Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7863973.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      The_Walking_Dead_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Daryl_Dixon/Shane_Walsh, Carl_Grimes/Original_Female_Character(s)
  Character:
      Shane_Walsh, Daryl_Dixon, Original_Character, Lori_Grimes, Rick_Grimes,
      Carl_Grimes, Carol_Peletier, Sophia_Peletier, Maggie_Greene, Michonne_
      (Walking_Dead), Andrea_(Walking_Dead), Dale_Horvath, Hershel_Greene,
      Judith_Grimes, Tyreese_Williams, Sasha_Williams_(Walking_Dead), Theodore
      "T-Dog"_Douglas, Bob_Stookey, Lizzie_Samuels, Mika_Samuels, Walking_Dead
      Characters
  Additional Tags:
      Shanes_Daughter, Shane_Lives, Minor_Lori_Grimes/Shane_Walsh, Gay_Shane,
      Gay_Daryl, Protective_Shane, Good_Friend_Shane, Non-Crazy_Shane,
      Depressed_Shane, Grieving_Shane, Rape/Non-con_Elements, For_a_second,
      graphic_depictions, Good_Shane, Protective_Daryl, sofia_lives, Not
      Everybody_Lives, Male_Slash, Underage_Sex, As_In_Under_18
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-08-25 Updated: 2016-08-26 Chapters: 2/? Words: 13606
****** Finding Life Beyond Death ******
by FoxBane11
Summary
     The world was a harsh place these days, ready to chew up good men and
     spit out monsters. For Shane, it's only the thoughts of his daughter
     that kept his soul from twisting into something he wouldn't
     recognize, and then it's the feeling of piercing blue eyes warming
     his skin too. For Daryl, it was just a matter of survival, until he
     hears an interesting little encounter and finds that a man he thought
     he had figured out wasn't so figured out anymore. For Carl, it was
     his whole world tipped upside down, crashing down around him, then
     she was there with her bright hair and listening eyes, holding up his
     world. For Lonnie, it's her dad and feeling safe, and laughing, and
     trying to be free in a world that wanted to crush her. In this new
     world, you had to keep the things you loved close and protect them no
     matter what, and try to live while you were doing it. Sometimes you
     managed, sometimes you didn't.
***** Before And After *****
A/N: There is a pretty graphic scene in this chapter, involving non-con sexual
content. But only in this chapter, then I think the rest will be consensual. So
be warned.
Chapter One: Before And After
 
Lonnie, 8 Years Old
She was sitting in the stair well of his apartment building the first time he
ever saw her. Exhausted, ready to fall over right there, coming off a near 48
hour shift, Shane had paused at the bottom of the stairs, blinking at the
sight. The stairwell had a single fluorescent bulb and her violently red hair,
so bright it seemed unreal, was lit up and looked almost like living flames,
right there on the stairs. He'd never seen hair so bright and it took him an
exhausted few seconds to realize there was a little girl attached to the mop of
hair. A little girl, maybe six or seven, who was biting her lip and watching
him with the widest set of gray eyes he'd ever seen. For a moment he thought he
might be hallucinating, but no, there really was a little girl sitting on the
stairs.
“Hey, there.” He greeted the girl as he started slowly up the stairs. His
apartment and two others were the only ones on this floor, so he was assuming
she had to come from the new tenants in apartment c, across the hall from his
place.
“Hey.” She echoed softly, fingers digging into her grubby jeans. There was a
thick book on the stairs beside her, some kind of chapter book.
“Whatcha doing out here, kiddo?” He asked lightly, trying to keep his voice
light and casual as he remembered it was nearly midnight. What the hell was
this girl doing out here?
“Mama has a friend over.” She told him, peeking up at him and watching
carefully as he sat down slowly on the step beside her.
“A friend, huh?” Shane felt the burn of anger begin in his gut, making some of
his exhaustion fade. He looked her over carefully, but couldn't see any
bruises. Her jeans were grass stained at the knees and her little pink sweater
had a hole at the hem but he'd seen Carl dressed in worse, so that didn't say
much. “Well, I'm Shane, guess I'm your next door neighbor.” He held out his
hand for a shake, more as a test then anything, giving her a harmless smile.
Her big gray eyes blinked and then she smiled at him, the brightest god damn
smile he'd ever seen, and Shane felt his heart tug. She slipped her little hand
into his without hesitation and gave his hand a firm decisive shake. “My name
is Lonnie Brant.” She told him.
00000 00000000 0000000 00000000 00000000
Two days after they'd set up camp, up at the quarry, Shane sequestered himself
in his tent after making sure someone was on watch and got so piss drunk he
couldn't see straight. In his mind he thought of Rick, left in that hospital.
Rick, his best friend since forever it seemed like, dead because Shane hadn't
seen the third perp in time. Carl, who'd broken down and cried when Shane had
told him. Lori, a leaden weight around his neck, who turned her eyes more and
more towards him for protection. Hell, this whole camp looking to him for
decisions, even though he hadn't asked for that. Shit, he didn't know these
people, yet he could feel their eyes on him, demanding answers.
Mostly he tried not to think of bright red hair and wide gray eyes, smiling up
at him, but the more drunk he got the harder it was not to think about her. The
little girl who'd been so much a part of his life he'd practically thought of
her as his. She'd been so smart, smart as a fucking whip. After he'd talked to
her teachers she'd even been pushed from 5th grade right up to 7th. Over the
last five years he'd got so involved in her life he might as well have been her
parent, what with how useless her mother had been. He'd loved that little girl
more than he loved anything else in his entire life, hell he still loved her
more than anything. She'd always be there, a big fucking ache, right where his
heart should be.
Sitting propped up in his tent, Shane took a swallow from his almost empty
bottle of whiskey, eyes dropping to the two thin leather braided bracelets
around his wrist. He fingered them both, feeling the two beads on the ties
clink together. She'd made them herself. Bought the supplies with money she'd
scrounged up from somewhere. On the first she'd painted their names, Shane &
Lonnie, in bright reds and golds, bold against the dark leather, with delicate
little leaves painted meticulously underneath. Looking at the second always
made tears choke him, eyes wet, especially since the outbreak. She'd painted,
The Love Between A Father & Daughter Is Forever, in rich blues and greens.
Wiping his face roughly Shane took another harsh swallow of the cheap whiskey.
He'd seen the blood. Soon as the shit had hit the fan he'd gone to get her,
even before Lori and Carl, breaking down her apartment door when no one had
answered. There'd been blood everywhere and two of those things had been there.
Little hand prints, just the size for a twelve year old girl, had been on the
door, like she'd tried to claw her way out. The first of the dead he'd
recognized as her uncle, Linney, still wearing his mechanics shirt with the
name tag. The second was her mother, that red hair, duller than Lonnie's, ratty
and tangled around her snarling face. It'd been the body on the floor that had
him horrified though. The body of a child lay in the front hall, ripped to
shreds, intestines spread and half gone, blood pooled underneath in a thick
puddle across the floor. He hadn't been able to step any further, her tangled
red hair enough, unable to step around the corner and see what was left of her
face, hidden by the entrance wall. Couldn't see her like that.
He'd choked, and then he'd run, unable to stop until now. He'd had to make sure
Lori and Carl were safe before he broke down. Now, two days into settling into
the quarry, he finally had his chance. A deep noise came from his throat, torn
up from deep down and he hunched over himself. He'd loved that girl more than
anything, more than life itself. He'd never wanted kids before but she'd
slotted into his life like she'd been a missing puzzle piece all along, and now
that she was gone, he just didn't know what to do.
She'd been such a good kid, the very best. She'd been stubborn and more hard
headed than a mule, but she'd been kind too, shy about it, but kind all the
same. Sassy, with a mouth that ran away from her more often than not, but she
was never mean about it. Pretty too, gorgeous really, with all that red hair
and a gangly body that promised to grow into a tall and slender woman. So
smart. He'd tried to help her with her math homework only once, and she'd
laughed and showed him exactly how good she was at numbers. Lonnie had been
everything that was great about his life, everything all rolled into one little
sassy package.
He'd always been amazed she'd turned out to be such a great kid, what with who
her parents were. Her mom, so fried by drugs that she'd hardly been conscious
let alone a good parent. She'd been clean a while, except for alcohol but the
damage had already been done. The woman hadn't been hardly able to string
together a sentence let alone remember where her daughter was. Hell, the only
thing the woman seemed to have been good at was picking men up at the damn bar
every other night. That woman had had more sex in the last few months than
Shane had his whole damn life. And her daddy hadn't been much better. Shane had
dropped her off at her dad's only once, in some backwoods hick town, and the
man had been a real piece of work. Cussing every other word, at Shane, at
Lonnie at the damn air. Man had been a real hard ass and if Lonnie had ever
said he'd hurt her, Shane would have done something about it but when he'd
asked her, she'd only shaken her head. She'd only spent a weekend a month there
and she never seemed to be worse for wear when she got back, so he'd left it
alone.
But despite all that she'd turned out amazing. She'd been so polite, but with
this mischievous little attitude hidden in there. She'd had people fooled, with
her little innocent act, then she'd pull a prank outta no where and then that
little smirk would curl her lips and she'd look like a little demon instead.
Hell, he'd been fooled by it the first few times he'd met her.
She'd been a funny little thing too. She'd had a wicked sense of humor but it'd
been more than that. She'd had these odd little habits that he'd noticed over
the years. She'd counted the steps every time she went up or down them,
mouthing the numbers as she went. He'd come back to his apartment, which he'd
given her the spare key to fairly early on, only to find the place rearranged.
She complained if he kept his DVDs out of order, insisting they were
alphabetized. She kept her blanket on his couch folded just so, always tucking
the blanket into his closet carefully. He'd always suspected she might have
some kind of OCD, maybe a mild version, but he'd never said anything about it.
Sighing out a breath, Shane blinked, thoroughly trashed now, his thoughts
swimming. Wiping roughly at his face, he erased any tears. His hands were
shaky, so instead of taking another drink he tossed the nearly empty bottle
away. Feeling like his whole body was shuddering and hot, he tilted his head
back against his pack, trying to relax. He should probably drink some water, he
thought distantly, but couldn't feel his legs well enough to get up.
“Shane?” Lori called softly from outside his tent, making him blink and then
wipe at his face one more time with a frown.
“Yeah?” He called, voice still rough with tears. He promptly cleared his
throat, trying to clear some of the fog of alcohol from his brain. It wasn't
working. He'd drank way more than he should have and his thoughts felt about
ten miles away.
“Are you okay?” She asked hesitantly when she'd stepped into his tent and
zipped up the door behind her. For some reason the motion made warning bells go
off in the back of his brain. The tent was dark, only vague light from the moon
shining through the mesh window.
“'m fine, drunk.” He muttered, words just a little slurred at the edges.
“I miss Rick.” Lori murmured into the dark, moving closer.
“I know, I do to.” He agreed, closing his eyes against the spinning, glad he
was leaned back against his pack. “Was a good man.”
“I need you, Shane.” She whispered, now right beside him. “Me and Carl, we need
you.”
Warning bells were screeching in the back of his head now and Shane blearily
opened his eyes to squint up at her wavering face. The expression on her face
wavered in front of his eyes and he couldn't quite tell what was on her face.
“You know I ain't gonna leave you guys. I promised Rick.”
“I know, Shane.” She murmured, then it was like he blinked and she was in his
lap, fingers gripping at him and her hips grinding down on him.
“Whoa, Lori, the fuck?” Shane tried to pulled away, his whole body feeling
numb, but Lori clutched at him tighter, reaching down to unbuckle his pants.
“I know you'll like it, Shane, please, I need you.” She told him desperately,
kissing him on his slack lips. She seemed entirely undeterred by his lack of
reaction.
“Shit, Lori.” Shane grimaced, trying to swat her hands away but his vision was
going in and out and he only hit air. Then her hand was on him, stroking his
limp cock, her fingers unpleasantly cool on him. “Stop it, you know this ain't
right.” He tried to shove her away as a shudder went down his spine, mingling
disgust and something else, but she clung tightly and he seemed to have no
control over his drunk limbs.
“It'll feel so good, Shane, just give me a minute.” She said, pressing kisses
over his face as her hand worked at him.
“Lori, fuck, stop, I ain't into women. I'm gay.” Shane finally found one of her
hands, trying to pry it away from his shirt. He could see little black spots at
the corners of his vision and to his horror he was starting to harden under her
hand. “Yer my brother's wife, fer fucks sake.” The words were like broken glass
in his throat.
“Oh, come on, I know you aren't gay. I've seen you with women.” Lori told him
coaxingly as she stroked him into fullness. She completely ignored his last
statement and the way he was trying to pry her away. “You want this, Shane, I
can feel how much you want this. You wouldn't be hard if you didn't.”
“Fuck, Lori, I'm a man and I'm drunk, 'course somebody strokin' my dicks gonna
get me off.” His vision was going fuzzy now and his words ran together, slurred
and broken.
“You want this, you want me.” Lori was saying over and over and Shane tried to
shake his head, tried to clear it, tried to correct her. But he couldn't, his
head lolling back, unable to support itself. His stomach was sick, nauseous,
and he could feel acid burning up his throat. Then a wet heat was lowering onto
him and he felt himself shudder, part disgust part humiliating pleasure.
Groaning in protest, Shane tried to push her away one more time, but his vision
was blackening, dying, and with it Shane lost his thoughts, falling into the
dark of unconsciousness.
 
00000 000000000 0000000000 0000000 00000000000 000000000 00000000 000000000
0000000000
Lonnie, 10 Years Old
Shane felt himself sag with exhaustion as he closed the door to his apartment
behind him. He'd had one hell of a day and he was just about ready to fall into
his bed fully clothed and pass out. Unbuttoning his shirt, Shane didn't bother
turning on the light as he trudged down the hall to his living room. He was so
exhausted he didn't even realize there was a little body on his couch until he
almost sat on her.
Blinking and rubbing at his eyes, Shane sat on his coffee table instead. Lonnie
was curled up on his couch, her body slight under the fuzzy green blanket he'd
bought just for her. He didn't even have to wonder why she was in his
apartment. He'd heard the music from her apartment in the hall, his brain just
hadn't thought the noise through. She always came over when her mama had
company. It's why he'd given her a spare key in the first place. She was always
welcome, no matter what.
With an exhausted sigh he put his elbows on his knees and his chin on his
clasped hands, looking down at the little girl that owned so much of his heart.
He couldn't imagine loving any kid more than he did her, not even if he ever
had one of his own. But everyone that knew him knew that when he loved someone
he loved them fiercely, almost obsessively. It wasn't any different with
Lonnie. He always worried about her, she was never far from his mind and he
missed her when he didn't see her every day.
Even in the dark her hair was bright, looking crimson in the stifled light from
the windows. She was curled up tightly, both of her tiny fists near her face,
the green blanket tucked tightly around her. She looked pale in this light and
he frowned, thinking maybe he needed to coax her outside more often, away from
her books.
“Shane?” Her voice broke him from his thoughts and he looked down, seeing her
eyes peering up at him, looking nearly black in the dark.
“Hey, there, sweet pea.” He smiled, his voice gruff with exhaustion.
“Did you have a long day?” She asked quietly, lips curling up sleepily as she
stretched. Shane thought she looked about like a little kitten, stretching
itself out after a nice nap.
“Yeah, Rick going on a rampage again.” He joked, although not really. Any time
Lori and Rick got into a fight it meant long hours for Rick, which meant long
hours for Shane. “Got the day off tomorrow though, how 'bout a trip to the
park? Play some baseball?”
“That sounds great!” She chirped, seemingly waking up the rest of the way,
sitting up on the couch. Her hair was getting long again, nearly to her waist.
“Best we both get some sleep then, if we don't wanna fall asleep on our feet
tomorrow.” He grinned at her, reaching out to ruffle her hair. With that he
stood, ready to go get his own sleep after a long ass day. “Night, sweetheart.”
He was almost to his bedroom door when her voice stopped him, hesitant in the
dark. “Shane?” She called, making him turn to peer back at her. “I love you.”
She told him, staring at him with wide eyes. She had the blanket clenched in
her fists and pulled close.
Shane couldn't help but smile at the little girl, feeling his chest about
explode with warmth. He'd known her for two years now, but she'd never said it
before. It meant a lot to him to hear it from her now, when he'd had such a
crappy day. But then, she always did brighten up his day. “I love you too,
sweet pea.” Which made her smile back at him before she laid back down. “Sweet
dreams.”
ooooooooo ooooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooooo ooooooooo
After avoiding her for nearly a week, Lori finally caught him on the edge of
camp, coming back from a perimeter check. Soon as he saw her coming he scowled,
feeling anger heating his chest. She had that determined face on, the one he
knew meant she wasn't gonna take no for an answer. Which was just too fucking
bad because he wasn't about to say yes either.
“Shane, you've been avoiding me.” She told him, arms crossed and frowning but
using that voice she'd used on Rick, the one meant to make him feel guilty.
“Damn right I been avoiding you, I ain't ever hit a woman but I'm damn tempted
now.” He told her harshly which was the truth. After he'd woken up, hungover
and sick to his stomach and found his pants unbuttoned and a sticky mess, he'd
about blown a gasket he was so furious. He'd remembered everything, right down
to the last humiliating detail. Avoiding Lori had been the only way he'd been
able to keep his head.
Firming her lips, Lori took a furtive look around, making sure no one was in
sight. No one but trees. “Shane, you wanted that just as much as I did. I seen
the way you always look at me. And I needed it too.” She said, stepping closer
to him and reaching out a hand to touch his chest.
Shane sneered, slapping her hand away hard, making her gasp at the sting. “I
was drunk, Lori, I told you to stop and you didn't listen, that's the fucking
point. Might as well be rape, the way you did it. Hell, it was rape.”
“Oh, come on, Shane.” She shook her head at him like he was being ridiculous
and tried to take a step closer, which he countered with a step back. “I can't
rape the willing. You were hard, Shane.” She arched her brows condescendingly.
Rubbing a hand over his head roughly, Shane fought to control himself,
squeezing his eyes closed for a moment so he couldn't see her smug face. “I'm a
man, Lori, and I was piss drunk. Of course somebody strokin' my dick is gonna
get me hard, don't take a lot when you're that drunk. I said no, told you to
stop, and you didn't”
“You didn't really mean it!” She protested, shaking her head at him. Now her
hands were on her hips as she scowled at him.
“No means no, stop means stop, don't matter who's sayin' it or why, can't
change the definition of a word 'cause you want to.” Shane said thickly, his
accent prominent with his temper.
“You wanted me.” Lori insisted, an uncertain look coming to her face now.
“I'm gay, Lori.” He hissed, furrowing his brows as he said the words slow. “I
don't want any woman, let alone one that was married to my brother, my best
friend.”
“You'll change you're mind. Me and Carl need you.” She told him stubbornly, a
mulish expression coming to her face that he recognized. She wasn't gonna be
changing her mind easy.
“And I'll be here, I'll make sure you stay alive, but I ain't your friend
anymore, I'm doing it for Rick and for Carl, that's it.” He said brutally,
completely honest. He loved Carl like a nephew but after what Lori did there
wasn't no going back.
She huffed but didn't say another word as she spun on her heels and strode back
to camp, like he'd just said the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. Shane blew
out a breath, slowly releasing the built up tension from his shoulders as he
watched her go. Roughly scrubbing at his face, Shane turned and took a few
steps, ready to begin pacing, but froze instead. Standing not even ten feet
away stood Daryl, two fat rabbits hanging from his hands. He was staring at
Shane intently, like he'd just seen something that didn't quite fit and he was
trying to place it anyway.
“How much of that did you hear?” Shane asked gruffly, trying to work up a
glare. But he just couldn't feel it. Between his fury at Lori and his grief
over Lonnie, he just felt wrung out.
“Most of it.” Daryl said after a moment, transferring the rabbits to one hand
so he could adjust his crossbow strap. “Woman's a piece ah work.”
Shane huffed a sick laugh, unable to help himself at the understatement.
Rubbing his eyes he shook his head. “You have no idea.” Then he drew in a deep
breath and gathered his pieces together. “You mind keeping this to yourself?
Don't want this gettin' 'round to Carl. He don't need this shit.” Before all
this there mighta been a demand or even anger in his words but now it was just
a question with no push behind it.
“Won't say nothin'” Daryl nodded at him firmly, and Shane believed him. There
was something on the rednecks face, something that made Shane certain Daryl
wasn't lying.
“Thanks, man. 'preciate it.” Relief made him sag a little. At this point he
felt shattered and empty and found he didn't have much fury left for anything.
Instead he just kinda felt numb.
 
00000000 00000000000 000000000 000000000 0000000
Lonnie, 8 Years Old
“Mom, it's Shane's day off today and he's going to a friend's birthday party.”
Lonnie tried to tell her mother as the woman gripped her hand, too tightly, and
led her across the hall. She'd seen Shane just yesterday and he'd told her as
much.
“Mama's gotta go out tonight, honey, and if Shane can't watch you, you'll have
to stay by yourself.” The woman said as she knocked on the cops door. She said
it like Lonnie didn't stay by herself half the days of the week already.
“Mom-” But then Shane was opening the door, shirt unbuttoned like he'd just
been getting ready.
“Hey, there!” Her mother chirped, giving Shane her brightest smile. As she did
she tossed her curls over her shoulder, showing off her boobs. Lonnie
recognized the move as one her mother did when she wanted someone to look at
her boobs and not her face. Shane's eyes didn't even drop a little.
“Mrs. Brant.” He replied with a look Lonnie knew meant he was annoyed but
trying to hide it. They'd had several conversations in the stairwell, enough
for her to begin to read his expressions. But then he looked down at her and
smiled. “Hey, Lonnie.” Which made her feel warm all the way to her toes.
“Sorry to bother ya.” Loretta chimed in, making Shane's smile dim and Lonnie
frowned. She hated it when Shane frowned. “I was wonderin' if ya'll had time to
watch Lonnie for me this evening?” She asked cheerfully, like this man wasn't a
complete stranger. Well, he wasn't a stranger to Lonnie but her mom didn't know
that.
“I was actually going somewhere tonight.” He answered after a moment, looking
down at Lonnie with pinched eyebrows. Lonnie ducked her head, wanting to run
and hide. She'd told her mom he was busy.
“Oh, well, I guess Lonnie is old enough to stay by herself for a few hours.”
Her mom turned to her, tisking to herself. Lonnie knew it was going to be more
than a few hours. “Guess a mama's just gotta get used to her baby growin' up.”
She said with a shrug.
Lonnie let her mother tow her around, back towards their apartment, grimacing
at the tight clammy grip her mom had on her hand. Like she was gonna lose
Lonnie right there in the hallway. She threw a glance over her shoulder,
looking at Shane, wanting to say goodbye. But when she got a look at his face
she kept quiet. He was glaring darkly at her mom's back, hands on his hips,
looking furious.
Lonnie cringed, knowing he'd be mad. Nobody liked to be bothered when they were
getting ready, least of all with her. She shoulda just ignored her mom and made
her leave her there in the apartment. Now Shane was mad at her. She didn't want
him to be mad at her. She liked talking to him. She liked that he always smiled
at her when he saw her on the stairs, no matter how tired he looked. He'd even
brought her a sucker the one time. He seemed like a cool guy and she didn't
want him mad at her.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Shane called as Loretta was about to shut their apartment
door. Lonnie whipped her head around, seeing Shane, holding a hand out and
motioning her closer. “I'm just goin' to a BBQ, might as well just take her
with me. It's for my friends 8 year old, I'm sure she'll have fun.” He said,
giving her a little smile and Lonnie felt herself relax. He wasn't mad at her
after all!
“Oh, that's just great!” Loretta smiled widely, and Lonnie thought her mom
might have been pretty if the expression on her face wasn't so dumb. “I'll pack
her a bag and she'll be right over.”
“Great, I gotta leave in thirty minutes.” He told them, running a hand through
his hair before giving them a nod and retreating into his apartment.
Her moms face immediately changed, the look on her face seeming to just slide
away until only a blank one was left. Lonnie was more familiar with that face.
Her mom had a hard time around other people, always acting cheerful and happy
even when she wasn't. Lonnie thought it was maybe because her moms brain just
didn't work right any more. Uncle Linney had said she'd done stuff that fried
her brain. Lonnie wasn't sure what that something was but she figured he was
probably right. He'd also said her mom was dumber than dirt.
“Go on now.” Her mom nudged her inside, strolling past her to go to the couch.
Now her mom looked absent, like a house with none of the lights on.
“Yeah.” Lonnie muttered, passing her mom to head towards her room. She was used
to taking care of herself. Uncle Linney said her mom was broken, and Lonnie
couldn't find it in herself to argue.
Snatching up her black backpack, a few years old and worn, Lonnie threw in her
book, her pjs, just in case, and a bottle of water. Her daddy always said to be
prepared for anything. So just in case. Next she slipped into a nicer set of
clothes. Her only pair of jeans without holes in the knees and a green and
white striped shirt with three buttons at the front with a white undershirt. It
was her only nice shirt with no stains on it. A present from her Grandma
Lenora. Then she threw her hair up into a pony tail, since Uncle Linney said it
looked less like a mop that way.
All that done she hurried back out to the hall and exited the apartment before
her mom even knew she was finished. Trying not to seem to eager she scampered
across the hall and knocked on Shane's door. Despite herself her knocks gave
away her excitement.
When he opened the door he was smiling and Lonnie beamed back at him. She'd
rather spend time with Shane than anybody she knew.
Ooooo
Shane couldn't help but smile down at the adorable redhead, even as irritated
as he was with the girls neglectful mother. He'd already talked to Lonnie
several times on the stairs and every time he saw her he liked her a little
more. She was a cute kid. Hell, probably smarter than he was.
“I'm all ready, how 'bout we hit the road?” Shane asked as he tucked his wallet
into his pocket and shut the door behind him.
“Cool.” Lonnie trotted after him and Shane realized she was actually pretty
tall for her age, even though she was skinny as a twig. “Never been to a BBQ
before.”
“Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll have fun.” Shane assured her, seeing the nervous
expression on her face. He had no doubt she'd never been much of anywhere, not
with a mother like hers. In the dozen times he'd talked to the girl she came
across as a little socially awkward, like she wasn't used to talking to people.
Old for her age, he'd thought more than once, but with the uncertainty of a
child with an unstable home life. “Buddies got a son, Carl, he's turning eight
today.”
“He's 28 days younger than me.” She said immediately, as though she couldn't
help herself, even as she ducked her head shyly. Shane thought maybe she
couldn't help herself. He'd noticed she had an odd little thing with numbers,
able to do math off the top of her head almost instantly. Math he wasn't even
sure he could do on paper let alone in his head and that fast. And she was
counting the stairs as they went down, mouthing the numbers more than saying
them.
“Happy birthday, kiddo.” He reached out and tugged on her bright pony tail,
inwardly scowling when she flinched minutely before letting him tug on the
tail.
“Thank you. When's your birthday?” She asked as they exited the stair well and
come out into the parking lot. She went to his jeep without him even telling
her. Parked beside it was the shitty station wagon that Shane thought must be
her mothers.
“May 11th.” He opened the door for her and held out a hand for her backpack,
which she hesitantly handed to him. “Gonna be turning gray this year.” He
joked, ignoring her uncertain look as he lifted her up into the jeep and set
her bag in the back.
“How old are you?” She turned to watch him as he climbed into the drivers side.
“You can't be older than 30.”
Shane laughed, giving her a glance as he started up and pulled out of the lot.
“I'll be turning 30 this year.”
“That's not old.” She told him, watching out the window curiously. “My mom is
turning 46 this year and my Uncle Linny is turning 52.”
“Your mama don't look that old.” Shane commented with raised brows, because
honestly the woman hadn't looked bad at all for 46. She'd looked worn and
tired, but if he'd guessed her age he would have said 30-35.
“Grandma Lenora said that it's in the Levitt genes, whatever that means.” She
told him, nearly pressing her nose to glass as they went through downtown.
“Lot of L names in your family.” He'd heard three already.
“Grandma Lenora says it's tradition. I'm Lonnie, mama's Loretta, Uncle Linny,
my cousin Leslie, who's my age, and two older cousins, Lewis and Lucy, then I
got two more uncles, Lucas and Logan and an Aunt Layla who lives in California
now. My great grandpa was named Liam and his ma was named Lacy. Got a couple
great aunts in there too.” She finally looked over her shoulder at him and gave
a shrug.
Shane whistled low, giving the little girl a smile. “That's a lot of L names to
remember.”
“Well, guess it's a good thing you only gotta remember mine then.” She grinned
and he laughed, pleased with the girls humor.
Ooooo0
“So whats with the girl?” Rick questioned him casually as the two of them stood
by the grill. Rick was in the process of flipping the burgers and hot dogs but
Shane had seen his frequent glances at the red head since they'd gotten here.
“Next door neighbors kid. Her mom was gonna leave her alone at home if I didn't
watch her.” He crossed his arms, leaning back against the BBQ as he watched
Lonnie. She was currently listening to Carl chatter in her ear, nodding every
so often with a serious expression, like Carl was telling her the secrets of
life. Carl had latched onto her since the moment he'd seen her and Shane was
glad that she seemed to be getting along with him fine. “Figured you wouldn't
mind.”
“What are you doing, Shane?” Rick asked him seriously, a little irritation
leaking into the man's voice as he watched Shane intensely.
Shane's brows rose as he turned to look at his friend. “What the hell are you
talkin' about?”
“You tryin' to get at this kids mom? Or what?” Rick crossed his arms, mirroring
Shane's posture. “That ain't right, using a little girl like that.”
“Fuck you, man.” Shane scowled, fury lighting up in his chest instantly at the
implication. “You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.”
“Then tell me.” Rick demanded, squaring up with him. “You never get involved
with kids, and this little girl already looks up to you, you can see it on her
face. You can't let her get attached and then run off like you do with all your
other flings.”
“Man, this ain't no fling. Her mama's like sixteen years older than I am.”
Besides that he was gay, but he'd never told Rick that. Angry at Rick's
insinuation, Shane could only shake his head as he tried to explain. “The kids
just a good kid, okay? Smarter than hell but her mama don't give a shit about
her.”
Rick just looked at him for a long time, blue eyes clear and piercing. “You
can't let that little girl get attached and then abandon her 'cause you lost
interest.”
Shane grimaced, pinching the bridge of his nose to hold back his anger at his
close friend. “Rick, that girl ain't got nobody to take care of her. Half the
time when I get off work she's there on the stairs, waiting for her mama to get
done with her latest fuck buddy.” He finally opened his eyes again, meeting
Rick's eyes. “I'm gonna be there if that little girl needs me, no matter what
you say, man. She's a good kid and she don't deserve me just walking past her
like she's nothing.”
His best friend squinted at him for a long time before he nodded and shelved
the topic. “She seems like a smart kid.” He told Shane neutrally.
“Hell, man, kids better at math than any other person I ever seen.” Shane
smirked, turning his eyes back to Lonnie, who was sitting with Carl patiently
while the little boy showed her his latest comic book. He ignored the hurt that
sizzled in his chest over Rick's assumptions, burying it deep like he always
did. “I seen her take some numbers and do all this shit in her head and come up
with the answer in seconds. Kid's probably a genius.”
Shane was unaware of the unconscious pride coloring his eyes, but Rick saw it
clear as day and he finally cracked a smile, watching his best friend moon over
the girl doing this or that.
00000 0000 0000000000000 000000000000000000 000000000000000000000 0000000000
000
The night Rick came back from the dead, Shane felt as though a huge weight was
being lifted from his chest. Rick would take care of it now. People would look
to Rick now for answers. But he also felt a sort of deadening dread too. Rick
would find out about Lori. Of course he would. Rick saw those sorts of things.
Sitting around the camp fire with the group, Lori and Carl curled close to
Rick, Shane hoped it wouldn't be soon. But at the same time, he felt like he
should say it. Should be the one to tell his best friend. But how did you tell
your best friend something like that?
As Rick finished telling his story, Shane couldn't help but smile though, even
through his dread. Rick was here and Rick would help him fix things. He always
helped fix things.
Then Rick went and opened his mouth and Shane felt his heart clench tight.
“Where's Lonnie? She sleeping already?” And the group turned to look at him,
most with curious eyes, because they hadn't ever heard the name before. Not in
all the stories told around the fire had any of them heard Shane mention that
name. Not even Lori had asked after the girl. Only Carl.
Shane looked down, twisting his hands tight around the bill of his hat. Around
his wrist his bracelets seemed to burn his skin. His voice was choked and rough
when he answered. “Nah, man, was too late.” He said and that was all Rick
needed to know. He didn't need to know that Shane dreamed about her body,
ripped apart in the apartment. Dreamed about the way she must have died in
agony as her mother or maybe her uncle bit into her.
“Shit, Shane, I'm sorry, brother.” Rick grimaced, pulling Carl closer, who
looked a little teary eyed at the mention of his best friend.
“Was Lonnie your wife?” Amy asked curiously, her head tilted and the expression
on her face gentle. Still Shane hated it and he could only shake his head.
It was Rick who answered for him. “His daughter, she was his daughter.” He said
firmly, like there was no argument, and even though she hadn't been Shane's
blood, she'd been his real daughter through and through for the past five years
and Rick knew that. Shane had been there for her more than either of her
parents ever had, hell she'd practically been living in his apartment by the
end.
“I bet she was a great kid.” Andrea said into the sudden quiet. Everyone was
exchanging wide shocked glances, finding it hard to believe Shane had had a
child. He hadn't mentioned her at all.
Shane wiped at his face, even though there weren't any tears. His eyes were
burning with them but he refused to let them fall here, instead he kept his
gaze on his hat. “She was the best.” His voice cracked and he cleared his
throat, trying again. “Had the reddest hair you'd ever seen, and she was smart
as a whip, that girl was. Could do numbers in her head in seconds. She'd ah
been turnin' thirteen here soon.” He didn't offer to take out the photo in his
wallet. They didn't need that and it was his to keep close.
That being said, he couldn't stand their eyes on him any more. Grief was
clawing up his throat like some kinda beast, ready to be let out and howl. But
he wouldn't do it, not here, in front of these people that hadn't know his
girl. Standing abruptly he turned and left, hearing Rick call after him but
pretending he didn't.
00000000 000000000 00000000 000000000 000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000
Lonnie, 12 Years Old
“Shane! Shane! Shane!”
Shane groaned, tucking his face closer against his pillow, trying to block out
Lonnie's insistent shouts. But she was hard to ignore, jumping up and down like
she was, making his whole bed wobble like it was about to fall down. Smirking
into his pillow, Shane waited for the perfect moment.
“Shane! Wake up! It's your birthday!” She timed each word with a hard bounce
across his mattress, voice cheerful despite the early hour. Light was only
barely beginning to come through his windows.
“So I should be able to sleep in.” He mumbled into his pillow, hiding his
laughter. Instead he tried to sound sleepy and grumpy.
“Come on! I have a surprise for you!” She leaned down to shake his shoulder and
he finally made his move.
Erupting off the bed, Shane caught the slender girl up in his arms, ignoring
the way she was shrieking with laughter as he rolled her up like a burrito in
his sheets. She struggled weakly as he flung her over his shoulder but she was
laughing to hard to really put up much of a fight.
“I think somebody needs a shower.” Shane said teasingly, beginning to whistle
cheerfully as he made his way into the bathroom.
“No!” She howled, tears of laughter running down her temples. She began to
wiggle in earnest as he opened the bathroom door. “Shane! Come on! No!”
“I don't know, as the birthday boy, I think it's my right to punish you.” Shane
said with a grin, digging one of his fingers into her side, right where he knew
she was the most ticklish. His grin widened when she began wiggling
frantically, her bubbly laugh spilling out.
“Please, no!” She shouted as he turned the shower on full blast. One of her
arms were almost free and she began bucking to get it the rest of the way out
but Shane clamped his arm gently around her, holding her prisoner as he lowered
her towards the shower spray. “No, no! Not the shower!”
“Are you going to surrender?” He asked, raising his brows at her with a playful
wiggle.
“Never!” She yelled through her laughter, trying to kick her legs through the
sheets like a frog.
“Oh, well, I guess you're gonna have to get wet then.” He began to lower her
again and for a minute he thought she wasn't gonna break. But then the ends of
her hairs got wet.
“Okay, I surrender!” She screamed with a grin as her hair began to get weighted
down with water.
“And?” Shane persisted, holding her steady over the water.
“And I won't wake you up before 8am!” She said immediately, rolling her eyes.
“Good.” He swung her down onto her feet, making sure she was stable before he
turned the shower back off. He watched with a grin as she tried to struggle out
of the sheet before giving her a hand pulling it away. “Now, what's this
surprise?”
“Oh, yeah, come on!” She snatched up his hand, yanking him behind her as she
headed towards the kitchen. Shane let her pull him, shaking his head at her
excitement. She'd really come a long way in the years since he'd met her. She'd
lost a lot of her shyness, at least around him. She'd turned into Carl's best
friend. She was doing great in school. That uncertain awkwardness seemed to
have disappeared too.
“Close your eyes!” She demanded, giving him a look. She'd also gotten pretty
damn bossy, he thought in amusement, even as he obeyed. Shane felt her tug him
a little farther, into the kitchen door way, then she disappeared from his
side. Waiting patiently Shane listened as she scampered across the room and
then back again.
“Ready yet?” He asked after a long pause of silence, raising his brows at
nothing, trying to keep his grin down.
“Okay, you can open you're eyes now.” She said, her voice a little hesitant all
of a sudden.
Opening his eyes, Shane blinked, giving it a minute for the image to sink in.
Then he smiled, feeling his heart rise up in his chest. Right there in the
middle of the kitchen counter was the ugliest birthday cake he'd ever seen. A
lopsided little square, maybe chocolate, with sickly looking green frosting
spread across the whole thing. There were thirty five lit little candles
dotting the top in the shape of the number thirty five. Drawn in icing along
the front were two little stick figures, one with a mop of red on his head and
the other almost twice it's height with little black squiggles for hair. Sat
beside the cake was a little package, neatly wrapped in newspaper, with a bow
stuck on top, also made from newspaper. Stood neck to the table was Lonnie,
biting her lip and shifting from foot to foot as she looked from Shane to the
cake. Really, it was the best damn thing he'd ever gotten for any of his
birthdays, just this image right here.
“I know it's kinda ugly, you know I can't draw worth anything, but I baked it
myself.” Lonnie told him when he didn't say anything for a long moment.
Stepping forward, Shane swept her up into a bear hug, squeezing her up tightly.
“It's the best damn cake I've ever seen, don't know what you're goin' on
about.”
Lonnie laughed, looking pleased with herself. “Well, you gotta blow the candles
out now.”
“First I think we need a picture.” Shane said lightly, wanting to always
remember this ugly little cake and this very moment. He plucked up his phone
from the side bar and pulled Lonnie close, making sure he got the cake in the
background.
“Okay, okay, you got your picture, not blow out the candles!” She insisted,
pushing his face away with a laugh and tugging his towards the table. “And make
sure you make a wish, okay?”
“Fine, fine, I'll make sure I make a wish.” He teased, pulling in a breath and
then blowing it all out, trying to catch all the candles in one go. “See that?
Talent.” He said when he managed to get them all.
“Yeah, yeah, when you're sixty and you can still blow out all the candles,
that'll be talent.” Lonnie told him with an eye roll before she snatched up his
present and held it out. That hesitant look was back on her face.
“You didn't have to get me nothing, you know that.” He told her gruffly,
pulling her in for a one armed hug.
“I know that.” She rolled her eyes again. “I made you something, so....I hope
you like it.”
“You know I'm gonna like anything you get me, no matter what.” Shane muttered,
even as he began to pull carefully at the wrapping paper. It was so
meticulously wrapped that he felt like he shouldn't just rip into it.
Inside the paper was a small flat box, the size of his palm and about two
inches thick. Prying up the lid, Shane plucked up the two bracelets nestled
inside. Examining the first he smiled, taking in their names, painted in neat
calligraphy. He knew the leaves under the names must have taken her a long time
to get right. She was definitely not lying when she said she couldn't draw.
Feeling a little choked up he moved on to the next and when he read the script
his fingers clenched tightly around the leather, feeling tears beginning to
burn behind his eyes. The Love Between A Father & Daughter Is Forever.
Looking up, Shane met Lonnie's gray eyes, feeling his chest tighten. She was
looking back at him, little hands clenched in her shirt, hesitation in every
line of her body. It only took him a moment to gather the girl up in his arms
again and hold her tight, close to his heart, where she was gonna stay for the
rest of his life. Clutching at his girl, his daughter in spirit, the best thing
in his life, Shane decided that this was definitely the best birthday he'd ever
had.
 
A/N: So, hope you guys liked the beginning. This was kinda a prologue.
Obviously this is going to be slightly AU. Not only am I making Shane gay,
which would change a ton of the story line, but I added some different life
experiences too. So this Shane is gonna be different than the one in the movie,
just by virtue of having experienced different things. Not to mention he's
still a little shell shocked by the whole thing. Oh, and eventually this will
be a Shane/Daryl story, don't see those too often but the idea intrigues me.
So....yeah
***** Coming And Going *****
Chapter Two: Coming and Going
Shane is drunk again, nearly as drunk as he'd been at the quarry, when Daryl
finds him. He's slumped in the very corner of the recreation room, bottle of
high end whiskey sitting between his legs, and the lights turned down real low.
The man had disappeared not long into the drinking, Lori not long after, and
when Lori had come back but not Shane, well, he'd gotten curious. From what
he'd gotten Shane was not the brunette's biggest fan, so he knew the woman
probably meant to corner Shane. There are red bleeding scratches on his neck
that prove Daryl right.
“Gonna share any ah that?” Daryl muttered, sliding down the wall beside the ex-
cop, pointing at the whiskey. “Ya gone and made off wit' all the good shit.”
Which was a lie, but one he figured Shane wouldn't question.
“Sure, man, take it, I ain't drinking no more of it.” Shane grimaced as he
handed the half full bottle over and Daryl noted his shaking fingers. Nerves or
pure drunkenness, he's not sure.
“Saw Olive Oyl make after ya.” He mumbled, biting into the edge of his thumb
for a second before taking a gulp of the whiskey. If he was gonna be talking
about his shit, he wanted to keep his buzz.
“Shit, man. I don't know what to do about that fucking problem.” Shane
shrugged, tilting his neck back against the wall. The way they were sitting
made Daryl realize that Shane was actually a few inches shorter than he was,
which surprised him. The cop carried himself all squared, shoulders back, made
him look bigger than he was. The cop had broader shoulders no doubt, but Daryl
was taller, with bigger biceps.
“What'd the bitch want?” Daryl gave the cop a side eye, watching the way
Shane's face pinched at his brows in stress. Man had had a rough few months,
Daryl reckoned. Especially with the she bitch riding his ass.
“She don't want me to tell Rick.” Shane shook his head with a miserable snort.
Daryl figured the guy probably wouldn't be so open talking about this shit
except he was wasted out of his head. He should probably leave the cop well
enough alone, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. “Says she'll
tell him I came onta her, make it sound like I tol' her that if she didn' put
out she could get out type ah thing. Like she had ta say yes, cuz she was
afraid fer Carl.”
“Fucked up.” Daryl muttered, because honestly it was. From what he'd over heard
Lori had taken advantage of Shane and now she wanted to blame him for all of
it. None of his business really, except his sudden interest in Shane.
“Yer tellin' me, man.” Shane's voice was getting more slurred, his accent more
prominent. “Like she didn't wait till I was pissed drunk and drop herself on my
dick. I was so drunk I couldn't of found my own damn dick let alone her pussy.”
Shane shook his head, slumping a little further into the wall. “And I'm fucking
gayer than fucking.....I don't know fairy dust, unicorns, whatever, ain't never
even been with a woman before that fucked up mistake.”
“Fer real?” Daryl squinted at the other man skeptically. He'd heard Lori
telling Andrea and Amy that Shane was a real ladies man before all this shit
happened.
.
“Never told nobody.” Shane hiccuped in a breath, closed his eyes and thunking
his head back against the wall. “Not even Rick. Course I told 'em stories, I
jus' never said it was a man instead of a woman. Wanted ta tell 'im, just, ya
know, bein' a cop and bein' gay is hard. Force don't like ta share a locker
with a faggot, ya know? Think I'm leerin' at them or some shit. Rick wouldn't
have told nobody, but I jus', I wanted ta keep that part of me separate. Woulda
told him eventually. Now it's gonna bite me in the fuckin' ass is what it's
gonna do.”
“He yer brother, ain't he?” Daryl asked quietly, scrunching his brows together.
He knew what Merle woulda done if Daryl ever told him he thought Shane was
pretty. That he'd had a filthy dream about him. He woulda beat Daryl black and
blue until Daryl promised never to think about that shit ever again. “Supposed
ta believe you.” Least he thought that was what brothers were supposed to do.
“That's his wife, man, he's been married ta her fer.....shit, I don't know, 18
years? High school sweet hearts and shit.” Shane rubbed his hands roughly over
his hair, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Maybe Olive Oyl shoulda thought of that 'fore she jumped yer drunk ass. What'd
she wait a week after we made camp?” Daryl swigged another gulp of whiskey,
having no idea why he was sitting here with this man. Maybe it was because he
was already half drunk. Maybe it was because he liked how dark Shane's eyes
were. Maybe he just felt like it, fucked if he knew.
“Two days. We were at camp fer two days.” Shane cringed, obviously thinking
back on the encounter. “Gotta say, don't like women any more than I did before,
actually I think I'm gayer than I was before.” He joked darkly, rolling his
shoulders. “Should go ta sleep before I get even more depressing.”
“Nah, shit happens, man, nothing you can do 'bout it. Wasn't yer fault ta begin
with.” Daryl told him, shaking his head at himself. Still not sure why he was
here talking to Shane but not wanting to leave either.
“I miss my little girl.” Shane suddenly shifted topic, nearly making Daryl's
head spin. Little girl? He hadn't heard nothing about no little girl. “ She
woulda cheered me up, woulda insisted.” He sniffed wetly and Daryl realized
with a kind of horrified fascination that the other man was crying. He'd never
seen the other man cry in the whole two months they'd been at the quarry, no
matter how tough it got.
“Thought you was gay? Daryl muttered, watching Shane huff from the corner of
his eyes. He didn't want to look directly at the tears pouring down the man's
face.
“She wasn't blood but she might as well have been. Loved her more than
anything, woulda done anything fer that little girl. You know it's her
thirteenth birthday in a little while?” Shane thunked his head back against the
wall again and then roughly wiped at his face, scrubbing at the tears.
“I think we done had our girl talk limit, man. Think you should hit the hay,
sleep off some ah this drink.” Daryl said, a little uncomfortable. It was clear
Shane was still grieving for the girl, no matter how stoic he acted anytime
else.
“Yeah, think yer right.” Shane muttered, pulling himself up slowly, using the
wall for support. He wavered, then laughed when he almost went toppling over.
“Christ, man, how much you drink?” Daryl snorted, having caught the man by the
elbow to keep him from nose diving. “Can't even hold yer damn alcohol.”
“Guess that's a damn fact nowadays.” The cop said darkly with a grimace,
thinking back on another night he hadn't held his liquor either.
“Come on, you can crash on the couch in my room.” Daryl offered gruffly,
pulling the shorter mans arm over his shoulders. He felt pleasantly warm from
the whiskey and he decided he liked the idea of Shane sleeping where he could
hear him. “Yer gonna choke on yer own fucking puke if yer not careful.”
“Thanks, man. Really, 'preciate it.” He muttered, his head coming to rest on
Daryl's shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the spinning. Man had to
be plum fucking wasted. Daryl could smell the whiskey on him, that on something
spicy that must have just been Shane.
“Nah, don't mention it.” Daryl said seriously. He didn't want no awkward thanks
or nothing like that in the morning. As it was the guy was definitely gonna be
feeling all that whiskey in the morning.
“Ya got pretty eyes.” Shane slurred against his shoulder, eyes closed and
slumped against him as Daryl dragged him towards the door.
Head whipping around, Daryl squinted at the drunk cop, his ears already turning
pink. “Now I know you done drank to much.” He mumbled, not sure why he'd liked
Shane saying that so much.
“Don't have ta be drunk ta notice.” Shane pointed out, more reasonably than
Daryl would have given his drunk mind.
Daryl opened his mouth to reply but closed it again when he saw exactly who was
hovering outside the door. Meeting Rick's eyes, Daryl studied the almost sick
expression on the man's face. Obviously he'd been listening in for a minute,
maybe even from the beginning. The cop was slumped against the wall, blue eyes
dark, one hand clenched on the back of his neck, like he was keeping himself
steady. His eyes were tormented as they rested on his best friend. Glancing at
Shane, who still had his eyes closed and was slowly giving Daryl more of his
weight, Daryl decided not to say anything. Guy'd had a shit night already,
didn't need to add this too. Instead Daryl gave Rick a nod and firmly steered
Shane around him without the man ever even realizing there was another person
there.
00000 00000000 00000000 0000000 000000000 000000000000 00000000
Lonnie ducked behind the counter, feeling her heart thud painfully in her
chest. There were five of those things passing the window of the little gas
station she was holed up in. She knew she might be able to knock three of them
down and get away but five was definitely not an option. Keeping her breathing
quiet, Lonnie scuttled further into the shadows behind the counter, taking her
backpack with her. If she needed to run out the back she had to keep her pack
with her and ready to grab.
As she waited Lonnie tried to keep her eyes from tearing, feeling her throat
get tight. Blinking back the tears she pressed herself against the shelves
tightly, feeling them dig into her back. She hated this the worst, being stuck
and unable to move. She felt trapped and her skin was crawling, just listening
to those things outside. Being stuck also gave her time to think, which she
might hate more then anything these days. Moving always gave her something to
do, things to watch, precautions to take. But being still like this and
waiting, she didn't have anything but thinking.
She'd been alone a while now, nearly two months, pretty much since this whole
thing had started. After what she'd seen some of the other survivors do, she
guessed she was lucky to be alone. But she didn't feel like she was lucky. Not
without Shane.
Pressing her hand to her mouth, Lonnie pressed her back closer to the shelves.
She'd looked for him, when this all started. But he hadn't been at the station
when she'd finally made it there. It'd taken her longer than she thought to get
through town though, what with everybody panicking. But he hadn't been there,
so she'd reluctantly gone back home to wait for him there. It wasn't until she
got there that she realized her mistake. As she'd topped the stair well she'd
immediately seen the broken down door and she'd known right away. Known that
he'd tried to find her but she hadn't been there. Instead he'd found that mess,
with her cousin Leslie on the floor and her mother and Uncle Linney turned into
those things.
She hadn't known what to do after that. She'd just kinda stopped there in the
hall and her brain just hurt. Without Shane she just......didn't know where to
go. Her mom and Uncle Linney were dead.....or infected or whatever this was.
Her real dad lived a few hours away, and he might not even be home besides. Or
he might be gone already too. She didn't have nobody else. Not close enough for
her to get too. So what did she do?
What would Shane have done? Was what she'd thought to herself. He'd been at the
hospital with Rick to begin with today. Shane would have come here first to get
her. Then....he would have tried to get Carl and Lori out. She had to get there
before they left without her!
As she'd gone to turn, to bolt down the stairs as fast as she could, a low
drawn out noise had snatched her attention. She'd looked and then wished she
hadn't. There was her mom, stumbled out of their apartment, ragged, skin gray,
clothes covered in blood, with Uncle Linney just a step behind. She'd stared,
horrified, and then she'd heard what must have been Leslie too, a scraping
dragging noise from within the apartment. She'd seen them of course, before
she'd left the first time, but seeing them again wasn't any easier. Choking on
a sob, she'd scrambled down the stairs, leaving her blood family behind to
follow Shane.
Only she'd gotten to Carl's and it's been already too late. They'd been gone,
photos and albums snatched up behind them. She'd remembered sinking to her
knees in the middle of their living room, struck dumb, and she hadn't gotten up
for almost a whole day. She thought maybe it could have been shock or
something, but she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she'd snapped out of it
eventually and then she'd tried to think of where Shane would go.
There were two options she could think of off the top of her head. The first
choice was Atlanta, only because she'd heard on the radio that there was some
kind of refugee camp there. Shane might have gone there, thinking of Lori and
Carl. Or he could have thought of Fort Benning. It was the closest military
base and it should be safe, and Shane would know that. But Atlanta was the
closest.
She'd spent the rest of the day scrounging around, looking for the things she
needed. She couldn't drive so she'd had to walk, but she'd never been to
Atlanta so she had to have a map. She'd ended up with a good sized duffle bag
of odds and ends, anything she found that she thought might be useful. She'd
slung it over her back and began walking, determined to find Shane before he
moved on.
Of course even the best made plans got screwed up. Now nearly two months into
her trip, she'd made it to Atlanta, barely. Only to find it a ghost town, or
she guessed an undead town would be more appropriate. Shane wasn't here, might
not have ever come here. Which meant she had to get to Fort Benning.
Taking a deep breath, fighting back her tears at last, Lonnie listened
carefully. After a minute of hearing nothing she peeked cautiously over the
counter. The windows of the gas station were clear, but she knew that really
didn't mean much. For whatever reason those things sometimes went still and
didn't move until they heard something. Those ones were the ones that were hard
to spot, the most dangerous. And here in the city she had to be extra careful
because attracting even a little bit of attention was bad.
Later that day, camped out on the roof of a small fish and game store, just on
the outskirts of Atlanta, Lonnie nearly jumped clean out of her skin when an
explosion ripped through the air. Eyes flying up, scanning the horizon, she
spotted it, not far but not close either. Which meant that explosion was huge.
Big plumes of smoke were curling up into the sky, attracting all the wrong
kinds of attention. Down below, in the alley, some of the biters began to get
excited, near breaking into a run. Shielding her eyes, Lonnie squinted at the
fire, hoping those people knew to get out quick.
With a shake of her head, Lonnie went back to scanning her map, the same one
she'd had since the start. She'd marked her route out with a thin black pen,
meandering through a part of her map. Her route had been mostly indirect, as
she'd circled around obstacles or back tracked for supplies. Now she bit her
lip as she tried to decide the best route to Fort Benning.
Really her choices were either a direct route or an indirect route. She'd found
that back roads were often safer and with less obstacles and biters. But if she
went that route, then she had less of a chance of finding Shane if he was
traveling too. All through her trip she'd kept a close eye out for his jeep,
but she hadn't seen it. As she thought about it Lonnie wasn't quite sure what
to do. She'd walked to Atlanta but Fort Benning was farther. Could she really
walk that distance? She was sure she could but how long would it take?
Huffing at herself, Lonnie tipped her head back again to peer at the billowing
smoke in the distance. Maybe what she needed was a car. Or maybe a truck, with
bigger tires so she could take it off road. She'd seen enough traffic snarls to
know sometimes the road wasn't an option. Only she didn't really know how to
drive. Oh, she'd sat it Shane lap and he'd let her steer his jeep around the
parking lot, but he'd never let her control the gas and brakes. She'd have to
find something with the keys still inside and that actually still started. That
and she'd have to have some way of getting gas along the road.
Wrinkling her nose, she supposed she should be glad her real dad was a no good
asshole. She'd seen him siphon the gas from the next store neighbors generator
before, which she thought was sorta the same as doing it from a car. So all
she'd need was a long length of tubing and a few gas cans. She might as well
find all of that stuff while she was here in the city, where she was more
likely to find it.
Nodding her head to herself, Lonnie pulled out her little spiral note book,
that she kept to keep track of the days and where she'd been, she began to make
herself a list of things she wanted before she left the city. She wasn't likely
to be in a city as big as this one again in a long time and she needed to make
sure she grabbed what she could. The little places farther out of the city were
already getting looting by people, so this was the most likely place for her to
stock up. Tongue between her teeth, she stayed up on the roof until the next
morning, making sure she'd tried to think of everything she'd need just in
case. If her real daddy had been good for one thing, it was that he taught her
to be prepared for anything, no matter what.
000000000000 00000000000 0000000000000 0000000000 0000000000 000000000
Lonnie, 11 Years Old, Two Months Prior To Outbreak
Lonnie looked up from her book as Carl shifted in his seat for the fifth time
in the last minute. The two of them were sitting out on the Grime's back porch,
on the bench swing with the cushions Lonnie liked. They'd both been reading,
Carl his newest comic book and Lonnie her copy of Sherlock Holmes. But ten
minutes ago Carl had started almost wiggling in his seat. He had that look on
his face that she knew meant he wanted to say something but he just wasn't sure
how to get it out. So she waited patiently, hiding her smile by keeping her
head down.
“Hey, Lonnie, we've been best friends a while, right?” Carl finally asked,
nervously plucking at a loose thread on his jeans
“Almost four years.” She confirmed with a nod, finally looking up at him and
setting her book to the side. Carl always got her full attention, no matter
what. She got carried away when she was reading so she tried not to do it with
Carl, because he was her best friend and she liked listening to what he had to
say. Usually it was funny, and it was never anything stupid. So she tried her
best to always give him her full attention and listen.
“Well, it's just.....well....” He nearly stuttered, his pale cheeks tinging
pink. His eyes, which she always thought were such a pretty bright blue,
flickered to her face before he looked away again.
“Carl?” She set her hand over his, where it was still fiddling with his pants
and waited until he looked at her again before she smiled. “You know you can
tell me anything, that's what best friends are for, right?”
“Right!” Carl breathed out a huge breath of air, returning her smile as his
fingers tangled with hers. He seemed to have regained some of his usual
confidence. “Just, you know, I really like you, Lonnie.” He kept his eyes on
her face, waiting for her reaction.
Scrunching her brows Lonnie cocked her head to the side. “Of course you like
me, if ya didn't we wouldn't be friends.” She said, a little confused.
Carl laughed, shaking his head at her. Lonnie was smart, smartest girl he'd
ever met, but sometimes she just didn't understand things. But that was okay,
that was why he was there. “No, Lonnie, I mean I like like you.”
“Oooooh.” Lonnie's eyes widened in surprised. She'd never had a boy like like
her. They all thought she was weird. Half her friends only hung out with her
because she was attached to Carl.
“Yeah. So I was wondering if maybe.....you know, you'd be my girlfriend? Scott
asked Maddie if she'd be his girlfriend yesterday and I thought......that maybe
we'd make a really good pair?” He smiled at her, his cheeks still tinged with a
dusting of pink, making his freckles stand out.
Lonnie smiled at him brightly, feeling like her heart was about to beat right
out of her chest. She'd like liked Carl too, had for a while, but she never
thought he'd want to be more than friends with her. And she'd never want to do
anything that would destroy her friendship with Carl. Not ever.
“I'd really like that.” Lonnie told him, giving him a sudden kiss on the cheek.
She'd done it before, they were best friends after all but this time it made
Carl flush even redder as he grinned back at her. Then her brain caught up with
her and she frowned a little, biting her lip.
“What is it?” Carl asked nervously, concerned about the sudden frown on her
face. Did she not like him? Had he asked her and ruined everything? Did she-?
“Well, it's just that I'd really like to be your girlfriend but Shane says I'm
not old enough to have a boyfriend yet.” She told him uncertainly. And she
usually listened to what Shane told her.
Carl nodded, feeling disappointed but not completely, since she'd said she
wanted to. He also knew how important Shane was to her, so he didn't try to
convince her otherwise. “How old did he say you had to be?” He asked instead.
Lonnie shrugged, looking out into the yard, narrowing her eyes as she thought
it over. “I guess maybe thirteen? I'd be a teenager then so I guess that'll be
old enough?” She looked back at him hesitantly. Carl was generally the one that
knew the answers to those kinds of things.
“That's in two years.” Carl nodded again, biting his lip in thought. “I can
wait, we'll just be best friends until then.” His answer got a brilliant smile
from the redhead.
“What're you even supposed to do when you're dating?” She asked after a moment
of silence, squinting a little. She'd never paid much attention to how married
couples acted or what people that dated did. Her mother was never with the same
guy more than once, sometimes twice, and that wasn't dating.
Carl leaned back in the swing, setting it swinging lightly with his bare toes
as he thought the question over. “I guess I'd love you, and tell you you're the
prettiest girl I know every day.” He was blushing a little but he continued
anyway when she squeezed his hand. “I'd remember your birthdays and I'd get you
candy on valentines day. I'd take care of you, you know, carry your books to
class for you and make sure no body picked on you.”
“That sounds really nice, Carl.” Lonnie told him, leaning into his side with a
blush.
“And then, when we get to high school, we'd go to all those dances together and
everybody will be jealous 'cause we love each other so much.” He continued with
a grin, tilting his head back as he thought up their future. “And when we get
to college I'll make sure you eat, even though you'll wanna study all the time,
and make sure you have fun. And if we go to different colleges I'd call you
every day and we'd make sure we visited each other until we graduated.”
“Hmm.” Lonnie urged him on with a little sound, resting her head on his
shoulder. The affection was common between the two of them, had been since
they'd met, and neither even thought twice about it now.
“And we'll both get great jobs, you doing something with numbers 'cause you
love them so much, and I'll be a cop, just like dad and Shane.” He grinned at
the thought, blowing a strand of her fiery hair away from his face. “Then we'll
get married and we'll come home every day and I'll ask you how your day was and
tell you I was the luckiest guy ever. Then we'll have two kids, a girl to look
just like you and a boy that looks like me. “ Of course he only had the think
back on his parents recent fighting to know life wasn't like that really, but
he and Lonnie would make it work. So he tacked it on to his plan, just to say
it. “And sometimes we'd fight 'cause we were being stupid, but we'd say I love
you anyway and it'd get better. And we'd live to be really old and still
happy.”
Lonnie turned to look up at him with a mischievous grin, the one he thought
made her eyes look extra gray. “You didn't say anything about what I'd do for
you?” She asked, raising her brows.
Carl shrugged. “I guess you'd just have to be you. I like you just like you.”
He said carelessly, which was the truth. He liked almost everything about
Lonnie. In his young mind he wouldn't have her any differently.
“Well, I don't think that's very fair.” Lonnie sniffed playfully. “I think it's
my turn to tell you what I think.”
Carl smiled, happy with the situation. Peter from next door had said last week
that Lonnie was the prettiest girl in their class, which was true, and Carl was
glad she was his best friend. “What do you think, then?"
“I'd love you too, and make sure to tell you every day.” Her mother hadn't ever
told her she loved her and she imagined it'd be nice to hear it every day. “I'd
make sure I remembered your birthdays too and valentines day. I'd carry my own
books, 'cause I'm not a sissy, but I'd let you walk me to class since I like to
see you between classes. If anybody tried to mess with you I'd make sure I
pranked them really bad too.” Which she did that already. Last week she'd
dumped a Gardner snake down the back of Greg's pants because he'd called Carl a
baby. “And we'd go to all those dances and dance our butts off and all the
other girls will be jealous 'cause I'll be with the cutest boy there.”
“Oh, come one!” Carl protested, face red but smiling. “I'm gonna be handsome,
not cute.”
Lonnie rolled her eyes but corrected herself anyway. “Okay, they'll be jealous
'cause I'm with the most handsome boy there. And when we go to college I'll
help you with your math and make sure you get good grades and if we're not in
the same college I'll call every day because I'll miss you really bad. Then
we'll get married and you'll be really happy being a cop and I'll do something
with numbers 'cause I love them so much.” Here she shot him a smile. “I'll ask
you about all the bad guys you arrested and you'll tell me all about it while
we eat dinner together and then I'll tell you that I'm the luckiest girl alive,
to have a husband like you. And then we'll have two kids, only the boy will
look like me and I'll teach him math and the girl will look like you and you'll
teach her how to roll around in the mud.”
“I don't always roll in the mud!” He denied, which was a lie. Lately he'd made
every effort he could to get dirty, just to see the look on his moms face when
she saw him.
She ignored him and continued. “And we'd fight 'cause we're both stubborn but
we'd forgive each other before we went to bed and say I love you no matter
what. And then we'd get really old and still be happy with each other.” She
finished with a nod.
“I think that sounds pretty cool.” Carl nodded too and the two of them sat for
a while in silence, thinking it over. He knew grown ups were complicated and
things were different when people grew up, but he found himself hoping that
this plan, as imagined as it was, didn't change. He'd just have to make sure.
“So does this mean that if I ask you to be my girlfriend on my thirteenth
birthday that you'll say yes?”
Lonnie laughed, swatting at him as she picked her book back up. “Yeah, I guess
it does.”
000
“Don't look at me, man, don't know where he gets that. I sure as hell wasn't
ever that smooth.” Rick told Shane, eyes laughing. The two men were in the
living room, the window cracked, and they'd heard every word of the
conversation between the eleven year olds.
“God dammit, gonna have ta beat the guys off with a stick once she gets older.”
Shane muttered, taking a slug of his beer. Despite himself though his lips were
curled up into a smirk.
Carl and Lonnie had hit it off right away, ever since Carl laid eyes on the
girl really. Hell, he'd ignored every other one of his friends to chatter her
ear off the first time he'd seen her. And Lonnie wasn't much better. Usually
she was socially awkward with anyone her own age but with Carl she'd latched
right on and then it'd been history after that. And of course it hadn't been
any surprise that Carl had a crush on her, he made it about as plain as day.
“Carl's a good kid, don't figure I gotta worry about him. Not with her.” He
finally shrugged, which was the truth. He thought the kid would probably run
through fire rather than hurt her.
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