Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2044632.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Metalocalypse
  Relationship:
      Skwisgaar_Skwigelf/Toki_Wartooth
  Character:
      Skwisgaar_Skwigelf, Toki_Wartooth
  Additional Tags:
      Self-Harm, Gore, Child_Abuse, Rape, Sexual_Abuse, Depression, Suicide,
      Graphic_Description, Violence, Abuse, Rape/Non-con_Elements
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-29 Chapters: 1/? Words: 1048
****** Give In To Me ******
by Elskari
Toki couldn’t remember a time when the rain had ever been this heavy. He hadn’t
noticed the carpet around his hand had grown wet and cold from the tiny
droplets that had escaped through the crack between the window and the frame.
He balled his hands into tight fists rhythmically to regain some feeling in his
fingers, wondering how long he’d been sat there, staring aimlessly into the
trees that stood at the back of the garden of Mordhaus. The strong winds blew
the rain inwards, dampening his face and his hair. Slender, nimble fingers
worked out the tangles that the wind ripped into his hair, still slightly
clammy and slow.
He gave a cold, somber sigh and dropped his hands down heavily into his lap.
The rain had always reminded him of the cold winters he spent working
tirelessly in Norway for what he thought would gain him his parents’ love. It
wasn’t a bitter thought, but more of a nostalgic one, and he welcomed it. He
welcomed the heinous thoughts as if they happy memories. He remembered every
word they said, every form of abuse they put him through, every scar they left
upon him; every scar he left upon himself. If he concentrated hard enough, he
could still feel the sting of the whips as they broke his skin or the feeling
of the knives their harsh words drove into his heart.
He never understood very much about the things his parents had done to him, he
didn’t know why they did it or how they could have put someone they loved ‘so
dearly’ through so much pain and suffering. He knew that he deserved it,
however, and the young man had come to decide that it was all he needed to
know. He was never good enough for them, and he deserved to be punished- made
better, he corrected himself, for them.
The small brunet was drawn from his thoughts by the sharp pain the was building
in the bend of his elbow. He looked down to be met with a dark, thick cut.
Blood dribbled over the edges of the wound like lava from a volcano. Drips fell
from the black, concealing carpet and onto his jeans. He was thankful he was
wearing black, as the blood stains would be hard to explain to the klokateers
that washed his clothes, not that they would ask. As he pressed his thumb onto
the cut, he noticed chunks of skin compacted under his short nails and dried
blood spread messily over the pads of his fingers.
“Du må slutte å gjøre det.” He whispered to himself, removing his thumb and
assessing the damage. It was shallower than most of the other self-inflicted
scars the littered his arms, but almost twice as thick than the ones a razor
would leave. He cursed himself for forgetting to trim his nails when he knew he
should have; a fresh cut meant weeks of hiding himself away in hoodies and long
shirts and the paranoia of someone finding out. His band mates would never
understand the things he had went through, and he almost didn’t want them to.
They were all very shallow minded in their own way and Toki knew that none of
them would be accepting and supportive.
“Tokis, ams you in here?” There was no warning before the door to his bedroom
was thrown open and a proud, blonde haired guitarist came striding in, granting
the younger man no privacy. Toki didn’t look up, feeling to ashamed to look his
friend in the face. Out of the corner of his eye, however, he noticed that the
guitarist was wearing nothing but pair of boxers as a poor attempt to cover a
raging erection. Even though Toki had only moved in with the band a few months
ago, it was not the first time Toki had seen his friend like this, and he was
sure as hell it wouldn’t be the last, he still couldn’t help himself from
shuddering as he watched the Swede dig around in his bedside table, looking
even more than desperate.
Out of all of the men in the band, Toki found that he connected most with
Skwisgaar, even in the very short time they had known eachother and even though
Skwisgaar had spoken to Toku the least out of all of the other guys; maybe
because the Swede could relate to the things that Toki had been through in
someway. The older man was more than happy to discuss his promiscuous mother,
brushing it off as if it was normal. Though he never spoke about how it made
him feel, Toki noted, and still could never find the courage to ask him about
it. Despite the similarities, Toki still chose not to open up to Skwisgaar,
telling himself that he just wouldn’t care.
“Whats you want, Skwisgaar?” Toki said quietly, knowing the taller man wouldn’t
answer him even if he heard him. It was a further few seconds before Skwisgaar
replied by holding up a small cardboard box wrapped in plastic.
“Don’ts know why you has them, Tokis.” The blonde stated, cocky smirk tugging
at the corners of his mouth as he begun feverishly unwrapping the box and
pulling out a handful of foil packets. “Nots like you gets any sluts withs me
around.”
The older man looked up at Toki then, who had turned back to the window as a
way of showing Skwisgaar he wasn’t listening. A very forlorn expression had
taken over Toki’s entire being, his eyes shined with sadness and his whole body
was slumped over defeatedly. He looked like a child as he sat cross-legged on
the floor, one hand extended out behind him and the other tugged almost
defensively into his chest. Skwisgaar watched him for a few more moments,
unsure if he should say something. He was never very good with comforting
people or dealing with emotions, but the sight of the smaller mans bloodied
fingernails made even his stomach drop.
“Tack.” He mumbled in a panic, the earlier confidence flooding through his
veins evaporating entirely. He left quickly, forcing himself not to look back
as he shut the door behind him.
Toki couldn’t remember a time when the rain had ever been this heavy.
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