Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/294721. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: F/F, F/M Fandom: Animorphs_-_Katherine_A._Applegate Relationship: Cassie_(Animorphs)/Jake_Berenson, Cassie/Aftran Character: Cassie_(Animorphs), Aftran_942 Additional Tags: Masturbation, Sexual_Fantasy, Sharing_a_Body, POV_First_Person, Kink Meme, Book_29:_The_Sickness Stats: Published: 2011-12-16 Words: 854 ****** Embracing ****** by Poetry Summary Before she goes into exile, Aftran wants to feel everything. Set during book #29: The Sickness. Notes Originally written anonymously at the Animorphs_kink_meme. I didn't bring it up, for the rest of that day. She knew I was wondering, of course. She knew I was counting down the hours until she decided what animal she wanted to be for the rest of her life. She could feel my desperate hope that she'd be some animal I could visit in the national park sometimes, where we could talk, at least, even if we couldn't be one. But that wasn't the point of today. The point of today was to let Aftran feel everything she'd never get to experience again. My thoughts, as close to hers as intimate whispers. My father, giving me a goodnight kiss on the forehead. The snugness of my bed. The cassette of soothing classical music playing from the stereo on my nightstand. The smoothness of my skin under the palms of my hands. May I? she asked, my palms pressed to my inner thighs. I felt a jolt of fear, for a moment. Wasn't this rape? Wasn't this a violation, at least? But I didn't sense that in her. I didn't sense lust at all. I just felt that same insatiable curiosity, the need to experience the senses she doesn't have, that I got from her when I smelled a hyacinth, or sipped iced tea. My body wasn't an object, to her. It was a sacred temple. That's what my mom told me my body was, when she gave me that really embarrassing talk. But Aftran really believed that. Go ahead, I said. I didn't tell her to be careful, or not to hurt me. I trusted her. She didn't draw on my memories, as I might have expected. She wanted to experience it for herself, first, before she saw what I liked to do. She ran my fingers through my pubic hair, teased apart my labia, let the sensitive pads brush against my clit. My fingers rested gently against my entrance, but went no further. You have to let me in, Aftran said. Of course. This wasn't about arousal for her, or for me, so my body wasn't ready for her. Trying not to feel too embarrassed, I said, Uh, you can play the usual fantasy. A Yeerk can play its host's brain like a VCR, with memories and fantasies in full technicolor. I never fully realized the possibilities until that moment. The fantasy was just there. I was in bed, in a nightgown that came down to my knees. Jake was in my room, his eyes dark and distant. "Sorry if I woke you up," Jake said in my fantasy. "I just… I was having a bad dream, and I thought I might just…" "It's fine," I said, smiling with all the confidence I couldn't muster in reality. "I understand. You need company. Why don't you come over here?" I could tell Jake wanted to resist, be a stoic leader, but he couldn't. He came toward my bed, and I lifted up the covers, inviting him in. He hesitated again, then slipped in under the covers with me. I could feel him against me, so warm. His breath ghosted across my face. I could feel his skin against my bare calves. The cloth of my nightgown was so thin I could feel the firm planes of his body. "It's OK," I said, drawing him closer. "You're with me. I'll take care of you." I pressed my mouth against his, sweetly at first, then more urgently as he melted into the kiss. I rolled on top of him, pressing my hips to his, my palms flat against his broad chest - There, said Aftran, her voice warmth itself. I couldn't be embarrassed, not with the wonder I sensed in Aftran, that my body was welcoming her in, my/her/ our fingers surrounded by the inside of me, by muscles that had opened for her. It had been for the vision of Jake, really, but Aftran had made that vision happen, had overwhelmed my senses with it. Oh, that's – that's why you humans talk about it so much. It's like – embracing yourself. And with a partner, you use this part of yourself to embrace a part of another. I'd never heard anyone talk about sex that way, not even my mom with all her "sacred temple" stuff. It was beautiful. It made me long for what I didn't have. Aftran slid my fingers out, and I felt empty, suddenly. I did this on my own, when I had the time, when I didn't just collapse with exhaustion into bed after a battle. But Aftran brought a childish sense of discovery to it that I couldn't replace, not even if Jake and I did this together. I didn't think Jake could be like this anymore, even with something that ought to be wonderful and new and fun. He would be loving, of course, but with that weight still in his eyes all the while. I'm sorry, Aftran said. I'm sorry that you'll have to be alone. For a moment, I caught a glimpse of her thoughts, of the form she intended to take. I'm sorry too. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!