Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/11524329. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: M/M Fandom: Supernatural Relationship: Castiel/Dean_Winchester Character: Dean_Winchester, Castiel Additional Tags: Anal_Fingering, First_Time_Bottoming, Bottom_Dean, Top_Castiel, Fluff_and Smut Series: Part 16 of The_Babysitter_Chronicles Stats: Published: 2017-07-17 Words: 3055 ****** Exploring Who We Are ****** by crowleyhasfeels Summary Dean has graduated from high school and it is time for them to celebrate. But things do not always go as planned ... sometimes they go ... better.             “Hey, you,” Castiel greeted Dean as he came in through the front door. “How was your day?”             Dean made his way across the living room and took Castiel into his arms, hugging him tightly. His day had been completely exhausting, though not in the bad way he had imagined it would be. He got to see his brothers and his mother and he even got to see his father. They all laughed and they cried and they hugged. Things were not where they could be but Dean knew there was hope. He could have his family back and still be with Castiel. That is all he could ever want.             “I love you more than anything in this world,” Dean spoke into Castiel’s shoulder. “Baby and Jimmy don’t count.”             “Good,” Castiel rubbed his hand up and down Dean’s back. “Then, in that case, I love you more than anything in this world as well.”             “I went and saw my family today,” Dean informed Castiel, letting him know why he had gotten so emotional all a sudden. “I think everything is going to be okay. It is going to take time, but it’s going to be okay.”             “I always figured it would,” Castiel finally pulled away from Dean. “I don’t see how anyone could not be in your life for very long.”             “Yeah,” Dean laughed, but Castiel gripped his hand tight.             “I mean it,” Castiel pulled Dean over to the couch to sit down. “I couldn’t imagine my life without you, When I tell you that I love you, I mean it with all that I am.”             “I know,” Dean smiled over at him. “It took me a while to see it but I know you love me, just as much as I love you.” _____             “So,” Castiel stepped out of the bathroom and crawled up onto the bed. “How would you like to start your weekend of celebrating tomorrow?”             “Actually,” Dean gave Castiel a smile. “I kind of have an idea.”             “And that would be?” Castiel sat down on his legs, looking Dean over. Castiel was always one for the straight forward, even though he didn’t show it in the beginning. He liked to get to the point.             “I was thinking we could stay in bed all weekend,” Dean looked down at his hands, not sure he would be able to handle the look on Castiel’s face.             When Castiel didn’t say anything, Dean finally looked up, and he was right. The look of shock and pure lust was almost too much for Dean to handle. It made his stomach turn a million miles an hour and his heart race in his chest.             “I like that idea,” Castiel pushed himself up and crawled over until he was straddling Dean’s waist. “How about we start now?”             “I was hoping you would say that,” Dean leaned up and captured Castiel’s mouth with his own.             “Tell me what you want,” Castiel groaned between broken kisses and slips of the tongue.             “You know what I want,” Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist and pushed his hips up, grinding his erection against Castiel’s ass.             “Dean,” Castiel pulled back and looked Dean in the eyes. The look was dark but thrilling all the same. It caused Dean’s breathing to slow and his heart to skip a few beats. Breathe, Dean. Breathe.“Tell me … what you want.”             “Oh God,” Dean swallowed hard, involuntarily pushing his hips up into Castiel again.             “Tell me,” Castiel leaned forward and nibbled at the skin just below Dean’s ear. “I need you to tell me.”             “I …” Dean’s brain had short-circuited suddenly. Castiel was constantly turning down what he wanted. Would he really give it to him this time? Should he ask for something else? “I want you to fuck me.”             “Dean,” Castiel growled against Dean’s neck. Every hair on Dean’s body stood on end.             “I want you to make love to me,” Dean corrected, knowing how much Castiel hated that Dean wanted him to ‘fuck’ him. At least, fuck wasn’t the appropriate word for the first time.             Castiel pulled away from Dean and climbed off the bed. This caused Dean’s mind to panic. Had he messed up? Was that not what Castiel was asking for? He felt like it was what Castiel was asking for. Shit.             “Take off your boxers and get on top of the covers,” Castiel instructed as he worked himself out of his own boxers.             Dean did as he was told, discarding his boxers and tossing them across the room toward the hamper. When they landed perfectly in the hamper, Dean could not help but push his fist up into the air. This caused Castiel to laugh.             Dean quickly pulled himself back together and laid down in the middle of the bed. He was both shaking from excitement and nervousness. He had wanted this for so long and it was finally going to happen, at least, he hoped that it was finally happening.             Castiel placed his boxers onto the dresser since he had just put them on after his shower. He opened one of the smaller drawers in the dresser and pulled out a bottle of lube. They had both agreed to get tested a while back and when the tests came back that they were in the clear, they agreed that they would not use condoms anymore. Castiel was still a little unsure of the situation, but Dean had put his foot down. Castiel’s worry was strictly Dean, and so Dean should get the deciding factor in things that involve him. Castiel finally agreed and so condoms became a thing of the past. This excited Dean even more. For his first time, he was going to get to feel Castiel inside of him, he was truly going to get to feel Castiel.             Castiel set the lube down on the bed and stood down by Dean’s feet, looking him over. Dean could feel his cheeks flush red. Castiel had seen him naked more times than he could count, but he had never just sat and looked at him. Dean was not sure what to make of the situation, causing him to squirm; the smile on Castiel’s face made Dean decide he liked the squirming.             “You’re beautiful,” Castiel breathed out as he climbed onto the bed between Dean’s legs, holding himself up on his knees. “And you’re all mine.”             “Forever,” Dean choked out; not because he didn’t believe the words, but because his brain was having trouble getting his body to make words.             “I know,” Castiel smiled up at Dean before moving his attention to Dean’s feet.             Castiel ran his fingers over the tops of Dean’s feet and it took everything Dean had to not kick at the tickle. This was too important of a moment to ruin with stupid, uncontrollable laughter. But the desire to laugh quickly disappeared when Castiel’s fingers glided up the sides of his ankles and pressed a little firmer into his calves. He massaged his fingers around, hitting spots Dean never even imagined desired to be touched. Dean let out a soft moan when Castiel’s fingers grazed the backs of his knees, his body twitching in response.             “Fuck,” Dean closed his eyes for a moment, taking in every feeling.             “Patience,” Castiel laughed, a true, honest, beautiful laugh. This only caused Dean to blush harder and his heart to race faster. This man, this true, honest, beautiful man, was in love with him.             “I love you,” Dean could not hold his emotions in. “I love you so damn much.”             The touches stopped and Dean’s eyes flickered open, looking down between his legs at Castiel, who was now sitting there, just looking at Dean, an unreadable expression on his face. Dean was about to say something, to try and find out why, when Castiel moved up and covered Dean’s body with his own, their faces only inches apart.             “Thank you,” Castiel brushed his lips lightly over Dean’s forehead, before pressing his lips down a little firmer.             “For what?” Dean raised his head, hovering his lips against Castiel’s.             “Just, thank you.”             Castiel pushed himself forward, his erection digging in between Dean’s thighs and down the length of his own erection. Both men groaned out simultaneously, their mouths once again finding each other. This time the kisses were not sweet or hovering, they were hard, desperate and hungry; a reflection of how Dean was currently feeling.             “Do you trust me?” Castiel asked the question, one he had asked many times before. Dean had gotten onto him about it a few times, telling him it was not necessary but this time, it felt necessary; it was necessary for Castiel.             “Yes,” Dean nodded, unable to resist the urge to push up and grind against Cas. “With everything I am.”             Castiel ran his hands down Dean’s sides, over his stomach and then between his legs. Dean cried out at the sensation. His body was begging for more, anything and everything Castiel was willing to give him.             “I’m ready,” Dean whispered into Castiel’s mouth and Castiel nodded.             Castiel moved off Dean and settled back between his legs. His hands were visibly shaking and Dean almost laughed. How had this strong, authoritative, in control of everything, man … become scared?             “Spread your legs,” Castiel said, almost stuttering over his words. Somehow, Castiel’s nervousness took away a bit of his own. Dean did as he was told.             Castiel ran his fingers over Dean’s thighs and up over the lower part of his stomach. He was purposefully avoiding Dean’s dick, which was both hot and agonizingly painful, all at the same time. Dean knew this needed to happen slowly, not just for Castiel, but for himself as well. He did not have unrealistic expectations as to what was going to happen. The chances of it being a little uncomfortable were high. Slow was good. But damn, he was going so slow.             When Castiel reached over and grabbed the lube, Dean’s breath hitched. His body felt like it was on fire and the only thing that could keep it from getting out of control was Castiel. He needed Castiel, on him, inside of him, losing control with him.             Castiel popped open the lid and coated two of his fingers with lube, it was almost a laughable amount of lube but Dean was grateful, the more lube they used, the easier this would be. He then began to rub his fingers together, trying to warm up what he could before he finally placed a single finger against Dean’s ass.             “Oh,” Dean cried out, his body tensing slightly but he quickly relaxed. This was Cas and it was not like it was the first time Cas had his fingers inside of him. But this time was different.             Dean worked to relax as Cas took his time, running his finger slowly but firmly against Dean’s entrance. Once Cas could see that Dean was more relaxed, he pushed forward a little more, breaching Dean. Dean hissed at the feeling but took a few deep breaths to calm himself down.             Castiel slowly worked his finger around inside of Dean until Dean was moaning in a pleasurable way. That was Castiel’s queue to add in another finger. Castiel pulled his finger out, added a little more lube and then slowly pushed two fingers inside, stopping occasionally to let Dean get used to the sensation. He then turned his fingers and worked to find Dean’s prostate, rubbing it once it was discovered. Dean cried out at the feeling, arching his back off the bed.             “No,” Dean cried out and Castiel pulled his fingers back. They were still inside of Dean but not by much and he wasn’t moving. Dean quickly worked to assure Cas that he didn’t need to stop being inside of him, though his words were stuttered out. “Just … hold off on that spot for … for now. It’s … too much.”             Castiel smiled, once he realized he was not hurting Dean, just over stimulating him. As much as he wanted to drive Dean absolutely insane, he wanted this to be something more for Dean, so he made sure to continue on, just … without rubbing his prostate. Though, Cas will admit that the few times he accidentally ghosted over it were not by mistake.             “Cas,” Dean grabbed hold of the blankets, his eyes sporting so much black the green was almost unreadable. “Please. I need you, baby, please.”             Castiel had not wanted to hurt Dean, so he had been taking more time than he normally would, to open him up. But Dean was writhing beneath him, his body begging, just as much as his mouth was, and Castiel decided it was time. He would go slow.             Castiel pulled his fingers out of Dean, which elicited another hiss, followed by a slight whine when Dean realized how empty he felt. Castiel could understand the feeling. It was the feeling he got every time Dean pulled his own fingers out of Castiel.             “Please,” Dean begged again, his hips pushing up from the bed. Castiel growled at how hot Dean was and how badly he wanted him in return. He knew that he made Dean wait for this for a reason but right now, it seemed almost trivial; Dean loved him. Dean had loved him for a very long time.             Castiel grabbed the lube and poured some directly onto his cock, another laughable amount but this could not hurt. He needed this to be good for Dean. He wanted to be good for Dean.             Once his cock was nice and coated, he positioned himself between Dean’s legs. Dean bent his knees, resting his legs against Castiel’s sides. Castiel reached down and grabbed his cock, leaning forward so that the head was pushing against Dean’s entrance. He slowly pushed himself in until the head was inside of Dean, his eyes rolling back into his head at the sensation.             Castiel pushed in a little more, stopping again for Dean to relax. He did this at an agonizingly slow rate, driving himself and Dean crazy but neither of them said anything about it; they knew it needed to be done this way. This continues until Castiel is all the way inside of Dean. He then sits there, waiting for Dean to completely relax around him before slowly pulling out and then pushing himself back in, a little faster than the first time. Castiel could come alone from how tight Dean was wrapped around his cock.             “Baby,” Dean’s words were broken and rugged, pulling Cas’ attention down to his fully lust blown eyes. “Move.”             Castiel nodded, realizing that he did not have to treat Dean like a piece of glass. Dean would tell him if it was too much, they were good at communicating what they wanted and what they did not enjoy. Castiel could not ask for a better sexual partner than Dean had been. So, he did as he was told. Castiel picked up speed, pushing in fast and just a little harder with each thrust. Soon, he had picked up to a rhythm that had them both panting.             Castiel twisted their positions slightly, allowing for himself to bend forward and pull Dean up just enough for their mouths to find each other. Dean licked and bit at Castiel’s mouth, breaking their lips apart occasionally to let out the occasional moan or cry of pleasure. That is when Castiel can see it; that look in Dean’s eyes that always mean’s the same thing. Dean is going to come soon.             Castiel reached down between them and began to pull at Dean’s cock, stroking it tightly between his fingers. It only took a moment and Dean was crying out, coming between the both of them. Castiel wanted to hold on a little longer but the way Dean’s ass tightened around his cock threw him over the edge. He came so hard he was sure he was going to pass out. Luckily, if he did, Dean would be there to catch him.             Castiel laid on top of Dean until his cock softened up and slipped out. Dean winced at the empty feeling that it left behind but at the same time, it was a feeling that he wanted to have many more times. He once thought that fucking Castiel could be enough, that he would be okay without having Castiel inside of him, but he was wrong. Having Castiel buried inside of him was his new favorite feeling and he wasn't going to let Castiel tell him no again.             Castiel slowly sat himself up on the bed and brought himself to shaky legs. He then disappeared into the bathroom and came out with two washcloths to clean them both up but Dean brushed it away.             “I need to shower,” Dean laughed, looking down at the mess he had made all over himself and Castiel. “You should join me.”             “I can do that,” Castiel smiled, helping Dean to his feet.             Castiel followed Dean into the bathroom and kissed him while they waited for the water to get hot; soft, lazy kisses, the kind you saved for Sunday mornings when you didn’t want to get out of bed. They continued with the kisses once in the shower, neither ready to be apart from the other.             “Cas?” Dean pulled away, bringing his eyes up to lock with Castiel’s.             “Yeah?”             “Why did you make me wait?” Dean asked, having been curious for months now.             “I needed to be sure,” Castiel ran his hand through his hair nervously.             “Sure of what?”             “That you were all in.”             “All in?”             “You have me, Dean,” Castiel’s voice was softer than normal, scared almost. “You have all of me, completely.”             “Marry me,” Dean blurted out, not sure of where the words came from but he did not regret them at all.             “What?” Castiel shook his head, startled. “Why? What? Dean?”             “Marry me,” Dean dropped to his knees in front of Castiel, though he didn’t really have a ring to give the man. “So that I can have all of you, completely, forever. And so you can have all of me as well.”             “I love you,” Castiel dropped to his knees, bringing himself down to Dean’s level. “I love you so damn much.”             “Is that a yes?” Dean raised a questioning eyebrow at Castiel.             “Yes,” Castiel nodded, lunging forward and kissing Dean, hard and frantic. “One hundred percent yes.” Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!