Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/8119765. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Major_Character_Death, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: M/M Fandom: 弱虫ペダル_|_Yowamushi_Pedal Relationship: Midousuji_Akira/Onoda_Sakamichi, Manami_Sangaku/Midousuji_Akira Character: Midousuji_Akira, Onoda_Sakamichi, Naruko_Shoukichi, Imaizumi_Shunsuke, Manami_Sangaku Additional Tags: Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Slow_Burn, Ghosts, talking_shit_about psychology_students, ABSENCE_OF_BIKES, Horror, unpractical_backpack contents, POV_First_Person, poorly_designed_buildings, Trauma, Flashbacks, Manami_is_kind_of_a_little_bit_the_worst_person_ever, Oops, copious_evangelion_references, sinning_in_the_school_library, skeletons ooh_scary, Ghost_Sex, why_is_that_a_tag_good_lord, Porn_With_Plot, Post- Traumatic_Stress_Disorder_-_PTSD, Started_as_a_course_assignment_and evolved_into_degeneracy Stats: Published: 2016-09-23 Completed: 2016-10-19 Chapters: 8/8 Words: 10202 ****** Everybody Loves You (When You're Dead) ****** by shalashaska Summary Onoda realises that one particular kid in his psychology class has some unusual habits. He decides to confront him about it, and they end up playing a game of sorts. Spoopiness ensues.   It's basically halloween??? so??? (TAGS WILL BE ADDED) ***** Entering The Disco ***** I had sat through this lesson several times already. They scattered, chairs grinding against the carpet and feet dragging bodies toward the classroom door with that last surge of Friday afternoon energy. I followed. The halls were grayscaled, numbered panels bolted to each door. I let the crowd drag me through towards another door, the inside shrouded in tell-tale darkness. I slipped inside, feeling for the cold plastic of the lightswitch. Empty. Weaving in and out of the desk rows I made like I was searching for something in the supply closet, letting my fingers stumble over the spines of battered textbooks. I already knew where it was, of course. I tugged it free from the grip of its clones, peeling back the front cover to examine the thin sheet of paper stapled on the inside. The staple was lopsided. There was my name, on the top of the list in fading black ink. “NAME: Midousuji Akira DATE: 1994 CONDITION: new” I remembered what it looked like when it was new. I remembered the feel of the glossy pages on my fingertips. The edges of the pages were torn and contorted. Everything was. The paper was rough and defeated. I had loved that fountain pen - my writing looked great. I had run out of ink cartridges a few months ago. It was still in my backpack, neglected. I closed it with an aged clap of pages on pages, sliding it back into its place. They were gone, now. Teachers were starting to appear in the hallways, gravitating towards the staff lounge and clutching their folders and books in tired arms. One of them recognised me, turned their face to stare at me through the door window. I didn’t even look directly at them, waving a hand to signal that I didn’t need help. They stared for a moment, puzzled, but understood the gesture, swivelling to continue on their way. I had rehearsed this enough times to know my way around them. In about half an hour, the lights would be switched off, and the setting sun and the dim bulbs bolted above the doors would only bring a dim glow to the gloom. I remembered the streetlights outside, and how they peppered the streets with patches of white when it was dark enough. I smiled. Perched on the windowsill, I watched a few cars awaken and crawl out of the school grounds. I wondered what the outside looked like now. I hadn’t seen it in so long. A kid with a huge instrument case – probably a trombone – struggled to adjust his shoulder strap on the way out of the gate. What a loser. Then I noticed him. He was frozen, fists clenched and teeth gritted. He stood on the other side of the window, watching me from the hall. When had he even showed up? He was from one of my classes, but which one? Of course, I switched classes every couple of years. Where’s the fun in taking the same courses over and over again? After all, this was how I learned about the world. Psychology. That was it. He was exactly the kind of person to take something like psychology - the kind of person who was smart and studious but didn’t really know what he was doing. He would probably graduate and go to university, and take psychology there too. Maybe he just needed a hobby. I knew that he was the curious type. I had overheard him telling all kinds of stories to some of the kids who waited outside in the hall, where he made shitty life decisions out of curiosity and got him self into shitty situations. He played it off like it was funny. It was kind of pathetic. I didn’t want him here. I didn’t want him to talk to me. I didn’t want him to stick his nose in my business. I didn’t want him to find the body. I didn’t want him to disturb me. I wanted him to leave. The door hinge groaned quietly as he pushed his way in, locking eyes with me the entire time. Those dumb glasses of his wouldn’t hide his fear. “U-uh… hey, Midousuji?” “Call me Akira.” There was an irritating silence between us. “Okay… A-Akira… Why are you still here?” “I could say the same thing for you, uh…” Who even was he again? “Onoda… Sakamichi. My name is, uh, Sakamichi and I’m in your-” I cut him off. “You’re in my psychology class.” I knotted my arms over my chest. My fingers tangled into the thick, warm fabric of my sweater – too big for me. I wasn’t letting him in. “Yes, I know.” “But you, uh… forgot my name?” “Well forgive me but you’re not particularly memorable.” Maybe that was a bit mean, but I didn’t care. “Right. Thanks.” His sarcastic chuckle quickly faded into nerves again. “So why are you here bothering me?” “I, uh, well… I want to know why I, like… never see you leave and…” “Do I have to answer to you about where I go and why?” “N-No! No…” A smile tugged at my lips and I squinted at him. I couldn’t help it - I was winning. “So why do you care?” “A-Akira, you’re… being awfully defensive for… someone who’s playing innocent.” “And you’re struggling to speak, Sakamichi.” He said nothing, flushing with embarrassment. He swallowed hard and shot me another glare. He was acting like I was going to attack him at any moment. “I’ll tell you what - if you can find out for yourself what my, um, secret is… then I’ll tell you if it’s true or not. “What?” “Did I stutter? Let’s make this a game.” I slipped off of the windowsill and dropped my feet back on the floor with a soft thud. “After all, I’ve got all night. What about you?” He looked down for a second in contemplation. I knew he would agree to it. “Are you… sure about that? I might find, uh, something you don’t… want me to.” The sky was dimming now and shadows were starting to creep across the walls and across both of us. I paced along the windowed wall, staring out at the sky. “Anything you learn over the course of this game will be kept between me and you. Do you understand?” “And what if I tell?” Typical. “You won’t. Trust me.” I stopped and pressed a palm experimentally against the glass, observing the cool sensation spreading through my hand. It was simple - I would install a sort of… measure to make sure he kept his word. I wouldn’t call it a “curse”. That’s a strong word after all. It would be more of a precaution. It was as easy as rendering him incapable of telling anyone no matter how hard he tried. I could do that. If I could make every staff member in this facility forget who I was every few years, I could do that. He paused again, thinking hard. He looked as if his head was ready to implode from the pressure of this decision. “Fine. I’ve got time. I’m ahead on my homework.” “If you spend the night thinking about homework, you’re not going to figure me out.” I planted myself onto the windowsill again, turning to see the sky warm up in colour as the sun dipped into the horizon. “Don’t you want to watch the sun set? It’s nice to look at.” He said nothing. ***** And So The Game Begins ***** Chapter Summary A short chapter made mostly of conversation... There's some truly spicy banter in here, though which means I'm still delivering that High Quality Content. The sun was almost halfway invisible. The room was filled with dull blue light. I watched a bird fly past and mimicked it’s sound. “Bibibibibi…” “What?” Oh. I had almost forgotten he was there. I turned my head to look him in the eye. His eyebrow was cocked in confusion. “You will never understand.” “Uh, okay.” I turned back around. He was just getting in my way. “Bibibibibi… bibibi…” I saw the reflection of a light come on, shimmering against the surface of the window. It was his phone. I watched him in the reflection of the glass as his fingers tapped against the screen rapidly. “Who are you texting?” “Me?” “No, the other person in the room. Of course you.” “Uh… my mother.” What was he telling her? Hey Mom, don’t wait up for me. I’m holed up inside the school searching for my classmate’s secrets.What an idiot. “I’m just gonna tell her I’m sleeping over at Naruko’s place. She worries.” Shit, it was like he had read my mind. Ew. “Who’s Naruko, anyway?” “Oh, uh… he sits next to me in math and…” He trailed off for a moment. “What, is he your boyfriend?” “What? No! Not at all! Just my friend, okay?” He had turned a bright shade of crimson and was throwing his arms about like he was fighting an invisible adversary. “So he’s your boyfriend?” “No! He’s not! Didn’t you hear me? No!” He probably had a huge crush on him or something. How disgusting. “You sleep over often at your boyfriend’s house?” Sakamichi was practically vibrating now. “He’s not… my boyfriend.” “Yes but do you sleep over often?” “Well, uh… sometimes.” “Do you fuck?” “Of course not! We’re not even on first name basis!” “Hmm…” I turned around to get a better look at him and he was absolutely livid. Maybe I had been a bit cruel just now. “What’s the matter? I was just joking around.” He threw his hands over his face. “I barely know you and you’re… asking me about sensitive things like... whether or not I’m dating anyone.” Oh. So that was why. He was just shy and awkward. What a loser. “I didn’t ask about dating. I asked about fucking.” He cringed every time I said that word.   After a moment he gathered himself again, and allowed himself to breathe. I was about to start chirping again when I noticed him stand back up. I turned to watch. He lifted his phone and tapped a few icons to turn on its built-in flashlight, approaching the supply closet. Dragging the sliding door open, he scanned the book covers with his eyes for a moment, probably trying to remember which one he saw me take out. “It was this one, right? No… this one.” He had the right one. Letting the front cover fall open on a nearby desk, he stared at the inside cover for a moment in disbelief. “Akira… what is this?” “It’s a textbook, retard.” He writhed. “…Your name, here…” I wasn’t really sure what to say. What was I meant to do, explain everything? That would defeat the object of this game. That would be no fun. “Yes, that’s my name.” “But Akira… you can’t have gone here in 1994, or you would be-” “-38, yes.” He stared at it, but nothing seemed to be clicking in his mind. “You don’t look 38, Akira.” “You’re right. I don’t.” His eyes shot from the faded writing to me, and then back again. “Why did you write this in here?” “Well, normally when a teacher lends you a book you must sign your name.” He frowned at my sarcasm. Maybe I was laying it on just a bit too thick. It was starting to get dark. “Very funny. What other false information have you planted?” He had taken a swing in the dark and hit nothing. Perhaps he saw it in my face, because the proud look faded from his eyes quite quickly. He frowned, and his shoulders dropped as he shrank with embarrassment. “Are you accusing me of fabricating that just to look interesting?” “Well… no.” “When I said I had a secret, I wasn’t kidding.” He stared at me in complete silence. “Are there other books with your name in?” “Well, what kind of student doesn’t borrow at least one book?” When his eyes lit up again, I hissed. I had literally dropped the easiest hint possible, but he had a look on his face like he had discovered the cure for baldness or some shit. “The library.” He quickly rifled through his backpack. “You see, I don’t wanna use up the battery on my phone.” Tugging a flashlight out of one of the pockets, he snapped it to life, letting a pool of light spill onto the floor in front of him. “Who in the fuck carries a flashlight in their backpack?” He looked a little deflated when I said this. “Are you a character in a movie?” “Well, I’m always prepared. It’s not like that’s a crime.” He propped his fists on his hips, sticking his elbows out in an attempt to seem triumphant. Ugh. “Whatever, freak.” “Says the one who might just be 38 years old and still in school.” He mumbled as he approached the door. “Are you coming?” “Sure.” I grunted in response, glancing through the window to see that a bird had landed on the sill and was looking at me curiously. “Bibibibibi…” It hopped around for a moment before flying away, beating the air with its tiny wings and throwing itself onto the wind. I dragged myself towards the door, following at his heels when he opened it. He did this very slowly as if trying to make very little noise. It was a good thing this school didn’t have security cameras or something. Apparently some schools had those now. The hallways were always completely different at night. ***** No Shame, No Fear ***** Chapter Summary Stupid library exposition chapter. Whateverrr...... Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes Sakamichi Onoda was terrified of the dark. Maybe if I had known that I wouldn’t have been so taken aback when he started trembling. Perhaps he hadn’t expected it to be so much darker than the classroom. When he stepped out into the hallway there was a draft of cold air and his flashlight could only reach so far. Of course, I could see every corner of the corridor without difficulty. It was just one of the perks of being me. I felt kind of bad for him, gazing into the void of black that stretched as far as he could see. Each step he took was hesitant and shaking, although he did his best to conceal it. He didn’t want me to notice how easily scared he was, despite how obvious it had been since he first locked eyes with me. I rested a hand on his shoulder in attempted reassurance and his soul left his body as he turned around at an alarming speed. “Jesus fucking CHRIST! Uh, Akira… it’s- it’s you…” The sound of a curse word spoke in his voice was astonishing to me. I wanted to hear it again, but I figured it would be awkward to ask. He noticed that his flashlight was pointed directly at my face and muttered an apology before pointing it lower. I hadn’t even noticed. “Uh… you seemed scared, is all.” “Me? No. No, not at all! I’m fine! All good.” “You’re clearly scared.” I placed my hand on him again, feeling the warmth of his skin through his long- sleeved t-shirt. “Akira… you’re a bit… cold.” “Huh?” “You’re cold. Are you sick?” “Uh… no.” I couldn’t help but think he was clueless, even though he didn’t know enough yet to put the pieces together. For some reason I wanted him to figure me out, already. Wasn’t I meant to be having fun with this? Yes… I had agreed to this because I wanted a way to kill time until morning. When his palm came into contact with my cheek it shocked me. His warmth was rushing through my face – or maybe that was my own. His touch was gentle and cautious. It made me feel... gross. “I’m… fine. Really.” “Well, if you say so…” I followed him in silence to the end of the hall, and down the stairs. I wondered what he was thinking, but it was hard to tell when he was walking in front of me and not saying anything – I couldn’t even look at his face. He prepared himself before pushing the library door open – the hinges were several years old and needed replacing. They let out a groan as he tried his hardest to keep them quiet, to no avail. It’s not like there was anyone around to hear it, but for some reason he was terrified of making any noise. At least there was some light in here – the library lights were kept on at all times – this was where the power controls were fitted and turning them off meant the groundskeeper had to make his way out of the staff door in the dark. To put that in perspective the staff door was on the other side of the room. It was admittedly a poor design choice but there had been budget limitations when the place was first built. Let’s just say I listened in on a lot of teachers’ conversations. Selective invisibility was another one of the perks to being this way – I could simply become one with the atmosphere, if I really wanted to. I preferred to be seen most of the time. I preferred to make an impression. “Maybe I didn’t think this over enough.” “What makes you say that?” “There are a lot of books in here… it will take me forever to find one.” Suddenly he whipped around to face me. “Aha! There!” I looked back at him. “What?” “You were staring that way, at a book on that shelf.” I hadn’t even noticed. I had allowed my eyes to wander around the room and unintentionally rested on the spine of a familiar novel. It was one I had spent a couple of nights buried in. There was nothing like a fictional world to get lost in. Whether it came in the form of a book, or a streamed show or movie in the IT room, I could spend hours enveloping myself in stories. He skipped towards the shelf, tugging the book out. “No Shame, No Fear.” It was about two people in love in 1662. One of them is a quaker who is facing persecution. The other converts in order to face their oppressors hand-in-hand. It was the only love story I ever enjoyed – it was about victory. He read the insert. “Name: Midousuji Akira Date: 12/10/2004” He stared at it, even more confused than before. “Akira, how long have you been attending this school?” “Well, I started in 1994. Let’s leave it at that.” His eyes were on me. I avoided them. “I didn’t think you were the type to read British romance fiction.” “It’s the only love story I like.” He ran his fingers over the cover, admiring the artwork printed on it. “What’s different about it?” “The romance is only a subplot to a story about triumph and victory.” “Ah…” “I like stories a lot.” I knew he was into a lot of anime. The guy had characters printed on badges, key chains and all sorts of other merchandise about his person. The T-shirt he was wearing had one of the robots on it from that one popular anime from a while back that had made everyone cry. I remembered watching it on TV and talking about it with… him. What was it called again? “So you have attended this school for 13 years in a row?” That was one of the things that had drawn me to him – he watched the shows that I liked, and had read some of the books I had read. We used to borrow comics from each other. “And you never leave… So how come the teachers haven’t noticed anything?” He had a lot of movies I had never seen, and I had some more obscure comics he had not heard of. We had things that let us inspire each other and grow together. It was a shame we had different feelings. “And why haven’t you aged at all? I’m seriously confused.” He had introduced me to that show. He had one of the characters doodled in the back of his history notebook. He let me borrow some videos from him with recorder episodes so that I could catch up. He recorded everything. “Evangelion.” “Your recognise the shirt?” “Yeh. It’s been a while since I saw it but it’s great.” “So you like watching anime?” Somehow I knew he would say these exact words. “I suppose I watch a bit here and there.” His face lit up for a moment but he shook it off. “Wait… let’s not get lost from the subject at hand…” Ah, right. He had been talking about how I managed to get past teachers. “How come the teachers treated you like any other student at the beginning of the year? Did they not know?” “I made sure they didn’t know.” He looked at me like I was some kind of alien creature. “And how the hell can you possibly do that?” “I- uh…” No. I couldn’t make this easy for him. “I have my ways.” “Are you some kind of esper with mind-altering powers?” I remembered that the rules of the game involved him presenting me with answers and me telling him if they’re true or not. I obliged. “No. That’s not it.” “Of course no. That would be kind of far-fetched anyway.” Ah, if only he knew. He looked down at his phone. “Woah… 6pm already?” Even I was a little surprised by that. “Wait, Akira… You don’t have a phone, do you?” Shit. “Isn’t that a bit strange? Doesn’t everyone have one?” “I… don’t have access to one.” “You can’t leave the school, can you?” Shit again. “You can’t go out and buy and new technology because you can’t leave.” I had to answer him… after all it was actually a pretty big part of my secret. “You’re right, I can’t.” He was figuring this out quicker than I was comfortable with. Eww. He looked down. “Now I have to figure out why… But that’ll have to wait.” “How come?” “I’m hungry.” I had almost forgotten that he could get hungry. Of course he could. He wasn’t like me. Chapter End Notes No Shame, No Fear is a book I own. I figured it would be nice to include it since it really is the only romance novel I have ever liked. I figured it was something he would like, too. I know that romantic tension in the dark is something I write a lot but leave me alone I am predictable... ***** 1995 ***** Chapter Summary sad chapter whoops Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes I could remember it as clear as day – the 9th of September, 1995. I was starting my second year of high school and I still didn’t have any friends. Of course, I could talk to people and they liked me, but I didn’t have anyone close enough to me that I could visit their home, talk to them one-on-one or even walk alone with them. I found myself drifting from group to group during my first year, fitting in but never quite enough. It was a warm day, or at least as warm as the fading summer could manage. Students floated around with tired eyes, buzzing with conversation and hunching under their uniforms. My first class was history. He was the new kid. His hair was flippy and long, and his eyes glowed with sleepy affection. He gravitated towards the desk next to mine – it was the only vacant space. He engaged me in conversation. “Midousuji Akira… Well, I’m Manami Sangaku. Good to meet you.” He spoke like he really wanted to talk to me. Every conversation we had would last as long as we could manage. He talked to me as if he really wanted me to hear him, and listened like he really wanted to hear me. He was genuinely interested in knowing me. The first time he invited me over I had been a bit unsure of what to expect. I hadn’t visited a classmate’s house in a year. He lived in an average suburban two-storey home. It wasn’t until I saw the number of videotapes in his room that I was impressed. “You see, movies and shows really absorb me. Sometimes you can feel like you’re really in a character’s shoes.” “Stories are like that.” This was when I knew we would get along. He loved stories because he felt that he could experience danger and thrill through them. Movies and videogames took him to whole new environments. I loved stories because they allowed me to feel the triumph of victory. With a character to look up to, you don’t have to look far for the motivation to succeed. He liked a lot of violent stuff. He wasn’t shy about it. He liked horror movies about serial killers, videogames that put you in fights to the death and shows that put their characters through unbelievable hardship. I couldn’t blame him – only when you’re in real peril can you truly rise to the occasion and be victorious. We had a lot in common that went deeper than just likes and dislikes. November 3rd, 1995. I came to his house and we watched Evangelion. I hadn’t seen it before but he had all the episodes so far recorded on tapes. We watched every episode that had been aired so far. I liked it. I liked Shinji. He was a guy with a lot of disadvantages, especially his weakness to trauma and self loathing. However he still managed to get by and survived incredible battles, enduring both physical and mental pain to win. If he could win, I could win. Ever since then we both watched every episode without fail. We would talk about it the next time we saw each other. “Hey, Akira?” Suddenly I was out of the memory and back to reality. It was 2016. I was with Sakamichi in the History classroom. Yes, the room had taken me back to when I had met… him. We had turned the lights back on from the library power board. “Sorry, what?” “Who do you think is the best girl in Evangelion?” “What?” “I mean Rei is nice but she’s not as interesting as Asuka.” “Oh…” What a nerd. I mean, maybe I was a bit of a nerd but… what a nerd. He was right though. Of the female characters in Evangelion, Asuka was definitely one of the best and a personal favourite of many. Of course, not me. “I mean, she’s a very good girl but… better than Kaworu? No.” He actually laughed. “Can’t argue with that.” He went back to eating the food he had packed in his backpack. It was some kind of pasta in a Tupperware. It didn’t really matter to me. I watched him eat. That was when his phone buzzed to life and he scrabbled to pinch it from the floor. Tapping the green icon on his screen, he lifted it to his ear. “Hello? Ah, Imaizumi?” Right… Imaizumi. I had heard his name before dabbled throughout the lunchtime conversation of herding girls. They really ate that guy up, didn’t they? “Oh, I’m good. I’m hanging out with Midousuji from psychology. Yes, that’s him.” I stared at him, my mind flooding with guesses as to what Imaizumi was saying. IT was getting harder to guess the further the conversation went. “Yeh, he’s actually alright. He’s not THAT weird, man.” I crossed my legs and continued to listen, trying not to look lost. I shifted around a little bit. He had said I was alright. Gross. “Yeh. Mmhmm… I’ll come over to collect it tomorrow.” Ah, this was about something he had borrowed. Was his friendship with Imaizumi like the one I had with… no, definitely not. It certainly wouldn’t end like ours did. Neither of them were like him. Neither of them would do that kind of thing. They were innocent. “Okay. Have a good Friday night, Shunsuke.” He used his first name. They had probably been friends since the first year. Who am I kidding, of course they had. Then again, we were using each other’s first names the moment we met. Maybe that was my fault… I had asked him to call me Akira. Why had I done that, anyway? “So you’ve been here since 1994… You can mess with people’s minds to protect yourself… You can’t leave…” He was listing traits, counting them on his fingers. His eyes burned with concentration. “Well, no human could be confined to a building unless someone was imprisoning them…” He was starting to get somewhere. On one hand I didn’t want the game to end too quickly but on the other hand I kind of wanted him to know. Maybe I needed someone to share the secret with… or maybe there was something about him. “I mean unless you’re a ghost or something… but you’re not even haunting the place! You’re not causing any trouble.” For a moment I felt a shock reverberate through my body, as he dismissed the one idea that he didn’t even realise the value of. “That’s right… I’m not.” It was true. I wasn’t hurting anyone or doing anything to be a disturbance. I was here to learn like any other student. “This is starting to give me a headache.” Then it flooded in. By the time I realised it was happening I was already there. “Well, Sangaku… I have a bit of a headache…” We had also called each other by our first names. Perched on top of his bed in his home, I brought a hand to my forehead. It had been a stressful day. December 18th 1995. “I guess you need to relax. Today has kicked the shit out of you, Akira.” He put an arm around me. We were close enough as friends now that physical affection wasn’t unusual. At least that’s how I saw it. “Hey, you know I’m relaxed around you, San-zaku.” “You mean that? I’m glad.” He was warm. “Of course I mean it.” When he pulled himself onto my lap I froze. “Akira… you can always relax around me, okay?” What the fuck? What was this? He never did this. We never did this. This was not something I was comfortable with. It was gross. “Sangaku… what are you doing?” “Akira…” He stared at me. I squirmed under his gaze. His lips were on mine. I hadn’t agreed to this. No. He held onto my wrists and pushed against me. I pulled back and tried to break contact. He just pushed further. Eventually he had me pinned under him. No. This wasn’t right. “Sangaku, no.” “There’s no need to be shy, Akira.” “No. I don’t want this. ” - - - - -   “Akira? Hey, are you alright?” I snapped out of it suddenly. That’s right. I wasn’t there; I was here. I was here. He wasn’t here. No, HE was here. That little guy who rode a shitty bicycle in and out of school every day… HE was here. “Akira, are you crying?” I quickly threw my sleeves towards my eyes, drying my face. Had I really been crying? Had hearing those words really taken me back that easily? Maybe it was because I had been thinking about him lately. It had been a while since I thought about him. Thinking about him was hard. “No, I’m not.” “Akira… did you think of something sad?” “I… guess so.” He put his arms around me. I hadn’t expected it. He held my chest close to his. “Please don’t be sad, Akira.” I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Chapter End Notes Akira calls him "San-zaku" to reference his tendency to nickname his teammates as "Zaku". Yes, the mommy bike can withstand even alternate realities. Nobody knows the extent of its power. ***** Janitor's Closet ***** Chapter Summary SADDER CHAPTER DOUBLE OOPS violence and fluff both incoming............. Ye I'm like that............... Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes It had happened too fast – everything blurred together into a huge mess. There was pain. There were hands on me. There was him. “You know, I don’t really like stories.” I said nothing. I refused to believe he was still conversing with me right now. “They might let me pretend, but what do they really give me?” It was obvious – inspiration. I would have said it if I could. I would have said it if I could curb the fear that opening my mouth would just cause me to throw up. “Nothing at all… If I’m not living danger and pain in the real world, then what am I doing?” I didn’t like where this was going. There was nothing to like about this situation, but it would only get worse the more he spoke. “I want to feel things in real life. I need to experience things.” He grabbed my face with both hands, bringing himself so close to me that our noses almost touched and I felt my eyes sting in preparation to cry. “Don’t you want to experience this with me, Akira?” I tried to speak but could only manage to choke out single syllables. “No. No, San…gaku…no…” I had never felt so afraid. Nothing usually scared me at all, which I took great pride in. Normally I was willing to endure anything if I knew there was a way to win. This wasn’t something I could overcome and defeat. There was no way I could endure this. I hated it so much I just wanted to punch him as hard as I could, but his grip was too tight and his movements were too intense. He had me at his mercy and I couldn’t escape. “Akira… Don’t you want to experience pain… and despair… in real life?” “Not… like, like… this.” I wasn’t sure if he could even hear my protests any more. Was he all there? Was this the same Sangaku I had grown to trust? Who was this guy? “Akira… you like me, so… it’s okay, right?” “No. I’m… not ready San…gaku…” If I kept this up I would become dehydrated, from the tears alone. “But don’t you like it?” I thrashed. It was no use. I tuned it out. I wasn’t there anymore. I went blank. Who was he? Who was I? What was this? Then it happened. There were hands on my body; hands on my chest; hands on my throat. He touched; stroked; squeezed. There was no space to move, no air to breathe and no sanity left in his eyes. I croaked out a pathetic noise, hoping he would come to his senses. My arms were free now, though, so I grabbed at his forearms to the best of my ability. His weight and his strength were too much. I dug my fingers into his skin as hard as I could. He bled. He squeezed harder. My circulation was gone. I felt my face swell with blood and my brain screamed. No. I would not lose here. I would not die here. I would not let this… thing… win, whoever he was. I was losing my strength. I reached out to touch his face. Maybe he would stop. Maybe he would wake up. He didn’t. This wasn’t him. No. I refused to accept it. My body was going cold. - - - - - “Akira, am I losing you again?” “Fuck! No. I’m fine. I’m-” Just like that I was awake again. I wasn’t cold, no. Warm. He was warm. I was warm. “You started crying again and… you were just saying no over and over…” “I’m fine. I’m fine.” I buried my head in his shoulder. Maybe I wasn’t fine. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to push this down any longer. It was all resurfacing because he was digging it up. I had intended for this to be fun. “Akira it’s fine. I know you won’t tell me anything because I’m meant to figure it out, but…” “Storage shed 9.” “What?” “Storage shed 9.” I inhaled his scent. He flinched a bit but didn’t pull away from me. He held me a bit tighter. “Is there something in there? I thought it wasn’t in use…” “Not for a long time.” I breathed in and out, slowly. My breath was heating and cooling the skin on his shoulder and back. He became very still. He had obviously heard about it, then. There were all kinds of rumours around that shed. The gist of it was that the keys for the padlock had gone missing a long time ago along with a couple of students. There were all kinds of theories about what was inside, from monsters to treasure. It made me laugh, honestly. I knew what was in there. “How can I even open it?” “I thought you were pretty smart. Got any ideas?” He paused. “Well maybe if I had some bolt cutters then…” He lit up like a storm. “The janitor’s closet?” “But that’s locked, right? The keys are in-“ “The staff lounge.” He let go. The tears dampening my face and neck were making my skin crawl with cold. He looked freezing. I suddenly remembered he had been holding onto me for a while – I had made him that cold. A pang of guilt shot through my gut. Why was I even feeling bad for him? Was it because he had been there for me when it had all come back or something else? “Since nobody is here it shouldn’t take too long to retrieve it. Especially with all the lights back on.” Ah, yes. He needed the lights on to help him see. God, I was terrible at this. After so many nights alone it was no surprise, though. He lifted his backpack off of the floor, and I reached for mine. “Are you sure you’re feeling better?” “Absolutely.” - - - - - “So it’s true… there really is no key for it.” His fingers lingered over the fading label with “SHED 9” scrawled on it. The corners were curling and the hook was completely barren. Of course it wasn’t there. HE had taken it. I didn’t bother going inside, instead lingering around outside the open door like a smell. He floated towards the “JAN CL” label, looping the keychain around his finger to lift it from the hook. He swung it around a few times before pushing the metal doors of the key locker back into place. - - - - - The janitor closet was cluttered. I ended up helping him out, hands wafting around over each shelf, checking any spaces and containers that might be large enough to contain tools. The single light fixture embedded in the ceiling lit the whole closet with ease, reminding both of us of how little space there was. “It’s got to be here somewhere. In case of emergencies the janitor should be able to cut open locks.” He moved backward slightly, his body colliding with my lower back. “Ah, sorry…” “It’s fine.” I was extremely aware of how close we were. There really was not enough space in here for two people. It was hard to find a place to put my feet without stepping on his. When he slipped, I saw it coming. I extended my arm and he landed against me. Being tall and having long limbs made it easy to act as a safety net. His head resting against my chest, he muttered a vague apology into my sweater before looking up at me suddenly. His eyes were quite large, and their colour was a deep, warm blue. I tried to look away but it was hard to. He reached out and grabbed both ends of my shirt collar, hesitating and waiting for me to push him away. I didn’t. He leaned in and kissed me. It was only brief and fleeting; a chaste connection of soft skin that ended as quickly as it began. We floated like that for a moment, and then he turned back away, burning with confusion at his own actions. I suppose I had been a little surprised, but not that much. A kiss had never made me feel that way before though – it was like the sensation of it left an impression on my lips that I couldn’t shake off. He was acting like it hadn’t happened, but I was sure he felt the same. Call it intuition. “Ah… um, here it is.” His voice was trembling again. Chapter End Notes I've been writing a lot lately but that's bc I'm obsessed with this story atm and I'm struggling with my college assignments lol... This is giving me something productive to do while recharging. ***** Storage Shed 9 ***** Chapter Summary MYSTERY *ghostly whispering* ...and sin? A little bit, yeh. The bolt cutters were slightly dusty; obviously nobody had used them in a couple of months. I could tell by his grip that he hadn’t expected the metal handles to be as cold as they were. I touched two long fingers to my lips, remembering how his had felt against mine. Turning around, he forced himself to look up at me again. “Uh… Akira…” I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try. I grabbed his wrists with both hands, hesitated for a moment and kissed him. This time it was his turn to freeze up. There was something cute about the way he leaned up into me and surrendered his weight towards me that made me not want to stop. “Akira…” “Just returning the favour.” “Oh, uh… about that… I…” I didn’t have the patience to listen to him stumble over his words, so I turned to open the closet door. At least, that was the excuse I would make if he ever asked. By the time we had made our way out into the hallway, he had turned a colour I hadn’t thought was possible for a human. - - - - - I had almost forgotten how dark it was outside. It wasn’t a problem for me, but he didn’t seem too excited to go outside. It was a good thing he still had that dumb torch, although I wouldn’t admit that. It was still a stupid thing to carry every day. I insisted in mocking him a bit when he pulled it out again. We walked the dishevelled path that traced the door-studded fronts of the sheds. He tripped once or twice on paving stones that were bulging from their designated spaces. The puddle of light cast by his flashlight danced over the signs that hung about each battered steel entrance. 5…6…7… When we finally came to the final shed – shed 9 – we stopped walking. There was a concrete wall on one side of us, as well as behind us. The only way out was back where we came from. We had dragged ourselves into this dark corner. I thought about that kiss again, and… the other one. I pretended I hadn’t. At the time, nobody had seen any correlation between the key’s disappearance and ours. They hadn’t bothered opening it. This sealed steel four-walled hell had been holding onto this evidence for more than 20 years. That was longer than Sakamichi had even been alive. He would be the one to see it with me. There hadn’t been anything in the shed that was needed; only a few gym mats and tattered P.E equipment that was better off locked away anyway. It had been decided that the shed would not be opened until it was needed for storage, or for some future innovation. Needless to say there was no need for either of those things and it had stayed closed off from the world. I had stayed closed off from the world. He grunted slightly as the lock took a bit more force than he expected to break. When the small, worn padlock clattered to the ground he sighed with the satisfaction of it. The door was difficult to open, weighed shut by years of standing still and rust that was starting to settle in. I stepped forward to help him wriggle and heave the door open. The first thing that caught our attention was a torrent of dust. We both hopped backward in a frantic attempt to escape it. The sudden movement of the door had shaken free the layer of stray particles that had gathered on both the inside and outside. Leaning into the blackened space, he scanned the walls and ceiling with the stream of light, before his attention landed on the floor. He stared at each discarded item one at a time until he became aware of something he hadn’t expected to see. I braced myself for his reaction, squeezing my eyes shut and throwing my arms over my head. He let out a vague breath of a scream – more of a whimper of terror. His eyes traced the faded ivory white of each bone, taking in every shadow between the haphazardly piled pieces of skeleton. His skin was starting to prickle with shock and his shoulders gathered towards his ears. He let out another high- pitched gasp, quieter. I had expected a scream. He was handling this much better than I had anticipated. I peeked at him through my elbows and he turned to me, white in the face. “Akira… what is this… that’s… a… body…” “Yes, it is.” “Who is that, Akira?” “I… can’t tell you that.” “God, I don’t think I have the composure to think at the moment.” “I understand.” He breathed heavy, shallow breaths. For a moment I thought he might be hyperventilating but he quickly steadied himself, managing to speak. “Can we, uh… go back inside for a moment?” - - - - - He spent about half an hour just pacing. He was trying to shake the tension out of his body. IT was no use. He couldn’t just shake that off. “Akira… how did you know that was in there if the shed has been locked since 1995?” I stared up at him, sat cross-legged on the library floor. “Aren’t you meant to figure that out?” He frowned, letting out a long, shaky breath. “Okay, okay. Let’s go through this again.” I nodded, baring my teeth and watching him. Maybe he would figure it out, now. The evidence was all laid out in front of him. “Okay, so… you’ve been stuck here since 1995. That’s when a couple of students went missing. There’s a… body in shed 9. You knew about it… The only people who would know about the location of a hidden body are…” He was pacing at an alarming speed. I had to hand it to him, he was capable of surprisingly fast leg movement. “The killer… and that’s obviously not you…” He stared, searching my face for the answer. I stared back in blank anticipation. “And… the only other person at the scene.” His eyes widened. He stepped backward, moving away from me. I lifted myself from the floor. “What is it, Sakamichi? Do you have a guess for me again?” “A…Akira you’re…” “Yes?” He stepped back again, only to find himself obstructed by the bookcase that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. He shivered. “Akira… you’re a… you’re…” I stepped towards him, closing the gap between us. He was stuck, between the bookcase and my body, which towered over his and walled him in. I lifted my arms to rest my hands at either side of his head, just to emphasise my point. I wouldn’t move until he spat it out. “Akira are you… uh…” “Well, go ahead and ask.” His voice came out finally, tiny and uncertain. “Akira… Are you, uh… dead?” - - - - - I wasn’t sure how long we connected. I wasn’t even sure what I was doing, or why. Before I knew it my mouth was against his again and my arms were wrapped under his waist and he was pushing into me again. It all happened in moments. He opened his mouth and ran his tongue over mine. I hadn’t expected it. I stopped for a moment, whispered something against his skin and kissed him again. There was a moment of discomfort as we struggled to find an angle and teeth knocked together painfully and we rearranged ourselves. I pulled away and he gasped for air. “You can breathe through your nose, you idiot.” “A-Akira... why did you, um…” I looked down for a moment, unsure of how to word what I wanted to say. Why had I done it? When did I start wanting to kiss him at all? It was because of that kiss in the closet, right? What had possessed him to do that? “Well, um… I guess I was a bit excited.” “Why…” “Because you finally got it.” “Ah…” I leaned back in, slipping my tongue into his mouth. He made a little sound that was almost a moan. His tongue was a lot smaller than mine, and I easily dominated the space inside his mouth. Then he pushed me away for a moment. “Wait, you really are dead?” “Yes.” “Uh… wow.” Then it hit me. Maybe it was a little strange to him to be doing something like this with, well, a ghost. Maybe he was going to run away and move schools because the school ghost kissed him. God, it sounded insane, even to me. He wrapped his arms over my shoulders and pulled me back in. I guess it didn’t bother him after all. Gross. It was all breath and saliva and body heat. His warmth was enveloping me and it was almost as if I had never been cold. Hands grasped at clothing and started to feel for the skin underneath. His back and his stomach and his hips moved into my touch and his pulse brought me closer to the feeling of being alive. “Akira… it’s amazing…” He mumbled as his fingers traced my spine, “You still feel cold but… you feel so real… so alive…” His words shook through me in a tremor and made me want to just tear off his t-shirt and shorts to touch him more. “That’s because… I can choose to be as real as I please…” I breathed into his neck and he shuddered. “Really…" He was losing composure, his legs starting to fall limp as his arms over my neck and the force of my body against his was holding him up against the bookcase. “Hang on…” I stopped, waiting for whatever it was he wanted to say. “That body… what happens if someone finds it?” I suddenly remembered – we had left that damn shed open and there was no way of reusing the padlock now that it had been cut. “Well… if they bury it then I won’t be able to stay on this plane.” “Is that… bad?” “For me? Yes. I’m rather enjoying it here.” “Shit.” Shit indeed. ***** Spending The Night ***** Chapter Summary SIN Before we knew it we were back in the janitor’s closet. He set down the bolt cutters exactly where he had taken them from because “someone might notice if it had moved” but I was sure he was just over-worrying. He rummaged through a few boxes. “I’m absolutely certain that there should be…” I watched him, fascinated. Whatever he was doing he hadn’t given me any clues. “Here we go.” The sound of metal allowed me to guess what his idea had been, and I was kind of impressed. Of course there would be spare padlocks in here. It made perfect sense. A key was fastened to the arch of the lock with a zip-tie. After some fumbling with a pair of nearby scissors he separated the key from the steel arch and grabbed the sleeve of my sweater, practically dragging me outside. After he had fumbled the lock open he turned to look at me for a moment, shining the torch in my general direction. “Are you sure this is what you want?” “Of course. If I wanted to be moved I would have opened it by myself.” He stared for a moment. “I suppose that’s true.” He tossed the small key into the vague darkness. There was no going back now. It took all of his body weight to push the door back into place. I assisted him with a good hard shove, as the last few inches were causing the hinges to struggle. There was something very satisfying about the way the metal crunched together as he pressed the lock closed. Stopping at the library, I switched off some of the hallway lights and left only the classroom light on. The walk back to the history classroom was silent, without even a hint of conversation to punctuate it. I stared at the back of his head. He tucked his flash light back into his backpack, before illuminating his phone screen again. “It’s… Almost 9pm. I guess it’s too late to go home, now.” “It wouldn’t be safe, would it?” “Exactly.” Of course he was scared to go out at night. He was exactly the kind of person who would be scared to go out at night. “So you’re spending the night with me?” He burned up, visibly flustered by my question. Maybe I hadn’t meant to word it quite like that. Or maybe I had. I approached the light switch, and examined the dimmer that was next to it – when teachers wanted to show videos they would often dim the lights. I turned it half way and Onoda shot me an accusing glance as the room was painted with a warmer, less harsh glow. “The lights are too bright.” I mumbled my excuse just so he wouldn’t think I was making this awkward on purpose. - - - - - Perched on top of two desks, we faced each other. He had something to say, but was building the courage to open his mouth. He stared at his hands for a while and I did too, awaiting his question as he turned it over and inside out in his head. “Akira… Back in the library…” Of course he was asking about that. I had known he would ask about that. “What was that?” I stared at him until he seemed to shrink again. “I could ask you the same about the janitor’s closet.” He swallowed hard. “I… don’t know why I did that.” “I can think of a few reasons why you might have done it.” “Oh, really? Like what?” His lip was caught in a tremor. I slid off the edge of the desk and he flinched, watching me as I stepped towards him while speaking in a low tone. I couldn’t really help it – any louder and I might feel embarrassed. “Well, why would a person kiss someone else?” I rested my palms on the desk, on either side of his legs. I wanted to see how far I could push this. He stuttered a bit, but didn’t answer. “Because they’re trying to make others jealous? Well, there’s nobody around to see.” I leaned closer, and he jolted backward slightly but made no real attempt to push me away. “Or… there is one other reason…” “Akira…” “Because they’re, well…” “A-Akira…” “Attracted.” His lips parted for a moment and I took the opportunity to close the gap. He surrendered again, his thin layer of denial tearing away as I easily took control of him. He bundled his hands into my sweater, pulling our bodies closer together again and tangling his arms around me. I went a little further, letting my hands fall to his hips and feeling him twitch under me. Pulling him lower half closer I mumbled against his lips and he seemed to somehow get the message, easing his knees apart slightly to let me hold his stomach against mine. I gave him another whisper of encouragement and he spread his legs further, allowing me access to his thighs and the growing arousal between them. When I grinded against him he moaned into my mouth and it sent a sensation rushing straight to my crotch. He was doing all sorts of things to me that were hard to explain. He was making me want him. “Akira… a-are you, uh… going to…” “Well… if you want me to.” “Uhh… well, I wouldn’t hate it… I mean…” “Is that a yes or a no?” He buried his face into my shoulder, trying to conceal the humiliation that lit up his face. “Uhh… y-yes…” I bumped against him one more time, and he whined into the fabric of my clothes. I could tell he was trying not to be loud, but it wasn’t working. The desk shifted slightly with the motion of it. Hands trembled and fumbled with buttons, zippers and clothing until skin touched skin and living heat blurred into ghostly cold. I grazed my teeth over his throat and he caved in, falling back onto his elbows. I stared for a moment at his bare stomach, his t-shirt bunched halfway up his heaving chest. My eyes trailed down the subtle curve of his stomach and rested on his erection until he started to quake, visibly self-conscious. It wouldn’t be fair to make him any more nervous than he already was. I leaned in so that my lips were only a breath away from his ear and wrapped my hand around the combined girth between us. His fingers massaged my hips and a sigh pulled from his lips as I started to move. ***** EPILOGUE - Re-Arrange ***** I shook him awake in the morning. He had to wake up in time to sneak out and enter the school inconspicuously. I watched him gather himself and awkwardly shuffle his shoes back on. I watched him through the window as he fumbled his way over the fence. I wondered where he would have his breakfast. The day started like any other. Of course, I felt his eyes on me in class and I wanted to punch him in the face for it, but it seemed as if nobody had noticed any of our evening activities. That was until the psychology teacher happened to bring up a concerned parent in conversation. Supposedly one of the kids who lived down the street from the school building had seen the lights on a while after the school had closed. God. What if there had been security cameras? There weren’t, but if there had been… I had almost forgotten that he could actually be detected. Of course he could. He wasn’t like me. Naruko received a message from Sakamichi’s mother thanking him for letting him sleep over. I overheard them talking about it. He stumbled over his words but later admitted that he had used it as a cover story. Naruko nudged him with his elbow and made some goofy remarks about how unlike him it was to sneak out and party. I wasn’t sure what we were now. Maybe he was going to start falling for me. That would be a huge mistake. Hell, maybe he wouldn’t want to ever speak to me again. I was the ghost that had jerked him off in the history classroom. Gross. I wasn’t sure at all. He didn’t speak to me for a few days. Then, amongst the carnage of the hallway after school, a hand gripped my wrist from behind – a small, shaking hand with a tenacious grip. I turned to face him, studying his face. I needed to figure out what this kid was thinking. “Akira.” “Sakamichi.” A few heads turned and voices muttered as people heard us address each other by our first names. He paled and fiddled with his glasses in an attempt to hide his face. Someone’s backpack brushed rudely against him and I wasn’t sure if it was accidental or not. “Akira, can we walk together?” He was trying to be inconspicuous, but I knew loosely what he was trying to say. His fingers loosened around my arm and I took his hand into my own. People were pretending not to stare at us, clearing their throats as they pushed towards the exits. As I walked him through the hallway their attention didn’t bother me, but it was clearly bothering him. His hand squeezed mine and he made an effort to take up very little space. I still didn’t know what he even thought of me, but I supposed it didn’t matter. What mattered was that he was here with me, and he was interested in me. It seemed illogical, though. Wouldn’t he rather be with someone who was, well, alive? I shook it off. He was here with me. He cared about me for some reason. His hand was holding mine. I was certain that he knew this couldn’t last; he was a smart kid. Maybe he didn’t care, or maybe he was pretending not to be anxious. No. I would have been able to tell if he was anxious. The hallway was thinning out fast, and now only a few people were left – mostly teachers. “Sakamichi, why are you still talking to me?” “What do you mean? I thought that a few days ago…” He trailed off. “Well, yeh, but… Now you know my gross secrets. Why do you still want to be around me?” As the sounds of doors eventually faded to silence and one last echo rippled through the now-empty hallway, he looked down, looked up at me for a moment and looked down again. “That’s because… I still…” “What?” “I still like you, Akira.” “When you leave I won’t be able to see you again. Doesn’t that bother you?” “Oh, uh… yeh, don’t worry about that.” “Are you sure?” He looked up again, his eyes large and sincere. “Absolutely. I’ve already figured it out.” Those last words puzzled me; it sounded almost as if he had something planned. Whatever this guy was scheming I decided that it was better not to ask. “Right… good.” I took his hand again, leading him down the hall and up the stairs at the end. He stumbled a bit behind me, but somehow kept up with me. How did a guy like him get such strong legs? Was it that heavy old bike he rode? I imagined riding that thing would be slow and exhausting. “Akira… where are we going?” “IT room. You need to see what it’s like at night.” “We can get online and watch anime, right?” I scoffed a little bit. Of course he would ask something like that. “Sure.” Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!