Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1185233.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Motorcycling_RPF, MotoGP_RPF, Sports_RPF
  Relationship:
      Marc_Marquez/Dani_Pedrosa, Dani_Pedrosa/Valentino_Rossi_-_past_implied
      relationship
  Character:
      Marc_Marquez, Dani_Pedrosa, Santi_Hernandez, Alex_Marquez, Emilio
      Alzamora, Valentino_Rossi, Alberto_Puig, Casey_Stoner, Jorge_Lorenzo, Pol
      Espargaro, Aleix_Espargaro, Andrea_Dovizioso, Andrea_Iannone, Nicky
      Hayden, Ricky_Cardus, Ben_Spies, Cal_Crutchlow, Matt_Roberts, Scott
      Redding
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Fluff, Emotional_Rollercoaster
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-02-15 Completed: 2014-05-16 Chapters: 77/77 Words: 174450
****** Edge of Seventeen ******
by 994527
Summary
     Marc is 17 here. Which is a year younger than reality (and originally
     because of a maths fail), but fits with the story :) everyone else is
     the 'right age' (eg Alex!)..
     This all came from a quote from the Motegi 2010 125cc race
     commentary: "And Marquez said to me that he wanted to get out in
     front and win this race, and then dedicate his championship to his
     great hero Dani Pedrosa."
     STARTS after the 2011 season. Marc was meant to have recovered by
     now. The bad crash he had in Sepang was weeks ago, but he still has
     the eye-patch. Because he's still not ok. And starting to panic...
     Note: this started as Dani and Marc and nothing else, then it became
     huge. So there's a bit more in there...
***** Rodé con las estrellas *****
Marc looked in the mirror and slowly peeled back the patch.
Just no stars. Just no stars, please.
He blinked a few times and watched the two separated images of the world merge
together and flitter apart a few times as they settled back into one.
No stars. Good.
He leaned in slightly and took a good look at the eye. It wasn’t pretty, but it
was there. And pretty much working. Or so he thought.
He turned around, ready to head back downstairs and test it out on further
distances, before the familiar, heartbreaking image that had haunted him since
Sepang came back.
Stars.
He stopped quickly and steadied himself against the doorframe at the top of the
stairs as the world suddenly pitched.
No, no, no, no.
*
“So, how’s it going?”
Marc pressed ‘speaker’ on the screen of his phone and left it on the side as he
pulled a beer out of the fridge and opened it. Don’t ask about the noise.
Because I’ll just tell you it’s Coke anyway. “Yeah not too bad.” He’d put the
patch back on and spent the morning sat on the sofa staring one-eyed out onto
the patio, where some birds had been playing in the snow, then spent the
afternoon watching horrificly bad TV. It was now 830pm. “Not doing much.”
“Are you home alone? Did they go skiing?”
Didn’t want you to ask me that, either. “Yeah. But it’s fine! Like I told them,
it’ll take a while to come back. Everyone can’t put life on hold for me. I’m
glad they went. Just jealous!”
“I know, and it’s annoying when everyone keeps asking if you’re ok…but, we
don’t mind, you know. Keeping you company…”
“Honestly, it’s fine!” Marc locked eye(s) with himself in his reflection in the
polished glass of the cooker and wondered if he was convincing Santi more than
he was convincing himself.
“If you’re sure. But we’re worried about you.”
“You don’t have to be.” Marc smiled bitterly at the irony as he realised he was
already half way through the fresh can of beer, and staring into his sixth
within the last 2 hours. “I’m fine.”
“Right, well…I’ll see you tomorrow at 9, yeah?”
“Yeah. Thanks. See you tomorrow.”
He pressed cancel on the call and threw the can across the kitchen in a sudden
flash of irritation, watching the last of the liquid seep out onto the tiles.
He threw a towel on it and wrenched open the nearest cupboard, only realizing
why when he saw what was in it. Round 2: Vodka.
He shrugged to himself and pulled the bottle out.
See you tomorrow.
*
By 9:51, Santi had realised that Marc wasn’t coming. He was often late, but by
a normal margin. 3-20 minutes, usually. He wasn’t answering his phone, and he
hadn’t turned up. Normally, that would have made him worry. Today, it had made
him panic.
“Hi. Yes…I have a question. I know you probably won’t want to give out
information, but it’s really important. My friend had a taxi booked with you at
8:30 under the name Márquez. He hasn’t arrived yet and he isn’t answering his
phone. Did your driver make the pick up?”
Santi waited as the operator told him to, before the voice returned.
“Our driver says he went to the pick up but nobody answered the door. Sorry I
can’t help you any more.”
Santi’s heart rocketed. “Right. Ok, thank you anyway.”
He cancelled the call and walked back to his car.
Please tell me you didn’t try to drive.
*
Marc hadn’t tried to drive. He hadn’t tried to do anything, because the first
and only thing that woke him up was the incessant banging on the door as Santi
arrived.
Owwwwwwwww.
Bang bang bang bang. Some yelling.
Owwwwwwww.
Marc lifted his head gently and realised he was still on the sofa.
Oh, shit.
He looked round at the clock and started to panic as he saw the time, and
realised what and who the noise was. He was just trying to get to his feet when
movement out the patio doors caught his eye and he found himself staring into a
set of very worried, very angry eyes.
“Open the door!”
Marc struggled into a sitting position and nodded dejectedly. “I’sjn usdibu.”
He coughed and pulled himself to his feet. “I’m coming.”
Santi folded his arms and watched, composure faltering slightly as he watched
the young rider struggle with the door, before squeezing through the gap and
standing above Marc as the Championship runner-up sat back down on the sofa.
“Sorry I didn’t realize the time.”
Santi stared at him and nodded, although Marc didn’t look up. “Obviously.”
Suddenly the rider started to wretch and Santi was left frozen in the living
room as Marc ran off stage left to the toilet and obviously threw up. Oh. I
see. He noticed the pile of cans in the recycling and the bottle of vodka still
wedged in the sofa. I see.
There was the sound of gargled mouthwash and a flush before Marc reappeared and
sat back in the same place.
“Shall we go now?”
Santi shook his head and crouched to Marc’s level. “No. We’re not going
anywhere. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie. What’s going on?”
Marc looked at him for the first time and even through one eye there was enough
anger being communicated for Santi to take a metaphorical step back. Woah.
“There’s nothing going on. I fell asleep and forgot to set the alarm. Sorry I’m
late. It’s not that big a deal.”
“Did you drink all of that?” Santi pointed at the bottle and Marc shrugged.
“Yeah. Sue me.”
This is not the you I know. “What is going on with you? What happened?”
Marc suddenly got to his feet and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of
water, ranting as he went. “You know what happened. And I don’t mean Bradl, I
mean now. I can’t see, Santi! I can’t fucking see! And I can’t ride if I can’t
see.”
“It’s going to take a while to get better, you know that.”
“No one seems to know if it will get better or if that’s it.”
“You said it was getting better.”
“I lied.” Marc turned around again and stared down his compatriot. “It’s
worse.”
Santi was speechless. “Worse?”
“Yeah. Worse. I took the patch off yesterday. They said it should be better a
lot better by now. And you know what happened? I almost fell down the stairs.”
“Oh.” Santi gulped and the angry sheen disappeared from his eyes. “I’m sorry. I
didn’t reali-”
Marc laughed bitterly and the tone got worse, not nicer. “Yeah, everybody’s
sorry! Everybody thinks I’ll win it next year, everyone just assumes it will be
fine. Have any of you thought about the idea of it not being fine? Hmm? Because
from where I’m sitting right now, we’d all better vote for Zapatero because
we’re going to need all the help we can get when we’re unemployed.”
“Don’t talk like that!”
“Don’t talk to ME like this! Don’t stand there and give me all these reasons
and things I can think up for myself. I’m not a child anymore. I don’t need
propping up from a defeat.” Marc’s good eye narrowed and his voice started to
rise. “You don’t have to make sure I keep thinking the right thing at the right
time, get me ready. Because there’s nothing to be ready for! And if I want to
sit in my house and have a few drinks on my time, I’ll do it. In fact, exactly.
Exactly! Today was a favour, and I’m sorry I'm missing it. But I can’t do
anything for anyone right now and you should all just accept that and leave me
alone for a while. I don’t understand why YOU can’t all understand what’s
HAPPENING.” His voice was now perilously shaky. “I can't see, Santi. I CAN'T
SEE.”
Santi stared at him and wondered how on Earth he could diffuse it. “Ok, ok. I’m
sorry. I know. I know it must be so hard. But please, come on. Just calm d-“
Marc shook his head and ran his hands through his hair, suddenly calmer but no
less emotional. “No. I can’t. I need to just …have some space. You need to back
off.”
“We won’t back off if it’s not what’s best for you.”
And if the situation had started to calm, it suddenly flared up again and Marc
pointed at the door.
“Get out.”
***** Y fue a esa edad...llegó Pedrosa a buscarme *****
Chapter Notes
     Yeah I ended up really haute-culture in my titles ;)
Santi spent the drive back in complete silence. I’ve never seen anything like
this before. And I don’t know what to do. It’s true, today was a favour. Maybe
I shouldn’t have asked. Maybe we should give him space. But if this is what he
does when he gets it…
It was the first time he’d ever even heard of the young rider having one beer,
never mind a whole pack. And it was the first time he’d ever seen him hungover.
And angry, certainly to that degree. And the vodka…
I guess now we sit down, and we talk about it and agree how to deal with it.
He felt a flash of guilt as he realised that again, he had assumed that ‘the
team’ was the entity at the middle of the situation, and not one of the best
young riders of all time staring down the barrel of early retirement. But
that’s how we work. No days off from being in a team. Not even days like today.
He pulled back into the car park and walked over to the door, shaking his head
at Emilio as he motioned at him to ask where the young rider was.
“We need to talk about Marc.”
*
They had talked about Marc, and the conclusion they’d reached was that,
essentially, there was nothing they could do.
“Ok. I’m going to try calling him again, and then…I don’t know. Let’s go and do
this stuff, get it over with and come back to this later.”
Everyone nodded and Santi pulled out his phone, again. And again, no answer.
*
Dani felt the mood immediately as he walked into the room. And immediately
noticed the notable absence.
“Marc’s not here?”
A few Repsol branded people turned around and shook their heads. “No. Still
recovering from Sepang. So it’s just you and Casey. And Marc’s bike.”
Dani nodded at them and turned as his Australian teammate appeared through the
door. Still?
*
He knew it wasn’t going to make it any better, but he also couldn’t stop
himself. He’d started at the start of 2010, watching his progress through the
field. Some things he was proud of, some things he wasn’t. And then he’d got to
Motegi.
“And Marquez said to me that he wanted to get out in front and win this race,
and then dedicate his championship to his great hero Dani Pedrosa.”
He wasn’t sure why that particular comment hit him so hard, but it did. It was
true, he had said that. And meant it. Dani. He’s been on the floor a few times.
In fact, that weekend. Collarbone.
He suddenly put the bottle down and curled up into the sofa, grabbing a cushion
and curling himself round it. And then, for the first time, it wasn’t
frustration or anger or resentment he found coursing through him. He was just
heartbroken, and he grabbed onto the cushion for dear life and ripped off the
patch as he realised it was starting to get wet.
And the stars came back.
Dani.
*
Dani stuck his head around the door and smiled. “Hi.”
Santi turned round at the noise and put his phone back in his pocket. “Hi. All
finished?”
Dani nodded and walked into the room. “Yeah. Done. Another Repsol winner
filmed…”
Santi smiled at him and nodded. “Good.”
Slight awkward silence.
“So…Marc’s not recovered yet?”
Ah. That’s why you’re here. “Er…no. Not quite. Best to recover fully before
doing anything like this, I think.” Don’t ask why that decision was made at 10
o’clock this morning.
Dani studied his face and frowned. “Definitely. But…it’s been quite a long
time. Is everything ok?”
“Yeah!” Santi knew he’d answered too quickly and watched Dani’s face register
that fact. “Just needs a bit longer. It was a bad crash…”
The HRC rider frowned at him and then raised his eyebrows. “It was. But I
thought…I don’t know. What’s going on? Is it not healing like it should?”
Santi stared at him and suddenly sighed, looking away out the window. “No. To
be honest, it’s not. Don’t tell anyone, ok?” He looked back at the Sabadell
native and shrugged. “We’re not sure what to do. It’s…he was meant to be here.
He was meant to…he didn’t turn up, so I went to his house…”
Dani waited and realised he wasn’t wanting to continue. “…and?”
Santi sighed and gave up on the silence. “Ok…He’d been drinking last night and
he didn’t wake up this morning. He didn’t look in good shape. And I mean he
looked like he was having a fucking breakdown. I asked him what was going on,
and he said that yesterday he’d taken the patch off and it was…worse.”
Dani took a sharp breath. “Worse?”
“Exactly. He’s panicking that his career is over, basically.”
Dani ran a hand through his hair. “Right. Wow.”
“I know.”
“And you just left him there?!”
Santi raised his eyebrows at him and harrumphed slightly. “No. I got thrown out
is what happened.”
“Oh.”
“I know.”
Dani looked back at him slightly apologetically before starting to move back
towards the door. “Right, well…are you going back over there tonight?”
Santi shook his head. “I have to try and respect what he said."
Dani nodded and paused at the door. “I guess so. I...I don’t know what to
say... I hope he gets better soon, anyway.”
Santi nodded at him and watched as he disappeared.
Me too.
*
Marc had left the races running in the background, largely because he didn’t
want to get up to turn it off. It was now half way through the 2010 MotoGP race
from Motegi, minus Pedrosa. And so they kept talking about him.
Marc sat up slightly as he thought he heard a knock at the door, head cocked to
listen.
Yeah. Definitely. Door.
He dragged himself to his feet and groaned inwardly. Did I not tell you before,
LEAVE ME ALONE.
He got to the door and took a deep breath before opening it to see who it was.
And felt his breath catch in his throat.
His unexpected guest smiled at him hopefully.
“Hi.”
***** Algo golpeaba en mi alma *****
Chapter Notes
     Cosy, cosy.
Marc stood and stared at him as his mind suddenly kicked back into gear and he
wondered what on Earth he must look like, stood staring, probably visible tear
tracks, certainly slightly tipsy. Hair probably everywhere.
And why do I care?
He realised the silence had been too long as he self-consciously ran a hand
over his hair in a bid to appear human.
“Er…hi.”
Dani’s face had gone from a hopeful smile to a frozen version of the same; the
way it always happens when the expected reaction hasn’t been forthcoming but
you can’t let your face show it. Pedrosa raised his eyebrows slightly and kept
his eyes locked on Marc’s. Well…you don’t look good. He took in the tired eyes,
ruffled hair, were those cheeks a bit wet? and crumpled clothes. Actually, it’s
not that you don’t look good. It’s that you don’t look well.
Marc suddenly sprang back to life and motioned the Repsol Honda rider inside.
“Sorry. I’m surprised to see you. Come in.”
Dani finally felt his face relax again as he smiled at the younger rider and
walked past him into the house, hearing the sounds of some sort of commentary
echoing through from the TV. Ah. Motegi. The Yamaha civil war. Why are you
watching that?! “Thanks. Sorry I didn’t call before I came…”
“No problem.” How do you know where I live?! Marc followed Dani back into the
living room and scanned the room for anything embarrassing. Vodka bottle, dirty
plate. Not ideal. “What are you doing here?”
“I was just passing by…” Dani turned and smiled at him as Marc hastily tried to
look at himself and deal with his face in the polished surface of the cooker.
Dani caught the end of the effort and smiled to himself. Interesting. “Watching
Motegi?”
Marc nodded and shrugged. “I was watching…” He trailed off and went slightly
pink. “I was watching the 125 races and I left it playing…”
125 races. Last year. Your year. Oh dear. Dani nodded at him and took a glance
around the room. “Right. Trying to learn something for next year?”
Marc suddenly faltered slightly and Dani saw the infinitesimal clenching of his
jaw. “Maybe.”
“If there is one, you’re thinking. Right?”
Marc stopped fidgeting and stared at him, voice suddenly hard and suspicious.
“Did Santi send you?”
Dani held up his hands and shook his head. “No. I spoke to him when you didn’t
turn up today, but no. He doesn’t know I’m here.”
Marc’s shoulders slumped and he reached for the remote and muted the TV.
“Right. Sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
Marc’s gaze shot up to meet his compatriot’s at the unexpected question before
he suddenly swayed and his hand went out to grab the sofa in a bid to stay
upright. Dani took two steps forward and froze in a haphazard catch position as
he waited to see if Marc had caught it. He had.
“Ok?”
Marc nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m ok. I…I don’t know. I took the eye
patch off a while ago and…it just…I just see stars. Around all the lights. And
sometimes they just go crazy and make my brain wonder which way is up. Sorry.”
Dani frowned at him and held his gaze, noticing how it went from intense to
distant and then back again in split seconds. “Stop apologising. You’re not
very ok, don’t apologise for it.”
Marc shrugged helplessly and just stared. “I can’t do anything else.”
Dani took in the whole image and felt his chest start to constrict. He wanted
to scream at him this isn’t you! What are you doing! You can do anything! “You
can. I don’t know what Santi said to you, but don’t pull that shit with me.”
The 125cc champion’s nostrils flared slightly at the words and his eyes
narrowed. “Don’t do that. Don’t tell me what this is like.”
Dani squared off against him. “I’m not. I’m telling you what you’re like.”
Marc deflated slightly and suddenly sat on the arm of the sofa. “Right now,
this is what I’m like. I drink litres of vodka and I yell at my team. And when
I’m done with that, I curl up on the sofa and…”
Dani waited. And waited. Marc’s gaze dropped to the floor. “…and?”
“And I cry.”
Dani again found himself struggling for air. “Oh.”
Marc looked up and out the window, eyes searching for the space around his
visitor. “So, that’s it. That’s what I’ve been doing.” A bitter laugh echoed
out momentarily before he looked back at the HRC rider. “I’ve been sat here,
crying. Ok?!” He got up again and reached for the vodka, but not before Dani
had already leant forward and grabbed it. They stood frozen in a stand-off
before Marc held his hand out further.
“Don’t. Just leave me alone.”
“No.” Dani turned round and threw the bottle onto the chair behind him. “I
won’t.”
Marc folded his arms and glared. “Here we go again. I can make my own
decisions. I do it all the time. Sometimes I even do it well.” His eyes
narrowed further and he blinked a few times as the focus obviously failed to
catch up. “What do you want me to say? As soon as you leave, I’ll just do what
I want again.”
“Fine. Then I won’t leave.”
“Pffff. You’ll leave if I say you will.”
Dani held up his phone. “Really? Because I bet if I spoke to a few people and
got your dad’s number, a quick call would figure out whether I can stay or
not.”
Marc’s jaw clenched again and he threw his hands up. “Right. Fine. If that’s
the way you want to treat me, go ahead. You’re really helping.”
“Please don’t look at me like that.” Dani’s voice was suddenly softer again,
eyes betraying the frustration at not being understood in his actions. Please.
“Like what?”
“Like you hate me. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Then don’t do this.”
“Do what? You KNOW, somewhere in there, that you’re not dealing with this how
you should be doing, ok? And-“
“And? How SHOULD I be dealing with it? Hmm? Is there some secret book of rules
somewhere that I haven’t seen, ‘How to act when your career has vanished before
your 18th birthday?’”
Dani stared and felt the daggers hit. Hard. “No. I don’t mean you should be
acting how people expect. I mean you should be acting like you.”
“Because you know me so well.”
“Well enough.”
“Really? How?”
“Because…I just do, ok? Same way I think you know me.”
Marc shrugged at him and looked away again. “Whatever you say.”
Dani took a few steps forward and knelt in front of him, taking Marc by
surprise and staring up at him. “I don’t know how it’s going, your recovery.
But I do know that this isn’t helping, ok?” He kept his voice soft and measured
and watched as Marc’s eyes defrosted before daring to take his hands in his.
“And I do know that the person who rode from 38th on the grid in Phillip Island
is the person we need right now. He’s in there still, right?” He grinned and
watched as Marc just about managed a slight sideways smile. Progress. “Because
however bad it seems, even if there’s a 5% chance you’ll ride again NEXT year,
it’s worth putting everything behind it.”
Marc nodded and momentarily closed his eyes. “I-I know.”
“I know you know. I’m just struggling to figure out why you’re still doing
this.”
They stared at each other for a few more seconds and Dani tightened his grip on
Marc’s hands as the younger rider started to grip in return. When Marc spoke
again, he sounded like he was fifty miles away.
“I’m terrified.”
Dani gave his hands another squeeze and nodded slowly. “I can imagine.”
Marc realised the second he’d not immediately replied ‘NO YOU CAN’T’ that the
only thing he’d really needed to happen that night had happened. “Why are you
here?”
This time, there was no suspicion or bad feeling behind it. It was just a
question. More hopeful than suspicious.
“Because it didn’t sound like you were ok.”
Marc started to shake his head and looked away as his eyes welled up. “I’m not.
I-I’m really not.”
“I know.” Dani got his feet and planted a quick, soft kiss on the
CatalunyaCaixa rider’s forehead as he did. “Do you want a drink? Coffee? Or
tea?”
Marc nodded and stared at the silent podium ceremony still happening on the TV,
subconsciously pressing a hand against his forehead where the kiss had planted
as the skin tingled at the memory. “Coffee.” Dani turned on the kettle and made
two cups of coffee as Marc didn’t move, still sat there, waiting. He crouched
back where he had been before and put the cup carefully into Marc’s hand,
making sure he grabbed it in the right place and didn’t get burnt.
“Here.”
“Thanks.” Marc’s eyes focused back on his compatriot and he smiled at him, for
the first time, fully. “Thank you.”
“That’s ok.”
Dani took a seat on the sofa as Marc gently slid down the arm into a proper
sitting position next to him and they stared at Valentino grinning on the
podium, silence punctuated only by sipping. Once they were in the interviews,
Dani looked back at Marc and raised his eyebrows.
“Better?”
“More sober.” The Moto2 rider smiled back at him and shrugged. “So, yeah. A bit
better.”
Dani nodded and smiled in return. “Good. Step 1.”
Marc nodded and took another sip, eyes focused on the TV. “You kissed me on the
forehead.”
Dani froze and tried to keep his eyes trained on Jorge’s stressed face. “Yeah.
Sorry.”
“I…” Marc faltered and risked a look sideways. “I didn’t…I mean, I wasn’t
complaining. I was just…” He trailed off and took at least 10 seconds to start
again, rather than carry on. “Can…can I have a hug?”
Dani looked back at him slowly and nodded. That’s what I’ve been holding myself
back from doing since I arrived. Marc put his cup on the floor carefully, but
instead of turning back to Dani and sitting up, he turned around and put
himself under the other rider’s arm, face resting on his chest. “Thanks.”
Dani felt his heart rate rocket and prayed his future teammate couldn’t feel it
through his shirt. Bliss. I think this is bliss. Or maybe torture. Bliss would
be this every day, without the black clouds as to why. They stayed like that
for a few minutes before Dani felt Marc start to relax against him, and
realised his fingers had been tracing little circles on the younger rider’s
arm.
“Dani?”
“Yeah?”
“If it’s not…if you don’t need to leave…can you stay tonight?”
Dani gave him a squeeze and finally just gave in and pressed his lips to the
top of Marc’s head. “Yeah. I can.”
The CatalunyaCaixa rider moved his hand so it was palm down on Dani’s chest.
Thank you.
***** En tus ojos comienza el país del sueño *****
Eventually Dani had taken it upon himself to turn off the TV. The house was now
still filled with the same silence, but the dancing shadows cast by the picture
had disappeared, and there was just the light of one lamp left. Dani thought
he’d probably arrived about 930, and the clock opposite was now showing 1136.
He didn’t know what time they’d ended up as they now were, but he knew it had
been a long time ago. As soon as Marc’s hand had landed on his chest, he’d
realised two things: one, that he had made the right decision in going there,
and two, he had no idea how to carry on through whatever the next few hours or
days had in store for him. It hadn’t crossed his mind before, because Marc was
Marc, but he’d realised as he’d looked down at his face, eyes closed, relaxed
and zoned out, that he was 17 years old. Seventeen. And that scared Dani. But
he’s not a normal 17 year old. He’s not like I was. He’s not a kid. He’s not
fiery because he’s a teenager, he’s fiery because that’s who he is and always
will be. He acts like he does sometimes because people put him in that
situation to get a reaction. And sometimes they succeed. Or maybe I’ve got it
all wrong and I’m way too close to a dangerous line.
He was pretty sure Marc was asleep. And that was awkward, because Dani
seriously needed the bathroom.
Do I get up gently and try not to wake him? Or do I just wake him up?
Dani stared down at him.
Does trying to not wake him up mean that I’m scared that this is a one time
thing and that it’s not going to go back to this?
He made a decision and leant down so his mouth was hovering close to Marc’s
ear.
“Hey.” His voice sounded like a gunshot and almost made him jump. Marc didn’t
move. “Hey. Marc? Wake up.” Dani gently shook his shoulder and watched as the
younger rider’s eyes fluttered open and the gaze focused on his face. “Hey. I
need to get up.”
“Why?” Marc frowned up at him and Dani knew he’d made the right decision. No
danger of ruining the moment.
“I just need the bathroom.”
“Oh.” Marc’s face flushed with relief and he struggled upright. “Ok. Upstairs.
Second door on the right.”
Dani nodded his thanks and extricated himself gently, feeling the cold slightly
as he suddenly had no body heat against him. He walked upstairs and used the
bathroom before staring at his face in the mirror above the sink. He frowned at
himself before rubbing his washed hands over his face slightly and then staring
himself down again. He’s 17. And he’s hurt. Is this bad? Is …anything at all
that I want right now, is that taking advantage? Or is it the opposite?
He turned around and started back down the stairs. I came here just because I
wanted to help. That, I can say for sure. And I said I’d stay because he wanted
me to. But what else? Is he …responding because he would want to if he was the
freshly crowned Moto2 World Champion? Or because I happen to be here and he's
in need of something, someone? Anyone? Or me? He reached the bottom and walked
back into the room.
“Hey.” Marc turned round and smiled at him hopefully, vodka in hand, pouring it
down the sink. “You approve?”
Dani smiled and nodded. “I approve.”
Marc left the now empty bottle in the sink and walked over to the HRC rider,
slowly, and nervously. “So…you’re staying, yeah?”
Dani nodded and watched him approach, and stop. “If you want me to.”
“Yeah. Please. I…the me who wanted to lock myself in here really wanted
everyone to go away. But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Dani nodded and met his gaze again. “I agree.”
“I need to go to sleep.”
Dani nodded again. “Good idea.”
They stood there in a stand-off for a few seconds before Marc smiled at him and
held out his hand. “Stairs. Follow me. In case I fall on my head. Again…”
Dani felt some of the tension lift and took the hand. “Ok. Just go slow. I know
you’re not very good at that, but…try.”
Marc grinned at him and walked over to the stairs, dragging Dani gently behind
him. “Ok, ok. I’ll try.” He took the stairs slowly and stopped at the top as
Dani got to the same level. “Right. No stars.”
“Good. See? Progress.”
“Maybe.” Marc turned left into his bedroom and Dani realised he was still
getting dragged along.
And what do we do now?
Marc finally let go of Dani’s hand once they were inside, walking over to the
bed and turning on a lamp as he pulled his t-shirt off. Dani stood there, half
watching and half waiting, and then suddenly his brain kicked back into
caretaker mode and he coughed slightly.
“Is the door locked?”
Marc looked at him and smirked, shirtless and knee-weakeningly beautiful, and
raised his eyebrows. “Yes. The door is locked. It locks automatically.”
Dani felt himself go slightly red and thanked the low light. “Right. Good.” He
watched as Marc slid into bed and knew he was going to have to ask.
“Where am I sleeping?”
Marc turned the light off and Dani could see his silhouette lie back and stare
at the ceiling. “I was hoping we’d go back to how we were on the sofa.”
Dani smiled to himself in the darkness and pulled off his shirt. Right. So was
I. He pulled off his trousers and left his boxers on, as Marc had done, and got
into bed next to the younger rider, feeling that warmth once again as Marc
wrapped himself around him and put his head back on his chest. Dani moulded
himself into it and pressed another kiss onto the Moto2 rider’s head. Maybe I
should stop doing that.
Marc’s head turned into Dani’s chest and he left a long, lingering kiss there
before closing his eyes again and finally, for only the second time in two
weeks, he felt himself relax.
Or maybe I should do that more.
***** Bad *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm giving you, on count of three
     To show your stuff, or let it be...
     I got bored with the highbrow literature and went back to Michael
     Jackson, because it's going to get a little bad. (you know it) ;)
Dani woke up early and smiled instinctively at the sunlight, the sound of the
birds and the deadweight of Marc still lying on him. Good morning.
Marc’s eyes opened a few seconds after his and the Moto2 rider’s jaw chewed
slightly before his mind caught up with where he was, making Dani’s skin
shiver.
“Good morning.”
“Morning.” Marc pulled his head up and grinned. “Good morning. It is.”
Dani felt his eyes widen happily as his lips were suddenly hit by Marc’s. Soft,
and slow, Marc’s tongue gently explored his before he pulled back and nervously
smiled. “I wanted to do that last night. But I was too scared. And scared maybe
it was vodka-bravery…”
Dani stared at him, speechless, now seeing stars of his own, before finally
finding his voice. “Right…”
Marc’s face fell and he suddenly sat up and stared at the far wall. “Sorry.
God, sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sure you were probably just here
to…not for that. Sorry.” He started to get up and Dani snaked an arm around his
waist.
“Don’t leave. You just took me by surprise.”
Marc turned and stared at him. “By surprise.”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve been curled up with me all night, and that was a surprise?”
Dani smiled at his incredulous expression and nodded. “Yes.”
“Ok.” Marc shrugged back, happily but helplessly, and shook his head. “Well…I’m
going to get some coffee. Want some?”
The HRC rider nodded and let go as he mirrored Marc’s movement, both getting
out of each side of the bed and getting dressed, before the younger rider
stopped and turned back to him. “I want to just…say something.”
Dani waited.
“Ok...just…thank you, I guess. For being there….here. Still. Just…I don’t know.
Forget what….forget what I just did. That’s not why I wanted you to stay...I'm
not trying to use you…but thank you.”
Dani nodded and smiled at Marc’s disappearing form as he wasn’t given time to
reply. Sometimes, maybe he does seem 17.
He heard the footsteps stop at the top of the stairs and realised why, hand
already out for Marc to take as he headed out the door.
“Seen any stars yet today?”
“No. Not since last night.”
“That’s good.”
Marc nodded as he focused on the stairs and his forearm muscle flexed as he
grabbed hold of Dani tighter. “It is. But it makes me nervous.”
“Why?”
They were now at the bottom. “Because I know the next time it happens, it’ll be
even more disappointing.”
Dani squeezed his hand before letting go of it and shadowing him into the
kitchen. Marc walked over to the coffee maker, which Dani hadn’t realised was
there the night before, feeling a flash of irritation at having waited for the
kettle, watching as Marc pressed some buttons after putting some cups under the
nozzle. He then turned to the CD player and pressed ‘play’, filling the house
with insanely loud guitars. Dani winced slightly and smiled as he realised Marc
was, at least partially, ‘back’. How long will it last? The CatalunyaCaixa
rider turned round with the coffee and caught Dani’s happy but noise-offended
expression before he could hide it.
“Sorry! TOO LOUD? IT’S HOW I WAKE UP.”
Dani spread his hands and smiled. “IT’S YOUR HOUSE.”
“OH, IT’S MINE NOW IS IT?” Marc narrowed his eyes at him cheekily and Dani
stared back at him in an attempt to convey that that wasn’t funny.
“I DON’T TAKE THAT THREAT BACK. AND YEAH, ACTUALLY-” Marc suddenly turned it
down and Dani found himself unnecessarily yelling. “Actually, I’m sure you
don’t do this when everyone’s home.”
“But everyone’s not home. It’s just me…” Marc put the cup in Dani’s hand. “And
you.”
“I guess it is. Can we leave it at that volume please?”
Marc laughed over his cup and pouted with a froth moustache. “Ok, sir.”
Dani stared at him and shook his head. “Don’t make me feel old.”
“I wasn’t trying to. But if that’s what you took from that…”
“Don’t lie. And yeah, I did. And I don’t like it. Don’t remind me that…” Dani
wondered whether to carry on and Marc’s face gradually changed from cheek to
intrigue.
“Remind you of what?”
Cough. “The age gap.”
Marc’s eyebrows raised and he smiled. “Age gap? Is there something you want to
tell me?”
Dani finally put the cup down and gave up. “Yeah. About that speech
upstairs…that’s not why I came here, either. I didn’t come because…I wanted
anything. I came because I thought I might be able to help…because…” He studied
Marc’s face and took a deep breath. “Because I care about you. I have for a
while. I realised it when Cluzel rear-ended you earlier this year. Watching you
in that gravel was…horrible. You weren’t moving enough. But anyway…” He cleared
his throat. “What I’m trying to say is, this is a bit difficult. I don’t want
to feel like I’m abusing-“
“Abusing?!” Marc let out a little laugh and rolled his eyes. “Come on.”
“You’re 17! And…well, I’m not old. I’m not trying to say I’m old. But
you’re…hurting. And…it’s difficult. Because it feels like it might be taking
advantage.” He held up a finger to show Marc he wanted to finish what he was
saying. “I’m not saying you don’t know what you’re doing. You’re 17 on paper,
but that doesn’t make much difference to who you are, at least, not to me. But
I’ve been in this situation. Well, less age gap in terms of years. But much
more in terms of…maturity. The person I was involved with…well, he wasn’t
taking advantage, that’s unfair. But it was just fun. And I regret some of it.
I would make different decisions now.”
Marc was staring at him, eyes wide. “You care?”
I love that that’s the first thing you got from that. “Yeah. I care. Like I
said before upstairs, I was surprised. I didn’t say I didn’t want it.”
“Right.”
Dani watched Marc’s brain tick over and he suddenly seemed to remember the foam
moustache and licked it off. Dani felt a shiver go through him. Tongue. No. Not
now.
“Well…I kissed you.”
Dani nodded and smiled questioningly.
“So I guess you know how I feel. And-“ Marc did the same thing Dani had done
before and raised his index finger in a ‘be quiet’, “-I did that because I
care. It wasn’t…it wasn’t just a physical thing.” He shrugged and smiled before
relaxing his shoulders and staring into the cup. “I can’t even tell you what it
felt like to open that door last night and see you standing there. I needed
that so badly. I needed someone to do that. To turn up, treat me like a human
being, and then just…be there. And when I opened the door I was…surprised. But
from when you knelt down and stared at me, I realised that that’s why you were
here. And how it wasn’t someone I needed to do it. I mean, Santi tried. It
was...well, on that topic…” He looked back up, sheepishly. “I’m sorry I was
such a dick.”
Dani smiled at him and laughed softly. “That’s ok.”
“Maybe.” Marc took another sip of coffee and then put the cup down and leant on
the counter, Dani again unable to ignore the flexing muscle in his forearm.
“You said something about someone else? Can I ask who?”
Dani clenched his jaw and resigned himself to it. If we’re being honest… “Yeah.
I wasn’t…well, I wasn’t going through anything like you are. But there was
another rider.” Marc stared and waited. “An older rider.” Dani looked away and
readied himself. “Called Valentino.”
The younger rider’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open slightly. “Seriously?”
Dani nodded and looked back at him as he felt weight lift from his shoulders.
“Yeah!” He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “And I’ve never
told anyone that before. So…don’t tell anyone, ok?”
Marc nodded earnestly. “Ok, ok. I won’t.” Pause. “Wow.”
Dani raised both his palms upwards and shrugged. “I know. But…you’re serious.
I’m serious. You’re SO beautiful. Don’t interrupt!” He grinned at Marc about to
say something self-deprecating, “…but…if it would be taking advantage in ANY
way, I’ll walk away. I don’t want anything physical if that’s all it is.”
Marc rolled his eyes slightly and smiled, making an attempt to cover up quite
how much he'd blushed at that comment. “Ok, cards on the table. I’m gay.” He
looked at Dani questioningly. “Sounds like you’re gay too.”
“Bisexual.”
“Hmm. Ok.” He picked up the cup again and took a sip before noticing Dani’s
expression. “What? You look surprised. Again.”
Dani nodded at him. “I am surprised. You’re gay?”
“Gay. Very gay. I’ve slept with 3 girls, and 2 guys, and I can say for absolute
sure that I am very, very gay.”
“Oh.”
“Did you not expect that?”
“No. I kind of expected you to be confused and wonder what was happening and
why you were…hopefully…feeling things for me.”
Marc grinned at him wickedly. “Sorry.”
Dani laughed into the cup as he finished the last of his coffee.
“Underestimated again, eh?”
Marc laughed and shrugged. “Maybe. But…back to what you were saying. It is NOT
taking advantage. I promise. It’s not. I’m not fine…I’m not fine yet, no. Ok.
But that’s got nothing to do with what I’m thinking. The only thing it IS doing
is…probably making me a bit braver. Because I don’t want you to leave.” Marc’s
voice was a bit softer and he suddenly looked at Dani with all of the laughter
gone from his eyes. “If anything, it’s me taking advantage of you.”
Dani shook his head. “Believe me, it’s not that.”
“Good.” Marc smiled again and seemed to shake himself out of it. “And actually,
if this won’t freak you out…I like it.”
“What?”
“The age gap.”
Dani narrowed his eyes. “What?!”
“I like it.” Marc slowly smiled and played with his cup. “I like that you’re
older. Older man.” He watched Dani’s face gravitate between worry, interest and
lust. “I like it.”
“O-Oh.”
“And it wouldn’t be that big a gap if we were in our forties, sure. But now? I
like it. A lot.” Marc grinned and raised an eyebrow. “Ok?”
He saw Dani gulp and nod. He’s still slightly freaked out.
“Is that weird to you? Honestly?”
Dani just stared.
“Ok, come on. Stop thinking about rules and what’s ‘acceptable’ or whatever,
does it not…slightly…turn you on?”
Dani felt himself blush despite him definitely not being the teenager in the
room. “Stop.”
Marc grinned and stood up. “Make me stop.” He started walking slowly towards
the MotoGP rider and spread his arms. “Just forget about what your brain’s
saying. Honestly. You must like it, at least a bit. You don’t think I’m
attractive?”
How did he turn these tables?! “Obviously.”
“And you don’t think that even a bit of that is because I’m 17.”
Dani gulped and locked eyes with him. “Maybe…a bit. Physically.”
Marc smiled knowingly and found himself face to face with him, close. “Good.
Because I noticed those scars on your shoulder. And on your arm…” Marc gently
lifted Dani’s forearm and traced his finger down the line of it. “I love that
you’re…experienced. And I know I have scars too…” Marc lifted his other arm and
briefly covered his bad eye. “But not that many, not yet anyway. I love that
you already have a story…”
Dani blinked slowly a couple of times before letting his eyes settle back on
Marc’s.
“You’re pure evil.”
Marc grinned wickedly and shrugged slightly. “Oh?”
Dani wrapped one arm around his waist and pulled him through the last few
inches of space between them.
“But…maybe…I DO like it.”
He pressed his lips against Marc’s, as the younger rider had done to him 15
minutes before, and felt the response immediately. Marc pressed against him and
they both took two involuntary steps back, Dani pushed up against the door.
Marc’s hands ran their way through his hair and he pulled away slightly before
pressing his lips to Dani’s ear and whispering.
“You know, my parents could walk in at any time…”
Dani felt that guilty, deliciously dirty feeling rip back through his groin,
feeling something finally snap as Marc pressed his lips back against his. Dani
moved his hands down to cup Marc’s arse and lifted him up, walking them both
back over to the central island, still locked together, putting Marc down on
the smooth, polished worktop as they listened to each other’s breathing and
finally pulled apart. Marc stared at him.
“I knew it.” A small line of sweat glistened on the Moto2 rider's brow as he
dipped his head slightly and pressed a gentle kiss to Dani’s lips before
locking their eyes back together again. “But before this goes any further, I
need to say…I’m serious about this.”
Dani felt a different part of his body respond as he stared back and his heart
hammered. “Me too.” He replicated Marc’s kiss and waited for a response.
Marc nodded and briefly pressed his forehead against his, closing his eyes.
“Good.” He took a couple of breaths whose intensity made Dani desperately want
him, more even than when he’d slammed him into the door, walked across the
floor towards him with his eyes glistening, curled himself up around Dani;
before Marc opened his eyes again and smiled.
“Now, let’s do something bad.”
***** Me equivoqué *****
Chapter Notes
     Sexy time, before some more emotional times. And, I do not write
     things like this, usually. If you want more, or if you like, let me
     know somehow. Please?
     I feel naked and scared. ;)
Marc wrapped his legs around Dani as the older rider’s lips attacked his neck.
This was it now, restraint had been completely blown out the window and to
prove that point, Marc felt his hand connect with a coffee mug and send it
sprawling across the kitchen in a shower of porcelain shards. His brain just
about managed to register a distant ‘oops’ before he was again lifted off the
counter and slowly levitated towards the stairs; the desperation of the first
few steps fading as they both relaxed into it and slowed the pace. Marc ran a
hand down each side of Dani’s hair and clamped his legs around him tightly,
taking his turn to kiss Dani’s neck, a long, slow line traced by his tongue as
his arms locked behind the older rider’s head.
And it’s not just what I said before. It’s this. Marc felt himself relax
against Dani as they made their way upstairs, terrifying himself slightly at
how safe he felt being carried up like that. Dani was smaller than him in terms
of height, but although Marc was taller, he wasn’t as strong. He was flexible,
his limbs were longer, and he was lithe, but Dani was compact and somehow
powerful, and Marc felt that in every step they took until they reached the
top, feeling that rare and strangely blissful feeling of relinquishing control.
And feeling, more than anything, that he was completely protected from anything
and everything.
That’s what I didn’t say. That more than anything, I trust you. Completely.
They reached the bedroom and Dani gently lowered him onto the edge of the bed
as Marc relaxed his grip on him and slid down, moving back as Dani knelt on the
bed over him and they both ended up in the middle, suddenly stopping and
staring at each other before Dani’s hand found the bottom of Marc’s t-shirt and
slowly pulled it up and over his head. Marc did the same as their tongues took
another few moments to explore each other, the younger rider unsnapping the
button on Dani’s jeans and pulling them down, mouth still occupied, feeling
Dani pull each leg out and kick them off the bed before pushing Marc’s head
gently back into the pillow and slowing again to listen to each little gasp
when their mouths were briefly apart. He kissed down Marc’s jaw and neck,
journeying down the line of his collarbone and finding a hand tangle itself
into his hair as Marc’s legs again wrapped around him, cutting off the space in
between them and forcing the friction. Dani let his tongue continue its journey
further and circled Marc’s nipple, eliciting a soft whimper from the Moto2
rider that made every pore in Dani’s skin flash white hot. He got to the
waistband of Marc’s jeans and slowly relaxed his thighs so he was sat on the
younger rider, undoing the button and then leaning down again to press his
mouth against his, not wanting to rush a single second. He could feel Marc
starting to squirm underneath him, feel his fingers rake across his back as his
teeth nipped at his lip and again made Marc moan into his mouth. The vibration
travelled through Dani’s spine with a shiver as Marc suddenly, but gently,
pushed back against him and turned them to pin him down to the bed, kneeling
above him and smiling softly as Dani hooked a finger through each side of the
waistband of his jeans and started to pull them down. Marc sat up slightly to
get them as low as possible before letting Dani wrap around him again and turn
them back over, feeling himself melt into complete elastic as the older rider
pulled the jeans free and threw them on the floor. He immediately started on
his boxers and felt his breath get caught in this throat as Dani did the same
and Marc arched his back, wrapping himself around the older rider, suddenly
nothing at all in between them.
Dani felt the raw skin contact like he was on fire. Marc’s kiss suddenly got
more desperate and in each glance Dani caught of his eyes, they looked darker
and darker until they were finally two pools of midnight black, shining at Dani
in pure need as he clawed at him and pushed against him for more contact, more
friction, finding themselves in a dangerous rhythm that they both seemed to
realise was going to take them over the edge too soon. Dani clamped Marc’s
wrists to the bed and stared into his eyes.
“Slower.”
Marc’s chest heaved up and down and he nodded, line of sweat on his brow
glistening, tongue playing with his top lip. “I know.” His left arm snaked out
to the bedside cabinet and retrieved a tube that he threw down next to them.
Dani suddenly felt a wall hit him. You do. You know. You know that this isn’t
today, or this week, or this moment, you know that this isthe first time. The
first time we do this. And it won’t be the last. And it will always be one of
the most important moments of my life, no matter what happens tomorrow. Dani
leant down and kissed him again, gently, feeling himself trying to convey the
feeling more than the lust, and Marc responded in kind, softly leaning up to
meet him.
It won’t be the last.
Dani traced his lubed fingers down Marc’s ribs and over his hip before wrapping
them around his cock, eyes still locked together, feeling the muscles in his
abdomen tighten, watching the flash of pleasure ignite his pupils. Marc’s legs
bucked slightly underneath him and Dani gradually moved his hand in a slow
rhythm, watching fascinated as every little movement was mirrored in the
younger rider’s expression, until Marc’s fingernails dug into his back and he
pulled Dani’s ear down to his lips, cocks sliding against each other as he took
back some control, moaning in unison.
“Just…please.” Marc’s breath hit Dani’s ear before their mouths connected
again.
Dani nodded into the kiss and moved his hand further until his finger found its
destination and he gently eased inside, Marc’s muscles contracting
involuntarily around him as he simultaneously pushed his hips desperately
towards Dani, the two reactions at odds with each other, but one meaning more
than the other. Marc’s head pushed back against the pillow as his neck muscles
went taught, Dani gently adding fingers as he felt Marc start to relax.
“Please, Dani.” Marc squirmed underneath him. “Please.”
Dani slowly removed his fingers and slowly, gently pushed himself inside as
Marc’s hand again tangled in his hair and a gasp echoed out across the room.
Dani felt the hot, tight contact wrapping around him almost too much to allow
him to breathe, Marc’s soft breath hitting his cheek the only other thing in
the world making any impression on his consciousness. He slowly pushed deeper,
Marc straining against him, begging for more without words, gently starting to
feel themselves come back together and find that slow rhythm they’d found
before.
“Dani…”
The sound of his name coming from those lips sent Dani spiralling. Marc closed
his eyes and ran his hands down the older rider’s back slowly, taking his arse
in his hands and gently pulling Dani towards him until he hit that sweet spot
with every thrust, breath getting harder to find as they let go of any
awareness of anything around them and just felt that pressure building, Marc
arching his back to find contact with Dani’s tightened stomach muscles as the
other rider pressed his lips against Marc’s again. The younger rider contorted
against him frantically as their speed increased, rhythm giving way to need. A
few moments of suspended reality followed before Marc’s hands dug in.
“Dani..I’m going to-”
The HRC rider nodded into the kiss and finally let himself go, the final few
thrusts sending them both sprawling over the edge in a pile of sweat. They
collapsed side by side on the bed and stared at the ceiling, gasping, before
they both turned in, almost at the same time, and were face to face. Dani
looked at the deep black of Marc’s eyes glinting at him, and Marc looked at the
flushed cheeks and parted lips of the older rider, before they both leaned in
and shared another long, slow kiss.
I was wrong about my definition of bliss.
***** Siempre te alejas en las tardes *****
Chapter Notes
     Loving my Spanish poetry again, sorry. ;)
“Ok. When is everybody supposed to be back?”
“Tomorrow.” Marc narrowly avoided spraying crumbs over the HRC rider as he
answered. “Tomorrow afternoon.”
“Right.” Dani studied the chewing for a second and a slow smile crossed his
face. “Wow, you’re very attractive right now.”
Marc glared and gave him the finger. “I’m HUNGRY.”
Dani held his hands up in defeat and grinned. Maybe I wasn’t even lying. “Ok…do
you want me to stay here tonight? Because I need to cancel my hotel.”
Marc nodded and finally swallowed. “Is that ok?”
Dani leant forward and brushed a crumb off Marc’s face with his index finger.
“Yeah. But I need to go and fetch my stuff.”
“Ok.” Marc shrugged and got up, taking both their plates over to the sink.
Well house trained. Dani smiled at the sight and noticed Marc’s phone light up
again on the worktop. “Do you want to come with me? Or you’re ok on your own
for a bit?”
“Where’s the hotel?” How long would you be?
“Castelldefels.”
Marc turned round, eyes wide. “You drove here from Castelldefels?!”
“Yeah. Also, your phone went off. So are you coming?”
Marc looked around the kitchen as if assessing whether it would burn down in
his absence before nodding. “Yeah. If that’s ok?”
“Actually I was asking to be polite and I’m trying to run away.”
Marc put his hands on his hips and pouted. “Don’t break my heart.”
Dani grinned and picked up the younger rider’s phone, handing it to him almost
by force. “Let’s go. And stop ignoring your calls.”
Marc took it begrudgingly and shrugged. “I don’t know what to say to them.
Especially now.”
“Well…I’m sure they just want to know you’re ok, more than anything. So call
back, apologise maybe, and say you’re ok. Or getting better, at least...feeling
more positive.” Right?
Marc nodded and put the phone in his pocket, still looking unhappy at the
prospect. “Ok. I will. On the way.”
They got in the car and Marc put the radio on low, Dani smiling to himself at
how bad he was at dealing with silence. Marc stared out the passenger window at
the Catalan countryside as they got to the motorway, suddenly turning back to
Dani fast enough for the Sabadell native to turn to him.
“What…where are you going? After tomorrow?”
Dani sighed and shrugged. “Let’s just see what happens. I have a flight booked
from El Prat at 6 in the evening.”
“Oh.” Marc turned back to his staring and bit his lip. “I didn’t think about
that. You don’t live here anymore.”
Dani sensed the impending pessimism and squeezed Marc’s knee next to the gear
stick. “No, I don’t. But don’t worry about it yet. Like I said, let’s just see
what happens.”
Marc’s fingers covered his and wove themselves into the gaps seamlessly, giving
Dani’s hand a gentle squeeze. “See what happens...”
Dani nodded at him before forcing his eyes back on the road, leaving his hand
where it was. They were cruising at 120. He didn’t need it.
And it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
Marc suddenly pulled their hands up to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on the
side of Dani’s. “Just don’t disappear.”
Dani gave his hand a squeeze in return and shook his head. “Relax.”
I’m almost about to hopelessly and helplessly plead with you to get the flight
with me. Don’t worry.
*
They were about 20km away before Marc suddenly pulled his hand free and braced
himself on the dashboard.
“Woahhh…” He stared down at himself and Dani watched his fingers go white as he
then grabbed onto the seat for dear life.
“Dizzy?”
“YES.” He looked briefly up at the road disappearing in front of them again
before realising how bad an idea it had been and looking down again. “We need
to stop.”
“Close your eyes?”
“It won’t help. Please. We need to STOP.”
Dani heard the edge of authority in it and nodded as he pulled off just in time
up the exit for the next service station and screeched unceremoniously to a
halt in the first free parking spot. He pulled the handbrake on and turned
fully to Marc, watching him breathing in and out, slowly, obviously focusing on
trying to stop whatever craziness his brain was doing to him.
“You ok?”
A tiny shake of the head. That bad. The kind of situation where forming words
is too distracting.
Dani felt himself start to panic as he realised he had absolutely no idea what
to do, before realising the biggest problem was probably that exact same
feeling in Marc. He grabbed the younger rider’s hands and pulled them towards
him so Marc angled towards him too.
“Ok. Stay calm. Deep breaths.”
“Trying. It’s spinning.”
“I know. You’re doing fine. We’re stopped now. Do you think it would be better
to get out the car?”
Silence.
“Marc. I need an answer so I can try and help.”
Silence.
“MARC. Try and look at me.”
His eyes snapped up to Dani and stared. “Hmm?”
“Outside?”
“Y-yeah.”
Dani ripped himself out the car and ran around to the passenger side quicker
than he’d probably have managed to do it on his bike. He pulled open the door
and leaned over Marc to undo the seatbelt before slowing down and grabbing the
Moto2 rider’s right arm to help him out. Marc got to his feet unsteadily and
leant back against the car, staring at Dani in that classic look of stress in a
situation where there didn’t seem to be a quick fix.
“Floor.” Marc knelt down on his knees before turning over and lying flat on the
tarmac, eyes shut. Dani stared down at him helplessly and took a quick look
around to see what kind of glances they were earning. Quite a few. He briefly
considered the implication of that before crouching down next to him, waiting a
few seconds, wondering what to ask or do, before Marc suddenly opened his eyes
and blinked a few times up at the sun.
“Ok.” He looked at Dani and back at the sky, testing it out slowly. “Better.”
He slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position, face now dangerously close
to Dani’s given the fact they were in public, and nodded. “Yeah. Better.” He
smiled at Dani,brave face and they watched each other’s lips twitch slightly as
the instinct to share a quick kiss obviously hit them both. Marc took Dani’s
offered hand and pulled himself back upright. “Thanks. That was bad.”
“I know.” They hovered next to each other and Dani felt himself restraining his
arms from grabbing Marc. “It’s gone?”
“Yeah.” The Moto2 rider took a few more breaths and his shoulders visibly
relaxed a few inches. “For now.”
They locked eyes with each other and both looked round to see if anyone was
watching, before Marc took the plunge and risked it, wrapping his arms around
Dani and leaning against him for a few seconds, slightly shaky. He pressed his
lips to Dani’s ear and whispered, before burying his face in his neck.
“That was bad.”
Dani nodded into his shoulder and squeezed him. “I know.” A few seconds ticked
on and Marc didn’t let go. “But it’s rare. It IS improving, ok?”
Marc didn’t reply and Dani pulled away and studied his face. “We're not going
anywhere until you say it’s getting better.”
Marc took a deep breath and nodded, resignedly. “It’s…getting rarer.”
“Which is better.”
“Which is…better.”
Dani smiled and let go of him, suddenly conscious of where they were again.
“Ok. We’re stopped anyway. Do you want to get a drink? Bathroom?”
Marc shook his head. “I’m ok.”
Not in any sense of the word. Dani passed him the keys. “Ok. I’m going to the
bathroom.”
He walked away as Marc got back in the car, forcing himself not to turn round
and check he’d managed that successfully, and made his way inside, shadow
suddenly making outside seem impossibly bright. He followed the signs to the
toilet, footsteps quickening as he got closer, before going inside and looking
around to check no one was in there. Empty. He went in a stall and locked the
door, leaning against it and taking in big gulps of air as he leant his head
back and stared at the ceiling, letting out a small involuntary whimper.
Oh my God.
He had never, ever been that terrified before in his life. Heading towards a
barrier at high speed was one thing, but the helplessness of not knowing what
to do, and of it not being him, but someone close to him. The adrenaline
wearing off made him sit down abruptly on the closed seat of the toilet.
He found himself ironically taking the same breaths as Marc had done outside,
staring at a fixed point on the door and trying to force his heart rate back
below 180. He’d just about managed it when a rustle and a cough announced the
arrival of someone else, and he flushed the toilet instinctively and walked
back out to the sink, studying his reflection to check he wasn’t going to scare
anyone on the way back to the car. Fine, all fine.
He retraced his steps back to the car and smiled at Marc through the window as
he approached, hoping the younger rider couldn’t see the fear still in there.
“Ok…let’s go.”
Marc turned the radio down as Dani got back in and started the engine, winding
down his window and smiling across at the HRC rider.
“Do you have any spare sunglasses?”
Dani looked away and out the window as he took a deep breath. I really didn’t
understand how you’d ended up like you did. “Yeah. In there.” He pointed at the
glove box and smiled as Marc tried them on and flipped down the visor to see in
the mirror. Now, I think I do.
***** Bello Embustero I *****
“You need to see this.”
Santi walked, or stormed, into Emilio’s office and slammed his phone down on
the desk in front of his fellow Spaniard. Emilio looked down at the screen and
stared. It was a tweet, with pictures.
@_sammi26: ¡¡¿¿¿Soy loca o es @marcmarquez93 y @26_DaniPedrosa ???!!
#MolinsdeRei
Emilio looked at the pictures for a few seconds, completely expecting it to not
be his rider and Dani. But it was. And what a set of pictures. The first one
was Marc lying on the floor and Dani crouching next to him, looking worried.
They seemed to be at a service station. And then Marc sitting up, inches
between their faces, looking at each other, seriously. Marc putting his arms
around Dani, Marc with his face buried in the older rider’s shoulder, then
pulled apart, Dani with his arms round the younger rider’s waist still, staring
into his eyes, saying something. Then back in the car, Marc with sunglasses on.
Emilio was transfixed. What what what what what…
“It’s them, isn’t it?”
Santi broke the spell and looked down at him with an expression Emilio imagined
he shared.
“Yeah, it’s them.”
“Why are they in Molins de Rei?! Where are they going?! Why is Dani there?! Why
is Marc ignoring us and then obviously fine to go somewhere with him?”
Emilio held his hands up slightly, calmer but also conscious of being fair.
“He’s not ok, is he? Looks like he…I don’t know. Not passed out, but…he
probably went dizzy.”
“Yeah, fine. Probably. So why is he in a hire car with Dani Pedrosa at a
service station north of Barcelona?”
“Now that, I have no fucking idea.”
Santi shrugged at him as if explaining that that wasn’t good enough. “He was a
MESS. I mean, he was…he looked like someone had buried him alive, drowned him
in vodka and then set fire to him. And look now! Sunglasses. Clean clothes.
That Superdry jacket that he never wears. Where are they going?!”
Emilio stared at him, waiting for an explanation that Santi knew he probably
couldn’t give.
“Are you going to say it or am I?”
Santi looked at him and then looked away. “I know. And no, I don’t know about
you, but he’s never hugged me unless we’ve won. Never. Does he even know Dani
that well? I mean, he was always his hero, and obviously the Repsol and Red
Bull connection…but…what is going on?”
“Ok. Why don’t we just ask?”
“What?”
“Why don’t we try calling him and ask? Or, call Dani?”
Santi looked at him as though that was some kind of gesture; as if calling Dani
because they knew he could talk to Marc was admitting that there was more to
it.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
Emilio shrugged and pointed at the photos. “What else can we do?”
*
Marc’s phone rang when they were just around the corner from the hotel.
“It’s Santi.” Marc looked across and held it up. “I’ll call him back in a
minute when you’re inside. Promise.”
Dani nodded and smiled at him as he pulled into the car park. He was about to
get out the car when his phone started to ring. He pulled it out, not really
connecting the two events, before he slowly looked up at Marc and showed him
the screen.
“How does he know I’m with you?”
Marc stared back at him, fear and hope equal. “Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe it’s
chance…”
Dani shook his head and sighed. “Come on. He must know. How does he know?!” He
suddenly looked back at the phone as he realised it had been ringing long
enough for it to almost be time out. “Do you want me to answer or not?”
Marc shook his head. “Leave it, and I’ll call him back. Now.” The HRC rider
looked doubtful and Marc shooed him. “Go and check out, I’ll call.”
He waited until Dani was inside before watching his finger hovering over the
call button. Ok, deep breaths. Here we go. He pressed it and put the phone to
his ear, fingers tapping nervously on his knee as it rang. Maybe he won’t ans-
“MARC!”
“Hi.” He waited for a few seconds and then repeated it. “Hi..?”
“You called back.”
“Yeah.” Just play it cool. Like you’ve been fine. “I’m sorry I’ve been…out of
touch.”
“We were really worried.”
“I know. I’m sorry…I just needed space from everyone….” Except… “And I’m… sorry
I yelled at you…I was just feeling…a bit hopeless…and…well. I’m sorry.”
He heard Santi take a deep breath and imagined him nodding. “It’s ok.
I…we…understand. I just wanted to help. But maybe sometimes…” A sigh.“Sometimes
I do forget that I shouldn’t…try and take charge of everything. Just in the
team.”
Marc smiled at that, and felt himself start to relax. “So…it’s ok? We’re
all…ok?” He noticed his own happily surprised expression in the mirror,
starting to feel nerves creeping in as to why this was so easy.
“Yeah. I was calling you because I was worried! I’m not angry about it.” Pause.
“Anymore…” Cough. “So how are you?”
“A bit better. I’ve had a few moments, but they’re rarer.”
“That’s good.” Another pause. “So…where are you?”
Marc felt himself caught between truth and lie, deciding lie might be safer for
the moment. And also not ready to explain, and also slightly suspicious why
Santi hadn’t assumed he was at home. “Er…I’m at home? Not with vodka though,
don’t worry!” He cringed at the poor attempt at lightening the tone and waited
for the answer. Santi indulged him with a slight laugh, before Marc realised
the game was up.
“Really? Because 38 minutes ago you were at a service station in Molins de
Rei.”
Fuuuuuuuuck. Marc ran a hand through his hair and wished he’d just gone for the
truth. That was explainable, to an extent. Lying about it was weird. “How do
you know that?” And why why why did you call Dani?
“You’ve not been on twitter, have you?”
Marc’s blood ran cold. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuuuuuuck. He tried to keep his voice calm
and reply lightly. “No?! Not for a few days. Why?”
“Because someone has pictures of you and Dani in Molins de Rei, so I just
wondered what was going on.”
Right. Pictures. Of me lying on the floor? Hugging? Did they look friendly or
too friendly? “Oh. Well yeah, I…well, I didn’t want to call you back. I was
scared you might be quite mad. So I thought if I left it, maybe you’d cool
off…Sorry. We’re in Castelldefels now.”
Santi laughed slightly too happily. “Oh! I’m glad you’re out the house, anyway.
I didn’t realise you and Dani were friends.”
“Yeah! He…texted me the other day when I didn’t show up to see if I was ok, and
then he’s not going back to Geneva until tomorrow, so…just catching up.” With
the orgasms. Marc had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing slightly,
reacting to the stress inappropriately. Do NOT laugh. Do NOT. “So…” His voice
sounded tight and he coughed, noticing Dani walking back towards the car.
Please, please don’t laugh.“…everything’s ok?” Because my gay lover’s back now.
That just made Marc get hit with flashes of them in bed together, and he
snapped his eyes away and stared at the hotel resolutely. Don’t mention sex.
“If you’re ok, then yeah.
“I’m getting better, I hope.”
Dani got back in and shut the door softly, cringing slightly at the noise and
looking questioningly at the younger rider trying to gauge the mood. Marc gave
him a thumbs up and a little shrug as Santi replied.
“Good. Ok…well…Is it ok with you if I call the doctor and try and find out a
bit more information on the prognosis?”
Marc’s eyes widened and he looked up at Dani, slightly impressed. Wow. He
actually asked if it was ok. “Yeah. Of course! They’ll tell you. I told them
they could speak to you.”
“Oh. Ok.” Santi sounded faintly relieved, surprised and happy with that.
“Thanks.”
“All good. Ok, I’m going to go now, Dani’s back.” From fetching his stuff from
the hotel room, so we’re just going to go back to my house and spend most of
the evening in bed together. “And, Santi?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. For everything. And for asking.”
“Look after yourself. I’ll speak to you soon, ok?”
“Ok. Bye.” Marc cancelled the call and let out a whoosh of air. “Pffffff."
“Sounded ok?"
Marc nodded and looked back at the HRC rider. “With him, it’s fine, now, I
think. But… someone tweeted pictures of us from the service station…”
Dani’s eyes widened. “What?!”
“Yeah, I know. He didn’t say what pictures…but…anyway. I spoke to him, it’s all
ok with the team, I said we met up today, not before…so keep that in mind…and…”
Marc took another few breaths and finally let himself giggle. “That was HARD.
Seriously. All I kept thinking about was…you. Well, your penis.”
Dani smacked him lightly on the arm and smiled at him but was obviously not
quite ready to dismiss problem no.1. “Pictures. On twitter?” Not of my penis,
I’m guessing.
“Yeah. But he didn’t ask any…weird questions…”
“So I guess he either thinks it’s awkward to ask, or it’s just about normal
enough, because you’re not…well…”
“Exactly.” Marc put his phone back in his pocket and shrugged. “Can’t do
anything about it now…”
Dani sighed and tried to feel that rather than just repeat it. “True. Ok…let’s
go back. You’ve been ok? When I was inside?”
Marc smiled and looked up at him, about to make a comment about being quite
sweet to ask, maybe something sarcastic about not being a child, but the look
on the older rider’s face made him stop and his breath caught in his throat.
Have I ever seen anyone that worried before? He felt the effect on his own
worry, nodded slowly and noticed as Dani obviously tried to tone his concern
down, before checking they weren’t being observed and leaning in. Marc pressed
his lips gently against his and felt his chest somersault slightly as Dani’s
hand gently lifted his chin slightly as he pulled away, locking eyes with him.
“I’m positive. But I’m worried when I’m not…with you.” Although I don't know if
I can really help, even when I’m here.
Marc nodded and smiled at him gratefully. “I know.”
Dani turned the ignition on and wound his window down slightly, although it was
starting to go colder, and darker.
“Good.”
He could feel Marc still looking at him as they pulled out of the car park,
before the Moto2 rider put the radio on low and turned to look out the window,
again, hand reaching to give Dani’s leg a quick squeeze.
“What do you want to do for food tonight?"
Dani took a quick look back at him and shrugged, trying to let Marc make as
many decisions as he wanted to, and feeling another sudden hit of something
from the question. He tried to pretend that the empty, well lit road was
fascinating as his brain whirred. It’s because that question is the question of
someone who is used to asking it. Who is used to sharing a decision about
dinner. Who knows that they won’t be alone, and didn’t have to ask if, just
what. The question of someone who is committed to a shared reality. Someone who
cares to ask it, someone who thinks ahead and then thinks of the other person.
Someone who sees themself as a half, not a whole.
“I don’t mind. I could cook if you want?”
Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Or maybe I already cared so much that I
drove miles to knock on your door with no idea whether you’d answer or not. And
you did, and somehow, you were almostwaitingfor me. Not for someone, for me.
“Yeah ok. That would be nice.” Marc smiled at him again and Dani saw a flash of
something as he obviously caught the pensive expression on his face, before he
shrugged it off and held up his phone. “I realised I actually have all my music
on here. Can I Bluetooth?”
Dani nodded and a small, desperately stressed and affectionate laugh escaped
him. “You don’t have to ask things like that.”
Marc shrugged and smiled. “I don’t want to take control.”
I know. I know that. Dani watched him scroll through, trying to choose, trying
to figure out which buttons would make the stereo find his phone, eventually
jumping slightly as the car yelled ‘CONNECTED!' at him. He looked at Dani in
some sort of shocked, amused surrender and pressed play as they shared a laugh.
Admit it. The HRC rider looked out the window and caught Marc's reflection
slightly. You don't just care, it's much more than that.
***** Could Be Worse *****
Chapter Notes
     It's short, but it was post short or not post, so... ;)
Dani cooked pasta, focused in the kitchen. Peeling, chopping, adding,
seasoning, frying, simmering, tasting. Marc sat at the central island behind
him, concentrating on the screen of his laptop with odd breaks when he looked
up and blinked furiously, eyes refusing to obey all of the time. But it was
definitely a bit better. Once he realised Dani was about to be ready, he shut
the computer, walked over to the table and lit the candles. He hadn’t really
thought about it as a gesture, he’d just automatically connected dinner to
cooking, cooking to Dani and Dani to candlelight. The older rider turned round,
holding a wooden spoon up with sauce on to test, and his face lit up.
“Candles.”
“Candles.” Marc nodded as he walked over and scooped the spoon into his mouth,
immediately impressed. “Hmm. That is GOOD.” He wrapped his arms around the
other rider and smiled. “Here, try.” He pressed his lips against Dani’s and
swirled his tongue around his before pulling away and grinning at the weak-
kneed expression he’d created. “Good, right?”
Dani whimpered slightly and leant back against the kitchen unit. “Uh huh.” He
looked back at Marc and shook his head. “That was cruel.”
Marc grinned as he shrugged and took the offered plates and cutlery over to the
table. “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.”
“Sometimes maybe. But now I’ve got to pretend that the food is interesting,
when all I’m really thinking about is after the food.”
Marc nodded and smiled his thanks as Dani served him. “Are you in a rush?”
“Aren’t you?!”
Marc laughed and nodded. “Yeah.” He traced a line up the inside of the older
rider’s leg with his foot under the table. “But we have time…?”
Ah. “Sneaky.”
Marc looked at him innocently, almost pulling it off. “What?”
“The answer is I don’t know yet. Your family come back tomorrow, anyway. So I
don’t know if I’ll get the flight…”
“Ok.” Marc backed off and the idea of the house suddenly being hijacked again
made him stop eating and look back at Dani. “Tomorrow it’s over.”
“What?!”
“No! Don’t panic. I mean, this…weird few days. This little fantasy world where
we live alone somewhere, no one interferes…”
“Oh.” Dani looked at him in relief. “I guess it is.”
“Ok, let’s not think about that. BUT…it’s been the most amazing 3 days, ok?
Don’t…” Please please don’t leave. “I don’t know. It’ll happen again, right?”
“YES.” The HRC rider nodded. “And exactly, let’s just…enjoy tonight, and deal
with the rest tomorrow. Ok?”
“Ok.” Marc took a few more forkfuls and then stopped and downed tools. “It’s
really nice food…but…”
“Yeah, I’m done too.”
Marc grinned before putting the plate to one side and suddenly boosting himself
onto the top of the table, crawling over and leaning down to within a couple of
inches of Dani’s face. “Good.”
“You’re slightly crazy.”
“Got to enjoy the freedom when you have it.” He moved Dani’s plate aside and
raised his eyebrows. “Right?”
Dani nodded and got to his feet slowly, Marc shadowing the movement. “I said
crazy, I think I meant incredible.” Just say it. Just say…
Marc blushed slightly and wound his arms round Dani’s neck. “You’re more.”
“No.” Dani lifted him exactly as he had done the first night, feeling that by
now scarily familiar spark hit him again as Marc’s legs wound around him. “I’ll
argue this to the death.”
“Fine.” Marc kissed the end of his nose and smiled. “Then I surrender.”
Dani started walking them towards the stairs when Marc loosened his grip and
slid back down onto his feet.
“No. Freedom.” He pulled Dani towards the sofa and turned the main light down
slightly. “Let’s stay here.”
Dani nodded and mirrored Marc as he removed his t shirt.
Yeah, let’s just stay here.
*
Dani woke up first. There was daylight streaming in through the glass doors out
onto the garden, making him squint slightly into the winter sun, and he cast
his eyes around the room looking for the time, trying to not move his head too
much and wake Marc up, who was curled up around him in between Dani and the
back of the sofa.
10.30am.
Could be worse.
Marc sighed slightly and his breath tickled across Dani’s chest, making the
older rider squirm slightly, before his eyes opened slowly and he looked up at
Dani.
“Morning.”
“Morning.”
Marc yawned slightly before stretching his neck so he could reach a kiss. “What
time is it?”
“10.30.”
“Ah.” He sounded pleasantly surprised. “Not too bad.” They stared at each other
for a few peaceful seconds before both cocking their heads towards the front
door.
What is that?
Marc looked back at Dani and frowned. “You hear that?”
The HRC rider nodded and they both looked back towards the hall as the sudden
realisation hit them both simultaneously.
It’s somebody coming in.
Before either could react, there was a shouted ‘Hello! We’re home!’ and the two
riders looked at each other in panic, completely frozen.
“Oh my God.” Marc tried to sit up slightly as Dani saw the shadow of
approaching figures appear on the wall in the hall. “Fuck fuck fuck.”
It’s too late. There is absolutely nothing we can do about it.
Marc seemed to realise the same thing, pulling the blanket further up so
everything below the chest was covered, and settling back next to Dani,
whispering in his ear. “Ok just close your eyes, and let’s see what happens
when they ‘wake us up’.”
They shared one last look, and if the situation had been slightly different, it
would have been funny. It was a moment that Marc imagined soldiers shared
before a battle in which the odds of winning were non-existent: knowing,
nervous and terrified. But also fired up and ready.
“Marc? Are you home, h-”
The voice, his mother’s voice Dani imagined, was cut off abruptly as they
obviously came into view. There was the sound of something hitting the floor,
and they both opened their eyes in unison, realising that it would definitely
have been loud enough to have woken them up, making a good show of it.
“Is he here?”
His dad’s voice now, approaching from the now. Roser was still frozen in the
doorway and, Dani realised, was locked in shocked eye contact with her son.
Julia appeared next to her, mouth dropping open. Marc’s hand suddenly squeezed
Dani’s under the blanket, and he sat up slightly, sharing a quick glance with
the older rider before turning back to his parents, panic worn off slightly.
“Morning. You’re early?”
Dani cringed, and neither of them had an answer. Marc tried again.
“Alex isn’t with you, is he?”
His dad at least managed to shake his head in response to that.
“Good.”
Marc looked back at Dani and shot him an infinitesimal shrug before turning
once more.
“Give us a couple of minutes? We’re naked.”
Dani groaned inwardly and jumped slightly as the door was slammed shut, leaving
them alone again. “Why did you say that?”
“They were shocked, ok...yeah. I would be.” Marc got to his feet and stretched
his arms to the ceiling, giving Dani a full view of every muscle responding to
the movement and putting him in a momentary trance, before the Moto2 rider
continued with his reasoning. “But they weren’t just surprised. They
looked…horrified.”
He turned back around and offered a hand to pull Dani off the sofa, which was
accepted.
“And that’s not ok.”
***** Explanations *****
Chapter Notes
     So correct me if I'm wrong but I've failed at simple maths? If Dani
     is 28 now with a September birthday, then he was 26 at the end of
     2011. And Marc just turned 21, which means that at the end of 2011 he
     was 18.
     HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! Anyway, I have the power to switch reality, so
     Marc is 17 in the story still. Sorry!!!
Dani pulled on his clothes from around the room and sat on the edge of the
sofa. The whole situation for him seemed even stranger because he didn’t really
know them, but they knew him, or of him. To them, he wasn’t a random person, he
was ‘Dani Pedrosa’ and anything that already meant in their heads. Marc took
his time getting dressed, and even turned the coffee machine on, seemingly
intent on the plan of action: no surrender. Not only no surrender, but actually
take down the enemy. And once the initial ‘oh, fuck’ moment had passed, Dani
could see why. Marc hadn’t really done anything wrong. He could sleep with who
he wanted. Although when I say sleep with, obviously I mean…this. The house was
tidy, once their clothes were back on. Nothing was damaged, the ‘kid’ hadn’t
ruined anything or gone crazy. Granted, there was alcohol that would not be
accounted for. But the only reasons Dani could see for the reaction were: a)
they were angry because they still saw themselves as in charge of Marc, and
they thought him and Dani/him and anyone else naked on the sofa wasn’t
appropriate, b) it was because it was someone older, or option c) the fact it
was a man. Dani thought it may be a combination of all 3, none of which he
thought were correct or wise to let Marc know about, and in the intervening
couple of minutes, he’d started to get more and more angry about how they’d
actually left Marc in the first place – ok, he obviously wanted it to happen,
and had manipulated the situation. But it should have been obvious. It was
obvious. The one thing he needed was exactly what you didn’t do.
“Are you ok?” Dani snapped back out of his thoughts and turned to the strangely
calm 17 year old making coffee, to no response. “Marc? Are you ok?”
He turned back and shrugged slightly. “Not sure yet. We’ll see. Are you ok? Do
you want to go?”
“No, I don’t want to go.” Dani frowned at him. “Unless you want me to go?”
“No!” A flash of the previously well-hidden panic returned. “Of course I don’t
want you to go. Did you think I would?!”
Dani sighed and held up his hands in a gesture of peace, getting off the sofa
and walking around to the younger rider. “No. Ok, listen.” He grabbed the cups
from Marc’s hands and put them down on the side, taking his hands in his and
making sure he had his full attention. “No matter what happens in the next few
minutes, do not even dare to start doubting why I’m here or if I’ll just run
off, ok?”
Marc stared at him and Dani watched the flash of worry in his eyes change into
that focus that so often this year had been his trademark in pole position,
staring down at the lights. “Ok. Sorry.” His voice was softer and calmer. “Ok,
it’s getting a bit rude now, isn’t it? I’ll call them back in.”
Dani nodded and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Ok.” He then pulled away and
made sure he was standing a couple of paces away by the time Marc had opened
the door and ushered them inside. This is going one way or the other: either
Marc is to blame, or I am. And if I am, we’re about to hear a new perspective
on our age gap.
Roser and Julia stood side by side just inside the door, and as he’d feared,
they stared at Dani. Roser talked to Marc, but they both kept staring at Dani.
“Ok, what’s going on?” The pantomime horror had gone, and the mood in its place
was now calm but pointedly aggressive.
Marc tried to ignore the tone and shrugged slightly. “You saw. We fell asleep
on the sofa last night.”
“Right. You’d better explain yourself, Marc.” They were looking at Dani as
though murder had been legalised, and Marc was still valiantly ignoring it.
"We?"
“Yeah, we. What do I have to explain? You recognise him?”
“Yes, obviously we recognise him. Why were you both asleep, naked, on the sofa?
That’s what you have to explain. Explain to me what the hell you think you’re
doing.”
Looks like it is a combination of my 3 reasons. The main problem being that
they think they actually get a say in the decision somehow. And after that,
Dani knew the response was coming. He saw Marc’s fingers twitch in irritation,
and he even felt himself react to the condescending, judgmental tone of the
question. And if he reacted, Marc definitely would. And he did.
“Because just before that, we cooked a meal, and then we had sex. It was
fantastic.”
Knowing it was coming and hearing it actually said were two different things,
and Dani felt his face suddenly catch fire. Here we go… He braced himself for
fireworks, but they held off a little while as the flabbergast needed longer to
sink in. Julia started to turn purple.
“WHAT?!”
Marc stared them down and gave them a small smile. Mostly bravado, but
convincing enough. “Yes. We had sex, on the sofa. And…on the rug.” He turned to
Dani as if trying to wrack his memory, before facing them again and managing a
smile. “And for the last 3 days we’ve had lots of sex in my bedroom. Would you
like to know how much I enjoyed it?”
The two of them looked at each other, both incandescently angry and different
shades of unnatural, and then turned back to their son. “Right. You.” Roser
pointed at Dani and glared. “Get out of my house. Marc, sit down and we’ll talk
about this.”
“Don’t talk to him like that.”
Roser’s eyes widened as she looked back at her son. “Excuse me?”
“I said, don’t talk to him like that.”
“I’ll talk to him how I want to.”
“Ok, how about this: I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t speak to my
boyfriend so disrespectfully.”
Dani’s heart did a little dance at the cheek delivered so politely. And another
one as he heard and got his head around the word ‘boyfriend.’ It sounds so
strangely immature to describe this. But then ‘lover’ sounds like a 19th
century novel, and ‘partner’ sounds too business-like.
“BOYFRIEND?”
Marc nodded and shrugged. “I’m gay. Which I have tried to tell you before, but
you didn’t seem to want to know. This is Dani. He is a MotoGP rider. But also
my boyfriend.”
“Wha…How old are you?”
Dani felt the spotlight shine on him. “26.”
“Then you should know better.”
Dani raised his eyebrows and hit ‘ignore’. “I know that I care about your son,
and that we are perfectly happy as we are.”
“Well you can forget it. You know he’s not well? I bet you just saw your chance
to pounce on him, didn’t you?!”
“No. I saw my chance to help, and I found out that Marc felt the same way about
me as I do about him.”
“And you think he knows what he’s doing? Honestly?”
“Yes.”
The sudden silence after the ever increasing volume sounded even louder. There
was another split second stand-off before Roser spoke again, this time to Marc.
“Look, you’re obviously just confused. Now, we need to talk about this as a
family.”
“No." He stood his ground and shrugged. "What can I say? I’m sorry we were
naked. But I’m gay. What do you want me to do about it?”
Julia suddenly took over. “You’re not gay. You’re confused. Listen to your
mother.”
Marc actually laughed, which didn’t help. “I AM gay. I’ve known I was gay
since…” He looked up at them questioningly. “Do you want to know?”
No answer.
“Fine. I’ve known I was gay for sure since last year. After qualifying at
Montmeló, I slept with Pol Espargaró.”
Dani coughed involuntarily and stared at Marc, wide eyed. WHAT?! The younger
rider turned and looked at him self-consciously. “Sorry, it didn’t really come
up before…”
Dani shook his head in a ‘ok, don’t worry’ gesture before sighing, rubbing his
hands over his face and trying to dissipate the atmosphere, and erase that
image. “Ok this is going nowhere.” It felt good to get his voice back. You may
be his parents, but you’re not my parents. “He’s gay, ok? You can’t do much
about that. Now I realise that this isn’t the best way to find out, but it
could be worse-“
“This is nothing to do with you.”
“Actually, it is.” Oh, fuck it. Just say it. “I care about him. A lot. I’m not
here because he’s a world champion, or because he will be world champion again.
I’m not here because he might make money and buy things for me. I’m not here
because of how he looks. I’m here because I care about Marc, the person. And
maybe for you, that’s a child, but you’re being blind. He’s not a kid. And
however much you want to control him, you won’t. You won’t do it, and I don’t
know why you’re trying. He’s grown up, he’s gay, and he can’t change either of
those things. Yes, I’m 26. Maybe that seems like an age gap. But if we were 40,
it would be nothing. So don’t talk to me like I’ve done anything wrong, and
don’t try and make me into something I’m not. I came here because Marc didn’t
show up to a filming event the other day.” He turned to Marc and raised his
eyebrows to check he could tell them everything, and got a smile in return from
a very emotional face. “He didn’t show up. So I went and asked Santi ‘Where’s
Marc?’. Normally he probably wouldn’t have explained, but he looked worried. So
he said he was meant to come, and then not turned up. So Santi came up here and
tried to find out what the problem was. And Marc had drunk a pack of beers and
most of a bottle of vodka the day before, and passed out on the sofa. Do you
know why?”
The two of them suddenly looked a lot more sheepish and Dani noticed Marc
slowly gravitating towards him across the floor. I think I might be winning..
“Because he’s not ok. And I don’t mean, he’s getting better, all on the way to
being fine and there’s a timetable and you just have to be patient, I mean it
got worse. It had got worse. So your son was sat here in your house drinking
because he thought he’d never ride a bike again. Anyway, Santi argued with him,
and Marc threw him out, apparently. So I drove up from the coast because I
thought I might be able to help.” He realised how it had taken some sort of
strangely arrogant turn and tried to explain himself. “What I’m saying is, I
came here to help and nothing else. I cared enough to drive up here thinking
I’d probably get thrown out. And I don’t think that’s particularly special, if
you care about someone. It seems like it might be a grand gesture because of
how much he needed it, and because he didn’t know that I cared. But he’s
supposed to know that you care. He’s supposed to know that every day. And all
you seem to care about right now is whether you’re personally happy with
decisions he’s made. So it has a lot to do with me.”
At some point in the second half, Marc had reached Dani and threaded his
fingers through his, just quietly separating the space into ‘us’ and ‘them’.
Roser and Julia both stared at Dani in shock, but definitely seemed much less
angry. And much more upset.
“M-Marc…is this true?”
“Yeah.”
“I-I’m sorry, we didn’t know.”
Dani clenched his teeth and gave Marc’s hand a squeeze. When you don’t know,
that just means you have to find out.
“It’s ok. I’m getting better again, now.” He sounded like he was answering
because it was a good idea, and because it would calm everybody down, rather
than because he was happy about it.
“What happened? Did something happen?”
“Just stars. Again. When I took the eye patch off a few days ago. I almost fell
down the stairs, and I panicked. But it’s been better since…well, since Dani
arrived. There was one moment earlier that was quite bad when we were in the
car, but it’s rarer than it was.”
“I’m sorry.” Roser took a couple of faltering steps forward, intending to give
Marc a hug. Marc shook his head ever so slightly.
It’s not that easy. “Right…” He looked deflated, and hurt, and more than
anything just tired of the situation. “We’re going to go and get some breakfast
now, ok?” He grabbed his wallet off the table and pulled Dani behind him
slightly, pointedly carving a path in between his parents on his way to the
door. “See you later.”
*
Once the door was closed behind them, Marc leant back on it and stared at the
sky for a few seconds, letting out a long, slow breath. “Thank you.”
“What for?”
“That was a long speech. And you said everything I wanted to say. Except that I
do think it was a grand gesture, driving up here.”
Dani felt himself start to blush slightly. “No. I meant it. I don’t know about
you, but I think if you care about someone, most things are worth doing, to
help. Driving an hour isn’t-“
“It’s not about the time, though is it? Exactly what you said in there. You
were there when…well. You’re still here!” Marc smiled at him before closing his
eyes briefly and then looking back at him. “Don’t try and change it from the
single best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just take it.”
Dani grabbed Marc’s hand to pull him closer and away from the door. “Ok. I’ll
take it.”
“Good. That’s why I lo…” Marc stopped mid-sentence and froze.
WHAT. Dani tried to keep his face neutral as he waited. WHAT WERE YOU ABOUT TO
SAY.
A few seconds of silence descended, leaving them both staring, wide-eyed,
pretty sure of what he was about to say but neither wanting to take the risk,
before Marc suddenly snapped out of it and shrugged.
“Breakfast? Yeah?” He smiled too superficially and put his wallet in his
pocket. “There’s a nice place I know with really good coffee, and they have…”
Dani nodded mutely and let himself blindly follow, unable to really comprehend
anything the younger rider was still explaining, just focusing on what he was
sure Marc was going to say. But not sure enough to let himself feel the relief
and bliss of having actually heard the words finished. Just enough to make his
feet feel like concrete and send his brain into what he imagined was a good
impression of what kept happening to Marc.
I would have replied.
***** Beautiful Liar II *****
Marc had been chattering inanely over breakfast for the first 20 minutes.
Finally, he seemed to run out of steam and allowed Dani to say something.
“I wanted to ask you something.”
Marc looked up, mixture of fear and hope. “Ok?”
“Your parents.” The hope vanished. “Is it because of your age, because of the
difference in age, or because you’re gay?”
Marc lowered his eyes to his coffee as he took a sip, and shrugged. “All 3.”
“But…ok. What I’m asking is this: are they homophobic? Is this a problem that
will last forever? I know you probably don’t want to think about it right now,
but…is it a shock, or is it a ‘moral’ opinion?”
Marc shrugged again before finding some sort of energy in the post-argument
apathy. “I don’t know.” He sighed as he looked back up and locked eyes with
Dani. “I think it’s a shock. I just think they never considered it before, and
their…generation isn’t used to things like this. I think it will be ok. Like I
said, I tried to tell them before so I obviously thought it was a good idea
then…or at least, worth it.”
Dani nodded, frowning, and sucked the last bit of his vanilla milkshake through
the straw, conscious of the irony amongst all the talk of maturity and age gap,
feeling himself look around slightly self-consciously as the hoover noise
seemed to boom out of the glass. He looked back at Marc to see him staring,
bemused but also slightly adoring, and realised what he must look like with his
lips pursed around the straw, eyes widened. He dropped the straw out his mouth
and shrugged. “I like milkshakes.”
Marc laughed softly to himself and took another elegantly ironic sip of his
cappuccino. “I can see that.”
Dani put the glass to one side and sighed. Come on, clock’s ticking.“Ok. Back
on topic, because something has to be sorted before I decide what I’m doing,
ok?”
Marc nodded dejectedly again and wrapped his hands fully around the cup,
despite the fact that the café was more than warm enough inside to avoid cold
hands. “Ok.”
“Right. So they’re shocked. To be expected I guess. Did I push too far with
what I said?”
Marc immediately shook his head. “No. You weren’t mean. You just …told the
truth. They won’t like it but the message will have been understood.”
“Ok. Good. Now…” Dani was about to broach the final thing he wanted to talk
about before going back when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. Not
great timing. He pulled it out and looked at the screen, knowing who it would
be and why, but wanting to check. Alzamora flashed at him on the screen. He
looked up at Marc and quickly studied his face to see if he’d seen the screen:
no. “Ok I need to take this, ok?” He got to his feet and answered, hoping
Emilio would understand why he was about to say what he said. “Alberto, hi.
Just give me a minute.” He moved the phone away from his face and looked down
at Marc, who had the exact expression on his face that Dani had imagined:
asking it’s not a big problem but why are you suddenly wanting this call to be
private? Dani motioned at the phone and tried to ignore it. “I’ll be back in a
couple of minutes, ok?”
Marc nodded, trying to hide it as best he could, watching as Dani let himself
out onto the street and disappeared from the view of the window.
*
“Hi, Emilio. Sorry about that…you can imagine why…”
“You were with Marc.”
“Exactly.” Dani leant on the wall and looked left and right to check he wasn’t
being overheard or observed; all clear. “So, what’s going on?”
“Well. Santi called the doctor yesterday and got a brief run through of
everything. This morning, they sent over copies of all the notes and I
forwarded them to Dr Costa.” He took an intake of breath and Dani felt his
heart sink slightly. “It was all fine, going how it should be for the first
couple of weeks. But first of all, Costa said he would have run the scans every
week since it happened, to keep the picture updated.”
Dani frowned and nodded to himself. You’re assuming I even know what scans,
when and why. “Ok…”
“He didn’t say it was a mistake or a big problem, he just seemed a bit
surprised by that. And he was even more surprised that nothing had happened in
terms of getting Marc checked out again after what’s happened in the last few
days. He said if it was still happening, he would want to know why, and try and
find out straightaway. And…I wondered why Marc hadn’t been called back about
it, but then I realised he hasn’t told anyone. Just you, me, Santi...”
“And his parents. He just told them.” Yes, we’re in Cervera. I’m at the ‘family
home’. For the second day in a row. Yes, because I stayed over. His brain
distracted him momentarily from the medical situation before it sunk in and he
took a deep breath. “But Marc never told the doctor.”
“Exactly. I don’t understand it.”
“He’s terrified. He’s just terrified and he knows it’s not a good idea, but
he’s just trying to buy himself a few days before he has to start dealing with
it again, I think.”
“Right. But…he’s not usually like this. And he was drinking?! I don’t know.
That’s not the same person.”
Dani shrugged to himself. “It is. Like I said, he’s terrified. What he knows is
racing. And when you confront him with the idea of that suddenly disappearing,
it’s like he doesn’t know what to do anymore. He hasn’t got a strategy that
doesn’t start from a grid position. Off the track, he’s never really had to
deal with anything else. All the normal things that you have to deal with…”
Like the situation we’re in the middle of here.
“I understand that, I just…why didn’t he just come to us and say this? We would
have helped.”
Dani felt a pang of weariness hit him again. Why is it so hard to understand.
He was trying to run away, so everyone else had to catch him. He was never
going to walk in and say it. “Because he wanted to ignore it. It doesn’t seem
to make sense in a way, I know, but that’s it.”
“And I’m talking to you because he still wants to ignore it, I guess.”
Dani shook his head and gritted his teeth slightly at the tone. Why does it
only make sense to me? “No, not really. We’ve not talked about it much. Have to
take it one step at a time. You’re talking to me because I realise that waiting
isn’t the best idea medically, so I thought if I could get a bit of a head
start, understand what’s happening, what to do if it does happen again…I think
that will help. And he shouldn’t have to deal with it on his own. If he can’t
face everything at once, then it has to be broken down and dealt with like
that.” He doesn’t need to know if that’s going to make it worse.
“Ok. That makes sense.” Emilio sighed and seemed to be deciding what to say
next, and Dani started to expect what was coming. “Marc never really talked
about you being friends, before.”
Here we go… “Oh?”
“I just wondered, is it a new thing?”
“No, not really.” Dani tried to keep his voice nonchalant as much as was
possible. “We’ve been friends for a while. He’s grown up now, anyway, and
he’s…” Spectacular. “…nice.”
“Right. Ok, I need to go soon. Do you want me to email these notes to you?”
Dani felt himself caught between accepting the slight betrayal, along with
evidence of that, and being completely honest. Because you were honest when you
locked yourself in the toilet and lied to his face and told him it was fine.
“Yes. Please.”
“Ok, done. Try and…I don’t know. He needs to go back and see them. Look at the
note on the bottom of page 4.”
Right. “Ok, I will. Thanks.”
Dani cancelled the call and looked at his phone for a few seconds before
deleting the call log and refreshing his emails. The new one popped up
immediately and he opened the attachments to have a quick look, scrolling
straightaway to the bottom of page 4 and reading the bold print.
IF SYMPTOMS PERSIST AFTER 28 DAYS, PLEASE RETURN TO THE CLINIC AS SOON AS
POSSIBLE.
Dani felt panic hit him slightly as he counted the days since Sepang. A lot
more than 28.
***** Kampfbereit *****
Chapter Notes
     Short, I know. But it was a natural split :)
Taking a few deep breaths, he realised the problem. Or, the few problems. He
had never been in love before. He had thought he had been, and he’d got close,
he realised, but nothing like this. And it was the greatest feeling in the
world, like winning a championship every minute, but only when there was
nothing to worry about, when it was just him and Marc in private; no one
watching, no injuries, no recovery, nothing except the two of them. But when
all those things…not ‘came back’, because they never really went away, but when
all those things were the focus of the moment, in those moments, he almost felt
like he couldn’t even manage to process everything. There was too much worry,
paranoia, thinking about the future, imagining good consequences and bad
consequences, imagining Marc crashing, knowing that he would. As soon as he was
back on the grid, he would start crashing again, because everybody did. It was
a part of racing, and he’d always known the consequences and accepted them, but
never considered how it felt on the other side of the fence: the side where it
wasn’t you, it was someone you loved. And the feeling that hit him every time
he realised he could do absolutely nothing to control the situation was the
same feeling he’d had when he’d locked himself in the bathroom in Molins de
Rei: desperation. And it was worse, in a selfish way, because he couldn’t let
it out. He couldn’t explain it to the Moto2 rider, just like he couldn’t show
how worried he was right now. He’d realised that when he’d automatically walked
away from him at the service station. He knew that then and there, he should
have recognised how he felt and what words he should use to explain it. Because
his default setting had already been ‘put him first’. If something happened to
him that was unrelated to Marc, something in his family or friends, anything at
all that upset him, he wasn’t the type to lock himself away, at least not from
him. He would happily burst into floods of tears and not care at all, because
he knew Marc would help. He had chosen instead to keep it hidden, because he
knew that it was too much for the younger rider to deal with. It was something
he had to try and deal with alone, at least for the time being, because he had
to keep Marc afloat. And he wasn’t doing a great job of it, sat on the edge of
the pavement in a strangely, nostalgically familiar Catalan town, biting his
fist slightly to try and keep himself in control, wondering what on Earth the
caption would be on any pictures that got tweeted of this. Hugging was one
thing; they weren’t British. It was understandable to an extent. But Dani knew
that this time, he looked ridiculously desolate and unexplainable. And where he
was wasn’t a good red herring as to why.
He pulled himself to his feet and took another deep breath, knowing he had to
go back in before Marc started to worry or wonder or get upset at this new,
strange secrecy.
I hope you know it’s not because I’m taking control from you, it’s because at
some point you gave it to me. And more than that, I hope you know that it’s not
because I think I know better.
He walked back in and grinned as he sat down again and found a reasonably
impatient Moto2 rider staring at him.
And speaking of knowing better, we should probably go and face the situation.
Marc smiled back at his grin, still slightly puzzled, and got to his feet.
“Right. Kampfbereit?”
Dani shrugged and looked at him questioningly. “What?”
“Kampfbereit. It means ‘ready for battle’. I started saying it to Bradl after
Misano, to rattle him on the grid.” Marc smiled wickedly and pocketed his
wallet. “He hated it.”
Dani suddenly felt the dam burst slightly and laughed, releasing some of the
pressure. “Right, of course you did. When you get to MotoGP, you’re not going
to try that with me, are you?”
Marc shrugged and grinned again. “That depends. Will you respond to other forms
of punishment?”
Dani’s eyes widened above a smile as he instinctively looked around to check no
one was listening. “I guess you’ll have to find out.”
“Oh, I WILL.” Marc leaned in slightly and stared him down, before laughing as
Dani caved first and turned to the door, holding it open for the younger rider.
“1-0.”
“You have to tell me we’ve started to start scoring.”
“And this, from Pedrosa?! The demon starter? Always first into turn 1?!”
“Exactly. Level the playing field and you’re going down.” Marc turned again,
lips already open to say it, before Dani shook his head at him. “Don’t cheapen
yourself. It’s too obvious.”
Marc huffed good-naturedly and automatically pulled his key out as they reached
the door of his house, the atmosphere having convinced them for a few seconds
that they were still there alone. “Oh. Right." He put it back in his pokcet and
turned. "Ready?”
Dani nodded and watched as Marc stared at him for a couple of seconds,
wondering what he was wondering.
Marc had just caught on to something that hadn’t hit him at first. I didn’t
even doubt when you said ‘when you get to MotoGP.’ And even more than that, you
assumed I would. And even more than THAT, you assumed we’d still be together. I
didn’t even notice, and neither did you.
Maybe I should have finished what I started saying earlier.
“Ok…just say yes or no. Are you going to catch that flight tonight?”
Dani thought about it for a minute and shook his head. “Not tonight.” Because
tomorrow we’re driving down to Barcelona and going to see the doctor.
“Ok.” Marc grinned at him and risked a quick kiss. “Now, KAMPFBEREIT.”
***** Como una flecha en mi arco *****
Chapter Notes
     Poor Marc with his leg!! :( crazy! Really nice to see Dani and
     Jorge's reactions (and Cal's little bitch fit). And yes, I believe
     them, because that's why I love 'em.
     Waiting on Valentino... ;) :(
“We’re back…” Marc called out and listened nervously for a response before
giving up and heading into the kitchen, Dani right behind him. Roser and Julià
were sat side by side at the table, like they’d been sat side by side at the
table for some time, waiting for Marc and Dani to come back.
“Did you have a good breakfast?”
Marc nodded and took the hint to sit opposite them, Dani pulling out a chair
next to him and on the verge of sitting down before he was suddenly spoken to
as well.
“Did you have a milkshake?”
Dani stared and Julià started to smile. “Jerez. Must be 13 or 14 years ago. You
were racing and I took Marc to watch. I think you won. But anyway, you were in
the pits and I had a pass, I can’t remember why. But you got back from the
podium and Alberto Puig handed you a huge vanilla milkshake.”
Dani actually found himself smiling, and the older man smiled back. “I did,
yeah.”
Marc laughed and made eye contact with his mother in one of those moments when
you’re both affectionately laughing at someone you love, a moment that suddenly
seemed to hit both of his parents as his dad caught on to what had happened. He
really cares about him. And he’s actually grown up. Julià felt himself suddenly
feel the desperate need to grab him into a hug and not let go, before realising
that the letting go was just as important in itself. But much harder.
“Are you serious about everything you said?”
Marc looked back at him and nodded. “Yes.”
“Ok, well…I’m sorry. For how I reacted. For how WE reacted. It was a shock.”
Marc nodded smiled at him, weakly but sincerely. “I understand.”
“And, Dani. I’m sorry for what I said to you.” Roser looked at the older rider
and smiled, but nothing like Julià had managed. Begrudgingly, almost.
“That’s ok. I understand.”
“I’m sure you do.”
She looked at him in a way that made Dani suddenly uncomfortable, as though it
was some sort of changing of the guard and Dani was the new gatekeeper of her
son. He frowned at her slightly and smiled it away. That’s not what this is.
“Ok…Marc. Can you go through everything that’s happened since we left, please?
Honestly.”
Dani saw the quick flash of smirk as Marc obviously considered giving them a
different kind of detail to what they’d wanted, and smiled to himself as he
watched the younger rider hide it but quickly cast his eyes Dani’s way. Yeah, I
saw that.
“Dani said everything that happened.”
“What happened in the car? Where did you go?”
“We went to Castelldefels to fetch Dani’s stuff from his hotel.” He rolled his
eyes slightly at the immediate question on both his parents’ faces. “He drove.
And I just got a dizzy spell. It was bad, but it passed. And…I don’t think it’s
happened since, right?” He turned to Dani and got a confirming nod of the head.
“That’s it really, that’s important. Now, I need to ask you…are you comfortable
with Dani staying here tonight?”
There was a long pause and Dani could instantly tell what the answer would be.
I’m sorry, but… Marc seemed to realise the same thing and sat back and sighed.
But you asked the right question. You asked ‘are you comfortable’ not ‘can he’.
Julià looked at his wife and seemed to be about to say ‘yes, of course’, when
she shook her head at him and looked back at Marc apologetically.
“I’m sorry, but not yet. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Julià sighed to himself and ran his hands through his hair. “We talked about
this. It’s not up to us anymore. If he wants Dani to stay, he should decide
that for himself.”
“It’s not that easy.” Roser turned to stare at him as Julià looked at Dani
apologetically.
“It has to be that easy. You don’t have a choice. He’s gay.”
Dani could feel the irritation start to build slightly again, tapping his
fingers against his thigh under the table. You almost had it…one of you still
has it…
“Ok.” Marc shrugged helplessly and Dani saw a tiny, almost unnoticeable wobble
of the lip and he tried to think of what to say. “I thought you might say
that.”
“It’s just, you obviously need someone to be with you. And we’re here now. So I
don’t see why-”
“I know.” Marc got to his feet and nodded at her, defeated. “I know you don’t
see why. So we’ll go.”
Roser had realised it was about to backfire just before Marc said it. “No, come
on. Just see Dani tomorrow.”
Dani looked up at Marc and raised his eyebrows, which made Marc shake his head
immediately. “No.”
Julià looked between them before turning back to his wife. “This is silly.”
Dani caught his eye and they shared that same moment that Marc and his mother
had a few minutes before, but for a different reason, before Julià spoke again.
“Come on, what’s the problem? What can we do? He’s gay. He’s with somebody that
obviously cares about him. Why is it a problem?” He didn’t wait for a response
before he turned back to Marc and carried on. “Just sit down, and we’ll sort it
out.” Marc smiled at him, and Dani could imagine what expression must have been
on his face, because his dad suddenly looked at him so differently, as though
they’d had an entire silent conversation and he’d not been able to help, and
hated it. “Please, sit down.”
It was starting to sink in for Roser that he was being serious, and Dani could
see the panic start to seep in. “Ok.” She sighed. “Dani can stay.”
Marc shook his head and looked back at his mother. “No, it’s too late now. I’m
not trying to be dramatic. But…I asked if you were comfortable with it. And if
you’re both not... you’ve not suddenly changed your mind. So don’t…just…” He
looked back at his dad and shrugged. “That’s the decision made.”
“You don’t have to go. I said, Dani can stay.”
“Yeah, I do. Because I really don’t need this. I need to…well. Dani’s probably
not going to be here much longer, and I’m not wasting time because of this. And
I wasn’t asking for permission.”
He looked down at Dani as the older rider started to get up.
“I’m going to pack some stuff. Coming?”
Dani nodded at him and looked briefly back at Marc’s parents as they walked
back towards the stairs, one of them full of panic, the other calmly, sadly
resigned.
“Did I make a mistake?”
Dani paused on the stairs, out of sight, and checked Marc was gone and out of
ear shot, waiting to hear what Julià would reply to her.
“Yes. You’ve made a huge fucking mistake.”
“What was I supposed to say?! I don’t think it’s ok!”
“What do you THINK?! You think this is what he needs right now? He needs
everyone to stop adding to the pile of stuff he’s already carrying. And if Dani
helps him, it shouldn’t matter what you think. Did you not think he would
leave?!”
“No. I didn’t.” Her voice was softer, and Julia’s tone changed to the opposite.
“We’ve got to step back. It’s not going to make anything better now trying to
make a scene. Just…let him go, and respect how he made the decision.”
“Don’t talk to me like that.”
“I’m sorry.” His voice lowered and Dani heard clothes rustle as he realised
he’d put his arms around her. “I know it’s a shock. And with a MotoGP rider.
That milkshake story, Marc had only just started to ride, and Dani was already
winning races, nationally. That’s crazy. I understand. But we can’t do anything
about it. And seeing them together, I don’t think I want to do anything about
it.”
“I’m sorry.” She sniffled and Dani took that as his cue to finally follow Marc
up the stairs, struggling to process everything at once.
“Ok.” Marc held up a bag as if waiting for it to be inspected. “Ok?”
“Yeah. Where are we going to go?”
“I don’t know, but it’s a good idea. She has to see that I’m serious.”
“I understand.” Dani smiled into Marc’s shoulder as the younger rider wrapped
him in a hug. “I’m not complaining.”
Marc pulled away and smiled, the same face as the smile he managed from the
floor of the car park. Lots of intent; not pulling it off very well. “Good.
Right…”
Dani nodded at him and picked up his own bag. “Right. And, you have to promise
me something.”
“Anything.”
“I guess we’re going back towards Barcelona?”
Marc nodded, having obviously felt the same gravitational pull of going back to
the coast. “Yeah…”
“Right, so tomorrow, we’re going to go back to the clinic and ask questions.
Ok?”
Marc’s face fell. “Tomorrow?”
“You promised me anything.”
The Moto2 rider nodded in defeat and pulled Dani back towards him. “Ok.
Tomorrow.”
***** Smash Into You *****
Chapter Notes
     Fluffy, so fluffy. Or maybe I'm just naturally not fluffy enough so
     it seems that way to me?! Anyway, SORRY it's been a while by the
     standards set by the first 13 chapters ;) I've been ill and busy at
     the same time. But normal service should be resumed.
     Title is a Beyonce song that got me through it ;)
     Thank you for reading, as always. Comments, questions, suggestions,
     criticisms always welcome. <3
The goodbye hadn’t been as brutal as it could have been, Julià evidently having
had an effect on Marc’s mother. They were already sat in the car, Dani about to
turn the ignition on, when he suddenly realised something.
“Alberto has a house in Sitges.”
Marc looked at him and frowned questioningly. “That’s nice for him?”
“No, I mean…he’s not in it at the moment. And there’s a key under the 4th stone
on the left outside the back door.”
“Oh!” Marc nodded, smiled and shrugged in quick succession. “Would he be ok
with that?”
Dani shrugged and smiled. “I will see.” He pulled out his phone and made the
call, conscious to try and make it sound like he’d already spoken to him
earlier the same day, conscious that the truth was more than a week. Marc
watched as the conversation was a little bit awkward, followed by more
positive, followed by a beaming smile and a ‘thank you.’
“Yeah, he says its fine. I think he thinks I didn’t want to pay for a hotel.”
Marc laughed slightly and shook his head. “Is that not a little bit true?”
Dani pouted at him slightly and shook his head. “No. I just can’t be bothered
with the whole ruse. Either we have to have a twin room, which would be
annoying and still slightly weird, or we have to get 2 rooms, and have to make
one seem like we actually used it…and sneak into one…”
“True.” Marc yawned slightly and snuggled down into the seat as Dani started
the engine and they rolled slowly down the driveway. “So…nice house?”
Dani nodded. “Pool…”
“Ooh!” Marc grinned and raised his eyebrows. “Heated?”
Dani nodded and felt the weight of the day start to lift as Marc’s face lit up.
It was going to be getting dark by the time they arrived, and the idea of
moonlight, and Marc, and a warm outdoor pool at a villa in Sitges sounded like
the perfect end to a shit day. “Heated.”
Marc pushed the power button on the stereo to turn the radio on and Dani smiled
to himself as he looked down at the clock and took note. Almost 3 minutes with
no background noise. A new record.
“I was going to say I didn’t have anything to wear but I guess that’s not a
problem…”
Dani smiled and looked back at him. “I hope it’s not a problem.”
“It’s not a problem.”
“Only for the neighbours.”
Marc laughed wickedly and nodded. “Exactly.” He turned and studied Dani for a
few seconds, which the Sabadell native felt and tried to ignore, before turning
and staring out the window at the low sun slowly making its retreat. “Do you
sometimes just suddenly realise what we’re doing?”
Dani took a quick look at him and frowned to himself. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…4 or 5 days ago I’d started a new career as an alcoholic and the last
person I slept with was Pol Espargaró.”
“Yeah, we need to talk about that.” Dani raised his eyebrows at him
questioningly and felt a mixture of guilt and satisfaction at his tone.
“Later.”
Marc smiled sideways at him and shrugged. “Jealous?”
“Yes.”
Marc laughed and nodded as if admitting defeat. “Ok. Anyway. A few days ago, I
was lying on my sofa curled up around a cushion and…well. Ok. I’ve always
looked at you differently. You were always in my brain. When I was younger, I
always watched you celebrate and all I thought about was wanting to share the
moment with you, but…maybe not in the way you’d expect. I always imagined
coming over to your garage and congratulating you, giving you a hug. Watching
Valentino win was different. I just felt like I wanted to buy him a beer….or
the child friendly version. You know?”
Dani nodded and kept quiet, knowing the monologue probably wasn’t over yet. But
I know what you mean.
“I don’t know. I just…I watched that race, and that comment about wanting to
dedicate that championship to you…”
Dani looked at him and frowned. “What?”
“I said to Gavin Emmett that I wanted to dedicate that 125cc championship to
you. At Motegi. And he said that during the race commentary.”
Dani felt himself wobble slightly. Wow. “Oh.”
“ANYWAY.” Marc frowned at him good naturedly and carried on. “What I meant
before was, doesn’t it feel like you want to pinch yourself sometimes? I got
that last night especially. Just before we went to sleep, I think because it
was basically the same moment as before you arrived, but it had come true.
Before it was a cushion, and then fast forward a bit and suddenly it’s actually
you. There.”
Dani smiled and nodded at him. So you were imagining the cushion was me? “I
know. I know what you mean. I can’t believe…I can’t believe you feel that way
about me.”
Marc smiled at him and nodded. “Have you looked in the mirror before?”
“Yes.”
“Ok. Have you seen yourself smile in the mirror before?”
“Yes.”
“Have you watched yourself win before?”
“Well…yeah.”
“And…?”
“And…?”
“And that doesn’t give you a clue?”
“Not really.”
You can’t tell him you love him from half asleep in the passenger seat. It has
to be a good moment. Marc took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Ok. I give
up.” He smiled back at the older rider and smirked happily at the flash of
irritation having not explained himself. Maybe later.
*
Marc didn’t know what he’d been imagining, but it was something different to
the reality of Alberto’s house. It was maybe a bit smaller than he expected,
but more secluded, and the garden was bigger, and everything seemed strangely
but nicely italian. They left the unpacking for later, or never, and Dani
ordered Italian food, which neither of them really wanted, but equally there
was nothing at the house and stopping at a shop had seemed unnecessarily risky.
They ate in comfortable silence sat opposite each other cross-legged on the rug
in front of the TV, for no reason they’d discussed other than it seemed easier
than using the table, before Dani disappeared into the garage to look for the
pool controls, which he found. The garden suddenly lit up turquoise as an AHA!
echoed back to where Marc was stood, watching and ready to report back as to
the success of the mission.
“Yeah that’s it! It’s on. Did you find the heater control?”
“YEAH. SHOULD BE READY IN…about 10 minutes.” The HRC rider walked back through
the door and closed it behind himself. “Ok?”
“Yes. Very ok. Have you ever been skinny dipping before?”
“Yeah. But not…probably not like this.”
“High expectations?” Marc laughed and sat back down at the patio door, staring
outside to the view. “So, who was the lucky guy? Or girl?”
“No, I meant…” Dani plonked himself down next to the Moto2 rider and shrugged
slightly helplessly. “Really not like this. As in, drunk. With some other
riders. I can’t remember who was there, but I think it was the Atlantic and I
KNOW it was cold. In fact, Jorge was there. When we were 'enemies'. Because we
swam out about half a mile trying to beat each other.”
“Oh.” Marc laughed under his breath and nodded. “Nice. Did you win?”
“Not really. Nobody won. We both sort of...gave up and told everyone else we
won. You? Hmm? More skeletons in the closet?”
“No.” Marc laughed at the memory before shaking his head earnestly as his face
faded into a more ‘oops’ expression. “Oh, actually…”
“…actually…”
“Actually, with my first girlfriend. On holiday. I can’t remember where we were
either but everyone went to bed and we got up in the middle of the night to
meet up and…went skinny dipping. And I lost my virginity.”
“Oh.” Dani wasn’t sure how to actually respond. Well done? Yay? Oh, dear…And?
How was it? Probably none of those.
“It’s so weird to think about now.”
“Is it…that long ago?!”
“Well…no. Maybe two and a half years? 3 years? But…seems like forever. So much
has happened. I can’t even remember her name.” That made him stop and frown
slightly. “I can’t remember her name!”
Dani panicked that it was something to do with the massive hit to the head that
Marc was worried about, before he realised it was more the principle of it.
“Well…that doesn’t mean you don’t care. Maybe it just means you knew it wasn’t
what you wanted.”
“Hmm. Hopefully.”
“Honestly.” Dani leaned over and planted a kiss on his shoulder. “Don’t worry.
You’ll probably remember later.”
“Hmm.”
Dani took a moment to pep himself up before asking the big question. “Ok. I
need to ask you about Pol…”
Marc’s eyes shot up to meet his, glinting with evil mischief. “You need to?”
“Er…yeah.”
“Really? You’re jealous? You’re actually jealous.”
“Maybe not…jealous.” Marc frowned at him and Dani rolled his eyes. “Ok. Fine.
Jealous. Quite jealous, really. Jealous enough to ask, twice.”
“Ok.” Marc turned to face him and laughed at the expression on the Honda
rider’s face, trying to be so aloof and really not pulling it off. “It wasn’t a
big thing. It wasn’t ‘when I realised I was gay’ because there was any feeling
involved, obviously…it was just hot.”
Dani coughed slightly as he stuttered over the response. “H-hot?”
“Er…yeah. Not sure how he remembers it. But it was hot. For me. And I don’t
know if he’s gay, or bisexual, or neither…I don’t know. It was just one of
those moments where one minute you’re slightly glaring at someone, and
then…you’re pushing them against a wall.” Marc noted Dani’s expression and ran
his tongue over his top lip. “Hard.”
“Hard.”
“Really hard.”
Dani swallowed and looked away, leaving Marc staring at him wickedly, laughing
to himself. “Huh. And...er...you were doing the pushing?”
Marc nodded and watched the older rider squirm. "Of course." Another wicked
grin. "But don’t be jealous.” Maybe this is the moment… “Because…” He got to
his feet and dragged Dani skywards with him. “Do you think its warm enough
now?”
Dani stared blankly before realising he was referring to the pool, wondering
where the ‘because’ was going before it was aborted.
“Oh. Probably.”
“Ok. Let’s go, then.”
Marc grabbed Dani’s left hand in one of his and slid open the door with the
other, turning to the older rider as he walked slowly backwards and let go. He
pulled off his jacket and threw it to the left, then t shirt to the right, then
unbuttoned his jeans as Dani started mirroring him but two steps behind, making
two neat rows of discarded clothes on each side of their path as they both felt
the shiver hit them simultaneously, looking forward to the hopefully warmer
feeling of the pool. Marc stopped as he reached the perimeter, stepping out of
his jeans and pulling off shoes and socks before balancing, toes on the edge,
and grinning at Dani as he spread his arms wide and leant backwards, falling
straight back into the pool. Dani turned instinctively to avoid the splash and
got hit a few seconds later by a very wet pair of boxer shorts as Marc threw
them out at him, laughing at the squealing reaction and cowering himself
slightly as the HRC rider jumped in next to him.
“AH!” Dani’s head shot up above the water line again as he rubbed water from
his eyes. “It’s cold!”
“Yeah.” Marc grinned and shrugged not-too-apologetically. “But I didn’t think
you’d jump if I said that…”
The older rider shot him a disapprovingly affectionate glare as he pulled his
own boxer shorts off and threw them out the pool. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Marc waded the few steps over to him and wrapped his arms
around Dani’s waist. “We’ll just have to keep warm another way.”
Dani nodded into the kiss at the clichéd truth as Marc gently leaned in, moving
one hand up to brush through the hair on the left of the older rider’s head,
taking some semblance of control for the first time; at least, control in
showing how he felt rather than just what he wanted. It didn’t go unnoticed and
Dani ran his hand from the middle of the Moto2 rider’s back slowly down to cup
one cheek and pull him closer. And you did the pushing. Marc suddenly pulled
his head back slightly to get some eye contact.
“Today would have been hard without you.”
Dani nodded. “I know.”
“Thank-“
Dani shook his head and pressed his index finger against Marc’s lips. “Stop it.
You would do the same.”
The younger rider nodded slowly, a smile starting to cross his face, eyes
glinting black as the light of the pool hit them. “I would.” Another gentle
kiss. “You know that. So I should probably finish off what I was saying.” He
smiled again, fully, but nervously, and bit his lip slightly. “Just now, and
before. On the doorstep in Cervera.”
Dani’s heart started to hammer as Marc took one of his hands in his and lifted
it to his lips.
“I keep saying thank you because you’re helping. Not because I don’t expect you
to. Because you deserve to hear it. That I appreciate it. And more than that…I
need to say something; something I’ve wanted to say for at least…longer than I
realised. Maybe it seems quick, maybe you won’t respond yet, maybe I’m allllll
wrong about how you feel.” Dani shivered as the long, protracted alllll
vibrated through the water towards him. “But I love you.”
Dani just stood still and stared at him, watching the hope slowly devolve into
worry, then slightly further into fear, finally ending in pure nervousness.
Hoping he was going to say it hadn’t really prepared him for the reality of
hearing it. He suddenly pulled himself out of the spell and grinned.
“I love you, too.”
Marc's face lit up as he wrapped himself around the older rider, the air in
Dani's chest suddenly expelled under the impact as they lost their footing and
disappeared momentarily under the water, gasping for air as they resurfaced.
Marc wiped the water from Dani's eyes as the Honda rider stared at him.
"I love you too." Testing out the words. I like how they sound.
Marc felt his heart do another hop, skip and jump as his brain yelled He's
replied AGAIN! and he tried to let it sink in.
Now this will be what happened today. It's not the day I told my parents, not
the day we got found naked on the sofa, it's the day whenthishappened.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Ok, ok. I believe you."
Marc grinned as Dani pressed his lips against his ear and whispered.
"Good."
***** Cuando el amado y yo soñamos en silencio *****
Chapter Notes
     Not much 'happening' in this, I know, and it's short...but we're
     going somewhere....promise!
Marc lifted his head and squinted into the sun as he tried to wake himself up.
The bed was big, at least bigger than they were used to, having slept in Marc’s
double a few times, but also ended up curled on the sofa as many, squished
together. And squished together had been nice. But the space was also nice, and
Marc knew part of that came from suddenly feeling much safer since he’d said
what he had, and since he’d heard Dani’s reply. He didn’t need to be tangled up
in the Honda rider every second of every night anymore to convince his
subconscious that he would still be there when he woke up. The space, and the
decor, and the separation from his childhood bedroom all made him wake up
feeling different. Older, somehow. But not in a bad way. Not in a nostalgic
way. He felt like he was meant to be where he was. The sheets were meant to be
freshly washed and that colour, the furniture was supposed to be free of bumps
and bruises where it had been abused by him and his brother, the bed was
supposed to be big enough for two adults to have as much fun in as possible
before actually getting some sleep, the windows were supposed to reveal a nice
view that made him immediately smile about where he was and why. More than
anything though, the person lying next to him was supposed to be there, and
nobody else. It was supposed to be up to them when they got up, and whether
they got dressed to go to the bathroom. Whether they showered alone or
together. Whether they watched TV in Catalan or Spanish. Whether they used the
coffee machine or a cafetiere. The little choices that get lost when you live
under someone else’s roof. Not that they’d been lost for Marc; he’d never had
them. But he’d wanted them. For a long time. Racing from a young age always
seemed to make other people expect him to be immature somehow, or not ready for
the ‘real world’. But that wasn’t the truth of it. Racing, for Marc, had taught
him everything important, and quickly. It just hadn’t taught him about all the
things that the world outside clung onto desperately to convince themselves
that they mattered. Those things didn’t really matter; getting the 2nd Metro or
the 3rd, what thread count the sheets were, whether they got a sandwich or a
panini for lunch. What mattered was working hard, and enjoying the results. But
more than that, what you made of them. And even more than that, who they made
you, and who you shared them with.
Like him.
They hadn’t closed the curtains, and he was glad of that as he looked down at
where Dani was still asleep, lit up by the sunrise and perfectly poised, head
still pointed towards him, eyes closed, so relaxed, only moving slightly as his
breathing cycled through its slow rhythm. And he couldn’t guess… Marc sat up
and rested his elbows on his knees slightly as he stared. He couldn’t guess how
I felt about someone like that. He smiled to himself as suddenly the idea of
Dani not being able to, or not daring to, connect the dots seemed like the most
ridiculous thing in the world. You couldn’t guess? Really?! He felt a laugh
about to erupt and bit his lip to try and avoid waking the older rider before
he had to, knowing after having been told by various people that his laugh
wasn’t quiet, or neutral. In 2009 he’d tried to laugh differently for a while
before walking in on Santi giggling like a princess over something on Youtube
and realising that the laugh makes the man, or in that case, unmakes him
slightly. He shook the thought from his head before he really could laugh, and
ruffled his hair into some sort of shape before gently lifting himself out of
bed and freezing next to it, waiting to see if the disturbance would wake Dani.
It didn’t.
Please still be asleep when I get back…
He padded downstairs in bare feet and into the kitchen, finding his phone on
the kitchen surface and picking it up to scroll through the numbers before
finding what he was looking for. He checked the time and did the mental maths
for the time zone before nodding to himself and pressing ‘dial’.
It rang a few times before it was picked up, and Marc took a deep breath and
tried to calm the bolt of icy fear that had suddenly come back.
You have to ask. You have to know.
“Hello..?”
“Hi.” Marc sat himself down on the sofa, feeling a quick stab of guilt as he
realised he was naked and it wasn’t his house. “It’s Marc. Marc Márquez.”
“Oh. Hello. How can I help?”
A lot, I hope. “I’ve been running away from asking any questions. I’m sorry I
didn’t reply.”
The much older man chuckled slightly and Marc could imagine him nodding,
knowingly. “I know.”
“Sorry. But…ok. We’re going back to the clinic today. To find out more. But I
want to hear from you, first. I want you to tell me every worst case scenario
you can think of, and how likely they are, before we go.”
“Ok. I’m glad to hear that. Is Santi going with you? Because I spoke to him and
we went through this, you can see everything I sent over. That might be
easier.”
Marc took another deep breath. “Er…no. Someone else. I don’t know anything,
and…this person doesn’t either. So…I want to hear it from you.”
Dr Costa sighed in contented defeat and Marc could hear him move slightly away
from whatever background noise he’d been hearing. “Ok.”
*
Dani lifted his head and squinted into the sun as he tried to wake himself up,
not really focused until he noticed that the bed was empty next to him. It
wasn’t the normal pang of disappointment when waking up to find yourself alone,
it was more than that. Just the thought of Marc having used stairs on his own
gave Dani his own medical emergency. Where have you gone…?! He sat bolt upright
and came face to face with the sight of Marc coming back into the room. Naked.
Still naked.
“You’re up!”
Dani nodded and looked down at his crotch as the effect of the sight hit him.
All of me is very up. Marc’s eyes followed his and a wicked smile crossed his
face. “All of you is up…”
Dani laughed and nodded as the younger rider slid back under the sheets and
pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Where were you?”
Marc stared at him, much more intensely than should be possible in the morning,
and nodded. Happy enough, but with adequate grit behind it for Dani to know it
wasn’t just I went to turn on the coffee machine. “I went to call Dr Costa.”
Dani really was awake now; and he sat up fully and nodded. “Oh. Ok.”
“I asked him to go through everything. I wanted a head start on everything, for
later. I needed to take a stand. Start my mid-season winning streak…” He looked
back at Dani and smirked slightly at the purposefully arrogant comment. “So…I
did.”
“Good. And?”
“And…” The bravado broke and he shook his head slightly. “I don’t want to talk
about it … not now, if that’s ok.”
Dani frowned and nodded, lifting his arm up as Marc moved in and lay his head
down on his chest, exactly the same as the first time it had ever happened,
hand placed gently in the middle of Dani’s chest, palm down.
Is this progress? Or am I really making this harder? By making it too easy to
run away?
He found his hand tracing circles on the younger rider’s arm again and kissed
him on the top of the head, just like the first night. And just like the first
night, Marc tilted his head in to plant a slow kiss on Dani’s chest in
response.
***** Crecer es aprender a despedirse *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for the title to any Hormiguitas who didn't enjoy the LorenShow
     on Cuatro. But it's a good quote. ;)
They stayed like that for a while, neither really looking at the clock but both
aware from the journey the sun carved in the window that it was getting to a
point where they should get up. Marc moved first, pushing himself up onto his
elbow and letting his face hover close to Dani’s.
“You know I don’t want to go.”
Dani nodded and searched his eyes for the point of the comment, knowing that
Marc already knew he knew. “I know.”
“And I’m doing it for you, ok?”
Dani stared at him for a couple of seconds longer before slowly shaking his
head. “No.”
The Moto2 rider’s eyes widened before he frowned, puzzled. “What?”
“You’re not doing it for me. If you say you are, I’m not coming with you.”
Marc’s eyes narrowed indignantly and he sat up fully, almost visibly bristling
at the comment, swaying slightly, and tellingly, sending a stab of fear through
both of them that they both tried to hide, knowing why it had happened and what
it meant. It’s not over. “What?!”
Dani shrugged as unapologetically as he could and nodded, aware that he was
lighting the fuse on a situation he probably wasn’t going to like, or more that
neither of them would. “I’m not going there with you if you’re going for me.
You have to go for you, because you want to. Well…maybe not want to…but because
you know you have to. For yourself.”
Marc huffed and looked away. “Oh. Great. Very supportive.”
“Don’t.” Dani’s tone made it perfectly clear how absolutely not ok that was.
“Don’t you dare-“
“Don’t I dare?” Nostrils were flared now, and the younger rider’s eyes were
burning back at him furiously, still blinking slightly in the aftermath, Dani
assumed, of having been hit again by stars. “Dare what? Say what I think?!”
“I think this is more supportive than just smiling and saying, ‘Great’.” There
was a pause as he immediately regretted the way he’d said it; as though he knew
better, as though he was always thinking behind the scenes. Marc’s face seemed
to agree.
“Well, that’s great. I’m glad you think that.” He threw the sheet back and got
out the bed, grabbing a clean pair of boxer shorts out of his bag and ripping
them on. “I thought the point of being supportive was that the person felt
supported?!”
Dani rubbed his eyes and sighed, following Marc’s lead on getting dressed, but
with a lot less aggression and speed. “It is. It is…I’m sorry for the way I
said that, ok?”
Marc looked slightly lost at the immediate apology, and froze on the spot
staring at him for a couple of seconds, eyes still seething, back to focus.
“Right…”
“But I know what I mean. And you do too. You can’t keep running forever.”
If he’d been waiting for a sign as to whether he had to calm down or storm out,
that seemed to be it, and the younger rider just shrugged at him and walked
out, pulling his bag onto his shoulder and taking the stairs with a steady,
angry rhythm, every step completed lowering Dani’s panic level slightly.
I am not taking it back. Dani sighed to himself and pulled on his jeans,
listening to the sounds of the coffee maker being taken to war in the kitchen.
Because I’m completely right.
*
Marc was sat at the table sipping at 8 or 9 second intervals by the time Dani
made it down there. There was a cup of fresh coffee waiting for him on the
counter, and he suddenly felt a weight go from his shoulders, something he
hadn’t been aware he’d been worried about: it was the age question, again. And
the coffee went some way to proving to Dani that this wasn’t a battle of
maturity, more of principle. All arguments got immature to some degree.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.” Marc didn’t look at him, and it almost would have made Dani laugh
if it hadn’t hurt, the way he stared straight ahead with his jaw set angrily,
replying but as a matter of principle rather than want, glaring over the cup as
he took elegant sip after elegant sip. “I try to be supportive.”
Dani put the cup back down in exasperation half a second after he’d picked it
up, spilling some onto the table top. Marc noted it, again didn’t look at it,
and nodded minutely in the general direction.
“You’ve spilt some.”
“Yes, I know. Thank you.”
The Moto2 rider had obviously finished his, and went over to the sink to wash
the cup, leaving it on the side to dry and walking over to the sofa to sit down
somewhere else, facing away from him. Dani tried to finish what he’d been
saying.
“I never said I wouldn’t go with you.”
Silence.
“I would do anything to go with you, ok? I just can’t if I know why…it doesn’t
feel like progress, if you’re going just because of me.”
“Maybe sometimes when you don’t make progress you should stop pushing and
concentrate on keeping it on the track instead.”
“Don’t say things like that.”
“Sometimes it’s true. Ride for the points you can actually win.”
Dani bit his lip and nodded to himself. “Don’t threaten me with things like
that.”
“Like what?”
As if you don’t know. “When you say that, what I hear is ‘You’d better accept
what I’m saying or I’m going to crash.’”
More silence.
I’ll try again. “So please, don’t say things like that.”
The tone seemed to get through and the head in front of him nodded. “Sorry. I’m
just angry.”
“Yeah, well…I’m angry too.”
“Do you know why, though?”
“Yes! I know exactly fucking why, ok? But I didn’t mean it like you took it…I’m
not trying to control you, and I’m not trying to make you do what I think is
best. I just…I can’t do this either. I…” He sighed again and walked round to
where Marc was sat, taking a seat near but not too near. “I can’t carry all of
this every day. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard, ok?”
Marc turned and looked at him, concern suddenly joining the anger as Dani’s
voice wobbled slightly. “What?”
“I can’t be your only reason for doing this. I can’t. I can’t hold you up…I
don’t…” Dani tried to figure out what he was saying and shook his head
slightly. “Ok, I can. If I have to, I’ll do anything. I’ll carry you to
Barcelona right now, if I have to. I will always be here.” He let that sink in.
“I just mean…I worry.” He held up his hand to show he hadn’t finished as Marc’s
mouth opened to respond. “I know you know that. That…moment in Molins de Rei, I
have never been that scared in my life. I didn’t need the bathroom at all. I
went and I locked myself in and I basically just tried to pull myself together
so you didn’t have to see how worried I was, because I knew you were worried
enough already. And I feel like I’m doing that all the time, and I feel like
there is that extra 1% left in you that can meet me a bit further on from where
you are doing. And I’m not saying this selfishly, or because I’m bored with it.
If it’s this forever, or no you, then fine. But it isn’t. I know it isn’t.”
The silence remained, but Marc was staring straight at him, aggression gone but
replaced with something else, not moving and obviously not about to say
anything either. Dani carried on.
“I’m sorry. I want to help you, that’s all I want! I want to have helped you
this far.” Please tell me again that I have. “I want to be able to take it
away. But I can’t do it all. Like I said, if its life and death I can and will
do anything. But this isn’t. It’s in your head. It’s fear.”
The fire was back in the Moto2 rider’s eyes slightly, but it wasn’t directed at
Dani anymore.
“You know that. And I understand, I really understand how hard it must be. And
how tempting it must be to just let yourself go for a while. But this is what
this is, to me. It’s…we’re equal. I need something back. I need to get some
sleep! Real sleep!”
Marc stared at him and frowned. “You’ve not been sleeping?”
Finally something. “Not really. I usually lie there for 4 or 5 hours looking at
you and going through everything.”
“Oh.”
Dani rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. “Like I said, I’m not trying to
tell you what to do. I’m telling you what I think is a good idea. Do what you
want with that, ok? The way I see it, we each have a half share in everything.
But if one half of that is getting pulled down…the other half has to step up.
And that’s what I’m doing. And that’s what I’m saying…if it was something else
doing that to you, I’ve got it. But you’re doing some of it to yourself.”
Marc studied his face for a few seconds before he suddenly raised his hand to
his mouth and bit it slightly as he lost control of whatever that emotion was
in his eyes that Dani hadn’t been able to read, two or three almost silent sobs
greeting him as the Moto2 rider looked away. Dani shot to his feet and knelt
down in front of him, grabbing his hands, which Marc grabbed in return, and
staring up at him.
“I’m sorry, I went too far.”
Marc shook his head and smiled tearily. “No.”
Dani frowned. “Then, what?”
“I just…I had no idea.”
Oh.
“I had no idea you felt like that…I…what can I do?!” The younger rider stared
down at him questioningly, desperately. “How can I make it better?”
Dani shook his head and planted a kiss on the top of Marc’s hand. “Like I said,
you don’t have to do anything for me.”
“But-”
“No. No buts. You don’t have to do anything for me. Everything I want is
already here. I just want you to do it for yourself. I want to feel how I felt
when I watched that points deficit go down all year!”
Marc smiled at him, completely confused. “What do you mean?”
Dani smiled at him and shrugged as if the Moto2 rider was being very, very
slow. “Like, ‘it’s Marc Márquez! We got this!’”
Marc suddenly burst into laughter and tears at the same time and pulled Dani up
to him, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his shoulder.
“Oh.”
Dani held onto him for a few seconds until he felt him pull away, and looked
back at him. “The Ant, right?”
Marc took a deep breath and ran a hand through Dani’s hair, smiling again,
almost strangely proud of him. “The Ant. Because it can carry more than its own
weight.”
“Exactly.” Dani pulled the car keys out of his pocket and dangled them in front
of his face. “Now, are we ready to march?”
Marc raised an eyebrow and glared at him. “I’m not a Spartan.”
Dani laughed and made a ‘comme si, comme ça’ movement with his hand. “It’s not
a bad philosophy…”
Marc feigned shock and his eyes widened. “Never let me hear you say that
again!”
Dani zipped his mouth shut and shook his head. “Never.” He pulled himself to
his feet and started for the door. The younger rider got to his feet and
stretched slightly, starting to follow Dani out the house, before he stopped
and frowned.
“Does Alberto have helmets?”
Dani stopped and turned. “What?”
“Helmets. Are there any here?”
“Well…yeah. Loads…”
“I want one.” He noted Dani’s expression and rolled his eyes. “No, not to ride.
Or steal. I want to pull on a helmet, and…stare at myself.” He laughed and
shrugged as if he had no idea what he was saying. “I mean…I want to put on a
helmet and remember what it feels like to be ready.”
Dani nodded and pocketed the keys. Actually could be a great idea.
“Ok, let’s have a look.” And then you’re ready? “And then you’ll be ready for
this?”
Marc nodded and squared off his shoulders.
“I’ll be more than ready. This is Sparta.”
***** Dis-lui toi que je t'aime *****
The helmet idea had worked pretty well, from what Dani could see of the revived
Marc. And sitting on a bike had been even better. He’d sat there, and Dani had
slightly wanted to say no, be quiet, don’t…but in the end, he’d just gone with
it. So doubtlessly the whole street was now extremely perturbed by the 10
minutes off excessive revving and burnouts that had had Marc grinning ear to
ear. He hadn’t moved per se, but the bike certainly hadn’t stayed still. And
the grey polished floor of the garage now bore the rather obvious evidence of
what had happened. But still, it didn’t matter. Not compared to seeing him
almost back to what he should be. And that, he was. At least for a bit.
The one thing Dani hadn’t thought through was watching. Watching him sit there,
even watching him get on the bike and make himself comfortable, was just about
the hottest thing he’d ever witnessed. The way he planted his feet, the way he
moved himself slightly left to right to settle himself, the way he twisted the
throttle. Because yes, he’d noticed the kid in the Catalunya Caixa leathers a
while ago, probably longer ago than he would ever admit, but he’d never been up
close to it; he’d watched from a distance. And he had watched, always.
Marc was absolutely buzzing when he finally killed the engine and wafted his
way through the burnt rubber over to Dani, pulling off the helmet and patting
his hair back into some semblance of normality in that way that was so weirdly
familiar to the older rider. Dani just stared at him until Marc noticed and
locked eyes with him, sideways smile starting to appear as he realised what the
problem might be.
“What?”
“You know what.”
Marc grinned and raised his eyebrows as he crossed the last few feet between
them “Do I?”
Dani was just about to nod when Marc’s hand shot out and grabbed him straight
between the legs. The Sabadell native yelped slightly before another, much
lower noise took over.
“Please – don’t - ”
Marc laughed as the older rider grabbed his shoulder to steady himself. “You’re
going to say we don’t have time.”
Dani nodded and felt an equal amount of relief and disappointment as Marc
nodded and let go.
“We probably don’t have time. But you liked that, didn’t you?”
Dani wondered how obvious it must be written on his face. “I’ve never seen you
like that before…not…so close.”
Marc’s eyes were boring into his and Dani didn’t have to ask to know exactly
what they were trying to communicate.
“Well…hopefully you’ll see me like that a lot, soon.” The light of a smile
joined that expression in his eyes as he leant in and pressed a quick kiss to
the older rider’s lips. “But to know when, I guess we have to go.”
Dani nodded and pulled out the car keys. “We do.”
*
“Right.” Dani pulled on the handbrake and looked over at him. “How are we doing
this?”
Marc managed to stop his fidgeting long enough to shrug. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…they’re going to know who I am. And they know who you are. What do you
want? Do you want me to wait here or come in with you and act as though that’s
normal?” The look in Marc’s eyes as he’d said do you want me to wait here gave
him the answer.
“Please come in. And…pff.” Marc shook his head slightly in frustration and
watched a woman cross the car park with a small child, distracting himself from
whatever he didn’t really want to talk about. “We need to talk about this,
don’t we? We need to…I don’t know. Figure out who we tell.”
Dani nodded and threaded his fingers through Marc’s. “We do. We’ll sort that
later, ok?”
Marc nodded and managed a nervous smile. “Ok. For today, though…I don’t know…I
guess we’d better pretend that we’re casual friends in there. Unless they tell
me I’m about to drop dead, in which case I would appreciate a bit of
affection.” He smiled at Dani’s face and shrugged. “Humour helps.”
“Maybe it helps you.”
“But as we already found out today, that’s all that matters. You’ve just got to
be supportive.”
Dani couldn’t help but laugh, and squeezed his hand. “Stop. Just stop. Ok. So
we’re casual friends. Fine.”
Marc feigned terror as he looked back at him. “Are you rehearsing for our
conversation later?!”
“STOP.”
“Sorry. I’m nervous.”
“I know.” Dani pulled Marc’s hand up and planted a kiss on the back of it. “I
know.”
Marc nodded at him and pulled his hand back to undo his seatbelt. “Ok, here we
go. Ant.”
“Ant.”
“Ant.”
“I love you.”
Marc stopped fidgeting again and leaned in closer to his face, staring at his
lips and speaking to them. “I know.” Dani stared down at him, hovering so
temptingly close, as Marc’s eyes snapped up to meet his. “I know you love me.”
Dani gulped and nodded, a million and one incredibly hot but inappropriate car
park scenarios flashing through his brain. “I love you. Just remember that,
when we’re in there pretending that I passionately dislike you.”
Marc grinned and nodded. “Don’t worry, I never forget.” He wrapped one hand
behind the older rider’s head and pulled him in for an agonizingly slow kiss.
“And I love you.”
He got out the car and messed with his hair one last time, pulled his t shirt
down one last time, brushed something off his jeans one last time, checked his
phone was in his pocket one last time, and then, finally, nodded at Dani.
“Ok. ¡Vamos!”
*
Dani flipped his phone between his fingers as he waited. He’d been there when
they’d been doing all the normal stuff, making him read things on the wall,
checking he could focus on different things, making his eyes follow a light
around to check he could, and he’d done a good job of seeming disinterested,
which had proven difficult. But then they’d come to a challenging moment when
he was going for scans, when the doctor had looked straight at Dani and
shrugged so non-chalantly that the HRC rider had instantly considered hitting
him, and said “Sorry, only family or wives and girlfriends after this point”.
Dani hadn’t hit him, and was quite surprised how much he’d wanted to, but he’d
seen a flicker of something on the Doctor’s face the second he’d immediately
looked at Marc, and Marc had immediately looked back at him. They’d broken
cover. Not for long, and he was sure the doctor would explain it away, but the
casual had suddenly become incredibly intense for a brief second. Marc had
nodded at him, which again the doctor had found slightly strange, and Dani had
made his painfully cheery exit.
So now he was sat on an extremely uncomfortable chair, waiting, when his phone
rang. MARC – HOME flashed up on the screen and Dani’s heart automatically
jumped happily for a split second before his brain caught up with the fact that
it wouldn’t actually be Marc calling. In which case this will be strange. And
how do you have my number?!
“Hello?” Ah. He programmed it in. Which I’m sure was a nice thing to find…
“Hello…it’s Julià…Marc’s dad.”
Dani breathed a sigh of relief slightly at which one. “I know…er, I have your
home number in my phone, I mean…”
Right, of course you do. “I’m sorry to bother you, it’s just Marc didn’t answer
and I was worried.”
“No, you’re not bothering me. How can I help?”
“Is he still with you?”
“Yeah…? Not at the moment though, we’re at the clinic in Barcelona and he’s
having some scans. Only wives and family allowed in, apparently.”
“Oh. When did he arrange that?”
“Last night. I think we’re making progress.”
“Good. You mean…physically?”
“Oh…well that I don’t know yet. I just meant…he’s ready to stand up and deal
with it, now. Or at least, more ready.”
“Good.” There was a pause and Dani started to get nervous as to what was coming
next. “How is he? I don’t…I don’t want to pry. I just want to know how he’s
doing. After…everything.”
Dani sighed slightly and stared at his reflection in the vending machine. What
do you want me to say? That he hasn’t mentioned what happened in Cervera? That
he told me that he loves me? That I’ve bent over backwards even getting us
here? “He’s getting a bit better. Or he was before we got here. I don’t know
how he’ll be if they say things he doesn’t like. But earlier, he was doing
burnouts. Not moving – don’t worry. But he was…back, if you know what I mean.”
He could hear the affectionate smile in Julià’s voice as he laughed slightly.
“I know what you mean. That’s good. Could you…keep me updated?”
Dani watched his own face go ‘eeek’ and shrugged to himself. “I…I’m not sure.
It’s a bit difficult. I understand your position, but…I think that’s up to
Marc.” He waited with baited breath for anything between an ‘I understand’ and
the phone going dead.
“Ok. I understand. And…thank you. For being there.”
Dani nodded, again to himself, and hoped that signaled the end of the
conversation. “Er…no problem.”
“Can I ask you something? It’s something I…I just need to know, that I know is
probably none of my business.”
Dani clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. Oh, my favourite. “Go ahead.”
“Do you love him?”
Dani smiled to himself at the simplicity of the question. No, I just have
nothing to do so I hang around in Catalunya, miles from where I live, cancel
training and interviews, and spend every waking and sleeping minute with Moto2
riders because I quite like them. “Yes.”
There was an audible intake of breath from down the line. “Do you think he
loves you?”
What has this turned into…. “Yes, he does.”
“He’s told you?”
“Yes. We’ve talked about it.” By which I mean that we say that almost as much
as we say anything else.
“Oh. Right. Ok…sorry I asked, I just…”
“You wanted to know if we’re playing around.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“We’re not playing around.”
“I…ok. Thanks, Dani. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
“No problem. I’ll tell him you called. Bye…”
He waited for the reply and then pressed cancel as Marc reappeared through the
double doors, Dani getting to his feet and readying himself for whatever he was
about to say, and trying to erase the slightly awkward but strangely satisfying
phone call from his mind. The younger rider instinctively went to kiss him, or
at least Dani knew that’s what it had been, before he recoiled like the HRC
rider was burning at 1000 degrees and widened his eyes. That was close.
Dani paused where he was until they’d both got back into ‘public’ mode, and
then waited for the younger rider to say something, conscious of the Doctor
hovering behind them.
“Ok…shall we go? You’re ok to give me a ride on your way to training?”
Dani smiled at the cheeky expression on his face, hidden from the Doctor,
enjoying the game in public. “Yeah, no problem.” He watched as Marc turned and
thanked the doctor, and he replied in turn with something about results, and
then he followed the Moto2 rider as he made a beeline for the door, not
stopping until he was locked back in the car, Dani next to him.
“You ok? How was it?”
Marc took a few deep breaths and nodded. “Not too bad. Good news is they think
they know what’s wrong.”
Dani nodded optimistically. “Great!”
“Yeah, good.” Marc nodded with him and shrugged. “Bad news is that if they’re
right, I need surgery. And they don’t know how long that would take to recover
from.”
Oh. I see. “What do you mean, how long? Like weeks? Months?”
“They don’t know yet. I have to wait for the results from some of those scans,
which should be tomorrow. Then they’ll know for sure, and they’ll also know the
scale of it. But…I don’t have to retire!” Marc suddenly let out a massive
whoosh of air and put both palms flat on the dashboard, breathing steadily in
and out, hearing the words somehow making them real. “I don’t have to retire. I
don’t have to retire.”
Dani watched him and suddenly felt his eyes welling up as he watched the panic
and stress slowly start to evaporate from the younger rider. No, you don’t. And
you did it. We’re actually here. He took his own deep breath and reached out to
angle Marc’s face towards him. “Look at me.”
Marc’s eyes focused on his and waited.
“I am so proud of you.”
Marc nodded and his own eyes started to well up as he gritted his teeth, eyes
shining from outside and inside. “I did it.”
“You did it.” Dani nodded at him and that split second seemed to last ten. Just
saying everything we’re not actually saying…
“And I didn’t do it for you.” A flash of defiance lit up Marc’s eyes and he
smiled knowingly. “But I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Dani shrugged slowly, acceptingly, and smiled. “That’s ok. I can live with
that.”
“You don’t have a choice.” Marc leaned in and continued that last kiss they’d
shared before they’d got out the car. “You have to.”
Dani found himself closing his eyes before the Moto2 rider pulled away, just
needing a moment where the only sense he was using was touch. He opened his
eyes to see Marc looking at him, just in time to catch the change from
enamoured to bliss. Marc smiled and nodded, understanding completely, before
Dani remembered.
“Your dad called.”
Oh dear. “What did he want?”
“He wanted to know how you were. You didn’t answer, obviously.”
“Oh. Ok. What did you say?”
“I just said you were getting a bit better, as in, where we were and how that
was progress…and that we didn’t know anything else yet. Then he asked me if I
loved you.”
Marc’s face cringed. “Oh…right…?”
“So I said yes…and then he asked if I thought you loved me…”
Marc’s face cringed further. “Oh, why………”
Dani laughed at his pained expression. “So I said yes, you loved me. He asked
me how I knew, so I said we’d talked about it.”
“Oooh. Ok. Oh God. Sorry. Why would he do that?!”
“Actually it was a good moment. I said, ‘You wanted to know if we were playing
around.’ And he said yes, so I just said, ‘we’re not playing around.’ I think
he got my tone…”
Marc smiled at him and nodded. “Good. I think he’s ok with it, as long as he
knows it isn’t just some stupid 2 weeks that we’ll forget about. My mother,
however…”
Dani nodded in agreement with his appraisal. “Seems like that. But it will work
out.”
Marc took a moment to think before he suddenly snapped out of it and nodded
purposefully. “Yeah. It will. What time is it?”
“Valentino past Dovizioso.”
Marc grinned at him and narrowed his eyes. “We’re not playing around here…”
“Sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.”
Marc sighed and feigned exasperation. “I've told you before. You’re the Sir,
and I’m the pupil. Ok?!”
Dani smiled and nodded. “Ok, ok…I know you have strange perversions.”
“That’s not strange, that’s common sense.”
“Or…is it?”
“Yes, and shut up. Food in Barceloneta? I want fish.”
Dani shrugged and nodded. “Sounds good. In public?”
“Yes. In public. Consider it a challenge…”
“Done. And we need to talk about that...”
"We do. We will. Now, tuna please."
Dani nodded and started the engine as the photographer put down his camera and
watched them drive away, disappointed at not having caught the kiss because
he'd been too surprised. But he'd got enough to strike up some interest.
A lot, probably.
***** In The Real World *****
Chapter Notes
     Any errors blame Supercross, I'm slightly distracted, sorry...but
     here we go... ;)
He hadn’t expected them, that was for sure. But after that tweet of them in
Molins de Rei that had gone round like wildfire, neither of the riders had been
seen in public and they’d not issued any sort of denial or comment on it at
all, so when he’d been on his way to Martorell, stopped at traffic lights in
Sarrià and looked over to the car on his right and seen…Dani Pedrosa driving
Marc Márquez around Barcelona, he’d made the decision as the lights had gone
green, and followed them to a clinic.
That was interesting enough, because it was obviously for Marc after the crash
he’d had. But Moto2 riders weren’t going to sell enough papers, or get enough
hits. Normally Pedrosa wouldn’t sell that well either – he was popular, yes,
but he was no Valentino Rossi. And he was no Jorge Lorenzo, who seemed to sell
well, too, usually because half of the people who bought it wanted to get some
ammunition on the polarizing Mallorcan.
But Pedrosa AND Marquez? It was enough to follow them, certainly given the
tweet. And it was enough to wait 10 minutes outside before entering the car
park and parking opposite them, quite well hidden but with a good view, waiting
for their return.
It took a while, but the car was still there so he waited. He watched as Marc
crossed the car park quickly, Dani following him with the keys, clicking the
car open as the Moto2 rider beat him there and got in. Dani got in next to him
and then Marc seemed to start explaining what had happened inside, leaning on
the dashboard and looking relieved. He took pictures of that, and lowered the
camera to see if they were about to leave, in which case he would have to hide
better. But they didn’t leave. They older rider reached out and made Marc look
at him, some serious words being shared, and a shiver of excitement went down
the photographer’s spine. Surely not. He took a few more pictures before he
froze for a few seconds, long enough to watch Marc then lean in to Dani and
kiss him. Not quickly, not in a rush, not as a friend. It was slow, and they
looked like they were used to doing it. Certainly, the aftermath was normal, as
though they’d both expected it and wanted it and were now just getting on with
the rest of their day.
And he hadn’t got it all. But he’d got that shot of them just before, Dani’s
hand still holding Marc’s chin to look at him, staring into each other’s eyes.
Intimately.
In all the excitement at the prospect of being the only person with this
information, he’d forgotten to react to the situation, and the tweet from
Molins de Rei that had seemed strange but explainable was suddenly the first
jigsaw piece in the puzzle that, when completed, spelt out ‘Dani Pedrosa and
Marc Marquez are in a gay relationship.’ And that was a world first, and one
that he immediately picked up the phone to tell people about. It probably
wouldn’t even wait for the printers, it would have to be an online thing. Now.
*
It felt strange but good, being outside and back in the world, together. They
went down to one of the restaurants further on from the Rambla del Mar and got
a table in the corner at the water, far enough away from anyone else who was in
the restaurant, which wasn’t many people, given the strange hour. They knew who
Dani was at least, because they immediately addressed him as ‘Mr Pedrosa’,
which made him laugh slightly to himself. It always made him laugh how people
did that. He was famous, yes, but for riding a motorbike. Not a silver service
environment, traditionally. Marc had his tuna, and Dani had prawns, and they
just sat there and talked, normally, about normal things, as the sun started to
go down. It took Dani until the end of Marc’s second glass of wine to realize
he couldn’t legally drink, which freaked him out slightly. And also made him
angry at a world that would let Marc go and kill in the army and ride a
motorbike in the world championship and possibly kill himself, but saw one beer
as way too far. Although the last time he drank, I’m glad he couldn’t go and
buy more.
So, they talked. Some racing, some Rossi vs Biaggi, some football, some music,
some other sport. And then memories and childhoods and all the things they’d
only ever talked about before as a distraction. It was bliss, and they both
suddenly stopped half way through dessert and came to the same conclusion: it
was basically their first date.
“So…I told you I loved you before you even bought me dinner.” Marc grinned at
him and downed the last of what was left in his wine glass, which Dani frowned
at slightly, accidentally, and Marc caught. “What? The wine?”
Dani nodded apologetically. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“No, no…it’s ok. Consequences; I have to live with them.”
“What?”
“I mean…the consequences of me drowning myself in vodka are that you’re worried
right now.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Dani nodded and figured the mood was ok for the question.
“But…you’re ok?”
Marc nodded and smiled at him, not at all bothered by what Dani had been
worried sounded too parental. “I’m fine. I’m drinking it because I can’t drive,
we’ve had amazing food, it’s sunny, and I don’t have to operate heavy machinery
this evening.”
Dani laughed and raised his own glass in a cheers. “Good.” And even better, I
believe you completely. “So…I’m paying, right?”
Marc nodded. “Yup. I’m only a poor Moto2 rider…”
“Pffff. I don’t think that’s quite true…”
Marc pouted at him innocently. “Maybe not entirely true…” He laughed and
signaled the waiter for the bill. “Call it payback for all the free
accommodation you had at my house?”
Dani laughed at the cheek. “If we’re trading in services here, you owe me.”
The sarcasm disappeared slightly from the younger rider’s face and he just
looked at him warmly, nodding. “Yeah, I owe you.” His eye caught the
approaching waiter and he leaned in conspiratorially to whisper. “For how you
make me scream.”
Dani coughed and jumped as the waiter appeared with the bill and put it down in
front of him, Marc covering his mouth with his napkin and giggling to himself
at the dread on Dani’s face at having dared say it so late. The HRC rider
waited until they were alone again to pick up the bill and stare at it,
covering his face whilst talking to Marc.
“Was that funny?”
“Yeah.” Marc’s finger appeared at the top of the bill and pulled it down to
make eye contact, raising an eyebrow and smirking. “And true.”
Ok, I take the bait. “I don’t really know how to respond to that…”
“That’s ok. Just letting you know that you’ve blown my mind. Among other
things…” Marc laughed before his face went back to serious again. “Seriously,
though. You just… Ok. I know I’ve only slept with 2 guys before, and one of
them was an angry Espargaró fuck, but…the other was…a lot. And I thought he was
pretty good at it. I was verrrrrrrrry wrong.” He rolled the r and sat there
staring at Dani, eyes burning like they would have been if the table was a bed
and the dishes were discarded clothing. “Verrrrrrrrry wrong.”
Dani could feel himself reacting like a coy schoolgirl and could do nothing to
stop, so he just blushed and went with it. “Well…thanks?” Marc laughed at how
his eyes darted from left to right to check they weren’t being overheard. “I
try.”
“You succeed. You succeed. In fact…I think you’re going to have to Alonso it
back to Alberto’s house,” he pointed at the sea and grinned wickedly. “Because
otherwise I am going to fuck you overboard.”
Dani spluttered into his water and actually ended up resting his forehead on
the top of the table, laughing in delighted exasperation at the situation.
“Stop it, just stop it.”
“You going to make me?”
“YES. I’m going to fucking….” He floundered around for the words and ideas and
found nothing.
“Fucking….?”
“Fucking…I don’t know!” He noticed the waiter coming again and leaned in as
Marc had done before to hiss at him. “Nothing is as good as fuck you
overboard.”
Marc laughed and nodded maniacally, earning a happily puzzled look from the
waiter as Dani paid, trying to keep a straight face, and then they were once
again alone.
“Shall we go, then?” Marc started to get to his feet, Dani didn’t move.
“No. I think I’ll sit here for another 2-3 minutes.”
“Right…?”
Dani shrugged at him helplessly and blushed, motioning to his crotch slightly.
“I have to.”
Marc’s eyes widened and his mouth changed into a little ‘o’ shape as he
realised why. He ducked his head under the table cloth and came back up almost
doubled over laughing. “I see.”
“It’s all your fault.”
Marc nodded, fake understanding and concern on his face. “I’m sure.” He studied
Dani for another few seconds before the HRC rider looked out over the water.
“It’s really nice down here. All the seagulls…” He stopped as Marc erupted into
more giggles and moved his seat back from the table slightly to allow himself
more room to have a breakdown, tears at the corner of his eyes, Dani joining in
despite himself. “What?”
Marc managed to almost control himself and nodded his apologies to other diners
who had started looking at them. “Just…waiting to leave the restaurant because
you have a boner, and then you start talking about fucking WILDLIFE.”
“Yeah?” Dani laughed and shrugged. “I’m trying to distract myself from you.” He
got to his feet and took a deep breath. “Ok, let’s go. Quick.”
Marc nodded and almost tried to take his hand before realizing that wasn’t a
good idea, trying to make it seem like he’d just decided to swing his arms
around, the older rider looking at him and shaking his head at the sight.
“Smooth.”
"Pff. Says Mr Restaurant Boner." Marc waited until they were a few paces from
the restaurant, then looked around to check no one was too close. "I love you."
Dani smiled and frowned, puzzled at the choice of moment, and Marc spread his
arms slightly to signal the world around them.
"Just wanted to say it outside. In the real world."
*
"Ok, when I send you the link, you just have to promise me that youwill
notpanic."
Alberto felt his heart rate ramp up and frowned. "Ok, has something bad
happened? Is Dani ok? He's not called...and he's staying in my house, I think.
What's going on?"
He heard Santi sigh and then take a breath. "Dani is fine. He's with Marc. You
will see." Another pause. "Ok, I've sent it. Call me back in 10 minutes when
you've stopped...whatever you'll be doing."
Alberto frowned and clicked on the email, putting the now silent phone on the
desk. What is going on... The pictures were the first thing he saw, followed by
the words DANI PEDROSA AND MARC MARQUEZ: THE BIGGEST SECRET IN THE PADDOCK.
And now that conversation makes sense...
He closed his eyes and sighed, taking a moment to prepare himself for the full
read through. He didn't usually pay much attention to things like this...but
the photos...
The photos...
***** Never Leave Me *****
Chapter Notes
     Ok, so...this was so hard to write and be happy with! Or reasonably
     happy ;)
     Fluff ahead.
     Let me know if you like it//where it's going?? Thank you <3
     And yes, new characters have been added. They are coming. ;)
The phone rang when they were just putting the code into the gate, or rather,
the phones. They’d realised during dinner that they’d not actually talked about
what they were going to do – they’d both just assumed, after how the day had
turned out, that they’d be going back to Sitges and back to Alberto’s house.
Dani was feeling more and more restless about how much of his life he’d put on
hold, and Marc was feeling exactly the same, although neither of them had said
it. It was getting to the point where something would have to…not break, but
change. And that’s what they were intending to talk about.
But then, the phones rang.
One or the other would be normal, one then the other, depending on who was
calling, would also be reasonably understandable. But both at the same time
made them both immediately wonder what must be going on. Dani pulled in past
the gate and they both pulled their phones out to check who it was. Alberto was
calling Dani, and Emilio was calling Marc. They held up the screens and
frowned, then Dani put his down and sighed.
“Ok…it’s not a coincidence. Let’s ring them back when we’re inside, yeah?”
Marc nodded and pressed ignore before following Dani into the house,
immediately receiving a text in lieu of a call. He read it and stopped dead
just inside the front door, Dani barreling into him from behind at the
unexpected stop.
“Fuuuuuuuuuuck.”
“What?!”
“'Marc. Someone has published photos of you and Dani online that need
explaining. I don’t know where you are but I hope you’re somewhere private. If
not, go somewhere private. I think Alberto is calling Dani although I’m sure
you’re with him? We need to talk about this NOW.’”
Dani’s heart sank and he pulled out his again-ringing phone and pressed cancel,
needing another couple of minutes to deal with this with the person who was
actually involved. This will be interesting. “Ok…let’s text them back and see
what’s going on, then we can talk about it and call them, together…yeah?
Conference call or something.”
Marc nodded and held his eye contact, seeing the same thing in Dani’s eyes that
he expected was visible in his own: time was up. Everything was now going to
change, in one way or other. “Ok.”
They did that and realised it was going to be difficult without a computer,
which Alberto had but was password protected, so Dani sat himself down at the
end of the sofa and smiled as Marc appeared with two cups of coffee, ‘yes,
decaf’, and snuggled down next to him, both looking down at the screen and
taking a second to prepare themselves. Marc suddenly turned his head and
pressed a quick kiss into Dani’s neck, resting his forehead against the older
rider’s shoulder for a second.
“Whatever it is, I don’t regret anything.”
Dani nodded, more to himself than to Marc, and pressed a kiss on the top of his
head. “Me neither.”
The Moto2 rider looked up and him and slowly smiled. “Let’s just…do it then.
Doesn’t matter, does it?”
“I guess it doesn’t.” Dani smiled in return and shrugged. “I guess it really
doesn’t.”
“Right, then. Go.”
Googling himself with Marc present was quite strange, but it did immediately
yield the result they were looking for: in ‘News’, his name was everywhere, as
was Marc’s.
It was photos from the clinic, along with headlines to the effect that they
were in a relationship. No photos from dinner and no kiss, which made them both
breathe a sigh of relief before looking at each other and sighing, realizing
that relief obviously meant something in itself, and that the decision was
being forced.
“We need to talk about this.”
Dani nodded. “Fire away.”
“I don’t really know what to say, but I feel like we should talk about it.”
Dani smiled at the look on his face and nodded. “I know exactly what you mean.”
He rubbed his hands over his face and deposited his phone on the table. “I
guess the question is: do you care?”
Marc frowned at him and shrugged. “I don’t know. I…I have less to lose, I
think. And I’m gay, so there never would have been any life in which I didn’t
have to either live a lie for my career, or go through this anyway. But you,
maybe it could have been a woman…”
Dani nodded. “I know what you mean in a way…but…not really. I…I don’t know…I
guess I’d imagined retiring before I had to announce anything like this…so less
people would be interested. Which I’m not proud of…”
“No, no…I understand. Don’t feel guilty just because you didn’t want to deal
with this. It’s not our fault if other people find it crazy or interesting or
horrible.”
“But you know what I mean…”
“I know. We’re the flag bearers and have to deal with that. Or we should deal
with that.”
“Exactly.”
They both sighed again in unison and Marc pressed cancel on another call from
Emilio. “Well…like I said…I wouldn’t do anything differently. Even the bad
stuff, because you turned up. But if you want to play the game, I’ll do that. I
understand.”
Dani suddenly got to his feet and stared at the ceiling. “This really pisses me
off.”
Marc laughed to himself slightly and nodded. “I know.”
“But…it really pisses me off.”
“Yeah, I KNOW.” He looked up at Dani and smiled at him in helpless frustration.
“It’s ridiculous.”
Dani nodded at him and downed the last of his coffee. “Sorry. I’m not being
very helpful.”
It is a bit strange. Being the constructive one. “No, not really.” He flashed
Dani a smile before getting to his feet and wrapping his arms around him,
feeling the strange difference in being the one standing up taller, the older
rider leaning his forehead on his chest and breathing in and out a few times,
Marc mirroring what Dani had done to him for the past week and planting a kiss
on the top of his head, but unlike Dani knowing that he wouldn’t last very
long. “But this is definitely a situation where you’re getting dragged down.”
He moved his lips so they were pressed against Dani’s ear. “So I’ll pull you
up.”
Dani nodded and took an even deeper breath before pulling away slightly to get
eye contact. “I know.”
Marc smiled and nodded. “I know you know. What’s wrong? What’s the worst thing?
Just…let’s be honest. Just say everything that pops into your head, ok? Come
on.” And please say that thing I need you to say. He pushed the coffee table
away from them and sat on the rug in front of the sofa, motioning Dani to sit
opposite him, which he did. “Anything at all in your head, just say it.”
“Ok.”
Nothing was forthcoming and Marc shook his head affectionately. “Ok, I’ll start
then. I’m gay. So my choice was always not tell people and have to be
secretive, or deal with this. I probably wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t have
anybody important…but if I did, I would have chosen to go public. Because it
doesn’t feel right, hiding.” He noticed Dani’s face and held up his finger in a
‘shh’. “For me. I don’t judge. It’s difficult, because I feel like it shouldn’t
be something that we should have to hide, but the way it is is this: you either
hide, or you deal with a lot of shit. Unfair, but true. I would deal with it
because…well, as I already proved today, I fail at secrecy. BUT…it’s also
different for me because it was always going to happen.”
He paused and Dani stayed quiet, so he carried on.
“And it’s difficult because I always imagined it would be my choice, because
I’d be the one they’d be interested in talking about. But it’s you. AND you’re
the bisexual one.” Marc shrugged at him encouragingly. “Talk to me.”
Dani coughed and nodded. “I understand what you’re saying. But you…you’re
saying that as though it’s still possible. Like I might end up with a woman.”
Marc felt his heart start to hammer slightly and kept his eyes trained on the
HRC rider’s face. That’s it.. “Yeah.”
“Why?”
“No. Your turn now.” The Moto2 rider’s phone rang again and he actually picked
it up this time, listening to a greeting before calmly telling Emilio extremely
firmly that they would call when they were ready, stop calling, goodbye. He
looked back up at Dani and waited. “So?”
“Ok…honest?”
“Honest. You won’t scare me. I promise.”
Really. “Right. Well, I don’t think we should be talking about me and a
hypothetical life with a wife and kids. That’s not the situation. This is about
us, now. Who I am with you, who I am now, that’s a MotoGP rider in a
relationship with a man. So let’s forget about that. I love you.”
“I know that. I just didn’t want to make assumptions.”
Dani felt himself getting more and more irritated. “What are you getting at
here? Because it sounds like you’re saying that this will be over at some point
and I should leave myself a get out of jail free card so I can just forget
about it and move on.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” A flash of hurt crossed Marc’s face and he seemed
to shrink. “Obviously that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Well…what are you saying?”
“What are you asking?”
“I’m asking you why we’re even talking about this.”
“Like I said, I didn’t want to make assumptions.”
“What does that mean?!”
“I mean, I’m not going to assume what your plans are after next week or next
month or in 10 years. That has nothing to do with what I want.”
“I don’t understand any of this, at all. What?!”
“Honesty! I’m just throwing everything out there and seeing where we are, ok?
I’m not making a point, I’m trying to consider them all.”
“But how is this a point?!”
“Because I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow!”
“But why wouldn’t I be with you?”
Marc stared at him and suddenly looked tiny and terrified. “I don’t know. I
don’t know what’s going to happen. It was just something to think about.”
“Do you honestly think there is any chance of me settling down with a woman
after you?!” Do you think there will be an ‘after you’?!
“I DON’T KNOW. You tell me.”
Dani stared at him in complete shock. “What?!”
Nothing. Dani sighed and carried on.
“Ok, I’ll try this. When I say ‘I love you’, that means something, ok? And not
just ‘I feel like this right now’. It means I love you. And…”
“And?”
“And that’s not going to change.”
“It might.”
“It won’t. What the fuck is going on?! How did we end up in this conversation?!
I thought…I don’t know…I thought you knew that…I thought that was the whole
point of saying that out loud.”
“It is...”
For me.
Dani suddenly realised the problem and felt all the anger melt into relief. You
won’t scare me. That’s what he said. Inferring that he was thinking things that
were scaring himself. “Ok. Please, just tell me now…what do you see in 5 years?
Or in 1 year? Map out your life for me. Please.”
Marc seemed to sense the tone and nodded reluctantly, speaking more to himself
and the floor that to Dani. “Ok. I’m going to win the Moto2 Championship. Then
I want to ride for Honda. I want a Honda factory ride. I want to be world
champion. I want to be world champion more times than Valentino. I want to race
against him and I want to beat him.”
Dani watched how his face changed from nervous to suddenly focused and smiled
to himself despite the conversation. I think you will. But I meant personally.
“And personally…I want a house. I really want a house, actually. I thought that
this morning. I want somewhere that’s…mine. Or that is…shared…with someone I
really want to share it with.” His eyes flicked up to Dani for a millisecond
before he carried on. “I want to have somewhere to come home to that’s not
going to have changed since I left. I want everything to stay where I put it. I
want a garage. With posters and a huge tool kit twice as tall as me. All this
probably sounds stupid, but it’s important. I need that.”
“I know what you mean.” Dani frowned at him slightly and nodded. I never
realised how suffocated you felt. “And what about me?”
Marc sighed and shrugged. “That’s my point. It’s not up to me. It doesn’t
matter how much I want you, I can’t go out and buy you in a shop.”
He was so in control of everything. He was dealing with everything with sense
to spare... Dani sighed at him and got to his feet, sitting back on the sofa
and holding his hand out to get Marc to join him, which he did. “I am here now.
I will be here tomorrow. Maybe then I’ll be in Geneva. Indonesia, Malaysia,
Italy…but that doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change the fact that I love
you, and that I want you. And your garage, and your posters…You said before I
wouldn’t scare you, well…don’t be scared, but I would love to share that, ok?
That’s what I want. With you. For a long time. Forever if we both make it that
far…”
Marc stared at him, still dangerously unsure. “We’ve never talked about it. I
didn’t want to assume…”
“I know. I just realised.” He smiled at the nervous face in front of his and
nodded. “I only said this to myself.” He picked up his phone and passed it to
Marc. “Look at my internet history from today, when I was waiting for you, if
you want to know how serious I am.”
Marc frowned at him and Dani could see him considering the pornography joke and
dismissing it before opening the browser and scrolling down, eyes scanning the
page. He froze when he got there, closing his eyes and taking a huge gulp of
air before putting the phone back on the table, getting to his feet and walking
over to the patio door. He stared outside at the garden, which was completely
black; all the pool lights off. Dani watched him for a few seconds before
frowning as he opened the door and stepped outside, sitting down on the step
just in front of the door and wrapping his arms around his legs.
Did you see what I wanted you to see? He picked up the phone and saw what he’d
wanted him to see on there. Maybe I did scare you. He got to his feet and
walked a few paces over to the door, staring at Marc’s dimly lit back sitting
there in the dark. Maybe I terrified you. He walked to the door and stuck his
head out. “Hey.” It sounded so much louder outside mixed in with the noise of
the crickets, and he instinctively lowered his voice. “Are you ok?”
Marc nodded, but kept staring straight ahead.
Dani frowned at him and stepped outside properly, shadow hiding Marc from the
light. “I’m sorry if that was the wrong time. Did I scare you?”
Shake of the head.
Why aren’t you talking? He reached the younger rider and looked around him
slightly to see what was going on, deciding that he should probably just sit
there and wait for him to say something. “Hey.” He sat down next to him and
looked over; Marc seemed to feel his eyes on him and turned to him, eyes
brimming.
“Just give me a minute.”
Dani frowned at him and nodded. What... “Ok. You ok?”
Marc nodded and smiled to himself, sniffling slightly. “Oh, yeah. I’m good.” He
stared straight ahead and took a few deep breaths, fighting with his voice to
keep it measured. “I just need a minute.”
Dani nodded and mirrored his stare into the garden. “Ok. Sorry.”
Marc suddenly laughed and shook his head. “Don’t be sorry.” He sat there in
silence for a few more seconds before sighing and nodding to himself. “Ok. I’m
ok.”
Are you? “I didn’t mean to-“
“No.” Marc turned to him and shook his head, grabbing the HRC rider’s hand in
his and pulling him back up to his feet. “Let me explain.” He smiled at Dani’s
frown and Dani felt himself start to smile back, puzzled but happy to see that
back. “I’m not scared or freaked out. I’m relieved.” He suddenly laughed again
and sniffed. “I’m so relieved.”
“What?”
“Because I had a dream last night that I asked you to marry me and you said no!
And then you introduced me to your wife.”
Dani’s eyes widened and he just stared. “What?!”
“Yeah!” Marc laughed again and nodded. “And it wasn't a dream that came from
nowhere, ok?" He leaned in a bit closer and shrugged. "I love you. You know
that. I’m sure it’s going to be boring to spend time with us because we keep
fucking saying it, but…” He shared a knowing smile with Dani and nodded, words
picking up speed. “I love you. And like you said before, I mean it. All that
stuff I want, house, life…I want it with you and I always have and I have to
fucking pinch myself sometimes because you’re here and you’re telling me you
want it too. And somehow I believe you and then I start to doubt it until you
say it again…and then you show me that, and…” He shrugged helplessly and just
stared. “I just…I believe you now.”
Dani stared at him for a few seconds and felt his heart explode. “Oh.”
“So I’m quite relieved.” Marc grinned and shrugged with too much energy, all
the tension suddenly exploding and sending them both into laughter and tears at
the same time. He grinned as Dani grabbed him and squeezed before putting him
down and staring at him.
“I honestly thought you might be about to leave.”
Marc took a deep breath and shook his head. “No.” He stared back and shook his
head before grinning. "Be serious. I wouldn't leave you, would I?"
"You seem to think I'm amazing, and I don't really understand it."
Marc shrugged and grinned. "You don't have to. You just have to accept it."
"No. We'll never agree on this. You are definitely the one who should run off
with the supermodel."
Marc's eyes crinkled as he smiled and shook his head. "You're a fool."
Dani ran his thumbs under each of Marc's eyes to wipe off the tears and fake
glared at him. "See. You've changed your mind already."
"Hey, no-" Marc stopped and his smile faded as his phone suddenly started
ringing again from inside and they looked at each other wearily, both slightly
wild-eyed and delirious. “Fuck…yeah…we need to decide. Public or no public?”
Dani shrugged. “I don’t care. Let’s see what they say.”
Marc nodded and squeezed his hand. “Ok. Ready for this? It's going to be
interesting...”
"I know."
They walked back in, both wishing the moment could have stayed how it was for
just a few seconds longer, before the Moto2 rider turned round and grabbed
Dani's collar into a rough, serious kiss, underlining what had just happened.
He smiled to himself before letting go and grinning wickedly. "I feel like we'd
have the upper hand if we were naked."
"What?!"
"I'm serious. Take your clothes off and I'll put it on speakerphone."
Dani held his head in his hands for a few seconds in delighted exasperation.
That makes so little sense. He watched as Marc pulled off his t shirt and
dumped it on the floor, pressing the answer button and positioning the phone on
the table in front of them both, on speakerphone.
"Helloo..."
"Marc. What the fuck is going on."
The Catalunya Caixa rider looked back at Dani and grinned again, already
starting on his jeans. "Hi. How are you? We've just had a nice meal in
Barceloneta..."
"Don't fuck about-"
"You're on speaker with me and Dani. I'm going to call Alberto and add him to
the call, ok?"
There was an exasperated sigh and a muffled fine before another voice joined.
"Marc. What the fuck is going on. Where's Dani?"
"Hi. How are you? Dani's here. You're on speaker with us and Emilio and...is
Santi there?"
"Yes. I'm here."
"Good. So everyone can hear you."
There was a grumbled hello from each of the 3 on the phone as they greeted each
other, and Dani had to bite his hand to stop himself laughing. They sounded so
incredibly...disgruntled.
Marc was now only wearing boxers, and sat himself down in front of the phone,
smiling as Dani finally pulled off his t shirt and smiled at him in return. I
think you unlock that slightly crazy part of me that Alberto has spent years
trying to channel into calmness... The HRC rider sat down next to Marc and
leaned in towards the phone to speak.
"Hi. What did you want to talk about?"
***** Bring On The Night *****
Chapter Notes
     If anyone knows what those 2 chapter title references were, I either
     applaud or apologise ;)
     It's very dialogue heavy at the moment, but I'm getting to the next
     big boom...and the supporting cast is now dressed for rehearsal ;)
     THANK YOU for reading and commenting and generally making this much
     more fun to write than what I should be writing in my actual life <3
The question had eventually come from a very terse Alberto Puig. “Look. Is it
true or not?”
Dani and Marc looked at each other and smiled before Dani responded. They’d
essentially been having two separate conversations, Marc talking to his team
and Dani to Alberto, and the 3 men on the phone hadn’t said much to each other
past those first irritated hellos.
“Yes, it’s true.”
A string of expletives were bandied around before Santi’s voice eventually won.
“Is this a long time thing? Because we need to deal with it.”
“What do you mean, ‘deal with it’?”
“I mean, make a statement or see what you want to do. What do you want to do?”
Marc opened his mouth to reply before Alberto suddenly did it for him. “I think
that’s a question Dani should answer.”
Santi immediately huffed. “I don’t think so. I think it’s for both of them to
answer. And right now I’m just trying to consider Marc because of the situation
with his health-“
“Which is how they got caught in the first place.”
“The way you say ‘got caught’ makes it sound like you think they’re doing
something wrong.”
“That’s not what I mean. It’s just incredibly stupid. Especially for Dani. He’s
a MotoGP rider.”
Dani and Marc looked at each other and rolled their eyes, just waiting for the
bickering to stop, which it didn’t.
Emilio now. “Yes he is and soon Marc will be too. That’s worse if anything.
Dani is already recognized on his achievements. This could make Marc famous for
all the wrong reasons. His talent shouldn’t be overlooked.”
“That’s not worse. You think this would be as big as it is if it was just about
Marc?”
“It’s not a competition, Alberto. Nobody’s going to win. And no, it wouldn’t.
But remember he’s not at the top yet; I don’t want this getting in the way.”
Alberto started to reply before Dani coughed and they seemed to get the hint,
an uneasy silence coming from the phone.
“Ok, guys. Be quiet. There’s nothing to discuss. We’ve talked about it and as
much as we never intended it to happen, what can we do? We are in a
relationship and it’s serious and that’s all we need to say.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” Alberto. “And you’re both staying in my
house?”
“Yes, sorry. It’s been a crazy week, we were going to talk about telling people
tonight before this happened.”
“Why has it been a crazy week?”
“Like I said before,” Santi, “Marc’s having problems after the crash in Sepang.
That’s why Dani went to see him in the first place.”
Alberto stayed quiet for a second and then begrudgingly enquired. “Oh. Are you
ok, Marc?”
Marc looked at Dani and smiled. “Yeah, thanks. I’m getting better.”
Emilio again. “Are you?”
“Oh, yeah...We went to the clinic. Oh…photos. You know that. Anyway, I’m
getting better. We’ll talk about this another time, ok?”
“Ok. And good.”
Alberto again. “Ok, good. So what are you saying? That this is real, and you’re
not going to deny it?”
The two riders looked at each other and shrugged, both seemingly having
accepted that it would probably have to be that way. “Yeah.”
“Right. Like I said, I think that’s stupid. And I think you’re going to
completely damage both your careers and you’re making this much more
complicated than it should be.”
Marc frowned and watched Dani’s face for a reaction, which didn’t show much as
he responded. “Right. Well I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to seriously think about it. Seriously. Is it really that hard to
just use your head and just keep this quiet?”
“But we shouldn’t have to.”
“The world can be unfair. That doesn’t mean you have to make your own life more
difficult than you have to. You know that very well.”
“I think this conversation is over.” Dani looked at Marc and made a chopping
motion with his hand, trying to communicate to him that he wanted Alberto out
the call. Marc nodded and leaned over the screen, finger hovering for Dani to
give him the nod. “Bye, Alberto. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He nodded at Marc
and the Moto2 rider cringed as he hit the button and Alberto’s protestations
were cut off with a short beep. They stared at each other for a second,
wondering if it had worked and the other line was still connected. “Are you
still there, Monlau Base Camp?”
“Yes.”
“Good. So you’re going to say the same thing, right?”
“No.” Emilio sighed and a noise that sounded suspiciously like Santi opening a
beer echoed down the line. “Like we said, it’s just whether this will define
you or not. Don’t let it define you. You’re going to achieve a hell of a lot,
ok? And I don’t want them to talk about you because of this. I want them to
talk about you because you get a podium from 38th on the grid.”
The two riders looked at each other and smiled, Dani with some sort of pride,
Marc similar but directed at his mentor rather than himself. “I plan on giving
them a lot to talk about.”
“Wow. You ARE better.”
“He’s back, isn’t he?” Dani grinned at Marc’s reddening face.
“Sounds like it. I guess we have you to thank for that. I’m glad I sent you
that email.”
Dani cringed and looked at Marc as the younger rider stopped and frowned,
looking back at Dani to enquire what Emilio was talking about. Dani held up
both his hands to signal he would explain, but not right now, and decided
enough was enough. “Me too. Ok, we’re going to go now.”
They said their goodbyes and Marc pressed ‘end’ before sitting back on the sofa
and staring at Dani, eyebrows raised, waiting. “What was he talking about?”
“Don’t get mad.” Dani realised that wasn’t the best way to downplay it as Marc
immediately clenched his teeth and nodded.
“Right.”
“I just…I spoke to Emilio. When we were in Cervera. After what happened in the
car, like I said…I was terrified. So I wanted to know what was going on and I
didn’t want to push you because I didn’t want to make it worse. I wanted to try
and keep you away from it all if you wanted to be…”
He stared at Marc, trying to gauge the reaction and waiting for a question,
which didn’t come.
“And so…I spoke to him and he sent me your medical notes.”
Marc sat back and sighed. “Oh.” Not an ‘oh, is that all’, not an ‘oh, good’,
but not an ‘oh, you are a traitor’ either.
“Oh?” Dani cringed and held his breath.
“Oh.” Marc got up and stretched, Dani suddenly remembering their state of
undress and feeling a confusing mixture of lust, guilt and humour.
“Are you mad?”
Marc was now in the kitchen, opening cupboards and obviously looking for
something, before he froze. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.” He darted back over to the
living room and grabbed his phone off the table, immediately calling someone
and turning away from Dani whilst he waited for it to ring.
Is that your subconscious’s way of telling me to go away? Dani watched and
wondered who he was calling.
“Hi. It’s me. Yeah, yeah…listen, have you been online or seen anything…about
me?” The answer was obviously negative so Marc carried on. “Good. Ok. A
photographer got pictures of us togeth- Yes, I went, I’ll tell you in a
minute.” He sighed angrily and tapped his hand on his leg. “Just shut up and
listen! Thank you. Sorry. Ok, everyone knows. I wanted to warn you. But I need
to talk to Alex. Is he there?” A relieved sigh. “Pass him on, please. Thanks.”
Marc walked back over to the patio door whilst he was waiting for his brother
to come on the phone, opening the door and sitting outside exactly as he had
done before, leaving Dani looking at his back and wondering how he was going to
say it, still just within ear shot.
“Hello! – Yes, I’m ok…how are you? Good. – Did you do motocross in Montmeló?
Crash? - Haha, good! Well done. – No, I’m in Sitges with Dani. – Yeah, Dani
Pedrosa. – I know, cool, right?” He looked back round at Dani and smiled,
sadly, knowing he was about to change that image for his brother forever.
“That’s why I need to talk to you. – No, it’s nothing bad. I just wanted to
talk to you about it before anyone else told you. – You know before when we
talked about … that girl? - Yeah, exactly. And you remember what else I said? –
Yeah. That I thought guys were hot, too. – Good. Ok. Because…well, I wanted to
tell you. I…have a boyfriend now.” Marc suddenly went quiet and stopped
responding to anything, possibly because there was nothing being said to
respond to. “Alex?” Exactly. “Did you hear me? – Ok. Sure, ask whatever you
want. – Yes, a boyfriend. A serious boyfriend. – No, but you’ve met him before.
– Yes, you’ll like him!! Haha…do you not trust my taste? – Fair enough. Did mum
or dad say anything to you? – Good, ok. – Yeah, I told them when they got back.
– Not too bad. I think dad is ok with it. – You sure? – Ok, ok. Maybe you
guessed…yeah, it’s Dani.” Another long pause. “Yeah, Dani PEDROSA." Long pause.
"DON’T ASK ME THINGS LIKE THAT! Haha. – Yeah. – Really?! – Maybe you shouldn’t
say that right now. Just wait a while. Find out first, you know? – Exactly. –
Ok, yeah, me too. – Yeah, so…I’ll see you soon, ok? – Ok. Bye.”
Marc cancelled the call and sighed, getting back to his feet and turning round
to see Dani staring at him, almost proudly.
“What?”
“You’re a good big brother.”
“I try.” He smiled, warmly but not thrilled as Dani wanted him to be, and
shrugged. “It’s easy; you just watch Aleix and then repeat.”
Dani laughed and nodded. “Maybe. But that’s not what you just did.”
“Maybe not…” Marc grinned and shrugged again. “That was important. I wanted to
tell him. He’s actually ok with it. He asked me…he asked me if you were good in
bed.” He laughed and shrugged. “I didn’t answer that.”
“I know.”
Marc raised his eyebrows and nodded. “You seem to know everything.”
Here we go…do I deserve it? He felt his shoulders drop slightly and nodded in
defeat. “I knew that wasn’t over.” Would I do it again the same way?
“No, it’s really not.”
Yes. “I would do it again, the same. Like I said before, it wasn’t about
control; I was trying to help. Pick up the slack. I just wanted to know
everything.”
“Which I would have told you myself, if you’d asked.”
“Really.”
“Yes!”
“You would right now. And yesterday. But before? If I thought that then I would
have just asked. You were just running from it.”
“So when you asked Emilio, you knew I wouldn’t have told you.”
Dani sighed and realised he’d walked straight into it. “Yes. Fine. But this is
the Marc we’re trying to get back to, right? And he would have told me.”
“Would he?”
Dani frowned and shrugged in irritation. “Fine, maybe not.”
Marc suddenly sighed and shook his head. “Sorry. I would. I just don’t like the
idea of it…”
“I know.”
“And you didn’t tell me, not even after.”
“We were talking about something bigger.”
“Nothing is bigger than being honest.”
“Ok, fine. True. Being honest, I would do it again because it was the right
thing to do and it helped.”
Marc leant on the kitchen counter and suddenly let out an argghhhhhh!!. “I
KNOW.” He stared down at the polished surface and rolled his shoulders, which
made Dani’s hair stand on end. “I know that. I’m sorry. I trust you. I’m
just…not used to trusting people. Ok, no…I trust my parents to love me, but I
don’t trust them to let me…be. I’m trying.”
Dani nodded and walked over to face him over the kitchen island. “I know. Me
too. Did I do the right thing?”
Marc shrugged helplessly and nodded. “Probably yeah. Which I hate to admit.” He
looked up and locked eyes with the HRC rider. “I keep forgetting that I trust
you! If that makes sense.”
Dani frowned and smiled at him. “What?”
“I just keep reacting like I would if it was them. I’m sorry. I’m trying.”
“That’s ok...?”
Marc smiled wearily and nodded. “I’m just worried…that you think this is
immature. And I keep doing it.”
Dani rolled his eyes and held his hands up. “Truce. Everybody is sorry,
everybody loves everybody…now let’s forget everything for a few hours, get some
sleep, and then deal with it tomorrow.”
Marc smiled and nodded, shoulders relaxing and lowering a few inches. “Sounds
good. But do need to talk about what we’re doing.”
“In what way?”
“You can’t stay here forever dealing with me.”
“Ah.” Dani slid onto a bar stool and nodded. “You mean that.”
“Yeah. Did we decide to move in together earlier?”
“I think we did.” Dani smiled and shrugged. “So let’s just do that.”
Marc stared at him and started to slowly grin. “Like…now?!”
Dani shrugged and nodded. “Yeah?”
Marc suddenly looked like his fuse had been lit. “Ok! Where?”
“You want to move in with me? I own my house, and I know you said you wanted
somewhere that was yours…but…we can change whatever you want. Anything.”
Marc smiled at him and nodded. “You know I didn’t mean 'mine'…I just meant
‘ours’.”
Dani nodded in return. “I know.”
Move to Geneva. Move in with Dani. Move to Geneva… “My mother is going to love
this.” Marc laughed wickedly and walked around to the MotoGP rider, standing
behind where he was sat and wrapping his arms round him. “I’ll start sorting it
out in the morning.”
Dani nodded and turned the stool round to face him. “Sounds like a plan.”
“Ok. So…what do you want to do? Watch TV? Gran Dictat? I'll beat you.”
Dani shrugged. “Not really. And you wouldn't.”
“Me neither. What about a run? And I would.”
“It’s dark.” Dani pouted at him slightly, eyes twinkling. “There are other
things we could do…”
Marc laughed and wagged his finger at him. “We will. But come on. Run on the
beach.”
Dani looked outside and then back at Marc’s expectant face. “Ok. Run on the
beach...”
“And a shower. And then sex.”
“And a shower, and then sex. I will write it in my diary.”
Marc laughed as Dani's phone started to ring again and he sighed, pulling it
out to see who it was. His eyes widened in reasonably pleasant and curious
surprise as he held the screen up for Marc to see.
"Why do you have his number? Why does he have YOUR number?!"
He'd blurted it out without really thinking and also made himself laugh with
the petulantly jealous tone.
Dani raised his eyebrows and grinned. "Wouldn't you like to know..?"
"Not funny."
"Oh, but it is." He grinned and put the phone down on the counter. "I'll call
him back after the run."
"Oh, you will?"
"Yeah, I will." Dani glared at him good naturedly and pointed upstairs. "GO AND
GET READY."
Marc stared at him and then grinned. "I would, but my stuff's there." He
pointed across to his bag on the sofa and shrugged. "So..."
"Fine. GO AND GET READY." Different direction.
"Yes, sirrrrr."
***** Chosen *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm sticking with these chapter titles for a while...I'm enjoying
     them too much ;)
     So...it's another one where pressing 'post' terrifies me....enjoy?
     Espero que si.
Dani won the race that the run had turned into, which he would expect to, given
the fact that he was a MotoGP rider, and hadn’t had any major health problems
that had left him sitting inside and drinking his troubles away. But Marc did
ok. Which of course wasn’t good enough and had left him frustrated.
When they got back to the house, Dani took their workout clothes and put them
in the washing machine, which Marc obviously didn’t think about, and that left
Dani considering what that would be like to live with. He does wash up. And he
makes drinks, and he can cook. So it’s probably because this is the last thing
someone else still does for him. His mother. But is that because he doesn’t
want to or because she does? He smiled to himself as Marc wolf whistled from
the top of the stairs and the sound of the shower started.
“Shower!!”
“Ok, I’m coming…”
“You will be!”
Dani grinned to himself and stopped in the bathroom doorway to look at him. It
was a wet room, and Marc was stood under the shower at the far end, eyes
closed, back to Dani, every muscle glistening under the water running over him.
He was humming to himself slightly and then ran his hands through his hair,
making sure it was soaked before he grabbed the bottle of shampoo and turned
round to see where Dani was.
“Oh. Pervert.”
The older rider smiled and shook his head. “I just like modern art.”
Marc tried to find a witty response and ended up blushing instead. “Don’t make
me feel self-conscious.”
“You never, ever need to be self-conscious. For a start, you are so beautiful.
And secondly, that doesn’t even matter.” The HRC rider grinned at him and
pulled off his boxers as he neared him, Marc smiling, still blushing, and
holding his hand out to motion Dani over.
“Stop it.”
“No.” Dani pressed his lips against the younger rider’s and felt himself shiver
as his skin brushed against Marc’s, the water droplets having cooled on his
skin and now seeming cold. He gently pushed Marc back under the water and
smiled as his eyes closed and mouth grinned, water flowing down over him. Dani
kissed him again and felt the water let him in, now cocooning them both as
Marc’s hands wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer, pressing him
against himself, biting Dani’s bottom lip gently and then pulling away behind
the water to look at him, taking a deep breath. Dani washed his hair as the
younger rider watched, fascinated and preoccupied at the same time. Eventually
Dani realised why.
“You never called him back.”
Dani smiled and joined him on the other side of the waterfall, raising his
eyebrows as he backed the younger rider up to the wall. “I’m sure he can wait.”
Marc shivered as his back made contact with the cold tiles. “Can he?”
Dani smiled and shook his head. “Yes. He can wait.”
“Good.” Marc grinned and wrapped his arms around Dani’s neck. “I’m trying not
to be jealous…It’s hard.”
Dani looked down between them and nodded solemnly. “We both are.”
Marc laughed and nodded. “You noticed.”
“I did.”
They stood there in silence for a few seconds before Dani reached behind him
and grabbed the shampoo, squeezing some into his hand behind Marc’s back and
then lathering Marc’s hair, the younger rider staring into his eyes suddenly so
vulnerable compared to the moments before he’d known Dani was there. Of all the
people I have slept with, you absolutely do not need to be jealous of him. You
don’t need to be jealous of anyone, but especially not him.
Marc kept staring at him as he massaged the shampoo before closing his eyes and
moaning slightly as Dani pulled him forward gently under the water.
“That’s so good.”
A shiver went down Dani’s spine as the words hit him, hands still massaging
Marc’s hair and rinsing the shampoo away. That’s why I’m doing it. He watched
Marc lost in some sort of trance almost, just relaxed under the water and
completely trusting. He leaned closer to the Moto2 rider’s ear and lowered his
voice. “You ok?”
Marc nodded, eyes still shut. “Mm. Keep going.” Don’t make me ask. “I just
need-”
Ah. “Shhh.” The older rider pressed a finger to his lips and nodded, although
Marc couldn’t see him. “I understand.” He was on shower gel now, palms gently
pressed against Marc’s chest massaging in little circles, moving further out
until he was massaging his shoulders and tracing his collarbone. “It’s starting
to sink in.”
Marc nodded again, opening his eyes and locking his gaze with Dani’s. “When are
you leaving?”
Dani stopped and stared back at him. I didn’t want to tell you… “Tomorrow. I
have to.”
Marc took a sharp intake of breath and nodded, closing his eyes again. “Same 6
o'clock flight?”
“Yeah.”
Dani’s hands started moving again and he pressed his forehead against Marc’s as
he traced around the Catalunya Caixa rider’s hips and started on his back. Marc
tilted his head down and traced Dani’s lips with his tongue, ending with a kiss
that lingered as he spoke again, vibrations humming through Dani like
electricity. “Ok.”
It’s really not. Dani pulled him back under the water and rinsed the shower gel
away. But I’ll play along. “You’re going to be fine, you know?”
Marc mumbled a non-committed ‘mmm’, eyes still closed.
“Look at me.” Dani tilted the younger rider’s chin gently and waited for him to
open his eyes, an exact copy of the moment in the car, the photograph of which
was now public property, that fact lost on neither of them. Marc opened his
eyes. “You are going to be fine. Mainly because you are Marc Márquez and that
means something. A lot. But also because there’s a house in Switzerland waiting
for you to go home to it. And it’s not going to be very happy if you don’t turn
up.”
Marc smiled at him, sadly and vulnerably but full of gratitude and excitement.
“How do you say things like that?”
“Shall I let you into a secret?” Dani’s finger traced a line down Marc’s
stomach before he gently took Marc’s cock into his hand, eyes still burning
into the Moto2 rider’s. “It’s much harder to not say things like that. When you
feel them, and you can’t let them out.”
Marc bit his lip as his breathing got shallower; Dani’s hand starting to move,
torturously slowly. “I know…what...you…MEAN.” He finally gave up on trying to
control himself and moaned as he sank his teeth gently into Dani’s shoulder,
leaning against him and feeling himself helplessly thrust into his hand. Dani
pressed a kiss into the crook of his neck and rubbed his thumb over the tip,
intoxicated by the almost inaudible noises escaping Marc’s mouth, and by the
way the younger rider just let himself go completely as soon as Dani was ready
to catch him. And it doesn’t feel like I’m taking control. It’s not that
simple. Marc’s lips found his and kissed him again, really kissed him, tongue
forcing its way in and trying to communicate everything. It’s almost like it’s
an honour. To have thiscreationjust let himself... Dani shut his brain off and
concentrated on the task ahead of him: translating that thought into actions
that Marc would understand.
He reached behind them with his free hand and turned the shower off, the
absence of water making Marc stop and open his eyes to see what the older rider
was doing. Dani grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Marc’s shoulders, almost
physically licking his lips in response to watching the drops of water trickle
down the Moto2 rider’s face. “Bed.”
Marc nodded and stayed perfectly still as Dani dried him off, watching him do
the same to himself and then following him back into the bedroom, head whirling
with how, in one day, it had gone from an abstract idea – a room like this of
their own – to an imminent reality. And that’s why I still had doubts. That’s
why it still seems like a dream. Because I haven’t had to do anything for it.
There’s no training, there’s no grid, no race, no overtake I have to do to get
it. It’s free for whoever he gives it to. And he chose me. He let Dani lie him
down on the bed and grinned. He chose me.
Dani hovered his face close above Marc’s, younger rider lying just beneath him
on the bed, and smiled back at him. “The next time we do this will probably be
in Switzerland.”
Marc smiled back and nodded. “That’s what I was thinking.” Along with other
things...
Dani pressed his lips against Marc’s neck and made little circles of eight with
his tongue, moaning into it as he felt Marc squirm underneath him, responding
first to the feeling and then to the sound of Dani’s voice humming over his
skin. The older rider traced the path back up to Marc’s mouth and let himself
relax onto him, sliding against each other, Marc wrapping his legs around Dani
and arching his back slightly, chin tilted to the ceiling, Dani running his
tongue down his exposed neck in response, making Marc’s hips buck against him
and them both groan.
“More.” Marc panted against Dani’s cheek and then kissed him, biting his lip
and holding on longer than he should have as he pulled away. “Please…”
The hair on the back of Dani’s neck stood up and he wondered if that simple
word coming from those lips would ever lose its effect, nodding into the kiss
and kissing a line down to his crotch, tongue tracing his cock to the tip and
circling, Marc’s hips straining against him and silently begging for more. Dani
took him into his mouth, slowly pulling back and circling again, hearing the
soft thud as Marc’s hand slammed into the mattress and grabbed a handful of
sheet, repeating the action and rotating his head in time with how Marc was
squirming, the noise he was making setting Dani on fire with the need to feel
him around him, feel like he was connected to him. He raised his head and drank
in the sight of Marc’s eyes glistening back at him, big black pools of lust,
before gently moving his hand further back and pushing one finger inside,
slowly and carefully, feeling the muscles in his own groin try and snap as he
watched the Moto2 rider’s eyes roll back in his head and that head hit the
pillow.
Marc moaned again, Dani’s finger finding the spot and making his breath come
out in short, sharp gasps, both hands now tangled in the sheets, legs twitching
as he tried to control himself. Dani wondered, as he did every time, how he
would manage to last more than 10 seconds inside him. But he would. He added
another finger and felt Marc pushing against him, desperate for more, desperate
for everything, already, now breathing in time with Dani’s movements.
The HRC rider gently licked around him in a little circle, sending Marc’s
breath back to jagged gasping and whimpering, and then slowly pushed himself
inside, even just that first feeling almost enough to make him want to give up
and give in to it, and not control himself. Marc moved with him, hands now
clawing at Dani’s back as they were back face to face, lips connected and
finding that slow, deliciously torturous rhythm, feeling every millimeter of
movement, grazing against Dani’s stomach, feeling the pressure slowly start to
build, noticing how it didn’t feel new anymore, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t,
if anything, even better than before. They each lost a little bit of control
each time they moved, each extra moan triggering the next one, until Dani felt
Marc’s breath catch and knew he could finally give in.
They collapsed and the Moto2 rider stared at the ceiling for a few minutes
before he felt like his limbs could move, responding to Dani’s kisses with a
little smile and lots of ‘mmmm’, feeling like jelly and elastic. “We really
need another shower...”
“Maybe later…” Dani smiled at him and nodded before suddenly finding himself
pinned down under Marc and staring up at him. “Again?!”
The Monlau rider grinned wickedly and then shook his head. “Not quite. Yet.”
Dani started to ask him what he meant before Marc’s tongue traced his belly
button, kissing and cleaning off his stomach in lieu of another shower at the
same time. He relaxed into the bed and ran his fingers through Marc’s hair. Oh.
The younger rider’s lips connected to his again and his tongue swirled around
Dani’s, sharing the taste. Like when I cooked pasta in Cervera… He laughed at
himself and ran his hand down Marc’s back, feeling the skin shiver under his
fingertips, the Moto2 rider curling himself around Dani and lying his head on
his chest.
Maybe not quite the same…
***** Revelations *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry I got erratic with posting, I've been busy and too tired to
     write when I normally do!
     I now have a few days off...I'm hoping we'll get a lot further by
     Tuesday... :)
     And we're pretending that Dani/everyone used twitter back in the day
     ;)
     Thank you!!
He’d gone downstairs for a drink. Marc had followed. Then they’d had to
guiltily wipe bodily fluids off the kitchen counter, decided that actually they
did need another shower, and then finally were lying in bed, staring at the
ceiling.
“I’m going to call him.”
Marc half turned over and stared. “Now?! It’s late.”
“He’ll be up for another few hours.”
“You know that?”
“Everybody knows that.”
Marc pouted and stared. “I didn’t…”
“Don’t you dare make this a bigger thing than it is.”
“Is it?” Marc smiled wickedly and raised his eyebrows. “Big?”
Dani rolled his eyes and kissed him on the forehead as he sat up. “Huge.”
Marc gulped and his eyes widened. “Really?! I kind of expected that…”
Dani whipped his head back around and frowned. “You thought about it?!”
Marc smiled guiltily. “Maybe…once…or twice…” And a lot more times when I was
14.
Dani’s mouth dropped open. “What?!”
“What?! I’m gay, he’s hot.”
“He is.” Dani made a guilty face as Marc smacked him on the arm. “But not as
hot as you, don’t worry. And I lied before.” He suddenly pulled the sheet off
Marc and stared down at him. “He’s not that impressive.”
Marc looked up, all puppy dog eyes. “Am I…impressive?”
“Don’t. We have to sleep.”
Marc laughed and turned to lying flat again, pulling the sheet back up to his
waist. “Sorry. We do. After phone calls, apparently…”
Dani sighed and picked up his phone. “Yeah. So be quiet.” He opened the missed
calls list and pressed dial, turning to Marc in a ‘shhhh’ signal. The ringing
lasted a few seconds longer than he’d wanted and Dani suddenly wondered what he
was going to say. ’Hi…are you ringing because I’m gay?’
“Dani. You called back...”
“Hi.”
“How are you?”
“Ok. How are you?”
“I’m good. I saw what was in the news…”
Ah. “Yeah. I thought that might be why you called.”
“Can I not call you for no reason?!”
“You know what I mean.”
Vale laughed and Dani could hear him nodding. “I do. So…you know I want to ask
if it’s true, yeah?”
Dani looked at Marc and smiled. “It’s true.”
Vale laughed again and then apologized. “Sorry. It’s because nobody believed me
when I said I believed it.”
Dani laughed slightly too and curiously wondered who had been the other halves
of that conversation. “I think for you maybe it’s easier to believe.”
“True! You don’t need to remind me, tesoro. Are you with him now?”
“Yeah.” Don’t. Dani risked a look at Marc, knowing he was being stared at and
wondering if the cerverina had heard the word Vale had used. Probably not…
“You are serious?”
“Yeah. He’s moving to Geneva with me.” Dani noticed Marc’s exasperated huff and
shrugged at him. What?!
“Ah. Ok. It’s going to be a little crazy, you know?”
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
“Good. Ok. And you’re…does…have you talked about me?”
Ah. I see. “You mean with Marc? Or in public?” Marc’s eyes widened and Dani
rolled his. Sure, you keep pretending you’re reading that magazine…
“Both.”
“With Marc, yes.” He heard Vale take a quick breath and carried on. “But nobody
else. And I won’t.”
“Ok. Thank you. I hope it is all ok. I’ll see you at the test?”
“You will. Bye..”
“Bye.”
Dani cancelled the call and stared at the phone for a few seconds.It’s so
strange to talk to you now. A few years ago that conversation would have been
hours. And I would have been grinning ear to ear. He put the phone down and
looked back at Marc, who was still pretending he was reading the magazine. “For
a start, you don’t speak French.” Dani pulled it from his grip and wagged it at
him. “And what were you so stressed about?!”
“You told him I was moving to Geneva.”
“Yeah?”
“Well…is he the best person to tell?!”
“He’s not going to say anything, is he? There’s plenty I could say in return,
anyway.” Dani raised his eyebrows and smiled at Marc’s pout. “That’s why he
called, I think. Checking his secret was safe…”
Marc grabbed the magazine back and straightened it out. “I’m not interested.”
You really are. Dani laughed at him and threw the magazine across the room,
mimicking the angry shock that appeared on Marc’s face. “Oh, sorry…were you
reading that?”
Marc glared at him and then turned round and turned the light off, turning over
and huffing. “No. I don’t speak French.”
Dani nodded to himself and stared out the window for a minute, trying to get
his head around the idea of going home, before he snuggled down next to Marc
and kissed the center of his back. “I know.”
He worried the younger rider was actually furious for a few seconds, before he
turned over again and ran his hand down Dani’s arm.
“You going to sleep tonight? Or lie there and worry?”
Dani smiled at him and leaned in. “Sleep.”
“Good.”
I will try my absolute best to do the same.
*
“Ok…so…ready?”
Dani nodded and Marc held up the screen. “So far you’ve been trending since we
woke up. I seem to pop up and then disappear. Some good, some bad…mainly a lot
of people wanting to know if it’s true. So…what do you want to do? Do you want
to just stay quiet and let them guess, or…announce it?”
Dani rubbed his hands over his face and shrugged. “I don’t know…I feel like
announcing it is weird, but also might make it die down faster. Or at least,
let us go out in public and know that people know…”
“Me too.” Marc scrolled through his mentions and smiled to himself. “Got some
funny ones from riders.”
“Who?!”
“Last night Andrea Iannone said ‘Bravo @marcmarquez93 and @26_DaniPedrosa is
good see honest!!!’ So he believes it I guess?! Aleix Espargaro, ‘¡¡Que
locura!! ?? Hey @26_DaniPedrosa y @marcmarquez93 es verdad o ¿qué?’ oooh ha!
Pol replied to him. ‘No digas nada, ey?….esperamos …’. Nico Terol said ‘No lo
creo…lo de @marcmarquez93… BROMA.’ OOH!” Marc looked up at Dani and widened his
eyes. “Nicky Hayden said, ‘Hey @26_DaniPedrosa, something you want to tell us??
Haha…you should put us out our misery…or the press should… ;)
#dontbelievewhatyouread’.”
Hearing the reactions of real people was making it somehow real. “Ok. Stop. We
need to say something don’t we?”
“Yeah probably.” Marc’s eyes scanned through the ‘all mentions’ again and
frowned. "Quite a lot of homophobia. And I lost about 2,000 followers." He
smiled and shrugged. “There are a lot of broken female hearts here begging for
it not to be true.”
Dani laughed to himself and shrugged. “We are pretty amazing…”
“Exactly.” Marc started to put the phone down before his eyes widened and he
pressed something. “Jorge Lorenzo…”
Dani snapped his eyes back up. “Yeah?”
“It’s a picture, hang on…” Marc growled at the phone. “LOAD.” Another couple of
seconds passed before he raised his eyebrows and turned the phone round so Dani
could see. “Quote.”
Do not judge people you do not know. Love is the game that two can play and
both can win.
Dani allowed himself a wry smile. Typical. What happened to the angry little
shit who used to take great pleasure in annoying me? “Retweet it.” Same thing
that happened to the petulant little shit who wouldn’t shake his hand. We grew
up.
Marc stared at him. “Really?!”
“We have to announce it…”
“But that’s just going to make it worse unless we actually say ‘YES, WE’RE
GAY.’”
Dani sighed and nodded. “Ok. Probably true…ok.” He took the phone and put it
down. “Let’s do it.”
Marc grinned at him, excited and terrified at the same time. “Really?”
“Yeah. I have an idea…”
“I’m listening.”
“Ok…how about we make a video of one of us saying ‘Hi, just wanted to talk
about the rumours that are going round’ or something similar…and the other
films it, then we turn the camera round and that one says ‘It’s true. Thank you
for your support.’ Then no one can twist what we’re saying…”
Marc’s eyes lit up. “Ha! I like the…game. Keep the suspense…” He laughed and
shrugged. “Make the most of it, right?”
Dani nodded. “And then I’m retweeting that Lorenzo quote.”
“Get a room.”
“It’s so good, though…please?”
Marc stopped and stared. “Are you actually asking me for permission?!”
Dani suddenly frowned and then grinned. “Yeah.”
“Ok, fine!” I may be jealous of Vale, but I don’t think I need to be jealous of
him?! Marc grabbed his phone again and held it up. “Me or you filming?”
“Me. If you like the show of it, it would be funnier having you explain with a
straight face, then me turn the camera around…”
Marc nodded and grinned. “Done.”
Dani took a deep breath and tried to share Marc’s mischievous smile. “Right.
Let’s do it.”
*
They went through it too many times to count before they thought they’d
actually got it right enough to film, and then filmed it as many times again
and chose the best one. Marc had completely nailed the solemnity and
seriousness, and they were waiting for it to upload to Marc’s account. Which
was taking a while.
Dani logged in on his own phone and scrolled through the mentions before
getting too overwhelmed and going back to the ‘people you know’ thread. Some of
the tweets Marc had mentioned were there, and then ‘One New Interaction’ popped
up at the top.
@calcrutchlow hey @26_DaniPedrosa …do I need to be jealous?
Dani cringed but laughed to himself, Marc looking up and raising an eyebrow.
“What?”
“Cal. He asked me if he needs to be jealous.”
“See? Most people are fine with it!”
“But what if he’s only joking because he thinks it’s not true?”
Marc frowned at his screen and then held it up. “We’re about to find out…”
Dani nodded and took a deep breath. “Ok….” Marc’s finger hovered above the
phone. “3…2…1…” He pressed it carefully and narrowed his eyes like he was
waiting for a bomb blast. Dani immediately retweeted it and then went back onto
Jorge and retweeted that quote, ‘Marc Marquez retweeted one of your retweets!’
immediately appearing one his screen.
“Stop it.”
“What?!”
“Let’s leave it now, wait a few minutes…”
“Don’t you want to watch everything go boom?!” Marc wiggled his eyebrows and
grinned. “This is the only fun part of it…”
Dani sighed and sat back on the sofa, shoulder to shoulder with the younger
rider. “You really want to see everything?”
“Yeah.” They stared at each other for a few seconds and smiled, Marc eventually
shrugging at him. “What?”
“Just…this.”
“I know.” Marc leaned in and performed a quick miracle in a kiss before he went
back to his phone, scrolling through with appropriate facial expressions until
he looked up again. “I guess they’ve had time to watch it now…” He looked down
again and smiled to himself. “Ooh! Jorge retweeted it.”
Dani rolled his eyes and picked up his phone. “Alright, fine. Let’s just dive
in.” He went back to Cal’s tweet and replied, feeling a strange mixture of
complete freedom and being trapped at the same time. It's not this easy face to
face. In an airport, on a train, at the track, in a press conference, in the
pits, at events... He took a deep breath and tried to remind himself to tackle
one hurdle at a time, and make the best of every one.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @calcrutchlow sorry Cal, you DO need to be jealous!!
Marc laughed as he saw it pop up and looked across at Dani. “This isn’t just a
little bit fun?”
Dani pouted at him and then smiled. “Maybe a little. It’s outside I’m worried
about.”
“I know.” Marc kissed him on the cheek and smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m completely
terrified.”
“Good.” I know you are. And that terrifies ME. Dani stuck out his tongue to try
and keep the mood light and looked back at the screen. “Cal replied…” He felt
himself smile as he read it. These aren’t the people I need to worry about.
“@calcrutchlow: @26_DaniPedrosa Didn’t expect that haha! Happy for you!
@marcmarquez93 look after him! ;).”
Marc smiled at him. “Told you…ooh! Alex retweeted it. Which is probably how my
parents are about to find out…” He cringed and shrugged. “I keep…forgetting to
tell them.”
Dani shrugged in response and nodded. “I think after the other day, you did
enough.”
“Yeah, I agree…Ooh Espargaros! Aleix retweeted it…ha, Pol replied ‘Brave
@marcmarquez93 !!!’” Marc grinned wickedly and tapped the screen.
@marcmarquez93: @PolEspargaro thanks! Jajaja ;) besitos…
Dani frowned at him in amused disapproval. “Don't tease!" Marc grinned
innocently, to which Dani frowned then suddenly held his phone up. "Was
everyone just sat there waiting for this?!”
“Seems like it!” Marc laughed as more appeared. “’@ValeYellow46: Bravo
@marcmarquez93 @26_DaniPedrosa…! Honesty!’ We are now the top two trending
topics in Spain…” Marc retweeted it and smiled as ‘Dani Pedrosa retweeted one
of your retweets’ popped up. "The irony of that kills me."
Dani laughed and nodded. True. “Ooh...another one… ‘@Official_CS27: Hey
@26_DaniPedrosa I was going to ask if you’d been hacked…but there’s video
evidence! Happy for you! :) See you in Sepang!’”
@26_DaniPedrosa: @Official_CS27 thanks mate! :)
“Ok all I see now is everyone in Moto2 retweeting Vale.” Marc laughed to
himself and shook his head. “I guess that’s easier than coming up with your own
response…”
“Yeah, exactly.” Dani’s finger hovered as he wondered whether to send what he’d
just typed, eventually just deciding to take the plunge.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @lorenzo99 gracias… ¡buena cita! Hasta Sepang… #round2
He laughed as a reply immediately appeared. They really are hanging around
waiting.
@lorenzo99: @26_DaniPedrosa ¡de nada! Pero creo que será
#roundheperdidolacuenta, ¿no? ;)
@26_DaniPedrosa: @lorenzo99 tienes razón. ¿Cómo siempre? No.. Jaja
@lorenzo99: @26_DaniPedrosa jaja ¡lo retiro!
Dani suddenly sat back and put his phone down, Marc taking a few seconds before
noticing and frowning at him. “You ok?”
The HRC rider nodded mutely and tried to stop his brain playing through all the
memories. Jorge always did that, and Casey to some extent. They made him think
about time and where he was and what he’d achieved, what he still wanted to
achieve. They made him remember he was still the kid who had won those
championships; the kid who had refused a handshake; the kid who was Dani before
he was ‘Dani Pedrosa Repsol Honda Team HRC MotoGP Rider’. Vale was different.
Somehow, Valentino always made him remember how naïve he’d been. Not that the
Italian had done anything wrong, that would be unfair. But it hadn’t just been
fun for the Sabadell native and he’d never look back on it as ‘just fun’. It
would always be a lesson.
“Yeah. I just…realised that this might actually be ok. With them.” And realised
why I am so sensitive about your age and this situation.
Marc nodded to himself, finished typing, then put his phone down. “I know what
you mean.” He sighed and grabbed Dani’s hand, walking over to the patio door
dragging him behind, understanding he probably needed some distance, and seeing
that extra little bit of frown.
“Let’s take a break.”
How many hours do we have left now before we leave? 5?
***** Bargaining *****
Chapter Notes
     Ok so I thought of this idea and loved it. Then I worried about it,
     because it felt like more of a suspension of belief ... but then I
     realised that meant that I would be unsurprised if the rest of it
     happened? Which is not strictly true... ;)
     So here we go. <3
     And, sorry if these are your phone numbers. ;)
     And there is a mention of something very upsetting. Just FYI, and not
     sarcastically.
“Dani.”
The HRC rider looked up and frowned. You never use my name… “Yeah?”
Marc was staring at him, a mixture of hope, fear and nerves. “I want to come to
the airport.”
Oh. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He watched as Marc put down the salad
he was dressing with irritating professionalism. “You’d be stuck.”
“I know.” The Moto2 rider nodded and looked down into the bowl in front of him.
“I don’t care. I have to go out and be seen at some point. And I
think…actually, it would be a good idea. Because you’re there.”
“I see what you mean.” Dani felt his chest constrict slightly as he considered
the coming reality: he was going to be alone. With parents that weren’t going
to be able to help, or rather that he wouldn't let them, and a brother who
wouldn’t probably understand why drinking was bad. Or why it was in this
scenario. “But how would you leave? Taxi? Get someone to pick you up? I need to
take the car back and you can’t drive. Legally. Or ride. Safely.”
“I know.” Marc nodded and shrugged. “I don’t have a plan, I’m just saying what
I want to happen.”
And you know that my reaction to that is the same as yours. ‘There must be a
solution.’ “Ok. Sure?”
Marc looked at him in shock. “Really? You’re ok with it.”
Dani smiled at him and nodded. “It’s not up to me.”
No…I guess it isn’t. Marc grinned and cocked his head to one side slightly,
suddenly realizing that was true. “Hmm. Right…well that was easier than I
expected!”
Dani laughed and shrugged at him. “Like I sai-“
“Yeah, I know.” Marc went back to the salad and smiled. “I know.”
“So…we go together. Then what? Taxi?”
Marc shook his head and frowned. “No. Someone picking me up would be better.
Someone who will drive me away fairly quickly.”
“I guess you don’t want your parents?”
Shake of the head.
Right. “So…Emilio or Santi or someone from the team?”
Shake of the head. “Everyone’s testing in Jerez tomorrow. They’ve gone.”
Right. “Ok, any more ideas?”
Marc shook his head again and shrugged. “No. So I guess it will have to be a
taxi. I just imagine getting stopped in traffic or something…or even at the
airport…getting chased.”
“I know what you mean.” Dani watched as the younger rider drizzled olive oil in
a neat spiral and smiled. Talent. “I don’t know, then. Does anybody owe you a
favour?”
The second the words left his mouth he realised that someone owed him a favour.
But is that a real thing? Something I ever intended to actually ask for? He
frowned and chewed his lip slightly as he watched Marc shake his head in defeat
in answer to the question. Is that something he actually meant when he said ‘I
owe you. No, honestly…just tell me if I can pay you back at some point’? Is the
answer to that question the fact that I’m even having to ask myself that? Or,
is that just 250cc Pedrosa being too mistrusting? He looked back at Marc and
considered finally whether it was something that he would be ok with. Assuming
he says yes, assuming I ask…would you do that? “I have an idea.”
Marc looked up and smiled. “Yeah?”
“You may not like it.”
He frowned and stopped. “Now I’m worried.”
“No, you don’t need to worry. You’d just…I don’t know. It would be weird.”
“Right…” Marc raised an eyebrow and shrugged. “So..?”
Dani pulled out his phone and tapped it a few times trying to decide. “Let me
see if it would work, first.”
Marc glared at him slightly and nodded, suspicious. “Ok.”
Ok…well I don’t have your phone number…do I?! He went through his phone book
and frowned. No. So maybe this won’t work, without a ridiculous amount of
phoning and hassle and questions. He gestured at Marc to carry on and stop
staring at him as he stared down at his phone. Actually…this could be easy. He
opened Twitter and shielded his eyes from the white noise before looking at his
own profile and scrolling to find the link. I think he does…doesn’t he?! He
clicked on it and crossed his fingers.
Follows you.
YES. “Direct message!” He shut his mouth quickly and looked guiltily back up at
Marc, who was looking at him very suspiciously. “Just ignore me.”
“Hmm.” He frowned and got out two plates. “I don’t even want to know. Just…not
Vale. I’m guessing it won’t be, anyway..?”
“No! Not Vale. That would be a really bad idea.”
“Oh, would it?” Marc stared at him, waiting. “Why?”
Dani went a bit red and shrugged. “Because…history.”
“I don’t have history with him.”
“I don’t trust him. I like him, but I don’t trust him. Not with…” Dani sighed
and shrugged in defeat. Not with you. “…this.”
“But you trust me.”
“Yes.” He locked eyes with the Moto2 rider and nodded. “I trust you. It’s not
about…that. I promise. It’s just…if something happens to you…I don’t know. But
it makes me uncomfortable.”
Marc seemed to accept that and searched his eyes for any further explanation.
“Oh…ok. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise. It probably sounds a bit strange…”
“No, it’s ok.” Marc walked forward and put the plate in front of Dani with a
flourish. You’ll have to explain that to me at some point. “Voila.”
“Merci.”
“De riens.”
Dani narrowed his eyes and smiled. “Were you actually reading that magazine
last night?”
“No.” Marc stabbed a bit of pepper on a fork and held it up to the older rider,
Dani knowing his eyes were communicating a little bit too much information
about how much he was enjoying that. He took it and kept the eye contact
burning for a few seconds longer before he just about managed to pull himself
out of it.
“Thanks. Now move back. We have stuff to do.”
Marc grinned wickedly and nodded. “This might be a big problem. Other than not
being with you…obviously…but it’s been…11 hours since we last slept together
and I’m finding it difficult not to jump you.”
Dani grinned and shrugged. “I know. I KNOW.” He took another forkful and looked
back at his phone. “Now let me do this.”
Marc rolled his eyes out of sight and smiled at the concentration on his face.
Do I honestly think I can watch him leave today and deal with it in any way at
all?! He coughed slightly and looked down at his salad as he took a deep
breath. Not much choice. “Shit!”
Dani looked up, eyes wide and full of worry. Not again, not today… “What?!”
Marc saw the look in his eyes and felt the full force of the reality of Dani
going hit him again, shaking his head. “No. I’m ok. I just…need to call the
clinic and check everything is what they expected.”
Relief flooded the HRC rider’s face. “Oh. Ok. Yeah, before I go?”
Marc grabbed his phone and nodded. “Now.” He walked over to the door and went
outside to sit on the step, not really thinking about it until it was ringing.
He’s not going anywhere forever. You don’t have to shut him out. He looked back
and saw Dani staring at him with the same thoughts seemingly going through his
mind. The younger rider nodded and smiled, making a quick kiss motion with his
lips and smiling as Dani’s face changed. I’m trying.
*
Hello…are you in Barcelona? Busy?
Dani had just about typed out the message and was hovering over send. Is this
stupid? He looked back at Marc and sighed. Maybe it is. But it’s also a
reasonably good idea. He took a deep breath, pressed send and put the phone
down on the counter, eating a few forkfuls of his lunch before checking if
there was a reply. It’s not going to be that qui- Oh. He clicked on it and
smiled.
Yeah I’m at home? And no…just out the gym.
Right. Can you text me? I need that favour... 627712293.
He put the phone down again and carried on eating, determined to not sit there
and stare at it, wondering if it would be curiosity or helpfulness or both that
would make him reply, a part of him wondering, still, if he’d suddenly be
unfollowed or blocked. Or prank called in the future. After a few mouthfuls,
his phone pinged on the countertop and he smiled to himself. Ok…
648837529: What’s going on? You must be pretty desperate to ask me!
627..: Haha, but thanks :) You owe me! Have you got some spare time this
afternoon?
648837529: Yeah, depending what it is!
627...: I’m leaving. Marc needs to go back to Cervera…it'll be crowded at the
airport. He can’t ride, too risky after the crash. Do you know anyone/can you
send anyone to help?
648 ….:After the crash? In … Sepang?! That was weeks ago.
627...: I know. He needs surgery. But they think they know what the problem is.
Sometimes he goes dizzy…so he can’t ride. Especially not on the road.
648…: Oh. Ok…and he can’t drive either?
627...: No. Also because he’s 17.
648…: Shit! Really? Ok…yes I can help. I have a driver I can send? Or…?
Dani frowned down at the ‘Or…?’ and wondered. Are you really intuitive enough
to have figured out exactly what I’m asking?
627...: Or…?
648…: Or do you want me to do it?
Dani smiled to himself and ate the last forkful of salad. Apparently you are.
627...: I know it’s a big favour…
648…: No, it’s ok. It’ll give me a chance to tell him to calm down…!
627...: Really? And…don’t even try it!
648…: Yes, it’s ok. I understand. I wouldn’t want someone I didn’t know either.
Especially if he’s not ok.
627...: He’s getting better… but.
648…: I think we’re all feeling a bit over-protective after what happened in
Sepang.
Dani took a deep breath and clenched his teeth trying to keep it in. I hadn’t
connected those two events before. He stared at the ceiling and concentrated on
his heart rate for a few seconds, suddenly looking out at Marc and feeling
panic gnaw at him. That’s exactly it.
627...: I’d not connected that. But yeah. I have to leave…I have sponsor stuff
tomorrow in Milan. But I don’t want to.
648..: Can’t he go with you?
627...: He is doing, soon. Needs to sort everything out. He’s moving in.
648…: Oh! :) What time is the flight?
627...: 6:05. So we’re going to get there about 5…?
648…: Ok. Do you want me to go in the car or on the bike?
627...: Do you have a road licence?
648…: I can ride a bike, Dani. I was thinking that with helmets on no one will
know who we are.
Dani smiled at the use of his name and shrugged to himself slightly. That’s a
no, then. But that’s a good point. He looked at Marc again and nodded as he saw
him put the phone down. Should probably ask him…
627...: Can you? Haha. That’s a good point. I will ask him. I didn’t tell him
this idea yet…
648…: You thought I’d say no.
627...: Yeah.
648…: Let me know.
Dani put the phone down and studied Marc’s face as he came back inside. “Ok?
Everything ok?”
The Moto2 rider took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. What they thought.
Surgery. Awkward silences now they know why you were there…” He shrugged and
Dani could see the internal pep talk unfolding. “But it should be easy enough
to arrange. I’ll have to fly back to the clinic, but…that’s ok. Then…go home.
To Geneva.”
The Honda rider nodded and took his own deep breath. “That’s good, then.
Right?”
Marc nodded before there was an infinitesimal wobble of his bottom lip. “Yeah.
Good.”
No, no, no please don’t do this now… Dani walked over and wrapped his arms
round him, pressing his lips to his ear. “It is good. You’re going to be ok.”
He felt the Moto2 rider nod into his shoulder and squeeze him slightly tighter.
“I know." Marc sniffed slightly and rested his chin on the HRC rider's
shoulder. "I’d just…I’d almost forgotten this, with everything else. I’d
forgotten that just going there yesterday wasn’t the answer, it was like the
first question.”
I know. Dani nodded and locked eyes with him as he pulled away slightly. “I
understand. But now this is the answer. And all we have to do is arrange dates
for this, and arrange dates for you to move.”
Marc smiled at him and nodded, composure returning. “Ok. We do. Moving.” The
smile brightened. “Day after tomorrow?”
“Can you sort everything that soon?!”
“I could probably do it by tomorrow, so yeah.”
Dani grinned and closed his eyes as Marc pressed his lips against his, still
talking slightly. “You still sure about this?”
The HRC rider nodded and smiled. “I’m sure. And I’ve found someone to pick you
up from the airport.”
Marc narrowed his eyes and jokingly grimaced. “I think I know who it is…”
Dani cringed at him and smiled. “He owes me a favour.”
Marc laughed at his face and shook his head. “I’m only joking. Could be fun.”
WHAT. “Ok, good! All sorted…only one question: Car or bike?”
“Bike?!”
“Yeah. He made a good point…once you have a helmet on, no one knows who you
are.”
“And you’re not going to tell me it’s too dangerous and stupid and he doesn’t
have a road licence? I’d be surprised if he even had road legal tyres…”
Dani smiled at the hardly-hidden excitement behind the younger rider’s version
of devil’s advocate. “It is more dangerous than a car. But you’re a motorbike
racer and he will not do anything stupid. I don’t think he has a road licence,
no. But I think he can ride.”
Marc finally let the grin out and nodded. “Bike!”
“You won’t be riding it.”
Marc nodded again and replayed how he’d squeaked it the first time. “Bike!”
This may be a great idea completely ruined. “Ok.” He nodded at Marc’s ‘really?’
expression and shrugged. “Like I said before…it’s not up to me.”
***** Two to Go *****
Chapter Notes
     Ok so...we're getting somewhere!
     How are you feeling about it?? Haha...please let me know ;) I'm
     needy, I know... I also aim to please...
     Thank you thank you thank you for still reading!
Pulling out the gate, they’d not expected anyone to be there, but someone had
obviously found out where they were. There was a small group of photographers
waiting, and the two riders looked at each other and sighed.
“This is it now…for a while. It’s going to be everywhere.”
Marc nodded his agreement. “It will. But then, eventually, they’ll get over it.
And we’ll still be riding and winning and living our lives. Together, I hope.”
Just keep repeating it...
“Don’t start all that nervous future stuff again.” Dani instinctively squeezed
Marc’s knee and cringed slightly as a lens appeared at the window and caught
it. He kept on rolling forward through them and eventually had only open road
in front of him. “If I’m alive, I’m where you are. Right?”
Marc nodded and frowned at the if I’m alive as he turned and was able to stare
out the window at the sea, and houses, and everything that had been hidden by
the garden walls.
*
Some of the group had eventually found them again and caught them up before
they got to El Prat, leaving Dani in the lead of a train of cars heading
inside. But they weren’t rentals, and they got their peace back as they pulled
into the return area, Dani’s phone starting to ring. “Answer it for me?”
Marc picked it up and stared down at the screen, wondering why he was nervous
to answer a phone call but seemingly fine to ride pillion all the way back to
Cervera. He took a breath and pressed connect.
“Hi. Dani’s driving. It’s Marc.”
‘Hi. Are you here?’
“We just got into the rental return part.”
‘Ok. I’m waiting outside the departures doors. I think in between you and the
terminal. Are you both going in or just Dani?’
“I’m going in.”
There was a soft noise that seemed to communicate ‘you are a brave fool.’
‘Right. You got a helmet?’
Marc looked round to check they had actually brought it and nodded to himself.
“Yeah. What are you wearing?”
A laugh echoed down the line. ‘Black. All black. I think I’m fairly easy to
find…and pretty loud. I didn’t know how much fun this would be! No one has any
idea who I am.’
Marc smiled and looked up at Dani. “Well I hope that’s true in 10 minutes too.”
He undid his seatbelt and mirrored Dani as he got out the car. “Right, we’re
going in.”
‘Ok. Just one thing…I don’t know where I’m going once we get nearer. So give me
directions, ok? Hit my right leg to turn right, left leg to turn left…etc…ok?
“Ok. I will. I’m trusting you’re going to wait there, ok? I’m going to walk out
and just get straight on the back.”
‘I’ll be here. Good luck.’
Marc pocketed the phone before realizing it wasn’t his and handing it back to
Dani. “Right. Ready?”
The older rider nodded and took the helmet from Marc, gently putting it on the
roof of the car and putting his bag down. “Let’s say goodbye properly here. I
don’t want to do it in there.”
The younger rider nodded and let himself relax into Dani as the HRC rider
wrapped his arms around him, burying his head in his shoulder and closing his
eyes. I'm not sure I can do this. “I’m…” “…going to miss you.”
Dani nodded and ran his hand from the back of Marc’s head down to his waist.
“I’m going to miss you.” They pulled apart and stared at each other for a few
seconds, both smiling at the tears that had appeared, before the Honda rider
spoke again. “But it’s really not for long. There’s always going to be time we
can’t be together, until I retire…when I will stalk you every single day.”
Marc smiled and nodded. “I know. I’d just…not now would be better.”
“I know.” Dani studied his face and felt his brain start to scream at himself.
What am I doing?! We’ve just about started to win. “You’re going to be fine.”
Marc paused, indecision on his face, before reminding himself he had to agree.
“I will.”
I don’t believe you. “Good. I’m a phone call away. All the time.”
“I know.”
Dani looked like he was going to say something else before Marc leaned in and
cut him off with a kiss, eventually just leaning his forehead against the HRC
rider’s and taking a few breaths.
“Right.” His voice cracked and he coughed as he turned away and picked his
helmet up again, knowing Dani wouldn’t leave if he didn’t make it seem like it
was ok.
“Let’s go.”
*
The first few meters were fine. The second few brought them into the public
domain, and Marc instinctively grabbed Dani’s hand and felt his squeezed in
return, both of them having forgotten to an extent that it was known and they
could act however they wanted without giving anything anyway.
Dani squeezed his hand again as a couple of photographers reached them and
walked right in front of them, backwards, the shutter noise a constant whirr,
slowing them down and allowing a few more to join. Marc wondered if the other
rider had his jaw clenched as tightly as he had, whether Dani’s face was set
into the same expression of vacant determination, whether he could see where he
was going or whether he just knew anyway. After a few more paces Dani turned to
him and smiled.
“Ok?”
It was strange; being in the midst of a group of people all talking to you and
yelling, but not responding to any of them and only hearing silence filter
through to your ears, except for one voice.
Marc nodded, feeling Dani’s eyes on him and risking a quick glance, seeing a
nervous smile on the HRC rider’s face and feeling his own relax slightly.
“Yeah. So far so good…Can you see-” Marc interrupted himself and he and Dani
looked at each other as someone revved a bike further down the road.
“Nevermind.”
Dani smiled at him and shrugged. “You know he’s a bit of a poser.”
Marc laughed and nodded, frowning slightly as another lens was shoved in his
face. “Yeah, I know.”
Eventually they were inside, and people were turning and staring, taking their
own photos, talking to each other and pointing, and everything was relatively
fine, walking side by side, it felt like a steady unstoppable march more than
anything. And then they got to security, and both stopped. Dani put his bag
down and patted his pocket to check for his passport, ending up face to face
with Marc and smiling at the expression.
“This is it.”
The younger rider nodded and faltered slightly. “Can I kiss you?”
“If you want to, yeah. If you don’t want to, I understand.”
They were in earshot of the photographers, but quotes didn’t sell. Pictures
did.
Marc nodded at him and took a deep breath before leaning in and pressing his
lips lightly against Dani’s, both of them closing their eyes to try and filter
out everything else. It was quick, but it was real. Dani pressed his lips
against Marc’s ear before he pulled away.
“I love you. Now go and pack.”
The younger rider pulled away and locked eyes with him. “You too. And I will.”
He nodded encouragingly at the HRC rider, trying desperately to erase any
visible traces of how his mind was screaming DO NOT LEAVE! “Now go.”
Dani nodded and picked up his bag. I knew you’d make me do the walking. “Bye.”
“B-bye.”
*
The time in between Dani turning and leaving and him disappearing from view was
short, but Marc felt like he’d been welded to the floor for hours before there
was no trace of the Honda rider and he was left alone in a group of chattering
photographers. He closed his eyes for a brief second and imagined it as the few
seconds before the lights went out in a race, remembering the helmet in his
hand and instinctively pulling it on to get some privacy. He flipped the visor
down and slowly turned around and started the long, slow, hurdle-filled walk
back to the exit, the one nearest where he was being waited for, knowing he
probably looked ridiculous and not caring. Because at least they couldn’t see
his face; or more, how upset he was. They must know I care and that goodbyes
are never fun. But they don’t know why this is how it is. And they don’t know
what’s happened. And they don’t know what I’m scared might. The photographers
immediately started asking what he was doing and where he was going and how
could he ride, was he ok after the crash, was it safe for him to ride, where
was his bike, how long had he been with Dani, what his team thought, what his
parents thought, what other riders thought, what difference it would make on
track, if they were serious, even, one asking ‘Is this a publicity stunt?’. The
Catalunya Caixa rider just ignored it all and kept putting one foot carefully
in front of the other on his way towards where he hoped there was a Yamaha with
a world champion on it waiting for him.
Just two to go. Two days and you'll be in Geneva. Two days.
He reached the door and guessed from the sound of the exhaust that Jorge was
waiting to the left, turning and seeing to his relief that he was. He walked
over the last few steps and saw Lorenzo nod at him in the mirrors, seeing that
as his signal to get on and awkwardly try and get stable without wrapping
himself around the 2010 champion as he would have if it was Dani.
‘Hi.’
Marc nodded back in the mirrors as the muffled word got through to him. “Hi.”
‘Ready?’
He nodded again as the Mallorcan checked the mirrors, then braced as the
throttle was twisted and the clutch let out, accidentally getting a bit cosier
than he would have liked as they moved forward, then moving back slightly.
Jorge gave him a quick thumbs up and Marc replied in turn, eventually giving up
on the closeness issue and relaxing against him. Once they were free on the
motorway and cruising, a hand reached back and patted Marc on the leg.
I hope he knows that meant ‘Don’t worry about it’.
Marc smiled to himself in the helmet and tried to enjoy the feeling of being
back on two wheels, in control or not.
I hope that meant ‘Don’t worry about it.’
***** No Place Like Home *****
Chapter Notes
     As last week in the early hours of Sunday...any errors blame Ryan
     Villopoto. ;)
     Thank you so much, again...I know the chapters are a bit shorter but
     it's been a strangely distracting day..!
After about half an hour, Marc had relaxed to the point where his arms were now
around Jorge’s waist and it wasn’t strange. It wasn’t just him relaxing that
had made it a reality though, because Marc was finding it hard to keep his eyes
focused with his arms locked behind him, and had almost panicked when his
vision had started to sway slightly, suddenly realising the stakes of falling
off the back of a bike going pretty fast on a public road, knowing he had to
hold on, even if he didn’t know which way was up. The Mallorcan rider was
seemingly feeling relaxed, and had again tapped Marc on the leg as he felt his
arms wrap around him.
I guess that is a neutral gesture, then.
Jorge was wondering if Dani had told Marc how much he’d told him, and Marc was
wondering how much he’d told him. He’d not asked, although it wasn’t like when
Dani had talked to Emilio without telling him because he knew he had spoken to
him, at least knew he’d said something. But he didn’t know how much, and he
didn’t really want to know. In a way because he didn’t like the idea of Jorge
knowing even though it was necessary, and in a way because he liked being left
to think that someone else had his back and didn’t want to find out if that was
true or not.
Marc realised once they were north of Barcelona that he’d now have to give
directions, and tried to anticipate the turnings well enough to direct him
without having to smack him too hard. It worked well enough and soon they were
on smaller roads again, weaving through cars, but not swapping paint. Jorge had
ridden pretty much like he usually did on track: smooth and not taking too many
risks.
And what’s going to happen when we get there? I’m just going to get off and
wave and go inside? Marc suddenly realised he hadn’t even warned his parents he
was coming, and made an ‘eek’ face behind the visor. Hopefully they’ll let me
in, though. I am alone at least. Or rather, I will be sleeping alone. He went
back to think about the moment when they’d both take off their helmets again
and felt nerves hit him, unable to imagine the faceless rider in front of him
as ‘Jorge Lorenzo’ actually stood in front of him, looking him in the eye. He
almost missed a turn and whacked him a bit late, Jorge taking it just in time
as Marc realised that that moment was now 2 turns away. He concentrated on
those and then took a deep breath as he tapped Jorge on the ribs and signaled
they’d arrived. The Yamaha rider nodded and pulled in to the driveway, spraying
gravel onto the grass and stopping outside the front door in a way that Marc
suspected may have announced their arrival. He laughed to himself inside the
helmet and got off carefully to test his balance on solid ground, stretching
out and finding everything worked fine. The Mallorcan put the bike on the side
stand and got off to do the same, pulling off his helmet and balancing it on
the bike as he messed around with his hair to make it look presentable, turning
to Marc and smiling, the same sort of ‘now this is a little strange’ expression
on his face.
“You ok?”
Marc pulled off his helmet and nodded, doing the same to his hair. “Yeah.
Thanks.”
“No problem. That was pretty good fun. Maybe I should get a licence…”
Marc laughed and shook his head. “So you don’t have one then?”
The Yamaha rider shook his head and grinned. “Not…strictly speaking…”
“Knew it.” Marc was just about to invite him in before the door burst open and
Alex was left staring at them.
“Oh! It’s you!”
Marc grinned and gave out an ‘uff!’ as his brother attacked him with a hug,
suddenly eternally grateful that that grinning face was the first he’d seen.
Alex pulled away and then turned and stared at Jorge.
“Hi?”
The Mallorcan frowned at him, friendly but evidently unsure as to how he should
react. Marc took in the scene outside his front door and smiled, feeling the
same sort of strange 'pinch yourself' that he saw on his brother's face.
“Alex, Jorge…Jorge, Alex.”
Lorenzo extended his hand and Alex shook it nervously, as though he’d never
done it before.
“Hi. Nice to meet you. You rode Marc back?”
Jorge nodded and smiled. “Yeah. Dani had to go home, so we had to escape the
press.”
“Oh.” Alex grinned at him and looked back at his brother. “Cool.”
Marc smiled at him before catching the Mallorcan’s eye and, strangely, sharing
a kind of big brother moment. “Yeah it was pretty cool. No one can see who you
are with a helmet on, right?”
Alex opened his mouth to respond before Marc saw movement at the door and
turned to see his mother staring at him.
“Marc.”
He smiled at her as he nodded and shrugged slightly, noting Alex's head
following the reactions like a Wimbledon final.
“Hi.”
*
Dani just about made it through security, staff seeming to whisper at him as
soon as they thought he’d gone, before getting mugged for a couple of
autographs and stopping to scribble, wondering if they could see in his face
how much he was trying to leave. He did the last one, pretended he hadn’t seen
another, then almost ran into the toilet and locked himself in.
It’s almost like school. Locked in the toilets crying about…well, not that I
went to school that often. And not that I really ever looked at anyone around
me long enough to care.
He took a few deep breaths and pulled out his phone to check for messages,
despite it only being 2 minutes maximum since he’d left Marc stood in the
center of the crowd. But if there’s a problem, then there will be something
there.
Nothing.
He assumed that was positive and took another few breaths trying to calm
himself down. He would miss Marc, obviously. And he would miss having someone
on side to field the pressure. But that wasn’t enough to explain how bad it
felt.
It’s because I’ve been asking myself if it was a good idea since I realised it
had to happen. It’s because I know it’s not. It’s because I have absolutely no
idea if he’ll actually be ok. It’s because if he’s not, he won’t tell me on the
phone, and I might not be able to tell. It’s because even if I can tell, I’ll
be two countries and several hours away, and my only man on the ground is a
busy rival with a guiltily large amount of information that I still don't know
if I trust him with.
He sighed and pulled himself together. He would be taking off when they would
hopefully be arriving in Cervera.
And it’s because he knew it wasn’t a good idea either.
*
Jorge frowned as he watched the charged stand-off between mother and son. Maybe
some people weren’t as accepting as me and Casey.
Marc smiled but didn’t move, the Mallorcan reading that as a sign that the
younger rider believed that he’d been in the right in whatever had happened,
and Marc’s mother equally seeming to accept that as a gesture that meant
something and smiling a bit brighter in response.
“Are you home for a while?”
Marc’s dad, who Jorge did recognize, appeared next to her and smiled in happy
relief as he saw who was stood outside, before looking at Jorge and frowning,
awkwardly locking eyes with the Yamaha rider in confusion as Jorge tried to
smile in response but left it too late; Julià looking back at his son before he
could react.
“Marc. You’re home.”
The Catalunya Caixa rider nodded and smiled at them both. “Yeah. I’m home for a
couple of days.”
So you didn’t tell them you were coming? And they don’t know you’re moving in
with Dani. Jorge frowned again and thought about his own dad and how
complicated that could be – although by the looks of the situation in front of
him it wasn’t a dad problem; quite the opposite. And it wasn’t a philosophy
problem, although it was equally inflexible. Don’t complicate things. But don’t
give in.
Marc was suddenly looking back at him and he realised that the decision he’d
been wondering about at the airport was now reality – ride off now, or stay a
few minutes? Which would be more strange? Which would constitute a better
response to Dani? He stared at Marc and wondered if he was reading him right,
more than just the words coming out of his mouth. You’re asking if I want to
come in for a drink. Marc raised his eyebrows expectantly and Jorge wondered if
he’d imagined the nod. Actually, I think you’re asking ‘Please come in for a
drink.’
He nodded at Marc and smiled. “Yeah, thanks.” He noticed Marc’s mother huff
slightly at not having been involved and caught Marc’s eye as they started
towards the door, now out of earshot. “Your mother’s not happy about this, is
she?”
Marc shrugged at him, looking a bit defeated already. “You mean you? Riding
back here? Having left? Or Dani?”
“Dani.”
Marc stopped at the threshold and looked sideways at him.
“No.”
Jorge nodded and followed him inside, wondering if he’d be seeing fireworks or
just the bottom of a coffee cup and a fakely cheery goodbye.
So you’re leaving in two days, they don’t know that, and you’re going to deal
with this on your own. He took the seat offered to him in the kitchen and
instinctively pulled his gloves off and whacked them down on the table in front
of him, looking up slightly guiltily as he realised he wasn’t at home. And
you’re 17 years old.
He nodded to Julià’s offer of ‘coffee?’ and listened to the faint thud of the
stairs as Alex retreated before he suddenly thought about something that Dani
hadn’t mentioned.
Wait. You’re 17 years old.
He looked at Marc and tried to ask ‘are you ok?’ with his expression, worried
it came across more impatiently irritated than worried as the younger rider
caught his gaze and widened his eyes for a second in that classic, nervously
expectant expression of someone who is waiting to head into a situation they
know they’d aren’t going to like.
If they say no, are you even allowed to move to Geneva? Legally?
Jorge took the coffee and smiled at Marc's mother, who seemed to have no idea
of the conversation that was on the way. I think I’ll give it 10 minutes. Then
I’m gone.
Roser opened her mouth to speak just as Marc’s phone rang, frowning down at it
as she watched her son frown happily at the screen and answer it.
“Hi…?”
‘I’m delayed by 20 minutes, so I thought I’d call. You there ok?’
“Yeah, we’re here.”
‘Good. Jorge still there?’
Marc looked at him and nodded, smiling at the sideways smile he got in return
as the Yamaha rider realised who it was on the phone. “Yeah, he’s here.”
‘Ok. I guess you’ve not had chance to talk about anything yet with your
family?’
“No.” Marc looked up at his parents and Jorge noticed the tiny storm cloud pass
across his mother’s face as she realised who it was. “Not yet.”
‘Ok, let me know. I’ve got to go now…Love you. See you soon, ok?’
“Yeah. See you soon. Have a good flight.”
Jorge smiled to himself and felt a small shiver of satisfaction as he saw Marc
suddenly stand a bit taller and stare straight at his mother as he said the
last four words.
“I love you too.”
Don’t complicate things. But don’t give in.
***** Older and Far Away *****
Chapter Notes
     Ok this took a while longer than I wanted it to...and yes, the titles
     are still working out haha ;)
     Firstly, I originally wrote Jorge's English in worse English, but
     then I could only read it in a cartoon Russian accent so I put it all
     right again and we'll just have to believe it ;)
     Secondly, THANK YOU and enjoy?? :)
Walking in the front door was one of the strangest feelings he’d had. He felt
like he was a completely different person walking onto the set of a
hallucination he’d had for years, knowing everything well but not seeing things
the same way anymore. Weary, wiser and older but also somehow refreshed and
reset. But too far away...
Geneva had been a lot less crazy than El Prat; part of the reason why he lived
there. There’d been a couple of people who’d taken pictures but ultimately he
and Marc weren’t together in them so they weren’t worth that much effort and
Dani appreciated the breathing space; time to try and readjust to ‘his’ life
now it was his again.
He was itching to call Marc every minute of the journey back to his house, but
the younger rider had sent him a message saying Going out for dinner, hope you
had a good flight and I’ll call you later. Love you so he tried to hold himself
back from doing it, eventually calling Jorge instead, once he was sat in his
kitchen looking bewildered at everything that he’d almost forgotten was his.
The phone rang and rang before voicemail kicked in and Ricky Cardus’s voice
told him he’d reached Jorge Lorenzo, please try Twitter instead because he’s
obsessed with it!. Dani smiled and wondered if the Mallorcan rider knew his
message had been changed, deciding probably not and that he would definitely
not be the one to tell him. A control freak being humorously tricked was one of
the best things in life, wasn’t it?
He pulled a beer out the fridge and walked over to the sofa with his house
phone, deciding that patience would be easier if he had something to do. He
called to pick up his messages and groaned.
You have 38 new messages. To listen to your messages, please press 1.
He contemplated throwing the phone out the window and moving to Mumbai before
eventually pressing 1 and putting it on speaker as he took a sip of his beer.
‘Dani, it’s Alberto…’
‘This is a message for Mr Pedrosa…’
‘Dani, it’s me…’ Those were annoying, because they required a full listen to
guess who it was. The rest, depending on who it was, could be deleted by date.
Like Alberto; he’d spoken to him since.
‘Hi Dani…it’s Alberto again…’
He listened to the ones he didn’t delete and didn’t hear anything that needed
to be answered immediately in the first 6 or 7, sighing again and turning on
the TV in the background as he carried on.
‘Hi.’
‘Hi.’
‘Hi.’
‘Hi.’
‘Hi.’
There were a few from other riders, notable ones being Dovi, who said almost
nothing except that he was calling to say, awkwardly, that he would be
supportive, which was just as strange and awkward but appreciated as it seemed
and then led into a long explanation of why Repsol Honda should have kept three
bikes, and then one from Nicky Hayden, which had Dani pressing the phone
against his face to catch the English, deciding eventually it was something
along the lines of ‘Hey it’s Nicky. This is crazy! Sorry for my tweet! I didn’t
believe it, you know…but anyway…it’s all good and all so I’m gonna try and
think before I do things like that again…I don’t know what y’all want me to say
if you want me to tweet anything else to make it right or anything just let me
know…so yeah. Ok Dani, have a good festive season and everything…say hi to Marc
for me…ok. Yeah it’s Nicky. Maybe I already said that. Sorry if I spoke real
fast…bye.’
Dani laughed at the sound of a Kentucky accent booming through his extremely
European living room and took a deep breath before carrying on, happy that at
least a few of the messages were interesting and nice. Eventually he figured he
must be nearly done.
Message left today at 4.29am.
‘Ciao.’
Dani sat bolt upright as he heard who it was.
‘I think I called the wrong number…is this your house? But I wanted voicemail.
So I can say everything.’ There was a breath and it sounded like a sip of
something before he carried on, slowly and as though he was thinking everything
through meticulously. ‘I can’t believe you would go public. It’s crazy. I never
thought anything like this would happen…but then I never thought a lot of
things would happen.’ A sigh. ‘I don’t really know what I wanted to say…which
is the reason I’m calling anyway. I don’t think I ever said what I should have
said. I think I might have been stupid. And I’m worried about it. I’m worried
about why we don’t really talk anymore. And why nothing has turned out like I
thought it would. Is it my fault? Was it my fault? I thought it was just fun.
But then…this obviously is serious for you. I never thought that someone would
actually announce they were gay. Not in the paddock…I mean, not before they
retired. Seems like a lot of attention…the bad kind of attention. Or maybe it’s
just that you were braver…or maybe because you care about Marc a lot more than
anyone has had to think about before. Or maybe there’s only been you and me in
this position before, and I’m the one who didn’t react the way I should have
done. Wait a second.’ Another sip. ‘Ok. Sorry. I’m not making much sense. I
called to say that I feel like I need to apologise. And…I hope you’re happy.
This year has...been difficult. I’m older than I was then…and…I don’t know. I
want to say ‘Don’t do what I did’ now I can see what I did do…but even before
you never did that, did you? So…I hope you’re happy. Sorry.'
A few seconds passed before a soft bye and the end of the message.
Dani cancelled the call as the silence returned, and slowly put the phone down,
wondering what on Earth he should make of that.
He just apologized. He doesn’t apologise like that for anything. He leaves his
helmet on and then turns on the charm when the storm’s over.
The HRC rider sat still and stared at the wall vacantly.
Except now, apparently.
*
As he’d reached the bottom of the cup, his phone had rung, Casey flashing up on
the screen, which was a good enough reason to leave the arena of as yet
unspoken combat for a few minutes and excuse himself, which he did. He walked
over to the patio door and Marc nodded him through as he connected the call,
closing the door behind himself and sitting on the step outside.
“Hello. It’s early for you.”
‘Hi. Is it? Or do I just get up at a sensible time?’
“Maybe…or you like torturing yourself.”
‘That’s why I’m calling.’
“Do you mean that talking to me is torture?”
There was a quick laugh before he explained. ‘No. But interesting how you
thought that…’
“Ok, fine. You win. Torture?”
‘I’ve just had a call from Honda.’
“Ok. Let me write all this down so I can tell Yamaha…”
‘No, I’m being serious. Just listen. I had a call from some of the guys in
Japan about next year, and it all started off relatively normal, although it’s
usually Nakamoto who talks to us. But these guys were big guys so I was
wondering why they were calling…and they were calling to ask me about Adriana
and the baby.’
Jorge frowned. “What?”
‘Yeah, weird. So I asked what they meant, and they said…hang on, I wrote it
down. Here. They said “after what has been announced recently we need to know
that at least one of our riders remains committed to the Honda philosophy.”
They were basically asking me if I was going to race when the baby was born
etc…so I said yes, of course, contract, etc…and then I went back and asked them
what they meant by that comment, because it sounded a lot to me like
homophobia.’
The Yamaha rider got to his feet and paced round the garden. Fuck. “Ok…and?”
‘And they hated that. They said no, it wasn’t anything to do with the fact that
Dani was gay, it was because he hadn’t talked to the team before announcing it,
and that he’d missed a press day or factory visit or something, and said it was
personal reasons, and then obviously he was with Marc. So I said, “Is that not
personal reasons?” and they went quiet. So I said “If Adriana was in trouble
now and I cancelled a press day, would that be personal reasons?” and the
answer was “Yes, of course. She’s your wife.”’
Jorge let out the breath he’d been holding and winced, whistling slightly.
“Fuck.”
‘Yeah.’
“So what did you say?”
‘I made the same noise you just did.’
“Right. And then? Did they say anything else?”
‘They said thank you, that that was all and that they would see me “and my
teammate” at the next visit in Japan.’
Jorge felt himself go slightly cold, not wanting to say it out loud. “You
mean…they usually say ‘Mr Pedrosa’.”
‘Exactly.’
“Fuck!”
‘I know! Have you any idea what’s going on with him and Marc?’
Jorge sat down again and took a deep breath. “Well. Yeah actually…Ok, guess
where I am…”
‘Oh, sorry! Are you not at home?’
“No…I’m in Marc Marquez’s garden.”
‘Wasn’t expecting that.’ Casey laughed slightly and seemed to try and stifle a
yawn. ‘And why?’
“I just rode him from the airport back home, because Dani left to go back to
Geneva. Marc has problems with his eyes after the crash in Sepang. Dani…I don’t
know what happened, but he messaged me on Twitter this morning asking me for a
favour in payback for-“
‘For Motegi.’ Casey laughed and Jorge went slightly red. ‘Ha…I remember.’
“YES. So I got Marc from the airport so he could escape from photographers. And
now I’m here…I don’t think his mother is happy with the situation with Dani…but
I don’t know. It’s strange. Dani told me everything…I don’t think Marc knows
how much I know, but I think I know everything. And it’s a bit crazy. I don’t
think his parents know much about his health, because I don’t understand why
they aren’t helping more. Even if they disagree with his choices, and I think
the problem is age gap…it’s obvious Dani is trying his best to help, and it’s
working…you know after Marc didn’t go to that filming day? Dani said Marc was
at home alone drunk and dizzy and his parents had gone skiing. Dani drove up
here. He said Marc lied to them about how he was, but…compared to the kid who
had his photo taken with me last year when we won those championships…the
difference was huge.”
Casey let out the same whistle of breath as Jorge had done before. ‘Woah.’
“I know. So…I think it counts as personal reasons, right?”
‘Yeah. Ooh someone’s calling me. Wait a minute, I’ll call you back.’ The line
went dead and Jorge growled down at the phone, impatient. After sitting there
for a couple of minutes he was about to go back inside and give up when it rang
again.
‘Hi. Sorry…it was Livio.’
“Ok. More news?”
‘Yeah. He was calling to apologise for the phone call I got from Japan.
Apparently he got a phone call from Puig, who got a phone call from someone
higher up, and all hell broke loose for a while. No more information but at
least it sounds like everyone from Nakamoto down thinks they’re being complete
idiots.’
Jorge laughed to himself and nodded. “Right…” He sighed and looked back inside
through the door, thinking he should probably leave soon. “Well that sounds
less worrying than before…”
‘Yeah, it does. And what are they going to do, anyway?! Ok…I’m going to go and
have breakfast with my wife, now.’
The Mallorcan felt a quick stab of jealousy at the domesticity and sighed.
“Right. Have a good day, mate. Thanks for the info.”
‘You too. Bye…’
Jorge stared across the garden for a few seconds trying to process all that and
double checking his English before he cancelled the call and got to his feet,
pulling the door open and stepping back inside, immediately feeling the icy
mood in the house.
I think I might have left it too late to just leave… “Sorry about that...I
should probably go soon.”
Three sets of eyes looked at him. One neutrally curious, one suspiciously wary,
and Marc, still grateful for his distracting presence.
“Thanks for the ride.” The younger rider locked eyes with him and smiled. “And
I want to know why you owed Dani that favour…?”
Jorge narrowed his eyes and smiled. “If he’s not told you already, then I hope
it stays that way.”
Marc grinned at him and turned back to the door as his brother came in. “Hey.
You ok?”
Alex frowned at the strange facial expressions and atmosphere and nodded.
“Yeah…?”
“Good.”
“Did Dani go home?”
Marc nodded and smiled at him. “Yeah. He has a sponsor event tomorrow.”
“So that’s why you’re here!” Alex looked at Jorge and then went a bit red. “I
mean…not in a bad way…”
The Mallorcan nodded and grinned at him, shrugging it off. “That’s ok. I’m,
er…not trying to replace Dani. I’m too tall.”
Marc caught his eye and smiled again as his brother laughed.
Alex stared at the Yamaha rider as he asked, completely unruffled. “And you’re
not gay?”
Jorge smiled at him and shook his head.Because that would be the only reason
why I’d not be madly in love with your brother? “No. I’m not gay. Are you?”
Alex blushed slightly as he smiled awkwardly and started to shrug before his
mother stepped forward and coughed, sending an expression Jorge’s way that made
him again catch Marc’s eye and enquire as to the meaning.
“Anyway. Thank you for your help, Jorge.”
The Yamaha rider rewound through the conversations and realised they were the
first words she’d spoken to him. No problem. I hope you’re wondering why he
didn’t ask you. “That’s ok. It was pretty good fun. He was a good passenger.”
He smirked at Marc and shrugged. “And I owed Dani.” He watched her face darken
again and watched Marc’s dad catch his son’s eye and give him a friendly kind
of warning expression.
Marc shrugged at him and turned to his mother. “Ok. We’ll talk when I get back,
ok? I’m going out for dinner. Alex, you coming?”
“Where?”
“Dinner.”
“Yeah. Where?”
“Oh. Adrián closed the restaurant. Private party.”
“Then yes.”
Jorge smirked again as he noticed the complete lack of permission that the
younger sibling asked for, only looking at Marc. They’re going to fuck them
both over if they don’t start being more accepting… He refocused on Marc and
realised the Catalunya Caixa rider was now staring at him. “You want to come?
Or are you going?”
Common sense said leave, curiosity said stay. Not knowing whether it would be
shit said leave, Dani’s worried voice in his head said stay. Eventually the
vision of Ricky fast asleep on his sofa, drooling, and the realization that
that was the only thing waiting for him was enough to swing it. “Yeah, if you
want. I don’t have anything to do tonight.”
Marc nodded and turned round to head for the door, guiding his brother in front
of him and pushing him slightly up the stairs with instructions to get changed,
and Jorge looked back at the parents and smiled.
“So…it was nice to meet you…”
Julià nodded and smiled. “You too. Thanks, again.”
“No problem.”
He was just through the doorway when Roser spoke again. “What do you think of
this?”
He turned and looked at her, wondering if she could see the same friendly but
edgily determined expression on his face that he saw on hers.
“You mean Marc being gay? Doesn’t me-“
“No. I mean Dani.”
“Oh.” Jorge smiled and shrugged. “Well everyone knows I didn’t used to get
along with Dani.” He saw her start to think she was about to get an ‘I told you
so’ moment and made himself smile slightly brighter, as though he was happily
oblivious to everything and didn't possess more information than she did about
her son's life. “But then I decided to ignore what our managers thought and got
to know him a bit better.”
Her smile faltered and he chose his words carefully to get across exactly what
he was getting at, letting his face relax slightly and making sure he had eye
contact.
“So now, I’d trust him with more things than I’d even tell my dad.”
He watched her face and again increased his smile in response to the opposite
reaction from her, leaving it long enough to let it sink in but not so long as
to seem actively aggressive: it could still seem innocent enough, if he had to
argue it out.
And by that, I mean Do Not Make Him Choose.
***** Out Of My Mind *****
Chapter Notes
     As Dani is about to say...this IS too addictive ;)
     Thank you thank you as always... <3
They were sat round a table in the restaurant that obviously belonged to a
friend of the family called Adrián, who Marc and Alex seemed to know well, and
a couple of other people had joined. They’d had a beer each, the Marquez
brothers, and Jorge had been surprised when Marc looked at him as he asked for
it, as though he knew that Dani had talked to him, but didn’t know how much,
and didn’t know how the Yamaha rider would deal with that information. But a
beer was fine. Having one beer without it leading down a path of destruction
was normal behavior, so Jorge tried not to react and joined the cheers with his
bottle of water, wondering how he’d gone from the night before – free and
carefree and watching Rocky with Ricky – to now some sort of stand-in Pedrosa
in a restaurant in Cervera. It was weird, but it was ok. It was different, and
different was interesting. He ordered his food as he felt his phone vibrate in
his pocket and pulled it out, expecting Dani or Casey or something else
reasonably negative to choose now to happen. It wasn’t.
Ricky: Where are you?
Jorge frowned down at the message and then smiled to himself. Missing me
already…?
JL: In Cervera still. We’re having food. Why?
Ricky: Thought you might be. We’re driving back from Lleida. How long are you
going to be there?
JL: Who’s we? And don’t know…until at least 10 I think…
Ricky: We is me, Pol and Aleix. They were at the track so I’m coming back with
them. Can we stop and see you?
Jorge looked down at the question and frowned. Aleix, yes. No one had any
possible issue with him. And Ricky, fine. But Pol…
Dani hadn’t said it out loud. But something had made Jorge aware of the fact
that Pol and Marc might have history; of the off-track kind. And that tweet,
one of the only cheeky replies Marc had really sent, had made that idea seem
more than possible. Besitos… But asking would probably make Marc aware of the
fact that he knew a lot. Decision time… He studied him for a few seconds and
thought about that tweet. So that would mean he doesn’t seem to have a problem
with it…?
“Marc?”
“Hmm?”
“Ricky’s driving back from Lleida with the Espargaros and asking if they can
stop off for a beer.”
“Sure!” He grinned and nodded. “The more people the better. Probably the last
couple of days I’ll be around here for a while.”
“And…Pol…is ok?” Jorge said it slowly and winced at how completely obvious he’d
made it. Just ignore what that means…
Marc narrowed his eyes slightly and gave him a cheeky smile. Thank you, Dani.
For including that bit of information… “Of course? Why wouldn’t Pol be ok?”
The challenge on his face, somewhere between cheek, glee and nervousness, made
Jorge frown in return, giving him a quick stare of good natured disbelief as he
just went with it and let the cat all the way out the bag, rising to the bait.
“Of course! Pol’s good fun…isn’t he?”
Marc’s eyes went a bit wider before he grinned again. “Hmm, not always.
Sometimes he’s a bit….rough.”
Jorge just stared and felt his mouth drop open slightly. You didn’t… He looked
to the other faces around them, finding only distracted chatter where he wanted
to see stares of disbelief, and then looked back at Marc, feeling the smirk and
the slight blush on his face but enjoying this different side of the younger
rider, whose eyes were glinting back at him. “Well…I don’t know. I’ve
never…taken him on…”
Marc suddenly giggled and shrugged. “I don’t think many people have. Not in
the…same way. With him…on pole.”
That was it; a full hand-slapping, giggly inappropriate laugh attack suddenly
erupted from the Mallorcan and everyone turned to look at him, Marc laughing at
him laughing and shrugging innocently as they then looked at the Moto2 rider
for an explanation. He held up his hands as if saying he had no idea, taking a
slow sip of his beer and tuning it out until they got bored and went back to
their conversations, Jorge by then just about in control of himself. “Oh,
really?”
“Yeah…I think I might be the only one who’s…come up behind him and really
challenged him, you know?”
Jorge nodded and bit his lip. “So I’ll tell Pol to come, then?”
Marc grinned and shrugged. “He doesn’t hang around. Maybe he already did.”
Jorge giggled again and bit his lip as he shook his head and picked up his
phone again. Pure evil. Just pure evil.
JL: Yeah sounds good. Call me when you’re here?
Ricky: Ok. We’ll be coming soon.
Jorge read the response and giggled, again earning a weird look from everybody
else.
Not quite the impression I wanted to make…the impression of world domination
and focus…
*
After staring at the wall for too long, Dani eventually finished his beer and
put on music, pulling out his computer and intending to go through emails and
answer some of the less urgent ones that he’d read on his phone but hadn’t been
bothered to reply to. But then…
This is too addictive.
He logged in and refused to look at the ‘all mentions’ in fear of getting too
bogged down without Marc’s grin to buoy him back up, and went to ‘people you
follow’ to check if anything had happened. Some things had, some annoyingly
official announcements of support from sponsors and similar, and a couple of
late party goers pledging support, and surprise. Mark Webber, Fernando Alonso,
which made Dani go slightly gooey inside, Nico Terol taking back what he’d
said, Bradley Smith, and a late, reasonably neutral tweet of support from Ben
Spies. And Cal had tweeted him a photo.
Dani winced and clicked on it, still worried somehow that the support would run
out at some point, and then laughed as it popped up: Cal, pretending to be
asleep, hugging a picture of Dani with the caption “NEVER GIVE UP!”
@26_DaniPedrosa: @CalCrutchlow I don’t think this is a fight you’ll win…!! I’m
sorry! I’ll post the ring back to you…?
He pressed send and then noticed he had a direct message, clicking on that and
again grinning. Cal, again.
Just want to check…you’re laughing at these, right?
Dani just replied with a 'NO!!! jajaja’ and then hovered the mouse over the
email tab before another couple of tweets appeared: a picture from Jorge, and
one from Marc.
@marcmarquez93: Cena con un nuevo amigo // Dinner with a new friend!!
@lorenzo99: Fiesta privada…. // Private party…
You’re still there?! Dani smiled at Marc’s picture as he clicked on it and
shook his head. This is a strange twist… It was Marc and Jorge sat next to each
other, grinning, the younger rider pointing at Jorge’s face with his eyes wide,
the Mallorcan mirroring the expression. He then clicked on Jorge’s picture and
smiled again, looking through the crowd of faces to see who he recognized.
Marc, Alex, Jorge, the restaurant owner, the Espargaros, Ricky Cardus…
Wait…
The Espargaros?
He desperately didn’t want to admit quite how much jealousy whacked him in the
chest, but it did. It wasn’t even a thing…it was just once. He groaned at
himself and tried to shake himself out of it. It was probably just once.
He stared at Pol’s grin, next to Marc’s in the center of the shot, and took a
deep breath.
Did I actually ask how many times it was?
He sat and stared at the wall for a while, this time for a different reason,
before picking up his phone and calling Marc again. No answer. He paused for a
second than dialed Jorge.
“Dani! Are you back home?”
“Yeah. I saw your tweets.”
“Ha. You sound jealous…”
“NO.” Dani coughed and tried to make his next reaction more controlled.
“Well…yeah. I really would rather be there…”
“Well it couldn’t have happened if you were here, you know. The party follows
me.”
“Hmm. I’m sure.”
“So…hang on.” There was the sound of a door closing before the Mallorcan
returned. “Marc fucked Pol.”
Dani felt his heart hit the floor. “WHAT?!”
“Wha..? You must know? Youalmostsaid it to me…?!”
Oh. Not tonight. Not right now. Not…right now… He closed his eyes to try and
focus on blocking out the image, which was difficult. Because he’d never
actually done that, not yet. Because they’d already cared too much by the time
they slept together, they’d never fucked. Almost. But it always ended
up...slower. They'd never just snapped and torn each other apart. “Oh!” Too
high pitched. “Maybe I did.” Better. “I meant-”
“You thought I meant tonight!”
“Um..yeah. DON’T TELL HIM.”
“Ok, ok. I won’t. But…fuck. Seriously? You don’t trust him, or what?!”
“I do. I…I don’t know. I trust him. It’s just…we’ve not been apart before…like
this.” He’s never tweeted pictures of him having fun without me. “He’s…I don’t
know. I trust him. It’s me being stupid, I know that. Just…let’s ignore this.
I’ve had a strange evening…”
“Right. Ok. Sorry.” Sigh. “I have also had a strange evening. Why was yours
strange?” Jorge suddenly had a flash of sitting in front of a journalist
sometime in 2005 and felt a pang of guilt hit him slightly at what he’d said
about Dani. Life is strange.
Why am I telling him? Because I know I’m about to, and I know I don’t really
want to, but here it comes. “I had a voicemail from someone…from the past. It
was…confusing. Why he’d suddenly say all this stuff now…when I’m with
Marc…and…not thinking about him...anymore.”
Number 1 Gay Relationship Advisor in Catalunya. That’s me. “Oh. Anyone…special?
Was it bad? Or what?”
“Not…special…but…I don’t know. History. It’s just…it seems relevant now.
Because of the situation with Marc…”
“So another guy you’ve been with?” Jorge frowned and suddenly had a reality
check. Imagine that back then. ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Don’t worry Mr Amatriaín,
I’m just calling Pedrosa to talk about his sex life…’ He blinked a few times
and tried to pull himself back to the present. “What situation with Marc? The
crash?”
“No. The, er…age gap. And yeah, the guy that made me realize that guys
were…options…?” Options…really?!
“Oh, right. Anyone I know?”
“I’m not telling you that.”
“So that’s a yes.” The Mallorcan suddenly gasped and Dani cringed. “Right?!”
“I’m not talking about this anymore. DON’T. Please.” The HRC rider took a
breath and sighed. “Anyway, I called because Marc didn’t answer. Are you with
him?”
“Fine. And no, I’m now outside. I can go in and pass you over if you want?”
“Please…”
There were some footsteps and rustling before Dani heard Jorge say ‘it’s Dani’
and Marc reply ‘oh!’, hoping it had been accompanied with a smile, knowing it
absolutely would be and wondering where all these clouds had appeared from,
then hearing a cacophony of wolf whistles as other people obviously heard who
it was. Marc’s voice told them to unpolitely go away and then the footsteps and
rustling repeated themselves before he finally spoke.
“Hey. Why did you call Jorge?”
“You didn’t answer. And hello.”
“Sorry! Hi! You ok?”
“Yeah, not bad. I miss you. My house is empty.”
“I miss you too. And my house is too full…”
“I know. Said anything to them yet?”
“Not yet. We went for food and then other people came and-”
“I saw the tweets.”
“Oh! Right. I saw what Cal sent you. Ha!”
Any particular reason why you only said ‘other people’? “Yeah, I know. I’m
loving it. Makes me take everything less seriously for a while…Anyway. You ok?
No problems? Having fun?”
“No problems. And thanks for telling Jorge I slept with Pol.”
Shit. Thanks Jorge telling him you knew. “I didn’t tell him, I think I was just
a bit…obvious in something I said by accident.”
“Hmmm. WELL. I’ll get over it. I made him giggle like a schoolgirl anyway.”
“Pol?!”
“No! Jorge. Just teasing him. He actually has a sense of humour…”
“Oh.” What is wrong with me? “Sorry. And yeah…I know. Shocking discovery,
right?”
Marc laughed and Dani could imagine him nodding. “Yeah! Ha. But no, no
problems. I’m fine. I’ve been fine for a while now. Not sure what’s going to
happen at home, but we’ll see. I think Jorge had a run in with my mother
though. She asked him what he thought of you.”
Oh dear. The now version or the historical evidence? “Right…”
“Don’t sound too worried. He said you didn’t used to get on, but that was
before he really knew you and that now he’d trust you with anything.”
“Oh.” Dani smiled to himself and blushed slightly. Ok… “Good. I..I don’t know.
I find it hard to remind myself that’s true.”
“I know what you mean. Or, I can imagine. So what are you doing?”
“Nothing. I went through the answer messages…”
“Ufff. I bet there were a lot?”
“Yeah. Mostly good. If I understand Nicky Hayden at all that is.” He heard Marc
laugh and nodded to himself. “I think I did. I’m getting better.” Do I tell
him? Is it important? Does it mean anything either way? He thought to himself a
second then took a deep breath. Not telling him doesn’t feel honest. So, yes.
“There was also…a message from Vale.”
A few seconds of silence. The "Pol in the Picture” effect. “Oh!”
“Er…yeah. He was…apologizing. For…how he acted. With me. In the past.”
“Right…ok. So a good message?”
“I’ll, er...” No, actually I won’t play it to you. “It was strange. He
sounded…different.” Some things should be private…shouldn’t they?
“Different?”
“Just…I don’t know. He’s not very happy right now anyway, for obvious reasons.
And I think…I think he’s just thinking about the past…”
“Oh. Ok..?”
Dani tried to perk himself up and move it on. “Yeah. Anyway…you’re ok. That’s
all I wanted to know…”
“I am all ok. No problems. And…I’m even enjoying myself! Not too much though,
don’t worry. I think I might still bother moving in with you…”
“Good.” Dani smiled to himself and suddenly realised how loud the quiet of the
empty house was compared to the low hum of the restaurant in Cervera in the
background of Marc’s call, feeling the oncoming pain of sleeping alone lurking.
“I really, really miss you.”
“It’s only been a few hours! But…I know. Sorry. I’ve had a couple of beers
and…I’m trying not to think about it.”
“That’s ok. I understand. Ok, go back inside. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”
“Ok. I will.” It sounded like Marc got up and dusted his trousers off. “But I’d
rather call you when I’m about to go to sleep, if that’s ok.”
“That’s fine. That’s GOOD.”
“Ok. Right…I’ll go and give this phone back. Love you. A lot.”
“You too. Bye.”
“Bye…”
Dani waited for the click and smiled sadly as it came, putting the phone down
and staring back at the computer screen.
I must have been out of my mind.
He went through and lazily typed what he had to, eventually zoning out and
going back to Twitter, mainly to see if Cal had replied. That was the kind of
fun that was truly innocent. He had.
@CalCrutchlow: @26_DaniPedrosa Keep it. And when you look at it, think of me.
I’ll never forget you, pumpkin.
Dani laughed at it before frowning at checking he knew what ‘pumpkin’ meant. He
did, and laughed again.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @CalCrutchlow I know you’ll love again. And I know, whoever he
is (@Matt77Roberts ?) he’ll make you happy, Honey Badger.
He hovered over send and then pressed it. Fuck it. He started it. That’s not
worse, is it?!
It took about 6 seconds.
@Matt77Roberts: @CalCrutchlow @26_DaniPedrosa I was waiting for that…
@CalCrutchlow: @Matt77Roberts @26_DaniPedrosa hahahaha I did this to myself,
didn’t I? Fuck.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @CalCrutchlow yeah you did! @Matt77Roberts You were waiting
for Cal? He’s available…
@Matt77Roberts: @26_DaniPedrosa Yeah I can’t hide it anymore. And
@CalCrutchlow, I’m 2 doors down on the left…
@CalCrutchlow: @Matt77Roberts I KNOW ;) @26_DaniPedrosa I changed my mind…might
need the ring…
@26_DaniPedrosa: @CalCrutchlow Sorry I threw it away. @Matt77Roberts hide!
@Matt77Roberts: @CalCrutchlow @26_DaniPedrosa …………………………………………..
Dani grinned and nodded as it finally stopped, feeling that slight feeling that
he thought most people may have had at one point or another: Why can’t I be
just a little bit more like Cal Crutchlow? Unthreatened and unflappable. He was
just about to logout when another tweet from Jorge appeared.
@lorenzo99: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
What?! Dani frowned and smiled. Are you drunk..?
Another one.
@lorenzo99: 123456789 Counting is fun! ¡Y ahora en castellano! ¡123456789!
Dani kept frowning, and laughing, and then frowning. Because you’re supposed to
be the guy on the ground…and able to ride home…
@lorenzo99: @26_DaniPedrosa You're my hero. Never change.
@lorenzo99: @CalCrutchlow @Matt77Roberts I want to be best man
@lorenzo99: I'm just dancin'
@lorenzo99: I hate scarves
@lorenzo99: Hey there pretty ladies
And finally, one with a picture.
@lorenzo99: #HIJACKED jajajajaja
Dani frowned, still monumentally confused, before clicking on the picture and
then giggling.
Marc’s grinning face.
You didn’t give that phone back…
***** Showtime *****
It took Jorge about 20 minutes after getting his phone back to see the tweets,
by which time he, Marc and Alex were walking back to his house, the Espargaros
and Ricky having just set off to drive back down to the city. It was 9.58pm, it
was a lot colder, and Jorge was aware of how the mood changed with each meter
of distance they closed on the house. He was behind the Marquez brothers
walking on his own, and so his face of shock and anger, and amusement; fair
play, wasn’t visible, and he immediately bit his lip and seethed in silent,
entertained frustration as he realised that he couldn’t do anything about it.
Not without putting a serious dent in the situation, and not without making
more trouble which he knew Marc wasn’t in the right frame of mind to deal with
anymore. The mood in the restaurant was gone, and the conversation on the way
needed the younger rider’s full attention. Plus the fact that, although Dani
had explained so much, he didn't know how to read the Moto2 rider like Dani
did. He didn't know what the edge looked like, and he didn't know what he
looked like when he was about to head off it. So I just pretend I didn’t see
it? Marc turned and looked back to check he was there and smiled. Yeah. I deal
with this when he’s back on the bike and back in the paddock. With
someseriousrevenge. Jorge smiled in return, innocently, and nodded. Still here.
Once they reached the house, Marc let them in and Alex followed his brother
straight through into the kitchen, both honing in on the sound of their
parents’ voices. Jorge followed, nodded a yes as Marc pointed to the coffee
machine, and then leaned slightly awkwardly far enough away to not be the
center of attention. The Marc from the restaurant was now completely gone, and
the Marc from pole position was in its place. The younger rider looked like he
was about to go to war, or possibly swim with sharks.
He’d been intending to leave before anything was said, and by the looks of
Alex’s face, the younger brother had also not wanted to be there before Marc
got into it. But either on purpose for the backup or just through impatience,
Marc suddenly turned round and folded his arms as he leant in front of the
coffee machine.
“I’m moving to Geneva to live with Dani. The day after tomorrow.”
Jorge cringed and watched the glance exchanged between Roser and Julià.
Here we go…
*
He’d not really meant to say anything with Jorge and Alex there, but after
rolling it round and round in his mind, something just snapped. The sheer
amount of time and worry he was spending on a simple truth that was not going
to go away eventually made the decision for him and he turned, took a breath,
and just said it.
“I’m moving to Geneva to live with Dani. The day after tomorrow.”
He felt his shoulders lift as the weight of it was removed, and risked a half
curious, half apologetic glance at Jorge. Leave if you want? He caught his eye
and tried to communicate that with his eyes before the Mallorcan narrowed his
and shook his head slightly. Marc raised his eyebrows slightly. Really? A small
nod was the reply, and Marc looked back at his parents. Alex already knew. Alex
had known since the walk to the restaurant, and he mirrored Marc’s nervously
worried expression as they both stared at their mother. Well…?
She looked up and locked her eyes with Marc, not believing it in the slightest.
“Don’t be stupid.”
He smiled and shook his head. “It’s not stupid. It’s time. With Dani or without
Dani. I need more space.”
She broke the eye contact and took a sip of her drink, sending a flash of
irritation through her son as he waited, frustrated, through the show of
control. “You don’t need to move to Switzerland to get space.”
“But Dani’s in Switzerland. So it works out perfectly.”
“I’m sure that’s what you think now.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“You’re 17. Of course you want to rebel.”
Marc clenched his jaw and looked over at Jorge, who was staring back at him
with the same stormy expression, before looking back at the expectant face sat
at the table. “And moving in with someone I love is rebelling, is it?”
“Look.” She put her drink back down again, with much more force, and stared up
at him. “Just stop. If you want more freedom, just ask for it. And we can talk
about it.”
Marc smiled at the irony of it and shook his head. “I want more freedom, to
move to Geneva.”
“No.”
“That worked well, then.” He rolled his eyes slightly and shrugged. “Look…it’s
simple. I want to move to Geneva. Therefore I will be moving to Geneva.”
“You won’t.”
“Ok.” Marc took a deep breath and turned back to finish the coffee, doing the
same to her as she had to him and making her wait as he poured them and
delivered them to Alex and Jorge, before he went back to where he had been and
took a slow sip, staring back at her over the cup to make the point. “What is
the problem? Geneva is a safe, beautiful city that’s only a couple of hours
away on a plane.”
“You live here.”
“Yes. I did. And I’ve loved it. Now, it’s time to move on.”
“Then move to Barcelona.”
“Dani is in Geneva.”
“I don’t care where Dani is.”
“I know. But I don’t care that you don’t care, because I care a lot.”
“You’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t care what we think.”
“Oh, really? Or should that be the other way round?”
“Don’t be so rude.”
“Me? I’m asking a question. What do you think is going to happen here? I’m not
12 years old. I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself, and when I’m not,
Dani is perfectly capable of helping me out. Do you honestly think that I’m
going to suddenly give up at some point in this conversation? Really?”
No answer.
“I’ll take that as a no, then. So I’ll be moving the day after tomorrow, and
I’ll pack my stuff tomorrow.”
“You’re not moving, and that’s it.”
“Like I said, thanks for your opinion. Now what are you going to do about it?”
“You’re not walking out of this house, Marc. So just forget about it.”
“Like I said…realistically, how are you going to stop me? You’re going to tie
me down, or what?”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not being stupid, I’m being realistic. If I start walking to the door
right now, what are you going to do about it?”
Roser suddenly grabbed her glass and got to her feet. “I’ve had enough of this.
Ever since that man turned up, you’ve not been yourself. I thought maybe you’d
get it out of your system but it looks like that’s not going to happen. So,
fine. I’ll just have to make it happen.”
Marc’s eyes widened and he stared back at her. “Get it out my system? Being
gay? Or Dani?”
“Dani Pedrosa. You obviously just need some time apart to open your eyes. It
will do you a lot of good.”
Ok. He could feel himself slipping into abject rage and took a few slow
breaths. Come on. Calm. Show her the irony. “Ok. I’m not sure what I can do to
show you that this is real. And more than that, I’m not sure why I should, or
why that really matters. Since he turned up is basically the only time I've
been myself. I am so unbelievably happy with Dani, and he’s a good person.”
Marc pointed at Jorge and managed an ironic smile. “Ask him, although seems you
already did.” Jorge cringed under the glare of Marc’s mother’s glare and made
sure he didn’t return it as the Moto2 rider carried on. “So…I’m 17. Fair
enough. But I’m not a kid, you know that, I know that. I’ve crashed enough
times and scared myself enough times to know that I’m probably a lot more
mature than a lot of people my age. And that’s what you’ve said to me God-
knows-how-many times. I’m in a serious, long term relationship with a man. He’s
a bit older, but that changes nothing. He’s a MotoGP rider, which makes it
terrifying, but again that doesn’t change how I feel. I love him, he loves me,
and that’s all there is to it. So, again. When I walk out to go to Geneva…how
are you going to stop me?”
Roser took a few shallow, angry breaths and then suddenly shrugged at him.
“Fine.” She looked down at her husband and Jorge and Marc watched as Julià
suddenly started shaking his head, as though he knew what was coming and didn’t
think it was a good idea. She just nodded at him before looking back at Marc.
“You’re right. Physically I can’t stop you. But you’re 17. You can’t legally do
that. So you’re going to have to get used to it. And really grow up. You can’t
even afford to get there without us.”
There were a few seconds of silence before Alex suddenly got up and walked out
the kitchen, shoes crashing up the stairs and away from the argument, Jorge and
Julià the only two heads turning to watch him out.
Marc just stood there, not really sure of what to say and realising at the same
time that that in itself said a lot. There was no angry comeback, nothing was
being thrown, no shouting, no pleading. Nothing. He was angry – he’d never been
that angry, insulted and heartbroken before in his life. But the self-control
was much more satisfying than any of that, and he could see that slowly start
to dawn on his mother as he just waited. I already have.
He ran through each part of her point and actually managed a small laugh as
that last bit really sunk in. “Ah, right. Cut me off from my money as well?
Fine. I think Honda pay Dani ok.”
He stood up straight and stretched out slightly, nodding at her and shrugging,
watching her realize that he really wasn’t going to yell, before he said the
last few things that really needed saying.
“So…how many more weeks am I 17 for? Enough to make that matter? I’ll move,
you’ll fight it. How long will it take to get me deported back here? Enough to
make those last couple of weeks as a prisoner worth it?”
No answer.
“Exactly. So I would plead and beg and be angry if it really mattered, but I’ll
just be patient instead. It’s up to you. Try it, we’re done. To be honest, even
just saying things like that…we’re almost done anyway. I’m going to go and see
Jorge off now, then I’m going to go to bed and call Dani to tell him the good
news.”
He looked at her sadly and shrugged one last time before turning back to the
Mallorcan and taking slow, measured steps across the kitchen to try and keep
control of himself. Jorge turned his head as Marc passed him, then took a quick
glance back at Roser before following him out.
I did warn you…
***** Lessons *****
Chapter Notes
     Ok so...the rollercoaster continues, I think.
He was so desperate for the fresh air by the time he reached the door that the
last few steps were almost a sprint. He burst through the door and leant down
on his knees, all the control evaporating completely now there was no point to
be made with it. He took a few deep breaths and clenched his jaw before leaning
back and looking up at the sky as Jorge closed the door behind them and looked
across at him.
“You ok?”
Marc nodded mutely and went back to leaning on his knees for a few seconds.
Jorge nodded and watched as Marc sat on the step, sitting down next to him and
mirroring his stare down the driveway. “Those are tough conversations to have.”
Marc nodded and looked back at him. “Yeah.” You do know that, I guess. “They
are.”
The Mallorcan smiled at him and nodded again. “I think you did pretty well. I
was not that calm.” Marc felt himself manage a slight smirk in return and
smiled as Jorge accepted it knowingly. “Yeah. Obvious, right?”
The Moto2 rider almost managed a laugh. “I’m not saying anything.”
“Fair enough.” They looked straight ahead again and Jorge smiled to himself.
Now might work… “Maybe we could learn the alphabet. Or learn to count…”
Marc laughed and looked sideways at him with an 'eek' etched on his face. “You
saw it?!”
“Yes, I DID.” He glared at him good-naturedly and shrugged. “There will be some
serious revenge next year, don’t worry.”
Marc nodded as some of the smile disappeared. “Assuming I’m on the grid next
year.”
Ah. Here we go… “First of all, you will be. And secondly…I would seek you out
anywhere in the world to make you pay, so it’s fine.”
Marc nodded and laughed again, slightly happier but in that strange way that
always comes after something upsetting, forcing the smile to make it brighter.
“Right. I’ll bear that in mind.”
“Yeah you’d bet-” Jorge stopped as he watched Marc suddenly blink, fast. The
Moto2 rider frowned and shook his head slightly before putting both hands palm
down on the step either side of himself. “You ok?”
Marc shook his head and closed his eyes. “No.”
Right. Fuck. Jorge stared at him for a few seconds and wondered what to do.
Fuck! “What…what should I do?”
No response.
“What will help?” He instinctively turned to him and sort of froze, arms out as
though to grab him, no idea what to do. His brain flashed through what Dani had
said, ending on I’m not really sure what helps...
“MARC.”
“I don’t know.”
Great. “Fuck.”
“Don’t make me panic.” He put his head between his knees, eyes still closed,
and just about managed the words.
“Sorry. Parents? Alex?”
“No. Dani.”
Fuck fuck fuck. He’s not here. “Ok. Just…deep breaths.”
“Mm hmm.” Marc stayed still for a few seconds before he spoke again. “You
should call Dani.” Few more breaths. “Call Dani.”
Jorge pulled out his phone and started to dial before the conflict hit him.
Really? They’re right there. “Are you sure?”
“YES. Just you or Alex. Or Dani. Promise. NOT them.”
Promise? “Ok.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
“Ok.” Marc took a few more deep breaths and then seemed to relax slightly,
Jorge realising after a couple of seconds what had happened, when he didn’t
respond to the next question. Or the next.
He’s passed out…
He felt himself start to panic and leapt to his feet, wondering what to do
first, before reason kicked in and he knelt back down to the CatalunyaCaixa
rider and gently laid him on his side. Ok…now… He was just about to run inside
and break the promise when Marc moved again and sat up.
“Fuck.” He sat up and blinked groggily a few times at Jorge, frowning and
looking round at where he was. “Did I pass out?!”
The Mallorcan stared at him for a few seconds in relief before he sat back on
the step and nodded, phone already to his ear to call Dani, realising how wrong
his initial reaction might have been and how close to a potential mistake that
had come. “Yes.”
“Fuck.” Marc got up and dusted himself off, frowning at Jorge on the phone then
realising who it was he was calling as the phone was thrust at him and he heard
a faint ‘hello’.
“Don’t fucking tweet this time.” Lorenzo wagged his finger at him and smiled.
“I mean it. My trust run’s out eventually...”
Marc smiled and nodded before putting the phone to his ear and walking off up
the drive, needing both the privacy and the movement of his limbs to make him
feel sane again. Jorge watched him go and sighed, wondering what that must feel
like when the person it was happening to was the center of your world, and they
were two countries away from you, and unknowingly your job was seemingly on the
line and everyone wanted you to just let it go. He turned as he heard the door
go behind him and cringed, almost expecting Roser to come screaming out with a
fishing net and go chasing after Marc as he attempted to leave the property.
But it wasn’t. It was Alex.
The younger Marquez sat down in the space vacated by his brother and stared
forwards just as Marc had done. “Why are you still here?”
Jorge looked sideways at him and shrugged, noticing the blush and smiling.
“Don’t worry. I know what you mean. Not sure. Because...I'm trying. To help.”
Alex nodded and took that in. “Do you…well, what do you think? Of him being
gay?”
Jorge studied his face and frowned. “I don’t really think about it. And even
then it wouldn’t really matter…doesn’t change anything does it, what I think?”
“I guess not…”
“What do you think?”
Alex looked down at his feet and shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Oh, you do. “Really? Because you seem to be quite interested.”
“Do I?”
“Yeah. And you want to know why I think that is?”
Alex nodded and stared at him nervously. “Yeah…?”
“Because you’re feeling the same. Maybe you are gay, maybe you’re not. But
you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”
His eyes got even wider and he slowly nodded after a few seconds, looking away
down the garden again. “I think…I like someone. A guy.”
Jorge took a deep breath and nodded. “Right. Does Marc know?”
“Yeah.”
“Your parents?”
“No.”
“Right.” Fuck. Again, you’re going to fuck them both over if you keep doing
this… He thought about what it must feel like to have listened to that
conversation Marc had just had – assuming Alex probably had – and sighed.
“Don’t worry about it. And if you do, listen to Marc. Maybe don’t run off with
a MotoGP rider just yet…” Alex laughed and Jorge smiled, getting somewhere,
“…but he’s a good example, I’d say. In this case. But don’t ride like him.” The
Mallorcan narrowed his eyes and grinned. “Ride like me!”
The younger Marquez smiled again and nodded. “Right. Ride like you, act like
Marc?”
“Hmm…no, maybe not quite. I guess what I mean is, learn the best from me, and
the best from Marc, and the best from Dani and Casey and Valentino and Alonso
and Nadal and your friends and rivals and parents…learn it all, put it all
together and see how it can improve you. But don’t try and be them. Does that
make sense?” Jorge looked back at him, expecting possibly bored teenage eyes
and being met with burning orbs of intense interest instead. That might be a
yes…
“Yes. That makes sense.”
The Yamaha rider nodded and smiled. “Good. So I can get some things right,
then?”
Alex smiled and nodded before shrugging cheekily. “But I’m still a
Pedrosista...”
“Ouch.” Jorge put his hand over his heart and feigned pain. “That hurts.”
Alex looked worried before he realised it was sarcasm, and then laughed
nervously and looked away again. “I’m not sure what to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“Marc is leaving. And obviously it’s a big problem. But…I don’t understand why
it’s a problem. I don’t understand why…anything.”
“Right.” Keep the wisdom coming…maybe… “Your parents…well, your mother…I think
she’s just scared. She’s scared because Marc’s growing up and wanting to leave
and she doesn’t know what that means for her, or for Marc. And not only that,
he’s going to be with Dani. And Dani is older. And she’s worried that Dani is
trying to control Marc, or that he doesn’t want the best for your brother.
Don’t worry.” He noted the expression and shook his head. “Dani loves your
brother. Enough to gamble on me!” He shrugged at Alex and mirrored his smile.
“And enough to give an awful lot up to try and help him. And another problem is
that I don’t think they ever expected either of you to be gay, so that’s a
surprise. Their generation isn’t as accepting as ours sometimes, it just takes
a while longer. Basically, she hasn’t realised that she has to let go a little
bit. She has to let him go, even though she’s terrified he’ll come back
heartbroken, bankrupt and defeated, because she needs to realize that it’s not
up to her. My dad didn’t, and I did it anyway. I trusted the wrong person but I
made the right decision because it was mine. And sometimes, when you trust the
wrong person, it almost kills you. But when you do survive, you can only get
back up, and it only makes you stronger, and better.” He looked back at the
younger rider and smiled. “And trust me, Marc would get up. And trust me even
more, he will never have to.”
Alex looked back at him and stared for a few seconds, studying Jorge's face,
before staring back at the garden in darkness and nodding. “I believe you. I
trust Dani too. And Marc doesn’t fail. He just doesn’t.”
Jorge felt a lump appear in his throat for a second and nodded, wondering why
that had hit him so hard. Probably because I would kill to hear someone as
close to me as you are to Marc say that about me. And not because of
expectation. Because of belief.
“Want to know a secret?”
Alex nodded and smiled, curious.
“That’s why your mother is being like this. You’re both worth the battle.”
*
He tried. He tried really, really hard. But sat next to Jorge and talking to
Dani were two very different situations, and just like when the pressure had
exploded when he’d got outside, as soon as he was out of sight of the Yamaha
rider and he could hear Dani’s voice, he just went. He sat down somewhere on
the lawn and then lay down completely, resting his head back on the grass and
staring at the stars.
“Talk to me. Why are you on Jorge’s phone again? Are you in bed? I’m guessing
not?”
Marc took a deep breath and tried not to sniffle, which was unsuccessful. “He
called you because…I went dizzy. I passed out. But I’m ok now and he passed the
phone straight to me.”
“Oh. You passed out?!”
“Yeah. Don’t.” Don’t make me panic. Don’t ask me for that 1% right now.
Dani sighed and realised it was one of those moments again; having learnt the
tone of 'don't' and all its complexities. “Sorry. But you’re ok now.”
“Yeah, physically I’m ok.”
Ah. Oh God. “You talked to them, didn’t you?”
Marc nodded and watched the stars move up and down as he did, voice cracking
and finally making it painfully obvious how upset he was. “Y-Yeah.”
Dani immediately clenched his jaw and tried everything to keep his voice a
peaceful, soothing lie. “Was it not good?”
“No. It was offensive and insulting and upsetting and disappointing. And I’ve
never been so angry.” Marc sniffed again and coughed slightly, aware that he
was essentially just blubbing down the phone. “I’m sorry.” He took a few ragged
breaths and tried to control himself, letting out a long whistle of air. “I’m
sorry.” There were a few seconds of almost audible sobbing before he finally
got it back under control. "Ok."
Dani shook his head and did his own version of the same thing, putting his hand
over his eyes where he was lying in bed and feeling the frustration and
desperation claw at him at not being able to be there. “Don’t be sorry. I’m
sorry I’m not there. Are you on your own?”
“Yeah, I’m lying on the grass staring at the sky. Jorge is sat near the house
with Alex. My parents are inside.”
“Ok. He’s still there?”
“Yeah. He’s still here. I didn’t mean to start the conversation with him here,
or Alex, but I did. He didn’t say anything. But he helped after, and when I
passed out. And called you.”
“Good. Ok. So What happened?”
Marc sighed. “More of the same. I stayed calm, though. And she said basically
that I couldn’t move in with you, so I said ok, how will you stop me? And she
didn’t really answer, but she said I couldn’t legally do it. And that they’d
cut my money off. So I said…Dani is paid enough. And that it’s not so long
until I’m 18, so even if they won and got me deported from Switzerland, it
wouldn’t be for long. And it would be unforgiveable.”
Dani swallowed hard and nodded to himself. God. “Right. Ok. I see why you’re
upset.”
“I…just…I don’t know. It’s..." He felt himself go again slightly and clenched
his teeth. "It's breaking my heart even though I know I’m doing the right thing
and even though I know that all I want and all I will ever want is to be with
you. And I don’t understand why it’s not obvious! Isn’t it obvious to you?!
It’s obvious to me. I look different in the mirror. I can see you in the mirror
and I don’t know why it has to be this hard. I don’t know why…” He stopped and
took a deep breath. “I don’t know why they can’t see that I was drowning and
all they’re doing is pulling me down.”
That’s exactly what I feel. “I know. I know. But it doesn’t come from spite-”
“I know, I know too. I understand it in a way…I understand it if you’re looking
at Kid A and Parents A. But it’s not. It’s ME. Maybe that sounds arrogant but…I
don’t know. I thought I…I thought I deserved more …respect, I guess. I thought
I was dealing with my parents, not a scenario in a book. They're supposed to
be...” He stopped and bit his lip again. "They're supposed to be on my side.
And I keep waiting and waiting and somehow I still believe that soon it will
all just click...and it doesn't. She's just not...listening."
“I know.” He heard Marc start to sniffle again and wiped his own eyes. “Just
please, please don’t cry. Or cry, but just close your eyes and imagine I’m
there and know that soon, I will be. Because it will all be reality soon, and
all this will be easier to deal with. Slowly, and maybe painfully, but...we'll
get there.”
No answer.
“We need to just take a step back and take a deep breath. And tomorrow
everything will be packing and planning and not just…being upset and arguing.
Because like you said, they can’t stop you. I’m not telling you to run away,
ok? I’m just saying…do what you think is right, for you. And I love you and I
miss you and I’d do anything to make this ok.”
“I know.”
“I know you know.”
There were a few seconds of silence as Marc got back to his feet and took a
deep breath, starting back towards the house, where he could see Jorge talking
to Alex in the pool of light just outside. “Dani?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you. I hope you’re not getting bored of hearing it because I’m not
getting bored of saying it.”
“It will always be the most exciting thing in the world." Dani took another
deep breath and tried to make it sound like he wasn't a complete mess."Go and
sleep, and wake up tomorrow to make the best of the last couple of days. And
bring that stuff from your bedside cabinet…” Cough. ”If you know what I mean…”
Marc stopped and took another deep breath, suddenly managing a smile and
feeling the intended effect of the lighthearted reminder of who he was when he
was himself. “I know exactly what you mean. I wouldn’t forget that…” He set off
again and nodded at Jorge as he came back into view, smiling in response to a
smile and feeling just a little bit better to see some concern leave the Yamaha
rider's face. Some people would be skeptical... “So I will do all of that. I
love you, I need you, and I will see you very very soon.”
*
She’d been on her way out to see if Jorge had gone yet when she’d seen Alex go
outside, and hovered just inside the door to listen. Marc obviously wasn’t
there, and she tried to control that sliver of panic as to where he actually
was, hearing Alex start asking questions. Innocent and simple at first, and the
answers irritated her with their innocent and simple replies, feeling that same
feeling she’d felt before and wanting this almost stranger to just leave them
to it. Feeling her heart pound as she heard Alex say things she never expected.
But then the older rider's answers got less simple. Not in language; they were
very much tailored towards Alex and put as simply as possible, but she kept
listening and was eventually leaning on the door in silent floods of tears,
wishing she could have just recorded it and played it to Marc to take some of
the venom out of his face when she tried to explain why she had said what she
had.
Even if he does come back heartbroken, bankrupt and defeated...
***** Same Time, Same Place *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm not at home and haven't got my computer with me so this is a lot
     less than I wanted to write! I've been looking over my shoulder a lot
     ;)
     Enjoy...! <3
Dani woke up much earlier than he’d wanted to, and couldn’t get back to sleep.
All he’d dreamed about all night was Marc not coming to Geneva, Marc cheating
on him with Pol Espargaró, Marc crying down the phone to him, and Marc’s
surgery going wrong. He woke up feeling even further away than he’d felt when
he eventually got to sleep.
But he had to go to Milan, and he had an event to do. And, probably, millions
of questions to answer. And thinking through the answers made him think through
everything and how strange it was that this Moto2 rider was suddenly the center
of everything. Valentino had faded, Jorge had surfaced, his house suddenly had
a purpose, and suddenly his life had a path. And all within less days than he
could count on his hands and feet. Although you don’t generally drive to
someone’s house to try and make them let you hug them just because you like the
way they ride a bike. He smiled as he remembered the five or six full minutes
he’d stood at his hire car trying to decide whether to go or not, trying to
decide whether the warm smile and eager, excited eyes he’d always got from Marc
meant as much as he hoped they did. And then that first moment when he’d
realised that they did. Not consciously; that was when he woke up and got
kissed. But subconsciously, the moment when he’d knelt down in front of him and
grabbed his hands had been it, really. He’d been replaying it in his head and
he’d realised that that moment had been the shock moment, and that he’d even
seen that in Marc. It wasn’t surprise at the boundary being crossed that had
sent that jolt through the younger rider, as he’d first thought. It was the
moment when they both went from wondering ‘if’ to just waiting for the ‘when’.
He walked down to the lake before having breakfast as the idea of Marc actually
getting there started to get more real; imagining how it was going to be to
have breakfast down there, and drive around the lake and just generally get
some freedom back from the oppressive atmosphere of Catalunya. He loved his
home region, but here, not everyone recognised him. People were either there to
get their own peace or to work at the UN and all the other organisations in the
city. Geneva was neutral ground, and that was precisely why he lived there.
Plus the good training options and fresh air.
He took a deep breath of that air and was just about to turn round and go back
inside when his phone pinged and he pulled it out.
Marc: I bet you’re awake? ;) Good morning my love. I’m awake too.
Morning! ‘My love’? Have you been reading books again, my love?
Marc: Just the words written on my heart ;) I like it. Boyfriend doesn’t
describe you, you know that. Want to see something funny?
Yes.
A picture appeared and Dani laughed.
He stayed the night, then?
Marc: He did. I didn’t have chance to tell him how many times we had sex on
that…might tell him in a minute when he wakes up ;) haha
Dani grinned and shook his head. But he’s being so well behaved! Don’t push him
haha (do, and take a picture of his face!) Are you feeling better now?
The phone started to ring and Dani grinned, able to admit to himself that the
text instead of call had been a bit disappointing.
“Hey.”
The Catalunya Caixa rider kept his voice low and Dani guessed he was still near
Sleeping Lorenzo. “Morning. Yeah I’m fine now. The stuff in the garage is
packed and I’ve stolen my Jerez Circuit mug back from the kitchen…now just have
to wake this guy up…” Marc’s voice faded as he obviously moved the phone away
from his face slightly and coughed, “…and do the bedroom.”
“How long have you been awake?!”
“Only a couple of hours…”
Right. It’s 6.44am. “Are you by any chance excited?”
“It’s already the best day of my life, not counting race days and days when
you’ve actually been with me. Yes, I am EXCITED.”
Dani felt a weight lift at the genuine positivity and smiled to himself. “Good.
Me too. I’m sat down at the lake and I was thinking about you. When are you
getting here?”
“Tomorrow. I’m going to fly with essential stuff and get the rest shipped over.
Actually I might book the flight now and give Jorge a bit more peace.”
“Good idea. I don’t know if he’s changed since then but the first and only time
I’ve seen him get woken up too early before is also the first and only time
I’ve ever seen Dani Amatriaín cry.”
“Oh dear. Right. Might leave that a while then. Might let my mother do it.
It’ll be another lovely shirtless MotoGP rider on the sofa moment.”
Dani laughed then frowned. “He’s on the sofa?! You have a spare room?!”
“He went to sleep before I could tell him that. The shirt was on then, I’d like
to make clear. In fact…it might not just be the shirt...” There was a faint
rustle and then a light cough. “It’s not just the shirt! Ok. I’m leaving him
there.”
Dani laughed and shook his head. “Please do.”
“Hands away, don’t worry.”
“Good.”
“My eyes aren’t, though…”
“Stop it!”
“It’s a good view. You feel secure enough for me to admit that?” Marc laughed
cheekily and Dani could imagine the grin.
“Yes.” With him.
“Good. Ok, I’m going to book the flight. How are you getting to Italy?”
“Don’t know. I have to be there at 4, so I’m not sure. Might ride. I actually
have a licence…”
“Ooh nice! Let me know. I need to know how much to worry.”
Know the feeling. “I will. Let me know which flight you book?”
“I will. I’ll talk to you tonight, yeah? I hope they don’t rip you apart at the
Q and A.”
“Thanks, I wasn’t worried about that at all.”
“Sorry.” There was a pause as the sunny mood suddenly got reminded that tonight
would be another night to wait, and that the world outside was equally as
hostile as Marc's house, Dani wondering if Marc was thinking the same and then
smiling to himself as the next question confirmed it. “You staying in Milan?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok. I’ll see youtomorrow!Have a good time. I’ll sort everything here and then
let you know. BE CAREFUL.”
“You too. I love you.”
“I love you too. Bye.”
*
Marc put the phone down just as his brother walked in, smiling at him and about
to say ‘Good morning!’ before Marc indicated the sleeping Mallorcan and
‘shhh’ed him. Marc motioned him back out the room with him and frowned
slightly, noticing the slight pink on Alex’s cheeks as his eyes met Jorge’s
chest. The naked MotoGP rider on the sofa effect. For someone who is definitely
attracted to men.
“Morning. You sleep ok?”
“Yeah.” Alex smiled at him and nodded. “Why is he still here?”
“He fell asleep when I went to the bathroom. We were playing COD.”
“Oh. Ok.”
“You just blushed. Like the view?”
Alex went bright red and his eyes widened. “No?!”
“Whatever you say.” Marc smirked at him and shrugged. “Don’t fight it. But
don’t look at him. I’ve seen his phone. He’s very very straight.” He grinned at
Alex’s face and shrugged. “Yeah.”
Marc suddenly looked at him again and realised that this was the last day he
was going to be there for a while, and that that was positive in all ways
except one, and that one was there.
“I’m going to miss you.”
Alex smiled sadly and nodded. “I’m going to miss you.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds before Marc heard footsteps at the
top of the stairs and dragged Alex quickly into the garage connecting door and
out of sight, wanting to watch his mother discover the naked Yamaha rider on
the sofa. She came down the stairs slowly and made it to the doorway before
they heard a shocked ‘Ohh!’, giggling as she reappeared in their line of sight,
shielding her eyes and blushing profusely. She then rewound her path and stood
in the doorway and stared for a few seconds. Marc and Alex looked at each other
in shocked glee, whispering.
“She’s not looking…”
“She is.”
Marc bit his lip to stop himself laughing before getting better control of
himself and standing up a little straighter, pushing the door open to reveal
them.
“Morning!”
His mother jumped again and made the same shocked ‘ohh!’ noise before going
bright red. Marc smirked and shrugged.
“They just see me and their clothes drop off.”
Roser narrowed her eyes before tutting slightly and shaking her head.
“Just…tell him to get dressed, please.”
“I will. And yeah, I was joking.” He turned back to his brother before he could
see any more reaction and smiled a bit brighter. Last chance we have… “Want to
go for a run?”
Alex stared back and then grinned. Last chance. “Yes.”
Marc nodded and felt a pang of something hit him slightly, realising that that
simple offer shouldn’t really have meant as much as it obviously did.
“Race?”
*
The ride down was complete heaven, or as close to that as was possible with
Marc not there. The sun was shining but the winter meant the leathers weren’t
too hot, and there was snow on the tops of some of the mountains but not on the
roads. And being on a bike again without the guilt of watching Marc watch him
enjoying himself was much needed.
The event was less fun. The arrival was ok, Dani going for the Jorge idea and
keeping the visor down until he was free of prying eyes, and the staff and
people involved were nice. But the questions were hard. He’d never enjoyed
things like this – when it was journalists and not fans asking the questions –
and when all of them were essentially asking him why he put his penis inside a
man instead of a woman, it had seemed to last forever. By the time he got the
nod and posed for the final few photos, the words “You and Marc Marquez” had
probably been said between 200 and 300 times. Some acceptingly curious, some
venomously outraged. All boringly repetitive.
He accepted the offer of a meal and had a nice night with the organisers, whose
questions and conversation were much more varied although also much more
cautious, before he excused himself to call Marc for a flight update. He
finished the call with a ‘love you’ before logging in to Twitter and checking
for any more reactions. Any excuse for a couple more minutes peace. Or that had
been the original intent.
@ValeYellow46: @26_DaniPedrosa did you have the chicken or the tuna? ;)
Dani frowned and smiled. What?!
@26_DaniPedrosa: @ValeYellow46 no I had salmon??!!
@ValeYellow46: @26_DaniPedrosa oh! Me too. @NickyHayden had steak.
Dani looked up and left and right as he realised they must be in the same
restaurant. Oh, fate. Thank you once again.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @ValeYellow46 @NickyHayden are you here with Ducati? Where?
@ValeYellow46: @26_DaniPedrosa no, we’re here on a date ;) turn around!
Dani read it and took a deep breath as a shiver ran down his spine, slowly
turning and finding a grinning Valentino Rossi staring at him from across the
room, eyes shining.
And they’re so blue.
***** The Replacement *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry it's been a while! Australian time in the UK is hard to keep ;)
     Your responses make the guilt worse and the effort worthwhile :) <3
For the first 3 seconds, Dani was completely lost. The mixture of expressions
swirling in those blue eyes was intoxicating. Excitement, frustration, lust,
hurt, regret, hope and as always, a little bit of mischief, all staring at him
from above a half smile. It took the Honda rider 5 or 6 paces to even notice
Nicky sat next to him and another 3 to pull his eyes away from those eyes and
manage to acknowledge him with a smile and a nod. The American smiled back at
him and nodded, looking to his right and frowning slightly as Dani locked eyes
with his Ducati teammate once again, tunnel vision pulling them both in closer.
And it’s all on Twitter in public. For Marc to see. Dani stopped as he reached
the table and took a deep breath, Nicky still assessing the strange intensity.
“Hi.”
Vale tilted his head up as he readjusted to the lesser distance between them,
eyes still staring, the razor sharp line of his jaw sending another small
shiver down Dani’s spine as the Italian smiled and raised an eyebrow, as though
to signal some sort of challenge.
Resist me.
Dani swallowed, hard, and felt himself give a sideways smile in return.
Here we go…
*
The Mallorcan had left pretty quickly after having woken up on the sofa, the
quick flash of embarrassment almost instantaneously replaced by the smirk of
noticing how many glances were noticing him. And he had noticed, since he’d
found out about Marc and Dani, how many more looks and comments he was starting
to reassess – he’d never considered the possibility before of someone in the
paddock actually being gay, and it made life more interesting.
But now, the sun was out and the day was beautiful, and he was alone and free.
Away from the press, away from the pressure of the Márquez house, and away from
the strange new dynamics that were starting to emerge around him. The only
cloud that did keep popping up in his mind was the conversation with Casey and
the vibration he kept feeling in his pocket as his phone was called and texted,
but every time he got to a corner and emerged the other side confronted with
another sunlit view, even that wasn’t even enough to really bring the mood
down.
He got back down into the city and took the opportunity to take a slight risk
and ride through the center, winding through the traffic and tunnels until he
was stopping at the lights on Passeig de Colom, sea to the right sparkling
bright blue, matching the Yamaha underneath him. Another bike pulled up
alongside and he risked a glance, grinning to himself as he saw the replica
helmet staring back at him. He waited until he thought the lights must be
changing to green soon before lifting one hand to his visor and flipping it up,
staring over and wondering if the rider would know, watching the reaction as
his almost-reflection did the same and their eyes met for a second.
And then they were green, and the visor was down again, and he was gone.
And his phone buzzed again.
*
Marc had booked the same flight Dani had got the day before. Like he’d said to
the older rider, he could have done everything in a day, but going for the run
with Alex had been good for him, and for his brother, and the delay had only
meant that he was finished and ready by 7.30pm instead of 5, leaving the
following day free for goodbyes. The olive branches from his mother had been
coming thick and fast all day, and as much as it hurt to not just grin and say
all was forgiven, he’d decided as he’d gone to sleep the night before that it
couldn’t be that easy, because it was important that she knew, and that she
understood that it had to end. He hadn’t been rude; he’d been neutral. And he’d
even had help packing the contents of his room until he’d reached the things
that should never be shown to parents and eagerly suggested they go and make
him a coffee, whirling around the room as they left and gathering it all in a
well-hidden pile at the bottom of his bag.
If I get searched at security…
But now it was evening and it was his last evening there, so they were sat
around the table with some wine, eating. And he was almost content. Missing
Dani, remembering when he’d climbed over the table in the candlelight, excited
for the future; but content.
He took the call from the Honda rider at the table and relaxed slightly as his
mother said nothing, ending the call with a slightly self-conscious ‘love you
too’ before putting the phone down and smiling to himself as they carried on
eating. It’s actually all working out ok...
His phone glowed again and he picked it up to see who the message was from,
frowning.
Dani: I didn’t know they were in the same hotel, promise. Love you.
Marc stared up at his brother and then back down at his phone. What?!
He was about to reply before he figured there must be a reason why the HRC
rider thought he knew something he didn’t, logging into Twitter and stalking
him in confusion.
Oh.
He clenched his jaw as he read through the little exchange, trying to stay calm
and rationalise the winks and reasoning in Valentino’s decision to tweet it
instead of just going over to Dani in the restaurant, away from prying eyes.
The reason behind it being that he wants me to see…
Another tweet popped up and Marc felt his blood pressure spike further.
@ValeYellow46: Hey @marcmarquez93 he says he misses you! ;) Next time?
The picture was innocent enough if you didn’t know the history. But when you
did, the distance between Nicky and Vale seemed normal. And the distance
between Dani and Vale seemed very, very small.
But I trust him.
He called the Honda rider back and felt the paranoia grow with every unanswered
ring.
I trust him...
*
It wasn’t as bad as he’d expected. 3 calls from Yamaha about upcoming events
which he’d returned, a couple of messages from Ricky to which he’d responded in
person as he’d pulled into his drive and found his fellow Spaniard happily
swimming laps in his pool, two missed calls from foreign numbers he didn’t know
and a missed call from Casey. He sat down outside and watched Ricky huff and
puff through his training as he replied to emails and then finally took a deep
breath and called the first unknown back. He’d been told explicitly that that
was a bad idea – ‘if you don’t know them you probably shouldn’t’ being the
official advice – but the story was becoming complex and he’d realised when
Dani had had to use Twitter to contact him that Aleix, Ben, Casey and, in a
weird reminder of the past 3 years, Valentino being the only other MotoGP
riders with his number was a bit annoying in this scenario.
It rang a few times and he was about to give up before a there was a bang and a
yelled ‘HELLO!’, whoever it was obviously having made quite an effort to answer
before it went to voicemail.
And in English.
“Hello. It’s Jorge. Lo-” He stopped himself saying his surname as he realised
he still didn’t know who it was. “You called me?”
“Hi, yeah I did! How are you?”
Jorge clicked who it was and smiled. Cal. “Oh it’s you! I’m ok. How are you?”
“Yeah not bad. Bit bruised.”
Jorge smiled to himself and nodded as Ricky got out the pool and walked over,
pointing to his glass and wondering if he wanted a refill. Are you just calling
for a chat then?! “I know the feeling. You calling for some riding tips?”
“Pffff. Yeah right. No, I’m calling because I’m confused and Matt said you were
a good idea to call.”
Ah. That made sense – the presenter was also a translator and had translated
his book. And had his number. “Oh, ok. Why are you confused…this time?”
Cal laughed and there was another quiet bang and some swearing that made Jorge
laugh under his breath in response. What are you doing…?!
“Thanks. No…I’m confused because I got a very interesting phone call this
morning from my manager. Don’t tell anyone, ok? There’s only him, me and Matt
know. And you. But I got a call from Honda.”
Jorge felt his heart sink and the pretense of hoping to brush the Pedrosa
career clouds under the carpet disappeared. Shit. “Right. Ok…why are you
telling me?”
“You were in Cervera right? And I saw you talked to Dani on Twitter. And you
know Casey pretty well. So I thought you might be a good neutral person to ask:
what the fuck is going on?”
How much do you know already? “With what?”
“Well they were calling to enquire about my contract with Tech3 basically,
because they were ‘looking at further options for the Honda Racing Project in
2012.’ Any ideas? And so you know, I turned it down. Well…there was no offer or
anything concrete, but I told them I was happy as a Yamaha rider.”
“Right. Ok…” Jorge took a deep breath and gratefully accepted the drink that
Ricky had now returned with. “Well…Honda aren’t happy with the…Pedrosa
situation.”
“What?! It wasn’t his fault he got thrown on the floor again this season!”
“No, no…I don’t mean that. I mean…the other situation.”
There was a pause from the other end of the line and Jorge waited with bated
breath as he wondered how much he should say, and how much he should have
called Casey back first.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. I talked to Casey about it. They tried to say it was more about him
citing ‘personal reasons’ and missing an event, but…well…”
Cal made the same noise Jorge had made in his conversation with the Australian
the day before. “Fuck.”
“I know.” He thought through his options as he took a sip of his drink. “Ok.
Don’t do anything. Or say anything. Dani doesn’t know anything yet I don’t
think…I missed a call from Casey on the ride back too so I’ll call him now and
call you back. Ok?”
“Sure. I’m cycling home now…assuming I don’t get blown into the sea, I’ll be
back there in 20 minutes. And ride back? I know you definitely don’t have a
licence…”
“Yes, I know. Shhhh. And ok, no problem. Bye...”
Jorge put the phone on the table and growled at the sky, earning a frown from
Ricky.
“Ok?”
“No.” The Mallorcan downed his drink and slammed the glass back on the table,
suddenly feeling all the frustration bubbling up. “I am not a manager,
counsellor or fucking career advisor.”
His friend frowned back at him and shrugged. “Dani again?”
“Yes and no.” He took a few slow breaths and shrugged. “It’s ok. It’s not his
fault. It’s just…” He growled again slightly and took a long, disapproved-of
gulp of his fellow rider’s drink, “…the world seems to enjoy fucking itself
over.”
Ricky nodded and shrugged in return. “Do we need to watch Happy Feet again?”
The 2010 World Champion looked sideways at him and smiled, eyes narrowed in a
glare. “I take back what I told you about that film.”
“It’s ok.” His fellow Spaniard patted him on the shoulder and grinned. “The
security blanket secret is safe with me.”
The Mallorcan smiled and shook his head before picking up his phone again and
dialling the Aussie, hoping that in the lapsed 2 hours he hadn’t gone to sleep.
*
“Ok, I talked to Casey. He didn’t know anything, and he was asleep. He was
calling to see if I knew anything. Now he’s awake and calling Livio.”
Cal equally disposed of the greeting. “Right. Well…I guess I’ll just keep quiet
and try and forget about it, then. I’m surprised they called me, though. But I
guess they called a few people, they sounded like they were just sounding it
out.”
The Yamaha Factory rider’s heartrate amped up as he realised that was probably
true. And who else would they call…? Dovi again? Ben? Bautista? Bradl? The
obvious one would have been Marc... “Right…yeah, I guess just wait and see what
happens…”
“Yeah. Sounds good. I’m going to get naked now.”
Lorenzo rolled his eyes with a grin and shook his head. “Getting ready to tweet
Dani another picture? Or is Matt there?”
“Ha! No. Shower. Something you should do more often. Chao…”
“You should take your own advice. And goodbye.”
Jorge put the phone down again before suddenly getting to his feet, undressing
in a flurry save for boxers and jumping in the pool, feeling the shock of the
cold water wash some of the stress away and floating as he stared up at the
sun.
Just let everything cool off for a while and then decide. Tell Marc, tell Dani,
or tell no one.
His phone started ringing again on the table and he suddenly realised there was
something else he hadn't considered.
They might well call me.
***** The Yoko Factor *****
He’d decided to run for the call, in that classic ‘pause too long then have to
rush’ way, and had ended up wiping both his soaking hands down the front of an
unsuspecting Cardus’s t-shirt, giving him an apologetic look and grabbing the
phone as the protest was lost in the sound of him answering.
“Hello?”
“Hello. I have a call for Jorge Lorenzo.”
The Yamaha rider felt his heart hammer and met Ricky’s inquisitive gaze with a
dark scowl, pointing down at the magazine on the table and underlining the
words ‘Repsol Honda’ on the cover. His friend’s mouth rounded into a shocked
little ‘o’ as Lorenzo responded positively and sat down on the chair on the
other side of the table with a squelch, suddenly shivering under the winter sun
and smiling gratefully as Ricky threw him a couple of towels.
He snuggled down and waited for the call to connect, wondering what he should
say and who it would be on the other end of the line. And what Livio had said
to Casey.
*
The first mistake was where he sat, and that was obviously avoidable, because
he’d automatically sat next to Vale and not Nicky. Habits could reappear
easily. The second was not moving the chair slightly further away. It was
close. The kind of close that made you scared to breathe all the way out. And
that was fine when you were trying to fit a lot of now-disappeared Ducati
personnel around one table, because they weren’t hit with the memory of
sleeping with each other every time they accidentally touched, or so Dani
assumed. But when you were hit with that, and you couldn’t do anything about it
without sending some sort of message, you definitely didn’t breathe all the way
out.
The spell had been broken to an extent, in that he could now switch between eye
contact with each of the Ducati riders, but every time he looked back at the
Italian a little fizz hit him in the stomach and he was sure that, every time
it happened, it was reflected in his eyes. And the Tavullia rider seemed to be
picking up on that just fine.
They hadn’t really talked about much, and Dani was eternally grateful that the
faint frown of possibility had faded from the Kentucky rider’s face, because
Nicky was the only thing grounding the conversation in the small talk and
happily chatting about random things. Chad Reed, what music he was currently
enjoying, what his nieces were doing, mountain bikes, training; everything was
avoiding that little globe of stressful topics that Dani wished to avoid.
Eventually, however, that made the American relax to the point of finally
breaching that gap and daring to ask the question.
“So…how about you and Marc?”
Dani smiled at him as his stomach flipped slightly, and then made mistake
number three: he immediately looked back at Valentino. The little fizz in his
stomach exploded into a loud bang as the Italian took a sip of wine and locked
his eyes on Dani’s, neck muscles taught and tantalising, spark of questioning
mischief reignited even brighter than before.
How about it?
*
He’d called twice before he’d given up and gone back to the bright, slightly
misleading smile he’d been using all day, nodding at the ‘Are you ok?’ asked of
him and feeling a sudden flash of panic make his face go hot.
What if she’s right?
It hadn’t crossed his mind before, not even in passing. The idea of his mother
being right was one that he’d not even really listened to, let alone
considered. But suddenly, sat at the table with his phone in his hand staring
at a picture of his boyfriend sat unexplainedly close to the person who had
made him discover his bisexuality had made that possibility the loudest thing
in his head.
And not even discover: enjoy.
Alex seemed to catch on to his panic and frowned questioningly at him over the
table, not really buying the smile and the nod. Marc just stared back and took
a few deep breaths, trying everything he could to erase the picture from his
mind.
Enjoy.
Dani had enjoyed it, Marc knew that, because if he hadn’t he probably never
would have dared to turn up in Cervera when he did. But Dani had been hurt.
Which meant that Dani had cared. And what had hurt him, ultimately, was
Valentino’s attitude. The way he’d been incapable of admitting he cared even
though his actions usually said that he did. The way he had ended it.
The way he’d never apologised.
That was the thing that even made him remember that it had happened, Dani said.
The thing that still stung slightly.
Another wave of hot, blinding panic hit the Moto2 rider as he thought back to
the conversation he’d had with Dani when he’d got back to Geneva. The
voicemail.
“He was…apologizing. For…how he acted. With me. In the past. It was strange. He
sounded…different.”
Marc suddenly got to his feet and put both palms down on the table top.
“I need some fresh air.”
He looked up into concerned faces and shook his head.
“Not that. My head is fine.”
He followed the same path he had when he’d walked past Jorge and outside the
night before, feet moving twice as quick, and sat in the same place on the step
outside.
“I think he’s just thinking about the past…”
Marc took a deep breath and nodded to himself.
But areyou?
*
They both looked at Alex as though he had the answer, and although he did,
having just seen the tweet himself, he just shrugged and smiled.
“Probably just needs some space. Sad about leaving.”
He ignored the disbelieving glances and carried on with his food, and then
started to worry himself, because Marc was still nowhere to be seen.
“Ok, I’ll go and check he’s ok.”
He walked out and felt himself calm slightly as he saw his brother sitting on
the step, upright and healthy, before frowning and pausing as he noticed his
shoulders moving.
He’s crying.
Alex stared at his back for a few seconds before walking further and making a
bit more noise so it seemed like he hadn’t yet noticed.
“You ok?”
Marc jumped slightly at the sound of his voice and looked up, sniffing and
trying to remove the traces of the upset. “Yeah.”
His brother sat down next to him and shook his head. “Don’t lie. I saw the
tweets. Is that it?”
Marc smiled and looked down, shaking his head as though gratefully irritated
Alex hadn’t given it up. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“But…why?”
“Dani and Vale have history.”
Alex took a deep breath and nodded. “Oh. Right. So…?”
“So…I don’t know. I trust him. But…” He trailed off and shrugged helplessly at
his brother. “But.”
“Right…But it’s Dani.”
Marc laughed slightly and nodded. “It is. But it’s also Vale. Do you know what
I mean?” He looked sideways at his brother and noted the expression, smiling at
him slightly as he read it right and realised his parents were going to have
more accepting to do. “You DO know what I mean.”
His brother nodded and smiled knowingly. “I know what you mean. But it’s still
Dani.”
“I know.”
Alex studied him for a second then looked forwards again. “You know what Jorge
said?”
“No...?”
“When we were sat here. He said that you leaving was a problem because they
were worried Dani would hurt you.”
This isn’t helping… “Right…”
“But that they shouldn’t worry because if something knocks you down in life you
just have to get back up. And that you would always get back up.”
Marc was hit with a strange mixture of pride, irony and fear as he took that
in. He thinks I would. That wasn’t very true until Dani turned up. But he
thinks it’s possible? That Dani would knock me down?
“And then he said that you would never have to, because Dani would never do
that.”
Marc felt his eyes well up again and nodded gratefully at the shared
information, but still unable to shake the feeling. “Oh.”
“So…why are you crying?”
Marc took a deep breath and shrugged again. “Because of that. But also because
it made me think about the possibility of it. And the thought of it hurts, and
it hurts that I thought it. And then I started thinking about how it would feel
if Dani wasn’t here…”
Alex nodded, understanding everything that was meant by here, and they both
stared off into the distance before the younger spoke again. “But he is. Not
here here, but he’s waiting for you.”
Marc nodded. “I know.” But…
“And he’s not going to throw that away by fucking Valentino Rossi.”
Marc looked back at him and raised an eyebrow at this new, unfazed version of
his brother, suddenly realising that the lines he’d been given had more between
them that he hadn’t yet read. The younger Márquez stared back at him knowing he
knew and waiting for it.
“You’ve slept with a guy, haven’t you?”
Alex nodded and looked back up the garden.
“Yeah.”
*
The meeting was set for 3 days later, and Jorge felt a stab of insulting guilt
as he cancelled the call and looked at Ricky’s confused face staring back at
him. I'll deal with this later.
“I need to call Casey. Can you make dinner?”
He noted the puzzled nod in return and got to his feet, realising he was
probably going to need to pace for the next conversation.
“Thanks. Pasta?”
“No problem. What’s going on?”
Jorge pointed at the phone already ringing and started walking away. “Don’t
start another fire.”
Ricky gave him the finger and watched him go, wondering with a frown how it had
gone from the growling at the sky to suddenly private conversations with a
friendly rival turned possible future-teammate.
I’m not sure I’m the one who might start the fire.
*
The fourth mistake came straight after the third, but it took him a lot longer
to realise it. Nicky looked slightly embarrassed but nevertheless genuinely
interested, and like he was trying to not be embarrassed, as Dani smiled and
nodded and said the basics. They talked a while about reactions from people
before Dani got into the story a bit further; ‘Yeah, it just happened, I went
to Cervera, he’s moving in, he needs surgery’, how they had both been
interested for a while but no one made the move, they were happy, etc, etc,
wondering why Vale didn’t seem to react in the way he’d thought he would,
expecting jealousy or something similar and not seeing any; only interest and
something bordering on self-assuredness. That made him relax, and it was only
when they were in the lift together going back to their rooms that he realised
exactly why, and what mistake number 4 had been.
I was so purposefully casual that he actually believed it; believed that I’m
only quietly, timidly happy, and that Marc is just a nice addition to my life
instead of the center of it.
They got out as it pinged at them to announce their arrival, and Dani cringed
as Nicky turned left and waved goodnight, Vale instead turning right behind him
and following him round the corner until they were stood next to each other
pointing at opposite rooms at the end of the corridor.
“Another coincidence?”
The Italian smiled slowly as he looked down at him, suddenly seeming so much
claustrophobically closer, the Spanish rider sure he could feel his breath on
his cheek as he stared back.
Looks that way.
***** Pangs *****
Chapter Notes
     Woo, another one!!
     Let me know what you think...? Of...'everything'?? ;)
     And thank you <3
“So, obviously they’re going to want me, right?”
Casey chuckled to himself and Jorge felt the burn of accidental arrogance, true
or not. “Yeah, they’ll want you. Who else do you think they’ve called?”
“I don’t know. I wouldn’t think they’d go back for Nicky or Dovi, right? Maybe
Andrea, I’m not sure. They know they aren’t going to get Valentino-” Jorge
smiled to himself as he heard a disgruntled ‘urgh’ from down the line as Casey
considered being teammates with him “-and so I guess there’s Ben, Cal who they
did call, Bautista, Bradl…and then the one who I would sign, that I guess is
the only one they won’t call, which is Marc.”
“Right. I don’t think they’d call Ben though.”
“Why?”
“He only just settled at Yamaha. Too early. The amount they’d have to
pay…freeing Cal or the others would be cheaper. And they’d pay anything for
you.”
Jorge frowned guiltily as he felt another pang of temptation hit him.
“Anything?!”
“Well…yeah. If they don’t want Dani and Valentino is at Ducati, there’s me, and
there’s you. And they have me.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“Trust me when I say they will throw the world at you to try and get you to
sign. Signing you and me is basically like signing a contract to win
championships.”
“They’d give me that much?! We’re being arrogant.”
“Yeah but also kinda honest.”
Jorge laughed and shrugged to himself. Fair enough. “Ok so…do you know Alvaro
or Bradl? I’m guessing not.”
“No. But don’t the Espargaros know Alvaro?”
“Yeah! Ok good. That’s very good. I have dirt on Pol, this is good. I mean…I’m
sure they’ll just tell me anyway…”
Casey laughed and Jorge could imagine him nodding. “We became bad people really
quickly.”
“Well…no. But I know what you mean…” And I admit I’m imagining myself in
orange…
“Ok. Find out from Aleix if they called Bautista and I’ll try and get Puig on
the phone. Ok?”
“Ok.”
*
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Alex shook his head. “Nah.”
“Because you’re traumatised or because it’s private?”
“Just because it’s private.” He shot Marc a sideways smile and grinned
innocently at the cheeky curiosity on his brother’s face. “It was good, so I’m
fine. I’m all good.”
“Ok. Good.” There were a few seconds of silence before Marc looked back at him
again, all puppy dog eyes. “Ok pleeeeaassee tell me something…”
Alex sighed and shrugged in happy defeat. “What do you want to know? And DO NOT
ask any…parent questions.”
Marc smiled and crinkled his noise slightly at the adorable stress on his
brother’s face. Right, ok… “Ok. Who is he?”
“Less specific.”
“Ok…when?”
“The first time or the most recent?”
Marc’s eyes widened and he grinned again. “Woah! More than once, eh?” He poked
him in the ribs and shook his head in happy disbelief. “I’m sorry my gay
relationship has been stealing your thunder…or maybe I’m relieved?” They shared
a knowing glance before Marc looked at him expectantly again. “So…?”
“So…first time…fully…early November.”
“Right.” Marc’s brain whirred through possibilities and smiled at the word
fully. “And most recent?”
Alex looked at him guiltily and bit his lip. “Yesterday.”
The older brother’s eyes widened further and he punched him on the arm. “Wow.
Ok.”
“DO NOT tell anybody.”
“I won’t. So is he a rider, or…?”
“No, he doesn’t compete. But he rides.”
“Ok. Age?”
Alex made an ‘eek’ face before he answered. “Er…17.”
Marc face palmed slightly and shook his head. “Oh, well. That’ll go down well
if they find out.”
Alex nodded sadly and shrugged. “I know. And I’ve been riding pillion for
almost a month, pretty much every day.”
“That is also not popular.” Marc grinned and nodded. “That’s why you suddenly
wanted that plain black helmet, isn’t it?”
Alex nodded sheepishly and smiled. “Yeah…”
“Wow you are sly. Can I ask something else?”
“Yeah..?”
“Have you slept with a girl?”
Alex nodded and shrugged. “Once.”
“Ok. And which did you prefer?”
“The first time versus first time? Girl. But now…”
Marc nodded as he trailed off and shrugged. “Well, yeah. I guess that’s normal.
First time is always shit.” He suddenly clapped and grinned again. “Cristina!”
“What?! No, she was-”
“No, sorry! I mean, I lost my virginity to a girl when we were on holiday…and I
couldn’t remember her name before when I was talking to Dani.” Dani. “But it
was Cristina.” He waved his hand to signal ‘nevermind’. “Carry on.”
“Well…what do you want me to say?”
Marc suddenly locked eyes with him and wiggled his eyebrows, eyes wide and
knowing he was going to severely embarrass him. “Top or bottom?”
Alex went bright red and pursed his lips. “I-…”
“Too late.” He winked and got to his feet, pulling Alex up with him and dusting
his trousers off. “I can guess.”
Marc winked back at him as he dragged him back inside, pulling his phone out
his pocket and turning it off as a last resort in keeping his mind on positive
things, suddenly stopping and then wrapping Alex up in a hug, talking a lot
quieter in his ear.
“I’m so proud of you.”
“What for?”
“For just…being. And being ok with it.”
Right. Alex grabbed him a bit tighter and squeezed. “Thanks. But I think this
is the wrong way round.”
*
Dani woke up and groaned as he felt the effects of how late he’d gone to sleep.
Should have just gone over, said hello, and left.
But then Nicky would have been suspicious after that look…
He sat up and felt his heart start to burn as a few snippets of memory came
back to him, hanging his head and feeling himself go suddenly cold.
But then again, I wouldn’t have ended up doingthat.
*
Puig had gone crazier than Casey thought he’d ever heard before. It was now the
dead zone in the middle of the night in Australia, and the Honda rider kept
watching the moon cross the sky in great leaps and bounds as the phone calls
went on, and on, and Adriana appeared and disappeared as she woke and found him
still not there, came to check on him, then went back to bed. But Puig was the
worst call. His opening monologue had been short and confused, but the second
was absolutely incandescent, mostly just the words ‘I WARNED HIM!’ punctuated
by various other snippets of information that Casey found either unuseful or
unpleasant. He’d only managed to explain who he was and why he was calling
before the final 5 words he’d said; the ones that had caused the explosion.
“They’re trying to sign Lorenzo.”
*
He was distracted, and Ricky could understand why. But he was also completely
uncommunicative, and that was strange. Jorge in the paddock was quite talkative
nowadays, and Jorge amongst people he knew well was the same. But Jorge without
his logos and purpose and natural environment, distracted or annoyed, was the
same as the whole picture used to be: completely closed. And that was what he
was now, but there was only the two of them there. He’d tried to ask, only to
be met with a weary shake of the head and slow blink. And he knew what that
meant: I am currently regrouping. Try again later. Or: I am currently
conflicted. Please wait for the end of process.
And that was a whole different story.
He studied him and imagined him emblazoned with Repsol, finding the whole idea
strange and ridiculous. But he was going to meet them. And, from what he’d
heard of the call to Casey at least, they were going to offer him everything.
And Jorge had always had a problem with temptation. Girls, accessories,
shooting his mouth off…it had got better, but it wasn’t fixed. And the flurry
of phone calls all afternoon had seemed serious, and business-like.
And he likes Casey.
…but he also likes Ben.
Ricky pulled his eyes away and went back to the game on the TV.
But Honda made one hell of a bike last year…
*
He had tried to sleep, but he’d failed.
So he’d got up and was now sat at the kitchen table staring down at the same
magazine, in the same frustrating language, as he’d been holding in Sitges when
Dani had called Valentino.
Valentino.
He groaned to himself and flicked on a few more pages, wondering why it seemed
everyone in Catalunya had a copy of it, before coming face to face with himself
and stopping.
Was it Alberto’s magazine there, or Dani’s?
He flipped the cover to see where it was from and noticed the price written
next to a CHF. It’s Swiss. The pang of guilt came back as he realised it had
been Dani’s, and he’d had it with him from Geneva. Which meant he’d bought it
before they’d been together, and from what Marc could see, the article about
him was the only interesting thing in it.
Which is probably why we…well, They, have a copy here too.
He sighed and slipped it shut.
Trust.
*
He’d never packed so fast. Clothes in bag, toothbrush and toiletries rammed in
on top, leathers on, and helmet ready. Done.
He opened his door extremely cautiously and peeked out to see if there was any
sign of the Italian outside.
Nothing.
He made it to the lift and pressed the button, feeling like a deer in the
headlights stuck there waiting, before it pinged and he breathed a sigh of
relief as the doors closed him in, alone, tapping his leg as it made its way
down to the ground floor and released him into the lobby. He walked up to the
desk and smiled as best he could as he indicated he was checking out, finally
finding himself sat back on his bike, key in the ignition and ready for the
ride home.
Where Marc will be arriving a few hours after me.
He bit his lip and crossed his wrists over the fuel tank, resting his forehead
down onto his gloves and taking a deep breath to try and stop it escaping.
And I did it completely to myself. I broke my own heart. Somehow, that’s what
I’ve managed to do.
He sighed again before sitting up and turning the key, giving it a few handfuls
of throttle and feeling himself calm slightly as the noise roared through the
garage.
Maybe I’m being melodramatic.
Pol Espargaró suddenly popped into his brain and he shook his head to erase the
image.
Or maybe I’m being honest.
*
Marc looked over his shoulder one last time as he went through security,
nodding at his brother’s smile and mirroring the somewhat pained expression on
his mother’s face, watching a few people start to notice who he was and pull
out camera phones.
Go now. There is no Lorenzo waiting for you…
They did just that, and he turned back to the airport staff with a smile,
putting his bag through the machine and reaching the other side, suddenly
realising that it was the first time he’d been alone for a long time.
If anything happens now… He took a deep breath and shook his head. It would be
a bit embarrassing, but people would help, I would be fine, and I would still
get to Geneva. And Dani will still be waiting.
On cue, his phone rang and he picked it up on the second ring. “I’m on time and
on my way!!”
“Hello! And good! I’ll pick you up.”
“Yeah I assumed you would, but the offer is very kind.”
There was a slightly strained laugh from down the line that made Marc frown for
a second before he realised people were staring and he should probably move
away from security.
“You know what I mean. And I can’t believe you’re coming!”
“Oh, I will be.” Marc laughed and looked around just to make sure he wasn’t
being overheard. “Unless you’ve lost your magic touch.”
“I’ll try my best.”
“I know.” He took a deep breath and tried to sound casual. “So…you got back ok?
Had fun with the Ducati guys?”
“Y-yeah…just got back.”
Ignoring that bit? “Ok, good. Is it sunny?”
“No. It’s raining. A lot.”
Marc felt himself pout and averted his gaze from a girl over the other side of
the hall that he’d accidentally directed it at in his distraction. “Oh.
Ok…well…I guess it will be cosy, anyway.”
“Y-yeah. And I’ve missed you so much. You know that, right?”
Marc felt that same flutter of desperation at wanting time to move faster and
nodded to himself. “I’ve missed you. And I do know.”
Dani coughed slightly before he replied. “Good. Ok. I’ll see you later, ok?
You’re feeling ok?”
“I’m fine. I’m SO EXCITED it’s embarrassing. See you later. Love you.”
There was a short pause before the words came back at him again, much softer
and much more serious than the way he’d said them.
“I love YOU, too.”
***** Him *****
Chapter Notes
     Ok so....
     Firstly, this switches between the hotel in Milan the previous night
     and the car journey back from the airport in Geneva. I would put
     'flashbacks' in italics, but I use them for thoughts so it doesn't
     work, and seeing the place announced every time ruined the flow a
     bit. :)
     Secondly...don't know if I'm being too soft but this killed me
     slightly. May that be a slight warning...
     Thirdly, it all comes from one song, which is an absolute
     masterpiece. It's a Fleetwood Mac song called Silver Springs.
     Specifically, the live version from 'The Dance'. Youtube it, it
     basically wrote this chapter for me, and yeah I used a lot of lines
     from it. Classy tune.
     Fourthly, thank you. :)
“Ok…” Marc turned from the passenger seat and studied Dani’s face as they
turned off the motorway. “You’re being too quiet. What’s going on?”
The HRC rider sighed and nodded slightly. “I’m sorry. I just…it’s been a long
few weeks.”
“Are you having seconds thoughts about this?!”
“NO!” Dani almost swerved in his efforts to look back at the Moto2 rider, the
extreme amount of rain not helping. “I’m not having second thoughts. Never.”
“Ok. Good. Me neither.” He looked back out the window and frowned. “So what is
it? Did…” He took a deep breath and psyched himself up. “Did something happen
in Milan?”
I wanted him to have the perfect arrival, and feel at home. But this isn’t
either.
Dani made a split second decision and pulled over behind a line of parked cars,
the idea of trying to hide it all suddenly seeming like the stupidest idea he’d
ever had.
I wanted it to be perfect.
He turned and looked at Marc, studied the absolute dread on his face at the
reaction, and took a deep breath.
“Yeah. Something happened.”
The younger rider’s face changed from dread to shock, obviously not having
honestly expected that answer. He stared back at Dani, waiting and biting his
lip to stop from yelling or screaming at him, eyes narrowed and focused on the
older rider’s face.
“Explain. NOW.”
*
“Did you get my message?”
Dani stared up, completely captivated once again, and nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
“You never replied.”
“I…didn’t know what to say. Or if you wanted me to reply.”
Vale nodded and leaned back on his door, the lack of closeness briefly helping
Dani focus before the effect of the now being able to see all of him took over.
“Maybe I didn’t say I wanted you to reply. But I want to know what you think.”
He took a breath and shrugged slightly. “I want to know if I was wrong.”
“If what was wrong? The message or everything?”
The sound of a door opening round the corner made both of them stand up
straighter and Dani coughed slightly as Vale carried on.
“Everything. Can we talk about this? Please?”
“Not out here.”
The Italian turned to his door and opened it, standing against it to hold it
open, staring back at Dani in the way he used to before he knew he only had to
say a day and a time. The HRC rider clenched his jaw and made mistake number 5;
walking in and forced to brush his way past, and found himself stood in the
middle of the room without a clue as to how. Valentino closed the door and then
turned back to look at him. It was the first time Dani had really taken in the
whole sight, allowing himself the luxury of running his eyes over what used to
be his, or more what he used to want to be his so badly and was never honestly
given. White t shirt with some dark blue pattern in places, jeans that were, as
always, slightly scruffy, and a sharp black blazer adding the acceptability for
the restaurant he’d been wearing it in.
It was, Dani realised, shockingly similar to an outfit Marc had worn a few days
earlier. But I believe in coincidence. “Ok. What do you want to say?”
“I said a lot. I want to know what you think.”
Dani sighed and shrugged back at him helplessly. “What do you want me to say?
Really? I’m with Marc. It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters.”
The Ducati rider walked slowly over to him and Dani felt his heart rate hit
race pace before Vale diverted to his right and bent down to open the mini bar.
He pulled out a small bottle of whiskey and a glass and then sat himself down
in the chair next to him, Dani taking that as a cue to sit down too, on the end
of the bed opposite.
“Ok, so it matters. To you.”
“That’s what I want to know.” Vale unscrewed the cap of the bottle and poured
it out perilously slowly, long fingers looking even more elegant next to the
tiny bottle. “If it mattered to you.”
“What are you asking?”
“Did you care?” His eyes snapped back up to Dani’s and he raised an eyebrow.
“About me?”
The Honda rider felt the irritation start to build and tried to take a deep
breath. “How can you ask me something like that?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean.” Dani let out an exasperated sigh and shrugged, looking away and
studying the view out the window. “I already told you that.”
“Did you?”
“Yes.” He looked back and locked eyes with him. “I told you. Do you not
remember? Or did you choose to forget?”
A flash of hurt hit the Italian’s eyes and Dani was shocked at how he felt the
impact of that hit him in the chest.
“You told me. What? That you cared? You told me you liked me. You liked
spending time with me. You told me you missed me when I wasn’t there.”
“Yeah.” Dani nodded. “I told you. And you didn’t fucking reply.”
Vale sighed and took a sip of the whiskey, closing his eyes briefly and then
nodding. “I know. I didn’t…I didn’t know how-”
“So that’s it, right? That’s what happened. I cared, and you didn’t. Only now,
now that I’m happy, you suddenly want to go through all this again to make
yourself feel better.”
“I cared.”
Dani laughed slightly and shook his head. “You cared about racing, and sex, and
how it made you feel to see me want you. Not me.”
“No. That’s not fair.”
“I think it is.”
“No! It’s not fair because I fucking loved you.”
Dani felt the air go out of his lungs as they stared at each other for a few
seconds, shocked deep brown eyes studying wide regretful blue ones. “What?”
“Yeah.” He sighed and shrugged at him in defeat. “I never said it. And I’m
sorry that I never said it. And I’m sorry that I let you go.”
“You didn’t let me go. You sent me away.”
Vale nodded and bit his lip as he looked away out the window. “I did.”
“People who love you don’t do that.”
“Don’t they?” He looked back and shrugged helplessly. “I did.”
“Don’t even…just don’t. I can’t deal with this now, ok? You had your chance,
and you showed perfectly well exactly how you felt when you made that call. Do
you remember that?”
“Of course I fucking remember it.”
“Go on then, tell me what you said.”
“I said that it was getting too complicated and that we had to stop seeing each
other. I made a joke about something stupid, and then I listened to you trying
to tell me that I shouldn’t be doing this to you, and I pretended that I didn’t
hear how upset you were, and then I put down the phone and I cried.”
Dani stared and felt his eyes start to fill up. “What?!”
Valentino smiled sadly, eyes looking similar to Dani’s, and nodded.
“So I remember it fine.”
*
Marc could feel his heart hammering and could almost hear it above the sound of
the engine before Dani turned off the ignition and it became deafening in his
ears.
“Explain. Please explain. Please.”
Dani nodded and his bottom lip wobbled slightly. “I’m sorry.”
“Just fucking EXPLAIN.” Marc threw his phone from his hand onto the dashboard
and suddenly felt like he just wanted to run, and run, and run, and jump in the
lake, unable to stop himself shouting, watching Dani grimace as the words hit
him. “NOW! EXPLAIN.”
“I kissed him.”
The words hung in the air for a few seconds as Marc closed his eyes and nodded,
breath sending his chest up and down violently as he tried to calm down. I knew
it. He didn’t have to look to know his knuckles had turned white as they
gripped the seat. I knew.
“Say something.”
“Was it just a kiss?”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t sleep with him.”
“No.”
Dani watched him for a few more seconds and desperately tried to stop himself
crying, knowing that he was responsible for it, and knowing that meant that he
had to concentrate on making it right, not making it worse. “Please. Just…can I
explain? I don’t want to make excuses-”
“That’s what I asked for. Explain.”
Dani nodded and felt a bolt of misery hit him as the younger rider opened his
eyes again and studied him, eyes burning into his.
“He wanted to talk. After dinner. We had dinner with Nicky. No…ok, we had
dinner separately. And then the tweets happened…so I thought Nicky would think
it was weird if I didn’t go over to say hello…”
“And that’s the only reason you went to say hello?”
Dani nodded before he suddenly felt goosebumps wash over him. ‘Nothing is more
important than being honest.’ That’s what he said. And that’s true. That’s what
he wants. “Ok, no. I also went over because I wanted to see…him…before we had
to see him at the track.”
“Why?” Marc’s voice was flat, and steady, and full of the authority of someone
who just wants answers.
“Because I wanted to just…get it done. Gone. And I thought it was a good idea
then because Nicky was there too.”
“Ok. Did Nicky see you kiss?”
“No.”
“Ok. Where did Nicky go?”
“We had some drinks in the restaurant, talking about nothing much, and then
Nicky asked about you. And I realised later that I played that wrong. Because I
tried to make it sound casual, because I didn’t want to talk about it with him
there. Because I knew he wouldn’t let that go. But what happened then is that
he started to think there was some sort of chance-”
“You didn’t want to talk about me with Vale there? Why?”
“Because I was worried it would hurt him, or it would make it seem like a
challenge, or like I was doing it to get back at him.”
“Ok. Why do you care if it hurt him?”
“Because I care about hurting anyone.”
“Ok. And Nicky?”
“We went up to the rooms, which were on the same floor, in the lift. And when
the door opened, Nicky turned left and said goodnight. I turned right towards
my room and Vale followed. Our rooms were opposite each other. He started
asking to talk to me about everything, and then someone else appeared in the
corridor, so he opened his door and asked me to go in. To talk.”
“And you did.”
*
“I don’t understand.” Dani could feel his chest constricting as his brain ran
through the moment from his memory of it. He had also put the phone down and
cried. “Why?”
“Because I was terrified. Of how I felt, of what that meant…and of the idea of
anyone finding out. The idea of the press knowing, my team…I was terrified. I
was seeing myself as ‘Valentino Rossi’ instead of the kid from Tavullia, and I
was a coward.”
Dani stared at him and watched the last of the whiskey drain from the glass. Oh
my god. “I don’t know what to say. I…I’m with Marc. And we’re-”
“I don’t want to know.” Vale looked at him again and shook his head. “Please. I
don’t want to know.”
Dani took a sharp intake of breath and rubbed his hands over his face as he
realised that the show was truly over, and the man sat in front of him was
finally doing the one thing he’d wanted: being honest. “Ok. I’m sorry.”
“I made a mistake. I knew that then, and I ignored it. But I can’t ignore it
anymore.”
“I believe you. I do. But…I don’t know why you’re telling me this now.”
“Because it’s not a mistake I would repeat.”
*
“Yeah, I followed him in. And we talked.”
“What did he say?”
“He wanted to know if I had cared about him. So I told him that I did, and that
I’d already told him that. I said that the question was stupid because he
already knew the answer, and the one of us who didn’t care was him.”
“Right…”
“And he said…” Dani took a deep breath and looked back at Marc. “He said that
he loved me, he’d just never said it, and that he shouldn’t have let me go.”
Marc bit his lip again as the control started to falter slightly before he
nodded again and cleared his throat. “Ok. And?”
“And I said I didn’t believe him, because people that love you don’t leave you.
And that he’d not let me go, he’d sent me away, and that made a big
difference.” Dani looked out the window again and shook his head as the
composure went, gritting his teeth and hitting his fist on the steering wheel
in upset frustration at the fact that he couldn’t hold it in. “And he said…that
when he called me – because that’s how it happened – he said that when he put
the phone down, he cried.” Dani finally felt himself crack and tried to wipe
the tear before the reasons behind it were explained. “I’m not…” He turned back
to Marc and shrugged helplessly. “I’m not crying about him, ok? I’m crying
about…me, I guess. Because he broke my heart. He broke my heart completely and
he didn’t have to do it. And it took…it took until the moment I met you to make
me…ok. And that’s a long time. It’s a long time and it was because of a lie.
And I didn’t know that.”
Marc looked back at him, face showing how much he hated watching him cry,
conflict raging, eyebrow raising ever so slightly as if asking Dani to see the
parallels. He didn’t have to do it.
“I know.” Dani nodded at him. “I didn’t have to do it.”
“Carry on with what happened.”
“Ok.” Dani coughed and took a few breaths to get himself under control again.
“So…I was surprised, obviously. And I asked him why, and he said he was
terrified of people knowing, and he had been a coward. He said he’d made a big
mistake. So I said, fine, but why are you telling me this now? And he said..it
was because it was a mistake he wouldn’t repeat.”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the passenger seat and Marc looked away
out the window.
“Oh, I bet he did.”
*
It’s not a mistake I would repeat…
“Did you love me? Or did you just care?” Valentino got to his feet and stared
down at him. “Please. Be honest.”
Dani closed his eyes for a second and wondered how to say it, how to explain
everything now his knowledge about that topic had changed.
“I cared. And I know I could have loved you.”
He raised his eyes to meet the blue-green ones burning down on him, wishing
they were just slightly further away.
“But you wouldn’t let me.”
*
“And then he asked me if I’d loved him. And I would have said yes, but now…love
is different, for me. Please look at me…”
To his surprise, Marc did.
“Now I know you, and I love you…I know I didn’t love him. I cared. And I could
have loved him if he’d let me in, but he didn’t. He tried now, but it’s too
late.”
Marc nodded at him and waited for him to say more, which he did.
“So I said that to him. And he…did what I did when I came to Cervera. He got
down on his knees in front of me and grabbed my hands, and looked up at me,
and…” Dani waved his hands and Marc realised this was it. “And that’s when it
happened.”
*
“I want to let you in.”
Dani stared down into his eyes and wondered how this had happened; how 4 years
too late, Valentino Rossi was now there saying all the right things, and
meaning them. “Are you telling me that you love me?”
The Italian nodded and took a deep breath, hope starting to burn away some of
the regret in his eyes. “Yes. I did, and I do. And I will do anything if you
just…let me try.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds as Dani felt his heart start to
explode, Vale lifting his head slightly and gently pressing his lips against
his before he rested his forehead against the younger rider’s and closed his
eyes.
“Please let me try.”
Maybe it was the admission, or the apology, or the honesty, or the desperation
to erase the crossed wires and mistakes, or maybe it was just the chemistry
that was there and always would be. Whatever it was, Dani was the one whose
hand ran through his hair, and Dani was the one who kissed him again, and Dani
was the one who took those few seconds too long to pull himself out of the
moment. And when he did, he looked into his eyes and shook his head sadly and
got to his feet and stared down at him and saw the same expression that he knew
from his own face after the first, reversed run through of this same moment of
separation.
“It’s too late. I’m with Marc. I love him. And he loves me.”
He got to the door before the Ducati rider got to his feet, the guilt at that
moment of weakness already hitting him like a wall, feet heavy and breathing
difficult, before the Italian spoke again.
“You’re never going to get away, you know.”
Dani turned round and stared, already having half expected some sort of
response. “What?”
“You won’t forget me.” Valentino spread his arms wide and shrugged, some of the
vulnerability erased, some of the defense back. “I’m going to haunt you.”
That’s probably true.
“Maybe. But I don’t need to get away." Dani placed a hand on the handle of the
door as he got ready to close it. "I don’t love you.”
*
“Thank you for explaining.” Marc sat back facing forwards in the seat and
nodded. “Now, let’s go. Please.”
Dani nodded, numb from the lack of any other reaction, the tone of the younger
rider still that of measured control. He started the engine again and pulled
back out onto the road, leaving the silence as it was and knowing he had no
right to do anything else, wondering what would happen next.
And then Marc leant forward, put on the radio, and relaxed into the seat.
That’s all he wanted.
It hit him like a thunderbolt.
That's really all he wanted. He just wanted to know.
Dani felt himself start to lose his composure again as it sunk in that that
truly was going to be the extent of the conversation, overwhelmed. It wasn’t
ok; not yet. It would take a bit of time and a bit of work. And it had hurt him
and caused some damage. But Marc trusted every single word of the explanation.
Because Marc trusted him.
I love you.
Dani willed the words across the car, hoping if he shouted them loud enough in
his head, Marc would somehow hear them, and felt a shiver as the Moto2 rider
suddenly turned back to him right on cue and nodded.
***** Amends *****
Chapter Notes
     Been busy, sorry I left you hanging ;)
     Really sorry if this is offending your intelligence or knowledge, but
     I don't know if you're MotoGP and/or bike fans in general...so I'll
     say... whoops = motocross. 'The humps not the jumps' ;)
     Thanks for reading <3 !!
     Obsessively repeating writing soundtrack for this was..."Just Give Me
     A Reason" by Pink ;)
They were still about 20 minutes away when they’d pulled over, and it had been
a further 5 since Marc had put the radio on. He hadn’t said anything else and
neither had Dani, until finally there was a sigh and another nod from the
passenger seat.
“Ok.”
“Ok?”
“It hurts. A lot.” Marc looked away out the window and Dani could see him
chewing his lip out the corner of his eye. “But I kind of knew it was going to
happen.”
Right. And what does that say about me? “I didn’t.”
“I know.” The younger rider looked back at him briefly and then away again. “I
know you didn’t. But I knew when you called him, and when you told me about the
message. I knew he was going try, and I knew something would happen.” He looked
at Dani’s face and frowned in concern, shaking his head slightly. “No, no…I
don’t mean it how you’re taking it, like I expected you to ‘betray me’ or
whatever. It’s his fault. Or…well…ok. You did it too…but he just…wound you up
and watched you go. I…I don’t know how to explain…it’s closure, I hope. And I
wish it hadn’t happened. But…it did. He was a big thing in your life.”
I guess he did do that. “Maybe. But I’m so sorry it took me too long to-“
“You walked out though, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“So that’s enough. Nothing’s broken.”
Dani was about to say something else when Marc looked away again with a slight
shake of the head and he realised that leaving it there was the right thing to
do, for now. Just get to the house. See him walk in there for the first time.
Get undressed. Get into bed. And see what happens.
*
“So…you like it? You want to live here?”
Marc smiled back at him and nodded, grabbing his cabin bag and slinging it over
his shoulder, holding up his hand for Dani to take. “I like it. And yes. But
the house isn’t that important.”
“I know.” The HRC rider took the hand and felt himself led back upstairs,
smiling at the feeling of being directed in his own house, a feeling that
usually drove him insane but was suddenly a symbol of the fact that it really
was shared, already. “You want to go to sleep?”
“Yeah.” Marc turned into the correct bedroom and put the bag on the floor at
the foot of the bed, turning his head back towards him as Dani wrapped his arms
around him from behind and pressed a kiss into his neck. “If that’s ok?”
I would have understood having to drive you back across France… “Of course.”
“Good.” Marc shrugged him off slightly, not unkindly but not as he usually did,
and disappeared into the en suite, noise of running water filtering back to
Dani as he realised that they usually brushed their teeth, showered, washed,
dried, shaved and anything else together. Everything except using the toilet,
usually. But it’s not going to be fine if I click my fingers. Maybe it will be
tomorrow. Maybe it will take a week, or a month, or maybe a decade. But it will
be ok.
The Moto2 rider reappeared and Dani couldn’t pull his eyes away as he felt the
relief of seeing that one thing hadn’t changed: he was naked and comfortable
enough to almost not even notice he was, walking back past Dani to the bed and
slapping him lightly on the ass as he did. “Go. Otherwise I’ll be asleep when
you come out.”
Olive branch. Just a little one… He smiled to himself and nodded. “Ok. I’m
going.”
Marc relaxed into the sheets and stared at the ceiling as the noise filtered
through. I didn’t mean to do that. It hurt, it really hurt, but he hadn’t
consciously shut himself in there. And he’d seen the look on Dani’s face when
he’d reappeared naked, relief that he wasn’t wrapped up in 3 layers and asking
to sleep on the sofa. But I love you. If that changed after this, it wasn’t
real anyway. He sighed and popped his head up as the light of the bathroom cut
across the darkness, Dani opening the door, silhouette outlined, turning the
light off and getting into the other side of the bed. Marc waited to see if he
would do anything before realising he absolutely wouldn’t – he’d been waiting
for Marc to lay the ground rules in every conversation or situation since he’d
told him. He turned over so he was facing the outline of the Honda rider and
reached a finger out to poke him.
“Am I contagious?”
There was a soft, sad laugh and the pillows moved as he obviously shook his
head. “No.”
“So why are you miles away?”
“I…didn’t want to-”
“I know.” Marc gently ran the same finger down the older rider’s arm in the
darkness. “I know. But this is the worst thing you can do. Come here.” He
tugged on his arm and felt Dani move towards him. “If I wanted you to stay away
from me you’d be driving me home-…no, not home. You’d be driving me back to
Spain right now.”
“Ok.” A lot closer. “I don’t want to push you.”
“You can’t.” The younger rider found his hand under the covers and wove their
fingers together. “If anything, I just want you to prove why I’m here now and
not Valentino.”
“Ok…”
“I mean it. I trust you. Still. More. You told me within 5 minutes, nene. You
told me everything.”
Nene. Dani felt relief hit him and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds to
let it sink in. Could sound so stupid. But doesn’t, because it shows that it’s
not just that he’s mine, it’s that I am his. “Ok. I did. And you trust me. And
in a way I betrayed that. But I…” Dani felt his skin shiver as a hand gently
landed on his hip, realising he was almost selfishly repeating this for
himself. “I don’t know. It happened and it was bad, and it hurts you. And it
hurts me. It even hurts him. But it meant nothing. It was a goodbye kiss.”
“That’s a good way of putting it.” Marc nodded to himself and smiled as Dani
turned to face him fully. “I know. I know it meant nothing. It just makes my
paranoia worse, and it hurts because the image of it won’t get out of my head.”
Dani nodded and felt the lump reappear in his throat. “And I love you so much
for knowing that. And I know it’s not ok…I know it was wrong, and I know it
hurts. And I know how it would hurt the other way round. But you know it was
one moment, don’t you?”
Marc stared at him and wondered if Dani could see as much as he could in the
dark. “Yeah. I guess I do.”
“And you know that however…magnetic he is, it’s never going to happen again.”
“Yes. I do. And at some point it will be ok. It’s not, yet. But it can be.” He
leant in and smiled slightly as he rubbed his nose against Dani’s, enjoying the
stupidly adorable reaction as his nose crinkled and his eyes caught fire again,
face further forward and illuminated by the moon. “Eskimo kiss. Bet you’ve not
done that with Valentino.”
“Never. I’ve not done a lot of things with Valentino.”
“I know.” Marc smiled and felt his own face become visible in the light. “And I
know you won’t. Because you’re MINE.” He pressed a light kiss to the Honda’s
rider’s lips. “You were honest. And you drove to my house because you thought I
was worth it. How many times have you driven to Tavullia since he told you it
was over?”
“Never.”
“And how many times have you googled gay Italian marriage laws?”
“Never.”
“And how many Swiss magazines with Vale interviews have you carried around with
you?”
Dani went slightly red as he realised Marc had realised. “None.”
“Exactly. So yeah. It hurts. And it’s not gone. Maybe I’m putting a bit of a
brave face on…”
“I know.”
“But it’s not a disaster. It’s just…a whoop.”
“A whoop?”
“Yeah. I’m sure we’ll have more. And what do we do with whoops?”
Dani stared at him blankly and frowned. “What?!”
Marc sighed affectionately and pushed some of his hair off his forehead. “Make
corrections. Don’t tense up. Find the smoothest route through them.”
Oh. THOSE kinds of whoops. Dani closed his eyes for a second and shook his
head. “I don’t deserve you.” He felt his hair rearranged on his forehead again
and looked back at the slightly smug, definitely slightly too bright, but
nevertheless intensely adoring face in front of him. “I really don’t.”
Marc smiled and shrugged slowly. “That’s how I’ve been feeling since you picked
me up and carried me upstairs in Cervera. If it was a symptom of something
bigger, I would be…ok…I wouldn’t be very well. But it’s not, it’s over. Think
about Pol, although I never loved him, or cared. But I cheated, on my
boyfriend, with Pol. And that was because I wasn’t happy, and it was a symptom
of that. But if I accidentally kissed Pol in a moment of stupidity now, me and
him wouldn’t be any more likely to happen, because I’m happy with you. You know
that. I love you.”
Dani turned that situation over in his brain and nodded. “I do.”
“So…I’m not a saint. I just trust you.”
“But-“
“But what?”
“I wanted you to kill me and hit me and scream and shout…”
“I know.” Marc nodded knowingly. “But that’s because you think you deserve it.
And I don’t want to do that, I need you to make me feel ok. You don't...I don't
know. Just this conversation right now. I can't believe how I'm actually saying
everything I want to. I can't believe how I can deal with things. I was a rider
before, and now I'm a person. Because of you. You don't deserve anything less.
So you’ll have to deal with that on your own.”
Dani floundered around for anything else he could really reply to that to make
any sense, before realising there was only one thing he was still needing to
say, and say, and then repeat. “You know I love you.”
Marc smiled back at him. “Better...”
“Ok. Understood.”
“There is one thing I need to say, though.” Marc’s gaze got more serious again
and he took a deep breath. “I can rise above things if I care. But I don’t care
about Valentino. That makes me sad, but I’m not going to pretend that I don’t
know.”
Oh. “Right.”
“He tweeted on purpose so I would see. He obviously thought he’d win. So I’m
not going to ignore it, until he apologises. And neither is he.”
Oh. He thought he’d ‘win’? “Ok. I’m not going to say anything about that. Do
whatever. But I wouldn’t go public.”
“No, no…I won’t. Not quite. But…I’m angry.” He let out a little whistle of air
and bit his lip. “I’m really, really angry.”
“What about? I mean…which bit?”
“The tweets. Ok, fine…you’re worth the try, right? I would do it. I admit that;
in that position I would try to talk to you. But I wouldn’t tweet this
seemingly so friendly stuff…it didn’t need to be public. It’s just offensive,
to me. Say you’d said yes to him…the last thing I’d have from you would be a
picture of you and him. And him telling me you missed me.”
Ah. Ok. “Ok. I see what you mean. But I’m staying out of it, ok?” I never
thought about that. And how implicitly malicious that would seem then.
“Yeah.” Marc nodded and took a deep breath. “Now I don’t want to talk about him
again tonight. Just…make me feel better. I just…I don’t know. I’m done now.
Just-”
“Ok. Be quiet.”
Dani understood and smiled as he felt Marc understand he understood, moving in
closer and wrapping him up. Not what they’d probably both imagined for their
first night in the house together; which had probably been something much more
excitingly physical, but it was still just as intimate, in a different way.
That first bit of desperation from the first few days had faded, and being
close felt enough, because neither of them was in any doubt as to whether it
meant as much or not. It almost meant more.
Marc’s lips traced his neck and kissed a gentle line as he relaxed against him,
every millimetre of skin that could be touching Dani very much in contact,
breath gently skimming his skin until his lips were on the HRC rider’s, slow
and purposeful and communicative, hand moving further around his back to keep
them bound together as his tongue gently traced around his lips before being
met with Dani’s. Maybe it was 5 minutes, maybe it was 5 hours; no one looked at
the clock.
***** The Harsh Light Of Day *****
Chapter Notes
     How are we on Chapter 36?! Well... I know it's because they're short,
     but still...! Thanks for reading, people!
For all the maturity and perspective of the night before, Marc woke up angry.
He’d dreamt about Valentino. Valentino smiling at him, Valentino laughing with
Dani at MotoGP events that he couldn’t go to, Valentino tweeting pictures,
Valentino, Valentino, Valentino. And it woke him up just after 7 with a scowl.
He looked across at Dani and stared at him asleep for a few seconds, trying to
analyse what he was feeling. Love, obviously. Happiness that he was there. And
then that stab of jealous, frustrated anger came back.
It was just about gone when we were going to sleep. But it is going to take a
while.
He sat up and gently got out the bed, pulling clothes out of his bag and
smiling slightly as he realised that was the last time he would have to do
that. Once unpacked, that was it.
Home.
He walked downstairs carefully in the half darkness and stopped at the bottom
to look around. It was very, very Dani. And that was nice at first, but he
hoped the ‘we can change anything’ promise was true. Because he wanted some of
his own stuff there, and he really really especially wanted to take some of the
photos down. The ones with Valentino in them. And there were a few that he
hadn’t really noticed the night before. Obviously someone like Valentino would
be in a lot of them, but there were some of just him and Dani. And that had to
change.
Would be nice to change the colour of the kitchen, too…
Marc walked into the horrificly yellow kitchen and drank half a glass of water
as he stared out the window at the morning. Mist was rising off the lake at the
bottom of the garden as the sun started to burn it away, and the whole sight,
so so different to the orange of the view from the house in Cervera, made
everything suddenly seem real.
I live in Switzerland now.
It was a good feeling, but it was also a strange one. Everyone outside the
house was now a French speaker. Number plates were different. Speed limits were
different. Attitudes were different. An awful lot of people wore suits and
carried briefcases. It rained more.
He put the glass down on the counter and briefly picked it up again thinking ‘I
shouldn’t leave it there’ before realising that he could leave it in the toilet
if he wanted – no one else was in charge. He contemplated putting it in the
toilet of the en suite as a joke before thinking he’d rather Dani didn’t wake
up to a prank, wanting him to wake up to the truth.
The truth being that I didn’t roll over and wake him up for a good morning kiss
because I didn’t want to? Or the truth being that I wanted to let him get a bit
more sleep?
He leant on the counter and sighed as he looked at the floor.
The truth being that I felt slightly relieved that he wasn’t awake.
*
Dani realised immediately when he saw Marc wasn’t there that it meant
something. He wasn’t in the bathroom, and he wasn’t making any noise if he was
even still in the house. He got dressed quickly and walked downstairs to see if
he was, relief at seeing his luggage still there making him realise how much
work was still to do.
He walked into the kitchen and saw the glass next to the sink, the only sign
that anyone else had been there at all.
No breakfast in bed today. No coffee machine whirring as he gets ready to wake
me up.
*
He typed the first thing he wanted to tweet and thought about it for a few
seconds before he pressed send. The reply to @ValeYellow46: Hey @marcmarquez93
he says he misses you! ;) Next time?
@marcmarquez93: @ValeYellow46 haha yeah sure I’ll be there every time now. And
you’ll pay…
He smiled and nodded at the dual meaning, and how innocent it could seem,
before taking a picture and waiting for it to upload.
@marcmarquez93: Buenos días desde Ginebra! // Good morning from Geneva!
He tweeted the picture, the lake and the mist and the sun, the view in front of
where he was sat at the water’s edge, and smiled as the first replies and
retweets appeared.
@marcmarquez93: Si ahora vivo aqui con @26_DaniPedrosa! // Yes, now I live here
with Dani!
@marcmarquez93: Quiero cambiar el color de la cocina! Demasiado amarillo! /
/ Want to change the colour of the kitchen! Too yellow! ;)
Yellow. Maybe that’s why I don’t like it.
*
Obviously, it hurt. But it also made him panic. Enough to immediately text Dani
and then be left hanging.
There was a knock on the door and he pulled it open to see Nicky stood smiling
at him. "Ready?" The American frowned at the look on his face. "You ok?"
"Not so good. But I am ready." The Italian pulled his suitcase out the door and
smiled as he saw it was at least only half as big as Nicky's. "You're planning
a long journey?"
The American glared back at him good naturedly and nodded. "Maybe. I gotta be
here for a while, so..." He pressed the button on the lift and waved Vale
inside in front of him. "So is Aosta nice?"
Valentino tried to snap his mind back to the present. "Yeah."
Nicky seem to sense the distraction and gave up on the conversation slightly as
he studied Vale's distant, cloudy eyes. Something happened with Dani. That's
the only thing that's happened, and then he went weird. "Good."
"Is close to Switzerland too, so you could..." He trailed off as he realised
what he was saying and what it meant. "...you could go and see some Switzerland
before the event in Bologna."
Nicky nodded and watched as the Italian checked his phone. Again. "Cool."
It IS close to Switzerland. He pushed his phone back into his pocket and sighed
as the possibility ran through his mind. Specifically, close to Geneva. The
phone vibrated again and he pulled it out embarrassingly quickly as the lift
pinged and Nicky walked out. Vale stopped dead and stared at the phone in
confusion.
Unknown: Don't get ravelled up in it. You won't win. Say hi to Nicky for me.
He went through the list of people who knew the history and whose number he
hadn't saved, guessing it was referring to him and Dani, and coming up blank.
Who the fuck is this?
Vale: Who is this?
Unknown: Oh, you deleted my number? Thanks. Take a guess.
Vale: No. I want to know.
Unknown: I bet you do. Have a fun day, Doctor.
*
“No one called Bautista.”
“Ouch.”
“I know. I don’t think I gave too much away though. They don’t know
the…situation with me and Dani anyway, so I guess they don’t know much about it
all.”
“Good. And…situation?”
“Yeah. I know. Strange word…I don’t know what to call it. Especially at the
moment.”
“Fair enough. I guess we’ll find out where it’s going when it gets there.”
“Exactly.” Jorge sighed and then swore slightly as he almost chopped his finger
instead of the strawberry in front of him. “Thanks for this. Help…whatever else
it is.”
Casey laughed slightly. “You remember I called you in the first place, right?
After the call from Japan. And what are you doing?!”
Oh. That’s true. “Oh yeah…and I'm chopping fruit. And myself.”
“Not lost enough fingers this year?”
“I'm trying to even it up.” There was a pause before the Mallorcan spoke again.
“You know what’s weird? Ricky.”
“Ricky? He is a bit weird.”
“No.” Jorge laughed and shrugged to himself. Maybe a bit. “I mean…he
practically lives here. I hug him all the time. In public. Cal flirts with
everybody. Matt Roberts flirts with Cal. Me and Ben have fun. You’re married.
And reclusive. And other than Dani, that kind of just leaves-”
“Valentino.”
“Yeah. No one thinks any more about all these things because they assume they
don’t mean anything. And they’re right with most of them…”
“But you wonder about Vale?”
“Yeah.”
“I know what you mean. But…stop thinking about it. Just…go training, do some
normal stuff for a couple of days and then go to the meeting, right?”
“I know, I need space from this.”
“I know.”
They both paused as they realised that this was the closest to a real private,
emotional conversation they’d had in a while.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Have a good day.”
“You t-…well. No. Sleep well.”
“I will. And don’t worry.”
Jorge cancelled the call and looked down at his hand, which was now slightly
bleeding. "RICKY! I NEED PLASTERS!" Nothing. "RICKY!"
A sleepy Cardus appeared in the doorway and sighed. "Right. Hang on."
"Thanks." Jorge smiled at him and licked the blood off his hand. "Sorry."
"Didn't you lose enough fingers this year?"
"That's what Casey said."
You talked to Casey again? "Oh. Did you see Marc's tweet?"
"No...?"
Ricky passed his phone to the Yamaha rider as he pulled out a plaster and
pressed it against his hand, earning a sharp 'ow' before a sheepish glance.
"That didn't really hurt, come on."
"Hey. It did." Jorge pointed to himself and glared slightly. "On crutches on
the podium, bitch. I would know."
Ricky laughed at his face and shrugged. Bitch?! "Exactly!"
"Fine." He smiled and grabbed his hand back as his eyes narrowed, reading the
tweet. "Ooh ouch. I guess he didn't like Valentino's picture. And he moved in!"
"Yeah, and maybe. But why?"
The Spartan stared at it and frowned. "Not sure. Hang on." He pulled out his
own phone and sent a message to Marc, eyes widening as the immediate replied
came back, looking back at Ricky and holding the phone up.
Marc: Yeah...Dani kissed him after that picture because Vale tried to get him
back. Not happy. Fucking tweeting it, too.
"Oh dear."
"Typical political Valentino."
Ricky shrugged as though he didn't know, watching Jorge tap something else out
on his phone. "What are you doing now?"
"Texting Dani. And also-"
"Why?"
"Because..."
"Typical political Lorenzo...?"
More pause as he got replies and replied before he finally put the phone down
and the words sunk in. "No! I'm just..."
"Just?"
He sighed and suddenly realised. "Ah. I need to talk to you about Honda, don't
I?"
Ricky nodded and stole a strawberry. "Yeah. You really do."
*
Dani could just see the outline of him down at the lake and wondered whether to
go down there, eventually deciding that even being there probably meant he
wanted some space. So he went back to bed and stared at the ceiling for a while
as he waited, before turning over and noticing his phone flash.
Jorge: Morning. Marc moved in ok then?
Dani stared at it for a few seconds and smiled as he shook his head. It’s still
strange. Jorge Lorenzo even having my phone number is strange. And using it for
good not evil is strange. Andgood morning, how is your life?is even stranger.
Dani: Morning. Yeah…? How did you know?!
Jorge: He tweeted a picture of the lake. I might have to move to Switzerland. I
like lakes.
Oh. Dani smiled at the simple ‘I like lakes’ before taking a deep breath and
logging in to twitter. He clicked on Marc, seeing the tweet about the kitchen
and smiling, then the picture of the lake and the announcement and smiling
further, before getting to the reply to Vale and feeling his heart rate rocket.
He said he wouldn’t ignore it. He didn’t say he’d ignite it.
He cringed again as he saw how many people had retweeted it and wondered how
long until Vale saw it.
Late sleeper. Maybe 4 hours?
His phone flashed again and he picked it up and frowned. Maybe not.
Vale: So you told him then? Thanks very much.
Dani sighed and whacked his face with a pillow.
Dani: What did you expect?
Vale: Some privacy.
Dani: Well you should have expected me to tell him after what happened. And
it’s up to him what he does now.
Vale: You’re saying he might go public? Or what?
Dani: I’m saying you’re talking to the wrong person. But I guess you haven’t
changed that much. Ok for you to do it, but not him?
He put the phone down, guiltily, knowing how the Italian was probably hurting
already, and sighed again as he heard the door go downstairs, Marc obviously
back from the lake. He listened to him moving around in the kitchen before
pulling himself back onto his feet and walking back down the stairs,
purposefully leaving his phone behind, not wanting to read the reply.
Marc turned and smiled as he heard him appear, before walking past him
carefully with a cup of coffee and sitting down at the table with a magazine.
And you’ve not made me one.
He looked at Marc and the Moto2 rider’s eyes met his as he realised the same
thing.
“I didn’t know you were up…”
I think you did. “It’s ok. I’ll make one. You want breakfast?”
Marc nodded at him and shrugged. “If you want to make it. Thanks.”
“Yeah. Eggs?”
“Sounds good.”
“Ok.” Dani walked back into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge. “So you
don’t like the colour of the kitchen?” There was no reply and he leant back to
see through the door and see if Marc was still there, before the noise of the
shower upstairs started.
Ok. I guess we do everything separately today.
He tried to not read too much into it before leaning his hands on the counter,
staring down at the floor and biting his lip as he felt it hit him.
Everything’s always a little bit different in the light of day.
***** Home Is Not That Way *****
Chapter Notes
     My eyes are closing. I'll be back tomorrow. <3
To his credit, he did appear at the exact moment that Dani put the plate on the
table. He wasn’t rude and making him wait, he was just living the life of
someone who wasn’t half of something.
“Thanks.”
The Moto2 rider sat back down at the table where he had been before and smiled
at Dani as he started eating, some of his attention captured by the magazine
that was still open next to him.
“What do you want to do today?” Dani waited to see if the response would be
plural or singular.
“I need to unpack. And I might go for a run. I think I need it.”
Singular. Right. “Ok. I saw your tweet about the kitchen. You hate it?!”
“Sorry.” Marc grinned and shrugged. “I hate it.”
“We’ll change it.”
“Thanks.”
More reading.
Try again. “So what colour would you prefer?”
“Maybe we could do the right half red and the left half white.” He caught
Dani’s eye and smiled slowly, the warmth in his eyes joined by a hint of spite.
“Instead of the yellow?”
Dani gulped and nodded. “There’s no reason why it’s yellow other than I thought
it was nice.”
“Oh don’t worry, I know you like yellow.”
Probably intended to be a playful but pointed remark. He felt his chest
constrict as the actual effect – bloodcurdling pain – hit him full force.
“Right. Ok.”
“Sorry.” Marc took a deep breath and shook his head. “Sorry, that was mean.”
Dani locked eyes with him and just stared for a few seconds. “I thought we were
ok.”
Marc did the same and then nodded slowly. “We are ok, and we will be. It’s just
that the day before yesterday, we were perfect.”
*
99… Nicky had been counting since they’d left the hotel, and that was yawn
no.99 for his teammate. 99 yawns and a bitch ain’t one.
The Italian noticed his gaze and looked at him with a little smile that was
obviously intended to cover over the tiredness, grumpiness and general
disarray, failing at all and making Nicky go back to the previous hypothesis.
Maybe a bitch is one. Hopeful happy Vale…Pedrosa turns up…and bang. Distracted,
tired and upset Vale.
“You ok? You’re real tired.”
He nodded and shrugged. “Late night.”
“Doing anything interesting y’all didn’t invite me to?”
Valentino laughed and shook his head. “No. Just thinking. Not enough time to
ride the bike in these days. No time for think through everything…”
“I know what you mean.”
“I hope not exactly!” He laughed and shrugged at Nicky’s face. “I think is
better if I don’t explain.”
“Ok. But you can talk to me if you want.”
“Thank you.”
And a smile. A real smile. With genuine thanks in it.
Nicky replied in kind and then went back to looking out the window for a while
before getting out his phone to pass the time, logging in to Twitter and seeing
if anything had happened. There was an interesting mention, and it was the
tweet from the restaurant when Dani had been there. They went over a bump and
Nicky’s hand touched the screen again, accidentally loading Dani’s profile. He
was about to press ‘back’ before he noticed something.
Location: Geneva.
It’s close to Switzerland… That’s what he’d said in the lift. And why were you
thinking about Switzerland?
He was just about to put his phone away when he caught Marc’s reply and stared
at it for a few seconds.
Something definitely happened.
He saw the moved to Geneva tweets and the tweet about the kitchen, laughing
slightly to himself as he saw Cal had again decided to get involved.
@CalCrutchlow: @marcmarquez93 we chose that kitchen together!! Don’t you dare
change it!!
But am I just being stupid now, because Dani and Marc came out? Am I looking
for it in everything? Or are my eyes just open now?
He looked back at the Italian and decided his eyes were definitely puffy.
And he doesn’t cry about anything.
*
“Can you come and get me?”
Dani frowned against the phone and looked at his watch. “What? Where are you?”
“I think it’s called Roller…or something…and I’m tired.”
About 20 km. Right. “I’m not surprised! Have you just been running in one
direction this whole time?”
“Yeah. I didn’t realise how far I’d gone. Please can you get me?”
“I’ll be there in 25 minutes. Are you at the lakeside?”
“Yeah I’m opposite ‘Restaurant du Casino’. But some people are staring now. I
might hide.”
Dani smiled to himself and shook his head. Idiot. “Ok. I’ll call you when I get
there.”
“Thanks. Love you. Bye.”
“You too.” Dani felt a little dance in his chest and cancelled the call. And
I’m not for one second going to entertain the idea of him having said that just
because I was helping…
He grabbed his keys and arranged the flowers and card he’d bought on the table
for when they got back.
Not for a second…
*
 
If at all possible, the event in Aosta was even more boring than the one in
Milan. And as soon as it was done, the Ducati teammates stared at each other
and this time, both yawned.
“I guess I’ll see you next week then?”
Vale nodded and smiled. “Yes.”
“You going back home now?”
A flash of something passed over Valentino’s face as he nodded. “Yes…”
I don’t believe you. “Ok. Have a good week, then…”
“You too.”
Nicky watched as the Italian turned to go, getting in his private car and
directing the driver. To turn left.
Home is not that way. Even I know that.
*
He pulled up where Marc had instructed him to and smiled as a Spanish face
popped up above a newspaper outside the café where he was waiting, grinning
when he saw it was Dani and beckoning him over. Dani looked at the parking sign
and had a rare moment of ‘I’m a MotoGP rider just try and tow me’ before
getting out and locking the doors, walking over and moving his sunglasses onto
his head to make eye contact.
“You didn’t bring money either, did you?”
“No!” Marc pointed at his drunk coffee and the newspaper and made an ‘eek’
face. “I had to promise that someone with money was coming. You did bring
money, right?”
“Yes. I brought money.”
“Ok. Good. Do you want to have lunch here? I’m starving and the weather’s
actually nice.”
“Sounds good.” The older rider sat down in the chair opposite and noticed Marc
squint into the sun before taking off his sunglasses and offering them over.
“Want these? I’m facing the right way.”
The Moto2 rider took them and smiled. “Thanks.” He put them on and turned to
the glass of the window to check how he looked. “Nice.”
“They look better on you.”
“Most things do.”
Dani smiled and felt himself start to relax as he saw the de-stressing effect
of having run a long way appear in Marc. “I agree.”
“I was joking. You’re prettier than me.” He stopped as the waiter appeared,
smiling up at him and pointing at Dani, switching to English and looking
slightly smug. “See! He came.”
The waiter grinned at him and nodded before taking an appreciative look over
Dani and then staring adoringly back at Marc. “I believed you. But I would have
given it you for free anyway.” He winked and smiled as Marc blushed slightly.
“You want to pay or you want something else?”
Marc looked back at the menu and pointed at something before passing it to Dani
and letting him point, laughing as he added ‘and a vanilla milkshake.’ Dani
waited until the waiter had disappeared again before grinning at Marc.
“You made a friend.”
“I did.” He grinned in return and leaned forward slightly to weave his fingers
through Dani’s in the middle of the table. “And I feel a lot better. I didn’t
sleep very well.”
“That’s ok. Me neither.”
“I’m sorry if you heard me kick the bin.”
Dani laughed and nodded. “Oh that’s what it was! I was having a weird kind of
half-dream. Niki Lauda shooting deer. Obviously the noise was actually you
violently destroying our furniture.”
Our furniture. Marc laughed for a few seconds and nodded. “That’s really
weird?!”
“I definitely agree. The weirdest one I had was when I had a dream where
Cristiano Ronaldo took control of Andorra and started a new country. I was his
chauffeur.”
Marc laughed again like a little girl and squeezed Dani’s hands in his. “That’s
even weirder…”
It is. And you’re suddenly all defrosted again.
*
It was a bad idea, because he’d started off thinking about it as a good idea to
go and apologise to Marc, but the only things his brain had come up with were
scenarios where he didn’t really apologise properly, instead just making sure
Marc didn’t say anything in public.
Maybe that’s why I came. But I can apologise. I probably should.
It hadn’t been on purpose, but then he’d realised when he’d looked back at the
tweet and the reaction that if Dani had left Marc, the Moto2 rider would have
been left with that picture and a sarcastic comment that had become all too
true.
Or maybe I’ll just get down on my knees and beg. They can’t be very solid right
now, after what’s happened…
His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to look, expecting Uccio or
someone from Ducati or someone from back home in Tavullia.
Unknown: Figured it out, yet?
Vale: No.
Unknown: Wow. You did get slower.
Valentino stared at it and narrowed his eyes. Who would say that? They
obviously don’t like me much, but they obviously also have my number from me,
and expected I would still have theirs. He put the phone down on his knee and
stared at it for a few more seconds.
Who doesn’t like me?
It went again and he looked at the message.
Unknown: I’ll give you a clue. I’m not Casey.
Vale’s heart rate rocketed as he realised who it was. The two riders in the
paddock who don’t really like me are…
Casey.
And Jorge Lorenzo.
And if it’s not Casey…
***** Seeing Red *****
Lunch was nice, and normal. Some people took pictures of them and Marc even
managed to pull faces at the ones who were obviously seeing it as gossip, and
smile genuinely at the ones who were too shy to come up to them and ask for an
autograph. Dani wasn’t used to it at all – at events where someone had
announced ‘Dani Pedrosa MotoGP rider is here’ yes, he got a lot of attention.
And at races, and in Barcelona and Madrid. But he wasn’t Brad Pitt. He was a
MotoGP rider living in a country that had made the Swiss Grand Prix actually be
held in France; a country where usually nobody cared all that much who he was.
But now everybody cared, for good reasons or bad. And not just about him. The
usual relative anonymity of being a Moto2 rider had been completely reversed
for Marc, and Dani could see why. For a start, he was special. Obviously, to
him, he was special. But he really was. There was something about him that
couldn’t be ignored. And more than that, he was beautiful. And more than that,
he was talented. And he won, and he’d seen controversy, and he was unfazed and
young and exciting. And he was gay.
“You ready to leave?”
The younger rider looked back at him and nodded, smiling up at the sun. “Yeah.”
Dani got to his feet and grabbed his sunglasses back off Marc’s face, earning a
friendly glare and pout for it, before they set off just back down the street
to the car, the older rider suddenly really seeing Marc, stood up and not
hidden behind a newspaper or sunglasses, and feeling his knees go genuinely
weak.
He was wearing black trousers and a Repsol CatalunyaCaixa Team T shirt,
obviously not dressed to hide his identity, and the t shirt was still sticking
to him in places where he’d been hot on the run down the lake. His hair was
still messy and ruffled and stuck to his forehead, and the bead of sweat on his
brow hadn’t been allowed to disappear, the sun shining down on him enough to
leave him as he was.
Perfect.
He remembered the ‘the day before yesterday we were perfect’ and felt some of
the lunch afterglow disappear in a little cloud.
We will be. And he said that too. We just need a little time, and a bit of
space from Italians. And at home, there’s 93 roses and two tins of red paint.
He dared to thread his fingers through Marc’s, wondering if it would be
rebuffed, and felt the balance go back towards the sun again as his hand was
squeezed and briefly brought to the younger riders lips to kiss it before they
reached the car and both stopped by the passenger door. Marc took Dani’s other
hand too and manoeuvred him so he was pressed against the car, leaning in to
whisper in his ear.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
Dani closed his eyes and rested the side of his head against Marc’s and felt
himself relax slightly. “It’s ok.”
“It’s hard.”
“I know.”
Marc pulled away slightly and then pressed his lips to the older rider’s,
wrapping his arms around his neck and running one hand up through his hair.
“Please don’t give up on me. Even when I’m mean and I disappear. Maybe I just
need to.”
Dani felt his knees go weaker and snuggled his head into Marc’s neck.
If there’s one thing I will never, ever do...
*
This was a stupid idea.
He’d realised that when he’d made the decision, but now he’d really realised
it, because he was actually there. Driving through Lausanne, like he’d done a
lot of times before on his way to the same place, only this time he wasn’t
going to be met with a smile. It wasn’t going to be dark, his Italian number
plate shining under the streetlights the only clue of who he was, and he wasn’t
going to be calling Dani to say he was nearly there. The door wasn’t going to
open to him before they slammed through it in a tangle of limbs and gasps, and
he wasn’t going to end the night feeling stretched out and elastic, laid out in
Dani’s sheets staring at the ceiling wondering whether he was in love with him.
Which is why I’m here.
He instructed the driver to pull over as he realised they were getting close,
wondering how on Earth he was going to just tell him to leave him there, on a
street near Lake Geneva, with zero explanation as to why.
Maybe I should take him to the airport. He nodded to himself and looked over.
Yeah, if I send him home I have the car, and I don’t have to explain. He
doesn’t have to see where I go and think about why.
“Ok, let’s go to the airport.”
*
“Hi. It’s Nicky.”
“Hey. How are you?”
“Yeah I’m ok. How are you?”
“I’m ok. Marc moved in.”
“Yeah I saw. I’m real happy for you. Hope it’s not getting too crazy with the
reactions…”
Dani frowned as he tried to figure out the words and accent. “Thank you. It’s
ok, we’re protected here.”
“Yeah I guess. Ok well I’m calling ‘cause I saw Marc’s tweet and I …” He
trailed off as he wondered whether this had been a bad idea. He liked Vale, and
he liked Dani, and he respected them both. But something about the situation
made him think that Dani needed to know. “Ok well…I think Valentino might be
coming to see you.”
Dani felt his heart start to pound and sat bolt upright in bed. “What?!”
Marc propped himself up on an elbow and stared up at Dani’s face, mouthing
‘ok?’ and not enjoying the facial expression he got in return.
“Yeah I think so. He left the event here and I think he’s coming up to Geneva.”
Dani froze and wondered what he should say, wondering why Nicky was telling
him, wondering how much he knew and why. “Ok. Thanks…for telling me.”
“No problem. And…I don’t think you should tell him I told you, ok? And he
seemed upset. So I hope y’all figure it out.”
He was upset enough for people to notice?! “Ok, I won’t. Thanks, Nicky.”
“No problem.”
Dani dropped the phone back onto the bed and looked back at Marc as the younger
rider nuzzled his forearm. “Ok?”
He shook his head and sighed. “Valentino’s coming.”
Marc’s face fell and he collapsed back onto the bed, first few seconds of angry
silence broken as he growled at the ceiling.
“FUCK.”
There were a few more seconds of silence before the Moto2 rider threw the sheet
back and rolled out of bed, picking his boxer shorts off the floor and pulling
them on, followed by his jeans, stalking out the room and down the stairs. “I
fucking knew it.”
Dani hung his head and sighed as he heard him go, thinking over the last few
hours before his phone rang. The roses had made his face light up, and the
paint had been immediately and messily tested on the wall near the back door.
The photos of Dani and Valentino had been taken down and stacked near the front
door, and the suitcase of stuff he’d brought with him had been emptied into the
wardrobe in the bedroom. And then he’d turned round and looked at Dani with a
big smile, tugging at the hem of his t shirt and erasing any worry the older
rider had had of not being allowed to touch him for weeks, before pulling it
over his head and dropping it on the floor next to them, getting to his knees
and popping the button on Dani’s jeans before pulling them to the floor and
then standing back up to face to face, staring him down with a hint of
challenge in his eyes. And they’d made it to the bed, just, and Dani had felt
the wall come down again as it had the night before, Marc’s brain turned off
and everything unconscious and natural. And then the phone had rung.
Dani got out the bed and retrieved his own boxers and jeans from over the room,
pulling them on and leaving his shirt off as Marc had done, wincing as bangs
and crashes echoed up the stairs before going down to face them.
He was angry. Much, much angrier than Dani had ever seen him before. And it
wasn’t the same anger as he’d seen before. In Cervera it had been tinged with
desperation at someone to help, frustration at the situation. In Sitges it had
been up and down, only really showing because he was trying to make a point.
After his parents had argued with him, he had been upset and angry. But now, it
was just anger. Pure anger. And it was strange because it wasn’t aimed at him.
He wasn’t trying to make a point at Dani, he was just unable to control
himself.
The pictures were the victims. And the VR46 t shirt Dani had admitted to
owning. The shirt was now in a ripped pile just outside the front door, and
Marc was stood over it throwing the pictures, and frames, out into the
darkness. Dani watched him for a few seconds before walking up behind him and
wrapping his arms round him, the younger rider struggling at first and then
losing the fight and just relaxing against him, frustrated tears appearing.
Dani just waited a moment and then pressed a kiss into his neck. “I know. It’s
ok.”
“It’s not ok.” Marc spat the words out and let out a little upset whimper at
the same time. “It’s just not.”
Dani nodded into his shoulder and pressed his lips to his ear. “I know. But
what can he do?”
Marc became more of a dead weight and Dani realised he was almost holding him
up as he gave up on it. “I don’t know.”
“Ok.” Dani gently turned him around and tilted his chin up to get eye contact.
“Well I’ll tell you what he can do. He can scream and shout and get angry. Or
he can cry and beg and plead, or talk and question and try anything. But
nothing will make a difference.”
Headlights appeared at the end of the drive and Dani sighed as he realised he
knew the code. So he can get in.
“You listening?”
Marc’s eyes were closed as he nodded. “Yeah.”
“Good. Now look at me…”
He did.
“I would retire right now if it would make you feel better for me to be away
from him.”
Marc’s breath caught and Dani allowed himself a nod and smile.
“Exactly. Be angry, but that’s all. What the fuck are you worried about?”
***** As You Were *****
Chapter Notes
     I wrote these as one but then preferred the split. I guess that is
     the reason why there's 4 million chapters. ;)
     <3
Vale got out the car and saw they were sat on the steps next to each other,
both shirtless. Both having watched him drive down the driveway.
What am I going to say?
He locked the car and the gravel crunched underfoot, the sound making him
realise the cold and wonder how they weren’t freezing.
“Hi.”
Dani stared at him as he stopped in front of them and waited, feeling the light
behind him make a halo behind his hair, before Marc looked up at him and
smiled.
“Hi. You going to buy me that dinner now?”
Vale stared at him and felt a strange mixture of jealousy, anger and guilt.
“No.”
“So why are you here?”
The Italian sighed and shrugged slightly. “I want to talk.”
The Moto2 rider got to his feet and Vale shivered as the muscles in his chest
flexed slightly. Wow.
“Ok. Coffee?”
Valentino stared after him as he went inside, completely confused by the
attitude. “Yeah…” He looked back down at Dani to see the HRC rider staring up
at him.
“You know it’s an abuse of trust to use that gate code without asking.”
“It’s an abuse of trust to have told him what happened.”
Dani laughed bitterly and got to his feet. “No, it’s not.” He walked inside and
looked over his shoulder to reply further. “It’s the opposite. You did this to
yourself.”
“I did this?” Valentino shadowed him in and took the seat he was pointed to.
“You left.”
“Yeah, I did leave. Which was a good way of telling you I’d done talking.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It wasn’t easy.” Dani sat down opposite him and smiled at Marc as he put a cup
of coffee in front of him. “It was very, very difficult.”
“And don’t you wonder why it was difficult?”
Marc put another cup down in front of Valentino and coughed. “I’m stood right
here.”
“I know.” Vale looked up at him and Dani saw the spark as their eyes met. He
feels it. Despite everything, he feels that little fizz when those eyes get
you. “And I’m sorry. But I can’t just give up.”
Marc shrugged at him and sat down next to Dani. “Keep going for a hundred years
if you want.”
How are you so relaxed?! Vale looked back at Dani and saw the hint of a smirk.
“You told him everything?”
“Yeah.”
“Everything…”
“Yeah, I think so. If you can think of anything else, feel free.”
There was a moment of tense silence before Valentino pressed 'reset'. “It was
difficult to walk away.”
The HRC rider nodded and him freely. “Yeah, it was. Because you were offering
me everything I’d wanted for years. So it took me a little while to realise
that past tense. I’ve moved on now. It took a long time, but I have. So I don’t
know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to tell me you didn’t feel anything when you kissed me.”
Dani caught Marc’s fist clenching under the table, leg tapping, and squeezed
his knee slightly to calm him down. “I felt a lot. I wanted to rewind a few
years and relive everything differently. I wanted to feel you pick me up and
carry me across the room. I wanted to reply to you with the same words and see
you smile at me and mean it. But none of that could happen, because in the end
I just felt like I was saying goodbye.”
Vale just stared at him across the table and locked eyes with him. “I don’t
believe you. Does he?”
“I do.” Marc stared back at him and smiled. “And there’s nothing you can do
about it.”
“How old are you?” Vale turned back to the younger rider and smiled the same
reptilian smile in return.
“I’m 17.”
“Exactly.”
Marc shrugged. “Whatever you mean by that, you’re wrong.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. I’m the one sat here in what is now my house, making you a cup of coffee
and smiling at you. I’m the one who’s being photographed everywhere I go. I’m
the one being talked about on message boards and twitter. I’m the one who
dared. And more than that, I did it because I care too much to let anything
else get in the way. Gossip, or you. All the same.”
Valentino stared at him and felt himself start to get angry and upset in equal
measure. Because he was right, and because he was calm. “You’ve never made a
mistake?”
“I’ve made lots of mistakes. But I’ve also learnt a lot of lessons.”
“I bet you think you have.”
“I bet you’ll find out.”
There were a few tense seconds as they stared at each other before Vale looked
away and Dani saw the hint of a victory smile on Marc’s face before the Italian
spoke again.
“I want to talk to you alone.” He locked eyes with Dani and raised his
eyebrows. “Please?”
“No.”
“Scared it’ll happen again?”
“No.”
The Italian took a long, deep breath and nodded to himself. “Right, fine.”
Dani studied him and sighed. “You know what the worst thing about this is? You
didn’t care until you saw you had to.”
Vale shook his head and took a sip of his drink. “No. I always cared. Sepang
made me realise how much.”
They all felt the hit of sadness and swallowed hard, Dani sighing as he nodded.
“I understand and I’m sorry. Seeing Marc crash did the same thing in a way. But
you can’t change that. Whatever you do, going backwards and trying to get
things back is not going to help.”
“It would.”
“No.” Dani put his cup down and shook his head. “No it wouldn’t. And I can’t do
it. That’s it!” He looked back at the Ducati rider and raised his hands in a
shrug. “That’s what you don’t understand! I don’t know if you really love me or
not, but that doesn’t matter. Because what’s happened is that something is
hurting you and you’re looking for someone to fix it. And I already tried that.
I tried that and you broke me instead. I can’t do it. And I’m not going to try
again. And I’ll tell you one thing…” He trailed off and looked at Marc
wondering if he should carry on, hoping he’d take it the right way. “I can fix
him. Just look.”
Vale’s eyes flicked onto Marc and then back. “I’m not broken.”
“Maybe you’re not. But you’re not the whole thing right now. And you can tell
yourself that’s because you don’t have me or you can realise that it’s because
you don’t have me that you might be able to sort it for yourself.” He took a
deep breath and looked back at Marc. “You get what I meant?”
“Yeah.”
The weight lifted off his shoulders and he stared back at him. “And you know
that other half of that is that you can do the same for me, right?”
“Yeah.” Marc smiled at him and took a sip of coffee, eyes burning into Dani’s.
“I got you.”
Valentino suddenly got to his feet and walked slowly over to the sink with his
mug, placing it in there and leaning against the counter, not wanting to look
at the look between them. “You’re dreaming.”
“No.” Dani watched him and felt the sharp stab of guilt as the Ducati rider
turned and they locked eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry for what happened. But
I can’t help you.”
“I don’t want you to fix me, Dani. That’s not it. I want you because you help
me to help myself, but you never realised that. To me, that’s the whole fucking
problem. The reason that I never said ‘I love you’ out loud. You were always
trying to change those little things, but I was fine. Life goes up, life goes
down. That’s the way it is. And I dealt with it fine.”
“Maybe you did, but then now you think you made a mistake, so…”
“I learnt a lesson.”
“Maybe you did. But I don’t think you changed. You're exactly as you were
then.”
“I’ve changed a lot.”
“For the better? How’s Ducati working out for you? Wishing you’d had the balls
to stay at Yamaha now? Got over the ego?”
“Fuck you.” Valentino seethed at him and glared. “That’s got nothing to do with
this.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you.” The HRC rider grimaced at the look on his face.
“To be honest I’m not sure that’s why you went. But it seems like as soon as it
got a little uncomfortable and you had to really stand up and prove yourself,
you went. Just like you did with me.”
“That’s not what it was. I just don’t like being put second.”
“Oh, I know.” Dani nodded at him and smiled at the irony. “The other person
always comes second.”
Valentino stared at him and shook his head. You don’t understand. “Not you.”
Dani sighed and smiled sadly. “Vale, what I want now is not what you’re giving
me, ok? If you loved me, you wouldn’t be here. Because I want Marc. I want to
be with Marc and move on. Putting me first means walking out and calling a
truce.”
The Italian stared at him for a few seconds before he nodded. “Ok. Fine.” He
walked back over to stand opposite them and spread his arms wide, suddenly
purposeful again. “If that’s the proof you want, that’s the proof you’ll get.”
He looked at Marc and smiled, much more genuinely, taking a few seconds to
breathe. “I’m sorry.”
The Moto2 rider stared at him and shrugged slightly. “I’m not.”
“I know.” Vale gave him a sideways smile and nodded. “That’s why I like you.”
Marc’s eyes widened in surprise slightly before he managed a slight smile.
“Right.”
“I mean it.” Vale pointed at Dani and shrugged. “He’s got good taste. I think
this is a mistake, and I don’t think it will work, but if he thinks he wants
you, ok. I’m going. You won. Prove me wrong.”
Marc kept staring before nodding and smiling. “I know. I won a long time ago.”
“I’m not going to stop reminding him.”
“I’m not going to stop trusting him.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds before Vale looked back at Dani.
“And you told Jorge.”
And he told you?! “N-“
“I did.” Marc pointed to his phone and nodded. “That was me. Maybe that was a
bad idea.”
Valentino raised his eyebrows and nodded at him knowingly. “That explains why
you’re talking about learning from your mistakes then.” He walked back to the
door and put a hand on the handle, ready to leave, done with the conversation
and ready to move on to proving Dani's point. “Harder to do than to say,
though. Look at him. And I think that is one mistake you’ll learn from the hard
way.”
Dani felt his heart rate skyrocket and looked back at Marc, who was still
calmly looking over at the Italian shaking his head. “We’ll see.”
Valentino nodded and smiled.
“Yes you will. How much would you offer for a straight championship winning
rider?” He opened the door and stepped outside. “Just enough to give him the
option? Or everything?”
What?!
The two Spaniards looked at each other and frowned as the engine of Valentino’s
car started outside, Dani feeling himself suddenly go cold.
What…
***** The Real Me *****
Chapter Notes
     Depending on what happens later, I may update or not...I may write 60
     chapters or none. ;)
     I tried to post this last night but AO3 was down and I was severely
     tired and gutted about SX so ... I won't say I gave up ;) but I will
     say I chose to regroup ;)
     Thank you!!
Dani finally found his voice again. “What does that mean?”
Marc shrugged at him and frowned. “I don’t know. Does it have to mean anything?
He’s hardly going to wish us luck and sing Honda or Lorenzo’s praises is he?”
But he said it like it was his ace. “Maybe.” Not.
“Probably.” The Moto2 rider sighed and slumped over the table slightly. “That
was fun, anyway.”
“Yeah, sorry. Let’s forget about that for now.”
“What, Vale? Or Jorge?”
“Both.”
“Good.” He hit the table with his palm and flinched accordingly. “I’m so TIRED
of this! When did it get so complicated?”
“I know. I expected more trouble from everyone else, and less trouble from
him.”
“I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t this.”
Dani got to his feet and suddenly realised that neither of them had shirts on,
still, putting a hand on each of Marc’s shoulders and starting to massage. “I
know. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“About him.”
“About the fact that you kissed him or the fact that he came here?”
“Both.”
“Ok.” Marc hung his head as he relaxed and took a deep breath, enjoying the
handiwork. “Me too.” Another few deep breaths. “Right.” He stood up and turned
to Dani. “That’s it now. Until we wake up in the morning, no phones, no tweets,
no visitors, no worrying. Blackout.”
Dani nodded and smiled at him. “Good idea.”
“I know.” He turned and grabbed his now empty cup from the table behind him
before noticing Dani’s face and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Don’t
give me that face.”
“What face?!”
“The worried face. I’m fed up with worrying.”
“Me too.” Doesn’t mean I can switch it off though.
“Just try and switch it off.”
Dani froze and stared, Marc turning back to him and then frowning at his face.
“What now?”
“I think you just read my mind.”
“Oh.” He smiled at the look on Dani’s face and shrugged. “Is that a good
thing?”
“It’s not a bad thing. I’d say weird and wonderful. You do it a lot.”
“Just another talent I have, right?”
“Yup.” He grinned at the irritation that agreeing with sarcastic arrogance
always caused, and then gratefully braced himself against the table as Marc
attacked back with a kiss, pulling away and tracing a finger down Dani’s chest.
“Do you know what I’m thinking now?”
The easy answer would be yes, but it's rarely the easy answer. “Yeah. You’re
thinking you’re sorry we were interrupted before but that the moment has gone
for now. You’re thinking you want to curl up and watch a movie?”
Marc’s face changed from challenging doubt to impressed shock. “Wow.”
“I got you.”
He smiled at the repeat of those words and nodded. “I know. I’m trying to put a
brave-“
“I know.” Dani nodded at him slid his hand down into his back pocket, giving it
a gentle squeeze. “We’ll get there.”
Marc traced his finger along a scar on Dani’s collarbone and followed it with
his eyes, nodding. “Just keep on getting back up…”
*
The first few miles were ok, the frustration and anger enough to just keep his
eyes burning straight forward through the windscreen and not think about
anything too much. By the time he’d left the lake behind and was on the way
back down towards the border, it had become more complete emotional confusion,
swinging wildly between tears, anger and blank staring.
Is he right? Is that the problem? Did I leave because I want to put him first,
or did I leave because I didn’t like what he was saying?
He eventually had to pull in for more petrol and felt the fresh air and excited
glances pep him back up again.
Yes, I’m Valentino Rossi. Yes, I am strangely alone and driving through
Switzerland on a winter's evening.
He smiled for a few pictures and then felt the silence sap his energy again
slightly as he closed himself back in and set off again.
Yes, now everyone is going to know that.
He drove further and found a CD in the CD player that was good enough, feeling
himself get more and more regretful about not having just walked in and
apologised.
Put him first…or even put Marc first, prove a point that way.
His phone started to ring and he glanced down at the screen to see if it was
worth pulling over for, seeing ‘Nicky’ flash up and deciding yes, probably
worth it.
Of course it could be that he absolutely will never change his mind and the
moment he walked out of that hotel room was it.
“Hello?”
It could even be that that is the best way it could've happened.
“Hey. So I saw you went to Switzerland. Some people tweeting pictures. You
coming back now?”
“Oh. Ok. Yeah. Where are you?” Already?!
“Still here in Aosta. You want me to get you a beer in?”
Valentino stared down at the clock and thought about it. “Yeah.”
It could be that he's actually done what he said he wouldn't and talked some
sense into me. Maybe not fixed it, but put a splint on it. Is that proof?
“Ok. Hotel opposite where we did the event. I’m in the back. Still some of the
guys here. You er…you ok?”
So I can at least walk around on my own.
“Yeah I’m fine!” He realised he’d not even used his brain before making the
reply. Maybe I do that too much. “See you soon…”
“Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Drive safe, bro.”
Vale caught himself before he laughed at the way he'd said it and nodded to
himself. "See you soon. Maybe...get me 2 beers."
Maybe the fact that I was even able to laugh at that means it's right this way.
He pulled back onto the road and dropped the phone back onto the passenger
seat. And what does that mean?
A few miles further he pulled over again and nodded to himself.
It means that I need to repair the bridges before I can walk across them. If I
want to try and walk across them again.
He pulled out his phone and sent a text to each of them, just saying 'I'm
sorry. And I mean it. Hope you're ok.'. Then he logged into Twitter and
wondered whether he was about to commit another act of irony, Dani's picture
staring back at him making him return to yes I will always want to walk across
them.
@ValeYellow46: Thanks @26_DaniPedrosa and @marcmarquez93 for the coffee! Hope
you're settled in ok! :)
Did I do that to reinforce the apology? Or did I do that to take the sting out
of Marc's tweet and stop everyone asking me about it?
He pulled back out and settled into the seat.
Maybe I really am just 'Valentino Rossi' and whatever that means. He took a
deep breath and stared at himself in the rearview mirror. I need some
Chihuahua. That is not something I should be asking myself.
*
“I could never do that.”
They were curled up on the sofa and watching the end credits of Vicky Cristina
Barcelona, mainly because they both wanted to enjoy their city from afar, and
from the safe environment of a locked Swiss house; Marc, as always, making up
for the small height difference by letting his feet stick out further, head on
Dani’s chest.
“Do what?”
“Share you.”
Dani smiled and raised an eyebrow. “Well you’ll never have to.”
“I know.” Marc nodded and then looked back up at him, Dani trying to move his
head back to get eye contact. “I’m guessing if you don’t want Valentino, you
probably don’t want anybody else either.”
“True. But it’s not because I don’t want Valentino. It’s bec-“
“I know. You want me.” Marc swivelled his head and pressed his lips to Dani’s
chest, flicking his tongue over his nipple and then grinning up at him. “But
that works out pretty well seeing as I really want you.”
Dani felt his heart start to go boom again and wondered if Marc could feel it
smashing into his hand, which was still resting there. “Good. You want to go to
bed?”
“Well, I want to go to the bed, yeah.” Marc propped himself up and wiggled his
eyebrows back at the HRC rider before frowning sternly. “Don’t give me that
face again, Daniel.”
Dani’s eyes widened and he grinned. “Excuse me?!”
“That face.” Marc poked him on the cheek and grinned wickedly for the first
time since he’d got to Geneva. “The face that says you’re wondering if I’ll be
hot or cold or even touch you or if I forgive you or if I believe you or trust
you. PUT IT AWAY. We’re on blackout. And that means that everything between you
leaving Cervera and the start of this movie is erased from our memories until
tomorrow and you can carry me upstairs right now and FUCK ME. The real me.”
Dani’s mouth popped into a little ‘o’ shape and he nodded. “Sounds ok to me.”
The older rider was pulled to his feet and stood in front of Marc studying him,
just checking one last time that there was no residue of bad reasons to ask
someone to do that, and found none. The Moto2 rider stared back at him with a
half-smile and a raised eyebrow.
“I’m waiting…”
“I know.” Dani took a step forward and grabbed him, then slowly fought his way
over to the stairs with Marc wrapped around him, wondering if this time it
would be fuck and what that would mean given the situation. By the time they
got to the top of the stairs, that question had vanished and Marc’s forehead
was resting gently against his.
“Ok actually…make love to me. Please.”
Dani tilted his chin up to kiss him, quick flash of eye contact setting that
request in stone, and nodded as the younger rider buried his face in his
shoulder.
“No problem.”
The real me... That suddenly hit him as he put Marc down on the end of the bed.
The one when it's just us? "The real you?"
"Yeah." Marc nodded and pushed himself back as Dani straddled him. "The one
when it's just us."
*
“I’m just about to set off. It’s too early. I’m tired.”
“Ok. I’M tired.”
“Well..I can imagine.”
“I think Adriana is going to kill me. For the tiredness, and the phone bill.
You feeling ok?”
“I feel guilty.”
“Funny how things change. Or people…? Bet you would have enjoyed lying to him
before.”
“Exactly. And hey, it’s not lying. I’m just not telling the truth.” Jorge put
the key in the ignition and shut the door, ready to go. “Did I tell you about
Valentino?”
“Hmmm.. And no…what about him?”
“He and Dani have history. He’s trying to get Dani back or something…”
“Woah. Trust your instincts today then. They seem good!”
“Yeah I guess.” The Mallorcan let out a whoosh of breath and tapped the
steering wheel. “So what are you betting they’ll offer?”
“Probably as much as Ducati gave Valentino.”
“What?! No.”
“Yeah. For one, they want you. But also, they want to seem like they had a real
reason to drop Dani. He didn't fight for the title because of injury this year,
right? So basically, if theyreallywant him gone, the only person they can
replace him with is you, otherwise it will raise too many eyebrows about the
real reason...so they're going to go for it.”
“Right. Well…ok. We’ll see. I doubt it will be that much.”
“You mean you are capable of doubting?”
“Yes. Always.”
“Hey, I was joking. Don’t be so serious.”
“I know…just…doubt…not a good topic. I just keep thinking about if he-“
“I know. Just keep your eyes on the prize, ok? Push it as far as they’ll go.”
“I know.”
“How did I end up giving psychological advice toyou?!”
Jorge laughed and shrugged to himself. “Well…I don’t know. But I’ve never done
anything like this before, remember. Yamaha got me from 250s and that was it.”
“True. Ok…I’m going to sleep. Or bed, anyway.”
“Don’t want to know! Ok, I guess I’ll call you later?”
“No, I’ll callyouwhen I wake up. Assuming you don't sign it in the next hour.”
“Better idea. And an hour? Ambitious.”
"It's all talent."
"Oh, I'm sure. Bye."
The Mallorcan cancelled the call and looked in the rearview mirror to see if
Ricky was finally ready, seeing him jogging towards the car.
Here we go.
***** The 'I' In Team *****
Chapter Notes
     Don't want to talk about that race! :(
     (ma grande Vale e Marc!)
     And here we go...we are going...going..... ;) <3
Valentino slid across into the booth next to Nicky and gratefully took the beer
that was slid back in front of him.
“So how’d it go?”
Vale took a sip and stared at him. “What?”
“Hey, I’m not blind, you know. I’ve been watching. I saw the way you looked at
each other.”
He’s had just enough beer to say those words out loud. “Oh.”
“So…?”
“Not good.”
Nicky looked sideways at him and raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
The Italian studied his face and nodded slowly. “Yeah. You want to talk about
this?”
“Hey, I’m fine. I don’t have much experience in this situation, but it’s no
problem for me.”
“Ok.” Vale nodded and took another sip of beer. “Well…yeah. Me and Dani used to
be…together. When he was younger. A lot, lot younger. Then we weren’t…and then
we were. Seriously.”
“Wow. Ok.”
“Yeah. And I was the one that ended it because I got too scared. I don’t commit
to things. I didn’t commit to him. But I was thinking about him…and then
suddenly he’s with Marc…I thought maybe I have a chance.”
Nicky nodded and shrugged sadly. “I guess he didn’t say yes, right?”
“No. He…kissed me, in Milano. In the hotel. But he say he doesn’t love me, and
he love Marc.”
“Ok.”
“And I went to talk.”
“And…?”
“And I decide I should apologise to Marc, but then when I get there I see him
and I can’t help it.”
“Oh. Right…so was it bad? Or y’all sort it out?”
“Wasn’t good. But is a bit better. Dani say if I care, I leave him alone. So I
leave.”
Nicky nodded and frowned into his beer. “So…you given up then?”
“Maybe not.” Vale shrugged and mirrored his teammate’s drinking. “I need to
think.” About me.
*
He dropped Ricky off at the track 20 minutes earlier than he was meant to,
having set off too early and combined it with driving too fast, and sat staring
at himself in the mirror for a couple of minutes before setting off again for
the meeting.
There is also the possibility I haven’t considered, which is that they’re just
checking options because this made them question Dani for a reason that has
nothing to do with his sexuality.
He threw all the possibilities around in his brain for a while as he drove,
finally pulling into the car park and taking a deep breath, trying to erase the
guilt.
But I didn’t believe that before, enough so that I’ve invested a lot of time in
this. So let’s just go for it.
*
Sunshine.
Dani smiled as he woke up, instinctively feeling the warmth of Marc still there
next to him.
What a difference 24 hours makes.
The thing that seemed to have made the difference – and he’d noticed it
straight away – had been what he’d said about retiring, yes. But it had also
been the way they’d sat opposite each other and nothing had happened. That
tractor beam that had pulled Dani in in the hotel in Milan hadn’t really
appeared when Vale had showed up, and he guessed that was mainly because he was
frustrated, because he was annoyed that Vale had showed up, and because Marc
had been there. The side by side comparison had even surprised him slightly. He
looked at Vale and felt painful pangs of regret and lust and ‘could have been’,
and he still cared; he always would. But then he looked at Marc, and that was
it. Side by side they were incomparable.
He turned over to see if Marc was awake, the Moto2 rider completely buried in
sheets and pillows, only the top of his head and closed eyes visible, breathing
still too low and steady for him to be awake or dozing. Dani ran his fingers
lightly through his hair and gently moved the sheets down off the bottom of his
face, smiling to himself at how perfect he looked lit up by the sun, completely
calm.
If I could press pause now for a few hours… He took a deep breath and tried to
control that bang that always hit him when he realised all at once that this
was his life; he’d gone to Cervera and Marc had actually said ‘yes’. Maybe I
wouldn’t, actually. Maybe the perfect pause will be the moment we get to in
about 2 minutes. He leaned in closer and ran a finger over the younger rider’s
cheek.
“Marc.”
He chewed his lip slightly and moved a bit, but nothing much.
“Marc. Wake up.”
His eyes flickered open and focused on Dani’s face before a blurry smile
appeared. “Morning.”
Dani smiled back and kissed his forehead. “Good morning.”
*
Vale opened his eyes far too quickly to deal with the amount of light in the
room, and instinctively tried to put his arm over his face, that for some
reason seeming easier than just closing them again, and frowned in confusion as
he realised his arm was pinned down. He groaned and lifted his head up to take
a look.
Nicky Hayden. Dressed in a beanie hat, ski jacket and boxer shorts, passed out
cold on his right arm.
There was a split second of panic that something had actually happened before
the Italian started to remember bits and pieces of the night and grinned to
himself, face slightly reddening.
There was singing. There was a lot of drinking. There was a girl. Maybe two.
There may have been drunken skiing in the car park..?
He braced himself for the inevitable bolt of hangover as he prepared to pull
his arm free, realising too late that he’d massively misjudged the space and
rolling straight off the bed with a loud bang and ‘oofff!’.
“FUCK.”
Nicky’s head immediately popped up at the noise and wild eyes searched the room
for what might have happened; no idea at what had caused the noise, groan
accompanying the descent of the same head a couple of seconds later.
“Fuck.”
Vale stared at the ceiling and laughed as he heard the echo, sitting up slowly
and peering over at his teammate.
“Are you alive?”
Nicky’s head shook from side to side. “Absolutely not.”
Vale grinned and nodded. “I know.” He looked down at himself and freely cringed
at the sight that met him, some sort of map drawn on his stomach in pen, boxer
shorts still on, one sock missing.
Or maybe it’s stranger that one sock is present?
Nicky finally sat up properly and caught sight of himself in the mirror
opposite the bed, slowly pulling off the hat and turning to look at Valentino,
pointing an accusatory finger.
“You. It’s your fault. This never happened with Dani.”
Vale felt the name hit him slightly and tried to figure out the mix of
emotions, before giving up and shrugging back at him with a grin.
“Was a fun night, no?”
Maybe… He watched Nicky grin in return and shrugged again, feeling everything
start to work again slightly in his head. But not in his body. Maybe I am
'Valentino Rossi'.
Nicky stretched out to reach the phone and threw it across the bed as though it
was the last grenade in the trench, collapsing back into a heap.
“Call breakfast. I want meat.”
Maybe I'm also still the kid from Tavullia.
*
About an hour later, they were eventually both showered and eating toast in the
kitchen, about to pick up their phones and see what the damage was from ‘the
blackout’. It could be that not one person had called or sent a message; it
could be that millions had.
“Ok…3…2…1...” Marc grimaced and raised his eyebrows. “Go!”
They picked them up, looked at the screens and then looked at each other after
reading Valentino’s text.
“Same?”
“Same.”
“Ok.” Marc nodded and took a deep breath. “That’s good. I am willing to take it
the right way. I have a few missed calls…”
“Pfff. Fine. I don’t.” Dani pouted at him before dropping the joke and frowning
as he saw Marc’s face. “I mean have any missed calls. Ok?”
Marc nodded and breezed past it. “There’s one from Emilio. And a text from him,
asking if I moved to Geneva.” He looked up at Dani and made an oops face. “Keep
forgetting to tell people.”
Dani shook his head and smiled. “You didn’t even tell them?”
“No.” He scrolled further back and then frowned again. “And Alex called me 3
times.” He looked back up at Dani and held his phone up. “I’m going to call him
back, ok?”
The older rider nodded and watched him walk away, wondering if this was another
one of those moments where Marc accidentally shut him out, or if it was just a
brother thing, or even if the other moments had been ‘just a brother thing’
too.
He logged into Twitter and grinned at Cal’s kitchen tweet, deciding not to get
involved, and then noticed Vale’s tweet. Was that to reinforce the apology or
take some of the heat off? He hovered over reply before typing out what he
hoped Marc would agree with.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @ValeYellow46 no problem! Hope the drive back was ok… :)
I’m not putting ‘any time’. That would be too far. He was just about to put it
down again when he ended up on Vale’s profile and clicked on the newest tweet.
@ValeYellow46: Me and @NickyHayden owe this hotel a lot of money ;)
The picture was of them skiing out the front door of a hotel, grinning ear to
ear and looking decidedly tipsy.
Does that mean you’re ok? Does it mean it’s so bad you did a Marc? Or would it
have happened anyway and you’re just being you?
He hovered over it and then eventually just thought ‘fuck it’ and retweeted it;
no one would gain from public hostilities anyway, and it was too funny to
ignore. His mind wandered back to Marc guiltily and hoped he’d agree, wondering
about his disappearance as he put the phone down, staring out the window. I’m
sure he’ll explain… He was about to finish making a drink when the Moto2 rider
walked back into the kitchen, talking down the phone and saying he’d ask,
poking Dani in the back and moving the phone away from his ear.
“It’s Alex. He wants to know if he can visit.”
The tone in his voice and the look on his face made Dani think that saying ‘no’
would be tantamount to murder, so he nodded. “Sure.”
Marc smiled and pressed a purposefully silent kiss to his cheek before whirling
away again with the phone and organizing it. For the day after.
Dani frowned to himself again and waited for the end of the call, hoping the
tone wasn’t quite as rushed as he thought it sounded.
I’m sure he’ll explain…
He stared out the window and stirred his cup before two arms grabbed him from
behind and Marc, for once, used his slightly superior height to wrap him up,
pressing his lips to his ear.
“Thank you.”
Dani relaxed into the strange but welcome feeling, realising for the first time
that that was another big difference. Valentino always wrapped me up. “Any
time. Tomorrow?”
“Yeah. He needs a break, or alternatively I think my parents may have found
out. I think he’s bringing the boyfriend.”
“Is it a good idea to get mixed up in the politics of that?”
“No.” Marc pressed his lips into Dani’s neck and squeezed him gently. “But he
asked, and in the interest of not being political, I pretended I didn’t hear
anything else in his voice and said yes.”
Dani hung his head in happy, frustrated defeat. “Right.”
“I know. One day I’ll marry Carla Bruni.”
Dani was just about to automatically reply ‘no, you’ll marry me’ before
deciding to avoid that for now. “Great. Invite me?” He felt the infinitesimal
pause from Marc, not having expected him not to say that, and winced.
“Of course.”
The Moto2 rider let him go and was about to steal a sip of his drink when
Dani’s phone rang, PUIG glowing angrily on the screen. The HRC rider held it up
to signal he was about to answer it and put his cup into Marc’s hand, the
younger rider warmly smiling his thanks and taking it. Dani wandered away and
stole a look back as he sat on the sofa facing away from the kitchen door,
finding Marc stood exactly as he had been a few seconds before, staring out the
window.
Thinking the same thing?
He focused on the voice in his ear and turned around again. "Hi."
"Are you sitting down?"
"Yeah...?"
"I promised Casey I wouldn't say anything to you, but I think I have to..."
Casey?! What?! "Right...?"
"Honda are talking to Lorenzo."
Dani felt the air go out of his lungs and Valentino's comment from the night
before hit him straight in the chest. How much would you pay.... The seconds
ticked on as he stared at the wall. How much...
"Dani? You still there..?"
He coughed and nodded to himself, trying to regain composure. "Yeah. Ok." Deep
breath. "Well...let's not panic. And I'm sure Lorenzo wo-"
"Oh, no. Of course not. Which is why he's sat in a meeting with them right
now."
Dani hung his head and sighed. Oh. He heard Marc's footsteps behind him and
tried to shut the anger and betrayal off.
Oh my God.
*
It was hard work, going through everything as thoroughly as he knew he had to.
The wording of every phrase was important, and since some of it was in English,
that made the brain power even more. They were pretty eager, from the looks of
the glint in their eye. They got through the initial introductions and
pleasantries fairly quickly and eventually got to a point where money was being
discussed, and Jorge felt his skin shiver as they said the number; exactly what
Casey had said.
The budget of a very small country. Hundreds of Porsches. Enough to buy
islands.
Holy fuck.
He swallowed and nodded at it, looking back up to expectant faces and smiling.
“That’s a lot of money.”
They just stared back, waiting.
“You really want me in the team.”
“We do.”
“So would you run 3 bikes?”
“No. We would run two riders; you and Mr Stoner.”
Jorge frowned as though he hadn’t known that already and nodded to himself. I
know.
“Ok. That sounds good to me. Better.”
***** Villains *****
It was a split second decision, feeling Marc get closer and closing his eyes
briefly. I can’t tell him. Not right now. “Ok. Thanks for the update, Alberto.”
Not very convincing. “I’ll talk to you later about it, ok?”
“Dani we need to talk about this-“
“Ok. Thanks, bye.” He cancelled the call and dropped the phone on the sofa as
though it was just a normal conversation, Marc again attacking him from behind
and questioning in his ear.
“Ok?”
“Yeah.” Dani gulped and nodded, somehow knowing he had to keep it to himself,
and also knowing that was one of the hardest things to do. On the surface, it
looks like he should be the one who’s meant to be helping me…. On the surface
wasn’t where Dani was looking though, and he’d made good gut calls about
everything so far on that topic. Except for Lorenzo.
“Ok. I’m going to go for a run, again. Not as far as yesterday. Ok?”
Dani nodded and swivelled his head to receive a kiss, grateful that he’d have
some time alone to think. Or cry. Or smash things.
“Ok.”
“You want to come?”
“No, thanks. I’m not feeling very energetic.”
“Ok.” Marc pressed his lips against his ear again and giggled. “Although I
think this morning disagrees…”
Dani smiled and felt a bit of the weight lift. I have him. I still have him.
“Go.”
Marc let him go and walked over to the door, the HRC rider watching all the
subtle differences between this Marc and the one from Day 1.
I still have him.
*
“You tweeted it.”
Vale raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Yeah, I did.”
“I had a reputation.”
“Maybe you did. Not anymore!”
Nicky glared at him with all the malice of a kitten, and shrugged. “I guess
not.” He rammed more bacon into his mouth and Valentino watched him for a few
seconds, amazed that he didn’t feel anything. Because he’s good looking. That
definitely. I just don’t find him attractive in any way.
“So…last night.” Vale took a sip of orange juice and gave a contented sigh.
“There were girls.”
“Yup.”
“Did I…?”
“Yup.”
Valentino’s eyes widened at the immediate, definitive answer. “You watch?!”
“No!” Nicky’s face started to mirror his own and he shook his head. “No, I did
not. But you were in here for a while. And there were noises.”
Valentino shrugged and smiled. “Oh. Ok.”
“So I guess you’re not gay?”
“No. Bisexual. Like Dani.”
Nicky looked surprised and nodded. “Ok. I kind of wondered if y’all have just
been lying or telling half the truth.”
“Half the truth.” The Italian smiled as he stretched himself out towards the
ceiling. “Half the truth. Always.” He winked at Nicky and picked up his phone.
“Now I organise the biggest pizza night in the history of Tavullia. You want to
come?”
Nicky stared at him and Valentino could see the ‘yes!’ versus ‘I may look
confident and American but I won’t know anybody…’ argument raging. “Er…yeah?”
“Ok. I tell Uccio, lots of sausage for Nicky…” Valentino grinned at him and
raised an eyebrow, wondering if the American was really comfortable enough to
accept a joke directed at him, enjoying the evil. Nicky went quite red for a
split second then giggled like a schoolgirl.
“Sounds good.”
*
Marc ran for about a kilometre before he stopped and leaned on his legs. Wow.
He took a few deep breaths and looked out across the water as he tried to get
his bearings. There were no stars, and he wasn’t about to have to lie on the
ground and hold on, that he knew. But something was strange, as though he’d had
a few drinks and was trying to run on a surface that kept moving ever so
slightly from left to right. I can turn round now or I can try and carry on… He
stood up straight again and tested moving his head from left to right. Carry
on. Then I have to organise when I’m having this surgery.
He set off again, slightly slower than before, and felt everything get back to
something more like normal for a few kilometres, before again he suddenly had
to stop and stand still.
Ok, maybe now…I’ll turn round.
*
Dani stared at the blank TV for about 5 minutes before it all started to sink
in, ‘PUIG’ flashing on his phone every 20 or 30 seconds. Lorenzo in Repsol
colours. Him and Casey celebrating. Lorenzo picking Marc up from the airport.
Lorenzo and Marc’s party in the restaurant in Cervera. Him staying over. The
phone calls. Text messages. And Marc even told him about me and Valentino.
Lorenzo smiling and nodding at him. Lorenzo telling Marc’s parents he’d trust
Dani with anything. Valentino’s warning. Or stirring. Lorenzo, Lorenzo,
Lorenzo.
Lorenzo in a meeting with Honda taking my fucking ride.
He felt himself almost about to cry before the anger suddenly overtook it and
he got to his feet and clenched his fists, unsure as to whether he was more
angry at himself for trusting him or more angry at him for the betrayal.
Both.
He stalked over to the connecting garage door and flung it open, grabbing a
jacket and boots and pulling them on over his clothes before ramming a helmet
on his head and getting on his bike.
Definitely both.
He started it and twisted the throttle a few times before leaning and hitting
the button to open to the garage door, almost doing a practice start out onto
the drive before sitting up to make himself more visible to the gate, so it
would open sooner. It did, and Dani roared off down the street, at first unsure
where he was really going, then doubling back and ending up at a private track
he sometimes practiced on. He sat at the gate and flipped his visor up to stare
into the CCTV entry and nodded his thanks as it beeped and opened.
Nobody else is here.
It was empty save for the lone figure that appeared out of the pit building,
and Dani pulled up next to him and flipped the visor again.
“I know I didn’t call ahead.”
“No problem. How long do you need? I have a group coming in a couple of hours.”
“Not long.” He noticed the confusion in return and nodded. “I’m not here to
practice, I’m here to calm down.”
“Right. I wondered about the bike. And tyres.” Worried face. “Is that a good
idea?”
“Yes.” He flipped the visor down and gave him a thumbs up, which was
reciprocated, before roaring out onto the track and trying to calm his
breathing slightly. Won’t be a good idea if I fall off. In jeans. He forced
himself to relax and felt the rear tyre start to slide slightly as he got to
the first corner. But I’m not going to fall off.
*
“I just have one more question. Why now?”
They stared at him and smiled.
“We saw an opportunity.”
“Ok.” Jorge smiled at them and nodded. “But these things are usually sorted
much, much earlier. What changed?”
“Like I said, we saw an opportunity.”
Jorge took a deep breath and nodded. “Nothing has changed for me. My reaction
would have been the same if you’d come to me in August. And I see Dani came out
as gay, and then a few days later I get this call. Like Cal did.” He watched
the flicker of panic as he said the Tech3 rider’s name. Yeah, I’ve talked to
other people, stay calm. “I just want all the cards on the table.” To know how
bad this is.
“I’m afraid that’s not a situation we wish to discuss.”
“Ok.” Jorge could feel the mood getting tense and smiled, trying to lighten the
tone. “I just need to know where I stand, how bad this will be when Dani finds
out!”
A few frowns reflected back at him, nervously wanting to be amused, and he
shrugged happily.
“I mean, if I told you that I had a boyfriend, would that be a problem?”
He held his breath and waited, the gasp almost audible and followed by a long,
nervous pause.
“If you turn back to page 3 of our outline and read Article 4, that should
answer your question.”
Jorge nodded and flicked through the first page before his eyes settled on the
right paragraph.
Any action that would be deemed to negatively affect the image of Honda Racing
Corporation, the Repsol Honda team… He read through the very dry phrasing and
nodded to himself, looking back up into slightly nervous faces.
“So…basically, I can do what I want behind closed doors.”
They nodded and smiled, relief at having found an ally evident, mood buoyed and
almost genial. “Exactly. We just want our image as the world’s best racing team
to remain.”
Jorge smiled and laughed slightly, wondering if they had any idea of the
difference between that noise and the noise of him laughing at Marc in the
restaurant. Probably none. “Ok. And don’t worry, I’m straight.”
He grinned at the reaction and nodded, getting to his feet to signal he was
going and shaking each hand offered.
“Thank you for the opportunity. I’ll think about it for a while and contact you
again soon.”
Nodding, smiling. Happy it had gone as they wanted, happy he’d understood the
delicate politics of the situation without them having to say ‘if you are gay,
you can rip that contract up’.
“Thank you. And, off the record…you had us worried there! We thought you were
about to say you were gay!”
Jorge laughed again and shook his head like they were insane. “Of course not!”
He held up the draft contract and smiled. “I’ll sit down with my manager and go
through this properly before we meet again.”
“Fantastic. We hope to see you again soon.”
“I’m sure you will.” He did his best impression of Valentino’s smile when he
came second and nodded, holding the door for them on the way out and wondering
why he had. “Like I said, thank you for the opportunity.”
*
Dani did a stoppie in front of the stopwatch man and flicked his visor back up.
“So…?”
“Well. You’ve only been round here a few times on road tyres before.”
“And…?”
“And you just went 3 seconds faster.”
Dani grinned in the helmet and nodded. “Thought so. Right.” He kicked the side
stand down and got off. “Drink? Then I’ll go.”
“Coffee?”
He pulled his helmet off and put it carefully on the seat, feeling so much of
the stress having dissipated, limbs suddenly relaxed and full of energy.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Calm and focused. Exactly what I need to be.
*
It was getting worse and worse as he got closer, although it was still
perfectly manageable when he was walking. He got to the front door and went in,
calling out to see where Dani was and frowning as there was no response,
feeling that strange feeling of knowing when a house is empty.
But the door was open.
He went and drank a glass of water, yelled the HRC rider’s name again with no
response, then noticed the garage door open and peeked through.
We’re a Honda short.
He frowned and was about to pull out his phone to call him before taking a deep
breath and nodding to himself. And that is fine because he can do what he wants
when he wants. I trust him. He walked back into the living room and sat on the
sofa, needing the stability and feeling the worry start to increase. Would be
nice if he was here, though.
He leaned back and concentrated on taking deep breaths, sitting still and not
panicking, before eventually pulling out his phone in defeat and trying him,
now quite worried about himself. No answer, several times. I just want to talk
to you…
He tried to get up and felt everything sway more, quickly sitting back down and
closing his eyes for a minute before trying again.
No answer.
Ok, well. I want to talk to someone.
He scrolled through the last few calls he’d made and dismissed parents for
being too likely to worry him more, Alex for not needing it at the moment,
Emilio and Santi for possibly trying to take control of the situation and also
worry him more, and then got to the next one and took a deep breath.
Yes.
He pressed call and waited a few seconds before it connected, obviously on
hands free in a car.
“Hello.”
“Hi. It’s me…er, Marc. Can you talk?”
“I can. Ricky’s in the car with me though.”
“That’s ok.”
“Then fire away. You ok?”
“Er…I don’t know. I’m feeling strange. Like dizzy, but there are no stars or
anything and it’s nowhere near as bad as normal. I was running and I got back
fine. But it’s been about 40 minutes since it started to get worse. It usually
lasts about 40 seconds!”
“Right. Ok. Dani’s out?”
“Yeah. He’s not answering.”
“Oh so I’m second best?”
Marc smiled to himself and felt himself slightly relax, the normal conversation
and well hidden worry helping a lot. “Yeah, you are. Pedrosista a la muerte.”
Two laughs echoed down the line and Marc laughed at the Geneva end.
“Right. Ok. So you’re not going to pass out or fall off anything?”
“No. Don’t think so. I’m ok. I’m on the sofa. I just wanted to talk to someone
to stop me panicking.”
“Ok. Want us to distract you?”
“Yes.”
“Ok…well...let’s play Factor X on the phone. Ready? Take it away, Mr Cardús.”
Some sort of howling started from the Barcelona end and Marc grinned and
laughed, instantly feeling so much better. Thank you. “URGH. Stop!! Please!!!”
He could hear Ricky laughing and trying to carry on, and Jorge giggling like he
had in the restaurant. “PLEASE. Or at least no more Celine Dion.”
Ricky finally stopped and Marc could imagine him nodding. “Ok, ok. What would
you like me to sing?”
The Moto2 rider thought about it before remembering the restaurant again. “I
would love to hear the rest of Beautiful Liar.”
“Good choice.”
“Oh God. Right. Ok. Here we go…I'll try...”
The sound started again and Marc felt the sofa shaking as he laughed.
Thank you.
*
Dani got back later than he should have done, he’d realised, because now he was
going to have to explain, at least in part. But I’m calmer and it should be
easier now. Everything should be easier now I know what’s going on.
He walked back in through the door and frowned as he saw no sign of Marc,
wondering if he was still out running and if so whether he would get another
call asking him for rescue.
“Marc?”
There was a slightly muffled ‘hello’ from the direction of the sofa and Dani
peered over to see him lying on it with his hands on his face.
“You ok?”
“No. It’s still getting worse.”
Dani’s heart dropped and he skirted round the sofa to bend down next to him.
“What’s getting worse?”
“Oh. Sorry. It wasn’t you I was talking to before…” He opened his eyes and
blinked a few times before closing them again. “There’s no stars, it’s nothing
like it was. But it’s been about an hour and a half. It started when I was
running but I was ok to carry on, and I got back here fine. But it’s getting
worse and worse and it doesn’t usually last this long. It feels like the Earth
is just moving a bit strangely.”
Fuck. “Ok. Don’t panic.”
“I’m not, I’m ok now.”
“Good. Ok. It sounds like we should probably go to the hospital.”
“Ok.”
The immediate agreement made Dani completely panic and he was glad Marc’s eyes
were closed. Oh fuck. “Ok. So you ok to get to the car?”
“Yeah. I’ll be ok. Like I said, it’s not too bad. I was just trying to relax
and see if it made a difference.”
“Ok.” Dani offered his hand for Marc to use as support and studied him as he
got to his feet. “Ok?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
Dani nodded and led him through towards the garage, daring to leave him getting
into the car alone and running back to lock the front door before stopping and
frowning, suddenly realising what he'd said.
“It wasn’t you I was talking to before…”
What?!
He put it out of his mind and got into the driver's seat, looking back at Marc
and having another thing hit him.
'I still have him'. That's what I was thinking a couple of hours ago.
Down the drive, trying to look calm.
I swear someone up there is watching me and just waiting to send the next
villain. Flying monkeys, injuries, crashes, betrayals...lions, tigers and
bears...
Marc put the radio on and rubbed his knee slightly.
"Stop panicking. Please."
Dani grabbed his hand once they were in 4th gear and pressed it to his lips.
"Sorry."I do still have him. He's there right now.
Marc closed his eyes and leant back in the seat, suddenly starting to laugh as
the song on the radio changed. Dani turned to him and frowned, although the
laugh calmed him down about 6 stages of panic. "What?!"
Marc grinned and shook his head. "Just...Ricky."
Ricky.
Dani watched his knuckles go white as he clenched the wheel and his teeth.
JUST Ricky?
***** Into The Woods *****
Chapter Notes
     Just one thing re: language. Some lil things are in the original
     language 'cause I like them (ie Pedrosista a la muerte ;)) but most
     are imagined translated, except with Nicky etc..
     For example, when Vale and Nicky talk, Vale is typed in worse english
     because that's the real language the convo is happening in, if you
     get me. So Vale and Jorge aren't really texting in english, I guess
     they're texting in italian since JL speaks it and Vale doesn't speak
     Spanish... (I don't think?!)
     Just bothered me having Vale thinking in perfect 'english' and then
     only using the present tense talking to Nicky ;)
     Also ..one thing that made me laugh that I didn't do on purpose is
     how Nicky thinks exactly the same thing as he says. ;) <3
     Thank you for still reading... <3
     AND...if you haven't seen the finished Repsol ad that the behind the
     scenes video came from a few weeks ago...and you're reading
     this...it's called 'Razones' and it should be seen. ;) <3 (it's on
     YT.)
He’d called Casey for a debrief before he tried calling Dani again and frowned
as he didn’t answer, worrying about Marc, worrying about Dani worrying about
Marc, worrying about how guilty he would feel if it turned out that accepting
the ‘No, go ahead. You’ve done enough. Bye’ from Marc had been the last
conversation he’d had before something terrible had happened. Hours ago.
He sighed and typed out and deleted several different messages, eventually
settling on: I talked to Marc while you were out and he wasn’t feeling great.
Let me know how you both are?
His phone beeped straight after and he picked it up to find, to his surprise, a
text from Valentino.
Vale: Suono di tromba! Pizza - oggi! Da Rossi! 8!
He frowned and wondered what the fuck was going on before his phone beeped
again and he rolled his eyes.
Vale: That was a mistake. It’s not for you. PLEASE don’t come.
Jorge flipped his phone between his fingers a few times and nodded.
Jorge: Ok. Ignoring that, have you heard from Dani?
Vale: Nothing to do with you.
Jorge: I don’t care about your game, ok. I want to know they’re ok.
Vale: Why?
Jorge: Because he’s not answering my call.
Vale: Good for him.
Jorge: I’m being serious. Marc was feeling ill when I spoke to him. Now they
aren’t answering. Have YOU heard from them?
There was a much longer pause for the response to appear.
Vale: Honestly? No, I haven’t. Since yesterday.
Well, at least he bothered to tell me what I assume is the truth. The Mallorcan
pushed his phone back into his pocket and wondered if giving Valentino a hint
at the situation had been stupid. I guess we’ll find out.
*
I hate hospitals. Dani sat and stared at the same patch of wall and sighed. I
hate them.
*
Vale put the phone down and frowned, earning a glance from Nicky, who was
driving. “Ok?”
“No. Was Jorge.”
“He texts you?!”
“No. Well…sometimes. To make me mad. But he is asking about Dani.”
“HE knows about this?!”
“Yes. He know a lot. But he ask if I hear from Dani, because he’s not answering
his call.”
“THEY talk to each other now?!”
“Yes. But is complicated. But Jorge talk to Marc before and he say he’s not
feeling very good. Is bad because Marc have a lot of problems after the crash
in…” Vale clenched his teeth and swallowed. “…in Sepang.”
“Oh.” Nicky looked the opposite way out the window as they both reacted to
that, and nodded. “Ok.”
“And nobody answer the phone.”
“Ok…”
“Could be bad. For Marc. And so for Dani also.”
“Don’t get involved again.”
“Fuck. I try…” He frustratedly put the phone back in his pocket and lasted
until the end of the song before he pulled it out again and pressed ‘call’ next
to Dani’s name, listening to it ring and ring before voicemail, trying to
ignore Nicky’s irritated warning look from the other side of the car.
I’m just trying to check…
*
Dani watched the phone vibrate and wondered why he’d had Jorge calling him for
so long, and then suddenly Valentino as well, followed by Jorge again, thinking
about the Italian’s warning and wondering how they were connected. He picked it
up and pressed cancel before it stopped ringing and then read the message from
the Mallorcan.
Ok, so you’re still pretending you really care. Talking to him when I’m out.
And he has no idea what you’ve done.
He clenched his teeth and typed out a response he thought would capture his
feelings.
Dani: I’m not going to answer your calls, so stop trying. Don’t reply. I don’t
want to talk to you again. And don’t call Marc, either. Just fuck off.
*
Jorge stared at the message as his eyes got wider and wider. What the fuck. He
started to type a response before reading it again and deciding that would be
monumentally stupid; he’d learnt the hard way that when someone was angry, it’s
better to follow their advice temporarily. But today? So random, and after Marc
was so happy to talk to me...
He wondered if Valentino could have something to do with it before realising
that the Italian had responded truthfully when he thought Jorge was actually
trying to find out how Marc and Dani were, and so couldn’t have known anything
before, not enough to cause this reaction so quickly.
And he’s organising a pizza night. So he’s probably not involved. A little
voice piped up in the back of his mind screaming ‘he’s always involved!’ before
he got himself under control and stared back at Dani’s message.
What the fuck.
*
I hate hospitals.
They’d got there faster than Dani wanted to admit, fuelled by abject panic and
frustration, and he’d watched Marc in the passenger seat trying to pretend it
was ok, trying to pretend he wasn’t too worried, and tried to do the same
thing.
The only thing that really got through to his mind was the immediate agreement
when he’d suggested hospital. Normally, he wouldn’t even let his parents in
during those moments, and there he was saying ‘yes, please. Hundreds of
strangers and a car journey is fine’. It’s not fine. And he must have called
Jorge…
Now, sat in the waiting room he’d been given, alone, staring at a patch of wall
just over a very cold cup of something brown from a machine, he realised he had
Marc’s phone and pulled it out to check if he had indeed called him. He had.
For half an hour. And he had a voicemail from him.
Is that crossing a line?
He decided it was and decided he was too fucked to care and called the number,
pressing 1 to listen to it, then being treated to a full minute of Jorge and
Ricky singing along to the radio, followed by ‘hope that helps, so you can
listen again until he gets home! You’ll be ok.’.
He sounds so genuine.
Dani took a deep breath and bit his lip, trying to keep himself together.
If I’d heard that and not known what I now know, I would have been completely
bowled over. Bastard.
He put the phone down momentarily before picking it up again and looking at the
messages, knowing it was wrong and knowing he was going to.
Jorge: You feeling better? We got home now.
Jorge: I tried Dani too and you’re not answering. When you get this, let me
know…we’re worried :/
But I do know what I know. And so…
He typed a response into the box and pressed send, wondering if he would
understand who it was from.
Marc: Like I just said, fuck off.
*
So you have his phone.
He frowned at it and wondered why, knowing Dani wasn’t the type to just
commandeer Marc’s stuff or make him say anything, or even influence him. As we
saw with the tweet.
He stared at the words a few seconds longer before he realised. Dani has his
phone because it’s been given to him. Because Marc hasn’t got it. He winced as
he realised why that might be. Because he’s not able to use it, and you’re sat
in a waiting room somewhere.
And you won’t tell me why.
His phone pinged again and he readied himself for more out-of-the-blue abuse
before seeing who it was and frowning.
Cal: Matt was reading some Spanish newspapers online and they say Marc might be
in hospital in Geneva?
Didn’t think about googling. He realised he kept forgetting how ridiculously
famous the two other riders had become after coming out. That will be fun.
Jorge: Fuck. What does it say?
Cal: Just that. Any ideas?
Jorge: No. Thanks.
Cal: No problem. (why do I assume you would know or want to know?)
The Spartan ignored that, hoping the Tech3 rider would understand, and looked
at his watch. Pizza night had started.
Jorge: Have you seen the news?
It took about 20 minutes before a response came back, in which time Jorge had
set and put out 3 small fires before Ricky had appeared and shooed him out the
kitchen. He’d also gone over and over ‘Matt was reading…’
Vale: No?
The Mallorcan wondered if his former teammate would be feeling that same
immediate drumbeat in his chest at receiving a message like that, deciding he
probably would and trying to explain.
Jorge: Dani and Marc are at a hospital in Geneva. They aren’t answering. I
don’t know anything else.
Not quite the full truth. Half of it.
Vale responded a few seconds later and Jorge stared at the words and took a
deep breath, realising for the first time that the Italian may have more motive
than wanting to get in Dani’s pants, or back in them, and shrugging helplessly
to himself.
I can’t deal with you as well. I’ve already thought about selling everyone else
off.
*
Vale stared down at the screen and sighed as more laughter erupted around him.
Go or stay away?
He looked up to see Nicky studying his face and shrugged. “Jorge. Marc is in
hospital.”
The American’s face defrosted and his eyes widened. “Ok…”
“Is it?”
“No.” Nicky held out his hand and nodded. “But give me your phone.”
Vale stared at him and frowned. “What?”
“Until tomorrow, you’re going to enjoy tonight and do nothing. You need to.”
Vale stared at him and mulled it over, going through each scenario before
realising he was right. I do. He nodded and took a deep breath as he passed it
over, before snatching it back and typing one last message.
Vale: I’m turning off my phone because I can’t...If anything is really, really
bad, please call Nicky. Casey has his number.
He dropped the phone into the American’s hand and shrugged. “I try. I say call
you if anything bad…”
He doesn’t have my number. “He do-“
“Casey has it.”
And Jorge has Casey’s number? “And Jorge has C-“
“Oh, yes.” Valentino raised his eyebrows and nodded. “He definitely has his
number.”
*
“He’s now asleep, test results are being processed. You can see him if you
want.”
“I do want.”
“Ok. I’ll take you through. And I need all the records from Catalunya. If you
can just tell me who-“
“Ok.” Dani pulled out his phone and held up the email, with the name and
addresses on it, and waited for the doctor to take note. “That’s enough?”
“That’s fine. He told us enough before he fell asleep and we’ve talked to a…”
He looked down at his notes and found the name. “…Doctor Costa about it as
well. Do you want me to arrange a room for you to stay here?”
“Ok. Good. And thanks but I’ll stay with him.”
“You can’t sleep in-“
“I won’t be sleeping.” Dani pulled himself to his feet and nodded his thanks
again. “I won’t be sleeping.”
The doctor nodded and led him out the room and down a corridor, pausing at a
door and then turning back to the HRC rider.
“There’s one other thing.”
Dani rider waited and then raised his eyebrows and shrugged, irritated at the
delay. “What?”
“There was…quite a lot of alcohol in his system. Does he drink a lot?”
He felt his own vision suddenly start to swim as his heart dropped through the
floor and he just stared back blankly. What?!
“Mr Pedrosa?” A cough. “Hello?”
Dani snapped back to reality and concentrated on keeping himself upright. He
doesn’t drink like that…anymore. He shrugged and tried to hide the truth of it.
Which is apparently a lie. “Sometimes. When he panics.” Like today. When I
wasn’t there.
He walked past the doctor into the room and sat in the chair next to the bed,
grabbing Marc’s hand and pressing his lips to the back of it.
When I wasn’t there.
The door closed him in there alone and he took another deep breath and then
gave up on composure, wondering why he hadn’t noticed, kicking himself, knowing
soon he’d have to call other people and that other people would call him,
wondering how many people would be camped outside waiting to grab their piece
of the news, wishing more than anything that somebody else was there to help,
realising that the 2 people he would have called were the two people that he
now absolutely couldn’t, before finally realising that the biggest problem was
that the problem was Marc, and Marc was usually how he managed to face
problems.
Concentrate on that.
He pulled himself together slightly, realising he didn’t want to wake him up
with his sniffling, and started to put everything into categories according to
importance, then realising something else and looking at his watch.
Alex is coming tomorrow. Which is now today.
He pulled out his phone and tried to call the younger Marquez, getting no
answer, before leaving a voicemail and then a text message.
Please get that.
He then went back to the older Marquez and rested his forehead against the side
of the bed.
This is going to be a long night.
***** Entropy *****
Chapter Notes
     So...I think the previous chapter was the point I was aiming to get
     to in my frantic writing spree, so this is a little more of a
     'connector' again... ;)
     Enhorabuena Marc for winning the breakthrough award! :) (nice suit
     haha)
     Enjoy!
     And new note I should add: there may be new people coming...but there
     will be NO new warnings. If you get me. ;)
It had hit him a few minutes later, what must have happened. Dani knows.
Somehow, Dani found out about the meeting. He took a deep breath and tried to
think through how to deal with that, who to deal with it with, still in
contract mode, secrecy and politics, before realising the other side of it.
Everything’s hit him at once. He tried to call Dani and Marc’s phones one more
time before giving up and staring out the window up at the moon, thinking,
before he picked up his phone again and dialled the Australian.
“Hi. I think Dani might know.”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line. “Oh. Right.
Why? And good morning. You’ve called when I’m genuinely awake.”
“Good evening. Yeah sorry about before. And, I was talking to Marc earlier,
because he wasn’t feeling well and Dani was out and not answering. Then I tried
to call them both a bit later and nothing. Then Dani sent me a text message
telling me to fuck off. From both phones.” I think I’ll leave the Tavullia
conversation out of this.
“How do you know it wasn’t Marc?”
“Because then Cal said Matt had read that Marc was in hospital in Geneva. And
he is.”
“Right. Shit.”
“But that means Dani is on his own with everything.”
“You know that’s the risk of going behind people’s backs, they could find out.
And when did this become your responsibility?!”
“I know. And I don’t know. It’s just…”
“No, I know. Sorry if that sounded harsh.”
“It’s ok. Ok. So I need to talk to Dani, and he still won’t answer.”
“He’s not going to answer the phone, is he? Not after this. And not when Marc’s
in hospital. You’ll have to wait. You got that draft contract?”
“Yeah I have and I guess he won’t.” I’m not good at waiting. “Also, if anything
bad happens to Marc you have to call Nicky Hayden.”
There was a long, amused and confused pause. “What?!”
Jorge bit his lip and took the plunge, realising that he really couldn’t leave
the Tavullia conversation out of it. “Valentino.”
“I’m not helping him.”
“I understand how you feel, but…he really cares. He went to Switzerland. And
now he’s at a pizza night in Tavullia with Nicky, and he’s handed his phone
over to stop himself obsessing. So I said…if anything bad happens, and I really
don’t want to think about what means ‘really bad’, I have to tell you to call
Nicky.”
“No.”
Jorge could feel himself getting slightly irritated and took a deep breath. “I
understand, ok? But this is bigger than track stuff. If Marc died, you wouldn’t
call Nicky? Really?”
A weary sigh echoed down the line. “Jesus. Ok. Are we really talking that bad?!
What’s wrong with him?!”
Finally.“I have no idea. I’m sure not, but…I’m not going to know now, am I? The
bridge is burnt. He’ll be ok, I think, it’s just worrying. And Valentino wants
to know.”
“Ok. Fine. Why were you talking to Valentino?!”
“He accidentally invited me to the pizza night by text, then said ‘mistake,
please don’t come’, and I asked him if he’d heard from Dani. And, back on Dani,
who the fuck told him?!”
“I don’t know but I want to know. Puig, probably. Am I going to ruin Adriana’s
afternoon again by calling all HRC personnel?”
The Mallorcan leant against a kitchen counter unit and sighed, having another
wave of frustrated apathy at being in the middle again. “It’s up to you.”
“Hey, it’s ok. I know it is, but I tell her you asked me to do it.” Casey
laughed and Jorge managed to just about join in. “So calm down. Right, what are
you going to do about Dani then?”
“I don’t know. At least I have the draft with that amount of money on it,
before Dani could say anything. And that new and interesting clause. I guess
it’s good he’s distracted, in a horrible way, because he won’t have time to
shout about it.”
“Yeah, he’s probably not focused on this now anyway, so just leave it until
tomorrow, I’d say. He won’t care about this that much at the moment. When are
you calling HRC back?”
“I was going to do it tomorrow and organise the final meeting. That might have
to change now. And I think you’ve got him wrong. I…” Jorge trailed off and
stared at the ceiling, wondering how a few weeks ago his conversations with
Casey had been about motocross, children and domestic jealousy, and had now
become psychological profiling of his gay teammate. “I think this is a bad
final straw. I can’t imagine what it’s like. No one else is there, and he’s…I
don’t know. That’s who he is now...he’s Marc’s boyfriend and a Repsol Honda
rider. And both of them are crumbling.”
“Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t think it’s that bad?! Maybe you should send
Valentino.”
“That’s not funny.” He smiled and shook his head at the thought, equally amused
by the ‘you should send Valentino’ as though he was his footsoldier. “He’d eat
Dani alive right now and there’s no little pretty Cerverina there to do
anything about it.”
“Cerverina?”
“Someone from Cervera.”
“Ah. Ok. Well, I disagree. Marc will be fine, Dani will be fine, eventually
he’ll answer you and then see what happens.”
“I’ll try and believe that.”
“Please do. Right, I really need to go now. And not for Adri. Mick Doohan. You
can’t argue with that, can you?”
Jorge laughed and shrugged to himself. “I guess not. Have a good day.”
“You too. Bye.”
The Yamaha rider stared at the now dead phone for a few more minutes before
making a decision. That Casey would absolutely not advocate.
Step 1. Sleep.
He went round and turned all the lights off, checked the door was locked, and
then pulled himself up the stairs and crawled into bed, amazed how silent
everything was.
It’s weird not having Ricky here.
He stared at the ceiling for a few more minutes before eventually deciding to
try and force himself to sleep like his dad used to tell him to; eyes closed,
breathing militantly steadied, mind forced blank, before realising the real
reason why the silence was unwelcome.
It’s reminding you of all the things you bought that you don’t really need. And
it’s reminding you of all the things you’re tempted to buy with Honda.
He sighed and turned over a few more times before going back to flat on his
back, almost asleep when something else hit him.
Alex.
*
“No. I mean it. Give back.”
“No! This is the whole point of handing it over! So you can’t look!”
“I want to look.”
“Yes, I KNOW. That’s why I have it and you don’t.”
“I am serious.”
“So am I.”
Vale stared him down and felt his nostrils flare. “I will call Uccio here. You
will not win.”
Nicky stared at him and then started to laugh. “Wow. That is a threat.”
The Italian could feel himself getting petulantly angry and sighed, seeing the
funny side but also wishing Nicky could see the genuine want in his face. “Yes.
Is big threat. Now, I need my phone.”
“No.”
“FUCK. GIVE ME THE PHONE.”
“No!”
“Nicky…” He held out his hand and locked his eyes on the American. “I know is
not good for me. But maybe I am not the most important thing.”
Nicky’s eyes narrowed and his shoulders slumped slightly as he heard the tone.
“You want to help.”
Nod. “I want to help. Or I want to know. To help.”
The American was about to hand the phone over when his suddenly rang, and they
locked eyes with each other with the same expression of abject dread.
Please let it not be Casey.
He pulled it out and took a deep breath before holding it up for Vale to see
the screen.
Casey.
*
Five hours of sleep had been enough. He couldn’t call the younger Marquez
because he didn’t have his number, and from the little Marc had said, he didn’t
want to try the home number and get into another Roser vs Lorenzo, the younger
brother evidently having similar problems to those defeated by his brother.
And he must be on the morning flight. Because Marc said something about Dani
complaining about the time they had to pick him up? Did I make that up?!
The plan when he’d gone to bed had been to deal with Honda first. The plan by
the time he’d got to sleep had changed a lot.
Maybe I don’t really want all this empty space and expensive furniture. But
maybe the freedom to drive to the airport and buy a first class flight a couple
of hours before take-off is worth it.
*
“Don’t panic, I don’t know anything else about Marc. That’s not why I’m
calling.”
They both sighed in relief and Nicky put the phone down on the table between
them, on speakerphone.
“Coglione! So why you calling?”
“I want to talk to you.” Casey typed that word into his laptop in front of him
and rolled his eyes at the translation. Dick.
“Oh and today is good day to talk to me?”
“It’s about Dani, ok. Did you tell him about the Honda meeting?”
Nicky’s eyes widened and he looked at Valentino for an explanation. “What?!”
Vale ‘eeked’ at him and waved his hands. “No, no. Is not about me. Is about
Jorge.”
“Oh.” He nodded and then repeated the same face. “What?!”
“Livio told you.”
“Yes.” Vale shrugged at his teammate and nodded at the phone. “Livio.”
“Yeah, I know. I want to know if you said anything to Dani. Today. Yesterday.
Whenever you went to try and play with him.”
Valentino’s eyes widened at the tone and the words he used, and the fact he
seemed to know that part of the story. “No.” Half the truth. I didn’t tell him.
I made him think.
“Right ok. Thank you. And thanks Nicky, see you soon, mate. Bye.”
The phone went dead as soon as it had come to life and they looked at each
other again, Valentino suddenly realising how much trust he’d already invested
in the American and hoping he’d made a good call.
“Yeah, Honda don’t like Dani and being gay. They try and sign Jorge.”
His teammate stared at him and then sighed. “Fuck.”
“I know. And I want my phone.”
Nicky sighed in defeat and handed it over. “Ok. I give up anyway. You’ve not
had anything to drink and you cancelled the track day tomorrow. I’m not
stupid.”
Valentino shrugged and smiled. “And maybe I am stupid. We will see, no?”
“I guess we will. So you flying or driving?”
“I think I fly. From Marconi.” He noted Nicky’s face and pocketed his phone.
“Is Bologna.”
“Right…”
Valentino shrugged at him as he caught someone else’s eye over his shoulder and
smiled at them whilst he talked. “Jorge was helping. Or pretending. Now maybe I
help.” Or pretend? He got to his feet and handed a beer to his teammate. “Enjoy
Italy.” No. Helping.
Nicky took it and shrugged as he took a big swig and sighed. “I do love it but
there is not one single other person here who understands my accent.”
Valentino frowned down at him and then grinned wickedly as he cupped his ear.
“Sorry, what?!”
*
Maybe there is order in chaos. Jorge grinned as he walked up to the counter,
some glances noticing who he was, others noticing how he was skipping the
queue, and put his passport down next to an unsuspecting Alex.
"Morning."
The younger Marquez turned, glaring because of the queue jumping, before he
noticed who it was and he smiled. "Hi!"
"You're going to Geneva."
"Yeah."
"Me too." Nothing flickered on Alex's face and Jorge nodded to himself as he
realised what had obviously happened. He doesn't know about Marc. Or the Honda
mess. "I need to talk to you in a few minutes. In private. But first, would you
like to be upgraded?"
Alex frowned at the 'needing to talk to' and then smiled and nodded.
"Yeah...?!"
"Ok." Jorge smiled down at the woman behind the counter and nodded towards Alex
as he passed over his card. "Upgrade him, please? And I need a ticket on the
same flight. First class."
She smiled at him and nodded, taking the card and his passport, blushing
slightly as he kept smiling at her, and then nodded back up to Alex. "Just
him?"
Jorge looked back at the younger Marquez as Alex sidestepped slightly and
another set of eyes met his. Oh, shit. Of course. "Both of them. Sat together,
if you can?" He smiled back at the woman and tried to hide his surprise before
looking back at Alex, locking eyes with him for a few seconds and causing a
blush. "'He doesn't compete and he's 17'. You weren't very honest, were you?!"
Alex went red and spluttered. "I...didn't want to make him worry more."
Ah, well. We're all guilty of that. He shrugged at him and smiled slightly
sadly. And it always turns out well, betrayal.
***** All The Way *****
Chapter Notes
     So...I had so many options and it was so hard to choose haha. Know
     who it is? ;) (no, it's not Ricky.)
He’d turned his phone back on because he thought anything would be better than
just sitting and staring at Marc for any more hours, knowing he couldn’t do
anything about it. There were a few calls from Jorge and Valentino, again,
which he ignored, and a few others he didn’t want to know about either, and
nothing from Alex. And there were a couple of texts, telling him he was on the
news.
Great, they are just out there waiting.
As much as he wanted fresh air, he didn’t want to leave Marc, and he didn’t
want to deal with anything like that, so he resigned himself to staying in the
room and staring at the same bit of wall, or Marc, or back at the wall. In a
few hours he’ll wake up, though, and everything will be better. One step at a
time. Which was fine as a mantra, but didn’t change the cycle of nail biting
and quiet crying and cursing the world that had already been going on for 4 or
5 hours.
Eventually, although he knew it was a bad idea, he knew he was going to do it
anyway, and he followed a couple of the links he’d been sent and started
reading. Marc was the reason they were there, they’d got that much right. Then
there were theories and stories about why, none of which were accurate and some
of which were terrifying, and had made him clench his jaw and close his eyes to
try and get them out of his head, and then he ended up on a link to ‘Pedrosa
and Márquez: The Reactions’, which was basically a collection of all the
reactions from the world of sport, and some not sport, up to that point. Dani’s
eyes widened and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he read through
them, emotions changing wildly as he hit each different opinion, mainly just
completely stunned at how many there were, and from where.
There were, obviously, the tweets he’d already seen from people in the paddock,
along with more from people he either didn’t follow or just hadn’t seen. Rafael
Nadal had had an interesting conversation about them on a chat show, getting
more and more visibly angry as the interviewer didn’t quite drop the intimation
that it was ‘unsettling’ in a ‘male’ sport. Rafa didn’t like it, and Roger
Federer had retweeted the resultant twitter clarifications on his pro-Pedrosa-
Marquez stance. Mark Webber had had an almighty twitter fight with a random
fan, again on Dani and Marc’s side, which was retweeted by Red Bull Racing and
lots more associated accounts, and Fernando Alonso had retweeted a few of
Mark’s responses, along with another link to a full message about acceptance
and judgement and how he was proud that people from his country had been so
brave, which made Dani get a little fizz of excitement in his stomach. Gerard
Piqué had tweeted support, in a full 300 word essay in 3 languages, which had
been retweeted by most of FCB, including Dani Alves and subsequently Jorge. And
Shakira. And that meant that Pitbull was then asked about it on a Mexican chat
show, where he hadn’t been complimentary, and that had led to Shakira
expressing her disappointment, which was retweeted by Piqué, which was then
talked about by Ronaldo in an interview at some awards in Madrid. He was also
fine with it, if a bit confused as to why he was being asked. That was then
talked about by some former teammates from Manchester United, not in great
terms, which was then picked up on by Matt Roberts, then of course Cal, then
Casey, then Chad Reed, and eventually Dani was reading an article called ‘An
Open Letter From Ryan Villopoto’, in which the motocross champion basically
said he’d found it strange at first and had been upset by how he had reacted
and he’d learnt an important lesson and wished them all the best, in many more
words, which James Stewart had then made a smartass remark about, followed by
Ben Spies, which Jorge and Yamaha had disavowed, which Valentino had replied
to, in Italian that was less than complimentary. Villopoto had obviously
translated and understood and retweeted that, along with Chad Reed, which had
made Casey tweet more support, but without mentioning Valentino, which had
brought Mick Doohan into it at some point, then back via Mark Webber and David
Coulthard to Fernando Alonso, which seemed to annoy some people the second time
around, and again brought it back to football, Iker Casillas pledging his
support, which then again meant Ronaldo was asked and was again confused, and
eventually it was back to Gerard Piqué and another small essay, which was
followed up a few days later by the announcement that Barça would be officially
launching an anti-homophobia campaign, which made Dani have to suddenly stop
and take a breath and try and deal with his swirling emotions.
Fuck.
He’d never imagined it would go that far. All the way to Camp Nou. He rode a
motorbike for a living, and yes he knew some great and much more famous people
through doing that, but the speed it had travelled at was crazy. A whole
campaign, because people are talking about us. Me. He looked up at Marc and
took a deep breath, wondering if he should tell him any of that when he woke
up, or whether it would freak him out too much. Although I'm usually the one
who gets overwhelmed by this. He's the one that pulls me back.
He sighed again and gently unwound one of his hands from Marc's. See how he
seems when we’re out of here, hopefully healed and sober. He looked at the
clock again and then out the window as he realised it was starting to get light
outside. Assuming those two things will happen in the near future. He got to
his feet and stretched out towards the ceiling, glad he’d distracted himself
and equally mad he’d read everything he had, because now the weight on top of
him seemed even bigger, and he kept having to remind himself to not just poke
Marc to wake him up and make himself feel better, somehow strangely shocked
every time he looked at the Moto2 rider that he wasn’t just awake and stressed
because he was unable to sleep, he was there because Marc was in hospital. And
that made him sit down quickly and go back to clenching his teeth, wishing
someone else was there to talk him through it. Just someone with a cup of
coffee would be nice. Someone who isn’t looking at me with pity and
nervousness. Someone who will roll their sleeves up and help. With the press.
The parents. The team. The everything.
He sighed and looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds.
What Marc would be doing.
*
“Fuck off!” Vale instinctively batted the poking finger away and scowled to
himself, refusing to open his eyes and burying himself further in his black and
yellow hoody. “I’m asleep.”
“You’re not asleep, and we’re here.”
His brain suddenly caught up and his eyes flashed open as he sat up. “Oh!
Sorry.” Here. Marconi. Dani. Geneva. “Ok.” He stretched out in the passenger
seat and took a deep breath as Uccio got out the car and shut him in there
alone for a couple of seconds as he went to the boot to get his bag, the Ducati
rider getting another quick flash of ‘who is ‘Valentino Rossi’?’ as he realised
his friend instinctively did things like that for him. To be fair though, I
have got him out of a lot of shit. He yawned as he opened the door and emerged
into the just-about-light car park, the curve of the terminal building
surrounding them on three sides and making it seem even darker and earlier than
it was.
And I still think this is a good idea? He smiled his thanks as his bag was
pushed into his hand and he was lightly propelled in a straight line towards
departures.
Yeah, it’s still a good idea. I’ve come this far, I’ve got to go all the way.
And I can sleep on the plane. In first class. With free drinks.
He repeated that to himself as calmly as he dared, trying to ignore the thought
of the destination, going through the motions of buying tickets and checking in
and going through security, waving back to Uccio and watching a reluctant
‘ciao’ in return, understanding the frown but disagreeing with it, feeling the
eyes burning into him as they saw his face and wondered and then saw his
clothes and knew, wondering why he’d worn merchandise.
But free drinks.
*
There were already taxiing on the runway by the time either of them had
considered the possibility of Alex not going, Jorge only focused on how quickly
he’d be on a plane if it was his sister, forgetting that no one else in the
family knew about it and that it hadn’t even been planned, and Alex focused on
the reality of not wanting to go home for at least 3 days. Well we're going all
the way now, like it or not. Jorge cringed slightly as he realised that Dani
probably wasn’t in a position to host, before realising that Alex wasn’t alone
anyway and wouldn’t need looking after, plus trying to remember when he’d been
that age and how angry he’d have been at being told he couldn’t look after
himself. They spent the flight in reasonably comfortable silence, the Yamaha
rider trying to judge the body language between the two younger riders as best
he could, trying to figure out the dynamic, and how it fitted together with
what he already knew about the background, blushing at the memory of that
conversation, before eventually they landed and the country outside was the
right one. Of all the riders I would have guessed…
“Ok once we’re inside, you should probably ignore me.”
Alex frowned at him and widened his eyes, Jorge realising why when he paused
his music and looked around to find most of the people around them staring,
evidently having yelled it. He shrugged at them and focused back on the younger
Márquez, repeating himself.
“You should ignore me. Keep your peace for as long as you can. Especially
because you’re here together. And put that jacket back on. Why you people wear
team t shirts in public I don’t know. Anyway, do everything slowly, give me
enough time to get through and hire a car, then I’ll pick you up outside. Ok?”
Then I'll figure out where we go from there.
Alex nodded and swallowed, suddenly realising the situation and taking a deep
breath. “Ok. Sounds good.”
Jorge noted the expression and shared a look with his fellow Culé before
nodding back at Alex.
“You’ll be ok. He’ll look after you and I’ll look after him.”
Hopefully he knows how to do that, without his security blanket here.
***** Build It And They Will Come *****
Chapter Notes
     I've stopped teasing now, however tempting it was to carry on. ;)
     And...Chapter 46! :D
     And the bit at the end reminded me of this epic line from Shantaram
     (great book):
     A dream is the place where a wish and a fear meet. When the wish and
     the fear are exactly the same, we call the dream a nightmare.
He realised as he did the first drive-by of the hospital that he hadn’t really
thought through how he was going to get inside without making a show of it,
cursing the people camped outside and then realising on the way back round that
it didn’t really matter whether they saw him or not, since it would spread
eventually, and Dani couldn’t keep him out, and hopefully wouldn’t want to once
he’d explained. He eventually got back to the car park in front of the main
entrance and parked in full view, locking the car and taking a deep breath as
he walked towards the backs of the press and photographers, a few noticing him,
then noticing who ‘he’ was, then turning to photograph him and giving it away
to everyone. Valentino smiled and nodded at a few as he walked through them and
into the building, the quiet of the entrance suddenly replacing the excited
kerfuffle of the photographers.
“Hello. I am here for Dani.” He went slightly red and smiled at the nurse he
was talking to, sending her much, much redder, and shrugged faintly. “You know
what I mean. Dani Pedrosa. He’s here, with Marc, no?”
He watched her nod and tried to guess whether he’d be told ‘only family’, or
whether his face would be enough.
“I will get someone to take you there. I think Mr Márquez is having some more
tests.”
Obviously my face is enough.
“Thank you.”
And hopefully Dani is alone.
*
Marc didn’t wake up when he usually did, and that obviously made Dani panic
more. By 8 you’re usually fizzing and popping and dancing in the shower. He
sighed and tried to keep himself calm, surprised how difficult it still was
after more than 12 hours of practice, and pulled out his phone to see if there
was any response from Alex. Finally.
Alex: Hi Dani. Sorry my phone was dead, it’s on charge now in the car. We’re
here and on the way. How’s Marc? See you soon.
Dani: Hi, don’t worry. Hope you arrived ok. He’s asleep at the moment so I
don’t know much. See you later. Are you coming here or to the house? There’s a
key hidden outside…
He’d groaned slightly as he’d read it, and felt slightly guilty at the
selfishness of that, before he put his phone back down on the table next to
him. I can’t look after you right now. I hope you understand that when you get
here. His brain played him some shots of Alex driving past the fountain in
Geneva in search of the motorway when he realised that Alex wouldn’t be driving
at all, and ‘we’ must mean the mysterious boyfriend.
Who must be older than 17, if he’s got a hire car.
He wondered about that for a second before another, horrifying thought hit him.
Unless it’s your parents. Please let it not be your parents.
He was about to dare to fetch a drink when Marc suddenly made one of those
waking up noises, half way between a sigh and a moan, and Dani’s brain erased
everything else and he froze and stared at him.
Please let it not be your parents.
“Hey.” He threaded his fingers through Marc’s again and got to his feet,
feeling his hand squeezed in return as the Moto2 rider woke up and processed
everything, focusing his eyes on Dani.
“Hfff.” Cough. “Hey.”
“How are you feeling?”
Marc frowned and stretched out slightly. “Ok…ish. I have a headache.”
Dani nodded and bit his lip as he wondered whether to ask why, before Marc sat
up and pulled him in a bit closer, kissing the back of his hand and smiling
wearily. “You’ve been here all night?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you sleep?”
“No.”
Marc tutted and rolled his eyes affectionately. “Just like old times…” He
grinned up at him before taking a deep breath and the smile changed into a
sadder, more guilty one. “And…I need to confess something…”
Dani held his breath and waited. Please at least just be honest. “Ok.”
Marc looked away and shook his head slightly. “Ok…I drank. I mean, I drank for
bad reasons, again. I spoke to Jorge and Ricky and they made me feel loads
better. So I got up and tried to make a drink and some food, then…went really,
really dizzy. And drank.” He looked back up at Dani and gave him the same
apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”
The HRC rider nodded and squeezed his hand again. “It’s ok. I know you did, the
doctor told me. But it means a lot that you told me.”
Marc went a bit red and nodded. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Is that why you have a headache?”
“I think so. Unless…” He trailed off and Dani nodded his agreement that only
positivity should be entertained.
“Ok. I’m going to go and get a drink…and tell someone you’re awake. You can’t
be an emergency if they told me to tell them when you woke up. They’re not
rushing.”
Marc took a deep breath and nodded his thanks for that. “Ok. Can I have a
drink?” He looked at the older rider with big puppy dog eyes and smiled.
“Please?”
Too much. Dani stared at him and just shook his head in some kind of disbelief,
unable to process the ruffled hair, tired eyes and crumpled clothes, all of it
still enough to send him melting to the floor. He shrugged and smiled at him in
a way that he hoped communicated that feeling. That feeling of adoration
bordering on completely pathetic? “I’ll ask.”
Marc’s eyes narrowed at him slightly as he tried to figure out the pause,
following him as he left the room and then closing again as he folded the bed
up so he could sit. Please ask. He looked around the room and licked his lips
impatiently before suddenly realising it was now ‘tomorrow’.
Fuck. Alex.
He looked around the room for his phone and stuff, wondering if Dani had
remembered his brother in the panic, looking at the clock and realising that it
was a bit late for that anyway now, and then focusing on Dani’s phone on the
bedside table. He won’t mind?
He picked it up and went into messages to send one to Alex, and seeing Dani
already had. He read through them as it pinged in his hand and a new one
appeared from his brother, saying they’d come to the hospital not go to the
house and that they were almost there. Marc smiled and typed out a response.
Dani: Ok, we’ll see you soon then…I hope you’re not driving?! (Can’t wait to
meet him) I’m awake now and I’m not too bad! From me! jaja (Marc)
He went back and went into the call log to double check Dani had called him,
and frowned as he saw the list of missed calls. Jorge Jorge Jorge Valentino
Jorge Valentino Jorge. Ok. Maybe you wouldn’t answer Vale, but why wouldn’t you
answer Jorge?! He went back into messages and clicked on the thread with the
Mallorcan, eyes widening as he saw the conversation.
What the fuck happened while I was asleep?!
He put it down again as Dani came back into the room, gratefully accepting the
orange juice offered to him and nodding back at the phone.
“I texted Alex back. Don’t know where mine is.”
“Ok.” Dani patted his pockets and pulled it out. “Sorry, I forgot.” Did you see
anything else?
Are you going to ask about anything else? “That’s ok. Thanks. So…what did the
doctor say?”
“More tests. In a few minutes. They’ve talked to the doctors in Catalunya as
well, and they’re thinking they’ll probably do the surgery later tonight.”
Fuck. “Right. Ok.” He took another sip and bit his lip. “Today?!”
Dani nodded. “Yeah. Not as an emergency, it’s ok. Just because apparently you
were meant to arrange it…quite a few days ago…?”
Marc looked back at him guiltily and shrugged. “I was getting better…”
“Obviously.” Dani raised an eyebrow and smiled at him. “So…Alex. He’s coming
here or going home?”
“Here. They’re on the way.”
“Right.” Dani tried to not show his disapproval of that plan and nodded. “Ok.
Well...I guess I need to deal with everything, or start dealing with
everything…if I stay through the tests and wait and see what they say about the
surgery, then go home to change clothes and get supplies for you before they do
anything, is that ok?”
Marc nodded and smiled. “Yeah. And please, please…at some point get some
sleep.”
Dani shrugged and nodded as he took a sip of his coffee. “We’ll see.”
Marc started to protest before the door opened and they both turned and smiled
at the doctor, who smiled back and walked into the room.
“Morning. Feeling a bit better?”
Marc nodded at him and raised his glass of orange juice. “Yeah.”
“Good. Right…so Dani told you the plan?”
Marc nodded again and smiled. “Yeah. Now?”
“If you’re ready.”
“Yeah, I’m ready.” The younger rider put his drink down and got out the bed,
stretching again and looking down at the clothes he was now wearing before
looking back up at the doctor with an expression that could only be described
as teasing disapproval. “Please tell me Dani changed my clothes.”
The older rider smiled to himself and took another sip of his coffee as the
doctor blushed and nodded. So you have noticed he’s slightly in love with you
then.
“Er…w-we haven’t changed your clothes.” Cough. “I don’t think…”
Dani held up his hand and smiled as neutrally as he could. “That was me. It’s
gym stuff. Clean gym stuff, from the car.” He looked back at Marc, the picture
of innocence, and raised his eyebrows. “You don’t remember that?”
Marc bit his lip to stifle a laugh and nodded with a cheeky grin behind the
doctor’s back as the older man looked back at Dani, even blowing a secret kiss
before nodding seriously once under scrutiny again. “Oh, yeah. I do. Don’t
worry.”
Dani frowned in amused disapproval and accepted a peck on the cheek as the
younger rider followed the doctor past him out the room, leaning down to
whisper.
“I think he likes me.”
Dani grabbed his hand before he was out of range and twirled him back round.
“Fine. But I love you, and don’t forget it.”
The HRC rider sat himself back in the same chair after he’d gone and stared at
the same bit of wall, realising how empty the room felt only 3 seconds after
he’d left and sighing.
More waiting.
His phone started to ring again and he glared at the ‘Jorge’ flashing up on the
screen. Please just leave me alone. He cancelled the first one, then the
second, then just let the third one ring out. Fine. I’ll do it for you. He
stared for a while longer and was about to attempt to throw his coffee cup into
the bin at long range when he froze and listened.
“Ok, this is the room. If you or Mr Pedrosa need anything, please just let us
know.”
“Thank you.”
I know that voice. Dani was already half way to the door when it opened.
“Hi…!”
Alex walked in grinning and enveloped him in a hug, Dani realising for the
first time how tall Marc’s brother was as he couldn’t see over his shoulder to
check who else it was. That voice. He squeezed him back and nodded in response
to his ‘are you ok?’, exchanging the normal pleasantries before the natural
pause in conversation, Alex then suddenly looking nervous and pausing,
fidgeting as he stared back at him.
“Ok…now, I don’t know how much you know…about the history…”
The Honda rider closed his eyes and sighed as he suddenly realised who it was.
“Enough, I think. He’s outside?” Alex nodded and Dani took a deep breath to
prepare himself. “Ok. Come in!” There’s no way he’s told Marc. He sighed and
smiled slightly awkwardly as Pol walked in, equally smiling awkwardly. “Hi…”
“Hi…”
Alex looked between them and smiled even more awkwardly. “You know each other
already?" Nodding. Silence. Too much of it. "Great, right. Ok. So.." Deep
breath, a bit more silence. "Marc’s having more tests?”
Dani looked back at him in relief and felt much better only paying attention to
Alex. “Yeah. Should be a while longer, then they want to…do the surgery, later
tonight. You know about that, right?”
The younger Márquez nodded and took a deep breath. “Ok. But he’s walking around
and everything, awake?”
“Yeah, he’s a lot better this morning.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
There was another small awkward silence before Pol suddenly cleared his throat
slightly and Alex looked at him nervously as though reminded of something,
turning back to Dani and giving him the same nervous face as before he'd
introduced Pol. “Right. Yeah…ok. So…it’s not just Pol who’s here. With me.
Well, not with us. But we met in the airport…”
Coming or going? The older rider felt his blood pressure plummet as he thought
his worst fear may be about to be confirmed. “Right…” Please not parents.
Alex opened his mouth, about to explain, before the door was suddenly opened
and they all turned to stare, Dani’s blood pressure suddenly back up and
verging on dangerous as his eyes met the ones staring back at him.
“Oh. Ciao…”
Dani stared, trying to find some sort of response, about to run over and either
hit him or hug him, lost in the swirling emotions of having a dream and a
nightmare come true at once, before more footsteps echoed through the open door
and he watched as the Italian looked back out and down the corridor, face
changing from tired sunshine to something more like thunder.
Right. So it’s not him you brought. It’s someone he doesn’t like.
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
Dani hung his head as he heard the words echo down towards Valentino and
realised who it was, frustration bubbling up. Fuck.
"Couldn't resist the opportunity, I bet."
No, just nightmare. Definitely nightmare.
***** Faith, Hope and Tricks *****
Chapter Notes
     Hope the language switching isn't too confusing? I got
     'experimental'...
     Sorry it took ages...the italics and formatting have been messing me
     about for hours!!
     The options I had in mind, now it's not a spoiler: briefly considered
     swapping to Ricky after that thought Jorge had in bed about how he
     wasn't at the house...and seriously, seriously considered Tito Rabat
     (which is the reason why I wrote cule and didn't actually let you
     know in Ch45) but then went back to the original possibility/idea.
     (The 'security blanket' was Aleix haha)
     Anyway here we go...maybe prepare yourselves.
Dani listened to the squabbling back and forth for a few phrases before meeting
Pol’s gaze and shrugging at his confused expression.
“They don’t get on anyway.”
More squabbling, now with added expletives from each native language.
“But one of them is my ex-boyfriend and the other is trying to take my ride.”
Pol’s eyes widened and he leaned forward slightly as though he was too far away
to understand. “What?! Then why are they here?”
“Because….” Dani sighed and cringed at Jorge’s rising anger as he realised the
Spaniard could understand the Italian muttering, but that that wasn’t true the
other way around. “Because Valentino either wants to take advantage of Marc
being ill, which is what Jorge was saying to him, or he wants to help because
he still cares. And Jorge…” He trailed off and wondered what to say. “Jorge has
been the biggest help through everything until I found out yesterday that he’s
in talks with HRC to get my seat.”
Pol’s face went a strange colour and his mouth dropped open. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” Dani shrugged again, not even visibly angry anymore, just weary and
feeling the effects of no sleep, and looked at Alex. “You knew this? About
Jorge?”
The younger Márquez squirmed under his gaze and made a sort of comme si comme
ça motion with his hand. “Not before this morning. He wants to talk to you,
anyway.”
“I bet he does.” The squabble in the corridor got louder again and Dani rolled
his eyes. “HEY! GUYS!”
It stopped abruptly and the ex-teammates both looked round the door into the
room.
“Shut up. Please. Or at least, come in here and shut the door. So I can leave
you to it.”
They looked at each other and both sighed slightly, like divorced parents
realising their argument wasn’t making the child happy, and stepped into the
room.
“Lo siento.”
“Mi dispiace.”
Dani looked between them and took a deep breath, deciding it was best to leave
Alex and Pol out, rather than Valentino, and carrying on in Italian. “Why are
you here?”
“To help.”
They said it at the same time and then looked at each other in petulant
incredulity, leaving Dani again sighing. “Ok. One at a time. Vale?”
Jorge glowered at not having been asked first, and folded his arms expectantly
as the Italian replied.
“Because I knew you were alone, or I thought you’d be alone. And I want to
help. I want to prove what I said in the kitchen. In Genev- ... here.”
There was a ‘pffff’ of disbelief from the Mallorcan, which Vale glared at but
didn’t respond to, and so Dani shifted his gaze and looked at Lorenzo.
“Ok. Why are you here? I made it pretty clear you should leave me alone.”
Jorge nodded at him and took a deep breath, reigning in the irritation before
saying anything else, and switching back into Spanish, which made Dani smile to
himself slightly as he noticed the expression on Valentino’s face at not being
able to understand.
“I really need to talk to you, ok? I want to help, but I can’t do anything if
you don’t let me back in, and I know you won’t let back me in until I can talk
to you. Alone. For a few minutes. Please?”
The HRC rider studied his face and shrugged, switching back to Italian and
again noting the Ducati rider’s reaction, this time smug. “There’s not really
much you can say.”
Spanish. “There is.”
Italian. Native. “Exactly. I spoke to Livio. And Casey. There’s nothing you can
say, so why don’t you leave the helping to people who really care?”
Italian with a Mallorcan accent. “I spoke to Casey, trust me. And you really
care? Hmm? Where were you? Nowhere. You were nowhere until you saw an
opportunity to get what you want.”
Catalan. Native. “To be fair he did leave me a voicemail with an apology.
Before what happened in Milan.”
Catalan, Mallorcan accent but understandable. “Still. I don’t believe him.”
Catalan, native. “Ok, but are you someone that I should believe? Really?” The
two Spaniards stared at each other and Dani felt the guilt in the Yamaha
rider’s eyes enough to finally nod at him, and switch back into Italian, still
speaking to him, but wanting Valentino to understand. “Ok, you want to talk, I
will talk to you.” He looked at the other three and considered asking them to
leave before realising they’d probably just listen at the door. “Ok, you guys
stay here. Please? And we’re going to go and talk.” He pointed at Jorge and
walked past everyone to the door, wrenching it open slightly more harshly than
he’d intended, flash of anger momentarily uncontrolled, and giving a half look
back over his shoulder to check the Mallorcan was following him, which he was,
realising he’d said that in Italian as he heard Valentino translate it into
English for the other two, hearing Pol respond ‘yeah I know’. The HRC rider
tried to tune it out and led Jorge down the corridor, going to talk to a nurse
to find out if there was a room they could use to talk.
This had better be good. Fucking good.
He nodded his thanks as he was pointed to an empty room a few doors away, and
finally they were stood inside staring at each other in silence, both realising
in horror that it was some sort of room for relatives who had just been
bereaved. They stood each side of the central table and stared; one guilty and
nervous, the other angry and impatient.
“Ok…first, is Marc ok?”
Dani shook his head and almost laughed. “No, not first. There’s no first. Just
fucking say whatever excuses you think you have, and then I can go and deal
with everyone else.”
The Mallorcan stared at him, hurt but not too surprised, and nodded. “Ok.”
*
“So…you are…together?”
Alex and Pol looked at each other before looking back at Valentino. “Yeah.”
“And Marc know?”
Do you know why he should?! “No. He knows I have…er…a boyfriend. He doesn’t
know it’s Pol.”
“Ok. And is not complicated? With the history?”
The two younger riders went purple and stuttered, Pol eventually winning and
managing words. “What do you mean?!”
“I mean, is history. With you and Marc. Some crash, lot of fighting…”
Oh. “Yes, maybe it is a bit complicated. But hopefully will be ok.”
Valentino nodded knowingly and grinned. “This is what I always say, no?”
*
“Come on then.”
“Just wait.” Jorge continued staring at his phone and eventually seemed to find
what he was looking for, Dani by this point absolutely incandescent with
impatience and incredulity at the sheer cheek. “Ok, you ready?”
Just fucking talk. “Ready for what?”
“It’s quite long...” The Mallorcan pulled a piece of paper out of his jacket
and put it on the table next to his phone, fingering hovering above ‘play’.
“But listen, and then I’ll fast forward a bit. Ok?”
Dani stared at him and felt the first few screaming responses fade from his
brain, nodding mutely as he gave up on everything slightly. Obviously we're in
for another trick. “Yes, fine. I’m waiting.”
*
“It’s me. Casey.” The Australian waited for Puig to respond, negatively,
sighing slightly despite being used to it. “Nice to speak to you too. You know
why I’m calling you again?”
“Because you’ve not done enough damage? For the record, I think you’ll be good
teammates. Just the same as each other, underneath.”
Nice. He caught Adriana’s eye over the other side of the room, taking a second
to try and deflect the offense, and felt everything fade away again as she
smiled and nodded at him. Yeah maybe we are. But he doesn’t have a her. “Thank
you. No, that’s not why I’m calling. I’m calling to get mad at you.”
A string of expletives exploded down the line and he moved the phone away from
his ear, managing a smile again as Adri guessed what had happened and got into
bed, rubbing the sheets next to her and smiling. He nodded and got up, getting
in and wrapping an arm around her before finally being given chance to respond.
“Maybe you should tell me why I’m a bad person for warning you what was
happening, if I’m such a good friend of Lorenzo.”
“Warning me? You told me not to tell Dani. What can I do about it?!”
“I was telling you because I thought you’d ruffle a few feathers. Find a few
allies.” He pressed his lips to his wife’s head as she put her head on his
chest. "So that you knew. Not so Dani knew.”
“You must have known I’d tell him.”
“I hoped I was wrong, though, which you didn’t. Hope. Instead, you did the one
thing I told you not to do. And you never asked me why I’d warn you and not
want him to know.”
“You said you didn’t want him to be any more stressed.”
“Yes. Exactly.”
*
The impatience and weariness had flared back into anger when he heard what he
was being played, and he glared at the eyes that were trained on him, waiting.
“Is this a joke? You’ve done enough.”
Jorge shh’d him and pointed down. “No. Listen.”
Dani clenched his fists and nodded. Fine. I’ll listen. I'll listen for the
moral highground. He waited through a few more minutes of torture before
looking back at the Yamaha rider and throwing his hands up again. “You said
you’d fast forward. And God I hope, for your health’s sake, there’s something
else on here. Like them telling you to fuck off. Or saying they'll run 3
bikes.”
Jorge looked at him in slight exasperation and growled at his impatience, fast
forwarding on until he heard what he obviously thought was important. He
pressed play again and followed the words intently before holding up what Dani
had realised was the draft contract, and pointing at the amount written on it.
Wow.
The older rider gulped and felt any hope at maybe not being back on the market
start to evaporate. Nobody could refuse that. He felt the anger start to
dissipate again as he listened on, melting into something the wrong side of
desolation and just waiting for it to be over, just wanting to hear pen put to
paper and it all just be done.
“I just have one more question. Why now?"
“We saw an opportunity.”
“Ok. But these things are usually sorted much, much earlier. What changed?”
“Like I said, we saw an opportunity.”
“Nothing has changed for me. My reaction would have been the same if you’d come
to me in August. And I see Dani came out as gay, and then a few days later I
get this call. Like Cal did."
Dani felt himself start to panic even more. People know? Cal knew? They called
other people?! He suddenly realised that it wasn't about Lorenzo: HRC rider, it
was about Pedrosa: ex-HRC rider, and felt his eyes start to well up. I'm done.
"I just want all the cards on the table.”
“I’m afraid that’s not a situation we wish to discuss.”
“Ok. I just need to know where I stand, how bad this will be when Dani finds
out!”
Jorge looked up at him again at that and smiled, slightly, ruefully, noting
Dani's upset face followed by his frown.
“I mean, if I told you that I had a boyfriend, would that be a problem?”
There was an audible gasp on the 'tape' and Dani stared at the younger rider,
who had looked away again and was now staring at the phone with his teeth
clenched.
“If you turn back to page 3 of our outline and read Article 4, that should
answer your question.”
He pointed out the paragraph the recording was talking about.
“Any action that would be deemed to negatively affect the image of Honda Racing
Corporation, the Repsol Honda team…So…basically, I can do what I want behind
closed doors.”
“Exactly. We just want our image as the world’s best racing team to remain.”
“Ok. And don’t worry, I’m straight. Thank you for the opportunity. I’ll think
about it for a while and contact you again soon.”
“Thank you. And, off the record…you had us worried there! We thought you were
about to say you were gay!”
“Of course not! I’ll sit down with my manager and go through this properly
before we meet again.”
The Jorge in the room picked the contract up again and tore it in half.
“Fantastic. We hope to see you again soon.”
“I’m sure you will. Like I said, thank you for the opportunity.”
There was a pause and muffled footsteps before someone spoke again, closer and
clearly 'off the record'.
“Great meeting you."
"You too."
"I hope you like the terms. And...don’t tell anybody, ok?"
"Tell anyone what exactly?"
"You know, that we want to replace Dani because he’s gay.”
Silence descended on the room again as the voices ended, everything frozen for
a few seconds before Jorge leant forward slowly and gently pressed stop,
keeping his eyes looking down at the table for a bit longer as he heard Dani's
breath catch, scared to look up.
"You know why I rec-"
"Yes." Short. Clipped. So that no other noise came out at the same time. "Yes."
"Ok. Good. I just didn't want you to know. You didn't need to." The Mallorcan
finally looked up again and took a visible breath as he saw the state of him.
"Hey, it's ok." He stared and waited. Isn't it..? "It's done. We've got them."
Dani nodded and zoned out as he suddenly felt everything just go, biting his
lip and shaking his head at him as he felt his eyes overflow, completely
overwhelmed, trying and failing to keep his voice steady and light, the words
instead coming out in short, desperate bursts. We?! "Yep. We got them. We got
them. We did..."
The unsure, well-hidden, closed Lorenzo was then suddenly the one frowning at
him; the one who used to grin and shoot his mouth off before locking himself in
his motorhome for hours on his own, scared of everyone around him; wondering
why Dani was still upset, and what to do about it, voice soft and unsure,
casting around for a shield. "Ok." He locked eyes with the smaller rider and
raised his hands, as if asking him what to do. "Right? It's ok?"
Dani stared at him and took a few long, ragged breaths, desperate to stop
himself crying and wondering how to explain, eventually managing to nod. "Don't
look at me like that."
"What?"
"Don't..." He tried again and took a deep breath. "...remind me how quickly
I..." He trailed off and smashed his fist into the top of the table. "Just..."
What do you say? Now? In this situation? How on Earth do you explain? "Just
thank you." He lost some control again and tried to hold it back, looking up at
the Yamaha rider and shrugging helplessly, trying to explain himself and why he
was such a mess. "It's just that...somebody's...here.." He took a deep breath
and nodded at him. "Do you understand? Somebody's here."
Jorge swallowed and stood up straighter again, back to the right version of
himself, suddenly understanding and nodding, starting to mirror some of the
emotion on his compatriot's face. Oh. "Oh. Yeah. I'm here."
They stared at each other for a few more long seconds before the Mallorcan
smiled at him and Dani found himself start to laugh, everything too much to
come out as anything other than that or sobbing, which is what it quickly
turned back into as he stood still watching the taller rider taking the few
first nervous steps towards him, unable to do anything to stop himself anymore.
Faith.
Jorge paused as he got there, avoiding eye contact and putting his arms around
him nervously; waiting a few seconds to see what would happen, feeling the
stress dissipate as Dani's arms grabbed him in return and the quick movements
of the Honda rider's shaking shoulders started to slowly die down. He squeezed
him slightly and felt another little wobble, wondering what would have happened
if he hadn't got on the plane. Somebody else would have been here. That
somebody.
"Hey. It's ok. I'm here. Still."
Dani took a deep breath, biting his lip to finally, really be able to get
himself under control, and nodded into his chest as the relief started to
really sink in.
"I know." Of all people. "I know."
They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before Dani nodded again and
pulled away, wiping his eyes and nodding, both of them suddenly snapped back to
the moment and avoiding eye contact.
"Right. We'd better get back."
Jorge nodded and turned to pick up his phone and the contract, in two halves.
"We had."
The Yamaha rider skirted round the table and winked at the nurse on his way
past, Dani following him out and back down the hall, watching as the slight
swagger returned, the scarf was rearranged, and the contract was safely tucked
away.
Faith.
***** Innocence *****
@AleixEspargaro: @PolEspargaro ¿¿dónde estás??
@CalCrutchlow: @AleixEspargaro did he get out the cage again?
*
Dani went in first, catching the Mallorcan by the time they got to the door and
pushing past him slightly to make sure he got there first, unsure as to why
that was important and then realising it was probably because Marc might be
back any time soon, and him walking back in to the room and finding it only to
contain Vale, Pol and Alex would be strange, and probably unpleasant.
He sighed with relief as he saw that it was only those 3 left, frowning
slightly at the red faces of the younger riders and the abrupt way Vale shut up
as he appeared in the room.
Oh God. What were you saying…?
“Ok. It’s all ok.”
Valentino raised an eyebrow and peered at him. “He lied well, then?”
“He didn’t lie.”
“Pfff. He's not innocent.”
“No, maybe not of everything. But now, he didn’t lie and he has proof of that,
so can we please just drop this whole argument.”
The Italian studied him and nodded slightly, accepting the defeat but Dani
aware from the look in his eyes that he saw it as a victory. You’re actually
proving him wrong already, anyway. “Good. Thank you.” He was about to carry on
when the Mallorcan finally joined them in the room, staring at his phone.
“Pol, did you tell Aleix where you were going?”
The Granollers native went a bit pink and shook his head. “He…er…he doesn’t
like it.”
“Which bit?”
“The fact that it’s Alex. And that he’s younger. And he’s seen how crazy it got
with these guys…”
Jorge nodded and shrugged as he held the phone up. “Well I assume he called
you, but he tweeted you as well. And I think photos of us are now…around.
Showing we’re here…”
“Fuck.” Pol pulled out his phone as Alex seemed to wonder why that was a
problem; Vale sharing a quick look with Dani, both of them seeing an echo of
themselves in the situation and both agreeing that those mistakes shouldn’t be
repeated. Even I think that. And I’m the one it led to here.
“Is ok…” The eye contact remained as the Italian spoke and Dani felt his
stomach flip, no one else in the room really aware of the subtext. “If is what
you want, be brave. You are not guilty of anything.”
Be brave. Dani snapped himself out of it and looked at the Pons rider. “Ok. You
need to leave.” Pol looked at him in disbelieving heartbreak and Dani felt
guilt rip through him. “Sorry.” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath.
“Just…now. It’s fine. You or you and Alex need to go back to my house. It’s not
fair on Marc, and he’s the most important thing, ok? I don’t think it’s right
to have him come back and find Pol here.” He directed that last bit at Alex as
gently as he could, seeing hurt but acceptance in return. “Ok? You understand?”
The younger Márquez nodded and looked at the Pons rider sadly. “I think that’s
fair.”
Pol bubbled back at him with puppy dog eyes and frustration, eventually nodding
dejectedly as he got nowhere and walking out the room to wait and see what
happened. Alex looked back at Dani and shrugged slightly. “You think it’ll be a
problem?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t want to test it right now. Are you staying or
going?”
“Ok. And I…I think I’ll just wait and say hello, then go? Is that ok?”
Dani nodded and turned to Valentino. “Could you take Pol home? With you? I
mean, to my house?” Please don’t take Pol to Italy.
“You want me to leave?”
Dani locked his eyes with the Italian’s and gave him a small smile. “No.” No.
“I need to go home too, but I don’t want to share a car with you.” He tried out
the old telepathy and raised his eyebrows ever-so-slightly, feeling a guilty
but satisfying jolt as Vale nodded and smiled.
“I understand.”
“Ok. Good. So…if you…could go and …yeah. Go. Soon. Now, that would be good.
You…know where the key is. And the gate code.” He winced and was expecting some
sort of complaint and got none in return, shocked. Wow. “Thank you.” He watched
the Italian out and was left with Jorge and Alex, turning to the Mallorcan and
feeling how intensely awkward that was after the emotion of a few minutes ago.
“So…Honda.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re going to talk to them later?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok.” Dani waited slightly awkwardly and then nodded over at Alex. “And…can we
be the ones waiting for Marc?”
“You want me to leave.”
“Yeah. But I want you to take us back to my house after.”
“Right.”
Dani frowned at the tone and shrugged at him. “Ok?”
“Yeah.” Jorge nodded more positively and took a deep breath. “It’s just
that…he’ll be there.”
Dani smiled at him and nodded, slightly irritated. “I know. Maybe if you spend
a bit more time together you’ll actually get along?”
Jorge looked at him like he was about to be sick and violently shook his head.
“No.”
“Right, right. Fine. But…”
“Yeah. Sorry. I’m going.” He nodded at each of them in turn and started to walk
back out the room, calling over his shoulder. “I’ll wait in the car. Red
Giulietta straight in front of the exit.”
“Wait.”
He stopped and turned round again, waiting.
“Could you…could you talk to the press?”
Jorge nodded and smiled, practical help evidently the name of the game, wall
back up slightly after the outpouring, both of them suddenly remembering they
were ‘Jorge Lorenzo’ and ‘Dani Pedrosa’ and finding their way with the new
dynamic. “Yeah. What do you want me to say?”
“I want to stop all the horror stories. Just say…the truth. Marc has needed to
have surgery for a while and so that’s why we’re here. That it’s not an
emergency. Then they might leave us alone more.”
“They won’t leave you alone, but ok.”
They might. And I’ll take the 0.00026% chance. “They might.”
“Ok.” They won’t. “And why is everyone else here?”
“Maybe ignore that bit.”
The Mallorcan smiled at him and shrugged. “I’ll try...”
*
Marc walked back in about 20 minutes after everyone had left, smiling wider
than ever as he saw his brother and wrapped him in a hug, relieving Dani of the
pressure of the long conversation he and Alex had been having, which had ended
up like some sort of strange lesson about life lessons, and had made Dani
really feel the effects of no sleep.
“You’re here! Where is he?!” Marc pulled away and stared at him. “The
boyfriend?!”
“Er…at Dani’s house. You can meet him when…when you get back? How are you?!”
Marc frowned at him slightly before grinning again. “Ok. Sounds good. I’m ok.
Feeling pretty good. And he wants to meet me?”
“Yeah! Of course”
Dani cringed at Alex’s tone and bit his lip, waiting for the strange moment to
pass, knowing Marc would hear it and question it in his head, but not out loud
until he had a real reason to.
“Great. Ok. Well…” The Moto2 rider looked back at Dani and smiled. “Everything
is ok, as in…surgery tonight.”
That’s either the best or worst thing I’ve heard in a while. “Right. Good. So
you’re about to tell me to go and sleep, right?”
“Yeah.” Marc walked over and put a hand on each of the HRC rider’s hips.
“Please. Try…”
“Ok.” Dani accepted a reasonably chaste kiss, wary of Alex being there and not
really sure why, before Marc pulled away again and half sat on the bed, looking
back at his brother. “You should go back to our house too.”
Our. Dani smiled to himself and watched the younger Márquez nod. “Yeah, you
should. Spend some time together, that’s why you came, right?”
Alex looked at him slightly strangely and nodded. “Yeah…”
Dani looked back at Marc and took a deep, deep breath. I’m leaving again.
You’re going to be alone… “So it’s ok, if I go home until later?”
Marc smiled and read the expression perfectly, nodding his affirmation. “It’s
more than ok. I worry about you, too.”
Alex seemed to read the mood and suddenly bounced over to the door. “Ok,
well…I’ll wait out here then. For a minute.” He blushed and slammed outside
into the corridor, Dani and Marc sharing a knowing look and grinning, waiting
for the door to close again.
“That was awkward.”
“That was awkward. Come here.” Marc beckoned him over and gratefully leaned his
head against Dani’s chest, the way he was leaning allowing the HRC rider to
appear taller. “Tomorrow, when all this is over, I’m going to start trying to
figure out what I can ever, ever do to make all this up to you.”
Dani ran his fingers through his hair and smiled, feeling a strange mixture of
ragged stress and complete contentment. “You know what I’m going to say…”
“I do.” Marc tilted his head up and gazed up at him. “And I’m going to ignore
it.”
Dani laughed slightly to himself and nodded. “Could I possibly take payment in
sexual favours?”
Marc’s eyes sparked up at him and he nodded, suddenly remembering all the good
stuff they had away from sombre hospital rooms and Italian jealousy. “Yeah.
Definitely.”
“Good.”
They shared a long, slow kiss before Dani pulled away and nodded. “Ok. I’m
going.”
“Don’t look at me like that. They don’t even serve vodka here.” He smiled
sideways at him and shrugged cheekily. “If you can’t laugh about it…”
“You’re not dealing with it.”
“Exactly. And before you go, I want my phone, please.”
Shit. “Ah. Yeah…”
“Yeah?” Marc raised an eyebrow at the tone and stared expectantly.
“Well…I may have sent a very rude text to Jorge. From your phone…”
Marc’s eyes widened as he took the phone and looked at it in puzzlement.
“Right. When you say ‘rude’…?”
Dani laughed and shook his head. “No. I mean…I told him to fuck off.”
“What?!” From me too?
“Er…yeah. Long story. That I will tell you tomorrow. But anyway, it’s all ok
now. He’s here, actually. You just missed him…” I just got rid of him so he
wouldn’t mention that other person.
“Right…”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“I won’t.”
Fair enough. “Good. Ok…I’m going now.”
“You just can’t seem to leave…”
“I don’t want to.”
Marc smiled and nodded. “I know. But I’ll be fine, and you’ll be fine. You’re
not dealing with this alone anyway, Alex and his boyfriend can help. You will
have to ask, as in…he doesn’t think things through like that, but if you ask
he’ll help. Pretty well. And Jorge, if he’s here…sorted.”
Dani nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before walking over and
pausing at the door.
Yeah I’m not dealing with it alone. And I’m not going to add that other name to
your list right now.
He made his way back down the corridor and collected Alex from where he was
awkwardly leaning before leading him back through the maze to the entrance and
pointing out Jorge’s car. “You go, actually. I have something I have to do
first. And I have my car.”
Alex frowned at him and then nodded quickly as people started trying to
approach them, getting into the car and explaining the situation before Dani
was left waving them off, walking towards his car and feeling the calm as he
shut himself in and felt silence, of the good, privately needed kind, surround
him.
And guilt. A bit of guilt.
He put the radio on, silence enough to calm him but not loud enough to drown
some things out, enjoying the gesture that Marc wasn't there to perform, and
started the engine and pulled out of the parking space, indicating right
automatically, intending to go home, before suddenly changing his mind and
turning left as the gap in the traffic proved to be in both lanes.
Guilt. Why?
He drove a few miles before nodding to himself and trying to make it sound
convincing.
Because you need some space. From all of them. And you’re entitled to it.
He sighed and shook his head.
Now say that again and mean it.
He wondered how monumentally awkward it would be back at his house, how long it
would take before one of them told Valentino about Marc and Pol’s history, and
what to make of the conversation they'd walked in on, of the pang he'd felt
when Vale had told them to be brave, of the little sliver of electricity that
he'd seen pass between Marc and the Italian over his dinner table what seemed
like weeks ago, of the sliver of jealousy that had hit him when he'd seen it,
wondering which one it was really about, and took a deep breath.
It’s not my problem. Jorge will deal with anything terrible, they will bitch at
each other for hours, and Marc is in the safest place he can be.
And still, guilt.
But Valentino will wait.
***** Suzuka *****
Chapter Notes
     Another one? :O
     ;) <3 as always.
     And sorry if you don't know the references, it just kind of
     happened... ;) #clashofthetitans ?? :)
"They've got to be here somewhere. They must use protection."
"Yeah, so check the bedside table."
"Which?"
"The one on the right. Marc sleeps on the left."
"So they'd be on the left."
"No...?!"
"Yes! Believe me, I know."
Alex frowned at him and sighed. "You don't have to keep reminding me he fucked
you."
"Sorry." Pol pecked him on the cheek and shrugged. "I just thought-"
"Yeah. I know. But Dani's the top."
"Always? And how do you know?!"
"Usually I think. And because I've talked to Marc about it."
"You've talked to Marc about me?"
"Obviously. Although he doesn't know it was you."
"Is he going to be mad?"
"Did he care about you?"
Million dollar question. "N-no...?"
"So I guess he won't be mad. Unless you break my heart. Which you're not going
to do." Alex pulled opened the drawer and pulled out the box, triumphant.
"Right?"
Right. "I hope not."
*
He'd done a Marc when he'd kept driving, just as Marc had kept running. And now
he was in France, and panicking about the time, and about the fact he hadn't
really done all the things he should have been doing. His phone rang again and
he looked down to see who it was, again seeing 'Vale' flash up and again really
wanting to answer but refusing to do so.
This has to stop now. I am going to turn around and drive back and change my
clothes. Have a shower. Eat some food. And not sleep again, sat in that room.
*
“Where is he?”
They’d been speaking in 3 or 4 word sentences since they’d got back, kind of
dealing with everything in tandem but not admitting that in any way, before
Vale had actually gone outside and sat down next to his old teammate with the
intention of having a conversation, staring out over the water.
“Who? Dani?”
Vale nodded and frowned. “Yeah. Having something to do, fine. But it’s been
hours.”
“Maybe the ‘something’ was a big something.”
“Maybe he’s not ok.”
“Maybe he wants some peace.”
“Maybe he’s trying to ask for help.”
“He doesn’t need your help.”
“Oh and he needs yours?”
“Yeah, he did. And I didn’t betray him, so whatever problem you think you’ve
got with me, leave this out of it. I didn’t do anything wrong, I helped. He
shouldn’t have found out, fine. But I helped.”
“Playing the hero.” Vale laughed under his breath and shook his head. “Just
playing the hero.”
He didn’t look up to see the look he was given by the Mallorcan, and Jorge was
reasonably glad after the fact because one of them may have ended up dead.
“Look, like I said…whatever problem you think you’ve got with me, fine. I don’t
care. But I was good. I helped. I was fucking tempted to do what you would have
done, believe me. I could have bought a fucking country. But I didn’t. Because
that would be wrong, something you don’t seem to understand. I don’t play the
hero, I do what I think is right.”
Valentino smiled to himself as he felt his blood start to boil, trying to stay
calm and keep his voice steady. “I don’t understand right and wrong?”
“No.”
“Right. If you can explain that to me, please do.”
“It’s pretty obvious; you don’t care. About anyone else. You sit in the middle
of your circus and smile at people and they smile back at you. They don’t ask
questions, they just smile back at you and pat you on the back.”
Ah. “Do you want people to pat you on the back?”
“No.” Deep breath. “I don’t really care. I want to be honest with people. And
with myself.”
“And I’m not honest?”
A small laugh. “No.”
“What am I not honest about?”
“You always put on a show.”
Valentino was now perfectly calm and strangely interested in the conversation.
“Yeah, maybe I do. Have you ever considered if the show is the truth?”
There was a considered pause before Jorge nodded. “Yeah. How is that better?”
“Well, it’s honest.”
“If it were true, it would be honest. But it’s not. Not all of it.”
“It could be.”
“Fine, maybe it could. So you’re telling me you don’t have ulterior motives?
And expecting me to believe that?”
“Yeah.”
Great. “Fine. I believe you. Now leave me alone.”
“No. I want to talk about Dani. And you don’t believe me.”
“Ok, no.” He clenched a fist and shook his head. “I don’t believe you. The same
way I didn’t believe you when you were bashing fairings with me in Motegi.”
“That’s different.”
“It’s not.”
“Yes.” Vale sighed and nodded. “It is. That’s on the track. Now there, on the
track, I am ‘Valentino Rossi’, and I don’t have a problem with that. But that’s
not who is sat here. I don’t share your views, fine. But I’m not bad. Well,
sometimes I’m bad. Very bad.” He grinned as Jorge blushed. “But overall, I’m
ok. I’m not on a quest to be perfect.”
“Good job.”
“Yeah, I know. But I’m ok. I smile because I like smiling. I laugh because I
like laughing. It’s simple.”
“And you do that so people don’t ask questions. You’re not simple.”
“Yes, I have layers. And I don’t put other people before me. I don’t usually
put them after me either, but still. And why do you think I have a problem with
you?”
“Because you do. Like I have a problem with you.”
“Honest. Ok. Yeah, I do. We’re not really made to get on. Fine. But I’m not
evil.”
“Nobody is really evil.”
“Paedophiles?”
“Ill.”
“Murderers?”
“Crazy.”
“Hitler?”
“Ill and crazy.”
Vale laughed and nodded to himself. “Fair enough. Well…now that’s sorted, what
would you like for dinner?”
Jorge smiled very slightly and sighed in exasperation. “Stop it. This is a
serious conversation.”
“Ok. Have you seen Senna? The film?”
Jorge looked round at him and frowned. “Yeah…”
“Right...Motegi. Biaggi, Gibernau. Laguna ’08. Catalunya ’09. I would do
everything the same, because I won.”
“That’s got nothing to do with it. I’ve won. I’ve beaten you and I didn’t have
to hit you to do it.”
“I didn’t have to hit you to win, maybe. Maybe I took the wrong chances
sometimes. But I have a limit that I go to. It’s not too far. Maybe it’s not
always black and white, fine. But we’re racing. And we are racing to win. If
you no longer go for a gap…”
“But I do. I go for gaps. What I don’t do is smash them into existence. Which
is what he didn’t do either.”
“He?”
“Senna.”
“I disagree.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Maybe. Or maybe I just disagree, in a different grey area to the one you live
in.”
“No, right and wrong exist. Morals exist.”
“Yeah, they do. And yet millions of good people continue disagreeing every
day.”
Jorge stopped and took a deep breath, nodding and thinking that through. That,
at least, is true. “Look, I’m not trying to be a fascist. I’m not ill and
crazy. But I think you’ve put people in danger before. And I think you’ll do it
again. There is a difference between going for a gap and creating one, because
physical barriers can’t just disappear into thin air. You have to make them
move. You have to take control of them. And when you do that, take control away
from someone at 300kmph, it’s not safe.”
Who invited Jackie Stewart? “I agree, in much more extreme situations.”
“But it’s the same!” He took a deep breath and nodded, willing to try and stay
as annoyingly calm as the Italian. “Ok, Suzuka ’89. Whose fault is that?”
“Prost’s.”
Jorge laughed and shook his head. “No. That was Senna. The gap wasn’t big
enough.”
“No. There was a gap and Senna took it, and then Prost moved into him.”
“Ok. No, but ok. Suzuka ’90. Who was that?”
“Senna.”
“No!” Jorge yelled it at the sky and growled in frustration. “That was Prost.”
“No. Senna. The space was already getting smaller.”
“No, Prost moved across. For the same reason Senna kept his foot in, but he
moved. This is my point. To me, Senna just stayed where he was going to be.
Maybe he knew the space was inevitably going to get smaller, but he didn’t
cause it to get smaller. He just kept going.”
“So you’re saying that Prost closed a gap, instead of Senna violently trying to
create one.”
“Yes.”
“Interesting. I think you’re wrong, but it’s interesting.”
“But it’s not interesting. It’s wrong versus right.”
“To you.”
“No, that’s just what it is.”
Vale nodded to himself and smiled. “Wrong, right, morals and faith and
principles, fine. Everybody needs them. But there are different versions of
good people.”
“Maybe. There’s a difference between harmless and useless, too. But there is
only one ‘best’.”
Valentino rolled his eyes slightly and smiled to himself, wondering whether he
was going to say it because he believed it or because he had been told it, or
really because it would annoy him. And wondering if he would have been
wondering that in the last few seconds before he hit the floor in Mugello and
broke his leg. And if he had been wearing blue for the past year. “And it’s
me.”
“Pff. It was. But not anymore.”
“You think you’re better than me?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. I can and will beat you, I know that. But I don’t
pride myself on talent because it’s free. I think Casey might be better than
you. And I think Marc will be.” Jorge looked across and nodded at the look on
Valentino’s face, seeing a flash of knowing, indignant possibility. “And I
think that’s what this is about.”
The Italian sat in silence for a few seconds before shrugging. “Maybe you’re
right.” A quick flash of ‘whaaaaaat?!’ passed between them as he said that
word, before he papered over it and carried on. “What I’m saying to you is, I
know the risks. Believe me, I have learnt the risks. And I still agree with my
limit. And I know I care about Dani.” He got to his feet and brushed himself
off slightly, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check if the HRC rider had
called before looking back Jorge and shrugging. “So you either race against me,
or you don’t. But I smile a lot, so it’s not going to be me that has to leave
if you refuse to get on the bike.”
Vale walked off and back up to the house, pulling his hoody around him and
taking a deep breath. Good line. And true.
Jorge nodded at the lake as he left and sighed, feeling the frustration as he
looked back and watched the Ducati rider pull out his phone and try to ring
Dani again.
This is the question. Is there a gap between Marc and Dani? Or are you trying
to make one?
Or is it a grey area that I'm denying exists?
***** Normal Again *****
Chapter Notes
     I know. Today has been a weird day and I can't get my head out this
     story. But enjoy the resultant...3rd?! chapter of the day! ;)
     <3
“Ok. You’re feeling ok?”
“Yes. I’m…terrified, but I feel healthy.”
“Ok.” Although not really. “Don’t be scared. You’ll be fine.”
“I will.”
“Yeah. You’re in good hands.”
“I know.”
“So don’t be scared. You’ll be fine!”
Try that again. Convince me. The door banged open and Dani saw the minute
flinch in Marc’s eyes and realised it had been reflected in his own as the
younger rider frowned at him slightly and spoke. “You know I love you.”
“Don’t do this.”
“Do what?!”
“Like you’re off to the gallows or something.”
“I’m not! I say this all the time.”
Dani nodded and sighed. “I know.” But not with that look in your eyes. “Sorry.
I love you, too.”
The doctor coughed and they both suddenly realised that the door noise had come
from something actually happening rather than a poltergeist.
“You’re ready?”
Marc kept his eyes locked on Dani and slowly nodded in reply, everything from
opening the door in Cervera to the pool in Sitges to the pain of Milan and the
bliss of Geneva reflecting in the two deep pools of chestnut.
“Yeah. The Ant. Right?”
Dani took a deep breath and nodded at him, wrapping him up one last time and
concentrating on the quick-fire boom-boom-boom of his heart. “Exactly.”
*
“Hello. Is me again, mignon. Marc already go for the surgery?”
“I’ll call and check for you, chéri.”
Vale smiled down the phone, used to the hold music by this point, before
looking back up at the ceiling frowning as he heard suspicious noise coming
from upstairs. Again. And it’s the night, now. So it’s almost definite. He
grinned wickedly and shrugged as the phone connected again and the voice of the
lovely, more-than-60-year-old very round and rosy nurse came back on the phone.
She was, evidently, slightly in love with him. And he was, also, slightly in
love with her. Because she was being an absolute sweetheart and giving him
everything he wanted, and she was doing it with a smile and, he imagined, a
conspiratorial wink, happy to help someone trying to help a friend.
“Yes they say he went in 40 minutes ago.”
“Ok. Thank you. And Dani, he stay?”
“Yes, Mr Pedrosa is staying tonight in the room. But the doctor tells me that
MrMárqueztold him he should go home.”
“Oh, ok. Thank you. I agree.”
“I do think Mr Pedrosa should go home too. He didn’t sleep last night and Mr
Márquez came to see me to tell me I should tell him to sleep.”
Oh she is adorable. Vale smiled to himself again and nodded at his reflection
in the polished cooker. And so is Marc, slightly. He had a sudden flash of Marc
running, Marc getting on a bike, Marc pulling his helmet off with ruffled hair,
a bead of sweat running down in between Marc’s shoulder blades, Marc pinned
underneath Dani, both of them glistening with sweat, Marc spraying champagne,
Marc spraying champagne over him.
“Are you still here, chéri?”
“Yes!” Valentino coughed and took a deep breath. “Sorry. Ok, thank you for
helping, again. I will call again more later.”
*
Jorge was already half way up the stairs by the time he heard the noise and
stopped, cocking his head to listen. It was faint, but it was real, and it
seriously freaked him out.
Oh god. They’re having sex. They’re having sex in this house right now. Alex
Márquez and Pol Espargaró. One of them has their penis inside the other. Right
now.
He slowly reversed back down the stairs and stood in the middle of the living
room staring at the ceiling, horribly transfixed.
What do I do?!
He stared at the blank ceiling a few seconds longer and then looked around the
room.
Why do I need to do anything?!
He was just about to pull himself together when there was a cough from the
kitchen door and Jorge found himself staring through the half-darkness back at
Valentino.
“Oh. You.”
“Yeah, still here.” He smiled knowingly and stepped further forward, into the
center of the light cast by the lamp hanging down from the ceiling, glass of
something with ice in in his hand sparkling and clinking. “You ok?”
Like a cat. Prowling. Jorge wondered what he should say and how much he’d seen
before settling on a shrug. “Yeah…”
“They’re fucking like rabbits.” Vale grinned at him and rolled his eyes at the
expression. “We aren’t their parents, you know. And what did you think they’d
be doing here, away from everybody back at home? Holding hands?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Does it freak you out because they’re guys?”
“No.” Jorge shook his head and shrugged. “It’s because it’s…Alex…and Pol.
Having sex.”
Valentino grinned again and nodded. “You didn’t have sex when you were 15?”
“Well…yeah. But-“
“But that was different?”
“It actually was, though. Because she was 15. And wasn’t the ex…whatever of my
brother.”
Vale froze and stared at him before slowly putting the glass down. “What?!”
Fuck. “Nothing.”
“Try again. I see through your…’show’.”
Fuck fuck. “Ok. Marc and Pol…had a thing.”
“What?! I thought you might mean Aleix?!”
“No.” Jorge sighed and gave up with it. “Marc and Pol…had a thing.”
So it’s not just Dani. “What kind of thing?”
“Well…what do you want me to say? I don’t really know. They fucked. More than
once, I think. I don’t know if either of them cared. But I do know, for some
reason, that Marc was on top. And maybe that Pol doesn’t have much stamina.”
Vale spluttered slightly as he said that, not expecting anything like it
leaving the Mallorcan’s mouth. “Right...well he seems to have sorted that out,
anyway. It’s been going for an hour, on and off.”
Jorge smirked at him and raised his eyebrows slightly at the expression in
return. “Good for him. Like I said, it’s not because they’re guys. It’s because
they’re young, and I know them, and I feel weirdly in charge.”
“You seem to have that problem a lot.”
I’m going to let that go. “Maybe I do. I’m going to bed, anyway. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Vale watched him go, how each step closer to the noise seemed to
get harder, and smiled down into his glass as he took another sip. Sleep well.
“Don’t let them keep you awake. Try not to get too…aroused. Don’t be tempted to
wrap a hand around yourself and scream my name silently into your pillow.”
Jorge huffed at him and muttered a soft ‘fuck you’ as he disappeared up the
stairs, smirk hidden from the Italian, as Valentino took a deep breath and
smiled, surveying the empty room.
Finally. Some peace.
The ceiling banged again slightly and he looked up.
Almost.
He wandered around for a few minutes in the low light, remembering everything
he’d been part of in that house, and ran a finger over the odd surface he
remembered using as a mattress, smiling to himself and sighing at how strange
life could be when it moved on without you, leaving you several years too late
and listening to your rival’s 15 year old brother fuck your rival’s ex-
boyfriend in the house that you thought might one day have been yours.
He reached the floor to ceiling windows and stared out at the darkness for a
few seconds, past his reflection, before downing the rest of his drink and
putting the glass down.
“Right. I should probably go and fetch him.”
He smiled at himself reflected back in the glass, one side lit up by the moon
and the other side still dark, and nodded.
And I’m not going to think about Marc, or him, or them. I’m just going to think
about being a good, supportive friend, and giving him some peace.
*
Dani had made another, more informal promise to himself that he wouldn’t sleep,
but he woke up abruptly just past midnight and frowned around the brightly lit
room in confusion before he remembered everything and realised what must have
happened.
Broke another promise.
He vaguely remembered Marc trying to make him promise to do the opposite and
actually sleep a whole night before he sighed and sat up, squinting.
Lots of hours to go. But now I’ve technically fulfilled what he wanted, right?
“You’re awake.”
Dani blinked slowly a few times and focused on the doorway, realising it was
the woman from the desk who had passed him another message from Marc that he
should sleep.
“Hi. Yes. Is something wrong?”
“No. Don’t worry. Everything’s fine.”
His heart rate returned to more normal levels and he nodded. “Have I been
asleep a long time? I can’t remember when I got here.”
“Not too long, chéri. And there’s someone waiting at the reception for you. All
those photographer people have gone for the night too. But they’ll be back.
They always come back at about six in the morning.”
Someone waiting for me?! Dani frowned and felt another flash of please let it
not be the parents before following her out the room and down the corridor,
walking out into the even brighter light and squinting more before he realised
who it was, too tired to really think anything more about it than just that
old, familiar feeling.
“Oh. It’s you.”
“Yeah, it’s me. How are you?”
“Just fantastic.”
“Thought you might be. That’s why I’m here.” Valentino turned and nodded his
thanks at the nurse, Dani vaguely aware that her name might be Diana, and
winked at her. “Thank you.”
She blushed and nodded. “You’re welcome.”
The HRC rider found himself propelled forward by a firm but not too firm grip
on his arm, and was sure for some reason he shouldn’t follow him anywhere,
before giving in and walking.
“Where are we going?”
I thought this would be so much more difficult.“You’re coming?”
“I don’t want to leave the hospital…”
Valentino sighed and looked back at him. “I know, but I think you should. I
think you should come home and take a few hours off. To sleep and shower and
take your mind off everything. Just be normal again.”
“That’s not possible.”
The Italian finally found them at the front door and held it open as the
Spaniard walked past him.
“Everything is possible, and if anything happens we’re minutes away. They’ll
call. He won’t be out for another 5 hours, and he won’t be awake for another 6
or 7.”
Dani felt himself about to say ‘no’ before Valentino clicked the car unlocked
and held the door open.
“Come on. Stop being a martyr. You’ve spent too much time around Mallorcans.”
He felt himself start to smile, and then nod, and then got in the car and felt
himself do it again. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I’m always right.” The Ducati rider winked at him before passing him something
and grinning. “We’re going to just relax for a while. So light that up and get
ready to listen to some old records. On CD, unfortunately.” He pressed play and
the car filled with something that probably should have been the soundtrack to
someone else’s life, someone who was about to go and shoot-up a liquor store in
Mississippi, several decades ago.
Dani put the cigar in his mouth and lit it, watching the older rider do the
same, before they both watched the spiral of smoke tunnel its way upwards and
cross the interior on its way out the open windows each side.
“This is a hire car.”
Valentino gave him a look half way between disgust, love and amusement before
nodding and shrugging. “I’m Valentino Rossi.”
Dani stared at him for a few seconds and watched that familiar little tilting
of his chin as he tried to live up to that, sharing a knowing smile with the
Italian and nodding.
“Yes, you are.”
He turned back to face through the windscreen and settled down into the seat as
Vale started the engine, finally feeling himself almost start to relax, at
least for a minute. They pulled out of the car park and Vale turned the CD up
once they were clear of the residential streets, Dani realising where they were
going once they passed the house and then turned left, heading uphill.
Normal again. Just for a few hours.
***** Who Says? *****
Valentino pulled over once they reached the view that Dani knew they were
headed for, and turned to stare at him, cigar pouting, looking like some skinny
Cuban mafioso.
“I bet…” The Italian unhooked his seatbelt and wiggled his eyebrows, earning a
smile for his efforts, “We can see the hospital from here, anyway.”
Dani stared after him for a few seconds after he got out the car, confused but
ultimately just thankful he wasn’t being weird, or trying to reel him in, and
followed him down to the grass, sitting down next to him and smiling as he
wondered what headlines would be written about this, if someone saw. The first
openly gay MotoGP rider sat under the moon with Valentino Rossi whilst his
boyfriend had major surgery, both smoking cigars.
“You feel better already. Away from there.”
Dani looked sideways at him and nodded, adding a little shrug at the end.
“Yeah.”
“Why do you feel guilty?”
“Because I should be there.”
“Who says?”
“Well…I should.”
“No.” Vale nudged him to get his attention back and shook his head, even
raising a finger slightly to wag at him. “There is no should. Who says?”
“I don’t know...I guess…I guess that’s just what you’re supposed to do.”
“Exactly. Nobody told you they wanted you to be there. The hospital were trying
to get you to leave. So you didn’t just die on them. From exhaustion, or
misplaced guilt.”
“But…Marc.”
“Yes. Marc. Marc is the point. Did he tell you to stay? Or did he do what I
think he probably did, which is ask you to go home and sleep?”
Dani stared back at him, only the slightest hint of blue visible in his eyes in
the low light, and nodded. “He told me to go home.”
“Right. So…what’s going on? Why do you feel like you have to be there so badly,
even when you know there’s absolutely no point?”
For someone who spends their life refusing to answer them, you ask a mean
question. “Because…every time I’m not there, something bad happens.”
Ah. “Superstition.”
“Well…no. Experience.”
“Like what?” Valentino saw the flash of suspicion on his face and shook his
head. “No. Don’t look at me like that. I’m trying to help. Maybe I’m not
swashbuckling with Honda, but I’m here too.” He looked away and nodded to
himself slightly ruefully before looking back at Dani and shrugging. “I know I
brought this on myself. And I’m sorry. For Milan. For coming here, before. I
meant everything I said but I was a dick.”
Dani smiled and nodded at him, hoping his expression was enough, not quite able
to form the words ‘you are forgiven’, and blew a puff of smoke at his face,
Valentino closing his eyes and then grinning back at him.
“See. I’m reviving you.”
"Maybe a bit."
"Good. And explain what you mean. Experience?"
"Well...he got into this mess in the first place because there wasn't a 'me' to
help. Then there was and everything was better, then the parents hated me,
Jorge kind of...arrived, then it all went public. And I had to leave, and go
home. Where your message was waiting. And Marc had his kind of 'final showdown'
with them back in Cervera and was so upset. And he passed out. And I said 'I
won't leave him to deal with stuff like that again.' And then...Milan. And then
I told him, and the way he took it. He's seventeen but he's...just not. Not
really. He's way more than that, or whatever that is normally. I think you saw
that when you turned up. Because if that had been me, watching Pol turn up..."
Dani trailed off and they shared a look as he realised the irony. "But...not
like this. Like that. Anyway, we were doing pretty well. Then I found out about
Jorge because the idiot didn't tell me, and went out because I was angry. So
Marc was in trouble, and I wasn't there. Again."
"And you didn't really cause any of it."
"That's not the point."
"So it's superstition."
"No. It's...being there."
"There's a difference between being there and taking responsibility for how
someone feels. Like right now."
Dani stared at him and then nodded. "You might be right."
"I am right. How do you think Marc grew into who he is?"
The HRC rider frowned at him and waited. "What?"
"Because with the hard stuff, getting back up again...he's always had to do
that. You can't win a championship until you can do it on our own. With your
team, yeah, of course. But you can't win a championship until you know you're
virtually indestructible. In your head. And he's won championships. Properly.
Fought for them. And...well, this is a bit different, because it's not a case
of being upset or angry or feeling like something unjust happened, it was his
whole career he was in meltdown about. And I can understand that."
Dani suddenly realised the entire problem and felt the hairs on the back of his
neck stand up. You can.
*
“Did everything go ok?”
Alex wandered into the kitchen, yawning, and wearing only jeans, closely
followed by Pol, also only in jeans. The younger Márquez started opening
cupboards looking for things and Jorge pointed to the final one, smiling to
himself as the feeding ritual began, tink-tink-tink of cereal hitting the bowl
ringing out across the room.
Did everyone used to be like that? Me as well? Or is it just him? Or boys?
“Yeah it was fine. He’s not awake yet, but everything was successful and he
should be back tomorrow.”
“Good.”
Well, yes. “What are you guys doing today?” More fucking?
“Karting.”
“Cool.”
“Yeah.”
Right. Sparkling conversation. He watched them sit down next to each other, and
watched Alex pour milk over his cereal, then put the bottle down and Pol pick
it up and do the same, suddenly having a strange flashback to the 250cc days,
remembering watching Dani have breakfast with Valentino, and some other people,
in some motorhome somewhere. He poured it. He shook his head at himself at the
weird moment still being stored in his brain, but all he could think about was
the difference. He picked up the coffee and poured it for Dani. Then he reached
for the plate and offered it to him. Maturity? Or a big difference for a
different reason? “That should be good. Do you know if Valentino’s up yet?”
Pol looked at him and shook his head, swallowing before he answered. “He’s not
here.”
“What?”
“The car’s gone. He and Dani came back, maybe about 2, and then they left again
at about 5.30.”
“Oh. Ok.” So it’s just me and them. Is that better or stranger? “Back to the
hospital?”
“I don’t know, I just heard them. Dani had a shower when they got back, then
they came downstairs and went quiet until the car woke me up.”
Right. “Ok. Well I’m going to…” Not tell them about Honda. “…try and sort some
stuff out today. But I can give you a ride to the track?”
“Thanks.” They looked at each other and Pol nodded before attempting to throw
his spoon across the room into the sink, missing quite badly and trying to put
Alex off as he prepared to try. He tried, and missed but by less, and then they
both looked round at Jorge with ‘eek’ faces.
Yeah, I’m sat right here. The Mallorcan looked at them for a few seconds before
starting to laugh and the expression. He was right. I’m not your parents. He
shifted his gaze to the sink and lined it up as best he could before sending
the spoon hurtling across the room at great speed, loud clatter echoing from
the sink as it hit the target and smugly came to rest at the bottom.
“Leave in half an hour. OK?”
Pol shared a look of smugness with him before nodding. “Fine with me. And I
called Aleix. He knows where I am.”
I’m surprised you’re not microchipped. “Good.”
Then Alex. “And I think I should probably call my parents, and explain.
Properly. Obviously they know some stuff…but…”
“Good idea.” Jorge downed the rest of his coffee and walked over to join the
cup back to the spoon in the sink. Although I have no idea why you’re telling
me this like I should reward you? He grimaced and looked up and out the window
as another missile flew past his left ear and hit the tiles, trying to hide the
fact he was smiling and ignoring the fact that he’d thrown an entire loaf of
bread at Ricky the week before. Because it is funny. It’s just… “Don’t throw
shit. Or if you throw it, clear it up.” It’s not your house.
“Sorry...”
One more, followed by giggling.
“Sorry.”
Jorge got as far as picking up something to throw back before putting it down
as he noticed a note tacked onto the fridge to his right and picked it up,
brandishing it at them as he turned round, hands up. “Ok. I surrender. And
you’re going to call the cleaner. The number is on here. Before we leave.” He
kept his tone as intimidatingly harsh as possible and slammed the paper down on
the table in front of them, before leaning forward and tipping the remaining
contents of their cereal bowls onto their laps and walking away, laughing
evilly and enjoying the resultant chorus of expletives.
Ha.
*
“We should probably go back to the house. I want to shower. And I should
sleep.”
Vale nodded next to him and turned his head to make eye contact. “Ok. Good.
Finally. Sense.”
Dani laughed and shrugged before staring back up at the sky again, wondering
how bad the grass stains might be from lying there for an hour. “Maybe.” He
sighed slightly and felt a pang of guilt as Vale unravelled his hand from the
HRC rider’s and got to his feet, offering Dani the same hand to help him up and
giving him a tug back upright. “I do feel better.”
“Well…good. Me too. I feel like I haven’t tried to fuck your life up, now.
Maybe there is some truth in the Spartan wisdom.”
Dani laughed and followed him back up to the car, wondering how much to say.
“Well…he’s often right, which is annoying. But he always seems so serious. And
then suddenly does something ridiculously funny and laughs like a girl.”
“What?!” The Italian craned back around to look at him and shook his head.
“No.”
“Yeah! Honestly. When you get to know him, he’s actually…fun. Sometimes. Like
me?”
Vale shrugged as he conceded the point and nodded. “Fair enough. You are fun.
Mostly. Other than the times when you’re fucking moping around.”
“Hey!”
“I’m not taking that back. It’s character building.”
“And you know a lot about that?”
“Yes. You…” They were now sat in the car and Vale turned to stare at him, a
little bit more seriousness on his face. “You know that.”
“Hmm maybe I do.” Dani looked away and nodded. “But honestly, he’s not a dick.
Mostly. I know it must be hard to accept.”
“Actually, no. I just don’t know why he can’t lighten up.”
“He can. Or he has, with me and Marc. In fact…” Dani pulled Marc’s phone out
his pocket and grinned. “I have proof.”
“What?!”
“Wait.” Dani called the voicemail and put it on speaker, playing back the
karaoke from the car in Barcelona and watching Valentino’s eyes widen in
pleasant surprise.
“I take your point.”
“So…maybe you should cut him some slack…”
Vale looked at him with puppy dog eyes before laughing wickedly as Dani glared
him down. “Ok. I know what you mean. Maybe I push his buttons. A bit. Or…I did.
When we were teammates.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I know you know, and it’s still slightly funny.”
Dani rolled his eyes and leaned forward to put the CD back on, wanting a few
more minutes of freedom. “Don’t be mean.”
“It’s not mean. It’s just the game. At the track.”
“Maybe.”
Valentino went quiet for a few seconds before looking back at him. “You know,
the sooner you accept that nobody can be a saint all the time, the sooner
you’ll stop driving yourself insane with guilt.”
Dani nodded and smiled at him, trying to brush off the incredible accuracy of
the insight, and looked back out the window.
But what does that mean? Not being a saint?
***** Chasing Shadows *****
Chapter Notes
     So this is clear, this is the missing time window when Pol said they
     were downstairs, right? :) Don't know if it is confusing but I'm
     quite tired and probably quite slow right now ;) which is also the
     reason you may find errors, sorry!
     Thanks for reading, people... <3
     (and I'm not trying to make anyone drink and drive...they're pretty
     spaced out, the drinks... ;) )
Dani showered, as he’d said he would, and stared at his face in the mirror for
a few minutes afterwards. It looks like I was sent to a gulag. When I was 15.
He tried to shut the sight off and got changed into clean clothes, deciding
pajamas, if he’d been able to find any, would have been pointless anyway since
he had to get up soon and get dressed; so why not cut out the middle man. He
went back downstairs, reminding himself every couple of minutes that three
other people were asleep in the house and he couldn’t talk to himself or do
anything loud or play music, and found Valentino cradling a glass of something,
a double of which was on the table waiting for him, and staring out the window.
“Clean?”
“Clean.”
“Good.” The Italian turned back away from him slightly and motioned outside
with his glass. “It’s nice, here. I’d forgotten how nice.”
“It is. That’s why I live here. That and the fact that nobody cares who I am.”
“And the tax rate is pretty special.” Valentino grinned at him and shrugged.
“It’s not like you’re earning it in Spain…”
Really not having this conversation now. He picked up the second glass and took
an exploratory sip, feeling the burn slice down his throat and settle there.
There’s nothing like a tumbler of whiskey in the middle of the night to make
you feel like you must have grown up at some point. “No. I need to sleep.”
“Ok. Go to bed.”
You’re still not trying. Where is the plan? He realised he was starting to
truly relax around him again and wondered whether that in itself was the plan.
Although he’d never been unrelaxed around him in terms of being afraid to be
who he was or do what he wanted, but since that phone call and the months
afterwards watching the expression in his eyes differ wildly from the words
coming from his mouth, a certain amount of guard had gone up. And lately,
another layer, more to protect himself from himself. Or maybe there is no plan.
Maybe the plan is to just be there for a while. “The other bed. In the other
bedroom…it’s not made. I didn’t have time…so…you use our room.” He coughed
slightly and went red, which hopefully Valentino couldn’t see in the low light.
“Mine and Marc’s.” Not ‘ours’. “You sleep there, and I’ll sleep on the sofa.
Unless you want to crawl into bed with Jorge.”
“No, I don’t. Well…I would…” He winked at Dani and shrugged. “But I like my
penis, and I think he’d chop it off.”
Woah. “I think he may.” He took a sip of whiskey as he automatically and
accidentally considered whether he would, catching Valentino’s eye and smiling
slightly as the Italian raised an eyebrow and shrugged slightly.
“Come on…”
“Ok, yeah.”
Vale’s eyes widened and he grinned. “Didn’t think you’d admit it.”
“Well…you didn’t get a 2 minute long embrace yesterday, with your head pressed
against pure steel.”
“Pure steel?!”
“Chest. His chest.”
“Oh.” Vale nodded and then frowned. “Embrace?! What happened?”
“Honda. When he explained. I was pretty upset.”
“Ah. Yeah, you looked…upset. Sorry.”
Why? “What for now?” Is this the most you’ve ever said that?!
“Not being there.”
“It’s ok. He was.”
He was. And that makes me intensely grateful and incredibly bitter at the same
time. “Good. But answering the real question, don’t be stupid. Go to bed. I’ll
sleep here.”
Dani sighed and hung his head slightly. “Ok, I can’t.”
“What?”
“Sleep up there. I don’t want to sleep up there. I want to sleep on the sofa.
Because it doesn’t remind me of anything.” Much..
“Oh. Ok.” Valentino nodded and downed the rest of the drink. “But I don’t want
to sleep up there either.”
“Ok. Well…” Dani shrugged in slight exasperation. “What do you want me to say?”
Valentino shrugged annoyingly casually and lay down on the sofa next to Dani.
“That it’s big enough for two.”
Here we go. Dani was just about to set off on a tirade before Vale shook his
head and held up a finger to stop him.
“There is no game. I promise you. I promise you on my dislike for Casey Stoner,
I don’t want anything from you. I want to make you feel better. An hour ago,
you were lying next to me in a field and slowly inching your hand into mine
wondering when I’d notice, right?”
Dani stared and squirmed.
“Right. I noticed straight away. And I wanted to just do it for you, but then I
was worried you’d take it the wrong way as well. I’m not reading anything into
it. You just needed a hand. Literally. And now you need a hug, and sleep. So
let’s do it at the same time.”
If this was a hidden camera show, this would be a sin. But nobody's watching.
The Honda rider stared for a few more seconds before tugging those words from
the back of his mind. Who says? Who decides what’s right and wrong?
Vale nodded as he watched the words tick over and smiled, the expression
reaching all the way to his eyes and much, much further. “I promise.”
I decide. I’m not a saint, and I hurt. Dani finally nodded and sat on the edge,
looking back round and locking eyes with him.And I know who I love. “Ok. But if
you break this promise in the next few hours, you leave and you don’t come
back. Ever.”
The Italian wrapped an arm round him as he relaxed against him, threading their
fingers back together again, and nodded.
“I know.”
*
“Wake up.”
Dani opened his eyes and squinted, expecting the words to be coming from in
front of him rather than behind, before suddenly realising where he was. “I’m
awake.” He felt his hand squeezed slightly before Vale pulled his away and
leant up on his elbow, peering over Dani until the younger rider rolled over
slightly onto his back so he could look at him. “What time is it?”
“5.20.”
“Right.” Dani closed his eyes again for a second to try and get everything to
seem real, and then woke up again 3 minutes later after another ‘wake up!’.
“I’m awake. What time is it?”
“5.23. Get up. Marc will be out of surgery in about an hour.”
His breathing suddenly relaxed again and Valentino hung his head as he realised
he wasn’t going to win that way. Ok. Fine. He gently lifted himself free of
Dani and walked into the kitchen, blinding himself badly with the light and
staggering around for a few seconds trying to recover. Fuck that’s bright. He
turned on the coffee maker and narrowed his eyes as he tried to remember which
cupboard takeaway cups might be in, wondering if he still had them. He decided
where he thought they used to be and opened the cupboard to disappointment
before moving a few things and finding them.
Some things don’t change.
He stared at the machine until it was done, now 5.26am, and grimaced as a loud
beep signalled it was ready.
That must have woken him up again… He poured two cups and pocketed his hire car
keys before walking back in, expecting Dani to be sat up and ready. Still not.
He put the cups down on the coffee table and crouched down in front of the
younger rider, watching him for a few seconds then looking back at the clock
and nodding to himself. Have to do it, sorry.
“Dani.”
Nothing.
“Dani…”
Nothing.
“Dani…Wake up. Get up. Dani. Fuck! I like Casey! Wake up! Wake up. I slept with
Max Biaggi. Dani…”
He sighed and carried on.
“Dani Dani Dani Dani wake the fuck up….DANI. WAKE UP. I FUCKED MARC. HE LIKED
IT. HE BEGGED FOR MORE. WAKE UP WAKE UP.”
Maybe I’ll try true things.
“Dani. Ducati’s not going to work out, Dani. I made a mistake. Your boyfriend
is beautiful. I think I respect Jorge. I missed you and I’m glad we seem to be
friends again. Dani…WAKE UP…I’m not joking…I love you…WAKE THE FUCK UP.”
Finally.
“I’m awake. What time is it?”
“5.36. We need to go.”
The Honda rider nodded and sat up. “Right.”
Finally. “Coffee.” Vale placed the cup in his hand and jangled his keys.
“Ready…?”
Dani got to his feet and nodded, looking confusedly but appreciatively at the
cup in his hand and taking a sip before shadowing Valentino back outside to the
car, gravel crunching underfoot before it crunched under the tyres and they
chased the headlight beams back to the road.
“I had a weird dream.”
“Yeah?”
“I think I dreamt you told me you had sex with Max Biaggi.”
Vale laughed and shook his head. “No…” I hope that’s the only thing you
remember. “Urgh.”
“Weird.”
“Very weird.”
They sat in comfortable silence for a few miles before Vale sniffed the air and
frowned. “Some dick’s been smoking cigars in here." He tutted and rolled his
eyes. "Some people.”
Dani looked sideways at him and started to laugh, and laugh, finally awake and
aware and a bundle of nerves again, appreciating the effort at lightening the
mood. Some people. "In a hire care of all places…"
Valentino grinned at him and nodded, smiling at the effect it had had.
“I know, right?”
***** Cosa Nostra *****
Chapter Notes
     Ok so updates are now going back to being 'whenever' ...either when
     I'm in the mood or I honestly have time ;) or both, preferably ;) got
     a lot on until next week, all unfortunately quite boring. Will still
     be quickish though. I can't leave it ;)
     Thank you for reading, come sempre! :)
Dani certainly hadn’t thought about it before they actually pulled up outside
the front doors; the fact that the person that was suddenly his support, or a
big part of it, was the person that Marc still saw as ‘the destroyer’ and could
absolutely not go in. He turned to the Italian as they ground to a halt,
realising from the look on his face that he’d probably already guessed what he
was going to say, and shrugged at him.
“You can’t come in. To the room, at least. I…I can’t explain everything to him
right now. Like Pol has to stay out of it. At least until he’s ready for it.
That has to come first.”
Valentino looked at him slightly sadly and nodded. “I know. With Pol, I
know…now. Jorge told me what happened. And…I guess I deserve it.”
“I kissed you.”
“Yes. You did.” Vale smiled at him and Dani tried to divine whether it was a
yeah and don’t you forget it or more of a I wish I’d never been made to hope.
“But that wasn’t the damage, was it? It was when I turned up.”
Dani looked at him and wondered how far deep it went, the well-wishing and
support, certainly when it wasn’t just him but him and Marc involved, and shook
his head. “No. Not really. There isn’t really much damage.”
“So all the photos fell off the wall on their own?”
Ah. Well. There were those 10 minutes of attempted arson.. “No. Marc pulled
them down. He was really, really angry. But not at me. Or, really, you. At the
situation. Frustrated. But it didn’t last long. You saw him when you got there.
That was only a couple of minutes later, and I’d…sorted it by then.”
“Sorted it?”
“I mean, reminded him of a few things.”
“Oh. Ok.” Powerful things, I guess. “And he wasn’t mad you kissed me?”
“He was. It wasn’t great, for a few hours. Well, no…it was actually ok at
first, but the day after we had a rough time. But he respected the honesty. And
the reasons.” Which I won’t explain. Dani was now half out the car and looking
back inside. "This...situation...for now...it has to be our thing, ok?"
Situation. Valentino nodded and tried to follow the rest of the conversation,
although if not in reality, certainly metaphorically, his eyes had clouded
over. He respected the honesty. Not too much damage. Not mad at me, not mad at
you…the reactions of someone who feels secure. And is mature. He realised he’d
agreed to wait for Dani to give him a call about waiting or going home and
watched the Sabadell native walk away from the car and back up the steps to the
entrance, not pausing to look back. Why did this hit me harder? Because I don’t
really mean it when I say I want him to be happy? Or because I just realised
that he actually might be, and not with me?
He turned the CD off and pulled away from the building to park under some trees
much further away, putting his phone on loud and locking the doors.
Sleep makes everything clearer. And you may have just had some, but I didn’t.
He settled in and was about to drift off when his phone went off.
Dani: Don't wait :) I don’t know how long I’ll be. Thank you. A lot.
He read it through and replied as though that was absolutely fine before
turning the ignition on and shaking his head from side to side a few times to
wake up, and turning the CD back on. Much louder. Don't wait.
But I mean it, when I say it. And why didn’t you want to sleep in that bed?
He started the engine and got to the road before deciding to turn left to the
city, away from the house.
Our thing. Right.
*
Same room, again. But this time waiting for something positive rather than
something terrifying. He stared at the clock, 15 minutes to go, and watched
each movement of the second hand as if he was a referee in El Clásico, deciding
after over a full minute that the game had changed, and it was more FCB-Osasuna
and he was allowed to relax and go and get a drink, or even some food.
Food! Not had that for a while! On cue his stomach remembered it existed and
growled. Food and a drink. And then, waiting. And then, he’s back and he’s
fixed.
He walked down the corridor and down to the desk, disappointed to see that the
nurse on duty had changed and Diana had gone, before asking for directions to a
café or something similar and heading off in search, pulling out his phone to
tell Valentino to go home. Not home. Not his home, anyway. Just…back to our
house. He sent the message and then went back over that in his head. Ours. Mine
and Marc’s.
He ate 3 croissants in quick succession and downed another coffee, remembering
the coffee Valentino had made and feeling a strange mixture of pleasure and
pain. He’s actually doing what he should have been doing, if he cares. He’s
actually here and helping. He let that sink in and then realised why the pain
was there. Because that means he meant it. And I can’t deal with that at the
moment.
His phone pinged and he pulled it out and grinned.
Vale: Vale ;)
Just about the only word in my language you ever learned.
He retraced his steps back to the room and sat staring at the clock again.
First minute of injury time, but we're winning. I hope..
*
Dani: Morning. He’s out of surgery and they say everything went fine. He’s not
awake yet. He should be home tomorrow. Can you tell Alex when he wakes up? I
don’t know when they’ll wake up…I remember being 15… ;)
Jorge: Morning. Good :) I will. And I don’t know when they’ll wake up either.
Fucking…noisy.
Dani: Noisy?!
Jorge: That was the whole phrase: fucking…noisy. The fucking was noisy.
Dani: OH. Ok…I didn’t hear anything when I was back, but I will take your word
for it. This is a question you may not like but did they steal condoms?!
Jorge: Ask Valentino about it. He enjoyed it more than me.
Dani: I hope you mean the noise…
Jorge: Oops! I do! Sorry, to the other thing...I don't know. Am I the newsman?
Dani: Yeah, you made yourself that guy in the middle who always has the phone
glued to his ear and sorts out the bodies at 4am. And you’re officially a
blackmailer, anyway. :)
Jorge: Fair enough. You’re obviously feeling better?
Dani: Well yes, the love of my life hasn’t been killed on the operating table.
Jorge: I imagine that helps the day get off to a good start. Let me know if you
want a ride back, I’m going to sort Honda at the Swissôtel later.
Dani: Thanks. I might…
*
Impressively, they had actually called the cleaner. It became slightly less
impressive when it was revealed that she spoke Spanish, but they had still done
it. Possibly because the cereal had made a mess and it was easier to go through
that than actually have to clear it up.
“Right. You ready? Where’s the track? Geneva or Lausanne direction?”
“I don’t know.”
Right. “Well…I certainly don’t know…”
“Right.”
Jorge stared at Alex for a few seconds and then shrugged at him, slowly.
“So…find out where it is?” Before I really create bodies to sort at 4am.
“Oh! Right. Ok.”
He hustled off in search of the information and Jorge looked down at himself,
wondering if you should dress that sharply when you’re on the way to blackmail
people. Definitely. It’s written into some sort of code: for blackmail, wear a
black suit. Also for murder, extortion and partying when things that may show
up on other colours may happen.
“Lausanne. But not far.”
Jorge nodded and grabbed his car keys. “Right, ok. Ready?”
The two younger riders nodded and followed him out to the car, the Yamaha rider
putting the key back under the stone as he locked the door and getting into the
driver’s seat. Pol got in the front, and Alex in the back.
It’s still weird. The way they follow me around like I’m definitely in charge.
I mostly like it, but...but. He turned on the radio and tried to forget about
it and focus on the contract in his pocket, before his phone rang and he handed
it to Pol with instructions to answer it and put it on speakerphone.
“Morning. Today’s the meeting, right?”
“Yeah. I’m on the way now, hoping they can’t see it coming given that I made
them come to Geneva and I’ve been photographed at the hospital.”
“They won’t. They’ll even appreciate the PR. You sure it’s going to work? I
spoke to-“
“I’m in the car with Alex and Pol.”
“Right. Ok. Well…everyone else knows what’s going on.”
“Ok. Thanks, Casey.”
“No worries. When are you going home?”
“No idea.”
“Ok. I’ll…talk to you then. When you’re not…busy.”
Jorge smiled knowingly and nodded at the phone. “You will. Will my Christmas
present be waiting for me when I get home?”
“Yeah. The head of the Catalan traitor.”
“Did you talk to Dani?!”
“No. I know who did though, if you get me. I didn't mean him! Why?!”
“No, no...I know. Just that’s the second Mafia reference of the day.”
Casey laughed and Pol and Alex looked at each other. “I bet you’re wearing ‘the
suit’ as well…”
“What do you mean by ‘the suit’?!”
“The black one that you said makes you feel-“
“YES YES OK. Thank you.” Jorge went slightly red and looked away out the window
as the other two laughed, followed by Casey. There goes the authority. And I
definitely liked it better before.
“I guess from that reaction you are wearing it…have a good day, guys. Be nice
to the babysitter.”
The phone went dead and Pol put it into the dashboard phone shelf. “Why are you
wearing a suit?”
“Because I’m going to a meeting.” Take the power back, come on. “Like he said;
be nice to the babysitter.” Alex pouted in the rearview mirror, Pol letting it
slide, and Jorge was about to try effect reparations with him before the
younger Márquez suddenly frowned down at his lap and made an ‘eek’ face,
sending Jorge’s heart to the bottom of the seat. “I saw that face. What
happened?”
Alex went red and locked eyes with him in the mirror. “The, er…the map was
upside down.”
Jorge took a deep breath before starting to laugh slightly, relief flooding
through him. Of course it was. “So we’re going the wrong way?”
“Yes.”
He growled slightly in pantomime irritation as he indicated to turn off onto a
side road and turn around, realizing once they were a few kilometers further
down the road in the right direction why he’d panicked, catching sight of Alex
in the mirror again and giggling at him uncontrollably.
It crossed my mind you might have pissed yourself.
“What?!”
“Nothing.” He tried and failed to stop, before giving in to it and being joined
by Pol, laughter always a catchy disease. It actually crossed my mind you might
have pissed yourself. Genuinely.
Sweet Jesus. He’s 15. Not 4.
*
That was a blink. Dani shot to his feet and peered over the Moto2 rider, breath
stopped, the much longer wait for him to wake up having re-energised the
adrenaline filled countdown. That was a blink. He stared at him for a few
seconds before Marc’s eye, the one without the eye patch, which had returned,
opened and looked at him, frowning as he tried to focus.
“You’re awake.”
Marc’s eye tracked round the room before settling back on Dani and being joined
by a smile. “Snjknfsub.” The HRC rider’s hand was grabbed and linked into his,
before he tried again more successfully, still very rusty, but very much
'back'. “Did you miss me?”
The older rider stared down at him and grinned, nodding. “I did.”
"You got some sleep!"
"You can tell?"
"You don't look dead."
Nice. Marc laughed at the expression his face had obviously made, and he
nodded. "I got some sleep. I went home for a bit."
"Good."
"Not good. But maybe wiser." In only very few ways.
"So...I'm obviously alive."
"You are. And you can come home, maybe tomorrow. Maybe the day after,
depending."
"Right. Good. And the eye patch?"
"Yeah. A few days. Maybe a bit longer..."
"I've heard that before."
Dani clenched his teeth slightly and nodded. That's true. "You know something
else you've heard before?"
"No?"
"I love you."
Marc grinned at him and nodded. "I have heard that before. I love you too."
They stared at each other for a few seconds before Marc took a deeper breath,
the kind that signals relief has been found and processed. "How much sleep did
you get?"
"Hmmm...at least 3 hours."
The younger rider nodded at him and smiled, patting the bed. "Well if you're
really, really careful with me...you can get in here."
"You're tired too?"
Marc shook his head slightly and winced as he did. "No. I'm not tired."
"So I'll sit here and talk to you."
The younger rider repeated the head shake and wince and narrowed his eyes.
"No."
"No?!"
"No. Get in here and go to sleep. You think that's not going to make me feel
better than talking? I've not been close to you for too long."
They shared another little moment before Marc shuffled over and smiled as he
won, Dani gently getting onto the bed, defeated but also obviously happy to
have been overruled. "This is a bad idea."
"No it's not. Everything from the head down is fine. So put your head here-
" Marc arranged him so his head was on his chest "-and you can relax."
"If I hurt you, kick me out."
Marc's hand brushed through his hair and there was a sharp intake of breath as
he tried to shake his head again, moving slightly to iron out the gaps between
them and hearing a small contented sigh as reward. "I think first I need to
remember to stop hurting myself."
"...yeah..."
The Moto2 rider looked down, wondering why there'd been no witty response about
drinking or self-sabotage, and smiled as he saw the eyelids closed and jaw
relaxed.
Ah. Already half gone.
***** Mostly *****
Chapter Notes
     It's been too long. I know it. Sorry..! :)
     And I think we have an end game decided for everyone. And when I
     think of the amount of chapters I'm going to have to write to get
     there at this 'describe every day' rate I get excited and terrified.
     ;) We'll see...
     <3
DM @NickyHayden: @ValeYellow46 dude I’m bored
DM @NickyHayden: @ValeYellow46 I’m coming up
DM @NickyHayden: @ValeYellow46 fucking reply here or on the phone..?!
DM @NickyHayden: @ValeYellow46 sorry you’re probably busy
DM @NickyHayden: @ValeYellow46 on my way though, see you in Geneva?
DM @ValeYellow46: @NickyHayden calm down haha! Ok I am here in Swissôtel
sleeping. Call my room when you arrive? Safe travel
*
It had gone smoother than he feared it would; part of him, he realised, had
actually made sure he explained exactly where he was going to more than one
person. Not genuinely believing HRC would just disappear him; people would
probably notice, not least Yamaha, but he’d just had a black cloud of dread in
his stomach since Dani had used the word ‘blackmail’ and he’d realised that was
the truth. Blackmail. But morally upstanding blackmail, if such a thing
existed.
He’d gone in, dispensed with the show and the pleasantries, and held up the two
halves of the contract before explaining exactly what was going on, and why.
Dani would remain a HRC rider as long as Jorge saw no other reason why that
should change – chiefly unless he or Valentino wanted to leave Yamaha, or
another rider outperformed him on track by a big margin. If Marc were to win
the Moto2 Championship that year and continue his rise to the top and that
wasn’t recognised, that would also be enough to publish, because he was
supposed to be destined for Honda, Repsol or otherwise. And Casey, and Cal, and
Livio, and Alberto, and Dani, and Ricky, and Matt Roberts all knew about it. So
you have no choice.
That over, he stopped himself walking straight back to the car and decided to
take a few minutes peace and have a drink in the bar, the claustrophobia of the
house starting to get too much, part of him wondering why he was still there
anyway before realising that the Valentino support structure may not last past
Marc getting home, and Dani probably wasn’t going to be able to deal with
everything on his own. Still.
And the Valentino support structure. What is that? Truth? Cheating? Bullshit?
Opportunism? He swilled the liquid around the ice in the bottom of his glass
and looked up frowning as a flash of red caught his eye.
What are you doing here?!
Nicky hadn’t seen him; the American only just visible to Jorge as he walked
into reception, the lower light of the bar giving the Spaniard the advantage of
a clearer view. He had luggage, although not much, and he seemed to be booking
a room.
Do I go over? Do I ignore him? Do I believe in chance?
Jorge downed the rest of the drink before looking at the clock and realising
how long it was since he’d eaten, ordering food and ignoring the new arrival
whilst he thought about it, suddenly remembering Valentino had given Dani a
ride to the hospital and hadn’t got back before he’d gone out. And he’d put the
only key back in a slightly different place to where it should have been,
something he’d realised half way between Alex possibly pissing himself and
dropping the two younger riders off.
Fuck.
He pulled out his phone and pressed ‘call’ before he’d realised quite the
difference in attitude that was – not a text. A call. And I don’t even really
mind if he answers. Although the conversation outside – the Suzuka – had
irritated him, and ended in one of those classic Rossi off-stage lines, it had
changed their dynamic completely, and he’d felt that when the Italian had dared
to make that joke to him, when he was going to upstairs, and the fact that he
had been genuinely amused himself.
But what actually changed?
He listened to the ringing, and sighed as he realised it might go to voicemail,
before there was a click and it connected.
“Ciao Jorge. What’s happening?”
The Yamaha rider smiled to himself and shook his head slightly at the immediate
question. It’s everyone. Everyone assumes I’m calling to pass on information.
Or gather troops. “Nothing happening. I just forgot to put the key back in the
same place and thought you might not be able to get back in. You find it? Or
you still at the hospital?”
“Ah, no don’t worry. I’m…out.”
“Out? Well yeah. To some people at least…”
“Funny. But no, I’m in the city. To get some peace. Where are you?”
Does he know the whole story? He was starting to lose track and eventually just
thought ‘fuck it’ and shrugged to himself. “In the city. To get some peace.
Just had the meeting with Honda. The final one, I imagine, I may ever have.”
“Ok. All ok?”
“If you mean, does Dani have a job? Then yeah.”
“Good…thank you…”
Why are you thanking me?! “Er…no problem? Anyway, it’s two stones further away
from the door. I’ll see you later?”
“Thanks. Yeah, I’m sure.”
They disconnected and Jorge studied the clock for a few seconds longer before a
waiter appeared with his food and nodded at him as the Yamaha rider did the
same.
That’s what it is.
He took a forkful of salad and nodded to himself.
We disagree. But I think we now understand why.
*
Nicky knocked on the door a few times before being about to give up and leave
when it opened a crack and a blue eye stared out at him.
“Oh, is you!”
The door was flung open to reveal his shirtless, grinning teammate. “Yeah, it’s
me. You didn’t answer when they called…you ok?”
The Italian nodded and stretched, Nicky averting his eyes from the elongating
skin of the turtle tattoo and feeling himself blush slightly. That never
happened when I thought he was straight.
“Yes. I am ok. Very tired. Not enough sleep. So I come here for some peace.”
“You wanna sleep some more? I can come back…”
“No, I think now is enough. Come in and I put on more clothes and we go for a
drink, yes?”
Nicky nodded and smiled, following him inside, before thinking through why he
was here and not there in Dani’s house. “So you’re not staying with Dani?”
Vale nodded as he pulled on a t shirt. “Yeah, everybody stay with Dani. But I
not sleep between when I get Dani and when I take him back to see Marc. So I
come here for some peace.”
Nicky followed the words, nodding, wondering what all of that meant, before
realising the key bit of information was ‘everybody’. “Wait…everybody’s staying
with Dani? Who’s everybody?”
“Ah. Ok…everybody is me, Dani, Marc’s brother, Polyccio Espargaro and Jorge.
Polyccio is the boyfriend of Alex. Marc’s brother. Shhh.”
The American stared at him for a few seconds before slowly nodding. Oh, of
course. Full house. “That sounds fun.”
“No, is not so much fun. But is ok. Marc is home tomorrow, I think.” He was
done getting dressed and grabbed his key card from the table. “Ok. I know is
early, but drink, yes?”
“Yes.”
*
He was just paying and about to leave when the flash of red reappeared in
reception and he stopped to see if it was the Ducati rider again, feeling a
strange mixture of dread and happiness when he saw that yes, it was. With
company.
He watched them walk towards the door and then come through it, make eye
contact and surprised expressions, and then take the seats next to him he had
apparently offered in the intervening few seconds.
“So when you say ‘in the city’ you mean you stalk me, eh?”
Jorge rolled his eyes and smiled at the Italian as he shook Nicky’s hand,
realising that was why the conversation was English. And possibly limited in
other ways, depending on what he already seemed to know.
“Not stalk you. I think you stalk me.”
“And I win again, eh?” Vale smiled at him and their eyes met for a second as he
grinned and raised an eyebrow, a very slight sharp intake of breath from Nicky
filling the silence.
Ah. He doesn’t know… The Mallorcan raised an eyebrow in return before smiling
into his drink and knowingly shaking his head slightly. He doesn’t know? Know
what?
Valentino nodded at him before turning to the bar and nodding at the waiter to
get his attention, ordering the three of them a drink before turning back to
ask Nicky about his journey.
He doesn’t know that he’s joking. Mostly.
The drinks were put on the table and Jorge replaced his empty glass with a full
one, impressed he’d received something non-alcoholic and that there’d been some
thought behind the choice, even so far as having noted that he’d used up his
legal quota of alcohol.
Or that I’m laughing. Mostly.
*
“Helloooo…”
Dani sighed and prepared himself for another full minute of the chat from some
bar, somewhere, for some reason involving Nicky Hayden, Jorge and Valentino.
And they’re actually getting along…
“Hellooooo! HELLO.”
Fucking pocket dialing. He yelled one more time before deciding that enough was
enough and he’d just have to wait, before realising that he might actually not
even have to ask to find out what he wanted to know, the conversation on the
other end of the line finally meandering back from women and changing to Honda.
He listened and nodded, wondering to himself slightly why Nicky sounded like he
knew what was going on, and did find out what he wanted to know, feeling relief
flood through him. Done. Dealt with.
He was about to cancel the call and give up when they sounded like they were
getting up and there were some muffled movements, followed by a few expletives
and the sound of the phone finally being pulled out of wherever it had been
hiding.
“Dani! Thank God it’s you.”
“Er..hi. Thanks. I get that a lot.”
“You know what I mean. It could have been…someone else. How long have I been
calling you?!”
“3 or 4 minutes.”
“Fuck. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry. I heard what I wanted to know, anyway. Is Nicky there?!”
“Yeah. Vale- well, yeah. He got bored in Italy and he can’t go back home until
after an event they have in a few days.”
“Ah, ok. Where are you?”
“Bar in the Swissôtel.”
“Right. Ok. Are you coming past soon? To pick me up?”
“Yeah. Me and Valentino are, anyway. We’ll get you in about 20 minutes? And
then Alex and Pol.”
“Great. Thanks. Where are they?”
“Karting? I dropped them off this morning.”
Wow. His mind wandered back over the possibility of the Mallorcan and the
Italian not having turned up to help, and he felt a fresh wave of gratitude hit
him. You, drop the kids off and blackmail my employer. You, be my taxi driver
and cigar supplier. And much more. “Thanks. Ok, sounds like a plan. It’s going
to make a good picture…”
“Photographers still there, then?”
“Yeah.”
“Told you.”
“Yeah, fine. You were right. See you in a bit.”
“Ok. Say hi to Marc for me…?”
Dani pulled the phone away from his ear and hit ‘speaker’ before pushing the
door open slightly and holding it up. “Repeat that…you’re on speaker.”
“Hi Marc! Hope you’re ok…”
The Cervera native looked up and smiled, puzzled, before realising what was
happening and grinning. “Hi…Yeah I’m ok thanks. Sorry about that really rude
text message from my phone..” He stuck his tongue out at Dani and smiled as the
HRC rider went slightly red.
“I knew it wasn’t you, don’t worry. He was too obvious. And…we’re at the car
now, so I’ll talk to you later. And see you tomorrow…? Bye bye…!”
Dani cancelled the call and narrowed his eyes at the younger rider, trying to
cover the elevated heart rate that had hit him when he’d realised that he’d put
it on speaker with Valentino on the other end of the line. “Thank you for
that...”
“No problem.” Marc grinned. “Can you fetch coffee before you leave, please?”
“Oh, yes! Let me run and get it for you, madam.”
“Pfff.” Marc pouted at him as he walked back across the room towards the bed,
intensity of it failing as the HRC rider got closer. “Please…?”
Dani nodded and leaned in gently for a kiss, the pain of the impact on Marc’s
head last time he’d misjudged it slightly still fresh in his mind. “Yeah,
course. While I’m there, do you want anything else?”
The Moto2 rider shook his head and winced, again. “OW. No, thanks. But tomorrow
I would like a well-rested boyfriend coming to pick me up and take me home. And
heal me. Quickly.”
“I’ll try my best…”
“That’s usually world class, so that will work.”
Dani smiled at him and nodded, running a finger down the younger rider’s
jawline and smiling as Marc pretended to try and bite it, before wincing again.
“Fuuuuuck.” The pout came back and he looked up at Dani with big, round eyes.
“Owwwwwww.”
“Well you can’t still be surprised, at least…is that the 25th time or 26th?”
“True.” The Catalunya Caixa rider locked eyes with him again and smiled.
“Although some things will always be a surprise. A nice surprise.” He lifted
Dani’s hand to his lips and kissed it. “Now please, relax tonight. I’m fine.”
“I know.” Mostly.
“Good.”
They stared at each other, smiling for a few seconds of comfortable silence
before Marc cleared his throat and made a little ‘eek’.
“Er…coffee?”
Dani rolled his eyes and nodded. “Right! Doing it now…”
Marc watched him go and took a deep breath, suddenly again feeling that same
feeling from Sitges of oh my God Dani Pedrosa is in love with me! Arghh! and
smiling to himself.
“Actually!” He yelled and heard the footsteps stop a few paces from the door,
outside in the corridor. “CHOCOLATE TOO, PLEASE. NOT WHITE.”
The footsteps started again and a muffled “racist!” echoed back down the
hallway to him, before he heard Dani cough and say to somebody else “oh, God,
not you! Sorry! Not you!” and laughed to himself, wincing without regret.
And I am in love with Dani Pedrosa.
***** The 5 Point Palm-Exploding Heart Technique *****
Chapter Notes
     So, the title and the quote about the mamba is from the movies you'll
     find they're watching, just in case I seem crazy ;)
     Sorry it's been a while again, but it's twice as long as a normal
     update?? :D I tried....
     Some of the VR 'speech' is inspired by something else I've been
     watching ;) but I did seriously 'Doctor' it haha so I'm not adding a
     footnote ;)
     Other than that: Thank You For Reading. <3 I hope you're still with
     me here, on Chapter 55 ;) <3
The night was strange, Dani and Valentino eventually cooking pasta once they
saw past Jorge’s bravado and realised that letting him in the kitchen was a
catastrophe waiting to happen, and serving it to ‘the kids’, who to be fair
hadn’t been acting like it at all, and Dani had realised something completely
weird once they were all sat down and eating.
He’s younger than Pol.
He’d been staring at the Granollers native and trying not to be too obvious
about it, wondering what the story was, wondering why he was suddenly
interested in Alex, wondering if that was true, wondering if it had anything to
do with his similarity to Marc, wondering how much that moment between him and
his boyfriend’s brother had meant. Although he doesn’t act like it. Marc is
young, and he’s an idiot a lot of the time. But in those moments where it
matters, he picks himself up and dusts himself off and goes over to the team to
build the bridges. Usually. And that is a big difference. He’s just…different.
He caught Valentino’s eye and smiled at him, reading the Italian’s complete
recognition of what he was thinking and shrugging at him slightly. An idiot a
lot of the time. Like you. Although some people would call it having fun.
They made it to the end of the food and Dani watched Alex give a pantomime yawn
and did a little countdown in his head to what he knew was coming. 3, 2, 1…
“I’m tired. We should go to bed…”
Valentino shared another look with Dani and then stared at the youngest rider.
“Yeah. Tired…”
“Yeah, me too…” Pol got to his feet and followed Alex out the room, both of
them ignoring the rolled eyes and laughter that started very quiet and then let
itself go once they’d gone.
“How long do you think? Before the noise?” Jorge grabbed the plates that were
no longer being used and took them over to the sink. “5 minutes? 3?”
“I think at least 2…”
“I agree.” Dani studied the two of them and smiled to himself again, Jorge
catching the end of the expression and frowning at him as if to ask why. Dani
just smiled again and shook his head. Just…you’re almost getting along. And you
started doing it, at least at first, for me.
The Mallorcan yawned and stretched both hands towards the ceiling before
pulling out his phone. “Ok…I’m going to call Ricky. Then I think I’m going to
go to bed…” He looked at Valentino and raised an eyebrow. “Better soundtrack up
there, right?”
The Ducati rider laughed and nodded. “Always learning.”
“Yes. You guys still be up when I get back?”
They both nodded and watched him go, the silence becoming more awkward but more
natural at the same time.
“Did you sleep? At the hospital?”
Dani nodded and smiled. “I did. Did you sleep today? How did you end up at the
hotel?”
“I…went to get some sleep. A few hours anyway. Then Nicky turned up, and Jorge
had that meeting…so it turned out quite fun.”
Dani frowned at the way he’d said ‘a few hours anyway’ and looked back up at
him. “Did you not sleep on the sofa?”
Vale shook his head and smiled at him, a mixture of affection, slight sadness
and the recognition of naiveté. “Well…no?”
“No?”
“Put it this way.” The Italian got to his feet and stretched. “Why waste one of
the best moments of your life by sleeping through it?”
Dani closed his eyes for a second and nodded, ready to try and say something
that might do something about the swirl of emotions in his chest and in Vale’s
eyes, before opening them again and finding the Italian gone. You’re not
joking. His mind wandered back over the feeling of being curled up with him
when something else filtered through to his brain and suddenly clicked as a
memory rather than a dream.
I love you….wake up….
The HRC rider sighed and followed him back where he’d assumed he’d gone, into
the living room, and stopped in the doorway to watch him, stood looking out
over the garden and lake again, relaxed but obviously thinking a lot of things
through. I hate to do this now…
“You know, Marc’s coming back tomorrow.”
Vale half turned to him and nodded before staring back forward. “I know. I’ll
go in the morning.”
Dani nodded and sighed to himself. “Thank you. For everything.”
“Don’t.” Vale turned around and shook his head, smiling. “It’s ok. Tomorrow is
tomorrow, right?”
“I guess it is.”
“Good. So, tonight is tonight…you want to watch a movie?”
“Yeah, sounds good.” Distracting, I mean. “What do you want to watch?”
“Anything.”
“Right…” The younger rider scanned the shelves before picking up a Tarantino
box set and holding it up. “Distracting enough for you?”
Valentino grinned and nodded. “As long as it’s not Pulp Fiction. Or Jackie
Brown. Or Reservoir Dogs. Or-“
“You want Kill Bill Vol.1, right?”
The Italian grinned and nodded. “Yeah…”
“Fine.” Dani grinned at him and put the DVD in, turned back round and joined
him on the sofa, a reversal of the image of him and Marc, him fit around Vale,
before smiling to himself as the Italian’s arm curled round his shoulders and
they relaxed. For about 5 minutes, before Lorenzo walked back in.
“What are you doing?!”
They both looked up and shrugged, Dani trying to still the boom-boom-boom of
his heart and wondering if he’d actually forgotten Jorge was there, or if he’d
just not cared. Or trusted him. To not tell Marc what he was trying to promise
himself he would be telling Marc himself, at some point. “Watching Kill Bill.”
“Yeah. Er…like that?”
Dani locked eyes with him and nodded. “Yeah. Like this. Ok?”
Jorge just stared at him for a few seconds longer before shrugging in defeat
and starting towards the stairs. “Right…ok. Fine." And very, very unwise.
"Goodnight…”
“Goodnight.”
In Africa, the saying goes 'In the bush, an elephant can kill you, a leopard
can kill you, and a black mamba can kill you. But only with the mamba is death
sure'.
He kept going until he made it to the top of the stairs and then shook his
head.
Or in your case, with dishonesty.
*
They watched Vol.1, then they watched Vol.2, and then they talked for a while,
completely cut off from any of the mess and just talking about bikes and riders
and the future and Moto2 and the stuff that they found interesting. Then they
went to bed, which this time meant bed, although Dani hated himself for where
that was, because he’d directed Vale to the last spare room, and watched the
Italian walk into it and wave goodnight, before he’d gone into his en-suite
bathroom, or his and Marc’s, and stared at himself in the mirror for a few
seconds.
Last chance.
He studied the look in his eyes and decided that the need outweighed the guilt,
and found himself walking down the corridor to The Door, knocking and waiting
before Vale opened it and stared at him. He stood there and waited a few
seconds before the Italian waved him in, then walked past him out the room and
down to the bathroom, Dani getting into the bed and closing his eyes for a few
seconds, flat on his back and just trying to press ‘ignore’ on all the voices
screaming ‘no!’ in his mind.
“You avoiding your room or wanting to be in mine?”
Dani looked up and locked eyes with him. “I was hoping we’d go back to how we
were on the sofa…”
Vale smiled to himself and nodded. Right. So was I. He got into bed next to the
younger rider, both wearing too many clothes but conscious that taking them off
would be too far, feeling that warmth once again as Dani wrapped himself around
him and put his head back on his chest. Vale moulded himself into it and
pressed a kiss onto the Honda rider’s head. Maybe I should stop doing that.
Dani’s head turned into Vale’s chest and he left a long, lingering kiss there
before closing his eyes again and finally, for only the second time in two
weeks, he felt himself relax.
Vale looked down at him and took a deep breath before trying to calm his
breathing so Dani could sleep. I wish I could do that more.
*
Something had bothered him all night, subconsciously and consciously in the
moments when he woke up and found Vale still not asleep; but it was more than
just guilt, and he realised what it was when he woke up properly, finally, the
sunlight on his face, and took a deep breath. Marc. That is exactly what
happened that first night in Cervera. He blinked a few times to try and rid the
image and sighed. ‘I was hoping we’d go back to how we were on the sofa…’ Even
the kiss had been the same, although at the time, he reminded himself, that
hadn’t meant more to him than just showing affection; it had been this moment,
when they’d woken up, when Marc had kissed him and kickstarted everything.
Physically.
“You’re awake.”
Dani nodded and patted his chest. “I’m awake. Did you sleep? What time is it?”
“A bit, yeah. And it’s 6.50am.”
“Good.”
“Bit of a waste…”
“Don’t.” Dani pulled himself up onto an elbow and shook his head, eyes wide
with guilt. “I…I’m sorry.”
“Now, you don’t.” Vale smiled at him and sat up. “Wow I’m hungry.”
“Coffee?”
“That’s not a food, but yes. And you’d better go before anyone else gets up.”
Dani sighed and nodded, getting out the bed and shivering slightly. “Ok. I’ll
see you downstairs in a few minutes?”
“Yeah…” Vale grinned and shrugged. “Unless I fall asleep…”
The Honda rider nodded at him and made his way over to the door, pausing behind
it to check for any signs of other people being awake before opening it and
stepping out into the hall, just as another door opened further down and made
him freeze. Fuck. His brain caught up a millisecond later as he realised it was
Jorge and he relaxed slightly, although he wasn’t really sure, if it came down
to it, whether the Mallorcan would trust him, or tell Marc. Or genuinely remain
impartial. The Yamaha rider stopped when he saw him and Dani instinctively
pressed a finger to his lips and mimed a ‘shhh’. Jorge nodded and motioned him
to follow him downstairs, which Dani did, and they found themselves face to
face in the kitchen.
“What the fuck is going on?!”
Dani cringed and shrugged at him. “I know it looks bad…”
“No, it doesn’t. It looks awful.”
“Yes, I KNOW.” The Catalan rider clenched his jaw slightly and nodded. “I know
it does. But nothing happened; absolutely nothing. We just went to sleep.”
“Right…like on the sofa?”
Dani nodded and Jorge slapped a palm to his face. “Fuck.”
“What? Nothing happened!”
“Ok, listen to me.” The Mallorcan leaned in closer and nodded at him as he
spoke. “There is a difference between ‘nothing’ and nothing and you know that.
Marc’s coming home today.”
“Yes, I know. And don’t even dare to tell me I’ve cheated on him. He won’t like
it when I tell him but I will tell him. And I know why I did it. And I know it
was the last time. AND…Valentino is leaving today.”
Jorge stared for a few seconds before he shrugged in accepting defeat and
raised his hands slightly. “Well, fine. Whatever you say. I’m not judging
anybody. I’m just checking you know what you’re doing.”
“I think I do.”
“If that’s enough for you, fine.”
“I don’t like the way you say that.”
“I’m saying it the way I mean it.” They stared at each other for a few tense
seconds before Jorge’s face softened slightly and he sighed. “Look, I’m sorry.
I’m not trying to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. I’m not a pawn in
anything, I’m just…an observer. And I’m worried some things are clearer from
the outside.”
“Ok.” Dani nodded and smiled at him, and the actual concern on his face. “It’s
ok.” That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt… “But don’t tell Marc. Before I do.”
“I won’t.” The Mallorcan grabbed the packet of coffee from under Dani’s nose
and walked over to the machine. “Now go and change your clothes before they get
up and figure out you didn’t go to bed properly. I imagine he wants coffee
too?”
Dani stared at him before taking a deep breath and managing a smile. Maybe I
could hire one of these for the rest of my life… “Please…? Black. No sugar.”
“Right. And you?”
“Black. 2 sugars.”
Right; wrong. Black, white...“Right.” He watched Dani leave in the reflection
and stared down into the coffee grounds. Grey.
*
Alex and Pol didn’t appear before the three of them had finished eating, Jorge
and Valentino sat next to each other and sharing a newspaper, peering at it
with a frown as they tried to decipher some of the French and mostly failed,
Dani finding it one of the most ridiculously domestic things he’d ever seen.
Alex and Pol didn’t appear before Jorge disappeared outside to phone Ricky,
again, and Dani watched as Valentino texted Nicky to see if he’d pick him up,
answer: affirmative.
“I..” The HRC rider stopped and met Vale’s gaze. “I’m sorry, you know that
right?”
The Italian laughed softly to himself and shrugged. “Why now?”
“Just…for not being able to…reply…”
“Reply?”
“I remembered...how you woke me up. Before we drove to the hospital...”
“Oh.” Vale wandered over to the fridge for orange juice and poured himself a
glass, holding it up to ask Dani, receiving a shake of the head in return as
they both moved out of the kitchen and back to the full length windows
overlooking the lake. “Well…I mean it.”
I know. “You know I can’t reply to you. I care, and I alwa-“
Vale hold up a finger to shh him and shook his head.
“Don’t. Let me explain. Especially before I leave.” He took a sip and took a
deep breath. “I've been around a bit longer than you, and I've done things I'd
prefer you didn’t know about. I’ve not earned what you seem to feel you owe
me…so…don’t apologise. I don't exactly have a reputation for being someone who
loves, right? I follow my instincts, which haven't led me in the right
direction a few times. You. Ducati. A few races, a few things I’ve said. People
I’ve hurt. You. Marc. Even him.” Vale pointed out the window to where Jorge was
smiling down the phone outside, oblivious. “So I’ve made a lot of mistakes, in
which I don’t include anything with Stoner, right?” He smiled and shrugged at
Dani’s classic ‘be nice’ face. “But…there's one thing I'm sure of, and that’s
how I feel about you.”
The HRC rider closed his eyes and nodded, rubbing his hands over his face as if
trying to protect himself from the words, whether to shelter the Italian’s ego
or to deflect them from himself and stop him really having to think about it,
he didn’t know.
“Hey, look at me. Don’t get stressed.” Vale turned round fully and smiled,
walking closer to him. “I'm not asking you for anything, for once. When I say I
love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you; it has
nothing to do with me. I just love what you are, how you try, the way you just
keep getting back up…just hit reset and go again. The way you smile after
spending 10 minutes looking like a zombie in a press conference…the way you
flick your tongue out slightly when you know you’ve said something cheeky. The
way you know who I am and accept all the things that other people,” he pointed
outside again, “don’t want to accept. Because you know that I’m a good person.
In a grey area. But a good person.” He nodded at Dani and shrugged. “But maybe
that’s the problem, the fact you have accepted it. Like you said, you’ve given
up.” He grinned and laughed slightly. “Finally, we found something that made
you give up!”
“W-what?”
Vale shrugged and nodded. “Like you said, you’re not trying to fix me now. But
that means you accept me, even if it means you’re not trying to love me
anymore. You’re the only person who ever really did that. Truthfully. Obviously
there’s my friends and the people around me, they know me. But you’re
different. You met me when I was me, there’s no childhood memories in the way.
And you’re ok with it. You almost even fell in love with me; maybe you did.
Maybe you could. But I've seen the best and the worst of you and now I
understand what it means to love somebody. Because I’d be happier to walk away
from you now and know you were happy than to scheme and try and get you back.
Because you decided. And it hurts, believe me it hurts. But it’s ok.”
Dani stared at him and felt his chest getting tighter and tighter as he stared.
None of that is ok. None of it. Because…maybe I should say this out loud. He
cleared his throat slightly and swallowed to try and get rid of the lump there.
“It’s not ok.”
Vale smiled sadly at him and nodded. “It has to be.”
“If it’s ok it shouldn’t hurt.”
“Well…” The Italian laughed slightly and found himself stood right in front of
the younger rider, staring down at him. “…that would be nice if it was true.”
He put his chin gently on top of Dani’s head as he wrapped him up. “But you
spent so long wanting this to happen that part of you hasn’t really let go of
it, right?”
The Honda rider nodded into his chest and felt himself relax. “Yes.”
“I know.” Valentino pressed a kiss against his head and sighed. “I’m sorry I
spent so long fucking around.”
“It’s ok.”
“See…?” Vale pulled away slightly and stared down at him, spark of something
flickering in the expression, over the top of the sad acceptance. “It is ok, I
guess, all of it. But it still hurts.”
Dani nodded at him before leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips, the kind
that is far removed from anything sexual, and just the last gesture to
communicate how much you want to say. Vale wrapped him up again and pressed his
lips to Dani’s ear.
“You’re going to be ok. That irritating Yamaha rider has ridden in to the
rescue. The people in Marc’s team, they’ll help. Nicky helped. Casey helped.
Everybody was there when you needed them, right?”
That’s incredibly true.
“And I know Marc will make all of this fade, when he’s home. You know I don’t
know if it will work, but he’s a good kid. Interesting. And however ruthless he
is on the bike, he seems like he’s the opposite off it. You’ll be ok.” He
pulled away slightly and smiled down at him again, wanting eye contact for the
last bit. “And you know, whatever it is, you can always call me. For anything.
In the middle of the night, in the middle of the Sahara, even if you just want
to know what flavour milkshake you should choose, it’s ok. It hurts to talk to
you sometimes, but it would be much worse to not talk to you. You understand?”
Dani nodded and bit his lip to try and stay calm as he got hugged again,
hearing the door go and Jorge possibly walk back in behind them. “I understand.
Thank you.”
They let go of each other and looked up as the Mallorcan did indeed walk back
in, sensing the mood and smiling but frowning at the same time. “You ok?”
“How do I put it…” The Italian shrugged at his old teammate and smiled. “We’re
probably not ok. But it’s ok.”
Jorge studied his face, then Dani’s, and then nodded. “Ok. I think…I know what
you mean. You’re leaving?”
The Ducati rider looked at him and cocked his head slightly as if asking ‘how
did you know?!’ before there was a knock on the door and it all became clear.
“Ah. That’s Nicky.”
“I think so…” Jorge looked at Dani and frowned, trying to communicate ‘are you
ok?’ before getting a helpless little shrug and nod, lip wobbling.
“Can you give us a minute?” The HRC rider looked at Jorge and smiled. “Please?”
“Yeah, of course. Right, well…” He turned Valentino and actually held out his
hand, from free will, away from the track, because he meant it, and the Italian
shook it before pulling him in to a half hug and nodding at him. “I guess I’ll
see you in Sepang…”
“Yeah. You will…don’t forget it.” Vale grinned and raised that eyebrow again.
“Although I’m sure you won’t.”
“Yeah, I won’t.”
The Mallorcan smiled at him again and nodded as he walked away and into the
kitchen, not really needing anything from there but equally not really needing
to go upstairs and come across half naked Alex and Pol. He listened as they
opened the door to Nicky and said ‘Hi’ and then again asked for just a minute
to themselves, the door closing again as the American agreed. And then there
was complete silence for a couple of full minutes, followed by a slightly
choked ‘bye’ and the door opening and closing in quick succession. And he’s
gambled that on a 17 year old Moto2 rider. It’s Marc, but he’s still a 17 year
old Moto2 rider. He must be something very special.
Jorge looked up and caught Dani’s eye as the Honda rider walked into the
kitchen and then leant on the counter opposite him, head hung towards the floor
and long sigh escaping him. “God.”
“You ok?”
“No.” He looked up and shook his head. “Not at all.”
“Ok.” Jorge nodded at him kept the eye contact. “I can see that. What do you
want to do?”
Dani’s head fell again and he shrugged. “Either fast forward a few weeks, or
rewind a few years.”
“Or, we could call the hospital and see when to pick him up.”
There was a pause of a few seconds before Dani finally looked up and nodded,
just about managing a very genuine, grateful smile.
“Yes.” His shoulders dropped a few inches as he relaxed. “We could do that.”
*
Pending an examination that hadn’t yet started, Marc could leave whenever they
went to get him, so they decided to go as early as possible and if needed,
wait. And they did need to wait, but not too long. He’d considered going on his
own, but then if Marc needed help getting to the car, they’d be swamped and
extremely slow threw a slew of photographers, so Jorge had gone with him. Alex
and Pol stayed behind, and Dani still had absolutely no idea how to cross that
hurdle when they, shortly it seemed, got to it. So they waited, and played
stupid games that Dani was sure, somehow, they’d played at some point before
but with much more alcohol, and generally just talked about everything, and
built a few more bridges until Marc got back and grinned at them both.
“Are you here to offer me my freedom?!” He slapped Jorge on the arm before
grabbing Dani and leaving a huge, wet kiss on his lips. “Please say yes…”
“YES.” Dani stared at him and smiled wider and wider as the younger rider’s
eyes started to burn. Like they should. “We are here to take you home. BUT-“ He
grinned again as Marc opened his mouth to interrupt then stopped, “you have to
PROMISE to follow everything up when you’re meant to. Tests, questions,
anything…ok?”
“Anything.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. Anything. I will do anything if we can just leave right now.”
Dani nodded at him and turned back to Jorge. “So do you want to drive?”
“I can do…”
“Ok, so…normal rules, right? Drive up as close as you can…”
The Mallorcan nodded and smiled wickedly. “50 points for a camera, 100 for a
photographer?”
“Funny. Please don’t run into them…”
The Yamaha rider looked at Marc momentarily and paused for a split second
before obviously judging the mood to be acceptable for the joke. “I won’t.” He
pointed at the Moto2 rider and raised his eyebrows. “Tell that to him…”
Marc’s jaw fell open before he automatically punched him on the arm and
laughed, wincing again as his head moved involuntarily. “Owww. Go!” He pointed
down the corridor and narrowed his eyes as Jorge set off down it. “And I’m not
the one who got banned, before…”
Lorenzo put his hand behind his back and raised a finger at him before doing a
little Valentino-style wave-to-the-camera as he disappeared round the corner,
and they were alone again.
“So…Alex is at home?”
“He is.” Dani nodded and smiled. “And we need to talk about something else…”
“Right?”
“Are you ok? Feeling ok? I mean…not physically…”
Marc frowned and felt the suddenly serious tone, weaving a hand into Dani’s and
nodding. “Yeah…? Did something bad happen?”
“No.” Deep breath. “It’s just…the boyfriend…”
The Moto2 rider’s face clouded over with confusion as he frowned further.
“Alex’s boyfriend? Ok…”
“We’ll see.” Dani noted the expression and squeezed his hand. “We’ll see if it
is ok…” Deeper breath. “Because…it’s Pol.”
***** Bring It On Home *****
“What?!!” Marc’s mouth dropped open and his one un-patched eye widened to a
dangerous level. “POL?!”
Dani looked back at him and nodded. “Yeah…” Am I reading this right? He studied
his face and made a little ‘eek’ expression. “How do you feel about that?”
Marc let out a whoosh of air and stared at him. “What the fuck!” He put his
hands on his hips and stared at the wall behind the shorter rider. “What the
fuck is what I think about that.”
“I know.”
“I mean…POL.”
“I know…”
“But POL. God! Pol Espargaro. And my BROTHER.”
“Yes…” I think he might actually find it slightly…funny?! “I know it’s crazy.”
Marc suddenly laughed slightly and closed the eye. “It IS crazy. And slightly
funny…” He looked back at Dani and shrugged, the laugh-in-shock wearing off and
replaced with concern. “I mean…are they…how is it? How are they together? Are
they…in love? Or what?”
“I don’t know. They’re kind of sweet, sometimes. But they’ve been having a LOT
of sex.”
Marc’s face looked slightly disgusted and he recoiled a few inches. “Oh. Oh
God. That means that…that everything I’ve talked about with Alex was actually
about Pol. Urgh. It’s not funny anymore.”
This is not what I expected… “You’re taking this quite well…”
“What?” Marc looked at him like he was crazy. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…he is an ‘ex’, of yours. Not really I know, but…there is history.”
“Pfff don’t worry. I’m really fine about it, in terms of that. Pol is hot, ok?
Sorry but he is.” He stuck his tongue out at Dani and grinned at the pout in
return, suddenly moving in a lot closer and pressing his lips against his ear.
“He’s nothing like you, don’t worry.”
“I’m not jealous. I’m just worried about you.” The HRC rider pecked Marc on the
cheek as he pulled away and smiled. “But carry on…”
“Ok, Pol is hot. And I had fun with him…briefly…” His good eye winked and the
eyebrow wiggled. “But I don’t care about him. The thing that worries me is why
he’s with Alex.”
Exactly the same for me. Dani nodded at him and grabbed his hand again, putting
the bag of Marc’s stuff over his shoulder and guiding them back out towards the
door. “Yeah, I know.”
“So…what do you think? You buy it?”
“I don’t know…to be honest I think we’re about to find out. When you get
back…either he came here because he’s head over heels for your brother and he
doesn’t care and never cared about you, or he came here because…the opposite, I
guess.”
Marc suddenly stopped as they reached the main entrance and turned back to him.
“That’s probably true. But…does he really think…I don’t know…would he really
think there’s anything he could do? To change anything?!”
“What do you mean?” You mean like tell you interesting stories about me and
Valentino…? Or like fucking around with Alex? “Us? Or Alex?”
“Either.” Marc looked out through the doors and pointed to Jorge. “He’s there,
let’s go.” He set off and looked back to add one more thing before they faced
the outside. “I mean, me and you…nothing he could ever do. Me and Alex…nothing
he could do. You’re the two people that are literally untouchable.”
Dani squeezed his hand and nodded, feeling the warmth of that comment hit him
and then frost him over as he thought through the next thing he had to tell
him, at some point.
And also, Valentino just dropped by…after an international flight…
*
“Do you have to have the radio on?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I like it.”
“You’re not the only person in the car.”
“I’m the only one who’s injured.”
“That’s debatable but it’s my hire car.”
“Maybe but it’s my homecoming trip, so…”
“Homecoming trip?!”
“Yeah. So I get to choose.”
“I’m driving.”
“I noticed.”
“You’re a dick.”
“Dani! Tell him to stop!” Marc pouted and caught Dani’s eye in the mirror
before he looked across to the Mallorcan and stuck his tongue out. “You’re
mean.”
“I fucking hate this song.”
“Tough.”
“You’re a dick.”
“Sometimes. But democracy rules.”
“This isn’t a democracy, you’re obviously in charge.”
“I’m glad you finally accept that.” He noticed Jorge’s grinning shake of the
head and shrugged. “But to be fair, it is a democracy. We’re the majority.
Right, Dani?”
The HRC rider looked up again and smiled. “Oh so you do want my opinion?”
Marc narrowed his eye in the mirror and smiled. “Hey, I’m calling for back up…”
“I know…” Dani smiled at him and shrugged. “My opinion is that I also hate the
song.” Marc’s eye glared at him again. “BUT…I will suffer through anything to
defeat him…” The Honda rider pointed at Jorge and grinned at Marc’s ‘HA!’
expression. “So, go ahead.”
The Mallorcan accepted the defeat as a man and nodded in acceptance. “Ok,
fine.”
Dani and Marc grinned at each other in the mirror as he looked out the window
and bit his lip, playing the overcome with emotion card and sniffing slightly,
trying to hide the grin.
“But I would like to say that I think this is a great injustice. And I really
miss Ricky, even if sometimes alongside the Chilli Peppers we have to listen to
Beyoncé.”
*
“Ok…so…this is it, I guess. He’s in there…” Dani pointed at the door as Marc
nodded and winced. “So…you ready?”
Marc looked back at him and smiled. “I’m ready. I don’t care…I already saw him
in Cervera and it was normal. Although I do feel a bit guilty about how much I
teased him. If he’s serious about Alex…”
I’ll try and forget I heard that. “Right…well…”
They stood staring before Jorge finally huffed behind them and pushed past to
the door. “How do you always end up first into Turn 1?!” He put a hand on the
handle and nodded at them. “3, 2, 1…” He opened it and went in, calling out to
see where the younger riders were, and left Dani and Marc stood on the step
outside, Marc in front.
Maybe you’re serious. Maybe you don’t care.. The Honda rider stepped forward
and laced his fingers through Marc’s. But just in case… He felt his hand
squeezed in return and they both walked in together, footsteps coming down the
stairs announcing the arrival of Alex and/or Pol. Here we go…
It was Alex, and he ran over and hugged Marc, enthusiastically but gently,
taking care not to hit his head, before standing back in front of him and
beaming. “You’re back!”
Marc grinned back and nodded carefully. “You miss me?”
“Yes.” He hugged him again and smiled. “Yes.” Alex nodded and then started
biting his lips nervously as more footsteps sounded, taking a deep breath.
“And…there’s some-“
“Dani already told me.”
“Right.”
They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Pol appeared at the
bottom of the stairs and they both turned to look at him. And Dani noticed, as
he was sure Marc noticed, who their Catalan rival was staring at, before he
caught himself.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” Marc smiled casually at him and then turned back to make eye contact with
Dani. He looked at me…
The older rider nodded at him and looked back at Pol. “Everything ok?”
The Pons rider fidgeted nervously and nodded, another glance directed at Marc.
“I don’t know, is it?”
“Yeah, it’s fine…” The Catalunya Caixa rider smiled back at him, a little bit
more veneer than before, and turned to Dani again. “I’m a lot better.”
“Good.” Pol kept his eyes trained on Marc and smiled, no veneer at all. “So
you’re all fixed?”
“Yeah, should be.”
“Good.”
They stared at each other a couple of seconds longer, Marc watching as the
other Catalan rider started to feel the strangeness of it, started to realise
it had been too long and that he couldn’t look away. “Well…” Marc broke the eye
contact with ease and looked back at Dani. “I’m going to go and lie down for a
while. You coming?”
“Yeah.”
He followed the younger rider up the stairs and tried to shut out the sound of
Pol and Alex start to bicker slightly about whether that had been weird or not,
something of the moment obviously getting through to Marc’s brother. Once they
were in the bedroom, Dani shut the door and turned back to him.
“He looked at you first.”
“Yeah, he did.” Marc sat on the bed and sighed. “Does that mean anything? I
mean, I was looking at him. And-“
“No, he was staring at you. Really staring. And really, really seemed invested
in whether you were ok.”
“Fuck.” He sighed again and lay down on his side of the bed, not too gently but
obviously finding it difficult. “That’s what I thought. But why would he be so
different to Cervera?”
“Well…was he? I mean…I wasn’t there so I don’t know.”
“Yeah…in the restaurant, it was normal. Or I thought it was. Maybe we should
ask Jorge…I didn’t really have my ‘is Pol Espargaró in love with me’ radar
turned on, I was caught up in goodbyes and fun and then the impending
meltdown.”
“I know. Maybe we should ask Jorge. Because…I don’t know. Maybe it’s because
you’re here and Alex is. So everything seems different, but…”
“But shouldn’t that make him make extra effort to ignore me?”
“Exactly. Or it should just naturally happen that way…”
“Should…”
“Should.”
Marc pulled his phone out his pocket and typed out a message that could then be
heard to ping downstairs in the kitchen, Dani frowning at him in amusement.
“You’re texting Jorge to ask.”
“Yeah?”
“He’s in the same house.”
“And I’m comfy and injured…” Marc pouted and grinned. “This is modern life,
granddad.”
Dani rolled his eyes before getting onto the bed next to him. “You know that’s
only fun if I’m allowed to punish you.”
Marc smiled at him and the one eye sparkled back over the pillow. “I know…but
that’s out of bounds for a while. Because of the head injuries, and also…the
noise.” He laughed wickedly and smiled even wider as Dani picked up his hand
and kissed the back of it.
“I know. That wasn’t a hint.” He mirrored Marc’s new pose lying on his back and
staring at the ceiling, before turning his head to look at him. “And I bet you
Jorge will not reply to that message without complaining about your so-called
‘modern life’.”
Marc opened his mouth to reply before his phone buzzed and he smiled before
holding it up for Dani to read.
Jorge: Are you seriously texting me in the same house?!
“Told you.”
Marc: :P I’m immobilised…come upstairs? We’re waiting for you in the bedroom…
;)
The faint ping sounded from downstairs again before footsteps came up towards
them and there was a knock on the door.
“Come in…”
The Mallorcan popped his head around the door and frowned at them. “Yeah?”
“Did you not read the message?”
“Yeah, but I don’t know what ‘Was Pol weird before?’ means.”
Marc laughed and shrugged. “Maybe I didn’t explain very well.” He frowned at
the Mallorcan hovering in the doorway and beckoned him in. “Come in, we’re not
contagious…?”
Jorge stepped inside awkwardly and shut the door behind himself, turning back
to them and waiting.
“Are you freaked out that we’re in the bed? Because we do have clothes on.”
The Yamaha rider shrugged slightly and moved his weight from one foot to the
other. “I know, it just feels…private.”
Dani smiled at him and shook his head. “Well it is. The conversation. So coming
within a couple of metres of us might help.”
Jorge nodded and walked over to the bed, perching on it next to Marc and
looking down at him like a wartime nurse. Marc giggled slightly before grabbing
his hand and looking up into his eyes.
“I’ve been waiting so long for you to visit me on my death bed…”
The Mallorcan grabbed his hand back and laughed, going slightly red before
frowning and shaking his head. “No. Don’t.”
“Sorry…” Marc smiled and looked at Dani, enjoying the discomfort. “Anyway…I
want to ask you about Cervera. In the restaurant. Obviously we were joking
around about me and Pol, and then I know I teased him a bit once they arrived,
but…was he being weird, did you think? Because I didn’t notice anything and
we’re trying to figure out whether he’s here because he wants my brother or
because he’s trying to make my brother a secondary me.”
“Oh.” Jorge frowned to himself and made that ‘I’m wracking my brain’ face. “I’m
not sure. I’ve never seen you together before…but…I think maybe a bit. You were
joking, and he was too, but…I think, knowing the history…his smile maybe wasn’t
as natural as yours.”
Dani could see it coming far before Jorge and grinned to himself as Marc took
the Mallorcan’s hand again and his face filled with pantomime emotion. “You
like my smile?”
“Stop it!” He pulled his hand free again and then got to his feet. “I’m trying
to help. Did you hear what I said?”
“Yes. My ears work fine.” Marc narrowed his good eye before sighing. “Well
that’s not good.”
“You really think that could be a reason for this?” Jorge looked down at them
each in turn and shrugged. “Honestly?”
The two riders in the bed looked at each other before looking back up and
nodding in sync.
“Yeah.”
“Fuck.”
“I know….” Marc stared up at the ceiling again and sighed. “I guess we just
need to wait and see what happens. Keep an eye on him.”
Dani and Jorge looked at each other, both realising the ‘keep an eye on him’
joke opportunity with the eye patch, before Marc finally caught it and grinned
at each of them in turn.
“Oh haha! Keep an eye on him…?”
Another look, before Jorge turned and walked back to the door. “Yes, we got
that a while before you.”
“Oh.”
“It’s ok, I’m sure one day you’ll overtake us…” The Mallorcan smiled and
shrugged at Dani's look. “And I’m going to make lunch. Salad. Want anything?”
The HRC smiled at him and felt that familiar feeling of being really quite
lucky that Dani Amatriaían and Jorge had imploded. “That would be amazing.”
“And it would be even more amazing if you brought it up here…” Marc grinned at
the huff from the Yamaha rider and shrugged. “I’m too weak…”
“Yeah. I’m sure.” Jorge opened the door and leaned round it for one last
comment. “But if I come back here with food and haven’t burnt anything down, I
want tips.” He shut the door behind himself as he left before pausing as Marc
yelled something else from the bed.
“Ok! I have dollar bills so wear your laciest panties!”
The Moto2 rider turned to Dani as the footsteps receded downstairs again,
running a finger down the line of his jaw and smiling. "It's good to be home."
Dani closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against Marc's for a
long, slow kiss. "Believe me, I know. It's just in time to stop me losing my
mind."
Marc smiled at him again, faces now much closer together, and gratefully
snuggled himself against the older rider as he put an arm around him.
"I guess we're one all on that score then."
***** The Right Way Round *****
Chapter Notes
     So I'm not doing too bad with updating, right? :)
     <3
They spent the afternoon in bed, not doing anything, Marc propped up on pillows
so he could see the TV with his good eye, eye patch and bandages the other side
of his face to the one Dani was sat next to, a strange Harvey Dent feeling
created everytime the younger rider turned and smiled at him, which was a lot.
Jorge made lunch and delivered it, and announced he was going home that day
after. Honda was sorted, Valentino was gone, not that he admitted that had
anything to do with it, and Alex and Pol were ok. And Marc, although fragile,
didn’t need more help than Dani could manage. And should manage. The Yamaha
rider looked at Dani as he said the last reason that he was willing to say out
loud.
“And I think you could do with some privacy. Heal…everything.”
Ah. To talk about that thing I’ve not mentioned yet. And hopefully that second
thing, yes. “What time?”
“Morning flight.”
*
“Hey.”
Dani turned round from his peering into the fridge and smiled. “Hey. Where did
you guys go?”
“Lake.”
“Ah, ok.” Dani offered the younger Márquez a beer and shrugged as he declined.
“Sorry we’re being anti-social. It’s just nice to have him home.”
“I know.” Alex smiled at him and nodded. “I’m so relieved everything went ok.
And I called my parents to update them. They, er…weren’t very happy about how
much I’d told them not to come. But they spoke to Marc in the hospital a couple
of times, so I think it’s ok.”
“Oh he didn’t tell me that. That’s good…I feel bad about them not being here.
But…I don’t know…I think it was for the best? There were enough people here.”
“True. And I agree. I can’t deal with them at the moment, Marc can’t deal with
them, they can’t really deal with you, and my mum has a problem with Jorge
Lorenzo, I think.”
Dani laughed at him and shrugged. “The first encounter is rough, you know? It
gets easier.”
Alex grinned at him and nodded. “True. He…I don’t know. I really like him. I
mean…I’m still a fan of you…but he helped a lot. Me and…everyone, I guess.”
“He helped you?”
“Yeah.” Alex nodded again and walked further into the kitchen, leaning on the
other side of the central island unit, opposite Dani. “Talking about Marc, and
the reactions at my house…he said it was Marc’s decision, but they didn’t want
to let go because they didn’t want him to get hurt. And he also said that they
didn’t have to worry anyway, because it was you.”
Wow. Ok… “Right…because it was me?”
“Yeah. He said…what did he say? I think…something like ‘even if it doesn’t
work, Marc can get up again and recover. But that with you, he will never have
to.”
I fucking hope that’s true. “Wow. Ok…that’s…” Is there a word? “…having faith.”
“I guess it is. He’s…different to how I imagined.”
“That makes two of us. Maybe even Valentino. And Marc…and everyone else,
really. He’s just…I don’t know. He doesn’t make life easy for himself. It’s
only really Casey that liked him straight away.”
Alex laughed slightly and nodded. “Do we make life easy?” He raised an eyebrow
and smiled at the expression it created on Dani’s face. “I’m not being mean,
it’s just…nobody here seems to make life easy for themselves. Except maybe
Marc. Marc’s good with that.”
“True. He is.” Not medically though. And Valentino is. But in a very different
way.
“Anyway…I wanted to say I think we’re going home tomorrow, too.”
Dani stopped mid-sip and put his beer bottle back down. “Oh?”
Alex shrugged and nodded at him. “I think…it might be a good idea.”
I agree. Why do you think that…? “Ok…” Dani watched and frowned as the emotions
on Alex’s face bled into each other, wondering how him and Marc could be so
similar in so many ways and yet he couldn’t see any of Marc’s reactions in him.
“Why?”
“Because…” Alex broke the eye contact and shrugged. “I think this was a bad
idea.”
It kinda was, but why do you think that? “What was?” Coming here? Leaving your
parents? Bringing Pol? Pol in general?
“I mean, we didn’t know when we planned it. I thought about not coming when
Jorge told us what had happened, but…I wanted to come, obviously, and I
couldn’t just make Pol go home.”
“I think you coming was good.”
“Good. Me too. But I don’t know about Pol.”
Dani sighed and nodded at him. “It’s awkward.”
“Is it?”
Maybe you didn’t mean that… “I just mean…the history…”
“I know.” Alex sighed and put his hands palm down on the counter. “I thought it
might be…a test. Kind of.”
“What?”
“I don’t know...It’s just…Pol..” Alex looked to the ceiling and Dani had to
look twice to not see Marc doing the same thing, superimposed. “…I don’t know.
When it’s just me and him, it’s fine. We work, really well. But…” He shrugged
and trailed off. “But.”
“But?”
“I didn’t think it would be like this.” He looked at Dani and his shoulders
fell. “I didn’t think…I don’t know. I didn’t think anyone would care about
anything else. Me and Pol, you and Marc. Everybody should be happy, right?”
“You’re not happy?”
Alex locked eyes with him and shrugged. “Are you?”
“Yes. Or I will be.”
“When you’ve forgotten about Valentino? Or…?”
Dani stared at him and slowly shook his head, wondering whether he was reading
the expression right, as ‘wow I said it’ rather than ‘wow he’s not very quick
to answer’. “No, I’ll never forget about Valentino. You’ll have that person
that you never forget, too. But not forgetting and moving on are different.” I
think. “I love your brother, and I won’t forget him either. But because I won’t
need to.”
Alex nodded and shrugged, then smiled at him; acceptingly, sadly, regretfully
as he took a deep breath and Dani suddenly realised what the problem was.
Ohhhh, fuuuucckk.
The HRC rider’s blood ran colder and colder until finally everything went hot
instead, and he looked back at Alex and wondered if the look he was getting in
return was the same one of realisation that he was giving.
Finally Alex managed to shrug again and nodded at him. “Well…yeah. I don’t
doubt that.”
What do I say now? “I…I think it will turn out ok…”
Alex stood up straight again and put his hands in his pockets. “You do, huh?”
“I do. Me and Marc will be ok. And you’ll …get over…it?” He took a deep breath
and tried to keep it going. “Ok? You’ll be ok too.”
“Hmm. And Valentino and Pol?”
“You can’t worry about everybody.”
“Just ourselves...”
“No.” Dani smiled and shook his head. “Not just ourselves. About the people we
love.”
Right. “And if that’s pointless?”
“It’s never pointless. If you love somebody, you want them to be happy.
Hopefully that’s with you, but if it’s not it shouldn’t make you bitter. It
just hurts, for a while. I know.”
I know. “It’s already been a while.” Alex kept his eyes locked on Dani’s and
nodded. “A long while.”
I’ve just realised that. “Maybe it will just need a while longer.”
Alex nodded at him again, sadly, acknowledging what he was saying and shrugging
before taking a deep breath. “Ok.”
He lies more convincingly than you. “You will be ok. I promise.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Alex nodded and pushed himself off slightly with his hands before turning
around and walking out, that promise seeming to be enough for the moment. Dani
watched him go and leant against the kitchen counter, taking a deep breath.
Fuck. I didn’t handle that well. He sighed again before coughing and trying to
put it right. Or a bit more right.
“Alex?!”
There were a few approaching footsteps before younger rider popped his head
back round the door, eyes eager and scared at the same time. “Yeah?”
“You can’t put yourself second, that’s not what I meant. Don’t put yourself
first either, but don’t think you’re less important because you’re worried you
might be the one in the wrong…Not with him. That’s the test, I think. When you
find the person you put first without thinking a second about it, without doing
it just to make yourself feel better.”
Alex nodded, more thoughtful, and the moment before of Dani watching him go and
then leaning on the counter repeated itself, the HRC rider only looking up
again as Jorge walked in. The Yamaha rider frowned at his face as he walked
past to get himself a beer. “Ok?”
“No.”
“Not again…?!” The Mallorcan pulled the top off the bottle and took a swig.
“What now?”
“It’s ok. I’m fine. For once.” He smiled and shrugged. “Complicated…”
“I sense you’re done sharing all the details of your life with me.”
“Maybe a bit.” Especially when they’re not my details.
“Ok. I understand.” He nodded and walked back towards the door, pausing at the
door before he left. “They’re going tomorrow too, right? I’ll check what time
and see if they want a ride.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s ok.” He took another swig and then looked back at the Catalan rider. “Are
you done sharing all the details of your life with Marc?”
Dani sighed and shook his head. “No. I will, like I said.” He shook his head at
the slightly doubting expression on the Yamaha rider’s face. “But like you
said, that should be done in private.”
Jorge nodded and leaned against the doorframe. “Ok. Sounds like a good idea.
Contain the blast.”
“Oh, thanks.” Dani felt the first flash of anger and annoyance at the Mallorcan
in some time hit him full force. “That helps a lot.”
“Sorry.” Jorge and winced and shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You did.” Dani sighed. “And you’re right.”
The Yamaha rider stared at him for a couple of seconds and then shrugged.
“Well, maybe. But I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry.”
Here’s the point where I say ‘sorry doesn’t change the fact you did it’. “It’s
ok.” Or I should say that. To rehearse Marc’s lines for tomorrow; the ones that
may be directed at me. “Everyone makes mistakes…”
“Grey areas.” He smiled and nodded. “You’ll be ok. If you’re honest.”
“I know.” Dani took a deep breath and smiled at him, surprised at how little
effort that took, still, and raising the bottle in a cheers. “I think.”
“You know, that’s you. Right there.”
“What?”
“That’s you. You ultimately have faith, even when you’re drowning yourself in
doubt. You keep swimming.”
Dani stared at him; impressed, irritated and flustered, and shrugged. “Right…”
“I’m saying that because the important part is the last bit, right?”
“Right. So your winning secret is to take out the middle bit?”
The Mallorcan grinned at him and shook his head. “No. That’s not my recipe.”
“Ok. What’s yours?”
“I don’t know. It’s easier to judge from the outside.”
“Ok. What about Marc’s?”
“Hmm. Maybe belief… ruthlessness… and risk.”
“Is belief different to faith?”
“I think it is, yeah.”
“Ok." Really? "What about Valentino?”
“Ruthlessness. Risk. Belief.”
“Same as Marc…”
“No." Jorge shook his head and raised his eyebrows. "Different order. Makes a
big difference.” He then raised his bottle as Dani had done to him, before
disappearing back out the door. “And Marc’s the right way round.”
*
“Alone, at last.” Dani walked back into the bedroom and sat on the side of the
bed as Jorge had done the day before, squinting slightly into the sun and not
pulling his hand away as the Mallorcan had done as Marc wove his fingers
through his. “If you know what I mean.”
“I do.” Marc smiled and sighed contentedly as he shifted in the pillows
slightly and got his hand squeezed. “I want more Alex, but I definitely want
less Pol. And a bit less Jorge.”
“I know.” Dani smiled and nodded. “I know what you mean.”
“I know you do.”
“Good.” Dani got back to his feet and smiled at the ridiculously heart-warming
expression that he got in return, leaning down to kiss Marc gently on the
forehead and shake his head. “I’m going round the other side of the bed, not
leaving.”
“Oh.” The Moto2 rider beamed at him and tracked his progress until he was lying
next to him. “Good.”
Tell him you need to talk about something. “So what do you want to watch
today?”
“Anything. Although when I say that I mean romantic comedies.”
Tell him you have something to say. “Again?!”
“Hey. For a start, any heterosexual-centric gay jokes aren’t going to work, are
they?”
Dani laughed and shook his head. “Maybe a bit pointless..”
“Exactly. And I feel plenty manly enough when I’m grinding my knee on the floor
around a corner.” He winked at Dani with his good eye and grinned. “And…that
moment. We’ve not had it that many times yet. But that moment where it stops
being you holding on to me, and it becomes us holding on to each other. You
know?”
Dani stared at him and felt a slight lump in his throat. I do. And I so need
that. When I tell you. Later. Not now. And not physically. “Yeah?”
“That moment where I sometimes bite your shoulder.” Marc grinned wickedly and
pulled Dani’s collar to take a look. “Yeah. There, you see. That moment. That’s
pretty manly.”
“That’s not manly, it’s just…human-ly. And that is in no way a complaint.”
“Pff. Ok. To be honest it’s maybe more animal…ly.”
Dani smiled at him and nodded. “Maybe a bit. But I think it’s my favourite
moment in the world.”
“Awwwww.” Marc pinched his cheek and smiled. “You’re sweet. But the best moment
in the world is the whole thing. No…actually…it’s the moment when you stare at
me and then kiss me. One last time. Before we go to sleep.”
Dani smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I think you win.” He leaned in and tried to
replicate it in daylight, doing a reasonable job, and leaving them close
together and just staring. I need to tell you something. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Dani nodded and took a deep breath. “I know.” He kissed him on the tip of the
nose and moved so he was the perfect shape for Marc to wrap himself around,
careful to avoid the other side of the younger rider’s head with his arm.
Later. Or tomorrow.
“So…romantic comedies…”
***** Permíteme soñar *****
Chapter Notes
     Guys I'm so sorry it's been like years! I've got a lot done though so
     hopefully it won't be that bad again ;)
     Should be moving along at a good rate of knots for a while now ;)!!
     Enjoy...?? :D thanks for reading!
He hadn’t told him. Partly because he didn’t want to create problems when he
was, brave face or not, still in pain. He’d seen him staring into the bathroom
mirror, not aware Dani was there, looking terrified. They weren’t sleeping
wrapped up in each other either, because they’d found out the first night they
tried that no matter how many times they switched so Marc was further up the
pillow, by an hour later he’d wake up snuggled into Dani and in serious pain,
so they were a foot apart, but the Moto2 rider would not let go of Dani’s hand.
It obviously hurt quite a lot. And so that was, principally, the reason he
hadn’t told him.
Or so he was making himself believe.
The other reason, and, Dani knew, more of the reality of the situation, was
that Marc had zero interest in the press, Twitter or the Internet in general
and so wouldn’t find out as long as that was true. The Moto2 rider wanted to
lie in bed and watch movies or sit in the garden and have Dani read to him like
a 19th Century princess. Or anything where he didn’t have to move, which he
wasn’t allowed to do a lot for a while. The only prerequisite was that Dani had
to be there, and he was. And he was feeling a lot less guilty, because he had,
he rationalised, just had a long hug from a friend. The fact that that hug had
been hours and the friend had been ex-love of his life Valentino Rossi didn’t
matter. Much.
The healing process was going well, though. Although Marc was still bandaged
up, eye patch on, every morning he woke up happier and wincing less at having,
again, slept on the wrong side of his head. So it was good, and Dani was slowly
starting to feel all the stress melt away, remembering the feeling from the
pool in Sitges, the pure wonder at the idea of actually spending every day for
the rest of his life with Marc, and he was sat opposite him at the table eating
staring at him with an expression that said all of that as Marc crunched his
way through his breakfast cereal and then eventually looked up and glared,
mouth full.
“What?”
“You know what.”
“Mno-mm..I mmdomnn’t.”
“Swallow.”
Marc did and then raised an eyebrow. “Heard that before…”
Dani grinned at him and nodded. “Could see that one coming.” He smiled at the
look on Marc’s face and shook his head before he could make that joke. “No.
Stop. Just…you. I love you. Lots. Sometimes it’s nice to just enjoy that
feeling for a while.”
Marc smiled back at him and blushed slightly under the gaze, cheek replaced by
something more genuine. “Oh.”
“And I think we should go away for Christmas.”
“Go away? Where?”
“I don’t know. Just…somewhere else. Get some space. Although you’re maybe
thinking ‘first Christmas living together should be at home…’?”
Marc shook his head and then smiled at the fact he hadn’t winced. “No. It’s
just that it’s next week.”
“Fuck. Really?!”
“Yeah. Next week. So…I’m fine and that would be amazing, but to be blunt…I
haven’t talked to my parents about money. So, I have none.”
Ah, ok. “Well…?”
“Well?”
“Did they put your head back together right?!” The HRC rider shrugged at him
and grinned. “I don’t care, what’s mine is yours.”
Marc took a little breath and then nodded. “Ok. Thanks…?”
“No, no ‘thanks’. It’s not even a thing. Like here, it’s your house as much as
it is mine. If you want I’ll put your name on the deeds? And on my bank
account?”
Marc’s jaw fell open slightly. “You think that’s a good idea?!”
“What?!” Dani laughed and frowned at him. “What do you mean?!”
“Ok so I love you and I am fine with that the other way around, but…you’re
responsible.” Marc giggled and shrugged. “Not in a bad way…but you have common
sense.”
“Ok.” Dani laughed at the look on his face and then felt the irony as the
younger rider took his empty cup over to the sink for him. “I know what you
mean in a way, but you’re not Paris Hilton.”
“True.”
“You’re so much prettier.”
“Pfff stop. Too much niceness early in the morning.” The Moto2 rider pressed a
kiss to the back of Dani’s head on his journey back from the sink. “But…I don’t
know. I don’t have a problem with you just paying…” He sighed and tried again.
“What I mean is, I don’t feel, like… ‘kept’ or whatever if you pay, so there’s
no need to change anything like that.”
“Ok.” Dani smiled and nodded. “That’s fine. So where do you want to go?”
“You’re serious?” Marc’s eye lit up slightly more and he grinned. “Literally
just…go?”
“Yeah! Why not?”
“See that is my favourite question. So…I don’t know. Europe? Or would we get
more peace further away ?”
“Further away. Maybe…the Caribbean? Or the Maldives or somewhere like that?”
“Ah, so…hot.”
“Yeah. Hot ok?”
“Hot sounds amazing. Yeah. I don’t care. If we have a lockable room and you are
there, anywhere.” He dropped the slightly humourous smile for a second and
nodded. “Really…you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”
*
He’d been for the check up, and everything was good. The eye patch was off,
which was great for practical reasons, but had slightly disappointed him in
that they were going to St Lucia for two weeks two days after, and the ‘pirate
of the Caribbean’ joke hadn’t had time to happen. Bandages were also off, and
they’d both had a few moments of ‘holy fuck!’ as they’d looked at him for the
first time at the hospital, one side of his head half shaved and showing the
remains of the surgery, but it was good considering they were going away, and
therefore into public at least for the journey, and he could wear a hat and
generally pull off ‘I’m fine’ with much more success.
“So…I’m going to ask the question and hope that’s ok…”
Marc looked across at him from the passenger seat and smiled curiously. “Well
that depends on the question I guess…?”
“The question is: are you healed enough for two weeks of being half naked with
me in a private cabin?”
The Moto2 rider waited for Dani to look back at the road and then back at him,
using the eye contact to full effect. “YES.”
“Ok, good. I’m kind of dying without touching you.”
“I KNOW.” Marc laughed and squeezed Dani’s hand where it was rested on the gear
stick. “Believe me, I KNOW. And…I really hope you were joking when you said
‘half naked’.”
Dani crinkled his nose and looked straight ahead out the windscreen, smiling.
“Yeah I don’t know who I was trying to impress…”
“I’m unimpressed.” The Moto2 rider smiled at him and shrugged. “I expect 100%
nudity all the time. And if I don’t get it, I will take it by force.” He
squeezed Dani’s hand again before settling further down into the seat and
relaxing. “So…consider this a first warning?”
“Noted.”
*
“Ok…so…I think I’m ok..?” Marc walked back in from the bathroom and pointed at
his head. “It looks bad, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. Not all the time,
anyway.”
Dani put down his book and locked eyes with him as the Moto2 rider crawled
across the bed towards him. “That’s good.”
Marc was now inches from his face and smiling. “It is good.”
The HRC rider’s eyes flicked from his eyes to his lips and back. “That good,
huh?”
“That good.” Marc leaned in the last few inches and traced Dani’s lips with his
tongue. “And why wait for after an 8 hour plane journey when we could start
now?”
Dani closed his eyes and let himself go into the familiar but always always
exciting feeling of a kiss with Marc going from gentle to connected, taking a
deep breath when he pulled away. “Why not?”
“My favourite question again.” Marc smiled at him and gently pushed the book
off the bed, sitting on Dani on top of the sheets and smiling down at him. “Are
you wearing anything underneath here?”
“No.”
Marc grinned wickedly and slid himself backwards and forwards a few inches,
Dani relaxing back into the pillow and looking up at him, doing a good
impression of being in control of himself despite the friction. “And I think
you should take these off.” The HRC rider snapped the elastic around the top of
Marc’s boxers and raised an eyebrow. “No?”
“Yes.” The Moto2 rider sat up again slightly and motioned down at himself.
“Pull.”
Dani hooked a finger into each side of the waistband and pulled them down as
far as he could before Marc rolled off him and did the rest, pulling Dani on
top of him in the process and tangling them in the sheets.
“You sure you’re ok? It’s the last time I’ll ask, I promise. I just want to-”
“Yes.” Marc wound an arm round his neck and pulled him down so the words
tickled his lips, too close together to really speak. “So make the wait
worthwhile…”
“Ok.” Dani smiled into the kiss and lowered himself further so they were glued
together through the sheet, running a hand underneath the layer between them
and tracing the shape of Marc’s body, from his chest to his hip and then around
to squeeze his ass and feel his heart hammer as Marc’s breath blew past his
cheek, the Moto2 rider pressing his lips to his ear and raking his fingertips
across Dani’s back.
“I’ve missed you.”
Dani nodded and kissed a line down his neck. “I know the feeling.”
“I hope you do.” Marc pushed him away slightly and stared into his eyes. “Show
me.”
“I will.” The older rider smiled at the look on his face and pushed some of the
hair off his forehead. “I won’t be able to help it.”
Marc nodded at him and winced automatically as Dani pressed a light kiss above
the eye that had had the eye patch, although it was too gentle to hurt.
“Don’t you…think it looks horrible?”
Dani stopped and stared down at him, frown of concern replacing any lust.
“What?”
Marc gulped slightly and bit his lip. “I mean…it’s horrible.”
“Are you asking me whether you’re still attractive to me?”
“I…yeah…I guess…”
“Never do that.” The HRC rider smiled at him and repeated the gesture before
printing a kiss on his chest, over his heart. “I don’t care about the outside.”
Marc’s eyes welled up slightly and he nodded. “I know…I just-“
“No. Just nothing. Just…don’t.” He leaned down slightly and pressed his lips to
Marc’s ear. “It’s just the first part of your ‘story’, right? You remember
that?”
A kiss on his cheek was the answer and Dani felt himself pinned down, now
looking up at Marc. “I’ll always remember that.” He ran his index finger across
Dani’s collarbone and followed it with his eyes before looking back at him.
“I remember everything.”
*
The heat was sticky, but there was a breeze. They’d only realised on Christmas
Eve, the day after they’d arrived, that neither of them had actually brought or
bought presents for each other, but that didn’t really matter. And when they
did arrive, the peace from shutting the door and sitting on the bed looking out
over the ocean was incredible. Geneva had been peace, and it probably would be
again, but it felt like a castle surrounded by a moat. St Lucia felt like
possibility.
Christmas was almost forgotten, although Marc spent a few minutes on the phone
with his family, and Dani with his, it was a normal day. But that was almost
better. There were a few text messages and calls from people, notable riders
being Jorge, Valentino, Cal, Casey and Nicky. The ones who were there.
And Dani still hadn’t told him. It’s not the right time to tell him, on
holiday. At Christmas…
The only big thing that happened in the entire 13 days was the phone call on
New Year’s eve, after midnight in Spain, from a crowded Plaza de Catalunya.
“I just wanted to tell you something. And happy new year!!”
“Can I put you on speaker?” Marc looked at Dani and smiled, mouthing ‘Alex’.
“Oh, ok.” He made a face somewhere between concern and ‘eek’ before letting
himself out onto the terrace and sitting on a chair looking at the sea, air
much cooler but no shirt needed. “Happy New Year. What’s up?”
“Nothing’s up. I’m fine. I broke up with Pol tonight.”
Dani heard the sharp intake of breath and leant against the door frame behind
Marc, wondering what it would be and having a reasonable idea.
“No, it’s ok. I’m not upset, it wasn’t right. My decision. I just…I don’t know.
I want to check you agree.”
“Agree? With what? Breaking up with him?”
“Yeah…”
“Oh. Ok…well, Pol is hot. But if you don’t care about him and you don’t want to
be with him then you shouldn’t be. Ok?”
“Yes.” Alex sounded relieved and took a deep breath. “That’s what I needed to
hear. And…I think he’s still in love with you.”
Marc froze and immediately turned round to look at Dani as he said it. “What do
you mean, still?! Or…what?”
“Yeah, I think so. But it’s ok, really. I care about somebody else too. Neither
of us can have that person, but that doesn’t mean we should pretend to have
each other. It was fun, anyway.”
Marc turned back towards the moon and the sea and leaned back in the chair.
“Well…ok. I guess that’s the important thing.” Do I ask who that is? Do I ask
how he knows? “How…I mean, did Pol say something?”
“No, but it’s obvious sometimes.”
“Right.” Marc looked up at Dani as the older rider came outside to join him and
put a cocktail in his hand, mouthing ‘thank you’. “Well…I don’t know what to
say. But…I guess it sounds like it’s for the best.”
“It is. Thank you! I’m going now, because there are hot guys here….” Alex
laughed and said something to someone else on the other end of the line.
“So..Happy New Year! Say hi to Dani for me.”
“Ok. I will. Have fun…and be careful, please?” Marc nodded at the affirmative
answer. “Good. Ok. Happy New Year! Bye.” He cancelled the call and took a long,
cool sip of drink, turning back to Dani. “Did you get that?”
“Most of it. He broke up with Pol?”
“Yeah…”
“And thinks Pol is still-“
“Yeah. And still? Was he before?! Argh.” Marc shook his head and took another
drink. “To be honest, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about him…so…I don’t
know. It’s just weird. And Alex said something about him caring about someone
els-“
“Yeah?”
The Moto2 rider narrowed his eyes and smiled. “What do you know?!”
Dani gulped and stared back at him. Smooth. “Nothing. I…just think…it was
obvious they weren’t quite right. Fun, but not the right fit.” I think he
should be the one to tell you if anyone ever should tell you.
“Oh. Ok…well I guess that’s true. We called it.” Marc wrapped his arm round the
HRC rider’s waist as he tried to leave, hugging him from the chair. “Come back
out and sit with me in a few minutes?”
Dani nodded and kissed the top of his head. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll come
back.”
“Good.” Marc relaxed again and picked up his glass, staring out at the ocean,
conflicted about Alex but finding a smile spread across his face as he looked
at his watch and counted down the hours to midnight.
Paradise.
He took a sip and cocked his head slightly as he heard faint music start up
further down the beach, before looking down at the drink and then smiling even
more.
Alcohol. He trusts me again.
Dani reappeared and sat down in the chair next to him, giving his hand up as a
hostage as Marc wove his fingers through his. “I’m so glad we did this.”
“Me too. Perfect. No motorbike jealousy, no Rossi, no Jorge, no Pol…just me and
you.”
“Exactly.”
Marc nodded to himself before turning back to the Honda rider and smiling.
“Oh, and Alex says hello.”
***** What Goes Around Comes Around *****
Chapter Notes
     Due to the continued emotional trauma of MotoGP for a fan of Jorge
     Lorenzo (that is in no way meant to be said without unwavering
     pride), I took the leap before I was going to...
     Thanks for reading, still! ;) :)
He’d been thinking about it for a while, since he’d realised he’d not made the
joke about marrying Marc, and since the first time he’d really ever had to
consider the legality of it back in Sitges, when he’d shown Marc what he’d been
looking at. Maybe it seemed fast, and maybe it seemed stupid, and maybe it
seemed bad timing given what else he was keeping hidden, but he’d known that
there was something there since the moment he met him. Back when that feeling
had been confusing and worrying and a massive, massive PR and legal problem,
because he was still a kid. But he wasn’t, really. He was just shorter. Which,
thinking about it, was really an advantage… He still needed to grow up in a few
ways, but the things that people saw as immaturity were usually not that for
Dani, they were just parts of his personality that people who wanted to believe
he was perfect couldn’t accept. Sometimes he didn’t think before he talked, and
he took too many risks. He hid behind a smile too much. He wasn’t perfect, that
Dani knew, but no one was. And he’d always remembered the quote about how ‘true
love’ wasn’t finding perfection; it was loving imperfections. And he did, even
when he wanted to push him into the lake and scream. And he didn’t want to
marry him tomorrow, least of all because he didn’t want to move from Geneva,
where it wasn’t legal, but he wanted to ask. And know they’d decided.
So they were back from St Lucia, and the blue of the skies had been replaced by
grey, and some snow. 2012. A new season on the way. And testing, and press, and
lots of public engagements that would usually piss him off and now would be
even harder to get through given the intensity of interest. But he can ride,
and I have my seat. And Valentino is in the past, I’m in love, and everything
is going the right way. So maybe it won’t be too bad.
Dani turned to look if the fountain was on, as he always did, before turning
right and heading into the car park over the bridge, headed for Svarovski.
*
Jorge turned as he heard the knock, and frowned. Who knows the gate code but
would knock?! He walked through into the hall and frowned further at the very
familiar silhouette etched behind the frosted glass of the door, pulling it
open and staring. “Why did you knock?”
Ricky looked at him in puzzlement and smiled. “Because…it’s not my house?”
“You never knock.” Jorge closed the door behind him as his friend walked past
him into the house, following him to the kitchen and finding the contrast
between knocking on the door but taking coffee without asking strange. “You
never knock.”
“Well…I’ve not been here for a while…so maybe…I don’t know. I was feeling
polite, which it would seem you are not.” He stuck out his tongue for a second
and smiled at Jorge’s continuing frown. “What?”
“Just…don’t knock.”
“Ok…it is a big thing?”
“No…but you basically live here, don’t you?”
“Well…yeah. I guess.”
“So…don’t knock.”
“Ok. Jesus, what’s got you in a bad mood?!”
“Not a bad mood.” Jorge sighed and took the coffee offered to him. “Just a
sensitive mood. Feel at home. Hopefully you feel at home.”
Ah. “Not a good Christmas?”
“Yeah it was ok. I didn’t talk to you?”
“Not yet.”
What?! “Oh. Ok…yeah it was ok, nice to see my mother. And my sister. And people
from home…the ones who are still interested in me rather than my money. And not
so great to see my dad.”
“Ah. Ok…”
“Ok?”
“Yeah. That explains it.”
“Why?”
“Because you always start to doubt yourself when you’ve seen him. It’s like
you’re trying to impress him and tell him to fuck off at the same time.”
Jorge stared at him and felt himself involuntarily start to laugh slightly,
relieving the pressure as he realised that was exactly what it was. “Yeah. I
think this time I was trying to impress, and…I don’t know. Am I…cold?”
Ricky looked at back him, eyes widened. “This is a heavy conversation for 8 in
the morning.”
“Technically this is still last night.”
Oh. “I’m thinking training is postponed a few hours then?”
Fuck. “Er…yeah. Sorry. And…am I?”
“Ok.” Ricky put his cup down and leaned over the table so he was a bit closer.
“Sometimes you are in public. But that’s because you don’t lie to people. But
to people you know and who know you, never. You’re the opposite. I won’t use
the word ‘hot’…” He winked and smiled at the smile in return. “But you’re not
cold. You have good manners, and you care about people and you show them that.
Because that’s the problem, right?”
Jorge took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah…”
“Don’t worry. You show them. I don’t know why I knocked really, I think I was
just on autopilot. And maybe a little bit worried that there would be a full
house of gay MotoGP refugees in here.”
Jorge smiled and nodded, ground he was walking on re-solidified, and let out a
breath. “Ok. Sorry. I love him, but I don’t want to be him.”
“You never will be.”
“I know. I really know. But I still worry.”
“I know. It’s ok.”
“I should probably sleep a few hours before we train.”
“Sounds like a good idea.” He took the cup he was handed and smiled to himself
as Jorge walked over to the door, back much straighter and step much lighter.
“Wait…what did you mean?”
Ricky turned and frowned at him stood in the doorway. “When?”
“MotoGP refugees?”
Oh, fuck. He felt the immediate pressure of the devil’s bargain between letting
him get some sleep and telling him everything at once. “Wait…I tried to call
you. Your phone’s not on, is it?”
“No…?” The Mallorcan frowned and tilted his head slightly as he realised there
was something behind it. “I turned it off …the day before yesterday I think.
For some peace. Why?”
“I…” What to say… “Ok. Something happened with Dani and Marc. I don’t know
what, but…I think there’s trouble.”
“Trouble?”
“Er…yeah. Not with Marc’s health or anything…but it’s weird.”
“Ok PLEASE explain better…”
“Sorry, sorry…well…first, I don’t know this from stalking them, ok? It’s from
the press, somebody did a stupid amount of digging…”
“Right…”
“Well…I guess around the time you turned your phone off, Marc unfollowed Dani
on Twitter. Not last night, the night before. Then yesterday Marc flew back
here. To Barcelona, on his own. And last night…hang on, I’ll show you.” Ricky
pulled out his phone and opened the app to find Marc, clicking on the profile
and holding it up as Jorge walked towards him. “That tweet.”
Jorge looked at it and let out a whistle of air. “Wow. What the fuck
happened?!”
“Nobody knows except them, I guess…”
Jorge took the phone and nodded as he stared at the picture a bit longer. Marc,
Alex and a few other people, obviously on a night out. Marc was obviously very
drunk, eyes misted over in that classic sheen of fake happiness as he smiled,
in the center of the picture. Cheek to cheek with Pol Espargaró.
And the caption...
What goes around comes around. Back home! Lo que se siembra se cosecha. ¡En
casa!
“Fuck.”
“I know. I think you should find your phone and put it on silent for 10 minutes
while it catches up.”
Jorge nodded and disappeared out the kitchen for a few seconds before
reappearing with the phone and turning it on, putting it on the table and
taking a step back like it might be about to explode. And it did, but only with
noise. After a few minutes the silence returned and he picked it up to look.
Missed calls, from Dani and Marc. And Valentino. A few others from Yamaha and
sponsors, then more from Dani and Marc. And Valentino. And text messages asking
why he wasn’t answering; from Dani, Marc and Valentino.
“Fuck.”
“They called you?”
The Mallorcan nodded and took a deep breath, trying to focus on how to help
rather than I let people down. “Yeah. Who should I call back first?”
“Who do you think you should call first? Any idea what happened?”
“Maybe some idea.” He looked up and locked eyes with Ricky. “I guess what I
told you about Dani and Valentino…”
“But was that bad enough to cause this?”
“I would say no, but he’s 17.”
Ricky nodded and shrugged. “But he also loves him to pieces…”
“He does.” Jorge nodded and stared down at the phone. “So I should probably
call Dani first.”
“Ok. Why?”
“Because whatever happened between him and Valentino, he didn’t cheat. So…seems
Dani will know what happened, and without me getting into any hot water about
who knows what or who doesn’t?”
“I think that reason is good enough to justify that choice.” He smiled at the
knowing smile on Jorge’s face. “So do that.”
The Yamaha rider nodded and pressed call, putting the phone up to his face and
leaning back in the chair as it rang and rang and rang. “No answer.”
“Try Marc.”
“I think I should talk to Dani first…”
“Then call Valentino.”
The Mallorcan cancelled the call and looked up at him, doubtful. “Really..?”
“Yeah. Really.”
“Ok…” He pressed call again, much more reluctantly, and snapped his eyes back
up to meet Ricky’s as the call connected and he heard the voice.
“You called back.”
His eyes widened. “I did. I’m sorry I didn’t answer. What’s going on?”
“Marc w-went hhhhhome.”
“I saw that. Are you drunk?”
“Yesss.”
“Ok. Where are you?”
“On a rug in ffffront of the sofa.”
“Ok. You any idea what happened?”
“Yeah. He went through the messagesses.”
What?! Jorge shrugged at Ricky and put it on speaker, Ricky’s eyes widening
equally when he connected the voice with the number. “Ok, Dani…this is
Valentino’s phone. What happened with you and Marc? Or is Valentino there? Can
I talk to him?”
“Valentino’s in bed.”
“Ok. In your house?”
“Yesss.
“Why?”
“Because I was rude to him and he went to sleep.”
“Right. Why is he in Geneva with you?”
“Because Marc went home.”
Jorge could feel himself getting more and more irritated at the lack of
cohesive information and tried to take a breath. “Ok. Why did Marc go home?”
And why does that mean Vale came back?!
“He went through my phone.”
“YES. Ok. What did he see?”
“I didn’t tell him.”
“I guessed that. So he knows Valentino was there, before Christmas?”
“Yeah.”
“And he got angry?”
“I got angry too.”
“I can imagine. I think you should go and wake Vale up so I can talk to him.”
“I think you should leave me alone.”
“Dani, I’m trying to help.”
“That’s what everybody says. But then they won’t FUCK you when you asssk.”
Jorge and Ricky looked at each other in a mixture of horror, upset and
amusement. “Well I definitely won’t fuck you. But I am trying to help.”
“I don’t c-“ There was a rustle and a few noises of complaint before the phone
clicked and the line went dead. They both looked at it for a couple of seconds
before it started to ring and Jorge connected it again.
“Hello..?”
“Ciao. Sorry. He is very drunk and I was asleep.”
“Ok. What’s going on?”
“What did he tell you?”
“Not much. But he answered your phone and Marc is in Barcelona…”
“I know. It looks bad. You want to maybe get some popcorn or go to the toilet
before I explain?”
“Don’t joke around.”
“Sometimes joking is the best reaction to being in pain.”
The way he said it made Jorge feel a slice of regret at how he’d snapped. “Ok,
sorry. If you want to explain, I want to know.”
“It's ok. I want to explain.”
The two Spaniards looked at each other again and readied themselves.
“Right. Fire away...”
***** What Happened: Part 1 *****
He’d rehearsed what he was going to say, and managed to control his vanity and
buy a plain white gold ring, and one for himself, which seemed to fit with the
nature of equality, and the speech went something like this:
So…I met you a long time ago. When you were still a kid. And I knew from that
moment there was something about you, and I don’t mean your talent on a bike, I
mean you. You bring out all the parts in me that I don’t often dare to show,
and you did from that first time I met you and you came over to congratulate me
when I won. The way you smiled at me and the words you said weren’t that
different to other people, but the way you looked at me was like a whole other
conversation. Maybe that would be wrong to some people and they would find it
strange, but look at Casey and Adriana. Age can’t hide who you are, after a
certain point. And it didn’t. Back then I tried to not really think about the
kid who had made me feel like that. But then you just keep proving me right.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I thought I was in love before. I
think I was. The type that people think is everything and spend 50 years
convincing themselves it is, content but not happy. But now, I’ve redefined
everything. You’ve made me believe in all those things that people tell you
you’ll grow out of. I believe in everything again. I believe in myself, and I
believe in you. I’ve even prayed! And not because I was in a corner and had no
choice. Because I thought maybe it could be real. There are some things I can’t
explain anymore. And I don’t know what I believe, but I think I believe in
destiny. As I did then, when you were only fourteen. I love you. And I will
love you until it’s the last act I commit on Earth. So I want to ask you
something...
And I don’t mean next week, or even next year. Just, whenever we’re ready…will
you marry me?
He nervously looked at himself in the rearview mirror again and nodded, almost
choking up. Not because he thought he’d done a good job of saying what he
wanted, because words weren’t really enough, but because the reality of the
situation kept hitting him.
I can’t explain. I will never be able to explain. The words will always lack
something. But I’ll keep trying.
He smiled and took a deep breath as he remembered Valentino’s words, and
Jorge’s.
Because that’s what I do.
*
Marc had seen the phone on the table about an hour before he actually picked it
up, desperately trying to resist the urge to tweet something inappropriately
amusing and out of character. He’d distracted himself with making and eating
lunch before eventually giving up and picking it up, going into Twitter and
smiling at a few things people had been saying before trying to decide what to
put and googling some phrases in English, laughing at one and deciding that
would be first.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @lorenzo99 I have still not received payment for the services
rendered.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @calcrutchlow Nice picture! Too many clothes.
@26_DaniPedrosa: I love cows
@26_DaniPedrosa: @box_repsol You need more pictures of ME! :)
@26_DaniPedrosa: Me gustan las vacas. Leche hmmm tasty.
Marc giggled to himself and was just about to put it down again before seeing a
reply appear.
@calcrutchlow: @26_DaniPedrosa Marc…? ;)
@26_DaniPedrosa: @calcrutchlow No! Sorry @Matt77Roberts is jealous?
@calcrutchlow: @26_DaniPedrosa no, @Matt77Roberts is tweeting you :P
@26_DaniPedrosa: @calcrutchlow you are going to be in trouble, @Matt77Roberts
@calcrutchlow: @26_DaniPedrosa I have both phones. Cal got ill at a BBC event!
YOU are Marc.
@26_DaniPedrosa: @calcrutchlow No te creo. ¿Hablas español?
@calcrutchlow: @26_DaniPedrosa Sí. ¿Dónde está Dani?
@26_DaniPedrosa: @calcrutchlow aquí ;) Y ya no te creo…demasiado fácil :P
@calcrutchlow: @26_DaniPedrosa ¡No importa! La verdad, cabroncito cerverino,
sigue siendo la verdad
@26_DaniPedrosa: @calcrutchlow Bueno…joddeeerrrrrr! Jaja ok…so you need to
‘come out’ now…
@calcrutchlow: @26_DaniPedrosa what?!
@26_DaniPedrosa: @calcrutchlow jajajajaja ;) ya sabes
Marc waited for a reply and then got worried as more time elapsed and nothing
happened, before eventually getting a text message that said “Hi it’s Matt,
THANK YOU for that (you are definitely Marc!). La verdad es que no queremos
‘salir del armario’ ahora, ok? And no, I’m not joking, this time.”
He stared down at it and felt a grin spread across his face. Oh. Wow. Ok.
And…oops… He typed out a reply that said as much and sent it before noticing
the other message threads on the phone.
Valentino?
His finger hovered over it for a few guilty seconds before he felt himself
losing the fight and clicking on it. And reading. And reading. Scrolling back
up to somewhere that seemed to make sense to start, and reading.
Vale: I meant what I said yesterday. I hope you’re ok. It was hard to leave.
Dani: I know. I’m not, but I will be. I feel so guilty. Thank you for
everything.
Vale: Don’t feel guilty, you needed it.
Dani: I’ve not told him what happened yet.
Vale: Maybe you shouldn’t. It will hurt.
Dani: I know…
The date skipped on a bit before there were more.
Dani: Just saw someone on the way to the airport with your helmet! :)
Vale: $$$$$$ hahaha ;) always nice to see! How are you? Airport?
Dani: Haha! I’m ok. Yes we’re going on holiday…for the holidays.
Vale: Ok… :) anywhere nice?
Dani: St Lucia :) and no, I haven’t told him yet…
Vale: Have a good time! And my advice is the same: don’t.
There was another gap before a few days later:
Vale: Sleeping alone is a lot colder than I remember :( But at least I got more
sleep than the other week sleeping with you ;)
Vale: Sorry if you didn’t like that. I’m trying to put on a brave face. ;)
Dani: I didn’t know what to reply…
Vale: I know, sorry. Also Andrea (Iannone) broke my barbecue…
Dani: Bastard.
Vale: Crazy… ;)
Dani: I see what you did there ;)
Vale: You should see what he did…
Dani: Better or worse than Jorge cooking?
Vale: Worse!
Dani: WOW.
Vale: I know! Also Avis charged me 200 Euros for the cigar smell…
Dani: …but…you’re Valentino Rossi!
Vale: Haha I explained that, they didn’t care :(
Dani: Make Andrea pay for it
Vale: That’s a good idea.
Another few days with nothing, then a generic ‘Merry Christmas!’ each way,
until they got to New Year’s Eve, when there was an essay-long text from the
Italian.
Vale: Maybe I had something to drink…but don’t tell him. Just say I went to the
hospital because I was in town. I did spend time with Nicky after, so it could
be believable. Don’t tell him anything else. This is another one like the
message I left for you weeks ago at your house, I know… but anyway. Happy New
Year. I hope it brings you everything you want…I hope you win a lot of races,
and I hope you keep on getting back up. I hope you always remember how I feel
about you, and I hope Marc makes you as happy as you deserve to be. And…I’m
glad we got to say goodbye like we did. I know I said you needed it, but I did
too. Don’t feel guilty. ‘¡Vamos!’ ;)
Dani: Ok first… I do feel guilty and I’m not sure what to do about it yet. I
want to be honest. But anyway, happy new year…I hope it is a good one for you,
and I hope you and Ducati sort out the problems. I hope your ambition and your
talent match up this year haha ;) and I hope you remember that you’ll always be
important, if that’s enough. You mean a lot to me :) and I know what you mean,
it was a goodbye I guess. Happy new year, Doctor. You have healed me a bit ;)
Marc’s eyes had started off wide and had then narrowed before widening again as
the tears needed the space. He had been desperately trying to hang on to the
idea that maybe it wasn’t how it seemed – trying to just fix on Dani in his
mind and keep some perspective, but by the time he’d read those two messages,
that had gone, and he was only just about able to stand up as he read the most
recent one; the one that flicked the internal switch between disbelief and
belief.
Vale: I slept with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen last night. Still
preferred December with you. Might put a picture of you on my bedroom ceiling.
;)
Marc dropped the phone back on the table and covered his mouth with his hand as
he felt himself start to cry, taking a few steps back and staring at it as
though it was dangerous. That was it; for him. That was enough. There was no
‘please explain’, there was no grey area. It was black and white and perfectly
clear what had happened. He stayed there for a few quiet seconds in complete
shock, just staring and feeling the moisture track down each side of his face,
before something else kicked in and he felt pure, seething anger rip through
him.
December.
He stood there and felt himself almost shaking from the pressure of it, going
from complete heartbreak and back to rage within miliseconds.
December. When in December?
He sniffed a few times and took a deep breath.
That doesn’t matter.
He clenched his teeth as it threatened to engulf him more before turning and
walking calmly up the stairs, to get changed and start to pack.
It doesn't matter.
*
“Hello?” Dani walked in and frowned at the lack of response. “Marc?”
Still nothing. He walked further in and shut the door behind himself, turning
the light on as it was now dark outside, and again seeing nothing that gave any
indication that Marc was there. He checked each room, more and more worried
he’d find him passed out somewhere, before realizing that he just wasn’t there.
He went back where he started and reached for his phone, pulling it out his
pocket and then rolling his eyes as he realised he’d taken Marc’s by mistake.
And then saw his on the table.
He picked it up and wondered why it was there, knowing he hadn’t put it there
himself, before suddenly feeling himself go cold. He woke it up and stared down
at the screen.
The Valentino message thread.
Fuck.
*
He’d intended to just leave, needing to get out of there as soon as possible,
but there was no flight until tomorrow so he had ended up in a bar in Geneva,
drinking alone and thankfully not asked about his age. He’d gone there on his
bike and the touch of swagger that the leathers and helmet always gave him
seemed to have convinced the staff that he was older than he was. That was a
new thing in itself; he hadn’t ridden on roads for a long time. And he didn’t
have a licence. And from the practice start at the gate to the stoppie in the
car park, he’d stayed well above the speed limit.
But he had a beer first, then ended up with a shot of tequila as some sort of
promotion, looking round from his staring into the glass to notice for the
first time that more and more people were turning up in the bar, and then a
bottle of whiskey was put in front of him and the bartender smiled and pointed
across the room to a guy in the corner, who raised his glass to him.
“C’est un cadeau. Pour toi.”
Marc stared at him and frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Ah, you don’t speak French. Is a gift, for you.”
“Oh.” He looked at it and considered declining before looking back at the guy
and finding himself repeating the ‘cheers’ gesture. “Tell him thank you.”
*
He had read it, that much seemed clear. He’d obviously not done it on purpose
at first either, he’d intended to just hijack his twitter. The revelation about
Matt and Cal was lost to Dani in the storm of everything else, but he’d read it
and logged it before feeling the panic and guilt start to change into anger.
What do you think it means? You think it means I cheated on you? You’re not
even going to ask?
He tried to stop himself going insane, no way of knowing where Marc was, before
picking up his phone again and trying to call Jorge, no answer. So he tried
Valentino, no answer, before just sitting himself on the sofa and realizing the
only thing he could really do was wait.
And you went through my phone.
*
“Yeah.”
“Like, professionally?”
“Yeah. Professionally. I ride in Moto2. I almost won the championship last
year. And I won the 125cc world championship the year before.”
“World championship?!”
“Yeah..!”
“Wow. That’s impressive.”
“Thanks…” Marc winked and downed the rest of his glass. “I try.”
The guy looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like you win, too.”
“Not always. Sometimes. You don’t recognize me from the news?”
“No…”
“I’m the gay motorbike racer that just moved to Geneva. Soon to be moving back
to Barcelona.”
“That’s a shame. You should stay here.”
“It is a shame. It’s the worst shame of my life. But tonight we don’t talk
about that. Tonight is for fun and forgetting. It’s my last night.”
“Last night…so we’d better make it worthwhile.”
Marc smiled at him and nodded, just sober enough to stay upright. “Exactly.”
*
It was 3 o’clock in the morning before Marc reappeared. Dani had gone to sleep
sat up on the sofa, waiting, and woke up with a start as the door banged open
and Marc all but fell through it.
“You’re home!”
The Moto2 rider looked up at him and shook his head. “Not yet. T-tomorrow I
leave YOU.”
Dani felt the relief at seeing him immediately crushed by the state of him.
“Are you drunk?”
“Yes. I am drunk. I don’t want to talk to you.” He pulled himself more upright
and started walking towards the stairs. “Bye.”
Dani stood and stared as he walked past, unsure whether guilt, anger or
frustration was winning the internal battle. “You went through my phone.”
Marc made it to the top just as Dani started up the stairs, looking back down
at him. “You fucked Valentino.”
The HRC rider stopped and stared at him, feeling his eyes start to well up. I
knew it. “You really believe that?”
Marc laughed bitterly and shrugged at him. “EVIDENCE, Dani. If you commit a
crime you should get rid of the evidence.” He felt around in the back pocket of
his jeans before throwing a piece of paper down the stairs. “There, I got rid
of my evidence.”
Dani picked it up from where it landed in front of him and watched Marc
disappear into the spare bedroom, the one Jorge had used, listening to him
collapse on the bed and feeling himself almost do the same thing, hanging on to
the wall to keep himself upright and unfolding the piece of paper. Please...
He read it and closed his eyes for a second.
If you’re ever back in Geneva, call me…I had a great time. Next time I’ll
change the sheets? ;)
There was a number written underneath it and Dani felt his world start to blur.
You didn’t.
He watched the paper fall out of his fingers and back to the floor before
leaning further against the wall, turning so his forehead was pressed on it,
cool plaster trying to calm him down as he slapped his hand against it.
Please say you didn't.
He turned round and slid down to the floor, legs splayed, before finally
feeling himself give up on trying to contain it and bursting into tears.
Maybe you did.
“I didn’t.”
He heard himself say it, quietly, before he felt himself scream it up the
stairs.
“I DIDN’T! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!”
There was no response, but he hadn’t expected one.
I didn’t.
It was about half an hour before he moved again, staring at the front door and
almost paralysed by how much it hurt.
I didn't. But you did.
***** What Happened: Part 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     So we're caught up, minus a few hours, with Jorge and Ricky...
After that first half hour of sitting there letting it sink in, numbness
eventually took over, as though his heart had just decided that it was too much
and it had to shut down. He pulled himself up off the floor and wandered into
the kitchen, drinking a glass of water and staring out through the window into
the dark before slamming the glass into the sink and watching it shatter.
He looked at himself in the reflection for a few seconds before going back into
the living room and sitting down on the sofa, a few minutes later finding
himself in a horribly ironic reflection of Marc in Cervera, wrapping himself
around a cushion and deciding that if he just stayed still, maybe it would go
away.
*
Marc woke up in pain, staring at the ceiling and wondering why, before having
it hit him all at once a few seconds later and groaning.
What did I do?
He tried to start to process the details of his own night, after he’d found
out, before everything else started to flash through his brain and he felt his
chest implode and the blood drain from his face.
Dani. Valentino.
He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow in a desperate attempt to make
it go away.
Dani and Valentino.
*
Dani went upstairs, mainly to get changed and throw some water on his face, and
stopped outside the door to the room Marc had gone into the night before.
He’s crying.
He could hear it from behind the door, and part of it broke his heart and the
rest of it made him incredibly angry.
You did this. You didn’t even ask me. You went out and you fucked a stranger
because you didn’t even ask me.
He forced himself back down the stairs and made and ate breakfast, waiting for
when or if Marc would show his face, staring between the plate and the wall,
still on autopilot, as though it was a plot where they had to pretend they
didn’t know each other.
*
At some point, I have to go down there.
Marc sat up and slowly dragged himself out of bed.
Maybe he already left?
He was still dressed from the night before, so he walked over to the door and
slowly opened it, listening out for any noise from downstairs, of which there
was none, before making his way down into the kitchen, where Dani was sat
drinking coffee. He didn’t look up, and Marc didn’t say anything. The Moto2
rider made himself a coffee and was just on his way out the door when Dani
spoke.
“You’re not even going to say anything.”
Marc stopped and turned round, feeling the anger searing towards him across the
room, reigniting the same feeling in him, burning away the simple upset from
when he’d woken up. “What do you want me to say?”
Dani shook his head at him and glared. “You’re not going to ask me, are you?
You think I did it.”
“It’s fucking obvious.”
“For what it’s worth, I didn’t cheat on you. Even when I kissed him in Milan I
felt so terrible. But obviously you didn’t ask, so you went out and fucked
somebody else.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I KNOW.” The HRC rider slammed his cup down on the table and watched liquid
spill out onto the surface as Marc flinched, not expecting it at all. “I KNOW
you don’t fucking believe me. I didn’t tell you he came here, no. But he came
to help me out and he did. We went to sleep in the same bed. I was a mess I was
so worried I couldn’t deal with it, everything has just been so difficult. He
says he loves me, I believe him, and he helped. He was there. As a friend? For
me, yes. But for him…He…” Dani felt the emotion start to choke him up and
punched his fist into the spilt coffee. “He didn’t even go to sleep because he
said ‘Why waste one of the best moments of your life by sleeping through it?’
So that was it. I slept. Was it close? Intimate? Yeah. It was. It was both of
those things. But now you’ve done something so stupid I can hardly fucking look
at you. I don’t know if you understand what you’ve done. Because it was
fixable.”
Marc listened and shrugged, left cold. But the veneer of anger was starting to
crack slightly for the Moto2 rider as the words sunk in. ““I don’t believe you.
And I don’t think you understand what you’ve done to me. I was in hospital. And
I told you to go home and I trusted you and you ran back to him.”
“NO.” Dani got to his feet and shook his head. “Don’t fucking dare. Don’t you
fucking dare. He came here to help. I didn’t call him. Just like Jorge. You
know, I had enough faith in him - JORGE LORENZO – to at least try and drag an
explanation out before I tried to fucking drown him.”
“It’s Valentino.”
“YES. Valentino hugging me.”
“I DON’T believe you! Ok?! It doesn’t matter how many times you say it if it’s
not true.”
“Like when you look me in the eye and tell me you love me?!” They stared at
each other as Dani got angrier and Marc less sure. “Like that, you mean?
Fucking liar.”
The Moto2 took a few angry breaths through his nose and shook his head. “Don’t.
Don’t YOU dare.”
“Dare what? You went out and you fucked somebody else, you immature, stupid
prick.”
That seemed to flick a switch and Marc was suddenly ice cold, staring at him
like a bug on the pavement. No. “Oh, yeah? Funny he didn’t seem to agree. Fuck
you.”
Dani took in the bare, unflinching admission of it and shrugged to cover how it
really hit him, slouching back into the chair and resigning himself to it. “You
know, I don’t even care what you think. You’re not worth it. So I hope you
meant what you said last night when you said you were going back to Barcelona.
Take what you can and I’ll send the rest of your stuff before testing. Get
out.”
Marc stared at him and felt his jaw clench as the words came out, each one
solidifying the resolve and doing nothing to convince him. “Oh, I’m going.
Don’t worry. I’ll sort out my stuff. Anything left after that, keep it.
Something to remember me by on the long nights in Tavullia, when he’s bored of
you.”
The Moto2 rider then turned and stormed out, taking the stairs two at a time on
his way to go and start packing his stuff. And then, he got a taxi to the
airport, and he left.
*
“Hi.” Marc stared at his dad and shrugged. “I’m back.”
Julià nodded at him and made the eye contact last longer than his son obviously
wanted it to, Marc going from fake-casual to suddenly wobbling lip and clinging
on to him as he was pulled into a hug. “What happened?”
Marc squeezed him before pulling away and shaking his head. “I don’t want to
talk about it. I want to go home.”
Julià nodded at him and led him back to the car. “Ok.”
“Trust me, with Dani, he’ll never have to...” Obviously not.
*
“It’s me.”
“I know, me.”
“Marc saw my phone. He thinks we slept together. He went out last night and
fucked a stranger.”
“Oh my God.” Valentino felt his blood run cold as he went quiet and immediately
regretted the first joking tone. “What?! What happened? Is he there?”
Dani ignored the questions and managed to just about push the final words out
of his mouth. “Are you in Italy?”
“Yes.”
“I need you. Please.”
Valentino closed his eyes a second and nodded to himself. “Right. Ok.” The
Italian listened to the call get cut off and looked up at Uccio. “Can you drive
me to Marconi?”
His friend sighed and shrugged before nodding. “Now?”
“Yeah, now.”
*
“No, he’s just sitting there.”
“He must be doing something…”
“No, he’s staring at the wall.”
“Has he been doing that the whole time?”
“Yeah. About 3 hours.”
“I can hear you.” The sound of his own voice made Marc jump slightly, but he
didn’t move voluntarily. “I’m not deaf.”
“Sorry.” Julià walked back into the room, bringing Alex with him. “We’re
worried.”
“I’m worried.”
“I know.”
“You have no idea.”
Ok. He managed to keep his voice soft, unsure as to how he should act.
“Actually, I don’t think I do, no. And we don’t know what happened.”
“That’s private.”
“Ok…” He looked at his other son and they shared a quick eye-conversation about
what to do before Alex tried.
“Do you want a drink?”
“No.”
“Food?”
“No.”
“Ok. Do you want us to leave you alone?”
“I don’t care.” Marc shrugged and turned his head towards them slightly, no eye
contact. “I just don’t care.”
Julià sighed and nodded. “Ok…” He walked back out the room and took a few deep
breaths, wondering what the hell he could do to even find out what was going on
if Marc wouldn’t say anything. He rubbed a hand over his face before pausing
and listening to Alex try again, now he wasn’t there.
“We saw Valentino there. He was being a good friend, if that’s what this is
about.”
“What?”
“Me and Pol. And Jorge…Valentino came to the hospital to see if you were ok and
see if Dani needed help.”
“That’s a nice story but we all know he didn’t go to help. He went to win and
he’s pulled it off. Like Montmeló 2009, last corner. When everything seemed set
to be fine.”
“Have you…actually asked Dani if he cheated?”
“He already kissed him in Milan, and I saw his phone. He denies it but I don’t
believe him, it’s pretty obvious.”
Julià sighed and shook his head at the unravelling truth, frustration hitting
him full force as he realised that not that long ago, this conversation would
have been between the four of them. Now, he’d only just about talk to Alex.
“He denies it?”
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you believe him?”
There were a few seconds of silence before Marc spoke.
“Because…before, he told me. About Milan. He told me straight away. And it’s
been weeks. He’s been hiding it for weeks. Why would he do that if it wasn’t an
even bigger thing?”
“Maybe. But what if it’s the opposite.”
“Why are you defending him?!”
“I’m not! I’m just asking.”
“Don’t.”
“Fine. I won’t.”
The slightly higher amount of hurt and petulance in Alex’s voice obviously
affected Marc before he carried on.
“Sorry. I can’t…I don’t want…I…I did something bad.”
There was more silence and Julià started to feel himself go slightly cold,
realising maybe ‘with Dani he will never have to’ wasn’t just affected by the
older rider. It could be Marc, too.
“What did you do?”
“I don’t want to talk about it now. All I can see in my head is him and
Valentino.” Marc sighed and yawned. “Let’s go out.”
“Where do you want to go?” Unsure if it was a good idea but sure enough to know
that saying no was a bad idea.
“Anywhere. Here. Call some people, let’s see if we can go to the restaurant?”
“Ok…”
“I’ll invite people if you can sort the restaurant.”
“No problem…”
Alex came out into the hall, leaving Marc behind, and shrugged worriedly at his
dad’s face, conscious they could be overheard. His dad followed him upstairs
and out of earshot.
“You hear that?”
“Yes. How did he look?”
“He started off the same. Then he just seemed to shut off. The suddenly, he was
almost fine.”
“Really fine?”
“No. Not when you know him.”
The kind of fine we ignored last time and left him here on his own to deal
with.
*
“Dani…” He lifted open the letter box and tried louder and closer. “DANI. OPEN
THE DOOR.” No response, so he got down on his hands and knees and felt around
in the shadows for the spare key, finding it and nervously letting himself
inside; house dark and seeming strangely empty now it was just how it used to
be. Him and me. “Dani…are you here? It’s me.”
“Hi.”
Vale turned to the direction of the voice and saw him sat on the sofa, almost
in the dark but not quite, obviously not really taking much in. Fuck. He didn’t
look good. “Hi.”
“You came.”
“You said you needed me.”
The Spaniard nodded and bit his lip to stop himself from crying. “I did. And
you came.”
“Of course.” Vale walked over and crouched down in front of him, taking his
hands in his. “Can I do anything?”
Dani shook his head and shrugged, helpless. “Unless you can rewind time.”
Valentino nodded at him and squeezed his hands, feeling the impact of the look
in the younger rider’s eyes as they met his. “I can’t.”
“I know.”
“Drink?”
“No.”
“Food?”
“No.”
“Ok. You just want me to be here?”
The HRC rider started to nod before stopping himself and shaking his head
instead. “I-I want Marc.” The look in his eyes seemed to be understanding
exactly what that did to Valentino as he took it in. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I know you want Marc. Be selfish for a while.”
“But he doesn’t want me.”
“What did he do? What happened?”
Dani shook his head again. “Can’t.”
“Ok.” Vale pressed a kiss to his hands and nodded. “That’s ok. You look tired.
Did you sleep last night?”
“A few minutes.”
Oh. “Right. Are you tired?”
“Couldn’t move.”
“Were you hurt? Ok…I mean injured.”
“No?” Dani suddenly looked up at him again and frowned. “What?”
“No, no…I don’t mean anything. But your hand is cut.” He gently turned his hand
over to reveal the palm to the HRC rider. “But you’re not injured. Just this.”
Dani stared down at it and shook his head. “No.”
“Ok, that’s good. So we need to get some sleep.”
“Can’t.”
“I think you can. I think you have to. So we’ll try that first, ok? Here? Or
upstairs?”
A nod. “Here.”
Valentino nodded in return and undid one of the Honda rider’s shoes and pulled
it off, before doing the same with the other. “Ok.”
“You’ll be here?”
“I will. I’m just going to go to the bathroom.”
“Ok.” The smaller rider nodded and lay down as Vale walked out the room and
into the bathroom, locking himself in and staring into the mirror.
Oh my God. He stared back at himself and watched his eyes start to well up
before shaking his head and sniffing as though that would help him to control
it. He’s just broken.
He locked eyes with the reflection and took a deep breath, flushing the toilet
unnecessarily and washing his hands.
Is this what I did to him, before?
*
“You invited Pol?”
“Yeah…Is that ok?”
“Yeah, it’s fine, like I said on the phone. But I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be fine.” Marc smiled and shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ll be ok tomorrow. I’m fine.”
I think the opposite of that may be true. Alex watched as Marc finished another
drink, and replaced it with yet another, no one else seemingly aware of why
this was happening; everyone else buying the act. Except me. And Pol. He locked
eyes with the Pons rider across the room and shrugged in response to the
unasked question. I don’t know. I don’t have a clue.
*
This time, he had gone to sleep. Dani hadn’t. The Spaniard had just stayed
where he was, curled around the much taller frame of the Ducati rider and
breathing in a steady rhythm as he tried to trick himself into sleeping.
Vale woke up again as Dani moved, looking down at him and smiling. “Sorry, I
went to sleep.”
Dani nodded up at him, eyes tracking between eyes and lips, faces close
together, before leaning in and pressing his lips against the Italian’s. He
felt him respond for a few seconds before Valentino pulled away and shook his
head.
“That’s not the answer.”
Dani looked at him and then suddenly yanked himself free. “Fine.”
“Don’t be like that.” Vale grabbed his hand and tried to stop him, leaving Dani
to wince as he realised too late it was the one with the cut. “Sorry. I’m
sorry. And I’m sorry that you’re hurt. But that’s not going to make it better.
It’s probably going to make it worse.”
The Honda rider took his hand back and shrugged. “You know best.”
“No, I’m just thinking clearer.”
“Fine.” Dani shrugged and walked off towards the kitchen. “Everybody thinks
more clearly than me, right? Everyone figures it all out and plays their game.”
Nice. “I’m not playing a game. It’s just a bad idea.”
“Why? It’s not cheating on anyone. Isn’t this what you wanted?”
Vale listened to the sounds of clinking coming from the kitchen and realised
they were probably on to ‘drinking to forget’, rubbing his hands over his face
and sighing. “No. Not like this. And it’s not what you want either.”
“You know best.” The HRC rider reappeared and downed the biggest shot of
whatever-it-was that Vale had ever seen.
“This is an even worse idea.”
“Well…” Dani locked eyes with him and shrugged. “Maybe I don’t give a fuck.”
“Maybe you don’t, but I do. Please put it down.”
“No.” Another one. “If I’d known you were going to be my mother I wouldn’t have
called.”
“Ok, you know what? I’m trying to help. And I will try again, tomorrow. I’m
going to sleep, upstairs. If you want to come and join me, please do.”
*
“Can you help me take him home?”
Pol turned round and nodded, both of them looking back at Marc, still upright
but not well. “Yeah. Now?”
“Yeah.”
They made it back to the house ok, Marc reasonably happy to go with them,
reasonably able to walk on his own and talk. The stairs took a bit more effort,
but eventually the CatalunyaCaixa rider was sat on the end of his bed, Alex and
Pol taking it in turns to shh him as he kept almost yelling.
“Why? Why ‘ssshhhhhhhhh’?”
“Because mum and dad are asleep, ok? So don’t wake them up!”
“WHY ARE THEY ASLEEP?”
“SHHH!!!” Alex rubbed his face with his hands and shook his head. “They’re
asleep because it’s the middle of the night! Be quiet!”
“Oh. Ok.” Marc looked down and nodded to himself like he’d learned something
very important, before snapping his head back up as Alex started to leave.
“Where are you going?”
“Bathroom. Ok?”
“Oh. Ok.”
He left and made it down the hall before wondering if that had been a good
idea; leaving them alone.
*
“Are you staying here then?”
Pol stared at him and shrugged. “I’ll ask Alex.”
“Why don’t you ask me?”
“You’re drunk.”
“But it’s me you want to ask, right?”
The Pons rider held his eye contact and took a deep breath. “Yes.”
“So why don’t you ask?” Marc reached up and grabbed his hand, pulling him
closer and staring up at him from his perch on the bed, eye level perilously
low. “Hmm?”
Pol kept his eyes trained on the wall behind him, not looking down, as he tried
to stop himself. “Alex will be back in a minute.”
“You don’t want Alex. You want me.”
“Yes.” Pol finally looked down and nodded. “Yes, I want you.”
“So…?”
“So what?”
“That’s an invitation.”
Marc grabbed his t shirt and pulled his mouth down to meet his.
*
He just about got his hand on the door to push it further open before stopping
and staring. Pol was stood much closer to him, Marc staring up at him. And then
he reached up and grabbed his t shirt into a kiss.
That’s a bad idea.
He couldn’t pull his eyes off it, how Marc moved back on the bed and Pol
followed, crawling over him as Marc’s hand slid under his t shirt.
That’s a bad idea.
He stared a couple more seconds before dragging himself away and down to his
room, getting into bed and staring at the ceiling.
And I guess that proves I really don’t care about Pol. He sighed and turned
over. Because all I’m thinking about is Dani.
*
“No, no, no…” Pol pulled himself away and shook his head. “You’re too drunk.”
Marc stared at him and the moment of reality seemed to snap him out of it,
suddenly realising where he was and what he was doing and why. Pol rolled off
him and lay down next to him, staring at the ceiling until he realised Marc had
turned over to look at him, and he did the same, looking at the younger rider’s
face.
“Something bad happened, didn’t it?”
Marc nodded and his eyes welled up. “Yeah.”
Pol nodded at him and ran a thumb under Marc’s eye to catch a tear. “Whatever
it was, I’m sorry.”
Marc nodded again before losing it completely and turning his face into the
pillow, he slept with Valentino just about audible as he sobbed,
Pol taking a deep breath as he realised the scale of 'something bad'. He stayed
still for a second, wondering what to do, before deciding he should probably
just do what he felt he wanted to do, and pulled Marc across the last few
inches of distance between them, replacing the pillow with his chest and
wrapping his arm round him as Marc responded and clung on, tears wet against
the bare skin, voices suddenly softer and close together.
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…I can’t. I…It hurts too much.”
Pol nodded and moved so Marc was next to him rather than on top, arm still
holding him close, and looked into his eyes. “Then you have to let it out.
Don’t try and keep it in, just let it out.”
Marc pulled himself in closer and nodded against his chest.
***** You Should Try It *****
Chapter Notes
     Turns out I lied, and updated again ;)
     It's in one of those phases....
“Fuck.”
“I know."
“But…you didn’t, did you? You didn’t…sleep with him?”
“No, he just didn’t believe him.”
“Fuck.”
“I know!”
“So…what are you going to do now?”
“Try and get Dani sober. Find out what happened with Marc, whether he told him
or…brought the guy back here.”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
“You should see the fallout before you say that.”
“No, I promise you, he would not do that. I can’t believe he did it at all…what
did Dani say?”
“He just said ‘Marc went out and fucked a stranger’.”
“Right…well…what should I do?”
“You’re asking me?!”
“It’ll only happen once, so make it count.”
“Well…aren’t you bored with this yet? Everyone else’s problems?”
“I’m bored with people creating them but not bored with trying to help.”
“In that case you need to find Marc and beat into him that Dani didn’t cheat.”
“I was worried you were going to say that.”
“ Oh well…I thought you were best friends?”
“No. Not really. Not enough for me to probably have any authority in a
conversation like this.”
“I think the only person who had any authority is the one he broke.”
Jorge frowned at the word and cringed at what a mess Dani must be for it to be
used. “You know what I mean. In one ear and out the other if he doesn’t like
it.”
“Like you?”
“No. Not listening and not agreeing are different.”
“That’s true. So…you going to do that?”
The Mallorcan took a deep breath and looked up at Ricky, seeing the expression
saying exactly what he was feeling. For me, I probably shouldn’t. For Dani, I
should. But also for me, I should be the person who listens to the second
reason. “Yeah. I’ll go up later.”
“Ok. Good. And make him tell you what happened with him in Geneva. And find out
about that tweet, and Pol.”
“Right. I’ll try my best.”
“That’s usually pretty good.”
Jorge looked up at Ricky and saw his expression of happy surprise mirrored on
his friend’s face. “Careful. That was almost a compliment…”
“I’m just tired.”
“Obviously. Right…ok. Look after him.”
“I’m trying. I’m trying my best.”
“Like you said, that’s usually pretty good.”
“Hmm…It’s just usually, I’m doing it for me.
“You really care.”
“I really care. And from the second I turned up, I’ve been face to face with
the fact that he really loves the kid. So I’ll try. Maybe your best will have
to be better than mine. Call it revenge.”
“I don’t believe in revenge.”
“You should try it.”
*
Pol had just about freed himself from Marc, after over 7 minutes of very, very
gentle maneuvering, and gone to the bathroom. The light outside made him
realise it must be a lot later than he’d thought, and he immediately regretted
not putting any clothes on over his boxer shorts. Anyone could be awake.
He opened the door and looked each way before walking back down the hall much
more gingerly than on the way there, trying to remain invisible, before the
door to the parents’ bedroom opened and he found himself face to face with
Julià.
“Pol!” The older man looked him up and down, surprise, horror and amusement on
his face before getting himself back under control. “You…”
The Moto2 rider shrugged at him and smiled. “Me…”
“Did you go to the restaurant?”
“Yeah.”
“Ah. Ok.” They stared at each other for a few awkward milliseconds before the
Pons rider decided enough was enough and pointed at Marc’s door.
“I’ll…er…I’d better get back before he wakes up…”
Julià nodded at him and watched him go in relief, awkwardness over, before
stopping in abject shock at the top of the stairs as it hit him which room he’d
gone back into.
Wrong one.
*
“Morning.”
Alex looked up from his cereal and smiled at his dad. “Morning. Did we wake you
up?”
“What, Marc screaming about pizza in the middle of the night? Of course not.”
Alex laughed and shrugged. “But hopefully you heard me trying to make him be
quiet as well, right?”
“I did. The effort was appreciated, if unsuccessful.” The older man turned on
the coffee machine and took a deep breath, wondering how to say it. “So…you’re
not hungover.”
“No.”
“Will Marc be?”
“I’ll be surprised if we see him alive before 12.”
“Right.” He coughed nervously and tapped his fingers on the surface. “Is
there…anything…else? I should know?”
Alex frowned at him and shook his head. “Don’t think so?”
“Ok…I don’t know how to say this, but-“
“Oh. You mean Pol.”
Julià felt his eyes widen and nodded. “Yeah. You know?”
“YOU know?!”
“I just saw him coming out of the bathroom in boxer shorts.”
“Lucky.” Alex went red at having dared to say it, and then smiled at the look
on his dad’s face. “It’s fine. I don’t know what happened exactly, but Pol’s
always been all about Marc.”
“What?”
“Yeah. But it’s ok. I don’t care. I care about somebody else. I’m more worried
about Pol, to be honest.”
“What?!”
“Well if anything happened, he cares, and Marc doesn’t.”
“Right.”
Alex kept eating, flicking through a magazine so casually that Julià started to
think maybe he’d inherited Marc’s talent for pretending to be ‘fine’.
“You mean that?”
The younger brother looked up at him and smiled. “I mean it. Honestly. I mean
it.”
Ok, I believe you. “Ok. Good.”
Alex nodded and flipped the magazine shut, sighing. “I feel like I should ring
Dani.”
What?! “Why?”
He took a deep breath and nodded. “Because I don’t believe what Marc thinks. I
don’t believe he did it. I was there, and Valentino came, and he spent a lot of
time with Dani. I think they slept in the same bed one night. But I don’t
believe it happened.”
“I think you should stay out of it.”
“I knew you’d say that.”
“You think Dani will tell you?”
Alex thought for a second and nodded. “I think Dani will tell me, and I think
I’ll know whether he’s telling the truth.”
How and why. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I know.” Alex got up and took his bowl over to the sink. “I know you don’t,
and I know why. But it’s important. It’s really important.”
“But look what it’s done to your brother already.”
Alex nodded sadly at him and shrugged. Wow. He’s having a proper conversation
with me about this. “That’s what you see, maybe. But I think he might have done
it to himself. I don’t mean in a mean way, I think he’s just so threatened by
Valentino that he can’t see straight.”
“He said he did something bad.”
“He did.”
“What do you think that was?”
“I don’t know. That, I really don’t know. But it’s worth it.”
“You sure?”
“They’re both ambitious, they’re both successful. They’ve both won world
championships. And I think they’d retire at the flick of a switch if the other
asked them to. That’s either terrifying or incredible. But it’s something worth
trying to fix.”
Julià looked at him and nodded, smile spreading across his face as he pulled
him into a hug, pride evident. “I’m sorry.”
Alex hugged him back, tall enough, unlike Marc, to have his head resting on his
dad’s shoulder instead of crushed against his chest. “What for?”
“For how it’s been. With Marc and Dani, and Pol. And for not realising…you grew
up.”
“I’ll do something stupid in a minute and you’ll take that back.” He pulled
away and grinned at the expression. “I’m joking. If it was easy, what would you
learn?”
Julià narrowed his eyes and smiled. “I told you before, I will take that book
off you.”
Alex stuck his tongue out and shrugged. “Learn from the best, right? But Casey
didn’t write a book yet and Valentino’s pretty much the enemy. So I will keep
reading.”
“Just don’t…I don’t know. Don’t go too ‘Spartan’.”
“It’s better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not…”
“Life isn’t about quotes.”
Alex smiled and poked him before walking away. “I’m just teasing. He’s
interesting, but I’m a Pedrosista.”
“And that’s not why you’re trying to give Dani the benefit of the doubt?”
Alex shouted from the bottom of the stairs. “No!”
The fact that I’m happy to give him the benefit of the doubt is why I’m a
Pedrosista.
*
Marc woke up at 11.56 and groaned as he tried to roll over, finding a wall of
flesh in the way and exploring it with a confused hand before it yelped
slightly and brought the memory flooding back. Or parts of it.
Fuck.
He slowly opened his eyes and stared up at the eyes staring back at him.
“Morning. You feel pretty ill, right?”
Marc glared and nodded. “Yes.”
“What do you want first? Food or drink?”
“Both.”
Pol nodded and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before he got out the bed
and pulled on some jeans. “Give me 10 minutes.”
Marc nodded into the pillow and groaned again as his rival left the room,
pulling the pillow around his face and gradually feeling all the things he’d
tried to drink away start to gnaw back at him.
Dani and Valentino.
*
“You don’t have to.” Ricky was staring at him across the table and searching
through his eyes. “You really don’t.”
“I know.” Jorge felt himself start to flinch as the deep brown kept looking at
him, and leaned forward slightly with a smile. “I know.”
“Ok. Then let’s do it.”
“You don’t have to help.”
“I know.” The Moto2 rider actually reached out and squeezed the Mallorcan’s
hand for a brief second. “I know I don’t have to. But if you want me, I’m
here.”
Jorge nodded and pushed himself to his feet. “I know that. That’s why I hate it
when you knock.”
Ricky laughed and shrugged. “I’m just so underappreciated…”
“Too soon.” Jorge glared at him before smiling. “But I really appreciate it.”
“I know. That’s why I do it.”
*
“Coffee…” He put the cup on the bedside table followed by a plate of toast onto
Marc’s lap, on the duvet. “Toast.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Marc sighed and looked down at the plate before making eye contact again. “I’m
sorry I tried to-“
Pol shook his head and smiled. “No, no apologies. Be selfish for a while. You
want me to get back in?”
The CatalunyaCaixa rider nodded and smiled in sad gratitude. “Selfishly, yeah.
I don’t want you to leave. I want to stay in this room and lie here and cry and
have you tell me it’s ok.”
“I’ll try. Aleix is usually better at that.”
“Not for me.”
Pol nodded and slid himself back in, putting an arm back around Marc as he
snuggled against him and started eating the toast, some crumbs hitting Pol on
the chest as he did.
“That tickles.”
“I can’t get it all in my mouth.”
“-insert dirty joke here-“
Marc laughed, genuinely, and looked up at him. “I didn’t know you had a sense
of humour.”
“Well, you know..I didn’t know you liked me so I never bothered...”
What does that apply to? “Haha. Well…I’ve always liked you. And you’re hot.
But-“
“No, I know. You love Dani. It’s ok. I’m not in love with you. But I care. And
that’s fine.”
“It’s more than fine.” Marc swallowed and picked up the next piece of toast.
“It’s keeping me just about alive.”
“Then, that’s good.” The muscles in his stomach contracted as Marc dropped the
toast on him, face down. “Urgh. Thanks!”
Marc looked up at him in an ‘eek’ before they both laughed and he picked it
off, leaving a square of butter and jam behind. “Oops.”
“Story of your life.”
“Hey! That’s mean.”
“That’s what I always say in my helmet…”
They both laughed again before Marc held up the toast to inspect it. “How long
ago did you have a shower? Is this safe to eat?”
“About an hour before I saw you yesterday. So decide for yourself.”
Marc nodded and shrugged, taking the first bite and chewing before putting on
an expression of pantomime horror. “Urgh. It tastes like second place.”
Pol’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open at the cheek. “Fuck you!”
“I was only joking…”Marc pouted and smiled at the look on his face. “Phew, I
was worried.”
“I know you’re joking. And I will get you back one day.”
“I know. That’s why it’s ok to make the joke. You will.”
“Ok. Thank you. That’s nice.”
“I am nice.”
“Hmm…sometimes…”
“’But not on the track’, right?”
“EXACTLY.”
“And you’re a perfect gentleman…”
“No.” Pol laughed and shook his head. “That’s Terol.”
Marc giggled through his mouthful and nodded. “Yeah he needs to stop that.”
“He does.”
The CatalunyaCaixa rider moved the now empty plate onto the bedside table and
took a sip of coffee before turning round again and pointing at the butter and
jam remains. “Are you going to wipe that off?”
“Are you?”
Marc smirked at the challenge on his face and shrugged. “No problem.” He leant
down and licked it, slowly, feeling the muscle react to the touch and staring
up at him, both of them enjoying the flirting when knowing it was going
nowhere. “Tasty…”
“You missed a bit…”
Marc smiled and raised an eyebrow. “I’m not done.” He leant his head down again
and swirled his tongue over the ridiculously perfect patch of torso, admittedly
enjoying himself, as the door suddenly opened.
Great timing.
He cringed and looked at Pol’s face before daring to turn round and see who it
was.
Fuck.
“Your dad said you were home.”
“I am. Hi.”
Pol smiled nervously at her and waved slightly with his free arm, a classic
Espargaró movement. “Hi…”
***** The Truth Can Be A Bitch *****
Dani wasn’t picking up the phone. Not the home phone anyway, which was
programmed in to their home phone. I could get Marc’s phone, and find the
number. Assuming he hasn’t deleted it. He was about to go about that plan
before suddenly realising he had it anyway – the HRC rider had called him from
the hospital in Geneva. His finger hovered over the entry in the phone book
before daring to press ‘call’.
Do I want you to answer or do I really want you to not answer?
He waited and waited until finally it connected and his heart sank on hearing
the voice.
That’s not a good first step.
*
“What’s going on?”
Marc shrugged at her and smiled, fake as anything. “I’m licking jam off him.”
“YES.” Roser took a deep breath and tried to control herself. “Believe me, I
see that. Why are you here? Why is he here? What about Dani?”
Marc’s exterior wobbled for a few seconds before he got himself under control.
“Well…Dani cheated on me so if you could take your ‘I told you so’ somewhere
else, that would be great. And no, nothing’s going on here. I just dropped
toast and we were messing around.”
Roser took that all in and nodded. “Ok, fine. I’ll talk to you later, if you
want.” She disappeared back out the door and closed it.
“She doesn’t like me.”
Marc laughed slightly and shook his head. “I think, sometimes, maybe the
problem is that she doesn’t like me. Or who I am now.”
“Are you letting her try?”
They looked at each for a second before Marc shrugged, not fooling anyone.
“Maybe I’m not." He coughed and looked away. "Maybe it hurt too much before.”
Yes, put more walls up. That will help.
*
“It’s Alex. Marc’s brother.”
“I remember. Hi. It’s Valentino.”
“Er…yeah, I know. Is Dani there?”
“Dani’s drunk.”
“Oh.”
“There’s nothing going on, either. I just came back because he asked me to.
After what happened.”
“That’s why I’m calling. What did happen?”
“You were there. We slept in the same bed. He wasn’t ok. Then I left. Nothing
else.”
“So why does Marc think something else happened?”
“Because he saw messages between us. And he read them wrongly. I used the word
slept together, but I meant just that – sleep. Nothing happened. I promise you,
if that means anything.”
“It means something but it’s not enough.”
“I thought you might say that.”
“When you say drunk, is he passed out?”
“No. He’s not passed out. He’s just drunk and upset.”
Alex saw the images of ‘upset’ Dani flashing through his head and clenched his
teeth. “Right. Well, I want to speak to him.” He swallowed, and then nodded to
himself. “Please.”
“Ok. But he’s a mess.”
“It’s ok. I just need to talk to him.”
“Ok, he’s here.” There was rustling before Dani’s voice appeared. “Marc?”
Alex took a deep breath and shook his head at the irony. “No. It’s me. Alex.”
“Hi Alex. Do you still love me?”
The younger brother closed his eyes for a second and shook his head again.
“Yes. I do. You still love Marc?”
“I’ll always love Marc. Forever. I bought him a ring but he left.”
Oh God. Alex wondered whether his brother knew that and figured he probably
didn’t. And I won’t tell him. Because it will break his heart. “Ok…I need to
ask you something, and I need you to be honest, ok?”
“I’m always honest.”
I know. “Good. Did you have sex with Valentino?”
“Lots of times. But then he left me.”
“But recently. In December, when Marc was in hospital. Did you have sex with
Valentino?” How did my life turn out like this?!
“No. I didn’t. Marc thinks I did. But I didn’t. We went to sleep in the same
bed. And then Marc saw my messagessss and he went out and he slept with a
stranger.” The voice got more and more emotional until the last word was barely
audible. But it was.
Oh my God. Alex felt his heart hit the floor. ‘I did something bad’…you did
something terrible, not bad. And you did it because you got something wrong. He
tried to take another deep breath and stop himself betraying any hint of
surprise. “Ok. I’m sorry. That he did that. But I believe you. And I’ll tell
him that.”
“Please don’t. It’s broken.”
*
“Alex. It’s Jorge.”
“I have your number.”
“Oh. Ok. Well…Marc called me, before. And then I got…informed about what
happened. What do you know?”
“Everything, I think. You? I imagine more than everything.”
What does that mean?! “Maybe. But I do know that Dani didn’t cheat.”
“I know that too.”
“Right. Has Marc figured that out yet?”
“No. I was trying to beat some sense into him, but I spoke to Dani…he was so
drunk, he was so upset…” The emotion of it got more and more evident in his
voice until he paused and took a deep breath. “Because he said Marc went out
and cheated on him. Before he left. And…he told me not to try and fix it.”
“Right.” Oh dear. “I knew that. He said not to try?”
“He said it was broken.”
“He sounded broken.”
“He did. Did you…er…speak to Valentino?”
“Yeah. I guess you did too. Well…I was going to come up there and yell at him
until he listened, which he probably wouldn’t, but…I don’t know what to do. I
mean, if that’s…I don’t know. I’m hurt for your brother, but if he’s done that,
I don’t see there’s much we can do about it. It would just rely on Dani
forgiving him. And that could only rely on time.”
“I know. And Santi and Emilio have been calling all morning, because he’s
supposed to be going to Montmeló in 2 days to test.”
“Shit.”
“I know. I KNOW. I can’t believe he did this.”
“I can’t either. He’s made mistakes and I know me and Casey have pointed them
out, but…this wasn’t a mistake, it was revenge. It’s different.”
“I guess we can prove that revenge is pointless then, because he’s destroyed
Dani and himself.”
“Is he…how is he? Marc?”
“Not good. How he was before, when no one could really get through to him
except Dani. Pretending he’s fine. Drinking.”
“I saw the tweet.”
“Pol’s here now. I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Ok…well…when you kn-“ Jorge trailed off and sighed to himself. “Am I involving
myself or do you want my help?”
“I want your help. I like how you assume I’m going to try.”
“I saw your tweet. I’d hope ‘always try’ was at least one thing I got into the
book.”
Alex went slightly red and smiled to himself. “Yeah, I think you covered it.
So…what were you going to say? Let you know what I find out about Pol?”
“Exactly. If he’s done it again…”
“I know, I know. Ok, I’ll ask and talk to you again. A couple more things… 1. I
still have to convince him Dani didn’t cheat, because he has to try and get him
back. Dani can’t forgive him if Marc doesn’t make him try. 2. I don’t know If
you know, but Dani said he bought a ring. I don’t think Marc knows, but I
think…I don’t know…I think it shows it’s worth it. Right?”
“God.” The Yamaha rider let out a whistle of breath and sighed. “This is such a
fuck up.”
“I know. Right, Pol’s appeared, so I’ll talk to you soon, ok? Don’t come
up…yet.”
“Ok. I won’t. You’re…” Jorge trailed off and wondered how to put it without
sounding condescending, which was the exact opposite of what he was trying to
convey. “You’re…doing well, you know?”
There was a pause from the other end of the line before Alex coughed slightly.
“Thanks. You might have to say that a few more times. He’s not going to like
it.”
“The truth can be a bitch.”
“I guess I’m finding that out.”
*
“Hey.” Pol smiled at him and shrugged awkwardly. “I…should probably explain…”
“Yeah, probably.”
The Moto2 rider winced slightly before frowning at Alex’s face, not hurt at
all. “Well…nothing happened.”
“I saw you kiss him.”
“Oh, well…yeah. I…well, no…he kissed me. But then we just went to sleep. I
promise.”
“Hey, I don’t mind. About you.” He noticed the face and winced himself. “Sorry,
I don’t mean that in a mean way, but it’s ok. I just didn’t want him to have
cheated on Dani…last night.”
“He didn’t.”
“Good.”
“But he did lick jam off my stomach, if your mother mentions it…”
Alex tried to tut at him before laughing. “Oh dear…”
“Yep. But I think it’s ok. I mean…she didn’t…go crazy…”
“Ok, good. Would be even better if she’d, you know…see what’s at stake and
help, but still…”
“I know. But don’t take it out on her.”
“I don’t, usually. But M-“
“I know, I think he’s just hurt.”
“I know.”
They looked at each other and smiled again, situation strange in a way but
somehow more normal than if they’d meant more to each other.
“Well…I need to go. He’s awake.”
“Ok. I’ll see you soon. Have a safe ride back…”
“I’ll try. Look after him, yeah?”
“I’ll do my best. I don’t think he’ll like it.”
“What do you mean? He got cheated on!”
Alex mulled it over for a split second before shaking his head, realising that
probably cast his dice firmly in Team Dani. But not against Marc. If anything,
for him. But of a different opinion. “He thinks he did, but nothing happened.
He’s just…I don’t know. Threatened by Valentino? He doesn’t believe them when
they say nothing happened.”
“Oh.” Pol’s face fell. “Shit. But you believe them?”
Alex shrugged and nodded. “I really do.”
*
“Ok, we’re not going. Today. We’re training.”
Ricky pressed pause on the cross trainer and looked over at him. “Oh, right.
Well…I’m already training, of a different kind. And you need to sleep.”
“I’m fine. Let’s go!” He tried a convincing smile before his fellow Spaniard
wagged a finger at him.
“Don’t even try it.”
“Try what?”
“Pretending you’re fine. You’re not 17, you know. Admit you’re a bit fucked and
go to sleep.”
Jorge frowned at him for a second before relenting under the unrelenting
knowing of the expression on his friend’s face. “Fine. Ok. I’ll sleep.”
“Good.” Ricky grinned at nodded. “I didn’t even need to argue with you?!”
“No, you’re right.”
“Usually. GO.”
And for the first time in his life, he did what he was told happily.
*
“A lot of people called to talk to you.”
Dani? “Right. I guess I shouldn’t have tweeted…”
“Probably not.” The younger brother walked into the room and sat on the edge of
the bed. Marc was still in bed, staring at the ceiling. “But I know you’re
hurt.”
The Catalunya Caixa rider nodded and shrugged, eyes welling up again. “I…I
don’t know what to do.”
Alex nodded at him and took a deep breath. “I know you’re hurting.”
“I feel like I want to die.”
The CEV rider nodded and let that hang in the air for a few seconds. “I know
you love him.”
“So much.”
“I know. I know that. He loves you.”
Marc laughed, bitterly, and wiped his eyes. “Yeah. So much he fucked Valentino
Rossi.”
Alex pepped himself up for a second before going for it. “Why do you think he
did?”
“I saw the messages.”
“You know ‘slept together’ could just mean went to sleep together. Like you and
Pol just did.”
“It could, and with anyone else I would have waited and asked. Even apologised
for going through his phone. But it’s Valentino. He’s been trying to get him
back since the moment he rang when we went public. And I guess he won.
Obviously he won. He’s not on a Ducati, here. He’s older than me, he’s better
looking, richer…a lot richer. He has everything Dani ever wanted and he’s in
love with him. So it’s obvious.”
“You mean Valentino loves Dani?”
“Yeah. Dani doesn’t love him. Although he obviously doesn’t love me either.
That’s what kills me. I know he doesn’t love him. So what does that say about
me? It says I’m worth throwing away for a fuck.”
Alex felt the irony and bit his tongue. “Ok…going back, he’s older. Why does
that matter if Dani loves you?”
Marc went quiet and then shrugged. “He’s his own person. He’s experienced. All
those things that I’ve never done are normal to him. Like, I had to call Dani
to pick me up, once, because I ran too far from home and was too tired to get
back. Things like that. I don’t think things through. I’d never even flown on
my own before this happened.”
“That’s normal. You probably just kept going until you were tired, right?”
“I ran until I couldn’t stand up.”
“Why?”
“To prove I could. To prove I wasn’t ill.”
“Exactly.”
“No, not exactly!” Marc slammed his arms against the mattress. “It’s not good
enough! I couldn’t even call the doctor to get everything sorted. I couldn’t
even make the most important phone call of my life because I was too scared.
How can that compete with that guy? Honestly?” He locked eyes with Alex and
shrugged. “There’s no way.”
“There is.”
“You’re really trying to have this conversation?”
“I’m not trying, I’m winning.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“He didn’t cheat on you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it!”
“I know it’s hard.” Alex lowered his voice again and tried to stay calm. “I
know it feels horrible. But it feels horrible because of something that’s not
true.”
“How do you know?!”
“I talked to them, and I believe them.”
Marc looked at him like he was evil. “What?!”
The younger brother nodded and tried to stand up to it. “Yeah. I called Dani. I
asked him if it was true. And he said you were wrong, and he was drunk out of
his mind and crying down the phone.”
Marc’s nostrils flared as he desperately tried not to lose it, either his
temper or composure, Alex wasn’t sure, before he managed to talk again. “You
called him.”
“Yeah.”
“You said ‘them’.”
“Yeah. I spoke to Valentino too. He wasn’t drunk or crying, and he denied it.
He said that ‘slept together’ meant just that – they went to sleep. Like I
said…like you and Pol.”
“I don’t believe it. And I can’t believe you do.”
Alex nodded at him and got ready to say what he knew would make or break it.
Although today it’ll probably just break it, it’s later maybe it will sink in.
“Ok, listen to me. I know what you’re saying. I understand how you feel. And I
know it’s Valentino Rossi we’re talking about. But it doesn’t matter who it is
on that side of it. What matters is that it’s Dani on your side of it.”
“Please leave.”
“I knew you’d say that. We’re trying to help.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. Because it’s not a problem that can be helped. It’s
just going to be there in my chest for however long it takes to go out or go
numb. I’m done talking. Please leave.”
“I will, but I believe him. And not too long ago you would have leapt off a
cliff if I told you it was safe. The problem isn’t that Dani cheated, it’s that
you believe it.”
***** 99 *****
Chapter Notes
     Another one! Woo weekend, and F1 weekend so all my personal plans are
     in the day ;) so I should be asleep..but I'm not...so here we are :)
     Hope you're still with me here :)
Alex was half way down the stairs before he stopped and cocked his head.
Arguing. In the kitchen.
“I don’t care if you were right or not. And he’s not going to, either. I’m not
doing this again, I mean it. I’m not doing it.”
“Doing what?!”
“Deciding what we want to happen and then making everybody else do it.”
“That’s not what happened.”
“That’s what almost happened, but he walked out. But you don’t seem to
understand that he didn’t walk out for Dani, he walked out for himself.”
“What does that mean?”
“All you seem to remember is that he left because you said Dani couldn’t stay,
but that’s not what happened. What happened is that he told us the biggest
thing in his life and we told him it wasn’t true. And then, calmly, he decided
enough was enough and he left. He left because he felt betrayed, and upset.”
“I knew you blamed me.”
“I’m not blaming anyone. But don’t you see the precedent?! He didn’t expect
this from us, he thought it would be a shock, but be ok. But we just
disappeared. And Dani became that one thing he could rely on. But he took more
than that from it – because it taught him that that one thing he could rely on
might just turn around and not be there. Like we weren’t. And that’s what he
thinks has happened.”
 There was a long sigh and Alex could imagine her nodding.“I’m scared you’re
right.”
“I know. It’s no one’s fault. That’s not what I’m saying. But he’s not
bulletproof, like he seems. I think we forgot that too, for a while. Everything
caved in on him at once, and we were too scared he might not be ok to really
take it on. And Dani did, and we were too scared we’d fucked up to let him go
without making it worse.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Let’s concentrate on sorting it out. Because Dani didn’t cheat on him.”
Alex listened to his mother reply positively before going down the rest of the
stairs more noisily and going into the kitchen, smiling and making himself a
drink.
So they don’t believe he did it either.
*
He’d forced him into the shower, he’d forced him to eat, he’d forced him to
drink water and he’d forced him to sleep. He’d talked to Jorge a couple of
times, he’d talked to Uccio, and he’d drunk too much coffee. He couldn’t really
do much else. Eventually, he’d sent Dani to get more sleep and called the
cleaner in.
“You need this?”
She held up a piece of paper and Vale frowned at her.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. Phone number or something. You want to see it?”
“Yeah.” He took it from her and unrolled it to look, not understanding until he
read the note above it. Oh, fuck. This is the guy. He stared at it for a for
more seconds before looking up at the cleaner and nodding.
“Thanks, I do need this.”
*
Marc lay there looking at the ceiling for most of the day, getting more and
more angry until he eventually snapped and hauled himself out. Why does no one
believe it?! He pulled on clothes and stared at himself in the mirror for a few
seconds before slamming out the door and down the stairs.
“Right, I can hear you whispering. What are you deciding I have to do now?”
Everybody looked up at him with such concern that it was almost annoying.
“Nothing. The opposite. We were deciding what we should do now.”
“Oh, to help, I guess? Maybe you could put a hit out on Valentino Rossi.”
“That’s not funny.”
“I didn’t say it was a joke.”
“Stop it.”
“I would do anything to do that but I CAN’T.” Marc suddenly felt the anger
disappear back into despair and helplessly shrugged at them, abruptly sitting
down on the sofa. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I can’t…I…” He felt tears start
to track down his cheeks and shrugged again. “I can’t do anything.”
Roser got to her feet and walked a few steps towards him, like he was
dangerous, or was going to get spooked. “Don’t cry.”
“I don’t have a choice.”
She nodded at him, seeming to understand that, and was then stood in front of
him. “I know.”
“You don’t know. Don’t tell me you know.”
“Ok, maybe I don’t know.” She smiled at him and shrugged slightly at the
disbelief on his face at her having admitted that. “Because I’ve only ever
loved your dad. And we’ve never gone through anything like this.”
“Then you don’t know.” He sounded more like he was in a conversation at least,
rather than an argument. “You don’t know.”
“Maybe I don’t. But I’m trying to imagine. And it hurts, a lot.”
Marc nodded and squeaked slightly as he tried not to cry again. “It hurts a
lot.”
“I know. And I want to talk to you about that. Because your dad has a theory.”
The Moto2 rider looked up to where his dad and Alex had been stood before,
realising they’d gone. “Oh.”
“You said before that I should leave the ‘I told you so’. And I will. Because
we got it wrong.”
“No, I got it wrong. With Dani.”
“No.” She shook her head and smiled at him, talking to him gently, as though he
was a child, but not condescendingly. Just gently. “You didn’t get it wrong. I
don’t think you did. When you were ill, you know…we were terrified. We were so
terrified because our baby, our little bulletproof fighter, he was suddenly not
that anymore. It was really scary. And we let that get in the way of facing up
to it. You did that too, so you must understand what I mean.”
Marc was staring at her, eyes wide and, for the first time in a long time,
receptive. “I know.”
“Alex told me what you said to him. And it wasn’t you being scared, it was all
of us. It was just that scary, and we all tried to ignore that a bit. Except
Dani.” She watched as he bit his lip to try not to cry, again. “Listen. You’re
listening?”
He nodded.
“Good. So we were scared, and Dani was the one that stood up and took it on.
But then I was scared that I’d lose you. You know the rest of what happened
there. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was shocked, and I was scared that he
would hurt you and he’d take you away. But then I made you go, didn’t I?
Because I didn’t take you seriously. But I’m taking you seriously now.”
“I..I see that.”
“Good. Because it’s important. I’m sorry if I hurt you, and I’ll never do that
again.”
She next down next to him and put an arm around his shoulders, feeling him
brace against it and then start to relax.
“You don’t have to call Pol Espargaró if you want a hug, you know.”
He nodded and briefly smiled as he relaxed against her, spending a few seconds
trying to think it all through before he gave up on keeping the barrier up and
nodded into her shoulder, grabbing on and feeling the tears come back.
“Sometimes I still don’t believe it happened.”
He buried his face in her shoulder and felt his own shoulders start to shake as
he lost it again, part of him wanting to stay there forever and still a small
part wanting to pull himself together and 'show her'. Roser held onto him and
let him cry and talk at her for almost an hour before it seemed to start to dry
up.
This is it…
“Do you want to know the theory?”
*
“Hello. I know this may be a stra-“
“I don’t speak Italian. Hello?”
“Oh, ‘ello. I, er...forget you write in English on the paper.”
“Ok. What?! Who is this?”
“Oh, sorry. I should explain. I found a note with your number in my house. I
think my boyfriend meet you before, in Geneva. But is ok, I just need to know
what ‘appen. He won’t talk to me.”
There was a long pause before the voice responded. “He never said he had a
boyfriend.”
“Like I say, is ok. I just want information.”
“We’re talking about Marc?”
Valentino felt his heart sink slightly as he realised he’d got it right. “Yeah,
his name is Marc.”
*
“You don’t trust Dani, because of me.”
Marc stared and her and frowned. “What?!”
Roser nodded and brushed some hair off his face. “Because when you needed to
trust me more than anything, I let you down.”
“This is different.”
No denial that I did, then. She nodded at him and smiled, sadly, more for
herself than anything. He’s right. “This is different, yes. Because we don’t
think Dani let you down.”
The Moto2 rider sat there and stared, shaking slightly as the only visible
reaction, everything conflicted, but still listening.
“You see your dad thinks that it taught your brain that, no matter how much you
think someone will never let you down, they will, in the end. Because I did.
And that’s why you think Dani cheated. Because it flicked a switch that said
‘it’s happened again’. But it didn’t happen again, not really.”
“It did.”
“I know you think it did.” She held his gaze and saw the visible change in his
eyes, from hurt to terrified. “But you said a few times tonight, you can’t
believe he did it. That’s the right reaction. The part of you that wants to go
and scream at him to explain. The part of you that hopes it’s not true enough
to go and ask.”
Nothing.
“Marc? Are you still listening?”
Nod.
“I know it might take a while for you to think this through, but tell me,
now…are you 100% sure? Or 99?”
He swallowed, hard, and closed his eyes for a few seconds, taking in gulps of
air.
"nnn."
"What?"
He opened his eyes again and locked them on hers.
“99.”
*
“I met him in a bar. He was sat there drinking, and I bought him a bottle of
whiskey. We got talking. He was fun, and we got a taxi back to my apartment.”
“Ok. And, er…what ‘appen?”
“We talked a bit longer, and then he kissed me...”
*
“I’m not going to say anything else. We’re here. Everybody’s here for you if
you need us. If you want to be left alone for some space, that’s ok. But we’re
here, and I don’t want you to ever feel like we’re not.”
He nodded, distracted and miles away, and didn’t move until she’d squeezed his
arm and gone.
99.
*
“Feeling better?”
“Feeling better.”
“Good. It’s a bit…dark to train, now. Food?”
“You offering to cook?”
“Yes. Obviously.”
“Then…yeah!” Jorge sat down opposite him at the table and widened his eyes.
“I’m starving.”
“I know.”
“How?”
“I can actually hear it.”
The Mallorcan stared down at his stomach and back up at his friend. “Sorry…”
“It’s ok. Just like you, it complains loudly when it’s unhappy.”
“Hey! I’m feeling fragile.”
“I know, I know. And you know I’m joking.” Ricky walked around behind him and
prodded him in the back. “So don’t be a princess. Pasta?”
“Pff. But yeah, pasta.”
“Good. Because that’s all you own.”
“Shit. I keep forgetting about living. Like...food and tidying up...”
“I know. Although to be fair, if there’s no cookable food here it means you
won’t cook, so that can only be positive…”
*
He’d asked, and he’d been advised that it was a bad idea. But that’s all it
was: advice, and they’d let him go. Not happily, but acceptingly. So he was on
a bike, alone in the dark, again, and heading back down towards the city, but
not all the way there. Not quite.
*
“Thanks for dinner.”
Ricky looked across the sofa at him and smiled. “That’s ok. Can you stop being
so polite?”
“Believe me, I’m trying.”
“Try harder.”
“That’s what my dad always used to say…” He kept a straight face for a couple
of seconds before turning and grinning, sticking his tongue out.
Ricky laughed before turning the TV on and shhing him. “Now shut up. I want to
just relax and not think.”
“You’re good at that.”
A hand slapped him on the arm and he was shh’d again. “Don’t.”
“Fine.” Jorge smiled to himself and mirrored his friend’s low slouch on the
sofa, only realising 20 minutes later that the back of his hand had been
resting against Ricky’s since he’d moved. Close. But still comfortable.
Once the show was over, Ricky seemed to look down at their hands, and then back
up at the TV, waiting for whatever was next, feeling the slight pressure as
Jorge leant against him, closer by millimetres but suddenly next to him.
Well…this is different. And I don’t hate it.
An hour later, they were officially sat ‘together’ on the sofa. Half an hour
after that, Jorge was officially leaning on him, and Ricky’s arm was starting
to make the slow journey from along the sofa back, to slightly further down, to
slightly further down still. It hadn't happened before, and both of them were
pretending to pay zero attention to it.
And then the doorbell rang.
*
“So you promise you’re not gonna hunt me down or anything?”
Valentino laughed, forgetting the role for a second. “No, I promise. Thank you
for telling me. I, er… appreciate a lot.”
“That’s ok. So, I’m sorry, anyway. I hope you get it figured out.”
“At least I know the truth, now.”
“I guess…bye.”
“Ciao.”
He pressed cancel on the call and hung his head, brain doing overtime.
I love Dani.
So I want him to be happy.
He picked up the bit of paper and tore it up before putting it in the bin.
But I also want him.
But I want him to be happy.
*
“Hi.”
Jorge stared at him for a few seconds, not really from shock at seeing him
there, drenched and shivering and defeated, more from his brain catching up
with what had just been happening on the sofa. Ignore that. He greeted Marc and
let him in. For now.
“I’m sorry I came.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m only here because I can’t deal with everything myself.”
“It’s ok.” Jorge chauffeured him through into the kitchen, suddenly realising
why he wasn’t moving. He’s never been here before. “Coffee? Or something else?”
“Nothing else. That would definitely be a bad idea.”
“Yeah, sorry. It probably would. So coffee?”
“I’m not an alcoholic. And yeah, thanks.”
“I know, I know. But I also know what’s happened.”
“Oh. How much?”
The Mallorcan turned back from the coffee machine and shrugged apologetically.
“Everything, I think.”
“Oh. Right.” Marc was just about to carry on talking before he frowned as he
heard a yawn and looked up to see Ricky in the doorway, grey t shirt and black
sweat pants, blanket as a shawl. “Oh! Sorry!” The Catalunya Caixa rider looked
back at Jorge with an ‘eek’ face. “I didn’t know you had company…”
“Hey, it’s not company, it’s me.” Ricky wandered in and put the blanket on the
countertop next to him. “Carry on. It’s too late, anyway, I know everything.
Sorry.”
“Oh. Ok. No, that’s ok. I mean…if he knows, you know. Right?”
Jorge frowned back at Marc and smiled. “What?”
“That’s just how it is. You share. I’m ok with it.”
We share. “Right…ok…” He was about to turn back to the machine before Ricky
almost elbowed him out the way.
“I’ll make it. Coffee?”
The Mallorcan nodded at him, slightly slower than normal, smirk evident.
“Thanks. For him too.” They locked eyes for a few seconds. “If it’s ok?”
Ricky read the subtext of the words and the look and nodded. “It’s ok.”
“Good.”
A couple more seconds elapsed before Marc coughed, not intentionally trying to
break the moment but doing it anyway. They snapped out of it and Jorge turned
away and sat down opposite the younger rider, noticing the shiver again and
pushing the blanket towards him. “Do you want that? Or towels, or clothes?”
Marc shook his head and smiled. “I’m ok.”
“Don’t lie.”
He narrowed his eyes slightly before relenting and grabbing the blanket. “Ok.”
He wrapped himself up and took a deep breath. “So…when you say everything?”
“I mean, I know you think Dani cheated on you with Valentino. And then
everything else.”
“Right.” Marc nodded and shrugged. “I think you already answered my question.”
Ricky put a cup in front of each of them and sat down next to Jorge with his
own. “You came to ask him if he believed it, right?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, I don’t.” The Yamaha rider watched Marc start to crumble. “I spoke to
Valentino and Dani, and they both said it didn’t happen.”
Marc tried to keep himself together before giving up and leaning down the rest
his forehead against the cool surface of the worktop for a few seconds. “Fuck.”
He sat up again and put his hands over his eyes as it started to become tears.
“Fuck fuck fuck.”
Jorge and Ricky looked at each other then back at the younger rider.
“You believe me?”
“I don’t know what to believe.” Crying now. “I was so sure. But then my
mother…she…I don’t know. She made me doubt. NO.” He shook his head and stared
into his cup. “She made me believe. She asked me if I was a hundred percent
sure.”
“And?”
“And I said 99.”
Jorge and Ricky looked at each other again.
“So I came here.”
“You came here because you were 99% sure?”
Marc wiped his eyes and nodded. “99. I thought you’d probably tell me the
truth. Even if it hurt. I thought you’d probably tell me I was right.”
Right. You’re not. He tried to be gentle, lowering his voice and waiting for
the impact. “I don’t think you are.”
The younger rider stared at him for a few seconds “I KNOW YOU DON'T.” He sobbed
a few more times and shrugged. “I heard you, ok? I heard you. No one does.”
You’ve got to break down the walls before you can rebuild... The Yamaha rider
waited a few seconds and took a sip of coffee before taking a deep breath. “Ok.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry all this is happening...."
Marc was staring into the cup again, muttering '99' to himself.
"But there's something else I wanted to ask you." Jorge looked at Ricky and saw
the 'no, don't' before ignoring it. "Because no one’s asked you about what you
did, have they?”
Marc 's eyes snapped up from the cup to meet his, burning across the room.
Confusion, hate or guilt?
"What?"
"I think you know what."
***** 99+1 *****
“What? What did I do?!”
Jorge looked at him across the table, looking so genuine; so genuinely
confused. Is he blocking it out? Did he forget? Or is he the best liar I’ve
ever seen? He frowned at him, Marc’s eyes looking back at him so round and
worried, before looking at Ricky. The look on his face was similar to what he
imagined was on his own: suspicious and confused, but somehow still willing to
hear him out. The Mallorcan locked his eyes on Marc’s and leant forward
slightly, a tiny part of him simultaneously worried but proud as he watched the
flash of nerves cross the younger rider’s face.
“Ok. I think we know each other pretty well by now, yeah? We don’t agree, on a
lot of things, but we have fun. That’s fine. But I respect you and I assume
from you turning up here, just to see what I thought, that you respect me as
well. So if my word is enough to convince you you might be wrong, you must know
that when I say this I mean it. Ok?”
Marc nodded and gulped slightly, eyes still round. “Yeah…?”
“I want you to go through something for me, and if you lie to me, we’re done. I
can’t keep wading into this if everyone else is giving up. So you have to be
honest, and if I think you’re not being, you’re on your own. Ok?”
The younger rider’s face didn’t change, but he nodded, conscious of the dead
serious tone.
“Good.” Jorge took a sip of his coffee and steadied his nerves. Pull the pin…
“You saw Dani’s phone. You got upset. You left the house. You went to Geneva.
Then what?”
Marc frowned at the simplicity of the question. “Then, what? I got drunk and a
taxi home from wherever I was, I think. Then we had an argument the next day
and I left.”
“Really? Really?”
Does he mean the guy who bought me the whiskey?! How does he know about that?!
“Yeah. In fact, my bike’s still in that Mont Blanc car park or whatever it's
called.”
Lorenzo sighed and shrugged slightly at him. Come on! One more chance. “What
happened that night, Marc? Last chance. I’m already on 99.”
*
The life I should have had, probably. Lake Geneva. Better tax rates. Nice city.
Peace. Well-connected. And him.
He watched the smoke spiral into the sky and away over the water as he sat and
thought it through, conscious of the cold but grateful for the peace, sprawled
in a deck chair in the garden enjoying the last cigar from the stash he’d
bought before. Conflicted.
Maybe I could get that back. I probably could. I think I can. I just have to
keep this to myself. But doing that would make me the same Valentino as before,
the one he didn’t want to try and fix. But he wouldn't know that... He sighed
and blew a smoke ring. Or maybe for it to work I'd have to win in a fair fight
anyway. Marc versus me. Right now in his head I would probably win... But…
“Hey.”
The Italian jumped slightly at the word and looked back towards the house, Dani
walking towards him and dressed, in proper clothes. And almost smiling. But
this is not a fair fight. He doesn't know. “Hey. You look better?”
The Spaniard shrugged slightly and nodded. “I thought if I looked alive it
might trick me into feeling alive.” He walked up behind Vale and put a hand on
each of his shoulders before resting his chin on the top of his head and
blowing into the little cloud of smoke in front of them, sending it off across
the water. “It didn’t work.”
“Well it’s a better view, at least…”
Dani nodded against his head and laughed softly before reaching around to take
the cigar from the Italian with his bandaged hand. “Thanks?”
“You’re welcome.” Vale tracked the trail of smoke that seemed to appear from
his forehead before the cigar was returned to him. “What happened to your hand?
Do you remember?”
Another nod moved both of their heads. “I smashed a glass in the sink. Before
he left, I think. Must be from that.”
“You probably should have gone to the hospital.”
The irony of those words, explaining exactly what would have avoided
everything, hit them both at the same time and silence descended briefly before
Dani coughed and snapped himself out of it. “Maybe. I was a bit preoccupied.
And it’s not that bad, it just looks ugly. It’s almost closed up now, anyway.”
It’s not that bad, it just looks ugly… “Good.”
They stayed still for a few seconds before Dani stood up and pulled another
chair out next to him, Vale immediately feeling the lack of skin contact and
sighing slightly. Closed up.
“So, now I’m sober and awake, I want to say thank you for coming.”
“It’s ok. I wasn’t going to say no, was I?”
Dani shrugged and took the cigar as it was offered. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I wasn’t ever going to say no.”
“Thank you for being here.”
Thank you for letting me be here. “It’s ok.”
The HRC rider nodded and smiled at him before looking out over the lake and
sighing, everything around them still and serene. “Never thought I’d end up
here again.”
I know the feeling. “Which bit?”
Dani smiled at him and pointed between them. “Me and you. Cigars and Lake
Geneva.”
“Ah. I know what you mean.” Me and you? He blew a smoke ring and looked away
again. “Me and you and Lake Geneva.”
“Exactly. It’s like nothing really changed at all.”
Maybe. “I’ve changed?”
Dani looked at him and took a deep breath before nodding. “Yeah seems like it."
He smiled and shrugged. "But maybe I’m not the best judge!”
Valentino laughed slightly to himself and shrugged back at him, happy to brush
that under the rug. Because fair fights are just fine, but they’re easier to
lose.
*
Marc bristled slightly at the tone, feeling more and more irritated rather than
confused. “What? Why does that matter?”
“It matters. It matters a lot.”
“What has it got to do with you?”
Jorge felt something snap slightly, not up to a hundred percent sure yet but
certainly less patient. “It really hasn’t. But you’re the one sat in my kitchen
drinking my coffee listening to my opinion. Help isn’t always what you want to
hear.”
“Doesn’t exactly sound like you’re trying to help, though. It sounds like
you’re trying to accuse me of God-knows-what.”
“I’m not accusing. I’m asking.” The Mallorcan returned Marc’s look with a lot
more edge than he’d dared since the younger rider had appeared on the doorstep.
“If you see the irony.”
*
“I’m going to bed.” Dani got to his feet and looked down at him. “You coming? I
won’t try and do anything, don’t worry.”
Valentino nodded and smiled at him. “I wasn’t worried about that. Believe me,
that’s not why I said no. You weren’t thinking.”
“I was, but it would have made it worse.” The HRC rider shrugged and smiled
sadly. “But you put me first.” Dani took his hand as they walked back up to the
house. “So, let's go to sleep.”
Valentino squeezed his hand and nodded. You trust me again. He felt his heart
flip between warmth and bitter irony. I’m just deciding whether I trust myself.
*
Marc’s nostrils flared as he tried to keep calm and measured, glaring back at
the Yamaha rider over the table. “Oh, I see it. Nice of you to point it out.”
“I’m not interested in being nice right now. I’m interested in being honest and
seeing where we are.”
“I see that, too.” The Catalunya Caixa rider got to his feet and took the last
sip of coffee before slamming the mug down. “And where we are is in the middle
of another lesson, I guess. Don’t count on you, either. People just keep
surprising me. Or proving my hope wrong.”
Jorge nodded at the outburst, calm obviously annoying the younger rider and
giving him even more incentive to maintain it, on the surface at least. “Me
too. Especially you. I remember what it’s like being 17. And I’ve also seen
none of that in you. Until now. So, yeah. I guess we have our cards on the
table.”
Marc glared down at him and shrugged, packed full of insolence and spite, eyes
betraying the hurt and brain quickly ticking-over, trying to figure it out
behind the façade. “Insults, now?”
“You know, that’s the thing. I’m not insulting you, I’m being honest. I’m
saying that because I think it’s more constructive than hurtful, even if it
hurts. But you won’t use it. You won’t give me the benefit of the doubt. Which
is what I am...or was...doing with you.”
“What are you talking about? You were giving me the benefit of the doubt?! For
what?!”
“Ok, I’ve hit 100. You cheated on Dani.” He shrugged at the look on his face
and pointed at the door. “Go home.”
*
He was ok up to the door, but past that was sketchy. 20 metres from the bike,
he stopped to lean on his knees and try and control himself for the last dash,
thinking that once his helmet was on and he was kicking it into gear, instinct
would take over. He repeated that to himself before standing up and making it
across the last bit of distance.
I can’t believe he said that.
A very, very small part of him was aware that – if he believed Jorge about Dani
and Vale, and he still did to an extent – then the way he was feeling under the
weight of accusation was the same as what Dani was feeling because of him.
Which is much worse. But he didn’t think about that, he just felt the rage and
pain swirling in his chest, wondering how anybody knew anything about it and
why they thought that had happened. He got on the bike and pulled on his helmet
and gloves, kicked up the side stand and then twisted the throttle. Maybe a bit
too much. Maybe he let the clutch out a bit too slowly. But it was loud, and
satisfying.
*
“He’s going. I think he’s actually going.” Ricky was stood at the window
watching Marc’s departure, both of them wondering if he’d do it and really
leave or if his conscience would kick in at some point and bring him back.
“He’s set off.”
“Yeah I can hear that. Well, I give up. Fuck-“
“Ooh! No! Stoppie!! He’s stopped. Near the gate.” Jorge watched his friend’s
face trying to figure out the movements of the figure in the dark. “He’s bent
over with his helmet on the tank. I think he’s crying.”
Great.
*
He’d not meant to do it, but his foot had missed the rear brake, because it had
suddenly hit him all at once and sent him physically and emotionally shooting
off in all directions. So the front brake lifted him up for the second shock in
short succession, before he felt himself start to go cold as his brain replayed
the scene.
“Evidence, Dani. If you’re going to commit a crime, at least get rid of the
evidence.”
He leant down and relaxed against the tank as it all suddenly made sense. And
not only made sense, but made everything worse.
I remember.
He sat there for too long for him to really know how long it was, engine
ticking over, in neutral, leaning on the tank. After a while, a hand appeared
and turned the key.
“Let’s go back inside.”
*
Ricky watched him walk down the drive and reach Marc, saying a few words to no
effect. Then he leaned over and turned the key and the last vestige of noise
died down, and he could hear the words.
“Let’s go back inside.”
Marc didn’t move, just stayed the same, probably not even aware that the
Mallorcan was there.
“Marc. I’m sorry if I upset you. I meant everything I said, but I’m trying to
say it for good reasons. Come back inside and we’ll try and sort it out. Or
we’ll talk it through. See what your side is.”
No response, and the Yamaha rider put one leg on either side of the front wheel
and put his face almost in line with Marc’s, leaning over towards him to get
eye contact through his visor. The other rider suddenly seemed to really grasp
that he was there, and sat up.
“Come back inside.”
The gentleness had gone, and Ricky saw the immediate response from Marc, the
words seeming to get through to him when there was no question in the
statement. The younger rider put the stand back down and pulled off his gloves,
obviously saying something in response but out of Ricky’s earshot through the
helmet. Jorge nodded at him and started to say something else before Marc leant
down again and his shoulders started to shake. The Yamaha rider moved back to
his side and almost pulled him off the bike, leaning him against it slightly as
he undid the strap under Marc’s chin and gently pulled off the helmet.
“Look, this is pointless. Come back inside.”
The cerverino looked up at him and nodded slowly, shoulders slumped. “Ok.”
Ricky watched them turn towards him and start walking back, staring at the look
on Jorge’s face and trying to figure out what Marc had said, or done, watching
the younger rider struggling to keep pace. The Mallorcan looked like he’d
recovered his patience though. And he looked like he was try to help him,
rather than irritated at having to deal with it.
So I guess it's going to be interesting.
***** Phillip Island *****
He’d been annoyed. He’d felt angry at him, and frustrated. He’d felt like he
wanted to slap him round the face or alternatively not see him again for a long
time. But he’d walked down the drive. Because he was serious about ‘self
improvement’ or whatever anyone wanted to call it. Because he’d looked back on
himself and not liked things he’d done. Because he’d realised that having
people love you really didn’t matter if you couldn’t understand why. It meant
that the explosions when he did make mistakes were now more painful – anything
that was rarer on an otherwise relatively smooth trajectory was always going to
hurt more – but it meant that the mirror was kinder.
So he’d walked down the drive, as far as he was concerned, to be a good person.
Which is a bit wrong in itself, because really I’m making the gesture, not
feeling the empathy.
He’d expected it to happen, in a way, but patience wasn’t an infinite commodity
and his re: Marc had gone. It was something you could recapture though, which
is what he’d done when the younger had sat up and looked at him, and said
something that made him want to sprint inside and get on the phone
straightaway.
But that would let him know Valentino’s there...
He sat him down at the table, once back inside, and left Ricky in charge of
temporary care whilst he went to ‘fetch clothes and towels’ for him, the rain
now stopped but the shivering having started again, and motioned at his phone,
watching impressed as his friend palmed it and slipped it to him without Marc
having any idea. Ricky frowned at him inquisitively and accepted the nod he got
in return to mean what it did – ‘I will explain but this is a rushed activity
so please look after him, thank you’.
Jorge took the stairs two at a time before shutting himself in his bedroom and
calling Dani, and listening to it ring, and ring, and ring.
And then Valentino’s phone ring, and ring, and ring.
And then the house phone ring, and ring, and ring.
*
I’m not going to sleep with him.
He’d said that more just to let the Italian know he wasn’t thinking about that,
but then it had made him think about it. It had made him obsess about it. It
had made him suddenly see that 1% of sanity in Marc’s reaction of going out and
cheating. It had unlocked the same need to lose himself that he’d tried to
drown in alcohol, but this time he wasn’t reaching for the bottle, he was
reaching for the Italian.
This time, when he’d kissed him, he’d wanted it. But not how he had before,
when it had been revenge. It had been imagining Marc seeing him do it that had
made him kiss him, then. But now, it was for himself. And Valentino seemed to
have realised that, because he didn’t push him away, he pulled him closer. He
pulled off his shirt, and Dani pulled off his. He ran his fingers over Dani’s
little scars, the ones that only he and Marc really knew where to find, and he
responded as the HRC rider responded to him, the kiss going from soft and
exploratory to something that neither of them could remember not being a normal
occurrence every night, every seeming to fit back together so quickly.
But then Dani heard his phone, somewhere in the kitchen. He ignored it, but it
clawed him back to consciousness slightly. A few minutes later he realised what
the other noise had been that had followed it: Valentino’s phone. Then the
house phone. And 3 in a row was enough to make him go from annoyed at being
almost interrupted to worried about why. He pulled away and sat up in the bed,
vision snapping back to reality and the reality of where they were hitting him
full force.
“I have to go and get that.”
Valentino complained and pulled his hand back. “Don’t. Stay here.”
Dani shook his head and got out, freeing his hand and refastening his jeans,
which he realised had just been unfastened, and taking a second to calm himself
down after he’d realised the worst thing.
We’re in our room.
He walked down the stairs and started to wonder where he’d put the phone before
hearing it ring again over the far side of the room and tracking it down.
And by our room, I mean mine and Marc’s.
He stared down at the screen as ‘Jorge’ flashed at him.
And that’s too far.
“Hello?”
*
“Dani!”
“Hi…?”
“You answered. Ok, good. Don’t panic. It’s not an emergency. Well…no one’s
hurt. Well, no…what I mean is, everyone is physically fine but I need to talk
to you. Are you sober?”
“Ok…yeah, I’m sober.”
“Good. Is Valentino there?”
“Not in the room. He’s upstairs in bed. Where I was.”
“Did you say that how I took it?”
“We weren’t fucking, if that’s what you mean. But we were in my bed. In our
room. Mine and Marc’s room. You called…” There was a sigh before he carried on.
“…you called just in time to remind me of that.”
I knew it. “Good, because you need to listen to me.”
“Ok, go…”
The Mallorcan smiled slightly at the immediate ‘ok’, and sat down on the end of
his bed. “Right…”
*
“No! I don’t want another drink.”
Ricky nodded and made a little ‘eek’ face out of the other rider’s line of
sight. “Sorry. I don’t know what else to do. I feel like the conversation
should begin when Jorge gets back.”
“Sorry. I know. Thank you.” Marc looked up and tried to smile at him. “And I
know what you mean.”
Well I’m glad that’s true one way around. “What about a cookie?”
Marc looked up at him and almost actually laughed, despite the situation.
“I’m…just…" A shrug, but a friendly one. "Leave me alone. In a nice way.”
Ricky nodded at him and gave up, taking a seat opposite and shrugging through a
smile. “I’m not good at that.”
The younger rider smirked down to himself and half shrugged in return. “Yeah,
I’ve, er…noticed…”
*
“You’ve not cheated on him?”
Dani felt himself start to get annoyed and needlessly shook his head, hundreds
of miles too far away from the Mallorcan for the gesture to mean anything. “No,
I haven’t. You know that, it’s the whole fucking point.”
“Ok, good. Don’t.”
“I can’t cheat when I’m not in a relationship.”
“But you know what I mean. He’s not said much, but-“
“He’s there?”
“Oh…yeah. He’s downstairs with Ricky.”
“Oh.” Dani felt that hit him harder than he’d expected, feeling more like a
betrayal than he wanted it to. “Right…?”
“It’s not what you think. He came to ask me if I thought you’d cheated.”
“And you told him…?”
“I told him no? Obviously?”
“Ok, yeah.” Dani sighed and shook his head again, this time to try and make the
pieces fall together better in his brain. “Sorry. Ok, so he’s there. Does he
believe you?”
“He’s on the fence. Maybe 70/30 in favour of you not having cheated. Or maybe
he’s 100, I’m not sure.”
“Great news. If he hadn’t met that guy in that bar and fucked it all up
completely. I can forgive people not thinking clearly when they’re hurting. I
can’t forgive that, though. So why are you calling?”
“Like I said, I don’t know much, but I know enough to say....don’t do anything
to make it worse. I’ll call you back after I’ve talked to Marc properly. But I
had to call you to tell you to hold on to that 1%. And I’m going to be cruel
and play the Honda card.”
“I can't let go of that. I've tried. And blackmail?!” 1%. That little bit left
that still-
“No! I mean, you didn’t believe me then and you were wrong. And you felt bad
that you didn’t. I’m calling up my payback. Do not fuck that Italian, Daniel.
Believeme. I’m hoping your phone is going to ring again tonight. Please answer
it.”
*
Jorge walked back into the kitchen and put the towels down in front of Marc,
followed by sweat pants and a t shirt. “Here you go. Use whatever you want…”
Marc looked up from his fresh coffee, evidently having relented accepted at
some point, and nodded. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” He watched as the younger rider got to his feet and peeled his t
shirt off, jacket already hanging in front of the heater, not waterproof and
not having protected him from the weather. The completely relaxed way he did it
made both of the other riders turn away, realizing that as they caught each
other’s eye and wondered why. Marc pulled the towel round his neck and rubbed
away the dampness left in between where his helmet and jacket hadn’t met,
before he pulled on the t shirt and looked down. “Is this a fucking joke?”
Jorge looked at Ricky and smiled back at him. “No, it’s not a joke. It’s step
1. This is it now, you’re not burying your head in the sand anymore.”
“Great way to start.” He poked the 46 on the chest of the fabric and grimaced.
“At least it’s dry.”
“Well, also, obviously I don’t wear it. I got it from a sponsor event or
something. You ready?”
“For what?”
“To talk, and face it. 46 vs 93.”
Marc nodded and sat back in the chair, heavily. “I guess so.”
Jorge shrugged, playing nonplussed, and noticed Ricky’s little smile at it.
“Nevermind, then.” He took his fresh drink from his friend and sipped in
silence until Marc finally got irritated.
“What? I said yes.”
“No. You said ‘I guess so’.”
“I meant yes.”
“You should mean it if you say it.”
Ouch. “Fine, ok. This is like Emilio! YES.”
“Good.” The Mallorcan smiled and sat down opposite him. “Shall we try again?”
“To do what. I’ve fucked it up.”
Jorge shrugged again and sipped, determined to make him work for it. “Phillip
Island. You’ve fucked up massively and you’re starting from 38th on the grid.
You’ve got the potential to get the podium – I’m not promising a win – but I’m
not accepting anything other than what I saw in October. Because this is what
this is, but the ‘real life’ version. So why don’t you stop fucking about?”
“What?”
“What are you having trouble with understanding?” He took another casual,
carefully-staged sip. “It’s pretty simple. You believe me.”
“About Dani? Yeah, I think I do. I…you, and my mother of all people, and things
Alex said…I think I panicked and fucked up. But what can I do now?!" His voice
choked and he shrugged. "I broke it! I broke HIM and...that’s almost worse. I'd
rather be the one hurt-.”
The Yamaha rider listened to the words and then shook his head to cut him off.
“Not good enough. That’s more Estoril…2010? Crashing before the restart.”
“Hey! I won that race in the end.”
Jorge paused a couple of seconds before he suddenly started to laugh and nodded
at him, shrugging as the happy frustration poured out, Marc’s face horrified at
the reaction. The Mallorcan managed to stop himself and get under control
before he leant forward, watching as Marc gradually processed the irony and
their eyes met.
“EXACTLY.”
*
“Sorry about that.” Dani leant against the doorframe and ran his eyes over the
admittedly inviting sight staring back at him. “But it was important.”
“More important than me?” Vale smiled, the podium smile, the one when he wasn’t
on the top step, and sighed. “Than that?”
“I’ve changed.” “Maybe.” Not. “It’s not a competition.”
“Everything’s a competition.”
“No.” They stared at each other for a few seconds before Dani spoke again, sad
smile saying much more than the words. “I’m going to bed, now. Sorry, and
goodnight.”
He turned round, crossed the hall, and closed himself in the opposite room,
leaning on the other side of the door for a few seconds and repeating ‘1%’
under his breath before getting into the bed and putting his phone on his
chest, waiting for it to ring.
Or maybe it IS blackmail.
*
“So you got back, and you thought he’d cheated. He was sat on the sofa…?”
Marc nodded. “Yeah, so…I don’t really remember. But I didn’t believe him, and I
said he should have got rid of the evidence. Then I threw that bit of paper at
him and went to sleep.”
“That’s not how you said it outside.”
“Ok, no…I mean made it sound like I’d actually slept with him. It’s different
now, but in the moment, talking about evidence, I threw that at him and was
obviously making it out to be evidence that I’d done it. He believed it,
anyway. His face-”
“You said you lied.”
Marc stared at him and slowly nodded, tears evident for the first time since
he’d come back inside. “YES. Ok. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel how
I fee-…felt.” He sniffed and shrugged helplessly. “And I succeeded.”
You did. They gave him a few seconds of peace to pull himself together before
Ricky tried. “So what happened, with the guy?”
Marc sighed and shrugged, voice going from steady to wobbly and back as he
talked. “Nothing. He bought me whiskey and we talked. I went back to his
apartment, we kissed, then he said something about changing the sheets and my
brain just threw me back into reality and I panicked and left.” All three of
them stayed quiet for a few minute before Marc sighed and looked out the window
again. “Like Dani did in Milan. But I didn’t even remember I’d said that.” He
stared into the cup and bit his lip in an attempt to hold it together. “I
didn’t even remember that moment at all, and I bet it killed him.” His
shoulders started to shake again and he put a hand over his mouth before
repeating it, quietly. “I bet it killed him.”
Jorge and Ricky shared another glance before the Yamaha rider dared to say it,
gently but not backing down. “I think it did. But now, are you ready for the
last bit?”
Marc took a deep breath and nodded. “It can’t get worse…”
The two older riders looked at each other again before Jorge took the plunge.
“Well…he called Valentino.”
The younger rider heard the words a few seconds before the reaction kicked in,
crumpling onto the table top and burying his head in his hands. “Then that’s
it.”
Jorge watched him for a second before got to his feet and walked round the
table, crouching down next to him and getting his eyes level with where Marc’s
would be if or when he unburied his face. “You know how you believe me about
Dani? That’s true of everything. Then, and now. He’s kissed him. He’s done what
you did with Pol. Pol walked away, but Valentino didn’t. That’s the only
difference, ok? That’s the only difference. The fact that it’s Pol and
Valentino makes no difference to what you or Dani have actually done. It’s just
different for them. You listening?”
Marc didn’t really move for a few seconds before nodding, slowly. “Ok, I’m
listening. I'm trying.”
Jorge looked up at Ricky, wondering what to do, and his friend mimed moving the
other rider to face him. Jorge put his hand round Marc’s arms and pivoted him,
the gesture enough to wake the Moto2 rider up slightly and look up, now staring
straight at him. “If you give up, I'm going to give up on you. Are you
believing?”
A little glimmer of that pole position glare. “I’m trying.”
“Good.” The Mallorcan nodded and raised his eyebrows. “I spoke to Dani, a few
minutes ago. He’ll believe me.” I hope that’s true. “If you want to talk to him
now, he’ll answer you.”
“I can’t talk to him now.”
I expected a rush... "Why?”
Marc shook his head and swallowed, hard. “Phillip Island rules. I mean it, I’m
not just saying it. I can’t. I need a few minutes. Maybe longer. I need to…I
need a minute.” He suddenly shot to his feet and grabbed his jacket. “Just a
few minutes.” He pushed each arm into the sleeves and nodded as he walked out
the kitchen. "I'm not giving up. I promise."
They watched him walk down the garden and disappear before looking up at each
other, Ricky nodding at him in the silence, the strangest situation he could
remember. His friend smiled at him as he kept looking at the Yamaha rider,
before walking round the table and wrapping him in a hug, breaking the few
seconds of silence by pressing his lips against the Mallorcan’s ear.
“You know what the most interesting thing is?”
Jorge pulled out the hug and stared at him, face to face. “No?”
Ricky smiled at him and ruffled his hair, earning a frown. “They believe you
and you believe Dani. I can see why.” He pointed out down the garden in the
direction Marc had disappeared to. “But you believe him.”
The Mallorcan stared at him and then frowned. “Yeah, I do. You don’t?”
“No, no. I do. I believe him. It’s just interesting.”
“Why?”
“Because you haven’t done that for a long time. Usually you need evidence.”
“He wouldn’t lie.”
“But he already did.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But?”
Jorge shrugged and nodded. “That’s it. I believe him.”
Ricky smiled and nodded at the slightly puzzled smile he got in return as he
pulled him in for another hug.
“That makes me happy.”
***** For No Other Reason *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry it's been a while by normal standards...! Busy busy busy! I
     feel like I've been carrying this around for a few days...here we
     go...
He hadn’t been expecting the knock on the door, but it hadn’t been a surprise.
“Come in.”
“You’re not asleep?”
“No, I’m waiting for a phone call.”
“From him?”
Dani sat up further and shrugged. “I don’t know.”
I’m losing, already. “How can you not know?!”
The HRC rider shrugged again and looked down at the phone, voice quiet. “I hope
it is.”
Valentino nodded, acceptingly almost, and looked at the ceiling as he shrugged.
“What changed? In 5 minutes?”
“Jorge doesn’t think he cheated on me.”
Of course. Of course he’d be involved. “So his word is law, now?”
“No. But I trust him. And his judgment, in things like this. He’s earnt that
much.”
“So that’s all that matters, not the way Marc ran out and believed everything
without asking you? The way he lied about that American just to hurt you?”
“No.” Dani threw the covers back and got out, walking towards the Italian, for
no real reason other than being upright felt more aggressive. “That’s not all
that matters, but it matters enough to pick up the phone. And the answer to the
question, before? ‘What changed?’ Maybe you didn’t. I thought you wanted me to
be happy? Hmm?”
“I do.” Valentino took a few calming breaths and closed his eyes for a second
before training them back on Dani’s wide, brown pools of inquisition. “I want
you to be happy. But he only hurts you.”
The Honda rider stared at him for a couple of seconds before slowly shaking his
head. “No. He’s hurt me, badly. Once. Everything else has repaired me. Maybe
I’m really hurt right now. Maybe it won’t be fixable. But one thing I know he’s
done is figure out how my pieces fit together. I know what I’m doing when I
wake up in the morning, and I know why I’ll answer the phone. I don’t mean
being with him makes me any different – I just mean that having been with him,
I understand where I was going wrong. And I know that Jorge had the best timing
in the world, because it was almost about to happen. And I can’t do it. I’ve
already told you, I can’t do that again. All you do is unravel me.”
“So you won’t even try. Typical.”
Dani felt that hit him straight in the chest and shook his head. “That’s
offensive. It’s untrue. And it’s also fucking ironic. Because I already tried.
You’re the one who ran.”
The Ducati rider took a deep breath and nodded at him, the words not coming
easy. “Sorry. And yeah, but I came back.”
“You did. You hurt me, you ran, and you came back. Sound familiar?”
“But it’s not the same.”
“No, it’s not. Because it took you years, for no reason.” And seeing him with
me. He tried to lower his voice and stay calm. “Look, I forgive you. And I’m so
thankful you care, and for how you’ve helped. You’ll always be an importa-“ He
suddenly stopped dead in the attempt at peacekeeping as his brain rewound a
minute or two. “Wait. What did you say?”
Vale frowned and stared at him, shrugging. “It’s not the same, because I came
back.”
“Before that.” The Ducati rider shrugged again as he was scrutinized before
Dani locked eyes with him and smiled bitterly, proved right and wrong at the
same time, shaking his head as it clicked and the words lit up in his memory
and he unraveled what it meant. “American. How the hell do you know he was
American.”
Fuck. Vale stared at him as the time clicked on and betrayed the tiniest hint
of that fuck, the few seconds of silence saying more than anything else, before
taking a breath and hitting launch. “Ok, I was going to tell you, but I just
couldn’t find the ri-“
The HRC rider heard it start and hung his head, sighing. “Go to bed, Valentino.
Go to sleep, and then tomorrow, go home.”
“Let me explain.”
Dani smiled sadly at him and shrugged. “There’s no need.”
“Please.”
“No.”
“Dani-“
“No. I don’t care how and why you know. You didn’t tell me. Because you thought
you might lose.”
“These are high stakes.” The Italian took a step forward and looked down at
him. “You don’t seem to realize that. I love you.”
“Maybe they are for you. But they’re higher for me. You know I want Marc, and
you’re putting yourself in the way.”
“I was going to tell you.”
“That’s what they always say.”
“Like you were going to tell Marc.”
“That’s different.”
“It’s not.”
“Yeah, it is.” Dani pushed past him into the hall and starting walking down
stairs. “Because I desperately didn’t want to hurt him or make him feel
threatened. I wanted him to be happy, and I know it didn’t mean anything to me.
But you had the bit of information that would have helped me, and you didn’t
tell me. For yourself. Maybe we’re both fucking liars but at least I had the
right intentions.”
“No. That’s not true or fair. Because I honestly think you would be happier
with me.”
Dani stopped and turned round, looking back up the stairs at him and feeling
with a grimace how reminiscent it was of when Marc had thrown the phone number
at him. “Maybe, right now? Yeah. Because it’s going to take a while to repair.
But I don’t love you like I love him. And you don’t love me like he does. So
just this once, give up.”
“I don’t do that.”
“Try.”
*
“What’s he doing?”
“I think he’s just crying and hoping we can’t see.”
“Technically we can’t see.”
“True…” They put down the night vision goggles and looked at each other, slight
amusement at the situation overhauled immediately by guilt.
“To be fair I bought these for fun. Private property, midnight paintball…not
for spying on crying Moto2 riders.”
“I know.” Ricky grinned and shrugged. “Also to be fair, we’re spying because
we’re concerned.”
“Tell that to the Government.”
“No need, they’re probably listening.”
Jorge laughed and nodded as they looked at each other and felt that same
strange fizz of something. “Can I ask you a question?”
Ricky nodded and shrugged. “If I say no, that won’t stop you.”
“True.”
“But fire at will.”
“Ok.” The Mallorcan took a little breath as a smile started to play at the
corner of his mouth. “Tonight is different, right?”
“Different?”
“Yeah.” He nodded before glancing out the window and seeing Marc start to
reappear, ducking down out of sight and pulling Ricky with him. They crouched
next to each other and stared for a few seconds. “We’re different. Something
changed.”
Ricky opened his mouth to reply as they heard Marc open the door and walk back
in, both shooting to their feet and leaning on counter as innocently possible,
Jorge sweeping the goggles into a drawer and out of sight.
“You still awake?” Marc wandered back in, rubbing his eyes and pausing when he
saw them. “That’s a yes.”
“Yeah. You ok?”
“No, I’m not ok. But I’m ready to call him and do everything to try and make us
ok.”
Jorge nodded and smiled at him, the way he was standing a little bit taller and
looked ready, if not ok then fired up. “Sounds like a plan.” He looked back at
Ricky and raised his eyebrows with a smirk. “So…fire at will, right?”
He smiled and raised an eyebrow; never, ever having received that look before.
“Exactly.”
*
If nothing else, it’s been a long time and I’ve not doubted for a second
whether it will ring or not.
He took another sip of the wine he’d poured earlier and looked up at the
ceiling as he heard Valentino get out of bed again and go into the bathroom,
this time, not to come and try to talk him. Just stay up there. He looked at
his phone again and sighed. Please.
He was just getting to the bottom of the glass when it suddenly lit up and his
ring tone hit him full force, echoing through the empty, quiet kitchen and
reverberating up off the stone tiles.
Here we go.. He picked it up and took a deep breath before looking at the
screen. Please be Marc.
Marc.
“Hello?”
*
The nervous crescendo of hearing it ring came to an abrupt halt as Dani said
hello, and Marc felt the word explode in his ears like fireworks, two syllables
enough to send a warm glow radiating through him. You answered. “Hi. You
answered.”
Dani took a deep breath and Marc could imagine him nodding. “Yeah. I’ve,
er…I’ve been expecting your call.”
I never even tried, before. He felt that guilt hit him and bit his lip. “You
mean tonight?”
“Yeah.”
There were a few awkward seconds of silence, both barely staying inaudibly
overwhelmed, before Marc decided to start at the simplest point.
“I’m sorry.”
*
“I’m sorry.”
Dani leant forward onto the table and nodded to himself, closing his eyes and
trying to hold it together as it filtered from his ears to his brain and to his
heart. I know you are.
“Dani?”
The HRC rider sat up slightly and coughed. “I’m here.”
“I know.”
He smiled to himself and wiped under his eyes, blinking at the ceiling to stop
himself losing it. “You figured that out?”
“I did.”
“Good.”
Another few seconds of silence before the words started to come more naturally.
“I’m sorry I went through your phone. I was tweeting, then Matt texted you and
it opened the messages.”
“Right.”
“I shouldn’t have clicked on it, but I did.”
“Right…”
“And I panicked. It was so…casual? And friendly. Since Milan I’ve felt like…I
felt like I was on a sinking ship.”
“Right.”
“Because I don’t understand why you would want me when you could have him.”
Dani swallowed, hard, and nodded. “I-I know.”
“He’s there now.”
“He is. He’s upstairs, hopefully asleep.”
“Ok. Did…anything happen?”
The rhythm of conversation was broken slightly and he could hear the grimace in
Marc’s voice as he said it, obviously expecting an indignant reply. Which I
won’t give. “We kissed.”
“I kissed Pol.”
“But that’s all?”
“That’s all. I was drunk, and we almost…but we didn’t.”
“Ok. I’ve had an almost.”
“I swear on Alex’s life that I’ve done nothing else.”
Dani nodded to himself and took a deep breath. The most important person to
you, who isn’t me. “I believe you.”
“I’m sorry.”
*
“I’m sorry.”
He kept his eyes trained on the same bit of ceiling he’d been focusing on to
try and stay calm, the empty bed only reminding him of where he could and
should have been instead. Not in Jorge Lorenzo’s house. In my house, in Geneva.
“It’s not going to be that simple, you know that, right?”
“I know and I don’t care if it takes the rest of my life. But I’m sorry.”
“Good. I’m sorry, too.”
Marc felt himself smile and nodded, trying to not make it obvious that he was
crying, trying to keep his eyes on the same piece of plaster. If I was hoping
for a sign... “Y-you don’t h-have to apologise to m-me.”
“I lied to you, too.”
“N-not like this.”
“I lied worse than you, baby. I lied for weeks. You lied, and I understand why.
It fucking hurt, believe me, but I understand why. And I even understand how
you could think what you did. But like you and your parents, you remember that?
What did you say? That….’you understand it as an example in a book, but it’s
real life, and it’s not a stranger, it’s you.’ That’s what I can’t take. It’s
me. You understand? It’s me. The other half of ‘me and you’. Me.”
“I know.”
“So you don’t have to explain what happened. I just can’t understand how it
happened to us.”
“Because of me.”
“I should have told you straight away. But I didn’t because I know you don’t
get it, and you proved that.”
“Get it?”
“You’ve never been in love before. Or, you’ve never thought you were in love.
Right?”
“Right?”
“So you don’t know what it’s like, the difference. I was happy, with him. I was
happy and I loved him, then. But that’s just not true anymore. Because I know
what that actually means. But you can’t understand the difference because
you’re never been in that half-way, where everything’s 95% perfect and your
brain turns the 5% off and tries to hide it. It’s different, and I feel so sad
for people that never get past 95. Because it’s like a different world. So…I
don’t know what to say to you to convince you. I shouldn’t have to convince
you. We don’t live in a world where we want a nice garden to show off to the
neighbours, do we? We live in a world where everything is real, because it’s
built on effort and work, and emotion. And the danger, that makes it different
again. Because you don’t go to an office everyday, and neither do I. We go and
risk our lives because of how it feels to race and to win. I’m not sure where
I’m going with this. Maybe just to say…you’ve won a championship. You know how
that feels. You’ve also lost one. We go higher and lower every weekend than a
lot of people do in their entire lives. But you’re comparing yourself and
Valentino, I think, in that other world. The one where you’re judged on how you
look or what you earn or what you drive. But we don’t live in that world, we
live in ours. So when I say I love you and I want you, I mean it. I just mean
it. For no other reason than that it’s true.”
Marc clenched his teeth and nodded to himself in the half-darkness, few seconds
of silence punctuated by the sound of his breath getting more and more ragged
as he tried to stop himself. I love you. “I t-think I g-got it.” He bit the
back of his hand and desperately tried not to let go. “I love you.”
“I know. And I’m sorry I said you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
Marc relaxed his shoulders into the bed and took a few deep breaths. “I miss
you.”
Dani closed his eyes and focused everything on trying to keep his voice steady.
“I miss you too." Deep breath in a few more seconds of silence, accepting this
was the point where he had to let go slightly, for a while. “Ok…I’m going to
bed now. And I’ll speak to you in a few days.”
There was a sharp intake of ragged breath before the Moto2 rider replied. A few
days. “O-ok.”
The Honda rider felt that hit him and sighed, wanting more than anything to
just drive to the airport and knowing that the only place that would lead would
be to bitter arguments that only ever replayed the past. “I know, believe me I
know. But like I said, it’s not going to be easy.”
Marc tried to process that and clenched his teeth for a second before being
able to reply, words much, much steadier than they had any right to be. "Ok.
Goodnight. I love you, Dani." I'll do anything. "I love you."
I know. "I love you too. Goodnight."
***** Helpful and Appreciated *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry, I am criminally busy.
     But after this weekend, I had to write. :)
     The name: Italics are text messages :)
“So…we’ll try again tomorrow?”
Jorge looked up from the computer screen and frowned as Ricky walked back into
the kitchen. “What?”
“Training.” The Moto2 rider looked at him like he was stupid before cracking
into a slightly knowing smile at the confusion. “Since we didn’t actually do
any today.”
The Mallorcan smiled and closed the laptop lid with a little shrug. “Ah.
Yeah…who knew a bit of homosexuality could change my life so much?”
Ricky stared at him and rolled his eyes slightly. “I did.”
“Really.” Jorge wiggled his eyebrows before stretching his arms above his head.
“Well you could have let me know…” He smiled at Ricky’s face before shrugging
and letting the twinkle drop slightly, replaced with a frown at the way his
fellow rider was putting on his jacket. “Where are you going?”
“Home..?”
“Why?”
The younger rider sighed at him and shrugged. “Because! Marc is in the only bed
that has bedding on it.”
“Mine has bedding.”
“Stop fucking around.”
Jorge frowned at him and the slightly sharp tone. “I’m not.”
“Sorry.” Ricky sighed again and took off the jacket, hanging it on the back of
the chair closest to him. “I didn’t mean to be mean, but you know what I mean.”
The Mallorcan shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, maybe I do. Maybe you don’t know what
I mean.”
*
Marc: Are you awake?
Alex: Yeah…what’s up?
Marc: I talked to Dani.
Alex: Good! You believe him?
Marc: Yeah. And I didn’t cheat on him. I don’t know who knows what anymore, I’m
so tired. But I didn’t cheat on him.
Alex: Jorge texted me. I know…I’m glad. We’ve got your back :)
Marc: Do you guys secretly run my life?
Alex: Yes.
Marc: Ok. What am I doing tomorrow?
Alex: Not sure. Hopefully training with me. The day after you’re at Montmeló
though :P
Marc: Shiiit! Yes I am. Ok, thanks! ;) Anyway, I think it’s fixable.
Alex: It’s always been fixable.
Marc: Despite my best efforts…
Alex: Pretty much :P I spoke to Dani and Valentino. He was a mess. He loves
you, you know?
Marc: I know that, but…it’s just Valentino. I panicked about him.
Alex: That’s YOUR problem.
Marc: Harsh as always. And right. I love you. Goodnight. Get ready for some
serious GASSS tomorrow!
Alex: Jaja you’ll be half GAS at least, PLEASE. Love you too. And I’m guessing
you’re sleeping there since it’s past 3?
Marc: Oh! Yeah. Oops…
Alex: They didn’t ask where you were, don’t worry ;)
*
“Well then why don’t you explain?”
Jorge stared at him and the last vestiges of cheeky confidence vanished. “I
don’t know what I mean, to be honest. I just don’t want you to leave.”
Ricky took that in and nodded a few times, holding the eye contact and
shrugging slightly. “Well then I won’t leave.”
“It’s that simple?”
“It’s that simple.”
“Oh.” The Yamaha rider got to his feet and pushed the chair back under the
table. “Ok.”
“To be clear, we’re going to sleep in one bed?”
“Yeah.”
“And we’re not going to think about anything other than that it’s because Marc
is in the other one and you want me to stay.”
Jorge looked back at him and nodded, resigned to some of the tone but unwilling
to have the conversation. “Yeah.”
“Ok.”
“Ok?”
“Right now, that’s ok.”
The Mallorcan took a deep breath and walked over to in front of him, smiling
slightly at the look on his face and pulling him into a hug as he pressed his
lips against his ear, feeling the immediate relief of the stress melting away
as Ricky’s arms wound around his waist.
“Good. Because right now is where we live.”
*
He hadn’t said goodbye. He’d done what Dani did in Milan and sneaked away; what
he’d done the first time they’d ever spent the night together, and the second,
and many times after that. What he did when he wouldn’t admit how it felt, and
was thinking only of himself. Which, Dani reasoned, was probably positive and a
good first step. And telling.
We just don’t work. For every 4 good things there’s 5 bad things that don’t
work.
He brushed his teeth and stared at himself in the mirror for a few seconds
before the phone started to go and he watched his own expression of resignation
create even more resignation on his face.
That’s why. Because it was unplugged.
Marc’s departure had caused questions and reports. But he’d not connected the
lack of phone line to the lack of questions being asked directly to him.
Here we go…
He went downstairs and took a deep breath before picking it up just in time to
catch it.
Who will be first?
*
It was normal, because to Jorge’s surprise, they did everything the same except
where they went after brushing their teeth. Because we already do that. Talk
and spit toothpaste at each other in a small space. He got in bed first, still
normal, and put on the light to read, still normal, and then found the book
wrenched out of his hands as Ricky came back in the room.
“What the fuck are you reading?”
The Mallorcan stared at him and smiled at the look on his face. “Er…Zen and the
Art of Motorcycle Maintenance…?”
“Why?”
“Because it’s interesting.”
“You shouldn’t read things like this in bed. Your mind won’t switch off.”
“I don’t want my mind to switch off.”
“If it’s on all the time, it’s not full power when you need it.” Ricky snapped
it shut and put it on the bedside table. “So, no.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jorge grinned at him indignantly and shrugged. “What should I
read?”
“Nothing. You should download what you learnt today, turn the light off, and
close your eyes.”
“But I don’t know yet what I learnt today.”
The younger rider shrugged and walked round the other side of the bed. “I think
you do.” He got in and moved the pillow slightly before getting himself
comfortable and leaning on his elbow, looking back at the Mallorcan. “You
learnt that you’re more of the person you want to be than you thought.”
Jorge, whose mouth had been open ready for a witty reply, shut it and stared
back at him, the pause bringing with it that fizz from the kitchen. “Maybe.”
“You did.” Ricky smiled and turned off the light, intent on following his own
advice, and the seconds of silence ticked by before Jorge spoke again, the lack
of light lowering the volume to just above a whisper.
“You know Valentino loves Dani.”
“I guessed.”
“Can you imagine that, though? Loving someone who isn’t interested?”
Ricky bit his lip and took a deep, silent breath to dispel the well of horrible
irony in his throat. “No. Can’t imagine that at all…”
*
“Hello. Finally.”
Alberto. Of course. “Yes. Hello. Sorry.”
“You ok?”
Dani sat violently down on the chair next to him as his stomach decided to be
unable to decide, realising the uninitiated people would ask him a lot of
questions he didn’t know how to answer. “No idea. How are you?”
*
“It must be hard, to live like that.”
It is. “It must.”
“Sorry I’m still talking.”
Ricky smiled to himself and allowed himself a slightly audible laugh. “That
should have been the title of your book.”
“Do I talk too much now?”
When did you start to question so much?! “No, you don’t. You talk the right
amount. Why are you taking everything so seriously?”
“I don’t know.” A sigh echoed across the bed in the dark, followed by some
rustling of sheets. “I’m just not sure what I’m doing.”
“That’ll be the title of MY book.”
They shared a laugh before Ricky finally dared to go a little bit further. “You
trust me, don’t you?”
“Yeah?”
“No, I know you trust me. But you trust my judgement.”
“I think I trust only your judgement. My team, and you.”
“I know. Why?”
There was a pause before Ricky sensed he may be being stared at in the dark.
“Because you get me.”
“I think I do.”
“You do. So when my compass fails, I ask you.”
“Same.”
There were another few seconds of silence before Jorge sighed and that seemed
to signify some sort of surrender, giving in to something he didn’t want to or
freeing himself from something he needed to, Ricky wasn’t sure, but he was
suddenly 2 feet closer and a lot louder. “I know. And I don’t know what that
means and I can’t say I might ever, but I’m glad you’re here.”
The Moto2 rider took one more deep breath before reaching his arm out to where
he thought he’d find his friend, pulling him in closer and smiling as an arm
wound around him in return.
“Right now, that’s ok.”
*
“So, this is an awkward question in a few ways, but I have to ask. Marc went
back to Barcelona. There’s a lot of talk…”
“Yeah, I saw some of it.”
“So, what’s the situation?”
“With me and Marc?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, if you’re asking what I think you are, yes he went home for good, at the
time. But..” He sighed and stared at himself in the reflection on the coffee
machine. “But I’m pretty sure we’ll figure it out. It was a mess, but it should
be ok.”
“So…what’s your line?”
My line… “You mean, what’s going public? Nothing.”
“I mean, how sure are you? Are you going to work through it in private?”
Ah. The Sabadell native took a long, calming breath and thought through what
the next words would mean. In, or out. “I see what you mean.” Another breath.
This is it, this is where it’s decided what I think. Fixable or not. “I think
gossip magazines talk a lot, and Marc just went to Barcelona to train. On the
record, we’re fine.”
“Sure?”
A sudden wave of everything hit him and he leant against the table for a few
seconds, brain fighting heart fighting brain as everything swirled around him.
Sure?
“I’m sure enough to tell the team that. But maybe that’s it, at the moment.”
Maybe. “Maybe we need more time. Let them talk, I don’t want any statements
depending on it.” Even though I am depending on it.
*
“So…just take it easy, ok?”
Marc twisted the throttle and nodded, the two reactions so at odds that Emilio
had to smile and grimace at the same time. “I mean it. Not only physically, but
emotionally, you need to be careful, ok?”
Marc flipped his visor up and the affectionate glare said enough, although it
was accompanied by words. “I ride the same.”
You think you do. “We’ll see.”
You will. “Yeah, we will.”
“It’s nothing bad, you know?” He smiled at the way the expression in Marc’s
eyes changed. “If you’re pushing because you’re trying to prove you’re
physically fine now, ok. But be careful. If you’re pushing because of Dani,
don’t. That will bite you. Emotions are good. But go slower on the first day,
come first on the last day. Because that’s usually the one that counts.”
The Cerverina nodded, slowly, and the helmet-hidden smile reached his eyes
before he flipped the visor down again. “Ok.”
“And one more thing…”
“Yeah?”
Visor back up.
“You’re not ok. This isn’t to prove you’re ok, this is to start getting us back
there.”
I’ve heard that before, very recently. Marc took a deep breath and looked away
down to the end of the pit lane. “I know. I’ll do it.”
What are we talking about now? “You will do it, because there’s very little you
can’t do. But you won’t win anything today. You have to build up to it.”
The deep brown eyes snapped back to meet his gaze and nodded, blazing. “That I
do know.”
I think I believe you. “Good. Now, the most important thing: enjoy it.”
Marc nodded at him and waited a few seconds for it to sink in before he slammed
the visor back down and grabbed a handful of throttle, still in neutral and
gradually laughing in the helmet at the frowns directed back at him for the
noise, remembering the burnouts in the garage in Sitges and feeling not just
guilt, but maybe a little bit of hope. Or faith.
I think I will.
*
“So, Sepang. Next week.”
“Yeah?”
“Is Marc coming?”
“No.”
“Was he going to, before?”
“Yes.”
“Is he coming to the second test?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is he moving back in?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you staying in Geneva, then? For a long time?”
“I don’t need gay marriage laws right now, so yeah probably.”
“Right. Fuck. That’s why?!”
“Yeah, that was why I asked you. Don’t tell him. I have a ring.”
“I don’t speak to him, don’t worry. And I don’t think I want to.”
Dani felt himself immediately bristle at the tone and had to take a deep breath
to calm himself down. “That’s not helpful.”
“It’s true.”
“Fine. Maybe it’s true. But it’s not helpful, or appreciated. And I need
helpful and appreciated.”
“You know I still think it’s all a bad idea.”
“And I’m sorry you still think that opinion has anything to do with how I feel.
I’ll see you in Malaysia.”
He put the phone down and stared at it for a few irritated seconds before
sighing and shrugging. Tough luck. His mobile then vibrated in his pocket and
he pulled it out to see if the spike of adrenaline would be proved right.
Marc: On track for the first time again today. You should be here. But it’s my
fault. So just want to say, you were my hero in Motegi and you’ll be the last
thing I think about when I put the visor down today, just the same. You’re
everything and I love you.
He stared at the words for a few seconds before biting his lip to stop any more
crying, of which there had been too much but for different reasons, wondering
whether to reply before another message appeared.
Casey: Sepang 1. It’s the same hotel as before :(
Dani smiled to himself at the memory and started to type a reply before an idea
hit him. You might be useful. Maybe I disagree, but still useful.
Dani: Urgh…I guess the same restaurant every night then? ;)
Casey: I hope so!
Dani: Me too :) Can I ask you a favour?
Casey: Yes of course?
Dani: This may be a bit strange…but can you call Marc sometime soon?
Casey: Right. Why?
Dani: I want you to talk to him about Valentino.
Casey: Why?
Dani: Because I want him to see him as a person, not a threat.
Casey: Is that what happened? Valentino?
Dani: No, that’s what he thought had happened. Because he doesn’t understand
why I would want him instead.
Casey: Oh, I see. It would be a great pleasure to talk to Marc about
‘Valentino.’ ;) I’ll call him tomorrow. Sound ok?
Dani: Sounds good :)
Casey: It won’t be good haha
Dani: Don’t be mean…:P
Casey: Mate I’m just honest ;)
Dani: You know I don’t agree with what you think, right? But I respect it ;)
Casey: That’s the key ;) want me to tell him why I’m calling?
Dani: Up to you, I’m done with hiding anything.
Casey: Ok. I will call him. And I’ll tell him why.
Dani: Thank you.
Casey: No worries. I’ll see you at Table 12. ;)
Dani put the phone down and smiled to himself for a few seconds before picking
it up and looking back over Marc’s message. I said I wouldn’t speak to you for
a few days. His fingers hovered over the keys before he locked the screen again
and put it down.
And I won’t.
***** Patience *****
Chapter Notes
     Not much, but something... ;) (shoutout to Nicky Hayden...chapter 69!
     :))
     The word play from the end bit doesn't really work in Spanish, but
     I'm ignoring that ;)
     Thanks for reading, enjoy!
     Oh and Pol's Montmelo pole lap in 2013 was a 1:46.4.
“Hfff.” Ricky frowned and tried to get the very obvious traces of sleep from
his voice, relief from the ring tone having stopped not enough to actually make
him happy to have answered. “Hello?”
“Er…hi…”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Alex. Márquez. Marc’s brother.”
“I know who you are. Why are you calling me?” Slightly rude, sorry…
“I’m not, I want to speak to Jorge. Sorry I obviously woke you up. Is he
there?”
“Yeah I’ll pass you over.” The Moto2 rider frowned into the light again,
grimacing from the daylight as he rolled over slightly and poked his sleeping
friend. “Wake up.”
The Mallorcan groaned slightly before Ricky poked him again and his eyes
opened, accepting the phone with a similar frown to the one on his friend’s
face and replaying the same scene.
“Hfff.” Cough. “Hello?”
“Morning. Marc’s not answering, I think his phone died. But I got the day wrong
with Montmeló, it’s meant to be this afternoon. Could you let him know?”
Jorge’s brain tried hard to keep up with the words, eventually managing to and
nodding into the pillow. “Oh. Ok. What time is it?”
“Nine thirty. So plenty of time. I’ll leave you alone now…thanks for
everything…and, er…yeah. Bye.”
The phone went dead as quickly as it had come alive and the Yamaha rider shoved
it onto the bedside cabinet and snuggled back down into the covers before the
reality of it hit him. His eyes snapped open and locked on Ricky’s, sharing the
expression.
“Fuck.”
“Sorry, I thought it was mine…”
“Do you think he realised where we were?”
The Moto2 rider nodded and shrugged. “Er, yeah.”
“Fuck.” Jorge sighed and buried his face in the pillow, another fuck reaching
Ricky through the muffled noise. “Fuck.”
Ricky stared at him for a few seconds, trying to decide between ignoring
everything or daring to comfort him how he wanted to, before eventually moving
closer and going back to how they were the night before, the Mallorcan
resisting slightly before his arm reciprocated and pulled Ricky in closer,
another soft fuck pressed against his ear before a cohesive sentence appeared.
“Sorry. It’s not your fault.”
*
OH MY GOD. Alex stared at the phone then back up at his dad, eyes wide. OH MY
GOD.
Julià fixed his gaze on his son’s and frowned. “What?”
Alex stared back at him, starting to grin, before trying to shrug it off and
realising how much that wasn’t going to work. “Nothing…”
“Come on…what?”
The younger Marquez stared at him a little while longer before starting to
laugh slightly and pointing at the phone. “I called Jorge, yeah?”
“Yes…”
“And Ricky answered.”
“Right?”
“But he was asleep. Both of them were asleep. They were in bed, TOGETHER.” Alex
grinned and laughed again, enjoying the slightly flustered expression on his
dad’s face before taking another sip of coffee. “In bed. TOGETHER.”
Another sip of coffee as Julià started to share his expression.
“In bed…TOGETHER.”
*
“We should get up.”
Jorge didn’t move.
“Hey. Are you asleep again?”
A shake of the head, followed by eyes opening and a lazy grin. “No. I’m awake.
And I’m calmer, and you’re right. We should get up.”
“Good.” Ricky smiled back and waited as they hovered close together for a few
seconds before the Mallorcan leant forward and pressed a soft, quick kiss to
his lips, quickly pulling himself away out of the bed and stretching slightly.
“Yeah, it’s all good. Let’s go wake the kids…” He grinned and yawned slightly
as he turned back to the door. “See you in the kitchen.”
Ricky opened his mouth to reply before realising the shock had made the pause
too long, relaxing back into the bed for a minute and listening to the
conversation down the hall as a grin spread across his face, lips tingling and
amused by the quick exit.
“Marc…are you awake?”
“Pfff. I am now.”
“Good. Alex called, Montmeló is this afternoon. It’s now nine thirty. Eggs?”
There was an almost audible groan before Marc must have responded physically,
seemingly in the affirmative, and Jorge replied.
“Ok. See you in the kitchen.”
Ricky stayed still and listened to the Mallorcan’s footsteps recede down the
stairs before he finally sat up and took a deep breath.
This is new.
*
He’d done a lot of laps before he’d realised that what Emilio had said was
true. He wasn’t ok and he knew the times weren’t going to be amazing. But he
felt pretty good, and he hadn’t pushed too hard. More than anything, the
feeling of being back on a bike was the best thing. He pulled back into the
pits and got his feet back on solid ground, feeling the tiredness hit him like
a wall, and sat down on the chair Santi put in front of him, pulling off his
helmet and gloves and grinning at him.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. How do you feel?”
“Everything works.” He grinned up and shrugged, blinking a few times to
communicate what he meant. “But I’m so, so tired.”
“I guess that’s to be expected.”
“Yeah I guess. What were the times like? I wasn’t pushing, so I guess mid 48s?”
Santi locked eyes with him and slowly, nervously shook his head. Ah. “Not
quite…”
Oh shit. “Right. What does not quite mean?”
The older man looked at him and shrugged slightly, face set as neutrally as
possible. “The fastest you did was a 1:50.4, the rest were in the 51s.”
Marc stared up at him as he tried to take that in. It didn’t feel record
breaking. But it didn’t feel that bad. “You serious?”
Santi nodded. “Yeah. But it was your first time back on track.”
The Moto2 rider stared off at the reflections visible in the glass of the
grandstand opposite, zoned out and feeling a slight wave of panic start to hit
him. Shit. Serious shit. “O-oh. Ok.” He stared a few seconds longer before
realising he’d been spoken to again and snapping his eyes back to Santi. “What?
Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”
“I said, don’t worry about it. You’ll be back soon. That was the whole point of
today.”
“Hmm.”
“Honestly, nothing changed. You just need a bit more time, and you’ll be fine.”
“Hmm.” He took a few deep breaths and tried to dispel the feeling of abject
horror. “Did my phone go off?”
“No.”
Oh. “Right.”
*
He spent the drive home staring out the window and frowning, which Emilio had
noticed and tried to ignore, the set expression only interrupted when he
unlocked his phone to see if he’d got a message, even though it was on loud and
hadn’t made a sound. They’d finished at the track and had dinner in the town,
the partial reunion of the team appreciated by everyone, before Emilio had
offered to drive Marc home, feeling bad for the amount of times he’d not made
so much effort since everything bad with Dani had happened.
“You thought he’d reply?”
Marc started slightly at the sudden voice and looked back at the driver’s seat.
“What?”
“You thought he’d reply.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess I did.”
“He told you he wouldn’t for a few days though, right?”
“He did.”
“But you thought what you said might have made a difference.”
“Yeah.”
“It won’t.” The older man shrugged at him apologetically as they turned off
onto the road to Cervera, eyes switching between the road and Marc’s face, only
just visible in the streetlight glow. “Nothing you say will make a difference
until he’s ready for it to make a difference.”
Marc sighed and stared out the window into the darkness again. “I know that,
logically. But…”
“But..?”
“Yeah, exactly. But…”
“Yeah I know what you mean. Trust me, though. Put your phone down until he
contacts you. Or send messages, I think that’s maybe a good idea. But don’t
call him, and don’t expect a response. Patience.”
A few more seconds of silence before Marc leant forward and turned on the
radio, both him and the older champion surprised he hadn’t done it earlier. “I
know you’re right. But I’m not patient.”
“Well, you said you’d do anything.”
“I meant it.”
“Then do it.”
Marc frowned at him before sighing acceptingly and nodding. “I know. But…”
“No buts.”
“I know, but…” He raised an eyebrow and managed a smile. “But…”
“No buts.” Emilio smiled and shook his head. “No buts whatsoever.”
“But…”
“No.”
“But…”
“No!”
“But I like BUTTS the best!”
Marc froze after he realised he’d dared to say it and they stared at each other
for a couple of awkward seconds before bursting out laughing, Emilio redder
than Marc but seemingly somehow proud he’d said it. “I, er…we, er…I think we
realise that.”
Oops but worth it for the expression. “Good.” Marc grinned and made a little
‘eek’ face. “Sorry if jokes like that are too far..?”
“No.” The older man shook his head and tried to control the blush in his
cheeks, grinning. “Jokes like that are fine. I’m glad you feel like you can
make them.”
“I do.”
“Good. But…no buts, or you’ll get no butts.”
Marc giggled at him and poked his shoulder slightly, grinning ear to ear. “You
guys are the second best thing that ever happened to me. I seriously appreciate
you, you know?”
Emilio blushed again slightly, for a different reason, and nodded. “Hey, I
know. We love you too.”
The Moto2 rider widened his eyes and let his mouth drop open. “Woah…”He held up
both hands and laughed again. “Sorry man but I’m in a serious relationship.”
“Yes.” The 1999 champion nodded and smiled again, sighing happily but
resignedly, as he was used to doing in the company of either Marquez brother,
and turned into the drive, coasting to a stop in front of the house. “You are,
and you always will be. So be patient, and get some sleep.”
“I will do my best.” Marc nodded and smiled, going back to serious. “I will do
my best.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about.”
“Thank you.” He pulled him into a hug and took a deep breath. “For everything.”
“Sleep.” Emilio smiled and pointed at the house.
“On it.”
Marc got out the car and shut the door, turning on the doorstep to wave
slightly before facing the house and putting his hand on the door handle,
pausing a split second and taking a breath before going inside, Emilio waiting
until he’d gone before starting to turn round.
Patience.
***** The Invisible Line *****
Chapter Notes
     I wrote it in Spain, but I've not had chance to get on here. Sorry!
     So sorry! I'll reply to comments tomorrow, I'm guessing you'll want
     me to use my remaining energy (which is little) to post chapters, not
     comments ;)
     <3
Marc had been following the very good advice from Emilio, and he’d kept sending
messages, although he’d managed to calm himself just enough to not stare at his
phone for hours after. The first MotoGP test was coming up, and they’d
previously talked about it and decided Marc would go, if for no other reason
than he quite wanted to go back there and face it. It had become haunted,
although he imagined it was much worse for Valentino – the 2011 race weekend
had cast long shadows. Although he was now fine, it had been where it had
happened. And the year before he’d crashed there too, in the rain, and
remembered standing next to the track and promising he would avenge the mistake
the year after, although he never got the chance. So even to be in Kuala Lumpur
was something he wanted, and to be with Dani even more, but he’d realised by a
couple of days after that it wasn’t going to happen. Maybe the second test,
depending on the Alzamora schedule. And depending on Dani.
The lap times from Montmeló had terrified him, as well. Four seconds off the
pace. That was unacceptable, and worrying, and worst of all it hadn’t felt like
that. Normally, the limit appeared at some point and you knew what the time was
going to be. But he’d honestly had no idea it had been that bad.
I guess worrying will make it worse, though.
He looked up as Alex walked back into the kitchen and took orange juice out of
the fridge, taking a swig straight from the bottle and grinning at Marc
afterwards. “Don’t even try and judge. We all do it, nobody really cares, but
we all pretend it’s gross.”
The older Márquez smiled at him and raised his eyebrows. “You sound pretty sure
of that…what if it’s only you and you secretly have some horrible disease that
we’re all going to get now?”
“Just blame Pol..?”
They looked at each other and laughed before Marc jumped as his phone started
to ring, heart going from exploding with hope to plummeting with disappointment
within a tenth of the second. Alex watched it play out on his face and pointed
at it. “Not going to answer that?”
Marc looked up at him and blinked a few times as though some sort of spell had
been broken. “Oh. Yeah…” I forgot I should answer everyone and not just him.
“It’s unknown though.”
“International?”
“Yeah…? How do you know?”
“Just a guess. Answer it.”
“Really…?!”
“Trust me. Answer the phone. Please. Answer the phone. OK…MARC. ANSWER THE
PHONE AT LEAST TO SHUT IT UP.”
“Ok, ok!” He pressed connect and put it to his ear, for some reason deciding
that English was the best idea. “’ello?”
“Marc?”
“Yeah…?” He frowned up at Alex and made a ‘who the fuck is this’ face. “Who is
this?”
“Do you know many Australians?”
“Oh! You only said my name though…I couldn’t hear your accent!”
“I didn’t think so. How are you doing? Going ok after the surgery?”
“Yeah…fine thanks…well, not fine. Health is ok. Lap times are fucking slow. And
Dani..Dani. I…do you know? About any of that? Everyone seems to know
everything…”
“Yeah, actually that’s why I’m calling. He asked me to call you.”
Fuck. Why? Why would he do that? Something he couldn’t tell me?! “Oh. Ok…”
The panic must have been more evident in his voice than he’d realised because
Casey immediately reacted to it. “No, don’t worry. For a good reason. Well…not
a fun reason, but he wanted me to talk to you about something…that might help
you.”
“Right. Why are you being cryptic?”
“How do you know the word ‘cryptic’?! And…well…because you won’t like the
subject, and I want to check you can talk. Not a bad time?”
“No, it’s fine. It’s only me and Alex having breakfast. I’m ready.”
“Ok. Dani asked me to call you to talk to you about Valentino.”
Ah. Ok. “Ok…what do you mean? I believe him.”
“No, not that. About Valentino the person. Dani doesn’t agree with what I
think, really…but I think he thinks it would be useful for you to hear. Seems
like you see him the way a lot of people do…”
“Oh. Ok. I understand. I think. You’re going to tell me he’s an idiot?”
Casey laughed and shook his head on the other end of the line. “Nah nothing
like that, although I can if you want?”
Marc laughed in response and smiled at Alex’s smile directed at him across the
kitchen. “Maybe just a bit…”
“Ok. He’s an idiot.”
*
It was certainly easier getting up in the morning, and Dani realised with a
strange feeling of self-pity that how he felt now had been how he’d felt for
most of the last few years, away from the track. Everything’s ok. Not great,
not bad. Just ok. The feeling most people think is being happy. He’d started
training again, properly, and been out on the lake a few times although it was
cold if you fell in, as he’d found out, but the sun was warm enough to keep a
human at a happy temperature. 2012. Maybe this year he’d manage to not injure
himself, or have someone else injure him. Maybe this year the bad luck would
hit someone else. Although I’m not wishing that on them, FYI. He looked up at
the sky as he wondered who he was talking to, before shrugging and realising
what he’d said in that as yet unused proposal speech was pretty true – he
hadn’t found religion, no. Or God. But sometimes the odds were worth the roll.
Superstition?
Marc kept sending messages, and although the seeming impatience had irritated
him at first, he’d realised when noticing the lack of direct questions in them
that they were meant to be one way. Just ‘I’m thinking about you’, not ‘talk to
me, talk to me!’. He’d decided he’d probably call him that evening, since Casey
had reevaluated and said he’d call him in the morning, and he wanted that to
have chance to sink in. He had, though, called Emilio. Which was against every
rule he could think of but he had to know how the track time had gone, and he
couldn’t talk to Marc. It wasn’t punishment – the space was just needed. And 4
seconds was a lot. 4 seconds was worrying. 4 seconds was enough to have made
him almost press ‘call’, wondering how Marc would be dealing with it. But he
hadn’t, yet. Because he wanted to have answers to the questions he knew he
would be asked.
When can I come home? When are you going to Sepang? Am I coming? What about the
second test? Do you still love me?
He sighed and flipped his visor down, ready for another run.
Well, one of those is easily answered. I love you a hell of a lot.
*
“Smoother.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know. That’s why I’m still here.”
“Don’t be a bitch.”
“I’m not! You’re good. Believe it, show it, but…be smoother. You’ve got to go
one way or the other. Aggressive as fuck with the rear going everywhere, like
Casey and Marc, or smoooooth. Like me.” Jorge grinned at him and shrugged.
“Obviously I think my way is better, so…”
Ricky rolled his eyes in his helmet and smiled. “Ok, I know. I get your
philosophy. Less movement means more energy saved, less wasted…for you and the
bike.”
“Exactly. So…do it?” He stuck his tongue out and let out a little ‘ooof!’ as
Ricky whacked him in the stomach. “Violence! Violence! Call the police!”
“Fucking hell you are weird today.”
“I’m not, I’m just happy.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds, grinning, before Ricky wiggled his
eyebrows and flipped his visor down, muffling the words that were, however,
still loud enough to be heard.
“THIS IS SPARRTTAAA!” He gassed it from the line and ignored the figure of
eight completely, doing a stoppie at the other end of the tarmac and laughing
to himself in the helmet. That is going to annoy him. He turned back and
giggled at the sight of the Mallorcan, pouting and arms crossed, before turning
himself around and cruising back down, flipping the visor up again, puppy dog
eyes of innocence. “Like that?”
Jorge glared at him and shook his head. “No. Get off.” Ricky complied and
watched as the Yamaha rider pulled on his helmet and got on the bike. “Like
this.”
He went round the cones left first, winding back towards Ricky and then away
again in a perfect 8, hardly anything moving except the necessary, aggressive
but controlled and poised, and Ricky let himself relax for a few minutes and
just enjoy it.
I will never not be slightly starstruck by that. The 8s continued, each one
near identical to the last, before Jorge finally pulled up next to him and
flipped his visor. Because you’re just Jorge when you’re stood here, but when
you get on the bike, you’re something else. Something amazing that makes me
jealous and awed and proud at the same time.
“Like that.”
Ricky nodded and accepted the pat on the shoulder as they traded places again,
looking back at his friend and nodding. “You know it’s not that easy for
everyone else, right?”
Jorge nodded at him before tapping him on the helmet. “It’s not easy. It takes
time.”
“I know.”
“So do your time. Go.”
This time, he did try. And after a couple of hours, he was getting somewhere.
I’ll never be as good as him. But the advice of a world champion is worth
heeding. He pulled off his helmet and felt his hair ruffled back into place as
the Mallorcan took the helmet and put it on the table near the makeshift
training area, turning back around to him and nodding, smiling and squinting
into the sun. “Better.”
“I tried.”
“It shows.”
“Lunch?”
“Yeah.” Jorge nodded and fell into step beside him on the way back up to the
house, silence comfortable but quite loud at the same time, before Ricky dared
to say it.
“You kissed me. This morning.”
“I did.” The quick, assured answer surprised him and he suddenly stopped,
staring. Jorge turned to look and frowned at him. “You ok?”
“You just…said yeah, like that was normal…”
“Yeah, I did. Because I felt like it.”
“And that’s it…”
“Yeah. Right now, that’s it.”
“Ok…” Ricky paused for a second, thinking it over and wondering why he’d
suddenly started putting up a barrier between his brain and his mouth. That
thought in itself was enough to leave him blurting out the half joke/half real
question that had caused the pause. “Any chance you’ll feel like anything
else?” Like sharing your tongue?
“This is what I’m trying to not get into…” The Yamaha rider turned and faced
him fully, hands on hips. “I’ve no fucking idea what’s going on but I don’t
want to ruin anything.”
“I understand, but you won’t ruin anything will you? We’ll still be us, doesn’t
matter what happens. That’s what I think anyway. It doesn’t have to be weird,
it’s a choice.”
“Right. Ok.” Jorge nodded at him and shrugged slightly. “Well if it’s a choice
whether stuff is weird or not, then ok. I’m not freaked out. But I feel like
there may be an invisible line somewhere just in front of me, and when I cross
that, if I cross that – if we cross that - I might go insane.”
“Noted. I’ll fetch my traje de luces.”
Jorge faltered slightly over the response, ‘the line’ obviously still at the
forefront of his mind, before deciding he didn’t care. “Is it lacy and tight
fitting?”
“Yeah. Ribbed, for her pleasure.”
Jorge laughed and slapped his hands together in a little giggle fit as they
started walking again.
“My favourite.”
***** The Traje de Luces and Moments of Spectacular Insanity *****
Chapter Notes
     Some things mentioned aren't very comforting...
“Haha ok. Thanks. But…I don’t think he’s an idiot. Still. He’s a legend.”
“His name is a legend, because he’s won so much. But you know, the people he
faced to get to where he is…they aren’t the same as the ones we faced.”
“We?”
“Me, Jorge, Dani…Dovi…and so many other great riders…we were on the same grid,
before MotoGP. And it shows, now. Because we had to become who we are to make
it where we are. Am I talking too fast?”
“No, it’s ok. Nicky needs to use pictures, but I understand you. And…I see what
you mean, but I think it seems like that because he beat them all.”
“It looks that way and it’s written out that way, but…that’s not how it is, for
me. It’s because at first he had to beat people that were beatable. And when
you do that over and over again, your confidence – and your ego – seriously
grow. And ego doesn’t affect the track, much. But confidence is huge.
Confidence is the difference he’s really had. Because everyone worships him
because he’s fun, and he’s good at being publicised. He puts on a great show.
But it’s not that he’s better – it’s that he thinks he is. And that’s a
powerful thing, because he has enough talent to make it seem true. Am I making
sense?”
“Yes.”
“Are you at least understanding how I could think this?”
“Yes.”
“Ok. Now, to prove my point, how did he do last year?”
“Not great.”
“Because…?”
“Because of the bike.”
“Not all of it. I rode that bike just before him, and it’s a bitch trying to
get it up to the front, now, because everyone else moved on and you have to
make so much difference yourself. But it’s possible. It’s possible to do it,
get it up there. You just have to have confidence. And talent. But mainly, you
have to be confident that you’re going to walk along the limit, even knowing
that it might throw you off.”
“Right…”
“If you were on that bike, you’d have a win one weekend then crash the next.
That’s not what we’re seeing with Valentino, because he’s lost some confidence
and the talent isn’t enough. After…well, I think it started in Catalunya, 2009,
to be honest.”
“Why?”
You’re actually listening. Did you catch my hint? About how good you are?
“Because Jorge was with him. He stayed with him, and he almost beat him. Too
close for comfort, and it was his second year up there. The bike was good, but
if you’re going toe to toe with the greatest of all time or whatever he’s
supposed to be, and you’re coming out tenths of a second down in your second
season, that’s got to freak him out.”
“But he beat him. With an incredible overtake.”
“He did. He had to conjure up the kind of move that only confidence can create.
And he had to do it to beat a kid who’d been riding that bike for less than a
year and a half.”
“I see what you’re saying. I’d never really thought about it like that. Jorge’s
just…Jorge. Him in 250cc seems like decades ago.”
Casey laughed to himself. “That he is, and it does. Jorge’s good. Jorge’s very,
very good. But he’s still not unlocked all his potential yet, and he certainly
hadn’t then. If you’re the greatest of all time, you should be 10 seconds up
the road, waving to the crowd on the final lap. Instead, you’re arriving at T10
looking at your teammate’s exhaust.”
“Hmmm…” Not convinced, but still listening. “That’s interesting.”
“Well, you’ll beat him. Maybe even next ye…” He trailed off and made a little
‘eek’ face at Adriana sat opposite him. Now is not the time for that snippet.
“When you get up there, he’ll probably have jumped ship back to Yamaha and
you’ll see. Because he’ll have the same bike as Jorge again, and the difference
will be the toll that Ducati has taken, if they don’t sort it out. Which they
won’t, because they don’t fucking listen.”
“I guess we’ll see.”
“You will. The second bit, anyway, was the leg break. He’d never missed a race
before that. He was untouchable, then a split second later he’s not. That
showed. Then what happened…last year. That breaks my heart. I don’t really like
him or respect him, but I…pff.” Adriana wound her fingers through his and
squeezed his hand as he swallowed and tried to carry on. “…I can’t imagine what
that must be like. In fact, that’s probably the one thing I respect him for.
Because he got back on, straightaway, and he carried on. That’s more than 9
titles, to me. Because that’s something you really create from who you are.”
“I agree. I mean…I…” Marc stopped and took a deep breath. “Are you ok to talk?
More? I mean…can I talk to you about something?”
“Yeah. Go ahead. We’re having dinner. Well, no…we had dinner and now we’re
eating too many cookies.”
Marc smiled and felt a slight pang hit him as he imagined having just eaten
with Dani, followed by cookies. “Sounds like you’re keeping in shape, then…”
“To be fair, most of the cookies are being eaten by my pregnant wife.” There
was a thwack! followed by a short ow! and Marc imagined Adriana must have
whacked him, which was confirmed. “She hit me. Go back onto neutral ground..!”
Marc grinned to himself and tracked Alex’s departure out the kitchen, quite
glad to be alone for the next bit. “Ok. I just…I was going to talk to Jorge
about it but you might be better, because you love her. I don’t think he knows
what it feels like.”
“I don’t think he does either. He wants to. I hope he does one day…”
“Me too. But…I don’t know. Ok. Let’s put a pause on that for a second, yes? Go
back to Valentino. Because the track stuff isn’t what matters to me, and what I
want to talk about is...harder.”
“Ok, yeah..sorry, I got a bit carried away. Ok, well…I guess the point I was
making is that the person and the name are separate. The name is nine titles,
the person is a guy from Italy. And he’s not a bad person but he’s not the
messiah. He’s got charisma, he’s got money, and lots of it, because he’s had
success, because of that confidence, like I said before. That and the charisma…
The two together are powerful. As I think you’ll find out because you’ve got
those too, but underneath he’s no different to other people. Well, no…he is.
Because on the track and off are separate for him, yeah…but it seems like he’s
spent so long on the track, being successful, that he forgot to figure out who
he really was behind the smiles and champagne. The exact opposite of Jorge, and
me, basically. And he’s not someone Dani’s going to love…again? If he did
before, I don’t really know. But don’t be threatened by a persona, because
you’re a person. And Dani’s now had enough time away from him to realise that,
I think. And realise that he really hasn’t changed that much. Maybe he really
cares about Dani, but he’ll care more about the show than anyone until he
finally retires and realises what all that’s actually worth.” He coughed
slightly and listened nervously to the silence. “Is that too harsh? Obviously
he’s not a demon or anything, it’s just… a shame, I guess. That he has a
costume.”
Marc thought it over, nodding to himself, before sighing and trying to figure
out what he thought. “I don’t agree, but I don’t think you were mean, if that’s
what you’re worried about? It feels good to hear someone say these things. All
that comes in my head when someone says ‘Valentino’ is just thunder and
lightning and…feeling…threatened. Or it did. But what Dani said the other night
and what you’ve just said…maybe I don’t agree with what you’re
saying…because…well…we’re being honest?”
“I am…”
“Well then you need to fucking smile more and enjoy yourself! You’re amazing at
what you do, and I don’t understand why you hide.”
“Because I hate the attention. I like winning. But I don’t do it for the
public, I do it for me, and everybody behind me.”
“I understand that, I just…I don’t know. Vale has a lot of fun, usually. You
can’t deny that…?”
“I’m not denying that, don’t worry. He does. I think. I can’t tell anymore. But
that’s not my version of fun. Today, I did training this morning, then me and
Adri had lunch in a restaurant by the beach, then we walked along the beach,
then we saw a movie because she was tired, and then I cooked. That, for me,
will always be more fun than anything where 500 people are in the room writing
down what I’m saying.”
“Well…I do kind of get that now. Sitting next to Dani and watching him read is
more interesting than…most other things.”
“Haha, I know. Well, sounds like you’ve got it bad. Or real. Whichever you
want.”
“Real.”
“Good choice.”
“Good. Yeah, I guess. But I like the other stuff too. The balance is what makes
each bit good, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is. I’m not trying to brainwash you here, live how you want. You
already do, but…the point isn’t comparing you or telling you how to change. The
point is to break the myth about him.”
“I know. I think you have, both of you. But I still really respect what he’s
done on the bike. He can just get his dirty Italian hands away from my
boyfriend.”
Casey laughed and took a few seconds to stop, Adriana’s eyes widening happily
at watching the reaction. “Well…that’s a good philosophy. And I think he will,
but-“
“But the point is that I need to believe that Dani doesn’t want his dirty
Italian hands on him. I know. I got it.”
“You’re a quick learner.”
“I’ve heard that before.” He said it as though he would have said it to Dani,
cheek in his voice making it perfectly clear what he was talking about. All
those things I got a lot better at. Good with my fingers… “Sorry…”
“I wasn’t sure if I took that the right way but that apology says yes.” Another
laugh. “Don’t apologise, mate. If you’re apologising because you think I’m
uncomfortable because you’re talking about Dani, or guys…I’m not.”
“Ok. Good. Then I’m not sorry. Going back to what I wanted to ask you…Is this
ok? More talking?”
“Fire away. As long as it’s not about….that.”
“Haha it’s not, don’t worry! Don’t need to ask about that anymore! Anyway…ok.”
He took a deep breath and went back to serious mode. “Going back…to Valentino
getting back on the bike after what happened…I mean…that whole part of what we
do. How do I deal with it? I mean…I…ok. I keep having nightmares. Well…not in a
medical repeating way, just a few times. Where…we’ve been racing. Team Repsol
Honda. At Sepang. Me and Dani, teammates….sorry I’m not sure where you are in
this future…but anyway…it’s the final lap, and I’m behind him. And I want to
pass him because I want to win. Because I don’t have a problem with that, at
all. That’s separate. Track and ‘real life’. But I keep imagining that we get
to that last corner, and the crowd is roaring, and I’m close, but am I close
enough? He’s covering the line but I think I can make it…and then…” He stopped
and swallowed, hard, trying to keep his voice steady. “Then I go to overtake
him, and we hit each other. And I hit him.” Deep breath, a few of them, mood
suddenly so different. “And he...he dies.”
There was a long pause from the other end of the line and Marc found himself
leaning forward as though he was in the room with him, and had just missed the
response.
“Hello?”
“I, er…I’m here. Sorry. I….I didn’t really expect you to say that. What do you
want me to say? I mean, you want advice, or you want to talk at me?”
“I want you to tell me how I deal with it. Well, no…I want you to tell me
that…that I’m not dangerous. I…want you to tell me that I can share a track
with him and not hurt him.”
Casey took a deep breath and locked eyes with Adriana again, slight stress at
whether this territory would make Marc explode. “You want me to be honest?”
“Yes.”
“Right. Well, there’s risk. There’s always risk. That will never go away, but
that makes it something for some people. I don’t like that, but I guess you
do?”
“For how it makes me feel, yeah. Watching Dani, I fucking hate it.”
“Ok, I get that. That, you have to live with. And I think you can and you
already have been doing, right? But…you…I don’t know how to put this. Are you
feeling sensitive?”
“Yeah.”
“Right. You’re not dangerous, but you have moments of spectacular insanity.
Like when you randomly just punted Wilairot. Like a full on body slam-”
“I didn’t see him! It was weird, ok? It just…I don’t know. He seemed to be
going so much faster and I just caught him too fa-“
“No excuses. I’m not asking you to justify anything. Everybody makes mistakes.
Like Dani when he hit Nicky. Everyone has those moments. And they’ll always
happen. But they’ve happened to you quite a lot. Don’t take this personally,
right? You’re not dangerous when you’re focused on what you’re doing, when
you’re grounded. But sometimes you lose that focus for a second. That’s
dangerous. But that’s not you, or how you ride. You ride the bike like I do,
and you fight like Valentino. And Iannone. And that can be ok. But you can’t
take control from people. That’s the key. I don’t think you should ever touch
another rider or bike, but I know you don’t quite agree with that. And when I’m
a bit more relaxed I can see why…but you can’t take control away from the other
rider. That’s really, really dangerous. That’s why Laguna annoyed me so much.
You brush me a bit when you go past, ok. I don’t agree with it but I’m not a
baby. But when you want a place so badly that you’re willing to send someone
heading off the racing line fighting for control of their own bike, that’s not
ok. If you do that and someone can’t get that control back, they’re either
broken or dead.”He took a breath and tried to get back on track.“Sorry, I will
help. I’m getting to it…what I mean is, you are not dangerous. You need to
focus more sometimes, and maybe think a bit more about the risk versus the
reward, especially when you’re out there on your own. You don’t need to win a
race by 20 seconds, you only need a hundredth. And I know, I know that’s not
enough, when you’re out there. But it’s true. If there’s anyone in Moto2 who’s
going to arrive to MotoGP with a bang, like we did, it’s going to be you. And
you’re not going to be dangerous, at least, not to those around you, if you’re
100% on the bike, in your head, every second. Mistakes happen. But it’s usually
either horrible fate or recklessness that causes bigger problems. Half of that,
you have the power to control. So control it. Don’t think about that dream.
Well, maybe think about it sometimes, but when you need to, not as paranoia.
When you’re weighing up whether a move is worth it. Dani may be the center of
your world, but everybody on the grid is important to somebody, you know?”
“I guess they are. That's a good way of looking at it.”
“Thanks. And they are. Somewhere in the middle of risk and reward is the point
where you start to think about titles. And if you get the right point in the
middle and add some brain to it, you start to think about a lot of titles. And
if you can stay there, and fight it out…depends how long you’re going to want
to race for, I guess, and how long Jorge and Dani are going to race for. But
you’re not going to need to feel threatened by him on track either. So, just
take it steady and wind it up. No rush.” Casey laughed slightly to himself at
the ‘what are you talking about’ before catching Adriana’s eye and smiling,
enjoying the fact that the kid hadn’t grasped the absence of ‘Casey Stoner’ in
this vision of the future. “What I’m talking about is the fact that you’re
going to beat the great Valentino Rossi on the track. Often. And you’re going
to beat Dani, less often. And you’re going to beat Jorge, less often than that.
But at the end of the day, what I think you’re going to beat is the magic
number:NINE.”
***** Fighting Talk From The Rookie *****
Chapter Notes
     So Jorge and Ricky are a bit behind in the timeline atm, ja?
     Thanks for reading, people! :)
“So…you might go insane?”
They were on the sofa again, how they had been before Marc interrupted the day
before, and Ricky’s arm had actually managed to wind its way around the
Mallorcan, this time. And there they’d stayed, before eventually they’d turned,
and looked at each other, and got closer, and closer, and close enough to taste
the mint ice cream in the other’s breath, and then Jorge had stopped, and Ricky
had looked at him, trying to decide if it was a ‘no’ or a ‘go for it but I
can’t do it myself’, eventually deciding it was the latter. And they’d kissed.
Not like upstairs in the morning when it had been a cheeky peck on the lips and
a hasty retreat like a suddenly brave 10 year old, but a proper kiss. Tongues
and hands tangled. And for Ricky, a swirl of emotions that almost hit him
harder than the reality.
“I might.” Jorge didn’t move his gaze from the TV but a slight smile was
evident from the profile view. “But there’s no bullfighting in Catalunya so…not
sure how you’d really…take me on.”
Oh. I see. We’re in that mood now. “I think I could probably manage it.”
“Oh, really?”
“Really. And I’m surprised I’m getting fighting talk from the rookie.”
There were a few seconds of silence in which conflicting expressions hit
Jorge’s face, before finally he hung his head slightly. “Ok, no…you have to
explain that.”
“Awww…did baby think I was a rookie too?” Ricky grinned at the shock, glee and
horror on his friend’s face. “Nah-ah. I could teach you a few things, in this
arena.”
“Wh…!” Jorge sat up straight, staring, eyes wide and popping out, as Ricky’s
arm fell back onto the sofa. “WHAT?!”
*
“Wanna do some motocross tomorrow?”
Alex looked up and nodded, grinning. “Yeah. You think that’s a good idea?”
“Gotta practice. I’m healthy…”
“So your logic is ‘let’s do the riskiest form of training’? Ok.” The younger
brother stuck out his tongue and shrugged. “If you want to train with me, I’ll
always say yeah.”
“Sorry I’ve been a shit brother, recently.”
“That’s ok.” He took a sip of his drink before almost spitting it out in haste
to clarify. “What I mean is, you haven’t, but how everything has been is ok.”
“I know that’s what you meant…” Marc grinned and shrugged. “But the first thing
was the truth. Sorry. I’m back now.”
“To sanity or health?”
“Whatever I had before.”
“Health, then.” Another grin. “And yeah, sounds good. Just me and you or more
people?”
“Just me and you for now. I don’t know what I’ll be like and I don’t want…I
don’t know. I don’t want anyone seeing if I’m…embarassing.”
“Ok. I understand. That’s cool with me. And you won’t be.”
“Everything is cool with you.”
“I’m a cool guy.”
“Yeah, you are!” Marc grinned again and slapped him on the shoulder as he
walked past, back towards the fridge. “If Casey can eat cookies, I can eat that
Crema Catalana, right?”
“You could…”
Marc opened the fridge, content enough at that, and then turned round, glaring.
“You already ate it.”
“…but I already ate it. Sorry not sorry. It was amazing. Probably the best
thing I’ve ever eaten.”
“Fuck you.”
“Ouch.”
Marc pouted and shut the fridge. “Fiiiine. It’s for the best, I guess.
Something has to slow you down soon. Might as well be obesity.”
“Pffff. I’m lean and mean.”
“You aren’t mean. But yeah, fair enough. Fairly lean.” He was about to carry
on, sure there must be something else that could be used as ammunition, before
a voice yelled from the top of the stairs.
I KNOW YOU KIDS STAY UP LATER THAN US, BUT PLEASE BE QUIET! AND ALEX ATE TWO OF
THEM, WE TRIED TO SAVE THE LAST ONE FOR YOU! GOODNIGHT! HOPEFULLY!
Marc’s mouth dropped open in mock shock as he turned back from the source of
noise to look at his brother. “Oh my God. It’s worse than we thought. Will you
fit in your leathers? What about the Prom?!”
Alex tried to put wit before laughing and failed. “I was hungry…”
“Well…now I am. Me and Africa, we’re starving. And you’re just sat there with
your big grin eating all the desserts…”
“Even though the crime is now twice as big-“
“Like you…!”
“Pfff. But even though it is, I’m still not sorry. So…pfffff.”
“Pfff.”
BOYS, SHUT UP.
They looked at each other and laughed in unison, under their breath, before
Marc felt it go slightly as another warm thought hit him. “You know, ‘boys’
doesn’t even annoy me…”
“Progress.”
“I guess s-“ Marc stopped and looked down at where his phone had started to
jiggle across the work surface, expecting maybe Emilio or Santi or maybe even
Jorge, and it being none of the above. “Oh my God!” He squeaked slightly and
picked it up, eyes shining down at the screen..
“What?!”
“It’s Dani!”
Alex watched his face light up and nodded, smiling at the massive smile on his
face. “Good. I’m going to bed. I’ll shut the door so you can talk.”
Marc nodded before grinning down at the phone again and taking a deep breath as
his brother did just that.
Thank God. “H-hello.”
“Hey. It’s me.”
I know. He tried to think of anything to convey the feeling, before settling
for the simplest.
“I’m happy.”
*
“Well…yeah…?”
“WHAT?!”
“Ok…I know we tell each other everything…but this wasn’t exactly something I
was comfortable talking about, before.”
“So…you’re gay. Everybody in the paddock is gay.”
“Well…” Ricky grinned and shrugged. “Can’t talk for them…but no. I’m not gay. I
don’t know where my ‘line’ is…but I’ve slept with guys. And liked it. That’s
all…right now…”
“But…”
“But?”
“But…you never told me!”
“Did I ever say ‘last night I slept with a woman’?”
“Well, no…but…it was implied…”
“Ah, there’s the problem…’cause it was in no way implied.”
“Fuck!” Jorge got to his feet and did a little pirouette of confusion, trying
to head in three directions at once and ultimately staying stationary. “What is
happening! Everybody is gay!”
“I’m not saying I’m gay.”
“But…GUYS!”
“Yeah!” Ricky sat up straighter and stared up at him. “Maybe you don’t need to
label everything though, right? Maybe just do what feels right and see what
happens.”
“That’s what I was doing.”
“So what’s going on now?”
“I don’t know! I have no idea!!” He pirouetted again and missed the elegance,
landing back on the sofa and covering his face with his hands, a few seconds of
muttering silence before he spoke again.
“I think I found the line.”
*
“You ok?”
“I was, now I’m a lot better. You?”
“Same.”
“I miss you like hell.”
“Same…”
SO LET ME COME HOME! “So…what’s new with you?”
“Well…not much. I got a fun phone call from the town hall about an abandoned
bike in Mont Blanc car park…” The HRC rider was smiling when he said it and
then was perfectly obvious to Marc, who grinned an ‘oops’ on the other end of
the line.
“Ah. Fuck…yeah sorry, never called them to sort that out.”
“No worries. It’s back in the garage now, waiting for you.”
SO LET ME COME HOME! “That’s my cue to ask, I guess. Can I ask?”
“You can. I’ve been thinking, and training, and also fell in the lake
windsurfing…which put a lot into perspective. About being cold.”
Marc smiled to himself and felt the opposite hit him in the chest. Hope. I see
hope at the end of the tunnel. Do it. Press reset and go back to normal.
Warmth. “Did the cold water make you even smaller?”
There were a few seconds of pause before Dani started to giggle, pressure
released and the sound like the best album in the world, before he got it back
under control and sighed slightly; frustration, love and affection all vying
for attention. ”Fuck I miss you.”
“I miss you. Sorry if that was too soon.”
“It’s never too soon to remind me who you are.”
“Good.” Marc took a deep breath and grinned at himself in the reflection on the
window. “But…you’ve been thinking?”
“I have. I’m going to Sepang in a couple of days. On my own. After depends on
what our plans look like. What have you got?”
“I’m testing for the first time, properly, the week between the two tests.
MotoGP tests.”
“Ok. So you’re free for the second?”
Marc felt his heart start to speed up, the waiting suddenly seeming like it may
have been worth it and the status-quo suddenly seeming to have an end. “Yeah…”
“Good, because I got a double room.”
He closed his eyes as the relief suddenly hit him full force, hope turned into
reality again, suddenly on the verge of everything. “O-ok.”
“Ok?”
“M-more than..” Cough. “More than ok. I’m just…too happy to talk. Properly.”
“Ok.”
The Moto2 rider grinned at the tone of the reply and looked up at the ceiling
to try and get himself back under control. “K thanks, bye.”
Dani laughed again and shook his head. “You’re a dick.”
“Yeah, I really am.” Seriousness back.
“Hey. No. If we’re going to sort this out, we start from zero. Well, not zero,
because I already love you. But we start from zero guilt and zero anything
else, ok?”
“O-ok.”
“At least try and sound like you mean it…”
“I really, really mean it. I just don’t deserve it.”
Dani sighed, frustration and affection again but the first one winning. “I’m
not saying it again. It’s…zero, or nothing. I mean it. I love you, and I’m on
the way to forgiving you. I’m not trying to punish you, ok? I’m trying to just
get the space I need to figure it all out. But you have to deal with the guilt.
And the Valentino inferiority complex. Is that fair?”
“That’s fair.”
“Fair is all I want. I wasn’t a saint either. That’s fair to say. How we ended
up here, though…that’s not on me. So you deal with yours, and I’ll deal with
mine, and we’ll sort it out. Together. Right?”
“Right.” I love you. He felt it all start to knot in the center of his chest.
“I love you, Dani. So much. And I feel that all the time, like a little fire
that someone magic and invisible keeps putting logs onto so it’s always
burning. But sometimes you…I don’t know. Sometimes you make it explode. Like
now.”
Wow. “Well…some day, when you write your vows…your words are going to impress
me.”
We’re going to be ok. Marc leant down on the kitchen counter and took a long,
slow breath as the words unravelled into his ear, relief making his legs go
weak. Some day, I might find the right words. “I’ll try.”
“I know you will.” There was a little pause as they both let it sink in. “I
spoke to Emilio, too. About Montmeló.”
“Oh.”
“I wanted to know, but I didn’t think I could speak to you. Ok?”
“Yeah, of course. I’m happy you wanted to know.”
“I’ll always want to know. Did you get my other messenger giving you a call?”
“Casey? Or Jorge?”
“Casey! Why, did Jorge call?”
“Yeah, I did, and yeah…he did. I didn’t understand a lot of it but he was a bit
drunk and he would only say ‘but it’s Ricky so it’s normal, right?’ over and
over again.”
Dani laughed and sighed, affection only this time. “I think they’re on that
journey of discovery…or he is.”
“Maybe!” Marc grinned and shrugged, to no one. “But…I don’t know. He sounded
freaked out.”
“Weren’t you freaked out, the first time you looked at a guy and went ‘hmm I
like’?”
“No..?!”
“Oh. Ok…maybe it’s the ones in the middle that happens to, then. Or the ones
who don’t know where they are. Or the ones who’ve been living in a thinly-
veiled domestic partnership for years and never realised…”
Marc giggled at that and covered his mouth with his hand as the noise got too
loud. “Well, you know he likes being different. There’s normal, there’s
abnormal, and then there’s Jorge Lorenzo.”
“That sounds like a tagline for an aftershave. He should do one. Righteous
Confusion: the new fragrance from Jorge Lorenzo.”
The Moto2 rider bit his lip as the laugh definitely became loud enough to keep
people awake, confirmed a second later when there was a bang on the ceiling
followed by ARE YOU LAUGHING BY YOURSELF?!
“Hang on, my mother’s yelling. In a good way.” He covered the phone with his
hand and looked up at the ceiling. “NO! I’M TALKING TO DANI!”
OH! GOOD!
“WE AGREE!”
His dad this time. I’M HAPPY FOR YOU! NOW SHUT UP!
Marc grinned to himself as he heard Alex join in with a YOU’RE LOUDER THAN HIM
RIGHT NOW followed by an indignant DON’T YOU START from Roser, before faint
laughter trickled down to the kitchen.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. We’re just yelling at each other to be quiet. Well, they are. Makes
sense, right?”
“Perfect sense. Speaking of sense…well, can you talk? Is it too loud?”
“No, it’s fine when I’m talking it’s just…my laugh…”
“Ah. Well, yeah.”
“Hey!”
“Not a bad thing. Just a loud thing.”
“Hmm…maybe…”
“Definitely. Anyway…did you talk to Casey?”
“Yeah…I did. It was interesting.”
“Was it a good idea?”
“I think so. Was nice to know you thought about it. But I think you did the
trick though, before…with what you said about which world I was judging him in.
But…it was interesting. And I get it. I don’t agree with all of-“
“Me neither. But it keeps a bit of perspective, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
“I talked to him for a while, actually. He helped out.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Nothing bad, don’t worry. Just about…safety and the future…”
“Safety and the future…?”
“Well…yeah. Me, basically. He…ok…we talked about risk and racing and
everything…how to deal with it all, I guess. And then he said I might beat
nine.”
“Nine?”
“Valentino’s nine. He said he thinks I might beat it.”
Dani chuckled to himself and nodded. “I guess that’s one thing we do agree on,
then. Right…go to sleep, so will I, and we’ll sort out when you’re coming back.
And I’ll talk to you again, soon. See how it goes, give me space...”
“Ok.” Fuck! “Sounds like a plan. I’ll try. And I love you.” You agree?! “And
I’ll speak to you soon.”
“You will. Love you too. Night.”
“Goodnight.”
Dani cancelled the call and Marc stood there staring at the phone for a few
seconds before it started to sink in.
Nine.
He looked at his reflection again and then back at the phone, grinning from ear
to ear.
‘Love you too.’ I love you I love you I love you...
“Done? I need milk.” Alex’s head popped round the door and smiled at him.
“Sorry…didn’t hear anything, promise…”
“Nothing much to hear. Come in.”
“I will…”
Marc smiled at him and absently watched him drink from the bottle, again,
before the gaps in the conversation he’d had with the Australian started to
tick over in his brain.
‘Depends how long ‘they’ race for.’ ‘You’ll beat him, sometimes you’ll beat
Dani and Jorge…’
“I think Casey’s going to retire.”
Alex frowned at him and gulped down the milk already in his mouth to reply.
“What?”
“I think Casey’s going to retire at the end of the season.”
“What?!!”
Marc nodded to himself as he went through it again. “I talked to him earlier,
and I didn’t think about it…but we were talking about the future and he didn’t
mention himself at all.”
Alex just stared at him. “He’s only 26.”
“He’s only interested in riding.”
“But he’s only 26.”
“But he hates so much of the rest of the life.”
“Ok.” Alex held his hands up in surrender and shrugged. “Maybe you’re right. I
have no idea.”
“I think I am…” Marc snapped himself out of it slightly and then let the grin
spread across his face again, slower but brighter, as a shiver ran down his
back. “But you know what that means, right?”
Alex shrugged in return and put the milk back. “Dani vs Jorge again?”
Marc shook his head and watched as his brother’s face started to mirror the
grin, confused but happy to reciprocate.
“No. It means REPSOL HONDA.”
***** Table 12 *****
“Ok, just calm down.” Ricky got to his feet and looked down at the sight in
front of him. “Just take some deep breaths and we’ll figure it out.”
“I don’t know if it can be figured out. I’m not gay. And I’m not saying that
because I’m scared or confused, I’m saying that because I genuinely know I’m
not gay.”
“Ok.” Ricky nodded, despite his friend’s inability to take his hands from his
eyes, and knelt in front of him. “That’s ok. Look at me…?”
Jorge did, slowly, and narrowed his eyes. “I’m not gay. It’s just…you.”
“Just me?”
The Yamaha rider nodded and took a deep breath. “I love women. This isn’t the
same. You’re just…you. It’s not enough.”
I hope you explain that… “What do you mean?”
“I mean…I mean it’s not enough. Being around you and just being ‘friends’…it’s
not enough. But being…I don’t know. Going too far…that’s too much.”
*
“So…you thought you’d be…embarrassing…?” Alex grinned at him and shrugged.
“Really?!”
Marc grinned and nodded. “I think…I think something changed. Did I tell you
what Dani and Casey said?”
“Yeah. You did. Don’t let it go to your head.”
“It’s not. Don’t worry. I think I just needed to hear someone tell me I can do
it. Or still do it.”
“I tell you that all that time.”
“That’s different. Especially Casey…he’s further away. You know?”
“I think I do.” The younger brother nodded and smiled. “So…we done for the day?
We probably should be.”
Marc looked across the track and then back. “Yeah. We should.” He twisted the
throttle a few times and snapped his goggles back into place, having to yell to
be heard. “FIVE MORE MINUTES?!”
*
“Ok. Fine. I’m not trying to make you do anything or leap into bed with you. I
have no line. I’m happy being your friend, or more. I’m going to bed, now. So
just...calm down. Think about it, don’t stress about it.” Ricky smiled up at
him, slightly successful in trying to lighten the mood, and shrugged. “But it’s
not enough. I agree with that.”
Jorge nodded and reached out to squeeze his hands. “Good. Because I need you. I
really do. You’re the bit that keeps me number 99, instead of 48. Well, other
than the fans. You know that, right?”
Ricky felt a lump in his throat and did his best to hide it. “I do know that.
But there’s a difference between being an affectionate friend and more than
that. You know?”
“I do. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Ricky walked slowly up the stairs before he realised the last bit he’d not
thought about: where he was going to bed. He stopped outside Jorge’s door
before thinking it through and turning left into the room Marc had used, not
keen on using the same sheets but knowing the space was needed.
And if he really wants to, he can join me in here.
*
“Good day?”
“YES.” Marc grinned his stupidest smile and accepted the beer offered to him by
his dad. “I’M BACK. Well…I’m not back. But I won’t come last anymore. So
tomorrow, Montmeló again. Then we concentrate on points. Then we go for top 10.
Then top 5. Then we hopefully get back to me.”
“Good. You will.”
“I know.” The Moto2 rider smiled and nodded as he took the first sip and
collapsed into a chair on the patio. “I know I will. I’m going to win this
championship, and I’m going to do it before Valencia.”
Julià took a deep breath and smiled. “You will.” The relief at seeing the
difference in his son was starting to grow after every few seconds more he
spent with him. “It’s good to hear you say that.”
“Thank Dani.”
“You did it.”
“I did. But-“
“I know, I know. You don’t have to say anything else. Even just since you
talked to him a couple of days ago, you’re…back.”
“I know! And….” Marc smiled as he felt his pocket start to vibrate. “Seems like
I’m ready for another recharge…” He answered it and held it up to his ear.
“Hello, my love.”
“Reading real books again?”
“No. Well…I read a copy of Motociclismo magazine, but it wasn’t very poetic.”
“Good. I was getting worried. Motocross again today?”
“Yeah. Getting better.”
“Good. Montmeló again tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Whole day. Should be better, I’m feeling a lot stronger and we’ve done a
lot of training so I’m hoping it’ll be good.”
“Good. I’m on the way to the airport. I’m a bit worried really…I’ve not seen
Vale for a while. It’s going to be strange.” I refuse to ignore talking about
him…
“You’ll be ok. Jorge and Casey are there.”
“Yeah I have a feeling I’m going to need to pay back some of this Spartan help.
I got a text from him about 5 minutes ago that said ‘I’m inviting myself to
table 12. And I’m on the plane’.”
“Table 12?”
“It’s the Repsol Honda table in the restaurant opposite the hotel. Mine and
Casey’s kingdom. The food in the hotel is horrible. Which you will find out in
a couple of weeks.”
“Hmmm tasty.”
“Joys of the top class. Some of them are nightmares. Which you’ll find out.
Right…I’m at the airport. I’ll call you tomorrow after the track day, if I can
work out the time difference. Please be careful. And tomorrow we’ll sort out
everything. You’re testing Monday to Wednesday when I’m back?”
“Yeah think so?”
“Thursday then. Valentino’s birthday. Which I believe is the day before yours?”
He remembered… “Thursday. Sounds perfect. Kind of feels right. I’ll be 18 then.
Even though no one’s trying to stop me anymore, feels like a good day to go
home.”
“It does. Ok, I’ll talk to you soon. Be careful. Love you.”
“You too. Please be careful. And I love you.”
*
Jorge didn’t join him, and the next day’s training had lost the spark. And the
next. Until eventually Ricky was dropping him off at the airport and watching
him walk away and start to draw glances.
I hope Dani can talk to you, for once, better than I can. Or someone.
*
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 We’re at the table. Where are you?
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa In the hotel bar with Cal and Matt. Remember
them?
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 I do! Are they still…together?
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa seems like it. You might be off the hook with
the advice
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 Good, I’m not good at it. Ask Cal, he’s as
straight as you…jaja
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa TOO SOON (but jaja)
*
“Ok.” Jorge put down his beer and stared across the table at them. “You know I
know, right?”
“Know what?” Cal smirked and stole a glance at Matt. “Know you’re a dick?”
“No. You two are together. I know. You know I talk to Dani now?”
Cal’s face was a mask of denial, glee and fear, Matt’s just fear. “You talk to
him enough for him to have told you that?!”
“Yeah. I won’t tell anyone if you want it kept quiet. But…I need your help.”
The presenter had finally found his tongue. “I told him not to tell anyone.”
“Technically, you told Marc that, on Dani’s phone. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.
Why I’m telling you is because Calvin is the straightest person I know but he’s
also fucking you. I need help with that.”
“Just have to ask…he’s easy.” Cal winked at him and nudged Matt. “Right? Didn’t
take so much effort…”
“Screw you!”
“Yeah, you do…” Cal grinned and squeezed his knee under the table. “Sorry,
sweetcheeks. I’m guessing you’re talking about Ricky, though?”
Jorge nodded at him and took another sip of beer, temporarily putting the
bottle down before deciding to down it, slamming the table slightly in victory
and taking a deep breath. “Yeah. Ricky. I’m not gay. I’m not interested in
anyone else. I look at girls, I’m only interested in girls. Genuinely, I don’t
look at Ricky and feel like…I don’t know…like I do with women. But…being
friends with him isn’t enough. It feels too…distant…”
“Right. Well…I do know what you mean in a way. But I do think Matt’s very, very
hot.”
The presenter went slightly pink and took a swig of beer. “Thaaaaanks!”
“Just telling the truth.” They grinned at each other and Jorge weighed it up.
They’re like we are, except they have sex. “Right…well…I don’t know if I do
think Ricky is hot. Not in the same way…”
“Ok, well…what’s happened so far? Anything?”
“We kissed, a couple of times. And we’ve slept in the same bed.”
“And how did it feel?”
“Normal. In bed. Kiss…maybe a bit weird. But not bad, just weird.”
“Did it turn you on?”
“Once we were actually…kissing…yeah. But before that…I don’t know. It’s like we
weren’t doing it because we were attracted to each other, but once it was
happening…”
“Right. Ok. Well…I dunno. I think you just need to go slow and see what
happens. It’s Ricky though, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“I meant ‘it’s Ricky so it will never get ruined’. But your question makes me
think you’re thinking ‘it’s Ricky’ is basically the only thing you need to
think about.”
“Hmm.” Jorge reached forward and took a swig from the British rider’s beer,
earning a glare. “It IS Ricky. But he’s a guy.”
“Yeah. He is. We’re all just human though. So carry on like normal. Instinct.
See what happens. If he’s waited this long he’ll wait longer.”
He’s waiting?! “You don’t think he…I don’t know. It’s all on me?”
“I think so.” Cal grabbed his beer back and narrowed his eyes as he took a
proprietorial sip. “You’re holding the cards.” He nudged Matt again and they
shared a look, Cal still talking to the Mallorcan but looking at the BBC
presenter. “Like I was.”
*
@lorenzo99: DM @rickycardus88 I talked to Cal, he thinks you might be in love
with me
@rickycardus88: DM @lorenzo99 maybe a bit ;) you’re aammaaaazzzziiinnnnggg
@lorenzo99: DM @rickycardus88 jajaja #takeitslow #sorry #butImissyou
#hashtaginaDM
@rickycardus88: DM @lorenzo99 #imusedtowaiting #missyoutoo #thatsokfornow
#burnituptomorrow
@lorenzo99: DM @rickycardus88 #settingthestandard #thisyearisMYyear
@rickycardus88: DM @lorenzo99 #IlllookforyouonTV #asIcleanyourhouse #housewife
@lorenzo99: DM @rickycardus88 call the cleaner!
@rickycardus88: DM @lorenzo99 Just doing a quick clean because people are
coming over #sorryforgottoask
@lorenzo99: DM @rickycardus88 #thatsok #itsyourhousetoo
#butwhothefuckdoyouknowwhoisnthere
@rickycardus88: DM @lorenzo99 #heyIhavefriends #Moto2friends #coolfriends
#kneegroundontheway ;)
@lorenzo99: DM @rickycardus88 #dontbreakanything #especiallynotyourself
@rickycardus88: DM @lorenzo99 #onlyhearts ;) jaja…nah, Jordi Torres, Pol, Marc
and Alex, Tito, #maybeMaverick #nooneknowsifhe’llcome #becausehe’saMaverick
@lorenzo99: DM @rickycardus88 #jaja #havefun #nopunctuationinhashtags
#lookafterthekids
@rickycardus88: DM @lorenzo99 #willdo #usedtoit #fuckoffnow #toomanyhashtags
@lorenzo99: DM @rickycardus88
#pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff xxx
@rickycardus88: DM @lorenzo99 OH HELLO, KISSES?! Jajaja... (I’m just
kidding...speak soon!)
*
“Finally the Spartan has arrived. We already ordered. No Cal and Matt?”
Jorge grinned and shook his head. “Nah. They’re having some alone time. What
did you order?”
Casey got to his feet and gave him a man hug, Dani then following suit and
everyone having a little ‘woah there Pedrosa and Lorenzo just hugged’ moment.
“I ordered Spaghetti Bolognese, because I know what it is.”
“I ordered Char kway teow because I’m not Australian.”
Jorge smiled at that and shrugged. “Well…maybe I’ll go for…whatever that is. To
keep that tradition rolling…”
“I’m going to the bathroom, so I’ll sort it.” Dani frowned at the expressions
before realizing what they thought that meant. “By which I mean…I’m walking
past the bar, so I will add your order to ours.”
Jorge and Casey nodded and smiled at him as he walked away, Jorge taking the
chair opposite the Australian, next to where Dani would return to, and sighing.
“Another year…”
“Another year.” Casey smiled at him and shrugged. “You ok?”
“Yeah, I am. I’m good. Winter got fucking complicated, but I’m feeling good.
Feeling like I’m going to take that crown back.”
“I’ll try my best to stop that happening! So…Dani and Marc, seems to be getting
back on track?”
“Yeah seems that way. Did you call Marc? Or did I make that up?”
“Yeah, I did. Interesting kid. Good talk. Dani asked me to call him to talk
about…” Casey trailed off and his eyes tracked from Jorge’s face to a point
some way behind him, the sound of the door opening punctuating the pause.
“Well…about him.”
The Yamaha rider turned to look at whoever it was who had come in, already
knowing, still feeling a slight ‘eek’ when it was confirmed. “Ah. Him.”
“Yeah. And…he’s coming over…”
“I’m ok with that, now. Mostly.”
“I’m not, really.”
“I know. But manners are free.”
“I didn’t say I was going to tell him to fuck off.”
“Good.” Jorge joined him in a quick laugh before the Italian was close enough
to probably hear anything said. The Mallorcan got to his feet and nodded at
him, earning a nod in return as Valentino finally ended up in front of him and
held out his hand. Jorge shook it and smiled. “Hey. How’s it going?”
“Not too bad. You?”
“Pretty good.” The Yamaha rider watched the guarded ‘hellos’ exchanged between
the two other’s before noticing Dani appear again over the other side of the
room. “Dani’s coming back.”
“That’s ok. I need to see him.”
“Hmm…does he need to see you?”
“Yeah.” Vale smiled and raised an eyebrow. “We need to see each other at some
point. Why wait?” He turned as he realised Dani was close, and smiled at him.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” The smaller Repsol Honda rider smiled at him, slightly awkward but not
hostile, before the conflict on his face was resolved and he pulled the Italian
into a casual but real hug. “Good to see you. You left without saying goodbye.”
“Sorry. I was-“
“It’s ok. I understand. Sorry if I was harsh.”
“I made a mistake. It wasn’t harsh.”
Jorge noticed the look on Casey’s face as the Italian admitted having made a
mistake, having to cough slightly and cover his mouth to hide the smile. If it
comes down to it, I choose Casey. But the two of them are kind of funny.
“You did make a mistake. That’s all it was?”
“Yeah. I’ve changed. You’ll see!” The Italian smiled and nodded at the warmth
he got back from Dani. “Not for you, though. For me.”
“Good.” Dani turned back to Jorge and smiled. “I added your food. I asked for
it extra spicy, like an atom bomb on a plate. Ok?”
The Yamaha rider narrowed his eyes and cocked his head. “You’d better be
joking.”
“I am."
Valentino took a step back and said his temporary goodbyes as he and Uccio and
some other Ducati guys made their way to a different table, followed soon after
by Nicky, who sent a nod over the room at the 2/3 Spanish 1/3 Australian table.
“Hey. Make sure y’all get drinking, we’re gonna need to slow you down somehow!”
Casey smiled at him, wide and genuine and so different to the one shared with
Valentino, and shrugged. “If you’re buying…”
“Hell no!”
*
@ValeYellow46: DM @marcmarquez93 ciao. I think we need to talk?
@marcmarquez93: DM @ValeYellow46 ???????
@ValeYellow46: DM @marcmarquez93 no game, kid. Want to sort this out. I’m
sorry, for a start
@marcmarquez93: DM @ValeYellow46 Ok. Don’t you have my phone number? I’m free
now…
@ValeYellow46: DM @marcmarquez93 I can ask Dani or Jorge for it, if that’s ok.
They’re in the same restaurant
@marcmarquez93: DM @ValeYellow46 I know :) I’m not jealous anymore… “I won”
(not trying to be mean)
@ValeYellow46: DM @marcmarquez93 you did. You’re lucky. And so’s he. Ok, I’ll
call you in a bit.
@marcmarquez93: DM @ValeYellow46 Ok. I’m back on track in 45 minutes. And I’m
coming for you guys… ;)
@ValeYellow46 DM @marcmarquez93: YEAH, WE KNOW! :/ ;)
***** Truce *****
Vale: Don’t tell Dani, but I want Marc’s number?
Vale: Ok I mean I told him in a DM I would call and apologise, he accepted. But
I don’t have his number. You have…
Jorge: You know if you use this for evil not good, I’m going to cut your
brakes…
Vale: That’s harsh but I accept the meaning ;)
Jorge: Good. I like your jacket. And why not tell Dani? It’s 612 392 523.
Vale: Thanks. How was the food? And not tell him yet, because I don’t want it
to seem like a stunt.
Jorge: Makes some kind of sense… ;) and it was good! Have it! Don’t be ‘that
guy’…
Vale: That guy? You mean the white guy who orders the European food?
Jorge: Yeah! ;) ‘The Casey’
Vale: Careful, he might not let you back in the marital bed…
Jorge: Hey! I don’t ALWAYS agree with him…
Vale: I know…! Me neither ;)
Jorge: I know THAT. Jaja…ok go and call Marc. Good idea. I’m surprised… :P
Vale: If I’m not back in 10 minutes I was kidnapped.
Jorge: I doubt it. No one would pay…
Vale: I’m stopping this now. Go back to your husband…
Jorge: You texted me…
Vale: Blah blah..
The Italian got up from his table and looked over at Jorge with a grin before
making his way out the door again and standing outside on the pavement,
silhouette visible through the window as he looked down at his phone and took a
deep breath. I need to do this. And I mean it. Although I’m so, so jealous. He
listened to it ring for a couple of seconds before it connected. 3, 2, 1…
“Hola..?”
“Ciao.”
“I thought it would be you.” It wasn’t unfriendly, but it wasn’t eager to talk
to him either.
“It’s me. How are you?” Step 1: we’re talking.
Marc took a deep breath and tried to keep himself calm, remembering the person,
who he’d always thought of as someone he really wanted to know, behind the
recent history. “Better, thanks. Almost on the pace.”
“I, er…didn’t mean that.”
“Yeah, I know.” Another couple of tenths before he could figure out what to
add. “But either I tell you I’m great, which will hurt because you’ll know why,
or I tell you I’m not great, which would just give you the incentive to keep
fucking up my life.”
“That’s a bit unfair.”
“Yeah, it probably is. Sorry. But you understand.” Or at least, you should.
“I do. That’s why I’m calling. To say…I’m sorry.”
“Ok.” Somehow I almost believe you. “I know. But what are you sorry for?”
“The situation.”
“Well the situation, for me, is almost fine now. I’m the one who caused this
fuck up. You just…tried. And failed.”
“Well…I‘m sorry I tried.”
That I don’t believe. “Why?”
“Because it’s not a nice thing to do…”
“I think we both know nice doesn’t always come into it.”
Vale smiled to himself and nodded. “Well…that I do agree with.”
“You want me to be honest?”
“Yes.”
“Right. Well…first I want you to know why I’m saying it. I’m saying it because
I don’t trust you, but I trust Dani. I’ve learnt that the hard way. He wants
me, and I want him. That’s finally got into my head, now. So I can say: I don’t
blame you for trying. So don’t apologise for that.”
“What?!”
“It’s Dani. I’d fucking try! Hard.”
Valentino took a deep breath and shrugged to himself. “Oh.”
“What? You’re surprised?”
“Maybe I’m not surprised it’s true, but I’m surprised you’re telling me.”
“I’m not threatened by you anymore.” He grimaced slightly at how harsh that had
sounded. “I mean…I respect you on the track. And I always wanted to know you.
But Dani and me aren’t…I don’t know. I’m not paranoid about you anymore.”
“I’m glad. Because I don’t want that. You’re a great kid, and you make him
happy.”
“Go on…” The first hint of normal Marc, more assured and slowly daring to show
it. “I’m listening.”
“Don’t push it…” Valentino felt himself smile again, feeling the mood changing
and improving. Gradually, but surely.
“I’m definitely not the one pushing it! But..how are you? Ok?”
“Not too bad. Can’t say I’m shocked that I lost, so I was already prepared.”
“Is that the Ducati effect?”
Vale let out a little whoosh of air and laughed despite himself. “That’s very
cheeky.”
“I’m just being myself. No mask here.”
“You’ve been talking to the Australian.”
“Maybe!” Marc laughed and the crunch crunch crunch of some sort of food echoed
down the line. “Don’t worry, I’m a Pedrosista.”
“Aren’t we all?”
“I guess we are. But…you’re ok? Or…will be ok?”
“Why do you care?”
“Because I’ve felt what ‘losing Dani’ is like and it’s horrible.”
“Yeah, it’s not great. I’ll live. I’ll try. Keep riding, keep repairing.
Truce?”
“Truce. I don’t trust you. Maybe you can change that, I don’t know. But I trust
him. And I like you. Even though you let him smoke cigars.”
Vale looked up at the sun dipping below the building opposite and smiled. ‘He’s
not 17…’ No, he’s not. He’s amazing. “I was only the supplier.”
“They’re the ones they put in jail…”
“Have to catch me first.”
“Well, you know I’ll give it my best shot.”
“I look forward to it. Next year?”
“I’ll do my best. When you’re back on a Yamaha, right?”
“Ha! What?”
“Don’t even try. There’s no point to prove fighting for ninth. I’ll see you on
the podium when you’re back in blue.”
“Oh, really? And what colour will you be wearing?”
“Dunno. Wait and see!”
“I will. How are you going to deal with being teammates?”
“Same way we deal with everything. Together.”
*
“Can I talk to you?”
Dani turned round and smiled with a shrug. “You can. In private? Or..?”
“No, here’s fine.” Vale smiled and shared the same look of ‘oooh brave’ with
the HRC rider as he sat down next to Dani’s teammate and glanced at Jorge, who
was equally enjoying the temporary invasion. “I just want to tell-“
“If you’re gonna sit here…” Casey looked sideways at him and smiled, shrugging
at the expression. “Can you at least speak English, please?”
“Ok. Sorry. I forget. I say I call Marc to apologise.”
Dani stared at him and then smiled. “Really? You? Apologised?”
Jorge watched them and looked at Casey, seeing the same comment on his face and
unable to resist. “You took your helmet off though?”
Vale’s eyes slowly tracked from Dani to the other Spaniard, glaring but somehow
smiling, as though laughing, disgusted and impressed at the same time. “I made
the effort...”
Dani coughed and locked his eyes on Vale’s as they went back to him, smile
reaching them but unwilling to deal with another Stoner-Rossi discussion. “You
called him and apologized?”
“Yeah. I did. I think is ok. I think we understand each other ok.”
“He accepted?”
“Well…he say I don’t need to apologise, because he would do the same for you.
But he also say is not a big problem because was his fault, these big problem,
and he trust you. So what he think about me doesn’t matter. But he say he likes
me, but doesn’t trust me. That’s ok for now, I think?”
Dani followed the English as carefully as he could, recognizing the same as
what Marc had told him, more or less, and smiled. “I think that’s great for
now. Thank you.” He instinctively reached over the table and squeezed the
Italian’s hands, both of them feeling the little zing and Dani recoiling a
split second later, Jorge and Casey watching it and then sharing a look.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean-“
“Is ok.”
“No. Sorry.”
“Is ok.” Valentino smiled and reached back to squeeze his hand in return,
switching back into Italian and nodding, genuine and wanting it to stay between
them. And Jorge. “There’s nothing we can do about the history. So don’t treat
me differently. Let’s just keep going, right? And figure out how it works. Like
I said before, I don’t want to lose you from my life.”
“Ok.” Dani nodded at him and smiled. “Figure out how it works. Well, thanks for
doing that.”
“I didn’t do it for you. I did it for him.” He got to his feet and grinned
down, the same tunnel vision back between them that would probably always be
there, and nodded. “I’m almost…almost…jealous of you.”
Dani smiled and wiggled his eyebrows slightly. “That I do understand.”
*
Casey went the fastest, with a lap that Jorge and the Yamaha couldn’t match.
But Jorge did 22 of them in a row, so the feeling was still there. The feeling
that this year maybe it would be a fairer fight. A winnable fight. Dani, never
interested in proving anything until it counted, was third. Ben wasn’t far
behind, still wary of the dynamic, still thinking it was somehow wrong for Dani
and Marc to be a public item, which Jorge had tried several times to broach,
hitting the same wall.
“I’m not being homophobic. They can do what they want, I don’t care. I just
don’t think all this public stuff is good.”
“But that’s the whole point. Equality is equality. If it isn’t too much for me
or you to have a girlfriend or talk about one, then it shouldn’t be any
different.”
“But it is. That’s just the way it is.”
No, it’s just the same.
*
Jorge: I think we need a wall at Yamaha again… ;)
Vale: I can arrange it
Jorge: Jaja I don’t doubt that.
*
“I’m home.”
“Did you get delayed?”
“I did. How did you know?”
“Because I was checking your flight! So you’re back in Geneva?”
“Yeah, finally. I’m going to sleep. Sorry. I love you, but I need my bed.”
“I just wanted to check you were back. Love you too. Sleep well. I’ll see you
on Thursday.”
Dani started to reply with the ‘no, you won’t’ before remembering that part was
a surprise and nodding to himself, eyes already starting to droop. “Yeah. Love
you babyyy.”
“Wow you are tired.”
“Shhhhhh. Byeeeeee. Looove babyy.. byee..”
Marc laughed to himself and clenched his fists at how adorable it was. “Love
you too, baby. Goodnight.”
*
It was Sunday afternoon before Dani actually woke up, to 3 missed calls from
Alberto, and 3 voicemails, all checking he was still going on Monday and still
wanted to use his house, which he replied to with a text just saying ‘yes and
yes’ before going back to sleep for a bit and eventually dragging himself out
of bed and waking up enough to book his flight, which he’d realised in a panic
he hadn’t done. He then packed and called Emilio to check it was still ok and
when Marc would be finished testing, sorted a car with Honda, and then spent
most of the night sat in his living room watching films, staring at the
Svarovski box he’d put on the coffee table, sometimes picking it up and looking
at it, mostly just leaving it where it was and thinking about it.
The unwritten rules say ‘don’t propose in this situation’ but the common sense
says time should never be wasted. And the fact that I’m genuinely just wanting
him back in my life as soon as possible, nothing else matters.
He watched a couple more movies, unfortunately wide awake far too late to
really make sleep more than the faint possibility of a nap, and then picked the
box up and put it in his bag.
I am at least going to take it. And I’m very probably going to use it. Because
when you know, you know.
He got into bed, more as a formality, and watched the sun rise through the
window.
And I know.
***** You're Really Here *****
If excitement was fuel, the plane would have arrived before it took off. As it
was, Dani found himself taking a deep breath as he left the business class seat
behind, not enjoying the possibility of walking out into El Prat with no one
waiting for him and no protection from the first contact he’d had with his
homeland since it all happened, or since even more of it had happened. From the
few snippets he’d heard from various people, the mill was still rolling on
wondering what their situation was, wondering if it was over, wondering if it
had ever been real. He walked past a Relay once into the airport and caught
some of the gossip magazines’ front pages.
Pedrosa tests in Sepang, alone. Márquez trains in Montmeló.
He sighed as he read almost the same thing a few times, readying himself for
what he knew would be, as it was before, a blissful prison. Catalunya, but
Marc. Interest, but because it will be interesting. He ignored a few ‘Dani
Pedrosa blah blah blah Márquez’ whispers as he made it to the door and ordered
a taxi to take him to where Honda should have a car for him. Easier to avoid
questions than if someone had met him there.
The box was burning in his pocket, where he’d put it after putting it in his
bag and finding he was too paranoid he’d lose it without being able to feel it,
and he’d decided in between the day before and the landing that he was going to
do it. Not straight away. But soon.
He eventually made it to the car, found to his relief that there was a Sat Nav
included, which would be important to re-find Alberto’s house, and set off on
the drive around the city, part of the route shared with the one he’d taken
from his hotel to Marc’s house on the first night, memory making his skin hum
even louder with the excitement of seeing him again.
He was due on track at 10, and Dani had landed at 750. So he should make it
before he went out. Turning up late would mean he had to wait, since he was
pretty sure that, if the situation was reversed, he would see Marc was there
and immediately fall off. But Emilio knew the score, and Emilio had said he’d
stall him a few minutes if necessary. Because they both seemed to know that
Dani arriving wouldn’t be detrimental to the program at all, and seemed to
expect Marc to find those last 3 tenths fairly quickly.
We’ll see. It’s true of me. But we’ll see.
*
“So…feeling good for today?”
“Better.” Marc looked over from the passenger seat and grinned at his mentor.
“I think maybe by Wednesday afternoon we may top a session. Finally.”
“We’ll see.” Emilio smiled to himself and ticked off another Ibis sign since
leaving the motorway. “Don’t push, we’re testing the bike, not you.”
“I’m not. I’m testing both.”
“Maybe. But still. Today should be a good indicator, anyway. Of the situation…”
Marc frowned at how he’s said it, smiling to himself at the cartoon villain
tone. “Ok..?”
“Better than ok. Yell at the barrier man for me.” He pressed the button to
lower Marc’s window and motioned outside. “He still doesn’t recognise my new
car.”
Marc grinned and squinted out into the sunshine, hand shielding his eyes
slightly. “Morning. Testing. Marc Marquez?”
The guy nodded and smiled apologetically, barrier raising quickly. “Go ahead.”
“Thanks.” The Moto2 rider turned back and studied Emilio’s face as he started
to grin, looking at something. “What? What are you looking at?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie.”
“You’ll see.” Another smug smile. “Promise.”
Marc stared around the car park and frowned, no idea what had interested him. A
Toyota, a few Fiats, a BMW, two Mercedes, a SEAT and a hired Honda.
Nothing special?
*
“Marquez is coming, right?” Scott frowned down the pitlane and nodded at Pol as
the Spaniard walked past him. “’Cause the Monlau pits are still shut.”
“Marquez is coming. Still 20 minutes to go yet, maybe they’re hiding something
they’re still working on.”
“Hmm.” The Brit shrugged to himself and walked back into his garage, accepting
a coffee and blowing over the top of it. “Why aren’t we hiding something we’re
still working on?”
“Because we’re not expected to do as well as we will.”
Nice. The Marc VDS rider smiled and shrugged. “Fair enough.”
*
“They’re here.” Santi closed the door behind himself and grinned. “You ready?”
Dani nodded and grinned at him. “YES.”
“Ok. I’ll leave you alone then. Back in 10 minutes. Ok?”
“Perfect.”
Santi smiled and let himself back out, closing the door again and smiling at
Emilio and Marc as they got closer. “Morning. All ready?”
“Ready.” Marc grinned and nodded at him. “You ready?”
“I’m always ready! Right…Emilio, can I talk to you?”
“Yes, over here, in private?” Smooth.
“Yes. Great. Ok. Marc…why don’t you go in the garage and check the bike looks
ok?”
The Moto2 rider frowned at them both and raised an eyebrow. “You’re being
weird. But ok. Fine. See you in a bit.”
They smiled, too wide, and walked away, escaping far enough by the time Marc
got to the garage and went in. There were a few seconds of silence before a
short and excited ARGGGHHH!! shot back out to their ears.
“He made it, then?”
Santi nodded and grinned. “He did.”
*
“What the fuck was that?” Scott walked to the front of the garage and peered
out again. “Did someone scream?”
“No idea.”
“Someone screamed. I think it was Marc. Should we check he’s ok?”
“No idea.”
“Helpful.”
“Mayb-“
They turned as there was a knock on the door and Santi peered in.
“Morning. Dani’s here. It was a surprise. No emergency.”
“Ah.” Scott nodded at him and smiled. “Ok. So…that’s a thing still?”
“Yes. Is a ‘thing’. Ok?”
The Brit shrugged and smiled. “Nothing to do with me. Good for them.”
Santi nodded and smiled at him. “Good. Have a good session.”
“Thanks. I hope you have a disaster.”
*
“Hi.”
Dani looked at him and felt his chest start to explode, Marc staring and
grinning and just generally finding it unbelievable, before something snapped
and he screamed and jumped on him.
“DANI!”
The HRC rider just about kept his footing as Marc barrelled into him, suddenly
covered in kisses and hands and breath before the Moto2 rider eventually
stopped attacking and relaxed against him, Dani knowing he was basically
holding him up, head buried in his neck and breathing fast and hot. “Dani.”
“I’m here.”
“You’re here.”
The older rider ran his fingers through Marc’s hair and closed his eyes as the
moment seemed to sink in for both of them, each taking a deep breath and
breathing each other in, welded together before Marc pulled away slightly and
put his forehead against his, eyes closed, trying to hold it all together.
“I missed you. And I’m sorry.”
Dani felt the words hum over his face, Marc’s lips so close that the air wasn’t
really needed to carry the sound, and nodded against him. “Me too.”
The kiss was tentative at first, as though it was the first, Marc’s hands
moving from around the HRC rider to gently cup each side of his face, Dani
pulling them closer together and hanging on for dear life as it went from soft
to something deeper and more meaningful, tongues gently exploring the other,
getting used to the feeling again. It hasn’t been that long. Dani felt his lip
get nipped and felt the reaction fizz through him, remembering too much to be
standing in a pit box at Montmeló. But it felt like forever.
Marc eventually pulled away and rested his forehead against Dani’s again,
breath panting against his cheek as the relief seemed to pour out.
“God I’ve missed you.”
“I’m here.” He leant in for another quick kiss before pulling him closer to him
and wrapping his arms around him tighter. “I’m here now, and we’re ok. Ok?”
Marc nodded and relaxed into it again, head buried in Dani’s neck, murmuring
against the skin. “You’re really here.”
“I’m really here.”
“I know.”
*
@MotoGP: Dani Pedrosa is making a surprise visit to the Moto2 test at Montmeló
today! pic.twitter.com/d9M6p2m3
*
“I knew this could only be bad.” Scott grinned and sighed as he stared up at
the timing screen again. “Does nothing slow him down? Major surgery?
Homophobia? Whatever happened in between New Year and now?”
“Obviously not.”
“I think I’m going to remove a couple of limbs. Save weight.”
*
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa you want my house?
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 thanks for the offer but we have Alberto’s :)
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa ok, no worries. It’s there if you need it. (and
empty!)
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 you’re not there?
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa no, we’re in Montpellier, undercover
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 we?? ;) jajaja
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa there are two beds…
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 doubles?
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa yeah..?
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 cool. Couldn’t imagine you both in a twin… ;)
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa oh how funny
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa but true… :O
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 so it’s happening?! :O
@lorenzo99: DM @26_DaniPedrosa no. but it’s not ‘not happening’ either. Idk.
@26_DaniPedrosa: DM @lorenzo99 hi this is Marc…JUST BANG HIM. Byeeeee ;)
@lorenzo99: DM @marcmarquez93 I still owe you revenge from the twitter hijack.
Watch your back.
*
@marcmarquez93: @lorenzo99 I’m quaking in my Alpinestars :P #bestservedcold
*
@marcmarquez93: Hi everyone, that was meant to be a DM oops! HAVE A GOOD DAY! :
D // Fue un mensaje directo… ¡ups!
*
@lorenzo99: Anyone can make mistakes, but only a fool persists in his error.
*
Dani Pedrosa retweeted one of your tweets!
***** Like the Empires of the World Unite *****
Chapter Notes
     Title: Shakira - Empire.
     Some of the speech, as modified from before in What Happened, Part 1:
     Shakira - 23. ;)
     Fluff alert!
Dani hovered on the doorstep as Marc started to open the door and go inside,
not consciously deciding to but feeling the ‘argh the family is in there’
moment more than he’d expected.
“Ok?” The Moto2 rider frowned and turned back, hand still attached to Dani’s
now making a bridge between them. “Nerves?”
“Hmm…yeah.” Dani nodded and shrugged slightly at him. “It’s been a long time
since I was here. It feels weird, like we’re going into battle again.”
“I know what you mean.” Marc used his superior height, aided by the fact he was
slightly higher anyway, stood in the house, to wrap his arms around the smaller
rider and kiss the top of his head. “But it’s ok. Really. It’s not perfect, but
we’re getting there. Everyone in the house trusted you. Even her.”
“momdoasubd.”
“What?!”
“Gh nudbddaa.”
Marc laughed and gently pulled the HRC rider’s face away from his chest and
looked down at his face, hoping the muffling would be solved. “Eh?”
“Your mum believed me?”
“Yeah.”
“God. Never would have believed that.”
“I know. So…don’t be a dick. Let’s go.”
Fine. Dani smiled and pouted up at him, earning a ruffle of his hair and then
even more pouting. “Let’s go, then.” Deep breath. They rounded the doorway into
the kitchen and stopped as Roser and Julià looked up to check who it was.
“Hi.”
Marc looked between them, like a mini Wimbledon, before his parents both
cracked into a huge grin.
“Hello. It’s nice to see you.”
It seems like you even mean it.
*
After fetching stuff from Cervera, by the time they arrived Alberto’s house was
dark as it had been the first time they’d arrived there, lying empty the week
before as the season started to start again, waiting for someone to want to use
it or someone to need to use it.
“This feels…right. You know?”
How do you know what I’m planning? And why this is a good place for it to
start? Dani held the door and clenched slightly as Marc pinched him on the way
past. “Right?”
“Well…this was where I told you I loved you, and where you replied. Feels like
a good place to come back to, right now.” He looked back and dumped his bag on
the sofa. “You remember?!”
“Yeah, I remember! And it’s perfect. For this.”
“This?”
He cringed slightly under the gaze and nodded. Don’t give it away. “Yeah, this.
The reunion.” Not proposal. Although for that, something more special.
“It is. So…food? You want to cook or shall we get something sent over?”
“Cook?”
“Me too.” Dani shadowing him, Marc grinned and rummaged around in the
supermarket bag he’d taken to the kitchen, which had been funny to acquire
after they’d just stopped somewhere random and left jaws dropped left, right
and center as they’d walked around hand in hand and bought groceries. Like
normal people. “Pasta, again?”
“Pasta. Arrabiata?”
“With parmesan.”
“With parmesan. I’ll do it. You want to shower?”
“I do.” You want to join?
“Ok. I’ll cook. Then we’ll eat.”
Obviously not, then. “Ok...”
The disappointment must have been slightly evident, as Dani looked back at him
and smiled, rueful but content. “I would join you. But we need food. And…I
don’t…I don’t know. It has to be a bit more special, you know?”
Ah. “I do.”
Say that again… Dani smiled at the words, much much wider than he would have
done normally at that phrase, the Moto2 rider replying in kind but much more
puzzled. Good.
*
Marc reappeared with a towel slung round his neck, no shirt and jeans not
really fully buttoned up, casual and relaxed and at home and more than enough
to make Dani’s breath catch in his throat, little droplets of water still
teasing him as they trickled over the angles of his body. “It’s ready. You want
to eat here? Or at the table?”
“Here.” Marc took the plate and put it opposite the chair he’d left his towel
over before grabbing the second one and walking back around to his seat,
sitting down and lifting his fork before stopping and staring across at Dani,
who was equally frozen, being stared at.
“What?”
“Wait.” The younger rider put the fork down and pushed his chair out, walking
round the table back to Dani and wrapping his arms around him from behind, lips
pressed against his ear. “I love you, thank you for cooking.”
“That’s ok. And I love you too.” The HRC rider kissed the bit of arm nearest
his mouth and smiled at their reflection in the glass doors, drinking in the
smell of the shower gel. “You don’t have to be like this.”
“I do. It has to become a habit. Telling you every opportunity that I get.
Because it’s worth the effort.”
“You’re worth the effort too.”
“Why thank you.” Marc grinned and caught Dani’s eye in the glass. “I think you
just might be….too.”
“Oh, thanks. Can we eat now?” The MotoGP rider narrowed his eyes in a pantomime
glare and smiled. “I’m genuinely hungry.”
“Good. Me too!” Marc left a last kiss on his head before he scooted back round
the table as quickly as he could and bumped back onto the chair.
“Ok… 3, 2, 1…GO!”
*
His arms had started around his waist, and then tangled in his hair, breath
warm despite the outdoors temperature, pool warm this time after a little more
patience had been discovered.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you.”
“Good.”
Another few seconds of silence punctuated by breath and kisses, before the
conversation continued in the gaps.
“You know…on Wednesday night…before your birthday…you want to…go to a hotel…in
the city…?”
“Sounds…nice…and…different….you want to…fly back…on Thursday…then?”
“Yeah…”
“I can’t…wait…to go….home….”
Dani smiled into the kiss and nodded against him. “I know…”
“I can’t…wait…for…every…single…day. There’s …so much…”
I know. Dani steadied himself against the side of the pool as the younger
rider’s legs wrapped around him, almost the same as the first rehearsal of the
scene months ago, when no one had really known anything more than ‘I love you.’
And now I know everything.
*
@marcmarquez93: @26_DaniPedrosa wake up!!! ;)
@26_DaniPedrosa: @marcmarquez93 good morning…
@marcmarquez93: @26_DaniPedrosa FINALLY! Jajaja…
*
“So…you’re serious. About him?”
Dani frowned and looked up from his coffee in the lunch break, wondering why
the voice sounded familiar but not-so-familiar, before he realised who it was.
“You! I thought you were in France?”
“We were.” Ricky grinned and sat down opposite him. “But we came back. I only
had to ride today, maybe should have gone after the test…”
“Would have made sense.”
“Sense can ruin things.”
“Maybe it can.” Like proposing, right now. Doesn’t make sense. To hell with
sense. “ So…what’s the situation?”
“The situation?”
“You and your gay life partner?” Dani grinned and shrugged at the glare he got
in return. “Come on…”
“Ok.” Sigh. “Maybe that’s how it looks. But…I don’t know. It’s up and down a
bit. He went home with a girl while we were there, too…but then, so did I.”
The HRC rider’s mouth dropped open slightly at the lack of reaction to that.
“What?”
“Yeah…that’s ok. I…why am I telling you this?! Anyway….I care about him, a lot.
I think, and I’d hope, how he feels about me. I mean…I love him. But…right
now…if he just says that he cares, I don’t care about a couple of hours fun
with a random woman. If I just know that he cares more about me.”
“He does.”
“You think?”
“Oh, yeah. He does.”
You’re sure. “I guess that’s why I’m not upset. Because I know.”
“So…that’s how it is?”
“I guess s-“ He stopped as his phone started to ring and held it up to Dani so
he could see who it was, eye rolling affectionately as Jorge flashed on the
screen. “Helloo…”
“Hi. I’m bored. Can I come to the test?”
“Aren’t you training?”
“Yeah, did that. Swimming as well. And had lunch, sorted out some
merchandising, signed 51 models and 392 photos…and I’m bored…and already
outside the gates…and bored…”
“I guess that’s a yes then. I’m sure they’d let you in, you didn’t have to
call.”
“I just wanted to ask you if it was ok.”
Adorable. “Come in. You can sit in the wives and girlfriends area with Dani.”
“Pffffffff. But yeah. I will. Thanks.”
Ricky cancelled the call and shrugged at the HRC rider’s smug, knowing smile
that had quickly replaced the ‘wives and girlfriends’ glare. “Room for another
champion at your table?”
“Yeah. And…I’ve known him a long time, you know? Even if we hated each other.
And if he just called you for permission…”
“I know.” Ricky grinned at him and nodded. “That’s why it’s good. It’s ok. We
sleep in the same bed, we live in the same house. We kiss. So far. I’m ok with
that. I’ve relaxed.”
“Patient?”
“No, just genuinely accepting. This is a lot, compared to what I ever expected.
So we’ll see. As much as I want to, I can’t really imagine actually sleeping
with him. Or him doing that-“
“I can.” The Honda rider nodded at his surprised face. “I really can.”
Ricky looked happily surprised and shrugged. “Interesting. I’m not sure on that
one…we’ll see I guess.”
“Maybe. But that’s good. I’m happy for you. Is he…really freaked out? Or just
sometimes?”
“Just sometimes. In France, not at all. Here, sometimes. I think it’s when he’s
reminded who he’s meant to be, you know?”
“I know exactly what you mean. Like when you spend a few days with an Italian
in your house before Marc comes home and reminds you …of everything that’s
real…”
Ricky grinned and nodded. “Exactly. That’s all ok now?”
“That’s all ok now. And…did you say ‘live in the same house’ a minute ago?!”
“Yeah. I moved in. After Sepang…I mean I basically lived there before…but now I
officially live there.”
“Bedrooms…?” Dani grinned and almost physically licked his lips to go with the
metaphorical version of the same thing. “Separate or…?”
“Hmm…I have a room…that I haven’t used...”
“Ok. I like it. Different…but then falling in love with a 17 year old Moto2
rider could be considered different, too.”
“It could.” Ricky smiled and downed the rest of his bottle of water,
comfortable silence reigning for a few seconds as they both looked over at
Jorge first appear in the distance, little wave preceding his arrival. “So
you’re going to use that ring?”
Dani froze and stared at him. “What?!”
“Yeah..I’m pretty sure I didn’t make that up?!”
“You didn’t, but how the hell do you know?!”
“Oh. Sorry! You told Alex, when you were drunk. He told Jorge, and obviously,
he told me.”
“Right.” Alex. “Oh. I hope I…I don’t know. Was Alex ok?”
“Er…yeah?”
That’s definitely not something I should share. “Nevermind. I think I remember
that... But yeah, I am. I brought it with me, and tonight we’re staying in the
W. And I’m going to ask. Because it’s his birthday tomorrow…” Dani trailed off
and realised what that meant. “Fuck!”
“What?!”
“It’s Valentino’s birthday!”
“Right…?”
“If Jorge wasn’t interested in you and then forgot your birthday, that would
hurt.”
“Ok, fair enough. It would.”
“I’m going to call him. Lucky for you, your date’s here.” Dani got to his feet
and winked, greeting the Yamaha rider as he walked past him, pausing long
enough to enjoy the expression the next words elicited. “Be nice to him. He
cares about you.”
*
Dani had called him, and it had been exactly as he’d expected. Very
appreciated, tinged with a little sadness, but ultimately incredibly happy to
hear from him. And he’d told Marc, and it had been fine. Not secretly not fine,
but genuinely ok, and now they were stood on a balcony in an unseasonably warm
Barcelona, staring at the Mediterranean.
“2 hours until you’re 18. Which sounds insane, to me.”
“I know.” Marc grinned at him and nodded before peering over the edge like a
kid and making Dani’s heart flip at the beautiful irony. “But it’s ok, I’ll
never grow up.”
“I’m glad. I didn’t. Why would you? Grow, yeah. Grow up…I think it’s more ‘stop
enjoying yourself’ really.”
“Exactly. So, if in 10 years or so I start growing up…make me stop.”
“I’ll tie you down.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. 10 years…” Dani let out a whoosh of air as he thought about that.
“I’ll probably be retired then.”
“Don’t.”
“What?”
“Don’t talk about the future. Well…no. Talk about the good things. The sooner
things and the happy things.”
“Is me retiring not good?”
“I want you to be safe, so yeah in a way. But as a fan, I don’t want to see you
stop. And as the person who loves you most in the world, I want to see you do
what you love for as long as you can.”
Exactly. “I know. I will. But it’ll stop one day. And then I’ll be your fan,
and I’ll get all your merchandise and sit in the garage smiling at the camera,
holding the children. Like a short Adriana.”
Marc turned to look at him and grinned, enjoying the image but something else
behind the expression. “I never thought about that before.”
“Me being your fan or the other mostly joking part?”
“The, er… mostly joking. But you’d look good in 93s.”
“Be careful, otherwise I’ll become a Pol Espargaró superfan...”
“I would not let you in the garage!” The Moto2 rider took a deep breath and
looked out over the sea again. “But…kids. That’s insane. I never thought about
that.”
“Did that scare you?”
“No. I’d just never thought about it. 10 years is a bit…quick, though.”
“Yeah…I know. I more thought that’s the progression, rather than SHIT! 10 years
ago we had this conversation so… Quick! Adopt a child!”
Marc laughed and nodded at him. “Ok. That’s better. Maybe 15. Maybe.”
“Maybe you want them or maybe in 15 years? Or maybe FIFTEEN CHILDREN?!”
“NO! But I want them. If you do. I mean…I want you. So…I can live without them
if you hate all children, which you don’t. But…maybe in 15 years. And I know we
have the age gap and I don’t wa-“ He stopped as Dani pulled him in to a kiss to
shut him up, smiling and trying to play offended. “What? Not interested in what
I’m saying anymore?” Cheeky smile. The cheeky smile.
“Not really. It’s not 15 years in the future, it’s now. And you’re about to
turn 18. I forgot, again. Let’s leave this for another time. Not in a rush, are
we?”
“I’m not.”
“Neither am I. I’m not going anywhere. Well, I’m going a lot of places. But
with you.”
“Aww.”
They stared at the sea for a few more seconds before turning to stare at each
other.
“I’m glad we came here.”
“Me too. Although you don’t have to make a big thing of my birthday…there’ll be
a lot more.”
“You only turn 18 once, and you only get the chance to share that once.”
“True, but-“
“Ok.” Dani held up his finger to shush him, and then smiled at the indignant
‘again?!’ painted on Marc’s face. “Just, for once...be quiet. And for once,
don’t try and be ahead of the game. Wait here, and give me two minutes.”
“Ok..?” The twinkle of possibility started to creep in to his eyes. “Fine. Just
this once.”
Dani nodded and walked back inside, on autopilot back to his bag, completely
excited and stressed and nervous and wired all at the same time. He pulled the
box out of where he’d eventually hidden it, opening it to take a look one last
time, before hopefully he’d see it everyday on Marc’s hand.
He is going to say yes.
He walked back onto the balcony, box hidden in his pocket, and stood in front
of the nervously, excitedly inebriated-on-life Moto2 rider, both of them
smiling like idiots, Marc thinking it was an early birthday present, Dani
knowing it was going to be an incredible moment and much more.
“Close your eyes.”
“Pff.”Marc did, scrunching them shut before the romance of the moment overtook
the exaggerated irritation, face relaxing into the expression Dani had first
fallen in love with when it was on his shoulder and slightly tear-stained on a
sofa in Cervera. “You didn’t have to get me a present.”
“It’s not…‘a present’.” Dani got down on one knee as quietly as he could,
nervously focusing on whether Marc was cheating and secretly watching. He
didn’t react, so the HRC rider guessed not. He opened the box and took a deep
breath. “Ok, open your eyes.”
He opened them nervously, as though it might be a disaster or something to be
afraid of, before the image took root in his brain and he locked eyes with
Dani, then refocused on the ring, then back to Dani, eyes starting to well up.
Dani smiled and they shared a little moment of ‘yes, this is real’ before he
took a deep breath and readied himself to say what he’d wanted to say since
driving back with the ring.
“Marc Márquez i Alentà. I met you a long time ago. When you were still a kid,
really. And I knew from that moment there was something about you, and I don’t
mean your talent on a bike, I mean you. You bring out all the parts in me that
I don’t often dare to show, and you did from that first time I met you and you
came over to congratulate me when I won. The way you smiled at me and the words
you said weren’t really so different to other people, but the way you looked at
me was like a whole other conversation that only we understood. Maybe that
would be wrong to some people and they would find it strange, but look at Casey
and Adriana. Age can’t hide who you are, after a certain point, and it didn’t
with you. Back then I tried to not really think about the kid who had made me
feel like that, because I thought ‘if everyone thinks it’s strange then maybe
it is’. But then you just keep proving me right; you’re exactly who I thought.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I thought I was in love before. I
think I was. The type that people think is everything and spend 50 years
convincing themselves it is, content but not really happy. But now, I’ve
redefined everything. You’ve made me believe in all those things that people
tell you you’ll grow out of. I believe in everything again. I believe in
myself, and I believe in you. I’ve even prayed! And not because I was in a
corner and had no choice; because I thought maybe it could be real. There are
some things I can’t explain anymore. And I don’t know what I believe, but I
think I believe in destiny. As I still did then, when you were only fourteen,
before I lost a bit of faith. All this, everything that’s happened, it’s ok.
It’s made me realise how much I love you. I needed some space to sort it out,
but that’s what I did. It’s gone now. We made mistakes, but we don’t have to
pay for them forever if we don’t want to, and I don’t want either of us to. I
will love you until it’s the last act I commit on Earth. So I want to ask you
this, and I don’t mean next week, or even next year if we don’t want. Just,
whenever we’re ready…” He took a deep breath and a moment to enjoy the
expression on Marc’s face. “Would you do me the honour of marrying me?”
Marc stared for a few seconds, brain almost audibly ticking through each word
of what had been said, grinning and welling up, starting to nod, not really
able to make words.
“Are you nodding?”
He pulled in a big gulp of air and moved his head up and down, a real answer,
eventually accompanied by a ‘yes’.
I knew you’d say yes.
“Yes. Yes. Yes. YES!”
Dani got back to his feet and felt himself get wrapped up in another tangle of
limbs, feeling the same need to be as close as possible, slowly feeling the
word sink in.
Yes.
“Yes. Yes, yes yes yes yes yes yes yes….yes.”
Tongues, hands, tongues, hands, tongues, and then eventually, the bed.
Yes.
*
@26_DaniPedrosa: Me and @marcmarquez93 have something to announce… :
) #anillodecompromiso pic.twitter.com/J9v4R6L9
*
@marcmarquez93: @ValeYellow46 happy birthday :)
@marcmarquez93: DM @ValeYellow46 sorry, bad timing. But happy birthday.
@marcmarquez93: Thanks for your messages! // Gracias por las felicitaciones!
#feliz
@ValeYellow46: DM @marcmarquez93 it’s ok. Happy birthday to you for tomorrow.
Look after him.
@marcmarquez93: DM @ValeYellow46 Thank you. I will. Look after yourself.
@ValeYellow46: DM @marcmarquez93 I will :)
@ValeYellow46: Congratulations @26_DaniPedrosa @marcmarquez93!
@26_DaniPedrosa: @ValeYellow46 grazie!
@ValeYellow46: Thank you for the birthday messages!
@ValeYellow46: Now send some to congratulations my friends @26_DaniPedrosa
@marcmarquez93 ! :)
@lorenzo99: Congrats! RT @ValeYellow46: Now send some congratulations to my
friends @26_DaniPedrosa @marcmarquez93 ! ;)
@ValeYellow46: DM @lorenzo99 typical. So unoriginal... ;)
@lorenzo99: DM @ValeYellow sometimes you get it right...
@ValeYellow46: DM @lorenzo99 screenshot
*
@lorenzo99: Change your opinions, keep to your principles; change your leaves,
keep intact your roots.
*
Valentino Rossi retweeted one of your tweets!
***** Epilogue: Mi corazón se desató en el viento *****
Chapter Notes
     Note: I know it's early in the real life timelines for this last lil
     event. But I loved the idea. I love them.
     Anyway...here we are! No more hotness, which was planned but aborted
     due to extenuating circumstances. So we end as we began and
     floundered through, with dialogue. ;)
     Well..holy shit. A while ago I decided to distract myself with a
     classic 'Dani turns up and Marc gets better and they live and love
     happily ever after' story...
     Dominique Aegerter chapters later...here we are. At the end of a
     crazy, unintended 150,000+ words!
     Thank you so much for reading and commenting and everything. I hope
     you liked it. I loved writing it, mostly. Fittingly, I'm just about
     done with final year and exams, everything that sent me running into
     this (what became a massive) project in the first place in search of
     a little genuine something, and I hope it's been relatively
     consistent and the thought I tried to put in made it a story that
     worked. Because I'm a Spartan, so it had to be progress, right? ;)
     Anyway, "I'd like to thank the academy..." (you!) haha, and I'd
     mainly like to just say...this sport is absolutely incredible, and
     the characters are much better than I could ever write them. But it
     was such a pleasure to try.
     I'll leave that last word to the inimitable Valentino Rossi:
     "Fuuuuuuck! I try."
     Bye bye, Baby!
*
@MotoGP: @Official_CS27 just announced his retirement from MotoGP at the end of
2012! We'll miss you, Casey!
*
"Dani."
It still gave him a little shiver, still made him turn slightly quicker than if
the name was said by someone else. "Yeah?"
The Italian smiled and seemed to feel it too. "I need to talk to you. Well, no.
I want to tell you something. I want to tell you first."
Oh dear.. "Ok...? Bad? Or good?! You're not retiring, too, are you?!"
"No." Vale laughed and shook his head like he was crazy. "I'm not fucking
retiring! I'm doing my best to get back on a Yamaha, I'm not going home."
You should. "Good." So... "So...you want to tell me something?"
"I do. But first, I want you to tell me that I've changed."
The HRC rider nodded, slowly, genuinely considering it and smiling at him, at
the amount it mattered to him and the amount it was true. "I think you have."
Good. Because it has to have been worth it. And this one has to be right.
"Good."
*
Marc Marquez: Moto2 Championship leader signs 2 year deal with Honda to replace
Stoner; teammate fiance Pedrosa!
*
"So far this season you've won 2 races and come second once. Are you thinking
about the title?"
I'm always thinking about the title. "Not really. I try to take it race by
race, each weekend is another challenge to try and do the best you can."
"Teammates with Dani next year. How will that work, with your relationship?"
Marc sought out the person who'd asked the question and laughed to himself at
the blush he got as he made eye contact. Yes, I'm here now. You have to say it
to my face. "Yeah, teammates. We'll see, but track and private life are
separate to us. We'll be racing, like everyone else."
"Can you really keep them separate?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"Because we believe in the same things. We work the same way. We ride
differently, but we want to win. So maybe sometimes he will win, sometimes I
will win."
"He kissed you in Parc Ferme after you won in Qatar and Estoril. Will that be a
regular thing?"
The CatalunyaCaixa rider took a deep breath and leant forward to the
microphone, watching him squirm and enjoying it.
"I really hope so."
*
@lorenzo99: @Official_CS27 sad to see you go, mate.
@Official_CS27: @lorenzo99 one day you'll get it. You gonna give me the last
one?
@lorenzo99: @Official_CS27 I'll talk to you tomorrow. ;) and jaja...NO.
*
"And there's Jorge Lorenzo heading up the second row, just in front of him
Andrea Dovizioso on the Tech3 machine. Then Casey Stoner lining up second after
announcing his retirement at the end of the season in the press conference on
Thursday. And an incredible career he's had. And then we have our...." Gavin
trailed off as he saw it and started to grin, turning to Nick and motioning at
the screen, unable to keep commentating until it had sunk in.
Marc Marquez. Marc Marquez, after retiring from the Moto2 race, was holding the
umbrella for Dani Pedrosa. His first ever MotoGP umbrella girl.
"...our pole sitter Dani Pedrosa on the second Repsol Honda. With his first
ever umbrella girl...there you go, big grin from him. His fiance, Marc Marquez,
who's the title favourite for Moto2 this year, and will be his new Repsol Honda
teammate next year."
He turned the microphone off for a second and grinned at Nick again, strangely
choked up and proud at the gesture.
"That is how you do it."
His fellow commentator smiled at him, slightly puzzled shrug. "What?"
Say 'fuck you'. "Just...life, I guess." He turned the mic back on and tried to
keep the grin out of his voice. "So that will be an interesting battle to
watch. Anyway. Dylan, how's the weather looking down in pit lane?"
Just life. Like they should have.
*
"I met someone."
Dani relaxed as the words hit him, happier than anything that it was something
positive, and something that, more than simply making Vale happy, might expunge
that last little vestige of guilt at not having been able to make him happy
himself. "Oh."
"Oh?" The nerves on the Italian's face were rare, brow furrowed. "Aren't you
happy?"
The HRC rider looked up at him and smiled, starting to nod and watching the
smile light up his eyes. Those spectacular, deep, interesting, spark-fuelled
eyes. "I'm very happy for you. You...serious?"
"Serious. We didn't just meet. We...I don't know. But it's real. I might have
done it. Found it."
Dani felt the relief wash over him and found himself grabbing on to the Ducati
rider and squeezing, hard, enjoying the feeling with nothing in the way. Just a
hug. "That's brilliant. He? She? Italian? Where did you meet?"
"Italian, yes. It was a cliche, really. And then I realised that I'd changed. I
realised that I'd changed, and I realised I needed to. And I realised that I'm
not scared I'm going to hurt her, anymore. I'm just going to love her."
They stared at each other for a few seconds, hustle and bustle of Le Mans lost
for a minute as the conversation continued silently, memories were remembered
and appreciated, moments recorded and filed away, emotions finally sorted into
past and present. "You are. You're going to love her, and she's going to love
you. What's her name?"
He nodded and smiled, packaged up that last little bit of possibility he had
left, and seemed to lean forward and lay it at Dani's feet.
"Her name is Linda."
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