Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4150398.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Hunger_Games_Trilogy_-_Suzanne_Collins, Hunger_Games_Series_-_All_Media
      Types, The_Hunger_Games_(Movies)
  Relationship:
      Katniss_Everdeen/Peeta_Mellark
  Character:
      Katniss_Everdeen, Peeta_Mellark, Primrose_Everdeen, Johanna_Mason, Delly
      Cartwright's_Brother, Marvel_(Hunger_Games), Cato_(Hunger_Games),
      Haymitch_Abernathy, Effie_Trinket, Greasy_Sae
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-06-17 Updated: 2017-11-24 Chapters: 10/? Words: 46392
****** Good Boy - Bad Girl ******
by Diana_Flynn
Summary
     Katniss' fresh start in a small town is over before it begins. As she
     struggles with the stigma of a bad reputation in her new high school,
     she fights her desire to get to know Mr. Perfect and Popular Peeta
     Mellark.
Notes
     Hi All, here is a multichapter work which will probably be my most
     involved since the Kitty Ranch. I started this for November's
     Nanowrimo and finally have the time to work on it. This story will
     definitely not be a fluff piece. I hope you enjoy it! Also, you can
     follow me on tumblr at dianaflynn22.
***** Prologue - Familiar Faces *****
Nothing can break me from my troubled sleep. Not the car swaying on the slick
road, the lightning streaking across the sky, or the wind howling through the
old windows. My nightmares continue their hold on me. The smell, the weight
keeping me down, the laughter in the background, it all trapped me in a dark
place I don’t want to be. If only I could open my eyes.
“Katniss! Wake up!” Her sweet voice is like crumbs leading the way home and
finally I pry my sticky eyes open and start focusing on the world around me. My
head is in the lap of my little sister. Her face is filled with concern, making
her look much older than her 14 years.
“Are you okay Katniss? You were whimpering in you sleep again,” she asks,
stroking my hair out of my face.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bad dream that’s all. It’s this weird rain in August.
How the hell does that happen.” I sit up shakily, unsuccessfully try to give
her a smile before sliding to the other side of the car. I tuck my legs
underneath me and lean my head against the window, staring at the raindrops
streak horizontally across the window.
“I guess because we are in Washington, not California anymore,” she says
lightly. My sister’s hand hovers at the corner of my eye for a moment before
she puts it in her lap. Ever defiant when it comes to my attempts to pull away,
she mirrors my position and her legs jut out enough so her feet touch mine. I
let our bare feet intertwine and relax a little. She is the only one who really
knows how to handle me these days.
“Katniss, put your seatbelt on.” My mother says looking at me through the
rearview mirror. I’m not up to her attempts at motherhood though so I just give
her a scowl before I settle my head back against the window.
“Where are we anyway?” I ask looking at no one.
“We’re almost there girls! Our new home. Just a few more minutes.” I can hear
the strain in my mother’s voice as she tries to sound cheery. She is really
trying, but it is just too damn late. At least for me anyway, so I close my
eyes and this time try not to fall back asleep. Prim and mother start chatting
about how exciting it is to move, wonder what their new town will be like,
chattering on and on. I know they are trying to convince me this new start will
be a good thing but I don’t care. Just as long as I am far away from my old
home. But this will not change how people see me or how I feel about myself. It
is just a temporary escape.
The car slows down and turns, indicating that we are pulling off the highway. I
open my eyes then start looking at the quaint beach town that is our new home.
My mother is familiar with this town since she grew up her and she navigates
the neighborhoods easily. Prim sits up straight, looking right and left at
everything we pass, obviously excited. I don’t know how she can be so
optimistic since she had to leave all her friends behind, but when she turns to
me with a big smile, this time I give her real one. Small for sure, but it’s
enough for her and she squeezes my hand which makes my smile becomes a little
bigger. She has that effect on me.
We turn onto a small quiet cul de sac where the houses are all somewhat
rundown, unassuming but somewhat charming. We pull into the house at the end of
the block. With peeling paint, a sagging porch, and the lawn more dirt than
grass it is the probably the most in need of repair, but it is still the
largest one. There are forgotten toys scattered in the front, and a rambling
primrose bush that cheers up the place. This is my new home I realize, I won’t
be going back and my heart is a little lighter at the thought.
Once the car comes to a stop, a girl and boy run out and circle our car,
bouncing as they try to look in. Their mother comes out with her son, a boy
Prim’s age, looking tired but a warm smile lights her face. My mother and
sister leave the car quickly ready to get out after our long drive. The other
woman gives my mother a large hug, not caring for a moment how wet it is
outside. I am more slow to leave the car, but it’s just because I’m not ready
to be around so many people at once. But I do anyway and once I get into
earshot I hear my mother saying lowly, “Thanks for taking us in. I don’t know
what we would have done if you said no.” My mother is enveloped in a warm hug
with an “of course” and guilt threatens to pummel me.
“Come out of the rain everyone! We can get your things later.” They all run in,
but again I take my time, letting myself get cold. It feels good on my skin, it
makes me feel more than just the numbness that has taken over since I’ve gotten
out.
“Come on Katniss I want to introduce you to everyone,” my mother says as I step
into the entryway. Although I know all of them from when I was younger, my
mother still introduces her friend Hazelle along with her six year old daughter
Posy and her two sons Vic and Rory. “We’re only missing Gale, he's at Stanford
correct? Do you remember playing with Gale when you were kids Katniss?” my mom
asks cheerfully.
“Of course I do mom,” I snap out causing everyone to shift uneasily at my foul
mood. I’ve only been here for five minutes and already I’ve made it awkward.
“Well I made some stew for everyone. Why don’t we go to the dining room and
eat.” Hazelle says, trying to keep things bright. We all follow her to the
dining room where bowls and bread have already been set out for everyone. I sit
at the chair closest to the door and tell myself I can stick this out. Hazelle
starts to ask how the trip went so Prim and mom take their turns talking
animatedly. I sit and quietly try to eat the food put before me, but everything
feels like it sticks in my throat. The only thing that seems to go down is the
fresh sourdough bread, it’s warm smell makes me relax despite myself.
“So Billy said that his mom told him that you are a bad girl. Is that true?” I
look up startled to see Posy looking innocently at me as my everyone else stops
in alarm. I look over at Prim and her eyes plead for me to calm down, but I
know what this means. Gossip has already followed me to this new place before I
even started. There is no escaping it. There will be no fresh start for me, I’m
not that lucky.
“I’m… I’m going to explore a bit, “ I say pushing my chair back harshly, trying
to restrain the anger at my situation.
“Katniss, please, stay inside. I’m sure it’s nothing,” my mother asks
fruitlessly, but I just flip her off, not caring that the children are
witnessing and I fly out the door.
I don’t know where I’m going, all I know is I walk and walk until I have no
sense of where I am. Then I hear yells and crunches with cheers, whistles, and
shouts intermingling in between. It’s the sound that is distinctly high school.
I turn down the street where the noise is coming from, and soon enough I am
coming on a big field surrounded by a chain linked fence. In front of me is a
high school football team practicing in the rain. A Catholic high school I
realize and I shudder.
Their coach is barking orders while parents are looking on from the sideline
under umbrellas. I don’t know why I stay and watch, I don’t even like football,
especially the high school kind. It represents everything I hate. These boys
don’t have to use their brains to get the good stuff out of life, they just
have to pummel each other. The girls they date don’t have to work hard to
succeed, they just have to look pretty while shaking their pom poms. But here I
am leaning against the fence as I watch them struggle in the thick mud, not
complaining as they are ordered to do drill after drill.
I’m transfixed, I can’t stop staring especially at the quarterback. He has his
helmet on so I can’t see what he looks like, but despite his short stature he
has a commanding presence on the field, his tight muscles rippling, as he barks
orders before tossing the ball. I can already tell this boy must be a clear
leader in school if he is anything like he is on the field. Eventually a
whistle indicates a break and all the players gather to the right of me at the
benches. He pulls off his helmet and bright curls shake free, shining brightly
despite the dampened grey skies. His smile is even brighter, and eyes crinkle
with joy as he laughs at something one of the other boys joke about. There is
something in that laugh that reaches deep down in me, and I instantly hate him.
He sounds lighthearted, without a care in the world. He probably just smiles
and gets everything he wants out of life. He is Mr. Perfect All American Boy
and I want nothing to do with the likes of him.
It’s almost like he could read my thoughts because he whips his heads towards
me suddenly, searching, and our eyes make contact before I can even react. Even
from this distance I can see they are a blue more intense than my own sister’s
eyes. The kind of color you only see in travel magazines in sparkling tropical
oceans that you want to dive in. They squint, no they pierce through me, like
he is surveying everything that I am inside and out. I don’t like it at all.
But I am surprised to see a depth in those eyes that says “I am more than what
you think I am.” I shake my head slightly, knowing I must be imagining things,
and by that time I look up again he is back to talking to his friend. The
whistle blows indicating that break is over. He runs past me, helmet in hand
and just as I am about to turn away he looks over at me and gives me a small
sly smile before winking. It’s so fast I want to say I was imagining it but I
know I was not. Fuck him though and the games he is so obviously used to
playing. I turn the way I had come and leave the sounds of high school football
behind.
I find the house again easily and everyone is settled in the living room. Prim
immediately comes and hugs me, but with a crease in her brow that says she is
upset with me too. So I kiss her head and apologize to her softly. I ask
Hazelle if it’s alright if I take a shower, and she leads me to a bathroom on
the second floor and provides towels for me to use. I stand under the hot water
a long time until my skin tingles in relief as it thaws. The shower is the one
place where my brain stops working on overdrive, and I can just be for a
moment. But tonight, there is one image that won’t stop invading my mind. That
boy, that damn football player with his stupid smirk and wink replays over and
over in my head. And I know that image will follow me to bed tonight.
***** Worn out Places *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"You got to be fucking with me." I stare down at every man's porn fantasy,
willing the atrocity to be burned just from my stare.
"Katniss, language. You won't be able to get away with that vulgarity at your
new school." My mother looks frustrated and almost angry at me. I'm not used to
her being so engaged in my life, but fuck her, it's too late.
"Well that doesn't mean I won't try mother," I say with a scoff and a roll of
the eyes as I pick one of the offending materials up. It's a blue green plaid
pleated skirt. There is also a white blouse, tie, knee high white socks, and
shoes. Oxfords shoes. My mother had signed me up to go to a Catholic school.
"Katniss, can you please just put it on. We're going to be late for the meeting
if we don't leave in 10 minutes." Her voice is tired with defeat, and she
doesn't even bother to wait for my answer before she leaves. She knows it'll
just mean more arguments otherwise.
"Katniss do you have to argue with mom all the time." I turn around to see my
sister leaning against our bedroom door. She is already dressed in her school
uniform, her hair plaited in a braid similar to the one I always wear. She
looks so sweet and innocent despite the disapproval written on her face, that I
can't help but smile.
"Turn around little duck, your tail is showing." She rolls her eyes at me but
she obeys anyway. Once I'm done, she waits patiently as I fix the bottom of her
braid and smooth out the fly-aways.
"Look Prim," I finally say. "I'm just not used to mom being checked in okay?
Especially since she checked in too damn late." I say the last part softly and
I turn away from Prim before I see the sad look in her eyes. I shed my clothes
and start putting on the offending garment, already done with this
conversation.
"She's trying Katniss and she's sorry,” she says softly to my back. "Just try
and give her a chance. Please? For me?" I turn around and give her a small nod.
Her shoulders sag in relief and she attacks me with a hug before I can shy
away. I forgot how good it felt having her little arms around so I hug her back
and we stand there for a couple minutes in peaceful silence.
"Come on girls, it's time to go!" We hear our mother yell from downstairs. Prim
reluctantly lets me go knowing these moments are rare and I throw on the
uniform quickly.
"So how do I look Prim? Like I’m a sweet innocent good girl?" I say turning
around for her, my metal bangles clang slightly as I do.
She just shakes her head with a knowing smirk on her face. "No you still look
like trouble."
____________________
I don't know what I was exactly expecting in the principal of the school. But
the sweet, grandma-like nun smiling benevolently at me is not it. If her hair
was exposed I'm sure it would be as silver as her eyebrows, but it’s tucked
tightly under her head cloth. Or habit, or whatever they call it. She stands up
once we step into her office, and moves rather quickly for an old lady. She
hugs my mother tightly, telling her how good it is to see her before she turns
to Prim and I.
"Welcome Katniss and Prim to Sacred Heart Preparatory School. It's good to
finally meet you both. I've heard so much about you from your mother," she says
sincerely, shaking our hands. Her own hand is weathered and marked with age,
but surprisingly strong and emanates comfort. "I'm Reverend Mother Thomasina,
principal of St. Francis. But all the students call me Mother Sae, my birth
name. I'd like you to do so as well. Now come and sit. I just wanted to get to
know you both before school starts."
She starts by asking us more about ourselves, sticking to the safe topics like
what interests we have in school and any extra-curricular activities. Prim does
most of the talking including filling in for me, and if it bothers the nun, she
doesn't show it. She then starts to rattle off all the features of the school.
It seems pretty state of the art with a pool, gym, and even archery field. It
seems like the well-off residents of this town made sure that the school was
provided everything the students could possibly desire whether it was necessary
or not. Now I have to wonder how my mother can pay for us to attend this
clearly expensive school when we can't even afford our own place, relying on
the Hawthornes for almost everything. The question bursts of my mouth before I
can stop it so of course it comes out a little too sharply. My mother gives me
a stern look but Mother Sae just waves it off.
"Well of course your mother gets a discount for being the school nurse. But we
also have various scholarships available to help cover the rest. And of course
with your situation Katniss, we wanted to provide you with the best possible."
I push my chair back harshly, knocking it over in the process. Fuck this shit,
and I say so out loud too. I am nobody’s charity case and I don’t need her
pity. Making my way to the door, but a strong firm voice stops me.
"Now Ms. Everdeen you will stop right there. We are not finished yet. Pick up
your chair and sit back down." I turn around almost like she compelled me to
move with her quiet yet stern voice. Her face is still placid but her eyes have
a stubborn strength that holds me in place. "Claire and Prim please leave
Katniss and myself for a moment alone?" They both nod their heads, obviously
shocked and too surprised to speak, scraping their chairs loudly in their haste
to quickly get out the door.
I do as she orders but I cross my arms stubbornly and start to pick at the
black paint peeling off of my nails. I know her eyes are on me and it feels
like she sees straight through me. It is so unsettling I can't help but fidget,
my leg bouncing in front of me. I don't know what about this woman compels me
to stay when I would usually be halfway home by now. "Well on with it?" I throw
out impatiently.
She clasps her hands on her desk and leans forward, her face still completely
calm. "Your mother told me what happened to you Katniss. Don't blame her, she
couldn't help it. Claire has never kept anything from me in her life.” She
pauses waiting for my full attention and when I look up at her she says, “And
so I believe her even though no one else does. I know you are a good girl." My
shoulders start to relax a little when I see the unflinching truth in her eyes.
It's been a long time since anybody has believed anything concerning me was
good.
"What does it matter? People are already gossiping about me. I haven't been
here for two days and it's already followed me." I can't help but burst out
because it's true. The damage is already done. Hazelle has sworn she hasn't
said anything, but parents have been talking, which also means so are their
kids.
"Look, I can't help what happens out there; what others say. But you have a
second chance here. Don't let it slip you by just because you’re angry. The
school board and parents association did not want to allow you admittance into
the school. As a show of faith that you are becoming a responsible person, I
made a bargain that you will work for me after school. I expect you to be here
everyday after school at 3 pm sharp. If you aren't here promptly, I will hunt
you down, drag you by your ear in front of the entire school and bring you back
to the office. Got it?"
She does not blink once at her threat, and I swallow hard at the truth. "Yes
Mother Sae." I reply reluctantly.
"And Katniss, don't expect you will get expelled that easily. So do us both a
favor and try not to work so hard to do so, okay? I am here for you even if you
don't like it. Don't forget that. So do we have an understanding?"
This entire, sometimes frightening speech was said completely calmly, with a
sternness in her voice that brokered no argument. So all I do is grunt out a
yes, but that is enough for her because her smile is back fully on her face.
"Lovely, now let's get your sister and mother back. I'm afraid that prior
commitments keep me from giving you a tour of the school, but I have a lovely
volunteer for the task. Your class president Peeta Mellark, such a sweet boy,
is helping us with school prep when he's not at football practice. And he has
agreed to show you around. Good to know the lay of the land before the start of
school right?" She chuckles to herself before lifting off her chair with a
slight groan.
I get up to follow her out of the office, barely able to keep up with her brisk
walk. My mother and sister look up nervously as they see us approach them, but
her cheerful demeanor relaxes them quickly. She motions us to follow her, as
she weaves through the winding school hallways until we come to double doors.
When she pushes them open it reveals a library that makes my mouth water a bit
when I look around. It is is a massive place, shiny and neat and I know that I
can spend my days hiding out here, away from the other students. She calls out
this Peeta guy’s name, and a male voice answers back with a too cheery "yes"
before he comes into view from behind a stack of books.
My mouth practically falls open when I realize that this "sweet boy" she has
spoken so highly of is the very quarterback I saw practicing in the rain two
days ago. He has to be the most perfect, virtuous boy I have ever seen. Even
out of uniform, not barking orders to his team, he still has a commanding
bearing despite the fact he is only half a head taller than me. Up close and
cleaned up, his face is worthy of Prince Charming handsome with his strong jaw,
slightly aquiline nose, and sprinkle of freckles. Like we are, he is wearing
his perfectly pressed school uniform despite the fact that school hasn't
officially started yet. His blond curly hair is combed back neatly, not a
single hair out of place and his smile is so disarming I can see even my
mother's face cracks in a rare smile. I can’t help the rage that simmers in my
gut that he should be graced with something that she no longer gives me. Even
before I got in trouble I could never get her to smile warmly at me.
"Hi Mother Sae, are these the lovely women I'm supposed to guide around the
school?" He asks wiping his hands on his thighs. His eyes pass mine quickly and
there is not a glint of recognition that I am the girl he winked at in the
rain; just a pleasant smile on his face.
"Yes Peeta. Thanks so much for doing this. This is Claire Everdeen and her
daughters Katniss and Prim. Prim will be a freshman and Katniss is a senior
like you." My mother nods her head shyly at him, my sister blushes, as he
shakes their hands. My frown deepens, not that he seems to care when he comes
towards me. He offers his hand and I stare at it, but he firmly holds it
towards me, eyes not wavering. I feel a nudge that is Prim indicating silently
that I am being rude, so I finally offer my hand. The world seems to pinpoint
where skin touches on skin. His rough large hand encompassing my small soft
one. My skin feels like bees wings are beating against it and I don't like it
one bit. His thumb flicks over my hand only slightly, but it is enough for me
to jerk it away. It doesn't look like it was on purpose though as he turns to
Sister Sae without sparing a glance at my reaction. In fact he wipes his hand
against pants. He probably was disgusted he had to touch the freak; and I
clench my fist at the thought he'll probably laugh with his friends about it
later.
"Now show them everything you can, but go home when you’re done. You have
helped us long enough today. It was good seeing you again Claire. Katniss, Prim
I look forward to seeing you both in school next week. God bless." With that
she is out the door again, and I am relieved I won't have to deal with that
crazy women's presence any longer. But the relief is brief when I turn to see
the angelic looking boy waiting for me expectantly, and even though I don't
know him, I know I don't want to be around him. This day can't be over soon
enough.
"Shall we get started," he says indicating the door, my mother and sister
agreeing in unison.
We spend an hour with Peeta as he guides us through the entire school. It is
fancier than I even suspected. It seems like the affluent patrons made sure
their children have everything they need. I'm surprised it doesn't have an
equestrian center. He's at ease as he rattles off facts in an upbeat manner
while my mother and sister follow in rapt attention. I feel like a dark cloud,
trailing behind them, barely paying attention to what is being said. Now I
understand the term gilded cage as I look at the place I will be trapped in for
a year. If I don't get kicked out before graduation. God, how I hope to be
kicked out before graduation.
There is one room that almost makes me smile though, that makes my heart feel
like a rush of fresh air has gone through it. It's the music room, filled with
every instrument you can imagine, a small stage and a beautiful Steinway grand
piano. It's been over a year since I've put my hand to one and my finger itches
to touch it and it draws me in like a siren song. But as my finger barely
slides on the wood, other memories overtake me and I pull away.
"Do you play?" This is the first time the boy has addressed me directly, his
blue eyes sparkling hypnotically.
"No." I say roughly.
"But Katniss..." my sister starts to say overhearing us, but she stops when she
sees the look in my eyes. Peeta looks between the two of us curiously, almost
amused.
"No I don't play," I reiterate firmly.
"Well I encourage you to both take classes. Professor Cinna is a very fine
teacher, although he hasn't found me to have any talent at all," he answers
with a small knowing smirk sneaking on to his face.
"Let's move on from here. Isn't there a pool? Prim has been curious about
joining the swim team," my mother rattles off nervously, rushing out of the
room before I say anything else.
"This way," Peeta says, touching my back to push me forward while he points at
a door with his other hand. There it is again, that finger flick, on the ridge
of my spine. So slight if I were to say anything he could easily deny it. I
find myself bowing my back slightly to get closer to his hand, but I quickly
realize what I'm doing and step away from him. I don't like to be touched, Prim
being the only one who can get close, so I don't like how my body is responding
to this stranger. Why did I bend into his hand like that?
The rest of the tour has no further incidence and I am relieved when we find
ourselves back where we began at the start. The school is amazing, but that
doesn't matter. It's walls will hold the same people I've always had to deal
with. The same people who will hate me just for being different.
"Thank you so much for showing us around," my mother says to Peeta. "It's nice
to know good boys like you will be in her school. Isn't that right Katniss?"
"Sure mom," I say trying not to roll my eyes, and cross my arms tightly across
my body.
"Well either of your girls can come to me if they need anything, anytime they
want Mrs. Everdeen," Peeta answers, shaking her hand. His smile never wavered
once, no matter what snarky comment I threw at him. It's kind of creepy.
"That’s great, isn't it girls?" She answers a little too brightly. My sister,
ever the moderator agrees while I don't bother to reply. Peeta tells us again
that it was nice to meet us and we finally part ways. We are are just getting
to the exit when I hear his voice stretch out.
"Katniss did you drop this?" I grab my collar and don’t feel the familiar
weight and I start to panic. I look and there in his hand is my mockingjay pin,
my talisman, the one thing that keeps me grounded.
I rush back to him quickly and his hand holds out my pin for me to take. The
moment my hand touches his, his fingers close around mine, holding me there
fast. That feeling is back at the touch of the rough skin, that buzz of energy
that makes my skin crawl. His grip is strong and he doesn't let me slip my hand
away despite the fact I'm tugging.
"It was nice meeting you Katniss who doesn't pay the piano." His face is amused
and flickers with a mischievousness I haven’t seen before. At this I yank my
hand out of his and wipe it on the back of my skirt before fastening my pin
back on. I quickly glance at my family to see if they saw our strange
interaction but they are preoccupied looking at some trophies. Turning back to
Peeta, he just shakes his head before the sweet smile comes back on, the one
that says he has never done anything bad in his life.
"I guess I'll be seeing you around school Katniss."
"Don't hold your breath," I spit out, before turning on my heel and walk as
fast as I can to the exit. I make the mistake of looking back one more time
before we leave. He gives me a wink so fast I almost miss it. He is far away so
I could be imagining it, but I know I'm not. It’s the same one I saw in the
field yesterday that says, yes he does remember me from before. But before I
can even flip him off, he's turned around and walked out the opposite door.
I'm so livid I can't move from my spot. How fucking dare he mock me. What the
hell is his game. I want to march over there, pin him against the wall and tell
him just that.
"Come on Katniss, I need to help Hazelle with dinner." I blink at my mom
remembering that there are actually people I am with and turn to follow her.
Fuck this Peeta Mellark. I know one person I am going to make sure I am on the
opposite side of campus at all times from.
 
___________________________
My leg hasn't stopped jiggling since I got into mom’s old buick. There is
nothing like the first day of school in a new town, wearing a stupid uniform to
remind me how much I hate change. No, I don't hate it, I despise it. I almost
prefer to be back in the hell that I was in last year than deal with high
school life again. Catholic high school no less.
I look down at Prim and she almost looks green, her hands twisting the edge of
her skirt tightly. I instantly feel guilty remembering that if it wasn't for
me, she'd probably be excited about heading off to school. She would be meeting
up with her friends instead of having to make new ones.
"Are you okay Little Duck?" I ask quietly putting my hand over hers. She looks
up at me and smiles, surprised and happy that I initiated the contact, turning
her hand over to lock it with mine.
"Yeah, but it's first day jitters and all. I know it'll be okay. And you
Katniss? How are you doing?" I just shrug. What is there to say? It's not like
I'll be skipping around with the popular kids. I'll be lucky if I'm just left
to myself.
"It'll be fine I guess. Maybe it'll be better," I say, trying to be optimistic
for her sake. She takes it though, nodding enthusiastically.
"Yeah," She says with her sweet smile, but it turns a little sad. "Maybe I'll
have better friends this time."
"What are you talking about, I thought you loved your friends." Her eyes lower
and she blushes, like she is ashamed. And I realize maybe they weren't so good
to her once I got in trouble.
"I'm sorry Prim," I say regretfully, squeezing her hand. She uses her other one
to wave me off.
"Don't worry about me. I'm better finding out now what type of people they are.
I'm sure I'll find better friends to hang out with. And you can too Katniss." I
try not to scowl at that. There is very little chance of me making any friends.
"Can you at least try?" She pleads with me.
"Alright, I'll try. I promise." Her smile lights up the car and I vow that I
will at least make an effort, for her. All I need to do is drag her down more
than I already have.
The sound of the school hits me before the car even slows down. Enthusiastic
screechy girls, low tremble of guys greeting each other, and teachers barking
orders all intermingle and twist my gut into a knot.
"Okay girls, we're here!" My mom says, pulling into her staff parking spot.
"I wish Rory came here too, at least that means I'd have one friend here." Prim
says sadly as she steps out. I'll have to keep an eye on those two. They both
had pink tinged cheeks this morning at the breakfast table, before Hazelle
drove him to the public school.
My mom wishes us both good luck, giving Prim a hug and me a nod of the head,
asking me to be safe when I take the bus home, since I’ll be staying after
school. I try not to scowl and answer reluctantly that I will, before she walks
to nurses office, leaving us on our own. I quickly look around at all the
students milling around us and it is amazing how you can already tell their
social status despite the fact they are wearing the same thing.
There is a group of popular girls sitting on a low wall. They still have the
shortest skirts, the most makeup and haughty expressions permanently etched on
their faces. A group of geeks huddle underneath a tree looking at one of their
ipads. I survey all my peers as they pass me, and I can tell immediately what
rung they are on the social ladder. I'm not one to judge because I would be at
the bottom even if I cared where I was on the school hierarchy. I hear some
deep laughs to my left and see what is obviously the jock guys. If their
tightly muscled confident bodies didn't give them away, than it was the person
in the center that does. There stands Peeta, a large smile on his face as he is
making sweeping gestures in a story he is telling, the crowd around him obvious
eating it up.
His eyes pass mine as he is talking and there is no look of recognition. Not a
little bit. I can feel a flush of anger and embarrassment role through my body.
I don't know why I'd expect he'd actually acknowledge my presence, or why it
would even matter to me if he did.
"Come on Prim, let's get our schedule before we become late," I say to Prim,
waving my hand in her face. She is obviously just staring at everyone passing
by like me and just nods her head before we dive into the fray.
Now I'm grateful that we had the tour of the school before today. It's not easy
weaving through the many chatting students completely oblivious to the two new
kids, but we manage to make our way back to the administrative office. There we
get our syllabus and then it's time for us to separate. I probably won't see
her until I get home because I have to work for Mother Sae after class and we
have different lunch periods, not that I would want to drag her down anyway.
"Good luck today Katniss," Prim says giving me a quick hug before she hurries
off. The bell rings, startling me and I get pissed at myself for wishing my
sister was at my side. Fuck it, I don't need someone four years younger than
myself to hold my hand.
With renewed surliness I look down at my syllabus to see my first class is
Homeroom. I stuff the offending paper in my pocket and start to make my way to
class, ready to get the day over with. But I haven't memorized the layout of
the school as well as I thought I did, realizing I have no idea where I should
be. Students rush passed me, some looking annoyed as they knock my bag or
shoulder as I stand in their way and I try not to lose my cool at my total
incompetence.
"Is someone lost?" I hear over my shoulder, the familiar voice causing the hair
on my neck to prickle. I turn around and sure enough there is Peeta, that
playful smirk on his face, the only one he's graced me with when he is talking
to me.
"I'm fine," I growl, trying to push past him but he puts his hand on my arm to
stop me. I jerk away immediately wrapping my arms tightly around myself and he
holds his hands up to pacify me.
"Sorry Everdeen. I'm just here to help. We have maybe 3 minutes to get to
class, so cough up that piece of paper of yours." He opens his hand to me and
waits, his mouth set in a stubborn line that says he is not budging.
I reluctantly pull out the crumpled paper and shove it in his hand, taking a
step back so he's not close to me. He pulls it open with a bemused smile and it
turns into a chuckle as he shakes his head from what he reads on the paper.
"Well it's your lucky day, because we have homeroom together."
"You’ve got to be fucking kidding me," I mutter, eyeing him like he's the devil
himself. My reaction just makes him shake his head again, his eyes crinkle with
mirth at the situation he's obviously enjoying.
"You know the sisters will skin you alive for talking like that. Now come on,
before we're late," he says suddenly all business.
He doesn't give me a chance to respond and he starts walking quickly. He
obviously takes the threat of being late seriously, as he speeds down the hall,
not even trying to make any conversation. I sure as hell don't like small talk,
so I just do my best to keep up with him.
When we finally reach the door, he puts his hand on the door knob but doesn't
open it, instead turning to me.
"You don't like me do you?" He asks straightforwardly. He looks generally
curious, not an ounce of hurt in his gaze.
"I don't like anybody except my sister," I answer honestly. He bites his lip
and nods his head, like I've revealed something of deep value that he has to
consider. This boy is so... strange.
"Fair enough," he finally says before opening the door and stepping aside so I
can walk in first. What I can tell is going to be his usual M.O. is that I am
no longer there once we're around other people around. His smile is wide and
easy as he sees a friend of his and they clasp hands in greeting. Two girls
follow next with sweet greetings of "Peeta!" and he is soon the center of
attention yet again.
Whatever. I plop myself at the back of the classroom, and pull out the novel
I'm reading, tuning out the world until the teacher is ready to start class.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for reading. For once I am a few chapters ahead so I hope to
     post another chapter by next week. Let me know what you think! I love
     reading your comments.
***** Bright and early for their daily races *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Stupid fucking locker." I bang at it painfully hard wishing I had a
sledgehammer to punish it for refusing to open. It's my lunch period and hell
if I'm going to walk around with a pile of books during my free period. I bang
my head against it in frustration and pound it with my fist for what feels like
the hundredth time and somehow it finally gives way. I crow in triumph,
stuffing everything in and pull out an apple to fill my protesting stomach.
I've just taken a large satisfying bite when I hear footsteps approach me.
"Heard there was a new fine piece of ass coming to this school. But I didn't
think it would be this fine." I turn around to see a boy with mousy brown hair
and equally dull eyes giving me the up down. The sweet juicy apple I was
previously enjoying goes down my throat hard.
"Seriously?" I say slamming my locker shut. "Do you really think you can get
anywhere with a crap line like that?" I have been dealing with this all damn
day. Either it's cheesy ass lines or suggestive looks that make my skin crawl.
You'd think that this was an all boys school or something. I don't know why the
hell they need to bother me, it's not like I'm anything to look at. So I assume
it's pure boredom and it's pissing me off because it almost makes me miss my
interactions with Peeta in comparison. Almost.
"Cunt. I was only giving a compliment," he snaps back but I only stare at him
coldly. Like I give a shit about any name he throws at me.
"Do you suck your dick with that mouth? Now run along," I say dismissively. He
clenches his fists at his sides, and leans forward, snorting so hard like a
bull, hair flies away from my face. But I don't flinch because I've put up with
way worse than him.
"Leave off Marvel." A stern voice comes behind me and I turn around to see
Peeta standing there, leaning against a locker, arms crossed. Everything about
his body says relaxed except a tight muscle twitching in his jaw. For a moment
they have a silent staring contest until Marvel backs off quickly.
"Whatever man, she's just another crazy bitch anyway," he says abruptly,
turning on his heel and going in the opposite direction. It's clear by how fast
he backed off who the alpha in the school is. Not that I am impressed with
sword fighting.
"I can take care of myself," I tell him turning sharply to Peeta.
He just laughs and shakes his head at me, running his fingers through his curly
hair. "You know you're a piece of work. Why am I not surprised that's your
reaction."
"Well then maybe you should leave me alone then. I don't want or need your
help. Ever." I snap back as I try to walk away, but his solid body is in my
way, not close enough to be threatening, but still intimidating in an
unexpected way. My nostrils flare in anger but unfortunately I'm so close to
him I also take in his distinctive musk, a heady smell like freshly baked bread
that makes my head swim and clouds my thoughts.
"Aren't you even going to say thank you," he asks, his voice stern like a
teacher, and it brings me to my senses.
"Why should I want to thank someone who is no better than Marvel," I say
sweeping my eyes up and down his body making a point how he is using his own
muscle mass to intimidate me.
His eyes sparkle, as he bends closer, his lips close to my ear. "Because I
didn't come here for that. I'm just hungry. And since you're blocking my
locker..." He steps back but not before plucking my apple from my numb fingers.
He takes a big bite of my apple before plopping it back in my hand, spinning on
his heels and walking away, whistling softly. "Fuck me." I mumble before
tossing the rest of my now ruined apple in the trash.
I was intending on heading to the library but now I really just need a
cigarette, badly. I remember that there is a gap between one of the far
buildings and a shed that looked promising for privacy so I make my way there
as fast as possible. Just as I hoped, the spot is completely empty, not even a
student walking past it, so I lean against the building wall, then slide down
until my bottom hits the floor with a thud. I pull out a cigarette and light
it, hoping the smell will fade before the end of the day so Prim doesn't find
out. God it feels good.
"Who the hell are you?" A female voice accuses, just as I let out a long breath
of smoky air. I turn to see a girl, skirt ridiculously short, hip popped to the
side, spiky brown hair, black nails that are perfect unlike my chipped ones and
a bad attitude written all over her face.
"New girl," I answer evasively, taking another drag of my cigarette.
"Shit can I have one of those?" she asks plopping down next to me, and I just
nod and hand her my box. We smoke in silence before we're both done, and she
offers me her hand.
"Names Johanna Mason," she says.
"Katniss Everdeen," I answer, taking her hand and shaking back quickly.
"Nice to meet you Everdeen. You look like you're going to cause a hell of a lot
of trouble at this school. I can already tell. I like that."
"Isn't that the pot calling kettle black?" I say with a smirk. I barely know
this girl, but already I'm liking her despite myself.
"Damn straight. Now come and join me for lunch because my girlfriend's going to
lose her shit."
"Girlfriend? They allow that here?"
"Hell no, but that doesn't stop us. Although it does helps that she has a rich
daddy and mommy who doesn't mind that she likes pussy," she says slapping her
hands on her thighs before getting up.
"So are you going to come and meet the love of my life?" she asks dryly but I
see a light in her eyes and somehow I know she's trying to hide how sincere she
is.
“Maybe next time.” I answer, just not ready to be social. She just shrugs at me
before turning and strolling away. I spend the rest of my break comfortable in
my hiding spot, listening to the other students who actually have friends pass
by me.
The bell rings and it's back to pretending I care about my classes,
participating just enough so I'm not noticed. The first day ends faster than I
expect and I find myself facing Mother Sae’s office for my first evening of
“volunteering” with her. When I enter her office reluctantly, she is just as
brisk and cheerful as ever as she promptly puts me to work.
I wasn’t sure what to expect going in there but I actually spend the day
helping her decipher several computer programs and lord, she needs a lot of
help. A lot. Computer illiterate would be an understatement, but she is self-
deprecating about her inability to do basic functions besides looking at her
email, keeping the atmosphere light. I'm quickly learning what a complex woman
she is. She is a sweet nun sure, but she is also pretty funny with a sharp wit
to match. I hate to admit it, but at times she almost made me smile. The thing
I admire about her most is that she does not push me. She doesn't use this as
an excuse to be a therapy session and pick my brain. She does most of the
talking but when I do talk she takes the time to listen. These days spent after
school might not be such a terrible thing after all.
By the time the second Thursday has hit, I have become pretty comfortable with
my pattern of loneliness. Nobody bothers me, and I definitely don't bother
them. I no longer exist to even Peeta, which is fine by me. The only thing to
disturb my solitude is Johanna coming to snag a smoke from me at lunch before
she meets her girlfriend. Sometimes we talk but mostly we just sit in easy
silence. Every time she has asked me to join her and every time I’ve answer "No
thanks".
But today, Johanna gives me a scathing looks and says, “Come on brainless, suck
it up for once and meet my people,” before she walks out into the bright
sunshine, not looking back to see if I decided to follow her. With a deep sigh,
I get up, brush myself off, and head after her, not really sure exactly why.
What the hell. Only a couple weeks into school and I may have just made a
friend. Who knew.
*****************
"You know you're hanging out with a dike right? I guess that's why you didn't
want to take up my offer," Marvel says, breathing down my neck the moment I
enter the cafeteria with Johanna. Wow, he's still holding on to the locker
incident? It's like he's been waiting for me to enter the cafeteria this whole
time just to say something stupid. And oh joy! He has two more meatheads with
him. One cackles, while the other, a tall blonde boy with chilling blue eyes
just gives me a smile that is not any way close to warm, and I can feel a
shiver go up my spine.
"Oooh... I'm so hurt Marvel that you would call me that. I'm rethinking
everything now because of your very astute name-calling," Joanna says stepping
up to him with feigned regret. She then gives him a wicked look, the old up and
down glance, stunning him for a moment. "Too bad I've heard what a little dick
you have otherwise I'd make an exception."
She says this loud enough that others around them hear her and breakout in
laughter, including his friends. I smirk at this strange girl, who winks back
at me as we weave our way through the cafeteria ignoring the expletives that
are being thrown at our backs. I'm liking her more and more.
She starts to anxiously scan the tables until a smile spreads on her face. I
track where she's looking and her smile is linked to a busty blonde girl who is
waving enthusiastically next to a window. She's sitting next to a beautiful
waif like girl with wide eyes along with a long limbed red headed boy.
"What a dork," she mumbles to herself but she says it with obvious affection.
When we get to the table, she leans down and kisses the girl, flicking her
tongue in her mouth slightly, not concerned at all about the obvious
disapproving stares.
"Ugh, you've been smoking. You know I hate that," the blonde girl says with a
pout, pushing Johanna away. "Who's the new girl? Have you found my replacement
already?"
"Whatever. You know there is no replacing you baby," is Johanna's reply,
plopping down next to her, swing her arm around her shoulders. "Everyone this
is Katniss Everdeen. Katniss this is everyone. Now sit your ass down, you're
starting to look like a loser."
"Hi Katniss," they all say drily in unison, like they are at group therapy. I
have somehow found myself amongst a group of assholes. The type of people who
don't care about school hierarchy therefore they are not at the bottom of the
totem pole, but they definitely aren't at the top. I can already tell they
don't give fuck and do their own thing. How did I get so damn lucky?
I give a bright Stepford Wife worthy smile and wave before letting it settle
down back into it's usual scowl and plop down across Joanna and Delly, next to
the waif girl who is just blinking at me like an owl.
Delly slides her legs into the table and leans towards me, her breasts barely
being contained by her school uniform. "What my rude girlfriend should have
said is that I'm Delly, Johanna's girlfriend. This is Annie and Darius." The
other two give me genuine waves this time and we all start settling into our
lunch.
"So everyone's talking about you," Delly says turning her head right and left
to see if anybody is listening. I follow her eyes and sure enough there are a
lot of people looking our way, and I'm pretty sure it's not just because of the
two girls who were just kissing. "Word has it that you're bad news. So what's
your story?"
"I apologize for my friend. She is like a highly excitable puppy and this is a
small town where nothing happens," Annie replies softly, but loud enough that
Delly can still hear.
"Yeah, it's like Johanna just handed her a gift by bringing you here," adds
Darius in which Delly flips him off.
I just shrug, not ready for the third degree. "New town, new school, that's
it." I answer tersely.
Darius barks a laugh, which is kinda gross since he had previously taken a big
bite of his egg sandwich so food goes flying everywhere and Annie shoves him
away. "Delly, this one's going to be more difficult than your girlfriend. Maybe
you'll have to work your magic on her too," he says with a wink.
"Sorry that's not my thing." I answer pulling out an apple out of my bag and
taking a bite out of it.
"But... you don't mind do you?" Delly says suddenly shifting in her seat
uncomfortably and Johanna tightens her grip on her shoulders. "Because it's not
easy for us being in a Catholic school and all."
"Nah, I have no issues, besides it's something you get used to seeing in
juvie." It just slips out without me even intending too. I wanted to assure her
so badly I didn't even think about it. More food plops out of Darius's open
mouth as the other girls just stare at me for a moment and I start looking for
the nearest exit.
"Shit howdy, you're serious aren't you?" Johanna finally says, and slaps her
knee in obvious glee. "I guess the rumors about you being bad are true. Well
you are definitely going to be a great addition to our group." I try to relax
again, even though my heart is beating so hard. There seems to be general
agreement amongst them that it is no issue for them and that puts me at ease.
One secret at least doesn't matter with this group.
"So what did you do?" Annie asks softly.
I just shrug and dig into my bag for my sandwich. "Nothing where I deserved to
be stuck there." It's enough they know I went in, it's too much for them to
know why I went in.
"But..." Delly is about to say but her girlfriend turns her head and gives her
a hard kiss on the lips stopping her.
"Leave it alone honey. She's already said more than she meant to." She then
turns around to me, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Your shit is your shit. The
four of us don't care about that. Not that everyone else will be as easygoing
but at least you don't have to worry about us."
"Thanks," I say softly, overwhelmed for a moment. I was ready to eat alone for
the rest of the school year, counting down the days until I graduated, but here
I am with people who are kind of okay.
"Well at least let me tell her who's who here," Delly says exasperated.
"Go ahead, fly free little one. While you do that I'll just let my eyes and
ears bleed from hearing the stupid chisme."
Delly just rolls her eyes and leans into me saying, "Okay let's get started."
And then it's me who feels like my ears will bleed as she goes into exact
detail on every group. Darius, Annie and Jo have obviously checked out and
start their own conversation while she's pointing everyone out. There are the
AP track kids who are intense yet popular, the Tech & AV kids who are equally
smart but very low on the totem, the usual jocks and cheerleaders, emo goth
kids, on and on she rattles endlessly. I try my best not to look like I'm going
to choke her.
Delly is just going into how you don't want to mess with the Russian mafia when
my neck prickles and I just know he is there. Sure enough I turn around and
there Peeta stands right behind me, hands tucked into his pockets, smiling down
at Delly.
"Hey Delly, how's it going? Joanna, Annie Darius." He nods to each. Johanna
barely acknowledges him with a lifted eyebrow.
"Great Peeta! How's it been going?"
He just shrugs before saying, "Okay so far. Getting used to being back. Getting
used to football again."
"Gah, I know. I'm not ready to be hefting skinny bitches into the air to cheer
you guys on." He let's out a deep earthy laugh that makes me crumple my
sandwich bag into my tight fist.
"Well I'm joining the guys, I'll see you later." He waves at all of them before
he saunters off.
I practically jump out of my seat when Delly slaps her hands hard on the table,
making people nearest us turn and stare at us. "So you obviously met Peeta
already," she says conspiratorially.
"What... how... he didn't even acknowledge me!" I answer back slumping into
myself wishing I had a hoodie to tuck my hands in.
"Exactly," she says, like I just completely proved her point. I look at Johanna
for help but she's too busy still glaring at Peeta. He's casually sitting on
top of one of the tables, already laughing with his friends. Delly snaps her
fingers at me, calling my attention back to her.
"He says hi to everyone Katniss. I mean everyone. Even that girl over there
who's skirt is always tucked in her underwear and loses her pencil in her hair.
But he didn't even acknowledge your existence when he came over, the new girl.
That means you've done something to piss him off. Impressive. He never loses
his cool. Ever. I should know, we've practically known each other since the
cradle."
Johanna snorts at this, finally breaking her glare from his table. "He's a big
fat fake, that's what he is Delly. And don't deny it."
"He's really nice!" She protests. "Everyone loves him."
"That means shit Delly. He just knows how to fool everyone."
But Delly chin is set and she shakes her head, pulling away from her
girlfriend. "I know better Johanna, you can't tell me any different." The table
becomes uncomfortable since no one is willing to break the couples glaring
contest. Darius mutters "girls", and digs out a science fiction book, burying
his nose into it while Annie pulls out her phone and starts texting, leaving me
on my own.
"So tell me who are those girls over there," I say attempting to break the
tense silence.
Delly visibly softens and she licks her lips before breaking eye contact with
Johanna, leaning in again. "Well that's Clove, Glimmer, Cashmere and Enobaria.
They are as terrible as their names are. I think we can all agree on that."
Johanna's mouth twitches into a smile and she leans her head against her
girlfriend's shoulder. A silent apology. The rest of the lunch is uneventful as
she finishes her school gossip and we move on to better topics like what I
should expect from this town, newsflash it's boring, and the best places to get
a burger. I also silently make a note to myself not to ever mention Peeta in
their company, not that it will be a hard thing to do. I don't intend for him
to consume any part of my life.
The bell rings indicating lunch and we all get up, packing our things except
Darius who is still engrossed in his book, and completely zone out about what’s
happening in the world around him.
"Now I expect you all to be at the first pep rally and football game on Friday.
This means you too Darius," says Delly, pulling his book away so he could pay
attention to her.
"But Delly..."
"No butts, I don't care if you all hate school spirit and football. You are
cheering me on okay? This includes you too Katniss. I can see it, you a dark
cloud who avoids all things school related, but I don't care. At least it will
give you all an opportunity to make fun of everyone at once."
Johanna shrugs indifferently when I look at her for support. "Hey if I don't
go, I don't get laid so I gotta go."
Delly is right, I have never participated in any school activities in my life.
And the idea of being trapped with all the students around me being happy about
a stupid game sounds more like a device for torture. But I see her stubborn
face, she is determined and the others are looking at me expectantly to say
yes. Since I just met these people, they seem kind of cool, and most
importantly don't mind my surly attitude I might as well go. Anyway Prim will
be excited that I’m actually participating in something.
"Sure, whatever," I answer shrugging my shoulders.
"That's the spirit Everdeen! You get to see my girlfriend shake her tits.
Believe me she does it better than anybody on that squad. Because hers are the
biggest. A guaranteed good time." Delly blushes at her girlfriend’s compliment
and shakes her head enthusiastically in agreement. These people are so weird.
I'm just throwing my leftovers into the trash when I feel a big hand go up my
skirt and grab my ass handly. I would like to say I turned around fast and
punched the person in the face but I'm frozen, suddenly turning hot and clammy,
clutching my stupid trash like it could transport me away. I want to throw up
and I have to shake my head so I won't go ‘there'.
"Damn I knew your ass would be find under that skirt," was a very familiar and
unpleasant voice panting in my ear.
"Leave her alone Marvel!" I finally turn my head to see Delly with her small
hands push him hard in the chest and he stumbles back. But he just laughs and
takes a step back, his friend Cato chuckles behind him. We've gathered a few
curious lookers and I'm reminded why I like to be alone at lunch. I hate myself
even more for seeing if Peeta is watching, and I find him at the doorway, fists
clutched at this sides. I feel like he wants to intervene again but I shake my
head imperceptibly, and I see his mouth tighten, before he walks out, his
buddies following him.
"What Delly you don't want a three-way? I would ask that crazy bitch of yours
too but, well, she's crazy." With that Johanna throws the rest of her apple at
him and it hits him right smack in the the middle of the forehead, causing a
lot of oooh's. He just laughs and walks away unbothered when we hear, "Johanna!
Principal's office now!," coming from Sister Alma. I hate that woman, she
obviously saw what happened. Johanna just gives a dramatic bow before following
the sister.
"Come on Katniss, let's go to class," Delly says linking her arm with mine, her
head held high while Annie and Darius stand on either side of us. My slow brain
starts to work again and we walk out of the lunch room. I think the days of me
sitting by myself are over whether I like it or not.
I rush back to my locker I and I try to catch my breath while struggling to
work the combo. I look over and see a huge dent in the locker next to mine that
wasn’t there before, Peeta’s locker. My heart beats a little faster but I shake
my head, telling myself I must have just not noticed it before now, so I pull
my books out and hurry to my next class, adding one more thing on my list of
crappy things to forget.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks always to by beta demona424. Peeta and Katniss' lives will get
     more entwined here on out! I look forward to reading your comments. :
     ) Please follow me on tumblr at dianaflynn22!
***** Load up on guns, bring your friends *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
I thought I could make it at least two weeks before being sent to the
principal's office. One damn day where people weren't watching me make the walk
of shame out of a classroom, but that of course is not how my life goes. I've
never been that lucky. Even before I got into trouble in my last school I had
to live with a bad reputation, although I rarely did anything to deserve it.
I couldn't get over what happened in the cafeteria, my thoughts dragging me
into a dark place I desperately wanted to leave so I ended up taking a moment
to have a smoke. When I finally got to class almost everybody was already
there. But they weren't the fidgeting students you would expect. There was an
unease to the class I didn't feel in any of the others. Everyone in there was
completely silent, scared even.Then I looked to the front and I could see why.
The sister behind the desk looked like she had the wrath of god, full of anger
and fury. She watched everyone file in with a sharp eye, her expression saying,
"Don't fuck with me today." My eyes said, "I don't care."
Since I'm late to class of course there is only one desk left, up in the very
front, next to the person I would least like to sit next to - Peeta Mellark.
I've been trying my best to be at the furthest spot from him at all times, but
my luck has run out. Even as I hope he doesn't pay any attention to me I can't
help but slide my eyes towards him. He's bent forward his arm protectively
around a piece of paper he's furiously sketching on, completely engrossed in
his work. I inwardly groan as I walk up to the front, feeling 30 pairs of eyes
following me, including the teacher. It's not until I plop my backpack on my
desk does he turn up from whatever he's doodling, stuffing it into his binder
and looking up at me. His smile is wide and easy, the same one I've seen him
give everyone.
"So we meet again. How's your day going Katniss?" He asks as I slide into my
desk.
"Fine," I say dragging out my textbook, trying not to look at him.
He chuckles next to me. "I think the proper way to reply is 'Fine. And how was
your day Peeta? Which I would respond with, 'Great except for the fact the new
girl hasn't been nice to me despite my best efforts'."
"It's not my job to be nice to you Peeta Mellark. So Fuck - the - hell - off."
I say slowly and clearly so he understands me.
His jaw tightens and his eyes turn cold, which I would be pleased about except
for the body which is suddenly looming over me. I look up to see the white and
red blotchy face of my teacher.
"Katniss Everdeen. The Reverend Mother said to give you a chance, but I can
already see you are one to keep an eye out. Being so late is unacceptable and
so is using foul language. Principal's office, after my class. I am not giving
you the satisfaction of skipping out of a lesson. You need it." Sister Alma's
harsh tone left no room for argument, I wouldn't have bothered a reply anyway.
She hasn't liked me since the first day of class, despite the fact I've been
able to answer all her questions correctly. And I know this will not change for
the rest of the year. I can feel my face turn red at the "ooohs" echoing in the
classroom at her words. I can't even look at Peeta, I'm so mad, but I'm sure he
would have a smug face if he wasn't so busy looking like the perfect student.
The nun gets the students to focus on her and thus proceeds a long drawn-out
hour of torture that is calculus. Once the final bell rings, I pick up my
things, not looking at anybody as I leave the class first. I'm so pissed
because I was supposed to head to the damn principal's office anyway after my
last class. But because of what happened with Peeta, now it appears to
everyone, including him, that it's because I'm in trouble. The stern looking
secretary obviously must have been communicated what I've done because she just
gives me a disapproving look over her glasses and orders me to sit on a chair
before I am able to say anything. I take that time to text Prim that I hope she
has a safe trip home, then I spend the rest of the time just staring at the
carpet pattern, ready to get this over.
"The Reverend Mother will see you now," I hear after a few minutes as she
points a severe finger towards the principal's door.
I push the door open, and take a deep breath before I step in, ready for her to
lay into me. But to my surprise, the woman sitting behind her large desk who
looks up from a pile of papers on her desk is smiling almost serenely as usual.
"Ahh Katniss, please sit, we have some things to discuss." She turns to her
computer and types something furiously, no longer acknowledging I am there when
I slide in a chair on the other side of her large battered oak desk. I try not
to fidget as she presses return in satisfaction before returning to me and
clasps her hands in front of her.
"So I've seen you've already had a run in with Sister Alma?" she says, an
eyebrow lifted at me.
I just nod my head, not ready to implicate myself any further.
"Katniss I need you to not throw those expletives around school. A Catholic
school may I remind you. It's been reported that you've been using those words
rather profusely. Now I know with the people you've been around recently that
has been the norm, but you are no longer there and you have to abide by our
rules. Got it?"
"Yes Reverend Mother," I answer hanging my head.
"Good. Since I'm already forcing you to stay after school I am letting you off
with a only verbal warning. But I better not hear that you've used those words
again." She takes a deep breath, like she got that over with before leaning
towards me. "But between you and me, it was bound to happen. Sister Alma has
her knickers in a twist, not that it's proper of me to say it. So please keep
that in mind when dealing with her because she will not be easy on you."
I fight my smile as I nod my head. I hate to admit it, but she's not bad, in
fact she is kind of okay.
"Okay, let's get you to work!"
I don't get out of Mother Sae's office until late, like almost time for dinner
late. She had made some tea and served me some indescribable stew of her own
invention while I become the reluctant listener to the plans of a garden she is
planting. I've lived in a city all my life. What do I care about stupid herbs?
I'm grumbling to myself, not ready to make the long trek home on foot when I
hear them. I look up to see the football players all leaving the locker room,
apparently happy with themselves for beating their heads against each other all
afternoon. God I can't stand them. Peeta is getting into an open black Jeep
Wrangler Limited. It makes me irrationally mad, because that has always been my
dream car, something I can never hope of owning. But there he laughing at
something a teammate is yelling at him as he jumps in. And then I see the idiot
I currently hate the most - Marvel. He reminds me of a hyena - mindless
viciousness with an awful teeth-grinding laugh. He gets into a red BMW, which I
can only assume that his daddy gave him.
Clove is just about to pop into the passenger side and sees me, a vicious smile
curling on her face before she bends down to say something to Marvel. His head
pops out and he yells out, "Stop staring at us weirdo! I wouldn't touch you if
you paid me!" before they both start cackling. I wish I could say I gave back a
witty retort, but they are hopping into his car and tearing out of the parking
lot before any words can form. I realize I do must look like a weirdo just
standing there, my hair wild around my dark face, clutching the straps of my
ragged backpack as their expensive cars pull out the lot so I take a shaky
breath and start walking again, my brain black with rage. And my feet have a
purpose which is not towards home. It's towards the gym.
I pull on the door of the boys locker room and it gives just a small squeak of
it's hinges. I look around one more time before I squeeze in and shut the door
silently. The rational part of my brain that says what I'm doing is stupid is
too small compared to the thunder of anger in my head. All I see are two
distinct faces and I need to do something, anything to make them go away.
My nose twists at the very strong smell of boy musk and sweat that has invaded
the room for years, warning that this is an absolutely no girls zone. But I
walk in deeper, reading the names on each of the lockers. Conveniently the two
I am looking for are right next to each other - Richard "Marvel" Thomson and
Peeta Mellark. I quickly look around before I put my ear to Marvel's locker and
hear the click of the combination numbers, coming out triumphant when it opens.
I stare at his football gear hanging there a moment, deciding what I want to do
and can only think of one truly disgusting act that would match how he made me
feel. So I pull off my panties, hang it on my shoulder and prepare to pee in
his helmet.
"What the fuck am I doing?" My words ring out in the empty locker room. I'm
just positioning the helmet under me, my shirt clutched in my other hand, when
sense smacks me in the back of the head. I'm not some juvenile jock. That is
not who I am, a person who fucking pees in a helmet. There has to be another,
more mature way to get back at Marvel. As for Peeta, I just have to block him
from getting underneath my skin, people would think I was crazy if they knew
how much he bothers me when he's done nothing. Not really. Ugh, I want to be
juvenile.
I regretfully put the helmet back and just click it closed when I hear the door
open. Shit. The janitor. Luckily there is no direct view of the locker from the
main door, so I quietly as possible head towards the back, hoping there is a
door back there or I can make a loop around to sneak around the person. But
that tread I hear coming my way, it's a certain heavy gait that tethers me to
the ground. I know the sound of the feet causing that thump on the floor. And I
hate that I know exactly who it is. Peeta.
I listen intently and hear a locker being opened so I figure he must have
forgotten something. I turn back where I came from and cautiously peep my head
around the locker to see if I can snek behind him, but it's not his locker he's
opening. It's Marvel's. And I'm stunned as I see him about to do exactly what I
had almost done not 2 minutes before, pull out Marvel's helmet. There is the
distinct sound of a zipper being pulled down before I see IT. I don't want to
stare at him but I have a perfect view and my eyes are locked wide open on him.
From what I can see, he has absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. But Peeta
doesn't stop himself like I did, he's doing what I decided was too juvenile to
do, pissing into Marvel's helmet. The prick just has to whip it out, piss and
be done. He starts tucking himself back into his pants breaking me out of my
trance. Fuck, it's so much easier for a boy.
"Ha! I knew you weren't that perfect. I knew you were faking it!" I clamp my
hand over my mouth, but it's too late, the accusatory words seeming to bounce
off of every metal locker. Peeta's head snaps towards my direction as I lean
against a locker, hoping fruitlessly to disappear.
"Katinss? Is that you?" He queries, almost taunts, as the zipper goes up and
the locker is snap shut. That tiny note in his voice gets to me. That small
cadence that is just ready to mock me, and it is what I need to push down my
mortification and tap into my anger. So I walk around the corner, wagging my
finger like one of the old nuns.
"What the hell are you doing Peeta? Pissing in your teammate's helmet? I knew
this whole thing you have going is a lie! I knew you are not the perfect Mr.
Goody Two-Shoes you are pretending to be!"
I'm satisfied to see Peeta's ears getting red. From anger or embarrassment I'm
not sure because he is so good at hiding his facial expressions, but getting a
physical reaction out him is so satisfying. Then there is something in his
eyes, that makes me step back, but at the same time it's directly tethered
below my abdomen where I don’t want it to be. My fingers fidget by my sides,
itchy and sweaty.
“I have my reasons which is no business of yours. And what are you doing in the
boys locker room Katniss Everdeen?” He says taking a step forward. He looks
like he is fresh from a shower, his curly hair slicked back from the water
except for one rebel curl dangling down his forehead. I notice beads of
moisture gathering at the dip of his collarbone. And the the smell of
peppermint soap mixes pleasantly with his own natural musk, and I want to lean
in closer, but instead I twist my nose out of disgust, mostly at myself for
noticing so many of these details.
“None of your business Peeta Mellark,” I answer emphasizing every syllable of
his name. He steps closer and my back hits a locker behind me as I step back
again. His hand reaches for me and I freeze in anticipation. And to my horror
he picks what I forgot was on my shoulder.
“Well obviously up to no good if you don’t have these on,” he says dangling my
panties in front of my face. I try to snatch it back but he lifts his hand
above my head and out of my reach, as if he's holding onto what is left of the
shreds of dignity. “Well Katniss, what are you doing in the boys locker room?”
“I told you it was none of your business,” I answer through clenched teeth. I'm
debating if I can be quick enough to snatch my panties back, but he seems to be
two steps ahead of me because he stuffs it in his back pocket, a challenge in
his eye for me to take it. Well shit.
Well I'm not playing that game. This room is too small, too hot. I push past
Peeta and he puts his hand on my shoulder to stop me, but I turn and shake him
off, knowing my eyes look more frightened than the angry glare I'd rather have.
I’m surprised he gives up so easily, hands up in surrender, and his eyes almost
apologetic. I turn away from him and push through the door. He jogs up next to
me, easily keeping up.
“Why don't I take a guess about what you were up to in there Katniss," he says
as we burst out of the building. I try to ignore him, and my panties in his
pocket as I head out of school as quickly as my short legs allow. "You know I’m
betting you had the same agenda as me. Some revenge on Marvel via your own pee
techniques. Probably my name was next on your shit list?” I halt and turn to
him surprised he guessed.
“How did you… I mean…” I stumble.
“You and me, we look worlds apart, but we are not so different from each
other.” He gently takes the tip of my braid between his fingers so as not to
touch me, and leans close enough so I can feel his breath brush my ear. “I see
it in you. We’ve both learned the hard way that people don’t deserve to know
what we really are inside.”
“You don’t know anything about me Peeta,” I stammer out, shaken by his words
and the proximity of his body. He just shrugs.
“I can be your friend if you want it,” he says simply. And I’m surprised at the
surprising softness that has entered his voice.
I don’t even know what to say to him but then I get a reprieve in the name of
Mother Sae.
“Oh Katniss and Peeta you both are still here. It’s getting late children, you
should be home by now!”
It's amazing seeing that switch turn on. Peeta is right back to the boy scout,
hand behind his back, and pleasing smile on in face.
“Oh don’t worry Mother, we are heading home right now. I was just about to give
Katniss a ride.” I can feel my neck crack sharply at how fast I turn my head in
his direction. I agreed to no such thing, because no good can come from being
in an enclosed space with him.
“Oh good, I was worried about Katniss going home alone on the bus so late in
the evening. Can you do me a favor and take her home every night? I don't like
her wandering the streets with who knows what is out there.” She smiles so
sweetly at me, I can’t shake my head in a firm and complete no, as much as I
want to. She knows it is no use telling her that Panem is a small Washington
town and everyone is in their homes by 8 pm, nothing is going to happen to me
besides a long boring trip home.
“Of course I can Mother, it would be my pleasure,” he answers, hands tucked in
his pockets, practically bouncing on his toes as he looks like some sort of
50’s teen idol.
“Well isn’t this fortunate Katniss? And Peeta you are such a good boy. I wish I
could make carbon copies of you.” I just nod my head numbly at this sweet lady.
I snap back at every single person, including my sister, but this woman with
her crinkled bright eyes somehow makes me stop, full of steel and warmth all at
once.
So I find myself walking to his car, Mother Sae watching us and I don’t know
how I feel right now. Angry, nervous, out of control, confused; including a
multiple other emotions that has me shutting down as he opens the door for me
to his brand new Jeep Wrangler and closes it like a gentleman. To my relief and
surprise he doesn’t try to make conversation, but I feel his smile may be a
little too smug as he gives me a side-glance.
The silence continues in the car and as it stretches I become more anxious, but
I am too stubborn to break it. I can see his eye sliding on my knee as it
starts bouncing, but he seems to be opposite of me, content with the silence
not even turning on the radio, which kind of pisses me off. But we are minutes
from my house when he finally, to my surprise, speaks up.
“You're not one for idle chit chat are you,” he says with with a chuckle. Where
I am tense and nervous, he is the opposite of me right now, relaxed and at
ease. Obviously the one in control of the situation. “God why is it so
difficult to talk to you? You're the most difficult person who I've ever had to
deal with.”
“And what do I owe you Peeta Mellark? I don’t need to kiss your ass like
everyone else does.” I snap back, barely admitting to myself that it hurt that
Mr. Congeniality finds that I'm "hard to deal with" when he seems to get along
so easily with everyone else.
“Well maybe if you chipped down some of that wall of yours maybe…” he starts to
say as he pulls into my driveway.
“Your one to talk,” I interrupt, done with conversation and frustrated with how
it escalated so quickly. “You have a wall of false perfection around you. At
least mine is honest.”
“Bullshit. There is nothing honest with the way you act around people. Don’t
think I’m blind,” he snaps back. His face blotchy, his voice low and rough
tells me this, trying to control his emotions. I am the opposite of him, never
holding back, and I’m ready to just let loose on him, but I opt to just get the
hell out of the car, struggling to get off my seatbelt.
"Look Katniss, don’t leave yet,” he pleads and I stop with my hand on the
handle, not understanding what hold he has on me that I haven’t run away yet
like I usually do. “Katniss I.. I'm sorry you got in trouble with Sister Alma
early today. I hope Mother Sae didn't come down too hard on you." I study him
carefully, a little whiplashed at the unexpected apology. He frustrates me and
intrigues me, but right now he's biting his lip as he looks down at me
expectantly, almost anxiously. I want to give a snarky comment back, but I just
don't have the heart when he looks so uneasy.
"I'm fine. Whatever. I've been through worse," I finally say relenting, my
anger reluctantly waning.
"Good," he says, visibly relaxing. "Well don't let assholes like Alma and me
get you in trouble."
"So you are admitting you’re an asshole then? I thought good boys like you
couldn't be assholes." He bends forward and so close I find myself leaning
towards him too.
"Shh...nobody else knows that. So let my secret asshole status be between us
okay?" He gives me a wink and a smirk that I've never seen before and it’s
decidedly wicked. I pull back not liking one bit the way the heat travels
through my body starting from my center and how my legs tighten together, all
because of that smirk.
"Don't worry I wouldn't want to soil your reputation," I bite back. His smile
wavers a bit before it is stronger than ever.
“And I won’t tell anyone you were in the boys locker room tonight,” he replies
simply.
Was that a threat or a promise? I shake my head and click open the door. “Good,
otherwise you never know what I have up my sleeve when it comes to you.”
“Looking forward to it Everdeen,” he says, and a smile quirks my lip
reluctantly. So I just shake my head at him, before closing the door behind me
and running for the house, afraid to look back.
It’s not until I’m lying in bed hours later, my sister’s soft breaths in the
bed next to me that I realize I forgot to ask him why he needed to piss in
Marvel's helmet. And how the hell did he know where my house was? And fuck, how
am I ever going to get back my underwear?
____________________
 
"So how was your day Little Duck?"
"Katniss, don't call me that in school," Prim says rolling her eyes as she
looks up from the books she’s neatly spread out on the coffee table. Rory is
completely passed out on the couch behind her, drool glistening at the edge of
his open mouth.
"Whatever, can you just answer the question?" I say impatiently through gritted
teeth.
She gives me a shy smile as she shrugs her shoulder. "It was pretty cool. I met
this girl named Rue who already wants to be my study partner. We are going to
meet tomorrow after school and talk about our first assignment. Would that be
ok?"
"Sure thing Prim," I answer emphasizing her name while scruffing up her hair.
She rolls her eyes but a smile is there too. "I would like to meet her tomorrow
so I can put a face to a name though."
"Okay Katniss!” she pauses then adds hesitantly. “Oh and I saw Peeta, he was
real nice and said hello to me even though he was hanging out with all his
friends. I think that kind of gave me cred. Entering school that first day, I
was kinda scared but his smile was so friendly it made me feel loads better.
I’m already liking it here. Well except for the whole prayer at homeroom
thing." She sticks out her tongue and I give a little chuckle.
"Well I'm glad." I look around to see if anybody will hear us but Rory is
snoring softly, the clanking in the kitchen indicates where Hazelle is, and the
other two kids are playing out back. I'm sure our mother is lying down in her
room, since that's where she always seems to be when she's not working.
I’ve tried to push it down but I feel like it’s time to get some guilt that's
been weighing heavily on me off my chest.
"Prim I'm sorry you had to move because of me and change your whole life. I
don't know if I've told you yet, but thank you.. you know... for being there
for me and all," I say softly.
Prim stands up quickly and takes my hand, squeezing it while giving me one of
her sweet smiles.
"Of course! You're my big sister. Besides you've been there for me, you know,
with dad, and everything. I don't know if I could have gotten through it
without you.” She bites her lip, a clear indication she is worried about the
next thing she is going to say. “So how about you? How do you like our new
school?" I just shrug, but I can feel a corner pull at the side of my face.
"It's going alright. I met some cool people too. Now don’t look surprised that
I can actually make some friends.” Prim’s eyebrows are almost hidden in her
forehead that I am actually talking to people.
“Maybe I should meet them to make sure they're alright.” I can’t help but scowl
at this statement but her eyes tell me she is completely serious.
"What do you mean by that?"
"It just means that I have more cause to worry about you than the other way
around." Our light conversation has suddenly been sucked away just like that.
The smile is gone from her face as she challenges me with a rare stare down.
She’s grown up so much since I was gone, and now I am just realizing the trust
went along with it.
“Hey is dinner ready?” We both turn around to see a sleepy Rory rubbing his
eyes, completely oblivious to the tension in the room.
“I’m going out,” I say turning on my heel.
“But you just got home, Katniss please…” but I don’t hear the rest as I rush
out. I just blindly walk as far away from that house as I can.
I don't care what direction I go as I wander around the small damp lifeless
town, just as long as it’s as far away from that house as possible. Sometimes I
wish I could just keep on going and never come back. Nobody would miss me,
including Prim. Maybe they would even be relieved. When I finally start paying
attention to my surroundings, I find myself at a small park surrounded by large
grand houses. A few people are out letting their purebred dogs run around them,
but nobody is paying attention to the sullen girl walking past.
I curl up on a bench, putting my chin on my knees and stare at nothing, trying
to feel nothing. A Jaguar pulls up to one of the ivy covered brick houses. A
stocky man steps out, opening the trunk to pull out a luggage bag. There is
something familiar about him that has me taking notice. The door to his house,
actually more like mansion, opens spilling out a warm light. Peeta comes out,
bounding down the steps, looking neat in slacks and a crew neck sweater and the
light reflecting on his hair like a halo. Of course the man looked familiar,
he's an older version of his son. Peeta's smile beams all the way to where I am
sitting as he embraces his father in a hug. It is such a pure radiating smile
of happiness it makes me reconsider what I thought about him. Maybe I'm just
too ruined to see the good in people anymore, I'm just looking for something
not there.
They walk back in, his father’s arm around his son, closing the door and taking
the warmth with them. I fold my body tight on the bench and go back to staring
at nothing. But this time my brain can't stop thinking of Peeta, of all he has.
He's never had to fight for anything in his life. He's never had to keep a
family afloat after his father's death, or watch his mother whither away. He
never went to juvenile hall for stabbing a teacher. I want to hold on to the
hate I felt earlier towards him, but all I feel is old and tired. I get up and
walk away, not sure where I'm going next.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks to everyone who gave great comments last chapter. I appreciate
     your involvement and I hope you keep liking where this story goes.
     And I promise it heats up from here on out. FYI, the chapters names
     are mostly meaningless, pulled from 90's music lyrics. Come find me
     on tumblr: dianaflynn22.
***** I Got a Bullet Proof Heart *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Hey Katniss! Katniss can I ask you something?"
I turn around to find a gangly pimple faced boy jogging up to me.
"What do you want," I ask, protectively clutching my books closer to my chest.
He stops uncomfortably close to me and I shift as far as possible away from
him.
He sheepishly smiles, sweeping his shaggy hair out of his eyes. "I just wanted
to know if...if you'd go on a date with me." My mouth just hangs open for a
moment before he continues. "That is if you don't stab me on the date." He then
starts laughing hysterically, bounding away to a group of guys who slap him on
the back proudly and give him high fives, their laughter echoing loudly in the
hallway.
There is no comeback worth it so I just flip them off before walking away,
trying not to show how much their cruelty bothers me. The taunts, the whispers,
the looks have been building over the week. My secret is now just the latest
gossip as it spreads from lips to ears over and over. I knew it was a matter of
time but I always held the small hope that maybe I would be left alone.
Fear is burning inside me that Prim is getting heat too but I wouldn’t know
because we are barely on speaking terms, both of us still hurt with more than
what was said that night. Lately our only communications have been the
occasional nod to each other when we pass by each other. And I haven’t had the
courage to break our stand off.
I want to just skip school and say fuck it but I made my sister a promise, the
only thing she's really asked of me. It seems like such a simple request. For
me to stick it out, finish school and graduate. Right now it feels impossible.
But even if I'm still mad at her, she is the only one who has stuck by me
through everything, who has had faith in me, so I intend to keep that promise.
So the only thing to do is to take a deep breath, hold my head up high and send
a scowl of warning to anyone who dares look at me.
"Shit Howdy Everdeen," I turn around to see Darius, loping towards me. He has a
goofy smile on his face, and bloodshot eyes, a clear sign he is already stoned.
Considering how this day is going, I'll have to ask him for some later.
"People can't stop talking about how you are some crazy 'delinquent.' It's
blowing up! Are you okay?" The last part was obviously an afterthought because
he seems to be having too much fun with all this, but I choose to ignore it and
get to my burning question.
“Have any of you been gossiping about what I told you?” My voice is a harsh
whisper as we make our way down the hall.
My tone doesn’t seem to bother him. He just swings an arm around me, which I
promptly step away from.
“Us. Nah. Not worth any of our time. Jo especially. And Delly may be flighty
but she is good people. Besides, it’s not like you told us like basically
anything. Especially all the juicy details like what everyone is talking about.
Did you really stab a teacher with scissors?”
Shit. I just nod my head yes, not wanting to talk about it. A lump heavy in my
throat that accurate details are out there. “So...are you guys still okay
hanging out with me?”
"Yeah, whatever. It's not like I have some crazy reputation to lose. And girls
think you are the shit. No way in hell are they losing someone interesting like
you in this boring ass town. So don't worry about it." I can feel my shoulders
loosen a bit at his direct statement. I’ve always been a loner, even before I
started getting in trouble so it surprises even me that I’m already getting
attached to these four people.
"Thanks Darius," I answer softly.
“Crazy Bitch!” echos down the hall towards me and it’s hard to keep my head up
when people around me snicker.
"Look in the damn mirror!" Darius yells back.
Darius follows me all the way to class. I try to tell him I’m okay but he waves
me off, saying it’s in his direction as well. Somehow I think it’s not.
“It’s okay Darius, really,” I try to tell him, but he insists and I’m glad he
does. Besides Prim, it’s been a long time since someone has willingly walked by
my side. And I hope he is right about the girls, it’s been just such a long
time since I’ve had friends. And none who have stuck by me.
When we get to my class, he smiles proudly like he’s gotten us through a war
zone safely and it pulls a small smile on my own face.
“Here,” he says offering me a pack of bubble gum. “It's good for when I get all
twitchy and shit. Besides when someone really bothers you, you can throw it in
his hair and damn crap can get nasty!” I try not to but a small laugh escapes
my lips at the look of glee on his face and he genuinely looks like this is a
good idea.
“Alright Darius. I'll keep that in consideration,” I answer as I still struggle
with the smile on my face.
Just as I’m about to turn into class, Peeta pushes past us to get into class
and his shoulder hits Darius' hard enough to unbalance him a bit. Peeta mumbles
a curt apology in an oblivious Darius’ but I can’t help but notice that he
looks pissed about something. Not even once looking in my direction. I have no
time or energy to figure out what crawled up Mr. Sunshine’s cranky ass.
“So are you still up to the rally and game today?” He asks reminding me that
he’s still here.
“Oh, nah, I don’t think so. Jo and Delly will just have to live with the
disappointment.” Darius just shrugs, not fighting it and gives me a sympathetic
pat on the shoulder before he bounds off to his own class.
I turn into my classroom, taking in a deep sigh as I see all eyes turned on me,
all except one. Peeta is hunched over his pad again, sketching furiously like
it’s the most important thing in the world. I on the other hand might as well
not exist, he doesn't even glance my way. I am not surprised. Now that the word
is out I doubt Mr. Perfect would want to be caught even looking my way.
I predict our car rides will be super fun now, in the not at all way. If he
even still wants to offer me a ride, which pretty doubtful at this point. As it
is, considering my continual silence the three times he has dropped me home has
been awkward at best. This is a perfect opportunity for him to say the
experiment is over and finally excuse himself from my life. Maybe my secrets
coming out is a good thing if I don’t have to be in the close proximity of
Peeta anymore.
I head to the back of the class again and have barely settled into my seat when
the teacher comes in and tells me to report to the principal's office
immediately. More stares, whispers and scornful laughter follow me as I try and
keep me expression as still as stone. This is going to be a long year if this
morning is any indication.
It’s not surprising that my guard is up when I enter Mother Sae’s office.
During the day I’ve seen scorn, mockery, disgust, and at the best pity. I don’t
expect to find any better with her so when I’m met with a soft expression of
understanding and affection, it nearly brings me to tears. And it’s exactly
what I don’t want or need. So I clutch my satchel and try to contain my
emotions as best as I can, but I don’t feel like I’m fooling her.
She doesn’t try to push me though. All she wanted to do is apologize for the
rumors going around. I know she means well but I wish she had waited to tell me
this after school during our usual meeting. She is trying to assure me that the
teachers know of the situation and will try to diffuse it. That's a big fat
joke. When have teachers ever been able to help us from tormenting each other.
I don't look up at her the entire time she talks, just nodding my head because
I just can’t see the ‘sorry’ in her eyes. Sorrys don't help. Sorrys never
stopped the shit that's happened in my life.
The rest of the morning drags slowly, the taunts bounce off me, an old broken
record I’ve had to endure before. Once the lunch bell rings, with quick
desperate steps I head to that dark corner I found when I first got here, a
safe haven between a wall and a shed. I throw down my messenger bag and nestle
against the wall, immediately starting to light a cigarette. I'm practically
shaking thinking of having one. The hell with stopping for my health.
A shadow crosses over my hand just as my lighter finally has a flickering
flame. “If you are asking me to go to the rally, it’s not happening. I’m not in
the mood right now Johanna for hero worship,” I say around my cigarette, not
looking up as I see it’s tip start to glow.
“Well I didn’t know you considered me a hero, Everdeen so I’m blushing.” My
neck practically cracks as I whip my head up to see Peeta standing over me. How
did I not realize with those elephant steps of his that it was him approaching?
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask, trying not to cringe at the octave
my voice goes up. He just shakes his head at me as he manages to wedge himself
in the tight spot next to me. I almost want to laugh at the absurdity of his
muscular body folding up in the small awkward space.
“Seriously, what the hell do you want?” I ask again. Still ignoring my
questions he plucks my cigarette from my mouth and tosses it to the side.
“Those make you smell like shit and can kill you,” he answers matter of factly.
“Well fuck you. What ever made you think I’d listen to you? We’re not even
friends. Don’t you have a stupid rally to go to instead of bothering me?” My
sanctuary feels like a trap and I just want out of here but he’s blocking my
escape route, and by the way he spreads his legs out, he knows it.
“Yes, in fact I do have a ‘stupid rally’ to go to, right now actually. But I
have more important business at the moment.” He looks too cocky for his own
good right now, like he’s holding a secret and it’s pissing me the fuck off.
“And what is this important business?” I start pulling out another cigarette
but he takes the box and stuffs it in his back pocket.
“Making sure that beautiful scowl of yours is there at the rally.”
A weird noise between a laugh and a scoff comes out of my throat, which makes
him smile, almost fondly and I want to smack it off his face.
“And why the hell is that? You don’t really care if I’m there do you?”
“Well what if I do care,” he argues, looking defiant. I shake my head in
disbelief, at this point it’s just insulting that he would lie so boldly to my
face.
“You can’t tell me that you care and ever expect me to believe you. Boys like
you don’t give a shit.” My voice is shaking with anger now. I hate that in the
short time we’ve known each other he just gets under my skin in a way no other
person can.
His eyes darken with contained anger and he leans into me. “And what sort of
boy do you think I am?” He asks gruffly.
So I open my mouth and tell him, and once I start I can’t stop. “You are that
popular boy! The one who can’t be seen in any other way except perfect. You are
all about how others see you, not about how you really are on the inside. If I
said hello to you in the hallway you may barely acknowledge me but you would
call me freak behind my back. I’ve seen your type over and over again. Every
one worse than the last. So don’t tell me you actually care. Don’t you dare.
Because I learned the hard way that people never do.
For once he’s stunned speechless as he clearly searches for any words, just
staring at me, mouth agape. Well if I didn’t discourage him before to leave me
alone, this will certainly do it.
“Katniss…” he starts, but I don’t want to hear whatever excuse will come out of
his mouth. So I mumble ‘fuck this’ and start climbing over him. In my rush to
get over his body, I stumble and he grips my arms while my hand lands on his
chest. I feel frozen in the moment as I stare into his sparkling ocean blue
eyes, my entire arm throbs from the beat of his heart that pulses in my palm. I
watch in fascination as the blue of his eyes shrink back, making room for the
dark pool of his pupils. And then it’s not only my arm that is throbbing. I
realize my right leg is nestled between his two very thick thighs, and there is
something else there that I feel that’s hard and...growing, and my thigh
instinctively leans against it.
Peeta licks his lips as he stares up at me and then I do something which I know
is a colossal mistake. I bend down and kiss him. No thoughts go into my
actions, for the first time in my life pure instinct takes over. I crush my
lips to his soft pliant ones, his mouth ready and parted for mine. It’s a heady
sensation feeling his thick tongue gently jut into mine, my own mouth opening
wider to accept it. For a blissful moment it feels like my lips were always
meant to collide against his. We draw out moans and sighs from each other, I
feel his heart thunder even harder under my palm and my spine tingles from the
tug of his fingers threading into my hair. For once my brain is quiet and I
just float.
“Katniss…” Peeta groans, a sound so needy and desperate I crash back to earth
to the very real situation I’m in. I pull back, and push him hard, feeling a
brush of air from him as he let’s out an ‘oof’. I free myself with a jerk, but
fall on my ass in the process on his other side. I stand up quickly, brushing
back the hair that had fallen over my face, trying to ignore how red my cheeks
feel at the moment or the fierce tingle on my lips. Peeta looks up at me
stunned but lets out a chuckle of disbelief while I gather up the shreds up my
dignity. I can’t even begin to blame him for what just happened, how much I may
want to.
“That is not happening again. You just stay the hell away from me Peeta
Mellark,” I finally manage to say, before spinning on my heels to walk away.
“Hey Katniss, you forgot your bag.” He calls out behind me. I close my eyes for
a moment, trying to center myself before I turn around again and take a firm
grip on the handle from his proffered hand. He does not let go though, in fact
his grip tightens and I am pulled a little closer to him.
“You should really come to the rally and game Katniss. Don’t hide,” he says
with surprising sincerity. “And you don’t know as much about me as you think
you do.” My only response is to yank my bag from him and
walk away, resisting the urge to look back to see his reaction, repeating to
myself that he is not to be trusted.
“And if you come to the game, I’ll give you back your panties!” He yells out. I
stop for a moment before stomping on. I. HATE. HIM.
 
________________
My intention was to finish my lunch hideout in a quiet corner of the library
but to get there I have to walk past what I consider to be the mouth of hell,
the high school pep rally. Exactly where I don’t want to be. It's being held in
the open concrete amphitheatre which of course amplifies the excited screams to
an obnoxious degree, a physical barrier that feels like it’s actually pushing
me back from walking forward. I survey the area, trying to find the right path
through the people laughing and screaming at two boys running around in
cheerleading outfits. Just as I steel myself to walk through I feel a hand on
my shoulder and turn around to see Jo smirking at me.
“Well it’s about time you showed up Brainless. And I am so ignoring that look
that says you were just about to hightail it out of here.”
She proceeds to grab the back of my shirt and drag me around like I'm her
puppet until she finds Darius and Annie hanging out under a shaded tree. They
greet me with their usually cheery if vague smiles indicating they probably
snuck some weed at some point. I plop down next to Annie and sit nervously for
a couple minutes. Eventually I find my muscles loosening as I realize that more
people are interested in what's going on in the amphitheater right now, and not
me.
On stage one boy trips the other, exposing his cheerleading spankies which say
"Go Wildcats" written across it. I start to chuckle, but more at Anne and
Darius who are in tears laughing at the antics, rather than what's happening on
stage. Obviously the "medicinal help" makes this lame skit comedic genius to
them. I scan the crowd and see my sister whispering and giggling with a mocha
skinned girl her age. This must be the girl Rue she was gushing about. It’s
good to see her happy and it lifts a weight off my chest, but I can’t help but
wonder how much my own issues are weighing her down. If I didn’t exist I could
see her being the most popular girl in school.
I'm starting to think it wasn't a bad idea that Peeta drove me out of my hiding
place. For the first time all day no one is looking at me, and I feel less
alone being around my new friends who by miracle seem to not care about my
past. I'm just starting to relax, my spine molding to the back of the tree,
when I feel a sudden prickle at the back of my neck. I look around, trying to
figure out what is making me so uneasy, and of course all the way at the front,
where the action is, I see his searing blue eyes directed on me.
While I had been distracted, Peeta had snuck into where the other football
players sat, to the right of the stage on the concrete steps. Each of them
greet him with lots of hand clasps and slaps on the back, obviously the popular
and respected guy in the group. I'm as far back as can be so my distance from
him should mean that I stand out as much as one corn in a maize field. But, no,
his gaze is as intense as a bright glimmer of light reflecting on a wave. I
close my eyes, and lean further into the tree trying not to remember how good
his lips felt on mine. ‘It meant nothing,’ I tell myself over and over again.
Jo nudges me, saying something about Delly being on stage so I open my eyes
again.They immediately tug towards his, but he is chatting with his teammate,
and I can't help but think I was just imagining earlier. I’m sure it meant
nothing to him either. I see the guys laugh at something he says and my stomach
clenches in fear. He’s probably making fun of me right now. But he doesn’t
point at me, and they don’t look over at where I’m sitting so I tell myself to
just calm the fuck down.
I try to ignore the boy as best as I can and attempt to focus on the stage
towards the cheerleading routine. I ignore his curly blonde hair, obviously run
through by his fingers, I ignore his proud chest fitting perfectly in his
jersey, and I ignore his easy smile that never wavers as the rally stretches
on. Obviously I'm failing, and I feel uneasiness settle in my chest because
I've always been able to shut things out. I have to keep reminding myself that
he is a fake, this is not a real person in front of me but just another person
who is ambitious, self-involved and wants to be popular. By the time the
cheerleaders finish their routine all the boys tongues are practically hanging
out, and Johanna has a smug satisfied smile on her face. Peeta bounds on stage
to cheers louder than ever before. He waves everyone off, almost bashfully
before taking the mic from the class announcer Cesar.
"Hey everyone, are you having fun?" His voice rings out and a resounding "yes"
is bounced back.
"Awesome. So I want to let you know that the first game of the season is
dedicated to some very amazing people at the school." He motions to some people
in the crowd and when they come on the stage and start waving I realize they
are not students from our school but kids with mental disabilities.
"Profits from the game will go The Aurelius School that is just down the street
from us."
"Yeah the Retard House!" A deep male voice rings out. It's hard not to
recognize it as Marvel's.
"What the hell did you just say?" Peeta's voice is so hard, so sharp like the
edge of a deadly blade, that practically all the school hushes down at once.
I've never seen anything like it and I find myself sitting up straighter. Even
Darius and Annie stop giggling and look sober.
"Who thinks making fun of others is cool?" He yells out, and the silence
pervades. One boy next to him whimpers. It’s a small sound that no one would
normally hear, but in the silence it ripples through the crowd, and my hand
twitches to comfort him. It almost feels like I’m a puppet master as I see
Peeta rub the boys back in the exact motion that I wanted to.
"Now, who thinks that calling another person a retard is bullying,” he
continues. “Let's do a thumbs down to that." Cheers erupt as everyone starts
waving their thumbs down, and then his smile returns. At this point, I’m
clinging on so tightly to resist any feelings for him, I don’t know why but I
don’t want to let it go, I just can’t. But seeing him smile at the special
needs kids next to him, I have to say he is actually being sincere, and it
makes it impossibly hard. I also have to admit that I am impressed by how he
can control the crowd. They absolutely love him. He has so much influence in
the school, I’m curious to know what it would be like to be on his bad side.
"So as, I was saying," he continues once the cheers die down, finishing his
planned speech on how the school will benefit from the game, and the other ways
that everyone can help. That easy smile is back on his face, obviously winning
over everyone. I can’t help but scoff at some girly screams that come out from
the crowd as he waves at the group before bouncing off stage with the kids. I
look over at Johanna who does the universal sign of “wanker,” causing me to
chuckle.
I’m shaking my head at her, and look back to the front, where I find his eyes
looking straight in my direction. A small smile plays on his lips and he makes
a small motion of what Johanna just did, indicating he just saw us. So I decide
to flip him off, causing him to clutch his heart dramatically before laughing.
His teammate nudges him and says something that causes him to turn away but I
see him still chuckling slightly. Asshole.
__________________________________
"I'm picking you up at 5pm. No arguments." I sigh as I tuck my cellphone away.
Jo will not take no for an answer about going to the football game. Even Sister
Sae let me free from helping her out so I could make the game. When she said
“I’ll see you there,” it almost felt like a demand. Although maybe it was her
own enthusiasm to go to the game, but I’m afraid to test it out. There goes my
flawless record of never attending a sports event.
I plod up the stairs to the Hawthorne house and open the door, throwing my bag
on the corner. But what I see before makes my heart stop. Prim is on the couch
crying softly as Rory has his arm around her.
"What did you do to her?" I say rushing towards him.
“I didn’t do anything!” he answered defensively putting his hands up in alarm.
My sister looks up at me with red eyes and for a moment I think she is just
going to continue the silent treatment, huff out of the room and lock me out of
the bedroom we share. But to my surprise she get’s up and hugs me tightly, her
head nestling in my shoulder.
“What’s wrong Little Duck” I ask gently stroking her silky bright blonde hair.
I give Rory a look which he understands to leave the room, and I guide her back
onto the couch.
“It’s Rue…” she manages to say wiping her eyes, and I try to hide my confusion.
I just saw them at the rally and they looked perfectly fine, more than fine.
I continue to stroke her hair as she pulls herself together. Her head is on my
shoulder in a way it hasn’t been since she was little and our lives were
simpler.
“Please tell me, what’s going on?” I plead and she lifts her head, her eyes
flashing with guilt.
“Rue’s mom found out about you getting in trouble. She doesn’t want us hanging
out with each other anymore.” I feel like the world has bottomed out for a
minute and I can’t breathe. I can’t seem to stop hurting my family and I don’t
know how to make it better.
Prim pulls back but grabs my hands, seeing the change in my demeanor. She yanks
at them insistently until I look into her sincere blue eyes.
“You have to know Katniss. I’ve been defending you when people say something.
I’m not ashamed of you. I think you are the bravest person in the world. I know
who you truly. Even if we do argue from time to time. So don’t worry about me.
I’m going to be ok.”
“Aren’t I supposed to be making you feel better?” I reasoned, shaking my head a
bit. She wipes her eyes and snuggles up to me again so I have to wrap my arm
around her small frame.
“I don’t want to fight anymore. Having you here with me makes me again makes me
feel better. Please don’t go away again.”
“Well I don’t intend to go back to juvie, that’s for sure,” I say stroking her
hair.
“You know what I mean Katniss,” she retorts. Her words are loaded, and I don’t
answer and she doesn’t expect one. But neither of us pulls away, which is
start.
Our moment is broken up when Posy and Vic come running into the living room,
arguing about some video game they are about to play. Rory comes behind, eyes
guilty for not being able to hold them back, but I give him a smile which
instantly relaxes him.
“Prim, are we still going to the game? It should be starting any minute now,”
he asks.
“Oh gosh, I am a mess. Hold on while I go upstairs. Katniss are you coming with
us?”
Resigned to the fact I can’t get away from it I tell her yes, and she lets out
a squee of happiness, and the joy lightens my heart.
She turns to go up to our bedroom but I grab her hand, stopping her.
“We’ll figure this out, okay. I’ll think of something. I’ll make it better.”
And my heart hurts with how much I want this to be true.
She gives me a bright and hopeful smile and squeezes my hand before running up
the stairs. I follow more slowly behind her, thoughts spinning in my head. With
relief I change out of my stupid uniform and into a black shirt, jeans, and my
trusty leather boots. That is the one thing I miss the most wearing my stupid
school uniform, it’s not being able to wear them, which I did, almost every
day. Prim is a whirlwind of clothes and makeup around me but stops when she
see’s what I’m wearing.
“Katniss aren’t you going to put on our school colors?” Her eyes are set with a
stubbornness that says she is more telling me than asking. Before I can even
answer she shakes her head in exasperation and rifles through her dresser until
she crows in triumph. She tosses a tank at my head that I easily catch. I turn
over the little fabric, royal blue with gold edging, the exact colors of our
high school.
“I’m not wearing this scrap of cloth.” I say not bothering to hide my look of
disgust.
She just rolls her eyes at me, and plops on her bed tiredly. “God forbid you
wear something that shows you have breasts. Just put it on so that we can go.”
I almost want to laugh at the stubborn look on her face, she looks so much like
me. It’s not worth pissing her off over a tank top when we’re on good terms
again, so I just give her my best scowl and turn around so that I can change my
top. I fix my braid, making it more intricate than I usually do, weaving my
hair from behind my left ear until it sweeps around the back of my head and
lays over my right shoulder. I assess at myself in the mirror having full
knowledge I don’t look pretty compared to the popular girls in the school. And
despite feeling exposed on top, I feel like I look like myself for the very
first time in ages.
“Now was that so terrible? Look, you even have boobs, who knew?” My sister
teases, standing behind me, and wrapping her arms around my shoulders, as we
both look at me in the mirror.
“Well let’s get this over with then,” I answer rolling my eyes. It is amazing
this is the same girl that was crying so hard not an hour ago. I’ve always
admired her ability to pick herself and remain positive no matter what.
Hazelle pops her head in the room to let us know the game was starting soon, so
we hustle out of the house on the urgent insistence of my sister. Too soon we
were all piling into Hazelle’s minivan. All. Of. Us. After Vic and Poppy whined
that they wanted to go to the game too it becomes a “family trip.” It’s a
cheerful group and I find myself smiling at the family antics despite myself. I
definitely won’t be winning any popularity contests rolling up in the beat up
old Dodge caravan with the Hawthorne clan, but when did I ever care to win one?
Besides, it’s actually kind of nice.
When we get there, the sound of screaming voices in the field is overwhelming,
a physical force that pushes me back and makes me want to walk in the opposite
direction. But I’m given no choice when Prim links her arms with mine and
smiles sweetly, as I see understanding glisten in her eyes and pulls me
through. We are so late the game is already halfway through the first quarter.
I walk up the bleachers and nearly trip looking up at the scoreboard and
discover we’re already down 0 and 10. I’m trying to tell myself that I don’t
care, that it’s just a stupid game, but it’s not working. As I look down at our
offense ready to go on the field, I realize I not only want our team to win,
but I want Peeta to win.
“There you are brainless, it’s about time you got your ass here,” Johanna yells
up to me over the noise, flicking my leg.
I jump realizing I was about go right past her and didn’t see her in the isle.
I wave Prim on to join the Hawthornes a few aisle up the bleachers as I plop
next to Jo, and ignore the fact that she presses her lips at me.
“Is that your sister,” Annie asks next to her, large green eyes looking up.
Darius on her other side, his head stuck deep into his trash science fiction
book.
“Yup,” I answer simply, eyes already pulling towards the stocky quarterback in
our school colors.
“What’s up her ass by the way? She’s giving us the death glare,” Jo says, not
sounding like she really cares that much what the answer is.
“She can tell that you ain’t nothing but trouble,” I answer, and she just
snorts, nodding her head like it’s true. I look back to see that Prim is no
longer looking down at us but her eyes are tracked to her friend Rue who is
sitting with two other girls. Her shoulders slump slightly in dejection as she
looks at them, and Rue posture is almost the exact mirror. Feeling helpless, I
can’t face my sister’s misery anymore so I turn my head to the football field.
I just pray that I can fix it.
I focus just in time to see our coach yell time out after Peeta is nearly
sacked, throwing the ball away just in time. Johanna shakes her head at the
action and I tuck my hands underneath my legs to stop the urge to bite my nails
as disappointment sweeps through the restless crowd.
“I don’t know what the hell is up with Mellark tonight. He hasn’t been able to
get a play going this entire quarter. This season is going to suck if he can’t
get his act together. At least my girlfriend will always look good in her
cheerleading uniform. I mean look at her ta tas jiggle.”
As much as I would like to admire Delly’s “ta tas jiggling”, I can’t tear my
eyes away from Peeta as he runs across the field to meet with his coach. With
all the noise around me I can’t hear what is being said, but it’s clear that
the coach is completely irate as he screams endlessly, spit flying into Peeta’s
face. Every word emphasized with a hard poke to his chest. Peeta seems to
absorb it all stoically, grimly nodding his head at the lashing words. But for
the briefest moment I see him crack, I see the pain and disappoint flash across
his face, even from this distance. I don’t even know if anybody else saw it.
And for the first time since I’ve met Peeta, the frustrating self assured boy
who is everything I am not, I see myself reflected in him and it makes me want
to throw up. The whistle blows indicating that the timeout is over and Peeta
finally breaks away, but just as he is about to run back on the field, he scans
the bleachers. It’s probably my imagination but it feels like our eyes catch
and I give him a small smile that struggles to stay on my face. He returns a
large blinding one, and any bit of pain I saw him struggle with is gone, and he
is back to the too-perfect boy I know.
“Did you see that Clove, he smiled at me. I’m sure he wants to get back
together,” I hear a voice declare two rows in front of me, and I realize it’s
Glimmer. I shake my head and realize I was absurd to think that Peeta was
looking for me in the bleachers. He likes fucking with me, that’s all. What
happened at lunch meant nothing. I have to repeat it to myself over and over. I
can’t let myself slip.
The crowd screams and rises to their feet, breaking me from my thoughts, as
Peeta throws a pass that is caught 30 yards down field, and the wide receiver
is untouchable as he makes a touchdown.
“It’s about damn time!” Johanna screams as she claps, completely absorbed by
the game. Even Annie and Darius are cheering, completely involved now. He is
perfect the rest of the night. Making spectacular play after play. Gone is the
unassured player that started this game and I can’t help but admire how he was
able to turn it around. And I really hate to admit it, but I was actually
having a pretty good time hanging out, watching our team win. Completely
mesmerized by the quarterback I wish I could get out of my mind.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for reading! I will try to update faster but at least you had
     a nice chunky chapter to read. Also follow me at tumbler at
     dianaflynn22.
***** I'm who I've got to be *****
Chapter Notes
     Here on out there will be a lot more Peeta and Katniss interaction. I
     hope you liked the chapter, it's much shorter than I usually do. lol.
     Anyway tell me what you think!
I never went to football games in my old high school. There was never time to
fit something I considered so pointless. Now my first high school game is
finally over, and I’m afraid to admit that even though I didn’t want to come
tonight, I actually had fun. Everyone screaming and cheering together, seeing
our team win, the elation afterwards, this was all something I’d never
experienced. Although, I wouldn’t say I screamed my head off like everyone
else, more like internally cheered. But having Jo scream aggressively next to
me and laughing along with Annie and Darius was a nice way to forget all the
shit floating around for awhile.
A smile is threatening to take over my face as I watch Peeta’s team mates crush
around him. The entire football field is thundering with his name as people
fight to congratulate him, slapping him on the back after his obvious (even to
me) stellar performance. I want to tap into my constant distrust of him, remind
myself that he is as fake as the rest of them. But at this moment, seeing the
pure joy on his face, I am having a hard time of it.
“Look at that hero worship down there,” Jo complains next to me shaking her
head. “No wonder he can do no wrong in the school. He’s got half the panties in
the stadium wet. Hell, he’s got your panties wet.
“What are you even talking about?” She gives me a glare that says I know
exactly what she’s talking about.
“I see how you look at him. Like every other over sexed girl in this stadium.
God Brainless, I can’t believe you of all people would fall for it, like all
those suckers. Should have known it was dangerous to bring you here tonight,”
she adds with a bark of a laugh.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumble, crossing my arms. But I do
know what she’s talking about. Wasn’t I just smiling down at him like an idiot
a minute ago? I’m staring down at the scene with different eyes now, watching
how people want to touch Peeta the hero. How do you survive as a person when
you are treated like that? How could he not have an ego the size of Texas.
“Hey, we’re headed to Finnick’s place to hang out. Want to come?” Annie asks,
interrupting my disturbingly obsessive trance on the activity down on the
field. When I do focus on her, I stare at her dumbly, completely caught on the
fact that sweet but strange Annie has a boyfriend.
“Come on Kat, we got you out this far, you might as well go all the way.
Finnick’s place is sweet too. A bungalow overlooking the ocean and he always
provides plenty of booze and weed.
“Finnick’s place is awesome!” Darius booms out.
They all look at me expectantly, while I peer behind me to see Prim laughing at
something Rory is telling her with great arm movement. But with regret I decide
I should head home instead of going to a party, just to confirm to her that I
am not returning to old habits.
“Sorry guys, I’m beat and just want to go home.”
“Well it’s your loss. Text me if you change your mind. Now there is a busty
blonde I have to congratulate on her great bouncing skills.” Jo wiggles her
brows before leading the way for them to exit the bleachers. She pushes her way
through the crowds of enthusiastic teens trying to leave causing a wake of
protests in her path.
I settle back down on the bench, seeing that Prim and the Hawthornes are taking
their time in leaving. It’s not worth making my way up to them especially
against the tide of increasingly annoying people. This decision is one I soon
really regret when the distinctly snide voice of Glimmer rings out in front of
me.
“I can’t believe they let her in this school,” she sneers to Clove, both their
pretty faces twisted in disgust. “My mother is irate. She says she pays too
much for me to have a good education in a safe school to allow an ‘incarcerated
delinquent’ in. She’s terrified something will happen to me, especially after I
described how crazy she looks. She’s already lodged a complaint to Sister Sae
and the school board. If she has her way, that bitch will be out within a week
and her sister too.”
The two of them rise from their seats, Glimmer delicately smoothing down her
skirt before she looks over at me, just a quick flash attached to a smug smile
that says she knows I heard every bitchy world. “Come on, let’s go congratulate
Peeta. We need to get my house before everyone else does. Daddy gave me plenty
of money to get whatever I want for the party.”
“Does that include Peeta?” Clove dryly remarks. “If I have my way…” Glimmer
remarks, making her hand into a fist and moving it like she was giving a blow
job. They both start cackling but what is said next is beyond my earshot as
they make their way down.
“Katniss are you ready to...what’s wrong?” I feel a warm hand on my shoulder
and I look up to see the concerned bright blue eyes of my sister. I didn’t even
realize that she had come up to me, or that my hands were closed so tight, half
moon prints were left in my fleshy palms by my own short nails.
“Oh it’s nothing,” I answer standing up and basically shrugging her off. I
close my face down to any emotions I might betray to her. “Nothing I can’t
handle, so don’t worry about it.”
Her face unfortunately says she’s going to worry about it. “Katniss, Hazelle
was going to take us to the dinner to get some ice cream. Do you want to come?”
“Umm, I can’t. I’m going to a party that Joanna invited me to. So don’t wait up
okay?”
She furrows her brows, but nods her head anyway. She knows when I set my mind,
there is no changing it. “Just be careful okay.”
“Of course, Little Duck.” I give her a peck on the forehead and wave bye to the
others before she can say anything else, practically jogging down the bleacher
stairs. God how I need to get away from my brain for a moment.
I weave through the crowd, looking for my friends, and realize if I don’t find
them than I’ll be stuck. I just can’t go back to Hazelle’s right now. I reach
the parking lot and thank god for Darius red hair, shining brightly under the
parking lot lights. I break into a run as I see them all pile into Delly’s car,
and call out their names. Jo’s head pop’s up and a satisfied grin spreads on
her face.
“Well it’s about time you made it,” she triumphantly exclaims.
______________________________________
The crunch of gravel under tire wheels brings my head up. I was so lost in my
head I wasn’t paying any attention to the twists and turns of the road. If I
wanted to head home on my own I would have no idea how to get there. But as I
take in the much anticipated bungalow, I don’t think I’ll have to worry about
that. I don’t have to step inside for me to know this is a welcoming place.
From the outside the house is modest but has large windows emitting a warm glow
from the multiple lights inside. A roomy porch reaches from one end to the
other, with worn chairs already occupied by people lounging and gossiping. It’s
too dark to take in the view, but I can hear the crashing of the ocean behind
the house.
“You’re going to love it here Kat,” Darius says catching my attention as the
girls start walking up the driveway, arms all linked. “It’s totally secluded so
we never get bothered by the police. And Finnick is a great guy.” He says
waggling his eyebrows. I just nod my head as I see the door open, and a
ridiculously handsome man stepping out, an angelic halo forming around his
bronze hair from the light flooding from the doorway.
Annie gives an uncharacteristic squeal before running ahead and jumping into
his arms, kissing him all over his face.
“Ugh, the only part I hate about Finnick’s place is how damn cutesy they are.
Come on Brainless, I need a beer.” Johanna says next to me before grabbing
Delly’s hand and dragging her past the couple without acknowledging them. But
when I pass, I get a roguish smile from this Finnick guy as he puts down Annie.
“So who’s the new girl?” He asks as his dimples coming into full on display.
This man I can tell loves to use his charm.
“This is the girl I was talking about Finny. This is Katniss. Finny and I have
been together for two years now. He puts up with my crazy ways.” She looks up
adoringly at him and I want to heave a little, especially as he looks down at
her with an utter look of devotion on his face.
“There is nothing crazy about you. Anyway, nice to meet you Katniss. I’ve heard
so much about you,” he says turning to me, and there is something in that cocky
smirk of his that says he’s holding back. “Anyway, come on in. I’m sure Johanna
is already making herself comfortable.”
He opens the door for the rest of us, and I am immediately hit with the sound
of some EDM music but I’m not versed enough to know who the DJ is. The living
room is large and shabby but still clean and inviting. There are some warm
almost hippy touches that I suspect to be the work of Annie. People are
scattered everywhere; some are dancing in a corner while everyone else is
chatting, drinking and smoking. It’s not exactly the crazy party vibe I imagine
high school parties to be so it puts me a little bit more at ease.
“Come on, get comfortable and I’ll get you a drink, you look tense as hell.”
Finnick says with a slight smirk on his lips. I fight the need to glare at him,
pointing out the obvious.
“Yes, Katniss, everyone here is cool.” Annie joins in, pulling me towards a big
soft brown couch that Johanna and Delly are already snuggled in a corner of.
Delly’s showing considerable thigh in her tiny cheerleading outfit especially
since her leg is swung over Jo’s who is chugging down a beer, her other hand
resting comfortably on her girlfriend’s leg. The two girls sitting next to them
see Annie approaching and immediately get up to give her room without question.
“So who are all these people?” I ask as I sink into the couch, not recognizing
anybody around me. I’m not one to really pay attention but none of them look
like they go to our school.
“They are all Finnick’s high school buddies,” Jo answers, pulling a can of beer
from the table and tossing it to me. I immediately pull the tab, and feel
relief as the bitter cool drink slides down my throat. “He goes to the
neighboring public school, the bastard. What I wouldn’t give not to go to our
snooty holier than thou school.”
“Hey it’s not that bad!” Delly protests. Johanna rolls her eyes, answer enough
about how she feels.
“Yeah it is,” Finnick says plopping down on the coffee table in front of us. He
pulls Annie’s hands to him and kisses the top of each, making her come alive in
a way I have never seen before. “You should try the public school some time.
The kids are much cooler,” he says with a charming wink that impresses none of
us girls, especially Jo.
“He’s their star swimmer you know,” Annie announces proudly. “None of our
athletes can beat him in the pool.”
“Well they are a bunch of lazy pricks,” he declares and Jo chuckles giving a
cheers to that. Delly pouts, but doesn’t say anything but Jo appeases her with
a quick peck on the lips that brings out a smile.
“And he does this without his parents being around too,” Annie continues,
oblivious to the frown that has developed on her boyfriends face.
“So tell me about the game, he says quickly recovering and turning his megawatt
smile on again.
Quickly conversations dissolve into smaller groups, namely the couples
intensely focusing in on each other and my idea of a good time is not being
stuck between two lusty couples. So I pull myself up from the too soft couch,
pick up another beer and awkwardly wander around the house, feeling
disconnected to everyone who is having a good time. I eventually find my way
down to the basement and discover Darius sitting Indian style smoking out of a
large bong that is as cloudy as his eyes are. He smiles widely when he sees me
and offers for me to join him. Now that is what I need.
I mirror Darius’ position and take a hit for myself. The world softens as it’s
passed around and around and I can feel the relief of my brain stopping and
finally the chaotic swirling thoughts dissipate. Time blurs, everything blurs
and soon I am laughing at something that Darius has said that doesn’t make
sense to either of us, so I barely pay attention to the feet clomping down the
stairs.
It’s Darius who notices him first, his face breaking into the same hazy smile
that greeted me. “Here’s the conquering hero!” He exclaims lifting up the bong.
I crane my neck and my own smile fades as I look up to see the thick stocky
body of Peeta Mellark. He looks just as unhappy to see me though, his lips set
in a firm line.
“Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere else getting your dick sucked by Glimmer?”
I blurt out. His frown only deepens as he turns to Darius.
“Darius how much have you given her?”
“Hey Peeta!” Darius answers like he just noticed him and offers him the bong.
“Hey,” I say getting up and waving my hand in front of his face. “I’m right
here, you can ask me yourself. And the answer is none of your goddamn
business.” Peeta looks even more like a disapproving dad and I want to giggle
at the absurdity of it. He looks so absurd with those perfect lips pressed
together, his curly hair still damp from a shower, and his piercing blue eyes
staring down at me. I need some air.
I push past him and grip the railing hard as I make my way back upstairs. The
living room feels confining and is completely stifling since the entire house
is now crammed with people partying. Jo and Delly are nowhere to be seen so I
keep pushing past until I find my way to the sliding door in the back that
promises “outside.”
Just as I am pulling open the door, I feel a hand on my arm and I turn around
exasperated.
“Wait Katniss, please. I just want to talk to you,” Peeta pleads squeezing my
elbow slightly. I slide away from his touch, gripping the handle I’m still
holding.
“What is there even to talk about? You shouldn’t even be here.”
“And why not?” He says crossing his arms, a challenging look on his face.
“Because…” But before I even can formulate a good response there is a shriek
that has Peeta’s name mixed in there. Before I can even blink a girl has thrown
her arms around Peeta, her ample bust pressed into his chest. While he greets
“Leevy” with a warm smile, his eyes still flicker to mine with conflict.
“Obviously I’m mistaken,” I answer, taking the opportunity of the girl trying
to start a conversation with him to escape, doing my best to ignore how both
her eyes and his track me.
I squeeze through the narrowly opened door and gasp as cold salty fresh air
sweeps past me. It’s a modest sized balcony, with people scattered about in
small groups chatting. I see Annie and Finnick leaning against the railing in
what looks like an intense conversation, and I’m not too keen for them to see
me. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see to my left a narrow barely hanging on
metal spiral staircase, and I take the opportunity to climb it.
At the top is the entire flat roof and to my happiness it’s completely deserted
except for a couple of lounge chairs. Better than that, it has the most
breathtaking view of the entire area. The heavy full moon gives delicate
details of the trees to the east of me, and sparkles like jewels on the peaks
of the waves. I lean against the railing and close my eyes, enjoying the fresh
salty sea air ignoring everything below me. The minutes stretch and I finally
find myself relaxing.
“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet
is the sun! ” My eyes open in confusion and there is Peeta, half way up stairs,
arms reaching up to me with laughter written all over his face.
“Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with
grief that thou her maid art far more fair than she.”
“Peeta what are you doing.” I say scanning down to see if anyone is watching.
And yes, there are some curious onlookers.
“She speaks! O, speak again, bright angel, for thou art as glorious to this
night.”
“Get up here!”
“That is not the line, but gladly M’lady.” I am such a mixture of frustration
and amusement that my face is a battle of expression. I’m sure I look crazy.
He bounces up the creaking stairs and my heart lurches for a moment in fear
that it will break and he will fall. But he makes it up, his eyes twinkles down
at me and I just have to shake my head at him.
After his brazen act, he just stares at me, and we let silence fall between us
as the muffled sound of the party intermixed with the crashing waves dances
around us. I’m waiting for him to talk first, to see what is coming out of his
mouth next. I shiver slightly and that seems to break him of whatever trance
he’s in and he pulls off his letterman jacket and sweeps it around my
shoulders.
“You looked cold,” he says with a casual shrug.
“I just don’t get you.” I answer, reluctantly putting my arms into the sleeves.
It still radiates his warmth and it does feel good. And smells good. Like fresh
soap, dill, and...Peeta
“What is there to get?” He answers looking honestly confused. In my head I’m
running through his dual nature of sweet boy and perfect all-star, but then the
subtle ways he acts towards me says he ain’t no angel. He’s a mystery and I
know he’s holding back from showing all of himself, because I’m exactly the
same way. But I don’t know how to say all that, so I just give up and switch to
another question.
“What are you doing here?”
“You mean not getting my dick sucked by Glimmer?” He challenges, eyes
unflinching as he stares me down. My cheeks heat at this words, the image of
the act suddenly popping in my head.
“God, you’re gross.” I say trying to move around him, but he’s quick and is
front of me again.
“What, are you the only one who can say the word dick?”
“Stop saying that,” I snap, feeling my face totally aflame now.
“What? Di…” But before he can finish I slap my hand over his mouth. His impish
eyes combat my own glare as we battle silently for a minute. I can feel lips
pressed against my palm while his pupils dilate and suddenly my arm feels weak.
“Forget it.” I release his mouth and finally move past him, heading straight
for the stairs. I just have my hand on the railing, when his determined voice
reaches my ears.
“Why are you always either avoiding me or running away from me Katniss?”
“I’m not running away. I’m going home,” I say whipping around. But the act
makes my head spin, and Peeta’s eyes pop as it looks for a moment I might
tumble down. But he is there, his reflexes lightning fast as he grabs my
shoulders and pulls me towards him. My head feels heavy and I lean it against
his chest, feeling his strong heartbeat steady me in return.
“Shit. I’m too fucked up to go home. I can’t let Prim see me like this.”
Peeta’s arms tighten around my shoulders and he shifts around so that he could
lead me further onto the roof and away from the edge.
“Come on, let’s sit down,” he orders guiding me down to a plush lounge chair
that is just enough room for two. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s him, but we don’t
sit down, more like lay down. He curls me into his body and I find my head on
his chest and my bare leg touching his own. Usually I would just push him away,
but he feels so warm and secure. There is a short list of only one person I
trust in this world but at this moment I feel like I can add a second person to
that list.
“I don’t know why I do this. Well I guess I do know. I just don’t know how to
stop it. How to make my brain stop thinking. To stop remembering. It’s just an
easy way to escape. I am probably making no sense to you right now.” Too much
pot, too much alcohol and now too much confessing to Peeta. I know I am going
to regret this is the morning. But then I feel a calloused hand on my cheek,
softly insisting that I look up at him. His face is so close to mine, I can
feel his gentle breath on my forehead. And his bright eyes on mine takes my
breath away.
“No I get it. I really do.”
“But you don’t take shit. I can tell. You don’t like the loss of control.”
He chuckles at me before kissing me on the forehead. “Hey pot,” he says softly.
I’m too relaxed to fight or protest. He pulls back and shakes his head at me.
“How do you know me more than anybody else? You drive me crazy. But let’s just
say that I find other ways to… escape too. So yeah, I get it.”
The hairs on his legs are soft and tickles my own bare leg and I can’t help but
rub my own calf against his.
“Katniss, what are you doing?” Peeta says, his voice husky. I just shrug, not
giving him answer.
“Well quit it,” he says gruffly, his voice a little shaky. My response is to
track my hand laying on his chest down until I find the gap where his shirt
pulls up and start to tickle his warm belly. He let’s out a chuckle before his
strong hand grabs mine. In a flash I’m on my back, my wrists pinned over my
head and his leg pressed between my thighs.
He leans so close that our nose are just almost touching. “Katniss, I told you
to quit it,” he growls before his mouth descends on mine. I can’t help myself,
my inhibitions are too far gone, and I greedily accept his offer. My mouth
opens, welcoming his insistent tongue, sucking it in further. He tastes so damn
good. I can feel his pelvis press strongly into mine, the feeling of his
hardness making me groan.
He unexpectedly pulls back and looks at me deeply for a long moment. “I’m
sorry,” he says panting softly. He returns to lying on his back, pulling me
tight to him like I might escape. He’s probably right. As I struggle to figure
out what the hell happened… again, we stare up at the stars, twinkling above.
“Why’d you stop?” I finally ask trying to calm the fire that he stoked in me.
Trying to quell the hurt that wants to build.
“Because I want this to be real.” My cloudy mind doesn’t understand what he
means by that, and before I can ask further I gasp when I see a falling star
flash through the sky.
“Make a wish Katniss,” he murmurs softly into the shell of my ear, and I do.
Nothing else is said between us and soon my eyes are too heavy to remain open.
***** I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
I hate those mornings when you wake up in a new place and for one moment
everything looks topsy-turvy, the world is upside down on its axis and nothing
makes sense whatsoever. That feeling of disorientation is overwhelming as I try
to pry my eyes open while a rhythmic beat pounds straight from my head that
spells my doom.
 
Through blurry eyes the weak blue tinted light registers along with the feeling
of damp air against my skin and I realize that it’s already dawn. From my angle
all I can see is a low wall and the flat grey sky above. Head too heavy to
move, the lack of details in front of me is disorienting since I’m not sure
where the hell I am. As I try to pull the pieces of last night together a
shiver runs down my body when I become aware that I am also pinned down by a
heavy weight across my arm. It’s an oddly comforting feeling, especially with
the cool air paving a path of raised bumps on exposed pieces of my skin. With
tendrils of sleep calling me to close my eyes again, I automatically snuggle in
closer to the warmth emanating at my back until I realize what exactly it is
that is protecting me from the cold. Namely Peeta’s very muscular arm which is
intimately holding me close to his body. My eyes focus on freckles that spread
across his creamy skin. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve memorized the details of
those freckles while he was driving so I know it’s him without turning around.
His chest presses my back, knees tucked perfectly behind mind, and his check
nestled in the crook of my neck making us a perfect little spoon.
 
As Peeta’s steady breath moves the tendrils at the nape of my neck, I don’t
even move a pinkie as I slowly weave together what happened last night. When my
brain starts filling in the blanks, I’m first hit with the overwhelming
claustrophobia of feeling trapped in this small town and self loathing for the
demons I’ve brought with me. After that all the details from the previous
night’s events quickly fall into place that brought me here to this roof and
the boy laying behind me. The push and pull we have with each other is driving
me crazy and I’m afraid of what we might potentially mean to each other. I keep
trying to push him away, fight that irresistible draw he has on me but I’m
exhausted. Right now I’m tired of fighting him.
 
So I should pull away, maybe even see if I can leave before he wakes up, but in
his arms I feel more content and secure than I have in a long time. There is no
overthinking it when my head and heart hurt so much. I just need a little more
time with this feeling... this fragile feeling of peace. I think it’s more
disorienting feeling so safe and yet so lost at the same time than it was
waking up hungover.
 
Peeta expels another deep breath and pulls me closer to him and then I feel…
him. It’s thick and hard, and nestled perfectly against my ass. My heart beats
exponentially faster as my flight instinct finally kicks in. So rather than
quietly slipping out of his arms like I should, I more like leap out and
scramble to the end of the large lounge chair that we are on, wrapping my arms
around my knees protectively so I take up as little space as possible.
 
Peeta’s eyes blink open, revealing their stunning blue as he slowly becomes
awake. He reaches out where I was but when he finds only empty space, his eyes
pop open in full awareness.
 
Quickly finding me, he gives a sleepy smile that is more sexy than it should
be. “Good morning Katniss,” he greets while sitting up, scrubbing the unruly
curls on top of his head. “Thanks for keeping me warm last night.”
 
“Don’t make a habit of it,” I snipe out automatically and he just shakes his
head at me in disapproval.
 
“I thought we got past all that finally. Or let me guess, you don’t remember,”
he says with clear disappointment.
 
“Don’t worry. I remember,” I mumble, having a difficult time looking at him.
 
He gives out a long sigh, messing his curls even more as his fingers run
through his hair aggressively. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this
disheveled, even when playing football.
 
“I just want to get to know you Katniss. Is that so difficult for you? Are you
too popular to be around me?” He pierces me with his eyes, a look of deep
frustration and want in them that takes my breath away.
 
“That’s fresh coming from the jock who has never had to struggle in his life,”
I answer but I instantly regret lashing out. I try to gather strength around my
next words, hoping that I can believe in them and make him believe me too.
“Look, I’m sorry Peeta, but whatever this is between us just won’t work. We are
in two totally different worlds. And I don’t know why you would even want me in
yours.”
 
“That cliche excuse? Come on Katniss, you’re better than that. I can think of
so many reasons in favor of us working. But why don’t you tell me exactly why
not.” Peeta sits up straight, crossing his legs seemingly in a relaxed
position. But his eyes are challenging me and his hands clench over his knees
in in a way that says he is anything but calm.
 
All my rational excuses leave me as he stares me down. The previously cool blue
of the fresh morning is giving way to a yellow warmth with the rising sun. It’s
rays softly bounce off Peeta’s chaotic curls and his eyes look brighter than
I've ever seen them, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a color like it. He doesn’t
even have to speak for him to start breaking down my walls.
 
Not that I’m going to stop trying to refortify them with anger. “I don't know
why you want to know me more. Get in my pants is the obvious reason. Or maybe
you’re just some weirdo who likes the challenge of seeing if you can get
everyone in the world to like you,” I lash out while pulling myself into a
tighter ball.
 
He doesn't say anything for a moment and it’s deathly quiet. I can’t make eye
contact with him so instead I look at the rise and fall of his chest. After a
long moment, I see his body slowly inch forward, his arm rises and his fingers
carefully move my chin up so that he can catch my gaze looking at me with eyes
that have seemed to have gone ten degrees colder.
 
“I resent that you would think that of me Katniss. Obviously I gave your
observational skills more credit than you deserve.” He says this slowly,
methodically, but it feels like a quick slap to the face.
 
I shake my head, trying to get him out of it and take a dry swallow that does
nothing to help the lump in my throat before I try to convince him. “I
shouldn't have said that. But Peeta, it’s not about you. Or us. It’s me. I’m
sure I don’t even have to tell you what rumors are going around about me. I’m
sure there are plenty of girls who will be happy to give you the dirty details.
And I’m not an unjustly accused saint. If I want Prim to have any chance of a
normal social life I have to leave the school. I’ve only been here a short time
and I’ve done enough damage. We can't move again but I can go to the public
school,” I say with as much force as I can.
 
“What? Wait? You can’t just give up and leave,” he says. He grabs my hands
before I can even react and holds them tightly. “What if I can make it better
for you?”
 
“And how can you possibly do that?” I ask narrowing my eyes.
 
His face transforms into the captivating popular jock I’m used to as he gives
me the most charming smile, the kind that can melt the knickers off a nun,
before he snaps it off again like switching off a light. In a brief moment he’s
made his point with what type of influence he has without saying a word.
“What’s the point of being the captain of the football team and class president
if I can’t influence some students and parents?” he answers confidently.
 
I give a very unfeminine snort as I yank my hands away harshly and stand up so
he can’t do it again. “No Peeta. I am not going to let you come on your white
horse to save me. I can’t owe a person that much. I’ll never owe another person
again. I can figure things out on my own. Leaving the school is the simplest
and best solution.”
 
He gets up and stalks toward me, determination written all over his face. I
move back but find the limited space of the roof brings me quickly to the edge.
He reaches out like he is going to touch my cheek but ends up running his hands
through his hair in exasperation before crossing his arms.
 
“You are the most stubborn person I have ever met Katniss. You wouldn’t owe me
anything.” He turns his head down like he is trying to collect his thoughts,
before looking back at me with determination. “Maybe we can strike a bargain
then. Let me help you in exchange for your cooperation.”
 
“And what sort of cooperation are you expecting from me?” I hiss out. “Am I
supposed to be your slut or whatever.” He turns red for once in life,
completely embarrassed and uncomfortable.
 
“God Katniss, no! That’s not what I’m talking about!”
 
“Well, what else would a boy like you want with a girl like me?” His eyes
soften and his hand comes up so carefully, already so familiar with how I will
react, and gently cups my face. I stiffen, prepared to bolt, but his thumb
flicks softly on my cheek and I can’t help but lean into it.
 
“I just want to get past a few of those icy layers and spend time with you, get
to know you better. And making your life easier is just a bonus. But obviously
everything with you has to be a trade because you just can’t let me give you
something. So if that makes you feel better than let's call it a damn trade.
You hang out with me and I will try and get the parents to ease up on your
sister. Does that work for you?” The last part he says slowly, obviously trying
to hold on to the little patience he has left with me.
 
I give a chuckle that sounds sad in my ears. “You can’t make my life easier
Peeta.” The birds start singing their morning song and he just considers me
calmly as he waits for me to continue. But I don’t know what to say. I
shouldn’t be letting him in. But if it’s a bargain, is it letting him in?
 
“Why do you want to know me better?” I ask softly even if there is a tinge of
frustration there.
 
“Can I try something?” He asks. All I can do is nod my head and he bends
forward until his nose almost touches mine. My breast is heaving so hard it now
starts press against his. He stops for a second and when he sees no protest
from me, he continues until his lips softly touch mine. He slowly rubs them
against my own like he just wants to feel the shape of my own. I rushed our
first kiss and was too drunk this last time so I had not realize how soft his
lips actually are even if slightly chapped but the feel of them causes my skin
to tingle.
 
But then he pulls back, not taking it any deeper, and a lazy smile spread on
his face like he’s Darius after he’s taken a large hit. He rubs my top lip with
his thumb and my tongue instinctively juts out to lick the pad. He expels his
breath shakily, like he can barely contain himself. I realize I can feel him
hard and hot against my stomach and this time I don’t feel like pulling away.
The ache is so intense in my thighs I can barely stand it. How is he able to
wreck me so, with barely a touch?
 
“What was that for?” I finally manage to ask, licking his taste on my lips.
 
“Well you’ve always been the instigator Katniss Everdeen. So I thought it was
my turn for once,” he says, lifting an eyebrow and I can feel a scowl form on
my face.
 
The crisp morning air suddenly rushes between us as he steps away. “Just think
about my offer, he says as he steps towards the ladder.
 
“I hardly call that an offer!” I yell back and he just shakes his head,
starting to make his way down until I see his blond mop disappear. I can barely
move my limbs since they feel like lead.
 
“There is no way I am agreeing to spending more time with him,” I mumble to
myself. I flop back down on the lounge chair, feeling like a crazy person
talking to myself, amongst other reasons. Maybe it’s just the hangover. It will
be so much easier to push him away once my head clears.
 
___________
 
It’s not until the sun’s rays are truly invading my eyelids that I reluctantly
open my eyes again and leave the sanctuary of the roof. I actually didn’t
realize I had dozed off again, or maybe I should consider it my brain shutting
down. It must be at least an hour since Peeta left me.
 
As I softly pad through the house, I’m afraid at any moment Peeta is going to
pop out, but it’s quiet. Just bodies of party-goers who never left like me
strewn around the room. I finally make it to the front porch and freedom hoping
maybe I’ll make it home before Prim wakes up.
 
“Trying to sneak out huh?” I leap in a completely undignified way at the sudden
voice before turning around to see Johanna sitting casually on the porch swing.
One of her legs is propped up next to her, the arm leaning against it holds a
smoldering cigarette. As she scrutinizes me she takes a long draw of her
cigarette, the smoke curling around her.
 
“Shit Jo, you scared me,” I answer feeling my heart pound. I walk up to her and
pluck her cigarette to take my own drag, just to calm myself down.
 
“He left an hour ago. But I bet you know that already,” she states.
 
“Who? Darius?” I try to sound as clueless as possible but the scoff that comes
out from her says I’m not fooling anyone.
 
“Peeta left an hour ago Brainless. But you know that already since you spent
the entire night with him.”
 
“Nothing happened Jo, we just passed out on the roof.” I can hear how annoyed
my voice sounds but it only makes her narrow her eyes even more at me.
 
“Just watch it with him ok Brainless? Don’t become another swooning fan and get
hurt.”
 
“Whatever. Nothing is going on with him so you don’t have to worry.” I don’t
even know why I’m lying to her, or why she cares but this is something I have
to figure out on my own.
 
She scoffs, obviously not believing what I say. “Sure, you just keeping tell
yourself that.”
 
“Whatever. I’ll see you at school.” I turn around, not waiting for her reply
and leave as fast I can.
 
The walk is long, and I get turned around a few times before I figure out where
I am. As a result, my hopes of getting home before anyone is awake obviously
was pure fantasy because, as I approach the house, I can already hear the
piercing screams of kids running before I even go up the steps. The door opens
with a bang followed by Vic and Pansy rushing out past me as they barrel
towards the tire swing hanging from the tree. I catch the door before it can
slam shut and step in. There on the old fading brown couch facing the door is
my sister. She looks up from her book with the facial expression of a mom
waiting all night for her kid. I inwardly sigh, gathering my patience as I
approach her cautiously before kicking off her legs and plopping on the couch
next to her.
 
“Hey Little Duck.” I say as casually as possible. She peers over her book with
relief, aggravation, and concern all flashing in those innocent blue eyes of
hers.
 
“Hey Katniss, how was your night?” There is an uptick in her voice as she tries
to sound casual herself, as she returns to reading her book and my heart hurts
a little.
 
“I’m sorry Prim, I shouldn’t have run out like that.” I apologize as I reach
out and rub her ankle
 
“Why did you? You looked like the Hounds of Hades were after you,” she retorts
finally putting the book down.
 
“You’re so damn smart,” Is my only answer as I chuckle at her choice of words.
 
“You are too Katniss. And so talented. You could be successful again if you
tried,” She pleads. But I can’t answer her so we sit in silence for a moment as
we listen to the kids screaming in joy outside, and Hazelle’s vacuum moving
upstairs.
 
“Look, I didn’t go anywhere bad this time I promise.” I finally answer. She
gives me a side look that says she doesn’t believe me after years of me lying
to her. “Peeta was there,” I blurt out and she visibly relaxes.
 
“Oh that’s good Katniss! I know he’ll watch after you. He’s been so good to me
at school! He even says hi to me in the hallways even though I’m just a
freshman,” she exclaims, obvious stars in her eyes. She doesn’t have to know he
wasn’t at a typical high school party or the fact he’s not the perfect human
everyone thinks he is. It’s just nice to see she’s not so worried for a moment.
 
“So did you enjoy the game?”
 
“Yeah,” she said without any enthusiasm. “I just wish…” but she leaves it
hanging.
 
“You wish you could have spent it with Rue?” Her eyes start to shimmer with
tears she has probably been holding back all night.
 
“It’s going to work out Prim, I know it.” I answer, taking her hand. But she
pulls away and wipes her eyes quickly, before getting up.
 
“I’m going to catch up on homework ok? I’ll talk to you later.” With slow
defeated steps she walks up the creaky stairs to our room and closes the door
softly. So much for my stellar pep talk. Once again life has proven to me how
much I suck at comforting people. I know she likes school and all but not so
much that she’d want to do it on a Saturday morning.
 
I click on the TV to numb my brain and just lay slumped on the couch feeling
defeated for awhile, not knowing what to do with myself. The silence is broken
by the deep grumble of my stomach reminding me I haven’t eaten in a long time.
I don’t even remember my last meal. I pull myself off the deep worn out couch
and head to the kitchen. I’m just at the entryway when the intense low voices
of my mother and Hazelle drift towards me.
 
“The parents are pressuring Sister Sae to let me go. They are worried that I’ll
be a bad influence with the kids if I have a daughter like Katniss. I don’t
know what I’m going to do Hazelle if I get fired. We are barely making it as it
is right now, especially after all our legal debts.” There is an urgency in my
mother’s voice I haven’t heard in a long time.
 
“It’ll be okay Lily. I’m here for the three of you no matter what happens. And
Gale wanted to make sure the money he is sending home is helping you out too.”
 
“I don’t want to take your money Hazelle. I’m hoping it won’t come to that. I
just wish…” My mom voice cracks and I hear a deep intake of breath like she is
trying to control herself. “I just hate what I became after Robert’s death. If
I wasn’t so caught up in my own mourning I would have seen what was happening
to Katniss. I could have seen the signs before it was too late. “ That is all
she can get out before she starts to sob.
 
Hunger is the last thing on my mind now. My old friend, my flight instinct,
nudges me to flee again and I quietly back away and leave the stifling house.
My chest is so tight with the rush of many mixed emotions I don’t know where to
start, where to go. So I blindly walk with no realization of where I’m going.
Time and distance have no meaning, I’m so caught in my daze. I vaguely hear a
horn blaring at me and turn around the corner to get away from the obnoxious
sound before I hear the screeching of wheels, like someone is turning around.
Just as I am about to cross a sidewalk a car slams on its brakes in front of
me, only then does reality come back to me and I really pay attention to what’s
around me. I’m in Peeta’s neighborhood. Not only that, it’s his beautiful
gleaming Jeep in stopped front of me. His head dips down to look out the
passenger window, eyes filled with concern.
 
“Hey Katniss, are you alright?” I shake my head no, before realizing what I’m
doing and switch to nodding yes.
 
“No I’m okay Peeta. I’m just taking a walk,” I answer with a smile that fools
no one.
 
He unlocks his passenger door and pushes it open for me. “Hey why don’t you
come in. I was just about to get out of here for a bit.”
 
“No, I’m fine,” I say tersely and start walking again. I practically jump when
I see Peeta bound next to me. I turn to find his car door wide open and the
engine still running.
 
“You know someone might steal your car,” I say without stopping.
 
He just laughs and shrugs his shoulder. “That would certainly make news in this
little town. Nothing happens here. Come on Katniss, stop.” He puts his hand
gently on me, which in itself makes me pause. I’m not used to gentleness, it’s
been so long.
 
“Let’s get out of here. Just spend some time with me,” he pleads. Damn those
cornflower blue eyes, their beautiful sincerity practically hypnotizes me.
 
“Fine,” I growl, trying to stuff away the sharp twist in my gut that always
happens when Peeta is near me. “But I’m driving.” Hell if I’m going to miss out
driving his shiny new black jeep.
 
“Can you drive stick?” When I just give him that stare that says “of course I
can,” he grins widely. “Well by all means, after you, as long as you can listen
to instructions.”
 
He holds the door open for me and I try to ignore what a gentleman he is. When
he closes it once I’m in, I throw him a scowl and squash down the feeling that
I’m being a dick, but I can’t help myself. It’s not his fault, that I’m so
confused right now. Actually I take it back, Peeta definitely adds confusion to
an already difficult situation. Peeta hops into the passenger’s seat looking
proud and happy, so basically the very opposite of me. The smile he gives me is
warm and hopeful, like I actually was nice to him or something.
 
“So where are you taking me?” I don’t bother to wait for his answer as I take
off, screeching down the neighborhood street like we’re on a Nascar track and
my smile grows as his quickly dims. Peeta’s hand grips tightly the door handle
as I turn a corner tightly and I swear to god half the wheels lift up. And I
laugh. For the first time in over a year I actually laugh.
 
“I’m glad you find near death experiences so amusing,” he quips dryly.
 
“Did I ever tell you I was detained by the police for speeding without a
license?”
 
“You don’t have your license?” He asks in a high pitched voice I’ve never heard
from him.
 
“Not then I didn’t,” I say with a wink. “Don’t like the loss of control do you
Mr. Popular.” Peeta just huffs and shakes his head.
 
“Losing control has never worked well for me.” I glance over at him and the
grim expression he’s taken on shows he’s deadly serious. A smile spreads on my
face that I can’t stop. I know it’s probably pretty obnoxious, very similar to
his how damn knowing smirks he constantly wears. But for the first time I feel
like I am in control and he’s not. This is just too good. So I gas up.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks everyone who is still interested in this story for sticking
     around. The muse has been difficult recently, but the good news is
     that another chapter is already finished so I will be publishing that
     in the new year. your comments and feedback are always welcome.
     Happy Holidays fellow Everlarkers!
***** Never sink when you are with me *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Are you ready know where we’re going Steve McQueen?”
“Who?” He just shakes his head in disappointment, and shifts in his seat like
he’s trying to relax. I can tell by the death grip he has on his armrest, it’s
not working. We’ve been driving up the coast for about 15 minutes, and I don’t
think he’s appreciating how I’ve been flying down the streets and taking some
of the hairpin turns.
“Okay, next time we do this, it’s a movie night, my house. Popcorn. Now can you
please head towards the highway,” he grumbles, completely unsuccessful at
hiding his unease.
“Just relax, you can trust me,” I say but he catches the evil glint in my eye
and he flips me the finger while also using it to point me in the right
direction. “Now where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise. It’ll take awhile to get there. But it’s worth it. I
promise,” he answers enigmatically and I try to contain my frustration that he
won’t tell me his mysterious destination.
“I don’t know why I’m trusting you. You could be kidnapping me for all I know.”
He snorts at that. “It would require you not to be in total control of my car
right now. Just trust me.”
“Unlikely,” I mutter under my breath.
“Well I guess since we have some time we should talk about the the deep stuff,”
Peeta replies, completely ignoring me. His head is leaning against the
headrest, left arm on the middle consul and he looks at me with an intensity
that way that makes me squirm in my seat. His eyes flick down, and I know he’s
noticed.
“The deep stuff?” I squeak out my heart picking up the beat. I again wonder how
he can so quickly turn the tables so that I’m off-kilter again instead of him.
“Katniss Everdeen…” he stares with a dramatic pause. I keep one eye on the road
and one eye on him as I wait, about to tell him to just spill it. “What is your
favorite color?”
I laugh and shake my head at how ridiculous he is. “Now that is too personal
Peeta Mellark. You have to get to know me better before I reveal such private
knowledge,” I answer.
“I intend to Katniss Everdeen,” he replies, sounding completely sincere. The
car is intensely quiet for a moment, and I don’t know how to break it, but as
usual, Peeta does.
“So at least tell me your favorite ice cream flavor.”
“Oh well, I guess I can let you in on that secret. It’s chocolate malted
crunch.” He raises his eyebrow in skepticism at my ice cream choice and soon we
are arguing over which flavors we like, both ultimately agreeing that rocky
road is to be avoided all cost. And the conversation easily spins from there.
We talk about nothing serious, only odd habits, likes and dislikes, but still,
I’m surprised how the conversation flows so easily.
“How can you sleep with the windows open? All of them?” He just shrugs as he
finally points me to an exit to take. We are so far from the town now, only the
sporadic house dot in between the tall pine trees.
“I just feel confined I guess. I don’t feel like I can sleep unless I feel some
fresh air.”
“I get it. As long as I’m in a layer of thick blankets,” I say and we both
chuckle.
“Is that invitation Katniss?” He asks, a smile on his lips. “Don’t worry I have
enough body heat to keep you warm.” I hit him on the chest, but he grabs my
hand and holds it between us on the console for a few seconds then squeezes it
before he slowly let’s go, his fingers lingering on mine. I put both hands on
the wheel and remind myself I need both of them to drive, especially a stick
shift, but my heart is racing so hard that it makes it hard to concentrate.
“So where are you taking me Mr. Mellark?” I ask, my voice a little too high.
“You’ll see. We’re almost there anyway. Just turn right up that road, and swing
a left at the first driveway you see.”
The driveway ends up being more of a small road that takes us at least another
half mile. But when we reach the end, my breath catches at the sight before me.
It’s a modern lake house all glass, steel and sharp lines nestled amongst the
towering pine trees. It’s a good thing there are no other houses around because
there are no curtains or shades anywhere to be seen on the windows. But the
lake behind it, damn, it is so beautiful I find myself at a loss for words. It
is not very large but it sparkles with a quiet beauty that calls to me,
reminding me of my own lake and quiet moments with my dad that’s so very far
away now.
“What is this place?” I ask as we finally get out of the car, not being able to
hide the awe in my voice.
“It’s my families cabin. More like my dad’s private retreat,” he answers,
coming around to take my hand, pulling me forward. “I figured, you’d like to
get away for a bit.”
“That’s an understatement,” I say more to myself.
“Well come on, let me give you the tour.”
The place was truly even more incredible from the inside than it was from the
outside. The modern furniture was gleaming without a speck of dust and looked
like it was practically new. The floors were shiny brushed cement floors, and
it had a large grand piano that was next to the large floor to ceiling windows
that overlooked the lake. No doubt this place must cost a fortune. I’m pretty
sure my mouth is open stupidly as I took a look around.
“Yeah, my dad spent a lot on it,” Peeta says sheepishly, rubbing his neck. I
didn’t even realize I had said the last part, and I can’t understand why he’s
so embarrassed about it. I open the sliding doors and walk down stone steps to
the updated dock, hearing Peeta’s heavy tread follow more slowly behind me. The
late afternoon sun sparkles on the calm water, calling to me.
“Come on, I’m dying to go into the water.” I am vibrating with excitement as I
tug on his arm, pulling him near the end of the dock. It bobs slightly with the
movement of the water, and I notice his too wide stance, like he might fall
over any moment if his feet aren’t solidly planted.
“But the water is going to be cold,” he points out with a slight whine, and I
look at him incredulously.
“Then why did you bring me here in the first place?”
“To look at the view?” He answers, his voice taking a slight pitch up. I take
in his flushed face as he stares off and looks at anything except for me. There
can only be two reason for the expression on his face, I’m choosing the more
innocent option.
“You can’t swim can you?” His only answer is to hang his head in shame, and I
almost want to laugh at the realization that there is actually something
practically perfect Peeta can’t do.
“I just… we never had the time…” He stumbles and my heart warms at how awkward
he is for the first time since I met him.
“Come on,” I command, yanking my top over my head and exposing my simple white
bra. “We can just wade, no swimming required. But no matter what you decide,
I’m getting in that water.” My jeans follow next and laughter bubbles in my
throat as I watch his adam's apple bob up and down. I turn around, and dive
into the water, pulling myself deeper so I am encompassed for a moment in the
dark alien world of the lake. And damn the water is freezing, but I feel more
awake then I have in a long time in just those few seconds I’m under.
When my head bobs up, I see Peeta crouched at the end of the pier, relief
spreading on his face as he sees me.
“Damn it Katniss, that scared the shit out of me when you didn’t come up.” As
an answer, I do some back strokes and spit water up like a spout.
“Don’t worry about me. The water is fine,” I say as I swim slowly back to the
dock. Peeta looks like an awkward concerned puppy, and this just energizes me.
I always love it when I have an edge over him, which if I’m honest, is rare.
“Well are you coming in?”
I push off again and do the backstroke a bit while still keeping an eye on him.
Suddenly his face firms in resolution and he quickly turns to walk off the
dock. At first I think I’ve pushed him to for and that he’s going back to the
house but instead he takes the steps to the shore and only stops when he’s at
the water’s edge.
He’s stands there staring at me a little too long and a little too still, so a
shiver passes up my spine that has nothing to do with the water. Even though he
stands there a bit hesitantly, there is an intensity in his eyes that lets me
know I’m totally in for it. I’m just trying to figure out my next move when
suddenly he yanks off his shirt and pulls down his shorts, throwing them both
in a messy clump into the sand. Oh, but it’s not only his shorts he took off,
he pulled down... everything. So considering his ‘everything’, it’s no surprise
that for a moment my limbs go numb so I lose the ability to wade and I sink
ungracefully in the water with my mouth open, practically choking myself with
water.
“Katniss!” Peeta yells rushing into the water. If I wasn’t trying to wade
properly again and breathe correctly I’d laugh at the boy who can’t swim trying
to gallantly rescue me stark naked. But somehow I manage to collect myself
rather quickly and swim towards him in fear he might actually drown himself.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I manage to get out when I get close enough that my feet
touch the bottom of the squishy lake floor. I wade over awkwardly to him and
when I’m close enough I put a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t swim Peeta. What
the hell were you thinking?”
He puts both hands on my waist, pulling me closer, but thankfully not close
enough to feel ‘It’. “I was thinking I didn’t want you to drown,” he says.
“Well maybe you should learn to swim first… with some trunks on.”
“Does nudity bother the always cool and aloof Katniss Everdeen? Why I think you
actually might be blushing,” he exclaims with a gleeful smirk. I slap water at
him as he wiggles his pelvis at me and my blush deepens. Thankfully his wiggle
parts are under water, otherwise I might just combust from embarrassment or
excitement, I’m not sure. But I don’t get a chance to think over it too long
because he starts slapping water back at me until we are furiously smacking
each other as fast as we can.
“I surrender!” He finally declares, as I try to catch my own breath from
laughing so hard. As I’m clearing my eyes I feel his large hand capture my
waist as he pulls me forward and my breath catches in my throat. I don’t notice
his other hand moving until he’s pushing my hair from my face. His fingers
stall on my cheek and all I can focus on is genuinely happy face as everything
fades away. I can’t resist the magnetic pull of his lips and we lean towards
each other until our lips touch. Although it’s quick, it’s soft and more
heartfelt than we’ve ever shared. I can feel my heart stutter in anticipation
of more.
“Maybe you should teach me to swim sometime,” he says softly. Somehow I have
gravitated even closer to him until my body is just a whisper away from his.
Our arms wrap tighter around each other as he pulls me completely against him,
and the feel of his stomach breathing in and out, pushing my own sends tiny
fissures of heat running through my limbs causing my legs to wobble with
weakness. I wet my lips and he licks his in response. Silence seems to
encompass us as we get caught in each other’s stare. But when he shivers
violently, the spell we’re under breaks and the sights and sounds of the world
come crashing around us.
“Shit Katniss, it’s freezing in here. How can you even stand it,” he laughs,
and I can’t fight the smile that breaks out on my face in reply.
I shrug, sliding my hands down to rub them up and down his arms. I think I’m
more successful at making myself warm than him and the yearning in his eyes is
too intense, so I pull away quickly and try to ignore the disappointed look on
his face. “I had a lake of my own to swim in. A cabin too, but not as fancy as
yours.”
“Well I wouldn’t call this mine. Nothing is ever mine,” he says, his tone laced
with bitterness. “But it is a good escape when I can get it.” He steps closer
to me, and my eyes follow the slow trail of water sliding down his chest. He
looks so delicious and completely dangerous.
“Come on I can see that you are quickly turning blue,” I mumble a little
shakily as I slide past him and wade out of the water. I try desperately not to
look back because I know I’ll find some ridiculous live Abercrombie ad behind
me. His loud clumsy steps follow my quiet ones and all I can hope for is that
he put his boxers back on.
But no matter how hard I try, I can’t resist the temptation to slide my eyes
back, and I quickly get my answer to whether he’s wearing boxers, which is a
definite no when I get an eye full all that is Peeta. I snap my head back
forward so fast my neck cracks and I’m pretty sure I gave myself whiplash. Of
course he didn’t bother to put anything back on and his clothes are crumpled in
his hand. Body relaxed, with a lazy smile on his face, Peeta looks like he
doesn’t have a care in the world. And good lord, he is… too much.
When we enter the cabin, I can feel an awkwardness settle in. It probably
doesn’t help that I can’t look at him. I don’t even know what to do with myself
as I stand stupidly in the middle of the living area.
“Hey let me get us some towels. I’ll just be a minute.” he says and makes his
way towards what I suppose is the bathroom. My eyes can’t help but stay
transfixed on his perfect bubble butt until it disappears from view. Damn it,
why is he doing this to me?
I shiver as I stand in the large expanse of the living room, and hug my arms to
myself as I look around. I roll my eyes at my stupidity when I realize that I
left my own clothes on the deck. So while he’s in the bathroom I make my way
back to the door, only for a large black gleaming mass to catch the corner of
my eye, stopping me cold. He has a grand piano. For so long I have put on
blinders to those instruments with 88 keys that I barely noticed that it stood
there in the corner when I first came in. But now in the silence, surrounded by
this contradiction of steel, glass and nature, it’s the only thing that seems
real.
I pad softly to the waiting beast and sit on the bench. Reverently I open the
the lid and softly run my fingers across the keys, just enough to feel the cold
lacquer on my skin, but not enough to play a note.
“Do you know how to play?” I jump slightly and turn around to see Peeta behind
me. I was so lost for a moment I didn’t even notice him come back. I don’t know
if I’m relieved or disappointed to see him wearing a big fluffy robe. I then
notice he is holding a similar robe in his hand and I am grateful when he
approaches and puts it over my shoulders. I pull my arms through it and give a
soft sigh, I didn't even realize how cold i was until I was surrounded by it’s
warmth.
“A little,” Is all I answer as he sits next to me. He gives a warm smile and a
little shove so he can fit on the bench.
“I play a little too. I had countless lessons,” Peeta says as he runs his own
fingers on the keys. “My father was just happy that I liked playing football,
but my mother wanted me to be more cultured. It wasn’t enough for her to that I
threw the pigskin around. All the money she spent, and I’m only ‘adequate’ at
it.”
“Will you play for me?” I ask.
“Sure,” he answers, with a flush of pink on his neck. He rifles through the
music on the piano before picking a page. I’m too busy looking at the deep
concentration on his face to notice what music he picked. He settles his hands
on the keys carefully, taking a deep breath and playing a quick riff before
settling down to a sweet melody I recognize it immediately as Chopin’s waltz op
64 no 2. I never realized how graceful his fingers are for a football player.
They stretch nimbly as they reach the keys, strong and sure, a sign of the
years of practice he must have had. And he’s wrong about his playing. He’s more
than adequate. He’s really good.
For a moment the world and all my worries melt away as the music surrounds me.
I’ve always loved Chopin, his music has a way of transporting me away from my
dark thoughts and worries. I can taste the bitterness in my mouth that his
music has been stolen away from me and I have to work to swallow my resentment.
Before I know what I’m doing, my hands join him and my fingers are gliding
gracefully along the piano keys along with him. I barely pay attention to his
surprised reaction as years of practice and instinct takes over. It’s been so
long since I even got near a piano yet it feels like no time at all as I let
the music take me over. I don’t need to once glance at the sheet music as I let
my fingers fly. As the piece ends I can feel the slow slip of tears down my
cheek. The dam has been broken and there is no stopping it. I move to his
Fantasie Impromptu and my heart hurts painfully from the rush of emotions I
feel being channeled directly onto the keys.
At first I think it’s my wet hair dripping so fiercely down on my hands as they
move across the keyboard, but then I realize I’m my tears are flowing fast and
hard. It doesn’t stop me though, I need to finish this. And when I do, I put my
face in my hands, trying to control the sobs that want to burst out. I’m
overwhelmed with so many emotions crashing into each other right now, but
embarrassment is high on the list. After stuffing my emotions for so long, I’ve
just lost control in front of the one person who’s so dangerous, Peeta Mellark.
How can he not think I’m a complete mess and a freak. I’m sure he’ll want to
haul my ass into the car and take me home as fast as possible.
I turn myself away from him, trying to spare whatever dignity I have left, but
then I feel the warmth of his large hand gently touch my back. He starts
rubbing it in long swoops, infusing my body with comfort.
“Katniss…” he says carefully.
I look up and he smiles softly at me. “I’m sorry,” is all I’m able to get out.
“For what? You were amazing. I’m mean… wow, you blew my playing out of the
water.” He pauses, like he is considering his next words carefully. “Why don’t
you play?” He finally asks.
I bite my lip hard, debating if I should tell him. I barely know him, and
usually I wouldn’t trust someone like him as far as I can throw him. But
Peeta’s different somehow. He’s open in a way I’ve never seen before. So for
once I decide to be open myself and I just let the words out.
“I’m sure you’ve heard about me stabbing a teacher with scissors.” He nods his
head, and I can tell he’s holding his breath. “It’s true. He was my piano
teacher. He was harsh. Beyond harsh, he was a sadist. I was never good enough,
and he seemed to take gleeful joy in being painfully cruel to me. But somehow
beyond all that, I still I trusted him, and the days he was satisfied with my
playing were the happiest moments of my life. Fuck I was so pathetic. Well, one
day he finally pushed me too far, and he got scissors in his thigh and I swore
I would never play again.”
Thinking about the consequences of what I did is too much for me, and I can’t
confess anymore. I look down at the piano, not wanting to see his reaction. I
never can seem to get any words out right, and I fear I didn’t come close to
conveying what happened properly. I play a small silly tune to distract myself,
and his hand comes down to stop my agitated movements. I just stare at the
freckles on the back of his hand, hypnotized at imaginary patterns. “There are
many words I would call you Katniss, but pathetic is not one of them.” I look
up at him, and there is a deep emotion in his eyes that’s hard for me to pin
down but says he understands me. “I’m sure the bastard deserved it. And I’m
sorry you had to go through that.”
His hand moves to my face and he softly wipes more tears that I didn’t realize
had fallen. His touch on my cheek feels like it reaches deep into me, giving a
comfort I have never felt before. I lick my lips, tasting the salty liquid on
them and he takes a sharp intake of breath. I think we both reach for each
other at the same time because I have no idea who moves first. The kiss is slow
and sweet. It’s more exploratory as our lips softly touch each others, gently
pressing more out of comfort than heat. He pulls back and licks his lips,
tasting the moisture.
We are so close, I can see his eyes dilate, a thin rim of blue around dark
pupils. I wonder if my eyes look the same except with silver shining brightly.
That is my last thought before I pull him towards me by his robe, and our
kisses turn rougher, more urgent, each demanding as much as taking. I whimper
in frustration at our odd angel and I climb into his lap. He eagerly pulls me
towards him, clutching my ass roughly in a strong grip that pressing me down
until I can feel his need pushing up against my groin.
“Peeta…” Is all I manage to whimper in his ears as we both simultaneously push
each others robs off, needing to feel more of each other's’ skin. I can’t tell
if I’m disappointed to see that he put some boxer briefs on, but the answer
evaporates as he bends towards my neck and sucks on on the delicate skin there.
“You taste so good Katniss,” he groans, leaving small kisses along the column
of my neck. There are no words on my end, only whimpers and sighs. I grip his
shoulders tightly as his hands move to my waist and I realize I am rocking into
his hardness, needing to feel that pressure against my needy clit. I can’t
control myself as wetness seeps through my panties, probably leaving its mark
on his own boxers.
“Yes Katniss,” he hisses back as he ruts against me too. Our eyes become fixed
on each other as we continue our desperate rocking movements against each
other. Heat flows through my body as it starts to quiver until I gasp from the
overwhelming pleasure. My head snaps back as it courses through me and Peeta
pulls me even tighter against him, thrusting up into me as he seeks his own
pleasure. As the last pulses diminish, I fall limp in his arms as he throbs
between my legs, his own pleasure expressed in a long groan. I lay my head on
his shoulder, hands flat against his wide shoulder blades as I try to regain my
breath, feeling his heart thunder against mine.
As Peeta starts to sloppily kiss my neck again, I look up to find the sun
setting behind the trees of the lake. “Peeta, I don’t want to go home yet,” I
say pulling back.
“Well, let’s don’t then,” he answers simply. I feel him lift me up, and I
automatically wrap my legs tightly around his narrow hips as he carries me up
the stairs to a bedroom.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for your patience, I am going to try and update faster so you
     can always hold my feet to the flame on it.
     The two Chopin pieces Everlark played were:
     Waltz op 64 no 2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOcryGEw1NY
     Fantasie Impromptu - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBA-38mzabs
     Comments as usual are always welcome.
***** What if I say I'm not like the others? *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Katniss…” The whisper of my name tickles my ear before lips touches my temple
then flutters down again and again. His kisses are impossibly gentle, like two
soft petals caressing my skin as he makes his way down my face until he lands
behind by ear. He pauses there sucking deeper, and I know when I check later,
he will have left his mark. His body is pressed on top of me, our legs
intertwine as his mouth finally moves over to mine, tongues tangling before we
both move on to other corners and curves to kiss and explore. This moment feels
like everything, from the heave of his belly into my own, to the way his
calloused fingers slide down by skin. Just these simple touches cause my
panties to dampen but as he presses his arousal harder into the juncture of my
thighs I become uncomfortably wet.
Peeta should come with a warning label - may cause amnesia from reality.
Because deep down there is a practical part of me screaming that this is too
much, that I need to push him far away. This moment with him is too intimate,
I’ve let him get to close and I feel my walls crumbling around me. So instead
of pushing Peeta away, I’ve pushed that realistic voice into a small corner of
my brain and locked the door.
“Can I touch you?” He whispers in my ear, his hand sliding down and squeezing
my hip. I can feel a blush from the tips of my earlobes down to breasts but
despite my shyness, I bite my lip and give a small nod. He takes just one thick
finger and gently but persistently presses into my moist panties, and into my
slit. A fissure of lightening flits through my abdomen and I clench his
shoulders, letting out his name in a shaky breath.
“That’s it baby,” he breathes into my ear, his finger exploring further, just
barely grazing my clit but it’s enough that I can feel my muscles tightening in
pleasure. As the pants of our breaths quicken, my eyes tightly close as I feel
Peeta rub against my thigh for relief, grunting in heated frustration. He
pushes my panties aside in impatience, and finally his finger finds my clit,
rubbing it hard until I writhe uncontrollably underneath him. I gasp
desperately for breath as my whole body freezes, overtaken by the sweet rush of
an orgasm. I’m pretty sure that my fingers will leave indents in his flesh I
held on so tightly. I open my eyes and see Peeta, is locked up in his own
orgasm, his pelvis slightly pulsing against me before he collapses on top of
me. Through the bliss, I can feel small pricklings of doubt starting to seep
up, and I swallow hard to push it down. Just barely more than dry humping and
we both came so quickly. I didn’t know that was even possible.
Peeta pulls away slightly, giving us both a break as we try and catch our
breath. His hand is drawn to my face, thumbing rubbing along my cheekbone as he
considers me with a quizzical expression. “God Katniss, you make me forget what
is right and wrong,” he says softly.
“Am I ‘wrong’?” I ask feeling a small ache in my chest grow, which I’m sadly
too used to. Our activity has made me sluggish and slow to anger though. I know
most people wouldn’t be able to tell, but at this moment, he is more open and
vulnerable than I’ve ever known him. So I push my own insecurities aside for
the chance to peel off another layer from a very complicated boy; revealing the
inner workings of someone who I know has so much turbulence under a seemingly
calm exterior.
“That's what they tell me about you,” he answers simply before pulling off of
me and laying next to me on the large bed. He stares up at the ceiling like his
brain is pulling him at hyper speed away from me.
I lift myself onto my right elbow and start to map the freckles splattered on
his cheeks and nose with my forefinger. He turns his heads toward me and he
cracks a crooked smile, a sign he’s coming back to me from where he was lost.
“And so you believe ‘them’ whoever ‘them’ are,” I ask, wincing slightly at my
awkward phrasing.
He suddenly turns back to me, and his hand reaches for my neck, pulling me down
with a quick intensity that takes my breath away so that he can kiss and lick
his way into my mouth, leaving me useless to any coherent thought, especially
the question I’ve just asked.
When he pulls back I’m struggling to control my breathing so I almost miss the
simple “no” he gives me. It takes me a moment to realize he is actually
answering my question. I can feel an intense pressure release from my chest and
I have to turn away my head so he doesn’t see the tears pooling in my eyes at
the emotions I’m unwilling to describe. It’s then that I realize how exhausted
I really am. All I want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep for years.
Without warning Peeta stiffens next to me, and lifts up suddenly to reach
across me to grab his phone lying on the bed stand next to me.
“Shit,” he mumbles after he clicks on the phone. Peeta suddenly becomes a
flurry of movement, jumping off the bed so quickly it startles me as he goes to
a dresser to pull out some underpants. I sit on the bed, blankets pulled up as
I see him switch out his soiled ones with a fresh pair. What just happened?
“Sorry Katniss, I got to get back in town,” he answer my silent question.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” and I realize I must have said that out
loud.
Peeta stops suddenly and looks at me, his face softening as he licks his lips.
“Fuck you’re hot when you’re angry. God I just want to stay here.” He comes to
the bed and wraps his hand behind my slim neck so that he bring my mouth to
his. And damn what a kiss. A kiss that tingles all the way to my toes and makes
me forget why I was getting angry. His tongue pries open my mouth, swirling
around my own, reaching further and deeper than I’ve ever been kissed before
until he eventually pulls back leaving me gasping for breath. We stare at each
other for a moment before he sighs deeply.
“I hate to ask this, but can you get dress so we can go?” I clutch the blankets
tighter around me as I lean against the headboard feeling very stubborn.
“What’s going on Peeta?” I more accuse than ask, my eyes unforgiving as I find
there is no longer arousal but guilt and anxiousness written on his face.
He plops down heavily making me bounce up slightly, and takes one clenched
hand, which I reluctantly relax when his thumb moves softly over it. “I’m sorry
Katniss, It’s just my dad's going to be home in a few hours. I need to be there
when he is.”
“Fine, whatever,” I say getting up and walking straight through the bedroom
door. I resist the urge to look back as I go hunting for my clothes. My barely
contained anger turns to frustration when I realize my clothes are still
outside, and I practically slam open the sliding door in my quest to get them.
It is not until I have my clothes clumped in my hands, shivering from the brisk
wind that I stop and think about my reaction. I’m angry because I feel
humiliated. Peeta obviously is rethinking this thing between us, if he needs to
use such a flimsy excuse of his dad to stop what is happening. I just want to
be home now. But then I realize I really don’t have one.
My body freezes for a different reason when I feel his large hands land on my
shoulders. He begins squeezing my shoulders, and despite my irritation I can
feel the muscles loosen. He pulls away slightly then he grabs my left hand and
before I can protest he’s putting it through a sleeve of a soft zip up jacket.
He repeats the move on my other hand, pulls the jacket all the way onto my
shoulders and zips me up from behind before continuing to rub my shoulders to
get warmth back in me.
“Sorry Katniss, I’m shit at this,” Peeta’s voice rumbles behind me.
“What? Bribing a girl to hang out with him.” He huffs in frustration, and turns
me around. His hands slide down and surround my waist, pulling me towards him.
But stubborn person that I am, my arms remain tightly crossed in front of me,
keeping that delicate barrier.
“Look, forget the deal. It was a dumb idea. I was just trying to hang out with
you, on your terms.” A humorless laugh escapes him as his fingers thrum softly
on my sides. “But I guess I don’t even know what those terms are.”
“So is this our only time then?” I ask, afraid of a seeing an expression of
relief on his face but instead he gives a pained one. He pulls me tighter to
him, and I reluctantly release my arms wrapping them around Peeta’s slim waist.
“Do you want this to be the last time?” He asks me, his forehead furrowing in
concern. “Look, the last thing I want is for you to feel coerced into anything.
You have to want this too Katniss.”
I don’t know why being with me is so important at the moment. He can have
anyone in the school and yet he’s holding me. Sure he seems annoyed at me, but
because he still wants me. I just don’t get him.
“Ok’” I answer. He lifts his head up, eyes narrowing on me.
“Ok?”
“Ok. We can hang out and...and...more.” A smile spreads across his face, more
sincere than I’ve ever seen it. “But we can’t be public,” I blurt out. His
smile fades and he hefts a heavy sigh in resignation.
“I know. I don’t think it’s a good idea either. At least not in school.” A
flicker of disappointment burns at his answer even though it was my suggestion.
I don’t know what I had been expecting. I douse that little flicker and give
him a tentative smile.
It makes sense really, not wanting to compromise his popularity his final year
of school. He shouldn’t ruin a good thing just for me. The air is tense and we
both shift uncomfortably, neither knowing what our next move should be. We are
saved from further awkward silence when my stomach makes a deep growl that has
us both cracking real smiles.
“When’s the last time you’ve eaten?” He asks, looking down at my belly like
it’ll tell him the answer. I shrug realizing it was probably sometime
yesterday. I’ve been used to not eating for long periods throughout my life so
I’ve largely learned to ignore hunger pangs.
He pulls back from me, and offers his hand, which I take, enjoying it’s
encompassing warmth. “Well let’s grab some burgers then on the way back.” I
pick up my clothes again, and we head back to the house, trying to sort through
my many emotions of our ever evolving relationship. Mostly I feel like I’m
walking on the ledge of a cliff, terrified but thrilled at the same time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The bell rings piercingly, startling me in my spot, poised at the school
entrance, hesitant to move forward like it’s the first day of school. Fuck, it
really does feels like the first day of school. It’s Peeta who’s done this to
me. He’s just standing there on the top of the stairs, laughing at something
one of his buddies is telling him. He looks easy and confident like always,
like his life hasn’t changed in anyway. I feel like my life went into a
permanent pivot yesterday, my lips still bruised from his kisses, a reminder of
what happened. And now I’m sort of pissed at how confident, chill, and normal
he looks, like nothing ever happened. Oh my god, I made out with Peeta this
weekend.
“Come on Katniss, we’re going to be late,” my sister says, rushing past me, not
even giving me a single glance. Her books are clutched to her chest tightly and
there is a look of purpose on her face I don’t have time to interpret. I hear a
double honk and look back to see Hazelle motioning me to go into the school
before she starts to pull away. I turn around to immediately slam into a hard
body.
“Hey watch it,” I growl out pushing back and I look up into a black collar with
a white strip in it. My eyes track up into steel grey eyes shining from a
disheveled face and I realize I just slammed into the resident priest I’ve
managed to avoid since the start of school. Besides his costume, nothing about
him is exactly priestly from his lanky blonde hair to his permanent five
o’clock shadow.
“Hey, you might want to watch it yourself sweetheart,” he grumbles, his sharp
eyes sweeping quickly up and down. I lift my chin in defiance and he just lets
out a rusty laugh that sounds like it hasn’t been used in a long time. “You
know you’re not as tough as you pretend to be. Now get to class before I have
to send you to detention.”
He walks past me without a further glance and he’s left me defensive and
annoyed at our encounter. Who the hell does he think he is?
Shaking my head, I look around and realize there are only a couple of students
in the hallway running to their homerooms and I take flight, realizing that I’m
really really late now and I can’t afford to have get into any more trouble, no
matter how small. I barely squeeze in the door when the final bell rings. Ms.
Trinket, looks at me over her bejeweled glasses, saying my name loudly, ticking
off her clipboard that I’m here, before she inclines her head to the empty seat
next to Peeta.
His perfectly coiffed blond hair is bent over a paper he’s furiously scribbling
on again. His concentration is so deep, I’m actually surprised when he looks up
and gives me a smirk. It should irritate me, that smug little turn of his lip,
but it makes me antsy instead. My cheeks feel hot and I’m inwardly girly in a
way I haven’t felt since I wore two pigtails and twirled in my favorite read
dress. It drives me crazy that the irritation I was holding around me like a
shield this morning falls away when I see that dimple come out in his cheek.
And by the increasingly smug look on his face he knows it too.
“Peeta…” I hear a whine on the other side and I see Glimmer flash a glare at me
before he turns his head her way. “Did you figure out the last chemistry
problem last night? I had such a tough time.” He replies “Sure” and I’m
positive he has a devastating smile by the look on her face before he bends
forward and points out details on her paper.
“Katniss...” I look up to find Miss Trinket towering over me. She’s not very
tall, but with her sharp heels it gives her significant height. How she gets
away with it along with her small but highly colorful skirts, high hairsprayed
hair and loads of makeup with the nuns, I have no idea. “The principal wants to
see you,” she finishes. The sound of Ooo's from the other students follow, and
Peeta looks at me with curiosity in his eyes.
“Hurry up now, we don’t have all day,” she says impatiently tapping her foot. I
never had a chance to pull out one book so I sling my raggedy backpack on, and
barely keep up as she briskly leaves the room and tromps down the hall.
“Why do I need an escort,” I huff out sounding more out of breath than I mean
to.
“Do I really have to answer that question my dear. You have to earn trust. Not
expect it from the get go. Now stop dawdling.”
I throw a scathing glare her way, which she completely ignores, turning an
abrupt left when we reach the principal's suite. She opens the door for me, and
motions me impatiently through as the receptionist peers at me above her
glasses. “Hi Effie,” she says with a bright smile as I’m shoved in. “Mother Sae
is waiting for you. You can go right in,” she says to me in a decidedly colder
tone before typing something rapidly on her computer.
“I expect you back in class promptly when you’re done here.” I hear Effie say
as I twist the doorknob, a sudden fear twisting my gut.
When I enter I am frozen in place when I see not only Mother Sae, but also my
mother and that damn priest I bumped into. I know that smile on Mother Sae’s
face. It’s the expression she gets when she’s about to tell me something
important. My mother hands are twisted in her skirt, but she has a determined
look I haven’t seen in a long time. The priest looks like he is ready to take a
drink. Why didn’t I skip school today?
“What the hell is this?”
“Now none of that,” Sister answers calmly, taking off her reading glasses.
“Please sit down next to your mother.”
I plop down, leaning my elbows on my knees and stare down at the faded floral
pattern between them. If there is one thing I hate more than anything, it’s
being cornered.
“She’s a fun one,” the barely presentable priest grumbles out.
Mother Sae, in her wisdom ignores him. “ Katniss, first off, I want you to know
you are not in trouble. We’ve only called you in because your mother is
concerned about you and I feel it is my responsibility to intervene.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, just barely seeing my mother’s hand reach for my knee.
But unsurprisingly, I never feel her touch since she always chickens out.
Katniss, please look at Mother Sae when she is talking to you.” Her voice is
soft but so firm it surprises me enough to look up at her. Her eyes are
unbelievable blue, lighter than Peeta’s, but brightened with unshed tears that
twist my gut with guilt. She must see something in my expression because this
time she does take my hand and I surprise myself by not pulling away.
“I’m just worried about you Katniss. You were gone all weekend and I didn’t
know where you were. And you don’t talk to anyone, not even your sister.” She
stops and swallows hard, looking down at our clasped hands and I feel a lump in
my throat.
“I’m fine mom,” I manage to say, images of what I did with Peeta running
through my head. The lake, his body, the piano...
“I just see the patterns and I’m worried,” she continues, breaking me from my
thoughts. “I don’t know what to do anymore to help you,”
There is deep silence in the room and I look up to find Sae and the priest are
just staring, observing our interactions.
“So what’s with the priest?” I ask in a pathetic attempt to turn the attention
away from myself.
“I’m going to counsel you sweetheart,” he answers dryly.
“But he’s a priest,” I declare flatly. How the hell is he qualified to be a
counselor?
“Great observation skills,” he quips dryly. “But I’m also a certified
counselor. So lucky you, you’re stuck with me.”
“Aren’t we all,” Sae mumbles rolling her eyes and a smirk fights its way onto
my face.
“Well then, now that it’s all settled, you need to get back to class. Starting
on Friday, I expect you to meet with Father Abernathy every Friday morning in
lieu of homeroom. Does that sound good?”
She looks at me expectantly and there is something about that nun that I don’t
want to disappoint. I look over at my mother, and her eyes hopeful for the
first time in a long time and I’m doomed.
“Fine,” I answer, crossing my arms knowing that there is no use arguing with
her.
“Excellent!” Mother Sae exclaims a little too excitedly, like I answered with
the enthusiasm of a cheerleader. “Lily, if you can make time once a month to
meet as well, I think that would be best.”
“Of course,” she answers, her voice soft and tentative. Her hand comes back
down on my knee and my muscles jumps a little bit, still so unused to her
touch.
“Well off you go then, back to class with you,” Sae orders, putting her glasses
back on and shooing me.
Father Abernathy also stands up, staring down at me. He looks grumpy,
completely put out, and ready to make my high school life much more difficult.
“Let’s take a walk,” he says, turning towards the door before I can even
respond. I sigh before pushing myself up giving my mom a nod before I follow
him.
“So sweetheart, you’ve been stressing everyone out. For more than this year
I’ve gathered,” he says when I catch up to him.
“It’s Katniss, not ‘sweetheart’,” I grunt out. He just waves his hand
dismissively before continuing.
“I’m not expecting touchy feely emotions or crying shit like that during our
conversations. But I do expect you to be open and respectful. And I will be so
in return.”
I snort, ready to give a quip about his language being inappropriate for a
priest, when he puts his hand out to silence me. Unexpectedly I see sympathy on
his face. “You’re not the bad kid people think you are. Hell, what you probably
think you are. You just got a bad rub of it. But it’s up to you to make things
better, not anyone else. So Friday morning come with an open mind. Got it?”
I just shrug with a small “fine” thrown in and that seems enough to satisfy
him.
“Now get back to class,” he orders before turning around and leaving me without
so much as a goodbye. I feel like this will be a pattern. Fuck my life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
This day feels like it’s doomed to go just as bad the rest of the day as it did
in the morning. Every teacher seems to have a steel eye on me, glaring like
they were waiting for me to go postal or something. But even worse were the few
teachers that gave me sympathetic glances that were so sweetly sincere I felt
like it would give me a cavity. All I want to do is go into my quiet hiding
spot and decompress by myself, but Jo must have sensed it because because there
she was, waiting for me at my classroom door just as we are let out for lunch.
“Jo, the day has been rough enough without you giving me shit, I can’t deal
with you being my mom too.” I barely lift my head from the scratched cafeteria
table, just having endured an onslaught of words from my new friend when we
barely sat down to eat.
“Mom! How am I in any way your damn mother, I haven’t checked out of your
life,” Jo practically screeches, causing people to turn towards our tables.
“No fair Jo,” Anne frowns in disapproval at her friend while my only response
is lift my head off the table so I can flip her off.
Jo, stubborn as ever, just gives me a hardened look. I should never have
confessed to her about my relationship with my mom. Tense silence swallows our
table as Darius and Annie’s eye ping pong between the the two of us. I wish
Delta was here to temper her confrontational girlfriend but she’s with Peeta
and his friends right now, blending in a way the rest of never will...or even
want to. I can’t help but look over at Peeta sitting at his table, laughing at
something Delta has just said and it just compounds my feeling of loneliness.
“Whatever, I’m out of here, I say pushing myself up. Jo’s hand clamps down on
mine, preventing me from leaving as she locks me in with her deep brown eyes.
“I just want you to be careful with Peeta, okay? There are a whole lotta
unpleasant surprises hidden in that pretty package. I like the kid, don’t get
me wrong, but you’re not half bad and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“What surprises Jo!? You still haven’t told me anything concrete.” I narrow my
eyes at her, but she is not one to back down.
“I’ve known him a long time Katniss. Just trust me on this.”
“I don’t trust anyone, not anymore. And I can take care of myself,” I answer
yanking my hand from under hers.
“I know that Kat,” she says with surprising sincerity. “That’s why I’m telling
you.”
“Jo, you’ve told me absolutely nothing,” I don’t know what else to say so I
just walk out, needing some space from everyone. I pass Peeta’s pack on my way
out and I can feel Peeta’s eyes track me, even though I don’t dare look over.
It unnerves me that I know this. I always know when he’s looking at me, and I’m
sure it goes the same way for him. I’m sure Jo is right, but an ache burns in
my chest thinking of stopping whatever it is I have with Peeta right now.
But what I see in the courtyard stops me flat; Prim and Rue chatting together
with some other kids, and they are laughing. It’s like there was no strife
between them at all. What could have happened in such a short time that they
are friends again? I just shake my head and move on but my heart is a little
lighter. At least something right is happening today.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I stretch my neck, trying to rub the creak that’s developed from bending down
so long but it does little to help. Today Mother Sae had me out in her garden
pulling weeds. One look at me with her hawkish eyes as I walked defeatedly
through her door and she quickly concluded that my time was best spent not at a
desk but outside in the fresh air of the garden. And although I’m reluctant to
admit it, it did feel good having the monotonous yet strenuous task of pulling
all the weeds from her woefully ignored garden. As I focused on my work, I
didn’t have to talk to anyone or think about anything. I could just let my mind
go blank and feel the earth beneath my fingers as I yanked and pulled my
frustrations away. I had worked so long, by the time I was finished, everyone
was gone. It felt so good stepping out of that building with no one in sight,
no one whispering behind my back, no one giving me suspicious glares or
condescending glances.
The sun is setting, filled with oranges, purple and pinks that take my breath
away and I just breathe in the magic of the hour. I hear him first before
anything, that familiar heavy stride, it’s then when I notice his Jeep at the
end of the parking lot. I don’t turn from the changing sky because I know he’s
headed straight for me and I’m not ready to face him yet. He stops just behind
me and doesn’t say a word but soon his strong fingers push away my own and
start working on the knots in my shoulder I was trying to loosen. I sigh from
the pleasure, leaning against him, and inhaling his fresh spicy scent from the
shower he’s just taken.
“Tough day?” he asks into my ear, and I can’t help but lean into his strong
frame even further.
“You don’t even know.” I groan out.
“Oh I have some idea,” he says with a small chuckle.
“Really now.” I turn towards him with a suspicious glance and a quirk of my
eyebrow. He twists my shoulders so I’m facing forward again and he continues to
work out my knots.
“Well Ms. Trinket likes to gossip with me after class.”
“Well that’s splendid.” God I don’t even want to know what she told Peeta, or
potentially others.
“Come on, let me drive you somewhere. I can find ways to help you to relax.” I
can practically see the smirk on his face.
“Ugh, that was cheesy Peeta, I answer elbowing him hard the ribs. He gives a
small “oof” before grabbing me around the waist and lifting me up.
“What are you doing?!” I practically screech as he waddles with me in his arms,
swinging my legs like they are a fulcrum.
“I’m walking you to my car m’lady,” he says with an affected accent.
“I can use my own two legs to walk,” I answer, pressing down on his arms to no
avail, only making him laugh harder, so I give up and cross my arms tightly
until he gets me to his car. He gently turns me around and his eyes are
sparkling with such merriment my trusty scowl breaks as I fight the smile on my
face.
“You’re ridiculous,” I manage to say, before he pulls me in and kisses me hard
on the mouth.
“I know,” he finally answers after he pulls back slightly. I scan the parking
lot and see that it’s still empty and sigh relief.
“We can’t make out in our Catholic school parking lot,” I say firmly as I push
him slightly away from me. Not that it would matter if someone was actually
around. Pink spreads through his face as he rubs the back of his neck. His
breath starts slowing in an obvious sign he is trying to calm himself down.
“Where do you want to go Katniss?” He asks like nothing has happened before
opening up the front passenger door like a gentleman. I shake my head and can’t
fight the smile that he can make a 180 so quickly.
“I’m sorry Peeta, I have to go home. I promised my mother I wouldn’t be late
and I definitely don’t need another meeting in Mother Sae’s office.” He nods
his head without asking any questions and hops into the car on the other side
as I slide into my own seat.
The drive is silent, the heat simmering between us before now gone, and I try
to ignore the burn in chest at the slight regret for slowing him down. I didn’t
want to slow down and that’s the problem. We are both in our own worlds as he
drives and my skin starts to feel itchy from the questions emerging from the
back of my own mind. I can’t shut up Jo’s voice cautioning me from starting
anything with him. I look over at him, his teeth biting down on his lip as he
concentrates on the road, damp hair curling wildly and cheeks still pink from
earlier. He looks like an angel, and I know he’s not at all. I know Jo’s words
are a manifestation of my own protective walls telling me to keep people like
him out.
Before we get to the house he suddenly pulls over and he turns serious eyes on
me.
“What’s going on Peeta?” Immediately pops out of my mouth.
“Now don’t be pissed,” he says putting a hand up. Oh those four words, how can
I not put a wall of defense up when he says something like that. “I know you
don’t like me interfering in your life but it just happened.”
“What happened Peeta.” He rubs the back of his neck, a habit I am quickly
learning is a sign of nervousness. And then he just let’s it out… fast.
“I was with my dad at a party with his business associates, and Rue’s parents
were there. I got to talking and mentioned how great Prim was and completely
talked her up. So that’s why they consented to letting them hang out again.”
He bites his lip, looking expectantly at me and a little frightened, as I sit
in silence processing his word vomit. The picture of Prim today pops into my
mind, seeing her smiling and chatting with Rue. The one bright spot in this
whole miserable day was seeing her happy in that moment. And I also reflect on
Peeta stopping in the parking lot when I asked him too. He could have kept
pressing me, but he didn’t. Damn it, that boy likes to challenge me, but not
where it really counts. All of Jo’s words and those damn walls crumble as I
look into those soft pleading blue eyes of his.
I lunge towards Peeta, grabbing him by the shirt, and press my lips hard on
him. He’s stiff from surprise but quickly responds, pulling me awkwardly in his
Jeep so that we can be as close as possible with the armrest between us. But
neither of us care as our lips move urgently against each other and our kisses
increase in intensity. Peeta’s insistent tongue pries my mouth open, while I
run my fingers through his soft hair. I finally pull away to catch my breath
and he has the goofiest grin on his face, relief evident.
“So I take it you’re okay with it?” He asks nipping at my neck.
“Yes,” I huff out before pushing him back. “But don’t interfere with my life
again without telling me first, got it?” He nods his head, trying to look
serious before he gives up and starts kissing my neck again, gently traveling
up with gentle kisses before I grow impatient, and seek out his lips again with
my own.
God help me, he makes me forget all my doubts. I want to trust Peeta so much it
hurts but caring about Peeta is completely terrifying. I’m always walking on
that cliff’s edge. But I can’t stop what’s happening between us, and for once,
I don’t want to.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks everyone for hanging in there! We are roughly half way there
     so buckle in, it's going to be a bumpy ride. And as always, comments
     are appreciated.
     Tumblr: dianaflynn22.
***** You're never gonna fit in much, kid *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
I bang my stupid locker in frustration, failing to open it for the third time
and wince at the sharp pain that shoots through my hand. My window of time is
short so of course it chooses now not to cooperate with me.
“Shouldn’t you know by now? Gentle strokes always gets the job done.”
I look over to see Jo smirking at me, arms crossed as she leans against some
lockers and obviously holding in her laughter.
I roll my eyes, not hiding the disgust on my face. “Does everything have to be
a sexual innuendo with you?” I ask, but I really don’t want the answer.
It definitely hasn’t been a good morning. Hazelle had to take Pansy to the
doctor so I was forced to take the bus which of course was late. When I entered
the school, my backpack was immediately thrown into the garbage, courtesy of
the always lovely Cato and Marvel. And now I’ve been struggling with my locker
for the last five minutes with no luck and only mounting frustration. I try one
more time, turning my back completely towards Jo so I don’t have to see that
stupid smirk. This time with a deep breath and a loads more patience I finally
hear that beautiful click that says I’ve succeeded.
“Some of us have a gift,” she says breezily, like her mere presence magically
opened it. Before I can stop her, she bends down to pick up a paper that has
fluttered down to the ground. “And look at this, a note that looks like it was
written by a boy…” Her face takes on an appearance of a cat who just cornered a
mouse, and cold dread pools in my stomach.
I try to grab it, abandoning my books to the ground, but she steps back and
holds it out of reach. She’s already a long limbed girl, and her dress code
inappropriate platform boots add at least 4 inches, so of course I’m at a
complete disadvantage with my shorty frame.
“It’s not a note from a boy,” I lie.
She rolls her eyes, obviously not buying it. “Yeah because girls have chicken
scratch like this. And who besides yours truly would actually leave you a note.
So try again loser,” she laughs. “I also know the jackass who’s handwriting
this belongs to. I take it this is his lame attempt as an apology for
homecoming. What, no Hallmark card?”
That “H” Word sends prickles down my spine like I’m a porcupine ready to
attack. I give up my sad attempt to get back the paper, ready to throw her and
it down the stairs. I don’t want to know what he’s going to say anyway. I bend
down and cram my books into my bag intent on leaving.
Homecoming wasn’t really a big deal anyway. We made it clear to each other that
we weren't really a thing. What the hell did it matter if Mr. Homecoming King
took Glimmer to the dance and they looked like the perfect Golden Couple. Okay
so he didn’t technically take her as a couple; they went in a big group, but
still, everybody assumed they were together anyway. Especially since she was
crowned Homecoming Queen.
Staring down at the crumpled paper, I find myself shaking and I finally had to
admit to myself that it stung a bit. Especially since he didn’t come see me at
Finnick’s house that night. He always came after he has been with THEM so we
could fool around. But this time, it’s hard not to feel like I was left waiting
around like a fool.
“Hello Brainless… Do you want this or not?” Joanna waves the note in front of
my face. I had been so stuck in my head I have no idea how long she’s been
doing it.
“Not,” I answer pushing past her, but she grabs my arm and deftly stuffs the
offending piece of paper down my shirt and snuggly into my bra.
“I told you to be careful with him,” she says before settling her messenger
back more comfortably on her shoulder, apparently ready to take off.
“But you won’t tell me why!” I practically plead as she is about to turn the
corner.
“Not my story to tell,” she yells over her shoulder. Just then the bell rings
and I mutter “shit” and start running in the opposite direction that she’s
going.
All I need is to be late for my meeting with Father Abernathy. It’s been over a
month since we’ve started our counseling sessions and I still don’t know why
the hell I’m there. He doesn't push me to say anything and mostly sleeps on his
couch while I sit there defiantly staring at nothing. I’d call it a victory if
he didn't give me a smug look at the end of each session with a “See you next
time sweetheart.” I can’t stand the old bastard.
The final bell rings just as I’m about to push the door open and I close my
eyes for a moment in frustration, before shoving it open.
“You’re late,” he states, looking at me from over his coffee cup. Surprisingly
he’s seated behind his desk for once. “You’re racking them up. I think you need
detention.”
“What!? I was barely behind the bell!” I stutter out, feeling my face turn red.
“Yeah well, it’s time you learned your lesson and all that. Room 201, after
school.” I squint suspiciously at him. He’s never cared about timeliness, and
doesn't seem to now.
“I’m already seeing Mother Sae every day after school so I can’t make it. Too
bad,” I answer, shrugging my shoulders and plopping in the chair facing him,
swinging one leg over the arm.
“Oh she’ll approve of this, don’t stress about it sweetheart,” he answers,
looking entirely too smug.
“What game are you playing?” I more accuse then ask. He just shrugs and makes
his way to his saggy couch and slumps down on it.
“I don’t know what you are talking about sweetheart. I’m only being the
disciplinarian I’m supposed to me. So sit down, we’ve got an hour to kill.
Let’s get this rolling.” I just cross my arms and stare him down without a
response.
“What shall we not talk about today?” He asks more to himself, and I still
don’t respond. It’s a dance we’ve become well used to.
“Hmmm, maybe we should talk about how you hate your sister.” I open my mouth to
protest before I see that challenge in his eyes so I shut it and slump back
down in defeat.
“You know I don’t hate her.” I reluctantly say. I just can’t have vile words
out there like its the truth.
“No, I don’t know you don’t hate your sister. I know nothing at all. So I’m
assuming you hate her based on the fact that you A) never talk about her B)
don’t hang around her at school and C) you hate just about everyone. Am I
wrong?”
Like usual the silence stretches between us but this time something has
changed. This time he really wants an answer from me and his eyes are clear of
their usual apathetic haze. His will is more stubborn than mine today and I
huff in frustration.
“She doesn’t deserve me as a sister. That’s why I stay away,” I reluctantly
blurt out.
“And why is that?”
“Because she is everything good and sweet that I’m not. She doesn’t fuck up
like I do. She lost her entire life because of me and yet she still doesn’t
hate me for it. She deserves a sister she can be proud of. And I’m not that by
a long stretch. So I stay out of her way so I can cause the least damage as
possible.” Fuck, it was like the damn floodgates were opening.
If a person could sink into their chair until they disappeared, I wish that
would be me. Silence stretches again and I’m resolved to say nothing else. But
as the clock ticks loudly and he waits patiently, my nerves fray.
“Well say something,” I burst out.
His eyes look sharply at me, even if everything else about him is relaxed and
at ease. “I’m not going to say you deserve your sister’s love. Again, I don’t
know you enough. But maybe you should start doing the things she’ll be proud
of, if that's obviously so important to you.”
“Some decisions are out of your control,” I mutter defiantly.
“Like stabbing a teacher?” He challenges, but then immediately he waves his
hand, brushing away an answer I wasn’t going to give anyway. “I’m not talking
about the past. I’m talking about what you can do now.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re in a new town, new friends, new school, all that shit. Maybe you should
give yourself a chance to be new you, at least an improved you.”
“Not when your past follows you,” I mutter.
He just shrugs like it doesn’t matter. I stare at this man, trying to puzzle
out if he actually cares or not about me or if this is just another sick game
played by an asshole adult.
“So tell me about this sister of yours, what makes her so special?” I want to
shut him out, not give in to his obvious attempts to get more out of me. But I
never actually get the opportunity to talk about Prim, to brag about her. So
before I can stop myself I am just going off on everything I love about her. I
am recalling when she was a little baby, a determined toddler and a focused
child. I realize all the good memories of my life are wrapped up in that petite
loving blonde girl.
The bell rings and it startles me to an abrupt stop. I hadn't realized I’d been
talking so long.
Father Abernathy gives me a knowing look but doesn't say anything.
“I better go,” I say awkwardly as I push myself up.
“Yeah, you wouldn’t want to be late for another class. More detention would
just be awful. Mr. Blake’s office after school, be there.
He gets up himself and moves to his desk, not giving me another look. And that
is pretty much the end of my session.
I numbly go from class to class bouncing between what Abernathy said and
berating myself for actually revealing so much stuff. I feel like if I was
playing a chess match with Father Abernathy, he’d be two moves ahead of me.
It’s not until the bell rings for lunch and I scratch my chest absentmindedly
as I get up out of my seat that I realize the stupid paper note is still stuck
in my bra. I finally open it and read in Peeta’s scrawling handwriting,
“I’m sorry. Please meet me at our spot at lunch. -P” That’s it. I roll my eyes
at the short amount of words, but I head over there anyway.
_______________________________
The library is virtually empty when I walk in. It’s not like stacks of dusty
books full of more learning is a popular hangout spot on the best of days, but
on a sunny beautiful day like today, not even the bookworms want to be inside.
So besides myself, and the librarian typing away at her desk; there are only
two of the most dedicated students, Beetee and Wiress whispering to each other
in the corner. That’s it, no other studious students in sight. And I’m not
exactly going to be reading.
I don’t dare look up at the librarian Mrs. Cecelia as I head to the back
aisles, weaving through them until I get to an isolated spot nobody dares to go
to - the religious history and theology section. It’s a beautiful corner that’s
quiet, has sun streaming down from a glass stained skylight and a perfect place
to take a nap. But I didn’t come for a nap either.
“Hey Kat,” Peeta looks up at me from his spot on the ground, giving me one if
his most charming and artificial smiles. The kind of smile I really hate. He’s
sitting against a wall, legs split wide, his arms on his knees. His hair is
going in all directions, the bags under his eyes are heavy, and that smile
looks ready to crack. This is not a good day for him, and I can practically see
the pressure he is under is physically bowing him.
Impulse takes over and I crawl between his legs, curling my head onto his
chest. One of his hands start running through my hair, releasing the tight
braid while his other entangles my hand and I hear him let out a big breath
like he’s been holding it all day.
“Bad day?” I ask, breathing in his spicy scent, enjoying his warmth surrounding
me and pushing away all the reasons why I was pissed to begin with.
He gives a dry chuckle. “Bad life,” he states. I look up into those deep ocean
blue eyes and see he is dead serious, and a frown forms on my face.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’d rather not.” His eyes burn with intensity before he dips down to give me a
deep, almost bruising kiss. His tongue is insistent as it breaks the seal of my
mouth, and I moan, allowing him to go deeper. He is in complete control as he
invades over and over again. All I can do is hold on to his shirt, pulling it
tightly as I try not to get completely lost in him.
He finally breaks away and our heavy pants wash against each other. It’s hard
to catch my breath, and I feel like I just finished a triathlon. It takes a
moment before he speaks again. “There are so many things I’d rather do than
talk about what’s not important,” he says with a sly smile on his face and I
only partially believe him. I highly doubt what’s bothering him is not
important.
“Anyway,” he continues, pulling me closer and starts to nibble my neck. I
wiggle slightly at the fissures of heat running straight down to my thighs and
I do my best to repress any uncharacteristic giggles. The horror. “I need to
find a way to apologize to you for homecoming.”
I push him back with that cold dose of water and look at him hard. “You think a
few kisses count as an apology? This will never count as an apology. Anyway it
doesn’t matter. It’s not like we are committed to each other or anything. So
whatever.” Okay it’s more than ‘whatever’ but he doesn’t have to know that. And
my feelings are nothing I want to talk about. Especially since he’s so
unwilling to share his own.
Now it’s his turn to look at me with a disbelieving expression as he shakes his
head. “I should have at least warned you I’d be going with her. That was a jerk
move. So I need to apologize anyway. No matter what you say.”
“Ok” I say with a shrug, looking at our clasped hands. He lets go of my hand to
push up my chin so I have to look at him.
“I’m sorry,” he says so sincerely it’s captivating. “I wish I was a different
person for you.”
I nod my head, the knot in my throat making it difficult to speak. “I
understand,” I answer even if it’s not quite true. He looks like he is about to
say something more, but I shut him up with my own deep kiss. I run my hands
through his riot of curls, as I rise over him, crawling onto the top of his
lap. When he moans my name, I know I’m successful in making him forget anything
he was going to say.
It’s risky what we are doing in the library, we could get caught any time, but
I can’t stop myself. I am on the lap of my not really boyfriend, in a religious
section, basically dry humping him. His fingers press sharply in my ass as my
hands are tug his hair while we both try not to make any noise. It is the
hottest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Peeta clouds my brain until I don’t
know up from down. All I know is that I never want to stop what we are doing.
And I have a feeling if we talk, then us as we stand now will stop being.
The bell rings indicating it’s the end of lunch and we both softly groan in
disappointment. I get up first, and offer him a hand to pull him up. I roll my
eyes and can’t hide my smirk as he pulls a comb out of his pocket to smooth
down his curls to be the perfect hair I’m used to seeing, at least when I’m not
wrecking havoc to it. The bastard just winks at me before sliding his comb in
his pocket again.
“So I’ll drive you home after game practice?” He asks while he runs his index
finger up and down my collar bone.
“Of course,” I reply before giving a big groan. “I forgot I got detention today
from Father Abernathy. Can you believe it? I was only a little late.”
“You get detention? Never!” He says in mock shock. I slap him hard on the arm
and he backs away, hands up in surrender.
“Shut it. Anyway, the time I leave shouldn’t be any different, but wait for me
okay, just in case I’m late?”
“Sure thing,” he answers, giving me a soft kiss on the lips. “See you after
class!” He waves as he jogs away and I let him go, waiting a half minute so I
don’t look like I’ve just met him in the stacks to make out.
I suddenly realize that I am going to be late to another class yet again and I
make a break for it. Just as I exit the library I slam into a body that
immediately pushes me back and sends me crashing on my ass.
“Watch it loser.” I look up to see Glimmer glaring down at me in disgust as she
swipes down her pristine uniform. “I still can’t believe they let garbage like
you in this school.”
I get up slowly, trying not to lose my temper. I don’t need to get in anymore
trouble. Just as I’ve fully straightened I see her staring over my shoulder. I
turn around and see Peeta’s bright blond hair go around the corner of the
building. She turns to me and squints her eyes suspiciously.
“Don’t even think about trying for what’s out of your league,” she says in a
low dangerous voice.
“I don’t know what your talking about Glimmer.” But I just can’t stop my my
mouth from running. “I don’t have to try like some people.” I brush past her,
making sure not to touch her, and don’t look back. That bitch.
__________________
I just stare at the room number as dread pools in my stomach, knowing I should
have opened the door five minutes ago, but I just can’t do it. It’s the music
room. I can't believe Abernathy sent me to the goddamn music room.
The door opens abruptly in front of me, and I jump back. My eyes feel as wide
as saucers while I take in probably the coolest person I have ever seen. Just
all of him is pretty damn awesome. From his perfect close cropped Afro, his
golden skin, how he’s dressed in black from his shirt to his leather pants,
snakeskin boots, all the way to the multiple studs in his ears and to top it
all off gold eyeliner. This man looks like he should be on a music stage not
teaching in a Catholic school. He pretty much looks nothing like my previous
piano coach, which is at least helpful in easing my nerves.
“You must be Katniss,” he says. I blink realizing he is talking to me and has
his hand out to shake it. My brain slowly starts working again and I give him
mine. His is warm, slightly calloused but comforting and for some odd reason I
immediately want to trust him.
“I’m Cinna Blake, but you can just call me Cinna. Come on in,” he says nodding
his head towards the entrance before walking in with a confident swagger.
I follow slowly, feeling my legs stiffen at the site of the grand piano
featured prominently on the center of a small stage.
“So I heard you can play,” he says while picking up sheet music scattered
around the room.
“You don’t expect me to, do you?” I blurt out in a panic.
He gives an easy laugh as he walks over to a desk with an insane amount of
paper stacked up high. “No. This is detention remember?” He indicates for me to
walk over and picks up part of the stack. “These compositions have been piling
up over the years and need to be sorted. Take these post-it notes too. If the
work is incomplete, write so on the paper. Feel free to make yourself
comfortable wherever you wish.”
I blink at him, completely in disbelief at the easy job I was just handed. I
thought I would be scraping gum from underneath desks or writing a stupid essay
on the error of my ways. I say “okay…” mostly under my breath and head to the
bottoms steps of the tiny stage. I want to make sure I can leave in plenty of
time to see some of Peeta’s practice before it’s over so I get to work with a
focused intensity.
It’s a headache for sure, but I quickly find an easy way to organize and sort.
I’m familiar with a good two thirds of what’s in front of me and the notes fill
my head as they float past me, each setting off memories, good and bad.
The once quiet room is suddenly filled with music and I look up to see Mr.
Blake… Cinna on the piano. He plays beautifully, his long slim fingers
practically floating over the keys but my teeth are set on edge by the fact his
playing is hindered by the slightly out of tune piano. Most people wouldn't
notice, but I unfortunately can. Each wrong note makes the muscle in the back
of my neck twist tighter and tighter.
“Stop!” I suddenly yell, startling even myself. He just looks up with a raised
eyebrow. “Sorry but your piano is out of tune. It’s driving me crazy,” I spit
out suddenly and probably impatiently.
“We only get this tuned once a year, if that, what with our budget. But it’s
mostly in tune right now.” I huff at that and get up, scattering the papers I
had on my lap. “Do you have any equipment to tune the piano?” He looks
perplexed and amused by me but still points to an old cabinet in the corner
where I find a bag with a tuning piano lever, electronic chromatic tuner and
mutes. They are old, very old, but the they’ll do.
I chuck the tuner, proceed to open up the grand piano and start to work. Cinna
helps by hitting the keys I instruct, and soon I am completely wrapped up in
what I’m doing. Every time I catch a glimpse of his face, I can see he’s
becoming impressed but I try to ignore the building sense of pride and not to
look up too much as I continue my work. When I’m done I start wiping the piano
down with a soft cloth in the bag as Cinna starts playing a random tune.
“Katniss, this is amazing. You have perfect pitch.”
I just shrug, continuing to wipe the grand piano carefully. Being able to hear
a correct note has never done me any good. Pretty much the opposite. “My father
used to tune pianos on the weekends. Didn’t pay him much but he love’d to do
it. When I was little he used to take me with him. I would lay under the piano
listening to him tune it while I read or drew. Anyway, soon enough I was
helping him, and he used to say he didn’t need a tuner when he had his
mockingjay.”
“Do you play as well?”
“Yep, he taught me that as well.” I can’t help but answer with pride. “He could
sing beautifully too. Mom would say the birds would stop to hear him sing.”
“I bet you play as good as you tune. Why don’t you join one of our classes? We
could use someone like you.” I just shake my head and give a small ‘no thank
you’, before moving to the stack of papers. He smiles gently me with curious
understand but not at all looking upset at my answer.
“Well feel free to use the piano if you’d like. I’m usually here late too.”
“Maybe.” Is all I can answer, too many emotions warring inside of me to give
any more than that.
“Katniss…” he says gently and I look up with a wary eye. “I think detention was
up an hour ago.” Oh shit! Where did the time go? I leap up, and grab my bag,
rushing towards the door with a hurried thanks to Cinna.
There is no way Peeta is still waiting for me and I start mentally trying to
figure out the bus route. I head towards the parking lot anyway, even though
it’s a long shot, but when I emerge, there sits his Jeep, one of the last
remaining cars there, parked at the end of the lot. I jog up to it, hugging my
arms to my body in the chill air and approach the driver side window. I peek
in, and find him sound asleep and softly snoring. I take a moment to
contemplate his angelic features, rarely getting the chance to take in all the
details. I focus on the light freckles on his cheeks, the long blond lashes
that flutter slightly but I frown when I see the heavy bags underneath his
eyes. Even asleep hie looks like he is carrying a weight on his shoulders.
I decide that I’ve looked like a creeper long enough and softly tap the window.
He startles awake but smiles in that sweet way that makes my heart stutter when
he see’s me.
He opens the door, and immediately folds me in his arms when he steps out.
“Hey, you’re out of detention, how did it go?” He asks, nose burying in to my
hair.
My own heads nestles in the crook of his neck and I enjoy his fresh from the
shower scent. “It went okay. Better than I expected. How about you? Ready for
the big game?”
He just shrugs, the corners of his mouth tightening a little bit. “Let’s get
you home before your mom worries,” he finally answers. I don’t want to push him
so I just get into the car and he peels out of the parking lot with the screech
of tires.
We don’t talk while he drives, a weird weight hanging over us, but he takes my
hand and kisses it at every stop, and it gives me a warmth, a feeling that he
doesn’t want to let go. But the ride is too short and soon he pulls up to
Hazelle’s house, he pulls away and I’m suddenly so cold. I wish it felt like my
home but I still feel like an intruder crashing where I don’t belong.
‘Good luck tomorrow Peeta. Whatever the result, I’m sure you’ll do great.” I
wince inwardly at that cheesy well wish, but I might not see him before the
game and I needed to tell him something.
“Thanks Katniss,” he replies, squeezing my hand before giving me a quick peck
on the cheek. I look over quickly to the house to see if anybody is looking and
to my relief it’s quiet.
I squeeze his hand back tightly before letting go. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I
leave and walk back to the house but can’t help but take a look back briefly to
see him peeling away. I feel a heaviness in my chest and a restlessness in my
limbs. Something is wrong.
My hand hovers over the doorknob as laughter floats from inside the house. All
it would take is one simple turn of my wrist and I’d be inside the warm
cheerful home. But suddenly my feet are taking me in the opposite direction, no
thoughts in my head, as I run in the direction of Peeta’s house; and I don’t
stop until I get there.
I reach his house in hardly no time and I grip the painful stitch in my side,
trying to catch my breath while I quietly approach his living room window. I
hear a woman screeching before I even get a chance to look in and my heart
drops as I finally take in the scene. Peeta’s head his hanging down, his
shoulders slumped in defeat as a tiny woman screams in his face. The drink she
holds in her hand sloshes around dangerously in her glass as she gestures
wildly and it’s clear to that she’s beyond inebriated.
“Why are you so damn late! Don’t make excuses about football practice because I
know what time it ends. I am not an idiot. Are you meeting some slut after
school. I bet that’s it. You’re nothing like your brothers. You’re completely
worthless.” I flinch as she slaps his face but Peeta on the other hand doesn’t
react, not even to touch his face where a red mark starts to shine.
“Now go up to your room. No dinner for you. I don’t want you to be around when
your father gets home. Go.”
“Yes ma’am,” he answers quietly before making his way up the stairs. I pull
away and walk around the side of the house where I see a light turn on. There
is a trellis that leads up to that window and I don’t even have to think about
my next move and I climb it with ease. This is nothing like climbing the trees
at home. I look in and to my relief I find Peeta on his bed. He is sitting with
his head in his hands, and I feel the pull to comfort him, so I tap on the
window. At first there is no reaction so I tap again, and finally his head pops
up.
Curious eyes widen with realization when he sees me but he jumps up and opens
the window, immediately grabbing me under the arms and hauling me in.
“Katniss what are you doing here?” He asks in an anxious whisper while
examining me. “Are you okay?” I can’t believe he is the one asking me that.
“Yeah I’m okay,” I reply, walking over to his bed and plopping down hard. “I
just missed you already.” His mouth upturns in amusement, and my heart does
that flutter again. I can’t believe I’ve turned into such a damn sap who just
wants to make him feel better.
“Oh really? After like twenty minutes you’ve missed me.”
‘Yep,” I say with a pop of my lips as I climb back further on the bed, lying
back casually. The relief on his face practically breaks my heart. The hope in
his eyes makes the scolding I know will get when I return home worth it. Peeta
crawls on top of me and I wrap my legs around his waist as my hands rub up and
down his tight back, trying to soothe him without words because I don’t even
know what to say about what I just saw. Peeta nuzzles the nape of my neck,
kissing softly as little grunts of pleasure release from him. He suddenly lifts
up, looking at me with serious eyes, the kind that speaks volumes.
“I missed you too Katniss.”
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for sticking with this story! It gets a little rough after
     this, but it will always be HEA for these two. Follow me on tumblr at
     dianaflynn22 and please let me know what you think.
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