Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3333386.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      World_Wrestling_Entertainment, Professional_Wrestling
  Relationship:
      Dean_Ambrose/Seth_Rollins, mentions_of_Dean_Ambrose/Roman_Reigns
  Character:
      Seth_Rollins, Dean_Ambrose, Roman_Reigns, Jeff_Hardy, Matt_Hardy, Lita_
      (World_Wrestling_Entertainment), Paige_|_Britani_Knight
  Additional Tags:
      and_a_lot_of_other_people, Porn_Actor!Dean, Porn_Actor!Roman, Cyberfights
      -_Freeform, Coming_Out, Slow_Build, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Bullying,
      Fake/Pretend_Relationship, Overprotective_Roman, Interns_&_Internships,
      Seth_tries_to_change_the_business, Alternate_Universe, Unrequited_Love,
      starts_"underage"_but_Seth_turns_18_at_some_point
  Series:
      Part 1 of Flesh_It_Out
  Collections:
      Best_of_Ambrollins
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-02-11 Updated: 2017-07-24 Chapters: 27/? Words: 118364
****** Flesh It Out ******
by Kura
Summary
     Seventeen-year-old Seth Rollins is an avid fan of Cyberfights - a
     company that combines two of his passions: wrestling and porn. One
     rainy day, he stumbles over the man of his (wet) dreams, Jon Moxley,
     in a coffee shop, getting a glimpse at the man behind the mask.
     Of course, he can't let him walk out of his life again.
Notes
     I've been wanting to write this fic for months already and I finally
     got around to edit the introductory chapter. Just wanna see if people
     are interested in the story. As always, for more info go to
     ambrollinsgirl. Have fun =)
***** Chapter 1 *****
                       Act One: pleasure before business
Seth couldn't be happier he's finally home from school, yelling at his mom that
he needs to do something real quick on his way upstairs – she reminds him
exasperatedly that he should finally learn to use his indoor voice and that
dinner won't be ready until seven, since she didn't expect him to come home
this early –, throwing his backpack into the corner of his room before slamming
his door shut and turning on his laptop.
He's a man on a mission. Or rather a teenager on a very important mission. He
has marked this day in his calendar for weeks already, has counted the hours
until it was finally here. Jon Moxley returned to action last night and Seth is
now here to not miss a single second of it.
If he wouldn't have had a presentation in school today, he would've watched
this live last night, but he does care a lot more about his grades than he does
about jerking off, since the latter won't help him leave this house as soon as
possible.
He checks the lock on his door twice to make sure there's really no chance in
hell his mother or younger sister will be able to interrupt, logs himself in
and loads the website of Cyberfights while plugging in his headphones. To
complete his pre-masturbation ritual, he walks over to his windows and closes
them, as well as the sun-blinds so no one will hear him or the footage he's
about to watch.
It's not easy being a teenager with needs in this too nosy and gossiping
neighborhood.
Seth checks the top drawer of his desk and nods satisfied when he sees a full
pack of tissues ready to fulfill their destiny.
While typing in his username and password, he briefly considers lying down to
be more comfortable, but that would require moving everything to his bed and
he's already too impatient as it is.
Jon has been out of action due to a knee injury and Seth hasn't jerked off for
weeks to save all for this moment, somehow unable to enjoy the other guys
busting their asses. Even though it's childish and futile, he hopes Jon and
Leakee worked together for this one again. Special occasions and all that.
Leakee is the one partner Seth accepts seeing together with Jon, because he's
the only one that brings out another side in him. Usually Moxley's the one
dominating, but Leakee – who looks like a big, half-Samoan, half-Italian teddy
bear – manages to show the softer side of The Lunatic Fringe, as the fanbase
calls him.
Seth hates that nickname, but he's just one person. What could he possibly do
about it, right?
Unfortunately for him and every other fan out there, Jon and Leakee haven't
done anything serious together for roughly two years. They do appear in the
same segments sometimes, but they never touch each other, as if one day they
decided to hate the other.
It might seem like they do, but their eyes tell another story. Something must
have happened backstage and Seth is dying to know what it was. Mostly because
he misses the chemistry of them both.
Leakee was actually the first gay porn actor he ever saw, one day accidentally
appearing on his Tumblr dashboard, and Seth was instantly intrigued by the huge
tribal-like tattoo covering his whole right shoulder and arm. He has a thing
for inked people, already hiding his own wrist tattoo of the last piece of a
burning page with the word forever on it from his parents for then months
already.
So he researched a bit and found out that Leakee works for Cyberfights – a
company producing porn videos that revolve around the wrestling business. It's
not just guys throwing each other around in the ring in too tight trunks, it's
also showing little promos backstage, the fake business part, so to speak. Just
with a lot of guys banging each other on desks or the announcement table, even
against ladders.
He had clicked through some of Leakee’s videos – after creating an account on
his brother's name and credit card; the talk they had when the first bill
arrived will forever be the most embarrassing thing he's ever had to endure,
but after a long and heated argument Sam allowed him to keep it, as long as he
pays for it himself.
His brother is already working for a huge publishing company, earning a fortune
each month, and usually only visits on the holidays; so it's not that awkward
when they meet nowadays. Sam's also the only one who knows that Seth is gay and
even though they don't have the best relationship, his secret is safe with him.
Anyway, he then found an old episode where Leakee and Jon took it all out in
the ring, Moxley pulling off his unhinged gimmick so well that Seth was
intimidated and weirded out at first, not even able to pay attention to the
man-on-man action going on until those two were in the middle of getting each
other off and Jon did the impossible: he smiled.
It was like the sun suddenly shone brighter, colors were more intense, and
Seth's heart tried to burst through his ribcage, butterflies fluttering around
in his stomach to the point he almost felt sick. Jon smiling was the single
most beautiful and breathtaking thing he'd ever seen and he greedily wanted
more.
Sadly, Jon refused to do it around the other guys, which is why Seth got a bit
jealous – stupid, isn't it? It's not like he and the man are friends; he
doesn't even know his real name, let alone his age but here he is, thinking he
has any right to lay claim to a man who isn't even aware of his existence –,
but ultimately, he accepted that those two share a special bond and just tried
to enjoy every video he got.
He's disappointed yet also oddly relieved when he sees the description and
Leakee isn't mentioned anywhere. Jon Moxley and a guy Seth has never seen
before and whose name he forgets immediately after reading it start out next to
the ring, the scrawny youngster asking for wrestling advices.
Seth isn't really listening, still gushing over Jon in his head, admiring how
versatile he is – not only during sex, but also with his character. Moxley
mostly portrays the unstable man perfectly, going from quiet and deep to
unpredictable and chaotic in a heartbeat. He can control his partners
effortlessly, does and takes what he wants.
Part of the reason he is so obsessed with the man – other than his amazing
physique and looks – is that he's still waiting for the day someone will break
him. Despite the maybe-fallout he thinks it'll be Leakee, because the warm and
soft side of Jon shimmers through whenever they're in the same room and Seth
knows that that's not just an act for the camera.
It's all over the internet that those two are best friends and even consider
each other brothers in real life, but he's wary to believe that; with them not
working together anymore and the internet generally not being the most
trustworthy source that exists.
Secretly, Seth wishes he could be the one to hold Jon close while he comes
completely undone in his arms, but even though he keeps his eyes and ears open
every day he's never had any luck running into the other on the street.
Cyberfights has its headquarters in the city but he is too scared to just show
up there.
What should he say anyway? Hey, I jack off to your videos, hoping that one day
you'll pop my cherry and fall in love with me, so we can marry and live happily
ever after? Sounds a bit desperate, doesn't it? That and like he's a needy,
hormone-driven teenager.
No one would ever believe him that he's really interested in the person behind
Jon Moxley. Not if they hear what he's doing for a living.
So even if he meets Jon, what should he do? How explain everything? What if Jon
thinks he's just looking for a good fuck? God, how could he fall for someone he
hasn't even met yet? He sometimes kind of wishes that this isonly a phase, that
he'll get over the man and find a boy his age, someone he can build up a proper
relationship with.
But then he remembers Jon smiling like that and his brain turns into mush once
more.
No doubt, that's how his demise started when he was a naive, easily impressed
fourteen-year-old. Seth couldn't stop imagining how it'd be to have sex with a
man who does that to buy himself food and pay the rent.
He is three years older now and knows a bit better what he wants in life and he
definitely yearns to get to know Jon. Maybe he's a total ass, which would help
him get over the other in a second. He's surrounded by enough idiots in his
life already; he doesn't need a handsome jackass to ruin it even more.
Since the video has finally loaded completely, the talking is seemingly over
and everything is in its place, Seth relaxes in his chair and unzips his pants,
eyes only fixed on Jon – just like they're used to –, palming himself through
his boxers as long as Moxley is demanding a blow job for his help.
He tries not to watch or listen too closely when Jon starts fucking the guy's
mouth, too grossed out by the choking and retching sounds. Seth has always
hated that, simply because he has an aversion to vomiting. He never understood
how people get turned on by that.
Strangely enough, Jon is still talking, instead of moaning like he's supposed
to; Seth maybe should've paid some attention to the plot –, but the words elude
him. All he concentrates on is Jon's voice – smooth yet rough and dark, all in
all just very mesmerizing – and body, his spit-covered dick vanishing in the
other guy's mouth and throat, the impressive size of it outlining against the
guy's cheeks and throat.
The blow job seems to last forever, frustrating Seth to no end because he's
just not getting fully hard with all these sounds he hates more than anything
else in the world, but then Jon seems to take pity on him and orders the guy to
get on his knees, taking him doggy style while slowly starting to massage the
other's cock, pulling at the skin agonizingly slow.
It's always Mox's pace, his needs that get satisfied first – and Seth mimics
the motions, eyes half-lidded, so he can imagine Jon is standing behind him and
the hand around his dick belongs to someone older, someone with calloused hands
who whispers filthy things into his auditory canals and guides him when he's
lost.
Telling himself that his crush is giving him a hand job works wonders,
unfortunately cutting this whole experience terribly short though.
Seth comes before either guys on the screen are even close to their orgasms,
but he doesn't care. All he hears is Jon finally moaning directly into his ears
and flesh pounding against flesh while he strokes himself, his whole body
shaking, the muscles in his legs seizing up, making him spasm a bit.
He wants to close his eyes, hoping to spot those so-called stars some people
allegedly seem to be able to see, but he can't stop looking at Jon. A single
bead of sweat is running down his cheek and Seth desperately wants to lick it
off; suddenly also feeling the urgent wish to express his gratitude for the
most intense orgasm he's had in months.
Thank God for gay porn and wrestling. And Jon Moxley of course.
When Seth pushes the chair back, trying to stand up, his legs give out and he
almost falls down to the floor, barely able to steady himself with his cum-
covered hand on his expensive glass desk. He should have cleaned himself up
first. So much for being the smart kid.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     It's as if his soul saw Dean and knew right away Yup, you're the one
     and there'll never be someone like you again. You're it and I wanna
     spend the rest of my life with you. It actually hurts just to
     breathe.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for the delay, I promise I'll try to update faster in the
     future. Thanks to everyone who sent me get-well wishes <3 And now
     enjoy Seth running into Dean for the first time. Kinda =D
                         Act Two: third time's a charm
It starts raining the moment he steps out of the school building. The clouds
above him are dark and heavy, dropping their load on his head mercilessly. He's
drenched in a matter of seconds and a few of his classmates are pointing at
him, laughing about his demise but Seth won't let that get to him.
Rainy weather is his favorite thing on earth because it reminds him of his
childhood and growing up in Davenport, Iowa and how his aunt would make him hot
chocolate, so he could take it and sit in front of the fireplace, playing
around with the marshmallows and whipped cream until the beverage wasn't
scalding hot anymore.
He's seventeen, but damn, he'll never say no to the only good memory he has. He
needs something to cheer him up after a hard day anyway. And he always loves to
go to this small yet very popular coffee shop that's on his way back from
school and has, hands down, the best hot cocoa Seth has ever tasted.
It's even better than his aunt's and that says a lot.
He walks into Lita's, disappointed that neither the woman herself, nor his
friends Jeff or Matt are working today, glasses completely covered in raindrops
and starting to mist up in the too warm shop while his thoughts wander back to
the presentation he had earlier during History.
Seth doesn't think he messed up, knows he never gets any facts wrong but his
classmates snickered in the background and threw little balls of paper at him
whenever their teacher hadn't been paying attention. He has no idea why he
deserves this, what sin he committed in a past life; those guys bully him just
because he's smart, quiet and different.
Thankfully no one knows he's homosexual yet. He'd probably have to transfer to
another school then.
Seth is so immersed in his thoughts and trying to find a Kleenex to clean his
glasses that he misjudges the size of the line, accidentally bumping into the
man in front of him.
'Sorry, I wasn't paying attention,' he apologizes instantly, wiping hastily
over the glass when the guy – Seth smells a leather jacket, can make out dark
blue jeans and a black zip-hoodie as well as a dark beanie trying to hide
brownish, dirty blond hair – looks back, smiling.
And suddenly the totally cliché things Seth only knows from books, chick flicks
and cheesy fanfics happen.
Even without his glasses on his breath hitches in his throat and butterflies in
his stomach come to live as if they were struck by lightning. He knows that
smile, has fallen asleep with only the memory of it keeping him company on many
nights. This isn't real, it can't be. He's dreaming, hallucinating, and
definitely in dire need of a real boyfriend. Or a life.
A hand waves off his concern and the man turns towards the line again, leaving
Seth to stare at the back of his head, mouth open.
He wants to grab the other by the wrist and swing him around, just to make sure
this is really Jon Moxleystanding right in front of him. That all his prayers
have come true. Well, not all of them, but the most important one.
Maybe it's just his imagination playing tricks on him, so he wills himself to
calm down and clean his glasses before trying to comb his wet hair with his
fingers, only to get stuck with them in it. Of course, since nothing in his
life ever goes the way he wants it to.
He rips at the nest of hair, tearing out some of his blond patch when he
finally is able to yank his hand free. Fate's toying with him, because the
unexpected force makes him tumble forward, bumping into the foreigner's sturdy
back a second time.
'God, I'm really sorry,' he mumbles ashamed, heat rushing into his cheeks when
the man looks at him, smile still firmly in place. 'We're a bit clumsy, huh?'
Holy moly.
Now that he can see clearly, there is no mistaking it. And the voice is a dead
giveaway too. It isJon Moxley. Live and in the flesh. It is really happening.
What is he supposed to do now? He's just a dorky geek meeting the man of all
his dreams in a coffee shop, ready to sell his soul to have a nice chat with
him.
Jon seems so different in real life – calm and unimposing, almost a bit
reserved, as if he doesn't want people to know he's in the room. Seth has only
caught a glimpse of the real him but he already wants more. The other looks so
much better with his hair sticking out under the beanie, hanging into his
bright blue eyes.
Seth is totally in awe, which might not be the smartest thing he's ever done
because he's staring at Jon like a lovestruck idiot. Say something before you
ruin it completely.'Maybe I'm just drawn to you.' Where the flying fudge did
that come from?
At least it wasn't something embarrassing like you smell amazing, which is the
only thing rattling through his mind right now. He could happily drown in the
actor's scent.
Jon blinks perplexed before he snorts, turning around with an amused grin on
his flawless face, finally being next. Meeting Jon here must be a stroke of
fate because the barista will ask him for his name and if Seth is lucky, the
other will even answer truthfully.
The man orders a Peppermint Mocha and Seth pricks his ears, heart hammering in
his chest, so he won't miss what the worker will write on the red cup. He's so
eager to finally get a piece of information he can work with that he almost
clutches Jon's jacket to put his ear in front of the man's mouth.
'Dean. Oh, and one of those triple chocolate chip muffins.' 'Sure thing, sir,'
the blond barista shrugs, scribbling down the four letters that belong to the
most unspectacular but still nice sounding name he could ever imagine. It fits,
in a way.
Jon – Dean – walks to the side munching on his muffin, phone in hand, reading
something with a slight scowl on his face, and Seth wracks his brain what to do
now. He only has one or two minutes, tops, and he can't let the wrestler walk
out of his life again.
'What can I get you?' the barista interrupts his frantic thoughts and Seth is
barely able to contain himself, mouth wanting to yell the treacherous words the
number of the customer you just served. An awkward silence stretches and Seth
thinks for a hopeful second that Dean looked up from his smartphone, watching
him with that sharp gaze of his.
He suddenly feels very insecure about ordering a child's drink in front of his
Prince Charming, but it's raining cats and dogs and he's looked forward to the
sweet aroma of his beloved beverage so much. Ah, to hell with it, right? If he
can't be himself, then there's no sense in trying to charm someone with his
weird, nerdy character rather than his appearance anyway.
'Hot chocolate with double cream and mini marshmallows please.' Thankfully, he
managed to say that without stuttering. Seth doesn't want to do it, but his
curiosity gets the better of him. He has to get a glimpse of Dean.
The other isn't looking at him directly, but he can see him grin down at his
black phone, obviously amused. Too bad Seth can't tell if it's because of him
or whatever he's reading.
'And you are?' comes the forced friendly question and Seth has to shake his
head minutely to tear his gaze away from Dean. He can't stare at the man's face
while he says his own name, even if he only wants to check if the other is
interested or not. Perhaps he just thinks that this is entertaining because
Seth kind of makes a fool of himself and his crush is definitely showing.
He still clears his throat, so the man will definitely hear him. 'Seth. And
could you also give me that double-stuffed donut there?' He tends to stress eat
and Lita's self-baked pastries are his biggest weak spot. 'Whatever,' the long-
haired barista mutters, most likely questioning his choices in life or Seth's
sanity and hands him the donut wrapped in a handkerchief.
While biting into it, savoring the heady taste of nougat-cream inside and the
chocolate topping, Seth casually walks over to where Dean is waiting. He might
seem relaxed but on the inside he's close to bursting apart, since he can't
come up with anything interesting to say.
So far his brain has only provided him with boring and pretty obvious topics
like the weather or where he got that awesome jacket; or the embarrassing stuff
such as Dean's peculiar career and Seth being an avid fan. He nibbles at his
cruller, getting more anxious with each second that passes. He's so wrapped up
in his thoughts that he almost misses Dean chuckling.
Seth looks up, irritated and half-relieved that the other made the first move,
hand with the meager rest of his donut stopping in mid air. 'You got something
on your face,' Dean explains and even though it's nothing to be proud of, he
still manages to make it sound like Seth should be.
It's totally shameful that Seth can only think about how he wishes that Dean
would use a finger to wipe the dark cream off or, even better, lick it off with
his tongue. He really craves the touch of another human being.
Seth rubs over his face, a blush settling on his cheeks. God, he's embarrassing
himself way more than is good for a first impression and so far he hasn't even
exchanged a lot of words with the other. He should ask if Dean comes here often
– just to know if he should spend his days with Lita until they meet again,
completely coincidentally of course.
'Thanks,' he mumbles almost the same second the barista shouts, 'Peppermint
Mocha for Dean.' No. That was it? His one big chance to get to know his dream
man? He's never screwed up so badly. The other winks at him, licking at his
fingers after finishing his muffin and takes his coffee.
Seth listens to the heavy boots producing a deep sound that vibrates through
his ribcage, each footstep reminding him that he hasn't achieved anything yet.
It's heaven's way to punish him some more because Dean turns around at that
moment and points at his own cheek, adorable dimples making him look so much
younger and carefree.
'You missed something. All of it, to be honest. Bye, Seth.' Hearing the man say
his name out loud with a lopsided grin is as if someone wrapped him up in
cotton candy and his legs turn to jelly, but the moment he watches Dean walk
out of that door he feels like he's losing something very important, a voice
inside his head screaming words at him he can't make out.
It's as if his soul saw Dean and knew right away Yup, you're the one and
there'll never be someone like you again. You'reit and I wanna spend the rest
of my life with you. It actually hurts just to breathe.
'Hot chocolate for Seth.' Finally. He practically rips his drink out of the
poor barista's hand and throws some money on the counter, not bothering with
the change to dash right after the other in the pouring rain.
His eyes let him down once more as soon as the water hits his glasses, making
his vision kind of blurry. His hair sticks to his face in no time and his
clothes cling to his clammy skin, but all that doesn't matter as soon as he
spots Dean heading someplace to his right.
He'd recognize that walk everywhere, even with his temporarily impaired seeing.
While hurrying after the man he makes the mistake of taking an eager, large sip
and promptly burns his tongue. He should have known better – especially since
this happens to him almost every time.
Seth hisses in pain and looks down at the cup in his hands, feeling very
betrayed by his favorite drink, not thinking about Dean inevitably getting
closer the faster he runs. So it's not really surprising when he stumbles right
into his back once more, almost spilling his expensive beverage all over the
leather jacket.
Dean stops dead in his tracks and faces him, a grim expression darkening his
features until he recognizes Seth and an amused frown replaces it. 'You again,'
he says, drinking his own hot coffee without any problems. 'If I wouldn't know
it any better, I'd think you're following me.'
He could tell the truth, but he doesn't want to seem like a crazy stalker.
Besides, his tongue is pulsating unpleasantly in his mouth while his brain
frantically tries to come up with something that doesn't reveal that Dean's
right. 'Don't flatter yourself.'
Ouch. That sounded way too harsh. Well done, Seth. One way to scare away a
potential something.
Dean doesn't say anything else, just takes another sip of his drink with cocked
eyebrows before he shrugs and adjusts his beanie; apparently not at all caring
about the rain falling down on him. That's a good sign, right? It either means
that Dean loves the stormy weather as much as Seth or he is intrigued enough by
him and his clumsiness that he gladly accepts the downpour.
The slightly condemnatory glare directed at him refutes his hopeful
argumentation though. He's a moron. 'Sorry,' Seth mutters, catching up to Dean
– who has already started to walk away after checking his watch – with two long
strides, 'that was uncalled for. I just burnt my mouth and it won't stop
hurting.'
The wrestler won't slow down, but he does smile at him once more, lifting his
hand to wipe away the cream that's still stuck on his cheek. Heaven help him.
Seth can't even prepare himself for the onslaught of emotions at the fleeting
touch, but he's also not sure if he even would have wanted to.
The skin on his face starts prickling, each cell is already missing the smooth
fingers and Seth can't quite tell, but he fears he just let out an amorous
sigh. Dean looks him in the eyes before he nods, waving goodbye with two
fingers. 'Nice meeting you, Seth.'
Oh, he'll never be able to stop replaying the way the other says Seth in his
mind. He's never got goosebumps before but Dean makes him shiver by aligning
four stupid letters to an ordinary name.
It's not only making him flush like the teenager he is, it also completely
fries his brain. He can't believe the words he's blundering out next, but Seth
is also unable to stop himself from uttering foolishly, 'One's an accident,
two's a coincidence and three's a pattern.'
No, no, no, he didn't just say that. Someone please glue his lips together, so
he never lets out another laughable you're the love of my life, please just
accept it sentence.
But at least this does lead to Dean stop walking out of his life just yet. It
takes the other twenty-four seconds to show any kind of reaction but then he
finally looks back at him over his shoulder, face unreadable and suddenly the
sound of the rain is too noisy, hurting him somewhere deep inside his chest.
Seth can't even make out the chattering of the people surrounding them anymore.
'What's four?'
Huh? Did he just– oh God, he did. The realization makes him dizzy, and his
heart pumps the blood through his veins at double speed. It's so loud that he's
convinced the other can hear it too. 'I– I don't know,' he admits haltingly,
desperately trying to come up with a satisfying answer.
But his smart wits fail him miserably.
Dean hums dejected, his eyebrows making a cute little dance as if he himself
wants to think of something too. That's ridiculous though, isn't it? Why would
he be keen on Seth constantly tripping over his own feet to crash into him? Why
bother about a loved up teenager?
Still, Dean appears to be a bit crestfallen, as if Seth flunked a very
important test. He's not used to that, so he bursts out the first thing that
comes to his panicked mind. 'Fate. Four must be destiny.' Oh, for the love of–
Nothing happens for a whole eternity. It's just the rain drenching their
clothes and people rushing past them with big, colorful umbrellas, bumping into
his shoulder because he's in their way, and the two of them staring at each
other. Seth knows, can feel it in his bones that he can't, under no
circumstances, break the gaze first.
Sapphire eyes spark up for the fraction of a second before Dean turns away with
a content smile on his lips and a tiny flick of his wrist, waving goodbye. The
man disappears in the mass of people on the sidewalk before Seth even has the
chance to blink.
What on earth was that?
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Summary
     'So, how d'you pay for it?' Oh good. This he can talk about without
     disgracing himself. He mimics the smirk and confesses, 'My brother's
     credit card. Should have seen his face when he found out what exactly
     Cyberfights is.' And then something unbelievable happens. Seth
     thought Dean's earnest, reserved-only-for-Leakee-smile was a thing of
     beauty but Dean laughing out loud freezes his whole brain.
Chapter Notes
     So I'm almost done with outlining this fic and I can tell you that
     it's going to be a long one. Like, really long with a lot of ups and
     downs for Seth and Dean. Hope you're all prepared for the long ride
     =) Also, bear with Roman for now, will ya?
               Act Three: if the mountain won't come to Muhammad
It's been weeks since he ran into Dean and Seth just can't forget that chance
encounter. He's been hanging out at Lita's almost every day after school, doing
his homework at her place, praying the man would one day return. Matt and Jeff,
close friends and employees of Lita, started to call him a hopeless case
sometime around late October.
Still, they've been on the look-out for anyone that resembles Seth's vivid
description of Dean during all their shifts. Jeff is only a year older than
him, the two of them sharing the same passion for adrenalin rushes, while Matt
is already twenty-one and more levelheaded.
He's known them for years but they had no clue he liked boys until that blond
barista told them the story of how one of Lita's regulars couldn't stop gaping
and drooling when he ran into and after a costumer. Jeff pulled him to the side
as soon as Seth entered the shop the next time, asking him all kinds of curious
questions that made him realize how tired he was of hiding his true self.
So he told Jeff everything, couldn't even control himself anymore once Dean's
name slipped past his lips. His friend never once judged him, didn't grimace or
take a step back, just listened intently – with a small, knowing smile on his
lips – and clapped him on the shoulder, announcing that he and Matt would be
his personal Cupid.
He's also convinced Seth that he's in dire need of a plan B. A very good one
because it could be that Dean won't ever show up here again, that he was only
at Lita's because it was raining or he got lost.
For a very long time he prowls his own room at night, staring at a picture of
Jon Moxley as if that would help him come up with any ideas. The more he
watches that photograph, the more he starts to see Dean in a different light.
He no longer only craves him in a sexual way, he's also interested in meeting
the guy behind the mask, because he likes that person way more than his passive
aggressive gimmick.
Seth also stopped visiting Cyberfights' website. His new task is to search for
any existing backstage videos and – once he comes up with nothing – interviews
rather than actual porn.
He tried to have his little rituals, he really did, especially after he got
touched by the man with fingers that were so incredibly soft and not at all how
he imagined them, but Seth just can't endure the sight of someone else making
out with Dean. He's reached a point where he can't draw the line between
reality and fiction, Jon and Dean blurring into one person that Seth wants
entirely to himself.
It's probably unhealthy to be this obsessive, but he's never been madly in love
with an almost stranger before, so he can't really compare this situation to
any other. It's a proof that he's still young and lacks experience but he makes
up for that with determination and enthusiasm.
One thing Seth knows for sure is that he hasto meet Dean again. That's all he's
asking for. Who can tell if he'll still be head over heels for the guy once he
knows him better? Maybe he's a total jerkface and there's more Jon Moxley
inside him than meets the eye.
Question is, how can he be close to Dean to find that out?
With school and his family keeping him busy, it's not really surprising that
Jeff ends up having the sparking idea. His friend took matters in his own hands
and did some digging to find out the address of Cyberfights' headquarters in
the city.
Sitting in the cafe, looking into Jeff's green eyes lighting up mischievously,
he has a hunch where this is going. He's going to hate plan B but Seth is sure
he'll end up doing it anyway.
With the address in his possession he's one step closer to succeeding. All he
needs is a good enough reason to pop up there and be around Dean. No matter how
much they brainstorm, Seth can only think of one plausible motive and that's a
job.
But he has no clue if they're even searching for new employees at the moment –
and quite frankly, Seth has no intention whatsoever of becoming a porn star. As
much as he'd love to shock his parents with that, it would collide with his
current ambitions to become a professor.
He has set his eyes on teaching at the Institute of Advanced Study of Human
Sexuality in San Francisco, which means he also wants to graduate up there. And
for that he needs a buttload of money, so it wouldn't hurt if he did some
research in the field before he makes a huge mistake by going to college,
right?
Working in the porn business could give him some more insight, could help
determine if this is really what he wants to do for the rest of his life. So
plan B is applying for an internship, get a foot into the company to earn some
money for his studies. Sounds reasonable enough.
No guts, no glory.
The past seven days Seth has been a nervous wreck, texting Jeff like a madman
so someone will tell him what a horrendously terrible idea this is. But his
friend has only been encouraging him. What a colossal traitor.
He can't believe he's actually standing in front of Cyberfights now, clad in
his best black jeans and white longsleeve because he didn't want to wear a
suit. How weird would that look, a seventeen-year-old walking around these
halls like a wannabe businessman?
He breathes in the chilly air and takes off his beanie to stuff it into his
coat pockets, feeling the phone in his pants vibrate; the message reminds him
that he should turn it off completely until he's done making a fool of himself.
You're gonna kill it, we're sure of that. just don't forget to swing by later,
                      alrighty? lita's ready to celebrate
It puts even more pressure on him that they're so convinced he'll weasel his
way into this huge company. On the other hand, he's eternally thankful to have
friends like them in his life. People who actually give a damn – unlike his
family.
Seth doesn't write anything back, he wouldn't even know what to say other than
please pick me up, I can't do this; just shuts his phone off and builds up all
his courage to put one foot in front of the other to walk through that double
glass door into the huge, plain gray building.
The first thing catching his attention is the dark-haired, pale looking woman
sitting behind a huge white reception, watching him with hawk-like eyes. He
needs to step closer to be able to read her name tag – Paige –, but once he's
standing in front of her, she drops the ice queen facade and smiles at him,
probably thinking he has to use the toilet, that he accidentally stumbled into
the wrong house. People always assume that.
'I have an appointment with,' Seth starts and clears his throat when his voice
is all croaky and insecure, 'someone called Hunter?' He's still not sure if
this piece of information isn't a hoax, but since Paige's smile doesn't die he
might have said the right thing.
She nods, her black hair falling into her pretty face, and picks up the phone,
punching in a few numbers. Her brown eyes never leave his while they wait for
whoever to answer the call. As if the thought just occurred to her, she opens
her mouth and asks with a heavy British accent, 'And who wants to see him?'
'Seth Rollins.' Seriously, this was a phenomenally bad idea. Plan B sucks dick
so badly, it sucks dick at sucking dick. What if Dean sees him on the corridors
while he tries to find this Hunter guy? He could tell right away why Seth is
here. What was he thinking? Well, it's too late to run away now, since Paige
utters into the phone, 'Rollins is here. Can I send him up?'
She waits a few seconds, obviously listening intently to what her counterpart
has to say, gaze roaming over his body before she starts chuckling. 'A bit
young and like he's about to wet his pants, but other than that he's a real
cutie. I'll tell him you're ready.'
He can't help but get flustered, since no one in his life has ever called him
attractive and right now he doesn't even care that a woman instead of a guy
he's interested in made him a compliment, wrapped up in an insult. Beggars
can't be choosers, and boy, is he begging.
Paige hangs up and smiles at him impudently, pointing towards the elevators
behind him. 'Top floor, last door. I love saying that. You can't miss it. Good
luck and tell me how it went afterwards, okay?' she sees him off and Seth just
follows her directions without being able to answer or even think straight.
He feels like he's in some kind of haze, as if he has an out-of-body
experience. Seth can see himself push the button and the steel doors opening as
his legs carry him into the contraption. Distantly he hears music play but he's
too nervous to concentrate on it.
This is so surreal. Why is he here? Just because of a guy he watched bang other
guys for three years now? He's insane. Crush or not, this is by far the dumbest
thing he's ever done.
Still, he can't get rid of the foolish hope that he will see Dean on his way to
this Hunter. Maybe he could put in a good word for him – because witnessing
first hand how clumsy and nerdy he is blows everyone away so much that they'd
vouch for a stranger without having second thoughts.
The real reason he wants to see Dean is to remind himself why he's doing this.
Why he bends reality until it fits his stupid lies and childish reasoning. He's
here not just to pursue his possible future boyfriend but also to get a glimpse
of this whole business, to check if this line of work is something for him. If
he tells himself that often enough, he might actually believe it.
A small part of him fears that he's only trying to follow in his parents'
footsteps even though it's his life task to rebel against and spite them as
often as he can. But ultimately he has to admit he's doing the same thing. Just
instead of treating other people's sexual lives and problems, he wants to teach
sexology.
Becoming a porn actor suddenly doesn't seem such a bad option anymore.
As soon as the shiny, specular doors slide open again, he takes in the long,
bright floor that is completely deserted and awfully quiet. He feels like an
intruder just breathing the air inside the building, so he tip-toes around the
hallway while reading the signs on the doors as if any of those names ring a
bell, scared of attracting anyone's attention.
As he inches closer towards the dark brown wood, he keeps praying that Dean
will emerge from one of those chambers, but Seth has no such luck. Perhaps it's
a sign from God to not do this, to turn around and try finding someone else to
love and pursue. He's so confused that he can't even tell wrong from right
anymore. But most of all, he's surprised by himself.
He hasn't bolted yet, which means he is going to do this. Yep, he even reaches
out to knock at the door and boldly opens it when there's the friendly
invitation to come in.
Equipped with his most charming smile he steps into the room and shakes the
hand of a man with a huge nose and really short hair. Judging by his impressive
stature, he spends most of his free time in a gym. Oh crap, everyone in this
company has the body of an Adonis – even Paige had impressive biceps – and in
their very own midst they'll hopefully soon have a gangly teen trying to keep
up with the grown-ups.
He'll hate Matt and Jeff, even Lita, forever for persuading him to go through
with this. And for not forcing him to work out for years first.
It's odd, talking to the man who is in charge of this place. Seth expected a
pimp with lots of golden chains around his neck, not a guy that likes to make
jokes and is very protective of this business.
Together with his friends he has prepared half a dozen arguments just in case
he gets turned down, but astonishingly not a single one of them is needed. He
knows he's won the other over as soon as he sees Seth's stellar grades and
hears his strange yet thankfully comprehensible reasons for being here.
This whole study of human sexuality thing makes Hunter grin and nod his head
contently. It all goes very well until the one question Seth really hates to
hear is being asked. 'Are you related to Steven and Sara Rollins?' He sighs
defeated, ducking his head for the first time in this conversation.
There they are again. No matter where he goes or what he does, they and their
reputation always catch up to him; he'll never be able to step out of their
shadow. Sometimes Seth just wants to burn all samples of their published books,
change his name and start a new life somewhere nobody has ever heard of his
parents.
'Is it bad when I say I wish I wouldn't be?' Hunter's expression turns
quizzical for a moment, but then he shakes his head, stating, 'With your wish
to teach what they preach, I just took a wild guess. No shame in disapproving
with your family though. So, if you're not here to appease them, why did you
end up at our doorstep?'
Seth meets the man's gaze and quickly goes over the options he has now. He
could repeat all the cop-outs about wanting to gain some experience before he
realizes he made a big mistake by going to San Francisco. Or he could just be
honest, since he doesn't want to start this whole business relationship based
on a lie and Hunter seems trustworthy.
The words tumble out of his mouth before he gets a chance to properly decide
what to do. 'I ran into one of your wrestlers in the city quite some time ago.
I've been thinking about meeting him and coming here ever since.' Hunter hums
thoughtfully and looks out of the window with a vacant stare. His voice is
tender and quiet when he addresses Seth again. 'To charm that man?'
Seriously? Does he have the word gay written all over his forehead? How can
everyone always tell as soon as he mentions his encounter with Dean? Since he
chose to be sincere, Seth winces before he mumbles bashfully, 'That too.'
Surprisingly, he doesn't get thrown out of the room immediately. Actually,
nothing out of the ordinary happens after his confession. Hunter keeps staring
at something in the cloud-covered sky while Seth tries to rule in his frantic
heartbeat. A whole eternity later there's a stern, 'Will this be a problem?'
How should he know? He's not a fortune teller. But if Hunter wants to hear if
Seth knows when to back down, when to ignore his own needs for the greater
good, then he can swear that this won't ruin anything. Seth can be professional
too. 'No, Sir,' he promises. 'That's not what I had in mind.'
'Good, because we don't want any trouble. Since you knew who he was and where
to find him, I think it's safe to assume you're a member. Even though you're
pretty young,' Hunter says a bit reprimanding, as if he can understand why Seth
circumvented the law, but the father in him is reluctant to condone this
behavior.
'I am. For over three years already.' 'Sneaky,' Hunter grins, glancing at his
age on his résumé, 'I like that attitude.' This man is a lot more understanding
towards Seth's needs than his brother Sam. Who bawled him out, made him feel
worthless just because he likes men and chose to enjoy a different kind of
pornography. To each his own, isn't that right?
Silence stretches between them and Seth watches Hunter read over his documents
again, as if there's something new in the pathetically short text passages that
summon up his life and desire to work here.
'Alright,' the man suddenly bursts out, the sound so unexpected that Seth
flinches in his seat. 'Do you have any ambitions to get in the ring too?' Like,
having sex in front of the camera or do some actual wrestling? Cause he
wouldn't say no to the latter. He wouldn't turn down an offer for the the first
thing from Dean either.
'I'd appreciate to be able to learn some moves myself. If I get the chance to.'
Another quiet hum that intimidates Seth a tiny bit. He's not sure if he says
the right things, if he's giving Hunter the answers he wants to hear. Right
now, he could risk his neck with all this careless talk, no matter how true it
is.
And then the man stands up to sit on the corner of his desk, scrutinizing Seth
with fierce eyes, making him squirm a little. 'You got your chance, Seth. Not
because you're obviously smart or your famous parents or even your face-saver
about gathering first-hand experience.'
Shit, he saw through all that? Seth maybe isn't as good a liar as he thought
he'd be. Then why does Hunter give him the job? A teenage boy that uses his
product to masturbate at home? 'It's because you showed a lot of respect and
called my man a wrestler, saw him as a human being instead of reducing him to a
simple porn actor. I'd like to watch you grow and fight, so welcome on board.'
They shake hands and Seth gets a fatherly clap on the shoulder that's followed
by another question. 'I'm curious, which one was it?'
Which one was what? Oh, he means who Seth met? Well, this is his chance to
verify once and for all if the other used his real name at Lita's. 'Dean.'
Hunter's eyebrows shoot up at the pure mention of him but ultimately he just
smiles softly, shaking his head as if he can't fathom how his co-worker charmed
yet another person.
No, God, no. He feared Dean would turn out to be a real Casanova.
They both get up, walking towards the door, so Hunter can find someone to show
Seth around, all the while bombarding him with information he's barely able to
apprehend; his mind so overjoyed that the man he got used to associate with the
name Dean was being honest in the coffee shop.
For some reason this gives him hope and a real boost of confidence. It doesn't
even matter that Hunter breaks the news to him that he's not in need of an
intern per se, but he wants to give Seth a chance to loosen up, help him find
out if he got the right job in mind or if he'd rather stay in the company,
maybe even start to wrestle himself. Seth wagers the man is also interested to
see if he can win over Dean's heart. knowing his luck, there'll also be a
betting pool.
Hunter warns Seth though that in the beginning he'll most likely have to do
everything, from getting the guys in the gym some fresh towels to helping the
script writers in any way. In return he promises Seth will one day be present
during shootings, as well as witness the post-production process later on.
Like everybody else, he has to climb the ladder of success. And if he starts to
like how things work around here, he's more than welcome to stay. They can
always need a good soul and helping hand or a new actor, if Seth feels up to it
as soon as he's old enough.
They're walking down the aisle, Hunter showing him a part of this floor he
completely missed out on a mere hour ago, when Seth runs into none other than a
very handsome looking, sweatpants and tank top wearing Dean who rounds the
corner with a tall, very familiar looking guy in tow.
So he just got a non-internship, a maybe-job offer and God even answered his
prayers to meet Dean in these halls. Happiest day of his life. It doesn't even
matter that Leakee is right next to him – they both look pretty chill, their
elbows touching now and then which gives him the confirmation that they only
stopped interacting with each other in front of the camera while they continue
to be good friends in real life. Interesting. He'll play Sherlock to solve this
mystery.
'You're not supposed to be up here,' Hunter chides Dean, voice clearly showing
he's done so more times in his life than he can count. 'And yet I continue to
be,' his crush counters cheekily, nodding towards Seth with a wolfish grin. 'If
it isn't our very own blunderbuss Seth. Here to join us?' He frigging knew it.
Hunter rolls his eyes and places a protective hand on his shoulder, reminding
his employee that he's strictly against underage kids appearing on the shows as
main characters. Wait, so he would totally get away with playing a minor role
in the background? Good to know.
'He's our new and only intern. No salary yet though. Kid's gotta prove himself
first, since he's the one wanting something from me,' their boss says, not
diving deeper into the matter even though Leakee presses on, eager to know what
he means. Instead he explains that Seth will be their chief cook and bottle
washer, so they can show him the building or give him a task, if he's ready to
start his journey right now.
Dean's friend seems to be more than discontent with Seth being around, even
though he doesn't even know him yet. He can already feel that he's being judged
by the man without getting the chance to show his true self. There's more to
him than the two-toned hair – which is sadly the most interesting part of his
appearance – and the thick-rimmed glasses.
'Seth?' Leakee asks no one in particular before he turns to Dean and squints
his eyes as soon as the other nods with a smirk on his face. The heck is going
on? 'We don't need no horny kids popping boners left and right,' the man speaks
on, sizing him up with a disgusted look.
Okay, what is wrong with this guy? He's acting as if Seth is a nuisance, an
intruder, as if he can't be trusted just because he's, well, alive. This is
such a disappointment; Leakee seemed to be so cool and decent in all the videos
he's ever seen. Seth never would've guessed he's such a douche.
'I'm not,' he instantly opens his mouth to defend himself because he'll be
damned if he lets Leakee walk all over him, but he gets interrupted before he
can even get into his stride. The Samoan holds up a hand and snarls, 'I can
practically smell your arousal. It's plain obvious you got the hots for Dean.'
For the love of everything that is holy. Really? Really? He had to go there in
front of Hunter and Dean? Seth rigorously fights the urge to look down and
check if he indeed has an erection, forced to trust his instincts that he
didn't embarrass himself. Hunter tousles his hair and winks, whispering into
his ear, 'It'll be okay, don't worry. Come to me if he continues being an ass.'
And with that the man is gone, his office door clicking shut behind him. Dean
steps in front of Leakee, pushing him a bit to the side with a hand on his
chest. 'Come on, cut him some slack.' Oh no, Seth doesn't want anyone to fight
his wars for him. 'I'm here to work,' he states matter-of-factly, now wanting
to show everyone that he came here for Dean but stayed because he likes what
he's doing. Whatever that turns out to be.
Winning Dean over just dropped to the second place on his priority list.
Proving Leakee wrong is much more important. But this project could take a
while, since Grumpy Bear remembered that he can't do anything about Seth being
around but that he still can be as nasty as possible.
'Then bring me some coffee,' the man orders, staring at him as if he wants Seth
to deny him this wish, to disobey so he'll have a reason to go to the boss and
get rid of him. Oh no, two can play that game. He won't let Leakee make a fool
of him in front of Dean.
His crush sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, throwing an apologetic glance
at Seth but he has no time to appreciate it. Leakee lit a fire inside of him
and it won't burn out until the man respects him. So he steps forward and gets
into his personal space, hissing back, 'No, I will. I'd do anything to prove to
Mr On Sundays I actually try to be nice but imagine that, I always fail that
I'm not here to get into your pants.'
Leakee has the impudence to laugh, the sound telling Seth that he knows he's
not saying the whole truth – he's probably seen and met enough people who just
want to get into their pants, but he'll learn to never tar him with the same
brush as all the other guys. He'll take this not-job very serious, would've
done so anyway, but now he has an even better reason.
'Alright, smartass, you got one chance.' As if he didn't just insult him,
Leakee walks away, leaving Seth fuming. He has the distinct feeling that most
of their conversations will end with the other pulling this crap, just so he'll
have the last word.
Seth should spit in his coffee. He won't because he is a decent human being but
potentially he could. The thought alone makes him feel a lot better.
Dean watches his best friend disappear in the stairway, stomping down as
vigorously as he can. 'He's gonna make your life a living hell.' It surprises
him that there's a hint of exasperation in Dean's voice and Seth can see that
he's trying to apologize for Leakee's behavior.
What did he do to the man to deserve this? 'Why?' he asks, following the
wrestler when he points towards the door his angry friend just vanished behind.
'He seems so nice in all the videos.' Oh, crap. He didn't just– so much for
being a genius.
Dean thankfully doesn't comment on this and guides him to the third floor, the
bright colors blinding him for a moment. This hall is so different from the one
he's just been in. The walls are painted in an unobtrusive yellow while the
doors shine in a bright green and there is even some muffled talking going on
behind closed doors.
'His office is the one on the left but you can usually find him downstairs in
the performance center or the conference room on the second floor,' Dean lets
him in on this little secret before he grins – his expression shoving very
clearly that he always knew Seth was a fan – and comes closer; his scent once
again rendering Seth's brain-to-mouth filter useless.
'Just so you know, I don't really watch any videos even though I'm a member.
Especially not with him and definitely not with you. I'm only interested in the
wrestling. Not that he or you aren't desirable or that I haven't,' Seth keeps
on blabbing until Dean wisely closes the distance between them and successfully
shuts him up before he gets himself into more trouble.
'So, how d'you pay for it?' Oh good. This he can talk about without disgracing
himself. He mimics the smirk and confesses, 'My brother's credit card. Should
have seen his face when he found out what exactly Cyberfights is.' And then
something unbelievable happens. Seth thought Dean's earnest, reserved-only-for-
Leakee-smile was a thing of beauty but Dean laughing out loud freezes his whole
brain.
He's never felt so at ease than in this moment. All the hardships he's had to
endure in his life have been worth it because they led him here, so he could
witness this.
Tell him, his mind slowly comes back to life, a thin voice warning him to be
professional and he knows it's better to follow the advice. He applied to
Cyberfights to get closer to Dean, yet now that he's here, Seth wants to make
the most of this almost-internship. After all, it's also about his future.
'But I didn't come to–' 'It's okay, Seth,' Dean snickers, making him feel so
much better about this whole thing. His crush for him included. 'I don't mind.
Listen, I'd love to show you around but I got things to do. Maybe next time?
Guess I'll see you around, hot stuff.'
Seth blushes furiously and frowns at the sudden exit, barely able to call after
Dean before the man vanishes two flights of stairs below him. 'W-wait. What am
I supposed to do now?' Maybe Paige can tell. She seemed keen on helping him
out. Or teasing him, but at the moment he doesn't mind either way.
A chuckle echoes through the staircase, Dean's amused voice calming him down
immediately. 'How should I know? I'm only here for the pounding and unloading.'
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     'Usually people don't really stay here for long. They come and go,
     and it's hardly worth the effort to learn their names. Most of them
     are assholes anyway. But you should get to know everyone in here,
     cause they tend to stick around, which sadly doesn't mean they're
     automatically good guys.'
Chapter Notes
     Thanks to everyone who's giving this fic a chance. I see you and I
     appreciate each and every one of you <3
                          Act Four: keep your hair on
'I don't know what his problem is,' Seth groans, voice muffled since his face
is resting on the table that Lita just cleaned for him before she moved on to
do the rest. Matt is currently working behind the counter, though he actually
just stands there, wiping some stains off the machines because for now there's
no other paying customer around.
Jeff sits next to him, legs resting on a third chair, a hand clapping him
encouragingly on the back. He should be on his way already, delivering Leakee
his coffee – and he really has to fight the urge to ask everyone to spit or
pour acid into it – but he couldn't help himself. As soon as he barged into the
shop, he realized that he needed a shoulder to cry on. Or three, in his case.
'I mean, I haven't done anything to upset him.' And believe him, he went over
every little, seemingly unimportant interaction he had with the man so many
times that he can recite them in his sleep. He just doesn't understand the
blatant hatred the other feels for him.
'Other than living, apparently,' Matt murmurs loud enough for everyone to hear
and Seth looks up to see Lita's mouth fall open. 'Matt,' she reprimands her
boyfriend before she abandons her work and walks up to Seth. He watches those
red lips move, still completely in awe of the woman's beauty, and listens to
her words of wisdom. 'Sunshine, not everyone can or will like you.'
That's not his problem with Leakee. It's as if the man saw him and instantly
decided Oh, fuck no. Noooo, I'll despise this kid for the rest of my life
because I can. Insert evil laughter. Seth didn't even have a chance to show how
sociable, helpful, resourceful and nice he is.
'I know,' he whines, sucking at the straw of his lemon flavored ice tea, 'but
he's being extra mean, especially when Dean is around.' He's thought about the
reason for that, but he really isn't ready to accept the solutions he came up
with. Jeff snatches his drink and takes a sip himself, frowning slightly while
saying, 'Sounds like a professional cockblocker.'
It does, doesn't it? Which is exactly why Seth avoids thinking too thoroughly
about this. Best friends, his virgin butt.
'Not really,' he muses, rubbing over his eyes tiredly. This whole school, work,
Leakee bullshit and homework at night thing is taking its toll on his sleeping
schedule. Thank God Seth is so quick-witted or else he'd have to quit his fake
internship. If only that Samoan hothead wouldn't make his life unnecessarily
hard – just like Dean warned him.
'Usually Dean's either already gone, working out in the gym or the performance
center when I show up at Cyberfights. I've seen him like three times maybe and
we've never been alone.' Not much to cockblock there.
Matt holds up a cherry streusel with a questioning glance directed at Lita and
she nods, smiling warmly, her ruby red hair shimmering brightly in the sunlight
shining through the windows. No matter what she does, it always looks so
graceful, it's unbelievable. Seth really adores her a lot; not just because
she's like a big sister to him.
Jeff's older brother bites into the pastry with a delighted hum while his
friend tips against his chin, squinting his eyes. 'Maybe he's jealous. Perhaps
they're not just friends but friends with benefits and Dean simply enjoys a
good flirt.' That's exactly what Seth does notwant to think about.
He just can't waste his best years to someone who loves playing games because
he's as sexy and carefree as they come. Seth yearns for something serious and
he'll drop Dean immediately if the man is toying with him.
Lita tucks a stray strand of the brown patch behind his ear and smiles fondly
at him. 'Don't give up yet. You'll eventually win this Leakee over too.'
Hopefully she's right. He can't stand it when people don't like him; someone
who treats him like shit is no exception. Which is also why he still tries to
be friends with the bullies at school.
Jeff gets up too, handing Seth the coffee he was supposed to buy and walks him
to the door to whisper in his ear, 'Remember why you're doing this. It's not
simply about true love. That's just the icing on the cake.' Funny how he always
starts something in his life because of one particular reason and then ends up
doing it for a completely different one.
In the end he doesn't alter the drink and carries it back to Cyberfights and a
grouchy Leakee who rips the beverage out of his hand and asks why it took him
so long with a heavy heart. Seth breathes through his nose and forces his lips
to grin apologetically. He can barely bite back a snarky remark, praying to
some deity that he won't say anything stupid.
'Is there something else you want me to do?' So far so good. Nothing that could
cost him his head. Leakee stares down at him with hard eyes and it's the first
time Seth realizes that the man wears contacts in all the videos. Which is a
real shame since Seth firmly believes that brown eyes are awesome and deserve
more recognition. No need for those green-blue-grayish contacts he uses, but he
knows better than to dare and say anything.
The man sighs, scans the heavily loaded desk he's sitting behind and points at
a massive pile of files, muttering exhaustedly, 'Copy them and give the guys
their revised production schedule. And please do me a favor afterwards.' Oh
wow, he even got the magic word. Must be important then. 'Sure, anything you
want,' he assures eagerly, taking the files one by one to balance them on his
left arm.
'Get out of my sight for the rest of the day. Thanks.' It's like he ran over
Leakee's dog or accidentally peed on something in his territory. No matter what
he does, it's never good enough for Mr Almighty here. But he needs to stay
calm; he won't ever win over the man's heart by trying to throttle him with his
own flawless mane.
'Sure thing, boss,' he replies politely and retreats. Once he's outside and
certain Leakee can't see him through the glass walls of his office anymore Seth
closes his eyes and bites on his bottom lip, flipping the man off with his free
hand while counting to twenty in his head. 'Karma's gonna eat your face.'
'I hope not. It's a damn pretty one. And he doesn't mean it like that,' a
gentle voice interrupts his vengeful thoughts and Seth flinches so badly that
he almost drops the files. It takes him a few moments to stop gushing over
Dean's good looks – he lets his hair grow a bit longer these days and Seth
desperately wants to run his fingers through it – and understand what the other
is talking about.
What is he even doing here at a time like this? Shouldn't he be at home,
lifting weights or improve his in-ring skills? Not that Seth thinks he couldn't
already make a living with only wrestling, but his contract forces him to train
five times a week. Oh, what the heck. As if he wouldn't be more than relieved
that the man is with him right now. Who cares about the why?
'Don't make me believe he actually has a heart,' Seth tries to joke but winces
when he realizes how butthurt he sounds. Dean doesn't laugh either, just looks
down the long corridor before he makes sure they're alone. As if that isn't
good enough, he also bends down to him and Seth can feel his warm breath tickle
his neck. Maybe this day won't be so bad after all. He could use a break.
'Don't tell him I said this but he has a lot of stress, privately, and work
doesn't make it any better. You know he's the head of Creative, right?' That's
interesting to know; he really had no idea. It's not like that Samoan crank
does any chit-chat with him. Seth just shakes his head and inches closer, eager
to inhale in Dean's mesmerizing scent some more.
'He owns a third of the company, so there's a lot of pressure on him. We're not
doing so good these days. Don't worry, it's not like we'll go broke any time
soon. But the numbers are slowly dropping and Roman thinks it's partly his
fault.' Uh-huh. Er, wait, what?
Seth blinks owlishly and pushes his glasses back, asking irritated, 'Who's
Roman?' When did they stop talking about Leakee? To be frank, he didn't listen
to every word Dean just said, his mind too preoccupied with taking in every
little detail of that perfect face – especially the fluffy hair that easily
falls into his eyes. And he's never heard the name before, so of course he's
momentarily confused.
Dean huffs disbelieving, before he lays a finger on his very kissable lips,
urging him in a hushed tone to keep it down. 'Ro, you know, the guy who only
orders you around, who makes you get his coffee just to tell you you brought
the wrong one and to pull a Houdini as often as possible. Roman Reigns. Don't
tell me you only know us by our gimmicks.'
Well okay, he won't say it then. 'How was I supposed to find out?' he whispers
defensively, body following Dean instinctively when the other steps back. 'I
only know your first name too. And that's just because I stumbled over you in a
coffee shop, eavesdropping on your every word to hear what you'd say.'
There, he's finally said it. He feels a hundred pounds lighter and so much
better now, even if it does imply heavily that he only lusts after Dean, just
like Roman – of course he had to have the same name as a mothereffing Empire –
thought.
'Ambrose,' his co-worker says casually and points towards the elevator, so Seth
will tag along. 'Huh?' he asks back, scrambling after the man, curious where he
will lead him to. 'Dean Ambrose,' the other repeats and Seth finally gets it.
How dumb can one person be?
He holds out his hand, balancing the pile of paperwork he still has to take
care of with his other one, heartbeat increasing when Dean takes it. He
seriously never would have thought that his skin would be so soft, but he has
to admit that he likes it. A lot.
It only feels right to introduce himself too. 'Seth Rollins.' There's a playful
smile on the other's face and Seth can see that he's trying very hard not to
say something. Or start laughing out loud. 'What?' he wants to know against his
better knowledge and Dean just shakes his head, debating internally for the
fraction of a second if he should keep quiet or share whatever's going through
his mind.
Eventually he settles for the latter. 'Everyone knows your name, hot stuff.'
What, why? Oh God, he is only working here for two weeks and he already made a
name for himself? What did he do? Or is Roman going around, making fun of him
in front of the others? He almost lets go of the files – the blood pumping
through his veins running cold – and wishes for the ground to open up and
swallow him whole.
It doesn't even exhilarate him that Dean has apparently chosen to give him this
particular nickname and that says a lot. He doesn't function properly when he's
in panic mode.
Whatever the people here think of him, it'll haunt him for the rest of his
life. He knows better than anyone what that feels like, since it's been
happening to him ever since he stepped foot into high school. Seth foolishly
thought back then that everything would change and he somehow still believes
that working at Cyberfights can be a fresh start for him too. He doesn't want
to leave this place – not before he showed everyone he's not hormone-driven and
he got to know Dean better.
The cheeky smile on the other's lips vanishes and worry flashes over his face
while two strong hands steady him by the shoulders in the moving lift. Seth can
hear the telltale sounds of the electric motor hoisting them up on dinky
cables, can feel the slight pressure in his stomach as it carries them
upstairs.
He's never liked these tiny closed spaces that could stop dead at any second.
Seth really can't understand why he still watched the damn horror movie with
the elevator from hell last weekend when he's afraid of stepping into them.
Facing his fears one at a time, that's what his child psychiatrist had said in
his very last session ten years ago.
Getting stuck in here with none other than Dean though definitely wouldn't be
the end of the world.
'Hey, you alright?' Seth nods only to shake his head a bit disoriented. He
really doesn't want to be the guy that is known for pining for Dean, jerking
off to the guy's videos like a horny teenager, as Roman so nicely put it.
'Why do they know my name?' he squeezes out, barely able to breathe as his
lungs turn to ice and images of men laughing behind his back about his
immaturity and foolish love for Dean flicker through his mind. He needs to
quit. Like right now. He can still find another job in another city, no, on
another continent.
Yeah, that sounds like a solid plan. He's heard Spain is very nice and he's
always wanted to go to Europe anyway.
'Seth, calm down. It's cause you wear a name badge,' Dean answers the exact
same moment a ping announces their arrival on the top floor. This time, Seth
does let the files fall to the ground, too dumbstruck by his own stupidity.
He's the one who puts on that darn badge in front of Paige, Emma or Summer Rae
every time he comes to work, so people don't call him boy, kidor hey... hey you
thereany longer – like they did the first few days.
How could he forget?
Being this close to Dean isn't good for him. His intelligence has always been
his best and only asset and the other is able to render it useless with a
single word, a tiny touch or his flawless smile that lights up the whole room.
'Oh,' he laughs nervously, hoping to somehow cover up this particular blunder.
'Foot-in-mouth disease.' Dean bends down to gather the sheets of paper that are
scattered all over the ground, snickering, 'I can see that. You should really
stop worrying so much what people here think of you.'
He sounds disappointed. Why would he sound disappointed? That's ridiculous.
Besides, he's one to talk. Dean is handsome, has a job that is more fun than
work, knows what he wants and how to get it. Seth on the other hand is like a
ghost. No one ever sees him until they want something from him; and if he
refuses to give it to them, he usually ends up with a black eye. At least they
take off his glasses first before punching him in the face.
Once some of the jocks stole his clothes after PE, leaving only his socks for
him to wear. That was by far the worst day of his life, since he had to run
around naked in school until he made it to the secretary's office, asking her
with as much dignity as he had left to please inform his little sister, so she
could go home and get him some stuff to wear and if he could wait here until
she'd be back.
Yeah, Seth's life is amazing and he totally wouldn't like to trade with
anybody. Nah.
'People don't throw you into lockers or make fun of you just because of who you
are, do they?' It just slips past his lips without Seth giving it the order to,
but he can't take it back anymore, so he might as well hold his head as high as
he can and meet Dean's – surprisingly not sympathetic – gaze.
'No, I'd make them regret every word if they did. But you're a good person, a
bit dorky and way too insecure for someone so smart,' Dean starts but he's
already lost Seth even though he keeps on talking, probably complimenting him
some more. Hopefully he's not giving him an important lesson in life; Seth'd
hate asking for the other to repeat himself because he can't stop staring at
him, trying to find out why he's so damn nice to him.
Dean Ambrose is so much more interesting and multifaceted than Jon Moxley;
mostly because he's such a huge riddle to Seth and he'd love nothing more than
to solve it.
He doesn't even realize he's rooted to the spot until Dean shoves the files at
his chest with raised eyebrows, waiting for him to follow his lead. Seth wills
his legs to move, mind still reeling because of the other telling him he's a
great and intelligent person. This internship was the best worst idea he's ever
had.
'You want me to pick you up from school one day, talk with those guys?' Dean
offers matter-of-factly, holding open a door for him that leads to a small room
filled with a blue desk that's barely visible under the mountains of papers and
several black storage cabinets. It's the messiest office Seth has ever seen,
but he has to admit that it has a certain charm to it.
Since he's not answering Dean's question – honestly, he has no idea what to
say; his mind screaming at him yes and no at the same time – the other shrugs
and walks over to a cabinet, checking the labels on the drawers before he pulls
one out and hands Seth a thick file.
'Usually people don't really stay here for long. They come and go, and it's
hardly worth the effort to learn their names. Most of them are assholes anyway.
But you should get to know everyone in here, cause they tend to stick around,
which sadly doesn't mean they're automatically good guys.'
Seth opens the brown file, skimming over the first page before it hits him.
Dean just gave him access to all personnel records – including his own –, so
he'll not only be familiar with people's names but also some of their back
story. He helped him not to drop yet another brick in front of someone who
might not be so chill about it. Like Roman.
Seth can't wait for the day the other trips over something, so he can get some
revenge and yell, 'The Empire has fallen.' For some reason he is convinced that
Dean would be the one person in the room that'd laugh the loudest.
'Thank you,' he beams, stuffing the file under the papers he's already holding
while making a mental note to put it into his backpack and read it after he's
done with homework tonight. Dean looks around the room – Seth only realizes now
that it has no windows, which makes it a very convenient place to make out;
judging by the mess in here, some people frequently do – and sighs.
'By the way, Ro wants you to clean this all up. I tried to talk him out of it,
but since it's your new task I failed. Sorry.' No need to apologize. This is
something he doesn't even mind doing. Seth likes going through the history of
things, organizing it and throwing away old stuff no one needs anymore.
And he'd be on his own for a while, having time to actually listen to himself
think again, analyze what has happened between the two of them so far and why
Dean makes him lose his mind. The good kind, of course.
'I'll gladly do it. Guess there's a lot of interesting stuff in here; a lot to
learn about everyone. You have no idea how much a few lines and dates can tell
you about someone,' he murmurs, smiling hesitantly when Dean huffs out a fond
laugh. 'Where were you when I was in high school?' Seth whips his head around,
frowning at the other without really wanting to. What's that supposed to mean?
Did he say that to tell Seth that he too would have made fun of him in school
or is this Dean confessing that he would've liked to have a friend like him?
And why does all of this make him impossibly sad, because it's all in the past
and Seth feels like they can't be this close now, no matter how hard he tries?
He opens his mouth without having a single clue what to answer – though there
are two words lingering on his tongue, tentatively waiting if Seth will set
them free or not. He could say elementary school, but he somehow doesn't
believe Dean wants to hear that.
'I bet you'd've been able to get me interested in the most boring shit,' Dean
thankfully explains his former statement, clapping Seth gently on the cheek
before he leaves him standing in the small office.
He's not quite sure what demon possesses him but he sticks his head out of the
room and whistles, causing Dean to turn around. Wow, he's never before realized
how relaxed the other seems to be all the time; like he never feels out of
place or insecure. He supposes Dean doesn't need to think twice about something
he said or decided and just rolls with the flow. Seth really envies that
attitude.
'What would you do to them if I said yes?' Dean runs a hand through his hair,
unruly curled locks falling into his crystal clear blue eyes. 'Nothing, if
that's what you want. But I could play your protective, doting, very unhappy
boyfriend. Offer stands, kiddo.'
The other strolls towards the elevators as if he didn't just make Seth's head
spin and heart skip a beat. This is a dream, isn't it? He hit his head on the
corner of his desk when he slipped all these weeks ago after masturbating and
hurt himself pretty badly. He's probably lying in the hospital, in a coma,
because there's no way the real Jon Moxley would make it this easy for him.
Actually, there's no chance in hell he'd randomly meet the man at Lita's and be
bold enough to ask for a job at an adult movie slash wrestling company. Life
has never been so kind to him. Why should it start now?
As soon as he'll say yes, he'll wake up. He always does when it gets juicy.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Summary
     Maybe he should google how to charm another person. Someone out there
     must know how to properly do that. He should remember to search for
     people who have bewitched older men too. Just to gather all the
     information.
     Jeez, he needs the internet to make someone fall in love with him.
     How pathetic.
               Act Five: even the tiniest drop can cause ripples
A whole month has passed since Seth started to work for the company and so far
he really only has been the odd-job man. It's not a big surprise, but he's
still slightly disappointed that no one seems to take him serious. Well, that's
not entirely true.
Dean has never once bossed him around and the few times he met Hunter in the
halls he got an encouraging smile and a clap on the shoulder. Paige, Emma and
Summer Rae – the other front desk ladies – also refuse to make fun of him. At
least he hopes they don't do it behind his back instead.
So there area few nice people with actual manners working in this building but
most of the guys treat him like an ulcer, as if he's a troublesome foreign
object. It's different from all the jerks in school that push him against the
walls or break his glasses on purpose, but it hurts the same. He really hates
humans.
To escape everyone he gladly retreated into that tiny office to clean it up.
His earlier assumption that he'd love doing this changed as soon as he realized
how tedious this work turned out to be. Seth needed an entire week to complete
this particular task, sometimes sitting there long after closing hours – the
lightbulb casting its harsh, artificial light on him –, despairing and hoping
for a paper cut to kill him.
Getting order into that mess was the most bothersome thing he's ever had to do,
because there'd been so much garbage in there. Countless files of employees
that haven't been working for Cyberfights for years; documents, contracts,
reports, even bills and manuals no one needed anymore were gathering dust in
this room.
To this day, it's still a miracle to Seth how Dean could find the personnel
records at the first try, especially because the labels on the cabinets are
faded out and deceptive.
Speaking of, he was utterly devastated when he finally got to the wrestler's
file because there was nothing of interest in it. No tidbits of information
that would help him charm the man. Seth is not sure what he expected but it was
definitely more than that.
So now he knows that the other turned twenty-four a few days ago – which means
he started with the porn stuff at the tender age of nineteen; making him one of
the youngest employees Cyberfights had in almost a decade – but other than
that, the file was pretty nondescript.
There's just no way to win someone over with a social security number, a few
drug tests – failed and passed –, medical examination reports or a small
criminal record. Dean likes to drives faster than he should and it doesn't seem
like he'll learn anytime soon to change that behavior.
He is apparently from Cincinnati, Ohio, and got scouted right off the street by
none other than Roman himself. At least Seth now thinks he understands how
those two got together and why Roman is so taken to his friend.
Other than that, there was nothing in it, aside from stuff Seth doesn't give a
damn about. But he didn't get that information to stalk his co-worker – though
he still copied every single sheet of paper about the man to store it at home
in his top drawer –, so he busied himself with learning all the details about
each person working for Cyberfights at the moment.
When he met Dean the next time after he gave him the files – which was two days
later right at the end of a shooting, the other's chest still covered with God
knows whose spunk, a white towel around his waist – he made sure to call
everyone by their real names, breathing relieved when Dean winked at him on his
way to the shower.
Life's been a lot better since then.
Working here is really satisfying and makes him smile goofily the whole time.
Seth can't say the same for school and home though. He's told his parents he
got an internship at an architect's office when they started to ask questions
where he disappeared to and why he left earlier for school each morning just to
come home after dark in the evening.
Lying to them has always been easy since they don't pay attention to him
anyway, so he made up this whole story, told them he gets to be in the office
for meetings, acting as some kind of junior secretary – which is not that much
of a lie, now that he thinks about it. They swallowed the whole crap without
questioning it.
His dad Steven had said he appreciated that he decided to climb the ladder of
success with hard work while his mom Sara just wondered why he suddenly claimed
to be interested in architecture when he already promised to follow in their
footsteps.
He never said he was a hundred percent content with the path he has chosen, so
he explained that he was simply spreading his wings before he'd come to the
inevitable conclusion that their line of work is also his calling.
His little sister Sophie rolled her eyes at him and he's still not sure if she
knew he was talking nonsense or if she was just bored by his lame choice. He
can't really tell with her; they never quite managed to bond, but it doesn't
seem like she's very keen on doing so. He won't force anyone to like him. Well,
anyone but Dean. And Roman.
So far, no one – aside from his best friends – knows the truth about his
internship, not even his brother, and Seth isn't in a hurry to fill someone in.
He doubts his parents would allow him to work for a porn company, no matter how
much wrestling is involved or how many times he assures them that he isn't
allowed to appear on camera. At least not as a protagonist.
But he'll face one problem at a time and right now he's busy working out the
duty rosters for the actors and the cleaning staff, when he sees that Dean
isn't on the list for next month's shootings. Or scheduled to improve at the
performance center.
What a nice excuse to head downstairs and speak with the man himself, asking if
this is a mistake. A whole month without Dean? Seth is not sure he'd survive
that. Who will smile at him whenever Roman has had enough and sends him away to
do some puny task because he has no clue what to do with Seth? And how is he
supposed to woo someone who isn't even there?
He searches for Dean in the gym, because shooting hours are already over and he
expects the other to be in the middle of his last workout for the week, like
usually, whenever he's not standing in front of a camera or honing his skills
with Cyberfights' very own retired professional wrestlers Jimmy and Marek, but
there's not a single trace of him there.
It's not yet time for his lunch break, so the last place Seth can check is his
locker room. He should have thought about that option before he walked around
the whole building. Always look for people in their offices and designated
rooms first. Only God knows why he can't remember that simple rule.
'Come in,' he hears the muffled yell through the closed door and enters the
room Dean usually shares with two other guys – but since they moved on to other
companies or, in their opinion, better jobs he's currently alone.
Seth would use all the space to let everyone know he's the man in charge in
here; Dean though keeps his stuff in a corner, where he has a little, rather
cute mess of his own.
The other is just taping his right wrist, which means he's getting ready to
film inside the ring. Huh. Maybe they have to re-shoot something, which doesn't
happen often but hey, everyone makes mistakes.
Dean is still wearing all his casual street clothes, but his ring gear is lying
on the bench next to him. Seth knows each and every one of them by heart, has
had to wash them and all the others' more often than he will ever admit, but
this one is by far his favorite. One of AJ's real masterpieces.
There's a little white imprint on the right side of the briefs, Mox standing
there in capital letters, the font looking as if someone scribbled it down
angrily, barely able to contain their emotions. But what he really likes about
this outfit are the black, army style leather boots. The ones Seth remembers
very clearly, because the sound they produce vibrated through his body when
Dean walked out of Lita's all these weeks ago. Feels like a lifetime has passed
since then.
Seth wishes he too could have a pair of those. Not that he could ever pull them
off as good as his co-worker or that they fit his style, but he's never worn
other shoes than chucks and he finally wants to start experimenting. They are
too heavy and uncomfortable to wrestle in, but since Dean doesn't need any
shoes during sex scenes and he can make look everything easy and doable, he got
the okay to use them once in a while.
Dean has told him that wearing some of his own stuff during filming gives him
confidence, makes him feel safe and at home – something Seth never thought the
other needed, since Jon Moxley doesn't seem to be shy or insecure; there's
nothing weak about him.
Not that he thinks the wrestler is a weeny or anything, but it's a real eye-
opener every time he gets a new piece of information that makes him realize
that Jon and Dean are nothing alike and that he definitely prefers the latter's
company.
'Hey man, what's up?' his crush greets him, severing the tape with his teeth to
put it on his left hand too. Seth sits down on a chair, watching his reflection
in the mirror on the wall, sighing once again because of how young and out of
place he looks compared to everyone else at Cyberfights.
Well, he's not here to complain about him not fitting in. He came to make sure
he won't have to live through thirty-one days without Dean. And he'll get an
answer from IASHS in January too. What if they accept him and he has to face
the consequences of that all by himself?
Dean can't make the decision for him, but leaving for San Francisco doesn't
feel right anymore. Not if there's a chance that there could be something
between them. He's an idiot, isn't he? Giving up his entire career for a guy
who may or may not be interested in him.
'You aren't scheduled to shoot next month. Or for any meetings, gym sessions,
you know the drill. Is that a mistake? Are you leaving?' Okay, the last
question just slipped out of his mouth, but even if he likes his not-job, he'd
probably quit without Dean working here too. College is still an option, simply
because he'd get away from his family once and for all.
Most of the guys at Cyberfights are nice, but some are just jerks; a bigger,
more grown up version of the douchebags he has to deal with at school on a
daily basis. Seems like there are infantile idiots everywhere and it's not just
Seth drawing them in like half-naked sorority girls attract serial killers.
Speaking of the jerks, he still wants to take Dean up on his offer before it's
too late. Seth only needs to decide when showing up with him will have the
biggest impact. Because it definitely will change a lot of things. He's not
quite sure he is ready for that yet.
On the other hand, he just wants to forget about all of that, since he doesn't
want to take advantage of the work relationship that is blossoming between them
– though he prays each night that it'll evolve into an actual friendship
further down the road. And maybe, if he's lucky, somewhere down the line Dean
will fall for him too.
He has a lot of work to do. Especially because so far, Dean hasn't let on if
his methods are even sufficient. Maybe he should google how to charm another
person. Someone out there must know how to properly do that. He should remember
to search for people who have bewitched older men too. Just to gather all the
information.
Jeez, he needs the internet to make someone fall in love with him. How
pathetic.
Anyway, if he does accept the offer, he thinks it's better to hang out a couple
of times first; so they can get to know each other better outside of work. And
not having to lie about Dean being his boyfriend when he shows up at school
would be the perfect ending to a not so perfect story.
Dean chuckles, wrapping the white tape tightly around his wrist, holding his
hand out to Seth. Is he supposed to bite it off? Wouldn't that be a bit odd?
But then he spots the scissors on the bench and congratulates himself for not
bending forward to use his mouth. That would have been so awkward. Insanely
hot, but really awkward.
He cuts the tape in half and points questioningly at the first draft of the
duty roster, fear settling uncomfortably in his stomach because Dean hasn't
answered yet. It feels like a bad sign that he won't ease his worries. 'Nope,
no mistake,' the other finally says, getting up to take off his long-sleeved
shirt, the tank top beneath rucking up to reveal the outlines of a six-pack
beneath. This is so unfair. 'I'm going home.'
Home as in Cincinnati, freaking Ohio? That's like the other end of the world.
He must look as sad and crestfallen as he feels, because Dean ruffles through
his hair, adding softly, 'It's just my annual holiday. I always tell Trips I
don't need it, but it's part of my contract. So I'm going home, visit some
people and try not to die of boredom. It's more of a break for my dick than
myself.'
Okay, he's going to pretend he didn't hear that and instead focus on something
else or he'll end up staring at Dean's genitals for an inappropriate amount of
time. It's not like he hasn't seen everything already, but it's different now.
Wow, he couldn't act more like the teenager he is.
So, Trips. He needed four whole days to understand that that's Hunter's
nickname around here for people who have a close relationship with the man.
Even though he should have understood it as soon as he read his full name in
the personal file Dean gave him.
To his defense he has to say that not everyone immediately gets the idea that
Trips is a short form for Triple H, which is another abbreviation for Hunter
Hearst Helmsley, which in turn is a horrible name for any kid out there. His
parents must have hated their child a lot.
'Why don't you use that month to wrestle for real?' God knows Dean has a lot of
talent – he's definitely the most entertaining guy in the whole company – and
he should be out there working for TNA, ROH, CZW, heck, Seth is sure he would
even fit perfectly into the WWE.
Dean takes off his top, stifling a yawn before he sits down next to him to
unlace his street shoes. Seth tries very hard to not show how unhappy he is
with knowing that soon he'll be separated from Dean for four weeks, but he
doesn't think he's doing a very good job of it.
'I did,' the other states with a distant, forlorn look on his face. 'Thought I
was born to wrestle.' Dean laughs scornful and Seth frowns, not sure what's so
funny about that, since it's the truth. He's really come to love watching the
other's videos at home not to jerk off after work, but to see him in the ring.
Dean has a way of captivating everyone in a heartbeat. It's impossible to look
away when he's setting someone up for a Tornado DDT off the top rope or
punishes his opponent with a kendo stick. He was born to compete in the squared
circle and be on television for millions of fans all around the world to see.
It's a shame he's rotting away in a company that focuses on his wrong talent.
'But no matter where I went or what I did, how much I busted my ass, in the end
I always got turned down. Said, I wouldn't fit in.' Whoever those idiots were,
they clearly had no eyes in their heads. Those people should be punished and
burn in hell for letting Dean slip through their ignorant fingers.
'And?' he prompts, blushing against his will when Dean slips out of his pants –
plus the briefs – as if it's no big deal getting naked in front of him. He
really hopes it's not since Dean knows and can't forget that Seth used to watch
all of his videos to release some tension, but because he feels comfortable
around him.
Seth looks away to give him some privacy until he hears the boots being laced.
'Well,' Dean continues, grinning down at his shoes because of Seth's palpable
embarrassment, 'this company didn't. Ro asked me to do a few gigs and what can
I say? I was young and needed the money. Came for the cash, pun intended,
stayed for the fun.'
So Roman found him God knows where and saw something all those morons of the
big, serious companies didn't. No wonder he's so fixated on him, afraid that
Dean will never get a chance to show his full potential in his job and private
life. It still doesn't justify the rude behavior, but Seth's slowly beginning
to fathom where the animosity might be coming from.
Dean stands right behind him, grabbing the tube of gel to slick his hair back,
finishing his transformation into Jon Moxley. Seth watches him through the
mirror, letting slip yet another stupidity that manages to weasel its way past
his brain-to-mouth filter. 'But you're here for five years already.'
The words themselves wouldn't have been so bad; it's his tone that ruins
everything because it sounds as if Seth thinks Dean's wasting his life with
working for Cyberfights. Now that may be kind of true, even though he doesn't
mean it like that.
If Dean wouldn't have done all these things in the first place, Seth wouldn't
have ended up at Cyberfights, meeting him, getting to know him better. He never
would have fallen for the other either. So ultimately, it's a good thing he's
stuck here.
Dean, now looking every bit like Jon – unforgiving stare, face distant and
closed off, blue eyes cold and frozen –, does get it the wrong way, snapping at
him in an attempt to defend himself. 'What? Am I not making enough out of my
miserable life? Is this,' he points at the room and his body, 'not good enough
for our rich, spoiled, future college boy? Do I need to be normal and have an
ordinary job to be worthy of breathing the same air as your highness?'
Seth sighs defeated while shaking his head vehemently. 'Of course not,' he
gives his best to calm Dean down, but to no avail. The damage has been done and
the first crack in their friendship runs deep.
'This is my life. I know what I'm doing.' At least the other stopped barking at
him, the words are no longer filled with venom. Right now, Dean just sounds
tired of having this argument, even if it's the first time he's having it with
Seth.
He holds up his hands to show Dean he doesn't mean any harm, assuring the
other, 'I never doubted that.' All Seth wants to say is that Dean doesn't
belong here. Not anymore. He should be out there, living the big life because
he deserves it.
Dean shuts his eyes and takes a step back – Seth suddenly has the overwhelming
urge to grab his arm and keep him close –, breathing evenly to quiet down.
'You should leave, I have to get ready.' It's a lie and they both know it. Dean
is always as ready as he can be. All he wants in this moment is for Seth to
notbe here, sick of his face and this discussion. So he gets up and takes the
papers with him, remembering how he came here to make sure Dean wouldn't leave
him and realizing that he might just have lost him either way.
'I didn't want to–' Dean scoffs, the gruff noise making it very clear that he
needs some space or else he'll forget himself and throw Seth out of his life
once and for all. 'No more. Go.'
He doesn't have to tell him twice, Seth is already leaving with a heavy heart.
The door falls shut behind him, the sound ringing loudly in his ears. There's a
sharp, throbbing pain in his chest that refuses to leave him alone again,
making it impossible to remain here at Cyberfights.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Summary
     'Would you like to stop being a simple secretary and start to work
     with us downstairs? You could watch my singles shoot, see if you like
     it better than sitting up here gathering dust.'
Chapter Notes
     I'm sorry for being so short-spoken lately but my health issues are
     getting worse and I'm having way more panic attacks because of them
     than is good for me. But I still wanted to thank all of you who read
     this fic (or my others) and are so supportive. It means the world to
     me! I don't know where I'd be without you!
                    Act Six: better draw a line in the sand
Dean avoids him after their little, childish argument like Seth has some kind
of contagious disease and unfortunately, he gets to see more of Jon Moxley
shining through every time they do meet in a hallway or accidentally leave the
building at the same time. He never thought he could loathe a non-existent man
so much.
Dean is cold and distant, hissing his sentences more than actually saying them,
barking at him to get out of his hair before he drops out of high school too
just because he spent too much time in his vicinity.
It's definitely interesting to see how profoundly Seth has hurt the other just
by stating that he deserves more than the life he's currently living because it
says a lot about Dean. Seth suspects that too many people in his past told him
he wasn't worth jack shit, but that's not what he meant.
On the contrary. He knows, can see it every second of the day, that Dean loves
what he's doing. All parts of the job. It's just that he's way more talented
than he himself even realizes. It hurts Seth to see that he could make so much
more out of his life yet decides to waste it all here.
Maybe he's just too naive to understand Dean's side of the story. Perhaps the
other has seen the real world already and came to the conclusion that he
doesn't fit in anywhere but here. Seth won't be able to find out until Dean
talks to him again. Which might take a while.
Honestly? Getting the silent treatment is kind of awesome. It means Seth struck
a chord; only people you care about can hurt you like this. Ever the optimist.
What else can he do with Dean glaring daggers at him twenty-four/seven?
Of course Roman notices the change in their relationship and for the first time
since he met the man, Seth is sure that he's not too happy about it. Which
makes no sense at all. It's like the world suddenly is upside down, with Dean
hating on him and Roman being supportive.
The Samoan was the one acting like a total prick ever since the beginning and
now that he and Dean go through a rough patch – he still doesn't quite get why
they're making a mountain out of a molehill – he's all pissed off and
exasperated instead of exuberant and gleeful.
Seth also has no idea why he's sitting in the conference room right now, wedged
in between all the actors and the creative team around a round table. Roman
usually keeps him as far away from Dean as he can, sending him on stupid
missions, coffee and donut runs, but he barged into his tiny office earlier,
downright demanding his presence at the meeting.
So here he is, listening to some random guy that just started working for
Cyberfights complain about too much wrestling and not enough banging. Well boo-
hoo, this is a company that delivers both, assbutt. Seth rolls his eyes, making
a mental note to immediately forget the newbie's name and just wait for him to
leave again. That whiny baby will only be a fleeting star. He's gotten pretty
good at identifying those and that greenhorn definitely belongs to them. No
sticktoitiveness whatsoever.
Roman catches him grimacing and they stare into each other's eyes for a moment
– Seth breaking out in cold sweat – before the man tries to hide a mean grin,
sadly giving in to the boring, serious workaholic in him and asks Seth very
loudly, interrupting the dude's rambling, 'Got anythin' to say, kid?'
Darn it.
He didn't mean to attract anyone's attention, but now everyone, including Dean,
is looking at him – their gazes ranging from curious and expectant to bored. Of
course this is the first time Dean isn't trying to kill him with his glaring,
so he should grab the bull by the horns and blow them all away. Metaphorically
speaking, of course.
Actually, there are certain things he has witnessed around here that could need
some improvement. He doesn't want to criticize but– no, quite frankly, he does.
Even if it's not his place to speak up, he still does; thinking it mandatory
now that the other made him the center of attention. Dean runs a hand through
his messy hair and scratches over his stubble, a spark lighting up in his eyes
that gives Seth enough courage to stand his ground.
'Since you're asking,' he announces, opening his notepad as if he has written
down everything he thinks is amiss – the thing is actually void of anything
useful or intelligent; the only sentences in it are furious questions directed
at Dean, like Why are you being such an ass? or Why am I still falling for you
even though you're the biggest jerk working here?
And of course the obligatory, very cheesy Seth Ambrose scribblings.
'There is way too much violence in your sexual intercourse scenes,' he says
more confidentially than he feels, but as soon as Dean's eyebrows shoot up at
his words, he knows what he's doing, digging in his memory for all the facts he
once read.
'Did you know that a study on popular porn movies in 2010 revealed that eighty-
eight percent of the sex scenes contain physical aggression – including
spanking, gagging and slapping?' Roman opens his mouth as if that wasn't a
rhetorical question.
Seth interrupts him with a stern face; he's on a roll and can't be stopped
anymore.' Of course you didn't.' Time to get some things off his chest.
'Now, I'm not saying that some guys don't enjoy that treatment, but I have come
across a lot of complaints of former employees when you made me clean up that
shithole of an office.' The slightly proud smile on Dean's face fades away
quickly and his expression turns thoughtful. This is the part Seth actually
feels sorry for, because a lot of those complaints were from people working
exclusively with Dean before they left the company again.
He's not implying that the other is a bad or particularly violent person, but
Jon Moxley has abused the power he was given on more than one occasion. He
hasn't found any reports or accusations from the past two years, which means
that Dean has already changed, but it's still something he, as an online-
member, noticed during some shows.
'A lot of people are not happy with the way porn works, you know, the
conquerer-victim paradigm, the master-slave portrayal. Why not let people
actually bond instead of only showing the guys trying to impale each other with
their dicks?'
What the heck is he doing? He's just questioning porn in general, telling
everyone in the room – and at least two thirds of them are actors – how wrong
their job is and how many of them have to do something against their will,
which translates into being abused.
It's not like he doesn't know that this company takes care of their employees,
forcing them to use condoms, forbidding drugs, having a health policy and
making annual drug tests for those actors who actually stay for more than one
month.
But there are still people who will claim they were mistreated and Seth
believes them, in dubio pro reo, which is why he's proposing this new idea.
Part of him also wants to protect Dean from going down that road when he's
clearly destined for something much greater than this.
'You could have a hardcore section. That way it wouldn't taint every segment
and you could find guys who actually like that stuff. Have it in their contract
that they agree to more questionable actions. Oh, and I think you should do
monthly drug tests. I know they cost a lot of money, but trust me, I read
horrible things in those files and you'd be better off with more frequent
ones.'
The first Dean had to do for the company he failed, the report stating he'd
been on ecstasy and coke, but every other one after that he passed with flying
colors, which made Seth happier than he ever thought he could be.
'And while you're at it,' he adds, getting more confident with each second that
passes without someone interrupting him. 'There should be a change for the STD
and HIV tests too. A lot can happen in just one week and you can't control the
lives of the guys after work, so you should definitely think about that. A lot
of them already do get regularly tested in their private time, so why not make
it official?'
Roman nods, writing something down at an agonizingly slow pace, once again
opening his mouth, thinking he is done yet. Oh no, the other asked for this and
Seth is going to deliver. He probably won't ever have the courage to dare and
talk back at the man again. 'And I guess you'd make a wise move if you'd
concentrate more on the wrestling part.'
'Is that so?' Roman manages to squeeze a question into his monologue, every
person in the room still looking at him – some glad that he had the guts to
address these matters, some angry that he either insulted them or pointed out
that they are misbehaving. He couldn't care less about those guys.
'Yep,' he claims, pointing at himself with a huge grin on his face. 'I'm
probably the prime example of the average Cyberfights viewer. I'm in my teens,
horny as long as I don't have to see your ugly face–' At this point almost
everyone in the room laughs, including Dean, which spurs him on even more.
'–and constantly on the hunt for guy on guy action. I don't want to change the
company, but you could, erm, try out a new angle with guys just wrestling
somewhat dubiously. You have no idea how erotic wrestling can be, so if you
have actors who take that to a whole new level, I swear to you that people like
me will love guys dry-humping each other in the ring. Unresolved sexual tension
is a very powerful tool.'
He just wants to see more of real life stuff in adult movies, instead of people
raising expectations that won't ever come true. He's read so many articles
about porn ruining marriages and relationships, or how it affects younger
people to be more violent with their partners because they see it and think
it's okay, since no one complains.
Seth knows that Roman has no obligation whatsoever to listen to him or heed his
words, but it'd be nice nonetheless. Cyberfights could be the first company
ever that takes really good care of their employees and represents actual human
relationships – the whole spectrum, from intercrural sex to BDSM. Just, as long
as everyone gives their consent.
'There should be more long-term on-screen relationships too, so teens and
everyone else can see that monogamy is not the end of the world, or that a
partnership isn't confining. And you should maybe make a membership available
at the age of twenty-one and not eighteen.'
Roman scoffs, waving his hand around in a vague gesture that includes him.
'Didn't stop you at the tender age of fourteen to steal your brother's credit
card and use that for your registration.' Crap. Who told him that? 'Yeah, I
need some more time to work on that one,' he admits, sitting down again, having
made his point for now.
He still has a lot of ideas for the wrestling part of this company, like
introducing titles, but he guesses they can wait for now; he'll save them for
another meeting. And what he mentioned today are the most pressing matters he
discovered while sifting through the storage room.
'That it?' Roman asks and Seth can see from his seat that he has taken a lot of
notes, pride making him cheeky. 'Creative could also sit down with the guys
more often to ask them what they wanna do, if there's someone they'd like to
work with, something they'd like to try out, if they wanna change their gimmick
a bit. Just sayin'.'
Dean ducks his head, a huge grin on his face and for some reason Seth knows in
that instant that whatever grudge he nursed, it's gone now. He won't be
treating him like a stranger anymore. Maybe Seth just needed to re-earn his
respect after implying that Dean has no education and a shitty job and should
make more out of his life, after just knowing him for a few weeks, not even
aware of his past history.
'While we're at it,' he interrupts any attempt Roman might have done, standing
up once more to walk through the room. Honestly, he just wants to be closer to
Dean, now that the dark clouds above them dissolved and the sunshine is back.
Roman sighs, probably regretting to ever wanting to punish Seth with this
meeting. 'Why don't you make a whole new section on your website with behind-
the-scenes stuff, so your customers can get to know the guys better. Show them
they're normal people. Give your fans some bloopers, little documentaries from
their workouts and wrestling training. Let them answer questions. Serious ones,
of course. And nothing too personal.'
He does have an ulterior motive to propose that, which is called Operation Get
To Know Dean Ambrose (before you buy a ring and get partner tattoos).
The Samoan shoots him an impatient look, as if to say he better zip it and Seth
slinks back into his seat. He will keep his mouth shut from now on. 'Most of
this has nothing to do with Creative, but I'll make sure to let Hunter and
Stephanie know,' Roman thanks him for his input, sounding everything but happy.
'We'll think this over, but has anyone else something to say?' Typically, no
one raises their voice and the joy he'd been feeling for having the courage to
man up vanishes into thin air. It's really sad that a seventeen-year-old has
more balls than a bunch of adults. But then someone does speak up. He'd never
let Seth down.
'I think he has a point. We've done some questionable stuff lately and I
certainly wouldn't mind putting more attention to the wrestling. The monthly
drug tests don't sound doable, but every half year or, even better, unannounced
ones make more sense,' Dean adds, flashing a cheeky smile at his best friend to
which Roman replies with an annoyed groan.
'Fine, you all can go. Let the rest of the core five in,' he announces and Seth
gets pushed out of the room by the horde trying to flee before Roman changes
his mind. Once he's outside he searches for Dean, needing a very long time to
realize he apparently is one of those mysterious five people who got to stay.
Hopefully Roman won't tell him off for being on Seth's side.
With nothing else to do and still an hour until quitting time, Seth retreats
into his tiny, makeshift office – the room he had to clean out –, still having
a lot of work to do. He needs to copy the scripts for next week's show, hand
out the finished duty rosters to the guys downstairs and set up some contracts
for the two newest members of their patchwork family.
He's so focused on his task that he doesn't hear someone opening the door to
this room to enter and stand behind him, practically breathing down his neck.
Seth gets the shock of his life when he feels the warmth hitting his skin,
flinching so hard that he lets go of all the papers he just got out of the
copying machine.
'Fuck, Rome, you scared me to death. Ever heard of knocking?' They both get
down on their knees to pick up the mess at the same time, inadvertently bumping
their heads together. He starts laughing, not expecting Roman to do the same.
Now that he takes a closer look, he can see that the irate, disgusted
expression darkening the handsome features whenever they crossed paths before
is gone, replaced by something that Seth identifies as the protectiveness of a
big brother.
Sam sometimes looked at him like that when he was younger, coming to his aid
when kids on the playground picked on him. That was a whole lifetime ago, back
when he didn't dislike his own family.
His big brother doesn't do that anymore, but Roman suddenly seems like a guy
who takes care of the ones he loves – and once you made it into the small
circle of people he trusts, you'll have him as your shield forever. Pretty much
like Dean. Now this is the Roman Reigns he saw in all those videos, even if it
was a guy named Leakee.
'I'm amazed you're still here.' With all the subtle bullying going on he too is
bewildered he hasn't quit yet. But he's always loved a good challenge and Seth
still wants to be close to Dean. Plus, he likes working here, as long as no one
drags him in front of the camera.
'I'm obstinate,' Seth shrugs, taking the papers out of the other's hand to put
them back on his desk. Roman chuckles, the sound low and rumbling like a
distant roll of thunder. 'That you are. It's a good character trait.'
He can't help but laugh out loud, not quite sure why his co-worker had a change
of heart and is nice to him or what he wants here. But he enjoys Roman's
company for the first time since he started his not-internship and he doesn't
want to ruin the mood, in fear they will go back to the hating part.
'People usually call it annoying.' A light pat on his back makes him look over
the shoulder and meet Roman's amused gaze. 'That you are too.' Seems like the
other can't live without teasing Seth at least once a day. But seriously, what
happened in the last hour that he's treating Seth like a decent human being?
'While you're here,' he breaks the silence, deciding to test the water a bit,
'I have the scripts for all the shoots next week and you're scheduled to be in
two.' He sifts through the piles of paper on his desk and takes a quick glimpse
at the notes. 'One singles action aka jacking off like the lonely intern and a
little hold my hand and I'll shake your tree with Dick Rick.'
'Rude Rick.' Seth huffs and holds out the sheets for the other to take. 'That's
what I said.' They both grin, so Seth assumes it's safe to test the limits of
Roman's friendliness some more. 'Anyway, here's your script, even though you
can hardly call it that, since everyone usually improvises and all they ever
scream or moan are things like oh fuck, yeah, right there, you're so fucking
deep, make me cum, harder, yeah, that's it. Don't stop, yeah, keep fucking.'
To his defense, he didn't want to do that but as always, he couldn't stop the
word vomit from tumbling out of his mouth. And if he dare say, he sounded
pretty believable. Maybe he could pull off being an actor, though he's only
imitated what he heard in the millions of porn videos he's seen so far.
Roman blinks irritated, mouth slightly open as if he wants to say something but
has no clue what. Someone else though does. Why is he always there to witness
Seth's biggest moments of stupidity? Dean chuckles, knocking against the wooden
doorframe of his office, so they both turn to him, and remarks smirking, 'Told
you he's a natural.'
Fuck, fuck, fuck. How embarrassing. Why can't a lightning bolt kill him right
here, right now, so he'll never have to face Dean again? The one time he ever
makes these obscene sounds and of course, none other than his crush walks by.
If Roman wouldn't be here, staring at him with a blank expression, he'd start
crying. He's never felt this ashamed before. Never.
The Samoan finally reacts by clearing his throat, thankfully not addressing
what transpired moments ago – not even the part about Seth criticizing his job
as a writer –, and confesses, 'I came here to ask you something.' If he wants
him to leave for good, hell, he'll go. After that he'd do everything just to
get away from this place. 'Shoot. I mean, with words.'
'Ha, ha,' Roman rolls his eyes, but there's something akin to pride or respect
in his gaze. Don't tell him he's started to like him because Seth refuses to
back down even though the man is pretty intimidating? Finally, he did something
right in this company.
'Would you like to stop being a simple secretary and start to work with us
downstairs? You could watch my singles shoot, see if you like it better than
sitting up here gathering dust.' Whoa, is he offering Seth a real job instead
of only an almost internship? Is this a trap?
Because this is also Dean's last day before he'll be gone for four weeks –
sadly already done with all his segments. Roman won't kill him late at night
and bury him in his backyard as soon as his best friend leaves the state, so no
one will ask any questions until he returns again? Seth doubts anyone else
would miss him.
'Why?' the suspicious question slips past his lips and he can't help but squint
his eyes. It's creepy when Roman is so damn nice after making it very clear
that he can't stand him one bit.
'Look, I know I made some mistakes and I definitely was wrong about you. You
keep surprising me – all of us – and I gotta admit, you had some pretty good
points today. We're in need of someone with fresh, interesting ideas. You may
be a teenager but you're smarter than almost everybody in this building and
you'd be a real asset.'
This is happening. Because if it'd be a dream he wouldn't have embarrassed
himself in front of Dean yet again and pinching himself in the arm just hurt
like hell. Roman seriously wants him down there with everyone. Seth finally
achieved what he wanted the whole time: prove the man wrong about him.
'Thanks. I guess,' he muses, leaning back against the wall to find his footing
again. Roman steps closer and sighs, tousling his hair with an apologetic smile
on his lips. 'I'm sorry for being all territorial when we first met. I never
before had to share Dean with anyone.'
So it is all about him. But it still doesn't make a lot of sense. Roman is
married, has a little daughter which is why he's slowly stepping back from his
career as an actor, taking more responsibility in the creative department. Or
so he has heard from various sources already.
Why protecting Dean like a jealous pit bull then? Seems like Seth is not the
only overly possessive and obsessive one when it comes to their mutual friend.
Time to admit something too, so Roman isn't the only one unveiling something.
'You were right though. I do have feelings for him.' If Dean is aware of it,
then it can't make things worse if he tells the Samoan what he probably already
knows.
'It's okay. We all have our little crushes.' It's not just a little crush. He
might only be seventeen and a half, but he's not stupid. Seth knows what he
wants, has never been so sure about anything in his entire life. Yet he's in no
mood to argue about that right now.
As long as his infatuation with Dean won't burden their work friendship he's
fine with Roman thinking it's just a phase. At least until Seth knows why the
other cares so much even though he's only a friend and not Dean's partner. It's
weird to be so envious if you're not in a committed relationship or is this
just Seth overthinking everything again? Sometimes he can't tell the two apart.
'But I can also see that you take this internship very serious, which is why I
asked H to hire you, or at least give you money for your good work.' Alright.
This is so awkward. 'Wow. I don't know what to say.' Though he won't turn down
the offer to get a salary. The less he depends on his parents, the better.
Roman on the other hand didn't swallow his own tongue and gently guides him
towards the elevators, uttering, 'Then don't say anything. Just come down with
me and try out your new job as the director's personal assistant.' He's still
going to be someone's butler but strangely enough, he completely trusts his co-
worker to make sure he'll be treated right and that he'll have a say in certain
things.
It's always better than dying because of boredom and the blood loss he suffers
from paper cuts.
'Let's go then.' In about a month's time, Seth will finally be there when Dean
shoots, so he'll better get used to everything before he disgraces himself once
more. He can't sit there and watch his crush have sex with someone else just to
kill the other guy in cold blood because he should be the only one touching
Dean.
The thought that this could be a ruse to show him the cold, harsh truth about
his infatuation never even crosses his mind.
Roman laughs lightly and grabs Seth's head to lock it under his armpit and
playfully rub his knuckles over his hair. It reminds Seth once again of a big
brother being annoyed by their younger sibling but loving them anyway. Maybe
one day he and Roman could become very good friends too.
'Rome, huh? I like the sound of that.'
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Notes
     I never thought I'd one day get more than a 100 kudos on a fic, but
     here you guys are, proving me wrong. Thank you so much! In dire times
     like these, such little things make me happy. Love all of you <3 (p/
     s: My earlier plead is still going strong. Please be patient with
     Roman; he's not the bad guy. Not really.)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                     Act Seven: you can't handle the truth
Being a PA definitely has its advantages. He has muss less working time, since
the in-ring shootings usually take place first thing in the morning until lunch
break while the actual intercourse is being filmed at midday. After that the
actors have to work out in the gym and train in the ring.
Since the new year just started and it's still Winter Break Seth has a lot of
time on his hands, especially during the weekends, so he decides to join Roman
in the gym. It can never hurt to work on his stamina. And he thought it'd be a
good way to get closer to the man.
Seth also wants to get in shape, since almost everyone working here seems to
have an Adonis complex and he doesn't want to be the only one who's as skinny
as a rake. Okay, okay, actually he only intends to impress Dean a little bit,
show him– yeah, truth is only God knows what he wants to prove. Maybe that he
is covetable too? That he can keep up with him?
He must be madly in love if he voluntarily spends his free time in a gym,
trying to show the guys he's as perseverant as anyone else. After a whole week
without Dean – who he misses every single second of the day, no matter what he
does – Roman lets him get in the ring with him, cautiously teaching him some
simple holds.
It's not that easy to lock the other up in a full nelson because Roman is so
much taller than him, but Seth is allowed to sit on the top rope to execute it,
even though he's sure his co-worker doesn't feel a thing. 'Isn't this move
banned from amateur wrestling?' Seth queries, suddenly remembering what was
bothering him the whole time, and immediately lets go of the other.
'I'm not an amateur and we're not really wrestling. Chill out, kid. But if it
makes you feel better you can try a sleeper hold.' Seth hesitates for a second
– something doesn't seem right here either –, before he asks in a hushed
whisper so the others won't hear, 'Isn't that also called the blood choke?' He
doesn't have a death wish yet.
Roman snorts and leans against the ropes, watching him with a slightly
impatient expression. He knows he has to learn this stuff one day – or well, he
wishes to; no one is forcing him – but he'd like to do this at his own pace.
'Alright, chicken, how about I give you a different kind of motivation?'
Seth looks down at his colleague, his interest sparked. 'What would that be?'
The Samoan grins and he instantly gets a bad feeling about this. Thankfully,
his co-worker answers in a low voice, mindful of all the ears that are
listening in on them. 'Wanna learn Dean's submission moves?'
He really needs to ask that?
The more time he spends with Roman, the more he starts to like the man. The
other is actually quite nice, but for a reason he hasn't figured out yet also
very protective over Dean. Even more than a big brother should be.
One evening – they practice clothelines and corner forearm smashes – he's close
to just ask the man for the reason, eager to know their story and desperate to
talk about Dean, but he doesn't do it, which turns out to be a smart move.
Mostly.
After they've showered, Roman offers to drive Seth back home and while they sit
in the car, his workmate starts to tell him tales of his best friend without
being asked to. What a nice coincidence.
He listens intently and soon he thinks he understands the ulterior motive
behind this. Rome might not consider Seth a threat to their close friendship
anymore, but he's still on the mission to keep him away from Dean. The message
of those stories is pretty clear: he's my brother, not yours and I'll murder
you in your sleep if you take him away from me.
Seth looks out of the window and watches the dark sky above them, trying to
shake off the feeling that Roman purposefully shows him the worst sides of
Dean; perhaps to scare him away or make him realize that the other's so out of
his league.
Honestly, he doesn't care about who Dean dated in the past or how his former
relationships went to shit, even if Seth recognizes some of the names Roman
mentions from the personnel records. It's not his place to judge anyone for
their sexual life and no matter what the man will tell him, it won't change his
opinion of Dean.
He honestly believes that people can evolve – to the better and worse – and
he'd like to make his own experiences, even if they turn out to be major
mistakes.
Yet he doesn't interrupt Roman like he should, his curiosity getting the better
of him.
The Samoan seems to be a tiny bit gloomy whenever he talks about Dean's
failures; as if he was the one who had to pick up the pieces every time his
brother broke up with someone or got left.
Seriously, he should let the guy go and not hover over him like a creepy
shadow. Dean won't fly away, he's one of the most loyal and patient people he
has ever seen. Showing some trust would be advisable.
As his neighborhood flashes by, Seth can't help but wonder why Roman thought
it'd be a great idea to divulge Dean's past. No one in their right mind would
tell the kid who's been in love with their best friend how his crush can't date
someone for more than a few weeks, how he loses his temper and scares his
partners away, how he gets easily bored by the confinement of a relationship
and seeks pleasure somewhere else than at home.
So far, Roman has told him all the bad things Dean has done and he's still
waiting for the good times he had. There have to be happy moments Dean had with
his partners too. Seth has no doubt about that. And this really only confirms
his suspicions that Roman is trying to keep him away from his best friend.
Does this mean he thinks Seth isn't good enough for him? Is this conversation
some kind of test to find out if Seth is a serious threat to their brotherhood
or if he actually could be Dean's boyfriend at one point in history? He's said
it once, but he will gladly repeat himself: what is wrong with this guy? Roman
appears to be genuinely wanting to like Seth like a little brother but he just
can't because of Dean.
They've both opened up and talk like civilized people but he can't contain the
raging jealousy, so he tries to make Seth dislike Dean – the only reason he
started to work at Cyberfights – in the hopes of him leaving sooner rather than
later.
Feels like he is in love with his best friend himself and will move heaven and
hell to separate him and Dean. No matter what the reason is, it's weighing
heavily upon Seth. He's sure he wouldn't stand a chance against Roman.
The Samoan parks in his parents' driveway, taking in the big house that is his
home before he ducks his head and mutters, 'He always had these crude hunks as
his partners even though I think fuckbuddy would be the better term.' Alright,
Seth will pretend he didn't hear that insult, giving Roman the benefit of the
doubt. His co-worker surely didn't mean to call him not hot enough to be Dean's
boyfriend.
Even if he would want to reply to that, he doesn't know what to say. Past
choices in partners don't define a person. Quite frankly, he only thinks that
it tells a lot about the people Dean surrounds himself with, not who he really
is inside.
He won't say that into Roman's face either, sensing that the longer he stays
silent, the more the other will reveal and Seth is dying to know what that
could be. So he remains in his seat, watching his mother's silhouette move
behind the kitchen curtains. Dinner's probably just over and she's doing the
dishes.
'And then, one day, he started talking animatedly about this teenagekid with
glasses and two-toned hair that always has his nose buried in a book,' Rome
says after a while, voice strong yet exasperated, as if he can't understand how
someone could fall for a nerdy looki–
Seth's mouth drops open ungracefully and he turns towards Roman, not quite sure
he really heard that one right. Because that description sounds a lot like him.
Okay, don't throw a party just yet, idiot. No jumping to conclusions before you
have all the information, he chides himself, wiggling in his seat, hungry for
more.
'He told you about me?' Or everyone as a matter of fact. This is unbelievable.
Dean is interested in him. Seth is not yet sure if he's just seeing him as an
individual he'd like to get to know better or if he is physically attracted to
Seth. It could be that he's only regarding him as a friend, which would be okay
– one day, far in the future – as long as it doesn't mean he has to cut Dean
out of his life.
Roman nods, a tired smile ghosting over his face. 'Wouldn't shut up about you.
Was as if he wanted to talk about you for years already. He sometimes saw you
in that coffee shop, listened to you complain about the guys at school or how
your family treated you like you should never've been born or rambling off more
facts than he could ever remember in his whole life.'
So his initial idea to wait for the other at Lita's wasn't even that bad. Dean
used that strategy too. Holy cow, he still can't believe that he – Seth Rollins
– captured a man's interested just by being himself. No one has ever liked who
he was, other than the Hardys, and now the man of his dreams comes along and
poof, life gives him lemonade instead of a dirty jar and a rotten lemon.
Roman huffs out a fond laugh and for the first time since this conversation
started, Seth thinks that his workmate is not jealous, but utterly sad. He
sounds defeated, like he has lost a part of himself the moment Dean found
someone who was not a fleeting affair. Someone who could be more. Whatever that
means.
Seth can't help it but he feels sorry for his co-worker. The bond that binds
him and Dean has changed into something Roman can't control anymore. And Seth
gets how scary that can be.
Sensing how much this troubles his newfound friend, Seth instantly sags his
shoulders, mimicking the other's posture purely on instinct. It's no surprise
to him when Roman continues after swallowing hard, whispering a tad hopelessly,
'He was so impressed by how you don't give a shit about what people think of
you, walking around with these fan shirts even though you knew what'd happen at
school if you did, always ordering kids' drinks.'
He once asked himself, why change when in fact he's pretty happy with who he
is. Just so that others will like him? That's not worth the trouble.
Oh God, he just now remembers all the times he was at Lita's, legs sprawled
over the chair and table alike, sipping at his various kids' drinks, going on
about his masturbation rituals, what kind of tasteless pranks he has to endure
at school, his quest to lose his virginity and every embarrassing thing that
has ever happened to him.
And Dean has been there to witness some of it. Knowing his luck, he'd been
standing right behind Seth, smiling amused every time he entered the coffee
shop because he got to hear another frustrated teenager story that lightened up
his day. For some reason, this is the worst thought of them all. That Dean
knows stuff about him that he'd never wanted to tell the other. Or at least not
so soon.
Doesn't that ring a fat bell?
It's his own damn fault though, yammering about his problems in a public place
– even if he considers Lita's his second home, right behind Cyberfights. The
day had to come; he was certain that sooner or later his big mouth would get
him into trouble.
'So he knew me already,' Seth murmurs, completely hung up on that fact. This is
the most shocking news he's heard in a while and it makes his head spin. He's
felt so at ease in the company of Matt, Jeff and Lita that he completely forgot
where he was and that he should keep his voice down.
Roman turns to look at him, his hesitation making Seth feel uneasy. Is there
more? Crap, there is more. And then the other admits something that completely
steals his thunder. 'He always had that special kinda smile on his face that
told everyone Dean's been seeing that kid again.'
He has a smile too?
Seth doesn't give a flying fudge about Roman's earlier insults anymore, since
this right now is everything he ever wanted. He managed to sneak his way into
Dean's heart without even trying. Okay, technically, he didn't know that his
Prince Charming was standing right behind him at Lita's – God bless this woman
and her coffee shop – but whatever.
'How come I never saw him?' he asks the most obvious question, watching the
light in the kitchen go off. 'Dean is one of those people that just draw
everyone's attention to them.' Most importantly, he could have talked to the
man way before accidentally running into him, could have had Dean in his life a
lot sooner.
'He is,' Roman agrees, the smile on his face growing stronger and wider but he
doesn't offer an explanation. Seth seriously thought he'd have to woo Dean
until the day he dies, this though changes everything. His first relationship
doesn't seem like a pipe dream anymore even if he has a lot of unanswered
questions about Dean not talking to him back then.
'Don't even think about it.' What? How did he guess correctly what was going
through his mind? And Roman should know better than to try and tell him that he
shouldn't go down that road. 'I'm turning eighteen in May.' Which is still more
than four months away but time flies by so fast, he probably will wake up one
morning and the day's finally there.
'You can't,' Roman tries again, this time with more rigor, a warm hand holding
his wrist as if Seth would jump out of the car at any second to run all the way
to Ohio and kiss Dean like he's a drowning man, struggling for air, sealing all
of their fates.
'Why not?' he blurts out louder than intended. It hurts that the other tries
with all his might to nip anything that could be in the bud. 'Just give me a
chance. I can be good for him.' He might not be a hunk and he definitely wants
to be more than a fuckbuddy, but he is an adequate catch.
Roman shakes his head, seeming almost disappointed that Seth thinks like this.
Uhm, sorry, the man's not exactly very clear about why he's so against Dean and
Seth hooking up. 'It's not that.'
He waits a few seconds, hoping Roman will tell him more but when a minute has
passed by, Seth can't take it anymore. A wild guess it is then. 'I'm not too
young.' Or inexperienced. Well, he is a virgin, but he's also a fast learner.
He can be good, given a chance.
'You are,' Rome says, holding up a hand to signal Seth that he has a few more
words to say. 'That ain't the point either though.' Oh, screw it. He's done
beating around the bush. 'Then what is it?' Seth can take all the harsh truths.
No need to treat him like a baby.
His happiness flies out of the window in no time, the only feeling left is
bitterness. What is Roman's angle? Seriously, why is he doing all this? Telling
him Dean has a horrible taste in partners, Dean is abusive, Dean has been
interested in him for months already, Dean is not the one he should be in love
with.
Seth doesn't understand. Is this a warning to back off, he is dangerous or back
off, punk, he's mine? Or even the very unlikely I'm a much better catch? So.
Confusing.
'You can't force Dean to stay here for you, for a relationship that would be
your first. I won't let you break his heart nor will you stand in his way.'
Whoa, slow down there, buddy. But does this mean he already captured Dean's
heart? Like for real?
And who says that people can't live together with their very first love for the
rest of their lives? Many high school sweethearts split up, he knows the
numbers, thank you very much, yet there are some who make it. Why is Roman so
against giving him and Dean a chance?
'Hang on a tic, force him to stay?' he stutters, not quite sure how his brain
manages to say something halfway intelligent, instead of ordering his body to
throw as many punches as he can get in. Dean will leave and no one told him
yet? This is much more than he can take.
But Roman isn't done yet, dead set on making Seth understand. 'He doesn't
belong here. Dean is too talented to only be a porn actor, he needs to be in a
real wrestling company.' 'My thoughts exactly,' Seth barks back, offended that
his companion thinks he would deliberately ruin Dean's career.
Roman moans and looks at Seth, calming the storm inside of him with his stupid
teddy bear eyes. 'Listen, I'm sending out tapes of him every few months to all
the promotions out there, so he'll get a foot in the industry. All I'm asking
you is don't hold him back.'
Does he really think Seth is so selfish, that Dean's dreams mean nothing to
him? Before he confesses how disgruntled he feels and how he never thought
Roman would make the mistake of misjudging him again, he says something else.
Because this is actually more important to him. 'Did someone answer?' They
better have. Dean's one of the best wrestlers Seth has ever seen – simply
because he is the total package. He's entertaining, smart in the ring, a real
star on the microphone and never content with his performance, which leads to
him always working to get better.
A proud expression flashes over Roman's face that makes Seth want to smile.
'Three companies voiced their interest.' Sounds like it took him forever to
convince them. Morons. Seth had to take one fleeting glance and he was already
hooked. What's taking all these professional idiots so long?
'That's amazing,' he half-yells, excitement making him forget everything else.
'Does he know?' Roman shakes his head and leans over to Seth as if he wants to
tell him a secret. It's not like anyone will eavesdrop on them in a car, but
hey, as long as the other isn't belittling him anymore, Seth won't complain.
'Not yet. I'll tell him when he comes back. The tryouts are in March.' Awesome.
But what about the the whole porn stuff? Surely that's a no-go for most
companies. How will Rome pull that one off? 'That's really amazing. One of them
has to take him, he deserves it.'
Roman stares at him for a very long time before he sighs and looks out of the
window. The neighborhood is awfully quiet and there's no one else Seth could
concentrate on. The atmosphere in the car is heavy, unpleasant to a certain
degree and Seth can't wait to finally get out. He has a lot to reminisce about.
'All I want for Dean is to be happy. He loves to wrestle, it fulfills him,
frees him.' That sounds as if Seth is taking all that away from Dean, meaning
to ruin his chances. He might be young, but he's not immature. Seth knows
exactly what the Samoan is hinting at and he doesn't like it one bit.
'But he can't show up with a teenage boyfriend who works with him at an adult
movie company. A nice back story is always welcomed, but I guess that's
virtually impossible.' So much for life not slapping him in the face for once.
Roman claps him awkwardly on the shoulder, looking a bit sorry. So he knows
that Seth doesn't want to take anything away from Dean, but the other also
can't see a happy ending for either one of them.
Bottom line is, he's holding Dean back, cages him with his teenage love.
Seth rubs over his face, his glasses falling down on his lap. This whole
conversation is giving him a headache.
What if Dean chooses his future all by himself? Would he follow the path Roman
wants to pave for him or would he even pick Seth? Given he's equally infatuated
with him than Seth is with Dean.
He still has to voice the thought, because Seth is determined to not give up.
'What... what if–' 'He would,' Roman cuts him short and there's no need to
explain what he wanted to know.
Seth has no idea how to react – Rome looks like he's going to ask him to back
off, to give Dean up and he closes his eyes to not see the other's lips move to
tell him yet another harsh truth. 'Given an ultimatum, he'd one day choose you,
which is why you need to let him go.'
Chapter End Notes
     For everyone who's also reading LTWK: Given my current health, I
     don't know if I'll write about ER. I have to admit that I haven't
     even seen Raw or SD for ~3 weeks (but I know what happened) and if
     things go even worse I might commit myself into an institution that
     hopefully can help me sleep for one night and calm me down again.
     Sorry about that but I promise - no matter what - if something
     Shield-ish happens, I will write about it sooner or later. Just maybe
     not right away. Sorry.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Summary
     How do you think you can explain dating a male hooker? Because that's
     what he is. Getting paid to fuck.
                           Act Eight: family values
He wisely never agreed to let Dean go, but he promised Roman to tone it down a
notch, which should be easy since the man of his dreams is hundreds of miles
away at the moment, doing whatever in Ohio while Seth walks around at home like
a living zombie.
The moment he told Roman that he'd do his best to support Dean he started to
feel numb. Useless. Out of place, even in his own room. Turns out, ignoring his
crush is a lot harder than he thought.
All those damn teen movies he curses on a daily basis are right – one cannot
miraculously stop loving someone. He is missing Dean every second of the day,
unable to think of anything else, no matter how hard he concentrates on other
things like school or work.
He even defies the bullies on purpose so they'll beat him up and he finally
feels something again; argues with his parents so they'll ask him what's wrong
and he can blindside them by coming out, but they never care enough. It's
always Sophie here, Samuel there. Same old song, no matter how many times they
remix it.
That Dean is at home in Cincinnati is only making things worse. He really
doesn't want to fuck up the other's big chance, but Seth has a right to be
happy too, hasn't he? What if they could be something beautiful? But he has
vowed to at least try and steer clear of the man for a while. But does he
really want to?
All this hypothetical stuff gets him nowhere, so he decides to just see where
his path will lead him. He can't consider Roman's feelings and doubts if he
wants to find true happiness. He will go easy on the man though, since he
doesn't want Rome to hate him again.
So he has to do all this without the Samoan noticing which requires some
hardcore ninja skills.
He thought hard and long about how to proceed and he came up with a pretty
decent plan, if he might say so himself. The first step would be accepting
Dean's offer to show off with him. He doesn't kid himself, knows it won't
change a thing in school. These jerks won't stop bullying him just because he
suddenly has an intimidating boyfriend.
Dean can't be there day and night to protect Seth, but that's not why he wants
to do this whole pretend relationship thing. He has other reasons in mind to
justify this.
The second step consists of seeing if there actually are mutual feelings
involved. He would never hold Dean back – Seth simply can't be this selfish,
it's just not in his blood – but he also only lives once, so he naturally wants
to make the most of it.
Texting Dean is a secure way to tentatively start prodding for answers. Man,
this would be so much easier if he knew what he's doing.
Even though they have talked all over January already, Seth is back to square
one, fidgeting with his phone because he has no clue what to say to Dean, how
to lure out information without raising any suspicions. He starts with an easy
question, asking how Cincinnati is – although he already knows that.
Dean always answers in a matter of minutes, making Seth wonder if he has
nothing better to do and what exactly he's up to in Ohio.
   Cold, for starters. I never hated myself more for deciding to wrestle in
                                    trunks.
So Dean is enjoying himself in a ring. Seth wonders if Roman and Hunter know
about this. Though he suspects that he just can't stay away from a fight for
too long, wrestling whenever he gets the chance to. Seth would love nothing
more than to be in the crowd, watch him in his natural habitat. He's sure it's
way more intense and wonderful if there's only the sport involved.
He smiles down at his phone, writing back a trite So your are brawling. Seth
has no idea what else to type. Somehow he can't even have a normal conversation
with the man although he doesn't have to look him in the face. He really is way
too inhibited.
His phone buzzes shortly afterwards and he can practically hear Dean huffing
out a fond laugh. God, he misses the other's voice so much.
Sure am. Can't let myself get rusty. And HWA always welcomes me with open arms.
Oh right, they have their headquarters in his hometown or something like that.
So after all these years Dean still goes back to the place where he started to
learn how to wrestle. He must either like it very much or he's eternally
grateful that someone wanted him to have a chance in life.
It sucks that he ended up with Cyberfights even though he went through all the
pain and suffering and put so much effort in his career. One man's joy is
another man's sorrow. Seth can't complain that Dean moved to Los Angeles when
Roman got him a job here.
'Mr Rollins, you with us?' his teacher asks loudly and Seth looks up petrified,
feeling like someone just walked in on him sitting on the toilet. He skims over
the equations on the chalkboard, his brain catching up to everything in a
matter of seconds and Seth nods, smiling apologetically at her.
'Yeah, sorry,' he assures Mrs James, hoping she'll let him get away with this
for once. 'Would you mind solving this then?' He almost grits out a bitch,
please but his manners kick in at the very last moment. He usually doesn't
openly swear or insult anyone, especially not his teachers.
Seth gets up and avoids tripping over his classmates' feet – which they
deliberately put in his way – and grabs the chalk, writing down numbers and
letters without thinking much about it. All he wants to do is go back to his
seat and ask Dean the million dollar question of the day.
'Happy?' he can't help but utter as soon as he's done and she nods at him with
a scowl on her face that says very clearly you got lucky this time. She needs
to throw more at him than mathematical problems to catch him off guard.
This little display of cockiness lifts his mood so much that he sits down,
takes out his phone and boldly writes two simple words that mean the world to
him.
                                   Miss me?
Predictably, as soon as he hits the send button his confidence leaves him and
he slumps in his seat, wishing for it to be possible to stop a text in mid-air.
Like a butterfly he can trap in a net. Dean's probably laughing at him right
now, showing his colleagues his childish message with the words look what got
tangled in my web.
He shouldn't pussyfoot around any longer, especially after he learned that Dean
has known him for a while now, but he somehow thinks he still needs to proceed
with caution. Check things out before dropping the bombshell.
Truth is, he's too chicken to just flat out ask Dean what this thing between
them is; the fear it means nothing to the other too big to overcome.
               A wise person once told me to not flatter myself.
Seth stares at his phone while his right hand moves on the table, so he appears
lost in thoughts and as if he's writing something down. He really doesn't want
to get called to the front a second time. The less attention he attracts, the
better.
He reads the words over and over, smiling down at his lap, biting his bottom
lip because he can't believe Dean remembered that.
                                  So you do?
Why can't Dean just answer straight from the shoulder? That's all he wants. If
the other would ask him the same, he'd admit in a heartbeat that he's dying
without him by his side. Okay, that's not entirely true. Seth's existence is
not tied to Dean's closeness, but it sounds dramatic and it sure feels like it.
Dean writes back a short and facile Shut up that makes Seth growl in
dissatisfaction. Thankfully the bell rings at the same time, saving him from
curious questions of Mrs James. A couple of his classmates giggle, but Seth
doesn't pay any attention to them. Besides, they're used to him acting all
weird.
He packs his stuff and gets up, waiting for everyone to pass him by, so he can
write Dean without someone glancing over his shoulder. There's nothing worse
than teenagers spreading rumors because of something they witnessed and took
the wrong way.
Seth does want everyone to know about Dean, but not like this. It has to be a
huge thing, preferably with the man by his side; there needs to be a big
impact. Something that'll shut everyone up for a couple of days.
                     Are you allergic to straight answers?
He's getting a little frustrated here, since Dean refuses to outright say yes
or no. All he wants to know is if Dean's thinking of him late at night too,
when the world is finally quiet again and his mind stopped processing
everything he's seen and experienced throughout the day.
He's dying to know if Dean lies in bed, unable to find any rest because there's
something missing. Something he can't quite put a finger on, because he's
talked to Seth all day and shouldn't regret his absence at all. If he touches
himself, closing his eyes to imagine Seth next to him.
Just like he does almost every night.
                     I'm allergic to straight everything.
What an adorable jerk. Another message that tells him nothing at all. Dean is
very good at keeping his secrets. Too good.
Seth sighs and puts his phone in his jeans pocket, only to fish it out a second
later. Dean has written him again, maybe to finally answer his initial
question. No, no chance. The other has already moved on, asking Seth if he
wants to check out this new diner at the Interstate 5 once he's back cause he
heard they have a mean grilled chilly cheese burger and the best milkshakes in
the state.
He doesn't even have to think twice about it before saying yes. Seth will count
that as a date and no one will ever convince him otherwise.
It's not a miracle that the following week flies by and before he knows it,
Dean is back, standing in front of Seth's door, asking for him to come eat that
promised dinner. Seth gapes at the man and reaches out to jab Dean in the chest
– just to make sure he's really there.
'I thought you wouldn't be in town before Sunday.' Dean still has five more
days before he has to go back to work. The other cocks his eyebrows and bats
Seth's finger away because he keeps on touching Dean, not convinced his
lovesick mind isn't making this up. 'I can leave again, but you agreed to the
burger and I'm really hungry.'
Yeah. Nonetheless, Seth isn't ready for that date yet. He hasn't had any time
to prepare anything or to make himself look half decent. Right now, he's
wearing old and baggy sweatpants, as well as a nothing is true, everything is
permitted Assassin's Creed shirt with sleeves so long that only Seth's
fingertips can be seen.
And he doesn't even want to think about the unruly bun he tied his hair into
when he came home from Cyberfights an hour ago. He's a mess but Dean doesn't
mind. He'd take Seth with him, even in this outfit, because for him things like
that don't matter.
Still, compared to Dean – who's clad in blue jeans, a dark green v-neck and a
new, gray leather jacket – he looks like a couch potato. 'Give me five
minutes,' Seth pleads, trying to push Dean back outside before his family
catches sight of him, but the other is way stronger.
It's not that he's ashamed of Dean; it's more that he doesn't want his parents
to see him and go all hands off my son on him. Or even worse, they would show
how little they actually care about Seth.
Wait, Dean knows that already. No need to hide anything from him. He surely has
heard everything at Lita's, which is probably why he steps into the house as if
he owns the place, waving his concern off. 'Please, I'd die to see the rest of
your feel-good wardrobe,' Dean chuckles while eyeing his shirt before he winks
at him. 'Novice.'
Seth just exasperatedly throws his hands in the air – congratulating himself
for falling for another gamer – and tugs Dean along towards the stairs, keeping
his head down as if that could help him walk through the house unseen. They
just reached the first step when his dad claims with a steady, calm voice,
'It's school night, so don't come back too late.'
And suddenly the whole family is surrounding them, like moths being drawn to a
flame and Seth suppresses an enervated sigh. This is going to be unpleasant for
both of them and he really wishes he could have saved Dean from this.
'Aren't you a bit too old to be his friend?' Sophie asks, her tone bored and
inquisitive at the same time. And she makes the word friend sound like an
insult. For a split second, Seth is reminded of all the weeks Roman treated him
like the bad guy of the story. Dean shakes it all off effortlessly, like water
off a duck's back.
'Wow,' he deadpans, looking down at his little sister, 'that's so non-
judgmental.' Seth stops dead in his tracks, watching his friend with mild
interest. Seems like nothing can faze him, not even bratty girls trying to
denounce him. He wishes he'd have as much zen as Dean.
His mom laughs nervously and puts her hands on Sophie's shoulders. 'She's just
kidding. Seth never brings his friends home.' Well, other than Jeff, Matt and
Lita he hardly has any. Dean smiles, but it's frozen and distant and so unlike
him.
'I wonder why.' Aw, Dean is going in defense mode for Seth's sake. He's
swooning on the inside until he sees the snarky look on his sister's face. He
knows she's going to say another hurtful or degrading thing the moment she
opens her mouth.
'Cause he doesn't have any. Always busy learning or jacking off.' Whoa, girl,
that hit home. Verbal low blow. No need to shove that right in Deans face –
even if he must have had the same thought once or twice already. After all,
Seth still is a teenager and a human being, and as such he has some basic
needs.
Dean shrugs and beams at him, his stone cold mask cracking for a breathtaking
moment. 'A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.' So this is what it's like if
the other pretends to be his boyfriend. Seth totally could get used to it.
Being treated like a person that matters feels amazing.
If there wouldn't be any witnesses he'd fling his arms around Dean's neck and
never let go again.
'Sophie,' his mom hisses with a forced smile on her lips, trying to push her
back into the living room. It's bad enough that his big brother Sam is standing
in the doorway, glaring daggers at Dean, mouth pressed into a thin line. Why is
he even still here at this late hour?
'So, you too work at the architect's office?' his mom asks to end the awkward
silence and Seth instantly panics. He hasn't told Dean about his lie yet, so
it's no surprise when his friend answers truthfully, 'No, I'm a simple po–'
The whole world stops, Seth standing there, watching weirdly fascinated how
Dean is about to reveal he's starring in adult movies that revolve around the
wrestling business. He sees Dean's lip move, unable to stop him because deep
down, he's always wanted to emotionally scar his parents the worst way
possible. And this is a pretty good start.
'He's a pizza delivery guy, isn't that so?' Sam interrupts his crush, walking
up to them as he keeps on staring into Dean's eyes, willing the man to shut up.
Seth's heart beats like crazy and he's completely devastated because his big
brother just made sure no one knows about Dean's true job. Seth wanted, needs
them to know.
But wait a second; how does he know who the other is? 'I've seen you around
campus when I was in college.' Pfft, Sam isn't a really good liar, yet Dean's
fine to play along for now. He leans against the wall next to Seth, half of his
body protected by the man and he feels oddly touched by this simple gesture.
'Must've been me then, if you say so.' He can't see Dean's face anymore but
judging by the stiff smile that appears on Sam's he's most likely grinning –
signaling his brother that he only holds back the truth because Seth hasn't
given him the okay to make everyone see red yet.
Honestly, if this continues, Seth might even ask Dean to take him right here in
front of his family's eyes.
Sam most likely knows what's going on in his head, stepping around Dean
cautiously, grabbing his elbow while announcing, 'Seth, why don't I help you
upstairs? I assume you can wait a minute.' 'Not going anywhere without hot
stuff here.'
Seth blushes happily and smirks at his, well, he guesses they're really friends
now – his first comprehensive victory –, following his brother who stomps
angrily through the house. The loud sound reminds him of the first time he met
Roman in person and his brain immediately makes a connection between two very
pissed off, overly protective brothers.
Thankfully Roman proved to be way nicer than Sam, even if he's still torn
between liking Seth and keeping him at bay.
He's halfway up the stairs when his sister's voice rings out, making him freeze
with a hand on the rail, left foot in the air. 'So, how did you two meet?' she
asks, her voice suspicious, as if she still has trouble to believe he found
another person that likes him – she hates Jeff, calls him a freak because he's
an adrenaline junkie and has rainbow-colored hair as well as various tattoos.
Seth can't help it, he has to turn around and crouch down to see Dean, to hear
his answer. He's completely taken aback when he catches the bright smirk on the
other's lips. It looks as if the memory alone makes him light-hearted.
'Saw him walk out of your house while I was stalking someone in the
neighborhood,' Dean jokes but no one laughs, so he shrugs and tries again. 'At
Lita's,' his friend says instead, thankfully not revealing the whole truth. His
parents would lose it if they'd know a grown up man observed Seth for... how
long did Dean know him before Seth made the first move? 'He ran into me three
times in the span of maybe five minutes.'
Sophie huffs out a sardonic laugh, muttering loud enough for him to hear,
'Sounds like our klutz.' Dean chuckles, but it's not a nice sound. Actually,
it's more of a warning that makes Seth dash upstairs – so he can finally change
and get out of here –, grinning like a fool.
The smile dies the moment he sees his brother standing in front of his room
though, arms crossed over his chest, brown eyes piercing right through him.
Before he can say anything, Sam pushes him into his bedroom and closes the
door, hissing, 'Your first boyfriend is a fucking porn star?'
Now hold on, a job does not define someone. 'He's not my b– how do you know him
anyway?' Don't tell him his happily married brother is secretly watching gay
porn too. That'd be the biggest upset in the Rollins family history and would
even top Seth fake-dating Dean. He can't take that away from him too.
Sam looks back at the door, as if he fears someone might listen in on them and
lowers his voice, answering hastily, 'Well, I had to check what I'm lending you
money for every month. You can consider yourself lucky I don't have a nosy
wife.' Honestly, Seth couldn't care less. He never liked his sister-in-law
anyway, that braindead Barbie double.
'So I looked up that website and found some of your boy-toy's videos. Do you
even know how risky it is to date a porn actor? And how old is he, for fuck's
sake?' That went from funny to insulting in a horribly short amount of time.
And why does he even care?
Dean's only seven years older. No need to stir up drama. It's not like the man
does anything against Seth's will. And besides, they haven't even done anything
yet. He also doubts they ever will, but he's working on that. Not that Sam
needs to know. It's Seth's life, for heaven's sake. He can do whatever he
wants.
'Sammy, I really like him. Please don't ruin this for me.' He can't believe he
even resorts to begging because Dean and their friendship mean so much to him.
If his own brother screws this up, Seth won't ever forgive him.
Sam shakes his head, obviously not impressed by his words or hard stare. 'I
don't care, Seth. He's a porn star. No matter how reputable the company, it
stays classic porn. That's some weird shit you're into.'
'By weird you mean sick and disgusting, don't you?' It's sad that his own flesh
and blood doesn't even try to understand him. 'Why is everyone telling me that
I can't be with him?' Which bothers him the most, to be honest. He can fathom
why Roman is doing it, but his own brother who should do everything to ensure
Seth is content? No, that he doesn't get.
'Because you shouldn't, Seth,' Sam accuses him, harshly grabbing him by the
shoulders, as if spitting this in his face will make Seth see the light. 'This
is insane. He's clearly a lot older, his career is more than questionable, you
are seventeen, the perfect jailbait and you think you're in love with someone
you watch fucking other guys to jerk off.'
Okay, Seth has to admit that he has ignored that part of their life so far,
because he's still not sure how to handle Dean sleeping with other people – no
matter if it's his job or not. He knows he'll have to deal with it at one point
but he still hopes that Dean will give it all up the moment those wrestling
companies accept him. A guy can still dream.
'You haven't even come out to your own family yet. How do you think you can
explain dating a male hooker? Because that's what he is. Getting paid to fuck.'
Seth's brain shuts down the moment his brother closes his mouth. He can't
believe what he just heard, what Sam dared to call one of his closest friends.
Even if he would know what to say to that, he feels like every word would be a
waste of breath. Right now, he doesn't even want to be in the same room as his
brother, so he frees himself from Sam's iron grip and storms down the stairs to
wrap his fingers gently around Dean's wrist and tug him out of this place.
Dean waves his family goodbye and lets Seth guide him to his car. The other
deliberately waits until his mother has closed the front door with a frown on
her face before he addresses Seth's distress. And because it's Dean he doesn't
say I thought you wanted to change or everything alright?, which, for some
reason, is so relieving. All his crush whispers is a tender, 'You look like you
need a friend.'
He does. Usually, he'd grab his bike and seek out Jeff now but he doesn't want
to leave Dean's calming presence. And he is only so upset and rattled because
of something that is directly linked to the man, so Seth wants to stay and get
rid of the words haunting him.
Nothing more than a male hooker. Getting paid to fuck. Sam picked the only
thing that is somewhat dubious about Dean before even making the effort to get
to know him. He judged Dean because of his profession and some videos he found
online. Seriously, he thought his brother would at least try to figure out why
Seth is so smitten with him.
There is so much more to Dean Ambrose than meets the eye. He's funny,
charismatic, sarcastic, unpredictable, easy-going, caring, helpful, determined,
kind. He knows when to keep his mouth shut and when to stand up and raise his
voice. All of that means nothing to Sam, simply because Dean works at
Cyberfights.
He's seriously disappointed – only now realizing that he did hope at least one
member of his family would side with him. A single tear runs down his cheek the
moment he sits in the car, his body shaking in anger, and breathes in air that
smells painfully like Dean. After everything he's just been through, it's too
much for him to bear.
He hears the engine coming to life and spares one last glance back at the
house, seeing his brother stare dissatisfied down at him out of his own window.
That's it. That picture there is the last straw.
'You wanna talk?' Dean tries to comfort him but Seth has other things in mind.
Now, more than ever, he wants to take the man up on his offer. Not only to grow
closer together but also to alienate his family. He's so done with their
judgmental and neglecting bullshit.
So he whips his head around and practically screams at Dean, 'Be my boyfriend.'
He regrets the sharp tone the moment he's done but thankfully Dean doesn't take
it the wrong way. Considerate. Yet another thing on the pro-Dean list he should
write his awful brother.
Or actually, he shouldn't even have to think about convincing his relatives.
That's how things should go in a normal family. Sam should respect his
decision, not try to run Dean down.
His friend looks at him, face unreadable – he understands how strange his
request must sound, so Seth backpedals a bit. 'I-in school.' No, forever.
'Please, tell them. Tell everyone. Even my family. Especiallymy family. And
then tell them what you do for a living.'
He doesn't care about showing off anymore or getting back at the jocks making
each day a living hell. All he wants to prove to the world is that he can make
his own decisions, that he knows what he's doing, that this is his life, his
story. It'll go the way he wants it or he'll die trying.
Dean drives over a red light – no wonder he gets so many tickets – and Seth
can't stop himself from clearing his throat in a reprimanding way. There's no
reason whatsoever to endanger either himself, Seth or other road users. Even if
they're the only ones driving through the streets right now. Living in
Manhattan Beach has its advantages.
He didn't think that Dean would slow the car down, but the other does without
complaining or rolling his eyes at Seth. Instead of hearing some excuses about
his style of driving, Dean simply wants to know one thing. 'What happened up
there?' He's not answering Seth's plea. Why does he hesitate now? Did Roman
talk him out of it? Did he even share this with his best friend? Gosh, Seth
still knows so little about the man.
'I really don't want to talk about it,' he admits and looks out of the window,
grateful that they're headed towards the Interstate instead of going somewhere
in the heart of the city. 'So, will you help me?'
Dean doesn't question Seth's reasons, just nods and pats him on the knee. 'Sure
thing.'
The diner is a lovely place and the food is amazing, but Seth can barely eat a
thing. He is still so upset that his stomach protests too. To be honest, he
only takes some small bites because Dean paid for the burger and milkshake and
he doesn't want to disappoint his friend.
They don't talk; Seth assumes that he looks too miserable to be able to engage
in a conversation and he hates himself for ruining this date. But Sam's words
just keep popping up unforbidden in his head and he flinches every time his
brother calls Dean a slut.
As they nibble at their food – Seth rather unenthusiastically – he dreads the
time this will be over and Dean will drive him back home again. He's not
exactly in the mood to face his family or Sam and his wrath tonight. He should
call Jeff and ask if he can crash at his place for a couple of days. Or
forever.
He should. Yet he doesn't move to get his phone out, because there's still one
option that would be infinitely better than asking his best friend.
Dean does not even need to point it out, it must be obvious that he would
rather burn in hell than go back home after what happened there; and Seth can't
believe his luck when the other drives back a different way than they've come.
He's bringing them Downtown, parking in front of a huge building that has seen
better days.
'Welcome to my humble abode,' Dean announces with an insecure grin as he pushes
open the door to his apartment. Seth has no clue why he should be nervous about
his home; it's tiny and surprisingly clean, except for the dishes in the sink
and a pile of dirty clothes in front of Dean's bed.
Seth makes sure to not stare too long into the bedroom and continues his walk
through the flat. He can't help but wonder why there are almost no personal
items standing around. There is only one framed photograph of him and Roman –
both of them smiling into the camera as if there's no tomorrow, the sun shining
down on them. He treasures the image and saves it in his memory, because he
really likes Dean looking all carefree and innocent.
Other than that, Seth can only see a shelf full of books, DVDs, BluRays and
video games. No family pictures, no paintings on the walls, not even a toasted
plant. Nothing. If he didn't know it any better, he'd suggest that Dean moved
in recently, but this has been his address ever since he started working for
Cyberfights.
'Want a beer?' Dean asks, shrugging off his shoes to walk over to the small
kitchenette. Seth throws him an exasperated glance, muttering, 'I'm seventeen.'
He hates how he just had to remind the other of that little fact again. It's
not like this evening wasn't already horrible enough.
'Not a cop,' he hears Dean answer while he flops down on the couch to draw his
knees close and hug them as tight as he can. He should get wasted – which would
be his first time – but Dean sits down next to him with only one bottle before
he can voice his thought. Another ruined chance.
Maybe it's for the best, since he'd probably only embarrass himself or jump his
friend in a drunk state; and he doesn't want to ruin this tentative thing
between them.
Dean sips his drink with an ease Seth can only be jealous of, since he
practically feels like he's going to combust any moment now. The words are
crawling up his throat, begging for release and before he knows it, he lets
them all out, getting everything off his chest.
While he rambles on about his family and how they don't give a damn about him
because he's the middle child and smart enough to be left to his own devices
Dean listens intently, the bottle of beer standing forgotten on the table,
condensed water forming a ring around it.
Seth even tells him about the times he had to see a child psychiatrist, since
he'd been displaying behavioral problems as a kid, which started around the
time Sophie was born. Of course, a two year old infant couldn't understand why,
all of a sudden, everyone completely ignored it, so the child did everything in
its power to make sure people saw or heard it.
Sophie had been the sweet newborn and Sam the well-behaved son, which made
Seth's actions look even more rampant. At the age of seven, he finally
understood that this was his life. Five years of fighting led him nowhere;
burying his nose in books, learning and being good in school made him feel
important and alive too. Instead of his parents, his teachers were proud of
him.
What he couldn't get from his mother and father, he obtained elsewhere. And
whenever he was stuck at home, he fled into an imaginary world, into his safety
zone.
Even though Dean has most likely heard this at Lita's already, Seth can't stop
himself from lamenting about the guys at school, who are like miniature, meaner
versions of his kin. Just because Seth isn't interested in all their stuff –
like sharing their latest sexcapades or football and all that pretend manly
crap – doesn't mean he's a lesser human being.
Why can't people just leave him alone? He never bothers anyone either.
Sometimes he thinks it'd be better if he would just disappear.
Dean runs his fingers gently through his hair, stopping Seth's monologue.
'Don't go down that road,' the other whispers and Seth looks up, but Dean is
averting his gaze; there's no way he would ever miss the sadness in his
friend's eyes though. He sounds like he knows how that feels like, has been at
this point at least once in his life too.
The moment is gone before Seth can even blink and Dean's mask slips back on.
The curiosity is burning him from the inside, but Seth is pretty sure that now
is not the right time to ask what happened.
So he tries to smile bravely and declares that he's genuinely happy ever since
he started to work at Cyberfights, because by now most people treat him like an
equal there. The only thing weirding him out a bit is Roman.
Dean chuckles at that, heaving himself up, yawning heartily. 'It's late, we
should sleep.' Seth nods, feeling utterly spent the moment he heard the word
late. It's been a rough night, but he's glad he finally had a chance to talk to
someone about his family.
He doesn't even think about the sleeping arrangement, just trots into the
bedroom as if Dean invited him to it. 'Alright, sleepy head, I'll take the
couch.' He should feel sorry for banishing Dean to the sofa, but he never said
they couldn't lie in the same bed.
He slips into a too big shirt Dean hands him, not bothering about decency while
changing, and crawls under the covers, taking a deep breath as soon as his head
hits the pillows.
Dean's scent is everywhere and he's sure it'll lull him into a peaceful
slumber.
He doesn't even hear the door being closed, already drifting off, his mind
convincing him he's in heaven. The next time he opens his eyes, it's still dark
outside yet the city is pretty much alive. He can hear cars honking and people
shouting down on the street.
Even though he's not used to this much noise at night, it's not the thing
keeping him awake. The bed is so comfortable; the couch isn't. And Dean is
lying there, a few feet away from him, curled up into a ball because of its
small size while he rests on the huge mattress, able to stretch his whole body.
There's plenty of room for both of them, but Seth still has to suppress a
giggle because Dean had been so courteous to leave his own sleeping place to a
teenager that has a huge crush on him. Dean really doesn't know what nerves are
and Seth loves it.
Around three though, something very cute and magical happens. Seth has spent
the last hour trying to decide whether he should wake his friend and offer to
switch places when he hears the other get up and clumsily walk to the bathroom.
A flush of the toilet and one hand washing later the bedroom door opens and
Dean grunts before he falls down on the bed, clearly already asleep again.
Seth is no fool, he knows Dean came in here because his body is used to it and
at this time of the night it's running solely on muscle memory, but he still
can't stop smiling when he pulls the cover over them and gives Dean a small
peck on the cheek before he finally feels exhaustion conquering him once more.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Summary
     'You wanna have a small role in one of my segments?'
Chapter Notes
     Thanks to all who keep me in their minds. My health hasn't improved
     yet but I try to stay positive. As for LTWK and Payback, you know I
     want to deliver and I'm sure something write-worthy will happen but I
     can't promise anything. Or at least not so soon. Like I said, if
     something Shield-ish happens, I will write about it. I just don't
     know when. Please understand this. As for FIO, I can update regularly
     (I hope) since I have the next eleven or so chapters already
     finished. They just need some editing. So don't be surprised when I
     update this story but not my baby. Love you all and I'll shut up now
     <3
                         Act Nine: don't veer for deer
He stirs, his consciousness slowly coming back to life after sleeping soundly
for several hours. In Dean's bed. With Dean next to him. A real dream come
true.
Okay, to be fair his crush initially decided to spend the night on the couch,
but Seth is generous enough to disregard this little, insignificant detail.
Dean is still fast asleep, cheek pressed against the deep blue pillow, his face
looking even more relaxed than usual.
Seth props himself up on his elbow, swallowing hard to build up enough courage
to tuck Dean's hair behind his ear. He would have loved to enjoy this peaceful
moment a while longer, but of course his friend wakes up and blinks confused.
'Sorry,' the other mumbles, voice rough and low and Seth sinks back on the
mattress, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
'Don't be. It's your bed after all.' Dean groans and rubs over his eyes,
squinting at the light blinding him. Seth thinks he looks beautiful,
illuminated by the morning sun, little traces of the pillow marking his soft
skin, his hair in total disarray. He could wake up to this sight every morning
for the rest of his life.
'I didn't do anything inappropriate.' It's supposed to be a question, but it
still sounds petulant, as if Dean wants to prove to himself that he's a good
guy and would never take advantage of Seth. 'Not yet, no,' he shoots back,
wondering if one of them touched the other in their sleep.
Dean sighs a bit exasperated, muttering defensively, 'No virgins.' 'Who said I
want to lose it to you?' His friend yawns and stretches his limbs before he
flicks Seth lightly against the forehead. There's no need to say anything since
they both know how desperate Seth is to have intercourse and how much he longs
for Dean to be the one.
'You're my boyfriend now,' he whispers, aiming for a seductive tone but Dean
only huffs, closing his eyes again while pushing the covers off of him. He
remains in the bed though, so Seth suspects it's safe to try and persuade him
some more.
'There are a lot of things we could do without getting you in jail.' Dean's
eyes snap open at the suggestion and he glares at Seth; the moment dragging on
until he can't bear it anymore. He's about to apologize when the man mutters a
slightly angry, 'Fine. Have it your way.'
And with that he traps Seth under him, staring down at him hard and
inquisitive. When Seth nods shyly yet encouragingly, Dean disappears from his
view, gliding down his body, surely intending to work on him with his mouth. A
few amazing heartbeats Seth anticipates the hot wetness of it, but his friend
hesitates and shakes his head – he can see the movement beneath the covers and
disappointment spreads through him.
Instead of jumping out of the bed, like Seth thought he would, Dean simply
rests one hand on Seth's chest and uses the other arm to stabilize himself, so
he won't plop down on him with all his weight. 'You look good in my shirt,' he
watches Dean's lip move but the meaning of those words elude him. All he can
concentrate on are these endless blue eyes staring right at his soul.
Since he's not answering, the other smiles lopsidedly and pulls Seth's shirt
up, gaze roaming over his unimpressive chest and stomach. At least the sight is
nothing compared to Dean's well-defined body. 'You look even better without
it.' He appreciates the lie, even grins up at the man because this compliment
does warm the cockles of his heart.
'With boyfriend activities I didn't mean you appreciating my teenage features,'
Seth finally is able to squeeze out, his voice breaking. So much for sounding
alluring. He still has a lot to learn.
'So impatient,' Dean chides him and finally the hand on his belly moves down.
Not to sneak its way under his boxer shorts – no, why go the straightforward
way when he can make Seth go over the edge all by himself? – but to run a
single, terribly teasing fingertip over the bulge in his pants. This man is
going to kill him and Seth loves every second of it.
Dean hums thoughtfully and licks his lips agonizingly slow; Seth's body
twitches, eager to skip the foreplay so they'll get to the interesting part.
For a moment he contemplates guiding Dean's hand to where it should be right
now – inside his pants and on his hot, prickling skin – but then the other
bends down until their noses are touching.
He's going to kiss him. Dean I always try to not be too close to you Ambrose
has thrown caution in the wind and is full on intending to make out with him. A
needy, way too obstinate and relentless teenager. But who is he to complain,
right? With Dean about to brush his lips over Seth's own and all that.
Accepting this boyfriend offer was the best decision Seth ever made. Even if he
only did it because his own brother calls Dean a worthless piece of trash that
takes money in return for sexual favors. A job is a job and not everyone is so
lucky to make use of their parents' good contacts. Besides, Dean is happy with
what he's doing.
And Seth is more than content with the way things are moving forward between
them. 'Would you, just once, stop your brain from trying to control
everything?' Dean jolts him back from his thoughts, warm breath ghosting over
his dry mouth.
'Sorry,' he mumbles, cheeks flushing red. Even at a moment like this, he can't
stop his mind from doing some overtime. Dean grins and softly shakes his head,
pointing at his lips. 'I bet you a handjob I can make it all stop with these.'
No, this is not fair. He wants that no matter what happens.
'You'll just give me the most awful kiss ever, so you won't win this bet.' Dean
laughs, his hand playing around with the hem of Seth's boxers. 'Why would I do
such a horrible thing?' Oh, he could name at least fifteen reasons for that,
the most obvious and nagging one being that he's actually taken and just likes
to fool around with him.
Maybe he and Roman keep their relationship hidden, because the Samoan is
married. That'd explain the jealousy and disapproval of Seth.
'You're still doing it,' he gets reprimanded again and this time, Dean doesn't
let him grasp another thought. The other shuts his mouth and brain up by
putting his lips on Seth's while his fingers pull the fabric of his pants down.
'So I have to help you, I guess,' Dean murmurs and Seth closes his eyes, unable
to comprehend what's happening.
He hears himself moan and his whole body turns to stone the moment there's an
amused chuckle. Wait a second. Where did Dean go? Why is there no weight
pushing him down anymore, pinning him to the bed?
Seth barely dares to take a peek, realization dawning on him. Didn't he say it?
He always wakes up when it gets juicy. But this time he dragged something from
his dream with him into reality and Dean is sitting on the mattress right next
to him, cross-legged and struggling to keep his posture. How long has he been
there, watching him dream?
He can't believe that Dean is just looking at him with this delighted sparkle
in his eyes, biting on his bottom lip to not burst out laughing. 'My, my, I'm
flattered,' the other can't hold back the inappropriate remark and Seth groans
embarrassed, hiding mortified under the covers with the intention to only get
out of bed if Dean leaves the room.
There's a gentle clap on his right shoulder before his crush takes the blanket
away from him. It's not like he could conceal his boner with it anyway. Even
though he's ashamed and frozen in terror, Seth has a second to spare and be
thankful for Dean's bluntness, his unwillingness to complicate things.
Somehow he finds the strength to mock the man with a flippant, 'Who said you're
the reason for that?' He shouldn't have asked. Much to his chagrin, the smirk
on Dean's face turns downright wicked. 'You really wanna know?' No. He's
probably moaned Dean's name in his sleep and the thought alone is enough to
wish he could get up, open the widow and jump out of it.
'It's your fault. You wandered into the bed,' Seth gripes, frantically
searching for his dignity. He must have left that at home last night. Dean
seems completely unperturbed by his accusation, a tad proud even, and takes his
shirt off.
Seth has no clue where this is going, trepidation crawling up his spine as some
kind of warning signal. He flinches when his friend proclaims with a sly smile,
'Want me to take care of the mess I made? Now that I'm your sorta boyfriend.' A
silent moment passes in which Seth has to blink confused, not sure if Dean's
making fun of him or not.
The seconds tick by without anything happening. Seth isn't even sure if he's
breathing at all. He can still feel Dean's lips on his own, the false memory so
strong that he unconsciously reaches up to his face and touches them. Dean
follows his movement like a cat that's ready to either attack or graciously let
its prey go and suddenly Seth knows what to do.
He rolls his eyes, prompting, 'Only if it's quid pro quo.' Dean nods and stands
up, the mattress dipping dangerously to the side. The other jumps down to the
floor, way too energetic for his liking. Especially because he's only so
chipper at Seth's expense.
'Touché,' Dean retorts, the teasing spark in his eyes lighting up again. 'Want
me to shadow-wrestle for you?' Alluding to his usual masturbation ritual; yeah,
very grown up. Seth can jerk off without watching Jon Moxley in action, thank
you very much. He hasn't done it so far, but he really shouldn't massage Dean's
ego even more.
'Oh, shut up,' he grunts loudly and throws a pillow after Dean before he
awkwardly flees into the bathroom, the sound of the other's charming snickering
following him all day.
He hasn't seen his co-worker since then, which helped him calm down
considerably. The fact that Dean was not the least surprised or appalled by
Seth's erection is, so far, the biggest mystery. He's so chill about
everything, as if he knows that nothing can ever go wrong as long as he's
having his fun.
Seth really envies that attitude, especially because he's a compulsive over-
thinker.
But with Dean agreeing to play his boyfriend he does have so much to ponder
over. Like, how will they pull this off? So far Dean hasn't even hugged him,
only cradled his hair or touched his cheek. As partners they need to do way
more than that in front of other people, so this whole charade has the desired
effect.
Can he just walk up to his crush and demand to make out? Because he would love
to argue that they should get used to it before they try and fool the rest of
the world. And does his friend need a plan of some sort to help Seth come out
to his family?
So many questions and no Dean to help answer them.
How convenient that the man he wants to see the most right now knocks against
the doorframe and strides into the room, a grin almost splitting his face in
half. Dean whistles and hops onto Seth's desk, running his hand over its
surface. 'So, I come back and you're a PA. Next time I'm gone you're gonna sit
in Trips' office, managing this place.'
Seth huffs and leans back in his chair, taking in Dean's amused glance. It hits
him completely out of nowhere and without anything special happening, but he's
suddenly overwhelmed by the longing to embrace the other in his arms; to hold
him close and never let him go again.
Probably because Dean said something about leaving and next time and Seth
seriously doesn't want to spend another month without him.
He doesn't act on his wish, just looks around his relatively new office – he's
moved in two weeks ago – sighing, 'Don't exaggerate. Rome offered me a position
down here and guess what, I'm getting paid now.' He even has a contract and all
that.
Dean nods approvingly, though also a bit teasingly and his next words are fully
intended to rile him up. 'Congrats. You okay with all the action?' He gives his
best not to turn as red as a tomato, both of them very vividly remembering what
happened in Dean's bed a few days ago.
He is bold enough to stare right in the other's bright eyes, mouth opening to
grit out something that can't decide if it's supposed to be sassy or sarcastic.
'I'm not jizzing my pants every five minutes, if that's what you're concerned
about.'
Dean is unimpressed, leaning forward to breathe against Seth's skin, 'You
haven't seen me shoot yet.' Don't remind him of that dreaded piece of beauty.
That was the sole reason he panicked the night after Roman offered him this
change of atmosphere.
After the initial happiness that he'd finally escaped the fiery pits of hell –
being Rome's personal butler – ebbed away, he realized that sooner or later
he'd have to watch Dean sleep with other people. Live. With no place to run,
nowhere to hide.
He's not quite sure how he'll manage this, but he hopes he won't have a mental
breakdown the moment he has to sit next to the producer and keep still while
some guy gets to have all the things he wants.
'I told you once and I meant it. Don't flatter yourself,' he mutters
distractedly, his brother's words assaulting him at the worst possible moment
yet again. Why does it hurt him so much that Sam thinks Dean is nothing more
than a hooker? He fears the longer he thinks about this, the harder it'll be to
ignore that little grain of truth in everything his brother said.
His friend grins cockily down at him, not aware of his disturbing train of
thoughts. 'You also told me that four is destiny. And that's the exact number
of times you've licked your lips and looked at my dick ever since I mentioned
me having sex while you're right there, watching.'
Shit, really? He didn't even realize. Okay, he seriously needs to deflect now
because otherwise this conversation will lead to Seth spilling the beans about
what happened Wednesday evening in his parents' home.
'Your ego–' 'Is the size of a melon,' Dean interrupts him, smile spreading
wider over his face. It's impossible to not mirror it, especially since he
thinks that this is the second one the man has reserved only for him. Which
means Seth leads with 2-to-1 against Roman. Not that this is a competition or,
ah, who's he kidding? He loves beating Roman in any way possible.
'And your brain is the size of a walnut,' Seth says belatedly and Dean reaches
out to give his mouth a gentle squeeze – it reminds him a bit of his
grandmother pinching his cheeks –, all the while teasing him, 'You and your
adorable pouty lips. No, seriously, I came here for a reason.'
Seth crosses his legs, too scared that he might humiliate himself once more if
his friend keeps on being this touchy-feely. A few minutes ago, he complained
about not getting touched enough and now he's too overwhelmed by it. He really
doesn't know what he wants.
'To embarrass me?' he sighs, rubbing over his lips when Dean releases them.
God, he wishes he'd have a clue how to ask for a kiss since he has the perfect
excuse to beg for one. Dean's pretty open-minded and always up for a good joke;
Seth however feels like he's not yet earned the privilege to be rewarded with
one.
He's so stupid sometimes.
Dean smiles down at him, giving his chair a tiny kick so Seth drifts off a bit
to the left. 'That is my favorite pastime, though you mostly manage that all on
your own.' It's in his genes or something. Maybe he's adopted and his real
parents are King and Queen Clumsy. Sadly, the family resemblance is undeniable
though.
'No, I'm here to propose to you.' Propose. Dean sought him out to– Seth chokes
on air and coughs violently, tears shooting to his eyes. 'What?' he croaks,
feeling woozy and overjoyed at the same time. At least until he hears Dean
laugh out loud.
'See? So easy.' No proposal then? Not that he would flat-out marry the man –
they still have a long way to go before that – but who says they couldn't make
a spontaneous decision and see how things work out? He'd even have accepted a
pretend marriage; all to shock his uptight family.
One would think that their profession would make them more non-judgmental and
swinging.
Seth rolls his eyes, unable to hide his disappointment. He is not quite sure
what he expected when he agreed to let Dean be his fake boyfriend but he did
hope for more action. Though he knows that – from Dean's point of view – he
only has to be affectionate towards him whenever they're around those people
Seth wants to impress, shut up or alienate.
So technically, his crush isn't doing anything wrong. Seth should have made his
intentions clearer. Hindsight is easier than foresight.
The mood shifts and Seth can feel that the time for jokes is over. Seems as if
Dean seriously did come here to talk to him about something. 'I'm all ears,' he
says and grips the desk to pull up the chair again, curious as to what Dean
could possibly want from him.
When the other opens his mouth next, Seth is a hundred percent sure he's
hallucinating. His mind wants to tell him that Dean just asked, completely
earnest, 'You wanna have a small role in one of my segments?' Dead silence
makes Seth's ears ring unpleasantly. Somewhere deep down inside he knows he
should reply, but he's too shell-shocked to even think straight.
Astonishingly, he's not scared because of the offer – he actually thinks it's
pretty sweet that his friend wants to include him in his work. No, he's worried
if he'll be able to not bash Dean's shooting partner's brains in.
He cocks his head and sizes Dean up. No matter how long he waits, the other
won't take his words back, just sits in front of him without batting an eye. He
means it; Dean wants Seth to be there. Is this his definition of fake
boyfriends bonding activities?
'How small?' Being there in person still beats sitting here, biting his
fingernails, knowing that just down the hall someone whose name is not Seth
Rollins gets to touch Dean. At least he hopes it'll be better.
Dean nods satisfied, humming shortly before he says, 'I thought you could be
the referee.' He could. Seth knows all the rules, thanks to Roman, Jimmy and
Marek. But he's never done it before, so he's not quite sure he's the right guy
to get thrown into the cold water. On the other hand, he has to learn to swim
one day, so why not start now?
'Rome okay with that?' Roman fine with anything they're doing these days? Like
sleeping in the same bed, going out together, pretending to be boyfriends. He's
pretty sure the Samoan would behead both of them if he'd have a clue about
what's really going on.
He smiles down at his lap when the thought that Dean keeps him a secret hits
him. The other two share literally everything, but Dean doesn't want Roman to
know about them.
His friend scoffs, rolling his eyes at him while sliding down the desk. He's
coming awfully close and Seth still has to get his chubby under control. All
this talk about watching Dean having sex right in front of him is not exactly
helpful. They should keep on talking about Roman.
That'll definitely kill his libido. Hopefully. Okay, maybe not really. The man
is very handsome after all.
'Ro doesn't have a say in that. My gig, my request. Trips gave me his
permission.' Hold all the wild horses for a second. He is not able to keep up
with all the information Dean is bombarding him with.
'Your request,' he parrots helplessly, the words short-circuiting his brain.
Dean wants to torment – or maybe test – him with this. He even talked to Hunter
about it, ignored Roman's pleas to stay away from the kid, just so he can have
his way.
Seth better pass this trial or he'll never be able to look Dean in the eye
again.
'Yup,' his friend replies, clapping him on the shoulder only to let his hand
linger there; the touch not long enough to mean anything, but refreshing
nonetheless. 'Now that you work down here in the harem, you need to loosen up.
Fast.'
So that is what this is all about? Seth finally getting the experience he came
here for? This is more than just unsatisfying. Then again, Dean could be
deceiving him, not yet ready to reveal his ulterior motive. If he has one. God,
Seth can't read the man one bit and it's driving him nuts.
'Are you trying to turn me into the next big thing?' He looks around
suspiciously, a faint trace of mockery in his voice and Dean grins. 'I'm sure
you'd be the undisputed, living, breathing future of Cyberfights, but no. Sorry
to let you down. Just thought you'd like to do it as a part of your rebel
thing.'
Oh, his parents would so throw him out of their life if they ever find out he
starred in a porn movie. Or adult show, to be more precise. A wrestling-porn-
entertainment show. How do the people here define this company? Anyhow, he
calls bullshit on that one. Yes, Seth loves to spite his family but there's
more to this.
'No,' he shakes his head and stands up too, noting cheerfully that Dean doesn't
step back. For a moment he panics, remembering his not-complete hard-on, but a
discreet check through his jeans pockets calms all his worries. He's good to
go. 'You know me better than that. So, you're totally aware of the fact that
I'll see this as a challenge and that my pride forbids me to back down.'
His friend holds up his hands defensively, his fingertips brushing over the end
of his hair on accident, a bright smile making him look five years younger. 'I
know no such things.' Has he ever mentioned how much he loves to bicker and
banter with Dean? Never before has he met someone who could give Seth as good
as he gets.
It's very entertaining, but in this instant Seth would much rather hear the
truth, since he can't figure Dean out without a little help.
'Can't you just admit that you want me to be there?' 'I want you to be there,'
the other confesses without any hesitation and Seth sags his shoulders. Those
are the right words, but Dean used the completely wrong tone. It's as if he
doesn't want to commit himself to anything yet. Roman's story about how Dean
couldn't stop gushing over Seth seems to lose its veritableness. Right now,
he'd even think the man was only trying to play him.
Still, a small part of him keeps on hoping and he furiously realizes that it's
the same part that wants to believe in a life after death, even in miracles
too. 'That– You're kidding, right?' The smile on Dean's face vanishes for a
second, a frown replacing it before it comes back full force, gentle and
comforting this time.
'Come on, it'll be fun. Stop thinking so much and just do it. Afterwards I can
drive you to school or you could skip the rest of the day and we have lunch at
your place while we wait for your parents. Give them a little surprise.'
He shouldn't miss out on a whole school day, but he's not sure he'll be able to
concentrate on anything after watching Dean live in action anyway. The second
part sounds really good though. Too good to dismiss. However, Seth isn't
exactly someone who is comfortable with going with the flow. He needs order and
plans.
'I don't–' 'Stop. Thinking. Just for once, do what you wanna do.' But he can't
just close the distance and steal a kiss from Dean. The fear that the man would
turn around and walk out of his life is too big and crippling. Seth has never
before done something without thinking about the consequences and deciding if
it's worth the trouble or risk.
Dean is asking things of him he's not familiar with and that's thrilling yet at
the same time creepy as heck. Letting go is not something Seth is very good at.
But his friend has this shimmer in his blue eyes that beg Seth to trust him on
this. Loosening up won't be the end of the world, even if he might think that
right now. Seth clutches one of Dean's sleeves and holds on for his dear life,
whispering uncertain, 'You won't leave me alone and you will not, under no
circumstances, let the other guy touch me.'
Dean lifts his arm and for a blissful moment Seth thinks he's finally going to
hug him, but he won't receive that gift yet. Even Roman has embraced him in his
arms more than once already. His crush has no problem whatsoever cupping his
cheek though, resting his forehead against Seth's with closed eyes.
'Promise.'
He knows this can – and probably will – go wrong in a thousand different ways
and that Roman will flip his shit as soon as he hears the news; but that
thought only spurs Seth on even more. He sits down again, his legs too wobbly
to carry him any longer, heart in his mouth.
It's exciting to break the rules, even though he's not doing anything illegal.
And as long as Dean is by his side, he's not too worried about any backlash.
'Shooting will be on Friday. Get ready.'
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Summary
     'You looked so kissable in that referee outfit.'
Chapter Notes
     I'm gonna leave this a bit early, so I can have the rest of the week
     to polish the chapter for LTWK that I wrote yesterday/today. Payback
     is a Shield PPV and I hope that'll never change. Hope you'll like my
     take on the whole match XD It's gonna be different than people think
     it'll be. And have fun with Seth finding out more about Dean than he
     probably wanted. Poor kiddo. Also, I'll add another tag to this story
     (two actually), so if you want to spoil the surprise look at the
     updated tags.
               Act Ten: no sex please, we're still 'complicated'
'How long will this match be?' Seth mutters as they walk down the aisle,
fidgeting nervously with the sleeves of his referee shirt. By now, he's not so
sure anymore that this was a good idea, even if his friend is here to protect
him.
'Depends on how much the guy can take.' The guy? Dean didn't even check who
he's going to fight and fuck later on today? 'Some of them almost start crying
when you do a belly-to-belly to them.' He gets an arrogant smirk, gladly taking
the hint to turn this into a joke instead of facing the reality of him watching
Dean with someone else close to the action.
So he plays along, thankful about the change of topic. 'Even if they can stare
into the face of God before you send them flying?' Dean barks out a laugh and
claps him a tad too rough on the shoulder. 'I know, right? Maybe they just cry
because of my dashing looks.'
They enter Dean's locker room so he can put on his ring gear, or Jon Moxley's
skin. While his crush pours some hair gel on his fingers Seth's brain zonks
out, imagining it to be lube and his mind is briefly taking him into a dimly
lit bedroom, Dean on the bed, wearing only his million dollar smile.
'Has anyone ever told you how different you look when you slick your hair
back?' he asks, tongue heavy, pinching himself in the arm to find his way back
to reality. He shouldn't go there right before he has his first gig in front of
the camera. Or ever. Not before these fantasies have the tiniest chance of
becoming reality.
Dean grins, checking his reflection to take care of a few stray strands. 'Less
goofy.' 'That's one way to put it,' he mumbles too low for the other to hear.
It's not exactly the word Seth would have chosen either. His friend winks at
him through the mirror before he quickly changes into his trunks and boots.
'You ready to referee? Know the rules and all?' Seth nods, cutting off the tape
around Dean's wrist, this time thankfully not about to use his mouth for the
task. 'Yup. Had an extra session with Jimmy yesterday.' Jimmy Jacobs is a
retired wrestler and a very patient teacher. He taught Seth everything he
didn't already know.
'But seriously, who cares? Most of your viewers don't give a damn about the
wrestling part.' Which is a shame, since that sometimes is all Seth needs to
find release. Wrestling can be so erotically charged, if the athletes do it
right. And Jon Moxley is really good at it.
Dean opens the door for him, stopping Seth though in the frame with a hand on
his chest. 'I give a damn. Wrestling is half my job.' Sounds like it's the part
he likes the most too, actually. Now that's a weight off his mind. Not all hope
is lost yet then.
They walk through the halls, Dean almost stubbornly silent, while Seth's mind
takes him to a darker place. He only just now realizes the consequences this
gig will have for him. And he doesn't mean the I'm gonna die if my parents ever
find out.
'What if someone asks for more of me after this?' He isn't completely sure if
that'd be such a bad thing. It would certainly sicken his family, but it
probably wouldn't look too good on his résumé. There's a huge difference
between working as a personal assistant or starring in adult movies.
But hey, this is the only life he has, so he should do whatever he wants, since
he won't get another chance.
Dean snickers, the sound so out of place, now that he looks like Moxley. 'Don't
worry.' Oh, how rude. So the other thinks no one will even pay attention to
him? Is he not handsome enough or does he lack any acting talent? He could pull
all parts of this off, if he wanted to.
Didn't Dean call him a natural? The man seems to like changing his mind on a
whim. This could be a problem in the future.
'You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with.' Alright, he should
let people finish their sentences before he jumps to any conclusions. Now that
this is out of the way, there's another thing exciting him when he thinks about
this segment.
His skin starts prickling uncomfortably, the tongue in his mouth moving faster
than he can control it. 'And if I could imagine doing more?' Dean stops
walking, scrutinizing him in the middle of the hallway while scratching his
shaved chin, trying to find out if Seth is serious.
When he answers it's slowly, almost insecure. 'Then we'll talk about it with
Hunter and Ro, see if we can put you in a storyline, let you referee again.'
The safe answer. Nice try, Dean-o.
But Seth doesn't mean just standing in the ring wearing black and white
stripes; he's talking about the real stuff. Obviously only with Dean, since he
couldn't stand anyone else touching him. Which would make him a horrible porn
actor, wouldn't it?
'And if I want to do more than just that?' he prompts, Dean's eyes turning a
little bit darker. There's a dangerous glint in them but the other's reaction
tells him that Dean realized he's not joking; which is why he pulls the plug on
this whole subject by saying with a cold smirk, 'No virgins, hot stuff.'
Seth gets a patronizing clap on the belly while squeezing himself through the
door with Dean at the same time. He's known for being headstrong, so he won't
let this matter go until he has heard an answer he can live with. 'Come on,
just play the game. What if?'
And just so that Dean really gets it, it's time for the important question.
'Would you let one of the other guys touch me?' Someone like Randy, Antonio or
Rome even?
A low growl startles Seth and a surprised yelp escapes his mouth when Dean
pushes him against the wall to invade his personal space. They stare at each
other and Seth's stomach drops when he can see that Dean knows exactly what
he's hinting at.
'You want me to pee on you, mark you as my territory?' Not something quite so
animalistic, no. There are better ways to stake him as his claim. 'Gross,' he
whispers, his voice thin and weak, showing very clearly that he's a teeny tiny
bit intimidated by the other's sudden outburst.
'Seriously, Dean, what if?' His friend is refusing to make a decision in this
very moment; Seth can sense that he's torn about this whole matter. Others walk
by and watch them being pressed against the wall with raised eyebrows, so Dean
lets go of him as if he burnt himself. 'It's just a job, so why the hell not?'
'A job,' he echoes, a void inside his chest sucking in all his emotions.
Wow, that stings way more than anything else people ever threw at him. So, to
Dean he's just the guy that he likes to look at. He probably regards him as a
little brother he has to keep safe – Roman got it all wrong and Seth definitely
has misinterpreted every interaction they had so far –, as eye candy, but not
boyfriend material.
The guy seriously needs to work on the signals he gives, because they're really
confusing. And disappointing.
'Isn't it?' Dean asks, tentativeness swinging in his voice; he surely
understood he made a mistake by carelessly gritting out these words.
The other shouldn't worry though, Seth can take care of himself. No need to
protect him from anything; he's not a baby anymore. But he might cry like one
later when he's alone because Dean just broke his heart. Hearing that Seth is
only part of his job, that he'd let others sleep with him on camera is
devastating and he has to swallow multiple times, but the stale taste in his
mouth won't go away.
'It certainly is for you,' he answers brusquely and walks into the studio,
forcing himself to smile at everyone and concentrate on the task ahead instead
of Dean still standing outside, lost or not.
Half an hour later he's in the ring and has no idea what he's doing. Not
because Dean is acting like a completely different person, fully in Jon Moxley
mode again, but because a couple of cameras are directed at him and everything
he learned in the past week is gone, his cluelessness making him look like the
Tin Man.
He cannot forget the words he exchanged with Dean earlier and he also can't
help but ask himself if he went too far, if he didn't push his crush into an
emotional corner.
Whatever he did, he upset Dean a lot, maybe even hurt him, because Jon is
pulling off a lot of barely legal moves that Seth, as the nameless referee, has
to break up. He's holding his opponent in the ring corners or ropes, always
snarling things Seth doesn't understand because the blood in his ears drowns
out all other noises.
Dean is provoking him, he knows that, but they're still rolling, so he can't be
Seth Rollins right now. All he can do is be the impartial arbitrator that grabs
Jon Moxley and pushes him off his opponent Claudio Castagnoli when he won't
break up a hold.
His fingers always linger a bit longer on Dean's arms and abs than they should,
but he couldn't care less. Dean doesn't either. Jon is screaming at him if he's
blind or on whose side he's on, but he never yells that he should keep his
goddamn hands off. Small victories that raise more questions than he can
answer.
Whenever they're not staring at each other, Jon takes it all out on Claudio and
Seth suddenly understands why they usually shoot the wrestling and the porn
separately. Sure, they're all trained professionals but they must be exhausted
after a match like this too.
Even though he has a lot to do, he still can't not be in awe of Dean's
wrestling skills. It's like he's watching God throwing a helpless guy around to
prove his dominance and make this puny human understand that it should learn to
fear his power.
Seth feels bad for Antonio, so he starts looking out for his gimmick Claudio,
asking him if he's okay or if he should stop the match which antagonizes Dean
or Jon, he isn't able to tell them apart at the moment, so much that he grabs
Seth's head, cupping his cheeks in his sweaty hands, and shoves him into a
corner, trapping Seth between the ropes with his sturdy body.
Dean is breathing hard and Seth half expects someone to call cut at any moment,
but no one speaks up and all his mind concentrates on is Dean standing right
before him, nose not even an inch away from his own, whispering furiously just
a job, right?before he smacks his lips against Seth's, blindsiding him
completely with this kiss.
By now, he is certain that someone will interrupt this – at least Antonio in
his role as Claudio should break it up, even though he would attack the guy
himself if he dares to – but he should know better at this point; they mostly
let things roll, able to cut it all out afterwards if they want to.
The thought also reminds him that they're still shooting, so he remains the
conciliator and Jon is touching things he shouldn't – while Dean is doing
everything right and this kiss is not only his first real one, but also the
best thing someone has ever done with his tongue.
As much as he hates it, he has to act like the nameless referee and not like
Seth, pushing Jon Moxley off of him, yelling something about disqualifying the
wrestler if he ever does that again, while he's sure his eyes tell a completely
different story.
Jon simply scoffs, doing a little wave with his hand that the cameras don't
catch, giving someone a sign Seth doesn't understand. Dean finishes the match
very quickly, pinning his poor opponent after hitting him not only with one but
two Dirty Deeds.
While he slams his arm on the canvas to count Claudio out, he hears Dean
whisper something in the guy's ear and Antonio groans, but murmurs an annoyed
okay back. Seth has no clue what's going on and waits for someone to call it a
day as soon as Jon won the match, but no one says a word, the cameras stay in
position and Claudio rolls onto his belly, allowing Jon to take off his trunks.
Wait, this is happening now? They're going through with it, while he stands
right in front of them? No build up, no nothing?
He should go. He really should leave the ring because this has nothing to do
with him anymore, yet his feet are rooted to the spot. It's not due to Dean
ripping off his own trunks with brute force, almost tearing the cloth apart, a
tiny bottle of lube and a condom conveniently landing right next to them. No,
he's seen the man naked so many times that he'd be able to identify him even if
he'd go blind right now.
It's Dean not stopping to stare at him, no matter what he does. The other's
hands move on autopilot, so does his body apparently, but his eyes are fixed on
Seth's. He has no clue what to do, but he knows he can't just stand there
awkwardly in the ring while Dean fucks some guy senseless only a few inches
away from him, even if it's his job, so he leaves the scene of action. Yet he
can't bring himself to go; hovering in a corner of the studio, not able to
break the eye contact he and Dean have.
This back and forth with the man is messing with his head and exhausting but
also very entertaining and something he doesn't want to miss in his life. He
kind of likes being this baffled for once, even though it also drives him crazy
because Seth is not used to float around aimlessly.
Jon takes Claudio the way he wrestled him: dominant, self-confident, efficient,
with a side note of unpredictability. The other's intense stare gives him the
impression Dean is trying to penetrate Seth's very soul – and that he's also
telling him something he can't quite grasp yet.
How in the world will they be able to face his parents tonight if they can't
even look at each other without the air around them starting to burn? Oh no,
wait, that's actually a good thing. Especially if he wants to come out to his
parents. Hopefully Sam will be there too, so Dean can shut him up once and for
all.
When Rome finds out about this – which happens during lunch break – Seth gets a
series of text messages, each angrier as the one before.
                  i thought you agreed to stay away from him
                     he needs to concentrate on his future
                  what were you thinking accepting that offer
                    why do people not blindly obey anymore
He does feel slightly shamefaced because he understands what Roman is
desperately trying to do. But Dean isn't a child anymore and can make his own
choices. And Seth is smart enough to know what he's getting himself into. His
brother's little hate-speech made that very clear to him.
In the end, Roman can't make the decision for them and he has to trust both of
them with this. If Dean wants to be with Seth even with the prospect of one of
them possibly leaving soon, then Rome should make sure he's happy all along the
way – just like he claims he wants him to be.
Seth doesn't doubt that the Samoan only has the best intentions, but by now it
seems like an unhealthy obsession to keep Dean safe instead of simply shielding
him from harm whenever it's absolutely necessary. Seth is no threat whatsoever.
Rome's probably done this for so long now that he can't stop mothering Dean. Or
– and this is not that unlikely, even though they got to know each other better
– he doesn't trust Seth at all; still thinks he's not what Dean deserves.
                            HE kissed ME. Just FYI.
Okay, that might not have been his wisest move, since he isn't entirely sure if
Roman even knows about that too. Turns out, he didn't. Seth pushes the tray of
food away from him, his hunger suddenly gone, and gets up to put his meal away.
He doesn't want to be around the others while having this conversation with one
of the top dogs here.
                                 hold on a sec
                                 he kissed you
                        in front of the rolling camera
                         what if your family sees that
Well, at least he doesn't dwell on the fact that they kissed for too long. That
should be a good sign, right? And he can't help it, but he has to huff out a
laugh when Roman writes the last message. As if his parents would even watch
gay porn.
Oh, he'd love to see that though.
       Hate to break it to you but they're not interested in that stuff.
And honestly, he wouldn't care even if they were. He's turning eighteen in
three months and as soon as he's gone for college, he won't ever look back
again. He definitely won't miss them and their superficiality.
When Roman doesn't answer he knows it's because the other is sulking, maybe
even seething since Seth won't take this serious or is about to sacrifice a
virgin to steal Dean away from him. So he writes back a rather long message
while he walks through the streets, letting the wind blow into his face so it
can cool his cheeks down a bit.
I tried to keep my distance after you begged me to, and I failed. Please don't
  be mad. You should know best that no one can ignore Dean or cut him out off
   their life that easily. And even if this is destined to end in tears and
 heartbreak, I still want to try and see if maybe together we can defy fate. I
promise, I won't hold him back, won't ask him to stay here for me in case those
  people realize that they need him or he wishes to go. All I want is a fair
                                    chance.
He can't and won't beg Dean to give up his dream just to be with him. And
besides, Seth will leave for college in roughly six months anyway – ifhe
decides to go to San Francisco. Right now, he's not so sure anymore. He could
also take a year off, see where this thing with Dean is going. Maybe he could
even come with him, live on the road for a while before he settles down for
college. Or maybe he'll end up as a cashier.
Seth can't tell yet but he's still young. He won't let anyone put that kind of
pressure on him because right now he could also imagine to stay at Cyberfights.
And yes, he would do that even without Dean being around.
              if you break his heart i will haunt and murder you
So Dean is not in a relationship with Roman. Or neither of them is admitting
it. Anyway, he just managed to convince his friend that he should give him and
Dean a chance and that's way better than thinking about secret affairs and all
that.
He grins down at his phone and closes his eyes, breathing in the unusually
crisp air and puts on his beanie. He's not even sure if Dean actually wants to
be together with him or if this is just some macho bullshit, a little game to
win the bet, but he has all the time in the world to find out. And absence
makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say.
                                    Got it.
An hour later he's sitting in his office – because he still has almost as much
work to do as before. He never thought sitting in a chair to yell action and
cut and see that the product is half-decent would require so much paperwork –,
eating one of Lita's carrot cake muffins when Dean pushes the door open and
flops down on Damien's chair.
Dean thankfully looks like himself again, not a single trace of Jon Moxley
left; his hair the usual, charismatic mess that it is, a small smile giving
away that his friend has no worries at all. But he knows for a fact that Dean
is nervous about his tryouts, his big chance next month. Nervous, but most of
all excited and ready to show all those quote assholes unquote what they missed
out on all these years.
His friend is wearing a fleece-sweater that makes him look very cute and
modest, black jeans and worn out sneakers. Seth loves the outfit, but he does
hope that Dean will put on something less normal and more sexy when they go
home later.
He won't shock his family with an average Joe look, even though he should wear
casual clothes way more often. They make him look like a big teddy bear and
Seth's whole being itches to hug the man. In his opinion, there's no need for
the really hot, bad boy outfit every day of the week. Seth prefers to see the
man behind the mask.
Dean points at Seth's phone on the desk and asks nonchalantly, 'You got a
roasting too?' 'Yeah.' He reads over a note his new boss – who calls himself
The Miz – left him, telling him he was not bad for his first time in the ring
and that he should give Cesaro the week off. Antonio completely deserves that.
'Sure Rome's not in love with you?' he mutters distracted, not even realizing
how the words just slip past his lips, too engrossed with the note and his task
to find the right way to apologize to the actor for earlier. He doesn't expect
Dean to give an honest answer, let alone did he ever think he'd hear that
coming out of his mouth.
'Been there, done that.'
This admission does makes him look up and his heart skips a painful beat, while
his fingers hover awkwardly over his phone. 'Whoa, rewind, Casanova. You two
were a couple?' Okay, now that explains everything. And nothing, to be honest.
Roman is married and has a daughter that just had her second birthday.
Don't tell him he cheated on his wife with Dean. 'I thought you share all your
secrets now. He didn't tell you?' his friend asks curiously, though there's a
lot of false friendliness in his voice. Oh, really? Now Dean is pissed that
Roman warmed up to him?
Or perhaps it's the fact that his brother told Seth all about his past
relationships without asking Dean first if he even wanted Seth to know. Yeah,
he's going to go with that, since he can't imagine that his crush might
actually be jealous too.
Grabbing his phone to write Antonio the happy news, he tries to play the matter
down, even though his chest is still too tight and his breathing is becoming
shallow. Seth should have known that there was more to these two than met the
eye. He saw it in the videos, but Seth refused to acknowledge it.
'Rome only said you had a horrible taste in partners ever since he's known
you,' he mutters, suddenly not comfortable with this topic anymore. Dean
doesn't mind, or at least he's acting very convincingly that he couldn't care
less, nodding with a somewhat content expression on his face. 'True, though Ro
must've been the best one so far.'
So far. Thank God he added that or else Seth would have thrown the man out of
his office. He's so not in the mood for any more games today, the events of the
morning still haunting him every time he closes his eyes. It drives him crazy
that he is unable to make any sense of Dean.
'No wonder he's guarding you like some pit bull,' he mumbles, putting his phone
back on the desk because he can't hear himself think straight, but he seriously
wants to tell Antonio how sorry he is for everything. He feels so guilty that
Dean forced the guy to go through a rough match and not really caring sex
afterwards instead of getting the break in between shootings that is normal.
All because Dean wanted to prove something to Seth. Or show him whatever. He
really can't understand the other's motives but he is too timid to ask. And
he's not sure he'd like the answer anyway.
Dean casually puts his feet on the desk and grins at him; he's acting way too
relaxed for Seth's liking. How can he be so cool about everything after
manhandling Antonio while not even paying attention to his shooting partner?
Why did he not break the gaze he had with Seth? God, he's dying to know what
goes through the other's head – if there is anything going on in there at all.
Sometimes he believes Dean just does things because they feel right, without
thinking about the consequences.
'We weren't a real couple,' his crush explains matter-of-factly, waving his
hand around to indicate it wasn't a big deal. It must have been; at least for
Roman. 'We had an affair roughly four years ago. He cheated on his fiancée with
me. I was just a dirty secret.'
He feels completely appalled now, not sure what to do with this piece of
information. It seems so surreal that Roman is someone who is unfaithful. As
hard as it is, Dean two-timing doesn't sound nearly as unbelievable. No, wait,
Seth has to correct himself there before he does wrong by his friend.
It's not that unlikely that Dean might have cheated on his fuckbuddies in the
past. Judging from all the stories he's heard Dean was a wild man who took
every step in stride. Seth firmly believes that his friend has evolved since
then. He has to, for his own sake.
His co-worker holds out his arms, grinning lopsided, asking self-deprecatingly,
'Still like what you see?' Why wouldn't he? Seriously, that was ages ago and
it's not like he expects Dean to be perfect. They're all humans and not
flawless. It'd be pretty boring otherwise, wouldn't it?
'What's done is done,' he says, listening to the voice in his head that tells
him to trust his instinct; Dean is the right one, no matter what kind of
mistakes he made in the past. The other doesn't take drugs anymore. Neither is
he helping someone cheat on their significant other. People change and Dean did
to the better.
'How long did it last?' he prods, curious to know the rest of this story – that
Roman conveniently left out even though he could have scared Seth off with it
too, now that he thinks about it –, momentarily even forgetting that he's still
mad at Dean.
His crush shrugs, grimacing shortly. 'About two years?' So, let him get this
straight. Rome's wife got pregnant whilehe screwed Dean. It's a miracle she was
able to forgive Roman, considering that they still see each other at work every
day and continue to be brothers. Seth is not sure he'd be so cool about that.
'When he found me in Cincinnati, in 09, I was all Jon Moxley, shaped into that
monster by the world. Wasn't pretty but Ro believed in me, was the first to
ever do. He took me under his wing, let me move in with him and her. I never
thought we did something wrong.'
Cheating is wrong, but he won't argue about that now. This story is too
interesting to turn it into a heated discussion about loyalty and faith.
There's still time for that in case they ever manage to get together. He has a
pretty good idea of what went down after he lived together with Roman, but he
needs to know anyway. 'What happened?' he whispers hesitantly, afraid that Dean
will stop sharing tidbits about his past once he begs for too much.
But he hopes that this is okay, since it's not only about Dean, but about a
love triangle he got caught up in between – though he's dying to know more
about what horrible things his friend went through that he had to seek solace
in drugs, alcohol and vicious bar fights.
Dean's eyes turn a shade darker and he's lost in thoughts for a while, leaving
Seth to wonder how much he'll gloss over everything when he finally decides to
answer. 'The usual thing. I moved out so we'd have a place for us, she
eventually found out, went completely berserk and gave him an ultimatum.'
Yeah, he thought as much. Now that he has some kind of clarity, he's finally
able to do the task Miz gave him, even if he still hasn't found the right
words. Besides, he doesn't want to bring Dean more pain by having to re-live
that memory again. So he texts Antonio that he gets the rest of the week off
and that he apologizes for what happened earlier – while his cheeks heat up
again because he's not really sorry, since it was perplexing as hell but kind
of hot. At least for him.
'You or her?' Seth mutters absent-mindedly, voice so low that he'd hoped Dean
wouldn't hear him. 'Me or her.' He did anyway and what makes things even worse
is that he sounds so utterly sad, as if he'd love nothing more than to alter
that part of his past.
Well, this took an unexpected turn. Seth has no wish whatsoever to bring the
feelings Dean once had for Roman back to life. Time to painfully remind the
other that it's over and that their actions have changed everything. He's a
total jackass for doing this, but it's only to protect himself. 'So that's why
there haven't been any videos with just the two of you in the past two years.'
It's not surprising that Dean refuses to talk for a while; he just looks out of
the window and at the wind rustling through the tree tops and Seth curses
himself for having the right intentions but ultimately doing the wrong thing.
Maybe he's not such a good person after all.
When his friend's voice rings out again, it's not exactly bashful, but it's
pretty close. Whatever it is, it makes Seth draw in a sharp breath. 'Ro didn't
choose.'
That doesn't make a lick of sense. Roman is married now, happily at that – or
so he thinks; he's never bothered to ask – and about to end his acting career.
Surely for his wife and daughter, but the fact remains. If Rome didn't do it,
what occurred then?
Everything is so irritating with Dean, it's making his head spin at times. 'I
thought–' 'I made the decision for him.'
Oh wow. That must have been pretty hard. Dean seems to be someone who loves
with all his heart, once he's let that person into his little circle of people
he trusts unconditionally, who commits himself wholly to that individual.
Letting that special someone go must've broken him. No wonder there are so many
forts build around Dean's heart.
'Why?' he whispers softly, wincing when the sound is still too loud and
intrusive. He just wants to understand why Dean let the one person he really
loved so far in his life go without putting up a fight or give Roman the chance
to leave his fiancée for him and maybe make a mistake he'd regret forever.
But, Seth wonders, is Dean aware that he might have made that error himself?
His friend breathes in and sighs with a mirthless, lopsided grin; his
expression suddenly weary and Seth thinks Dean could use a ten hour nap. 'Ro is
my man, best friend, my brother. I'm eternally grateful for what he did and I
love him, but he's not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.'
That's oddly deep and heartbreaking after everything that transpired between
them in the morning.
'Though I miss the sex.' Oh, for f– 'Just when I thought you could stay serious
for once.' Way to ruin a moment and make Seth feel not adequate enough. The
smile on the other's face fades away and Dean ducks his head, rubbing over the
back of his neck nervously.
'I'm not comfortable talking about feelings and stuff.' No shit.
That moment Antonio writes him back, ending their conversation for now. Thx, no
prob. But nxt time just let him fuck u. Uhm, how about no? His first time will
not be in front of a darn camera.
Seth coughs and puts his phone away hurriedly. It's a bad sign that obviously
everyone can see the heavily charged tension between them, the amount of eye-
sex going on each time they meet and they still only had one, very rough and
angry kiss.
At least they're going to pretend to be boyfriends from tonight on. That's
excellent news, isn't it? Sounds good to him, so everything else doesn't
matter.
'You ready to shock mommy and daddy?' So, story time is over. What a shame;
there's so much more he still wants to know. Seth scoffs, even though he's
mentally throwing a fist in the air because they've been thinking about the
same thing. 'They'd actually have to give a shit for that.' Yet he keeps on
hoping that a seven year age difference, Dean's unique job and appearance are
enough to make them finally see him again.
His friend switches his mood in the blink of an eye – he's really good at
slipping his mask back on; too good, to be honest –, readjusting his legs on
Damien's table and accidentally ripping a sheet of paper apart. 'Trust me, I'll
make them throw me out and forbid you to ever see me again.'
He'd like to see Dean try. Deep down, Seth is sure that even if they start to
care, they'll do it for the completely wrong reasons. 'Just don't tell them I'm
working here.' As much as he'd love to rub this under their noses, he's afraid
they would try and succeed to take this away from him.
Seth needs this job. Not because of the money. This internship eats up all his
free time and he has to learn and do his homework in between breaks or at
night, but it's worth it because he feels so welcome here. He's learned to
ignore the idiots, blend them out all times of the day, and if someone dares to
talk smack at him, there's always a friend ready to jump to his defense, even
if he doesn't even need it.
This company has made him tougher, showed him what he truly wants in his life.
He would never survive the loss of all of this.
Dean nods slowly, promising, 'Yes, Sir.' He won't do anything against Seth's
will. How considerate. Seriously, it's a miracle to him why Dean is still
single.
There's a companionable silence wrapping itself around them, Seth resuming his
work while Dean looks out of the window again, quietly humming a tune he has
never heard before, lost in his own world. It's calming until Seth just can't
take it anymore.
He can't fathom why Dean hasn't lost a single word about it so far. Every cell
in Seth's body is charged with a strange kind of electricity, making him
fidgety and restless. His mind expects answers and if Dean doesn't want to give
them to him, Seth has to demand them.
So he asks forcefully, 'Why did you do it?' Dean needs a moment to find his way
back to him, but then their gazes meet and after a whole eternity his friend
gets up wordlessly to sit on the corner of Seth's desk, not caring that he
sends a lot of papers flying down to the ground. Neither does Seth.
'You looked so kissable in that referee outfit.' It's another honest answer,
Seth can feel that much. And the words catch him a bit off-guard too. It's just
a job, a game, a favor. Not love. But no matter how often he repeats the mantra
in his head, he can't bring himself to believe it.
He gets a mesmerizing, heartwarming smile, feeling his knees goes weak – he's
infinitely glad that he's already sitting or else he'd embarrass himself yet
again. Dean bends down as if to share a secret no one was ever supposed to
know, buzzing, 'How'd you like it?'
Against his will Seth blushes and averts the piercing, curious gaze. Everyone
around here knows he's a virgin but he doesn't have to act like one too. He
never expected Dean to ask how his first kiss had been, not taking the other to
be a was it as good for you as it was for me?guy.
'I–it was a pleasant surprise. A bit blustering, thou–' Dean tries, not so
successfully, to hide a snort, but he can't stop himself from snickering,
giving Seth a look as if he's just seen a puppy accidentally falling off a bed.
'Your first gig, not the kiss. Don't ever doubt my oral skills again.'
'Oh.' For Christ's sake, why is his brain always failing him in the most
crucial moments? This only happened because Dean is so freaking closeand
watching him with his warm, blue eyes; his gaze feeling like a tender embrace
in which he could easily fall asleep. 'I, erm, it was cool.'
And totally weird, considering Dean went all Jon Moxley on him and gave him all
these mixed signals. Those will be the death of him.
His crush leans down and Seth can smell his cologne and would love nothing more
than to dive his nose into the other's clothes to catch another whiff of it.
'Wanna do it again?' the man of his dreams asks with a seductive voice, the
words vibrating inside his chest to move down to his pelvis, sending all his
blood into his face and groin, rendering his brain useless once more.
'Only with you though,' he barely croaks out, his heart fluttering around
frantically when Dean cups his blazing hot cheeks with his fingers again –
contrary to earlier it's a gentle and slinky touch –, locking their lips for a
thoughtful, almost chaste kiss.
Seth, entirely lost in heaven for a few seconds, is so overwhelmed that he
forgets to do something too; like burying his hands in Dean's fluffy hair, but
before he can even move, his friend retreats with a gentle smile that kick-
starts his brain again.
'The gig, not that,' he hears himself say cheekily, thanking God for his loud
mouth because he himself would not have a single clue how to proceed now. Other
than tackling Dean to the ground and lapping at him like a dog licking peanut
butter off someone's skin.
Dean chuckles lightly and bumps their noses together. 'I know. I just want you
to get used to that. Can't have anyone think we've never done this before.'
'Of course,' he sighs, cursing himself for reading too much into it. What the
hell?a voice in his head screams, asking him why he's not enjoying this. He's
read tons of fanfiction and if they're anything like reality fake/pretend
relationships always end up with the protagonists getting together.
Why is he refusing to believe it could be like this for him too? Seth runs his
tongue over his lips, trying to chase Dean's taste, to savor it forever but
it's already gone again. This is unacceptable. 'I think we need to rehearse
some more.'
His friend laughs heartily, leaning back – Seth wants to scream no and grab him
by the shoulders, yank him back into his bubble of love and affection and
neediness – to chide him, 'Don't get greedy, hot stuff.'
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Summary
     'Ah, what the hell. I'm the boyfriend of this genius. By the way,
     your son's gay.'
Chapter Notes
     Thanks to all of you. Seriously, you guys are the best. I don't know
     where I'd be without you, so a round of applause and hugs, kisses and
     cookies for you!
Warning for a special someone (I will do this every time because I promised):
Seth's family appears in this chapter. Proceed with caution, sweetie. If anyone
needs any warnings, please talk to me. I want you to feel comfortable all the
time!
                          Act Eleven: hello, i'm gay
Dean did change his attire before they left Cyberfights, putting on an old,
very worn out black leather jacket with only a not-quite greasy wife-beater
underneath – Seth had to stifle a laugh when he saw it –, blue jeans with holes
all over and muddied, unlaced boots to finish this particular look.
It's definitely an outfit that will drive his parents up the wall because they
don't want their son to hang out with someone who doesn't take care of his
appearance. They don't need to know that even though Dean's style isn't much
different from this one he doesn't usually look this scroungy.
That Seth is wearing his best white shirt and immaculate black pants, plus a
little bow-tie, hair tied back into a ponytail, only helps completing the
opposites attract stereotype. Maybe Dean chose those old clothes to make a
statement simply by showing up like this.
The face his mother Sara makes the moment they walk into the kitchen is
priceless. She watches Dean stroll through the room, takes in the outfit in all
its ugly glory just to shoot him a slightly panicked, very permeating glance.
He doesn't even bother with explaining anything, only walks to the fridge to
hand Dean a beer and get himself some juice.
'Oh, what a pleasant surprise,' his mother tries to stay composed; the smile
she grazes his friend with is forced and frozen. It's not surprising that she
doesn't sound pleased at all. Seth showing up with Dean doesn't sit right with
her, it upsets her apple cart.
She really should be used to the other's presence by now, since she has already
seen him together with her son. What she doesn't know is the role Dean is
playing in Seth's life. This is going to be a night all of them will remember
forever.
He's rarely felt so good standing up to his parents. So much for pretending to
be a perfect family. 'Seth didn't tell us he would bring a guest tonight.' He's
heard of this myth that kids don't have to do that, because their parents are
fine with such things as long as their children enjoy their life.
Just because he protects Jeff from his family it doesn't mean that he never
wants to experience what normalcy is. Funny that he expects to find it with
none other than Dean by his side.
His crush gulps down half of the beer in one go – after opening it with a
lighter –, grinning back at his mother with his most charming smile. 'Please,
don't put yourself out on my account.' It's so cute when Dean is overly polite
and Seth just wants to hold his hand right here, in public, everywhere at any
time. The world shall see that this man is his and his alone.
'What's he doing here?' his sister enters the kitchen, grimacing when she sees
Dean wipe his mouth after some of the beer slipped out of the bottle while he
was drinking. 'Did we order some pizza?' Now the real fun begins.
His friend couldn't care less about Sophie's comment, just barks out an
obviously lackadaisical laugh, running his fingers through the once more
slicked back hair. 'Ha, funny girl.'
'Sophie,' his mother hisses hurriedly, urging her daughter to stop talking.
Seth knows that tone all too well. It's the behave in front of guests, but if
you don't I probably won't tell you off his sister always gets. Contrary to the
behave or we'll ground you and cut your pocket money, you ungrateful little
shithe tends to hear.
His mom turns to Dean, holding out her arms as if to offer him a hug, though
they both know she'd never touch him. Not even with a condom costume. 'We'd
love for you to stay for dinner. I made my signature dish. It'll be ready in
ten minutes.'
He grins at his friend – getting a playful wink in response – when he hears his
mother mumble lowly and enervated, 'I need to cook more garnishes.' It's
perfectly clear she loathes Dean for showing up unannounced, ruining her
perfectly prepared dinner.
Seth seldom loved Dean more than in this moment.
'Mom, it's okay. We can eat something else,' he blatantly lies, not in the
least intending to leave this house until they have completed their mission.
His mother turns around, fake happy expression back on her face, and pats him
on his lower back, responding, 'Nonsense, darling.'
Darling? Who the heck is she trying to impress with that? She never calls him
that, not since Sophie was born at least. It's funny to see how she too tries
to keep up a facade, so Dean won't get a wrong impression, while he and Seth do
their best to achieve the exact opposite.
His sister is just about to leave the room, too grossed out by Dean gulping
down the rest of his beer – and Seth is only waiting for him to burp, yearning
for it to happen, actually –, tiny drops of the beverage running down his jaw
and neck. In his family's eyes this must be close to repulsing and he savors
every second of it.
'Sophie, honey, can you help me?' His mother sounds as if she has to stay calm
and collected even though she'd love nothing more than to throw Dean out of her
sacred house. Seth is surprised she hasn't done it yet.
His little sister rolls her eyes and complains loudly, 'Do I have to? He's not
my friend.' She still has that unique talent to make the word friend sound like
an insult. Dean has heard it too, since he decides to forget the small amount
of manners he has and finally belches.
A stunned silence follows in which his crush tries half-heartedly to cover his
so-called blunder up as soon as he sees Sara's expressions. Her eyes almost
fall out of their sockets, as if she's never heard such a vulgar sound. Seth
barely contains the laughter that threatens to bubble up.
Dean though won't hide the huge grin on his face, clearly enjoying to play a
different kind of role for once. He's doing this so good that Seth is tempted
to ask the other if he wants money for it.
'Absolutely,' his mother answers hesitatingly, grabbing her daughter's wrist to
pull her back into the room and away from Dean. As if his rudeness could
somehow rub off on her if she's standing too close to him. Seth has never
before been so ashamed of his family.
So much for being open-minded and impartial. Dean hasn't even done anything
really offensive. They only judge him based on his looks and how he does not
fit the image of the perfect friend they imagined Seth to have. But he's not
like Sam or Sophie. There is nothing wrong with either Jeff or Dean.
Man, as soon as she knows that he's gay and won't ever give her those two
grandchildren with a cute, snub-nosed brunette she'll flip her lid.
His sister turns to Seth and lowers her voice, but she makes sure that Dean can
hear her too. 'You're gonna pay for this.' Aw, has the spoiled, self-proclaimed
Disney princess to do some lowly dirty work for once? If only he would care.
'Look at all the fucks we give,' Dean mutters back, still grinning like the
Cheshire cat, before he takes Seth's hand in his own and guides him into the
hallway where no one – neither his mother and sister in the kitchen, nor his
father in the living room – can see them.
Once they're alone the real Dean emerges and Seth watches perplexed how his
friend snarls, 'Charming.' Seth is only able to scoff tiredly. Firstly, Dean's
one to talk tonight. And secondly, he's already used to this. Sophie and him
will never become friends, let alone family.
'She's the devil,' he waves the other's concern off, listening to his mother
hiss some profanities about Dean into Sophie's ears. Hopefully Dean doesn't
take these things too personal. Seth in his place would be completely
devastated if he'd overhear people call him unworthy, filthy, a ne'er-do-well,
definitely not good enough for her prodigy son, the heir to her throne.
Seth sighs and just keeps talking, so Dean can't concentrate on the things
going on in the kitchen anymore. 'Wait until you meet my brother. He's a real
fan of you.' His friend acts as if nothing is amiss, the grin turning into a
proud smirk. 'As long as it stays in the family.'
Bah. 'Ew, no, not a fan-fan. He knows who you are, forbid me to have contact
with you.' The sheer idea of his brother gushing over the same male hooker – as
he so kindly put it – is breaking his brain. It's horrible enough to know that
Sam watched some of the Cyberfights videos Seth has bookmarked on his account.
'Thank God you never listen to anyone,' his crush murmurs, gently pushing him
against the wall that separates the hallway from the kitchen without any prior
heads-up and kisses him hard, though there's a weird longing touch to it,
lingering underneath all the force he's using.
Seth has no time to really melt under Deans touch. At first he's too taken
aback by this sudden and rash action – though he definitely likes it, no matter
the reason for this – and then the inevitable happens.
As soon as light footsteps approach Dean lets go, looking like absolutely
nothing just went down while Seth is all flustered and his cheeks are so hot
that he's sure he's as red as a tomato. He's also quite confused, since the
sole purpose of this charade is to come out to his family and shock them while
doing so. Not make out with each other when no one even sees it.
Is Dean toying with him? Or does he enjoy this way too much, choosing to make
the most of it? That's so Jon Moxley – taking what he wants, no matter what.
The most important question though is why Seth has nothing against these little
treats, why a part of him craves more of this.
Sophie exits the kitchen, throwing Seth an impatient look. 'You still here?
Can't you be somewhere else?' He should ask her why she had to interrupt the
kiss, but he can't reveal anything just yet. This isn't the right moment. So he
simply clears his throat and points to the stairwell.
'Come, I'll show you my room.' He's barely finished his sentence when his
sister delivers another verbal low-blow. 'Yeah,' she groans, arching an eyebrow
at him. 'I'm sure he loves to see your impressive collection of cum-covered
tissues.'
Seth has no idea what to say to that. His initial reaction is to panic because
he always goes so out of his way to dispose of the evidence without anyone
seeing it, but then a hand creeps up his spine and he instantly relaxes. He can
practically feel his mind grabbing the lifeline Dean just threw him.
His friend hums contemplatively, putting an arm on his shoulder to lean on him.
'Maybe I can add something to the collection.' Where would he be without Dean
grounding him time and time again? Probably already in jail, charged with the
murder of his whole family.
Sophie grimaces at Dean and scrunches up her nose, showing that she just
decided to not like him – not because he made a potential gay joke, but because
he sides with Seth on every occasion without even hesitating – and walks back
into the living room to flop down on the sofa and cuddle up to their father.
Yeah, showing Seth that no one ever does that with him is totally not the
childish way to express the disappointment over Dean not complimenting her even
once for her beautiful face or not looking at her like she's some desirable
young woman that he can't wait to bang one day.
She's fourteen, for crying out loud. No need to bewitch every male human being.
It's already a shame that he's still a virgin, contrary to her. And he'd really
wring her neck if she'd dare to take Dean away from him.
'Never thought there'd come a day I would be glad I was an only child,' his
friend whispers and even though there's also a hint of sadness in his voice
Seth can't help but appreciate that he got a new information about the other.
And that Dean has the lowest opinion of his family ever. So it's not just Seth
exaggerating; they really are that neglecting.
He sighs, uttering back a heartfelt, 'I envy you.' He has no time to drink in
the honest smile Dean blesses him with, the annoyed yelling of his sister
cutting this nice moment horribly short. 'Get a room or get lost. I prefer the
latter.'
Seth does too, so he drags Dean upstairs at the sleeve of his leather jacket;
only with the best intentions, if he might add. He never knew that as soon as
the door slams shut behind them, he gets pressed against it and Dean's lips are
on his again for a hungry kiss while slightly cold fingers make him flinch and
yelp surprised when they glide under his shirt.
This time he does melt in the other's arms, feeling safe enough in his own room
to do so. His knees get weaker the moment Dean grins against his mouth, which
makes him bold enough to grope the other too, finally acting on the sexual
tension that's been crackling between them ever since he watched Dean pummel
Antonio to the ground. Literally.
And so the saga of the mixed signals continues.
After getting another crash course in how to properly seduce your boyfriend
they're sitting at the table, eating his mom's signature dish. Seth is suddenly
hyper aware of everything, his fingers shaking nervously. If the make out
session earlier wouldn't have showed him that he absolutely detests the taste
of beer – even if there was also a bit of Dean in the mix – he'd grab one now
too; just to calm himself.
The plan didn't change – though he'd rather love to ponder over everything that
happened between him and Dean in his room than sitting here in the midst of
people he can't stand. He is still determined to do this, to scar his family
for life to get somekind of reaction out of them, but he has second thoughts
about dragging Dean into this mess.
His friend is completely relaxed, enjoying the meal and senseless chatter with
his family – he's even able to ignore all the snarky remarks Sophie makes all
the time about his second-hand clothes and hobo-like appearance. Seth suspects
that Dean is completely unperturbed because he's heard way worse in his life
already.
And isn't that thought really depressing?
He doesn't get why his little sister is constantly putting Dean down, since
he's exactly her type – the shabby appearance excluded. Seems like she can't
get over the fact that the man is hanging out with her lame brother instead of
throwing gooey eyes at her.
Even though she already decided to not like Dean, she put on some make-up and
her best pencil skirt, low-cut top combo for dinner when they were working on
his kissing techniques or whatever – it wasn't so theoretical for him, judging
by the embarrassing boner he got –, trying to impress his friend with her
looks.
She's gonna be so pissed when she hears that Dean's gay too. At least Seth
thinks he is, since he doesn't know for sure. He could also be bisexual or
pansexual or one of the other possibilities. He probably doesn't even label
himself as anything, just loves who he wants.
They don't talk if they're not prompted to and Seth loses his appetite when
Dean throws a questioning glance at him that he doesn't react to until the meal
is about to come to an end. Seth nods quickly before he changes his mind about
this. He's not dragging Dean into anything; his crush agreed to do this
voluntarily.
A hand on his thigh squeezes him gently, encouragingly, before Dean takes one
last sip of beer and opens his mouth. All the warmth leaves Seth's body as he
sits there, watching horrified how his biggest secret is about to be revealed.
There's no going back after tonight. Things will never be the same again.
If he's ready for that or not, he doesn't stop Dean, just listens to his friend
announcing, 'Mr and Mrs R, I got a confession to make. One can't live from
delivering pizza alone. Your son lied to you about my job.' It's almost
hilarious how his parents look at him like he stabbed them in the back, when in
reality Dean wasn't talking about him.
His mother seems even more irate that he told them the untruth, because it
shows once more that their family isn't as perfect as she'd like to claim. That
their first-born could the be a liar is, of course, unimaginable. Thankfully,
his friend is about to clear this little misapprehension up.
'No,' Dean chuckles, tousling Seth's hair affectionately and he instantly feels
bereft of the only source of warmth on his thigh that was keeping him alive.
'Your other son. You know, the one you always compare Seth to. Sam, it's Sam
right? Well, Sammy knows me – which is odd, considering what I'm doing for a
living.'
His crush pauses, the whole family hangs on his every word with trepidation,
finishing his plate as slowly as he possibly can, driving his parents insane.
Seth can see his mother fidget with the napkin while his father stares blankly
at Dean, willing him with his mind to keep on talking.
After taking his sweet time, the admission continues. 'Anyway, he deems my
profession not appropriate enough to be an acquaintance of your devoted
offspring.' There's so much sarcasm in there that Seth has to hide a smirk,
covering it up with a decent cough, but no one pays attention to him anyway.
His parents just stare at Dean with open mouths while his sister cracks another
alleged joke.
'Do you even understand half the words you just said?' Hannibal Lecter would
eat her right now. His friend snorts and looks back at Seth, exclaiming, 'I
like her. Girl's got some spunk.' Uh-huh.
Seth leans closer to the man while his parents shoot each other a confused
look. They can't believe that Samuel would ever dare lie to them. Welcome to
the real world. 'You mean you hate her,' he whispers, pointing at Sophie who
sticks her tongue out at him.
Dean doesn't even bother to lower his voice when he agrees with him. 'Totally.'
He can see it in the other's stormy blue eyes that he too didn't miss how his
mother didn't shush her this time and that he finally understands why Seth
spends his time anywhere but here.
'So, I tried to tell ya the very first night we met but as we all remember your
lovely son interrupted me, making me an ordinary delivery guy, when in fact you
should already know the name I go by – if that fancy sign on your door is
anything to go by.'
Sign? Oh, he means the one stating that both his parents are sexual therapists
and that their offices are in the house. While Seth starts to enjoy the
direction this is heading into, he can see his mother gripping the edge of the
table to steady herself, murmuring hopeless, 'I don't like where this is
going.'
Seth can imagine. Since they never saw Dean before, they can only have heard
from him. Which makes everything ten times worse than it already is.
He takes a large gulp of his water, not sure if he agrees with his mother or
not. For different reasons though. But nothing can hold Dean back now and Seth
doesn't have it in him to stop this anyway. He is tired of living a lie, of
hiding in the shadows.
Dean asks the most important question while Seth presses his mouth shut,
convinced that if he opens it, he'll have to vomit. He's sure his mother feels
the same. 'Know Cyberfights?' A fork falls down, clattering loudly and Seth
watches fascinated how the color drains out of his mom's face until she's as
white as a ghost.
Steven tries to stay in control while his wife loses her mind, already knowing
what Dean is about to say. 'The local company that combines professional
wrestling and sexual intercourse, yes. We have had some patients mentioning
it.'
Even Sophie seems to have understood the severity of the situation, begging
Dean to tell them he's just a camera guy or something as uninteresting as that.
You wish, Soph, he thinks bitterly; the disgust of his parents crashing over
him, making him feel appalled by his own flesh and blood. Now Dean's not so
attractive to his sister anymore. Shallow hag.
His crush doesn't even listen to her, just flashes a wide smile at everyone and
waves his hand around animatedly. 'Please, no need to sugarcoat anything. We
call ourselves porn wrestlers.'
Dead silence. Well, if one ignores Dean stuffing chicken and potatoes into his
mouth as if he hasn't eaten anything in years. He's a very good actor. If his
wrestling career won't work out, he can still star in millions of movies. He
should, actually. Even Seth – though he knows that this is a game – is
convinced that every word, every gesture is a hundred percent genuine.
'Your friend stars in pornographic movies?' His mother practically spits the
word into his face, as if she can't believe how he could ever dare bring
someone so perverted into her home. Well, she's in for another surprise, since
this is not the end of the confession. By now, he loves this whole pretend
boyfriend thing.
He'll be forever grateful that Dean proposed this idea to him and was okay with
doing it full-time too. Seth would be lost without his friend taking matters
into his capable hands. Quite frankly, he'd generally be lost without the man.
Funny how he can't imagine a life without him anymore.
Funny and really, really scary.
Dean laughs, rudely pointing at his mom's chest while saying with a full mouth,
'Ha, shee? There'sh your shecond mishtake. I'm not just his fri–' 'Hang on.'
Why does his father interrupt the most important line of the night? Dean was
just about to expose that he's Seth's boyfriend but of course there's something
else his dad is concerned about.
Looking into the stern face of him, Seth thinks he knows what this is about.
And to be honest, he can understand his father's worries. Oh, this is going to
be good too.
'What name do you go by?' By now Steven has probably realized that a lot of the
patients he treated that once worked for Cyberfights might have been talking
about his own son's friend. As soon as Dean will say his gimmick name out loud
his parents will know for sure.
It's still a miracle to Seth how Dean can remain so calm about this whole
delicate matter. At least a dozen people claim he has screwed up their lives
thanks to how he treated them on the job, but he is somehow able to not burden
himself with the guilt. Or he just hides it very well.
Dean meets his dad's gaze head-on, promising in an ominous tone, 'You'll like
that one.' His father raises his eyebrows sceptically and shakes his head,
muttering 'I highly doubt it.' His mother and sister are awfully quiet, though
Sophie doesn't look as scandalized as everyone else sitting at the table.
His crush only grins, retorting, 'Yeah, probably. Guess I am notorious. Pleased
to meet ya. Jon Moxley, at your service.' Seth expected another weird silence,
but this time his father has a ready tongue. The name Moxley probably lets all
his alarm bells ring loudly.
Without further ado, his dad accuses Dean, 'You ruined a lot of people's
minds.' So all those guys who filed a complaint against Dean went to see either
his father or his mother, which is probably the worst impression they can get
from his soon-to-be boyfriend. He can only imagine what those people told them
in private. By the looks of his parents' faces it wasn't anything good.
Dean makes everything worse by shrugging apathetically. 'We all make mistakes.
Can't change the past anymore.' That's the first honest sentence that has left
the other's mouth tonight and even though it sounds harsh, Seth is glad that he
has said it.
Sophie suddenly butts in, apparently having adjusted her strategy. If she can't
have Dean because he's tarnished and used, she doesn't want Seth to have him
either, doing everything to make sure their parents will chain him to a rusty
pipe if necessary, so he'll never see the love of his life again.
'Now, please do me a favor and finish that sentence of yours. You're not just
his what?' 'Sophie, go to your room,' his mother finally finds her voice again,
even if it's shrill and on the verge of being panicked. They really must have
heard terrible things about Dean's alter ego if her terror and dislike
increased to this level.
His sister crosses her arms over her chest, pouting, 'No way. I'm going to
listen to this anyway and you all know it, so I might as well stay.' She's
right, Seth wouldn't do it any differently; he can't even blame her for being
so stubborn and curious.
Dean clears his throat and his voice booms through the room, sending a pleasant
shiver down Seth's spine. He's going to do it. The moment is finally here.
Strangely, he feels calm and ready for everything that is about to happen. 'Ah,
what the hell. I'm the boyfriend of this genius. By the way, your son's gay.'
Seth is barely able to not laugh out loud; the way Dean just said that – so
matter-of-factly, as if he's talking about the weather or the latest football
results – takes the sting out of everything. And observing his whole family
being shocked into silence is so goddamn satisfying. If only Sam could be here
to see this.
Dean hums contently, feigning perfectly to feel sorry and ashamed. 'Should've
probably said that one first. Kinda takes all the fun out of watching your
faces when I do this.' And with that he cups Seth's cheeks in his perfectly
steady hands to pull him in and kiss him with a lot of tongue and a little bit
of lip biting.
All in all, it's resurrecting that boner he buried earlier but right now he
couldn't care less. His parents' indignant gasps are almost as good as the
kiss. Okay, no, they're nowhere near as awesome as his crush sucking the air
right out of his lungs, but who keeps track of these things anyway?
Dean lets go of him way too soon and resumes to eat the meager rest of his
chicken with the biggest, most carefree smirk plastered on his face, throwing
an amused glance around the table and jutting his chin towards his mother.
'There gonna be any dessert?'
It's so surreal that this time, Seth can't suppress a fond snort that, in
return, elicits a genuine smile from Dean. Heartfelt emotions being exchanged
between them is probably the thing that finally does the trick for his family
to break out of their stupor. His father is able to gather his thoughts first,
hissing disdainfully, 'You should leave.'
His friend shakes his head determinedly, placing a protective arm around his
shoulders. 'Nope. No chance in hell am I gonna leave my boy with you right
now.'
Seth appreciates the concern but he knows this will get more than just ugly and
he doesn't want Dean to be here to witness it, in fear the other will blow
things off before they can do this little show at his school too. Who can tell
when all of this will be too much for Dean?
'It's okay,' he says, rubbing his friend over the stomach to keep up the facade
and to touch Dean one last time tonight. He doesn't even care about his family
seeing it – this is only for himself.
Dean breaks character too and gives Seth a tender, very real feeling kiss on
the lips before he gets up. As soon as he's at the door he winks back at him,
hollering, 'Call me later, hot stuff.' His mother lets out a high-pitched,
squeaky sound, her face turning red. Seems like she finally found her inner
She-Hulk.
This, oh this will definitely change things around here.
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Summary
     'Don't worry. He refuses to do anything with me until I'm eighteen.'
Chapter Notes
     You guys left me speechless with all your lovely comments on the last
     chapter. I couldn't stop grinning the whole day. This and the next
     chapter are shorter ones, sorry for that. But it means quicker
     updates. Thank you all so much (I know I repeat myself but I really
     mean it). Without you I'd be nothing *hugs you all*
Warning for a special someone: Seth's family appears in this chapter. As
always, proceed with caution, sweetie.
                  Act Twelve: the wrong elephant in the room
After Dean left, Sophie had to go upstairs while his parents ushered him to the
living room and went to do the dishes before they would talk to him. They're
probably thinking let him brood about what he has done to us while we come up
with a punishment.
It's not really helping his case, but Seth sits on the couch, listening to his
parents whisper aggressively in the kitchen and the clattering of china,
grinning from ear to ear. He's never been so happy and he thinks it's because
he finally came out to his family.
The times of hiding who he is are over and now his parents can get used to the
idea of Seth and Dean together, because one day they will be in a real
relationship. Sure, his friend is not the person he pretended to be this
evening, but there was some of the real him shining through.
They either accept Seth and whoever partner he brings home or they can go screw
themselves. Seth is done making compromises that only benefit his parents.
He starts to listen more carefully to what they argue about in the kitchen,
frowning when he hears how differently his parents react to this dilemma. His
mom sounds beyond embarrassed and pissed while his dad is only disappointed and
a bit distant.
Seth can imagine that he most likely feels let down by his son's choice of a
first boyfriend or angry that he and Dean made them look like fools with their
performance tonight. He is insanely proud of what they did now that he sees his
father being so affected by it.
They should have made out more in front of their eyes. Wasn't that the whole
point of Dean's little lesson in his bedroom earlier?
He has no more time to think about this because his parents finally enter the
room, both with blotchy red faces as well as furious eyes, and demand to sit
down on the couch. So Seth gets up and lounges on the armchair, trying to
pretend he doesn't care about the inevitable sentence or their opinion about
all of this. It's not even hard to feign it.
Oddly enough, the first thing his father asks is, 'Why did you never tell us
about your sexuality?' Well, he didn't expect that turn of events. Seth is
visibly taken aback by this question; he thought they'd cut right to the chase
of the matter and complain about the porn actor slash wrestler boyfriend.
Seth needs a while to collect his thoughts, rage seething inside of him. It's
so typical for his father to make a big deal out of his sexuality, to make it
sound as if Seth is the bad guy for hiding this. Not after he overheard how he
always gossiped about the former employees of Cyberfights after their therapy
sessions.
His parents made Seth believe for the longest time that they'd never accept him
being one of their kind. Which is so ironic, since he is one of them now and
Dean was only the stone that set everything in motion, not the lone perpetrator
that lured Seth into his demise.
'What difference does it make?' he counters, pushing back the glasses on his
nose. 'I'm still me and you don't seem to care about the middle child anyway.
So me being gay doesn't change a thing.' Maybe it's because they are sexual
therapists, but they set way too much value upon unimportant stuff like that.
'Why him though?' Ah, there they go. She probably had a hard time holding her
emotions in check while his father tried to get a different kind of clarity
first. But she's finally asking the good questions. 'It's as if you want to
penalize us.'
Of course. Make this all about yourself. 'Punish you?' Excuse him. What has his
love life to do with his parents? Fury makes the hair on his arms stand and his
nostrils flare, but he doesn't want to explode just yet. The conversation has
only begun. 'By finding someone Ilove?'
This is so ridiculous. They should be happy for him. Should be thankful he
knows what he wants instead of accusing him of doing this to spite them. Which
yeah, is the truth, but he still is madly in love with Dean. Them faking a
relationship is the only thing that's made up. And Seth will do everything to
change that, no matter what anyone – even Roman – says.
'He's,' his mother starts one of her tirades of hate but Seth has already had
enough. He knows exactly what she thinks of his friend. No more talk about Dean
not being decent enough for him. He's sick of that special brand of bullshit.
Isn't Seth the only one who gets to decide who he wants to spend his time with?
'Perfect,' he finishes her sentence, his voice rising against his will. He's so
tired of people judging Dean because of his job. If that isn't some
compartmentalization right there, he doesn't know. And his parents always
preach to not do that.
But everything is always so easy and doable if it doesn't concern the own
family. Ugh.
His mother shakes her head, her light brown hair starting to fall out of the
bun she made in the morning. She's close to shedding tears because Seth is so
stubborn and blinded by his teenage love. Or so she thinks. 'No, son.' Son, not
honey, dear or sweetie. Look at that.
'You only think that because he–' Stop right there, self-righteous, lying
witch. 'No, mother.' Yeah, how does that feel? He should start calling her by
her name too, so the gap between them turns into a gigantic canyon. It couldn't
be any icier in the room. 'He doesn't promise me anything, he's not buying my
affection with stupid gifts, not trying to do me any favors.'
Dean is a real gentleman, but he can't tell his parents. Not after the show
they pulled off tonight. That'd be too surreal to believe and Seth doesn't want
to ruin this.
His father sighs and adds in that quiet, passive tone, 'I've heard things about
him, Seth. He's no good.' Why? Because he fucks people for a living? Because he
made mistakes like everyone else on this blasted planet? 'I know.'
This probably shocks his parents the most. That he's completely aware of and
okay with Dean's past. It makes them realize how close he and their nemesis
already are and it scares them to death. They might lose their perfect
reputation because one of their children won't stop stepping out of line.
'But look, no one new complained about him for over two years now, right?' That
has to mean something. His father though isn't soothed by this in the
slightest. He sadly has that irritating mindset once a failure, always a
failure. There are no second chances in this family.
'He's dangerous,' his dad claims rigorously and Seth rolls his eyes. Oh,
please. He's run riot in the past, but Dean isn't a bad person at his very
core. He's funny and thoughtful, compassionate and wild. A bit weird but that
makes him even more adorable.
Seth refuses to make any excuses for his misbehavior, that's why he pointed
those things out in the meeting at work already. Dean has changed and he won't
allow his parents to see him and his gimmick as one person. He doesn't need
their blessing, yet he knows that if they don't come around their family will
be broken forever.
'No,' he tries anew, 'that's just Jon, his character. Dean is– dad, he's nice.
He just had a rough past but I'm fully aware of all of it.' Liar. Another lie
added to the big pile of crap he's already done today. So what if he doesn't
know everything that happened before Dean joined Cyberfights? It sure wasn't
that bad.
Besides, Seth is already informed of the addictions and Dean's struggle to get
his life back in order. He is aware of the past he shared with Roman and his
various relationships. Most of that still doesn't quite matter to him because
Seth only judges what he has seen and experienced himself.
'People make mistakes but they also deserve that someone sees them for who they
are now and not who they once were.' That sounds reasonable and grown up. It
even makes his father look at him as if he is indeed contemplating his words,
as if he wants to believe in his son's choice as much as Seth does. Holy hell,
what's wrong now? He's not used to someone in this house agreeing with him.
'You're still a minor,' his mother breaks the silence, hell-bent on driving her
point home. 'I need to tell someone.' Oh hell to the no. This is none of her
business. Seth is old enough to make his own decisions. She never bothered to
meddle with his life before and now that he introduced Dean as his boyfriend
she's all over him, trying to be a responsible, protective mom.
Not with him. He's not that gullible anymore. 'Don't worry. He refuses to do
anything with me until I'm eighteen.'His mother looks at him dismayed,
undoubtedly imagining how Seth keeps on bugging Dean to finally have sex with
him while the older whispers seductively into his ear that he wants to make it
special the night he'll finally turn legal only to take his virginity in the
back of a dirty van before he dumps him since he's had his fun.
It's fascinating how she blanches all over again, shaking her head numbly,
mumbling slightly maniacally, 'He's a porn actor.'
So that's all she's really worried about. 'And wrestler,' he adds petulant,
almost putting his feet on the ground to stomp like a tantrum throwing kid. Why
does everyone keep forgetting that not so insignificant detail? Maybe he should
tell them that Dean will have the promising tryouts at the beginning of March,
but he doesn't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing he might be gone
for good when a huge company will eventually take him.
'A porn actor,' his mother repeats sternly, like this is the only thing Dean's
ever done his entire life. The sole criterion that decides who he is. He never
thought his parents would turn out to be so superficial. He had a vague idea
but the truth is very saddening.
'You singing the same old song doesn't make it any better.' He's so done with
this judgmental shit. Because they now not only insult Dean, but all the other
people he met at Cyberfights who are so damn nice even though they star in
those movies, like Dolph or Roman and his entire Samoan family.
None of them are a hundred percent like their gimmicks and yet his parents have
nothing better to do than to condemn them all.
'I'm very disappointed in you, young man.' Oh jeez, seriously? How many times
does he have to convince his parents that Dean is not a bad person? That he's
as acceptable as anyone else, simply because Seth likes him. If Sam would turn
up with a porn starlet one day, telling his parents he'd marry her, they'd be
more than overwhelmed, congratulating him for his excellent choice because he
surely saved her from her bad, bad life and made it a better one.
Fuck this shit. Fuck them.
'Dean's good.' Definitely worthy enough for him, maybe even better than he
deserves, but he's not wasting any thought about that now. Seth can't do
anything right in their opinion anyway. If today proved one thing, it's that
Dean means the world to Seth and that he's willing to defend him until his
death.
He also wants the man in his life by all means necessary. At the moment he'd
even run away to live on the road together with him as soon as the tryouts are
over. Childish reaction or not, the heart wants what the heart wants.
His father shakes his head minutely, the light brown eyes throwing him a
disapproving glance. 'I don't mean your poor choice of a boyfriend. Let's safe
that for another discussion. I meant you hiding something so important from us.
I meant the way we were presented with the truth.'
Okay, he admits that he could have done that differently, that he could have
broken the news by going easy on them. But they wouldn't even have spared a
thought at it if he'd just told them. It had to be a big deal.
'Dad, I,' he attempts to defend himself, but his father interrupts him,
announcing tiredly, 'You're grounded.' What, for coming out or for loving
someone that's a failure in his parents' eyes? His mother goes the extra mile,
answering Seth's unasked question with her next order.
'And you'll never see that man again.' The latter then. That's the biggest
letdown of the night. They can't even try to accept Dean for Seth's sake. 'But
mom,' he groans, not happy with her refusing to use Dean's name, as if saying
it would give her an STD.
'To your room,' she shrieks, not able to keep her cool, so Seth just shrugs and
mutters defiantly, 'You two know how this is gonna end.' He's a teenager after
all, brainy or not. He'll sneak out to see Dean and there's nothing they can do
to stop him.
His father narrows his eyes – it's a warning, but Seth never thought he'd hear
the following words again. 'Don't force us to send you to live with your aunt
in Davenport.' Really? Threatening with deportation? As soon as the unloved son
marches to a different drummer he gets banished. For the second time, he might
add. Whatever is necessary to save the reputation, to keep up the facade of the
picture-perfect family.
Even if he wouldn't have fallen for Dean, he'd still be sure this scam was the
right thing to do. He can now see everything that is wrong with his parents and
the life he's been living.
He has to say it, has to express his feelings somehow. Seth still can't believe
that he's the only one being reasonable at the moment. 'Who's being childish
now?' 'Seth,' his mother screams, her face an ugly shade of red. He's sure if
she could, she'd spit some fire at him now.
Before he does a Smaug and dragon sickness reference Seth gets up, leaving them
behind not because they instructed him to but because he has nothing left to
say, except for one thing. 'And you seriously asked me why I never tell you
anything. You know nothingabout me or my life and after this you sure as death
never will.'
He refuses to turn around when his mother repeats his name sharply,
demandingly; he doesn't ever want to see their faces again. All he wishes to do
now is to speak with Dean – he shouldn't have sent him away, not only because
he couldn't handle what happened all by himself but also since he longs for the
other every second of the day, even if they're in the same building –, but he
fears he's not stable enough to do that just yet.
This conversation shattered something inside of him that can't ever be fixed
again. He feels a bit forlorn, like he just lost his parents forever. To make
things even worse, he has to listen to his mother spit out more hateful things
while he walks up the stairs. She's not even trying to keep it down. There go
her manners as it would seem.
'I will call this, this company, Cyberfights, first thing in the morning. They
need to know that one of their– their– one of theirs is ruining our son's very
promising life.' Yeah, because that's what she should concentrate on right now.
'Oh God, Steve, that man had his member everywhere already. He has touched
myriads of people and now he's straddling our son with his dirty, filthy hands.
He'll taint him, Steven. You have to do something about this. We can't allow
him to have this relationship. He's revolting and–'
Seth doesn't even want to listen to the rest, just slams his door shut as
forcefully as he can to show them he heard every insult they threw at Dean. He
never thought it would bother him so much, but he's fighting back the tears
with all his willpower.
He's hurting so badly, even though he and Dean just pretend to be together.
Knowing for sure what his family thinks of him, of Dean – someone they didn't
even give a proper chance –, of his choice in partners, his judgment has broken
him.
They don't trust their own son one bit and prejudge Dean because of his
profession. Now, more than ever, Seth wants this thing between them to blossom,
to become reality because he knows that Dean is the one. As cheesy as it might
sound, but Seth is a thousand percent sure of that.
He is so busy with containing the boiling rage, leaning against the door as if
he wants to jam it, that he doesn't even realize there's a shadow blocking the
moonlight from falling onto his bed.
Dean scares the pants off Seth when he whispers all of a sudden, 'Still think
it's a good idea?' He clutches his chest, biting on his bottom lip to not
scream like a frightened child.
Oh no. Dean never left. Which means he went through the trouble of climbing up
the garage next to Seth's room to sit on the window bench; staying close to be
here should all hell break loose. He doesn't even need to ask if he overheard
everything, it's obvious after his question.
He takes a few steps towards the other to stand awkwardly in the middle of the
room for a few seconds – fighting the overwhelming urge to yell I'm so sorry, I
never wanted you to listen to all thatover and over again –, before he closes
the distance between them and hugs Dean hard, almost throwing both of them out
of the window in the process.
'Nothing wrong with the truth,' he murmurs into the other's ear, holding on for
his dear life. Seth wants Dean to know that everything he said down there is
exactly what he means. He is desperately in love and he doesn't mind anymore
that the other knows.
His friend doesn't answer, he must have been aware of this for a while already,
but Seth couldn't care less. He wanted this evening to help him tell everyone
the truth and that includes Dean. There's a hand running through his hair and
the last thing Seth can make out is a soothing shush.
Then all the haunting events of the past ten hours conquer him and the tears
start to roll uncontrollably. His life is so fucked up.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Summary
     'All I'm asking you to do is– think this through for once, okay? It
     ain't a game for him.'
Chapter Notes
     You guys shower me with so much love, I fear that one day I'll
     disappoint you. Until that day, have fun lovelies!
                      Act Thirteen: a whole new ball game
With everything that happened, Seth is completely overwhelmed the moment he
walks into Cyberfights the next afternoon, ice tea in his hand, a huge relieved
smile on his lips. Finally he's where he belongs. He takes off his beanie and
greets Paige, who waves him back once he wants to walk past her.
'Got a bizarre call today,' she announces, leaning back in her chair while her
curious brown eyes roam over him. 'Your secret admirer?' She must have at least
ten, especially because of her British accent. For some reason Americans really
dig that. He personally prefers the Spanish one, but hey. Whatever floats
people's boats.
Paige grins, revealing an impressive set of pearly white teeth. 'I wish. Was a
certain Dr. Rollins.' Oh no. Oh God, no. This can't be happening. He should
have known that her words yesterday weren't just an empty threat.
'She did it.' He never thought she'd really go through with it. His mother
never cared about him his entire life and now that he's genuinely happy she's
hell-bent on interfering?
Paige takes out a nail file to do her nails; the gesture showing him that she
too thinks that was totally overexaggerated and uncalled for. 'If it means
complain about an alleged sexual relationship between her son – a Seth Rollins,
if that name rings any bells – and one of our employees called Dean. No last
name. Or rather Jon Moxley.'
Dread starts to pool in his gut the longer she keeps on talking. How far did
his mother take this? Did she get Dean into serious trouble? Furthermore, did
he lose his internship? Is he still welcome here after everything? He'd never
forgive her if she has cost him this opportunity.
'What happened?' he croaks out, not sure if he wants to know the answer. Paige
sighs and puts the nail file aside, looking him in the eyes, a tired smile
dancing over her pretty face. 'You just had to be the son of the one couple
that encouraged most of our former actors to leave the company and press
charges against us.'
'That was all my family?' He never thought the examples of bad relationships in
their self-help books were about some of his co-workers. So he read about
people feeling and being abused by Dean before he even knew him? This is so
weird. Now he wishes he'd never opened those goddamn guides out of curiosity
and his sense of obligation.
Paige nods fervently, her black hair, that now has several blue strands too,
falling softly over her shoulders. 'Oh yes. Who at Cyberfights would ever
forget how they insisted that Jon was a monster and unstable – hence his
Lunatic Fringe gimmick, cause he thought it was ludicrous enough to make it
entirely his –, Claudio a manipulator and Randall a vicious viper. And those
were only the funniest charges.'
Hunter probably keeps a whole manila folder about each guy his parents wanted
to see in jail in his office, so no one can stumble over the accusations by
accident. He's sometimes heard them talk about their cases – without using
names of course – when they thought they were alone in the house or just forgot
that he was still there, but he never thought he'd one day get to meet the
people they were arguing about, let alone that they'd become his family.
Seth has never been so glad that he didn't tell them the truth about where he
works, since they'd probably tear this company apart if they knew. Not to safe
their son from all these bad people. No. They'd do it so no one would find out
that their own offspring has been part of a company that employs sexual
molesters.
They'd freak out if they knew that their underage son has already illegally
appeared in a porn movie and is in possession of a fake ID – all thanks to
Dean, who will be the only one facing all the consequences should anyone get
wind of it; that was Hunter's sole condition to agree to this risky plan –
which allows him to be part of the shootings until he turns eighteen in a few
months.
'I'm so sorry.' He is. Especially because he's friends with some of these guys
now, is aware that it's not who they really are and that things around here
already changed to the better.
Seth understands that some people weremistreated in the past, he's not going to
turn a blind eye on that fact, but they've all started to work on themselves,
so stuff like that won't ever happen again.
Hunter has listened to all his proposals, has promised to modify a few things
around here. Cyberfights is not that bad or otherwise Seth would have already
bolted after reading some of the complaints when he had to clean out that
office. He doesn't want to have anything to do with the company Cyberfights
once was, but things seem to have gotten better ever since Triple H took over.
As long as his parents only know one side of the story, they shouldn't do this
to people like Dean and Roman, who work their butts off – literally – to
entertain, to give people some reprieve from their real lives; even if it's
just for a little while. Cyberfights is kind of their second chance since they
failed to make it out there. This company is a refuge and he doesn't want his
parents to take that away from anyone.
Paige waves his concern off and leans back in her chair once more, her shirt
rucking up a bit to reveal a navel piercing. 'People love to judge, even if
they have no clue what they're talking about.' Sad yet true. But still. His own
mother called here and made a scene. It can't get any worse than that.
'So, I listened to your mother telling me details about the former whereabouts
of Dean's johnson and how you're an innocent, delicate creature that withers
away because Dean is stealing your sunlight.' What? 'Please tell me you're
making this up.' Though it sounds exactly like his mom. Complicated and just
about stupid enough to be true.
'Did you know she calls my boys nothing more than street workers? Getting paid
to abuse and degrade other people?' Sounds awfully familiar. God, he wishes he
could rip his ears off, so he'll never have to hear those words again.
Paige chuckles and watches him with her hawk-like eyes before she takes a sip
from his drink and holds up a post-it. 'I told her that I have never heard of a
Seth Rollins,' she says in a conspiratorial voice and Seth reads the note,
remembering very vividly how he wrote it as a matter of prudence – If anyone,
especially a Rollins, asks, Seth Rollins doesnot work here –, 'and that our
employees have better things to do than seduce minors.'
She sticks the note back at the corner of her desktop, so that Summer Rae and
Emma will see it as soon as they look at the computer. He suddenly feels a very
deep, thankful kind of affection for the woman. She's like a little ray of
sunshine in the dark and cloudy world his mother threw him in with her stupid
stunt.
'Mrs Rollins then wanted to talk to someone who wouldn't sass her, so I passed
the call a person who knew what to do. Roman.' Rome? Of all people. 'Oh, oh.'
That means trouble. A lot. Also a possible beheading. The Samoan will eat him
alive.
Paige's smile turns malicious and she says in a too sweet tone, 'He's waiting
for you in his office.' Believe him, Seth has no intention of going up there.
After all, he loves living. 'With or without a weapon?' he wants to know,
staring at his ice tea in her hands to not see the glee on her pretty face.
'With Dean.'
Now that doesn't exactly make things any better. Or gives him much hope. After
having to deal with his overzealous mother, Roman must be beyond pissed and
Dean's I don't give a fuck attitude probably isn't very helpful either. 'In
case I don't make it out alive, I always liked you the most.'
Paige holds up her hands defensively, shaking her head with a mocking glint in
her eyes. 'No chance, pumpkin. Your mom made it very clear that I'm not smart
enough for her prodigy son; you know, working at the front desk and all.' She
ducks her head as if his mother really hurt her, fanning herself with quivering
lips.
His co-worker is obviously making fun of the insults, but he's still ashamed
Sara went this far and even insulted someone as lovely as her. 'I am so, so
sorry.' This gorgeous woman is anything but stupid. If he'd be straight or even
remotely bisexual, he'd totally have the hots for her. She is funny, quick-
witted, rebellious and so unbelievably nice.
'She's freaking out because Dean told her he's working here.' Paige laughs out
loud, a red light starting to flash on her phone but she ignores it for now to
finish their conversation. See? She's an amazing person that he'd love to call
a friend one day. 'I could tell. Now stop stalling for time and go. Roman
doesn't like to wait and if he's in rage mode he might just kill your
sweetheart.'
'We're not really,' he tries to deflect – even though her words are balm for
the soul – but she won't have any of that. 'Oh please, my sweet muffin. It's
just a matter of time. Everyone here knows.' So there isa betting pool. This
day just had to go from bad to worse.
He steps into the elevator while Paige answers the call, waving him goodbye
with a playful wink that cheers him up until the moment he stands in front of
Roman's office door. This is so humiliating. He's sure they never before had
this kind of trouble and he hates his mother for getting him into this jam.
She didn't even talk to him first or ask him about his feelings, what Dean
means to him, if he knows who the man truly is and so on. The normal my son has
his first boyfriend and I care a lottalk. No, she just took matters in her
incapable hands and gave Paige and Roman the dirt on his crush.
The only person who would do anything to make Seth feel better. The one who
takes care of him day and night.
He knocks hesitantly, hoping that Dean didn't drive Roman up the wall yet and
opens the door when there's an enervated, 'Come in.' Uh oh, that doesn't sound
good.
'Paige said you wanted to see me.' He steps into the room and sees Dean sitting
on a chair, his legs resting on the windowsill, looking like nothing could ever
faze him. If anything, he seems to find this whole situation amusing. Only Dean
can get shit on and still think it's funny. Seth really envies that attitude so
much. Though he sometimes wishes the other would take things more serious.
'Yes,' Roman answers brusquely, impatiently waving him to come closer and take
a seat. The Samoan does look ticked off; awfully tired too. There are huge,
dark circles beneath his eyes and he seems kind of restless. The problems he
has at home really start to wear him down and to make things worse, Seth and
Dean behave like little children.
'Your mom called today, threatened to sue Cyberfights if Dean dares to come
near you again. Now you two retards explain to me the fuck's going on.' He
throws Seth a stern look that clearly says I trusted you to not interfere with
his wrestling ambitions.
Fudge, Seth didn't get anyone into trouble, did he? That really wasn't his
intention. He just wanted to give his parents the shock of their life – mission
accomplished, by the way – and be close to his crush at the same time.
Dean clears his throat and rolls his eyes at his best friend. 'I already told
you. I pretend to be his boyfriend to buff up his reputation at school and, my
specialty, to piss off his parents.'
It's quiet for a moment, Roman pinching the bridge of his nose as if a headache
is about to bring him down to his knees. He then snarls at Dean, 'You've done
that perfectly. Well done you.' Wow, that's oozing with sarcasm and doesn't
bother his companion at all.
Roman then tries his luck with Seth, turning towards him and suddenly the anger
from before is back. 'Pretend? That's all it is?' His tongue is as heavy as a
brick and he throws a quick glance at Dean who, of course, wears his trademark
smirk that says everything and nothing at all.
Seth doesn't know if it's better to answer no, for now or lie right at Rome's
face. Three very tempting options. Thankfully Dean saves him once more. 'Ro,
it's okay. We know what we're doing.' Are they? Because Seth is clueless how to
proceed or where this will lead them to.
'I'm still gonna go to the tryouts, Seth still wants to go to college.' Does
he? Yes, he got the acceptance letter but he's hiding it under his bed, so he
doesn't have to deal with it. How can Dean be so sure about everything? 'I
won't let this chance pass by.'
They should have a talk about their future. Not just the fake boyfriend part.
Like, right now. Especially because Dean seems to have an idea what the future
will hold for them, that the heck they're going to be.
Roman sighs defeated, rubbing over his face tiredly. 'What am I supposed to do
with your hysteric mom? We can't have her sue us.' So he's fine with them being
boyfriends. No pesky argument or what happened to our agreement? Nothing. Why
can't he believe that?
'Don't worry, she won't,' Seth promises hurriedly, too hyped that the Samoan
lets them get away with this for now. 'She'd never risk her name in the papers
right next to Cyberfights'. She will only take it out on me.' So to speak,
he'll take one for the team, especially since this is his fault anyway.
His big friend stares at them for a very long time – Seth crumbling under his
exasperated glare, Dean meeting it head-on. 'You're dismissed.' He made it and
he still has all his limbs. Seth is certain that Roman went easy on him because
Dean was in the room, but he counts this as a victory nonetheless.
He closes the door, doesn't move though, staying behind to eavesdrop on them
since he has this distinct feeling that this conversation isn't over yet.
It's awfully quiet for a while, and Seth's body tenses, since he's not allowed
to make a single sound or he might blow his cover. If only he could look into
the office through the glass walls, but he's trapped behind this wooden door.
He's sure he'll fall to one side any moment when a voice finally rings out.
'You know what you're doing with him?'
Dean laughs derogatory, stating a bit proudly, 'I never know what I'm doing.'
That doesn't sound too good but if he's being honest with himself, he isn't
surprised that Dean said that. Especially because he's a live for the moment,
cross my bridges when I get there type.
Roman moans grumpily, making Seth's chest swell with something akin to love
because it sounds like the Samoan cares a lot about him. Which is astounding,
considering his recent erratic behavior that leaves Seth puzzled all the time.
'Don't promise something you can't give him in the end. His mom was right with
one thing. Kid's got a bright future ahead.'
Anyone ever thought that maybe he doesn't want to have this so-called bright,
academic future? What if he's way happier here, sweating in the ring; not as a
porn actor, but as a wrestler?
Dean's voice is laced with anger when he speaks up next. 'So even my own buddy
is convinced that I couldn't give him anything. That I have nothing to offer,
because I'm basically a living sex doll.'
'Don't be like that,' Rome retorts immediately, groaning so loud that even Seth
can hear it very clearly. 'I know you could. I just ain't sure you should.'
Whoa, what is that supposed to mean? Wasn't the point of his whole Dean is
dangerous speech to keep Seth at bay? Because now it sounds as if Dean would be
perfect for him, but Roman doesn't want it to come true; thanks to him being a
Rollins and generally too young. Or someone's lingering feelings that won't go
away.
What is Roman really concerned about?
'Look at it like this, it's a test version of a relationship. Anything could
happen.' That's a good answer. One that doesn't scare the living daylights out
of Seth either. Dean is very diplomatic. More than he ever thought him capable
of.
'That's what I'm afraid of.' As one of Dean's former partners, Roman should
know what he's talking about. Was Dean such a bad boyfriend? Seth still has
some difficulty believing it. The man he got to know is so different from the
one in Rome's stories, though that person matches with what he read in his
parents' books.
Man, this couldn't be more confusing. What would Lita say in this moment? Trust
your own judgment, sunshine. That he shall do. If Dean would be such a horrible
human being, surely Roman would have cut him out of his life already. The
Samoan seems like someone who would have no hesitation whatsoever doing that.
'Don't you want me to be happy?' It sounds as if Dean's asked that with a smile
on his lips that's close to being cold and calculating. The whole question has
a sharp edge to it and Seth is really glad he's no longer perched in the room
with these two.
'You know I do, dickhead. All I'm asking you to do is– think this through for
once, okay? It ain't a game for him.'
So Roman is indeed worried about Seth not being able to differentiate between
pretense and reality. Quite frankly, it's an insult to his intelligence, but he
still appreciates the sentiment. Rome is a great guy; jealous and over-
protective ex-lover of his crush or not, Seth is starting to like this guy like
his brother.
He's almost forgotten that Dean still owes his best friend – and Seth, even
though no one knows he's listening in on them – an answer and when he's able to
make out the other's next words, his mouth drops open and his heart stutters
inside his ribcage.
'Who says it is for me?'
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     Seth can't believe that this man sitting right next to him is his. Or
     will be his in the future. Hopefully. Right now, Dean is his pretend-
     his, so that counts too, doesn't it?
Chapter Notes
     Since today is my 30th birthday (shhhh ;_;) I thought I could
     surprise you all with a double update. Love you all!
   Warning for a special someone: Seth's family appears in this chapter. As
                    always, proceed with caution, sweetie.
                       Act Fourteen: step it up a notch
Seth is grounded for life, but miraculously still allowed to work – since his
parents firmly believe he has an internship at a renown architect's office –,
spending as little time at home as he can. He excuses this with the lie that
his boss landed a big gig and needs every helping hand.
When he is at home, he does the usual stuff. Homework, learning for school,
texting with Dean, ignoring the rest of his family. Being grounded is
practically not any different from his everyday life here.
He still refuses to fake dump Dean, simply because he loves to see their
bewildered faces every time they want to convince him he's so much better off
without the man. Like they know him at all. Sure, they have heard everything
about Jon Moxley, but when will they understand that Dean and his gimmick are
two completely different people?
Dean changed his workout schedule to be done with everything when Seth finally
arrives at Cyberfights in the late afternoon, so he can sit in his office and
talk to him while Seth does his paperwork or ponders over the production
schedule.
On his desktop there's a video playing on mute – it's Wade squaring off against
Dolph – and even though he should pay attention because he has to decide if
they got all angles covered and the video is ready to go to the post-production
department, he's not even looking at it, thanks to Dean speaking about the time
he and Roman had an affair and Seth is dying to hear every last bit of that
story.
Not only since the other is very reluctant to reveal anything about his past
and only shares things Seth already has at least some tiny knowledge of. It's
Dean's way of opening up at his own pace and Seth is more than happy that his
crush is trying.
They haven't discussed anything important yet – like where this pretend thing
between them is supposed to go or what kind of feelings Dean has towards him –
but Seth thinks they're on a good way.
'I can't be here on the weekend,' he apologizes after his friend stopped
talking a few minutes ago, completing his story about Roman and him using their
peculiar work schedule to their advantage to dick around the whole day. No pun
intended. Seth still can't believe how both of them could do it with Roman's
wife being pregnant, but he's not entitled to judge anyone.
They're both grown-ups and should know what they're doing. He just thinks that
if you're unhappy in a relationship and you'd like to sleep with someone else –
or fell in love with another person – then you should have the guts to break up
first. No need to hurt someone so profoundly. Especially if there's a kid
involved.
Dean looks at him and, Seth is not kidding, he's pouting. 'I thought you wanted
to learn submission moves to defend yourself.' Look at that; someone will miss
him.
He still wants to take these self-defense lessons, he loves each training
session he has with Dean because he's the only one really pushing him to his
limits in the ring, but this weekend he just can't.
As nice and gentle his crush generally is around him, that changes once they
are inside the squared circle. It's not that he suddenly turns into Jon – Seth
would stop working on his move set if that were the case –, no, Dean just
really likes to spur him on, animating him until he is ready to pass out.
He's not once been going easy on him, somehow knowing that Seth could take it.
Roman, Jimmy and Marek treat him like the greenhorn he is, which is nice for a
change but he sometimes thinks that only Dean has blind faith in him. The other
even allows him to do top rope stuff, like Moonsaults and Frankensteiner,
though he always makes sure to guide him through the move, hands on his body
like his teacher in PE.
It might seem unsafe to train like this – getting thrown into icy water and
having to swim without knowing how to do that – but Dean's there with him all
along the way. If he deems something too risky, he'll deny Seth the wish
immediately.
Once he asked if the other would show him how to do a Corkscrew Moonsault,
since he already could execute the normal one in his sleep – starting to learn
it by doing a backflip with Dean's assistance on the mat to work his way up the
various ropes until he knew how much power to put in the jump. Then they worked
on landing on his belly instead of his feet, and boy did that hurt at first,
like bellyflops at the swimming pool, until he could perfectly assess the
distance of a lying opponent – but Dean told him to put that idea right out of
his mind.
Corkscrews need a lot of extra training and Seth should learn the basics before
he goes all exotic and high-flying.
They've been doing some moves in the water too, because Dean wouldn't risk Seth
injuring himself with landing awkwardly on the canvas first. The best part
about that? Dean in swim trunks. Wet swim trunks. After seeing the man's junk
for years it shouldn't be that awesome to look at, but it still is.
Seth jerks himself out of his thoughts and collects himself, trying to remember
what they were talking about. 'It's my uncle's birthday and since our whole
family only sees each other during such occasions it always lasts the whole
weekend.'
Which means forty-eight hours of being trapped inside a house with his parents
and siblings without a way to escape this hell. He'd give his left arm to have
Dean there with him too.
'I think my parents drag me to all those parties again, so I can't spend my
time with you.' Since he's still grounded and they as angry and humbled as
ever. Dean's head jerks up and a mischievous, devious grin creeps over his
lips. Seth knows he'll love whatever the other has to say. 'I could come with
you.'
Yeah, he really hoped his friend would propose that. Imagine the chaos and
havoc they'll wreak. Hands down, Dean is the best friend he's ever had and that
says a lot because Seth loves Jeff to death. It's probably because he has more
than just brotherly feelings for the man.
That suggestion sounds very tempting. He'd be an idiot if he'd say no. 'You
free on Saturday?' Dean nods instantly, scratching his scruff with his index
finger – and Seth has to tear his gaze away before his mind calls it a day and
retreats to fantasize about stubble burn.
'Sure. Actually, I am free for the rest of the week.' Is that a hint Seth
should be able to make sense of? It feels like it is, yet he has no clue what
to do with this information. It's only Thursday and they both still have to
come to work tomorrow and on Saturday morning.
To not embarrass himself even more, Seth decides to let this matter go and make
a joke. 'Aw, someone was a good boy.' Dean tilts his head a bit and throws a
pen at him with painful accuracy. 'I only need to finish workout tomorrow and
then I'm all yours.'
If only.
Seth rubs his forehead, still feeling the impact of the pen. 'You know, I'd
really like to see how they'll try to explain your presence and how we're
connected. Struggle for words. And fail.' He can't stop himself from sighing
happily, enjoying his parents' misery.
Hope – blatant and innocent – crashes over him when Dean asks, 'Is that a yes?'
Funny thing is, that emotion was not his from the beginning. His body just
copied it. 'Totally. But I have an even better idea than you simply
accompanying me.'
He makes a dramatic pause, waiting until Dean is about to lose his temper.
'I'll give you the address and you just randomly show up. That way they can't
do anything to keep you off the property.'
Dean grins insolently, muttering, 'You little shit.' There's a fine line
between genius and evil and Seth likes to walk on the dark side whenever his
family is involved. Man, he can't wait until Saturday rolls around.
'You know you'll have to be an over the top boyfriend, right? Overly touchy-
feely and deaf when my parents try to belittle you or throw you out.' The other
clicks his tongue disapprovingly while shaking his head in mock disappointment.
'My dear Seth, I know the job description. Trust me, I'll be perfect.'
Set doesn't doubt that one bit.
On the way to La Jolla on Saturday, his parents warn him to not admit to anyone
that he has a boyfriend or that he even knows a porn actor. Seth would like to
tell them that he's friends with dozens of them, but keeps his mouth shut. He's
counting the hours until Dean will show up in the evening and he doesn't want
to ruin the surprise.
Since these are his parents, they come up with a plan B, in case someone
accidentally lets the news about Seth's sexuality and his first, very awful
choice of a partner slip. He's barely able to refrain from laughing out loud
when his mother makes up this flimsy story about Dean being a bartender and
Seth spilling coffee on him on the street.
He texts his friend the moronic excuse and a minute later he gets a cocky
reply, the words Sure, people just LOVE to eagerly gulp down whatever cocktail
I mix by shaking my wrist. Very protein-rich making him snicker. He really
admires how at peace Dean is with his job; how proud he is to entertain people
with wrestling and sex.
Seth still has a lot of problems with his profession, but since they're no real
couple yet, he isn't entitled to complain. Besides, this is something he has to
deal with himself. Dean won't give up his work for Seth's sake. The only thing
being able to make him leave Cyberfights would be getting hired by a wrestling
company. And that would mean Dean leaving for good.
The day passes relatively fast, due to Seth being able to escape his parents
once they've arrived at the mansion of his uncle and everyone needs to exchange
fake pleasantries. Since his favorite aunt – the one he lived with for a couple
of years in Iowa – won't be attending this feast, he has no one he really looks
forward to meeting.
She distanced herself from the whole family when Seth got shipped off to her.
Ever since then, she only sporadically speaks with his grandparents and her
brother – his father –, but only if she has to. Seth often writes her letters,
because he loves sending them, it's so much more personal, and they frequently
talk on the phone. To him, she's like his surrogate mother, thanks to him
spending the best years of his life with her.
Dean announces his arrival around seven, right on time for dinner, as if he'd
known when there would be free food. Seth just put his phone away again when
the doorbell rings and a confused murmur echoes through the large dining room.
'Do you expect anyone else? Don't tell me Molly is going to be here,' his
mother hisses as if she'd grab a knife and straight up murder his aunt if she
dares to show up. Seth can barely suppress a chuckle. No, it's not Molly, but
the person on the other side of the door is one she would love to annihilate
off the face of earth too.
Oh, this is going to be a wonderful evening.
And if he's super lucky, Dean will even stay overnight, which would make having
to be in this awfully big house a bit more bearable.
His uncle throws her a perplexed look, muttering, 'No, I haven't talked to her
in months.' This is Seth's cue to enlighten all of them. He puts the napkin
aside and gets up, scraping the chair over the ground as loud as he can.
'That'd be for me then.'
Everyone stares at him – he has never brought someone to these gatherings;
they're acting as if it's completely impossible that he'd find a living person
who'd willingly spend time with him – and his dad has the audacity for ask him
incredulous, 'For you?'
He can see a doubtful glimmer in his father's eyes that turns into pure horror
as soon as he gets who must be standing in front of the door. There are only
two options and they both know Seth would never choose Jeff to be here. They're
best friends but Seth wouldn't force him to spend a boring evening with him and
his family. A boyfriend on the other hand practically has no other choice.
His grandmother lets out a delighted, 'Did you invite a friend, dear?' She
seems to feign happiness perfectly or she's really glad that he finally found
someone he can call a part of his life. He's never sure with her, since she's
mostly nice to him – except for those moments she lets out something offensive
completely out of the blue.
Sometimes he thinks it's because she's as straight-forward as she's old.
'You could say that,' he answers, walking down the long table to get to the
entrance hall. His parents glare at him while Sophie stops playing around on
her smartphone to shoot him an annoyed glance, but he can see the corners of
her lips move up a bit.
'Going to be one hell of a show,' his sister murmurs low enough for only him to
hear and for the first time ever he feels like they could have been a great
bother-sister team in another universe, at another time. She knows who's
waiting outside to be let in and she too expects this to be an interesting
family gathering, now that a porn star is here to stir up some trouble.
Dean is being led into the dining room by Ivelisse, one of his uncle's maids,
and a collective gasp erupts from everybody – Seth included. He'd expected the
other to show up here looking like Jon Moxley with his slicked back hair,
sunglasses because he's one of those douches who wear them even in the dark and
inside, leather jacket, tank top underneath and washed out jeans that have more
holes than fabric.
But Dean's appearance takes his breath away for a second. Or two. Or maybe a
lot longer. He never ever thought there'd come a day he would see Dean Ambrose
wearing a fancy black suit, complete with a tie, waistcoat and shiny shoes. The
only thing that's still as messy as ever is his hair.
Seth feels horribly underdressed in his red shirt – he refused to wear his
necktie – and the blue pants. He even walks around these pristine, clean halls
in his dirty street shoes. And here his not-quite boyfriend is, looking like he
belongs in the middle of this hypocritical family.
All that is only for Seth.
He knows that Dean's not doing this to fit in, he doesn't have to. His friend
is manipulating his relatives even now, pretending he's one of them until he
can deliver the one blow that will shock everyone to their very core. Dean sure
knows how to make an entrance.
He looks stunning and Seth's mouth goes dry on its own accord.
His uncle turns to him after Ivelisse introduces the guest and asks, 'This your
friend?' Before his parents can get a word in – to lie to the others – Dean
proudly announces, 'Boyfriend, yes.' His grandmother claps her hands together
with a delighted outcry, welcoming Dean in the family and her heart alike, even
though she knows next to nothing about him yet.
She's probably just happy that Seth finally came out of the closet and that his
first partner is so handsome and funny. In a matter of minutes Dean has won
over everyone with his dry humor and uncomplicated personality. Seth and his
parents can only watch amazed – or in their case panicked – how he charms the
pants off everyone.
Seth has forgotten to eat a while ago, the full fork still awkwardly hovering
mid-air while Dean tells the story of how they met. His relatives snicker at
Seth's clumsiness but they mostly just stare at Dean in awe and wonder, because
the way he speaks – all swear words and slang – does so not fit the way he
dresses.
Usually, everyone would make a fuss because of that but they seem to forgive
Dean. Maybe because he's telling everything in this captivating way of his and
no one even registers the foul language. Or because he is Seth's boyfriend and
they, unlike his parents, want to give him a chance.
Either way, he's perfect. Seth can't believe that this man sitting right next
to him is his. Or will be his in the future. Hopefully. Right now, Dean is his
pretend-his, so that counts too, doesn't it?
After dinner everyone moves to the living room, where the men smoke cigars and
drink some Bourbon while the women sit in a corner to chatter about life and
whatever. His parents though break the tradition and yank Dean into the
entrance hall, calling him all kinds of things and Seth – who doesn't want to
make a scene, so he follows them with a fake smile on his lips – grabs Dean to
link arms with him the moment his father hisses, 'That's called ephebophilia.
You're sick. He's just a boy.'
Dean holds up his hands in mock surrender, muttering, 'Not touching him in all
the bad places, doc.' And when his parents only glare at him, not in the least
soothed by his statement, he adds with a smirk, 'Not yet.'
Oh God, Seth loves Dean with all his heart. He's really a lost cause.
And with that Dean guides him back into the living room, taking a glass of
Bourbon out of Seth' fingers, who had boldly assumed he'd get away with it
tonight, handing him a sparkling soda instead. 'No beer but the hard shit? You
really got some whacked up priorities, hot stuff.'
It's always worth a try. Winning in a fight against his parents made him a bit
light-headed. Seems like he needs to hone his ninja skills some more.
They smile at each other and his uncle joins them, asking in his booming voice,
'So Dean, at what bar do you work?' He probably assumes it's some high-class
lounge bar and Seth suddenly realizes that his parents never gave him any
details. They thought making up a simple lie would be enough to fool everyone.
Good thing that Dean's as blunt as a hammer, dead-panning, 'Dunno who fed you
that bullshit lie. I'm a porn actor.' The entire room goes silent until his
parents start producing this high-pitched laugh and his relatives join in
eventually. Goddamn, his parents managed to turn this into a joke.
His uncle claps Dean on the shoulder, grinning from ear to ear – obviously
having already too much alcohol in his system – inquiring in a joyous tone,
'Soft or hardcore?' And then they all giggle some more, telling what a great
knee-slapper that has been.
Dean turns towards him, patting the hand wrapped around his biceps,
apologizing, 'What just happened, kiddo? I swear, I tried.' He looks over at
his parents, who continue to play their little charade, and shakes his head
minutely. There'll come another chance. 'Come on, I'll show you around,' Seth
says, though in reality he means that they'll go down to the beach because he
can't stand being in the same room as his family anymore.
They'd do everything to make sure Dean's true self stays hidden, but Seth will
find a way. He's going to be the biggest pain in the butt they ever had to deal
with. Until they realize that it's okay to be whoever he wants to be.
'Your family's nice,' Dean mutters after a while, helping Seth down the small
cliff, ignoring his sarcastic laugh. 'At least the ones that don't suck. What a
shame your brother couldn't be here, I'd've loved to tell him a thing or two.'
Seth scowls, not in the mood to talk about his judgmental family anymore. Not
when he's at the beach with Dean, the sun already set but there's still a faded
out red shimmer across the horizon. They walk through the sand, enjoying the
fact that they're almost alone. Aside from some other couples that had the same
idea as Seth.
'So, can I meet yours one day?' he says in one breath, relieved that he finally
had the guts to ask this. He wasn't sure if he should address Dean's family
since the other never talks about them. His friend shrugs, hiding his hands in
the pockets of his black pants. 'There's no one to meet.'
He stumbles over his own feet, too busy staring at Dean in shock. What does
that mean there is no one? 'I thought you go back to Ohio to visit them every
year.' Did he lie to him all this time, even while being in Cincinnati and
writing him constantly? What a bummer.
'I do,' Dean admits, frowning at himself. 'Sorta. If sitting at someone's grave
counts as a visit.' Oh jeez, he had no idea. Way to go, prodding his crush
about dead family members. He should have seen the signs, but he was so
preoccupied with gushing over Dean that he didn't.
'I'm sorry, I didn't know,' he whispers guiltily, averting his gaze shameful. A
hand drops on his head and he gets drawn towards the sturdy body of his friend,
Dean pulling him in for an awkward but warm hug while murmuring, 'Don't be.
Happened a long time ago.'
He doesn't let go, too happy that his crush is being this open and caressing
without faking it for someone to see, feeling brazen enough to ask some more
questions. 'So you have no one?'
Dean grins, looking towards the ocean with a content expression on his face. 'I
have Ro.' Yeah, everyone who gets accepted into the holy circle of the Samoan
is being greeted by a whole bunch of loving people who couldn't care less about
all the things his parents set such great value upon. 'And now I also have
you.'
Okay, this is real. Dean's not playing boyfriend at the moment, he's being
completely honest and he means it. Seth is a part of his life and he couldn't
have made him any happier. A future together doesn't seem so impossible
anymore. Though there's still something standing in their way. Other than them
not really talking about this thing between them.
'What about your tryouts?' 'What about them?' Dean counters, sitting down in
the sand, looking so freaking dapper that Seth is convinced a photographer will
jump out of the Pacific any second to start a cover shooting. 'I'm gonna go out
there, blow them away and get the respectable job that'd make your parents
finally happy.'
Seriously, why does he still sound as if this is one big gag to him? Is he so
confident in succeeding – which he should be, Dean's terrifyingly amazing in
the ring – that he expects to walk out of the tryouts with a job contract? Or
is he sure he'll get rejected anyway, unable to believe that good things happen
to him too?
Seth sighs, not able to figure Dean out at all, flopping down on the soft
ground next to him. 'No, they hate you for life.' For some reason they both
chuckle at that, even though Seth's chest hurts horribly. His parents will
never accept Dean, no matter what he'll do, and he can't imagine anything
sadder than his own flesh and blood disapproving so vehemently of his choice.
'That sucks, man. I tried so hard,' Dean whines derisively, letting himself
fall back on the sand to look up at the evening sky. Seth doesn't say anything,
the weak smile on his lips disappearing with the next chilly breeze. He wraps
his arms around himself, freezing slightly. He should have thought about
bringing a jacket with him.
Suddenly his shoulders drown in a too big suit jacket and Seth gasps when he
sees Dean for the first time without it, the white shirt, dark gray waistcoat
and black tie flattering his friend's body enormously. He should wear formal
clothes more often. Seth is so going to drag him to every birthday party of his
relatives.
'So, tell me, my fellow black sheep, when do you want to rough up your school
mates?' Man, what a change of topic. But yeah, they do need to start talking
about this, since school ends in a few months and even though Seth could go on
like this – being in a blissful state of an undefined relationship – that was
the reason he officially accepted Dean's offer.
'Don't you need to train for February?' He doesn't want to do this so early,
can't lose this pretend thing as soon as they're done with that too. He hasn't
even gotten a hand or blow job out of this deal. Yes, he knows that wasn't up
for negotiation but hey, it's logical, isn't it?
Dean chuckles and sits up again, ruffling through Seth's hair – he really loves
to do that and Seth can't say he doesn't enjoy it. 'Quid pro quo, kiddo,' he
reminds him and for a second he panics, thinking he spilled that during his wet
dream a while ago. 'I help you intimidate those idiots and you will get in the
ring with me to be my sparring partner. I need a victim.'
He appreciates the trust, but he's far from good enough to wrestle. 'Don't,'
Dean interrupts all his attempts to talk him out of this. 'I've seen you and
I'm not the only one thinking you're a natural. Ro's very fond of your style
too. We both like that you're not afraid of the ropes. That's one of the most
important things in this business.'
So many compliments and Dean hasn't even touched a single drop of alcohol to
loosen up. A magical night at the beach. They should come here more often.
Still, all this talk is not enough to mollify Seth. 'I'm afraid of
unintentionally hurting you. Rome would rip me a new one.'
Dean laughs out loud, the sound so joyous and carefree that even Seth has to
smile. He really loves listening to it, likes how it vibrates through his
ribcage and settles down deep in his bones. It makes him mellow and genuinely
happy.
'Don't worry, I trust you and that's all I need.' Really, he's honored that
Dean thinks like this but Seth can't shake the feeling that they shouldn't
wrestle until the tryouts are over and there's no risk of Seth ruining
everything.
'Alright, before you beat yourself up, how bout this? I promise I'll mostly
need you to lie still, let me throw you around and stand there, telling me how
my moves look.' Now that sounds doable. And way less dangerous. He'll gladly do
that. Especially because he'd never say no to a chance of getting touched by
Dean.
He stands up, dragging his friend at the wrist with him, clapping the sand off
his jeans. 'We should go back before my parents file a missing person's report
and sic the cops on you.'
Dean huffs, shaking his head decisively when Seth shrugs off the suit jacket to
hand it back. Seems like he can wear it a bit longer then. Awesome. 'Your
family's really warming up to me. I can feel it,' his friend states overly
confident and they both burst out laughing, Seth snickering so loud and
heartily that a few tears fall down his cheek and he ends up having hiccups.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
                           Act Fifteen: fight it out
They've decided to do their little show act on Friday, so Seth has the whole
week to come up with something that doesn't involve a beat down, because Dean
said right from the start he won't touch high school kids; only if it's
absolutely necessary.
The last thing he needs is a record of assault, as much as he loves to help
Seth out.
He said love, which doesn't mean he's also in love with him, but it was so
moving to hear that word coming out of Dean's mouth, being used in the same
sentence as his name. Progress is progress, as small as it is.
Every day, when they meet up in Seth's shared office at Cyberfights, he and
Dean throw ideas back and forth, but so far they haven't been able to come up
with a plan that sounds bulletproof. He's still reluctant to go through with
it, afraid that after the tryouts their friendship will come to an abrupt end,
but every day he has to face those idiots at school, their behavior just gets
worse.
Maybe because they know that the year is almost over and that they'll lose
their punching bag soon. They're already angry at him for refusing to continue
doing their homework. But even if he would still be scared to death by them, he
couldn't do it.
He simply doesn't have the time for it, with Cyberfights and Dean now being a
major part of his life. And his friend forbid him to give in to their stupid
demands all the time. He's so rebellious at home, so he should grow a pair and
show them that they can't push him around anymore too.
And Dean's right, Seth can't hide in the shadows for the rest of his life,
hoping that no one will see him.
So, it's Friday now and he's still as clueless as he was on Monday – this is
the first time his brain couldn't come up with anything at all – and he's
sitting in Mrs James' class, mobile phone in his hand under the table to
message Dean his plan. Which sounds like this: just be there and we'll make it
up as we go.
It's embarrassing that this is all he has to offer, but Dean's perfectly fine
with it; of course he is. Seth is certain that nothing can make the other lose
his cool. He'd even sit there laughing, eating some Twinkies, watching the
world burn in the unlikely case of an Apocalypse, befriending some cockroaches
because life would be pretty lonely without anyone else around.
Roman is usually pretty chill too, but Dean's level of zen is just unrivaled.
It's as if he made his peace with his past, present and future already and
takes each day as it comes. What did he say once, when Seth asked how the heck
he's doing this?
'I get scared too, Seth. I cry, laugh, moan, bitch like everyone else. But I
vowed a whole lifetime ago that I'd live a life without regrets and that's
exactly what I'm doing. This is the only time on earth I get, so I make the
most of it. And now show me the video of that talking cat again.'
A life without regrets. Seth wishes he could do that too. On the other hand, he
constantly asks himself who Dean made that promise to and why. He's too afraid
to ask though, thinking it'd be a question that'd breach the silent agreement
they have at the moment.
Which is that Dean opens up whenever he deems it fit and Seth waits patiently
until that time has come. As outspoken as Dean usually is, when it comes to his
past in Cincinnati, he's really taciturn. Something awful must have happened
and so far, Seth only knows that his friend's whole family is dead. Has been
for years already.
And then there's the stuff he read in his personal file. The drugs, Roman
saving him from a life on the streets – after seeing him wrestle completely
high and still liking what he witnessed – and the affair with his best friend.
Which obviously didn't make it into the file but is still something Seth needs
to wrap his head around.
Whatever he's going to do with Dean, Roman has already been there. So have
dozens of other guys and this won't change until his friend gives up the job
that saved his life. Good luck with that, Seth, his fingers scribble down on
his writing pad and he sighs, knowing that the only thing making that happen
would be a positive outcome at the tryouts.
The day passes horribly slow and he can't believe that it's still just ten in
the morning. He feels like he's been sitting on this chair for days. Since this
is Chemistry and they're doing some experiments, Seth can't write Dean back,
but he still reads every text the other sends him.
Seems like his crush is counting down the seconds until they meet too. Dean's
probably only excited to see Seth square off against the bullies that made his
time at high school a living hell, but still. Maybe he can't wait to see him,
is also like a cat on hot bricks. He'll never give up his dreams, especially
those.
      Thanks to your brilliant idea, I'm now stuck with Dolph as partner.
Seth smirks down at his phone, turning off the Bunsen burner until his
classmate stops holding his book into the flame. He really hates this lab
partner crap, especially since he could do all this stuff on his own. Enzo, as
nice as he might be, just holds him back. But it gives him time to appreciate
Dean's remaining messages.
         He's selling a tiny slap as if I hit him with a sledgehammer.
                      Imagine how he'll act when we fuck.
He'd rather not. This is still something he just can't get used to and it's
becoming a bigger problem with each day.
                                  Boooooring.
At least he makes it look like this is the best fuck he's ever had. Have I ever
  told you how much I hate sex partners who scream and moan overly loud? Like
   they want to prove to everyone and their mother that they're just getting
                           fucked, which is so sad.
Are they shooting right now? And Dean has nothing better to do than writing him
in between takes? This is too much for his brain to comprehend.
 Sadly, Dolph sells so good, he even manages to make Heath look like one too.
 Hey, you up for some churros later? I dunno but today is a craving-for-fried-
 dough-pastry day and I know for a fact you always love a good hot chocolate.
By the way, are you interested in refereeing again? You already have some fans
                   that'd love to get another piece of you.
Okay, he can ignore that sex part, but what the heck is his crush talking
about? Fans? Why? He didn't even do much. Just got kissed by Dea– oh. Oh.
Seth can't wait any longer, just hands an overchallenged Enzo the test tubes
and asks for a permission to go to the toilet. He needs some peace and quiet to
have this conversation. Hopefully his lab partner won't set the whole school on
fire. He'd totally trust him to do it.
Once he's inside the safety of the small bathroom stall that's covered in crude
and childish graffiti, he opens Dean's messages and re-reads them. No, they're
still the same. He hasn't imagined a single word. Alright, he will answer them
chronologically, so he can lose his mind in his last text.
After all, he is a tiny drama queen.
   #1 At least Ziggler is funny and handsome. Good guy to work with. Mark my
                                    words.
  #2 Better than not selling at all. And I'd rather not. For various reasons.
 #3 You should be thankful that someone IS able to make you look like a great
                         catch and modern day Gigolo.
#4 Get a hobby for in between takes, loser. Pestering minors at school is NOT a
                                    hobby.
 #5 Like I said, be thankful. And no, I didn't know, but I'll keep it in mind.
Though some moaning and gasping surely will be okay. Being completely silent
during intercourse is weird too. Who would have thought Dean likes it quiet in
his own bedroom? Surely because he's done all the kinky stuff in his job
already. God freaking dammit.
#6 We should be happy for Heath then, since Dolph is probably the only one who
                                 can do that.
#7 The day I say no to churros, you're allowed to kill me. Bring some with you
                          when you pick me up later.
Time for his meltdown to finally happen. He makes sure he's still alone in the
room, just in case he'll start talking to himself, like he sometimes does.
                  #8 WHAT FANS??? Don't you dare toy with me.
There are people who actually want to see more of him? Are they in their right
mind? He's not exactly the most handsome guy walking around Cyberfights – he
even wore his glasses in the ring, has no recognizable facial hair yet; he
looks like a thirteen-year-old and if that is the reason they want to see him
again, he'll gladly pass.
But there will be more in-ring action with Dean. That's a tough decision.
On his way back to the classroom it hits him for the first time. Today is the
day he will tell everyone he is gay – he'll voluntarily give those idiots
another reason to pick on him –, but he will also do that with a really hot
boyfriend at his side.
There might even be some touching and kissing involved. Maybe a little fighting
too, though Seth is prepared for that. Roman taught him a lot of submissions
moves and how he can elude his opponent's attacks to turn them into his own
offense.
Sometimes brute strength isn't everything. Being crafty and agile can help
someone emerge victorious too. Easy to say for a guy who looks like he could
get hit by a ton of trucks and still remain unharmed.
Crafty and agile. That's all Seth has to offer and all he needs. Should things
go terribly wrong, there's still Dean. Surely he will interfere if he needs
help, no matter if he wants Seth to fight his own battles or not.
He doesn't expect the jocks to leave him alone after that – since Dean can't be
here with him during school – but he hopes he can show them that he's capable
of defending himself now and that there is a ticking time bomb cuffed to him
that will go off if anyone touches him again. And the bomb has friends.
His saviors are a bunch of adult movie actors. Life really is strange
sometimes, but he wouldn't have it any other way. Seth can't wait to call Jeff
tomorrow first thing in the morning to tell him every last detail of today's
events.
The rest of the school day passes excruciatingly slow and Dean is awfully
quiet. Was he too brazen in his texts? Hopefully he didn't offend him with
anything; though this is exactly the way they mostly talk with each other. They
bicker and banter like an old, married couple. If they can't tease or mock the
other at least once, they're not happy.
At least Seth isn't.
When the bell finally rings Seth practically dashes out of the building, for
once being the first person to exit it. The last time he did that, he was still
in elementary school and got pushed from behind by an older boy, falling down a
flight of stairs face first. His entire left side had been black and blue when
he arrived at home.
Shortly after that he moved to Davenport. Good memories.
Seth looks around, missing Dean standing there leaning against his car until
the other whistles and holds up a hand to wave at him. While he walks over to
his friend as casually as he can he watches how Dean grabs himself a churro
from a paper bag on the hood and puts it in his mouth, letting it hang there
like a candy cigarette.
'Heya,' he greets Seth, the pastry between his lips wobbling dangerously up and
down and Dean bites off a bit, chewing and sucking the rest of the churro back
into his mouth without using his hands. Seth can't help but smile, he does that
with a lot of his food too. Mostly because it aggravates his parents and he is
that lazy sometimes.
'Had a nice day?' He scowls, asking back how anyone can have a great time at
school, nodding towards the bag, so Dean can hand it to him. 'You hate it when
you gotta go there, but you'll miss it later,' the other says wistfully and
Seth only rolls his eyes. He's heard that so often – only from adults – but he
can't really buy into it.
He will never miss getting pushed around, used, threatened, beat up, laughed
at. The list is endless. All he's going to miss are the faces of all those
douchebags when they realize that they could never break his spirit. He firmly
believes that karma will haunt them one day.
'Doubt it,' he counters, savoring the taste of the still warm pastry. 'Where's
my chocolate?' Dean grins and scans the school building behind Seth while
hundreds of kids enjoy the beginning of their free weekend. So far the group of
jocks hasn't come out, so they still have time.
He has no clue for what, but hey, he wouldn't mind driving away in the six year
old, jet black Camaro and do this some other day.
Seth is just about to turn towards Dean again when he feels his friend's hand
in his hair. 'What are you doing?' Cause it looks like he's sticking a daisy
behind his ear. 'Picked it up after a dog pissed on it. Thought it'd suit you.'
He pays no attention to the joke – he knows Dean well enough to recognize it as
one – and opens his mouth, but the words fail him.
This is not some kind of act for the jocks; they're not even here yet. This
isn't his pretend boyfriend. The daisy, the gentle smile, the content shimmer
in those blue eyes. It's all Dean.
Seth stammers around, can't even hear what words he's trying to say, too
overwhelmed and flustered to know what to do or how to properly react. Dean is
so affectionate that Seth fears he'll blow it once the real acting starts,
because he can't handle such tenderness outside of his own four walls.
'Finally found your homo parade, Rollins?' a snarky voice interrupts this
matchless moment, the mood around them shifting immediately. Dean doesn't say
anything, just grabs Seth's shirt and yanks him back a few inches, so he'll be
closer to him. Maybe he also doesn't appreciate being called a homo parade.
'What's up with the plant?' 'It's a flower,' he retorts petulantly, biting back
a lecture about the difference between the two things when Dean conjures up a
second daisy to put it behind his own ear. He shouldn't start an intellectual
war, because even though he'll easily win it, it won't shut these jerks up for
long.
'Actually, I'm his boyfriend, but I guess you can call it however you want,
since you probably don't have that many words to choose from.' Seth has to suck
on his lower lip to not burst out laughing. So much for not doing that. Grant,
the leader of this little group, eyes Dean with as much disdain as he can
muster.
His friend obviously couldn't care less about high school kids insulting him,
eating his churro, the flower stuck in his hair, looking as if they're talking
about the hot weather.
'Boyfriend? So Rollins really likes to play for the other team. Not a big
surprise,' Patrick jokes, jabbing Grant in the ribs with his elbow. Terms like
butt pirate, ass bandit, queen, fudge-packer and pillow biter fill the air,
each of the guys trying to outdo the previous insult. Seth is not sure if he
should even be surprised that they know so many derogative ways to depict a
homosexual person.
Dean listens to it with a calm that Seth would describe as the silence before
the storm. The smile hasn't faded away, he's still leaning completely relaxed
against his car, eating one churro after the other, but his eyes have changed.
He has no better way of saying it, but there's Jon Moxley surfacing in them and
Seth can tell that he's not there to defend himself.
His friend is furious that these guys think it's funny to insult Seth, a boy
he's sworn to protect. If he doesn't interfere, Dean will get his hands on
those dumbasses, and even if he'd love to see that, he doesn't want the other
to get into trouble.
Better be safe than sorry.
'Really innovative, I'm proud of you,' he remarks, willing his body to lean
against Dean and the Camaro alike. He's way too nervous and nothing has really
happened so far. Other than Dean containing his inner Hulk and Seth freaking
out a little.
A plan would have been so much more helpful.
'You think your little fuckbuddy here – which trash can did you find this one
in anyway? – is going to change anything?' Dean clears his throat and Seth can
only stare at him helplessly, torn between siccing him on those douchebags and
urging him into the car so they can leave. This was a stupid idea.
But then Dean laughs, the tone soft and impressed, all traces of Jon Moxley
gone with the wind. That's some self-control right there. Seth wishes he could
have some of it too.
'Beating up jerks in high schools has been my favorite pastime ever since
beating jackasses up in high school,' he chuckles and Seth is reminded of that
one evening Dean asked him where he'd been in his schooldays. Is that what he
did instead of concentrating on learning?
Fighting his way through life all alone? Seth really wishes Dean would open up
more and share stories of his past, so he wouldn't have to imagine all the
horrible things that could have happened to him. It can't be worse than his
parents dying while he was still a kid, him ending up in a foster home, can it?
Grant huffs, crossing his arms over his chest, shooting Dean a challenging
glance. 'Did you ever go to one?' Wow. He's read that his friend never
graduated but Dean told him all these weeks ago that he was attending high
school, so he must have dropped out at one point.
Seth suspects to pursue his wrestling career. All the more reason to make these
tryouts count.
Dean grins before he cocks his head, answering a bit bored, 'A day or two.'
He's sure it's a lie but Dean delivers the line superbly. Grant and his
entourage make fun of his friend for that statement, blabbering on about how
they knew only a stupid person would be able to stand Seth's annoying smartass
persona.
It's evident that Dean's presence alone doesn't bother them, even if he's over
six feet tall and the six-pack beneath his tight-fitting shirt can be perfectly
seen. They probably think he's the brawn while Seth is the brain and still are
convinced they can overpower them.
Seems like this is heading only one way, so Seth prepares himself to settle
this once and for all. This time he will attack first.
'So you brought your little girlfriend to fight for you. Think us knowing you
have your own Kevin Costner is gonna change anything? He can't protect you in
there,' Patrick adds, pointing with his hand towards the school building.
Dean takes out the next churro and bites off a chunk, chewing slowly as if he
actually contemplates the other's words. In fact, he's simply waiting for Seth
to do something, since he made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to touch
his classmates.
'I don't need anyone to take you on,' he states boldly. The moment the words
have left his mouth he can feel Dean's body getting closer, his friend a
protective presence behind him. A pleasant shiver runs down his spine when
Dean's fingers are in his hair – he loves that so much; people touching his
hair, combing, braiding, washing it – and Seth realizes belatedly that he's
taking the daisy.
'I'm only here to hold his flower,' his crush announces loudly, mouth brushing
over his ear to whisper lowly, 'Just like we showed you.' His friend has had
enough, as it would seem. Enough of those people making fun of Seth. That's so
sweet.
Grant frowns, for the first time ever looking slightly lost. 'You're
delusional, Rollins,' he boasts, trying to find his confidence again. Dean
being here is a factor that starts to worry the leader of that little group.
It's working. Slowly but surely, his friend is enough to irritate them.
'We're five and you just have that on your side,' Grant spits out, nodding at
the other still standing closely behind him, hands protectively on his waist.
For a while no one says a word and Seth is not sure if he should just walk over
to his classmate and kick him in the face. But then Dean presses his whole body
against Seth's back, cheek warming the left side of his head while they both
stare at the five offenders.
With a new surge of confidence, Seth thinks himself invincible, gloating, 'Shut
up and fight me. This ends now.' If he wins, those jerks have to leave him
alone, have to accept that he's not the helpless little creature anymore. And
if they don't want to listen, they're going to find out the hard way.
Patrick starts bellowing, Seth's words seemingly entertaining him a lot. 'It
won't.' Why are they so persistent and keep on torturing him? Just because they
think he's easy game and would never dare to cross them?
'Oh, we will fight you, Rollins, but you won't see us coming,' Grant promises
and finally Dean's done. He doesn't lose his cool, but he rubs his scruff over
Seth's cheek, murmuring displeased, 'Do something before I rearrange his face.
No more talking.'
He's going to hurt someone on purpose and he's not even afraid of doing so.
After all, this still counts as self-defense, right? It's not like he's out to
break some bones or anything. He just wants to show that he's not a guy to be
messed with anymore. That's all.
If he could walk through the halls of his school without looking back every two
seconds in fear of getting thrown against a locker or threatened to better
write an essay that'll get them a B+ instead of a decent, believable C+, that'd
be really nice.
So without thinking too much about it, since that's his problem anyway, he
walks up to Grant, clenching his hand into a fist and punches him square in the
face. The moment skin connects with skin, Seth's fingers explode. He withdraws
his hand, but he can barely bend it, the pain making him dizzy for a second.
He looks down at his throbbing fingers, too stunned by the aching in his limb
to pay attention to Grant or the jocks. Seth doesn't realize they're closing in
on him until a flash of gray appears in his vision, shielding him from the
other four guys that want to avenge Grant's hopefully broken nose.
Brian and Patrick charge at the same second, but Dean easily dodges them both,
grabbing Brian by the wrist and twisting his arm painfully behind his back,
almost lifting the guy off his feet with the move. Seth can hear cries of pain
while he still tries to gain control over his shaking hand.
When Dean releases Brian from the hold, he drops him to the ground and quickly
ducks under Patrick's attack, deftly moving his body right behind the boy to
trap him in a sleeper hold. Seth can't even express how thankful he is that
Dean is indeed only using techniques for self-defense instead of driving
someone's head into the ground or the tree on their right.
He's holding Patrick close, makes a show of cutting off his air supply and his
classmate does get red in the face but if Dean would be out to harm him, he'd
do it. Seth's pulsating fingers would still fit perfectly in between Patrick's
neck and his crush's arm.
It's a warning that the others take serious. They retreat a few steps, Grant
holding his nose that's sadly not bleeding and Brian massaging his aching
shoulder while Patrick starts sweating in Dean's hold. He tries to escape it,
but his friend is using all his strength to keep him in place without
suffocating him.
'Listen up, dipsticks. You got beef with him, you got beef with me,' Dean warns
them and Seth watches half-stunned, half-proud how the other pupils steer clear
of them, except for the ones that stand a few feet away to watch how the school
bullies finally get what they deserve. Justice has been delivered.
'And you really don't want that. Seth is off limits.' Patrick's head turns dark
red now, Dean adding some more pressure to his hold to emphasize his words. 'Be
smart. I know that must be hard for you, considering you've never tried before,
but hands off my boyfriend. If I ever hear a word about you again, I'll come
back. And next time I won't go so easy on you.'
Dean releases Patrick and throws him to the ground like a hot potato, staring
the other guys down. 'Is that understood?' So in the end it still was Dean who
fought his battle for him; at last Seth was able to get one punch in. He wanted
to do so much more, to show his friend that he can hold his own weight.
So when Grant spits Dean in front of his feet and growls this isn't over,
Rollins he shakes his head and forgets about his hand for a second. 'I think it
is.' And with that he rounds Dean and breaks out in a sprint, using the
momentum to swing his right leg in the air and kick his adversary against the
left ear and back of the head.
He doesn't land as elegantly as he wanted to, but he's overjoyed nonetheless.
This wasn't the most beautiful Enzuigiri on the planet but it made Grant lose
his footing and fall to his knees right in front of him. 'I'm not helpless
anymore. There's a lot more where that came from, so don't you ever come near
me again.'
Grant scrambles to his feet, holding the left side of his head with clenched
teeth and so much hatred in his eyes that Seth fears for a second this was a
big mistake. They'll never leave him alone, will bide their time and strike
when he's the most vulnerable.
Dean and Roman need to teach him more moves, so he can defend himself against
anything. The more he dishes out and stands his ground, the easier it will get
for him to defy them until his graduation in a few months. And if they ever
touch Seth again, they still have to face Dean's wrath.
Which means that his crush intends to stay his boyfriend until he goes to
college. Now that is the best outcome possible, at least in his opinion.
He's so elated because of this epiphany and he generally feels very bold after
defeating his biggest nightmare with Dean's help that he grabs his friend by
the collar and smacks their lips together, not giving a damn about the cheering
and exasperated noises erupting immediately.
All that matters is that Dean smiles against his mouth. Hopefully because this
is the first time that he initiated a kiss and he's proud that Seth is finally
starting to come out of his shell more often.
Since he doesn't hear any complaints – and because of their agreement he
doesn't expect any either, even though they established very early on that they
can break anything off if they start to feel uncomfortable – he raises his
hands, the right one still hurting like crazy, and runs them through Dean's
hair, fulfilling himself a wish he's had for years.
It's as soft and unruly as he imagined it to be and all of this, combined with
Dean's slightly chapped lips is like heaven. It feels phenomenal and Seth is
already getting addicted to it. Starting a kiss, being the one dominating it,
is almost as good as Dean stealing one from him when no one is looking.
It doesn't beat those rough, what the heck is going on kisses Dean gives him in
the ring though. The ones that don't feel like part of the game that is their
pretend relationship, but seem to be born from real desire. Confusing,
overwhelming passion that Dean doesn't know how else to express.
'You did good,' his friend praises him, lips still resting gently on his own
and Seth mimics the other's smile, hugging him close to let it sink in that he
just punched Grant in the face and almost took his ear off. He's never felt
more powerful.
Wrestling might just be the adrenaline kick he was searching for his entire
life. He so needs to tell Jeff about this. Knowing the exact extent of his own
strength and using it to equally protect and destroy is everything he's ever
wanted.
Now he totally gets why Dean dropped out of high school to do this day in, day
out. He can't wait to get in the ring with anyone at Cyberfights, this time
ready to have a real match without long pauses or tiny breaks to correct his
stance and grip.
'I had a little help,' he whispers, walking backwards with Dean still tightly
pressed against his chest until they reach the Camaro and Seth can grab himself
another churro. His daisy is resting on the hood and he takes it, tucking it
behind his ear once more.
Dean sadly lost his during the short bout earlier and Seth can see it lying
squashed on the ground. The small crowd around them is gone again, everyone
moving on with their day. So should the two of them, even though it pains him
that they'll have to drop the boyfriend facade around Lita, Jeff and Matt,
because they're in the know.
And because Dean is rather meticulous about not getting touchy-feely with him
in public. He's either taking his duty as fake boyfriend really serious or he's
completely grossed out by the thought of hitting on Seth. Even with the
knowledge of Dean showing some kind of interest in him for a while, he's not
quite sure the other is even remotely in love with him.
The man's mixed signals will be the death of him.
Chapter End Notes
     I think I already told you all about the surgery I'll most likely
     have next week/the week after that. I don't know yet and I also have
     no clue how long I'll be gone, what will happen once I'm done and
     start the full-time babysitting etc. All infos can be found on my
     writing Tumblr once I know more. Guys, seriously, you are the best
     and I am so thankful you support me in any possible way. Love you
     all!
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Summary
     'He's had his chance with Dean. Now it's your time.' But what if
     Roman is right? This is the first time he's ever been so madly in
     love and he has no clue what he's doing. He can't ask Dean to give
     everything up for him. What if his feeling quiet down in a month and
     he'll fall for someone else? He'd ruin Dean's life and he couldn't
     live with that guilt.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry, I only managed one chapter before I have to leave for the
     hospital on Thursday. But I will post another one-shot in the next
     two days, so I can move on to another fic. Have fun and thanks for
     all the lovely comments. You guys are the best <3
                        Act Sixteen: a little help here
'So, what do you think? Headlock driver or snap double arm DDT?' Seth wipes the
sweat off his face – so much for him only having to stand there and look pretty
while telling Dean how stuff looks – and bends down to rest his hands on his
knees, taking a deep breath.
After getting hit with the Dirty Deeds for like fifty times in a row, he feels
light-headed and Seth is convinced he should see double too. He doesn't which
makes him kind of mad.
Sighing loudly, he sits back on the second rope and looks at Dean, who's not
affected by this training session at all. Or he is, but he has so much more
stamina than Seth that it's actually pathetic how he's wheezing, hanging in the
ropes as if he's ninety years old and dying.
'You know, both times you hit people with their foreheads against the mat, so
for your opponents it doesn't really matter how they get a concussion,' he
exaggerates, letting himself fall ungracefully to the ground to roll out of the
ring and crawl towards his water.
'But I personally prefer the headlock driver. Looks more vicious too, since
you're falling all the way down from a standing position while the DDT forces
your opponent to bend down before you hit him.' Dean hums thoughtfully, looking
at something in the ring only he can see, his arms doing the motions of setting
someone up for one of his finishers.
'For me, falling on my back is easier than going down with my opponent,' his
friend muses, clearly torn between a good looking and a safe move. Seth gulps
down his drink, lying flat on the floor to give this another thought. 'Then you
need to decide what's better. Cushion the impact with your back or your front.
Your body will one day hate you for it anyway.'
Dean climbs on the top turnbuckle to watch Seth catch his breath, pointing at
the bottle of water with raised eyebrows. He moans and grabs it, throwing it
towards Dean in the hopes it'll fly all the way; Seth doesn't even have enough
energy left to look if his friend caught it.
He needs a minute. Or ten. Maybe an hour.
Help.
'You up for another round?' Seth can't stop himself, he laughs even though he
has barely any air left in his lungs. He's ready to fall asleep right here,
covered in sweat, his clothes sticking uncomfortably to his skin, the hair he
once tied into a bun an utter mess on his head.
And Dean wants to wrestle some more. Up to this day, Seth has never been worn
down this badly by anyone – not even Roman – in next to no time. A quick glance
at the clock reveals that they're only doing this for half an hour. Thirty
minutes. What kind of witchcraft is that?
No way is that clock working properly. He feels like they're training for at
least two hours. Possibly three.
'I'm up to lose consciousness,' he whines, rolling himself to the left and
right, like a bug trying to get on its feet after lying flat on its back,
ignoring Dean's amused chuckling. 'You wanted to start doin' this for real, so
don't complain to me now. Why do you think we hit the gym almost daily?'
He manages to haul himself on all four, all the while aping his friend.
Alright, he gets it. Fooling around in the ring is no longer an option, since
he really loves doing this – as demanding as it may be – and would very much
like to continue his training. Seth still is completely overwhelmed by the
feeling of finally arriving at home whenever he climbs through the ropes.
'Please tell me that now comes the part I get to stand or lie there,' he begs
half-heartedly, not quite exhausted enough to admit he can't go on anymore. His
legs are wobbly but he is finally back in the ring with Dean who jumps down on
the mat and walks over.
'Seriously, Seth, you are the only one who can say when you can take no more.
Listen to your body,' Dean demands, steading his slight swaying with a hand on
Seth's shoulders. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the damage he's gone
through today already, trying to find out if this is it for now.
'Could you hold me for a minute?' he whispers, completely at a loss what to do
because he doesn't want to end this session but he seriously needs a second to
catch his breath. Dean doesn't laugh about his immature request, just closes
the distance between them and hugs him, a hand on his head guiding it to his
collarbone.
Ah. That's a battery recharger right there. It doesn't make his limbs lighter,
but it lifts his spirits considerably. Now he's good to go maybe ten more
minutes. If Dean will go easy on him. No more finishers please. Not today. Oh
no, he never spared a thought at the gigantic muscle ache he's going to have
tomorrow. He's an idiot.
Love really makes blind, deaf and stupid. But honestly, there's no place he'd
rather be right now.
'You wanna practice one of your moves?' his friend proposes and Seth is very
tempted to just say yes. He's been dying to bring his standing shiranui to
perfection. All he needs to do is not let go of his opponent in mid-air. When
Dean first told him how the move was executed, Seth nearly flipped him off. How
should he ever be able to lift his whole body up in the air to drag someone
down with him?
But then Dean revealed the magic behind it and explained that the opponent
actually helps hoisting him up with their arms while he jumps. Seth was a tiny
bit disappointed that he never paid enough attention to realize that whenever
he had been watching wrestling. He only ever concentrated on the wrong thing.
'Could we do the Skywalker? I really want to groove that first before we think
about a second finishing move.' Dean lets go of him – no one said he should do
that; Seth is barely able to not yank him back at his tank top –, a small smile
on his face. 'Skywalker? Unless you're a Star Wars fan, don't name your moves
after a movie character.'
What? No, that was never his intention. He just thinks it looks like someone is
walking through the air in a three hundred-sixty degree looping. 'Alright,
Einstein, what would you call it then?' he asks sullenly, still thinking his
idea was good until Dean ruined it with that movie reference.
His friend positions himself on Seth's left side, so he can apply the three-
quarter facelock. 'I get why you did it, so I'd leave you with a part of it.
How do you like Sethwalker? Everyone should have a move named after
themselves.' Right, Dean has Moxicity from his days in the indies, even before
he started to work for Cyberfights.
Sethwalker. He does like the ring of it. Who's he trying to kid? He'd take any
name for it, since Dean was the one throwing it in the mix. But he can totally
get used to Sethwalker. He could also get used to his friend placing his hands
on Seth's waist to give him some boost as soon as he decides to jump.
So he puts him in the facelock – Seth actually has to get up on his toes to
properly apply it – and closes his eyes to take a deep, encouraging breath and
pushes himself off the ground, feeling Dean helping him get all the way up and
down again, both of them slamming onto the mat.
'Stop letting go, Seth,' Dean immediately chides him, sitting up as if he
didn't just hit the canvas full-force. Seth still has so much to learn but for
once, he doesn't really mind. He's never felt so alive than whenever he stands
in the ring, so every reprimand and suggestion for improvement is more than
just welcome.
After all, Seth wants to be the best at what he's doing.
'It's a three-quarter facelock that turns into an inverted one. If you just let
go every time, the move loses its purpose.' Seth sighs, not quite understanding
why he fears to go through with the lock. Dean won't give him a chance to think
about it, just drags him to his feet and puts him in position for another one.
'If you let go, I will blow off our arrangement and make sure that you never
step a foot in the ring again.' Jeez, grumpy. No need for threats. But if Seth
might face a world without getting kissed by Dean and wrestling, then he'll
lock the other's head in his arms as if there's no tomorrow.
He won't release his opponent ever again.
They execute the move once more and this time – too scared to lose everything –
Seth keeps the facelock applied even after they're lying flat on the mat, Dean
clapping on the arm that almost strangles his neck. 'Seriously, an empty threat
is all I needed? If we were a couple I would deny you the sex until you get it.
Which you do, knucklehead. Stop being afraid.'
He's not frightened to screw up a move. Seth is only concerned that he'll hurt
someone, in his case Dean and– 'We are a couple and there is no sex anyway,' he
grouses, scrambling to his feet again, feeling like the king of the world
because he just did a somewhat acceptable Sethwalker. He can still work on the
tenseness of his legs, so that they won't flap all around the place when he's
in the air, but other than that, his first finishing move is in the bag.
'We pretend to be a couple,' Dean corrects him, both of them very adamant about
the definition of their friendship – pre-relationship in Seth's mind. 'After
all the stuff you're constantly pulling in front of the camera and me obviously
having a crush on you, we could be a couple. And don't you dare talk back at me
now.'
Dean stares at him mildly annoyed before he leans on the top rope, heaves
himself over it and hops down to the floor, leaving Seth alone in the ring. Oh,
really mature. Running away when it gets serious. Fanfreakingtastic. How is
Seth supposed to know when he steps over the line or if this whole charade
amounts to anything?
'So you're just going to walk away now?' he screams frustrated, watching Dean
grab his stuff without ever looking back at him. Seth is so furious, blood
pumping through his veins, helping him ignore the throbbing pain, that he
forgets climbing out of the ring to dash after the other.
'Yes, I am. I won't have this talk with you.' So that's his glorious
argumentation? Just because he's older that doesn't mean that he's the only one
who can exercise his authority. 'Why not?' Even now he doesn't get a word of
explanation, an apologetic smile or shrug.
Dean simply goes to the door, fierce but slower than usual, as if he's having
an internal debate, shouting back, 'No, Seth.' So that's it. This is how their
first, actual conversation about them is going down? How disappointing.
Seth really thought Dean wouldn't chicken out. Especially after turning him on,
lulling him into a false sense of safety with this referee crap and proposing
to be his stupid boyfriend. Is he not desirable, old, or good enough? Is it
something he said or did?
All he wants is for Dean to not leave him hanging like this. 'Why?' he almost
pleads, his voice no longer filled with rage, legs finally giving out and he
crashes against the canvas with his whole weight. He must sound even more
crestfallen than he thought, because this time Dean stops and turns around,
though his gaze is directed anywhere but at Seth's face.
'Cause I can't, okay? Not yet.'
                                     * * *
An hour later Seth is freshly showered and generally feeling a bit better.
Though Dean's words still constantly echo in his head, refusing to leave him
alone.
'So, he practically admitted that there's something – which, by the way, we all
knew. No one pretends to be in a relationship just for shits and giggles,' Jeff
says, biting heartily into his sandwich; a small lettuce leaf hanging out of
the corner of his mouth until he sucks it in.
Lita is sitting on the counter while Matt mops the store, all three of them
once again listening to him complaining about everything. They're really true
friends.
He remembers being here the day he and Dean took on his school bullies –
because his crush still owed him a hot chocolate – and how Lita had scolded
them for using any kind of violence while she too couldn't suppress a grin. Not
whenever she saw the happiness in Seth's eyes. Dean had taken a seat next to
him, sipped at his coffee with a secretive smile on his lips while Seth retold
the story over and over again, each repetition getting longer and more brutal.
Now he's here alone and not sure if Dean will ever speak with him again. He
just had to push the other to his limits and now that he knows his friend isn't
ready for anything – which is so odd since he seems to be pretty eager whenever
they have to play– Oh, he's such a moron.
Of course Dean is the best pretend boyfriend he could ever have asked for. How
could Seth forget that the other is an actor? Sure, it's only for porn movies,
but wrestling demands a certain amount of acting too. He's been so good at it
that Seth completely pushed that truth to the back of his mind.
He cringes at his own imbecility. Seriously, ever since he met Dean his brain
has been on a constant vacation. What is wrong with him?
'I don't get it, why is he not ready? And for what?' he sighs, shaking his head
when Jeff offers him a piece of his meal. He's not hungry; not with this weird
feeling inside his belly, this sinking realization that something just broke.
He desperately wants to mend it, yet he has no clue how. Or if Dean is even
interested in it getting fixed.
Lita follows Matt with her cheerful eyes and Seth's chest constricts so badly
that he has to turn away. He wants that too, has had it – as fake as it might
have been – and now he maybe blew it because he didn't know when to stop
pushing.
He doesn't expect her to answer, since she seems to be completely lost in
thoughts while watching her own boyfriend clean out her store, but she does.
'There are a lot of reasons, sunshine. You're still seventeen and he seems like
a guy that has made enough mistakes in his life already. Seducing a minor is
out of the question.'
So once he turns eighteen everything will miraculously change? Excuse him if he
can't believe that. Lita catches his grumpy frown and cocks her eyebrows.
'Okay, how about this? You're still a virgin and I'm sure he wants your first
time to be with someone who doesn't sleep with other guys as a living. No?'
No. He doesn't care about his first time, hasn't thought about it because of
all the other things happening. Sure, he'd love Dean to be the one, but right
now he has other things to worry about. The less he thinks about Dean's job,
the better.
Lita tips a finger against her lips, trying to come up with something else that
will convince Seth. 'Is this suitable enough then? The tryouts are next month
and he can't fail. He just can't. So falling for you is probably not what he
needs right now.'
It's not like he asked Dean to love him back or anything, though it is nice to
imagine the other already did. But he gets it, Rome's constantly nagging him to
be good, to ace those tryouts, so he can finally live his big dream. There's a
lot of pressure on him at the moment and Seth's fieriness to declare them a
real couple is probably putting even more weight on his shoulders.
'You make it sound like it's a bad thing falling for this goober,' Jeff jokes,
standing up to walk behind the counter and helping himself to a bottle of coke.
'Please ask to be served,' his brother and Lita chide him at the same time and
Seth laughs. He's heard them say that so often already, it's not really
imposing anymore.
Jeff grumbles and fishes out a five dollar bill to hand it over to a grinning
Lita before he dances around the wet patches on the ground to sit back at the
table. 'Matt never has to pay.' 'That's cause I,' Jeff's older brother starts,
but he gets interrupted by his girlfriend. Probably a wise choice by the woman.
'Then he'll pay from now on. And we're not here to discuss that. Seth came to
us to ask for our help,' she reminds everyone of his misery and Seth ducks his
head again.
'It's not just Dean, it's everything. IASHS accepted me. I could move to San
Francisco in the summer and leave all of this behind me.' But then again, he
really started to love working at Cyberfights and for the first time ever, he's
found a passion that keeps him going, that makes him brim with energy and life.
And then there's this whole, complicated thing with Dean. And Roman still
urging him to keep his distance, so Dean won't have any distractions until the
tryouts are over. But then what? Should he even worry about all that stuff now
without knowing how they'll go? Planning for his future without being sure what
he'll even be doing tomorrow is not exactly a wise decision.
What is he supposed to do? Leave for college, something that has lost all its
appeal to him or stay and pick up wrestling for real because that is the only
thing making him feel alive? Other than Dean. Which would be the second problem
he has.
No matter how much he wracks his brain, he won't get an answer any time soon.
Not from Dean, apparently, and he already knows what he wants.
Lita hops down the counter to give him a gentle hug while handing Jeff his
money back before she steals a sip of his coke and says, 'You have to do what
you have to do. You know what's right, Seth. Follow your heart.' It's so weird
that it's almost funny.
Dean had asked him to listen to his body only two hours ago and now Lita
advises him to do the same with his heart. But Roman wants him to do the exact
opposite. At least until March is over. Or so he said.
'It tells me to stay with Dean,' he murmurs, not quite sure he's allowed to say
that one out loud, but his friends just collectively smile at him. They already
knew as much. Matt puts the mop and the dirty water away to finally sit down
with them too, clapping him patronizingly on the shoulder. 'Maybe they won't
take him.'
But he wants them to. They'd be stupid to let Dean slip through their fingers
once more. 'They have to,' he insists, a foreign force making his stomach drop.
He shouldn't be sad though, right? His friend will finally get out of the adult
movie business and Seth will move out, starting his new life as an independent
person.
Jeff hums, clearly hell-bent on making Seth feel better. 'He seems to be pretty
okay with the porn thing,' his best friend remarks in the hopes of lifting his
spirit. Yes, Dean has told him more than once already that he loves what he's
doing but he has to agree with Roman on this one.
Dean Ambrose should be named with the big names of wrestling in one breath. Not
with other porn starlets, as good and entertaining as Jon Moxley might be.
'He's destined for more,' Seth hears himself utter helplessly, despairing
because it all leads to only one possible outcome and he doesn't like it one
bit.
'You can't force a guy to his happiness. If he wants to stay, he'll stay.' Matt
is right and Seth knows it, but he couldn't face the consequences of that
either. 'Roman would hate me so much for it.' Not only because Dean let this
once in a lifetime chance pass by but also because he lost his best friend, ex-
lover to another man.
He never asked the Samoan if he still has hopes of getting back together with
Dean, especially now that he and his wife are having marital problems. And
quite frankly, he doesn't even want to hear the man's answer.
Jeff coughs violently after chocking on his food, face turning bright red and
Matt claps him on the back until his brother catches his breath again. 'Sorry,'
Jeff apologizes for no apparent reason, picking up the conversation again,
while Seth just wishes this day would already end.
All he wanted to do was wrestle with Dean and now he's sitting at Lita's and
pours his heart out, feeling like the other shoe will drop soon too.
'He's had his chance with Dean. Now it's your time.' But what if Roman is
right? This is the first time he's ever been so madly in love and he has no
clue what he's doing. He can't ask Dean to give everything up for him. What if
his feeling quiet down in a month and he'll fall for someone else? He'd ruin
Dean's life and he couldn't live with that guilt.
Lita hugs him once more and all the troubling thoughts leave his mind, his
friend proving to be a beacon of hope once more. 'When the moment has come,
you'll know what to do.' How can she have so much faith in him when Seth feels
like he's lost in the darkness, swimming around in an ocean of unknowingness.
And so far he's also successfully ignored another, very specific problem: his
family. He may not like them very much, but they are his flesh and blood. He's
not yet strong enough – like Dean – to go and find a new one that loves and
accepts him unconditionally. Seth is still dependent on them, to a certain
degree.
'My parents would cut me out of their will and cast me out if I make this with
Dean official.' Matt looks at him, long and hard, recalling every story Seth
has ever shared about his family. After a while, he tucks his black hair behind
his ear and gives him a tiny poke into the side.
'I'm sure they'll come around,' he tries half-heartedly and they all scoff;
it's obvious that even Matt can't believe what he just said. His parents would
end up pretending he was never born, glad that the black sheep stopped staining
their pristine white family history.
Lita gives him a kiss on the cheek, assuring him very convincingly, 'You'll
always have us.'
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     'We did not raise you to be a wrestler.' Excuse him? That's still a
     free choice of his. This is not their middle son asking for their
     permission. He's already made up his mind. They can do whatever they
     want, they'll have to kill him to stop wrestling.
Chapter Notes
     Hey lovelies! Don't get your hopes up, I'm not back yet but I have
     another small chapter for you that I edited in the hospital. I also
     don't have much time since it's my niece's 3rd birthday, but thanks
     for everything. I love you guys!
   Warning for a special someone: Seth's family appears in this chapter. As
                    always, proceed with caution, sweetie.
                        Act Seventeen: fight-or-flight
As if his whole life isn't already horrible enough, fate chooses that night to
let his parents find out that he's not working for a renowned architect's
office. He thinks they're more shocked that he lied them straight in the face
than that he hid his true work place.
Which he still does. He'll cut off his tongue, cook and swallow it before he'll
admit he has an internship at Cyberfights. Not after they made a call to
incriminate Dean and denounce everyone he's captured in his heart.
They don't tell him how they found out, but he suspects it was Sam who somehow
tipped them off. So much for wanting to protect them, keep them in his life
because they're the only family he'll ever have.
If Dean can find someone like Roman, who welcomed him with open arms into this
huge, caring circle of uces, then Seth can do that too. He doesn't even need a
dozen people to feel loved. All he requires is one person to believe in him, to
respect his choices and accept him the way he is.
If the Rollinses can't do that – or won't, since they had the chance for so
long now – then there's nothing left for him here. One battlefield less to
fight on.
It's really sad that it has come to this. He always hoped that they would come
around, but it seems like they only groomed him to be this perfect, well-
behaved heir to the throne – one he doesn't even want anymore. He can't
understand this anyway.
His whole life he's fought against them, has hated them deep down because
they'd rather send him away than deal with him and they still want Seth to
carry on the name Rollins. They probably had to change their plan once Samuel
told them he'd much rather be a publisher than sex therapist and since Sophie
is so precious that she needs to be shielded from the likes of Jon Moxley, they
didn't want her to listen to people's problems. They can't have little Sophie
get tainted by sickos, can they now?
Ugh, so hypocritical.
His father is looking at him, sitting in his favorite armchair, disappointment
evident in his eyes while his mother is standing right in front of him, trying
to be authoritative, but Seth doesn't really care. All he can think about is
that he's lost Dean and his family on the same day and it's almost funny that
the quarrel with Dean hurts him way more.
'Ever since you've known this man, your behavior has gotten worse. He's even
inciting you to lie to us,' his mother hisses, obviously out of her mind right
now. No one could manipulate Seth into betraying his family. No one needs to,
since he's done with them and they managed to push him to this point all by
themselves. Well done.
'That's not true,' he defends himself and Dean alike. They can say whatever
they want about him, he doesn't mind anymore, but Seth won't let them talk
trash about his friend. He doesn't have a lot of them, so he wants to keep the
ones that he managed to gather over the years.
'He has nothing to do with this.' Ha, look at that. Another lie. He only
started to work for Hunter because of Dean. And he'd do it again, even with all
the heartbreak.
His father shakes his head in this passive aggressive, disappointed way Seth
hates so much. It's supposed to make him feel bad, but truth is, he doesn't
even care anymore. 'Then why didn't you tell us?'
He contains his hysterical laughter, can't stop himself from throwing his arms
in the air to show his exasperation though. Are they really so blind to him and
his life that they have to ask that? 'Because I know you never agree with what
I'm doing. Not matter where I'm having this internship, you'd always tell me to
quit. You only accepted the architect thing because I said I'd follow your
footsteps.'
His mother blanches and he can see what she will ask before she even opens her
mouth. It's ridiculous how much the sheer thought of Dean can upset her. 'You
better tell me you're not working with him.' Or what? She'll ground him again?
Since that worked out so good for them the last time.
Seth throws her an indignant glare and yells, 'Mom, no.' Wow, it gets easier
every time. By now he just wants to pack his things, change his last name and
never think of them again. He doesn't dare to dream of something along the
lines of Seth Ambrose – not yet – but it's a soothing thought anyway.
'I didn't because this internship is entirely mine. It makes me happy and I
finally realized what I want to do with the rest of my life.' They both look at
him with trepidation, their eyes as huge as golf balls. So he drives his point
home. 'I don't want to go to IASHS anymore.'
Dead silence greets him and he can't recall a moment he's ever shocked his
parents this much. Not even when Dean admitted he was Jon Moxley. They really
wanted to pass the torch to him. Is this his personal sort of punishment for
being the son they had the most trouble with?
'What?' his mother squeaks, face still ashen, fingers searching for the couch,
so she can lean on something. They've never cared about him and now that he
told them he wants to live his own life they act as if he murdered someone and
hid the body in their basement.
Seth runs a hand through his hair, momentarily at a loss what to do. He only
now remembers that he never told them the letter arrived. 'College is nothing
for me. You and all this–' 'You got accepted?' his mother interrupts him
brusquely and Seth sighs.
'Yes, but–' 'We counted on you to follow in our footsteps,' his father cuts him
off this time and Seth groans, getting seriously angry that they never let him
finish. If they'd just listen. Is that too much to ask?
'But this is my life, my decision. I've finally found something–' 'What?' Oh
for pity's sake, would they stop that? His parents wouldn't even have to
interrupt him if they'd hear him out. Seth was about to explain.
'Then just stop talking for a second, will you?' he shouts, finally having
enough. He doesn't even wait for them to answer and just admits what has been
brooding inside of him for weeks. 'Wrestling.' That felt good, liberating. It's
like he finally made the decision and whatever happens now is out of his hands.
Well, at least some part of it.
They open their mouths and he can feel their disapproval, but he's not done
yet. They listen to him now or else he won't even make the effort to help them
understand. 'No, trust me. I'm really good and I love it. I'm home in the
ring.'
His mother sinks down on the couch, all her hopes and dreams crushed by his
simple statement. Her face is still pale, but he can see it in her eyes that
she, once again, has found the alleged culprit that bewitched her son. It's so
weird. Now that he is happy and has found his true calling, they act is if they
caught him poisoning their dinner. Shouldn't they support him no matter what he
does?
'We did not raise you to be a wrestler.' Excuse him? That's still a free choice
of his. This is not their middle son asking for their permission. He's already
made up his mind. They can do whatever they want, they'll have to kill him to
stop wrestling.
'I knew he was bad news,' his mother mumbles, honestly blaming Dean for a
decision Seth made all by himself. He is capable of doing it, but his parents
seem to have forgotten that. 'This man has put a bee in your bonnet, can't you
see?'
Not really. Especially since he was the one stalking him, so he could be close,
with the sole intention of making him his. Dean had nothing to do with this. He
never even talked to him – and he could have – when he saw him at Lita's. Dean
tried to stay away from him until the day Seth turned the tables and demanded
to be a part of his life.
His friend only showed him the entrance to a bigger, brighter world but it was
Seth who stepped through it. They should give him some credit too.
'I told you,' he groans, rolling his eyes because he's tired of them putting
the blame on Dean, 'this has nothing to do with him.' Will they ever believe
him? Doesn't look like it, especially now that his father glares at him, anger
bubbling up inside the man.
A second later he knows why. 'You are still together with him?' Did they really
think he'd let go of Dean just because his parents demanded it? 'Yes,' he calls
out, though he winces on the inside – to be frank, he has no idea if his friend
even wants to ever meet him again.
Great, now he made himself sad.
His mother practically jumps out of her seat, pointing an accusing finger at
him while spitting out, 'You will go to your room and call this internship off.
You will not leave until you come to your senses again.' Is she serious? She
does know that she sounds like a Monopoly figure coming to life, sending him to
jail, right?
'And while you're at it, young man, you will break up with this person. He has
disgraced us enough.' They don't need to like Dean; it's his decision, Dean is
the love of his life. They never tried to interfere in Sam's affairs like this.
Why do they hate him so much?
'It's not about you. It never was,' he exclaims, standing up too to confront
them head-on. They can't treat him like this. His father won't have his little
display of resistance though, raising his voice until it vibrates through his
whole body, shutting him up efficiently. 'Upstairs. We don't want to see you
until this is settled.'
They're going to keep him a prisoner in his own room? Have they lost their
mind? 'You can't cage me,' he tries to reason, but he could also have said I
turn into a bunny at night; they don't care or listen to him anymore. His
father steps closer, looking down at him with hard, cold eyes, correcting him
grimly, 'We can and we will.'
Technically they can, but surely it's forbidden. It must be. 'You've lost your
mind and we won't allow you to ruin everything. Now go and tell us when you
have to use the bathroom.' As they push him towards the staircase, his thoughts
swirl around in his head uncontrollably.
They're going to lock the door. This is unlawful detention. He's so not the one
who has gone nuts. 'It's for your own good.' This time he does laugh, he can't
stop it from escaping his mouth. 'I'm sure that's what they all say,' Seth
scoffs and storms off, suddenly not able to stand their sight anymore.
Once he's inside his room, he hears his door being shut and locked tight, but
it doesn't matter to him. There is still one other way to escape this hell and
he'll do that in just a minute. Before he does, he needs to pack his stuff,
since he won't be coming back here. Not if he can help it.
While he pulls a duffel bag out of his closet, he fishes for his phone in his
jeans pocket and calls his friend, before they realize their mistake and try to
take that away from him too. He has no other place to go and he's more than
just scared to death that Dean won't pick up after everything, but he doesn't
have to wait long until he hears the familiar voice.
'Seth, come on, it's been a few hours. I'm still not ready.' Oh thank God, Dean
doesn't sound angry or enervated, just mildly tired of his persistence. Man, he
can't believe all of this happened in just one day. Feels like he's awake for
weeks already.
He packs his laptop and school stuff in his backpack; his shirts, jeans,
underwear and socks into the duffel. Since he can't go to the bathroom to
gather his belongings there, he'll just have to ask Dean to stop at a grocery
store, so he can replace them.
No chance in hell is he going to beg for his freedom. Not even if he'd have to
pee into the only – barely – living plant in his room.
'I– it's– no, that's not why I'm calling,' he mutters, voice hushed in case one
of them stands guard in front of the door. 'Okay, what's up?' Dean. Dean. He
can't run away with the other's personal information still in his desk. What if
they find it and somehow twist things around again?
While he raids his drawers for anything related to his friend, he explains his
situation, shaking his head more than once whenever he listens to himself. It
sounds so bizarre that he got turned into Rapunzel because they found out he
lied about his internship.
'Sure; won't climb up your hair though. No offense, buddy, but your parents are
loco.' None taken. He's come to that conclusion too. He's sure that Samuel will
tell them all about Cyberfights once they realize he's gone for good, so Seth
makes a mental note to inform Hunter. Just in case.
'Thank you,' he breathes into the phone, too relieved to even try and hide his
feelings. He's close to flop down to the floor and start bawling. This day has
been way more than he can handle and all he wants is to crawl into a bed and
sleep forever. 'I wasn't sure you'd pick up.'
Dean sighs, this time showing him very clearly how ridiculous that thought is.
'Seth, I'm not doing this teenager, will they, won't they crap. Nothing has
changed. We're still in this together.' Dean wants him in his life, even if
Seth sometimes is too overzealous to get to know him better. He can take it
slow. Or he can try.
It's just– if they go any slower, they'll walk backwards.
'Let me get my horse, I'll be there in twenty,' Dean says before he starts
chuckling. Seth stops tip-toeing around his room, exhaustion and relief slowing
his body down. 'Stay put. Don't go anywhere.' Ha, ha.
Sixteen minutes later Dean climbs through his window as elegantly and quietly
as a cat. He looks like he's done this countless times in his life and Seth
doesn't even want to think about all those lucky people he blessed with an
entrance like that.
'Flattering,' he hears the other snicker and closes his eyes, not wanting to
face whatever Dean has found now. But he has to turn around, since they can't
dilly-dally, and as soon as he does, he wishes he hadn't. Dean stumbled over
all the little things he gathered of the other, his fan collection so to speak.
Why didn't he close his backpack after packing it? It's his own fault. 'That
was before I got to know you,' he grits out, walking over to his bed to zip the
darn bag but Dean is faster. He takes out pictures of himself – or rather Jon
Moxley – that Seth printed out before everything, watching them fascinated.
'This must look like I'm such a fanboy, I'm sorry,' he tries to explain, though
he knows there's nothing he could say that would make it any better. Dean on
the other hand enjoys every second of Seth's rambling and embarrassment. 'No,
please, tell me more.'
It doesn't help that his friend is now looking through the pictures – screen
captures he made like the desperate and horny boy he was back then – with
raised eyebrows, a gleeful grin on his face. 'You gotta tell me that you jerked
off to them,' Dean almost pleads and Seth's face starts to burn.
So he doesn't want to talk about them, but he has no problem bothering Seth, so
he'll know when, how often and how he masturbated in the past three years? 'Not
cool,' he barks, regretting his loud tone as soon as he remembers why Dean is
here in the first place.
The other holds up his hands, muttering, 'No chill.' Alright, alright. It's not
like this is a secret. 'I did, happy? Like I said, that was before I got to
know you.' It's meant to be something between an insult and a mockery, but his
friend turns it into another stupid confession that proves him right.
'And since you know me, you don't need them anymore. I'm surprised you never
asked me for a dick pic.' One should never send someone else nudes pictures;
that only bites you in the ass one day. Though he's not so sure if a porn actor
really minds. And one can never tell with Dean anyway.
'Maybe because it's embarrassing and you have no shame whatsoever, while I do.
Can we now please get out of here before they find you in my room?' he whispers
hurriedly, pushing the duffel in Dean's arms and heading towards the window.
He has never done this before, but it looks really easy when Dean slips out of
it, landing gracefully on the roof of the garage. Seth should have thought
about moving one limb after the other and not trying to squeeze his body
through the quadrangle. Dean lends him a helping hand, tugging him out of his
room after watching him struggle for a while.
Jumping down the garage is a completely different matter. It's higher than the
top rope and he can already feel fear crawling up his spine, but then he hears
a tiny whistle; Dean showing him how to safely hop down, waiting on the ground
for him, arms wide open to promise he'll catch him.
He doesn't need it but just knowing that he won't crash and burn makes it a lot
easer to swallow down the lump in his throat and follow Dean to his car – which
he wisely parked a few houses down the road.
As soon as he's safely inside, Seth allows himself to breathe and think about
what he's just done. He ran away from home after his parents snapped and now
he's begging the one person that needs his space at the moment to come and live
with him. Fun times.
'Where to?' Dean asks matter-of-factly, starting the car and driving away from
the prison that turned out to be his parents' home. So now comes the truly hard
part, since his friend is probably not keen on feeding and taking care of him
when they're having this boyfriend agreement and Seth's emotions won't stop
playing ping-pong.
He turns towards the other, hands clenched into fists in his lap, and blurts
out one apology after the other. 'Believe me, I would ask Jeff, but he's
sharing his apartment with Matt and Lita and they really have not enough room
for another person.'
Not that Dean's flat is that big but it fits two people, even if it gets really
cozy in case one wants to be left in peace and quiet. 'Just ask, dumbo, I won't
say no.' So even after everything, Dean is still willing to help him. He really
has found a true friend in the other and he'll do whatever is necessary to
ensure he'll never lose him again.
They don't talk until they've arrived at the apartment complex Dean is living
in. 'It's just for a little while,' Seth promises, though he's not sure he can
keep it. He's at a loss what to do next, where to go, who to trust. Seth has
never felt so abandoned in his entire life, so stepping into the familiar flat
is like Dean threw him a lifeline and saved him from drowning.
'Stay as long as you want,' his crush assures him, clapping him gently on the
back before he pulls him into a hug, keeping him grounded and safe. Now would
be a great time to start crying but he suddenly realizes he's even too
exhausted for that.
'Thank you,' he mutters against Dean's collarbone, flinging his arms around the
other's waist to show his gratitude. Or so he hopes, because he's sure the move
can be seen perfectly for what it is: desperation.
'Don't mention it,' his friend whispers back against his temple, giving him a
small peck on the spot too. 'You hungry?' Not really. Right now there's only
one thing he wants to do, so he breaks the hug with a heavy heart and walks
over to the couch to lie down and sleep.
'What are you doing? In the bed. Now,' Dean orders gently, grabbing all his
gear to put it into his bedroom. It would seem like he won't take a no for an
answer. However, Seth really can't expect that from his friend. 'Please don't
ask me to hog your bed again.'
Dean looks at him surprised, with a cute, little smile on his face. 'I ended up
in there with you last time, so why bother trying? We're already fake dating,
so we can sleep in the same bed too. No biggie.' No big deal for Dean. For Seth
though it's a dream come true, yet still unbelievable.
His friend is making it exceptionally hard for him to keep his emotional
distance.
They quickly change and go to bed – Dean allowing him to use whatever he needs
in the bathroom, they'll buy some stuff for him on Monday – but sleep eludes
both of them. Moonlight falls brightly through the curtains, yet it's not the
reason he can't find any rest.
With Dean so close to him and after the events of today, he has this sinking
feeling that the lines between their pretend dating and reality will blur until
no one can say what's fake and what's not anymore. All of this is awfully real
to him.
'So, what's the plan?' his crush breaks the silence around midnight and Seth
takes his sweet time to answer – always in the hope he'll come up with
something. 'Think I have one?' It's a shame, but other than going to school and
work like usual he has no idea what to do. It's downright scary.
Dean props himself up on his elbow and gives him a look that says don't
bullshit me, words following suit. 'You always got one.' Usually, yeah. But
ever since Dean walked into his life, Seth has lost control over everything.
The chaos has taken over and Seth is not so sure if he really minds.
'I don't know. I need to regroup first. What's yours?' Maybe they can make a
game plan together. He will not bury that dream until he the day he dies. Or
Dean tells him to get lost for good. Whichever comes first.
'I was thinking chocolate pancakes with strawberries for breakfast, beating you
at any video game I have until we get hungry again and order in – I'd like some
Chinese. After that we can watch a movie or drive to the beach,' Dean rattles
off a list that sounds perfect but is not what Seth has meant. Still, he's
thankful for the smile that dances over his face at that.
He jabs his fingers into his friend's chest and murmurs tiredly, 'Dean.' They
both have something to worry about at the moment and he can't bear the thought
that there's no instant solution to all their problems. He's never hated
something more than wait and see.
Dean exhales loudly, knowing that the fun part of the conversation is over and
Seth wants to hear a decent reply. 'What can I do? I'm going to give my best
and win them over in two weeks; see what'll happen. No point in planning for
something that might not even come true.'
Wise words, yet Seth is still disappointed by them, though he should be used to
Dean's carefree attitude by now. 'What if?' he whispers, voice so low that Seth
is not certain if the other even heard him. But when there's a groan that
borders on ask me one more time and I'll kill you, he knows Dean will play
along.
'You really like that game, huh?' Seth shakes his head, pulling the covers up
to hide the shivering of his body. 'I simply like to know what to expect.' So
he can prepare himself for all eventualities. That's the first step of coming
up with a good plan: gathering intel.
Dean nods, muttering something that sounds like fair point and lies back down,
hands resting under his head as if that helps him think. 'Depends,' his friend
eventually says, unnerving Seth to no end. Does he really have to worm
everything out of him?
Since Dean stays quiet, it's his job to prod some more; this time surely not
violating any rules of their strange relationship. 'On what?' His crush hums
and Seth can't quite tell why, but he thinks Dean isn't telling him the whole
truth when he answers him a minute later. 'Who'll take me, what they'd want to
do with me and,' he trails off, leaving Seth with more questions than he had
before.
'And?' he prompts awe-struck, his voice cutting through the silence, making him
flinch. He sounds so lonely and forsaken, it's kind of pitiful. They've reached
dangerous grounds again, he is aware of that, but he needs to hear it. Just
once and then he'll back off.
There's a controlled sigh that's almost a scornful huff and Seth can tell he's
lost this one. Dean's shutting him out once more. 'We should sleep now.' And
with that his friend turns away from him, refusing to talk for the rest of the
night.
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Summary
     'I told you there'd be complications,' Roman sighs, sitting down
     opposite of Seth and watching him with a gloomy yet furious
     expression. 'That it wouldn't work out. I warned you to stay away.'
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for slacking so badly lately but as it turns out I need a
     second surgery - the exact same type of surgery I just went through
     and that my body didn't react to very well - because on top of
     everything I have a biliary colic. Life is awesome, isn't it? So that
     will be my last update for a long time, since on Tuesday I'll talk
     with my surgeon about the date and so on. Check my writing tumblr
     (ambrollinsgirl) for updates if you're interested. I'm sorry to
     abandon all my projects for now but life just won't give me a break.
     Just keep me in your thoughts that this time I'll make it through the
     surgery and the aftereffects without any major problems. I'm really
     scared my heart will take it as bad as last time - or worse. Anyway,
     thanks for your support and all your comments. I love you!
                   Act Eighteen: you can't handle the truth
'Gixx?' Yes, Gixx. He had to come up with a name people could put on the
referee profile on the website and he'll rather quit this job than using Seth
Rollins or the one he has chosen to be his future wrestling gimmick: Tyler
Black. 'Gixx is as good as anything.'
Jojo Offerman wanders off, clearly disapproving of the tiny outburst he just
had, but he can't help it. He's about to step into the ring as referee once
more, and this time he'll have a name. People out there will associate him with
it, will fantasize about him and do the same stuff he did with Jon Moxley.
He shouldn't have Dean let him talk into doing another gig. Though, to be fair,
his crush didn't need to coax him into anything. On Sunday, he simply stated
that people out there were asking for him again, demanding his presence even,
and asked if Seth was up for another segment.
Being the conciliator sounds easy. Being close to Dean while he wrestles is
awesome, but having to watch him bang someone – Dolph to be precise because
they're still working together –, is impossible. He can't do it. And yet he
will, because apparently he has gone mad and he already has fans.
Dean hadn't been lying about that. Jojo, who works for the media department,
even showed him some of the comments on his first video and to say he'd been
baffled is a gross understatement.
No one knows he's still a minor, Stephanie – Hunter's wife and the third owner
of this company – forbid to leak any information while his boss made him sign a
contract that states he won't be allowed to do anything other than refereeing
until he is eighteen.
There was a clause though, on which Seth and apparently also Dean insisted and
that was that his friend would be the only one who'd have the permission to
touch him in front of the camera. Seth would not shoot with anyone else. He
wanted to ask if Dean kissing him in the ring was against the rules too, but he
didn't – too frightened the answer would be no.
And getting touched by the other is the only thing Seth is looking forward to.
It's not the usual pretend boyfriend stuff but it's not entirely the Jon Moxley
puts on a show for the world crap either. It's somewhere between them being who
they really are and an act for the camera.
Honestly, it's mostly confusing, but the good kind. Because Seth thinks that
there's more truth to it than to their fake relationship. In those precious
moments there's more Dean in Jon than usual and it's his friend's odd way to
test the waters.
Seth walks into Dean's locker room, the other is already at the ring to warm
himself up, and changes into his arbitrator outfit. Since this is a porn
shooting, he doesn't get long pants but thanks to him being underage and all,
he doesn't have to squeeze himself into too tight trunks either.
AJ Lee and Rosa, the costume designers, found an old, unused ring gear from a
former actor that they resew a bit, so it'd fit his skinny frame. And since he
hasn't really an impressive set of muscles – though his training so far is
slowly starting to pay off – he gets a long-sleeved, striped shirt this time.
It's all about the looks, isn't it? Speaking of, should he take off his
glasses? He wore them last time and he's hopelessly blind without them, but he
can't believe all those perverts out there really dig the geek appearance. Then
again, he wouldn't want to miss out on anything Dean does, like throwing him a
look that's heavy with meaning, so he keeps them on. He should think about
getting contacts nonetheless.
Seth shrugs off Dean's leather jacket – the man has been borrowing him it since
he ran away last week – and takes off his shirt and jeans to slip into his
makeshift ring gear. Thankfully AJ bought him brand new Converse Chucks from
the All Star Collection that fit him perfectly. And he now feels connected to
the woman because they both love to run around in those.
These people, the good ones, the ones behind the scenes, though he'd like to
include some of the actors too, are becoming more than just his friends. Seth
thinks cheerfully that they're starting to replace his family and he really
could get used to that.
He doesn't feel a hundred percent comfortable in this gear, but AJ has promised
they'd come up with something that is entirely his, so he doesn't worry himself
too much about it. Seth also suspects it's because of the whole I have to watch
Dean bone someone who isn't me thing that's waiting for him on set.
It's still so surreal to him to see how things work behind the camera. He's
been Miz' personal assistant for a while now, but he doesn't think he'll ever
get used to this. People running around, setting up cameras, going through the
different shots, carrying around yards of cables, Miz talking to Dean and Dolph
about the vision he has for the match and everything that may or may not happen
afterwards.
          Jon Moxley vs. Nick Nemeth (w/ special guest referee Gixx)
Seth shudders slightly when he reads the title on Damien's script. He can't
believe that Jojo already managed to change everything. He now has his own
first gimmick name. As soon as he steps into the ring, he'll no longer be Seth
Rollins. Oh God, he's never really thought about who he wants to be in there.
Not like himself and Tyler Black, since he still has some hopes left to start a
wrestling career under that name.
Maybe he shouldn't think too hard about it. No one actually cares about the
referees, as long as they do their job. And people only watch him because
they're waiting for the day Jon will take him and mark him as his. They're not
staying tuned to find out more about him.
It's soothing to think like this, so he repeats it over and over in his head
while he walks up to his shooting partners on wobbly legs. He's a nervous
wrack, even though he doesn't have anything to do. Other than counting someone
out, slamming his arm and hand on the canvas and maybe break up a hold or
something.
And there is a big chance that Dean will find a way to blindside him again,
though this time, Seth is prepared for a kiss. Looking forward to it, quite
frankly. But he's also pretty sure that Dean has another ace up his sleeve. He
never pulls the same move twice, so Seth should expect the unexpected.
Which is basically everything, since his crush isn't acting solely as Dean, and
Jon is as unpredictable as the Joker.
Dolph smiles at him while Dean's expression is grim as they both listen to Miz.
He comes to a halt beside them, tuning into the one-sided conversation. 'The
focus shouldn't be on Seth–' 'Gixx,' he murmurs absent-mindedly, already
anxious to make sure that he and that referee are not the same person.
'I know, but we do the briefing with the real names. I'm not willing to keep up
with all the fake ones,' Miz lectures him and Seth averts his gaze, asking
himself how he never picked up on that during his time as the man's lackey. His
direct superior resumes his monologue, pointing once again at Seth.
'Don't make him the center of attention and Dolph, hands off; that's an order
from the top. The only one allowed to interact with Seth is Dean.' Dolph looks
at him surprised before he frowns. 'So I can't yell at him to ask Dean to tap
out or anything?'
Miz shakes his head overly exasperated, gesturing animatedly with his hands.
'Of course you can. I meant no sexual interaction. He's Dean's.' Excuse him, he
is what? Seth blushes against his will when he catches the superior and
satisfied grin on his friend's face.
Well, he demanded that no one else would ever touch him and now he got exactly
that.
Dolph turns towards him and bends down, whispering loud enough for everyone to
hear, 'What did you do to deserve that?' It's meant to be a joke, but Seth
still feels slightly offended by these words. Dean is no punishment. 'I fell in
love with him,' he deadpans, but Dolph's smile doesn't vanish. Of course,
everyone knows that already.
'Dean will hit the Dirty Deeds, Dolph kicks out, executes the Zig Zag and Seth
counts one, two, three. Everyone is happy, we can call it a day and there's
time for a latte,' Miz concludes, asking if they all know their lines but
rushes away before anyone can even answer.
Seth walks over to Dean, grabbing his wrist to hold him back. 'Will there be
any surprises?' His friend only looks at him impassively and Seth can't fight
the chill running down his spine. Jon staring at him with those unforgiving
blue eyes always gets to him. And not in the good way.
He shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot, trying to make sense of the cold
demeanor. 'We shot the prelude to the match already,' Dean answers slowly,
avoiding his question on purpose. 'That's not what I meant.'
The other's gaze wanders to the empty ring and Dolph waiting for his entrance
before he turns away without another word. Sometimes he hates Jon Moxley so
much, he can't even put it into a coherent thought. So there will be something
that'll take him completely by surprise, something Dean doesn't seem too happy
about.
Seth can only repeat himself, he doesn't feel at ease if he hasn't mapped out
everything and is not in the know. But Dean likes to keep him in the dark, to
catch him unawares. He wants Seth to loosen up and get used to the charming
chaos that is life.
Especially one with Dean.
'Seth, get in, so Eden can announce the wrestlers; we're not gonna introduce
you, if you don't mind. Your name will only appear in the video description for
now,' Miz urges him to get a move on and Seth slides into the ring, clapping
some inexistent dust off his shirt. He's really on edge and he's also getting
nauseous because of the thing Dean will do. Whatever it turns out to be.
Seth can't describe it, he still feels perfectly safe with Jon Moxley around,
but there's something about that darkness in the other's gaze that causes his
legs to start trembling. Sweat slowly covers his forehead and he can feel his
heartbeat pick up, his whole ribcage vibrating with each thump.
As soon as Eden – one of the only women that appear on-screen – is done with
her thing and the bell rings, Seth blends out everything else; his mind fixated
on the match. Seriously, being in the ring is a life-changing lightbulb-moment
and he has never felt this content. Between the ropes, that's exactly where he
belongs.
So no matter what he'll end up doing – San Francisco, Cyberfights – he will
continue to wrestle until he's good enough to compete in the independent
circuit and who knows, maybe one day he'll work for a big wrestling promotion.
Once he's gathered enough experience, he can return and open the wrestling
school with Dean. Perhaps they both can come back home once they've battled
each other across the whole world. He'd love to do that.
Dean behaves during his match, which is a first and really worrisome, giving
Seth next to nothing to do. Other than awkwardly scramble out of the way
whenever he's either standing in front of a camera or in the danger zone. One
time he barely manages to evade Dolph's feet when Dean counters his attack with
a double underhook superplex from the second rope.
But occasionally he can feel Dean slap him on his butt or watches the other
air-kissing him with the sole intention of winding the referee up. And it
totally works. He tries to act nonchalantly, but he needs five tries to stop
grinning like a fool whenever Dean turns his attention back to his sparring
partner.
It's fascinating to observe the bleach blond sell his moves; Seth is sure he
could learn a lot from him. Dean was right, Dolph can make the most mundane
move look like he broke every bone in his body. Seth's goal isn't to appear
like one strong breeze could fold him in half, but Dean doesn't really
concentrate a lot on selling during their training sessions.
He wouldn't say that his friend can't do it right, but Dolph is the ultimate
seller.
Seth has no idea how long the match lasts, he always loses all sense of time in
the squared circle, but when Dean hits his finisher and Dolph kicks out to
retaliate with his own, he drops down to the ground and counts the cover, Dolph
rolling off of his co-worker in what looks like he spun all his energy with
that last movement.
Dean plays the sore loser terrifyingly well – he even manages to make Seth
believe that his reaction is genuine –, screaming and banging his fists against
the canvas until he kicks Dolph in the guts, so he'll stay where he is and is
standing in front of Seth in the blink of an eye.
He's so taken aback by the other's quickness – he would be dead for hours after
an intense, physical match like this – that he can only watch in horror how his
friend pulls something shiny out of his trunks and puts it around Seth's wrist
and the middle rope at the same time.
For a few seconds he can only numbly stare at the silver thing trapping him to
the ring, but then his body and mind come alive and he finally starts to trash
around in his corner. He throws a scared glance at Miz, though he knows that
the man won't stop filming this.
They haven't told Seth so his reaction is as real as it can be. This sucks. The
one thing he didn't want to be a part of is now happening right in front of him
yet again and there is no way of avoiding it.
No matter if he likes it or not, he has to wait for this to be over. And until
then he can't freak out and start crying just because the love of his life is
ripping Dolph's trunks off to take him right in front of Seth's eyes. This time
he has no chance to retreat and he knows that all his reactions are caught on
camera, which is why he swallows down the hatred and sadness he feels to keep
up his facade.
As Gixx, he basically does what Seth would do too, minus the mental breakdown,
though he does sink to the ground when his legs give out and Jon asks Nick if
he still thinks that winning against him has helped him in any way. Seth has no
clue what they're talking about; he didn't keep track of their staged feud.
He's about to throw up or bite his arm off to get out of here when Dean stops
jerking Dolph off without using any lube – probably as some kind of retaliation
– to put on a condom and eases himself into the man; being surprisingly gentle
after the rough treatment.
Seth watches beads of sweat trail down Dolph's temples, listens to both of them
moaning way too loud for his liking, all the while biting on his tongue until
he can taste blood. His gaze briefly wanders through the crowd behind the
camera and he almost gasps when he catches sight of Roman.
The other has never been present during shootings, unless he is in the scene
too. Whatever the reason, Seth was never so glad to see him. It's like the
Samoan helps ease his mind, makes him forget what's happening and suddenly he
doesn't feel his own body anymore.
His eyes do watch Dean and Dolph screwing each other and he even registers that
the blond comes all over the mat while Dean immediately pulls out of him – not
caring about his own release – to throw the used condom away with a look of
disgust on his face before he pushes his co-worker out of the way and runs a
hand through his hair, leaving it in a cute state of disarray.
Seth's mind is still not attached to his body, which must show by now, because
Dean rolls Dolph out of the ring to finish their little segment, calling him
all kinds of names and threatens him that this is far from over, before Miz
yells, 'And that's a wrap, well done guys. Dean, would you–' 'Already on it,'
he hears his friend reply, terror making his smooth voice sound shrill.
Why is Dean so concerned?
He barely manages to move his head in the direction he's last seen the other
in, but before he can blink Dean is kneeling in front of him, taking off the
handcuffs while murmuring, 'I'm sorry. Are you hurt?' No, the cuffs weren't
even cutting into his flesh; Dean made sure that they weren't too tight.
He wants to shake his head and smile but he can only remember Dean running his
fingers over Dolph's chest to move them further down his body and take the
man's dick into his hand, the blond groaning in pleasure even though Dean is
anything but tender.
It's only now that he realizes he can't hear properly anymore. Dean's voice
cuts through some kind of static, the panic in it almost palpable. If he only
could lift his arm. 'Seth, talk to me.' He opens his mouth to allay his friend
but not a single sound comes out.
Instead, his mind tortures him with replays of Dean pushing into Dolph over and
over, the sound of flesh pounding against flesh making Seth flinch every time
it resonates inside his head. Dean buried himself deep into Dolph, just like
this memory will never leave him alone again.
His crush didn't do it to torture him – Seth is somewhat aware of that –, he
had his orders, so the fans could enjoy more of that strange chemistry the two
of them share, but Seth's consciousness couldn't bear it any longer. It
understood that today everything was just too much for him.
He wasn't prepared enough to face the truth, to watch Dean be together with
someone else, so his mind and body shut down to protect him, even though he
knows that this is Jon. It isn't reality.
What's real though is Dean cupping his face, resting their foreheads together,
whispering pleadingly, 'Seth, come on, say something. I'm really sorry, I
shouldn't have asked you. It's over now, I won't let it happen to you again.'
What? No. No, God, no.
This thing they have in the ring, it's bad and destroying him from within but
he can't live without it anymore. The only matter bothering him is the fucking
part, because it doesn't involve him and it should. Dean shouldn't touch anyone
else. Never again.
His teenage brain is not able to handle this, but he promises, it will be.
Soon. He'll get used to it, as painful as it may be; just as long as he doesn't
lose this chance to be close to Dean at any time. Because whenever he's there
during it, his crush only has eyes for him and that does make Seth feel better.
Not good, but good enough.
He didn't screw up the take, did he? Because he couldn't re-shoot it, not
today, not this week. He needs more time, has to seriously sit down and think
about this, Dean, their future. If they even have one. Why can't his crush be a
stripper? He'd be so much happier with that.
No, he has to be a porn actor.
Seth is not sure he'll ever come to terms with that and the epiphany does make
him finally release all the tears that threatened to spill for a whole eternity
now. He doesn't want Dean to know; has finally come to his senses again, so
Seth mutters his first words, hoping they'll deceive his friend until they're
alone again. 'Did I ruin the take?'
Dean looks at him stupefied, blinking confused before he kisses him gently on
the clammy forehead. Seth is really thankful that he's already sitting, because
the thought that hits him next would have pulled the rug out from under his
feet.
Aside from Roman, Dean has never kissed one of this shooting partners; only
ever used his mouth for blowjobs. Seth assumed it was because that's part of
Jon Moxley's character, that he's just not that affectionate. And Roman makes
sense, since they had been sleeping with each other in real life too and it
made their videos even more special.
But Seth is the second exception, the first one Dean ever blessed with a kiss
on camera. He means a great deal to the other. So much that he breaks character
and lets him in, even if he's doing that in this weird, completely screwed up
way.
Great, he couldn't be more confused. He's so busy thinking himself into an
emotional corner that he misses Dean answering him. 'What?' he blurts out,
fighting against his own mind that still refuses to let him step out of its
protection shell, because he wants to talk with Dean. About this, about
everything or he'll most likely run away again and this time he won't just
leave his crazy parents behind. This time he might actually make a mistake he
would regret for the rest of his life.
'No, you didn't,' his friend repeats, trying to smile at him but it looks a bit
forced and Seth can see it in those endless blue eyes that he's blaming
himself. Dean is hurting because of him. This is so not what he wanted. He's
kind of embarrassed by himself and his behavior. Or he would be, if he'd still
have the energy for that.
'You were amazing, thank you.' He panicked and detached his mind from his body.
How is that playing his part?
A hand gently yanks Dean back and Seth can see Roman pulling him up, telling
him he should go to the showers and get himself cleaned up. 'Now,' the Samoan
demands sharply and Dean scoffs but doesn't say anything, just turns on his
heels and storms away, the only thing adorning his body the boots on his feet.
Huh, he's been naked and Seth hadn't even realized. He's never been so out of
it.
Roman helps him get up and out of the ring, almost dragging Seth through the
halls until they're safely in his office. Though he does feel bothered by the
glass walls and the possibility that everyone can look inside if they walk by.
So he wipes the tears off his face, finally feeling like he is in control once
more.
And now that he has his wits back, he also has tons of questions. The most
important one being why?, obviously. Another one would be I can't do this
anymore; please stop working here, will you? For me?
'I told you there'd be complications,' Roman sighs, sitting down opposite of
Seth and watching him with a gloomy yet furious expression. 'That it wouldn't
work out. I warned you to stay away.' No, they can still do this. He'll come
around, they'll figure it out. He knows he can get his happy ending.
Seth is too drained of everything that he doesn't even have the strength to
interrupt his friend's little speech that's basically a huge kick in the
jewels.
'I know you want answers but I beg you, keep it to yourself until the tryouts
are over. Can you do that for me? Just ten more days, alright? You can't
distract Dean any further.' He wants to laugh because this is ridiculous. They
live together for now – does Roman even know? –; it'd be excruciating not to
talk to each other for almost two weeks.
After a few minutes of silence, Seth realizes that Roman expects an answer.
Like right now. Fine, he won't pester Dean with any relationship talk until the
tryouts are over, even though it'll probably kill him. He will play down what
happened earlier and not mention it tonight, tomorrow or anytime next week.
He doesn't do it for Roman, he's holding everything back for Dean, so he won't
worry about Seth and concentrate only on his performance. But once all of that
is over, Roman can bet his freaking butt that Seth won't keep his mouth shut
anymore.
He wants to have a straight talk with Dean and Roman better not interfere in
that too. Seth is done being patient with his crush's ex-boyfriend and his
don't fuck up the life that I have chosen for him. He is entitled to some nice
things by now too, after suffering for so long already.
To show Rome that deep down he disagrees with this stupid charade, he grits out
a harsh, 'As you wish.'
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Summary
     'How come you're not afraid?' The tryouts are in a week and Dean acts
     as if it's just another day in the office. A walk in the park. But
     this could decide over his whole future. Seth nearly got a panic
     attack when the letter from IASHS arrived and that was just about
     college.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for updating so late but life is kinda hectic at the moment.
     This will be the last chapter for a while, since I have no idea how
     my second surgery will go and how I'll be dealing with everything
     afterwards. But rest assured, I'm not leaving you all hanging like
     this. I will return XD
     This chapter is for everyone who sent me such nice comments/PM/asks
     in the past week and for all those who never fail to leave a comment.
     And for the quiet lurkers. I appreciate all of you!
                      Act Nineteen: locked in a stalemate
They didn't talk about Seth's mishap on set, mostly because he fell asleep the
moment they were back home and since he promised Roman, albeit a bit
begrudgingly. He didn't shower, nor did he answer Dean's question what he'd
like for dinner; just walked straight to the bedroom, flopped down on the bed,
curled himself up into a tiny ball and dozed off.
During breakfast, Dean only asked once if he was okay – he said yes, though he
still has no idea what exactly happened and how he should move on. 'We don't
have to do this anymore,' his friend assured him, but Seth only shook his head,
stating that it was fine. It just had been a weird day and he promised that it
would never happen again.
He's not going to ruin this for him or Dean and he sure as heck won't act like
a lovesick teenager once more, losing it in the middle of a shooting because
he's so madly in love that he wants to murder everyone who dares to touch Dean.
At least now he and Roman have something else in common: seething, raging
jealousy and the wish to have Dean solely to themselves.
They're about to step into the ring yet again, this time completely on their
own, training at the performance center because Seth started to shiver as soon
as they got on set. He's still mad at himself because he wanted to be strong,
but Dean just hugged him wordlessly and pulled him out of the great hall to
walk with him into the center.
His friend is not stupid, he surely knows what's wrong yet he doesn't force him
to open up. Anyone with eyes in their heads can probably see what's bothering
him.
Today, before school, he watched the tape of yesterday's shooting and
thankfully it doesn't show on camera that Gixx just froze in his place while
his eyes widened a fraction as he watched Jon have his way with Nick. He still
is ashamed that this happened to him. That he freaked after months of being at
Dean's side and going over dozens of sex videos with his friend. Even Hunter
called him to his office to look at him expectantly until Seth apologized and
vowed that it was a minor slip-up and he'll never bring shame to the company
again.
Hunter clapped him on the shoulder, claiming he didn't do that, and that he
should take care of himself. If it gets too much for him he can always see
someone. But he really, really doesn't want to. This is not a problem he can go
with to any therapist, because it's not a big deal. Or, it shouldn't be. Why is
he making it one?
Did he really expect Dean to give up his whole lifestyle for a random guy that
comes along that's head over heels in love with him?
Okay, he needs to calm down. What did his friend say? No point in planning for
something that might not even come true. So, first they'll wait until the
tryouts are over and then he may or may not ask how Dean thinks his future
looks like. And if he's in it at all.
He's eternally grateful that his friend has gone back to being his usual self,
because he couldn't deal with Dean worrying so much about his mental condition
that he treats him with kid gloves. Nothing has changed – at least that's what
Seth tries to tell himself – and the other is patient or experienced enough to
give him his space without making him feel abandoned or overlooked.
They do some warm up exercises until Seth nods at Dean that he's ready,
enjoying the quiet and solitude of the evening – almost everyone has left the
building already –, following the other into the ring, so Dean can work on his
submission moves before they'll have a tiny match where they train clothelines,
or in his friend's case his pendulum lariat, and dropkicks.
Tonight he'll be exhausted enough to instantly fall asleep at home too,
avoiding once again, very elegantly, a confrontation.
Since Dean treats him like a real opponent, Seth soon is out of breath, body
slowing down considerably until he's convinced he has turned into a snail. Just
without the slime. Or no, scratch that. There's enough sweat covering his body
to leave a trail too.
It's fascinating that Dean fights with a certain amount of seriousness, yet
that smirk on his face never dies. Seth crawls back up on his feet, hitting him
with an Enzuigiri to buy himself some time. They both lie on the canvas, Dean
not nearly as exhausted as Seth, and he can't contain it anymore, he needs to
know.
'How come you're not afraid?' The tryouts are in a week and Dean acts as if
it's just another day in the office. A walk in the park. But this could decide
over his whole future. Seth nearly got a panic attack when the letter from
IASHS arrived and that was just about college.
He gets it; Dean is pretty chill because he's come to peace with everything in
his life, but he has to have some thoughts about next weekend. Everyone is
rooting for him and Roman walks around as if those tryouts are the most
important thing that has ever happened to anyone.
Dean looks at him, his dirty blond hair sticking to his head, waving it off
with a cute smile on his lips. 'Cause they're not gonna take me.' For some
reason that steals all of Seth's thunder and he has to sit down again, dead
certain his legs wouldn't carry him.
His friend sounds so sure of this and that's so horribly sad. How can he say
something like that? He doesn't even know it yet. Just because all his past
tryouts didn't end the way he wanted them to, it doesn't mean that this time he
won't be lucky for once.
It's like he doesn't even want to believe in himself and this chance, as if he
wants it to go wrong.
He sighs, running a hand through his own dripping with sweat hair, frowning at
his friend. 'Certainly not with that attitude.' Dean realizes that the match is
over and that he can't escape this conversation, so he inches closer to Seth
and lies back down, watching the ceiling before he closes his eyes.
'They won't because of this,' he explains, doing a wide gesture with his arm
that includes Cyberfights and himself. Oh, now he gets it. Seriously, who cares
as long as Dean can wrestle like he was born during a bar brawl? He shrugs but
since his friend can't see his reaction he mutters, 'Don't tell them.'
Dean doesn't laugh at him like he thought he would but his tone is still
varying between teasing, lecturing and moody when he informs him, 'Seth, guys
usually end up here cause they don't make it in the real world. It's never the
other way round.'
So what? If someone like Seth – unathletic, shy and geeky – can learn how to
wrestle, can land himself a fake boyfriend that happens to be one of his best
friends in real life and finally find a place he calls home, then Dean can
overcome this obstacle and prove to the world that there's always a different
way.
'You could be the first–' 'Don't,' Dean cuts him off, a slightly sharp edge to
his voice. He doesn't want to get his hopes up, doesn't want to experience once
again how devastating a rejection feels. 'There are policies and all that.
Sooner or later someone will find out I'm Jon Moxley and then it's all over.'
So why this whole training thing, why lying straight into Roman's face that
he'll blow them all away? Why even bother? He looks down at his crush, trying
to find answers on his own, but Dean is as unreadable as ever. So he asks and
his question elicits a smile from the other that breaks his heart in an
instant.
Dean's words aren't helping the situation either. 'Ro. He believes so much in
me and I could never disappoint him. Not after everything we've been through.'
Yeah, he still has some problems understanding this part though. If he knows
for a fact that they'll drive back home without a contract or a telephone
number in their hands, why raise all these expectations? Wouldn't Roman be even
more devastated if Dean fails?
'But–' he tries to express his thoughts only to get interrupted again. 'He'll
see once they turn me down. I think Ro just needs to be there, to hear the
words, to experience first hand that that path was not made for me. I'm happy
here, believe it or not, I really am.'
That's actually his worst fear, but he won't share that now since they're
talking so pleasantly about Roman and how he managed to deceive himself. It's
so much better to deal with other people's problems than his own.
'You belong to the big companies. You're so talented,' Seth agrees with their
Samoan friend and his heart sinks a bit when Dean simply shakes his head, a
bead of sweat falling to the ground as he sits up to position himself shoulder
to shoulder with Seth.
'Doesn't matter. Not anymore. I ended up here which also ended my ambitions to
become a professional wrestler.' Oh, now he gets the bigger picture. This all
really is only about Roman and what happened over the past five years. So much
guilt and blame and hope is mixed up in this and Seth is actually relieved that
he won't see the Samoan's face when the talent agents turn Dean down – which
they shouldn't. And most likely won't. All policies aside.
He would love to do nothing more than lean his head on Dean's shoulder but he's
more interested in catching his friend's reaction during the rest of this very
enlightening talk. 'And Rome thinks he's responsible for all that, so he tries
with all his might to help you.'
Aid Dean getting the heck out of here, to hone his skills, to promote him all
over the country. Or around the world. Seth has never voiced the thought, but
he can easily imagine this. Roman is very driven and there's no way he'll ever
accept that he's fighting a losing battle. He's hellbent on getting his brother
out of here.
Dean's face doesn't show a lot of compassion or wrath or anything at all; he's
just really relaxed, holding no grudge whatsoever. He genuinely is happy here.
Which, dang it, right? Now it's up to Seth to decide if he can come to terms
with Dean's job.
'He's the one who convinced me to start working here and even though that was
before he saw me competing in the ring sober and off drugs, he's someone who
can't forgive himself.' Sounds like there's more pressure on Roman than on
Dean, which might also be a reason why his friend is unperturbed by all these
events.
He has already made his peace with these tryouts and the – in his opinion –
inevitable fallout. Seth does let his head fall on Dean's shoulder now since he
is tired and it's spinning from all these new insights he got. 'Rome will be so
crushed when they turn you down just because you're a porn actor.'
And quite frankly, those people should be ashamed, refusing someone so
talented. Someone who would die and bust his ass all hours of the day just to
live his dream. Wrestling sets Dean free. He's pretty calm most times of the
day, but as soon as he's in the ring to wrestle, it's as if all worries fall
off of him and it's just Dean in there. No qualms, no stray thoughts, no
friends, no enemies.
Just him and his body, mind and soul working together like a razor sharp blade
that pierces through people and every obstacle that ever lay in its way alike.
Watching Dean in the ring is like witnessing art coming to life. Like he's
looking at a blank canvas and someone randomly throws buckets of paint on it.
You'd never think that this will become a master piece once it's finished but
you keep on looking, too fascinated by the odd choice of drawing this.
In the end, it's the most beautiful, breathtaking thing you've ever laid your
eyes upon and you would kill people, go to prison, murder everyone in there
too, just to own this piece of art and call it yours to look at every day.
Dean pats him lightly on the cheek before he draws up his knees to rest his
arms on them; always making sure that Seth's head doesn't fall off. 'Gotta face
the truth one day,' his friend whispers, almost a bit secretively as if Roman
has eyes and ears everywhere and wouldn't accept his brother's words.
So Dean won't leave him, he'll stay here in LA, in his small apartment and at
Cyberfights. He knows exactly how his life is supposed to be, where his limits
are and if it's worth it to struggle to widen them. Right now, he's at a place
where he couldn't picture himself doing anything else.
Perhaps – hopefully – that'll change as soon as Dean finds something as equally
important as having fun and living each day as if it's the last. And with that
Seth obviously means himself and a possible relationship.
'Who knows,' Dean says after a while, startling Seth out of his peaceful
barely-slumber. 'Maybe you'll turn Cyberfights into a serious wrestling company
one day.' He really thinks Seth could do that? Wait, does that mean he wants
him to stay here? Did he tell Dean that he got accepted yet? He can't remember
but he thinks he didn't.
Which is very odd. Why would he hide that from his friend? Oh no, wait, he is
only too painfully aware why he'd do that. Leaving all doors wide opens. He's a
horrible human being.
'Maybe you will start a wrestling academy,' he retorts, overly fond of that
idea. He'd be his first and most loyal student. Dean chuckles and lies back
down, holding Seth's head in his hands to guide it to his stomach until they're
both comfortable again.
'Those who can't do, teach.' No, that's not what he meant. He just let his
imagination run wild, because he already pictured Dean as a father and he's
convinced his friend would be a very awesome one. So he'd also be good with
people in his care, especially if he can show them how to wrestle.
And there's also this teeny tiny thought of the two of them owning this school
together, calling it the Ambrose & Rollins Wrestling Academy. It's a long shot,
but he said it once and he meant it: he really wants to spend the rest of his
life with the other.
'I'd love to teach newbies with you,' he murmurs so quietly that he can't tell
if Dean even heard him or not, but he's too exhausted to part his lips again.
He just wants to take a little nap here until he doesn't feel too weak to walk
anymore.
Seth is out cold before Dean's slightly nervous but surprised laugh reaches his
ears.
                                     * * *
The next week passes in a flash and before he even realizes it, the tryouts are
only one day away. Tonight, Dean and Roman will leave to fly over to Orlando
and Seth won't see his friend until either Sunday evening or Monday morning.
Which should be the worst thing ever happening to him, but since he'll be all
alone in Dean's apartment, he's sure he'll find a way to entertain himself.
In Dean's bed. It's going to be a great weekend.
While his friend deals with a pouting and crushed Roman, showing the world what
it's missing out on because of stupid rules someone with only half a brain once
made up, Seth will roll around on the mattress, wear his crush's clothes and
probably – definitely – masturbate for the first time in too long.
There's a lot of stress he has to get out of his system. And with that he
doesn't mean the unresolved sexual tension between them. No, he wants to rid
himself off the weird silence he and Dean spend the last week in.
It wasn't that they were mad at each other or anything. Seth suspects that Dean
only realized that this is it. The last tryouts he'll ever attend and the last
time Roman will nag him about leading a better life. Which leaves Dean to
wonder how he wants to spend his days of newfound freedom. Where he intends to
go with Seth, if he wishes to go down that road at all and stuff like that.
Basically almost the same things he muses about day in, day out.
They did take some of their feelings out in the ring – Dean easily defeating
him time and time again – but once their little sparring sessions were over,
his friend stayed behind to work with Jimmy and Marek; Roman being there for
support, or surveillance, too.
Seth rarely managed to stay up until Dean came home late at night, even though
he spent his evenings with homework and learning everything he could get his
hands on. One day, when his friend crawled into the bed with an exhausted and
pained sigh, Seth had the overwhelming urge to ask him if Roman spurred him on
to the point of passing out.
He didn't.
For some reason he thinks Dean wouldn't have liked to hear that question and
Seth hates being lied to. Plus, he doesn't really think anyone would want to
talk about Roman being a caring mother hen without realizing how awfully he
treats his brother at the same time.
Dean can't and won't live someone else's dreams, no matter how much he loves
that person. But he's willing to play along for now, even if it costs him
everything; Roman needs to learn the hard way and Seth is eternally glad that
no one asked him to join them on their trip.
Seth groans and slams the book he's been reading for the past two hours shut.
He's been staring at the same page without getting a single word and he's tired
of this stupid story anyway. Why are they reading yet another book when school
ends in a couple of weeks?
He glares at Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, though he always wanted to read this,
throwing it on the little table to sit cross-legged on the couch and watch Dean
pack his stuff in the bedroom.
There's so much stuck on his tongue, so many things he wants to say – most
importantly good luck and have a safe flight – but every time he opens his
mouth nothing comes out. His voice is suddenly hoarse and too thin to make it
across the flat.
He's intimidated by the silence and the way Dean moves around his own place;
body tense and stiff, his movements looking aborted and like he has to think
about each and every one before he executes them. More than once, Seth can see
how he stops dead in his tracks to turn towards him, mouth open, but ultimately
he always closes it again, resuming whatever task he's doing at that moment.
There's definitely something Dean wants to tell him, but he keeps it a secret
for now and Seth knows better than to prod, minutes before Roman will be here
to pick him up.
The seconds tick by without either one of them being brave enough to address
the various elephants in the room and then the bell rings, interrupting any
attempt they could have made. Dean smiles at him, though it looks like it costs
him a lot of energy, which is why it vanishes the moment he opens the door.
'You ready?' Dean nods and hands his brother the suitcase, lingering awkwardly
in the doorway, potential words bubbling up, but his friend swallows them down
again, leaving without one last glance back at him.
He doesn't mind; actually he's glad because he too feels like no words could
express what's going on in his mind. The only thing he does manage to do is
text Dean shortly before his plane takes off.
                       Have fun and savor every moment.
There goes his dream to fight his crush across the whole world, but at least
the one with him and the other having a little family somewhere down the line
is still alive and kicking.
Seth never would have thought that without Dean it could be so quiet that he
has to turn on the television to keep him company. They haven't spoken with
each other and his friend had obviously been edgy, but the silence never was
oppressive and somewhat scary.
Time to change that, isn't it? So Seth first takes a long shower, lets the hot
water run down his body – and look at that, he's starting to get some muscles
and whoa, abs too. All that hard training in the gym and performance center
finally begins to pay off. In a few months he'll be ready to show the results
to Dean.
Ah, he can't wait for that day to come; when he finally won't be ashamed of his
once skinny frame anymore.
After rubbing Dean's bodywash all over his body to cover himself with the
other's scent, Seth wraps a towel around his waist and fleetingly dries his
hair with another one before he walks into the bedroom and rips open the doors
to Dean's closet.
So many clothes to wear and so little time to do it. Alright, fine, he'll
settle with comfy and too big boxer shorts, since the briefs don't fit him and
his privates would just hang out awkwardly, and– my, my, who would have thought
that Dean owns wrestling merchandise?
Why is he hiding that in the back corner of his closet, so that Seth has to do
some serious digging to find it? It's a dark blue hoodie that probably
compliments his bright eyes perfectly with a huge T printed on it. Wait a
second. No way. Dean is a fan of The Undertaker?
He just fell a little more in love with the man.
So boxer shorts and an old hoodie it shall be. He doesn't need more, to be
honest. Especially because he's almost drowning in those, even with all the
workout he's doing. And surely Dean keeps a bottle of lube stashed somewhere.
He could go without – if he really has to – but it's more fun with a little
help and it'd be really awesome to use the same stuff Dean does.
This is a bit too stalker-ish, is it? Nah. Who cares? This is a once in a
lifetime chance and he'll be damned if he lets it pass just like that. Seth
doubts Dean would allow him to jerk off in his bed, wearing his clothes at
that, after sifting through all his drawers to find his lubricant.
And using him as inspiration. Though that probably would be the only thing Dean
would approve of, if past experiences are anything to go by.
That he doesn't have to worry about someone walking in on him or knocking
against his door is way more relaxing than he ever thought. The only ones with
keys to this apartment are Dean and Roman and they're both trapped in a metal
tube way up in the air.
Not having to hide anything is thrilling. For once he doesn't have to rush
because dinner is ready and waiting or he still has homework to do. There's
also not the limited time of a video playing in the background. All he needs
are the clothes he's currently wearing. This session will be all about Seth and
only about him.
He giggles, too jubilant and excited to keep his emotions in check when he
finds Dean's stash of not only lube but various sex toys. One day he'll get to
experience those in his body too, but for now he's happy with the old-fashioned
way. Just him, his wild imagination and his right hand.
Though, he's once read that changing the hand is a great experience too, and
since he does want this to be different he'll try that.
So Seth hops into the bed, not even bothering with closing the blinds on the
window. After all, this is Los Angeles and no one cares about the neighbors
here. He can be as loud as he wants to – he wouldn't be the first one shouting
through the night.
Maybe he can pretend the untrained hand belongs to Dean. A gasp escapes his
mouth the moment his slicked fingers wrap themselves around his half-hard cock
and begin to move in a rhythm that is completely off but thrilling anyway. He
doesn't need to think much, can easily conjure up the ghost of his crush
sitting right next to him, stroking him oh-so-slowly, teasingly, probing.
One hand soon isn't enough for him anymore – Dean has two too –, so he lets the
other wander down his chest, through his happy trail until it wants to replace
the left one, taking over to do the job right. To stop his body from doing the
same thing over and over he guides his masturbation hand to the perineum; an
area he never dared to explore before.
First he thinks it's a bit weird, playing Dora with his body in someone else's
bed, but then he remembers Dean and all other thoughts fly out of the window.
He starts panting somewhere in between straddling his penis and using his right
hand to support the other, tending to his balls while he picks up the speed
until he can feel a slight tingling running through his pelvis. As soon as his
brain realizes that, he stops moving altogether, giving himself some time to
calm down and catch his breath again.
Not so fast, please.
He can feel his cock in his hand twitch minutely, an untrained finger tracing
the biggest vein on it and Seth can't help but shudder with a huge grin on his
face. This would be a million times better with the real Dean by his side, but
this'll do for now.
Lazily, almost calculating, Seth starts massaging the head, running his thumb
over the glans before the rest of the fingers follow, squeezing it tight for a
few seconds only to extend that technique over the whole penis, the awkward
motions turning him on more than he ever thought.
What a little experimenting can do. His breathing becomes shallow again, a few
muscles in his body tensing on their own accord and no matter how hard he tries
to relax to draw this moment out as long as possible he can't. That he's
treating his cock with two different rhythms – thanks to the added hand – and
that his mind is filled with memories of Dean calling him hot stuff ultimately
end in the inevitable.
He cums all over his own chest – what a smart move by him to take off the
hoodie before things got heated –, amazed and disgusted at the same time, his
puffy breaths filling the room, hips spasming while all his emotions seem to
flow to his member to help him experience every moment to the fullest.
It's obvious that he's still way too inexperienced or else he wouldn't
ejaculate so soon, but he intends to practice, since he doesn't want to be the
one who has to masturbate before sleeping with someone, just so it lasts more
than five minutes.
Seth lies there, his chest starting to feel sticky yet really good at the same
time, his lungs pumping air through him that he releases with a delighted and
satisfied sigh. It's a shame actually, since he wanted to do much more until he
was so spent that the walk over to the bathroom to clean himself up would be
almost unmanageable.
'The night is still young, Rollins,' he whispers, a grin spreading over his
face. The night is young indeed.
Sunday evening, around nine, Seth listens to a key being pushed into the lock
and the door being opened. Dean's back. Yay. This has been fun and all, but
he's so glad he's not alone anymore. Seth has never hated silence so much than
in the past two days.
He is completely taken aback when Dean refuses to talk to him, downright
avoiding his curious questions and little touches, vanishing into the bathroom
to shower. Seth listens to the water running and winces every time he hears a
faint growl, followed by a smacking sound. He pictures his friend letting out
some of his frustration on the poor tiles on the wall.
But why is he so irate? Didn't he expect to be turned down? Seth knew it
wouldn't be so easy to face the truth, that the rejection would hurt Dean just
as much as it did his entire life already. Roman probably took the news rather
bad too.
When his friend comes out of the bathroom it looks a bit like he's emerging
from a dark place, fog that wants to drag him back into the darkness tugging at
his limbs. Sadly, he still makes sure to ignore Seth sitting on his bed, ready
to fall asleep next to someone who can make the noise in his head go away too,
but instead of joining him, Dean decides to crash on the couch.
There are no words left for how miserable he feels, getting the cold shoulder
treatment without having done anything wrong. His heart aches and his whole
body screams, a pull inside his chest wanting him to go to the living room area
and be close to Dean.
He even thinks his blood slowly turns to ashes the longer he sits on the bed
and stares at the other's sleeping form. At around three in the morning he
can't take it anymore. Can no longer keep still and feel his body shutting
down.
Slowly, carefully, he puts his bare feet on the ground and sneaks over to the
couch, slinking down next to Dean's head, a blanket wrapped tightly around his
shoulders. He doesn't wake the other up – that was never his intention –, just
sticks a hand out and runs it through Dean's hair with a featherlight touch,
his whole being taking a relieved breath as soon as the world rights itself
again.
His crush doesn't stir and Seth sits there, watching every crease, every hair
on the other's face; using the quiet intimacy to memorize Dean and this moment
because he'll never get it back. It'll pass eventually, the sun will go up and
interrupt his creepiness.
But for the time being, he has Dean completely to himself and that's definitely
the best ending to this peculiar weekend.
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Summary
     So the question is: what does he want? What does Seth desire with
     every fiber of his being? What could he never live without?
Chapter Notes
     I fear y'all are gonna be disappointed when you read what really
     happened during the tryouts. But I have to admit, I was surprised
     (and shocked) almost all of you thought Dean cheated on Seth. You
     guys are kinky XD See for yourself then *dances out of the room*
                           Act Twenty: truth matters
'You can't ignore me forever.'
They're sitting next to each other on the couch, Indian takeout on the table,
but Seth isn't particularly hungry. He's been trying to get a hold of Dean the
whole day, but when he woke up in the morning – his body stiff from sitting on
the cold, hard floor all night – there was no trace of the other.
During school he texted him multiple times, getting really frustrated when Dean
didn't answer a single one of them. Once he was free to go to Cyberfights, Seth
searched the building for his friend only to learn from Emma that he had
already left.
So Seth walked back to the apartment with a lot of pent-up anger roaring inside
of him, banging his fist against the door when a sudden rush of fear put his
brain in panic mode. He has no key. If Dean wants to be left alone, there's
nothing Seth could do.
Thankfully his crush let him in almost immediately, mumbling annoyed that he's
not deaf.
'I can try,' Dean grits out, picking at his food with a sour expression on his
face, the television running in front of them completely forgotten. Seth rolls
his eyes and scrunches up his nose, putting his fork back down to vow here and
now that Indian food is nothing for him.
'Just tell me what happened. No one was willing to talk to me about it.' Okay,
he's pouting but he's been on pin and needles all day long; he can't wait any
longer to finally hear everything about the tryouts. How can Dean sit here and
torture him with silence?
His friend grunts out a very unfriendly, 'Maybe cause it's none of your damn
business.' Was it that bad? Roman – who wasn't at work today at all – must have
reacted way worse than Dean envisioned or something went terribly wrong. Oh no,
they didn't accept him, did they?
'I thought we were,' he starts without knowing how to finish that treacherous
sentence, breathing in relieved when Dean interrupts him tiredly. 'We're what?
Together?' Seth's stomach drops the moment a sad smile ghosts over the other's
face as if he only just entertained the thought and came to the conclusion that
it's already too late.
Naturally, he tries to deflect, feeling as if Dean caught him in the act,
stuttering with flushed cheeks, 'Friends.' They're something, even Dean has to
see that. He also can tell immediately that Seth wanted to say another word,
maybe even agree with the couple thing. After all, they pretend to be one.
'We are,' his crush sighs, dropping his fork too, his food basically untouched.
Now that he thinks about it, he hasn't seen Dean eat anything at all ever since
he came back last night. There also had been no dishes this morning. Okay,
seriously, what the heck happened? He's dying to know.
Seth wants to reach out and touch Dean but the other flinches, hurrying away
from his demanding fingers as elegantly as he can. Is he mad that Seth spend
the night next to him? Dean can't possibly know that he ran his hands through
his hair until he fell asleep too. Or what happened in his bed while he was in
Florida. He probably can tell anyway because he knows Seth better than anyone.
'Did you screw up?' It's so good to hear Dean laugh out surprised, even though
his friend is looking at him a bit offended. 'Thanks for the vote of
confidence.' Seth winces and mutters a bashful sorry, word vomit in his boots.
How come he always says the wrong things?
Dean leans back, putting his feet on the table, carefully avoiding their meals.
'Nope. I was on fire.' Sure he was. Seth knew it and he hopes Dean heeded his
words and enjoyed every second of it. He can imagine how his friend tore the
house down and made all his opponents weep for mercy, impressing everyone in
that building.
Roman must have been so proud before shit hit the fan.
Since Dean no longer sounds ticked off or sick of his questions, Seth thinks
it's safe to keep the light mood. 'I assume Rome put you out.' Okay, not his
best joke, but he expected at least a tiny smile. Nothing. If he didn't know it
any better, he'd say Dean didn't even hear him.
It takes his friend a long time to tell him the truth, but when he finally
confesses, Seth can't do anything other than stare blankly at him, unable to
hear himself think straight.
'I dropped the bomb.'
Those homophobic idiots. How can they reject someone because of their
sexuality? Though a part of him is elated that Dean didn't hide his true self
and stated that they either take him the way he is or they could go fuck
themselves.
'You told them you're gay?' It's as if Seth said another offensive thing; Dean
turning towards him with cocked eyebrows and a furious shimmer in his eyes.
'What? No. Who gives a shit? And by the way, I fall for whoever I want, don't
rubber-stamp me.'
So, not homosexual but what, pansexual? Figures; he should have known that Dean
couldn't care less about those things, that he loves with the heart first and
foremost. Makes him all the more interesting and appealing.
'No, I said I'm a proud porn starlet.' 'Are you nuts?' Seth works himself up
into a lather, clapping Dean on the upper arm to express his astonishment. His
crush rubs over the spot with an amused smirk adorning those lips Seth would
love to sew together, so they can't ruin his chances anymore.
'You and Ro, you should be best friends. He asked me the same thing, though he
did more than just hit me on the arm.' Because Dean deserves it. 'Why would you
do that?' he screams, feeling the urge to do whatever Rome did, so this
dunderhead understands what a great chance he missed out on.
There was still the possibility that they would have taken him anyway.
Dean sighs dramatically, batting his eyelashes at him, trying to turn all this
into a big jest. 'What can I say? I can't lie.' A punch in the face. Yeah,
that's what Seth would like to do now. Maybe it'll affect the other's brain and
he stops talking nonsense.
'You're an exceptionally good liar,' Seth barks at him, tearing his hair
because of this humbug. Dean better stop toying with him like this. 'I know,'
his friend answers, chest swollen with pride. He's driving him completely
insane – imagining how Roman must have felt is now almost too much to bear.
'You sabotaged yourself. And for what?' he refuses to stop beating a dead
horse; it's not like he could change the past anymore, but still. He wants to
understand. The jovial expression fades away, getting replaced by a somber one.
Seth must have hit a raw nerve.
For a moment it seems as if Dean wants to get up and prowl through the room but
Seth is sure that the little space his apartment offers is not enough to help
him get rid of his frustration and his friend is not yet ready to explode. Just
ticking rapidly, reminding Seth that every second could be the last. He should
be careful to not cause him to detonate.
'They'd never have taken me and don't even try to have that discussion with me
again. I know how this works, trust me. So instead of them going through the
hassle of running background checks just to find Jon Moxley and tell me a made
up, bullshit reason they suddenly can't hire me anymore, despite all the
promises they made, I helped them out.'
Ouch. Even though Dean is content with the life he leads, it all comes down to
this: him not being able to handle repudiation. So instead of waiting for
people to hurt him, he does it himself because he believes that no one can best
him at that.
Seth shakes his head, all fight leaving his body. There was this really tiny
but very alive chance that the wrestling companies could have made an exception
for him, that they would erase Jon Moxley from the face of the earth or never
even get wind of him, but Dean closed the door on all of what could have been.
'No,' he whispers, feeling his heart shatter into a million pieces, 'you ruined
the one chance you had to get out of here.' Dean throws a hard glance at him,
lips curling into a snarl. Oh, oh, he forgot about that particular open wound.
'You sound exactly like Ro.' Probably because they both only want the best for
Dean and because he's so thickheaded that he doesn't see it. They only worry
about him and even though they show it in different ways, they still do it
because they love Dean.
Great minds think alike. All the more reason to listen to them.
'What if I don't wanna get outta here?' He gets that Dean is fine with living
each day as it comes, not bothering about the future and all that, but he has
to grow up and do it one day. Being a porn actor only works for a limited
amount of time and his as Moxley is running out – if he likes it or not.
In ten years he'll be too old for Cyberfights' target audience and then it'll
definitely be too late to start a wrestling career. 'Who wouldn't?' Seth sighs,
slumping his shoulders because his friend won't ever change his opinion about
this. 'Dean, you're destined for more.'
Besides, Seth would never be able to get used to all of this. He'd have to give
up on Dean and that's the last thing he wants.
'What's so wrong about my life? I like it.' It's probably better than
everything he had back in Cincinnati, but Seth can't watch Dean throw it all
away, can't handle the thought of never being the only one getting intimate
with him. 'I don't fool myself into believing I'd be happier if I'd do what you
and Ro expect from me.'
This has nothing to do with him or Roman – or maybe a bit with him. Okay, a
lot, actually. Screw this. 'But Dean, don't you–' 'What?' his friend prompts
when Seth stops talking, not quite sure if he should use this moment to finally
mention their possible future. If not now, when then?
'Don't you want a normal life? A partner, family, kids?' Because he'd love to
and he's so sure Dean would be an awesome father. But he refuses to let his kid
go through the same ordeal as Roman's daughter. He doesn't want to come up with
ways to sugarcoat a porn career, so that his child will understand and he sure
as hell does not wish for his kid to be bullied because one of his fathers is–
is nothing more than a whore.
Wow, the thought alone makes his heart drop and he needs to bite on his bottom
lip to stop the tears from spilling. He and Dean are going into completely
different directions and right now it feels as if they'll never cross paths.
This cannot end well, no matter how hard he tries or how much they love each
other.
'You really want them to watch you have sex with other people every day, to
always doubt if you're faithful?' It hurts so much to say those words and for
Seth it feels like his whole world is falling apart. That Dean jumps up, fury
casting a nasty shadow over his handsome features, doesn't make this any
better.
'Ya know what? I've had enough of this.' He feared as much. If Dean throws him
out now he'll have to go back to his parents – who he hasn't spoken with ever
since they thought they could imprison him so he'd see reason. Why does this
thing with Dean always feel like it's either all or nothing?
But his friend doesn't ask him to pack his stuff, just intends to get some
space between them before he'll say something he'll regret forever. Seth is
infinitely glad that Dean is trying hard to not slip back into Mox-mode even
though it'd be so easy.
'First Ro pesters me with all these question about you, me, us on the trip and
now you won't shut up about family 'n kids and how I'm wasting my life.
Everything was simple and fine till you came along.' Okay, he'd been wrong.
This right now, this downright burns his insides and is so much more worse than
understanding that he and Dean will never be on the same page.
'I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you,' he croaks out, feeling wretched and like
he's about to burst into tears because his broken, hopeful teenage heart can't
be fixed again. He'll leave if Dean says the word – everything is better than
spending his time with someone who doesn't even want him close.
To think he jerked off in the other's bed just a day ago, enjoying all the
happy thoughts and worrying about nothing at all, is like a kick in the gut.
Reality does that to people, but Seth is still disappointed that it had to
happen to him too.
He wants to get up and show some kind of reaction but his body is too numb to
move. All Seth can do is sit there, heart hammering in his throat, ready to
burst through his ribcage, fingers balled into fists, so the other won't see
how badly they're shaking.
Dean sighs, but it doesn't sound aggravated, just lost and insecure. He can
feel the couch dip when his friend sits down again and a welcome warmth spreads
over his body, freeing him from the invisible chains that gripped him tight.
'You're not a burden, Seth,' Dean breathes into his ear, putting his arm around
his trembling shoulders to pull him in. 'And you know that. You're everything
but, so don't be a sorehead. I never said I want you to go, but you and Ro, you
seriously need to back off.'
Can't Dean see that Seth needs clarity? As young as he is, he still knows what
he wants in his life and Dean should rethink his decisions or they will have to
end this sooner rather than later. Seth doesn't want to suffer more than he has
to.
At least he is allowed to stay. Even if he can't have a boyfriend at the
moment, he is glad that Dean is his friend because he's in dire need of one
right now.
'I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you,' Dean apologizes, but Seth only
shakes his head weakly, finally having enough strength to return the hug –
though he's more clinging to the other than embracing him. 'What's his
problem?' he asks, changing the subject to give himself a tiny break.
Dean chuckles, the sound tickling Seth's cheek that's pressed to the chiseled
chest, a sense of familiarity making him mellow and sleepy. He wishes they
could just go to bed and forget this conversation ever happened. He wants to
erase this whole evening from his memory.
'You.'
What? Rome not done waging war with him? Seth thought they finally got past all
this. He even did what the other asked him for, didn't distract Dean until the
tryouts were over.
'He still thinks I'm holding you back? Man, I thought we get along just fine.'
A hand starts to play with his bun, the motions frisky; telling Seth that Dean
isn't concerned about this one bit. Roman is probably angry that Dean made the
decision for him, throwing him out of his bed and head alike without giving the
Samoan the chance to choose him.
To be fair, Seth wouldn't be able to let that one ever go either. It would be
funny that he and Roman have so much in common, if it wouldn't be so
depressing.
'You do, he's totally taken to you. If I'm not involved.' Possessive bastard.
'Ro's just afraid of losing me to you. Or that you – maybe even your parents –
could get me into prison.' He'll ignore that comment about his family; not just
because it's true.
So the only thing left to concentrate on does make him smile, even if it's
short-lived. 'Aw, he thinks I'm jailbait.' That's a compliment and he'll take
it, no matter what everyone else says. Dean doesn't answer, just keeps on
messing up his bun until the sun has vanished behind the skyscrapers and
darkness falls upon them.
'He thinks I blew it because of you.' The words hang in the air, heavy and sort
of gloomy, and Seth's body tenses again on its own accord. So much for granting
himself a break. His palms start to flare up, sweat covering his skin in no
time and his heart goes back to riding that rollercoaster that'll one day end
with him having a stroke.
Dean doesn't explain this statement, won't confirm if it's true or not and Seth
can barely contain himself from grabbing the other by the shoulders to shake
him until he spills everything. He is so done moving forward in this slow pace
that gets them nowhere at all.
'Did you?' he prods, voice hoarse and detached. He should have known that the
question would be too much. Sadly, he didn't, or else he wouldn't have asked.
Seth really sucks at reading Dean and he fears that no matter how much time
passes, he won't ever get better at it.
His friend breaks the sheltering embrace, his whole body screaming don't, Seth,
please, I don't know; I just don't know, so please stop begging for answers.
This talk is over, but for once he doesn't mind. It drained him enough as it is
and getting ready for bed sounds like the best plan that anyone ever came up
with.
'Want me to sleep on the couch? Or to go home?' Dean turns back towards him,
lips pressed together, gaze open and vulnerable. 'Don't be stupid. Your home is
here now.'
                                     * * *
'Sunshine, you're only seventeen. You still have your whole life ahead. No need
to make a decision in this very moment.' Seth sighs and watches Lita knead some
dough, while traces of flour are stuck on her forehead and right cheek, her
beautiful hair hidden beneath a net.
Matt and Jeff aren't here, there's only the cranky blond barista working in the
front all alone since Lita dragged Seth to the back as soon as he stepped
through the glass doors, apparently looking like a walking zombie.
He poured his heart out, told her everything about Dean's decision to blow up
his one chance, as minimal as it might have been, and the conversation they had
yesterday night.
'But I have to decide if I'll go to IASHS or stay here. I mean, how should I
know what's right?' he asks, kicking his backpack as if that would help him
come to a decision or change the fact that the college accepted him. He's never
had problems to face reality, but now that Dean is an unknown factor in the
equation, he has lost his way and the tools to solve this riddle.
Before she can answer Seth continues, not able to keep quiet since his brain is
running at full speed, tripping over every thought that's keeping him awake at
night. 'And then he left me completely hanging, hinting at the fact that he
scrubbed the possible job for me – or at least that Roman thinks it's true and
he knows what's up.'
The Samoan was certain from the very beginning that Seth would be a problem,
that his little crush for Dean would be a threat to him and their own
friendship. Seth is dead sure Roman made a move on Dean in Florida and wants
him back which means he'll do anything to dispose of the teenage competitor.
That sucks so much because they have become friends and Seth knows that Roman
has come to like him. And then there's Dean, who is his brother and who he
wants to be happy at all costs. Seth shakes his head, ridding his mind of Roman
because he doesn't have the energy to deal with that at the moment too.
'Or maybe he did it because he feels so safe here, because he's used to working
at Cyberfights and he is sure of what'll expect him here. The porn business is
his home and that's exactly my problem. Lita, I can't do this. I can't pretend
that it doesn't bother me.'
She looks at him expectantly and he nods; promising that this time he won't cut
her off. 'Seth, whatever happens, happens. You can either sit there and watch
your life pass by or you get up and do something about it. Going to college
might separate you two, but there are people who have very good long-distance
relationships. Staying here will leave you with no plan B.'
Well, that's not entirely true, because plan B is make plan A work at all
costs. And that on the other hand would be a successful wrestling career, since
he has nothing else he's good at.
But the thing is, even though he knows he and Dean don't have a future – not if
his friend continues to be both porn actor and wrestler – Seth wants nothing
more than to try. Roman could do it, so what the heck is his problem? Maybe his
opinion will change once he's not a virgin anymore?
'No plan B but with the love of your life,' she finishes after he stayed silent
for too long, forming a heart with the dough, gracing him with a sweet smile.
'In the end, you're the one who has to choose. We all can tell you what's best
for you, what makes more sense to us, but ultimately you have to decide what
you want.'
Follow his heart, hm?
He and Dean need to have a serious talk, yet they can't because the other is
not ready for it, though sometimes he makes these comments that show Seth that
a part of Dean yearns for clarity too.
This can't have anything to do with Roman. Or it's all about him; maybe Dean
doesn't want to hurt his ex-lover/brother, so he keeps Seth at arm's length,
hoping that one day the other will be okay with it. Who cares about the man's
feelings? This shouldn't even concern him.
Dean made a very clear choice all these years ago, so Roman should finally
accept it and move on, just like his best friend did.
But what if this isn't about Rome? Seth really doesn't want to make false
accusations, especially because he's taken a shine to him. It could also be
that Seth is just desperately trying to find another reason to explain his
conflicted emotions since he can't accept that the only one having a problem is
he himself.
They could be something, he's more than just sure of that, but Lita is right,
he needs to think about his future. He can find someone to love at college too,
or maybe later. There's no need to rush. Sure, there'll never be another Dean
again, but maybe his next crush won't be an adult movie star that will sleep
with myriads of people while having a sex life with him too.
So the question is: what does he want? What does Seth desire with every fiber
of his being? What could he never live without?
***** Chapter 21 *****
Chapter Summary
     'Isn't he hot? And I don't just mean in the barely legal, I wanna tap
     that ass kinda way.'
Chapter Notes
     This chapter is dedicated to my twin sis. Hope this makes your day a
     lot better <3
     A/N: I tried something different in this chapter and I really hope it
     works out. It has to, to be honest, because I've already planned for
     a second video to be "watched" later on. Have fun, lovelies!
                 Act Twenty-One: take a trip behind the scenes
'This the list?' he inquires, skimming over the paper fleetingly. Seems to be
okay. Jojo nods, her curly hair bouncing up and down. 'You fine with these?'
This time he looks at the questions one by one to make sure he didn't miss
anything.
No, looks pretty decent. 'Nice list you got there. I'm surprised no one asked
who is the best fuck or who is the tightest or can I eat your cum,' he laughs,
the sound getting stuck in his throat when she doesn't join him. Her delicate
mouth is pressed into a thin line before she murmurs disgruntled, 'I didn't put
those on there.'
Some people really are plain idiots. He can't imagine what she had to sift
through to come up with this for Cyberfights' first behind-the-scenes video
with him doing a tiny interview with some of the actors.
Seth has his very own camera man that will follow him around everywhere, a guy
named Tyler, and because he appears on screen – more or less – he even got a
special outfit from AJ. It's nothing spectacular, but it still makes him feel
like a part of the family. He's currently wearing shiny, black and white boots,
comfy black pants with a silver chain belt and a crimson red, velvety shirt,
black armbands with different sized holes in them and a pendant with a crucifix
while Rosa wet his hair – she poured an unnecessary amount of water over his
head – to make him look like the other wrestlers.
This could be a magnificent ring gear for someone and Seth is convinced it
would fit Jeff perfectly. It's exactly his style. But for now these clothes are
entirely his and he's so grateful that the costume department didn't give him
only trunks to wear.
'Any specifications on who I am supposed to ask these?' Jojo shakes her head
and he's momentarily dazzled by her beautiful hair. Seriously, if he could pull
something like her style off, he'd try it out any day. Knowing him, he'd most
likely look like a pillow exploded on his head. 'We informed the guys that
you'd be coming and if they're in the cafeteria they're okay with it.'
Hopefully Dean didn't bolt as soon as he heard the news because Seth is dying
to know some of his answers. Sure, he could confront the man at home but he
wants to keep things separated.
'You expect me to chat with them while they're eating?' She smiles at him and
turns around to walk away, uttering sweetly, 'It was your idea to do this, so
deal with it.' Yes, Ma'am. He'll do his best to make this video good, hoping
that it'll become a nice tradition.
'Alright, let's go,' he urges Tyler to stop ogling himself with his phone,
dragging the man down to the canteen. To his surprise – and relief – it's half
full, so most of the guys don't mind answering questions about their job, no
matter how private they might be. Though Jojo made sure to not choose any
queries that go blue.
Seth grins when he spots Dean sitting at a table with Roman and Dolph, eating
some fish dish with vegetables and a salad, having a great time – even though
his brother doesn't seem to be too cheerful. He's still mad at Dean that he
ruined the tryouts after excelling them.
Quite frankly, Seth can understand the Samoan. It must be hard that everything
he wished for Dean vanished into thin air. That Dean fucked up Roman's big
dream or vision for him. What bothers Seth though is following: is it his turn
now to sacrifice something so big? Would it even make any sense?
When the heck is Dean ready to talk about them, so Seth finally knows what's
up? This state of uncertainty is slowly killing him.
'Ready?' he turns towards Tyler who nods with his million dollar smile and
together they head towards the first table with the twins Jimmy and Jey, as
well as Tyson and Antonio, breathing calmly through his nose to slip into,
well, Gixx, he guesses.
Two days later, he finally managed editing the video. Seth did everything
himself, wanting the first BTS interview to be something special, something he
and everyone else can be proud of. He saves the end result and sends it to Miz
as well as Hunter, anxiously awaiting for their opinions.
Because he has nothing better to do until Dean will come pick him up – the
other left earlier to do some much needed grocery shopping, driving back to the
apartment to store it all away and get lost in a book while waiting for Seth to
text him – he watches the footage one last time.
                                       ►
Gixx sits down, the list in his hands and a friendly smirk on his lips. Solofa
and Samuel mimic it instantly, their happy mood nothing that can be killed
easily. 'Shoot, young padawan,' they both say in unison, taking a sip of their
soda as if their minds and bodies are one. They couldn't act more like the
twins they are.
'First question is very easy,' Gixx replies, the camera showing the amused
reactions of all the guys that appear on camera during this interview. 'What's
your favorite kind of scene?' Solofa and Samuel look at each other before the
older bursts out, 'Definitely ain't the twin stuff, though our fans love it an'
we love our fans.'
'We like to prove the other we're better which we can't if we're always
shootin' together,' Samuel Fatu explains before he points at their tattoos.
'But we love doin' the Siva Tau since it's our heritage 'n a great way to
intimidate our opponents.'
Stardust smiles creepily and lets out a string of words that no one really
understands and Gixx is caught by the camera, frowning profoundly, as if he
can't quite get why he even tried to talk to the man. He's about to get up and
change the table when the athlete decides to talk proper English.
'These are my favorite moments. Being Stardust. I can say whatever comes to my
mind, voice it my way and it doesn't even have to make sense.' It never does,
but neither Gixx nor the guys sitting next to him – Lawrence Knight, Randall
Keith and Leviathan – comment on that.
Their faces though tell their own stories.
'Scenes with physical dominance,' Claudio shares his thoughts next with his
thick Swiss accent, flexing his muscles to emphasize his words while the Fatu
Twins and Stampede Kid only roll their eyes. 'I like showing off, just like
Nemeth over there.' The camera turns to the right, putting the table of Jon
Moxley, Leakee and Nick Nemeth in the spotlight and the three men snicker when
Nick flips Claudio off.
There is a cut back to Randall who shrugs casually and makes a vague hand
gesture. 'I just enjoy hitting people with my RKOs out of nowhere. Wanna know
why?' Gixx nods, unintentionally leaning forward curiously. Randall's lips form
a mean smirk when he adds, 'It leads to easy sex. No one dares to try and
dominate me after those.'
Gixx raises his eyebrows while looking down at his list, evidently not
surprised by this answer but not happy with it either. 'Let's move on,' he
proposes, tucking a strand of his dripping wet blond patch behind his ear,
voice business-like and overly professional.
                                      ►►
'So, tell us, who do you enjoy working with the most?' Gixx asks eagerly,
Leakee smiling kind of exasperatedly. The Samoan points to his left at a Jon
Moxley who is devouring his dessert. 'Jon and the Twins even if it's completely
fucked up since we're related, but we all know where the other's boundaries
are. The shootings with them are always easy-going.'
'Nemeth,' Lawrence Knight speaks up, waving back at the actor's table where Jon
Moxley just grabs Leakee's pudding to eat it too. 'He's really good and a lot
of fun.' Gixx tears his gaze away from the adjoining table and one Lunatic
Fringe, quickly gathering his wits to ask a follow-up question.
'Exceptional in the ring or,' he drawls, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Lawrence chuckles, scratching over his beard, taking a really long time to
reply. 'Both, my friend. Both.'
'Anyone who lets me do my thing,' Jon mumbles after swallowing down the rest of
Leakee's dessert, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 'It's hard to
find people who can keep up.' The camera lingers on Gixx' face who just looks
at the wrestler as if he tries to figure something out.
Since he can't find a solution to his riddle, he walks over to Leviathan to get
to know his dream partner. 'Randall, because we're both too thickheaded to give
up. We like a good challenge.'
                                      ►►
Gixx fidgets around with the hem of his shirt, sparing a glance at his little
sheet of paper before he grabs Jon's drink and takes a swig as if the other
isn't glaring daggers at him for being so blunt and insolent. It's obvious that
no one else dares to treat the man like this.
'So, what's your favorite position?'
Nick ties his hair into a ponytail, asking back, 'Sex or wrestling move?' Gixx
keeps Jon's bottle in his hands, staring at it as if he's lost in thoughts.
Before anyone has the chance to bring him back to reality though, the young man
replies, 'Sex.'
The man nods, smiling brightly into the camera. 'For me it's all about the eye
contact,' he reveals in a flirting tone. 'Which is why I like every position
that allows it. Like Kneeboarding and the Blind Hole. On the job I think I
enjoy the Hang Ten the most.'
'Every position where I don't have to look anyone in the face,' Jon rebuffs the
question and Gixx shakes his head sternly, telling the man very clearly that
this is not an adequate answer. Moxley sighs aggravated and grits out, 'I like
hitting it from behind.'
The two-toned kid eyes the man up and down and decides to tug Superman's cape
once more. 'So you want to tell me you didn't even enjoy it with Leakee?' Jon
peers hard at the interviewer, mouth a thin line, nostrils flaring until his
expression changes into something that looks a bit like you just dug your own
grave, buddy.
The tension between these two is definitely rising and Gixx is doing nothing to
calm the beast he's pissing off. 'I only dig that shit if I fuck people outside
of work. Satisfied?' The camera focuses on Gixx, whose lips form a tiny,
secretive smile before he clears his throat and takes another sip of the stolen
drink.
'Doggy-style,' Primo and Epico agree on one of the most basic sex positions,
though they do have something else to add. 'And to make things more interesting
we vary between the elevated, twisted and standing styles. What can we say,
we're suckers for the classic moves.'
Leviathan laughs, only sharing the joke after he's done being delighted by
Gixx' confused glance. 'I don't really have a favorite one. I just like
everything where I don't have to do the work.' Randall butts in, interrupting
the other's snickering. 'Topping from the bottom is surprisingly relaxing.
Especially after a hard match.'
No pun intended, of course.
                                      ►►
'And now we have here a question that is really interesting,' Gixx announces,
eliciting an amused chuckling from all the guys in the room. 'No, that's not
what I–,' the kid tries to save it but the damage is already done.
'Who is nothing like their gimmick?' Almost everybody yells at the same time
some variation of the name Jon Moxley. There's also a faint The Ascencion shout
that gets drowned out by Nick letting Gixx in on a little secret. 'All of the
so-called tough guys aren't that tough in real life.'
'I don't know what they're all talking about,' Jon once again contradicts his
co-worker, holding up his hands in a defensive manner. Gixx tips against his
jaw and waves Moxley over with a tiny twitch of his index finger. Jon follows
the movement, leaning over the table casually to listen to the kid whisper,
'Maybe they need a little reminder then.'
A proud grin flashes over the wrestler's face and he licks his lips, not
missing the way Gixx' eyes are glued to his mouth. Jon Moxley never had a
problem with bewitching someone to the point of charming the pants off them.
'What do you have in mind?'
The kid obviously wasn't prepared for this question and if he was, he didn't
make a good job of coming up with a decent answer. Since he suggests a food
fight like this is still high school, Jon has no other choice but to burst out
laughing.
                                      ►►
Moxley's boisterous and mocking snickering can be heard throughout the whole
next segment and soon Leakee and Nick join him; all the other guys occasionally
turning towards them with a knowing grin as if it's nothing new to them that
Jon starts some kind of riot.
Gixx tries his best to ignore it though he can't seem to keep his eyes off of
the trio. He doesn't look bothered or like he thinks they're making fun of him.
It's more of a just wait and see expression he's wearing until he concentrates
on his interview again.
'This is one of my favorites,' he says radiantly, beaming at his conversation
partners. 'Have you ever dated one of your co-workers?' Solofa immediately
shakes his head. 'I have a beautiful wife.' The camera swerves to the counter
and a woman can be seen, waving at them and blowing her husband a kiss.
'At one point it just happens,' Kofi Nahaje assures Gixx and everyone else,
diving deeper into the topic. 'You hook up after work because it's easy and you
already know each other. It usually is nothing big but almost everyone has done
it at least once. Don't believe them if they try to deny it.'
'I really haven't,' Solofa swears while the rest of the table snorts. 'I did
though,' Samuel Fatu saves his brother, drawing the attention to him. 'Many
times.' He sounds not quite proud but it's obvious that the man doesn't regret
his affairs either.
'He probably slept with each guy as himself and me, so he'd have twice the fun
and the guy thinks he's had twins.' Samuel gently pushes his brother, causing
the other to almost fall off the chair while whispering hurriedly, 'Shh, don't
reveal the Twin Magic.'
'Definitely,' Stardust assures Gixx, breaking character for a second to beam
proudly. 'Until I met my girlfriend. You all may know her as one of our ring
announcers.' Eden Stiles, yes, everyone must have already seen her, but people
sure didn't pay a lot attention to the woman. Maybe they will now.
Gixx sighs tiredly, asking sullenly, 'You done now?' Jon Moxley raises his
hands, trying hard to stop the laughter from bubbling up again. 'Food fight.
You're cute.' The two-toned youngster rolls his eyes and asks the current
question again.
'My wife at home is gonna hate me for this, but yeah. Once,' Leakee shares his
story and for a moment Gixx seems to have lost his words, an uncomfortable
silence falling upon them until Moxley breaks it by butting in, 'Some mistakes
you only make once.'
The Samoan side-eyes his best friend and the look turns into an exasperated
stare. 'Don't listen to him since Mox is dying to make that mistake again.'
Everyone can see that this turned personal; Gixx and Nick awkwardly clear their
throat, neither of them knowing what to do now.
Then a carrot comes flying into the picture and hits Leakee at the temple.
'Food fight? How cute,' the man retaliates and Gixx quickly moves on since the
mood just changed to the worse and he needs to save it somehow.
                                      ►►
'Don't you think it's unwise to admit that at least half the actors here aren't
even homosexual?' Only one man answers this and it's the head of the company
himself. 'Not at all,' Triple H states, smiling down at his employee.
'We and especially the guys cater to everybody's needs. What we do entertains
our fans and we make sure that we have a little touch of everything. Our
followers can choose what they want to watch. You know, it's mostly just all in
people's heads, Gixx. Our members come to us to escape the real world, to
fulfill their fantasies. As long as we deliver does it really matter how we do
it?'
                                      ►►
'Any tips on how to make a promo look easy?' 'Be yourself,' Leakee instantly
shoots back, causing Gixx to frown profoundly. It clearly doesn't make a lot of
sense to him to be oneself while playing another character.
Leakee bends forward to explain his statement. 'Most promos are scripted but us
actors are allowed to improvise whenever we deem it fit. So, get into your
gimmick and think bout what you'd say in that situation. Just keep in mind to
be you, even if it's fake.'
Gixx stays silent, trying to fathom what the Samoan said. Jon, of all people,
clears this up easily. 'If you don't feel comfortable with your promo, people
will see it. It's all about putting on a show, but if you don't pour your very
heart into it, it's all in vain.'
'So,' the kid presses on, 'be yourself but stay in character?' He's clearly
confused by all of this. Moxley nods, playing around with the carrot he threw
at his friend earlier. 'Why do you think most of us portray someone who is
almost identical to our true self? Or at least we got some traits in common.'
Gixx seems to think about this, suddenly remembering something. 'What about
Stardust? He sure–' 'Some people are just great actors,' said man shouts
through the dining room, holding out his arms as if to embrace the whole world.
Gixx waves back at him, bowing his head gratefully. He doesn't get up to ask
for more advices and instead stays where he obviously feels the most
comfortable.
'Any of you actually have an acting career?' Leakee snorts while Jon huffs out
a laugh. 'Like we need one.' It would seem that some people really are just
naturally gifted.
'No, kiddo, we're all wrestlers who enjoy the second most wonderful pastime in
the world.' That seems legit enough. Completely out of the blue, Jon grabs Gixx
around the wrist to keep him in his seat. He's so fast that even Nick Nemeth –
who sits right next to the boy – flinches.
'Now it's your turn, buddy,' the man says with a predatory grin on his face but
Gixx doesn't seem too unsettled. Yet. 'You get one question, Johnny-boy.' The
grin turns feral and Nick as well as Leakee decide simultaneously to stay out
of this by pushing their chairs to the side.
'I like it when they talk back,' Moxley mutters before he asks loud enough for
the whole room to hear – and everyone turns towards them to catch Gixx' answer
–, 'What's your biggest kink?' Now the kid starts to get slightly nervous, not
quite happy with all the attention he gets.
It takes him a while to admit, 'Double penetration.' Loud cheers erupt and Nick
claps Gixx on the back, almost sending his head flying to the table. Jon stares
at his fellow wrestler disapprovingly, unhappy that someone is touching what he
already marked as his.
He lets the matter go though – at least for now – since it's more important to
him to be in his own little world; together with Gixx, of course. 'We'll work
on that,' he promises, not letting on if he means that he'll help the kid let
that fantasy come true or if they'll improve the kink list.
No matter what it is, Gixx can't take his eyes off of Moxley, licking over his
lips multiple times, unable to move on to the last question of the day. So Nick
flicks his fingers in front of the youngsters face, pointing at the sheet of
paper before him with a wink.
Gixx coughs and looks down, reading the sentence with a hoarse voice. 'How do
you stayed turned on and keep wrestling?' Leakee takes it upon himself to
answer first, since Jon and the kid resume to stare at each other. It's only
now that Moxley releases his grip on the other's wrist.
'Usually, we don't shoot the match and the sex in one go. Most times we don't
even do it on the same day. Depends on the actors.' Gixx finally finds the
strength to break free, running a shaky hand through his wet hair and playing
around with the crucifix around his neck. 'Except if the actors want to.'
Everyone realizes that Gixx is hinting at something specific; something Leakee
isn't too chipper about. 'There are certain people who love to break the rules
and do that, yeah.'
The bounciness is back and the kid taps his finger on the paper in front of
him, repeating his question, 'And how do they do it?' The Samoan swallows, his
patience clearly coming to an end, before he turns to his best friend. 'Why
don't you ask Cyberfights' prime example for that?'
Jon empties the rest of his drink as if he has all the time in the world.
'Pretty easy, so listen up, Gixxie. There are exactly three ways to keep the
boner. One: you're young enough to stay horny all day long. Sound familiar?'
Gixx only breathes in deeply, not even bothering to address that, so Moxley
moves on.
'Two: you take the little, blue pills. No shame in that. And three, which is my
favorite: you just go with the flow. I think I remember someone once said that
wrestling can be very erotic, if executed correctly and he was right. It's like
a nice, long foreplay for the mind and body alike.'
Leakee clicks his tongue, shooting his friend a warning glance. 'Like I said,
that's pretty unusual though. We always want to make sure our employees are
comfortable and well rested. It's really rare that we allow the shooting of
both acts on the same day.'
Gixx nods slowly, rubbing over his eyes as if something bothers him – and a
closer look reveals that he's wearing contact lenses. 'What about the Viagra
part. That true?'
Jon casually drapes his arm around Leakee's shoulder, staying silent for now.
So Nick clears this matter up for him. 'No one here has needed it yet. If
someone can't get it up on point – which happens more than people are aware of;
after all, we're just humans – we have ways to do something about it.'
'Like what?' Gixx probes some more, cheeks slightly flushed and somehow his
youth shows so much in this moment. Nick huffs, patting him on the head
patronizingly. 'Wait for it, greenie. So, if you just can't get a boner, for
whatever reason, then there's always the next day to shoot things. But the guys
here are very helpful, if you know what I mean.'
This doesn't answer Gixx' question though, so Solofa leans over to tap him on
the shoulder and finally give the kid some peace of mind. 'We have fleshlights
and all kinds of toys; sometimes we resort to mutual masturbation or we let our
wives and partners help us if they too work here.'
'We done?' Leakee looks at his watch, pushing his chair back to get up. 'Cause
we actually have to get it up now.' Gixx shakes his head, relieved that
everything is over. 'No, that's it. At least until people ask for more.'
Jon Moxley follows his friend but instead of putting his tray away, he sits on
the table right in front of Gixx, his feet trapping the kid in between the
chair and himself. 'You mean nosy people like you. Kiddo, you know that
curiosity killed the cat. Have I told you already that you look smokin' hot
today?'
'We're so not putting that into the video,' Gixx replies flustered, attempting
to free himself but Jon's a lot stronger than the boy. 'Oh, but we will,' the
man replies cheekily, taking pity on his prisoner and letting him go. Gixx
makes a run for it after refraining from punching Mox in the face.
'Isn't he hot? And I don't just mean in the barely legal, I wanna tap that ass
kinda way,' Jon muses, looking after his companion before he grins into the
camera and warns the entire world that they better keep their hands off Gixx.
'He's mine.'
                                       ■
All in all, the video looks good to him, even though he'd have cut out every
interaction he and Dean had that bordered on aggressive flirting, but Miz
forbid him to do it, calling them a dream team in front of the camera. Seth is
a bit afraid of how the Cyberfights universe will react to this.
It's also a mystery to him how he has been able to deal with this the whole
time without his head or dick exploding, but he definitely craves more.
***** Chapter 22 *****
Chapter Summary
     To his surprise, Dean is sitting in one of the chairs in front of
     Hunter's desk; both of them looking at him when he enters. Oh no,
     this is about their scenes in the video. The boss himself
     disapproves.
Chapter Notes
     I am so, so sorry for slacking so much these days. I don't even have
     a good apology. My energy is just gone and I'd love to simply stay in
     bed all day. I guess, everything is just too much for me. So please
     bear with me updating like a snail =)
                        Act Twenty-Two: box office draw
Seth is just supervising the preparations for the morning shoot later on – a
mashup he's eager to see for various reasons; Nick Nemeth vs. The Fatu Twins –
when he gets a text message from Damien. Apparently, Hunter wants to have a
talk with him about the behind the scenes video that was published last night.
He hasn't been able to watch it yet, so he doesn't know how the fans reacted,
but when the boss himself wants to see him it can't have been too good.
Maybe this whole idea was stupid. Perhaps he's the only one who is interested
in the people behind their gimmicks while everyone else just wants the real
action instead of guys talking on end.
'Miz said he wants an extra camera at ringside and whoever will do the job
should concentrate on the lower regions,' he says to Tyler who nods
impatiently. 'Sethie boy, when will you start using words like junk shots?
Makes everything so much easier.'
Excuse him for trying to show some manners, but he definitely won't change that
even if he might sound snobbish or prudish. 'Just don't forget it or he'll get
mad at me again.' And with that he walks right to the locker rooms, trying to
get a word with Dean before he'll meet the boss.
His friend hopefully knows what this is about, since Dean always is informed of
everything that's going on here. It's like he has his eyes and ears everywhere.
No one actually tells his friend stuff, he just is so perceptive that no one
needs to. But Dean isn't there, his clothes still stuffed away in his duffel
bag.
How odd. Looks like he didn't even have the chance to get comfortable, though
Seth knows that he's scheduled to shoot right after Dolph and the Usos. Nothing
big, just a backstage segment since Dean and Dolph are finished – at least for
now – and Creative doesn't know yet who he should feud with next.
Seth doesn't really mind, since it means he gets a tiny break from watching
Dean being intimate with other people. He can recharge his batteries and tend
to his own jealousy. As much as he hates to admit it, Seth finally understands
why Roman sometimes forgets that they actually have become friends to bark at
him like in the beginning.
Letting Dean go – to a certain degree – is everything, but it certainly isn't
easy.
Seth uses the stairs to get to Hunter's office, stalling as much time as he can
to come up with a plan in case he gets scolded for ever proposing that
ludicrous idea. By the time he's knocking on the door, he still has no idea
what to do. Doesn't matter now anyway.
Everyone makes mistakes; it's not like people forbid him to go through with it.
No one discouraged him, so he wasn't the only one who thought it would be a
success.
To his surprise, Dean is sitting in one of the chairs in front of Hunter's
desk; both of them looking at him when he enters. Oh no, this is about their
scenes in the video. The boss himself disapproves.
'I swear, this didn't become a problem,' he bursts out, walking up to his
friend to place his hands on the other's shoulders. He remembers the first time
he has been here, can recall how he felt when Hunter asked him if his feelings
for Dean would cause trouble.
He's going to tell him to leave. Damn, why couldn't Dean behave himself in that
video?
Hunter smiles irritated and waves at the second chair, so Seth can sit down. 'I
know. You're not here to get fired, Seth.' 'Oh, thank God,' he sighs relieved,
sinking down on his seat to the sound of Dean snorting fondly. No royal
telling-off then.
Hands down, Seth wouldn't know what to do with his life if he had to stop
working at Cyberfights.
'He'd never fire us,' Dean assures him, twiddling his thumbs in his lap. 'We're
the best thing he has to offer at the moment. He'd go broke without me.' The
best thing? Them? Why? All he did was referee two matches – mentally breaking
down during the second one – and interview some of the guys during their lunch
break.
Hunter just sighs, chiding his employee, 'Stop bragging, Ambrose. Seth, you're
here so I can offer you a job.' Okay? 'I already have one.' That's why he's
coming here every day before and after school, why he trains after closing
hours with Dean, Roman and Dolph and on the weekends with Jimmy and Marek, why
he gets a tiny paycheck which he spends mostly on giving Dean some money for
the rent, since they're living together in his flat and all.
'A real one, not just an internship. After your graduation. If you want to,
even alongside your studies. It's up to you.' What is he supposed to do?
Continue to work under Miz or be a referee for more than just Dean's matches?
Or become an actor himself, now that he already started to train wrestling?
Seth has no idea what to do in either of these jobs, he just follows orders,
but he knows one thing for sure. He would not be able to give his body to most
of the guys, not even if he would get money for it. He doesn't want to be
touched by anyone, no matter how much he likes them in real life.
This has nothing to do with spiting his family anymore. Hunter offered him a
serious job with a good income. Now it's Seth's choice to either accept or
decline. What happens if he does the latter? Could he still stay as the intern?
'How would I pull that off? My college is in San Francisco.' Oh wow, he just
said my college, as if he has already decided to leave. Looking into Dean's
clear blue eyes he realizes that recent events made him rethink that sexology
thing against his own will.
On the other hand, a little distance to all this confusing stuff doesn't sound
too bad.
Neither does staying in Dean's life forever. It's really complicated and Seth
lacks experience to know what to do in situations like these. Though he doubts
that a lot of people would. Maybe only a handful and they all work here too.
Yet Seth doesn't want to admit to Roman that he was right when he first told
him to back off. He can't give the Samoan the satisfaction. After all, they
still have some kind of tug war over who gets more of Dean's attention.
Hunter starts talking again and Seth has to jerk himself out of his thoughts.
He misses the first few words but it seems like the man hasn't said anything
important so far. 'We would shoot everything that involves your participation
on one day, most likely Saturday. Whenever you have time.'
Dean watches him from the side, quietly and with a calm that seems a bit
forced. He didn't miss out on Seth's hesitation to come to a decision. Quite
frankly, he doesn't seem surprised by it either. Seth hopes he is only
imagining the disappointment darkening the other's features for the fraction of
a second. 'Why?' he asks to distract himself, genuinely interested to hear the
reason for this offer and what Hunter thinks his role in the company could be.
'Dean is right,' his boss says begrudgingly, eliciting a smile from said man.
'You two draw the most attention. Your little project was a complete success
and people went nuts over Gixx and Moxley, calling you guys Gixley and they all
demand more. From a business point of view the two of you are our best box-
office smash since Roman and Dean worked together. You're maybe even better.'
Wow, that's a lot to take in. 'A bunch of– what did your parents call it?
Eboboblah.' 'Ephebophilia, being sexually attracted to and interested in mid-
to-late adolescents, mostly between the age of fifteen and nineteen,' he
corrects his crush automatically, not even bothering to consider that aspect.
He is too overwhelmed by Hunter's words. So Seth and Dean have a lot of on-
screen chemistry that can even rival with the best friends forever. That's balm
for his wounded soul.
Does Dean care? Sure, as Jon Moxley his flirting is over the top and he always
does these things that drive Seth up the wall, but Dean – the man behind the
mask – is weirdly reserved lately. Except for the times they have to play
boyfriends or he teaches him how to be a more believable partner.
'No one knows you're still in high school and I won't allow anything major to
happen until you're legal and feel ready for it.' At this rate, he'll never be
comfortable in front of the camera. At least not as long as he's– 'S-slow down,
please,' he begs, stuttering helplessly.
'I would never– I mean–' He's struggling for words, blushing furiously. 'Dean
is– I'm not–' Jeez, he doesn't make it any better for himself. His crush smiles
down at his lap and takes matters into his own capable hands, saving him over
and over.
'What he's trying to say is,' his friend starts, clearing his throat to speak
on with a high-pitched, mock version of Seth's voice. 'Hunter, I'm a virgin and
even though I would love to lose my virginity to this handsome, fine human
being next to me I would never ever be able to out-wrestle him.'
When Dean started to talk Seth could feel his lungs shrivel to two tiny
raisins, fearing the other would make this about his non-existent sex life –
like he was trying to confess earlier. But his friend left this detail out and
instead concentrated on his wrestling debut to not embarrass Seth in front of
their boss. Dean is the best.
'Right,' he manages to croak out, the words hurting his throat. 'I still need a
lot of training before I can even think of stepping into the ring as a
competitor.' Hunter shows no reaction whatsoever, most likely seeing right
through the lie. Dean on the other hand winks at him and mutters with a smirk,
'Training.' It has the same effect as if he would have used air quotes.
'I heard you already get free wrestling lessons,' his boss picks up the
conversation and Seth ducks his head, though Hunter doesn't seem angry that
he's getting away with endangering Cyberfights' top athletes to help him hone
his skills. 'And Roman says you're a fast learner. He thinks highly of you.'
Wow, that's– He did wrong by the Samoan on numerous occasions then.
All that matters to Seth is the thing between him and Dean because it keeps him
up at night and makes it so hard for him to ignore. Especially since Dean
hasn't made up his mind yet. And if he has, he's not sharing his thoughts with
anyone. Or just not Seth. Gosh, his short life couldn't be more complicated.
'But,' he blurts out, pressing his lips together to not admit that he doesn't
want to sleep with myriads of guys. Especially not in front of a rolling
camera. Only Dean is allowed to touch him and that's the way it should stay.
Hunter smiles at him fatherly, nodding to show he understands him perfectly.
'Relax, Seth. Nothing's set in stone yet. You don't have to start as a
performer. We can max out what we have right now if you're not comfortable with
more. You can remain our backstage interviewer and guest referee. Or you stay
behind the camera. It's all your choice.'
He'd love to show the world that Dean belongs to him, that Jon Moxley got tamed
not by his Samoan brother but by a skinny, geeky high school kid; that everyone
can achieve their dreams, can get every partner they fell in love with. No one
is out of anyone's league and nothing is impossible.
The only problem he has is the same thing that ruined already Dean's wrestling
career. The porn stuff. And the fact that someone still needs to pop his
cheery.
'I'm a virgin,' he sighs, feeling the need to let Hunter know about this. He's
thankful that Dean wanted to keep it a secret but maybe it's time to come
clean. 'Like, I've never had sex in my life. Your offer sounds tempting but I'm
not sure I could do that job. Not yet anyway.' He's too scared to look at Dean
while saying this, not prepared for the hurt and understanding he would
undoubtedly see.
'It's alright, no need to worry. It was just an idea and ultimately, it's your
choice. You are the only one making the decision,' his boss assures him and
Seth instantly feels better. No one will force him to work here, will shove him
into someone's hands and coerce him to have his first intercourse in this
environment.
Everything remains in his control.
Dean speaks up again, shooting a surprisingly comforting glance at him. 'Give
him time, Trips. First he has to play his little what if game. Nothing goes
without that.' Hey, one needs to ask questions if there are supposed to be any
answers. He feels safer with going through all the eventualities. Not everyone
can be so chill like Dean, only laughing in the face of uncertainty and danger.
'It's a lot to grasp,' he justifies himself, though there's really no need.
Dean does not make fun of him for this. Nor is he mad. On the contrary, he
respects everything he does.
Hunter first looks at his trusted employee and then at Seth, thinking about
something for a second before he announces, 'You'd only work with Dean. If that
helps.'
'I– Yes. No?' The problem remains, he never aspired to be a porn starlet.
Besides, who would want to watch any videos with him? He's convinced that
Gixley only has so many fans because of Jon Moxley and their wish to see the
man deflower a helpless creature.
A hand runs through his blond patch, tucking a strand of it behind his ear.
'Informative as ever, hot stuff.' Why is he doing this to him in front of the
eyes of their boss? And how come Seth can't not lean into the touch as if he's
stranded in the desert and Dean is offering him the last drop of water?
Hunter clears his throat, but the corners of his lips move up against his will.
Seems like he knew exactly what he was getting himself into when he allowed
Seth to work here. Doesn't mean he'll watch his boys straddle each other right
in front of him.
So he does what any responsible boss would do: let them be together while
ushering them to do it anywhere but in his office. The less he witnesses, the
better for him and his company. 'Dean, Rosa called earlier. She wants you to
head down, look at her and AJ's new design idea before they sew it.'
'I like my ring gear,' comes the instant complaint and Seth is so relieved that
he's no longer the center of attention, even though Dean's hand continues to
comfort him by resting on his shoulder, squeezing gently to make sure Seth is
still there. How cute. It's so relieving to know that Dean needs a constant
reminder of that too. They're nothing without the other, unable to function. It
should help him come to a decision, but for some reason it only makes
everything harder.
'Not yours,' Hunter groans, giving his employee a piercing glance. Why do they
want Dean to look at the sketches then? 'Sure thing,' his friend replies,
jumping up, not even once trying to get to the bottom of this. From the looks
of it, he's already used to the girls asking for his help. Does Dean have any
experience with designing ring gear?
His crush turns to him, holding out a hand for him to grab and let himself be
yanked up, grinning from ear to ear. 'You want to see what Rosa did with your
ref outfit?' Oh, this is about him? He'll get his own ring gear, something
that'll only be his from now on?
Seth can't even describe the feeling taking over his body. He just knows he
couldn't be more flattered or happier. At the same time a small part of him
starts to panic, conjuring up the pictures of the last shooting he attended.
'I'll referee again?' he whispers as soon as they stand outside of Hunter's
office, a hand grabbing his friend at the elbow to keep him close. He thinks he
would faint if he couldn't breathe in Dean's calming scent anymore. Blue eyes
dig themselves into his brown ones, stare right through him and at his soul,
letting a pleasant shiver run down his spine.
'Box office draw, Seth,' Dean reminds him and he can't help but think how weird
it is when his crush calls him by his name. He got so used to hear the other
calling him hot stuff that he sometimes forgets it's not how he was baptized.
'Only if you want to though. No pressure, remember?'
He does. And he can't believe he found a workplace where he's not urged to do
this or that just because he signed a contract. Nothing happens against his
will, maybe that's why he loves being here so much. Everything was always
mandatory at home; if he didn't do it, he got sanctioned. At Cyberfights, he
can be himself, spread his wings or hide in the dark if he rather chooses to do
that.
Dean would never drop him just because Seth follows his own rules.
He nods slowly, suddenly not confident enough anymore to take Dean's hand in
his own, but his longing gaze must give him and his thoughts away. His friend
graces him with a tender smile, entwining their fingers as they walk down the
stairs to the costume department.
See? These little things are driving Seth insane because he has no clue if Dean
does them since they're friends and he can't deny him a wish or if it's due to
their pretend boyfriend thing, giving Seth lessons in being a convincing actor
without a heads up. He's too timid to ask, dead certain he won't like the
answer because he'll never hear the three words that should follow his
question.
On the other hand, he's glad Dean blesses him with tiny touches all the time.
As if he wants to make sure Seth keeps on being head over heels since he too
savors their time together.
'You won't handcuff me again, will you?' he breathes, wincing when his voice
echoes in the stairwell. He sounds as terrified as he feels, turning his gaze
away ashamed. The real query should be will you break my soul in half once more
by making me watch you have intercourse?
Dean has heard it – even the unspoken words – but his reply is too cautious to
really ease Seth's worries. Dean's job is the biggest, most unbeatable obstacle
that ever lay in both their ways and neither of them has an idea how to conquer
it, since they have different opinions about this.
Seth can't go on sharing his crush with other men while Dean won't give up his
work because that's what he loves. They've reached an impasse, yet they
continue to dance around the matter because saying it out loud would mean that
it's all over. And as much as they think they're right, neither of them wants
to be the one ending their friendship. If someone had told him that falling in
love was so difficult and painful, he'd not have done it.
His friend stops walking, hugging Seth for moral support and because he can't
offer him any more apologies. The emotional trauma he had to suffer through at
the last shooting will forever weigh Dean down, since he blames himself for it.
He probably also resents Roman a bit for not allowing him to talk about
everything before the tryouts, leaving Seth alone with his haunting memories
even when he was right next to him.
'Nothing will ever happen against your will again. I promise.' Good.
Why doesn't he feel better then? How come he is still hurting whenever he
thinks of their future? Seth presses his face against the other's collarbone,
nuzzles the smooth skin with his nose while his arms hold Dean tight, afraid
he'll disappear forever if he lets go. 'I don't want to watch you with someone
else,' he mumbles as low as he can, somehow hoping his friend won't catch it.
They're both not yet ready to face this problem.
Dean sighs, saying the words Seth never wanted to hear. The ones that make
everything kind of final. 'It's my job, Seth. It saved me.'
'I know,' he whispers back, tears shooting to his eyes, begging to be released,
'but I can't lose you.'
***** Chapter 23 *****
Chapter Summary
     I see you, always have.
                  Act Twenty-Three: brotherhood of the hounds
March passes by and finally normalcy rolls around. After admitting that a life
without Dean is unimaginable and the vow that they'll find a solution one day,
the two of them live together without anything out of the ordinary happening.
The advantage? Seth gets to know Dean better, like he always wanted.
His friend is opening up at his own pace, one day even surprising him with a
second framed picture next to the one of him and Roman. It shows the three of
them in the performance center, all sweaty and worn out but overjoyed
nonetheless. Dean has an arm around Seth's shoulders while Roman laughs at a
silly joke his best friend had cracked.
The picture radiates a warmth that screams family and brotherhood and Seth is
still stunned into silence by this lovely gesture. He has no words to thank
Dean for this. And even if it's not yet only the two of them, it's still a
welcome in my life, please feel at home and stay.
Seth can't even tell how much he loves walking past it, just to remind himself
that happiness is only one heartbeat away.
They get up early in the mornings to eat cereals with fruits and yogurt, shower
and put on mostly Dean's clothes to drive to Cyberfights, so Seth can do some
paperwork or shortly attend a shooting. Then someone drops him off at school –
the driver depends on who is on good terms with Dean and not due to film –
where he's busy fending off the jerks who have sadly gotten bolder again, now
that they realized Dean isn't always there to protect him, and counting the
minutes until he can go back to the company.
His crush works out, shoots backstage segments, promos, the porn stuff Seth
couldn't bear to watch and matches, though Miz often waits until he returns so
he can appear in the background or as a minor role since this odd thing between
them still draws the most attention and people flip out if they only breathe
the same air.
He knows what that's like; he has also shipped so many pairings in his life
already. Seth just never thought that one day he'd be a half of one of those.
Though he has to admit that he's the number one Gixley fan. Obviously.
Seth is still amazed that people demand his presence, that they want to see him
and voice their discontent in the comment section whenever he doesn't have a
role in a show. Jojo showed him some excerpts and almost all were about him and
Dean and the sexual tension between them.
Sure, there were some weird people wishing to handcuff him to their beds and
fuck him senseless or stating that Moxley is the right person to take his
virginity. Seems like people did take notice of it. He has no clue why he
thought he could hide it from everyone. But he's surprised that no one makes
fun of him for it. On the contrary, people think it's hot, which is why Seth
stops worrying about it.
The fans are only waiting for Jon Moxley to take him right in front of their
eyes, but they can wait forever for that to happen. He will not have his first
time posted on the internet. No matter how desperate he might be to finally
have intercourse, he'll never break his own promise to stay true to himself.
In the afternoons, once Seth finished his work, they head to the performance
center until it's finally time for dinner. They mostly eat takeaway since it's
fast and easy. Then Dean grabs himself a book to read or a game to play while
Seth does the few homework he still gets. Sometimes his friend helps him,
mostly doing research to save him some time.
On the weekends they work on his wrestling moves, often ending their days with
Roman joining them. It's hard for him to ignore the tight and strong bond these
two share – it is painfully apparent that the Samoan wishes there could be more
again – and Seth starts to fear that maybe he not only has to come to terms
with Dean's peculiar job but also with them ending up in a polyamorous
relationship.
Today is Saturday and they finished their training around noon, since Dean
wants to buy new furniture, as well as a shower head and some other stuff Seth
might need, now that it seems unlikely he'll move out any time soon. Seth
wanted to pay half the money but Dean said he got it covered. His apartment,
his rules. Seth then asked to at least join him but Dean just left while he was
still in the shower, a note on the counter telling Seth he should study in
peace and quiet. If he wants to contribute, he could make dinner.
 Rats are in the dumpster outside, if you want one to pull at your hair while
                     you cook. Don't burnmy flat our home.
Smiling, Seth finishes his work in record time. Knowing that Dean most likely
won't be back before seven, he now still has over an hour to prepare something
edible. He opens the fridge to see what they still have, writing everything
down to turn on his laptop and find a good recipe while listening to some
music.
After a few minutes of clicking through cooking sites and blogs he decides that
it's going to be potatoes with eggs and spinach, since they don't really have
much food left and Dean wanted to roast the chicken tomorrow.
He turns up the volume – taking advantage of the freedom he has in Los Angeles
–, changes into loose fit boxer shorts and one of Dean's shirts, singing at the
top of his lungs to some songs from the Swedish melodic metalcore band Dead by
April. He loves them to death, but he's fed up with people constantly joining
and leaving the band. It's so hard to keep up with all the changes.
Seth rummages around in the kitchen, pulling out a frying pan to skin the
potatoes and cut them into cubes right away before he puts the spinach into a
cooking pot and holds his arms under water to cool himself down a bit. It has
been really hot lately, so Seth rips all windows open to let in as much fresh
air as possible, not yet ready to use the air conditioning all day long.
After all, Dean pays every bill himself, not accepting Seth's hard-earned
money.
He's so engrossed in his task that he misses how the door is being opened. He
also doesn't see Dean walk into the flat, putting their new stuff on the ground
to lean it against the wall. Seth has no clue how long he just stands there,
listening to him sing Immortals from Fall Out Boy, since he can't get Big Hero
6 out of his head anymore, but when he turns around while doing a dance move,
the cooking spoon in front of his mouth as a makeshift microphone, he freezes,
not only looking in a set of blue eyes but also a brown one.
'Rome, I didn't know you would come,' he stutters, needing a whole minute to
realize that he's still holding the wooden spoon in front of his lips.
Embarrassed, he uses it to stir the home fries, hoping no one will address his
performance. Dean turns down the volume again, so they don't have to scream and
Roman grins, pointing at the huge cardboard boxes in the hallway area.
'I helped Dee buy the stuff.'
What? He can't take Seth with him but the Samoan, the ex-lover by the way, is
okay? Why didn't Dean tell him he'd spend the day with Roman? Though, judging
by the amount of boxes they must have been quite busy. However, they were able
to make time for a quickie in the past too, so they already know how to do
that.
God, he ruins himself with thoughts like these.
Besides, Dean doesn't owe him anything. Seth has to remind himself that they're
not a couple, only merely roommates. Friends who occasionally pretend to be
together. Dean might know that he is in love with him but he's also aware of
Rome's feeling. Logically, they have no right to call him theirs.
Just because fans ship Gixley more than Jon Moxley and Leakee there is no
guarantee that Dean will ever fall for Seth. He can't force him to but he can
fight. It just sucks, since he doesn't want to be in a competition with Roman.
Because this time – when the stakes are so high – he fears he'll lose.
'Had a nice day?' he asks to distract himself, not wanting to dampen his mood
with that dreaded topic right now. Roman is still married, Seth has Hunter's
offer to bind Dean only to himself at work and there is also the fake boyfriend
thing uniting them. Not all hope is lost yet.
Dean kicks his boots off, Rome following suit, and Seth pours two more eggs
into the pan before his friend gets three plates. Seth can't even put into
words how relieved he is when Dean stands so close to him that he can feel the
other's body heat, a faint scent of fresh sweat permeating the air.
'Yup. Found us a bigger closet, so you don't have to live out of a bag anymore
and a second nightstand. You now also own a cup,' Dean announces, nodding
towards Rome, so he can show Seth the mug.
Don't flatter yourself is printed on it in Dean's handwriting and Seth is too
overwhelmed to react in any way. Dean wants him here, has accepted him as a
major part of his life; be it as brother or friend with benefits.
'I didn't burn our kitchen,' is all he can say but it's good enough. Dean,
still standing awfully close, smiles at him and his heart instantly pumps lava
through his veins. If only Roman wouldn't be here right now.
'Smells yummy, let's eat. I'm starving.' And with that they flop down on the
couch, the three of them sitting body to body, now that the Samoan wedged
himself on it too. Seth doesn't mind since he got to be in the middle –
separating Dean and Roman physically.
While they're eating, he even got a thumbs up from his friends for his cooking
skills, Dean proposes they should play a game and that it'd be a lot funnier
now that they have a third player. Seth nods eagerly, ready to squash both of
them in a Beat 'em Up or racing game but nobody gets up to give him a
controller.
'Old school, hot stuff,' Dean chuckles and together with Roman he brainstorms
what to do. A lot of games Seth has never heard of – because these two made
them up as some kind of friendly competition – are being named and discarded
until they settle on a modified twenty questions.
'Anything goes, you got ten tries. We answer with yes, you get another one,'
Rome explains the rules and Seth gives a nod of understanding. They play a few
rounds with all three of them winning and losing equally and Seth has
unexpectedly tons of fun until they change the categories. Instead of only
people they really include everything.
Right now he's trying to guess which bathroom object he is, failing miserably.
This is already the third time in a row he's about to lose while Dean already
got his, a blow drier, and Roman just now assumed correctly, 'Am I a mirror?'
Sometime an hour ago they got up to do the dishes during playing, only to sit
on the bed afterwards so Seth could braid Rome's massive mane while Dean combs
and dresses his hair.
He sighs annoyed, contemplating for a second to just rip some of the dark hair
out as a sign of his annoyance, but then he only groans, muttering, 'Yes.
Alright, my turn. I'm useful and everybody has it. I'm not big but my size is
one of my only advantages. I'm there to clean up but I'm not a mop.' He's
wracked his brain, has gone through everything in Dean's bathroom twice already
but there is only one thing coming to his mind. If it's not that, he gives up.
This is his last try anyway.
'Am I a lavatory brush?' Dean yanks at his braid, the pain strangely not
hurting him but showing Seth that his friend is surprised he'd think they would
stick a note on his forehead that says toilet brush.
'No,' Roman exclaims and they both almost laugh themselves to tears when Seth
mutters grouchily, 'But I want to be one.' For a while he has no idea what is
so funny until he realizes what he just said.
'No, guys, I mean– ugh.' It's no use. He has said it and he can't take it back
anymore. Seth can be glad if no one starts calling him toilet brush from now
on.
What astonishes him the most though is Roman squeezing out breathlessly,
'Please don't ever change.' He has no clue why but he somehow knows that this
is the moment. The Samoan has finally accepted him as a friend and competitor
alike. But most of all, he feels like Roman made him his baby brother too.
Things just got easier and so much more complicated at the same time.
That Dean kisses him gently on the neck – without Rome getting wind of it –
strengthens his amorous feelings. He's finally found himself a new home and a
loving family. It is still confusing and he can never tell what will happen
next, but he is sure that this is all he ever wanted.
                                     * * *
'Were you mad when you found out that Roman told me about your past affairs?'
he asks, taking the towel Dean hands him. His friend points at his bright red
The Flash shirt with raised eyebrows and Seth gets the hint. He takes it off,
impatiently waiting for the answer.
Dean doesn't talk until he's covered in a huge, old towel and sitting on a
chair they brought into the small bathroom. 'At first, yeah,' his friend admits
begrudgingly, combing Seth's hair to separate the blond patch from the brown
one. 'But I didn't find out. He told me.'
Of course he did. The truth is a very powerful weapon. Seth should have known
that there's nothing Roman hides from Dean, so he's pretty sure that his crush
is also aware of the other's feelings that never faded away completely. The
older man is better at containing them than Seth, but they're there the whole
time. Suddenly, the marital problems make a lot more sense. So does Dean's
behavior. His crush cherished both of them in his own way and breaking one of
their hearts is the last thing he wants to do. This whole situation must be
really hard on him.
Despite everything, Dean spends his time mostly with Seth, training him harder
than before, taking him out for dinner more often too. What's interesting about
this is that each time they do that they get closer and closer to the city. As
if Dean slowly loses his reticence to admit that Seth means a great deal to him
and that he wishes to show the whole world.
'You never wanted me to know,' he assumes, watching Dean open the package to
read over the instructions. 'Nope,' his friend replies distractedly. 'At least
not so soon. Wasn't a nice person back then, hardly could stand looking at my
own reflection. Did a lot of stupid shit. Not exactly something to make you
like me.' Before he can say anything, his friend adds hastily, 'Or anyone, as a
matter of fact.'
Aw, Dean wanted Seth to like him? Sorry, that's all he gets from the other's
words because it once more doesn't fit the image Seth had from the man. Dean is
so soft and mellow that it's almost unbelievable he and Jon Moxley once have
been the same person.
Seth often questions himself if he had fallen in love with him if he'd met Dean
back then, like Rome did. He honestly can't tell and that keeps him up at
night. Because Roman didn't hesitate even one second to look behind all the
drugs, alcohol and destructive behavior. Seth isn't sure he would have been
able to do that, which is also why he fears that Dean will choose Roman once he
realizes that the Samoan won't ever leave his side, no matter what happens in
the future.
'Alright, lean your head back a bit,' the other urges him and Seth follows the
order immediately, closing his eyes to give Dean a small amount of privacy. And
Seth doesn't want to look at him while talking about Roman, even though he
could read everything he truly wants to know in his crush's blue eyes.
Sometimes it's better to be left in the dark.
While Dean mixes the tincture, the telltale, harsh stench of the bleaching
product fills the room. He can hear his friend scrunch up his nose but there's
no snarky remark about their newest ritual, so Seth doesn't apologize either.
'Why did he do it anyway? Did Rome tell you the reason for him trying to scare
me off?' he inquires instead, grabbing the bull by the horns so to speak. Dean
isn't very often in a talkative mood and since he still refuses to discuss
them, Seth hopefully gets the next best thing.
Dean chuckles mirthlessly, putting on the protection gloves to pour some of the
bleach on the dark roots of his blond patch before he massages most of the tube
into the whole bright side.
'You know what?' his friend suddenly says, avoiding to answer just yet. 'Trust
me on this, I'm gonna improve your very unique hair style a bit. You do trust
me, don't ya?' Seth doesn't even need a moment to think about this. He would
put his life in the other's hands and never regret that decision.
'Implicitly.'
He can't see what Dean is doing, but it feels as if he takes a few, very thin
strands of the brown patch to highlight them too. Seth can imagine what his
crush is doing and he likes the idea a lot. He never thought about making it
look as if his blond patch reaches out to the bigger brown side to find more
ways to shine, claiming the dark hair as its own. Or as if he is unable to comb
himself correctly. Dean doesn't bleach the strands wholly, only doing them a
few inches each.
'Ro's sorry for doin' that to you. He knows he fucked up,' Dean mutters
nonchalantly, putting the bleach aside to sit on the toilet seat and wait for
the product to work its magic.
They still have the actual dying ahead of them but Seth looks forward to the
hair wash he'll get afterwards. Dean bought not only the best bleach and dye
out there, but he also got Seth a hair tonic and shampoo with liquid silk to
make sure his heavily stressed mane doesn't dry out after this treatment.
When Seth asks him how he could think of all the little details, the other
surprises him once more, confessing, 'I once died my hair pink. And just so you
can laugh some more, dumbo, I'll even tell ya that I wore it as long as you
right now. Wild teens, huh?'
He tries so hard to imagine the odd hair job but it sounds too absurd to
believe. That is until Dean walks into the bedroom to show him an old, faded-
out picture and Seth laughs so heartily that he almost falls off the chair.
Dean lets him get away with it, even joining him after looking at the
photograph too. 'I'm so glad you cut it off.' His friend grimaces and throws a
wet wash cloth at his face, resting his feet on the tub.
While they wait and try not to inhale too much of the the eye-watering stench,
Seth picks up the conversation again, prodding, 'I'm not mad; only confused. I
mean, he didn't tell somebody all my secrets.' Dean nods, humming thoughtfully,
still not helping him to solve this riddle.
He only gets up after a while to guide Seth to the shower, so he will bend
forward and Dean can wash the bleach off. Once it's done Seth wants to take a
sneak peek but his crush just whisks him away from the mirror and pushes him
back into the chair to rub his hair almost dry before applying the blond dye.
'Good to know no one of us is pissed off then. And ain't it obvious why he did
it? If you don't know already I won't tell ya.' Unfair. Okay, Seth suspects it
was to make Dean look as bad and undesirable as possible, so Seth would give up
his pursuit.
This is the moment of truth then. He can sense that his crush won't avoid the
topic anymore; not today. This is the only time he'll get an honest answer,
which is why Seth says the words that haunt him the most during the nights he
lies awake next to his soundly sleeping friend.
'He wants you for himself.' He doesn't avert Dean's gaze, meets it head-on. His
crush doesn't blink, combing his hair once more, meticulously separating dark
from bleach blond strands.
His silence is the loudest sound Seth has ever heard, his heart sinking in his
chest. He was right about all of it. But simply guessing it and knowing the
whole, sad truth are two completely different things. Now he kind of wishes he
had never asked.
There are a thousand questions threatening to spill but suddenly he's too
scared to utter even a single one of them, convinced he'd only hear yet another
thing he couldn't handle. He's in way over his head already and his fragile
mind can't take any more setbacks.
Dean dyes the rest of his hair wordlessly and Seth is afraid that this might be
the definite end of them. The fear is so crippling that he almost starts crying
while he has to look at his crush working concentrated. But after everything is
done, his friend bends down, eyeing his job, a soft smile dancing over his face
and then he places a kiss on top of his newly bleached, dyed and washed hair,
whispering, 'If Ro likes it or not, I'm not his and he has to get used to
sharing me.'
It's not a commitment – Seth suspects Dean has a phobia of that – but it's
something.
                                     * * *
Spring break has finally rolled around and Seth celebrates that by working all
day long on his wrestling skills, only occasionally sitting in his office or
supervising a shooting. He's glad no one asks him to be present during Dean's
matches, even though Jojo tells him that the fans are getting impatient the
longer Gixx and Moxley don't interact.
He's still reeling from the various talks they had at home until Seth finally
got to hear the whole Ambreigns story from Dean. Needless to say, he never had
a bigger NOTP.
As it turned out, it was the classic romance – someone falling for their savior
since that was the first person to ever accept, respect and love them.
Roman was on his way back from his vacation when his plane made an unplanned
stop in Ohio due to some technicals problems, and he had to spend at least one
night there. While searching for a hotel room he stumbled upon a flyer for an
HWA event and decided to watch the show where he saw a completely high and
shitfaced – Dean's words – Jon Moxley, wrestling even in this state like he was
born to do so. He knew that Dean needed to get his life back in order to ever
have a real chance at making it to the top where he belonged.
So Rome waited for Dean after the show and left his number, promising Dean a
regular life in LA, as well as a secure job. He told right from the beginning
that Cyberfights is a porn agency but his crush didn't mind.
He would have accepted anything that would finally get him out of Cincinnati as
long as he was allowed to wrestle.
Roman flew Dean in, put him into a clinic for detox and convinced Hunter to
sign his newfound friend as soon as he was clean. Somewhere in between, Dean
picked up on Rome's more than just friends feelings and said to himself screw
it, not my wife, not my responsibility. His crush moved out to not see Galina
anymore, having second thoughts but not willing to give up the good time he had
with Roman.
In the following two years Dean thought he loved Roman with all his heart, yet
one morning he woke up and realized that he didn't want to be the bad guy of
the story anymore. Not with a kid on its way – that surely was some kind of
last resort from Galina to save the marriage. Before his relatives died, Dean
already grew up in a broken home and he refused to be the one who destroyed the
Reigns family.
It took Dean almost a whole month to sort his feelings out, to find out if he
indeed had deep feelings for Roman or if he was just thankful and believed to
do so. When Galina made the ultimatum, Dean knew. He didn't even have to think
about it anymore. He was sure that he needed to let his brother go.
Roman wouldn't accept his decision for a very long time, but stayed with his
wife for the sake of Joelle. Seth was completely flabbergasted when Dean told
him it had been his request to stop shooting with the Samoan. His crush felt he
owed that much to Rome's wife.
Dean uncharacteristically stuttered around then as he tried to tell Seth what
he did after breaking up with Roman, cutting himself off more than once until
he hurriedly admitted that he basically fucked everyone he met to get him out
of his head. The way he pronounced that word, Seth was convinced he didn't talk
about Roman, but no matter how much he pried, Dean wouldn't share anything
else, only muttering, 'That's a story for another time, smart aleck.'
Seth has a feeling that it'll take Dean a lifetime to open up like this again
and he wasted that golden opportunity to hear more about Roman. Though, to be
honest, that night was very interesting and enlightening. And a lot to swallow
too. Seth is glad he finally got the longer version though he suspects there
are still things Dean conveniently left out.
It's all right as long as he didn't lie to him. Everything else Seth can handle
somehow. And speaking of, he's still unable to deal with Dean's job, avoiding
his shootings at all costs, trying to figure out how this is ever supposed to
change.
Today is Wednesday and Dean entertained him to breakfast at IHOP, in the middle
of the city and at broad daylight. He never asked the other if he too considers
these occasions as dates, yet he likes to pretend Dean knows he sees them as
such.
He enjoys these meals tremendously, flirting and fanboying with his crush in
public. Strangely, this Dean isn't that much different from the private one
anymore and also very close to his pretend boyfriend. Just that there's no
kissing involved.
Seth – being the good boy he is – hasn't tried to do anything, waiting for Dean
to give him a sign but he guesses that as long as his friend isn't certain
about his feelings he can't expect some cradling.
He hasn't let Seth in on the current Roman situation, always reminding him that
he has said everything he needs to know. Seth though feels as if Dean is
leaving him in the dark on purpose until he's made up his mind – not wanting to
hurt either of them but accidentally doing so anyway.
Seth sometimes cries himself silently to sleep because he's sure that Dean will
rediscover his love for the Samoan and this time it'll be genuine. Seriously,
how good are the chances of a minor to win against an old flame? He's no match
to Roman.
Which is why he wants to read so much into these dates because it's always just
the two of them, no one to disturb them or divert Dean's attention. It's only
Seth and Dean and the porn world is simply a faraway memory.
Or, that's how it usually goes down. Seth actually had only been waiting for
someone they know to run into them – now that they don't hide in dingy diners
anymore. He'd hoped a couple of their co-workers would see them, but of course
he has no such luck. None other than the school jocks walk in, almost
immediately catching sight of them.
Don't get him wrong, he loves them pretending to be together and he knows that
Dean doesn't mind playing his part but Seth would appreciate if they wouldn't
have to fake anything. If by now they'd really be together.
'Now, would you look at that. It's our fairy Rollins and his homo parade,'
Grant snarls and Seth regrets that he didn't manage to break the other's nose a
few weeks ago. And that they're inside. He won't start a fight in the holy
house of pancakes. Dean looks like he'd rather continue eating than dealing
with these idiots too.
His friend doesn't even blink at being called that, just cuts off another piece
of his waffle and grins playfully at him, holding his fork out so he can spoon-
feed him in front of their eyes. Seth knows how to switch into his role but he
does so with a heavy heart.
Dean should be only his – lock, stock and barrel –, without all this fake stuff
slowing them down. Maybe it's about time to confess his feelings out loud, with
a huge gesture to emphasize his words. Perhaps that will force Dean to come out
of his shell. Seth needs an answer; his future depends on it.
'Mornin',' Dean greets his schoolmates casually, pouring some more chocolate
sauce over his meal while Seth takes a strawberry to tip it into whipped cream
and hold it out for his crush to take. Dean's warm lips surround his fingertips
for a moment and a shiver runs down his spine. This is awesome.
Dean never draws back or retreats emotionally whenever they are playing
boyfriends. He should totally have a serious talk while they're a couple so his
crush can't just walk out of the room and leave him with more questions than
anyone can ever answer.
'Never thought you'd still be alive cause Rollins always bores us to death,'
Patrick boasts and Seth rolls his eyes, groaning loudly. Can't they pester
somebody else on this hot day?
'It's not like we got much time for talkin' anyway,' Dean counters, smirking at
them, making them grimace in unison. If only they would have intercourse as
often as they pretend they do.
Grant crosses his arms over his chest, staring at him hard and spiteful, before
he throws Seth's milkshake on him, staining his freshly washed clothes.
'Whoops, sorry. Clumsy me. But that's how you like it anyway, right? Covered in
spunk.'
Seth can feel Dean tense across the table, the smile on his face getting cold
and unforgiving. 'Ya better fuck off now,' his friend starts to threaten them,
blue eyes shining furiously, 'before I stab you in your fucking faces. Trust
me, I've been in jail before, I'd gladly go back for him.'
He doesn't doubt that for a second. All of it. And it's beautiful in every way
possible.
'Doesn't surprise us that you learned how to gay in prison,' Grant can't stop
winding Dean up and Seth feels the need to intervene. Not only does he wish to
get to Cyberfights to ask AJ for a spare change of clothes, but he also
wouldn't like to visit his crush in the penitentiary.
'Grant, back off. We don't want me to tell your father who crashed his beloved
Porsche while doing naughty things, do we?' His adversary glares at him, a vein
in his neck pulsating nervously. Seems like he said the right thing.
The five guys retreat but Grant hisses, 'You'll regret that, Rollins.' Somehow
he has the sinking feeling he will and that whatever they do next will break
him. Thank God school ends in June. Only a bit more than two months. He can
survive that.
As soon as they're gone Dean asks, 'How'd you know bout the car?' He shrugs,
mourning the loss of saliva on his fingers and resuming to eat even though he
has lost his appetite and everything tastes like ash now.
'The only good thing about being invisible is that people talk about everything
without realizing you're there.' Dean frowns, putting down his knife and fork,
blinking dumbfounded. 'You listen to me now and you better listen good. You are
not invisible and I have no idea how people can treat you like that. I see you,
always have. Bunch of dumbasses. At least that means there's more Seth for me.'
All joking aside, how can one not love Dean?
'What have you overheard at Cyberfights already?' his crush muses, not really
expecting an answer. 'We should head there, I can borrow you some of my
clothes.' Now that sounds way better than begging in the costume department for
an old, unused gear. There's nothing better than wearing his friend's stuff.
It's a special kind of shield that makes him feel invincible.
Seth jumps up, yanking Dean out the door excitedly. 'Come on, slowpoke, get a
move on then.' His crush laughs, following him down the street, not once trying
to free his hand out of Seth's demanding grip.
***** Chapter 24 *****
Chapter Summary
     'Look at you, hot stuff. All grown up and still so impatient.'
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for my long absence, I hope I can go back to posting somewhat
     regularly again. Thanks to everyone who is still here, waiting
     eagerly for an update. You guys rock! AND DEAN IS WHC CHAMP! I still
     can't believe it *wee*
                        Act Twenty-Four: birthday bear
Birthdays are always a huge thing at Cyberfights, which is why Seth can't wait
for Rome and Nattie's to come around because theirs mean that his is just
around the corner. And, despite the circumstances, he expects his first really
awesome party as well as the long awaited sex.
On the 25th they're having a little get-together for the Samoan, using the ring
to place all the gifts and obligatory cakes. Of course it's not really a
surprise for anyone anymore, but everyone still acts as if they have no clue
whatsoever when they walk into the performance center on their special day.
Rome does, so does Natalya two days later, and also Seth – his astonishment is
genuine though because he simply cannot believe that these people did all this
for him too. He's completely overwhelmed, can't quite grasp yet that this is
what birthdays should be celebrated like. Even his, since he is apparently just
as important as the others.
Dean is of course the one smiling the brightest and sometimes – when their
gazes meet while they're at different corners of the center – it's as if a
spotlight is directed at him and all his other friends fade to black. This
infatuation is not exactly healthy anymore but Seth couldn't care less.
At one point Hunter takes him aside, asking him if he gave his offer a thought.
Before he can panic, Dean puts an arm around his shoulder, poking their boss in
the chest while declaring that today is not the time for business talk. His
friend saved him from having to confront all the conflicting emotions that
shatter his soul into tiny pieces whenever he tries to come to a decision.
Hunter arches an eyebrow at them but nods, urging Seth to come to his office
sometime the next week, since they should start planning ahead. Seth can't
answer anything, his tongue completely numb. He hasn't even told anyone that he
enrolled in college and already has a dorm room – since he firmly believes that
he'll throw all that away in a heartbeat if Dean asks him to stay, like his
crush left it all behind for him. It feels necessary to have a plan B, though.
Not right, but comforting.
Since his birthday is on a Thursday he has two more days before his party at
home takes place. Even though he's no longer in contact with his family, he
can't call it off because his aunt Molly will come just for him – to finally
meet Dean – and his parents already warned him in a text message to throw his
crush into jail if Seth won't keep up the facade of the happy and functional
family.
He'd never have given in to their ridiculous demands if it weren't for Dean; he
is too scared they will somehow be able to go through and get away with their
threats. Dean has already sacrificed enough for him, no need to risk the
freedom he holds so dearly.
Thursday evening they return to their flat after the party at Cyberfights and
Seth marches over to the television, eager to install the WWE 2k15 game. Maybe
he'll even be able to convince Dean to fight him – this is the only chance he
will ever get to defeat the other in a wrestling match. Rome really gave him a
perfect gift. Man, turning eighteen was the best thing happening to him so far.
And the day isn't over yet.
Seth almost falls over the small table next to the couch when he looks at the
absolute mess that is Dean's kitchen. 'What the–?' he asks, wondering which
bomb exploded here. They didn't leave the apartment like this in the morning.
Dean blushes – he honest to God blushes and Seth has never seen anything cuter;
not even newborn puppies and kittens –, rubbing the back of his neck. 'I was
tryin' to make you cupcakes while you were at school. Thought it couldn't be
that hard.'
From the state of their kitchen, it must have been. Seth almost drops to his
knees when Dean holds out a weird looking muffin with a tiny lit candle in it.
'This's the only one that looks like it's supposed to.'
'You tried to bake for me?' he croaks out, a huge lump in his throat. He's
close to crying tears of joy and hugging his crush because that is so damn
sweet. Dean wears his trademark grin again, asking cheekily, 'Would it be rude
if I make you clean all that up?' He knows what this is: a distraction to
ensure Seth won't go all emotional on him, but he doesn't mind. Dean can't take
the lovely gesture back anymore.
'Nah,' he shrugs, matching his crush's smirk, 'not if you want to wake up to
all your white clothes suddenly being bright pink.' Dean looks at him, his
expression saying clearly like I'd mind, I can wear everything, demanding
instead, 'Blow it out, kiddo.'
Oh, he should know better than to give Seth an opening like this. 'Will you
blow me then?' Instead of throwing the cupcake right at his face to storm off
like Seth feared he would, Dean only stares at him for a few seconds, blinking
slowly before he nods impressed. 'Look at you, hot stuff. All grown up and
still so impatient.'
Seth beams, dropping the topic for the time being but they both know he'll only
get bolder from now on. So instead of forcing Dean to orally please him he
walks over to his friend and does as he was told, wishing in his mind for
birthday sex anyway. It's about time.
Since he can probably wait until he's eighty, despite the birthday muffin, Seth
takes matters in his own hands, sniffing at the cupcake and smelling chocolate
chips as well as vanilla. 'I have a proposition,' he announces, fingers
starting to shake slightly when Dean prompts, 'Shoot.'
They sit down on the couch together and Seth watches pleased how Dean grabs
himself a controller – both of them waiting for the game setup to complete.
Before he says anything he stuffs the cupcake into his mouth, buying himself
some time with closed eyes. After a few minutes of silence he's ready to speak
up. 'You insisted on us making out so our act was believable.' 'Yup,' comes the
instant reply, Dean scowling at the television screen because the PlayStation
needs so long to see the process through.
Uh-huh, try to pretend you only suggested that for our charade. But whatever,
they both wanted it, so who is he to point the finger at Dean? 'Shouldn't we
have some intercourse then too? You know, be prepared for anything.'
His crush starts laughing, holding his belly and wiping a crumb off Seth's
mouth to get a small piece of the cupcake too. Seth observes fascinated how the
baked dough disappears behind those very kissable lips and almost misses the
words coming out of them. 'You wanna bang on your parents' table with them
watching, or what? Who's gonna bear witness to you gettin' laid, hot stuff?'
Dang it. Funnily enough, logic is Dean's magic weapon. Alright, time to resort
to begging. 'It's my birthday.' Good one, Rollins. That has to work.
Dean hums approvingly, saying in this completely serious tone that's clearly
one giant mockery, 'Now that's a valid argument. What're we waitin' for? Get
naked.' He sighs, taking off his glasses to rub over his eyes tiredly. Can't
they just do it without having to argue about it first?
'I mean it,' he whispers, looking Dean square in the face. He's a bit taken
aback by the angered glint he finds in the other's blue eyes. Uh-oh, what wrong
thing did he say now? 'Then ask me, not your fake boyfriend or Mox.' Oh. Okay.
But hey, if this doesn't work then Seth will crash on the couch for the rest of
his stay here.
'I want to sleep with you,' he breathes, voice surprisingly steady even though
he feels like he'll combust at any second. If Dean denies his wish Seth's whole
world will fall apart. 'Why?' his friend asks in dead earnest and Seth can only
gape at him with his mouth slightly open. Uhm, isn't it obvious?
Because he has the hots for Dean and the other is his best friend, the person
he trusts the most on this world; because they share this deep, awesome bond
and there's no one else he'd rather call his boyfriend and Dean is his
soulmate. There are a million reasons why but all that Seth needs to say is the
following. 'Because you are everything I ever hopes for.'
His crush stays silent for way too long, studying him hard and inquisitive,
trying to find out if Seth is lying. He probably couldn't bear disappointing
yet another dear friend. The longer Dean refuses to speak, the more nervous
Seth gets. Should he have dropped the I love you bomb instead?
Instead of an answer, his friend just leans over and pushes him back on the
couch, coming closer until the tips of their noses touch. Seth barely dares to
breathe. Then Dean kisses him; very tentative at first, a bit probing too as if
he assesses how this feels like and if Seth maybe wants to take his words back.
He doesn't, he's not an idiot. So Dean throws caution in the wind and the kiss
turns passionate very fast.
Now they're finally getting somewhere. But before Seth has time to enjoy the
French kissing, Dean breaks it off, whispering against his lips, 'Why?'
His crush doesn't give him any time to respond – which is good since Seth has
no clue how the other expects his head to work in this situation –, giving him
another long kiss while deft fingers unbuckle his belt and open his fly. His
brain flies out of the window just as Dean stops coddling him, his mouth
hovering over Seth's so he can give him the demanded answer.
Never before has he had such a hard time to get his mind to function and his
vocal chords to do what they were made for. What was the question again? 'I
don't know,' he admits hastily, chasing Dean's lips with his own. Instead of
punishing Seth for his inability, his crush lets his fingers wander under his
shirt and with a little bit of Seth's help they take it off.
'Not good enough,' his friend chides him, tongue trailing down his throat and
collarbone to settle on his left nipple. Dean bites gently into it when Seth
doesn't come up with a fast enough reply. Is it so hard for Dean to believe
that someone just loves him unconditionally, with no catch?
The game has finally finished its installation and the blasting music fills his
ears; it's still not loud enough to cover up his breathy moans. 'Dean.' He has
no idea what he even wants to convey but it feels good letting the other's name
roll off his tongue, so he does it again. And again. And again.
'I hear ya.' Seems like his crush understood his senseless mumbling, moving
further down his body to peck his now slightly visible abs, traveling down his
happy trail, nose nuzzling against the skin and Seth can't stop shivering. Or
beaming. He didn't imagine his first time to be on a tiny couch with a
wrestling game soundtrack supporting them, but as long as Dean is here with
him, he doesn't mind.
Seth drapes his hands around Dean's head, torn between asking for a blow job or
sucking the air out of his crush's lungs while they finally have intercourse.
He settles for the latter; they still have all the time in the world for the
rest. Right now he just wants to look into Dean's crystal clear blue eyes and
see that warm, unguarded smile he dreamed of so often in the past few years.
Dean frees them of the rest of their clothes before slowly lying back down on
him to not crush him with his weight all at once, and Seth shudders when their
hot skin connects, running his hands eagerly over his crush's back. The other's
stubble scrapes over his chest and he giggles, legs automatically trapping Dean
between them.
'Don't keep me waiting,' he pleads, moving his hips to feel Dean's erection on
his own. He's done with that. Eighteen years are enough. Seth doesn't need any
romance stuff, all he wants is Dean. Inside of him. Now.
There's a low chuckle and Seth presses his ear against the shaved chest to hear
the bemused sound better. 'Don't get greedy, hot stuff. Lube and condom are in
the bedroom.' No, no, no. Who cares about that? They're here, having this
moment and Dean better not leave him high and dry on the couch.
He holds his crush back with all his might, murmuring hurriedly, 'I don't
mind.' It can't hurt that much without lubricant, right? And he yearns to feel
Dean, all parts of him, not a stupid condom.
His friend looks at him with a raised eyebrow, shaking his head slightly.
'Trust me, you'll want it. Both of it. Hold on,' he orders, waiting for Seth to
sling his arms around his neck, grabbing his buttocks to lift him up and carry
him to the bedroom. He can't suppress a giggle, feeling like a spider monkey,
not letting go of Dean even when they're on the bed and the other opens a
drawer to put on a condom and pour some glide gel on his fingers to help him
get used to the feeling of something inside of him.
Dean takes his sweet time preparing him with a lazy smirk on his lips and as
awesome as this is, he really is that impatient, wants the other to finally
come to the good part. He gets impossibly restless, though Dean's fingers are a
more than adequate substitute for the dildo he sometimes used. Nothing compared
to the real thing though.
A whole eternity later the big moment has finally arrived and Dean eases
himself into Seth, a loud gasp escaping his lips. He immediately bites on his
bottom lip, remembering vividly how his friend once said he doesn't like his
sex partners screaming out their pleasure at the top of their lungs.
Dean shows him that it's fine – probably since this is his first time – by
kissing him hard, adjusting his rhythm to Seth's because he isn't able to keep
his pelvis under control. He's way too eager but he guesses it's okay. After
all, he finally got granted his biggest wish: having his first time with the
man he's been head over heels for four years.
He never dared to dream that one day his fantasy would come true, but waiting
for this, saving himself for Dean was definitely worth it. His crush lets Seth
control the kisses now, doesn't even draw back when he's a tiny bit too
overzealous, tearing the other's bottom lip open.
Seeing the blood trickle down Dean's jaw only turns him on even more and he
guides one of his crush's hands to his boner, holding it there so they can jerk
him off together. Dean leans down to him – the sound of skin pummeling against
skin fills his head completely, making him feel featherlight; the only anchor
to reality is Dean's hand on his dick and the love of his life being inside of
him –, whispering amused, 'When I said keep your hands to yourself, I didn't
mean that.'
What?
Seth opens his eyes – okay, when did he close them? He can't even remember
doing that –, staring at the bulge in his underwear and the fingers cupping it,
dark, wet stains telling their own story. And if he turns his head to the
right, there's Dean, lying in bed, head propped on his hand, his lips wearing
the most beautiful, amused smirk on earth.
God freaking dammit. He should have declined the offer to sleep in the bed with
Dean while staying here. This is the second time this has happened and Seth can
already tell there will be more. 'I'm so sorry,' he mumbles ashamed, not trying
to hide his mishap under the blanket because it's too late for that and his
friend would never allow him to make a big deal out of this.
Dean waves it off, yawning, ''s not like I never woke up with a boner.' But he
surely didn't come in his pants. 'This is so humiliating. However, I need to
know. What of it was real?' Please, his crush has to tell him that they at
least made out and there was a valid reason for him to masturbate while being
asleep.
His friend throws a confused glance at him before he shrugs. It's really
nothing dramatic for him but Seth wishes the ground would open up and swallow
him whole. 'Dunno what you fantasized about but you dozed off after you inhaled
my cupcake, with the game installation underway. I carried you to bed and you
refused to release me again, trapping me in a bear hug. Oh, 'n you talk in your
sleep.'
Of course. Having those realistic dreams is obviously not bad enough. No. Seth
Rollins always makes sure to go the extra mile. Must be a family trait. 'Every
night?' he asks dreadful, his body screaming run away because he doesn't even
want to hear the answer. He'd rather crawl into a hole and cry forever.
Sure, he's had wet dreams before but he never woke up jacking himself off. Is
he really that desperate?
'Just during the interesting ones,' Dean mumbles, getting comfortable again
once the initial horror has left Seth's system. 'Nightmares, dreams about me.
Especially those. Verbal diarrhea.'
'Stop,' Seth begs, not able to take any more. Almost every night the other is
in his dreams which means he's spilled everything and that's probably the
reason Dean is so reserved. Because Seth is way too straight-forward and
demanding and his friend feels like it's all going too fast for him. He doesn't
want Seth to be the one thing in his life he will regret.
His cheeks burn when he catches Dean's wolfish grin and he's eternally grateful
that the other doesn't look at him anymore. 'You didn't ask me that in your
dream, so why should I listen to ya now?'
Seth sighs loudly, annoyed, because his boner will never disappear if Dean
keeps turning him on. And because this time he really thought it was all real.
It felt like it was indeed happening. But seems like not even him turning legal
could change Dean's mind.
'At least dream-you knows how to please me,' he mutters petulantly, though he
can't stop feeling embarrassed by himself. He should have more self-control
than that. Ever since he's living here, he hasn't seen his crush having a hard-
on because of him. Not once. It's driving him insane.
'Should keep an eye on him then.' Dean grins broadly, not willing to let Seth
turn this into an earnest conversation. At moments like this, he fears his
crush will never be ready. What is the other waiting for? If only he knew, so
Seth could give him a sign – though he thinks he's made himself pretty clear in
the past. Maybe Roman recently did so too and Dean doesn't want to hurt someone
he holds dear by turning them down.
Since all has already gone to shit anyway, he can retort, 'Or you can take care
of me yourself.' It's not even surprising him anymore that Dean immediately
retreats emotionally – it only hurts Seth immensely –, whispering almost a bit
scared, 'Easy there, kiddo.'
Will he ever get out of the friend zone?
But, as long as he's still in it, he can ask for something else. 'A hug then?'
Seth knows Dean needs time and even if it's going on his nerves he understands
that the other is not as sure about his feelings as Seth is. At least he feels
better thinking it's just that because he can't handle the thought of Dean not
loving him back.
'Go clean yourself up first.' Fair enough. There's not much else he can do
anyway. So he climbs awkwardly out of bed and quickly washes himself after
getting rid of his business because he doesn't want to go back with an
erection. When he reenters the bedroom, he finds his friend sleeping soundly.
Perfect. Seriously though, what did he expect in the middle of the night after
it took him ages to finish up?
So he says to himself screw it and cuddles up to his crush, using him as the
small spoon, buzzing lightly, 'One way to elude me. Smart you.' He must have
woken Dean up from his slumber when he hugged him close, because his friend
drowsily replies, 'Still got dream-me.'
With a painfully fast beating heart, he keeps his mouth closed until his crush
is resting deeply in his arms to whisper against the back of Dean's neck, 'I'm
so glad and thankful you are a part of my life. I don't care that you keep me
waiting as you have your reasons. Sorry for pushing you to come to a final
decision. It's just– I wouldn't know what to do without you. Please, please
don't abandon me.'
***** Chapter 25 *****
Chapter Summary
     He never thought someone could stoop so low, yet here he is,
     confronted with his new worst nightmare.
Chapter Notes
     The unbelievable happened. I finally managed to edit the next
     chapter... I'm so sorry. I really am. But life continues to be crappy
     as hell.
                    Act Twenty-Five: the jocks strike back
That he jizzed his underwear while Dean was right there, watching his every
move with hawk-like eyes, was downright horrifying. During breakfast he had
barely been able to look his friend in the eyes. Dean though made one very
tender joke about it and laughed it off, dropping the matter as if he has to
deal with immature fanboys every day of his life.
Which he kind of does, since Seth lives together with him.
However, that is not as bad as knowing he will have to see his family on the
weekend. Not only that though; he has to spend two days at the place he once
foolishly called home. The thought alone makes him sick. He hasn't talked to
them yet, only read their birthday message – or threat, to be more precise –
and Dean encouraged him to stay strong. He promised to never leave his side and
that this time, they would deliver the final blow, if Seth is ready to cut all
ties with his family. And believe him, he is. Has been ever since they thought
they could make him their prisoner.
Sadly, all that combined is still nothing compared to what awaits him at school
on Friday. Seth has been dreading the jock's revenge ever since he punched
Grant in the face; he just never imagined them to go this far. He had prepared
himself to get beaten up every day next week – as some kind of special
graduation gift – or that they would make fun of Dean and their relationship in
some immature, painful way.
What he sees when he walks into the school building in the morning though hurts
him so much that, for a second, he can't breathe, struggling to hold back the
tears. He doesn't particularly mind everyone pointing at him, laughing their
butts off, insulting him as loud as they can. Seth got used to that years ago.
What Grant and his friends achieved is, by far, the worst thing someone has
ever done to him. Every cell of his body aches and he fears he will never be
able to smile again. Seth doesn't cry – which is little short of a miracle –,
just keeps on walking through school with his head held high even though every
minute he has to spend here, he dies some more on the inside.
He never thought someone could stoop so low, yet here he is, confronted with
his new worst nightmare.
Somehow he makes it through the whole day without running in front of a bus or
having an anxiety attack; taking one of the flyers with him after school, not
able to touch the rest too. Maybe the janitor will get rid of them and if they
are still there on Monday, then so be it. It's not like he could erase that out
of everyone's memories anymore. The damage is already done.
Grant and his entourage probably wanted him to run through the building in a
frenzy, trying to rip the colored sheets of paper off the walls, lockers and
doors. But Seth knows when he has lost and he won't give anyone the
satisfaction of showing them they finally managed to break him.
As soon as he walks into Cyberfights he feels his chest tightening around his
ribs, a huge lump in his throat making it hard to talk. His eyes burn terribly
and all he wishes to do is close them forever. Take the elevator to the rooftop
and jump down, so that his pathetic existence, all of this, ends. He is tired
of fighting.
Seth is barely able to nod at Summer Rae, dashing past her and to his office as
fast as he can. He feels bad for ignoring her, but he can't bear anyone looking
at him anymore. Not when all he sees in his mind are those embarrassing flyers
plastered all over his high school.
So far, being eighteen sucks. And this is just day two.
'Who pissed in your cereals?' Dean greets him with his usual carefree smirk –
apparently having waited for him – and Seth breathes relieved before anger and
shame reclaim him. He doesn't make it to his chair, just shuts the door and
sags down to the floor, pulling his knees close to hug himself while kicking
his backpack towards his friend so he can see for himself.
Dean frowns but opens it, taking out the pink flyer and everything freezes as
soon as his crush understands what he is holding in his hands. The smile Seth
loves to see so much dies in the fraction of a second, making way for disbelief
and unrestrained wrath.
'This a joke?' his crush grits out, sounding beyond pissed and ready to
straight up murder someone. That is something Seth always has liked so much
about Dean. That he considers Seth as someone he wants to protect at all costs
and if he gets hurts, there is no force on earth that can stop Dean from
executing his revenge. No one gets to bring Seth pain, not on Dean's watch.
And still, it happened today in the worst way possible.
'I wish,' he whispers, his hoarse voice sounding weird even to his own ears.
It's crystal clear he has given up, that he is at a very dangerous place right
now and Dean knows he might be the only one who can stop him from doing
something stupid. 'They're all over school.'
He rests his forehead on his knees, no longer able to look into those deep blue
eyes that show that Dean aches just as much as Seth. He shivers, convinced he
won't ever get warm again. Not even in the Californian heat. 'I feel so
violated, so dirty. Like this is my fault.'
Dean jumps up and sits down on the floor next to him, hugging Seth with his
strong arms that always make him feel safe. Warm breath ghosts over his ear
when Dean whispers vehemently, 'This is not your fault. It's a felony;
contribution of pornography. Did you report it?'
Felony. Pornography. Those words make his head spin and Seth is sure he is
going to empty his stomach because this thing inside of him needs to leave. He
stays where he is, swallowing down bile, tears and desperation alike. That Dean
is on his side means so much to him. It's everything, especially since he is
about to say farewell to his parents and siblings soon.
Seth shakes his head, feeling Dean's cheek press itself against his temple when
he sighs, 'Why bother? Grant's dad donates a lot of money to our school each
year and Patrick's father has a seat on the board. Everyone will cover this
incident up and once our graduation is over no one will waste much thought on
it anymore.' He would be running against a brick wall trying to defeat them.
Seth should have known that he was never meant to win this war. By dragging
Dean into this mess he only made it worse. All of this got so out of hand and
now Grant and his dumb, mindless minions put him in checkmate. It is over.
'I won't let them get away with this,' Dean promises in Jon Moxley's serial
killer voice and Seth gets chills all over his body. Never cross Dean Ambrose.
He might be a softie, but boy, piss him off once and you can dig your own
grave.
But not even his crush can win against a family that solves every problem with
money. He knows how this works from his own home. So Seth lifts his head to
smile at Dean, already playing this whole matter down by shrugging, 'I have
starred on porn movies; no big deal, right?'
Dean only stares at him as if Seth has lost his mind, mouth pressed into a thin
line to not let out any words he would regret until he's back to having
coherent thoughts.
It's painfully obvious that his friend won't let this matter go that easily.
And he will not allow Seth to simply give up either. 'You ain't a porn actor.
Seth, this is different. People taking pictures of you in the shower without
your knowledge or consent and hanging those photos up all over a public
building against your will is different. That's a crime, and this won't change
just cause you ignore it.'
Why can't Dean understand his point of view? Ratting out Grant would only
result in another horrible act of revenge and Seth isn't sure how much more he
is able to take. It's not even a lie when he mutters crestfallen, 'I don't want
to make a big deal out of it.'
Dean sighs and tucks a strand of hair behind Seth's ear, gently bumping their
foreheads together. 'No one ever does. Don't let them treat you like that.'
'What good would it do?' he sighs, taking in the alluring scent of a freshly
showered somewhat fake boyfriend. 'After next week I won't see them again.'
Heaven help him if he ever intends to go to a reunion. He will even allow Dean
to lock him up, should he so much as breathe the wish.
'Don't act like you deserve that; like it doesn't bother you at all,' his
friend chides him, two fingers lifting his jaw so they can look each other in
the eyes. Dean's voice is all conspiratorial when he whispers, 'Tell me what
you'd like to do to them.'
Oh, his crush wants him to explore his darker side? After a day like this,
there is a lot of darkness just waiting to be unleashed. His own words still
surprise him when he barks, 'Cut off their dicks and feed them to rabid dogs.'
Maybe then they would understand the pain he had to endure today and the shame
that is going to cling to his skin for the rest of his life.
Dean doesn't laugh about his immature remark, but he does cock his head and
bumps their noses together as some kind of solace. 'Okay,' his friend chuckles,
winking at him, 'something less Hannibal Lecter and more, whatshisname, Stiles
Stiliwhatever. I have nothin' against some morally dubious shit but let's try
to keep us outta jail.'
Right, Dean has already been there; Seth tends to forget that little fact. Not
because he wants to delete that part of Dean's life out of his memory but
because he is too afraid that his parents will somehow find a way to send him
back in – and it would be Seth's fault. He could never live with that
knowledge.
Fine, then he will think of something less murderous even though he would love
nothing more than to inflict eternal emotional and physical pain on his
adversaries. It might show in his next ideas. 'Put NAIRE in their shampoo, set
their houses on fire, make them believe they are terminally ill, kidnap their
pets, cut their throats open.'
There's a gentle, impressed smile on Dean's lips yet he doesn't give into
Seth's darkest wishes, suggesting, 'Tone down your inner Moriarty, hot stuff.
Though I gotta admit, I like this new side of ya. Kinda sexy. Anyway, I got a
better idea. What type of girls does this Grant dig?'
'Huh?' he says very eloquently, mind tripping over Dean relishing in the bad
cop inside of him. He should file that away under possible ways to seduce his
crush. For now though, Seth's whole body deflates, the fight leaving him as he
ponders over Dean's last words. What has Grant's interest in women to do with
Seth getting payback?
'Here, at Cyberfights,' Dean prods, the two fingers under his chin
disappearing, so one of them can boop him. What an adorable goof. 'Who would he
love to get blown by?'
Ugh, that is something Seth has never spared a thought at and he is quite proud
of being able to say so. But Dean is looking at him with this expectant
expression, so he ignores the jab in his chest when he recalls the image of the
bully and what he overheard all the times they didn't realize he was in the
same room as them.
It's easy to narrow down, since most of the women working here are in a long-
lasting relationship and thus way too old for Grant's liking. 'Paige, I guess,'
he muses, ruling out Emma since she is too cute and Summer Rae because she is
way too tall. Plus, they both don't have the right accent. 'He always brags
about banging their British au pair.'
Dean hums, arching his eyebrows for a second, as if he considers her feminine
charms for the first time in his life. It's really relieving that Seth doesn't
feel a pang of jealousy; maybe he is on a good way and this has nothing to do
with Dean being mainly focused on male partners. 'Paige, huh? She's perfect.'
'Perfect for what?' he asks suspiciously, only now realizing that Dean is
serious about this. Whatever it is. Even though he's grinning from ear to ear,
his eyes give his crush away. Dean seems so furious on Seth's behalf, he's
hurting for both of them. His friend wants retribution, itches to avenge Seth
and show Grant that no one messes with his boy. This isn't his pretend
boyfriend trying to protect him. It's his best friend Dean, the man he loves
with every fiber of his being and who has some kind of feelings for him too,
flipping his lid because someone dared to maltreat him.
Dean's mean smirk gives him goosebumps if he is being completely honest. There
is way too much Jon Moxley shining through, even though he was the one who said
they should not turn into Gotham's finest villains.
'She'll seduce him,' his friend proposes, 'promise him a blow job. He'll get
one, but not from her.' Oh. Compromising pictures and all that. An eye for an
eye; very biblical.
'Smart,' he nods, not quite sure if he likes the idea or not. 'And who do you
have in mind for the dirty deed?' Please, don't let Dean say he will do it
himself. It would kill him if Grant of all people would get more action than
Seth, the one who has been pining over Dean for the past few years.
'Dolph,' his crush immediately eases his worries, sitting back straight against
the door, only his thigh still touching Seth. Oddly enough, it is enough to
keep him grounded. Even when Dean reveals, 'He's really good at it.' That is
another one of those things Seth never wanted to hear. He can live without this
knowledge just perfectly fine. 'And he'd help us get back at them. Especially
once we tell him why we wanna do it.'
Seth isn't able to fight it, he panics instantly. Dean can't truly consider
talking about today's events to anyone else, not even if they are part of the
plan. 'Don't show him the flyer,' he begs, his throat tightening around the
words. It was hard enough to let Dean into this and he is the person Seth
trusts the most. No one else should see a naked Seth under the shower, his
privacy no longer sacred and his genitals the cause of a new high school meme.
'No way,' Dean says, voice only showing the slightest hints of disappointment.
'I'd never do that to you.' Yes, he knows and he feels terrible for doubting
his friend for just a single second but he has been through hell today and Seth
has a hard time understanding how Grant and his minions could do this to him.
His only consolation is that school ends in a few days and he doesn't ever have
to go back there.
An arm sneaks around his shoulders and Dean pulls him into a hug, once again
saying more with his actions than his words, calming Seth in a heartbeat. He is
not really on board with this plan, but on the other hand, he has no better
idea either. Dean knows what he is doing and if Paige and Dolph are in, then he
guesses it's okay?
There is only one stipulation he has. 'We won't do what Grant did.' They will
not distribute any pictures. Seth refuses to be as tasteless as Grant and his
entourage. Being the better human is the one thing that helped him survive
their torment during high school and he won't lose this part of him too.
Dean ruffles through his hair, smiling brightly, no trace of Jon Moxley left.
'We'll only let him sweat, promise. Pretend to have something to blackmail him
for life. We're not really making pictures but he doesn't need to know, right?
He'll never dare to even think of you again, let alone wound you.'
This still sounds absurd and highly illegal but Seth is amazed that Dean would
indeed go to jail for him – just like everyone at Cyberfights, especially
Roman, feared he would. He must mean a great deal to his crush. 'You would
really do that for me?'
He has to ask, just to hear the other say the words he is longing for. Dean's
smile turns gentle and he cups Seth's cheeks, once more making eye contact.
'Actually, it'll be Dolph and Paige doin' the dirty work.' Oh. That is not what
he meant. Thankfully, his crush isn't done yet. 'But I'd die for you, you hear
me? I'd do anything for ya.'
Now this is what he was talking about. Some kind of commitment Seth can work
with. He also realizes belatedly that this is the moment. After all this time,
it has finally arrived. And if he doesn't say it now, there won't be another
chance. 'I lo–'
Dean won't even let him finish, jumping up and wiping the dust from his pants,
voice a tad too shrill when he interrupts his confession; that took him all of
his courage, by the way. 'Let's go talk to Dodo– ha, see what I did there?'
How can he be so proud of that joke, though it is a bit funny comparing their
friend to the extinct, not very bright bird, when Seth just wanted to declare
his love because he was a hundred percent sure Dean would have no other choice
than to finally say it back? That's what perfect moments are for, aren't they?
God, this is so Dean Ambrose; annoying and endearing at the same time. That his
best friend walks out of the room, leaving behind a bewildered Seth however,
isn't so awesome. All this touching and plotting and I'd die for you and in the
end he is still sitting alone on the ground, the door Dean used to push him out
of the way during his frantic flight hurting his lower back.
This just had to happen, after the crappy day he already had. Seth should have
known better. But with Dean being all touchy-feely he thought he could give it
a try. After all, there must come a time his friend won't turn into dust when
it gets serious.
Seth stands up too, grumbling lowly, 'Someone has an aversion to hear I love
you. Let me guess. It's still too early, I'm not ready, hot stuff.' The usual
blah blah Dean uses to fob Seth off with.
He never thought Dean was still lurking outside, listening to his tiny
outburst, so when his crush comes back, looking him dead on in the eyes, he
startles Seth, scaring him to death. There might even have been a shriek coming
out of his mouth.
'Damn right, kiddo,' Dean barks, composing himself very fast though to say a
bit more civilized, 'You'll know when I am.' Yeah, Seth has heard that broken
record a million times already. He can tell right now that Dean will probably
be finally ready on his deathbed. But what can he do, other than twist his
thumbs and trust Dean to not abandon him out of the blue or choosing Roman
instead of him?
***** Chapter 26 *****
Chapter Summary
     'Dude, I'm gonna take you to all the places.'
Chapter Notes
     Yo, remember me? Remember this fic? So, turns out I'm even slower
     than I expected and there's no new apology I can offer you (it's all
     still the same shit dragging me down). But here I am, with a slightly
     longer chapter than usual. Hope you like it and that you had some
     great holidays <3
     Warning (for those who need it): Seth's family has a huge role in
     this chapter. So proceed with caution.
                          Act Twenty-Six: family ties
Their two co-workers agreed instantly to Dean's plan – they didn't even ask for
the why, just trusted them that Grant deserved it. Paige even hugged Seth,
stating she would do anything for her little pumpkin and that this was way
better than how she wanted to spend her weekend.
Seth is still not entirely sure he is doing the right thing but he told them
where to find his tormentor on a Saturday night, so they could execute the plan
while he is forced to go home for the first time since he ran away to deal with
his uptight family.
He is so nervous to go back but at the same time he's deeply satisfied that
someone shows Grant what it's like to be fooled and treated like trash.
Normally he wouldn't do this but Dean is somewhat right; Seth needs to show
he's done eating shit and that he will end this emotional abuse with a bang.
For four years he never even spared a thought about fighting back until his
crush showed him that he's much stronger than he thinks and that he is also
allowed to stand his ground.
It's not exactly his style – not just because he has never tried it – but maybe
that's how it is supposed to be. Just once. This won't make him a bad person,
will it? Well, that maybe won't, but what he is about to do to his family
might.
Dean holds his hand while he unlocks the door of his parents' home with shaky
fingers, giving him all the moral support he needs. He can't think about Grant
and what will happen to him tonight anymore or else he won't be able to stay on
his guard around his ignorant family, so he pushes that out of his mind while
turning to Dean to hear him say that all will be fine and that his friends know
where they have to draw the line. He does not want any of this to backfire too.
'Think everything works out?' he whispers, his level of nervousness rising
immensely. Dean grins jovially and claps Seth gently on the cheek, murmuring,
'Dodo and Paige know what they're doin', so stop worrying. We can blow it off
if you don't wanna do this. No shame in that, hot stuff.'
Seth breathes relieved because that was what his body yearned to hear as his
heart is beating faster as if to say no, do it, we have suffered for so long.
Time to return the favor. His brain though screams to stop this before it's
going down. 'Yes. No.' He tears at his hair, hating his own indecisiveness. 'I
don't know.'
It feels like he is giving up a part of himself should he go through with this.
Even though Dolph and Paige swore to not take any actual pictures, they still
intend to deceive Grant. Seth wants his bully to feel the same kind of pain and
shame he had to endure on school yesterday but at the same time he doesn't wish
that upon his worst enemy. Why are things so complicated if they should be
easy?
Dean hesitates and lowers his gaze, lips pressed together tightly, the grip
around his fingers loosening. Seth can feel that his crush retreats to a place
he can't follow even before Dean says determined, 'You're right.' There is no
way to get his friend back from where he just went, so he sighs and puts the
key back in his pants, just to take them out again and separate the house key
from all the others, in order to leave it behind tonight. He is done with his
family and he wants them to see it.
'About what?' he still asks against his better knowledge, trying to give his
crush an encouraging smile but it is useless. Dean lets go of him and walks a
few steps back. A wave of anxiety surges through him but then Seth realizes
it's not to bail on him but to signal him they shouldn't go inside just yet.
Dean wants to clear this up before they have to put on their game faces. 'This
ain't you, it's me. I don't want you to ever become like that. I'll call it
off.'
It hurts to hear Dean talk about himself like that, voice full of hatred and
disdain. It's the biggest step backwards Dean has done since Seth met him all
these months ago at Lita's. You are perfect the way you are – with all your
little flaws. 'But–'
He doesn't get a chance to say anything, only watches stupefied how Dean takes
out his phone while urging Seth inside, shushing him successfully. 'No,' his
friend grits out through clenched teeth, 'I never should've– it's all my
fault.'
Something is going on with Dean, something really bad, and Seth has no idea how
to stop it. Let alone what exactly it is that is bothering him. 'Dean?' he
queries, voice barely louder than the humming of the fridge in the kitchen. His
fingers are trembling, an irrational fear of losing Dean taking his breath
away. He wants to say don't leave me here but the words fail him.
In a moment of utter despair he grabs Dean's hand again, wanting to make sure
the other will stay. Not just now, but forever. How come this feels like an all
or nothing situation? Dean though shakes his head and lets go of Seth,
distancing himself not only physically but also emotionally. Their friendship
just took a wrong turn and Seth doesn't know why it happened; it feels like
something vital just cracked and there's no way to fix this.
'Dean, talk to me,' he begs, the lump in his throat getting bigger with each
shaky exhale. Panic causes his whole system to overload and for the first time
in his life, Seth doesn't know how to even move a muscle, how to go on, to
exist. It feels like his very core, his soul so to speak, got ripped from him
and there was no way to prevent it because Seth didn't even see it coming.
One moment they were fine, about to get some payback – show the school bullies
and his family that he is worth much more than they could ever fathom – and the
next second Dean is slipping through his fingers. Because he thinks he dragged
Seth into the abyss with him? He just doesn't understand.
His crush holds up his index finger and makes a call, muttering urgently,
'Don't do it.' For some unknown reason Seth can feel a weight falling off his
shoulders as he listens to Dean calling back the Hellhounds Dolph and Paige.
His closest friend holds his gaze with Seth while he says the next words,
making sure he gets to hear all of it, 'I want him to stay pure, he's so much
better than this. Sorry for the trouble. Yeah, drinks are on me, but don't you
dare order anything fancy.'
Pure. Better than this.The Dean Ambrose code for I'm a worthless piece of shit
who almost forced you to make the mistake of your life, who was about to ruin
you forever. Why can't Dean see that there's as much darkness in Seth than in
any other person too? Or that Dean always shines the brightest, even in the
gloomiest hours?
Standing in his former home, with familiar smells threatening to overwhelm him
and a pretend boyfriend who still looks at him dispassionately is enough to
drive him to the edge of an anxiety attack. Dean and his weird behavior are
scaring him to death. 'Don't abandon me,' he whispers breathlessly, not able to
keep the trepidation out of his voice.
And then the colors come back, the sounds of the people in the house get
louder, life pieces itself back together when Dean pulls Seth close, embracing
him in a comforting hug, lips brushing over his temples when he promises, 'I
won't. 'm here. I'll always be.'
Seth just stand there, taking in Dean's calming scent, the dread pooling in his
gut slowly starting to dissipate, but a tiny bit refuses to leave, making him
edgy. He knows he was so close to losing it all and he never wants to
experience this again. Dean needs to know it, no matter what Roman is thinking
or feeling, he can no longer wait with this.
'I love you.'
It's not surprising anymore that Dean tenses immediately but Seth sighs
alleviated when he still won't let go of him. He would love to see Dean's face
now – even though he can perfectly imagine the grim, slightly confused
expression – but he gets no chance to. An outraged cough interrupts anything
that could have been and together they turn around to look at his mother. She
just had to kill the mood. The one time Dean was open and vulnerable enough to
maybe not walk away. He is never going to hear those three words coming out of
his crush's mouth.
'Not in my house,' the witch hisses furiously, as if Seth just stripped down to
his underwear to give Dean a lap dance. It is downright shocking she doesn't
have a foamy mouth when she further barks out, 'You won't ever repeat those
words.'
Oh, so she's not worried about them standing body to body in her hallway but
about him confessing his feelings to his one true love? Worst mother ever. He
blinks once, twice, his brain suddenly as quiet as Dean. All the voices in his
head have gone silent, too disappointed about a mother neglecting her own child
in the most important moments of their life. His mouth though knows exactly
what to do.
'I love him,' he repeats, steadier this time, his chest swelling with pride,
happiness and determination. Also a bit of satisfaction because he finally
could tell Dean what is really going on inside of him. No more beating around
the bush. He can do everything Roman can do too.
'I love him,' he says once more while walking up to her, voice rising with each
syllable. 'I love him.' His mother glares at him, the blatant disgust and
hatred evident in both their matching brown eyes, and all of a sudden there's a
tiny voice ringing out, cutting their staring contest short.
The weak whisper reaches his ears and Seth thinks he can almost feel Dean's
heart tripping over itself when the words fall off the walls, 'I– I love you
too.'
Seth's mouth drops open and he whips his head around – his neck cracking
loudly. He didn't just– Is this real? Dean looks like he's about to dash out of
the room and as far away as he can any second now but, miraculously, he stays
right where he is, conquering his instincts. For the first time it is fight
instead of flight.
His friend twists his mouth as if he's never before said those words to anybody
and is not quite sure now if it feels good or was a grave mistake. Seth wants
to ask if this admission was part of their fake boyfriend act, something to
drive his parents further up the wall, but he can't, since his mother is still
standing there, bristling with rage.
His crush's mask slips back on – or he just continues his act, Seth can't tell
– the instant the doorbell rings, announcing the arrival of more guests. His
mother pushes him into the pompously decorated dining room while he looks back
at Dean who stays in the hallway for a few more heartbeats before he shakes off
whatever was bugging him and keeps his promise to never leave Seth alone.
Since Dean is in perfect boyfriend mode, Seth soon files the love confession
under pretense with a heavy heart and a loud sigh that gets drowned out by the
mindless chattering of his relatives. He's thought about it as he was shaking
hands and enduring kisses on the cheeks that are as fake as his mother's love,
but no matter how genuine Dean sounded, he's still a brilliant actor and his
alleged sexual partner, so Seth reasons that it was another way to tick his
mother off. One that worked wonders, if the death glares she throws at them are
anything to go by.
Still, a tiny part of him keeps on hoping for the impossible. Seth somehow
believes that this was the first true love confession Dean has ever made, so he
plans on broaching the subject again as soon as they will be alone in his
bedroom later. Or possibly back in Los Angeles, since he would bet all of his
money on his parents not wanting Dean in their house, ordering him to come back
early in the morning, so it appears as if they spent the night here together.
It's all about keeping the facade of a picture perfect family alive.
How was he able to deal with that for seventeen years without jumping off the
roof?
His parents must have come up with a strategy beforehand, keeping Dean busy the
whole evening, asking him for help in the kitchen – even though they'd rather
drink acid than let him touch anything – so he won't spend too much time with
their son or the elite family. Seth sometimes sees them snarl at his crush,
probably threatening with jail again but Dean looks weirdly lost in thoughts.
He just stands there, back leaned against the wall, beer untouched in his
hands, gaze far in the distance. His friend only switches back into his role
whenever he carries another plate into the room.
See? This just proves it. Dean is a perfect actor, regardless of whether he
honed his skills in an adult movie company or not. And that's exactly what
bothers Seth the most. He can never be sure Dean tells him the truth, though he
hopes that his crush would never lie to him. Not about something so important.
He really would love to know what's going on in that pretty head, but before
Seth gets a chance to drag Dean to the side and have a quick, enlightening
talk, Samuel demeans himself to appear on his birthday party, barging through
the door as if he owns this place and the whole atmosphere shifts in the blink
of an eye. If there was bottomless hatred directed at Dean before, it now
turned into bloodlust.
The feeling is quite mutual, as Seth can very well see when he turns his gaze
towards the most complicated person he has ever met.
'Sammy, we meet at least.' Dean's wearing a cold smile and his steely blue eyes
carry no warmth whatsoever, but his voice is so sickeningly sweet that a cold
shower runs up and down Seth's spine. His crush doesn't fake any of this, he
really detests Sam.
His brother grimaces, obviously appalled by Dean having the audacity to talk to
him, but he keeps his tone friendly anyway. After all, there are guests
watching them. Every Rollins knows how to beguile even their own blood. It's
skeevy and pathetic at the same time. 'Can't say I'm as delighted as you.'
Dean takes the offered hand after watching it hanging in midair for a while and
pulls Sam close to snarl as loud as he can without yelling, 'Don't take my
smile for delight. I heard ya called me nothin' more than a male whore.' Holy
cow, Dean just dropped the bomb without giving Seth a heads-up. Seems like
Sammy just got under his skin so much that he lost himself in the heat of the
moment. Seth can relate to that.
He can't say he doesn't relish in the following stunned silence and the
realization that dawns on a few of his relatives as they finally understand
that Dean hadn't been joking at that party in La Jolla. It's interesting, as
well as bittersweet, that most of them look grossed out, even though they had
been prattling pleasantly with his friend just a few minutes ago, welcoming him
in their secret, posh circle with open arms.
If this wouldn't be so sad, Seth would laugh about it. So much for their
credibility and we're happy as long as Sethie is. What a bunch of hypocrites
and liars.
Dean couldn't care less about the animosity directed at him – he is probably
used to worse –, further concentrating on Seth's brother. 'That's not very
nice, Sammy. I'm not a hooker, I'm a porn wrestler. But you're right about one
thing, I do fuck people for a living. Easy money, bro. Youshould know, you got
an account at Cyberfights too.'
Dean winks at Sam whose face turns bright red – fury and embarrassment fighting
for the upper hand. His older brother opens his mouth to most likely stutter
something about Seth stealing his credit card but who would not doubt it deep
down? Seth already had his coming out and Dean never hid anything either. He
has been telling the truth all along, so why should he start lying now? Though
his parents will probably twist things around again once they're gone, making
the black sheep of the family the culprit of this conspiracy. Can't have any
bad light shining on their beloved firstborn.
Before his brother's head can explode, someone interrupts the death match and
Seth can't help but grin when he sees his aunt Molly step through the crowd and
walk up to his friend to embrace a completely startled Dean in her arms. 'I
don't care what you do for a living as long as you treat Seth with the utmost
respect.'
Dean doesn't hug her back, but his tender smile returns when he looks down at
her. He really doesn't like to be touched by people – the only exceptions are
Roman and Seth, as it would seem. 'Always.' Aw, look at that. His favorite
person on earth bonding with his surrogate mother.
'Aunt Molly,' he yells excited, hugging her overjoyed to make up for Dean being
as stiff as a poker. The weekend just got a lot better after starting in the
most horrible way ever. 'Dean, I've told you about my aunt from Davenport.'
His friend's whole face lights up – undoubtedly because he remembers all the
stories Seth has told him about his time in Iowa – and he beams at Molly; for
the first time since he called off the arrangement with Dolph and Paige being
completely himself again. 'Thank you, ma'am. You did everything right raising
this fine young man.'
Oho, what a low blow. Right in his parents' face. This is so awesome,
especially because it is definitely not part of the game. It's Dean simply
speaking his mind and on top of everything, it shames his parents because it
heavily implies they didn't care about their own child at all. Which is exactly
what happened.
Seth can't stop smiling at his friend anymore, feeling pretty invincible for
once. If Grant would be here, he'd punch him in his million dollar face for
treating him like the dirt under his shoes for the longest time. Anything is
possible with Dean by his side.
Molly chuckles, gracing Seth with a kiss on the cheek. 'No, he always had a
good heart, but thank you. I had the time of my life with him, he's a real
sweetheart.' Would they stop praising him? He hates being in the center of
everyone's attention, even though their words are balm for his wounded soul.
'I'm Dean, Miss Holly.' There are a few abashed coughs behind Seth but neither
of them cares. He only watches fascinated how Dean offers his aunt a hand to
properly introduce himself, as if he didn't just shock the whole Rollins clan
with the admission that he is a porn star. Dean really knows how to push the
right buttons of people and how to completely blindside them – be it friend or
foe. Seth can sing a song about this, as he's still reeling from the love
confession that may or may not have been sincere.
'Call me Molly,' his aunt replies happily, skipping the handshake to cup Dean's
cheek, showing her gratitude for everything he has done for Seth with the
simple gesture. 'I have to admit, once he told me about you, I had to see you
in action. Very impressive. I understand why Seth fell for you. Oh, can I just
add how much I love the screen time Gixley has? Their chemistry is fantabulous.
And the slow build is just mmh.'
Seth suppresses the giggle that wants to escape his lips at the mention of Dean
and Seth capturing even Molly's attention and his cheeks start to burn once he
realizes that his aunt watched Dean having sex and that no one minds – except
for Seth's whole family. But no word can be taken back anymore. It is all out
in the open and the fact that Molly, an adult and almost stranger to the rest
of the Rollinses, gives further details about Dean's work and their
relationship makes everything ten times worse for them.
His mother squeaks indignantly and steps between Seth and Dean, as if she could
still separate them. Their hearts and souls are linked together and no physical
distance could change that anymore. They belong together, in each other's
lives, and there is nothing she can do to stop it. Coincidence would have it
that he stumbled into Dean on that rainy day and Fate helped him keep his
friend.
'Very funny, Margaret,' his mother spits, her mouth a thin line after speaking
out loud Satan's name. God, she looks like she just ate a whole bunch of
lemons. 'This joke has gone far enough.' Oh please, how can she continue to
deny everything? His mother has lost, can't she see?
Well, he guesses then it's time for him to burst her bubble. This is for all
the times his parents pushed him aside to take care of Sophie and Samuel, for
the years he spent in Iowa because they thought he was too much trouble, for
forcing him to become someone he just isn't, for not giving Dean a chance even
though he means so much to Seth.
'It's true,' he says, biting back a malicious laugh. He should be sad now, as
this is the instant he cuts ties with his family, but instead he couldn't be
happier. Seth was never a part of them, no matter how hard he tried to fit in.
Molly on the other hand is just like him – the unwanted family member that is
sometimes tolerated but never welcome. No wonder they get along so well.
'Seth,' his father speaks up warningly, but it's too late now. He is sick of
hiding and he's through with them. They have done too little over the years to
prevent this moment and them treating Dean like a piece of garbage was just the
last straw. Ultimately, it is what gives Seth the strength to do this.
'Dean stars in porn movies and he's a wrestler. And he is phenomenal at what he
does. I've supervised his shoots for a while now and he is a professional in
the ring. Outside of work, he is just like you and me. Well, obviously more
like me and aunt Molly, but you get the gist of it.'
Seth draws in a breath, holding up a finger to shut his fuming mother up. He
isn't done yet. She can complain about this later when Seth won't be here to
hear it anymore.
'We were honest with you from the get-go, told you everything the first time
you met him but my parents were ashamed of Dean or me, telling you a stupid
bartender lie. I'm no longer hiding the truth though. If you are appalled by
either him or the fact that he is the man I lost my heart to, you can leave
right away. I don't want you in my life then. Actually, wait,' he shakes his
head, shoving his mother out of the way. 'I will go.'
The dragon that gave birth to him surely doesn't want to stop him, but all the
guests she will later owe an explanation Seth would love to pay witness to
force her to hold her son back. 'Seth.' No, enough with the Seth-hissing and
trying to control him. He is eighteen now and they no longer have a say in
anything concerning him.
And while he is admitting stuff, Seth can entwine his fingers with Dean's and
turn to the extended family, rambling on, 'I haven't been living here for weeks
because my family held me captive in my own room after I refused to break up
with Dean.'
Some seem genuinely shocked, but he is not sure if it's due to him admitting he
misbehaved and ran away, Dean generally existing or Seth revealing his parents
locked him up. Whatever the reason, he realizes that it doesn't bother him
anymore. They can all go to hell, he will see them there.
Playing Grant with the blow job was not who Seth was, this here on the other
hand is exactly him and it feels amazing to leave all of this toxic people
behind.
'Aunt Molly?' he walks up to her, his crush still holding his hand, 'Dean and I
know this very nice diner at the Interstate. Hungry?' 'Always, sweetie.'
Seth breathes in his newfound freedom, feeling like the king of the world.
There is still a lot more he wants to throw at them – after all, he swallowed
everything down for eighteen years – but he does want to keep it short. This
house is giving him the creeps.
'I'm done with you,' his mind provides him with more words to slap them in the
face with. 'Meeting Dean was the best thing that could have ever happened to
me. He opened my eyes without wanting to. I have a new family now. One that
loves me and accepts Dean because he is one of the nicest, humble and most
caring people I have ever met. And all you seem to zero in on is his job, even
though there is so much more to him. I–'
Dean lets go of him to put his fingers on Seth's shoulders, saying his name
quietly, kind of authoritative, immediately shutting him up.
'What?' he wants to know why Dean won't let him go all berserk on his family
that tormented him just as badly as Grant and his friends. Maybe even worse
because they have the same flesh and blood and are supposed to give him a home
and shelter.
As he looks into the whiskery face, he expects his crush to say Ya only got one
family or Are ya sure?but all Dean does is smile lovingly and hold out his
hand. He won't try to stop him and instead decided to support him in any way he
can. Seth takes it and Dean pulls him in for a kiss that is entirely thankful
instead of passionate. His crush still has a hard time believing that someone
would go to any lengths to defend and be with him. At least that part of his
wet dream wasn't just something he imagined.
Seth ignores the gasps in the room as they kiss and break apart, only listening
to the hushed whisper in his ear that turns his knees into jelly. 'Don't you
abandon me.' As if he could ever leave the light and love of his life.
'Seth Rollins, if you walk out that door–' 'Don't worry,' he cuts his mother
short, huffing at her ridiculousness. As if he hasn't made it pretty clear that
he doesn't want to be around them anymore. 'I will only come back to get the
rest of my stuff and then you won't ever see me again.'
After being silent for too long, Sam speaks up, coming closer with raised fists
as if to either punch Seth or throttle him to shake some sense into his wayward
brother. 'You ungrateful–'
His brother can't even finish whatever hurtful thing he was about to break him
with. Dean switches back to Mox mode in a split second, shielding Seth with his
body. 'You don't wanna finish that sentence. He said he's done, so we're outta
here. Oh, and that's for calling me a slut, asshole.' Without a prior warning,
Dean grabs Sam at the neatly ironed collar and yanks him close. Seth expects a
brawl now, which his brother would definitely lose, but instead of redecorating
Sam's face, Dean forces a sloppy kiss on him.
Seth can only watch the scene unfold but there is the weird urge to snicker
once his big brother tries to instinctively fight against the non-consensual
make out session and Dean retaliates by pushing his tongue into Samuel's mouth.
The interesting thing about this is that nobody dares to save the prodigy son
from the pervert. If that doesn't speak volumes about his family, then Seth
doesn't know.
Once his friend lets go, Sam is red as a tomato and out of breath too while his
crush smirks wickedly, turning towards Seth and Molly as if nothing just
happened. 'Let's stop at our place first, I need to get rid of that fucking
awful taste in my mouth.'
With these words, Dean wipes over his lips, making a disgusted face while Sam
chokes behind them, yammering something about the places that mouth has been
and this time, Seth can't stop the laughter from bubbling up. It's odd but
thathas never been one of Seth's problems with Dean's job. He just loves
kissing Dean, even right in the ring. Maybe because Jon Moxley refuses to do it
with anyone else than Leakee – and Gixx. He would unhesitatingly kiss Dean
after a blow job too. It's not like his crush never washes himself.
'Alright, was great meeting y'all but so long, suckers. Have a nice life,' Dean
bids his very sophisticated farewell that makes Seth only love him more before
stopping in his tracks and addressing Seth's parents one last time. 'Not you
though. I've been waitin' for this for years but for the sake of the only good
son you have, all I'm gonna say is what goes around, comes around. That's a
lesson from the male whore to the quacks.'
Molly tee-hees, linking arms with her nephew. 'I get why you're so smitten with
him.' Yeah, Dean is one of a kind and Seth is more than lucky to have found
him.
On his way out he watches satisfied how Sam is about to throw up – what a baby
– and childishly stomps on his brother's feet. Once for himself and once for
insulting Dean like that. Never again will Seth allow people to talk trash
about his crush. Not on his watch. 'I have made my decision a long time ago. I
chose him and my freedom.'
The last person he ever expected to speak up in this situation is the only one
that actually sees him off. 'See you around, big bro.' He looks at Sophie – his
sister is still sitting at the table, grinning at him like the Cheshire Cat –,
suddenly having this moment of clarity that she is indeed looking forward to
one day meet him again. Maybe she's the one family member who found it in
herself to really be happy for him.
Well, he appreciates the sentiment, but it's a little too late now. 'Hopefully
not.'
They both laugh and there is a small, painful sensation in his chest, almost
holding him back. Right now, he wishes they could have been siblings that live
and die for each other. He is sure they could have been a force to be reckoned
with. Unfortunately, they weren't meant to be. Maybe in another life.
'Happy birthday to me,' he sings on the way out, slamming the door shut behind
him, closing the last chapter of this story.
                                     * * *
They don't go to the diner and instead end up in their apartment but neither of
them really cares. Dean orders some pizza and beers – coke for Seth – and
together they squeeze themselves on the couch, his aunt and his crush spending
the next few hours with getting to know each other better.
Molly asks Dean all kinds of nosy questions about his job, loving the insight
he can give her, but soon they talk about Seth's time in Iowa before moving on
to anecdotes and what has happened at Cyberfights since Seth started working
there. The atmosphere is relaxed and exactly what he always imagined it to be
when his family meets his boyfriend. He knew he could count on Molly to make
things right.
Once it has gotten late, they offer Molly the bed and Dean calls Roman to ask
for an inflatable mattress they can spend the night on since the couch is too
small for the two of them. As soon as their friend dropped it off without a
word, they finally go to sleep. This day has been way too long and Seth is
dying to get some rest. His mind has to sort everything out before he has that
serious talk with Dean.
As they are lying in the darkness – which isn't that profound at all since Los
Angeles is one giant neon sign and the people living across never seem to turn
off their lights – Dean whispers after a few minutes of silence, 'I'm sorry.'
'Don't be,' he yawns, meaning every word he says. 'It had to happen sooner or
later. I didn't fit in.' The only thing he will keep is the name Rollins
because he really likes the sound of it. Other than that, as far as he is
concerned, there is nothing connecting him to his biological family anymore.
'Sorry for that thing with your brother.' Considering that Dean spent ten
minutes in the bathroom after arriving home, gurgling and trying everything to
get rid of Sam's taste – which was equally funny and disturbing – he can't
really be mad about it. And the face of his older brother was simply priceless.
'I'm not,' he giggles, recalling his brother's retching. 'His reaction was
worth it.' Dean only hesitates for the fraction of a second before he joins his
laughter, chuckling, 'He's a really bad kisser. How does his wife put up with
him?' Seth has no idea; he has never wasted much thought on his sister-in-law.
'Worse than me?' he asks cheekily, still riding on the wave of adrenaline from
giving it to his family straight. Dean props his elbow up on the mattress and
Seth has to readjust himself after dipping dangerously to the side. These
inflatable things have never been his cup of tea.
'You, my friend,' Dean lectures him, 'have the best teacher in the world and I
really dunno how many times I need to tell ya, you're a natural. In
everything.' How flattering. And the perfect opening.
'Would you like to give me another lesson?' He tries to give his question a
seductive tone, but fails miserably, as Dean doesn't even bat an eye. Seth can
see the wheels spinning in Dean's head, fearing that he won't like the words
that will come out of his crush's mouth next.
'What for?' Dean shrugs. 'Isn't it over now? School's practically over, you
left your family behind. My job is done.' See? He freaking knew it. And he also
totally forgot that there was a reason they started this whole boyfriend scam.
But what was that thing they had tonight, that one moment of honesty? Was it
just part of the show after all?
All those fanfiction writers were blatantly lying to him and only raised false
hope. Just because someone pretends to be your boyfriend it doesn't mean you
will actually end up with them in a real relationship before the act is over.
Life isn't a fairytale. Everyone who believes in these romantic miracles
certainly has not met Dean.
He stays silent for way too long, not sure how to continue this conversation
without embarrassing himself even further, completely heartbroken because he
just lost best thing of his life.
'You wanna take your aunt to Anaheim tomorrow? I bet she'd like it,' Dean
suggests calmly, helping Seth stop the voices in his head from roaring out too
loud in utter desperation.
'I've never went to Disney World,' he admits, just now realizing how sad his
childhood has been, and Dean gasps shocked, clapping him gently on the chest.
'What? Dude, I'm gonna take you to all the places.'
He can't help but grin towards the ceiling at that. So Dean is done playing his
boyfriend in public but whatever they have, it will continue somehow. Perhaps
they can now move on from pretense to reality. 'Sounds promising.'
His friend lies back down, closing his eyes while pulling Seth in, letting him
cling to his waist like a drowning man grabbing an in the water floating log,
yawning, 'You did good today. Thanks for being my defense squad.' It takes him
a while to understand, his body demanding sleep way too adamantly. Dean's words
need a lifetime to reach his consciousness and once they do, he forces his lips
to part, murmuring, 'Anythin' for you. Wanna keep you.'
Fuzzy warmth already engulfs him and the darkness before him turns into a place
he has never seen before but is sure to know anyway – just like dream logic
works – when a whisper breaks through the clouds like rays of sunshine, an
amused snicker rustling through the tree tops, making him smile. He feels
something ghost over his cheek but when he touches it, there is nothing there,
safe for the knowledge that Dean just kissed him in the real world and is still
talking to him.
'Sure thing, Casper. I'll be here forever.'
***** Chapter 27 *****
Chapter Summary
     'Would you mind pretending to be my boyfriend for one more night?'
Chapter Notes
     Ahem.
     Yup, I'm still alive. Jeez, sorry doesn't even begin to cut it... I
     just hope I can update at least once a month because I don't wanna
     keep you all hanging. I really don't. Life's just so energy-consuming
     and not so great and I have no idea how to get over everything. I'm
     not abandoning you guys. Never.
                     Act Twenty-Seven: the tide has turned
'So, what's the plan?'
Seth got called to Roman's office on Thursday, after he attracted negative
attention due to various minor mishaps at work during the past week. It's not
his fault – there is just so much on Seth's mind and he can't stop thinking
about Dean and what he wants in his life, what his future should hold for him
–, so naturally, his work smarts under his inner turmoil.
He definitely loves Dean with every fiber of his heart but he's still not sure
if his crush didn't fake a lot of the things they had. Though, by now, he's
convinced that Dean said the truth on Saturday when he caught them all off
guard with his confession. However, Seth is aware that his friend admitting his
feeling doesn't equal an interest in a relationship or a shared future. And
since this is Dean, he's learned not to pry too much because he wants to give
him time to come to terms with everything before he pushes and pushes and ruins
it all before it even started.
Seth takes off his glasses to rub tiredly over his face, asking helplessly,
'What do you mean?' All of his plans kind of went bust and he is left with the
broken fragments of what used to be his life. Seth still has that dorm room
waiting for him because his Plans A to Y just won't come out of their
protective shell to beg him not to leave.
Roman kindly refrains from rolling his eyes, stating the obvious. Not that Seth
wants to hear any of it. 'College, wrestling, Cyberfights? What's it gonna be?'
Seth heaves a sigh, putting his glasses back on to play around with the sleeves
of his shirt. Even though he left his family behind, he is still hiding that
wrist tattoo. Weird how old habits die hard, isn't it? Instead of sitting here
in this comfy chair and having to endure a question from Roman, he would much
rather love to ask the other what he is intending to do with Dean. No one ever
talks about this with him. How is he supposed to come to a decision when he is
left in the dark about the most important things?
'You can't keep him hanging forever.' Oh, nice deduction, Sherlock. Just that
it's completely wrong. Seth isn't the one with the secrets. Well, not the big
ones. Okay, scratch that, but he could still cancel college and give up his
scholarship if he hears just one word. Stay. That's all Dean needs to say.
'Who?' he asks even though he already knows the answer. He just wants to draw
this moment out a bit longer to see if Roman accidentally lets something slip.
But all his friend does is indeed give in to the urge to roll his eyes annoyed
at him while groaning, 'Dean.'
'I don't understand,' he replies, seriously at a loss what to do. Hasn't he
made it pretty clear that he wants Dean, the whole thing? He's not the one
holding back information or stalling for time to scheme against his number one
contender. Roman shouldn't ask him all this nonsense. No, he should answer Seth
things like why won't you leave Dean alone? Why do you keep dragging him back
into your orbit? Why won't you give me a chance to be happy with him? And most
importantly, why can't you let him go after you blew your chance?
Rome stares at him unforgiving for a whole eternity before letting him off the
hook by inquiring, 'Will ya stay or leave?' Maybe his Samoan friend thinks that
this is the one million dollar question but it isn't. There was never any doubt
about his resolve to throw everything away if Dean agrees to give them a real
chance. There is something else standing in their way and it isn't just Roman.
'That's not the thing I'm worried about.'
'His job,' Rome rightly assumes, rubbing over his bearded chin. They both don't
address the other elephant in the room. It's downright pathetic how they dance
around this, avoiding to admit to each other that they're bitter rivals and
that only one of them can win over Dean. 'Think it'd be easier if ya work here
too?'
He shrugs, looking down to no longer see those warm, brown eyes directed at
him. Who can really tell what would happen if Seth would accept Hunter's offer?
'I don't aspire to be a porn actor. No offense.'
Roman smiles mirthlessly, waving it off. 'None taken, kid.' It's painfully
quiet after that. His co-worker is staring out the window at something that
isn't there while Seth tries to listen to his inner voices to determine if he
has it in him to be a part of the Cyberfights family, to be together with Dean,
knowing that he will never be truly only his. How do other people do it?
Seriously, he needs to know how to keep that jealousy, that hopelessness at
bay. He wants to be grown up enough to simply shrug it off whenever he sees
Dean having sex with someone else but he isn't. For Christ's sake, he is only
eighteen and all this is way too much for him to handle.
The downsides of loving a porn actor, especially one whose best friend loves
him too.
'Are you working on dealing with it?' Yes; it's all he thinks about when he
walks through the glass doors of the company, when he helps adding the
finishing touches to a video, when he eats in the canteen with everyone,
listening to Dean and Roman making jokes while he is barely able to swallow his
food.
Dean needs time to decide who he is going to let in; just like Seth needs time
to wrap his mind around his crush's peculiar sex life. He may have started with
lusting after Jon Moxley, the porn guy, but he completely fell for Dean, the
one behind the mask. Seth can't quite explain why that is such a difference and
what it means but this is his reality now.
'I'm trying,' he admits honestly, because he really does give his best. It's
just not as easy as people might think. Roman shakes his head immediately; it's
also not good enough for him. Well, sorry, that is all Seth has to offer.
'I told you not to hurt him.' Okay, big dog, back off. Rome should know that
that was never his intention and at the moment Seth is the one feeling like
crap. 'I'm not,' he defends himself, almost pointing his finger at the real
culprit in the room.
His friend makes a face that clearly expresses not yet and it pains Seth more
than anything else because it means Roman has zero faith in him and is a
hundred percent sure that Seth will screw up and leave Dean heartbroken. But
how could he if he doesn't even know for sure what exactly it is they're
having?
And excuse him, but isn't Mr Righteous here the one hurting everyone? Seth with
his inability to set his ex lover free and Dean with keeping him from making
his own decisions by clinging to him like a second skin.
'You up to referee again?'
What an odd, unexpected change of topics. And the intense gaze directed at him
should warn Seth that there's something cooking, something he can't grasp yet.
But he's young, foolishly in love and desperate to prove he's mature enough to
deal with Dean's job.
'Now?' he breathes, standing up to show he is ready day and night. It's just
unfortunate that he still sounds as if Roman is sentencing him to death with
that offer, proving to the other exactly what he was predicting this whole
time.
His on and off brother shakes his head, hesitating only for a second before
announcing, 'Tomorrow.' It's a trap of some kind, he can feel it, but he won't
let anyone take Dean away from him. They should have their long overdue serious
talk tonight and this time he won't let anything come between them. No more
excuses. No more secrets and lies.
'Dean?' he wants to know, just to be sure Roman doesn't think it's safer to
assign him to another wrestler.
'Of course.' The way he says it makes Seth stop at the door and look back at
his friend but the other is already on the phone and waves him impatiently out
of his office, so he can go back to work. As long as Dean hasn't made a
decision there will always be this seething rage keeping them from being as
close as they should be. Seth loves Roman like the brother he never had, he
really does, but–
He sighs, toddling through the floor without any real aim. Rome and Seth could
be such a great team, if they wouldn't both love the same man. He's been
nagging Dean for weeks now but it's time to give the man a real ultimatum. No
one in their little brotherhood is fair to the other two and this needs to
stop. Hopefully he can live with Dean's decision – whatever it will be.
                                     * * *
Later that evening they are sitting on the couch, finally catching up on How To
Get Away With Murder, eating a surprisingly delicious vegetarian Lasagna Dean
picked up from the store. The framed picture of Roman and Dean on the sideboard
is mocking him, upsetting Seth more and more with each passing second. At one
point he presses the pause button because he can't keep quiet anymore. He's
been on pins and needles ever since he agreed to step in the ring once more.
'I'm going to referee again.' Here's to him not having another meltdown in
front of the camera.
Dean looks up from his plate, cocking his head – definitely remembering how
this ended the least time. And ta-da, there's the guilt in the blue eyes again.
'Really?' Yes, don't sound so astonished. Jeez. 'You hoping for more action,
now that we can legally show you?'
Funnily, he hasn't even thought about that yet, but Dean is right. Seth could
now push his friend's opponent out of the way – once the match is finished –
and finally claim what he has been wanting for years. No one could get sued or
in trouble anymore. Oh, the possibilities that present themself. It's the first
time today he can smile honestly and wiggles his eyebrows in a suggestive
manner. 'Well, if you put it like that.'
Dean snorts and takes another bite, calling him a cutie patootie before
querying with a full mouth, ''N who's the unlucky passenger in Jealous Gixx
Air?' Huh, he didn't even ask Roman who would touch his crush while he is
reduced to stand next to them and let it happen. That's why it felt like a
trap.
'No idea,' he admits, putting his empty plate on the table, the tv completely
forgotten. 'Does it matter?' Is there maybe someone Dean prefers to shoot with?
Someone who could be a competition for Seth too? God, he's turning into someone
he never wanted to be. Envy doesn't suit him. And he really doesn't want Dean
to call him Jealous Gixx from now on.
Dean just smiles all of his worries away, waving his full fork around and
dropping some sauce on Seth's pants, exclaiming teasingly, 'Nah, ya only got
eyes for me anyway.'
He wishes that wouldn't be so true. Just remembering that last time Dean never
tore his gaze away from him, not even during intercourse, lets the heat shoot
to his cheeks again. 'You're one to talk,' he retorts, glad to see he can still
joke about all of this. Though he has to admit that his chest is getting
tighter the longer his dread has time to grow.
'Any special wishes?' Marry me. Okay, okay, something less creepy and more
doable would be pretty nice. No need to scare Dean off just yet. He still wants
that talk. 'Forget the other guy and–'
His crush starts laughing out loud, squeezing Seth's knee. 'You'd like that,
huh?' Yes. Yes, he would. 'I hate to repeat myself but no virgins, hot stuff.'
If that is the only thing standing in their way, they could change that minor
detail right now, like Seth has fantasized about so often already. And tomorrow
he would be mentally prepared to share this intimate moment with the world.
Wow, look at him. Lying to himself just to be close to Dean. As if he would
suddenly be fine with starring in adult movies just because he likes the
company. He said it to Roman a few hours earlier and he means it, Seth wasn't
born to work in the porn business. Not as an actor at least. Best not to think
about it though.
It's scary what he would be willing to do to keep Dean in his life. Love really
makes blind and stupid. But wanting to do it all and actually ending up doing
it are two different things and at the moment Seth is stuck between those two
options.
Time to try a different approach. He has to tread cautiously here or else Dean
will bolt once more. 'Hey, remember that kissing lesson I wanted to have?' 'How
could I ever forget,' Dean counters, muttering in his boots, 'with you
constantly nagging me bout it.' Sorry for trying to advertise myself, goofball.
'I could really use that now,' he demands, feeling a wave of bravery run
through him, making him bold enough to say the next words. 'So I will know what
to do on camera tomorrow.' It's not asking for the highest form of intimacy and
they have kissed before. Seth thinks this is an appropriate suggestion to
ensure he and Dean share some quality time. You know, to remind him that he can
have fun with him too, not just with Rome.
His friend though snickers and grins at him, his tone half-proud and half-
mocking. 'Why don't you surprise me for a change?' Smart. Leaving it to Seth to
make the first move instead of relying on the boost of confidence portraying
Jon Moxley gives him. If only being Gixx would have the same effect on Seth,
but sadly, he's the same clueless dork in the ring than he is right now.
Dean won't play his game, he's realized that and for now, Seth gives up. There
are more important things anyway and losing his virginity in a rush because of
a porn shooting isn't exactly what he envisioned, so he shrugs, using the
sudden comfortable silence to regroup.
'Hey Dean?' he mutters after a while, readjusting his sitting position to be
able to directly look at his friend. Dean can tell this is serious and sets his
plate down, though he is not yet finished with his meal. 'Hm?'
'I think we should talk.' There, he said it. No stopping him now, no matter
what tricks his friend will pull out of his sleeve to distract him. They have
both said the l-word and promised to never leave the other alone, so they
should finally discuss Roman's role in their complicated relationship.
'We are,' Dean replies hesitantly. He already knows where this is going – Seth
can see it – but they both need to hear someone put it into words. 'No. About
us.'
His heart beats in his throat and he's sure Dean can see it pumping blood
through his veins at full speed, the palms of his hands getting sweaty. His
crush doesn't look like he is fond of the idea but he also doesn't seem eager
to postpone this any longer. Still, he won't move his lips to answer which
irritates Seth more than anything.
'I know you are nowhere near ready for it but I need answers. I can't go on
like this,' he tries to explain his wish for clarity, feeling so much better,
now that that is out in the open. Whatever happens from here on, Dean is aware
of his problem and together they can work it out. He doesn't believe it can get
any better than this, but when his crush whispers a defeated okay he can't stop
the smile from splitting his face in half.
'Really?' Because he doesn't want to press Dean hard or force him to act with
precipitation. Nothing good can come out of that. And it is kind of suspicious
how easy it was to get his desired conversation after all the previous failed
attempts.
Dean gets up and puts the rest of his food in the trash, suddenly looking very
pale – downright sick, to be honest – brows furrowed, hands hidden in his jeans
pockets. 'Yeah,' he mutters distractedly, sounding everything but certain.
'Just– I really hate to ask, but would you give me one more day? I promise,
cross my heart and hope to die, tomorrow you'll get whatever you ask for. I,
uh, I need to talk to someone first.'
If that isn't a mood killer, Seth doesn't know what else could be. As if Roman
will tell Dean yeah, follow your heart 'n have a relationship with a boy who's
not only a virgin but has been a fan of you for years, broke down while you
were on the job and can't come to terms with the fact that you're a porn actor.
Sure, go 'n get your heart broken another time cause he'll leave you sooner or
later. It's written in the stars, man. I'm the better choice but Imma let him
ruin ya cause I'll be there to pick up the pieces.
What if that person isn't Dean's best friend though? Does that even make sense?
Who else would Dean wish to talk to in a situation like this? Please tell him
there is not another guy involved. 'Rome?' he wants to know, just to hear the
confirmation that there's only the Samoan who will do everything in his power
to convince Dean to choose him for the second time.
His friend blinks, fury and disbelief flashing through his eyes and Seth knows
he not only said the absolutely wrong thing, but he also used to entirely wrong
tone. 'No,' is all Dean replies gruffly, changing into boxer shorts and
wifebeater to get ready for bed. Seth slips into the bathroom with him,
brushing his teeth before spitting into the sink and murmuring timidly,
'Tomorrow night then.'
Dean simply hums, already on his way out of the small room when he stops to
turn around and remark in a gravelly voice, 'You have my word.'
His crush won't break this vow, won't just stay out all night to avoid him. In
twenty-four hours Seth will get his talk. Now he has one day to decide if he
can deal with Dean's job. Maybe Roman was doing him a favor when he assigned
him another shooting, so Seth could find a solution to this problem at the only
place he can get one.
Only if he is able to make it through the shoot without going on a killing
spree, if he can watch Dean together with other guys, seeking solace in the
knowledge that he is in a committed relationship with Seth outside of work,
only then is he in any position to demand an answer from his crush.
'Hey, Dean?' he repeats while they climb into bed, getting another enervated
hum in response. As soon as the lights are out, Seth can feel Dean's exhaustion
almost wearing him down too. But as long as he hasn't turned his back on him,
his friend is still willing to have a conversation. Theoretically. It takes all
his willpower to ask timidly, heart hammering in his chest, 'Would you mind
pretending to be my boyfriend for one more night?' If it all ends here, then
Seth wants Dean to always remember what it was like to be with him.
The lightness is back in Dean's tone as he looks over to him in the bright neon
light shining in through the window, snickering, 'Whaddya have in mind?'
It's now or never, Seth, so grab the bull by the horns, don't force yourself
too much on him and just enjoy the moment. After all, it might be his last
chance. 'This,' he blurts out before his body jerks into motion and he launches
himself at Dean, stealing a rather clumsy kiss from the love of his life.
Strangely, it's as if Seth hit a very raw nerve and Dean's whole self-control
flies out of the window the moment he reciprocates his needy feelings. Seth can
already tell that this is not going to end in sex – Dean will come to his
senses before anything can happen – but, this time, the make-out session isn't
just a fragment of his dreams. It is finally real.
So is the embarrassing fact that he comes in his pants rather prematurely,
after Dean simply rocked his hips against Seth's a couple of times while gently
biting into his earlobe. Before he can jump out of bed mortified, Dean holds
him at his wrist, tugging at it until he reluctantly lies back down.
He doesn't know why his friend won't let him get rid of the shameful evidence
that screams I'm a horny, inexperienced teenager that needs to get laid and to
make it all worse – or better, Seth can't quite decide – Dean runs a finger
over the stains in his underwear, licking it clean right in front of his eyes.
Which try to fall out of their sockets because Dean is sucking some of his
semen off his own skin and that just breaks Seth's brain completely. That his
crush is grinning amused makes everything even more authentic, even though Seth
wishes now he would be dreaming. Not in his wildest fantasies did he imagine
Dean to do that. Moxley, yes, but Dean?
How ironic that they both get a taste of something in this very moment. Dean
gets to know Seth's unique flavor while he catches a glimpse of what he could
have if they ever take the next step in their rocky friendship.
This is what he could come home to at night, after a long, hard day at work for
the rest of all eternity. And God, Seth wants that more than anything else in
the entire world. There is only one very awful obstacle lying in their way.
Sharing Dean with dozens of other men because job or not, it is real sex and
Dean has had a relationship with one of his co-workers already.
At least Roman doesn't shoot with his crush anymore.
                                     * * *
His fatal mistake was not checking who Dean's opponent would be. Probably
because he was still high and delirious from last night's events, too stoked to
prove the world that he was ready to fight for his love. He should have looked
at the scripts for today or at the schedule but Seth only had eyes for Dean
and, in the end, that was their downfall.
Of all the people working here, all the guys Seth would have maybe tolerated to
help him overcome his jealousy, it had to be Roman walking through the door.
The one person who is a threat to Seth's whole existence and who can easily
replace him. All this time, Seth thought he was safe from Roman in the ring,
thanks to a woman he never met, but now everything seems to have changed. The
wife's menace seems to no longer be effective. So that was the reason for the
bad feeling he couldn't shake off.
The Samoan could have told him yesterday in his office that he is Dean's
partner, that someone decided to give Leakee and Jon Moxley another chance.
Perhaps because Seth refused to do more than just referee, maybe because people
lost interest in him. Or Roman thought that as long as Seth won't do it, it's
his chance to make a move.
He can't even blame him for that attitude. It's just that tonight was supposed
to be his big celebration night. Dean wanted to finally justify himself and he
felt good enough to show his friend – and everybody else – that Dean's job
would one day be only that for him; a way to pay the bills and nothing more.
But with Roman back in the picture, the whole game has changed and Seth is
losing big-time.
He feels nauseous and has to swallow down the bile every time he has to touch
the inked, darker toned skin because that's what Gixx is supposed to do. Dean
stays in his role a bit too easily, giving both of them the same amount of his
attention, though Seth likes to believe that the pleading gazes he throws at
him whenever the camera's angle doesn't catch their faces are supposed to say
that he is sorry about this.
Too bad that it doesn't help Seth. He is already falling into a dark hole, no
way out in sight. And the worst part about this is that he is all alone in
there, the light Dean shone upon his life gone.
The match only lasts a few minutes but to him it feels like an aeon, like he is
once again bound to these ropes by chains and every time Dean – or Moxley –
tries to get close to him, Seth involuntarily breaks character and steps aside.
So what if he's acting like Dean cheated on him? Even if he should ruin the
shooting with this performance, he doesn't care anymore.
Roman knew very well that seeing Dean with him, Seth could only come to one
possible conclusion. That he can't do this. Especially not with the Samoan
forcing himself on them.
That he manages to stay in the ring for the whole seven minutes and forty-eight
seconds is a small miracle but as soon as Miz calls referee out of the ring,
he's gone, running around the building without a destination. Surprisingly, he
ends up in Roman's office, half expecting the man to be there so he can scream
and cry and ask him why he had to hurt Seth like this.
He can't even say what kills him more. That Roman was aware he would be Dean's
partner, asking for Seth to be their referee nonetheless or that he found out
he can't watch his Dean f– fuck other guys. He never will be able to do it. Not
even if he reminds himself over and over that it's just Jon Moxley, a character
and not his boyfriend.
Luckily, the very man he wants to tear apart enters his office at that moment,
looking not in the least ashamed. And he's even still walking around half-
naked, as if Seth needs another reminder of what he has just done with the love
of Seth's life. He can even see the sweat glistening on the dark skin and his
brain roars in pain, telling him that there is also Dean's mixed in it. At
least he's infinitely grateful that Roman put on some pants, so he doesn't have
to see the semen stains that would surely cause another mental breakdown.
There are so many questions tightening his throat, so many accusations swirling
around in his head and Seth has to furiously rub over his temples to get them
in some kind of order. As soon as he's made it through his murderous phase, he
stares hard at his friend and bellows, 'I thought your wife forbid you to ever
shoot with Dean again.'
How can Roman double-cross her and Seth alike, dragging his best friend –
hopefully against his will – into his mess? Why can't he just let go?
The Samoan seems to be genuinely taken aback by his question, running a hand
through his wet hair. 'She left me. Dean didn't mention?'
It's Seth turn to gape at the man, blinking multiple times to clear the thick
fog in his head. So that is why Roman refused to back off. Because he is free
once more and willing to fight for Dean's affections, no matter the
consequences. But why did Dean hide this from him? It's the single most
important thing that has ever happened in their weird love triangle and
everybody deliberately kept the truth from him.
'No,' he admits in a hushed whisper, sagging down on the chair, all hatred
towards his friend gone. Now he can see why Roman and Dean also shoot together
again; it's something he would never be able to accomplish. But he can't lose
Dean to Rome. Not after everything they went through together.
There's a sympathetic sigh and Seth grimaces, disgusted by Roman's reaction.
His whole world is falling apart due to him realizing that he can't be together
with Dean as long as he still works as a porn actor and that Roman is back in
the game, leading with a million points already and that man has the audacity
to pity him?
'Creative wants to see if we still have chemistry,' comes the stupid
explanation Seth doesn't even want to hear. 'And if the people out there are
still into us.' To know that it's because he has been too hesitant to accept
the job or return Mox' sexual advances is one thing. Hearing that it's partly
his own fault that the dream team is back together now, is so much worse.
'Of course they are,' he whines, hiding his face in his hands. He can't look at
Roman anymore. Seth probably won't even be able to meet Dean's gaze head-on any
longer. His whole life turned into a nightmare and he just wants to wake up.
But no matter how hard he pinches himself, it won't work. He is trapped in his
own personal hell. 'You two have great chemistry. It's one of a kind.'
'I'm not the only one with that connection to Dean,' Rome reminds him with
raised eyebrows, giving Seth the impression he too doesn't really know if he
should get rid of his competitor or simply embrace him as the brother he has
become.
'I could never do that.' Seth has all the respect in the world for everyone who
works here at Cyberfights or any other porn agency and he might not know what
the future holds for him but there is one thing he never wants to do and that
is shooting adult movies himself. Being referee is all fun – well, definitely
not lately – yet he enjoys just wrestling way more.
He is not quite sure if Roman has a reply for him or if he's as speechless as
Seth but his silence is upsetting him because he should tell Seth now that he
is stupid for thinking like this. He simply has to try it out more often and
things will get easier. But there is nothing because secretly, Rome doesn't
mind him staying away.
Seth stares at the pants covering his friend's pelvis for an inappropriate
amount of time before deciding to get some clarity before he has the serious
talk with Dean tonight. 'You once said he would stay here for me.' 'Which he
did,' Roman grunts, still sounding pretty miffed about it. Hey, Dean is old
enough to make his own decisions. He blew those tryouts because he wanted to,
not because Seth begged him to.
'But he won't give up his job for me too, will he? Dean will never be
exclusively mine.' That is the real issue here. He could somehow deal with
Roman and his infatuation, he would even fight twice as hard as the Samoan to
win Dean over, but he can't do that if Dean continues to sleep with myriads of
people, and particularly Roman, right before he slips into bed with Seth. Any
other job here at Cyberfights would be fine, but it had to be an actor he fell
for.
'I'm sorry.' It is not the answer to his question, yet everything Seth needs to
hear. Tears shoot to his eyes but he aggressively bites them back. Roman
shouldn't see him cry – he would understand immediately. This is the end. He
knew it would come to this but he still had hoped so badly that fate would be
kind to him. It's better to make a painful cut than draw out the agony.
His body goes numb when he mutters, voice completely void of any emotions, 'I
think I should go to college.'
Roman's stubborn silence turns into a furious one; Seth can feel the heat his
friend emanates suffocating him. 'You should stay and continue to wrestle.
Dean's really taking a liking to that wrestling school thing. It was your dream
too, ain't that right?'
God, it was just a desperate and dumb attempt to bind Dean to him. Doesn't
matter now, if Roman gets to sleep with his crush again – the foreplay
happening right with Seth standing next to them – his chances of winning this
tug of war increase tenfold. No wonder Dean was only ever up to some innocent
making out. It's clear now. He saved himself for Roman.
Seth has made his choice, he is done with Cyberfights and this pissing contest.
So, now he has lost not only his biological family but also everyone else.
Awesome. 'No, I should go.'
'Don't make a mistake and live to regret it.' That Roman tries to talk him out
of this is so absurd that he wants to laugh but the sound gets stuck in his
throat. This is, by far, the worst day of his life and he has been through so
much horrible things in the past week.
Hopelessness and despair cloud his judgment, yet he is able to have one last
coherent thought. 'Does he love me? Really love me? Like, more than anything
else in the world?' Seth wants a straight response; only the knowledge that he
has a tiny chance with Dean could change his mind now. Should he be fighting a
lost battle, he can save himself the heartbreak.
Roman wipes a strand of hair out of his face and sits down on the edge of his
desk, sucking on his bottom lip for a second before shaking his head. 'Seth,
that ain't my confession to make.' After everything he has said and done, this
is where he draws the line? What kind of screwed up principles are those?
He is confused, insecure, disappointed and exhausted all at once. This whole
situation is making him feel dizzy and knocks the wind out of him. The walls of
the room seem to come closer; he has to get out of here, away from Roman and
Dean. 'I– I need some air.'
Seth is already at the door – and predictably, Roman didn't immediately try to
hold him back, what a shocker – when his co-worker reminds him casually,
'There's air everywhere.'
No, there isn't. There is no place for him here; there probably never was. His
crush for Dean was never more than that. Puppy love. A pretend friendly turn.
What Seth needs now is a fresh start far away from here. Roman knew from the
get-go that this whole situation would end in tears and broken dreams but Seth
never imagined it would be his world shattering into a million pieces, that he
would be the weak one.
He rushes back home, no, back to the apartment he only recently got the keys
for and packs his stuff in a hurry – before his friend will return and try to
reason him out of it, promising him things he will never be able to fulfill
anyway. Seth has wasted four years to something he could never have, so the
only logical thing to do is go, make plan Z into the only one he has. Leaving
is easier than being left behind.
With tears streaming down his face, he puts the key on the table before walking
towards the door. He would love nothing more than to stay and forget what
happened but he can't do this anymore. He can't hope for Dean to give up his
beloved job just for him. Can't watch Dean do this day in, day out. Can't
ignore anymore how badly he's aching whenever Dean isn't with him. And he sure
as hell can't stand the sight of Dean and Roman together. To think he once
practically devoured the videos of Leakee and Jon Moxley makes him want to
vomit on the picture of the three of them.

With a last glimpse at the calendar hanging next to the entrance he closes the
door on all that could have been but never was, on Dean and the happy, fuzz-
free life he had here. Seth sure won't ever forget the day his heart got ripped
out of his chest, forcing him to run away from his true home – from Dean. June
second is his new arch enemy.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!