Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/236500.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Eridan_Ampora/Nepeta_Leijon
  Character:
      Eridan_Ampora, Nepeta_Leijon, Equius_Zahhak
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-08-08 Chapters: 3/3 Words: 4268
****** Forgive & Learn ******
by bugsuit
Summary
     The humans and trolls get to a new universe where humans and trolls
     live together in relative peace. They're moving on and leaving the
     game far behind them - but there's no undoing what has been done, and
     no one knows this better than Eridan.
***** Moving In *****
The clock was kind of getting on his nerves. To be fair, he'd been sitting in
his room for maybe an hour now (he was still getting used to the term 'room',
though given that no one would notice anyway he was considering just switching
back to 'respiteblock'). Waiting was tedious business. Doubly so when you were
left alone with your memories.


It wasn't one of those dramatic, cliche problems like seeing them both die
every time you opened your eyes. That was far too obvious, and he'd probably
have tried one of those human shrinks long ago if that were the case (to no
avail, obviously. How could they possibly understand?)

No, it was the type of memory that snuck up on you from behind, like a mugger
in a dark alley - then knifed you with a blurry reminder of remember when you
did this? and just made whatever situation you were in about ten times worse.


They'd all agreed to move on - with even the dead brought to a shiny new world
along with everyone else, there didn't seem to be much point in dwelling on
murder. But you could see it in their eyes; Feferi didn't, would never trust
him again, and Kanaya... she knew he wouldn't manage it again, but the blame
lay with him and apparently she could hold a grudge just like everyone else.
Even through the thick veil of politeness and the acceptance that a repeat was
not in the realms of possibility, he was never quite going to live it down.

He'd killed them both, and there was just no forgetting something like that.


A knock on his door thankfully snapped him out of his train of thought, and
Eridan rose from his seat to rush over to the apartment door, unlocking the
bolts and sliding the chain (mentally, these weren't to keep others out) until
the door swung open and Nepeta was standing there carrying little more than a
purse.


He blinked stupidly at her and wondered why she hadn't brought all of her
things, until Equius shoved two bags into his arms and swung a suitcase across
the room. It knocked over a lamp and thudded heavily on the floor, and Equius
gave him a warning glance (don't speak or I will probably have to punch you,
and we both know that won't end well) before slipping past him and flopping
unceremoniously on the couch.


"I brought a gift to say thanks! Oh, by the way, Equius will be staying for a
day," Nepeta exclaimed helpfully. "He wouldn't let me visit without checking
the place out and making sure you- that it was okay." She pouted, evidently not
too worried about the momentary slip-up. Somehow, that made things less
awkward.


Nevertheless, Eridan wasn't going to have them dance around the topic all
evening. He disdainfully pushed the package that was offered away from him with
one finger. "Keep it. And I'm not gonna fuckin' gore you," he spat, "so don't
you worry your pretty little head."

Nepeta stared at him wide-eyed for a moment; she obviously hadn't expected him
to bring it up, or at least not so soon. Instantly, the atmosphere seemed to go
into red alert.


"You would do well not to take that topic so lightly, highblood." His tone was
restrained, much like his physical self, Eridan noticed upon turning around.
Equius didn't seem to want to look at him, but his fists were balled up on his
knees and the knuckles were turning pale. "I suggest you use more tact."


Eridan scowled at him and turned back to Nepeta, who hurriedly arranged her
face into a more pleasant expression. "Food's in the fridge." At least humans
used mostly the same terms as highbloods. That made things so much easier.
"Sleep on the couch or the floor, I don't care."

He made to go sulk in his bedroom, but instantly Equius was behind him, and
placed a hand on his shoulder to whirl him around with slightly more force than
was necessary.


"Nepeta will take your bed."


From this close, Eridan could almost see through the other troll's shades. They
were new, uncracked; Kanaya had for some reason asked to keep the old ones, and
this gave her the perfect excuse to get him a new pair. Turned out they'd
bothered her for sweeps.


"Oh, no, that's okay! I can sleep anywhere! I used to live in a cave, Equius, I
hope you didn't forget! Hehehe."


The other troll ignored his moirail, and stared him down for what felt like an
age. Eventually Eridan caved.


"Take the bed," he muttered in Nepeta's direction, and swiftly ducked away to
clear the piles of clothes from his bed. He'd been living alone for almost a
full human year; it didn't occur to him that taking in another troll who
couldn't pay her rent would ever be an option.


Equius was not happy with the decision, of course. But when they'd entered the
humans' new world, everyone had been spread across continents; the unanimous
decision was to stay where they were put, to better learn about the culture
that had been created from the uniting of humans and trolls across the globe,
and to meet up in five years.


Equius and Nepeta had spent what money they had trying to get to each other,
and once they were reunited it became clear only Equius had the temperament to
hold down a job - and not one that could support them both.


With everyone else out of reach, and Eridan conveniently (or, as he was fairly
certain Equius would put it, unfortunately) living nearby, the only reasonable
plan of action was to have Nepeta move in with him.


As Eridan curled up uncomfortably  on the sofa that night (the trolls had even
had to adopt the humans' sleeping schedules in order to fit in), his room
temporarily commandeered by the shipper girl and her STRONG moirail, he found
himself mulling over the situation; he was maybe a little surprised at how
passive he felt towards the whole thing.


For the moment, though, he decided it would make things simpler just to go with
the flow and keep up the appearance of Nepeta's presence being a hassle. It
was, after all, what was expected of him.
***** Disappear *****
Chapter by strawberry_(bugsuit)
Equius left the next morning after deeming Eridan's living space fit for his
moirail, thankfully having a job to return to that prevented him from staying
longer. On the other hand, this meant Nepeta would definitely be staying longer
than a week. Eridan didn't want to think about just how long this could
actually drag on for.


"What are we having for dinner tonight?" she asked, voice full of bounce and
energy. Eridan responded in a deliberate monotone.


"I'm havvin' fish."


"That's great," she bubbled happily, clasping her hands together and giving him
the same look one would often get from an excited puppy; "I love fish!"


"I don't think you understand-" he tried to snap at her, but of course she
interrupted him again.


"Can I help? I guess everyone else likes to cook their food first, but I never
learned. You could teach me!"


And somehow, no matter what Eridan said to try and put her off the idea, Nepeta
would not take no for an answer. To tell the truth, it was beginning to piss
him off. Not to mention the way she hogged the TV remote that night - she'd
seen them, but never actually used one before, and apparently learning to
switch from the Teletubbies to a nature show about birds and then back again
was marked down on for an hour on her daily agenda (which he liked to think was
titled Getting Eridan's Goat).


Eventually he gave up and headed to his room, only to remember as he turned the
handle that this was her room now, and to be reminded of this fact as he walked
in by the harrowing mess of sheets, clothes (his clothes) and... was that
blood? Yes, she'd even brought a dead bird in here. Fucking charming.


"Nep," he snapped, "wwhat the fuck did you do to my room?"


She craned her neck round to look at him, then decided it'd be easier to drape
herself over the back of the sofa to stare at him upside-down. "I made it
better! I'll clean it all up, I promise!"


"Wwe're on Earth, you fuckin' idiot, we havve to be civvilised."


Nepeta frowned. There was something about the look she was giving him all of a
sudden that made him think that maybe he'd just dug himself a hole.


"You aren't being civilised," she stated accusingly. Eridan scowled at her,
automatically baring his teeth. "You just mope all day and stay up all night
watching pawful TV shows." She threw a cushion at him.


"At least I havve a job. Some of us are actually tryin' to fit in."


"But you're not doing that either!" And now she was pouting at him. Eridan
opened his mouth to retort, but damn it was that girl good at interrupting.
"Look... I know what you did, okay?" Oh no. Don't bring that up, Nep. "And...
the others don't really trust you yet. But that's okay," stop it, seariously,
"they came back to life and you promise not to do that again ever, right?"


Eridan stared at her blankly, trying to decide on the correct course of action.
The way he saw it, he had the choice between storming over there and punching
her in the face - that would shut her up, but Equius would probably kill him -
or retreating to his room and slamming the door, maybe throwing all of her crap
out of the window...


"You... you promise, right?"


Of course he fucking promised, he'd been through this with everyone, even Fef -
but thinking about her was harder than it had ever been - but it wasn't his
fault if no one believed him and-


"Eridan?"


He found himself at the door, throwing the key at Nepeta (it hit her in the
face and that was probably going to leave a mark) and quietly closing the door
behind him. Maybe he should have slammed it, but he didn't quite feel like
making a lot of noise right now.


Better off to just avoid that whole train of thought altogether. Before, he'd
been perfectly okay with snapping at everyone about it and retreating into his
own personal bubble and never talking to anyone he knew ever again (except he
hadn't, really). But now that he was living with one of them, he should have
known it wouldn't be that easy.

And this was only the first night.


He heard the door opening along the corridor behind him, and broke into a mad
dash for the elevator. The old human lady from the third apartment along was
probably going to nag him for running in the halls, but she could fuck off for
today.


"Eridan!"


The doors slid closed and he leant against the wall. She'd probably follow him.
Stubborn bitch. Eridan waited until the doors opened again on the ground floor
and made another run for it. He could hear her crashing down the stairs from
here, but he was already out of the doors, had already ducked down an alley.
Eridan still didn't know his way around the city too well, but Nepeta wouldn't
know it at all. 


The idea ocurred to him to just disappear.


He could do it; he knew he could. It would be easy. He could just take his
money, leave, and... well, he had no idea what he'd actually do - where he'd go
- but he could go. The thought was comforting.


Eridan found the edge of the park, and scaled the fence. It was getting dark,
and the few stragglers left out were already in the process of heading home; no
one would be around to bother him if he wanted to sit alone for a while.

Except the footsteps approaching him along the gravel path less than a minute
after he'd found a bench were a dead giveaway that he wasn't going to get any
peace tonight.


They stopped in front of him, but he'd be damned if he was going to take his
head out of his hands now.

"Eridan... I'm the best tracker efur." She tried smiling at him, but he wasn't
looking. "I couldn't exactly not find you, hehe."


"Wwhat the fuck do you wwant, Nep."


There was silence for a while, and if it wasn't for the lack of fading crunches
of gravel he'd almost think she had gone.

Then, she sat down beside him.


"Listen, Eridan..."


"No," he snapped suddenly, "you listen. You can keep the fuckin' apartment, so
don't bother tryin' to get on my good side because a.) you don't havve to, and
b.) I don't havve one. I'll be gone in the mornin' and none a' you wwill evver
sea me again. Should havve done this from the start." He finally leant back
against the bench, burying his head in his scarf (the old one, the one that got
ripped to about half its length when Kanaya - even thinking about it was
painful).


"I'm fuckin' stupid for thinkin' I wwouldn't havve to talk about it."


Nepeta shook her head. "That's not what I want at all!"


"Wwell, things don't alwways go howw you wwant them to."


"...Is this about Fefurry?"


Eridan immediately attempted to get to his feet and leave - he was not about to
fucking discuss this, what part of that didn't she understand? - but once again
he'd underestimated the ex-hunter's reaction time, and she quickly flopped onto
his lap, effectively pinning him down.


"Get off, Nep-!"


"No! Not until you talk." She rolled onto her back and glared up at him
defiantly. "I think maybe you need to." She was lying, of course; she knew he
needed to. Sweeps of being moirails with someone who wore unreadable shades and
hid their feelings behind an air of trying to be proper had made her an expert
on this sort of thing.


"Wwhat is there to talk about?" he snapped, trying to shove her off. She kept
wriggling back into the same place on his lap. "I- killed them, and I can't
change wwhat I did, and talkin' about it wwon't change it. Let me go."

Nepeta merely stared back up at him with a curious expression, and glancing
even for a moment down into her eyes turned out to be a bad idea because now he
couldn't look away.


"I killed her, Nep. I killed them both and I blinded Sol wwhen it wwas fuckin'
important for him to be able to sea and I fucked up my title and tried to
betray evveryone but I killed Fef," he emphasised. "And... at the time, I
really fuckin' meant it," he added darkly.


Nepeta was quiet for a while. "Do you still mean it?"


The question probably shouldn't have caught him off-guard like it did. Eridan
felt his breathing quicken slightly, his throat constrict. His vision was going
blurry. Slowly and deliberately, he shook his head.


"Then it's okay, Eridan." He sniffed loudly and touched his sleeve to his eyes,
determined not to actually cry. Of course it wasn't okay. How could it possibly
be okay? "It's ofur. Everyone came back - it's a neow start! Sure, no one's
going to furget, but- okay, sorry, the can puns aren't helping." She smiled up
at him apologetically. "But they can fur- forgive you. And that's... that's all
you can really ask for."


"They wwon't."


"They will! Just give them time! And- and if they don't-" She gave a determined
nod. "I still will. So it doesn't matter!" Nepeta sat up, sufficiently
convinced he wasn't about to run off again, and instead tangled her arms around
his right one. "It's going to be okay, Ampurra."


Eridan lost count of the minutes he spent in the park, Nepeta a silent but
oddly comforting weight on his shoulder. He forgot how and when they got back,
and he didn't recall who had come up with the idea. But as he lay on the couch
that night, Nepeta dozing on his chest with her tail draped over the edge, he
couldn't help but feel that maybe she was right.


After all - it could only get better from here.
***** Let Go *****
Chapter by strawberry_(bugsuit)
Chapter Notes
     Accidentally posted the same chapter twice, whoops. Here's the real
     Ch3. Smut ahead.
The next few mornings passed without incident. Nepeta managed to pass on her
gift at last - after much nagging, Eridan had eventually given in to her wishes
and accepted the giftwrapped object. It had turned out to be a replacement
scarf - exactly the same, as far as he could tell, but without the damages.
Maybe she'd had the alchemy code (he couldn't think why).



Equius paid a visit once or twice, but he seemed to be satisfied that they were
getting along without any real problems. Aradia called to make sure they were
still alive. John Egbert emailed him the password to a private memo for
everyone who'd played Sburb/Sgrub, and it seemed like things... were indeed
working out for the better.



Then Nepeta approached him one day after dinner.



"You need a haircut," she informed him, matter-of-factly.



Eridan frowned at her for a few seconds. "No, I don't."



"You do! Your silly hair isn't standing up properly any more, hehe." She jabbed
a finger at his forehead, where a few locks of purple were flopping uselessly
over his face. The other troll had an expression on her face which was
altogether too excited for his liking. "And I know just the hairdresser!"



"No," he said quietly. Then, "No, Nep," a little louder. "I'll see one a' those
human hairdressers, you don't-"



"Sit down or I'll lop your horns off!" she squealed, brandishing a pair of
scissors, and pounced him, and suddenly they were a dangerous mess of blade and
claw and scarf and struggling-



"Alright, alright! Fuckin' calm dowwn, you're gonna stab one of us!"



Nepeta grinned, her canines glinting dangerously in the dim light of the
apartment, and rolled off him. Glad to no longer be pinned down, Eridan hurried
himself over to the couch and grimly awaited his fate. There was no running
from a hunter, even with all his years of flarping experience.



"I purromise to be careful," she stated, padding softly over to him and leaning
over the back of the sofa. "And I'll get that vackum thingy-"



"Vacuum," Eridan muttered under his breath.



"-and clean all the fur- I mean hair- off the couch afterwards!"



"Wwhatevver. Let's just get this ovver wwith."



The huntress surprised him with how delicately she could handle the scissors.
He supposed it was probably due to the skill she wielded over her clawkind
specibi; he found himself actually zoning out and as his thoughts wandered her
hand brushed his fin.



"Wwh- careful," Eridan snapped, slapping her hand away and cupping his own over
the webbed fin on his cheek protectively. "If you cut this fuckin' thing-"



"Sorry!" she blurted out quickly. "I didn't mean to, Eridan! I didn't hurt you,
did I?"



"...No," he admitted, and slowly returned his hand to his lap. This turned out
to be a mistake.



Nepeta reached out to place her hand on it very gently, probably feeling for
damage. Eridan felt both of his fins automatically flare outwards, a purple
tinge spreading rapidly across his face.



"Nep- Nep don't," he choked.



"Just a minute! I need to make sure I didn't cut you!"



"N-Nep, I reely th-" She rubbed her hand over it, satisfied she hadn't caused
any damage, and then took her hand away; and Eridan froze into a stuttering
mess. "I r- I reely th-think..."



Nepeta snipped at the last remaining bit of untouched hair, then tilted her
head quizzically. "What?"

The sea-troll took a deep, cleansing breath and exhaled raggedly. "I think you
should stop."



"I already did," she said, darting into the kitchen to place the scissors
safely on the counter and then returning to flop backwards over the couch and
observe him from an upside-down position. Eridan didn't move. "What's wrong?"



"...Nothin'."



"Why are you all purrple?" It took a few seconds for it to sink in, but Nepeta
was not an idiot. "Oh! Oh, Eridan, I'm sorry, I didn't-"



"It's ok."



"-didn't realise, I'd never have- well-"



"Nep, calm dowwn," he tried, but she was babbling uncontrollably.



"-not to say - but I mean - sorry. Sorry, Eridan." She had also turned an
unflattering shade of olive, and promptly righted herself, taking a curled-up
pose on the sofa cushion and staring at the television. Some documentary on
Earth wildcats was showing. At least she could try and be interested.



Eridan gazed blankly at the screen for a while, waiting for the pounding in his
chest to subside. There was a long, awkward silence; Nepeta kept giving him
nervous glances and then looking away before he could meet her eyes.



"...I didn't mean I'd never have." Somehow she felt the need to explain. She
didn't want to insult him, after all! "I meant- you know?" Eridan rolled his
eyes, but what she said next made him snap his head round to fix her with a
bewildered stare. "I- I could do it again, if you want," she whispered.



A thousand thoughts invaded the male troll's head at once, sending him reeling
(no pun intended) and bubbling confusion into his thoughts. Had she just said
what he thought she said?



"Just- to help you calm down. Like a massage!" Nepeta was evidently
backpedalling, realising the gravity of the situation. "I didn't mean it in
that way, ehehe..."



Eridan felt the memory of the sensation brushing across his left fin, and
before he even knew he'd opened his mouth he heard himself say quietly, "If you
want."



Nepeta's eyes lit up at her chance at salvaging the situation. Eridan tried to
look as indifferent as he could as she scooted across to sit next to him (the
side she pressed up against him was warm; mentally he berated himself for
noticing). She hesitantly reached up - and Eridan was tense, too tense for this
kind of thing, he should tell her to stop - and ghosted her hand over the fin.



It felt... so different. Eridan had tried touching his fins before (and who
hadn't? it was normal behaviour, shut up) but it had never amounted to much.
Having someone else touch him there was... strange. Alien.



nice. (shut up right noww, self)



"I'm not hurting you, right?"



Eridan tried to resist the urge to press against her hand. If only she would
just stop messing around and really touch him- "No."



Nepeta flashed him a timid smile and began to fit her hand into a gentle rhythm
(too gentle) and Eridan gave up his pride in favour of getting what he wanted -
couldn't help it, really - and let his fin press into her hand.



Nepeta flinched for a moment. Eridan braced himself for her pulling away for
any one of a hundred reasons that he could think of, but just as quickly as it
had stopped the hand movement returned. She was touching a little more firmly
this time, having gotten the message at least, and her yellow eyes were fixed
on the side of his face, her brow furrowed in concentration.



"Is that okay?"



"Better," Eridan muttered, "than okay." And she must have caught that breath
that sounded almost like a please because Nepeta's free hand travelled
downwards and settled on his crotch (how embarrassing, he shouldn't be this
turned on already, it wasn't dignified), moving her hand around experimentally
across the fabric. Eridan's teeth sunk themselves into his lip and seemed
content to stay there in an effort not to make noise.



"Do you want me to just...?" The huntress trailed off, hooking a finger over
the top of his pants. Eridan nodded maybe a little too eagerly - she'd realise
soon, she'd remember who she was dealing with, what he'd done, and she would
run for the hills, but he'd take what he could get; Nepeta unceremoniously
shoved her hand down his pants and Eridan lost his train of thought.



He felt her hand on his fin smooth over it out of rhythm and that sent a jolt
to his crotch; he was desperately shoving his face against her administrations
and he couldn't bring himself to care that he didn't deserve this; it hadn't
ever taken him very long to reach the edge but he'd never tipped all the way
over it, too many worries, too many stray thoughts and tenseness but oh god her
hands were heavenly.



"N-Ne- Nep-" he tried to warn her.



"It's okay."



"No- I- I can't-" He wasn't going to make it, he'd never made it, better if she
just stopped right now and saved him the embarrassment.



"Eridan, it's okay."



"Nngh-" but maybe it didn't matter what he'd done, maybe Nepeta had let it go
and by proxy he should, too?

Eridan saw white, and the tenseness and the built-up energy and the pent-up
frustration all released at once. Nepeta patiently kept up her hand movements
until the very end, until he collapsed the desperate arch in his spine and
relaxed, panting, against the couch.



"Mnn... 'M sorr-"



"No," Nepeta interrupted him, withdrawing her hands and planting a surprisingly
sweet kiss on his cheek. "Eridan, it's okay. It's all okay. I purromise." She
really had let his past go. And for that short while, so had he.



Maybe it would be okay to let it go permanently.
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