Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7624003.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Phandom/The_Fantastic_Foursome_(YouTube_RPF)
  Relationship:
      Dan_Howell/Phil_Lester
  Character:
      Dan_Howell, Phil_Lester
  Additional Tags:
      Dissociative_Identity_Disorder, Multiple_Personalities, Childhood_Sexual
      Abuse, Prostitution, Alternate_Universe
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-07-30 Words: 2640
****** Folie ******
by dannihowell_(iguessicantry)
Summary
     Dan has multiple personalities and seeks help from Dr. Phil Lester.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
The first time he met Dan, Phil was a bit surprised. In comes this perfectly
normal young man in his early thirties, walking into his office. He appeared to
be confident, if not just a little awkward and quite good-looking but even Phil
knows, as a psychiatrist, that looks are often deceiving.
Phil introduced himself and the session began. The first thing that Dan says
shocks him.
“I’m six different people.”
“What do you mean by that? Can you explain?”
Dan pulls out a notepad, scribbled with a blue inked list of names. “I am
Dan—that’s who you see now—and five other people, all variations of me. They’re
all inside me and they take turns.”
“Are you saying that at any given moment, someone else takes over your body?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know?”
“The last thing I saw was the attacks on 9/11, almost twelve years ago.”
“When did you come back?” Phil says worriedly and slightly confused.
“About one week ago. Nothing is as I remember it. There are all these things,
all these clothes that I didn’t buy. The fridge is full and I never used to
drink 2% milk, only whole milk. There are pictures around the flat of places I
have never been to and someone called this morning begging for forgiveness.”
“Who was it?”
“He says he’s my boyfriend. Called himself Jack.”
“Do you know him?”
“No. I don’t know him at all. I’ve never even had a boyfriend. Doctor, I’m
confused. I never came out or even kissed anyone.”
Phil reassures him that they’ll work on whatever this is, whatever it may be.
There are so many cases in the world and so many psychologists and other
professionals in the field think it’s, to put it quite simply, pure bullshit.
Daniel Howell, who’s sat in Phil’s office chair with his lip caught between his
teeth, has Dissociative Identity Disorder aka Multiple Personality Disorder.
He invites Dan to make a few more appointments and asks him about signs of
depression or schizophrenia. He asks him if he had blackouts or amnesia. Phil
has to be certain to diagnose this properly. It could be so many things but Dan
has a clear-cut case of the illness.
When they begin, Phil tries to figure all the sides to Dan and eventually he
comes up with six unique people all living inside one man. Each of them has
their own view of the world and of Dan. They reveal more to Phil than Dan ever
could.
Daniel
Daniel is the first one Phil meets. When Phil greets Dan when he first comes
into the office, he smiles and shakes his head. “My name is Daniel. My mother
says it’s a strong religious name and I should keep it intact.”
“As you wish, Daniel,” Phil agrees. 
“How are you, Dr. Lester?” Dan says politely.
“I’m doing just fine. You can call me Phil, you know–,”
“Mother says that wouldn’t be proper. You’ve earned your title.”
“Please? I’d like to think of us as friends or good acquaintances, Daniel.”
Daniel straightens out his slacks and chuckles, “No, doctor. It would be rude
for a young lad to think of you as a friend.”
“Dan—Daniel? How old are you now?”
“Fifteen, doctor. Surely, you knew that?”
“And how long have you been seeing me?”
“This is our first visit, Dr. Lester.”
Phil makes a note. This is their fourth visit. This isn’t the Dan Howell he
knows. This is someone entirely new.
“Alright, since this is our first visit, can you tell me why you made this
appointment?”
“I am not sure myself, Doctor. Dan made the appointment; we all just have to
bear with his decisions until we fix them.”
“We?”
“Yes, the five of us. There are five of us.”
“Really? And who are you exactly.”
Daniel smiles and sits up properly. “I am the Daniel he always wanted to be,
the son our mother always wanted but never had.”
“How often do you come out?”
“Not very often. Only when Mother calls and screams at Dan for something he’s
done or should have done or what he should be doing. She’s only looking out for
his best interest but he can’t take it so I take over for a bit.”
“How long do you stay?”
“Only for a day or so. I used to stay out longer when he was younger. Living
with Mother was very stressful for him, especially after Papa left.”
“Why did Papa leave?”
“I don’t want to give it all away. That takes away all the fun. Mother would
think that rude. ‘Do not ruin it, Daniel,’ she’d say.”
“What else does Mother say?”
“She says that I am the spawn of Satan. She says I am a faggot and that is why
Papa left and had another family.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
“I don’t feel anything really. I nod and do as she says. She likes me, not Dan.
She smiles when I come out. I let her do things that Dan would never let her
do.”
“What kind of things?”
“Drop it!” Dan suddenly yells, rising out of his seat. Phil had been taking
notes and missed the drastic change in facial expression.
“Daniel?”
“It’s Danny, you fucking twat.”
Danny
“Excuse me?” asks Phil, trying his hardest not to show his fear. Dan’s entire
demeanor has changed.
“You’re excused,” he spits back. “Don’t ask about mum, alright?”
“Alright. I won’t ask about her. Would you like to take a seat?”
Dan eyeballs Phil before taking his seat on the other side of the desk.
“Would you like to continue today’s session? It’s up to you.”
“Might as well, right? We ain’t paying for it.”
“Alright. Can you tell me who you are?”
“Weren’t you listening? I’m Danny.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty but I tell my customers I’m eighteen and sometimes even sixteen. Some
of them really like that.”
“Who are your customers, Danny?” Phil asks cautiously.
“You can’t possibly be that thick. You’re a doctor for fuck's sake.”
“Do you sell your body for sex?”
“Sometimes. I can get by on just my hand or mouth some nights. Aches after a
while but the money is easy.”
“When did you start doing that?”
“After that bitch finally pushed me too far and I had nowhere to go and no
money. Dan was hungry and poor little bastard was too afraid of the world,
hadn’t seen it a year so I took over. It’s not like it was hard. Sex is easy,”
Danny explained, licking his lips and winking at Phil. He bursts into laughter
when Phil’s face turns bright red. “Gay are we? Didn’t peg you for one of us.
Wanna meet someplace after this?”
“This is incredibly inappropriate.”
“Alright, Doctor. Calm down, I was just teasing. I guess you aren’t into that
sort of thing.” Dan chuckles, “I’ll remember that.”
“Anyway,” Phil starts, trying to make himself appear less—sexy… “Are you safe?
Do you use protection?”
“That kills the mood, Doctor.”
“Have you ever been tested?”
“Why would I? I feel fine!” Danny replies, defensively. “Look I am the best out
there and my customers get whatever they want and if it’s raw and rough, that’s
what they get.”
Phil lets out a heavy breath at Danny’s use of language and it’s remarkable how
different he looks right now from Dan but somehow retaining the boyish charm of
Daniel.
“I’m just concerned, Danny. You could have something and spread it unknowingly.
I have to say something. This is important for everyone involved. And, Danny,
if you have something, there are medications and drugs to help you.”
“Why should I care? Sex should be about pleasure and feeling good. I won’t let
it make me feel bad. Once it started feeling good, and it kept me off the
streets and well fed, I just kept doing it with whoever would pay.”
Phil picks apart his words and finally asks, “Did sex feel bad?”
“For the first ten years, it did.”
“When did it start exactly?” Phil asks softly.
Dan puts on a pout and stares at his feet. “Five. I was five. Before that is
was just touching, only touching. That was probably since I was a baby. Mother
always said the minute I came out of her, I’d been trying to steal her
husband.”
“Danny? Do the others know about this?”
“Dan likes to forget about it and that’s why we exist. Just wait ‘til you meet
the others,” Danny smirks. “Papa really fucked him up and that ain’t no
euphemism.”
Bear
Phil decides to make a home visit to Dan when he misses an appointment. It’s
been a few months of therapy now and so far, Phil knows three of Dan’s
personalities. Truth be told, this one is the scariest. He tells a tale of a
boy lost in a world no one else can see.
“Dan?” Phil calls out, peeking his head in. “Daniel?”
“Phil!” he hears in a childish voice. He steps further inside the flat and is
met with Dan sitting in his pajamas, eating cookies and watching television.
“Would you like some of my biscuits?”
“No thank you,” Phil says with a shy smile. “Who are you?”
“I’m Bear silly! Only Mother calls me Daniel,” he laughs.
“And how old are you?”
Dan holds up his hand and wiggles his fingers, answering ‘five’ in his childish
manner.
“Five?” Phil asks with genuine interest. “And you’re home all alone?”
“Papa says I’m big enough to stay home by myself sometimes. He says I’m getting
really big.”
“Yeah?”
Dan nods his head affirmatively. “He says that I don’t even cry that much
anymore and I’m getting to be a good boy. He likes that.”
“Well that’s good, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“What makes you cry?”
Dan goes silent and smashes a cookie in his hand, the chocolate smearing his
hand. “I don’t wanna say. I’m not supposed to tell anyone.”
“You can tell me. I’m a doctor. Doctors are smart and they always help people
right?”
Dan shakes his head and starts to back away from Phil. “Papa said to tell no
one and I have to be a good boy!” Dan bolts from Phil’s immediate space and
crawls himself into a corner, cowering with tears in his eyes.
“Good boys let their doctors help them,” Phil coaches him, maintaining his
distance for fear of startling the childhood Dan.
“Papa said no!”
“Okay,” Phil breathes. “Are you afraid of me? Should I leave?”
“No,” Dan whines and shakes his head, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “Do you
like Bear? Does he make you mad?”
“Oh no,” Phil says. “He’s my friend.”
“Bear doesn’t like making people mad.”
“Well I’m not mad.”
“Can I have a hug?”
Phil smiles and nods. “Yes.”
Dan grins widely, almost tripping over his feet to fall into Phil’s arms. “You
promise you aren’t mad at me?”
“Yes, I promise. You’re a good boy.”
Dan eventually falls asleep in Phil’s arms as the doctor rocks him to sleep. He
even has his thumb in his mouth and clutches onto Phil’s shirt. It would be
cute if it wasn’t this disturbing. Phil cannot help but wonder what triggered
it.
He soon finds out the next morning when he meets Danielle.
Danielle
Phil opts to stay the night, no matter how unprofessional it is. He can’t leave
a child to take care of himself and even though biologically Dan is thirty-two,
Bear is only five. When Phil wakes up, Dan is poking his nose and giggling
softly.
“Dan?”
“Don’t call me that! I’m a girl,” he giggles.
“What should I call you then?”
“Danielle. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Dan says with a wide smile. Phil
sits up on the sofa properly and wipes the sleep from his eyes. This one knows
exactly what she is. “I’m ten,” Danielle adds. “Bear is a bit much. Little boys
always are.”
“What makes you say that?”
“The way he just blows up at everything. You don’t even have to touch him and
he goes off. Me and my sister handle a lot more.”
“You have a sister? Dan never mentioned a sister.”
“He doesn’t have one. I do. She’s my twin and she’s a bit mean. You’ll meet her
soon. She always comes out right after me. She never likes when I get more time
than her.”
“Why did you come out?”
“I don’t know,” she says. “Sometimes I just do and there’s always a nice man in
the bed when I’m out.”
Phil watches the way Dan uses his hands when he speaks and even that is
different. Dan’s also twisting the ends of his hair and he’s looking at Phil
like a child looks at a trusted adult.
“Are you and your sister the only girls?”
“Yes and two is enough. Papa needed a good girl and a bad girl.”
Phil inwardly cringes as Danielle’s words. “I always thought he liked Dan.”
“He got tired of Dan so he made me.” Danielle giggles, “He even tried to turn
me into a girl completely but Mother stopped him before it was too late.”
Phil’s eyes widen and looks down at his crotch, instantly guessing what
Danielle means. “How far did he get?”
“There was this string and he’d tie it real tight around… it.”
“Oh my God–,”
“Don’t say His name in vain. Mother wouldn’t like that.”
“You didn’t deserve that. No one should have done that to you.” Dan shrugs and
stands up, heading into the next room. Phil suddenly asks, “Did Mother know
about Papa and what he was doing?”
Didi
Dan rolls his eyes and his voice takes a nasty tone. “Phil, she watched.”
“Danielle?”
“No. Guess again.”
“I’m sorry—please? Who are you?”
“The really messed up one, the one he liked to punish. He liked to call me
names.”
“Please, tell me who you are.”
“Didi.”
She’s angry, Phil notes. She’s like Danny. Phil knows to just let her talk as
she’d like. “Do I make you angry?”
“No. I just am. I hate everyone especially Papa.”
“Papa isn’t here,” Phil reminds her.
“But you make it seem like he is. You’re always asking questions.”
“I need to know how to help Dan.”
“Dan was doing fine with us controlling him. It was until he saw Papa one day
that James let him take over again. Oops, I wasn’t supposed to say that. Oh
well.”
“James? So there are seven personalities?”
“Yeah, he’s been the only controlling everything. He’s just like Dan except…
happy.”
“When will I meet him?”
“Anytime you want. This is your dream, Phil. Wake up, Phil. Wake up, Phil!”
Phil finds the world slipping away from him and it’s overtaken by a cold wind.
When he opens his eyes, he sees Dan’s brown ones and the bright light of the
lamp next to their bed.
“You were talking in your sleep. Are you alright?”
“I just had the strangest dream.”
“Was it about what you told me? About your father?”
“No,” Phil says. “It was just really weird.”
“Well? Tell me about it. Was I in it?” Dan asks, settling back down onto the
mattress.
“You were in it. You were sick and I was helping you, like you help me.”
“Did you cure me?” Dan chuckles.
“No, woke up before I could. I don’t think I could anyway. I’m no doctor.”
“Yeah, you leave that all to me, Dr. Danielle Howell.” Dan kisses Phil’s cheek
before turning over to turn off the lamp. “Maybe it was the cough medicine.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“You have court in the morning. Better get some sleep. Your client hasn’t made
it easy for you.”
“Yeah. You’re right. He hasn’t.”
“Goodnight, love.”
“Night.”
End Notes
     Folie: a psychological disorder of thought or emotion; a more neutral
     term than mental illness
     Dan’s five other personalities are representative of the different
     results of sexual abuse.
     Daniel - seeks to please, devoid of emotion
     Danny - angry, sexually promiscuous, lacks concern for himself and
     others
     Bear - a terrified child who cannot control his emotions
     Danielle - seeks love wherever she can find it, eager to please
     Didi - angry, lashes out when the love is not reciprocated
     The ending:
     Phil is married to woman named Danielle Howell (Dan). She is a
     psychiatrist and she hints at the fact that Phil had issues with his
     own father.
     Phil is also a lawyer. He wakes up from this very strange dream
     because of the inner crisis his case is giving him. You can infer
     that his client is an abuser/molester/rapist. Phil has been blocking
     out his childhood traumas to live a normal life and now he’s
     remembering it all.
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