Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11087094.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Kingdom_Hearts
  Relationship:
      Riku/Sora, Squall_Leonhart/Sora
  Character:
      Riku, Sora, Squall_Leonhart, Rinoa_Heartilly, Cloud_Strife, Kairi_
      (Kingdom_Hearts)
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-06-05 Chapters: 15/15 Words: 111801
****** Frog Prince ******
by moontear
Summary
     Sora's life was perfectly normal. He was in love with his best friend
     Riku and had even managed to keep that small little detail from him,
     and other than that, nothing special. That is, until the dreams
     started. The dreams about a frog prince.
Notes
     I am adding this to AO3 to move it over from fanfiction.net! The
     notes from this point forward will be the old notes written at the
     time of uploading on ff.net.
     --
     Disclaimer: I do not own Square Enix’s Kingdom Hearts, nor am I
     making any money off this fanfiction.
     --
     I owe an explanation for this, so I’m going to give it now and try to
     keep it short. Basically, I really love this story, and I know
     everyone wants to see it finished… but the only way that’s going to
     happen is for me to rewrite it.
     There’s several reasons. Here are a few: I started it about four
     years ago now. My writing’s improved a lot since then. There’s
     inconsistencies. I wasn’t satisfied with how Sora behaved the first
     half of the story. There were a few plot devices I brought in that I
     shouldn’t have that drove me nuts in the end. Bad decisions. I didn’t
     know the precise details of the plot until toward the last few
     chapters. I couldn’t keep up with the details, how many days had
     passed, et cetera… I was losing my drive on it, becoming unhappier
     and unhappier with each passing chapter.
     So this is the end result. I’m sorry, guys! I’ll totally understand
     if you want to give up now and be done with it. But if you have any
     faith in me or this story at all, please give it another chance? I
     love all of you! I’d be sad to see you go.
***** It's Just So Unrequited *****
Chapter Summary
     Disclaimer: I do not own Square Enix's Kingdom Hearts, nor am I
     making any money off this fanfiction.
Sora where are u?
 
I hissed out a breath between my teeth and snapped my phone shut, looking
around to Riku. It was already half past eleven, and from the looks of things,
despite the “brief stop” we were supposed to have made, we weren’t going to be
leaving anytime soon. Riku had his hand on some girl’s hip, his lips on her
ear, two empty shot cups and a beer bottle on the table in front of him. She
wouldn’t stop giggling. Whatever he was telling her must have been soamusing.
 
“Riku, come on,” I said at last, unable to contain myself anymore. I was having
trouble sitting still. My foot tapped impatiently against a steel peg of my
stool, and I kept plucking at the sweatband on my wrist. I really wanted to get
up, leave my friend here, and head out to where I was supposed to be. The only
thing was, I didn’t have a car, and Riku had driven us.
 
Kairi was going to killme.
 
“Sora, will you just knock it off?” Riku’s eyes were glazed with the liquor he
had drunk, and I frowned to see it there. I hated it when Riku got to this
point—he turned into such a total asshole. He was completely different than
when he was sober, not that he really stopped the whole asshole part… he was
just lessof an asshole. “Relax, have some fun. Drink. That’s the whole reason I
took you out, remember? You were whining about being stressed out from
school—well, now you can lighten up. Okay? Chill.”
 
We weren’t even supposed to behere. Riku was suave enough to pull off the
twenty-one look when he really worked at it, and the bouncer had barely spared
his fake ID a glance. I’d been scrutinized and twenty-questioned and only saved
by another bouncer coming out and telling him something urgent. I’d had my ID
thrust back at me and was ushered inside while my bouncer bent his head to hear
his companion better.
 
God, why the hell had I been stupid enough to come? I’d knownKairi was having a
party tonight at her house—if a somewhat more supervised one with less alcohol
and not as much techno music. Her parties tended to involve no more than ten
friends, movies, and… well… pretty much what consisted of a sleepover. I was
the only boy allowed.
 
I didn’t like the idea of never showing up. She was my friend, and I’d already
blown her off twice now in the last week because of Riku. Enough was enough.
 
A familiar song that had been grating on my nerves all month came on through
the speakers. Strobe lights scattered over the room, switching their rhythm
constantly. It was enough to give me a headache, as I’d taken to staring at
them for long periods of time and wishing that the minutes would inch by a lot
faster. It was packed in here, but then, it was a Friday night.
 
I hated this. I just knewmy sinuses were going to be screwed over to hell and
back the next day from all the smoke inhalation. And… what… that girl was
lighting up, asking Riku for a lighter, who said he didn’t have one—and was
turning to me.
 
“Hey, Sora, could you go and find Mikki a lighter?”
 
“No.” I set my jaw, hoping that I looked suitably peeved. Maybe if Riku took me
seriously enough, we could go. “God, Riku, just drop me off and come back.”
 
“You’re supposed to be hanging out with me. Forget that bitch.”
 
That was entirely the wrong thing to say. My temper already having been on thin
ice for the last half hour, I slipped off my stool and settled on my feet,
hands clenched at my hands. Riku couldn’t give it a rest! I’d told him again
and againnot to call her names, and he did so regardless, usually with that
infuriating smirk on his face like the one he was wearing now.
 
It was all so stupid. Kairi had turned him down back when she’d been a freshman
and Riku a sophomore. Two years later, and he still hadn’t let it go, reminding
me at every opportunity that she wasn’t a good friend, that she didn’t know me
like Riku did, she was a goodie two-shoes who didn’t know how to have fun, blah
blah freaking blah. None of it was true—well, she wasa goodie two-shoes—and I
hated how biased he was because his ego couldn’t handle being turned down.
 
“She’s not a bitch, Riku, and you’re being a real jerk.” I dropped my phone
into my pocket and sighed as I made my way down the slight platform our table
was on and into the main mass of bodies. I was going to have to take a shower
once I got to Kairi’s house and wash my clothes there to get rid of the
overwhelming smell of smoke, or my mother would notice the second I got home.
She hatedcigarettes.
 
“Sora, c’mon!” Riku’s fingers snagged over my wrist. I paused in surprise. When
had he leapt off his stool? “I’m sorry about what I said about her. But you’re
going to have way more fun here. Tidus is about to be here, and so is—”
 
I wrenched away from him. But of course. It was all about saving face. “I don’t
care, Riku, I want to get out of here.”
 
“Stop being so stubborn. I thought you liked Tidus. You guys get along great.”
 
That was only because I thought Tidus was extremely hot—not that I could convey
this to my very best friend. Riku pretended to be oblivious to things that
weren’t immediately obvious or didn’t directly concern him, and that was that.
 
“Look, Riku, I’m glad you gave me a ride here, and secured that ID for me and
stuff, but… I just—I don’t like this, this isn’t my thing.” I gestured to the
club at large. “I’ve already blown Kairi off enough. I’ll talk to you later.”
 
Riku’s lip curled. He never looked very pretty when he did that. “How the hell
are you going to getthere?”
 
“I’ll walk, Riku.” Disgusted with his behavior, I strode away from him. I had
to push my way through a lot of writhing bodies who seemed endlessly tangled
together, but eventually I made it toward the front of the club. I exhaled in
relief. I loved Riku, I did, it was just… lately…
 
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it free to see that Kairi was trying to
call me. Placing one finger against my ear to hear better and trap out the
sound, I placed my cell up against the other ear and hurried out the front
doors into the cool evening. It was like a slap against my face, and I breathed
in the crisp mountain air, not cloyed by nicotine.
 
“Sora!” Kairi said at once. “Where areyou? Why haven’t you replied to my texts?
C’mon, you know if you’re going to bail, you just have to say so! I don’t like
being ignored!” I could hear giggling in the background from her friends, and
then a particularly loud shriek. They were either watching a movie or playing
some sort of game.
 
“Um… well, you see…” I glanced over my shoulder, even though I knew it was
futile. Riku never chased after me. He made a point about it. Riku didn’t
chase. Every girl knew it. I, even though a boy and his best friend, was no
exception to this rule.
 
Shit.
 
Kairi wasgoing to kill me.
 
“…Could you come pick me up?”
 
===============================================================================
 
“…already have to wake up at the crack of dawn for drum line practice, and then
he went and kept you out so late, and if you had just listened to mein the
first place…”
 
I sighed as we pulled into my driveway. Kairi had complained all the way from
down in the valley to up around the mountainside to my neighborhood. Not that I
blamed her. This totally wasmy fault. I should have known from the start that
going into any club with Riku wouldn’t be a short affair. But—sometimes it was
so hard to say no to him…
 
Kairi tucked a strand of her pretty red hair behind her ear. “All right, Sora,
well. It’s a shame you couldn’t come hang out with us, but seeing as how the
party didstart at seven and it took you til midnight to get a hold of me…”
 
“I’m sorry,” I said again. I’d already apologized twenty times. “Please forgive
me?” I put my hands together and fixed her with my most pleading look, making
sure my eyes were really wide. I had been told that I had mastery over the
puppy dog expression, and by Riku nonetheless. “I won’t do it again.”
 
That made her roll her eyes, but she laughed. “Sora, we both know that’s not
true.”
 
“Yeah, well…” I dropped my eyes, mostly because I didn’t know what else to do.
She was right. Riku would crook his finger, and I’d come running. It had always
been that way, for as long as I could remember, and so far I hadn’t found
anything to do about it. Until I did, I supposed I’d always be there when he
told me to.
 
“Why are you friends with him?” Kairi softened her tone. It made my shoulders
draw up straight, defensively. I didn’t want to continue this conversation
anymore, not that I was rude enough to climb out of the car just yet. Kairi had
a right to state her opinion. I’d listen, and then I’d be gone.
 
I plucked at my sweatband. “I’ve known him since we were kids. Five and six.
You remember.”
 
Kairi twisted around in her seat so she could rest her cheek comfortably
against the headrest and studied me from beneath lashes clear of make-up. Kairi
was very pretty, and it surprised me that she didn’t wear any, but she didn’t
really need to, did she? Natural beauty and all that.
 
“Of course I remember, Sora. You’ve told it to me hundreds of times.”
 
“Then why do you ask?” I countered. I did my best to keep my voice even. I
didn’t want to snap at her. She didn’t deserve it. But honestly, she kept
bringing it up lately, and I didn’t know what to make of it. I wasn’t going to
drop Riku. And likewise with Riku, I wasn’t going to shoo Kairi out of my life,
either. The two of them were just going to have to deal.
 
“He treats you like crap all the time,” she murmured.
 
“Not allthe time…” I protested.
 
“You always do what hewants you to do, but the minute you ask him to do
something in return for you, he blows you off.”
 
I shook my head. “He’s busy…”
 
“With what? His social life? Please, Sora.” She brushed her bangs out of her
eyes. She’d gotten them cut recently so that they slanted a bit across her
forehead, and she didn’t like it. It was more of a nuisance to her than
anything else. “You can do better than that.”
 
“But you sound just like him.” I unlocked the door.
 
“I do not!” That drew her up straight in her seat. Being compared to Riku for
Kairi was like being compared to a slug. She found him absolutely repulsive. It
didn’t matter how good-looking he was, she couldn’t get past his personality,
which she found vile. I disagreed obviously.
 
“He tells me that all the time,” I said, and I stepped out into the crisp air.
The thing I loved about the mountains was that it was a high of eighty for
maybe two weeks in the summer, and as soon as autumn hit, you could see your
breath in the evenings or after a good rain.
 
“Tells you what?”
 
“That I can do better than that. About everything he doesn’t like.” I leaned
back into the car, one hand grasping the roof of it. Kairi drove a blue Neon.
“He’s my friend, Kairi, and I’m not getting rid of him, and I tell him the same
thing about you all the time.” She needed to think about that. They both did.
Kairi, fortunately, would at least consider it. Riku? Not worth his time of
day.
 
“You’re twisting this around on me. That’s just a way of deflecting it because
you don’t want to talk about it.” Kairi sighed and pulled her car out of park.
“All right, Sora, I’ll drop it for now.” She sent a faint smile my way. “Text
me after practice?”
 
“Yeah.” I smiled back, more widely. “Thanks for the ride. See you.” I tapped
the top of her car and then departed. Her lights flashed over the garage doors
as she backed out onto the street. I stood by the door to the mudroom and
watched her until she disappeared around the corner.
 
On the plus side, my parents weren’t expecting me for another hour, and they
were deep sleepers. The house could come down around them, and I’d sleep on.
That shower I couldn’t get at Kairi’s? Manageable now. Thank God. My mom could
be the sweetest lady in the world until she thought you were doing something
you weren’t supposed to be.
 
I suppose one might think that my hanging out with Riku would therefore make me
receive a lot of twenty-questioning from the parental unit. But that wasn’t
true in this case. One thing about Riku was that he totally had Mom wrapped
around his finger. She thought he was an angel. The way she gushed about him
was sickening—even disturbing, at times. Riku just found it funny. But of
course he would. It wasn’t hismom.
 
My shower went unhindered, and the parents were still sawing logs downstairs
when I made my way to my room. The master bedroom and two guest bedrooms were
downstairs, along with a den, living room, kitchen, and dining room. The
upstairs portion of the house had been added later, and there was a bathroom, a
study, and two bedrooms up there. I’d claimed one of them for my own.
 
The closet door was open. My uniforms for school were pressed and hanging up. I
tossed my dirty clothes from the club beneath some things in the closet with
the mental promise to head down to the basement later while the parents were at
work and get some washing done then. I couldn’t lie at all, and if Mom saw me
actually doing my own laundry… Well, needless to say, she’d confront me about
it.
 
I ignored my computer and collapsed on my bed, phone in my right hand. I knew I
needed to get under the sheets and curl up, plug my phone at its charger, but I
was just so freaking tired… The world was growing dark around the edges… My
lashes were falling shut… Couldn’t keep them open… so sleepy…
 
Girl you know I, girl you know I, I been feelin’, wake up in the late night
dreamin’ about you girl, and, girl you know I, girl you know I, don’t need
candles or cake, just need your body to make birthday sex, birthday sex…
 
I groaned and fumbled for my phone. Someone was calling me. God, what time was
it? I’d fallen asleep? I was on my back now… Oh, there was my phone.
 
“Nngh,” I said.
 
“Soooraaaaaaa.” It was Riku’s voice. Oh, of course. He’d programmed that
ringtone for when he called. That explained everything. “Sora, are you awake?”
Giggles.
 
“Wha,” I said. I blinked hard and sat up a little to spot my alarm. With
another groan, I fell back on my covers. “It’s five in the morning, Riku…”
 
What was he doing, calling me…?
 
Oh, right, he’d been drinking…
 
A lot…
 
Was this drunk dialing?
 
I had to be up in two hours for drum line practice.
 
Shit.
 
“Riku, not now, okay?” I flipped my phone shut and smartly shut off the ringer.
I tossed it and heard it thump on the carpet overlaying the hardwood floor
beneath my bed. With a mumble, I curled up on my side and pulled a pillow over
my head.
 
I hoped one day he got in trouble with the cops. Then it would make all of this
worth it.
 
===============================================================================
 
Water…
 
Water everywhere…
 
“Hey… my ball… where did it go?”
 
His ball, his ball… where did it go…?
 
Where did it go?
 
Where?
 
…where…
 
I couldn’t see very well. The water rippled, and it was dark, as though it were
evening. I had the sense that I was propelling myself up through a type of
cavern, except that wasn’t quite it… it was more like a well of some sort. The
walls were closed in on either side, comprised of stone, or at least that’s
what it looked like.
 
Someone bent over the well’s edge. I kicked my feet harder, eager to reach
them. Green eyes were peering down at me. Well, not directly… more like past
me… as if they were searching for something. Thin lips were pursed in distaste.
The water kept moving, so I couldn’t make out his features too well beyond that
except for also his hair… Silver strands. Lovely silver strands. They framed
his face.
 
I breached the surface of the water. Those green eyes blinked, refocused—on me.
Silver brows drew together.
 
I could see him clearly now. He was so beautiful… How could a boy look so
pretty? And it was definitely a boy. His jaw was too firm, too set to be
feminine. It was the only masculine feature on his face. I was almost proud of
myself for spotting it. At least I hadn’t been fooled! Not that it would have
mattered…
 
-Sora, wake up!-
 
No, not yet, I didn’t want to.
 
So beautiful…I thought again, wondering why the boy looked so familiar. Well…
not necessarily a ‘boy.’ He was more like a young man. He looked regal,
even—dressed in shades of black and deep emerald green, a sash around his waist
and a ring of silver around his forehead. A circlet.
 
I felt pained suddenly. Royalty…
 
But why so familiar?
 
“Great…”he said sourly. “Just what I need. A damned—”
 
That’s Riku!some distant part of me realized with a jolt.
 
My eyes came open to stare up into a shade of blue to match my own. My mother
was bent over me, her hands on her hips and eyebrows raised. For a long time, I
could only look at her, a lump lodged in my throat.
 
“How fair thee, Mother…” I murmured at last.
 
Those eyebrows pinched. “Sora?”
 
I shook my head and sat up. Well, thathad been weird. I bumped my hand against
my head a few times to clear it. “Sorry. I was—having a strange dream…”
 
“Where you talked Shakespearean?” Chuckling, my mother seated herself beside
me. “Look, Sora, you want me to wake you up, and then you don’t. What time did
you stay out last night?” She swatted me lightly. “We never heard you come in.
You can’t be doing that when you have practice. Now, come downstairs, I have
breakfast ready…”  
 
I wondered where my phone was, then remembered I’d tossed it away last night. I
didn’t have the energy to go under the bed to locate it. There were probably
three or four missed phone calls and no voicemails. He never left a voicemail
if he could help it.
 
I sighed. He probably wouldn’t even remember this when he woke up later this
afternoon.
 
“Come on, Sora, up, up!” Mom clapped her hands as she got to her feet.
“Breakfast! Your father’s waiting to drive you to the stadium.”
 
Right, right. Practice.
 
“All right, Mom, let me get changed first, geeze…”
 
===============================================================================
 
 
It felt good out, which was fortunate, considering we were decked out in full
uniform today and running our routine for the homecoming game in a week. The
air was dry, not that it was ever really anything else, and there was a breeze
going. Perfect conditions for practice. Could have used a pair of sunglasses,
though.
 
I let the rhythm of the drums center me. Riku had made fun of me more than once
for my chosen elective, but I didn’t care. I loved it, and plenty of people
thought it was cool. I didn’t need Riku’s approval for something like this.
Well… I had at first—then I’d realized I wasn’t ever going to get it for this,
and if I did everythinghe wanted me to, I’d never have anything fun for myself.
That was all there was to it.
 
See, Kairi, I can stand up for myself when I need to…
 
The birds in the area had long taken flight. We usually practiced at the high
school in the band room, but with the game so close, Mr. Clueball had really
wanted us out here on the field. Not that we were complaining. It felt good to
be out of that stuffy room for once. And we could move with our routine much
easier in the wide open.
 
We took a break an hour in, and while my classmates drew together and chatted,
I let my eyes scan the area. The only real friend I had besides Riku was Kairi.
Riku liked to hog all of my attention, and I never usually had any leftover for
anyone else. It didn’t bother me toomuch… after all, Riku was my best friend… I
didn’t really needanyone else, right…?
 
That was when I first saw him.
 
Him, not Riku.
 
He was walking down from the bleachers. He had to be a college kid, since we
were at the stadium for the university. I wasn’t sure what initially struck me
about him. I couldn’t see him all that well from where I stood. Something about
the way he walked, maybe, more a prowl than anything else—or the way the wind
was tossing his bangs into his eyes…
 
Brown hair the color of chocolate in the sun. Long legs. Jeans. A simple
Graphic-T. Black. I wasn’t close enough to see the designs on it. He had a pack
on one hand. It was missing a strap, and the one it did have was wrapped firmly
in his fist. Chain bracelets were on his left wrist, a leather band was on his
right. No other jewelry decorated his person.
 
He was—well—amazing, he—
 
…had… a blond man following him…?
 
I tilted my head to the side to get a better view, having to squint through the
sunlight. Another breeze kicked up. The blond had on a suit and was pressing a
phone to his ear. Why was someone out here in a suit? His pace quickened, and
he grasped a hold of Brunet’s arm. Brunet gave a visible sigh and drew his
fingers through his bangs to get them out of his eyes.
 
Curioser and curioser…
 
What were they doing out here so early in the morning? There weren’t any
classes on Saturday, and Brunet had a broken back pack anyway.
 
Blond pocketed his phone and bent his head to speak into Brunet’s ear. Brunet
gave a stiff nod, and Blond’s hand dropped from his elbow. They reached the
track and angled along it toward the parking lot instead of back to the school.
 
I had to twist all the way around to see them better, and that’s when I saw the
ear piece in Blond’s ear, just like he was a federal agent or something. Hm…
Brunet didn’t look like he was in trouble… It was odd.
 
My eyes lingered over Blond’s hair. It was about as spiky as mine, and a hoop
was in his right ear. I only noticed because the sun caught the silver. He was
an inch or so shorter than Brunet and just as slim. His lips were moving, but I
couldn’t catch a feedback from that, so he must have been murmuring.
 
“I’ve got it already!” Brunet snapped a bare second later, his voice whipping
out through the chilly morning.
 
Blond said something indistinguishable.
 
Brunet waved an aggressive hand and pressed his lips together.
 
“Hey, Shiozu!”
 
I jerked to attention and turned back around to find Mr. Clueball pointing at
me.
 
“You ready to join us now, or would you like another minute to get your head
out of the clouds?”
 
“No, no, I’m fine!” I said, and lifted my drum and sticks before rushing to
join my place in line.
 
I couldn’t help sneaking a quick glance back over my shoulder. That guy was
already retreating into the distance with his companion. Well, whoever he was,
I hoped I saw him again, though the chances of that were unlikely. He went to
college. I was still in high school…
 
“Shiozu!” Mr. Clueball barked again.
 
“Sorry, sorry…”
 
===============================================================================
 
 
The afternoon found Riku and me walking through our neighborhood. I’d been
surprised when Riku had called to ask me to “take a stroll” with him. We hadn’t
hung out just to hang out without any destination in mind for a while now. Ever
since we’d been in high school, actually. It was nice. I missed it being just
the two of us.
 
I told him about my dream, since he’d been in it. I didn’t dream all that
often, and usually when I did, the dreams were intense to the point where they
felt real. Even still, I’d never exactly had one like this before. Nothing
fantastical. This one, though, was definitely in that realm. I still didn’t
know what to make of it. Riku would probably only laugh—yup, and he was
laughing.
 
“So you dreamed about being in a well and seeing me waiting on the other side?”
Riku shook his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “What’s that even
supposed to mean?”
 
“I dunno,” I replied. “I just thought it was weird enough to talk about, I
guess…” I shrugged my shoulders, embarrassed. Why had I even bothered? Then
again, maybe there wasn’t much he could say to that. Even I might have only
been able to come up with, “Oh, okay, that sounds… cool…”
 
I glanced over at him. He had on a dark pair of sunglasses and his hair was
back in a high ponytail. He hadn’t shaved all day, and stubble was a shadow on
his jaw. The polo he’d thrown on was wrinkled in places like it had been
crumpled up into a ball and stuffed somewhere, and his pants had a hole at one
of the knees. His shoes were tattered.
 
His mother didn’t clean his room—and he didn’t exactly upkeep it—so clothes
were usually strewn all over the place. It looked exactly like he’d just
reached down and thrown on whatever was there. I probably wasn’t too far off
from the mark, either. When Riku was hungover, he didn’t really care about his
appearance, something he fought hard for when he was feeling one hundred
percent healthy.
 
“Ugh, why is it so bright out,” he groaned. “It’s like ungodly.”
 
“It’s not thatbad,” I said. It was mostly overcast.
 
“My head’s killing me… that Tylenol didn’t do shit…” We crossed the street away
from my house. The sycamore trees were providing shade enough that in all
actuality, Riku shouldn’t have been complaining about the sun at all. A
testament to his headache, I supposed. Why did he have to go drinking so much?
Why couldn’t he just find other methods of entertainment, like I did?
 
He glanced over at me. “Did you want to do anything in particular tonight?”
 
I hesitated. Riku’s idea of fun these days involved his other friends, and I
always felt like… not the third wheel, but just an unneeded presence in
general. I didn’t know how to have fun around them. If anyone picked on me,
Riku quickly reprimanded them—mostly because Riku thought hewas the only one
allowed to pick on me—but then they didn’t know how to talk to me
withoutpicking on me, and… anyway, it was just a fiasco I liked to avoid.
 
“I don’t…” I trailed off as my eyes tracked a familiar figure walking on the
sidewalk across from us.
 
It was that guy! The one from the university!
 
What was he doing here?
 
He had a sketchbook under one arm, headphones over his ears. I wondered who he
was listening to, what kind of music he liked, then shook the thought free. I
didn’t even know him… but I wantedto. He was just a cute guy—there were tons of
them. This was ridiculous! But…
 
Brunet hit the corner of the street we were on and went to the driveway of a
house directly across from it. Coincidentally, that house was only a block away
from me. I passed it all the time when I went on walks. Did he live there?
Maybe… It would be cool if he did. I could maybe accidentally-on-purpose run
into him one time.
 
A black-haired woman came out of the garage to meet him. She was clutching onto
a dog and was dressed in a pair of heels and skinny jeans with a billowy teal-
colored tank top. Brunet paused when he saw her, and the two exchanged words.
She was really pretty. Probably his girlfriend.
 
I felt my heart sink in my chest with disappointment. Of coursehe had a
girlfriend. Why wouldn’t he? Someone that gorgeous was bound to have one.
 
Beside me, Riku adjusted his sunglasses and sniffed once. “Who’s that?”
 
“Uhm… I don’t know… I saw him earlier today during practice.” I shrugged my
shoulders. “Guess he lives here.”
 
“No, not him. The girl.” Riku nodded his head to her. “She’s hot.”
 
I sighed.
 
Just then, a shiny black limo pulled up to the curb. The woman waved good-bye,
and Brunet gave her a set of keys. She hopped up onto her tiptoes and placed a
kiss to his cheek, her hand on his shoulder. He spared her a brief smile that
lit up her whole face and made my heart pound. I didn’t even know his name and
already I had it bad.
 
Brunet climbed into the limo. Pretty Girl disappeared into the garage, heels
clacking, and I heard a car purr to life. Moments later, and she reversed onto
the driveway in a 5 series BMW. I felt the cavity in my heart grow. If I’d been
disappointed earlier, it was nothing compared to now. I’d never even had a
chance!
 
What kind of life did these people live? Okay, so Riku and I lived in a good
neighborhood—in fact, it was the wealthier area. But these two? A limo and that
kind of car? They could have been elsewhere, somewhere much more luxurious than
this burned-out town that wasn’t going anywhere because the Union wouldn’t
permit anything new to build here.
 
A song rose through the air that I didn’t recognize. I turned around to see
Riku opening his phone to a text message.
 
“Well, I’ve got to roll out,” he said.
 
“Oh…” Our time together was over already, huh?
 
“Want to come?” Riku put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I tried to
ignore the usual fluttery feelings in my stomach that accompanied touches like
that. He wasn’t good for my health. Neither was being his best friend when the
feelings I had for him had gone beyond mere infatuation a long time ago. In
fact, most days it was a modern form of torture.
 
“Come where?”
 
“I’m goin’ to Tidus’s.” He grinned. “Tidus’s parents are holding a barbeque,
and their pool’s heated, so we’re gonna go swimming since it’ll be okay.
Tidus’s dad is pretty lax on underage drinking, too. You should go since last
night was such a bum. Come on.”
 
“Um…” I quickly shook my head in the negative and stepped back. Riku had left
his car at my house, so he’d have to follow me back home, but at least I could
put some space between us. “I don’t know, I don’t think so.” I didn’t wantto go
drinking. It just wasn’t my thing. Everyone always seemed to act like total
idiots on alcohol. Why would I want to do something like that?
 
As expected, Riku wasn’t happy with this answer. He frowned hard at me and
caught my elbow before I could get too far. “Please? Come on, Sora, have some
fun for once…”
 
“No, Riku, I…” I rooted around in my mind for some reason that would appease
him. Well, nothing would appeasehim. It was more like I needed to find
something that would make him let off, get off my case.
 
An idea lit. “Mom and Dad, you know… It’s Saturday, and they like to rent
movies, and it’s been a while since I just sat down with them just to hang out
with them.” Not everyone hated their parents. At least, I didn’t hate mine. I
liked them most days. We never had any real problems. Riku knew that. He’d buy
it. Maybe.
 
Riku gave me a long look. After thirty seconds, I started to fidget and had to
look away. Even from behind sunglasses, Riku knew how to stare me down into
submission.
 
“You’re totally lying,” he said.
 
Crap.
 
“Sora, come on. What do you have to do this afternoon, really?” He didn’t give
me a chance to answer—I got as far as opening my mouth, that was it. “Nothing,
that’s right. So why don’t you come with me? Tidus likes you, he thinks you’re
cool!”
 
“No one else does, though…”
 
He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “That’s because you never hang out with
us! What’s up with that, anyway? You never want to hang out with me anymore.
They don’t knowyou. You gotta give them a chance before they can form a real
opinion, you know. Come on, what’s the real reason you don’t want to go?”
 
I scrunched my nose up. He wanted to hear it? Fine. “I don’t want to be around
alcohol. The idea of getting drunk isn’t fun to me—”
 
Bursting into a laugh, Riku wrapped his arm around my shoulders and steered me
down the sidewalk back to home. “That’s so fucking sissy, Sora. Really? Come
on. You’re sixteen! You should at least be curious about it!”
 
Nope, and never had a drop of it in my life. Not that Riku would care. He’d
probably just use it as more ammunition against me.
 
“All right, we’re going to get you dressed, then we’re going to my house so
Ican shower and dress, and then we’re going to this party. I’m not taking no
for an answer!”
 
“Yeah, but you never take no for an answer,” I muttered.
 
“Hm, what was that?”
 
I didn’t bother responding. Another thing about Riku was that he always heard
what I said. By pretending ignorance, he gave me a chance to bite my tongue and
not get beat. Riku could and would win against me in a battle of strength or
wit. I was scrawnier than him, and when I was angry my thoughts didn’t work
quite as fast as his did. It was annoying. I’d learned to cope with it ages
ago.
 
While I showered, Riku dinked around on my computer. I had a moment when I came
back into the room to study his profile yet again. I did that often. Riku never
took notice. Maybe he was used to getting stared at for his looks, I didn’t
know. I just knew he was painfully beautiful, and it wasn’t fair to be around
him constantly when he had no idea how I…
 
Well, whatever.
 
My eyes falling away from his pretty silver hair, I trailed over to the closet
and began sorting through clothes. Riku heard the racket and hopped up to join
me. Between the two of us, we found a suitable pair of khaki cargo shorts and a
sky blue polo Riku had handed down to me when he outgrew it. I hadn’t minded.
Riku’s things were never worn out. His mother bought him new things all the
time, so in turn, the polo had also been practically new when I’d received it.
 
“Looks good,” he said approvingly. He took my sweatband off and then put his
fingers through my still damp spikes. “We’ll gel these up better when we get
back to my place. And get you some cologne. The girls like that. Ready to go?”
 
I bit back a remark about how I didn’t careabout what girls thought of me. He’d
look at me funny, and I was in no way ready to explain myself to him. I valued
Riku’s friendship. I wasn’t about to lose it over something as trivial as my
sexuality.
 
My phone dinged from my bed. Brightening, I picked it up and thumbed through a
few files. Oh, it was from Kairi. She hadn’t responded to me for a few hours.
 
Hey sora sorry i was busy with my little sister do u wanna do anything tonite?
 
A way to wrestle out of this ridiculous evening out I was about to spend with
Riku and his friends had just presented itself, and I seized it. Or, at least,
I was about to, until suddenly my phone was snatched out of my hands. I whirled
to see Riku backing away, his fingers moving over the keypad before he shut the
thing and pocketed it.
 
“Hey!” I said, seriously peeved. “What’d you do that for, Riku?” Had he been
reading over my shoulder?
 
“You’re spending tonight with me, not that—”
 
“Riku, don’t call her names!”
 
“Yeah, whatever.”
 
I held out my hand. “Give it back to me.”
 
“I will.” He grinned and strolled toward the door, hands in his pockets again.
“After we’re done hanging out with everyone tonight.”
 
I was so angry by this development I couldn’t even form words. I knew I was
sulking now, and I didn’t care. It wasn’t fair that he did that! And who even
knewwhat he’d said to Kairi… God, and the worst part was, I knew if I fought
him for it, I’d come out the loser, just like always. It wasn’t even worth
exerting the energy. With Riku, I couldn’t everprove my point. He’d just laugh
at me and call me a weakling.
 
“Oh, come on, don’t pout,” he chuckled as I followed him out. “We’re gonna have
fun, I promise.”
 
Then why did I have such a bad feeling about it?
***** Mixed Feelings *****
We could hear the music blaring from down the block as we pulled up into the
neighborhood in Riku’s yellow Mustang. It made me wonder how much trouble they
were going to get into with the noise violations. In our residential area on
top of the mountains, any type of noise like this wasn’t tolerated. If your dog
barked for more than five minutes, you got fined. Then again, Tidus’s father,
Jecht, was a retired star athlete, and he got away with a lot of things most
people wouldn’t.
 
The bass thumped against my ears. I knew that if I wasn’t attending this party
and I lived nearby Tidus, I’d be freaking pissed. How the hell would anyone be
able to sleepthrough this?
 
Riku parked his car on the curb, and we climbed out. People I didn’t recognize
milled over the yard in groups, and I couldn’t spot anyone without a cup of
alcohol or a bottle of beer in their hand. Most of them were older, likely
friends of Tidus’s father. I smiled politely at them when they glanced my way,
and Riku ushered us inside.
 
“You’ve got to be careful who you look at, Sora,” Riku muttered in my ear.
“These people are overly friendly when they’re drunk.”
 
I didn’t see how that was really a big deal, but I hadn’t ever been around
anyone intoxicated outside of Riku … and that normally wasn’t so great, so
yeah, I’d accept his advice.
 
“It’s different when you’re drunk, too,” Riku told me confidently. “Then
they’re easier to handle. Everyone is.”
 
That I wasn’t so sure about.
 
Riku put his hand on my shoulder, steering me through the foyer and out through
the house. I didn’t get much of a view of anything as an end result. A brief
glance of a staircase leading up to my right, an immensely sized kitchen to my
left with gleaming steel counters, a big screen TV that took up a good portion
of the wall it was on cattycorner to the kitchen, and then… we were outside.
 
I breathed in the crisp air as the music threatened to make my ears go deaf.
There were tons more people out here, a good portion of them in the pool. Two
girls I didn’t know squealed hello to Riku. He gave them a vague head nod and a
wave and pushed on my shoulder. I gave the pool a better look. It was a
volleyball pool, shallow on both ends with a dip in the center where a net
would go. There was one set up. Steam rose off the water.
 
Riku’s fingers pushed into my hair and pulled me against him. I stumbled into
him as my feet tangled. Why had he mussed my hair after he’d gone through the
trouble of gelling it up? Sometimes I’d never understand Riku, I thought
grumpily. At least he hadn’t gone over to the girls. My mood would have soured
more if I had to deal with him flirting with cute girls all night long.
 
The smell of barbeque wafted under my nose, and my stomach grumbled. There was
a grill set up in the corner by the house and against the far wooden fence. A
very tanned, very fit man was laughing raucously and flipping burgers. He had
on a pair of black swim trunks with orange flames licking up the hems of them.
Tidus’s dad. Anyone would recognize him if they saw him. A lot of people were
disappointed when he retired.
 
Tidus suddenly popped into my line of vision, and Riku halted us. Tidus
grinned—my stomach did a little flutter—and he passed a beer each to our hands.
I stared down at it, uneasy. Beside me, Riku popped his open with ease. I
wanted to whap him. He wasn’t oldenough for this… But I knew if I said
anything, I’d get laughed at, and I wasn’t in the mood for it tonight. Question
my morality if you’d like, but sometimes even goodie-two-shoes need a break
from being ridiculed.
 
“So where’s Mikki?” Tidus asked as Riku took a long swig of his beer.
 
“I didn’t ask her to come,” Riku replied.
 
Mikki? Oh, right. The girl from the club.
 
Tidus tilted his head to the side, eyebrows raised in curiosity. He got his
bright blue eyes and his soft blond hair from his mother. The rest—the slender,
trim cut of his body, the bronze skin of a god—came from his father. I could
ogle Tidus all evening and never get tired. “Why not?”
 
“Why would I?” Riku shrugged and brought the bottle back to his lips, his eyes
on Tidus. I recognized the first signs of irritation there. It was all in the
slight cut to his eyes. But Tidus wouldn’t. No one usually did. I knew Riku
best. It was both a blessing and a curse. Tidus could be oblivious to the fact
that he’d ever irritated Riku in the first place. I could see it immediately,
and I had to live with it afterward.
 
Riku handled me differently than he handled everyone else, anyway, but that
didn’t make it any easier. Like I knew him best, he knew me best. He knew the
fastest ways to piss me off… and on the other edge of that blade, he knew how
to worm his way back into my heart to make me forgive him. I hated and loved it
both.
 
“Because she’s your girlfriend?” Tidus laughed and rubbed a hand over the back
of his neck. He looked awkward. I didn’t blame him. Riku was being difficult,
vague.
 
Sighing and shaking his head, Riku lowered his bottle. “Mikki’s not my
girlfriend, Tidus. She’s got… waytoo much emotional baggage.”
 
I watched as Tidus’s curiosity deepened on his face. He was about as easy to
read as I was. He wouldn’t ever be able to hide how he was feeling. “How so,
man?”
 
“She just got drunk… started babbling about some guy named Nikki and how he
broke up with her, like, two days before she went to the club with me.” Riku’s
thumb circled the lip of his bottle. It was another sign he didn’t want to talk
about it. I knew all of Riku’s tells. He hated it when people probed into his
business. If I wanted you to know, I would have told you,I’d often heard him
say.
 
“Whoa, what? I thought you met her like a few weeks ago!” Astonished laughter
trickled from Tidus and crossed his face.
 
“I know, right?” Riku fingers dug in a little against his beer. His voice, on
the other hand, carried the appropriate tones of shared disbelief for the
conversation. “And I was like, ‘Whoa, I’m not dealing with this.’ And that was
it.”
 
I frowned. Why hadn’t Riku told me the particulars of his relationship?
I’dthought that he’d just met Mikki… apparently he hadn’t. They’d been seeing
each other for a few weeks instead of a few days? Geeze, didn’t he tell me
anything anymore? Not that I would have wanted to know about a new girlfriend,
but… that wasn’t the point. I was his best friend. He was supposed to keep me
updated on these types of things.
 
“Dude, I’m sorry…” Tidus was saying.
 
“Whatever, man, I’m over it. Anyway, what’s up with Yuna, how are you guys
doing?”
 
Was it my fault, like Riku had said? Because I didn’t hang out with them as
much anymore? So therefore how could he tell me anything? Maybe… the thought
didn’t sit well with me, yet I didn’t want to dismiss it entirely. It was
partly Riku’s fault, too… hewas the one who kept getting into things I wasn’t
interested in…
 
“Oh, we’re good, we’re good. It’s our six month anniversary in a few days.”
 
“Six month anniversary? Wow, so you’re one of thosecouples.” Riku smirked.
 
“Huh, whatcouples? There’s nothing wrong with celebrating, Riku.”
 
“Yeah, but six months? One year is a bit more to ‘celebrate,’ don’t you think?
Then again, I guess you haven’t ever been able to make a relationship last
beyond two weeks…”
 
“Hey! Keep it down, will ya? Yuna’s around here somewhere, I don’t want her to
hear something like that.”
 
“Oh, but I’m sure she already knows…”
 
I tried not to feel left out of the conversation or awkward about it. I didn’t
know who Yuna was, or even that Tidus had a girlfriend apparently, so it was
hard not to. But Riku had asked me to put on a brave front. I was going to do
my best. Even if it probably wasn’t going to go over very well.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
A half hour later, and there wasn’t much of an improvement to my situation. I’d
left Riku’s side and started to explore, as I hadn’t been able to keep track of
his conversation with Tidus. This sucked. In all that time, I hadn’t found
anyone I really knew, or anyone to talk to. I was sorely tempted to grab my
phone from Riku’s pocket while he was distracted.
 
I strayed near the pool’s edge, in an area where there weren’t as many people
so I wasn’t likely to get splashed. Taking a dip would be fun, except I hadn’t
brought anything to swim in. I didn’t want to get my clothes soaked. It wasn’t
like I could borrow new ones from Tidus. He was way bigger than me. Oh, well.
Swimming would have been preferable to doing nothing. I should have thought
about that before we’d left my house.
 
The water rippled and sloshed against the sides of the pool. Something about
the motion of it made my head tilt. A strange feeling of déjà vu hit me. For a
moment, I saw the dream I’d had that morning, the one about the well and the
princely Riku. The images were flickers behind my eyes, brief spurts of color,
sound, mostly mute and shades of gray.
 
Why did it feel so familiar…?
 
It was just a dream…
 
The water… the way it had distorted Riku’s reflection…
 
“—just what I need, a damned—”
 
“Sora.”
 
I jumped almost clear out of my skin when Riku’s voice sounded behind me. My
foot slipped on the slick edge of the pool, and I was going down—Riku caught my
elbow, yanked me back onto solid land. My heart pounded as I stared at the
choppy water. What a close call!
 
“What are you doing, zoning out over here? I thought you were supposed to be
hanging out with me,” Riku said wryly, his eyes flicking over me in unconcealed
amusement.
 
I huffed and pulled away from him to straighten my clothes. “Well, excuuuse me
for not being able to be interested—” I sullenly started, only Riku chose that
moment to interrupt. Of course he did. I couldn’t ever lob a protest against
him and expect him to actually pay attention to a word that was coming out of
my mouth. If it didn’t suit Riku’s purposes, he’d ignore it. That was just how
he was.
 
“You haven’t had any of your beer,” he said., and his eyes settled on me with
accusation.
 
I gave him a nervous smile. “Nope?”
 
“Not even a sip?” He sighed. “C’mon, Sora, that’s what we’re here for—to drink
a little, have fun, let loose.”
 
“I just don’t see how not drinking means I can’t have fun—”
 
“Let’s see what’s inside. We’ll do some shots. Get you warmed up.” Riku put his
hand at the small of my back and pushed until my feet relented and I had to
catch myself from tripping. I wanted to slap his touch away and be insistent on
my values, but I didn’t want to start a scene, either. I had to go along with
it for now.
 
But I couldn’t help but try one last time. “Why do we have to drink, Riku? Why
do you like it so much?”
 
He grinned at me. “You’ll see.”
 
That wasn’t as comforting as I was sure he intended it.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
As we headed back into the house, I caught sight of a girl. She was watching
us—well, Riku—pretty intently. Did she go to our school? I’d never seen her
before, yet… she kind of looked familiar and around our age. Short brown hair
that flipped out where it met her chin and green eyes bright enough to rival
Riku’s. Petite as hell, too. She was a few inches shorter than me, and I barely
came up to Riku’s shoulder. For the record, I was five foot five.
 
She tilted her head and smiled when she saw me looking at her. Great. Did she
think I’d help her get in with Riku? If so, she had the wrong idea by a long
shot. I never helped Riku acquire new girlfriends. I didn’t have the stomach
for it. After doing that the first few times… yeah, no, it wasn’t worth it
anymore.
 
“Riku, you know her?” I tugged at his arm to get his attention.
 
“Hm?” He glanced over, and his eyebrows rose. “Know who?”
 
With a slight frown forming on my lips, I looked back to where I’d spotted the
brunette. She was… gone? O-kay, if she was trying for the creepy factor, she
was most definitely succeeding. I couldn’t spot her anywhere, not even after
twisting my head in several different directions. She’d left, and she’d done it
fast.
 
“Never mind,” I muttered.
 
Riku laughed and put his hand over the back of my head. “And you’re not even
drinking yet. Priceless.”
 
“Shut up, Riku,” I protested.
 
“And why should I,” he replied, “when it’s so true?”
 
“It’s nottrue.” So I was pouting like a three-year-old. So what. Some habits
were hard to break. Though I’d deny I was pouting to my dying breath.
 
We wove through a few groups of people. They were clustered around the TV in
the living room, and I barely had time to give it another appreciative glance.
My dad had wanted one that big for a while now. Mom was talking about getting
him one for his birthday. We’d see how that went. If Dad protested too much
about bills, he’d wrangle Mom into not spending that much money on him.
 
Riku stopped. His eyes roved over the far corner where we were, behind the
leather furniture set and toward where the bar was. No one was behind it now.
Some glasses were missing from above, and the spots for the wine were mostly
empty. It looked like Jecht wasn’t a big wine drinker. Back in his day, he’d
done some advertising for beer. Not that that meant anything, but… well,
anyway.
 
“Tequila,” Riku said approvingly.
 
I made a face. I’d heard that stuff tasted God-awful. “Riku, can’t I try
something else?” Crap. Had those words really come out of my mouth? Already, I
was conceding defeat.
 
The glitter in my best friend’s eyes said he knew it. “It’s Patrón, Sora. It’s
the good stuff.” He climbed up behind the bar and grabbed four shot glasses. I
wondered who all he was intending them for besides ourselves. Odd.
 
“Riku, what…”
 
“These are for you.” Riku dug around in his pants pocket until he withdrew a
simple black hair band. He held it between his teeth, grabbed the tequila, set
it down on the bar’s top, and then quickly threw his hair up into a ponytail.
His bangs hung in his eyes. They needed to be cut, or at least that was what
his mom would say. Girls dug the dangerous look.
 
“Me?” I pointed to my chest. “Nuh-uh, no way…”
 
“Come on, don’t be such a damned baby.” Strangely, his voice didn’t carry its
usual ire like it did when he got fed up with me.
 
He poured the liquor carefully into each shot glass, probably only because he
didn’t want to make a mess on Jecht’s bar. Riku wasn’t the cleanly type, as I
pointed out before. It was a small blessing he had respect for other people’s
belongings. I wondered what his dorm room in college was going to look like
once he moved out of his parents’ house next year. Then again, with the whole
consideration thing, unless his roommate was just as messy…
 
Distract yourself all you want, Sora, you’re still looking at four shots of
liquor.
 
“Sora, here, look at me.” Reluctantly, I did so. His eyes met mine. “I
promiseyou I will be here for you one hundred percent once you do these. Okay?”
 
I wasn’t so sure…
 
He must have read it on my face. “Why can’t you trust me anymore?”
 
“It’s not that—”
 
“Then why won’t you relax around me?”
 
“Riku, it’s got nothing to do with—”
 
“It’s just a few shots, and I’ll be here the whole time. You’re my best friend.
I’m gonna look out for you.”
 
God, why the heck did I let him strong arm me into these sorts of situations? I
should have had the good sense to say no. Kairi was right (not that I’d ever
disagreed with her): I was hopeless when it came to Riku, and that hadn’t
changed in the last twenty-four hours. I wished it could have. Then maybe I
wouldn’t have been able to down four shots.
 
Bracing myself, I grabbed one and knocked it back like I’d seen Riku do it. It
burned all the way down and was the most awful thing I’d ever tasted. I
shuddered all over.
 
“That’s it, Sora, now the next one!” Riku encouraged.
 
Blargh.
 
“You’re not gonna chicken out now, are you?”
 
Bastard. Knew all the lines.
 
I did the second one with a bit more hesitance. My eyes were watering by the
time I got it down. I set the empty glass on the bar and shakily reached for
the next. This one and the last both went down harder than the first two, but
finally, finally I was done. All I could do afterward was stand there and
grimace horribly.
 
I was an idiot.
 
Riku hastily cleared the glasses away and then came around the bar to squeeze
his hand on my shoulder. “Hey, you all right? You did good, Sora.”
 
My head felt light. My chest was burning.
 
“Come on, let’s go sit down somewhere, let it sink in. I’ll do some, too.
Okay?”
 
I managed to nod. Tequila was disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. And Riku had
called me a chicken. I’d hadto do it. He’d never let me live it down otherwise.
Neither would my pride.
 
Godwas I an idiot.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Oh, yeah.
 
Definitely an idiot.
 
The problem with drinking is that it loosens your thoughts, or rather, your
tongue. You’re more prone to saying things you’d normally like to keep to
yourself. Like, say, “Riku, I really love your hair.”
 
He laughed, like it was the funniest thing I’d ever said. “Everyone says that.”
 
Oh, good. Saved.
 
We were lying on the floor in a guest bedroom. The door was cracked, the TV in
the room was on to the sports channel, and I felt almost feverish from the
alcohol in my bloodstream. I couldn’t see why anyone would want to be like
this. I wasn’t really sure I could stand right then if I had to. I’d probably
just lie on the ground and giggle like the drunken idiot I was.
 
Riku rolled over onto his stomach and looked down at me. “I’m glad you did
this, Sora,” he said. “I’m glad you did this with me. I miss you.”
 
My heart gave a startled pang at those words. “Um,” I said.
 
“I need you by my side. You’re my best friend. Life’s not as fun without you,”
he continued, as if he hadn’t made for an awkward moment.
 
“You’ve got tons of friends,” I replied. “Tooons of friends. You don’t need me.
Don’t need me.” I shook my head against the plush carpet. Whoa. The room was
spinning. “Riku, is this normal? I feel really… really… drunk…”
 
“You’re drunk, but not reallydrunk. It’s ‘cause you’re a lightweight. You never
drink, so it doesn’t take much. Plus, it was tequila. Strong stuff.”
 
“Ngh,” I said.
 
“Aren’t you having fun, though?” Riku prompted.
 
Fun?
 
Maybe…
 
It was just Riku and me, no one else up here with us. Yeah, it was kinda nice.
Maybe I didn’t like the intoxicated part so much, but that same part didn’t
mind at the moment. Later I’d care. Not now. Not when I had Riku with me, not
when I didn’t feel as… tense?... around him as I normally did. It was a nice
feeling. Liberating, almost.
 
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m having fun.”
 
Riku’s lashes fluttered. He made a soft noise, and his head drooped. I blinked
at him uncertainly. Was he drunker than he was acting? That… wasn’t necessarily
good. I was supposed to be the heavily intoxicated one, not the other way
around! If he was worse off than me, we were in biiigtrouble.
 
“Riku?” My arm felt like it weighed a ton as I lifted it to prod him in the
chest. I giggled as I thought about how I might have hurt him. “Riiikuuu… What
are you doooiiing?” I made the words sing song.
 
He raised his head. Something in his eyes made me swallow, quiet, and drop my
arm. I stared up at him, nerves tingling through me. Looking at him made me
feel funny—funnier than usual. It wasn’t, precisely, desire, it was… something
else. That déjà vu feeling was back. Like I had done this before.
 
Which was pure crazy talk. I’d never drunk a drop of alcohol in my life.
 
“Sora,” he said softly. His eyes widened a moment later, and he reached out to
me, putting his palm against my cheek. Wonder filled his face.
 
I choked on another giggle. “How drunk are you?”
 
“Sora…” His thumb stroked slowly over my cheekbone. It made my throat lock up,
and I knew at that moment that I wouldn’t be saying another word. Every part of
my body was honed in to where he was touching me. Riku had neverdone that
before. Why was he now? Because he was drunk?
 
This was weird. Nice, but very un-Riku-like, and therefore weird.
 
“I don’t have much time,” he breathed. His other hand came up to join the first
so that he was cradling my face gently in his palms. “Please don’t be scared.”
 
Scared about what?
 
“You have to know that I will alwayslove you, no matter what.” The words were
nothing more than a whisper, as if he was afraid he was going to spook me
should he speak much louder. I kept staring up into his eyes, captivated. I
knew, on a very basic level, that Riku loved me. I was his best friend. But
this—the way he was saying it now—
 
No, Sora, stop, that’s wishful thinking.
 
“Always…” he repeated. “Always…”
 
And then he kissed me.
 
I was frozen beneath him, my thoughts completely scattered to the winds, as the
saying went. His eyes fluttered closed, a long sweep of his lashes. I could do
nothing more than stare at the bridge of his nose and wonder what the heck had
just happened. Riku was… kissing… kissing… me… me, Sora… me…
 
His tongue glided over the seam of my mouth. My breath caught, and my lips
parted more in surprise than anything else. He pushed in without further ado,
his fingertips stroking up into my hair. The first brush of his tongue against
mine was electric, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. They finally
slid shut.
 
It was amazing. Everything I thought it’d be. Even with the taste of alcohol on
his breath. I knew it was on mine, too.
 
After several moments, my body started to tremble. Probably from all the
screaming emotions ricocheting through it. I reached up and grasped onto his
shirt, clenched my fingers into a fist, held on tight as the kiss turned from
gentle into something harder, more desperate.
 
I could hear my breathing, and his mingled with it. He pulled from my mouth an
inch, but before I could wonder why he’d stopped, he was kissing me again. My
lips started to feel bruised and sensitive, a sensation I never thought I’d get
to experience with Riku. I kept up the best I could—he was much more
experienced than me—and it felt so good—
 
My skin was growing hotter. Just when I couldn’t take it anymore, when I
thought I was going to have to do something, he drew away, and this time I
could tell it was for good.
 
Swallowing, I slowly opened my eyes, wanting to savor every moment of that
kiss, wanting to commit it to memory to treasure later when I was alone.
 
Something was wrong—his face, his expression, it…
 
Confused?
 
Almost… horrified…?
 
“Riku?” My voice was paper thin.
 
The anger came all at once. “What the fuck, Sora!” he exclaimed, and his eyes
narrowed at me. I’d been halfway expecting it, but it still jarred me, made me
prop myself up on my elbows and open my mouth to explain, except—
 
What was there to explain? He’dstarted this—I didn’t really have anything to
say—Ishould have been the one exclaiming what the fuck, not him—
 
He got to his feet and pushed his hands through his hair. His mouth opened,
closed. I braced myself for yelling, maybe even something about how he wasn’t
gay, I didn’t know. Instead, I got nothing. He simply pivoted and left. He
didn’t even really storm out, he was just… there one moment, out the door the
next at an only slightly hurried pace.
 
I stared after where he’d departed, stunned.
 
What had happened?
 
What had…?
 
No matter how many times I played through it in my mind, it didn’t make any
sense. Riku, his normal self. Riku, suddenly telling me he’d always love me and
then kissingme… Riku… snapping out of his senses…? And then leaving. I didn’t
get it. I didn’t understand. It had nothing to do with him being drunk. I
knewit didn’t. But then what else could it be?
 
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there. No one came upstairs to bother me. Riku
didn’t come back, either, for that matter. Not that I had really expected him
to. Well, maybe. It would have been the right thing to do… not that Riku ever
necessarily did the right thing if it would inconvenience him in any way…
 
I was thinking in circles again.
 
At first, I was okay. More okay than I thought I’d be. But then I started
thinking things like, Are we still friends? Is he ever going to talk to me
again?and my confident feeling faltered. Confusion started to shift into worry.
Sure, I didn’t get along with the guy well enough for my liking (or Kairi’s)
lately, but… that didn’t mean I was ready to throw sixteen years’ worth of
friendship down the drain…
 
Was this it…?
 
What should I have done? Said? Did I need to go after him? He wouldn’t have
gone after me…
 
This wasn’t fair. Why did I have to suffer the consequences if this didn’t go
over well?
 
Why had he kissed me?
 
Why had he looked so sure about it, then so freaked out after he’d done it?
 
…it just didn’t make any sense…
 
Some time later, I heard the door open. My legs were curled up to my chest, my
forehead was hiding against my knees. I had my arms wrapped over my ankles. I
didn’t bother to look up. Maybe it was Riku…? I doubted it. He really never
would come after me.
 
“Sora, are you okay?” It was Kairi.
 
I lifted my head, staring blearily at her.
 
“I got your text.” She rushed to kneel in front of me.
 
What text?
 
“I had to put the address in Dad’s GPS, but—well, anyway…” She tilted her head.
“Are you okay? You—…” Her brows crinkled together. “Sora, you smell like
liquor.”
 
Riku must have texted her from my phone under the guise of me. How thoughtful
of him. When the hell was I going to get my phone back? What did it matter? I
definitely wasn’t going down there to confront him about it. If he was even
still there, judging by how he’d gotten Kairi, his arch nemesis, to come and
get me.
 
“It was Riku, wasn’t it?” She frowned. “Peer pressure or something?”
 
I shook my head, intending to tell her nothing. I didn’t want to talk about it.
“Riku kissed me. He kissed me…” Okay, apparently my mouth was operating on its
own. I was pretty sure that had everything to do with the tequila again.
 
“Wait, whaaat?” Kairi gasped. “No way! Are you serious? He did?”
 
I nodded mutely.
 
“Wow, Sora, that’s…” I could see on her face that she was fighting to be
excited for me and mostly failing because of her great dislike for him.
“That’s… great…?”
 
I shook my head again.
 
“No…?” She put her hands on my shoulders, her face coming closer to mine and
full of concern. “Sora… Sora, what happened?”
 
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
 
As always, Kairi was receptive to my feelings, and right then I was
broadcasting pain. Eyes full of sympathy, she grasped my wrists and pulled on
them. “Come on, you can tell me about it outside. I’ll take you to my place.
You can text your mom that you’re with me. I’m sure you don’t want to let her
see you dru—”
 
“I don’t have my phone. Riku does.” And I didn’t really feel all that drunk
anymore. Nothing like rejection from something you didn’t even start to sober
you right back up. I was still feeling a little buzzed, but it was nothing
compared to before, that was for sure.
 
“But you—” she began, only to stop as understanding lit her eyes. “Okay, well,
I’ll text her. It won’t really matter, will it? Your mom’s not particular about
that kind of thing.”
 
I looked up at her, starting with her wrists. Rainbow bracelets. A graphic-
T with a lace tanktop beneath it. Simple jean skirt. Flats. Her hair was pulled
back into a neat French braid. There was actually make-up on her face. Where
had she gone? She’d texted me earlier… Maybe she’d hung out with some other
friends, been with them before she got Riku’s—my—text.
 
“You’re really pretty, Kairi,” I said.
 
“Thanks, Sora…” She blushed, looking awkward about it. “Now c’mon, you’re too
heavy for me to move you.”
 
With some effort, I was able to get to my feet. I was a little unsteady
afterward. Kairi put an arm around my waist, and after a moment, the world
righted itself and I was fine. I managed a more or less straight line all the
way downstairs and to the driveway. Riku’s Mustang was gone. Great. Looked like
even if I hadwanted to try getting my phone back, it wouldn’t have happened.
 
This was just great, I thought as I climbed into her car.
 
My life really sucked sometimes.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
“You need to let me talk to him,” Kairi said as I fluffed up pillows to sleep
on the downstairs couch. Kairi’s parents trusted me implicitly. I supposed I
projected the image of a good-boy aura. Not that they were all that wrong about
me… most of the time, tonight exempted.
 
“No, Kairi,” I said wearily. I just wanted to go to bed and forget it had ever
happened. It felt like a smear on my psyche that wasn’t going to go away
anytime soon. I hated worrying, fretting over things I couldn’t do anything
about at the moment, yet I still would, anyway. How did anyone get away from
something like that? Being apathetic? But that was the one thing I wasn’t.
 
“Why not?” she huffed. She put her hands on her hips and watched me flip out
the blanket to settle it on my sleeping spot.
 
“Because it’s not a big deal. Riku’s just being Riku.” I didn’t know a polite
way to tell her to mind her own business. If you couldn’t say something nice,
it was best to say nothing at all. Right?
 
“Riku’s notjust being Riku this time,” she countered. “He’s gone above and
beyond his usual asshole self tonight! He really hurt your feelings!”
 
Well, thanks for reminding me…It wasn’t her fault. I knew it wasn’t. She was
just trying to be my friend. But God, I really wanted to go to sleep and not
have to deal with this.
 
“I mean, where does he even get off on doing something like that, huh? You
shouldn’t put up with it, Sora! You’ve wanted Riku for a long time, and—”
 
“Look, Kairi, can we just—I don’t know—drop it?” I interrupted before she could
start on a tangent.
 
Her lips tightened, and her shoulders tensed. Great. I’d offended her. What a
way to cap off a perfect night.
 
“Sure, Sora,” she said, unmistakably miffed, and she stomped back up the
stairs, albeit quietly so she wouldn’t wake her parents. The way she said it
let me know that this wasn’t over.
 
I sighed and climbed under the covers, wishing I could feel more guilty about
it. But I had a lot more on my mind than having to deal with Kairi being upset
over Riku messing with my feelings yet again. As soon as I thought that, the
guilt did hit, and I shifted uncomfortably.
 
Damn it.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
“Come on, Sora, up, up, up!”
 
I groaned. What time was it?
 
“I’ve got to take you home before we go to church. Let’s go. Mom made breakfast
if you want some.”
 
Forty-five minutes later, my stomach full, I got out of Kairi’s car and shut
the door. I barely got to wave at her before she peeled out of the driveway and
zoomed off into the distance. She was going to be mad at me for a while,
probably until she realized I wasn’t going to relent and let her tell off Riku.
If he knew I’d told anyoneabout what had happened… Heck, if I hadn’t been
intoxicated, I wouldn’t have dreamed of opening my mouth.
 
It probably didn’t help her ire that I wasn’t hung-over. As much as I loved
Kairi, she was like any girl, and could be petty sometimes. I’d apologize later
when I was sure I wouldn’t get yelled at. You know, play it safe.
 
===============================================================================
 
The bus. My favorite form of transport, especially when it meant waking up an
hour earlier than I normally did. But with Kairi and Riku both mad at me, I had
no choice. And I couldn’t just stay home from school. Mom wouldn’t believe me
if I told her I was sick. She’d cottoned on to those tactics long ago.
 
The day went mostly okay. The professors droned, and I managed to keep up
conversation with most of my classmates if I had to. I diligently copied notes
and wrote down homework. In fact, I probably paid more attention in school that
day than I ever had before. Anything to escape the wreck that my personal life
was fast becoming.
 
Nothing eventful happened—that is, until the last period before the day ended.
 
I was coming out of the bathroom when I saw them: Kairi, despite what I had
asked, was confronting Riku.
 
At first, I thought my eyes were mistaken. Kairi had nevergone against my
feelings on something. She knew how much it would upset me if she did. Unlike
Riku, she respected that. Only… now, there she was… one hand on her hip, the
other pointed at Riku’s chest…
 
People were around—staring—
 
I inched closer, a safe enough distance away that they wouldn’t see me
immediately. Well, I wasn’t really worried as much about Kairi. It was Rikuwho
would make all hell rain down if his eyes landed on me. If they were talking
about what I thought they were…
 
“What you did was wrong, Riku!”
 
They were. It was as bad as I’d feared.
 
A cold, sinking sensation crept through my stomach, and I swallowed so hard I
couldn’t breathe. The urge to flee rose. I stamped it down. I had to stay here,
for Kairi if nothing else. It wasn’t like Riku would ever hurt her, no, but
Kairi honestly didn’t know what she was doing. Kairi was going to humiliatehim
in front of the whole school. That wasn’t something Riku would take without
returning the gesture in full force.
 
…Maybe it wouldn’t be toobad. Kairi didn’t have any dirt on her. She was the
mayor’s daughter. She couldn’t. Besides, she had every adult in this town
wrapped around her finger, she was so sweet. I know that they say that the
quiet, good ones are the people you have to look out for, but that was sonot
the case with Kairi. Riku wouldn’t have any dirt on her.
 
Right?
 
In any case, as for me personally? I was screwed. Riku knew I had told Kairi.
That was the one thing I’d most wanted to avoid out of this, and now… shit,
shit, shit.
 
“You can’t just make out with Sora and then leave him there like it’s
hisfault!”
 
It had never been so tempting to disappear into the floor.
 
Riku didn’t say anything, though his eyes gave a dangerous glitter, almost
feral. He was like a predator, a great cat, waiting in the tall grass, his tail
swishing, at any moment going to pounce, right when Kairi’s most opportune
moment of weakness was displayed. She would never see it coming.
 
My mouth opened. No sound came out. I needed to grab her and take her away. The
only problem was my fear of Riku and what he would say to me. I’d done my best
not to think about it yesterday or Saturday night, but… he’d hurt me. He’d
taken my heart in his hand and crushed it. I might have still been recovering
from that—some of the numbness might still have needed to wear off—but it
didn’t matter. Once he saw me, he was going to kill me for telling. And not
just telling anyone—telling Kairi.
 
“It was petty, Riku, and you know it. So you had a moment of bicuriosity—so
what—why does Sorahave to suffer for it? He’s your best friend—”
 
Twin spots of red appeared high on Riku’s cheeks, the only real sign of his
anger. A second later, his shoulders tensed. He was preparing for the pounce.
 
Kairi, stop!I silently screamed at her. Maybe Riku didn’t have any dirt on her.
That didn’t mean that he wouldn’t possibly come up with something really nasty
to say just to cut her heart into pieces in front of everyone. His pride could
only handle so much, and she’d just aired our dirty laundry to the whole
school.
 
She was a fiercely loyal friend, and I appreciated that, I did, I just—this was
the stupidest thing she could have possibly done. Then again, maybe I was
mostly saying that out of fear of retaliation from Riku, and so my opinion was
biased. Either way, she needed to get out of the line of fire.
 
“—and while we’re onthat subject, the way you treat him is really terrible, you
know—”
 
I had only a brief moment to spare for the amount of embarrassment she just
caused me with that remark alone before Riku leaned into her space. I had to
inch closer, as close as I dared, to hear his next words. I wasn’t the only
one. There was a loose circle of students forming around Riku and Kairi. The
rest of them had already left for class. The bell was due to ring any minute
now.
 
“Do you really want to play this game, Kairi?” he asked, his voice so soft it
chilled my blood.
 
Kairi, brave and incredibly unaware of what was about to happen soldier that
she was, straightened her spine and planted both hands on her hips. “This isn’t
a game, Riku. You just don’t get it, do you? You think you can do whatever you
want, without any repercussions—”
 
A very small, very deadly smirk crossed Riku’s lips. “Your father is the mayor
of his town, Kairi.”
 
A palpable tension filled the air at these words. So he didhave something on
her. But what could it possibly be? Good enough that he’d been savoring it for
a moment like this? My worry for Kairi increased as whispers spread between the
lingering students, their voices hushed and excited.
 
Heedless of the danger zone she had placed herself in, Kairi shook her hair
back. “Yeah, so?”
 
“Well, you see…” Riku released the smallest of sighs, as if it was going to
pain him to reveal this tidbit of information. “I imagine, for your father,
Kairi… that it’d be veryupsetting for him to find out his only daughter—his
daughter who’s held in such high status among the town council and helps him,
on occasion, keep his votes when the end of the year rolls around…”
 
I watched Kairi’s face pale.
 
“…well, what would he say, do you think, if he found out she was making out
with Olette Girard behind the football stadium after cheerleading practice last
Tuesday?”
 
Startled gasps and surprised giggles from their audience.
 
Wait.
 
Wait, wait, wait.
 
Kairi had done what…?
 
Obviously I wasn’t repulsed by this bit of information, or else that would have
been rather hypocritical of me, but—why hadn’t she told me something like that?
Why hadn’t she told me she—
 
Okay, Sora, think on this later!
 
Judging by the triumphant smirk that lit up his face, Riku had succeeded in
getting the reaction he’d wanted. The girls in the crowd edged away from Kairi,
and I didn’t like the expressions they carried, smugness and disgust mingling
together in an odd mix. Girls were like vultures, waiting to prey on the weak.
I hated it.
 
Knowing as I did so that Riku would see me, I strode forward until I’d reached
Kairi. I ignored Riku and put my arm around her shoulders. Surprised tears were
in her eyes, her face slack with confusion. Clearly she hadn’t known anyone was
around when…
 
Olette, Olette, Olette. I knew that name. I didn’t have any classes with her,
though.
 
Eyes were suddenly boring into the side of my head. Gritting my teeth, I looked
up. Riku’s face was scary enough that my pulse skittered. He loomed above me,
always taller than me, but when he was mad at me, it was like all the angry
energy circulating around him turned him into a giant. I did my best to appear
brave in the face of it.
 
But then, in the next second, Riku’s face smoothed itself out into something
almost pleasant. Calmly, much more calmly than I had expected from someone who
was containing so much rage, he walked away from me. The rest of the students
took their cue to disperse, and I glanced around a moment later to see the
hallways empty.
 
Had the bell rung in the midst of all that and I’d been too focused on what was
going on to hear it?
 
“Kairi, are you going to be okay?” I whispered.
 
She brushed off my arm and pushed away from me. It stung a little bit, but I
tried not to take it personally. Kairi was a really strong person, and she was
probably pissed off that she’d cried in front of Riku. Or maybe she was still
mad at me. Could be both.
 
“I’ll be fine,” she choked out, and she left me standing there, not knowing
what to do.
 
I was never tardy to class, so when I showed up five minutes late, my teacher
only gave me a warning look, and I took my seat. It was the longest class of my
life, and I had mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, I wished it was
over so I could rush home and get the hell away from here. On the other… Riku’s
chances of confronting me after school were pretty high, and the longer the
class was, the more I could put it off.
 
My eyes took to staring at the clock while everyone else was scribbling notes
or passing them. A few glances were sent my way throughout the hour, none of
them subtle. I supposed they’d heard Riku had made out with me at Tidus’s party
Saturday evening. Oh, yeah—if I’d had any doubt before that Riku was going to
kill me, it was now gone. I was just a nobody at this school. No one would
really rag on me, just look on. Riku? It was going to be bad.
 
Tick… tock… tick… tock… tick…
 
The bell rang. I blinked and looked up. Everyone was gathering their stuff,
some of them shooting me furtive looks as they departed from the room. I sighed
and began to gather my things as slowly as I possibly could. Finally, though,
when the class was completely empty and the teacher was eyeing me over his
glasses, I had to accept that it was time to go.
 
My legs felt like jelly. I forced them to stand. I could do this.
 
I hung around in the threshold of the door for a bit. My teacher was watching
me like a hawk, tiny eyes blazing holes on my back. I didn’t want to go out
there until I was sure everyone was gone. Maybe I could just hide out in the
bathroom… Yeah, sounded good.
 
I claimed a stall, sat, put my books on my knees in a neat little pile, and
waited. The buses were loading, so this was going to be a bit of a wait. Maybe
even as much as half an hour for everyone to clear out. In the meantime, I had
to listen to flushing toilets, the spray of water in the sink, pants being
zipped up. Every bit of noise grated against my ears like a death sentence. If
I could just hold out a little longer… Riku would give up waiting for me… he’d
go home…
 
Finally, there was blissful silence. I poked my head out of the bathroom. A
vacuum sounded in the distance, and the wheels of a janitor cart. Breathing in
relief, I made my way to my locker to exchange books and grab my bag. I made
sure not to keep my back entirely open. I wanted to see Riku if he really was
headed my way.
 
The sunlight outside was bright, and I squinted. I dug in my pocket for my
phone to call my mom and tell her that I was going to be late coming home since
I’d missed the bus and I’d have to walk… except… no phone. Riku still had it.
 
Damn!
 
“…yeah, Mrs. Shiozu, he’s right here… he had to stay late after class… yeah,
I’m going to take him home… but I’d planned to take him and get some dinner
first… catch up, you know? We haven’t hung out really lately, and…”
 
Dread clenched my stomach in hard knots. I kept my eyes straight ahead.
 
A moment later, a heavy handed settled on my shoulder. I swallowed.
 
Great.
 
So he’d found me, after all.
 
“Don’t worry about it, Mrs. Shiozu… yeah, you’re welcome. Okay, bye.” The sound
of my phone being flipped shut.
 
Couldn’t I get a break?
 
“Hey, Sora,” Riku said, his voice cheerful enough that I knew I was in some
seriously deep shit. “Need a ride home?”  
***** Interception *****
Riku wordlessly handed me my phone. Before I could see if he’d called or texted
anyone on it besides Kairi, he nudged my shoulder. I thought about digging my
heels in… but the masochist inside of me wanted to know what he was going to
say. If he was going to decide we weren’t friends anymore, I wanted to know now
instead of later. Go ahead and get it over with. Not have to deal with the
anxious knots in my stomach getting worse and worse as time progressed—you
know, the whole nine yards.
 
We walked to his car in silence. It was bright out, and I didn’t own
sunglasses. Riku did, of course. The second we settled into the car, he pulled
out a pair of Oakleys from the glove compartment and slid them on. The lenses
were an orange-y yellow. He loved those things, though he’d never say so. Riku
tended to act casual about everything, a tough “nothing matters to me” persona.
I knew better.
 
He dug in his pocket and threw his hair up into a ponytail. He kept it down at
school for the girls, who endlessly fawned over the silver tresses. I’d say it
was sickening if I wasn’t so entranced with it myself.
 
Why did he do this to me? Why did he make me so upset with him one moment, and
then all I had to do was look at him after a day of not seeing him, and my
heart was throbbing all over again? I would never say the relationship I had
with Riku was healthy. I probably didneed to cut him out of my life… but that
would be like cutting away a piece of myself, and I wasn’t brave enough for
that. I didn’t think I’d ever heal completely from such a thing. Say what you
will, that I would, but I beg to differ.
 
Riku and I had been attached at the hip since we were babies. Our mothers were
friends, and we’d grown up in the same neighborhood all our lives. I looked up
to Riku, and he watched out for me. He picked on me, sure, but no one else was
allowed to, and what didn’t kill me, made me stronger. As an end result, it
could get competitive sometimes, sure. That was just how we worked. It was only
lately that things had started to get different…
 
We took a left instead of a right outside of the school parking lot, and I knew
then that we were going down to the valley to eat. Where did he want to go? I
almost asked a few times and wound up keeping quiet. He wasn’t talking to me,
either. He kept the music on a low enough beat that we couldbe talking… and
that was about it.
 
The windows were rolled down, and his arm rested on the open space. The
sunlight danced over his skin, the wind tossed his bangs around his face. The
tint of the sunglasses made it impossible to see his eyes. I knew they’d be a
really bright green regardless. They always were this time of day.
 
I hated that I was watching him, that I couldn’t stop.
 
His hand lifted and touched to the top of the window. I could see the tendons
in his wrist moving as his fingers tapped out the beat to the song that was on.
Sighing, I sunk down in my seat and turned my attention to my side of the car.
The valley spread out below us, waiting for us while we wound around the
mountainside to get down to it, all twenty-five hundred feet. That anxiety
gnawing at my nerves increased. This afternoon was going to be really awkward,
wasn’t it?
 
What if he doesn’twant to be my friend anymore?
 
What if he planned to beat the shit out of me for telling Kairi?
 
These thoughts and more swirled through my head, so that by the time we reached
a burger joint, I thought I was going to be sick. He touched my elbow on the
way out of car, but when I glanced up, he was already shutting the door. What
was that for? Reassurance? Maybe it was on accident. His hand touched me while
lifting up from the stick shift or something.
 
Shaking it off, I got out of the car, too, and followed Riku inside. The smell
of grilling meat made my stomach grumble and tighten with hunger. So much for
being sick. Then again, I almost always thought with my stomach first. I loved
food, and I was a growing boy. Give me a break, okay? I wasn’t going to sit
there and suffer through it. Nothing could make me so upset that I couldn’t
eat. I supposed this was both a good thing and a bad thing.
 
We ordered and found a table to roost at. It wasn’t very busy yet. It would be
in an hour, as rush hour hit and everyone got off work. Until then, the
opportunity for more silence between us arose, and it did. It was like a thick
cloud of suffocation, until even my fries, my favorite part of the whole meal,
began to look unappetizing. Seemed I was wrong about being able to eat through
anything.
 
I had to say something.
 
But what…?
 
So, Riku, why did you kiss me last night?
 
No, too forward. I’d never be able to say it without stuttering through every
single word.
 
Just how upset are you about Kairi, exactly?
 
Way too dumb. It had been obvious in the hallway how upset he’d been, and even
if he hadn’t shown it, I could put two and two together. Why would someone like
Riku want to be “outed” in front of the entire school, regardless of whether or
not it was true? High school was tough business. Once something was brought up
once, you never got the rumor mill to stop. Ever. He could probably bang all
the chicks he wanted, and still have one occasionally ask him, “So… is it
really true… did you really make out with that Shiozu kid…?”
 
Oh, God.
 
Riku was going to murderme—maim, abolish, massacre… and all the other twenty
words in the thesaurus. He’d be creative about it, too. I would never know when
it was coming. I didn’t want to call Riku passive aggressive… his temper could
really make him rash sometimes. But the guy could be coldly calculating, and
I’d be up shit creek without a paddle and unable to piece together how I’d
gotten there. Maybe the best course of action was to apologize for telling
Kairi. Explain that I was drunk—which was totally hisfault…
 
Mrrgh. This just didn’t sit well with me.
 
I opened my mouth and wasn’t quite sure what was about to come out—except it
didn’t matter. Riku chose that moment to look up (maybe he heard my intake of
breath?), and he skewered me with another Glare of Death. I lost all my nerve
and dropped my eyes to my tray. The sight of my half-eaten burger and fries
sodden in ketchup made my stomach roil. I pushed the food away from me and
slumped down in my seat with a small sigh.
 
This wasn’t fair. Why did we have to wait for Rikuto talk about it? Why
couldn’t we talk about it whenever Sora was ready to? Were I a braver soul when
it came to Riku, I’d stand up for myself. As it were, I avoided making eye
contact with him, digging a finger into my sweatband and tugging it from my
wrist. Looking at it was much more interesting than watching Riku eat his food
with stony precision.
 
The door swung open. The only reason I even noticed was because of the back
draft from the chilly wind that was let in with it. Two people ambled in… they
looked sort of familiar… I narrowed my eyes, biting my lip, trying to place
them. Their backs were turned, so it was hard to tell. All I could see at this
point was that it was a girl and her boyfriend.
 
Boyfriend and Heels turned to look at one another to discuss the menu. I gasped
and sat up a little straighter in my seat.
 
Boyfriend was really Brunet!
 
Heels was the girl with the dog!
 
She was laughing, her eyes bright and her sunglasses perched atop her head.
Bangles dangled on her wrists, making soft clanking noises as she moved. Often,
as she kept pushing her hair back from her face. She nudged Brunet with her
elbow for a response to something she’d said, and he rolled his eyes.
 
“Oh, come on…” I heard her say, and the rest faded. She was speaking too low
for me to hear.
 
Finished picking out their meal, they moved around the poles set up to
determine a line. Heels had her hands clasped together, her face intent with
speech. Brunet looked bored. Huh… stereotypical couple? Cute guy goes out with
cute girl, and they have nothing in common? It didn’t seem like that, though…
were they really a couple? They moved fluidly together, like they’d known each
other a while, except something was missing…
 
Or maybe that was just my wishful thinking again.
 
Brunet glanced over his shoulder in my direction. I felt my face flame. It was
the first time we’d ever made eye contact, and probably only because he’d
noticed all the staring I was doing. Still, I couldn’t look away first. I sat
there awkwardly, chewing harder on my lip, fingers digging into my sweatband.
 
Every time I looked at him, it completely took my breath away. Maybe it was the
way that chocolate brown hair of his hung into his eyes, or the lines of his
face, or even just the simple way he moved… I’d noticed it when I’d first seen
him, and my opinion had yet to change. He was graceful in a predator way. Like
a lion or something. It was there even now, in the way he studied me.
 
His girlfriend said something. He turned his head back around just like that to
listen to her, and though I was disappointed, I found it interesting. He
feigned disinterest, yet he was completely absorbed in what she was saying.
Huh.
 
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Riku stand. Taking that as my cue, I grabbed
my tray, and together we made our way to the trashcan. Riku jingled his keys
and maneuvered his way through the tables. He wasn’t bothering to slow his pace
for me like he usually did, and I had to keep on his heels.
 
I glanced back when we got to the door, but Brunet didn’t notice this time.
With another sigh, I followed Riku out into the parking lot.
 
I smacked right into someone. Breathless, I lifted my head to apologize—heard
it lock in my throat. It was the Spook guy! The blond man with the suit that
had been with Brunet at the stadium. He had to be a Fed for sure, yeah. Ear
piece still perfectly in place, crisp suit, shiny shoes. And cold, cold blue
eyes.
 
He held open the door for me. “Here,” he said, his voice so quiet I almost
didn’t catch it.
 
I stepped outside and watched him retreat indoors. He walked straight over to
Brunet and Heels and said something to the former. Irritation flashed on
Brunet’s face like it had on Saturday, and he gave a stiff shrug of his
shoulders.
 
“Sora!” Riku snapped.
 
I jumped and rushed over to his car. His sunglasses were back in place. I could
see the lasers he was firing at me from his eyes through the lenses. So he
didknow how to speak to me still… Jerk. Yet I took his abuse willingly,
buckling up and muttering an apology. I could really hit myself sometimes.
 
It just isn’t worth it,I reminded myself. Pick and choose your battles with
Riku, pick and choose.
 
Riku didn’t speak another word to me on the way to my house, and I was of the
same mind. That was mostly because my thoughts kept lingering with Brunet and
the company he kept. Why did he need that Fed around him? Seemed like he was a
bodyguard or something. Weird…
 
I remembered the limo Brunet had pulled away in Saturday. Maybe it had
something to do with that. Just what kind of background did Brunet have that he
required a federal agent to stalk him everywhere? He didn’t seem to like it,
either. Rich boy with freedom complexes? That didn’t require an agent…
 
Okay, I wasn’t going to figure this out without further information.
 
We pulled into my driveway ten minutes later, and Riku turned the ignition off.
I listened to the engine tick, my eyes on the dashboard clock. One minute
ticked into two. If we weren’t going to say anything still, I’d really rather
go inside and get started on my homework. I had a lot of it, and we were
wasting time out here.
 
I pulled on the door’s release. “Well…” I said, and it felt weird to hear my
voice after nearly an hour of silence. “…I guess I’m going insi—”
 
“Why did you tell Kairi?”
 
“Because I was drunk, Riku. She asked me, and I didn’t know what else to tell
her.” I let go of the door handle for now. My house, my haven, so close, yet so
far. It seemed I was doomed to be subjected to Riku’s wrath, after all.
 
“You can’t just… she—” Riku smacked the flat of his hand against the steering
wheel, his lips pursed. “I hateher.” He turned his head to me, as if expecting
me to apologize. When I didn’t, he growled, “You can’t just tell her these
things, Sora! You have to thinksometimes!”
 
That made me bristle in defense. “You’rethe one who got me drunk, Riku. It was
my first time. What did you want me to do? You leftme there! Kairi showed up,
thanks to you, and she was asking me what was going on—what was I supposedto
do?”
 
“Kept your trap shut!” he yelled. “Now look what’s happened! The bitch
confronts me about it in front of everyone! Do you think I’m ever going to live
that down?!”
 
I did feel bad for him that it had to happen that way—I did. I understood. If
it had been me… well, if I had been Riku, I would have been pissed, too. But
this wasn’t completely my fault, and that was part of Riku’s problem. He rarely
accepted his portion of the blame. If something made him look bad, that was it,
he wasn’t at fault. He wiped his hands clean of the matter and pointed his
finger at everyone else.
 
“Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you kissed me!” I yelled
back, and the effort of it left me winded. I swallowed afterward, listening to
my breath rattle in my ears in the ensuing silence. I couldn’t believe I’d had
the gall to stand up for myself like that. At the same time, it felt good.
Screw him. I didn’t need this.
 
“Don’t you even thinkabout leaving yet, Sora!” Riku reached across the car and
knocked my hand away from the door. I glared at him. “We’re not done!”
 
“What do you want me to do, Riku?! I’m sorryI told Kairi. Maybe if you hadn’t
gotten me drunk, it never would have happened!” I wasn’t going to say he
shouldn’t have outed Kairi in return—maybe he could have been nicer about it,
but fair was fair, as much as I hated to think that. Riku always worked with an
eye for an eye.
 
“You knowwhat I want you to do!” he hissed. “Stop being her friend!”
 
“No!” I said, affronted. “She was there for me when you weren’t!”
 
“What the hell are you—”
 
“Uh, when you got up and leftme, remember? You make out with me, and then you
just walk away andcall her to come pick me up so youdon’t have to deal with
me!”
 
I waited for his response to this, sure it was going to be a good one. Riku was
a master of evasion. He’d change the subject if it suited him, and it likely
would. So I sat there, crossed my arms, raised my eyebrows since he wasn’t
saying anything. Being really quiet, in fact.
 
“Well?” I prompted.
 
“Sora,” he whispered.
 
I felt gooseflesh break out over my arms at the way he said my name. It was
just like… just like at the party, right when he’d been about to kiss me…
 
All at once, he reached over, cupping my face in his hands and pulling me
toward him. I had a moment to feel my heart leap to my throat before his mouth
was on mine. My mind screamed at me in confusion, urged me to push him away, my
heart told me to stay put, wait it out, listen. I wasn’t sure which to listen
to. I was so angry…
 
Why the hell was he going to pull this shit again?! I wasn’t going to let him
yank me around on a chain! He could mess with girls’ heads like that all he
wanted. I was notthe same as them, and if ever I had to assert my backbone, it
was now.
 
Yet…
 
His tongue glided around mine, and I heard myself moan. I kept my hands on his
shoulders, squeezing tight. His breath was fast, uneven, his kisses turning
into teeth, gentle nips before he pushed back into my mouth. My lips were
bruising fast, his lips not as gentle as they’d been the first time. He was
kissing me like he’d never get a chance to again, a desperate fervor in his
teeth when he caught my lip with them again.
 
It just didn’t make any sense. He was driving me crazy.
 
His hand struggled with his seatbelt for a minute. Then he was on me, pushing
me back into the door, his hand sliding from my cheek into my hair, over the
back of my head. My blood was roaring in my ears, and I listened to it, heard
the soft groan he gave as his other hand settled on my hip. That touch alone
throbbed through me, and I gave a tentative bite to his lips in turn. I hadn’t
ever kissed anyone before Riku. I hoped I was doing this right.
 
“Sora,” he murmured.
 
I made an incoherent noise.
 
His fingers started to tug at my shirt, and his lips trailed from mine to my
jaw. His nose bumped there, nudged it up. I tilted my head back, and he kissed
my throat. Dizzy, I closed my eyes, breathed in the scent of his hair as every
touch of his lips drove that heat inside of me higher and higher, each one a
thrill in my blood.
 
My pocket buzzed. A muffled song broke out through the car.
 
Riku lifted his head. I shook my own, trying to clear the cotton that had
settled into it. Shit. I sodidn’t need to be letting him do this, not until he
figured out what the hell he wanted from me. I didn’t know what it was. Maybe
he had some confusing moments of bicuriosity settling into him, like Kairi had
told him—whatever it was, he needed to do it with someone else. I couldn’t take
this. My heart would break if he freaked out on me again.
 
“No,” I said, and I pushed at his chest.
 
“No, Sora—you do not understand—you must listen…”
 
Why the hell was he talking like that?
 
“No!” I said again. “No, I’ve had enoughof this, Riku!”
 
I didn’t wait to listen to anything else. I got the door open, stumbled out of
it, remembered to grab my book bag. I slammed the door shut and got my keys
out. Seconds later, I was in my house, leaning back against the door,
struggling to breathe right. My heart felt too tight, was beating way too fast.
 
Deciding I couldn’t linger in the mudroom forever, I left my bag where it was
and made my way into the kitchen. I plucked my phone from my pocket to see who
had called—Kairi. Feeling a surge of desire to talk to her, to tell her
everything that had just happened to me, I didn’t careanymore, I called her
back.
 
No answer.
 
I tried again. She’d just called me!
 
Nothing.
 
Nothing.
 
I tried to stay put, told myself to eat a snack since the burger joint had been
such a bomb. I couldn’t sit still. My hands were shaking. I had to do
something, go somewhere. I picked up my keys again from the table and headed
out the front door, started down the street at a steady jog. I didn’t stop
until I’d gone deep into the neighborhood, up a steep hill that had been made
into a park, and over to where the entrance to the radio tower was. Behind it
was a spot surrounded by trees that was really nice this time of year.
 
There were old wooden steps covered in ants that led up there. I climbed them
and plopped down on the slab of cement. I thought maybe it was for sewage or
something and had never been sure. It never smelled. It was just peaceful here.
 
It was there that I finally let myself cry.
 
It wasn’t much. Just a few tears before I got myself together, sucked in my
lip, sniffled. I rubbed my palms over my eyes and then lay back, my eyes on the
sky. It was a brilliant blue shading toward pink as the days began to end more
quickly.
 
With the whisper of the wind through the trees around me and tickling against
my face, I fell asleep.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
A few days passed. I didn’t hear a word from Riku, and I didn’t see him much in
the halls. I avoided him likewise. It stung a little, all of it, but things
were too confusing to make much sense of them. It would involve me actually
asking Riku what had happened, and knowing his track record, he’d never give me
a straight answer. I thought I could be forgiven if I focused on schoolwork.
 
The troublesome part of this was that Kairi was hard to get a hold of. We never
got to say much to one another in the two classes we had together, and she was
always rushing off afterward. I tried calling and texting her the first couple
of days, only to give up until Thursday afternoon. She told me breathlessly
that she was babysitting her sister all week, and she was busy with some things
going on, and she’d call me later.
 
I stared at my phone, then sighed and pocketed it. I didn’t want to say she was
avoidingme… but it sure felt like it. Unlike Riku, I’d at least give her the
benefit of the doubt. I owed her that much. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
 
Ambling downstairs when I heard my mom come home proved to be a mistake.
 
“Sora, honey, there you are!” Mom put milk and eggs from a grocery bag into the
refrigerator. “I have something I’d like you to do for me.”
 
Great… What was it? The lawn? It still needed to be mowed. Dad hadn’t gotten
around to it like he normally did. He’d been swamped at work all week with
overtime, and in our neighborhood, your grass couldn’t grow past a certain
amount of inches or you got fined.
 
“Would you come with me to the mall to pick out a dress?”
 
I did an about face and was nearly out of the kitchen before her voice trilled
after me.
 
“Sora! It isn’t thatbad. Please?”
 
I groaned. “What do you need a dress for, Mom?”
 
“I have an award party to go to,” she said. I looked up into blue eyes the
color of mine and gave her my best “not interested” look. Sighing at me, she
put her hands on her hips. “A lot of important people are going to be there!”
 
“Who, stuffy old men?”
 
Mom was the secretary to the editor-in-chief for a publishing company, and she
went to parties all the time for awards being given out. Seemed you could write
anything these days and get a prize for it. Most of them were small things,
though, nothing all that important, but the company liked to fawn to the others
that came, and it turned into a political thing that made my mom unhappy.
 
Yet every time, she seized the opportunity to dress up with a gusto that was
kind of a little frightening…
 
“No, Sora. This young man just won the Paopu Unity Prize for a verymoving short
story he wrote!”
 
“Fascinating.”
 
“He’s fresh out of high school!” she said, clearly trying to get my interest
and failing. It sounded neat, it did, it was just—you didn’t know my mother.
We’d be at the mall for hours. Until they closed. I had better ways to occupy
my evening. She knewthis. It was a special form of torture for me, I was sure
of it.
 
“So, you want to come?” she perkily asked when I didn’t say anything.
 
“Not really.”
 
Smile lines turned into frown lines in a matter of milliseconds. She lifted a
hand from her hip to brush stray bangs out of her eyes. “Why not?”
 
“…‘cause… I just don’t?” I tried to keep my voice as apathetic as possible. If
I did that, she’d get the point and drop it.
 
“You need to get out in the sun!” Or not. “It’s been two weeks! I’m tired of
you moping!”
 
It’s totally only been four days.“Mom, I get out into the sun every day. It’s
called school… you know, that place you have to pay taxes for?”
 
She reached over and pinched my cheek. “You’rebeing really cheeky today.”
 
Normally, I’d push her hand away—that hurt—and make a face at her. Instead, I
kept my face as blank as all the times before. I was trying for a zombie
approach. Maybe it was actually working this time. Maybe she’d seemy complete
unwillingness to do this with her… maybe… hopefully… God, please…
 
“Okay, fine.” She crossed her arms. “Do you want a comic book?”
 
No, that wasn’t nearly enough. “A video game.”
 
“What? I thought I just bought you one two weeks ago!”
 
“Well, I beat it already.” I bit back the “duh.”
 
“It’s just picking out a dress! It’s not like you’re mowing the lawn. Which, by
the way, you need to do since your father hasn’t yet.” See? Knew it was coming
eventually. She always found a way to work that kind of thing in if I lingered
long enough.
 
“It’s not just ‘picking out a dress,’ Mom,” I countered. “You have to try on
everydress. Every single dress.Most people just grab three and try them on. And
that’d be fine. But you try on twentyat the least! It takes hours! And you
complain about how you don’t look good in any of them, and you ask me questions
that have two meanings, and…” I threw up my hands. Just thinking about it was
making my head hurt.
 
We stared each other down for a total of a whole minute.
 
“All right, Sora, fine,” she conceded. “You can get a video game.” She held up
a finger fast before I could let my grin show on my face. “But—you’d better
stay by my side one hundred percent or you can forget it! I really need your
help on this, all right?”
 
Whatever. I was getting a video game. The rest was manageable.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Oh, God, I was bored out of my mind.
 
We were in the major department store of the mall, and we’d stayed in the same
spot for the last hour without much progress other than color options.
 
“Sora, I don’t know… The black one is really something else… but I like the
green, too… Or the blue… What do you think?”
 
“Blue, Mom. It’ll match your eyes.” Huh, where had thatline come from?
 
“You’re soright, honey. Okay, I’m going to go try this one on. Stay here?”
 
“No, um, Mom! Wait!” I grasped onto her arm before she could get very far. Five
dresses already laid out over one arm, she stopped and blinked at me. I gave
her a sheepish grin, well aware I was about to break the sole condition she’d
given me for my game. “…Coffee?”
 
She sighed. “Sora…”
 
“Come on, please? I’ll only be a couple of minutes! I can pay for it, too.”
 
“No, no. Don’t worry about it. It’s just coffee.” She dug in her purse with her
free hand, which made it take longer, but eventually she produced her wallet.
“Here, get my debit card out of that. Don’t take long!”
 
I fished it out and put the wallet back in her purse for her, and then hurried
off.
 
“A caramel macchiato for me, Sora! Tall!” she called after me.
 
I waved to show I got it.
 
Once I was around the corner and straying away from the purses and into the
men’s side of the store where the café was set up, I slowed my steps. No need
to look like a hooligan that some sales clerk had to come after and scold. I
was sixteen, sure, but I looked twelve, with how short I was and remnants of
baby fat still in my cheeks. I hated it. That was life, though, wasn’t it? Mom
seemed to think I’d appreciate it more when I was fifty.
 
When I was fifty, I hoped I didn’t still care about my appearance. That’d be
just silly.
 
The smell of coffee hit my nose, and I sighed in appreciation… and stopped.
There, across the way, looking through some sweaters… No, it couldn’t be. There
was no way I’d run into them again… what was this, the fourth time in less than
a week? Almost a week, but less than a week. What was up with that? Small
world?
 
Brunet had a pair of black slacks folded over his arm, and like me, he looked
like he had a number of more interesting things he could be doing at that very
moment. Heels was pulling a heavy sweater out, her eyes bright and her free
hand waving about wildly with her excitement. I could hear her gushing about it
from way over here.
 
They weren’t alone. Against the nearest display wall was Spook, his eyes
roaming over the store. Beautiful. Who wasthis guy? Had to be a bodyguard, I
thought. Had to be. I was growing more and more certain of that each passing
time I saw the man. Still didn’t know why Brunet needed one… okay, coffee time.
If Brunet caught me ogling him again, the awkwardness was going to be on epic
levels. I couldn’t suffer through that twice.
 
My eyes gave a last appreciative glance over him. He was so pretty… It was a
bit ridiculous. The only other person I’d really ever eyed thismuch was Riku.
Tidus, sure, but the guy was eye candy. Everyonedrooled over him, no matter
what gender. It was hard notto. But this guy… it was different.
 
I liked it.
 
Ordering the coffee didn’t take long. The mall was kind of dead, so there
weren’t many people waiting around in the café. There was black tile here, and
the usual set-up for these sorts of places. I eyed the basket of biscotti,
trying to decide if I wanted some while I waited for our coffees to finish.
 
Maybe just one… just as a treat… I’d pay for it, so Mom wouldn’t have to know…
 
Someone tapped on my shoulder. I was so deep in my thoughts that I jumped a bit
and whirled about to see who it was. Maybe someone from school? No—
 
Her.
 
Heels!
 
“Hi!” she said breathlessly, and I could see that her eyes were a deep, warm
brown and that she had copper highlights in her hair.
 
“Hiii…?” I said back, unsure of why she had approached me and getting a sort of
anxious feeling in my gut. I glanced over her shoulder to spot Brunet looking
in our direction, his lips pressed in a thin line. That made my imagination run
wild. Great—what did she want? Going to tell me to stop staring at her
boyfriend all the time?

But she hadn’t even noticed this time, or any other time!
 
This wasn’t fair. My drinks were almost done. I’d move pointedly away from her,
grab them, walk off… oh, good, they were already putting them out. My excuse to
skedaddle and go disappear somewhere, never to be seen or heard from again.
This was soembarrassing. Way to go, Sora. Way to go. Be a creepy ogler, why
don’t you?
 
Note: girlfriends did not like their boyfriends to be stared at by other guys.
Probably made them feel intensely uncomfortable.
 
Heels waved her hand in front of my face. I blinked and looked up. “So! What’s
your name, hm?” she asked me.
 
“Sora,” I said without thinking, and I instantly regretted it. If I was trying
to make an escape route, this was nothelping. Information by way of
distraction. Good tactic. I’d have to remember the signs for it later.
 
“Great. I’m Rinoa.” She smiled brightly at me. “I’m the best friend of the guy
you keep checking out.”
 
Oh, God—did we reallyhave to do this, why couldn’t we just—
 
Wait.
 
Best friend?
 
My face was burning hot, and I wanted to die of shame, but I managed to pick
that out of her words. They were only best friends?
 
Wait, so she hadnoticed me looking…
 
“It’s okay,” she said. “He thinks you’re cute, too. His name is Squall, by the
way.”
 
Squall? Strange name—
 
What, he thought I was cute, too?!
 
Hold on, when did—
 
“So!” She lifted a finger near her face. “You want to go out on a date with
him?”
 
“Well…” My mouth worked open, closed. This was happening so fast, I barely had
time to string one thought to another.
 
“Great!” She clapped her hands, beaming at me, as though I’d answered her
question. It didn’t seem to matter to her that I hadn’t. “There’s this art
exhibit tomorrow night in the valley, at the museum! Do you know the place?”
 
“Yeah, but—”
 
Hang on a minute—
 
“Meet him there at 7:30! It starts at eight! Then afterward, you guys can get
some dinner, get to know each other, you know?” She spoke so fast, I could
barely keep up with what she was saying. “Do you have any preference?”
 
I made some sort of strangled noise that the dictionary doesn’t have a name
for. It was all I could come up with on the spot. Now, if she’d give me more
than two seconds to answer her—
 
“Burgers, Italian, steak, Mexican, seafood—”
 
Food? I was supposed to come up with something?
 
“Bwuh—”
 
“Steak house it is, then! Squall likes steak. Is that okay?”
 
“I think so?” I replied. Was this really happening like it seemed to be? Was
she really setting me up on a date with… Squall, was his name?
 
This couldn’t be right. Nothing like this ever happened to me. I’d never been
on a date before (hadn’t wanted to, not with Riku always there). No one had
ever asked me, for that matter. And staring at some guy for a week didn’t mean
I expected that we’d ever… I… I hadn’t even gotten the courage to say hello to
him, let alone go out on a date…
 
This was a terrible idea! I’d be awful—we probably had nothing in common—what
about Riku, what about the whole thing where he’d kissed me twice and seemed
extremely confused about his sexuality—what if there was still a chance
there—no, probably not, he was just being stupid—Squall was so cute—reallycute…
 
Date?
 
Date?!
 
Date???
 
“Got your phone?” Rinoa was asking me, and I realized she’d been talking and I
had no idea what about.
 
While I stared at her like an idiot, she snatched it out of my hand.
 
“Hey!” I protested.
 
She flipped open her own phone, and I watched helplessly while she pressed
buttons on both of them. I wanted my phone back, but I was curious as to what
she was doing. If she looked like she was going to make off with it, I’d grab
it back, or try to.
 
A moment later, she presented it to me. “There’s his number. I have yours. Text
him when you get there. Great, it was nice meeting you!”
 
And, before I could say another word, she was gone—rushing away from me, heels
clacking on the tile, all the way back to Squall. I didn’t bother to see his
reaction. I grabbed the coffees and ignored the amused look the cashier was
giving me before taking off to find my mom.
 
===============================================================================
 
She was putting some dresses back.
 
“Hey,” I said, and held her macchiato out to her.
 
I startled her—she put a hand over her heart, relief crossing her face briefly
before a frown took over. “What tookyou so long? Where else did you go?”
 
I shook my head. “Nowhere. I just—I ran into someone I, er… knew… at the coffee
shop.” Mostly the truth. “Sorry.”
 
She took the macchiato with a suspicious stare, and I offered up a shaky smile.
I was trying really hard not to think about what had just happened back by the
café. It had just happened so quickly…
 
Do you want to go out with him or not? I thought you did.
 
But Riku—
 
It’s nevergoing to happen, Sora.
 
But he’d kissed me—
 
“So what award ceremony are you going to again?” I asked, to take my mind off
the matter at hand.
 
“Oh!” She smiled and blew on her coffee. All the dresses were placed back in
the proper racks. Great… She hadn’t found anything. That meant we’d be in here
a while longer. Goodie. More time for me to be unable to distract myself. “You
don’t remember from earlier?”
 
“Something about some person fresh out of high school…” The details were fuzzy.
I never paid much attention to whatever came out of her mouth. Yack, yack,
yack, chores, chores, chores. I loved my mom, I did. I also held no interest
for what she said to me half the time if it wasn’t related to something I knew,
and it usually wasn’t.
 
“Well, his name is Squall Leonhart. He won the Paopu Unity…” Oh, right, right.
“…for a short story he wrote. He’s only eighteen, you know.” Wasn’t that what
fresh out of high school meant? “It’s really a big deal. I read the story—it’s
really moving.”
 
Wait.
 
Squall?
 
How many guys were named that? Was it the same person…? Or was that too
coincidental?
 
“I heard his real last name is Loire. Leonhart is just a penname, his mother’s
maiden name.”
 
“They tell you stuff like that at your company?”
 
“Well, Iknow,” she said. “I’m not sure if much of anyone else does.” She
shrugged her shoulders and lifted up a navy blue gown, simple, conservative.
Something I hoped she’d wear. I reallydidn’t want to see my mom in something
scandalous. She looked young enough to fit the part, true. That didn’t change
anything.
 
Maybe I needed to make a big deal about it…
 
“That’s really pretty, Mom,” I said.
 
She put it back. “I don’t know. It’s okay.”
 
And this was why I preferred to stay home. Then again, I might not have met
Squall… not that I really met him… just his not-his-girlfriend…
 
Wasit the same guy…?
 
I had to talk to Riku.
 
Mom picked up a new dress, and I blinked, looking up at her.
 
“Well?” She shook the dress at me. “What do you think?”
 
===============================================================================
 
It was almost ten in the evening, but I knew Riku would be awake. He didn’t go
to bed until well past twelve. I wasn’t sure how he managed to stay awake
during school all day, every day… Maybe that was what the weekends were for?
Sleeping in? Either way, when I knocked, he answered the door, which was good,
considering his parents might have been more than a little pissed at me.
 
When he saw it was me, he frowned and opened his mouth to speak, probably
something irritable. I got there first.
 
“Why did you kiss me?”
 
It was cold outside, and I wanted to go in, discuss this in his room. I knew it
wasn’t going to happen, so I stayed put, my hands clasped together and held to
my chest. I should have brought a jacket, a thin one to ward off the chill.
Living in the mountains could be both a blessing and a curse. Right then, I was
thinking more toward curse.
 
Annoyance flashed across his face. “Jesus Christ, Sora, let it drop. It’s not
important.”
 
Okay, that stung.
 
It took me a moment to recover from it. When I did, I lowered my hands, taking
a step toward him on the stoop. He was already taller than me, and he had the
advantage of still standing in the threshold of his door. Bastard. He was
probably enjoying having the higher ground. It made me uncomfortable, yet I’d
work with what I had. Not that it was very much.
 
“What?” I protested. “Yes, it is! It’s reallyimportant!” How could he think it
wasn’t? Was he really just going to write this off?
 
Riku stuffed his hands in his pockets. “No, it’s not.”
 
What the hell?
 
“Yes, it is!” I said, my voice growing louder with my anger. I couldn’t
believethis… Was he honestly…? “What, you just—want to pretend like it never
happened, is that it? Just brush it off? You never kissed me—twice—and that’s
that?” I could have hit him, I was so mad. How dare he give me the run around
and then… what, nothing?
 
And I was expected to just shut upabout it?
 
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, it is. That’s that.”
 
“Well, it didhappen, Riku.” I was grinding my teeth so hard they hurt and the
words barely got out. Cold breath streamed from my lips. I shivered and wrapped
my arms back around myself. I was too skinny for this—standing outside in the
cold, arguing with my best friend.
 
He sighed. “It doesn’t mean we have to talk about it, Sora,” he said, like I
was some kind of idiot and he didn’t know why he bothered to put up with me.
 
It positively rankled. “Yes,it does.”
 
“No.” His eyes fixed on mine, icy like the air, just as penetrating so that the
chill began to wrap around my heart, too, and not just my skin. “It doesn’t.”
 
I really wanted to hit him! He was making me so angry! All of this—and I was
good about it, I didn’t say anything for days, I just let him be mad at me,
walk all over me, I let the rumors slide, I didn’t respond to them, I—and for
what?
 
For what?
 
“Yes!” I yelled, and I heard it echo down the empty street, “it does!”
 
“Okay, I’m done.” He shook his head and withdrew a step into his house. Said
just like that, blank stare and everything, like I didn’t matter to him, like
none of this did. What was this, his special brand of denial? “Goodnight,
Sora.”
 
“No, wait!” Damn it, I hadn’t meant to call after him. If he was strong enough
to let me walk away whenever I was upset with him, then I could be that strong,
too. I could. I knewI could. It just never happened. The sight of Riku walking
away from me physically pained me.
 
He whipped back around to glare at me. “What?”
 
Desperate, panting, I pushed my fingers in my hair and stared at him for
several long moments. I licked my lips, tried to talk several times, nothing
would come out. Nothing ever did. I was nervous, reluctant to ask what I had to
ask. The other question hadn’t gone over so well, and I was already pushing his
patience…
 
“What?” he repeated.
 
“Are—are we still friends?” I blurted out.
 
“Of course we are, Sora,” he said, and he shook his head. The annoyance turned
into faint amusement, and he arched a brow at me. “Don’t be stupid.”
 
What was so funny about this?!
 
“Well, you’rethe one who’s been avoiding me!” I said heatedly. I was trying not
to yell again. His parents—his neighbors, even—would let it go the first time.
Not a second. No disturbances were tolerated here. I reallywished we could take
this inside, but with the way things were between us right now, I just wasn’t
brave enough to ask.
 
“I haven’t been avoiding you,” he said, calmly enough that my teeth were
grinding again.
 
“You don’t talkto me!”
 
His other brow rose. “You don’t talk to me, either?” 
 
Reluctantly, I shut my mouth, trying to think of some reply to that.
Unfortunately, he had a point. I hadn’t.
 
Silence stretched between us for a healthy length of time before he broke it
with a sigh. I glanced up at him, hurt, wounded, ready to call it a quits. I
couldn’t dealwith this anymore… What had I expected, coming here? Some reason
for me not to go on that date with that Squall guy? Which I still hadn’t even
given much thought to… I was so dependent on Riku, I… what if I missed
something, what if…?
 
“We can hang out tomorrow night if you want,” Riku said, startling me. That was
one of the last things I’d thought would come out of his mouth. “Watch a movie
or something? Isn’t that… whatever movie you wanted to see coming out? The one
with the race cars?”
 
“I…” I licked my lips. It was now or never. “I can’t tomorrow night…”
 
His eyes narrowed. “Why?” he said, his voice sharp. Riku didn’t take rejection
well.
 
“Well, I… I’m going to an art show…” I shrugged my shoulders, gave him a
harmless smile. See, look at me, all nice and not trying to spurn you. Please
don’t get upset. Please.
 
His lips twisted to one side as he eyed me in minor disbelief. “…You don’t know
jack shit about art.”
 
Ugh, why did I even bother to soothe his ruffled feathers!
 
“I’m going on a date,” I said. Maybe he’d get the point now, since I’d had to
spell it out for him.
 
“…Really?”
 
Why the crap did he stilllook so disbelieving?!
 
Before I could get myself worked up again about that, he shrugged, too. “Okay.”
 
Er…
 
No “Who is she? What’s her name?” He just showed a complete and utter lack of
interest? Why? Was he just fed up with dealing with me? I had thought for sure
he’d at least want to know the details. He might have been oblivious as to my
feelings for him, but the guy was possessive as hell when it came to who I
spent my time with, especially if I’d just turned him down about spending some
time together.
 
“We can hang out Saturday night, then.” He put his hand on my head, gently
ruffled my hair, like Iwas the one who needed soothing. “Get coffee. See the
movie.”
 
“Well…”
 
What else was there to say?
 
“Okay, then,” I agreed quietly. “Sounds good.”
 
I made my way home, unsure what to make of what had just happened, or the day
in general.
 
I was going on my first date ever with a guy named Squall, who may or may not
have been possibly Squall Loire/Leonhart, a fresh out of high school kid who
was winning the Paopu Unity Award for some short story he wrote. And if
thatwasn’t a mouthful, his best friend had asked me out for him… which left
enough questions. I hadn’t bothered to stick around to see Squall’s response.
He’d looked pretty upset when she’d walked over.
 
Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea?
 
But he was so pretty… and the whole situation with Riku wasn’t going anywhere…
nope, nowhere… because apparently he didn’t think we needed to talk about it,
like you’re supposed to do with this kind of thing…
 
Your best friend made out with you, and then pretended it never happened.
Seemed like the kind of thing to happen all the time. That didn’t mean I wanted
it to happen to me.
 
Ugh, what should I have been doing?
 
I really wanted to go out on the date with Squall…
 
I didn’t want to miss a chance with Riku, either…
 
What chance, Sora?I scolded myself. If he can’t keep his act together, it’s not
your fault.
 
He hadn’t even seemed jealous at the idea of me going out with someone. Only
extremely apathetic. That was answer enough, right?
 
Date it is, then,I thought.
 
Here was hoping I wasn’t about to make the biggest mistake of my life.
***** Wicked Cool *****
"Hey."
 
I turned at the touch to my elbow to find Kairi there, her eyes lowered in what
seemed to be apology. I could've been wrong, but I didn't think I was. Kairi
wasn't alwayseasy to read, it was just that she rarely felt the need to
apologize for something she'd done. I could spot the look immediately. The
question was, was I ready to forgive for ignoring me for the last five days?
 
Yes.
 
Yes, I was.
 
Kairi was my other best friend, not as close to me as Riku was, no, but close
enough that I could tell her things I couldn't tell Riku. Riku laughed at
everything he found ridiculous, which was most of what I had to say. Kairi,
however, appreciated where the line was drawn between funny and cruel, and even
if it wasfunny, if it was important to me, she wouldn't laugh about it. Not for
very long, anyway. And she wouldn't continue giving me hell about it later,
either.
 
I reallywanted to talk to her about what was going on with Riku, and the whole
date with Squall. I'd had no one to mention it to for a whole day, and it was
already killing me. I couldn't talk to Riku about—well—anyof it, for obvious
reasons. He was half the problem, and for the other half, well, he didn't know
about my sexual orientation, and that was a whole other level of things I
couldn't share with him.
 
If he knew about my preference, it wouldn't take long for him to piece together
that I was in love with him.
 
"Hey," I replied. "What's up?"
 
"I just… um…" Kairi reached up, pushing her bangs out of her eyes. "I was
just—wondering if you want to get together this evening? Get some coffee or see
a movie or something?"
 
My heart sank. "Oh, I can't…" And she was going to take this the wrong way.
 
"O-Oh." She straightened her shoulders and lifted her head, giving me a small
nod. It made me feel like a villain, even though she'd been the one ignoring me
for most of the week. I hated to see her upset. "Okay. Well—sorry I bothered
you, then."
 
I caught her arm before she could get very far. "No, it's just—I've got a
date!"
 
That gave her pause. She blinked a few times, then slowly raised her eyes to
mine. I fought not to squirm uncomfortably. What was with the piercing stare?
 
"Oh… Really?" she asked, curiosity apparent in the two words.
 
What was with everyone not believing me?
 
"Yeah. Really," I said, and maybe I sounded a bit bitter. Why was it so hardto
believe that I'd actually gotten a date? Maybe because I was pining after Riku
all the time.
 
She was quiet for several long moments. I let her gather her thoughts, unsure
if I wanted to know what was going through her head or not. I had an idea, and
I knew it was going to irritate me slightly. Sure enough, a second later, she
proved me right.
 
"It's not with Riku, is it?"
 
Scratch mentioning the second kiss."Nope," I said.
 
I made myself smile wide so she wouldn't see the tick in my eye. I didn't blame
her, I didn't. I probably wouldn't have liked Riku, either, if I had been on
the opposite side of the spectrum. That didn't mean I felt for him any less.
That didn't mean it didn't bother me that she wouldn't be happy at the thought
of me with someone I'd wanted to be with for a good portion of my life. I
hadn't always recognized what it was, but I did now, and that was what
mattered.
 
"Oh." She visibly relaxed, shoulders easing down, thinness to her mouth
leaving. "Then who?"
 
"Uhm," I said. "His name is Squall…"
 
I debriefed her on the situation. As I talked, kids pushed around us, eager to
make it to their busses or car pick-ups. Riku was taking me home that day, so I
needed to get a move on, but I had to inform Kairi first. I had to tell
someone. I would've told my parents if they'd known, but they wouldn't stop at
me just going on a date like Riku did. They'd want to know… and they already
didn't know a lot. As far as they were concerned, I was hanging out with a
friend from school, catching dinner and getting together for a study group.
 
There was Spook, and there was Rinoa, the girl with the crazy talking skills,
and there was Squall himself. I mentioned all the times I'd run into him, so
she could get the full effect of what I was trying to tell her, that it was
oddthat it all turned out this way.
 
When I was done, I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck and gave her a wane
smile. "That's about it."
 
"Oh! Well—you'll have to tell me how it goes, okay? This is really great, I'm
really happy for you!" She took my free hand, the one that wasn't holding my
books. She bounced forward to the balls of her feet. "I've got to go, though! I
really want to talk to you about all the details, but it's going to have to
wait til later!"
 
I smiled despite myself. Darn. I'd really wanted a second opinion.
 
"Okay," I said.
 
She hurried off with a little wave, and I made my way to my locker before Riku
could hunt me down and kill me for having to wait for me.
 
===============================================================================
 
"Tidus thinks he's not going to play basketball this year, and I—"
 
I fumbled for my phone as its music sounded from my pocket. Riku shot me an
annoyed look, and I ignored him. The guy constantly had to be the center of
attention. Whatever. He'd do the same to me. Not that that mattered to him. His
way of thinking was skewed. Most people called it selfish, or said that he had
double standards.
 
Every guy had double standards about something. Maybe not everything, but
something. Riku? Everything.
 
"Hello?" I said into the phone.
 
"Hey, Sora! It's me, Rinoa! What's up?"
 
Sitting up straight in my seat hard enough that the seatbelt tried to choke me,
I pressed the phone into my ear and simultaneously attempted to breathe.
"Oh—um—hi!" Was she calling to tell me Squall had canceled the date? Not that
he'd already set it… Okay, that he'd opted out. Oh, God, I hoped she wasn't.
I'd never live down the embarrassment from the torment Riku would put me
through.
 
Then again, I could just pretend I really went on it, and somehow manage to
keep up with all the details I'd have to create… No, it still wouldn't work.
Riku could spot a lie on my face before it even occurred to me to give it. On
the phone? Still too risky… The guy just knew me way too well.
 
This blows, I thought, aware that I'd already resigned myself to the date not
happening.
 
"I just wanted to see if you want to get together afterward, tomorrow night,
you know, see how the date went! So you can tell me all about it?"
 
Oh—
 
Tell her all about it? Why would I have done that? She was a complete and total
stranger—a complete and total stranger who had hooked me up with her incredibly
attractive gay—bi?—best friend… I really didn't know anything about this guy.
The only part of this that didn't make it a blind date was that I'd seen his
face.
 
I almost told her yes, then I remembered Riku was sitting next to me. "I, er—I
can't. I have plans with Ri—my friend. On Saturday. Coffee at seven, then a
movie." My voice sounded odd, strained, like I had a lump stuck in my throat.
Why was I so nervous? I hated being nervous. I tended to spill more details
than was absolutely necessary.
 
"Well, we can all just get together, then!"
 
"What, like…"
 
I didn't get the chance to say 'double date.' "Great, see you, ciao!"
 
I stared blankly at the phone, then lifted my eyes slowly to Riku. He turned
his head to glance at me through his sunglasses. We shared a look, and then he
returned his attention to the road. Whatever I had to say, I had to say it now,
or he'd assume it wasn't anything and resume telling me about Tidus. Better get
it out quickly, then, or I'd never get the chance to again… not and have him
agree to it, anyway.
 
Our conversational cues seemed odd, yes, but I knew the ins and outs of them.
Maybe it was why I'd stayed by Riku's side longer than anyone else had. He
could rely on me to read everything he didn'tsay. …Even thinking about that in
my own head sounded messed up. He needed to become a lot less difficult if he
wanted people to stick around.
 
"Um… so… do you want to, um… go? With Rinoa and… Squall… tomorrow…? She's a new
friend of mine, um… She kinda just invited herself along…"
 
Riku didn't say anything. This was my turn to offer what he'd get out of going.
 
"Rinoa's that hot girl that lives around the corner from me." I assumed she
did, anyway. I'd probably find out soon. It didn't matter. He'd know who I was
talking about. He'd remember the face of any girl he found really pretty. Now I
was going to find out how pretty he thought Rinoa actually was.
 
"Sure," he said.
 
So he did find her pretty enough to be memorable.
 
But… that was it? Usually I got at least a bit more of an argument… He wasn't
even going to ask who Squall was? Might have pieced together that it was the
guy who had been with her… which would mean he'd think they were together… Was
he interested in a girl that was, for all intents and purposes, taken? No, I
wasn't going to get into this. It would just make my brain hurt.
 
I frowned and sat back in my seat, the wind from the open windows ruffling my
hair.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
We were parked in my driveway, and any minute I was going to get out of the
Mustang and make my way inside my house. The thing was… I wasn't ready yet… I
had a bit of a dilemma… and Riku could help me with it. It'd be great. He was
just the person I needed to ask. Right? Wrong. A small part of me was dying at
the thought of asking, but I had to. I was hopeless without any help.
 
This was my first date, after all. People had to learn somewhere, from someone.
 
"Riku, um…" I tugged at my sweatband. "Could you help me dress up for the date?
I'm not sure what to wear to an art show…"
 
So, was he going to be that person? That someone to learn from?
 
"Can't," he said, and he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "Got
plans."
 
Apparently not.
 
I twisted in my seat to frown at him. "But… how… do you have plans? You—you
were going to hang out with me tonight, except I've got this date." At an art
show with a person I didn't even know. Wasn't Riku supposed to be my best
friend? My wing man? He was supposed to have my back! I'd have hisif I knew
anything about what to wear to these sorts of events.
 
"I've got a life, Sora, God."
 
"What's thatmean supposed to mean?" Ugh, what was his problem? Everything was a
fight with him! Couldn't he just agree to help me for once when it was on his
dime? I got that he liked things to be convenient, but honestly, it wasn't like
I asked for much from him. Ever.
 
"Obviously since you weren't available, I made newplans?" Riku found a piece of
gum on his person and popped it into his mouth. He didn't offer me any. People
were stingy about their gum, so I couldn't fault him for it, even though in
that moment I badly wanted to. Perfect looks, perfect smile, perfect athlete,
perfect grades… horrid personality beneath it all. Wasn't that how it usually
worked?
 
Remember, Sora, he's your best friend for a reason.
 
Which is what, exactly?
 
"But, Riku," I tried calmly, reasonably. He could be reasoned with, right? "I
haven't ever—"
 
"You'll be fine. Just wear a polo or something." He turned his keys in the
ignition, his feet moving on the pedals. His hand fell to the stick shift. "All
right, I gotta go. Out of my car. Chop chop."
 
I guess I can ask Kairi for help on what to wear…
 
I put my hand on the door, ready to climb out. Something made me hesitate. A
question that had been nagging at me.
 
"Spit it out," he said.
 
"Riku—does it… bother you that I'm going on this date?" I looked at him over my
shoulder.
 
He didn't even turn his head in my direction, just put his cheek against his
palm, elbow resting on the open window like it usually did. "Why would it
bother me?" he said.
 
"…Well. Okay."
 
Riku was a professional at answering a question with a question. The problem
was that it was notworth probing further. It never was. He hated questions, and
he knew how to make my life miserable. Reasons enough for me to back off right
there. Another example of picking my battles. I didn't want him to be nasty to
me just for the sake of it, just because he was annoyed.
 
He reached out and put his hand on my head, startling me. "You're such a goof,"
he said, and he ruffled my hair.
 
Right. Goof.
 
"Have fun."
 
I will,I thought as I got out of the car. No thanks to you.
 
===============================================================================
 
I was faced with complete and utter indecision. Riku had said a polo, but was
that enough? Was it too much? I didn't know, rrgh. I could hear my mother
downstairs, getting ready to make dinner for her and Dad. I could ask her… no,
no. Best to stick with Kairi. Hopefully she'd answer her phone now that she was
talking to me again.
 
It almost went to voicemail, then she picked up, breathless. "Hello?"
 
"Hey, um… I need help." My clothes seemed ominous, all lined up on their
hangars as they were, color-coded by my mother. I didn't know why she bothered
except that it made her happy, so whatever. She washed my clothes. She got to
say what she did with them.
 
"What's up?"
 
I bit onto my thumb, my skin salty. "…What do I wear?"
 
"To an art show at a museum?" She sounded distracted, like she was
concentrating on something. It disheartened me a little. She wasn't going to be
much help, was she? Might as well get off the phone with her soon. At least it
was only supposed to be a quick phone call, anyway.
 
"Uh huh."
 
Her sigh crackled over the line. "You're so hopeless, Sora."
 
"Hey—" I started, offended.
 
"Nice polo, pair of khakis."
 
"That's… it?" Semi-formal? Why couldn't Riku have just told me that? Well… he
kindadid… but kinda wasn't the same as did. Ugh.
 
"Yup. Gotta go, painting my nails. Text me later to tell me how it went!"
 
Aborting the phone call. Sure. "Okay, bye," I said, and we hung up.
 
I put my hands on top of my head and tried to decide which polo would be best.
I liked the color red. Really liked it. My favorite. But Riku had dressed me in
blue last time… Both looked good on me. Which one, though? There should've been
a handbook for complex things like this… There probably was, actually. Dating
101. Dating for Dummies. Sora's First Date. Yeah. Something like that.
 
Since I wore blue last time, I decided to go with red. It parted with its
hangar, and I tossed it over my shoulder, along with a pair of khakis, and then
headed for the bathroom. Now if only I could figure out what to do with my
hair…
 
 
I managed to fix my spikes into something resembling what Riku had done to them
at the party. I wasn't sure if they looked as good, but on the other hand, they
were as good as they were going to get. I'd done my best.
 
I thought about leaving my wristband like Riku had made me do last time and
decided against it. I liked the thing. Plus, it gave my hands something to do
when I was nervous. I fidgeted a lot. Toying with the band focused most of that
energy onto it instead of shifting my weight from foot to foot constantly or
something equally obvious. Just one of my tells, nothing else.
 
Mom gave me the keys to her Camry for the night. I had a license, no car to
call my own. Sucked, but I'd get one soon enough, or that was what my dad kept
telling me. We'd see if that came into fruition or not. If it didn't, that was
okay, too. I was fine bumming rides for now or taking the bus. The latter
wasn't my favorite way to travel but, eh, I'd been doing it for how many years
of my life now? You just get used to it after a while.
 
I was glad she let me borrow the car. Imagine if she had taken me to my date…
or anyone, for that matter… I was sixteen now. I had some dignity to keep.
Besides, Squall was a college kid. He'd be sounimpressed. I'd want to die.
 
There were a lot of cars at the museum. Seemed like it was a big event, this
art show. I found a place to park, pocketed my keys and phone, and made my way
inside. The closer I got to the doors, my breath streaming white in the night
air, the more people gathered next to me, followed my pace. Scrutinizing them
revealed that they were all dressed similar to me. Kairi and Riku had been
right, then. Semi-formal.
 
Nerves were a knot in my stomach, threatening to make me sick. I had a moment
of panic. What if he wasn't here? What if this was just a stupid way to make
fun of the guy who had looked like he'd been stalking Squall, even if that so
wasn't the case at all? …No, it would be way too elaborate for that.
 
Well, what if Squall had changed his mind? He wasn't the one who'd asked me out
in the first place… Rinoa had for him… I'd had the thought before, but now it
was really niggling at my brain… The thought had a point, a very good one. He
could have easily wiggled out. Would Rinoa had called me almost four hours ago
if he had, though? I liked to think not.
 
Unless it was a last minute decision to back out—
 
Okay, Sora, now you're just getting yourself worked up over nothing. 
 
I made it inside. The heater wasn't turned on, but the heat from the day was
still circulating, so it fought off the chill trying to permeate through the
glass doors. Not many people in the mountains had air conditioning. It just
never got that hot in the summer, so it wasn't needed.
 
My eyes roamed over the room. Squall, Squall, where was—
 
There!
 
His eyes met mine at the same time, and my heart gave a startled beat. My smile
was probably strained. My fingers twitched, wanting to fiddle. I kept them
still and headed over, only having to slightly push my way through the throng
of people. He straightened from the wall he'd been leaning against and prowled
his way over to me. We met halfway.
 
He was wearing a simple white shirt over some jeans that fit nicely around his
thighs and formed around his boots. A whisker wash was on the front of the
denim, making it seem almost white against the blue. To ward off the cold was a
bomber jacket, black, the leather perfect against his build, over the broad
spread of his shoulders and the length of his arms. He was tall. I barely made
it up to his chest.
 
I tilted my head back to see his face. "Um, hi," I said nervously, when it
became apparent that neither of us was going to speak immediately.
 
He inclined his head. I watched the fall of his bangs slide across his
forehead, into his… grayeyes. Finally, I was close enough to see. They weren't
quite a blue, just the color of a washed out sky. It reminded me of our winters
here. Overcast, clouds full with snow, ready to drop it at any second, slowly
floating past.
 
"…Hi," he returned, and the deep cadence of his voice thrummed through my
blood. Okay, maybe this had been a bad, badidea. I was into this guy way too
much. It was going to screw the whole night up for me. I wouldn't be able to
keep my wits straight, I just knew it. "…Sora, right?"
 
"Yeah," I said. "U-Um—"
 
I didn't get a chance to babble about whatever had been about to come out of my
mouth. The doors in the foyer opened, and people began streaming in to the
right. What? But it wasn't even eight yet, wasn't it supposed to start at
eight? The clock on the wall said it wasn't even a quarter til. Maybe Rinoa had
gotten the times wrong?
 
Squall raised his eyebrows, so I swallowed down my voice and followed the
crowd. The foyer wasn't very interesting, anyway. Just standard pale yellow
walls with a case of trinkets, a front desk, and security.
 
We wandered from room to room. I hadn't ever been to the museum before despite
having lived in this town all my life. Not that it mattered. Things had been
moved, displays had been covered, a route through certain rooms had been picked
out. We were here for the art show and nothing else being showcased in this
building. Made sense. The temporary walls weren't so tacky looking, either.
Whoever had come up with this event had made it nice, something the papers
wouldn't trash Sunday morning.
 
Squall didn't say anything else. It wasn't doing anything for my nerves, only
making them worse. I wasn't talking, either, but… well. I could try? I—I didn't
know anything about art… Oh, God, what to say, what to say?
 
"That's, uhm… interesting," I said, and gestured at a painting of some kind of
Picasso thing going on. I didn't really know what I was looking at with these.
Everyone around us seemed impressed, which made me feel bad, as I wasn't really
on the same train of thought. All this art looked hideousto me.
 
He made a quiet noise, very noncommittal. I couldn't tell if he was agreeing or
being disdainful.
 
Just have a good time, Sora,I told myself. We're here for him. He likes art.
Why else would we be stuck at this lame art show?
 
These were all local artists. All I could say was, if they were trying to make
it big, they were going to fail. I was a terrible art critic, I was sure, but
my opinion had to count for something, right? Surely I couldn't be the only one
who felt like this was crap?
 
I tilted my head at a painting that was almost… obscene. "…Enlightening," I
said.
 
I glanced over at Squall to see his reaction and just barely missed a smile
twitching at the corner of his mouth before his face turned away from me and I
couldn't see it anymore. Great. Now I didn't know if he was making fun of me or
not. I was getting nothing from this guy! Did he want to be here? Had he even
wanted to be on this date with me, or was he just humoring his friend?
 
"It's okay. He thinks you're cute, too."
 
I had a terrible thought. What if she'd been making that part up…?
 
No, Sora. Focus!
 
We had to have spent a good twenty minutes in there, pausing to examine each
painting. Squall still hadn't said anything. I honestly didn't know what I
expected. Not necessarily a champ for a conversationalist, no, just—something.
I felt so awkward. I had no idea, and as the minutes crept past, that didn't
change. How to even start up something to talk about? I hated this place. I
wanted to leave. These paintings sucked.
 
I tried to find something positive to say about every painting we stopped at.
After a while, though, I had to resort to lifting my hand, opening my mouth to
discover nothing was coming out, and then absently pat my spikes to cover up
the movement. And each time, that quiet smirk would cross Squall's lips, so
quickly I was never really sure if it was there or not. It was starting to
rankle, kind of.
 
We came to a stop in front of the center piece of the entire event. Everyone
was whispering in wonder around us, praising it beneath their breaths to their
companions. I could only stare at it, my mind unable to comprehend what I was
seeing. Was it—no, couldn't be… there was no way they'd be so lewd—oh, God, but
what else wouldit be? …I wanted to stop looking at it, couldn't tear my eyes
away… what wasit…?
 
"Okay," I said. "I've tried… I just—what is that even supposed to be?" I
ignored the glares I received from the people standing next to me who
overheard. "I mean—this sucks." It did suck. A lot. These people were
delusional for thinking otherwise. Trendy or not… augh! There were lines that
shouldn't have been crossed, and they were.
 
"Yeah, it blows," Squall said.
 
Surprised that he'd actually spoken again, I jerked my head up to him. He was
looking right at me, direct eye contact like before in the foyer. My pulse sped
a little. Oh, Jesus. The guy had ignored me most of the exhibit, and I was
ready to swoon again when he finally paid a little more attention to me. Kairi
was right. I washopeless.
 
"…You don't like it, either?" I ventured, wondering if I might have imagined
him talking to me.
 
He gave a very small shake of his head.
 
"Any of it?" Didn't he like art…? Why else would we have been here…?
 
That faint smile touched his mouth, and he lifted his thumb, rubbing it over
his eyebrow as his gaze wandered. "It wasn't my idea to come here…" He dropped
his eyes and gave a small shrug of his shoulders. Somehow, amazingly, his
awkwardness in that moment made him… incredibly cuter than before.
 
"Oh," I said, captivated and trying not to be obvious about it—mostly failing.
"Rinoa's idea, huh?"
 
A nod.
 
It was my turn to smile. So he didn't think less of me for finding this art
show absolute crap. Good thing it had been Rinoa's idea. I didn't know what I
would have done had it really been Squall's, after all. I couldn't pretend I
liked something I wasn't into.
 
"Want to grab something to eat?" I asked.
 
"Sounds good," he agreed.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
The BMW Rinoa had climbed into the other day was indeed Squall's. I followed in
my Camry, feeling a lot better about the evening and how it was going… that is,
until we pulled up into a fancy steakhouse my wallet definitely couldn't
afford. I could feel it withering away in my pocket just at the sight of the
sign. Oh, no. What did I do?
 
I sat in the car for several long moments, eyes glued to the front doors,
knuckles white around the steering wheel as I clutched it in a death grip.
Would it really be too much of a bother to my pride if I just told Squall I
couldn't do it? He didn't know me. He had no way of knowing what my allowance
was. What was there to be embarrassed about? Simple misunderstanding of funds
involving one party…
 
The lights went off in the cab, and I was swamped in darkness. I needed to
move… get out of there, tell Squall I couldn't do it. There was just no way. I
didn't even own enough money to cover one steak!
 
Squall… walking across the parking lot… headed my way…
 
Aw, damn it.
 
Regretting it with every fiber of my being, I opened the door and climbed out.
It was now or never. Just tell him you can't afford it, it’s no big deal,I told
myself. If he's got a problem with it, then he's just a prick, and you don't
need to date him, anyway.But when someone like that had an interest in you,
someone that gorgeous, you wantedto date them. You didn't want them to go away.
 
He didn't say anything, just tilted his head in question and put his hands in
his pockets.
 
I bit my lip. "I can't, um… I can't affo—"
 
His eyebrows lifted. "Oh." Then, with that quiet smile of his, he shook his
head and chuckled a little beneath his breath. "No, it's fine." He stepped down
from the curb I was parked in front of and closed the door for me. "Don't worry
about it. You got everything?"
 
So he was going to cover the tab?
 
"Yeah, um…" I patted my pockets, locked the car doors. "Yeah, everything's
here."
 
The reservation was made under the name Loire. So it wasthe same Squall… I'd
figured as much. It was nice, though, to see that I was right. I was musing
over that as the hostess grabbed two menus and guided us to our table. Most of
the attire here was still semi-formal, with candles on the tables and low music
playing over the background murmur of people speaking to one another.
 
At first, I felt awkward. Two guys, on a date, in a more close-minded town… But
there were plenty of men grouped together here and there. Probably just on
business. Whatever. It didn't matter, did it? If Squall was comfortable, then
Icould be comfortable. Two guys dining together didn't necessarily mean they
were gay, right? Right.
 
You're just being paranoid, Sora.
 
Squall might not like that…
 
That settled, I pushed it from my mind.
 
A server introduced herself, asked for our drinks—I got an orange soda, Squall
got a coke—and then departed to go get them. In the meantime, we unfolded our
napkins and placed them in our laps. I tried not to let the amount of
silverware make me nervous and pondered on the two questions I wanted to ask
Squall.
 
First off, where was his bodyguard? Secondly, I needed to bring up the short
story he'd written. The former didn't really seem like first date material,
whereas the latter did, so I supposed I'd better go with that. Squall didn't
seem particularly happy about even having a bodyguard. On the other hand, I
didn't know how he felt about the short story.  
 
"So, um—this is going to sound weird, but…" I explained how my mom knew about
what his real last name was instead of his penname.
 
"Oh…" He wouldn't look at me as he grasped a fork, lifting it from the pristine
white table cloth, setting it down. "…Yeah, that's me."
 
"Well, I haven't exactly read it yet, but… you're really young, how do you feel
to be receiving that kind of award?"
 
"It's—I haven't really thought about it…" He let out a soft breath, and his
brows pinched together. "Look, can we… not talk about it?" Agitation colored
his tone, along with a great deal of discomfort. Was he shy about it, or was it
something deeper? I didn't know him well enough or long enough to probe.
 
"Yeah, sure," I replied, trying not to feel put out.
 
Great, now it was just awkward…
 
I plucked at my wristband and sighed. The server came back with our drinks and
bread and asked if we were ready to order yet. I realized I hadn't even looked
at the menu.
 
"I'll give you two a few more minutes, then," she said, smiling sweetly, and
she bustled off. I hoped Squall tipped her well, she was really nice.
 
I nearly choked when I opened up the menu and saw the prices glaring back up at
me. Forty-five dollars for a steak?! Holy Christ! There was no way I could let
him pay for something like this! There was no way Iwould have paid for
something like this, even if I'd had the money. No way. No. We couldn't eat
here.
 
"Don't worry about it," he said, his eyes on his menu. Was my disbelief that
obvious that he could tell without even needing to glance at me?
 
"But—"
 
"It's fine."
 
I swallowed down more protests. This guy didn't leave any room for arguments,
did he? And I didn't want to annoy him again by pushing the issue. If he wanted
to pay, if he said it was okay, then fine. I'd just deal with it, deal with how
uncomfortable it made me. In the end, it was his money. I could get used to it.
 
The server returned as I was closing my menu. Squall looked at me to order
first, so I did. A filet with a baked potato and a side salad. He got a rib-eye
with scalloped potatoes. Our meals were jotted down, and she bustled off,
ponytail bobbing. I stared after her longingly, my stomach clenched with
hunger. I was afraid to touch the bread. I didn't want to do anything wrong.
The server being there at least kept the focus off just the two of us.
 
"You play Pirate Heroes?"
 
Jerked out of my thoughts, I looked first at Squall, then at my sweatband,
which had the Pirate Heroes emblem on it. When did my arms put themselves on
the table? I must have been more fidgety than I'd realized. Oops. But—
 
"You play video games?" I countered.
 
He nodded slowly. "…Some. Mostly RPGs. Action's good, too."
 
I grinned at that. "I love RPGs. People complain about there being too much
story, but that's what I like about them. That, and all the stuff to do…"
Although I'm not as much as a completionist as Riku.I bit my tongue against
mentioning him. I sensed that it wouldn't be such a bright idea, bringing up
another guy, especially one that was so important to me. Might send the wrong
idea. This wasa first date.
 
We talked the rest of the way through dinner. It was how I discovered that
Squall was mostly introverted, but if you brought up a subject that really got
him going, he became very talkative. And he was educated, it was in every word
he said. I could believe he'd won an award for something he'd written.
 
The food was great. The second I put a piece of that steak into my mouth, I
could understand why it was forty-five dollars. It practically melted on my
tongue. Hell, it had fallen apart when I had sent my knife through it. So
tender. And seasoned really well, too. I didn't think steak would ever be the
same after this.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Squall and I parted only briefly. I parked at home, then raced down the street
and over to his house to meet up with him, so we could go on a walk around the
neighborhood. We weren't ready to part yet, and there wasn't much else to do at
this time of the night that was legal for either of us. Besides, it was nice to
talk to someone who wasn't so fixated on breaking the law just because he
could. I wasn't naming any names, Riku.
 
He liked to read, and so did I. His tastes ranged from non-fiction to many
types of fiction. There wasn't much he wasn't interested in. As long as it had
a good story, he'd read it. The same went for video games, in a way. The
graphics didn't matter. Just the story. Movies and comics followed along the
same lines, too.
 
We had so much in common, I thought I was going to burst with it. I had things
in common with Riku, of course, just not as many. Squall was almost identical
with the same tastes. He'd already promised to make a list of books I hadn't
read yet that he'd mentioned. That meant we were going to be doing this again…
Tomorrow was on still.
 
He took me home. Fair was fair, because now he knew where I lived. He'd already
been pleasantly surprised that we were rooted in the same neighborhood before
we'd left the restaurant. I'd feigned surprise, too. I was still leery of him
thinking I was a stalker. Didn't want to chase him away, not now that I knew he
was so cool, not over something that could sound worse than it was.
 
"Well, um…" I laughed a little and put my arms around myself as we neared my
front door. Crap, it was cold. Should have grabbed a jacket before my mad dash
to catch up with Squall, but I hadn't wanted to risk my parents actually waking
up the one time I didn't want them to. They didn't approve of me wandering dark
places by myself at night, and I reallydidn't want to explain Squall, never
mind that I was a boy and not a girl.
 
"Goodnight, I guess," Squall said. He came to a stop before me, his hands in
his pockets. "I'll see you soon?"
 
My heart warmed at that. "Yeah, sure. Um…"
 
Crap. What did people say once the date was obviously over? We'd gone to the
art show, eaten the tastiest dinner of my life, walked my neighborhood, which
was quite large, twice… now he was dropping me off at my doorstep. That
handbook would have been handier than ever right at that moment. Chapter Four:
Whilst at the Doorstep.
 
Maybe I needed to talk about how good of a time I had? Or did I risk being
sissy? I didn't want to be a girl…
 
"Tonight was fun," I started. "And I had a really good—"
 
Squall leaned into me. I stumbled, my back hitting the door. His hands came to
rest on either side of my head, fingers against the glass panes. I stared up at
him, heart hammering at my ribs. Was he doing what I thought he was doing? Why
else would he have just suddenly pinned me to the door?
 
Slowly, his lips brushed against mine.
 
ohgodohgodohgod—
 
He didn't waste time. One gentle peck, and then his tongue was pushing against
my mouth, demanding entrance. I was a little taken aback by the aggressiveness.
That didn't stop me. I parted my lips for him, let him dip in. I liked the
taste of his breath. It was the last coherent thought I had before he began to
devour my mouth.
 
If there was one good thing I could say about the two kisses Riku had attacked
me with over the past week, it was that they had taught me how to kiss, at
least a little bit.
 
Squall was thorough. He swallowed every sigh I made, every tiny groan that
rumbled from my lips with his. His fingers threaded their way through my hair,
and I rested my hands against the flat planes of his chest. He pressed me
harder into the door, the length of his body hot against mine, and I didn't
miss a thing, there was all of him, firm and lean.
 
He used his grip on my hair to tilt my head back for him. I was compliant,
letting him do what he wanted. His teeth bit at my lips, his fingers tightened
in my hair. I bit back, lips stinging, and something like a growl escaped him.
His tongue was rough on mine, his mouth a bruising, demanding force. I loved
every second of it.
 
And then, just as suddenly as it started, he broke away.
 
"Goodnight," he breathed, his eyes dark.
 
"Goodnight," I squeaked. Yeah, I was so sexy. Great.
 
He drew his hand through his hair and pivoted. I watched him disappear into the
darkness. Once I thought there was feeling in my knees again, I fished my keys
out of my pants and made my way inside up to my room, navigating through the
darkness. My brain was whirring fast. It wouldn't shut up. And why would it,
after that!
 
'That' being the most amazing kiss of my life, all three of them that there
were.
 
I undressed down to my boxers and climbed into bed. I pulled the covers all the
way over my head. I couldn't stop thinking about Squall and the way his mouth
had tasted, had felt. Even now, my lips felt sensitive when I licked them,
nicely stinging. He'd kissed me senseless. And he hadn't even knownme for very
long… and it had stopped just like that… he'd wanted me, he hadn't looked like
he didn't…
 
My arousal was notgoing away.
 
Biting my lip, I rolled onto my back and slipped my hand down the front of my
boxers.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
I was busy with chores all day Saturday other than drum line practice in the
morning. I sent Kairi a vague text that it went well. I didn't want to really
elaborate until we were on the phone. Call me paranoid again, but when you had
friends like Riku, who were prone to reading your texts without your
permission, you would be, too. The last thing I wanted was my bubble of
happiness being popped. I hadn't been in one in a really long time.
 
My nerves were in huge knots most of the day. It was worse than when I'd
initially gone on the date. The most I'd had to worry about it then was it not
going well. I wouldn't have lost anything. Now the stakes were higher. Squall
and I actually likedeach other. There was a lot more to lose if things bombed.
It'd hurt more. Once a connection between two people was there, it was really
messy to snip the line. Even if it was a clean snip, someone always suffered.
 
For me, if this went bad, I'd be missing out on a really great opportunity.
Maybe I wouldn't be bummed out about it forever, but I didn't relish being
bummed out at all.
 
Worse yet, I had Riku to worry about. I couldn't act like Squall and I were
dating, could I? Not if I didn't want Riku to know… How would Squall feel about
that?
 
Ugh, my life was way too complicated where it involved Riku!
 
Riku picked me up twenty minutes before we had to be at the café. I crawled
into the car, and he took off. This time, I was dressed more like myself, a
simple Graphic-T and some cargos and sneakers. He didn't ask me about the date,
and I spent most of the drive looking out the window, still thinking about that
amazing kiss and how well the evening had gone.
 
Maybe it was obvious I'd had a good time. Maybe that was why Riku didn't ask.
 
Maybe.
 
Squall and Rinoa were already sitting when we got there. They were at a
circular table, seated next to one another. I eyed the open space on Squall's
other side and made a beeline for it, confident Riku would follow. I was so
focused on it that when I got to it, it took me a moment to realize I was
seeing Riku pulling out that very chair and helping himself to it.
 
I stood there, awkward. Why didn't he sit by Rinoa? Why by Squall?
 
He arched an eyebrow at me. "Gonna sit?"
 
A bit miffed and unable to show it or I'd have to explain why, I settled myself
between Riku and Rinoa. Why hadn't he wanted to sit next to her? Didn't he
think she was pretty? This was supposed to sort of be an unnamed double date,
wasn't it? Why was Riku being so confusing? He didn't know Squall was the one
I'd gone on the date with, so he couldn't be playing at being spiteful… why
would he have needed to, at any rate?
 
I was so tired of trying to figure out the way Riku thought.
 
None of us said anything at first. Squall and Rinoa exchanged a look. Riku
settled his arms on the table in front of him and let out a long sigh, looking
about the café. I put my hands in my lap and offered a weak smile Squall's way.
He didn't smile back. I didn't let it bother me. It'd probably take him a while
to open up to me again.
 
"So…" Riku cleared his throat a little. "I'm Riku, Sora's best friend."
 
"Hi, Riku, I'm Rinoa. This is Squall."
 
"Gotta have your girlfriend introduce you, huh?" Riku said by way of a joke.
His lips twitched to show a smile. Normally, if he'd been around just me or
some of his other friends, the smile wouldn't have even happened. Riku could be
very dry, though he did understand social mechanisms in that new people
wouldn't always grasp that immediately.
 
"She's not my girlfriend," Squall said, his voice as quiet as ever.
 
"I'm going to get coffee," I said before Riku could tease him about that. "What
do you want, Riku?" Rinoa and Squall already had theirs. I wish we'd gotten
here sooner. I wanted to know how Squall took his coffee. It was nice finding
out all the things he liked. Was it something I'd enjoy? Just another thing for
us to have in common? That would have been great.
 
"I'm good," Riku replied. He leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms.
 
I frowned, but ventured toward the counter. If he had come with me, I could
have claimed the spot by Squall on the way back…
 
Maybe two minutes later, I returned to find Rinoa and Riku engaged in
conversation. Squall's eyes were focused on a spot on the table. It was clear
he wasn't listening. If I had been sitting next to him, it would have been
easier to strike up our own conversation. Instead, I'd have to talk over the
other two, and that was just awkward and rude.
 
"I like the guys' clothes at Buckle," Rinoa was saying. "They're really good.
But the girls'? Not so much."
 
"I agree, they seem to cater more to men, or at least our store does."
 
"True Religion has great jeans, too, though, have you bought any from there?"
 
"Sometimes."
 
Well, at least Riku and Rinoa had found a common ground with fashion.
 
I sat down and glanced over at Squall. He didn't notice I was looking at him.
 
Rinoa did. She perked up at my reappearance and put her hands around her
coffee. It was a tall, and the way she tilted the container implied that it was
mostly empty. How long had they been here before we'd arrived? We'd gotten here
maybe two minutes early…
 
Come to think of it, that Spook guy was absent again. How was Squall keeping
him away?
 
"Sooo, Sora," Rinoa said, "how'd the art show go? Squall said you guys enjoyed
it, but he likes to placate me. I wanna know if it was really good or not!"
 
Oh.
 
My.
 
God.
 
Had she reallyjust asked me that?
 
Right in front of Riku?
 
Well—she hadn't known that Riku knew that I'd mentioned the art show thing,
just not whoI'd gone with, and if Riku was my "best friend," he'd know about my
sexuality, right, normally, maybe, so why wouldn't she have brought it up, and—
 
Oh, God!
 
I couldn't do anything but sit there, frozen, my mind completely numb. Had I
just… been outed… accidentally…? What was Riku going to do, what was—
 
"Well… it was—okay…" Squall said. His eyes were lingering on me, a question in
them at my behavior.
 
Rinoa beamed at him. "I know! I got to see some of the art before it was put on
display! Wasn't it amazing?"
 
"Uh—yeah… amazing…"
 
"I had a few friends that went," Riku said. He wasn't looking at me, but his
tone was completely casual, as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. I
stared at him in disbelief. Was he just going to freak out or something once
we'd left…? Normally he wasn't so considerate, but…
 
"Oh, did you?" Rinoa leaned forward in her seat.
 
"Yeah, they said it was neat."
 
He was either lying or I didn't know all of Riku's friends, because the ones I
didknow weren't into art. Probably lying to impress her, keep her happy, keep
his mind off the topic at hand, lure me into a false sense of security… Was it
bad that with Riku, I always assumed the worst? Maybe not. Maybe it was just a
survival mechanism.
 
"I wish I could have gone! I mean, I would have, but I didn't want to interrupt
their date," she said. "First dates are important! And I would have been
tempted to eavesdrop…" She laughed at her own joke, and Riku joined in. It
actually sounded genuine.
 
What was he thinking?!
 
Come on, Riku, throw me a line!
 
Surely he wasn't just okaywith this…?
 
They babbled on about the art show, and Squall's eyes grew kind of glazed as he
found that spot of table to look at again. I drank my coffee slowly, wishing I
were anywhere else but right there. My skin temperature was alternating between
cold and hot. One minute it felt like ice had been dumped down the back of my
T-shirt, the next I wanted to tell someone to turn the air on.
 
Where was my bubble? I wanted it back! I didn't want to dealwith any more drama
from Riku. God, why?
 
"Oh, look at the time!" Rinoa flipped her wrist up. Her watch was pink with
rhinestones surrounding its face. D&G was written on the leather wristband all
over it. "We should probably get going. There's going to be a line at the
movies."
 
I opened my mouth to respond—stopped. There was a whispering noise pressing
against my ears, and I squeezed my eyes shut, listening. It had come from out
of nowhere, and now that I heard it, I couldn't escape it. What wasit? People
were talking… like they were right there, right at my ears, and I—I couldn't
make out what they were saying… Wow, wasn't thatweird? Did the others notice?
Did…
 
Couldn't open my eyes…
 
A girl and a boy, that much I could make out. The world fluttered through my
lashes as I struggled to open them. They felt so heavy… like I was trying to
wake up from a dream, but I was so exhausted that my body wanted me to go right
back to sleep… What was going on…?
 
"…know…"A desperate whisper. The girl.
 
"…understand…!"Frustration.
 
More gibberish, one word bleeding into the next. I strained as hard as I could,
forgetting to open my eyes for the moment. If I could just concentrate… it was
important… the whispers were getting higher and higher, more rushed. The
conversation was blurring. They faded in places, like they were going away. No,
not yet!
 
"…you have to try harder…"
 
"Oh, look at the time! We should probably get going. There's going to be a line
at the movies."
 
My eyes were open. Riku was standing up from his seat. Squall was looking at
me, head tilted. Rinoa had her wrist upturned.
 
"You just said that," I said, confused. They were all… acting normal… Hadn't
they—hadn't they heard? And she'd just—
 
"Um?" Rinoa smiled, eyes a little tight at the corners from the strain of her
own confusion. "No, I didn't…"
 
"Yep, first time," Riku agreed. He might have been just saying that to back her
up because he thought she was cute, but somehow, based on all the strange stuff
that kept happening to me lately, I doubted it.
 
"Oh, sorry." I waved a hand. "Must have been déjà vu."
 
We left as a group. Squall fell into step by Rinoa. Riku was on her other side.
I trailed slightly behind. My mind was racing again, as it had often done in
the last week. What was with all the whispering? Was I going crazy? Déjà vu, my
butt… Except the other three hadn't heard her say it. If not déjà vu, something
else. I wasn't sure what.
 
Maybe I needed to mention it to someone. But would they look at me like I
wascrazy?
 
"Well, maybe sometime you and I can go to an art show," Rinoa said to Riku.
 
"Yeah, I'd like that, that'd be cool."
 
A slip of paper crinkled into my hand. I glanced up. The corners of Squall's
lips twitched into a smile.
 
Oh! The booklist!
 
"Thanks," I said.
 
"No problem."
 
"Maybe we should let Squall and Sora ride together to the movies," Rinoa said.
"Give them a chance to be alone." Her eyebrows wiggled mischievously, and I
felt my face flush, but I agreed. Sometime with Squall would be nice,
considering Riku had planted himself firmly between the two of us tonight.
Intentionally or not was still to be decided.
 
"Actually, I've got to talk to Sora about some stuff," Riku said. "We'll meet
you guys at the theater."
 
Some stuff.My heart gave a painful, worried thump. Oh, great…
 
Except—he didn't bring up Squall at all. The whole trip to the theater, he
babbled about school, basketball, how nice Rinoa seemed, that he was looking
forward to the movie… the usual nice conversation uppers. I wanted to know what
he was reallythinking, except I was afraid to ask, afraid to ruin the peace.
 
Was he… okay… with it…?
 
Really?
 
I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it wasn't. It was sending my
nerves all over the place. In the end, I was too much of a coward. I couldn't
bring myself to broach the subject anymore than I could have in the beginning.
I knew I needed to, but a part of me was content to let things go on like they
were normal as long as Riku was willing to.
 
Rinoa and Riku stood in line together ahead of Squall and me. Squall wasn't
saying anything, and my head was too scrambled for me to say much, either. I
watched the movies scroll across the digital board above the ticket booth.
Plenty of them were sold out. Ours wasn't yet, wonder of wonders. Opening
weekend, and we hadn't gotten our tickets in advance. Tickets sold out fast in
our theater because there weren't as many screenings.
 
No one wanted anything to drink or eat, so we made our way into room three.
Rinoa kept her ticket stub with the explanation that she had pages of them in
her scrapbook. That was kind of neat. It would be fun later to look back and
pour over all the movies you'd gone to see.
 
The showing was packed.
 
"Let's see…" Rinoa murmured. "Where are there four seats…"
 
There weren't any that many together.
 
"There's two there, and two there," Riku said, pointing.
 
"Let's go up here," I said. "I don't like sitting in the front." I took off,
expecting Squall to follow. It was right on the end, so I plopped down, looked
up.
 
Riku sat down next to me.
 
I stared at him in some disbelief. Really. Again? And after knowing that Squall
was the guy I'd gone out with to the art show? What was Riku's problem? It
hadto be intentional this time, if not the last. No one was that ignorant! Not
Riku, anyway. He'd been oblivious to my feelings for years, sure, but this was
blatant, in his face. 
 
"What?" he said.
 
I twisted around. Squall and Rinoa had already bustled into the two front seats
left. Neither of them was looking in our direction.
 
Frustrated, I threw myself back in my seat and tried not to grind my teeth.
 
"You don't want to sit next to Rinoa?" I gritted out.
 
"Nah, she talks too much." Riku rested an ankle over his knee, let his arms
fall into his lap. The movie had yet to start, it was just playing
questionnaires and pop music. The lights were on bright. "Besides, we're
supposed to be hanging out tonight, me and you, remember?"
 
I had thought it kinda obvious that it was sort of supposed to be a double
date. Riku thought Rinoa was pretty. And again, Riku knew about the date with
Squall… So then why? It just wasn't making any sense. What did I say? What
couldI say? Riku was sending me mixed signals all over the place! And what if
Riku really wasthat stupid and hadn't made the connection about Squall, since
no one had said it was 'date' outright? Doubtful, but possible. I couldn't risk
exposure…
 
I really just didn't get it!
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"So. Good movie."
 
I blinked and raised my head. The credits were rolling on the screen, and
people were getting up to leave. Had I zoned out throughout the whole thing?
I'd had a lot to think about and hadn't been able to concentrate much, true,
but… ah, geeze. What a waste.
 
"Let's go find Squall and—"
 
Riku grabbed my wrist. "Come on, Mom just texted me. We gotta go. She needs me
home early tonight."
 
What?
 
Distracted, I let myself get pulled out of the theater. Riku tugged me through
the aisles, down the stairs, around the corner, and out the door, all the while
navigating us through people. He didn't much care when we ran into a few of
them, and he didn't offer an apology, either. Typical Riku. What was the rush?
His mom wouldn't kill him if he told her he was on the way home now. She knew
how far away the theater was.
 
We bypassed the bathrooms and followed the exit signs positioned around the
hallways. Riku pushed open the door, and cold air slapped against my face. The
moon was swollen in the sky, its brightness drowning out the sight of the
immediate stars in its vicinity. Clouds were wispy laziness around it.
 
I looked over my shoulder. So much for saying good-bye to Squall and Rinoa for
the night… We'd have to make plans later. I'd just text them.
 
"So," Riku said as we neared his car. "How about the part where Odessius ran
his car through the mall entrance? It was pretty wicked."
 
This had been one of the strangest nights of my life, and I still wasn't
entirely sure what had happened.
 
"Yeah," I said. "Wicked."
***** Careful Veil of Mystery *****
I had yet to text Squall.
 
I sat staring at my cell phone screen, biting my nails and generally avoiding
punching in any buttons for a good half hour. Any bravery I had ever felt in my
entire life seemed to have been sucked out of me. It was Sunday, four o' clock
in the afternoon, and I hadn't heard a peep from a guy I was really hoping to
date and thinking that now he didn't want to date me.
 
Could I have blamed him? Really? After the fiasco that was that 'double date'…
The worst part was, I couldn't even explain Riku's behavior. I had no ideawhat
was going on anymore with him, and with Riku refusing to talk about it to me
and me refusing to bring it up for fear of Possible Friendship Ending, well…
what could I do?
 
What could I say?
 
Oh, God. Okay. I had to get this over with. It was either over, or it wasn't.
If I had been the one in Squall's position, maybeit wouldn't be over… I'd have
simply asked what was going on with Squall's hypothetical friend, wonder if
there was anything going on between them—
 
Wasthere anything going on between Riku and me? Two kisses, he was acting very
oddly the night before—no. No, I wasn't doing this right now. I was clueless on
my own, and Riku had set up an impenetrable wall on that route.
 
—wonder if there was anything going on between them, and if Squall said no,
then I'd take it at face value and wait to see what happened. If it turned out
Squall was lying about the hypothetical friend, then I dumped him. If it turned
out he was telling the truth, then the dating continued. And since Iwas
thinking of it that way, then that meant it was possible Squall was also
thinking in that way, and so…
 
I let out a breath and typed up a message, hitting send before I could change
my mind.
 
Hey, sorry we bailed last night, Riku's mom told him he had to come home quick.
 
That sounded lame, lame, lame. I could have just gotten a ride with Squall or
Rinoa, right? But if he asked, I'd say… what? I'd say… that… I hadn't wanted to
inconvenience him. There. That sounded—okay, still lame, but whatever! I'd work
with what I had.
 
Five minutes later, in which I futilely played solitaire on my computer in the
hopes of not staring at my phone screen again the entire time, waiting for it
to light up with a mail icon, Squall replied back.
 
It's ok.
 
That was… it? Nothing else? Just that it was okay? What did I even say back to
that?
 
I know he was acting weird. I don't know what was up with him.I bit my lip
after I sent that and tried to go back to my game of cards. My heart thumped
painfully the whole time. Maybe I shouldn't have offered the explanation of
Riku on my own. That just made me look guilty, like there was something to
hide, when there wasn't anything to hide. Or, at least, I didn't think so.
Well, I certainly wouldn't have told him about all the strange things Riku had
done of late, but who would have? Wow, okay, I was really over-thinking this.
 
Calm down, Sora. Calm down. He said it was okay.
 
I exited out of solitaire. I was losing, anyway.
 
My phone dinged. I picked it up.
 
Not a big deal. Want to hang out this Friday?
 
I swallowed back my surprise as my heart gave a great leap in my chest. He was
asking me out again? Really? He didn't find the whole Riku thing strange and
uncomfortable? Or, if he did, he was still willing to spend more time with me
in spite of it?
 
Yes! Score!
 
Sure. What are we doing?I wrote back.
 
I didn't have to wait long at all this time. Not sure. I have to go to comic
book store. Want to come?
 
Sure, what time?
 
When do you get home from school?
 
The question was an embarrassing one, a reminder to me that Squall had
graduated the summer just past. Well, whatever. I knew he didn't mean it like
that. Still… at least we weren't thatfar apart in age. Only two years. That
wasn't bad.
 
I'd be ready by four thirty.
 
Do you need me to pick you up?
 
Yeah, Mom won't be home yet.
 
Ok.
 
That was it. Ok. I waited, but he never added anything else onto that, and I
couldn't think of anything to say, either, that wouldn't be desperately
striving to hold on to the conversation—and I didn't wantto seem desperate—so…
I let it go.
 
This was good, great. We were going out again. I'd worried about nothing.
 
See, Riku?I thought. Whatever you were trying to do, it didn't work. Squall's
still interested in me.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
While I wouldn't be seeing Squall until Friday, that didn't mean I could escape
the fact that I went to school with Riku on a daily basis. We didn't share any
classes, no, and he could avoid me when he wanted to, as he'd proven recently,
but—Monday morning, he ambushed me.
 
I shut my locker door, and there he was, leaning against my neighbor's, smiling
at me. What the hell was he trying to be suave about? I wasn't some chick he
was courting. Even then, that wasn't his usual strategy. Riku excelled at hard
to get. I think I mentioned before that he never chased. He let everyone else
do the chasing for him.
 
"Hey, Sora."
 
"Hi," I said warily. "What's up?"
 
Riku's eyes glanced down to my book. "Chem, huh?"
 
"Yeah." Since I didn't want to be late, I started toward class. He pushed away
from the locker and fell into step beside me, hands in his back pockets. His
hair was up, and that in itself was odd. No girls to swoon over him today? I
thought about mentioning it and decided to let it go. It wasn't any of my
concern. It was odd, but he'd done it before, a time or two, after a
particularly bad break-up.
 
"So, did you want to hang out sometime this weekend? Friday, maybe?"
 
I bit my lip. "I have plans with Squall on Friday…" I wasn't sure what to
expect from this comment. Riku was still a big question mark where it concerned
my relationship with Squall. Was he going to get angry? Was he going to feel
weird at news that I had another date with a guy, even though he hadn't acted
like it bothered him Saturday night?
 
A frown appeared on Riku's mouth, and my shoulders tensed. A second later,
however, he brightened, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his bangs out of
his eyes. "That's okay. We can just hang out this afternoon, then. Do some
homework? Play some video games?"
 
I hesitated.
 
"What?" he questioned, his eyes searching mine.
 
"It's just…" How to word it? 'Your being nice like this is really freaking me
out?' If he wasn't already my best friend, I'd think it was a prank or
something. "You're usually hanging out with Tidus or someone in the
afternoons…" Safe enough to say without him getting angry at me.
 
"Well, I want to hang out with you." His smile was brilliant and hurt to see.
He hadn't acted like this in… I didn't know. Maybe since we entered high
school? His sophomore year, my freshman? Was it any wonder I was suspicious of
his behavior?
 
"Why?"
 
The smile turned into a frown, and his shoulders gave a little slump. He was
obviously disappointed with this answer, but to be fair, I thought I had every
right to be wary. "Why not? You're my best friend… Why wouldn'tI want to hang
out with you?"
 
"Because—" I nearly bit my tongue in two stopping the rest of that sentence
from coming out of my mouth. I was sonot ready to bring up the Sexual
Preference Revelation. It'd just make things awkward, well, more awkward, not
that Riku was actingawkward… Hrggh, my brain hurt. How did he act like
everything was normal? Normal than usual?
 
"Well?" Riku nudged my arm with his elbow, and his smile was back, a little
hesitant at the corners. His eyes looked almost… vulnerable, like he was
honestly afraid I'd shoot him down. None of that usual arrogance was there.
Okay, it sold me. Hook, line, and sinker. I couldn't tell Riku no for anything,
not if he was obviously trying… I was still suspicious, but… well…
 
"Yeah, sure. I'll let Mom know," I said.
 
That smile spread into a pleased grin, and he put an arm around my shoulders
with a brief squeeze. "I'm glad you're hanging out with me again, Sora. I told
you I missed you." His fingers slid through my hair in a ruffle, and then he
was gone, hurrying off down the hallway. Well, as much as Riku hurried. More of
a purposeful walk.
 
A friend of his that I recognized but didn't know the name of called out his
name and turned the corner with him. I was left staring, wondering what was
going on yet again. I had wanted Riku to act like this for so long now, just
like old times… and now he was… the complete oppositefrom how he shouldhave
been.
 
Guilt whispered in my ear. Just because I expectedRiku to behave a certain way
didn't really mean he was going to act that way. Just because I'd thought Riku
would flip a shit at my sexual orientation didn't necessarily mean he would
have… it was possible that he could have been okay with it… he seemedokay with
it, too…
 
Could Riku possibly… really… beokay with it…?
 
Could he have seen that he was being a real jerk lately and wanted to rectify
that?
 
Would pigs fly? Hell freeze over? The sky rain down cats and dogs instead of
water?
 
I shouldn't have doubted, I shouldn'thave. But I knewhow Riku normally worked.
What it all came down to was either tread very, verycarefully, or trust in my
best friend.
 
I decided to do both.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Thursday at lunch, Kairi sat herself across from me at lunch. It was startling
enough that I set down my apple and book and raised questioning eyebrows at
her. The thing was, Kairi had been pretty good at always sitting at lunch with
me until two weeks ago, when I'd upset her. Ever since then, I'd been the
loner.
 
"So,Sora, you never told me about the date, and it's been almost a weeksince it
happened." She put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her folded
hands. I noted the lack of her usual lunch box. Kairi preferred to bring her
own food on most days. It was usually an assortment of healthy stuff.
 
"You've been busy," I replied. She had been. I was able to exchange greetings
with her in our classes, and she zoomed off afterward each time. It made me
wonder about last Friday and if she'd been sincere or not. To make up, and then
to go right back to mostly not talking…
 
"I still kinda am, I only have a few minutes to talk." Hm. "Mr. Oran promised
he'd help me during lunch with my trig homework."
 
"I could have helped you with that…"
 
"Yeah, but, you know how it is." Did I? I didn't think I did… "I was thinking
we could get together after school?" She pushed her hair over her shoulder and
smiled at me with her cute little head tilt she did.
 
"Ah…" Great, it was time to disappoint her again. But how was it my fault that
whenever shehad time for me, I happened to be busy, too? I couldn't always wait
around for her convenience. "I can't. Hanging out with Riku." She was
reallygoing to love that one.
 
"You've been hanging out with him all week…" Her finger slowly curled around a
strand of her hair, and her smile faded at the edges.
 
"Yeah." I was. So what? He was my friend. He'd been nice. He still teased me
and stuff, but he was… well. My friend. I didn't know how else to say it. He
was just putting me before his other friends for once.
 
"Well—why?" She put both hands on the table and dropped all pretenses of
politeness, her smile vanishing into a pursed mouth. Kairi didn't get angry
often, or even sullen, but when she did, it just wasn't pretty. You could tell
that she was used to getting her way.
 
"Why not?" I was growing a little bit offended by her tone.
 
"It just doesn't seem like Riku." She shrugged, her words clipped.
 
"Why not? He's my best friend," I countered, maybe a bit defensively. What was
with her attitude? Okay, I got it, she wasn't friends with Riku, she hated his
guts, she hated how he treated me… except now that he was treating me nice, she
was angry? It didn't make any sense.
 
"I'myour best friend." Her frown deepened, her brows knitting over her nose.
 
"Both of you are," I said, exasperated now. And why couldn'tboth of them be?
Why were the two of them always putting me on a seesaw? Always having to pick
sides? I loved them both equally, Kairi just more… platonically.
 
"I don't get it, Sora. One minute, you're at ends with him. The next, you're
'BFFs' again," she said, putting quotes around the acronym. A second later, she
was on her feet, her hands on her hips. "It just doesn't make any sense! You
let him walk all over you!"
 
"Howam I letting him walk all over me?" I retorted heatedly, piqued. I hadn't
wanted to argue with her, but here she was, making ridiculous accusations.
"He's been pretty decent to me all week, andI put him off last Friday in favor
of going on that date, or did you forget that already?" Seemed to me like I
could turn him down if I wanted to. Last Friday was proof enough of that.
 
The thing was, our friendship had been going great lately, and sitting there,
listening to Kairi's criticism of him… well, it was hard. Harder than usual.
Maybe it made me a terrible person to say so, but yeah, when I was pissed off
at Riku, it waseasy to let her bash him. But right now, we were okay. I didn't
want to listen to this crap. He hadn't done anything to deserve it. He was
trying.
 
"I didn't forget. I just think it's oddthat he goes from being an A-Class
jerkto treating you like you're a king. You don't think there's an ulterior
movie there?"
 
Maybe. I wasn't going to let herknow that. It would defeat the whole purpose of
this, and she'd win, and she didn't needto win, because I was fairly certain
the ulterior motive wasn't anything terrible. Riku had ulterior motives for
everything. It didn't mean that it was going to end our friendship as it stood.
"Like what?"
 
"I don't know, but it's something!" So she didn't know anymore than I did. "You
knowhow he is."
 
I shouldn't have said it. I knew it would make her mad. But I did. I said the
horrid four words, and I sealed my fate.
 
"Maybe you're just jealous."
 
You never, evertell a girl that she's acting like she's jealous, even if she
is. Ever. Not if you want to live to see the next day or stay somewhat friends
with her. And you don't just bounce back from it, either, because they'll
always remember that one time you said it.
 
Her entire face turned a bright, cherry red. "Jealous?" she said.
 
I was glad that I sat alone at lunch, or else we'd have an audience for how
high-pitched that one word was. The question was, would I fear for my life or
would she refuse to cause a scene right at this moment and hold that grudge?
 
"You know what, Sora, fine." Her chair scraped as she stepped away from it. "Go
live on in your happylittle deludedcloud, and when it bursts, don't come crying
to me because Riku hurt your feelings again!"
 
Okay… she had a point… I did tend to do that… and if I was her, I'd be tired of
dealing with it, too…
 
Man, I was scum.
 
She stomped off, flinging her hair over her shoulder, and each step she took
away from me, the worse I felt.
 
Ah, man. I didn't wantto feel guilty, but I did.
 
Crap.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Later that afternoon, true to what I had told Kairi, I found myself at Riku's
house again, getting ready to start some homework. We were in the dining room,
putting our books and notebooks on the table and still rummaging around in our
book bags for the rest. Riku asked for a pen or a pencil, and I handed him the
former. I needed my pencil for my math.
 
I was still feeling kind of glum. I hated fighting with Kairi about Riku. It
wasn't the first time we'd done it, no, but it had been a while since the last
real blow-up. Not that this had been a blow-up. I just knew how she worked, and
the repercussions from that one little argument would go on for days. I'd have
to be the one to apologize this time.
 
What I hated more than fighting with Kairi was the fact that my two best
friends couldn't get along with each other. My life would have been so much
easier if they did. Riku could have let go of the fact that Kairi turned him
down two years ago, and Kairi could get past Riku's…well… okay, the guy's
personality wasn't always the best, but—he could be nice when he wanted to be.
He'd proved that all week.
 
My shoulders drooped, and I sighed. I really didn't even know what was going on
with Olette yet, either, or… really anythingin Kairi's life of late. Why was
she so busy that she couldn't talk to me? We were talking fine until a couple
of weeks ago… It was just weird. She used to tell me everything. Was Riku being
in my life offputting her that badly? If so, I didn't know what I was supposed
to do about it. I wasn't going to get rid of Riku.
 
"What's up?"
 
I blinked. "Huh?"
 
A moment later, Riku thumped me on the forehead from across the table. "You
look glum." As I rubbed my forehead and grimaced, he took his seat, pulling a
nearby book to him and some paper.
 
I eyed him, considering. I knewI shouldn't say it… Riku hated Kairi… but it was
eating at my mind…
 
Riku arched a brow.
 
I looked away. "Just worried about Kairi," I mumbled.
 
He breathed a chuckle at that. "What, she jealous you're spending so much time
with me?" He picked up the pen I'd loaned him and jotted down a note from the
chapter he was open to.
 
I bit my lip. How'd he know?
 
He went on before I could say anything. "Don't worry about what she thinks,
Sora. She'll tell you anything to make you feel guilty about it. We're friends,
this is just how it works." He underlined a word and wrote under it.
 
"I probably shouldspend some time with her, though…" I said, half expecting an
argument at this.
 
Instead, Riku lifted his non-writing hand and waved his fingers in an almost
idle manner. "I guess."
 
I studied him for a long time. That was it? He guessed? How noncommittal of
him… And he was doing it a lot lately, about everything important or semi-
important. Because, as much as I hated how I had treated her, on the grand
scale of things in my life at the moment, my other issues with Riku were way
more important, and he was just as fight-avoiding on that as he was with this.
 
Hmmm.
 
But at least with Kairi, I could at least try something on her behalf. "Riku,
why can't the two of you just—"
 
I trailed off as Riku, in one fluid motion, set his pen down, grasped the ends
of his shirt, and pulled it off and over his head. He put it on the chair next
to him, grasped one shoulder as he rolled it into his palm, shook his bangs out
of his eyes, and picked up his pen again, bent over his homework.
 
O… kay…
 
"Why'd you…"
 
All that smooth, pale skin. I couldn't wrench my eyes away. It wasn't that I
hadn't seen Riku with his shirt off in a while—summer had just gotten over
with, after all—but usually I knew it was coming and could bracemyself for it.
This was completely out of the blue, and I hadn't had time to make any mental
preparations whatsoever.
 
Stop, Sora, stop staring, he's going to notice.
 
Easier said than done!
 
"What?" he said without looking up. "Can't a guy take his shirt off? It's hot."
 
"It's—" I made a weird noise in my throat. I couldn't exactly tell him to turn
on the air, as there wasn't any air conditioning. And it wasa warmer day out
despite the recent string of nice ones. It was in the low eighties, and the sun
had been bright all day. No clouds. No air conditioning in the school, either.
Plenty of time for heat to build up.
 
I lifted my eyes to Riku's when I felt his boring into my forehead. A slow,
almost… slysmirk came to his mouth then, and I didn't know what it meant at
all.
 
My heart skipped a beat. Why was Riku looking at me like that? Almost like he…
but he didn't. If he did, he wouldn't have taken his shirt off, period.
 
The smirk was gone, as if it had never been there, and Riku thumped his pencil
on his papers. He pulled another book over to him. "All right," he said,
getting more comfortable in his seat. My eyes raked over the cut of his
pectorals, the pale pink of his nipples, the dips of his abdomen.
 
God, why?
 
"Ready for your math quiz?"
 
No.
 
Maybe if you put your shirt back on."Yeah…" I was sogoing to be distracted.
 
Doomed, doomed, doomed.
 
Why was Riku so pretty?
 
"Find the height of a pyramid that's base is…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
The comic book store was located in the valley, in a plaza with a Chinese
restaurant, a bar, a party decoration store, and a room that I thoughtKarate
was practiced in, but I wasn't entirely sure. Across the street from it was an
ice cream restaurant that would close up soon for the winter. It got too cold
to stay open, not if they wanted to make any money. Nothing else really
interesting was in the vicinity except for an apartment complex behind the
plaza and some trees gathered on the outskirts of the lot.
 
"I can't believe I never saw you here," I said to Squall as the two of us made
our way into the comic store. The clerk greeted us with an enthusiastic wave,
which I returned. Squall didn't so much as acknowledge his presence. Man… he
really seemed a bit anti-social, didn't he? Well, at least I hadn't snubbed the
guy, so he couldn't be completely off-put by Squall's behavior.
 
"I haven't lived here long," Squall replied. "I just moved here this semester,
actually."
 
"And you found the comic store already?" I teased, considering the semester was
barely a month old and it took a pro to navigate the maze of one-way streets in
the valley to even get to the store in the first place.
 
He glanced sideways at me, and the faint smile that he gave me made my pulse
skip. I smiled back and averted my eyes, feeling unaccountably shy suddenly.
Wow. Next thing anyone knew, I'd be giggling and eyeing him from beneath my
lashes. I was acting like a freaking girl! Rrgh! Shake it off, Sora, shake it
off.
 
"You used the publishing company my mom works for." Or rather, in the way of
the world and publishing, it was more likely that the publishing company had
chosen him and not the other way around. "You're from the big city, then?" Mom
commuted forty-five minutes every day to get to work.
 
He gave an evasive shrug, and I knew he didn't want me to bring up his story
again. Why was he so weirdabout it? Didn't like the spotlight? He didn't seem
like a guy who would. Still, it was kind of driving me a little nuts. I wanted
to know… Guess I'd have to get a hold of the story, see for myself, and then
question him from there. If he ever let me in enough. Who knew how things would
work out between us at this point.
 
I hope it goes well enough that he willlet me in.
 
"So what comic are we looking for?" I prompted cheerfully. It felt good to be
around Squall again, that he still wanted to see me. It'd been a day shy of a
week since we'd last gone out, and just to have him in my eyesight again was
making my heart squeeze tight. I was nervous, too, of course. Squall was so
unreadable, unlike Riku, and I wasn't sure how to act around him.
 
To say to be myself was easy—but… no, that would just lead into circular
thoughts again.
 
To say to be myself is easy, but what if he doesn't like myself, in which case,
why would I want to date him if the person he liked wasn't me—
 
"It's something called Frog Prince."
 
"Frog Prince?" Was that what it sounded like? "Like The Princess and the Frog?"
 
"Er—sort of." Squall shook his head and approached the far wall of the store
dedicated to new comics. I eyed the boxes of older ones and pondered going
through them in a moment, but I really wanted to know what this Frog
Princebusiness was about first.
 
"What do you mean, sort of? What's it about?"
 
"Some kid's dreams," he replied.
 
"Does it have anything to do with a frog prince?" 
 
"Not really."
 
"Then why…?"
 
He sighed, placing a hand on his hip. Irritation was in the corners of his
mouth, where he was frowning. He turned his face away from me, and then I
couldn't read his expression anymore. I had a feeling it hadn't gotten any
better. Did he not like answering questions? Even simple ones?
 
"A comic title doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with a story,"
he said after a moment.
 
"Well, I… I know that…" I read comics, too, after all. "But—I mean—does it have
anythingto do with the title?" The title was renowned enough that it seemed odd
that there wouldn't be a connection. "Like is there anything related to a
frog—"
 
He lifted his hand to his brow, rubbing against it. Agitation was in the way he
held his shoulders. Clearly, he wanted me to drop it. I just didn't see why.
This was kind of silly.
 
"Read it," he said, his voice curt.
 
"…Um, but you could just tell me." I was hesitant to press forward like this,
but—I didn't see why he couldn'tjust tell me. Honestly, was it that big of a
deal?
 
"But if you read it, you wouldn't have to ask."
 
Well, geeze.
 
Frowning, I edged away from him, over to a new-ish comic of Spider Man. I
already had it, but it'd give my hands something to do, my attention a place to
focus on. I was upset by his behavior, and I was trying not to be, because that
seemed silly, too. It was just a comic… he could have just answered…
 
A good five minutes of silence passed between us. Squall flipped through a few
of the other comics on display, and I ventured back to the boxes. Everything
was categorized alphabetically, and then by series, so it was easy enough to
find what you wanted. The store was small, but its owners were very dedicated
to keeping it updated and organized.
 
I tried to find a positive in the situation to better my mood. Riku had stopped
coming to get comics with me a few years ago. This was pleasant, being able to
go with someone for once instead of making my mom let me borrow the car, or,
before I got my license, going with my mom instead of a friend. Squall was into
the same things I was. It was a good thing. I could handle a little bit of a
cold shoulder.
 
Just find something else to talk about. Stop being weird about it!
 
"Do you have drum line practice tomorrow?" he asked, and I turned to find him
right behind me.
 
I blinked in some confusion. "Drum line practice…?"
 
His head tilted. None of the annoyance from earlier was there anymore. "You
told me last Friday you took drum line."
 
Did I? I…
 
"But I don't take it," I replied. Why would I have said I did? I'd never taken
drum line before in my entire life.
 
"Okay," he said, and it wasn't a disbelieving sort of okay, just an honest
agreement. I peered at him carefully for a moment, wondering at the oddity of
that conversation, then shrugged my shoulders and stepped away from the boxes.
I hadn't found anything I was willing to part with money for today.
 
"Did you find everything?" I asked. He had three comic books in his hands.
 
"Yeah." He lifted them. "Did you?"
 
I shook my head. "Nah. Ready to go?"
 
He nodded.
 
"What do you want to do next?" I asked as we walked to the cash out.
 
"Did you want to borrow the series?"
 
Oh, he meant Frog Prince. I nodded, too, and smiled when Squall told Mr. Smith
that he did want to pay the extra thirty cents for cardboard in his plastic
slips.
 
We hit the outside, and even though it was cloudy, the sun still shined through
enough that I had to cup my hand over my eyes. The parking lot was mostly
empty, with grass coming up in between the cracks in the asphalt in places.
Squall's BMW was a black gleam of glory in the third spot in front of the
store. The first was occupied by Mr. Smith's, and no one's was in the second.
Squall just didn't want to chance paint getting dinged on his doors if he
parked close enough to anyone else or vice versa. Understandable.
 
"We can go to my house, then," he said.
 
Excitement tingled. His house? Awesome.
 
"Okay, cool," I replied, trying not to sound tooenthusiastic. I didn't want to
creep him out or anything.
 
Somehow, I think he sensed it anyway, as his head gave a tiny shake of
amusement.
 
"What?" I said.
 
"Nothing."
 
"What?" This time it was more of a whine.
 
"Nothing," he said again. Then, after a moment, quietly, "You're just cute."
 
As we buckled up in his car scant moments later, I thought about that. You're
just cute.I couldn't keep the grin off my face. I didn't want to. Things were
going so well, and I just kept floating higher and higher. Life, for once, was
looking up.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
We parked in his garage, and the white doors were rumbling mechanically as they
shut behind us. It was quiet in here, and there wasn't much around, just a
stray box in the far corner. Then again, he'd only moved in recently. And into
a house, at that… I remembered the limo, and the still absent bodyguard, and I
realized then that I still didn’t know too much about him, aside from his
interests. That bothered me, but it was only our second… third?... date.
 
A dog was barking as we came inside. I recognized the brown and white collie
from the first time I had seen Rinoa. At the sight of Squall, he—she? I had no
idea of knowing the dog's gender—padded up to Squall, tongue lolling out. It
whined in its throat. I was surprised it didn't continue to bark, just because
I was there. Was it that friendly?
 
"Hey, boy," he said, bending to scratch behind the dog's ears. That answered
the mystery, then.
 
"What's his name?" I said, kneeling beside Squall. The dog turned big brown
eyes on me, and I think my heart melted a little bit. He was so cute! I loved
dogs. I'd begged my mom for years to give me one, and she'd never caved in,
claiming that it'd be too much responsibility for me, and no one was ever home
enough to take care of one. Whatever.
 
"Angelo," he replied. "He's Rinoa's."
 
"She lives here with you?"
 
"Yeah." He stood, so I rose, too. Angelo's cold nose bumped into my palm, and I
smiled at him, giving him one last scritch.
 
Squall didn't offer anything else by explanation, and I knew enough by now not
to probe further. I would later, when we got to know each other better, but we
were just dating now, and things were kind of rocky. Uncertain waters, and all
that. Truthfully, I just didn't want to deal with another incident like the one
in the comic store.
 
His kitchen was nice, homey. There was a round table in the center of it, and
the left side was taken up by the counters for the sink, dishwasher, and stove.
The cabinets had glass fronts and were covered in a white paint that was
peeling, and the floor thumped a little beneath our feet as we moved across it.
The house was an old one. Well kept, but old.
 
"How'd you find this place?" I asked, figuring I could at least ask something
like that, maybe. It wasn't personal.
 
His shoulders stiffened. Great. So it was. The guy was like trying to walk
through a field of mine bombs without stepping on any of them.
 
"Never mind," I said quickly before he could answer.
 
A part of me, albeit a small one, expected him to say, "No, it's okay," and
answer anyway. He didn't. We just moved through the hallway and up a set of
stairs. A brief glance showed the front door to the right, and toward the back,
more doors and perhaps something that would lead into the living room?
 
The stairs were closed in on either side, and the air grew a little warmer as
we progressed. There was a slightly musty smell up here that accompanied most
older houses. It wasn't unpleasant.
 
"This is Rinoa's room," he said as we passed it. I could hear music leaking out
through the cracks, but I couldn't place what kind. It wasn't quite loud enough
for that.
 
"How many rooms are in this place?"
 
"Five."
 
"That's a lot for just the two of you—"
 
"This is mine." Squall opened a door at the far end of the hallway, and,
sighing quietly, I followed him in. What the hell was withthis guy and
questions? It was starting to become annoying for myself and not just him. I
deserved to know at least a few things, right? It was our second date!
 
Any annoyance left when I stepped into his room. I just couldn't be mad at him
when our similar interests were staring right at me. They covered the walls in
posters of his favorite bands. They were nestled into a low bookshelf and a DVD
shelf set up by his stereo system. There was hardly an inch of white on any of
the walls, and there was no space left on his shelves. Books, games, and DVDs
were already being stacked in piles around them.
 
His computer desk was set up near the door, and his bomber jacket from last
Friday was tossed over the back of his chair. It was leather, new. The desk
itself looked a little worn, but well-loved. Textbooks were next to his
monitor, pens and pencils, sticky notes and CDs littered the rest of the space.
He had a pull out keyboard for typing, so I supposed none of it got in his way.
 
My eyes flicked over to his bed. It was unmade, covered in black sheets, black
comforter. Part of me wasn't surprised at the coloring, given that today he'd
chosen to wear a leather wristband with little chains on it and a black T-shirt
with some band I actually hadn't recognized emblazoned on its front. He still
had on a nice pair of thigh-hugging jeans, though. I loved this guy in jeans.
 
"Sorry about the mess," he muttered.
 
I looked down. The floor was clean of clothes, the carpet immaculate.
 
"Not a mess," I countered. "You should see my room." My mom had just gotten
onto me that morning about it.
 
"That bad, huh?" He sent one of those faint smiles my way.
 
"Hurricane Sora," I affirmed.
 
I sat on the edge of his bed as he went over to his bookshelf and set his new
paper bag of comics down to sort through some older ones, I assumed the ones I
was going to read. His bed was springy, but soft.
 
A few moments, and he turned around with them in his hand. He stopped when he
saw where I was roosted, and I paused, as well, awkward. Maybe I should have
chosen the desk chair? Something passed through his eyes, made them darken. My
pulse sped all on its own. Something had just happened, changed, charged the
air, but what?
 
He didn't say anything as he crossed the room. I almost offered to move, even
opened my mouth to do so, but his eyes settled heavily on me, and my voice left
me. His prowl was slower than usual. He took his time coming over to me. I
stared at him all the while, heart pounding in my throat.
 
His hands cupped my face when he reached me. I closed my eyes, and his mouth
touched to mine, burning. The first kiss was gentle, just like the last time,
and then, just like the last time, it wasn't anymore. Between one second and
the next, his mouth was almost feeding off mine, hungry and intent, barely
allowing me time to give consent to his kisses. Part of me was frightened, but
only from inexperience, the other excited, eager to learn.
 
I loved the feel of his mouth. Soft and burning. It didn't take me long at all
to get the hang of the rhythm of his tongue; not much longer after that, and my
lips felt bruised, sensitive. Or maybe it had been a while, and I'd just lost
track of time.
 
He wanted me. Maybe he didn't like answering questions, maybe he liked being
secretive, but he wanted me. That made dealing with the rest so much easier.
 
My face felt flushed, and I heard myself moan. He answered it with a noise of
his own, a rumble in his throat. All the breath left my lungs when his mouth
left mine, when his teeth went to my jaw, when his hand settled over my groin.
Was he—?
 
"SQUALL! Your dad's on his way to pick you up—oh! Oh! I didn't see anything, I
didn't see anything!"
 
Squall broke away from me like he'd been burned, and I cringed in
embarrassment, looking first at Rinoa's retreating back, and then away. Maybe
we should have locked the door after us. Then again, I hadn't exactly known
Squall was going to start up a steamy make-out session. Not that I'd had any
problems with it… no, quite the opposite…
 
"What?" Squall demanded, and I realized then that any irritation I had made him
feel was minor compared to what was going through his head now. That, too, made
me feel better. "Why?"
 
"I don’t know! Um… Um…" I could see that Rinoa had a hand over her eyes. "Cloud
says he's on his way!"
 
Cloud? Who was that?
 
Squall actually growled, giving credit to my initial comparison of him being
like a lion. "I told him I was busy tonight."
 
"You also did kind of ignore his phone calls…" Rinoa dropped her hand and
turned back to Squall now that it was obvious that we weren't doing anything
anymore. "And you keep putting him off…"
 
"I saw him two weeks ago!" Squall stalked over to his closet, wrenched it open,
starting snatches clothes off hangars. I felt so out of place, mostly because I
had no idea what was going on. It didn't matter, because I didn't have a chance
to ask—the next second, Squall was vanishing from the room.
 
All of Rinoa seemed to relax when Squall was gone, though we both flinched when
we heard a distant door slam, one I assumed that belonged to the bathroom. I
had seen it on the way in here.
 
Remembering that I was in here with her, Rinoa brightened and paced over to me,
sitting next to me on the bed. I cleared my throat a little and crossed my
legs. My arousal had mostly left, no thanks to the state of sudden confusion
I'd been subjected to, but I still didn't want to chance any awkwardness. Well,
moreawkwardness. This was pretty damn awkward already.
 
"Squall's dad is an ambassador," she said. "They don't get along much."
 
It was all that she really got to explain to me before Squall stormed into the
room again a second later, an angry, black cloud. His casual clothes were gone,
replaced with a pin-striped button-down shirt and some slacks. He went back to
his closet, pulled down a duffel bag, and started stuffing various things from
around the room into it. I took it that he was going to be gone for the
weekend.
 
I bit my lip and got to my feet. The heat from before was definitely gone now.
"…I'll text you later?"
 
"Yeah," he said, the one word stiff, angry.
 
I grabbed the comics he was loaning me and scuttled out without further ado,
figuring I could show myself to do the door.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
I had a lot to chew over on the way home.
 
So—Squall's dad was an… ambassador? It wouldexplain the bodyguard… and some of
the wealth… Interesting. I had plenty more questions, but once again, none of
them were going to get answered without further information. The problem about
this was that I wasn't sure if I was going to get it, considering Squall's
general distaste for dolling said information out.
 
I really wasn't sure how I liked that, not to mention how Squall got all
clammed up and cold like he was never open to me. He went from one extreme to
the next, and I always had to slowly coax him into warming up again. Was it
going to be like that every time?
 
On the other hand, Squall was introverted. He wasn't doing it on purpose… and
if he wasgoing to be like that every time, there was nothing I could do to
change it, and I doubted that Squall meant to be discouraging.
 
Still… what a weird situation…
 
Squall obviously didn't get along with his dad, and based on what I'd seen with
how he acted toward his bodyguard, he didn't like the extra protection, either.
 
Was he ever going to tell me? Maybe, after some time? I sure hoped so, because
if he didn't, I wasn't really sure I wanted to stick around. What was the point
of being with someone if they never wanted to share any of themselves with you,
just a little? But I was moving too fast. It had only been a week, and only the
second time either of us had spent any length of time around one another at
all, andit had been cut short.
 
It'll be okay, Sora,I told myself.
 
But, somehow, it just didn't feel like it.
***** The Barrier *****
It was dark, and there were several explosions going on outside of the palace
walls. Spells, magic, real magic. But here, in the throne room, it was quiet,
deathly so. It pressed against my ears, just as the cold stone from the floor
dug into my knees. The witch's fingers were firmly around my throat, holding me
in place with much more than strength, some sort of spell. I stared up at her,
hands around her wrist, struggling to breathe.
Her face was increased in folds of wrinkles, and her white hair was straggly,
thin. But her eyes—her eyes were the deepest, purest shade of violet I had ever
seen, they were such a pretty blue. I knew it wasn't from the curse that had
taken her. I had seen her young once. I knew that beneath the veil of age, she
was beautiful.
And I regretted what had happened to make her this way.
"You're going to suffer," she whispered, as another boom took the air, and the
walls shook. Small stones of debris rained down. Several people screamed,
distant shouts compared to the tomb-like silence it had become in here.
I tried to say something—my throat worked, and no sound would come out.
Her fingers squeezed tighter. The pressure in my ears doubled.
She leaned in to me, and I could feel her dry lips against the shell of my ear.
Beyond her shoulder, sprawled on the ground, his silver locks in complete
disarray, was Riku. His eyes were closed, and he hadn't moved since he'd
fallen. It was my fault. My—
"You're never going to be happy… ever again…"
===============================================================================
I woke with a start. It was dark, and mostly quiet except for a faint rumble of
thunder, and for a moment, I wasn't sure I was really awake at all. Then my
eyes adjusted, and I realized I was back in Riku's bedroom. I was awake. I had
just been dreaming. Just a dream… a really strange dream…
My eyes flitted over my surroundings as I tried to remember what I had been
doing last. I was sprawled on the floor, the bean bag I'd been roosting on
earlier behind my back. My controller was still in my hand. Junk food was
everywhere, bags of chips, cookies, soda cans. On the TV, the screen said Game
Over. We'd been playing a fighting game. Yeah… and I hadn't been able to keep
my eyes open anymore, I'd been so tired…
Thunder pealed again, jerking into me. The wind howled past the window, shook
its panes. There seemed to be a nasty storm building up outside. I couldn't
hear the rain yet.
I blinked eyes still heavy with sleep and looked directly in front of me—only
to have my pulse skitter a second later and my heart do a strange flop in my
chest. Riku wasn't asleep. He was watching me, had probably been watching me
this whole time. His eyes were intent on mine, but at the same time, there was
a content expression on his face. I didn't understand it. He had never looked
at me that way before, like he could gaze at me for hours and not mind at all.
"Riku?" I whispered.
He blinked slowly in response and said nothing. His shoulders moved as he
breathed, but his eyes didn't once shift away from mine. It was almost…
unsettling.
"Why are you watching me?" I couldn't make myself bring my voice above that
careful whisper. I didn't know why. There wasn't really a moment to ruin,
except there was. I sensed it. It was a light, tingly feeling above my skin. I
had never experienced anything like it before.
Finally, his expression changed. Distress pulled his eyebrows together,
tightened the corner of his mouth. "Because I miss you…"
"But—I'm right here…" That didn't make any sense, I thought with some
confusion. Maybe I was a little disoriented, too, from sleep, but… I'd been
right there with him for the better part of the last three weeks, ever since
Riku had been nice to me in the hallway. We'd spent loads of time together,
apart from when I had a date with Squall.
So, how then, could he miss me?
Riku gave a slow shake of his head, and his eyes closed. "But you're not here…"
What did that mean…?
I opened my mouth to ask that very question—stopped as I felt a buzz in my
pocket. It was the middle of the night. Who was texting me? Frowning, I reached
for it, and as I did so, Riku shifted beside me. He reached up and rubbed at
his eyes.
"Nngh," he groaned, "what time is it…? Guess we fell asleep…"
Oh, it's from Squall.
My thumb moved across the keypad to bring up the text. What I saw made my
eyebrow twitch. But of course.
I'm not wearing any underwear.
Christ, it was too late at night for this. I rolled my eyes and typed a text
back before shutting the phone.
It's the middle of the night, Rinoa.
"Who's texting you?" Riku asked through a yawn.
"Rinoa," I replied, and rolled onto my back. The carpet was soft beneath me,
plush enough that I wondered not for the first time why Riku insisted we use
bean bags. Probably just to be propped up away from the ground. Either way, it
had been comfy enough that we'd both passed out on it. So much for an evening
full of video games… School must have been kicking our butts harder than we
thought, him more so. He had basketball practice and a heavier load of
schoolwork to deal with.
"It said Squall." Riku turned onto his side and propped his head up.
Nosy bastard… Why ask the question if he already knew the answer…? Still, this
way, I got to explain, I supposed.
"But it's Rinoa," I replied. "She probably took over his phone again. She likes
to do that. At first, it was a bit of a game, but now she doesn't bother trying
to be subtle." I shook my head as a fond smile crept along my mouth. I could
still remember the earlier texts and trying to decipher if Squall had really
sent them. He always reclaimed his phone in the end, though, and wrote back an
apology.
Riku climbed to his feet with a sigh. He straightened his shirt as he did so,
and my eyes got to rove over a fair amount of skin before it was covered. I
flushed slightly, teeth pressed into my lower lip. Riku didn't notice, walking
over to the TV and turning it off before bending to do the same to the video
game console.
My phone buzzed again. I'm bored. Come over here!
What the crap, it was the middle of the night. Besides that, I was going to see
her the next day. I had a date with Squall, and they kind of lived together.
What's Squall doing? I wrote back.
Asleep, was the simple reply.
Well… that'd be awkward, wouldn't it? Squall and I had been dating for three
weeks now… but we weren't exactly close enough that Squall could wake up
perhaps and find me there chatting with his best friend. Or were we? It didn't
matter. According to my phone, it was half past twelve, and, according to the
weather signs outside, it was going to storm… and Riku lived all the way across
our neighborhood. Forget it. I wasn't trudging through that. What if the sky
opened up hell upon me? What if I got struck by lightning along the way?
No way, it's going to storm.
Rinoa took a while to reply, and I got tired of waiting around for one, so I
got up to help Riku clean our mess. We trudged downstairs as quietly as we
could, our arms full of food and trash. In the kitchen, Riku flipped on the
light, and he found clips for the chips as I wrestled out a storage baggie for
the cookies one-handedly, my arm still full of cans. I dropped them into the
trash beneath the sink and got to putting the cookies away.
Finished, we examined everything, dusted off our shirts, turned off the light,
and headed back upstairs to his bedroom. Lightning flashed against the windows,
and the thunder was more ominous when it came again. And Rinoa wanted me to
walk to Squall's house through that? Pssh. Girl must have been delusional.
As we got back into Riku's room, I realized… I didn't exactly know what to do,
and there was an awkward pause on my behalf. I hadn't stayed the night at
Riku's house in a… long time, and back when I had, we'd still slept in the same
bed together. Now it was… well… obviously really different…
Oh, geeze.
Probably the couch, I thought reasonably. Or the spare bedroom.
"Come on, let's go to bed," Riku said, pushing down on his jeans. He kicked
them to the side, and I got an eyeful of nice, toned legs, and orange plaid
boxers.
I ripped my eyes up to his face. "Where do you want me to—?"
Riku put a hand between my shoulder blades and pushed. I stumbled forward over
the bean bags and hit the bed.
"I—I can't—it wouldn't be right!" I protested wildly. "Squall—"
Well, it'd be kinda like cheating, wouldn't it?
Riku rolled his eyes, and I felt my face flush. "This isn't a homo moment,
Sora. We used to do it all the time, remember?"
I hated how he always made me feel like I was being silly, when I knew damn
well I wasn't. "But it's different now!" The guy knew, at the very least, that
I was gay. And he wanted me to sleep in a bed with him?
"And how would that be?" Laughing at me now, he pulled his shirt over his head
and tossed it over to where his discarded pants were. Even though there wasn't
light in his room, just shadows, I could still appreciate the sculpted beauty
of his torso.
Distract Sora With My Body, Round II had commenced.
The… dilemma… here was that I couldn't say that it would be cheating on Squall,
because… well, because Riku would ask how, considering Riku and me weren't
anything, but my thoughts weren't pure in that vein, but that would mean
explaining to Riku that I had the hots for him, and so—there was nothing for me
to do, really, was there, but climb in bed, too.
Averting my eyes from Riku's pale beauty, I climbed into the bed fully clothed
and took the far side by the wall. There was no way I was going to risk being
in only my underwear. It'd be way easier to spot my arousal then, and then
where would I be? Up shit creek. Riku would freak out, I knew that much.
Not a homo moment indeed…
The bed caved as Riku fell in behind me, and I turned so I was facing the wall.
Riku was behind me somewhere, settling in, seemed like on the far side. I heard
him fluff his pillows. His mattress had changed since I'd last slept on it. It
was now quite cushion-y, not to mention bigger, but I'd already known the
latter, obviously.
My pocket vibrated.
Rinoa, finally responding? Realizing the wisdom of my words?
I pulled my phone out—yelped as Riku grabbed it before I could even read the
text. I twisted under the sheets to see him turning it off, putting it away in
the nightstand drawer.
"But I didn't get to read it!" I protested.
"It's bedtime," he grumbled. "Come on. Sleep."
Riku could be a sleep monster when he wanted to be, and judging by the heavy
set of his lashes, he'd already started to doze off when Rin had texted me.
Grumbling, I rolled back over and tried to get tired again, too. Rain was
beginning to patter against the window. Somehow, listening to it, I managed to
will my arousal down and not focus on the fact that Riku was barely clad in
anything behind me.
But when I did doze off, my sleep was fitful.
===============================================================================
It was warm.
It was warm, and someone smelled nice—really nice.
I stirred, shifting closer to the source of wholesome goodness. A slender arm
tightened around my waist in response, and I sighed and pushed my nose against
the hot skin of a throat. The smell here was better, whatever soap resided in
the pores. I didn't want to wake up. Felt too good.
Someone mumbled into my hair. Pulled me closer.
My legs were warm, too—they were entangled between someone else's. My arm was
wrapped about someone's waist, my fingers were splayed against bare skin
between shoulder blades. I hadn't ever woken up so comfortably before; or, at
least, not in a very long time. It was too good. I didn't want to wake up…
Bright… sunlight…
I cracked an eye open.
Really bright.
What time was it?
I squeezed my eyes shut tight. Focused on waking, even though every limb in my
body was heavy, saying I hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before. I ignored
them. There was something… something was telling me that it was too late… that
I needed to check the clock… that I was missing something… but what…?
Strength returned to me in bits and pieces, strength of will, and I lifted
myself up a few careful inches. I forced my eyes to open. They landed on the
alarm clock on the nightstand. The red digital numbers told me what some part
of me had feared. It was twelve in the afternoon.
I was supposed to be at Squall's house at ten—two hours ago.
"Shit!" I cursed.
I looked down, pushing on—Riku's shoulders. Oh, great. We'd been cuddled up
together. Just peachy. That was the last thing I had needed. But it wasn't my
fault that my body had betrayed me sometime in the night. I was a cuddly
person, and I'd always done it with Riku when we were younger… before he'd hit
puberty…
Egh.
"Riku!" I said, insistent. "We gotta go!"
"Nngh," was the groan.
"I'm late! You promised to take me to Squall's house!" I was so upset my voice
squeaked. No time to be embarrassed. There were more important things at stake!
Like Squall's ire… Shit, shit shit! How had I slept in this late? It wasn't
like we'd stayed up until five in the morning or something! Only one!
The only reason I had stayed the night with Riku was because Riku had wanted to
hang out with me on Saturday, today, but I'd, of course, already made plans
with Squall. So, to compromise, I'd spent the night with Riku the night before,
so we'd have some time together, and in agreement, he was supposed to take me
to Squall's house from his on Saturday, today.
Today.
I'd slept in!
"Riku, come on, up, up, up!" I had resorted to beating him with a pillow, but
one had to do what they had to do. I'd deal with Sleep Monster later.
A black haze of doom shrouded Riku as he got out of bed, more of a stumble,
really. His feet hit the floor, he growled in some language unknown to man, and
then he sauntered off in the direction of the bathroom. I watched him go for a
minute, heart pounding as I thought of how pissed Squall was going to be, and
then I got to the business of getting ready to leave.
===============================================================================
Thirty minutes later, I was dropped off at Squall's house. I was mostly
disgusted because Riku had had to have a shower first. Like we had time for
that! Not that he cared, though. Why would he have? No, that would have been
very decidedly un-Riku-like. And he had an image to uphold, didn't he? Bastard.
As Riku drove off with his music thumping, I thumbed through my phone screen
until I got to the message I hadn't gotten to read.
Sorry, Rin had phone.
Great. Just great. I'd never replied to him last night, and I was late. This
day just kept getting better and better.
I ran up the front steps of the house, shouldering my back pack. There wasn't
much in it, just clothes and a few video games. I'd leave it at Squall's house
until I went home later. Or something. If we were still going anywhere… there
was a reason I was supposed to be here at ten…
The front door opened moments after I knocked. It was… Squall's bodyguard. The
blond guy. What was he doing here? Bodyguarding at his house? Sure, but—ergh…
To be honest, I hadn't spent much time at Squall's house since the last time,
and I'd seen this spooky guy only occasionally. I knew his name was Cloud. That
was it.
Cloud stepped to the side, quiet.
"…Where's um—where's… Squall?" I asked, more tentatively than I would have
liked. Why was this guy here sometimes, and then at others he wasn't? It didn't
make any sense. Unless… he was around all the time and I just hadn't known
about it… in which case, my heart just gave an awkward shudder in my chest.
Okay, I so didn't want to think about it. Now wasn't the time.
"Upstairs," the blond replied.
Locked up in his room?
Not so good…
My bad feeling increasing with every moment that passed, I vaulted up the
stairs two at a time. I felt Cloud's eyes on me as I disappeared around the
corner, and I tried to ignore him. He gave me the creeps. Always dressed in a
suit, always so observant, always seeming like he could just melt into the
background if he wanted…
Okay, had he been shadowing Squall this whole time and I'd never noticed?
The two never said much to one another. He'd only popped up a handful of times
to relay something in a quiet tone of voice, Squall would look annoyed but nod,
and then he'd go away again. To where, I hadn't ever thought about it. I just
assumed he'd… what, Sora? Vanished? Just like he materialized out of nowhere?
Oh, man, I was stupid. He was there all the time…
I made it past Rinoa's door spare seconds before it opened and she grabbed my
elbow, yanking me inside.
"Hey!" I said, as I stumbled over my feet. My eyes got an eyeful of posters of
extremely gorgeous gentlemen and a blue bedspread. It was tidy in here… Look,
there was one of those feather things over her closet door… a boa? It was
fuchsia.
"Sora, focus!"
I snapped to attention.
"He's really agitated," she said. "Where were you?"
"Um—um…" I stammered, searching for words, breathless. They came to me in bits
and pieces. "I forgot to set the alarm!" Wait, oh, no. "…He's really mad?" I
asked it hesitantly, afraid of the answer that I knew would come.
She crossed her arms and flicked her hair over her shoulder as she did so.
"Just annoyed. He hates waiting around. And it has been two hours…"
I bit my lip. Oh, man… "What do I do?" We were speaking in hushed voices so as
not to be overheard by the lion down the hallway, although now mine was going
up slightly at the end with my panic.
With a sigh, she put a hand to her forehead and shook it. The way she did it,
eyes raised to the heavens, it reminded me somehow of Squall. Had it originally
been his gesture, and it had just rubbed off on her over the years? At the same
time, she made the move hers, with her other hand still on her hip, and a
distinctly feminine roll of her eyes.
"…Once he gets grumpy, he pretty much stays that way," she said, and my
shoulders drooped. "And my methods for cheering him up wouldn't work quite the
same as yours would…" Now she tapped her chin with her finger, expression
thoughtful.
I looked at her, eager for any scrap of help she might be able to give.
"Hmmm," she said, "well, there's always a blowjob."
WHAT.
I DIDN'T.
I DIDN'T EVEN.
"…No?" She sighed again, lifting her hands. "Then I guess there's no other
choice. Just go in there, say you're sorry you slept in, and deal with him
being grumpy."
I was still recovering from the shock of her last remark, my face a bright,
crimson red. I struggled to piece thoughts together. It was like they were
knocking against one another, and then falling away. Nothing would fit. Always
a blowjob. Honestly!
"But…" I said, after a lapse of silence, "but…" Okay, nothing was coming still.
Oh, and my brain went into the gutter. Thank you, Rinoa. Thank you.
She grabbed my shoulders, pushing me out of her room and down the hallway.
"Just do it! Get it over with!"
I tried to dig my heels in and mostly failed. My feet tripped, and I went
flying a few paces forward more. Rinoa was at my back seconds later, shoving
again. No matter what I did, she was moving me along, like I hardly weighed a
thing. How the hell was she stronger than me? I was a boy! She was a girl! A
thin one, at that! Then again, I was pretty thin, too…
Squall's open door was approaching—no, no, I wasn't ready…
I stumbled over the threshold, only to whirl around in time for the door to
slam in my face. I gaped at it, mouthing silently. She'd left me alone in the
lion's den…?
Slowly, braced for disaster, I turned. Squall was perched at his computer, not
looking up, though he had to have known I'd come in. An almost… visible black
aura surrounded him, worse than Riku's when he'd been rudely awakened, and I
hadn't thought that was possible. Man… I was in deep shit…
"…um…" I said. "Hey, Squall… I… sorry I'm late…"
No response. Type, type, type on his computer. Was he working on a story?
"Rinoa… was… texting me at one in the morning…" I continued on, feeling lame as
I did so. "…and I turned my phone off so I could go back to sleep…"
He still wasn't looking up. Did he even care about my excuses? Probably not.
"…and I forgot that my phone was my alarm…"
"Throw me under the bus, why don't you!" came Rinoa's voice, muffled through
the door.
"Geh!" I hurried away from the door and over to Squall, then lowered my voice
to something more apologetic and less afraid. "I'm really sorry, Squall… please
don't be mad…"
The man finished with whatever sentence he was typing, and I could see that he
had Word open, and then he turned to me. My eyes flew down from the screen to
meet his. I didn't want him to think I'd been reading over his shoulder. He was
still so secretive…
"We missed the show," he said.
I bit the inside of my lip. "I know—I—I'm sorry—"
"What do you want to do instead?" he said, cutting me off.
My heart sinking, I looked at him in silence. Man, why had I forgotten that my
alarm was on my phone? But I'd been so tired… it had been the middle of the
night… tired until Riku took his clothes off and climbed into bed behind me,
which was before he took my phone away from me, but that was beside the point.
Or was it?
Squall slowly raised his eyebrows, prompting me to speak.
I looked away, trying not to fidget, my finger finding my sweatband and digging
into the inside of it. I felt guiltier than ever. Man, this bombed.
A second later, Rinoa burst back into the room. "There's a horror marathon on
TV!" she announced. "Getting ready for Halloween!"
Egh, horror films. Not my cup of tea.
"Yeah… sounds… great…" I said, with all the enthusiasm of a dead fish.
"Squall loves horror films, don't you, Squall?" Rinoa turned to him with an
expectant smile on her lips that looked a little forced. Come on, Squall, be
nice, be nice!
It was Squall's turn to roll his eyes, and he got up from his chair to push
Rinoa out the door. She protested all the way, not that he paid it any
attention. Once he had shut the door behind her, he turned to face me again,
and, amazingly, he seemed to be in a much better mood. Wow, considering how
annoyed he'd been with her a second ago. Or had it been more of a good-natured
annoyed?
"There's not much to do here, is there?" he said, in his deep voice.
"No, not really…" It blew.
"Well…" He sighed, frowning thoughtfully.
"We could play a video game?" I brightened as my thoughts ran forward, finally
slotting themselves together into something resembling a good idea. "We could
go to the video game store!" Now I sounded like a three-year-old. Great. But
who cared? I hadn't gone in a couple of weeks, and there were sure to be new
games out I could pester my mom about later. Look, Mom, see all my good grades,
courtesy of all the studying I've been doing with Riku?
"I suppose." He grabbed his bomber jacket and shrugged it on, pulling on its
wrists afterwards to straighten the sleeves, and I set my book bag by his bed.
As we walked out the door, I posed an innocent enough question. "What were you
working on?"
"Just… an idea," he replied vaguely.
I tried not to let it get to me. I honestly did. But I wanted to know more, and
it pained me that I couldn't, because I didn't want to annoy Squall again.
Which prodding would do.
Sighing, I followed him downstairs.
===============================================================================
At school, things were awkward. My relationship with Riku was fine—if rumors
were going around, they never really reached my ears except the occasional
look, and I'd gotten only those to start with, anyway. I was sure Riku had
heard more, but I never wanted to ask. I didn't know what I was afraid of. It
wasn't like they were hindering all the time he'd spent with me lately, which
only had to be fueling them… Whatever. If Riku didn't care, then how could I?
Not that I was any more enlightened on the matter… Riku still hadn't told me
his reasoning behind the two kisses. Neither of us had brought it up, either.
I was musing on this between classes, books in hand and head down, when I felt
myself slam into someone. We both stumbled, and my hand automatically reached
out to steady whoever I had caused to nearly topple over. I caught a flash of
red hair, and my heart leapt straight into my throat.
Kairi!
"Kai… I…" I hesitated as she began to hastily push down on her skirt and right
her things. She wasn't looking at me, steadfastly avoiding my eyes.
Kairi was the other problem. Ever since I'd told her she was acting jealous,
she'd avoided me like the plague. I honestly didn't understand it. I'd tried
apologizing to her several times since then, and each time had proved futile.
"Kairi, I'm sorry—"
She turned and walked off without even a word in return, her head bent down
like mine had been seconds ago. It wasn't the first time she'd done it, and it
still hurt me. Each time she did, it was like a solid blow to my chest. How was
I supposed to know what to do when she refused to let me try and make things
better? It wasn't just hallway confrontations. I'd tried everything. Talking to
her in class, over the phone, going to her house one day when I'd knew she'd be
there and Mom had let me borrow the car…
All I got in return was a cold shoulder, no answer to my calls or my texts, and
her mother to tell me that she didn't want to see me right now when I'd
appeared on her doorstep.
How could I have hurt her so badly, and why wouldn't she let me make it up to
her? People said things all the time when they were angry, and she had been
pushy despite knowing my stand with Riku. I understood her thoughts just fine,
I did. I wouldn't want to be in her position, either. But… how long could you
stay mad about it…? It wasn't like I was genuinely cruel person… I would never
set out to hurt her that way…
I hated hurting Kairi…
A hand suddenly seized around my shoulder, and I was thrust into the nearby
lockers. Winded, I stared up at my attacker. There were three of them instead
of one. When I saw who it was, my heart fell, and I closed my eyes, tilting my
head back against the locker door that it had just slammed into seconds before.
I was going to have a wicked headache later.
"Hey, there, punk," Seifer Almasy said, affectionate rife in his tone. I knew I
was dead meat. "We were looking for you."
Seifer was in the basketball team with Riku. The two weren't, exactly,
exclusive friends, nor did they ever hang out in the same circles. But Seifer
took his teamwork very seriously, and he played fantastically with Riku
whenever they were on the court. That was as far as their relationship
extended, and both of them were content with that. They hadn't ever tried for
anything more.
His two real friends, Raijin and Fuujin, followed him around everywhere. Seifer
could not be seen without his posse in tow. Rai, as he liked to be called, was
tall, dark, and full of muscle. He was a star player on the football team,
which wasn't really a surprise if you got a good look at him, he just didn't
have a lot of brains. He was at Seifer's beck and call, always coming running.
He lived in his friend's shadow, and he was content to stay that way. Seifer
looked out for him, not that Rai really needed much looking after.
Fuu, on the other hand, as she liked to be called, was in ROTC and on the girls
basketball team. She was really studious, slender, and, more or less, Rai's
complete opposite. She would have been gunning for valedictorian if it weren't
for the fact that she was a girl of few words.
"Scared." She said it in her quiet voice, but the one word was firm, enforced.
See?
"Heh, he is, isn't he, Fuu? As he should be."
I slid my eyes open to look at Seifer. The blond boy's lips were curled in a
feral smile, and his green eyes glittered dangerously. I thought idly that I
liked the shade of Riku's much more.
"You and I have a problem, Shiozu, and it needs to be addressed now," Seifer
continued.
"Problem?" I echoed.
Rai clapped his fist into his open palm. "Yeah! You need to leave Riku alone,
ya know?" That was Raijin's favorite expression. Ya know. It usually tagged on
to every sentence he had. It was a bit disconcerting, if only for the fact that
if you had to listen to him for more than three minutes, it started to get
really old, and he never seemed to notice. Then again, he only had to worry
about pissing Seifer off, and no one else. How Seifer managed it was beyond me.
Maybe he was just used to it.
For that matter, how did they even have anything in common?
Maybe Seifer needed the extra bulk to back up his occasional bullying… Not that
Seifer couldn't handle a problem himself, I didn't doubt that. But he probably
didn't prefer to deal with it, considering it beneath him or something.
The three were staring at me expectantly, and I realized they wanted me to
answer.
"Why?" I said. "Riku's fine." His performance hadn't dropped in the least.
"Because you're a fag, that's why, and we wouldn't want it to rub off on our
star team player, now would we?" Seifer all but purred.
Rai barked a laugh beside him. "We need him focused, ya know?"
"Defeat," Fuu said with a decisive nod. In fact, where did she factor into this
odd group? Maybe these two were the only ones who knew enough about her
personality to understand her one-word lines.
Okay, I really needed to stop wondering on her backstory, or Raijin's
(Seifer's, I didn't much care for), when it was clear that the three were going
to beat me up. Well… it was possible, anyway. And I wasn't much of a fighter. I
could hold my own, maybe, but not against three! Not these three definitely.
"Yeah! He's got an important game coming up soon!" Rai flexed his arm muscles.
"He keeps blowin' Seifer off for extra practice to hang out with you!"
Oh, so that's what it was…
"Let's just get one thing straight," I said, with all the detached air of
someone who didn't care that they were about to get reamed.
"And what's that?" The smug curl to Seifer's lip grew a bit sharper, more drawn
up.
I crossed my arms and shrugged. Inside, my heart was pounding. Outwardly, a
cool image of apathy. "If I'm the fag, aren't you, too?"
"What?" I watched Seifer's eyes darken to a very dangerous shade of green.
"I mean," I pressed onward, "aren't there rumors going on about you and
Hayner?"
Hayner was also on the basketball team, but his competition with Seifer in the
school was legendary. The two didn't get along at all, and they didn't even try
and pretend they did. They met the bare minimum requirements for "teamwork" on
the court, and that was it.
I think the real issue Seifer had with him was that Hayner went above and
beyond the simple rivalry of a competition. He looked down at Seifer, and he
wasn’t afraid to show it. That bothered Seifer. Bothered him to no ends.
That was all I knew about the situation, and most of that came from Riku.
I watched the red of Seifer's face start to vary toward an interesting shade of
purple. He was so angry, he wasn't breathing. All of him was very, very still.
I got the impression, suddenly, that he was very close to maybe pouncing on me
and actually doing the work himself for once instead of tossing it over to
Raijin.
Whoa, I'd really struck a nerve.
Score.
A pale hand settled on Seifer's shoulder from behind, and I looked up to see
Riku there in time for him to lightly clear his throat. The three whipped
around to stare at him, and Riku's hand dropped back to his side. I felt
something—relief?—rise up in my heart and settle through my bones. It was over.
"Yeah, guys?" Riku gave a slight shake of his head. "This isn't going to work."
Rai licked his lips, a nervous gesture. "We were just—"
"Uh huh." Riku's eyes cut over to him, and they were unfriendly. I'd never been
on the receiving end of this glare, and I never wanted to be. Others had, and
they hadn't fared well, in the end. I'd heard tales. "Yeah." His voice was as
cold as dry ice.
Almost at once, the posse determined it was a good idea to leave. Raijin took a
couple of steps back, Fuujin cast Riku a cool glance, and the two started off
ahead of Seifer a moment later. Seifer himself, however, lifted his fingers
near his eyes and then directed them at me. I'm watching you, his eyes burned.
Maybe there was a reason no one picked on me for the rumors about Tidus's
party. I didn't want to know what Riku did to invoke that much fear in him,
when he'd barely said more than four sentences, and most of those sentences
were only words. I never had to see that side, and hopefully, I never would.
Riku stepped over to me when the bullies had safely vacated the premises, and
he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. "Wow, Sora," he said, his
voice still dry but considerably warmer, "great way of trying to get your face
beat in."
That made me bristle, and I glared up at him. What the hell had he expected me
to do, just stand there and take it? Riku was my best friend! I could hang out
with him if I wanted to!
"Well," I said, beginning to echo my thoughts out loud, "I couldn't just stand
there and—"
"It was three against one," he cut in. "There's being brave, and then there's
being stupid." He squeezed my shoulders a second time and moved me away from
the lockers. I let him, frowning grumpily. "C'mon, the bell's about to ring."
Riku acted like he cared about what other people thought, but this was the one
time where if that were the case, he wouldcare. Greatly. And yet—he didn't. He
didn't care one bit about the rumors, or at least he didn't seem to.
Why did he make himself seem so complex? Because if he didn't "care," he
wouldn't be popular?
Ugh, what a head twist.
===============================================================================
School had let out, and I was hurrying across the school's back property to
make it to Riku's car. Judging by the thunderheads above me and the rapid
flashes of lightning, it was going to start pouring down any minute now. Most
people were already scrambling for their cars, as well. All I had to do was
make it to Riku's, climb inside if he was already then, and he should have
been, and then I'd be safe.
Stormy, chilly weekend, and now the weather forecast was saying that the rest
of the week was going to be rainy, too. When it rained in the mountains, the
temperature dropped at least twenty degrees. You began to see your breath. Rain
against your skin felt like ice cubes were sliding along it. And that was just
in the summer. Now that it was already crawling toward the end of October…
Yeah, it was freezing out.
I bundled my jacket closer to myself and dipped my chin into my scarf. Thunder
clapped loudly overhead, and I heard a girl nearby screech. She hurt my
eardrums more than the thunder had, and it had threatened to shake the very
ground under my feet. Sheesh.
My pocket buzzed, but I ignored it for now. I had a destination. Once I was
safely inside a warming vehicle, then I'd check my messages.
I was just putting one foot on the blacktop where the senior cars were parked
when I heard it.
The whispering.
My vision went black, and I was staring at the inside of my eyelids again. I
felt tired… drained, even though I'd been full of energy the minute before, if
not chilled to my bones. I tried to open my eyes, tried as hard as I could. It
wasn't working.
"…what is he…?"
Why was I so tired…?
My lashes fluttered, and the world swam. Then they were closing again. I
honestly couldn't keep them open. It was like that dream feeling again, like
I'd been trying to wake up, and I couldn't do it just yet. My body was too worn
thin. Ugh.
"…I think she put him there… "
She?
Him?
Who? What were they talking about? It was the boy and the girl again. I
strained my ears, struggling to hear more. The whispering increased like it had
last time, and I was afraid it was going to leave me again, leave me confused.
But then I heard him, the boy, and the whispering faded for just a moment.
"…like an obstacle…?"
"Yeah! It's bullshit, you know, because obviously Hayner's just as good as
Seifer is, and neither one of them need to be taken off the team."
I blinked. One blink, two blinks, three. My eyes were open, and I was outside…
and—Riku? Riku was talking to me…
Thunder jarred ahead, and I jerked a little bit despite myself.
"Riku? How'd you get here?" I said, slightly panicked. What was happening to
me? Why did I keep zoning out like that? Hearing voices couldn't have been a
good sign for my sanity. Did I need to talk to someone? But I didn't want to be
crazy… I would have brought it up to Riku if he wouldn't have laughed at me.
Riku slowly arched an eyebrow. "I was here the whole time. We were talking
about how Seifer is trying to get Hayner kicked off the team, remember? And
then you said, 'Huh, that's weird,' so I replied in turn…"
I bit my lip, studying him. Had I…? Had I said that…? Had we been talking about
Hayner and Seifer…? Had Riku really been there the whole time…?
He put his hand on my shoulder. "You okay there, doofus?"
I swatted it away and ambled off ahead of him. "Yeah. Just tired. You're right,
I just… zoned out."
"Uh huh."
"I did, jerk! Anyway—Seifer's such an ass, maybe it had something to do with
what I said to him earlier."
"Probably. He's petty like that."
We carried on like this all the way to his car, at times competing to hear one
another over the thunder, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was
wrong. Very, very wrong.
But what?
===============================================================================
Our books were spread out in front of us on the dining room table as we set
about to our homework, as per our usual schedule. I sighed, head propped up on
my hand, the words on the page of my textbook blurring in front of me. Riku was
sitting beside me, more absorbed in his work than I was in mind. But he'd
always had better concentration.
At least my grades had seen an improvement from this. And my homework kept
getting turned in… My mom had even given me money to get that video game I'd
found with Squall.
I leaned back in my seat with a long sigh and let my eyes drift to the ceiling,
my head resting on the back of my wooden chair. The chandelier above us was
turned on, only because the pouring rain outside was preventing what was left
of the daylight to peep through the windows and provide a proper light source.
My thoughts drifted.
Things were just so weird lately… Sometimes, nothing at all would happen, and
I'd go back to thinking that I'd just imagined everything. But then earlier, in
the parking lot… Nothing for three weeks, almost, and then… What did it mean?
The whispers. Was it just me being tired? How could I have blanked out on Riku
not being there, though?
No… No, I remembered now…
Riku had been there… Yeah… We'd come out of the school together, Riku slightly
incensed about what he'd found out from his coach before school had let out.
We'd been talking, and then I'd spaced out to the whispers. Honestly. I really
was a doofus.
I sat up straighter in my seat, my hand falling from my lap to the space
between our chairs. My fingers lightly slapped against his, and I opened my
mouth to apologize—felt all the breath leave me when Riku's fingers… curled
around mine…
Lungs hurting, I stared down at my book and the doodles on my notebook paper.
Had he really just done that? It hadn't been an accident? But his fingers were
still around mine… his thumb… was brushing up along my index finger… over to
the center of my palm… tracing over where lifelines were…
My heart pounding to the point of pain, I sent a surreptitious glance in his
direction. Riku wasn't looking at me, though, only reading. His free hand
turned a page on his text book, and I watched his eyes rove over the words,
slow but not too slow, taking them in, absorbed in the material. But he was
fully aware of what he was doing at the same time, there was no way he wasn't.
Why was he—
I pulled my hand away. Riku said nothing, did nothing different. I swallowed my
pulse down and squeezed my eyes shut. I tried to say quiet—I really did. I
tried not to say anything to him, tried not to demand answers from him. But I
just couldn't. This was too much. Everything, all the things he had done, the
last few weeks of his old, kindly behavior—
Something was up. It was time we talked about. I couldn't let it rest anymore.
"What was that a—"
"Don't," he said so firmly it rattled me.
I twisted in my seat to stare at him. He lifted his hand into his lap, propped
his head up on his hand like I had done. His hair was back in a ponytail, so I
could see his profile. His expression was perfectly neutral, but I could spot a
slight tightening to the line of his mouth the longer I stared at him. For
once, he wasn't pretending he didn't notice my eyes on him. It'd be hard to
pull that off from such a short distance between us, however.
I almost let it go. I did.
But I couldn't.
"Riku—you can't just—…" I trailed off, searching for words, frustrated. He was
so confusing! "Why do you keep—"
"I don't know, okay!" he exploded. As I gaped at him, he slammed his book shut
and got out of his seat, walking away from me, out of the dining room.
I stared after him wordlessly for several long moments. After maybe three
minutes had passed, I even tried to do my homework again. I was no closer to
getting involved it in it than I had been a quarter of an hour ago. It was time
to abandon a ship that was quickly sinking. I'd done what I could, what I could
without cheating on Squall, and nothing had helped. No need to stick around.
Riku still hadn't returned as I started packing my stuff together, and that
made me angry. Stupid, stupid Riku… Thinking he could just rattle my world
entirely, turn it upside down three times now, and then get up—leave, leave and
not come back. Was he waiting for me to so he could come back downstairs where
it was "safe"? Good. Good, fine, fine, I was leaving, and he could be happy
now.
How did he get off on that? On not telling me crap? How did he not know? It was
him! He never did anything he hadn't thought through at least a billion times!
Nothing serious, anyway.
It wasn't worth it. I didn't wantto do this anymore, so I wasn't. I was tired
of Riku's games.
Riku came back into the room just as I was making my way out of it. I almost
bumped into him, twisted, brushed past him.
"Where are you going?" he demanded.
"To Squall's," I said without looking back. Keep moving forward, Sora. Keep
moving forward.
"Why?" His voice cracked out like a whip, straightened my spine.
Pissed, I whirled around to face him like he wanted. "Because I don't want to
do this! I'm in a relationship with Squall—"
"For now," he said, stopping me.
It took me longer than I would have liked to recover from that statement. I
stared at him for several heartbeats, in a quiet state of disbelief. My
thoughts whirred in my head, trying, yet again, to slot together into something
resembling coherency. And just before they did, I shook my head hard, fast, in
the negative, and pivoted.
"I'm not even going to bother thinking about what that even means!" I said over
my shoulder.
I stormed out of the house, and he didn't follow me.
Riku, after all, never followed.
===============================================================================
I ran all the way to Squall's house. My lungs were burning, and my clothes were
sopping wet, from a combination of the monsoon on top of our neighborhood and
the water puddles I was splashing up when my feet slammed into them. I focused
on that—focused on pushing breath in, out, focused on the thunder, focused on
how cold I was, focused on my breath fogging the air in front of me.
Focused on anything but Riku.
"For now."
He didn't have the right—he didn't have the damn right—
No.
No.
Squall,I thought furiously. squallsquallsquallsquallsquallsquall
Cloud answered the door. I pushed him past him and up the stairs, dripping
water everywhere. I didn't care. When I got upstairs and hit the carpet, I
cared a little more, but not enough. Rinoa's door was closed. I barely spared
it a glance and kept marching straight into Squall's room, opening the door
without knocking and seeing myself in.
He was on his bed, homework spread in front of him, notebook in his lap and
pencil tapping on his lower lip. He looked up at the noise, startled, and his
eyes widened a little at the sight of me before narrowing when he saw the grim
determination on my face. I struggled to breathe properly, snapping my mouth
shut, exhaling loudly through my nose. I was shaking from more than the cold.
"Sora," he said. Nothing else. Probably could see on my face that he didn't
need to ask me what I was doing here, that obviously it was important.
I just watched him. I wanted to say something, but words were stuck in my
throat. What could I say? That I was running away from the guy I was in love
with because he had once again taken the ground out from under me and left me
swimming with the sharks? Squall didn't need to hear something like that. He
didn't even know of my feelings for Riku to start with. As far as he was
concerned, we were just friends.
And that's the way it should have been. Just friends. So why did—
"You're soaking wet," Squall said, and his eyes softened. "There's towels in
the…" He trailed off. Trailed off because I was taking off my T-shirt.
I pulled it off over my head, let it splatter to the floor. I pushed my pants
down, kicked them off at the same time that I nudged my shoes off my feet, and
my sodden socks. That left me clad in my boxers, and I got myself out of those,
too. I was still wet from the rain, dampness on my skin in a chilly layer, and
I was trembling, but the heater was on, so it wouldn't last long.
Squall's eyes were slightly wide. He put his notebook aside and started to
stand up. I didn't know what he was going to say. I didn't want to know. I just
acted.
I put my palms on his shoulders and pushed. He didn't resist, mostly because he
was so surprised. I followed down after him, putting my mouth insistently
against his. It was the first time I'd ever made the first move. His lips were
hot, really hot, but only because mine were so cold. It'd be okay. He'd warm
them up.
Squall's mouth was stiff beneath mine for only a handful of seconds. I could
tell he had questions, that he wanted to ask them. Instead, he molded his mouth
to mine and reached up to put his fingers in my hair. He tugged me down against
him, and I went, my knees on either side of his hips.
It was easy to lose myself in his kisses. He was so good at them, so thorough,
and I was always left hot and wanting afterward. We'd never been alone enough
to get away with anything more, and the one time we had, we'd gotten
interrupted. Not now. Not now. Not if I had anything to say about it. Good
thing I'd remembered to lock the door behind me when I first came in.
Maybe Squall didn't insist on knowing answers because he wouldn't have wanted
to give them were he in my position. Maybe he knew it would be hypocritical of
him. Maybe he just didn't care. I didn't care, not in that moment. I just
wanted to forget.
His hand curled around my arousal, and I groaned low in my throat. I pulled
back from his mouth to eye him through my lashes. I couldn't do just more than
that. All of my body had honed in to where he was touching me. He held my gaze
as his thumb trailed down the length of me, brushing over the tip and then the
underside. I shuddered. His fingers wrapped firmly over me and squeezed, and my
eyes rolled back.
I felt his eyes on my face as he worked me. My hips arched into his hand. My
hand flew out, clenching into the sheets. I heard another gasp leave my lips.
It was so much, almost too much. I'd only ever touched myself before. No one
else had. It was so different like this. So different. Better. Much better.
My other hand rose, and I lifted it to his pants. I wanted him to feel
something to. I didn't want it to be me who was just lost. I wanted him to want
me more. I wanted him to keep me. I wanted him to want something from me, too.
I wanted him to think on this later and smile fondly. I wanted something
easy—something that wasn't complicated.
I found him, and I heard his soft gasp when I wrapped my hand in turn around
him, and then we were both lost in bliss. Squall wasn't as loud as I was. He
bit the inside of his lip, and his eyes were closed, head tilted back on the
sheets, but he made hardly a peep. I tried to follow suit—couldn't. Maybe he
had more experience than me. I didn't know. He didn't tell me anything.
He was bigger than me, but mostly only in length. I didn't let it bother me. I
just wanted him to feel good, too. It seemed to be working. I hadn't ever done
this before, but it wasn't like I didn't have any form of experience. His brows
came together slowly, and his lips parted, and I heard another breath shudder
from him, and I knew that he was enjoying this just as much as he was.
Then his pace sped, and I couldn't concentrate on much anymore.
I came first. It rocked through me, and I managed to choke some sort of
warning. My fingers squeezed hard around him, unintentionally, but he didn't
make a noise of pain—only pushed up deeper into my fingers. Still seeing stars
behind my eyes, I used the last of my strength to urge him into finishing, too.
My breath rattled in my ears. I felt warm all over. I managed to open my eyes,
looking up at him. He was leaning in—kissing me again, harder and harder the
faster I moved my hand. His teeth bit, and my lips stung, and I let him do it.
His breathing deepened, and he shuddered beneath me. Sticky heat flowed over my
fingers. He whispered something against my mouth. I couldn't tell what.
I pulled off him and fell onto my back beside him. We both tried to regulate
our breathing. I put my dirty hand on my stomach and closed my eyes. My clothes
had probably really soaked into his carpet good by now. He didn't mention
it—probably wasn't even thinking about it. Silence spread.
His head turned on the mattress, and I felt again his eyes on me. He didn't say
anything. Neither did I. I didn't even know where to start. I'd run here to
escape my problems with Riku, which was completely unfair to Squall. The guilt
I felt in my heart was eating it alive, burning like acid.
But what was I supposed to do?
***** Party Animal *****
For once, I had taken a leaf out of Riku's book.
 
We sat doing homework in relative silence, giving the occasional question when
one presented itself. "What's the square root of 144 again?" "Really, Sora?"
"Oh, duh,"and, "Should I just… read a synopsis on this book or something? It's
boring as fuck." "Riku, it's not that bad." "I hate reading." "I know, but it's
your homework, so you have to do it. You want to graduate, don't you?" "Eh…"
"Okay, then."
 
Nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Much of the last week, in fact,
had been that way. We were pretending nothing had happened. Riku, as expected,
didn't bring it up. Ididn't bring it up, because I knew that if I pursued the
topic, it wouldn't end up good. Not like Riku was going to want to talk about
it, anyway… and I couldn't makehim talk about it.
 
Still, Riku was my best friend. Avoiding him wasn't going to accomplish
anything. I wouldn't be able to say no to Riku, anyway, if asked to spend time
with him again or something similar, so… I treated it like Riku treated meabout
it—and we just didn't talk about it. It was a good leaf to pick. I was glad I'd
chosen it. Not talking about something that was stifling was almost, what,
liberating? Yeah. I was going to have to face the problem eventually, sure, but
not until I had to.
 
I glanced up. Riku was biting his nails, his brows furrowed in concentration as
he tried to push himself through the book he was being forced to read for his
lit class. I was taking AP lit, and normally I helped him where I could, but
honestly… Chaucer wasn't really that bad, was it? I didn't even haveBritish lit
like he did, and I was already better at it.
 
Poor guy. Riku was a whizz at math like me, and that was about it. Sports and
math. He passed his other classes fairly decently, and he bombed at literature
if he didn't have help. He could read, and he could spell fine, too, it just
never held his interest for very long. But he hadto pass it if he wanted to
keep his academic scholarship… or stay on the team, for that matter.
 
Abruptly, he looked up, holding my eyes. I felt my own widen slightly, and I
quickly dropped them to my textbook. We hadn't made eye contact like that
since… well. Since the Incident. You know the one. When he held my hand? Agh.
I'd been avoiding it, because while before I had always liked how Riku's eyes
had seemed to pierce me to my soul, now… I didn't want him to know anything.
Nothing at all.
 
It wasn't any of his business!
 
This wasn't right… I had Squall…
 
"So, Sora." I heard Riku close his textbook and pick up a mechanical pencil to
begin thumping it on the book's cover. I fought the urge to take it out of his
hands. Maybe hedidn't want to do his homework, but that night's trig assignment
was tough, and I needed to concentrate.
 
"What, Riku?" I scribbled something on my paper. Input a formula in my
calculator. Hissed when I saw I had it wrong and quickly erased to jot in the
proper answer. At about that point, my lead broke. I set my pencil down and
brought both hands under the table to put them in my lap. I didn't want Riku to
see how they were trembling.
 
Damn it, I'd been doing so well notthinking about it. Then he had to go and
look at me—acknowledging for two seconds the thin veil we kept between us. Why
couldn't he just let it be? He hadn't even said anything, hadn't looked at me
in any particular way… But I knew Riku enough that I just, well, knewthat that
was what he had been thinking about. And we couldn't do it, couldn't talk about
it. Not yet. I wasn't ready.
 
I didn't think I'd ever beready.
 
And if he was for once, bully for him. He could wait around on me for a change.
 
"There's this party for Halloween this weekend. I didn't think I was going to
go originally, but I changed my mind." Riku? Not going to a party? It was…
unheard of. He alwayswent to parties. Hell, sometimes he threw his own. I
avoided those like the plague, but…
 
"I can't go, Riku."
 
His pencil gave a particularly hard thunk against the textbook. I sighed
inwardly and pulled my textbook closer to me in lieu of pretending I hadn't
noticed it. Uh-oh. Here we go.
 
"Why not?"
 
When I chanced a glance up, he was smiling his perfect smile he put on for the
masses. But I'd heard the sharpness to his words first, and I wasn't fooled.
His expression was reallytelling me, "All right, Sora, let's hear it, and your
reason for not going better be a damned good one or we're gonna have words."
 
"It's just not my thing," I replied as casually as I could. I was tired of
letting Riku bully me into anything. It wasn't the end of the world if he
didn't talk to me for a few days. I had someone else to lean on now. Two
people. I didn't need him. That didn't mean it wasn't nice when we got along,
because I didcherish that more than anything, but… At the same time, lately it
felt like more of a convenience than something I had to have.
 
"Not your thing," he replied blankly, and he smile dropped.
 
"Look, Riku, you knowI don't like parties—don't like drinking… Give it a rest,
okay? I'm not going, and that's that." Maybe I sounded waspish. I didn't care.
He could deal with it for once. I had to deal with hismoods. A friendship was
supposed to be a two-way street, not a one-way. It was about time he learned
that, too, if he wanted me to still be his best friend when all of this… mess
was over.
 
"Fine," he said, the one word clipped as all hell, and he threw open his
textbook again. I didn't have to look up to know he was sulking.
 
Maybe if all the weird stuff we'd been going through lately hadn't happened, I
would have been more… opento going to his party. But… this time, I was more
reluctant than usual because of it. What had happened the lasttime I'd gotten
drunk with Riku? Yeah.
 
I needed to make sure everything stayed purelyplatonic, not a toe over the
line, where nothing could be construed as anything other than friendship. Going
with Riku to a party could technically be considered like—a date or something.
Not to mention, here again, that Riku couldn't be trusted with alcohol in him…
Or, lately, trusted at all, but that was beside the point.
 
Biting my lip, I stifled a sigh and got back to trig.
 
===============================================================================
 
A couple of days later, I was at Squall's house, and we had a shooter game on
in co-op mode. I'd done my homework at my own place that day, then headed over
to Squall's promptly after. Riku was probably irritated. I didn't care. If I
had to stop and think about his feelings every time I did something, my
relationship with Squall would never work.
 
I sucked in a breath as I got hit with bullets and had to run for cover. It was
my first go at this game, and I was failing miserably. Squall, of course, was
blowing everything to smithereens and had maybe gotten hit once. I'd like to
see him at a stealthier game. See how good he'd be then. Somehow, I had this
feeling that he'd rock on that, too.
 
I didn't have to look at him to know his face was set in total concentration
mode. He rarely said much when we gamed. There had been a couple of times that
we co-op'd online, and I'd gotten maybe two words from him in my headset.
Usually to warn me if something was coming my way, and I'd been oblivious to
it. "Sora. Move." That was apparently all the time he had to spare to talk.
 
It gave me the impression that he'd be good at the real life thing, not just on
a video game, and thatwas a route I didn't want to ponder. He was so against
his father, and I couldn't know if it was a government thing or just his dad,
so even askingif he'd ever had thoughts on joining the military or something
similar when he had his sights on writing…
 
We'd been dating for weeks now. Maybe finally he'd answer a question if I—
 
"Guys!" Rinoa said, bursting into the living room, where we were reclined on
the couch. She had her phone in one hand. "There's a party this weekend!" Who
didn'thave a party this weekend? It was Halloween! "Wanna go?"
 
I hesitated.
 
Squall wasn't saying anything, so I looked at him. His fingers moved over the
controller, and his eyes stayed perfectly glued to the screen. Right, okay… No
answer from him. Did that mean he didn't want to go…? I would go if he was
going to go, but if he wasn't, then that'd just be weird, and…
 
Plus… I already turned Riku down for a party he wanted me to go to… But… Squall
was different, Squall and Rinoa both… We had common interests. Sort of. Rinoa
didn't really have anything in common with us, but that didn't mean she wasn't
cool to hang out with. She was a social butterfly, and could fit in anywhere.
It made having her around lots of fun.
 
"You're dying," Squall said quietly.
 
I jerked and twisted back properly on the sofa to save myself. "Gah!" I'd
totally zoned out. And there I was, my screen flashing red in warning that I
was about to die if I didn't bandage my wounds soon. Shit, shit, shit. Squall
could have mentioned something sooner!
 
"Weeeeell?" Rinoa plopped down on the couch beside me. "Come on, are you going
or not?"
 
Patched up for the moment, I relaxed slightly and gave Squall another look-
over. Nothing from that corner. He was just as engrossed in the game as he was
two seconds ago. Hm.
 
"I don't know," I finally said, and this time, I trained my own eyes on the
screen. I wasn't going to die! I had to stay alive! "I mean… Not if Squall's
not going…" Gunfire flew at me again, and I rolled my character over behind
some crates. I didn't see Squall anywhere nearby, so I glanced up to his
screen. Oh, great, he was way ahead of me.
 
"Well, he is," she decided promptly. She waited a moment; Squall didn't reply
in the negative, so she looked at her nails and continued, one arm over the
back of the couch. "So I guess that means you are, too?"
 
Well…
 
I suppose I am, aren't I?
 
"Okay…" I said.
 
I decided I wouldn't tell Riku about the party. He'd just get pissed off if he
knew I wasn't going to hisparty, and it wasn't something I wanted to deal with.
It wasn't my fault we preferred completely different social circles, and all
the other reasons I'd given myself earlier not to go with him.
 
Rinoa leapt to her feet. "I've got to run! I've got a date. Sora, we'll talk
later about your costume!"
 
Before I could say more, she did an about-face and rushed from the room. I
heard a distant jangle of keys, and the door that led into the garage opening
from the laundry room. It slammed shut a minute later. The BMW vroomedto life.
Squall was letting her borrow his car again, then? She had her own, a brand new
Lexus, but she preferred to use Squall's. Then again, I might have, too… that
thing was nice.
 
Speaking of Squall—
 
"Do you really want to go to this thing?" I asked him.
 
He shrugged.
 
"She gets you to do a lot of stuff you don't want to do, huh?" I pressed.
 
Another shrug.
 
Pondering that, I returned to my game for a second time. It was quiet between
us for a while, the only sounds coming from the TV and the press of the buttons
on our controllers. It was, I was coming to realize, how it usually was between
us unless I was doing most of the talking. Quiet. Peaceful.
 
But it would have been more peaceful if he would just let me in… if I could sit
there and know that he genuinely liked me, could confide in me…
 
I scooted closer to him on the couch. After another round of gunfire, I dared
scooting even closer. He didn't move away. So I finally closed the final
distance between us and curled up against his side, resting my temple against
his shoulder. I lowered my controller to my lap. He didn't tense, didn't say
anything. I figured it was safe.
 
As I inhaled the musk of his cologne, and my own tension eased out of me, I
realized I was… happy. I was happy with us. Sometimes I got nervous, uncertain,
but—right here, right now, it was honestly all right. I felt like we could
really be okay.
 
Now if only I could get Riku convinced of the same thing.
 
"Not yet."
 
The words echoed softly through my mind, and I ducked my head down a little to
hide my frown, not that Squall was going to look at me while we had the game
on.
 
Riku was wrong. Wrong. Squall and me would be fine. He was just struggling with
some weird bicuriosity or something, and taking his… jealousy? out on me.
 
I chewed over that for a moment. Jealousy… Was Riku jealous? Of the time I
spent with Squall and not him? Or something more…? He'd kissed me
twice—practically ruined my second date with Squall—attempted to hold my hand…
 
"Not yet."
 
"You're dying again," Squall said softly.
 
I shook the thoughts from my mind and focused on the game. It didn't matter.
This was what Riku wanted. To get in my head like that, rattle me up. Well, I
wasn't going to let that happen. Squall and me would be fine.
 
Just dandy.
 
Really.
 
I hated the seed of doubt that had sprouted in me. I hated that Riku was the
cause of it. And I hated it more that I hadn't been strong enough to not let it
happen.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
It was Halloween, bright and early on a Saturday morning—well, early enough for
stores to be open—and I was with Rinoa at a very high-class costume rental
store. We'd driven all the way to the big city, forty-five minutes away (which
I supposed wasn't much), and now… we were faced with what few costumes that
were left that were even somewhat appealing.
 
Rinoa had been waiting for this moment for the last few days. She would have
taken me sooner if it weren't for the fact that I had school. Which I'd had to
remind her of. When I hadn't taken her suggestion of feigning ill and skipping,
she'd actually been offended. I'd never seen her irate with me. It was just a
costume! But that was then, this was now.
 
She sighed and tapped her chin. "I just don't know… There's not much of a
selection left, is there…?"
 
Why does everyone keep mentioning their parties to me at the last minute?Surely
people had been planning them for weeks now.
 
I thought it was best not to mention this. Rinoa had gotten rather testy with
the subject of Halloween. Whatever was behind the Mood, I didn't know. I hadn't
asked, and she hadn't elaborated on it. She would, when she felt like talking
about it, as I'd come to learn, and that was usually sooner rather than later.
It was a fact I knew Squall often lamented.
 
A faint smile crossed my mouth, almost unnoticed. It was nice to think that I
knew him well enough to read his expressions whenever Rinoa was gabbing at him.
He did a good job of appearing neutral. After the month, I knew better. I could
see the subtle roll of his eyes when he thought no one was looking—and usually
no one was. The slight furrow to his brows when he was irritated with her. The
thing was, he was never obvious about it, because he didn't want to hurt her
feelings. It was sweet, in a way. He could be so apathetic, but when it came to
Rinoa…
 
Did he feel like she was his little sister and he was responsible for her? It
often seemed that way.
 
"Sora, focus!"
 
"Mmm?" I said, still distracted with my thoughts.
 
"We're here for costumes, not for you to go off in la-la land."
 
I held up my choice. "I like this one."
 
"Yeah, but what about Squall… it has to be matching!" She pushed through the
costumes, her lips pursed with irritation. Not at me, just at the situation.
Like I said, she rarely had ire to throw my way.
 
"It's not that hard to match a Jedi outfit with something…" I trailed off as I
saw the price on the tag. "Holy cow, Rinoa, I can't pay for this!" There was no
freakin' way. It had three digits! Just for a rental!
 
"Don't worry about it, I've got it covered."
 
For twocostumes? How did she have that kind of money?
 
Normally, I wouldn't ask. It was too personal. But Rinoa was my friend, and I
saw her all the time. I was over at her place with Squall just as often. I
figured I had a right to know this kind of thing—at the very least, to demand
an answer. Maybe I wouldn't get one… but I could still ask.
 
"How?"
 
She waved a flippant hand. "Oh, you know, Daddy is pretty awful to get along
with. Our relationship pretty much sucks… I've mentioned this before, right?"
 
I shook my head in the negative.
 
"I didn't? Well… Anyway, he makes it up to me by giving me a credit card
without a limit, and I take advantage of it occasionally." She beamed a smile
at me as she held up a matching costume at last. "This'll work great, won't
it?"
 
I couldn't help but stare at her, for just a few seconds. Her dad gave her an
unlimitedcredit card…? Was the man insane? And all because they had 'issues'?
Must have been nice… Also explained a bit more about her lifestyle… So
expensive, so carefree. Had he given her the shiny Lexus, too, in an effort to…
what? Bring them closer together? Keep her out of his hair? I had no idea, and
I had no way of asking that wasn't too personal. I had a right to know things,
but not that much…
 
She snatched the costume out of my hands and hurried away to the register
before I could get a word of protest out.
 
I still tried. "Hey!"
 
Setting the articles on the counter, she flipped her hair over her shoulder.
"Relax, Sora, it's not a big deal. Trust me, Daddy's an asshole. It's the
leasthe can do." She opened up her wallet from her purse and pulled out her
credit card. The thing was black. I noticed she had a French manicure, but only
because she had to struggle to get the card out.
 
"Do you think they have a blaster?"
 
I was surprised yet again.
 
She noticed the look on my face. "What?"
 
"I didn't think you knew Star Wars terminology."
 
Her smile, then, was secretive, and it made the brown of her eyes glitter.
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Sora." The way she said it
was highly suggestive.
 
I couldn't help it. I blushed.
 
"Will this be all for you today?" the check-out girl asked, and I looked at
her, grateful for a distraction. And a distraction was most certainly what I
got. It was that girl—from Tidus's party weeks ago. The one who had seemed so
familiar. I'd recognize the crazy green of her eyes and the tilt of her hair at
the ends anywhere.
 
My eyes flew to her nametag. Selphie…
 
I looked at her again. This time, she was looking back, and we held gazes.
Where didI know her from…? She didn't go to our school… did she? I had never
seen her there… But still… This wasn't the second time I'd laid eyes on her,
and at the party, it hadn't been the first. We'd had encounters before. Plenty
of them. I could feelit. But where? When?
 
God, this was crazy, the sense of nostalgia that took me then.
 
"It's not your fault," she said.
 
My heart gave a strange twist in my chest. It was violent, and it was painful,
and I clutched at it, staring at her. Suddenly, I just felt… so upset, like all
the wind had been knocked out of me. Tears burned at the backs of my eyes, and
I—I… I didn't know. Why was I like this? It was like she'd ripped my heart out,
too, while she was at it.
 
And I wasn't only upset—there was… real guiltthere, too. I hadn't doneanything,
though.
 
Tears slipped warm down my cheeks, and I couldn't keep them back. I hadn't felt
this… out of sorts in a long time. Out of sorts meaning out of control. Had I
finally lost it? Had the build-up of the last few weeks taken its toll on me?
Whywas I so sad? So regretful… so apologetic… so… guilty…
 
Selphie leaned forward across the counter, her eyes earnest. "I have something
really important to tell you," she said.
 
I blinked slowly, not really looking at her, seeingher and not absorbing what I
was looking at. I sniffled, and I held onto my heart. "Like what…?" I heard
myself ask, as if from a distance.
 
She opened her mouth, and I saw her lips move… but I heard nothing, only a
whisper. Why was she whispering? Of course I wouldn't be able to hear that.
 
My odd pain momentarily forgotten, I leaned in closer to her as she had just
done to me. Maybe I'd hear her better this way. "What?" I said. "You're
speaking too soft."
 
Her brows pinching together in puzzlement, her lips moved again, with still
hardly a wisp of a sound.
 
"I'm sorry," I said, bracing myself a bit, because I knew she was going to get
annoyed if I had to keep asking her to repeat herself. But really, she could
talk louder… "I—could you please say that again?"
 
She did.
 
"I—I can't… understand…" I let out a sigh and put my hand to my forehead. "You
keep whispering." I turned my head, putting my ear near her mouth. I really
didn't understand why she didn't just raise her voice more. This was weird.
"One more time?"
 
Her breath blew over my ear. I knew her lips moved. I heard it—the whisper
again… but so faint… barely there… almost like static in my ears… how was it
possible? How could she be speaking so softly? Something was wrong. I could
feel it in the way my skin prickled. Something was about to happen. Something
strange. Again.
 
I drew back to look at her. Utter frustration creased her face, her hands
clenched into fists. She stomped a foot. Her lips moved rapidly, widely, like
she was yelling.
 
Nothing—only… static…
 
"I can't hearyou, I'm sorry!" This was so bizarre. What was going on? Why
couldn't I hear her? Why couldn't she speak louder?
 
She waved her hands abruptly, then began to rummage around the register. A
moment later, and she held up a pen and a notepad. Purposefully, she uncapped
the former and touched its tip to the festively orange paper.
 
"This…"she wrote. "…is…"
 
Everything went dark.
 
I blinked. Rebecca, the girl behind the counter, smiled at me and shook her
bangs out of her eyes. Her flaxen black hair was pulled into a ponytail, and I
watched it bob a little as she leaned across the counter. A gleam came to her
eyes, like she was about to tell me something super exciting.
 
"I have something really important to tell you."
 
"Like what…?" I murmured.
 
"Well," she said, drawing back and looking at both me and Rinoa. "There's a
really good super rental deal going on right now since it's Halloween! You're
going to save twenty percent today!"
 
"Oh, how nice is that!" Rinoa chirped. "Sora, twenty percent. Maybe coming in
here last minute wasn't so bad, after all."
 
I opened my mouth automatically to make a quip about how twenty percent was
such a big deal when she had an unlimited credit card and a father-figure to
piss off… but… I didn't. Something seemed amiss. Hadn't there been… someone
else behind the counter…? This felt so… familiar… Was I—was I going crazy…?
 
Rinoa got our things, with a blaster, and we left, the doors jingling on our
way out.
 
I just didn't get it. Rinoa hadn't noticed anything strange at all… again. So
clearly it was just something weird going on with me. Not that that bit of
knowledge made me feel any better. Quite the opposite. It was unsettling,
thinking you were going insane. Who could possibly find comfort in that?
 
Should I have mentioned it? But—I didn't know her thatwell, and really,
couldyou know someone well enough to say you were seeing things? I didn't want
her to think I was crazy… make her tell Squall to avoid me because of how weird
I was… yeah… that wouldn't be cool at all.
 
We climbed into the Lexus. I inhaled the new car smell. We buckled up, Rinoa
plugged in her iPod. We rolled out.
 
Had there been a girl there… or hadn't there…?
 
And I couldn't even remember her name…
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Squall took one look at his outfit and put a hand to his forehead, his other
going to his hip. His mouth was a terse frown. Rinoa exchanged a glance with
me, and I shrugged. It had been heridea for his costume… he could take his beef
up with her. I'd just go stand over by the window and fuss with my own.
 
The party was in an hour and a half, so we really had to start getting ready
soon. Well… Rinoa did. I doubted it would take Squall or myself that long to
get assembled. Half an hour, tops. Unless one of us showered… a shower sounded
good… God, it had been a long day. Shower it was. All my stuff was over here,
anyway, to spend the night. I didn't want to sneak into the house whenever I
got home later from the party. Not that Mom or Dad would really get woken up—I
just didn't want to risk it.
 
Not to mention, it was my first time spending the night with Squall…
 
It was a thrill all on its own. I didn't think anything was going to
happen—nothing hadhappened since… the Incident… but it had only been a week,
and I didn't want to push it. I'd go with the flow. And if Squall said I could
stay the night at his place, then that was what I was going to do. Hoping for
more? Maybe. With Squall, though, nothing was ever as simple as it seemed. His
moods changed with the wind. Nothing was set in stone until it happened.
 
At least, that was how I felt.
 
I could see that Rinoa was struggling in her wheedling with Squall, so I piped
in. "Rinoa wanted us to match—and it was all that was really left for it…"
 
He sighed and didn't say anything, just sort of frowned at the costume. How the
heck were we going to convince him to wear it? Honestly, it wasn't that big of
a deal. He'd look fine. Or maybe he'd prefer my costume more? But it wouldn't
fit him… I was way too short…
 
"C'mon, it's fine!" Rinoa finally said, and she threw her hands up in the air.
"Han Solo is sexy. You'resexy. What's the problem again?"
 
Strangely enough, that settled it. Squall waved her aggressively toward the
door, then picked up the costume and turned to me. "I need to change."
 
As Rinoa zipped out the door, hiding a gleeful smile, I hesitated. Oh—I was
supposed to go? I'd seen… most of everything, though…
 
"Are you staying here or going to the bathroom? I gotta close the door…" he
elaborated. Sometimes, Squall could be astute at expressions. Not always, no,
but this time, he was, and I was happy for it.
 
"I'll stay here," I said.
 
Like I was going to lose out on a chance to see Squall's body…
 
===============================================================================
 
Nothing. Happened.
 
I mused on this as we drove to the party, Rinoa in the front passenger seat,
Squall driving, and me in the back. My forehead was pressed against the glass,
and I had my borrowed light saber from Rinoa—of all people—loosely in my lap.
It was blue. When questioned about it, she'd just given me a knowing wink. What
was with her being so salacious today?
 
At any rate, this wasn't the cause of my distress, not by far. Rinoa didn't
distress me. What diddistress me was the fact that… Squall had seemed so
interested in me at first, seemingly wanting to pin me to the nearest surface
at every available moment, and then… I made the first move, and nothing.
Nothing more than brief pecks on the lips for the last week. Not that I got to
see him all the time or anything, but…
 
Had I done something wrong? It had been mutual… we'd both…
 
We'd even laid in bed for a good hour afterward. He'd put on some music, and
we'd dozed briefly, his arm loose around my waist as I curled my back up to his
chest. It had been nice. I'd felt better about most everything. The guilt had
even left me for a time. And for—what? Nothing. This weird… distance.
 
He wasn't pulling away or anything. He still let me touch him, and he touched
me. He just… withdrew sexually…?
 
Why?
 
I gave a quiet groan of frustration.
 
"I am soexcited about this party," Rinoa was saying animatedly, her hands
fluttering through the air. Her costume, in case you were wondering, was just a
very dressed-up version of herself. Unfair? Tell me about it.
 
Squall was silent as he drove. This didn't hinder Rinoa in the least. It never
did.
 
I bit at my lip worriedly. I wasn't sure who all was going to be at the party,
and I just hoped that it didn't make me feel awkward to be there the whole
time. I was normally all right at socializing… maybe… sometimes… if I knew they
weren't friends of Riku, I could… Yeah… I'd be fine. Besides, I had Squall.
Social… king… that he was…
 
Oh, Christ, I was doomed.
 
"I hear he throws really good parties, you know!"
 
I lifted my head in curiosity. "Who?"
 
"My boyfriend," she gushed, clapping her hands together once.
 
What?
 
I tilted my head. "The guy you're dating?"
 
"He's officially my boyfriend now, though!"
 
I hesitated, thinking that through. Surely this couldn't be the same guy…
"Haven't you guys only been seeing each other for two weeks?" It wasn't
unusual, I supposed, to jump into a relationship so soon. Squall and I weren't
far off the mark.
 
But then—
 
"We're so in love…" She sighed, that dreamy, whimsical sigh that girls gave
when their minds went off in la-la land.
 
I didn't even know what to say. Fortunately, I was saved by having to respond
by the sound of a phone ringing. It was Rinoa's, and she answered it on the
second ring with a cheerful hello. I leaned back in my seat and sighed, my
thoughts wandering back to Squall and how the sexual portion of our
relationship had grown stagnant.
 
Maybe I could talk to him about it…
 
Maybe he'd open up about this…
 
Maybe…
 
He was letting me stay the night that night. That had to be a good sign, right…
?
 
Ten minutes later, we pulled into our destination's driveway. I could hear
music thumping even from in the car. Halloween décor was everywhere, pumpkins,
ghosts, and cats lit up in the yard, orange lights lining the roof of the house
and twined through the bushes. Ghosts dangled from tree branches and blew in
the autumn wind. Dead leaves that hadn't been raked yet littered the lawn in
places.
 
We got out, and Rinoa squealed and ran for the door. Squall and I followed at a
more sedate pace, and I let my eyes wander up. The house was two stories, like
most of the ones around here. I could see lights on in the bedroom upstairs.
 
I almost ran into a car parked haphazardly, and I veered around it. There were
lotsof cars. In the driveway, in the street… Lots of people. Maybe I'd
recognize someone? Surely I had to, with so many people here… Then again, maybe
not. I was of a different age group, and these were likely all college kids.
 
The front door opened just before Rinoa got there, and I watched as she gave an
extra burst of speed into her rush forward and… Seifergreeted her, pulling her
into his arms. I gaped in shock. Seifer was her boyfriend? Her "love"? The host
of the party? The guy she'd been gushing about for two weeks straight?
 
Over Rin's shoulder, Seifer's eyes caught sight of me. I froze next to Squall,
awkward as hell and wondering if I should make some excuse and leave. I could
walk home. Maybe. It'd take hours, but I could do it. Anything to avoid another
scene like in the hallway against the lockers. I sodid not want that drama
right now.
 
"Seifer, I'm so happy to see you!" Rinoa gave the athlete a kiss and an even
tighter hug.
 
He relaxed into her, smiling with a return kiss, then gave me a nod. You know
the one. The man nod. "Happy Halloween, punk," he said, and he led Rinoa away
inside without a further word to me. Wow. That was it? Tension dissolved just
like that… And all it took was the presence of a vagina.
 
"What's wrong?" Squall murmured.
 
I gave a slow shake of my head. "I know that guy… He goes to school with us."
Us being Riku and me. I referred to 'us' a lot sometimes… "He's a senior."
 
Squall's eyebrows rose.
 
We stood there for several moments, neither of us saying anything, staring at
the door where Rinoa had disappeared through it, both of us pondering the same
thing: why was Rinoa dating a high schooler, and did she know? … She hadto
know…
 
"We should go in," Squall said at last.
 
I nodded. "Yeah…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
As it turned out, I didknow everybody. I had no idea where Rinoa had gone with
Seifer, so I trailed through the people, saying hello every now and then.
Thankfully, most people were in costume. Seifer hadn't been, but whatever.
Other people were, so I wasn't the only one dressed up, and soI didn't feel
like an outsider. Not any more than usual, anyway.
 
My classmates, however, seemed to be forgiving tonight. Maybe it was the
presence of Squall at my side. Either way, no one cast me any sneers. The
rumors going around school about Riku and me were really getting old… Guys
still didn't talk to me most of the time, and girls didn't know what to make of
me.
 
In the dining room, treats were set up on the table. Decorations spilled from
every corner, and there weren't any actual lights lit, only festive lamps here
and there to create an ambiance. The music was loud, so loud I almost couldn't
hear myself think. I ignored that fact for the moment and trailed closer to the
table.
 
Candy of all kinds, rice krispy treats with red and orange in them, chips…
buckets of ice, bowls of punch. Soda cans, soda bottles. Liquor, but of course
there was liquor. It was Seifer. I wondered if his parents knew about the
alcohol part, and I decided it wasn't my problem if they didn't.
 
There were some people I didn't know, some who looked older. College, like
Rinoa and Squall?
 
We drifted into the next room. We had to get through the hallway to do so, and
people milled about there, blocking the way. I spotted a few freshmen. Their
eyes were wide with excitement. Their first real party. I could still remember
when Riku had taken me to mine. I'd wound up spending the evening in the
cupboard under the stairs until he'd found me and taken me home. No one had put
me there. I'd just wanted to hide.
 
Our feet touched the living room carpet, and I looked up. There was a big
screen TV against the far wall. A video game was on. Football, it looked like.
Yeah. Raijin was on the couch with a few people, Fuu right next to him. As we
watched, Raijin lost the round, and he was really into it. He got up, his arms
flailing as he protested his rage.
 
"RAGE!" Fuu said, and she kicked a leg out to connect with his knee, I presumed
to shut him up.
 
The people loitering around her laughed, and she flushed and settled down.
 
I spotted plenty of people from ROTC in there. Must have been some of Fuu's
friends.
 
All in all, this wasn't too bad—that is, until I came back into the hallway and
heard someone shouting my name in excitement.
 
I whirled. It was Tidus.
 
Tidus was here?
 
He ran up to me, his eyes bright. "Hey, Sora! Man, awesome!" He was so
enthusiastic in his greeting that I had to fight not to blush. I didn't want
the guy to know I had a crush on him, and this sowasn't helping.
 
"Hey, Tidus…" I said nervously. I wasn't used to seeing him without Riku at his
side. It was maybe one of the only times we'd ever spoken to one another
without him there.
 
Geh! What was I doing? I had Squall here with me! No time to get all giddy over
the hot blond boy.
 
"Man, Riku's going to be soexcited!" Tidus exclaimed. "He said you weren't
coming!"
 
Riku?
 
Why would Riku—
 
Waitaminute.
 
Seifer… hosting the party… Seifer… on the basketball team… Riku… mentioning a
party he wanted me to go with him to… everyone from school here… Rinoa… dating
Seifer… Rinoa… wanting to go to his party… inviting Squall and me… me…
 
OH, GOD!
 
No!
 
No, no, no! This couldn't be happening, this could notbe happening!
 
I was so dead—
 
My eyes flickered to the right. Riku was already approaching us, engrossed in a
conversation with someone. They parted ways with a playful slap to Riku's
shoulder, and then he came to stand by Tidus. For a second, I thought I was
safe. Riku seemedokay… Then his eyes landed on me, and they did so with such
frostiness that I was reminded of the time Kairi had confronted him in the
hallway.
 
It was the Glare.
 
The Glare that said I was dead meat later.
 
That I was on the Shit List.
 
Damn it. I hated being on Riku's shit list… Sometimes it was okay, but not now,
not with something like this.
 
I strived to remember my resolution from earlier in the week. That I didn't
care what Riku thought. That I didn't need him, or his approval. But when he
was looking at me like that, like he was going to skin me alive, like I had
done a great disservice to our friendship, it was so, so hard not to feel
ashamed with myself.
 
Then he smiled, a brilliant one that showed his teeth and could have made girls
swoon at his feet should they see it.
 
"Sora," he said. "You made it."
 
There was no excuse for me to make. None at all.
 
"Um," I said, the one noise garbled.
 
"Hey, Tidus, there's some dessert in the fridge that Seifer said we could have
some of. It's some leftover cake or something." Riku put his arm around Tidus's
shoulders, and he guided him away, just like that, just like I wasn't even
important enough to warrant a conversation with him. He snubbed me, just like
that, in front of everyone.
 
I wanted to say something about it—defend myself… but how could I…?
 
Don't do this, Sora,I thought furiously. It's not your fault you don't like
going to parties with him. Remember all your reasons!
 
They seemed so petty right now, with Riku angry at me… I hated that part of
myself, the part that, no matter what, couldn't stand Riku being so lividwith
me.
 
"Do you need a drink?" I asked, turning to Squall. "I'm thirsty. What do you
want?"
 
"A Coke's fine," Squall replied.
 
I nodded and hurried off.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
I was done with my Coke, and Squall was halfway through with his. We'd found a
wall to lean against, and we hadn't said much. Mostly, I did all the talking,
except right then, my thoughts were whirling toward Riku. Sometimes, I could
hear him laughing from somewhere deep in the house. It made me ache. I hated
this. I hated that I cared.
 
How the hell was I going to get my mind off him?
 
Drinking seemed appealing… No, stupid idea. It hadn't gone so well the last
time.
 
"I'm going to get another soda," I said, "and maybe some food. Want to come?"
Anything to take my mind off Riku. I couldn't standthis.
 
But Squall shook his head. "I'll wait here."
 
Guess that settled that…
 
I wanted to say something, but I was so out of sorts that I didn't. I pivoted
and headed back to the dining room on my own again. I had to push a few people
out of my way who wouldn't budge. Without Squall by my side, everyone seemed
more reluctant to move. It was getting ridiculous, and it wasn't helping my
peeved/guilty mood at all.
 
I bent into one of the ice buckets for a Coke, and my fingers knocked into a
set of slender ones. I blinked and looked up, preparing to apologize—and
halted. It was… that girl… from Tidus's party… I—
 
I blinked again, disoriented. Why did I feel so weird? Why did I feel like I'd
seen her since then…? I had, hadn't I…? I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking
really hard. When I opened them again, she was still there. But why wouldn'tshe
be…?
 
Oh!
 
A flash crept through my mind, and I struggled to hold onto it. It was ready to
dash out of my grasp again, to the depths of my brain. I wouldn't let it. I
held on tight, no matter how much it wriggled. I pulled at it like a thread,
telling myself, come on, come on, come on… What was it…? It was right there,
the answer, right within reach…
 
I jerked my head up. The girl! At the shop! Selphie—
 
A secretive smile crossed her mouth. "I didn't expect you to kick me out."
 
"Huh?" Kick her out? But… she'd… gone…? "What are you talking abou—"
 
"It won't matter." She gave a slow shake of her head and presented me with the
Coke I hadn't yet grabbed. "I'll be gone again soon, anyway. Go give your drink
to the… to your… friend. We'll talk again."
 
She shoved me gently away from her, and I stumbled forward. I glanced over my
shoulder to protest—
 
She was gone.
 
Again!
 
But this time, I remembered. This time, there wasn't another girl there to hand
me a soda again.
 
I had to get out of here, I decided. This was too stifling, too weird, and I
didn't have anyoneto talk to about it, except maybe Kairi, and she'd made it
clear she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Squall probably wouldn't
mind. He wanted to leave, too, I could tell. I'd do that, then. I'd find him,
and—
 
He was in the same spot I'd left him. Judging by the closed-off expression on
his face, I was right. He was ready to beat it.
 
"Let's go," I said.
 
Relief flashed briefly over his face, and he gave me a grateful nod. It
surprised me. I'd never seen him vulnerable before. Not that this was
vulnerable, just… more open to what he was actually feeling. He hadn't been
afraid to let me see it. Warmth swelled in me at that realization.
 
What had I been upset about? Something about… a girl… right…? Just then…?
Passing out soda… but I hadn't known her… Had I…?
 
===============================================================================
 
 
We couldn't find Rinoa anywhere downstairs. We split up at one point to do it,
and we both came back empty-handed. That left upstairs. We nodded, and as one,
we piled up there. A couple was making out halfway up the stairs, and they cast
us annoyed looks as we pushed through them. I bit back an equally annoyed
response. Theywere blocking the way… but it wasn't worth it to fight with them
over it.
 
The first door to the right had light on beneath it, so we checked there first.
Immediately, I whirled back around and slapped a hand over my eyes.
 
"Rinoa," Squall said, and his voice was hard as ice.
 
She'd been in Seifer's lap, her shirt off and his hand up her bra.
 
"What?" I heard her say, the single word almost… slurred? Was she intoxicated?
Great…
 
"We're leaving," Squall said, in that same tone. It sent shivers down my spine.
I did notwant to piss him off. But I had the feeling he wasn't mad at her…
"Let's go."
 
"No," she retorted, a little heatedly, "I'm staying here with Seifer. It's
okay. You can go home without me." I imagined her giving her usual dismissive
hand-wave. I didn't want to brave looking to see if I was right.
 
I glanced to my right. Squall's expression was thunderous.
 
"…Let's go, Rinoa," he said, and now he sounded awfully quiet. Like one wrong
word, and he was going to snap. Possibly Seifer's neck.
 
"Dude—back off," came Seifer's deep voice a moment later. "She says she's fine.
I've got it, okay?"
 
Squall growled her name low in his throat, completely ignoring the blond
athlete. "Rinoa."
 
"Dude," Seifer snapped, "I said go."
 
Squall turned in his direction. I would have paid to see Seifer's expression in
that moment—would have betted it was a nice shade of red edging toward purple.
But I couldn't look. Not if I wanted to be scarred again.
 
"Are you legal?" Squall demanded.
 
"I just turned eighteen a month ago. What are you, her dad?" Seifer sneered.
 
Lightning flashed through Squall's eyes. I could tell he was a second away from
putting his fist through the blond's face. "No, but—"
 
I tugged at Squall's arm, worried that maybe they really were about to fight.
"Squall, we should go… come on…" I tugged a second time, and this time, maybe
because he sensed the wisdom in my words, his feet relented, and he stumbled
back with me. With a last growl, he stalked away from the room.
 
"I love you, Sora!" Rinoa called out after me. "You're so cute!"
 
Perhaps there was one plus to this. With Rinoa as Seifer's girlfriend, he
wouldn't want to piss her off by being mean to me.
 
As we made our way back downstairs, Squall looked agitated as hell and ready to
hit something. He was really protective of Rinoa, it didn't take a blind man to
see that. My throat closed up, and I wondered what I could say to make him feel
better. Was there anything? Rinoa always did it so effortlessly… but she was
upstairs there with Seifer now, and the cause of his worry…
 
But I was his boyfriend, damn it, I could do something.
 
"It'll be fine," I said, in as reassuring a voice as I could muster. "Seifer's
not that bad a guy—he's… he doesn't want to blow his basketball career, he
can't do anything or he's off the team. It'll be cool. He's clean, he's got
good grades, he…" What was I even saying? I really disliked that guy. Argh.
 
Do it for Squall, Sora!
 
"Really, it'll be cool," I said again, because I couldn't think of anything
else that wouldn't show my insincerity.
 
The front door opened as we neared it, and Hayner spilled in, Olette with him
and tugging at his arm. I stared at them blankly. What the heck were they doing
here? Neither of them was dressed up, just in their casual wear. Hayner with
his spiky blond hair in disarray at the moment, his brown eyes glancing
furtively over the gathered occupants of the party. Olette, tucking a strand of
chocolate brown hair behind her ear and biting nervously at her lips.
 
They were so out of place.
 
A few people were already starting to whisper and point.
 
"We shouldn't be here…" I heard Hayner say warily.
 
"Come on, Hayner, let's just apologize," Olette said in a fierce whisper.
 
Olette… Kairi had made out with her behind the bleachers. Olette—was she close
to Kairi, and I somehow hadn't ever known? Maybe I could talk to her later, ask
her if she'd heard from her, if there was anything I could do to get back in
Kairi's good graces…
 
"They're upstairs," I said, coming to stand in front of them. Squall was a step
behind me. "First door on the right." I couldn't help but smirk a little bit at
that, thinking of how this was about to rain all over Seifer's parade.
 
Hayner hesitated, gave me a curt nod, and then headed upstairs with Olette in
tow. I took that as my cue to leave.
 
"It'll be fine," I said again to Squall, because he was being so quiet it was
starting to make me panic a little, "won't it?" Then an awful thought occurred
to me, and I wondered why I hadn't read Squall's protectiveness right minutes
before. "…Squall, is Rinoa a vir—"
 
"Yes, " he said frostily.
 
"Whoa!" I grabbed onto his elbow. We had to go back! Get her out of there! She
did notwant Seifer as her first time! It had only been two weeks, she was
drunk, and Seifer would take full advantage of it! I'd march in there, grab
Rinoa, sans bra by now no doubt, and deal with it. Boobs freaked me out, but I
could handle it long enough to help her get into her clothes.
 
I wasn't sure what I'd do about Seifer yet, but—
 
"What are we doing? C'mon, let's go back inside and get—"
 
"Sora!" It was Riku, and he was very clearly drunk. He was staggering a little,
and he leaned against the doorframe, a plastic cup in his hand. He laughed a
little bit at himself.
 
Oh, freaking… great…! Just what I didn't need to deal with right now!
 
Riku pointed at Squall, and all the friendly cheer left his face. "I don't like
you."
 
Squall, already covered in a dark shroud of quiet rage from the scene upstairs,
narrowed his eyes. Another chill gripped my spine, more tightly than before.
Oh, crap. I had to dissolve this situation, and fast. Squall was looking for a
fight! And he was about to get one, because I knew Riku, and—
 
No time to think! Act!
 
"Riku!" I scolded, and I grabbed onto Squall's arm again. "C'mon, Squall, let's
go. It's not worth it. He's just a dick."
 
Tidus popped up at Riku's side, out of breath and expression twisted in worry,
and I could see that he, at least, wasn't drunk. Or he didn't look like it. I
was betting on the former. "Yeah, Riku, come on, let's go back inside…" He
touched Riku's elbow.
 
Riku jerked it away. "No, Sora, let me talk to him." He licked his lips,
tossing his cup to the side and splashing his drink on the grass. He pushed
away from the door and strolled forward. This time he made it without
stumbling. "You keep hiding him from me."
 
"Riku—"
 
"Leave it, Sora!" he snarled, his eyes on Squall only. He didn't even so much
as glance in my direction. "It's about time we had a little chat, huh?" A cruel
smirk curled his mouth, and it wasn't pretty. He pushed on Squall's shoulders,
hard enough that Squall staggered a little bit. "You think you're better than
me, huh?"
 
Squall bristled, regaining his balance, his hands clenching into fists.
 
"WHOA, OKAY!" Tidus exploded. He grabbed Riku's bicep and firmly yanked back.
"Calm down, Riku!"
 
"What the hell, Riku, leave him alone!" I cried. God, what the hell was wrong
with him? I knew he could be an ass when he was drunk, but—
 
Riku's feet caught on the threshold, and he grasped at the doorframe again. His
eyes were murderous. Tidus pushed at his shoulders impatiently to prod him on
back inside.
 
"Come on, Squall, let's leave," I said. Squall set his jaw, his eyes holding
Riku's. "Squall!" I pleaded.
 
His eyes flashed up to mine, but he nodded, and we left to head to the car.
 
"DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, SORA!" Riku screamed after me.
 
"C'mon, Riku, get inside…"
 
I flinched, ignoring him. Riku actually sounded… hurt. But he was trashed.
Andhe'd attacked Squall. I couldn't afford to feel sorry for him.
 
We got in the car without a word and peeled out of the driveway. Squall was
driving faster than I would have liked. I was too afraid to say anything about
it, and just stayed hunched down in my seat. Oh, God, what a disaster this
night had been.
 
"Did you still want to spend the night, or do you want to go home?" Squall
asked gruffly.
 
"I'll stay…" I said in a quiet voice, and no further words were exchanged.
 
Could nothing go right anymore?
 
Or was it all doomed to keep falling apart on me?
***** Losing His Cool *****
I opened my eyes groggily. Squall's alarm clock red that it was near noon, and
I rolled onto my back, stifling a groan. I shut my eyes again, since they felt
heavy, and tried to get my thoughts in order. What had gone on last…? Oh,
right… Seifer's party.
 
Already knowing I'd find an empty spot beside me, I spread out my arm. The
sheets were cool. Squall had gone downstairs shortly after we'd gone to bed,
and he hadn't come back. I'd known without asking that he'd been waiting for
Rinoa to show up. She hadn't.
 
I'd been surprised he hadn't gone back to go and get her, but when I asked
about it, he'd given me a gruff, "It's her problem now." He'd said his piece.
That was all there was to it. And seeing as how I'dbeen too rattled from the
run-in with Riku, and hadn't even thought about her again until we were a good
ways away, and thenbeen too afraid to bring it back up until we were at home…
It was just as much my fault as his if something happened.
 
Pushing the covers back, I slid from Squall's bed and stretched until my back
popped in three places. I scooped up my toothbrush and paste from my things,
then headed into the bathroom for a shower. I took my time in there, musing
once again over the events of the night before. What had happened after we'd
left? Hayner had been there, and Rinoa was a virgin… Had she given it up to
Seifer? Had she never gotten a chance to, what with Hayner presumably
interrupting? There was no way to know until she got home and I could ask.
 
"DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, SORA!"
 
I flinched and squeezed my eyes shut, pushing my head under the hot stream of
water. Riku was probably back to not talking to me. Don't let it bother you,I
told myself for the thousandth time. But he'd sounded so… hurt… Even though
he'd had no right to shove Squall like that, I…
 
I shook my head free of the thought and turned off the water. Soap suds got
whisked away down the drain. Steam rose in clouds when I opened the shower
door, and the mirror was too fogged up for me to see through it. I shivered in
the cold air and wrapped a towel about me quickly, goosebumps on my flesh.
 
Downstairs, I heard the front door slam. Rinoa was home finally?
 
I rushed to towel my hair dry and throw on my clothes. I nearly broke my neck
when I was tugging on my pants and my foot caught the hem and I slipped. Skinny
jeans were really hard to work on when your legs were still wet. It involved
lots of hopping around, lots of pulling as hard as you could to make the denim
move.
 
Finished with that, out of breath, I threw on a graphic T Riku had given me a
year ago. I ruffled my towel through my hair and ventured back into Squall's
bedroom to pull on fresh socks and my Birkenstocks. I put my scarf around my
neck, too, and left it unwound for now, and my jacket over my things. I had to
go soon, I had some studying to do before a test the next day, but I could stay
a few minutes longer. Be nosy, figure out if Rinoa was okay.
 
Halfway down the stairs, I stopped with my hand on the wall, blinking slowly.
Had I just heard raised voices…? Oh, no, were they fight—
 
"I don't know what you wantfrom me, Squall!" A pot slammed into the sink, or
that's what it had sounded like.
 
I took another step down, very quietly, straining my ears. Squall said
something. I couldn't make it out, it was too soft. Geeze, though, Rinoa was
upset. What about? Was she mad we hadn't gotten her? Mad Squall was being
protective? It could be anything.
 
"No, you'rethe one who didn't want to do this!" she retorted with enough venom
in her voice that I was glad I wasn't in Squall's position at the moment.
 
Do what?One more step down, then skipping another to avoid the creak it would
give. I didn't want them to know I was there. Something said to listen, that I
needed to, and I was going to heed that advice, that sliver of intuition.
Eavesdropping was bad, they said. Nothing good could ever come of it.
 
But Rinoa—
 
Squall murmured something else. I could make out his profile at the kitchen
table. He was sitting, and his hand waved through the air. Rinoa whirled on
him, her eyes brown fire, dark smudges beneath them. Not enough rest the night
before? Hungover? Either wasn't something I wanted to contemplate.
 
Her make-up was mostly gone, and her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail.
It was the first time I'd seen it up. She always wore it down, let it hang
naturally. It didn't need much work, and it was already thick and lustrous. I
didn't blame her. Still, now she definitely looked like she'd woken up on the
wrong side of the bed. It was startling. I didn't think I'd ever seen her
without make-up before.
 
"I toldyou how I felt!" she growled.
 
…what…?
 
"Youdidn't say anything!" She walked over to the cabinet, wrenching it open,
slamming it shut when she couldn't find what she was looking for. She put a
hand to her forehead, her eyes squeezed shut. "Where's the damn aspirin?! What
did we do with it last! God, my head's killingme…"
 
I could feel my eyes widening in shock as the knowledge of what she had said
began to sink in. I leaned heavily against the wall and stared straight ahead.
 
The rattle of a medicine bottle. She'd found the aspirin. "So I assumed…" The
faucet squeaked as it was turned on. Water rushed into a glass. "…that you
didn't want to start anything, so I left it alone, Squall."
 
Squall's voice rose, irritation coloring it. "Maybe you shouldn't have assumed,
then."
 
"What's thatsupposed to mean?"
 
More murmuring. I couldn't make out a thing he was saying. He always did that.
Always spoke below the normal decibel…
 
"No—this isn't myfault! It's yours! If you wanted me, you should have
saidsomething!" Rinoa's glass settled onto the table with a thud. "So I moved
on, I let you have Sora, and I moved on! Don't get jealous because I didn't—"
 
She trailed off as Squall spoke. I still couldn't make it out. I didn't care. I
didn't need to hear what he was saying. I already knew.
 
"I'm not jealous,"I mouthed.
 
"Yes, you arejealous!" Rinoa replied, and I closed my eyes. Warmth gathered
beneath them. "You waited up all night for me, you just said that!"
 
Squall's chair moved, and in my mind's eye, I saw him rising from it. His hand
slammed against the table. "I was worried—!"
 
"About what? Don't worry, I didn't sleep with him, if that's what you're
wondering!" Rinoa shouted. I flinched again, and I drew in a shaky breath. I
turned, and I started back up the stairs, as quietly as I had come down them.
They couldn't know I was there. They couldn't know I'd heard every single word.
In that moment, if they'd seen my face, they would have known I had.
 
"Rin." Squall's voice, pleading. I had never ever heard him plea for anything,
at least not with me.
 
"Don't," she said, a world of ice in the one word where there had been nothing
but raging fire a moment before. "I'm not doing this right now."  Her footsteps
thudded over the floor, and I beat the last several places into Squall's room.
I crawled into the bed and grabbed a pillow and waited. A second later, her
bedroom door slammed closed.
 
The house grew quiet. My fingers dug into my pillow. Squall never came up the
stairs after her, and I had the thought that maybe, like Riku, he didn't chase,
either.
 
Things were lining themselves up in my head, and for the first time in two
months, there was perfect clarity where there had been none before. God, it had
been right in front of me all along, and I'd just ignored the signs. I'd
ignored them, because, for once, I'd just wanted to be happy. Wasn't I allowed
to be? Ever? Just once…
 
It was like I had initially thought, when I'd first seen them together. They
didn't act like brother and sister. They acted like they were in a
relationship. And that was because, in some way, they were. Squall didn't look
at Rinoa like a sibling… He was pissed the night before because he knew Rinoa
loved him, and he loved her, and she was going to sleep with Seifer. He'd been
able to abide by whatever she wanted for her happiness, for whatever
misunderstanding they had come to, but seeing her with Seifer like that had
drawn the last straw. Like an elderly, concerned brother, he hadn't been
willing to let her make a stupid decision… but, like a friend who harbored more
than platonic feelings, he'd been jealous…
 
He told her everything—he did everything she wanted him to—she got him to smile
and cheer up when no one else could—all the things I'd wanted, that she had all
along… But it wasn't her fault. She couldn't have known. She'd thought, because
Squall hadn't said anything, that he didn't return those feelings she carried.
But Squall was introverted. He didn't talk about how he felt, he…
 
I swiped my palms over my face and shook my head a few good times. Be strong,
c'mon, be strong, Sora. Don't be such a sissy.
 
God, this hurt.
 
Where had I factored into this? Was I just some… sort of experiment? Rinoa had
noticed all my looking, she'd shoved Squall in my direction, and Squall had…
what? Gone along with it to make her happy? Possibly realized, after our tussle
on the bed, that he didn't feel that way for me at all, or couldn't handle
being with a guy like he thought he could? Did it even matter now?
 
No, I supposed, it didn't.
 
I had to do what I needed to do, what I should have done a while ago—what I
should have prevented from starting in the first place…
 
I got out of Squall's bed and put on my jacket and wound my scarf around my
neck. I slung my bookbag over my shoulder and started down the stairs. Behind
me, I heard Rinoa's door open. She said my name in surprise, and I ignored her
and kept on. I had to do this before I lost courage.
 
The kitchen came into view, and I rounded the corner. Squall was where Rinoa
had left him, camped out at the table. He glanced up sharply when he heard me,
and I swallowed. My heart was pounding so fast, it felt like it was going to go
out of control. Some small part of me wished that this could be salvaged, that
I was horribly, horriblywrong about what I had deduced…
 
It had just happened so fast—
 
Or maybe not. It had, after all, been happening the whole time I'd been here,
been with him.
 
Rinoa trailed into the kitchen after me, looking wildly back and forth between
Squall and me. I couldn't look at her, I couldn't, or I'd just lose focus.
 
Do it, Sora. Do it now!
 
"I think…" I said slowly, carefully, and I ignored how thick my voice sounded,
"I'm not the person you should be with…"
 
There. I'd said it. I'd let that horrible weight in my chest out. My heart
could settle down now. Any minute. The tiny flame of hope flickered, and I
licked my lips, watching him. His gray eyes bore into mine and he… he said
nothing. He didnothing. No denial, no questions about what I was talking about,
he—
 
Oh, God, this fucking hurt.
 
I nodded and hefted my book bag on my shoulder more firmly. It was time to go.
I'd done the right thing, I rationalized. I didn't need to stay in a
relationship where I wasn't wanted, where it wasn't going to work out. Because
it wouldn't, if I stayed with him. There was no way it could. He was in love
with Rinoa, and I… I was just the third wheel. The experiment. Kind of like
with Riku.
 
Damn it, I was tired of being treaded over. I wanted to be someone's something.
I wanted someone to look at me and think I want him.No insecurities, no
questions, just… a knowledge, a fact.
 
It wasn't something I was going to get here.
 
I walked outside and made it halfway through the yard before the front door
opened again. For a second, my heart lifted.
 
"Sora!"
 
It was Rinoa.
 
I struggled to breathe and keep my heart in one piece in my chest, in the place
where it should have been, against my ribs.
 
I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed. Then I turned to face her, a half-smile
on my face. I didn't think I couldn't manage more. She was kind enough that she
probably didn’t expect me to.
 
A strong wind came by, carrying the taste of autumn with it. It was so frigid,
I shivered inside of my jacket, pulled it closer. "What?" I said.
 
"I'm—what… what are you doing?" She came to a stop several yards from me and
wrapped her arms about herself. Her eyes were wet, and I pretended not to
notice. I'd have wanted her to do the same for me, in this sort of situation.
 
"I'm giving Squall to you," I replied. It was obvious, yeah, but she needed to
hear it. "You want him." Probably a lot more than me, though I wasn't ready to
admit that to myself yet. There was only one person I wanted, and I'd never get
to have him, so why focus on that? Why not want someone else for a change? Why
not try to find someone that I could love as much as Riku? Was that so wrong?
 
No. It was human.
 
Rinoa's face fell, and she lowered her eyes. "You heard…" I almost didn't hear
it over the next gust. It blew through the yard, tossing crimson leaves about
in its wake. A car rushed past, sending more up into the air. For a moment,
there was a tornado of golds and reds and orange. It was really beautiful. If
nothing else, I could appreciate nature.
 
"You weren't being all that quiet." I laughed to take out the sting that might
have caused, and gave a tiny shrug of my shoulders. Look, see, I'm all right.
 
A guilty flush colored her cheeks. "Sora—you weren't supposed to hear that…"
She took a step toward me, held out a hand, stopped. "It's not… it's not a big
deal, Squall doesn't like me like that—" I could tell that the words were
painful for her to say.
 
I shook my head. "Yes, he does. I've seen it this whole time, I just… didn't
want to see it for what it reallywas…" I was such an idiot… "He cares about you
a lot." A hell of a lot. His behavior last night was indicative of that if
nothing else was. "You should be with him."
 
Her teeth settled onto her lower lip. She wanted to go with what I had to say,
but she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Rinoa was very kind. She didn't like
the idea of upsetting others if she could avoid it. She would, though, in a
heartbeat, if they upset her, but that, to her thinking, was a different story.
 
"But what about you…?"
 
"I'll be fine," I reassured her with more gusto than I felt. "It's not really
all that big of a loss, when I think about it." I had never told such a big
lie. It hurt, really, reallybad, and it was going to take me a little while to
recover from it. Not forever, just… a few days, at the very least. "I mean, he
never opened up to me, anyway…" And he hadn't. That, before anything else, had
nagged me this whole time.
 
If it had seemed doomed to fall apart from the very beginning, why had I
ignored that and rushed relentlessly forward? Was I that desperate to be with
someone, to feel wanted?
 
"For now."
 
"Sora…" Rinoa shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She really didn't
know what to say. I didn't blame her. I couldn't think of much anything to say,
either.
 
Except…
 
"Hey…" She looked up, and I offered another wan smile. "Listen… we can still be
friends, right?"
 
She swallowed.
 
"If there's one thing I got out of this," I pressed, "it's my friendship with
you. I kind of… talked with you more than I did with Squall, anyway." And that
was truer than anything else about this. I tried not to let it bother me.
Greater feats had been had. I could do it. Maybe… later… when the pain wasn't
so raw…
 
A trembling smile touched the corner of her mouth then. "…We did a lot of stuff
together, didn't we?"
 
I nodded. "Yeah, you're great." She was.
 
Her smile strengthened at that, and she nodded back. Her eyes weren't quite so
teary anymore. That was good. I didn't want her upset. "If it's not too weird—"
 
"Nah, it's fine," I said, before she could start on that spiel. I couldn't deal
with it right now. Reassuring someone, that is. Anymore than I already had.
"I'll text you later, okay?"
 
I waved and headed off before she could get anything else out. I felt her eyes
on my back the whole way, but I just stuffed my hands in my pockets and focused
on the dreary clouds up above. I could do this. I felt stronger already. I'd
done what I had to do. Who wouldn't feel glad about that?
 
The wind dried the tears on my face on the way home.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
As I had no one to talk to, the next week passed by in a blur. I was mostly
grateful, somewhat sad. By burying myself in my schoolwork, I didn't have much
time for anything else. My mother was just going to lovemy report card come the
Christmas holidays. I didn't think I'd ever made straight A's in all of my
classes before.
 
At the same time, it bombed. Who wanted to make good grades just because their
social life was in tatters? Kairi was still MIA on the friend radar, Riku was
pissed to kingdom come, he wouldn't even lookat me in passing in the hallways,
and… Rinoa was just too awkward for the moment. Maybe later, but not now, and
definitely not about this.
 
Heck, I didn't even have my parents to talk to, for more than obvious reasons.
I hadn't exactly come out of the closet, and if they suspected, they didn't say
anything about it or act any differently toward me. I would tell them, I would,
eventually… most likely when I wasn't living under their roof anymore. I
trusted my parents, and I knew they loved me, but my mother wanted
grandchildren, and I was her only child. Yeah…
 
Thinking about her disappointment and loss wasn't exactly my problem or
something I could help, no, but she was still my mother. I wasn't going to do
that to her until I couldn't help it.
 
It had to have been the most uneventful, painful week of my life. Who wanted to
be stuck alone with their heartbreak? And I wasn't even a bad person, and I'd
been more or less shunned by the two people I cared about most. This was
unfair! Ridiculous, even. I wanted to scream at them, shake them and demand
what I had done that was so terrible. I'd never lied, never backstabbed! So
what, then, made me such an awful person?
 
What, Kairi, made you not want to talk to me? Because I refused to shunt aside
my best friend since childhood? Because I'd said you were jealous in a moment
where we both being a bit hotheaded? How many times did I have to apologize for
something small and insignificant like that? And if it was still significant to
you, then you needed to let it go already! Life was too short to waste on petty
arguments.
 
And you, Riku, you. What made you think you were above me? What made it so
wrong that I would rather go to a party with my at-the-time boyfriend than you?
Given all the things that happened around you when you were intoxicated—given
what had happened last—given the event you had refusedto talk about on more
than one occasion… All right, then.
 
My two best friends, who were constantly at one another's throats, had
distantly bonded together against me. I honestly hadn't seen it coming. It
hurt, that I couldn't go to either one of them when I was in pain…
 
I should have been honest with Riku, no matter what his problem was. I should
have been the better person, and simply told him the truth of the matter, even
if I hadn't wanted to talk about it at the time, to save strife from happening
later. If I had just been open with him, yeah, he'd still have been mad at me,
but it wouldn't have been quite so bad.
 
And Kairi… I should have never told her she was jealous. No matter what her
reaction now, I knewall the hatred that boiled between Riku and her, and I'd
stepped way over the line.
 
Maybe, in the end, my loneliness was my fault. Maybe not completely, but… I had
to hold myself accountable for some of the blame, didn't I? I just wished that
they would do the same. That they wouldn't pin everything on me.
 
Still… It had been a reallylong time since I'd spoken to Kairi… Really talked
to her, not just pleaded for her to give me the time of day. There had to be
somethingI could do. Surely I hadn't exhausted all of my resources? Riku was a
lost cause until he cooled down a bit, but Kairi…
 
Olette! I could talk to Olette.
 
Now why hadn't I thought of that before? Oh, right, because I hadn't known it'd
get so bad between us…
 
I had to know. I had to know what was driving her away from me. I had to
salvage at least one of my friendships. Kairi deserved it more, and I was still
angry with Riku, so Kairi it would be.
 
I just hoped Olette would actually talk to me. If she didn't, then I had
nothing. All my cards were played.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
To be honest, and I think I mentioned it before, I really didn't know Olette
all that well. We'd had maybe two classes together in our whole lives? She'd
been the quiet girl in preschool through to middle school, and by the time
she'd found decent friends and opened up, I'd been engrossed with Riku and
Kairi.
 
This left me with a bit of a problem. How the heck did I get around to talking
to her? I had no idea what her lunch period was, or any of her classes, or if
she rode the bus home or took a car or if her parents picked her up. I was
pretty clueless. Then I remembered that a friend of hers was a classmate of
mine. Pence!
 
Pence, who knew Hayner, who I didknow.
 
Through the chain, I found out what Olette's lunch period was. It wasn't mine,
which meant that for the first time in my life… I skipped a class. I'd gotten
on to Rinoa about it the Saturday before, and here I was, being a hypocrite.
But this time it was important. It was for Kairi. I'd do what I had to do.
 
Her lunch was second, mine was first. I didn't show up to class to put my
things down, hid out in the library with a pass from a teacher who liked me,
and then moseyed on in to the cafeteria when I knew Olette would be there. I
could only hope that I didn't get into some serious trouble for this later. But
people skipped all the time, right? How bad could it be?
 
I had to hunt for her. She blended in with everyone else pretty well. Finally,
though, I spotted her walking to a table with Pence and Hayner on either side
of her, and, strangely, I felt a jolt go into my heart. One girl, two best guy
friends. It had never been like that between Kairi, Riku, and myself, but maybe
it could've been, if there hadn't been so much bad blood.
 
"Hey," I said, nearing her side right when she had set her tray down and
pulling out a chair. She blinked and looked up at me. "Can we talk…?" I asked
more softly.
 
She hesitated, her throat working in a nervous swallow. In the end, she nodded,
and we made our way outside.
 
Huge gray clouds were drifting overhead, as slowly as possible. They were
heavy, and it made me wonder if it was going to rain. I hoped not. It would be
killer cold. Still, with the trees mostly bare and the nip in the air, it
wouldn't add much to the environment.
 
Olette was apparently thinking along the same lines, at least where the weather
was concerned. "The weather forecast said we're going to get some snow flurries
in the afternoon…" She smiled to herself at that, a pleased little thing. I got
the impression she likedsnow.
 
"Isn't it early?" I asked, willing to keep up the conversation. Anything to
make this less awkward between us. We really didn't know anything about each
other. She'd been willing to talk to me despite that. She was a kind person. If
I hadn't already known that, I'd be under that assumption now.
 
"Why do you say that?" Her breath fogged the air before her.
 
"Well—it doesn't normally snow until after Christmas, I guess…" Not always. It
wasn't a uniform rule or anything. But mostly. I'd lived here all my life, and
that was what I had observed. Sure, we lived in the mountains, but it wasn't
Colorado or anything. I heard they measured snow there infeet, not inches.
 
Olette gave a graceful shrug of those small shoulders. Her frame was so
petite.She was at least an inch shorter than me, and skinny, skinny, skinny. "I
guess we're just lucky this year."
 
I made a face at that. Snow was cold. I hated the cold. It was the downside to
the beauty of the mountains. "Depends on your definition of lucky…"
 
She giggled a little at that, but made no further comment. We walked in
silence, and my eyes roamed over the grounds for a tree. Most everyone was
inside, not willing to brave the frosty temperature. I didn't blame them. I
would have been inside myself, where it was freaking warm. God, I had been
stupid not to take my jacket out here with me.
 
I stuffed my frozen fingers into my pockets as we came to a mutual agreement to
stand under the nearest tree. Like the others, its leaves were gone, leaving it
naked to the cold. I felt sorry for it, but trees probably didn't even notice.
Or if they did, we'd have no way of knowing, except if they started to die or
something… which they didn't. Not usually.
 
Okay, this is weird.
 
I looked over at Olette to distract myself from my thoughts. She wasn't faring
much better than me. Like me, she didn't have a coat with her, and why should
she have thought to bring one? She'd had no idea we were going outside. Maybe
this wasn't such a bright idea…
 
Well, in all actuality, noneof it was bright. I'd skipped class to do this,
after all. But the thing was, I had to fix at least one thingin my life, no
matter what it took. And if I faced detention for it… well, that was minor
compared to everything else going on. It wasn't like I ever got in trouble. Mom
wouldn't kill me. Too badly, anyway.
 
"So…" Olette tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and then wrapped her arms
firmly about herself to ward off the cold. "…What did you want to talk about,
Sora?"
 
I took a breath, let it stream out in more clouds of white. Here went nothing.
 
"Look, Olette, I—Kairi's… reallymad at me lately…" To make an understatement.
"I was just… I—I want to be friends with her again, but she won't talkto me…" I
shook my head, thinking of how to word it. There wasn't really a way, though,
without going into it, and I was sure Olette was already in the know-how, or
else why would I be here? "Is there anything I can do? I mean—you're the only
person I can talk to about this…"
 
She was friends with Kairi. Maybe more. Seemed more. Kairi hadn't ever actually
confirmedthat rumor Riku had started in front of her, but she hadn't denied it,
either.
 
I felt a twinge of loss in my heart. When had Kairi stopped telling me
everything…? It wasn't the first time I'd thought it, and it wouldn't be the
last.
 
Olette's sigh was so sad that I looked up at her. "Oh, Sora…"
 
Well—that…couldn't have been good. Should I have been worried?
 
I bit my lip.
 
Her head shook slowly back and forth. "She tried so hard to forget… I—I tried
to help, but… she didn't want that, either…" Letting out another gust of
breath, she turned and leaned her back against the tree. Her fingers were red
from the bite of the cold.
 
Forget?
 
"Forget?" I echoed my thoughts. "Forget… what?" The anticipation was killing
me! Why was she drawing it out?
 
Surprise flickered through her gaze. "You really don't know?"
 
Okay, if I hadn't before, nowI definitely felt completely out of the loop.
"Know what, Olette?"
 
Honestly, hadn't it been evident that I was clueless? That was why the two of
us were out here, dying slowly from the freezing temperature… My teeth were
already starting to chatter. Olette's weren't, but then, she liked the cold
more than I did. I ran warm-blooded. Give me a tropical setting any time of the
day, and I wouldn't complain ever again.
 
"Kairi, she—she's…"
 
"What is it?" I pressed. Spit it out already!I wasn't rude enough to speak my
thoughts out loud, however, no matter how impatient I was getting.
 
She pushed up from the tree, and out came the words—blurted out, really. "She's
in love with you, Sora!"
 
I stared at her.
 
It was all I could do. All I could think of to do.
 
Kairi… was… in love with me…?
 
Was this some kind of joke…?
 
Olette covered her mouth with her hands, then gave another shake of her head,
this one much faster. "I shouldn't have said anything," she said, the words
muffled by her fingers.
 
But—Kairi… knew… she knew that I was gay… right…? Duh, of course she did… I'd
told her… she knew I was in love with Riku… she knew about Squall, rooted me on
for him…
 
Olette dropped her hands, wincing in guilt. "She'll never forgive me… but… but
you had to know…!"
 
I staggered back against the tree, my mind utterly refusing to comprehend what
she had just told me. There was no way it was true. No way. I would have known,
right? Noticed something. This was just a cruel joke. It had to be. It had to
be.
 
"Just leave her alone for now, all right?" She took my frozen hands in her own,
and now I could hear her teeth chattering where I hadn't before. It was subtle.
"I know you mean well, Sora, and that there's nothing you can do about it—but…
that's just it…"
 
Kairi…
 
In lovewith me…
 
Why wasn't it lining up? Why were the pieces rubbing together and then falling
away without a perfect fit?
 
I honestly had—never seen that coming…
 
"She needs time to move on," Olette was saying. "She can't do it while she's
still your friend… you understand, right?"
 
If I had felt like the world was crashing down around my ears ever a time
before this, I had been wrong. I knew that now, because now I was drowning. I
couldn't breathe. My heart felt so tight. I felt so… naïvefor thinking this
situation couldn't have gotten any worse. And at the same time, I felt like
such an awful person. How hadn't I noticed something like that?
 
"I've got to go…" Olette released my hands and took a step away from me. "I've
got to eat. I'm sorry it came out like this… but… well…"
 
My mind was too numb, my tongue too thick in my mouth, my throat too tight, to
give a response.
 
Olette whirled and ran back inside, her hands rubbing over her arms, visibly
shivering.
 
How long had she…? Had Kairi…
 
I put my hands over my face, and I wasn't sure how long I stood out there. Long
enough to become an ice cube. Not long enough for the bell to ring, so maybe
ten minutes. Eventually, I found the strength to push away from the tree. It
was then that I noticed eyes were on me. Blinking slowly, dazedly, I looked up.
 
Riku was there, on the second floor, his desk near the window. It was the first
time he'd so much as laid eyes on me in a week. He was staring at me pretty
intently. From so far away, I couldn't read his expression.
 
I shook my head and made my way back inside. I couldn't tell exactly through
the cold, but my face felt drained of blood. I was shivering all over, and I
didn't think it was from the nip entirely. No, Kairi had something to do with
it, too.
 
As I walked, the world didn't feel right under my feet, like it was going to
give way any second. I would have let it. Falling would have been preferable to
having to make my feet move, one foot in front of the other.
 
God, how had I missed that…?
 
Kairi…
 
Kairi was in love with me…
 
Kairi was in lovewith me… and I hadn't noticed…
 
Kairi…
 
===============================================================================
 
 
The rest of the day was a haze, much like the last week had been, except worse.
I completely zoned out. One minute, I was showing up extremely late to class
with no real excuse and earning myself my first tardy, the next, the bell to
signify the end of the day was ringing and someone had to nudge me out of my
stupor.
 
I blinked and came to, rattled, realizing that I was staring at where Kairi had
been sitting all period. She was gone now, most of the class was cleared out. I
wasn't sure if that disappointed me or not. I wanted to say something to her,
but… what wouldI say? Not to mention that Olette had said she needed time to
move on… I had to respect that wish, right…?
 
Argh, man, this was too complicated!
 
I resolved to think it over for a couple of days before I tried approaching
her. At least then I would have some idea of what to say. Maybe… I'd be closer
then to a state of non-cluelessness than I was now, at any rate.
 
I rushed to put my things up in my locker so I wouldn't miss the bus, then
shouldered my bag and started outside. I had my coat buttoned all the way up,
and my chin was dipped into my scarf. Anything to escape this god-awful cold.
 
My bus was at the far end, and I got maybe two steps in that direction before
someone grabbed my elbow and began to yank me in the opposite direction. We
stumbled over the grass and around a railing, then toward the direction of the
student parking lot, which would take us around the stadium, cafeteria, and the
greenhouse.
 
"Riku!" I snapped. "Let me go!" What did he want with me?
 
"Shut up, Sora." He gave my arm a particularly hard tug. "Come on."
 
Shut up?
 
Shut up?
 
"Screw you, Riku!" I growled, too frustrated to deal with this crap right now.
With a vicious yank, I reclaimed my arm. "I'm not in the mood—"
 
Riku planted a hand at the small of my back and shoved. I went stumbling
forward several paces. "I'm not mad at you," he said, like that was supposed to
fix everything, make everything better with hearts and rainbows.
 
I wrenched away a second time, then whirled to face him so he couldn't force me
again. "So?" I said aggressively. I didn't think I'd ever been so vicious with
him in my life. But now, if any time at all, I had a right. "I don'twant to
talk to you!"
 
Riku didn't say anything, he just watched me in that eerily calm way he had. He
was waiting me out. Normally I'd apologize for snapping at him so he wouldn't
beat that apology out of me. Not this time. Thistime, I wasn't putting up with
it. It was time to make a stand for myself. Kairi was right. I didn't need
this.
 
Kairi…
 
A good minute passed before I lost my temper. "SAY SOMETHING!" It felt good to
yell, good to rise on my tiptoes and flail my arms about. Good to gnash my
teeth, narrow my eyes. I didn't get to do it often enough, if ever. I was
always the level-headed one. Well, not level-headed, but even-tempered.
 
Except for when I'd told Kairi she was jealous—
 
Oh, God.
 
No wonder!
 
She hadbeen jealous, just not for the reasons I'd thought.
 
After a moment, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and I jerked my
head back up. Riku was shaking his head slowly back and forth.
 
"…Would you rather ride the bus, or have me take you home?"
 
Right at that moment?
 
"Normally, when you weren't mad at me," he said smoothly before I could even
answer. Maybe he'd known what it would be when he'd seen my face.
 
Admittedly, I faltered a little bit. Normally, I would have preferred to take
the car with him than ride the bus any day of the week.
 
Smiling a little, Riku jerked his head in the direction of the student parking
lot. He strode forward without a second glance back. "Come on, Sora."
 
Ugh, no, I couldn't do this. I couldn't cave in. Not right now. He would be
winning, and I'd just made a stand for myself. For once, Ihad to come out the
victor.
 
I turned to go, only… there was one problem. My bus had already left, and the
second load was pulling in.
 
Damn it!
 
Why did this always happen to me? Why did Riku always have to be the one who
came out on top? It just wasn't fair…
 
Groaning inwardly, I stomped back to follow Riku. I was pissed at him, but I
definitely wasn't going to walk home in the freezing cold. No way.
 
As we trailed our way to Riku's car, gentle snowflakes began to drift down,
cementing my decision.
 
Yup, definitely not walking home in this.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
We were quiet most of the way home. I didn't know what to say to him that
wouldn't involve me snapping at him in some fashion, and he wasn't exactly
forthcoming with conversation, either. So I sat there the whole time, angry,
stiff, my hands curled into fists in my lap. It was easier, I thought, to be
angry. I could see now why he enjoyed it so much. When you were angry, you
didn't have to care about what the other person might be feeling.
 
But, eventually, words wormed their way out.
 
"What did you mean by 'for now'?" I said in a tiny, furious voice.
 
Riku shifted gears at a traffic light. "Hm?"
 
Impatience flared. "When I told you I was in a relationship with Squall a
couple of weeks ago—after you… you… well. Anyway. You said 'for now'."
 
"Oh. That."
 
Silence passed between us. Just when I bristled, ready to urge him to continue
in a not-very-nice fashion, he spoke up again with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Well," he said, and his voice was very matter-of-fact, "anyone can see that
your relationship with him is doomed from the start, because how can you be
with someone else and have it workwhen you're in love with me?"
 
I stared hard at my lap for several moments, until my vision blurred and
nothing looked the same. Then I took a deep breath, closed my eyes. Riku, once
again, wasn't saying anything, either. He must have felt like he'd made his
point. Bastard.
 
"I'm not in love with you, Riku," I said, and I wasn't ashamed to note that the
words had a waspish quality to them. A distant part of me told me to calm down,
not to take it out on Riku, not to be so angrywith everything. But right then,
I didn't know how else to handle the shambles my life had become.
 
Everything I knew had become completely rearranged sometime in the last couple
of months.
 
"Whatever, Sora," Riku sighed.
 
My temper piqued again. "Stop the car," I said, not wanting to be in it with
him for another second.
 
"No," he said plainly.
 
"I want to walk home!"
 
"Nope." He shook his head.
 
I growled. It felt good to growl. I could see why everyone did it. "You can't
keep me in the car with you!" Shame we had already rolled away from the traffic
light. I didn't want to do something so dramatic as throw myself out of a
moving vehicle, not that this wasn't already dramatic.
 
"I know how it works, Sora," Riku said. "You get out, you whine and bitch, and
then later Iget bitched at againbecause I letyou."
 
That rankled more than words could say. "I'm not one of your ex-girlfriends,
Riku, I'm a big boy," I said snidely. "I can take care of myself."
 
"Uh huh." He glanced at me.
 
"What is thatsupposed to mean?" I all but spit. I was like a great cat whose
fur had gotten ruffled. I was bristling all over, and if I had had fangs, I
would have been baring them. As it were, my lips were curled back in a snarl. I
was two seconds away from leaping across the small distance that separated us
and cocking him one right in the mouth.
 
"If you can take care of yourself," he said, as though he were oblivious to my
anger, and I knew for a facthe wasn't, "then why do you look so sad?"
 
And, somehow, all at once, that righteous anger drained out of me. I slumped
into my seat, feeling more like myself, if not a little shaken and out of
sorts. How did Riku do that? How did he swing me violently from one emotion to
the next? It was like Rinoa and Squall, I mused. Whenever Squall was in a bad
mood, it was like Rinoa just swooped in and flipped a switch, and Squall just…
wasn't angry anymore.
 
I ignored the pang in my chest in favor of fiddling with my sweatband on my
wrist, underneath the cuff of my coat sleeve.
 
"I was mad at you at first—really mad," Riku admitted quietly. "I didn't like
Squall. But I've thought about it, and… I can't keep you chained to my side
forever. If you want to have a boyfriend, then whatever. You're my best friend,
though. I think it's naturalfor me to get jealous when you start spending time
with someone else instead of wanting to spend time with me."
 
I opened my mouth at that, but once again, Riku beat me to the punch.
 
"And I think it's also natural that you would wantto spend time with someone
else other than me. That's what being in a relationship is all about. There's
someone new, someone exciting. If you don't want to spend time with them, then
something would be wrong."
 
Was Riku honestly having a heart-to-heart with me?
 
"I can be a big boy, too, Sora, and I can admit when I've been an ass." He
smiled slightly, more of a grimace than anything else. "So… I'm sorry. I won't
be a jealous dick about you and Squall being together anymore. Okay?" He
reached over and ruffled his hand through my hair. "I won't stand in your way.
Have fun." His hand slid away again so he could place it back on the stick
shift.
 
I turned to the window to hide my eyes. They felt warm, and I didn't want Riku
to see. I hadn't cried in front of Riku in a long, long time. The last time I
had, Riku didn't talk to me for days, claiming that he couldn't have someone so
weak around him.
 
But this time, I think Riku knew. He didn't say anything, though. We just rode
the rest of the way home in the silence we had started out with, except not
quite as uncomfortable.
 
Just… melancholy.
 
===============================================================================
 
We were done with homework and upstairs in Riku's room getting ready to play a
video game when it happened again. Riku was sitting down, I had already claimed
my beanbag, the TV was turned on and the controllers were in our hands. And
then—
 
The whispers.
 
That sense of not being able to open my eyes.
 
Darkness.
 
Warm voices, pressing at my ears, too soft for me to make out.
 
I wanted to scream in frustration. After everything that had been happening to
me lately, why now? Why wouldn't it stop? What did it even mean? Couldn't I go
for more than a week without something crazy or dramatic interfering? Couldn't
I just be happy—be normal?
 
"…it didn't work…"the girl breathed.
 
My eyes felt like they were glued shut. I tried as hard as I could to open
them, and they just wouldn't budge, not this time, not even a little bit. I bit
the inside of my lip and tried harder, tried hard enough that I could feel
perspiration on my brow. But—nothing.
 
"Well, she said it wouldn't…"the boy murmured.
 
Who said? What didn't work?
 
Why couldn't they speak more loudly or just talk to me! I was right there! I
could answer them!
 
"I know… but… I still had to try…"
 
Try what?
 
"Well, let metry—again…"
 
Helplessness, anger, panic, the desperation for some confirmation that I wasn't
going insane, swelled within me at once, and I screamed.
 
SHUT UP!
 
Shut up!
 
Stop not talking to me! Stop whispering! Stop being just at the edge of my
hearing! Stop being all mysterious! Just talk to me!
 
The only problem was, I couldn't open my mouth. I couldn't make a sound. I was
there, and my eyes refused to open, and my mouth was apparently in agreement
with it. I couldn't even twitch my fingertips. I was in limbo, in that
darkness, only there to listen, only there to be driven mad.
 
Why was this happeningto me…?
 
Finally, blessedly, my vision flickered, and I could seeagain. Only… I wasn't
back in the room with Riku. I was in… that dream I'd had. The one with the
darkness and the castle and the magic exploding outside of its walls. The
throne room where it was eerily quiet, and I could hear myself breathing,
ragged and afraid.
 
"No, no, no," I whispered, horrified, and dropped to my knees. Riku was spread
out on the ground in front of me. His eyes were closed, his brows knitted with
pain, and strands of his hair were in his face, his beautiful, beautiful hair.
This was my fault. "My fault," I breathed.
 
If it hadn't been for me—
 
If I hadn't come here—
 
If I hadn't led her here—
 
Her jealousy, it—
 
"Riku," I said, lowering trembling fingers to his face to push his hair aside.
He didn't even stir at my touch like he normally did. He was completely
unresponsive. His chest moved in a breathing pattern, but it was slow, shallow.
 
My fault.
 
All my fault.
 
Black spotted my vision again.
 
The witch had her hand around my throat. I couldn't breathe. I struggled with
all my might—and it was useless. She'd used a spell. No matter how fragile she
looked, she was anything but with magic at her fingertips. Damn it. Damn it! I
had to get back to Riku!
 
A thin, high cackle left her lips.
 
—never—
 
Stop.
 
…happy…
 
Stop, stop, stop!
 
"…again," she breathed at my ear.
 
"It's not your fault."
 
"STOP!" I screamed, and the world broke into pieces, and I wasn't there
anymore. I wasn't that person. I wasn't in the room. Riku wasn't sprawled
nearly lifelessly on the floor, broken. I wasn't—I wasn't—
 
I breathed in, and my lungs hurt.
 
"And when Hayner tried to apologize to Seifer, he never got the chance. Seifer
wouldn't answer the door, and I don't know, they haven't spoken since, I
guess," Riku said, bending to turn on the TV.
 
I was standing in the middle of the room, and this time, this time, I knew I
hadn't been there a second ago. I had been sitting right there, on that bean
bag. And the game had already been turned on. Riku hadn't been about to put it
in, like he was now.
 
The console sucked the disc in, and he turned to me, lifting his brows when he
saw me. I didn't know what I looked like. I just knew my breathing was ragged
and that my face felt pale again, except this time I could tell. It wasn't numb
from the cold.
 
"Sora—what… are you okay?" he asked, and concern slid through his eyes.
 
riku
 
broken
 
my fault
 
mine
 
I stumbled away from him, into the bed. That was about the point where my knees
gave out, and I slid to the floor, shaking. I brought my knees up to my chest
and put my forehead against them and tried to breathe right. It was so, so
hard. My heart was pounding to the point I was worried it would burst.
 
Riku tossed his red controller aside and scrambled over to me. He knelt by my
side, and he put his hand on my shoulder. The warmth from his fingers flowed
into me through my shirt. "Sora—what's wrong…?"
 
I couldn't have talked even if I'd wanted to. My throat was locked up way too
tight to do so.
 
"Sora…" Riku gave a gentle shake of my shoulders. "Sora." Then a harder one
when I still didn't respond. "Sora, talk to me—"
 
I shook my head, opened my mouth. My throat worked against me. Nothing came
out, not even a rasp.
 
"Sora, come on—"
 
Lips pursing, I put my forehead back against my knees.
 
"Do you want to talk about it?" Riku pressed.
 
I shook my head. It was all I could do. There was no other way to explain.
 
"It's not your fault."
 
But whatever it was—whatever it was, it wasmy fault… I could feel it down in
the marrow of my bones. I had done it. It was my fault. Mine. All mine.
 
Riku puffed out a breath in frustration, then rose to his feet. "Let me go get
you some hot chocolate. It's been a long week…" He hesitated, as if waiting for
me to say something. When I didn't, his feet edged to the door. "…I'll be right
back, okay?"
 
I swallowed and nodded against my knees.
 
What's happening to me…?
 
Why did all this crazy stuff keep happening? The dreams, the whispers, the déjà
vu… I had a feeling there was more, but I couldn't tell what, I just knew.
Strange stuff had been happening, morestrange stuff, and I'd forgotten some of
it, and that was even more terrifying. That I might not remember every single
detail of the loss of my sanity.
 
Because that was what it was, wasn't it? Who—had things like this happento
them? Not normal people…
 
Around five minutes later, Riku returned to the room with a steaming mug of hot
chocolate. He set it next to me, and I looked at it for several moments, noting
the orange and black marshmallows in it leftover from Halloween. His mother had
bought them for us when we'd had all those afternoons of homework together. It
was about the only festive thing she'd allowed. Riku's mother didn't really get
into the holidays.
 
"Sora… you have to tell me something…" Riku whispered.
 
He wasn't going to let this go. I did have to tell him something—but not… that.
 
It took me several tries, and a few good sips of the hot chocolate, but
eventually I managed to get my voice working again. Quietly, in a voice barely
above a whisper because it hurt to speak too much, I recounted the events of
the last week concerning Squall and Kairi. I hesitated over both, because I'd
wanted to keep this information from him until the time was right, especially
after the irony of his speech in the car, but… what did it matter anymore? It
was over, it was done with.
 
Besides, Riku probably knew if he gloated, I really wouldsock him one.
 
He was quiet for a while, and I stared down into my cocoa to give me something
to do. The marshmallows had mostly melted. As I watched, they blurred, and it
wasn't from staring at them for too long. Wet was gathering in my eyes again.
Damn it, this crying thing was getting ridiculous. But I didn’t know what else
to do.
 
I wished I could have told him the truth, the whole truth, not just part of it.
I wished I could tell him about the dreams I had where he was broken and it was
all my fault.
 
His arm came around my shoulders, as if sensing my distress, and he pulled me
into him to cuddle me close. I was desperate for touch after the week-long
absence of what I'd had with Squall, and I curled into him, squeezing my eyes
shut. I put my chocolate to the side where I wouldn't knock it over, and then
put both my arms around him. He didn't protest, even though I was halfway
sprawled over his lap now, he just kept me against him. His cheek came to rest
against my hair.
 
I didn't cry, but I did fall asleep. Maybe I was too worn out from everything
crazy that had happened lately. Maybe the hot chocolate was too warm in my
belly. Maybe Riku's fingers felt too good in my hair. Either way, my eyes were
heavy, and I couldn't keep them open anymore. But here, with Riku, there was
nothing to be afraid of.
 
I drifted off, and for once, I didn't dream.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Come on, let's go."
 
I jerked awake. Riku pulled his hand away, and I blearily watched him tug on
some jeans over his boxers and toss on a clean shirt. That made me sit up, and
I glanced around, noticing that daylight was still creeping in through the
windows. Had we napped? But it'd be dark outside by now…
 
When had he moved me into the bed? Had I woken up to climb in and just hadn't
remembered it?
 
How deeply had I slept?
 
"Where?" I said groggily.
 
"Rinoa texted you while you were asleep. We're gonna get some coffee with her."
 
"…time is it…?" I mumbled through a yawn.
 
"Almost time for lunch. I let you sleep in. You must have been pretty
exhausted…"
 
So it wasthe next day, then. I stared at him, still half-asleep. Running a hand
through my hair revealed that it was sticking up even worse than usual. Great.
And I hadn't brought gel over.
 
Oh, wait!
 
That made me sit up straighter. "Mom—" God, she had to be panicked. I hadn't
told her I was spending the night! Or, if she had deduced where I was, she was
probably pissed I hadn't called her and told her what was up.
 
Riku tossed some clothes at me. I stared at them blankly. "I went by your house
last night so your mom wouldn't freak and you'd have clothes today," he
explained. "Come on, you need to get out of the house, get your mind off
things."
 
Things…?
 
Oh, right. I'd told him about Squall and Kairi…
 
"Coffee with Rinoa?" I asked.
 
"Yup, now c'mon."
 
Stifling a sigh, I climbed out of bed and proceeded to get ready.
***** Upside Down, Inside Out *****
Rinoa cupped her hands around her coffee cup and offered me a smile. I gave one
back. It was faint. I didn't have the energy to pretend anything else. I felt
absolutely exhausted, even though I hadn't really done anything exerting.
Mental exhaustion, then? Something. Something that made me want to crawl back
under Riku's covers and go right back to sleep.
 
It was safe there. I could hide from the rest of the world for a little while
longer. My own bed would be fine, even. Just anywhere away from here.
 
"Sora, I… I just wanted to say again how sorry I am…" Rinoa's pretty brown eyes
dropped to the lid of her coffee, and she wouldn't look at me again.
 
Oh, man. Just as I had thought this would go. The last thing I wanted to do was
get engrossed in a conversation about Squall. It had been fine to reassure her
the first time, but this time… this time, after the crazy week I'd just gone
through, I wasn't sure I was up to it again.
 
"It's okay, Rin, really," I heard myself say, as though from a distance. It
wasn't her fault. It wasn't. I was falling apart the seams, I felt like I
hadn't gotten enough rest even though Riku had assured me I had, and I was
still coping with heartbreak. There wasn't much left in me to be friendly and
comforting. The only part she knew about was the deal with Squall.
 
Riku took a sip of his mocha-flavored coffee and raised his eyebrows at me. I
looked away, biting into my lip. His fingers brushed against my knee under the
table, offering a silent question. "Are you all right?"
 
No. I wasn't.
 
His fingertips squeezed. "Can you do this?"
 
My breathing grew shallow for a moment as my stomach twisted itself into knots,
and I pushed his hand away. Couldn't he have chosen a less… intimate way to
question me? He knew me well enough by then to pick apart my feelings by
reading my expression alone. It wasn't like I wasn't an open book or anything.
 
Truth be told, his kindness was beginning to rattle me. It hadn't the first
time it had gone through—but, well, burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice…
 
Okay, the whole bitter thing was driving even meinsane. I sipped at my own
coffee to try and dispel it. The trouble was that it didn't want to leave. I
had a lot to be bitter for. A lot to be angry at. Too much exhaustion to cope
with. All of this strange stuff that had been happening to me lately… the
dreams, the visions… what did they all mean?
 
How could I even begin to figure it out?
 
Did I wantto figure it out? Would that just certify my insanity?
 
"You know—maybe it's… inappropriate for me to say this, but…" Rinoa leaned
forward across the table, tilting her head at Riku and then at me. "…Are you
guys sureyou aren't a couple?"
 
I took a long swallow from my macchiato and refused to think about how Riku's
chair was right next to mine. We were indecently close. Well, for a straight
boy and his gay best friend, we were seated too close. A couple, on the other
hand… that was another story.

But seeing as how I couldn't explain Riku's behavior to Rinoa any more than I
could to myself, I shook my head. "Yeah, we're not a couple."
 
Riku chuckled softly at my side. I wasn't sure what to make of it. There was
some… note in that, that sounded different than usual. Not condescending—and if
it wasn't condescending, what wasit? That was Riku's thing. Riku generally
didn't doa non-condescending laugh at remarks like these, or almost anything,
really.
 
Huh…
 
"You're cute, Rinoa," was all she said.
 
She flushed at that and huffed out a small breath. "You guys sure actlike one…"
 
I found a spot on the table to stare at. It was a crumb. Almost invisible. The
barista must have missed it when they were cleaning off the table earlier. It
happened sometimes. Couldn't be helped. Before I left, if I remembered, I'd
clean it up. Not that it was really bothering me, I just—
 
Christ, I could nothandle this right now.
 
"We're best friends," Riku said simply. "And… Sora's going through a bit of a
rough time right now."
 
"…it's not your fault…"
 
I blinked slowly and lifted my head as the whisper drifted across my thoughts.
It was different from the others. This wasn't a conversation I was being kept
out of—it was being spoken directly to me, like someone was leaning into my ear
and speaking right against the shell of it. I could almost feel their breath,
it was so close.
 
"Yeah, you're right. Damn it, I knew I was being insensitive," Rinoa murmured
mostly to herself. She tucked her hair behind her ears and shifted. It looked
like she was crossing her legs beneath the table. "I always stick my nose where
it doesn't belong…"
 
"Don't be so hard on yourself," Riku replied. "Sora's not mad at you." He
nudged me with his elbow when I didn't immediately respond. "Right, Sora?"
 
"…it's not your fault…"
 
This time, more loudly than the last, and I was already agitated. Why wouldn't
it leave me alone? Whatever I had done, the blame was settled on my shoulders,
and that was that. I knew thatwith a certainty that was a little frightening.
 
"But it ismy fault!" I snapped. Maybe then they'd shut up.
 
I'd done it, well and truly done it, and there was no questioning that.
 
…what…
 
I scrubbed my face. What was I even thinking? It was like I was beginning to
lose control of my thoughts, as well, like I had no say which ones filtered in
and which ones got dismissed. I didn't like it. It was worse than the whispers
and the dreams. Ugh. How did I make it stop? See a therapist…? They'd just drug
me.
 
Or lock me away.
 
It was really quiet at the table suddenly, so I looked up. Riku and Rinoa were
both staring at me, lips slightly parted in surprise. For a moment, I didn't
understand, wasn't sure if I deserved the looks they were giving me. Then I
thought back—recounted the moment where I'd made an outburst…
 
Flushing, I turned my face away and brought my coffee to my mouth.
 
Great. I already knew I was going crazy. I didn't want my friends to think I
was going, too. I had enough trouble in my life as it were.
 
"…So…" Rinoa said after the time for an awkward remark had already come and
gone. Now the silence just bordered on strained. No one knew what the hell to
say to me. The worst part was, I didn't blame them. Who would? "…Riku, um…"
 
They exchanged a glance. For some reason, that ticked me off a little bit.
 
I was notbehaving weirdly.
 
Except I was.
 
"…He told me you had a bad week… I'm sorry about that." She did look very
sincere, chewing on her lower lip, fixing her wide eyes on me, not sparing me
the full effect of them. It still didn't assuage the annoyance I was suddenly
experiencing toward Riku. Just how much had he texted her while I'd been passed
out on his bed? Rrrgh!
 
I didn't want Rinoa to feel any guiltier than she had to. God, Riku.
 
"I'm fine," I said, in as chipper a voice as I could manage.
 
They exchanged a second glance.
 
Oh, for crying out loud—
 
I was just getting to my feet to go to the bathroom or something else to get
away from them when Riku put his hand on my shoulder to settle me back down.
Damn it. I hated it when he read my intentions too well. I just needed some
air, some spaceto gather my thoughts. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently
so.
 
"We should—do something," Rinoa interjected, following Riku's cues. "Go
somewhere," she added, just as vaguely.
 
A long sigh rolled out of me.
 
Here we went…
 
"I don't know, guys," I said. I figured I could at least be honest. I really
didn'tknow if I was up to doing anything in our ridiculously sucky town. Not
that there was much todo, as Squall had pointed out to me on numerous
occasions. Everyone else, too. It was a commonly known fact that greener
pastures lie elsewhere.
 
Especially when summer came.
 
Thinking about Squall and the stuff we hadn't gotten to do but had planned
to—going on an outing in another city one time, to where they had used
bookstores and video game stores, and a store with a way better comic
selection—well… it depressed the shit out of me. He was the lastthing I needed
to be thinking about. I had too much else going on in my head at that moment.
 
"I'd rather just go home and be by myself," I whispered. Man, I was
reallyfeeling bummed out.
 
Squall liked the girl across from me more. Kairi was in love with me. Riku—…
was Riku. I had all those strange happenings—
 
It was a wonder the drama alone wasn't driving me to insanity.
 
Going home and being by myself seemed like a fine idea indeed.
 
For a third time, Riku and Rinoa glanced at one another. But this time, when
they looked back at me, their faces were set with grim determination.
 
I sighed.
 
Why did I have a feeling I was about to lose this one?
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Of coursethey would take me to the park, where it was subzero and there was a
good four inches of snow on the ground. Of coursethey would. Who did that? What
kind of people were cruel enough to toss someone who absolutely hated snow—into
the snow? Good God, I was freezing! I hadn't dressed warmly enough to stay out
in this kind of temperature for more than a few seconds at a time!
 
I rubbed my hands together. Riku had had an extra pair of gloves in his
backseat, and I'd pulled them on as he'd wheeled me out into the park. This was
just ridiculous. I didn't even have on the proper footwear. My sneakers were
going to get soaked.
 
Four inches—sheesh. It must not have stopped coming down the entire time I'd
been asleep, ever since it had started when we'd headed home the afternoon
before. My desire to be under a warm bed of covers redoubled, and I shot Riku a
nasty look. He just smirked at me and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
 
Annoyed, I looked for the other perpetrator in this crime. There went Rinoa,
zooming past us, arms out to either side of her. She was giggling like a
lunatic, and as we watched, she dove straight into the snow like a swan,
flipped onto her back, and began crafting a snow angel. And all around us, the
snow kept on falling, thick snowflakes that caught in our lashes and tangled in
our hair.
 
A winter wonderland, and it was barely November.
 
"I hope it stays this way til Christmas!" Rinoa shouted as she got to her feet
and dusted snow off her dark denim jeans. Her chest heaved in her out of breath
state, and she pawed through her hair, getting snow out of that, as well, so it
wouldn't freeze there later. That was a real pain, but most people took hot
showers when they came in from playing out in the snow, anyway, or sat
somewhere real warm, like before a fire, to melt everything off.
 
Ice suddenly hit my cheek in frozen crystals, snapping me out of my daze.
Furious, I whirled around. Riku was already rolling another mound of snow in
his hands, and his eyebrows rose in challenge. That bastard!
 
"You can't attack me when I'm not ready for it, Riku!" I ranted. Today was
notthe day for Sora to be his usual, patient self. Riku knewthat. Did he have
no tact, no sensitivity toward my feelings like he pretended he did, or had his
sense of childish fun overruled all his other senses and urged him into pulling
a prank?
 
"How else do you start a snowball fight?" he quipped. His next snowball flew
out of his hands, and I ducked down, hearing it land somewhere over my head. I
began gathering up snow, not to play, but to get him back good before I stormed
off somewhere and sat this one out. I hatedthe cold. The last thingI wanted
right now was a freaking snowball fight! Honestly!
 
I leapt up and lobbed it at him. It missed his head by a centimeter and smacked
straight into Rinoa's face. I froze as she shrieked and danced to the left. But
then, to my chagrin, she knelt and piled up snow to lift it and mold it. Great.
The war was on, and I'd had a hand in seeing that it started. Good grief,
couldn't this day just be over already, even though it had barely started?
 
"Now it's on, Sora," Riku said. His arm rose near perfectly in time with
Rinoa's, and I had snowballs flying in my direction. I dodged both, but Riku
was fast and had another one made in the time it took me to flail about, so
that by the time I was recovering from the first round, I had snow in my face
when I lifted up again.
 
I sputtered.
 
Rinoa and Riku burst into giggles and high-fived one another.
 
"Yes!"
 
"Look at him, he's so pissed…"
 
"I hate you both!" I yelled.
 
That only made them laugh harder and root around for more ammunition. I
growled. Fine. They wanted a fight? I'd givethem a fight.
 
Three snowballs went flying through the air, one right after the other. The
first hit Rinoa's hair and made her topple and fall flat on her ass in the
snow. The next smacked Riku straight in the eyes when he lifted his head to see
what had happened. The third hit his chest, and he went down, just like his
accomplice.
 
I huffed and dusted my gloves together. I hated the snow, it was true. The
irony was that I was the reigning snowball champion where it concerned Riku and
me. He was better at everything else except this, and it had been this way for
years. So—he wanted a snowball fight, even though he knew it was going to be a
losing battle?
 
Good.
 
It was on.
 
===============================================================================
 
We played in the snow for what must have been hours. I wasn't exactly sure, and
I'd never had the time to pull out my phone and see what time it was. Either
way, I forgot everything, just for a little while. I forgot what was plaguing
me, I forgot my sadness, my worries of insanity… everything. For once, I was
happy.
 
It helped that I won, even though it was two against one. Another year past,
and I still had it. Yeah!
 
The spell was broken when a cell phone shriek cut through our laughter, and
Rinoa held up a hand. Her brows lifted, and her thumb flickered over her
keypad.
 
"That was my alarm," she explained to our questioning head tilts when she
pocketed it. "I've gotta go! I've got a, um—a…" She struggled, as though she
really didn't want to finish that sentence. I had an idea.
 
"A date, right?" I came over to her and gave her a hug. I was still breathless
from the battle, and both of us were covered in snow. "Better go home and get
ready. You're soaked through."
 
This close, I could hear her teeth chattering. "Yeah, but it was fun! We need
to do it again sometime, okay?" She wrapped her arms around me in return and
tugged me up close. I sunk into her for a moment, feeling weightless, full of
energy where there had been none hours ago, even though I'd burned through what
little I'd had to start with.
 
"Yeah, sure. I told you, Rinoa, we're still friends."
 
"I know, but… I thought… maybe you were just trying to be nice…"
 
"That I didn't really mean it?"
 
She nodded against my hair, and I tightened my arms. Rinoa really was a sweet
girl, and she had worries and insecurities just like everyone else despite the
brave front she put on. I understood that perfectly. It was a lot like… Kairi…
 
Kairi…
 
I let go of Rinoa and tried not to let the sadness welling up behind the
temporary walls I had erected break through them. I tried to be happy for just
a little while longer, to sink back into that bubble of forgetfulness, where
nothing existed but a good time. It was hard. I think I managed, though, just
for a handful of seconds.
 
Rinoa gave a little wave and headed off to where she'd parked her Lexus. She
tossed her hair out of her eyes and pulled her phone free again. She was
already texting while she beeped her car open, and its lights flashed. Probably
to Squall. From what I'd noticed while I'd been dating him, she really didn't
talk to much anyone else. Oh, she had tons of friends, but Squall was the only
one she was reallyclose to.
 
I smiled faintly.
 
"Ready to go?" Riku asked, breathless, and put a hand on my shoulder.
 
I looked up at him. His skin was red across his cheeks, but he was grinning
widely. Snow was all over him. He looked wild and beautiful. It was ridiculous.
I closed my eyes against the sight of it.
 
riku
 
my fault
 
mine
 
He was sprawled on the cold, hard floor, and he wasn't moving, just barely
breathing.
 
I had put him there.
 
I had made it that way.
 
It was my fault… my… fault…
 
It was because of me he was hurt—because of me the witch had gotten to him…
 
If I hadn't asked for his help—hadn't brought her here—if he hadn't fallen in
love with me—
 
—snow
 
you're covered in—
 
—snow—
 
"Sora?"
 
I blinked and looked up again. Riku's grin was a little uncertain now, and his
fingers squeezed at my shoulder like they had done at my knee in the café. From
somewhere inside, I summoned up the dredges of a smile. I was surprised I
hadn't smiled myself out yet for today. There seemed to be so few of them left
inside me.
 
"You're covered in snow," he said.
 
"You are, too," I observed.
 
He nodded. "We should brush off."
 
We did so the best we could, and when we had observed one another and confirmed
that the other was all right, we headed back to his Mustang, carving a new path
through the snow. It hadn't ceased falling yet. It was a heavy sheet now. There
was going to be problems if this kept up for much longer. It wasn't a blizzard,
not yet.
 
"Did you have a good time?" Riku slid his arm around my shoulders and tucked me
in against him like he'd be fond of doing lately.
 
"Yeah," I said.
 
"Good," he replied, and his hand rubbed over my arm. "That's all I wanted."
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Saturday ended with hot chocolate in front of the fire place like I'd been
envisioning, and a movie on TV with my parents settled on the couch and me on
the floor with a quilt around my shoulders. Sunday was spent pouring over
homework, more of the studying kind. Mom made brownies, and we ate them hot out
of the pan with a tall glass of milk between us. It felt good to spend time
with her again. I hadn't done much of it lately, and while she got on my nerves
sometimes, I still appreciated her.
 
Monday was much of the same blur, with classes passing in a haze. Kairi was
absent from the several she shared with me, and asking around revealed that no
one knew anything. I hoped she hadn't come down with something—or possibly
found out that Olette had told me about what was wrong between us. She wouldn't
miss out on school over something like that, would she? I hoped she didn't
think she couldn't face me… that would just make everything worse…
 
Riku chatted amicably by my side as we strolled out to student parking. Snow
was everywhere, but the pavement was clear and salted. It hadn't snowed since
Sunday morning. On the other hand, it hadn't grown warm enough to start melting
some of it away. We were in for a cold winter, it looked like. Goodie.
 
A girl passed by me in a blue sweater over a pair of denim tucked into creamy
snow boots. The only reason I noticed at all was because when I blinked and
glanced her way again, she was… wearing… a redsweater… And she wasn't walking
by herself anymore. It was though two people had materialized by her side,
another girl and a boy, and they were all engrossed in conversation, whispers
and giggles rising. What the hell?
 
Unnerved, I turned to Riku before I could stop myself. "Riku, did you see
that?"
 
"See what?" he said, looking annoyed that I had interrupted him.
 
I hesitated. I could just tell him nothing… but—I just… wanted to see, for
once, if it wasn't just me. Hearing things was one thing—but seeing them, too?
He had to have noticed, right? Maybe… At this rate, it was highly doubtful, yet
I still had to try.
 
"That girl—she was by herself, and now she's got friends."
 
He shook his head. "You're just seeing things."
 
Impatience flared inside of me. "No, Riku, I'm not. I was watching her the
whole time!" Well… I hadlooked away… but only for a split second! "And she was
wearing a blue sweater, not a redone." C'mon!
 
Riku tucked his hands into his pockets and gave me a look. He was obviously
cold and wanted to move on to his car, where he could turn the heater on and it
would be warm again. Normally, I would agree, but I couldn't let this rest.
 
"No," he said, slowly like I was an idiot, "it was like that the whole time. I
was watching her, too." He didn't say why. He didn't have to. She was cute. "A
red sweater, and her two friends."
 
I whirled back to the group, eager to prove him wrong. Unfortunately, nothing
had changed. Two girls, one boy, all wearing the same clothing. I strained my
eyes to see any differences and couldn't find any at all. Damn it! This wasn't
happening to me, this was not happeningto me, I was notgoing crazy!
 
"It wasn't like that, Riku! I knowwhat I saw… She had on a blue sweater, and
she was by herself…"
 
"Sora—she wasn't… are you feeling okay, man?"
 
"I'm fine,Riku!" I snapped, sparing him a scathing glare before I returned my
attention to the anomaly. I jerked in surprise and took a step back as my eyes
widened. The girl was by herself again! And in a bluesweater, not a red one!
 
I grabbed a hold of Riku's jacket sleeve and yanked him forward to stand next
to me. "Look, see, Riku, there! It's like I said!" I wasn'tgoing crazy!
 
"I know, Sora."
 
That hadn't been the answer I was expecting.
 
Goosebumps broke out over my arms as I realized what must have happened. "It."
That… prickly sensation I got whenever something with Riku… changed… when he
was him, but… behaving so differently… Was I wrong this time, or I was about to
be proven right?
 
I looked up at him. Riku was staring at me intently, and I realized he hadn't
done it like thissince the night I'd stayed over and it had stormed. That was
weeks ago. Why such a long lapse this time? Not that it mattered. I preferred
regular Riku to thisoddness any day. Because whenever he was like this, weird
stuff started happening.
 
"…Why do you do that?" I whispered.
 
"Do what, Sora?" he replied, calm as day, as the gray sky above us, as the
chill in the air that pressed against our faces and wouldn't relent.
 
"You just—change…" I breathed. I didn't really have any way of describing it.
One moment, he was himself, then the next, he… "And then afterward you act like
you didn't do anything. Like nothing happened." I took a step back from him,
and then another. "I can't—handle that right now…" Not when everything kept
falling apart on me.
 
Riku's eyes flickered skyward. I swallowed as I studied him. He still lookedthe
same… he always did… But I was being silly, wasn't I? Riku was himself. Who
else would he be?
 
"You have to figure this out eventually, Sora…" he murmured, and not for the
first time, I heard traces of a strange accent. A wistful smile crossed over
his mouth. I bit my lip at the sight of it. This was so weird, and I just
knewit wouldn't be good afterward.
 
"Figure whatout?"
 
"I am afraid I can't tell you that…" Sighing, he lowered his gaze back to mine.
He took a step toward me to close the distance I'd put between us. "I miss
you…"
 
Not this again.
 
He stopped when he saw the expression on my face—thinned lips, drawn brows,
unhappy, untrusting eyes. He tilted his head, then lowered his gaze and
withdrew his hands from his pockets.
 
"…Is it really so hard to piece together?" he whispered.
 
Oh, come on! Couldn't anyone tell me anything? Could freaky stuff just
stophappening? I was tired of the mystery! I didn't do so well at solving them,
and I hadn't been given any hints!
 
"Rrr, piece whattogether?" I growled. "The fact that one second you're Riku,
and then the next you're—you're—" Everything I could want him to be. Kind,
attentive. Loving. It was unnerving. He knew that, didn't he? He had to have!
And always, always, he went right back to… regular old Riku…
 
"Come here." His hand slid over my hip, and he tugged me into him. Before I
even realized what was happening or could stop it, he bent his head to kiss me.
 
Oh, God, what did I do? Push him away, like I had the last time he'd attempted
this? I didn't want to, though… I wanted to sink into it, like I had the first
two times, completely oblivious, ignorant of everything around me…
 
His lips were cold, but warming quickly. I was sure mine were doing the same
thing. He put his other arm around my back and pressed the lines of our bodies
together. It was a different sort of kissing than Squall. Squall conquered with
his mouth, he devoured. Riku did the same thing, but he was slower about it,
not quite as desperate, rushed. He took his time. It made all my nerves stand
on end.
 
Before I could even think to stop this or let it continue on, I hadn't decided
yet, he drew away. A pang of disappointment hit me. Here it was… it was going
to go right back to normal… Riku was going to be disgusted and snap at me like
it was my fault, like I'd started it… that was what he'd done the last time I
had let this happen…
 
He blinked slowly, clearly disoriented. Damn it.
 
I tried to gather breath in my starved lungs. My lips were tingling still, but
my mouth was dry with fear, anxiety. I was so damn confused, and Riku still
hadn't done anything. I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to see him,
waiting this way to be berated. It was going to come any minute now… harsh
words, repulsion coating every one of them…
 
Riku's hand settled in my hair, and I flinched. After a moment, his fingers
slowly ruffled, and I blinked once, twice, and dared to look up. He exhaled
shakily, then offered me a wane smile.
 
"…Let's go. We've got homework to do, right?"
 
"Riku, what…?" My voice was thin in my ears, and I doubt anyone would have
blamed me.
 
"I just… wanted to…" he said, as though that was explanation was enough. It
most definitely wasn't. I wanted answers! For freaking once, couldn't he
just—behave like I expected him to?! I had enough trouble with everything
elseat the moment…
 
"Why?" I demanded.
 
"I—can we just… wait… a little bit longer before we talk about it…?"
 
Frustration welled up inside of me, and I did my best to contain it. I didn't
want to snap at Riku. I didn't want to fight. I was tired of fighting. Tired of
trying to figure everything out. If he wanted to let it rest, it wouldn't have
been the first time. I could let it go, just like I always had to. No big deal.
Right?
 
…can't something just make sense for once…?
 
"What?" Riku whispered. He bit his lip, and he… actually looked uncertainfor
once. Where was Riku's confidence, his bravado? He was as rattled as I was… yet
he wasn't handling it like he usually did, like shunting the blame onto me. He
was bearing it all on his own, and he was vulnerable in that moment.
 
"Just—do me a favor?" I waited until he had nodded before I continued. "Don't…
kiss me again unless you mean it. Unless it's what you reallywant to
do—because… I reallycan't handle this right now…" My voice cracked, and I
looked away. I took several deep breaths.
 
Calm down, calm down. I didn't want to fight. No fighting. No.
 
"I—I don't really have any control over it—" he started to protest.
 
My temper flared. Honestly! Enough was enough. "How do you nothave control over
something like this—"
 
"I don't know!" He gripped my shoulders and bent his head to stare into my
eyes. I felt my heart slam up to my throat at the sight of what was in his.
That vulnerability still, that uncertainty, and a desperate desire for me not
to be angry with him. Normally he didn't care. "Let—me figure things out,
okay?"
 
"But… what about those weird—comments you keep making?" I pressed, unable to
let it drop just yet. I hadto know something, had to glean someinformation from
him. He could give me at least thatmuch, couldn't he? I deserved to know! I was
tired of being left in the dark!
 
Unless he was honestly as in the dark as I was.
 
"Huh?" he said.
 
I set my jaw. "You know—like… like… 'You need to figure this out, Sora,'" I
said, dropping my voice to his octave. "'I miss you.'"
 
His lips pursed. "I didn't say that."
 
"Yes, you—" I began aggressively, only to swallow down the words when Riku just
continued to look extremely confused… and… worried. Worried for me, not for
him. Similar to when he'd shared all those looks with Rinoa a few days ago.
Damn it. I didn't needthis right now!
 
I pulled out from under Riku's hands and put my hands to my head. "Homework.
Right. Let's go." I marched onward.
 
Riku waited until we were buckled up in his car and he was turning the heat on
before he spoke again. "…You sure you're okay?" It was soft, afraid to upset
me, like he was walking on ice around me or something. Me, hah, the
temperamental one. That was a first.
 
I didn't like it.
 
Not one bit.
 
What was wrongwith me?
 
"I'm fine," I said, and I couldn't entirely keep the nastiness out of my tone.
I wanted to smack myself afterward. I'd just beaten myself up about it, and
there I went again.
 
"I'm not trying to upset you—"
 
What was with this, anyway? Riku reassuring mefor once? It was almost unheard
of. He'd done it Friday night, but that had been different. Sort of. Okay,
maybe not really. Damn it… I couldn't—deal with all these changes… I just
wanted everything to be normal again… Life was so much easier to deal with that
way, even though it hadn't seemed like it at the time…
 
I thunked my head against the car window. The tables seemed to reversed lately.
"It's okay, Riku. I'm just… tired. Let's go home, okay?"
 
"Okay…" He hesitated a moment longer. I could feel him peering hard at me. I
didn't move, didn't turn my head to look back at him. Eventually, he got the
hint and he rolled us out of the parking lot. Off we went.
 
I released the breath I'd been holding and squeezed my eyes shut against the
world of white outside the car.
 
I wasn't sure how much more I could take of this.
 
===============================================================================
 
It was the happiest I had ever been.
 
I was naked on Riku's bed, pillows and ornate covers piled around me. My skin
was thrumming with restless energy, and I beamed at Riku, my forehead still
tingling from the kiss he had only moments ago bestowed upon it. Riku, for his
part, was staring at me in absolute shock and awe, like he hadn't really
expected it to happen, like he hadn't thought the curse would really break.
 
It was so intense, that finally I had to flush and look away.
 
I hadn't… disappointed him, had I?
 
"Is something wrong…?" I asked.
 
Riku slowly shook his head. "You're just—a bit… different from what I was
picturing…"
 
I shivered a little in the cool air of the room and slipped my arms about
myself. My cheeks puffed with a huff, and I shot him a sideways warning glare.
"Oh, yeah?" Different how? Bad different? A different that didmake him
disappointed?
 
After all we had been through, it wasn't going to end now, was it? I'd
describedwhat I looked like, but… maybe it hadn't been enough…?
 
To my delight, Riku smiled. It was my favorite smile of his, the one that made
his eyes twinkle like he had a secret he wanted to tell me. He reached over and
slid his fingers through my spikes to gently ruffle them. And oh, it felt so
good just to have human skin again! To have hair! To look at him through
humaneyes!
 
"Better than what I was picturing," he murmured.
 
I couldn't help it. My chest puffed with pride. "Oh, yeah?"
 
He nodded and—he… he kissed me… it was our first kiss… Not the one he had
placed upon my forehead, but… two pairs of lips joining, melting into one
another… His mouth tasted as good as I hoped it would, and his breath was warm.
 
I never wanted it to end.
 
For that moment, it was easy to forget my worries, my concerns, the whole
reason I had come to his kingdom. It was easy to forget the shadows that loomed
on the horizon. It was easy to forget who had done this to me, and what her
purpose had been. Easy, and—yet… it was the first time I ever hadforgotten
since her pain had become clear to me.
 
"Riku," I said seriously as we parted. "We can't have our happily ever after
yet." It was crucial that we remembered this, that we didn't get too carried
away in our happiness.
 
He snorted, a soft sound. "Happily ever after? That only takes place in fairy
tales, Sora."
 
I nodded grimly, unfortunately in perfect agreement. "I just don't want you to
forget… there's still—the witch…" My heart gave an awful wrench in my chest at
that, filled to the brim with regret all over again. I had to look away, lest
he see it in my eyes. It wasn't something I was used to. As a human, he could
examine me as he pleased. I had so much more facial expressions like this.
 
"Father will take care of her. It won't be a problem," he promised.
 
"But…" My shoulders drooped. "It will. She'll be after us next, Riku. Mein
particular…" Once she learned the curse was broken…
 
"Why?" he whispered.
 
"Because…" I bit my lip, and I dropped my eyes to the fluffy covers I was
seated on. There was only one way to say it—to speak the truth plainly. Now,
for once, he deserved to know everything, not just the bare details I'd given
to his father, because it was all the king had needed to know.
 
"Sora?" He put his hands on my shoulders.
 
I closed my eyes against the concerned look in his eyes. "I broke her heart…"
 
There was a ringing noise, loud, piercing my eardrums. I jerked awake against
my desk and lifted my head. Had I fallen asleep in class, had I—
 
No one was there… at all…
 
I stared around at all the empty desks. The silence was deafening, more
deafening than the school's bell had been. Where… waseveryone? The lights were
off, and the door was closed… I wondered if, bizarrely, everyone had actually
left me behind at school?
 
The teacher would have woken me up… right? Told me I had a bus to catch…
Surely, someone…
 
I got up, noticing that my books were missing. I spared that no thought and
wandered over to the door to go into the hallway. Empty… Just as empty as the
classroom… The lights were off here, too. There was no distant wheeling of a
janitor's cart. I was alone… it was really dark… not pitch dark, because I
could see through the windows that it was still daylight outside…
 
What…
 
"It's not your fault."A whisper that somehow echoed down the hallway.
 
I whirled around, hoping to find that I wasn't, indeed, alone. Selphie was
there, right behind me. I jumped and put a hand over my heart, closed my eyes
and exhaled. Good God, she'd scared the shit out of me!
 
She put her hands on my shoulders. "You remember this time, don't you? You
remember my name."
 
Of course I did, why wouldn't I have?
 
Her palms came to rest over my cheeks. "Sora, please, please—don't kick me out,
just listen," she said, so urgently that I had to open my eyes and look at her
again. She'd… said that before, hadn't she…? Something about me kicking her
out… Seifer's party… right…? That was how I knew her…
 
I shook my head wonderingly. "Why would I kick you out?" It was a public
school. She had every right to be here.
 
Her green eyes locked onto mine, and her expression set itself into one of
determination. I felt my heart give a shudder of anticipation.
 
"This is just a—"
 
Brriiiing—
 
All of me jerked, and I sucked in a huge, gasping breath, sitting upright. I
was in class again, and for a moment, I struggled with a rising sense of panic.
My classmates were milling about, laughing and gathering their things as they
prepared to leave for the day. I stared at them for several moments, trying to
discern that I really was awake this time.
 
Okay, that had been… weird…
 
I looked down at my desk. My notebook was open, but its pages were blank. I
hadn't… taken any notes…? How long had I been asleep…?
 
Someone was watching me—
 
I glanced over to see Kairi. She was chewing her lip worriedly, and I felt my
heart sink in my chest. Oh, right, she'd actually shown up for class today,
hadn't she? She hadn't even made eye contact with me until now, though… Maybe
she was finally ready to talk? I could—I could do that… I didn't know what I'd
say, but…
 
Abruptly, she stood, grabbed up her things in record timing, and bolted out of
the room. Flabbergasted, I hastened to get my own things, and once I was
juggling them in my arms for balance, I took off after her.
 
She couldn't keep running away from me! I had to talk to her! Shehad to talk to
me! We had to get this resolved! This couldn't go on forever! Why would she
want it to? Why did she want both of us to be so miserable? It was pointless!
Something had to be done!
 
Since school had just let out, there was a lot of people to dodge around. I
managed it well enough since I was short and small, keeping my eyes on the
goal, Kairi's bobbing red head. We weaved in and out of the people, and then
she slammed through the doors that let outside to the student parking lot.
Someone yelled and jumped out of her way.
 
I burst outside before the doors could shut completely, narrowly dodging
running into one, and I had to blink against the brilliant sunlight. It was
bouncing off the snow, rays going everywhere. There was a reason everyone wore
sunglasses so often in the mountains.
 
I blinked rapidly once my vision had cleared and searched the parking lot. She
was… gone?
 
I shouted her name and hurried over the ice. I didn't want to slip, but I
couldn't be bothered by that right now. If I busted my ass, so what. Until
then, I had to find Kairi again. God, where the hell could she have gotten to?
We were in a parking lot! And junior parking was behind senior parking, so
there was still some time left to get to her car!
 
"KAIRI!" I shouted again, and ignored the stares I got for that.
 
What did I care if people stared at me anymore? I had enough rumors going
around about me, anyway. The rumors about the party, the rumors about the kiss
Riku had given me in the parking lot not very long ago in almost this same
exact spot—
 
"Sora!" Speak of the devil.
 
Riku grabbed my arm and tried to get me to face him.
 
I shoved him off, my lungs burning from the cold and the sprint I'd taken.
"Riku, stop. I have to talk to Kairi—" This was crucial.
 
"Sora!" His hand snaked back around my elbow, and this time he gave me a very
firm shake. It made my head snap back. I turned to him, ready to yell at him.
"Sora, wake up!"
 
What?
 
But I was—
 
My eyes fluttered open, leaving the snowy parking lot behind. There was
darkness, and then light piercing into my eyes from the chandelier above me in
Riku's dining room. Completely out of sorts, I lifted my head. My cheek peeled
away from the homework I'd fallen asleep on. A shadow came across my vision,
and then Riku was there again, his eyes tight at the corners with concern.
 
"Awake…" I breathed.
 
"You started talking in your sleep." Riku sat down in the chair next to me, and
his hand settled on my shoulder with its usual familiarity. I didn't bother to
shake him off. I was still trying to pull myself from the weird dream I'd been
having. "Geeze, buddy, are you getting anysleep at all? You're going to give me
a heart attack if you just pass out like that again."
 
I straightened my back and rubbed my hands over my face. I gave a good look
around. Everything seemednormal… But it had before, too. Uncertain, I grasped
onto my friend, looking up at him. "I'm not dreaming still?" I asked, my voice
thick with sleep. I could barely keep my eyes open. I had to keep blinking
them.
 
"No, doofus." Riku ruffled my hair. He was always doing that. I was too tired
to be annoyed. "You sure you're okay?"
 
"Fine," I mumbled. I shivered and tugged my hoodie closer to me. It was cold.
Heavy with sleep though my eyes still were, I stared suspiciously at
everything. I kept expecting it to shift. I still wasn't sure I wasn't dreaming
anymore.
 
"Let's… get back to the quiz, okay?" Riku's hand dropped back to his side.
 
I didn't budge. I was too busy staring at my book. It hadn't moved a second
ago, had it?
 
"Or do you need a moment…?"
 
Not bothering to respond, I got up to go to the bathroom. I had to wake up some
more. I'd feel better then.
 
Once there, I closed the door behind me and turned on the faucets at the sink.
Warm water gushed out after the initial cold spurt, and I splashed it over my
face. It felt good, and I shivered again. I left my hands on my cheeks and
looked at my reflection as water dripped down my skin. I looked pale as a
ghost, my blue eyes unusually bright in my face.
 
I closed my eyes after a moment and tried to summon the energy I needed to be
awake. It was proving more difficult than anything else I had done that day.
 
Nothing had changed yet… it was still the same…
 
A knocking on the door drew me from my thoughts.
 
"What?" I turned the water off and reached for a towel.
 
"You okay in there?" Riku's voice was slightly muffed through the door.
 
Once my hands and face were dry, and I'd put the towel back on its ring, I
opened the door to let him in. My gaze drifted up. Riku was perched in the
doorway, worry still in his eyes as they roved over me in return. Probably
taking in the shadows under my eyes. They'd been kind of scary.
 
"Yeah, I'm just… I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately…" I muttered.
 
"Maybe you should just take a nap," he replied, and his eyes softened.
 
"Yeah…" Problem was, I didn't really feel like walking home. "Take me home?"
Much easier that way. He wouldn't mind, would he? Yeah, who I was kidding. It
was Riku. He minded anything that inconvenienced him.
 
But he only nodded, slowly, as if musing on what I'd said. "Yeah, okay… Come
on, let's get your stuff together."
 
I trailed after him back to the dining room. I felt like… I reallywasgoing
crazy… almost like I was being pulled apart at the seams… or as though I was
some sort of insect, and someone had gotten a hold of me and thought it would
be funny to rip my wings off. Except they hadn't stopped there. They wanted to
tear everything else apart, too.
 
One more thing… one more thing, and I was going to snap… I knew that like I
knew I breathed…
 
And it scared me more than anything.
 
***** The Breaking Point *****
Slow, gentle kisses that were more of a brush of lips than anything else made
their way up my thigh.
 
Oh, one of those dreams again.
 
A hand slid around my knee as another kiss was placed beneath it. I shivered
and arched, tired of the teasing. My skin was bathed in a light sheen of sweat,
and I couldn't see past the blindfold over my eyes. This was a game, one I'd
consented to, but one that was driving me crazy now nonetheless.
 
I hadn't had one in a while. Not since—
 
"Don't you know how much I love you, Sora?"
 
Not since I'd tried to forget Riku. Not since I'd thrown myself into a
relationship to try and escape him. Funny how things like that never worked out
in the end. Was that what Squall was, then? Rebound, nothing more? I'd have
liked to think differently. Except… It was the truth, wasn't it?
 
"Sora…" Riku sighed, and his next kiss was placed on my abdomen. It shuddered
and sunk in, and Riku chuckled, a wash of breath over my skin.
 
In my dreams, Riku knew all the right ways to touch my body. He wasn't repulsed
by the idea of it, and he was always sweet, at least when doing this, never
harsh, never cruel. Reality, when I woke up from them, was jarring. I'd
suffered through them ever since puberty, when I'd first begun to notice I
wasn't thinking the way about girls like maybe I should have.
 
There was always only Riku, no matter what he did to me, no matter how much he
made me hurt. Even after I'd realized that Rikudidn't seem to have the
"problems" I'd been having. I was too afraid to say anything, to act on what I
was feeling. It would have been a disaster, nothing else. I'd always been so
sure of that. It was what I clung to in order to keep me going.
 
His mouth finally, finallycame around me, wet and hot, with a wicked tongue to
follow—
 
The next several minutes in the dream were a rush of blood in my ears, and I
didn't wake up until Riku had made me finish. Maybe the bliss of it had been
enough. Whatever it was, I found myself staring at my alarm clock, its digits
glowing at me from my nightstand. I stared blearily at it. It was nine am on
Thanksgiving morning. Time seemed to pass so quickly lately.
 
I thought about the mess in my boxers and closed my eyes. Sometimes, when you
did this, when you closed those eyes and you opened them again, you realized
you fell asleep, and it would be later in the day. This time, it wasn't quite
like that. My eyes fluttered shut, for two seconds that I was completely aware
of, I hadn't even started to have those fragments of dreams, and then I opened
them again.
 
It was now two minutes past noon, and my bedroom door opened, admitting my
mother, followed closely by Riku. I was sprawled on top of my covers and not
beneath them, and I had my clothes on instead of just a pair of red plaid
boxers. There was no mess to clean up. Sometimes this whole going crazy thing
could be mighty convenient.
 
"Sora, come on, nap time is over. Riku's here! And I need you to go down to the
basement for me and put the clothes in the dryer, okay?" Mom vanished out the
door just as quickly as she'd come, fretting, as always, about having
Thanksgiving dinner be perfect. It never went wrong, although I supposed I
couldn't fault her for being cautious.
 
Riku stepped into the room and offered me a flash of a smile that warmed me
down to my toes. A moment later, and I looked away, refusing to get lightheaded
like usual. Just because Riku was back more firmly in my life again, it didn't
mean I could get sappy over him like before. That would be stupid. No matter
what he thought he was experiencing.
 
Still, he'd been the best friend a guy could have lately.
 
"Thanks for letting me come over, Sora."
 
"No problem—it's really Mom you should thank, though." Stifling a yawn, I sat
up in bed. A quick glance up revealed that my skylight was covered in snow. I
couldn't see a thing out it. Figured. Freaking snow. If this kept up, we were
going to have a white Christmas, a fact that thrilled my mother to no ends.
Unlike me, she loved snow. I got my love of warm weather from my dad. Why
couldn't we just pack up and move to the coast? That'd be so much easier.
 
"I did." Riku sat down on the edge of my bed and set about to unraveling his
scarf. He pulled it free from his neck and then ruffled a hand through his
hair. He needed it cut again. It was getting really long. His parents must have
been freaking out about it. Not that Riku cared. He didn't have a great love
for his parents, and he believed that it went both ways.
 
They were gone out of state for the holiday, doing stuff for their retail
company in preparation for black Friday. This wasn't the first Thanksgiving
Riku had spent with us, and it probably wouldn't be the last. Riku's parents
took no shame in foisting Riku off on me. Well, in all actuality, they usually
left him aloneat his house with the house maid. When my mom had found out about
this, she'd nearly went off on Riku's mom until Dad got her calmed down, and he
called Riku's parents to inform them that he'd be with us. It had been like
that ever since.
 
"We should go help with the laundry like she asked," Riku murmured, and I
realized I had been staring at him for an indeterminate amount of time. He
hadn't looked away, though, just steadily held my gaze. Flushing, I pushed up
from the bed and headed for the door.
 
Why couldn't he have looked awkward?
 
Asked me to stop staring at him?
 
I stopped at the doorway, pressing a hand into the frame, and glanced behind
me. Riku was right at my heels, and he smiled when he saw me looking. Peering
at me through his bangs, he leaned in to my ear, not quite pressing his lips to
it but close enough that I could feel his breath.
 
"You're so cute, Sora."
 
My heart in my throat, I hurried forward and down the stairs, taking them two
at a time, eager to put as much space between us as possible. I was pretty sure
he was laughing at me, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to do this right now.
I had too many things on my mind. Riku had come into the game too late.

Besides, he didn't even know what he wanted…
 
Or does he?a tiny, hopeful voice whispered at the back of my mind.
 
I crushed it down. Thinking like that would only lead to hurting.
 
And I'd hurt enough where Riku was concerned to last me a lifetime.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
An hour and a half or so before dinner found me and Riku on my bedroom floor,
putting things into a box. It was all of the things I'd borrowed from Squall
and hadn't given back to him yet. I'd been so busy with school and studying I
hadn't had a chance to, and he hadn't exactly pestered me for them. In fact, he
hadn't even said a word to me since I'd broken things off with him. The hurt
from that had faded a little, but I still thought of it every now and then.
 
"What's this?" Riku held up a comic book as I piled video games and books into
the box.
 
I glanced at it. Squall had loaned me several comics. When I saw which one it
was, I shrugged. "Frog Prince. It's about some kid who dreams a lot. I don't
know, I couldn't really get into it." Maybe I hadn't liked the art much, I
wasn't sure why. It didn't matter now. It was going back to Squall.
 
"Fair enough." Riku grabbed the last of the things from the stuff I'd put on
the floor, and into the box they went. As one, we stood and let out sighs.
 
"I didn't think you were interested in comics," I said.
 
"Don't be ridiculous, Sora. I go to the store, like, once a week. I have a
subscription and everything."
 
I stared at him. He stared back. Slowly, an eyebrow arched.
 
"What?" he said.
 
"Nothing, I just…" I couldn't seem to stop staring at him. Since when had Riku
liked comic books? And why had I always gone by myself, for that matter? We
could have gone together! Why didn't he take me?
 
"You like them, too, huh?"
 
Wordlessly, I walked over to my closet and pulled out a box on the top. My mom
kept everything in my room organized, and she said that my comics took up too
much space. So there they were, boxed up in the closet, as they were so thin
and so many could be put in there. To be fair, Riku didn't come over to my
house often, unlike how much I went over to his, and I didn't read them as much
lately.
 
"Oh, cool," Riku said, directly over my shoulder. I stifled the urge to jump.
Why did he keep doingthat? Sneaking up on me! A moment later, he chuckled.
"Isn't this funny? We had something like this in common, and we hadn't even
known about it."
 
"Yeah…"
 
His chin came to rest on my shoulder, and we stared down into the box together
at a third of my collection. My heart wouldn't stop pounding. I couldn't get
enough air in my lungs. Riku was so close, I could feel the heat from his skin.
I wanted him to move, yet I didn't. God, this wasn't fair. So why did he keep
doing it? And why didn't I have the strength to push him away?
 
"Next time we can go to the store together, if you want," Riku said. "And we
can look through each other's books. I want to know which ones you read."
 
"Okay," I said faintly.
 
His fingertips touched my hip, then slid more securely around it. My heart
faltered. While I was still recovering from that, his hand traveled over to my
abdomen and pressed lightly into it. It only took a small tug, and he was
pressed up against my back. I could feel the hard line of him, from chest to
thighs, and all of me wanted to sink into him, to revel in what I'd wanted for
so long, but I—I couldn't…
 
I pushed back and stumbled away from him, and he let me. Red-faced, I went back
to Squall's box and hefted it up. It was time to meet up with Rinoa. Squall was
gone for the day with his dad, according to her, and wouldn't be back until
later. Rinoa was at the house and perfectly willing to accept his things before
she herself had to go see herfather. It was the perfect arrangement. Squall and
I wouldn't have to lay eyes on one another and subject ourselves to intense
awkwardness.
 
"Let's go," I said, and I didn't wait for him to follow.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
I sighed and shifted from foot to foot as Riku and Rinoa giggled together over
a picture message apparently one had sent the other the night before. I wasn't
sure how I felt about Rinoa and Riku becoming such fast friends. I loved them
both dearly, one more so than the other for obvious reasons, but… the two of
them? Maybe I was too used to Kairi and Riku not getting along. I should have
been grateful that these two did… right?
 
I wondered idly how Squall felt about it. He didn't seem to like Riku too much…
not that it mattered anymore, as we weren't dating… Well, even still, Rinoa
liked to hang out with her friends, and she liked Squall to tag along, too.
Yeah, he probably wasn't too happy about it.
 
Should I have cared?
 
Frowning, I tilted my head up to examine the sky. It was a bright blue for the
first time in days, not that there wasn't snow still blanketing the ground
everywhere.
 
I supposedI shouldn't have cared. Squall and I hadn't even agreed to stay
friends. We hadn't said much of anything. Nope, just me. Me and my, "You're
really in love with Rinoa, so why are you with me?" although not in so many
words, or quite so upfront. Yup, it had been a nice, clean cut. Nice and clean…
 
My eyes closed in a blink—
 
Riku's face was scrunched with disgust as he stared down at me. From up close
like this, I could see every shade of green in his eyes. They were so
beautiful… hewas the most beautiful person I had ever seen… so fair, so… well,
not sweet, but a boy could dream, couldn't he?
 
I hopped beside my plate to get more comfortable and gave him my best innocent
expression.
 
"There is no way I am going to let an amphibiansleep on my pillow, Father,"
Riku stated, straightening his back and folding his arms. He tossed his head to
flick his bangs out of his eyes. They were rather long, but I liked them.
 
"But you promised him, Riku," his father intoned from my left.
 
Yes, that was certainly correct. He hadpromised, whether or not he liked the
fact that he had, and I was damned well going to bind him to his word.
 
I shook my head. Ahead, the sky was rolling with dark clouds, and snow was
pouring down. Rinoa and Riku were no longer chatting amicably by the front
door. Now, they were hopping from foot to foot, Riku bundled up in his coat,
Rinoa sans one, and both of them shivering. Riku's face was pinched with red
from the chill outside.
 
"Hey, Riku, Sora!" Rinoa chirruped through her chattering teeth. "It's n-nice
to see you guys!"
 
"Fuck, it's really coming down!" Riku swore. He gripped the hoodie part of his
jacket and thrust it over his head before tugging on its strings. The material
came down over his forehead, and he turned his head to look at me, his bangs
plastered now over his eyes. He didn't seem to care, as long as he was warm.
 
"Silly you for walking!" Rinoa scolded. She dodged inside for a moment,
returned with a coat and a scarf. She quickly piled them on and shut the door
behind her to speak with us on the doorstep. It would have been awkward being
invited in, seeing as how it was Squall'shouse and not entirely her own. At
least, it would have been awkward for me. I was beginning to doubt that
anything could make Rinoa awkward for very long.
 
Riku bobbed his head in a nod. "Why didwe walk…?"
 
"Yeah, you could have just taken your car…" Rinoa laughed.
 
My lashes fluttered closed in another blink—
 
Riku set me down on the soft fabric of his pillow, his lip curled and his brows
pinched beneath his circlet. I beamed a sunny smile up at him, or at least as
much of one as I could produce. This body made it difficult to convey
expressions, and that was one of the things I hated about it most. Still, I was
glad Riku's father had made him uphold his end of the bargain. One ball for one
night on his pillow.
 
—swept back open in a slow sweep.
 
The sky was bright blue again. Rinoa had on her long-sleeved shirt, and Riku's
coat was unbuttoned, his hoodie down. Rinoa squealed and punched his arm as he
pointed to the phone they were holding and laughed. Rinoa had Squall's box
under her other arm, and she had to balance it as it jostled from hitting my
friend.
 
What time was it?
 
I pulled my phone out and glanced at it. "Rinoa, I guess we should be going.
It's almost five…"
 
"Awh, yeah, I have to go see that man." She stuck her tongue out. I would never
understand how she could refer to her father as "that man" so often, but it
wasn't my place to question her. "I'll see you guys around later, okay? Happy
Thanksgiving!"
 
She pecked Riku on the cheek, then put her arms around me in her usual parting
hug.
 
"Happy Thanksgiving," Riku and I chorused, and we all waved in good-bye as we
went our separate ways.
 
Still chuckling, Riku pocketed his phone. "I'm glad you stayed friends with
her, Sora. She's pretty cool."
 
"Don't you mean cute?" The question had come from nowhere, and I regretted it
instantly. Shit. I sounded jealous, and I—I… well, I was a little. I wasn't
sure where I stood with Riku, no; however, that didn't mean I wanted him
flirting with Rinoa, either. Not to mention she hada boyfriend!
 
I did my best not to pout. It wasn't quite good enough, and my lower lip jutted
out, anyway.
 
Riku put his arm around my shoulders. "Don't worry, Sora," was all he said.
 
I didn't have the heart to question him further. It would be risking myself too
much, and Riku, in the past, had always been a constant disappointment when it
came to answering things I needed to know. Don't worry. About what?It wasn't
worth it.
 
But Riku bumped his nose into my temple. "You're way cuter."
 
That was the second time he had called me cute that day, and I drew away from
him to frown. It might have been a little suspicious. He pretended not to
notice and gave me a quick grin. Huffing, I buried my hands in my pockets and
hurried on ahead of him. As I did so, I got the impression that he likedhaving
me run away from him, flustered. Maybe it was the widening grin on his face
whenever I did so that clued me in.
 
Whatever! No room for weakness! Stay strong, Sora!
 
Yeah… stay strong… I'd managed it for a handful of years now… I could keep
doing it… just a little longer…
 
Just a little longer.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Dinner wasn't really much different than usual. Really tasty food that came
once a year and Riku's presence, and that was about it. We all said Grace,
bowed our heads appropriately, and then dug in. The next hour was spent with
plenty of laughter, and ended with helping Mom clear off the table and start on
the dishes.
 
Afterward, Riku and I hauled ourselves upstairs and got ready for our favorite
pastime: video games. He was staying at my house for the rest of the vacation,
and we had a lot of time to catch up on everything. School had really been
breathing down our necks this semester.
 
We set up the console and my TV, and then plopped down on my bed on our
stomachs. I didn't have a set-up like Riku. The only comfortable vantage place
was my bed. My TV was also much smaller. I supposed we could have gone over to
Riku's place to do this, except it was warm in my house, and not just from the
heater being on. It had been a good day. It felt familial here. Just what
Riku's place was usually lacking.
 
It was a fighting game, and soon we were immersed in it, button-smashing having
commenced. I'd been practicing on my own for a bit with this one, so I wasn't
as bad at it as I'd been the last time Riku and I had gone against one another.
It was more of a tie now, which suited me just fine. As long as he wasn't
completely whooping my ass, he wouldn't get too smug. Riku was so insufferable
when he knew he had the upperhand. I hated feeding his ego.
 
Halfway through a match, my phone buzzed. I tried to ignore it, but thinking
about it who it might be split my concentration, and I lost the round. While
Riku was busy gloating, I reached into my pocket and flipped the phone open. My
eyes widened slightly. A message from Kairi? Really?
 
What could it say?
 
Happy Thanksgiving
 
That was it, nothing more, nothing less. I fought a swell of disappointment—but
what would I say to her, anyway, besides a returned sentiment? I still didn't
have any idea of how to go about patching up our friendship… Olette had said
stay away, and so I'd stayed away… Sure, I'd had plans to talk to her after a
few days of learning of Kairi's feelings, but I hadn't exactly gotten around to
it…
 
Lips pursing into a frown, I wrote her back the exact same message, then
flipped my phone shut.
 
Riku set his controller down, his eyebrows raised. On the TV screen, the game
waited for us to choose which stage we wanted to duke it out on. "Kairi, huh?"
 
"Er… yeah…" I mumbled. Still frowning, I eyed the screen. It was blank.
Normally, before the… chasm that had spread between us, she'd respond to me
within seconds. She was really good about texting. But—she had nothing to say,
it seemed…
 
I felt Riku's breath on my ear just before he nuzzled behind it. It was enough
to snap me from my thoughts, and I pulled away from him, scooting a bit more to
the side to put a few inches between us. I pocketed my phone and picked up my
controller.
 
"What are you doing?" I asked without looking at him. My voice was cool, yet
inwardly, my heart wouldn't stop pounding. He'd startled me, sure. Yet it had
been in a good way. For the fourth time that day, I wanted to do something
about it, reciprocate it somehow. I just couldn't let myself. It'd be stupid.
 
He didn't even know what he wanted. He'd said so himself. Sort of. Well, he was
confused! I knew at least that much. And I didn't want him to experiment with
me, and then he decided he couldn't do it, after all. That was fair, wasn't it?
Not wanting to be hurt? I kept thinking it—it was what it all came down to. My
happiness over his.
 
After everything that had happened in my life lately, for once I wanted to put
myself first.
 
"You smell good," he murmured.
 
We picked a stage and got back to the fighting, our eyes trained on the screen.
We must have stayed like that for hours, oddly quiet—normally we were making
such a ruckus—focused on the game. I knew it was because we were both musing
over what had happened, what Riku made me feel, what Riku could possibly be
feeling.
 
He didn't try anything again.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
I would like to say that the rest of Thanksgiving vacation passed uneventfully,
but that would be a lie, and also a blessing, which had been lacking greatly
lately.
 
Saturday evening found Riku and me out in town to get garland for the Christmas
tree. Our tree was fake this year, so we didn't have to wait a while to put one
up. My mom was so into decorating for Christmas, it was a bit frightening, and
we'd been smart enough not to question her enthusiasm. We'd taken the money,
and Riku had driven us to town, and that was the end of that. Better than
listening to Christmas carols and putting up the ornaments, neither of which
would have been a big deal except for the fact that my mom liked to relive
memories, and could go on about them for hours…
 
"Look at this, Riku. It's Sora's first Christmas ornament! I remember when we
got this…"
 
Yeah. You tell me.
 
We wandered the aisles, headed sensibly toward the Christmas section. The only
problem was… they'd moved everything around from where they usually had it.
Great. What a pain. The two of us exchanged a look, then split ways. It'd be
faster to hunt for the garland this way.
 
The store's stock was still being replenished from the chaos the day before.
Shelves weren't entirelyempty, but some came mighty close to it. The employees
looked beat. I was just thankful Mom hadn't tried doing this yesterday. She
abhorredBlack Friday. I hadn't actually been out on that day before—but I'd
heard enough stories to keep me from wanting to.
 
I weaved in and out of the aisles, eager to complete this errand and get back
home, when I spotted it. Grinning in victory, I ambled over to it and took a
minute to decide which one she would want. I liked to think I knew my mom's
tastes pretty well. I picked up a suitable amount of a desirable look, still
humming over it, and turned to find Riku.
 
And smacked directly into someone.
 
Letting out a yelp, I recovered quickly, and so did the other person. I had
made an awful habit of this lately, just running into everyone. I really needed
to watch where the heck I was going. Someone was bound to get hurt eventually.
Or me—my head was throbbing a little already.
 
"Sora…"
 
The voice made me look up, and my heart froze in my chest. Oh, no. Oh, no, no,
no. I sowasn't ready for this. It hadn't even been a month yet. Didn't people
need longer than that to recover from a break-up? Or something?
 
God, he looks good.
 
Whether or not I had ended things with Squall Loire, he was still an amazing
sight to behold. I wondered what he thought of me, because he was eyeing me as
intently as I was ogling him. We did this for several moments, just gazing at
one another, both silent, both solemn. Somewhere in the distance, Christmas
music sounded on one of those displays where they played samples of the CDs you
could purchase. A little kid shouted and his mother shushed him.
 
Man, I needed to say something. At the very least, excuse myself from his
presence. But I—I didn't—I didn't want—
 
"Did—you… get your stuff…?" It was the first thing that popped into my mind,
probably because it was the last thing for me to think about. It had only
happened the other day, after all. Since then, Riku had been constantly in my
presence. He made it difficult to think about anything else when he was around.
 
Squall seemed to debate answering for several moments, and then he gave a nod.
"Yeah…"
 
"That's—t-t-that's good…" Oh, wonderful, I sounded like a freaking moron.
 
Well, it was time to call it a day. I'd gotten what I'd come for, and there
really weren't any pleasantries left to exchange between Squall and myself. Why
linger? I was booting it to the door. Needed to find Riku, and we could leave.
 
I took a step back and felt someone behind me.
 
Unless he finds me first.
 
"Hey, Sora," Riku said. It had been a while since I had last heard him address
anyone with frost to his voice. I hadn't missed it.
 
Squall had nothing friendly to do, either. His eyes narrowed at a point over my
shoulder, and I knew that gaze was for Riku. So I hadn't been wrong in my
assumption! Then again, Riku had almost gotten into a fight with Squall at
Seifer's Halloween party. And on our second date, Riku had taken Squall's role
and hadn't left it alone… Yeah, there wasn't much to like, was there, and I
doubted they were ever going to want to know one another…
 
"Look who I found," Riku said in that same tone just as Rinoa bounced up beside
us, all smiles.
 
"Sooooraaa!" she cheered. "Riku wasn't lying! You really arehere!"
 
At that, the iciness dropped from his voice. "Why would I lie?" he laughed. The
thing about Riku was that he was a great guy when you weren't on his shit list.
Unfortunately, a lot of people were. And I'd been on it many times myself. So
long as Rinoa didn't do anything to piss him off, she was in a good place to
be. When Riku was happy, things were great. When he wasn't…
 
It was part of the reason why anyone who was his friend put up with him for so
long. He made the good times outweigh the bad.
 
"Er—hey, Rin…" I greeted.
 
She beamed a smile at and gave a cheery wave, the bangles on her wrist
jingling. She looked like she was just about to lean in to hug me, except… Riku
got there first. Suddenly, his arm was around my shoulders, and when he pulled
me against him, it was a much firmer grip than usual. I noticed by a very
subtle tug away that it was going to take a struggle to get him to release me.
 
This venture out into town just kept getting better and better.
 
"Awh!" Rinoa squealed, clapping her hands together. "Don't tell me! Are you
two—?"
 
Awh, geeze!
 
Before I could quickly inform her that no, we were most certainly nota couple,
Riku dropped a kiss into my hair. It surprised me enough that my mouth clamped
shut. "Yeah." Riku's arm squeezed around me, and the grin he gave Rinoa was
wide and pleased, as if we were a glowing pair of newlyweds or something. I had
to give him props. It was awfully convincing, and not even smug. "We're a
couple now."
 
Convincing or not, though, I had this strange feelingthat he honestlythought we
werea couple. And it was really strong, this strange feeling.
 
"Really?" Rinoa gushed. Her eyes were positively sparkling with joy.
 
"We're not—um… um…" Any denial I had been about to interject with was cut short
as Riku began to draw idle designs over the skin of my neck. The pad of his
fingertip traced over the nape, then up behind my ear. My lashes fluttered
shut, and I stuttered a little more, trying to focus. "…um… telling… very many
people…" Christ, my voice wasn't working the way I wanted it to, and my face
was bright red. I was going to killRiku later!
 
"I knewit!" Rinoa exclaimed, like she'd had an ah-ha, I told you so! moment.
 
"Oh, really?" Riku's hand settled back on my shoulder. "What gave us away?"
 
He was kidding, right? Was he really about to make us out to be the shy, albeit
knowing cute couple? No way! I was putting an end to these shenanigans right
this instant!
 
"Hahaha—haha—well!" I choked out, holding up my prized garland. "We should go,
Riku. Mom's waiting for us! Ready?"
 
"Mmm, yeah." Riku slid his hand around my free one and twined our fingers. He
squeezed our palms together. I tried to ignore the way that made my stomach
clench into knots. This was indecent. It really was. And unfair. "We should
hang out sometime."
 
From my left, where Squall was standing, the temperature seemed to plummet. I
very carefully didn't look at him as a shiver rose on my skin. I had a good
idea of what Squall thought of these not-yet-made future plans.
 
These two really hate each other, don't they?
 
"Sure!" Rinoa chirped, all sunshine and smiles. I half-expected rainbows to
start painting the air behind her, she was so pleased. "Text me later!"
 
"Will do." Riku made us do an about face, using his arm on my shoulders as a
guiding force. "See you guys later."
 
"Byeee!" she called after us.
 
We made it down two aisles before Riku realized what I was holding. "What is
that? Why do you have garland?"
 
I frowned. "That's what Mom wanted…"
 
"No." He shook his head. "She wanted lights…"
 
A month ago, I would have argued with him. Instead, I sighed, realizing now how
futile that was, and off we went to find a box of lights instead. Riku never
once let go of my hand, not even when we got to the check-out lane and I had to
pay. I didn't want to cause a scene there, either, so I let him keep it and
fumbled awkwardly with my wallet with the other. A few people were staring. I
did my best to ignore them, the tips of my ears red.
 
He didn't release me until we got to the car and had to climb in. My fingers
still tingled from where his had been laced with mine. I told myself not to
lament the fact that we'd had to separate, as when he'd first grabbed me, I'd
been irritated. Why couldn't I make up my mind? My heart wanted one thing, my
brain another. 
 
"Why did you tell them we were a couple, Riku?" I hissed. Shivering from the
cold, I bundled up in my coat and waited for Riku to turn the heat on. He
couldn't do it fast enough. I wanted it blasting on my cheeks right that
instant.
 
"Aren't we?" Riku replied, sliding his key into the ignition.
 
I glared at him with all the wrath I could muster. I had an inkling he still
wouldn't take me seriously. No one ever did when I was angry. "Since when?" Who
the heck cared if I was being aggressive? Now, if ever, I needed to put my foot
down, and the only way to get through to Riku was by snapping at him.
 
"Since you didn't tell them we weren't when I said we were?" He smiled again,
and there it was—snark, snark, snark written all over it. It set my teeth on
edge.
 
"But we aren't!" I half-shouted.
 
"We are now."
 
What kind of answer was that? It wasn't true! "We're not, though!" I insisted.
 
"Whatever, Sora," he said, and he turned on the heater full-blast.
 
If he said whatever one more time… "It's not just 'whatever,' Riku!" I could
honestly have strangled him in that moment! Didn't he ever think about anyone
but himselffor once? In order for someone to be in a relationship, they had to
have agreement from the person they wanted to be in a relationship with! That
was the whole definition of the word!
 
A Christmas carol came on through the radio as the last song ended. Riku let it
play, which surprised me. Normally he hated anything Christmas carol-related. I
had a pretty good idea that that came from his mother, who abhorred them worse
than he did.
 
Riku sighed and drew his fingers through his hair. "You're complaining about
this whyagain?" He swiveled in his seat to face me, his eyes leveling on mine.
 
I swallowed and gathered up my strength. It was hard to yell at him when he was
staring at me like that. I got easily distracted by the pretty green of his
eyes. Stupid Riku. Didn't he know how to be ugly, even when I was mad at him?
Even when he made a face of disgust, he was still handsome. It was—ugh!
 
"This is completelyridiculous!" I folded my arms. I didn't know what else to do
with them, and the more riled up I got, the more I wanted to fidget. "Why would
we be in a relationship together?"
 
"Why wouldn'twe?" Riku countered.
 
"Because—" I began hotly.
 
"You're in love with me. I'm not seeing anyone at the moment." He shrugged.
"It's perfect."
 
It was anything but! Why didn't he see that?
 
"We're both… guys!" I gestured between us, for lack of anything better to say
or do. I wanted to pound my head against the window. Or better yet, Riku's.
Maybe it would knock some freaking senseinto him.
 
His eyebrows rose slowly. "Well, clearly that didn't stop you."
 
I gaped at him wordlessly for a moment, then settled on a snarl. "This is
doomed to fail! Knock it off!"
 
"Howis it doomed to fail, Sora? We've been in a relationship for a fairly long
time—since we were kids. Three and four, if I'm remembering correctly, and I do
believe I am." He shifted in his seat to get more comfortable. "You're my best
friend. I couldn't be happier. Blah blah blah. How could it go wrong?"
 
Was he serious?
 
"Um, I don't know! Maybe because you don't like boys!"
 
"Well, I think I like you, and that's good enough for me."
 
"Why?" I demanded.
 
"Why not?"
 
"Because…" I was so flustered by how easily he was dismissing my concerns, I
didn't even know where to start. "Because…" C'mon, Sora, think!"I'm not… like…
anyone you've ever dated…" There! A semblance of sanity!
 
"So?"
 
"So—I'm not your type!" What part of that hadn't he understood?
 
"So that's got to mean something, right?"
 
I resisted the urge to flail my arms. "That's not the poi—"
 
"What is, then?" All at once, Riku's eyes hardened, and for the first time
since I'd berated him, an edge came to his words. "Stop acting like you don't
want this, Sora. I'm not going to break your heart. I promise."
 
I looked away at that, a terrible pang hitting my heart. He knew all the best
and worst things to say, and that was truer now more than ever.
 
He gripped my chin and forced my gaze back to him. "I'm not," he pressed.
 
I let him have my head, yet let my eyes look elsewhere. I couldn't bear to see
him right now. It was too much, too painful. I didn't want to believe in him…
not with this… what if he disappointed me…? What if this wasn't what he thought
he wanted…?
 
"What's it going to take to get you to believeme?"
 
Not trusting myself to speak, I kept quiet.
 
Another sigh left him, and he put his car into gear, his hand falling away from
me. "Then it looks like I'm just going to have to prove it to you, aren't I?"
 
"It won't work," I muttered.
 
"Why not?" he snapped, clearly frustrated with me.
 
"Why do you want it to?!" I exploded, finally looking at him.
 
"Because you're my best friend, and you're in love with me!" he yelled back. I
flinched at the sound of it and scooted closer to the window. It wasn't that I
was afraid of him. It was just that I didn't like to be yelled at. Hypocritical
of me, I knew.
 
"Stop being so fucking difficult, Sora. You want this. I knowyou do. I've known
for a long time."
 
I stared at him as the implications of that sunk in.
 
"Yeah," he said. "I have. But I'm not scaredof that anymore, all right?" He
flung up a hand. "I mean… I'm kind of scared… but that's what you're here for."
All the frustration left him in a rush of uncertainty, and he looked at me.
"You're supposed to convince me that it'll be okay."
 
"But I don't knowif it'll be okay!" Hadn't he gotten that by now? Hadn't he
understood?
 
"Why not?"
 
Honestly? "Why would I? This whole thing is—is…" Unexpected,to say the least.
Troubling. Full of potential heartbreak, despite what he promised. "God, Riku,
I don't know!" I put a hand to my forehead and sunk down in my seat. I had a
migraine forming between my temples.
 
"Why can't you just trust me?"
 
I shook my head slowly back and forth against the seat and let my elbow come to
rest on the windowsill. "Because… it wouldn't be the first time you've hurt me,
Riku, and I can't handle anything else happening right now."
 
"We're a couple, and that's final."
 
Thatmade all of me stiffen all over, and lightning fast I was up in my seat,
glaring at him again. "You don't get to dictate—"
 
He'd put the car back in neutral, as we hadn't gone anywhere yet, still
fighting as we were. I watched now as he ripped his hand off the stick shift to
thrust a finger at me.
 
"I'll smash the face in of anyone else you date! Okay?!" He was yelling again,
looking extremely shaken. I didn't flinch this time. I could only focus on the
feeling of my heart leaping up to my throat and refusing to budge. "I wanted to
punch his lights out when I saw him looking at you in the store!" We were back
to Squall? "I can't handle it! You're mine, okay? And if that's not a good
enough reason to be with you, well, then…" He laughed, a bitter sound that
didn't sound right coming from him. "I don't know what is."
 
Wetting my lips, I slumped down in my seat. Idly, I made sure my seatbelt was
fastened. I didn't know what to say again. My thoughts were awhirl, processing
what he'd told me. I knew it should have bothered me that Riku was that
possessive. It didn't. He always had been, it was just… now taken to a new
level… a romantic…? one…
 
Riku shifted gears, accelerated, and took us from the parking lot. "Okay?" He
exhaled, a rush of breath. "Let's just go home."
 
"Okay," I agreed quietly.
 
The rest of the drive went much the same way. Quiet. Contemplative.
 
Shaken. His words had threatened to upend both of us.
 
God, Riku. Why now?
 
===============================================================================
 
At school on Monday, Riku dropped me off at all of my classes throughout the
day. It was unnerving, not to mention the fact that more and more people were
beginning to watch this process. I didn't even have any peace from this at
lunch, where normally everyone left me alone. Halfway through it, I heard a
girl and her friend settle at the table across from me.
 
I didn't bother to lower my book.
 
"So is it true?" The girl asked. She was blonde with a short hair cut and a
cream sweater on. It didn't suit her. Not that I'd ever say such a thing. "Are
you and Riku a couple now?"
 
Her friend, equally blonde, crossed her arms.
 
I contemplated turning the page and continuing to ignore them, but they'd never
go away that way, so I lowered my book. The two stared at me expectantly. I
looked over their heads—a few eavesdroppers quickly averted their gazes. Yeah,
I had thought so.
 
Taking a bite out of my mashed potatoes, I lifted my book back into place with
my other hand.
 
I blinked—
 
"Would you kindly get me a cold glass of water to bathe in?" I asked as
politely as I could manage. I was doing my impression of being a good pet. Not
that Riku wanted me as a pet or anything—no, he only wanted me out of his life.
 
Riku shuddered. "No. I refuseto touch you."
 
That was a problem easily solved, and I hastened to say so. "But I can hop in
myself, fair beauty!"
 
"I told you to stop calling me that! It's… disturbing."
 
I cricked my neck and blinked slowly several times. My book was laying pages
down on the table. A different girl was sitting in front of me, but she had the
same expression as the other one. Impatience. Pursed lips. And her foot was
tapping on the floor. I could hear the heel clicking.
 
"…If you don't say anything," she said, popping her gum, "we're just gonna
assume it's the truth."
 
No matter what I said, it wasn't going to be favorable. If I confirmed it, Riku
won, and I wasn't really sure how I felt about that. If I denied it, on the
other hand, Riku was going to be freaking pissed, a situation I didn't relish
dealing with at that point in time. So… I opted to say nothing. It was simpler,
and I mollified myself by thinking of how if I never confirmed anything, I
couldn't be held accountable for it.
 
The girl and her friend, the two of them now with a pretty shade of brunette
hair to match their cream clothes, got up in a huff and stalked off when it
became apparent I wasn't saying anything further.
 
I spooned some soup into my mouth and lifted my book up, returning to its
contents. The world in it was better than the real one.
 
===============================================================================
 
The day didn't get any better. No, if anything, it only got worse. How, might
you have asked? Well, I would have answered, it was very simple. Kairi.
 
Riku dropped me off for my last period class, and unlike the rest of the day,
now she saw. Now she paid attention. Riku didn't notice, he was too busy
kissing my temple and murmuring something senseless there. Me, on the other
hand? I saw her. I saw her well and good. She was sitting at her desk, and she
was looking at Riku, and it wasn't… good.
 
I pushed at Riku, awkward. He ruffled my hair. "I'll see you after class," he
said, and he jogged off before the tardy bell could catch him.
 
Kairi looked away after that, and she didn't once glance back in my direction
for the entirety of the class, or even after it. I let her hurry out ahead of
me, my stomach clenched with dread. Something told me this wasn't the end of
it. Man, I hadn't wanted her to seethat. Iwasn't ready for a relationship with
Riku, so why would she be?
 
No, I didn't feel that way for Kairi. No, it probably wasn't any of my
business, considering the cold shoulder she kept giving me.
 
That didn't mean I wanted her to hurt.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
She showed up at my house well into the evening, at around eight. I'd finished
dinner, and my homework had been completed at Riku's house earlier in the
afternoon. I couldn't honestly say I hadn't expected her. That same part of me
that had known it wasn't over was well aware of the possibility that, finally,
she might show up. Talk to me. Something.
 
My mom yelled up at me that I had company. I knew without having to ask who it
was, and I pushed away from my desk, clicking out of my internet browser. I
made it to the door, opened it—hesitated. She was already there. She must have
been climbing the stairs when Mom shouted.
 
The guilt that had been churning in my stomach all afternoon dug its fingers in
deeper at the sight of her. She looked like she'd been crying…
 
"Hey, Kai…" I said.
 
"Can we talk?" She sniffled and shook her bangs out of her eyes. They roamed
over my room to see if I was alone. I wasn't sure who she would have expected.
Probably Riku. I thanked God he wasn't there. That definitely wasn't a
confrontation I wanted to have to handle, because Iwould have been the one
splitting them up.

With how venomously Kairi had been eyeing him earlier—I hadn't even thought she
was capable of such an expression… Sure, I'd known she hated Riku, she'd toldme
she did… Maybe it was just because I hadn't been around her in a couple of
months. Maybe I'd forgotten how deep that hatred went.
 
Maybe.
 
"Sure…" I stepped back to let her in.
 
We sat down on the edge of my bed, since it was the only comfortable place to
roost besides my desk chair, and there was only one of those. I put my hands on
my knees and didn't look at her. I knew it was cowardly of me. I just—I'd never
felt so awkward in my life, or so guilt-consumed… There was nothing I could do
about her situation, it was true, but… still…
 
Why hadn't I noticed?
 
Had she just hidden it extremely well?
 
It wasn't the first time I'd pondered such questions.
 
"Sora…" She took in a deep breath, let it out a moment later. "Olette told me
she told you."
 
"Yeah, I figured…" It had been really obvious, hadn't it? Even I could piece
things together with remarkable ease sometimes.
 
Silence settled between us for a good handful of moments. I knew not to press
her. Whatever she wanted to say, she had to do it on her own. It wasn't like
she'd come here without a reason. Kairi wasn't like that. She was too sensible.
She just needed time to gather her thoughts.
 
"Can I just—can we—try something?" she asked at last.
 
"…Um." I wasn't really sure where this was going, but—I didn't exactly want to
deny her anything right then, either, not when I knew I couldn't give her the
one thing she wanted most. "Okay."
 
She put her hand on mine. "Would you… be willing to kiss me…?"
 
Whoa!
 
I choked on my spit. "W-What?" I leapt to my feet and staggered away from her,
eager to earn space so Icould think. I completely hadn't expected that! Why
would she want to kissme? It didn't make any sense! Why, for that matter, would
she have thought I'd actually go along with it?
 
Her face fell—then hardened. She got to her feet and drew in close to me,
closing each inch I put between us. "J-Just to see!" she hastened to reassure
me. "I mean—you haven't ever even kissed a girl before, right?" Her smile was a
trembling one. I felt awful. "How do you know you won't like it?"
 
"Bwguh," I replied, because my throat was too locked up to manage anything
else.
 
Overload, mayday, mayday!
 
She was so close, I could smell her perfume, some flowery scent. I could see
the smeared eyeliner beneath her eyes. Her red hair was pulled back into a high
ponytail like she'd worn it at school earlier, and she still had her earrings
in. The thing was, Kairi was very pretty, I just—I couldn't… feel anything
beyondthat…
 
I would have tried, for her, except… except it wouldn't have been right…
because I already knew… whatever she wanted to do, it wouldn't work…
 
Her hands touched to my chest as I faltered in my decision. "Sora, please?
Please? I just—I want you to be one hundred percentsure that you're—"
 
I took her hands and gently wrestled her away from me. It killed me to do so. I
was watching her face fall all over again. I couldn't stand to see her so
crestfallen. But I'd rather have her hurt now than hurt worse later when this
all blew up in her face. It wouldn'twork out the way she wanted it to.
 
"Kairi, we can't," I said as firmly as I could.
 
Just as fast as her sadness had come, anger replaced it. Her shoulders
straightened, and her hands clenched into fists. "Why not, because you're with
Rikunow?"
 
"I'm not—" I bit my tongue. No matter what I said, she wouldn't believe me.
She'd seen enough. "No—it's just—this isn't good, Kairi. You know I'm not… I
mean—you know I'm… I'm gay…" She didknow. She'd heard it from me hundreds of
times before. Well, not hundreds. Once. But it hadn't needed to be said more
than that! "Kissing you would only be leading you on—"
 
"Sora, no," she begged, tears in her eyes.
 
I batted away her reaching hands. "And I'm notgoing to do that to you when we
bothknow this isn't going to work!"
 
"But what if it does?" she sobbed.
 
Oh, no, no, please stop crying, please. I felt like I'd kicked an abandoned
puppy. The grief in her eyes was almost my undoing. But I had to be strong, for
the both of us. Later, when she wasn't mad at me anymore, when she'd turned
that anger in toward herself, she'd realize that I was right. It was a small
comfort, nothing more.
 
"It won't."
 
"But what if it does!"
 
God, we could have gone in endless circles if this kept up. "Kairi, no­—" I
started, bracing myself for an argument. It never came. She could only take so
many rejections before it became too much for her.
 
"You know what, Sora, never mind!" she burst, tears streaming down her cheeks
as she pushed me away and flung herself out of the room.
 
"Kairi, wait!" I said, scrambling to catch up with her once I'd regained my
wits. One moment, ready to fight me on it, the next, giving up on me. I didn't
blameher for giving up on me, heck, it was what I'd wanted her to do, but
still. How did women float from one extreme to the next like that?
 
She stomped all the way down the stairs and was out the front door while I was
still reaching out for it. The door slammed behind her hard enough to make the
walls shake. I let out a yell of sheer frustration and took the stairs two at a
time back to my room. From there, I locked my door behind me so my mom wouldn't
pester me, and I kicked aside the clothes I'd worn earlier to school. There was
so much anger pent up in me, ready to be let free, and I didn't have anything
to do with it.
 
Why couldn't anything just go rightfor once!
***** Something He Couldn't Prevent *****
I couldn't believe I was here doing this. It was probably only because of
Rinoa. That girl fixed her big brown eyes on you and poked her lower lip out,
and you were a goner. No one wondered why she got her way so much. That didn't
mean it sucked any less—it also didn't help that Riku had started this whole
mess.
 
It was so cold outside, I was still shivering from it as our coats were checked
at a counter, a hostess waiting patiently for us. Riku was at my left, Rinoa at
my right. Across from me stood Squall. Neither Squall nor I looked particularly
happy. It was because we weren't. He possibly wanted to be here even less than
I did.
 
"Aw, c'mon, Sora, chin up." Rinoa folded her coat over her arm. "We're here
under the great Loire name to have a wonderfuldining time at this Italian
restaurant," she said, her voice full of exaggerated splendor. Her eyes
twinkled with the mischief of it.
 
"No, we're here because Riku wanted to hang out," I mumbled.
 
"Rinoa, I like your coat," Riku said, completely ignoring me.
 
She beamed at him. "It's from Burberry! I got it on clearance, though…"
 
He shook his head. "For how much?"
 
"Oh, $1000!"
 
I choked. Riku's hand clapped against my back, and the spit lodged in my throat
subsided. Rinoa was eyeing me inquisitively, head tilted just slightly to the
right. I stared at her, knowing my eyes had to be as round as saucers. Holy
cow! Who would pay so much for a coat? And—
 
"A grand on clearance?" I squeaked. Surely I'd heard wrong!
 
"It was a really good deal!" she returned enthusiastically. She must have
thought I agreed. Wow, she was reading my reaction entirely the wrong way. "It
was originally $3000, you know!"
 
There were… no words…
 
Riku chuckled, and I shot him a look that clearly said, "Shut up, Riku!" He
only ruffled my hair, and I swatted at his hand as we were led away to our
table. The ambiance was a low lit setting, and the smell of Italian was in the
air. My stomach rumbled hungrily. If there was one good thing about this
outing, it was that I'd get to eat.
 
We were seated and given menus to look over. They were pieces of thick paper,
and that day's date was in the upper right corner. I bit my lip, closed my
eyes, then looked down at the prices. What I saw nearly gave me a heart attack.
They were even worse than the place I'd gone to with Squall on our first date!
The sad part was, I was the only one at this table who couldn't afford it.
 
Riku took my hand and looked at me. His raised eyebrows told me not to worry
about it. I wanted to argue, but it was so quiet here, everyone speaking in low
murmurs, I knew not to attempt it. Later, I could give him hell about it—and I
would—just not now.
 
"Oooo, Squall, look at this." Rinoa reached over and pointed to his menu.
Squall's brows furrowed just a fraction. Rinoa settled back into her seat.
"It's your favorite."
 
I had no idea what his "favorite" was, and I had to squash the urge to ask. It
wasn't any of my business. Instead, I focused on my menu. Nothing looked
familiar. Chicken fettuccine Alfredo wasn't anywhere on this list, and that was
my default for Italian cuisine. Great. I hated having to pick something I might
not like. It would spoil the whole meal.
 
"Sora, you'd like this," Riku said, coming to my rescue. I didn't recognize in
the least what he was pointing at, except that it was some kind of ravioli. He
took my menu, placed it on top of his, and set it to the side for the waiter to
grab.
 
Much of the rest of the evening passed in this manner. Riku ordered for me,
never fumbling over the Italian wording. It made me wonder how much he'd gone
out to eat at places like this with his parents. Squall took Rinoa's order in
turn, and he didn't fumble, either. I'd noticed since we'd arrived that Riku
and he hadn't exchanged even a single glance, or spoken a word to one another.
Was it the only way they thought they could be civil?
 
Admittedly, I zoned out. I wasn't the only one. Squall and I pushed our food
around on our plates when it arrived, and I think between the two of us, we
took maybe five bites of our meal. Our eyes met once, only briefly, nothing
special. It had only happened because we'd both been letting our gazes wander.
Whatever Riku and Rinoa were talking about, I didn't know. To be truthful, I
didn't really care, either. I just wanted to be done with this.
 
Soon enough, it was. We paid our tab, got our coats, and we left. Riku and
Rinoa waved good-bye. I tried to ignore the pounding migraine I was developing
and didn't give Rinoa much of a hug back when she pulled me into her arms. I'd
feel bad about it later. Just not right then.
 
"Riku, you can take me home, I don't really feel like doing anything else
tonight," I said before he could get any ideas. Once Riku was out and about, he
liked to stayout and about, and we were forty-five minutes away in the bigger
city. Normally, I wouldn't have wanted to go home, either.
 
The thing was, it was getting difficult to be in public, and it was bad enough
at home already. The food everyone had ordered came out differently except for
mine. But, of course, did anyone make a comment about it? No. And why would
they have? To them, nothing had changed. It never did.
 
We had five different servers, the tables next to us kept shifting their
clientele… Heck, at one point, I'd been staring at an old man who, every time I
blinked, had been accompanied by a myriad of different people, and had even had
a toupee at one point. It was agitating, and my jaws hurt from grinding my
teeth over it. Riku and Rinoa's ceaseless chatter hadn't helped.
 
Why did no one notice any of this?!
 
"We're going to my place," Riku said.
 
I shook my head. Not tonight. I couldn't handle him tonight. "No, Riku, it's
late, and my mom will be worri—"
 
"I already told her you were staying the night with me." He smiled patiently.
 
I stared at him for all of about a minute. He held my gaze the entire time. I
looked away first, setting my jaw all over again. Damn it—why me? "You know,
Riku…" I put my hands in my coat pockets and tried not to think about the chill
permeating the air. A gentle snow was already starting to fall, the bane of my
existence. I wanted to go home and go to sleep.
 
"Yes, Sora?"
 
"You've really been suffocating me for the last two weeks." There was no other
way to say it. He had, and with Riku, if he was being purposefully infuriating,
you couldn't beat around the bush, as much as I would have liked to.
 
"So?" was his expected reply.
 
I sighed. Clouds of white streamed forth from my breath. "Most people break up
with their respective other when they're being suffocated."
 
"Not you," he countered.
 
My left eye took up a spasmodic twitching, and I put my hand over it to try and
stop it. I hated that I'd forgotten my gloves at home. A blink later, and they
were on my hands, keeping them perfectly warm. Manipulating my surroundings
would have been useful, except it didn't work when I wanted it to. Believe me,
I'd already tried more often than not. No matter what I did, Riku was stuck to
my side like glue.
 
And still insisting we were a couple.
 
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked tiredly. I didn't have the energy to be
full of my usual dignity. I hadn't gotten enough sleep lately for it.
 
"Just that you wouldn't do it," Riku replied innocently enough. His eyes
narrowed to counterbalance this, carrying a challenge. He knew I wouldn't back
down, so I really didn't know why he bothered. Maybe he thought I'd be too
tired to fight him on it for once.
 
"Yeah," I said, frowning, "I would."
 
"You haven't yet," he pointed out.
 
I huffed in exasperation. A little bit of my fire, nothing more. "That's
because we're not dating, Riku. And I'm telling you now."
 
"Well…" he began slowly, tipping his head to the side, his eyes rising skyward.
Just the tone of his voice rankled. I wanted to smack him one. I resisted.
Barely. "It was a date when we went to the comic book store… and it was a date
when we saw that movie… and that night at the café was a date…" He hummed. "I'm
pretty sure when we went to eat that Chinese, it was a date…"
 
My eye started up its twitching again.
 
"Oh, and just nowwas a double date," he finished.
 
I sighed and strolled toward his car, wary of skidding on ice. I didn't miss
the gleeful smile that broke over his face. He was obviously glad he won. At
least one of us was happy.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
At Riku's house, I didn't clown around. I let it be known that I was hitting
the sack and changed clothes in the bathroom. When I emerged, Riku was already
in his boxers and typing something at his computer. I slid straight past him
into the bed to take up my side by the far wall. He was beautiful, of course he
was, but it wasn't the only time he'd tried to get me to look.
 
A few minutes later, just as I was dozing off, I felt the bed cave in on his
side. I opened my eyes. He was smiling at me.
 
"How about a goodnight kiss?"
 
I gaped at him. I couldn't help it. Despite the fact that we'd been a "couple,"
according to him, for two weeks now, he'd had yet to make such a bold move. I'd
been glad for it, dreading when it was going to happen. Now the moment was
finally here.
 
Growling, I rolled over onto my other side to put my back to him, and I yanked
the blankets over my head. Riku was quiet. It didn't last long. I'd known it
wouldn't. It never did. He was an insistent bastard when he wanted something.
But not tonight. Nothing tonight. I couldn't handle it.
 
I was already falling apart.
 
Every day, just a little more…
 
The covers shifted, and then he was under them with me. He scooted up to my
back and put his arm around my waist, yanking me into him. I squawked,
scrambling, then settled in defeat. I wanted to say something, but nothing I
could utter would help my case, so I stayed quiet. It was useless arguing,
anyway. What was I going to do, sleep on the couch?
 
Besides… this was comfortable… if I let myself relax, just for a moment…
 
Riku's lips came to rest on my ear. I fought the shiver that caused. He was
fond of doing this. I hated it and loved it both. Hated it because it meant he
was winning every time he managed to get me hot and bothered. Loved it, because
it was Riku, and I'd wanted him for so long. I just—didn't want to hurt—
 
"Aren't you tired of fighting me all the time yet?" he breathed.
 
"No," I said, and even I didn't believe it. But I still had to try.
 
"Don't lie, Sora…" His fingertips touched my stomach under my shirt. I did my
best to ignore it. It was working until they started to glide lower. I batted
them away before they could get anywhere near my arousal. I so wasn't ready for
this. He wasn't, either. He just didn't know it yet.
 
"Riku, stop."
 
"Don't you want it?" His teeth caught my ear.
 
Heat squeezed a slow ball in my stomach. It was taking all my willpower to
fight him. Thankfully, I still had some left after that maneuver.
 
"Youdon't." I never said I had much.
 
"Sure I do."
 
Typical Riku. "You just thinkyou do."
 
All of a sudden, with a simple shift of his body, the line of that body was
pressed against mine, and I could feel everything. Like the fact that, like me,
Riku was also aroused. There went everythingI had been trying to fight against
since the first day of this. What was I supposed to do now?
 
"Mmm, I don't know if you're right about that," Riku breathed.
 
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Goodnight, Riku." I would not give in. I wouldn't!
 
Chuckling, he let his chin come to rest on top of my head. "Goodnight, Sora,"
he said, and that was it for the rest of the night. Minutes ago, I had been
dead on my feet. Now, I was wide awake. Sleep was going to be next to
impossible.
 
I hated him for that.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
I was having another dream. I wasn't surprised. I'd had many of them. Not the
regular dreaming. No. The ones where I wasn't sure what reality was anymore.
 
Riku was sprawled out on the bed beside me, peacefully asleep. His silver
tresses were spread over his pillow. In the room, it was so warm, so cozy. Our
legs were lightly entangled, just barely enough to be considered so. There
wasn't even a furrow to his eyebrow. I could have watched him like that
forever. I think I did, maybe. Or at least it felt like it.
 
I blinked slowly, and I was awake again, in a different place, still watching
Riku sleep. I was home now. Riku was in the exact same position, except the
covers weren't embroidered so richly, and there wasn't a fire popping in the
background. I watched him until my vision blurred. I was reluctant to blink
again. I didn't want this to change. Not when it was so tranquil like this.
 
This isn't your fault.
 
It whispered through the quiet of the room, as if on a breeze.
 
I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. I had to blink.
 
I woke again. Riku's arm was curled about my waist like the night before. We
were still spooning. Behind me, at the nape of my neck, his breathing was deep,
even. I swallowed and clenched my eyes closed. I thought about pinching myself,
except I suspected it wouldn't work the way I wanted it to. It never did.
 
Uneasiness stirred inside of me. I bit my lip and tried to go back to sleep.
But every time I did, I saw… something, something creeping around the edges of
my vision. Something sinister. Something I didn't want to think about. Like
Riku's body, sprawled and broken—
 
I sat up and got out of bed, unable to take it any longer. I wasn't getting
back to sleep, so there was no use trying. Why torture myself like that? I
grabbed my things and headed for the shower.
 
The hot water felt good, scalding my skin. I listened to the patter of it along
the floor. My fingers worked through my hair, shampooing it. I used Riku's,
because my own had been left at home, as I hadn't known I'd be spending the
night. It didn't really matter. Riku's smelled good either way, and I—I was
going to smell like him now.
 
Warmth curled through my heart at the thought, chasing, for the moment, those
awful shadows away, that nagging feeling of guilt.
 
I was just putting the conditioner in when the bathroom door opened. I froze,
opening my mouth to yell—and quieted. I didn't want to alert Riku's parents to
anything, like the fact that Riku was about to undoubtedly step into the shower
with me. That would just be awkward.
 
Sure enough, not a minute passed before Riku shut the shower curtain behind
him. I kept my back to him, my heart thundering, and finished conditioning my
hair. I reached for the loofa and soaped it up, then placed it to my arm first.
I could hear every thud of my heart in my ears, it was being so loud.
 
Riku reached over me, grabbing the nozzle head and adjusting it so the spray
would hit him instead. A moment later, shampoo squelched into his hand. All my
senses seemed extra sensitive, turning sound overly loud and sensation of touch
to almost hurting. The water was too hot suddenly, the scratch of the loofa on
my skin a sensation I didn't want to experience. I wanted out. At the same
time, I couldn't get my feet to move.
 
It wasn't long before Riku put the water back on my head. I closed my eyes and
let it pour over me in hot waves. A moment later, blinking it out of my eyes, I
watched the soap suds from my loofa swirl down the drain. I could remember the
last shower I had at Squall's house, when I'd done this exact same thing. It
was so long ago…
 
I closed my eyes.
 
Opened them.
 
I was walking at school with Riku, out in the parking lot. It was cold, the
winds blustery. My books were held tight to my chest, and snow coated the tops
of my shoes. Riku laughed as he finished jabbering about something. I stumbled,
blinking wildly.
 
Riku caught my elbow in his grip, his laughter fading. I managed not to let go
of my books from where they toppled dangerously in my arms. My heart raced.
 
"Are you okay?" Riku demanded.
 
I shook my head to clear it. The world didn't seem like it was sitting right.
Tilted to one side. Something. It was disconcerting, disorienting.I hated it. I
wanted it to stop. How did I make it stop?
 
…this isn't your fault…
 
At the voice, I lifted my head. Homework was sprawled over the dining room
table. Riku tapped his pencil on his notebook, his teeth on his lower lip. I
could hear the music rasping from his ear plugs from where I was sitting, just
faint strains of it.
 
What…?
 
Feeling my gaze on him, he looked up and offered a smile. An eyebrow arched.
Uncomfortable, I flushed and looked away. I didn't know what I would say. There
wasn't anything tosay. After a moment, his pencil resumed its tapping, and I
slid my finger in against the inside of my sweatband.
 
…I promise it isn't…
 
I leaned back in my chair.
 
The teacher droned on at the chalkboard, yellow writing appearing after his
hand as he wrote. I glanced at the clock. It was almost three, almost time to
let out for the day. All around me, people were shifting, in constant motion.
It was as if the threads of reality weren't holding in place right. Never
before had I felt so clearly the loss of what had to be my sanity. Yet I felt
calm inside.
 
Some seats were empty with fewer students in the class—each one filled—each
student wearing something different, all lookingdifferent. It hurt my eyes to
look at them, to try and catch each of these differences, so I focused my gaze
past them, to Kairi. Through it all, she was the only consistent thing—the only
thing that didn't change.
 
She scribbled in her notebook, expression focused on her schoolwork. She looked
up to the board. I followed her gaze. The board was a blackboard, a whiteboard,
a blackboard again. The stick of chalk shifted in the teacher's hand almost
like a rhythm, replaced every few seconds with a marker.
 
My eyes flew back to Kairi. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then
lowered her eyes to her paper. She wrote something else down.
 
She still wasn't changing.
 
…not your fault…
 
I sat up in bed, gasping for breath. A quick scrub of my hands over my face,
and I looked at my alarm clock. It said that it was midnight, almost on the
dot.
 
What day was it?
 
I pulled out my phone to see. The bright screen made my eyes stream after they
had been closed for so long. But a moment later, and I could see again, even as
I wiped the water from my lashes.
 
The third week of December…
 
Already?
 
My eyes still heavy, I shut my phone and rolled over to go back to sleep. I
sank into sweet darkness, happily letting it engulf me. It was easier this way.
To not fight. To just let all the strange things happen. I wasn't so confused
that way. I wasn't so—
 
The next morning, in between the bells, Riku grabbed a hold of me and dragged
me into the gym's locker room. I stumbled in after him, consenting with it,
only because I didn't want to make a scene in the middle of the hallway.
There'd been people still lurking about.
 
The lights were off except for the ones in the very back, and that was where
Riku dragged us. It took effort to put one foot in front of the other. I could
barely keep my eyes open. I was so tired. No matter how much I tried, I just… I
couldn't get enough rest... even if I managed to sleep all night… it didn't
matter…
 
I was so tired, I didn't even bother to question what Riku wanted with me. That
was so unlike me. When had I stopped fighting him? I'd been so adamant on it
before, just a week ago even. I'd wanted nothing to do with this. Now, I—
 
We reached the door to the coach's office, and Riku ushered us in. I barely had
time to let my eyes wander over the darkness of the room before Riku pushed me
up against the nearest wall. I barely missed hitting what felt like a box of
paperwork.
 
His mouth melted to mine, and a second later, his tongue roved over my lips. I
was so surprised, I let him do it—sank into his arms with a tiny groan as his
teeth found my lip and his hand inched… up… my back… under my shirt…
 
I shoved him away. What were we doing?! "Riku, stop!"
 
Breathless, he frowned. Somehow, even though it was dark, I knew his cheeks
were flushed. "Why, what's wrong?"
 
"We're at school," I heard myself protest, as if on auto. "Anyone could walk
in!" Wait, why wasn't I more concerned about the fact that I'd been letting him
start to feel me up a second ago? Sheesh, where were my priorities at? Then
again, what I had pointed out was pretty important, too…
 
"I told you it's safe," he breathed. "Remember?"
 
I frowned, thinking on that. No, I wanted to say, I don't remember.The words
never made it out of my mouth—memory was too busy flashing behind my eyes as
the edges of my mind flickered.
 
Riku—shoving me into the wall just like he had done minutes ago—
 
"The coach is never in his office this early in the morning," he breathed, his
eyes alight with excitement. "We'll be fine, okay?"
 
"Okay…" I mumbled uncertainly.
 
A grin spreading over his mouth, he dropped to his knees. His hands grasped my
thighs… his palms slid up them… his fingers came to rest against my belt, and
without hesitation, he began to unbuckle it.
 
I could feel my face darken to a nice shade of red. I was grateful for the dark
in that moment.
 
Riku nibbled along my ear, breathing my name and then exhaling there. I felt my
groin throb and did my best to ignore it. Riku wasn't having any of it, though,
sliding a knee between my legs and turning his head so he could kiss my lips. I
groaned quietly from his lips and his knee both, the latter of which had
started a gentle rotation.
 
My fingers dug into his shoulders. I didn't know if I wanted to push him away
or pull him closer.
 
"…isn't your fault…" he murmured against my mouth.
 
I felt my brows furrow along the bridge of my nose. "Riku—"
 
"Mmm?" he hummed.
 
"Why did you say that?" I breathed.
 
"Didn't say anything," he whispered, and his lips fell to my throat.
 
I lost the battle and pulled him closer. I just wanted to forget. Forget
everything. Forget the guilt that welled up inside of me every time I heard
those words.
 
…not your fault…
 
But it felt like it was, whatever I had done.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Riku!" I yelled as cackles rose high in my ears and debris fell from the
ceiling as the very walls of the palace shook. I leapt off the dais to the
throne and raced across the stone floor to where he'd fallen. Just the sight of
it sent holes into my heart. I couldn't breathe.
 
…it's not your fault…
 
I yelled his name again, darting past the witch. Still laughing, her voice so
thin and cold, she let me, the glowing ball of light that had surrounded her
palm fading away. Riku hit the floor, his knees giving out on him. He touched
his chest in disbelief. There was no visible wound, but whatever spell she'd
cast had hit him hard. His eyes, as they lifted to mine, were dazed.
 
"Sora…" he rasped.
 
"See what you've done?" the witch hissed at my back, the words full of venom,
her delight fading away so fast. "See what you could have prevented?"
 
"What did you do to him!" I demanded, whirling to her.
 
…you couldn't have known…
 
A smile crossed her lips. It wasn't a pretty one, if only because of the hatred
that burned in her eyes.
 
"If you had just loved me," she said, and for the first time, I saw warmth
gather behind her eyes. The tears fell, sliding along the sagging wrinkles in
her cheeks. "…If you had just loved me, none of this would have happened…"
 
…couldn't have known…
 
===============================================================================
 
 
My eyes fluttered open. I recognized Riku's plush mattress against my back,
which signified that I was on his bed. The lights were off, the curtains open
enough to allow moonlight to filter in. I stared at the sliver of it and tried
to breathe. My heart was lodged somewhere in my throat, and I had the feeling
it wasn't moving any time soon.
 
Are you ready?I heard at my ear, just a whisper of sound, nothing more. I could
barely even make out the words. It was almost as if they hadn't been uttered at
all, and that it was all in my mind. At that point, I wouldn't have been
surprised.
 
Fingers touched my cheek, and my gaze lifted.
 
"Hey, I'm trying to tell you something important…" Riku's smile wavered a
little, hesitant at the edges.
 
Oh… right… It was Christmas Eve, and he'd asked me over because his parents
were gone until about noon the next day…
 
Around him, the room slowly came into focus. I blinked to keep it that way. It
didn't move—stayed put. Good. I was tired of things changing on me. The only
thing that seemed out of place was Riku's smile. I didn't think I had ever seen
him look so nervousbefore…
 
It's time.
 
Riku stroked my cheek, his smile spreading just a little at the intent gaze I
was giving him. "You with me?" he murmured. "You've been really out of it
lately."
 
I'm sorry it took so long.
 
He pressed his forehead to mine, holding my eyes from up close. He was blurry
like this. I didn't bother to move away. Whatever Riku was about to say, it was
important, and I had to give him my utmost attention.
 
"Would you be scared if I told you I loved you?" he breathed.
 
The room shook violently. I sat up in bed, staring at him, breathing hard and
fast. He rose with me, his eyes never moving from mine. Again, the room moved,
jostling the bed we were sitting on. Plaster rained down in dust. The window
panes shattered, sending glass everywhere. Cold air rushed in, carrying snow
with it.
 
What—
 
What was—
 
Intense pain flared in my chest, and I screamed, touching my hands over my
heart and bowing my head to my chest. It was throbbing so badly I could barely
stand it. Blackness was creeping in, beating at my vision, and I shook my head.
The world rushed at me. Cracks appeared in lines in the walls—chunks of the
ceiling hit the floor—a horrible screeching, ringing noise persisted at my
eardrums, threatening to make them burst—
 
It felt like the entire world was falling apart.
 
It felt like I was going to break into pieces from the inside out.
 
Hands clutched my shoulders, and my lungs searing for breath, I looked up. I
realized at that moment that I hadn't stopped screaming. It choked in my throat
now as I tried to lock it against it. Riku stared down at me, his eyes boring
into mine. All of the vulnerability from before was gone.
 
"Don't be scared, Sora," he said, and I watched as everything around us froze.
The snow swirling in from the outside—the dust—the quaking of the room—even the
ringing in my ears had stopped. I slumped against him, almost choking on the
air as it rushed into my lungs and filled them.
 
Somehow, for just this moment, Riku had stopped the chaos threatening to
spread.
 
"It's not your fault," he said. His fingers came to settle in my hair, and he
held me to him. "It's always the hardest at the end…" His voice, as I listened,
trailed into an echo.
 
Suddenly, I was holding nothing. I was alone. It made me stagger forward, my
palms meeting the bed. I lifted my head, looking wildly around. Riku was gone.
But I—I—I…
 
I…
 
"—never be happy ever again," the witch breathed into my ear. I stared over her
shoulder at where Riku lay, crumpled, the spell finally have taken hold of him.
He wouldn't wake up ever again. The witch had cursed him. And she was going to
curse me, too, now. She was going to give me that very same one.
 
"…because you're going to be locked in a dream… "
 
I pried at her hands yet again—and was, yet again, futile. Damn it! I stared up
at her, my gaze finally leaving Riku. Wicked delight shined bright in her eyes.
Her grin was spread wide to show the whiteness of her teeth despite the age
that had been heaped upon her.
 
"I'm sorry he took away your youth," I wheezed. She wasn't yet squeezing hard
enough to entirely cut off my air supply. She didn't want to kill me. That
would be too easy. "And I'm sorry I couldn't love you. But I—"
 
"No!" she hissed. Her eyes were now at odds with her grin, bright and full of
that hatred, and I knew there was to be no reasoning with her. The madness had
taken her entirely. "No… this is your fault… and now you're going to pay for
it—you'll never be happy ever again, and every second of it, you'll know how
I've felt from the very beginning of this…"
 
"Don't—"
 
"I won't listen to your begging!"
 
"This isn't you—"
 
White spread from the fingers around my neck, shot into my skin—
 
…there was so much pain…
 
"Sora, let it go," Riku said, and we were back on the bed. We were back on the
bed in the dream that the witch had created for me. The dream that would loop
eternally, forever casting me into a realm of misery I wouldn't be able to
escape because I wouldn't know it wasn't real.
 
Riku was clutching my hands hard enough that it hurt. "Sora, let it go," he
said again.
 
"I can't!" My eyes were burning. I blinked the tears back. The dream was still
ceased in its crumbling, but that wouldn't last forever. "I can't, Riku—"
 
"Sora, don't be scared," he said. He grabbed my face when I looked away and
forced me to look at him. I could feel a sob choking me, and I let it. I shook
my head hard to try and win free my chin, but he wouldn't let me go. "Don't be
scared, just let it go—"
 
"But I—"
 
"It's not your fault!"
 
"But—"
 
It wasmy fault. If I had loved her—if I had triedto love her like she'd wanted
me to—if I hadn't tried to get Riku to break the first curse she'd ever placed
on me, the one that had turned me into a frog, only to be broken by true love's
kiss—
 
I would always see Riku there, broken—because of me. That wouldn't ever change.
It wasmy fault, and he knew it, and he was trying to save me from the grief of
it, because that was what Riku always did, he savedme.
 
But there was no saving me this time.
 
I deserved what had been done to me.
 
Her pain—she'd been through so much because of me—
 
"It ismy fault!" I yelled.
 
"Sora! Sora! Listen to me!" He grabbed me by the shoulders again, and this time
when he shook me, he didn't stop. "I don't blame you!"
 
But it wasn't just about him. It was about her, too.
 
Tears poured down my cheeks, and for once, I let them. "It ismy fault, Riku, it
is. Everything—everything… all of this… it's all my fault!"
 
Why couldn't he accept that, why couldn't he see?
 
"Sora, no—no—" His eyes were panicked, his words filled with the same.
 
"IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" I screamed at him, because nothing else would get through.
It burned my throat raw from the force of it, took all my breath, and when it
was done, I was alone again, and it was dark, it was quiet.
 
I could hear myself breathing, ragged though it was. I couldn't see, and the
silence was deafening. I knew I was still sitting down on that bed. I could
feel it beneath me. Nothing else was there, though. I sensed that.
 
Slowly, my eyes grew heavy.
 
When the urge to sleep came, I let it coat over me, gently tug my mind away,
like waves crashing up on a beach. I didn't fight it at all.
 
This was my fault.
 
I deserved it.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
My eyes fluttered open. I was strapped down in the front seat of Mommy's car,
holding onto my teddy bear. Mommy was calling my name, so I looked up at her,
blinking and trying to fight the sleepiness that persisted. She smiled warmly
at me, just like she always did.
 
"Sora, baby, we're here. It's our new house."
 
We went inside. Boxes were everywhere from the movers. I bit my lip and stepped
forward, my teddy bear abandoned in the car. I couldn't risk anyone seeing me
with it that wasn't my mommy. I'd gotten teased enough back home over it. We'd
lived somewhere warm. With a beach! It had been fun, and though this place was
pretty, it was cold and I didn't like it as much.
 
Mommy ruffled my hair. "Everything's going to be all right, Sora," she
murmured, as if sensing my pain. I smiled up at her. I didn't really believe
her. I'd had to leave all my friends behind. But she was smiling at me, and
that would always make me smile back.
 
Later, when I was outside playing with my ball, it rolled out of my hands and
took off down the street. We were in the mountains, so the road was sloped, and
I had to chase after it. It wouldn't stop… that is, until it hit someone's
feet. Blinking, I looked up. There was a boy standing there.
 
He bent to pick up the ball, then held it out to me. Brown hair darker than
mine hung into his eyes. Why hadn't his mother cut his bangs for him?
 
"Did you drop this?" he asked politely.
 
I nodded slowly. "Uh huh…"
 
Inside my heart, hope burned. Was I going to make a new friend so soon?
 
"Did you just move in?" he said, eyeing the moving truck behind me. I turned to
look at it, too, then nodded again.
 
"Uh huh…"
 
"I'm Squall," he said. "What's your name?"
 
So I didmake a new friend! "I'm Sora!" I said.
 
A slow smile spread over his mouth. I gave him one back, beaming brightly.
 
And for the next nine years of my life, Squall was my best friend.
***** His New Dream *****
"This is perfect," Squall's father, Laguna Loire, all but sang as the three of
us—that is, Squall, our mutual friend Rinoa, and myself—settled into our seats
at the dinner table. "I'm so glad you could make time for this, Squall. You
don't go off to college for the first time every day, you know."
 
Though it was a nice seventy degrees outside, it felt about maybe twenty inside
the house, courtesy of my boyfriend. He did not get along with his father at
all. It was something I found hard to agree with, considering Ithought Laguna
was funny and kind, but then, I didn't have Squall's outlook on life. That is,
anything that was overly cheerful, a klutz, and a "moron" on top of it,
shouldn't be allowed to live.
 
If you asked me, though, Laguna was far from a moron. How else would he have
become an ambassador?
 
At my left, Rinoa smoothed her hands over her lap and then tucked her hair
behind her ears. She'd recently gotten a manicure for this event. I knew,
because she'd fretted over it nonstop for the last week. Rinoa cared more about
making a good impression for Laguna than Squall did. Possibly even me, but here
I was, in a crisp polo and khakis. I had let Rinoa dress me. It had involved
numerous stores and a migraine, but in the end, here we were.
 
Normally, Rinoa and I didn't join Squall on his outings with his father. This
time, he'd invited us along since we were his friends, and it technically
washis going-away party. Not that it was much of a party. A huge dinner at a
huge table at a huge house and Laguna's company about summed it up.
 
Squall lived in my neighborhood, not far from me, just in the more expensive
houses toward the back of the area. Laguna was rarely home, so Cloud, his
bodyguard and caretaker, watched over him. I didn't see much of Cloud.
Supposedly he was always with us, but even right then, he was notably absent
from the dinner table. Feds. Had to love them.
 
"It's hardly abnormal to eat dinner in your own house," Rinoa said nervously,
when nothing from Squall was forthcoming after a steady two minutes of silence.
 
"Still!" Laguna said, holding up a finger. "I'm not here very often, am I?
Kiros and Ward…" He trailed off with a chuckle, then picked up his silverware.
"They made a joke about how I never take a day off. They said—"
 
"Dad, I need to tell you something," Squall interjected not quite so smoothly,
and we all paused to look at him.
 
Laguna's eyebrows rose ever so slightly, his eyes wide with surprise. "Yes,
son?"
 
Squall was silent for several long moments. He gripped his fork and stared hard
at his plate, and as I wondered what could be going through his head—something
I wasn't always privy to—his other hand reached beneath the table and took a
death grip around mine. Concerned, I bit my lip and laced our fingers together.
I was frankly a little surprised he was daring to even do this with his father
sitting right there across the table. Squall had never breathed a word of our
relationship to anyone past Rinoa, never mind letting someone even misinterpret
a touch between us.
 
It was a constant source of annoyance for me, but I enjoyed my relationship
with Squall, and it wasn't worth ruining it over soured feelings that he
wouldn't tell anyone about us. I respected him more than that, and I knew that
eventuallyit'd be okay to come forward.
 
There was only one teeny problem.
 
One small, tiny, almost invisiblereally, problem…
 
Laguna thought—well… he thought—
 
No, it was too silly. I wasn't going to worry about it right then. Obviously
Squall was fretting over something. He hadn't toldme he'd planned to make a big
announcement at dinner, but I was losing feeling in my hand as the seconds
ticked past, so clearly he needed my support about something.
 
I squeezed our palms together.
 
Finally, Squall lifted his eyes to Laguna's curious ones. His father set down
his silverware and rested his wrists on the table's edge, a show of being all
ears. He even gave Squall an encouraging smile.
 
The thing about it was, Laguna and Squall didn't look anything alike. Squall
didn't have Laguna's bright green eyes, and even the shade of their brown hair
was different. The structure of their faces weren't all that similar, either.
No, Squall looked almost identical to his mother, of whom I'd seen several
pictures of. The sad part was that Raine Loire had died giving birth to Squall,
and Squall hadn't exactly had a permanent presence in his life… well… ever.
Cloud had only picked up the job he held now when Squall was eleven.
 
It was part of the reason Squall resented Laguna, I thought, though he'd never
say it. Simply put, Laguna was so busy with governmental work, he was never
around. And, with never being around, he hadn't watched Squall grow, hadn't
been there to nurture his shy personality that had eventually grown inward,
turned him introverted, bitter.
 
I'd met Squall when he was nine. He'd already been somewhat closed off by then.
But he'd warmed up to me easily enough, and though he kept others out, not me,
never me. The only other person allowed in the bubble was Rinoa. It was a good
thing, what the three of us had going.
 
And now Squall was moving away to college… where I couldn't be there for him…
but Rinoa could…
 
"Yes, son?" Laguna prompted again, when Squall was still silent.
 
Yeah, Squall needed to say something soon. I was tired of being left alone with
my inner monologue. It was depressing the snot out of me.
 
Squall straightened his shoulders. Tossed his chocolate brown bangs out of his
eyes. Focused steel gray eyes on his father's green ones with a slight narrow.
 
"I'm seeing someone," he announced.
 
I was so surprised, I almost pulled my hand away. And thank God my fork was
already near my plate, because it dropped out of my hand.
 
Squall wouldn't let me move very far. His fingers remained latched around mine
like unyielding steel. There was no way I was getting out of that stranglehold
without a very ferocious struggle that would be noticeable to everyone present.
It might even upend the table.
 
Through it all, he didn't once look at me.
 
"Oh—…" Laguna gasped, then gasped again, his eyes widening. He set his hands
flat on the table and leaned forward, his eyes darting back and forth between
Rinoa and Squall. I felt my heart sink in my chest.
 
Such a silly worry. Nothing more. It was what I constantly told myself, but
whenever Laguna was around, he couldn't help but constantly prod at the idea of
those two being together. Usually right in front of me. It wasn't mean-
spirited, because he had no ideaabout Squall and me. Squall saw to that. And it
wasa natural conclusion, if you thought your son was perfectly straight.
 
And maybe I wouldn't have worried so much, either, if Squall was perfectly gay.
 
"Don't tell me." Laguna smiled secretly, his eyes lit up to a point of
brightness that was startling. The man was beside himself with joy at the idea.
Ugh, could I just leave the table now? Or at least sink beneath it and
disappear…
 
Rinoa held up a hand with a grimace. "Mr. Loire, it's not what you—"
 
"Dad," Squall said firmly as the man started to ramble on about what a lovely
couple they were. "Dad."
 
"—I always told you you'd—yes, Squall?" Laguna turned a pleasant smile on him.
I almost felt sorry for the man. If Squall was about to do what I thought—and
very much hoped—he was, it wasn't going to last for very long, that little
smile.
 
He was so happyat the idea of Squall with Rinoa.
 
Guilt clenching at my heart, I tried to signal to Squall not to go through with
it. A quick back pedal for my brain, sure, but I was going with intuition, and
that intuition said not to do it. It screamedat me to warn Squall off this. I'd
wanted it for so long, well, the past year, and now that the moment was finally
here, I was begging off. But Laguna looked so—happy, I really couldn't crush
him like that, or more accurately, let Squall crush him—
 
But I was forgetting one thing.
 
The last thing Squall cared about was his father's happiness.
 
"I'm not with Rinoa," Squall said.
 
Confusion flickered across Laguna's face. "You're not?"
 
Rinoa let out a breath and put her hand to her forehead. She must have been
thinking the same thing I was.
 
"No," Squall said, and right there in front of Laguna, he took our joined hands
and laid them on the table for the entire world—mainly his father—to see. I
could feel my face flushing several shades of red unknown to man until this
moment.
 
Disappearing under the table… if I was going to do it, now would be the moment.
 
Squall turned to look at me. "No," he said again. "I'm with Sora."
 
Laguna's eyes landed on me. They were wide again, and the shock in them this
time was pure and absolute. Nothing merry. Just—sort of… really stunned…
 
"Um, hi," I said, for lack of anything better that was roaming through my mind.
I bit my lip. Gestured to my salad. "Nice… um… romaine."
 
===============================================================================
 
 
 "Well, that went over extremely well," I said. Laguna was well on his way back
to the big city, claiming an emergency at work and waving his phone around.
None of us had bothered to question him. None of us had cared enough to. At
that point, we'd all wanted him gone, just so the awkwardness would end.
 
Squall stripped off his shirt, making a noncommittal hum.
 
I bit my lip from my position on his bed, a pillow in my lap. I dug my fingers
into it, shot a glance toward the open doorway. Squall arched a brow, then went
over and closed it. We didn't have to worry about Cloud eavesdropping or
stepping in, but still. This was the last night for Squall and me to be alone
together for a while. A semester, at least. I wanted to savor it.
 
Once he'd finished undressing, he settled onto the bed with me. A long sigh
rolled out of him. He turned his cheek on the pillow and gave me a smile. The
sight of it made my heart flip in my chest. He had the most beautiful smile,
and he didn't give it often, preferring instead to frown disapprovingly at
anyone who thought about talking to him.
 
"I'm going to miss you," I said, tentatively because he hated it when sappiness
occurred.
 
"Come here," he said, and he held out an arm to me.
 
I set aside the pillow and crawled forward until I could sink down against his
side. He put his arm around my shoulders and tugged me in against him. I rested
my cheek on his chest and closed my eyes. His skin was so warm. It always was.
Icy demeanor, but warmed from within. I loved the irony of it.
 
His fingertips traced down my arm. "No more worrying about my dad, okay?"
 
"Yeah…" I said softly. "Except now he hates me."
 
"It was the only way I could think of to do it," he replied. "And he doesn't
hate you. He's just… surprised, I think." Much as Laguna didn't know Squall
very well, Squall didn't know Laguna very well, either. "He finished dinner, at
least. He's fine."
 
"Isn't this reversed?" I propped my chin up on his chest and grinned at him.
"You reassuring me instead of the other way around?"
 
His fingertips found the small of my back and pressed lightly in. My lashes
fluttered. A knowing smirk formed on his mouth then, and he tilted his head at
me in challenge. Squall had a very unfair way of teasing. He often used my body
against me to do it. But, seeing as how it wasour last evening together for a
while…
 
Later, as he took me, his hands tight on my hips, my fists clenched in the
sheets and my face pressed into his pillow, I tried not to think about what lie
ahead of us. I knew how Rinoa felt about Squall. She tried to play it off, but
she looked at him the same way I looked at him, an expression I saw often
enough on my face in a mirror. I'd have to be stupid to miss it.
 
Squall was bisexual. Rinoa liked him. They were going to be off at college
together… alone… without me there to run interference…
 
Was I wrong to worry?
 
Yes. I needed to trust them. I needed to trust Squall. He would never do
anything to intentionally hurt me. Though he'd never said it, I knew he loved
me.
 
He uttered my name in a tight groan, then reached around me to grasp onto me. I
gasped, bit into the pillow to stifle my cry. He came seconds after I did, his
thrusts slowing, his breathing uneven, heavy in the room. A moment later, and
he pulled out, sliding down next to me on the bed.
 
I stared out into the room and tried not to think about how much I hated that
he was going. That he was leaving me here alone. It wouldn't be for forever.
And in two years, I'd be caught up, I'd be at that same college with him. We'd
have all our vacations together, too. He'd always come home for them. There was
nowhere else he'd go.
 
Squall put his arm around my waist and tugged me up against him. His nose
buried itself at the nape of my neck. Within minutes, he was asleep. He must
have been pretty exhausted. Normally, he tossed and turned for eons. He always
had a lot on his mind, worrying and fretting over every single little thing.
 
I closed my eyes and made myself drift off. My sleep was uneasy, and for the
first time while we were together, I felt more alone than anything.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Oh, Sora, I'm going to miss you so, so, so much!"
 
I couldn't escape from Rinoa's death grip, and for this time only, I didn't
try. We wouldn't be seeing one another for a while, after all. If she wanted to
smother me in her arms, who was I to be so unfair as to stop her? So I waited
patiently, then smiled as she drew back, her hands on my shoulders and an
equally fond smile on her face.
 
"I'll miss you, too," I said.
 
We were at the airport, freshly there on Sunday morning. I'd borrowed Dad's car
to drop them off, and they hadn't yet split for the metal detectors. I hated
that customs wouldn't let me back there with them. I wanted to stay with them
every moment I could until they boarded the plane.
 
"I promise to call you every day," Rinoa said earnestly. "Cross my heart and
hope to die!"
 
"It's okay if you don't," I laughed. "I hear college is like a full-time job.
You might get too busy."
 
"Nope, never!" She shook her head, then grinned at me and tipped her fingers
near her forehead. "Girl Scout's honor."
 
"You were never a Girl Scout," Squall murmured. He had a bemused expression on
his face as he watched the scene between us.
 
"Oh, Squall." She nudged him with her elbow. "You shouldn't make jokes like
that. Sora might actually believeyou."
 
"Are you kidding?" I crossed my arms. "I've known you almost as long as he has,
in case you've forgotten, and I definitelydon't remember you being in any Girl
Scouts."
 
Rinoa pursed her lips at that and put her hands on her hips. She leaned
forward. "Not at all?"
 
"Nope," Squall and I said.
 
She settled back on the heels of her feet and waved a hand. "Well, it doesn't
matter," she said, with such dismissal to her tone that I giggled. Her eyes lit
up, and she threw her arms around me in another hug. I staggered from the force
of it, but held on just as tight.
 
I really wasgoing to miss her.
 
"Be good," she murmured in my ear, because it was time for them to go. Squall
was a stickler about being on time for things, and he wanted to ensure they had
plenty of time to get through the detectors and settled into their gate. Never
mind that this was a tiny airport, and it would take all of five minutes to get
to that destination.
 
"I will," I promised. "I hope you're not bored for the next two hours."
 
"Eh, I brought a few magazines. I'll be fine."
 
She drew away, and Squall stepped forward. I hesitated, and he looked away.
Squall had never been good with good-byes, and I had never had to say good-bye
to him. It was a new experience on both our parts. Rinoa smiled knowingly, then
tiptoed backward until she could pivot and find a magazine rack a few yards
away to flip through.
 
"So…" I said.
 
"So…" he echoed.
 
I took a step forward. He let me. Now there was only two feet of space left
between us.
 
Just as I was trying to figure out what to say that would encompass everything
I was feeling at the moment without annoying him, he suddenly crossed the
distance between us and pulled me in against his chest. I stiffened all over
with surprise, if only because he'd never actually… hugged me in publicbefore.
What was going on with him? Last night at dinner with outing himself to his
father, and now this?
 
Not that I was complaining! No, no, not at all!
 
Warming from the inside out, I put my arms around him in return and cuddled
close. His chin came to rest on top of my head, his hand against the nape of my
neck. His fingers soothed through my hair. I inhaled his scent, eager to
memorize it more so than I ever had before. This memory would have to last me
through the next four months until I saw him over the holidays.
 
We didn't say anything. We didn't have to. I wanted to, but I knew Squall
wouldn't have any words and would just wind up frustrated with himself, and so
that was fine with me. At least I had gotten a hug like this. That made up for
everything.
 
He kissed my ear, then pulled away. We smiled at one another, and I put my
hands in my pockets as Rinoa rejoined us, and then the two of them waved and
headed off for the metal detectors. There was nothing else we could do. Well,
except Rinoa—she kept blowing kisses to me all the way to the detectors. I
laughed, because it was easier at that moment than frowning—easier to not think
about how I was going to be really lonely without the two of them there to keep
me company.
 
I watched them leave until they were through the lines and long gone. I
couldn't bring myself to move. Eventually, though, I felt someone staring at
me, and I broke my determined stare. It wouldn't bring them back, and I had to
see who was ogling me and what their problem was, or if it was just my
imagination.
 
Not—my imagination…
 
A tall, silver-haired boy with a back pack slung over one shoulder was eyeing
me from across the room. Even from right where I stood, I could tell his eyes
were a crisp green, they were so intent. He wasn't frowning, just—staring at me
reallyhard. It made me flush, and I swallowed, shifting nervously. I went to
put my finger under my sweatband and remembered I'd forgotten it at home that
morning in the rush to be up in time for Squall and Rinoa.
 
Wait, why I was I blushing?
 
Intense guilt took me. Squall hadn't even boarded his plane yet, and I was
already letting some guy check me out and getting moony over it? No, that
wasn't it at all! I rationalized it to myself. I was just embarrassed because
of such a direct stare. Yeah. Who wouldn't be after that? And it wasn't like I
was eyeing him back or anything.
 
Still—I couldn't look away.
 
Abruptly, a woman put her hand on the boy's shoulder, and I could hear her
frantic whispering from where I stood.
 
"Don't just wander off like that!"
 
The boy started a little, as if also broken from the trance, and looked up at
his mother. He eyed her for all of about ten seconds, then nodded, and they
took off over to a man dressed in a suit and tie. His mother was in a similar
state, with a lace blouse and a pencil skirt and hose and pumps. Hadn't anyone
ever told her that pantyhose was a bad idea to wear on a plane? Something about
a fire and the nylon would burn into your legs, and… yeah, I didn't know why I
knew that, and I only rambled inwardly like that when I was nervous.
 
Why had that whole exchange made me nervous?
 
Whatever, I was being weird. It was time to bail.
 
Yet there my feet stayed, unwilling to move.
 
The boy and his parents waltzed out of the airport, but not without a last
glance back at me over his shoulder on the former's behalf. His eyes raked over
me, and a tiny smile lit up the corner of his lips. I could feel my mouth go
dry at that, and then I really didfeel guilty.
 
What was wrongwith me?
 
Honestly!
 
Digging in my pockets for my keys, I headed out a different door, determined to
put it from my mind.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Yeah, home was boring as crap.
 
Everything I thought of to do reminded me of Squall or Rinoa in some way. My
comic books? I didn't want to read the latest editions, not without Squall
doing it first, so we could talk about it together. Except, oh, wait… that
might not be happening now. Putting my clothes away? Oh, look, it was the polo
Rinoa had bought me specifically for the dinner with Laguna. Listening to
music? Oh, right, I had that new CD…! That Rinoagave me.
 
I could always play video games, I reasoned. But I didn't want to. I'd been
playing a game with Squall, and we hadn't exactly finished yet, and it was the
only game I wanted to play.
 
Damn it all.
 
I sighed and plopped down on my bed, limbs spread eagle. My ceiling fan whirred
above me slowly. Outside the skylights, clouds scudded past, frolicking amongst
the blue. It was picture perfect. And boring.
 
I couldn't even tell anyone about my woes. Rinoa was the only one who knew
about my relationship with Squall. Even Kairi didn't know, though she
suspected. My parentsdidn't know. And that about summed up my list of potential
people I could tell. Everyone else was mostly an acquaintance.
 
I couldn't cry to a single one of them about how my boyfriend moved away to go
to college.
 
A plane soared past overhead, tiny from thirty thousand feet above.
 
I sat up and threw my legs over the edge of the bed. I couldn't sit in here
like this. It was way too depressing. If I went downstairs, my mom would just
find something for me to clean, or worse, she'd want me to help her make lunch.
I wasn't all that hungry, anyway, so it was time to skedaddle. Somewhere, doing
something. I'd figure it out when I got there.
 
Maybe I could even pen a letter to Rinoa when I got back. Yeah, that'd be fun.
Pen pals. Except that she said she'd call me every day… Well, I'd do it,
anyway. Purposefully leave out stuff that was happening so I could put it on
paper. It'd be recreational. Fun Yeah.
 
I couldn't do it with Squall. He'd find it too sappy. Rinoa was girly enough to
appreciate it.
 
===============================================================================
 
Outside, it was warm, and mostly quiet. Summer vacation was drawing to a close.
Birds squawked in the distance, and an idle breeze blew past to rustle through
the swathes of green leaves on the sycamore trees. They lined every street up
here in the mountains. People wrote to our town all the time for advice on how
to care for them. They'd been around a while.
 
I glanced at the sky. It was hedging now toward pink. I'd spent most of the day
wandering about. I'd started to pen the letter and had fallen asleep. I'd woken
up and taken to some more wandering. My mom was probably wondering where I was.
I'd been absent most of the day, and I'd only called a brief good-bye to her
before running out of the house earlier.
 
I sighed and held my papers closer to my chest as the wind threatened to tear
them from my hands.
 
Dear Rinoa,
 
I miss you already.
 
That was all I'd gotten down before I'd found it too depressing to continue.
 
A dog barked, and I spared it a second's thought, looking about. It was nowhere
to be seen, which meant it was probably in a fence somewhere. Some of the dogs
in this neighborhood were huge, and friendly, and liked to follow you around if
they weren't safely put away or on a leash. I didn't want to have to fend one
off right at that moment.
 
Silver flashed at the corner of my eye as I was turning around to continue on
home, and I stopped again. I followed it to its owner. My heart skipped in
surprise in my chest. That boy from the airport! He was heading out of his
house, a basketball in one hand, plugging an ear phone in his ear with the
other.
 
"We have so much stuff to unpack! Where do you think you're going!" his mother
yelled after him.
 
"Out," he said. "I'll be right here. Playing basketball."
 
"Riku, I swear, if you don't get in this house right this second—"
 
Riku. So that was his name.
 
I watched as he ignored her and kept on down the small walkway to the garage
pavement. His mother threw up her hands and went inside. She slammed the door
so hard the window panes nearby shook.
 
Riku dribbled the ball, eyes focused on it, then stopped, and—lifted his head
to look straight at me.
 
I swallowed. Somehow, I'd crossed the street and my feet had led me right to
the end of his driveway. Where the heck wasI? In such a lala land that I'd just
drifted forward like that? He was going to think I was creepy!
 
Giving him an awkward nod, I spun and hurried on my way. Inwardly, my mind
raced. So—he was new here in this town? His mom had mentioned packing… and
they'd been at the airport… Maybe they'd sent movers ahead…? Their house was
huge, and they seemedrich enough to afford something like that…
 
"Hey, what's your name?" Riku called after me, and I froze in my tracks. I
debated continuing on, but I didn't want to be rude.
 
Slowly, I turned back around to face him, and I bit my lip. "…Sora," I said.
 
He smiled. "I'm Riku."
 
The way he said it—the way he introduced himself like that—it made me tingle
all over in ways I hadn't felt before. My blush deepened to a fiery red, and I
backed up a few steps. What was I doing? This was so weird.
 
Riku seemed to hesitate where he stood, then he gathered himself and came
forward, shifting his ball from one hand to the other. "Hey, so, um… I'm… new,
to this neighborhood."
 
So I hadn't been wrong.
 
"Just moved here. Today actually." He laughed and rubbed one hand over the back
of his neck in a gesture that was so adorable I wanted to flee on the spot. I
had never been so tongue-tiedbefore. I honestly had no ideawhat to say to him.
I could only keep staring.
 
He licked his lips when I was silent, then offered me another warm smile. "Do
you think you could show me around?"
 
Oh—oh, no—
 
I shook my head so quickly I thought I might have given myself whiplash. I
wasn't sure why. It wasn't like I was cheating on Squall just by showing this
guy around, and I wasn't, but… I still felt so… horribly guiltyabout it… And
that alone, for whatever reason I had that guilt for, meant I couldn't do it.
 
"I—I can't…"
 
Disappointment flickered through his eyes. "Oh. Busy?"
 
"Yeah, I—um… dinner's soon, and…" It wasn't a lie. Dinner wouldbe soon.
 
"Oh, yeah, I understand." Riku's smile was faint now, not nearly so bright.
"Well, maybe I'll see you around?"
 
"Yeah, uh—sure, maybe—"
 
His eyes locked on mine, and I felt all the breath whoosh from my lungs. "No,
we'll be seeing each other around, Sora. You can't run away from me forever."
 
I stood there, thunderstruck again, except this time for entirely different
reasons. I blinked really hard. My heart felt like it was going to beat right
out of my chest. What…? What did…
 
A quiet smile passed over his lips, different from all the others. "Have a good
afternoon."
 
"Uh—yeah—uh—bye—" My voice cracking, I turned tail and fled.
 
I ran the whole way home, and not once did I manage to shake the feeling I'd
gotten from those green eyes boring so hard into mine.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
That evening, closer to ten, my phone rang. I looked at it, and when I saw that
it was Squall, I tossed aside an older comic book issue I'd been reading and
picked the call up immediately. Happiness rose inside of me. He hadn't
forgotten!
 
But why would he, Sora?I thought.
 
Because maybe that place was so amazing, it'd be easy to forget your boyfriend
back home who was already two years younger than you andstill in high school.
 
"We landed hours ago, we've just been busy unpacking," he said after our
initial greetings. The deep murmur of his voice was so familiar, all of me
seemed to relax. I fell back against my pillows and curled up around my phone,
like that voice was a lifeline. Right then, it was. I needed it to root me to
the ground. To remind me of why he was so great.
 
"That's good. How big is your dorm?"
 
"Kind of small."
 
"Met your room mate yet?"
 
"Yeah, he's some guy named Nida or something. I don't know, he's weird."
 
"Loud?"
 
"Nah, just overly friendly. Like he's trying too hard."
 
Squall, Mr. Observant. That was new. Then again, they'd probably spent many
hours together already. No wonder Squall was annoyed.
 
"That sucks. Maybe it'll get better?"
 
In my head, I could see him shrugging. "Maybe."
 
I was just about to reply when I heard a lot of chatter in the background and a
few hoots. Squall grew quiet. Someone was speaking now, someone feminine. It
sounded like Rinoa, which meant it probably was. Squall didn't keep female
company aside from Rinoa.
 
"I… have to go," he said at last, and nowhe was annoyed. "Rinoa wants to go
explore the campus. I'll call you later?"
 
My heart sunk, but I'd expected it. I tried to brace myself. It was always
going to be this way. I had better get used to it now!
 
"Oh, yeah. Sure… Um…" I wanted to tell Squall to call me in-between classes the
next day, but Iwas going to be at school all day, too, and I didn't get to use
my phone. High school. Just another leg of distance between us.
 
I sighed. "Just text me."
 
"Sure."
 
We hung up, and that was that.
 
I stared glumly at my phone. How was it that we'd been together for a year now,
and neither of us had ever uttered that we loved one another? I thoughtwe did…
and it didn't need to be expressed… or did it? Or did we? I had no idea. Now
wasn't really a good time to be pondering it, either. I'd just make myself
depressed.
 
With a sigh, I rolled over and snuggled down into my covers, ready to drift
off. There was a big day tomorrow, waiting for me. I was going to be a junior
in high school. Whoot. And then there'd be all that paperwork you always got
for the first few days of class that I'd have to take home and get signed…
 
What fun.
 
I stuffed a pillow over my head and drifted off to sleep.
***** A Cozy Tale *****
It was the first day of school, and it was doing a miraculous job of being the
most terrible one ever. First of all, I was completely bored to tears from the
simple fact that I was right: classes, at the moment, had nothing to offer in
the knowledge department, just a lot of paperwork to sign. Secondly?
 
I was lonely.
 
At first, I hadn't really noticed it. I had friends, sort of. I wasn't
completely destitute. There was Hayner, Kairi, Olette, Pence… The latter of
whom I didn't know very well, as he was a friend of a friend (Olette's), but
that was okay. They were at least someoneto fill in the empty holes Squall and
Rinoa had left me with.
 
There was only one problem. A small one, really. Miniscule. Nothing
completely—oh, who was I kidding?
 
Everyone had someone but me.
 
How had this happened? I was around for it happening. I was sure I was. I'd
just spent most of the summer moping about my boyfriend and best friend and
otherbest friend leaving, and I hadn't paid all that much attention to the
other goings-on in my life. Like the fact that Kairi and Olette had hooked up
and were madly in love, and Hayner was… strangely… with Seiferof all people,
and who had seen thatone coming, and—
 
Okay, all right, back up. I was getting ahead of myself.
 
Rewind to just before lunch.
 
I walked into class, binder in my arm, bummed out about the fact that my first
three classes weren't with anyone I knew. Oh, sure, I recognized just about
everyone, as I'd grown up with them, but none of them were people I spoke to on
even a semi-regular basis. I didn't hate them, and they didn't hate me, so at
least there was that. Silver lining and all.
 
Fourth period, however, was with Hayner and Olette. Imagine my excitement!
Imagine theirexcitement. Upon further investigation, it turned out they were
having the same problem I was with this year's classes.
 
"It really bums, I thought I'd have at least oneclass with Kairi," Olette
sighed.
 
"Maybe you will."
 
"No, we already checked our schedules, we have nothing together." She put her
things down on her desk, and I sat beside her. Our seats would likely be
rearranged once the teacher got settled in a few days, but until then, we could
enjoy one another's company.
 
Hayner took the seat in front of me since it was still unoccupied. "I don't
have anyone I care to talk to in any of mine, either."
 
I frowned and took out my schedule. They followed suit. Together, we discovered
that Olette and I had literature fifth period, and Hayner and I had
trigonometry sixth period, which was the last class of the day.
 
"Looks like I don't have any classes with Kairi, either," I said, bummed about
that as much as Olette was. After Squall and Rinoa, I leaned on Kairi most.
 
"It sucks being in a relationship and still stuck in school." Olette started
pulling her pencils and pens out of her purse, a tiny clutch she carried around
with her. The clutch was decorated in pink and purple flowers, with brown
leather underneath. It was cute. I recognized it from her birthday party a few
months ago that she'd invited Kairi and me to. Kairi had gotten it for her.
 
"Tell me about it," Hayner murmured.
 
That made Olette and me do a double take. We glanced at one another, then
together, we started pestering him.
 
"Who're you with?" I said.
 
"Yeah, who?" Olette echoed, her eyes bright with excitement. She twisted her
pencil around in her fingers.
 
Hayner blushed nearly to his hairline. He muttered an answer while he flipped
through his binder, sheets of blank paper with nothing written on them flitting
past. This act would have probably been more convincing had he an actual
textbook assigned to him and he was looking at thatto distract him.
 
"Who was that?" I wheedled with a grin and poked his shoulder, since I was oh
so conveniently sitting behind him.
 
"Seifer," he said, just barely above a whisper.
 
"What, get out!" Olette shrieked, and she hit his arm. She could barely sit
still in her seat, she was about to explode from the news.
 
"Ugh, don't," Hayner said, sinking lower into his seat. I imagined he wanted to
disappear into the woodwork.
 
I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Why him? He's such a jerk, Hayner!"
 
"Yeah, he's done nothing but torture you since the fifth grade!" Olette was
still trying to contain her squeals for his sake, though, despite this astute
assessment of the whole of their relationship. I had to agree.
 
"I wouldn't say torture…" Hayner muttered.
 
"He glued your books together last year," I said in protest. "Just because he
was bored, and he thought it was hilarious. He laughed for a whole week."
 
"Oh, and remember the time that you opened up your locker, and there was that
glitter bomb?" Olette tapped her hand against the desk in memory. "You were
getting it out of your hair forever!"
 
"There's still some sparkles left in my bookbag," Hayner lamented.
 
I sat up straight in my seat as another incident occurred to me. "Don't forget
the time that he stole your clothes from your locker in gym class because he
watched you input the combination, and you had to hide out there for the rest
of the day until I found them for you."
 
Olette giggled and clapped a hand over her mouth when it came out a little too
loud. "Really?" she whispered. "I had no idea about thatone!"
 
I grinned as Hayner groaned and swatted at me to shut up.
 
"Then there was the basketball try-outs last year," I supplied. "When it was
Hayner's turn, Seifer—"
 
The door to the classroom slammed shut as the bell rang, and we all twisted
around in our desks in preparation for class to begin. Olette shot me a look,
and we both smothered our smirks and giggles as Hayner's ears reddened. His
back was stiff with indignation. But it was hisfault! He was the one who had
hooked up with Seifer, his mortal enemy.
 
At first, it had seemed so funny—then I got to lunch, and Olette went off to
sit with Kairi, and Hayner to sit with Seifer, and I was left to stand there
awkwardly and decide what I was going to do. Olette and Kairi would just remind
me of what I was missing with Squall, and then they'd ask me why I was
depressed, and I couldn't give a good enough explanation. I didn't really feel
like outing my relationship with him at the moment, even though he had deemed
it fit to do so the past Saturday evening with his father.
 
There was Hayner… except he was sitting with Seifer… and while the two of them
were "friends" now as far as the rest of the school was concerned, Ididn't like
Seifer, and…
 
Egh.
 
And I hadn't even brought a book to entertain myself. I hadn't known I'd need
one. That, and I'd been in a funk since Squall had boarded that plane. I'd
almost left without much more than a book that morning. The keys to my car, the
tie to my uniform, my binders… The list went on.
 
I pushed my mashed potatoes around on my tray and tried not to be too
depressed. I was hungry—yet I lacked an appetite. I didn't want to eat. I just
wanted to curl up in bed at home and pine over Squall. We used to get lucky and
have our lunches together. Or if not Squall, then Rinoa. Only in high school,
at least, but that was still something. And now he was gone. And I had no one
to be with and I was going to have to watch everyone else moon over each other
and—
 
Okay, Sora, stop.
 
I took in a long, slow breath, closing my eyes.
 
"Hey."
 
I jumped as a hand landed on my shoulder. Snapping my eyes open, I looked to my
left, in the direction the voice had come from. Riku, the kid that had moved
into my neighborhood, gave me a grin. I stared at him in some surprise. What
was he doing here…?
 
"Looks like we have the same lunch," he said, and he plopped down in the seat
next to me. I continued staring at him. I didn't know what else to do. What
he'd said had made perfect sense. Of course it did. He lived in my
neighborhood. What other school would he go to? I just—for some reason, I
hadn't really given it much thought—
 
Okay, so I'd been eager to forget him. He made me nervous, my heart pound, my
pulse skip, my blood rush, although those indicators that this was someone you
should not be around when you had a significant other. Especially when that
significant other was currently far away, in another state entirely.
 
Right then, it felt like oceans separated us.
 
"Hi," I croaked.
 
Riku flashed me a grin of those perfect white teeth and I felt like curling up
into a little ball and dying. Oh, God, someone needed to make him go away! I
hatedhow I felt around him, completely and utterly detested it, and this was
only our third encounter, second which included actual exchanged dialogue.
Great, and I'd counted. That meant it mattered to me, that meant I cared.
 
"Looks like we have the same lunch." He rested his arm on the table and turned
in his chair so that he could face me completely. His other arm was on his
thigh. "Cool, huh?"
 
A million answers rushed through my head, ranging from, "Yeah, cool,"to "We
probably shouldn't be talking to one another,"to "Fuck, you're hot."
 
None of them made it out of my mouth. Instead, I grabbed my tray, pushed back
my chair, and headed outside where it seemed safe. Windy and cloudy and kind of
chilly, but safe. Besides, that was what my hoodie was for. A protection
against the weather. Right. Good. I was prepared for this. Subconsciously, when
I'd dressed myself that morning, I had known I'd need it for this exact moment.
Never mind walking to my car or particularly icy classrooms or anything of the
sort. No, it was for this.
 
I hit the outdoors and the crisp breeze felt good against my flushed face.
Unfortunately, it wasn't too long before I noticed that Riku had followedme.
God, couldn't he take a hint? When someone gave you flustered answers and
blushed a bright red and aborted their seated position next to you—oh, Christ,
it was going to seem like I liked him, not that I wanted to get away from him.
The problem was that I didlike him, or at least I knew I was going to if I
continued to stay in close proximity with him, and that was Bad News.
 
My pace quickened. His footsteps hurried behind me to match it. I walked even
faster. He didn't slow.
 
Ah, no, why!
 
I reached my favorite tree and pivoted so fast it was a close call. He almost
smashed right into me. His feet stopped as he rose onto his tiptoes. His
eyebrows rose, and a disarming smile spread along his mouth and made me melt in
places that were positively sinful. Sinful only because I had a boyfriend,
somewhere far away, far, far away, far far faraway, and he was
completelyunaware of this—
 
"I have a boyfriend!" I blurted.
 
…and could have died from embarrassment, except—why? It was true. I didhave
one. I'd just outted myself to a complete and total stranger. It didn't matter.
So long as he got the point, the point that I was in no way interested—
 
Slowly, those pale eyebrows arched even higher. I took a step back, my hand
feeling behind me for the smooth bark of the tree. I swallowed.
 
"That's nice," Riku said politely.
 
God, I was making such an ass of myself right then.
 
My legs were ready to give out on me, so I let them, and down I went until I
was seated on the grass. I very carefully didn't look at him as I spooned some
mashed potatoes into my mouth. My fingers were shaking. What the hell was
wrongwith me? Why couldn't I keep my cool around this guy? This was absolutely
ridiculous. Squall was wayhotter, and—
 
Was I just being loyal when I thought that? Or was it the truth? I supposed, if
I was being honest with myself, they were both equally gorgeous, albeit in
different ways. Riku was fair whereas Squall was tall, dark, and mysterious.
Squall could give me one good look with those smoldering gray eyes of his and
I'd be a goner. The only problem was, Riku was having much of the same effect
with his pretty green eyes, and they weren't even smoldering.
 
Oh, God, I was the most awful person in existence. I was, I truly was. Not even
forty-eight hours since my boyfriend's departure, and here I was, getting
swayed by a guy I had exchanged maybe ten full sentences with.
 
Riku sat down with me. "So…" He trailed off. Perhaps he felt as awkward as I
did. If I could have grown roots right then and become a tree, I would have. It
would have been much easier than dealing with the current situation.
 
"Are you a senior or junior?" I asked in between bites of shoveling my food in.
My stomach felt so uneasy, I knew I'd better down what I could so I wouldn't be
super hungry later when all of this wore off. I was one hundred percent I'd be
fine as soon as this guy was out of my presence.
 
"Senior, I think."
 
That caught my attention, and I looked up at him, curious, momentarily
forgetting how unsettled he made me. "You think?" How could you not know?
Unless he didn't have enough credits to bea senior when he should have been,
and was sort of in-between while he made up classes?
 
Riku smiled. "Can I tell you a story?" he said instead of answering me. My
suspicions grew. It didn't necessarily mean he was stupid. Maybe some credits
hadn't transferred over from his last school. That happened often enough. Our
school was incredibly frustrating like that. Yet people continued to come here
all the time.
 
"Sora?"
 
I shook my head to pull myself from my musings. A part of me wished I was rude
enough to tell him to go away, but I'd never be mean like that to someone, not
if they were virtually harmless and hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't
hisfault he made me want to cheat on my boyfriend.
 
Oh, God, and I'd now all but given voice to the thought.
 
"Story?" I squeaked. "What kindof story?" Who offered to tell stories, anyway?
We weren't two-year-olds. Hmph.
 
Riku leaned back against the tree, his long legs sprawled before him, and he
settled his hands in his lap. With a shrug, he looked over at me. I could feel
his gaze on the back of my head, and I forced myself to eat more quickly. Maybe
if I finished within the next two seconds, I could go hide away in the library.
That was, if he didn't follow me there, too.
 
"A story about a frog prince?" he offered.
 
That made me blink, and I looked over at him. "Like the fairy tale where the
princess kisses the frog and he turns into a handsome prince and they live
happily ever after?"
 
He gazed at me for several moments, his eyes carefully veiled, giving me no
clue as to what he was thinking. I bit my lip and let him scrutinize me for as
long as I could stand it before I squirmed and set my tray aside. I was
finished, anyway. There were only a couple of green beans left.
 
"Sometimes, Sora… you surprise me," he murmured.
 
Sometimes? "You don't know me thatwell," I said. "Of course I'm unpredictable."
 
"No." He shook his head, and his eyes lowered. "This is… different."
 
"Different how?" I dug my finger into the inside of my sweatband and plucked at
it. The gesture calmed me. This way, I wouldn't be fidgeting constantly and
letting on to how nervous he made me. Not that I hadn't shown him that already.
 
"What your mind comes up with to protect…" He shook his head with a sigh.
"Never mind. Anyway. Yes, I suppose it's like that, except in my version, it's
a little different." He tipped his head at me with a smile playing along the
edges of his mouth, different from his earlier ones, which had been so
confident and charming. "Want to hear it?"
 
A little weirded out by the direction that conversation had almost went, I
nodded despite the good sense to get up and leave. "Sure… I guess." I shrugged.
It wasn't cheating on Squall to listen to a story. A harmless fairy tale, at
that.
 
Right?
 
Right.
 
Riku drew his legs up to his chest. "Well…" he said, softly. "Once upon a time,
there lived a prince in a faraway land…"
 
"So far, sounds the same," I quipped weakly.
 
"Just be patient, Sora," he said with a grin, and then he sobered. "His name
was Sora." He said it so matter-of-factly, I almost didn't notice. But then I
did.
 
"Riku…"
 
"Yeah?" He arched a brow again.
 
"My name? Really?" I gave him a blank look. What was this guy doing? Was it a
way of flirting with me? If so, he was doing it exceedingly well. Damn it all.
 
"I thought it was cute," Riku said. "Do you mind?"
 
I puffed a sigh and thought about that. DidI mind? It was just a stupid,
harmless story, and he'd even said himself that he was just trying to be cute
with me.
 
"Sora…" He bumped shoulders with me. "Come on—you know you want to hear the
rest of it…" he all but sang, his voice still soft.
 
Mrrrgh.
 
Decisions, decisions…
 
"Fine," I said at last. "I supposethat'd be okay." I gave him a sideways
glance.
 
"Great." Riku twisted to face me, crossing his legs Indian-style and resting
his elbows on his knees. He leaned into me and started his tale again, this
time with a low voice, his eyes focused entirely on mine. I had to stifle the
urge to shiver. His direct gaze was a little unnerving more than usual this
time. "So… as I was saying…"
 
"Once upon a time," I offered.
 
He nodded. "Once upon a time…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a prince, and his name was
Sora. He was loved by his people for his kindness, and he was the heir to the
throne, for he was the first born, and his mother had not been able to sire any
other children. His father was just as kind as he was, and his mother, and
there was no sole person in the kingdom who was displeased with the royal
family.
 
Smiles were frequently found upon faces. No one starved. Peace was to be had,
as there were no wars looming on the horizon.
 
Everyone was happy.
 
It was on Prince Sora's sixteenth birthday that he met a young woman from a
neighboring kingdom. The two had much in common and quickly became friends, and
could often be seen arm-in-arm, deeply immersed in conversation. It was assumed
they would wed. There was no doubt in anyone's mind.
 
There was only one problem. Prince Sora didn't love her like she loved him. It
wasn't that he didn't want to. It was that he couldn't. Although he knew he
must marry eventually, for he was the heir and had no one to take his place, he
was too kind to do such a thing to her. He thought it would be easier to marry
someone who didn't love him as she did. Then their heart would not be burdened
by what hers undoubtedly would.
 
The princess didn't understand this. For the first time, they fought, and it
was terrible and bore a great many witnesses. Finally, she stormed off from the
castle in a rage, blinded by tears and grief. Prince Sora could only watch her
go, for it would not be fair to go after her when he could not give her the one
thing she wanted. His heart.
 
Many moons passed. He did not see nor hear from the princess again for some
time. His parents were unhappy with him for his decision, and he proceeded to
court others, ignoring them. He wanted someone who was not special. He wanted
someone who wanted only political gain, someone who would not expect anything
from him. He hated that it had to be this way. Every day, he longed for the
princess's company. He only wished it could have been the same way she
undoubtedly longed for his.
 
Unexpectedly, one night, he came across an elderly woman in the garden. He had
been unable to sleep, and so took to venturing, hoping the moonlight and cool
air would calm his senses and thoughts. Daily, he was plagued by the thought of
a wife.
 
But first glimpse was not what it seemed. The woman turned her eyes up to him,
and he recognized the shade of them instantly. He called her name with some
surprise, and pain crumpled her face. He'd recognized her where no one else
had.
 
"This is your fault," she said, and her voice was so thin with age that Prince
Sora shuddered at the sound of it. He wasn't repulsed by her, but what had
happened to her. He could not believe it.
 
"No," he said. He placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her close. "You
must tell me what happened. Who did this to you?" He touched her chin, and she
jerked away from him, her eyes flashing with a deep-seated grief he was not
unfamiliar with. It made him ache to see it. He whispered her name.
 
Slowly, she told him her story. She'd left his castle in misery, her heart in
pieces for he did not love her like she did him. She'd returned home, and for
weeks, she had pined over him. Then, on one stormy night, a man had arrived
through the palace doors, sopping wet and haggard-looking, as though he hadn't
eaten in days. Her father had offered him a place to stay in exchange for a
story, for the man was a traveling bard. The man had agreed.
 
His stories were so good, his accompanying music so beautiful, that everyone in
the court had immediately fallen in love with him. The princess was not to be
excluded from this. Sensing her interest, the man regaled her with tales of
faraway lands that he had visited, and she hung onto his every word. His tongue
was silver, his voice like silk. More and more, she craved his presence. He
made her forget all about Prince Sora.
 
But then—
 
Something terrible began to happen.
 
"What?" Prince Sora asked, his eyes wide, focused on her. Her back was turned
to him, but now she twisted to put him in her sight, glaring.
 
"Don't interrupt me!" she snapped.
 
He swallowed, then gave her a nod. Inhaling shakily, she closed her eyes and
continued.
 
The man was not who he seemed. His music, you see, drained the youth out of all
of those around him. It was a slow happening. It took many, many weeks before
even the princess began to notice. Her father had died, his heart failing him,
and soon after, his wife had followed. Children with white hair and wrinkled
hands. Elderly people passing left and right. Women with babies, miscarrying as
their insides grew too brittle, fragile, to carry a young one—
 
Yet no one knew the source. Panic spread. Only the princess knew. And only
because he'd told her.
 
His eyes gleaming with madness, fever bright, he'd come to her rooms and told
her of what, precisely, had befallen everyone. His music, he claimed, had the
magic to slowly steal the life force out of any who should listen to it. The
princess, he'd saved from it. He hadn't focused it on her. She was so
beautiful, he wanted her to join him. Together, they could live forever.
 
Appalled, frightened, she'd told him no. He hadn't liked that, and bitter with
rejection, he'd lashed out with his deadly magic full force. She'd regret
spurning him, he promised, and she did. He left her like that, an old woman
with the mind of a young woman, and he'd taken off into the night, before she
could tell anyone that it was he who had caused her kingdom such ruin.
 
Prince Sora stared at her in horror as the story drew to a close. He reached
for her. But she hissed at him and pulled away away, her eyes full with nothing
but venom, none of the kindness and beauty of her pure soul there any longer.
 
"If you had just loved me," she said, "this would not have happened. I'd still
be young. I'd be happy. But you did not, and I went home, and thishappened to
me."
 
He shook his head in denial. This could not be his fault! Her accusations were
ridiculous! He felt pain for her, but he could never have imagined that turning
her away to save her feelings would have led to this. "No—"
 
"Yes!" she raged. "Yes, it is! And I will ensure that you spend the rest of
your life regretting it as I have!"
 
She took off then, and the prince could only stare after her, stunned,
speechless. He wanted to chase her, to comfort her, but it was clear she did
not want such a thing from him. She had only come to cast blame on him, and now
that she had, she was gone.
 
He stared around at the pixies dancing through the gardens, soft golden balls
of light. They dipped and weaved over the water that was trickling past the
stone path he was standing on. Everything in that moment looked foreign.
Nothing was the same. He did not know what to do, except to warn his father of
what had happened with the sorcerer.
 
===============================================================================
 
The bell rung to signal the end of lunch, and it startled me enough that I
nearly jumped a foot in the air. Riku's voice had been so deep, so resonating,
his eyes so intent on mine, that I hadn't been able to draw my attention away.
I'd been entranced.
 
Slowly, I got to my feet. I felt unsteady, my head foggy. I shook it to try and
clear it. It wasn't working all that well, and I didn't know why. It wasn't
like I hadn't been told a story before. Maybe not one so depressing, but…
 
"I'll see you later, then?" Riku murmured.
 
I hurried off without an answer, completely rattled and unable to explain to
myself why.
 
===============================================================================
 
The rest of the day was spent in a haze. Olette tried to commune with me in our
fifth period class together, and Hayner tried much the same during
trigonometry, but I just couldn't focus. My mind kept straying back to the
story Riku had told me.
 
How horrible it had been for that princess. I was assuming that the reason
Prince "Sora" didn't love her was because he was gay. Still, though, it was
terrible… I could relate, for obvious reasons, to the prince, but… my thoughts
lingered with the princess. To meet such a fate.
 
It wasn't even real. I knewit wasn't. It was nothing more than a story Riku had
fabricated to amuse me—or spook me, I wasn't really clear on which one.
 
And yet…
 
I felt sad inside. Guilty. It wasn't even me who had done anything! Yet there
it was. It didn't make any sense, and it didn't matter, because it didn't
change a thing. I tried puzzling through it and failed. I couldn't even explain
my feelings to myself.
 
With a sigh, I gathered my things as the bell rang to end the day and the rest
of my classmates rushed from the room. I had first load for busses, so I needed
to get to my locker quick and navigate through the maze of chaos out in the
hallways.
 
I was just putting my last book in my book bag a few minutes later when Kairi
shut my locker door for me. Smiling, I turned to her and shouldered my bag. She
leaned up to place a kiss on my cheek, her hand around my elbow. Ever since
she'd gotten with Olette, she seemed much… happier of late. I didn't mind it
one bit. I hated it when Kairi didn't smile.
 
"It's awful that we don't have any classes together," she said.
 
"And none with Olette, either." I started walking toward the bus platform. I
didn't wait for her to follow. I knew she would. We had a routine—she knew how
it went. I usually always had first load.
 
"You do," she pointed out.
 
"I didn't mean me, I meant you," I said around a laugh. "Sorry."
 
"I guess I'll text you later?" We'd reached the doors that led out onto the
ramp, and though I hated to part ways with her so soon, I nodded. We could
always catch up later. Hang out. That sort of thing. We usually did, anyway.
The addition of school wouldn't stop matters.
 
"Yeah. See you, then." I pushed open the doors to the ramp and blinked against
the sunlight. It was excruciatingly bright that afternoon. It hadn't been
nearly so bad at lunch. The clouds had been covering it then. Geh.
 
Sure enough, my bus was waiting toward the end, ready to go. I climbed on board
with the other kids on my bus route, and I made my way to the back of the bus.
Seniors had precedence, and then juniors, and then sophomores, and so on and so
forth. Three rows before the back seat was empty, and I took a spot by the
window.
 
Eh, this was boring.
 
I pulled out my headphones and stuck them on my head, and then closed my eyes
and prepared myself for the next forty minutes of dropping people off. In a few
minutes, I'd pull out the book I'd forgotten at lunch and I'd read. Maybe get a
little motion sickness. Check my phone when I got home for any messages from
Squall. Frown when I likely didn't get any, because that was how my luck ran,
and then… homework? Dinner? Bed?
 
This was the life.
 
And that was when Riku sat next to me and pulled my headphones off.
 
I whipped around, staring at him, too surprised to even take my property back.
He merely dangled them from where they were hooked around his index finger and
tilted his head at me with that good ole boy smile of his. He honestly wanted
me to trust him so badly? No way in hell, mostly because I didn't trust
myselfaround him…
 
Would the endless guilt never cease? Maybe if I learned to keep my thoughts
loyal to my boyfriend.
 
Squall—Squall—Squall—
 
"Looks like we take the same ride home," Riku said.
 
"Looks like it," I agreed. "Although you didn't seem the type to ride the bus."
It was true. He seemed more like a sports car kind of guy. One his parents had
gotten him for his sixteenth birthday or something like that.
 
"We speak so oddly here." He lowered his eyes in thought, his silver brows
coming together over the bridge of his nose. He hummed.
 
"Huh?" That—hadn't made any sense at all… And it wasn't the first comment he'd
made that hadn't. I tried to recall what the precise details of the other ones
were and couldn't. They'd been too simple, too subtle. Regardless, I knew that
they had indeed been made.
 
But Riku only shook his head. "Don't worry about it. How long is the ride
home?" He drummed his fingers on the seat top in front of us.
 
"Forty minutes," I guesstimated. "Usually."
 
A promising smile quirked the corners of his mouth. "Want me to finish telling
the story, then?" He lifted his hand to brush his bangs out of his pretty green
eyes, then dropped it to the books in his lap. He apparently saw no need for a
book bag. He wasn't the only cool guy who didn't. I, on the other hand, hated
having my arms occupied constantly like that.
 
"If I can have my headphones back," I said.
 
He held them out, then withdrew them when I reached for them. I frowned at him,
and he laughed, poking my lower lip back in with the tip of his finger. Huffing
at that, I snatched the headphones since they were close, hastily stuffing them
in my book bag with my MP3 player before he could take them again.
 
"Sorry," he said. "It's just cute when you pout."
 
"I wasn't pouting," I fairly growled.
 
"No, you were just showing me your lower lip for the hell of it, right?"
Clearly amused, Riku ran his fingers back through his hair. I wondered why he
didn't just pull it into a ponytail if it kept getting into his eyes. That
would be the sensible thing to do.
 
Having nothing to say to him that wouldn't be incredibly catty and make me pout
again, I bit my lip and twisted to look out the window once again. Forget him.
I didn't have to take this abuse. Hewas the one who'd wanted to sit beside me.
 
"You never did take teasing very well," he hummed, and the words were very,
veryclose to my ear.
 
I fought not to jump a foot out of my skin like I wanted to, kept my eyes
firmly on my outside surroundings. "People are going to think you're gay if you
keep this up." The bus was full of gossipy teenagers. He wasn't thatoblivious
of it, was he? Already, a few sets of eyes were on us.
 
"And that would bother me because…?"
 
"Because… I have a boyfriend," I said, mostly to myself, closing my eyes. He
needed to stop speaking so close to me like that. It was making the hairs on
the back of my neck and on my arms stand up.
 
He drew away, but only a little. Enough to give me room to breathe, at least.
Our forearms still touched from how close he insisted on sitting next to me. I
determinedly ignored him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he was
riling me up, if that was what his goal was. I was a good boy. I could be
loyal. I didn't need this.
 
"So—about that story…" Riku trailed off, and I sighed.
 
"Sure." He was going to tell it, anyway.
 
And besides—a little piece of me… a littleone… didwant to know how it ended…
 
Riku settled back against the bus seat and rolled his shoulders to get
comfortable. He turned his head to see me, and I shrank back, closer to the
window, just so he wouldn't be in my ear when he spoke to me again. That little
smile quirked at his mouth. This time, I couldn't tell if he was amused or just
found me cute again. Probably both. Neither was an appealing prospect.
 
"Well, go on," I urged him, once the quiet gaze he'd laid on me had grown
uncomfortable.
 
"Well," he said, and still his eyes wouldn't leave me, "the princess returned.
It was on a dark, stormy night—"
 
"Of course," I muttered.
 
"—and Prince Sora was sound asleep."
 
I could feel my ears heat at the use of my name. This was just short of
ridiculous. Either way, I didn't interrupt him again. I'd made my token protest
at lunch. It hadn't stopped him then, and I hadn't complained overmuch, so it
wasn't like I could blame him now.
 
"She cursed him into a frog," Riku went on, and that made me sit up a little
straighter.
 
"But how?"
 
"What do you mean, 'how'?" He tilted his head at me.
 
"She was just a human, wasn't she? Or does that not matter in fairy tales?"
 
"No, it matters." Riku chuckled to himself, and finally, his eyes slid closed
and I could relax again. I hated how intently they could focus on me. It was
unnerving. "Glad to know you were paying attention to our story."
 
I found the wording of that odd, but yet again, I didn't question it. It didn't
seem worth it to argue with him. It was hisstory. Hewas telling it. How was it
ours? Or was I just being overly sensitive, picking apart his words like that?
"So how did she curse him?"
 
"I'm not really sure," he said. "The details of that aren't known to me."
 
What? That didn't make any sense. He was the one telling the story! "You're
kidding, right?"
 
But he only shook his head. "Nope. I really don't know. I only know that the
princess disappeared for a time, and, I guess, while she was gone, she immersed
herself in the dark arts. When she came back, it was with a vengeance. She
cursed Prince Sora, turned him into a frog, and told him that only true love's
kiss would break the spell."
 
I considered that for a moment. Prince Sora, like me, was gay, or at least that
was what Riku had alluded to in his earlier count of the tale. Getting another
man to kiss a frog would be kind of dreadful, at least in that type of time
period.
 
"So what happened then?" I asked softly. Riku had a distant look to his eyes,
and whatever he was thinking about, I didn't want to jar him from it.
 
After a moment, those eyes cleared, and he looked at me again. "He found a
prince."
 
One of my brows furrowed at that, and I inhaled, holding the breath. After a
moment, I let it out. He didn't seem fazed at all by my skepticism. "Riku," I
said.
 
"Yeah?"
 
"I thought this tale involved the frog meeting a princess." Not a prince. What,
had he wanted to take the difficulty level out of the curse or something? It
would have been infinitely more terrible for my alter ego if he had never met
his match. Then again, a kiss given by "true love" didn't necessarily have to
be two-sided…
 
"You mentioned a boyfriend," Riku said smoothly.
 
For some reason, that made my entire face burn. I cleared my throat and averted
my eyes to the window. We were nearly at my house. This tale would have to be
put on hold again, unless Riku managed to wrap it up within the next five
minutes, something I doubted. He was having too much fun.
 
"The prince had just received a magic ball from a friend, one that changed
colors in the light, but in his distraction, he tripped over a tree root, and—"
 
"The ball fell into the well," I finished for him, if not a bit curtly. I just
wanted this over and done with for the afternoon, so I could get home and
pretend I wasn't going to spend every next minute I was awake thinking about it
and then some.
 
"Yes. And that was where Prince Riku met the frog."
 
I jerked back around at that, staring at him.  He was seriously putting himself
into this story? As the prince, of all things? I had to give the guy credit.
His way of flirting stretched very far into the elaborate bounds. But a tiny
piece of me had to admit that I liked his cleverness.
 
He held my gaze, and this time, his smile wasn't there. I felt the bus roll to
a stop and the doors open, and a classmate shook my shoulder and told me it was
my stop when I didn't immediately move. And still I didn't, not wanting to, not
yet.
 
"Shiozu, are you getting off here or not?" the bus driver called from the
front.
 
That was it, then.
 
I made it around Riku and into the aisle before he caught my hand. When I
whirled about to stare down at him again, something was in his eyes, something
pleading. It made my throat tight. What was this about?
 
"Don't you remember?" he said, his eyes boring into mine, searching them,
searching them for something I didn't know, couldn't figure out.
 
"Remember what?" I all but squeaked. Somehow, he'd stolen my voice from me.
 
His smile, then, returned, and it was rueful. He let me go, and as I ambled off
the bus, hearing my footsteps clomp, I could feel his eyes on my back. I could
feel them even as the bus pulled away from my drive and I was left alone there
on the pavement.
 
I rushed inside to escape the feeling of it, my heart pounding at my ribs. It
wasn't until I was upstairs and my book bag was deposited on my desk chair that
I pulled out my phone to check it for messages. I hadn't heard from either
Rinoa orSquall… and I still hadn't. No new messages waited for me.
 
Sighing, I plopped down on my bed and curled up on my side. I squeezed my eyes
shut. I had nothing to distract me from the oddity that was Riku, nothing to
distract me from how he made me feel. I had a boyfriend.This really sucked.
 
I drifted off into a light doze, and I dreamed. I was moving up through water,
enclosed on all sides by smooth stone, and at the top, that water rippled. In
my hands, I clutched a golden ball. There was a face above mine, peering down
at me, silver brows knitted with worry. A circlet rested above them.
 
"Did you get it?" I heard, muffled through the water, just before I surfaced.
 
I woke to my door being pounded on. I sat up with a gasp, propped up on an
elbow, staring blearily at the time. For a moment, I was disoriented. Was it
the morning? Had I slept the night away? But no, it was nearly six—in the
afternoon.
 
"Sora," Mom said through my door. "It's dinner time."
 
Dazed, I swept my legs off the bed and started for the door. I rubbed the sleep
from my eyes and tried to get a tighter focus on the world. But inside, there
was a light in my heart, and it burned. It burned to know more.
 
I'd ask Riku to finish the story the next day.
 
I had to know how it ended.
***** Wake Up, Sora *****
Riku arrived at lunch the next day before I did. After spotting his head of
silver in a sea of brunettes, I quickly walked over to him, pulling out a chair
and settling in with my lunch tray. He looked up at my arrival, a dazzling
smile already on his mouth that took my breath away. My cheeks heating, I
refused to give him a reaction and looked away.
 
The only person who should have made my heart flutter like that was Squall. So
why, then, was my heart being so fickle? It wasn't fair! Avoiding Riku was
probably the wisest course of action, yet I'd already made up my mind not to. I
had to find out the rest of the story.
 
"Sora," he greeted. "I see you went through the pizza line."
 
"They're serving coleslaw today." I made a face. Coincidentally, they had also
cut the grass. I knew it was urban legend, but it still wasa huge coincidence…
At any rate, I hated coleslaw and avoided it at all costs.
 
A moment of silence passed between us, and I pressed the conversation, not
comfortable with it. "And I see youbrought your lunch from home." I couldn't
entirely keep my distaste out of my mutual observation. Eating a sandwich and a
small baggie of chips every day got old.
 
An odd look crossed his face, then. He looked down, saw the lunchbox in front
of him, and then shrugged. "Seems I did."
 
I bit my lip. Sometimes he really did say the strangest stuff… "What's in it?"
 
Riku shot me a smile and started to unzip the blue box. "Let's find out."
 
Again, this struck me as odd. "Did your mom make it?" Geeze, the kid was in
high school now. He should have been making his own lunches. If I asked mymom
to make me lunch nowadays, she'd laugh at me and tell me I wasn't
incapacitated.
 
"I don't know, Sora." He pulled out a container of a leftover pizza slice,
along with a soda,  a baggie of chips, and utensils. "You tell me. Did she?"
 
Okay… He was just being… reallyweird… and it was making me super uncomfortable.
Something in the back of my brain seemed to be screaming maydayat me, and I
pursed my lips and rose from the table. I'd just go eat somewhere else, rethink
my plan to find out everything. This was just too bizarre.
 
When he saw me start to go, he looked up and then laughed. "Come on, Sora, it
was just a joke." He cracked open his soda. "I'm just a jerk like that."
 
I thought back to what he'd said only moments ago. Yes, I supposed it could
have been construed as a smart-alecky joke. But I hadn't taken it that way. I'd
taken his words literally, and only because of all the other sorts of things
he'd been saying to me since yesterday.
 
"Don't you remember?"he'd whispered on the bus, holding onto my wrist, his
green eyes intent and boring straight through mine, as though they knew all the
secrets of my soul. And my answering question, remember what?
 
"I had a dream last night," I heard myself say. "About the frog prince."
 
"Seems like my story made an impression." He didn't look at me, instead popping
the lid off his pizza and pulling the slice onto his paper towel. It was full
of meat and peppers. Yum. I was suddenly envious of it, compared to my own
paltry pizza I'd paid for minutes ago.
 
"Maybe," I replied. "Don't you want to know what it was about?"
 
Hesitating, he lifted his gaze from his food. His eyes lingered over mine, as
though searching for something. I held his gaze, even though I was the one who
wanted to look away now. It wasn't like I had any secrets to keep from him. But
those eyes—my heart stillwouldn't stop skipping…
 
The crazy thing was… I felt like… those eyes—I felt like they knew me… knew me
better than I knew myself…
 
But that was crazy. I'd never met Riku until the other day. I was sure of that.
Would have bet my life on it. Why, then, did he make me feel like this? Hot and
cold all at once? Longing, and at the same time, eager to push him away? I
didn't understand any of it. It was making me lightheaded.
 
"I was the frog," I whispered. "I was swimming up through the well… and you
were there… I had the magic ball in my hands… and you asked me if I'd gotten
it…"
 
"And then?" he whispered back, careful not to raise his voice above mine.
 
My brows drew together, and I swallowed. "That's it. That's all I remember."
The words escaped me on their own. That hadn't been what I was going to say.
That's where the dream endedhad been on the tip of my tongue. Instead,
something else had come out.
 
He reached up, taking my hand. His fingers squeezed around mine. "Try to
remember more, Sora."
 
I blinked. Hard, in rapid succession. I shook my head hard, put my hands to
either side of it. I staggered back a step as the world spun. All at once, the
disorientation left, and I was seated at the lunch table again, and Riku was
biting into his pizza. I stared at him, willing myself to make sense of what
had just happened.
 
"You did it again," he chuckled to himself. Pain had furrowed his brow. "Why do
you keep me out?"
 
As though it had never left at all, the dizziness rushed back. It was enough to
make me collapse in on myself, clutching my stomach, my eyes shut tight against
the world. I couldn't think straight, couldn't understand the nausea that had
gripped me. A sharp ringing noise was going off in my ears. God, why wouldn't
it stop?
 
Just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. I blinked slowly, gasping for
breath. I lifted my forehead from the table, from where I'd apparently pressed
it there. I was sitting by myself, my tray of pizza off to the side. No one was
looking in my direction. No one had noticed my freak-out.
 
I shook my head and placed a hand to my forehead. What was I doing? Oh, right.
I'd been eating lunch, on my own because once again my friends were with their
respective partners, and the mushiness made me miss Squall too much. Right…
 
But then why… did I feel so sad…?
 
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. I had a lot of homework to get through
when it was over, even though it was only the second day of school, and I
wasn't precisely thrilled about that. Regardless, I put what textbooks I could
fit in my book bag and carried the rest in my arms. It seemed that school this
year was going to be a pain.
 
I made it to the bus, climbed on, and headed for my usual seat near the back.
When I saw Riku sitting there, at the window, my heart stopped in my chest.
Hurriedly, I abandoned all sense of composure and flung myself into the seat
beside him.
 
"Where were you all day?" I demanded, as though I had any right to know about
his person, as though he was my… no, no, I was notgoing to finish that thought.
 
He turned, his eyes raking over me. A faint smile touched the corner of his
mouth. "Maybe it won't be so bad this time, after all," he said.
 
I blinked. "What?" Then I focused on the topic at hand. "Did your lunch get
changed? I wanted to know more about the story." As if to make up for my
rudeness, I grinned and ducked my head, rubbing a hand over the back of it.
Look at me, shy and awkward. C'mon, you don't want to be mad at this face, do
you?
 
"Yeah… something like that." Riku settled back into his seat. "These seats are
so uncomfortable." He rested his temple against the window and closed his eyes.
 
I nodded in agreement, even though he couldn't see me. "They're pretty rough.
But, Riku—the story?" I prompted. I'd been waiting all day to hear this. Now
the day was almost over, and we'd have to go our separate ways once the bus
rolled to a stop.
 
"I can't tell you here," he murmured. "Come with me to my house, and I'll tell
you then."
 
O… kay…
 
"But why can't you tell me here?" I didn't want to go to his house. It didn't
seem like a good idea. In fact, it seemed like it would invite all sorts of
trouble, trouble I didn't need. Making friends with Riku outside of school was
definitely a bad idea. And yet…
 
"C'mon, Sora, I'd almost think you were avoiding me." Riku opened one eye and
flashed me a grin. "But to answer your question, because a: it's way more
comfortable, and b: … do you want to know more about the story or not?"
 
I pursed my lips and huffed. He wasn't being very fair. "Fine," I said. If it
was the only way I was going to get to know more about the story, then that was
that. I'd just have to suck it up and be on my best behavior.
 
He closed his eye again at my acquiescence. I watched him for a moment, the
sweep of his pale lashes on his cheek, the sun making his hair seem a little
gold instead of silver. He was so pretty… Was he even aware of it? He had to
be. How could you look into the mirror every day and not see how lovely you
were?
 
"Sora," he whispered.
 
"Mmm?"
 
"I miss you…"
 
I felt my heart clench in my chest and averted my eyes to elsewhere, anywhere
but at Riku. "Don't be silly," I laughed nervously, "you saw me yesterday."
What kind of thing was thatto spout, that he missed me?
 
"I know," he breathed.
 
And that was it. Nothing else. I waited and waited, and he was just quiet. Had
he fallen into a doze? I left him alone, since that was the safer course of
action, and tilted my head back against the seat. My throat still felt tight,
my pulse jittery.
 
I miss you, he'd said.
 
For some reason, even though he was sitting right there beside me, and we had
seen each other the day before, I missed him, too.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
I stayed on the bus when we passed my house and sent a text to my mother about
where I was going to be. The bus driver gave me an odd look when I didn't
budge, but I merely glanced away. A few minutes later, and we were rolling up
to Riku's curb. I nudged him awake, and without saying anything, the two of us
gathered up our things and climbed off the bus.
 
Riku hesitated at the front door, then fished in his pocket for his keys and
slid them into the lock. I gave a last glance at the outside and followed him
inside. Cool air hit us, along with a cinnamon-y scent that made me think of
plug-ins. It was interesting that Riku's house had air conditioning.
 
We headed upstairs without stopping anywhere else. My eyes continued to take
everything in. Riku had a nice place. There were still a few boxes stacked here
and there, though it looked like mostly everything else had been unpacked. The
dining room we passed had plastic and clothes over the furniture and the floor,
and one wall was colored in a barn yard red. It smelled fresh.
 
Upstairs, the wooden stairs met carpeting, and Riku guided me down a long
hallway, past several doors, and to the one I assumed was his own. He pushed
in, and my eyes were greeted with posters of familiar bands taped to all of the
walls. I grinned, then stumbled over to the bed when Riku nudged my back.
 
"It's interesting what you come up with," he murmured.
 
"Huh?"
 
He didn't reply, merely popped himself down on his bed with the sky blue and
white set, and patted the spot next to him. I looked around for a chair or
something—there was none. Frowning, I reluctantly climbed up onto the bed with
him.
 
"Ready?" he asked me, and I nodded. He took a deep breath, slowly let it out.
"Now, where were we?"
 
"Prince Riku had just dropped his ball into the well." Amused still at the
insertion of himself into the story, I poked his arm. "Can I ask you something
first?"
 
"What is it?" He fell onto his back and looked up at me, blinking slowly.
 
"Um." I looked around and let my hands fall into my lap. "Well—it's just so…
spare in here." There was only a dresser up against the far wall. No computer,
not even a bookshelf. Nothing. It looked like my parents' room. "Don't you have
a computer?"
 
"What is a computer?" The words were strangely accented, and I twisted on the
bed to look down at him. Riku merely smiled at me, an eyebrow arched in mock
innocence. My neck heated, and I tugged at the collar of my shirt and cleared
my throat.
 
"That was a joke, right?" Albeit a weird one.
 
"Think what you will." Riku sat up again, closer to me this time. I didn't move
away. I wanted to, but I didn't. I knew I should… but I didn't. I just stayed
there, the warmth of his thigh pushing into mine.
 
"He dropped his ball…" I whispered.
 
"Right," Riku affirmed. His voice was back to normal. "Much to his surprise, a
frog peeped over the edge a second later. Prince Riku recoiled." Riku leaned
his shoulder into mine, his voice soft and falling over the words easily. He
made a great story teller. "You see, he really hated frogs…"
 
I giggled despite myself. "You? Hate frogs?"
 
He shrugged. "PrinceRiku did. I've learned a lot more than he has." I grinned
at his word usage, then plopped onto my back like he had. After a short moment,
he followed suit, and our elbows touched, our thighs remained connected.
 
"I think I know this part of the story pretty well," I said. "The frog makes an
agreement with the prince to get his ball, in return that he'll be able to dine
with him at his meals and sleep on his pillow at night. Am I right?"
 
"Pretty close to the mark. There was just one thing—"
 
"The prince runs off before the frog can follow, intent on not upholding his
end of the bargain because he hates frogs." It was difficult, inserting the
proper pronoun, when I was so used to the tale involving a princess instead of
a prince. "But the frog shows up at dinner, and when the king goes to see who
it is, the frog tells him of his promise, the promise his son made to him."
 
Riku didn't say anything, his eyes on mine as we turned our heads to look at
one another. When I paused, watching him, he arched a brow, as if asking me to
continue. I folded my hands on my stomach and did so, looking upward.
 
"The king told the prince that he had to uphold his promise to the frog. The
prince scowled all through dinner, but he did as his father bade and let him
eat off his plate. Then, once they settled in for the night, he let the frog
sleep on his pillow."
 
"Except he didn't," Riku interjected. I paused and glanced at him. A wry smile
was on his mouth. "He put him on the windowsill. He refused to sleep in the
same bed with an amphibian. It was unseemly." His vocabulary usage surprised me
yet again. I didn't remark on it.
 
"And the frog didn't tell on him for this?"
 
"The frog was patient, I think." Riku's fingers slowly brushed against mine. My
throat felt tight suddenly, and I pulled my hand away. He didn't follow. I
could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face. "Even though the prince
treated him horribly, he followed him, stayed by his side. The frog wanted to
be friends."
 
"The frog was in love with him," I whispered. There was a well… and a beautiful
face leaning over it… a circlet over his brow… and the prettiest green eyes
he'd ever seen…
 
"Slowly, Prince Riku began to see that there was more to this frogthan what met
the eye. The frog could make him laugh, and he hadn't laughed in so, so long,
not really. He was bored with the world, with his position, and he desired
nothing more than to get away, to see the walls outside of his castle. The frog
told him tales of foreign lands—he amused the prince, he became his companion.
Slowly, he thawed the prince's icy heart."
 
My throat felt tight again. I focused very hard on the ceiling. I picked out
patterns in it. Anything to avoid thinking on the strange emotions flickering
through me. I couldn't name them. Or I could, but I didn't want to.
 
This needed to stop—whatever this was—whatever spell he was crafting around me—
 
"Your phone's ringing," Riku whispered.
 
I jerked, realizing that it was. Sitting up, I pulled it from my pocket.
Squall's name flashed across the screen. My heart thundered. Even though it
hadn't been very long since we last talked, it still felt like weeks. I felt
the distance between us more keenly than ever.
 
"I've got to take this."
 
"It's funny how your mind puts things in place to prevent me from being here,"
Riku said, right into my ear. I flushed, hating it when he did that, thinking
only on his words belatedly. I scrambled off the bed and away from him.
 
"What do you mean? Look, I've got to take this," I said again. I started away,
only to stop when he snagged my wrist. I stumbled and stared at him in
disbelief. Was he really preventing me from answering my phone? What was his
problem?
 
"Sora—don't answer it."
 
I glared at him. "It's my boyfriend, he—"
 
"You can call him back," Riku murmured.
 
Honestly? He was really pulling this? What the hell? Why should I have hadto
call him back? I could answer my phone if I wanted to!
 
"I need to talk to him." I wrenched my hand out of his grasp, except it didn't
work. Riku wasn't going to let me go without a fight. That just made me angry.
 
"But he's not real," he said. I waited for the joke to come, his twisted sense
of humor to make him smile. Nothing. The phone stopped ringing, and I realized
how serious he was being. That unsettled me in ways I didn't like, and I
decided then that I needed to leave. This guy was nuts.
 
"Of course he is," I snapped. "Why are you being so weird, Riku?" I was getting
out of there. Right then.
 
Perhaps sensing my distress, Riku let me go. Without another word, I wheeled to
the door and was already calling Squall back. Screw this dude. I'd walked home.
It wasn't too far away, after all. No one even needed to pick me up. Just a
nice, brisk walk.
 
Squall answered on the first ring. "Sora?" No hello, just my name. I could tell
instantly by his tone that something was wrong, and I stopped in the hallway
just outside Riku's bedroom, paralyzed. Instinctively, I knew exactly what he
was about to tell me.
 
He didn't break it to me gently. It was so abrupt that I was left dizzy from
it.
 
He was breaking up with me, he said. He didn't think this was going to work.
The long distance thing wasn't what he wanted. He figured it'd be fair to tell
me now before this continued any longer.
 
I felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest. I couldn't breathe.
No, why would he—
 
"That doesn't make any sense," I choked. "You've only been gone for twodays…!"
 
He hung up on me. In disbelief, I tried to call him back. He wouldn't answer,
no matter how many times I tried. This just didn't make any sense! We'd been
together for so long, been best friends for so long. Why would he suddenly
decide after two days that he couldn't stand to be with me anymore?
 
Unless he'd been thinking on it for longer than two days.
 
But no, Squall couldn't hide something like that from me, I was better to read
him better than anyone—
 
I was calling him back for the fifth time when Riku came up behind me and
whisked the phone out of my fingers. I let out an angry noise and lunged for
it, but he sidestepped me cleanly and held the phone up and out of reach. He
had a few good inches on me.
 
"Give it back!" I screamed at him, when struggling with him proved futile. He
was just too strong, too fast! "I have to call him!"
 
"Sora," he said, so calmly I wanted to throttle him, "Why are you getting so
upset?"
 
I shoved at him. I had never felt particularly violent before, but if this
weirdo didn't give me my phone back right now so I could fix things, there was
going to be hell to pay. "My boyfriend just broke up with me, okay!" I cried.
"So just give it back to me!"
 
But Riku only shook his head and closed his eyes. "He's not your boyfriend."
 
I took in an angry breath. I had had it up to herewith this guy…! "Yes, he—"
 
"Iam."
 
I stared at him, so stunned for a moment I simply couldn't speak. No words
could penetrate the shock. Then I set my teeth and shoved him again. "Give me
back my phone! I'm leaving! You're messed up, you're notmy—"
 
"What did I tell you?" he pressed, taking hold of my hands. I struggled. His
grip was like iron, and I couldn't break free anymore than I had been able to
the first time he'd grabbed me.
 
"GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!" I bellowed. It was so loud I hurt my throat. Panic was
closing in on me fast, and tears were choking me. I had to all Squall. I had to
know what was wrong. I had to know why he was doing this to me!
 
"I told you that your mind is trying to tell you something." Riku held onto me
tighter, pulled me into him. I kicked at his legs, to no avail. He was just too
fast. He completely overpowered me. "You know what it is."
 
"I don't know what you're talking about, you psycho," I sobbed.
 
"Stop running away from me!" he yelled, much louder than I had a minute ago. I
flinched at the sound of it, crumbling, a whimper rising on my lips. The guy
was a psychopath. He didn't even know me, and he was acting like he owned me or
something. I didn't even know half of what he was talking about.
 
Riku shook me. "Look at me!"
 
"No!"
 
"Look at me, Sora!"
 
I did so, but only because he shook me hard enough that my head snapped back. I
renewed my struggling, doing everything in my power to get away. When had I
become such a weakling? And Riku didn't look that strong. It wasn't making any
sense.
 
"I loveyou," he said. "Stop running away."
 
"What are you talking about," I hiccoughed. He was scaring me. I wanted to get
away. I didn't need to be around this right now. Why wouldn't he just let me
go? It wasn't even about calling Squall back anymore. It was just getting away
from him.
 
Riku shook his head. "Sora, you knowwhat I'm talking about. You know."
 
Words blurted out of my mouth, entirely of my own. I had absolutely no control
over them. "It's my fault!" What was I even saying? Whatwas my fault?
 
He closed his eyes. He was silent for several moments, and I could do was
listen to my hitched breathing. Then he opened his eyes, and when he spoke, it
was slowly and carefully, "Sora… even if it isyour fault, and it's not, but
even if it was—having you blame yourself and be away from me is killing me,
it's worse than when I was cursed and forever unable to be with you!"
 
I was trembling from head to toe. Those strange feelings were back, the ones I
didn't have a name for. I was shaking my head back and forth as he spoke,
refusing to listen. No, no, it wasmy fault, it was…
 
Riku's grip on my wrists tightened again. He was going to bruise me. "I've
already broken the curse. Your mind sent you back again from your own guilt.
It's been a year! A whole year to get through to you again without your mind
throwing me out! Sora, please—I beg of you—come back—" His voice cracked.
 
"No—it's—"
 
"I need you," he pressed. "Don't you get that? I need you!" There was so much
anguish in his voice. But part of me still rebelled, refusing to accept this. I
had no idea what he was saying, I didn't understand. At the same time, I did, I
understood everything.
 
Tears rose fresh in my eyes. "Riku," I sobbed.
 
"Now—please forgive me for doing this…" Riku closed his eyes again, as though
gathering strength. He drew in a deep breath. I watched him wordlessly, crying,
trying to make sense of what was happening.
 
Then he did it.
 
He lifted his hand and smacked it straight across my face as he yelled at the
top of his lungs.
 
"WAKE UP!"
***** The End *****
White stretched for as far as my eyes could see. I lifted my hand, saw my
fingers spread before me just as I instructed them to. For some reason, I'd
felt bodiless, and that hadn't sat well with me. But here I was, in one piece.
 
And I wasn't alone.
 
A tiny figure was in front of me, her back to me, long white hair in a braid to
down between her shoulder blades. Her head was down, and her fingers were loose
fists at her sides. I drew closer to see the line of her shoulders trembling.
She was afraid, and she had something to tell me. I could feel it in my heart.
 
I'm sorry, resounded in my head. The magic… it was so awful…
 
"It's okay," I whispered.
 
That head jerked up, those frail shoulders stiffened. It's not okay!
 
I flinched despite myself and averted my eyes. Putting my arms around myself
couldn't ward off the chill that had just eclipsed my heart. I could feel her
agony, her grief. It was as much a part of me as it had ever been. This was,
after all, all my fault. She felt like this because of me. These things had
happened because of me. If only I hadn't…
 
Sora, don't, she said. You know that the responsibility of this entire…
situation… is mine to bear.
 
"No!" I protested, alarmed. "You can't take all the blame!"
 
I can. I can…
 
I reached for her, but she was already fading away. In seconds, her body was
nothing more than an outline, and then even that was gone, so that by the time
I could put my hand on her shoulder, I was touching thin air. I groped
uselessly, then whirled about, trying to spot some sign of her. Nothing.
 
I can and I will breathed through me, like an errant breeze toying with my
hair.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
I woke with my cheeks wet. Someone was shaking my shoulders, and I could make
out a distant, joyful yell. The world was fuzzy in returning to me, splotches
of colors first, a whirlwind of noises at my ears, beneath it all the sound of
my heart pounding. My hand, I realized, was still outstretched, as though to
curl around something. I closed my fingers, lowered my fist. I couldn't speak,
my throat was so tight.
 
My vision cleared enough to see that I was looking upward at a canopy, sky blue
in color. Seconds later, bright green eyes fell across my vision. A perfect
pale face, framed by silky silver hair, and a circlet on a well-arched brow.
For a minute, I couldn't think of anything that made any sort of sense. It was
Riku, but it wasn'tRiku. I could see him there, in that face, but he looked so
regal, so medieval, and at the same time, it was Riku, gods, Riku, my Riku, my
Riku. It was then that I understood that I contained both my memories. The real
memory, and the one the witch had fabricated for my curse.
 
Tears dotted his lashes. It was the first time I'd seen him cry. "Sora," he
breathed, his accent both familiar and not. I wondered how long it would take
me to shake the curse's dream. "You're awake. We did it. You're awake…"
 
My face scrunched up. I wished he wouldn't cry. It was going to make me bawl
like a baby at any moment. "I'm so sorry!" I'd been asleep for—well, I had no
clue how many years I'd been down for the count, actually, but those were the
first words out of my mouth. Those were the words I had been wanting to say
since I'd seen the witch strike him down. "Riku, I'm sorry…"
 
And just like that, the fountain started. I couldn't make the tears stop, and
they turned me into a trembling mess. Riku grabbed me, pulled me against his
firm chest. I fell into him, knowing I didn't deserve it but remembering what
he'd said about it not being my fault. Would I always feel like it was? Would I
never get beyond that?
 
"Stop it," he whispered against my hair. "Do not apologize. I have you
back—that is all that matters."
 
I closed my eyes, unable to come up with a response that wouldn't upset him.
 
"Selphie!" he called then. "Selphie, Sora is awake!"
 
I heard another delighted yell, more like a shriek. Wings blurred, clattered
against one another, and seconds later, I had Selphie on the other side of me,
her arms around us both. She was crying, too, and her tears were silver trails
down her glittery cheeks. I'd always liked fairies. As I watched, her wings
hummed at a rapid speed, like a hummingbird's wings, greenish in tint. Most
fairy's wings went with their eye color.
 
"You're awake!" she squealed. "Youare! We did it, Riku, we really did it!" She
dissolved into joyful laughter then, hugging me tighter than ever. "It took
forever!"
 
"It really did. You're quite stubborn, Sora," Riku said, ruffling my hair.
 
I stuck my tongue out at him. It was better than the alternative, which was to
start crying again.
 
Selphie pulled back. "We have to hold a feast!"
 
I held up a hand. "Oh, Selphie, no—"
 
"No! We must, we must! Okay, byeeee!" And just like that, she was gone, leaving
green dust where her wings trailed. I stared after her, aghast, then sniffled
and wiped my eyes. Despite my misgivings, a smile was already twitching at my
lips. It was like nothing had changed.
 
"Welcome back, Sora," Riku murmured against my ear.
 
That made my smile spread wider.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
True to Selphie's word, a feast was thrown in my honor. The court room was
filled to the brim with joyful denizens of Riku's kingdom, and I found once
again that not much had changed. The drafty old castle walls were still the
same, the food was still just as delicious, my circlet, though awkward on my
head, still felt like it belonged there… The only difference was the slight
shadows to everyone's eyes.
 
Beside me Seifer, the head knight in Riku's army, poured more wine into my cup.
It was bizarre seeing him so friendly and open instead of hostile and eager to
slam me into lockers. "This past year has been really good for the kingdom."
 
"Yeah!" Hayner put in from his other side, the two of them in their armor. He
had a smear of sauce from his chicken on his cheek. "After the witch was
defeated, King Riku took over everything! It was amazing—'course, part of the
problem in the first place was all the vines and stuff, and the people who were
turned to stone…" He shook his head, as if remembering bad things that had
haunted his dreams. "Well, that all vanished when the witch's reign ended."
 
A pang hit my heart. I tried to ignore it and focus on the food on my plate.
All kinds of meat, from roasted boar to sauced chicken, were heaped all over
our table, which fronted the rest of the court's. Fruits and cheeses
accompanied the meal, along with goblets of wine. We'd probably gone through
more than enough caskets already, but everyone was so merry, I didn't think the
drinking was stopping anytime soon.
 
On my other side, Riku was immersed in conversation with Selphie. I watched
them, longing to see Squall and Rinoa, but… they didn't exist. I'd known that
waking up. It still took some time to convince myself of it, though, that
they'd been only figments of the curse, planted there to keep Riku and me
apart. The problem was, they'd been in my dreams for so long… they felt so
real… How long would I miss them? Squall especially…
 
"It was Selphie who got King Riku to wake up first," Hayner was saying. "The
two of you were in the dungeons, on this pedestal… it was real spooky, if you
ask me. Right, Sei?"
 
The big blond nodded. "Yeah." He sucked some greasy meat off a bone. "Vines
everywhere. Covered in flowers. I've never seen anything like it before."
 
"Yeah, the vines were moving!" Hayner shuddered. "It was really eerie…"
 
"That witch had some kinda power, that's for sure…" Seifer gave me a sharp
grin. "Guess you're lucky that you got to sleep through it all. It was pretty
bad."
 
The other blond gave him a hard nudge with his elbow to Seifer's ribs. "Hey!
C'mon, that was super insensitive."
 
Seifer raised his hands. "I'm just sayin', that's all…"
 
I gave Hayner an only slightly exasperated smile to let him know it was all
right. Inside, though, I was restless. Everyone kept talking about how the
witch had been defeated… But what did that mean? Was she dead? Still alive? How
had it been accomplished?
 
Suddenly not very hungry anymore, I turned to Riku. At my touch to his elbow,
he trailed off midsentence with Selphie and twisted in his seat to give me his
undivided attention. That made my heart flutter. So many dreams where he hadn't
loved me… where he hadn't been capable of it… and now, here, I had him back. My
Riku.
 
"What—happened… to her?"
 
I didn't have to specify a name. He knew immediately who I was talking about
it. It was in the tensing of his shoulders. That reminded me of the white void
I'd been in before I woke up, and I dropped my eyes to my food. He was probably
upset I brought her up, but… I had to know. I had to know, despite all that
she'd done to us.
 
Because I…
 
Riku's fingers were suddenly warm around mine, and he was pulling me to my
feet. I gave him a questioning look, but he was already turned away from me.
The music and festivities continued on around us as he led me away from the
court room and into the castle corridors. It took me a few moments, as it had
been so long since I'd been awake in reality, but I got the gist that we were
headed down.
 
Down, to where the dungeons were.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
The cells were mostly empty, at least from what I saw. I didn't peer too deeply
into the shadows, but once or twice, I heard a rustle and a clink of chains. We
wandered like that for a time, Riku with a torch in his hand to light the way,
a prison guard behind us to ensure that nothing drastic transpired while the
royalty was in the presence of criminals. I liked to think that we could have
handled ourselves fine, though we were currently weaponless, fresh from the
feast.
 
Not that I'd handled any sort of weapon in a long, long time…
 
Riku stopped, his feet scuffing lightly on the stone, and I followed suit. I
turned to see where he was facing. It was a cell much wider than the others,
and there were engravings all along the bars. Though I couldn't make them out
in the flicker of the torchlight, I gathered that they were a spell designed to
keep the person in the cell in. And that person…
 
My breath drew in. I stepped closer to the cell.
 
"Sora," Riku cautioned.
 
"She's not old anymore," I breathed.
 
There she lay, sprawled on her side, her cell devoid of a bed, or anything,
really. They wouldn't have wanted anything in there that she could have used as
a weapon. Either way, she looked harmless like that, asleep, her red hair
spread all around her, her blue eyes closed, one arm resting lightly across her
stomach. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen her like that.
 
The gardens, maybe?
 
"We're not sure how it happened," Riku said from my shoulder. "The curse—it
broke on you, and she expressed some sort of relief, and… she's been like this
ever since. Sleeping. She fell asleep, and then, gradually, her youth came
back."
 
That explained why there wasn't anything in the cell.
 
I stared at her, riveted. I absolutely could not draw my eyes away. "I want to
go in there…"
 
Riku grasped my arm. "Sora—"
 
"No, Riku." I stepped away from him. I had to go in there. I had to seeher. "I
need to."
 
Riku sighed and rubbed his hand over his mouth. Then he dropped his head and
lifted a hand in a gesture. The guard left us, only to come back with someone
wrapped up in fitted black robes. They waved their hands and muttered a lot.
With a bright light, the runes on the steel bars flared, bright enough in the
darkness that it made my eyes water.
 
The robed mage bowed and stepped aside.
 
I took that to mean the door was open, so in I went. Riku stayed carefully
outside of the cell, his fingers a white-knuckled grasp on his torch. I gave
him a hesitant smile, then dropped down beside the sleeping figure of my worst
enemy and my best friend both. I wasn't afraid. The second I saw that her youth
had returned, I knew I didn't have to be afraid about anything anymore, not
where it concerned her.
 
Slowly, I pushed her bangs back from her forehead. She didn't stir, but then, I
hadn't expected her to. Still, I sighed and looked up at Riku. "I wonder what
she's dreaming of."
 
"Who knows?" His tone clearly implied, "Who cares?" and he wouldn't hold my
eyes for very long. An uneasy frown had twisted his lips. I didn't blame him
for being so nervous. We'd lost one another for so long the first time… what if
it happened again because of my carelessness? I wished I could have imprinted
my confidence about the matter onto him.
 
I smiled, a little sadly, and lowered my eyes back to her prone figure. "I wish
I could have loved you…" I said as tenderly as I knew how. Riku drew in a
breath. I could feel his discomfort from where we were, especially when I
gingerly tugged her head into my lap.
 
"Sora…"
 
"Do you mind if I stay with her for a while?" I didn't look up this time to ask
that.
 
I could tell by feel alone that he did mind, very much. I had in my lap the
woman who had terrorized his country for countless years that were lost to us
both. Upstairs, several floors above us, they were having yet another feast to
celebrate her defeat. Yet here I was, inquiring for a moment alone with her. It
probably didn't make any sense at all to him. That was all right.
 
Maybe one day he'd understand. Then again, maybe not.
 
"Just be—… careful, Sora," Riku whispered.
 
Footsteps shuffled, armor clanked a little. I waited until the noises had
receded to bend my mouth to hers in the gentlest of kisses I had ever bestowed
on anyone.
 
Just like I had expected they would, her eyes fluttered open. They were hazed
over, only to clear a moment later, the irises turning to a pure, blueberry
blue. They focused on me—widened—filled with tears that I knew probably stung.
That made my smile spread, just a little. I tucked her hair gently behind her
ears, then cradled her cheeks in my palms.
 
"You have to go, and never come back," I said. Despite my best intentions, my
voice started to waver with emotion. "I forgive you—but they never will." They
wouldn't, not if their lives depended on it. I could see it, the hungry
desperation for vengeance scouring in those shadows in their eyes. It was a
good thing the dungeon was so heavily guarded, although I wouldn't have been
surprised if someone had informed me that several attempts on her life had
already been made.
 
Unless… well… it was possible that most people didn't know she was alive at
all.
 
"His powers… they flew into me—when I killed him… they consumed me…"
 
"I know…" Gods, now my eyes were burning with unshed tears. I blinked them
back, licked my lips. "I know. I'm sorry."
 
At my pain, she closed her eyes. "When the curse broke, I was… strangely…
happy…" Her words were slow, as though she hadn't used her throat in some time.
"…and then I…"
 
"It's all right," I breathed.
 
This time, she didn't fight me, not like she had in the void. She only nodded.
Silence stretched between us, and the torchlight Riku had left for me in a
sconce in the wall flickered and made shadows dart along the floor. I looked at
them, because my throat was tight once again to the point of pain. Would I ever
be rid of the grief?
 
"I'll go," she whispered at last.
 
I found her hands, gathered them up in my own, and squeezed. "I'll help you."
 
===============================================================================
 
Nearly an hour later, I watched her gallop away into the night on one of the
castle's stallions. I'd made sure the horse was fitted with a saddle without
the castle's insignia engraved on it, and I'd swiped plenty of food from the
kitchens to keep her going for a while. Golden lights danced in the air, tiny
fairy spirits stirred to life by the presence of humans. Trees swayed gently in
the breezes. Her cloak hid her bright red hair from prying eyes, not that
anyone would recognize her as she was now.
 
There went the former witch, never to be seen or heard from again.
 
My heart heavy, I returned to my chambers to find Riku there, waiting for me.
He fluffed up a pillow, patted the space beside him. I would have thought he
was at the feast, which had been still on-going when I'd passed the court room
earlier on the way upstairs. Yet here he was, his eyes solemn as they peered up
at me.
 
"You let her go, didn't you?"
 
I lowered my eyes, not yet climbing onto the bed. I didn't know what to say. I
had no excuse, not one that he would understand.
 
He sighed, lifted a knee, wrapped the crook of his arm around it. He'd set
aside his circlet and was dressed in soft gray night garb. The blankets were
already pulled back on his side. "I can't say I understand your reasoning,
Sora… but I know that it was something you had to do."
 
Blinking, I looked back up at that. He wasn't going to berate me? The prince
who had kissed the frog, broke the first curse with true love? The man who had
risked everything yet again by allowing his love to be left alone with the
wicked witch who had caused everyone so much trouble in the first place?
 
"Come here," he said. "Let's go to sleep."
 
At that, I did crawl up onto the covers. Together, we got beneath them, and
Riku tucked an arm around my waist and pulled me into him. His warmth seeped
into me, and I sighed.
 
"Are you all right?" he asked, so softly I almost didn't hear him.
 
We were spooning, and I had to twist my head around to see him. I only caught
his profile, as he was hiding his nose at the back of my neck.
 
"How do you mean?"
 
"Reality… after dreaming so long, it—"
 
"It's disorienting," I agreed. "And a little sad." I thought of Rinoa and
Squall and snuggled back into Riku to make those feelings of longing for what I
couldn't have go away. "But… I'm happy that it's over. I'm happy that I'm here
with you." That was all I could really say about the matter, in the simplest of
terms.
 
I could hear the smile in his voice as he tucked me as firmly as he could
against him. "I'm just glad you're back, Sora."
 
And, I am pleased to say, we lived happily ever after.
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