Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/434150.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Football_RPF
  Relationship:
      Xabi_Alonso/Steven_Gerrard
  Character:
      Steven_Gerrard, Xabi_Alonso, Mikel_Alonso, Mikel_Arteta
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe, Alternate_Universe_-_High_School
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-06-14 Chapters: 14/14 Words: 31840
****** Happiness, It Does Exist (But I Don't Know That This Is It) ******
by secondstar
Summary
     Steven Gerrard saw the study abroad program as an opportunity to do
     something amazing. Xabi Alonso, on the other hand, felt as though his
     parents hosting someone from England for a year without consulting he
     and his brothers was by far the worst decision they had ever made.
     beta'd by lj-user albion_lass
***** Chapter 1 *****
The first thing that Steven Gerrard did when he got his study abroad host
family’s information in the mail was call his best friend.
“It’s really happening, Carra. I’m going to Spain.” Steven said, cradling the
phone between his cheek and shoulder as he read the letter over and over again.
“So where you headed, lad? Madrid, Barcelona... Ibiza? Please tell me it is
fucking Ibiza. I will come visit you and we can go to one of those foam-”
“No, none of those.” Steven said, biting his lip.
“Well out with it.” Steven could tell that Jamie was smiling over the phone.
“San Sebastian.” Steven said, sighing happily. It would be his first time being
separated from his family, his friends, everything he had ever known. He
couldn’t wait.
“Is that near the beach at least?” Jamie asked. Steven laughed, nodding his
head even though he knew that Jamie couldn’t see him.
“Yeah, it’s in the northern part of Spain, technically it’s not Spain but the
Basque country.”
“So you aren’t going to Spain?” Jamie asked. Steven rolled his eyes.
“Yes, I am going to Spain. Didn’t you pay attention in-”
“No. Fuck off, neither did you.” Jamie scoffed. “Hey you, I have to go,
remember tomorrow we have a five a side game-”
“I know. I wouldn’t miss it.” Steven said, hanging up the phone. He had never
gone anywhere without his best friend, or his brother but this was something he
had to do. He felt this need, this urge to go out and find something, to be a
part of something different. Something challenging.
His Spanish was only sub-par, but his teacher assured him that submerging
himself in it was the fastest way to learn and to get better at it. He read the
letter again. He would be staying with a family of five who already had three
teenage boys.
“Full house, that.” Steven murmured to himself. The Alonso’s, they were called.
‘Look forward to your arrival on September the 4th’. So soon. His mother was
already running around with her head cut off about him leaving for an entire
year. His father was unsure about it as well, but from a football point of
view. ‘You’re giving up captaincy to go to another country?’ Yes, he was. His
sense of wanderlust was almost overwhelming. Liverpool seemed so small compared
to the possibilities that lay outside of it. If he backed down now he knew that
he would regret it. A lot could happen in a year and this was what he wanted. A
knock on his bedroom door brought him out of his trance as his older brother,
Paul, came in.
“You still staring at that letter?” He asked as he sat on Steven’s bed. Steven
nodded, tossing the letter onto his desk. “Going to leave all the packing until
the night before?” Steven glared at him. “So I take that as a yes.”
“Have to book my flight as well.” Steven said, logging onto his laptop that was
behind Paul on his bed. Laying down, stretching across the bed on his stomach,
Steven began looking at flights.
“I can’t believe you’re really doing this.” Paul whispered. Steven looked at
him, his hand holding his head up as he surfed around for a cheap flight.
“You could always come visit.” Steven teased, knowing full well that Paul hated
flying.
“You’re a fucking twat.” Paul said, punching Steven in the arm. Steven laughed
as he tried to roll out of the way. A ringtone filled the room until Steven
answered his phone, signalling Paul to get off his bed by pushing him off of
it, Steven cleared his throat.
“Yeah?” He asked as he rolled onto his back, staring at his ceiling.
“You really leaving for Spain, then?” Steven closed his eyes and sighed. He did
not want to deal with attached significant others/friends with benefits right
now.
“Mmmhmm.” He said as he bit his lip tentatively, looking to the window.
“What the fuck, Stevie?”
“Well I was going to tell you.” Steven said as he picked at his duvet.
“Bullshit.”
“Michael, calm down.” Steven said, sighing as he sat up. Michael Owen, an on
again off again fuck buddy who was a little too attached... Steven wished Jamie
knew how to keep his mouth shut.
“A full year? You’ll be gone a full fucking year.”
“Yeah, what? Do you want one last good shag or something?” Steven asked as he
skimmed flights. Michael scoffed at him over the phone, which only made Steven
smile. “A quickie in your dad’s car?” Steven asked.
“No.”
“Then why are you calling?” Steven asked. They weren’t in a relationship,
Steven just didn’t want to be held down by one, not now. Especially if he was
going to be gone for a full year. No strings attached. That is how he and
Michael had always been. Something that wasn’t jacking off alone. Steven licked
his lips and closed his eyes as he waited for Michael’s response.
“Alright, yes. I want a fucking wank.” Michael spat. “You’re a fucking asshole
you know that?” Steven rolled his eyes.
“Whatever you say.” Steven whispered into the phone. “Come get me later, yeah?”
He said, then hung up. He had found a flight he wanted. One that didn’t leave
at the ass crack of dawn. “Dad!” Steven screamed as he got off the bed and
walked down the hall.
“What is it?” Steven’s dad, Paul Sr., called from downstairs.
“I found a flight.” Steven said over the balcony. “Can I use your card?” Steven
asked. Paul Sr. got his wallet and held the card up in the air.
“Come and get it, bring it right back and don’t buy anything else with it.”
Steven skipped every other stair on his way down to snatch the card from his
father’s fingers.
“Won’t, promise.” Steven said as he flew back up the stairs. He stayed until
dinner, which was silent. “You lot can’t be that sad I am leaving.” Steven
jested as Paul passed him the bowl of green beans. Steven looked to his mother.
“Of course we are, sweetheart.” She said, looking to Paul Sr. “Our baby is
leaving the nest.” Steven wanted to roll his eyes but he refrained.
“I’m 18 and this is going to be a lot more fun than my A levels.”
“Yeah, A levels but in Spanish. Good call mate.” Paul joked. Steven glared.
“At least I will be in Spain, by a beach.”
“Yeah but San Sebastian is just as rainy as here.” Steven stuck his tongue out
at Paul, who then threatened to catapult a spoon full of mashed potatoes at
Steven.
“Boys.” Steven retracted his tongue at his mother’s tone, and Paul put the
spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth. “We don’t have much more time with
you, do we love?” Steven shook his head.
“Barely a week.” Steven said, pushing back from the table as he finished his
plate. “I’m going out with Michael.” Steven said as he rinsed his plate and put
it in the dish washer. “If you leave the dishes for me I will do them once I
get back in.” He said, walking over to his mother and kissing her forehead.
“Alright, dear.” She said as he made his way upstairs. He texted Michael
‘whenever’ then brushed his teeth and changed his shirt. Sure, he had a week
left to fuck around with Michael but he might as well pull off the band aid now
instead of later. A year was a long time, and he didn’t want to leave Michael
with false hope of something that wasn’t there to begin with.
The week passed by quickly. Between packing, seeing as many of his friends as
possible, being home for dinner with his family (as requested by his mother),
and playing as much five a side as he could, Steven’s time was full up. He
hadn’t gotten more than five hours of sleep a night the entire week and now,
mere hours before he was due to leave, he was awoken by the sound of rocks
hitting his window. Stumbling to the window he pushed it open. Michael was
there. Steven closed his eyes and sighed silently to himself before he talked
down to him.
“Michael what are you-”
“I wanted to see you one last time.” Michael said up to him. Steven bit his lip
as he shook his head.
“It’s not a good idea.”
“I know you don’t want anything serious with me-”
“I’m leaving, Michael. In hours. Three, to be exact. I am due to wake up in one
hour.” Steven croaked, his voice gravely from sleep... or lack of sleep.
“Let’s go get a coffee.” Michael said, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets.
Steven looked down at him. He didn’t want this to be the last time he talked to
Michael, like this. Rebutting Michael’s advances from his window.
“I’ll be down in a mo’.” Steven said before he shut his window. Pulling on a
shirt and jeans, he made his way as silently as possible down the stairs,
unlocking the front door and letting Michael in. “I’ll make us a cup here.”
Steven whispered as Michael walked in, his hand ghosting across Steven’s
stomach. Steven shut his eyes at the touch.
The smell of coffee permeated through the kitchen, along with an uneasy
silence. Steven leaned against the counter, gnawing on his bottom lip as he
tried not to look at Michael.
“You’re really leaving.” Michael’s voice broke the silence. Steven nodded. His
suitcases were already by the door. He had planned on sleeping until the last
minute. He had been out late with Jamie, playing pool. He hadn’t been expecting
Michael, not after the fight they had a week ago when Steven had ended things.
Steven poured them both cups. He drank his black, hoping it would keep him
awake.
“Listen, I don’t want us to end badly.” Steven said, his hands cupping his mug,
his eyes boring holes into it as they avoided Michael’s gaze. “But what we had-
”
“Was casual to you, I get that.” Michael cut him off. Steven closed his eyes.
They were going to fight again, he knew it. “But it wasn’t to me.”
“I told you what I wanted and what I didn’t want.”
“And it is my fault for falling for you.” Steven looked up at him, his
shoulders sagging.
“I just don’t feel that way-”
“I get it.”
“I thought we were on the same page until the other night.”
“I hid it well.” Michael said, sadness dripping off his tongue. Steven felt
like complete shit.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I just want you, that’s all.” Michael said as if it was that simple. Steven
shook his head. “Can’t blame me for trying.” Steven couldn’t help but smile at
that. If he didn’t think it would kill Michael, he would kiss him. He didn’t
want to twist the knife, didn’t want to hurt him.
“I don’t blame you.”
There was a moment of silence before Steven heard footsteps coming down the
stairs. His father, probably.
“Ah, Michael. Surprised to see you here at this hour.” Paul Sr. said as he
walked into the kitchen. “Also to see Steven up.” He laughed as he got a mug
down, pouring himself a cup.
“Hello, Mr. Gerrard.” Michael said, sniffing back what Steven hoped wasn’t
tears. He took another long sip of coffee as he watched his dad put sugar and
cream in his coffee. “Just seeing Stevie off.” Paul smiled at Michael.
“We’re all going to miss him.” Steven pursed his lips at his father’s words. He
had thought he would feel something, when the time came. He didn’t feel
anything. No butterflies, no rocks in his stomach, no sense of dread or
happiness. He just... was here, in the kitchen, drinking coffee. His alarm
would be going off soon. Here he stood with his not so ex boyfriend of sorts
and his father before he left for Spain. “I’ll leave you boys to it, then.”
With that, Paul walked into the den to watch the morning news. The air was
thick around them as they just stared at each other for a moment.
“I’ve got to shower before I head off.” Steven said, clearing his throat.
Still, nothing. Part of him wished he felt something for Michael, the other was
glad of it. If he had, this meeting would be full of emotions and upset... for
him at least. Michael on the other hand, looked pale as he nodded.
“Thanks for the coffee.” He said as he set his mug down on the counter. Steven
licked his lips as he pushed himself off the counter, setting his own cup down.
“No problem.” He breathed deeply, unsteadily. Michael took a step forward.
“Just.. one more?” Michael asked. Steven gave a slight nod, and closed his eyes
as Michael’s lips touched his. A peck was all it was. A goodbye. Steven stepped
back, ending it before it barely began. His heart wasn’t even beating fast.
Michael’s eyes remained closed for a moment before they opened. His eyes
glassy.
“I’ll walk you to the door.” Steven said, walking past him, gulping. He felt
claustrophobic, like he needed air. There will be plenty of air in Spain, he
told himself. Michael’s hand went up to Steven’s face, thumb ghosting across
his cheek. Steven leaned into it without meaning to as his hands clung to the
door. “Bye, Michael.” Steven said as Michael dropped his hand.
“You’ll be back.” Michael said, a sad smile played across his lips. “But who
knows who you’ll be when you return.”
“I’ll be me.” Steven whispered as Michael turned his back on him, walking down
the street.
Steven dragged his feet up the stairs and into the bathroom. Last shower at
home, last everything for a year. His mother was already crying by the time he
got out of the shower.
“Do you have enough underwear?” She asked. He nodded. “Socks, jeans? Did you
pack enough-”
“Mom, you were there when I did it. You know what I packed.” Steven said as he
pulled on his shirt as she stood in the doorway, fawning over him. “My baby is
leaving.” She said, walking over to him and wrapping her arms around him
tightly. As much as he wanted to roll his eyes at her over reaction, he didn’t.
His hands rubbed her back gently as he closed his eyes, taking in the feeling
of her hug. It would be the one of the last ones from her for a year.
“Do try to come home for Christmas.” She mumbled. He nodded.
“I’ll try.”
The car ride to the airport seemed long with Steven’s mother’s sniffles filling
the air, along with his father’s monotoned singing along to the music. Paul,
his brother, stayed behind.
“Want me to park the car, walk in with you?” He father asked. Steven shook his
head.
“No, I can check in and everything on my own.”
“Oh, dear, can’t we just-”
“Mom, it’s fine. You can’t go past security anyways.” Steven said. “No need to
pay for parking when you can kiss me at the drop off.” Everything would be
fine, everything felt fine. Steven didn’t need his hand held, he refused to be
coddled. He could do this on his own.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Xabi knew something was up when his parents called everyone down for a ‘family
meeting’. They never had family meetings, ever. Not once in his life could he
recall them having one. Usually if they needed to talk it was during dinner.
Now, they were seated in their living room. His father, Periko, stood beside
their mother, Domeca, as Xabi and his brothers sat on the couch. Xabi’s younger
brother, Jon, was sitting with his arms crossed. Their parents had turned off a
video game on him when he refused to come down stairs as soon as they called.
Xabi had been listening to music in his room when Mikel, Xabi’s older brother,
had told him there was going to be a meeting.
“What’s going on?” Xabi asked. His parents exchanged glances. Xabi did the same
with Mikel. They didn’t get along most of the time, with only being a year
apart it was hard to see Mikel going out and doing whatever he pleased while
Xabi was told he wasn’t allowed. Whoever said that the oldest had it hardest
was lying, in Xabi’s eyes. He had it so much harder because Mikel got away with
everything.
“We have some news to share with you.” His father said, smiling. Smiling had to
be a good sign, Xabi thought. He tossed aside ideas of them moving, or his
father losing his job. What was left was that his mother could be pregnant. At
her age, though... “We are going to be a host family!” His father clapped as if
their mother was, indeed, pregnant. Jon looked to Xabi, confused.
“What?” Jon asked. Xabi raised an eyebrow as he looked at Mikel.
“You’ve got the bigger room, congrats.” He said, deadpan. Mikel glared at him.
“Now, Xabi, your mother and I have discussed this at length.” Xabi looked at
his parents, confused. Why would they single him out?
“Is it going to be a girl? I’d share a room with a girl.” Mikel said, smiling.
Xabi punched Mikel’s arm. Of course he wouldn’t mind, his brother the player.
“Boys, listen to your father.” Domeca said, raising her voice slightly. Xabi’s
attention snapped back to his father.
“His name is Steven Gerrard, and he will be with us for the full year.” Xabi’s
eyes widened.
“A full year? When I went to Ireland that was only for a few weeks!” He said,
his voice showing how unhappy he was. He had studied abroad last year, when he
was sixteen, to work on his English. It had been an amazing few weeks. But have
a stranger here for a full year?
“You didn’t even ask us?” Jon asked. “He can’t have my room.”
“No one wants your room.” Mikel said laughing. Jon had the ‘box room’, it was
barely big enough for a bed.
“Boys.” Their mother said, catching their attention. “Jon, you will be staying
in your room. Xabi, Mikel,” Xabi’s breath caught in his throat. What? What were
they about to do to him? “you two will be sharing Mikel’s room.” Xabi stood,
his face contorting.
“No, you can’t do this.” He said, his hands balling into fists. “That’s my
room!”
“It’s my house.” Periko said, his voice firm. Xabi’s face contorted as he
looked down to the ground. He was so angry. They hadn’t even asked if he or
Mikel, or Jon wanted someone in their home, disrupting their lives. “And your
room has the adjoining bathroom therefore... you will be willingly letting our
guest live there.” Xabi bit his lip. His room was being ripped away from him,
his sanctuary, where he could escape. He would have no space that was only his.
He had to share all of it with Mikel. Xabi looked to his older brother who
looked just as mad as he felt.
“We aren’t sharing a bed or anything.” Mikel said, standing. Xabi couldn’t help
but scoff. There was no way in hell-
“Of course not, tomorrow your father is getting a trundle bed, that slides
underneath-”
“I am going to be sleeping on a cot?” Xabi asked, arms raising dramatically. A
fucking cot, are they fucking serious right now? His arms dropped when he saw
the look his parents were giving him. Of course he was in the wrong, had no
right to feel this way.
“I am glad I get to keep my room.” Jon said, laughing as he sat on the couch.
Xabi turned around and punched him in the arm, hard. He couldn’t help it, he
just snapped. His father’s hand gripped his arm, pulling him away from Jon who
continued laughing as he held his arm.
“Upstairs, now.” He said, flinging Xabi towards the stairs. Xabi stomped up
them without a word. He walked into his room, fuming. He would have slammed the
door if he thought it wouldn’t earn him a grounding. Last thing he needed was
to be stuck here. He stood there, with his hands shoved in his pockets as he
waited for his father to emerge. He could hear them talking still, downstairs
in the living room. Mikel passed by him, flipping him off as he headed to his
room, no...their room. For fuck’s sakes the school year was starting in a
matter of days. This stranger would be coming here, soon, for an entire year.
Xabi thought about trashing his room, but breathed deeply instead. That
wouldn’t help anything. He loved his room, it was his. He heard his mother
clear her throat. He turned to look at her. She was leaning against the door
frame with an eyebrow raised.
“Do you understand our reasoning?” She asked. Xabi pursed his lips.
“I don’t understand why we are hosting someone to begin with. You would think
three teenage boys would be enough.” He said through clenched teeth. His mother
smiled at him and walked forward. Her fingers raked through his hair gently as
he tried to pull away.
“My Xabier, the cynic.” She mused. Xabi’s frown deepened. “We have been
thinking of it since you went to Ireland. We didn’t know it would be a boy, we
said we would take either.”
“Where is he from?” Xabi asked, mumbling.
“England.” She said, still smiling. Xabi hmphed. “Now, before your father comes
up here, I want you to know that we aren’t going to make you take your things
down, or change your room.” Xabi sighed, thankful for at least that. His room
was his life, full of posters and memories. “But you need to clear space for
his things.” Xabi nodded.
Xabi’s father came in, clearing his throat just as Domeca had done. Domeca left
them and shut the door. That was not a good sign. Xabi licked his lips as he
looked at his father.
“Tomorrow, you will move your clothes out of here, and into your brother’s
room, understood?” Xabi nodded. “If your mother asks you to do something while
we prepare for his arrival, you will do it without a word.” Xabi took a deep
breath and nodded again. “Steven is Mikel’s age, and will be in his year. Try
to get along, invite him to things.” Xabi wanted to roll his eyes.
“Alright.” He whispered as his father clapped him on the back, then left.
Moving his things wasn’t too bad, but getting Mikel to give him space was a
fucking nightmare. Most of his clothes were piled against the wall in stacks.
“I have no room in my closet for your shit.” Mikel said while laying on his
bed. Xabi closed his eyes and sighed.
“Well you need to make room.” Xabi spat as he shoved his socks into the single
drawer Mikel had given him.
“What are you going to do? Tell mom like the pansy you are?” Mikel said,
laughing. Xabi clenched his jaw and shut his eyes. Count to ten. One, two,
three, four, five- “Just going to fucking stand there all day?” Mikel shoved
him a bit, Xabi shoved back.
“Don’t touch me.” Xabi said as he walked out of Mikel’s room and back into his.
It was still his, for now. He shut the door and locked it.
This was going to be the hardest year of his life. Mikel was going to be a
dick, he knew it. He needed more reasons to not be at home. Football took up
time, yes, but Mikel was there as well. Mikel was everywhere that he was, he
was always in his older brother’s footsteps. And now he had to share a room
with him. “This is such bullshit.” He wished he had the box room, now. At least
Jon still had his own space. What did he do to deserve this?
Nothing, he did nothing.
Xabi slept in the day of Steven’s arrival. He opened his eyes and lay there in
his bed, not moving. Last morning waking up here, alone. Last moment of
silence, last time staring up at his posters. Xabi sighed. At least he had
something to look forward to: he was going out tonight with his not-so
boyfriend Mikel Arteta. Yes, also his brother’s name but Arteta was nothing
like his brother. They were going with a few friends to see some band. He
didn’t care much about the band, that he knew, but it was going out with Arteta
that he cared about. A last hurrah before classes started again. Xabi’s phone
buzzed with a text, which made him moan. He had to get out of bed to get to
where it was plugged into the wall.
Rubbing his eyes and stretching, he got out of bed. Wearing only his boxer
briefs, he picked up his phone. It was a text from Arteta. Smiling, Xabi
replied. ‘I’ll see you tonight.’ A knock at his door made Xabi jump. His mother
walked in, not stopping when she saw he wasn’t dressed.
“Get ready to go, we’re all heading to the airport soon.” Xabi frowned.
“All?”
“Yes, as a family.” She said, tilting her head. “You are part of this family,
aren’t you?” Xabi sighed deeply, then nodded. “Good, shower and come down for
lunch.” Xabi hadn’t realized he slept in that late. It was still summer
vacation, after all. He was allowed to.
“Yes, mama.” He said as she shut the door behind him. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Xabi
spat as he got his phone and dialed Arteta’s number.
“Hey, you.” Mikel answered. Xabi laughed, but then his face fell.
“Hey, listen... as it turns out-”
“No, no way. You are not backing out.” Xabi licked his lips as he folded his
arms after he placed his phone between his cheek and shoulder. He slowly paced
his room, wishing that he could meet with him.
“I can’t.”
“You always ‘can’t’ just do it. Come out with me.” Xabi bit his lip.
“It’s not like that. I want to, but I can’t. Family shit.” Xabi said as he
pulled the sheets off of his bed. Steven would be getting fresh, newly bought
sheets. Xabi rolled his eyes at his own thoughts.
“Like what?”
“Like... we’re getting a foreign exchange student in today and I can’t go
anywhere.”
“Bring him with.” Mikel said, as if it was that easy. Xabi bristled. “Or not.”
“Listen, I have to go. I’ll call you.”
“Xabi-” Xabi hung up his phone. He wondered if there was any way for him to get
to the concert after they picked Steven up. It seemed doubtful, now that he
thought about it. Why did he think that just his parents would be going to the
airport, anyways? Of course they wanted the entire family to go. Xabi growled
as he stormed into his bathroom. The real reason Steven gets his room, the
private bath. Turning on the water, Xabi sighed. He just wanted to get this
over with.
Xabi felt stupid, holding a sign that said Gerrard. At least he wasn’t Jon, who
their mother made hold balloons. It wasn’t like he was a long lost son, they
didn’t even know this guy. But he gets balloons? Fuck that. Mikel was smirking
beside him and all he wanted to do was shove the sign into his face.
“Boys,” Domeca hissed. “Stop it.” Xabi rolled his eyes, he couldn’t help it. A
boy came to a halt in front of them and set his bags down.
“I’m Steven Gerrard.” He said in Spanish. Xabi stared blankly at him, putting
the sign down. Light brown hair and blue eyes, could he look any different than
their family?
“Hello, Steven. It’s good to meet you.” His father said, holding out his hand.
Hearing his father speak Spanish seemed weird, since they mainly spoke Basque
at home. Xabi’s eyes widened. How did he not think about that before now?
Spanish at home instead of Basque. Xabi pursed his lips together as his mother
stepped forward and gave Steven a hug. “This is Jon, Mikel, and Xabi.” Steven
smiled at them. Xabi attempted one but nodded instead. He was seething. Mikel
elbowed him as they walked to their car, to which Xabi shoved him as they spoke
Basque to one another.
“You can sit in the back with him.” Mikel said, smirking. Xabi shoved him
again.
“Fuck no, Jon can.”
“Xabier, come here and help Steven with his luggage.” Periko called out. Mikel
laughingly stuck his tongue out as Xabi went forward and offered a hand, taking
one of Steven’s bags.
“Thank you.” Steven said awkwardly, giving Xabi a smile. Xabi nodded silently
as he helped Steven shove his things into their van. Steven hopped all the way
in the back while Jon sat in one of the middle seats. Mikel put his hand on
Xabi’s back, pushing him up into the van. Xabi thought, for only a second,
about sitting in the other middle seat. He looked up at Steven, then climbed in
back with him.
***** Chapter 3 *****
When Steven was brought to his room, he felt like he was invading someone
else’s space. In fact, he was positive he was. This was one of the brothers’
rooms. They had to vacate it for him, for a full year.
Mrs. Alonso had told him that dinner would be ready in an hour, or so Steven
thought she had said. He left the door open, feeling uncomfortable with closing
it, not knowing their house rules. All of the drawers were emptied, the closet
as well. Steven didn’t even bring enough clothes with him to fill the space up.
Steven heard a floorboard creak, he turned around to see the middle brother,
Xabi, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed.
“Is this your room?” Steven asked, the words tumbling out of his mouth feeling
like cotton, jumbled and unsure. Xabi didn’t answer, just looked at him. Steven
gulped as he looked down at his suitcase. If this was his room... and someone
else was in it, he would be angry. Steven looked up at Xabi and nodded his head
towards the closet. “I don’t need that.” Xabi’s eyes shifted towards it.
Without a word, Xabi walked down the hallway. Steven heard a door shut. He
sighed, then emptied the remainder his things.
Dinner was no less awkward. Twice, they had spoke Basque while passing food
around the table. Mikel had done it, along with Jon. Jon apologized, while Xabi
had just sat there silently not touching his food, just staring at it. Steven
hadn’t even thought about how they probably spoke Basque at home, and how he
didn’t know any. Speaking another language at home just because he was with
them? No wonder Xabi kept glaring at him. He would be just as mad if it were
him. No doubt Paul would be angry as well. For the first time upon arrival,
Steven missed his brother.
After he was finished eating, Steven stood to rinse his plate. Mrs. Alonso
stopped him by putting her hand on his arm.
“Don’t, Xabi will be clearing the table tonight.” She said as she looked at her
middle child. Xabi’s jaw clenched and he pushed his chair back as he stood,
grabbing plates from the table and taking them into the kitchen. “The boys take
turns nightly, you’ll be helping as well, but not tonight.” She said, smiling.
Steven nodded, understanding. Help wash dishes, check.
“Mama, after I do the dishes can I go-” Steven looked up at Xabi’s voice, it
was the first he had heard it. He didn’t know why it surprised him how fluid it
sounded as he spoke. Too bad Mr. Alonso had cut him off.
“No, not tonight.” Periko said with finality. Steven tried not to frown. The
looked on Xabi’s face was masked, but his eyes betrayed his feelings. Xabi was
looking at his mother, who glanced at Periko.
“Xabi, we discussed that tonight everyone was to stay in.” She said, smiling.
“You can see your friends tomorrow.” Steven couldn’t help but look at Xabi, to
see his reaction to his mother’s kind, yet firm words. A fast slew of Basque
came tumbling out of Xabi’s mouth. Steven watched, amazed at how the words
sounded coming out from him. Xabi’s parents looked at each other, and nodded.
Domeca turned to Steven with the same smile she had just given to Xabi.
“Xabi would like to know if you wanted to go to a concert with him.” Steven
looked to Xabi who had walked into the kitchen. The sound of water filled his
ears, along with clanging dishes. There was no way what Xabi had just said was
‘Do you think I could go if Steven came?’. The inflection had sounded more like
‘this is fucking bullshit and I can’t believe this bastard has my room and now
I can’t go out and see my bloody friends, if I have to I guess I will fucking
drag him along, alright?’
Steven did like music, and he didn’t really know what to do with himself here.
He nodded.
“That sounds fun.” He said, barely above a whisper.
Xabi was glad that Mikel Arteta had room enough for them in his car. When he
had told Mikel he could go, but only if he brought Steven, Mikel had to ask who
the fuck Steven even was. Once Xabi explained, Mikel seemed excited about the
prospect of Steven crashing their not-date.
Both Xabi and Steven piled into the backseat of Mikel’s car, since their friend
Esti took shotgun while Santxo was already in the back seat. Xabi introduced
them all, then remained silent. Everyone asked Steven tons of questions on the
way there, everything from how old he was to if he had siblings to how long he
would be staying. Esti even asked him if he had a girlfriend. Steven smiled,
looking down at his hands as he shook his head and simply replied ‘no’.
Xabi was in a horrible mood, even Mikel slipping an arm around his shoulders as
they walked didn’t lift it. Xabi, looking at Steven as they walked, pushed
Mikel’s hand off his shoulder. Mikel lifted an eyebrow but didn’t say anything
as they bought tickets. Inside it felt as though Xabi’s world hadn’t been
turned upside down. He closed his eyes and listened to the music, swaying with
the crowd, jumping when they did and sang along.
He got so into the music he didn’t push Mikel away as his arms slipped around
Xabi’s waist. Xabi forgot for a moment where he was and who he was with. He
felt Mikel’s lips on his neck as he pulled Xabi closer. Reality came crashing
back to him when his eyes cast over their group and he saw Steven looking at
Mikel. Xabi pulled away from him.
It wasn’t that he was scared that Steven would find out he was gay, he didn’t
give a shit what Steven thought, it was more along the lines of he didn’t know
Steven’s stance on it. That and Xabi’s parents didn’t know. It wasn’t a subject
he really wanted to bring up, either. So Steven seeing Mikel with his mouth on
Xabi brought about a gut reaction: back off. Xabi grit his teeth. He really
wanted Mikel’s hands on him, and his hands to be on Mikel. Mikel’s fingers
hooked around Xabi’s belt loops to pull him back, but Xabi spun around and
placed a hand on Mikel’s chest. Speaking in Basque, Xabi told him ‘not now, not
here’ to which Mikel could only shrug off.
“Whatever you want, Xabi. It isn’t like we get to spend a lot of time
together.” Mikel said into Xabi ear. Xabi bit his lip and looked again towards
Steven who was no longer paying attention. In fact, he had disappeared from
Xabi’s view all together. Xabi’s eyes widened, worried for a moment. If he lost
him his parents would ground him.
“Jesus Christ where’d he go?” Xabi said, taking a step away from Mikel. Mikel’s
fingers gripped Xabi’s wrist and pulled him back.
“He’s with Esti, at the bar. How old did you say he was?” Mikel asked, his arms
wrapping around Xabi’s waist. Xabi relaxed against him and turned his head
towards Mikel. Their mouths met tenderly, deepening slowly. Xabi shut his eyes
as he turned his body towards Mikel’s, continuing the kiss.
Steven could get used to going out like this. Xabi may not like him, but his
friends were pretty into him, especially when they found out that he was
eighteen. Esti was leaning on him as he drank a beer, but he didn’t care. No
harm in her doing that, he certainly wasn’t flirting with her. He bought her
the drink, because she asked him to. Steven looked around for Xabi, his eyes
widening for a second when he saw him, interlocked with Mikel. Steven smiled to
himself. No wonder he wanted to come out tonight.
Once the concert was over and they were all piled back in the car, Xabi claimed
shot gun so Steven was in the back, squeezed between Esti and Santxo who both
were buzzing from the drinks Steven provided them with. Esti had a hand on
Steven’s neck, playing with his hair lazily. It would have made Steven
uncomfortable if it didn’t feel good. Xabi and Steven were the first ones to be
dropped off, since Esti and Santxo lived closer to Mikel. Steven was surprised
that they didn’t kiss goodbye, but Xabi just got out of the car as if they
hadn’t been making out in public less than an hour before hand.
“Thank you for the ride.” Steven said as he got out of the car. It felt weird,
speaking Spanish. It made him react slower, since he had to think of what to
say before he said it. He only hoped he didn’t say something wrong, or in the
wrong tense.
When they got in the house, Xabi went straight into Mikel’s room without so
much as a good night to Steven. Steven sighed as he got ready for bed, turning
on his computer and signing onto skype, hoping to see one of his friends on.
Sitting on his bed, Xabi’s bed, in his pajamas, Steven smiled when he saw that
Jamie was online. Before he was even able to start the conversation himself, a
notification popped up. Jamie wanted to connect with him. Steven laughed as he
hit accept. There was his best friend’s face staring at him, grinning.
“You look a right state.” Jamie’s voice came through the speakers. Steven
laughed, holding a finger up. He had to find his headphones. He didn’t want
Jamie’s loud mouth waking up the enitre house.
“Thanks, mate.” Steven said as he put the headphones in his ears. “Was out all
night.”
“Really? Already?” Jamie asked. Steven shrugged.
“Xabi sort of invited me out with his friends, nothing big.” Steven said,
wondering if should really tell Jamie what was on his mind. Jamie raised his
eyebrow at Steven’s tone. Steven wanted to smile, Jamie already knew how he
felt.
“So is this Xabi... the oldest?” Jamie asked.
“No, he is the middle brother. I’m in his room.” Steven said, sighing, looking
around.
“Yeah that doesn’t look like your room at all.” Jamie stated. Steven wasn’t
really one for decorating with posters. But he wasn’t about to take Xabi’s
things down. “How is it? Is it weird, not being here?” Jamie asked.
“I feel out of place, but that was expected. I am hoping tomorrow I can just...
explore. I haven’t done much yet. Barely talked to the family really. We had
dinner together, then I went to a small gig.”
“Meet anyone?” Jamie asked. Steven smirked.
“I am not that fast, Carra.”
“I don’t know, mate. There were times-”
“Alright, I get it,” Steven laughed. “But no, not unless you count Xabi’s
friend Esti, who is a girl.” Steven said, looking down at his hands. “Didn’t
have the heart to tell her she was barking up the wrong tree.”
“Classes start in a few days for you as well?”
“Yeah, I think tomorrow is my last day before classes. I assume we start on
Monday.” Steven said, yawning. It felt weird, knowing that earlier today he had
been in Liverpool, had woken up to Michael at his window. It seemed like a
lifetime ago already. “Alright, mate. I am knackered. Been up almost twenty
four hours.”
“Yeah, sure. Text me anytime, yeah?”
“Of course.” Steven said as he signed out, pushing his laptop to the side and
turning off the light. He fell asleep in seconds.
As far as first days go, Steven thought it went rather well. Turns out, Mikel
Alonso was pretty awesome compared to certain other siblings whose room Steven
was occupying. Mikel, unlike his younger brother, was more than willing to show
Steven around, didn’t sneer or ignore him. Instead, with a hand on Steven’s
shoulder, Mikel introduced Steven to all his friends with a smile on his face
instead of mumbling as if it pained him to do so. Steven hadn’t stopped all
day, or so it seemed. At lunch he was surrounded by people, all wanting to know
more about him, to get to know him. Steven noticed, though, that Xabi had sat
nearby, with his own friends. As if Steven wouldn’t have been able to feel the
death glare coming from him from a million miles away. Steven shot him a small
smile as he attempted to eat the sandwich that Domeca had packed him for lunch.
He didn’t receive one in return, for that he was sure.
Luckily for Steven, he already had a trial set up with the school’s football
team that started right after school. The locker room was just like the one at
his school, it felt like home. Football would be the same, as well. He needed
something that was a little closer to home, that was for sure. The trial with
the team had gone well, so he thought. He had given up his captaincy at his
school to come to Spain and he didn’t want to not play footie for a full year.
Mikel had told him that he was on the school team and the city team, but that
Xabi was only on the school team. Steven hadn’t even realized, or even thought
about the fact that maybe Xabi played too.
Steven was surprised to find out that Xabi played in midfield, along with him.
Steven had told the coach that he could play anywhere, but he preferred
midfield. Mikel, too, played in midfield. Steven didn’t like the odds, living
in a house where he would be fighting for a starting position with two of its
inhabitants. Good thing Jon didn’t play. After the trial, the coach had said
that he had done well, and that he wanted him to continue his trial throughout
the week. Steven beamed, happy that the coach liked him. On the way home, Xabi
sat in the back seat of the car with his arms crossed and his brow knit as
Steven and Mikel talked about practicing more in the back yard together before
dinner, while it was still light out.
“You in, Xabi?” Steven asked. Xabi scoffed, looking out the window. He didn’t
answer him. Mikel rolled his eyes and looked at Steven.
“Queen Xabi does not answer to commoners.” Mikel jibbed. Steven bit his lip to
hold back a laugh. Xabi mumbled something Basque under his breath, to which
Mikel cleared his throat and dropped the subject. Steven wanted nothing more to
do with Xabi if he wasn’t going to even acknowledge his existence, or if he
didn’t stop mumbling in Basque around him.
Once they arrived home, Xabi went inside without a word as Steven and Mikel
went out back to do drills.
“Can I ask you something?” Steven asked as he bounced the ball on his feet and
legs, fucking around with it. Mikel shrugged as he did the same. “Did you call
Xabi a queen because-”
“Yeah, because he is one.” Mikel said, laughing. Steven sighed inwardly,
closing his eyes for a second to control his bubbling anger.
“Do your parents know?” Steven asked, hoping for a yes. Mikel scoffed, shaking
his head.
“No, Jon doesn’t even know.”
“How do you know?” Steven asked. He doubted Xabi willingly told him, with how
Mikel talks about it. “Did he tell you?”
“No, he didn’t tell me. I saw him at a party. My little brother, the cock
sucker.” Mikel kicked the ball against the fence so it bounced back. He kicked
it again, and again. “He should be ashamed.” Steven stopped what he was doing
for fear of kicking the ball at Mikel’s face, or his balls.
“So you didn’t rat him out?” Steven asked, hoping he used the right verb. He
couldn’t think straight, with all the thoughts raging through his mind.
“And lose my leverage over him? Fuck no.” Steven nodded. He thanked god that
Paul didn’t do that to him. Paul just laughed and said “well no shit, that’s
how I get the girls. You always ignored them so they came running to me
instead.” Xabi didn’t have that, he had a bully for a brother.
“I think I’m going to go shower.” Steven said, wiping his brow of its sweat. He
could hear Mikel continuing to kick the ball against the fence as he went
inside.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Xabi sat on the floor of his room, staring at his bookshelf. He wanted to read
something to keep his mind off of everything, but he couldn’t decide. He sat
with his legs pulled close to his chest, head resting on his knees as he looked
over his books, well worn and dog-eared. To him, the more beat up they were,
the more he loved them. He could escape into their worlds and not be in the
present, not be in a living hell.
Steven made the team; he was everywhere. It had been weeks since he arrived and
Xabi couldn’t seem to shake him. Whether it be at practice, or hanging out
after school. Xabi tried to stay out of the house, stay with Mikel Arteta as
much as possible but Xabi could tell that Mikel was sick of hearing Xabi rant
about Steven, when Mikel had told him that Steven seemed cool, that he didn’t
see a reason for Xabi to get his panties in a twist.
Steven wouldn’t leave him alone. Xabi didn’t want to have anything to do with
him. Mikel, Xabi’s brother, and Steven were inseparable. Steven went out with
his friends, partied with his friends... Xabi was sick of it, but he did like
that Steven wasn’t home currently. It meant he could sit in his room in peace,
pick a book in peace. Steven hadn’t touched any of his things, thankfully. Xabi
reached for a book, but stopped. He wanted to get lost in a world, to not think
about his life. Something that would consume him. Fantasy.
He reached for Wizard’s First Rule and smiled. Perfect. He liked reading books
in English because it made it even more of a fantasy for him. It brought him
deeper into the world since it was so different than his own. It also helped
with his own English. He rarely practiced it, except the little he did in
school. His mother suggested talking to Steven in English but Xabi only rolled
his eyes. And talk about what? Banging hot girls with Mikel? How Xabi’s
starting position on the team was in danger because of Steven? Fuck no, no
thank you.
Xabi opened the book, relaxing immediately as he started reading it out loud.
“It was an odd looking vine,” Xabi whispered as the door opened and Steven
walked in. Xabi jumped, scrambling to stand, book in hand. Steven’s eyes were
wide, as if he was the one being caught in someone else’s room.
“Sorry, Xabi. I didn’t know you wanted to use-” Xabi stormed past Steven and
down the stairs. He would go to a coffee shop to read in peace. If Steven was
home that meant Mikel was and he had nowhere to be. Xabi heard Steven following
him, heard his footsteps behind him as he ran down the stairs. “Xabi stop.”
Steven said, grasping his arm. Xabi yanked it away, but stopped. “I was just
coming in to shower, then we were going out. You can have your room all you
want.” Xabi looked at him begrudgingly.
“Where are you going?” Xabi asked. It was Friday night, they were probably
going to a party.
“There’s a party, you should come.” Steven said, giving him a smile. Xabi
rolled his eyes.
“No thanks.” Steven bit his lip. “I don’t like Mikel’s friends.”
“They aren’t Mikel’s friends, they’re mine.” Steven said. Xabi knit his brow.
“I think you should come, didn’t Arteta invite you?” Steven asked. Xabi
shrugged.
“He said he was doing something tonight but-”
“He’ll be there, you should come.” Steven all but pleaded. Xabi clenched his
jaw, Steven had to know, then. He wouldn’t name drop Mikel if he didn’t know.
Xabi closed his eyes and shook his head.
“If he wanted me to come he would come and get me.” He said as he walked back
up the stairs and into his room, even though he knew Steven was about to come
back in himself to get into the shower. Xabi sat in his papasan chair, curled
up as he began to read. Steven reentered the room and walked right into the
bathroom, shutting the door. Xabi heard the shower start as he turned the page.
He lost track of time as he read, forgetting that Steven had been in the shower
in the first place, and scared himself when Steven opened the door with a towel
around his waist.
Dripping wet, Steven walked across the room to the dresser where he kept his
clothes. Xabi’s things were still in piles along Mikel’s wall. Steven had
offered him his closet back but he had refused it, ever stubborn. Xabi tried
not to watch Steven bend over, finding what he wanted to wear.
“You know, I am still not using the closet.” Steven brought up. Xabi cleared
his throat, looking down at his book.
“So?” Xabi asked. “It is your room.” He said, sarcasm seeped through his words.
He heard Steven sigh loudly, then drop the towel. Xabi looked, he couldn’t help
it. It wasn’t like he hadn’t looked when they were in the locker rooms anyways.
Steven pulled on a pair of black boxer briefs, then put a pair of jeans on.
Xabi’s eyes went back to his book. He hadn’t turned a page since Steven and his
towel had walked back into the room.
“Mikel is going to be here soon, is that what you are going to wear?” Steven
asked. Xabi looked up again, mouth slack.
“Arteta?” He asked. Steven rolled his eyes, nodding his head.
“I told you he was going to the party, he is picking us up.” Steven said as he
put a shirt on. Xabi looked down. He was wearing track bottoms and a t-shirt.
He stood up and walked into Mikel’s room to get other clothes. Mikel was there,
with a girl.
“Get out you little shit.” He sneered. Xabi continued over to his clothes,
grabbing the first shirt he found, along with a pair of jeans. He walked back
into his room and straight into Steven.
“Sorry.” He mumbled. Steven shrugged.
“It’s fine, what-”
“Mikel’s going down on some girl.” Xabi said, sighing. “Can I use the
bathroom?” He asked. Steven nodded, moving out of Xabi’s way. Xabi shut the
door behind him as he entered his bathroom, Steven’s bathroom. It smelled like
him. Not in a bad way, but just... like Steven. Xabi shut his eyes as he
stripped. He had no idea that Mikel and Steven had gotten close, Arteta that
is. Mikel hadn’t told him. But then again he hadn’t been talking to Mikel
lately himself. Too consumed with his own dislike to see what was going on
around him. He hadn’t a clue when Steven had branched out and made friends of
his own. He spent all his time and energy trying to ignore him, not think about
what he was up to. Xabi finished changing then walked back out into his room.
Steven was reading his book. Xabi’s eyes widened and he went for it. Steven
looked up at him, wide eyed.
“This is in English.” He stated, in English. Xabi sighed, nodding.
“That’s because I speak it.” He answered him in the same tongue. Steven looked
shocked. Xabi bit his lip.
“Why didn’t you-”
“Why does it matter?” Xabi asked, petulant. “Don’t touch my things.”
“I haven’t been.” Steven said, sounding hurt. Xabi scoffed, holding onto his
book. “Listen, I just... hearing someone else speak English, it’s like... it
feels like home.” Xabi bit his lip, gnawing on it. He felt like a fucking
asshole.
“What time is Mikel coming?” Xabi asked, changing the subject. Steven looked at
his phone.
“Any minute.”
“I have to find my shoes.” Xabi mumbled, walking out of his room. He realized
once he got downstairs that he still had his book. He couldn’t put it in
Mikel’s room now and if he left it down here his mother would remind him about
keeping things tidy. “Shit.” He said running back up the stairs. Once more, he
ran into Steven.
“Sorry.” Steven said, his hand landing on Xabi’s shoulder between steps. Xabi
walked past him and back into his, Steven’s, room and put the book back. He had
dog eared where he left off. He would fetch it later.
When Mikel arrived, Xabi smiled to himself as Steven went to the back seat,
allowing Xabi shot gun without fighting for it. Xabi’s brother would never do
that, ever. When Xabi got in the car, Mikel leaned in to kiss him. Xabi pushed
him back, embarrassed. Mikel scoffed, taking his hand and kissing it, looking
at Steven.
“What is your problem, Xabi?” Mikel asked in Basque. Xabi shrugged, pulling his
hand back.
“You know I don’t like PDA.”
“Yeah, but-”
“Enough with the Basque! It isn’t fair.” Steven said, kicking the back of both
of their seats. Mikel laughed.
“Sorry, Stevie.” He laughed. Xabi’s brow furrowed.
“Stevie?” He asked looking back at Steven. Steven shrugged, nodding.
“It’s what my friends call me in England.” Xabi hmphed, remaining silent for
the rest of the trip.
What surprised Steven most about the party is how different Xabi acted when not
at home. As soon as they entered the party, his face lit up and once a drink
was in his hand, well... He suddenly didn’t give a shit about his PDA issues
where Mikel was concerned. Steven smiled to himself as he made his way through
the house, with his own drink in his hand, looking for someone he recognized.
Steven had made friends with Markel and Ander, who just so happened to also be
gay. Steven didn’t know how he found them, actually, but that didn’t matter.
Not at a party. Drink after drink, a few shots and hours later, Steven had his
hands on Markel. They kissed lazily through the alcohol. Before Steven knew it,
someone was tugging on his shirt, and it wasn’t Markel. Steven turned to see
Xabi clinging to him, his fist bunching up Steven’s shirt.
“What is it?” Steven asked, his hand still on Markel’s neck, another on his
waist. Xabi was looking at his hand that was on Markel’s waist, mouth open.
Steven dropped his hand. “Xabi?”
Xabi seemed to snap out of his daze, looking Steven in the eye.
“Mikel sent me to find you.” He said, taking a step forward, his other hand
grasping at Steven’s arm. Xabi was wasted. “He’s ready to go.” Xabi looked from
Steven to Markel, then dropped his hands, walking away. Steven sighed, kissing
Markel goodbye quickly so that he could catch up with Xabi before he
disappeared on him.
Once home, Steven had to put his arm around Xabi to help him walk. Sitting in
the car then standing again seemed to make Xabi even more far gone than he was
at the party. At least he let Steven touch him. Xabi sober would have pushed
him away, Steven was sure of it.
“What are we doing?” Xabi asked as they walked up the driveway. His arms were
wrapped around Steven as they walked, his head resting on his shoulder. Steven
licked his lips as he looked at the darkened house.
“We’re going inside. I’m going to get you into Mikel’s room as quietly-”
“No,” Xabi stopped walking, pushing away from Steven. “I just want my bed. I
don’t want to be near him.” Steven bit his lip. He knew Xabi and his brother
had issues, and he understood them even though Xabi didn’t think he knew.
“Alright, come on Xabi.” Steven said, taking his arms and putting them back
around his waist. Xabi stayed, his fingers clinging to Steven’s shirt once more
as they entered the house and made their way up the stairs. They turned into
Xabi’s room, turning on the light and shutting the door. Xabi’s breath hitched
when he realized he was in his own room. He made a beeline for his bed, burying
his face into the pillows. Steven rolled Xabi onto his back so he could take
off his shoes. Xabi was grinning, looking up at his posters. His hands went to
his face as he hummed with happiness. Steven’s heart ached for him. Hiding who
he was from his family, his brother holding it over his head like he would turn
him over without so much as a blink of an eye. He would switch rooms for Xabi
in a heartbeat. It didn’t even matter to him that Xabi didn’t like him. At
least his family loved him for who he was. Xabi didn’t have that luxury. “Do
you want to sleep in your jeans?” Steven asked. Xabi shook his head, a jumble
of Basque poured out of his mouth, masked partly by his hands that were still
covering his face. “Xabi I don’t speak Basque.” Steven said, loudly in English.
Xabi pushed himself up onto his elbows and he looked at Steven as if he forgot
he was in the room.
“How did we get here?” Xabi asked. Steven sighed. Xabi was going to have one
hell of a hangover in the morning.
“Mikel brought us home.” Xabi raked his teeth over his bottom lip, suppressing
a smile. “Xabi,” Steven said, getting his attention “Jeans off or on to sleep
in?” Xabi’s hands fumbled at his jeans, pushing at them. Steven laughed,
helping him out of them. He let Steven unbutton them, tug them down his legs.
Xabi sat up, pulling his own shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor.
Steven stood up, ready to walk away but Xabi’s fingers grabbed onto his shirt,
stilling him.
“Where are you sleeping?” He asked, his eyelids heavy. Steven shrugged.
“I could sleep in Mikel’s room, or on the chair.” Xabi’s hands moved down,
working Steven’s jeans open. Steven’s breath caught in his throat. “Xabi-”
“You can sleep here.” He said, pushing Steven’s jeans down his thighs. Steven
stepped out of them, keeping his shirt on. He got into the bed beside Xabi who
curled in against him. Steven shut his eyes as he felt Xabi’s breath on his
neck. He thought of Markel, of Michael, and of England. Xabi’s body relaxed
against him, then he slept.
Xabi woke up slowly. The first thing he noticed was how comfortable he was, how
warm. The second was how it didn’t smell like him. It smelled like-
Xabi sat up in bed, his bed. Eyes wide, he looked around. He was alone, but
there was a pile of clothes by the bed. Two pairs of clothes. The bed beside
him was cool, he relaxed. How did he get in his own bed? He laid back down,
burying his face into his pillow. Not his, but still. He had a massive headache
and he wanted to sleep more. Pulling the covers up to his chin he shut his eyes
again, breathing deeply. His bed, Steven’s smell mixed with feelings of warmth
and relaxation. Xabi wondered when that happened. When Steven’s scent triggered
a sense of tranquility. He opened his eyes, forcing the thought away.
Why would he think that? He hated Steven. Steven was in his room, in his house,
on his team, crowding him. The door to the bathroom opened and out walked
Steven, in a towel.... again. Xabi bit his lip, the palm of his hand kneading
at his morning erection. Jesus Christ, why? Fuck being a teenager. He cursed at
himself, hoping that Steven’s scent wasn’t the basis of his morning hard on.
Xabi shut his eyes, hoping Steven would just.... leave. He heard the towel drop
and his eyes couldn’t help but open. He watched as Steven pulled on a new pair
of boxer briefs, then a shirt and jeans. Xabi shifted on the bed, Steven turned
to him, smiling. Xabi scowled.
“Head hurting?” Steven asked in English. Xabi moaned.
“Not so loud.” He murmured. Steven laughed. Xabi’s cock stirred. Shit fuck. He
needed to get out of here. Last thing he wanted was for Steven to know...
Xabi’s eyes widened as flashes of last night came flooding back to him. Xabi
and Mikel finding a room, Xabi taking shots, Xabi finding Steven, Steven
kissing Markel. Steven kissing Markel. “You and Markel.” Xabi mumbled, a hand
rubbing his face.
“What about us?” Steven asked.
“Nothing.” Xabi said as he got out of the bed and walked into the bathroom,
shutting the door behind him. This changed everything.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Steven noticed a change in Xabi. It wasn’t as if he was acting the polar
opposite of his normal self, but a bit more subdued. Xabi stopped giving him
death glares and stared at the floor instead. He didn’t look him in the eye
when they talked, but he started finding Xabi in their room more often. Curled
up on his chair reading, listening to music while laying down on the bed.
Slowly, Xabi’s closet filled up with his things. Steven was glad that Xabi
could have his own space. He had seen how Xabi had everything piled against the
wall in Mikel’s room. Mikel had given him one drawer and that had been it.
Xabi still didn’t talk to him, not really. After parties, when he was drunk,
was the only time he opened up enough to have a real conversation. One night,
Xabi hadn’t stopped talking once they were in the car. Steven couldn’t believe
how much Xabi had to say. They had stayed up until the sun started to rise,
talking as they laid in their bed. Steven called it that, “theirs” because it
really was. It had been Xabi’s, now it was his, but he liked to call it
“theirs”.
Xabi liked skin on skin contact when he was drunk. A hand, a leg, an arm, their
foreheads. Steven didn’t stop him, he didn’t want to. It reminded him of being
close to someone. It was a farce, of course, because Xabi didn’t care about
him, but that was beside the point.
Steven talked to Jamie as often as he could. He told him all about Xabi and
Jamie told him to tell him to fuck off. Steven laughed, then shook his head. He
couldn’t do that.
“His brother hates him.”
“So? Doesn’t mean he has to be a little shit-”
“He’s not a little shit.” Steven said, defending him.
“I’m sorry but he won’t talk to you unless he is drunk? What a dick move,
mate.” Steven pursed his lips. Despite everything, he liked Xabi. He didn’t
know in what capacity, really, but he did know that if Xabi wanted to climb
into bed and put his hand on Steven’s arm, he wouldn’t push him away. The first
time Xabi pressed their foreheads together and fell asleep like that Steven got
hard. It wasn’t so much a revelation as it was a daunting turn of events. Xabi
was attractive, more than attractive, but he was part of his host family.
Getting involved in any way...could be disastrous. Steven thought about
Michael. He thought about how he was unable to have a relationship. Sex was
sex, not love. Not binding and definitely didn’t mean he was attached. He
thought about Markel, how they were going down the friends with benefits path.
Steven told himself that was what he wanted every time he and Markel hooked up,
but once a party was over it was Xabi who he was in bed with. And then there
was Xabi and Mikel Arteta. As far as Steven could tell, they were casual as
well, but with years of friendship built around it.
The only time that Xabi still acted like he had when Steven arrived was during
football. By Mid-October they still hadn’t played a match together. The coach
always played Mikel and Xabi, or Mikel and Steven. When it was Mikel and
Steven, he could feel the anger from the bench. Mikel, Xabi, and Steven all
worked best in the center of midfield and the coach knew it.
So when, 75 minutes into a match, Mikel was subbed off to make way for Xabi,
Steven panicked for a second. He and Xabi hadn’t played together, not once. In
training they were always on opposite teams, against each other. Steven didn’t
think the coach realized that they had never teamed up before. Currently, they
were one down and the coach did this? Steven clenched his jaw. Now was not the
time for experiments.
But their first connection was perfect. Steven had made a run and suddenly
there was the ball when Xabi had been halfway across the field. He went for
goal. It hit the back of the net and suddenly everyone was on him. Steven ran,
though, to Xabi. Everyone followed, wanting to celebrate. Xabi, eyes wide as
the entire team ran towards him, braced himself as Steven’s arms wrapped around
him. The team engulfed them, piling up on top of them. If that was the first
touch, Steven wanted the next.
When everyone got off of them, Steven was surprised to find that Xabi’s fists
were clenched around his jersey, his face in the crook of his neck. Steven
released his grip on Xabi, then offered to help him up. Xabi took his hand, but
his face turned away as Steven pulled him up off of the ground as others pat
him on the back. Steven tried not to let it get to him, Xabi not looking him in
the eye.
They got back into formation then waited for the other team to kick off. The
second and the third passes were fluid, as if they were rehearsed. Steven
passed the ball to Xabi who then passed it off, even though he himself had an
open shot on goal. He had passed it to Fernando, who scored. Two assists for
Xabi in less than ten minutes and Steven couldn’t help but wonder why he was
ever on the bench in the first place.
When the whistle blew, Xabi’s heart was beating out of his chest. He closed his
eyes as he walked slowly off the field. The thought of going into the locker
room, the thought of showering near Steven right now was unbearable. His arms
around Xabi, laying on top of him as everyone piled around them. His scent
mixed with sweat and dirt had Xabi’s senses heightened. He pulled his shirt
over his head, wiping his face. He hadn’t played long, but his blood was
pumping. It was getting to the point where Steven was hard to be around, but he
couldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop going in his room, their room. He needed space
but he gave himself none.
At his locker, the coach told him that he just won himself a starting position
in the next match. Xabi smiled, elated to have his spot back.
“You and Gerrard made quite a team.” He said, clapping Xabi on the back before
he walked away. Xabi bit his lip as he sat down to take off his boots and
socks. His eyes glanced up in time to watch Steven walk into the showers. Xabi
closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose as he stood, taking his
shorts off so that he could join the others.
Xabi concentrated on washing up, of the spray of the water. He refused to think
of Steven, of his arms around him. He willed himself not to react as he cleaned
himself off. He was covered in dirt from being tackled to the ground. When he
got out, with a towel wrapped around his waist, he was shoved against his
locker by his brother.
Xabi’s hands went up to Mikel’s chest, pushing him away. Mikel was stronger,
though, and his hands grasped Xabi’s face. Xabi’s back hurt where it rammed
against the latch to his locker.
“How is it that a littel faggot like you can steal my starting spot?” Mikel
asked, his voice shrill. Xabi grit his teeth and pawed at Mikel’s hands. “I’ll
be damned if you start before me.” He spat. Xabi shook against him, a hand
reached forward and twisted his brother’s nipple, hard. Mikel screamed then
grabbed hold of Xabi’s hair and yanked. Xabi fell to his knees in pain.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Steven’s voice bellowed. Mikel’s grip loosened
as Steven shoved Mikel away from Xabi. “He’s your fucking brother.”
“He’s a-”
“Don’t say it.” Steven said, pushing Mikel in the chest, taking him farther
from Xabi.
“He’s a faggot.” Mikel seethed, his face inches from Steven. He said it loud,
with anger. Xabi covered his mouth. No. He closed his eyes, his world crashing
down around him. Mikel told, he said it. In a locker room full of his naked
team mates.
“So?” Steven said, looking around. “Who gives a shit?” He said, taking a step
towards Xabi, offering a hand to help him up. Xabi took it reluctantly. “So am
I.” Xabi’s eyes widened. Steven just... announced for everyone to hear, that he
was gay. Xabi stopped breathing as he looked at him. Steven’s hand was wrapped
around Xabi’s wrist. “Does anyone have a problem with that?” He asked. No one
spoke up, but the coach came in.
“Someone explain to me what just happened.” He said, his voice loud and
demanding. Steven’s hand dropped from Xabi’s wrist. Someone who was standing
close to the coach told him. “You three, get dressed and meet in my office,
now.”
Xabi couldn’t breathe. How could Mikel out him like that? So callously? What if
the coach tells them they have to contact their parents? What if he tells them
about Steven as well?
“Don’t panic, Xabi.” Steven whispered next to him in English. Xabi closed his
eyes, nodding. “If anything, Mikel will be suspended.” Xabi’s eyes shot open.
“Do you realize what he will do to me if that happens?” Xabi asked as he pulled
a shirt over his head. Steven pursed his lips.
“I’m sorry he did that to you.”
“You didn’t need to out yourself as well.” Xabi mumbled. Speaking English with
Steven felt weird, but secretive all at once. Everyone was looking at them but
Xabi didn’t care. Not now.
When they went into the coach’s office, Mikel was already in there with his
arms crossed. They were in the middle of a conversation.
“Good, you two are dressed.” The coach said, offering one of them a seat. There
were only two chairs and Mikel occupied one of them. Steven put his hand on
Xabi’s back, urging him to take it. Xabi sat without a word, putting his hands
in his lap. “Xabi, is there something you need to tell me?” The coach asked.
Xabi looked at the coach, then at Steven.
“I don’t see a reason to.” Xabi whispered, refusing to look at his brother. The
coach nodded.
“I don’t see what this has to do with how he played today.” Steven spoke up.
Xabi’s back stiffened at Steven’s tone. Mikel scoffed. One look from the coach
and they all remained quiet.
“If you three don’t make up, you’ll all be benched.” Mikel started to protest,
Steven as well. Xabi felt light headed. “Mikel, apologize.”
“I’m sorry.” He said quickly.
“Say why you are sorry.” Steven hissed. The coach put a hand up. Steven’s hands
were on the back of Xabi’s chair, his fingers against Xabi’s back. They felt
like fire, every movement was heightened. Xabi licked his lips, looking at his
brother.
“I’m sorry for getting angry that you took my starting position.” Mikel said
through gritted teeth. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” He wasn’t going
to say he was sorry for outing Xabi, that Xabi knew. He had always wanted to,
he knew that much. The coach nodded. Apparently that was what he wanted to
hear.
“If I so much as see any of you three look at each other the wrong way,” Xabi
wondered if the coach meant it in more than one way, “You’ll be off the squad,
understood?” All three of them nodded. “You’re dismissed.” Xabi remained
seated. He wasn’t going to say anything about Mikel outing him? Not a word.
Mikel just flipped his world upside down. “I said you are dismissed, Alonso.”
Steven yanked on Xabi’s shirt.
“Come on.” He urged him. Xabi looked at the coach and sighed. Steven’s hand was
on his neck, Xabi knocked it away. Last thing he needed was Steven touching
him. They didn’t need the team thinking that they... that they were together.
Because they weren’t.
Outside, Mikel walked in front of them to his car.
“If you two think you’re getting in my car you can fucking think again.” He
spat. Xabi stopped walking, along with Steven. Xabi got his phone out and
called Mikel Arteta to come and get them. While they waited, Xabi avoided eye
contact with Steven. He clenched his jaw and swallowed, looking to the ground.
“Do you think he will tell your parents?” Steven asked, breaking the silence.
Xabi shrugged. Xabi wanted to smile because Steven was speaking English again.
“I don’t know. I didn’t think he would tell anyone, not really.”
“He was jealous.” Steven stated. Xabi nodded, looking at him. Steven’s eyes
were on him, his hands shoved in his pockets and head tilted to the side. Xabi
licked his lips, looking away.
“I don’t know why. He has everything.”
“You don’t know him very well, do you?” Steven asked. Xabi’s eyes shot back to
him, narrowed.
“And you do?” Steven shrugged.
“You’re a better player than he is, and he knows it.”
Once they were dropped off at home, Steven got out of the car, but Xabi didn’t.
“We’re going to-”
“Yeah, alright.” Steven said. Xabi didn’t need to tell him what he was going
off with Mikel for. He knew. Mikel waved as he pulled away and Steven made his
way inside. Domeca called out from the kitchen.
“Boys! Mikel got home an hour ago where have you-,” She stopped when she
realized that Steven was alone. “Where is Xabi?” She asked, her hands on her
hips.
“He is with Mikel Arteta.” Steven said, swallowing.
“Dinner is in fifteen minutes, that boy better be here by then.” She said
walking back into the kitchen. Steven sighed, making his way up the stairs. He
opened the door to his room to find Xabi’s posters ripped down from the walls
and ceiling.
“Shit.” Steven murmured as he got up on the bed and started taking the shreds
down. Xabi was going to freak out when he came home. Mikel was more than
pissed.
“You take it up the ass, too huh?”
Steven turned around to find Mikel standing in the doorway. Steven rolled his
eyes as he took the remains of the posters down. “You know, I should have
known, what with you two sleeping in here together.”
“It isn’t like that.” Steven hissed.
“Yeah right, who’s on top? You?” Steven closed his eyes, trying to remain calm.
The last thing he needed was for Domeca to see them fighting and ask why.
“I told you, it isn’t fucking like that so back off.”
“He’s not sleeping in my room. He can sleep in the hallway for all I care.”
Mikel spat.
“We can move the trundle bed into here.” Steven whispered as he moved to the
walls. Mikel raised an eyebrow.
“And what would my parents say?” Steven shrugged. “I should just tell them-”
“Stop it.” Steven said, walking up to Mikel. “Don’t ruin his life more than you
already have.”
“Me? He ruined his own life.” Steven’s jaw clenched.
Xabi missed dinner. His parents didn’t say a word but the tension around the
table was obvious. You never missed dinner, ever. It was the same way at
Steven’s house in Liverpool. His parents didn’t care what he did, as long as he
was home for dinner. Jon was quiet, minding his own business as always. Domeca
and Periko asked how the game went. Steven told them about his goal, how Xabi
assisted in two of them and he was the reason they won the match. Steven
glanced at Mikel daring him to say otherwise.
“Wish he was here so we could celebrate that with him.” Periko said, sighing.
Steven excused himself, needing to finish cleaning up the mess Mikel had made.
Steven knew when Xabi got home by the yelling, then the stomping of feet as
Xabi ran up the stairs. Steven braced himself for the coming storm. When Xabi
walked into their room he froze, his mouth dropped open.
“I didn’t-”
“That bastard.” Xabi whispered. Steven took a step forward. Xabi knelt on the
ground at the pile Steven had made. Steven saw a tear drop from Xabi’s face. He
shut his eyes. He wanted to punch Mikel in the balls. Steven heard Mikel’s door
open and he rushed to the their open door and shut it, locking it. He didn’t
need Mikel snide remarks. Not right now. Xabi remained silent as he looked at
his posters. Steven cleared his throat.
“I started to look up how much they would be to replace-”
“What?” Xabi asked, looking up at Steven.
“I’ve found five of them already.” Steven said, sitting next to him. Xabi’s
eyes welled up with tears. “I am sure we can find the rest.” Xabi nodded,
wiping them away. “Are you... are you alright?” Steven asked. Xabi nodded.
“I think so.”
***** Chapter 6 *****
The shift happened slowly from November into December.
Mikel had been the one that brought it up, one day after he and Xabi finished
fucking, as Xabi got dressed.
“You’ve been acting weird.” Mikel said as he buttoned his shirt. Xabi
swallowed, shrugging.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Xabi said, tying his shoes. Mikel
scoffed.
“You know you can tell me, it isn’t like we are dating. You don’t owe me
anything.” Xabi looked at Mikel and bit his lip.
“I’ve had a lot going on.” Xabi said truthfully. Between taking his brother’s
starting position on the squad, to being on edge about his brother forcing him
out to their team mates... Xabi hadn’t felt like messing around. He kept
telling himself that, anyways.
“And sex relieves stress.” Mikel said, standing and walking over to Xabi. Xabi
smiled, their lips meeting in a kiss. Mikel wrapped his arms around Xabi. There
was no denying that. Sex was great, sex was all Xabi thought about. But not
with Mikel. Xabi couldn’t help but think of a certain someone else as he was
pinned down, as he had his mouth around Mikel. Xabi’s mind wandered to Steven
as Mikel kissed his neck. Xabi moaned. “Stay here tonight.” Mikel whispered
against Xabi’s skin as he tugged at Xabi’s shirt, trying to rid him of it
again. Xabi shook his head.
“I have to go home.”
“Why? Just call your parents and tell them-”
“No. I told Steven that-” Mikel sighed audibly, his hands stilling. Xabi bit
his lip. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“What? Look at you with your lips puffy and red after what you just did to me
and wonder why you don’t want to fucking stay here?” Mikel asked. Xabi licked
his lips. It wasn’t that Xabi didn’t want to stay, he did. But Steven... he
liked sleeping next to Steven. The first night when they both made a conscious
decision to sleep in the same bed, the night that Mikel ripped Xabi’s posters
down, Xabi had been a wreck. He remembered curling up in his chair with a
blanket while Steven was in the bathroom. When he came out, Steven shook his
head.
“What are you doing?” He had said, pulling Xabi out of the chair and into their
bed. After that night, nothing had to be said. The trundle bed collected dust,
Xabi didn’t set foot in that room again. If his parents noticed anything, they
didn’t say it. They usually weren’t awake by the time he went to bed anyways,
and it wasn’t like Mikel was going to complain that he had a room to himself
again. Maybe Steven would like a night alone, though.
“Alright.” Xabi said, his lips finding Mikel’s. “I’ll stay.”
Xabi barely slept, though. The sheets didn’t smell right, Mikel crowded him
more than Steven, and Xabi couldn’t stop thinking about him. If this was before
August, Xabi would have been elated to be tangled in bed with Mikel. His heart
would have skipped a beat if he had gotten to spend this much time with him.
Now, though, all he could think about was Steven sleeping alone.
When he got up the next morning to get ready for a match, he had a text from
Steven that was sent at three in the morning: just got home from Markel’s, why
is our bed empty?
Xabi bit his lip. He hadn’t told Steven. He called his parents, but... not
Steven. Steven had been at Markel’s but still came home to sleep in their bed.
Xabi hadn’t. It felt like a punch in the gut.
“Why the long face?” Mikel asked as he watched Xabi get dressed. Xabi stowed
his phone in his pocket and shook his head.
“Nothing, I have to get going, have a match.”
“I’ll take you and stay for it.” Mikel said putting his shoes on. Xabi nodded,
smiling.
As Xabi changed for the match in the locker rooms, Steven walked up to him with
a smile on his face.
“Someone had a good night.” He said, opening the locker next to Xabi’s. Xabi
rolled his eyes.
“Stop talking about yourself in the third person.” Xabi said in English. Steven
laughed, shaking his head. “It’s unbecoming.”
“I was talking about you, not coming home.” Xabi’s jaw hung open for a minute.
“About that-”
“Mikel’s?” Steven asked as he changed in front of Xabi without a second
thought. Xabi swallowed, averting his eyes as he sat down to pull his socks up.
He nodded. “Good.” Xabi looked up at that response.
“What do you mean by that?” He asked. Steven shrugged.
“You two hadn’t been spending much time together lately, that’s all.” He said,
his hand patting Xabi on the head before he turned to go out onto the pitch to
stretch. Xabi looked down at his hands. Steven had Markel, he had Ander as
well. Fuck buddies, no strings attached. Xabi had Mikel.
It was cold and windy, and Xabi took his time warming up his muscles. The match
itself ended in a draw but he didn’t mind. He and Steven connected, once more,
beautifully in midfield. It was the highlight of his week, playing with Steven.
After the match, Mikel was waiting for him by his car. Steven walked with Xabi,
since Xabi’s brother no longer drove them. Mikel kissed Xabi on the lips. Xabi
tensed, still feeling weird kissing Mikel in front of Steven. It wasn’t that he
cared that Steven saw, but he wasn’t sure why it still bugged him.
Christmas was coming up fast, and Steven couldn’t wait to see his family, his
friends. Within the week he would be home, in his own bed, for an entire week
and a half. He couldn’t believe his time in Spain was going by so fast. Between
homework and football his time was eaten up by Markel, Ander, and Xabi. Xabi
not the same as Markel and Ander, obviously, though. Xabi was different. Xabi
and his relationship was fragile, felt as though it could crumble at the
slightest tear. He let it develop as slowly as Xabi wanted. He was happy with
hanging out with Xabi and Mikel if they asked, or hanging out with Markel.
Everything was an unspoken agreement when it came to them. Xabi didn’t talk
about Mikel, didn’t talk about anything, really.
Xabi was the most closed off person that Steven knew. Almost always stoic, but
with a lot of emotion bubbling beneath the surface. Steven could sense when
Xabi had more to say, but he never said it.
Steven woke up to Xabi getting out of bed. He shifted, his palm laying on the
spot where Xabi had just been. Warm to the touch, Steven shut his eyes and
waited for him to return. Steven sat up when a few minutes went by and there
was no sound of the shower. He looked towards the bathroom, the light was off,
the door cracked open. Steven’s brow furrowed as he rubbed his eyes. He hadn’t
heard their bedroom door open, or close. Had he fallen asleep and not realized
it? Xabi would have woken him up before class. Steven stood up and made his way
towards the bathroom. He was about to open the door, his hand on the doorknob
when he heard a noise.
He held his breath, pressing his ear against the door, careful not to block the
light where it was cracked open. Xabi was in the bathroom. Steven bit his lip
when he heard Xabi moan. His eyes widened when he heard the distinct sound that
any teenage boy knew well.
“Shit.” Steven whispered as he took a step back. Xabi was jacking off. Steven
felt his cock twitch, he closed his eyes as he cupped his crotch with his hand
and crawled back into bed. Xabi could be thinking about anyone, or no one.
Could be just a morning jack. Could be he woke up thinking about Mikel, or he
had a wet dream.
Before Steven knew it, the shower turned on. Thinking about how Xabi probably
just came made Steven hard. Fucking everything turned him on. Teenage hormones.
The sound of a zipper going down was enough to get his blood flowing south. To
hear Xabi moan? Jesus Christ.
The shower turned off and Steven wondered just how long he had been daydreaming
about Xabi. The door opened and Xabi came out wearing a towel. Steven sat up,
watching Xabi as he walked into the closet to get his clothes. Steven got out
of bed and made his way into the bathroom before Xabi could notice his hard on.
Steven turned the shower back on and stripped off his boxer briefs. As soon as
he was under the spray his hand was wrapped around his cock. Steven closed his
eyes as he cleared his mind. He pushed Xabi out of his mind, or tried to. He
thought of him first because he had just been in here, jacking off just like he
was doing now. Steven pictured Markel with his mouth around his cock. Markel
shifted to Xabi almost immediately. Steven gasped as his balls tightened. Fuck
if he was going to come after just a few strokes of his own hand. While
thinking about Xabi.
Xabi appeared in his mind once more, on his knees, mouth open for him. Steven
came with a shudder. He cursed under his breath as he began washing himself off
quickly. By the time he wandered back into their room, Xabi was dressed and
reading while laying on the bed.
“Trouble waking up?” Xabi asked. Steven’s brow furrowed.
“What do you mean?” He asked as he pulled on briefs and a pair of jeans.
“Longest shower ever. I bet Mikel is cursing the cold shower he is about to
have.” Xabi said, laughing. Steven smiled.
“Fell asleep standing up, if you could believe it.” He murmured as he pulled on
a shirt.
The week flew by, what with a midweek match and a party to look forward to.
Ander’s older brother was throwing it, but Ander invited his friends anyways.
“If my parents went out of town I wouldn’t be able to pull off throwing a
party.” Xabi said to Mikel at lunch the day of the party. The last day Steven
was going to be in town before Christmas.
“If your parents went out of town, just the two of us could have a party.”
Mikel said, winking at him. Xabi laughed and shook his head. No, they wouldn’t.
Not if Steven was there. Xabi bit his lip as he looked at Steven’s table.
Surrounded by Ander, Markel, and all his other friends. Steven fit in easily
with them, he didn’t need Xabi or Mikel Alonso to show him around anymore. “No?
You wouldn’t want to fuck on the couch?” Mikel asked. Xabi pushed him.
“No.”
“I know you like when we fuck on the table-”
“Mikel.” Xabi said, his voice harsh. “Stop it.” Mikel rolled his eyes.
“If you don’t want to mess around anymore, Xabi, just fucking tell me.” Mikel
said, fed up with Xabi’s hot and cold attitude.
“That isn’t what-”
“What do you want, then?” Xabi thought about Steven, about Ander and Markel.
Steven didn’t need him, but did he need Mikel, did he want Mikel?
“I don’t know.”
“Well how about we use other people for a bit? Take a break.” Mikel mumbled.
“If you don’t know what you want then I can go somewhere else.” Xabi’s
shoulders sank. “It’s not like Ander and I haven’t been-”
“What?” Xabi asked. Mikel shrugged.
“We’re casual, Xabi. We aren’t in a relationship.”
“I know that.” Xabi said, his brow furrowed. He looked at Steven’s table, at
Ander. Was everyone sleeping around and he hadn’t even realized it?
“And besides, you knew Ander and I have fucked.” Xabi bit his lip. He forgot.
He had been preoccupied with Steven.
“I guess I didn’t think about it.” Xabi said truthfully. He stood up. “Fine, go
sit with them, then. I am going. I didn’t do my maths assignment that is due in
twenty minutes.” Xabi walked off, not waiting for an answer. They had always
been casual. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t do the same, find someone else. Or he
didn’t need to find anyone.
When Xabi got home from school, he took a nap. Jon woke him up for dinner,
which surprised him. Steven wasn’t home for it.
“He is at his friend Ander’s.” Domeca said, passing Xabi his plate. “He called
us after school to let us know.” Xabi’s heart sank, he ate in silence. Steven’s
chair was empty beside him. “Are you going out tonight?” She asked him. Xabi
shrugged. He didn’t feel like it. “Steven mentioned you joining him there at
some point.” She added.
“You two seem to be getting along well.” Periko chimed in. Mikel held back any
remarks that he had and kept quiet. Xabi shrugged.
“I guess so.”
Xabi wondered what would happen if he didn’t go to the party. Steven was
leaving in the morning and Mikel and he were on a break. What the fuck was he
going to do when Steven was gone? Xabi looked up at his half replaced posters,
the ones that Steven was able to find, and smiled. It startled him when his
phone rang. It was Steven.
“Hey.” Xabi answered in English. Steven laughed into the phone.
“Hey yourself. What the fuck are you doing?” He asked. Wherever he was, it was
loud.
“Nothing.” Xabi said, sighing. “Laying in bed.”
“Come to Ander’s.”
“No, I don’t feel like it.” Xabi said, biting his lip. He didn’t want to see
anyone, Steven or Mikel, making out with Ander.
“You’re such a little shit. Get over here, Mikel is already here. I thought
you’d get here with him.” Xabi rolled his eyes.
“We aren’t a couple.”
“I know that.” Xabi heard Steven sigh. It got quiet, as if Steven had walked
outside. “Are you really not coming over?”
“Maybe in a while.”
“I’ll try to save some alcohol for you.” Xabi could tell that Steven was
smiling. Ander’s house wasn’t far from Xabi’s, a ten minute walk.
When he got there the first thing he did was get a drink. He was handed a shot,
which he downed without asking what it was. Ander’s older brother was in
University, as were most of the people at the party.
Most of Ander’s friends seemed to be outside, even though it was cold. Before
he went outside, he had another shot. For warmth. When he ventured outside the
first person he ran into was Ander.
“You’re here! Steven and Mikel said you weren’t coming.” Ander said, smiling at
Xabi. Xabi shrugged, biting his tongue at the caustic remark that he wanted to
toss Ander’s way. What did they see in him? Did it matter what they saw, if
anything? He was just a jack and a quick fuck. Maybe he didn’t mean a thing.
Maybe he was a good lay.
“Have you seen them?” Xabi asked. Chances were that Steven was with Markel,
Mikel with someone else. Ander laughed, nodding.
“Yeah, they’re around.” Xabi turned away. He was no help. Probably high as a
fucking kite on top of drunk. Xabi was about to walk inside when he saw them.
Mikel and Steven, kissing. He stopped in his tracks, his drink forgotten in his
hand as it dropped to the ground. What the fuck?
They weren’t just kissing. Mikel’s hand was down-
Xabi stepped forward, pushing at Mikel.
“What the fuck?” Xabi said, directing his anger at Mikel.
“Should ask you the same thing.” Mikel said, taking a step closer to Xabi.
Steven put a hand on both of their shoulders. Without looking at Steven, Xabi
swatted his hand away.
“You couldn’t wait to get your hands down his fucking pants could you?”
“Xabi-” Steven started, grabbing his arm. Xabi yanked it away from him,
ignoring him.
“You didn’t want to fuck around anymore, remember Xabi? I’m free to do what I
want. I’m not yours.” Mikel said switching to Basque, his hand going up to
Xabi’s face, gripping it. “You can’t tell me who I can’t fuck around with.”
“Mikel, let go of him.” Steven said, grabbing Mikel’s wrist.
“Not him.” Xabi spat. “You can’t fuck around with him!” He said, lunging
forward. Steven was there, grabbing Xabi by the chest, holding him back.
“Why, because you can’t have him?” Mikel screamed. The fire went out of Xabi,
he stood there, with Steven’s arms around him. “You’re not pissed because he
was kissing me.” Xabi pushed Steven’s hands away. He needed him not to touch
him right now. “You’re pissed because I was kissing him.” Mikel laughed. “Well
guess what? It doesn’t mean anything, Xabi. Most of us think with our dicks.
Don’t think for a minute that you aren’t like the rest of us.”
Xabi turned and made his way back into the house. Shots, he needed another
fucking shot. Or two. He downed one before Steven’s hand stilled the second
just before it touched his lips.
“Stop it.” He said, his lips near Xabi’s ear. Xabi brought his head forward and
downed it anyways. Fuck everything. “Xabi-”
“Fuck off!” Xabi said, glaring at Steven.
“No.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“Go blow Mikel. Or Ander, or fuck Markel.” Xabi said, reaching for another.
Steven grabbed his wrist and pulled him away from the shots. “Let go.” Xabi
said, knowing he sounded petulant. He was currently trying to fend off
screaming. Mikel had his hand down Steven’s pants. At a party. That Steven
wanted him to come to. “Why did you even call me?” Xabi asked. Steven looked
around.
“I didn’t know that was going to happen. I thought you weren’t coming.” He
said, suddenly speaking English instead of Spanish. It took Xabi a moment
before he noticed the change.
“You asked me to come.”
“That doesn’t mean you were going to. You don’t take orders from anyone.”
Steven said, smiling a little. Xabi sneered.
“I’m going home.”
“I’ll go with you.” Steven said, following him. Xabi shook his head.
“No, I don’t want you.” Xabi spat. Steven swallowed, frowning.
“We both know that isn’t true.” Xabi stilled, turning around to face him.
“When you get home, I’ll be on the trundle bed.” Xabi said, eyes narrowed.
Steven didn’t respond, and didn’t follow as Xabi left.
Xabi lied. He didn’t go into Mikel’s room. He went into his own. Stripping down
to his underwear he crawled into bed, the alcohol hitting him along with a wave
of emotion as he laid down in the dark, alone.
***** Chapter 7 *****
England wasn’t the same, somehow. It wasn’t as cold as Steven remembered, and
his room was a lot smaller than before. His mother’s hugs felt tighter, Jamie’s
laugh was louder, and Michael’s insistence was just as grating to his nerves.
Not even a day in England and Michael showed up.
“You look good.” He said, smiling. Steven had just rolled out of bed, hadn’t
showered, or dressed. He scoffed.
“What are you doing here?” He asked, his voice strained. He hadn’t been
sleeping. His bed was so empty, so small. His twin compared to Xabi and he’s
full bed, well. Steven closed his eyes, counting to five. “You could have
called first, Michael.”
“You have other plans?” Michael asked.
“Actually, yeah. Going round Carra’s.” He said, yawning.
“Can we make plans for later?” Michael asked.
“I’m seeing someone.” He whispered, searching his bag for clothes to wear.
Michael arched an eyebrow.
“You liar.”
“I’m not lying.” Steven feigned. It made his chest tighten, saying that he was.
He would be if he wasn’t such an asshole. It was partly true. “He’s in Spain.”
“More like you probably have a few people you are ‘seeing’, that doesn’t mean
we can’t-”
“Michael.” Steven said, his voice firm. “No.”
“Well, you have my number. While you’re in town-”
“Thanks, I know.” Steven said, biting his lip. “And if I wasn’t attached I’d
take you up on that.” He lied through his teeth. Xabi didn’t give a shit what
he did, or who he did. When Steven got home Xabi was in their bed, like he said
he wouldn’t be, but when Steven got in it he didn’t acknowledge him. He stayed
turned away from him, and in the morning he hadn’t gotten out of bed. In the
morning Steven made noise as he got ready to leave, but Xabi didn’t stir. He
knelt in front of him, ran his fingers through his hair once and sighed. Xabi
pretended he was asleep. He didn’t want to talk to him. Steven had sighed
audibly.
“We’ll talk when I get back.” He said as he stood. With that, he left.
Now he stood in his room, wishing he had stayed long enough to get Xabi to talk
to him. Now, he had to deal with Michael.
Once he got to Jamie’s, though, thoughts of Spain left him. All of his friends
showed up. It seemed as though Jamie had gotten a party together for him.
Everyone was there, even Michael. With a drink in hand, Steven rolled his eyes.
“Did you have to invite him?” Steven asked. Jamie shrugged.
“I mean when you get drunk you usually go off with him anyways.” Steven
shrugged. It was true, put a few drinks in him and he got handsy, and mouthy-
Steven was reminded of Mikel Arteta. Fuck everything. Could he go five minutes
without thinking about Spain and the people therein? No? Shit.
Jamie and his friends kept him busy, though. They went to the pub almost every
night, the movies during the day, along with hanging out with his brother Paul
as much as he could, eating dinner with his family and celebrating Christmas
with them. He barely had time to sleep, let alone think about how when he got
back to Spain he and Xabi would no longer be on speaking terms. The silent
treatment was what waited for him upon his return and he knew it.
Xabi slept until noon the first day of break. His mother woke him up by pushing
him off his bed to get to the sheets off of he and Steven’s bed.
“Mama, what are you doing?” He asked, grabbing a pillow from the bed and
crawling into his chair.
“Well if you are staying in here while Steven is gone the least I can do is
wash the sheets.” She said, smiling at him as if that would make him feel
better. Xabi buried his face in Steven’s pillow and groaned. “Hand me that
pillow.”
“This one is mine, I just washed my sheets.” Xabi mumbled. It felt calming to
talk in Basque, not having to speak in Spanish while Steven was here. He just
realized that was what his mother had been speaking. Between Spanish, Basque,
and English Xabi’s head was spinning. He didn’t know what he was speaking
anymore. His mother sighed, leaving him there with a fresh set of sheets for
him to make his bed with. Xabi made his bed, then crawled back in it.
Forcing himself out of bed every morning and into the shower felt like a chore,
but by Christmas he was comfortable with being alone in his room. He read all
he wanted, caught up on tv shows he had fallen behind on, and moved his room
around one afternoon. With money his parents gave him he bought new posters,
mixing them in with the ones Steven bought him.
He pushed the bed against the wall and put the book shelf near his chair. Mikel
called, twice. The first time, Xabi ignored him but the second time he
answered.
“What is it?” He asked, curled up in his chair, in the middle of reading Faith
of the Fallen.
“Wanted to see if you would answer.” Mikel said, a hint of a laugh in his
voice. Xabi’s jaw clenched.
“Well I did.” Xabi idly traced the cover of the book as he waited for Mikel to
say something.
“Look, I’m sorry.”
“For what? Thinking with your dick?” Xabi scoffed. “Oh, right. Apparently I
think with mine too so that doesn’t warrant an apology-”
“Xabi shut up for a minute, alright? It didn’t mean anything to me and
apparently it meant a hell of a lot to you and we didn’t realize-”
“We? So you discussed it before your hand-”
“No.” Xabi sighed, biting his lip. “It just... happened.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“That’s not why I called, anyways. Come out with us tonight.” Xabi laughed. “I
am serious, come out, have fun, stop sitting in your room and reading.” Xabi
looked down at his book. This was such bullshit, why should he be home alone
when Steven was probably fucking any one he could in England.
“Fine.”
“Really? That was easier than I thought it would be.”
“I’m not hooking up with you.” Xabi said, getting up from the chair to change
clothes.
“We were friends before we started fucking, Xabi.” Mikel said, serious. Xabi
knew that, but he wasn’t sure if Mikel still wanted to be friends. “That’s why
I am getting you out of the house. I’m coming to get you in fifteen minutes, be
ready.” Mikel hung up the phone on Xabi, who tossed his phone onto the bed and
started changing clothes.
Fuck if he was going to spend the rest of his break in his room, alone.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Steven felt a tightness in his chest as he got off the plane from England.
Being back in San Sebastian felt odd, eerie even. Periko, Domeca, and Jon
picked him up from the airport.
“Did you have a good holiday?” He asked them. Periko looked to Domeca, letting
her answer.
“We did, the house has been so quiet without you there.” She said, smiling. Jon
rolled his eyes. Steven raised an eyebrow.
“What’s that for?” He asked him. Jon shrugged.
“It hasn’t been quiet at all.”
When they pulled into the driveway and got out Steven asked him what he meant
by that. “Well, Xabi and Mikel have been at each other’s throats, whenever Xabi
has been home.”
“You say that like he hasn’t been home much.” Steven said as they walked
inside. Jon shrugged.
“He hasn’t been.”
When Steven walked into their room his jaw dropped. Everything was moved
around.
“Jesus.” He whispered, dropping his bag to the ground. The bed, pushed against
the wall, was unmade. Steven wondered if it was pushed against the wall so that
only one person could get in and out easily. The closet was like a bomb went
off, clothes strewn everywhere. Steven crossed his arms and bit his lip. Where
was Xabi? Steven texted him, asking where he was. He got a reply: out.
Dinner was quiet, Xabi-less, and afterwards Mikel came into Steven’s room
without knocking.
“You’re going to have to start making up excuses now, since you’re back.”
Steven’s brow furrowed.
“What do you mean?” He asked Mikel as he unpacked his bag.
“I mean the shit he is pulling. Not coming home, sleeping all day. You’re both
freaks, you deal with him. He only throws shit at me.” Steven looked up, Mikel
was serious. “Did something happen, before you left I mean?” Steven shrugged.
“What the fuck ever. I don’t give a shit what he does but you need to set him
straight. We don’t have a lot of rules, but not being home for dinner for the
third night in a row is ridiculous.” Mikel left Steven alone. Steven grabbed
his phone and called Mikel Alonso.
“Steven? What are you-”
“Are you with Xabi?” Steven asked.
“He’s here, yeah. But I’m not with him.” Steven’s eyes narrowed.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“You know what it means, Steven.” Steven’s mouth was dry. Months, Steven had
been there for months and Xabi had never been with anyone except Mikel. What
the fuck was going on? “We’re at Ander’s.” Ander’s. Steven thought that when he
came back Xabi would be in bed, pissed off but shut down. He had been wrong,
obviously. He grabbed his jacket and set off for Ander’s.
Once there, Ander greeted him with a grin and a kiss. Steven’s lips barely
touched Ander’s before he walked inside, looking for Xabi. His heart was in his
throat.
“Mikel said that he’s here.” Steven said, turning around, looking at Ander.
“Where’s Xabi?” Ander shrugged.
“He was here, he left with one of my brother’s friends.” Ander’s hands were on
Steven, working at his jeans. Steven looked over at Mikel.
“You said he was here.” He pushed Ander’s hands away and took a step towards
Mikel.
“He was, he left.”
“With someone from Uni?” He asked. Mikel laughed, nodding. “Are you high?” He
asked them. They nodded. “Xabi too?” Again, they nodded.
Steven wasn’t against doing drugs, but he never pegged Xabi as someone who
smoked. It was like he didn’t even know him, or any of them.
“We got it from my brother.” Steven nodded, taking his phone out of his pocket
to call Xabi. It rang once then went to voicemail. Xabi hit ignore.
“Shit.” Steven murmured as he listened to Xabi’s voicemail message. In English
Steven left a message, “Xabi it’s me. Call me, come home tonight.” He hung up
the phone, realizing he sounded panicked. He turned to Ander, sighing. “I’ve
got to go.”
“But you just got here.” He said, a hand reaching out and grabbing Steven by
his neck. “Tell us about England, your holiday.” He urged. Steven licked his
lips and sat down. He couldn’t even think about England right now.
“I can’t.” He said, standing. “If Xabi comes back here, tell him-”
“That you came running to his rescue?” Mikel asked. Steven shot him a glare.
“You think you know him, but you don’t.”
“I know him better than you think.”
“Doubtful.” Mikel said as he stood at the same time as Steven.
“You kissed me knowing, didn’t you? Knowing what would happen if he saw.” Mikel
shrugged.
“It’s not as if he called dibs on you.” Steven scoffed, looking at Ander.
“You can’t call dibs on a person.” Steven said angrily.
“So you shouldn’t be stomping around, angry that someone else has him right
now.” Mikel said, taking a step towards Steven. “You can only think about what
you want, about what’s in front of you.” Steven sneered, taking a step back. He
didn’t want anyone. Steven turned around, leaving without another word. He was
too pissed off to spar with them more. Ander sitting there watching as if Mikel
and Steven were about to have angry sex in his living room. Jesus Christ, had
everything been this fucked up before he left? A tangled web of fucking around
and he hadn’t seen it?
Steven stayed up as late as he could, but by two in the morning his eyelids
were so heavy that he couldn’t keep them open any longer. He woke when Xabi
turned on the light some time later.
“Xabi.” Steven said, sitting up in bed. Xabi stood in the doorway, his hand
still on the light switch as he stared at Steven. Languidly, Xabi shut the
door, slowly sighing as he walked across the room, stripping off his shirt and
jeans as he did. He turned on the bedside lamp, then switched off the overhead
light. Without a word he slid into bed, taking the pillow that Steven had been
laying on and switching it with his own. Steven let him. “Xabi-” Xabi laid
down, his back turned towards Steven. Steven swallowed, Xabi smelled like...
like sex.
“Xabi-”
“I came home, alright?” He said in English, his voice cracked. “What else do
you fucking want from me?” He mumbled. Steven sighed. He felt overwhelmed, his
chest tight. He reached out tentatively, his fingers ghosting over Xabi’s
shoulder, down his arm. Xabi didn’t move.
“I was worried.” Xabi turned onto his back, looking at Steven.
“What’s that saying... if you can’t beat them, join them?” He said, biting his
lip as he looked at Steven. Steven’s breath caught in his throat. Xabi was
closed off, his body stiff, his face guarded. He looked like he did when they
met. Months of chipping away at the wall that Xabi had put up around himself.
It was as if he had filled in the gaps with cement while he was gone. He was
back at square one.
They may be in the same bed, but Xabi wasn’t having any of it. When it came to
sleeping in Mikel’s room verses his own, Xabi chose to be with Steven. But that
didn’t mean he wanted to have anything to do with Steven.
“You don’t mean that.” Steven whispered. Xabi arched an eyebrow at him.
“Don’t be a hypocrite, Steven.” Xabi said, turning back over and turning off
the light. “You get to keep your dick wet in anyone you want but I can’t?”
Disdain dripped from his voice. Steven closed his eyes, thinking about all the
times he slipped in late at night, probably smelling like sex, just as Xabi
did. Only then Xabi curled in against him, pulled him close.
***** Chapter 9 *****
The first match back, the coach pulled both Xabi and Steven aside at half time,
disgruntled at how nothing was connecting between them.
“What is going on with you two?” He asked them. Xabi had his arms crossed, his
jaw clenched and he was avoiding eye contact with Steven. Steven looked at the
coach and shrugged.
“I don’t know, we can work it out.”
“You better, or I am subbing you both out.” Xabi and Steven exchanged glances
as the coach walked away. Xabi had barely spoken a word to him since he came
back from England, aside from that first night back. They didn’t see each other
while at school and Xabi only stayed home long enough to eat dinner. How he got
any homework done, Steven had no clue.
“Xabi can’t we just talk-” Steven stopped mid sentence, Xabi cut him through
with a death glare. “At least for the matches. You have to pass to me without
trying to kill me when you do it.” Steven said, keeping his voice hushed. Xabi
scoffed.
“If you knew how to control the ball better my passes wouldn’t be a problem.”
Xabi said, his tone biting. Steven grit his teeth.
“Well ease up on me, since I can’t seem to keep up with your passes.” Steven
said, emphasizing the end of his sentence.
After the match, which they lost, Xabi showered fast and was out of the locker
room before Steven even started to change. Aitor, Ander’s older brother’s
friend, was waiting for him as he made his way to the parking lot.
“You win?” He asked Xabi. He had been waiting for Xabi, leaning on the hood of
his car. Xabi shook his head.
“No, no thanks to Gerrard.” Xabi mumbled in Basque. He liked hanging out with
Aitor, even though they didn’t do anything besides mess around. Xabi heard
someone calling his name, so he opened the car door. He wasn’t in the mood for
more of Steven’s shit. All he wanted to do was move on, and Steven was making
that hard. It hurt, being around him. Why couldn’t he understand that? He broke
his heart, seeing him kiss Mikel. What they were heading towards, or so Xabi
thought, had been something. But Steven didn’t care, until Xabi stopped caring.
“Speaking of Gerrard,” Aitor said as he put out a cigarette. “He seems to be
coming for you.”
“So get in the car and let’s go.” Xabi said, huffing angrily.
Steven, hair still soaking wet, ran towards the car. It was Saturday, the only
night a week the Alonso’s didn’t care if you weren’t home for dinner. If Xabi
left now-
“Xabi!” Steven screamed. Xabi looked at him as the car pulled away. “Shit.” He
said, running his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know what to do. Steven
hadn’t hung around Ander, Markel, or Mikel in weeks. However, that didn’t seem
to phase Xabi; he still wouldn’t talk to him. It was as though it wasn’t even
about the kiss with Mikel anymore. So much time had passed that it seemed like
a vague memory, clouded and jumbled. Steven couldn’t even remember how he had
thought it was okay to kiss him in the first place. Alcohol, Xabi refusing to
come out on his last night in San Sebastian, Mikel being there...
Mikel Alonso invited Steven out with he and his friends to play pool. Steven
gave in. He wasn’t about to spend the night alone, again. What he didn’t expect
was to find Xabi there, kissing someone. Mikel didn’t see him, he wasn’t paying
attention but Steven thought he stuck out. It was Aitor who Xabi was with. He
couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t just stand there, watching Xabi with Aitor. It made
him angry, he realized. He was jealous. Eyes narrowing, brow furrowed, anger
built up inside of him at seeing Xabi with him. This was what Xabi felt,
perhaps more so than Steven. Especially since Xabi had seen Steven with someone
he had been with. Steven excused himself, walking outside into the cold. It
wouldn’t take him long to walk home from where they were, about twenty minutes
or so. And at that moment Steven needed to get away.
Xabi saw Steven out of the corner of his eye. He pulled away from Aitor’s kiss,
covering his mouth as he looked around. His brother and his friends were there,
but why had Steven been? Xabi watched him walk out alone, hands shoved in his
pockets. Xabi bit his bottom lip, uneasy. He looked at Aitor, and gave him a
chaste kiss on the lips.
“I’m going to go.” He whispered.
“Why?” Aitor asked.
“I just have to.” He said as he grabbed his coat and ran after Steven. He could
see him walking ahead, his collar popped to fight the wind. It was crisp
outside, biting for late January. When Xabi was almost caught up with Steven he
slowed down. He didn’t know what he was doing, why he had followed him out.
Steven stopped walking and turned around, Xabi stilled, eyes wide.
“I thought I heard someone coming up.” Steven whispered, his voice clipped.
Xabi bit his lip. He felt like crying, emotions welled up. Steven looked upset,
which Xabi had never seen before. His face was wet, as if there had been tears
there a moment ago but were wiped away.
“I was just, um,” Xabi exhaled, then shrugged. He had nothing, no excuse. “I
felt like I had to run after you.” He admitted. Steven shifted his weight from
one leg to the other uneasily. Steven cleared his throat. “What were you doing
with Mikel?” Xabi asked, meaning his brother. Steven shrugged.
“I didn’t have anyone else to hang out with.” Steven answered truthfully.
“What about Ander, Markel...” Xabi didn’t want to say Mikel. He wouldn’t do it.
“I haven’t hung out with them since I came back.” Steven said, as if it was
obvious. Xabi’s brow furrowed at Steven’s tone. “It’s fucking freezing, I’m
going home.” Xabi licked his lips as he watched Steven turn around and start
walking. He waited a moment then started after him.
When he caught up with him, Steven didn’t turn his attention towards Xabi. He
felt like he needed to say something, to apologize but why should he? He was
only doing what Steven had been doing since he arrived. It wasn’t as though it
meant something to either of them.
“What are you doing?” Steven asked after they walked in silence for a while.
Xabi shrugged.
“Going home.”
“Why?” Steven asked. Xabi bit his lip. ‘Because I want to be with you’, Xabi
thought but couldn’t say. There was no way he could say it, now.
“Because I want to.” He said foolishly. Steven swallowed, looking at him out of
the corner of his eye. “I’m sorry for kicking balls at you like I have been.”
Xabi said, diverting the conversation. Steven laughed, despite of the knot in
his stomach.
“You were angry at me, you are angry.” Steven supplied.
“I don’t even remember what for.” Xabi admitted. “I mean, I do, but now it
seems stupid.” Steven sighed, slowing his pace until he stopped fully.
“I do.” He whispered. Xabi took a step towards him subconsciously. “I’m sorry
about what happened, with Mikel.” Xabi closed his eyes and breathed out slowly.
“I wasn’t thinking, I was drunk, it was my last night in town and you told me-”
“I told you I wasn’t coming.” Xabi said, his voice cracking slightly as he
cleared his throat. “Mikel’s been an asshole about it.”
“I don’t care about Mikel, I ca-” Steven stopped himself, looking away from
Xabi. Xabi could see Steven’s breath in the cold, crisp air as he breathed
through his mouth, sniffling back his emotions. “I don’t do... relationships.”
Steven whispered, admitting it out loud. Xabi nodded.
“I know.”
“But I have no feelings for Ander, or Markel, or Mikel.” Xabi looked up at
Steven, his breath caught somewhere between his lungs and his throat, unable to
exhale as he waited. “The truth is, seeing you with Aitor felt like shattered
glass, or some cliche thing about getting hit with a ton of bricks or-”
“I get it.” Xabi said, biting back a smile. Steven looked down at his hands,
unable to look Xabi in the eye.
“I can’t imagine what it felt like when you saw us.”
“Like those cliche sayings, like the wind got knocked out of me.” Xabi
swallowed, finally breathing out.
“So... are we alright?” Steven asked, unsure. Xabi shrugged.
“You really haven’t seen any of them since you got back?” Xabi asked. Steven
shook his head. “Yeah, we’re alright.” He said without hesitation. “I just hope
the coach doesn’t sideline us after that match.
Steven smiled, shaking his head.
“I think we’ll be fine if we show him at practice that we don’t hate each
other.” Steven said as he started to walk again. Xabi followed him. For the
first time since that night, he felt at ease, as if he was able to breathe
properly.
When they got home, they watched a movie with Jon then got ready for bed. Xabi
put on pajama bottoms because he hadn’t warmed up since they got home. During
the movie he huddled underneath a blanket, but as soon as he got up he felt
like he was freezing. He pulled on a long sleeved shirt as well before he
crawled into the bed while Steven was in the bathroom. He had been sleeping on
the edge of the bed but now he made himself comfortable on the side nearest the
wall. Steven too, had a shirt on, and socks.
“My feet are freezing.” Steven mumbled as he crawled into bed, burrowing under
the covers. Xabi turned on his side towards Steven, scooting closer, his hand
laying on Steven’s stomach lazily.
“Is this okay?” Xabi asked. Steven nodded in the darkness, covering his hand
with Xabi’s. Xabi closed his eyes, relaxing. Sleeping beside Steven since his
return had been agony, but he couldn’t go back to Mikel’s room. As angry as he
was at Steven, he didn’t want to be apart from him. He didn’t know what hurt
worse, seeing Mikel kiss him or sleeping in the same bed but not talking to
him.
How many times had he woken up in the middle of the night turned towards him
and have to shift, to roll away from him? Too many. Now, though, he felt as
though a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.
Steven couldn’t fall asleep. His mind was reeling. How could they start the day
at each other’s throats and now end up in bed, with Xabi’s hand on his stomach?
Better yet, how the fuck could Xabi sleep? Steven’s body was on fire,
especially his stomach where Xabi’s hand rested, where his own hand covered
Xabi’s. Steven licked his lips, shifting his position. He wanted to be closer
to Xabi, and fuck if he wasn’t going to go for it. He rolled onto his side,
scooting closer to Xabi, pulling Xabi’s arm so that it hung over his side. Xabi
stirred slightly, apparently he had really fallen asleep. Steven’s hand cupped
Xabi’s face, then moved slowly, running his fingers through Xabi’s hair. Xabi
opened his eyes, his lips parted sleepily.
“Hmm?” Xabi asked, his body conforming against Steven’s, his leg slipping
between Steven’s easily, making himself more comfortable. Steven smiled, happy
that Xabi didn’t push him back.
“Go back to sleep.” Steven whispered. Xabi tilted his head upwards, his eyes
closed, and found Steven’s lips with his. The kiss was short, chaste, but
loaded. It was over in a flash, but Steven could still feel Xabi’s lips against
his. Xabi buried his face against Steven’s shoulder, tightening his grip around
his waist. Steven fell asleep, clinging to Xabi as if he needed him to survive.
Xabi woke up, his limbs tangled with Steven’s. His eyes widened as he saw his
hand on Steven’s chest, he pushed himself away from him, his heart beating
fast. His fingers went to his own lips as he remembered kissing him.
“Shit.” He said under his breath as he untangled his legs, crawling over
Steven’s sleeping form. He raked his fingers through his hair, as he walked
into the bathroom. After everything that happened, after knowing Steven didn’t
want a relationship, after hooking up with everyone since Steven kissed
Mikel... Xabi was confused. He didn’t know what he wanted, what Steven wanted
and how kissing was going to solve anything? How waking up like he just had
would be at all helpful. “It isn’t.” He said as he looked at himself in the
mirror. Who he saw was not him, not really. Sleeping around was not him,
staying out all night was not like him. But what else could he do? Pine after
someone he couldn’t have? Why the fuck should he stand aside and watch Steven
fuck around anyways? He shouldn’t have to. It was his fault for letting him in
in the first place.
Xabi wished he still hated Steven’s guts because everything hurt. Yeah, he said
they were alright, but that didn’t mean the scar from what happened wasn’t
still there. If anything it was an open wound, left alone to fester for a few
weeks then had peroxide poured over it. Xabi made a face as he thought about
that metaphor. Disgusting.
He brushed his teeth then walked back into their room. Steven had kicked off
the sheets and shifted onto his back. Xabi bit his lip as he looked at him,
half hard with a morning erection. What would happen if he woke him up with his
mouth around his cock? Let Xabi blow him, most likely. But then again, no one
would turn down a morning blow job. Xabi wet his lips and sighed, opening his
closet and making a ruckus. He wasn’t going to dive into something, thinking
with his dick like Mikel said they all did.
Steven lived here, with him. He would rather be his friend than his fuck buddy,
or so he told himself. Better to be talking to each other than be distant and
cold because he can’t have what he wanted. He could be friends with benefits
with other people, but not with Steven. He couldn’t do it, wouldn’t do it.
Xabi heard the bathroom door shut and the shower turn on, and sighed loudly. A
mental picture of Steven jacking off in the shower filled his mind. He sneered,
forcing himself to think about something else. The last thing he needed was a
hard on, now. Because he was pretty sure if Steven offered to touch him, he
wouldn’t be able to turn him down.
***** Chapter 10 *****
If Steven thought that his relationship with Xabi was fragile before Christmas,
then what it currently was was damn near impossible to keep from breaking. He
felt like if he so much as breathed wrong that it would crumble before his
eyes.
The kiss complicated things, made every movement have a hidden meaning. Every
frown could mean something, every roll of the eyes. Xabi was just as distant,
just as closed off and yet seemed more than likely to have the door to his
feelings kicked in, if Steven could just find out the right way to do it.
They started hanging out with Xabi’s friends again, but Steven made it known
that he didn’t want to fuck, didn’t want anything from them except to hang out.
They were fine with it, of course, since it had only been sex. Only. Steven
laughed to himself, thinking that for the longest time. It hadn’t crossed his
mind until Xabi that it didn’t mean that to everyone.
He knew, to some extent, what Xabi wanted. Not to have to share Steven. It
scared Steven, because he was almost positive that he wanted the same thing.
Remembering Xabi with Aitor made his blood run cold.
Their team was invited to play a match in Biscay, and even thought it was only
an hour or so away, they were going to be spending the night in a hotel. They
were given room assignments, but everyone switched to be able to share a room
with whoever they wanted. No one spoke up when Xabi and Steven ended up
together. Mikel rolled his eyes, though.
“You would think you would be sick of each other.” He mumbled. Xabi stuck his
tongue out at his brother. Steven was excited. Even though they spent every
night together, this was different. It felt different, new. The match was in
the morning and they got to spend the evening roaming around, as long as they
were in their rooms by ten.
“Ten? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Mikel scoffed. Xabi shrugged.
“I mean, the match is early.”
“We can’t even do anything, it is already eight thirty.” Xabi shoved his hands
in his pockets and shivered, it was cold for February and he hadn’t planned on
being outside long. His coat wasn’t exactly made for the cold weather.
“I want something warm, like coffee.” Xabi mumbled as he popped his collar to
block the wind. Steven could use some tea, so when they passed by a coffee shop
they went in, just the two of them.
They sat on a couch in the back of the quaint coffee shop, people around them
minding their own business, chatting with friends. Xabi took his jacket off,
making himself comfortable. They had a little over an hour before they had to
be in their room, so there was no rush. Steven had his eyes closed as he sipped
his tea.
“Oh, fuck, this tastes amazing.” He whispered in English, smiling. Xabi
laughed. It had been a busy month, and besides sleeping, this was one of the
first times alone he had with just Steven. School had kept them both busy with
papers and exams, let alone football practice. He had to enjoy this snippet in
time as much as he could. There was no Ander, no Markel, no Mikel, and no
Aitor. Just them, and Xabi couldn’t help but let his mind wander.
“What are you thinking about?” Steven asked over his tea. Xabi looked towards
him, confusion played across his face. Steven chuckled.
“You looked like you were thinking really, really hard. Your face sort of
smushed, your eyebrows came down... wish I snapped a picture,” he said,
laughing. Xabi punched him in the arm, his cheeks reddening. He hadn’t realized
his daydream had been so obvious.
“Shut up, it was nothing. Thinking about the match,” he supplied. Steven side
eyed him with an eyebrow raised.
“Whatever you say...” He trailed off, taking a sip of his tea. “Wonder if we
can find a movie on the tv in the hotel room.”
“Yeah, what are we supposed to do with a ten o’clock curfew?” Xabi asked,
gnawing on his bottom lip. His mind wandered to what he wanted to do, and by
the look in Steven’s eye he had the same idea. Maybe he should cross that line?
The point of no return. Was it worth it, what they had now? Tip toeing around
each other, around how they felt. What harm would there be in it, really?
Xabi couldn’t think of a reason.
“I’m sure we’ll think of something.” Steven said, smirking. Xabi looked away
from him, down at his coffee, clearing his throat. Steven had a leg tucked up
on the couch, touching Xabi’s . Slowly, Xabi raked his eyes over Steven’s legs,
his torso, finally landing on his face. “I’m ready to head out when you are.”
Steven said plainly, not reacting to how Xabi was looking at him . Slightly
disheartened, Xabi nodded, standing to put his jacket back on.. Xabi tossed out
his empty coffee cup, Steven following his lead as they walked out of the shop.
They were mostly silent on the walk back to the hotel, Xabi mostly because he
was lost in his own thoughts. He walked a little ahead of Steven, ready with
his key card out to unlock the door to their room. They had left one of the
bedside lights on, their things tossed onto one of the full sized beds. Barely
inside the door, Xabi was slammed against the wall by Steven, one hand on the
wall just above Xabi’s head, the other on his stomach. Xabi’s breath caught in
his throat as he looked at Steven’s lips, his face close, mouth almost
hovering.
“Is this what you had in mind?” Steven asked, a leg scooting between Xabi’s.
Xabi licked his lips and leaned forward, capturing Steven’s mouth with his.
Steven leaned into him, his hand sliding to Xabi’s side. Xabi reached up, his
fingers raking through Steven’s hair as they deepened the kiss, sending a
shiver down his back. Steven was kissing him, just as he wanted him to, he
didn’t want him to stop, ever. Blood rushed south, his stomach tightened as
Steven broke the kiss, his mouth trailing down Xabi’s neck as he yanked at
Xabi’s jacket, forcing it down his arms. Xabi grunted, discarding it to the
floor. Steven took his own off, starting a pile, then his mouth was back on
Xabi’s, his hands cupping his face as he pinned him against the wall again.
Short, desperate kisses turned into long, messy ones as Xabi pushed off from
the wall, urging them towards the bed.
They broke apart as Xabi sat on the bed, looking up at Steven. If he wanted to
stop, now was the time. Steven stood there, looking down at him and all he
could think about was how many times they slept in the same bed in just their
briefs, how many times they had seen each other naked but right now, he felt
bare.
“Jesus.” Xabi whispered. Steven lifted an eyebrow, his tongue peeking out
between his lips.
“What do you want, Xabi?” Steven asked. Xabi’s heart was beating so fast he
could barely hear Steven over the thumping in his ears.
“This.” Xabi urged, his fingers digging into the mattress at either side of
him. He couldn’t move, glued to the spot. “What do you... want?” Xabi asked.
“You,” he whispered. Xabi released the breath he hadn’t known he was holding.
Steven leaned forward, pushing Xabi onto his back as he crawled on top of him,
capturing his lips again. Xabi moaned as Steven raked his fingers through
Xabi’s hair, deepening the kiss immediately, his tongue probing, darting into
Xabi’s mouth. Xabi went on autopilot, unable to think. His hands tugged at
Steven’s shirt, pulling it over his head. Their lips crashed back together as
soon as the article of clothing was discarded, Xabi gripping Steven’s ass,
pulling him down harder on top of him.
Hands roaming, they continued kissing, Steven spreading Xabi’s legs with his
knees as his hands worked at Xabi’s jeans. When the kiss broke, Xabi was
already panting. Steven’s fingers played with the elastic band of Xabi’s
briefs, his fingers slipping beneath the fabric.
“I think that-” Steven stopped, his head looking towards the door where there
was a knock. He looked down at Xabi, his hand retracting. Xabi groaned, his
hands covering his face. He was half hard and fuck it if they were doing
legitimate check-ins on everyone. Steven stood, grabbing his shirt and putting
it back on. He cleared his throat before he opened the door for a chaperon.
“Doing a body count, since you all switched rooms.” He said with a smile.
Steven gave him one back, opening the door enough so that they could see Xabi.
“That’s all, see you in the morning and don’t leave this room.” He said,
shutting the door. Steven shut his eyes, his hand on the door, his head hanging
forward. He smiled when he felt Xabi’s arms around his waist, Xabi’s chin on
his shoulder, expectantly.
“Second thoughts?” Xabi asked. Steven shook his head, but didn’t move.
“Just trying not to think with my dick.” Steven said, turning his body and
enveloping Xabi in his arms.
“Stop it, then.” Xabi urged. Steven cupped Xabi’s face in his hands and kissed
him.
“You know what I want?” Steven asked as they made their way back to the bed.
Xabi shook his head as they tumbled onto the mattress, Steven once more landing
on top of him. His knees immediately spread Xabi’s, the palm of his hand ran
across Xabi’s stomach. “I want to mark you.” Xabi bit his lip to keep from
moaning.
“What is stopping you?” Xabi asked as Steven’s hand slipped beneath his briefs
once more, this time cupping him. Xabi moaned, closing his eyes as Steven
stroked his hardening erection.
“The fact that you’re going to get naked in front of everyone tomorrow in the
locker room.” Xabi’s mouth fell open in a silent moan as Steven kissed his ear
lobe, nipping at it. Suddenly, Steven was tugging on Xabi’s jeans, forcing them
down his thighs. Xabi helped Steven rid him of his jeans and shirt. His heart
was beating out of his chest, unable to believe that Steven’s hands were really
on him. Steven palmed Xabi through the fabric of his briefs, pushing the bottom
edge of one side up, then licked. Xabi whimpered as he did it again, as Steven
mouthed over his erection, sucking at the fabric. Xabi ran his fingers through
Steven’s hair, his chest heaving. Steven pulled down Xabi’s boxers, finally
taking him into his mouth. An explosion ignited in Xabi’s mind as Steven’s
tongue licked up his shaft. No one had made him feel like this, no one. His
back arched as Steven sucked and lapped at him, one hand cupping his balls as
the other lay against his stomach, his fingers spread. He wanted more, needed
more.
“Take your fucking clothes off.” Xabi demanded, forcing Steven off of his cock
by gently pulling on his hair. Steven had a grin plastered across his face as
he backed off of him, his shirt falling to the floor easily, his jeans and
boxer briefs followed.
Their lips crashed together as Xabi managed to roll Steven onto his back,
pinning him to the bed. Smirking to himself, Xabi held Steven’s hands above his
head for a moment, just looking down at him. This felt so easy, like they fit
together perfectly. So much wasted time-
“Stop thinking.” Steven said, his legs wrapping around Xabi’s, right beneath
his ass. Xabi released Steven’s hands so that he could run his fingers down his
chest, his stomach, until he wrapped his fingers around Steven’s cock. Steven
moaned, once more cupping Xabi’s face with his hands, bringing their lips
together again. Xabi jacked Steven off, then added his own cock. He held both
of them in his hand, moving his hips against Steven. Steven’s hand wrapped
around them as well, as he too fucked up into their fists. The kiss broke and
Xabi buried his face in the crook of Steven’s shoulder and neck, breathing him
in. His own scent was mixed with Steven’s, along with sweat and the smell of
sex, their sex. Xabi came, hard. He spilled onto Steven’s chest, making a mess
as they both kept moving. Once Xabi was spent completely, he moved down
Steven’s body, taking him into his mouth.
Steven hissed, he was so close to coming but the feel of Xabi’s mouth around
him felt so good he didn’t want it to end so soon. He wrapped his thumb and
index finger around the base of his cock, around his balls. He needed to hold
on. Xabi licked his head, shallowly sucked on him before taking him down as far
as he could. Steven gasped, rolling his hips, wanting to feel himself down
Xabi’s throat. He released his grip on his cock and let himself go, spilling
down Xabi’s throat.
“Jesus Christ.” He rang out as Xabi took all of him, wiping his mouth as he
crawled up and wrapped his arms around Steven’s shoulders, his lips pressing
against Steven’s hair. Steven’s hands rest against Xabi’s arms as he caught his
breath. Xabi hummed, contented. “I’m going to need a shower.”
“You’re not moving.” Xabi stated, wrapping a leg around Steven’s. Steven
laughed, shaking his head.
“I didn’t mean right this second.” Xabi thought for a moment, if what they just
did, which wasn’t even fucking, meant anything to Steven at all. Or if it was
just like it was with- “I can hear you thinking,” Steven whispered. “Your
breathing goes all stilted like you are trying not to hyperventilate.”
Xabi’s brow furrowed, “Hyper...vent...ilate?” Sometimes he didn’t understand
words that Steven used in English.
Steven laughed breathlessly and kissed him chastely, “Panic?”
“I do not do that.” Xabi mumbled, biting his lip. Steven shrugged, turning his
head to look at Xabi.
“You sort of do. Like you are shoving back your feelings into whatever closet
you lock them in.” Xabi tried to hide the scowl that was creeping in. What the
fuck? “Like that.” Steven laughed. “You just did it.” Xabi scoffed, pushing
Steven a little. Steven ran his fingers through Xabi’s hair gently, smiling. “I
only noticed because I care.” Xabi’s heart leapt.
“You... care?” Steven rolled his eyes at Xabi.
“Of course.” Xabi kissed him, because for now, that was all he needed to hear.
***** Chapter 11 *****
Sometimes time seemingly passes differently than others. It could feel as if a
day lasts a week, or minutes feel like hours. Or it could feel like the
opposite, where days turn into weeks and time disappears without a trace. Time
shifts seamlessly, passing whether people want it to or not.
Tangled between the sheets with Steven, who was sleeping, Xabi thought about
how fast time flew by since they had gotten together. He watched the rise and
fall of Steven’s chest as his mind wandered, thinking about what March had
brought, about how he had never been this happy.
Happy because he had a boyfriend.
Xabi’s chest swelled as he bit back a smile. He had been dreading that
conversation, thinking that Steven was opposed to labels. In fact, Steven had
been the one to bring it up in the first place, after a match of all times.
Sweaty, walking back to the showers after Xabi had scored the winning goal from
inside their own half. He was already beaming, high off of adrenaline from the
win before Steven’s hand rested on his back as they stayed back from the team.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” Steven started and Xabi’s stomach sank, his heart
beating fast from the match.
“What is it?” He asked, wiping sweat from his face, his hands on his hips,
fingers clenched around his kit. Steven looked away, laughing silently to
himself for a second. Xabi bit his lip, worried. “Out with it.”
“Was wondering if you wanted... if you thought going steady was something you
wanted-” Xabi grinned, wide.
“Are you trying to say you want to be my boyfriend?” He asked. Steven smirked,
nodding. “Yeah, I do.” Xabi said, his hand reaching out and trailing down
Steven’s arm in replacement of a kiss since they were surrounded by people.
Xabi swore he saw Steven blush, then.
That had been weeks ago, though, and now Xabi was curled up against his
boyfriend in their bed. No more friends with benefits, no more fuck buddies, no
more sharing Steven. Steven stirred beside Xabi, his hand pulling Xabi closer
to him by grabbing his ass.
“How long have you been up?” Steven mumbled, his eyes still closed. Xabi buried
his face between Steven’s neck and shoulder, his lips pressing against his
skin.
“I don’t know, at least fifteen minutes.” Xabi whispered, gasping as a finger
glided between his cheeks, teasing his hole. Xabi shut his eyes, thinking about
the first time they fucked.
Steven had been on his back, holding onto Xabi’s waist as Xabi fucked himself
on Steven’s cock. It had been a few days after they returned from Biscay, after
a party. Xabi’s legs were shaking from the strain as Steven fucked up into him.
He had a hand on Steven’s chest, and one around his own cock as he rolled his
hips, impaling himself on Steven.
As Steven slowed, Xabi leaned over, capturing his lips with Steven’s. Steven
rolled him onto his back, deepening the kiss as Xabi’s legs wrapped around
Steven, their movements erratic and not at all in sync, both in their own world
as skin met skin. Eventually they found a rhythm, their fingers intertwining.
Xabi brought Steven’s hand to his lips, his teeth raking across his knuckles as
he fucked him harder.
It wasn’t only memories that had Xabi coming to life between his legs, but the
fact that he could feel Steven’s hardening cock against his thigh. Xabi’s teeth
raked across Steven’s collarbone as his own hole was breached, his hips rolling
backwards to deepen Steven’s intrusion.
Steven hissed as he dragged a leg over one of Xabi’s, interlocking them as his
arm slipped underneath Xabi’s body as it pressed against the bed. Reaching
down, he grasped Xabi’s ass with one hand as his fingers fucked him with the
other. Xabi’s mouth was open against his skin in a silent moan. Slick from the
night before, Xabi’s ass took his fingers easily. They had fucked before
falling asleep, not showering afterwards.
It reminded Steven of last week, when Xabi woke him up with a blowjob. Coming
awake with Xabi’s mouth around his cock was a sight that Steven wished he could
see every morning and now, with his fingers stretching Xabi, he thought about
how hot Xabi was in everything he did.
Steven’s fingers ran through Xabi’s hair as he looked down at him, his lips
spread thin as he bobbed; he took Steven down as far as he could. Steven closed
his eyes and moaned as Xabi licked up his shaft, his tongue teasing his head as
he tugged on Steven’s balls.
“Jesus Christ, Xabi.” He hissed, thrusting his hips upwards, forcing his cock
down Xabi’s throat as his toes curled. Xabi pulled back, gasping for air as his
fingers wrapped around Steven’s cock, jacking him as he wiped his mouth of spit
that had connected his lips to Steven’s cock. Steven grunted, his hand on the
back of Xabi’s head urging him back down. “Don’t stop now.” He rasped. Xabi
laughed, licking his lips before his mouth enveloped Steven’s cock once more.”
How Mikel could let Xabi go, Steven had no idea, but he was glad he did. The
look on Xabi’s face alone as they fucked was enough for Steven to not want to
be with anyone else. In his mind, Steven knew as soon as he had pinned Xabi
against the wall in the hotel room that there was no turning back, that Xabi
was his and he was Xabi’s, that there would be no one else so long as Xabi
wanted him.
Their needs were satiated, whether it be jacking each other off in the shower
before school, or Steven fucking Xabi into their mattress as Xabi bit a pillow
to keep from moaning and waking the whole house, they were all that the other
needed.
Washing each other off had started innocently enough, but both of them knew as
soon as the shampoo that Xabi had massaged into Steven’s scalp and the suds
that Steven produced from running soap over Xabi’s body was washed away that
they were doomed. Cocks hard, their mouths met under the spray of the shower.
Half washed and more than a little hard, their hands worked each other into a
frenzy, wrapped around each other, stroking and panting against each other’s
skin.
“Where’d you throw the condoms?” Steven asked Xabi, who was moving against
Steven’s fingers as if he was being fucked, panting against Steven’s shoulder.
Steven’s cock was hard between his legs, his balls heavy with need. He needed
to fuck Xabi. Loss of contact as Xabi pulled away from him made Steven moan,
his fingers retracting as Xabi rolled off of the bed. Steven wrapped around his
straining erection as he watched Xabi walk into the bathroom, searching for a
condom.
When he walked back into the room, a condom between his teeth, Steven smirked.
Xabi’s cock was hard, standing straight up against his stomach, bouncing as he
walked. When he returned to Steven, he straddled him, taking the condom out of
his mouth and kissing Steven. Xabi raked his fingers through Steven’s hair as
he deepened the kiss, rolling his hips against Steven’s, their cocks rubbing
against each others. Xabi ripped open the condom and slid it onto Steven,
jacking him one, twice while he looked at Steven, his lips parted.
“Make me come, Stevie.” He rasped. Steven sat up, kissing Xabi as he moved him
how he wanted him, on his side, one knee bent and pushed out of the way in
front of him. Steven slid into him, his arms hooking up from underneath Xabi’s
armpits, holding onto his shoulders. The pace and depth was intense as he
filled Xabi completely. Xabi reached down, gripping onto Steven’s thigh as he
fucked into him. Xabi’s back arched away from Steven as he moved against him,
Steven’s mouth on Xabi’s shoulder. Steven’s mind flashed to the first time he
had his mouth on Xabi, his hands spreading him wide.
Xabi’s cheek was pressed against the bed, his knees spread apart while one hand
cupped his balls and the other stroked himself off while Steven worked Xabi
open with his mouth. Xabi couldn’t hold back gasps and moans as Steven’s tongue
darted in and out, tasting him, opening him up. A hand snaked up Xabi’s spine,
then back down it, cupping Xabi’s cheeks and spreading them even more. Xabi
shuddered beneath Steven, trying to muffle his noises. Steven plunged his
tongue in as far as he could, eating Xabi out eagerly, wanting to hear him
stifle his moans. Pure, blissful torture was what he was inflicting on Xabi and
he didn’t want to stop.
“Stevie,” Xabi said between moans, “I want to see you.” Steven grunted, his
balls tightening at those words. He could have come from them, then, but he
pulled out, his thumb and index finger clasping around his base, stopping
himself. Xabi turned onto his back as Steven knelt, watching him situate
himself. Steven slid between Xabi’s legs, holding himself up by his elbows as
he reentered Xabi. Xabi’s hands gripped Steven’s ass as their lips crashed
together, as Steven thrust into him once more.
”You feel so fucking good.” Steven whispered into Xabi’s ear as he fucked him
into the mattress. Xabi was on his stomach, Steven’s hand holding Xabi down by
his shoulder. Xabi’s ass was in the air, perfect for Steven to plunge into,
hard, fast. They had the house to themselves, a rare moment to come by, and
were making use of it by fucking loud and hard. “I like to hear you scream.”
Steven added, his fingers raking down Xabi’s back as he straightened his back.
Xabi groaned, his hands gripping tightly to the sheets that surrounded him. “Do
you like when I fuck you?” He asked. Xabi nodded, his voice shot and cracked
from the strain.
“Yes,” He gasped. “Fuck me harder.”
Steven pressed his thumb against Xabi’s lips as he fucked him, moaning as he
watched Xabi take his thumb into his mouth and suck on it. Steven dragged his
thumb down, catching it on Xabi’s bottom lip. Xabi’s back arched beneath him,
moving with him as he thrust in and out. Xabi keened, his chest heaving as
Steven leaned down and nipped at his neck, his shoulder.
Steven came in a rush, not stilling for a moment as he rode out his climax.
Xabi looked up at him, eyelids heavy with lust, pupils blown, and smiled as he
brought a hand up to cover his face. He was panting, sweating from exertion.
Steven pulled out of him, disposing of the condom in the trash bin by the bed.
Steven didn’t stop for a minute though, his head sinking between Xabi’s legs,
mouth enveloping his cock. Xabi bit his bottom lip, holding back a moan as
Steven worked him up to his own climax. Xabi ran his fingers through Steven’s
hair, his eyes closing as he remembered the first time Steven blew him.
Steven was relentless, his tongue and mouth licked and sucked Xabi into a pile
of goo that could only utter nonsensical noises as he lay sprawled out on the
floor of their room. Steven had him squirming, his toes curling within minutes.
It was as if every lick had Xabi shivering, as if he could come at any moment.
Steven pressed a finger against Xabi’s opening, pushing him closer to his
climax. Xabi panicked, gasping as he tried to yank Steven back, keep himself
from spilling down Steven’s throat. Steven looked up at him, then forced
himself down harder. Xabi came with a shudder, his fingers still in Steven’s
hair. Once Steven swallowed all of him he sat up on his haunches, looking down
on Xabi.
“Don’t ever think I don’t want all of you.” He said, serious.
Xabi whimpered, licking his lips as he watched Steven blow him, his lips thin
and red.
“Stevie I’m going to-” Xabi gasped in a warning as he came. He felt Steven
still, felt him lick up his shaft as he swallowed him. Xabi closed his eyes,
catching his breath as Steven’s hands ghosted up his body. Steven’s arms were
around him within seconds, his head against Xabi’s shoulder.
“Good morning.” Steven mused, sighing deeply. Xabi grinned sleepily.
“Why school?” Xabi asked, skipping verbs. He was exhausted. Steven chuckled
beside him as their alarm went off.
“Perfect timing.” Steven whispered.
“I have two exams.” Xabi said, pouting. He didn’t want to go to school, he
wanted to stay in bed with Steven clinging to him.
“I’ve got to give an oral-” Xabi side eyed Steven, “presentation... Don’t look
at me like that.” Xabi laughed. “I have to speak in front of class, I’m
worried.”
“You have nothing to be worried about.” Xabi said as he got up out of bed. He
needed to shower before class. “Don’t follow me in or we’ll never make it in
time.”
“Be quick, then, I need to shower too.” Steven said, not moving from the bed.
***** Chapter 12 *****
It was inevitable, now that Xabi thought back on it.
But he thought, for a good two and a half months, that it wouldn’t happen. Two
tear stained faces and a shouting match later, and they were separated.
No, not broken up, separated. His parents walked in on he and Steven and that
was it. He was no longer allowed in Steven’s room, his things returned
immediately to Mikel’s and Steven was, under no circumstances at all, allowed
in he and Mikel’s room. They didn’t even react to the fact that their teenage
son was found in bed with another boy, at least not to his face.
Xabi was grounded until further notice, had to come straight home from school
except for football. His phone was taken away and he couldn’t do anything about
it. Dinners became quiet, strained. He refused to talk to them and if he so
much as looked at Steven he was sent upstairs.
He called them dictators, screamed that they were fascists and tyrants.
Steven, on the other hand, seemed even madder than Xabi was about the whole
situation. He asked Xabi if he should move out, get a hold of the program that
sent him over and request another host family. Xabi told him no, that he didn’t
want to be separated from him, but Steven only shook his head and said that
they had been already.
They spent their lunches together, sitting on the grass beside the school,
alone. It was the only time they had alone, really. Football practice and
matches were all that Xabi had left, and even then, his parents miraculously
started coming to all of his matches. He couldn’t even hug Steven when he
scored for fear of his parents’ wrath.
One night, while Mikel was out with friends, Xabi used his computer to Skype
with Steven, with only a wall separating them. He had his head phones on so
that his parents wouldn’t walk in and disrupt him. It was the first long
conversation that he had had with Steven in weeks, besides lunch.
They’d only had sex once since they were caught, at school. They had both
skipped a class, fucking under the bleachers. It had been rushed, nothing like
how they liked it to be. They had spent the rest of the period kissing. Somehow
that had been more important, meant more to them than fucking. Xabi missed that
the most, kissing Steven.
“Do you need another book?” Steven asked. Xabi shook his head.
“Not yet, I’m on Confessor still.” Xabi whispered. Steven was in boxers and a
t-shirt and Xabi wished he could be sitting next to him. Holding hands casually
at lunch was not enough contact, not by a long shot.
“Alright, just let me know.” Steven mumbled in response. It made Xabi’s heart
hurt, hearing how sad Steven sounded all the time, like he caused this. He
hadn’t, Xabi’s parents had.
“You should go out, go to Ander’s or Markel’s.” Xabi whispered, biting his lip.
Steven scoffed, shaking his head.
“Fuck no.”
“You can’t stay in just because I have to.” Xabi said. He already felt bad
enough as it was. “Maybe we should-”
“If you even mention me seeing other people because you don’t think I can keep
my dick to myself-” Xabi bit his lip, his shoulders slumped. It was a stupid
thought, not after... well. Not after Steven told him he loved him.
It had been the other day, during a match. Xabi had scored from seventy yards
and the entire team toppled him. Steven, of course, had been the first to
arrive. Steven had kissed his ear and whispered it before rolling off of him.
Xabi had looked to the stands afterwards, his heart beating in his ears. His
parents were clapping for him, taken up in the moment, forgetting for a minute
that they were punishing their son because he liked a boy, loved a boy. He
wanted to leave his house. He wanted to kiss Steven in front of everyone and
tell him that he loved him. He wanted to tackle Steven to the ground and run
his fingers through his hair. Xabi wanted to give them the finger.
But he didn’t. Instead he tackled someone on the other team and got a yellow.
Ten minutes later, without thinking about it, he did it again.
Three match ban.
He took away the only thing he had been looking forward to. He had done it to
himself. Xabi frowned, thinking about how upset he had been about it.
It was the weekend and Steven hadn’t been able to hug him until the day before.
He had spent the entire weekend in bed, alone. Thinking about his life made him
tear up.
It was a fucking joke. No life, a prisoner. No football, no Steven. At least
Mikel had been staying out later, longer. He was hardly ever home and for that
Xabi was grateful.
“Stop thinking about the ban, Xabi.” Steven whispered. Xabi shut his eyes,
fighting back tears that threatened to fall. He wanted Steven to wrap his arms
around him, kiss his forehead.
“I can’t,” Xabi said truthfully.
“I wish I could help you.” Steven said, his voice once more making Xabi feel
even worse. Just looking at him hurt.
“You can’t.” Xabi said, indignant. They couldn’t do a thing about it. Just
then, Mikel burst into the room. Xabi jumped, pulling his headphones out of his
ears and shutting the computer.
“Of course you’re in here.” Mikel said, sighing deeply. Xabi glared at him.
“You would think, since our parents are asleep, that you would get the fuck
out.”
“Oh? So you could run to them and tell them I’d gone out?” Xabi sneered. He
wanted to punch Mikel, his brother, for doing nothing, for not giving a shit.
Mikel raised and eyebrow.
“No I wouldn’t.”
“Yes you would. The second I left you would go tell them I wasn’t in the
house.” Xabi exclaimed, loudly. Steven opened the door to his room, Xabi
shivered with anticipation for Steven to appear in the doorway. Mikel turned
too, rolling his eyes.
“Steven, for the love of god, take Xabi and go somewhere.” Steven looked to
Xabi confused.
“What?” Steven asked. Xabi licked his lips, his body was at full attention,
senses heightened because of the mere fact that Steven was in boxers.
“Parents are in bed, now’s your chance to go out.” Mikel supplied. Steven
looked to Xabi, grinning.
“I’m changing.” He said, leaving Xabi with his brother.
“And I’m supposed to trust you?” Xabi asked, disgusted. “You-”
“I never once told them, anything.” Mikel whispered. “And I never was going
to.” Xabi looked at his hands. His brother was a fucking asshole, but right. He
never told. Because he knew what the outcome would be.
“I didn’t think you cared.”
“I don’t care where you stick your dick, or whatever. I was mad about the team,
that’s all.” Xabi took a step forward and hugged his brother.
“Thank you.” He said as Mikel pushed him off of him and cleared his throat.
“Get the fuck out of this house, drink a red bull before school. I’ll cover for
you.” Xabi gathered his books for school, stuffing them into his bookbag then
went into Steven’s room, their room.
“What are you doing?” Steven hissed, his hand on Xabi’s arm, getting ready to
push him out.
“Get your shit for school, we’re staying out all night.” Xabi whispered. Steven
raised his eyebrows, but nodded. Xabi reached a hand out to touch Steven’s
face, kissing him.
The kiss was hands down the best kiss in Xabi’s existence. Steven’s arms
enveloped him, clinging tight as it deepened. Xabi didn’t want it to end, but
Mikel cleared his throat in the doorway.
“Don’t make me regret this.” He said, his arms crossed. Xabi and Steven stepped
away from each other, smiling as they did so. Steven slung his bookbag over his
shoulder and took Xabi’s hand, leading him down the stairs.
Before they knew it, they were out of the house. It was a nice night out, clear
and a little windy. Xabi was thankful that it wasn’t raining. For some reason
when he thought of the month of April it always brought to mind rain.
Xabi couldn’t believe he was out of the house, with Steven.
“Where do you want to go?” Steven asked. Xabi thought for a second and before
they were barely off the property, Xabi ran back into the house and grabbed a
blanket. “What is that for?” Steven asked. Xabi grinned.
“The beach.”
The beach wasn’t far, not really. They walked, it only took them about thirty
minutes but that was only because they kept stopping to kiss, walking most of
the way slowly because Xabi’s arm was around Steven’s waist, his head on his
shoulder.
Weeks without being alone with his boyfriend was driving him mad and suddenly
they had the entire night to spend together, under the stars. The moon was
waxing, but bright. They spread the blanket out on the sand, well out of the
way of the tide.
Xabi couldn’t have his arms around Steven fast enough once they were laying
down. The beach was deserted, peaceful with the sound of the waves crashing.
Xabi loved the sound of the ocean, loved the feel of Steven’s hand against his
skin.
Their clothes became their pillows as they kissed, legs tangled. They took
their time, hands roaming each other’s bodies. Steven surprised Xabi by digging
lube and condoms out of his bag. Xabi laughed, cupping Steven’s face in his
hands as he kissed him with a smile on his face.
He couldn’t remember ever being so happy.
Eventually, after kissing for what felt like eternity, their hands wrapped
around each other’s erections, jacking each other off slowly, Xabi ended up on
his hands and knees, his legs spread. Steven’s mouth was on his hole, teasing
him as he stroked Xabi’s cock simultaneously.
Xabi moaned loudly, not holding back at all as Steven took his time slowly
fucking him with his tongue. The sound of the waves crashing drowned out Xabi
as Steven pressed in a finger, slicked with lube. Xabi shuddered at the feeling
of Steven filling him one finger at a time, stretching him.
“Please fuck me.” Xabi gasped, needing to feel closer to Steven. Steven
complied, retracting his fingers and rolling on the condom. Holding onto Xabi’s
hips, Steven breached him. Xabi bit his lip, groaning. Steven’s hand slid up
Xabi’s spine, then back down again as he thrust in and out. Xabi reached
between his own legs, jacking himself off as Steven fucked him. It surprised
him when Steven pulled away, and disposed of the condom. “What are you?-” Xabi
started to ask when Steven kissed him, rolling him onto his back.
“I want to taste you.” Steven whispered, kissing Xabi again, then turned his
body so that he was straddling Xabi, but backwards. Steven’s knees were on
either side of Xabi’s head, his hands on Xabi’s thighs, his mouth licking up
his shaft. Xabi moaned as Steven took him into his mouth. Xabi reached up and
hooked an arm around Steven’s waist, the other guided Steven’s cock into his
mouth. Steven’s hips rolled, forcing himself down Xabi’s throat. Xabi stilled,
choking. He caught his breath by jacking him off once, twice, before taking him
back into his mouth again. Xabi arched his back when he felt Steven’s fingers
press against his used hole as he blew him.
Steven came down Xabi’s throat seconds before Xabi spilled into Steven’s
willing mouth. They lay there, gasping for air, Steven’s hands on Xabi’s thighs
and Xabi’s on Steven’s. Steven moved, turning around so that he could
intertwine his fingers with Xabi’s, rest his head on their makeshift pillows.
They laid there, staring up at the stars in silence for a while before Steven
shifted, grabbing his boxers and jeans.
“It’s cold.” Steven whispered when Xabi looked confused. They got dressed, then
used their backpacks as slightly more uncomfortable pillows.
“Can we do this every night?” Xabi asked, laughing a little. Steven sighed,
kissing Xabi’s forehead as they curled against each other.
“Maybe if I moved to another family-”
“No.”
“Xabi if you would just-” Xabi sat up, jaw clenched.
“I would still be grounded, Steven. I would still be trapped in there. It
wouldn’t solve anything.”
“You can’t know that.” Steven whispered, his fingers sliding up and down Xabi’s
arm. Xabi looked up at the sky and sighed. “You’d at least have your room
back.” He added. Xabi looked down at him and frowned.
“And be in there, alone? Without you? What would be the point of that?” Xabi
slid down, curling up next to Steven once more, his hand resting on Steven’s
stomach, his head on Steven’s shoulder. “Maybe Mikel could cover for us again.”
He mumbled. Steven nodded.
“Maybe.”
***** Chapter 13 *****
Steven moved in May.
He had called the agency that had set him up with the Alonso’s and requested
permission to be moved to another host family. He hadn’t told Xabi he had done
it until it was approved. He told the entire Alonso family one night after
dinner, after helping Xabi do the dishes. Before he told the family of his
decision he had whispered that he loved Xabi, his hand on his wrist as he
looked him in the eye. Xabi shook his head, but nothing could be done, it was
too late.
Steven asked if he could say something around the table and Periko summoned
Xabi to sit. Steven watched Xabi dry his hands and sit without a word.
“I’ve requested to be housed with another family.” Steven said, looking at Xabi
and not Periko and Domeca. “Xabi doesn’t deserve the punishment you’ve given
him and I cannot stand how he is being treated.” Steven’s gaze shifted to
Xabi’s parents. “I’m leaving in the morning.” Periko and Domeca exchanged
glances.
“Very well. But as far as Xabi is concerned, we are only protecting him.”
Periko explained. Xabi scoffed, which made Periko glare at his middle son.
Mikel remained silent and Jon was sitting his mouth hanging open. “Xabier, you
are still grounded.” His father said, his tone serious. Steven bristled.
“If you think you moving out would change anything, you were mistaken.” Domeca
whispered. Xabi was looking at his hands which were in his lap. “If anything,
you helped our family go back to normal.” Xabi’s eyes shot up to his mother,
his jaw clenched.
“Normal? You think ignoring the fact that you have a gay son is normal?” He
said, his voice rising. Steven took a step forward towards Xabi but Periko
stood, his body hovering over the table.
“You touch my son and you are leaving tonight.” Steven raised his eyebrows at
them, then looked to Xabi. Xabi nodded, his lips parted slightly. Steven took a
step forward, hand cupping Xabi’s face as they kissed. Periko pulled Xabi back
almost immediately, raising a hand towards Steven but Mikel stepped between
them. Xabi yanked his arm from his father’s grip and stood beside Steven,
taking his hand.
They stood there in silence for several moments.
“Come on, Stevie, I’ll help you pack your bag.” Xabi said, his voice shaking.
Not breaking eye contact with Periko until Steven was on the stairs, he ran up
them with Xabi and walked into their room, and locked it. Xabi leaned against
the door as Steven grabbed his suitcase, stuffing the rest of his things in it.
He was already mostly packed, knowing he was going to be getting word about
moving. “You’re leaving me here with them.” Xabi whispered. Steven stopped
grabbing his things and looked at Xabi.
“Come with me.” Steven said, his lips pressing against Xabi’s. “Just for
tonight, or the entire weekend.” It was a Friday night, surely Xabi could couch
surf. “Let’s go to Ander’s, he’s got that basement-”
“Alright.” Xabi whispered, opening the door and walking into Mikel’s room.
Xabi was surprised to see Mikel there, with a bag, stuffing it with Xabi’s
things. A few pairs of clothes and his computer.
“What are you doing?”
“I assumed you are getting the fuck out.” Mikel said, shoving the bag at Xabi.
“Don’t resurface until Monday, yeah? That will scare the shit out of them.”
Xabi nodded.
“Alright.” Xabi said, his voice sounding hollow. He took his bag and backpack
and met Steven in the hallway. When they got downstairs, Domeca was there,
tears in her eyes. Periko was no where to be seen.
“Xabi you have to stay.” She said, sounding upset. Xabi glared at her, his head
shaking.
“If you can’t see why I have to go then you are blind.” He sneered. They walked
out the front door to find Periko at the end of the driveway. He grabbed a hold
of Xabi, stilling him.
“You are grounded, you can’t leave.” Xabi tried to yank his arm away but Periko
wouldn’t budge.
“Fuck off.” Xabi said in English, spitting on the ground at his father’s feet.
Periko let go of him. Xabi didn’t say another word as they made their way down
the street. Steven got out his phone, dialing Ander’s number, asking him if
they could crash at his. Steven stayed silent as Ander asked. Xabi bit his lip,
hoping that they said yes. Steven sighed as he hung up.
“He said yes.” Xabi nodded, solemn. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it.”
Steven whispered.
“You told me about it, I just refused to listen.”
“You were right though, it didn’t change anything.”
“I don’t care, I have friends. I can crash at theirs, maybe.” Xabi shrugged.
“Mikel will bring me clothes.” Steven gnawed on his bottom lip.
“I doubt the family I am moving in with will be okay with housing you, but I am
sure they won’t care if you hang out constantly.” Steven smiled. “I actually
told the agency my situation, about me being gay. I told them my concerns...
and there is this gay couple who are looking to adopt, who have hosted before.”
Xabi’s eyes widened.
“You’re going to be staying with a gay couple?” Xabi asked. Steven nodded.
“So I don’t think they will mind if you stay sometimes.”
Once at Ander’s, they explained the situation. Ander’s parents said that Xabi
could stay the weekend, but once Monday came around that he should go home.
Xabi nodded, but he had no intention of doing so.
Xabi went with Steven to meet his new host family. They had a small two bedroom
apartment, but they said they were looking for a bigger place. Their names were
Raul and Guti, and they recently moved to San Sebastian from Madrid. They
didn’t speak more than a few sentences in English but that would no longer be a
problem for Steven.
Raul and Guti had plans for an elaborate dinner for Steven, and invited Xabi to
stay as well.
“We insist.” Raul said, smiling as he set the table. Guti was in the kitchen,
preparing the meal. “Guti loves guests, and always cooks more than enough.”
“And we assume we will be seeing a lot of you!” Guti shouted from the kitchen.
Xabi couldn’t help but smile, his hand clasped around Steven’s.
“We’ll call you two when it is ready, why don’t you guys go set up Steven’s
room?” Raul suggested.
Xabi sat on the bed as he watched Steven unpack his things, filling drawer
space, hanging things up in the small closet.
“They seem nice,” Xabi whispered. Steven nodded.
“Good thing about you staying at Ander’s is you don’t have a curfew.” Steven
said, smiling. Xabi nodded, but looked down at his hands. Before Xabi knew it,
Steven was sitting on the bed beside him, his head resting on Xabi’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry I tore your family apart.”
“You didn’t do it, they did.” Xabi corrected, his voice full of disdain. “All
they had to do was acknowledge me as a human being, not something that could be
locked up. I am not a fucking animal.” There was a soft knock at the door, and
Raul appeared.
“Dinner is ready.” He said. If he heard what Xabi had said, he didn’t mention
it.
Guti invited Xabi over for breakfast in the morning, and to go to the movies
with them.
“Our treat, of course.” He said as he poured he and Raul each a glass of wine.
Xabi smiled and nodded. Steven couldn’t take his eyes off of Xabi throughout
the entire dinner while Raul and Guti asked him questions about England, about
everything.
Raul drove Xabi to Ander’s, Steven rode along so that he could kiss him good
night. Once in the car alone, Raul turned to Steven, his posture telling Steven
that he wasn’t sure how to phrase what he wanted to say.
“What I heard Xabi talking about, earlier, before dinner-”
“I was staying with his family,” Steven started, deciding to be completely open
with them. “We started seeing each other a few months ago, in February
actually, and in April they caught us-”
“Ah.” Raul said, nodding his head. “Continue, please.” Steven sighed deeply.
“They separated us immediately and grounded him. We couldn’t be alone in a room
together, or at matches since we both play football. I asked to move because I
thought it would be easier on him but when I told them I was leaving they
immediately said he would still be under lock and key.”
“So he is staying where?” Raul asked, his brow furrowed. Steven licked his lips
as he looked down at his hands.
“At a mutual friend’s for the weekend.”
“And once the weekend is over?”
“He said he could couch surf. We have friends that he can hopefully stay with.”
Raul didn’t say anything else on the ride home.
At school on Monday, they ate lunch like they always did, alone.
“Are you coming over after school?” Steven asked. Xabi nodded.
“If it’s alright.” He whispered, picking at the grass.
“Guti asked this morning.” To tell the truth, Guti had told Steven to make sure
his boyfriend came over again. They had a lot of fun at breakfast, and at the
movie. Xabi had gone to stay the night at Mikel Arteta’s, whose older brother
was away at University so they had a spare bedroom. Guti had asked, more than
once, if Xabi needed anything. Xabi shook his head and replied no every single
time he was asked.
“Mikel told me that my parents are worried about me.” Xabi whispered, looking
at Steven as if searching for something. “They told him to tell me they want me
home.”
“Do you want to go home?” Steven asked. He still couldn’t imagine stepping out
on his family, but he also couldn’t imagine them treating him like Xabi’s had
treated him. Xabi shrugged his shoulders.
“Maybe they’ll listen.”
“What if they don’t?” Steven asked, worry seeping into his voice. Xabi didn’t
say anything else for a long time, and Steven was perfectly alright to sit
there with him until the bell rang.
Xabi decided on Wednesday after dinner with Steven, Raul, and Guti that he
would go home. He wanted to know what would happen, if his parents would shut
the door in his face, or ground him all over again, or maybe... just maybe they
could treat him like a human being.
Raul drove him, which he appreciated. He had left his things at Mikel’s, in
case it didn’t go over well.
“Do you want me to come up to the door with you?” Raul asked. Xabi shook his
head.
“No, I need to do this alone.” Steven had stayed behind, as per Xabi’s request.
Xabi told Steven that if his parents saw Steven-
Well, then it would be over. There would be no going back. Xabi rang the door
bell, which felt odd to him. Jon answered the door, wide eyed.
“Xabi, what are you doing here?” He asked. Xabi gulped.
“I’m here to talk.” He said as the door widened and his mother appeared. She
stepped forward and hugged him.
“Xabier we have been so worried.” She said, her arms clinging to him. “Come
inside, please.” She urged him. Xabi noticed, though, that she craned her neck
to see if Steven had come as well.
“He’s not here.” Xabi mumbled.
“Are you finished then, acting out?” She asked. Xabi’s jaw clenched.
“Depends, am I still going to be locked up?” He said through gritted teeth.
“You ran away and you expect that we should just over look that?” His father’s
voice rang out from the living room. Xabi’s back stiffened when he came into
view. “The entire weekend, and half way through the week?”
“I went to school.” Xabi stated.
“We know, we’ve called.” Periko said, standing in front of Xabi. “Get up those
stairs right now.” He said, pointing towards the stairs. Xabi’s eyes narrowed.
“No.” Silence filled the room as Xabi stared at his father, neither moving.
Xabi broke the silence, “I refused to be punished for something when I was
treated like an animal by my family.”
“Under this roof you do what I say.”
“Then I don’t want to live under your roof.” Xabi stated plainly. “I’ll come
get my things later.” He said, turning towards the door. His mother stood in
front of him, blocking his way.
“Please, stay.”
“Then tell me I’m not grounded, and that you accept that I am gay.” He said,
his voice shaking.
“You’re grounded until further notice.” His father’s voice bellowed. Xabi
didn’t even turn to look at him, his eyes remaining on his mother’s.
“There’s my answer, I am leaving.” Xabi was fighting back tears, his mother
looked heart broken but she wasn’t standing up for him. She hadn’t even
accepted him. He walked around her and walked out the door. As soon as it shut,
the tears fell.
He had no family.
***** Chapter 14 *****
“If you two don’t get up soon, we won’t be going out to breakfast.”
Xabi blinked, waking up to see Guti standing by the bed that he and Steven were
curled up in. “Good, you’re up. Shower, separately, so we can go. We don’t want
to be late.”
Xabi reached his hand out, shaking Steven awake. Steven groaned beside him,
obviously not wanting to wake up. Xabi curled his body against Steven’s and
placed his mouth against Steven’s ear.
“They’re taking us to breakfast, Stevie.” Xabi whispered in English.
“If I get out of bed, that means I’m leaving.” Steven mumbled. Xabi bit his lip
and sighed. Steven graduated, his time in Spain was up. Xabi’s stomach
clenched. One last meal before send off.
“Come on.” Xabi said, climbing out of bed. “I’ll go shower in their-”
“No, together.” Steven said, sitting up in bed.
“No, separate.” Raul said from the doorway. He was leaning against the door
frame. “You two slept in, no time.” He said, a smirk on his face. Xabi stuck
his tongue out playfully as he walked past Raul to go to his room.
Within a week of Steven moving in with them, Xabi did as well. They moved into
a house a few weeks later, reminding Steven and Xabi that they had been
planning on doing it anyways. Raul and Guti had taken Xabi home, to his
parents, to tell them where he would be and to help him get all of his things.
Periko threatened to call the police but Xabi knew he wouldn’t.
“All you have to do is accept me.” Xabi stated. “But apparently that is
impossible.” His mother was crying, along with Jon. “I’ve got a cellphone now,
since you took mine away. And a job.” He looked at his father. “It’s at a
restaurant, Kokoxta.” Jon nodded, understanding. If he wanted to see Xabi he
could see him there. Xabi handed Jon his phone number as well.
They were able to get all of Xabi’s things in one trip, thankfully. Xabi hadn’t
stopped saying thank you to them, for allowing him to live with them. The only
rule was he had to have a job, to pay for his phone and anything he wanted for
himself. Room and board would be provided. With the football season ending in
May, it hadn’t been a problem. Xabi worked weekends and two nights a week, or
he had before school let out. He was waiting on his new schedule now that he
had his days open.
Xabi showered quickly, dressing just as fast. Somehow, though, Steven had
beaten him. Steven came into his room, smiling.
“Your room is still... so like you.” Steven said, leaning against the door
frame with his arms crossed.
“It’s the posters.” Xabi whispered as he bent over to tie his shoes. He had the
late shift at the restaurant so that he could see Steven off.
“I’m going to miss you.” Steven said, frowning. Xabi didn’t respond, but
instead he kissed him lightly on the lips, his hand on Steven’s chest, pushing
him out of the way so they could go downstairs, leave. Steven’s suitcase was
packed and in the car already.
“I don’t understand why you two look so sad.” Guti mused, “It isn’t as though
you are breaking up.”
Steven and Xabi exchanged glances.
“You know while you are gone he is going to be sleeping in your room, right?”
Raul said, smiling. Xabi shot Raul a glare. “Don’t look at me like that, you
are and you know it.”
“If he wants to sleep in my room, that’s fine.” Steven said, looking at Xabi as
they got into the car.
Steven smiled to himself as he buckled his seat belt. Xabi had avoided almost
every conversation about Steven leaving to go home for a few weeks. It wasn’t
even that long, really, and he hadn’t seen his family since Christmas. His
decision to spend his gap year in Spain had come as a shock to his family, to
Jamie, but after the fiasco with Xabi’s family, his parents knew how happy he
was now. He was to stay in England for a few weeks but he had some interviews
with different places lined up when he returned to Spain.
At breakfast, Raul and Guti talked about Xabi helping them paint the living
room and their room. Xabi nodded, saying he would. Steven knew what they were
doing, wanting to keep Xabi busy while Steven was away. Xabi hadn’t heard from
his parents at all since he left, and Steven knew it had to be eating at him.
Mikel and Jon had called him, come by the restaurant. A few times they went to
a movie together, but not much besides that.
Even though they had separate rooms, they slept in Steven’s. Xabi had a twin,
Steven a full. Guti shrugged when Steven asked why they had gotten Xabi a small
bed.
“Well it isn’t as though we didn’t know you were going to sleep in the same
bed, we were teenagers too.”
“And we know you are being safe.” Steven saw Xabi’s back stiffen in
embarrassment, but Steven couldn’t help but laugh. “Plus, you are very good at
being quiet.” Raul said, smirking. Xabi was red beside Steven. Steven placed
his hand on Xabi’s back, rubbing it in circles.
Driving towards the airport, Steven had Xabi’s hand clasped in his. A few weeks
would be nothing, really. It would be over before he knew it.
“Do you want us to drop you off?” Raul asked, “Or park so we can go in with
you?” Steven bit his lip, looking at Xabi. Xabi was looking down at their hands
as Steven squeezed it.
“If you don’t mind parking, I’d like it if you came in.” Steven said, his voice
soft. Xabi looked up, smiling. Steven pulled Xabi’s hand up to his lips and
kissed it, closing his eyes, remembering when his parents had asked him if they
should park or not before dropping him off. He had told them he could do it
alone, he didn’t need them. He didn’t need Raul or Guti either, but he wanted
Xabi. He wanted to hug him, kiss him before he went through security.
Xabi stood with Steven as he checked his bag and got his boarding pass. Raul
and Guti let them have their space, to talk, but Steven didn’t have much to say
as they waited in line.
“Jamie said he wanted to come visit, maybe.” Steven said as he cleared his
throat. Xabi nodded solemnly.
“I’d like to meet him.” Steven wrapped an arm around Xabi’s shoulder and kissed
his forehead. Xabi sounded as though his heart was breaking.
“We’ll skype tonight, before I go to bed. It will be just like when-”
“My parents separated us.” Xabi mumbled. Steven sighed.
“Right, just like that, except you’ll be in my room in Spain and I’ll be in my
room in England.” Xabi smiled, which was what Steven wanted to see.
Once his bag was checked and they were standing in front of the security gate,
Xabi wrapped his arms around Steven’s waist and buried his face against
Steven’s shirt.
“Take me with you.” Xabi mumbled.
“Next time I go to England, Christmas.” Steven said, cupping Xabi’s face with
his hands, his thumb ghosting across Xabi’s lips. “You can come home with me
for Christmas.” Xabi smiled, nodding. They kissed, Steven’s arms dropping to
hold Xabi tight against him. When they parted, Steven kissed him again. “You
get off at eleven, right?” Steven asked. Xabi nodded.
“I’ll be home by midnight.” Steven nodded, they had a skype date that he
intended to keep.
Epilogue
Xabi couldn’t be more fidgety.
“What if they hate me.” He whispered, his hands on the armrests. Steven’s hand
covered one as he looked at Xabi, one eyebrow lifted.
“That is bullshit.”
“But-”
“No, stop.” Steven said, grinning. They were about to land, and Xabi was just
now beginning to worry that Steven’s family wouldn’t like him. Christmas in
Liverpool, with Steven’s family, and Xabi was with him. “They can’t wait to
meet you.” Xabi bit his lip as he looked out the window.
Xabi couldn’t wrap his head around everything that had happened, how they got
to where they were. Last year at this time he had hated Steven for kissing
Mikel Arteta, and now... now he was spending Christmas with him.
When Steven had returned to Spain in July, he had brought back most of his
things with him. He had somehow landed a job tutoring English, which
surprisingly paid rather well considering it hadn’t required a degree. Steven
was looking at Universities, keeping his options open. He really liked
translating and tutoring. Xabi would be graduating in June and had no plans for
his gap year. Steven had a sneaking suspicion he was waiting to see what Steven
was going to do first.
Steven’s family were waiting for them at baggage claim. Steven would remember
the look of shock on Xabi’s face when they hugged him first, before Steven.
“Welcome to the family, love.” His mother said as she kissed Xabi on the cheek.
Xabi looked at Steven, wide eyed. Steven hugged his mother next, getting a kiss
on the cheek as well. “You two look hungry.” She said, smiling. “I’ve got a
roast in the oven at home.” Steven smiled, taking Xabi’s hand as Paul took
Xabi’s luggage. “Xabi, dear, do you like mashed potatoes and carrots?” She
asked. Xabi nodded, silent. Steven squeezed his hand for reassurance, to remind
him that he indeed had a family. He would always have Steven.
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