Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/765014.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Character:
      Jensen_Ackles, Jared_Padalecki
  Additional Tags:
      A/B/O, Alpha/Beta/Omega_Dynamics, Arranged_Marriage, Suicide_Attempt,
      Mating_Cycles/In_Heat, Knotting, Mildly_Dubious_Consent,
      Misunderstandings, Angst
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-04-17 Words: 3016
****** For You ******
by keep_waking_up
Summary
     It was just his luck to be an early bloomer.
Notes
     For spnkink_meme: Jensen is an omega who feels abandoned by his alpha
     mate, Jared. All he wants is to feel loved by the older wolf, but
     Jared seems too busy with the females of the pack to take notice. Cue
     Jensen's heat. Jensen, fearful that this would only seperate them
     further, tries to hold out on his own. However, if he doesn't mate
     during his heat, he'll die. He knows this and he's okay with that,
     because Jared doesn't love him. Jared then shows up and shows him how
     much he means to him before its too late.
In general, Jensen thinks most people would agree that arranged matings suck
for a variety of reasons. Mating off two people who care little to nothing
about each other normally leads to general awkwardness and unhappy
relationships. Infidelity is higher among arranged matings, as is spousal
abuse. Besides, it’s pretty cruel to the two people getting paired off as well.
So, in general, it’s not a good idea.
He just wishes his parents had gotten that message.
Second son of the Alpha of the powerful Dallas pack, he’s been betrothed since
practically birth. Alpha Alan of Dallas and Alpha Gerald of San Antonio had met
up five days after the first time he’d seen the light of day and made a pact of
allegiance to each other. To ensure that the pact would hold true, Jensen’s
father had pledged his Omega son’s five-day-old hand to Gerald’s second son, an
Alpha named Jared.
They’d been mated the day he turned sixteen.
He’d been lucky in some respects. Jared was less than ten years older than him,
still in his twenties. He was tall and good-looking, with a wide smile that
Jensen couldn’t help responding to and body that made his cheeks flame. Jared
was kind, caring, and understood Jensen’s need for independence. He’d never
forced Jensen to bed, or expected him to have dinner on the table when he came
home, or even thought of raising a hand against him. To be honest, Jensen liked
the guy. Even loved him.
He sighed, long and drawn out, as he stared out of the window of their weekend
cabin at the pack running grounds towards where Jared was romping around in
wolf form with at least eight of the pack’s unmated females. Some might have
said being in love with his mate made him lucky. He begged to differ. It only
made moments like this harder.
Sure, Jared was nice and kind and all those things. But he was also singularly
uninterested in Jensen. After the first knotting to consummate their mating,
Jared had never showed any inclination towards a repeat performance. He’d given
Jensen his own room in their apartment and at the cabin. The few times Jensen
had mustered up enough courage to kiss his mate, Jared had kissed him back
softly for a few moments before pulling away with a smile and moving away to do
something else. And he had never initiated any kind of physical contact beyond
some hand holding and an arm around his waist.
Every part of Jensen cried for his mate. Not only was his body ripe with the
dissatisfaction of a mated Omega who had gone months without being knotted, but
his heart ached for even the littlest bit of non-platonic cuddling, anything
that would prove Jared wanted him as more than some kind of friendly roommate.
He’d gone out of his way to try to entice and please his mate. He’d shown
active interest in every bit of Jared’s life. He’d volunteered at the animal
centers and read up on San Antonio pack politics and history. Jared’s dogs,
Sadie and Harley, had preened under his careful care, so much so that they’d
occasionally deigned to spend the night in his cold, lonely bed. The apartment
and cabin were pristine, meals were served to perfection, he’d even packed
Jared’s god damn lunch for god’s sake! And every time, all he’d get were a
smile and pat on the head, complete with a thank you.
So, he wasn’t happily knotted with his perfect mate that loved him. And he
wasn’t in a loveless arranged mating either, at least on his side. If he hadn’t
cared so for Jared, he might’ve allowed himself to stray, found another Alpha
to knot him. But he couldn’t. He respected Jared and their mating too much to
do so.
His eyes misted over as he watched Jared romp with one particularly lovely
young female, with a soft brown coat that was just begging for fingers to run
through it. The worse thing of all was that he knew his mate had not strayed
either. Jensen knew he had too much honor to think of claiming one of females
he played with so much when he had Jensen waiting at home. Jared would never be
able to tie again, except when he would have to force himself for Jensen’s
heats. Surely, he would come to resent Jensen for that.
Jensen couldn’t do that. He couldn’t live the next sixty, seventy, or eighty
years of his life watching his mate long for another’s touch and hate for him
it. At seventeen, the years stretched out before him like a long black tunnel
with no end. He could not do that, not to himself and not to Jared.
But mating’s could not be taken back or revoked. The only way to free his mate
was for he himself to die.
He’d thought long and hard about it. He had been thinking about it since eight
months into his mating, when he’d practically blasted Jared with arousal to
garner no response. When he’d finally realized Jared would never want him, and
the tenderness and love of their first and only mating had only been born of
Jared’s desire to be kind and good to him. He’d been plotting and scheming,
left alone in the apartment for hours on end since he knew no one in San
Antonio but Jared and his family.
The solution he came up with was simple. He knew he’d never have to the
strength to actually take his own life, he just had to wait for the prime
opportunity to let it slip away before anyone noticed. His first heat.
If an Omega was not knotted during their heat, they would die. Thus the reason
why most Omegas mated at a young age, so they would not be without a mate when
their first heat came on around their twentieth year. Jensen had been relieved
that he would have at least three more years to tie up the loose ends in his
life and revel in his mate’s companionship, if not his love. It was just his
luck that he was an earlier bloomer.
He’d been practically out of his skin for the past week. Logically, he knew
what the symptoms meant. His first heat was coming on, and soon. As soon as
they got back to the apartment he’d have to start putting his plans into
action, never mind the fact that it was three years too soon.
As they drove back in the car the next day, Jared turned to him with a
concerned face. “Hey. I saw you didn’t get out of the cabin much this weekend.
Are you feeling alright? I know you told me not to worry, but-”
“I’m fine, Jared.” Jensen didn’t dare look over at his mate. Reality was
closing in on him, and if he had to look at those sad puppy eyes, no doubt the
tears would well up and he would spill everything out. He just needed to hold
it together for a day or two more and then it would all be over. “Just tired.
You really don’t need to concern yourself with me.”
A large hand patted his thigh twice gently. “I’ll always be worried about you,
Jen. Make sure you get a lot of rest this week, and if you still aren’t feeling
well in a couple days we can take you to the doctor, okay?”
Jensen gripped the hand like it was a lifeline and squeezed it as hard as he
could. “Okay. Sounds good.”
Jared took good care of him that evening, making him chicken noodle soup and
massaging his head as they sat on the couch watching the Sunday night football
game.
When he clicked off the TV and moved to head off to his own room, Jensen
grabbed in hand. One night of selfishness and then Jared would be free to go
mate whatever female he wished to. “I’ve been having bad dreams lately. They’ve
been keeping me up. Do you mind if I stay with you tonight? It might help to
have someone else there.” He barely stumbled over the barefaced lies, desperate
to have one night of what he most wanted before.
Jared’s face immediately softened and scooped Jensen up into a massive bear
hug. “Yeah, of course Jen, whatever you need.”
That night Jensen did not bother sleeping, instead spending most of his time
taking deep inhalations of his Alpha’s scent. A few quiet tears rolled down his
face as he stared at Jared’s face, peaceful in sleep. He could feel his heat
coming on and was glad he’d taken his heat suppressants to keep his mate from
noticing the warning scent. As soon as his heat was full blown, they’d be
useless, but that wouldn’t be for another twelve hours at least. He had some
time left, just to lie at his Alpha’s side and breath in the scent of
everything he loved.
Jared left the next morning with a kiss on his cheek and a hug. Jensen couldn’t
help clinging extra tight, the only way he could say goodbye. As soon as the
older male was gone, he was on the move. He grabbed the debit card Jared had
given him. He’d been given an allowance of seven hundred a month to buy
anything he needed. He’d never used much of it, even in the beginning, when he
would try to buy Jared things. Ever since he’d made his decision, he’d been
saving up. He stuck the card in his pocket along with printed out directions to
the nearest used car lot and headed out.
He could tell his heat was starting to seep through the suppressants by the
looks strangers gave him on the street as he hurried past him. They probably
thought he was heading home to his Alpha, not realizing he was doing the exact
opposite. The owner of the car shop had even sold him the ’67 Impala for pretty
cheap after Jensen had babbled out some story about his mate forgetting his
phone and being on business in a city a few hours away.
Three hours since Jared had left the house and Jensen was already on the move,
barreling down the freeway at a breakneck speed. He wouldn’t stop, not for
anything. It was not like the cops could hurt him now.
He was almost three hundred miles away by the time his heat was too much for
him to continue driving. Gritting his teeth, he pulled over at the nearest
motel he could find, ignoring the startled look of the Beta behind the front
desk as he grabbed his key after paying and practically ran into his room. He
didn’t bother doing anything more than collapsing on his bed.
Hours dragged by while he was in the haze of heat fever, staring up at the
ceiling. So this was where he was going to die, some shabby motel off the main
highway on a bed that smelled like his grandmother’s house. Tears leaked out of
the corners of his eyes. There was no point in holding them in now. He was
dying because his mate did not love him and he couldn’t bare it. By the
morning, he would be no more than a corpse of a seventeen-year-old kid who had
apparently never learned to just deal.
A few hours later, or maybe more than a few, he thought he heard police sirens
blaring outside his window but he was too out of it to tell. Nothing seemed
quite real anymore. Everything was glazed over in crystalline colors. It
wouldn’t be long now. He didn’t even really feel bad about it anymore. He was
dying and he just plain didn’t care anymore.
Distantly, he heard someone kick in the door and then a choked sob as they
gasped out, “Oh god, Jensen, no.” Seconds later, he could feel hands on him,
burning hands that scrabbled over him. “Please, Jensen, please still be there.”
Blearily, he focused his eyes upwards to find Jared’s tear-filled hazel eyes
staring back at him.
He had enough presence of mind to try and push Jared away, but he couldn’t move
his arms. “No,” he slurred. Jared could not be here. He was supposed to stay
away and let Jensen die in peace. Instead, he was going to drag him back into
suffering. It wasn’t fair.
“Shhh.” Jared smoothed his hands over Jensen’s cheeks, face twisted with
misery. “It’s okay, Jen. I-I know you don’t want this. Just this once, just so
you’re okay, and then I’ll make sure you have someone you want the next time,
okay. It’s okay, you’ll never have to worry about me touching you again.”
Jensen couldn’t help the sob that broke out of his throat. He’d never thought
he’d actually have to suffer through hearing Jared verbally reject him, but it
appeared that life still had some daggers left to twist in his back. He lay
limply crying as Jared carefully undressed the both of them, then slotted their
bodies together. He didn’t bother with foreplay, simply pushing right in. It
was everything his body needed and it was breaking his heart to pieces.
This was what it took to get his mate to take him. Heat-drugged and half-dead,
of course, Jared could not leave him. But he’d even made it a point to say that
he’d find someone else for all future heats, his mate would not even help him
with those!
He sobbed into the pillow beneath him even as Jared thrust carefully in and out
of him, murmuring words of comfort in a wreaked voice. “It’s okay, Jen, it’s
okay. Please don’t cry, baby. I’m so sorry, Jen, I’m so sorry. I’ll never do
this to you again, I swear, I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry.”
The actual knotting and Jensen’s subsequent orgasm seemed like kind of an
afterthought. He passed out as soon as it was over.
He wasn’t out very long. He came to a couple of minutes later to Jared stroking
his hair and cuddling him up against his chest while his cock continued to pump
cum into Jensen’s ass. Jensen sighed deeply and burrowed his neck into Jared’s
shoulder. As soon as he could speak, he murmured, “Why did you come find me?”
Jared stiffened and he withdrew his hands from Jensen’s body. Jensen’s heart
broke a little more. “Look, Jen, I know you don’t want me like this. But I...
you were gone, and I got worried, and then Jim called in from the car yard and
said my mate had come by and who the hell was I to be hundreds of miles away
while my mate was in heat. And I... I mean, I kinda assumed you were going to
take care of it with... well, I don’t know who, but I had to be sure, and then
the motel owner called in about an Omega in heat who didn’t have his Alpha and,
well, I had to check. And then it was you, and I couldn’t let you die, Jen. I’m
sorry, I-” His voice cracked, and Jensen felt something suspiciously like tears
land on top of his head. “I didn’t realize you hated being mated to me that
much, Jen, I swear, or I would’ve done something. You don’t have to... Jensen,
you don’t have to kill yourself to get away from me. Whatever you want, I’ll do
it, make it happen. Just don’t die Jen, I couldn’t bare that.”
Jensen’s breath was caught in his chest. Jared’s whole speech had sounded sort
of like he... well, like he cared. Like, actually cared. Jensen squirmed
backward to see his face, gasping as it moved the knot inside of him. He
frowned up at Jared. “I wasn’t... I thought you would be happier. If I was
gone. Then you could go out and mate one of those girls you’re always staring
after. I didn’t want to hold you back...”
“What are you talking about?” Jared grabbed his face, staring into his eyes
with a crazed look. “Jensen, you can’t possibly... Jensen, please tell me you
didn’t come out here because you thought I wanted you dead so I could be with
someone else!”
He couldn’t help it as his eyes welled up again. “You didn’t want me... and all
those girls...”
“Oh god, Jensen, no!” Jared’s thumbs stroked at his face frantically as he
kissed him fiercely, all tongue and wetness. Jensen gasped into it, pushing
closer. It was everything he’d been dreaming about, hot and strong and just
Jared. It was like a miracle. He whimpered as Jared pulled away to stare at him
like he’d never seen him before. “No, Jensen, I’ve wanted you since you were,
fuck, thirteen! I’ve always, always wanted to be mated to you. You don’t
understand. I love you. God, Jensen, I love you like crazy. You’ve got to know
that.”
Jensen’s heart fluttered in his chest as he gripped Jared’s arms so hard his
nails drew little white crescents in the flesh. “But... but... the girls. And
you pushed me away. Wouldn’t touch me...”
“No, no!” Jared rested his forehead against his, laughing almost hysterically.
“No, I thought you didn’t want me. I thought you were- were just trying to do
your duty or something. I didn’t want to force you into it.” He laughed before
kissing Jensen again, deep and hard. “And the girls, Jensen, they’re just my
friends. I hang out with plenty of guys too. I just tend to be social... But
trust me, I wouldn’t have spent that much time with any of them if I’d have
known you wanted me around.”
“Oh.” It was too good to be true. His whole body seemed lit up with warmth,
heart singing as he burrowed deeper into his Alpha’s, his, embrace. “No, I-I’ve
loved you for over a year now. I don’t want anyone else. I want you. Always.”
“Always,” Jared agreed and kissed him again.
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