Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/8542597. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス_|_Bungou_Stray_Dogs Relationship: Dazai_Osamu_&_Yumeno_Kyuusaku_(Bungou_Stray_Dogs), Dazai_Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya_(Bungou_Stray_Dogs), Akutagawa_Ryuunosuke_&_Dazai_Osamu_(Bungou Stray_Dogs), Dazai_Osamu/Oda_Sakunosuke_(Bungou_Stray_Dogs), Dazai_Osamu &_Kunikida_Doppo_(Bungou_Stray_Dogs), Yosano_Akiko/Dazai_Osamu/Edogawa Ranpo_(Bungou_Stray_Dogs), Dazai_Osamu/Higuchi_Ichiyou_(Bungou_Stray Dogs), Dazai_Osamu/Nakajima_Atsushi_(Bungou_Stray_Dogs) Character: Dazai_Osamu_(Bungou_Stray_Dogs) Additional Tags: Plot_What_Plot/Porn_Without_Plot, PWP Stats: Published: 2016-11-13 Completed: 2016-12-18 Chapters: 8/8 Words: 6749 ****** Flowers of Buffoonery ****** by loadtocontinue_(Cha_haya) Summary Dazai, the people around him, and sex. Notes Title taken from irl Dazai's work, Flowers of Buffoonery. (alternatively titled, "Dazai Screws Yokohama") Sex isn't in every chapter, but all of the chapters feature at least some discussion of it. Also, in this chapter, which takes place 7 years before canon, Kouyou (age 19) isn't a Port Mafia executive yet. I love Kouyou, so her promotion might be something I'll explore in another fic, who knows! ***** Case 1: Yumeno Kyuusaku ***** “Hey, Dazai-san, what’s sex?” Q asks this so innocently as he draws a picture in crayon, kicking his legs around under the table (and occasionally hitting Dazai’s shins (probably) on accident), that Dazai’s tempted to just say “a thing that mommies and daddies use to make children”, and leave it at that. But 1) that’d probably launch a discussion about mommies and daddies, and Dazai’s really not prepared to have to answer “Dazai-san, where are my mommy and daddy?”, and 2) Dazai’s well aware that most people in the mafia don’t fuck to create offspring. So instead, Dazai answers, without looking up from his book, “Something that only adults are supposed to do.” And then he asks, out of curiosity, “Where’d you hear that, anyway, Kyuusaku?” Q doesn’t look entirely satisfied with Dazai’s  reply, but he answers Dazai’s question anyway: “I overheard Mori-sensei and Kouyou nee-san talking. Mori- sensei said something like, ‘Kouyou-kun, are you trying to get into my pants?’ and Kouyou nee-san was like ‘Who would want to have sex with you, you lolicon?’, and then she threw a cushion at him.” When Dazai doesn’t give even a murmur of acknowledgement of Q’s words, the brat chucks a crayon at his head. “Ouch! Hey, what was that for?” Dazai yelps. “You still haven’t told me what sex is, Dazai-san!” Dazai sighs. He really, really isn’t in the mood to give The Talk to a 6 year old. “Ask me again when I’m an adult, would you.”   ===============================================================================     Hilariously (or not), it turns out that the first time Dazai has sex is later that same year, when he is 15 years of age. Go figure. Dazai had spoken out in disagreement with Mori at a business meeting with some big corporation, so Mori took him to the disgusting, sleazy bar across the street from the brothel Kouyou works at and ordered some alcohol for himself. Then Mori said he was going to the bathroom, and ditched Dazai at the bar. Dazai had figured out that last part as soon as the two of them had walked into the bar, though, so Dazai ignored the concerned look of the bartender and swallowed down Mori’s glass of whiskey ten seconds after the Port Mafia boss disappeared around the corner. Sure enough, it’s been ten minutes, and Mori still hasn’t come back. He probably left through the back door. Dazai’s been left alone to reflect upon his actions and wallow in his misery. Joke’s on Mori, though, that asshole. Dazai refuses to do such a thing. With some difficulty due to the alcohol hampering his senses slightly, Dazai hops off the barstool. He really, really wants to spite Mori. Which is probably a bad idea, but as long as Q’s around, Mori won’t kill him. Q’s ability is way too powerful and uncontrollable to leave unchecked. Ah, he’s got it. Dazai’s getting laid tonight. There’s a brothel right across the street, after all. He’ll put the payment on Mori’s tab business ventures tab. Mori has his secretaries deal with that crap, so he’ll probably have to answer an awkward question about why he’s using mafia funds on prostitutes. Excellent idea, Dazai. Dazai knows tonight is Kouyou’s night off work, and that she likes to spend her nights off out in the city, so she won’t be around. The guards at the door of the brothel are usually very strict about letting minors in, but Dazai’s been coming around for the past year to play/train/fight with Chuuya, so they let him in no problem. The older workers figure he’s here for Chuuya too, and leave him alone, going off to do their own work. But he catches the eye of one of the new workers and she sidles up next to him and offers to take him to her room. She seems to be around twenty, maybe older, maybe younger. She's pretty, with daintily painted nails and a lovely smile. Dazai can tell that she has no idea who he is, or how old he is (Dazai’s pretty tall for his age, much to Chuuya’s chargin). He smiles, and takes her hand. Sex with her is kind of underwhelming, but it's an--interesting new experience. The orgasm the woman gives him feels good, and Dazai politely thanks her for her time afterwards. Then he goes off to Chuuya’s room on trembling legs, shaky from-- from the trill of a recent release. “What are you doing here, Dazai?” Chuuya greets him upon opening the door after Dazai’s sloppily knocks upon the sliding wood. Chuuya must have gotten out of the bath recently; his hair is wet. Dazai pushes past Chuuya and into his room, then proceeds to plant himself face-first into Chuuya’s futon, much to Chuuya’s squawked displeasure. “What the fuck, Dazai.” After a few moments of silence, Chuuya sighs, and flops down next to him. There’s some shuffling, the click of a DS opening, and then video game noises fill the otherwise silent room. “Chuuya,” Dazai starts, after a while. “What,” says Chuuya. “...Never mind.” ***** Case 2: Nakahara Chuuya ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes Chuuya isn't the first mafia member he fucks, but he is the most frequent-- a byproduct of the amount of time they spend with each other, most likely. Dazai wouldn't say he and Chuuya are friends, probably, since he's fairly sure friends are supposed to like each other, and he doesn’t think that “like” is the best way to describe what he feels for the petit mafioso. But Dazai does know that he trusts Chuuya with his life, and that Chuuya trusts Dazai with his (as proven every time For the Tainted Sorrow is activated), and, well, that's got to count for something. They've known each other since they were fourteen, and they’ve shared so many experiences together, so many stand-out memories, that Dazai has come to know Chuuya like the back of his hand: his likes and dislikes, his strengths and weaknesses, his habits and mannerisms, what ticks him off, what makes him shut up, everything and anything that could possibly be useful to know. And yet, they don’t feel like friends. Dazai knows that Chuuya spends time with him more out of feelings of familiarity and camaraderie than out of anything like fondness, and Dazai feels the same way. What had Kouyou-nee-san called it? An undesirable friendship? That describes their relationship pretty well, Dazai supposes. Nevertheless, Chuuya is this first guy Dazai has sex with. Surprisingly, however, the same isn't true the other way around. Who knew! Someone had thought it'd be a fun idea to bang his hatrack of a partner! And so Chuuya takes the lead, the first time around, wriggling in Dazai’s lap, orange hair tickling Dazai’s nose, as Dazai grips the armrest of the leather couch they had fallen onto with slippery palms, slick with sweat after emptying his handgun during a surprise ambush by an opposing group’s forces. There’s blood (not his, for the most part) stickiying the bandages of his left arm, and Chuuya’s face is streaked with blood and dirt, and they both smell like sweat, but they’re high on adrenaline and, most importantly, alive . Chuuya manages to kick his own form-fitting slacks off, somehow, though he can’t be bothered to do anything more to Dazai’s pants than shove them halfway down his thighs. Dazai claws at the collar of Chuuya’s shirt, pressing his mouth to the strip of neck between Chuuya’s choker and collar bone, and bites down. Chuuya moans, and the sound makes Dazai shiver. Dazai’s first thought as Chuuya sinks onto his dick is warm , and then his second is well aren't I the idiot for wanting to bang my hatrack of a partner , and then all thoughts fly out his head as Chuuya bottoms out with a small shout, hands slinging themselves around Dazai’s neck. Afterwards, they pass out on Dazai’s bed, limbs tangled together, despite the stickiness of the gross mix of bodily fluids. They screw almost exclusively after battles, when they’re soaked in blood and sweat. It’s almost a routine. Destroy the enemy. Return to safety. Patch each others’ wounds. Fuck, fast and messy. Pass out. Wake up, take a bath, meet with Mori to discuss results. Get assigned on another mission. Rise and repeat. Sometimes they don’t have sex after a battle, and that’s okay too. Sometimes Chuuya passes out after using Tainted, and Dazai carries him back to his new apartment downtown, tucks Chuuya into his bed, and hides his stupid hat on top of his fridge before collapsing on the couch. That’s fine too. He might not like him, but trusts Chuuya enough not to murder him in his sleep. Chapter End Notes do u every think about how dazai and chuuyas profiles are the only ones that reference each other blackrom soukoku is canon ***** Case 3: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke ***** Chapter Notes To anyone looking for Dazai/Akutagawa: im sorry but dazai/akutagawa is one of my nnnnaaaahtps for this fandom so instead i wrote soukoku pt 2 ft akutagawa See the end of the chapter for more notes A year after the first time they have sex, Dazai finds himself kneeling on the floor, Chuuya’s legs thrown over his shoulders, Chuuya’s hands twisted in his hair, as Dazai carefully takes Chuuya’s dick into his mouth. This is only his... what, second time giving someone head? But Chuuya seems to think that he's doing well, a low groan rumbling through his chest. He tries to coax his cock further into Dazai's mouth, but that makes Dazai almost gag, so instead Dazai pulls off and instead gives Chuuya's dick a wide, long lick, base to tip, which seems to please Chuuya just as well. They’re in Dazai’s new office room at the Port Mafia HQ. He’s an Executive now, so his office is much bigger than his previous one. There’s enough space for a nice mahogany desk and a sofa, which Chuuya is currently sat on. They haven’t finished fighting or anything, but Dazai wants to celebrate his promotion by having sex in his nice new office! And Chuuya had been around, and willing, so here they are, foreplaying around before the actual sex, since, for once, they’re not exhausted and hopped up on adrenaline. They can take it slow, this time. Dazai curls his fingers around Chuuya’s waist and covers Chuuya’s cock with his mouth once more. Chuuya grunts, and Dazai thinks he can do better, so he relaxes his jaw, takes in as much as he can, and sucks. It’s kind of hard (heh) and his mouth burns a little at the stretch, but it’s totally worth it just to see the face his partner makes. Chuuya makes a high-pitched whine and tugs at Dazai’s hair. “Dazai, hold on, I’m gonna--” And then the door flies open. “Dazai-san, about that mission--” Akutagawa starts, and then stops. ...Oops. The couch is pushed up against the left wall, relative to the door. There’s nothing obscuring the view from the door of the entire couch. Meaning, Akutagawa can definitely see Dazai and Chuuya. And judging from the red that’s rapidly spreading across Akutagawa’s usually pale face, he definitely knows what they’re doing. Dazai detaches his mouth from Chuuya’s groin. He can feel spit and precum dribbling down the corners of his lips, but he ignores it in favor of smiling and waving at his young underling. “Hiya, Akutagawa-kun.” Akutagawa averts his gaze and coughs, hand covering his mouth. “I-I’m terribly sorry to have disturbed you, Dazai-san. I’ll come back later.” Then he leaves, coat swishing behind him. Chuuya scowls down at Dazai. Dazai narrowly dodges a kick aimed at his head. “You left the door unlocked on purpose, didn’t you, bastard.” It’s not a question. “I thought the potential of getting caught would be thrilling,” he shrugs. “Though you’re wrong if you think I purposefully called Akutagawa here.” Chuuya makes a contemplative face, then shakes his head. “Nah, you hate him too much to bother with something that.” “What makes you think I hate him?” Dazai asks, a hint of curiosity betraying his nonchalant voice. Chuuya frowns. “For one, you’ve complained about him near constantly for the past week. If he’s that much of a bother, then you shouldn’t have taken him in in the first place, dumbass. Second of all,” Chuuya continues, “You never seem to want to be near him, even when you’re training together.” Urgh. Chuuya’s right. Dazai really is pissed at Akutagawa for consistently ignoring Dazai’s advice when he tries to advise him on how to use Rashoumon effectively. If he’d only listen, Akutagawa’s ability could be used for so much more than reckless destruction, but instead his annoying underling keeps charging right into battles without even a smidgen of a plan besides 'Attack!'. Like hell he’s gonna tell Chuuya that, though. They’re not friends. Dazai puts on a smile. “Akutagawa-kun’s a bit troublesome to deal with, but of course I don’t hate him,” he says. “You’re the only one I hate, Chuuya.” “Asshole.” Chuuya says. Then, “Get offa me.” Dazai moves out of the way. Chuuya stands up and walks over to where his pants are draped over Dazai’s desk. “... Don’t wanna have sex anymore?” Chuuya scoffs. “Hell no. Knowing I got caught with you is a real turn-off.” Damn. Chuuya pulls his pants on, buttons up his shirt, and shrugs on his jacket. “I’m gonna go talk to Akutagawa.” Dazai raises an eyebrow. “And threaten him not to spill the beans?” “You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” Chuuya says, rolling his eyes. “Though it doesn’t look like he has anyone talks to besides you and Gin. Nah, I’m gonna bond with him over how shitty of a person you are.” Chuuya sets his hat on his head and leaves the room. Chapter End Notes soukoku is my bias That being said, this is the last chapter featuring Soukoku. ***** Case 4: Oda Sakunosuke ***** Chapter Notes In canon, I think Dazai and Odasaku met Ango 2 years before Dazai defected at age 18, which would actually make Dazai an upwards of 16 years old when he first meets Odasaku. By then, I think he was already an Executive. But for the purposes of this fic and my sanity Dazai gets promoted at 17.   why is everyone in this series so young theres no way kunikida couldve become a teacher and then a government employee before he reached 22 jfc See the end of the chapter for more notes Dazai first meets Odasaku a month after his promotion to Port Mafia executive, when he’s 17. They become drinking buddies (even though Dazai is underage. As if anyone in any mafia-protected bar would ever dare to ID him. He’s the demonic prodigy, the youngest executive of the Port Mafia, and if he wants a drink, he will have a drink ). It’s so nice to have someone Dazai can talk to without feeling the need to hide himself, to put up defenses, to deceive. He can be honest around Odasaku. More than that, Dazai genuinely enjoys being with Odasaku. He really hopes it’s mutual. So one day, as they’re headed towards Bar Lupin, Dazai asks Odasaku if he enjoys spending time with him. “Of course,” Odasaku says, a hint of bafflement in his voice. “You’re my friend, after all.” Dazai actually pauses in his step at that, eyes widening just a fraction. Friends . He’s never anyone call him that before. He’s never had anyone he’d wanted to call him friend before, only mentors, coworkers, disagreeable partners, and underlings. Friends, huh. Dazai lets out a small laugh, causing Odasaku to turn and look at him with a confused expression. “What?” “Nothing,” Dazai smiles, and bumps shoulders with his friend . The word gives rise to a fluffy feeling in his chest. “Nothing at all!”   ===============================================================================     He sleeps with Odasaku when he is 18. Sex with Odasaku is, for lack of a better word, nice . That’s really the best way to describe it. Odasaku’s such a gentleman, always making sure Dazai’s comfortable, that he’s not in pain, that he’s having a fun time. Odasaku’s hands are gentle as he unbuttons Dazai’s shirt. They’re on Odasaku’s bed, and Dazai’s in Odasaku’s lap, wrapped up in Odasaku’s warmth. Odasaku finishes unbuttoning Dazai’s shirt and pushes the young Executive back until he’s lying flat on the bed. Dazai smiles up at Odasaku, and then pulls him down for a kiss. It’s a bit strange, kissing during sex. He rarely does it with any of his one- night stands, whether they be male or female, and with Chuuya, it’s more like they’re exchanging bruising mouth-punches. Kissing, Odasaku, however, is sweet and sensual. It’s a nice feeling that Dazai revels in. Odasaku takes his time exploring Dazai, mapping the contours of his skin, before his hands even go anywhere near Dazai’s crotch.  Dazai gasps when Odasaku’s fingers slip inside of him, and moans when, afterwards, Odasaku holds Dazai close and slowly presses into him. It’s warm, and Dazai feels safe, enveloped in Odasaku’s embrace.   ===============================================================================     The morning after, while Odasaku is still sleeping, Dazai slips out of bed and into his friend’s beige jacket, just to see what it’d look like on him. A glance in the mirror shows that it’s way too broad around the shoulders for Dazai’s slim frame. If he rolls up the sleeves, though, then it doesn’t look so bad. And the entire thing smells like Odasaku, which definitely isn’t bad. There’s some shuffling behind him. “Looks good on you,” Odasaku says, sleepily rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he sits up, the blanket slipping down his chest to pool in his lap. “You think so?” Dazai gives it a little twirl. The jacket’s hem, which had only reached mid-thigh on Odasaku, goes down to Dazai’s knees. “Maybe I’ll take it, then?” Odasaku frowns. “Don’t take that one. It was a birthday present from the kids.” “Don’t worry. I was just kidding,” Dazai laughs. “Mori-san would get upset if I ever wore a coat given to me by another man, so I’m saving my outfit change for when I really want to piss him off.” And then, he’ll finally have an excuse to burn that filthy thing. It’s been dirtied by blood more times than Dazai can count, and yet it still looks perfectly fine, as black as the day Mori had first gifted the coat to Dazai. Odasaku’s coat, on the other hand. Despite the fabric being ten shades lighter, the only stain Dazai can find is a small coffee stain a little over the left pocket. No blood stains at all. Dazai’s still looking himself in the mirror when Odasaku wraps his arms around his waist and affectionately nuzzles Dazai’s neck from behind. “I’m gonna make breakfast,” Odasaku says. “Anything you’d like?” “You’re such a gentleman, Odasaku,” Dazai laughs, turning around to face his friend. “In that case, may I request a second round?”   ===============================================================================     But of course, nothing good lasts forever, especially for the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia. Odasaku dies, and Dazai takes the time to burn the black coat Mori had given him before he leaves for the world of light. Two weeks after that, on his way to meet Chief Taneda of the Special Abilities Department, Dazai’s eyes catch on the window display of a coat shop. Dazai reaches Taneda at the bar later than he had initially planned, but when he does, Dazai is wearing a new beige long coat. Chapter End Notes Also this is the last Port Mafia chapter! On to the Agency! ***** Case 5: Kunikida Doppo ***** Chapter Notes srry theres no actual kunikida/dazai smut orz See the end of the chapter for more notes If friends are people you want to spend time with without having any ulterior motives and vice versa, then Dazai is sure that Odasaku would be glad to know: Dazai has made a few, in the wake of his first friend's death. Dazai is also sure that Odasaku would get along splendidly with one of these friends in particular: Kunikida. Not that Dazai doesn't get along with the blond, but... Odasaku would have gotten along with Kunikida in a different way, Dazai thinks! Dazai’s deep bond with Odasaku had probably been a once in a lifetime affinity. Dazai’s friendship with Kunikida... “Kunikida, I’m just saying this, but you seem more uptight than usual,” Dazai remarks. Kunikida tries to make his shrug seem nonchalant, but Dazai can see his brow twitch from where he’s resting his head on his own desk. “Maybe it’s because of the nuisance who keeps bothering me while I’m working,” Kunikida spits out. It’s late. The last bit setting sun is filtering through the blinds. Everyone else has already gone home for the day. All that’s left is Kunikida, who’s working on a report, and Dazai, who’s “helping” his partner. Dazai laughs. “Yeah, or maybe you just need to get laid. Sex helps with stress, you know!” “Does it.” “It does! Didn’t you know-- Ah, wait,” Dazai brings a hand to cover his mouth and says in a fake-scandalized tone, “Don’t tell me. Are you possibly a virgin, Kunikida?” There’s a beat of silence, except for the scritch-scratch of Kunikida’s pen on paper, and then-- Kunikida sighs. “Yes, I am,” Knew it, Dazai thinks, “Though I don’t see how that has anything to do with me being stressed, since you’re the one who keeps bothering me.” “Well, if you wanted to,” Dazai says casually, “I wouldn’t mind helping you out with that.” Kunikida sputters. “What.” “With your virginity, I mean. Not with your report,” Dazai clarifies, just in case. He doesn’t want Kunikida to think that he’s offering to help with paperwork. “No, I got that, I just-- why?” Dazai shrugs. “Who knows. Do you wanna, though?” Kunikida gives him a cold look. “No way. I don’t plan on having sex until marriage.” Dazai whistles. “Ah, old-fashioned, are we. Well, then, what if I married you?” Kunikida’s brow twitches again. “My list for an ideal romantic partner--” “--contains 58 requirements, right?” Dazai had read all of it. An excellent read, that list. Some of the requirements were kind of embarrassing, to be honest. But he had noticed that none of them had mentioned gender. Kunikida scowls. “Stop going through my stuff, bastard. But yes, it does. And you only meet ten of them. Therefore, we are highly incompatible. I’m not planning on marrying anyone who can’t even meet a fourth of the requirements. So you see, I don’t see us performing c-coitus any time in the foreseeable future.” Dazai pouts. “You sure are a master at turning people down, aren’t you.” “It doesn’t count if the offer wasn’t serious,” Kunikida argues. He’s right, but Dazai knew from the beginning that Kunikida would’ve turned him down whether he was serious or not. Why bother? Dazai stands up, and picks up his coat from where it's draped over the back of his chair. "In that case, you should treat me to dinner, Kunikida!" "Hah?!" Kunikida does some more scowling. "Why should I do that? You've done nothing but distract me for the past hour!" "Yeah," Dazai says, stretching, "But you're still stressed out. Let's take a break, Kunikida! I'll even pay for my own food!" "That's what you're supposed to do, idiot." But Kunikida does look like he's considering Dazai's offer. Just one final push. "... If you come get dinner with me, I won't tell Chief Fukuzawa that he fulfills 46 out of 58 requirements on your ideal partner list!" The pen in Kunikida's hand snaps in half. ... Oops. That might have been too big of a push.   ===============================================================================   Dazai's ears are ringing by the time Kunikida's done yelling at him, almost half an hour later. Wow. Who knew a person could have that much lung capacity? They do end up getting dinner together, though. Chapter End Notes Since same-sex marriage isn't legal in Japan, I suppose if Kunikida were to find his ideal partner in a male, he would consider "marriage" to be adding the boyfriend's name to Kunikida's family register (koseki adoption). Or cohabitation, I guess. ***** Case 6: Edogawa Ranpo and Yosano Akiko ***** Chapter Notes A bit more lighthearted than the other chapters. Dazai's skillz at performing oral strike again I'm not saying that I started writing this series just so I could write Yosano topping Dazai in some form or fashion, but. See the end of the chapter for more notes A year after Dazai starts working at the Armed Detective Agency, Ranpo propositions him to a threesome with Yosano. It goes like this: Ranpo has just used his super-deduction “ability” to solve a murder case for the police. Everybody cheers, except for the police, who grumble about someone being better at their jobs than them. And the culprit, who’s spouting curses as she’s led away from the crime scene in handcuffs. And the victim’s younger brother, who has to be held back from physically assaulting the culprit. And Ranpo, who’s wincing from where the culprit had punched him in the gut earlier. And Dazai, who’s wondering how the fuck Ranpo had deduced the culprit from two spots of dirt on the floor, a single shard of glass, and a fingerprint smudge on a coffee mug. So, in short, nobody’s cheering. After they tie things up with the police, the two of them walk back together to the Agency, the sun setting dramatically behind them. Ranpo prods at his stomach, breathing out a sigh of relief when he finds that his injury isn’t bleeding, so Yosano-san won’t need/want to treat him. She doesn't need to heal Ranpo nearly as much as Kenji or Kunikida, since Ranpo's "a lover, not a fighter" (aka, Ranpo's useless in a fight), and it would be embarrassing if the few times she did need to heal him was because Ranpo got distracted looking at a picture of a dog and let the culprit falcon-punch him in the stomach. Yosano would laugh for days. Oh, that reminds him. Speaking of Yosano-san, “Dazai-kun, Yosano-san’s been wanting to try a threesome for some time now, wanna help?” Which is how Dazai finds himself in a love hotel, 48 hours later, with Yosano’s cunt in his face and Ranpo’s dick in his ass. Well, this is an interesting experience! “My, Dazai-kun, you’re really good at this, aren’t you?” Yosano coos, a gloved hand fisting in his hair as she rocks her groin against Dazai's mouth. She’s naked, except for those black gloves she always wears, which Dazai finds kind of really hot. Yosano would totally be the type of lady that Dazai’d proposition a lover’s suicide to, if the good doctor didn’t hold life in such high regard. As it is, Yosano’d probably sucker-punch him in the face if he’d ever suggested such a thing. Dazai drags his tongue over Yosano’s clit and laves at the nub, causing her to let out a pleased sigh. “You’re amazing, Dazai-kun. Much better at oral than some other guy I know.” “That’s mean, Yosano-san,” Ranpo says. He’s got a hand on Dazai’s dick and the other under Dazai’s knee, pushing Dazai’s leg out of the way so he can shallowly thrust into him. “We all have different talents.” “Psh,” says Yosano, guiding one of Dazai’s hands to cup at her breast, “You just don’t want to admit that you suck at eating pussy.” Dazai squeezes lightly as he runs his tongue in circles around her clit. Then he moves down a little to worm his tongue inside Yosano's cunt, and she gasps, throwing her head back in pleasure. “It’s true though! Last time, didn’t you remark,” Ranpo starts, and then suddenly Ranpo’s cock brushes up against a spot inside of Dazai that makes him keen, and Dazai gasps against Yosano’s cunt, “that I was great at finding all your sensitivespots, Yosano-san?” “Well, that was then and this is now,” she says, and stops grinding against Dazai’s face for a second, momentarily pulling his head away from her groin by his hair. Dazai can feel her slick and his spit rolling off the corners of his mouth even as his dazed eyes focus on Yosano’s flushed face, smiling down at him from above. There’s a hand he can’t see tugging harshly on his cock, and the slick slide of Ranpo's dick pushing in and out of him. It presses up against Dazai's prostrate again, and Dazai moans, the sound echoing through the room. Yosano smirks. “What do you think of him, Dazai-kun?” she asks playfully. Dazai smiles lazily, but he doesn't answer right away (it's hard to formulate sentences when you're focusing your attention on two people during sex, dammit). Ranpo laughs. "Look, he's speechless. I guess I really am just that good!" "He is," Dazai says, and Ranpo laughs again, and rubs a thumb at a spot just under the head of Dazai's cock. Dazai lets out a happy gasp. "So good." Yosano rolls her eyes, but she's smiling. Then she sits back down on Dazai's face, and Dazai enthusiastically resumes eating her out. Dazai's glad that he's made more friends! Chapter End Notes I wish there were more women I could feasibly ship Dazai with. Kouyou's out because I headcanon her as being soukoku's honorary sister. Higuchi wasn't around during Dazai's dark days (i think). Naomi and Kyouka are.... yeah, no. and gins a lesbian There's one more chapter up ahead. I think it's pretty obvious who it's gonna be. ***** Case 7: Higuchi Ichiyou ***** Chapter Notes I lied. I figured out a way to fit in a Dazai/female character chapter before the final Atsushi chapter. i spent waaay too long wondering if i'd seem too desperate if i tried to write dazai/lucy tbh When does this chapter take place? ==> sometime between the guild wars arc and the "fyodor ruins everything" arc What leads to this situation happening? ==> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ porn convenience So anyway here's Higuchi and Dazai and gunplay See the end of the chapter for more notes Dazai likes his women strong. Ah, not strong physically (though that’s certainly not a turn-off), but strong mentally. Strong-willed. Yes, that’s it. And this woman… Higuchi points her gun at his chest. “Strip,” she commands, her voice only faltering slightly, at the end of the word. Well, she’d have to be strong-willed, going along with Dazai’s messed up kinks. Dazai wouldn’t consider himself a masochist, not by a long stretch. He detests pain. He’d rather live a while longer than suffer through a painful suicide. That said, the threat of death is something he rather quite… enjoys. Of course, Dazai’s not an idiot. He doesn’t actually want to get murdered during sex (though, that would be quite a way to go!). So, with this kind of D&S play, his partner has to be someone Dazai trusts with his life, or at least, someone Dazai trusts not to kill him while he’s in the throes of ecstasy. He could ask his friends. But his friends are nice people. They would certainly get concerned if Dazai went up to them and said Hey, I get really turned on when people order me around in bed by threatening me with lethal weapons, do you think you could do that for me? (Heck, Chuuya had hesitated the first time Dazai had suggested it. Chuuya, who had otherwise never missed out on an opportunity to get Dazai to do what he wanted.) Even the super sadist doctor, Yosano, only enjoyed dealing out pain when she knew she could heal them with her Ability, and considering No Longer Human canceled out Thou Shalt Not Live… No, this is the kind of stuff you only ask of those who are already involved in the world of the dark. Higuchi’s gun is fully loaded. She won’t fire it, and they both know that. Higuchi would never risk killing Dazai, after all. She would never hurt him, not if Higuchi wanted to stay on her beloved Akutagawa-senpai’s good side. Still, there’s always the lingering possibility that she could. And that threat does things to Dazai. Especially when it’s delivered by a pretty lady! And indeed, Higuchi is gorgeous, even as she looks at Dazai with such unmasked disgust in her eyes. Dazai finishes taking his pants off, and moves on to his vest. He gets that off, too, and manages to get his shirt unbuttoned halfway before Higuchi swats his hand to the side. “That’s enough,” she says, a slight tremble in her voice. Although... Dazai tilts his head to the side, in question. “Do you want to stop?” Higuchi closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath in. She opens her eyes. “No,” she says, decidedly steadier.  Then she says, “Take off my pants.” Dazai kneels, and does as she says, Higuchi’s gun trained on his head the entire time. He lets his eyes linger on her creamy white calves for a second, before Higuchi orders, “Stand up,” and Dazai obeys. He only stays upright for a second, though, and then he’s falling backwards, something jerking him hard by his shirttail. Dazai’s back hits the cheap hotel bed with a soft thud, and Higuchi quickly clamors astride him, straddling his waist and effectively trapping Dazai between the mattress and the barrel of her gun. Oh, this woman is strong, no doubt. Nowhere near, say, Gin’s level of physical strength, but Higuchi’d probably be able to beat Dazai in a one-to-one unarmed fight. In any case, Dazai doesn’t think he could escape, if Higuchi was seriously trying to restrain him. The thought sends a shiver down his spine. “Any requests?” Higuchi asks, shoving her gun closer to Dazai’s face. Dazai’s grinning so hard, his face hurts. “No-----pe,” he says, dragging out the o. “Anything is fine, as long as it doesn’t involve hurting me. Purposefully,” he adds, playfully. There’s always a good kind of pain, when it comes to sex. Higuchi bites her lip. “You’re kinda messed up.” “Indeed.” She shakes her head. “Right.” She sighs, considering what to do. “... You know, I’ve been told I’m very good with my mouth,” Dazai says, picking up on her uneasiness of where to go from here. Higuchi startles. “Ah…” She quickly schools her surprised expression into something more composed. “A-Actually, no,” she says, but winces at the stutter. So Higuchi sucks in a breath, exhales, and says in a very matter-of-fact tone, “I’m going to ride you, and in the meantime, you’re going to give this gun a thorough cleaning using only your mouth. Are we clear?” “Yes, ma’am,” Dazai nods enthusiastically, and lets Higuchi shove the gun partway into his mouth. The metal is cold against his tongue, and there’s a slight hint of blood and smoke around the muzzle. Dazai licks away the impurities obediently, until he can’t taste them any longer. He’s so focused in on the gun in his mouth while Higuchi fumbles around on his hips (wow, Dazai thinks distantly, it takes skill to put a condom on one- handedly ) that he almost misses it when she finally sinks onto his dick. Dazai takes a moment to savor the tightness, writhing just a tiny bit, before Higuchi prods him a little with her gun. “H-hey,” she pants out, “Who told you to stop?” Dazai allows her to push the gun a little deeper into his mouth, obediently running his tongue against the parts that are still dry, then watches, entranced, as Higuchi lowers herself inch by torturous inch onto Dazai’s cock. She’s so tight and warm around him that Dazai has to remind himself to breathe a couple of times. Finally, Higuchi bottoms out, back arching. Then, surprisingly, she removes the gun from Dazai’s mouth. Dazai makes a sound of protest at the loss, but Higuchi then taps the muzzle of the gun, wet with his spit, against Dazai’s forehead. “Dazai-san,” she says, calm voice at ends with how debauched she looks, “Right now, I want you to focus solely on pleasing me. You can do that, right?” Dazai nods. Higuchi smiles, and wow, that’s really hot. “Good. Otherwise, I’ll blow your brains out afterwards, okay?” They both know that’s an absolute lie, but Dazai doesn’t think he’d mind going out in such a way, to be honest. Higuchi raises her hips, so that the head of Dazai’s dick is caught just barely inside the lips of her pussy. “Say yes, Dazai-san.” “Yes, okay,” Dazai breathes, and cants his hips upwards. Higuchi stifles a moan behind her hand, and pushes down to meet him halfway. Chapter End Notes Dazai's a closet ドM. I was kind of aiming to show that Higuchi was kind of nervous about the whole gun thing (though consenting of it), because as everyone knows, Guns Are Dangerous. Especially fully loaded ones, Dazai what the shit ***** Case 8: Nakajima Atsushi ***** Chapter Notes Dazai: "I have no such tastes in men."   You: He's not interested in dudes Me, an intellectual: Dazai's bi. "I have no such tastes in men" refers to Dazai not being a furry. but he is willing to make an exception for atsushi also i've been furiously ignoring that line since chapter 2, why stop now See the end of the chapter for more notes “Is this your first time, Atsushi?” Of course it’s Atsushi’s first time. He’s been living in an orphanage of terror since for as long as he could remember. Where, exactly, would he have managed to get any? Atsushi, sprawled out on the futon beneath Dazai, nods nervously. Dazai laughs quietly. “That’s okay. We can take it slowly. It’s your precious first time, after all.” Dazai hasn’t ‘taken it slow’ in a while, though. Not since Odasaku, now that he thinks about it (unless you counted the times where Dazai had played around with the wonderful torture that was orgasm denial, which Dazai doesn’t). But it’s never too late for vanilla sex. (Though Kunikida was making him reconsider that. Dazai seriously needed to get that guy married off so he could get laid.) Dazai tries to recall what Odasaku was like during sex, even if it brings a little pain to his heart. Sex with Odasaku was the most objectively pleasant, after all. He wants to recreate those feelings here for his cute junior Atsushi’s first time, Dazai thinks. Hm, what had Odasaku done that was so different from everyone else Dazai had slept with? Used a lot of lube? No, Odasaku hadn’t used more than anyone else. Complimented Dazai’s fashion sense? Nah, Odasaku hadn’t done that until the morning after. And besides, neither Dazai nor Atsushi are wearing clothes at the moment… And no clothes means that Dazai can’t seductively slip Atsushi’s shirt off, which was also something Odasaku had done. Well, damn, what else was Dazai supposed to do? “Um, Dazai-san?” Atsushi says quietly, though it’s a bit too loud to be considered a whisper, “Are you gonna do anything or…?” -- Ah, that’s right, Odasaku had kissed Dazai. Tenderly, and full of passion. That. Dazai leans down and plants a kiss on Atsushi’s lips. Atsushi stiffens momentarily beneath him, but then the boy practically melts in Dazai’s arms. Sweet. Then Atsushi surprises Dazai by trying to slip in tongue, which Dazai is all for. Dazai lets his mouth open and Atsushi’s tongue worms its way in. Sweet! Dazai hooks Atsushi’s bare leg around his hip in order to pull him closer to his body. His hand trails over the boy’s crotch, and then lower, lower, until Dazai’s brushing over his hole-- Suddenly, Atsushi breaks off the kissing and pushes Dazai, forcefully, away. “Wha-- Atsushi--” “Waitwaitwait,” Atsushi pants out. He’s breathing heavily, face flushed red. Dazai waits until Atsushi’s breathing evens out a bit before trying to say anything else. “Are you--” “I’m freaking out right now,” Atsushi interrupts. “Hold on a second!” Dazai blinks. “Why are you freaking out?” Atsushi looks to the side. “Uhhhh.” Dazai frowns. “Atsushi-kun?” “... Don’t laugh,” Atsushi says, dragging a hand down his face. “Okay,” says Dazai, because contrary to popular belief, he is capable of reading the mood (though whether he chose to ignore that mood was another matter altogether). “I’m kind of really freaked out by the prospect of your dick in my ass,” Atsushi says, very quickly, so all the words are kind of mushed together, and Dazai has to take a moment to process the sentence. “Okay,” Dazai says. Then he gets off of Atsushi and flops down on the futon next to him. “Y-you’re not angry?” Atsushi asks, sheepishly. “Why would I be?” Dazai says. “I did say we could take it slow, didn’t I? It’s your first time.” “... Right.” Atsushi shifts so he’s facing Dazai. “Yeah.”  Dazai runs a hand through Atsushi’s weirdly colored hair and looks him in his weirdly colored eyes before speaking again. “So? Do you want to stop, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai asks. Atsushi furiously shakes his head, then puts a hand on top of the hand Dazai’s got in his hair. “No! I still very much want to have s-sex with you, Dazai- san.” “Mm,” Dazai considers, “You could fuck me?” Atsushi’s face erupts into a scarlet blush. “Please don’t make me lead, I have no idea what I’m doing,” Atsushi says in one breath. “If I rode you--” Atsushi gives him a flat look. “You’re heavy, Dazai-san,” he deadpans. Rude. But at least Atsushi doesn’t seem so ready to drop into dogeza now. Well, if Atsushi doesn’t want to be fucked or fuck Dazai, then maybe they could engage in some form of non-penetrative sex? “I could… give you a blowjob?” Dazai suggests. Atsushi rolls over to face the ceiling and covers his face with his arm. “No, that’s a bit-- ugh. I don’t want to make you do all the work, Dazai-san!” “I wouldn’t mind,” Dazai argues, but Atsushi’s giving him a Look that’s leaving no room for argument. Dazai taps his temple with his finger. “... Wanna try sixty-nineing, then?” Atsushi shakes his head, a blush forming over his cheeks. “No. I, ah, I want to be able to see your face...” Holy shit, that’s adorable. Dazai voices that thought, which makes Atsushi blush even harder. Dazai smiles. “Well then, how about frottage?” Atsushi makes a questioning expression. “Frottage…?” Dazai smirks as he brings his two index fingers together and rubs them against each other, lengthwise. “It’s non-penetrative body grinding. Dry-humping, if you will. Rubrubrubrub--” Atsushi slaps a hand in Dazai’s face. “Holy heck, I get it, I get it!” Dazai laughs around Atsushi’s fingers. “So, wanna do it?” Atsushi takes in a deep breath. “... Okay.”   ===============================================================================     “Dazai-san, Dazai-san, Dazai-san,” Atsushi pants out, arms thrown around Dazai’s neck as Dazai grinds against his hip. “Dazai--” Atsushi breaks off into a whine. Dazai laughs, a little breathlessly. “You’re doing well, Atsushi-kun,” he mutters, sweat dripping down his brow as he wraps a hand around both their dicks and jerks. Atsushi moans, drags his hands down Dazai’s back. “Dazai-san,” he says, again. “Wonderfully,” Dazai says, and speeds his hand up. The climax is so blissful, and the expression on Atsushi’s face even more so, that Dazai doesn’t notice he’s bleeding until he feels the trickle of blood running down his sides. Atsushi notices it only a beat afterwards. “Holy shit!” he says, scrambling to get his arms away from where they’d last been clawing up Dazai’s back in pleasure. … Oh. Atsushi’s usual, skinny, human arms have transformed into furry tiger arms. If this is going to happen every time Atsushi has an orgasm with someone, it’s gonna end up a real problem. Luckily for today, though, Atsushi orgasmed with Dazai. Dazai taps Atsushi’s arm. “No Longer Human,” he commands, and Atsushi’s arms reverts to normal. A moment of silence for the bandages on Dazai’s back, which will need to be replaced. Atsushi breaks the silence. “Uhhhhhhhh,” he says. Dazai decides to lighten the mood before Atsushi starts his usual apologizing. “... Well, I’m sure there’s been worst first times!” Atsushi blinks, then scowls. “Dazai-san, you’re not helping!” Chapter End Notes "How did Atsushi's tiger-shifting work when Dazai's still touching his dick?" ==> porn convenience Tbh I have no idea what Dazai looks like during sex, in regards to his bandages. Do they reach his hips? Do they cover his thighs? What's underneath? Who the fuck knows, but in this fic the answer is "he's just wearing them as a fashion statement". Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!