Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3742600.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Dean_Winchester, Jessica_Moore/Sam_Winchester
  Character:
      Dean_Winchester, Castiel, Sam_Winchester, John_Winchester, Original
      Characters, Bobby_Singer, Jessica_Moore
  Additional Tags:
      Alpha/Beta/Omega_Dynamics, Alpha_Castiel, Omega_Dean, Childhood
      Sweethearts, Slow_Build, Developing_Relationship, Alpha/Omega, First
      Love, Scent_Marking, True_Mates, Bonding, Mating_Cycles/In_Heat, Destiel
      -_Freeform, Dystopia, Activism, Mpreg, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Angst
      with_a_Happy_Ending
  Series:
      Part 1 of Dragonfly_Pond
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-04-16 Completed: 2016-07-15 Chapters: 80/80 Words: 224000
****** Dragonfly Pond ******
by destieljunkie
Summary
     Dean and Castiel are thrown together by fate one summer before either
     of them have presented the true nature of what they really are. They
     soon form an unlikely friendship and promise never to break the
     special bond they once believed would last a lifetime.
     The social divide between alphas and omegas is growing and everyone
     seems determined to keep them apart just when their friendship starts
     to develop into something more.
     One last summer together at dragonfly pond marks the end of their
     childhood and the freedom to make their own choices.
     Maybe one day they will meet again.
     This story is in two parts.
     Part One is set in the Summer of 1992 when Dean and Castiel meet for
     the first time before either of them have presented. It details their
     transition into adulthood and how their relationship develops over
     time.
     This is the background story for Part Two which is to come later.
     More than twenty years will have passed and society is a very
     different place when the boys are all grown up and dragonfly pond is
     just a distant memory.
***** Chance Meetings *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
                                         
[Title] [Dragonfly Pond Banner]
                                        
                                        
                                    PART ONE
 
The house on the corner of Eighth Street had been empty for years in the quiet
little town of Haven, Kansas where nothing ever changes. School is out until
fall and Dean sleeps most of the morning away until the persistent drone of
noise outside finally forces him out of bed so he can hurl some choice abuse
from the ground floor window. He stops short when curiosity gets the better of
him. A gawky looking kid is kicking at the sprawling lawn of freshly sown grass
seed. Great. There goes the neighbourhood.
                                  ………. «» ……….
 
1. Chance Meetings
Dean pulled the covers all the way over his head and let out a muffled groan
when he pushed his face into the pillow, desperate to drown out the noise that
practically rattled the glass out his window every time he managed to close his
eyes again. School had only been out for a couple of days and he intended to
make the most of the summer vacation by staying in bed for most of it, but
someone seemed determined to disturb him. The street was usually pretty quiet
and nothing interesting ever happened but even through a sleep-induced haze,
Dean was starting to get a little curious.
He gave it another ten minutes before he was too annoyed to ignore it any
longer and slowly opened one eye. The morning sun was bright enough to filter
into his bedroom, and he guessed it probably wasn’t as early as he thought. He
kicked off the sheets and propped himself on the edge of the bed, running one
hand through his hair with a wide yawn. He rearranged his shorts and wandered
over to the window, pulling back one of the drapes just enough to give him a
good view of whatever was happening at the end of the road.
There didn’t seem to be a whole lot of boxes being taken into the last house on
the corner. It had been empty as far back as Dean could remember. He ended up
standing at the window much longer than he meant to, watching a skinny kid in
the front yard kicking up the dusty lawn. Dean couldn’t really see him very
well. He was wearing a hoodie that was far too big for him and had both hands
stuck deep in his pockets. He looked a little dorky and Dean decided he might
make a point of ignoring him on principle because his unexpected arrival forced
him out of bed before noon. A man suddenly appeared from behind the side of the
house, and even from Dean’s shifty viewpoint, it looked like something heated
was said between them. The boy didn’t bother to look up when he shook his head
before pulling both hands out his pockets and wrapping his arms around his
body.
Dean lost interest after a few minutes and dropped back down onto the bed. He
couldn’t get back to sleep and he didn’t really know why. He stared up at the
ceiling for a while before he heard the removal truck eventually move away, and
the street was soon peaceful and quiet again. Sam was staying at a friend’s
house for the weekend, and his dad would have left for work at six, so Dean got
dressed and slouched downstairs. He tipped some cereal into a bowl before
realizing there wasn't any damn milk, and left it on the kitchen counter. He
was bored rigid by half-past ten so he decided to go outside and make the most
of the sunshine.
Dean grabbed his gear from the porch and made his way down behind the houses
and on to the dusty track leading down to a little pond he discovered a couple
of weeks before. It was actually more like a pool of stagnant rainwater but it
was a pond to Dean, and that was that. He even fashioned a little pole from a
stick and a bit of wire, slinging it over his shoulder while he wandered down
the slope. He could hear the familiar hum of swirling insects before he reached
the narrow break in the trees and squeezed his body through the gap with a
grunt of effort. Dean stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the shape of
someone sitting cross-legged by the edge of the water. He realized it was the
boy he’d seen earlier. He was wearing the same faded hoodie with the top pulled
up, even though it was really starting to heat up outside. It looked like he
was just staring out across the surface of the pond. Dean was more surprised
than anything someone else had found the place at all, but what came out was
more like an accusation.
“Hey, what you doing down here? This is my spot.”
“What?” The boy jerked his head up in alarm and spared a glance over his
shoulder to see who was behind him. He eventually turned completely and Dean
noticed the unusually bright blue eyes first when they peered up at him through
the cover of a hood that hid a messy heap of dark hair. The expression on his
face suggested Dean had stirred him from a daydream and he had faint lines down
both cheeks. Dean wondered if he’d been crying. “Nothing. I just wanted to be
on my own for a bit. I didn’t know I needed permission.”
“Well, this is where I come when I want to be alone.” Dean sniffed. He was the
one who found the little pond and seemed to think that gave him some kind of
monopoly over it. No one else ever went down there, and Dean wasn’t sure if he
was pleased he might actually have some company for a change, or pissed that
someone else had discovered his secret hideout. “I was gonna do a bit of
fishing.”
“Don’t let me stop you.”
Dean bit the inside of his cheek. The boy clearly had no intention of getting
up, so Dean dropped his backpack on the grass and stripped down to his t-shirt.
“Saw you moving in this morning.” Dean added casually. “You got a name?”
“Of course I have.”
“Yeah?” Dean waited for him to fill in the space but he didn’t seem
particularly talkative, so Dean gave him a subtle prompt. “What is it?”
“Castiel.”
“That’s a stupid name.”
“Sorry.” Castiel said defensively. There were a couple of seconds of awkward
silence before Castiel deliberately turned his back on Dean to throw another
pebble into the pond. “It’s not like it was a choice.” He really wanted to
spend a quiet afternoon wallowing in self-pity and had no desire to exchange
pleasantries with someone who had a complete lack of social skills.
Dean squinted at him, and it wasn’t from the glare of the sun reflecting off
the water. Maybe he should lay off and at least give him the chance to prove
Dean right before he made a conscious decision to dislike him. He was about to
hand out another brutal put-down, when he suddenly snapped his mouth shut. He
had been kinda rude and Castiel looked offended. Maybe even a bit sad. The
outskirts of Haven weren’t exactly a sprawling metropolis and the conversation
was a welcome distraction, however painful it was turning out to be. Most of
the kids at school thought there was something not quite right about him, and
never bothered to talk to him much at all and this Castiel was vaguely
interesting in a weird sort of way.
“I suppose you can sit here for a bit.” Dean conceded, with as much disinterest
as he could fake. “If you like.”
“Thanks.” Castiel said quietly. He didn’t look up. He was fiddling with the
blades of grass between his knees, and now Dean really felt bad for tormenting
him in the first place. He sighed and looked up to the sky like he was
searching for some kind of divine assistance before taking in a deep breath and
settling himself next to Castiel on the bank.
“I’m Dean, by the way.” He said, pulling up a stem of bluegrass and deftly
stripping the sheath with his teeth. He chewed on the end while he watched
Castiel out the corner of one eye. “So, how come you ended up here?”
“My dad made us move.”
“Why?”
“You sure ask a lot of questions for someone who wants to be on their own.”
“Sorry, just makin’ conversation.” Dean shrugged, redirecting his attention to
the collection of fishing gear while Castiel gave him a sideways glance. Dean’s
face was set with tight lines of determination when he reached for a wriggling
grub and skewered it on the silver hook pinned between his fingers. Castiel
figured he may as well try to get on with him if they were going to be made to
live on the same street, so he forced himself to open up a bit.
“Some stuff happened back home in Peoria. My dad wanted me to see someone, but
I didn’t want to.”
“Someone like who?”
“Someone who could help me figure myself out, I guess. I got into some trouble
and basically it was therapy or move here. He said I was different from the
other boys.”
Dean laughed under his breath. Castiel just got a bit more interesting.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. My kid brother says the same about me.”
“He never really explained why.” Castiel sighed. “It doesn’t seem to matter
what I do, he’s always disappointed in me.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.” Dean encouraged, without thinking too hard before
his mouth fell open. He quickly covered it up by talking about himself.
“My dad hasn’t really been around much since my mom left. I got into a couple
of scrapes last year with some asshole that used to pick on me in school. You
just gotta stand up for yourself, right?”
“It wasn’t that kind of trouble.” Castiel replied bluntly. Dean didn’t ask. He
eventually secured the line with a little cry of victory. Castiel had been
studying him intently and finally dropped his hood back to get a better look.
The sun was bathing Dean’s face with light and Castiel couldn’t stop himself
from staring at the sprinkling of freckles that dotted his nose like he wanted
to count them. It was still scrunched up in delight with the success of
managing to subdue the bait into submission. “You seem to be a natural at
that.” Castiel smiled. It was the first time Dean had seen any kind of emotion
on his face at all and he felt strangely okay with the other boy’s company. He
was quiet, and surprisingly uptight for someone so young but there was
something about him that made Dean want him to stay just a little while longer.
“Just practice. There’s not much else to do round here, Cas. Wanna try it?”
Both of Dean's eyes widened so much with unspoken invitation that Castiel could
see how green they were when he blinked at him. He hadn’t missed what Dean
called him, but he was too polite to correct him.
“Thanks, but I don’t think I'd be any good.” Castiel replied, his uncertainty
hovering hesitantly between them. Dean just tutted when he thrust the pole into
the other boy's hands, and Castiel stared dumbly at it for almost an entire
minute before Dean sighed and shifted behind him to help wrap his fingers
around it. He tried to show Castiel how to cast out a few times, but the angle
was all wrong so Dean shuffled his butt down the bank a bit and slipped his
legs around Castiel’s thighs to hold him steady. Castiel smelled really nice
and Dean found himself leaning into the other boy’s back as they dipped the
stick in and out of the water with plenty of enthusiasm, but no success.
Castiel gave up after a while and checked his watch. “See - told you I’d be
useless.” He muttered. Castiel reluctantly got up to brush some grass pollen
from his clothes, hoping it wouldn’t make his eyes water for the rest of the
day. “I really should be getting back, anyway. My dad’ll be home soon and I
promised to empty out some boxes before he got back.”
“Okay.” Dean said quietly, ignoring the unexpected flutter of disappointment at
the thought of Castiel leaving. He had no idea where it came from and pushed it
down in denial. Dean was used to his own company and it never bothered him
before, but Castiel wasn’t so bad and it was refreshing to have someone else to
talk to. Dean gave him a half-hearted wave while he watched him try to scramble
up the bank. “Come on, city boy.” Dean teased, and leaned back to give him a
shove. “You know, Cas. You really don’t need to tell people you’re new here.”
“Thank you.” Castiel replied politely, without turning round. Dean knew he was
being sarcastic and there was that little spark of fire Dean had been desperate
to see again, imagining Castiel might be almost tolerable once he got to know
him better. Dean watched the sway of his backside while he stumbled up the rest
of the track. He shook his head in despair, both eyes fixed on Castiel until he
disappeared from view behind the trees. Dean spent the rest of the long
afternoon alone, and definitely didn't keep checking over his shoulder to see
if Castiel had changed his mind, or decided to come back down to the pond after
he finished unpacking. Dean had turned it in by early evening. His mind wasn’t
really on fishing anymore, and he couldn’t shake the smell of Castiel from his
clothes, no matter who many times he took off his t-shirt and gave it a good
airing. It reminded him of something he couldn’t remember. Dean started to make
his way back up the path and tried very hard not to stare through the uncovered
windows of the house on the corner when he walked past on his way home. The
rooms were mostly in darkness. He couldn’t see Castiel at all.
Dean heard his father come in just after midnight. He reached for his
headphones so he didn't have to listen to the inevitable door slams and
incoherent curses that usually followed an evening at the local bar. Dean
pretended to be asleep to avoid another drunken confrontation about money, or
his brother, or anything else his dad could manage to come up with at short
notice. Dean hadn’t bothered getting changed. He still had the same shirt on,
even though it stank of dirty pond water. There was something else underneath
that made him feel safe and warm, so he pulled the collar up over his mouth and
turned over. He was staring into the darkness when an image of Castiel and his
stupid hoodie suddenly popped into his head. Dean couldn’t believe he was even
considering it, but he wondered if maybe Cas might want to go down to the pond
with him again in the morning.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Chapter End Notes
     Some chapters kindly edited by my good friend Jill -
     under_a_grey_cloud
***** Honey *****
2. Honey
Dean woke up early the next day to another wash of glorious Kansas sunshine. He
stretched out lazily on his back and dropped his hands behind his head. Dean
suddenly caught his breath in alarm when he realized his sheets felt wet
underneath him when he moved, and nervously reached down between his legs.
There was a thin layer of something sticky coating the skin on the back of his
thighs and he produced so much sweat during the night, his t-shirt was glued to
the middle of his back. The house was unnaturally quiet and all Dean could hear
were the echoes of his own shallow breaths while confusion started to pull his
face into a frown. He wondered if maybe he caught a bug or something from
sniffing in whatever was caked to his shirt after spending an afternoon by the
pond. He sat up and yanked it off, throwing it down on the rest of the pile
ear-marked for laundry. He should know better than to inhale crap like that,
but that day his shirt smelled just like Castiel and it was so nice, he pulled
the material all the way up to cover his nose as well as his mouth in his
sleep. Dean hardly stirred at all during the night and slept much better than
he had for a long time.
This was something else though, and Dean examined the damp patch with trembling
hands. He had no idea what it could be and would be too ashamed to say anything
to anyone about it, especially his dad. He was grateful they did some basic
sex-ed in class. Dean vaguely remembered someone saying it was normal to leak
stuff in your sleep at that age but this didn’t look quite right and it smelled
overly sweet like something familiar he couldn’t quite place. He ignored the
small pulse of panic in his chest while he hurriedly stripped the bed and left
everything by the door to be washed, taking the chance to have a quick shower
while his dad was still sleeping off twelve beers.
Dean was washed and dressed before nine, which was unusual for him in the
holidays but he was too hyped up to stay in the house all day and now he had a
reason to get out of bed before the afternoon. He stuffed a few snacks in his
bag and left a note for his dad on the table just in case he wondered where he
was. Dean took the long way round the back of the gardens, trying not to look
too obvious he was waiting for Castiel. His stomach dropped when he got to the
end of the road and realized the house was still in darkness. He swallowed down
the disappointment and continued onto the track, expecting to have to make do
with his own company again. Dean couldn’t stop his mouth from breaking into a
wide smile when he saw Castiel sitting by the side of the pond with his legs
crossed over each other. He seemed to do that a lot.
“Alright, Hawkeye?” Dean hollered loudly, waving one hand in the air while he
careered down the slope and almost landed on Castiel. Dean saw his shoulders
twitch and Castiel slowly turned his head just in time to see Dean pull up
short behind him with a massive grin plastered all over his face.
“Peoria’s in Illinois, Dean.” Castiel replied, with a patient sigh. “Not Iowa.”
“Same thing.” Dean shrugged, sitting down next to him with a bump. He’d never
even been out of state and everything else seemed like it existed somewhere
outside the confines of his own simple little world. Dean was a bit mad with
himself for looking like an idiot. It had taken him ages to come up with that
as well, but he quickly tried to cover up his mistake by rummaging around in
his backpack for something to eat. “What the hell are you doing down here so
early, anyways?” Dean asked innocently, glancing up when there was no reply.
Castiel had a faint hint of colour on both cheeks.
“Nothing. I just wanted to get out of the house.” Castiel said casually. It
wasn’t strictly true. Dean pulled out a squashed bar of chocolate and snapped
it in half. He thrust one end into Castiel’s hands without even asking him if
he wanted it. Castiel ate it piece by piece in silence before muttering a quiet
word of thanks. Dean just gave him another smile and Castiel couldn’t resist a
laugh when he saw the melted candy pushing through the gaps between his teeth.
He wasn’t really sure why Dean would want to spend any time with him at all. He
was moody and defensive, and practically made a career out of not letting
anyone get too close. A lot of his insecurity was based on no one ever really
understanding him anyway and he hadn’t exactly made an effort to establish
himself as a social butterfly. “You don’t mind me coming down here, do you?”
Castiel murmured into his chest where his head was dipped low. He reverted to
wearing the top up again like he always seemed to want to hide his face, but
Dean wasn’t having any of that crap. He didn’t want to let Castiel know quite
how much he enjoyed his company so he just answered the question by giving his
hood a tug.
“Take this off, Cas. It’s like a hundred and two in the shade. You’re gonna get
a sunstroke or something and you can be damn sure I’m not doing CPR on you.”
Castiel seemed to be debating it for a second, but Dean’s eyes were very
demanding. He slowly slipped his arms through each side and pulled it over the
top of his head before depositing it next to him on the bank. It was the first
time Dean had really been able to get a good look at him. Castiel seemed to be
really uncomfortable with exposing so much skin and quickly folded both arms
over his stomach when he curled his body forward. “What happened?” Dean asked,
after a heavy pause. Castiel was obviously upset about something and Dean
wanted to help if he could.
“My father insists on trying to get me to sign up for extra summer classes to
catch up what I missed last year, but I told him I won’t go.”
“No one likes school, Cas.” Dean said, like it was a scientific fact. “But my
dad says I gotta go so I can better myself. He didn’t even get his GED.”
“He’s right.” Castiel replied. He looked surprisingly serious. “But I don’t
want to have to think about that until I have to go back, and now I want to do
something else with my summer.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, but not something just to please my dad. I like being down
here.” Castiel stammered, like an afterthought he accidentally said out loud.
The words with you  went unspoken, even though they both knew that was what he
really meant. Dean didn’t say anything. There was a rush of warmth inside him
when he suspected Castiel wanted to spend the days with him as well. “What
about your mom, Dean? You haven’t said a lot about her.”
“Nothin’ to say, she left.” Dean closed his mouth tightly and started plucking
at a few errant grass tufts. Castiel could see that bothered him a lot more
than he made out and suddenly felt compelled to give him some form of comfort.
He reached out to rest his hand on Dean’s arm. Dean looked up in surprise, but
he didn’t move away. Castiel’s interest in him seemed to encourage Dean to give
out a bit more detail. “Sam was so little, I’m not sure he even remembers her.
We don’t talk about it.”
“Don’t you have anyone else to hang out with? There must be someone you can
talk to apart from your brother.”
“Not really. I never had a best friend before, if that’s what you mean. Not a
true friend, anyway. Someone who would never let me down.”
“You know what I had in my head the other day.” Castiel said. Dean saw a little
twinkle of mischief in his eye. He could never be sure if Castiel was winding
him up or not. “A true friend sees the pain in your eyes when everyone else
just sees the smile.”
“Cas.” Dean gasped. It was a really weird thing to say for someone who looked
like they hadn’t even hit puberty yet. “That’s actually beautiful.”
“I know. I read it on the back of a milk carton.”
Dean gawped at him for a second before his chin dropped against his chest and
he shook his head with a laugh.
“You’re an asshole.”
Castiel was just staring back at him with those deep blue eyes. Dean sometimes
felt like they could look right inside you, and he wasn’t sure he liked it.
They spent the rest of the morning talking and watching the insects skim across
the surface of the pond. Dean eventually lay down and studied the butterflies
in amazement while they circled around his head like they never had before.
They seemed unusually attracted to him. As well as freaking him out completely,
it made him think back to the weird pool of slick that had stained his sheets
during the night.
Honey - that’s what that slippery stuff reminded him of and it didn’t make him
feel any less worried. That sure wasn’t natural. He really wanted to ask Cas
about it for reassurance, but he probably wouldn’t have a clue and Dean didn’t
want to scare him off by thinking he was some kind of abomination.
Dean and Castiel were still lying flat on their backs in the long grass,
peacefully watching a few isolated clouds drift overhead. They were playing a
game and trying to pick out some familiar shapes when they heard a demanding
voice calling Castiel’s name. It sounded like it was coming from just over the
rise of the bank.
“Shit, it’s my dad.” Castiel muttered. He jumped up like a scalded cat and
slipped on the grass in his haste to leave. “I gotta go, Dean. He doesn’t trust
me anyway and I don’t want him to know I come down here.”
“Cas, you’re like fourteen.” Dean choked out. “What’s not to trust?”
Castiel blinked. He had often wondered the same thing himself. Dean just kind
of got him, and that gave him a nice warm feeling that flowed through his body
and made him happy. The idea someone else might actually see the good inside
him almost tempted him to spill everything, but for some reason he was
desperate for the other boy to like him and he wasn’t sure Dean was ready for
all that just yet.
“Thirteen and a half, actually.” Castiel said, with that same dismissive glare
he always gave people when they said something obvious. Dean was still looking
up at him and waiting for some kind of explanation, but all Castiel could
manage was a sigh before he turned away to move back up the bank. Dean couldn’t
find anything else to say when he watched Castiel leave again. The
disappointment from the day before now felt more like a physical ache inside
him. He strategically put it down to hunger and waited a few more minutes until
he could hear the sound of a vehicle reversing down the driveway.
The car was still missing when Dean made his way home to get something to eat,
if lunch could be classed as a dry PB and J sandwich with no butter and a
handful of week old potato chips. Dean settled himself by the window to wait
while he munched his way through the lot. It wasn’t like he had anything else
to do now school was out, and he felt a bit like a stalker hiding behind the
corner of the wall, but nothing interesting ever happened in Haven. Since their
meeting at the pond the day before, there was just something drawing Dean back
to Castiel like a magnet.
He had no idea how long he sat there, but eventually Dean gave up and started
rooting around in Sam’s room to see if he left his Nintendo. At least he would
have something to do to fill the time until Cas or his brother got back. He
must have fallen asleep again because most of the afternoon had slipped away
when he turned over. Dean was lying on his bed with his feet kicked up in the
air when he heard someone tapping on the porch door. He hesitated, not sure if
he should answer it. His dad always told him not to let anyone in at night or
when he was out, but something forced Dean off the bed and he crept down the
dimly lit hallway. Dean felt his heart start to pound when he recognized a
familiar outline through the door screen. He fumbled to undo the lock. Castiel
was standing on the step, his eyes brimming with emotion. Dean didn’t know what
to say. His father would go mad if he knew he had someone over, but Castiel
looked so pathetic just staring up at him like that.
“I had another fight with my dad.” Castiel was sniffing uncontrollably and Dean
felt a sudden pull on his heartstrings when Castiel wiped his sleeve across the
bottom of his nose. “I don’t wanna go home, Dean… can I stay here tonight?”
“Oh, Cas… I don’t know. My dad’s real - ” Castiel didn’t even let him finish
the sentence. He looked so pitiful, Dean’s resolve started to waver before he
managed to get another single word out.
“Please.”
Dean didn’t think his dad would be too happy about it, but the spent tears on
Castiel’s cheeks were dangerously persuasive and Dean found himself giving the
other boy a mute nod while he opened the door a little wider so he could let
Castiel in without him having to squeeze through the gap. His dad would never
find out if they stayed in the bedroom and kept quiet. Castiel was in no shape
to go anywhere like that and Dean hated seeing him so upset.
He grabbed what was left of the bag of chips and a bottle of soda from the
counter and signalled for Castiel to follow him down the hall to his bedroom.
Dean stretched out a spare comforter and a couple of pillows in the middle of
the room so they could share the snacks and be close enough to talk without
disturbing his dad when he came home. Dean didn't want to give him any reason
to try the bedroom door. Castiel still seemed reluctant to open up completely
and Dean didn't really expect anything else.
He couldn’t even remember crashing out, but Dean woke up in the middle of the
night to find he must have crawled out from under the sheets in his sleep and
the two of them had somehow ended up curled around each other on the floor at
the end of his bed.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Dangerous Attachments *****
3. Dangerous Attachments
Dean’s mind was still dulled by a cloud of sleep, but he could sense an arm
draped over his hips like a circle of protection. He made a weak effort to pull
away after telling himself he really should get back into bed, but Castiel’s
body was so warm and comforting Dean couldn’t bring himself to move. Castiel
was fast asleep. He didn’t stir at all when Dean gave in to the feeling of
contentment and closed his eyes again. He might have even edged a little
closer.
In the morning, Castiel was roused by the sound of muffled conversation just
outside the bedroom window. He recognized the deeper voice at once and tried to
shake Dean awake while he untangled the other boy’s legs after they got wrapped
around his own during the night. Castiel held his breath, heart pounding like a
jackhammer while he shucked off the comforter and crawled across the floor on
his knees. Dean blinked sleepily and propped his body up on one elbow, his face
screwed up with hazy confusion while he watched Castiel settle himself under
the window and put one finger up to his lips to keep Dean quiet.
“What?” Dean mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. Castiel shushed him and tapped his
finger even harder against his mouth to insist on the need for silence. Dean
just groaned and pulled the cover over his head so he could wake up properly
without Castiel having to harass him into consciousness. It was difficult to
make out complete sentences, but here and there he caught the general thread of
what was being discussed, and it made Castiel feel sick when he realized Dean
could probably hear some of the things being said about him.
“Yes, well he’s a bit over-sensitive and we only just moved here, so I wouldn’t
even know where to start looking. I’ve been going door to door this morning but
no one seems to know where he is.” Dean knew someone was talking to his dad on
the porch step. Judging by Castiel’s reaction, it was most likely his father.
They both heard John grunt something in response and Castiel visibly cringed
with shame. “Like I said, I’m sorry to have bothered you, but he has a habit of
taking off and I really need to find him.”
“Don’t know him, sorry.” John replied, through a mouthful of mangled cereal. He
wasn’t exactly sociable at the best of times and this man he didn’t know had
just interrupted his breakfast. The drone of conversation continued while both
boys crawled right up underneath the window and sat close together with their
heads tilted up towards the sound. Castiel looked so jittery Dean had to stifle
a giggle and suddenly clasped his hand over his mouth to try and stop himself
from laughing when Castiel glared at him. He looked terrified, blue eyes wide
with his head cocked to one side while he tried to follow the gist of the
conversation. He only managed to catch a few disjointed words and was starting
to get annoyed Dean refused to take it seriously. He attempted a spirited kick
which missed Dean by a yard and Castiel landed hard on his backside, a rush of
air spilling from his mouth at the impact. Dean couldn’t resist the chance to
get one over on him, and flung his body forward to pin Castiel on his back.
Dean had no time to celebrate his conquest before Castiel flipped him over with
an unexpected surge of strength and held his hands down either side of his
head. Dean blinked up at him in surprise when he heard the hint of a low rumble
that resonated deep in Castiel’s throat while he pretended to dominate Dean
with a playful growl, and held him fast. Dean felt something stir in the pit of
his stomach, and scrambled away in panic leaving Castiel bending over on all
fours and staring blankly at the space where the other boy had been lying
beneath him. Dean shuffled backwards on his ass until his body bumped up
against the edge of the bed. He waited for the strange sensation to subside
after it shuddered through his body when Castiel was hanging over the top of
him. It was soon forgotten when the porch screen clicked shut and the sound of
footsteps slowly faded away.
Castiel sat up and hurriedly reached for his jeans, turning round so he could
wriggle into them when he noticed Dean was watching him from the other side of
the room. The summer heat had lasted until late into the evening and both of
them had stripped down to a shirt and shorts before climbing under the
comforter the night before. Dean frowned at Castiel’s back, wondering why he
would be so reluctant for anyone to see him without his pants. He dismissed it
quickly and they both got dressed in silence. Dean didn’t say anything more
about it - maybe Cas was just shy. They finally emerged from the bedroom and
headed into the kitchen for breakfast. Castiel was nervous as they entered. The
first thing he noticed was a man in desperate need of a shave watching the two
boys intently while they settled themselves at the counter. Castiel dared a
small smile when Dean reached for the juice and splashed some into a couple of
tumblers. Sam had been dropped off early in the morning and was now busy taking
all the marshmallow pieces out of a bowl of lucky charms and stacking them in a
pile on the counter. He looked up through the long strands of hair hanging over
his eyes and gave Dean a stern glare.
“I can’t find my Nintendo. Did you take it again?”
Dean just pulled a face at his brother over the breakfast table and Sam went
back to picking at his cereal. It was the only thing filling the uncomfortable
silence that descended while their father stared at Castiel over the top of his
spoon.
“You the kid that’s missin’?” John asked at last. Castiel flushed pink and just
nodded while he watched the man shovel food into his mouth with little dignity.
“You think maybe you should go home, then?”
“Dad.” Dean said under his breath. He offered Castiel an apologetic smile for
his father’s lack of tact.
“Yes, sir.” Castiel answered politely, and stood up again. He really had no
desire to go home at all but he'd already stayed much longer than he should and
let himself out the back door without another word. Dean felt so terrible for
him, he jumped up and ran out into the street. Castiel stopped when he heard
the door swing open behind him and glanced at Dean over his shoulder. There was
such a helpless look in those big round eyes, Dean just wanted to cuddle him.
Castiel slowly turned around and they stared back at each other from opposite
ends of the driveway. Dean rubbed one hand across the back of his neck.
“I might see you around, Cas.” Dean said, slowly starting to walk towards him.
He hadn’t really noticed Castiel was moving forward as well and they ended up a
few centimetres apart in the middle of the path. Dean really meant that to
sound like a laid-back see you later, but it definitely came out more like a
question that demanded an answer. Dean needed Castiel to give him the
reassurance he craved for. They were now standing so close to each other Dean
saw a twitch at one side of Castiel’s mouth like he was trying not to laugh.
Sometimes that boy was so hard to read. Dean couldn’t decide if Castiel really
liked being with him or not.
“Yeah. Maybe, if I’m not too busy.” Castiel answered quickly. Neither of them
made even the slightest attempt to move apart. Dean was fidgeting aimlessly
with his belt loops.
“Well, obviously… if I’m not doing anything either.” Dean added casually.
Castiel didn’t buy into his disinterest for a second. “I think my dad wants me
to help him work on the car this afternoon, but I might be able to get away for
an hour or so.”
“Might see you later, then.” Castiel said, finally managing to pull himself
away from his friend. He gave him a knowing smile before heading back home.
They both knew Dean would be waiting outside his window as soon as the coast
was clear. Dean heard himself sigh when he watched Castiel walk away until he
reached the end of the street. He disappeared from view and Dean returned to
the house to give his father a disappointed scowl.
“He was really upset last night, Dad.”
John just shrugged and made a noisy attempt at swallowing a mouthful of black
coffee.
“Sorry, kid, but you shouldn’t encourage him like that. His pop was real
worried, and you know why I don’t want people staying over. Besides, you hardly
know him.” Dean didn’t answer. He never actually knew why people weren’t
supposed to sleep over because his father had said that so many times before
without any explanation, Dean had given up asking. He knew better than to
question his dad about anything at all after a night on the lash. Dean
suspected Castiel would be in a lot of trouble when he got home and that made
him feel much worse than anything John could have said. The room soon fell
quiet again. Sam finished his cereal and pushed his bowl away. He tried to edge
past Dean, but he stopped him by grabbing the back of his pants.
“Didn’t you want this, short stack?” Dean teased, pulling out the video game
from the pocket of his jeans.
“Hey.” Sam pouted, trying to reach for his Nintendo. “Give it… Dean.” Sam was
whining with frustration while he repeatedly tried to jump up and grab it out
of Dean’s hand. “One day I’ll be bigger ‘an you, Dean, and then you’re gonna
get it.”
“Yeah right, shrimp.” Dean laughed. “Good luck with that.” He waved the console
over Sam’s head a couple of times before giving it back. Dean ruffled the top
of his hair. “Go on, get outta here.” He wanted Sam to understand there was an
unwritten hierarchy in that house, but sometimes Dean thought he should really
look after him. He felt bad the poor kid only had the two of them to watch out
for him. Dean would never let that show, of course but it was as close as Sam
was ever going to get to a sorry.
Sam clutched the video game proudly in his little hands and readily abandoned
all the grown-up stuff he didn’t understand so he could settle himself in front
of the TV and watch the usual Saturday morning cartoons. He seemed completely
unaware of the conversation that was going on behind him. Dean didn’t want him
to hear them talking about his new friend. There was some kind of possessive
edge to the idea of his kid brother trying to hang around with them when
Castiel came over. Dean didn’t want anyone else there anyway and he sure as
hell had no intention of sharing him, especially with an annoying little shit
like Sam.
Dean was suddenly dragged back to the present and realized his father was
standing right next to him and staring down impatiently like he was waiting for
an answer to a question Dean never heard.
“Sorry?” Dean attempted, hoping his dad wouldn’t pick up on the fact he hadn’t
been listening to any of it.
“I said, you don’t want to get too attached to him.”
Dean thought it was a weird thing to say, and half wondered if he chose that
word on purpose. John suddenly seemed more interested in his eldest son than he
usually did while he was nursing a hangover but it didn’t really matter what
came out of his mouth. Dean had no intention of heeding a single word of advice
from a hapless drunk whose so called parenting skills hadn’t made a productive
appearance since 1987.
“I don’t care. I never had a friend like Cas before. I really like him and he
likes me.”
“I spoke with that boy’s father, Dean. He’s pretty sure they’re not going to be
staying here for long. I know you ain’t got many friends, kid, but you
shouldn’t latch on to someone like that.” Dean saw something else behind his
father’s eyes, just for a second. Sometimes he forgot how hard it must have
been for his dad to accept he had to raise his sons alone. He was never what
anyone could call affectionate and rarely engaged in conversation with either
of them if he could help it, but at least he was still there. Even with all the
rest of his crap, that was something.
“Okay.” Dean conceded, casting his eyes to the ground with a lump in his
throat. “Sorry.” He had seen the tell-tale signs his dad was getting mad with
him again and he wasn’t going to push it. Dean held back the tears of
frustration in front of Sam and continued to stare at his feet. The tone of his
father’s voice made it clear none of it was even close to a request.
“Dean.” John said firmly. “I mean it, I don’t want that boy sleeping over here
again.”
“Cas.” Dean replied defensively. “His name is Cas.”
He wasn’t really sure which way that particular line of unwanted advice was
heading, but he didn’t like the fact someone as special as Cas was persistently
being referred to as ‘that boy.' He got his answer when John glanced over
Dean’s shoulder and dropped his voice low enough so Sam couldn’t hear them. It
wasn’t what Dean expected.
“You know it’s only gonna hurt more when they move again.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Secrets *****
4. Secrets
Dean could still feel the burning gaze of his father’s eyes on his back while
he turned away and cleared the table in silence. There was a lot left unspoken
between them, but Dean was so worried about Castiel he wasn’t really hungry
anymore and just wanted an excuse to get out of the house so he could head down
to the pond. Castiel might know he would wait for him there. His dad never
usually gave him advice, and the whole conversation made Dean decidedly
uncomfortable. He couldn’t remember a time when he got told anything for his
own good. That felt more like a warning, and he didn’t like it. John dumped his
bowl in the sink with a clatter.
“I gotta pick up some parts for the Impala. Don’t forget you promised to work
on that with me later, son.”
“I know, Dad. I haven’t forgotten.” Dean answered quietly, continuing to tidy
up the kitchen. He was cursing himself for agreeing to it. That meant he would
be tied up holding a spanner all afternoon when all he really wanted to do was
find Castiel and make sure he was alright. His father didn’t sound like the
most forgiving type and being missing all night was pretty serious. Dean hated
the idea of his friend being upset any more than he already was. It had really
been his fault anyway. He was the one who let him stay over. Maybe if he could
explain, Castiel’s dad wouldn’t be so mad at him. The guilt caused Dean to make
an impulsive decision. He would wait for John to go into town and then walk
down to the house on the corner and throw himself on the mercy of Castiel’s
father.
Dean busied himself with chores while he watched the clock and willed his dad
to leave. The only job left to do was the laundry, and he shouted Sam to bring
the pile from his bedroom without thinking. His stomach flipped over when he
suddenly remembered his sheets were still covered with the stuff that slid out
of him in his sleep. Dean hurtled down the corridor to his room and practically
knocked his brother over in his haste to grab them before Sam got the chance to
see the mess. Sam had already beaten Dean down the hall and was dramatically
wafting his hand in front of his nose as soon as he opened the door.
“Ew… Dean, what’s that smell?”
“Shut up, Sammy.” Dean snapped defensively, pushing past to grab the heap of
soiled sheets and a couple of shirts he dropped there the day before. “Just
move, short stuff.” Dean ordered. His impatience was only hiding the panic that
gripped him when he realized the scent had come from him. “I’ll be dead of
boredom waiting for you to pick up.” Sam just stood in the doorway and gaped at
him in surprise. Dean had never been quite so keen to do the laundry before,
but Sam put it down to too much sun and went back to his cartoons. Dean loaded
everything into the washer and opened the kitchen window to let in some fresh
air.
                                 ………. «» ……….
John finally slipped on his leather jacket and left just after eleven. Dean
didn’t even wait until the car pulled out of the street before he was running
down to the house on the corner and up to the front door before he had time to
change his mind. He noticed the car wasn’t in the driveway again and there was
a familiar surge of disappointment when he was forced to accept Castiel
probably wasn’t there. He felt his shoulders drop when he stuck his hands in
his pockets and started to head back up the road. He decided to check the pond
anyway, just in case.
Castiel was leaning up against one of the larger trees hanging over the water.
Dean couldn’t believe how pleased he was to see him but he didn’t want to make
it too obvious, so he ran over to him and pulled hard at his top, pretending to
push him away.
“Why do you always cover up when it’s so hot? I don’t know how you stand it.”
Dean tugged at it again like he was trying to pull it off.
“Dean.” Castiel slapped his hand away. “Stop it.” He was clearly in no mood for
playing and Dean wondered if Castiel got more than both barrels when he went
home that morning. There was no point in denying he was dying to know what
happened.
“What’s the matter? Did he go ballistic?”
“No, nothing like that.” Castiel sighed. “I tried to explain, but he wouldn’t
listen. No one ever believes me, anyway.” Castiel said with irritation,
dropping his hood so Dean could see him better. His lips were stretched in a
tight line and Dean knew he was trying not to show how upset he was.
“I didn’t say I never believe you, Cas.” Dean answered, while he leaned next to
Castiel and straightened down his top where he mauled at it. “I just think it’s
weird you’re always covered up, is all.” Castiel didn’t move away. He just
threw his back harder against the trunk of the huge white oak that dominated
one side of the bank and closed his eyes.
“Maybe I am weird.” Castiel replied at last. He couldn’t seem to look back up
and now Dean felt really bad for using that word in the first place. “Everyone
seems to think there’s something wrong with me.”
“Hey. Cas, I didn’t mean it like - ” Dean started, but Castiel interrupted him
before he could finish his sentence.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Dean studied Castiel’s face for a second before he pushed his tongue into the
inside of his cheek.
“Alright, fine.” He said. “But don’t think you’re getting off the hook that
easy.” Dean gave him a playful nudge and Castiel finally cracked a smile. “You
can fill me in on the details later. I was just worried your dad tore a strip
off you when you went home. I felt real bad about this morning, Cas… and my
dad. Sorry.”
“It’s okay, I’m used to it.” Castiel shrugged. “He didn’t seem like he wanted
me there at all.”
“He’s always like that.” Dean answered bluntly. He paused, not sure how much he
should share with someone he had only known for a couple of days, but Dean
couldn’t help but trust him. “He changed when my mom left.”
Castiel was watching the movement of Dean’s hands. His fingers were locked
together. He was tapping one thumb against the other.
“I don’t think I’ll be seeing much of mine now.”
Dean frowned.
“What do you mean? I thought your whole family moved here.”
“No. It’s just me and my dad for a while. It’s a long story, Dean. I just wanna
stay here and try not to think about anything else.” Castiel touched Dean’s arm
and leaned towards him.
“Anyway.” Dean exhaled, while he pushed himself up straight. They were getting
very close again and he needed a distraction. “Enough depressing crap for one
day.” All Dean wanted to do when he got up that morning was to spend the day
down by the pond with Castiel. He needed to set up a proper fishing spot, and
intended to clear away some of the longer reeds that had been drawn towards the
water by the sunlight, casting thin shadows on the glassy surface. Dean always
thought there was something very special about that place, and now Castiel was
there with him, it was perfect. He never wanted the summer to end. “Here, come
help me shift some of this.” Dean’s voice had changed pitch so completely
Castiel knew that particular line of conversation was definitely over for now.
It was warm and sunny, and he was with Cas, and nothing was going to spoil such
a beautiful day for him by talking about being abandoned by someone who was
supposed to love him. Castiel saw a dark shadow cross his face. He didn’t
express his understanding in words, but he followed Dean and sat behind him on
the bank while he positioned himself by the side of the water. Castiel
hesitated for a second before he reached out and placed a comforting hand on
the middle of Dean’s back. He could just feel the steady thrum of the other
boy’s heartbeat against the tips of his fingers.
“I’m sorry.”
Dean didn’t answer, but Castiel sensed him lean into his palm. His breath
hitched a little when Castiel aimlessly traced one finger down Dean’s spine
until his hand came to rest on the band at the back of his jeans. Dean bent
forward to tug at some of the more stubborn water reeds and Castiel settled
behind him just a little too close. He suddenly had an overwhelming desire to
grab hold of Dean and fix him in place with one hand resting against either
side of his hips. Castiel drew him back and Dean could feel the warmth of his
body pressing against him. Dean looked over his shoulder.
“What you doin’?” He grinned at him, thinking Castiel was just leaning over to
help steady himself while he pulled at some of the thicker stems to dislodge
them. Maybe he was playing up to the fact Dean was dangerously close to the
edge and half wondered if Castiel might push him in to get revenge for knocking
him onto his back that morning. Dean didn’t know it, but that wasn’t what
Castiel was thinking at all. The raw and dangerously unpredictable instinct
that had made him reach forward suddenly disappeared. Castiel stirred and
slowly released his hands. He looked down and tried to think of a reason why he
wanted to bend Dean over like that, but he couldn’t find one.
“I don’t know.” Castiel answered, caught in a daze - almost like waking up from
a deep sleep when everything seems surreal and one minute blurs into the next.
“Nothing.” Castiel suddenly felt very defensive, like he'd been thinking
something he shouldn’t. He shrugged it off and quietly helped Dean to finish
stripping one side of the bank. They sat side by side, their thighs barely
touching. Dean looked more thoughtful than usual.
“What?” He demanded, when he saw the way Castiel was staring at him. Sometimes
Dean just wanted to see him smile again. The way his mouth curved and his eyes
shone when he was happy made something stir inside him and he wanted that
feeling again. Dean really wanted to try and get Castiel to talk about what
happened in Peoria, but there was another need there buried somewhere deep in
his subconscious that made Dean ache for the warm comfort that bathed him
whenever Castiel was close.
“Dean?” Castiel’s quiet voice disturbed the peaceful silence and Dean turned
his head to give Castiel his complete attention. “Do you ever wonder what
you’ll be like when you grow up?”
“Not really.” Dean murmured. “Never given it much thought, honestly. Probably
end up doing the same job as my dad. What about you? He said you might not be
staying long.”
Dean could feel Castiel stiffen by his side where their legs were still pressed
together. Castiel hadn’t really gone into much detail about what had happened
when he’d gone home, but Dean imagined whatever had been said probably wasn’t
good, and this new revelation his father left the rest of the family behind to
take Castiel away had got him to thinking. Dean liked Cas and he trusted him,
but there must have been something dark in his past that had forced his father
to make such an important decision.
“I don’t know.” Castiel answered honestly, the bitter memory of his father’s
enduring disappointment rising up again. “He wants me to stay home and study,
but all I really want is to be here.” Dean glanced up, and the flecks of green
in his eyes seemed to flicker for a second before Castiel quickly looked away.
“I never lived so far out in the country before. I like it.” Nothing ever
compared to the calm peace he had found by that little pond. “I want to stay.”
Dean edged a bit closer and picked up a couple of long-stalked grasses with
leaves sticking out in every direction. He gave one to Castiel. He
instinctively put it in his mouth.
“Cas, can I ask you something?”
“Something else?” Castiel sighed, but he wasn’t really mad. It just felt like
Dean had pestered him relentlessly for information, and there were some things
Castiel wanted to keep to himself until he was sure Dean could be trusted as
much as he hoped.
“Why would you want to stay here if your family’s still in Peoria?”
Castiel hesitated, staring back with that impenetrable blue gaze that could
hold Dean hypnotized for as long as he could count. He bit into the end of the
moist shoot where it was still sticking out one corner of his mouth.
“Why do you think?” Castiel replied, and Dean saw a soft smile lift up around
the chewed-up stalk. He never noticed quite how full and pink those lips were
before. They were shining in the sunlight when Castiel ran his tongue along the
edges to hold the stem in place. Dean smiled back. He lay down next to Castiel
on the bank and let the sunshine wash over him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Broken Promises *****
5. Broken Promises
Dean was surprisingly quiet while he relaxed on the bank, wondering if that
could mean what he hoped it did. He was starting to believe maybe Castiel
really did like being with him, even though he never saw himself as
particularly good company and spent most of the last semester wandering round
the quad and pretending he didn’t mind being on his own. Castiel felt his
cheeks start to tingle while he continued to nibble aimlessly at the grass
until he could feel the starchy sap drip onto his tongue. He pulled it out and
wiped his hand across his mouth while he twirled it through his fingers,
watching Dean stretch out and fold his hands behind his head so he could get
more comfortable in the warmth of the early afternoon. It was a pleasant
diversion from everything that happened that morning and sometimes it felt like
they were the only two people in the world when they were alone together in
such a beautiful place.
Castiel carefully studied the soft lines and curves of the other boy’s face.
Something unexpected had come over him when the impulse to touch Dean's body
had forced out any logical thought and been replaced with a possessive desire
to have Dean all to himself. Sunlight was streaming down between the twisted
branches of the trees and covering his face with shadows where it was filtering
through the leaves. Dean spread out his legs. Castiel never noticed their
distinctive bowed curves before. He smiled to himself at how peaceful Dean
looked just lying there, holding his breath when he leaned over and teased the
feathery stalk across the end of Dean’s nose. He swatted it away in irritation,
his eyes still closed.
“Stop it, Cas.” Dean murmured sleepily. His face scrunched up every time
Castiel continued to touch the frond against Dean’s skin to try and get his
attention. “So help me, Cas… if you don’t stop it.” Dean warned, but he was
ignored completely and Dean’s eyes suddenly snapped open just before he grabbed
Castiel around the wrist and held him fast. He suddenly dragged him up and over
his body and rolled on top of Castiel, securing him in helpless submission by
straddling his hips and holding him down. “Don’t say I didn’t give you fair
warning.” Dean grinned, biting into his lip while he dug his fingertips into
Castiel’s sides and tickled him without mercy while Castiel squealed and
squirmed beneath him. He pleaded for Dean to stop between fractured cries of
his name and begging to be let go. His tortured pleas went unheeded and Dean
continued to torment him, knowing he didn’t really mean it - for all his
protests to the contrary. Dean carried on until he didn’t think Castiel could
possibly take anymore and eventually released him with a breathless laugh.
Castiel was looking up at Dean with a watery gaze, his skin so flushed it only
made the blue of his eyes seem even more intense when they searched Dean’s
face.
Dean finally got off him and took in some deep gasps of air. Castiel lay down
on his side and rested his cheek in one hand while they stared at each other in
silence. He couldn’t help but notice that hint of sweetness again and Castiel
had no choice but to move in closer and inhale the scent-filled air that
drenched the space around Dean like drops of persuasive nectar, pulling at his
senses and drawing him in. Dean felt like he should say something, so he sighed
and opened his mouth before he could really think about what came out.
“What if your dad makes you move again? I don’t want you to leave, Cas.” It
sounded a bit more pitifully desperate than he intended but his father’s words
were still stuck in his head with the fear Castiel might suddenly be snatched
away from him. There wouldn’t be a damn thing he could do about it.
“I won’t go.” Castiel answered with a pout, lips pressed together in defiance.
“Anyway, I don’t think he really wants to move a second time. I know what he
said to your dad, but I think that was only because he was worried I’d run off
again.” Castiel stopped when he realized what he just admitted to but Dean
didn’t seem to notice. He was happy for words to wash over him while he closed
his eyes again and settled himself on the soft carpet of grass.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean didn’t even think about starting to make his way home until much later to
get them something to drink. John already waited most of the afternoon for him
to come back and help fix the car but Dean had been so content he hadn’t given
his dad a second thought. He came through the back door with a dreamy smile on
his face. It was instantly wiped away when he saw his father sitting opposite
with a beer in one hand and oil stains on his knees. Dean realized with growing
alarm he'd forgotten his promise. Time just seemed to slip through his fingers
like water when he was with Castiel.
“Shit. I’m so sorry, Dad. I totally forgot.” John stood up when Dean muttered a
half-assed apology which earned him a light clip around the back of his head in
payment for the curse. Dean shifted his feet awkwardly while he waited for the
inevitable roasting.
“I asked you to help me today, Dean. What the hell were you playing at?”
Dean stared at the floor in silence. He didn’t want to get Castiel in trouble
again because of his own selfish need for them to be together, but John knew
straight away his son was hiding something. He looked Dean up and down with
suspicious eyes. John noticed there were dry seed pods sticking to the sides of
his pants and his hair was still messed up from the playful struggle that had
somehow ended up with him sitting on top of Castiel with his hands inside his
shirt. Sam was bent over the table, cradling a glass of milk and enjoying a
melted cookie tightly clutched inside one little fist. He leaned over so he was
level with his brother and let out a small laugh.
“You got grass stains on your ass, Dean.”
Dean felt his face start to heat up again.
“Save it, Sammy. Nobody’s talking to you.” He snapped back. John was still
staring at him with mistrust and the implications of that seemed to bother him
much more than the fact Dean had bailed on him.
“You been with that boy again?”
If Sam had been within kicking distance, Dean would have happily given him one
for that alone but he just let out a tense breath and bit his tongue to stop
himself from saying something he might regret.
“I told you already, Dad. His name is Cas.” Dean replied, trying hard to keep
his voice steady over the feeling of frustration that kept building with the
persistent repetitive crap that always seemed to accompany a conversation about
Castiel. John waved a dismissive hand in Dean’s general direction. His father’s
blatant disregard for giving Castiel the acknowledgment he deserved just made
Dean even madder. He was dangerously close to telling his dad exactly what he
thought of him, but there was something about his indifference that seemed
forced somehow, almost like he was deliberately trying to play down their
developing attachment to each other. “I’m really sorry. I just lost track of
time.” John shook his head in quiet despair and took another swig of beer
straight from the bottle. Dean could see he wanted to say something else but
for some reason he just let it go and that surprised him. He usually got an
earful when he messed up, but his father looked more thoughtful than anything
else. “Can I go now, please?” Dean said quietly. He was prepared to agree to
anything if it meant he would be able to go back outside. The compulsion to see
Castiel again was more important than having to swallow down his pride. John
gave him a curt nod.
“You be back before dark, boy.”
“Yes, sir.” Dean called over his shoulder. He was already out the door and
heading back down the street before he had chance to get what he went back for
in the first place. He was smiling as he ran up the driveway. One of the
windows was slightly open and Dean called out Castiel’s name. He almost jumped
out of his skin when the front door flew wide. He was startled by the sudden
appearance of the man he recognized from that first morning when Castiel had
dropped into his life like a hurricane and turned everything into something
fresh and wonderful. It was the same man who had been standing next to Castiel
on the lawn, and they looked so much alike Dean knew straight away it was his
father. Castiel was peering out from behind him in the doorway and gave Dean a
shy smile before stepping down from the front step. Dean opened his mouth to
try and explain everything that had happened and take all the responsibility
for Castiel staying out all night. When he got a little closer Dean could see
the man was looking him up and down like he was assessing a new threat level.
Dean quickly stepped aside when Castiel’s father ordered his son to go back in
the house.
Castiel hesitated. Contempt for being dictated to like that surged up inside
him and he instinctively moved closer to Dean instead. That only seemed to piss
his father off even more. The look he gave Castiel implied he wasn’t going to
take no for an answer. Castiel’s eyes soon welled up with tears of frustration.
He was almost tempted to reach out his hand for comfort but Dean had already
started to back away. Castiel suddenly turned and sprinted down the road with
round drops spilling down his cheeks as he ran. His father shouted for him to
come back until they couldn’t see him anymore. Dean swallowed hard. He had no
idea what else to say while someone was staring him down with such an
intimidating glare. Castiel had obviously inherited the intensity of his
father's eyes and Dean wasn’t sure what he expected, but he certainly hadn’t
banked on how angry Castiel’s dad looked before giving him one last cutting
glance. He stormed back inside and slammed the front door with a bang. Dean was
left standing in the middle of the path with his heart racing.
Dean didn't know Castiel had already doubled back and run across the meadow to
reach the pond. Dean thought about maybe going home first and just leaving them
to it. The strange relationship between Castiel and his father really wasn’t
any of his business, but he just couldn’t settle when he knew Cas was upset
again. Dean hurried back down the street to see if he could find him, sneaking
past the house on the corner and heading towards the pond that had so quickly
become their special place. Dean’s breath caught in his throat when he saw
Castiel sitting in the shadows under one of the white oaks. His body was curled
over completely with his head dropped forward. Even from some distance away,
Dean could see his shoulders were shaking and he was sobbing into his knees
where they were pulled up into his chest. Dean was almost getting used to the
inexplicable sensation of how much he wanted to seem to drift into Castiel’s
space, and stepped over the tufts of long grass to join him. He sat down and
shuffled closer until their shoulders were pressing against each other. Castiel
didn’t lift his head up or say one word to him. Dean wasn’t sure how he was
supposed to feel about the way his body tingled every time they touched but Cas
was his friend and he needed someone right now, so Dean edged back a bit and
slipped one arm around his waist to give him a nervous squeeze. Castiel leaned
into the contact and let Dean pull him into an awkward hug. His mouth was so
close, Dean could feel rapid warm breaths skim across the side of his neck.
“I just don’t understand what I’ve done.” Castiel sniffed. “We didn’t do
anything wrong.” He paused for a second and looked up at Dean with tear stains
coating both of his cheeks. “Did we?” Dean rejected such a ridiculous
suggestion with a sigh.
“No, Cas… we didn’t do anything wrong.” He couldn’t remember a time in his
short life that had ever felt more right than the moment when Castiel melted
into him and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. His sobs slowly subsided and
then faded away altogether.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Honesty *****
6. Honesty
The subtle role reversal was evident in the strength Dean showed when he let
Castiel snuggle up against him while he dried his tears. Neither of them
realized what that truly meant or how very different those dynamics would be
one day.
“You okay?” Dean asked gently. He felt a soft nod against him. The only sounds
in the quiet glade were Castiel’s shallow gasps and the fluttering wings of
distant insects. “I still don’t really understand why your dad would act like
that if you don’t know what you’ve done.” Dean added. Castiel's head slipped
down again while he sobbed and was now resting on the curve of Dean’s chest,
his cries reduced to tiny whimpers. He eventually pulled away and Dean saw a
slight blush spread across his neck when he lifted up his chin so they could
look at each other.
“It’s not that. I told you, he doesn’t trust me.”
Dean narrowed his eyes and waited for some kind of explanation, but Castiel
seemed reluctant to share anything more.
“Yeah, I get that, but why?” Dean persisted, trying to coax a bit more
information from his friend by tapping his fingertips against the other boy’s
side. “What happened, Cas? I know there’s something, and it’s totally cool if
you don’t wanna tell me but you can if you want, you know. I’ve probably heard
a lot worse.” Dean forced a laugh. He was starting to feel that unusual
sensation flow through his body again and he just couldn’t explain it. Castiel
was soft and warm when he leaned in. His hair felt silky where it was tickling
Dean’s cheek. Dean was trying hard to focus on comforting his friend instead of
allowing himself to be dragged in by the pure essence that was now pulsing
between them. Castiel always smelled like the calm after a storm while moisture
still hangs in the air.
“Back home.” Castiel started. “There was some trouble, some very bad trouble.
My father just thought it was better if he took me away for a while. I was out
of control, running away. I even hurt my little brother.” He admitted, looking
ashamed when Dean frowned at him in confusion. He couldn’t imagine Castiel
being like that at all.
“Why did you do that?”
Castiel shook his head.
“That one was an accident.” He whispered. “Nobody believed me. I had this weird
idea I could do what I liked, refused to let anyone tell me what to do. I don’t
really understand why I was like that. It started just after I turned thirteen.
It felt like I was always looking for something I just couldn’t find.” He
stopped, glancing back at Dean for a reaction. “Stupid, huh?”
“No, Cas. It’s not stupid.” Dean replied. He had been tempted to decapitate Sam
on more than one occasion.
“But I don’t really feel like that anymore… angry, I mean.” Castiel added, with
a sigh. “I don’t know why, but it all stopped when we moved here - that first
day I met you. Now everything seems different. Sometimes I get sad, but that’s
probably just ’cause I miss my family.” Dean hummed with understanding and cast
his mind back to the first time he’d noticed Castiel kicking at the lawn. He
looked so unhappy and out of place, but Dean had seen something special there
and it was obvious there was a lot more to Castiel’s story than Dean had
imagined. He was lost in thought when he heard a quiet voice by his side again.
“There’s something else.” Castiel offered, while he shifted around on the
grass. He looked nervous. “Sometimes I wonder if he might be right. I think
there is something wrong with me.”
“Hey. Cas, there’s nothing wrong with you.” Dean said passionately. “Don’t you
ever let anyone tell you different.” He couldn’t think of a single thing about
Cas that wasn’t close to perfect. Castiel looked like he was trying to figure
out if Dean could really be trusted as much as he thought. He made an impulsive
decision to let him know what had been bothering him for a while and hoped Dean
wouldn’t laugh.
“Can I tell you something, if you promise to keep it a secret?”
Dean studied Castiel’s face. There was so much trust in those goddamn hypnotic
blue eyes Dean was already struggling to resist, his loyalty was never in
question. He had a feeling he would agree to anything when Castiel was looking
at him like that.
“Yeah, Cas.” Dean let out a shallow breath. His arm had been wrapped around the
other boy’s body for so long it was bordering on cuddling, so he pulled it free
with a jerk. Dean sat back on his heels, distracting himself by picking at the
flattened blades of grass between his knees. There was something so natural
about having Castiel pressed up close. Dean had only known him a couple of
days, but it seemed like they were being drawn together somehow. Two lost
little boys who needed each other like they needed air. “You know you can.”
“It’s just… embarrassing.”
“Cas, you don’t have to tell me.” Dean smiled. Castiel took a deep breath and
stared out across the pond. He forced the words from his mouth without being
able to look back up again.
“I’m not made right.” Castiel sucked his bottom lip into his mouth when his
gaze drifted south. “You know, down there.”
Dean’s eyebrows shot up.
“Oh.”
“It’s prob'ly nothing.” Castiel tried to shrug it off when he saw the look on
Dean’s face. “I just noticed it’s looked kinda different lately, and I’m scared
to tell anyone in case it’s something really bad. I can show you, if you want.”
“Whoa… no, Cas. It’s fine, I believe you.” Dean sat back even more and turned
his attention to the calm surface of the water.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Dean.” Castiel said defensively. Maybe sharing
something so intimate with another boy hadn’t been such a good idea after all,
but he couldn’t take it back. “I haven’t got anyone else to talk to about it
and I don’t know what’s happening to me.” Dean started to feel bad he dismissed
those concerns so readily and forced another smile. It wasn’t like he didn’t
want to look, but just for curiosity’s sake - obviously.
“Cas, I’m not sure I really wanna have a conversation about your junk. If
you’re that worried, don't you think you should see a doctor?”
“No.” Castiel replied adamantly. “If I ask my dad to take me, I’ll have to tell
him why and I can’t, Dean. I just can’t.” He added, his voice breaking with
breathless little gasps where his whole body still heaved from crying. “He
thinks bad enough of me already.”
“Cas, you can’t help the way you’re made. If there’s something wrong, you need
to fix it.”
Castiel sighed. Dean could see he was trying real hard to make out it wasn’t
that big of a deal.
“I’m not sure it’s something that can be fixed.”
They both fell silent again. Castiel didn’t want to talk about it anymore but
he was glad it was out - rhetorically speaking. They spent what was left of the
day clearing away the rest of the weeds at the side of the bank and Dean dug
out a couple of little holes in the ground to keep his bait boxes in so they
would stay cool in the Kansas heat. It took them a lot longer than expected and
the sun was starting to set by the time they finished. Dean finally stood up
straight and dusted off his hands. Castiel just wiped his fingers down the
sides of his pants and pulled his hoodie back on when the evening chill rolled
in.
“I gotta go, Cas. I told my dad I’d be back before dark.” Dean hated having to
leave Castiel alone again but he didn’t want to break another promise in case
he got grounded, and then he wouldn’t be able to play outside at all. Castiel
bit back his disappointment. Every parting cut a little deeper, and his need to
be near Dean was growing stronger.
“Hey, maybe you could come over tomorrow for a bit. I’ll ask my dad when I get
home.”
“Dean, I don’t really think your dad wants me to come over.”
“Always worth a try.” Dean replied, turning to head back up the bank with
Castiel trailing behind him. “He’s not so bad when he’s sober.” They walked up
the path and Dean picked up his pace after saying a reluctant goodnight to
Castiel on the corner. He wanted to stay with him just a little while longer,
but he didn’t dare go back on his word. If he was home early his father would
have no reason to refuse him anything.
John was sitting on the couch with his feet propped up in front of the TV when
Dean walked through the back door. His eyes were half-closed and Dean suspected
the empty bottle in his hand was responsible for him being on the edge of
drifting off to sleep. It looked like he was watching some boring newscast
about a handful of radical groups forming an activist movement in New York, but
Dean didn’t understand most of it and the topics of equality and omega rights
were just long words that were completely lost on him. John suddenly jumped and
reached for the remote when he saw Dean’s shadow out the corner of one eye. He
clicked frantically at it until the screen went black.
“Dean.” John exclaimed in surprise. He seemed unnaturally flustered and made a
valiant effort to hide his agitation, but he didn’t do a very good job of it.
“I didn’t expect you back so soon.”
“Just doin’ as I’m told, sir.” Dean smiled wide. He was itching to ask his
father for permission to hang out with Cas in the morning. Dean knew he wasn’t
particularly struck on the idea of them being around each other so much, but if
he had to do a bit of butt-kissing for a while, it was a price Dean was willing
to pay. He still didn’t really know why his father was so reluctant for the two
of them to spend time together. John was now watching his son with a serious
expression that reminded Dean of the look Castiel’s father had given him
earlier.
John stood up and stretched his arms above his head to try and shake the sleepy
feeling free. He yawned and made his way towards the kitchen to drop the bottle
in the trash. Words were still echoing in his head from the breaking report on
the local network. He already knew some of it. Omega types probably weren’t as
rare as people once thought. He certainly never expected any news about an
activist movement in another state to reach a remote little township like
Haven.
“Dad, can I bring Cas over tomorrow?” Dean asked with his best smile, when his
father edged past him in the kitchen doorway. He knew he was forbidden from
letting Castiel stay the night again so soon, but figured there was no harm in
asking. “Not to sleep.” Dean added quickly, when John stopped to look down at
him with a warning glare. “Just to watch TV and play some video games.” John
continued to stare at Dean like he was trying to think of a good reason to say
no, but the best he could come up with was a weak reference about Castiel’s
restless instinct to wander.
“I don’t know, son. His father didn’t seem too happy with that boy’s
behaviour.” Dean felt a sudden surge of potential disappointment, but he wasn’t
going to give up that easily. “I’m not sure he’s a good influence, Dean. His
dad told me he used to run away a lot.”
“I know, Dad, but he’s not doing that anymore.” Dean said confidently, trying
to persuade his father to give in by using those puppy eyes Sam had been
perfecting for years. It was usually pretty effective, and Dean thought it was
worth a try at least. “Please?”
“S’pose so.” John agreed at last, but he didn’t look too pleased about it.
“Have you asked his dad?”
“Not yet. I don’t think he’ll mind.” Dean replied. He was fairly sure that was
a lie, judging by the way Castiel’s father practically withered him on the spot
with those cold eyes of steel that felt like they might have pierced right
through him if he stood on his driveway much longer. Dean heard his dad
suppress a weary sigh.
“But I’m working late tomorrow.”
“I promise we’ll be good.” Dean added enthusiastically. “So, it’s okay?” He had
to prompt John again when he didn’t reply. Sometimes getting a straight answer
out of his dad was almost impossible, but he finally grunted some kind of
confirmation and Dean thanked him when he squeezed past and disappeared down
the hall.
“No sleepovers.” John called after him, but Dean had already closed the bedroom
door. He hadn’t even bothered to warm up any of the left-overs for supper and
quickly positioned himself on the window ledge to see if he could see anything
happening on the corner. Castiel’s house was a new build. It wasn't exactly the
same as most of the others on the street, which were all modest single storey.
Castiel was staying in the little attic space that was built on later and
separated his room from the ground floor. Dean knew there were only about two
hundred yards between them, but it may as well have been the same as going to
the moon and back when all he could do was peer out the glass in the hope of
seeing Castiel again before he went to bed. It was getting dark, and Dean was
so tired his eyes hurt but he couldn’t seem to drag himself away.
Dean fell asleep that night with his head tipped against the window, dreaming
the long hours away and waiting for the morning that would bring him a new day
and the promise of being with his Cas again.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Longing *****
7. Longing
Dean woke up with a start when he realized his face was practically stuck to
the glass where he drooled on the window in his sleep. He couldn’t remember
exactly what he’d been dreaming about, but he thought maybe Cas might have been
in it, and now there was that familiar scent of honey drifting up from between
his legs again. He blinked mindlessly when he forced his eyes open, dragging
his sleeve across his cheek and giving the residual splodge a quick wipe for
good measure. The sun was really bright where it streamed through the glass and
apart from a slightly damp butt, he was reasonably comfortable. Even better, he
had a fantastic view of the house at the end of the road.
Nothing was happening over there at the minute though, and the inexplicable
longing that caused him to spend an entire night propped up on the window ledge
had only resulted in backache and a spectacularly disappointing no-show from
Castiel. Now Dean was fully awake, the discomfort of being in such an unnatural
position for so long had started to trickle down his body. He knew he would
have to force himself to get up if he wanted to be able to walk for the rest of
the day. Dean sighed at the inconvenience of having to move at all and started
thinking about what Castiel said to him the day before. He stretched a few
muscles and pulled out the kink in his neck, wondering if it was just a
coincidence weird things had been happening to him down there as well. He had
to give Cas credit for being so honest. He obviously found it difficult to talk
about and Dean vowed to himself he would try and be a bit more supportive if
the subject reared its awkward head again. He hoped it hadn’t seemed like he
wasn’t interested. Dean completely understood how much that must have taken for
Castiel to share a secret like that with someone he only just met. He couldn’t
possibly explain anything like that to his own dad and Dean rarely asked John
for help with his homework, let alone anything else. Even then it was only with
math. He sighed again and reluctantly pulled his aching body away from the
window so he could change, hastily shoving his dirty sweatpants into a gym bag
so he wouldn’t run the risk of Sam catching him out again. His kid brother
seemed to have a supernatural talent for popping up in the most unexpected
places and had called Dean out once on his little accident already.
Dean was soon sitting at the table, picking at his breakfast while he waited
impatiently for his dad to get off the phone and go to work. If John noticed
his son was up early for the second day in a row, he didn’t mention it. Dean
didn’t really care what anyone else thought of him and never had high
expectations, but for some reason he hated to think Castiel’s father might
presume he was just another dumb hick with nothing better to do than try and
distract his friend from his studies so they could play outside in the summer
sunshine. There was something very accusatory in the way that man looked him
over before bothering to offer a single word of greeting. Dean decided he would
just have to bite the bullet and try again in a half-hour or so. His dad was
being agonizingly slow at getting ready that morning and when he finally came
off the phone, he had that look on his face again like he was going to attempt
something profound. As usual, Dean was disappointed.
“Right, Dean.” John started, setting his empty mug down on the table. “You
gotta watch Sammy today. I left you a few bucks to get take-out for dinner. I
don’t know what time I’ll be back.”
Dean’s mouth dropped open.
“Dad…” He complained, voice drawn out in the middle like his entire world just
collapsed around him. “You said Cas could come over today.”
“I know what I said, Dean. I also told you I was working late tonight. You can
still have your friend over. Sorry, kiddo, but I ain’t got no one to watch him
again and I already promised to do a double.” Dean was still whining with
disappointment and his heart sank when he realized his dad had made up his mind
and was already pulling on his jacket. “ - and no fighting.” That was the last
thing Dean heard when he pulled a face at his father’s back and watched the
door close behind him. The day he planned to spend with Cas was now a potential
disaster. Sam’s big hazel eyes might work on everyone else, but Dean knew he
would be trying to compete for Castiel’s attention, and deliberately ignored
the little green spark of jealousy that made his stomach turn. He left his
little brother curled up in bed with strict instructions not to do anything
dangerous until he called for his friend.
Dean was so nervous when he edged up the driveway he was biting into the skin
of one thumb, and almost turned tail and ran when he saw an imposing shadow
appear behind the glass when he reached up to ring the bell. Dean swallowed
hard and stood his ground when Castiel’s father opened the door and didn’t seem
at all surprised when he saw who it was standing on his front porch. Dean
forced out a winning smile and rocked back on his heels while he clasped his
hands behind his back.
“Hello, sir.” Dean said quietly, his heart pounding again. He hoped he had
enough voice left to get out the rest of his sentence.
“Yes?”
“I’m looking for Castiel. It’s Dean, Dean Winchester. I live across the road,
there. My dad said it was alright for him to come over today.” He strategically
left out the fact John already left for work.
“Yes, Dean… of course.” He looked the boy up and down for a second time, but
his eyes weren’t quite as cold as they were the day before and Dean wondered if
Castiel had been doing his own sucking up as well so they could spend the day
together. The man paused, his hand resting on the door frame. “I wanted to
apologize for yesterday. I wasn’t very polite, I’m sorry. Castiel has been
telling me all about you, Dean. He really seems quite taken with you.” He
added. Dean thought maybe he tried to smile, but all he managed was a weak
flicker of emotion when his lip twitched. Dean didn’t think it was deliberate.
It felt like the man was still sussing him out before he made a final decision,
one way or the other.
Dean was staring up at him in silence. That was the last thing he expected
after such an unpleasant introduction the first time they met, but he still
didn’t trust him one little bit and Dean wasn’t exactly sold on the fact he
made Castiel cry. Twice.
Dean waited patiently until he saw Castiel stick his head out the attic window
with a wave and the promise he would be down in a minute. Dean gave him an
anxious glance like he was almost waiting for Castiel’s father to say he
couldn’t go, but surprisingly he just attempted another smile and went back
inside. For some reason, that actually made Dean more nervous. It was soon
forgotten when Castiel came bounding down the stairs and grabbed Dean by the
arm when he ran past him. They sprinted all the way back to the house.
“Where’s your dad? Are you sure he’s okay with this, Dean?” Castiel asked
slowly, looking round the front room before settling himself on the couch. “I
don’t wanna give him any reason to be mad at us for lying. I want your dad to
trust me.”
“Yeah, it’s cool. He’s working late tonight so I gotta watch the dork, but I
know he doesn’t mind. Besides, I can hear that car coming from two streets
away. We could play some video games, if you like. I’ll bribe Sam to stay out
of our way with some ice cream or something.” The idea he had to babysit Sammy
at all was bad enough, but when he jumped up onto the cushions and wedged his
backside in between them before Dean had chance to take up the same space, it
was a step too far.
“Move, dickbutt. I wanna sit next to Cas.”
Sam pouted at him and crossed his arms in defiance.
“So do I.”
“Sam, I swear - you better move.”
“I was here first.”
The boys never had people over and Sam was so bored with his own company and a
second–hand games console, the novelty of a new friend was about as exciting as
life got when you were nine. He lapped up the attention and ignored the curse
Dean directed at him under his breath. Dean reluctantly perched on the opposite
end and glared at Sam through narrowed eyes. Castiel was now squashed up so
much against the side of the couch his shoulders were pushed together.
“Dean, it’s fine. Let him play.” Castiel smiled down at Sam while he nestled
between them with a quick wriggle and picked up the game pad. He was well and
truly lodged in place now and Dean made sure he took up as much space as he
possibly could so Sam was pinned in so tightly he could hardly breathe. Dean
gave him a smug smile and offered to change places with him if he was that
uncomfortable, but Sam wasn’t going to be overthrown quite so easily. He made
Castiel watch him play while he massacred the first ten levels and Dean sighed
in defeat, leaning back with one hand resting on the back of the sofa. His eyes
were still fixed on the TV screen when he felt the warm touch of something
pressing against the tips of his fingers. Dean managed to pull his gaze away
just enough to dare a sideways glance to see the very ends were touching
Castiel’s where they had both reached around Sam to try and get more
comfortable. Dean blinked when he realized Castiel was watching him just as
intently over the top of Sam’s head. The moment was lost when Sam got hungry
and jumped up after a few minutes, abandoning the whole idea in favour of
raiding the pantry while his dad was out the house. Dean was ecstatic when he
chucked the pad down and disappeared into the other room. Castiel was the first
to break the silence.
“Thanks for inviting me over, Dean. I know it sounds stupid, but I never had a
friend like you before.”
Dean blushed.
“Me either.” He said quietly. “It’s not like I want to be on my own all the
time. I just always felt different, you know. Like I never really seem to fit
in anywhere.” Dean didn’t think he should say anymore. That was more than he
had ever admitted to anyone, but he liked being with Castiel so much it felt
like he finally found the other half of himself. They just seemed to fit
together so perfectly. The last two missing pieces completing a puzzle he had
never been able to finish.
“Anyway, come on.” Dean said suddenly, tossing all those distracting thoughts
aside. “Your turn.”
“I don’t think I’ll be any good. I never had anything like that. My dad thinks
I should spend my time more… what did he say?” Castiel mused, while he searched
for the right word. “Constructively.”
“Well, I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds like he wants to bore
you to death.” Dean laughed. “Come here, I’ll show you.” He dragged Castiel off
the couch and thrust the pad firmly into his hands before leaning forward to
reset the start button and settle in front of him. His head was tipped to one
side so his friend could get a much better view of the screen. As predicted,
Castiel was hopeless.
“You’re doing it all wrong, Cas, here.” Dean tutted. Castiel willingly let his
friend manipulate his fingers around the edges while Dean gently wrapped his
hands over the top of Castiel’s to help him get the hang of it before he braved
a whole level on his own. He was unexpectedly responsive, and so compliant
under Dean’s touch, Castiel felt his arms go limp when he was drawn in to bend
forward and scent the back of Dean’s neck. He hesitated when he was close
enough to feel Dean’s heartbeat throbbing in his back. It seemed like whatever
thoughts Castiel had in that moment were caught up in fighting something that
made his stomach tremble. He could have easily leaned in more, but something
stopped him and he pulled away when the pad fell into his lap. The gentle
stirring that pulsed inside him when Castiel had been sitting behind Dean
vibrated all the way down his body. It was just in his nature to have that boy
pinned helplessly between his thighs. The significance was lost on him while he
was still so young. Completely unaware of the unbreakable bond the two of them
were destined to form.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Basic Psychology *****
8. Basic Psychology
Castiel was so distracted by the movement of Dean’s hands on his own, he wasn’t
paying attention to the game at all and gave up after a few minutes. His head
was now practically resting in the dip of Dean’s shoulder and he was breathing
hard against the soft skin of the other boy’s neck. Dean suddenly felt really
sick when an unexpected rush of heat rose up inside him and flooded his head
with noise. He quickly moved away and sat back with both arms splayed out
behind him while he took in a couple of deep breaths to try and stop the sudden
wave of nausea that caught him completely off-guard. Castiel was frowning at
Dean in surprise when he saw all the blood drain from those speckled cheeks
that were normally so flushed with colour. He bent forward on all fours to lean
in and see if his friend was alright. The pad dropped from his lap and hit the
floor with a thud.
“What’s the matter?” Castiel asked, with concern. Dean swallowed hard to try
and stop himself from throwing up all over the carpet. “I didn’t think I was
that bad.” It earned him a little smile, but Dean covered his mouth with his
hand anyway just in case.
“Nothing… it’s nothing.” Dean replied. “I’m fine, Cas. I just went a bit dizzy,
is all.” Dean didn’t want to admit he missed dinner the night before because he
had been stuck to the bedroom window in the hope of seeing Castiel again before
he went to bed. He only had a mouthful of breakfast, so Dean put it all down to
starvation and shouted through to the kitchen to tell Sam to bring them
something to eat. He ducked when a bag of potato chips got launched through the
door. They picked at a few snacks and watched TV for most of the morning and
Dean was okay after a while, but he soon got bored. He was already fed up with
having to watch Sam, so he left him on the couch and tapped his friend on the
shoulder to get him to stand up and follow him down the hall to his bedroom.
Sam seemed completely oblivious they’d ditched him and Dean closed the door
behind them as quietly as he could. Castiel felt bad the poor kid was left on
his own when they were supposed to be looking after him, but he couldn’t deny
he wanted Dean all to himself for a bit.
Dean threw himself on the bed and kicked off his sneakers, spreading out on top
of the covers while Castiel perched on the end next to Dean’s feet and pushed
his legs out the way so he had enough space to pull up his knees without the
risk of slipping off the edge.
“So, how come your dad changed his mind?” Dean asked casually. “I thought he
didn’t like me.” Castiel shook his head.
“It’s not that. He’s still hung up about what happened at home. I think I’m
gonna be on probation for the next twenty years for that.” Castiel added,
staring out of the window. “Besides, I told him he was wrong about you.”
“Oh, yeah?” Dean asked, his mouth tilting up at one corner when he visibly
preened at the compliment. Castiel was the only one who had ever seemed to
think he was worth bothering with at all. Dean still didn’t really know why but
he hid his insecurity well. “So you let him know how awesome I am, huh?”
Castiel forced a laugh.
“Something like that.”
Dean gave him a playful nudge against the side of his thigh where it was
pressing against one foot.
“Maybe when my dad chills out a bit he might let you stay over again.” Dean
said, but he wasn’t very hopeful and that made him sad. There was something so
comforting about having Castiel’s legs wrapped around him in the dark. Dean
didn’t understand why he wanted to be near Cas so much. He never had such a
close bond with anyone before and presumed that’s just what boys did with each
other when they were best friends. Castiel stretched out next to him until
their bodies were lined up together. He eased on to one side and reached for a
pillow to put under his head. Dean suddenly felt very warm again. The bedroom
was completely airless, and the heat of another humid afternoon certainly
wasn’t helping to cool him down.
Castiel must have felt it too because he wriggled out of his hoodie and dropped
it down the side of the bed. When he saw Dean studying him, that familiar
uneasiness returned whenever he exposed his skin. A bright shaft of sunlight
caught the contours of his body and Dean could see why he was always so
reluctant to take off his clothes. There were patches of discolouration along
the tops of his shoulders and a few darker splashes of colour running down both
arms. Dean wondered if they covered the rest of his body as well, but he didn’t
ask.
“Cas?” Dean ran his tongue between his lips, desperate to ask him something
that had been lodged in his head since the first day they were down at the
pond. “Is that why you cover up all the time?” He didn’t wait for an answer and
thoughtfully looked away so Castiel wouldn’t think he was staring. “There’s
nothing wrong with it, Cas. You shouldn’t be ashamed of who you are.”
“I’m not.” Castiel replied, but Dean suspected that wasn’t entirely true when
he turned away anyway and moved across the bed a bit so he was out of the
light. “But all these weird things are happening to me and I don’t know why.
It’s not just, you know." He paused, taking in a breath at the memory of
admitting his bits weren't made quite right. Castiel had no idea he was
developing a knot. “What I told you about yesterday. I feel like I don’t know
who I am anymore.”
“You always had that?” Dean nodded at the marks.
“No.” Castiel answered flatly, rubbing at the skin along his arms. He kept them
both wrapped around the front of his body so it wasn’t quite so obvious, but
Dean didn’t seem to mind in the least. It pulled out a long lost memory he
completely forgot until that moment.
“Huh. Sam had a puppy once that did that when it grew up. I think it ran away.”
Dean added aimlessly. Castiel screwed up his face in distaste.
“I’m not a puppy, Dean.” He sighed, reaching down the side of the bed. He
pulled his top back on to show he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Dean
was almost tempted to tell Castiel about what came out of him in his sleep. The
confession was resting just on the end of his tongue, but something stopped him
from spitting it out. He deliberately changed the subject.
“So your dad’s just pissed you hurt your brother and stuff.”
Castiel nodded.
“I guess. He never really explained why he thought we should leave, apart from
expecting me to make some kind of positive contribution to society. I don’t
think he ever really understands me.” The need to dominate was something that
was in him from the start, but it was difficult to try and establish your
social status when you were thirteen and had no clue what you would grow up to
be. “He seems to think I need watching all the time, like I’m gonna turn into a
monster or something.” Castiel sighed again. He hadn’t meant to cause everyone
so much trouble, but that inherent desire to search for his true mate had cost
him the only independence he had. “I think my mom just got scared. Dad decided
it would be better if we left for a while before it got any worse.”
“How could anyone be scared of you?” Dean laughed, wrapping one arm around
Castiel’s shoulders so he could reach up behind him and push gentle fingers
into his hair. Castiel playfully batted him away and pretended to be annoyed,
but he knew Dean was only trying to make him feel better. That one single touch
meant more to him than anything Dean could have said.
                                  ………. «» ……….
John pulled up on the driveway just after six and soon found the money he left
still sitting on the counter and Sam fast asleep on the couch. The older boys
were nowhere to be seen, so he shouted for Dean to get his ass out there and
explain himself. They both emerged from the bedroom just in time to be saved by
a rap on the door. John was torn between answering it and giving Dean a
bollocking for being so irresponsible. He hesitated before turning round to
pull it open and Castiel reached for Dean’s arm when he saw his father standing
on the step. He only came over to call his son in for dinner, but it was
obvious John had only just got back and Dean’s father left them on their own
all afternoon. “Alex Novak.” He offered stiffly, holding out his hand in
greeting. "I don't believe we were properly introduced last time." John wiped
one hand down his pants and gave it a quick shake. “I came to collect my son. I
had no idea he had been left unsupervised.” Alex said, just a little too
sharply. “Something might have happened to him.”
“Oh, come on, they’re just kids.” John replied dismissively. He lacked the same
level of perception as Castiel’s father and never exactly embraced the
educational system. “They’re not gonna get in much trouble just sitting in
front of the TV.” It was an innocent remark, but the other man seemed to find
something else behind it and stared at John from the shadow of the doorway like
he was analyzing the best way to play him.
“Yes, yes - I’m sure you’re right.” He agreed. His whole expression suddenly
changed, like all the concern had been completely erased from his face. He gave
them both a superficial smile so wide it made Dean cringe inside. Alex gestured
for Castiel to follow him and Dean watched them leave, his friend trailing
miserably behind his father while they headed back up the street. He could see
him bend down to say something to Castiel, and whatever it was made the boy
stop in his tracks and spare an apologetic glance over his shoulder. He tried
to give Dean a weak smile, but it was lost in the haze of the setting sun.
Castiel’s father already knew about the situation upstate and had been trying
for several months to ignore his suspicions that Castiel was different in a way
it terrified him to think about. He was shaking his head in despair by the time
they reached their front step and Castiel heard him muttering to himself while
he pushed the key into the lock.
“Castiel?” His father demanded, but he didn’t wait for an answer. Alex didn’t
really expect one. “I said, what the hell kind of parenting is that?”
Castiel just shrugged and stuck his hands inside his hoodie, something he
always did when he was nervous. He was too tired to argue and already feeling
the loss of not having Dean by his side. Every time they were pulled apart he
felt so empty, and the thought of having to wait until the morning to see his
friend again made him ache inside. Castiel anxiously flexed his fingers inside
his pockets and forced himself to keep his mouth shut. He was more upset they
got found out and now he was scared his father would put a stop to them seeing
each other at all. Not that it would have made any difference. Nothing would
have prevented him from being with Dean. If he had to lie through his teeth to
make sure they could stay together, then so be it.
“Castiel.” His father sighed, shutting the door behind him. “I really don’t
know what you see in that boy, but if you’re so determined you want to be his
friend then that’s something I’m just going to have to accept.” Castiel waited
for some stupid condition he would probably have to agree to in return, but it
never came. He didn’t know his father was just playing for time until he could
be sure his son managed to get it out of his system, whatever it was. He didn’t
want to run the risk of Castiel taking off again. Alex had done enough police
interviews to last a lifetime, and couldn’t deny his son was a lot calmer since
they moved away from the city. “You may invite Dean over for supper tomorrow
night. I would like to get to know him better and see why you seem to like him
so much.” Alex added. There was something about that Winchester boy that put
him on edge, but he might have made a mistake. “I don’t know if I’m happy about
him staying overnight though, Castiel. Not until I’m sure.”
“Sure of what?” Castiel asked blankly. “That he’s not going to murder me in my
sleep?” He couldn’t understand why anyone would consider Dean to be a danger to
society, but he knew there were still many things he had to make up for. If he
didn’t go along with it, his father might really make them move again and the
thought of leaving Dean behind made him feel sick.
“Of course not. Don’t be so childish, Castiel. Now run along and wash up for
dinner. I have to get back to work.”
Alex sat down at his desk when he heard the study door click shut. He suspected
if he tried to keep the boys apart, they would most likely do the complete
opposite anyway. He wanted to believe their possessive attachment to each other
was just another teenage phase that would soon run its course. Then Dean
Winchester would be nothing but a fading memory. It was just basic psychology.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Hidden Agendas *****
9. Hidden Agendas
The computer screen sparked back into life. Alex Novak clicked on the last open
tab before he realized how late it was and had gone over to the Winchester
house to pick up Castiel. He couldn’t trust him anymore. He knew there were
seeds of disquiet growing underneath that perfectly normal surface he just
refused to think about. It was the running away that finally did it. Castiel
never once displayed any signs he would do anything else but grow up, go to
college, have a family. It was expected, and Castiel had known that for as long
as he could remember. He was still so young, with his whole life ahead of him.
The thought his son might never be able to control some potential desire to
take a mate filled his father with dread. No one in their right mind would want
their child to be mated to someone before they even got the chance to
experience life.
Alex already convinced himself he might be wrong. Castiel was just having a
difficult time dealing with the rush of all those treacherous hormones and the
pressure of having to live up to his father’s expectations. He started to show
all those warning signs when he turned thirteen a few months before. It was all
right there on the screen. It was like ticking boxes when Alex thought about
how much his son had changed since he was dangling over the precipice of
puberty. A list of canine traits – aggression, combative and uncontrollable
behaviour that was impossible to explain, and the need to try and find someone
to attach himself to. Everything that happened back in Peoria had scared his
mother so much she was worried for the younger children. After the accident,
Alex reluctantly made the decision to take Castiel out of state and leave the
rest of them behind for a while before anyone else got hurt. Castiel understood
it all even less than the rest of his family. His father never gave him a
reason for making him feel like he had somehow disgraced him. He was only
making a play for dominance so he could take on a role he didn’t even know
nature expected of him. All his father’s attempts to subdue him led to a spate
of defensive aggression that was so out of character, it was disturbing.
Castiel could never hope to make them understand why he spent so much time in
the shower - examining himself and trying desperately to figure out what was
happening to his body. Whenever he looked down, there was a hopeless confusion
that accompanied every tentative touch of the little swelling that had appeared
at the base of his dick. Everything that made him feel different and ashamed
got pushed to the back of his mind, struggling every day to pretend he was okay
so he might earn back some freedom.
Alex sighed and closed the tab, like ignoring it might somehow make it all go
away.
                                  ………. «» ……….
Dean went to bed about an hour after Castiel left. He still couldn’t bring
himself to summon up an appetite at all and lay on his bed for a long time,
willing himself to fall asleep so the morning would come more quickly. His
father saved the bollocking until Castiel had gone, and gave him a half-hour
lecture on what responsibility meant, and if he wanted to be treated like an
adult, then he better sure as hell start acting like one. The little soap-box
performance certainly hadn’t helped Dean feel any less sick, but the crippling
surge of heat that had torn through him earlier had finally faded. He was still
restless, so he forced himself to get up and push the window open to let in
some air before heading back to bed.
He must have drifted off eventually because it was dark when he opened his eyes
again. He was shuffling to get more comfortable when he heard someone calling
his name. It sounded too distant to be coming from inside the house, but it
disturbed him enough for him to sit up with a start and peer into the shadows.
He waited a few seconds before there was a sharp tap on the bedroom window. He
definitely hadn’t imagined that. Dean kicked off the covers and slipped out of
bed. The street was clothed in darkness and he had to narrow his eyes just to
be able to make out a few familiar shapes. He blinked a couple of times in
surprise when his gaze dropped below the open window.
“Cas?” Dean scrunched up his face and rubbed at one eye like he thought he
might be seeing things. “What the hell are you doin’?” Dean asked, turning back
for a second to squint at the clock while he pushed his fingers through his
hair until it was sticking out all over the place. “It’s two-thirty.”
“I know, I couldn’t sleep.” Castiel replied. Dean thought he looked almost
apologetic. Castiel was hoping Dean would be pleased to see him, but now he
wasn’t so sure. “I just wanted to see you.”
Dean bit into his lip, scanning the rest of the dark street with bleary eyes,
and trying to figure out why Castiel was hanging around outside his bedroom
window in the middle of the night.
“Shit, Cas.” Dean let out a rush of air. He couldn’t think of anything else to
say.
“Can I come in?”
“No.” Dean whispered, between his teeth. “Your dad would kill me if he knew
you’d sneaked out.”
“He’s fast asleep, I checked.”
That wasn’t really the point, but Dean was worried Castiel might wake up
someone else if he stood out there much longer, so he opened the window a
little more and put his arm out to reach down and help him climb through the
space.
“Alright. Come on then, but only for a minute. Sammy gets up to pee like every
hour and you can bet your sweet ass he’d break his neck to drop us in it.”
Castiel heaved his body through the window and landed on the floor with a
graceless thud. Dean shushed him while he helped him up and they fell onto the
bed, still breathless from the effort of hauling Castiel’s backside through a
ten inch gap. Dean was shaking his head. He just couldn’t stay mad at him.
“Seriously? What were you thinking?” He sighed at last.
Castiel was staring up at Dean like he was trying to work out his own answer to
that. It felt more like a compulsion than a conscious decision, and he was
relieved when Dean just laughed instead of waiting for a reason that would
probably never have come. They smiled awkwardly at each other for a few seconds
before those blue eyes opened wide when Castiel remembered something.
“Hey, guess what? My dad said I can invite you over tomorrow… today - well,
whatever.” He smiled again when Dean looked even more confused than he had when
he stuck his head out the window.
“Huh. I never thought he’d actually let me in the house. What did you say to
him? I thought he was mad my dad left us watching the beast.”
“Yeah.” Castiel said quietly, picking at his sleeve.
“He was mad, then. I thought he looked pissed when he dragged you away.”
“He’ll get over it.” Castiel shrugged. Dean didn’t think he had ever been quite
so obviously disinterested in his father’s opinion. He liked it.
“Wow. Cas, you little rebel.” Dean teased, starting to pull at Castiel's top.
He didn’t really know why he always felt the need to grab at him, but Castiel
didn’t seem to mind. His cheeks were glowing and Dean could feel the warmth
radiating from his body every time he moved. “Dude, take this off if you’re too
hot.” Castiel pushed himself up so he was sitting on his heels. He hesitated,
jerking the ends of his sleeves over his fingers. Dean sat up next to him and
rested the edge in his hands. “You don’t have to cover yourself up, not for
me.” He yanked it forward, and Castiel automatically lifted his arms so Dean
could manage to pull it free with a few well-placed tugs and a little grunt of
effort when it slipped over his head. “I mean it. You don’t have to hide.” Dean
smiled, turning around on his knees so they were facing each other. “Actually,
I kinda like it.”
“Really?” Castiel asked skeptically, one eyebrow tilted up in disbelief.
“Really.” Dean replied. He didn’t even have to think about that for a minute.
“I dunno… I guess it makes you special.”
Castiel gave Dean a little sideways smile. He suddenly looked very shy.
“Oh, it’s just these that make me special?”
“No, Cas. It’s not just that.” Dean felt himself colour up again when he
reached out to dare a light touch against the marks on Castiel’s shoulders.
Looking away now was damn near impossible. Dean could never stop himself from
being completely honest around Castiel, like he couldn’t lie to him. Dean
wanted his friend to know how much he liked him, even if he didn’t really know
why. He stubbornly ignored the little fluttering in his stomach whenever the
other boy leaned into him. It was a different feeling - something he never had
before. Dean snapped back to the moment when he suddenly realized he had both
hands smoothed around the curves of Castiel’s arms and had to force himself to
pull away. Dean reckoned that wasn’t the only reason why Castiel felt so
insecure. He didn’t understand why he was different. Dean didn’t care if his
friend wasn’t sure why he was made that way. It didn’t matter - he was just
Cas. “So why did you come over? 'Cause you couldn’t sleep?” Castiel leaned back
and propped himself up. Dean thought he looked like he was contemplating the
best way to phrase something he might not want to hear.
“I just like being near you.” Castiel whispered. If anyone else said that to
him, Dean might have found it a bit creepy but it was Cas, and that made a lot
of difference. Dean climbed over to his friend and pulled the sheet over their
legs to ward off the breeze still snaking in from outside. Castiel settled onto
his back and yawned. “I don’t know why.” He didn’t wait for Dean to say
anything in return. There wasn’t really much he could say to that. Castiel
sounded tired. His voice kept dipping in and out of pitch like he was trying to
stop himself from falling asleep. He kept talking anyway, and Dean wasn’t sure
he would have said anything else at all if he hadn’t been on the very edge of
consciousness. “You’re warm… and ’cause you always smell so good. I don’t
know.” Castiel turned over and breathed against the back of Dean’s neck while
they huddled together in the darkness.
“Cas.” Dean elbowed him in the ribs. “Don’t go to sleep. You gotta go home…
Cas?”
Castiel hummed softly in response, but made absolutely no attempt to move. Dean
could feel Castiel's chest heaving against his back where he was cuddled up
behind him. He knew Castiel had to get home before the morning but Dean just
didn’t have the heart to kick him out of bed. Castiel had finally found his
true mate. It didn’t seem to matter if it was coincidence or fate. It set off a
chain reaction inside him that couldn’t be stopped, releasing a storm of
chemicals that were sending him catapulting towards puberty. He was going to
present as an alpha and then Dean was really going to be in trouble.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Fallen *****
10. Fallen
Castiel was still pressed into the dip of Dean’s spine while the room gradually
flushed with morning light. Dean woke up suddenly in alarm when he realized it
was the glow of sunrise. They must have fallen asleep together while he was
trying to persuade his friend to go back home before they got caught. If Dean
was honest, he hadn’t tried all that hard. Castiel’s body was warm and soft,
the deep breaths against his skin giving Dean a comfort he had never known.
That security which had always been lacking without his mother there to settle
him down at night and protect him from everything that was wrong with the
world. John was far from perfect, and even at his best it was a different kind
of love. The summer drafts from outside had been blowing in all night, but the
air still felt heavy with a cloying thickness sticking to the back of Dean’s
throat. He leaned over and tried to shake Castiel awake. He just mumbled
something unintelligible and rolled over, taking most of the sheets with him.
“Cas… come on, man. You gotta go.”
Dean still didn’t think he sounded very convincing, but he knew his dad would
be up for work soon and they couldn’t chance being forcibly separated because
they refused to follow a few simple rules. God knows, there weren’t many and
his father was hardly ever there to actually make sure the boys did as they
were asked, but it wasn’t a risk Dean was willing to take. He already
experienced far too many explosive outbursts to piss him off any more than was
necessary.
Castiel found it practically impossible to drag himself away from Dean during
the night. He had been completely exhausted lately. His dad put it down to him
not being used to an abundance of fresh country air but it was much more than
that. All those changes inside him had happened so quickly, and now they were
both at the mercy of subconscious responses that couldn’t be controlled. Drops
of hormone-drenched musk had been leaking through Castiel’s pores while he
slept. It was already draining him, even without the impact of the ruts he
would have to deal with one day. Just something else that would ravage his
young body while he was preparing to present as an alpha. Dean inhaled a deep
breath when he pulled away and pushed himself up from the bed, drawing in the
same pervasive scent that had stimulated all those immature bursts of sweet
omega slick that had been set free in that one defining moment when they met.
Castiel slowly opened his eyes and rubbed the beads of sweat from his face.
Dean noticed he was still wearing all his clothes when he finally tried to get
out of bed.
“You know, you’re gonna end up passing out if you keep covered up all summer.”
Dean helped him to stand and made a half-hearted attempt at smoothing down his
top where it had been squashed up against him all night. “Why don’t you just
ditch it?”
“No.” Castiel shook his head. “I don’t want my dad to see it.”
Dean thought he looked sad. It would only give Alex another reason to think
there was something not quite right about him. Besides, that was something he
only shared with Dean, and Castiel wanted to keep it that way. It was their
little secret. Dean couldn’t think of anything to say that would make any of
that alright.
The boys had no idea that some alpha puppies displayed subtle changes in
pigmentation when they matured. It was just something else Castiel didn’t
understand and even though it would fade with time, for now it was another
crumb of battered confidence to feed his insecurity. Dean couldn’t help but
sympathize. He’d always felt so different from most of the other kids at
school, and some of them made a career out of making sure he remembered it.
Castiel stretched and yawned wide before he made his way back to the window.
Dean held on to his arm while he forced himself back through the gap.
“Come over at six, Dean. My dad said I gotta stay home all day.” Dean gave him
a nod. He just wanted to go back to bed. “Don’t be late.” Castiel called out,
before attempting a sorry combat roll across the front yard. Dean shook his
head with a smile when Castiel was practically bent double to stay out of sight
while he ran back across the road. Dean climbed back into bed and pulled in a
handful of the sheets that were wrapped around Castiel during the night. He
smothered them across his face and breathed in deep while he fell back to
sleep.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel stayed at home for the rest of the day. He knew Dean would be there
later, but those long hours spent waiting for him to arrive felt like an
eternity. His father insisted he spend the afternoon catching up on his studies
and made him agree to go into Hutchinson in the morning for some appointment he
didn’t elaborate on. Castiel couldn’t really deny him the request when he
agreed to let Dean come over for the evening. So, there were conditions to his
apparent change of heart as it turned out, but Castiel didn’t care. He didn’t
want to have a conversation with his father at all if he could help it, and at
least catching up on school work would take his mind off the relentless torment
of watching every minute tick by until he could see his friend again.
Dean kept himself busy until a quarter to before he couldn’t stand it any
longer. He splashed a handful of water over his face and smoothed down some
wayward tufts of hair so he looked a bit more presentable. Castiel was already
sitting by the window waiting for him, and he jumped up with a grin when he saw
Dean round the corner.
Alex gave him a much warmer greeting than he had before, but it was all just an
illusion. Within a few minutes, Dean was subjected to a relentless
interrogation that made him feel inadequate in more ways than he cared to
count. Alex asked him about his mother, his father’s job, how well educated he
was, and tried to explain why all those things should be more important to him
if he ever wanted to make anything out of his life with nothing more than a 2.4
GPA. Dean soon wished he hadn’t told him so much about himself and his family,
but Castiel’s father never let up for a second until he went to the other room
to fetch something. Dean didn’t like the look of anything that was put in front
of him and was scanning the pieces of cutlery at either side of his place,
hoping he didn’t pick up the wrong one. It was just more evidence Dean was
unlikely to ever carve out his own little niche in a civilized society, and
Alex had done it just to prove a point. He spared a smug glance at Castiel
before he wandered back to the kitchen, knowing it would be lost on someone
like Dean. Castiel felt his stomach drop and stared into his soup like he
wanted it to swallow him up. If he’d known how painful it was going to be and
what his father’s true intentions were, he never would have invited Dean over
in the first place. It was cruel and unnecessary, and in the end it only served
to make Castiel want to be with Dean even more. He vowed he would never let his
father do that to him again. He was watching Dean closely across the table and
could see him picking aimlessly at the contents of the bowl with the end of his
spoon.
“Dean, you don’t have to - ” He was cut short when Alex came back through and
set something else down that Dean wouldn’t have even dared a guess at
identifying. There was way too much green stuff staring back at him and he
chased it around the plate with his fork. He had no intention of eating any of
it, and the rest of the meal was spent in an awkward silence, broken only by a
merciless barrage of personal questions that Dean didn’t want to answer. He
endured it for almost an hour before he lied and told Castiel’s father he had
to go back to look after Sam. Castiel heard Dean thank his dad for inviting him
over before he let himself out. Castiel just watched helplessly when he closed
the door behind him.
Dean kicked miserably at the weeds in the driveway when he suddenly heard
Castiel call him back. He caught up to him just as he reached the end of the
path and thrust a bag of chips and half a packet of cookies against his chest.
Dean didn’t really want to take them but he couldn’t ignore the pains in his
stomach, or deny the pleading look in those eyes that were staring into his
own.
“I didn’t want you to go home hungry.”
Dean huffed a little laugh of gratitude and curled his hand around them.
“Thanks, Cas.”
“Dean, meet me down at the pond tomorrow afternoon when I get back from town.”
Castiel whispered, after sparing a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure
his dad couldn’t hear them. He tugged at Dean’s elbow when he turned back
round. “It’s the only place I feel safe where I know I won’t have my dad
breathing down my neck every five minutes.” He seemed much more agitated than
usual and Dean instinctively knew whatever he was moping about was probably
something to do with him, and the aftermath of the most disastrous dinner date
he ever had. That was actually the first and only time he had ever been invited
anywhere and Dean guessed he probably wouldn’t be asked again. Castiel’s father
seemed to take great pleasure in making him feel like he wasn’t even worthy to
sit at their table and he really hoped Cas didn’t think like that too.
He didn’t.
Castiel watched Dean go home, his head dropped low and one hand stuck deep in
his pocket. Castiel headed back inside and stared at his father with
disappointment.
“Why did you ask him over here if you just wanted to pull him to pieces?”
Castiel asked, through a gasp of air. He could feel tears of sympathy pricking
at his eyes.
“I wanted to see if he really is a suitable friend for you, Castiel.”
“He is.” Castiel answered bluntly. “You didn’t need to try and show him up just
to prove a point.”
“I didn’t have to show him up. He did that all on his own.”
“You don’t know him, Dad.” Castiel was almost shouting when the frustration was
close to spilling over into anger. “He is good for me. He makes me feel like
I’m fine just the way I am… and I know he’s going to make something of himself
one day.”
“I’m not sure that’s true.” Alex sighed.
“Yes it is.” Castiel didn’t like being called a liar, especially if it meant
Dean might then be guilty by association. It just wasn’t fair - he hadn’t done
anything wrong. Castiel suddenly felt very protective, like it was somehow his
duty to defend him. “There’s something very special about Dean, and that’s the
truth.”
“Your version of the truth, maybe.” Alex replied quietly. Castiel knew his
smile wasn’t genuine. He had obviously said all he was going to say about Dean
Winchester and started to clear away the table. Castiel inhaled a breath
through his nose and forced himself to stay quiet. There aren’t any versions of
the truth. That's the point.
                                  ………. «» ……….
Castiel got back from town just after lunch the next day and dropped his stuff
in the hall before running all the way down the path to see if Dean was already
waiting for him. He was still upset about what had happened earlier that
morning, but it was soon forgotten when he saw a familiar shape sitting by the
water. There would never be a right time to tell Dean he might have to go back
to Peoria, even if it was only for a little while. He knew Dean wouldn’t like
it and he really didn’t want anything to ruin such a beautiful afternoon.
“What’s the matter?” Dean asked, as soon as he turned around. He could see all
that pain as clearly as if someone had painted it on just for him.
“What do you mean?” Castiel tried, while he settled himself next to Dean on the
bank. He thought he might have been able to mask his sadness much better than
that, but apparently Dean could see right through him. “Nothing.”
“That right? Well, I call bullshit - you got that look, Cas.”
“What look?” Castiel frowned, still trying to hide his emotions. He’d had years
of practice in perfecting it, but Dean seemed to understand him in a way no one
else ever had. He would never be able to keep anything from him and Castiel
wasn’t sure he wanted to be so vulnerable.
Vulnerability meant you could get hurt.
“That look.” Dean said again, but that didn’t really help. Castiel ignored him.
“I’m so sorry about last night, Dean. I don’t know why my dad’s such a jerk
sometimes. He’s so full of it, always going on about trying to get me into a
decent school. Like I care about that when I’ve got the whole summer to look
forward to.” Dean was still unnaturally quiet. Castiel presumed his father had
upset him more than he let on, so he just attempted to fill in the silence by
making conversation. “What about you?” Castiel nudged him. “You miss anything
about school yet?” Dean just shook his head. Castiel knew Dean hated school. It
was such a stupid question he wondered why he asked it in the first place. “Not
even gym class?” Castiel suddenly looked serious. “Girls?”
“Nope.” Dean said with a shrug, his eyes fixed on the water. “I never really
been that interested in ‘em.”
Castiel didn’t see the point in lying, and he leaned into Dean and rested his
head on one shoulder. Dean never moved, but Castiel felt his breath hitch when
he rubbed his cheek against him.
“Me either.”
They had both spent so much time alone, it never occurred to either of them
until that moment they might have any romantic feelings for each other. Castiel
didn’t dare tell Dean he might not be in Haven very long after all, and that
was too heartbreaking to even think about. Castiel wanted to stay. He was much
more likely to reach reproductive maturity before either of them were fully
grown in any other sense, and his father didn’t seem to understand all his
restlessness had never been satisfied until he moved into that little town that
would shape his entire life. Alex missed the connection that every part of
Castiel’s dormant alpha had taken a new direction as soon as he met Dean. The
omega he was always meant to be with.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Scent Marking *****
11. Scent Marking
Castiel continued to stroke the side of his face against Dean’s shoulder and
down the top of his arm without even realizing what he was doing. It was gentle
and unassured, almost like something inside him was scared Dean might push him
away. That hidden desire to scent mark his mate suddenly surfaced without
warning and Castiel couldn’t have stopped himself even if he wanted to.
Something about the way Castiel said he had no interest in anybody else made
Dean wonder if there might be more to it. Dean never had a crush on anyone
before, so maybe that spark of fire in the pit of his belly every time Castiel
hummed against him just meant he was sickening for something. He had been
feeling pretty hot and dizzy lately, and it always seemed more intense whenever
he was near Cas. The sensation started to slowly move down his body and Dean
felt that familiar tightness deep inside that rushed through him just before he
spattered his bed the day after they met for the first time. He had to pull in
all his muscles as much as he could and force his body not to let that slippery
stuff drip out of him while Castiel was so close. He wouldn’t even know how to
start on trying to explain that one away.
“So what was so important you had to ditch me today?” Dean sighed at last. He
didn’t sulk very often, but he was still sore from the car wreck of a visit he
endured the night before and he didn’t like the idea of having to settle for
second best. He finally tilted his face down so he could watch Castiel snuggle
into the soft folds of his shirt. The unexpected intimacy of his touch didn’t
seem to bother Dean as much as what might have happened that morning. Why Alex
had seemed so insistent they take a trip into Hutchinson when they probably
didn’t know anyone in that part of the state was anybody’s guess. Dean figured
it must have been something serious by the concern that lined Castiel’s entire
face when he came running down the track.
“Dean.” Castiel whispered. Whatever impulse had driven him to rub up against
Dean like that seemed to have faded away again. “Please let’s talk about it
later… I can’t even.”
Dean just nodded and gently patted the back of his hand where it was resting on
the grass. Anything that might threaten to take his friend away made him want
to be sick. Maybe he was even a bit insulted Castiel didn’t want to share that
information with him.
They sat pressed against each other for a long time just staring out across the
pond. The boys were calmed by the beat of their little hearts while they pulsed
in sync with one another, lost in their own private thoughts. Castiel was
trying to forget about the conversation with his father he had to sit through
on the way home from their meeting and Dean was trying real hard to figure out
why he had a nervous flush of excitement when Castiel cuddled up to him. He’d
never wanted to be with anyone the way he did with Cas, but the hits just kept
on coming and he needed a distraction to get rid of the sinking feeling
something bad was going to happen. Dean forced all that away and pasted a smile
on his face when he looked down at his friend. Castiel always seemed happy when
they were at the pond. There was something so special about their secret little
place by the water. Somewhere they could just be together. Free to be who they
really wanted to be without the fear of anyone trying to tell them different.
Castiel made him whole in ways he couldn’t even describe. It gave Dean an idea
that managed to perk him up a bit.
“Hey, Cas… why don’t we come up with a name for this place?” Dean said
excitedly, suddenly jumping up before he wandered down to the edge of the bank,
his gaze resting on Castiel the whole time. Dean’s eyes were shining again. All
his dark thoughts were forgotten when he looked back into those wide blue
circles that always seemed to stare at him in wonder. “You know, make it our
own. Nobody else ever comes down here and we could even build a little hideout
outta sticks or somethin’.” Castiel was still worried about his future in
Haven, but Dean looked so happy at the thought of doing that just for them, he
couldn’t resist a soft smile when he watched Dean kick at the reeds lining the
waterfront. “Somethin’ just for us, Cas… like a code - so no one will know
about it ‘cept us. What do you think?” He asked. Castiel wasn’t used to having
his opinion valued in the least, but Dean was now looking at him expectantly
with one hand resting on his hip. The sunlight cast a golden aura around him
that made him look like he was glowing. He really was beautiful.
“I don’t know. Let me have a think about it.” Castiel shrugged, settling
himself back on the grass and propping his body up on both elbows. He couldn’t
think about anything else but the need to feel Dean’s warmth against him again
and he felt much braver now he knew Dean didn’t seem to mind him being so
openly affectionate. “Come here.”
Dean hesitated, just for a second. He wasn’t sure he would be able to resist
much more of that cheek rubbing without wanting to know exactly what it meant.
Dean slowly sat down behind him with his back wedged against a tree. He lifted
up both arms in surprise when Castiel suddenly shifted onto one side and lay
down beside him so he could rest his head on Dean’s legs. Castiel was desperate
for every little touch, every second he could spend with his friend in case he
had to leave him. Castiel didn’t think for one minute a few fading memories
could ever be enough to fill the Dean-shaped hole that would be left inside
him.
“You’re heavy.”
Castiel just laughed and closed his eyes so he could listen to the sound of
mayflies fluttering above them. The summer sun was warming their upturned faces
while Dean played with the dry grass under his hand. He aimlessly plucked a
daisy and twirled it around in his fingers before tucking it behind Castiel’s
ear with a little smile and stroking the stray locks of dark hair from his
face. He had so many plans about how he could spend those long sunny days down
at the pond with Castiel. They could come up with a name for it, maybe add bits
here and there to make it all their own. Dean remembered his dad usually kept
some scraps of wood and a few ancient cans of dried-out paint in the basement,
and Dean was pretty good with practical stuff - if he said so himself. He would
manage to knock something together as a surprise for Castiel in the morning.
                                  ………. «» ……….
Little Sammy was also making the most of the sunshine and had parked himself in
the front yard. John was happy to let him dig up the dirt with a stick while he
turned his attention back to his morning paper where it was still spread open
on the counter. He scanned the page in disbelief. He had spent the last few
days living in denial. There really was something very unsettling about the
recent activity splashed all over the news. It looked like some of the more
outspoken alphas wanted superior status to become widely accepted in all
states, but they had come across a lot more resistance than expected. Reports
suggested the rising support for omegas could change it all on the drop of a
dime and the whole thing seemed to be getting more serious by the day.
John folded the paper over with a sigh. He had suffered first-hand the draw of
an alpha in heat and it cost him something he never expected to lose. He hoped
to God he was wrong, but those growing suspicions there was more to his eldest
than met the eye just wouldn’t go away. Dean had always been a lonely child and
never really made much of an effort to fit in with other boys his age. He
started to change since he took up with that kid from the house on the corner,
and John wasn’t sure why that should bother him so much. New York was a long
way from the remote backdrop of the Kansas skyline, but some of the extremists
were dabbling in some hard-core shit. Violence and propaganda that was only a
step away from some warped form of persecution. John was getting worried that
one day all that simmering unrest was going to spill over into every part of
the country. Maybe he should have been pleased his son finally had someone to
hang out with. This other boy seemed to like his company, but it was the
emotional attachment that caused him the most concern. Attachments like that
could be dangerous, especially if he was right.
                                  ………. «» ……….
Long shadows started to creep out across the water and Dean knew it must be
getting late. They spent a listless afternoon just resting underneath the tree
and talking about some of the things they wanted to do with their summer
together. Castiel’s eyes were still half-closed while he bathed in the constant
hum surrounding them. He suddenly jerked up when he started to come round like
the sound had suddenly inspired him.
“I got it.”
“Huh?” Dean opened one eye. “Got what?” He was so comfortable just relaxing in
the sun, he had almost forgotten.
“What about dragonfly pond?”
“I like that.” Dean murmured. “Dragonfly pond it is.” He seemed happy he didn't
actually have to come up with anything himself, even though it had apparently
taken Castiel the whole afternoon to think of that. Dean really didn’t want to
leave, but he knew he hadn’t exactly impressed Alex the night before and would
be damned if he was going to give him another reason to think he was a waste of
space. “We should go, Cas.” Dean said thoughtfully. Castiel stirred in his lap,
but he didn’t even try to get up. The blissful comfort of Dean’s soft thighs
was a much greater temptation than the thought of going back home. Dean
eventually pulled his legs out from underneath Castiel and staggered to his
feet. He was stiff and numb from having his friend draped over him for so long.
He gave them both a quick shake to get the blood pumping again while he
wriggled his fingers towards Castiel in an attempt to get him up. “Come on, you
lazy little shit. Your dad will have my hide if you’re late again.”
“Well, how could I possibly resist when you put it like that?” Castiel smiled
up at him. Dean might have even imagined a little flick of those black lashes,
but the sun was in his eyes so he couldn’t be sure. Castiel lifted one arm and
let Dean pull him up by the hand. They still had their little fingers hooked
together when they headed slowly back across the long grass of the meadow. Dean
loved the warm feeling of contentment spreading through him whenever they
touched. It never seemed to matter what anyone else thought about them when
they were alone like that and he just curled his finger more tightly around
Castiel’s to steady him while he stumbled over the rough ground. He only
released it when they reached the slope at the end of the road.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Pond Dipping *****
12. Pond Dipping
Dean felt empty again as soon as they broke apart. He longed to reach out for
Castiel one more time, but had a feeling they would both stand there until the
sun went down if he didn’t make a determined effort to go home. Castiel must
have sensed it too, because he looked like he was waiting for Dean to say
something more before they went their separate ways for another day. He had his
bottom lip sucked into his mouth while he scuffed up some loose chips of
asphalt that had dried out in the sun.
“You been real quiet since we walked back - you alright?” Dean asked slowly,
cursing himself in his head for making an obvious statement and asking a
pointless question. He knew Cas wasn’t even close to alright about having to go
back home but nothing else ever seemed to matter when they were down at the
pond together. It was their own private haven where they could happily block
out the rest of the world and pretend like it didn’t exist. Dean didn’t really
want to go back either but they couldn’t stay down there all night, as much as
he liked the idea. Despondency settled on them both as soon as they stepped
back onto the street, like crossing an imaginary line that marked the boundary
between reality and their peaceful little sanctuary.
“I’m okay.” Castiel lied, trying to force a smile so Dean wouldn’t be worried
sick about him all night. Going home would mean he had to resume the
conversation with his father. Then Castiel would have to think about what he
could do to persuade his dad to stay. They already went to look around a
private high school that boasted a much better reputation than the local one
Dean attended, and if they rented a place nearer Hutchinson, they would be
closer to the behavioural therapist Alex deliberately made a point of
mentioning. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yeah, ‘course, Cas. 'Course you will.” Dean replied. Now it was Castiel’s turn
to make obvious statements apparently, but there was something else there in
the way his eyes flicked up to Dean like he was asking for reassurance rather
than a straight answer. That alone got Dean’s stomach churning with the same
sense of dread that shot down his spine earlier. He knew Castiel was still
holding something back, and Dean was too tired to deal with it after a long
afternoon in the sun. He needed to be up at the crack of dawn anyway to start
on the surprise he had planned for his friend, so he lifted up a weary hand in
farewell before turning to head home. He had to will himself not to turn back
and look at Castiel, one last time. Dean could almost feel those sharp eyes
cutting into his back when he walked away.
                                  ………. «» ……….
John was standing by the kitchen sink when he heard the back door swing open.
He gave Dean a sideways glance when he saw his shadow slink past him.
“You missed dinner… again.” John sniffed, trying to keep his hand steady so he
didn’t splash hot water all over the worktop while he poured out a cup of
coffee. “How’s Cas?” Dean stopped mid-step. His dad never asked him that
before. It was the first time he ever had the decency to actually use his name.
“Fine.” Dean said quietly. “He’s fine.” Caught somewhere between wanting to
move on and stopping to ask why John would even pretend to have the slightest
interest in Castiel’s welfare. Dean knew that was just a convenient precursor
to a much more awkward speech his father had probably been planning all
afternoon. He could feel his heart jump into his throat when John turned and
leaned his back against the counter, folding his arms over his chest the way he
always did when he was preparing for an interrogation.
“Dean, how much do you know about this boy, really?” There it was again. The
familiar clinical detachment that quickly resurfaced once he managed to get his
son’s attention. Dean had no intention of sharing anything about Castiel with
anyone.
“Dad… I really need to wash up and stuff.” Dean whined, jiggling from one foot
to the other in the hope his dad would put it down to some desperate need to
pee and just let him go. John eyed him up and down for a second before he took
in a deep breath and shook his head.
“Alright.” John sighed. “Go, but don’t think this conversation is over, boy.”
Dean only caught the last sentence before he hurried away down the hall. “I
want to know a bit more about that Castiel if you’re gonna spend so much time
with him.” Dean just shouted okay over his shoulder before taking a quick
shower and going straight to bed before he ran the risk of being cornered by
his dad again.
                                  ………. «» ……….
Dean got up early the next day, ignoring the dull ache in his stomach from yet
another evening skipping a meal. He just hadn’t had an appetite lately, which
should have been a red flag something inside him wasn’t quite right because he
used to practically inhale everything that was put in front of him. Most of his
waking hours were spent with Castiel and that was when nothing else mattered.
The summer heat was already starting to seep in through the open window, so
Dean dug out a pair of shorts from an over-stuffed drawer and wriggled into
them until they were hanging low on his hips.
He rummaged around in the basement and dragged everything he collected outside
into the back yard. Sam was watching him through the window for ages with his
nose pressed against the glass. Dean turned his back and completely ignored him
while he worked away for the best part of two hours before eventually standing
up to brush the sawdust from his fingers and admire his handiwork. He stacked
all the pieces of wood into a pile so he could carry them more easily and stuck
his tongue out at Sam before he left to go and meet Castiel down by the pond.
                                  ………. «» ……….
“Dean!” Castiel cried with delight, when he saw his friend coming down the
path. He managed to carry most of the planks by wedging them under his arms and
he had a tack hammer sticking out the top of his shorts. His back pocket was
full of rusty nails that jangled as he jogged towards the glade. “What’s that?
What have you been up to? Is that why you’re so late today?” Castiel bombarded
him with unanswered questions that spilled from his mouth in the excitement. He
stood up and ran to help him. “I wondered if you’d forgotten about me.” Castiel
added quietly, but Dean huffed a breath as if that was ever a possibility. He
would never forget that boy, no matter what happened.
“Yeah, well don’t get too excited, Hawkeye.” Dean smirked. He hadn’t called him
that since the day after they met. He knew Cas hadn’t really earned that
nickname for the right reason, but it just seemed to fit him somehow. Dean
couldn’t deny those keen eyes were the bluest he’d ever seen. Castiel just
tutted and gave him a playful tap on the arm. “Dean, I told you already. I’m
not from - ”
“Yeah, yeah. I know, but I like it so get over yourself.” Dean patted himself
down before reaching into his rear pocket to pull out a handful of nails. “I
could have called you somethin’ else.”
“True.”
“Here, make yourself useful.” Dean eventually revealed what he'd been carrying
and the look of pure joy on Castiel’s face made him preen all the way down to
his toes. Dean was so proud of himself for managing to make his friend smile so
wide. “You still gotta help me put it together. I couldn’t have carried it on
my own like that and…” Dean paused for a second when he realized what he was
about to say. “I wanted it to be a surprise - you know.” He blushed and kicked
at the grass. “For you.” Castiel studied the slats of timber Dean set down on
the bank. There were words carved roughly into the wood and Dean had chiselled
out a little stylized dragonfly on either side of the lettering. Castiel
clasped his hands together.
“It’s a sign for our pond.” He grinned. “It’s wonderful. Thank you, Dean.”
Castiel leaned forward, whispering the words against the side of his cheek. The
gentle caress of exhaled air sending another wave of heat through Dean’s body.
“It must have taken you ages.” Castiel reached down and gently traced his
finger round the deep curves of one letter.
“Nah, piece of pie.” Dean shrugged modestly. “Knocked it up in five minutes.”
“Liar.” Castiel gave him a shy blink while he helped to set the other pieces of
wood down in a heap at their feet. “Well I don’t care how long it took, I love
it.”
Dean left Castiel to decide where he wanted to put it while he ran back to the
house to fetch some paint and a few brushes to they could decorate it together.
Dean might have been good with his hands, but he imagined Castiel was much more
creative than he could ever be and Dean was more than happy to let him take
over the management of their little project. It would keep him busy and give
them something to do together to pass the day away. Dean was itching to ask
Castiel if his dad said anything more to him the night before. He was still
waiting for intel on their trip to town, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask
outright. If Cas wanted to tell him in his own time, then that would have to be
enough.
                                  ………. «» ……….
When Dean returned, Castiel had already set about trying to fix the posts in
place and was tapping some nails into one end to hold the two sections
together. When he saw Dean, his concentration slipped and he brought the hammer
down hard on his thumb by accident. He cursed and dropped everything so he
could wedge his throbbing hand inside his thighs to try and stop it from
hurting. Dean was by his side in an instant, his eyes frantic with concern. He
grabbed Castiel by the wrist and sucked the whole thumb into his mouth without
thinking. That was how you made things better. He remembered being little and
watching his mother when she used to pick Sammy up after a fall when he was
crying for her. He was so distracted by that one happy memory of her,
everything else was forgotten. It only lasted for a second, but that was long
enough to let some natural impulse take over before Dean had the presence of
mind to stop it.
Dean froze when he realized to his horror he hadn’t reacted quick enough this
time, and now he could feel the damp spreading through the back of his shorts.
Castiel’s eyes were wide when he tilted his head to one side in confusion. The
scent of unripe omega was overpowering and he felt something pulse between his
legs when he caught a full breath of slick-filled air. Dean panicked. That was
the last thing he expected while they were playing innocently on the grass and
he suddenly leapt up and did the only thing he could think of to hide his
little accident – he jumped into the water.
Castiel stared into the pond in astonishment, watching helplessly while he
waited for Dean to pop back up again but nothing happened. He had a sudden rush
of protectiveness when he wondered if Dean might actually be in trouble.
Castiel leaned over the side and scanned the depths in alarm for some sign of
him before he impulsively stripped off his top and plunged in after him. They
both resurfaced with a splash and Dean looked so shocked his friend had gone in
to save him, Castiel couldn’t hold back the laugh that was rising up inside
him. The water was actually only waist deep, and Castiel’s alpha marks looked
much clearer in the bright sunlight with the water glistening on his shoulders.
Dean studied them closely while Castiel fixed him with such an intense stare
Dean couldn’t hold back a fresh flood of slick that soaked right through his
shorts.
Something had definitely changed between them after that unexpected surge of
arousal. Dean found himself longing to be dominated by Castiel more than he
ever thought he would, without any real idea of why he wanted to please him so
badly. A natural reaction he no longer had any control over. Dean was staring
back in silence while they let the water lap against their thighs. Sometimes
Castiel seemed so different from that awkward boy who had hardly dared to peek
out from under his hood, let alone be able to draw Dean in by a single look
without the need for one word to pass between them. Dean settled his hands on
either side of the dip in Castiel’s waist to pull him a little closer. The
delicate shine in those beautiful eyes and the curve of those plump lips when
he smiled was reward enough for trying to make him happy.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Blue *****
13. Blue
Dean swept his tongue along the seam of his lips while he stared at Castiel’s
mouth. He was panting little gasps of air from the shock of sudden cold, breath
skimming over Dean’s skin and tempting him in. Dean never thought about kissing
anyone before, especially not another boy, but his heart was pounding when he
came dangerously close to leaning in just a little more. Castiel was almost
trembling under Dean’s fingertips and that definitely wasn’t from the chill of
the water. Dean’s gaze eventually dropped to the delicate patches of colour
that mesmerized him the first time he saw them. Now they were like a map across
his body and Dean was pretty sure they had spread since then. The marks across
his shoulders had thinned out a little but now there was a trail of darker skin
that ran down his chest and disappeared under the front of his shorts. Castiel
caught Dean following the line with his eyes.
“What you doing?”
“Nothin' - just looking.” Dean gave him a curved smile. “Not a crime, is it?”
Castiel swallowed hard, covering his body with his arms in a nervous gesture
that pulled at Dean’s heart. The impetuous decision to throw himself in after
Dean without thinking left Castiel exposed and vulnerable once the panic
subsided. His hoodie was still lying discarded on the bank, and now he couldn’t
hide.
“No.” Castiel whispered, eyes suddenly trained on the surface of the water
where it rippled between them. “It’s just… I don’t like - ” He couldn’t bring
himself to admit how much he hated the way he looked, but Dean stopped him with
a gentle stroke of his thumbs up and down Castiel’s sides before he had chance
to spill out all his insecurities.
“I already told you, Cas. I like it.” Dean said, reaching up to drag one finger
along the length of his arm. Castiel was completely still while Dean traced
along his curves and all the way down to his hand, slipping a wet fingertip
along the side of his palm. The air between them was charged with innocent
desire, intoxicating and terrifying. Dean knew once their lips met there could
be no going back and that scared him more than the thought of losing him
forever. They looked each other up and down, both laughing quietly when they
realized how ridiculous they must look. Castiel’s hair was hanging over his
face, water dripping from the ends and trickling down his nose. He still had no
idea what prompted the sudden leap into the pond and the scent of Dean’s slick
had almost washed away completely. Now he was soaked to the skin and standing
up to his ass in cold water. Castiel would want an explanation, and Dean’s mind
was working overtime to try and come up with something that wouldn’t be a lie.
He’d never been able to do that to Castiel. He deserved better.
Castiel pushed the damp hair from his eyes. He was still uncomfortable with
showing so much of his body but Dean seemed to like it and that was enough. He
finally let his hands fall back to his sides. Dean shook his head.
“Why did you jump in?”
“To save you, you idiot.” Castiel almost smacked him in frustration. The
instinct to protect had been so strong he hadn’t even had to think twice about
it, and he hated getting wet. “I thought you were drowning. Why the hell did
you throw yourself in the pond?”
Dean wasn’t sure Castiel could handle the truth when he didn’t really
understand what was happening to his own body. He wasn’t stupid. Dean knew that
stuff only slipped out of him without warning when Castiel had been staring
right into his eyes. Dean couldn’t tell him. The words stuck in his throat when
he opened his mouth, so he went off in a different direction.
“So you would have saved me then?” Dean grinned. “My hero.”
“Shut up.” Castiel replied, a pink flush spreading over his cheeks when he
noticed Dean still hadn’t looked away. He was starting to shiver and Dean knew
they had to get out of the water.
“Come on, Superman.” Dean laughed gently. He tugged at Castiel’s waist, fingers
still resting on the bottom of his back while he steered him towards the bank.
They climbed out with a bit of effort and lay down on the grass.
“You know that makes you Lois Lane, right?”
Dean didn’t reply, but Castiel was fairly certain he saw his mouth twitch. They
spent a few minutes in silence, taking in the warmth of the sun and getting
their breath back.
“Cas?” Dean ventured. “You know if there’s anythin’ on your mind, you can tell
me. I won’t be mad.”
Dean already held off about as long as he could stand for Castiel to tell him
what happened in Hutchinson and he wasn’t going to push it, but the not knowing
was driving him crazy. He didn’t have to wait very long. Castiel opened one eye
and glanced at him. He sighed and pushed himself up until he was sitting cross-
legged in the grass. He pulled his top back over his head and Dean could tell
by the look on his face he was finally ready to talk about it.
“You remember how I told you my dad wanted me to see someone in Peoria about
what happened at home?”
“Yeah.” Dean replied, turning onto his side so he could rest his head on one
hand. Castiel was fidgeting with the damp strands of hair at the base of his
neck and Dean knew him well enough to pick up on how much that upset him. “Some
psycho bullshit. So? You said you wouldn’t go. He can’t make you talk to
someone if you don’t want to, Cas.” Castiel licked his lips while he watched
Dean sit up. He shuffled over on his backside to the pile of stuff he brought
from the basement and started wrestling off one of the paint lids with the end
of his tack hammer. Dean’s perception of the world was always so black and
white. Shades of grey didn’t even enter into the equation. Castiel supposed
that was just how it was if you lived such a quiet life.
“Yes, he can.” Castiel sighed. Dean stopped what he was doing and looked up at
him from underneath a wet fringe. “Dean, you don’t understand. I’ve been trying
to put off telling you, but he’s gonna make me do what he wants by holding
something over me.”
“What do you mean?” Dean knew more was coming and he probably wasn’t going to
like it.
“He’s been talking about renting another place, but I told him I want to stay
here.”
“Okay.” Dean was starting to get nervous. That wasn’t something he really
expected, and the thought of Castiel leaving him now was unthinkable. He was
falling in love. Dean couldn’t imagine how much that would hurt.
“I’m scared if I don’t do what he asks, he’ll take me away from something I
really care about.” There was a heavy silence while Dean continued to blink
dumbly at him. He wanted to hear Castiel say it before he made himself look
like an idiot. “You, Dean.”
Dean suddenly stopped blinking and flushed all the way down his neck while he
fiddled with the lid, grateful he had something to do with his hands. It came
off with a clunk and Dean passed the paint to Castiel, not even realizing his
hand was shaking. It was almost the same blue as his eyes but it was pure
coincidence. Dean had just grabbed a couple of cans from the basement in his
hurry to get back to the pond. His long limbs were splayed out in the sun while
he tried to dry himself off and Castiel distracted himself by picking through
the brushes to find one he would actually be able to use. Dean knew exactly
what he meant. Castiel couldn’t take it back now, and he didn’t really want to.
Dean set the sign down in front of him before carrying the upturned lid over to
the pond to scoop up some water so he could wash out the brushes. Dean cuddled
up close to his side and hoped Castiel would just think it was so he could
watch him work. His chin was resting in the dip of Castiel's shoulder, the urge
to touch him again pushing out everything else.
“Cas.” Dean said quietly. “I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but just so you
know, I don’t want you to go.”
They both reached for the can at the same time. Castiel let out a nervous laugh
when their hands brushed against each other, but neither of them pulled away.
Dean still had the image in his head from the middle of the pond. That
beautiful boy with his eyes closed, shining mouth slightly parted when Dean
leaned in towards him. He curled the end of his finger over the top of
Castiel’s and scrunched up his nose. The sappy expression soon dissolved back
into soulful eye gazing when Castiel looked over his shoulder.
“I know.” He said thoughtfully, turning his head away again so Dean couldn’t
see his face. They were so close he could feel Dean’s chest heaving against his
back and the temptation to lean into it was almost impossible to ignore. “I
don’t want to leave either, Dean.” He looked so sad. “Anyways, come on. Let’s
get this finished so we can put it up later.”
Dean forced that delicious vision from his mind and helped his friend to give
the slats a subtle wash of blue before leaving them to dry in the heat of the
morning. He let Castiel pick out the lettering and the dragonflies with a
darker shade while he lay down next to him on the grass. Most of the morning
slipped away by the time it was almost finished and Castiel somehow managed to
end up being covered in paint and gain a couple of splinters. He moved to the
edge of the pond to wash his hands and dried them on the bank before crawling
back to Dean and dragging him up until he was sitting on his knees so he could
admire Castiel’s artwork.
“Not bad.” Dean nodded, his mouth dipped down at the corners. He could see
Castiel was trying not to smile when he saw Dean was actually impressed.
“So.” Castiel said, while he dusted down his hands and abandoned the whole idea
in favour of being wrapped around his friend again. He grabbed a handful of t-
shirt and pulled Dean towards him. “You got anything else planned for the rest
of the day?” Dean was about to shake his head but Castiel was looking up at him
through the cover of hair that had fallen over his eyes again and just for a
minute, Dean was lost. Something desperate rushed through him instead.
“Yeah, Cas.” Dean slinked both arms around Castiel’s shoulders so he could link
his hands behind his head. “I think I have.”
                                  ………. «» ……….
Sammy was so bored after only a few days into vacation he had to make his own
entertainment, and decided his covert mission was to keep at least one eye on
the other boys when he could spare it. He overheard the stilted conversation
between Dean and their dad the night before and even at the tender age of nine,
he knew there was much more to it than they made out. Nobody ever gave him
enough credit. He was pretty shrewd for a little kid, and he knew there was
just something about Castiel most people didn’t see. Some days he smelled funny
and had a habit of staring at Dean when he wasn’t looking. How he got his
brother to follow him around like a submissive lap dog when he had always been
so independent was a complete mystery.
John walked behind the couch and ruffled the top of Sam's hair when he walked
past him, the house phone attached to one ear. John had also been thinking hard
about some of the changes he noticed in Dean since Castiel moved in on the
corner and the news reports hadn’t exactly put his mind at rest. He might have
had a few suspicions Dean inherited a lot more from his mother than the colour
of his eyes. The boys were so young, John didn’t imagine there was much more to
it than a budding friendship, built on the fact neither of them quite fit in
anywhere else. He had no idea they were meant to be together.
Sam heard him talking to someone on the other end of the line about the day his
mother disappeared. There were a lot of long words he didn’t understand, and
something about the edge to John’s voice made him cold. He never spoke about
that day, and Sam hardly remembered her but he really didn’t want to listen to
his dad saying bad things about his mom. It just wasn’t right, no matter why
she left. Sam pretended to hone in on the TV and make out he hadn’t heard a
word of it. John finally hung up with a sigh. Maybe it was time to have a
little talk with Castiel’s father.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** First Kiss *****
14. First Kiss
John left his youngest son on the couch with the promise he would only be gone
a few minutes. Sam’s eyes were fixed on his back when he walked away. The
second he heard the door click shut he was up at the window, guessing his dad
was going over to the house on the corner to find out some information about
Castiel. Sam understood a lot more than he let on. John told Dean that
particular conversation was far from over, but he already left by the time his
dad was up and about. Sam knew Dean was hiding something. He watched his
brother making the sign in the back yard, but hadn’t been able to read the
lettering through the glass. Sam thought about following him to see where he
went every day, but he knew Dean would kill him if he caught him stalking them
to find out what they were up to. Considering how Castiel seemed to be all he
ever talked about, they were probably together.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Alex opened the door and seemed surprised to see Dean’s father standing on the
step.
“Hello. Winchester, right?”
“Yeah. You got a minute? I wanted to ask you something.”
Alex frowned at him. He knew the man was Dean’s father, so it wasn’t much of a
stretch to presume he wanted to talk about his son. He reluctantly pushed the
front door open to let him in. John never told the boys what happened with
their mother, but he always wondered if one of them might end up like her.
Nothing he could say would bring her back, and deep down he was still ashamed
she left them for a man he could never hope to compete with. They might have
had some ups and downs, but he never expected that. A girl he loved since high
school, someone who gave him children. John never knew the truth until that day
she walked away without even looking back. All the news about omega rights
brought back all the pain he tried so hard to forget. Now Dean was showing
disturbing signs he might one day find himself on the wrong side of a fight he
couldn’t hope to win. John never stood a chance at holding on to her. He wasn’t
an alpha, just an average Joe who worked nine to five and drank too much on the
weekends. He had no idea where to start, or even if Castiel’s father would be
prepared to listen to anything he had to say. He took a deep breath and
followed him inside anyway.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Winchester?”
“John.”
“John, yes.” Alex closed the door behind him and waited. John had such a
serious look on his face, there was no way in hell this was a social call. “Has
Castiel done something I should know about? I hardly see that boy lately. He
seems to spend more time at your house than he does at home.”
John shrugged.
“Well, I wouldn’t know. He hasn’t been by in a couple of days. Actually, I’m
here to talk about Dean.”
“Dean? Why would I know anything about him? He’s your son.” The tone of his
voice was cold and accusatory but John didn’t seem to notice. If he did, he
just didn’t care and made the decision to ignore it. Alex hadn’t forgotten he
left them on their own before, but that was unexpected. If the boys hadn’t been
playing at Dean’s house that made him even more curious about how they spent
their days. Alex was usually working alone in his study and knew they hadn’t
been back there together since the night he invited Dean for supper.
“Listen, Novak.”
“Alex.”
“Fine, Alex.” John replied bluntly, with a dismissive wave. He didn’t have the
time or inclination to engage in any superficial bullshit just for the sake of
it. “I know you prob’ly don’t rate me much, and that’s okay, but I need to know
if your son has said anything about Dean’s behaviour lately - anything at all.
He’s not been the same since he took up with your kid.”
“Sorry?”
“I don’t mean it like that.” John said quickly. He hadn’t exactly taken a shine
to the man, but he was prepared to tolerate him if Dean and Castiel were so
intent on being friends. John hesitated before he forced himself to voice the
one question he really wanted to ask. He swallowed his pride and prepared
himself for the response. “Do you know what’s been happenin’ up in New York
lately? It’s all over the news and stuff.” Alex nodded. He didn’t tell John he
was also researching alpha traits on the net to see if there was any chance
Castiel’s aggression had been a sign he was going to present as something no
one ever expected. He didn’t even want to think about his son having issues
like that. Why John Winchester would care about the politics of activist
extremists was beyond him. The fact he even kept up on current affairs at all
was more of a surprise. Alex got the impression he most likely only read the
cartoon strips on the back pages, if he bought a newspaper at all.
“I’m aware there have been some - ” He paused, not certain how much he should
share with a man he hardly knew and had even less respect for. “Problems,
between alphas and omegas recently. I don’t have much experience with either. I
believe my father’s brother may have been an alpha, but I never really knew
him. Not a subject I have any interest in.” He lied. “I don’t know much about
it.” Alpha and omega mating practices were just something that happened to
other people in remote parts of a world he had no intention of understanding
unless his hand was forced. John was watching him with a steady gaze that was
loaded with doubt. Alex was probably right though. He was reading too much into
it, had to be. The boys were just kids and everyone knew hormonal teenagers
were always a pain in the ass. The chances of Castiel being an alpha were so
small he didn’t know why the thought had even crossed his mind in the first
place.
“Yeah… yeah, me either.” John sighed, relieved Alex hadn’t shot him down
completely when he had come to his house and made implications there was
absolutely no basis for. He wasn’t even sure Dean was different, but the fear
of his son being cursed with the same legacy that took his mother away had
forced John to question what it was exactly that pulled those two boys so
fiercely together.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was suddenly dragged forward with a determined yank on his shirt. Seconds
passed like hours while they sat apart from each other with their noses almost
touching. He still had both arms wrapped around Castiel’s neck, stroking the
silky strands of hair when they brushed against his fingertips. Everything else
around him suddenly faded away when Castiel leaned in enough to mark him again,
and his young body betrayed him. Dean no longer cared about that dull pain in
the pit of his stomach. The need to have Castiel so close was more important
than having to sit in damp shorts. They might have only met a few days before,
but there was something about that boy that made him feel like nothing else
mattered. Castiel drew him in like a moth to a flame - a dangerous attraction
that was completely irresistible. Dean couldn’t quite place it, but Castiel’s
scent always reminded him of a home and family that were lost. He was comfort
and protection, like Dean used to have before his mother left and everything
changed. He’d never been particularly social, but his friendship with Castiel
was so effortlessly simple. He made him feel special, like he always understood
him somehow. That was something Dean never had before. Just being with Castiel
made him feel safe and warm, like they’d known each other forever.
Dean was trying real hard to forget about what Castiel said earlier. He
couldn’t stand to think about him leaving. They hardly spent a minute apart if
they could help it. Nothing was certain, and he knew his own father probably
disapproved of them spending so much time together, but he never explained why
so now Dean cared even less. His dad didn’t know Castiel like he did, and Dean
couldn’t imagine ever being without him. Since that moment in the water all he
could think about was the first touch against Castiel’s lips. Their roles had
already started to change as fresh hormones flowed through their blood with
each day that brought them closer to maturity and the dynamics of what they
were destined to become. He just didn’t have the spunk to do it.
Dean and Castiel couldn’t have known there were only a few true mates left in
the world. Society had changed so much when alphas and omegas failed to breed.
The beta gene had been completely wiped out many years ago. Nature would make
sure Dean and Castiel would never be taken or claimed by anyone else, and true
mates would always find each other. Castiel just made him happy, and that went
a long way in Dean’s book. The way he smelled when they were together, the way
his mouth would twitch into a fond smile when Dean let him cuddle up close, and
the way he always looked at him so intently with those piercing blue eyes, it
felt like Dean was the most important thing in the world.
Castiel could almost taste the hint of omega need pulsing out of Dean every
time he thought about what it might feel like to kiss someone. Castiel pushed
into Dean’s neck to rub against him again, but this time the little movements
over his skin were much more insistent and Dean could feel himself giving in to
the same want that came over him in the pond when they were staring longingly
at each other. Dean was scared to make that first move, but nothing about it
felt dirty or wrong. Castiel was breathing hard when he dragged his nose along
the curve of Dean’s neck. He had his head tipped to one side, angling his
throat to make it easier for his friend to get closer. Castiel sniffed at him
one last time and then stretched out his arms as far as they would go while he
held on to Dean’s shoulders. He just wanted to look at him. The sunlight
filtered out behind him and surrounded Dean with an ethereal wash of colour
that picked out the flecks of sandy gold in his hair. He looked almost good
enough to eat and Castiel couldn't resist the temptation to taste him.
He drank in hazy images of Dean that were etched into his memory. That lithe
body, his muscles flexing under an expanse of tanned skin when he moved and the
way his hips swayed when he walked. None of that compared to those green eyes
that filled his dreams and every one of his waking thoughts. Castiel didn’t
think he could ever want anyone the way he wanted Dean - to own him, and
possess him with so much intensity it made him weak inside.
They sat together almost suspended in time, like Castiel wanted to remember it
forever like a snapshot in his head. That moment when the natural instinct to
claim Dean as his own made him suddenly push himself up on his hands and dig
his fingertips into the top of Dean’s thighs to steady himself. He tilted his
head to press a gentle kiss on Dean’s lips while he stared down at them. Dean
hesitated, hypnotized by many rays of light as they danced on the water where
his eyes were drawn out across the pond. He tried to stay calm when Castiel
shut his eyes and bit into his lip while he waited for Dean to say something.
Castiel shivered, even though he was unbearably hot and flushed all the way
across both cheeks.
“I’m so sorry… I don’t know why I did that.”
Dean couldn’t believe how adorably awkward Castiel looked while he stumbled to
apologize. He only needed one single second to realize it wasn’t just a
friendship anymore. The feelings he had for that boy ran much deeper and Dean
surged forward to push his open mouth against Castiel with so much desperation
it took his breath away. Castiel’s hands were all over him as soon as Dean
returned a kiss neither of them knew how much they wanted until their mouths
were sliding against each other like it was the most natural thing in the
world. Dean made a small hum of contentment, moving his hands to the curve of
Castiel's ass to hold him close while both of them fell into that moment with
everything they had to give. Castiel eased Dean gently onto his back and
cradled his head in his hands on the grass while they shared another sweet
kiss, all innocence and inexperience.
Dean had no idea what he was doing but the touch of Castiel’s soft mouth
pressing down on him was breathtaking and he wanted so much more.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Bad Blood *****
15. Bad Blood
Dean eventually forced himself to pull away. Even then it was only because
Castiel didn’t seem to have any intention of letting him come up for air and
Dean had to wriggle back a bit so he could actually take a breath. He was still
on his back with Castiel wedged firmly between his thighs, both palms pressed
down against his chest. Dean felt the possessive grip of Castiel’s fingers
tighten in the folds of his shirt when his eyes slowly flicked up. He hadn’t
meant it to be quite so seductive, but it seemed to have the desired effect and
Castiel tasted the lingering sweetness on his mouth with a little dab of his
tongue.
“Still sorry, Cas?” Dean asked breathlessly, mouth ready to break into a smile
when he pushed himself up on his elbows. He was kind of hoping his friend might
dip down to take another kiss but he wasn’t sure Castiel had the nerve to do
that again.
“No.” Castiel replied, mouth twitching up at one corner like he was trying to
figure out if that was the answer his friend wanted to hear. Dean returned that
desire with so much enthusiasm, Castiel wasn’t feeling quite as insecure
anymore. Something just came over him when Dean was so close, and nothing could
have saved him from the draw of that honeyed slick. “I didn’t think for sure
you’d kiss me back but I couldn’t really help it. I just wanted it so bad when
you were looking at me like that.”
“That irresistible, am I?” Dean laughed under his breath, propping his body up
a bit more.
“No… well, yes.” Castiel stammered. “Are you sorry?” He asked quietly. Dean
might have had a sudden change of heart. Maybe he was just caught up in the
moment. Castiel didn’t even know it was in him to do something so reckless, but
that first touch of those soft omega lips on his own was so beautiful, he might
have happily spent the whole afternoon lying on top of Dean if he let him. The
silence that followed didn’t exactly fill him with confidence and now Dean
could see his smile starting to fade so he pinned Castiel between his knees and
reached around to give him a playful tap on the butt.
“Did it feel like I was sorry?”
Castiel shook his head.
“Not so much.”
“Well then.” Dean stole one more glance before his eyes fluttered shut. Trying
to recover from all those strange sensations crashing through his body. The
pull of want inside him seemed stronger than ever. “Don’t ask stupid
questions.”
Castiel gently lifted one hand to press their palms together with that same
childlike trust that was always shining out from deep inside him whenever he
was with his friend. Dean slid his hand into the spaces between Castiel’s
fingers and curled it round to help pull himself up. They had already started
to bond and were destined to be mated if only they could be left alone to let
nature take its course. Castiel had been driven by pure instinct when he tried
to mark him. Young alphas always produced a specific scent designed to attract
their perfect omega, and those premature bursts of loaded musk that were unique
to Castiel had already triggered an early release of hormones in Dean when
Castiel kissed him. The boys understood nothing about the desperate need they
had to be together or the longing they both felt when they were apart.
Castiel’s scent mark was designed to push Dean into presenting and had already
identified him as the one he would claim someday. His alpha body responded much
more willingly than he could ever hope to understand while he was still so
young. The knot was becoming more prominent every time Dean touched him, but
Castiel hadn’t dared mention it after his reaction last time. There was nothing
he could do to stop it. Castiel would be chasing after Dean like an untrained
puppy until he was mature enough to bite him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Alex listened to most of what John had to say, waiting for a more constructive
reason for just dropping in on him than suggesting Castiel act like some kind
of tracking device because John was never around long enough to talk to his own
kid about what he was going through. Alex would be the first to admit he knew
next to nothing about alpha types apart from what he read online, still in
denial when it came to accepting some of the signs Castiel had been showing
lately. The entire concept of omegas was one dip in the gene pool beyond the
limits of his understanding. He knew even less about them than he did about
alphas, and the divide was growing.
Dominant alpha groups were starting to come forward. Some of the proposals they
were suggesting were so morally wrong no one imagined they could ever happen.
Information was splashed all over the media. Some of them didn’t want omegas to
breed at all to stop them passing on their traits to the next generation, and
now there were no betas to even up the score. They targeted omegas with hate -
inferior, submissive knot sluts who didn’t deserve the same basic rights as
everyone else. They spewed their persecution under the banner of progress. To
some it felt more like society was taking a step back instead of forward. Alex
couldn’t imagine he might learn anything from someone like John Winchester.
Dean’s father didn’t really know any more than he did, and it wasn’t like it
was something Alex needed to worry about. That’s what therapy was for.
“Have you heard what they’re saying, though?” John insisted. Alex didn’t seem
to have any heart in him at all and there was something really wrong with that.
“They’re even talking about having some sort of registration program and
tagging them… like animals.” He shook his head. “It’s not right.” Alex couldn’t
understand how a man that usually reeked of day old Bud and left his sons home
alone on a regular basis had the balls to preach morality.
“What difference does it make?” Alex shrugged. “Why do you care?” John wasn’t
sure he heard him right, and searched the other man’s face in the hope of
seeing some flicker of emotion. There was nothing.
“Why wouldn’t I? What the hell kind of country are we living in where anyone
would think that was okay?” John couldn’t tell him the truth about why the
situation on the east coast bothered him so much.
“It won’t happen.”
“You don’t know that. It only takes one clueless asshole in a suit to make that
shit a reality. We don’t make the decisions here, Alex. No matter how much they
would like us to think so.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was still glowing when he walked back up to the house that afternoon.
Castiel reluctantly promised his dad he would be home just after one to discuss
what they were going to do about getting him into a new school in the fall.
They said goodbye to each other on the corner before heading back. Dean already
missed him. Castiel hadn’t mentioned that kiss again while they climbed back up
the slope, but it didn’t matter. Dean knew it was the beginning of something he
had been waiting all his young life for and he tried to hide a huge smile that
threatened to betray him when he poked his head through the back door and saw
Sam sitting at the counter. Dean could still taste his friend on his lips and
hoped Sam wouldn’t notice how full and pink they were from being attached to
Castiel for so long. Dean dipped his head when he walked past him.
“Alright, squirt?” Sam didn’t answer but he gave him his best glare. Dean
didn’t care. He was so happy he didn’t even think about tormenting his brother
with anything more and that was definitely a first. Nothing could have killed
that blissful moment for him. Nothing until Sam opened his mouth, anyway.
“Why do you smell like Castiel?”
“What? Shut up, man.” Dean snapped, trying to pretend that was such a stupid
thing to say it didn’t even deserve a response. He lifted up the front of his
shirt and inhaled. “No, I don’t.” Dean was so used to that scent he hadn’t
noticed he still stank of alpha musk. It reminded Sam more of wet dog but he
kept that inside his mouth while Dean distracted himself by messing around in
the cupboard to try and find something to eat. It was practically empty as
usual so he made do with a half-eaten jar of marshmallow fluff and reached over
to the drainer for a spoon. Dean ignored the beat of his heart when it started
to pound. No one had bothered to clue him in on the fact baby brothers were
apparently a lot more perceptive than they let on, but Sam had always managed
to hold on to some shred of naivety that never made it seem worthwhile to tell
a lie. “Why are you always on about Cas? He’s my friend, not yours.” Dean
added, with a pout. The very idea he would ever have to share that boy with
anyone else spawned a fierce jealousy that was dangerously close to obsession.
“’Cause I wanna come with. You and Cas are always together and I don’t have
anyone to play with out here and I’m bored. What do you do all day, anyways?”
“Nothin’.” Dean said blankly. There was no way in hell he was going to agree to
that, but he could feel his cheeks warm up at the memory of exactly what he’d
just been doing with Castiel. He was tempted to tell Sam about the little spot
he set up just to get him off his case. Honestly, they hadn’t really done a lot
of fishing lately and Dean didn’t want anyone else to go down there anyway.
Dragonfly pond was their special place and no one was ever going to take that
from him. “You’re not coming with us and that’s it. Me and Cas wanna be on our
own.”
Sam almost fell over himself to grab for that opportunity to get back at Dean
for saying no. He pretty much guessed there was something more going on between
Castiel and his brother. Sam didn’t even know what an alpha was or why they
bonded the way they had, but he really couldn’t resist the temptation to be
annoying. Dean never had something like that with anyone else and a light
suddenly flicked on in Sam’s head when he thought about how close those two had
become in such a short space of time.
“Why?” Sam dragged the word out like he knew more than he did. His voice got a
bit higher when he realized he might actually be on to something. “Is he your
boyfriend?” The jar slipped straight through Dean’s fingers and landed at his
feet with a thud. He was standing opposite Sam in a heartbeat and leaned in
surprisingly close.
“Why would you say that?”
Sam puffed out a bit of air and shrugged his shoulders.
“I dunno. You’re always pawing at each other… and you do smell like him, Dean.”
“Don’t you dare tell Dad.” Dean hissed, the panic suddenly rising up so fast he
wasn’t really hungry anymore. Sam stared back at him in silence, and Dean
thought that was so much worse. There was a sudden shift in power and they both
knew it. Dean was close to cursing him out for having the nerve to even say
something like that, but he managed to stop himself. He would be damned if he
was going to give his brother any more ammunition that could get him grounded
for the rest of his life. “Dude, I mean it. You say one word to him and I’ll
break your frickin’ neck.”
“No you won’t.”
“Try me.”
Sam sniffed like he didn’t care that much anyway and crossed his arms over his
chest.
“Fine. I won’t say anything.” Sam promised, and Dean sighed when he sagged
forward with relief. “If… you take me with you tomorrow.”
Dean was about to tell Sam to go screw himself but he was stopped short when
their father returned home.
“Dean, good. I’m glad you’re here.” John said, pushing the door closed. He
looked like he was trying to find the best way of starting a conversation he
never expected to have. “Sit down, please.” That was a warning sign right there
and it did nothing to calm Dean’s heart rate. His dad hardly ever called a
family meeting and he never asked nicely. Dean felt a breath catch in his
throat while he pulled out a stool and planted himself opposite his father.
John was attempting a pacifying smile that only made Dean even more nervous. “I
need to talk to you. There’s some stuff I should have told you a long time
ago.”
Sam was still watching Dean like a hawk, kicking his legs backwards and
forwards under the counter like he was just waiting for the perfect time to
strike if Dean ratted him out on his amateur attempt at blackmail.
“About what?” Dean asked quietly. He felt his stomach drop. John couldn’t seem
to look his son in the eyes and avoided Dean’s gaze by grabbing a beer from the
refrigerator and fumbling with the lid.
“Your mother, Dean. I need to tell you the truth about your mother.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Truth Hurts *****
16. Truth Hurts
Dean shuffled uneasily in his seat while John twisted off the bottle cap with a
sigh. A hundred different reasons could have gone through Dean’s head about why
his dad wanted to talk to him, but his mother was the last thing he expected.
He didn’t want to hear anything about his mom. Dean still had a lot of
abandonment issues over that and talking about her only made it hurt more.
“We don’t want to know, Dad.” Dean said, without even having to think about it.
He nudged Sam hard with his elbow for support, but he didn’t get any. “Do we?”
Dean couldn’t really expect his little brother to understand he didn’t want a
list of excuses about why she wasn’t there anymore. She must have been nothing
more than a fading memory to Sam, and probably meant about as much to him as
one of the old photographs of her his dad kept locked in a box on top of the
cupboard. Sam shrugged again.
“Depends.”
“No it doesn’t, Sammy.” Dean reached under the counter to grab the top of Sam’s
thighs to stop his legs from swinging. He was suddenly feeling painfully
vulnerable again and that had gone from being mildly annoying to almost
intolerable. Dean was sure he didn’t want to listen to anything his dad had to
say. It was so much easier to pretend he’d forgotten her.
“I wanna know, Dean.” Little round tears suddenly appeared in the corners of
Sam’s eyes when he pushed his brother’s hand away. “It’s mom.”
Dean clicked his tongue behind his teeth. He promised himself a long time ago
he would never let her make him cry and he sighed when Sam brushed the back of
his hand across his eyes.
“You don’t remember her anyway so stop being such a baby.”
“I do too.”
“No you don’t.”
Sam opened his mouth to argue some more but their dad put a stop to it by
bringing the bottle down hard.
“Boys.” John said harshly. His face soon softened when he spared his younger
son a smile of sympathy before taking a swig of beer. He wondered if he should
really say anything in front of him. It was Dean he needed to talk to but Sam
didn’t seem to have any intention of moving and it would have been cruel to
dismiss him. “This is about you, Dean, not Sam, and it’s important. You can
stay if you want, Sammy.” In one of his more sober moments recently he felt
guilty for keeping the truth from them for so long anyway. Now all this talk of
tagging and registration had made the decision for him. John took a deep breath
and hoped he was wrong. “This isn’t easy for me to talk about either, so try
not to make it harder than it needs to be.”
“Dad, I mean it.” Dean’s voice was quieter now. “I don’t care.” That wasn’t
completely true but he wasn’t going to admit it and soon realized all his
forced protests were a waste of time. Dean stared at his hands while he waited.
It was pointless bringing it all up now. She wasn’t coming back and nothing
anyone could say was going to change that. Before John could talk to them he
had to force his mind to dig out those long buried memories he had spent years
trying to erase. Most of it was hazy at best. Every year that passed since had
helped him to forget and a constant intake of alcohol had blurred the rest.
Mary had been heavily pregnant with Dean when they found that little house in
Haven. She fell in love with the place as soon as she stepped inside. She tried
to turn it into a home for them and John once believed they could build a life
together there. Mary had settled for John. He knew that from the start and
accepted it. He was never going to be able to reach up and give her the stars
but he had done his best to make her happy in his own way and everything was
perfect for a while. She looked after him and gave him the boys - two sons to
carry on his name. In those early days he couldn’t have been more proud. Life
had battered away at him since then and weathered him into the broken man Dean
and Sam were now watching expectantly over the surface of a peeling counter
top.
John sometimes wondered if Mary really understood why she felt the need to
leave them that day. He hadn't known she was an omega back then but had guessed
well enough since. Maybe she still didn’t. Not another word ever came from her
after she turned her back on him and walked away down Eighth Street with one
suitcase and no regrets. John had lived there all this time in the hope she
would come back to them one day. He couldn’t really afford the mortgage every
month and the back fence was falling apart, but he stayed. John had no doubt
her love for him had died a long time ago but he thought she might have cared
enough about the boys to check in on them once in a while. Now John was glad he
stayed for another reason. Even if Dean had inherited those omega traits from
his mother, Haven was a long way from New York. If the unthinkable ever
happened they would probably be safe there for a while. John had always known
Mary felt restless and isolated, like Dean before he met Castiel and everything
changed.
John remembered her differently now. The changes started just after Sam was
born, almost like she had done her job somehow and needed to move on. He
watched her spend hours just staring out of the window. Sometimes she paced the
floor at night like she was biding her time for something she didn’t even know
she was waiting for. He never imagined an alpha would come for her one day and
take her away from him. That pain had surfaced once again when he warned Dean
not to get too attached to someone while he was so young. His whole life still
stretched out in front of him, full of dreams and potential. Love can be
beautiful when it’s returned, but heartbreaking when it’s not. John didn’t
think it would be a good idea to tell the boys everything about her just yet
and he didn’t really know where to start.
“What do you remember, Dean?”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel was looking impatiently over his father’s shoulder while he watched him
flick through some of the pamphlets he picked up on their trip to Hutchinson.
There was a list of schools and some junior colleges in the county that were
offering summer classes for students who wanted to catch up on their studies or
get ahead for next year. Castiel felt like he was dying inside. Leaving Dean
would be impossible. Back in Peoria, Alex had promised his son he wouldn’t have
to go to therapy or talk about his behaviour if they moved to Haven for a
while. His dad had apparently changed his mind. Castiel always believed his
father was ashamed of him and didn’t care about anything he said. He just
wanted to go back outside and be with Dean, so he quickly dismissed almost
everything Alex suggested in the hope he would let him leave and make a
decision on his own. Nothing he said would have made any difference anyway. He
had point blank refused to go to the doctor because of his swelling knot and
the alpha marks that were slowly starting to cover his body. Alex eventually
got so frustrated with Castiel’s lack of interest, he flung the leaflets on his
desk and told him they would talk about it later when he decided to be more
helpful.
Alex only wanted his son to focus on something other than Dean Winchester and
not spend the summer wasting his time on a boy like that. Castiel didn’t need
to hear him say it but he knew it was only because he wanted him to do well in
life and grow up without the distractions of a pretty face. Castiel didn’t
think his father had a clue who that pretty face belonged to. Alex didn’t know
the boys had become so close and would never be able to understand the depth of
the bond that was growing between them.
                                 ………. «» ……….
“Not much.” Dean replied. Sometimes he thought about the way she used to ruffle
his hair and stroke his cheek when he walked past her. How she would always
blow him a kiss before turning off the bedroom light and closing the door
behind her. Dean lied when he said he couldn’t remember that much about her. He
could still almost smell her hair when he closed his eyes. Fresh summer flowers
and blueberry pie. “It was a long time ago, Dad. I don’t know what you want me
to say.” Sam was still fidgeting next to him and Dean just wanted to get the
whole sorry experience over with as soon as possible. All he could think about
was Castiel and how much he wanted to get back to him. John struggled with
turning the conversation in the direction he really wanted it to go but telling
Dean outright he could be an omega seemed a bit much for an opener.
“Have you felt different lately?” John asked, clearing his throat in
preparation for his next line. “Maybe noticed weird stuff happening to you?”
“Like what?” Dean asked, his eyes open in a fixed stare.
“Well, changes, you know… down there.” John nodded towards some imaginary point
under the counter.
“Dad.” Sam groaned. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to stay now. Talking about
his brother’s bits wasn’t exactly high on his list of priorities.
Dean shook his head. He knew he couldn’t hide the colour on his cheeks when he
thought about all the times he leaked on his sheets after a particularly nice
dream about Castiel. John tried a different route.
“You seen anything on the TV lately about the trouble in New York?”
Dean shook his head a second time. He was staring at his hands again.
“What’s any of that got to do with mom?”
John quickly glanced over at Sam to see if his eyes were still wet.
“She didn’t just up and go one day.” He admitted. “She left me for someone
else.” Dean’s head jerked back and Sam’s eyes filled up again. “I don’t think
she ever intended to leave you for so long.” John added quickly. He didn’t want
Sam to think it could have somehow been his fault. “There was just something
special about her, like those people on the news. Something in their blood,
Dean.” John hinted. “It makes them different.” Dean was frowning at his father
with his head dipped low. He failed to see what any of that had to do with his
mother or why he was missing out on all the sunshine outside.
“So? Nobody made her go. She just didn’t want to stay.”
“Dean.” John was trying his best to be patient. “Sometimes you just know when
you’re not with the person you were meant to be with. I wasn’t it for your
mother. The man who took her was special too, but in a different way.” The word
alpha was right on the end of his tongue but he was trying to go in gently the
first time. “Those people on TV like your mom - they don’t want to have to hide
anymore.” Dean didn’t understand the politics of anything his father was trying
to say. The only thought that registered in his head was that she couldn’t have
really loved him. “It wasn’t because she didn’t want to stay with you, Dean.
These people, these special types… sometimes they feel like they have to do
stuff they can’t really control and some of them have a kind of bond that other
people don’t see. Like the one they should be mated to, if you know what that
means.” John added quietly. “I don’t think your mom could help it.”
“I don’t care. If you love someone you should want to be with them.”
“I know, son.” John sighed. “But the person you love isn’t always the person
you were meant to be with. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” Dean replied blankly. He could feel the pain of betrayal pushing up
inside him. He forced the sadness to stay trapped just behind his eyes. “Can I
go now?” He wanted Castiel so badly, it hurt.
“Sure, kid.” John pretended not to notice Dean’s bottom lip was trembling. He
guessed he would have to finish that conversation another time and thought he'd
probably given Dean enough to think about for now. “But I want you to tell me
if anything happens. Anything at all, do you swear?”
Dean nodded and slipped out from under the counter. None of it really made a
lot of sense. Mating. Bonding. Words his dad had picked up from the paper, no
doubt. It meant nothing. Dean had no idea he already found his true mate and
their bond had started to grow from the second Castiel turned around and
blinked those blue eyes at him for the first time.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel had been perched on the window ledge in the attic for the best part of
an hour while he waited. That ache of longing that was always inside him when
Dean wasn’t there had him pressed up as close to the glass as he could possibly
be without actually falling out onto the driveway. As soon as he saw his friend
come pelting up the street, Castiel was running down the stairs and out the
front door. He gave Dean a huge smile and lifted up one hand to wave at him but
Dean didn’t seem to be slowing down at all and he ran straight for Castiel and
threw his arms around his neck while he sobbed into his shoulder. Dean had
saved his tears until he had Castiel wrapped around him again and they flooded
out in a rush of emotion as soon as their bodies touched. Castiel curled his
arms around Dean’s back to comfort him. He had no idea why he was so upset but
it didn’t matter. He was already starting to take on the role of that dominant
alpha, protecting and caring for Dean when all he needed was to feel Castiel’s
warmth spreading through him more than he ever wanted anything before.
“My dad just told me the truth about why my mom left… and now you might have to
go back home. I don’t wanna think about it, Cas - you don’t know what that
would do to me.” Dean finally broke down completely, the promise he made to
himself forgotten. “Why do people I care about always leave me?” Dean wept into
the dip of Castiel’s shoulder until his shirt was soaked with spent tears, and
it made Castiel want to cry right there with him. “Don’t make me lose you,
too.” Dean held on to his friend so tightly he had to tip his chin up just to
take a gasp of air. He needed the reassurance only Castiel could give him. He
was everything. “We’ll always stay together, right?” Dean mumbled softly,
lifting his face and rubbing at Castiel’s skin with a damp cheek.
“Yes, Dean.” Castiel whispered, inhaling as much of that boy as he could while
he stroked his fingers through his hair to calm him. “Always.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Fear *****
17. Fear
Dean cried so much he was still desperate for air but Castiel didn’t seem to
want to let go of him at all.
“You promise?” He mouthed against Castiel’s shoulder. “You promise me, Cas.”
“I promise, Dean.”
Castiel knew in his heart he might have to break that one day but his friend
really needed to hear it. He loved the way Dean took comfort in the softness of
his body when it pushed against him. It made Castiel want to hold on to him
forever. If there was a way he could keep that promise - he would. Dean’s tears
suddenly set free some primal need to take away all the sadness that was now
evident on both cheeks. Castiel took Dean’s face in his hands and stroked his
thumb across the line of his jaw while he hushed him, leaning in more with
every gentle caress until their mouths were almost touching again.
Castiel pressed a few tentative kisses to Dean’s lips but they soon became more
insistent when he made no attempt to pull away. Dean wanted to give in to that
feeling so completely they were soon sharing another breathless kiss that was
all frantic gasps and spit. Castiel tried to drag him even closer but Dean had
a sudden swell of panic when he realized anyone might see them making out right
there in the middle of the driveway. He impulsively reached down and wrapped
his fingers around Castiel’s wrist, pulling him along behind while they
stumbled round the back of the houses and squeezed through the line of trees
that marked the end of the street. They didn’t stop until they were standing by
the side of the pond. Castiel was so worked up by that last kiss, he
practically manhandled Dean over the long grass until his back bumped up
against one of the white oaks. He let out another rush of air in surprise at
the impact.
Dean slid down the rough bark and landed on his ass with his legs splayed open
while Castiel forced his body in between Dean’s thighs like he wanted to
smother him with affection. Every touch tempered the sting of his father’s
words and Dean just wanted that pain to go away so he let Castiel move against
him and suck at the skin of his neck while he smoothed his hands around Dean’s
waist, reaching behind him to push their hips together. Dean was powerless
beneath him when Castiel started to shift along the length of his body with
little dry ruts he couldn’t control, driven by the pure instinct to try and
push Dean into presenting so he could claim him. That wasn’t going to happen
while they were both so young. Castiel hadn’t really managed anything more than
a clumsy attempt in trying to establish Dean to be sexually submissive to him.
“Cas… what you doin’?” Dean asked innocently, watching the movement of
Castiel’s hand when he reached down to palm the front of his shorts. He only
managed to stop touching himself when he realized Dean was staring up at him
with wide eyes.
“What?” Castiel’s mouth dropped open slightly when he glanced down between
their two bodies and made a little noise in his throat. “Nothing.” He
whispered, turning his face away. That strange bump he had tried hard to hide
felt like it was stretching the skin so tightly he could feel it start to push
against the inside of his thighs. Castiel had no idea what an alpha knot was
and actually looked more surprised than Dean did when he finally sat up and
rested his butt on his heels.
“You okay?” Dean was panting hard with the force of that last kiss, his own
inexperience completely dominated by his alpha. Castiel nodded, but he wasn't
sure he really was okay. Neither of them had fully presented and their bodies
were still too immature to be mated. Their bond could only be satisfied when
Castiel could knot Dean properly. Claim him as a fully developed alpha as soon
as his young body managed to catch up with the rest of his budding libido.
Castiel’s nips against his throat had become so forceful, Dean didn’t think he
even realized what he was doing.
They collapsed next to each other on the grass after Castiel finally released
Dean, shifting over on to his stomach to hide the obvious. The dying heat of
the air around them was nothing compared to the fire they both felt deep inside
after those frantic kisses Castiel covered Dean with when he was trying to calm
him. He longed to hold Dean again, but he knew his touches were getting more
desperate. The kiss they just shared had almost pushed him over the edge of
self-control. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Dean shitless and
Castiel didn’t think he would have been able to stop at all if his friend
hadn’t been looking up at him like that.
They hadn’t said more than a few words since Dean fell into his arms, their
time together completely taken over by some physical need to constantly touch
each other. Castiel moved onto one side and carefully wrapped his legs across
the top of Dean’s thighs to drag him closer. He tried to stop his heart from
fluttering like it was going to burst right out of him. He soon settled one arm
over the curve of Dean’s hip and leaned back a little more so he could look at
his friend without everything being so blurry when he was up that close. His
heart melted when he could still see the clouded lines of dried tears on Dean’s
cheeks. He looked so lost when he dragged one hand down his face to try and rub
the marks away.
“Dean, it’s alright to cry.” Castiel lifted one arm a bit higher and curled his
hand around Dean’s waist to give him some kind of comfort without having to be
so near to him he might be in danger of losing control again. So many things
were happening inside his body it was damn near impossible not to touch him.
“I tried so hard not to, Cas. I really did.”
“Why?” Castiel breathed. “There’s nothing wrong with tears, Dean. They mean you
care.”
“I don’t wanna care.” Dean gave him a meaningful glance only Castiel would
understand. He was used to having to hide how he felt inside too. “If you don’t
care, it doesn’t hurt so bad.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Castiel asked gently. Dean still looked like he
was on the edge of tears that might spill out again at any minute, and he hated
to see Dean cry.
He should be happy. He deserved to be happy.
Dean shook his head and Castiel wondered if he really did want to be touched
quite so much. He couldn’t have helped himself anyway but it felt like he
should say something. Dean wasn’t usually that quiet and Castiel couldn’t stop
all the insecurity from rising up again. He hoped it was the talk with his
father that had made him so distant and not the sudden rush of all that
physical contact. They were both so new at exploring each other's bodies and
the temptation to go beyond a gentle kiss was burning in the pit of Castiel’s
stomach with every new day that brought him closer to presenting as an alpha.
“I’m so sorry, Dean. I don’t know why I keep doing things like that.” It was
getting much harder to stop himself from reaching out to grab that boy.
“It’s okay, Cas. I thought it was kinda obvious how much I like it when you
touch me like that.” Dean never imagined making out with anyone would leave him
feeling so warm inside. Every single kiss was like a life breath that filled
every lonely corner of his soul. “I just don’t know if I want to talk about her
yet. I need some time to try and get my head round some of the things my dad
was hinting at.”
“Like what?”
“All that stuff about those people on the news and that. I just kept quiet and
pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about.” Dean admitted. “Sammy was
right there, an’ all. I didn’t think it was fair to say anything in front of
him. He wouldn’t understand.”
“I thought you said he told you what happened to your mom.”
“He did, but there was more to it, I think. Like he was trying to tell me she
might be one of them. He didn’t actually come straight out and say he thought
she might have given whatever she has to me, but I know what he meant just by
the way he looked at me. He said it was like a code in their blood that can get
passed on or somethin’.” Dean dismissed it just as easily as he did when he was
talking to his father.
“Right.” Castiel nodded thoughtfully, but he didn’t really have any more
understanding about alpha and omega mating than Dean did. They were just words.
“I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.” Dean smiled at
him. He didn’t say that just being there with him was enough, but he hoped
Castiel could see it in his eyes anyway. “I can’t even pretend to know what
that's like. I know I haven’t seen my own mom lately but I still have memories
of her. I know she’s there if I really need her. Do you remember much about
yours?”
“Yeah. I told my dad I didn’t, but I do, Cas. I remember everything. She was
the only one I ever felt close to.” Dean never said that out loud before, and
that just made it hurt more than when it was locked away inside his head.
“Before you, anyways.” Dean added. He leaned over to cuddle into Castiel where
he was now lying on his back and staring up at the sky. The sunlight had
started to fade away and Dean seemed unusually restless when he sensed another
day was coming to an end. “Sometimes memories aren't enough.” Dean hesitated
and licked his lips with a nervous little flick of his tongue. “I’m really
scared, Cas.”
“Scared? About what?"
“I’m scared you’ll have to go home and then you’ll forget all about me.”
"Never.” Castiel replied, scrunching up his nose at such a ridiculous
suggestion. His blue eyes were smiling. “I don’t care what anyone says... all I
want is to be here with you so we can live like this forever. Just you and me,
Dean.”
“I’d like that. We can stay here together and do whatever we want - we can be
free.”
“Like the dragonflies.”
“Yeah, Cas.” Dean smiled fondly at him before turning his dreamy gaze towards
the gentle flit of insects when they moved across the surface of the pond.
“Just like the dragonflies.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam tailed Dean like a shadow as soon as he walked through the back door. All
traces of his distress were now wiped away and Dean knew Sam was dying to
pester him about tagging along when he met up with Castiel in the morning. Not
so much in words while John was there, but every little knowing smile was
another loaded hint he would sing like a bird to their dad about the boys being
a lot closer than anyone thought if he reneged on a deal Dean hadn’t actually
agreed to yet. He never technically admitted there was more to their friendship
than swapping comic books and hanging out together in the summer sunshine, but
he hadn’t denied it either and Sam saw the flush on Dean's cheeks when he bent
down to pick up the upturned marshmallow jar when it landed between his feet.
Dean wasn’t going to let anyone in on their special place, especially his snot-
nosed kid brother. He had to get hold of Castiel somehow and tell him they
couldn’t meet down at the pond the next day. Dean wasn’t sure how his father
would react to the revelation he was falling for another boy and didn’t dare
risk Sam dobbing him in just yet, so Dean decided they would have to find
somewhere else to take him.
He waited until just after midnight to sneak out. His eyes were heavy with
sleep but he forced them to stay open long enough to make sure the house was
quiet. He was pretty certain his dad was asleep. Sam had crashed on the sofa
hours ago and Dean covered him with a blanket and left him there. The TV was
still stuck on the news channel and Dean’s heart sank. Sam must have been
watching it and hoping it might help him understand some of the things John
told them. Dean was used to having to settle Sam down most nights but he was
getting too big to carry lately and he looked so peaceful he didn’t have the
heart to wake him. Being annoying as hell always came with little brother
territory but sometimes Dean felt very sorry for him. Sam would never know
their mother now and at least Dean had some fading memories to hold on to.
Nothing John said made it any easier to understand why she had left him.
Maybe he was just like her and one day he would have to choose between the two
people he loved most.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** White Lies *****
18. White Lies
Dean managed to sneak out the back door without disturbing Sam. All he could
think about was getting back to Castiel. The fresh night air swept through his
hair as soon as he stepped outside and glanced down the end of the street. A
stream of light flowing out through the attic window gave him some hope Castiel
was still awake, even though it was getting really late. Dean never suspected
his friend shared the same feelings of longing whenever they were apart and
couldn’t imagine how empty Castiel felt without the touch of that supple omega
body pressing up against him. He only ever fell asleep lately when he couldn’t
hold his eyes open anymore.
Dean let a smile spread across his face at the thought of seeing that boy
again, a little thrill of anticipation vibrating up his spine and making his
whole body tingle. It looked like the rest of the house was in darkness but
even the threat of Castiel’s father couldn’t dampen his desire to follow the
shadows up the path until he was standing just underneath the annex where it
jutted out above the garage door. Dean picked up a stray pebble and launched it
at the window. He heard a clink and knew it found its mark, but he called out
anyway.
“Cas?” Dean whispered his name as loud as he dared, offering a shy wave when a
welcome sight finally appeared above him. Dean’s smile grew wide when he saw
that adorable face delicately framed by the little square of glass. Castiel
looked sleepy and his hair was even messier than usual, but Dean never thought
he looked anything less than perfect.
“Dean?” Castiel seemed surprised to see his friend loitering underneath his
bedroom window in the middle of the night but he managed to keep his voice
quiet in case his father heard them. “What’s the matter?”
“I need to talk to you.” Dean replied, his eyes shining from the reflection of
lamp light. “Can you come down?”
“What?” Castiel was squinting hard at him, not sure if he might have actually
been imagining Dean standing there. He had so many dreams about him it was
getting harder to separate his fantasies from reality. He didn’t really think
about anything else anymore. Dean had his head tipped back when he reached up
for Castiel, even though it was too high for them to be able to touch their
fingertips together. “Are you serious?”
“Cas… just come down.” Dean lifted both arms a bit higher and wiggled his
fingers in the hope the promise of a warm hug might be enough to tempt him onto
the ledge. The pleading look in those green eyes was all the incentive Castiel
needed. He didn’t give it another thought when he pushed the window open enough
to be able to force most of his body through the widening gap. Dean was the
most important thing in the world to him and if he had to throw himself off the
roof to be with him again, it was a small price to pay to land in those waiting
arms. Castiel manoeuvred himself through the space and landed on the tiles
below. He sized up the distance between the roof and Dean before sliding down
most of the way on his ass until his bare feet were dangling over the
drainpipe.
“Ready?”
“Always.” Dean smiled up at him. “I won’t let you fall, Cas. I promise.”
Castiel trusted Dean more than anyone else in his life, and he pushed himself
over to the edge and jumped off. Their bodies collided with a thud when he
landed on top of his friend. Castiel soon steadied himself against Dean’s chest
and blinked at him in the dark.
“Hi.”
Dean was still holding on to Castiel more tightly than he really needed to now
he was firmly on the ground but Castiel didn’t seem to mind. He brushed himself
off without even looking down. His eyes were already watching the movement of
Dean’s lips when he spoke again.
“Hi, Cas.”
“So what was so important I had to risk a broken neck just to talk to you?”
“Complainin’?”
“No.”
Dean laughed and shook his head.
“I didn’t know if you’d still be up, to be honest.”
“I don’t sleep much lately.” Castiel answered quietly. He had a suspicion it
was because his bed seemed so cold and empty now the pain of loneliness kept
him awake at night. Knowing Dean was only two hundred feet away but it felt
more like a million miles when they were apart.
“Me either.”
Castiel looked up at Dean with the same hopeful expression that was staring
right back at him.
“Let’s get out of the light.” Castiel whispered, dragging Dean into the shadows
at the side of the house by grabbing a handful of t-shirt. “My dad might hear
us. I don’t wanna wake him up.”
“No arguments here.” Dean tried to hold back another smile when he realized
that would probably be the least of their worries if they got caught. “He
scares the crap outta me. Besides, I think he’d tear me a new one if he knew
how much I want to kiss you right now.”
“You do, huh?” Castiel’s natural instincts were always playing with his
emotions. His thoughts constantly flickered from the desperate want of physical
contact to the hesitancy that sometimes showed through his developing dominance
until all Dean could see behind his eyes was that lost little boy again. Dean
nodded and licked his bottom lip like the memory had brought back all the
desire to do that again. They hadn’t done much more than share a few wet and
uncoordinated attempts at tasting each other and Dean felt another shiver
inside him when he wondered what it would feel like to put his tongue in
Castiel’s mouth.
“Yeah, I do.” Castiel could feel the heat of Dean’s breath against his cooling
skin when he moved closer. He suddenly came over very cold once he left the
safety of his bedroom, but he couldn’t think of a better way of trying to warm
up.
They stood underneath the stars in silence just staring at each other while the
moonlight dripped over the contours of their young bodies. The quiet street was
so different from the perpetual drone of beating wings that usually accompanied
their daily visits to the pond. Dean couldn’t forget how Castiel swore they
would stay together. He forced himself not to say anything and spoil the moment
but he was going to do his best to hold his friend to that promise. Castiel was
the only one who ever made him feel like he was worth something and Dean didn’t
imagine he could ever live without him now. He wanted so much to believe
everything would be okay if they could just hold on to each other until they
were grown. Then they would have enough freedom to stay together no matter what
anyone else thought.
He seemed to be waiting for Castiel to make a move on him again. Dean knew what
he wanted, but he was almost reluctant to take it - that innate obedience
pushing through all the bravado he adopted after being abandoned by his mother
to stop him from getting hurt again. Castiel wasn’t taken in by it for a minute
and eagerly accepted the role nature expected when he took Dean’s face in his
hands and kissed him forcefully on the mouth.
“I don’t care what my father says anymore.” Castiel said breathlessly. He eased
Dean back against the wall at the side of the house and pushed his hips forward
to hold him there. Dean could feel that familiar wetness between his legs.
Castiel didn't seem to realize why he needed to inhale as much of that slick as
he could before finally letting Dean go. “He always thinks I’ve done something
wrong anyway, so I may as well actually give him a reason to be disappointed in
me.”
“Cas. I’m sure he doesn’t think that way about you. Me, yeah.” Dean forced a
laugh. “But not you.”
“He really does, Dean.” Castiel replied sadly. “But it doesn’t matter now I
have you.” He smiled. “I used to want to know why he hates me so bad but I gave
up asking a long time ago.”
“S’that why you kept running away?” Dean asked, without thinking about how he
might have touched a nerve. He didn’t expect Castiel to be quite so sensitive
about it and Dean hadn’t even attempted to sugar coat it. Castiel didn’t seem
to want to talk about it all that much.
“It wasn’t just that. I don’t really know what I was thinking, Dean. It felt
like something was always pulling me away.”
“I know what you mean. Nothing was ever right ‘til I met you.”
“It’s weird how we both felt so alone without each other.” Castiel sighed. He
suddenly looked very serious. “I mean like fate weird, dontcha think?”
“I guess.” Dean couldn’t deny he liked to think their lives were woven together
somehow. It might have just been a coincidence, but it made him feel much
better about their future together knowing maybe they really were meant to be.
“I don’t know how else to explain it. I never seem to be able to keep my hands
to myself when I’m near you. I just wanna touch you all the time ‘cause it
makes all the bad stuff in my head go away.” Castiel still couldn’t really
define why he was so infatuated with Dean. He just completed him in ways no one
else would ever be able to understand. He was much closer to presenting than
Dean, and it intensified all those grown-up desires that had never been given a
second thought before he scented his omega for the first time. Dean was
watching him in silence. He had no idea what to say to that. “I just can’t
think about anything else but you lately.” Castiel was breathing heavily when
he leaned in to rub the tip of his nose into the dip of Dean’s shoulder.
Sometimes it didn’t feel like he was just shy of fourteen when those carnal
urges kept telling him to do something else to Dean that he knew he shouldn’t.
“You don’t know what you do to me.”
Dean laughed quietly and let Castiel slip one hand down the back of his pants.
“I know what my dad will do to you.”
Castiel had been growing very assertive when it came to showing Dean how much
he wanted to touch him, but the sting of uncertainty Dean’s father might not
accept it was all too real.
“You don’t think he would want us to be together?” Castiel asked fearfully. He
had been so caught up in how wonderful Dean made him feel, it hadn’t even
occurred to him anyone might want to put a stop to their relationship before it
had really started. Castiel knew there would never be anyone else that could
take Dean's place in his heart.
“I dunno, Cas.” Dean tried to make out he didn’t really care what his father
thought, but he had no idea what his reaction might be. Dean didn’t think he
would be too sold on the fact his son got so deeply involved with someone so
quickly. “You don’t know how my dad is when he’s had a few. I don’t think he’s
prejudiced or whatever, but he’s never said anything about boys liking each
other… you know - like that.” Dean mumbled, with a blush. It sounded so much
more serious when he said it out loud. “The drinking got worse when my mom
left. I don’t know what he’d do if he catches us messin’ around.” Castiel
didn’t want to think about it anymore and quickly changed the subject.
“So, why did you really want to see me? I don’t think you came over here just
to kiss me - but that’s okay too.” He smiled again, stroking the base of Dean’s
back where his hand was still wedged inside the band of his sweatpants.
“Yeah. I got that, Cas.” Dean drew in a sharp breath when he felt Castiel’s
hand slide a little lower. The warm press of searching fingertips across the
top of his ass was so distracting he almost completely forgot why he went over
there in the first place. Dean only gave him one word in answer and tried real
hard to say it without actually spitting it out. “Sam.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean got home just after one and carefully shut the door behind him with a soft
click. He eventually managed to pull himself away from Castiel and helped him
scramble back up onto the roof. Dean told him to call at the house in the
morning so they could decide what they were going to do all day if they
couldn’t go down to the pond. The tenderness of those last romantic caresses
was enough for Dean to hold in his memory to make it through the rest of the
night alone. Dean crept through to turn the television off before he headed to
bed, almost having a heart attack on the spot when he saw two hazel eyes
blinking at him through the bright flicker pouring out from the screen.
“What the hell you doin’ up?” Dean gasped in surprise. He stopped himself from
saying anything else when he realized Sam’s eyes were only shining so much in
the dark because they were full of unshed tears again. “Now what’s the matter?”
Dean was tired and irritable without Castiel and hadn’t expected his brother to
be awake, so it made him a bit snappy.
“Nothing.” Sam lied. He dipped his head so Dean couldn’t see him wipe them
away, but didn’t seem able to leave it alone when he knew Dean was just
standing there watching him. Sam blurted out all the fears that kept him awake
half the night. “What if they come for us? What if they want to take us away
and put us somewhere so they can do tests on us and stuff?”
“Don’t be an idiot.” Dean sighed, annoyed at just how clueless his little
brother was about the way the world worked. “Nobody’s coming for you and
nothing bad is gonna happen.”
“Dean.” Sam said firmly. He pushed back the blanket so he could sit up to give
him the most crippling look he could manage, amazed even Dean would say
something that stupid. “You don’t actually know everything. I know you think
you do, but FYI, I just saw it on the news and they’re saying horrible things
about those people like mom and everyone’s fighting. Dad didn’t really want me
to watch it but I needed to know why he told us all those things last night.”
Dean tried to hide the shock that caused his mouth to drop open while he stared
at the television. It looked like a war zone. Sam already turned the volume
down low so it wouldn’t wake their dad but some of the images made him cold
inside. Dean had never been more grateful they lived so far away from the big
city. He could almost feel Sam frowning at him without having to look up just
to make sure. Dean had never seen anything like it before but he wasn’t going
to let Sam think he got one over on him, despite the rising doubt that was
starting to build inside him.
“Yeah, well. That doesn’t mean you should fall for everything they say on TV.”
Dean tutted. “You believe anything, Sammy.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Exposure *****
19. Exposure
Sam wasn’t all that convinced he would be safe from some imaginary horror in
his head that threatened to abduct him in the middle of the night. His only
experience of the world was a few years of life in a little one-storey out in
the sticks where the most exciting thing that ever happened was when the gas
station ran out of chocolate milk. Sam could see the recent headlines put Dean
on edge as well, but he didn’t seem to think his brother had much to be worried
about. Dean sucked hard on his lip and tapped Sam’s legs to get him to move his
feet so he could perch next to him on the couch.
“Listen, kid.” Dean tried to sound much calmer than he felt inside. The wet
spot in his pants was now cold and damp and he knew his whole body smelled like
Castiel and syrup so Dean made sure he didn’t sit too close. “I know it looks
bad on the TV but they always show the cool fights and stuff so people keep
watching.” Sam sniffed a couple of times and Dean couldn’t tell if it was
because he could sense the sweetness in the air or because he’d been crying.
Sam pulled the blanket back up to his chest and nervously squeezed the material
between his fingers while he continued to watch the station out the corner of
one eye, unable to decide whether to give his attention to the news or his
brother. Dean was completely exhausted and still pissed at Sam for bribing him
into crashing his alone time with Castiel in the morning but something pulled
at his conscience when he saw that little face crumple with fear. “You’re like
nine years old and you haven’t done anything wrong.” Dean comforted. “No one is
gonna come get you.”
“You don’t know that… and stop calling me kid, Dean. It’s annoying.” Sometimes
Sam was far too observant for his own good. “Just ‘cause Dad does it, doesn’t
mean you can. You’re not that much older than me and I know more about it than
you, anyways.” Dean was close to counting to ten in his head while he pasted on
a patient smile. Sam was almost impossible to get through to once he’d made up
his mind about something.
“You think you know.”
“I do too know. I’ve been watching it on here and you’re never around ‘cause
you’re always out with Cas.”
So that was it. Sam was jealous of Dean spending so much time with Castiel even
though he would never admit it. That kid was a pain in the ass most days, but
Dean loved him and he didn’t like to see him cry. He knew those tears were
genuine and Sam really was scared, but he didn’t need to be.
“So what if you saw it on TV? You don’t actually know any of those people like
mom.”
“They’re called omegas.” Sam stated categorically - just to prove the point he
wasn’t lying when he said he understood more about it than Dean gave him credit
for. Validating them with a name only made it more real somehow and now there
was no denying what his dad had been hinting at. John suspected his son might
be one of these special types like his mother. As usual, Dean pretended not to
care.
“Doesn’t matter what they’re calling ‘em, Sammy. It’s got nothing to do with
us. You aren’t like her.”
“You are.”
“Sam - ” Dean warned. It was way too late to have that conversation and now
Dean really was starting to panic. Castiel’s mouth had been a beautiful
distraction over the last couple of days, and constant denial managed to stop
Dean from acknowledging there was something very wrong with him.
“You are.” Sam insisted. Dean felt his stomach tense. “Why do you think I’ve
been up all night? I pestered Dad about it for ages after you left ‘til he
showed me the picture of her he keeps in that little box.” Sam admitted
quietly. “You look just like her.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.” Dean shrugged, but he guessed it probably did.
“I was going to tell you about it but I must have fallen asleep and then you
snuck out to see Cas.”
“Shit, Sam. You got your own radar system, or what?”
“It doesn’t really take a genius to figure it out. Well, didn’t you?”
Dean rubbed one hand across his face.
“Yeah.”
Sam wondered if Castiel knew anything more about it. He would try and remember
to ask him in the morning but right now all he could think about was the chance
one of them had inherited something from their mother that would shape the rest
of their lives.
“What if one of us has that thing Mom had in her blood? I know you think I’m
being a baby but I’m really scared, Dean. I don’t want them to come get you.”
“Sam, seriously.” Dean couldn’t talk about it anymore. Some of the things his
brother said had hit a little too close to home and he just wanted to go to
bed. He stood up and replied through a wide yawn. “I’m gonna be fine. You’re
gonna be fine – we’re all gonna be fine.” He stressed, bending down to turn the
set off. “Go back to sleep.” Dean threw him a half-hearted goodnight but he
knew Sam was still watching him all the way across the room until he made it to
the hallway.
Dean was glad his face was hidden in the dark shadows of the corridor when he
walked away. He couldn’t ignore the little voice in his head any longer that
kept telling him the things that were happening to his body were far from
normal. He reached around to pat his ass and the back of his legs as soon as he
closed the bedroom door behind him. The saturated patch had stuck to his skin
where slick had leaked out of him when Castiel pinned his hips against the
wall. Dean slowly stripped off and checked himself with careful touches where
he was over-sensitive and warm. It only ever seemed to happen when Castiel was
close and the hollow ache that pulsed inside him whenever they kissed was
taking longer to fade away when they were apart. Dean still had no explanation
for it, but he knew it wasn’t right and Sam hadn’t exactly helped to put his
mind at rest.
John warned Dean his body might be changing but he never expected anything like
that. It was happening with disturbing regularity every time Castiel touched
him and Dean was starting to realize there was no way that was all coincidence.
His dad wasn’t normally that worried about where he was or who he was hanging
out with and Dean hadn’t noticed much else other than his hips filling out a
bit and the slippery mess that was now evident on the inside of both thighs. He
could smell the faint hint of honeysuckle blossom drifting up between his legs.
He thought it was weird if Castiel had noticed it, he never said anything. Dean
gently cleaned himself up with trembling hands and pulled on a pair of shorts
to sleep in.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was still exhausted in the morning when he jerked awake to the sound of
Sam banging on his bedroom door to tell him Castiel was already waiting for him
in the kitchen. He hardly got any rest at all during the night, violent and
disturbing images playing over and over in his head every time he closed his
eyes. The pain of being away from Castiel never completely left him, despite
those beautiful memories of the way his friend’s hands had skimmed over his
skin like Dean was something to be worshipped. It must have been later than he
thought, and he jumped out of bed and got dressed in less than a minute. That
bundle of blue-eyed temptation in the other room was a hell of an incentive to
get up.
Dean gave Castiel a wide smile before he grabbed a handful of ice pops and
gestured for them to go outside. He only promised Sam he could hang out with
them for some of the morning and the back yard was as safe a bet as any to stop
him from inadvertently wandering down to the pond. It was only a few slabs and
a patch of dry grass Sam had already claimed by spreading himself out across
the middle of it, but it was better than being confined indoors all day and
Dean would just have to make do until he had chance to get Castiel on his own
again. He sat as close to his friend as he possibly could without arousing too
much suspicion and propped himself up on both arms while he stretched out his
legs and tilted his face up to bask in the sunshine.
He opened one eye after a few minutes of silence to see Sam now lying on his
stomach with his chin resting on his hands while he kicked his legs backwards
and forwards and watched the other boys so intently it was starting to make his
brother uncomfortable. Dean couldn’t even remember the last time he saw him
blink.
“So, are you guys gonna kiss or something?”
“Shut up.”
Dean gave him a warning glare and tried to kick out one elbow, but Sam was too
far away to get a good shot in. Castiel just laughed quietly, staring down at
his hands while his cheeks turned pink. He wouldn’t have minded spending all
day glued to Dean’s mouth, but he did think Sam was a little young to have to
watch them making out, even if he seemed to be waiting patiently for it.
Castiel pretended he hadn’t heard and Sam wanted to know more about Dean’s
special friend so he asked him something that was more likely to elicit a
response.
“You like it here, Cas? Dean never told me why you moved.”
“You didn’t ask.”
“Dean.” Castiel chastised gently. “Stop it. I used to run away a lot, Sam. Then
I hurt my brother on accident but my dad made a big deal out of it like I
needed to go on meds or something.” He admitted. There wasn’t any point in
lying and Sam didn’t seem the type to judge. “He promised I wouldn’t have to go
to extra classes or visit the psych if I agreed to come here but now he’s
talking about making me see someone.”
“That’s not fair.” Sam said suddenly. Dean muttered something unintelligible.
He suspected Sam was just sucking up to Castiel to try and win him over but he
did have a decent point. Castiel discreetly slid his fingers over the top of
Dean’s hand where it was resting behind his ass to calm him. It seemed to have
the desired effect and Dean sighed pointedly before closing his eyes again.
“I know.” Castiel’s mouth was soft around the edges when he smiled down at Sam.
“I don’t think he’s going to change his mind any time soon, but thanks anyway.”
At least he wasn’t the only one who thought he was being victimized for
something he couldn’t control.
“Nothing seems fair lately.” Sam continued aimlessly. He wasn’t sure if anyone
was actually listening to him or not but he intended to make the most of some
attention while he had a vaguely captive audience. “Dean thinks I’m making it
all up but there’s some terrible things happening upstate.”
“Like what?” Castiel asked blankly. Dean had consumed almost every second of
his time since his arrival in Haven and he hadn’t got a clue what Sam was
talking about.
“Something about alphas wanting to have more rights than other people.”
“What’s an alpha?”
“I don’t really know.” Sam shrugged. “I just heard it on the news. I think
they’re special somehow but I’m not sure why. I know they don’t wanna have to
fight anymore.”
“How the hell can people justify asking for peace when they beat the shit out
of someone to get their point across?” Dean said, with contempt. “Makes no
sense.”
“None of it does.” Sam sighed. He turned over onto his back and covered his
face with one arm to protect his eyes from the sun. “They’re saying the male
omegas might have to register, ‘specially if they get pregnant.”
Dean almost choked on his popsicle.
“Don’t be so frickin’ stupid. I thought you were supposed to be smart.” Dean
shook his head and gave Castiel an apologetic smile for having to put up with
the prospect of listening to Sam spout drivel all morning. “Boys can’t have
babies.”
Sam really couldn’t be bothered to get dragged into another argument with Dean
about the trouble on the east coast. He knew perfectly well what the reports
were saying, and was terrified his brother would end up paying the price for
ignoring how serious things were getting for people who had the strength to
stand up for what they believed in. The authorities were desperately trying to
establish some kind of order that would keep both sides happy. That didn’t look
like it was going to happen any time soon with the alpha faction demanding
dominance and their shameless proposal to put a system in order that would
control the handful of hopeless cases who carried the omega gene.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Confessions *****
20. Confessions
The boys couldn’t possibly have any real concept of what all that meant. The
truth would make them want to hold on to precious innocence forever. Their only
protection from a world outside that was tearing up a fast approaching storm
that could rip apart their perfect little haven.
The code in his blood was the key to unlocking everything Dean needed to
understand, but he wouldn’t know a mutant gene if it bit him on the ass. None
of that really mattered anyway. Dean was always destined to mate with Castiel,
and nothing would have kept them apart if they were free to make their own
choices and everyone would just leave them alone. Sam might have been the most
clued-up of all of them but he was just a kid. No matter how smart he was,
alpha and omega were just the latest new words his thirsty little mind could
use to put a name to all those disconnected images he was trying hard to
forget. He was too young to have any interest in breeding or care that only a
small number of male omegas could carry a child. True mates were so rare they
hadn’t been mentioned in any of the reports at all. Sam had no idea his brother
had already sensed his alpha, or that Dean and Castiel would always find each
other somehow. Maybe when they least expected it.
Their dad already left for work when Dean was forced out of bed, but Sam had
apparently been told to stay with the other boys until he got back. Dean didn’t
even try to hide his disappointment and dragged out a loud sigh. John was up
early again after another restless night, struggling to admit he suspected Dean
might be an omega and all the implications that would have for him when he was
grown. Maybe Dean would feel the same pull inside him to leave home and find an
alpha to be his mate. The chance of his son being claimed by anyone out there
in the middle of nowhere was remote enough to let the denial win over for a
little while. John knew from bitter experience some of their type might settle
down for a time and even have children to someone they were never meant to be
with. Mary did that when she fell for the boys but John realized now he could
never have been the alpha she needed. His only dominant attributes were a short
temper and a weakness for cheap beer. He knew next to nothing about carrier
genes, but at least he finally understood nothing would have stopped her from
leaving.
Dean figured that awkward conversation with their dad hadn’t just sprung out of
nowhere. He obviously felt pushed into telling the boys the truth about their
mom and that probably wasn’t a good thing if any of it was true. Dean knew
exactly what picture Sam was talking about. It hadn’t seen the light of day for
a long time after his dad locked her memory in a box like she was part of some
shameful past that was gone forever. Maybe that was why Dean couldn’t
understand why being an omega was so bad anyway. Some of his memories were good
and Dean still had a lot of love for her hidden under all that sulky resentment
that always spilled out of him whenever anyone mentioned her name.
Castiel could see Dean was lost in thought again and continued to caress the
back of his hand while they sat together in the morning sun. The bonding they
unknowingly strengthened the night before had been interrupted by the need to
get Castiel back inside before anyone noticed they were missing and Dean
couldn't wait to get hold of him again. Another sleepless night had pushed the
decision to tell Castiel what was happening to his body and confess the
desperate need he had to be with him all the time. Now the churning in his gut
when he thought about what Sam had picked up from the news reports made Dean
question who he was for the first time in his life. He saw the fear there in
those damp blurry eyes the night before. He wouldn’t normally have listened to
anything that kid had to say but there was just something about the way Sam
looked at him before he turned away. Dean wasn’t particularly dense by most
standards and now he was completely defenseless.
He didn’t know who he was anymore.
“Is that really true, Sam?” Castiel asked in amazement. He considered himself
to be reasonably well-educated and hadn’t spent his entire life under a rock,
so he couldn’t understand how something like that could have passed him by.
“Some of them can have babies? Why would they keep that a secret?”
“Dunno.” Sam murmured against his arm, just regurgitating something he picked
up from the TV. “Maybe now there’s a bit more understanding about people who
are different, they want to be recognized for who they are.”
Dean tried to dismiss Sam again but Castiel hushed him. It wasn’t really
surprising they didn’t know anything. Male omegas were rare, but now it seemed
like the bias was shifting and it made people nervous. Most of the trouble
along the coast had been spawned by paranoia and the delusion their numbers
needed to be kept under control. Many omegas feared some kind of selective cull
that would only allow the more submissive females to breed. All that achieved
was a political meltdown that was going to be hard to pull back from. No one
really understood why some of the more extremist alphas wanted to try and
oppress the omegas like that. So many before them had taken normal or beta
partners, even when nature expected them to take an alpha as a mate. There was
something hauntingly prophetic about such a violent descent into darkness from
something that should be so beautiful.
“But why would they want them to register?” Dean asked, mainly just so he could
participate in a conversation with Castiel that Sam wasn't completely
dominating.
“So they can check on them I think, but I don’t know why that would matter.”
Sam would have liked to talk with Castiel about it some more but he was
obviously too preoccupied with Dean. Sam often wondered how he actually
remembered to take a breath every once in a while.
“It’s stupid.”
Dean was tempted to put it all down to an over-active imagination. Sam gave him
a weary glance out the corner of his eye but he managed to keep his voice
level.
“Maybe alphas don’t like to mate with ‘em.”
“Why wouldn’t they?” Castiel asked defensively. The whole idea that anyone
could treat someone they were supposed to love with so much disrespect was
completely beyond him. His own swelling desire for Dean might not have been
what his father expected but he knew there was nothing wrong with it. Society
had come a long way in a few years to accept the way he felt about another boy.
Dean sensed Castiel grip his fingers even tighter.
“Babies.” Dean mocked. “Where would you get a nutball idea like that?”
“It doesn’t matter, Dean. I don’t want to talk about it.” Sam said suddenly,
but Castiel definitely wanted to know more. That fascinated him in a way he
couldn’t quite define. He knew by the rigid pout, Sam wasn’t lying. Sam didn’t
think he should have to justify anything to Dean if he was just going to shoot
him down every time he opened his mouth and he really didn’t want to think
about all that hate when the sun was shining so brightly and Castiel was
prepared to listen to him with a patience he never got from his brother.
Sam was smart enough to figure out whatever was going on between Dean and
Castiel was beyond their control. He never saw Dean look at anyone the way he
looked at Cas. There was something very raw in the meaningful glances that
passed between them, like everything else just ceased to exist when they were
staring into each other’s eyes. Dean had no way of knowing their emotional bond
would just keep getting stronger with every second they spent together. When
they were mature enough to mate it would be devoted and unbreakable.
Castiel already willingly surrendered to his natural instincts now he was
almost ready to present. The shameful dreams he was having about Dean were
preparing him to deal with all those possessive alpha hormones that wanted to
dominate his omega completely. Many restless nights he shot awake with sweat
coating his body and his knot aching so hard he had to lie on his back until he
finally managed to fall asleep again. Sometimes he was scared he wanted Dean so
much, and how dark some of those desires had become. He turned his attention
back to Sam before the unexpected stirring in his lap gave him away completely.
“So, what do you want to do when you grow up, Sam?” Castiel asked gently. “You
know, you could probably be anything you wanted to be.”
“I don’t really know. Something where I can do good things for people, I
guess.” Sam had been so upset by everything he heard lately, he desperately
wanted to stand up for those omegas being hurt but he knew he couldn’t really
do anything to help them. That was something Castiel never expected to come out
the mouth of a nine-year old kid and they all sat in silence for a long time.
                                 ………. «» ……….
John finally returned late in the afternoon and Sam went straight back inside
to raid the paper bags his dad brought back from the store. All Dean cared
about was being alone with Castiel and they soon headed back down to the pond
and the privacy they had both been longing for all day. They chose a spot in
the growing shadows on the bank and Dean melted into him as soon as Castiel
settled his back against a tree. The calm meadow was just an illusion that hid
a tempest of unease steadily rising inside them.
“Do you think it was right what Sam was saying about those alpha people? I
never heard anything like that.”
Dean lay on one side and rested his head on the top of Castiel’s thighs like he
was meant to be there.
“I suppose. He must have heard it from somewhere and my dad’s been looking at
me different since he’s been talking about that omega stuff. Sometimes I wish
he would just come right out and say it.” Dean hesitated for a moment, not sure
if he should admit how much all that doubt twisted at him inside. “I think he’s
ashamed of me.” Dean said the words so quietly his voice was almost lost on a
sudden summer breeze that played with his hair while he stared up at Castiel
from the sanctuary of his lap.
“No he’s not, Dean.” Castiel replied softly. “If he really thinks that, then
he’s probably just scared you might get dragged into it all somehow.”
“God, you sound like Sam.” Dean murmured. He was starting to wonder if they had
all conspired against him just to prove a point. Castiel nudged him playfully
with one knee. He hated to think Dean might assume he was trying to brush all
his fears aside.
“Do you really think your mom could have been one?”
“My dad seems to think so.”
Castiel thought hard about everything he discovered that morning and a jealous
surge of panic rushed through him at the thought Dean might have a mate out
there who was made just for him.
“But what if it’s all true and there’s really someone you’re supposed to be
with?” His voice was shaking at the despair of maybe losing that boy one day.
“I’m not an alpha, Dean. I don’t even know what that is.”
“I don’t care about any of that, Cas. I already found the only person I ever
want to be with right here.” Dean lifted up his arm so he could touch Castiel’s
face. Sometimes he didn’t realize what he was doing when he submitted to that
warm alpha body beneath him. Every caress brought them closer to bonding and
the day Castiel would mark Dean completely and claim him as his own. It seemed
a shame to break the soft comfortable lull of each other’s company but Dean
needed to tell Castiel why he was so afraid before he burst. He took a deep
breath and wet his lips. “Cas?” Dean asked nervously. “I wanted to tell you
something but I’m scared to say it ‘case you laugh at me.”
“Dean - I would never.” Castiel gasped honestly, reaching out to stroke his
hand again. “Doesn’t matter what it is. You can tell me anything, you know you
can.”
Dean whispered all those things he had been too shy to talk about since the day
they first met and Castiel listened without taking another breath while Dean
told him about the ache inside him that always signalled another fresh burst of
slick. Castiel couldn’t speak. He didn't understand why Dean never said
anything before but that sure explained all those delicious mouthfuls of
inhaled omega pheromones whenever they had been close enough to kiss. They had
both embraced that with every shred of passion anyone could have at that age
and now there didn’t seem any point in hiding anything anymore.
“Actually.” Castiel said slowly. “I have a confession as well. Remember I told
you about my - you know, my… what’s wrong with me.” He stammered at last. He
couldn’t quite manage to spit out the word dick, but Dean knew exactly what he
meant by the colour of his cheeks. “I think it’s getting worse and it hurts
when I think about some of the things I want to do to you.”
“Like what?”
Castiel held another breath and Dean could sense his legs stiffen under his
cheek.
“Dirty things I know I’m not supposed to think about.” Dean’s chest hitched
when he turned his head a little more and Castiel struggled to hold that
searing gaze. He quickly looked down in shame and hoped Dean wouldn’t push him
away or change his mind about wanting to be with him so much. Castiel could
almost hear his heart pounding over the suffocating silence and now he wished
he hadn’t said anything at all. “Are you mad with me?”
“No, Cas. I’m not mad.” Dean wasn’t sure what he was. Their relationship had
escalated so quickly Dean was more than willing to let Castiel get to second
base and touch him in all those places he had never been touched before but he
didn’t know if he really should. “Do you think it means something?”
“I hope so.” Castiel smiled. Maybe there was some way of being able to tell if
Dean was an omega but he wouldn’t know where to start. Dean closed his eyes and
let that thought drift over him while he savoured the little corner of peace
out there by the water with Castiel where nothing else mattered. Their need to
be together was spreading through them a little more each day and intensifying
the depth of a connection they were slowly forming that would bind them
together for a lifetime.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** First Blood *****
21. First Blood
Dean was unnaturally still for another minute or so while he tried to calm his
beating heart and make sense of why Castiel would think he could ever be angry
with him for just being honest. Dean had to accept he was starting to rely on
how much that boy made him feel like he was really worth something. He let
Castiel run gentle touches along his skin until the need to give him a better
explanation caused Dean to roll over onto his back so he could look up at his
friend. He wanted to ask why anyone would think leaking weird slick from any
part of your body could possibly be a good thing.
“What do you think it means, then?”
“Wish I knew.” Castiel answered vaguely, like his mind had wandered somewhere
else for a second at the memory of some of those colourful dreams that jerked
him awake at night. “Maybe you are special.” Dean could sense Castiel’s
attention get drawn back to him when he pushed his hand underneath the hem of
his shirt and let the warmth of his stomach flow into his fingertips. “I mean
you’ve always been special to me, but there could be more to it. You can’t
pretend something isn’t happening to us. I don’t know why I feel the way I do
when you’re not there, but I need to know, Dean.” Castiel sounded so passionate
in wanting to find out the truth about why they had to be together all the
time, Dean suspected he must feel the same lonely ache when they were apart.
Castiel circled Dean’s wrist with his fingers and lifted his arm up towards his
mouth so he could kiss the back of his hand to show how much he really meant
that. “I want to understand what it all means and why your dad would care if
you really were an omega, anyway. What does it feel like when it happens?” Dean
stirred against him and mumbled his reply into Castiel’s side.
“Don’t make me say it again, Cas… please.” Dean’s face was still burning after
finally admitting he had no control over his body whenever they touched but it
didn’t seem to faze Castiel a bit. If anything he might have even edged a
little closer. Dean had practically given him the permission he wanted to take
that intimacy Castiel had tried so hard to resist in case Dean sometimes
thought he smothered him too much. It had taken Dean a lot to push past his
insecurity and share that secret with Castiel. He was too uncomfortable to
discuss it in explicit detail but he could see from the sparkle in Castiel’s
eyes that was exactly what he wanted to talk about. Castiel could be very
persuasive when he wanted something and Dean was becoming weaker to resist him
by the day. He answered anyway. “It’s hard to explain.” Dean said slowly. “I
can feel something pull inside me, like my body’s trying to stop it from
slipping out but I can’t help it. It’s almost like it makes me hot and cold at
the same time and sometimes it feels like I want it, but I don’t really ‘cause
it hurts like a bitch and I’m scared it’s somethin’ bad.” Dean stopped while he
took another deep breath. “When you kiss me I can feel this warm wet stuff just
slide out of me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it - believe me, I’ve
tried.” Dean added, with a sigh. The words stuck in his throat while the heat
started to creep up his neck again. His slip into omega submission had almost
passed him by completely. Dean had never been afraid of anything before but
when he was with Castiel lately he was shy and quiet. He just wanted Castiel to
wrap his arms around him and make everything alright. “Sometimes it smells
funny, too.” Dean's cheeks flushed with fresh humiliation while he stared at
the grass and longed for a big hole to open wide and swallow him up. No one
would ever guess how much courage it had taken to voice all those fears there
was something really wrong with him and Castiel’s unconditional acceptance just
made Dean want to curl into him even more while his friend studied him with new
perspective. Castiel honestly thought he was the only one struggling to
understand what was happening to them. Castiel just held Dean even tighter. He
was quiet for a long time.
“I’m sorry if I did that to you somehow.” Castiel said softly. He needed to
know why that ache inside Dean was always more intense when they kissed, like
he was trying to prepare his body for all those things Castiel wanted to do to
him when they were grown. They didn’t really know anything for sure yet but
Castiel seemed determined to drag out every last detail after a confession like
that. “I didn’t know. You always smell lovely to me but I don’t think that can
be right. How long have you felt like that?” Castiel asked, his eyes never
leaving Dean’s face for a second. He watched every movement of his mouth in
helpless fascination.
“From the beginning, Cas.” Dean admitted in a whisper. “Right from the
beginning.”
That released a raging flood of adrenaline and Castiel suddenly flipped him
like he was nothing. Dean bent his head back and let his knees fall apart. He
had no idea where the compulsion had come from but he heard himself moan when
his back rubbed up against the rough bark behind him and Castiel moved between
his thighs with a little more enthusiasm than Dean was expecting. Castiel
pushed another desperate kiss against him and drew Dean's bottom lip between
his teeth before he slowly pulled away.
“How can we find out what it means?” Castiel asked, while he brushed the hair
from his face and let Dean get his breath back. He was starting to worry Dean
might really be in danger if everything Sam told them was even half-way true,
and ignorance isn’t always bliss. Dean still seemed determined to ignore most
of it by chalking it all up to his brother being insanely bored and vying for
Castiel’s attention.
“Sam thinks he knows a lot but he only gets it from the TV or drunken
conversations with my dad when he’s half-asleep on the couch and doesn’t
realize what he’s saying.” Dean stated. Castiel smiled. He really didn’t want
to dismiss that kid quite so easily. He had actually come to rather like Sam.
“He’s not so bad.” Castiel said quietly, and gave a little tilt of his head
when he thought about the way Sam had looked up at Dean that morning. He could
see straight through the superficial bullshit that always surfaced when they
pretended they hated the sight of each other. Deep down there was a lot of love
there and Sam probably wanted to be just like his brother when he grew up. No
one had any idea just how much growing that boy would do before he was through.
“He cares about you.” Castiel added, after a while, still trying to process
everything that had tortured Dean since that first touch down at the pond. He
had a protective rush of sympathy knowing Dean had to deal with that on his own
when he had been so scared there was something wrong with him. Castiel hadn’t
said much since but he knew that wasn’t normal and his mind was working over-
time to try and push through the denial and ignore the astronomical odds that
either of them could possibly be one of those special types Sam had been
babbling on about for most of the morning.
Dean seemed even more distracted than usual and Castiel wondered if the mention
of a perfect mate that might exist somewhere had possibly set free all those
doubts that maybe they weren’t meant to be, after all. Dean hadn’t managed
sentences of more than a few words at a time since he told Castiel about the
slick. They both knew something strange was happening to them and Sam might
have just been spit-balling but he seemed completely drawn to the trouble in
New York like one day he would be glad he knew more about it.
Dean just hummed a little noise in answer. He didn’t want to give Sam too much
credit for being such a smart-ass.
“You know, there’s this guy my dad works for. I used to go over there a lot
when we didn’t have a sitter. He’s real nice, an’ all and I’m pretty sure he
knew my mom when she was younger. He might be able to tell us somethin’.” Dean
had a vivid memory of what might once have been a living area covered in books
and old papers this man had painstakingly collected over the years. “S’pose we
could walk into town and drop by the shop later. It’s not that far, but I
reckon my dad would go mad if he knew I asked my Uncle Bobby about it without
telling him.”
“So don’t tell him.” Castiel shrugged, like all of a sudden it was perfectly
okay to lie if it meant they could stay together. He was starting to develop a
defiant independence his father had spent the last six months trying to get
back under control. Now Castiel had marked his true mate that was never going
to happen. He would never have suspected it the first time he looked into
Dean’s eyes, but the shyness would soon be gone. Replaced with a desire to
dominate that had begun to subdue all the timid awkwardness with dewy streams
of alpha chemical. They were now spreading through him like a wildfire. He was
dangerously close to presenting and being sexually receptive to every little
spurt of scented hormone Dean left in his wake like a tempting trail of
breadcrumbs. “’K… if you want.” Castiel added absently, and leaned down to kiss
Dean again. He still had his head tipped back so Castiel went for his neck
instead. He opened his mouth to suck at the skin covering Dean’s fluttering
pulse and scraped his teeth across the surface. Dean couldn’t remember Castiel
ever being so forceful in showing him what he wanted. His claiming teeth had
also developed with the markings when his body started to change from a puppy
into an alpha almost capable of mating. Dean gasped Castiel’s name when he
realized how sharp those little canines felt against the pliant skin of his
throat. Dean was looking at his friend in alarm and instinctively slapped his
hand against his neck when he felt a sudden prick. He examined the red dot on
his fingertip in amazement when he pulled his hand away.
“Cas.” Dean whispered. His voice was trembling while he stared at the tip of
his finger. “You bit me.”
Castiel looked almost as surprised as Dean he actually drew blood. The marks
were really only two light scratches that ran down his skin in neat red lines
but there was a crimson spot where one of his teeth had pierced the surface.
“I’m so sorry, Dean... I didn’t mean to.”
Castiel hadn’t realized he put so much force into that last kiss. He was just
playing but there was no denying the clear drag of his canines over Dean’s
skin. He breathed another apology but couldn’t manage anything more when he
could taste that first sweet drop of omega blood on the end of his tongue. It
sent a wave of arousal and need rushing through him and stirred every part of
his dormant alpha. He wanted to sink his teeth into the delicate piece of skin
that stretched underneath Dean’s neck and ran along the length of his shoulder.
It was clearly exposed to the bright rays of sun where it trickled through the
leaves above and lit up the tempting patch of unbroken flesh that was just
begging to be claimed.
They didn’t mention it again that day.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean pasted on his best smile when the garage door rolled up with the sound of
metal chains clanking together. A man slowly came into view and stared down at
the boys in surprise.
“Dean?” Bobby gaped. It took him a second to register while he dragged one hand
across his face and smeared a line of grease down his cheek before wiping his
fingers on a filthy rag. “Haven’t seen you for a while, kid. You got big.”
Bobby laughed. His eyes were smiling when he gestured for them both to come
inside. They had to dip their heads to be able to slide underneath the door and
followed him in silence until they found themselves standing in his kitchen.
“You Castiel?” Bobby said, with a cursory nod in his direction and the boys
were so stunned they both just nodded in sync. “Your dad’s been telling me all
about your new friend.” He added, reaching for a beer. He was watching them
closely without blinking while he twisted off the cap with one hand. Dean
couldn’t hide his resentment. His father hardly ever mentioned Castiel and when
he did it looked like he was having to force his name out from between his
teeth. Something in the way Bobby said that made Dean more nervous than ever.
Dean didn’t like the fact anyone had been saying things about them behind his
back at all, and Castiel’s alpha suddenly felt so challenged it pumped
testosterone round his blood stream and filled his brain with a hormone that
made him aggressive and defensive. He moved in front of Dean and put his entire
body between them without even thinking. Bobby nodded to himself and Castiel
saw his mouth twitch at one corner but he didn’t think it was a smile. It told
the man all he needed to know. “Well. I don’t know if you’re ready to hear it,
kid, but I can’t think of any reason why I should keep quiet any longer.” He
pulled out a couple of stools and folded both arms across his chest. “’Cept of
course your dad’ll most likely kick my ass when he finds out I’ve told you
this, but you’re a good kid, Dean, and you deserve to know the truth. It’s not
your fault.” Bobby pressed his lips together when his eyes suddenly became
fixed on the fading marks Castiel had almost branded his omega with. Dean knew
he was probably going to be in trouble. Bobby was about to shine a bright light
on something that should maybe have been left in the dark. “You better sit
down.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Validation *****
22. Validation
Dean was on the defensive straight away and made no attempt to take a seat.
Bobby didn’t push him and guessed he would probably be glad of it before they
were through.
“I’m good, thanks.” Dean replied, through a tight breath. The only sign he was
even slightly uneasy about what was to come spawned a little flicker of alarm
behind those green eyes. Castiel was still shielding Dean with his body, one
arm stretched out behind him with the compulsive need to hold Dean back and out
of some imaginary danger.
“Alright. Settle down there, cowboy.” Bobby said gently. “I ain’t gonna touch
him.” Castiel’s passionate impulse to protect Dean at the slightest hint of any
threat was disturbing, but all it actually did was confirm a gut feeling
Castiel must be an alpha and the boys had already started to bond. Bobby hid
his concern well. Dean trusted his instinct to confide in Bobby and hoped he
might learn something to help make sense of everything that happened to them
since they met.
“Cas, it’s fine.” Dean couldn’t resist a shy smile when he lightly eased his
friend to one side. “I knew you’d help me.” Dean sighed with relief. Maybe some
of his questions were going to be answered after all. He hadn’t been up to the
shop for a while. The last thing he wanted was to arouse suspicion by going
back without saying anything to his dad but Dean was pretty sure he could rely
on Bobby not to drop him in it. He knew the guy had a bit of a soft spot for
him. Dean thought once it might have been pity after his mom left but some
small part of him always felt like the two of them were more alike than anyone
guessed - alone against the rest of a world that never really understood them.
“Everyone keeps pretending there’s nothing wrong but I just don’t feel right,
Bobby. I can’t explain it. I know the only thing I want is to be with Cas. I
just need him real bad, like I can’t imagine ever being without him but I don’t
know why.” Dean was stumbling to try and justify something he didn’t really
understand. Bobby stopped him before he hurt himself.
“Dean, wait… just hold on a minute and catch your breath, boy.” Bobby hushed
him. “What do you know already?”
“Only what Dad told me, and Sam’s been watching all this crap about omegas on
the news but I reckon he’s making a big deal out of it, if you ask me.”
“Do you, now?” Bobby said calmly. He didn’t buy into Dean’s disinterest for a
second. He knew Sam was only young but he was still smart enough to put two and
two together and actually make four. “Your dad said he told you the truth about
what happened to your mother.” Bobby added, and Dean gave him a little nod but
he didn’t say anything. He couldn't stand the thought of having to go over all
that again when it hurt so much. “Do you understand why he thought she was
different?” Dean nodded again. Bobby thought he was unusually quiet but he
didn’t mention it. The poor kid probably had no idea what was going on and
Bobby could see a lot of pain there. “So, you already know there’s different
types of people in the world and some are kind of special, and some are just
like everyone else. Your dad thinks you’re one of them, like your mom.” Bobby
rested one hand on Dean’s arm and made sure he was looking right into his eyes
so Dean knew he wasn’t spinning him a line. “… and so do I, Dean. I always
thought you were gonna present as an omega sooner or later and not just ‘cause
you’re the spitting image of her.” Bobby smiled at the memory of Mary’s face.
She had been so happy once when John believed the boys might be enough to make
her stay, but that was a long time ago. Bobby knew not all omegas mated with an
alpha and true mates who were destined to be together like Dean and Castiel
were so rare no one knew much about them. Bobby had seen the sad emptiness in
that woman’s eyes before she left, just like the one that used to be inside
Dean before he met Castiel. “It wasn’t my place to say anything, but I can see
you’re hurtin’, kid, and it’s not right. You need to know the truth so you can
be ready. No one told your mom what to expect and she was real confused at the
end, boy. She didn’t feel right and there was nothing your dad could do to help
her.”
“He doesn’t really talk about her.”
“It hurt him, Dean.” Bobby murmured. He didn’t want to say too much about his
mother and for all the superficial bravado Bobby knew nothing he said would
make any of it alright. He wanted Dean to hold on to a good memory of her. It
had obviously left a hole so big John had been self-medicating for as long as
Bobby could remember. “He’s never really bothered with anyone else - don’t
think he’s even had a girlfriend since. Maybe a one-nighter or two he picked up
at the bar but he never wanted anything serious after your mom.”
“Bobby.” Dean pulled a face. The image in his head was bad enough without
anyone reminding him of his dad doing anything like that with anyone. “How long
has he known? About me, I mean.” Dean asked quietly, when he finally tore his
gaze away and managed to take a breath. He could feel the panic steadily
rising.
“I don’t know.” Bobby answered honestly. “But I reckon he’s suspected it for a
while.”
“Why would he hide that from me for so long?” Dean asked eventually. Bobby just
shrugged and shook his head. He didn’t really want to speak for John when he
wasn’t there to defend himself, but he clearly hadn’t been as honest as he
should have and that wasn’t fair. Dean hadn’t asked for any of it. Bobby knew
if it was true, that boy would have a lifetime of trying to adjust to being
different, especially in a society where judgement and intolerance were
becoming second nature.
“S’pose he was just waiting. You can’t tell whether anyone’s gonna be an alpha
or an omega ‘til they hit puberty. It’s called presenting, and judging by your
friend’s little display of chivalry I’m guessin’ he ain’t far off.”
Dean bit at the skin on the side of his finger just to give his mouth something
to do while his gaze flicked constantly between Bobby and Castiel, who was now
frowning so hard his eyebrows were tilted together in the middle. Dean had a
sneaking suspicion that whatever Bobby shared with them was unlikely to make
him feel any better about what was happening to him. He hoped to God he wasn’t
going to have to answer too many questions. Dean had practically died of shame
once already when he tried to explain it all to Castiel. He didn't think he had
the balls to do it again, and definitely not to a grown-up he hadn’t seen for
months.
“Far off what?” Dean whispered, sparing another glance at Castiel when his
heart started to pound behind his ribs. It was one thing he had to suck up the
possibility of being some kind of freak but when Castiel was getting dragged
into it as well, then Dean was sorry - but he had to draw the line. “Bobby?” He
encouraged. “What? What do you mean?” Bobby chewed on the inside of his cheek
and sighed. He seemed to be debating quite how to phrase something that was
probably going to screw Dean up completely but there wasn’t any point in
holding back now. He deserved to know the truth. “Ready for what?” Dean echoed.
Bobby seemed to hesitate just long enough for Dean to figure out it was
something he wasn’t old enough to hear, and wondered if it had anything to do
with Castiel’s confession he wanted to do things to Dean so bad it made his
junk hurt. Bobby deliberately left out the word mating.
“You had any other signs that you’re close, as well? Like changes… things you
know aren’t supposed to come out of teenage boys.”
Shit - here it comes. Dean thought, bracing himself for another awkward
conversation that caused his cheeks to flare up before he even opened his
mouth. There was no way he was going into lurid detail about that again but he
managed a small nod and Bobby guessed well enough what he meant by the colour
of his face.
“Well, if I wasn’t certain before, I sure as hell am now. That ain’t a normal
reaction and it can only mean one thing. Your Castiel is prob’ly an alpha.” All
the blood slowly drained from Dean’s face and Bobby had to physically guide him
onto the stool to make sure he didn’t fall over. That word elicited all sorts
of terrible images conjured up by everything Sam had told them. Dean couldn’t
stand the thought of Castiel being someone like that if all alphas were so
cruel and ruthless. Cas wasn’t like that. He was sweet and gentle, and always
made Dean feel like he was the most important thing in the world. Bobby must be
wrong. Dean sat still for a long time while everything swirled around in his
head like building storm clouds only Castiel could chase away. Bobby eventually
broke the silence. “I ain’t makin’ excuses for him, but you shouldn’t be too
hard on your dad, Dean. He didn’t know much back then. Omegas were more like a
legend in those days, you know like somethin’ that always happened to somebody
else. I only thought you probably were ‘cause of your mother. You bein’ so much
like her, an’ all but it’s not really somethin' we talk about.”
“Why did you tell me, then?” Dean murmured quietly. He wanted so much to
understand what was happening to him that morning but now he wished he’d just
kept his mouth shut and minded his own damn business. The truth was much harder
to swallow and even the chance Castiel might be one of those horrible alphas
made him feel sick to his stomach. A choked sob started to well up in his
throat but he didn’t want to cry in front of Bobby.
“Because you shouldn’t have to be so scared and not have a damn clue why you
feel the way you do.” Dean did the only thing he could think of to stop his
bottom lip from trembling. He tried to hold back his emotions by pretending he
didn’t give a shit.
“I don’t care, anyway.” Dean forced out. “It doesn’t matter what I am. It’s not
gonna change nothin’.” Bobby shot Dean a look that made his knees give a
little, even though he was sitting down.
“That has gotta be hands down the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say and
trust me, boy, you’ve said some real stupid things in your time.” Dean
swallowed hard and stared back at him with so much intensity Bobby couldn’t be
sure if he was pissed at him or if it was all just too much to deal with. A
quiet life in the Kansas countryside was a far cry from the turmoil in New York
City. No one had ever been so straight with him about what was going on inside
his body and Dean had no idea how he was supposed to respond to a revelation
like that. “Haven’t you listened to a damn thing I’ve told you? Being an omega
ain’t somethin’ you can take back to the store if you don’t like it. It’s for
life, Dean. There’s no escaping it.”
Dean dropped his head and held onto the counter for support when he felt his
mind start to swim with too much light and noise. He could sense Castiel
suddenly come up behind him. He was breathing heavily and Dean let his eyes
slide closed when the comforting weight of Castiel’s chin pressed into the dip
of his shoulder. He had got much more possessive lately and didn’t seem to care
at all that they weren’t alone. Dean’s lips were set so straight, Bobby
imagined just for a second he actually wasn’t that bothered after all but then
Castiel wrapped both arms tightly around Dean’s chest and the floodgates
opened. Castiel felt Dean’s shoulders shaking underneath him. It was soft and
quiet at first, but as soon as Castiel stroked his fingertips over Dean’s
stomach to try and calm him, he sobbed openly and turned his body so he could
throw his arms around his alpha’s neck and cling onto Castiel like he needed
him for every single breath. Dean was really struggling not to lose it
altogether. He wanted Bobby to think he was strong, but the tears came anyway.
He always had a lot of respect for that man and Dean didn’t think he would ever
be able to look him in the face again if he thought he was such a pussy.
Dean was really scared. He knew first-hand how being an omega had affected his
mom and damaged their family so profoundly none of them ever recovered from it.
Dean eventually pulled away and Castiel could see his eyes were still wet. He
just wanted to kiss all the sadness away. Something unexpected was happening to
him since they were pressed together underneath the shade of spreading branches
down at dragonfly pond. That accidental bite had set something free and Castiel
desperately wanted more of the luscious warmth that had devoured his senses
with the first hit of Dean’s blood. Castiel could almost still taste him. His
eyes kept wandering down to the curve of Dean’s neck like he was fighting a
stifling addiction that threatened to take him over completely if he let his
self-control slip for a single second.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Heart *****
23. Heart
Castiel never realized Bobby had been watching his every move since the boy
practically threw himself between them and made it clear he would always keep
Dean safe, with violence if necessary. Castiel didn’t know Bobby at all and had
acted on pure instinct the second he sensed the panic in Dean’s voice. When he
saw the dread growing behind his eyes he stepped up to protect him in a
heartbeat. Bobby didn’t miss the dangerous longing there every time Castiel’s
gaze was constantly drawn back to Dean’s throat. It all but confirmed
everything he suspected from the moment he first saw them together. There was
something so pure and innocent in the way they seemed to fit against each other
so perfectly, and Bobby genuinely hoped Dean had found someone who would spend
a lifetime taking care of him. He didn't know much about true mates, but he
could see there was a deep and lasting connection there that wasn’t just
physical anymore.
“It’s okay, Dean… it’s gonna be okay.” Castiel hummed into Dean’s hair while he
continued to try and settle him with delicate touches against his body. He
instinctively smoothed both hands over the middle of his belly in small circles
and it didn’t take long until Dean was calm enough to take a steady breath and
stay his tears. Dean sat up a little straighter and eventually dried his eyes
on Castiel’s t-shirt but he was still leaning heavily on his friend. Castiel
didn’t let go.
“Sorry. I’m sorry… I don’t know why I got so upset.” Dean sniffed again, every
breathless snuffle pulling at Castiel’s conscience like a cord that tied their
hearts together. Castiel hated not being able to somehow wish it all better but
just having that boy so close to him was comfort enough for Dean. Castiel was
still on edge when Bobby took another step towards them. He wasn’t particularly
struck on the idea their relationship had clearly been the subject of some
discussion while John was at work and this man had apparently made assumptions
about him before they even met, but Dean clearly trusted him and that meant
Castiel did too. Bobby patted Dean gently on the shoulder.
“That prob’ly came out all wrong.” Bobby said, trying to apologize in his own
inimitable style. He briefly took off his cap to give his head a quick scratch
and stumbled to gain some kind of damage control. “S’not like it’s a death
sentence, kid. I didn’t mean to make it sound like that but if you’re
different, then there’s things you need to know to make sure you stay safe when
you present. Sam wasn’t kiddin’ about how bad things are getting up the coast.”
Dean paled for the second time in as many minutes.
“Bad like how?” He asked quietly. Castiel still had his arms wrapped around
Dean when his gaze flicked up instantly. He wanted to know if Sam had just got
carried away with everything he heard on the news or if Dean really did need to
be afraid. Bobby and Castiel exchanged a meaningful glance Dean missed
completely. Bobby could still see the salty trails of spent tears on the boy’s
cheeks and he didn’t want to set him off again, so he tried hard not to make it
sound like a war had started.
“There’s a lot of resentment between alphas and omegas lately. I don’t know why
it’s suddenly come to a head like that but maybe 'cause omegas have been
submissive to alphas for a long time and some of them don’t think it’s right.”
Dean’s face started to screw up with confusion.
“What’s s’missive?”
Bobby sighed. He managed to dodge the carnal bullet so far, but he couldn’t lie
to them and he knew Castiel was close to presenting by the way he kept drooling
over the throb of Dean’s pulse every time it fluttered just under the skin of
his neck. Bobby got they were still young but he didn’t think it would be long
before they started experimenting - if they hadn’t already. Castiel seemed
disturbingly comfortable with so much intimate contact and Dean hadn’t even
flinched when his friend grabbed him in an almost suffocating hug. As soon as
those alpha hormones kicked in with a vengeance, Castiel would want to claim
Dean with a mating bite and then there was no going back. Bobby coughed
awkwardly and adjusted his cap again. Dean thought he caught a splash of colour
on both cheeks.
“How old are you now, Dean?” He asked slowly.
“Fourteen next birthday, sir.”
Bobby nodded thoughtfully. That seemed answer enough for him to try and make
the boys understand how serious it would be if they ever crossed that line.
“Means they sort of do what their alpha wants them to.” His cheap attempt at
diplomacy only made Dean want to know more and he was waiting for a decent
explanation with hope filling his eyes. Castiel had a feeling he knew exactly
what Bobby was hinting at, developing knot giving a little pulse at the
thought. “It’s real hard for me to explain ‘cause I ain’t neither. I don’t know
what it’s like, but alphas usually want to dominate their mates. It doesn’t
always mean that’s a bad thing.” He added quickly, when he saw Dean’s
expression start to blank over again. Bobby almost fell over himself to let
Dean know why it was sometimes okay to be mated to an alpha. “It also means
protection, care. Having someone who wants to look after you and keep you safe
from harm.” Bobby smiled and spared a hesitant glance at Castiel. His hands
were still resting on the top of Dean’s stomach. “That don’t sound so bad now,
does it?” His voice was unexpectedly soft and Dean started to believe
everything might be alright after all, even if his Cas really was an alpha. He
shook his head and leaned into Castiel so much he could feel his heartbeat
thumping against his back. “That a boy.” Bobby encouraged, before beckoning for
them both to follow him. “Come with me, lads. There’s somethin’ you should
see.” He helped Dean to stand again so the boys could trail after him and led
them through the ground floor. Bobby nodded over his shoulder when he opened
the door to the living area.
If Dean thought his own room was untidy, this was organized chaos on a whole
new level. The walls were lined with shelves and bookcases that were heaving
under the strain of so much weight and every surface was littered with clutter
and empty whisky bottles. To the untrained eye it looked like a landfill, but
to Dean and Castiel it was a gold mine bursting with information that might
help them to learn more about their fate. The boys scanned the room with huge
eyes and Bobby soon took Dean by the arm and steered him towards the back wall.
He had stopped crying but his chest was still stuttering pitifully with every
breath. Bobby leaned into him so he could whisper in his ear.
“Dean, you don’t have to feel ashamed 'cause you have a heart. Most omegas are
very sensitive and it’s a lot to take in. Just so you know, kid, I don’t think
any less of you for shedding a few tears.” Dean nodded gratefully. Sometimes
Bobby was surprisingly perceptive.
“Thanks.” Dean mumbled. He was still staring up at the many rows of books and
couldn’t seem to look Bobby in the eye, even after what he said. “I was just
thinkin’ about my mom… and Cas.” He added quietly, but Castiel was already
distracted by so much to look at, he had wandered aimlessly to the other side
of the room. “Sam told me those alphas are hurting people. I can't think about
what that would mean if he really was one. I don’t wanna have to fight with
someone who means so much to me. I know some of them want to be better than
us.” Bobby was so startled by how readily Dean seemed to accept the idea he
might be an omega after all, he couldn’t hide the look of amazement on his
face. It was almost like the boy was already feeling some kind of latent
sympathy like it was just in his nature to stand up for what he was. Bobby
rushed to mask his surprise by pointing out a section of wall that Dean might
find helpful and shifted some papers on his desk to try and find a bottle that
hadn’t been drained dry. “I don’t know what to look for.” Dean admitted
helplessly, while he searched the shelves for some kind of inspiration. His
mind wasn’t on it after everything Bobby had said and he couldn’t seem to
concentrate at all. He almost wished Sammy was there to help. Bobby lifted
himself up to reach the top of the bookcase. He took down a heavy volume and
passed it silently to Dean. It was covered in many layers of dust and had an
old leather cover that was worn with age.
“You might wanna start with this... it’s got the basics. Some stuff in there
about text book signs, no pun intended. It shows you what to look for when an
alpha or omega presents.” Dean flicked through some of the pages hoping there
might be some pictures but it looked like it was written a long time ago by
some boring stiff in a university library somewhere. His heart sank. He wasn’t
exactly a prime candidate for advanced placement in literary research but he
didn’t say anything in case he hurt Bobby’s feelings. Dean knew he was going
out of his way to help them. “Have you noticed anything else that’s changed
lately, like teeth or markings?” Dean gasped in a breath when he suddenly
remembered the dark patches that had started to spread down Castiel’s stomach.
He still covered up most of the time but Dean was certain his skin looked
different the last time he saw it up close. Dean thought Bobby might know more
about it but it wasn’t his place to say. He sure seemed to have an unusually
extensive knowledge about something Dean hadn’t even heard of until Castiel
dropped into his life and hoped he might find some enlightenment in the fading
pages instead of having to tell Bobby everything straight away.
“Maybe… I don’t know.”
Bobby knew he was stalling and let it go. That was definitely a conversation
for another time and he didn’t want to overload the lad with too much
information and cause a full-scale meltdown.
“Sometimes you can mask some of the signs with these pills that suppress it if
you need to.” He was being really careful about what he said. There was no way
Dean was ready to learn about heats or knotting and he sure as hell didn’t want
to put that idea in his head just yet. Bobby was almost certain he wasn’t in
any immediate danger of either but getting hold of suppressants in a little
backwater in the middle of nowhere would be almost impossible. “I get it, kid.
You got enough to be thinkin’ on for now, but if something like that happens
you’re gonna have to tell someone sooner or later.”
“No.” Dean replied, without any hesitation. His mind was already made up about
keeping it a secret for as long as they could. “I can’t, Bobby. I’m real
grateful for you letting us look through this stuff but I daren’t risk anyone
knowing about us if there’s even a chance you’re right. I’m scared my dad
wouldn’t understand and we just want to be together.” Bobby could see the
determination on his face and Dean was probably right. Suspecting was one
thing, but finding out your omega son had chosen a potential mate at that
tender age was one too many hits for John to take after everything that
happened with Mary.
“Honestly, he ain’t said nothing about that. He just told me you two were
pretty close but I don’t think it’s even occurred to him Castiel might be an
alpha.” Bobby tried so hard to stop himself from spitting out the next sentence
but it fell from his mouth anyway. “I don’t think for a second he’d let you
spend so much time together if he knew.” He deliberately softened the edge to
his voice but he could see Dean was starting to slip into panic mode again. The
thought someone might try and separate them by force was too much to even think
about. Dean sometimes believed he would actually just pine away and die if
Castiel was ever taken from him. His eyes started to fill up again and Bobby
kicked himself for saying something so stupid when Dean was already upset. He
hated to see that kid torn apart but he couldn’t deny it was all a very real
possibility. “I’m not sayin’ he is, Dean.” Any lingering doubt Castiel was an
alpha had actually dissipated with every look of devotion that passed between
them but he couldn’t bring himself to confirm all Dean’s fears and change his
life forever before it had really begun. Bobby wanted that boy to hang on to
the peaceful freedom of childhood for as long as he possibly could. “I just
think he might be, but nothin’s set in stone and your dad don’t have to know
anything, not yet.”
“You won’t tell him, will you?” Dean asked suddenly. He was biting into the
skin of his lip so hard it almost turned white.
“Not a word.” Bobby whispered. His voice was warm and sincere. There was a lot
of affection in that soft smile and now he would watch out for Dean more than
ever. “I know how important it is for you to have a best friend like that.”
“Not just my best friend.” Dean’s eyes were shining again when he turned his
head so he could just look at Castiel and soak in every perfect contour of the
young alpha he was falling in love with. “That’s my heart.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Discovery *****
24. Discovery
Castiel slowly lifted up his head to glance over one shoulder. Those piercing
eyes flickered with a soft blue light when he caught Dean staring at him.
Castiel was too far away to have heard that sweet little confession to Bobby
and just seemed to sense when Dean was watching him. His mouth curved up at one
corner when their eyes locked. Bobby saw Castiel give a blink so slow and
deliberate, if he didn’t know any better he would have thought it was a
calculated attempt at seduction.
Castiel was starting to exude a potent sexuality he probably didn’t even know
he had, so different from the shy introvert who arrived in Haven with a bump
and impacted Dean’s life like no one else ever could. Bobby almost felt the
charge in the air between them and the look they shared didn’t need any
explanation. Those boys had a bond of mutual acceptance and loyalty most people
were never lucky enough to find after a lifetime together. Bobby was struggling
to understand how they managed to keep their hands off each other. He could see
they were already emotionally connected in a way that left him speechless. It
took him a few seconds before he could say anything at all.
“I can see that.” Bobby said quietly, when he finally managed to find his voice
again. Dean told him he already let Castiel hold on to his heart with such
childlike simplicity, it was actually kind of sad. The boys were so young and
hopeful. They could have had the world by the tail but now the political
disturbance was spreading across the country like a pandemic sickness and Bobby
had no doubt it would shape their futures and turn them into people they were
never meant to be. He could read Dean like his own and as cute as it was they
were falling so hard for each other, hearts can be broken. Especially when you
give yours away to someone else. “It sure looks like he feels the same way
about you.” Bobby added gently, trying to hide his concern that their
dependency on each other was bordering on dangerous. “Be careful, son. That’s
all I’m saying.” Dean just gave him a lop-sided smile when his eyes glazed over
again. He finally let out a long breath and turned most of his attention back
to Bobby. There was so much information sifting through his head, it hurt and
he still wasn’t sure how he felt about the possibility of Castiel being an
alpha. It might mean they would be able to stay together but Dean couldn’t
ignore the cold warning that caused his stomach to twist into knots when he
thought about how vulnerable he might be if anyone discovered what he was. No
one should ever have to be ashamed of being different. Dean once said the same
thing to Castiel when he first saw the puppy markings that spattered his
shoulders. Somehow it didn’t feel quite the same when he was the one who needed
to hear it.
Bobby let both boys have free range of his makeshift library and pointed them
in the right direction every now and then to try and help target their search
for information. After an hour or so they stacked a few books on the corner of
Bobby’s desk for future reference and helped to tidy up as best they could.
Dean knew it was getting late and he wanted to start heading back so they could
spend some time together by the water before they had to go home.
“We gotta get goin', Bobby.” Dean said reluctantly. Castiel was pressed up
against his side before Dean even had the chance to turn around to leave.
“Thanks for everything. Can we stop by again if we need to ask you something?”
“’Course you can.” Bobby told him, while his gaze casually drifted back to the
line of decaying spines. Dean wondered how long he had actually been collecting
all that stuff for or why he would care about alphas and omegas in the first
place. There was more to that man than met the eye and Dean swore he would ask
him about it when his shattered nerves managed to crawl back up to par. “You’re
always welcome. Both of you.” He added, with a token glance at Castiel. “You
can take one of these with you, if you like.” Bobby turned again and this time
his face seemed particularly lined with care. He suddenly looked so serious,
Dean almost laughed. “Don’t tell your dad I suggested it, but maybe you two
should spend a bit of time on your own and go through some of the signs so you
know what to expect. You really need to read up on this… unless you think it’s
just the whisky talkin’.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Don’t you sass me, boy.” Bobby said quickly, but there was a fondness behind
his eyes that was full of relief. The kid he knew was still in there somewhere
underneath all the confusion and fear. Dean soon started to feel much better
than he had all afternoon when he saw the way that man was smiling down at him.
“You ain’t too big to go over my knee.”
Bobby suspected Dean was still scared and guessed he was hiding most of his
distress under a fragile mask of detachment. That unexpected stream of
desperate tears was much more disturbing than he let on. He would have put good
money on Dean never breaking down in front of anyone like that and it told
Bobby a hell of a lot about how much he relied on Castiel to hold all his
broken pieces together. An alpha’s touch seemed to bring out a more delicate
and emotional side to Dean that Bobby didn’t even know he had. He imagined that
lad would be very responsive to submission if they ever got to mate.
“I don’t really know what to do with all this, Bobby.” Dean sighed, but decided
to take one anyway. Castiel would probably be much better at reading some of
the stupidly long words that caught Dean’s eye when he leafed through a couple
of chapters in the first book Bobby handed him. He was itching to get back down
to the pond so they could be alone again. That purposeful flick of long dark
eyelashes from the other side of Bobby’s living room had made his pulse beat so
fast it was only a matter of time before he would let Castiel dominate him
completely and Dean was strangely okay with that.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Bobby replied. They said their goodbyes and
Dean was confident his secret was safe for now. He hadn’t expected to admit how
much Castiel meant to him but now he’d said it there wasn’t much point in
pretending any different. He was smitten, and there was nothing he could do
about it. Dean had no idea what it was like to be in love but guessed the way
he felt about Castiel was about as close as he was ever going to get. Bobby had
a quiet misgiving that wouldn’t leave him alone when he watched the two boys
disappear round the corner at the end of his yard. He had promised Dean he
wouldn’t say anything to John and had no intention of betraying his trust. John
Winchester had been his friend for a long time but Bobby knew Dean was
frightened and more vulnerable than he could possibly imagine. His dad always
had a habit of sticking his head in the sand when it came to dealing with
anything serious but he was far from stupid. Bobby didn’t think it would take
much for him to click on that their bond had gone way beyond a simple childhood
friendship.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel reached out for Dean when they walked back along the dusty track and
over the edge of the meadow, but they hadn’t quite progressed to the stage of
public hand-holding yet. Castiel was very persistent and Dean needed the
comfort after everything that happened at Bobby’s. A little flutter of
excitement stroked his stomach when the ends of their fingers brushed against
each other while they stumbled over the unforgiving ground that was baked hard
by the persistent heat of the Kansas summer.
When they got to the rise of the bank, Castiel dropped the book down and
settled flat on his stomach in the dry grass. He pushed off his sneakers with
his toes and kicked his legs up behind him while he opened up the pages and
glanced through the index. Dean was more than happy to let him instinctively
take charge of recon. He draped one leg either side of Castiel’s ass and
lowered himself down to sit on his back while the late afternoon sun beat down
on his shoulders. Dean settled perfectly into the dip at the base of his
friend’s spine and played with the ends of Castiel’s hair while he waited.
The constant stroke of Dean’s fingertips against his already sensitive skin
made Castiel want to turn over so they could cuddle some more but he suddenly
hesitated, scared Dean might see the round swelling that had grown without
warning at the sensation of having searching hands relentlessly teasing the
back of his neck. It hadn’t been helped by Dean constantly shifting around on
top of him while he made a half-hearted attempt to read the book over Castiel’s
shoulder. He tried so hard to ignore the temptation, but Castiel just couldn’t
resist the desire to slip over onto his back. He drew in a sharp rush of air,
captivated by each line of the perfect face that was gazing down at him. The
glow of golden sunshine made Dean look even more beautiful when the light
bounced off every flawless curve and Castiel couldn’t help himself when he
reached up to pull Dean down on top of him. The need to bite that boy again was
almost overpowering and the blood rushed through him and stirred his arousal.
Images of that tanned skin stretching all the way down Dean’s stomach made
Castiel want to smother himself with sweet scent and the tempting weight of an
omega body pressing down against him. It sent him tumbling over the edge of
self-control and he nipped carelessly at any part of exposed skin he could
reach while Dean willingly let Castiel tug at his hips until they were so close
he could feel the push of a little knot underneath him. It caused Castiel to
make an impulsive decision, and he blurted it out before the angel on his
shoulder slapped him across the back of the hand and made him change his mind.
“Dean.” Castiel’s hot breath skimmed across Dean’s neck when he pulled him even
closer. “Let’s come back here tonight… we can sneak out.” He pleaded, trying to
seal his promise by leaving a trail of tiny kisses all the way up Dean’s jaw
until he reached his lips. “I just want to be with you all the time.” Castiel’s
words were quickly swallowed by the welcoming space of Dean’s open mouth when
it pushed against his own with so much desperation it left them both
breathless. Castiel closed his eyes and forced away the pain of spending
another night alone. The thought of having to wait until morning to see Dean
again made him feel ill.
“Cas… I don’t know.” Dean said cautiously, pulling away just enough to show
Castiel he didn’t think it was a good idea. If they got caught, his dad would
ground him for at least a million years and then they wouldn’t be able to see
each other at all. He didn’t think he wanted to take the risk.
“Please, Dean. Stay with me tonight.”
Castiel was always so persuasive when he wanted something, Dean was finding it
increasingly hard to say no to him. The chance to spend the evening together
under the stars was almost too good to pass up and Dean suddenly felt
unbearably warm again. The muggy air just fuelled an already smouldering heat
that started to rise up in the pit of his stomach with every drag of
undeveloped canines against his throat. It only took a few licks of rough alpha
tongue to persuade him there was no down side to a romantic rendezvous with
zero risk of Sam butting in on some bullshit pretense every five minutes.
“Okay.” Dean gasped, between determined caresses down the length of his back.
“Okay, Cas… I’ll do it.” He was rewarded with a long wet kiss that made his
whole body tremble.
“Maybe you could tell your dad you’re allowed to stay at mine and we can come
down here later.” Castiel said, through a rush of inspiration. “I don’t suppose
he’ll check and then we can meet up here. There’s something I want to tell
you.” He added softly.
They eventually got up to leave after arranging to meet up at midnight by the
side of the pond where no one would find them, even if John or Alex noticed
they were missing. Their hearts were full of hope at the thought of being able
to spend the night together when they rounded the bend at the end of the street
and headed back to the corner house first. It had taken Castiel the best part
of an hour to summon up enough courage to tell his dad a blatant lie just to
satisfy a selfish desire to have Dean all to himself without the risk of being
discovered. Castiel almost had a heart attack on the spot when he realized Alex
was already waiting at the door for his son to come home. He stopped short at
the end of the driveway when he saw the stern expression stretched tightly
across his father’s face. Dean’s resolve soon faltered and he moved behind his
friend, watching Alex carefully from the shelter of Castiel’s shoulder.
“Dean.” Alex nodded a forced greeting when the two boys approached and gestured
for Castiel to go inside. He hung his head and crept past his father,
disappearing into the house without another word. Dean could see something was
terribly wrong and hoped Castiel would be there later when he broke out to keep
their promise to meet up after dark. Dean slinked back across the road with a
sense of unease pulling at every corner of his heart.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Cruel Intentions *****
25. Cruel Intentions
Castiel could feel the spit pooling in his mouth while he waited anxiously for
his father to come back inside, hurriedly processing the last few days in his
head. Castiel was pretty sure they were alone every time he and Dean shared a
kiss. Maybe they hadn’t been quite as careful as they thought and his dad had
seen something he shouldn’t. Castiel was ready for him.
“Where were you?” Alex demanded, pushing the front door shut behind him. He
stared at Castiel expectantly while he waited for a reply. “I couldn’t find you
anywhere.”
“I just walked into town.” Castiel said after a pause, deliberately missing out
the bit about going to Bobby’s garage with Dean or trying to do some research
on what to look for in a presenting omega. That wouldn’t have been quite so
easy to explain away. “I didn’t think you would need me this afternoon.”
Castiel added, as politely as he could. He recognized the silent warning hidden
just under the surface of the hostile expression that greeted him at the bottom
of the driveway. Castiel wanted to find out what his dad really knew about his
relationship with Dean before he said anything incriminating.
“Well, you might have let me know, Castiel. I have news.” Alex offered. Castiel
knew he was trying to attempt a smile but it was so forced it only made his
heart sink even lower. His dad had never shown the slightest interest in how he
spent his days before and the revelation he’d actually been actively looking
for him made Castiel very nervous. He wondered what he could possibly have done
now that was so terrible. He imagined his father had picked out some stupid
classes for him to catch up what he missed last semester or finally decided on
a school to dump him in for next year. What came out of his mouth was the last
thing Castiel expected. “Your mother wants to see you. You’re going home.” Alex
waited for Castiel to smile, or maybe say thank you for letting him spend some
time with the family he left behind, but his face fell when he realized that
should have gone down a lot better than it did. Castiel visibly paled at the
thought of having to be away from Dean at all, and Haven was such a long way
from Peoria it might as well be in another galaxy.
“What?” Castiel gasped in disbelief. Not so long ago he would have jumped at
the chance to go back, but now he didn’t want anything to get in the way of
being with Dean. He was the most valuable thing in his little world and Castiel
would have given anything to stay with him. He didn’t even try to hide the look
of horrified disappointment that made his eyes widen in alarm. “No… I don’t
want to go home.” The tremble of dismay in his voice made Alex frown so hard
with confusion his face was all screwed up. It wasn’t exactly the response he
was expecting.
“What’s wrong with you?” Alex shook his head and stared down at his son in
amazement. “You played hell when I told you we were coming here and now you
don’t want to go back?” His father stopped mid-bollocking when he saw the flush
of colour on Castiel’s cheeks. He suddenly seemed very interested in his feet.
“Wait. Does this have anything to do with that Winchester boy?” Alex needed to
know what was so important it could have caused such a drastic change of heart,
but he already knew the truth before the question was out.
Castiel didn’t say anything. His silence was more than answer enough. It just
made Alex even more convinced he was becoming far too reliant on the friendship
he had built with the boy from across the road. Alex knew Castiel never found
it very easy to forge social connections but Dean Winchester had slowly started
to dominate his life and soak up every second of his time. His son’s
infatuation with him was really quite obvious now he looked back. Their stay in
Haven was always intended to be temporary and he remembered the fit Castiel
threw the first time he was told they were moving. He would have to start
school again at the end of the summer and Alex was serious about him boarding
to try and put an end to wasting his days playing in the sunshine. He was
determined any boy of his would be leaving such tempting distractions behind so
he could actually make something of himself. Castiel was never at home lately
anyway, so it didn’t really matter if Alex packed him off and let the
educational system deal with him.
“It’s only for a visit, Castiel. You don’t need to be quite so dramatic about
it.” Alex tried hopelessly to sell the prospect of being able to repair some of
the damage all his alpha frustrations had caused. Misdirected aggression had
made him lash out in his desperation to find his true mate, but he still didn’t
really know why. His father would never understand the bond he had with Dean.
“Just to see how things go now you seem to have calmed down a bit.”
“I said I don’t want to leave.” Castiel cried in defiance, starting to panic
when he could see all his protests were completely useless.
“Castiel.” Alex said sternly. The boy’s reaction was disturbing to say the
least. Alex now guessed well enough why he wanted to stay and if Dean
Winchester was having that much of an influence over his life decisions, it was
unhealthy and it needed to be stopped. “It was supposed to be a reward for you
being much better lately. Your behaviour has improved so much since we came
here. I wanted your mother to see how much progress you’ve made.” Castiel
wasn’t sure how he managed to keep his mouth shut after that. He wasn’t a case
study to be paraded in front of his family now his father considered him ready
to be released back into society. Alex hardly spoke to him at all if he could
avoid it and now he wanted to take all the credit for something he had nothing
to do with. It was Dean who had made him whole again and Castiel coveted that
boy more than anything he ever wanted in his life. Dean was everything to him
and nothing could ever take his place in Castiel’s heart. Now he longed to see
him more than ever. He didn’t think he could manage to survive until midnight
and the promise of feeling Dean’s soft warm skin under his fingertips again.
“I don’t expect you to understand.” Castiel sighed. He was so close to tears,
he could feel a lump bobbing up in his throat at the thought of leaving. “But I
really want to stay, Dad. Please don’t make me go.” Alex wasn’t listening
anymore. He was so stunned by the reaction, he chose to ignore it in the hope
Castiel would manage to get whatever it was out of his system before they got
back.
“Stop being such a baby and get in the car.” His father ordered, expecting
Castiel to wait for him outside while he grabbed his wallet and keys. They were
taking a trip into Hutchinson first to stock up on a few supplies for the drive
home. “If you hurry up we can be back before dark and then you can get an early
night. You’ll feel much better about it all in the morning.” Alex attempted,
just before he turned his back on him again so he couldn’t see the heavy drops
of misery that were slowly filling Castiel’s eyes.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean couldn’t settle at all while he anxiously watched the hours tick by. He
had to fill the painful drag of every single minute while he waited for
darkness to fall with the promise of seeing Castiel again and planning his
escape. Sam was loitering in the hallway like he had some sort of sixth sense
something was going down. Dean was almost tempted to tie him up and hide him in
the closet. He eventually crawled off to bed when he couldn’t keep his eyes
open any longer.
Dean wriggled out of his bedroom window as soon as he knew Sam and his dad were
asleep and was standing by the edge of the water by a quarter to twelve. Dean
knew he was early and the wrench in his stomach got worse with every second
that passed when Castiel didn’t appear. The relief almost made his legs give
way when he saw those bright eyes shining through the darkness. Castiel
sprinted down the bank and threw his arms around Dean’s neck with so much force
he knocked him completely off his feet. They rolled around in the grass with
their mouths fixed together until Castiel was so stimulated by having Dean
pinned on his back, he forced himself to pull away before he gave in to the
sweet temptation that was squirming underneath him and let his hands wander.
Castiel originally intended to tell Dean he could tick just about every alpha
box there was going after looking through the book Bobby had given them. He no
longer had any doubt Dean was the other half of his mating bond and he knew
they should be together. Now he couldn’t think about anything else but having
to leave in the morning and everything he longed to share with Dean that night
had gone out the window. Castiel wanted to claim him as soon as he presented so
no one would ever be able to separate them. The ever present threat of his
father sending him away for good was making him impulsive. He was determined to
mark Dean before anyone could force them apart.
“I’m so glad you made it, Cas.” Dean gasped breathlessly. “I gotta say I was
scared you wouldn’t be able to get away. Why was your dad so pissed?” Castiel
didn’t answer and Dean knew at once something had really upset him. His heart
stuttered in fright. “What? What’s the matter?” Dean’s voice was suddenly high
and unsteady. Castiel hushed him with a gentle embrace.
“I have to go back to Peoria in the morning.”
“What? Why?” Dean could feel his throat close up when he made a grab for
Castiel's shoulders. His eyes were desperately searching Castiel's and waiting
for him to admit it was all just a terrible joke.
“I’m so sorry, Dean. I have to visit my mother but my dad says it’s only for a
day or two.” Dean suddenly started shivering so Castiel reached round a bit
more and pushed one hand down the back of his pants to take his mind off it. He
could feel soft round curves under his palm when he dared to search a little
deeper and carefully stroked one finger down the middle of Dean's ass while he
whispered affirmations and swore there was nothing to be afraid of. Castiel had
to be the strong one now. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to be scared I won’t
come back for you.”
“I’m not.”
Castiel knew Dean was lying as soon as he opened up that pretty mouth. His body
was still too immature to be mated but nature was trying to push him in to
being ready. Every touch stimulated his oil glands to produce more slick,
dripping with a mixture of aromatic chemicals that drove Castiel’s alpha crazy.
There was something in those pheromones that pushed Castiel into wanting to
take care of Dean but he could smell his fear as well. It was so strong it
almost completely masked the scent of his arousal. He couldn’t pinpoint the
exact moment when their roles had changed so dramatically but it didn’t matter.
Castiel wanted Dean to know he would never hurt him. All he wanted was to
protect him and make sure he was safe. If he had to wait until Dean’s body was
ready for him then that was okay, too. Castiel closed his eyes and breathed him
in, knowing Dean had been trying to convince himself rather than anything else.
He humoured him anyway.
They spent a long time just cuddling and staring up at the clear sky until Dean
felt his eyes start to flutter shut. The darkness didn't make the pain go away
and he leaned into the comfort of Castiel’s side when he put his arm around him
and kissed the top of his head. Dean didn’t think he would be able to face one
single day without him.
“I can’t stay much longer.” Castiel said reluctantly. “My dad will be in to get
me up early for the drive.”
Their uncertainty and helplessness hung in the night air like a serpent waiting
to strike.
“I don’t want you to go.” Dean murmured. “It’s like I’ve almost been expecting
your dad to do something, but I never really believed he meant to send you
back.” Dean was just staring at Castiel’s face like he was trying to remember
every line and curve, willing that perfect image to stay locked in his memory
until he saw him again. “I wish I had something to help me feel close to you
until you come back.”
“Hey, that reminds me. I got you something.” Castiel said with a gasp, patting
the front of his jeans like he was feeling for whatever he put in there earlier
to keep it safe. “I almost forgot.” He stuck one hand deep into his pocket and
fished out a crumpled length of leather cord he spent every last cent of his
allowance on when he'd been dragged to Hutchinson again. He held it up in the
half-light and Dean could just make out the shape of a friendship band. “Just
in case you forget about me while I’m gone.” He added quietly. Dean tutted,
like that was one of the most ridiculous things Castiel had ever said. He
watched the movement of nimble fingers while Castiel reached for his hand and
wrapped the band around Dean’s wrist. He tied the ends together in a double
knot to make sure it wouldn’t slip off and suddenly yanked Dean’s hand up to
his mouth. He bit off the stray cord with a snap. Dean found himself unable to
pull his gaze away from the shine on Castiel’s lips when he flicked out his
tongue and licked away the bitter taste of worn leather. “Well, I suppose that
makes you my best friend now, then.” Castiel smiled, as if that hadn’t been in
the back of his mind at all during the forty-five minutes it took him to pick
out the right one.
“Like I wasn’t before.” Dean gave him a sad smile. “Thank you, Cas. I love it.”
He looked so lost, Castiel thought his own heart might break right there.
“I am coming back, Dean.” Castiel whispered. “I’m coming back for you. Even if
I have to walk every step.”
Dean stilled. It was so affectionate and sincere it made him feel a sense of
warmth only Castiel could give him. He snuggled up even closer and threaded his
arm across Castiel’s middle. Dean dragged him in to kiss his cheek, trying to
pretend it didn’t feel like he was dying inside.
“Damn… so that means I’m stuck with you, then?”
“Shut up. You love me.”
“Hardly.” Dean snorted, but he soon stopped laughing and pulled away to stare
out across the pond in silence. It almost looked like black glass under the
hint of moonlight. He suddenly seemed very serious. Castiel frowned a little
when he watched the small changes in the way Dean’s mouth moved like he was
going to say something else but he just lay flush against Castiel’s side
instead. Dean gently stroked one hand across Castiel’s body, ghosting his
fingertips across the pert buds on his chest and down his stomach until he
reached the top of his pants. He could see Castiel’s dick give a little twitch
at the contact but Dean knew if they went any further he wasn’t sure he would
be able to stop himself from touching it. “Come on.” He stammered, flustered by
how much he wanted to keep going. “We best go back before Sam wakes up and
sends out a search party.” Castiel sat up slowly and reached out for Dean’s
pinkie like he always did when it was time for them to go home, but this time
Castiel took a chance and made out he needed Dean to pull him all the way up.
As soon as their hands touched, he wrapped all his fingers around Dean’s palm
and held his hand so tightly it hurt. He didn’t let go until they reached the
edge of the meadow.
“I’ll see you soon, Dean.” Castiel breathed, dipping down to take one last
precious kiss before he headed back round the corner. Dean tipped his head back
instead and presented his throat without even realizing what he was doing. He
let Castiel rub their hips together while he sucked noisy wet marks all the way
down to Dean’s shoulder. Every drag of his mouth was loaded with the beautiful
promise that Dean would be his one day. Castiel was going to secure a claim on
that soft skin and be the alpha Dean needed him to be to always keep him safe.
Dean watched with teary eyes until his friend disappeared into the shadows at
the end of the road. All he could do was hope Castiel would keep his word and
return to him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Cold Comfort *****
26. Cold Comfort
Dean waited in the cold for a long time. He didn’t even notice its bite at
first while he stood on the edge of the empty street, unmoving. Now he couldn’t
seem to shift his feet at all and just stared up helplessly at the little attic
window until the light finally went out. How he hoped for just one last
glimpse, one snapshot in time of those stupidly blue eyes and messy hair he
wanted to bury his face in. Castiel was so close to presenting he would have
happily given in to the drag of curious fingertips down the front of his jeans.
Dean didn’t really know why he stopped and now the omega in him wished he
hadn’t. Part of him just wanted to touch every single inch of Castiel and soak
up all those drops of fresh alpha musk. It was starting to leak out of pores
slowly opening up on his skin the closer Castiel got to maturity. The
devastating loss only really hit him when Dean saw the glow from Castiel’s room
become consumed by darkness. The light wasn’t coming back on. Castiel would be
gone in the morning and Dean didn’t know how he was supposed to go on without
him. He eventually dragged himself back across the road with two faint lines
glistening on his cheeks when his face was suddenly caught in a flicker of
yellow light when he moved between the street lamps on his way back to the
house.
He should have guessed something bad would happen. Nothing lasts forever and
everyone always left him sooner or later. His fear that was their last goodbye
had certainly not been helped by the way Castiel’s father had looked at him
earlier like he was just an inconvenience in his life. Maybe he was. Castiel
had made a promise, though. A promise to come back for him.
Dean flopped down onto his bed with a sigh. He was lying on top of the sheets
and staring out the open window without blinking, not even bothering to shut it
after crawling back inside. He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his
stomach that pulled hard at his insides when he saw Castiel get swallowed by
the dark shadows at the side of the house. Dean closed his eyes, even though he
knew sleep wouldn’t come. The last words Castiel said to him were resonating in
his head like a prayer he would hold on to until they saw each other again.
He couldn’t deny it anymore. Dean loved Castiel - loved him with everything he
had.
His eyes suddenly snapped open when he heard a door open down the hall and Dean
stirred again. It almost seemed disloyal to fall asleep and rest when he
doubted very much Castiel would have settled down so quickly. Dean imagined him
lying in the small dark room with the same pain inside him. He wondered
absently if Castiel was crying too.
He blinked his misty eyes so he could see better in the dim light and closely
examined the band Castiel had given him. There were two leather strands bound
together like a circle of tiny infinity symbols linked around his arm, but the
meaning was lost on him. All Dean knew was it still smelled like Castiel from
being stuffed inside his pocket. Dean couldn’t get that scent out of his head
and he didn’t really want to. His eyes started to hurt again. He was mindlessly
twisting the cord around his wrist when he heard Sam shuffle sleepily to the
bathroom, his little feet dragging across the fraying carpet. Sam always got up
to pee like clockwork and Dean could have set his watch by that kid’s routine.
He always put it down to the three litres of cheap cola he slugged every day
but maybe he sensed something was wrong. Sam seemed to be really tuned in to
how Dean was feeling lately but right now nothing else mattered and Dean
couldn’t find it in him to care.
That vow Castiel made was all he had to keep from giving in to the treacherous
seed of despair growing inside him, but Dean believed him. Believed the look in
his eyes just before he brushed hungry lips against his neck. He could still
sense the little nips against his skin. Dean instinctively ran his hand over it
to touch the last trace of Castiel’s tongue, hoping he would be covered in
bruises in the morning so he could stare at his reflection when he woke up and
remember how Castiel’s mouth felt against his throat. Dean kicked himself for
not asking to look after Bobby’s book so he could read through it while he was
gone. It would give him something to do at least. The days without that boy
were going to drag like a bitch and Dean didn’t even want to get out of bed,
let alone think about going back outside. Dragonfly pond could never be the
same now until Castiel had returned to him and Dean didn’t want to go there
without him. It wouldn’t be right.
He silently held the band up to his mouth and hoped Sam wouldn’t smell his
body’s response to Castiel’s scent when he heard his own bedroom door creak
open. Dean couldn’t even spell self-lubrication if he tried and didn't really
understand what it was. He only knew it kept happening every time Castiel
kissed him and that had to mean something. The space was soon wide enough for
Sam to fit his shaggy head through the gap. He could just make out a rigid
silhouette and waited patiently in the doorway. Sam knew his big brother like
the back of his hand and soon figured out he was only pretending to be asleep.
Dean didn’t even turn around. He could hear Sam’s heavy breaths behind him.
“What’s the matter?” Sam asked quietly. He stumbled into the room, rubbing at
his eyes out of habit when he sat down on the edge of the bed. Dean was usually
the first to tell him to do one or call him a dipshit for invading his personal
space but he didn’t even blink when Sam moved next to him. He could feel Dean’s
legs trembling against his thighs where his pyjama shorts had hitched up. “Why
are you so cold?” The words were out before he even settled himself into the
dip of Dean’s back. Sam cuddled up behind him like he knew Dean wanted the
comfort somehow. It was a poor second to having his alpha pushed up against him
but Dean needed that physical contact and Sam could feel his own heart racing
when he started to get scared. The silent brooding was so unlike him. Even
youth and inexperience couldn’t persuade Sam something wasn’t really wrong and
no matter how many times Dean teased him or took the last cookie, Sam loved him
and hated to see him so upset. He tried to pull the corner of the sheet over
his brother’s legs to warm him up but Dean just shucked it off and buried his
wet face in the pillow. “Did you sneak out again?” Sam whispered. There was
still a chill breeze blowing in from the open window and he knew how much they
wanted to be together. Sam guessed Dean wouldn’t have thought twice about going
AWOL to be with him. He shuffled his butt down the bed a bit. “What happened?
Is Cas okay?”
Dean shook his head and wiped his hand across the end of his nose. He still had
his back to Sam, his body shuddering every once in a while when he tried to get
his breath back and stop the tears from falling again. He didn’t want his
little brother to see him cry. He had a reputation to maintain, after all. His
voice was cracked and dry when he finally managed to answer.
“No. His dad wants him to go back home for a while.”
“Oh.” Everything suddenly made sense. Nine years of life in Dean’s shadow meant
Sam knew him pretty well but all he could manage was to tell him that sucked.
Like he needed reminding. Sam gently curled himself in until he was flush to
every curve of Dean’s body even though his knees were now pulled up towards his
chest to try and make the ache in his belly go away. Sam didn’t think it was a
coincidence his brother was suffering as soon as he and Castiel had parted.
“S’that why you’re sad?” He knew it was a stupid question as soon as he said it
but Dean didn’t seem to notice. Maybe he was just struggling to explain it.
Sam’s warm presence behind him couldn’t take away the emptiness, but it helped
to fill a tiny corner of it.
“Dunno.” Dean said quietly. “I just feel funny.” What started as a dull throb
behind his eyes was now moving down his body like an itch that wouldn’t leave
him alone. He’d put it all down to forcing the tears to stay away but now his
blood was pumping so hard, even Sam could feel vibrations spreading through
Dean’s back and over his own stomach where he was spooning against him.
“Like what? Sick?” Sam frowned. “Maybe it’s just ‘cause you’re upset.” He was
trying so hard to make Dean feel better but all his unexpected attention was
cold comfort. Separation from his alpha was making Dean weak and shaky. Even
though they hadn’t mated yet, there was an emotional bond between them that had
been building so quickly since they first met it felt like a part of him was
missing without Castiel. He knew Sam sensed it too. Dean thought that was kind
of weird for someone who wasn’t like them. Trying to get any sort of verbal
response when his brother was so unhappy was hard work but Sam didn’t give up
trying. “He’s coming back though, right?” Sam dared hesitantly. Dean’s body
suddenly twitched uncontrollably when a flood of fear and heat rushed through
his veins and now he really did feel sick. Dean retched a couple of times and
Sam reached out and rubbed small circles into his back. It was so innocent and
sweet, he couldn’t stop the tears from leaking out again. Sam pretended not to
notice.
“’Course he is.” Dean said at last. The alternative wasn’t something either of
them wanted to think about. Sam hoped he was right. Dean was already a
shivering mess and they’d only been apart a couple of hours. Sam hadn’t said
much to Dean lately about the disturbance in New York, but he kept watching the
news while he waited for his dad to get home from work. He'd almost given up on
seeing Dean from one day to the next and spent so much time alone he sometimes
wondered if anyone remembered he existed at all. He filled the empty hours with
absorbing as much information as he could now he was sure their dad made the
right call. Something told him his brother was really going to need his help
one day.
Sam shifted around behind Dean on top of the bed and ignored how many times he
got an elbow in the ribs or a kick to his knees when Dean kept jumping in the
dark on the edge of sleep. Even in the summer, the nights drew in pretty chilly
after the sun went down and Sam could soon feel little bumps sprouting all over
his skin where his legs were exposed to the air. He tried to sit up and salvage
some of the comforter. He thought about going back to his own room and started
to try and wriggle free when Dean reached one arm behind him and fumbled for
Sam’s hand. He snuggled back under a pitifully small corner of the sheet and
tipped his head up so he could reach Dean’s cheek.
“Do you want me to stay in here with you tonight?”
Dean didn’t say anything. He just pulled Sam’s arm tight around his waist and
closed his eyes again.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel jumped awake in the middle of the night with his heart pounding. It was
still dark outside and he had to wait a few seconds to be able to see anything
at all. He was pulled suddenly from sleep by the same dull pain that had
plagued Dean so badly he held on to Sam all night until they eventually fell
asleep cuddled together. Every limb was heavy and his body throbbed. It was
going to be impossible to settle back down with a swollen aching knot. When he
swallowed it felt like his throat was on fire. Castiel was so desperate for
water it forced him out of bed and he sat alone in the dark, the temptation to
touch himself and bring the release he needed almost more than he could stand.
The silence pressed in close around him and every sleepy thought was loaded
with how desperately he wanted his omega. He already missed Dean so much it
hurt.
Castiel had seen something deep in those green eyes when Dean’s voice had
failed him earlier. The moment when he just stared out across the water after
Castiel said the L-word. It only made him even more determined to sabotage his
visit home and to hell with the consequences. Everyone would be disappointed in
him like they always were but Dean was more important. Castiel was really
scared their time was running out and the morning wasn’t so far away. He knew
that first light of dawn would bring with it a hopelessness he had no idea how
to deal with. All the control and dominance his growing alpha had slowly won
over had been squished to pulp in a heartbeat. Castiel finally realized just
how fragile the life he planned to spend with Dean really was and how easily it
could all be taken away from them. The only choice he had left was to make his
father out to be a liar so he would soon bring him back to Haven and Dean’s
waiting arms.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Heat *****
27. Heat
It was already light outside when Sam woke up. Dean disturbed him so many times
by tossing and turning all night between hourly trips to the bathroom. He was
normally out for the count, so his restlessness just made Sam even more uneasy
something wasn’t right. Dean still had his eyes shut, mumbling a string of
random words Sam couldn’t quite make out. Sam thought he might have been
dreaming about Castiel when Dean kept reaching out like he was trying to grab
hold of something, fingers flexing helplessly around a handful of empty air.
Sam suddenly froze when he realized there was a wet sticky mess sliding between
them. The front of his legs were cold and damp where they were pressed against
the back of Dean’s thighs. Sam could only imagine what it was and cringed when
he tried to shake Dean awake. Sam's hand was still resting on his shoulder when
Dean slowly turned his head to see a little screwed up nose next to his cheek.
Sam jostled him a couple more times to try and rouse him properly and leaned
into his brother without daring to move anymore in case his first instinct was
right.
“Dean? Wake up. I said you might be sick. I think you crapped yourself.”
“What? No I didn’t.” Dean panicked, groping frantically behind him with
trembling fingers. He didn’t really feel any relief when his fingertips slipped
into a patch of oily slick that was now drying on his skin.
“Actually.” Sam said slowly, when he moved back enough to let the powerful
aroma slink free. “It doesn’t smell that bad. More like syrup. What the hell is
it?” Dean stayed on his side and let himself drown in humiliation. It wasn’t
like he even cared anymore. Life would be so much easier if he could just stay
there and close his eyes until Castiel came back and then everything would be
alright again. His whole body seemed determined to betray him. There was a
familiar stirring in the pit of his stomach.
“I don’t know. It only seems to happen when Cas touches me.”
“Explain touches.”
“Sam.”
“I’m serious. I don’t know what you mean. Like how?”
“If we… er, you know, get close.”
“So you have kissed him!” Sam shouted with excitement. Dean quickly shushed him
in case their dad was awake. His big hazel eyes were shining bright as a
beacon, like all his birthdays had come at once. “I knew it! I knew he was your
boyfriend.”
“Well good for you.” Dean cursed himself for his own stupidity at admitting
that to Sam but he was still half-asleep and felt even worse than he did the
night before. Sam sat up and basked in his own glory for a few seconds while
Dean shook off another surge of warmth in his groin. Sam was trying to figure
out how they could get more information about what was really going on.
Watching a few omegas stand up for their rights on television was one thing but
Dean looked like he was in real trouble and they needed some help.
“So, how can we find out?” The library in town was about the size of a matchbox
and would never have stocked anything like that. Sam was so deep in thought he
now had one hand resting over his mouth. “If only we could get to a computer.”
“Computer.” Dean rejected such a ridiculous suggestion without a second
thought. “You don’t even know how to use one.”
“Yes I do.”
Dean huffed at him. He didn’t seem particularly convinced that was true, but it
didn’t really matter if they had no way of getting to one.
“I think I saw one over at the house the other night, but I don’t reckon Mr.
Novak likes me very much so he probably wouldn’t let us use it. ‘Sides, they’ll
be gone by now so we can’t get in to ask anyway.” The painful reminder Castiel
was probably far away and completely out of reach only served to send him
plunging back into a gloomy silence. Sam knew he had to do something before
Dean collapsed in a pile of despair.
“We could go ask around, maybe? You need to see someone, Dean. You’re not
right.” Dean’s breaths were low and shallow while he turned over the
possibility of sharing another secret with Sam. Evidence of the worst possible
thing his little brother could have seen was still splattered all over his
thighs so Dean forced himself to roll over and face him.
“Bobby knows, Sam. We went to see him - me and Cas.”
“Uncle Bobby?”
“Yeah. He knows even more about it than you and he’s got a shitload of books at
his house. He gave us one on omega stuff but Cas took it so I guess it’s still
in his room if he didn’t take it with him. Bobby promised not to tell Dad. I
think we can trust him.”
“Dean.” Sam could always manage to say his name like whatever was about to
follow was the difference between life and death. “Dad’s gonna find out sooner
or later. He already said he thought you were an omega.”
“No he didn’t.”
“Well… he didn’t say the word exactly but that’s what he meant, you know he
did. Why do you keep pretending it’s not important?”
“I don’t. It’s just - ” Sam was now studying Dean like a scientific specimen.
There wasn’t a hope in hell of hiding anything from him anymore so Dean thought
he may as well tell Sam everything. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about
it.” He subconsciously started to twist the band on his wrist again when his
thoughts drifted back to Castiel. “Bobby thought Cas might be an alpha and I’m
scared we’re gonna have to be on opposite sides or somethin’. I don’t want
that, Sam. I don’t want that for us.”
“Cas is an alpha?” Sam was rarely lost for words but his mouth dropped open and
nothing else came out. It sure explained a lot about the way they looked at
each other. Sam didn’t understand why Dean would think that was a bad thing.
“But… wouldn’t that mean you can be together?” He managed at last. “Like really
together. Then Dad won’t be able to do anything ‘cause you’ll be… whatever they
said on the news.” His voice trailed off when he realized Dean wasn’t really
listening to him anyway.
“I wish we had that damn book.” Dean muttered into the pillow. Sam would
probably understand some of it but now they had nothing. “Cas took it to read
and I forgot to ask him before he went home last night.” Dean didn’t mention
they were far too busy making out on the grass to even think about anything
like that. He couldn’t forget the way Castiel tried to push up into his palm
when Dean dared to stroke his hand a little lower. Dean missed him even more
when that sweet memory surfaced. “Bobby said we can go back whenever but I
don’t wanna keep botherin’ him. Besides, I know he promised he wouldn’t tell
an' everything but he might let something slip on accident and I just can’t
risk it. Dad would go mad if he knew me and Cas were seeing each other.”
“Maybe, Dean. You don’t know that though and something’s definitely wrong with
you. You’re hot and cold and all twitchy - then there’s… that.” Sam pulled
another face when he looked down between their bodies a second time and blinked
like an owl when he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. Dean didn’t even
want to move off the bed at all and would have been happy to stay there forever
if he hadn’t needed to pee so bad. He knew he was going to have to get up
again.
“I don’t think it means I’m sick, Sam. It’s not the first time. Shit, I really
gotta go.” Dean sighed, throwing back the covers without caring where they
landed. Sam pushed the comforter away from his face and yawned. He took the
chance to sneak back to his own room and put on a pair of jeans and a clean
shirt. He was going to haul Dean’s ass back to Bobby’s if he had to drag him
every step of the way.
                                 ………. «» ……….
“Dean?” Bobby squinted through the early morning sun when he opened the door.
“Didn’t expect to see you back so soon, kid.” He looked down at the two boys
standing helplessly on his front step. “And you brought Sammy with you this
time. How are you, boy?” He added kindly, ruffling the unruly mess on top of
Sam’s head. Everyone seemed to do that when they hadn’t seen him for a while.
He should probably get a haircut.
“Actually, Uncle Bobby, I brought him. I think there’s something wrong with
Dean and Cas is gone. Can we come in, please?”
“’Course.” Bobby replied after a pause and moved aside. He tried to hide a
tight frown of concern when he spared a discreet glance at Dean as they passed
in the doorway. He was very pink and the sweat was making some of his hair
stick to the side of his cheeks in dark strands. The words Cas is gone struck a
sudden chord of alarm. It didn’t take a massive leap of imagination to figure
out why Dean looked like he could do with a cold shower. The boys waited for
him to lead them through to the living room and Sam gazed around the walls in
awe. They had certainly filled up since his last visit. He'd never seen so many
books in one place outside the library. “What happened?” Bobby asked, even
though he could guess why Dean was suffering so much. “You two been messin’
around? I don’t need any details.” He added quickly. “Yes or no will do just
fine.” Dean pressed his lips together and gave Bobby a shy nod. Sam stared at
him in amazement. He didn’t know they had done anything more than a bit of
spit-swapping and he suddenly felt his own cheeks grow a little warmer at the
idea. He knew they weren’t supposed to do things like that yet.
“Not that.” Dean said, through a hurried rush of air. “Only touchin’ and stuff,
is all. I’ve just felt real weird since Cas went home. Like an itch under my
skin I can’t scratch and I wanna throw up but nothing comes out.”
Bobby seemed to need a moment to take it all in.
“I thought you two were meant to be last time I saw you.” He smiled. “I don’t
think there can be any doubt now, boy. You got a true mate there and you need
to hang on to him.”
“I’m gonna, Bobby… but I don’t think my dad will understand.” Dean said sadly.
“You can’t really blame him for hating the type of man that took your mother.
Do you think he can ever forgive anyone for that?” Dean just shrugged, careful
not to commit himself one way or the other. He hadn’t even considered his
father might want to break them up for that reason. “You know he doesn’t trust
anyone much. I don’t expect he would take so kindly to your Castiel if he knew
for sure he was an alpha.”
“So, we won’t tell him.” Dean tried, watching every little movement on Bobby’s
face to see if he could really count on his loyalty. His blank expression only
faltered when his mouth gave a little twitch.
“If he finds out you knew and said nothin'... well. There’s no telling what he
would do.” Bobby didn’t think it was his place to come between the two of them
but he was worried such reckless deception might come back to bite them.
“That’s a dangerous game you’re playin’.”
Dean thought it best to keep his mouth shut for a while. Bobby had been so kind
to him. Dean believed he wouldn’t say anything deliberately but he also knew
he’d been friends with John a long time and he wasn’t sure Bobby would condone
openly lying to him. Dean saw the look in his eyes when he mentioned his mother
being taken away by an alpha. He never really thought about it much before but
he imagined that cut into his dad a lot more than he ever let on. His parents
obviously weren't meant for each other anyway if John wasn’t an alpha but now
Dean knew what it was like to truly love someone, he couldn’t imagine another
omega taking Castiel away from him. That would hurt something awful.
“But what’s the matter with him?” Sam pulled Bobby back from a flurry of dark
thoughts.
“I need to ask you a couple of questions, Dean, and I want you to be honest,
okay?” Bobby drew in a bit closer to make Dean a little more comfortable with
the mortifying line of interrogation. “You urinating more often than usual?”
Sam’s eyes darted back to Dean but he pretended he was too intent on listening
to Bobby. That explained the relentless overnight bathroom trips. “Certain
shifts in hormone balance can affect your behaviour, but it depends on how
close to presenting you are.” Dean thought he should probably keep quiet about
his growing desire to initiate some sexual contact with Castiel or how he was
always compelled to bend over and lift up his hips every time his alpha was
nestled behind him. He suddenly felt insanely thirsty and had to try very hard
to focus on what Bobby was saying. “You already said you felt bad so I bet you
just wanna curl up and go to sleep without him, right?” Dean didn’t give him a
reply but Bobby could see the sadness in his eyes. It was answer enough. “That
stuff I asked you ‘bout before… if you’re receptive to an alpha there’s
sometimes a bit of blood in it.”
“Dean’s was more like gloopy water.” Sam suddenly piped up. Dean flashed him a
warning glare.
“Man, shut up.”
“I’m just trying to help, Dean.” Sam pouted. “We need to tell him everything so
we can find out what’s happening to you.”
“It’s alright, Sam.” Bobby replied. “I get it… and I’m only tellin’ you all
this ‘cause sometimes mates can’t take being apart for very long. It changes
you, and I kinda like you just the way you are, kid.”
“Mates?”
Bobby gave Dean a small nod and made a point of ignoring the way Sam’s eyes
were now boring into the side of his face like a laser beam. That was the word
he was searching for earlier. He knew exactly what it meant.
“I don’t reckon you should really be thinkin’ about things like that just yet,
but you can’t go against nature. If you two are meant t’be bonded, then who am
I to stand in your way?”
“Thanks, Bobby.” Dean even surprised himself by the need to reach up and give
him a hug. He was so grateful they had someone to talk to. As horrible as it
was without Castiel, at least Dean had got someone's blessing for them to be
together - sort of.
“But what can we do for Dean ‘til Cas comes back?” Sam asked. He looked so
desperate to help.
“Honestly, we can’t do much. It's gonna be unpleasant for a few days, but it’ll
pass. You might get a couple of these things every year depending on how close
you are. Maybe a six month cycle or so while you’re still young. It seems to
happen more often to male omegas for some reason.” Bobby was still muttering
away to himself while he strolled over to a table by the empty grate. The fact
it was just after ten in the morning didn’t seem to have the slightest impact
on the need to pour himself a glass of whisky. “Maybe ‘cause they can’t
reproduce so easily.”
“A cycle? Like girls?” Dean almost fell over. Sam was biting back a smirk when
he saw the look of indignity carved into his brother’s face. “Are you trying to
tell me I’m having a goddamn period?”
“No, son.” Bobby forced down a smile and slowly took off his cap. He was
twirling the edge in his fingers while he struggled to find the best way to
tell Dean the truth. “I think you might be coming into your first heat, and
that means when your Castiel comes back, you and me need to have a little
talk.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Full Circle *****
28. Full Circle
“Why can’t you tell me now?” Dean complained. He was hot and irritable and in
danger of slipping into an epic sulk. He was always having to wait on somebody
to give him a straight answer and everything he’d been told in the last few
minutes hadn’t exactly helped to lift his dark mood. Bobby already said he
wanted to wait for Castiel before he shared all the potentially sordid details
but Dean wasn’t sure he could take the not knowing until his friend came back.
The lonely days ahead without Castiel stretched out in front of him like a
blank canvas of emptiness he had no idea how to fill.
Sam’s eyes flicked hesitantly from Dean to Bobby, the air between them loaded
with heavy silence. Sam tried to wrap his head around the idea his brother
might have any type of cycle at all. It didn’t seem all that likely but he
guessed Bobby wouldn’t have said anything if he wasn’t sure. Everything Sam saw
on the news could never have prepared him for that and he could see by Dean’s
pained expression it was probably the last thing he wanted to hear. They had no
idea when Castiel might return and now it looked like Dean would need him more
than ever. Waiting for his heat to subside would be bad enough. Without an
alpha to help him through it, the constant desire for release would be almost
impossible.
“The first one’s always the worst.” Bobby said quietly. He reached out to pet
Dean’s hand in sympathy, slowly pulling back when he realized the poor boy was
burning up. He felt the heat throbbing out when he touched his skin. It
drenched him with concern but he said nothing. Bobby didn’t want to put the
fear of God into the lad when he was already so lost. “Unless you get scent
marked, of course.” He added as an aside, glancing up to catch Dean’s eye for a
reaction. Dean remembered the way Castiel rubbed his face against his neck that
day by the pond. He might have smelled different for a day or two but the ache
started a long time before that. “It’s just nature’s way of letting your mate
know you’re ready.” Bobby poured out another full glass and sank most of it in
one swallow.
“I don’t really get it.” Dean attempted. “Ready for what?” It wasn’t like he
was ashamed to admit his sexual inexperience but Bobby made that last sentence
sound serious - like dingo ate my baby serious. Dean wondered how many more
hits he would have to take from the inevitable ‘little talk’ he knew was
coming. Bobby held one hand over his mouth while he waited for the burn in his
throat to settle.
“Most alphas like to stake a claim on the omega they want, but a young one like
your Cas would just be shooting dogwater ‘til he's mature enough to actually
produce somethin' worth firing.” Sam was now staring at them both in alarm, his
eyes wide and unblinking in response to a very disturbing image that sneaked
its way into his thoughts. The concept alone would be giving him nightmares for
a week. “That stuff you been leaking.” Bobby hesitated when he saw the look on
Sam’s face. He coughed and reached deliberately for the bottle. The sudden jerk
of his hand knocked over the glass on accident. Whisky spread out over the
table like a pool of amber sap. “Dammit.” He cursed. “Sammy, can you run and
fetch me a rag from the kitchen?” Sam reluctantly plodded off in silence. It
was just getting to the good part and now he’d been sent out while Bobby filled
in the gaps. Sam could have sworn he spilled that drink on purpose. “If you
want my opinion, I reckon Castiel should hear all this too. If you’re itchin’
to know that bad, I’ll give it a shot, but fair warning, kid. I ain’t used
t'explaining the birds and bees to a teenager.” Bobby sighed. He wasn’t
entirely sure which one of them was finding the whole conversation more
painful. “It’s so an alpha can... well. It makes it easier, if you get what I
mean. You must know what reproduce means.”
“Oh.” It was all Dean could manage. He thought he might let Cas touch him some
more when he came back but he hadn’t planned on doing the wild thing with him
just yet. Bobby let out a sigh of relief he didn’t need to go into any
excruciating detail. The rosy flush on Dean’s cheeks told him he got it.
“What’s heat mean?” Dean asked blankly, his eyebrows furrowed together. “And no
more chick references, if you don’t mind.”
“Maybe you should talk to your dad first, Dean.” Bobby was so torn between the
two of them it was starting to affect his judgement on how much he should share
without John’s permission. “He’s gonna notice somethin’s different. I’m not
sure I should say too much. At least if you’re honest with him it might help
him understand why you wanna spend so much time with your new friend.”
“But you just said he hates alphas.” Dean murmured.
“He hated the one your mother left him for.” Bobby replied. He didn’t want Dean
to think his future with Castiel was doomed before it really started. He knew
John loved his son and wanted him to be happy. “Sometimes people who’ve been
hurt find it real hard to separate the person who hurt them from what they are.
He might struggle with it at first but he does care about you, Dean. Do you
understand?” Bobby stood the glass back up and didn’t hesitate to refill it.
Dean nodded, but he didn’t really know how anyone could hate someone as special
as Castiel. That would make his dad no better than those people Sam was telling
him about and Dean couldn’t stand it. Castiel should be put on display to be
admired, not hated. Telling the truth to the one person who might want to put a
stop to it all wasn’t exactly a gangbuster idea.
“I know, Bobby, but that doesn’t mean they’re all bad. Cas isn’t like that. He
cares about me. I know he does.” Dean made it sound like he never once doubted
Castiel’s devotion but his sudden departure pulled at all his hidden
insecurities. Maybe if he said it enough times he might really believe it.
Bobby felt so sorry for him.
“Okay. I’ll tell you what I know, ‘least what I can remember. It’s not like I
make a habit of counselling stray omegas.” He muttered. “I forget stuff, you
know.” Dean thought it was kind of sad when he tapped the side of his glass to
help explain why. “It’s called estrus, if memory serves. You’re just more
receptive than usual. If Castiel is an alpha, and I think we can pretty much
assume he is, then his attitude might be a little different lately. He probably
wants to look after you… make sure no one else touches you.” Bobby added
diplomatically. The idea of him being mated by another alpha would be like a
red rag to Castiel if he thought his claim on Dean was threatened.
“Maybe.” Dean shrugged. “We haven’t really talked about what we’re gonna do
about it. He’s changed since I met him, though. There’s some things he never
would have done before.”
“Since he found you?”
“I guess.” Dean replied absently. He never thought about it like that before.
It reminded Bobby of the way he felt many years ago when the situation with
Mary came to a disastrous head. He wanted to understand how someone could just
walk out on two small kids and a man who would have given her anything she
asked for. Bobby had been waiting for Dean to come knocking a long time. Now
that time was here, he had no idea how to make him feel any better and it
sucked. Nothing he said would ease the pain of being without Castiel. He hadn’t
really helped John to forget, either. Deal, maybe. But never forget.
“Cas must be about to present and you can’t be too far behind him. He might’ve
even set it off, pushed you into it somehow. I reckon there’s a certain type of
bond where that’s a possibility but I’ll have to check. You better bring him
here first. His senses'll be on red alert if he comes back and realizes you got
a heat on.” That word suddenly made Dean remember they had a captive audience
watching the show from across the room. He was almost tempted to ask Sam if he
wanted some popcorn.
“Little ears and big mouths.” Dean whispered, his eyes sliding over his
shoulder where Sam was now perched on the edge of the table with a dirty cloth
in one hand. If their dad was going to find out about his bond with Castiel,
Dean would rather it come from him than a second-hand abridged version with the
spaces pencilled-in by a nine-year old. Bobby gave Dean a secret smile and
changed the subject. He took the rag from Sam and set about mopping up the
puddle of rye. Such a waste of good liquor but at least it got Sam out of the
way while he told Dean what he needed to know. He felt kinda bad they’d hidden
most of it from Sammy but one screwed-up Winchester kid was already one too
many in Bobby’s book.
“I hear ya. Later then. You bring Cas to see me when he gets back, Dean.”
Dean promised he would and the boys left for home with Sam pestering his
brother for juicy details all the way back to Eighth Street.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel had been gazing aimlessly out the window while his father droned on and
on about how important it was for him to make a good impression when they
reached Peoria. Like he cared. The stark countryside streamed past in an
endless blur of hazy images. His eyes were still sore from crying and he tried
to focus on the featureless scenery to force himself to think about something
else. The pain of being away from Dean for so long was unimaginable.
“Castiel?”
“Hmm? Sorry… I was just thinking about something.” He heard his dad sigh with
frustration. Castiel was still resting his chin in one hand, face tipped
against the glass. He even considered banging his head against it until he
knocked himself out just to get some blissful release from having to endure a
lecture that started as soon as they set off.
“Someone, you mean.” Alex tutted. “I meant what I said earlier. Don’t say
anything to your mother about that Winchester boy. She thinks you’ve been
studying hard and trying to catch up. I don’t want her to know you’ve spent the
last couple of weeks just playing in the sunshine with the local hick.” How
Castiel managed to keep his mouth shut was a miracle. A wave of sudden nausea
turned his stomach and he bit hard at the inside of his cheek to stop himself
from telling his dad exactly what he thought of him. It only made him more
determined to damage their already crumbling relationship by acting up again.
He wondered how such a well-educated man could harbour so much bigoted
ignorance.
“But I want to talk about him.” Castiel said petulantly. “He’s the only good
thing that’s happened to me lately and I’m not going to pretend he doesn’t
exist.”
“Well, that’s exactly the sort of stupid defiance I thought you’d left behind.”
Alex reprimanded. He was still so disturbed by Castiel’s unwavering fascination
with Dean it made him grip the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.
Castiel didn’t bother to grant him a reply. The dusty road swept out into the
distance, snaking over a far horizon he couldn’t even see. Every mile that took
Castiel away from his omega felt like another cut inside him. It was pointless
trying to explain the hold Dean had over him to someone so closed off from any
semblance of emotion. He just wanted to embrace the oblivion of sleep and wake
up when it was all over and they were heading back to Haven and the boy Castiel
wanted to spend a lifetime cherishing.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam eventually gave up asking when Dean ignored every single question that had
been relentlessly fired at him while they walked back from town. Dean had to
stop every few hundred yards just to cool down and take a deep breath. He
didn’t look so good and Sam hoped they would manage to make it safely inside
before their dad was due to go work the afternoon slot. Their timing was
dismal. Sam saw him strolling down to the car when they reached the end of the
driveway. He launched his snack-box through the open window when he saw the
state of his son.
“Dean? What’s the matter? You sick?” Dean shook his head. Everything hurt. He
was so close to telling him the truth but it just didn’t seem to want to come
out. He drew in another gasp of air. Sam could see his shoulders shaking.
“He’s fine.” Sam suddenly panicked and tried to physically drag his brother
inside on the pretense he wanted to get him into bed so he could sleep it off.
Whatever it was. John slowly twisted the car keys between his fingers while he
watched Sam pull Dean up the step. He couldn’t help but feel there was
something familiar about the way Dean was flushed and shivering but the fading
memory escaped him. John’s eyes followed the boys into the house while Sam
managed to yank Dean through the door. Sam turned to give his dad a wave and a
wide grin so forced it made his cheeks hurt. John knew something was up but he
was going to be late for work again and God knows they needed the money so he
climbed into the Impala and fired up the engine. Sometimes he felt so useless.
He never really understood his own son. John backed out onto the road with his
head full of questions. He couldn’t think of a better place to search for
answers. Bobby would be able to help.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Home *****
29. Home
Castiel only realized he must have dozed off after all when he suddenly got
jerked awake by the sound of stone chips being stirred up by the tyres. His dad
finally brought the car to a stop. Castiel blinked when he lurched forward and
slowly sat up. There was a crick in his neck and sleep drool running down his
chin.
“Castiel? Come on, look lively. We’re here.” Alex gave him a sharp jab with one
elbow. “You don’t want to keep your mother waiting.” Castiel bit his tongue for
the millionth time that morning. His dad always seemed to presume to know what
he wanted. Castiel had only been blindly compliant for so long because he
didn’t know any better but now he was sure where he belonged and who he was
meant to share his life with. Nothing would ever be more important to him than
Dean Winchester. Castiel forced the car door open and stepped out onto the
driveway of a home that now felt more like a distant memory of another time.
His mother was waiting for them on the step. Eden was small and pale, with long
dark hair that fell about her shoulders and framed a little heart-shaped face.
“Hi, Mom.” Castiel said quietly, when he tried to walk past her. She gently
stopped him with a hesitant embrace and placed a token kiss on the side of his
cheek.
“It’s good to see you again, Castiel. I hope you’re feeling better.” She gave
him a weak smile. Castiel knew he scared her last time he was there but he
wasn’t sick, resenting the suggestion he was sent away because there was
something wrong with him. Everything before Dean was just a clouded stream of
fading images filed away inside a little box in his head. He moved aimlessly
through the hallway, touching familiar objects with the tips of his fingers
like he was trying to remember something. He heard his mother whisper a string
of muted questions to Alex before he followed Castiel inside. He didn’t care.
He was used to people talking about him like he wasn’t there.
Castiel spent most of the afternoon shut in the bathroom. He locked himself in
almost as soon as they arrived, making out he wanted to freshen up after the
long drive. Nothing felt right since he said goodbye to Dean the night before.
Castiel didn’t really want to be there at all and would be damned if he was
going to pretend to be happy about it. It was kinda nice to see his mom and his
brothers again. Gabe even seemed to have grown a bit since the start of the
summer, but it didn't feel like home anymore. None of them understood him like
Dean, and all Castiel could think about was getting back to him. He was leaning
over the wash basin lost in thought for a long time before he splashed his face
with cold water to try and cool down. He hadn’t a hope in hell of getting rid
of the sick feeling in his stomach until he saw Dean again, so Castiel
distracted himself by slowly running one hand over his throat. He slipped it
under the edge of his shirt and felt his heart pulsing in his chest. Every
precious memory of Dean made it beat a little faster. Castiel leaned towards
the mirror and gazed at the sad, confused boy staring back at him. He couldn’t
pinpoint the exact moment when everything changed but Castiel decided right
there he wasn’t going to let anyone dictate his life to him anymore. He wasn’t
a kid. He was a presenting alpha at the mercy of all those natural possessive
desires that came with the territory.
He sighed deep while he studied his reflection. The blue eyes had lost their
shine without Dean to gaze into them. Everything ached and Castiel knew
instinctively it wasn’t just from the pain of being away from him. Driving
urges made his whole body tremble. His little knot was swollen and sore and
some things smelled different than he remembered. A dull pain throbbed inside
his mouth, sharp canines trying to push through the tender flesh and be free to
claim his omega with a mating bite. Castiel carefully lifted up one corner of
his lip and studied the raised bumps in the misty glass. The sudden need to rut
against a warm body threatened to take him over completely. It was going to be
impossible to try and concentrate on any conversation. It was more likely to be
an interrogation, anyway. Castiel ran one finger along the edge of his mouth
and dipped it inside when his head was suddenly filled with memories of holding
Dean close and breathing him in. He thought back to that beautiful moment when
they first touched their lips together. None of it was enough anymore.
Everything was freckles and green eyes and that soft sun-kissed skin covering a
perfect omega body Castiel wanted to lose himself in. He wanted to watch Dean
close his eyes and throw his head back in ecstasy.
Castiel jumped with a start when a sharp rap on the bathroom door pulled him
back from a steamy daydream.
“Castiel? What the hell are you doing in there? Come on. We’re waiting to eat.”
“Be out in a minute.” Castiel shouted, still breathless from a longing that
quickly moved south when he pictured Dean squirming underneath him. He waited
for his father’s footsteps to fade away. The room was suddenly so quiet he
could almost hear his pounding heartbeat resonate in the tiny washroom, his
only escape from having to plaster a smile on his face while his mother plied
him with questions and too much honey cake.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam closed the door behind them and slumped against it, holding Dean up with
one little arm wrapped firmly around his brother’s waist. He let out a huge
sigh of relief when he heard the Impala take off down the street. Dean was
leaning so heavily against him, Sam had to steady himself by pushing his other
hand against the wall while he helped Dean limp down the corridor like a
wounded puppy. He was almost delirious by the time they reached the end of the
hall.
“I need Cas.” Dean murmured against Sam’s shoulder, just before he set him down
on the bed. His voice was so quiet Sam might have missed it if he hadn’t been
so close. “I want Cas.” He added softly. Dean sounded like he was half-asleep
but Sam didn’t think his first request was a slip of the tongue. Sam might have
only been small but even he could see there was no way Dean was putting it on.
He really needed his alpha. Sam pushed a crumpled pillow under Dean’s head and
eased him onto his back. He didn’t really know how to help but his brother
looked so hot and bothered the only thing Sam could think of was to try and
quench his thirst. He ran back to the kitchen and soon returned with a tumbler
that was sploshing water over the sides with every step. Sam carefully tilted
Dean’s head up a bit so he could rest the edge against his bottom lip. Most of
it spilled out the corners of his mouth but it didn’t stop him from gulping it
down. He drank it all so fast he might have been lost for days in the desert.
The boys had no idea his heat wouldn’t be so bad if Castiel was there with him,
but bringing them together now would likely lead to something else. Something
Sam was trying real hard to forget. Bobby hinted Dean would find it impossible
to resist an alpha knot while he was riding out his first heat.
Dean couldn’t get comfortable no matter how many times he twisted and turned on
top of the covers. He could feel the itch of longing under his skin like a need
for something to fill him up and make it stop without really understanding why.
He clutched his fingers into the sheets and flipped over onto his stomach to
try and ease the ache between his legs. Sam was now watching him from a safe
distance and peering out at him through one screwed-up eye. He didn’t want to
have to look at the same icky mess that had haunted his darkest dreams since it
had been stuck to his legs that night he cuddled up with Dean. He knew they
should talk to someone but Bobby had done so much already and Sam didn’t think
his father would be quite so understanding. They just had to hope it would pass
and Castiel would be back before their dad noticed something was seriously
wrong with his son.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Eden saw a handful of warning signs as soon as Castiel walked through the door.
She didn't have much idea about what happened since he’d been gone, but he
wasn’t the same boy who left for the summer. Alex made her many promises, but
none of them were evident in their son’s face or the strange way he often
seemed to drift off and stare into space like his thoughts were somewhere else.
Castiel seemed so quiet and withdrawn. That was almost worse somehow. He was
desperately unhappy without Dean and there was still a spark of fire
smouldering underneath all that superficial calm. His emotions were hanging
over the edge of bursting free if his instincts weren’t satisfied soon. His
mother suspected it wouldn’t take much of a shove to push him off. Castiel
eventually stopped listening to his parents arguing about what was best for him
without a single consultation from the boy whose life they were mapping out.
Castiel sighed. No one ever thought about what he wanted. The only solace he
had was that no one seemed to have made the connection it was his omega he was
pining for. Alex was so indifferent to Dean he barely noticed his existence at
all. Castiel never imagined how much he would miss being away from Dean or how
bad it would get without him. He might have been sitting in a house in the
middle of Illinois, but his heart was still in Haven.
He was suddenly startled back to reality when he heard his father raise his
voice in frustration. He refused to let his son decide his own future while he
was still so young. Alex was just concerned if Castiel wasn’t pushed hard now
nothing else would matter anymore - education, career. All the things his
father had spent the last fourteen years in preparing. He wasn’t going to let
Castiel piss all over everything he had worked so hard for. Castiel was careful
to hold back Dean’s name when he set up his pitch that it might be better for
everyone if they stayed in Kansas for a while. He couldn’t let slip the real
reason why he wanted to go back. It would only make his father more determined
to keep them apart and there was no way he was going to risk that. Castiel
already heard more than enough by that point and now all bets were off. He was
reaching alpha maturity and he wanted more independence to be left alone to
make his own choices. Alex hadn’t clicked his defiance only got more intense
after spending so much time with that boy from across the road.
Alex was still living in an isolated pocket of ignorant bliss. He only heard
snatches of the news about a leading alpha group that had already sent a
proposal for omega registration to be passed. Even regular citizens started
taking sides and the latest reports were now coming in from Pennsylvania and
even so far as West Virginia. The nightmare of full scale segregation was
edging dangerously close to the capital and the threat of being introduced to
the Senate. If that happened, nowhere would be safe and it seemed like there
were too few omegas left with enough hope for their cause to keep fighting.
Castiel had no interest in debating the politics of something he didn’t care to
understand. No one could guess it would soon shape the rest of his life and rip
him away from the boy he loved more than anything in the world. Alex suspected
there was something different about Castiel from some half-hearted research
online but he didn’t want to admit anything out loud. That would make it real
somehow and then he would have to deal with it. The one thing Castiel always
had to give his father credit for was avoiding the obvious if it meant it might
mess up his afternoon. He knew everyone just wanted him to be normal. That word
sounded horrible, even in his own head, and it made Castiel feel sick again.
His mother still wasn’t convinced he was changed for the better and thought he
would probably be much happier in Haven. All that brooding silence only made
him more unpredictable. She hadn’t forgotten what happened the last time and
Alex finally agreed he wasn’t ready to come home yet. Deep down he wasn’t sure
Castiel really wanted to. There was no point in delaying the inevitable.
Most of the time was wasted on bitching about why Castiel should resume his
studies out of state and start to be more helpful. He was expected to at least
attempt some input into everything his father had been sketching out for him
since he learned how to walk. Castiel refused to listen to anything else and
lied to make out he would find it much easier to stick to the stupid plan if he
was far away from the distractions of home and family. Nature really wanted
those boys to get together and the distance between them only made it harder.
Alex knew he couldn’t sit on the fence anymore or hope his suspicions would go
away if he ignored them long enough. A decision had to be made. Castiel’s fate
would soon be out of his father’s hands in a world quickly being divided. His
son was just about to present as an alpha and Alex was planning on unwittingly
taking him straight back to the one person who had pushed him into it. Castiel
put a virtual band-aid over all the suffering of being alone so he could just
wait it out. He knew the whole sorry trip was already over. Castiel was sure he
would soon be going home to Dean.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Present Perfect *****
30. Present Perfect
The swell of a storm was coming in when John pulled up outside the shop. He sat
for a few minutes while the engine cooled down, staring out the window at the
grey sky and tapping his fingers restlessly on the steering wheel. He felt bad
having to leave the boys standing in the doorway at home but he had to work
just to put food on the table. John was slowly giving in to all those pesky
little doubts that kept resurfacing every time he thought about how much Dean
had changed lately. Every little quirk and kink tortured him with the memory of
Mary. Dean was starting to show some of the same signs as his mother just
before she walked away from them for the last time.
John jumped when someone banged on the hood, stirring him back with a bump.
Bobby attempted a smile through the dirty screen of glass. John grabbed his
pack and pushed the car door open with a sigh. Bobby could see straight away
his friend was deeply troubled. He hadn’t smiled back.
“Dean?”
John nodded, drawing in a heavy breath. He climbed out and kicked the door shut
with his boot. The developing gale outside blustered against his hair and made
him shiver. A dark warning that something much more terrifying was fast
approaching their little sanctuary.
“That obvious, huh?” John pulled his jacket around his body and rubbed the back
of his neck with one hand. He was struggling to meet a gaze now holding him
fixed to the spot. Even to a good man like Bobby, John found it hard to confess
he had no idea what to do with his son. It would be admitting to failure -
again. Bobby looked unusually awkward and adjusted his cap out of habit.
“Yeah.” He said, after a pause that went on just a little too long. “Well, I
kinda have what you might call insider information.” John looked up slowly and
searched his friend’s eyes. There was much more said in that one sentence than
anything else he could have told him.
“What d’you mean? You talked to the boy?”
“I have.” Bobby had no intention of dropping Dean in the shit, but he wanted
John to understand how much his son was suffering. Bobby was fishing for a
polite way of telling him to get his head out of his ass so he could try and do
something to help him. John didn’t ask for a better explanation straight away
but the look in his eyes demanded something more. “Let’s have a drink before we
start on anything too much like hard work.” Bobby patted him on the back and
encouraged John to come inside for a quick tea break, with not so much tea and
plenty of 86-degree proof. Bobby gestured for John to sit and wasted no time in
handing him a glass.
“When did you see him?” John asked.
“I bumped into him earlier.” Bobby replied calmly. It wasn’t strictly true but
he didn’t want John to know Dean had been more comfortable coming over to the
shop for advice instead of going to his own father. Bobby could never take his
place like that but he made a damn fine second. “He didn’t look so good t’be
honest.”
“You’re not kidding.” John agreed, letting out another sigh. He wrapped both
hands around his drink to stop them from shaking. “I know there’s somethin’
going on with him. I think Sammy knows more than he’s sayin' too, but I just
can’t talk to them.” John shook his head. He looked sad. “Dean’s been off with
me since I told him about his mother.”
“Sure it’s not when that boy arrived? The new friend you were telling me
about?” Bobby was doing his best to pretend he had no more idea about what was
going on than John did without a shameful display of overacting.
“Castiel? Cas, I think Dean calls him.” John added, as an afterthought. He
didn’t appear to be very focused on what Bobby was trying to say without
actually saying it. “Could be, I guess, but I reckon he only got shitty with me
when I told him I thought he might be more like Mary than I hoped.”
“Being an omega’s not a bad thing, John.” Bobby said gently. John glared at
him. After everything that happened it was a rather insensitive thing to say.
Especially to him. “Yeah, I know it wasn’t exactly your finest hour back then
but you shouldn’t make the poor kid think there’s somethin' wrong with him. It
ain't true.” John’s stern expression suddenly faded like it was never there and
he looked away again. Maybe he had been too quick to condemn Dean before he was
even sure he was going to present. The love John had for those boys had been
clouded by his judgement of a woman he still couldn’t get out of his head, even
after so many years of trying.
“I just don’t know what to say to him. All that trouble on the coast hasn't
made it any easier.” John rubbed his face and pinched at the space between his
eyes like it would somehow make his headache go away. “I’m scared for that boy.
I’m sure he is one, but I don’t wanna think about it.”
“Why? Scared you might be wrong about him?”
“No. Scared I might be right.”
Bobby stared at John in silence for a second. It was a strangely prophetic
thing to say.
“Well, I never really cared for all that politics and stuff, but it does make
me wonder what the world’ll be like one day.” It hadn’t taken Bobby long to
regain his composure. He was still trying to get John to face up to reality.
“It sure looks like it’s reached the point of no return up there. I heard some
of them omegas flipped the script on tryin' t’get what they wanted, but I
reckon it’s all gone horribly wrong. Started out as a good idea.” Bobby added.
He almost sounded impressed. “Seems to have blown up in their faces, though.
All it actually did was let some alphas suddenly think it's okay to demand all
or nothing.”
“That’s a real shame.” John said, with genuine sincerity. “I wouldn’t wanna be
an omega in New York right now.”
“Or anywhere.” Bobby said pointedly. He glanced over with a meaningful look to
emphasize the point, but it seemed to have missed its mark. John just continued
to mull things over in his own sweet time. Bobby thought he was either
deliberately avoiding putting the words omega and Dean in the same sentence, or
just being particularly dense that day.
“What the hell is wrong with people?” John muttered, draining his glass.
“Same thing as always been wrong with ‘em.” Bobby sniffed. “No matter how much
you got, you always want what someone else has. Even then it’s never enough.”
John managed a gentle laugh. He was pretty sure Bobby didn’t have a degree from
Harvard, but that was probably the best bit of philosophy he ever heard.
“If you knew then what you know now, would you go back and do it all again? Get
it right this time?”
“No.” Bobby said thoughtfully. He gave his friend a soft, sad smile. “Not right
from the beginning.”
They sat by the empty grate and shared a quiet drink while the storm raged
outside. Work for the afternoon was all but forgotten for a little while. Bobby
let John have the peaceful moment. He was real careful not to say anything else
about Castiel and was waiting for John to accept for sure Dean was an omega
before that particular revelation got up to bite him. Literally.
Bobby spent most of the day listening to his friend release all that pent-up
frustration and guilt he’d been holding in since he told the boys the cold hard
truth about their mother. It wasn’t easy watching his friend struggle for
answers but Bobby had made Dean a promise, and he wasn’t going to betray his
trust. He really did have a soft spot for that kid.
It was early evening by the time John eventually headed off to do some work
after sinking another modest shot of whisky. Bobby watched the partition door
swing closed behind him and wondered if he might have said too much. John
gathered a few tools and checked the appointment book, but he wasn’t really
concentrating on the job anymore. He knew a not so subtle hint when Bobby
practically slapped him across the face with one. So, his friend thought Dean
was an omega as well. John guessed he must have put two and two together from
what he remembered about Mary. It never crossed his mind Bobby had been acting
as a surrogate parent slash social worker for the last few days, let alone how
hard Dean was fighting the base desires of his first heat.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam left Dean drifting in and out of restless sleep for most of the evening and
was now flaked out on the sofa. Dean suddenly sat bolt upright with a jump like
he sensed there was something worth getting up for. He scrambled out of bed
despite feeling sore and exhausted when he heard a car pull up down the street.
He was desperate to see outside, his nose pressed up so close to the window it
was squashed flat against the glass. The sky was still dark with swirling
clouds twisting in circles. Dean was wide awake in less than a second and
almost pulled the damn thing from its hinges in his haste to push it open and
get a better view of the corner. He had to blink a couple of times just to make
sure. There was no way Cas could be back already but there he was - standing on
the lawn in the dusk with his hands stuck in his pockets just like the first
time he saw him. Dean thought he might have actually stopped breathing but he
couldn’t do anything about it. They must have come straight back, and that
probably meant it had been a complete disaster. He watched Alex unload the car
in silence and waited for Castiel to look over, hope and happiness just flowing
through his body. As soon as his father disappeared inside, Castiel saw his
chance and ran over to the Winchester house so fast Dean thought he was going
to land flat on his face.
Castiel was getting closer and Dean eventually managed to take another breath
when he leaned right out of the window. He was stretching forward as far as he
could while he wiggled all his fingers in a desperate attempt to stretch just a
tiny bit more, like it would somehow make it easier to touch him.
“Cas… you’re back.” Dean was breathless in his excitement. “What happened? I
thought you’d be gone all week.”
“I thought so, too.” Castiel smiled wide, with a sparkle behind his eyes that
made Dean never want to look away. “I’m in trouble. Shocking, I know.”
Dean laughed gently, pushing his body through the gap and burying his face deep
in Castiel’s shoulder while he wrapped both arms around his neck. No words
could ever tell his alpha how dead he felt inside when he wasn’t beside him.
“But… how?” Dean whispered, not realizing he was stroking Castiel’s hair.
“They didn’t think I was ready to go home and my dad was really pissed.”
Castiel said, without any flicker of emotion. He had gone out of his way to be
difficult and it worked like a charm. Dean didn’t really care why. Castiel was
here, and he was warm and soft, and now he was climbing in through the window
before Dean managed to move back enough to give him space to squeeze through.
Castiel captured Dean’s mouth with his own before his feet even touched the
ground and pushed him back against the wall with the force of his body. He
pinned Dean fast with his hips.
“Fuck, Dean.” Castiel panted, sliding one hand down the back of Dean’s shorts
and grabbing at his ass to pull him closer. “I missed you so much.”
“Cas.” Dean gasped in surprise. He never heard Castiel curse before.
“I’m sorry… sorry, Dean.” Castiel mumbled next to his throat while he slipped
the ends of his fingers into the line of Dean’s ass and dipped them into a
fresh burst of arousal. Castiel could hardly get his words out between the
desperate gasps of want he was breathing against Dean’s skin and lapping at the
curve of his throat like he wanted to taste every inch of him. “I just couldn’t
stop thinking about you.” Dean swallowed loudly and Castiel felt him shiver
under his touch. He loved the way Dean smelled when he was happy.
Well. That explained why they came back so soon. Dean made out he was amazed
his friend had been so vocal about how glad he was to see him again, but a
dirty word like that coming out of Castiel’s mouth was actually all kinds of
hot.
“Not for nothin’, Cas. I really missed you, too.”
Castiel sniffed hard at every dip he could fit the tip of his nose into and
made delicious little humming sounds when he pulled his hand up to his mouth
and licked at the slick coating the tips of his fingers without thinking.
Natural instincts begging to consume the fresh new scent of his omega in heat.
“I want to be with you, always. You want that too, don’t you?”
“Shit, Cas, yes... 'course.” Dean breathed the words into his open mouth where
it was now stretched around another kiss. “’Course I do.” He murmured, so
tempted to give in to his heat and let his alpha take him right there. “But
Sammy’s in the other room an’ I promised Bobby I’d take you to see him as soon
as you got back. I don’t think my dad’s working late so he’s probably managed
to find his way to a bar by now.”
They eventually managed to un-glue themselves from each other and left Sam
asleep in the front room. Dean was actually glad of the distraction. He was
still unbelievably warm and desperate for Castiel to touch him again but he
knew in his heart they should wait. The boys managed to walk the few blocks
into town while Dean coaxed him along by the hand. He had to try and keep at
least one of them busy to stop Castiel from pawing at him every ten yards.
They dodged the rain and took the back way into Bobby’s, missing the open
garage door and the Impala still parked outside. Bobby looked shocked to see
them just walk in without permission but Dean was so keen to drag him back
there, he hadn’t given it a second thought. Bobby could see some changes in
Castiel before Dean managed to get a word out. He was holding himself with much
more confidence, blue eyes shining bright. Filled with an alpha lust that was
constantly fixed on Dean. The changing pigment Castiel was once ashamed of had
spread all over his body, random patches now blended seamlessly together to
form a beautiful golden coat.
“Welcome back.” Bobby said quietly, slowly circling Castiel while he studied
him. “Well, ain’t you all grown up? I think he’s ready to claim you, Dean.”
Bobby said seriously. “No doubts - he’s presented. Look at him. Show me your
pointers, kid.” They both thought it was a rather strange request but Castiel
did as he was asked, anyway. He noticed some differences in the mirror when he
was still in Peoria but hadn’t made the connection. Castiel tipped his head
back and lifted up his lip so Bobby could peer inside his mouth. He examined
the two swollen red dots where the tips of mature canines had finally broken
through the skin. Bobby was grinning at him when he pulled away. “There you
go.” He made a little noise of approval, quietly pleased he was right all
along. “I knew you were Dean’s alpha.”
Dean leaned into Castiel with a blissful smile pulling at his mouth until his
gaze was drawn up over the rise of Bobby’s shoulder. He couldn’t move at all
and almost dropped to his knees when he saw his father standing in the kitchen
doorway with a beer in one hand and an oily rag in the other. God knows how
long he’d been there. Bobby turned when he heard Dean gasp, his face almost
white. It looked like all the blood had actually emptied from the top down
while he stared at John with his mouth open in alarm. Bobby cursed under his
breath. John was supposed to be in the garage working overtime on a dented
bumper that just came in. The look of disbelief in Dean’s eyes made him feel
terrible. Bobby promised he wouldn’t say a word and now it looked like he had
taken the Judas kiss to a whole new level.
“Dean.” Bobby tried. “Wait... it’s not what you think.” He added quickly. Bobby
stepped in a little closer but there was no point in even trying to convince
him it had all been a dreadful misunderstanding. Dean reached blindly for
Castiel’s hand and pulled him away in dazed surprise. Everything they had tried
to keep secret was now exposed in the worst possible way. His father would
never let them see each other now. He would know how dangerous it might be if
they were left alone. John seemed to be pulled back to the moment and shouted
after them, but Dean was already running out into the street with Castiel in
tow. Spent tears of fear and betrayal were running down his face. Castiel was
being dragged along at an insane pace, gasping for breath while he was pulled
past the rows of blurry houses and back down to dragonfly pond. The last safe
place they could stay together before everything else was lost.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Breaking Point *****
31. Breaking Point
Castiel was so out of breath by the time they reached the edge of the meadow he
collapsed in a heap on the grass and pulled Dean down on top of him. He wrapped
both arms snugly around Dean’s back and hushed him until he stopped sniffing.
He knew how much that must have hurt. They both believed Bobby would keep their
secret safe and now they didn’t know who to trust anymore. Everything was
falling apart. It took Castiel a few patient minutes to calm Dean down enough
to get a word out of him.
“Dean, it’s gonna be okay. I promise.”
“You can’t make promises like that, Cas. You just can’t. You don’t know my dad,
he’ll never understand.” Dean replied, words coming out brokenly through little
gasps of air. He indelicately wiped the back of one hand across the bottom of
his nose and dried his eyes.
“Doesn’t matter.” Castiel whispered. “I know I’ll never let anyone take you
away from me.” He was cradling Dean’s head against his chest, gently slipping
one hand up into his hair to hold him close. It would be so nice to really
believe that, but Dean knew Castiel was only trying to console him. Dean missed
that soft, protective touch so much. Castiel always made everything seem better
than it really was. There was a sudden desperation in that suffocating embrace
like they were terrified it might be their last.
“I knew you’d come back for me.” Dean smiled against his alpha, despite the
feeling of hopelessness that threatened to pull him under.
“’Course I did.” Castiel kissed the top of Dean’s head and let silky strands of
hair brush against his mouth. There was something new and inviting about Dean
since his return. An alluring temptation that kicked Castiel’s senses into
overdrive. “Didn’t expect it to be quite so soon, but I couldn’t stay there. I
hated being away from you, pookie.” Dean wasn’t sure what to say to that.
Castiel never called him anything so intimately affectionate and wondered what
brought it on, but he didn’t ask. He actually kind of liked it. “God, you smell
good.” Castiel murmured against Dean’s neck. His hands suddenly stopped moving
and Dean heard him hold in a hesitant breath like he was deliberating over
something. He couldn’t get their passionate exchange in Dean’s bedroom out of
his head. “I want to taste you again.” Castiel felt Dean tense under the
persuasive press of his palms. “Can I?” Dean still wouldn’t fully present until
that first heat was over and his body started to fill out more at the hips. He
knew the slick was different somehow and Castiel clearly picked up on the
subtle changes in his body like Bobby said he would. A maturing scent flecked
with blood to draw his alpha in and let him know he was almost ripe for
breeding. It wasn’t really surprising Castiel was finding it increasingly
difficult to keep his hands to himself.
“I don’t know, Cas.” Dean admitted quietly. He might be tempted to let himself
go all the way, and Dean wasn’t sure he was ready. “I’m scared.”
“Hey… it’s okay. You don’t have to.” Castiel said softly. “You just don’t know
what you do to me. I’ll wait for you, ‘course I will. However long it takes.”
Dean knew he meant it. Castiel always made him feel so safe, even when
everything else had gone to shit. “Sorry. I don’t know why I say stuff I
shouldn’t. I can’t help myself sometimes, but I'd never make you do something
you don't want to.” Castiel stroked one hand up and down Dean’s back. “Not
ever.” Castiel couldn’t seem to pull Dean close enough, not really
understanding the subconscious need to seal his right to claim that boy now he
was in heat.
Castiel rubbed his face against Dean’s throat to warn off any other potential
mate and Dean’s resolve soon evaporated with such a seductively possessive
gesture. He turned onto his back and submitted willingly when Castiel
instinctively scent marked his omega again. Presentation had filled his body
with rich alpha hormones and he covered every patch of Dean’s exposed skin so
completely, practically anyone would be able to smell it on him. Castiel waited
dutifully for a string of mumbled objections, but nothing came, so he
cautiously reached down to snake his hand inside the front of Dean’s shorts and
between his thighs. He eased Dean’s legs apart until his knees fell open.
Castiel couldn’t stop the aroused alpha in him from sliding his fingertips
inside Dean with a thick, husky growl that made him tremble all the way down to
his toes. Dean could hear himself gasp out needy little moans with every gentle
touch, powerless to stop his body from pushing back against the pressure of
such a searching caress. Castiel longed to indulge in that addictive sweetness
again. He carefully pulled his hand free and sucked all his fingers so deep
into his mouth Dean was amazed he didn’t gag. Castiel could feel the pulse of
his knot starting to swell. He wanted to bite him so bad. Dean eventually
stirred when he realized it was getting dark. As much as he wanted to stay
pinned under his alpha forever, Dean knew he was going to have to face his
father sooner or later.
“I really gotta go, Cas.” Dean sighed. Castiel wasn’t sure if it was from
resignation or a product of the desire still throbbing inside him. “If I don’t
turn up soon he’ll only be out looking an’ I don’t want him to know we come
down here.” Castiel was too hopped up on the rush of delicious omega pheromones
that were still tingling in his mouth to even want to move at all, but Dean was
right. They couldn’t hide forever. He helped Dean pull his shorts up and
steadied him when he tried to stand. Castiel suggested they bite the bullet
together and even offered to walk him home, but Dean didn’t want him to get in
any more trouble for going in so late. Castiel made a grab for Dean’s hands
when they reached the top of the bank. He held them both secured in his own and
leaned in to take one last, beautifully fragile kiss before they had to part
again.
“I’ll meet you back at the pond in the morning, Dean.” Castiel breathed into
his mouth. “Good luck.” Dean reluctantly pulled away and gave Castiel a sad
smile.
“G’night, Cas.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
“Where the hell have you been?” John demanded. He was standing rigid by the
kitchen window. Dean knew at once he’d been waiting there all this time for him
to come back. The empty beer bottles stacked up on the counter told Dean all he
needed to know about how his dad felt about this latest revelation. “You know I
don’t want you wandering the streets at night.”
“I wasn’t.” Dean said quickly. “We were down at the - ” He suddenly stopped
himself and snapped his mouth shut. There was no way in hell he was going to
give their secret place away. He would have to be hog-tied and tortured to ever
get him to spit that out. Dean didn’t need to say anything else for his father
to realize he was with Castiel. John would never forget the stench of potent
musk that day he knew Mary had been marked by the man who took her away. John
never met him, but he would know that scent anywhere.
“Dean? Has he… touched you?”
“What?” Dean gasped in a breath. The unexpected accusation made him angry and
defensive, mistaking his father’s concern for some twisted kind of homophobia.
“No… of course not.” Dean argued, but the rosy flush on his cheeks gave him
away. Dean could never look anyone in the eye when he wasn’t telling the truth
and the memory of Castiel’s fingers curling inside him was still fresh in his
mind.
“That’s a lie - you stink of it.”
“Stink of what?” Dean tried. He was almost dragged clean off his feet when his
father grabbed him by the front of his shirt and inhaled a breath so deep it
made his chest heave. “What the fuck? Get off me.” Dean was so upset it just
burst out, but he soon regretted it when he felt a sharp slap across his face.
“Watch yer mouth, boy.”
“Stop it, Dad.” Dean pleaded, holding his hand up to his cheek to try and stop
it from smarting. “It’s not like that.”
John was spiralling out of control, the amount of alcohol swimming around in
his blood making it so much easier to tell Dean exactly what he thought about
his relationship with that boy from the corner. He eventually started to put
all the fractured pieces together while he was chewing over the conversation
with Bobby when they shared a glass or two that afternoon. So much time on his
own working late had made him wonder what else he might have missed by
pretending everything was okay. It was all so obvious now he looked back, and
overhearing Bobby call Castiel an alpha was a hit John never expected to take.
He didn’t understand why he wouldn’t have said something.
“I warned you about getting attached to that boy, and now I know why. It’s not
right, Dean. Why can’t you just be normal, like Sam?”
“Normal?” Dean managed to choke out, with what little breath he had left when
those cruel words pushed his heart into his mouth. Everything hurt.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” John shook his head and made a hesitant attempt
to reach for his son, but Dean had already started to back away and John’s
fingertips only managed to graze the curve of his shoulder. He was sorry for
saying it as soon as the word fell from his mouth but he couldn’t take it back.
There was little point in pretending he was happy Dean had found his alpha.
“Can’t you just play with some of the other boys, date a girl. Something.” Dean
couldn’t stand to hear anymore. It didn’t matter what he said but he was going
to make it clear his father was the last person on earth whose advice he would
take now.
“I wanna be with Cas.”
John was struggling to subdue a sense of alarm that was soon rising up when all
those bitter memories of their mother felt more like a cold warning his son was
going to suffer the same fate. The panic built inside him so fast, it suddenly
poured from his mouth in a coarse stream of venom.
“No boy of mine is gonna be mated to no fuckin’ alpha at thirteen.”
“What? No, I swear we haven’t done anything, Dad. We just like being together.
That’s all we want.” Dean murmured quietly. “Just to be together.” His voice
trailed off miserably when he realized nothing he said would make a scrap of
difference.
“Oh, I’m sure that’s what he’d like you to think.” John mocked. His tone was
hard and sarcastic. “He’s an alpha, Dean. He’s gonna want to bite you and have
you barefoot and pregnant, trailing after him like a lap dog. Nothing about
that is even close to okay.” It took Dean a few painful seconds to register the
significance. He knew all his arguments were completely pointless. His dad had
been too deeply scarred by the past. “You don’t want that.” John sighed.
“Neither did Mom.” Dean whispered under his breath. John felt his stomach turn
over. Dean saw his father’s cheek twitch where he was fighting to hold back the
anger. That must have hurt.
“Go to your room.”
“No.” Dean cried, his distress quickly growing to a new level of defiance when
his father so effortlessly dismissed how much they cared about each other. Dean
just wanted to run away and hide. He was about to take his chances and make a
break for it when he heard a broken gasp drift up from behind him. Dean turned
just in time to catch a glimpse of wide hazel eyes watching them both from the
relative safety of the couch. All the shouting had woken Sam. His little face
was soaked in fear. He was so scared for Dean in case he was ripped away from
Castiel again. They had been separated once and it nearly killed him. Sam knew
his brother would never be the same if they were forced apart. Dean really
didn’t want Sam to have to witness something so horrible but now he was hurt
and cornered. He couldn’t help himself. “I don’t want anyone else… I just wanna
be with Cas and you can’t stop me. Go if you want. I don’t care. I won’t be
coming with you.” Fresh tears of resentment and frustration were streaming down
his face again, lip trembling with emotion at the thought of anyone trying to
keep them apart. “I’ll run away first. Somewhere you’ll never find me.” Dean
knew he sounded like a petulant child but he didn’t care anymore. Castiel was
the only thing that mattered.
“Dean.” John had that look he always wore when something definitely wasn’t a
request. “I said go to your room. I mean it.” Dean could still feel the bitter
sting warming his cheek, his protests just sounding small and hollow when his
father was staring down at him like that. Dean was so upset he just slinked
underneath the piercing gaze and out into the hallway. Sam tried to reach up
and give a comforting touch to his arm when he rushed past him but Dean
couldn’t even bring himself to acknowledge it. He threw himself through his
bedroom door and slammed it behind him so hard it echoed in the strained
silence that filled the rest of the house. Dean collapsed onto his bed and
curled up into a tight little ball.
The word mated had just sort of slipped out. John suspected Dean could be in
danger. Once he presented he would be a target for all those who would want to
hunt him down and put an arrow of submission in his back. They would all be
caught up in a violent tempest if the storm in New York ever managed to blast
its way to Haven. John knew they had to get away before Castiel had the chance
to claim his son.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Scars *****
32. Scars
Dean was still shivering way after he heard his father storm off to bed with a
string of blue curses. It wasn’t from the cold. The house was eerily quiet now
the sound of slamming doors had long since faded away. He couldn’t even cry
anymore. Dean had his eyes screwed shut to try and force his body into sleep
but it obviously had no intention of coming. Sam had been waiting patiently
outside the bedroom door for ages, debating whether he should go in and try to
talk to Dean, or just slope off to bed and pretend he hadn’t noticed. Sam had
been forced from a restless sleep and was still really tired, but he
desperately wanted to know why his father suddenly exploded like that.
Apparently the ‘omega situation’ - as Sam called it, had somehow gone from
nought to sixty before he even had the chance to catch up. He remembered
vividly how much pain and distress Dean had endured without Castiel, but this
was something else. To a nine-year old it felt like the pitch of a curve ball
that would change everything, and not for the better. They all thought he was
just an innocent kid caught up in dramatic grown-up stuff no one expected him
to understand. Sam figured he could probably play that to his advantage if he
gave it some serious thought. Dean would never make it on his own. Sam
eventually inhaled a calming breath and reached for the door handle.
His shoulders dropped down in sympathy when he saw Dean crumpled up in a knot
on top of the bed. He hadn’t deserved that. Dean never chose to be what he was.
Even after everything his brother had thrown at him over the years, Sam’s heart
broke for him when he was jerked awake earlier with just enough time to catch
the tail end of his father’s beer-fueled insults. Implying he should be ashamed
of what he was threatened to score a wound in Dean so deep it might take a
lifetime to heal.
“He didn’t mean it.” Sam whispered quietly. He sat down behind his brother and
cautiously reached out to cosset him like a child might stroke a new pet. Dean
turned to lay on his stomach. Sam only just caught the words yes he did muffled
by the soft press of his pillow. Sam knew that wasn’t really true but he didn’t
bother to repeat it. Dean wouldn’t have believed him anyway. “You know what
he’s like… ‘specially when he’s had a few.” Sam tried again. Dean was suddenly
so still Sam wondered if he managed to fall asleep after all. “He’s just scared
for you.” Any doubt his brother was drifting in and out of consciousness was
dissolved in an instant when Dean shot up and twisted round so he could look
Sam dead in the eye.
“Scared of what?” Dean demanded, with a dry sob. The look of despair in his
eyes was begging Sam to give him an honest answer to the one question that
burned in his mind since he knew for sure Castiel was an alpha. “What’s so
wrong with it, Sam? Why does everyone think me and Cas being together is a bad
thing?” Sam hadn’t really given that much thought until then apart from making
sure Dean would always have someone to watch out for him. Sam intended to fill
that role with as much dedication as he could ever hope to achieve when he only
came up to his brother’s shoulder.
“I don’t.”
Dean’s sulky expression soon folded with Sam’s unconditional acceptance. He
almost hugged him.
“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean muttered softly. “But I think you’re the only one we got
in our corner.”
“That’s not true, Dean. Dad’s prob’ly just pissed you didn’t tell him Cas was
an alpha. You know how much he hates them.” Sam sighed. John was so bitter
about what happened all those years ago, he could hardly bring himself to give
Castiel a chance to prove him wrong. John wanted to take Dean away before he
lost someone else he loved to an alpha. He didn’t really have any hope Mary
might come back, and staying in Haven would never be the same now. Dean's pride
was still aching, but every put-down John hurled at him was born out of the
fear his son might end up a submissive sex toy. “You don’t know how bad this
thing upstate could get. I don’t want someone to hurt you, Dean. It’s not
fair.”
“Cas would never let anyone hurt me.” Dean mumbled absently. Sam guessed that
dropped out on accident but it was written all over Dean’s face how much he
really believed it. Sam didn’t think it was Castiel’s devotion to Dean they had
to worry about.
“Just give him some time, he’ll come round. Besides, you got Uncle Bobby.”
Dean actually snorted.
“How d’you think he found out about it in the first place? I thought he was
alright but Dad was already there and you can bet your sweet ass they were
talking about us.” Dean closed his eyes again, the look of horror on his
father’s face still playing behind them. “He heard everything, Sam.” He added.
“Everything.”
“Oh.” Sam gasped in surprise, but then he shook his head. “No… you must have
got that wrong. Bobby’s a lot of things, Dean, but he’s no snitch.” Dean
thought back to the whole humiliating experience. Bobby seemed to try and grab
some kind of damage control but it was too late. Dean had already been pelting
down the street with Castiel running behind him before anyone had given Bobby
the chance to explain. He wasn’t sure if he really could trust him anymore but
there was so much sincerity in his eyes whenever Dean looked in them, he
wondered if maybe he might have been a little quick to dismiss his loyalty. Sam
eventually left his brother to sleep. He only seemed to be making things worse.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean knew his father would go mad if he caught him sneaking out the next
morning to meet up with the one person he shot down with fiery bullets the
night before. He was still sleeping off the beer when Dean let himself out the
back door just after dawn. He hadn’t slept much but the need to find his way
back to Castiel was much more important than something so pointless. The pond
was deserted when he reached the bottom of the bank and his heart sank, but it
wasn’t that much of a surprise. It was so early the sky was still streaked with
pink where the sun was coming up. Dean perched himself by the edge of the water
and willed Castiel to appear. He didn’t have to wait long before he heard the
gentle tread of footsteps in the grass, like his alpha always seemed to sense
when Dean needed him. Castiel just sat down behind him without a word and
wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist to ease him back into a hug.
The happiness Dean felt when they were down there together always pushed out
all the bad things in his head. That place had become almost sacred to them.
Something Dean would always remember about that summer with Castiel. The
dynamics had changed forever when he marked him as a full alpha instead of the
tentative puppy licks he covered him in before. His body seemed to be making
all the decisions for him. Dean was quiet for a long time.
“I’m not gonna stop, Cas.” He said suddenly, like whatever was on his mind he
just couldn’t keep in any longer. “I don’t care what my dad thinks. We’ll just
have to be real careful and pretend we’re not seeing each other anymore.”
“’Kay.” Castiel replied slowly. He was desperate for them to make out again but
he knew how upset Dean was and he didn’t want to push it. Somewhere in that
morass of denial he was drowning in, Castiel still believed he could hold on to
it all somehow. He didn’t see why they should have to hide it now but he didn’t
really know John Winchester at all and Dean was obviously scared to death of
what he might do to keep them apart. Castiel was watching Dean aimlessly twirl
the bracelet he gave him as a token of their friendship. It meant so much more
than that now. A symbol they would soon leave their innocence behind. Castiel
rested his chin in the dip of Dean’s shoulder and admired the omega body he was
wrapped around, those bow legs he wanted to slide between splayed out in front
of him. His scent washed over Dean like a stream of comfort. Just knowing he
was there was enough.
“I don’t know what to do.” Dean whispered. Castiel hugged him a little tighter.
“What if he says something to your dad? I’m so scared you’re gonna leave me
behind. I can’t take it, Cas. Every minute without you felt like a lifetime.”
“Don’t think about it.” Castiel breathed across the back of Dean’s neck. He
shivered again. The leather band was still resting perfectly between one finger
and his thumb. “Maybe I should get you a little charm or something for that.
You know… just in case. Something you could have to remember me if - ” Castiel
couldn’t even finish the sentence, the words trapped fast behind a little ball
of emotion. He heard Dean heave in a breath and quickly swallow it down. Dean
couldn’t stand to think that might even be a possibility. He wanted to stay
there forever and watch the sun come up. Castiel bent his head and gave Dean an
upside-down kiss that was loaded with so much desire it made Dean want to turn
over and push his ass up. Castiel’s slide into dominance had happened before
either of them had even noticed. The very thought of it all coming to an end
set off the sick feeling in Dean’s stomach again and he sat up instead to vent
some frustration.
“My dad’s so full of it, Cas. I don’t understand why people don’t want us to be
together.”
“Some hearts don’t beat like ours, Dean.” Castiel said simply. “It’s special -
you and me.” It was such a sweet thing to say Dean felt a lump squeeze the
inside of his throat. It silenced him for a second or two while he focused on
the pond instead and the dragonflies swooping in pairs across the water. Even
though they only got to have that perfect mate for one day it was always worth
it. Meeting by chance so nature could do the rest.
“It’s like they were meant for each other.” Dean murmured, watching them fly
away. Castiel reached down and wrapped their hands together, admiring the glow
of a golden outline where their fingers were all tangled up when he held them
to the sun.
“Like us.” Castiel said quietly. Dean humoured him and moved round so he could
slot his body into the space under his arm. He rubbed one cheek against
Castiel's chest.
“Yeah, Cas. Just like us.” Dean tilted his face up when Castiel dropped his
head again and touched their mouths together, only for a second. It made him
want to seal their friendship forever with a bond neither of them would ever
break. Despite the bliss of lying in his alpha’s arms with no one there to ruin
that perfect moment, Dean still couldn’t manage to free himself of so much
deep-seated insecurity. “But we'll always be together, right? I know you’ll
always look after me.” Dean suddenly stopped when he realized he was in danger
of opening up his heart for someone to stomp all over. He never actually
confessed to having feelings for anyone but somehow he wasn’t afraid of telling
Castiel how much he cared for him. Loved him. “I know that sounds stupid.” Dean
tried to dismiss it away. The chances of them being able to stay together were
dwindling by the day.
“No it doesn’t.”
“Maybe one day we could get married.” Dean blurted out, immediately wishing he
had better control over his mouth. He had no idea where that came from and
stammered to take it back, but the words already drifted away on the breeze.
“Dean.” Castiel laughed gently, swatting the air with his hand to clear away a
persistent insect. “We’re both boys.” Dean stared up at his friend in dismay.
That was almost like something his father might say.
“I know that, Cas.” Dean replied, with a little click of his tongue. Castiel
basically just implied he was an idiot. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it but
Dean couldn’t imagine ever wanting to spend his life with anyone else. He just
wanted to make sure Castiel understood how important that was to him. “Does it
matter?” So much of Castiel’s subconscious had been shaped by many years of
blind obedience. It was hard to shake off almost fourteen years of misguided
conditioning.
“No.” Castiel answered, with a growing smile. “No, I suppose it doesn’t.” He
sighed, ashamed he even had to consider that at all and closed his eyes when
Dean snuggled back into his side. Dean knew his dad would never accept anything
like that but it was part of a tomorrow that seemed so far away when they were
lying there together.
“I wish we could stay here forever.” Dean breathed against him.
“Listen.” Castiel said suddenly, when an idea hit him like a brick. “I know you
don’t want us to mate yet but maybe we could make a promise to each other.”
“Cas.” Dean never heard Castiel actually say that word out loud before. It
wasn’t like Dean didn’t want them to fuck but sometimes it scared him how much
he longed to let Castiel bite him so no one would be able to pull them apart.
The thought of being claimed so young always stopped him. Another product of
the damage done by being abandoned by someone he loved. Castiel didn’t wait for
an answer. He was soon up and looking round the meadow. He kicked at the
hedgerow until he finally spotted a cluster of green briar at the edge of the
grass. He triumphantly held up a thorn in the air while he ran back to Dean.
“I’m gonna make a promise to you. Give me your hand.”
“Why?” Dean asked, his head tipped to one side. “What you doin’ with that?”
“Trust me.” Castiel replied. Dean jerked back a little when Castiel held out
the pointed barb in front of him.
“Wait… will it hurt?” Dean’s hand was trembling. Castiel licked his lips with
the image that assaulted all his senses. It sent the alpha lust building inside
him, hoping Dean would soon be asking him that for another reason.
“Not really.” Castiel forced Dean to lay his hand out flat and secured him by
the wrist. “I’ll be careful, but it’s gotta be deep else it won’t bleed. Here.”
Castiel said, the pictures in his head making his mouth curve up at one side.
The sexual implication passed Dean by completely. He flinched when Castiel
nicked a mark with the tip.
“I swear, Dean. My whole life, I promise you’re the only boy I’ll ever want. No
matter what happens.”
“Don’t say it like that, Cas.” Dean reached out to wrap his fingers around
Castiel’s wrist in turn with his other hand. “You’ll jinx it.” Castiel just
gave him another patient smile and drew the sharp thorn across his own palm.
They carefully pressed their hands together to seal the special bond they both
believed would last a lifetime. Dean could have sworn he felt the very second
their blood mingled and joined them as one. Just when they thought they were
lost - that fading scar would some day bring them back together.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Persuasion *****
33. Persuasion
It didn’t take Dean long to decide the fresh cut was starting to sting like a
bitch. He eventually pulled his hand away to give it a comforting lick but
Castiel stopped him before he reached his mouth, suddenly staring into Dean’s
eyes with so much seductive intensity, he felt his jaw drop open. That boy
could leave him speechless without even trying. Castiel took hold of Dean’s
wrist again and didn’t even blink when he dragged a rough tongue over the
scratch and drew the last traces of drying blood into his mouth. Dean whispered
a broken murmur of thanks while he watched Castiel lap gently at the wound.
Something dangerous stirred inside him when Castiel sprinkled tender kisses all
the way up his palm until he reached his fingers. He slowly sucked each one
into his mouth in turn, his gaze never faltering for an instant. Castiel moved
in closer with every curl of his tongue. By the time he got to Dean’s thumb
their lips were almost touching again. The fading scent of blood was still
hanging like a promise between them. Castiel tried so hard to clean the mark
like it was just in his nature to take Dean’s pain away.
“I hope you don’t think you’re gonna kiss me with that mouth.” Dean smiled, but
made absolutely no attempt to stop him. He might have even leaned in a bit
more.
“Damn straight, I’m gonna kiss you.”
Dean managed a little shy laugh and batted his eyelashes like a girl. Castiel
didn’t say anything at all when he dipped his head. Sometimes Dean felt like he
was being helplessly dragged into those unexplored depths of blue. Castiel
pushed his tongue into Dean’s mouth more forcefully than he ever had before.
Dean willingly let him reach into every corner with the tip, breathless when he
finally pulled away to gasp in some air. His alpha’s touch was the most
beautiful thing in the world and nothing else really mattered anymore. If
Castiel decided to give in to that physical need, Dean wasn’t sure he would be
able to resist.
“Did you mean what you said about us always being together? Getting married and
stuff.” Castiel asked suddenly, while he waited for Dean’s voice to come back.
“Like, for real?”
“’Course.” Dean answered, desperate to ignore the want surfacing inside him
again. He only let it go earlier because Castiel seemed to push the idea aside
before he remembered to put his mouth in gear. “Cas?” Dean shifted around and
threaded both legs through Castiel’s arms. He settled them on either side of
his hips so he could shuffle even closer. Castiel slid his hands down Dean’s
back and gave his ass a little tug. “It’s not that I don’t want us to - you
know.” He nodded down between his legs but soon looked away again when he felt
his cheeks start to tingle. “I’m just scared and I don’t know why. ‘Sides, I
swore to my dad we haven’t done it yet.”
“We haven’t, Dean. It’s not a lie.” Castiel replied, almost defensive. Their
lives constantly being dictated by someone else was a bitter pill to swallow.
He was quietly wishing Dean would quit talking about it. The visual certainly
wasn’t helping Castiel try and control himself. Anything he said seemed a bit
hypocritical considering that was all he ever thought about lately.
“D’you really think if I let you bite me no one would be able to make us stop
seeing each other?” Dean asked. He didn’t actually know how this mating thing
worked. He thought about going to Bobby before he remembered he was still
pissed at him, and quickly dismissed it. Castiel shrugged. He had no more idea
than Dean did. Everything was now driven by instinct and the desire to claim
his mate before anyone else started sniffing around him.
“I just thought you didn’t want to. Every time I manage to get you on your
back, you always stop me.” Castiel said, and Dean’s mouth suddenly dropped into
an arc. He really never meant to be such a cock tease but had no clue how
difficult it was for an alpha to have a taste and be left wanting. Dean still
hadn’t fully presented and it was getting so hard for Castiel to wait for an
omega he already marked to catch up with his growing libido. “Hey. I’m not mad,
Dean. Please don’t look at me like that.” Castiel lifted up one hand to play
with Dean’s hair where it had fallen over his eyes. Castiel hated to see him so
sad. “You’re not ready. It’s okay.” Dean leaned into Castiel’s caress and even
attempted a soft smile. He didn’t think he would need much persuasion to offer
up his throat. His body was more than ready when he responded to the delicate
touch against his skin. The more damaging crap was all in his head.
“That’s not really what I meant… anyway.” Dean said lightly, the powerful
moment evaporating with the dawning sun when he finally managed to pull himself
away from that hypnotic gaze. “We made a promise now, Cas. I don’t make
promises I can’t keep and one day, I swear.” Dean edged forward to let Castiel
kiss him again. “I’ll let you bite me.”
“I’ll hold you to that, Winchester.” Castiel whispered, shifting back to ease
the throbbing ache that was begging him to take Dean right there before it got
too much. He forced himself to think about something else while it went down.
“Well, if your dad says something to mine, I’ll be ready for him.” Castiel said
bravely. Dean was impressed – of course. Castiel already suspected that man
knew a lot more than he made out, and that was just insulting. He knew his
master plan for the trip home had been effective for a while at least, and they
probably wouldn’t have to leave Haven until his mother was ready for him to
move back there. His dad must have wondered why Castiel was so determined to
establish himself as the dominant alpha male back in Peoria, but it wasn’t his
own father he was worried about anymore.
In the end, Alex only delivered him to the one place in the world where he
would find the boy who would make him present faster than anything else ever
could. Castiel was smart enough to know it was no coincidence. They were meant
to be together, him and Dean. Special - like he said.
He was jerked from those absent thoughts when Dean spoke again.
“I can’t think about it anymore. I gotta go. My dad’ll be up for work soon.
He’ll have my hide if he catches me. I’ll try and sneak out to see you later.”
Dean added, with a sigh. He reluctantly stood up and brushed himself down to
get rid of any traces of his escape. “Don’t forget, we gotta pretend we’re not
seeing each other anymore.”
“Alright… Dean?” Castiel suddenly spun round to catch Dean’s attention before
he disappeared over the bank. Dean waited patiently while he watched Castiel’s
mouth move round a circle of empty air. Whatever he intended to say didn’t seem
to want to come out when his friend was looking at him like that.
“I’ll miss you.”
“Me too, Cas. I’ll see ya later.”
Dean held on to that happy feeling while he headed home. His heat wasn’t over
yet, but all the pain had gone now Castiel was close again. The longing ache
that tortured Dean when he was alone had almost faded away to nothing since
Castiel marked him for claiming. It was only a matter of time before their
desire for each other would intensify so much, Castiel would be desperate to
knot Dean before anyone had chance to stop their bond from coming to
completion.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was surprised to see the Singer repair truck parked on the curb next to
his house when he crept through the morning shadows and let himself back in
through the window. It felt like all the people he should be able to turn to
were conspiring against him. He waited inside his bedroom for a few tense
minutes while he tried to listen to the conversation already mid-flow in the
kitchen. He could hear the two men chatting but the words sounded distant,
muffled by the barrier between them. Dean couldn’t quite make out whole
sentences but it was clear they’d been talking for some time.
“I don’t suppose that asshole over the road is gonna be too happy about it
either.” John sighed.
“You don’t have to tell him.”
“I don’t think I need to, Bob.” John shook his head. “He’s gonna figure it out
sooner or later. He’s a dick, but he’s not stupid. Clueless would probably be a
better word. You’d think he’d be able to tell if Castiel is getting more
dominant.”
Bobby took a slurp of warm coffee.
“Maybe not. That whole idea is only used to explain how animals fit into social
groups, anyway. We all do it, John. Just sometimes it’s more important to
people like Dean and Cas.”
“And Mary.”
“You really gotta let that go. You’re a good man, John.” Bobby said, and he
meant it. “But if you hold onto that forever you’re gonna make some real bad
decisions for the family you still got.”
Dean was now convinced they would both do their damnedest to try and make him
and Cas forget all about true mates and smack him upside the head with a slug
of reality. They would never understand how much they needed to be together. It
was all so wrong. Dean kicked open the bedroom door and made a noisy entrance
to make sure they knew he was in eavesdropping distance. Bobby coughed
discreetly and set his mug back down.
“Mornin’, kid. How’s it going? Cas alright?”
The blow of seeing Bobby sitting so comfortably at his kitchen counter only
made the hurt of being sold-out flare up again with a vengeance.
“I wouldn’t know.” Dean replied bluntly. “Haven’t seen him.” Bobby knew that
wasn’t true when the tang of fading musk hit the back of his throat when Dean
came closer. “Why you here?”
“Dean.” John silenced his son with a glare. “Manners.”
“S’okay.” Bobby dismissed Dean’s rudeness with an idle wave, not expecting John
to defend him. He knew how that must have looked the night before and he
couldn’t blame Dean for putting his guard back up. “I just thought I’d pick
your dad up for work today.” Bobby attempted. Dean suspected that wasn’t true
either and made a point of blatantly ignoring the sympathetic smile that was
shining back at him. “Give us chance to talk. Straighten a few things out.” He
added. It was far too early to rise to it, and Dean was still sore from
thinking somebody he trusted so completely might have betrayed him. He
pretended he was going out to the garage to sort out his fishing gear. Bobby
waited until he was out of earshot before he tried again.
“Listen, John.” Bobby said, suddenly serious. John knew he was going to bring
up the subject again and quite honestly, he was too tired. “I’m sure you reckon
keepin’ those boys apart is the right thing to do but it won’t make you feel
any better. You don’t know what you’re doing, even thinkin’ about pulling them
away from each other.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.”
Bobby knew John was thinking about leaving, desperately hoping he could
persuade him to stay. If this omega thing got any worse it wouldn’t matter
where they were. At least if Dean was still close, Bobby would be able to look
after him.
“They’re already bonded, John - can’t you tell?” Bobby couldn’t imagine anyone
who hadn’t spent their entire existence in a cave with their eyes shut would
have missed that. John flicked his head round and shot his friend a cold stare
of alarm. “Simmer down, not like that.” Bobby replied. He knew Castiel hadn’t
bitten Dean yet, but he was concerned they had already gone beyond the point of
being able to stop nature from taking its course. “It might damage him in ways
you can’t ever take back. You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you got
such a deep connection with. Don’t do anything stupid, John. You got no idea
what that would do to him.”
John sighed again and leaned up against the sink to steady himself. He was
staring out the window, painful memories flooding back with the sick feeling
that washed over him. He strategically put it down to the hangover.
“I’m not gonna let my boy get taken by an alpha, Bobby. I just… can’t.”
There was little point in saying anything else. Bobby knew he had no right to
dish out orders. Dean wasn’t his, no matter how much he loved him like his own.
“Well, you know I ain’t one fer beggin' but promise me you’ll at least think
about it ’fore you go chargin’ off into the sunset.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it.” John said slowly. “But only ’cause you asked me.”
Bobby gave him a grateful nod and dared to let out a little sigh of relief,
secure in the belief he might have bought Dean and Castiel some time at least.
“No promises.” John added. Bobby didn’t turn around. He paused in the doorway
just for a second and straightened up when he drew in a deep breath. His hand
was still resting on the door handle.
“I’ll be in the truck.” He closed the back door behind him and stopped when he
saw Dean sitting cross-legged in the middle of the driveway, his eyes fixed on
the corner house.
“Waitin’ for your friend?” Bobby said quietly.
“His name is Cas.” Dean snapped. He was testing how far he could push it. “And
no thanks to you, now he's the only one who doesn’t make me feel like I should
be ashamed of what I am.”
“Dean.” Bobby’s hesitant smile soon faded. “That’s the last thing you should
be. For what it’s worth, I didn’t say a word to your dad.” He added. “It was
just really crappy timing.”
Dean sighed. Sammy was probably right - as usual. Bobby was the only one who
had been honest with them from the start.
“I want to believe you.” Dean murmured quietly. It didn’t sound particularly
convincing.
“Good. Then we’ll leave it at that for now, but if you ever need anything, son.
If you’re ever in real trouble, you come to me.” Bobby promised. “I’ll do my
best to watch out for you. You have my word.”
Dean was going to have to hold him to that. He couldn’t imagine then how much
he would one day need a place to hide when he was the one who was desperate to
protect something he loved.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Fateful Symmetry *****
34. Fateful Symmetry
Bobby thought he probably said more than enough and left Dean alone with his
thoughts while he slowly walked over to open the car door. He still felt
terrible about what happened with John and wanted Dean to understand how much
he cared, but he knew his advice wasn’t particularly valuable right now. Bobby
guessed John would have put the pieces together in his own sweet time. Now that
luxury hadn't just been taken away, it exploded into something Dean wasn’t
ready for. Bobby was waiting patiently for John to come out when Dean’s face
suddenly appeared at the window. He looked like he wanted to say something, so
Bobby wound it down and let him talk.
“What is it, Dean?” Bobby asked, with a sigh. It was too early in the morning
to deal with the aftermath of the monumental fuck up he unwittingly
participated in the night before. Dean wasn’t sure how to phrase it, so he just
blurted it out and hoped for the best.
“Will we be able to stay together if I let Cas bite me?”
Bobby’s face dropped like a stone. That was the last thing he expected.
“Dean… it ain’t for me to say. That’s not really a decision you should let
anyone else make for you, boy.” He replied tactfully. The look of
disappointment on Dean’s face filled Bobby’s conscience with sympathy, but he
was right. That was something Dean had to decide for himself. Bobby had no
intention of giving him the green light to be bonded to an alpha for life while
he was still in short pants. “I don’t think it would stop your dad, or even his
for that matter, taking you away from each other. That’s somethin’ I wouldn’t
wish on anybody. It might break you.” Bobby didn’t mean it to sound quite so
cataclysmic but he wasn’t going to lie. Dean stared back at him in silence with
so much sadness in his eyes it was heartbreaking. Bobby didn't see a presenting
omega standing there - just a lost little boy. “I know that’s not the answer
you wanted, kid, but I don’t know what else to say.” Bobby gave Dean a
compassionate smile he had to force his mouth to make. He shook his head and
cautiously reached through the gap to place a comforting touch on Dean’s arm.
“Last time I gave advice to someone, it didn’t work out so good.” Dean’s eyes
narrowed in confusion. Bobby gave him a few seconds to catch up.
“My dad?” Dean whispered. Bobby nodded thoughtfully.
“Yeah.”
“What happened? Was it something to do with Mom?” Dean could feel his heart
start to flutter with the mention of her name. He made a point of trying hard
not to think about her at all. It didn’t hurt so much then.
“I thought she'd come round, you know. See sense ‘cause of you and Sammy. I
told him to wait it out and give her some space. It was a mistake.” He added.
“I didn’t know about any of that alpha stuff when I was young.” Dean frowned
even harder. Bobby seemed to know everything about what he was going through
and had shitloads of books in his house. Dean wondered if that was just another
lie, but Bobby soon answered it for him. “I know what yer thinkin’." Bobby
never ceased to amaze him. It was like he had some kind of sixth sense, or
could somehow see inside his head. If Dean hadn’t been so desperate for answers
that might have freaked him out more than it actually did. “I started
collecting all that crap after your mom left. I wanted to know what happened.
Why I failed my friend.” Dean made a little gasp of surprise when he realized
how much guilt Bobby still felt for something he had no control over.
“That wasn’t your fault.” Dean murmured, starting to understand why Bobby had
been so willing to help. A small thread of trust was creeping back while he
listened.
“I didn’t wanna fail you, too.” Bobby admitted quietly. “But… well, so much for
that.”
“I don’t think that.” Dean finally allowed himself to return the smile. “I know
you wanted to help me. Help us.” He sighed. “I just don’t know what to do
anymore. I’m so scared.” Bobby opened his mouth to say something else but the
moment was shattered by the sound of the back door swinging shut. John appeared
over Dean’s shoulder. Bobby nodded to him, mainly because he wanted to give
Dean the heads up his father was now standing behind him.
“Get your Cas to read the book I gave you.” Bobby said quickly, before John was
close enough to hear what had passed between them. “Might help you to make the
right choice.” Dean nodded discreetly and backed away. John looked worried and
maybe still a little pissed, but the alcohol was slowly filtering out of his
system. His voice was much softer than it had been when he was tearing a strip
off Dean for keeping something so serious from him.
“Right, Dean. I want you to watch Sammy again today. I’ll be back around six,
and then me and you need to talk.” John said, starting to climb into the truck
before turning to make sure his son hadn’t forgotten the rules about Castiel.
“And I don’t want that boy over today. You're not to see him 'til I’ve decided
what the hell we’re gonna do about this mess.” John gave him a warning glare to
let him know he better do as he was told and slammed the car door while Bobby
started up the engine. Dean pushed his lips together to stop himself from
shouting something he would probably regret. Calling the bond he had with an
alpha he was hopelessly in love with a mess was one step over the line. He
nodded, but he knew that was exactly what he was going to do as soon as the
truck disappeared round the corner. He could probably bribe Sam into silence
again. Not that Dean even cared anymore. It wasn’t like his life could get any
worse, and that kid really was shamefully easy to win over.
                                 ………. «» ……….
It was late morning by the time Dean finally got the opportunity to leg it. He
left Sam on the couch with his Nintendo and an industrial size tub of ice
cream. He was thinking hard about what Bobby said. Dean was too young to
understand the kind of fateful symmetry in the way his own path in life had
been entangled with his mother’s. There really was no such thing as
coincidence. Maybe just God’s way of staying anonymous.
Castiel was already waiting for him, just like Dean knew he would be. They ran
into each other’s arms and shared a kiss before tumbling in to a heap on the
grass. Castiel didn’t let go of him for a long time. Dean was much more
submissive while his heat was still raging through his young body and
everything felt so right when he was in the shelter of Castiel’s arms. As soon
as he hit puberty Castiel was much more persuasive than Dean ever expected when
they met. He wanted to submit to the possessive alpha who was slowly taking
over and leaned into Castiel’s side when he pulled him into his lap. Now
Castiel was almost mature he was increasingly physical in the way he wanted to
show Dean how much he cared for him.
“You know, I heard my dad and Bobby talking this morning.” Dean said, after a
long comfortable silence. “He might spill it all to yours soon and I know he
wouldn’t want you to be with me. He’d prob’ly never say it, but I wouldn’t be
surprised if he thinks you should be embarrassed to be seen with an omega.”
Part of him really believed that was true. “You’re not ashamed of me, are you?”
Dean asked quietly.
“’Course not, you idiot.” Castiel whispered, with a soft laugh. That was
definitely one of the stupidest questions Dean ever asked. “You’re my little
pookie, remember?” Castiel smiled down so warmly at him, Dean was completely
helpless again. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” Castiel held Dean
fixed against him just by the look in his eyes. Such romantic sentiments always
made Dean’s insides feel like they had turned to mush. He reckoned Cas could
probably be a right little charmer if he actually put his mind to it. It might
even be worth asking him to talk to John and give him a shot at trying to
persuade his dad to let them see each other. Dean shivered, but it wasn’t from
the cold chill of morning air when it swept across the surface of the water.
“Cas.” Dean said, with a shy blink. “You’re so sweet to me.” Dean could feel
his mouth wanting to say the words I love you but all three were still stuck
behind a wall of uncertainty. He was pretty sure his alpha felt the same, but
he couldn’t risk the rejection. Dean knew Castiel had presented and was now
working on pure instinct. There were no such guarantees with his heart.
“You deserve it.” Castiel replied, kissing the top of Dean’s head just to prove
the point. “Hey, that reminds me. Close your eyes.” He said suddenly, and Dean
obeyed without question while Castiel propped him up a bit so he could slip one
hand into his pocket. Dean felt him reach for his wrist and laughed when
something tickled his palm. “I got this in the store while I was waiting for
you this morning. My dad took us in to the next town over to fetch the papers.
He said something was going on that was all over the news.” Castiel already
dismissed it. Being with Dean was much more important. “’Kay, you can look now.
I couldn’t believe it when I saw this. It made me think of you, of course. I
wanted to get you something ‘cause I knew how upset you were. Promise me you’ll
wear it for always, Dean.” Dean opened his eyes and stared down into his hand.
There was a little silver charm in the shape of a dragonfly with a link at the
top. Castiel wanted him to keep it forever, even if his worst nightmare came
true and he never saw Dean again.
“I promise. God, Cas. It’s beautiful.” Dean could hardly get his words out
while he fumbled to attach it to the band that was still wrapped around his arm
like it was meant to be there. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You can thank me later.” Castiel winked,
edging in closer. Dean was starting to suspect every waking moment was now
spent coming up with new ways to try and seduce him. It was working. Dean let
Castiel smother him in a covetous hug and dared another kiss. They seemed to be
getting much longer and more forceful, like Castiel was constantly hungry for
another taste with every passing second they were together. Dean wasn’t even
surprised that didn’t bother him as much as it used to. Castiel was quickly
becoming a dominant alpha with far too much testosterone for someone that
small.
“How can anyone think this is wrong?” Dean said suddenly, examining the
delicate token now suspended at his wrist. “Me and you? I mean, I sort of get
why everyone’s so scared but it should be something only we can decide. Bobby
told me as much this morning.”
“Bobby? I thought you didn’t want to talk to him.”
“Yeah, I know but he told me something earlier.” Dean didn’t give Castiel any
details - it wouldn’t be fair. “I really think he was trying to help, Cas. He
said you should read that book.”
“Did he? Huh. I looked at it last night actually, but I was too tired to read
for long.”
“Well, he did say he wanted to talk to you when you got back but that was all
screwed to hell last night. Don't you remember? He was gonna check on some
special bond or somethin’.” Dean explained. Castiel was lost in thought again
for a moment.
“Maybe it’s that true mate thing he hinted at. I only kinda glanced through it,
anyways. There was a lot of stuff I didn’t understand, but if you really think
we can trust him after all, maybe we could drop by later when your dad’s
finished work."
“I got no chance tonight. You can bet your last dollar he’s gonna be watching
me like a goddamn hawk.” Dean tutted, pulling up a handful of bluegrass. He
threw it violently into the pond in frustration. “You could go, though.” Dean
suggested, after he watched it sink. Castiel stared up at the clear sky while
he gave that some consideration. “I asked him what would happen if you bit me.”
Dean murmured hesitantly. Castiel’s attention was instantly drawn back to him.
“Really? That was brave. What did he say?”
“Not much. Been thinkin’ about it a lot, though. I want you to, Cas. I really
do, but Bobby said if we do and then we get split up, it’s gonna hurt real
bad.”
“I know. I guessed as much, but maybe it’s worth taking a chance.” Castiel
breathed against Dean’s lips. They were still wet with his kiss and the
temptation to stay fastened to Dean’s mouth until the sun went down again was
almost worth dying for. At least he would meet his maker with a smile on his
face. “Tell you what, I’ll read some more of that book and then we can decide
what we want to do together. Maybe I could go down there later. Just so you
know, I meant it when I said I wasn’t gonna push you.” Castiel promised. Dean
smiled. He was so lucky to have found someone like that.
“Thanks, Cas.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam had been settled in the middle of the couch for hours. He hardly even
noticed Dean come in and slump down next to him while he watched the latest
newscast. His face was almost white, staring at the flashing images reflected
in the shine of his eyes. Sam suddenly seemed pulled from his trance and turned
to Dean in shock.
“I don’t believe it. The omega registration bill passed preliminary committee.
It’s going through, Dean. If no one stops this it’s gonna become law.” Dean had
no idea what he was going on about and waited with his mouth hanging open for
some kind of explanation he could understand. Sam sighed and rolled his eyes in
despair. Dean had obviously been too busy with Castiel to find time to catch up
on his politics. Sam impulsively threw himself at Dean and hugged him like he
never wanted to let go. Dean didn’t really know where to put himself, never
having been one for open displays of affection with his kid brother. It was
only because Sam was so upset, Dean let that one slide. “You just don’t get it,
do you?” Sam muttered against his skin where his face was buried in Dean’s
shoulder, messy hair stroking his cheek. “There’ll be no more hiding.” Dean
didn’t like the way he said that. His breath caught in his throat when Sam
finally released the death grip around his neck and looked up at him with tears
in his little hazel eyes. “Just running.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Acceptance *****
35. Acceptance
Dean only had a few frantic seconds to ask Sam what the hell he meant by that.
They heard someone pull up on the driveway and Dean carefully slipped out from
underneath Sam’s arms and flicked back one of the drapes to get a better look.
He knew they didn’t have long when Dean realized Bobby had brought John home
for lunch. He never usually came back during the day and Dean was almost
certain it was only so he could check on him and make sure Castiel wasn’t
there. So much for trust. Not that he’d technically earned it. Dean nearly
broke his neck to get down to the pond as soon as the coast was clear but that
wasn’t really the point. Well, if that’s how he was going to be then Dean had
no intention of sharing anything with him ever again.
“Running from what?” Dean asked Sam in a hurried whisper, darting back to the
couch to pretend he’d been sitting there all morning bored shitless with only
Sammy for company. Sam was drying his eyes and managed to produce a dramatic
sniffle to make sure he had his brother’s full attention. “Sammy?” Dean
prompted, more urgently this time. “I don’t really get all this omega stuff.
What bill?” Sam pulled his knees all the way up to his chest and hugged himself
tight.
“Dean. I’ve been telling you about this for weeks. There’s some trouble, some
very bad trouble. Some mean alphas want to boss people about and think omegas
like you should be kept under control so as they can wipe them out.” Sam
sighed.
“Wipe us out? Jesus… why?” Dean stammered. Sam didn’t miss that was the first
time Dean accepted what he was without actually bitching about it.
“It’s something to do with what’s inside them, I think.” Sam added
thoughtfully. “They said the beta gene’s gone already and they want the omegas
to go too so only alphas and normal people are left. Dean flinched, but he
didn’t contest it. Sam hadn’t meant that to sound quite so offensive. “I don’t
know why. S’pose cause they wanna be the most important, I dunno.” Sam’s voice
trailed off when he heard the back door open. Dean was being unbelievably dense
this morning and Sam knew he would have to fill in the gaps for him later when
they were alone again.
The boys could hear muffled voices getting louder and Dean looked up anxiously
to see Bobby standing in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest. He
gave Dean an understanding smile and a little nod to let him know he really was
doing his best to show he hadn’t squealed on him. Bobby was a pretty shrewd
customer, and suspected Dean went running to Castiel as soon as they pulled
onto the main road. He could see Dean’s cheeks were flushed and the grass
stains on his knees were a bit of a giveaway. Dean could feel the panic rising
when he heard his father shout for Sam to join him in the kitchen. He hoped
their dad wouldn’t see Sam’s eyes were still wet with unshed tears. Sam gave
Dean a nervous glance and jumped up like someone had poked him with a stick. He
plodded off to the kitchen and left Dean sitting alone, everything Sam told him
cascading through his mind in broken images.
Bobby and Dean stared at each other for a few seconds in knowing silence until
Dean shifted back a bit and the little silver dragonfly caught the light and
sparkled like a tiny star. Bobby’s gaze was drawn straight to it, and Dean
quickly pulled down his sleeve to try and cover the charm. Bobby spared a quick
glance over his shoulder to make sure Sammy was keeping John occupied. Poor kid
looked like he was in the middle of a painful interrogation.
“That’s real pretty, Dean.” Bobby said quietly. “Looks like someone’s set on
winning your heart.” Dean was so worried Sam was busy dropping him in it from
the other room he stood up and walked towards the doorway, his eyes darting
behind Bobby’s shoulder.
“He already has it.” Dean replied softly, looking like a deer caught in
headlights when he realized he was the subject of a rather probing
conversation. Dean prepared himself for the worst, but his dad just ruffled his
hair and attempted an uncomfortable smile.
“I’m glad to hear you didn’t disobey me, Dean. Sam tells me you’ve been here
with him since I left. Good boy.” John said, gesturing to Sam he was allowed to
go. Dean could practically hear his own heart pounding in his chest and stared
at Sam in amazement when he edged past him. Dean never expected his brother to
cover for him. No doubt Sam would be looking to cash in the favour at some
point, but in that moment Dean didn’t care. He would have given Sam anything he
asked for to make sure he would be able to keep seeing Castiel in secret
without the fear of being on the receiving end of some John Winchester
retribution.
“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean whispered, practically collapsing against the wall with
relief. It would be short lived. Sam might have saved Dean from immediate
justice but he had caved under pressure and told their dad why he was so upset.
John knew enough about what was going on to have been concerned before, but
that revelation was a whole different kind of crazy. The boys were sent back to
watch TV and John kicked the door closed so he could talk to his friend in
peace.
“Sam just told me the registration bill might go through, Bobby.” John gasped.
He had hidden most of his alarm from Sam at the news, but now John knew he had
to do something before his little omega son was just a name and number in a
manila folder. “What the hell am I supposed to do with that?” John exhaled a
deep breath and pushed both hands into his hair. “Well, that settles it.” He
said suddenly. “We gotta go, Bobby. I have to get Dean somewhere safe.”
“C’mon, John... at least think about it.” Bobby was trying to make it sound a
lot less terrifying than it really was. “That stupid bill hasn’t gone through
yet, and there ain’t no guarantee it will. There’s no point in goin' all postal
and just bolting off to fuck knows where.” Bobby didn’t use cuss words very
often but he was so worried for Dean, his frustration came spilling out. “What
would that achieve? And what about Castiel? He’s an alpha, John. I told you
already, them boys are bonded.” Bobby didn’t even attempt to hide his distress,
and that was without knowing they now shared a bond of blood as well. “It’s not
right.” Bobby could feel a rare burst of emotion trying to break free. Copious
amounts of whisky had managed to dampen most of it for as long as he
remembered, but something tore at his conscience when Bobby gave it some
serious thought. Resorting to something that drastic could damage both boys so
deeply they might never come back from it. “Those poor kids.” He murmured to
himself.
“I’m not gonna tell him.” John added, his jaw set in a firm line of
determination. “I’m not a monster, Bobby. I know what it’s like to lose someone
I care about, remember? Let them have a few last days together.”
Bobby kept his mouth shut. If he opened it, he might have been tempted to let
John know he was a heartless dick, and that would probably have done more harm
than good. It was going to hit Dean hard. John couldn’t imagine then how a
decision like that would change Dean forever and shape that boy into someone he
was never meant to be. Bobby should have guessed John’s knee-jerk reaction
would be to just drop everything and run but where would they go anyway? Bobby
knew John well enough to know he had very little family and had brought the
boys up on his own with whatever crap pay he got from work. He didn’t know the
truth about alphas and omegas like his friend did. Bobby had spent years
reading up on it and believed Dean and Castiel were true mates since he first
saw them together. It only seemed more cruel to leave those babies in the dark
and let them hold onto a hopeless dream they were going to carve out their own
little slice of happiness than to tell them the truth and deal with the fallout
later.
Bobby took John back to work that afternoon with a heavy heart.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel had Bobby’s book wedged under one arm and a huge smile on his face when
the boys met up again after lunch. Dean was much happier now he was sure Sam
would keep his secret safe and Castiel knew their time together wouldn’t be
disturbed again until John finished work. He practically skipped over the long
grass when he saw Dean.
“Well take a look at you, Hawkeye.” Dean laughed. “What you so happy about?”
Castiel was still beaming when he ran over to Dean, taking him in his arms
without a moment’s hesitation. The pet names they used for each other just kind
of stuck and Dean wondered if they would always remember them, whatever
happened.
"What? You don’t think the sight of your gorgeous face isn’t enough to perk me
up?” Castiel replied. Dean kicked aimlessly at the bank and flushed pink. He
didn’t really have an answer for that. Castiel dropped his arms and grabbed a
handful of ass while he nuzzled at that beautiful omega throat with a soft
growl of desire. Dean knew he was leaking again the second Castiel’s lips
brushed against his skin and quickly dropped to the ground in a futile attempt
to disguise it, pulling Castiel down next to him with a determined tug of his
hand. Castiel was on top of him before Dean had chance to get another word out.
He gasped in a breath from the impact and felt something hard dig into the top
of his thigh. Dean wasn’t so naïve that the implication passed him by a second
time, and knew exactly how well he managed to perk Castiel up. “I don’t want
you to think you have to hide it, Dean. I can smell you.” Castiel dipped his
head and licked around the curve of Dean’s ear so he could feel the heat of his
breath when he whispered those words to him. Dean turned his head to one side
just to make sure he heard right. One look into those icy blues told him he
hadn’t made a mistake.
“Cas… don’t. It’s embarrassing. I can’t control it anymore.”
“Good. I like it.” Castiel said, with a little hum of approval. “It’s coming
from that stuff you told me about. I know what it is now.” Castiel reluctantly
sat up and let Dean take in some air. He tapped on the cover of the book with a
smug grin.
“So you had another look, huh?” Dean brushed himself down and leaned into
Castiel so they could go through the text together. Castiel opened up the pages
and started to explain what he found out about why they were so drawn to each
other. “Well, come on then – dish it.” Dean elbowed him.
“That slick you got, the scent is to let an alpha know when an omega wants a
knot.” Castiel began with the basics. He learned a lot in the last couple of
hours, but he had a hunch Dean wasn’t ready to hear all the delicious details
he spent most of the morning pawing over with a fixed smile on his face and an
unbelievable ache between his legs.
“What’s a knot?” Dean asked innocently. He never heard of anything like that
before and wasn’t sure how to feel about Castiel talking about him like he came
with an instruction manual.
“Er… well, not sure you’ll be glad you asked, but it’s like a swelling for
mating.” Castiel paused. He told Dean once he wasn’t made quite right down
there, but now he understood why he looked so different. Dean didn’t bring it
up so Castiel was obviously going to have to spell that one out. “So the alpha
stays inside to make extra sure sperm gets where it’s supposed to go.” Dean
knew he was staring but he couldn’t seem to look away. He figured they had to
talk about it sooner or later but some of the visuals were a bit much. If Dean
didn’t know any better, he might have thought Castiel was enjoying watching him
squirm.
“Why does everyone keep comparing me to a girl?” Dean was frowning so hard,
Castiel almost laughed.
“No one thinks you’re a girl, Dean.” Castiel placated him with a tender kiss to
the cheek. “But alphas have a lot of male hormones so I guess you win that one
by default.” Dean thought for a while his bits hadn't grown quite as much as
they should but it was so humiliating he hadn’t dared say anything to Castiel,
and Dean knew from the pressure on top of him earlier there was no comparison
between them. That kind of made sense if omegas weren’t the ones actually doing
the poking, but it didn’t make him feel any happier about it. Castiel wouldn't
have cared anyway. He loved Dean just the way he was. “There’s not much more
about that true mate thing ‘cept how sometimes they can push each other into
presenting. If they bond while they’re young some of those special boys can
have babies.”
“Cas. Only Sam believes crap like that. I know he’s smart, but sometimes he’s
an idiot.” Dean didn’t imagine the look that passed between them. He could have
sworn Castiel seemed crushed. The alpha in him was desperate to mate and
reproduce, but Castiel didn’t know that was why he felt the way he did.
“Yeah, I know. The book says they can though, if the two people have a special
bond. I think that’s what Bobby was trying to say but I don’t suppose it really
matters. It’s pretty rare.”
Dean soon lost any passion for discussing the dynamics of something he didn’t
understand. It wasn’t like it applied to them anyway and Dean was much more
interested in what Castiel was doing with his hands. He had been so scared they
wouldn’t be able to see each other at all, Castiel’s gentle touch was like the
caress of angel wings against his skin, each kiss a sweet promise. Dean
intended to savour every single one.
“You believe in fairies as well, Cas?” Dean pushed a well-placed knee between
Castiel’s legs and gave him a playful nudge. “Now stop talking and put your
mouth to better use.” Dean smiled up at his alpha. He was inviting Castiel in
completely with those shining green eyes, and Castiel would be damned if he was
going to disappoint. Dean let Castiel kiss him again to distract him from the
little voice in his head that kept telling him how precious those moments would
really be when Castiel was just a painful memory.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Judgement Call *****
36. Judgement Call
Bobby was unusually quiet on the drive back to the shop. John knew he was mad
with him, but trying to make sure Dean’s virginity stayed intact wasn’t really
anyone else’s decision to make. John wanted his son to experience life first
before he was shackled to a boy he only just met.
“I know what you’re thinking, Singer.” John gave his friend a hesitant glance
from the corner of one eye. Bobby’s gaze was fixed straight ahead, making a
rather sorry attempt to pretend he was too busy concentrating on the road to
participate in a conversation. John had been in that death trap of a truck with
him too many times before to fall for that bullshit. “I get you think we should
stay, but who knows how bad this is gonna get? I’m just tryin’ to look out for
him."
“I know you are.” Bobby conceded, after a pause. “But I got a lotta time for
that kid, an’ I don’t wanna see him hurtin’. You ain’t seen ‘em together,
John.”
“Yeah, I have. His dad came over looking for him. Stuck up prick, he is. If
that Castiel is anything like his father, then I’m doing Dean a lifelong
favour.”
“I don’t know the man, but Cas is real sweet… the way he looks at Dean.” Bobby
stopped himself from saying too much. He didn’t want John to think he’d gone
soft. “That only comes once in a lifetime, but… well, ain’t none of my
business, anyway.”
“Don’t stop you though, does it?” John smiled. He understood Bobby had always
been very fond of Dean. Now he knew how vulnerable the boy was, it only seemed
to intensify some protective instinct.
“Not usually.” Bobby coughed. “But I’m guessin’ that was before they started
bonding. Just sayin’, maybe you should talk to ‘em, see what those lads are
like with each other.”
“You wanna know the truth, Bob?”
“’Course.”
“I’m scared. Fucking terrified, if I’m honest. Not just for that shitty
registration thing. It’s the thought of him being knotted. I know how it works,
for Christ’s sake. No one wants to imagine their kids doing stuff like that.
He’s too young.”
“I think it must be different for alphas and omegas. We don’t understand it
‘cause we’re not like them. It don’t seem to matter how young they are if
they’re s’posed to be mated. If Dean and Cas are meant to be together, it’s
gonna happen sooner or later.”
“Not if I take him away first.” John said quickly, but Bobby didn’t think even
that would be enough to keep them apart forever.
“But why prolong the inevitable? If those boys are destined to bond, nothing’s
gonna stop them from getting together. Even if it takes ‘em twenty years.
They’ll find each other, John. Remember I said that.” Bobby rarely bothered to
think about anything beyond the next drink, but seemed very convinced he would
be proved right if he was still breathing air when that day came.
“I can’t remember much of anything these days.” John replied, staring out the
window with his chin resting in one hand.
“Not all alphas are assholes. You might actually like Castiel if you bothered
to get to know him instead of writing him off before the poor kid’s even
finished presenting.”
“I doubt it.” John answered, without turning round. That was a bit brutal, even
for him, but Bobby didn’t bother to rise to it. “How do you know so much about
it, anyway?” John asked suspiciously. Bobby hesitated for a second.
“You know I saw Dean that time he was upset?” John nodded, and finally spun
round to look over his shoulder while Bobby carried on. “It wasn’t just that.
He came to me, wanted to know what was happening to him. Remember, I took an
interest in all that stuff when Mary left.” John shifted uncomfortably in his
seat at the memory. He nodded again. “You might have done well to do the same
instead of sticking your head in the goddamn sand.” John didn’t say anything
but Bobby could sense a pool of bubbling pressure simmering under the surface,
ready to erupt. Bobby hoped he wasn’t saving that for one of the boys. “He just
wants you to understand him, John.” Bobby added, his voice suddenly calm. “It
ain’t a lot to ask.”
“Fine. Jesus, a car ride with you is worse than water torture. If you promise
to stop talking, I’ll ask Castiel over later and give him one chance, and I
mean one chance.” John repeated, when he saw the self-satisfied smirk
stretching across Bobby’s face. “To tell me why they should be allowed to see
each other, but I swear if this political thing goes south, it’s decision made,
Bobby.”
“Deal. Not telling them you prob'ly ain't stickin' around much longer just
seemed like a really crappy thing to do. You know what it’s like when you’re
that age. Summer days last forever and you got all the time in the world.”
“I can’t remember being young either.” John said casually. Bobby thought that
was probably true despite the fact John had suddenly developed amnesia to avoid
thinking about how bad it would be for Dean if he was ripped away from Castiel
without a word of warning. John made a point of steering the conversation in
another direction. “Sam didn’t say a whole lot, but I can’t get my head round
what’s goin’ on up the coast. I thought this had always been about distribution
of power. How the hell did it escalate from wanting equal rights to tagging
omegas like stray dogs?” John shook his head, his eyes full of sadness. “No one
should play God like that.”
“People are insane.” Bobby sighed, like that somehow justified everything that
ever happened since the dawn of time. “All of us are just running scared. It
only takes one psychopath with daddy issues to do some serious damage.”
“Personal experience?”
Bobby took in a deep breath when they pulled up outside the garage.
“Always. Speaking of - I need another drink. Come on, we can talk inside.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
“Wait." Castiel gasped, when he finally released Dean's mouth. "Fairies aren’t
real?” He did his best to look absolutely horrified and clutched one hand to
his heart. Dean knew he was only messing when he gave him a wink.
“Shut up.” Dean laughed. “Idiot.”
“Charming.” Castiel collapsed on top of Dean again and dared to sprinkle loaded
kisses down his body until he reached the curve of his shoulder. Dean
instinctively turned his head and presented all that unbroken skin for a bite
without even realizing what he was doing. “I thought you loved me.” Castiel
sighed. Dean could feel his own words sticking fast again, but Castiel was so
close he couldn’t miss the chance to fish a little.
“What if I did?” Dean’s heart was suddenly pounding. Castiel stopped
worshipping Dean’s neck for a second and stared at him with so much intensity
he couldn’t remember breathing at all.
“Did what?”
“Love you.”
Castiel looked down at Dean’s mouth like he had to be sure those words actually
came out of it.
“It would make me very happy.” Castiel said gently, demanding eyes suddenly
burning into Dean’s without blinking. He desperately wanted to ask that
beautiful omega if he really meant it. “All I want is to be with you.” Castiel
admitted openly. “Take care of you always, Dean. I know my dad thinks I’m gonna
be a doctor or some hot shot lawyer but he can kiss my ass. All I really want
now is you, a family of our own.”
“Cas.” Dean murmured quietly. “I can’t think about grown-up stuff like that. I
don’t even know what’s gonna happen tomorrow… ‘sides, I don’t think that’s very
likely, considering.” Dean nodded south. Castiel didn’t really need reminding
both of them had the standard male attachment. Castiel’s was usually more
obvious, especially when he was cuddled up close to Dean. Breeding seemed an
unlikely conclusion.
“That would be kind of nice though, wouldn’t it?” Castiel tried again. Dean
didn’t reply, not sharing quite the same level of enthusiasm. The alpha need to
play happy families was much stronger. As far as Dean knew, all babies did was
poop and cry and he wasn’t particularly impressed by either. “Well, you did say
we could maybe get married one day. Why d’you think Bobby told us about that
bond?”
“Not sure. I still think there’s somethin' he’s not telling us, Cas. Reckon he
meant we’re supposed to be mated?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.” Castiel said softly, slowly tilting his head towards
Dean. He suddenly looked like he had when they first met. Shy and unsure. “I’d
like to think so.” Castiel pulled Dean into a possessive embrace and stroked
searching fingers through his hair. “We’re together now, that’s all that
matters.” Dean could have cried when he realized Castiel might love him just as
much in return.
“Sam told me some alphas are mean. Why can’t they all be like you? I know you’d
never hurt me.” Castiel didn’t have to respond to that. They both knew it was
true.
“What did he say?”
“Not much. Something about what’s inside you, like in your blood, maybe.”
Castiel thought it must be almost impossible to tell omegas apart unless they
were physically examined and that was going way beyond pissing all over human
rights, it was practically sexual assault.
“How would they know if you were an omega, anyways? Not like anyone’s gonna
admit to it if there’s a risk something bad might happen.” Dean shrugged. He
didn’t really want to say any more until he spoke with his brother again. It
probably wasn’t as bad as Sam made out, but Dean knew he was no pussy and
tougher than most kids twice his age. Dean tried not to let it get to him, but
if Sam was upset enough to shed a few tears then it was some serious shit. It
was forgotten again the second Castiel’s fingertips moved down to caress the
back of his neck. “Dean.” Castiel calmed him with tender strokes. “You can’t
just go round taking people’s blood - that’s stupid.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
It was almost six by the time Dean finally sauntered home after a long lazy
afternoon lying in Castiel’s arms and letting him touch everything except the
bit he really wanted to get his hands on. Dean sighed happily when he closed
the back door behind him.
“Hey, shrimp.” Dean called out, before moving through to the front room and
sitting down next to his brother. He knew Sam had been cut short earlier when
their father arrived home, and Dean wanted to know what else he was going to
say but didn’t really know how to ask. “Alright?” Sam nodded. “You know, you
scared the shit out of me earlier.”
“Sorry.” Sam offered apologetically. “I don’t know why I got so upset. It’s not
like it’s the law or anything yet, but sometimes I worry someone might take you
away. Dad would never get over it.” Sam really was a perceptive kid. Losing one
omega to something beyond his control sucked bad enough, but two was just
careless.
“Did you mean what you said about wiping us out?”
Sam didn’t really think mass genocide was high on the agenda, but it was a
discomforting thought. Dean obviously misunderstood what he was getting at
earlier.
“Wipe out the gene.”
“Oh.”
“Dean, no one’s gonna come give you a Columbian necktie in the middle of the
night, if that’s what you mean. I’m just saying it sucks for alphas to think
they have the right to say omegas can’t breed and pass it on.”
“So we can’t make more of us?”
Sam actually smiled for the first time that day. The delivery was a bit lacking
but Dean finally seemed to understand what Sam had been trying to tell him for
ages.
“Something like.”
“Hmm.” Dean replied vaguely. He started biting at the side of one nail, deep in
thought. Sam spotted the new addition to the leather band and flicked it with
his finger.
“That’s cute. Where d’you get it?” Dean didn’t have time to answer. “Oh, yeah…
‘course.” Sam added. “Stupid question.”
“Great.” Dean tutted, when he jerked his arm away. “So far today it's been
called pretty and now cute. One more dig and I might stop wearing pants
altogether.”
“Don’t be so tetchy.” Sam was still staring at the little charm where it
twinkled in the light. It really was beautiful. Dean glared back at him. He’d
had just about all he could take for one day.
“I think under the circumstances, I’m allowed.” Dean warned, but he seemed to
soften again when his mind drifted back to Castiel. “Anyway, me and Cas are
gonna try and sneak out to see Bobby later.” Dean paused. “You can… er… you can
come with, if you want.” Dean was already wondering if he would regret that
offer, but his heart melted when he saw Sam was staring up at him in awe like
Dean just promised him court-side seats at the Garden. He thought Sam might
like to get a look at the book Castiel had, and if Dean paid his debt now then
Sam wouldn’t be able to hold it over him for the rest of eternity.
“Really?” Sam murmured in disbelief. “You don’t mind? Hang on… what’s the
catch?”
“No catch.” Dean did owe him one. As much as he sometimes rubbed Dean up the
wrong way, Sam didn’t have to watch his back but he had anyway. Dean wasn't
sure why. “Sammy? Why did you lie to Dad earlier?”
“’Cause you and Cas like being together. You need someone to look out for you,
Dean. I feel kind of bad for you.” Sam added. “It’s not your fault you’re an
omega.”
“Gee, thanks.” Dean replied, with a little shake of his head. Sam hadn’t meant
it as an insult but it stung anyway. Sam was trying hard, but the last thing
Dean wanted was pity. Castiel never made him feel like he was anything less
than a treasured prize to be won by persistence and grabby hands. “What’s so
wrong with me that I don’t deserve to be treated like everyone else?”
“Nothing, Dean.” Sam whispered, and he really meant it. Dean was just the same
as he’d always been. A stupid label didn’t change who he was inside. “There’s
nothing wrong with you. Maybe they’re just scared of the power you could have
if you really wanted to do something about it.” Sam never realized a throw away
comment like that would have such a profound impact on the rest of their lives.
“I will, then.” Dean said suddenly. “We shouldn’t have to hide… and when I grow
up I’m gonna make some waves, Sammy. Just you watch.”
“Going to change the world, are you, Dean?” Sam humoured him with a patient
sigh, but Dean had never been more serious in his life. He would be fucked if
he was going to live any place where it wasn’t okay for him and Cas to love
each other.
“Damn straight.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Second Chances *****
37. Second Chances
Bobby spent most of the afternoon trying to persuade John to go in easy when he
went home, sometimes breaking it up by tinkering with a car or the odd shot of
bourbon. He managed to stall John as long as possible, guessing Dean would need
a few minutes to get his breath back when he got in from another forbidden
tryst. The boys knew how late their dad usually finished and Bobby checked the
time just to make sure before he let John go for the day. They packed up in
silence and Bobby walked his friend out, remembering he would have to give him
a lift home. He didn’t have a miracle cure for the mess they were in, but he
was doing what he could in his own little way. John had his head down like the
weight of the world was on his shoulders and hardly said a word until they
reached the corner of Eighth Street. He seemed to need a sudden burst of moral
support before he spoke to Dean.
“What the hell am I supposed to do, Bob?” John mumbled into his chest. Bobby
thoughtfully licked his lips and glanced over at him. He had no idea what to
say and didn’t really want a life-changing decision like that on his
conscience.
“You already know what I think.” Bobby sighed, diplomatic as ever. “Catch 22.
If you stay, there’s a risk Dean would be easier to find, and if you go - ” He
couldn’t even bring himself to say it. Dean would never be the same without
Castiel to hold on to. “Might not be greener, is all I’m sayin’.” John didn’t
reply. That wasn’t an answer and he still didn't know what he was going to ask
Castiel.
“Just tell me somethin’.” John begged. “I don’t know why they want to be
together so bad. I just don’t get it. Never have.” He added quietly. Bobby
didn’t think he meant Dean that time.
“Like what? C’mon, John. It’s taken me years to try and understand all that
bonding stuff and I still know balls all.” Bobby figured it would be better if
he just told John a few basics and let him find out what he really wanted to
know from the boys. “All I’m guessin’ is they were pulled together somehow.
Call it what you want. Luck, fate, black magic - damned if I know, but there’s
no denyin’ them kids are like two halves of a whole. They make each other happy
and that should be enough.” John was still staring down at his hands where they
were wound tightly together in his lap. “Castiel matured first, that’s a given.
Maybe Dean pushed him into presentin’ early or something.” Bobby didn’t think
it would be a good idea to throw in the true mate angle just yet, but he
suspected it for a while. Castiel had been getting much more physical lately
and there was something else about the way he stood so close to Dean that Bobby
couldn’t quite put his finger on. A possessive hold on his omega that almost
bordered on aggression if anyone else went near him. He sure was an unlikely
mate for someone brought up in the middle of nowhere with John Winchester as a
role model. “It’s the scent marking that really bothers me.” Bobby tried,
dipping a hesitant toe in the waters of sexual attraction. Dean couldn’t stop
himself from responding to it now. It was too late to take back any emotional
bond that had been sealed between them the second Castiel put that claim on
him.
“Come again.”
“Seriously?” Bobby couldn’t understand why that even deserved a response. “Even
I can smell Cas on him, John, an’ I ain’t no alpha, trust me.”
“Yeah. I got that memo, thanks.” John shook his head. The closest Bobby ever
came to domination was when he told John to pass him a spanner. He finally
looked up, just as confused as ever. “So, you’re supposed to be the expert.”
John prodded. Bobby frowned at a compliment he didn’t really feel was earned,
but John didn’t seem to have a clue so it was probably relative. “Why is that
important? I might be wrong, but wouldn’t that mean he’d be safer? Like from
other alphas, or whatever.”
“Not unless they’re mated. He may as well take out an ad.”
John cringed inside. The whole knotting thing was bad enough, but knowing Dean
would have to get bitten as well was one kink more than he could handle.
“Shit. Warn me next time. I hate that word. He’s just a kid, for crying out
loud. Don’t that matter?”
Bobby vividly remembered the look of building lust in Castiel’s eyes when Dean
was wrapped around him. He didn’t share it.
“Apparently not.” When they pulled up outside the house John seemed reluctant
to get out. “You gonna be alright?” Bobby asked. John was still lost in
thought. He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth.
“Doubt it. But I said I’d let ’em talk, and I will. Honestly can’t see it
making a crap load of difference but I can’t go back on my word. Seeing as you
did a number on me with that earlier.”
“You want me to come in with you? Bit of back up?”
John shook his head and gave Bobby a weary smile before he kicked the door open
and clambered out.
“Nah. I gotta deal with it some time.” John shuffled nervously on the sidewalk
and shoved both hands inside his pockets. “You’d only be on Dean’s side,
anyway.” He added, forcing a laugh. The tight smile soon faded. “Seriously
though. I appreciate the offer, Bobby. I know you’re only trying to help. All
of us.”
“Makes my life complete.” Bobby replied dryly. “You know where I’ll be.” He
gave John a half-hearted wave and did a questionable U-turn in the driveway
before tearing back up the street. He might not completely understand why John
would want to hurt Dean by separating the boys, but he sort of got where he was
coming from. Being a parent was the one thing he couldn’t give advice on. He
wouldn’t know where to start.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam was still smiling to himself. He very much doubted Dean could manage to
pull his mouth away from Castiel for long enough to ever do much of anything,
let alone lead a gang of die-hard omegas on a mission for world domination.
“Good luck with that.”
Dean made a little grunt in the back of his throat and nudged Sam’s arm to shut
him up. Maybe he was getting a bit ahead of himself.
“I know. Dream on, right?” Dean suddenly felt very small and unimportant again.
“But I gotta do something, Sam. It’s stupid - stupid and wrong.” Whatever plans
he might have made right then quickly dissolved into oblivion when he heard the
back door swing open. Dean suddenly stared at his brother with pleading eyes.
“Yeah, yeah.” Sam laughed. “You were with me all afternoon.”
“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean muttered again. His debts to that kid were mounting at an
alarming rate. Dean turned to look over his shoulder when John walked up behind
them and threw his jacket over the back of the couch.
“Alright, boys?” He offered, but it wasn’t really a question and he didn’t
bother waiting for them to answer. “Dean, I want you to ask Castiel over. I
think it’s time we had a little talk.”
“You want me to bring Cas here?” Dean almost fell off the couch. “I thought you
didn’t want us to see each other.” His mouth was hanging open in surprise,
wondering how that had done a complete one eighty in the space of a few hours.
“I don’t.” John stated bluntly. “But your Uncle Bobby seems to think I should
give this boy a chance to explain why I shouldn’t keep you apart.”
“Dad?” Dean gaped, his eyes full of amazement. “Really?”
“Looks like. Go fetch him ’fore I change my mind.” Dean practically vaulted
into the air and was up and on his feet in less than a second. He bolted out
the back door and ran all the way to the corner house, dizzy with the thrill of
being able to see Castiel again so soon and not even having to keep it a
secret. He sprinted up the path like the Devil was after him, desperate to tell
Castiel maybe their future together wasn’t quite so hopeless after all.
Dean was so excited he trampled straight across the lawn and shielded his eyes
to get a better look inside. He could see Alex, but it looked like he’d fallen
asleep in front of the TV with a newspaper spread open on his knees. The window
in the attic room was slightly open so Dean called up to see if he could get
Castiel’s attention. His face soon appeared behind the glass. Castiel blinked a
couple of times to make sure Dean was really standing there.
“Come down. My dad wants to see you.”
“No - your dad wants to kick my ass, Dean. What’s going on?”
“I’m serious, Cas… come on.” Dean was still jumping up and down under the
window.
Castiel’s head suddenly disappeared and the front door eased open a few seconds
later. He stepped out quietly and tried to close it behind him without making a
sound. Searching blue eyes full of shock and confusion made him look even more
adorable than usual and Dean just made a grab for his wrist and started to pull
him down the street. Dean hurriedly filled him in with a few scant details by
the time they got to the front yard.
“God, I’m so scared right now.” Castiel gasped breathlessly, and not just from
running. “What if he hates me?”
“Cas.” Dean encouraged, before they walked up the steps hand in hand. “How
could anyone hate you? You’re awesome.”
“Thanks.” Castiel laughed. “You’re not so bad yourself. Come on, we don’t wanna
keep him waiting. Shit, should I knock? I need to make a good impression if I
want to win him over. Last time I was just that missing kid, remember. I don’t
suppose that went down too well.” Castiel was more nervous than ever by the
time they reached the back door.
“Cas, you’re not asking for my hand. He only wants to talk to you. Bobby put
him up to it, you know. I could kiss him.” Dean joked, but something about that
word seemed to spark a burst of fire in the pit of Castiel’s gut.
“Don’t you dare.” Castiel made a dominating play for control and pushed Dean up
against the wall. He gasped in a breath when Castiel moved in so close he could
feel the warmth of that hot alpha body seeping into his skin. “Those lips are
mine.” Dean let Castiel slink his hands around him and stroke the base of his
back. “Lips, eyes… ass.” Castiel mumbled into his shoulder, giving it a little
tap just to make the point. “Mine, Dean. All of it.” Dean stilled in Castiel’s
arms when a deep growl vibrated against his throat. So much unfounded jealousy
should have felt insulting but it only made Dean weak all the way down to his
toes. If he could be sure no one would find them Dean might have given it up
willingly, right there on the steps of his back porch.
“Cas, stop it. You can’t meet my dad with a hard-on.” Dean forced himself to
wriggle free after Castiel stole a kiss for luck. Dean suddenly looked deadly
serious. “God, what are we going to do if he still says no? You don’t know how
bad it was without you. I thought I was dying.”
“Oh, Dean.” Castiel’s face crumpled into a mess of sympathy and the unspoken
tension was suddenly gone, replaced by a comforting hug. “I know. I felt it
too.” Castiel admitted, while he cuddled him. The memory of being apart was
still raw but he seemed to cheer up a bit when Dean snuggled into him again.
Honey-scented omega was a hell of a distraction. “But we’re not lost yet and if
we’re supposed to be together, we’ll find a way.” Castiel smiled and let Dean
yank him inside before John came out looking. He was waiting for them in the
kitchen. Castiel thought he seemed a lot bigger than he remembered. He stuck
out a trembling hand and prayed John would take it.
“Pleasure to see you again, sir.” John raised an eyebrow while he returned the
handshake. Well, that was a good start. Kid was respectful if nothing else.
Dean was chewing on his lip. “I must say, I was surprised you invited me. Dean
said you weren’t happy about us seeing each other.”
“True.” John nodded. Dean’s tentative smile dropped straight off his face. “But
maybe that wasn’t very fair. Sorry, kid, but I got a lot of trust issues with
alphas.” He couldn’t quite look Dean in the eye. “Maybe I should give you a
chance to prove me wrong.”
“Thank you. I would very much like to be allowed to see your son, Mr.
Winchester.” Castiel sighed with relief and tried to forget he had spent most
of the day lying on top of him.
“That right?” John was eyeing Castiel suspiciously. He couldn’t possibly talk
like that all the time - wasn’t natural. “And what exactly does that mean? You
need to tell me what’s really going on here boys, if you want me to be okay
with this.” John was sure he could guess well enough, but he had to ask.
“I can promise you my intentions are completely honourable.” Castiel replied,
those captivating eyes open wide in surprise that anyone would dare to suggest
otherwise. Dean saw the tell-tale twitch in his cheek. Cas never was a very
good liar. Dean knew it wasn’t strictly true but kudos to him for trying. John
couldn’t resist a little smile. Bobby had a point. That kid was very hard to
dislike.
“Good to know.” John guessed they probably were at that age, but he made up his
mind about alphas a long time ago. He suspected those fresh puppy looks would
soon be pushed into sexual overdrive. That innocence Castiel was still clinging
on to wasn’t going to last forever and then he would be pawing at Dean like he
wanted to eat him.
“We just like being together.” Castiel reached behind Dean and fumbled for his
hand. “That’s all. Dean makes me very happy and I hope he would say the same
about me.” John spared Dean a quick glance, but he was too busy drooling over
Castiel to notice. Dean didn’t really need to say anything, anyway. That soppy
grin spoke for itself. John seemed to go for it and Dean knew right then he’d
made a good call expecting Castiel to pull out some well-timed charisma in a
tight spot. He flushed with pride while he watched his alpha vie for
acceptance. Their fingertips brushed lightly behind his back and Dean tangled
them together and gave Castiel a quick squeeze for comfort. It gave him the
courage he needed to be able to stand in front of John Winchester when he was
watching every move he made. Castiel didn’t feel much like the growing
independent alpha he was inside while he held that hard stare. More like a
little boy asking for some extra pocket change.
“What about your parents? Do they know?”
“I’m just living with my dad right now but he doesn’t know anything, not
really. ’Least I don’t think he does. We don’t speak much.” Castiel was
starting to get nervous again, his confidence rapidly evaporating at the
thought of having to explain to his father the real reason he wanted to hang
out with someone Alex only looked at with contempt. “He probably knows about
the same as everyone else, but we haven’t talked about it. He doesn’t like me
very much.”
“Cas.” Dean said quietly. “That’s not true.” Castiel had been afraid Alex would
send him away or take him back to Peoria just to keep them apart if he ever
found out the truth. The threat had always been there but now it was looking
more likely John would be the one they had to watch.
“Mr. Winchester – sir.” Castiel added quickly, like that was the ultimate
persuasion tactic. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to him yet…
well, he doesn’t really listen. He’s already planned out my whole life for me.”
Castiel sighed. There was so much sadness in that steady stream of breath that
John suddenly felt very sorry for him, alpha or not. Must have been a life he
didn’t want.
“We’ll see." John replied, not sure keeping something so significant from
Castiel's father was a wise move. He would think it over later, but for now he
was impressed enough not to kick him out of the house. “You can stay for a bit.
We ain’t got nothing fancy for dinner but you’re welcome to join us, if you
want.”
“That’s very kind of you, sir. Thank you very much.” Dean could hardly contain
his happiness but Castiel looked like he was in danger of going a bit overboard
with sucking up. Dean gripped his hand so tightly Castiel closed his mouth
before he screwed it all to hell.
“Please can we go to my room first and read some comic books?” Dean couldn’t
even remember where he put them but it was the only thing that sprung to mind.
He was desperate to get Castiel on his own again.
“Alright.” John said slowly. “But no messing around.” Dean gave his dad a huge
smile and dragged Castiel down the hall. “And leave the door open!” John
shouted, just in case. God, Bobby was a smug bastard. Always right. John
actually kind of liked that kid. Sam looked up at his father from the couch,
but he wasn’t smiling anymore. What was the point in giving them any hope when
there really was none? John knew that look. Time was running out for Dean and
Castiel, one way or another. If he didn’t do something soon those boys were
going to mate. That much was obvious from a mile away and John had no intention
of letting them get that far. Maybe accepting it was a mistake, but he really
didn’t know what to do for the best. That helplessness John saw in Sam’s eyes
made him feel horrible. The sort of guilt you might have in petting a dog just
before you put it down. Letting them spend more time together was only going to
make it harder in the end if they moved back to Lawrence.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Sacrifice *****
38. Sacrifice
Castiel had his hands all over Dean again the second they were out of snitching
distance if Sam suddenly decided he needed to pee. He was so impressed with
Castiel’s ability to convince John he was just a harmless little pup, Dean
didn’t even try to stop him and they fell on to the bed with Castiel’s fingers
wedged inside Dean’s under shorts.
“What was that?”
“What?”
“Comic books?” Castiel stared at him with that look he always used on Dean when
he called him out on his bullshit. “Really?”
“Shut up.” Dean had already settled himself on his back and was gazing up at
Castiel with round green eyes full of anticipation. He hadn’t quite recovered
from their encounter outside on the porch and now he was actually allowed to
spend time with his alpha, Dean intended to milk it for all it was worth. “So,
bite me for wantin’ to get you on your own again.” Castiel wasn’t sure his
choice of words was strictly accidental. Dean knew exactly how to play him when
he wanted something.
“Careful what you wish for.”
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten that last kiss.” Dean reached down and rubbed at
the top of his leg. “Think it’s starting to bruise, your dick was digging in to
me so hard.”
“Didn’t hear you complaining ’til you thought your dad might see it.” Castiel
laughed, placing a little healing kiss on the inside of Dean’s thigh, just in
case. “It’s your own fault, anyway. If you weren’t so delicious I might be able
to keep my hands in my pockets. I can’t stop myself from touching you.”
“Right back at ya.” Dean grinned. He pulled Castiel down on top of him until he
could almost taste the lingering spit of his own kiss still hanging on his
lips.
“Dean… your dad.” Castiel whispered, casting a token glance over his shoulder.
He didn’t think Dean had the faintest idea how distracting he was. It felt like
nothing else even existed when he was so close. It wouldn’t take much for
Castiel to be lost. “Be careful. I’ve only just managed to convince him I don’t
want to bend you over. I don’t think him catching me rubbing myself all over
you is exactly gonna go in my favour.” Dean made a little noise of disdain in
his throat. He knew his father better than anyone.
“He’s already opened a beer - we won’t see him ’til dinner.” Dean remembered
Castiel’s command performance and smiled to himself. “So that’s your honourable
intention, is it?” Dean breathed into Castiel’s mouth. He topped it off with a
seductive flutter and wiggled his hips, managing to pull another groan out of
Castiel with hardly any effort at all. “Bending me over?”
“You bet that perfect ass, it is. Maybe we shouldn’t tell your dad that,
though.”
“You think?”
Castiel was still grabbing handfuls of omega when he dipped his head and sucked
a mark into Dean’s neck, careful not to let those budding daggers pierce the
skin before Dean had given him permission. Dean was still making submissive
little keening noises while Castiel dragged his mouth down to the curve of his
shoulder.
“Dean.” Castiel’s voice vibrated against the skin where his mouth was still
dangerously close to the throbbing pulse in Dean’s throat. “You know how I feel
about it. I want to so bad, but if you don’t, it's okay. I just need to know
you’re not gonna make me wait forever.” Castiel added, daring a shy smile when
he eventually pulled away again. His heart was thumping, hoping he hadn’t
pushed his luck. Dean was starting to understand how hard it must be for
Castiel to try and resist all that beautifully sweet temptation. He didn’t
really get it from an alpha perspective, but he knew Cas, and he was
struggling. Dean suddenly looked very serious again.
“No, Cas, ‘course not… soon, I promise.” Dean lifted himself up to meet the
press of eager hips and sealed that vow with a kiss that spread all the way
down Castiel’s body. John not hearing the grunt of desire that followed was a
miracle, and it certainly didn’t help to cool the fire in Castiel's blood.
“Stop teasing, then.” Castiel tapped one hand against the soft warm skin of
Dean’s ass. Controlling his natural instincts was becoming almost impossible
when Dean flirted with him like that. He needed to get his breath back and wait
for his knot to stop tormenting him before he dared get so close again. Castiel
kissed him on the nose and forced himself to roll off Dean before he got so
excited he was displaying something that wouldn’t be quite so easy to hide. “If
you keep that up I’m gonna explode.”
“Cas, no one ever exploded from blue balls.” Dean inhaled a deep sigh and
watched his alpha with so much affection in his eyes, it made them sparkle. “I
totally mean it, though.” Dean stroked his hand across Castiel’s cheek. “Real
soon. I just need to be sure.”
“Sure of what?”
“That I can take it.”
Castiel laughed again, but this time it was much lighter.
“Thanks for the compliment, but it’s really not that impressive.”
Dean suddenly blushed, smiling up at Castiel where he was sprawled out beneath
him like a fresh blank canvas of innocence just waiting to be defiled.
“Not really what I meant.” Dean said quietly. “When we do it, I know I won't be
able to stop you from biting me. Bobby kinda said it’s for life, Cas. You know
that, right?”
“Dean.” Castiel tried again, but whatever he wanted to say was forgotten when
they heard John shouting them through to eat. Sam was staring at them across
the counter the whole time like he was just waiting for them to make out. He
really had been insanely bored all day. After dinner, Castiel thanked John a
hundred times for letting him stay and headed home feeling more hopeful than he
had since they first found out Dean was an omega. All those happy thoughts were
smashed to bits when Castiel saw his father waiting at the door for him, his
newspaper folded under one arm.
“Where the hell have you been? As if I didn’t know. Dinner’s cold.” Alex
tutted, waiting for an apology Castiel had no intention of giving. There was
little point in denying it. He made a valiant attempt to make himself look a
bit bigger by straightening up his shoulders.
“I’ve been with Dean.” Castiel started. “But you already knew that. I’m not
going to pretend I don’t want to spend every last second of my life with him.
Not anymore.”
“Meaning?” Alex demanded. He didn’t like the way Castiel said that, and the
shock his son had finally grown balls big enough to challenge him was written
all over his face.
“I want to be with him, Dad. Like – be with him.”
Castiel didn’t know why he would suddenly admit to that. Maybe so many weeks of
lying and hiding had started to taint his conscience. Castiel was proud to call
Dean his omega, and he wanted the world to know it. Alex guessed there was
something more he was holding back, and the situation in New York was still
fresh in his mind. Alex was eventually starting to put the pieces together.
There was something very different about Castiel, and all the signs were there
now he finally chose to acknowledge them. He probably was an alpha, and that
forced suspicion and despair splintering through his father like a shock wave.
He should never have left it so long to open his eyes.
“What do you expect me to do with that, Castiel?” Alex practically threw the
paper at him in frustration. “Have you any idea how serious this is?” The
latest headlines were devastating to some, an inconvenience to most. Alex
wasn’t stupid, but he had been living deep in denial. The sudden realization of
why his son might be so drawn to Dean sent him crashing from indifference into
full-scale panic. The bill was already on the way to congress. Some of the more
aggressive alphas only had to get a sniff of power and they were dangerously
out of control. Alex couldn’t understand why someone didn’t just muzzle them
all and have done. If there was any chance at all Castiel was one of them, he
had to do something drastic before it was too late. The unthinkable possibility
that boy had already set his heart on bonding with one of those common omegas
was too much. “You’ve done nothing at all since we moved here and now you think
I’m going to let you ruin yourself, and for what? A boy, Castiel? A boy?
Really?” It never crossed his mind Castiel was that way inclined, but that
wasn’t what bothered him. If Castiel thought he was going to let that stupid
Winchester kid have enough hold on his son to fuck over all the plans he had
for him, he had another thing coming.
“Not just any boy.” Castiel muttered, before he could stop it spilling from his
mouth. He almost blurted out how much he loved him, but Dean should be the
first one to hear those words. “He’s my soul mate.” Castiel knew he’d made a
mistake the second that confession passed his lips. He almost wished he could
take a picture of the look on his father’s face and have it framed for
posterity. “You don’t understand. You never have.” Castiel didn’t hold back. He
finally had the strength to tell him the truth. Castiel’s resentment came
rushing out in a bitter and broken outburst of all the things he wanted to say
after swallowing them down for years just to keep the peace. “He’s everything
to me, Dad… everything.” Castiel was pouring his heart out to a man who
couldn’t care less his child had found someone who made him truly happy.
“If you think I’m just going to let this carry on and wait for that little
hayseed to pop out a litter, you’re out of your mind.” That hurt so much,
Castiel couldn’t think of a single thing to say. “I don’t want you to spend any
more time over there, and don’t think I won’t be going to speak to his father
in the morning.” Castiel had heard more than enough and ran all the way up the
stairs, two at a time. He curled up on his bed and shed angry tears into his
pillow while the happiness that once filled up every corner of his heart came
tumbling down around him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Alex was already up and out by the time Castiel managed to crawl out of bed, so
he did what he did best and completely ignored everything he said. He ran down
to the pond, hoping he wasn’t too late to warn Dean about the disastrous
confrontation with his father the night before. Alex rarely made a threat he
didn’t keep and Castiel knew he would make a point of going to speak to John
later.
As soon as he saw that flawless golden silhouette standing by the water, most
of his sadness evaporated in the morning sun. Castiel sprinted through the dewy
grass and hugged Dean like he never wanted to let him go, still teary-eyed at
the possibility of losing the only thing that gave his life meaning. Every
second away from Dean was just another wasted. There was nothing about him that
didn’t warm his heart with adoration. The way Dean would often run a dry stalk
through his fingers while the summer sun beat down and caressed his face, or
when he sometimes dipped his toes into the water while he lay his head in
Castiel’s lap and just listen to him talk. Castiel didn’t think he could ever
get tired of it. His claim had been made the moment they set eyes on each other
and deep down he knew they would never find peace if they couldn’t be together.
The pain of loss can have a funny way of turning good people bad and keep it
buried deep until it wears away every last shred of virtue and leaves a
hollowed-out shell of the person they might have been if they'd been allowed to
love.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” Castiel lied. There was no point in shattering Dean’s dreams as
well. Let him hold on to that tiny scrap of hope until it slipped through his
fingers altogether. “Just my dad being a jerk, as usual. I wish he’d leave us
alone.” Dean knew instinctively there was much more to it, but Castiel
obviously didn’t want to talk about it yet.
“Well, the summer’s not gonna last forever, Cas. What if he decides to send you
away to school or take you back to your family?”
“I don’t care what he says, Dean. He’s full of shit.” Dean didn’t think he’d
ever seen Castiel so determined to be defiant, and that was up against some
pretty stiff competition. “I know he won’t send me back to my mom ’cause of
Gabe and school doesn’t start again ’til fall.”
“Who’s Gabe?”
“My little brother.”
“The one you hurt?”
Dean saw Castiel flinch at the memory. He just nodded and turned his face away.
“I’m sorry for that.” Castiel sighed. “I miss him.” Something dark seemed to
suddenly grab at his senses and he reached out and cupped Dean’s face in his
hands like he wanted to remember every line and curve of those beautiful eyes
and perfect smile. He knew they would haunt his dreams forever if he ever lost
him. “But I know I’d miss you more.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Many miles away from their crumbling haven, officials in the state courts were
terrified. What started out as patient tolerance had quickly escalated into
them being accused of unfair support of omegas. Equal rights didn’t seem to be
enough anymore and many people had been dragged down into a spiral of mass
hysteria, the consequences reaching so far into some remote and distant future,
no one realized how bad it might get. Male omegas were still rare and an easy
target for all that groundless hate. Plans to identify all the unmated ones and
make sure every last detail was on file were already surging forward. Progress,
some people called it. The central omega registration program was a serious
possibility, fragile lines of resistance still trying desperately to cling onto
their own value in a society that saw them as nothing more than disposable
skanks, like all they were good for was to sink a knot and bang out puppies
until they outlived their usefulness.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Alex returned by ten and made his way over to see Dean’s father before he even
thought about going home to check on Castiel, but John had already left for
work. Sam answered the door and seemed determined to be as vague as possible.
He recognized Alex, even though he’d only seen him once. His resemblance to
Castiel was uncanny. Alex walked away with a curse. The demand to know why he
had been kept in the dark for so long was picking away at his insecurity like a
virus. Remembering your childhood sweetheart was fine for a few pages in a
dusty scrapbook, but wanting to physically claim a boy like that was something
way beyond his level of acceptance. Castiel was ready and waiting for the sort
of blinkered intolerance he had come to expect from his father, but that wasn’t
going to make it any easier in the end. Alex already hinted Dean was the last
person in the world he would want Castiel to share his life with, and if John
wasn’t prepared to listen to what he had to say, then maybe he should go
straight to the source and end their childish dependency on each other once and
for all. The only way to save Castiel was to break Dean Winchester’s heart.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Overruled *****
39. Overruled
Dean and Castiel sat for a long time cuddled together in the feathery grass of
the meadow, safely hidden away for now from the threat of Alex hunting them
down. There was a cool wind blowing across the water, the sun much lower in the
sky now summer was starting to slowly fade away around them. No one knew what
the end of that summer would bring, but their hope for a happy ending was just
as strong as ever. Castiel tried every day to be the hero Dean needed him to be
and rescue him from all the heartache in a world that was changing forever
beyond the fragile borders of the little pond that had bound them together for
a lifetime. Castiel held Dean’s face in his hands with so much tenderness, it
almost took his voice away.
“You can’t miss me if I’m here.” Dean whispered, after a long silence. “Don’t
talk like that, anyways.” He dismissed it quickly. “We got all the time in the
world, and I know we’re gonna be mated soon.” Castiel slipped his arm a little
tighter around Dean’s waist and encouraged him to lean in and rest his head on
one shoulder. His soft hair smelled like heaven, and Castiel closed his eyes in
bliss when he breathed it in.
“I thought you weren’t sure you were ready.” Castiel replied quietly. Filling
Dean with a knot was the only thing he could think about, but he knew Dean was
sensitive about it so he didn’t dare try anything more than a hesitant caress.
“Pretty damn sure, Cas.” Dean rubbed his face against Castiel’s cheek and made
a little hum in the back of his throat. “Your dad won’t be very happy, though.
I really want him to like me, and I don’t think he does.”
“Who gives a shit what he thinks?” Castiel burst out in disgust. “He’s not
claiming you, I am.”
“So he did say something? I knew you were being cagey.” Dean tried hard to
smile and nudged Castiel with his shoulder. “What happened?” Castiel could
never lie to Dean and made sure he was looking straight into his eyes again
when he admitted to his confession about the boy he intended to mate.
“I don’t know why, but I told him the truth – how I feel about you.”
“Oh.” Dean mumbled in surprise. “I’m guessin’ he was thrilled.”
“Ecstatic.”
“I bet.” Dean sighed. “You don’t think… I dunno, like maybe we should be
worried he might do something to stop us seeing each other?”
Castiel just shrugged.
“Let him try, Dean. Nothing on this earth could ever keep me away from you.”
Dean had to admit he had a bit of a kink for Castiel being all grabby and
possessive, so close to giving over completely to the delicate submissive omega
he was destined to become when Castiel presented. Dean seemed to be satisfied
with the answer and tried to ignore the strange feeling of unrest that kept
bubbling away in the pit of his stomach.
“I should hope not.” Dean laughed, reassured by Castiel’s devotion to him. “You
know, we still haven’t really talked to Bobby about all that bonding stuff, and
I kinda promised Sammy we’d let him tag along next time.” Dean bit down into
his lip, not sure Castiel would want a pint-sized third wheel traipsing behind
them. “I owe him one. Well, a few actually. He’s not so bad when he keeps his
mouth shut.” Castiel didn’t object. He had a soft spot already carved out in
his heart for that little smart-ass, and anything that made Dean happy was
perfectly alright with him. There was nothing Castiel wouldn’t have done for
him. Dean might not be the most cultured boy he’d ever met, but he had a great
ass, and that goes a long way when you’re thirteen and in love. “I thought you
could let Sammy have a look at that book Bobby lent you. You know what a geek
my brother is, he might be able to make somethin’ out of it that could help
us.” Castiel knew there was a mine of information in there for anyone who had
the time to read it. He’d been so busy daydreaming about Dean, he only had
chance to look over a few of the pictures.
“’Course, but it might freak him out a bit. It’s mostly about heats, something
called rutting and that other thing I told you about.” Castiel gave him an
impish grin at the memory.
“What other thing?” Dean asked quickly, eyes flicking up when he remembered
Castiel knuckle-deep inside him when he was desperate for just one more taste.
“Oh, yeah – that.” The precious, intoxicating slick Dean released so freely
when his first heat had taken over without warning.
“You know, I don’t think I could ever get enough of that.”
“Cas.” Dean murmured. He was so used to the warmth Castiel drenched him with
when they were together, he didn’t even notice the slow spread of heat when it
started creeping up past his chest and soon dotted his cheeks with colour.
“Oh, so now you’re shy?” Castiel humoured him, letting it go before he was
tempted to see if he could get Dean to produce some more. “I can run home and
fetch it for him, if you like. I’ve been trying to avoid my dad after last
night, but he’s probably too busy to care what I’m up to.” Castiel shifted like
he was going to move. “I don’t mind.”
“Thanks, Cas.” Dean gave him a peck on the cheek in gratitude. He really should
have known better. Every little gesture of affection seemed guaranteed to set
Castiel off lately and he grabbed hold of Dean before he pulled away again and
forced his tongue into his mouth with an obsessive need to taste his omega as
much as he would let him. It overpowered all his other senses when he had Dean
in his arms, making him reckless and impulsive.
“Don’t be long.”
Dean gasped to get his breath back after the assault inside his mouth. Castiel
reached for Dean’s hand when he stood up and kept a tight grip around his
fingers while he slowly backed away, reluctant to release him at all. Dean’s
arm was stretched to the limit, their hands locked together until Castiel
finally found enough strength to let go. Dean watched him run back up the bank
and resigned himself to a few minutes of pining until he returned.
Castiel was almost fully developed now. His fierce alpha senses keen, teeth
sharp. The need to claim Dean was rising up inside him with so much power, his
father had finally seen it too. It wasn’t like he could change what Castiel
was, but he still didn’t have the freedom his growing alpha had tried so hard
to fight for back in Peoria. His dominant streak now completely focused on
taking care of Dean and making sure his mate was bonded and happy so no one
else would ever be able to touch him. The sexual desires of an unmated alpha in
the body of a teenage boy were a dangerous combination.
                                 ………. «» ……….
John had been out of it all day. He looked exhausted, the long meaningful
glances into space only broken up by the occasional sigh that seemed to come
from deep inside him. Turning up for work that morning was the biggest exercise
in futility Bobby ever had the misfortune to witness.
“Why don’t you knock off a bit early today?” He offered eventually. Bobby knew
why his friend was so distracted. If they moved back to Lawrence, John would
have no home, no job, and Dean wouldn’t have Cas. That was the real tragedy.
Bobby was trying hard not to think about it. He was gonna miss that kid. Bobby
still had no idea they already shared their blood and Castiel had marked Dean
as his true mate, but he knew a love like that would never go away. No matter
how much time and distance separated them.
Bobby could see John was panicking quietly inside, knowing how close they were
to mating. The trouble was starting to spread, only a matter of time before it
reached even the backwaters and remote little hideaways where they should have
been safe. John knew in his heart they needed to move on. Bobby’s concern
certainly hadn’t been clipped by what he saw in the paper that morning. It was
rolled up in his back pocket.
“John?” Bobby snapped his fingers in front of his face. He was still miles
away, leaning over an engine he hadn’t given a second glance for at least an
hour. “C’mon, turn it in for today. You’re no good to me like this… ‘sides, you
need to see this. Here.” Bobby reached behind him and pulled out the crumpled
newspaper.
“What’s this?”
“What’s it look like?” Bobby asked with a sigh, before throwing it on the hood.
John just stared at it like it was going to bite him. “Pick it up then, it
ain’t gonna read itself.” John cautiously lifted up the newspaper and scanned
the front page in horror.
“Jesus.” He whispered eventually, rubbing one hand across his face. “How could
anyone think this is okay? What the hell is going on?” He guessed Bobby had
already seen it for himself. John couldn’t think of a damn thing to say anyway,
but the look of defeat had settled into every line on his face. What that news
could mean for those already mated wasn’t really something he worried about.
John couldn’t think beyond wondering how many of the rest would scatter and go
into hiding to avoid being mated to an abusive alpha, choosing a life filled
with something much worse until nothing of their gentleness was left. Maybe
even end up as a nameless statistic in some government office somewhere.
Beautiful, pure omegas forced to suppress their true nature so they wouldn’t be
targeted with hate and violence.
Decision made.
“There is something else you could do.” Bobby tried carefully, struggling to
process so much information himself after only one cup of coffee and a single
quart of rye. “Let ’em mate.”
“No.” John didn’t hesitate. “I can’t, Bob. I just can’t.” The pull of his
conscience coming in a piss poor second to the moral compass of a vaguely
responsible parent.
“John, all due respect, or whatever but it ain’t gonna be easy if you leave.
Dean might hold it against you for a long time. Maybe forever.”
“That’s a chance I’m just gonna have to take. He’ll thank me one day.” Bobby
soon realized all his protests were falling way short of their mark. Thanking
his father for tearing him away from the only alpha he was ever supposed to be
with wasn’t exactly something Dean should be grateful for, no matter how much
time passed before they might see each other again. Bobby thought it was like
deliberately trying to piss off Mother Nature, and she could be one hell of a
vindictive bitch if you tried to get one over on her. “I already let them have
a few days together while they can still enjoy it, but letting Castiel knot my
boy at thirteen isn’t something I’m ever gonna be alright with. We run, he
might have a shot at a normal life. I don’t care what they’re sayin’ up north
about keeping ‘em safe, I wouldn’t trust a suit as far as I could kick him.”
John sounded even less convincing than he looked, his voice so soft and unsure
Bobby had to lean in just to hear him. He suspected it wasn’t something John
really wanted to do to Dean in his heart. “Mary’s not coming back. S’pose it’s
better that way. We can all make a fresh start, change his name, maybe.” John
finally found the strength to look up into his friend’s eyes. Bobby saw a lot
of sadness behind them. “I’m sorry it’s gonna hurt him, I am. But I gotta look
out for him now the world’s gone to shit. I need you to understand that.”
“I understand, but that don’t mean I have to like it.” Bobby managed a sad
smile and walked over to his friend to give him a supportive hug. It was
awkward as hell, and he coughed when he felt something bump in his throat.
Bobby decided it was probably best to pull away before he started growing lady
parts. “Just promise me you’ll look after them boys, John. I’ll always be here
if you need me.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel made it back to Dean within a few minutes, managing to dodge his dad
completely and avoid another lecture, or worse. He quickly helped Dean up and
they headed back to the Winchester house to fetch Sam before they went to see
Bobby. John already told Sam that morning he was going straight to the bar
after work, and they figured he would be long gone by the time they got to the
shop.
John’s plan for a night of mindless drinking went straight out the window when
he realized how serious things were. Time had finally run out. He intended to
go straight home and pack up the few possessions they had and head for Lawrence
as soon as it got dark. It was only a couple hundred miles. If he drove
overnight, even with a few potty breaks they could easily be at the Campbells
by first light. John knew a distant cousin of Mary’s who still lived there,
sympathetic to the cause for her sake. They never really talked about it. The
past was just a dark family secret locked away in the memory of all those who
once loved her.
Sam’s shining eyes were full of amazement when Castiel handed him Bobby’s book.
They grew even bigger when Dean said he could come with them if he promised not
to ask stupid questions. All three of them set off up the road into town. John
was already on his way home on a mission to get them as far away from Haven as
he could, but the boys didn’t know that.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Bobby was still clearing up the workshop when he heard a little voice calling
him from outside. Dean was the last person he expected, but Bobby couldn’t deny
how happy he was to see him. He knew all too well what John was planning and
the chance to spend some time with those kids he had come to love like his own
before they disappeared from his life was too good to pass up. He happily
abandoned the cleaning and invited them in.
“Glad to see you, boys.” Bobby greeted them warmly. “It’s a little late for
house calls, ain’t it? To what do I owe the honour?”
“Hi, Bobby.” Dean smiled back. “You know you asked me to bring Cas up here, but
we never really got chance. We kind of need to talk to you ’bout something.”
Bobby just nodded, feeling like every word that was going to come out of his
mouth would be a bitter betrayal, knowing two of those boys would probably be
gone by morning. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything and rip Castiel’s
heart out. He wanted them to enjoy what little time they had left together.
“Sure, Dean. What d’ya need to know?”
They all sat comfortably in Bobby’s front room for the best part of an hour. He
even managed to salvage some crumbling cookies and half a bottle of flat soda
for them, sort of like a poor man’s last supper. The irony certainly wasn’t
lost on him. They asked him a lot of questions about bonding and what it would
mean for them if they were mated properly, but Bobby wasn’t as responsive as
usual. He seemed distracted and deliberately vague. Sam had to prompt him a
couple of times to finish a sentence. Eventually they managed to get something
out of him just before they got up to leave.
“I can see you got a strong bond there, boys.” Bobby told them, while he guided
them back through the house. “But you’ll never be fully mated without a
claiming bite - even if you, you know…” Bobby hesitated and cleared his throat
like he always did when he couldn’t actually say the word in front of minors.
“… do it.” Bobby thought the likelihood of that happening in the next couple of
hours was a million to one shot, so he kept the rest of what he knew to
himself. Sam would figure it out soon enough when he read through that book.
Severing a bond so suddenly would damage those boys in ways he didn’t want to
think about, but it wasn’t his call to make and he forced himself to keep his
mouth shut. Alphas and omegas fully bonded but not physically mated were the
perfect ingredients for years of pain. Maybe one day he could help to make it
right. Sam was still clutching the book under one arm when they reached the
workshop. Bobby’s eyes had been fixed on it for a while.
“I hope you don’t mind me borrowing this. I swear I’ll give it straight back
soon as I’ve finished with it, if that’s okay.” Sam added politely.
“Tell you what, kid.” Bobby said kindly. “Why don’t you hang on to it?” Sam
almost dropped the book in surprise.
“Really? I can keep it?” He didn’t have much else to do at home, and his little
mind was like a sponge for information. He had taken an unusual interest in
everything that was happening up the coast, and something told him he was going
to need all the help he could get to keep Dean out of trouble.
“I’m a sucker for a cute face, what can I tell ya?” Bobby was trying hard to
hide his pain, not knowing how big those boys would be before he saw them
again. “Now go on, get outta here.” Sam ran back to Bobby and threw his arms
around him, burying the mess of his hair in Bobby’s chest while he hugged him.
“Thanks… for everything.” Sam turned and hurried to catch up with Dean and
Castiel, but Bobby suddenly shouted him back, one last time. “Sammy?” Bobby had
been stunned into silence by the heartfelt cuddle, and only just managed to
find the words he needed by the time Sam reached the door. He turned and
waited. Sam looked so young and innocent just standing there, and Bobby had to
force his voice to stay steady. “You look after your brother for me, you hear?
He might need you real bad one day.”
“Sure, Bobby.” Sam had no idea how important that advice would be and tried to
seal his promise with a smile when he took one last look behind him. “I’ll see
you around.” Both of them seemed to sense that would be a long time coming.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Innocence Lost *****
40. Innocence Lost
The first thing they did after rounding the corner of Eighth Street was to
tactfully ditch Sam so they could spend the rest of the evening alone by the
pond, knowing they would be safe there until it started to get dark. Dean
didn’t think he’d ever seen Castiel so happy, wondering why he waited so long
to be claimed when his alpha was staring up at him like he was the most
valuable thing in his whole little world.
“Cas, I wanna tell you something.” Dean didn’t think he could ever get bored of
looking at him.
“Okay.” Castiel pulled Dean into his lap.
“I kinda made a decision.”
“You did?” Castiel said quietly. He could feel the tremble of Dean’s heart
where he was leaning in, his back pressed up against Castiel’s chest.
“Yeah. Just after what Bobby said and everything, made me think about you…
about us.” Dean glanced sideways and worried his lip, not sure he would get the
response he expected. “I want us to do it, Cas. I want you to bite me.” Castiel
almost choked on the spit that had settled in his mouth in anticipation. It
took him a few seconds to accept Dean had chosen to give himself up completely
as soon as they got the chance.
“Dean, you sure? You said it yourself, it’s for life. Do you really want that?”
Castiel whispered, daring to hope all his jerk-off fantasies were about to
become a reality. Dean just nodded and inhaled so much air Castiel felt his
chest swell up where his arms were wrapped around him.
“I do, Cas. I want us to do it ’fore anything bad happens, so no one can keep
us apart.” He hesitated. “Don’t you?” Castiel just laughed, like Dean even had
to ask.
“Well, when you say it like that.” He was still smiling, but Dean needed a
better answer. That was something massively important to him and now Castiel
didn’t seem to be taking it very seriously. “Fuck, yes… ’course I do.” Castiel
replied, when he realized Dean might be pissed at him for making light of it.
“Damn thing’s got a mind of its own every time I get close to you. I want that
more than anything but only if you do, too.”
“Yeah. I know for sure now. I’ll never love anyone else, Cas… not ever.” Dean
reached down between his legs and found the soft bump in Castiel’s shorts he
was searching for. He started to rub at it gently with one hand, just to make
sure his alpha knew exactly what he meant. It was the signal Castiel had been
waiting for and he twisted Dean round so they were facing each other, pulling
him against the thrust of his hips to grind him down so hard he could feel it
start to grow beneath him. Castiel got a bit more frisky than Dean was
expecting. “I don’t mean right now.” Dean smiled. “I want it to be kinda
special, you know. If you’re gonna be my only one.”
“I’ve wanted to say something to you for a long time.” Castiel whispered into
Dean’s mouth. “I love you, Dean. I think I’ve loved you from the very first
day.”
Dean slipped down between Castiel’s thighs and let him slide one leg either
side of his hips. Dean let his own legs fall apart until his knees were almost
touching the grass, his bare feet splayed out in front of him. Castiel shuffled
forward on his butt to give Dean a hug. He rested his head on Dean’s shoulder
and closed his eyes so he could inhale that sweet omega scent he loved so much.
Dean had never been more sure he wanted to let Cas pop his cherry and take a
bite out of him that would bond them as true mates for the rest of their lives.
That should have made Dean happy but there was something inside him that felt
more like a warning. All he could sense was it all being taken away from them
somehow. It might just have been a subtle change in the weather, knowing the
end of summer wasn’t so far away. He stared out blankly across Castiel’s
shoulder at the calm waters of dragonfly pond. Dean decided right then,
whatever happened he would make it back there one day. The special place he
lost his heart forever to a boy he never expected to come into his life and
teach him how to love. It would never be goodbye. Dean knew deep down he would
be looking out across that water again some day. It would always be the haven
he could go to in his dreams and chase away the nightmares that would come.
They stayed like that for a long time, Castiel cuddling him like he would never
let go. The silver dragonfly sparkled in the sunlight where it was hanging down
over Castiel’s back.
“If anything happened - ” Dean was suddenly very quiet. He didn’t even blink
while he watched the rushes sway in front of his eyes. “I just got a bad
feeling, Cas.” Dean murmured into Castiel’s hair. “I can’t explain it, but I
want you to know, if it did… I’ll come back for you.” Castiel stilled in Dean’s
arms. It seemed a strange thing to say after he just agreed to let Castiel
claim him. “I promise. I’ll come back for you. I won’t let you forget me.”
“Stop it, Dean.” Castiel pulled away with a start and searched Dean’s face. He
looked impossibly sad, and was making it very difficult to try and concentrate
on whispering sweet nothings when all Castiel could think about was the warmth
of Dean’s body tightening around his knot when he finally got to feel what it
was like to be inside him. “Stop talking like that – you’re scaring me.” Dean
slid his hand up Castiel’s back and stroked his fingers across the base of his
neck, whatever feeling had held a tight grip around his heart was suddenly gone
like it had never been there.
“Sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I just felt really weird for a second.
Sorry, Cas.”
“It’s okay. We got the rest of our lives together after tomorrow. I just want
you to be happy so stop saying stupid stuff you know isn’t gonna happen.”
Dean eventually got up to leave when the sun started to go down, arranging to
meet his alpha at the pond in the morning and make good on his promise to let
Castiel claim him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Cas.” Dean gave him one last kiss before they reached
the top of the bank.
“Yeah, maybe. If I’m not too busy.” Castiel replied, with a warm smile and the
same lip service he always did that let them both pretend they would ever want
to be anywhere else than with each other. It had always been something to say
when they parted for another day, but now it seemed so important. Castiel
couldn’t explain why. “See ya, pookie.”
“Night, Hawkeye.” Dean gave his hand a little squeeze before finally letting
him go. For some reason Dean felt like crying when they pulled apart, both of
them secretly scared of what was waiting for them when they got home. He was
almost past the end of Castiel’s driveway when Alex cornered him as he tried to
cross the street.
“Well, well.” Alex was suddenly standing right in front of him, uncomfortably
close, if Dean was brutally honest. Castiel had already gone inside and Dean
was searching for him over the man’s shoulder, but he was nowhere to be seen.
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. Dean, isn’t it?” It was a stupid thing to
say. He knew perfectly well who he was. There was a coldness to his voice that
made Dean shiver, and those demanding eyes were dark and lifeless. Alex was
watching that boy like a coiled snake, ready to strike.
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Just the boy I wanted to see.” Dean tried to slide past him and make his
excuses, but Alex was determined to have his five minutes. Dean couldn't be
sure what Castiel already told him but he wasn’t taken in for a second by that
sickly smile. “I’m glad I caught you. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about
Castiel.” Dean just frowned and waited. If he kept his mouth shut and listened,
the whole painful experience would be over a lot quicker. Alex didn’t make him
wait very long. “Yes. Well, I can see you’re in a hurry, Dean so I’ll make it
short and to the point. There’s no easy way to say this to you, but I can’t let
a nice boy like you live a lie.”
“Sorry?”
“My son doesn’t want to see you anymore. His little infatuation with you has
apparently run its course.” Alex was going for sympathetic, but Dean could see
he was trying to hide a twisted smile.
“I don’t believe you. Cas told me something today.” Dean didn’t actually say
the word, but that wasn’t really the point. “Somethin' I been waiting a long
time to hear. Why would he say that to me if he didn’t mean it?” It had only
taken one hint for Dean to start to doubt himself, question his own value as a
young omega in a cruel world. He didn’t imagine then how deeply ingrained that
lack of self-worth would become. It wouldn’t leave him for a very long time.
“Because I raised him well and he doesn’t want to hurt you, Dean.” Alex replied
patiently. “We spoke about you at some length last night, and he begged me to
do this for him. Maybe he just couldn’t bring himself to see the look on your
face when he had to tell you he doesn’t really care about you enough to let you
ruin his life. I’m sorry, but Castiel has plans, Dean. There are so many things
he wants to do. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hold him back.”
“No, sir.” Dean whispered into his chest, his gaze boring into the ground where
he was kicking at the dusty earth to stop his eyes from stinging. Everything
looked blurry. Maybe Alex was right. He was a grown-up and grown-ups don’t lie.
Dean suddenly felt very stupid. He would only be in the way, dependent on an
alpha who would feel like he had to put his dreams aside to look after him. Cas
deserved better. Dean must have made a mistake. Seen too much in that beautiful
smile and spent the whole summer kidding himself that velvet caress his alpha
always swept across his skin was anything more than fond affection, a novel
idea while Castiel explored his sexuality and now it was over. How could he
have been so taken in? Dean had let himself fall in love with someone who could
never feel the same way about him.
“I know he would probably deny it, but he’s ashamed of you, Dean. I think it’s
best if you have nothing more to do with him.” Alex added, his head tilted to
one side. “You must know why he wouldn’t really want someone like you.” Dean
struggled to take a breath. He suddenly felt so small and insignificant with
Alex looming over him like a cold shadow, destroying his little world without a
second thought. Alex took his silence as answer enough. “Good. Let’s leave it
at that, then.” He forced another smile, but Dean wasn’t even looking at him
anymore. He turned to walk away, leaving that poor boy standing in the middle
of the street before stopping to give him one last warning. “Oh, and don’t call
for him again, Dean. You don’t want to upset him.” Dean heard Alex walk away
but it was like a distant sound in his head. He blinked and ran back across the
road. The temptation to turn and look up at that little attic window was so
powerful, he had to cover his eyes. Dean cried all the way home.
                                 ………. «» ……….
The storm hit that night and John ran. He bundled the boys into the Impala as
soon as it got dark. He knew something was really wrong with Dean, sorry he had
to take that choice away from him. He couldn’t risk them mating so young and
the latest headline had just given him another reason to escape. Once that
fateful decision would have ripped Dean to pieces, but all that was left inside
that boy was the pain of believing Castiel didn’t want him anymore. Dean never
said a single word when their father told them both to pack. He shoved a
handful of clothes into a backpack, his face streaked with miserable tears,
chest still stuttering from all the painful sobs that had taken his voice away.
His heart was broken. Every dream so carefully crafted by his growing love for
Castiel shattered in a single moment of his life by a wicked lie. When the car
finally backed down the driveway, Dean didn’t even pretend to care. So numb, he
didn’t feel anything when he was forced away from that place. The humiliation
of offering himself up completely to someone who didn’t really care about him
at all still ached inside him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel suddenly woke up to the blinding glare of the midday sun streaming in
through the window. He turned over and reached for his clock, squinting at too
many numbers. It must have been wrong. There was no way Dean would be that late
to call for him. He jumped out of bed and threw on the shorts and t-shirt he
had on the night before just to save a few precious minutes. Castiel cursed
himself in his head for sleeping in so late. He had no idea why Dean wouldn’t
have just come up to the house, but maybe he was trying to avoid Alex as well
after everything he said about him. Castiel felt so guilty Dean might have been
just sitting down at the pond for him since dawn. He was going to have some
serious ass-kissing to do for making him wait so long. As soon as he opened the
front door, threatened alpha senses started to kick in and Castiel couldn’t
shake the sick feeling something was horribly wrong. He was already craving the
warmth of Dean’s hand in his own and the heady scent that always made him feel
a kind of comfort and home he could never quite define. Dean was the only one
who had ever been able to make him feel like that and he wanted more of it.
Dean was his addiction.
Castiel pelted down to the meadow so fast, it jarred his whole body every time
his feet hit the ground in his haste to reach the water. There was a tight knot
of worry burning away inside him since he woke up. It soon grew into the first
flutter of fear that Dean wouldn’t be waiting under the tree for him by the
time he got to the bottom of the slope. That fear exploded into blind panic
when he turned the curve of the path to find dragonfly pond completely
deserted. The silence pounded in his head. It made him feel sick and dizzy, his
legs threatening to give way underneath him if he didn’t reach out and hold on
to something.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel waited for Dean all day. The loss slowly destroying everything so
completely it gave him physical pain. Castiel finally resigned himself to
hopelessness when dusk fell. He reluctantly walked home in the dark, tears of
devastation flowing down both cheeks and leaving trails on his skin where they
cut through the dirt on his face. There was no desire to sleep, to eat. He had
to know what happened - something was very wrong. Dean would never have left
him like that without saying goodbye. When he reached the top of the bank,
something pulled him back up the street, and he marched over the road instead
of going straight home. The Winchester house was dark and silent. Castiel could
feel the tears threatening to come again when he ran up the back steps, the
memory of tasting Dean’s kiss there still vivid in his mind. He paused at the
top when he saw the back door was now just swinging free, creaking on rusty
hinges in the wind. Castiel pushed it open and called out to Dean, his whole
body shaking with fear when he realized everything inside was dim and quiet.
Empty take-out boxes were still sitting on the counter, and he knew right then
all his frantic pleas for Dean to answer him were hopeless. Castiel swallowed
another dry sob and moved through the house and down the hall. Dean’s bedroom
door was closed, and just for a single blissful second all that desolation was
replaced by a tiny chink of hope.
“Dean?” Castiel whispered, one trembling hand resting on the handle. He almost
didn’t dare to look. His heart was beating hard when he carefully eased the
door open. The black depths of despair rushed back in with a vengeance and
almost suffocated him. The room was cold and empty, a messy pile of dirty
laundry dumped on the end of the bed like Dean had been forced to change in a
hurry. Everything felt so wrong. There were no explanations, no hint of what
might have happened that would make Dean abandon him without a word. Castiel
finally gave in to his grief and collapsed on Dean’s bed, the lingering scent
of honey pulled in with every breath. Castiel curled up with exhaustion,
wrapping himself in a discarded t-shirt just to be close to him again. He
buried his face in the pillow and howled until his voice failed him, clinging
onto the smell of his beautiful omega. The only part of Dean he had left. That
pain would soon be replaced by bitterness and denial to stop him from going
under. There was a deep cut there that would never be healed until he could
hold the boy he loved in his arms once more.
One day fate would push Dean and Castiel together again - just one more time.
                                 ………. «» ……….
                                        
                                  [Last Hug]
                                        
                                END OF PART ONE
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Brave New World *****
                                        
                            [DP. Banner Part Two] 
                                        
                                        
                                   PART TWO
                                        
Almost twenty-four years have passed since the boys were ripped apart that
summer. Just before Castiel had the chance to claim Dean with a mating bite.
Most omegas have since been forced into the registration program and tagged
like animals, their badges of dishonour hanging around their necks to make it
easy to identify them. The message is clear. They should always be made to feel
ashamed of what they are.
Enforcement patrols were just another part of life. Central Intelligence had
set them up years before to monitor registration. The fragile sense of freedom
left to struggle with the changing order and speak out against injustice has
driven the social divide to breaking point. The government is pushing for male
omegas to stayed unmated, trying to eradicate their special gene and give the
alphas complete control.
It’s a brave new world.
                                 ………. «» ……….
                                        
41. Brave New World
Dean and Castiel had grown up as lonely boys on different sides of a fight they
never wanted. Alphas had all the power. Mated omegas mostly resigned themselves
to submission, encouraged to be claimed and sterilized to put an end to their
legacy once and for all. The fate of unmated omegas was far from certain. The
male ones had to embrace a class all of their own. Dean managed to stay off the
radar for a while. Sam had watched his back, and Lawrence was a long way from
New York, but then the patrols were ordered to do examination checks on
everyone of breeding age. A few slipped through the net until the authorities
finally figured out you can’t hide what’s in your blood. Dean did his best to
make a stand, forced to try and ignore the damage caused by a broken heart and
twenty-four years of bad dreams.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Carter had been in the patrol for almost two years. He was waiting patiently
outside the conference room for his senior officer to show up, passing the time
in idle gossip with a new recruit.
“What’s with all the badges?” The lad asked, looking over his shoulder at the
lobby full of enforcement officers. He had only just turned eighteen and
enlisted straight away. The hope of joining the CORP was every young boy’s
dream. If they were alpha or normal. A word both sides hated.
“Some crappy omega thing.” Carter sniffed. “Dean Smith’s in town. He always
gets a good turn out when he does a pep-rally. Stirs ‘em up good and proper.”
“So, a few of them still manage to dodge the system?”
“Not for much longer.” Carter gave the recruit a knowing smile. “They’ve
assigned Novak to sort him out. He’s the best officer we got.” Castiel had
built a fierce reputation over the years. Nothing ever filled the void in his
soul left by losing Dean, but he hid the pain well. Most of the others put his
dedication down to being smart enough never to burden himself with emotional
commitments. They all knew he was married to the job. “He hunts them down with
a determination I’ve never seen before. Someone must have pissed on his boots
when he was a rookie.”
“Novak? I heard that fucker is ruthless. What they brought him down here for?
Why don’t they just take Smith in?” The boy frowned. “He must be on the
system.”
“Not really.” Carter shook his head. Dean Smith was well known to the
authorities. “Fucking princess has managed to stay above the law for years.
He’s on the register, got his tags and everything but he has a lot more freedom
than most. He was real difficult to keep track of. They don’t have any stats on
him, no history. It’s like he just popped into existence out of thin air.”
Sam always managed to bluff his way through most of the department checks,
making out he found Dean living rough on the streets and took him in. The
latest government didn’t really want omegas to breed at all, a last ditch
attempt to stop them producing any more babies and give them a shot at clawing
back a civilized society. Put an end to the fighting and settle into a new
world order. Most people believed omegas didn’t deserve the same rights as
everyone else and had been targeted ever since the law changed. Everything Dean
suffered, all the pain of being taken away from Castiel soon turned to anger
and catapulted him into activism. The boys never really forgot, but the loss
got twisted somehow into something dark inside them both as the years passed
by. That desperate need to be with each other pushed down deep and replaced
with hate and mistrust. Castiel had always refused to take a mate. He didn’t
even look, telling anyone who asked it was only because he was loyal to the
CORP. The truth was so much harder to admit. It had taken him a long time to
try and forget the intoxicating scent that filled his senses for months after
they parted. Castiel had marked Dean for claiming when he first presented as an
alpha. Nothing could ever change that. Something had pulled Castiel to that
hotel in New York. Something he couldn’t explain. Castiel never expected their
paths to cross again but the inexplicable draw of his true mate had called him
back to Dean. Destiny decided to give him one last chance at happiness - right
when he least expected it.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean had already emptied the mini-bar and was now sprawled out on top of one of
the beds, going over the speech notes with Sam.
“Dean, I’m not sure you should start with split-tails as an opener. You
shouldn’t call yourself that.”
“That’s what everyone else calls us. Go with the majority, right?”
“No. It’s not right. It’s too offensive, Dean. You might rile people up before
you’ve even started.”
“Exactly.” Dean gave Sam a wicked grin. He knew how to work an audience.
“Don’t suppose you ever considered just saying good morning?” Sam glanced over
at him before crossing a line through the word in red ink. Dean didn’t notice.
Normals had come up with a few choice names for them over the years. It was a
spiteful dig at the way male omegas were made down there. A derogatory slur to
give them one more reason to feel like there was something wrong with them.
They had all the dangly bits, but most of them could swallow an alpha knot
better than a girl. Dean never tested that theory out for himself. Nothing
would ever have matched up to his dreams of being mated by Castiel, and Dean
had accepted that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. “It doesn’t make you
any different from the rest of us.”
“See.” Dean sighed, covering his eyes with one arm. That last little bottle of
vodka was a mistake. “That right there. Says it all.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You never do.”
Sam was used to smoothing over Dean’s many insecurities, but they were already
behind schedule and he was getting irritated.
“Dude, could you be more bitter?”
“You are kidding, right?” Dean eventually pushed himself up off the bed and
walked over to the window to get some air. He stared down at the crowd already
assembling on the street outside. “All the shit I’ve had thrown at me over the
years. If anyone’s allowed to be bitter, pal, it’s me.” Sam understood how much
Dean had to deal with in the last decade or so. Registration laws and trying to
put a stop to them breeding had been hard enough to take, but none of that even
came close to the pain Sam knew his brother still carried inside from leaving
Haven all those years ago. He never really knew what happened on that last day
or why Dean changed so much after Castiel became a fading memory. Sam asked him
about it once, soon after they settled in Lawrence, but Dean bit his head off
and refused to speak to him for two days. “And you know I didn’t like having to
change my name. It’s stupid.”
“Again with that? Really?” Sam was finding it increasingly difficult to read
through his papers with Dean constantly interrupting. It was the same crap they
always fought over. “You know perfectly well why I said we had to do that. We
can’t risk anyone finding out I’m your brother, Dean. They wouldn’t let me work
with you. You’re damn lucky you got that level of clearance, anyway. You only
dodged that due to a legal technicality.” Sam replied. “And ’cause I’m
brilliant at digging you out of holes you seem determined to keep throwing
yourself into, of course.” He added, with a smug smile. “I’m doing my best, but
I’m not exactly running for president. I can only do so much.”
“Well, thank you, Sam, for once again reminding me how grateful I should be to
you for keeping my sorry ass out of the program.” Dean smiled back, but it was
so forced it made his cheeks hurt.
“Not out of the program.” Sam admitted sadly. “Still trying to keep you off the
sterilization list, but you gotta start meeting me half-way, Dean. Some days
you’re impossible.” Sam had always wanted to help his brother and omegas like
him. He was desperate to give them back some self-worth and make them proud of
being different. It never seemed to work on Dean. That was a cut too deep even
for Sam to be able to patch up.
“It’s bad enough we have to go through those damn examinations every six
months, but now they want to take our blood as well? It’s bullshit.” Dean
wasn’t really bothered about the humiliation. He’d been dead inside since the
day he left Haven behind in the rear view mirror.
“Someone’s in a good mood.” Sam licked cautiously at his bottom lip, his face
soon softening when he realized why Dean was so snappy. He knew the signs of a
rough night when he saw one. “Did you have another nightmare?” He asked
quietly. Sam had many omega sympathies. He couldn’t really remember his mother
after so many years but Dean was still there by his side, and Sam knew he had
to do what he could to try and keep him safe and hold back the fear. Dean shook
it off. Sam gave up asking his brother a long time ago what really kept him
awake at night. He often heard Dean murmur Castiel’s name in his sleep. Sam
never said anything outright, but they had stayed in too many dodgy hotel rooms
together to pretend he hadn’t seen the pain. Dean restless and shivering,
grabbing at the air and jerking awake, crying out through the night terrors
that haunted him in those dark dreams without the boy he still loved with every
last piece of his heart. Sam knew the silence meant he wasn’t going to get a
straight answer. “Playing that game again, are we?” Dean didn’t even look at
him.
“Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Sammy.”
“Of course you don’t… and stop calling me Sammy. I’m not twelve. Well, when
you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here. Singing the same damn song I’ve been
singing for years, Dean. Keeping it all in this long isn’t helping, and don’t
think for one minute I don’t know whose face it is that torments you every
night.” Sam imagined Dean’s sleep was filled with blue eyes full of shame and a
broken promise of forever. Sam didn’t push it. Dean tried hard to hide those
whimpers in the dark, waking up every hour with his hair sticking to his
forehead with sweat. Sam just wished his brother would stop hurting.
“Can’t hear you, man. Sorry.”
Sam heaved in a massive sigh and started to fill his briefcase with paperwork.
He knew he was going to have to get his shit well and truly together for his
meeting with enforcement later.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel walked into the hotel and dumped his bag at reception. Carter was
already waiting for him.
“Morning. You’re early.”
“I always am. What’s the brief?” Castiel didn’t mess about. He ignored Carter’s
attempt at trying to make conversation, eager to get on the case.
“Oh, you’ll love this one.” The other officer laughed. “I never thought they’d
get you to agree to take it, to be honest. Why did you change your mind?”
Castiel gave it some thought. He didn’t really have an answer. Something just
seemed to pull him to that hotel in New York.
“No reason.” He lied. “It’s nothing special. They needed someone up here after
the riots over the blood law.” Castiel’s gaze was slowly drawn back to the main
doors like he was expecting someone to walk right through them. He suddenly
blinked and turned back to Carter. “You?”
“Same. CORP drafted in a few extras for the weekend. Looks like they’re
expecting it to go bad.”
“God’s sake. What are they bitching about this time?” Castiel sighed, pushing
his badge holder into his back pocket to keep it safe.
“Don’t know. Don’t care. All I got is they want you to take down this Smith
character. He’s a troublemaker. Always front and centre at those stupid
conventions, and we can’t touch him.”
“Why not? He’s just an omega, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, but he’s got this smart-ass sidekick who seems to know the law like the
back of his hand. Even managed to keep him out of the sterilization program,
for now.” Carter hinted. “Adviser like that must cost a fortune. Fuck knows how
he can pay him. Maybe he gets paid for his services in other ways, if you know
what I mean.” Castiel gave the officer a distasteful glance. “Well, he is an
omega, after all. Sorta goes with the territory.”
“I’m sure they’re not all like that, Carter.” Castiel replied, without thinking
too hard about what came out of his mouth.
“Yeah, right.” Carter mocked. “Name one omega you even know.” Castiel
hesitated, just for a second. His eyes briefly flicked up to the other man. The
moment was suddenly gone when he held out his hand for the folder.
“Is any of this even relevant?” Castiel took a step back. He almost let himself
slip. “I don’t need his life history. Just give me the file and let me do my
damn job, already.” Castiel snatched the paperwork from Carter’s hand. He
scanned the cover. The number 281269 was stamped across the front. He aimlessly
flicked through it out of habit.
“Shit, Novak. Something crawled up your ass this morning.” Carter had worked
with Castiel for a while. He instinctively knew when something was bothering
him. “Don’t go getting all sensitive on me. We both know you don’t spend years
training for enforcement unless you got a shitload of daddy issues or someone
messed you up real bad.” Castiel ignored him. “Maybe both.”
“Are you done?”
“Looks like.” Carter shook his head. “Don’t you ever stop thinking about the
case? Wanna grab a beer later and do a little cruising for some tail? It’s a
big city.”
“You know better than that.” Castiel replied, his face completely devoid of
expression. “It’s all work for me.”
“Never been much of a ladies man, have you, Novak?”
“No.”
Carter was watching Castiel closely. He was already reading diligently through
his new assignment.
“You know what they say about you down town.”
“Yes.”
Castiel didn’t look up.
“Well?”
Castiel refused to give him the satisfaction.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Any omega unlucky enough to be on the register had to report every six months
to update their details and endure a degrading physical examination to make
sure they were still clean. In the alpha sense that meant not being stupid
enough to get themselves knocked up. The patrols made sure the omegas were
complying. Taking a mate was acceptable if they stuck to the conditions. Most
of them did. The consequences of ignoring the government kept them obedient.
The chilling reality of full-scale segregation had crept in before anyone
really noticed, and then it was too late to do anything about it. The
registration laws had already been passed years before by the Senate. Nowhere
was safe. There were so few omegas left, and the number of male ones like Dean
was so low, they were in danger of slipping into extinction. Dean had been so
scared of losing Castiel, he never got over it. Now he was scared for a
different reason but no one would ever know. Hiding all that nasty pain behind
emotionless detachment and a butt load of sass. Something had dragged him to
that particular rally in New York. Dean was never short of a soap-box to spout
his pitch but this latest gig was a last minute change of plan. Dean had no
idea why he felt that place was calling out to him. It was like he was being
tugged by the mysterious hand of fate. Castiel felt it too. A secret but
inexplicable need to go there as if the rest of his life depended on it. Maybe
it did.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean and Sam eventually made it downstairs. One of the rookies in charge of
crowd control spotted the plated chain hanging down the front of Dean’s shirt
and tried to encourage him into the omega section. People were waiting for the
convention to start. They had been forced to queue in separate rows, like the
alphas were frightened they might catch something.
“Over there, omega. Fall in line.” The officer tried to steer Dean towards the
end of the queue. The man made the mistake of touching him on the shoulder.
“Hey!” Dean turned on his heel in a heartbeat. “Hands off, mutt. I’m going
already.”
“You know the rules. Keep to one side.”
“Yeah, I know the rules, but you don’t have to be such an asshole, asshole.”
“Dean.” Sam hissed, quickly pulling him away by the elbow. He bent down to
whisper a gentle warning in his ear. “Stop it. I know you had another bad
night, but you’re gonna make my job ten times harder if you don’t behave
yourself.”
“Sam, I’m not gonna let those dicks push me around.”
“And that, Dean, is exactly why you’ve still got those damn dog tags round your
neck.” Sam flicked one of the silver squares with his finger. The omega IDs
only held a few personal details, hidden behind a cruel mockery of the way
their type were made. Some of the more insensitive officers called them bitch-
tags, but never in public. Dean jerked his arm free in annoyance.
“Well, it’s fucking stupid putting us all in here together.” Dean muttered. He
hated having to breathe the same air as an alpha enforcement officer at the
best of times, and certainly wasn’t quiet about sharing it. “It’s just asking
for trouble.”
“I don’t think we need to worry about looking for trouble, Dean. It usually
finds you.” Sam glanced down at his brother and adjusted his tie. Dean had
picked a hell of a day to be so sulky.
“I appreciate the concern, Poindexter. But go screw yourself.”
Sam had spent over a week writing up the case notes and was so hacked off he
couldn’t resist the chance to have a cheap dig. It didn’t actually make him
feel any better.
“Aren’t you supposed to be submissive or something?”
“Not to you.”
Sam let that one slide. He had always been terrified of how their lives would
turn out when they first found out Dean was an omega. Protecting his brother
had become a sort of personal crusade. Now it just came so naturally he hardly
gave it a second thought. Sam had made a promise to Bobby all those years ago,
and he intended to keep it. A lot of work, study and a hefty slice of blind
luck had managed to secure him a job in political research after college. The
new laws were just coming in and Sam knew he made the right call. Dean had
always needed his brother to watch out for him, but nothing could have prepared
him for the aftermath of that harmless little trip to New York.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Drowning Lessons *****
42. Drowning Lessons
Sam was anxious to get to his appointment, but not entirely sure he could trust
Dean to be able to control himself long enough to make it into the main hall
before he popped somebody. He really didn’t want to leave him on his own with
so many alphas prowling around. Sam was good, but even he couldn’t be in two
places at once. He knew he was going to have to risk it. They hadn’t even
planned to come to that convention at all, but CORP were rapidly losing
patience with Dean Smith and called Sam in for a meeting to explain why his
client was so precious he should be allowed to stay out of the advanced
program. Sam knew that was just a polite way of saying sterilization. Male
omegas were only fertile when they were in heat and Sam didn’t see why it would
matter all that much. Dean hadn’t had a proper one for years.
New York was central to the alpha uprising many years before and now most
normals just accepted all the weird shit, like everything else. Some omegas
struggled so hard to stand up for themselves. Dean did what he could, bringing
his own little stick to the gunfight for as long as Sam could remember.
Something in Dean got broken when they left Haven. Sam didn’t think it was a
coincidence Dean changed for the worse when he had to leave Castiel behind,
poison slowly making its way inside the cracks in his heart until all the
innocence and hope he had as a boy gradually wore away to nothing.
When he hit sixteen, Dean started following the cause and had tried ever since
to make sure omegas never stopped fighting for freedom. The extremist group
that first demanded more rights had taken their power trip to a whole new
level. Alphas had contacts everywhere from law enforcement to local government.
They seemed to think that gave them some sort of God given right to treat the
rest of the world like crap, now demanding all omegas got registered to stop
them breeding. The blood ruling was still painfully raw and many omegas were
already on edge, scared of what was coming next.
The long and lonely years apart damaged the boys so completely they had both
become men they were never meant to be. Being forced away from their true mate
tortured Dean and Castiel with a special kind of private agony only the two of
them could ever understand. They were weak with grief for a long time. Then
they grew up and it all got redirected. It made them cold and hard inside.
Castiel spiralled downhill after Dean left him. His notoriety for being
merciless in chasing down omegas for the program springing from all the hurt he
nursed for over two decades. Castiel never got an answer for why Dean abandoned
him, believing in his heart the boy he once loved with everything had changed
his mind about being claimed and dropped him like a bad habit.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam’s meeting with the department was a total disaster, but at least it was
over quickly and Dean was still setting up. The look on Sam’s face told him all
he needed to know.
“I’m guessin’ that went well.” Dean straightened up and waited for Sam to tell
him the bad news.
“Nope. I hate to say I told you so, Dean.”
“But you will, anyway. What now?”
“They want you to go for an interview.” Dean huffed to himself, like that was
ever going to happen while he still had a single breath left in his body. Sam
stopped him before he opened his mouth. “It wasn’t a request.”
“Fucks sake.” Dean gave Sam a grunt of disapproval. “I’m supposed to be up in a
few minutes. Can’t they wait ‘til I’m done?”
“Special enforcement don’t wait, Dean. ‘Specially not for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Sam sighed. He didn’t really want to piss on Dean’s parade when he was already
having a bad day, but there was no point in lying.
“It’s not just that.” Dean’s eyes were on him again in an instant. “The meeting
was a bit one-sided, to say the least. I think it was just an excuse to get us
here.” Sam rested a calming hand on Dean’s arm. “They want to put an
enforcement officer on you.”
“Put him on me?” Dean sneered. “Why the hell would they do that?”
“To keep an eye on you, I suppose. They’ve had enough of your damn rabble-
rousing. I told you it would all end in tears.”
“Well good for you.” Dean bitched at him. Sam always being right had worn
rather thin over the years. “Whatever happened to freedom of speech?” Sometimes
Sam wondered if his brother actually lived in the same universe as everyone
else. Dean always made a point of going out of his way to make it obvious how
much he resented the social divide. Sam didn’t think it needed an answer, so he
didn’t offer one. “Shit. Who is it?”
“They didn’t say. A senior, I think.” Sam hurriedly scanned the paperwork.
“Hang on, it’s here somewhere. Officer… er... oh.” Sam said in surprise. “No
name. Just a number. 21.”
“That sounds serious.”
“It is, Dean.” Sam gasped in exasperation. “That’s what I’ve been trying to
tell you all morning.” He hesitated for a second. “You know, they might go
easier on you if you chose a dominant alpha to settle down with. I get the
government want male omegas to stay unmated but it’s always an option. If you
keep your head down, they’ll probably leave you be.” There were strict
conditions for claiming and it didn’t mean the examinations would stop, but Sam
knew it could have been a lot worse. The suggestion was so contemptible, Dean
just glared at him. He hadn’t been able to say Castiel’s name out loud for a
long time, and had no idea he still whispered it in his sleep when he was
dreaming about those lazy sunny days by the pond. Something so stupid didn’t
even deserve a response. “I still can’t believe you won’t consider taking a
mate.” Sam knew Dean hadn't even looked at another man since he gave his heart
to Castiel and never taken it back. “Maybe you should at least try to move on.”
There was an awkward silence.
“You talk too much, Sammy.”
“Yeah. Well, you’re short.”
It shut Dean up for a second or two. He supposed to Sam that applied to
everyone, so he didn’t take it personally. Having to at least pretend to behave
for an enforcement officer had definitely not improved his dark mood. He gave
it one more try to get Sam to work some of his magic. Dean always relied on Sam
to clear up his mess but even he couldn’t do anything this time. The order had
come right from the top.
“Sam, come on. I don’t need a fucking babysitter. Can’t you do some of your
mojo or somethin’? I’ll go stir crazy having to play nice.”
“No, Dean. It’s not negotiable.”
“Sam, which part of hell no aren’t you hearing?” Sam folded his arms across his
chest and stared down at Dean while he waited for him to catch up. “Please,
man. Get me outta this.” Dean soon slipped into whining. For all his mouth, he
knew he was balls to the wall when it came to following enforcement orders.
“I can’t. Not this time. Just suck it up and tell them what they want to hear.
Then we can skip town when you’re done. I don’t like it, Dean.” Sam checked
over his shoulder. It felt like he was being watched. “Something’s off.” His
sense of alarm started to grow when Sam saw an officer walking towards them.
Dean grabbed Sam’s arm.
“Oh, you gotta be shitting me. Is that him?” Dean asked in despair. “Dude’s
wearing sunglasses inside. You know who does that, Sam? Serial killers and
dicks.”
“I think we can assume he’s not a serial killer.”
“Exactly.”
“Dean, just be good.” Sam pleaded. “Answer his questions and try not to upset
him too much.” A couple of rookies had been talking loudly outside the meeting
room and Sam was trying hard to let it go, but when he overheard something
about wiggling skanky asses and presenting pretty little slut holes to anything
with a pulse, Sam had to bite hard into his lip to try and force down the anger
that made his blood surge. Sam couldn’t hurt Dean by repeating anything so
insulting so he went for second best. “They’re not gonna put up with any of
your bullshit, Dean. I’m giving you a piece of advice here. This time as your
brother.” Sam straightened Dean’s tags and gave his jacket a quick tug. “Don’t
say anything except yes and no, and keep your eyes down. If you at least try
and convince them you’re willing to be compliant, it’ll be over a lot quicker
and then we can get out of here before you get in any more trouble.”
Officer Novak walked past Sam and Dean with a look of disinterest. He wasn’t
exactly thrilled he’d been put on Smith detail. His nose gave a little twitch
when he passed Dean by but he quickly dismissed it, gesturing for Sam to take
the new assignment into a side room. Dean was already on guard before he even
got through the door, repeating no eye contact over and over again in his mind
as he stumbled inside. He knew Sam wasn’t messing around this time. Dean had it
all planned out in his head. Yes and no. Get out of there. Bar. Speech.
Possibly bar again. Leave. He didn’t like having to go anywhere without Sam. He
was usually allowed to sit in with Dean on official examinations and status
updates but CORP had been very specific. They wanted Smith left on his own with
Novak to make it easier to break him down.
Dean and Castiel didn’t look at each other once. Maybe there would have been
some hint of recognition if they hadn’t closed down their hearts from the rest
of the world a long time ago. Fate might have brought them back together but it
was going to take a lot of time and understanding to help them remember why
they fell in love with each other in the first place. It was the last thing
they expected and it still hurt.
“Have a seat, Smith.” Dean knew the officer didn’t even spare him a glance when
he nodded towards a chair and continued to read through the folder. Dean could
see the word classified with his registration number printed over the top. It
only made him even more determined to make the interrogation as painful as
possible, and not for him. There was a strange tension between them that made
the room feel a lot warmer than it really was. Dean reluctantly sat down on the
opposite side of the desk. The officer took a few minutes to list a set of
government rules Dean was all too familiar with and spent another tedious half-
hour asking him stupid standard questions he already had the answers to. Dean
knew he was only trying to make a point.
“So?” Dean asked, after a silence that went on too long. “What’s this really
about?” Castiel didn’t look up.
“My superiors wanted us to have a little chat. You seem to be determined to
leave a trail of destruction wherever you go and they want me to tame you, Mr.
Smith. That’s my order.” Dean was so incensed by the implication he almost
forgot to play along.
“I’m not your pet. Mr. Enforcement officer, sir.” Dean mouthed the last word
sarcastically. Castiel’s reputation usually preceded him but this one didn’t
seem rattled at all. If anything, he just sounded pissed. Castiel had read
through some of the file while he was waiting, pretty sure he didn’t need to be
worried about much more than a penchant for worn leather and a dirty mouth.
“Your opening statement copied from your notes, and I quote.” Castiel added,
completely ignoring the remark while he traced his finger under a line he was
reading. “Alphas don’t deserve special rights just because they’re hopped up on
musk and full of raging testosterone. It makes them aggressive and extremely
dangerous.” Dean flinched. He used that one a lot to provoke an omega crowd. He
could tell straight away he was going to find this man almost insufferable.
“That’s either very brave or very stupid. I expected a submissive to be a
little less… hmm.” Castiel searched for the right word. “Resistant.” Dean was
doing his best to be respectful, but if comments like that were going to be a
dime a dozen, then Dean was going to make damn sure officer screw you knew he
was the last person to try and invite to a pity party, thank you very much.
Dean forced himself to stare at the space between his boots.
“Happy to disappoint.”
There was just something about him that made Castiel want to understand why an
omega like that would risk his own freedom so others could hang on to theirs.
His voice was much softer when he spoke again.
“I don’t get why you put yourself out there all the time. Why don’t you just
accept it?”
“Because we shouldn’t have to.” Dean mumbled under his breath. He remembered
Sam’s warning. It almost got lost under the temptation to look this arrogant
dick dead in the eye and tell him exactly what he thought about his patronizing
horseshit. Dean thought better of it and kept his head down. Wouldn’t have made
any difference, anyway. Idiot still had his shades on. “If it comes to going
out one way or the other, then I choose to go out swinging.” Dean’s voice
faltered. He was starting to feel a bit faint, like everything was closing in
on him. “Not on my fucking knees.”
Castiel was staring blankly at the file spread open in front of him. The words
all looked blurry and he couldn’t seem to concentrate at all. The small room
was unbearably hot. Castiel pulled at his collar, the sudden need to get out of
such a confined space ruffling every single one of his proverbial feathers.
“You’re not like the others.” Castiel said slowly, finally glimpsing up from
the desk. All he could see was the shine of polished tags and a mess of tousled
hair. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Castiel saw his own hands start to
shake and quickly closed the file, making his excuses and cutting the interview
surprisingly short. Dean never looked up again, but he felt a gentle draft of
something delicious sweep by his side when the officer suddenly rushed past
him. It left both of them desperate for air.
Dean presumed that meant he was allowed to go, and didn’t wait around to have
it confirmed. When he stood up his legs almost gave way. He felt so ill, Dean
bailed on the convention and bolted straight back to the hotel room. Sam
quickly followed him up the stairs and made it to the door just in time to see
Dean throw himself on top of one of the beds and curl himself up into a ball.
“Dean, quit screwing around. What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t know… fuck that mini-bar. I call it totally irresponsible putting free
alcohol next to my bed.”
“It’s not free, Dean.”
“Isn’t it? Huh.” Dean muttered, and closed his eyes. He had only been suffering
like that since he came barrelling out of the meeting room, and Sam was smart
enough to do the math. He sat down next to Dean on the edge of the bed and
rubbed his hand up and down his thigh to comfort him.
“So, I’m guessing that could have gone better.”
“Hmm.”
“What happened? He didn’t examine you, did he?"
“I’d like to have seen him try.” Dean spat, moaning in pain when he pressed two
clenched fists into the bottom of his stomach. There was something unnaturally
comfortable about that alpha, despite his reputation. “I think I’m dying here,
man. I can’t go anywhere like this. I'll fill you in later... but we’re gonna
have to stay here for a bit.” Sam had been desperate to leave after Dean was
done with his pitch but now it looked like both of those were off the table.
“Maybe drinking at ten in the morning wasn’t one of your sweeter ideas.” Dean
didn’t actually believe for a second it was the booze that had got to him. He
only said that to shut Sam up. Something was happening to him. A lost memory
from a long time ago.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel was leaning over one of the trash cans outside when Carter found him.
“What’s the matter with you?” Castiel pushed himself up and just muttered he
was sick. Carter frowned down at him. Castiel had been perfectly alright
earlier that morning and now he looked like he was burning up. His cheeks were
flushed and pink. Sweat was beading above his top lip, and his pulse was
beating so fast Carter could see it throbbing hard in his neck. “You rutting?”
He asked suddenly. “You look like shit.”
“I’m fine.”
“You always look like that when you’re fine?”
Castiel struggled to stay upright and calm his heart beat. He never got sick.
Never let anything stop him from nailing a case.
“I said, I’m okay. I don’t have those anymore.” Castiel replied, with a sigh.
So long without even looking for a mate had dried up most of his instinctive
desires.
“Sure Dean Smith didn’t get to you, Novak?” Carter couldn’t resist a smile.
“Aren’t you supposed to be a hard ass? An hour alone in a room with a male
omega and you’re running out here like a pussy. Maybe it is true what they say
about you, then. They said he was good.”
“He’s not that good.” Castiel answered quietly, wiping the back of his hand
across his mouth. Scared for the first time in almost two decades he was
starting to doubt his ability to focus on the mission and not on the damn scent
that had stirred up something deep inside him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Detox *****
43. Detox
Castiel made a brave attempt to ignore the unexpected pressure in a barren knot
that had been lifeless for so long the sudden tingle stopped him cold. He
turned to go back inside but only made it about ten yards before he was running
out again, gasping in mouthfuls of fresh air like his life depended on it.
Carter was still propped up against the wall behind him, making sure to give
Castiel some room in case he decided to hurl again.
“You want me to get someone to take care of Smith for you?” Carter didn’t know
Dean had already left and the full order included taking a blood sample and
doing a quick examination.
“No. I said I’ll be alright in a minute.” Castiel bit back. Having no control
over his body left him so shaken he couldn’t even try to stay cool. “Haven’t
you ever seen anybody throw up before? Go and do something useful - like your
job.” Carter sucked in one cheek and held his hands up. He was used to Castiel
being sulky on a regular basis but this was something he’d never seen before.
“Okay. You don’t have to bite my head off. You want me to at least fetch your
jacket? You’re shivering.” Castiel shot him an angry look. His stomach was
still churning and the heat starting to fire up his blood only made him more
difficult than usual. He slipped it off when the room started to feel a little
too warm and forgot to pick it up in his haste to dive outside and get rid of
his breakfast. Carter decided to quit while he was marginally ahead and went
back inside to finish up some paperwork. Castiel’s mind was working overtime,
years of deep-seated denial dismissing a familiar feeling he tried hard to
forget so it hurt less. A lonely emptiness had settled inside him since the day
Dean left him sitting alone by the pond until dark. He never expected to feel
like that again and it scared the shit out of him. Castiel always felt like he
was looking for something he could never find before he landed in Haven. He
believed with all his heart nothing in his life was ever right until they met
and now it never would be again.
Alphas always pushed for more power because they thought they were special.
Castiel knew different, but he hid it well behind a shiny badge and a bad taste
in his mouth. Special was green eyes and freckles. A beautiful boy with bow
legs that had always been the perfect shape for him to slide between. There
wasn’t a day went by when Castiel didn’t think about him. That one happy moment
was seamlessly cast aside when he was yanked back to a depressing reality by a
voice behind him. The precious memory was gone just as quickly as it appeared,
and Officer 21 was back and ready for duty.
“Novak?”
“Yes?”
“Carter says you’re not feeling well. They’ve assigned someone else to finish
the interview. Take a few minutes. We’ll call you if we need to.”
“That’s my detail.” Castiel replied defensively. “I’m perfectly capable of
doing it myself.” He straightened up a bit too fast and had to steady himself
against the wall when his head started to swim.
“Yeah, I can see that.”
Castiel was still reeling from the swell of raging hormones that seemed to take
far too much delight in ravaging his body with a sexual desire for release he
hadn’t experienced for years. He just gave the other man a brief nod in defeat
with the promise he would be back in as soon as he felt a little better.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was still doubled-over on the bed when Sam heard someone pounding hard on
the door. Sam had been able to establish some level of credibility as he got
older, protected by the organization that gave him the research associate post
a few years before. He took the job to keep Dean safe and watch his back. It
gave him enough sway to give Dean a license to run his mouth, but not much
more. Sam kept a lot of it from his brother. Dean was on a need to know basis,
and some of it he really didn’t need to know. Sam recognized an official knock
when he heard one and hauled himself up to pull it open.
Dean could hear a string of muffled voices from the hallway while he carefully
rolled onto his stomach. He was soon startled fully awake when someone grabbed
his shoulder. Sam was hanging over him.
“Jesus, wear a bell.” Dean made a weak attempt to shove him away. His pulse was
erratic at best and every breath made his chest ache. “You nearly gave me a
heart attack.”
“Get up.”
“What?”
“There’s a couple of rather persistent CORP officers at the door. They want to
take you downstairs again for an examination.”
“Oh, come on. I’m not due yet. They can’t take me in early for that.” Dean had
been drifting in and out of a restless nap, trying hard to shed the strange
tremble of want inside him. “Can they?” Sam figured Dean had about four months
left before he was up for another one, but he couldn’t stop the authorities
taking samples if that was how they were going to play it.
“I don’t think they care, Dean. You gotta go with them, but I’ll try and
wrangle it so I can sit in with you.”
“Do they have to do it now? Why won’t anybody just let me die in peace?”
“Nobody’s dying, Dean.” Sam thought he knew exactly what was wrong, but the
implications of that were too much for Dean to handle while he was still strung
out on alpha musk. Sam decided to wait it out and see if he might be right.
Dean looked even more pathetic when he pushed himself off the bed and miserably
followed Sam to the door. He just didn’t have enough fight left in him to
refuse. “I don’t know what happened earlier but they said your file wasn’t
updated.” Sam explained quickly. “They need you to go back and do a few tests.”
Dean didn’t think the day could possibly get any worse but now he felt like he
was being persecuted on a biblical level.
“Alright, fine.” Dean sighed, heightened sensitivity making him bitchy and
irritable. “But if anyone touches my dick, I’m calling it.” Sam just closed one
eye in response and shut the door behind them.
By the time they reached the meeting room, Dean was visibly struggling and Sam
had to lean against his side just to keep him vertical. One of the men herded
them roughly inside.
“In there, cupcake.” It wasn’t even remotely affectionate and Dean suspected it
was a spiteful dig at his status as a male omega. “Quick exam and a few
questions. Take off your tags and lose the shirt.”
Dean knew that man was very lucky he didn’t feel up to swinging for him. He was
still in pain and now there was a dull ache spreading down through the space
between his hips like his insides were about to fall out. It dragged out
repressed memories of some instinctive need he couldn’t quite place. One of the
officers tried to hurry him up by prodding an impatient finger into the middle
of his back.
“Hey.” Dean managed to spit out. “Maverick already gave me the third degree. I
do actually have some rights, you know.”
Sam had played the system to his advantage for years. He slid in next to Dean
and hoped nobody would realize he wasn’t actually supposed to be there. His
luck held, and they were left alone while one of the other officers went to
fetch the file. An impressive IQ and a lonely childhood spent reading up on
alpha lore had made it easy to convince both sides he could see both without
too much bias. Sam kept the book Bobby gave him as close to his heart as the
promise he once made. Plans for omega sterilization had been given the all-
clear only a few months before and anyone considered capable of reproducing was
forced to check their suitability for the special program. Sam was running out
of options and had a sneaky suspicion he knew who was up next. He helped Dean
to sit. His head was dropped low, his whole body now twitching with little
bursts of warmth.
“God, you’re shaking like a leaf.” Sam glanced around and made an impulsive
decision to grab the first thing to hand, mistaking a budding heat for being
cold. “Here, Dean.” Sam reached for a discarded jacket hanging over the back of
one chair and wrapped it around his brother to try and warm him up. Dean
instantly leaned into it, snuffling his face against the worn leather like it
was a novelty candy. Sam was watching him with growing interest. Dean had spent
the best part of an hour hoping he could convince himself it was nothing
serious. That theory was now blown completely out the water. Something stirred
in his lap just as the man returned. Dean was suddenly squirming in his seat,
the sinful noises he didn’t even know he was making forced Sam to blush even
harder than the young officer standing beside him. “Dean.” Sam whispered,
through clenched teeth. “We’re not alone.”
“Is he okay?” The agent asked doubtfully. Sam didn’t think Dean was even close
to okay and shook his head, hoping they would put off any more testing while
his brother was in such a sorry state. The second Dean had been draped in
Castiel’s jacket, the powerful scent had kicked him over the edge of restraint
and stimulated a desperation to be touched he hadn’t hungered for since he was
a boy. Sam felt obliged to interject when his hips gave a little stutter.
“Just make it quick. I really need to get him back to bed.” No one in uniform
wanted to get involved with a fucked up omega so one of them rushed to take a
small vial of blood and gave Dean a token once over just so he could tick a box
for his superior. Dean couldn’t even find it in him to care. It felt like
everything else around him started to fade away while he breathed in deep and
gave himself over to the blissful sensations coursing through every vein. Dean
had little control over his own body but at least he wasn’t in pain anymore. A
wave of calm had suddenly washed over him. They were left alone again and Sam
was keen to get back to the hotel room but Dean made zero effort to move. Sam
couldn’t really pick up on much scent-wise. The potency of Dean and Castiel’s
hormones had changed a little since they were grown, but nature made sure a
fertile omega would always be able to know their mate. An undying bond like the
one the boys once shared just intensified every little pulse of desire. The
immature pheromones they both gave off so freely as children when they
presented, dampened after their separation. Castiel never got the chance to
bite Dean so he didn’t smell quite the same, but his natural omega instincts
were still responding with a vengeance. “How you feeling?” Sam tried
hesitantly.
“Not so hot.”
It was an unusual choice of words under the circumstances. Dean’s first heat
was triggered by Castiel when his true mate marked him for claiming all those
years ago. Now he was drawn to him again, even though the logical part of his
brain told the rest of his body it couldn’t possibly be. Dean knew he would
never see that boy again and accepted it a long time ago. Sam wasn’t duped
quite so easily.
“Maybe it’s no coincidence we ended up coming here.” He said thoughtfully.
“There’s something really weird going on, Dean. Like fate weird.” Dean’s eyes
flickered when he remembered what Castiel once said in a long forgotten past.
“What did you say?”
“Huh?”
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t believe in all that destiny crap.” Dean murmured
quietly. “Not anymore.” Sam didn’t miss the look of sadness hidden behind those
weary eyes. Dean and Castiel had both felt so alone before they finally found
each other by the edge of the water. Dean might have once believed they were
meant to be together but twenty-four years apart had eventually convinced him
it had all been a hopeless dream. “Just leave it, Sam.” Dean sighed. “I must
have got sick, is all. Probably caught something off that dick enforcement
officer.” Sam reckoned Dean had caught something alright, inexplicably hopeful
there might be more to said dick enforcement officer than there seemed. “And
stop smiling.”
“I’m not.”
“You are too smiling. Knock it off.”
“Okay.”
“And don’t say okay.”
“I was merely agreeing with you.”
“No you weren’t. You were saying okay in that way you always do when you think
you know something you actually don’t.”
“Okay.” Sam added. Dean groaned again and rubbed his palms across the base of
his stomach, trying to get comfortable and wishing he could ignore the building
pressure slinking down through his back. Sam couldn’t resist the temptation any
longer and hinted at something he suspected since Dean had been cut loose from
his meeting. “What about suppressants? We are in New York, Dean. I’m sure I can
find some dude in a trench coat hanging around the subway if you want me to try
and get you some.”
Dean swallowed down a mouthful of spit and twisted his head round to stare at
Sam in disgust.
“No, I don’t want any fucking suppressants. I don’t need those stupid pills,
Sam. It’s not that. You know I haven’t really had one since - ” Dean’s voice
trailed off. Castiel’s name was always suspended just on the tip of his tongue
but it never came out. It meant he would have power over him again and Dean
didn’t want it to hurt any more than it already did. Even after so many years
without the love and unconditional devotion that always made him feel so safe.
Dean hadn’t been given either of those for so long he couldn’t really remember
anything else.
“Yeah, I get that, Dean.” Sam’s smile faded. It probably wasn’t the best time
to remind his brother of the one true love he lost. Sam prayed Dean would
someday find happiness again and was delighting in the idea an alpha might be
interested in his brother, but he wasn’t a total asshole. “But there’s no way
that’s normal.”
“Like you’d know.”
“Well, technically I would.”
Dean could feel the smug grin practically burning a hole in the side of his
face.
“Man, shut up. Go psycho-whatever someone else. I just overdid it.”
“No you didn’t.”
Sam was slowly starting to put a few fractured pieces together, almost certain
someone had eventually pushed Dean into another mating cycle. There was no way
in hell it was a random heat after such a long time without one and the warning
signs were there well before all the prodding and poking started. Sam dismissed
that straight away. The other physicals Dean was subjected to every six months
or so never once had such a powerful effect on him.
“I’m probably just tired, then. I feel like absolute shit.”
“Well, you know what I think.” Sam smiled to himself again. Dean looked like he
was having withdrawal symptoms from a paralyzing addiction. “And don’t even try
to tell me that’s from a couple of mini bottles of whatever you downed when you
got up this morning.”
“Whatever. I’m just gonna ride it out if you shut your pie hole and let me
detox in peace. I’ll be alright when I’ve slept it off.” Dean wasn’t really
sure what it was. Sleeping it off wasn’t going to solve a damn thing. Sam let
him be for a minute while he mulled over everything Dean had been exposed to
since they arrived in New York. Something definitely forced him into it. Sam
didn’t think Dean had managed to connect those particular dots just yet. Maybe
his brother was finally ready to let another mate into his heart after so many
years of sacrifice. Dean could deny it all he wanted, but the evidence was
right there. The last alpha who caused his body to respond so violently had
been left behind forever and it nearly killed him. Dean was never the same
inside since they were forced apart. If it hadn’t been so serious, Sam might
have actually found it quite entertaining. He had seen Dean like this once
before when that first heat hit, the memory of getting covered in slick still
made him twitch if he thought about it for too long.
Dean leaned forward when a flood of fear and confusion rushed through his body
and now he really did feel sick. He retched over his hands where he had them
cupped together in front of his mouth, just in case. Sam rushed over and
started to rub his back like he had when they were young and cuddled up in bed
together. Sam helped him through it while Castiel was away, but now nothing
made Dean feel any better. Sam was still making calming little circles when
Dean suddenly went rigid in horror. A pulsating squeeze shot straight down the
middle of his ass. Sam was grinning like an idiot. He no longer had any doubt.
Dean was in heat, and it was going to be a doozy judging by the look on his
brother's face when he realized what happened. The logistics of moving him at
all now he had splooged all over himself were going to have to rely on a covert
strategy of epic proportions. A crippling natural response like that could only
mean one thing. There was an alpha close by who was desperate to claim him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Dragonfly *****
44. Dragonfly
Sam could see Dean was barely capable of standing and had no chance of making a
break for it without him. He backed off slowly so he could check the corridor,
hoping the aroma from Dean’s little accident hadn't been strong enough to drift
outside already. There were so many alpha enforcement officers in the lobby he
may as well ring a dinner bell.
“Dean.” Sam whispered urgently, poking his head back in with an overly
optimistic attempt to get his brother to safety before anyone could smell an
omega in heat. “We need to leave, and we need to leave now.” Sam insisted.
“Come on, up you get.” Dean was still fixed to the seat in dismay. He always
stayed unmated for Cas, like anything else would have been disloyal somehow.
Dean never once looked for another mate but now he was an open invitation. He
spent many years striving to cope with being different. It was so much easier
to focus on trying to change the world than to face the thought of never
looking into those bewitching eyes again. Dean had no idea the scent mark
Castiel covered him with as a boy had triggered a rush of omega hormones that
warned any challenging alpha Dean had already been tagged for claiming. No one
else would dare to touch him if they didn’t want to risk unleashing a
protective rival with a jealous streak a mile wide.
Sam dragged him up and tried to disguise the spreading damp by swaddling Dean
in the only thing he had that might help mask the scent. For once in his life,
Dean didn’t object and just let Sam bundle him out into the hallway. He did
seem unnaturally attached to that pile of leather. They managed to make it to
the stairs without too much trouble, carefully sneaking up two flights with
Dean still wrapped in Castiel’s jacket.
Sam hadn’t seen him so completely out of it since they were young. By the time
he deposited him on one of the beds, he wasn’t sure Dean even knew what day it
was. Sam tried to take it away and cover him with a sheet instead but Dean
refused to give it up, pulling the hide around his body like it was the most
precious thing in the world. It made him feel warm and safe, impossible to
explain the strange combination of serenity and arousal that had rendered him
virtually speechless. Sam gave up and left Dean to rest with Castiel’s leather
spread out over the top of him like some kind of golden fleece. Sam decided to
get rid of the evidence downstairs and take the chance to ask around to find
out if anyone suspected anything. He took a calculated risk and left the door
unlocked in case Dean fell asleep and hurried back to the examination room to
make sure he cleaned up before anyone spotted the pheromone-drenched puddle.
                                 ………. «» ……….
“Where the hell is my jacket?” Castiel demanded, grabbing one of the men by the
arm when he swept past. Castiel eventually made it back to the meeting room
when he had nothing left in his stomach. The chilly air outside helped to cool
him down some but the same couldn’t be said for the throbbing heat between his
legs. The whole episode had left him confused and on edge. Most of the other
men knew it was best to avoid Novak if he was having a bad day. Sam only just
finished mopping up and almost bumped into him in the doorway. He slid across
the wall and disappeared into the crowd before anyone even noticed - no mean
feat when you’re six foot four and a bit.
“Shit.” The young officer replied. “I think Smith still has it.”
“What?” Castiel stared at him suspiciously. “Why?”
“Not sure. That normal he’s always hanging around with used it to try and stop
him shivering. There was something really wrong with him.”
Castiel cursed and slapped his hand on the desk. One more job he had to do
before he could get back to work. He made a quick stop to find out what suite
Smith was in so he could go and retrieve it. Turned out he didn’t really need
the room number. As soon as Castiel reached the stairwell, every stirring sense
was hit by that beautiful scent again and he practically floated up the steps
with his nose tilted in the air. Drawn by instinct to search out the source of
that delicious slick.
Castiel soon found what he was looking for and rapped on the door out of
politeness more than anything else. He wasn’t normally so courteous when it
came to confronting the omegas he tracked down, but there was something about
this one that did things to the dark places inside him. He left it a minute or
so before he knocked again but no one came to answer it so he eased the door
open a crack and peered inside. The room was almost completely consumed by
shade where Sam had pulled the blind down. Castiel could just make out the
shape of a restless body that seemed oblivious to everything else around it.
The smell was now totally overpowering and Castiel started to stumble forward
like he was being tugged towards the bed.
“Smith?” Castiel always calmed Dean when he was close and even though he was on
the edge of sleep, all his distress was suddenly soothed away by the beautiful
comfort of his one true alpha. Castiel could almost taste him. His eyes kept
wandering over the curves of Dean’s ass where he was stretched out on his side,
both knees pulled up to his stomach. “It’s your enforcement officer. I want my
jacket back.”
“What?” Dean asked sleepily. He didn’t bother to turn around when there was no
response. Dean shook his head and tried not to take the silence personally.
That guy was weird, and a bit of a dick so if he was talking to himself Dean
wouldn’t have been surprised in the least.
“My jacket.” Castiel stammered, starting to feel funny again like his head was
full of fuzzy white noise. He wasn't sure he would have been able to stop
himself from moving closer, even if he wanted to.
“Here. Fucking have it, then.” Dean mumbled into the pillow, reluctantly
peeling it off and holding it out behind him with one hand so Castiel would
just take it and leave him alone. Castiel tried real hard to stay in control,
but a sudden burst of fresh slick floored him completely and he sank to his
knees behind Dean, painfully stiff and aching to reach out and touch him.
Castiel couldn’t remember the last time he jacked-off but now he wished he
hadn’t left it so long. He knew the treacherous little bastard wasn’t going
down any time soon and the rapid stretch of his knot was excruciating. Dean
wiggled his property towards him with an impatient sigh. Castiel stopped dead
when he saw something glint through a break in the shadows and Dean heard him
inhale a sharp breath. Castiel was gazing down in astonishment when a rare
moment of clarity flickered in his eyes. He suddenly lurched forward and
grabbed Dean’s arm.
“Hey.”
“Where did you get that?” Castiel hissed, all his arousal instantly replaced
with a realization that hit him like a punch to the gut. His cold eyes were now
fixed on the cord that was circling Dean’s wrist. He stared at the hint of a
tarnished silver charm, the unmistakable curve of little wings dangling from a
battered leather band. Castiel held on to him tightly, fingertips digging into
Dean’s skin when he tried to pull himself from the iron grip. “I mean it. I
need to know. Where did you get this?” Dean turned slowly and watched the
movement of his mouth, not certain he wanted to share precious secrets of his
first love with a man he hardly knew. He couldn’t really see his face, but
suspected that alpha was pinning him with such a demanding glare Dean soon
relented and let out another sigh.
“Not that it’s any of your damn business, officer.” Dean added the last word
with contempt. “But someone gave it to me.” A little flutter of hope winding
its way in at the memory. “A long time ago.” Dean could hear heavy fractured
breaths fill the space between them.
“Give me your hand.”
“What? No.” Castiel pulled Dean’s arm towards him with a violent jerk. “Hey.
Police brutality, man. Stop it.”
Dean twisted his body round to try and get his hand back. Castiel flipped it
over and examined his palm, running a shaky finger down the length of the
silvery scar where he once promised to always take care of him. His hand was
shaking uncontrollably, frantic eyes darting through the darkness.
“Dean?” Castiel’s face was suspended in wonder when the truth smacked him hard.
It was pain, love and confusion all at once in a single expression Dean would
never forget. He knew him. Dean dared to look up into those eyes. Really look
in them for the first time since they met up again.
“Cas?” Dean gasped, his arm suddenly falling limp in Castiel’s hand. Dean
couldn’t help but stretch out his fingers to touch Castiel’s face, just to make
sure he was really there. “But… how?” Castiel didn’t answer. The rest of his
thoughts devoured by the knowledge his omega had held on to that tiny dragonfly
for so long.
“You kept it?” Castiel murmured in amazement. “All this time?” Dean just
nodded. His voice was lost somewhere behind the budding tears in his eyes that
were dangerously close to spilling over.
“Yeah.” Dean managed at last. “I had to patch up the cord every once in a while
but yeah, ‘course I did.”
“Why?”
“Because you made me promise to wear it for always, whatever happened.” Dean
didn’t know why he said that and wished he could stop his mouth from moving and
letting his heart pour out. He tried to focus on something else. Something that
would make him sound strong again. “What the hell are you doing in the CORP?”
The wonderful feeling of having Castiel so close was slowly taken over by
disappointment when reality sank in. The Cas he knew would never have been so
cruel.
“Dean, I had to do something. I’ve spent most of my life trying to forget you
so the pain would go away.” A lifetime of oppression made Dean balk at the
injustice. To know the boy he loved was a part of it was almost more than he
could take.
“Is that how you justify it?”
Castiel didn’t see why he should have to defend himself for just trying to
survive all these years without him.
“Things change. You changed. You left me, Dean.”
“Are you serious? You broke my fucking heart, Cas. Everything died in me that
day. Don’t you dare put that on me.”
“I broke your heart?” Castiel was already sitting up a little straighter, two
decades of agonizing sadness rising up and coating his tongue with poison. His
eyes were wide with disbelief. “You’re the one who left. Left me not knowing
what happened, what I did wrong. You didn’t even say goodbye.”
“You think I left by choice? That I ever wanted to leave you? You were my best
friend.” There was so much hurt inside them both, it was going to take more
than a handful of happy memories to let them trust again. Castiel never really
knew the truth, always believing he had been deserted because he wasn’t good
enough to mate. Dean tried to level his voice. He didn’t want them to fight.
“It was getting dangerous. My dad made us leave after I presented. He was
scared for me. All that registration bullshit just started and he freaked out.”
Dean longed to explain the damage that had done to him. “I cried for weeks,
Cas. There was an ache inside me that never went away. It left a hole so big I
can’t even tell you.”
“You don’t have to, Dean.” Castiel tried hard to smile, but there was so much
heartache still there all his mouth managed was a little twitch at the corner.
“There’s one in me too.” Dean didn’t really know what to say. Castiel noticed
he was starting to play with the leather cord just to give his hands something
to do.
“You promised we would always be together. I made you swear, Cas, remember?
When you gave me this. I just didn’t want you to forget me.”
“I never did. It hurt me, Dean. Losing you. It hurt me in ways you can’t even
imagine.”
“Hurt you.” Dean echoed, exhaling a shallow breath when he dropped his head to
push away the fading memories that had haunted every minute since. “Your dad
told me you didn’t want to be my friend anymore, because … because of what I
was - what I am.” Dean couldn’t stand to look into the eyes of a man he thought
all his life had abandoned him because they were on different sides of
something neither of them ever completely understood. “None of that matters to
me now.” Dean forced out, even though it was a cruel lie that turned his
stomach. “It made me stronger. I’m not afraid anymore. The world isn’t the
same, and I took a stand against people like you. Refused to let alphas put me
down and make me feel like I should be ashamed of being different.”
“People like me.” Castiel murmured. That one really hurt. “Dean, I never said
that, never. My heart was ripped out that day.”
“Why would you do that, though? Why join those assholes?”
“Why do you think? I never thought, never dreamed I would ever see you again,
Dean. It was just a distraction, a cause to follow that wasn’t something my
fucking dad wanted. I thought it would make me feel better, make the pain go
away. Why do you fight like you do?”
“Same.” Dean whispered. He didn’t think anyone would ever get how he felt
inside after being torn away from his true mate before they could physically
bond, but Cas still understood him. He always had.
“Did it work?” Castiel asked carefully.
“Nope. You?”
“Not for a second.” They shared a soft laugh. “I always said you were gonna
make something of yourself one day.” Castiel gave Dean a sad smile. A hostile
omega extremist wasn’t exactly what he had in mind.
“I can’t be that boy again, Cas. It would make the last ten years of my life
mean nothing.”
“The last twenty of mine have meant nothing without you.” Castiel breathed.
Dean didn’t think he was meant to hear it.
“Cas.” Dean was starting to fall apart inside, his masterfully crafted wall
swiftly crumbling when he looked up into those eyes that had filled his dreams
every night since they parted. It felt like he was thirteen again, desperate
for that boy to love him. Dean gently turned his face away before the omega in
him took over and let Castiel erase all that despair with a single touch.
“Don’t.”
The rigid pause that followed was loaded with tension.
“I waited all day.” Castiel said quietly. Dean was still pressing his fingers
hard into his palms to stop his hands from shaking. He didn’t look back up.
“Down at the pond. I watched those dragonflies until the sun set and you never
came back, Dean. You never came back for me, like I came back for you.”
“Dragonfly pond.” A long lost piece of his childhood suddenly warmed Dean from
the inside. “That was the first time you kissed me.” Castiel nodded. He could
still taste the nectar on Dean’s lips sometimes when he closed his eyes.
“Wasn’t really much of a kiss. I was like twelve.”
“Thirteen and a half actually.” Dean said, finally letting in a little chink of
light. A fond smile dared to chase away some of the hopelessness that had been
lodged inside him for so long. He remembered that day like it was yesterday.
Every moment with Castiel had been locked in his memory forever. “Cas, my dad
wanted to hide me away. He told me later he didn’t want me to be claimed so
young. Then, I just… fuck, I dunno.” Dean’s voice faltered when he remembered
what Alex said to him that day. The day that changed him forever. “I thought
you didn’t love me anymore.”
Castiel heaved in an unsteady breath.
“Why would you think that? You’re the only one who ever had my heart, Dean. The
only one.” Dean knew he was going to weaken if he sat there much longer, so he
forced himself to stand and glanced nervously towards the door.
“We were so young. Everything’s different now.”
“I didn’t care what anyone else said, I loved you more than anything. I still
love you.” Castiel suddenly burst out. He couldn’t keep it in anymore.
“No, Cas. You love the memory of me.” Dean bit hard at the inside of one cheek
to hold back his emotion. “I don’t know you now.”
“I’m still the same inside.” Castiel tried to take Dean’s hand, but he was so
close to tears all he could think about was getting away from that piercing
gaze. Dean couldn’t let him back in. He would never survive the grief of losing
him a second time.
“I'm not sure that's true. I won’t let you break my heart again.”
“Dean, please.” Castiel begged. “Just listen to me, let me explain.” Dean shook
his head and slowly stepped back, fingers reaching blindly for the door handle
and the promise of escape from the dangerous temptation in front of him. “I
don’t know what else to say. I can only tell you I’m sorry. Whatever you think
I did. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, Cas. Me too.” Dean gently closed the door behind him before he changed
his mind and ran back to Castiel’s arms. He practically knocked Sam over when
he tried to push past him in the hallway outside. Sam just managed to catch him
by the elbow and pull him back. Dean was so obviously upset, Sam felt a sharp
prick of alarm.
“What’s the matter?" He panted. Dean’s eyes were wild, little trails of sadness
running down both cheeks.
“Sam, it’s him. It’s Castiel.” Dean still had the shakes. Sam just gaped at him
in confusion. Dean never said his name again after they moved to Lawrence. “A
fucking enforcement officer, Sam… my Cas.”
“What? Tell me what happened.”
Everything hurt. Dean was so close to spilling it all but nothing seemed to
want to come out. He drew in another gasp. Sam could see his lip trembling.
“I can’t.” Dean muttered. He turned away. “I need some air.”
“Dean.” Sam called after him. The tang at the back of his throat made it hard
to forget Dean was in heat and the hotel was still crawling with alphas. Panic
was suddenly clawing at his conscience. “Wait. Don’t go anywhere without me.
Dean!” His brother was already scrambling down the corridor, the subtle clink
of his tags the only sound that cut through the quiet while Dean looked for any
exit to take him outside so he could actually breathe again. “Shit.” Sam
flicked his head back towards the door, torn between going after him and
finding out what the fuck was going on. Sam couldn’t believe Castiel could
possibly be here with them, but it sure as hell would explain why Dean had been
left so powerless from an unexpected heat. He had to know.
Sam didn’t have enough self-control in him right then to let his gentle nature
stay locked inside this time and he stormed back to their hotel room with every
miserable emotion he ever had coming together in a little ball of rage that
quickly pushed its way up through his chest. Watching helplessly while Dean
suffered twenty-four years of that devastating loss. Every fitful night, every
bad dream that ever tortured Dean in his sleep came rushing into his thoughts
and Sam kicked the door open with so much force, it almost swung back to hit
him. He pushed his way inside. Castiel was just standing in the middle of the
room in stunned silence where Dean had left him, desperately wondering how he
could ever make it right. One single look into those familiar blue eyes and Sam
knew Dean wasn’t tripping. They stared at each other in shock for a second
before Sam threw himself forward and punched Castiel so hard he knocked him
down on his ass. “That’s for my brother.” Sam reached out and pulled Castiel
back on his feet before he wrapped him up in a suffocating hug and buried his
face in Castiel’s shoulder. “And that’s for me. I really missed you, Cas.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Instinct *****
45. Instinct
Sam held on just long enough to convince Castiel the affectionate embrace was
genuine, finally releasing him before he was crushed to death. Castiel took a
step back to get a really good look at him. His eyes seemed to drift up
forever.
“My God, you got big.” He said slowly. “How are you, Sam?” Just for a second
all the hostility and silent accusations were gone, replaced with a sentimental
understanding they both felt without having to say another word. Castiel had
always been very fond of Sam, and it showed on his face.
“Where do I start?” He shook his head. “I’m hanging in there, Cas. Just like
always. It’s not easy with Dean, you know… the way he is.” Sam added tactfully.
Castiel was suddenly squinting at him, not completely sure what he meant by
that. He guessed whatever changed Dean so profoundly was probably his fault
somehow. “It’s not exactly been a walk in the park for us these last few
years.” Castiel’s faint smile dropped away. He used to be able to pick up on
Dean’s emotions just by his smell. Always happy with so much hope for the
future it made him irresistible. Castiel felt sick again when he remembered he
couldn’t sense anything now. There was such a lonely emptiness inside Dean, the
new scent felt stale in his mouth. The possibility he caused his omega any pain
at all was unbearable, but to be responsible for killing all the love he once
had inside him was like a knife to the heart. “He didn’t ask for any of it, and
all this tagging crap he has to deal with makes me so angry sometimes.”
“Hmm. Well, you did just punch an enforcement officer.” Castiel answered
flatly. Sam bit at his lip.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Sam knew it was a serious offense, but the nervous
wobble in his stomach soon passed when Castiel smiled gently at him.
“I probably deserve at least that one.” His eyes looked so full of sadness, Sam
was already starting to regret that brutal crack to the jaw.
“What happened? That last day.” Sam asked, after a long pause.
“He didn’t tell you?”
“No.” Sam replied cautiously. “I tried asking but he never told me. Cas,
outside just now, that’s the first time I’ve heard him say your name in...
shit, I don’t know how long.”
“I wish I knew what happened.” Castiel’s legs finally gave way and he sat down
on the edge of the bed with a slump. “Everything was so perfect and then he was
just gone. I don’t think he was very happy to see me again.”
“Probably the silver star that did it.” Sam replied, his tone cold again. “You
can’t really blame him for feeling so betrayed.”
“I don’t blame him.” Castiel answered quickly. “I don’t blame him for anything,
not even for leaving me.” Sam didn’t understand why Castiel would say something
like that, always assuming he must have ditched Dean first. He frowned.
“You hurt him real bad, Cas. He’s been messed up for years.” Sam realized how
harsh that must have sounded when he saw Castiel flinch. “Just for the record,
I never hated you for it. Whatever you did.”
“Thanks, I think.” Castiel was rubbing hard at his cheek where a red mark was
blossoming on his skin. “That’s just it, though. I don’t know what I did. You
left and I never knew why. What happened to him, Sam?”
“Are you kidding?” Sam almost choked on his own voice. “You, Cas. He was never
the same after you.”
“I thought he forgot about me.”
Sam actually laughed, it was such an absurd thing to say.
“No, Cas. It hurts when he thinks about you. Even now, it hurts. I never told
him, but he talks about you in his sleep.”
“He does?”
“Every night.”
“I don’t sleep.” Castiel said absently, distracted by the hope his desperation
to hold Dean in his arms again might not be as pointless as he thought. “Not
really. The nights seem so long sometimes.”
“Yeah.” Sam mumbled. “I know.” He couldn’t even imagine the private hell they
both endured since their parting. Maybe Dean didn’t have the corner of the
market on shitty dreams after all. Sam had an idea they already bonded when
they were young and struggled to plaster over Dean’s text book abandonment
issues for years. He knew Castiel was the only boy his brother had ever loved.
“What’s he been doing all this time?”
“What he’s spent almost twenty years being programmed to do.” Sam sighed.
“Surviving.” Castiel felt everything inside him sink to the bottom of his
stomach. He had been a part of that misery and he could never make up for it.
“He told me I broke his heart, Sam.” Castiel closed his eyes. “That was the
last thing I ever wanted.” Sam didn’t know what to say. Dean never admitted
that to anyone else. “What can I do?” Castiel pleaded. “I want him to know I
never meant to hurt him.” His eyes were now trained on Sam, dark pupils
spreading wide while he looked to him for help to claw back Dean’s affection.
“Even if he doesn’t feel anything for me now. I owe him that much.” Sam didn’t
care if Dean was going to throttle him for what he was about to say. Castiel
deserved to know the truth as well.
“Cas, Dean loves you with everything he has. He never stopped thinking about
you.” Sam placed a comforting hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “He’s just scared.
Dean has this perfect memory of how you used to be locked in his heart. It’s
not easy to hold on to that when the reality isn’t quite so pretty.”
“Thanks.” Castiel tried to laugh but his face was starting to throb. Sam really
had given him a cracking shiner.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“He kept the dragonfly I gave him.”
“I know. Why does that surprise you?” Sam asked.
“Because he didn’t want me to claim him, Sam. I don’t understand why he would
tell me he did and then just leave without even saying goodbye.” Everything was
starting to make sense. No wonder Dean was so broken up.
“You don’t know how my dad was, Cas. You can’t imagine how hard it’s been for
Dean without you.”
Castiel’s chest vibrated with a sigh so deep it pitched all the way up to his
mouth.
“I think I can.”
“Sorry. Stupid thing to say.” Sam cursed himself for being so insensitive. “I
know how much you cared for him. Even as a kid, I knew the truth.”
“About what?”
“You were meant to be together. I did a lot of reading, Cas.” Sam wasn’t sure
how much Bobby told the boys back when they lived in Haven. Sam long suspected
being true mates was the only reason they must have suffered so much without
each other. Why Dean never searched for a replacement to fill the void. Sam
didn’t hint at anything more for now. Castiel already looked like he’d been run
over by a truck. “I knew something was off when he practically collapsed on me
this morning. Should have known only you could set him off like that again. He
needs you, Cas.”
“I tried, Sam.” Castiel murmured sadly. “He doesn’t want that.”
“Trust me, he wants it. You didn’t see him earlier. I haven’t seen him like
that since the time you went back to Peoria for a few days. His mouth might be
saying one thing, but his body’s saying something else. If you still love him -
really love him.” Sam warned. “Show him, Cas. Don’t let him go again.” Castiel
had no words to explain how much he adored Sam in that moment. He never got the
chance when they heard a sudden commotion outside that startled Sam back from
his little trip down memory lane. He practically sprinted to the open window
and peered down onto the street below, so intent on playing Cupid he almost
forgot Dean had run off. Delicate pheromones streaming out behind him like chum
in the water for all those hungry sharks circling the lobby. “Fuck.” Sam had no
time for anything more articulate when he rushed past Castiel so he could reach
Dean before he got into trouble. Something was terribly wrong and Castiel ran
after Sam without thinking, every feral instinct suddenly kicking in again when
he realized his mate might be in danger.
Sam made it to the main hall first and pushed through the edge of a restless
crowd that seemed to have gathered in the doorway. Dean was backed up against a
wall with both hands curled up in fists at his sides, just in case any one of
the many drooling alphas decided to try their luck. Sam wasn’t sure some of
them even realized what they were doing. Castiel recognized a few but no other
thought process registered in his mind except the raw urge to protect his omega
in heat. Sam might be built like a sasquatch but he didn’t have enough power to
scare off a bunch of lusting alphas. Castiel came to the rescue without a
single thought for himself. He clambered around the mass of bodies and threw
himself in front of Dean, every hackle on the back of his neck standing to
attention. He heard a soft gasp behind him when the spell on some of the other
men seemed to be suddenly broken, none of them prepared to face a challenging
and very possessive alpha who was prepared to fight against immeasurable odds.
Castiel was now protecting Dean with a ferocity that made him terrifying.
“Back off.” Castiel growled, holding one arm out to shield Dean from any
potential threat. "All of you."
“Novak?” One of the normal officers trying to intervene was watching Castiel in
amazement. Authorities expected it to go bad, but not like this. “What the hell
is going on?”
“I said back off. Don’t you dare touch him.” The man’s eyes slid behind
Castiel. He could see the metallic glint of tags still hanging from Dean’s neck
where they were shining in the sunlight.
“I know you’re not going to risk your badge for a fucking omega.”
Castiel dropped his head low and glared back with so much aggression in his
eyes, it was clear he was dangerously close to losing control.
“Try me.” Dean couldn’t stop staring at him. Something stirred inside just as
deeply as it had when he was young. An impetuous need to submit completely and
let his alpha take care of him, fearful of how weak he felt when Castiel was
standing in front of him with his teeth bared. Dean always believed as a boy
his Cas would never let anyone hurt him and now he knew he was right. Castiel
turned to look at Dean over his shoulder and stretched his arm out a little
more like it was his duty to defend him. “Take my hand.” Dean still felt
strangely reluctant to let Castiel dominate him quite so easily.
“I got this, Cas. I don’t need your help.”
“Dean.” Castiel wasn’t going to rise to it while they were still surrounded. He
met Dean’s gaze and held it without blinking, his deep voice so commanding Dean
didn’t even realize he was already reaching out to touch him. “Take my hand.”
As soon as their fingers bumped together Castiel curled his hand around Dean’s,
holding him so tightly the tips started to tingle. Castiel forced a path
through the stunned pack and didn't stop until he made sure Dean was safely
back inside.
“Since when do you care about omegas?” Dean wasn’t going down without a fight,
still determined to push down his growing desire to give in to the shameful
want crashing through his body. He didn’t let go. “Cas, you hunt us down and
now you want to save us? How the hell am I supposed to feel about that?”
Castiel didn’t answer while he continued to lead Dean back through the hall and
up the stairs. He never said a single word in response until they got back to
the hotel room. He eventually stopped just outside the door and turned to face
him.
“Dean, I need to tell you something.” Castiel admitted quietly. “Something to
help explain what happened to me. If you’ll listen.” Dean was almost
speechless. His wide eyes remained fixed helplessly on Castiel’s mouth while he
spoke, some of the doubt and uncertainty surrendering its hold over him when he
felt the warm promise of safety and an eternity of devotion slide from
Castiel’s fingers into his own where they were still wrapped tightly around his
trembling hand. He gave a little nod. Castiel took in a shallow breath, a
thousand words passing between them in that one beautiful, sincere smile.
As soon as they were sheltered inside, Castiel helped Dean onto the bed and
hurriedly backed away to keep some distance between them. All that testosterone
produced in a heartbeat when he was protecting Dean was still pumping through
him like a drug. He wasn’t sure he would be able to trust himself if he got any
closer.
“Okay.” Dean said blankly. “I’m listening.” He was still suspicious and
defensive, both arms folded rigidly across his body while he stared at the
floor. Castiel swallowed a couple of times but his mouth stayed uncomfortably
dry, his reputation for being a soulless dick left in tatters on the sidewalk
outside.
“I don’t care what the others think about me now I’ve found you again.” Dean
felt his stomach start to ache. Castiel hesitated, pushing away the little
spurt of changing scent so he could focus on what he wanted to say. “All this
time, I was looking for you.” Dean’s head jerked up. His heart almost gave out.
“You were?” Castiel nodded gently. “For how long?” Dean asked in a whisper.
Castiel was struggling to keep all his base desires hidden under the surface
when Dean was so close. “How long, Cas?”
“Always.” Castiel replied through a sigh. “Right from the beginning, Dean.
That’s why I joined up when I was young. So I could find you. I needed to know
why you left me, wanted to know what I did wrong so I could put it right.” Dean
could hardly breathe. All those wasted years Castiel had searched for him,
dedicated his life to the CORP just to get to him and make good on a promise
they once shared. He couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. “I took every case,
worked myself until I dropped with the hope I might see you again.” Dean was
watching him intently from across the room. “At first I made out I wanted to
hunt down omegas because I was a heartless bastard.” Castiel stopped for a
second to compose himself. His intentions had always been so pure, but many
years of crushing disappointment had left their mark. “Something in me got lost
along the way and one day I woke up and realized I had turned into everything I
always hated. I never knew you changed your name." He added thoughtfully. "No
wonder I couldn’t find you.” Dean was just blinking at him. “So now you know.”
Castiel dared another smile. “What happened to you all this time?”
“My life, Cas.” Dean finally managed, when his voice started working again.
“Mostly running for it.”
“Nothing I can say will take any of that away but I wanted you to know I didn’t
care what you were. You were my friend - that’s all that ever mattered to me.
Not being an omega. You were just Dean. The boy I loved more than anything in
the world.” Dean’s eyes flicked back up.
“You haven’t told me that in a long time.” Castiel’s scent mark once pushed
Dean to present, identifying him as the one he would claim someday. Every drop
of pulsing omega hormones made Dean want to stop resisting and let Castiel take
care of him. Nature had worked hard over the years to make sure he would never
be taken or claimed by anyone else. The close call downstairs was enough to
push a fiercely jealous alpha into searching out a panic room.
“I don’t like it, Dean. Some of the others have your scent now. We should keep
you somewhere safe.” Castiel was only acting on instinct and a little dose of
green-eyed monster but Dean took it as a personal insult.
“You want to hide me away like I don’t exist? Make it easier for you to update
your file.”
“Dean, that’s not what’s going on here.” Castiel replied. “I was scared for
you.”
“Scared for me? You sure about that, Cas?” Dean was still struggling to believe
Castiel could possibly have held on to all the love he once had for so long.
His mouth soon betrayed him again, decades of humiliation and mistrust falling
out. “You mean, you don’t want anyone to know your ex-boyfriend’s a split-
tail.” Castiel gave Dean a look that would have frozen dragonfly pond over.
“Is that really what you think of me?”
Dean didn’t miss the unhappiness in those hauntingly blue eyes.
“I don’t know.” He whispered. “I don’t know what I think.”
“Just because I joined enforcement doesn’t mean my heart stopped working. You
were the only thing I couldn’t lose, Dean. Why can't you at least try and
understand how I feel?” Dean ran a wet tongue across his bottom lip.
“I do understand, Cas.” He admitted at last. “I knew I would never - could
never.” Dean corrected. “Love anyone else.” Castiel started to move much
closer. “I didn’t want to. It didn’t seem right to even pretend to care.”
“I know. I haven’t either, Dean. I never looked because it wouldn’t be right.
If I had met someone or even kissed anyone else, I know I would have only been
thinking of you.”
“Never?” Dean asked faintly. Castiel just shook his head. “Why not?”
“Because I made a promise to you.” Castiel realized that wasn’t exactly what
Dean wanted to hear when his expression changed into something dark at the
memory of all those broken vows.
“You made a lot of promises, Cas.”
“It was the only one I could keep.” That did it. Dean could feel his chest
heave, desperate to stop his eyes from filling up again. To accept Castiel had
spent so many lonely years just trying to catch up with him was almost too
much.
“Cas.” Dean’s resolve was starting to weaken but all the sleepless nights had
already convinced him he would never give his heart away again. “It’s too late
to get that back. I can’t let you do that to me again.”
“It’s never too late for us.” Castiel longed to reach out and take Dean’s hands
in his own. “I know I hurt you, and I want to spend the rest of my life trying
to make it up to you. If you’ll let me.” Castiel was almost close enough to
kiss and Dean leaned forward without thinking. “I want to be able to fall in
love with you all over again.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Bang To Rights *****
46. Bang To Rights
Dean watched Castiel’s mouth while it formed all those sweet heartfelt
promises. Every word trying to tempt him in with a little bite of forbidden
fruit. Just enough to fill the hungry emptiness that gnawed away inside him
since he looked out across dragonfly pond for the last time.
Bobby warned Dean then how bad he would feel without his mate to care for him,
how deeply it would damage him despite being helpless to stop it. Bobby worried
about him all this time, wishing he had told the boys everything he knew about
true mates when he had the chance. His one lasting regret was never telling
Castiel he should have bitten Dean before they left Haven. Sam kept in touch
with him every now and then, a random phone call or a card on the holidays
sometimes but it wasn’t the same between them. Sam never asked Bobby outright,
but suspected he still harboured a lot of guilt about the way Dean’s path had
taken a dark turn after all the light in his life had been snuffed out. On the
rare occasions they actually got to speak, Bobby asked after Dean. The response
was always the same. Not so good.
Castiel was still gazing at Dean hopefully, his heart now pinned firmly on his
sleeve for all to see. Dean had no idea how to respond to such a desperately
romantic confession, so he did what he usually did when he couldn’t deal with
something. He ignored it.
“Yeah, well the name thing was Sammy’s idea.” Dean answered after a pause,
successfully managing to change the subject completely. “He didn’t want you lot
to know we were brothers. Winchester doesn’t even sound right in my head
anymore.” Castiel pretended not to be offended by the way Dean happily bundled
all enforcement officers together like he struggled to separate his destined
mate from the rest of a malicious threat he spent most of his life trying to
avoid. Castiel could still read Dean perfectly and didn’t want to push his luck
by proposing on the spot.
“I thought it was me who had a stupid name.” The memory of their first meeting
making him smile softly again.
“You do.” Dean replied. He wanted to let Castiel touch him so bad, but his
fragile vulnerability was hanging in the tiny space between them. Dean imagined
there might be something lurking underneath all that alpha perfection, luring
him in just to get close enough to delight in crushing his broken heart before
it even started to heal. They both finally started to open up a little.
Admitting to things they never thought they would. Dean wondered why Castiel
hurt so much if he never really wanted him anyway. He edged back until he was
pressed up against the wall. If Castiel decided to ravage him right there, he
had nowhere left to hide and Dean cursed the little voice in the back of his
head that was begging those alpha instincts to take over. Castiel didn’t want
Dean to think he was only after one thing, so he forced them away.
“What did I do, Dean?” Castiel sighed. “What did I do to make you hate me?” He
looked so sad, Dean felt his shoulders drop in sympathy. Some of the tension
fell away when Castiel was looking at him like Dean could somehow give him all
the answers he had searched for since he was a boy.
“Fucks sake, Cas. I don’t hate you.” That part was true at least, but Dean
couldn’t quite manage to say I love you either. “I just don’t understand why
you still care after what you did.” He looked away again. “If you really don’t
remember then I gotta admit, I’m disappointed.”
“You’re beginning to sound like my father.” Castiel whispered, not really
meaning to say it out loud. He regretted it as soon as he saw Dean’s face
crumple. “Sorry.” He muttered. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean that. It’s
just I swore nothing would ever keep us apart, but I failed you. I couldn’t
keep that promise and I’ve hated myself ever since.” Dean visibly paled at the
mention of Alex. Those last cruel words resonated in his head for years and
taunted him in his dreams. Those nights where Castiel was running up the bank
and out of sight forever when Dean knew he was never coming back, shooting
awake with his heart pounding until he realized it was only another nightmare.
Sam would claim to be asleep while he stared at the wall, patiently waiting for
Dean’s stilted breaths in the dark that meant he had finally fallen back into a
fitful dream.
“It doesn’t matter anymore, Cas. You can’t change what happened.” Dean said
quietly. “And you can never take it back.”
“Dean, I don’t know what you think I did but I’m trying to draw a line in the
sand here so we can leave all that in the past and be together. I thought
that’s what you wanted.” Dean shook his head. His commitment to omega rights
had sprung into life when the pain inside him turned into a passion for
something else to fill in the cracks of losing someone he cared about so
deeply. Years of conditioning were going to be hard to shake off but Castiel
had no intention of giving up so easily. “Whatever happened, it wasn’t your
fault.”
“Wasn’t it? I had to make a stand some time. It was wrong what they were doin’
and no one else seemed to have the sack to say it. I got Sammy in my corner.
Thank God for him. Little genius got me code green clearance. Don’t know how,
an’ I didn’t ask. He tried to save me.” Dean added, quickly snapping his mouth
shut. Castiel stared at him. There was no way he was going to let that one
slide.
“From what?”
“Cas, just leave it.” Dean tried valiantly.
“From what, Dean?”
Dean hung his head. A few seconds passed in silence before he bit back a
resentful reply.
“You, Cas. Okay? The memory of you.” Castiel’s mouth gasped helplessly around
something he couldn’t quite get out. He didn’t think it was possible to feel
any worse until that moment. “I knew a long time ago I was gonna have to make
it without you, and I can.” Dean couldn’t even convince himself that was going
to happen now he’d scented his alpha again. “At least let me think I can.”
Castiel reached for him again.
“You don’t have to. We were just kids, Dean and it wasn’t your fault.” Castiel
repeated, wishing he could have that time all over again. Dean couldn’t hold
his tongue any longer.
“Cas. Stop making out you care about me now just ‘cause you’re having a massive
guilt trip. Your dad told me what you said.”
“Sorry?”
“I know you didn’t want me anymore, but you might have had the balls to tell me
yourself instead of getting someone else to do your dirty work for you.”
Castiel always made Dean feel so safe, even when everything else around them
had gone to shit. He had learned to live without it. Castiel pinched his
eyebrows together in confusion.
“What? When?”
“Just after I agreed to let you bite me so we could stay together. He told me
you would never want someone like me and he was right, Cas. Why would you?”
Castiel was trying to get his head round why his father would tell Dean such a
vicious lie. It didn’t take him long to figure it out.
“My dad said I didn’t want you?” His dazed expression suddenly contorted into
anger. “That bastard. Dean, I would never. All I ever wanted was you.” Castiel
objected passionately. He slid forward again with a start, reaching out to
comfort Dean and show him how much he meant it. He ended up settled on his
knees in front of him. Every word, every gesture showing his omega how
desperate he was for forgiveness. Dean started to shiver again. Just being
alone together was hard enough, but if they touched Dean wasn’t sure he had
enough willpower left to stop Castiel from putting both hands down the back of
his jeans.
“I never wanted this, Cas.” Dean admitted at last. It seemed so simple to say
when Castiel was close enough to breathe in. “Being on opposite sides, I mean.
I was always really scared it would happen when we were young. Doesn’t make me
feel any better knowing I was right.” Dean twisted his hands together. He was
struggling to meet those damn eyes again. He could so easily get lost in them.
“Every minute since has dragged like a bitch.” Castiel swallowed a tense
breath. He knew exactly how Dean felt. The desire to kiss him was overpowering.
“Like I said, none of it matters.” Dean already resigned himself to spending
his life alone. “Somehow I don’t think I’m gonna get away with dating an
enforcement officer. We’re not kids now, Cas and we can’t be together like
that. We’re not free anymore.”
“No more than we were then. Even when it was just you and me against the rest
of the world, you didn’t care. That used to be enough.”
“Yeah, it was. When I was thirteen.”
Sam suddenly burst through the door, cursing his brother out for being such a
reckless idiot and putting himself in danger. Dean had subconsciously spread
his legs apart and Castiel was still kneeling where he’d dropped down between
them. His hand was already creeping up the inside of one thigh.
“Oh, shit. Sorry.” Sam mumbled into his hair when he turned away. He could have
made a career out of cock blocking. Dean had slowly slipped into a submissive
posture without even realizing it. Castiel was about to reply when his cell
rattled loudly in his back pocket where it was vibrating against his badge.
“It’s fine, Sam. I have to get this, sorry.” Castiel pulled out his phone and
moved away from the bed to speak to the caller in private, but Dean could still
hear some muffled protests. Castiel didn’t look very happy when he tucked it
back in.
“Damn it.” He sighed. “I gotta go, Dean. Super wants to see me.” Castiel had no
doubt why he had been called back into town. He was supposed to be rounding up
the case before all hell had broken loose downstairs and he made it clear where
his heart truly belonged. Sam stopped him before he reached the door and
dropped his voice low so Dean couldn’t hear him.
“Cas. Dean doesn’t hate you. Whatever he said, it’s all bullshit. Deep down
he’s still the same and I’ve always known you're the only one who would ever be
able to find that little boy again. It’s always been you. Don’t give up. I know
he still loves you. He’s never even looked at another dude.”
“He told me.” Castiel swallowed hard. “Thank you, Sam. Keep him safe for me.”
Castiel was torn between telling his superior to cram it up his ass and knowing
he would have to do as he said to make sure no one came after Dean before he
could get him away from there. He glanced over his shoulder to take one last
look at that beautiful face before he tramped off into the unknown. “Oh, God. I
don’t want to leave him.”
“I know, Cas.” Sam said kindly. “I don’t think he’s going anywhere. I’ll look
after him ‘til you get back.” Castiel wasn’t really listening but he gave Sam
an absent nod anyway. Dean had slowly pushed himself up and was swaying on
unsteady feet once that soothing aroma had moved away from him again. Castiel
couldn’t help himself, pulled back towards him with purposeful steps. He ran
one hand down Dean’s arm until he reached his fingers and gave them a squeeze.
“Stay here and stay safe.” It wasn’t a request. Castiel couldn't be sure what
fate awaited him when he returned to the precinct. “I’ll be back as soon as I
can.” Dean was suspended in front of him, his mouth slightly open like he
wanted to say something that was apparently stuck fast in his throat. Castiel
took a chance and leaned in. He just kissed Dean gently on the cheek despite
every instinct screaming to knot and claim that gorgeous omega before anyone or
anything dared to pull them apart again. “I love you, Dean - remember that.”
Dean lifted up one hand and innocently touched his face where Castiel’s
delicate kiss was still spreading warmth through his skin. Dean could only
manage to gasp out a breathless “’Kay.”
Sam wedged his tongue behind his teeth to hold back a smile. He had been
starved of entertainment for years and Dean was staring back at Castiel, wide
eyes blinking helplessly at him. He had fallen into the passive and obedient
mate he was always destined to be, just for a minute. It was adorable. Castiel
reluctantly dragged himself away and said a rushed goodbye to Sam. He waited
for the door to close before he started fishing for more information when he
remembered what Castiel said to him earlier.
“Come on, then. What happened? You never told me you asked Cas to claim you.”
“So?”
“So. I wanna know what he said to you.”
“None of your freakin' business is what he said.”
“Dean, no offense, but it is my damn business when I’m the one who’s been
picking up the pieces since I was like ten.” Dean licked his lips while he
thought about that for a second. In fairness to Sam, it was a valid point.
“Alright, fine. Long story short, his dad told me Cas didn’t wanna be with me
anymore just before we left that night. All this time, Sam. I thought Cas
wanted me out of his life, like he’d moved on. His dad lied to me. I guess
‘cause he didn’t think I was good enough for him.”
“And you never asked Cas if it was true?” Sam gaped in amazement. Only a moron
would take Alex Novak’s word for anything.
“No. I didn’t wanna hear it from him as well.” Dean explained. “Cas made so
many promises he knew he couldn’t keep. I just thought maybe he didn’t really
love me after all.”
“Well, I think you just got your answer to that. Shit, Dean.” Sam grinned wide
at his brother with excitement when an image of Castiel flashing his sharp
little teeth in defiance popped into his mind. “I thought he was gonna tear
those other alphas apart.” Dean’s hand was still resting on his cheek. He
didn’t even seem capable of contributing anything else, so Sam did most of the
talking for both of them. “If that’s true about his dad, it’s a special kind of
sick.” Sam pulled a face in disgust. “Why would anyone do something so
horrible?”
“Cas didn’t say. He didn’t look all that surprised.”
Sam nodded thoughtfully and left Dean to his own devices. He already decided he
was going to do everything in his power to make Dean realize he was still
hopelessly in love with Castiel if it killed him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
“Novak. My office. Now.” Castiel raced down town and already spent a few
precious minutes he couldn’t afford to waste standing impatiently in the
corridor. He was finding it impossible to concentrate, missing that boy like
crazy and scared shitless Dean was going to get gang raped before he managed to
make it back. Castiel knew he was overreacting but that possessive jealousy was
in danger of taking over completely. He sighed and traipsed after the Super
like he’d been called to heel. “Sit down.”
“I don’t want to sit down.” Castiel answered quickly. “I need to get back, sir.
I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on.” He was prepared to say anything just
to make sure Dean was alright. It bothered Castiel a lot more than it did Dean.
“I’ve been hearing some disturbing reports about your recent behaviour. There
are certain things that won’t be tolerated here, Novak. It’s not the image we
want for enforcement.”
“What things?” Castiel screwed up his face. He knew perfectly well what he
meant.
“The omega problem is getting beyond a joke. Some of them are trying to dodge
the system and do anything to avoid being part of the program. All this equal
rights crap is raging out of control so we want to put a stop to all the
madness and get them mated off as quickly as possible. The more submissive the
better. We have a duty to keep those whores compliant and stop them from having
any more babies. Some omega rebels with big mouths are implying the male ones
are something special, and dangerous lies like that need to be stamped out
before it’s too late. Then we can move forward with mass sterilization and help
the alphas gain complete control.” Castiel couldn’t give a shit about the cause
when he thought about how Dean’s warm cheek felt against his lips. How that
pliant body would feel under the caress of his fingertips now Dean was grown.
Castiel suddenly realized he must have drifted off again when he heard the
commander barking at his side. “Novak? Are you even listening? Jesus Christ,
man. What the hell is wrong with you?” Castiel didn’t even care enough to
defend himself. “You’re one of my best officers. You used to keep hunting like
a machine and now you can’t concentrate for more than two seconds at a time.
Carter told me you kept running outside to puke and now I hear you’re trying to
take on an army just to protect a worthless omega, and a male one at that.” He
added, with distaste. Castiel could feel a burst of anger rushing up inside him
but he managed to keep quiet. He couldn’t give Dean away and put him at risk.
“I can’t pretend to understand what it’s like for someone like you to deal with
all that hormone stuff.” He blew Castiel’s primal instinct off with a
dismissive wave of his hand. “But I’m not going to let a lovesick alpha ruin
everything we’re trying to do here. You make a decision and you make one soon.
Just remember I’m sure as hell not your little bitch so don't try and fuck me
like one. When you’re back to thinking with your head instead of your dick then
you’ll deserve to keep your goddamn star. In the meantime, you’re relieved of
duty until I get to the bottom of this pile of horseshit. Hand it over.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean looked like he was reliving a beautiful memory before he remembered Sam
wasn’t supposed to know he might have started to let someone back in. His palm
had stayed pressed flat against his cheek, cherishing the space where Castiel’s
kiss finally faded away like he could somehow stick it back on if he held his
hand there long enough.
“You alright?” Sam asked slowly, one eye slightly closed like sniper sights
trained on Dean just to make sure he wasn’t having some kind of psychotic
breakdown brought on by the unexpected shock of seeing Castiel again. “Let me
guess. You’re never going to wash your face again.”
Dean just told him to shut his hole and lay down on his side to get some rest
without the distractions of Castiel’s soft warm body and seductive scent. There
was a sense of peace inside him he hadn’t known for the last twenty years and a
lump in his throat that wouldn’t seem to go away no matter how many times he
swallowed it down. Dean had no idea Castiel was being given a chilling warning
to leave him alone or face serious consequences. His fertile body was still
begging to be claimed by his alpha. There was a desperate ache spreading down
his back and into his ass, and a seed of hope budding in his heart. It almost
washed away the fear that maybe his love for Castiel wasn’t buried quite as
deep as he thought.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** State's Evidence *****
47. State’s Evidence
Castiel slowly reached into his back pocket. He should probably be devastated
at having to kiss goodbye to his star but it had recently become nothing more
than a symbol of dishonour. Even though he only joined enforcement to search
for Dean, that job had been his life for as long as he could remember. Castiel
worked hard to craft a legendary reputation. None of that mattered to him
anymore. All he cared about now was getting back to Dean so he could look after
his omega and make sure he was alright. The desire to cosset and protect him
had returned from the second they met up again, even stronger than it had been
when they were children. Dean was now a sexual target on a scale he never
experienced before, and knowing his virtue was still intact just made him even
more precious. Castiel was determined he would be the only one to ever taste
that rich elixir packed to the hilt with ripe hormones that made his knot ache.
He never said a word in response when he handed his badge over and headed back
to the hotel with a single purpose. He was flushed and out of breath when he
surged through the main doors and practically threw himself up the stairs.
“Where’s Dean? Is he okay?” Castiel gasped anxiously, when he saw Sam pacing
the corridor alone outside the door to fend off any potential threat. Despite
his ridiculous size, Sam was no match for Castiel in terms of raw aggression
but he would have a damn good go at taking them down to the last man if anyone
tried to get to his brother. Castiel could have hugged him again.
“Shh, Cas. He’s asleep.” Sam visibly relaxed when he saw him, no longer having
any doubt Castiel would lay down his life to save Dean from harm. “That heat
has really taken it out of him. Actually, I think he’s still in shock.” Sam
added, in a whisper. “He never expected to see you again, so I guess his body
just gave out. He crashed about an hour ago.” Castiel sighed heavily and
propped himself up against the wall. Sam could see he was struggling to stay
upright. Looked like Dean wasn’t the only one suffering the intense effects of
being near each other again. “I wanted to talk to you anyway. Dean wouldn’t
tell me much, surprisingly, and there’s something I need to ask you.” Sam had
so many questions that demanded answers but insisted on staying on guard duty
and didn’t want to disturb Dean while he was resting. That meant the only
option was to loiter in the hallway.
“I’ll do my best, Sam.” Castiel answered honestly. He waited patiently for the
interrogation to start but Sam hesitated when he wasn’t quite sure how to
phrase it.
“I want to know what your intentions are.” Sam said sternly. His mouth was set
in such a tight line Castiel almost laughed. The look on Sam’s face reminded
him of John when he asked him the same thing all those years ago. Sam took the
tense pause that followed badly and folded his arms across his chest. It was so
unexpected, Castiel wasn’t sure what to say.
“My intentions?” Castiel asked. “I won’t do anything without his consent, if
that’s what you’re implying.” He added, with a frown. A sick feeling swept over
him when he wondered if Sam had been trying to protect Dean from him as well.
It quickly vanished when Sam spoke again.
“God, no. I don’t mean it like that, Cas. It’s just, you don’t know how he is.
It’s hard. I know finding him after so long must have really shaken you up. I
want you to be together, I do, but if you’re not gonna stick around then leave
it now before he lets you back in. He couldn’t take it again. It would be the
end of him.”
“Sam.” Castiel gave a little insulted gasp. Now it was his turn to get serious.
“I love that boy more than every single breath I take to stay alive. There’s
nothing I wouldn’t do for him.” Sam nodded with a smile. He couldn’t have asked
for a better answer if he’d written it himself.
“In that case, I’m with you all the way. Just don’t hurt him, Cas. That’s all
I’m asking.”
“Never. What did he say?”
“Not much.” Sam started. “He told me about your dad.” Castiel’s eyes darkened.
“Is it true?”
“Must be. Dean wouldn’t lie, and I never said those things about him. I don’t
have much contact with him, to be honest. Think I must have let him down by not
getting my PhD by the time I was fifteen - asshole.” Sam couldn’t really
remember Alex but it was clear no love was lost between them. “Now I hate him
for what he did to Dean.” Castiel said bitterly. “As if my own father would let
me believe Dean didn’t care enough about me to say goodbye.” He hadn’t had much
to do with his dad since he moved to New York but now Castiel was determined to
disown him and make him sorry for breaking Dean’s heart.
“Maybe you should let it go. You can’t change it, and holding on to that sort
of crap only makes you feel worse in the end. Trust me, I know.”
“No, Sam. He took something very special from me. I will never forgive him for
that.” Sam was watching Castiel carefully when he fell silent again.
“I don’t suppose it makes you feel any better, but we would have left anyway.”
Sam’s voice was much gentler now. “My dad was just scared and he panicked. He
doesn’t really understand how much you two needed to be together. He never
did.”
“I just feel like I’ve wasted most of my life thinking Dean didn’t want me.”
“Believe me, that wasn’t it. He’s never been right since then.” Sam dragged in
a deep breath when he thought about how complete Dean’s unhappiness really was.
“If anything, I blame myself.” Castiel stared at him, ashamed to admit he never
once considered how striving so hard for freedom must have affected Sam.
“How could any of this possibly be your fault?”
“I dunno. Maybe I should have fought harder, tried to help somehow. I never
imagined how much it would hurt Dean to be without you. I always wondered maybe
if you were mated by then, my dad would have let you come with us.” Sam was
suddenly overcome by emotion and could only manage a broken apology. “I’m so
sorry, Cas.”
“Sam.” Castiel protested. “You were like nine years old. You have absolutely
nothing to be sorry for.”
“Thanks, but I haven’t really forgiven myself for that.” Sam couldn’t openly
admit he probably never would if Dean kept refusing to give in to his desires
and let Castiel knot him. He didn’t need to. It was all right there in his
eyes. Sam was such a beautiful soul. Castiel really hoped one day karma would
pay him what was due. “It’s not gonna be easy but you just need to get him to
trust you again.” Dean had spent so many years buried under a heap of denial it
had left him hollow and bitter, weighing him down so low he would find it
almost impossible to get back up. “You know he has some special examinations
coming up to make sure he’s clean. Dean doesn’t want to go, of course.” Sam
gave Castiel a knowing glance. “I managed to keep him free of the sterilization
program. I haven’t told him yet, but I can’t hold them off forever. He’s a
priority case, being a dude an’ all. God knows, he’s lucky to have dodged the
bullet so far.”
“Shit, I forgot about that. I don’t know what to do, Sam. I can’t lose him
again.” Castiel confessed quietly. Being removed from the Smith case was a hit
he never expected to take. It felt like he was right on the edge of losing
control and concentrating on work was hopeless. “No one understands me.”
“I do, Cas.” Sam smiled. “And I’ll do what I can to help you get back together.
I just want Dean to be happy again.” Castiel felt his body start to give way.
The revelation Sam truly believed he might be the only one who could take away
all Dean’s heartache was the sweetest sound he ever heard.
“I had to hand in my badge today.”
“God, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I don’t care about the stupid job, Sam. I care about Dean. Nothing
else has ever been more important than him. I’m just scared I won’t be able to
protect him if I don’t play along and try to get it back.” Castiel found Sam
insanely easy to talk to. The agitation in his stomach started to fade a little
despite still being pissed at himself for risking Dean’s safety by going on a
macho rampage the minute his claim might have been threatened. “That program
sucks, but I don’t see why it would matter to Dean.” Sam wasn’t sure Castiel
was ready for the implications of why it definitely mattered to Dean, so he
edged in carefully with a subtle pointer.
“Cas, do you remember that book Uncle Bobby gave me?”
“You still have it?” Castiel murmured in surprise.
“Never leave home without it. Well, hotel room or whatever.” The specifics
weren’t really important. “Did he ever say anything to you about a true mate?
Do you understand what it means about being bonded when you were young?” Sam
was hoping his tactful hints might jog a fading memory.
“Not really.” Castiel answered vaguely. “I know he mentioned it once or twice,
maybe. Why?”
“I’ve been thinking about the way you kinda hurled yourself into the alpha
pit.” Sam’s eyes were shining again. “That was pretty bad ass, man. I nearly
shit myself.”
Castiel laughed softly.
“I don’t really know what came over me. I just saw red when I thought about
anyone else putting their filthy hands on him. I promised Dean once he would be
the only one I ever wanted. He’s mine, Sam.” Castiel said decisively. “I’m not
gonna let anyone else touch him. I’d die first.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“Wait. You think Dean is my true mate?”
“Don’t you?” Sam asked doubtfully. Even someone with no eyes could have spotted
that. “Cas, no one would have spent their life pining like Dean has if you were
just a teenage crush. You know how hard it was for you to be apart. One sniff
pushed him into a heat again and that hasn’t happened for a long time. The way
he looked at you earlier, pure submission. Dean isn’t exactly what I would call
flexible even on a good day. Don’t think I need any more proof.”
Castiel suddenly seemed to be having a hard time staying focused after all that
talk of flexibility and submission. His cheeks had turned pink and Sam was
trying not to stare at the angry bruise on his face. Castiel made a brave
attempt to hide it, but his whole body was aching like it did when he first
presented. He was fully mature in every sense of the word and his restraint was
gradually being sapped dry by a need that wouldn’t leave him alone until he
knew Dean was finally his. Castiel hadn’t thought about sex for so long he
could count the times he jerked-off on one hand but now he had breathed in his
omega in heat he couldn’t think about anything else. A dormant lust had been
violently kick-started by the arousing scent of Dean’s slick.
“I want to mate him, Sam.” Castiel burst out in a rush of air, when his hazy
mind was assaulted by a particularly mouth-watering image of Dean with both
legs wrapped around his back.
“Okay.” Sam drawled slowly, his mouth dipping down at both corners. “That’s
your pitch, is it? Just a bit of advice, but you might want to go in with a
slightly softer approach.” Sam felt awkward as hell giving relationship
counselling to a sexually charged alpha who could have had him for breakfast.
Now Castiel knew Dean might be in claiming distance his libido was so vast it
should have its own zip code, and Sam wasn’t sure how Castiel managed to keep
his dick in his pants when he was pinned between those trembling thighs. Such a
painful level of self-control said a lot about how much he cared for Dean. Sam
was actually quite impressed. “Not that I’m suggesting you go for no
commitments either, so maybe you should find some middle ground if you want to
win him over.”
“Dean always wanted us to get married one day.” Castiel smiled sadly. It had
been such a hapless dream when he was a thirteen-year old kid but now he would
have taken it in a heartbeat. Sam looked stunned.
“I didn’t know that.” Dean had once been blissfully open to the idea of them
being together forever. So scared how easily someone would be able to pull them
apart without that claiming bite. In the end it had just hurt more to be
without it, believing he had been abandoned by someone he loved. It wasn’t the
first time, but he made damn sure it was the last. He changed so much, Sam
hardly recognized him most days. “The world got so ugly, Cas. People making
decisions about things they don’t understand. It’s like fighting an army you
can’t see.” Castiel always said Sam was smart, but now he seemed to have a
natural understanding that would have made Darwin sweat.
“You’re right, Sam. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. Everything’s gone
to shit, and those recent blood laws are just a smoke screen for what they
really have planned.”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked fearfully. It finally occurred to him having an
inside man on their team would be a godsend.
“I don’t know for sure, but I have a terrible feeling they’re going to follow
it up with something even worse. The government want to put a stop to them
reproducing and passing on the omega gene. They don’t think it’s pure. Mate
them off so they don’t cause any trouble and then sterilize them. That’s what
the program’s for, I think, but you know a few are going to slip through. I
dread to think what they intend to do to the ones who get pregnant on
accident.” Castiel shuddered.
“But they won’t be properly mated unless they get bitten and not many of them
would offer their throats up now.” Sam didn’t think Dean would be particularly
willing to jump to the top of the list for that, even for Castiel.
Castiel was about to reply when he heard someone call his name. Carter appeared
at the end of the hallway with a junior by his side. Castiel was back in
terminator mode before the man even made it ten yards and thrust his body in
front of the doorway.
“What do you want, Carter? This area’s off limits.”
“Off limits, my ass. Save it, Novak. Everyone already knows you got canned.”
Castiel felt all the breath escape his lungs. His little outburst of berserker
fury must be the hot topic of conversation down town. He could only imagine the
level of character assassination mounting behind his back. Castiel going rogue
had stirred up a nest of confusion and disgust. Some of the other officers were
finding it very hard to understand how anyone with such a sterling record in
enforcement had been so easily swayed by nothing more than some instinctive
need to screw a tight ass. Carter cornered him just outside the door. “I’d like
to know what’s so special about him that he managed to tame you so quickly. A
male omega, really? If it’s true you gave up your star for someone who wears
bitch-tags then you’re not the man I thought you were.”
“No, Carter.” Castiel replied, as calmly as he could when someone showed so
much blatant disrespect for the man he wanted to claim. “I’m happy to say I’m
not. I really don’t care what you think. You wouldn’t understand.” Castiel
wasn’t sure how he would ever be able to paw back any kind of credibility now
but he knew he had to keep his mouth shut if he didn’t want to face being
charged himself. “Think what you like. I have my reasons for what I’m doing and
I’ll tell you this. Whatever you have planned for Dean, he won’t go down
without a fight.”
“That right?” Carter mocked. “So it turns out the one with the boy cock has
bigger balls than you.”
Castiel swallowed hard but he didn’t say anything more, repulsed by how readily
people had turned against him just because he loved someone he wasn’t supposed
to. Sam could see the situation was in danger of escalating to fever pitch if
he didn’t do something fast. Castiel was close to allowing his dominant alpha
to take over again if Carter made any attempt to open that door. Sam quietly
opened it up a crack and whispered for him to go in and watch over Dean.
“Lock the door from inside, Cas.” Sam warned under his breath. “I’ll see what I
can do to patch things up with enforcement.”
Castiel nodded gratefully and dipped through the gap, fumbling to flick the
lock as soon as it closed behind him. He leaned his back up against the door
and waited for his heart to stop thumping, the sound of Sam’s calming voice
drifting away down the corridor until it finally faded away altogether. Castiel
would never be able to repay him for everything he’d done to help them.
Castiel could just see the flawless outline of Dean’s body curled up on one
side. He had his back to him but there was no mistaking the steady rise and
fall of his shoulders while he slept peacefully for the first time in so long.
Castiel still thought he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He
shucked his jacket away and kicked his boots off, tiptoeing cautiously towards
the bed so he wouldn’t wake him. It suddenly seemed unbearably hot in there so
he stripped down even more until he was left in only a state issue t-shirt.
Castiel couldn’t resist all that soft temptation any longer and lay down
carefully behind Dean, his body quickly filling in the tiny spaces along every
dip until they fitted perfectly together. Castiel had taken Sam’s advice to
heart and forced most of his animal impulses away again. Dean was barely
conscious, and it wouldn’t be right to take advantage of him, even though he
smelled like heaven. Castiel reached up to stroke Dean’s hair with gentle
fingers. He stirred a little when his alpha slid the other hand between his
legs where they were pressed together and tugged him in. Dean just moaned
sleepily when he arched his body, instinctively pushing back against Castiel’s
hips until they were flush against the curve of his ass. Dean cried out for
Castiel in his sleep like he had so many times before but instead of the
familiar emptiness that usually came in the dark, this time he had possessive
warm arms around him and breathless promises skimming across the back of his
neck. Dean leaned into him.
“I’m here, Dean.” Castiel whispered, while he hushed him back to sleep. “I’m
right here.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Inception *****
48. Inception
Dean was still flitting in and out of sleep while Castiel held him close. He
suspected the sensual little gasps he was making were far from deliberate but
they were so stimulating Castiel started rubbing his hips against him,
desperate to feel the lure of Dean’s perfect ass pressing against his dick.
Castiel tried hard to stop his heart from shooting an abundance of alpha
hormones through his body when he felt Dean tremble under his touch. He dared
to lean in and drag his lips over the delicate skin at the back of Dean’s neck.
It slowly brought him back from an erotic dream and he stirred at the sound of
a warm familiar voice.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Castiel hummed. “I don’t bite.”
Dean turned quickly, suddenly yanked fully awake and defensive as ever. Castiel
closed his eyes with a sigh. It was the stupidest thing he could have said.
Claiming his omega was all he wanted to do when his mouth was so close to
Dean’s throat. He didn’t look very happy at the suggestion.
“Cas?” Dean mumbled, staring cautiously at Castiel over his shoulder. He seemed
surprised to see him, but didn’t make much effort to pull away. “What you
doin’?”
“Nothing.” Castiel replied, hurt by the look of suspicion in those green eyes.
“I just wanted to hold you.” Dean hadn’t felt so weak and defenseless for a
long time. He was still working through the impact of an unexpected heat and
attempted to mask the smell of his arousal by slipping over onto his back but
it was too late. Castiel was already stuck to him like a limpet. He was careful
not to demand anything else just yet, even when hidden thoughts were saying
something very different. Mine. All of it. The words echoed in his head, the
promise Dean made to him that fateful day making him selfish and possessive,
his fingers now stroking hesitantly over Dean’s stomach while it tensed under
his caress. So many years had passed since he longed for Castiel to mate him.
When they were children he begged for that but now he fought hard to block out
the want inside him, refusing to accept it after spending most of his adult
life trying to erase the memory of dragonfly pond. It still hurt too much to
let himself remember what it was like to be ripped away from each other after
Castiel marked him for bonding. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Castiel murmured,
disappointed Dean wasn’t prepared to give in to all those natural responses,
despite the sweet smell of honey tickling the inside of his nose. Castiel was
trying real hard to be understanding but building sexual frustration just made
him bitchy when his knot was so swollen and sore. “I don’t suppose you remember
but you promised one day you’d let me bite you.”
“Cas.” Dean said quietly. “Don’t.” Castiel reluctantly removed his hand.
“When we were young it was all we ever wanted and look at us now.” Castiel
forced a laugh. It wasn’t even funny.
“I never forgot that, Cas.” Dean admitted. Castiel was still looking into his
eyes. The light of innocence always shimmering through when Dean was a boy
wasn’t there anymore and Castiel felt his bleeding heart sink. “Something just
got lost along the way. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about you now. It
sucks for alphas to think they have the right to tell us what to do. I kinda
got used to being treated like a piece of crap. It’s hard for me to hear
someone actually thinks I’m worth something.” It didn’t sound like the Dean he
remembered, but Castiel imagined he had just become conditioned to relentlessly
spewing some psycho version of the Gettysburg Address.
“I suppose it must be.” Castiel replied patiently. It would take more than a
couple of decades of self-sacrificing bullshit to make him give up trying.
“That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop saying it though. You deserve to be loved,
Dean. You always did.” Castiel dropped onto his back so they were lying side by
side. He covered his eyes with one arm and let out a sigh so deep Dean almost
caved. “Even if it’s never returned.” Dean was watching Castiel carefully. He
still loved his alpha with every cell in his body but everyone he cared about
left him sooner or later. It was only a matter of time before Castiel realized
Dean wasn’t worth it. He couldn’t take the rejection a second time. His defense
mechanism soon kicked in again, and he pushed himself up from the bed.
“It’s not that.” Dean muttered, staring aimlessly out the window so Castiel
couldn’t see the pain in his eyes when he thought about all those shattered
promises. “You said we would always stay together so you could look after me.”
It was hard to forget the agony of being alone. “You didn’t keep me safe, Cas.”
There. He said it. Dean always wondered if his life would have been different
with a dominant alpha like Castiel to take care of him. A sensitive omega had
somehow been set free with that tender peck on the cheek. Dean was so mad with
himself for letting Castiel chip away at the ice around his heart with a single
kiss. “You were the only one I ever needed and you let me go.” Castiel finally
understood exactly why Dean was so determined not to let someone worship him
and wasted no time moving in behind. Castiel heard Dean's breath hitch when he
snuggled into his back and wrapped both arms around his waist.
“Dean, I tried to find you. I wanted to make it right, I swear.”
“That what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night?” Dean glanced over his
shoulder, scrambling to rebuild the crumbling wall that had bricked in his
emotions for over twenty years. “I’ll never let anyone claim me now.” Dean
would have given Castiel his throat in a heartbeat when he was young. Life had
beaten all the passion out of him. “There’s only one alpha I would have
submitted to and he obviously moved on.”
“Moved on?” Castiel asked, with his mouth open. “Are you fucking serious? I
never stopped looking. What more do you want me to do?” He pleaded, physically
turning Dean around to make him face the truth. “Tell me, Dean. I would do
anything to prove I’m still in love with you.” Dean confused the growing need
to feel Castiel’s body against his own again so completely everything came out
all wrong. He looked like a cornered animal.
“Joining enforcement is supposed to make me believe you love me? Screw you,
Cas.”
Castiel’s chest was heaving with fractured gasps of a desire he was struggling
to control. His powerful scent was unmistakable and the tense pause filled with
sexual tension. Dean deserved a gold star for trying to pretend how much he
definitely didn’t want to kiss that plump mouth. Castiel didn’t say anything
but he looked so devastated Dean suddenly launched himself across the small
space between them, pawing at his shirt to pull him closer. Castiel didn’t even
have time to take another breath before he was forced backwards when Dean
grabbed his face in both hands so he could hold him there. He pushed their
mouths together, licking and sucking at Castiel’s bottom lip until he soon
opened wide enough to let him inside. Dean reached down and frantically fumbled
with Castiel’s belt. He quickly undid the clasp, never pulling away from that
wet mouth for a second. He was kissing Castiel like he depended on each stroke
of his searching tongue just to stay alive. Any hint of foreplay or lovemaking
didn’t stand a chance compared to releasing all the pent-up need locked down
deep inside him since the day they parted. Castiel groped Dean’s ass with
greedy hands while Dean helped him pull off his shirt. He chased a seductive
trail of passionate kisses all the way down Castiel’s body until his mouth was
hovering dangerously close to the bottom of his stomach. Dean’s eyes were
beautiful, shiny as hell when he stared up expectantly with his lips parted in
invitation. Castiel hurried to unzip his pants and pulled himself free,
desperate to push inside and watch his dick disappear into Dean’s mouth where
he was now on his knees between Castiel’s legs. He spread them apart so he
could thrust in as deep as Dean could take him and tipped his head back. He let
the pleasure take over when he felt that first touch of Dean’s tongue lap at
the head, holding the base of his cock between his finger and thumb to guide it
in. Dean ran along the length with moist lips, nipping at the skin with little
bites as he moved his mouth up and down the rigid shaft. Castiel reached down
and twisted his fingers through the back of Dean’s hair, gently easing him
forward with as much restraint as he could manage when he had that warm space
wrapped around his dick for the first time.
Dean didn’t hesitate to open his mouth wide, tilting his head to pull the thick
alpha cock inside. Castiel could feel everything. Every swirl of the tip of
Dean’s tongue while muffled hums of pleasure vibrated against his skin. All his
canine senses heightened to precision when he hoped his claim on Dean might
finally be accepted. Castiel let Dean suck at him until the persistent tingle
that had tortured him all day suddenly crashed into a violent and
uncontrollable urge to breed. He dragged Dean to his feet and lifted him up by
his ass, impatient fingers digging hard into the responsive flesh of his thighs
while he carried him over to the bed and threw him down on his back. Castiel
climbed on top of Dean and quickly undressed him before swiftly ripping off his
own clothes so he could straddle the limp body of a willing submissive now
sprawled out beneath him. Dean’s gaze scanned Castiel’s naked body in awe. The
puppy patches had faded into a beautiful tan that highlighted the lines of
muscle where they twitched under his skin every time his dick jerked in
anticipation. Dean was no longer ashamed of what he was when he was lying
underneath his strong alpha. He ran a shaky hand down the defined chest,
fingertips lightly grazing the dark round nipples. Castiel groaned at the
sensation so Dean rubbed harder and pinched one of the pert buds between his
fingers when Castiel reached down and massaged the inside of Dean’s thigh with
the edge of his thumb.
Dean raised himself up to let his alpha kiss him again when he felt the caress
slink higher. Castiel held him close and forced his tongue into Dean’s mouth
again just before the tip of a probing finger slipped inside him. Dean pushed
against it, his own delicate omega cock now straining up to try and gain some
friction against Castiel’s stomach. The fresh heat triggered by their
unexpected meeting now stimulating oil glands inside Dean’s body to spurt a
rich amber sap that started to leak out in spades with the intensity of his
arousal. Castiel stroked seductive circles inside him but it wasn’t enough just
to feel the glide of it slip between his fingers. A budding memory of that
yummy slick tingled on the end of his tongue like he could still taste it.
Castiel carefully removed his finger and dipped his head. Dean drew in a sharp
breath when he sensed a determined tongue lap at the opening hole and curl deep
inside, blood-tainted slick flowing into his mouth and stirring something in
Castiel he never felt before. He wanted more. He had no idea just how receptive
Dean’s heat soaked body would be to a ball-load of virile alpha seed. Dean
always tried not to wedge himself into a stereotype but Castiel knew how
sensitive most omegas were. Deep down his sweetheart was still a lost and
insecure little boy whose heart never moved on since it was broken. Castiel
always seemed to know exactly what to say to make Dean feel like he was the
most precious thing in his life.
“You are mine, Dean.” Castiel murmured against his ass. He took one last lick
before forcing himself up. “You’ve always been mine.” That was the clincher.
Dean knew right there he didn’t have enough self-control left to stop his alpha
from mating him. He pulled Castiel down on top of him again, kissing him so
deeply he could taste his own release on his lips. “I’m gonna fuck you so
hard.” Castiel breathed against the side of his face. Dean moaned into his
shoulder when Castiel wildly jabbed his rock hard cock between the top of
Dean’s shuddering thighs and drooled into his ear. The desire to be inside that
sweet omega body was making his movements reckless and erratic. Dean was so wet
it kept sliding up his perineum and nudging against his little balls. Castiel
couldn’t hold himself back any longer and gripped his cock tight while he held
those rosy cheeks apart to get a perfect view of the glistening hole pulsing
with anticipation, ready for Castiel to force his dick inside.
Dean always loved it when Castiel talked dirty. It unleashed a raw need to be
dominated and Dean suddenly flipped over and keened forward. Heavy drops of
aromatic pheromones were slipping out of him to help Castiel sink into his
body. Glands painfully over-stimulated by the promise of being completely full
of an alpha he waited all his life for. Dean shuffled his knees up to his chest
and pushed his butt in the air. He presented wide and heard Castiel growl at
the delicious sight edging up to meet his eager thrusts.
Castiel ran the tip of his leaking cock down the middle of Dean’s ass until it
was dripping with slick. Dean opened up for him, pushing through the pain when
his omega hole devoured the entire length in one tight slide. Castiel’s hips
stuttered while he savoured the divine feeling of being inside that boy. More
amazing than he ever imagined. Dean encouraged him to move by pushing his body
back and drawing him in. Castiel held him still with one hand each side of his
hips, ramming into him so hard Dean had to bite into his lip to stop himself
from crying out. Castiel smoothed his hand down the middle of Dean’s spine
where it was curved into a perfect arc and held him fast by the back of his
neck while he pistoned into him without mercy, the only sounds the slap of wet
skin and grunts of unrestrained passion.
Castiel was lost to the desperation of mating Dean after years of pining for
him. It had pushed him over the edge and made him wildly impulsive. He couldn’t
seem to get deep enough to satisfy his instincts so he forced Dean to turn
over. Castiel hauled his legs up, hooking both knees over his shoulders to
drill into him with so much force Dean was pinned helplessly beneath him.
Castiel was now so immersed inside his body the curves of that beautiful ass
were pressed right up against his stomach. He was stretched around Castiel so
hot and tight Dean thought he was gonna puke, reduced to a whimpering mass of
compliant submission. The sight of his omega leaking slick and pre-come all
over the sheets was so sensual Castiel could feel the warning shiver of
completion threatening to make him come too soon. Dean looked positively edible
and the instinctive need to bite him had pushed Castiel into full possessive
alpha mode. He moved his hand down between Dean’s open thighs and smeared the
mess all over Dean’s cock until he was begging for release. Castiel spun him
back over so he could impale Dean on his growing knot, everything in his body
preparing to claim him. Dean was pliant and incoherent, delirious from his
building orgasm and a rush of motion sickness after being manhandled so
aggressively. Castiel knew he wasn’t going to last and grabbed at Dean’s hair
to drag him closer, sharp teeth itching to sink into all that unclaimed skin.
Dean could see the lustful intent in his eyes.
“Cas.” Dean suddenly gasped in panic. “Don’t bite me.”
Castiel grasped a handful of Dean’s hips and pulled him down hard onto his
throbbing knot. He was too close to shooting his load to stop himself from
locking Dean on top of him. He dug his fingertips hard into Dean’s skin and
pushed his hips up when he exploded inside him with a cry of pure ecstasy. He
was purring a string of breathless curses while the bulb quickly swelled and
pumped Dean full of warm spunk. Dean had already come all over Castiel’s
stomach. He collapsed on top of him, their chests moving softly together while
Dean rested his head in the dip of Castiel’s shoulder. He could feel his breath
brush against his cheek while his pounding heartbeat slowly subsided.
“I’ve wanted to do that to you for so long.” Castiel whispered. He had been
desperate to claim Dean as his own, but he knew how damaged he was. Sam warned
him to be careful not to freak his brother out completely. Castiel had to know
why Dean stopped him from taking that first mating bite, but he could wait. All
Dean needed right now was the gentle reassurance his alpha would always keep
him safe from that moment on and cherish every second they had together until
he was ready. Castiel stroked his hand lovingly up and down the middle of
Dean’s back while he continued to tremble above him, overpowering aftershocks
shooting up inside him and zapping his prostate like tiny bolts of lightning.
“God, I love you.” Castiel was close to tears when he pulled Dean down to kiss
his hair and hold him like he never wanted to let go. Sated and spent from the
breathtaking sex that surpassed all his expectations. He would have happily
been up for more if Dean wasn’t already falling asleep on his chest. Castiel
only just caught a sleepy reply.
“I know.”
Castiel woke up to darkness with a blissful smile on his face, the memory of
being surrounded by slick heat padding his once empty heart with happiness. His
body ached for Dean, and he slowly opened his eyes and stretched out to pull
his omega close. He sat up with a start when his hand clutched at nothing but
emptiness. The bed was cold and Dean was gone. Castiel reached across to flick
on the light in alarm. Everything was calm and quiet, the only evidence they
had bonded at all was the sorry state of messy sheets and a faint scent of
honey still hanging in the air.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Sixth Sense *****
49. Sixth Sense
Castiel jumped up, quickly hunting for discarded clothes. He was already
reeling from the impact of pumping out twenty-four years of longing and
struggled to stay vertical while he jerked on his pants. It hurt enough that
Dean refused to let his alpha bite him but disappearing in a proverbial puff of
smoke was so much worse. Castiel’s body was a patchwork of dried semen and
splattered slick, but all he could think about was finding Dean. He shot out of
the room, still frantically pulling on his t-shirt.
Castiel spent a couple of hours sleeping off the sex. The last thing he
remembered was his very messy omega stuck fast on top of him. Knowing Dean must
have run away after something so beautiful made him feel horrible and the
deserted corridor just fed an anxiety he hadn’t sensed so keenly since he ran
down to the pond on that last day. There was the same emptiness inside him and
it filled his heart with fear. A welcome drop of relief chased a few jitters
away when he peered anxiously over the balcony and saw Sam standing in the
lobby. Castiel bolted down the stairs as fast as his shaky legs would let him.
“Sam?” Castiel grabbed at his arm and swivelled him round. “Have you seen
Dean?”
“What? I thought he was with you.” Sam answered blankly, staring down at
Castiel in confusion. He was tied up most of the afternoon talking to
enforcement and fishing for information on a rumour of new developments in the
special program. Sam figured if anyone was safe to leave in charge of watching
his brother it would be Cas, seeing as he could hardly take his eyes off Dean
anyway. He wasn’t sure what had developed between them, but Castiel looked like
he was on the verge of hysterics. “What happened?” Sam asked, his own concern
for Dean quickly escalating when he remembered all those alphas drooling on him
earlier. “Did you talk?”
“Something like that.” Castiel felt his cheeks grow warm. “I need to find him.”
“Shit. I didn’t realize he’d run off again. I’ve been trying to get to the
bottom of this new legislation crap. I know something’s going on but no one
wants to share and it’s really starting to piss me off. Fucking enforcement
never listen. Oh. Sorry, Cas.” Castiel didn’t say anything. It was a perfectly
valid point. “Dean’s too fried to stay for the rest of the rally. I was hoping
to find out a bit more about it before we take off. I don’t know where we’ll go
next.”
“You’re not leaving?” Castiel stammered. He hadn’t given a thought to anything
beyond trying to persuade Dean to accept his claim.
“Well, yeah.” Sam replied casually. “We usually try to stay on the move.” He
realized his mistake when he saw Castiel’s mouth drop open. He looked so upset
Sam felt compelled to say something else. “I just presumed you might come with
when you and Dean are mated.”
“You really think that’s a possibility?” Castiel couldn’t stop a hopeful smile
erasing many lines of distress.
“’Course. He’s crazy about you, Cas. Can’t you tell?” Pulling out some ninja
moves to slide off his knot while he was asleep and vanish without a trace
wasn’t a very convincing argument.
“Not really.” Castiel answered honestly. Dean had sent so many mixed messages
since they met back up he didn’t know what to believe anymore.
“I could throttle him for disappearing again.” Sam sighed, scanning the lobby
for some sign of his brother. “He needs a frigging leash. Like I haven’t got
enough to do today. Still, mapping out that new pregnancy law should keep those
dickless assholes busy for a bit. Shit, sorry.” Sam cringed again. “No
offense.”
“None taken. I’m not sure I still have a job anyway, Sam.” Castiel shrugged.
“Not that I care. I’m just scared I won’t be able to help you keep Dean safe
without that damn star.” He was finding it difficult to adapt to how vulnerable
he felt since he was forced to hand it in. He had no power without it. Sam
suspected Castiel was thinking about trying to get it back.
“It’s not for me to say but you should let Dean know whatever you do, it's for
the right reasons. You know what he’ll think if you don’t say anything. Staying
in enforcement is something only you can decide. So long as it doesn’t hurt
Dean, I won’t judge you for it.”
“Thank you.” Sometimes Sam’s limitless faith in him made Castiel feel very
small. “I don’t know what to do for the best.”
“Well, let’s clear up one mess at a time. You can start by checking some of the
rooms. I’ll have a quick scout outside and meet you back here in a half hour -
with or without him.” They split up and headed off in opposite directions.
Castiel could feel his heart racing faster with every minute that passed and
Dean hadn’t materialized. He was still missing by the time they were supposed
to meet up again. They reluctantly agreed there was no choice but to sit and
wait until he decided to come back. Castiel’s jealousy was even more intense
since they physically bonded. It took Sam several minutes to calm him down
enough to convince Castiel nothing bad would happen to him while Dean was out
there on his own. The conversation soon got drawn back to what the hell they
were going to do about keeping enforcement off their backs now Castiel’s
reputation had taken a serious pounding. Sam had been thinking for a while
about putting himself forward for a position in state court to try and get the
policies changed. Castiel listened to him in amazement. He always knew Sam
would aim high, but challenging the entire system took some sizable balls.
“I admire your optimism.” He smiled, when Sam finally finished laying out his
plans to make the future a place where Dean and Castiel would be able to build
a life together. A life without fear and injustice.
“Someone has to do something, Cas.” Sam spat bitterly. “Dean can’t take much
more and I’ll be damned if I’m just gonna sit around and let the government
finish him off. Checking to see if they’re clean.” Sam tutted in disgust when
he added a couple of little air quotes. “It’s so insulting. They’ll be branding
them next.” His tortured expression seemed to fade away when he glanced over at
Castiel again. “I was kinda hoping Dean might have someone else in his corner
now.”
“Always.” Castiel replied, without a second of hesitation. “I just want him to
give me another chance. I love him so much, Sam.”
“I know you do. Give him time. Dean’s always had his own little shit list of
abandonment issues. I don’t think it’s all you, Cas. Mom leaving him hurt more
than he lets on. I don’t really remember her but I know Dean misses her
sometimes. Thinking you didn’t want him either was just one hit too many.
Sorry.” Sam apologized again. His foot seemed to have recently got well and
truly lodged in his mouth.
“I don’t blame you, Sam. It’s not your fault, or Dean’s. He doesn’t deserve any
of it.” Castiel decided to change the subject rather than thinking too hard
about something so unspeakable. “What about your father, Sam? Do you see him
much?”
“Not really.” Sam shook his head. “He moved back to Haven for work a few years
ago when me and Dean left home. He only rented out the old place on Eighth
Street while we stayed with my mom’s family. Maybe he didn’t think hiding Dean
was his responsibility anymore. Not that it really made any difference.” Sam
added sadly. “He still ended up with those damn tags round his neck and my
dad’s still a drunk.”
“At least he’s not just an asshole when he’s sober.”
Sam nodded. Not that it made him feel any better.
“I really am sorry about what happened. Things could have been so different.”
Sam sighed. Castiel was trying not to let the past cloud his judgement now he
had another chance to keep Dean close and do everything he could to win back
his heart. He didn’t reply. “I don’t know, Cas. The whole system sucks but some
of the stuff they were saying about that new exam just puts me on edge.
Something doesn’t feel right. Everything inside me is screaming not to let them
take him. Maybe it’s best if we try and lay low for a bit. We still got a few
months grace before he’s due to report in.”
“What stuff?” Castiel frowned. “What did you hear?”
“I hate to say it, but I think you were right. Those blood laws were just a way
of getting all their DNA on a data base. They’re going to use it to try and
make sure they don’t breed by matching them up with a suitable mate. Whatever
that means.” Castiel felt the dread rising up inside him with what Sam was
implying. If Castiel couldn’t persuade his true mate to get bitten soon it
might be too late. “Dean probably thinks he’s not good enough for you. I
suppose he wonders why you would want him. Not many alphas look for an omega to
claim now.” Sam sighed. “Too much paperwork.” He wasn’t exactly helping and
decided it would be better if he kept his mouth shut for a bit. Castiel dropped
his head into his hands, despising everything his badge once stood for.
“I don’t know why anyone would think like that. Dean’s special. It’s about time
people recognized it.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Bobby once warned the boys male omegas were only fertile in heat, but that
wasn’t it. Dean’s self-doubt erupted when he realized just how close he came to
letting Castiel bite him, almost giving in completely to a seductive caress and
a tempting promise of forever. He jerked awake in panic, fixed on Castiel’s
knot with his alpha holding him tight, clingy and possessive. It scared the
shit out of him and Dean escaped that warm embrace as soon as Castiel’s swollen
desire had gone down enough for him to slip free. The inherent need to be loved
and cared for pushed Dean to question everything he believed in, making a
mockery of a cause he followed tirelessly for years. Attaching every emotion to
his alpha too fast when he was young only rewarded him with a lonely childhood
and a broken heart. Dean was going out of his way to avoid throwing himself
back into a romantic relationship with Castiel. The blinding fear of getting
dumped again just wouldn’t leave him alone. He finally mustered up enough
courage to make his way back to their hotel room. Castiel was about to suggest
they should go out and look for him again when they heard the door creak open.
“Dean, where the hell have you been?” Sam shouted at him. He hadn’t meant it to
sound quite so accusatory but he was worried. Sam didn’t know Dean’s heat had
been satisfied for now while Castiel’s sperm were still swimming around inside
him.
Castiel rushed past Sam before Dean had chance to answer and was all over him
like a rash, frantically checking every inch to make sure he was alright and no
one else had dared touch him. Sad green eyes moved nervously between Sam and
Castiel. Sam knew for sure something definitely happened in his absence and he
wasn’t dumb enough to think they were holed up together for hours just
discussing social politics. Even Sam recognized Castiel’s smell now and Dean
was covered in it. The same claiming scent he had when they were children. Sam
couldn’t quite place its significance, but the cogs in his head were slowly
turning. The way they looked at each other reminded him of Castiel as a young
presenting alpha when he first started to produce a specific pheromone designed
to attract his true mate. Sam suspected that scent had always been unique to
Castiel. Something clearly triggered a release of omega hormones in his
brother. His cheeks were flushed, hazy eyes struggling to focus on some
imaginary point in the distance. Sam thought Dean looked like he was
practically glowing. Castiel’s hands were everywhere and Sam’s mouth hitched
with amusement at how soon Dean was shivering under his touch like nothing else
existed beyond that little world of searching blue eyes.
“We need to talk.” Castiel whispered, leaning in even more and stroking the dip
in Dean’s back where one arm was now draped around his waist. Dean’s gaze
suddenly flicked up to take a sneaky glance at Sam to see if he was still
watching them.
“No we don’t.”
“Dean.” Castiel said softly, determined not to chase him off again. “Stop it.”
The memory of how wonderful Dean’s body felt against his skin was instinctively
drawing him closer. Sam coughed loudly behind them.
“I’ll… er. Just remembered I left something at reception. Might be a while.”
Castiel turned to look at him over one shoulder, giving Sam a grateful smile
when he crossed his fingers in the air before quietly closing the door behind
him. Dean seemed even more uneasy now they were alone together. Castiel hoped
it was because he couldn’t trust those passive instincts anymore but he
couldn’t be sure. His senses were all screwed to hell when it came to reading
how Dean really felt about him now he was grown. Castiel thought he made it
pretty clear he would stop at nothing until he finally claimed that omega as
his own. It took him a few indecisive seconds to ask why Dean left him all
alone in bed.
“Why did you leave?” Castiel forced out. “You scared me.”
“Sorry. I just wanted to clear my head. You don’t have to watch out for me now
just 'cause I said you never kept me safe.” Castiel could tell Dean was sore
about something and decided to tread very carefully so he wouldn’t freak him
out again. “I got used to being without you.” Dean was still haunted by those
ruthless words Alex crippled him with the day he left Haven behind. “I don’t
wanna hold you back, Cas. I never did. You could be anything you want to be.”
So that was it. Dean had such a low opinion of himself, he still believed with
all his heart he would only be a burden to an alpha like Castiel. Someone to
drag him down and fuck up his life.
“How could you possibly hold me back when you’re all I ever wanted?” Castiel
inhaled a sharp breath. “I can’t imagine the rest of my life without you and
I’m not going to let you just walk out on me again, if that’s what you think.”
Dean dropped closer and let Castiel circle his body with strong arms. Holding
him up when he fell limp in a covetous hug. He couldn’t seem to help it. The
submissive in him was so desperate to be lavished with attention, Dean wasn’t
sure he could fight it much longer. Castiel breathed in his own scent where it
still clung to Dean’s throat. His nose gave a little twitch. “You okay? You
smell weird.” Castiel’s heart skipped a beat, but he soon put it down to Dean’s
heat subsiding after they bonded. He was quickly distracted by the sensation of
a supple omega body pressing up against his chest.
“I’m fine, Cas.” He thought that might class as a lie but Castiel was trying so
hard, Dean didn’t have the heart to tell him how hot and dizzy he felt. He
didn’t need to. Castiel could see he was struggling and helped him back to bed.
Dean perched right on the edge. Spreading himself out on top would be too much
of a temptation to let Castiel slink in next to him again.
“Dean.” Castiel started slowly. “I've been thinking I might have to try and get
my badge back so I can help you and Sam.” He saw Dean’s mouth flex into a firm
pink line like he wanted to say something that wouldn’t come out. Dean was
unnaturally quiet since he returned. “I need you to understand whatever I do is
only to protect you so we can stay together. I love you, so please don’t ever
doubt where my loyalty lies.” Castiel knew Dean might never have enough freedom
to make that choice. He hoped Sam meant what he said and intended to do
something about it. True mates couldn’t take being away from each other for
long and so many years apart had left some serious damage Castiel wasn’t sure
he could heal. He never wanted life to change Dean into someone he wasn’t. He
always liked him just the way he was. “Hey, do you remember how we used to
cuddle up and watch the dragonflies?” Dean nodded gently when Castiel slipped
one arm around his shoulders. Dean didn’t even try to pull away. He remembered
perfectly. Every single second they were lucky enough to spend together that
summer was burned into his memory. Dean wished he could bring himself to say
those three little words to make Castiel understand how much he still cared
about him. “I just want to look after you.” Dean nestled hesitantly into
Castiel’s side while he begged for another chance. “Please let me try to make
you happy again. It's all I’m asking.” Dean swallowed hard when he eventually
glanced up and answered with a shy blink.
“Okay.”
All the air in Castiel’s lungs was pushed out in a massive surge of relief. He
pulled Dean so close he was squished up into a ball while Castiel hugged him.
Dean let his alpha rub the tips of his fingers up and down his arm while he
planted little kisses in his hair. “You sure you’re okay, sweetheart?” That
last word slipped out on accident but Dean didn’t correct him. Castiel could
smell his own musky scent still clinging to soft omega skin, but something else
was there too. He couldn’t explain why but it made him feel all warm and
protective.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** True Blue *****
50. True Blue
Dean wasn’t even close to okay, and that word only made him feel weak inside.
Castiel hoped Dean didn't think he was too much of a hard ass now to be petted
by a horny alpha or try and dismiss so much open affection. He was always
deliciously receptive to it as a boy but things were different now. Dean hadn’t
slapped him, or told him to fuck off just yet so Castiel dared another play for
dominance.
“I’ll do my best to watch over you, Dean. You have my word.” Dean nodded again.
He couldn’t seem to look Castiel in the eyes, tensing when persistent fingers
ran all the way down his back and dipped inside his jeans.
“So, what did you wanna talk about?”
“About us, of course.” Castiel frowned, pulling his hand free with a sigh.
“What else matters?” Dean didn’t have an answer. Nothing else ever mattered.
Castiel could see all the fight go out of him and leaned in close, licking at
his neck and rubbing his nose behind Dean’s ear. He smelled so wonderful since
Castiel spilled into him, he could hardly drag himself away. “I know you don’t
trust me like you used to, not completely.” Castiel added quickly, when Dean
opened his mouth to protest on principle. “I do understand. I can only imagine
what you must have thought when you found out I joined the CORP.” Castiel
resumed the delicate movements up and down Dean’s skin and curled one hand
around the top of his thigh when he pulled his omega in again. “I want you to
believe in me, Dean. You’re my priority now. Don’t ever forget that.” Before
Alex cornered him that day, Dean never once questioned Castiel’s devotion, but
a stack of classified files and a shiny star sure hadn’t helped to kick fresh
doubt away.
“It’s not that.” Dean admitted. His voice was so quiet Castiel guessed
something had really upset him. He didn’t know Dean felt sick as a dog and
hardly dared open his mouth in case something gross came out, but patient
silence wasn’t exactly his usual m.o. and Castiel was starting to get worried.
“Even if we wanted to be together.” Dean continued slowly. Castiel wasn’t sure
why Dean would even say that when he just agreed to let his alpha court him
again. “I’m not stupid enough to think enforcement are just gonna let you melt
down my tags into a promise band. It’s not adopt-an-omega day, Cas. It doesn’t
work like that.”
Castiel didn’t care what anyone said. He was going to do everything he could to
make sure no one ever took that boy from him again. Dean didn’t seem to share
quite the same confidence in looking forward to a rosy future free from
persecution. They were both finding it hard to readjust after so many years
believing they would have to spend a lifetime apart. An emotional bond of blood
tied them together a long time ago but without a mating bite their natural
cycles were all messed up. Nature pounced on that one chance to complete their
bond and make sure Castiel gave Dean a pup. He hadn’t had a full heat for years
and the huge sexual appetite Castiel had for his omega as a teenager was
resigned to jacking-off occasionally when he couldn’t stand the frustration any
longer. He didn’t even enjoy it. Now he had the memory of sinking into Dean
like he was made to take his knot, nothing else would ever satisfy him so
completely again.
Castiel had no idea Dean was already sheltering a precious seed of hope inside
him. A tiny life that would one day bind them together and change everything.
The boys once dismissed the idea anyone could just go round taking people’s
blood but now it was a reality and the implications were terrifying. Castiel
suspected there was a hidden agenda, but that heavy stuff was well above his
pay grade. Even the senior officers didn’t have that kind of clearance and
everything he picked up in the last few months was based on rumour and snatches
of hushed conversations down town.
“Screw what enforcement think, Dean. They don’t know you like I do.”
“Doesn’t seem to matter.” Dean murmured. Castiel always made him feel like he
could tell him anything. “Sam said they want to wipe us out, Cas.” Dean never
understood why society viewed him as such an abomination but he’d be damned if
he was going to take it lying down. For all his mouth, he really believed there
must be something horribly wrong with him. “Not like literally… but I dunno.
Maybe they’re right. I don’t deserve the same respect as everyone else.”
“Yes, you do. I don’t care what anyone else says about omegas. You’ve always
been beautiful to me.” The way his eyes were shining with so much unconditional
love, Dean knew he really meant it. He could feel his bottom lip start to
tremble.
“You know, I told myself for years I didn’t care that you didn’t want me, but I
did. I’ve really missed you, Hawkeye.” He hadn’t noticed he was suddenly
leaning forward again. Castiel was stroking the side of Dean’s face with his
thumb while he cradled his cheek in one hand. So different from the frantic raw
sex that took him over before. Each touch was full of love and tenderness,
every sweep of Castiel’s tongue gently licking away all his insecurity.
“I’ve always wanted you.”
Dean let Castiel kiss him again while one hand was drawn instinctively to
Dean’s stomach, rubbing his palm in calming circles while he hummed into his
mouth. Castiel could have stayed there forever, subconsciously comforting the
little puppy that was already growing beneath his fingertips. They suddenly
jumped apart when Sam pulled his usual stunt and forced the door open with the
awesome talent of always appearing at the worst possible moment.
“Cas, can you spare a few? I need you to come and back me up.” Sam stopped
short when he saw how close they were. His mouth pulled down into an arc when
he realized his timing was for shit.
“I can’t right now, Sam.” Castiel replied politely. “I’m looking after Dean.”
Sam blinked wide. He needed Castiel to help him talk to one of the officers
downstairs and wasn’t sure Dean really needed looking after anyway. He managed
to fend for himself for two decades without being stalked but Sam could see
Castiel was determined to be glued to his side and mirrored Dean like a shadow
every time he moved. Sam was scared he was going to suffocate him if he stayed
there much longer.
“That’s real nice, Cas but he needs to be able to breathe, buddy.” Sam strode
over and took his arm, gently pulling him up. Sam thought Castiel seemed much
more clingy. Driven by some inexplicable urge to stay close in case Dean
suddenly needed him. Sam was dying to ask. Dean would likely have his hide for
it later, but he just couldn’t stop himself.
“So are you guys like back together?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Dean.” Castiel warned softly. He didn’t mind letting Dean wallow in his pool
of denial a bit longer. “I’m working on it.” He whispered to Sam, willing to
take a compromise for now. “I’ll try to help but I don’t want to leave Dean on
his own for too long.” Sam indulged his friend with a sympathetic smile. It was
a really weird thing to say after so many years without him. There was
definitely something else going on there but he didn’t have time right then to
put all the pieces together. Sam had to get back downstairs before anyone
figured out he had a federal officer wrapped around his little finger.
“Cas. Dean’s fine, and if you really want to help then find somewhere safe for
him so he doesn’t have to keep going through those fucking examinations. I’m
serious about wanting to change the system, but I can’t do it on my own. I need
an inside man.” Dean’s eyes flicked up in alarm. Putting his own neck on the
line had become second nature but he wasn’t going to let his brother drag
Castiel down with them. It wasn’t fair.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. They won’t be quite so forgiving next time if
they know you helped us, Cas.”
“I don’t care. I’m going to get my badge back. It’s the only way I can take
them down. We don’t stand a chance without it.” Castiel was soon drawn back to
Dean, kissing him tenderly on the lips while Sam stared at the ceiling. He left
Dean sitting on the bed with his mouth open and his eyes closed like he could
still taste him on the air. Castiel just caught hold of Sam’s arm when he
passed him.
“Swear you’ll keep an eye on him for me. I’ll talk to the other officers with
you when I get back.”
“I’ve been keeping an eye on him since I was nine, Cas.” Sam replied. “Pretty
sure I can handle it.”
“I know. Sorry.” Castiel shook his head when he realized how stupid that
sounded. He just longed for some reassurance to pin down the butterflies that
felt like they were constantly assaulting the inside of his stomach. He hated
being away from Dean at the best of times, but now it made his whole body ache
to think about having to be separated again, even for an hour or two. How the
hell he managed to survive that long without him was anybody’s guess. “So long
as you watch out for him, I’ll be okay. Suppose I’m gonna have to go straight
down the precinct and kiss my super’s butt. I’ll probably throw up in my mouth,
but you’re right. I have to do something. I never realized what it’s like to be
so powerless.” Castiel pushed away a disturbing little glimpse of what it must
be like to live in Dean’s world.
“Sure, go on. I’ll keep him out of trouble ‘til you sort it.”
“Thank you, Sam. Just promise me you won’t let him leave again.”
“We’re not going anywhere yet, Cas.” Sam smiled. “He’ll be alright.” Sam wanted
Castiel to get some intel on what CORP were planning. He overheard some
sinister hints downstairs he decided not to share with his brother while he was
still dazed from the shock of seeing Castiel again. They needed to find a place
to go and wait it out until he had no choice but to show up for testing. Sam
was secretly hoping the authorities would leave Dean be once he passed the
preliminary screening. “Cas?” Sam whispered, as an aside. “See if you can dig
up anything on the special program while you’re there. I heard one of the
officers say if an omega isn’t clean they’re going to find somewhere to send
them.” Sam didn’t specify but he would have bet his sweet ass it wasn’t going
to be anywhere nice.
“What the hell does that mean?” Castiel suddenly panicked. The best most
government facilities provided was three square.
“I thought you would know more than me.” Sam shrugged. “What do enforcement say
about it?”
“Nothing.” Castiel sighed. His eyes kept sliding back to the bed. The built in
duty to defend his expectant mate like a guard-dog was so distracting he
couldn’t really concentrate on anything else. “Not to me anyway. I’m just a
badge on the ground, Sam. That sort of power goes right to the top. Why would
they want to do something like that?”
“I suppose they don’t want anyone to know a few might have slipped through the
system. Makes them look like they have no control.” Castiel hated having to
betray someone he really cared about just to get his star back, knowing he was
going to do his best to convince his superiors he was a company man until they
could move on. He ran over some potential excuses in his head while he headed
back to town, not sure how he was going to explain why he used himself as a
human shield to protect a troublemaker like Mr. Smith.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean felt even more uncomfortable when he was left alone with Sam. He kept
looking at him with a kind of smug satisfaction that made Dean want to poke
him.
“Well? You gonna tell me, or do I have to guess?” Sam asked, when he thought
Dean had probably suffered enough of his brooding silence. “I know something
happened with Cas. You’re miles away, and irritable as all hell.”
“Sam.” Dean sighed. “I know you’re trying to help and everything, but this is
all bullshit. Me and Cas and purity exams got nothing to do with anything and
we got bigger fish to fry right now. Why don’t you put all that effort into
getting people on side so we can actually do something about it?”
“Dean.” Sam groaned. “That damn exam is the bigger fish and we need Cas. Don’t
upset him.” Sam wasn’t very happy Dean soon turned back into a bitch without
that warm and undeniably sensual presence at his side. The second Castiel left,
Dean felt like he’d been plucked from his perfect castle in the sky and dropped
back down to earth with a bump. “You have to give him a chance. He didn’t do
anything wrong and he’s still begging you for forgiveness. He’s trying so hard,
Dean.”
“I know he is. Being with Cas again is real nice an’ all, but it’s not what I
do. Fighting is what I do.”
“Then why lead him on?” Sam was livid. He had been encouraging Castiel
shamelessly every step of the way and was going to look like a world class dick
if it was all for nothing. He was so mad with Dean for constantly switching his
emotions on and off like he did. Sam still remembered the pathetic cries in the
dark, and the way Dean looked at his alpha again like Castiel was the only
thing in the universe he could see. “That’s just cruel.”
“It’s not like that.” Dean still worshipped Castiel more than he could ever put
into words but no amount of wishful thinking was going to make everything
alright. Nobody ever won a war by playing house. Dean was so oblivious to how
easily he slipped into his role as a dewy eyed submissive when Castiel was
close. As soon as he was out of sniffing distance, that ballsy omega with an
axe to grind was back in control and Sam couldn’t keep up with such ridiculous
extremes. Dean was slap bang in the middle of a tug of war between his head and
his heart and even he didn’t know which one was on the home stretch.
“Cas is on our side, Dean. All I’m saying is if we don’t do something soon
there’s not going to be anyone left to come to these conventions.”
“You don’t know how worried I am about him trying to get his badge back.
They’re not gonna trust him. 'Specially after what he did earlier. I’m scared
enforcement might do something bad.”
“Cas is a big boy now, Dean. He knows what he’s doing.” Dean slowly picked
himself up and struggled to the window. Sam could see him scanning the street
below, hoping to catch one last look at his alpha.
“But I’m not fucking worth it, Sam. I don’t want Cas to lose his job because of
me.”
“Why don’t you let Cas decide if you’re worth it, Dean. Stop shooting him down
just because you’re frightened to let him back in. This is getting serious.”
“It’s always been serious.” Dean argued, completely glossing over the fact Sam
could read him like a book without even having to try. Dean was terrified of
how fragile Castiel made him feel. “Even when we were kids people were spouting
all that equal rights stuff. Nothing’s changed, Sam.”
“Then let’s change it.” Sam knew the elections were coming up for seats in some
of the smaller districts. A rare shout out to a fading democracy that was the
only thing keeping omegas free to walk the streets.
“What do you think I’m trying to do?” Dean shouted back. He was already
starting to suffer a haunting emptiness that returned the minute Castiel closed
the door behind him. “Cas is the only one who ever really understood how
important that is to me, but I can’t trust myself to make the right decisions
when I’m near him.” Sam was watching every sunny little expression on Dean’s
face whenever Castiel’s name passed his lips. He nodded thoughtfully.
“So you are still in love with him?”
Dean bit the inside of his cheek. There was no way in hell he was actually
going to say it, but there wasn’t much point in denying it either. Sam would
know it was a lie.
“Yes - okay?” Dean glared at him. “If that’s what you want to hear.”
“What I want to hear. Idiot.” Sam muttered. Dean always pretended to be thick
as a brick to get out of an argument he stood no chance of winning so Sam
decided he would probably have to go for a more strategic approach to get his
point across. “Dean.” Sam said gently. He knew his brother would never be that
happy little boy again until he let Castiel bite him. “It’s not about me. This
is about what you want. What you’ve always wanted.” Dean’s shoulders sagged in
defeat. He had battled for so long to give hope to people just like him, it
always came before a selfish need to let himself be loved the way he deserved.
“It doesn’t matter what I want, Sam. I’m not thirteen anymore. Twenty years ago
I would have taken it in a heartbeat but how the hell am I supposed to be the
voice for omega rights if I’m mated to an alpha enforcement officer?” Sam felt
his heart strings snap. Dean looked so sad it made him feel like crap but he
did have a fair point when he put it like that.
“I’m with you, Dean, I am. But not like this. I told Cas I think there’s
something else going on here. Don’t you even have the slightest concern all
this has suddenly gone from wearing tags to being forced to give up an armful?
It’s a stepping stone, and I hate to think about what’s waiting on the other
side.” Dean couldn’t think about it either so he kept quiet. “I just hope to
God if you ever pull your head out your ass and let Cas collect his claim, you
don’t find yourself pencilled in on one of their damn lists already. I can’t
even imagine what they would do to you.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Duplicity *****
51. Duplicity
Castiel had no idea what he was going to say when he got inside. The high stone
walls of central precinct looked much bigger than he remembered and his stomach
was doing nervous little flips when he thought about how much ass he was gonna
have to kiss to get that silver star back. He smoothed down his hair and
marched up the steps with a single purpose. A couple of officers hanging out in
front of the holding area were watching him with interest when he crossed the
hall, steely eyes and firm jaw desperately trying to pretend he was a lot
stronger than he felt. One of them straightened up when they saw him head
towards the stairwell.
“What you doing here?” He asked, with one of those squints that meant he was
tempted to say something else. Castiel was one of the most respected senior
members of the CORP until he let his animal instincts take over to protect the
man he loved. Word soon got out their top alpha officer was nothing more than a
male omega’s lap dog. “Thought you were on mating leave.” Castiel heard the
other man laugh quietly under his breath when he smirked at his partner over
the front desk. He made a point of ignoring the snide remarks and malicious
looks while he pushed his way past them, a Bronx cheer ringing in his ears.
Castiel tried to blank out the knowing glances that passed between those men
who once gazed at him with nothing but awe. He didn’t really care they were all
talking shit about him behind his back. He would have taken it a hundred times
over to have that one cherished memory of knowing what it felt like to have
Dean’s snug heat clamped around his dick. The overpowering desire he had for
that boy had almost been his downfall. Dean was the only thing that mattered
and Castiel was going to do whatever it took to make sure he was safe from
being hunted down and forced to submit to that damn examination.
Super was expecting him when he got to the second floor. Castiel guessed
someone already tipped him off that he was on his way up to speak to him. He
was waiting outside his office with both arms folded across his chest.
“Come in.” He sighed, before disappearing inside. Castiel closed the door and
stood by the desk with his hands respectfully clasped together behind his back.
“Didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”
“I didn’t expect to be back.” Castiel replied quietly. “I’ve been thinking hard
about my priorities and decided I want it back, sir. I want you to reinstate
me.” Castiel now hated the system with every cell in his body but what he
wanted wasn’t important anymore. Dean would always come first and if he had to
do a little sucking up to help him, it was a small price to pay.
“That right?” The super asked slowly. Carter almost broke his ambitious neck to
fill him in on the details of Castiel’s little mutiny. He sat down at his desk.
“I’m waiting for an explanation, Novak and it better be good. You made us look
like a bunch of incompetent pricks.”
“My apologies, sir. I was not myself.” Castiel lied, secretly wondering if his
nose was going to start growing. He hadn’t forgotten the promise he made to Sam
about trying to dig up some dirt on the changes to the government program. As
soon as he got special clearance again he might even be able get into the
database and change the files so enforcement wouldn’t have any way to reach
those Winchester boys they seemed so determined to take down. At the very least
he was determined to find out exactly what CORP meant by checking that tagged
omegas stayed clean. It was a such a new concept even some of the seniors were
clueless about it and now Castiel had unintentionally put himself in a terrible
position. He didn’t hold out much hope his boss would give him any information
at all but it was always worth a try. “I didn’t really understand why we had to
take so many details. Trying to keep on top of all the regular file updates and
stuff was more than enough. No one really gave us much of a briefing so I was
already in a shitty mood and some of them were deliberately stalling. I just
lost it, sir. I’m sorry.” Castiel realized he might have made a mistake by
admitting he was overwhelmed by such a massive workload.
“You’ve been on the force a long time, Novak. I expect you to be able to handle
a few pissed-off omegas.”
“Of course, sir.” Castiel made a rather sorry attempt at a smile but it didn’t
seem to have any effect at all.
“Come on, then. Let’s hear it. Tell me the truth about what happened earlier.”
“Okay.” Castiel agreed, taking in a deep breath to steady his nerves and give
him a few precious seconds to make up some bullshit story his super might
actually buy. He suddenly remembered the heavenly scent of Dean’s release and
got caught by a flash of inspiration. It might just work. “I’m ashamed to say I
gave in to my instincts, sir. Smith was in heat and there were a lot of other
alphas slavering over him. He might only be an omega, but he’s also a human
being and I’m not going to stand back and let someone get brutally violated. I
was only doing my duty as an officer of the law. Rape is still a crime in this
city, I suppose?” Castiel could feel his heart beating fast, the very word
sending streams of rage and jealousy rushing through his blood again.
“Hmm.” The other man seemed to be giving some thought to how he was going to
compromise his own sick principles with upholding the constitution. Alphas
didn’t have complete control yet, and if he wasn’t careful he would have some
explaining of his own to do. “You know I could have your badge for what you
did… permanently.” He stressed. A bit of reverse psychology sometimes did the
trick but Castiel was way ahead of him. He knew he made a good point and didn’t
miss the nervous little twitch in the other man’s cheek. “You made a mockery of
everything we’re trying to do.”
“I was just trying to live by my code as an enforcement officer. Last time I
checked we were still living in the free United States.” The super drew in a
deep sigh and Castiel guessed he made the right call. “I managed to come to my
senses as soon as his scent wore off. I’m pretty sure any review board would
consider that to be unfair dismissal. I can’t help what I am.” His boss had no
idea what it was like to be an unmated alpha but it sounded like a reasonable
argument. Novak shouldn’t really be punished for having a conscience.
“I see.” The other man said blankly. CORP couldn’t afford any of this shit to
go public and this one had always been a bit feisty. If any omega supporters
caught on that one of their officers had royally fucked up it would be his own
job on the line. He eventually decided he would give the man a chance to redeem
himself but he wasn’t stupid. He was going to want some kind of insurance to
make sure that level of trust was earned back in spades. Castiel knew he’d
seriously shaken the super’s faith in the loyalty of his officers and God knows
they needed all the good press they could get. “Tell you what. I’ll let you
work for us again on one condition.”
“Absolutely, sir.” Castiel could hardly bear to force the words out. He felt
small, humiliated and even more unbearable, like he was betraying his true mate
in the worst possible way. All he wanted was to protect Dean but he knew
exactly where his little path of good intentions might lead.
“You’re on six months probation and you have to sign in every week with a full
report.”
“Sir?” Castiel stammered. He expected a slap on the wrist or maybe being
demoted to traffic duty for a couple of months but that was harsh. Sam already
hinted they were leaving soon and that meant he would have to stay behind. Dean
would never forgive him a second time. “Why do we need so many officers in the
New York branch? Can’t I just put in for a transfer until all this dies down a
bit?”
“No. We need you here. Didn’t Carter tell you we’re moving most of the new unit
to central? It looks like we may have to find somewhere to put a few unexpected
guests.” Castiel didn’t like the sly curl of his lip when he said the last
word. It sent an icy chill all the way down his body.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“The unclean omegas, of course.” The man replied bluntly, like Castiel was a
complete idiot. “Statistics suggest there may be more than we thought. They
have to go somewhere.”
So that was it. Castiel felt sick at the suggestion any poor omega carrying a
baby should be holed up in a windowless room somewhere to contemplate their
reckless disobedience.
“Even the male ones?” Castiel asked, still struggling to maintain his
composure.
“Especially  the male ones.” His super answered, with some contempt. “I’m not
worried about it. Those are rare enough to be irrelevant, but we can’t have
dirty split-tails like that parading around with swollen bellies. It makes us
look bad.” Castiel closed his eyes and dug his fingers into his palms. Years of
working in enforcement had given him a decent poker face but even that was
taking a huge amount of effort to sustain. The ignorance was staggering.
“Listen, I really don’t want to have to bench you, Novak. You’ve always been
one of my finest but we can’t have people losing it like that just 'cause they
get a sniff of slick. We have a reputation to uphold.” Castiel tried hard to
ignore it but something about that last remark made him want to punch that man
right in the face and knock out every last one of his teeth. “I’ll have your
progress monitored until I’m convinced your loyalty is truly with enforcement
and not… somewhere else.” He added vaguely.
Castiel almost choked on his next breath. How could he possibly make a choice
like that? His heart sank when he thought about Dean and Sam waiting for him to
return with news. He missed Dean so much already he felt physically ill,
desperate to snuggle into that soft omega body again. He almost gave himself
away by the look of despair that managed to slink past his rigid expression,
but the selfless duty to defend Dean at any cost soon won over. It felt like
Castiel was selling his soul to the devil when the two men shook hands, praying
with everything he had that Dean would understand. He would get a message to
him somehow.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean might have been a little more concerned about the new examinations coming
due if he had even the slightest clue he was already pregnant. The denial he
held on to since that day Alex Novak broke his heart spread seamlessly into
every aspect of his existence just to hold all those emotions inside as best he
could. Dean kind of understood why Castiel might feel a lot happier trying to
help them under the banner of enforcement, but it still hurt. He lost count of
how many times he wished they could go back to dragonfly pond and just curl
into each other until the sun went down. Innocent, free and hopelessly in love.
He was trying not to think about openly admitting he still loved Castiel. The
last thing he wanted was pity, especially from Sam.
“Why the hell isn’t he back yet?” Dean slumped forward against the window
again, his shoulders dropping low with the weight of disappointment. It was
growing dark outside and rain drops were spattering the glass in front of his
eyes where he'd been propped up for hours. “Priority, my ass.” He whispered.
Sam didn’t think he was meant to hear that last bit but he couldn’t ignore it.
He didn’t want to give up on his friend just yet.
“Don’t be too hard on him, Dean.” Sam said gently, despite the building feeling
of alarm with every hour that passed in silence with Dean stuck to the window
so long he might as well have covered himself in krazy glue. “Cas wouldn’t stay
there if it wasn’t important. He can hardly drag himself away to take a pee
without you and he already thinks he let you down once. He’s not gonna risk
that again. I believe him when he says he wants to do everything he can to make
sure you’re safe.”
Dean believed him too but he wasn’t going to admit to that as well, and was
really mad with himself for making out he didn’t care as much as he did.
Castiel tried so hard to show Dean how much he still meant to him. A stack of
self-loathing with a side of omega pride had messed it all up again. Castiel
gave him a warm security he hadn’t felt for a long time just by being close.
Dean managed to distract himself for a while but Sam saw him start to get a bit
restless when dusk fell. Then everything spiralled totally downhill until Dean
lapsed into a whole new level of misery after a few hours without his precious
alpha. He kept staring down onto the street like he expected to see him running
back up the steps just so they could be together again. Sam remembered how
sincerely he promised Cas they weren’t going anywhere and he really meant it at
the time but without his protection they were sitting ducks. Hanging around
just waiting for enforcement to decide Dean needed to be taken in for
endangering a government officer.
“Dean, we have to make a move tomorrow.” Sam said at last. Dean didn’t even
stir. “You should get some rest. No offense, but you look like crap.” Dean was
burning up even though he was shivering like a leaf. Hot, tired and bad-
tempered. He could hardly keep his eyes open but he’d be damned if he was going
to come away from that window any time soon.
“I’m waiting for Cas.” Dean murmured sleepily, head resting heavily on his
hand. Sam’s heart went out to him. After everything he said about needing to
keep his distance, it was painfully obvious Dean had let Castiel sneak back in.
Sam didn’t even want to think about the damage that would do to his brother if
he didn’t come back.
“Come on.” Sam tried again. He could see Dean fighting to swallow down the pain
of thinking he'd been abandoned again. They couldn’t possibly know just how far
Castiel had gone to convince his superiors he was still loyal to the CORP.
“It’s getting late. Maybe he’s gone to get some shut-eye.”
“Cas wouldn’t do that.” The sad little voice that replied couldn’t even
convince Sam so Dean had no chance. He deliberately dismissed the twisting in
his stomach every time he looked down onto the deserted street. Dean knew he
pushed his luck earlier because he wasn’t quite ready to make that final leap
and let Castiel claim him. He soon convinced himself it hadn’t taken long for
his alpha to come to his senses and realize he wasn’t worth the trouble. Sam
felt bad for him but he knew they couldn’t afford to wait much longer. Dean
propelled himself to the top of enforcement’s most wanted a long time before
that.
“Dean, go to bed. I’ll see if I can get hold of him in the morning before we
leave.” Dean was frightened to fall asleep in case he missed something but he
never felt so tired and drained. He didn’t have a scrap of energy left and both
eyes kept fluttering shut. His chin suddenly slipped off his hand and Sam
called it before he hurt himself. “Right. That’s it, cowboy - bed.” Sam strode
over to pick him up and felt a sudden spike of worry at how hot he was, his
pulse much faster than it should have been. Sam could feel it thumping away
against his side when he eased Dean away from the window. He didn’t put up much
of a fight and was almost asleep before his head hit the pillow. Something was
definitely off but Sam was too knackered to make the connection, and hadn’t a
clue Castiel had finally taken Dean’s virtue. “What the hell did you and Cas
get up to earlier? I don’t know what he did to you but you’re covered in a new
scent and it’s kinda sweet.” Sam said absently, while he tucked him in for the
night. “I like it.” Dean cracked open one eye.
“Stop being weird.” Dean muttered, through a weary haze. Sam could hear the
deep breaths of sleep within a few minutes. It had been difficult for him to
try and trust Castiel again and now his absence had done more damage than if he
actively tried to hurt him. Sam gave it one last look outside before settling
down himself, pretending to be fast asleep when he heard Dean shuffling around
restlessly during the night, ignoring the muffled whimpers that escaped his
lips when the nightmares returned with a vengeance.
It was almost dawn when they got up and packed the last of their stuff in
silence. Sam kept glancing over at Dean to see how he was holding up now it
looked like he was going to be alone again. They both knew they had to go. Part
of the reason they had been so successful at dropping off the corporate grid
was having a history of bouncing from place to place. Sam knew his brother had
no choice but to report for his exam in a few months if he didn’t want to be up
for some serious jail time. He was hoping Cas would come through for them by
then. Dean was even more despondent by the time they reached the main entrance.
Sam left the key at reception before tugging at his arm and helping Dean to
squeeze past a handful of officers outside on the ass end of the graveyard
shift. A couple of them stared at him in disgust when he passed by but no one
dare approach him again. Sam wasn’t sure if the crisp New York air was biting
into him hard and making his eyes sting or if those two round drops were tears
of despair. Dean was trying not to say out loud the one thing that picked away
at his hope while he lay awake most of the night just staring into the dark.
Cas wasn’t coming back.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Warning Signs *****
52. Warning Signs
Sam suddenly planted one hand on his head with a curse. He meant to write a
message for Castiel in the hope he was already on the way back to pull Dean out
of his dark mood. He left his brother standing on the sidewalk waiting for a
cab and reluctantly nipped back inside. The lobby was still crawling with
enforcement while the conference was winding down, making sure all the
rebellious omegas were escorted firmly off the premises. Sam kept glancing back
over his shoulder to check Dean hadn’t decided to throw himself in front of the
nearest truck and scribbled a quick note on the pad at the desk. Dean was just
staring into space, both hands pushed deep inside his pockets while his whole
little world came falling down with that one fateful decision. Sam left
specific instructions about how to reach them with a sense of urgency that made
the receptionist lean away from him in alarm. He knew for certain only Castiel
could save Dean now. The last twenty-four years had been hard enough, but this
latest slap in the face would push him to rock bottom and no amount of
consoling would ever replace the secret happiness Sam had seen in Dean's eyes
when he was finally reunited with the only man he ever loved. Dean didn’t even
blink when Sam bundled him into a taxi. He spent the whole trip with his face
resting against the window while it took them away from the city and out past
Staten Island, dull grey buildings blurring past his shining eyes. Sam had no
idea where to go next.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel missed them by less than an hour. He could hardly wait to see Dean,
desperate to try and explain why he couldn’t go with them just yet. He wanted
to hold that beautiful omega in his arms and savour one last kiss before they
had to part again. Six months felt like a lifetime to wait, but Castiel would
make sure he was in the perfect position to keep Dean safe when his time was
finally up. The little thrill of anticipation dropped down into his stomach
when he reached the hotel. Everyone was gone save a few alpha officers waiting
for their next assignment. Castiel ran over and pounded on the bell with his
fist but no one bothered to come and deal with him after what they witnessed
the day before. His eyes darted round the main hall. One of the other seniors
eventually sauntered over to him in his own sweet time and leaned up against
the front desk. He was about to say something derogatory when he suddenly
noticed the leather badge holder hanging from his neck. Castiel had obviously
been reinstated, and it was more than his own job was worth to put down an
officer of the same rank. He pretended not to notice.
“What do you want, Novak? We’re packing up. They’ve all gone.”
“Dean Smith?” Castiel asked breathlessly. “I need to speak to him… or that guy
he hangs around with.” It took a lot of effort to stop the name Winchester
falling out. The other man shrugged with so much disinterest it made Castiel’s
blood rush to his head. The senior scanned the top of the desk and reached over
to check for any messages. Sam kept in touch with Mary’s family from time to
time, and Bobby when he needed some fatherly advice. Sam’s post-it was hanging
over the other side with his cell number and their last home address in
Lawrence. The man discreetly scrunched it up in his fist and slid one hand
behind his back before he stuffed it in his pocket.
“Those two?” He scoffed. “Long gone, thank Christ. Troublemakers, both of 'em.”
Castiel swallowed hard.
“No.” He stammered, frantically searching the desk for some sign that would
lead him to Dean. “I know they wouldn’t have left without leaving me a
message.” He realized how desperate he sounded and managed to calm down a bit
before he turned around.
“Why do you care where they are?” The other officer asked bluntly. “Unless of
course the rumours about you and that little split-tail are true after all.”
“That’s all they were.” Castiel glared at him and tapped on his star to show
the other man he’d clearly won back his status in the CORP. The whole pathetic
charade made him feel physically ill. “Rumours. I haven’t finished his
interview, that’s all.” Castiel added flatly, every muscle in his face working
overtime to maintain the tight line he once called a mouth.
“No, I remember now.” The officer smiled at him, a little too wide to be
sincere. He didn’t believe him for a second but whether Castiel deserved to
continue his career in enforcement wasn’t his call. That didn’t mean he
couldn’t have a little fun along the way though. “They just took off. Never
even mentioned you, actually.” Castiel felt his mouth go dry even though it was
a cruel lie, meant to hurt. He didn’t think his heart would ever have to endure
another crushing blow like that but he was wrong. Fate might have brought the
boys together again but now it seemed determined to make Castiel work hard for
that treasured prize. Holding onto the frail hope his limitless patience and
selfless sacrifices would one day reward him with the only thing in his life he
ever wanted. Dean.
                                 ………. «» ……….
The weeks that followed were filled with dark days and lonely nights. Castiel
was barely functioning, stuck on auto-pilot. He tried hard to distract himself
with the job until he served out his sentence but no amount of overtime or
unnecessary paperwork could fill the hole Dean’s absence had left in his soul.
He hated every second of life without him and tortured himself relentlessly for
having to make such a horrible choice. Endlessly questioning if he really had
done the right thing. His sanity was being stretched to the limit, close to
losing control of so many hidden emotions. Every day was a bitter struggle to
stay focused on work, counting off the tortuous days like a man possessed. The
stoic expression he was forced to adopt every time he walked into the precinct
felt like it was turning his once soft features to stone. Castiel knew he would
never be able to justify why he stayed behind if he ever saw them again.
Everything he had ever done was for Dean, and he couldn’t explain it to him.
The unconditional love he kept in his heart for so long would now lie twisted
and broken inside him until he got to gaze into those green eyes again. Castiel
woke up to every new morning feeling sick to his stomach. So did Dean, but for
a different reason.
Dean and Sam slowly hitched their way back towards Lawrence. Aimlessly drifting
from one seedy motel to another and binging on shitty junk food. After about
three months, Sam decided to stop in Maryland for a couple of weeks so they
could catch a bit of downtime while they decided what they were going to do
next. Dean was constantly tired and so oversensitive Sam had to consciously
watch what he said around him. It was exhausting. Hampstead was close enough to
Washington and the senate to be useful while Sam worked on an outline for his
petition, and far enough away for them to stay under enforcement radar. Dean
was still a mess. The day after they left New York he threw himself back into
fighting against the new blood laws for a few weeks until he didn’t even have
the energy to do that. His back ached, he didn’t eat properly and even when he
did manage to catch a few hours sleep he woke up in the middle of the night
with cramps down both legs, haunted by the memory of Castiel’s scent rubbing
against his skin when they bonded for the first time.
Dean knew something wasn’t right. It felt a bit like when he was young but no
trace of his heat was left. His cycle had been pretty messed up before but he
wouldn’t get anything like that again while he was carrying the little one. So
many years without a proper heat didn’t really manage to flick on any light
switches and make the connection. All those love chemicals released when they
had been together again were still pumping into his brain. Oxytocin and
dopamine preparing him for bonding. Still oblivious to the natural protective
instinct that made Dean want to keep the growing pup warm and safe inside him.
He already gave up resting on his stomach. Dreamlike images of that perfect
plump mouth and seductive blue eyes made it hard enough to try and get some
sleep but now his chest felt so tender it drove him crazy at night. He had to
keep rubbing his hand across his nipples to try and stop the itch that settled
there a couple of weeks before. He felt like absolute shit and just wanted to
close his eyes and wish the rest of the world away in a futile attempt to find
some kind of peace. Sam suspected it was something a lot deeper than the pain
of being without Castiel. It was probably worse to have had that second chance
to be with his alpha just to have it snatched away once more, than to have left
well enough alone. Dean had dared to let Castiel fill him with all that
innocent hope again and then sent him crashing back down with a thud. The
little twinkle in his eye that sparkled with life when he let Castiel in a
second time was completely extinguished, nothing but hollow emptiness reflected
in his eyes.
Sam was only just getting used to the meaningful sighs and soulful looks before
the sickness started. He remembered Dean being nauseous before on the tail end
of that first heat, but it was weeks since he had been near Castiel and Sam
finally started to click on when he woke up one morning to the sound of Dean
retching into the bathroom sink. Sam didn’t know his brother had been up most
of the night with fear pricking away at his subconscious since finding spots of
blood in his shorts after the tiny baby finished implanting. He hid a lot of
his suffering from Sam, but throwing up for three days straight made his eyes
red, and his throat was so sore and dry from straining he may as well have
swallowed a sheet of sandpaper. He locked himself in the bathroom, soon sitting
naked on the edge of the tub with his legs spread apart. Dean took a deep
breath and reached underneath his little swollen belly, dabbing carefully
between his butt cheeks like he was scared to see what he might find there. A
jolt of pain suddenly shot through his body just above his dick where it felt
like someone was digging their fingers deep into his insides. He gently slid
his arm free and stared at the stained red tips of his fingers where one hand
was shaking in front of his eyes. Sam was calling him through the door and
asking if he was alright but Dean couldn’t tell him the truth. He was
terrified, trusted denial soon convincing him he had just been pushing himself
too hard until his body finally gave up. He silently cleaned himself down.
Sam was still leaning up against the door with a frown. He had his ear pressed
up close but he couldn’t hear anything else and Dean sort of answered with a
muffled groan. Sam tapped his fingertips over one hand and bit into his lip,
slowly doing the math in his head and trying to figure out how long it had been
since they last saw Cas. Almost twelve weeks. Dean had been peeing a hell of a
lot lately and developed a random craving for blue crab since their cheer up
Dean day trip to Chesapeake Bay. It didn’t work.
Dean finally emerged in a fresh towel with a handful of dirty laundry which he
quickly stuffed into a pack before flaking out on top of the bed. He was flat
on his back, and Sam hadn’t seen Dean undressed for a while but there was no
mistaking a cute little tummy that definitely wasn’t there before. Sam suddenly
squinted at him with sniper like precision when something amazing began to dawn
on him. Morning sickness. Sam guessed right then he might know exactly why Dean
was so hormonal lately but he couldn’t just ask him if he let Castiel bend him
over the last time they were together. He was even more pissy than usual
without his alpha and Castiel’s name had been inked on the never to be
mentioned again list if Sam wanted to keep hold of his teeth.
Sam was so preoccupied with the legal stuff he hadn’t quite got round to
joining up all the dots yet. The idea forced him into thinking about that last
day in New York. They seemed so happy. Cas loved Dean. That was never in doubt,
no matter how much Dean believed otherwise after they left. Breaking his
promise to return and help deal with the other officers was so unlike him and
he knew Sam didn’t have enough sway to siphon off some top secret information
on his own. Castiel was as loyal as they come and Sam trusted him implicitly.
The more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that something really
serious must have prevented him from coming back for them. Sam soon got his
answer when he found out about the real motivation behind the DNA data base. It
was splashed all over the news. The warning signs were everywhere. It started
off with a few billboard posters and state of the art clinics rising from the
New York pavements in style. Specifically designed to usher in a level of
propaganda and intolerance that would plunge unsuspecting citizens into a new
age. Blood laws were now well established and screened omegas were advised to
stay in special facilities so the government could monitor them and remove them
from the rest of society for good under the illusion of freedom.
Some of the larger cities were on red alert, enforcement starting to round up
unmated pregnant omegas with disturbing regularity. Never to be seen again. Sam
knew he had to finish his petition and get the supreme court to review all the
blatant segregation shamefully disguised as a brighter future. It made his head
hurt, and now he had to worry about his brother as well. Sam knew Dean would be
even more determined to block Castiel out now, and if he was right about the
origin of the neat round bump Dean didn’t seem to realize he was displaying,
then that little Novak pup was going to need a daddy.
“Dean?” Sam called out to him a couple of times, not sure if Dean even knew he
was still there. He looked completely lost but there was much more going on
there than the effects of so many sleepless nights. He wasn’t just tired all
the time, he was distant and unresponsive. Sam wondered if his mind had shut
down all the things he couldn't bear to think about.
“Sorry.” Dean murmured vacantly. “I was just thinking about… never mind.” He
shuffled around for a bit trying to get settled, but it was impossible and not
just because he was carrying a few extra ounces. Nothing smelled right. His
senses were all screwed up and everything seemed strange and unfamiliar,
sometimes imagining he would catch a hint of alpha musk when he was alone with
scattered thoughts.
“Dean. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but you know that stupid
exam’s coming up and I want you to be ready. We need to get our stories
straight. I don’t think they’re gonna let me go in with you this time.” Sam
already confirmed the date by phone. The same strategic routine he always used
when they made official appointments, careful never to leave a forwarding
address. Dean didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything. Not anymore.
Sam was watching Dean sadly while he closed his eyes and made a sorry attempt
to drift off again, when he suddenly remembered something. Dean was in heat
when he left him alone with Castiel and nature was a persuasive mistress. Sam
had a terrible thought. If his suspicions were correct then Dean was going to
fail that exam and be classed as unclean. His tags would be re-stamped, and
according to new legislation, he might even be sent away until the pup made an
appearance. The whole system was disgusting. Sam didn’t even want to think
about anything after that. He was probably panicking for no reason anyway. Dean
once laughed at the idea boys could have babies. Even though they both knew
different now, it was so unlikely Sam managed to shove his concern to one side
for now in favour of something more pressing. He pulled out his briefcase and
spread his folders on the table so he could finish up his paper while Dean fell
asleep again. Last count they had about two and a half weeks before Dean was up
for inspection and more time was a luxury they didn’t have. Sam would have to
wait it out and watch for any warning signs of worst case scenario. He couldn’t
seem to shake the strange feeling it just might be a very real possibility and
then for the hard part - telling Dean he was going to have a baby.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Haven *****
53. Haven
The deadline was up. Dean was almost four months gone and Sam had been working
tirelessly on his proposal for about ten days straight. He wanted to get a copy
in the mail before they left town, intending to stop in Washington for a couple
of days before the exam date arrived and try to make a name for himself now
some positions were up for grabs in the smaller counties. Dean slept through
most of it. Sam knew he was really struggling again since Castiel had gone. It
didn’t take a genius to figure out the connection. It was so unfair. They had
been in love with each other for so long it was about time life made those boys
smile instead of shitting on them both from a great height every chance it got.
All they ever wanted was to be together. It really wasn’t a lot to ask. If Sam
knew how much heartache breaking up their childhood romance would bring, he
would have done everything he could to stop their dad from leaving Haven. He
hurriedly filed his petition away for safe keeping when he heard Dean get up
again.
“Alright?” Sam tried cautiously. Dean didn’t even have enough energy to deny it
and only replied with a vacant nod. Sam didn’t miss the way Dean arched his
back and gave his tummy a little rub when he stood up. His hips were filling
out by the day, and Sam suspected it wouldn’t be long before his brother would
be forced to accept a little miracle might be happening inside him.
“Livin' the fucking dream.” Dean sighed. All he wanted to do was curl up and
let sleep blank out the pain inside, but Sam kept begging him to discuss what
they were going to say at his appointment. He hadn’t had any luck at securing
Dean’s attention for more than thirty seconds at a time. Sam knew how depressed
he was so he didn’t push it, waiting for Dean to bring it up on his own.
Apparently that time had come. “Right, I’m awake. You better tell me what sort
of monumental crud I can expect at this shit show next week then, seein' as
it’s all you ever talk about every time I make the mistake of opening my eyes.”
“I thought you didn’t care?”
“I don’t, but it’s not just my ass on the line, is it?” Dean sat down opposite
Sam with a graceless thud. Sam couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering to the
little pudge hanging over the top of his jeans. “I’ve been thinking maybe I
should know what I’m dealing with. 'Sides, if I screw up it’s gonna make you
look bad and I don’t want that, Sam. At least one of us deserves to be happy.”
Sam bit his tongue. Lesson learned. Don’t give Dean any opportunity to drown in
self-pity. It wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate the sentiment but that kind of
attitude wasn’t going to help anyone.
“Okay. I can write out a little speech for you, if you like.” Dean stared at
his brother with disgust. Memorizing stuff just to placate the government
wasn’t really his thing. “Just answer yes or no, then. I don’t suppose it
matters. Your tags have most of the information they need, anyway.” Sam added.
“It’s not like they don’t know who you are… or whatever.” Dean Smith hadn’t
caused enforcement much trouble lately but he still had his own separate file
on the system. He used to be quite proud of that. Sam didn’t think he gave a
shit about anything now. Nothing he would confess out loud at any rate.
“Sam, it doesn’t matter what I say. No one really cares what I think.” Dean
sniffed, turning away in favour of staring aimlessly over his shoulder instead.
Sam didn’t rise to it.
“That’s not the point. If you don’t go you’ll have the wrath of the law on your
tail and contrary to your recruitment poster, you’re not actually a one-man
army.” Dean’s face went rigid with the mention of vengeful enforcement
officers. It was still a touchy subject so Sam softened his voice and went for
the concerned approach instead. “I’m more bothered about the new purity
rulings, to be honest.”
“Why? It’s all crap. What the hell gives someone the right to decide if we’re
clean or not? It sucks.”
“I know, Dean. Unfortunately, we don’t have a choice, and if you and Cas didn’t
get up to anything then you got nothing to worry about.” Sam slid his eyes up
in the hope he might get a bite on the bait he just threw in. Dean was chewing
on his lip. Sam knew he’d been really down lately and wasn’t sure if the news
about a potential patter of tiny paws was going to be a way of giving his heart
some hope or destroy him completely. It wasn’t his place to drop that little
bombshell. He suddenly had an idea when he saw his laptop sitting open on the
table. “I gotta go mail this draft for my proposal in a minute anyway so feel
free to surf the net for a bit if you want.” Sam strategically shoved the
computer towards him with a tight smile. Dean didn’t seem remotely interested
in it at all but Sam wasn’t going to give up so easily. It would be much better
for Dean to figure it out by himself. Sam couldn't ignore the warm squishy
feeling in his heart every time he thought about how amazing it would be to
have another little Winchester in the family. “Listen, I know you haven’t been
feeling well lately. Maybe type in a few symptoms, see what comes up? You’re
the only one who really knows how you feel inside, Dean.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. Stop being an asshole and just humour me, okay?” Sam got up
to pour his brother a glass of water and instinctively shoved a pillow behind
his back. He made Dean promise to put his feet up if he got faint. Dean looked
up at Sam like he must have lost his mind before making a half-hearted effort
to open a new tab. Sam seemed satisfied enough to leave him there with a web of
information while he walked into town.
Dean was so bored and fed-up he decided he had nothing to lose and Sam was
right. He had been feeling really rough the last few weeks. He hadn’t forgotten
about the blood spots, so he typed that one in first and tutted when a link to
www.thebump.com popped up on the screen. Dean closed it with an impatient sigh
and tried a few more. Tiredness, nausea and that damn sensitivity in his chest
that forced him to sleep on his back every night, with not so much sleeping and
more staring up at the ceiling and thinking about Cas until he couldn’t keep
his eyes open any longer.
Dean clicked on page after page, but everything kept steering him in the same
direction until there were too many coincidences to brush the suggestion aside.
Instead of making him feel better it filled his whole body with fear. Dean
searched the probability of male omega conception and banged the lid shut when
some of the thumbnail images looked a little bit too painful to deal with. He
checked off practically every box on the list and felt even sicker than he did
when he got up that morning. Dean had been staring at the screen for so long
his eyes started to dip out of focus. He slumped back and looked down at his
growing stomach in dismay like he was noticing it for the first time.
“Fuck.” Not the most articulate response, but Dean thought that summed it up
quite nicely. How he hadn’t seen all the signs before was anybody’s guess, but
his little surfing session was more than enough to convince him. Dean’s heat
suddenly disappeared like magic after the sex and alphas were notorious for
being a bit on the virile side. He wondered if Sam guessed as much already and
gave him the laptop on purpose. Dean now had no doubt he was carrying Castiel’s
pup, no matter how ridiculous that sounded in his head. The conditions of the
special examination were pretty specific. He was unmated and probably knocked-
up. A perfect target for CORP to take him in and Dean wasn’t about to let that
happen. The shock was soon replaced by a sudden and overwhelming surge of
protective love and Dean made up his mind right then it would be a cold day in
Hell before he let those fuckers get their hands on it. He would make sure that
little one was safe, even if it meant losing his own freedom to give Castiel’s
baby the life it deserved.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam returned to an empty hotel room. He knew at once something was up and threw
his briefcase down in alarm before making a beeline for the computer. He peeled
a hastily scrawled note off the laptop and opened it up, still crashed on the
last screen Dean looked at before slamming it shut. Sam tried to read the
message but his hand was shaking so much he had to slap it on the table and
flatten out the corners.
  I’m sorry, Sammy. Tell those government dicks whatever you want. I can’t go.
        I think I’m in serious trouble and you can’t help me this time.
              Thanks for watching my back. Always keep fighting.
So he knew. Sam felt a little lump catch in his throat, and not just because he
was scared for Dean. He was going to be an uncle and that was something he
never expected but damn, that was awesome. Dean needed to find out the truth
sooner rather than later but taking off was the last thing Sam wanted him to do
when he gave him a subtle nudge towards responsible parenthood. He dismissed
the thought Dean might go home, guessing that would be the first place Sam
would look and things hadn’t been right with John for a long time. Their
relationship never quite recovered and his drinking got much worse just before
he finally moved back upstate for work. No one else would hire him. Dean
wouldn’t go to John. As much as he denied it later, Dean still blamed their dad
for leaving Castiel behind and taking away the one chance he needed to put
things right.
Sam reckoned he probably intended to keep running so no one would be able to
find him. Some of the smaller states were easier to pass through without
detection but there was no arguing the tagging system meant Dean couldn’t hide
forever. He ran the risk of being discovered if he went for medical care and
the actual birth didn’t bear thinking about. It brought another tear to Sam’s
eye at the very thought. His latest renegade stunt might buy his brother some
time but not much else, and pissing off enforcement by dodging compulsory
examinations was a very bad idea. Sam was worried sick now he knew the pup was
a reality and their safety was on the line. Dean had no due date and nobody to
hold his hand when he finally pushed that little bundle out. Sam decided right
there he was going back to New York. Dean was going to need him real bad once
he started to show but he wouldn’t tell Castiel why he had to tear up the world
to find his heart. That was something he should hear from Dean. Sam shook his
head and started to pack up the rest of their belongings.
“Goddamn it, Dean.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean couldn’t explain what drew him south. Flicking off the exam was a given.
He couldn’t take the risk of not passing, facing the humiliation of no longer
being clean by their stupid standards. He had to think about the pup now. It
hadn’t asked to be here, and holding on to some part of Castiel inside him
meant more to Dean than he would ever admit.
So much time wandering alone sent his thoughts in a dark direction. It was too
late for him. When he was a boy Dean swore he would change the world one day
but it wasn’t about him anymore. The needs of the many sure as hell outweighed
the need of the one. Especially when that one was a worthless unmated omega
whose only possessions were a chip on one shoulder and a leather hand-me-down.
It was so much more important to save them all. CORP would be on his trail as
soon as he missed that exam, and he wasn’t going to drag Sam down with him.
Dean might not be the brightest star in the sky but he knew what the government
were planning and had scanned through Sam’s proposal when he was in the shower
a couple of weeks before. He didn’t think Sam would notice, but he put it back
in the folder upside down so it wasn’t much of a leap and then Sam felt really
guilty for keeping so much from his brother in the first place. Dean trudged on
while his mind was taken over by the persistent voice in his head telling him
he was better off on his own. He fought for omega rights for as long as he
could remember but trying to eradicate their kind was a step too far. Someone
had to make a stand to destroy their prison without walls. He was just in the
way and now Sam could concentrate on the career he always wanted. It had taken
a back seat to make sure his brother was well looked after and now that burden
was gone. Dean knew he only had one option left and carried on going without
looking back.
                                 ………. «» ……….
It took him almost two days to get down to Kansas. Dean walked some of the way
but his back was really starting to play up and all that pavement pounding just
made him want to pee. Hanging out at isolated truck stops was a bit dicey but
it eventually got him a ride across the county line. He took the last bus from
Hutchinson with the few dollars he had left and landed in Haven just before
sunset. Dean took in a huge breath of fresh country air when he jumped down the
steps, looking up at a wonderful cloudless sky. It reminded him of home and
being young again. Dean hitched up his pack with a sigh and headed down Kansas
Avenue with the sun behind him. He took in the familiar streets, horizon lined
with a patchwork of golden fields he once sprinted through hand in hand with
his Cas when everything in their lives was filled with summer sunshine. He
could feel the tears start to bud again but he wasn’t sad anymore. Haven gave
him back some of his happy memories of Castiel that had been buried deep,
ashamed he let himself forget how perfect they were together. Maybe they both
deserved one last chance to get it right. Dean wiped his eyes and soldiered on.
The very end of the street curved off to one side, and Dean remembered it
stretched all the way down to dragonfly pond. For a second he wanted to run
down that path and reach for a few beautiful snatches of a lost childhood, and
just pretend he was thirteen again. Sitting in Castiel’s lap and dipping his
toes in the water while his alpha stroked gentle touches through his hair. A
car alarm suddenly blared in the distance and he was back. Dean wasn’t ready to
go down there yet. Coming back to Haven had given him a peace he never expected
but that one would really hurt. He turned his face away and walked into town
instead. He saw the battered sign for Bobby’s auto shop and had to take a few
minutes to get his shit together. They hadn’t seen each other in a long time
and turning up on his doorstep with a swollen belly and four cents to his name
wasn’t very likely to win him over.
Everything looked just the same as it always had. The dusty lot was littered in
broken car parts. It felt like two decades were washed away while he walked up
the path with his heart in his mouth. Dean banged on the grill a couple of
times and waited patiently until he heard a muffled curse and the heavy chain
rattling round. It seemed to take forever for the door to slide up when a
welcome face suddenly came into view. Bobby was squinting in the dying
sunlight. It took him a few seconds to realize he wasn’t hallucinating.
“Dean?”
“Hey, Bobby.” Dean replied softly, looking like a vulnerable little boy again.
“I’m real sorry to just show up like this but you once told me I could come
here if I ever really needed a place to hide.” Bobby nodded, his smile soon
fading when he looked Dean up and down in amazement. “Well, I really need it.”
Bobby took off his cap just for something to fiddle with while he tried to take
in the sorry sight of a pregnant male omega standing helpless under his garage
door.
“Well, that’s somethin’ new.” He drew in a deep breath. “Looks like we gotta
lot of catching up to do. You better come in, boy.” Bobby added quietly, giving
Dean a subtle nod when his eyes drifted down again. “Both of you.”
                              .......... «» ……….
***** Safe House *****
54. Safe House
As soon as Dean stepped inside it felt like he crossed the threshold to some
secret haven. All the emotions locked inside him since meeting Castiel again
were released in a rush, and Bobby was almost knocked off his feet when Dean
threw his arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder until he didn’t
think he could cry anymore. Bobby had his hands up in surprise, eventually
rubbing them over Dean’s back to comfort him. His shoulders were still shaking
when he finally pulled away and dragged a wet nose down one sleeve. Neither of
them said another word while Dean followed him through to the study. It was
just as messy as he remembered, and still stank of stale rye. There were so
many questions in Bobby’s head. When Dean finally sat down, the one he really
wanted to ask was hanging on the end of his tongue. He reached for a bottle and
took a long slug. He almost offered Dean one before realizing his mistake.
“You won’t be needing one of these then, boy.” He quickly replaced the cap with
a sigh and hid the temptation behind a stack of dusty books. Dean felt so sick
he didn’t think he could have stomached it anyway. “I wanna know what happened,
but before you tell me what’s been goin’ on… I gotta ask.” It was awkward as
all hell and he kind of knew the answer already. He gestured towards the puppy.
“Castiel give you that?” Dean licked his lips before dropping his head, staring
down at his feet in shame.
“Yes, sir.” His eyes soon flicked back up when he heard Bobby let out a whistle
of relief.
“Thank God for that.”
“What?”
“You really have to ask?” Dean was still gaping at him in confusion with his
mouth open, so Bobby just carried on talking. “First time you mated?” Dean
hesitated. That was a bit too personal to be comfortable but he supposed Bobby
wouldn’t have just come right out with it unless it was significant.
“Yep. Literally, like one time and - well.” Dean looked down at the bump. It
seemed to be growing by the day. “You can guess the rest.”
“But that means I was right all along, Dean.” Bobby actually smiled. Dean
wasn’t sure what he meant, but at least one of them was happy about it. “You
any idea the odds of you fallin’ for a pup the first time?” Dean didn’t really
give a shit about the statistics but he had a strange sense it was important.
Bobby long since suspected those boys were destined to be together one day and
now he had a bundle of evidence. “I always thought you and Cas were true mates,
so that ain’t really very surprisin'.” He noticed Dean didn’t have a bite mark.
He can’t have been more than a few months along so the wound should still be
there, but there was nothing. “He didn’t claim you, though.” Bobby added
gently.
“I wouldn’t let him.” Dean replied, without any kind of explanation, still
trying desperately to convince himself that wasn’t the worst decision he ever
made. Looking back, he didn’t know why he hadn’t begged Castiel to sink those
sharp teeth into his throat. Bobby was right, as usual. It was the only thing
he ever dreamed about, being without him the force that drove every one of his
dark nightmares. Dean was so conditioned by years of believing all alphas were
arrogant dicks he panicked, regretting that impulsive rejection ever since.
Castiel had every right to dump him again. Dean pulled in a deep breath when he
thought about how fucking gorgeous Cas was now he was grown. Bobby brought him
back from the beautiful memory with a slap of reality.
“Thought you’d been waitin’ your whole life for that. You promised yourself to
him a long time ago. Don’t make no sense.”
“Yeah, well.” Dean sighed, the mouth-watering image fading out behind his eyes.
“It doesn’t matter what I thought. I’m still doin’ this on my own. Sorry, Bobby
but all them fairy-tales are in your head.”
“Balls.”
“Come again?”
“You know damn well I’m right. I ain’t never seen anyone share a bond like you
two. It’s special, Dean. Always was… so where the hell is he, then? Why ain’t
he lookin’ after ya?” Bobby couldn’t understand why a fiercely possessive alpha
like Castiel would abandon a pregnant mate. Especially one he would lay down
his life for. That much had been obvious twenty years ago and he didn’t suppose
much had changed since then. Dean didn’t really want to talk about him anymore
but Bobby should know the truth. His home had always been a port in the storm,
and he didn’t deserve to be lied to.
“It’s complicated.”
“Ain’t it always? Come on, kid. Nothin’s gonna shock me any worse than you
carrying a babe.”
“He’s an enforcement officer.” Dean whispered, after a painfully long pause.
“Yeah, right.” Bobby laughed before he saw the look on Dean’s face that could
have taken his legs out from under him at fifty yards. “Oh, you’re serious...
damn.” Bobby had to sit down on the desk to try and stop himself from falling
over. He never expected that. “Why the hell would a nice boy like that join a
piss poor bunch of ruthless bastards?” He needed another drink. Dean shook his
head. He looked so sad.
“You know, I asked him the same question. We hadn’t seen each other since we
were kids and then he was assigned to my case. He said he joined up to try and
find me but I don’t think that’s true. Not anymore. Somethin’s broken in him,
Bobby.”
“Of course he’s broken.” Bobby snapped, annoyed that Dean would ever doubt
Castiel’s devotion to him. “He lost the love of his life. That boy used to look
at you like you had the moon and stars in your eyes. I don’t believe for a
second he ever wanted anything else.” Dean was biting his cheek to stop himself
from thinking too hard about how happy they had been by the little pond. His
eyes were darting into every corner just to avoid that demanding gaze. “And
deep down, you don’t either.” Bobby added, a bit softer this time. “Do you?”
“I don’t know what to think. I really wanted to believe in him, Bobby. I found
out his dad lied to me. I’m just so freaking mad with myself for letting him
get back inside my head. He only let me down again and he can’t keep breaking
my heart. I still love him and it hurts so bad sometimes.” Dean wished he could
manage to snap his big mouth shut when he was with Bobby. It was the only place
he ever allowed some part of his inner need to be loved by Castiel shine
through the tiny little chink in his defensive armour when that man looked at
him like that. Bobby understood him without even trying and Dean had really
missed him. He always seemed to be able to coax out the sensitive omega that
was buried underneath all the militant bullshit.
“Must be caught up in something real bad to leave you to have that pup without
him. I’m gonna kick that boy’s ass when I see him next.” Dean looked away again
but the guilt was splattered all over his face. “He doesn’t know.” Bobby said
slowly, when the realization hit him like a punch to the gut. “For the love of
all… Dean, why wouldn’t you tell him?” Bobby read enough lore books in his time
to know an alpha would cherish a little life they created, especially when they
had such a special bond with their omega. He couldn’t imagine a better
incentive for Castiel to tell CORP to ram his star up their collective ass.
“I don’t know where he is.” Dean admitted quietly. “Sam left him a message just
before we ditched New York but he… he never called. I didn’t know about the pup
then. Stupid as it is, I was kinda hopin’ he wanted to be with me just for me.
Not 'cause he felt trapped into staying.”
“It’s not stupid, Dean but I don’t think you’re givin’ the poor lad enough
credit. So, where’s Sam? Doesn’t he know either?” Dean just shrugged.
“I haven’t flat out told him, if that’s what you mean. Don’t s’pose the smart
ass will take too long to figure it out.”
“Yeah, I hear ya been makin' a bit of a name fer yourself up in the big city.”
Bobby replied, with a dry smile. “Sam keeps me up to date every once in a
while. He’s gonna be pissed when he realizes you took off without him. He’s
always had your back, Dean. You should have let him help.”
“Help, how?” Dean sighed again. “What could he do? Nothin’.” He answered
himself before Bobby got the chance. “Nobody’s gonna pop it out for me, are
they?” Bobby was trying hard to go easy on him but he didn’t know quite how to
deal with it. Dean was twisting his hands together in his lap, trying to ignore
how scary that sounded when he thought about the inevitable conclusion. That
was going to hurt like hell. Bobby could see Dean kept flicking through random
emotions like they were going out of fashion. He put it down to raging hormones
and discreetly moved on.
“Well, you know you can stay here as long as you want, kid. I won’t turn you
in.”
“Thanks.” Dean murmured, not knowing how long he would have to hold Bobby to
that. They both knew he was just another criminal statistic now. As soon as he
missed that examination he would be hunted down. His alter ego had given
enforcement a run for their money for years and now they had someone like him
to bring in, he guessed they would stop at nothing to find him. Sam said having
Castiel on the force was a blessing but Dean wasn’t so sure anymore. The trust
had gone when he never came back for them. It reminded him he had something
else to worry about now. Reports had been coming in that some unmated omegas
were being locked up for pissing all over the system, or having the baby taken
away because they weren’t supposed to breed. The only option Dean had left was
to hide out somewhere he felt safe. “I don’t think I have long, Bobby. They’ll
be after me once they find out I’ve skipped town, but I’m not gonna let them
take it.” Bobby suspected he might have to confide in Sam and work to get them
together again. He had no doubt Dean would soon change his mind if Castiel was
by his side. “If I have to go away for breaking their stupid shitty law then
fine, but this one didn’t do anything to deserve it.” Dean reached down a shaky
hand and cradled the bottom of his tummy. He was so detached before, it was the
first time he actually allowed himself to touch it. The little dragonfly charm
slipped down from its weathered band and dangled over the unseen pup like a
sign it was meant to be. Bobby smiled to himself. If keeping hold of that for
so long wasn’t a way of showing how much Dean still loved Castiel, then he
would eat his cap.
He was stunned into silence by the determination of Dean’s maternal instinct to
put the pup first at any cost. He didn’t think it was a coincidence Dean was so
passionate about it because the baby belonged to Castiel. He must have gone to
hell and back in the years they were apart. Getting banged up on their first
physical bonding meant something amazing. To the drunk, not-pregnant, lore-
educated one between them anyway. Dean didn’t seem to share the joy. Maybe that
would come in time once he had Castiel to curl up next to in bed at night,
rubbing his belly and feeding him chocolate ice cream. They were going to be a
family one day. It was a beautiful dream. Bobby was trying hard not to stare
and not doing a very good job of it.
“No, it didn’t deserve it.” Bobby agreed. “But you don’t need to be thinkin’
crazy stuff like that in your condition, stressin’ yourself out. There’s people
here who want to help you, Dean. Don’t give up on Cas just yet.” Dean’s eyes
were suddenly wide with fear when Bobby jogged the realization his coming home
might up the risk of running into his father. It left him cold.
“Please don’t tell my dad.” Dean gasped in alarm. He hadn’t even factored John
into the equation.
“Dean.” Bobby sat down next to him and patted the back of his hand. “No
offense, son but you ain’t gonna be able to hide that for very long.” He nodded
towards Dean's stomach. “I knew soon as I looked at ya.” Dean just couldn’t
face him. John once warned him Castiel would have him barefoot and pregnant
like an omega was supposed to be. Part of him wished he’d listened. Being
without Castiel was hard enough, but having to give birth to his pup alone was
about as low as his life could get. Dean could feel his eyes filling up again
but he wasn’t about to give those damn tears the satisfaction, no matter how
difficult it was to hide how he felt inside. He already admitted he was still
in love with his alpha so there wasn’t much point in pretending otherwise.
Bobby didn’t seem to mind. “Come on, up you get.” Dean let Bobby help him to
stand. He couldn’t even round up enough energy to be humiliated. “Don’t worry
about yer dad, Dean. He ain’t due in today.” Dean just nodded gratefully and
steadied himself on Bobby’s arm. His head was swimming. The long trip with
nothing to sustain the pup had taken its toll on both of them. “Go lie down for
a spell, son. You look exhausted.”
“Yeah, I am kinda tired. Thanks, Bobby… for everything.”
“Want me to make you a bite to eat, first? You need to keep your strength up
for the little one.”
“I’ll be fine.” Dean forced a smile. “Don’t think I could keep anything down,
anyway.” Bobby could feel the sympathy welling up inside him. Dean never looked
so beat down, even when the boys had been caught by his father when they were
young. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Bobby watched him waddle off to the
bedroom to take a nap. He was surprised Dean hadn’t talked much about Castiel.
He never shut up about him when they were together that last summer. Maybe it
might have even been better if Castiel had got Dean pregnant at thirteen. They
would have been happily mated before all the trouble started, but there was
nothing anyone could do about it now. If he knew then how their lives would
turn out he wouldn’t have told them to wait. The guilt was crushing, and Bobby
made a secret vow right then to do everything he could to make sure those boys
got their happy ending. They needed some hope to hold on to. He decided to keep
all that to himself for a little while longer and let Dean rest.
Bobby would keep an eye on him. Give him the safety of his protection for as
long as he wanted, and at least he knew where Dean would be if Sam and Castiel
came looking. He had no idea when those six months were up Castiel would be
blasting through Kansas like a hurricane. He was going to be devastated when he
found out why Dean had run away again. Bobby never forgot the way he put his
claim on that boy when they were children, imagining Castiel would soon slip
back into his dominant alpha role as soon as his feet touched the fresh ground
of Haven. Maybe calling him back would be the first step in healing both their
broken hearts. All those happy memories and the freedom to love each other
again would win hands down over everything else that threatened to tear them
apart a second time. Dean was born to be submissive and Bobby suspected one
look from those dangerous blue eyes could still make Dean weak inside.
Bobby soon set about tidying away all the whisky bottles while he tried to work
through some of the stuff Dean had been rambling on about. Due dates and exams
and not being clean didn’t make a lick of sense to a normal who lived out in
the sticks for so long the rest of the world existed somewhere beyond a gold
horizon. Bobby didn’t even pretend to understand all that political crap, but
he knew they would both be alright with him for a while. He was hoping Sam
would somehow bring Castiel charging to the rescue in enough time to stop Dean
from whatever he was planning to do if he was caught. He obviously attached
little value to his own freedom but throwing himself under the bus just to make
sure the pup had a better shot at life than he did ran a lot deeper. It was all
down to one thing. No matter how many times he denied it or waved it away, Dean
would never feel complete until he was mated to Castiel. Bobby promised John
they would find each other one day. He never really expected Dean to just land
on his doorstep but the fate of those two little boys had been scratched in the
stars a long time before that. Nothing would keep them apart forever.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Pining *****
55. Pining
Castiel was still working overtime to try and convince his superiors he was
just as loyal as ever. Each miserable day lost to an endless cycle of mind-
numbing paperwork and writing up reports on what enforcement were now calling
selective omega relocation. Just a politically correct way of removing social
shame from general society. Castiel had no idea what happened to some of those
poor bastards and he didn’t want to. He had enough of his own heartache to deal
with. Most shifts were spent ticking off the painful minutes until he could
officially search for Dean again without the rest of the force questioning his
every move. Castiel missed him so much. The boredom of forced smiles and
insincere salutes was nothing compared to the private hell he endured every
night. Lying awake for hours. Pulling at memories of Dean’s scent, the innocent
shine in his beautiful eyes. Castiel was suffering the unbearable torment of
having his precious boy so close and then losing him a second time. The not
knowing was the worst. He really believed he was going to get another chance at
happiness and then Dean was gone again, just like that.
Castiel couldn’t seem to shake the strange feeling his omega really needed him.
His heart was torn between the duty to protect him from harm and the knowledge
they took off without even saying goodbye. Castiel knew Sam was his friend. He
always wanted them to be together, longed for his brother to have a strong
alpha to care for him. It made no sense. His thoughts constantly drifted back
to their unexpected meeting. Everything made him think of Dean. The cold early
mornings when he stretched out naked between empty sheets, cherished memory of
the pout on Dean’s lips when he was caught staring at Castiel’s mouth just a
little too long. The warmth of his body against soft fingertips. Such a
desperate longing wasn’t just swayed by sweet images of their first bonding.
Castiel would have happily hacked off a limb to have those moments again, but
it went so much deeper. He endlessly tossed and turned in the darkness of
lonely quarters, forcing his hands to stay above his waist when that pervasive
hint of honeyed slick invaded every thought. Castiel woke up in a cold sweat
most nights, the fear something was terribly wrong crawling under his skin like
an itch he couldn’t scratch. A sixth sense only a true mate would have. It felt
like Dean was searching for him in his dreams and calling him home.
The station was unnaturally quiet all day. Months had passed since that fateful
morning Dean disappeared from his life again. Castiel sighed and dropped his
head in his hands, resigning himself to the monotonous humiliation of desk duty
while he served out his time.
Sam had been pretty busy in Dean’s absence. He filed his petition in Washington
and hardly had a second to breathe before he was heading back up to the city to
search for Castiel. Sam didn’t know if he actually lived in New York, but he
was a constant presence at the last convention so he probably wasn’t too far
away. Sam wasn’t going to risk just walking into enforcement headquarters. He
had a plan. Dean was likely going to kill him when he found out what he
intended to do, but this was serious. Sam didn’t want a potential little niece
or nephew to go without a daddy just because Dean was set on crucifying
himself. Before he checked out of the motel, Sam sifted through the paperwork
from Smith’s case notes. He almost collapsed when he finally found what he was
looking for printed on one of the back pages. Officer Novak’s identification
number and contact details were written in fading ink at the bottom.
Castiel was still staring blankly into space, wondering for the millionth time
why Dean left him without a word. Not a single message. Nothing, just like
before. Maybe it was all in his head. He kept thinking about the little
dragonfly and he didn’t know why. Castiel was suddenly called back from his
daydream by one of the juniors yelling his name across the precinct lobby.
“Novak. Phone call. Winchester?” Castiel jumped up and almost passed out with
relief before remembering he was supposed to be a soulless dick, and managed to
straighten his tie with indifference.
“Winchester? Okay, hang on.” He pretended to glance at his watch and noticed
his hand was shaking. “I suppose I can take it.” Castiel locked the office door
from inside and scrambled for the phone. “Dean?”
“It’s me, Cas.” Sam replied. Castiel’s entire body deflated, all his breath
exhaled from both lungs in one long stream of release.
“Sam… thank God. I’ve been so worried… is everything alright? Where the hell
are you?”
“Are you fucking with me?” Castiel jerked back and blinked into the phone. He
could probably count the number of times he heard Sam curse on one hand. “I
left you a note. You never called. We haven’t heard a damn thing in months.”
“What? What note?” Castiel gasped, his head suddenly filled with white noise
while he tried to get a tentative grasp on reality. “Is Dean okay?” Castiel
asked, totally focused on making sure his love was safe. His whole heart still
ached for him.
“What do you mean, what note?” Sam frowned. “Actually, Cas - it's all a bit of
a mess. Well, was a mess.” He paused, not quite sure how to break the news Dean
had managed to give him the slip. “He ditched me.” Sam could hear Castiel
hyperventilating in the horrible silence that followed while he went through a
hundred reasons in his head why Dean would run away from the only other person
who could keep the authorities off his back. It filled him with dread. Just
like all those sleepless nights when he was pulled awake, trembling with panic.
He eventually managed to choke out a reply.
“Why would he do that? Sam… is he okay?” Castiel was suddenly on high alert,
all his protective senses honed to perfection when Sam refused to answer the
same question twice. The desire to make everything alright was so powerful he
could feel it in his blood.
“No.” Sam said at last. “I would say he’s pretty fucking far from okay.”
Castiel’s voice was painfully trapped behind a tight knot in his throat. “I’m
on my way back up to you now. Something happened, Cas.”
“Sam, I’m on six months probation. I can’t risk Dean’s safety again. I have to
hang in here for a few weeks.” He suddenly stopped. Castiel suspected the lines
were probably tapped. Autocracy and paranoia tended to go hand in hand when
mass extermination was scribbled on top of your agenda. He just had to wait it
out until he was off his stupid leash.
“Dean doesn’t have a few weeks, Cas. He needs you now.” Sam bit at his lip. As
much as he wanted to tell Castiel why his brother felt like he had to go it
alone, he wasn’t a hundred per cent sure there actually was a pup and it
wouldn’t be right to push him into raging alpha mode without a damn good
reason.
“Why? What’s wrong? Where is he?” Castiel demanded, questions coming fast and
frantic in his desperation. “Sam… where is he?”
“I don’t know.”
The quiet pause told Sam something had been missing since the second they
separated again. He heard the fear in Castiel’s voice, imagining every minute
since they parted was filled with hopelessness, breath hitching every time Sam
said Dean’s name. Castiel couldn’t hide the need for them to be together. There
was a rip inside his very core that would never mend without Dean. Castiel
loved everything about him. Sam put his last drop of self-restraint into
keeping his suspicions behind his teeth, but he knew he had to get them
together again soon. His friend was falling into a black pit of despair. Lost
and broken without Dean.
Castiel was pining.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean slept most of the day away. Bobby could hear his deep breaths when he
walked past the door, almost tempted to shake him awake a couple of times when
he heard him cry out. He was strung-out and jumpy, mumbling something
incoherent through restless dreams every time he turned over on to his stomach.
Didn’t take more than a handful of brain cells to figure out whose name was on
his lips. Bobby heard him stirring just before supper and dug out some old
papers he filed away since before Dean left Haven. He kept them safe all that
time in case the boys came looking for answers one day. He dumped them on the
edge of his desk and scuttled off to see if he could salvage anything to make
the lad a snack. Bobby was pretty sure it passed for healthy if it wasn’t
whisky or potato chips. Dean stopped him in the doorway after a two-minute-long
trip to the bathroom. He looked a better colour, but there was a haunting
emptiness behind his eyes that would stay there until he had those two little
dots of blood marking his neck.
“How you feelin’, kid?” Bobby smiled at him. His own eyes sparkled in the glow
of a small fire he set in the grate to stop Dean from shivering. “Better?” Dean
nodded and sat down opposite with his legs spread apart so he could get
comfortable. “Good. Now we can have a proper chat, if you think yer up to it.
There’s some stuff I shoulda told you a long time ago. I’m real sorry, Dean.”
“Why would you be sorry?” Dean asked, through a wide yawn. He could have slept
for a week if he hadn’t been so desperate to take another leak. “You always
tried to help me… help us.” He added. It was kind of nice to think of them as a
couple, even if it was only in his head. Bobby picked up the stack of papers
and leafed through them.
“It’s not that. I just feel like I let ya down ‘cause I didn’t explain it all
properly when you were kids. S’pose I didn’t think you were ready.” He wasn’t
sure Dean was ready now but he’d held off far too long already. He gave Dean a
few seconds to shuffle into a decent position. “You ever wonder why it always
hurt so bad when you got split up? Why it still hurts.” Bobby studied Dean’s
face. He didn’t deny it. “True mates got a connection that never goes away.”
Dean had all the signs. Intense emotions. Something much deeper than a physical
pain. “Like it goes right down into your spirit. Makes you inseparable, no
matter how much time goes by. When you really love someone like that, you’d
wait forever to be with them.” Dean fell quiet again. It always felt like it
was just him and Cas against the world. Nothing ever made him feel as safe and
protected like he did when Castiel wrapped his arms around him. Bobby could see
his eyes misting over. Wasn’t much of a leap to guess who he was thinking
about. “You know, it doesn’t matter how long you have to wait for him, son and
I’ll tell you this for nothing. Whatever you got goin’ on inside, you can bet
he’s feeling it too. If Cas really is your true mate, he’ll always find you.
Let’s just hope it’s sooner rather than later so you got that boy to hold your
hand when you really need him.”
“Bobby.” Dean warned. He knew exactly what he meant and had been trying to push
that graphic image from his mind all afternoon, like something splashed across
the cover of a hentai comic. He already spent the last four months trying to
justify why he was still alone after Castiel swore so many declarations of
undying love. Maybe he just finally got what he wanted from Dean and moved on.
He felt his hand being drawn back down again, not wanting to admit how much
that hurt. “Cas has got more important stuff to do than look for me.”
“I doubt it.” Bobby said quietly. Dean started twirling the tiny dragonfly
between his fingers while he thought about those plump pink lips and murmured
something into his chest.
“I can still smell him sometimes when I close my eyes. Not like he is now, but
the Cas I used to know.”
“He’s still the same, Dean. You just forgot that.”
“I didn’t forget.” Dean blinked. “We drifted apart, ended up on different sides
of a stupid war omegas don’t have a chance of winning.” His eyes were drawn
back up to the fire, hypnotized so completely by the dancing flames he didn’t
have enough sense to stop his mouth from moving. “I really love him, Bobby… but
letting him claim me would be a waste of all those years trying to stand up for
myself.”
“Ever thought about it the other way round?” Bobby asked. Dean was opening up
like a budding flower now he had someone to listen with limitless patience. He
felt like he could pour his heart out without any fear of judgement. Bobby had
a few pointers he’d been waiting on for over two decades. He had no intention
of missing his cue.
“What you mean?”
“Dean, you sure all that fightin’ didn’t just plaster over who you really are?
It’s against your nature - ” Bobby hesitated before thinking fuck it, and said
it anyway. “…and an insult to everything that mattered to you last time you and
Cas were together.” Dean reckoned he was probably supposed to be pissed about
the way Bobby dismissed most of his life like it meant nothing until he
realized he was right. He had grown up into someone he was never supposed to
be.
“Dunno. Never thought about it like that before. Just seemed like the right
thing to do, considering. I sure as hell wasn’t gonna take all that crap on my
knees.”
“I’m not sayin’ you should, but you got so caught up in it you got lost along
the way. Imagine you could go back and change it. Would you let Cas bite you so
you could stay together?” Bobby felt his gaze being pulled to the delicate
charm where it twinkled in the amber firelight, waiting for the answer he
already knew was coming.
“In a heartbeat.”
“He’s still in there, Dean. I don’t think you realize how much it’s gonna hurt
him when he finds out you took his pup away.” Dean wasn’t sure when Bobby
decided he was on the cheer-leading squad for team Cas.
“Thought you were supposed to be on my side?” Bobby sat down next to Dean and
stared him square in the eye, a silent understanding passing between them.
“I am on your side.” He gave Dean the look he always had when he could manage
to say a hundred things at once without speaking a single word. “That’s why I’m
telling you this. At least let him explain how he feels. Give that boy a chance
to win back your heart.” Dean didn’t bother to point out he still had it, or
‘that boy’ was almost thirty-seven, and knew exactly how to work it.
“I did, Bobby. Against everything I believe in, I did. I gave him another
chance and he never came back for me.”
“Well, I still call horse shit on that. Somethin’ musta happened, and I ain’t
racked up a lifetime of experience just to let someone I care about throw their
future away 'cause they got a stubborn streak a mile wide. I want you to be
happy, son… that’s all.”
Happy. Dean could hardly remember what that felt like. So many years hiding
behind the flag of omega rights had given him a purpose, made him think he was
doing something to make a difference but he was still hollow inside. It was
meaningless without Cas. All of it.
Happy was a long time ago when his life was filled with sunshine and blue eyes.
Free to spend lazy days wrapped around each other without a care in the world.
He never realized how lucky they were just being able to be together. Bobby
eventually stood up and handed Dean several pages of notes. “Have a read. True
love sometimes goes beyond all that, Dean. Something you feel right down to the
blood in your veins. You still got that look.” Bobby left Dean nursing his
thoughts and his belly and went to make him something to eat before he passed
out from starvation. Bobby would have bet his last dime he wasn’t taking care
of himself like he should. He soon came back through with a rather
questionable-looking sandwich, distracted by how much damage had been done by
breaking such a profound bond. “Give Cas enough time to prove he can be the man
you want him to be.” Dean didn’t reply straight away but all that talking about
Castiel had got him to thinking about how they met.
“Maybe I should have a little walk down to the pond.” Dean suggested suddenly.
He still had no appetite and it seemed like the water was calling out to him
somehow. “Might make me feel better.”
“Or worse. I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Dean.” Bobby tried. “Haven ain’t
exactly a hot spot on the enforcement map but you shouldn’t go wandering around
on your own, just in case.” Dean knew how vulnerable he was now. A faint shadow
of the cocky smart-mouth he was before Castiel crept back into every empty
space. The things Bobby said had pulled at his heart. Dean was desperate to dig
out some old memories just to make that link to the past and remember what it
was like to be happy. Coming back to the place they first fell in love made
Dean realize how much he missed him.
Every sign was there. Castiel was the first person he thought of when he woke
up in the morning, where his mind drifted in dark hours when he was sad. If he
had a crappy day or just wanted someone to hold him close. Dean had been
kidding himself he was fine. His thoughts always filtered their way back to
Cas. Bobby could see it too. From aimlessly caressing the silver dragonfly to
the meaningful little sighs every time he gazed into some imaginary distance.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Castiel, and it wasn’t just because of the pup.
Dean was pining.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Meaningless *****
56. Meaningless
Sam guessed it would take most of the weekend to hitch back upstate. Dean
cleaned out his pockets before he ran away and fake credit cards took a couple
of days to get right. He lay awake most nights, worried sick about his brother
being out there on his own for the first time. He never knew he made a break
for Kansas until Bobby got in touch the next morning and swore him to secrecy,
insisting he was only doing what he thought was best for the kid and that was
an end to it. Dean was still asleep when he popped outside to give Sam a quick
call and put his mind at rest. He had to sit down when his knees almost gave
way with relief. Dean couldn’t have picked anywhere better to tear off to. Sam
started to give up hope he would even get in to see Castiel now. CORP had
tightened up security since the relocation program went public and death
threats were as common as yesterday’s news. He managed to get another message
through and prayed this one found its mark. Sam felt bad about it, but
sometimes you have to do the wrong thing for the right reason. Dean would never
agree to meet him willingly, still convinced Castiel got what he wanted and
moved on.
Officer Novak only had another couple of weeks before he would be free to
resume his rank in enforcement. The months had been hard on him. Sam suspected
his priority case would be to track down the elusive Dean Smith now he was on
CORP’s most wanted after dodging the exam. That was exactly what Castiel had
planned, but it wasn’t to bring him in. Weeks of pining had made up his mind he
was going to offer Dean the world and beg for a chance to make it up to him. On
his knees, if he had to.
Sam said he would call Bobby when Castiel let him know he was on his way down
there. He would keep everything else to himself for now and they could work to
get them together again. Bobby confirmed the news about the pup and told Sam he
would keep them both safe, but Dean was stubborn as all hell so he wasn’t
making any promises about being able to hold him there for long. Bobby managed
to stall him from heading over to Eighth Street so far. He wasn’t ready to let
all those childhood dreams back in and believed in his heart if Dean ever
wandered down there again, he should go with Castiel’s hand in his own. The
pond had always been their little sanctuary, suspended in time and memory when
everything was perfect and they were just boys in love. There was no way of
knowing what that place would do to Dean if he went down there alone.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean stayed at Bobby’s for almost two weeks, blissfully oblivious to the covert
operation going on behind his back. He was six months along and too big to hide
it anymore, even with one of Bobby’s shitty over-sized work shirts. Sam and
Bobby hated lying to Dean, but he had to pull his head out his ass and start
thinking about what was best for all of them, especially the little one. Sam
told Castiel a lie to get him down to Haven. Making out there was someone they
knew who might have some news on Dean. Castiel ripped his way through the corn-
coloured countryside the second his probation was up. He didn’t even waste time
in telling the super where he was going except he had a hot lead and would
report back asap. Castiel spent most of the trip daydreaming about just how hot
that lead was. The hope of tracking Dean down was too much of a temptation to
ignore. Being able to find him and explain why he never came back shoved his
heart up into his mouth all the way across the state line.
Bobby already had the heads-up from Sam, and ushered Dean outside to sit in the
sunshine on some bullshit pretext the vitamin D was good for the baby. Dean had
been pining just as much as Castiel. He tried to force some of his doubt away,
still drained from a sleepless night after making a fateful decision about
their future. Dean needed his alpha more than ever but would be damned if he
was gonna admit that to himself. He was tilting his face up to the sun and
inhaling all that wonderful fresh air when he heard a broken gasp behind him,
hardly daring to turn around when a rough voice breathed his name.
“Cas?” Dean knew the answer before he looked over his shoulder and into that
fierce blue gaze. He wanted to say something meaningful but his mouth kept
moving over empty space. Castiel instinctively ran to him, making a grab for
his shoulders. He spun him around, hugging Dean tight enough to almost make him
pass out. He couldn’t stop the omega in him submitting to the lure of Castiel’s
searching mouth when his alpha kissed him so hard his lips started tingling.
Dean was lost in the moment, too stunned to do anything but let Castiel lick at
the tip of his tongue. All the promises he made to himself didn’t mean shit
when Castiel’s mouth was pressed up against his own like that. Castiel finally
managed to pull his lips away from Dean’s face and reached for his hands before
taking a step back just to admire him. As soon as his eyes moved south, he was
staring at the unmistakable curve of Dean's growing bump where his t-shirt was
stretched over a pup.
“Dean?” Castiel gasped, hesitantly reaching out one shaky hand towards the
swollen belly. “Are you - ” He couldn’t even manage to choke the word out. Dean
didn’t see any point in denying it and nodded before hanging his head. Just so
he didn’t have to look into those demanding eyes. “Is it mine?” Dean's head
snapped back up.
“'Course it is, fucks sake.” That was insulting. Castiel looked so shocked,
Dean tried to make his voice a bit softer. It wasn’t every day you found out
you knocked up another dude after a one-time roll in the hay. “Cas, you know
I’ve never been with anyone else.” Castiel’s mouth already dropped open, a
hundred conflicting emotions filling his head with so much noise he thought he
was going to throw up. He didn’t know how to feel, but he suddenly got very
defensive and dropped his hand.
“Why would you keep that from me?”
“I didn’t know where you were.” Dean said quietly. He couldn’t even find it in
him to be mad anymore, and hoped Bobby was right. Maybe Cas did have a damn
good reason for staying away. “You never came back.” Castiel couldn’t say sorry
enough. Everything he ever did, he did for Dean but it only ended up hurting
more in the end.
“Dean, I wanted to. Christ, you don’t know how hard it was to be away from you.
I felt like I was dying… but I had to. I wanted to make sure you were safe. Sam
told me you needed me but I didn’t know why. I’m so sorry. If he'd told me you
were carrying my pup I would have run every last step of the way to get here.”
Dean was so pissed at Sam for snitching on him, he didn’t reply. Castiel was
still drooling over the baby like it was the most awesome thing he’d ever seen.
“Can I touch it?” He was too excited to wait for an answer and carefully
smoothed his palms over the curves of Dean’s stomach. He could feel a tiny
flutter under his fingertips and that was the second Dean saw him crumble.
Castiel was so happy he just burst into tears. Dean didn’t know where to put
himself and chalked it up to too many late nights and boring road trips making
him soft. Castiel wiped the back of his hand across his eyes so slowly it was
almost like he didn’t want to rub so many tears of happiness away. “Holy shit.”
He let them sit on his cheeks while it sank in. “I’m going to be a dad.” His
voice was a little stronger when he finally managed to pull himself together.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why do you think?” Dean dropped his head again and stared at the cracks under
his feet, kicking at the pavement while he tried hopelessly to cover up the
bump with his jacket. “I’m so ashamed, Cas.” Dean dragged in a deep breath and
turned his face away. “After everything I said, I still let an alpha take me.”
“Ashamed… of my pup?”
“No - not that. Never that." Dean dared to move in close enough to feel the
warmth of a man he still loved with every last piece of his heart. “Ashamed of
how weak I was. How weak you make me feel.” Castiel soaked in the feeling he
missed so much.
“Dean, you know that’s what I always wanted. To have a family with you. Be
together. You used to tease me about it, remember? Suppose we thought it was
never gonna happen when we were kids but fuck me, I never expected this.”
Castiel now had another beautiful reason to beg Dean to let him make that final
claim. “I told you when we were young me and you were for life. I’m so happy,
Dean.” Castiel breathed against his cheek. “I love you. I never stopped loving
you. Please don’t take that away from me again.” The passionate whisper
stroking his face was enough to make Dean lean in without thinking and they
were suddenly kissing so desperately Dean could hardly breathe. Castiel dragged
his mouth down to suck at his neck. Searching hands were all over his body,
sliding them down over Dean's ass to pull him in close enough to grind his hips
against him. Every feral instinct rushed back when Castiel breathed in the
scent of a pregnant omega. His pregnant omega. Dean would have willingly died
in that possessive embrace if he could. So many years of needing his alpha to
love him made Dean fold against his body, but the guilt of a decision he
already made before Castiel was back in the picture was leaving a bad taste in
his mouth. It was wonderful to feel rough stubble burning his skin again but it
didn’t change anything.
“Wait… just wait.” Dean swallowed down a gasp of air and reluctantly eased
Castiel away from him with a gentle push against his chest. “Cas, it’s not as
easy as that. You know what enforcement are doing.” Dean didn’t want anything
to drag him back into that chaos. “I’m doin' okay here, you know. I haven’t
felt this safe for a long time.” He was pretty sure Castiel could be trusted
not to turn him in. He knew where he was now anyway so the rest of it didn’t
mean shit. “I’m gonna hide out at Bobby’s until the baby comes.” Castiel felt
every muscle tense. Something about the way Dean was biting into his lip made
him uneasy.
“What do you mean, until the baby comes?” Dean ran his tongue between his lips.
Going against every natural instinct made him want to cry.
“I can’t keep it.” The only sound Dean could hear was the throb of his own
heartbeat through unforgiving silence. Castiel reached out for Dean’s hand, but
he pulled away as soon as he felt trembling fingers on his skin.
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes I do.”
“Dean Winchester, you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me and I
swear I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.” Castiel waited. Dean
couldn’t even glance up at him. “Is that what you want?”
“No, that’s not what I want but I don’t believe in happy endings, Cas. Not
anymore.”
“Don’t say that.” Castiel sighed, the relief washing over him like a wave. “Let
me help, Dean… please. I can look after you and the baby. I won’t let anyone
hurt you.” Dean didn’t bother pointing out stuff like that wasn’t exactly going
to win him over when most of the hurt had come from him.
“No, Cas. I’ve made up my mind.” Dean wanted it. He wanted it so badly it
ached, but it wasn’t their time. The world was a dangerous place and Dean knew
nothing could bring back the past. He remembered how persuasive a single touch
from his alpha could be. That’s how he got in trouble in the first place.
Castiel was still so dominant, Dean longed to submit to everything he asked for
but he couldn’t risk it. “They’ll take it away, Cas. I know they will.” Dean
stammered. “I’m not gonna let my pup have to go through the same shit I did. I
want to give it to someone who can look after it – keep it safe. Not locked up
in some government facility somewhere.” Even thinking about what might happen
after it was born was too hard. His first duty to that little life was to
defend and protect, but this was the only way to save their baby from a society
that had been so cruel to him. Castiel looked like something had just devoured
him from the inside out and laid every one of his emotions to waste.
“Dean, just listen to me. If you do that, then they’ve won. Please don’t give
those bastards the satisfaction.” It was a decent point when he put it like
that, but Cas would say that. He was one of them. For all he hated the system,
he still polished that damn star every night before he climbed into his billet.
“Please try and understand.” Dean murmured.
“Understand what? That I don’t have a say in it?” Castiel could feel the
frustration build until it was suffocating. “Dean, don’t.” He begged. “It’s not
right.” Dean almost collapsed with shock when Castiel suddenly dropped to his
knees. He grabbed Dean round the middle and pressed one cheek into his hip.
Dean’s eyes darted around nervously in case anyone was watching.
“Cas, for fucks sake get up. Don’t do that… and don’t tell me what’s right. You
have no idea how I feel.”
“Because you don’t tell me!” Castiel never shouted at Dean but he couldn’t stop
himself from letting the pain take over. “You don’t have to do that.
Everything's gonna be okay if you trust me. I promise.” Dean made the mistake
of looking into his eyes. The need to take another kiss almost overpowered him
but every little stab of sadness had carved an emptiness that haunted him ever
since.
“Broken promises are what made me have to leave. I knew that’s what you’d say.
I always know, Cas.” Castiel refused to let go of Dean’s waist.
“Dean, I can protect you now. Why the hell else would I put myself through six
months of misery? You don’t have to hide anymore.”
“Don't I? So I can prove what they say about us is true?” Castiel staggered to
his feet, but his eyes were still begging Dean to take the heartache back.
“Show the world I’m everything people say I am - nothing more than a little
knot slut.”
“Dean.” Castiel felt a twist in his stomach that Dean would really believe
something so horrible, even for a second. “We both know that’s not true.”
“Look at me, Cas.” Dean’s voice was breaking with emotion when his hand reached
down protectively, not sure if the pounding heartbeat was his own. “What would
you think if you didn’t know me?” Castiel was frowning at him like he didn’t
understand the question. Dean took his silence as an answer he didn't want.
“Exactly. Just what your precious enforcement’s gonna think… a meaningless one-
night stand.” Castiel had kept his happy memories locked away in his heart
since that last summer together over twenty years ago when he loved Dean with
everything he had.
Meaningless wasn’t exactly the word he would have used.
“For Christ’s sake, Dean... I don’t give a fuck about enforcement. Let me claim
you.” Castiel suddenly burst out, pawing at Dean’s shoulders in desperation.
“Please, Dean. We can raise the pup together.” Dean couldn’t get his head
around the idea anyone with so much life experience in a dictatorial hell-hole
like the CORP could still be so hopelessly naïve. Dean was pregnant and
unmated. It made him a prime target.
“Just because I got myself knocked up doesn’t mean a damn thing. You don’t have
to be claimed to take a ball load of alpha sperm.” Dean looked down again.
“Obviously.” He wanted Cas to be free, to have a better life without him
hanging round his neck like a stone. He didn’t deserve to be trapped by someone
so worthless, someone society would step over in the street. Dean didn’t expect
the next sentence to hurt as much as it did when he forced it out. “I know what
I have to do, and I don’t want anything from you so just be thankful you dodged
a big bullet.” Dean had to stop himself from loving again. It wasn’t fair to
burden anyone else with his crap. He moved away but Castiel was too quick and
blocked his exit by flinging his entire body in front of Dean with his arms
stretched wide.
“Maybe I didn’t want to dodge it.” Castiel was so upset, he was almost
hysterical. Dean could see his eyes filling up again. “Maybe I wanted to throw
myself in front of it and take that shot right to my heart.” Dean's eyes
flickered. No one had ever been so devoted to him. He knew his resolve was
weakening and needed to leave before his will to do the right thing was worn
away completely.
“I’m sorry, Cas. I am. But your baby deserves a better chance at life than
anything I have to give.” Castiel felt his heart being yanked out when Dean
finally walked away from him.
“Dean?” Castiel tried, one last time. “Please… my pup.” The pain in that husky
voice had steadily started to wear him down and Dean couldn’t stand to listen
anymore. “Pookie?” Dean suddenly stopped at the unexpected use of a pet name
Castiel gave him when they were young. He hesitated, just for a second like he
might have been drawn back. Dean managed to resist the desire to turn around,
forcefully wrapping his jacket across his body as best he could over the
expanding bump and carried on up the street without looking back. He wanted to
run. Run away from life, from Haven, and from those sad blue eyes that had
burned their way right into his conscience. That was the second time Castiel
told Dean how much he cared for him, and the second time he walked away.
Castiel watched his childhood friend with blurry eyes until he was eventually
lost to shadows beyond the path that called Dean back to dragonfly pond.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Reflections *****
57. Reflections
Castiel was left standing in Bobby’s yard in bits when he heard a gentle cough
behind him.
“Well, ain’t you a sight for sore eyes. How are you, lad?” As soon as Castiel
turned, Bobby realized it was the stupidest thing he could have said. His
cheeks were still wet, body crumpled over in defeat like he had the weight of
the world on his shoulders. “Everythin’ alright?”
“No.” Castiel forced a laugh to try and hide all the pain Dean just threw at
him. “Not really.”
“Take it you saw him, then.”
“That obvious, is it?” Castiel walked over to give Bobby’s hand a long overdue
shake. He never forgot how much he tried to help them. The old man returned a
weary smile and patted him on the shoulder.
“He’ll come round. Trust me.”
“I don’t know, Bobby. He didn’t seem all that happy to see me.” Castiel hated
how much that hurt. “But thanks, anyway. Sam told me you’ve been looking out
for him. I don’t suppose he’s made it very easy for you.” Bobby laughed and
shook his head.
“Well, he ain’t exactly been a ray o'sunshine, but he’s doin’ okay now. Good as
he can be. 'Course he’s glad you’re back, son and so am I. He’s been pining
somethin’ terrible.” Castiel wasn’t sure that was true, but even the hope Dean
might have thought about him at all made his heart just a tiny bit lighter.
“He has?”
“Yep. I need a damn medal for putting up with it. Moonin’ about all day long.”
Castiel actually smiled.
“I’ve really missed him. I didn’t know, Bobby. I swear, I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well don’t you worry, kid. I already kicked his ass for not tellin’ ya.
He’s scared, is all. Can’t say I blame him.” He screwed up his face when he
thought about it in too much detail. He couldn’t imagine having to go through
something like that. “He has been a bit on the sensitive side lately. He just
needs to know someone’s watchin' out for him.”
“But that should have been me.” Castiel said suddenly. “It’s my duty to take
care of him. He’s mine.” Bobby squinted at him in surprise. He hadn’t exactly
done a bang-up job of it so far. “In my heart he is, anyway.” Castiel
explained. “I’m not sure Dean would agree.” Many long evenings by the fire
together convinced Bobby he knew how Dean felt inside but it wasn’t his place
to drop him in it, so he left Castiel with a few hints.
“Don’t give up just yet. That boy still loves you to death, and once he gets
some sense knocked inta that thick head he’ll figure out what’s best.” Castiel
sighed while his gaze drifted back to the space where Dean was before he walked
away. The alpha inside him wasn’t going to back down this time. Castiel swore
he would never let Dean go again, no matter what happened to the pup. He would
fight to reclaim his omega’s heart until his last breath.
“I wish I really believed that.” His voice was so sad and desperate, Bobby
wanted to hug him. “But it’s nice you think so.”
“Not think - know.” Bobby replied. The way he said it made Castiel’s eyes flick
back to him. “He told me.”
“He did?” Castiel whispered. “He’s never actually said it to me. Dean told me a
long time ago he didn’t think he could ever love anyone else, but those three
little words I only hear in my dreams - not once.”
“Yeah, but I think it was just dumb luck. He was half-starved and dopey as hell
so reckon I just caught him right.” Castiel was staring at him hopefully.
“He really said he loves me?”
“No, I’m lyin'.” Bobby had been wound like a screw trying to make sure Dean had
everything he needed. The pressure must have finally got to him now he had
someone to vent to. Castiel was frowning at him in confusion. “Sorry. It’s been
kinda hard these last few weeks. Didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
“That’s okay. I probably deserve it.” Castiel almost asked Bobby if he knew
what Dean intended to do with the pup but it wouldn’t come out. “I feel so bad
I wasn’t here for him. It’s a long story, but I had to stay. I wanted to make
sure Dean was safe but now I don’t think he’ll understand.”
“You gotta cut him a bitta slack, Cas. Imagine how he must feel after
everything he did for the cause. If you want my opinion, he almost lost it back
there for a while.” Bobby added, with a sigh. Castiel could never hope to
justify all the ways he failed Dean over the years but he was going to change
all that, even if it took the rest of his life to put it right. He let out a
huge rush of air and sat down on a broken chevy hood with a bump, wondering how
the innocent bond between true mates could have gone so horribly wrong.
“I know what you must think of me. Please - ” Castiel stopped him when Bobby
opened his mouth to protest. “Don’t defend me. I really thought I was helping
Dean. I just messed everything up and I really want to fix it. More than
anything.”
“You do, huh?” Bobby’s eyes were smiling. He knew how much Dean needed to hear
that. Castiel nodded, his gaze still fixed on the end of the road where he
watched Dean’s back disappear into the shadows.
“I really do.”
“Cas?”
“Hmm.”
“What the hell you doin’ still talking to me?” Castiel hesitated for a second.
He knew what he had to do and jumped up, turning to smile over his shoulder
before deciding to run after Dean like a lap dog.
“Thanks, Bobby.”
Castiel instinctively knew where he was going. He set his shoulders in
determination and followed Dean, not sure he was ready for what might be
waiting when he crossed behind the field at the bottom of Eighth Street. So
many years had passed since he watched the dragonflies down by the pond, but it
still felt like home. It was where they belonged. Castiel could feel his heart
pounding when he saw the familiar line of trees at the end of the path. He drew
in a deep breath and scrambled down the bank. Everything fell into the pit of
his stomach when he looked out across the meadow. Dean was sitting by the edge
of the water with his legs pulled up as far as they would go, his head resting
on his knees. Dean understood why he hadn’t gone back there before. It still
stung like a bitch. His shoulders were shaking.
Castiel trod so silently through the long grass he didn’t make a sound, but
Dean seemed to sense him approach. He quickly rubbed at his face, never
imagining the damage it would do to be there alone. He wasn’t alone now. Dean
could still feel the wetness drying on his cheeks, but at least his alpha was
there with him. That was something. Castiel never said a word when he sat down
behind him, spreading one leg either side of Dean’s hips and shuffling down the
grass until he could feel the warmth of Dean’s back against his chest.
“Come here.”
“Cas.” Dean warned. “Don’t try and talk me out of it.”
“Dean, come here.” Castiel said again. Dean was staring out across the water
like it could somehow carry him away to some place in his imagination where
everything was perfect. Castiel edged forward and wrapped his arms all the way
around Dean’s middle. He couldn’t even touch the ends of his fingers together.
Dean’s rigid pretense gave a little when he leaned back and let his alpha
support his body. “That’s not why I came. I can’t make decisions like that for
you. I don’t have the right after so many years of letting you down.”
“That was a low blow, Cas.” Dean said quietly. “You know it always gets me when
you call me that.”
“Sorry.” Castiel whispered into his hair. “It just kinda slipped out.”
They sat for a long time in silence until Dean had to move again to stop his
back from aching. He crawled over to the pond, his little round belly rubbing
against the bluegrass while he peered over the edge. Dean was watching the
gentle sway of water when Castiel’s head appeared, looking back at him from a
wavy reflection. It almost felt like they were young boys again just being
there together. Safe and free. Dean thought Castiel looked very tired. Worn
down and broken from so much guilt. He felt like he should say something. The
first thought in his head rushed out, and Dean soon wished he could take it
back.
“You got a few more lines than you used to.”
“Yeah, well.” Castiel hummed, the blue of his eyes shining back from the
shifting surface. “That’s your fault, and nobody’s perfect. You got fat.” It
was the first time Castiel had really seen Dean smile for over two decades.
“And that’s your fault.”
“I can take that.” Castiel huddled up a bit more, smart enough not to push it.
Sometimes he felt like he was dying inside without claiming Dean after so long
but a single touch would have happily seen him through another twenty-four
years if it had to. Dean seemed to be hypnotized by the lull of the water and
almost toppled forward when he forgot to overcompensate for being so bottom-
heavy. “Be careful.” Castiel gasped, quickly reaching out to pull him back. The
worry in his voice was actually kind of sweet but Dean wasn’t going to give in
to all his instincts just yet. He might have made honest mistakes, but Cas had
some serious ass-kissing to do. Like explaining where the fuck he was when a
couple of hours turned into six long months.
“Cas, I’ve been fine my whole life without you. I think I can stop myself from
fallin’ into a pond.” He let Castiel ease him back anyway and they cuddled up
next to the bank. Dean was curling into him. Castiel hadn’t felt so completely
at peace since he was thirteen.
“Have you really, Dean?” He said in a low voice, like he was almost scared to
know the answer. “Been fine, I mean.”
“Yeah, 'course.” Dean lied. Just because it was easier to pretend. The little
twitch in his cheek gave Dean away but Castiel let him have it anyway.
“I haven’t… not even close.” Castiel admitted. No more lies. They had cost him
so much already. “I just wanted another chance to show you how sorry I am, and
I screwed that up as well.”
“Hey.” Dean said suddenly. Castiel could hear the warmth filtering back into
his voice. So many years of heartache almost disappeared like they were never
there while Castiel aimlessly stroked Dean's hair. “You didn’t know, Cas and I
don’t wanna fight anymore. But what did you mean about putting yourself through
hell? Just be honest about why you didn’t come back.” He could feel Castiel
take in a deep breath beneath him, and didn’t hesitate to tell Dean the truth.
“Enforcement put me on probation so I could get my star back and protect you. I
felt so helpless without it. I missed you every second, Dean. I know you
probably don’t believe me, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You always do.” Dean was lost in thought while insects swirled high above
their heads in the sunshine. “Why would you do that for me?”
“Dean.” Castiel sighed. “Have you ever listened to a word I've said? Because I
fucking love you, idiot. How many more times do you want me to say it?”
Castiel’s enduring loyalty somehow managed to cast Dean back to long forgotten
memories of a budding alpha who always filled his heart with happiness. There
was nothing he wouldn’t give in that moment to have that feeling again. He
tipped his head back and closed his eyes.
“Maybe just a couple more.”
“I love you.” Castiel murmured, smiling against Dean’s skin while he kissed the
back of his neck and nuzzled at him with his nose. “Always have. Always will.
You’re my life, and I love you.” Castiel wanted so desperately to tell him how
much he suffered without Dean to hold in his arms every night. “You don’t know
how lonely it’s been without you.” Every dark dream, every minute of
hopelessness was scored so deep, Dean wasn’t sure he would ever heal completely
but part of him still wanted to try.
“I think I do.”
“I’m so sorry, Dean. Sorry for everything. I’ve missed you so much. Missed
this. I would spend a lifetime here with you if I could.”
“You can’t miss me if I’m always here, remember?” Dean tried to smile again,
but he was so overcome with happy memories of their little pond he could hardly
speak at all.
“Dean.” Castiel suddenly panicked when Dean realized what he was going to say
next. It fell out his mouth in a whisper.
“You’re not staying.”
Castiel didn’t answer right away. He just hugged Dean like his life depended on
it.
“I can’t.” He said slowly. “I already risked so much by coming here. If I don’t
go back and report in, they’ll know something’s up and the last six months will
all have been for nothing. I have to stop them hunting us down.” Dean was so
quiet, Castiel wasn’t sure he was still breathing. “Listen, I don’t know what
my future holds. That’s up to you, Dean but I can take a couple of days just to
be here. Be with my family.” Dean could feel the tears coming again. Castiel
exhaled that last word like he really meant it. “We lost so much time already.
So many things have kept us apart. My father. Life. Stupid tags and a fucked up
system someone needs to raze to the ground. I don’t want to let another minute
pass us by. I won’t be very far away until it’s safe to come back for you.”
Dean felt sick. It sounded like a lifetime away.
“I’m not strong, Cas.” He admitted softly, scared Castiel was thinking he would
be alright to have the pup without him. “Everyone thinks I am, but I’m not.
Even when I was the biggest mouth at all those omega rights conventions. You
don’t understand how I feel when you’re not here.”
“'Cause you never tell me how you feel. About anything. About me. I have to
second guess every look, every smile. I know you were only doing what you
thought was right, and now I’m asking you to do the same for my baby.” Castiel
was caressing Dean’s stomach without even realizing what he was doing. “I would
beg on my knees if you asked me to.”
“You already did that, Cas.” Dean actually felt bad he dismissed Castiel so
easily when his alpha was weeping at his hip.
“Hmm… and you told me to get up.” Dean knew Cas wasn’t pissed at him anymore.
He was nestled up behind him, tracing seductive kisses down the back of his
neck. Dean felt something stir underneath the pup but it was pressing down on
his arousal and just made him want to change position again. Dean stretched out
on his back and waited for it to go down. He hadn’t seen his junk for weeks.
Castiel felt it too but satisfied himself with possessive touches, gazing at
every line of that beautiful face in silent thought. Dean’s eyes fluttered shut
for a second in the warmth of the afternoon sun. “I won’t push you, but just
promise me when it’s time we can talk about it. I would give up everything to
keep us all together. So long as you know that, Dean.” Castiel reached down for
his hand and squeezed so hard the tips of his fingers started to prickle. “I
want you to know that.” Dean nodded but he didn’t reply. “Anyway, I’m gonna
make the most of the few days we have and spoil you like I should 'til I have
to go back. Can you at least give me that?”
“Yeah.” It was easy to say when he could feel soft lips worshipping his throat.
It almost took Dean’s breath away when he thought about how lucky he was to
have the love of someone so wonderful. He didn’t deserve it. Never had. “I can
give you that.” Castiel smiled and lovingly stroked one hand over the pup. Dean
saw him go all dewy eyed again when he carefully rested his head on the bump.
There was so much concentration on his face Dean almost laughed. “Cas, you’re
not gonna be able to hear anything yet.” Castiel hushed him. His mouth broke
into a wide smile when something tickled his cheek. He planted a little kiss on
Dean’s belly before shuffling back up the bank so he could look into his eyes.
“I’m sorry I got mad earlier. What you were saying about having to give it up
and everything… I didn't know what to do, Dean. It ripped me apart. I’ll try
and understand, but you can’t stop me from holding on to the hope you’ll change
your mind when it comes. You’ve always been the most important thing in my
life. Please let me have a few days to show you just how precious you both are
to me.” Castiel kissed him again. “You and me are going to spend the rest of
the day snuggled up in bed with chocolate ice cream.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Three Little Words *****
58. Three Little Words
Dean could have stayed there for hours. Having Castiel wrapped around him in
their special place made him feel like nothing else mattered. The sun was
shining down, omega senses filled with the powerful scent of drooling alpha
where Castiel was curled up next to him on the bank. Dean dared to let some
hope back in for the first time since that last day in Haven before his life
changed forever.
“How long?” He murmured, slowly turning his face away from the sunlight so he
could look at him. “How long can you stay with me?” It sounded a little more
desperate than he intended. God knows he buried it deep enough, but his Cas
always seemed to bring out the gentle submissive inside him with a single
touch. Castiel gave him a soft smile. He wanted to say it was forever but they
both knew that was impossible. He wasn’t going to give Dean false hope or make
any more promises he wasn’t sure he could keep.
“A couple of days.” Castiel sighed, almost like an apology. “I wish it could be
more but I have to make them think you’re long gone. Believe me, there’s
nowhere I’d rather be than right here next to you.” Castiel knew he was doing
alright so far when he saw Dean’s eyelashes flutter. All he needed was a bit of
attention. “I’ll do my best to send them hunting in the wrong direction.” Dean
mumbled a quiet thank you under his breath. “I might have made a mess of
everything but whatever I did, it was always for you. To keep you safe.”
Castiel added, reaching down to touch his baby. “Now I have two of you to
protect.”
Dean was going to cry again if he didn’t drag Castiel away from his little pep
talk. He wasn’t used to being showered with so much open affection and many
years of holding it all in were released in a flood. Dean was suddenly lapping
it up like he used to. Maybe Castiel coming back to Haven had set something
free inside him, that bitchy revolutionary content to take a well-earned
vacation. They both soon slipped back into the way they were when they were
boys. Castiel was grabby and sentimental and Dean loved every second of it.
Probably all those girly hormones playing havoc with his emotions after he
believed he would have to go through the pregnancy alone. His heart felt full
again, surrounded by so many memories of being young and in love. He almost
forgave Sam for being a giant snitch.
“Not everything, Cas. You came back for me.” Dean nudged Castiel in the side
when his eyes started to sting. “Snuggled up with ice cream sounds really good,
but I’m not sure you don’t just want to get me in bed again.”
Castiel laughed. It was so warm and genuine, Dean knew how happy he was just
being there together by the edge of the water.
“I do - but that’s not what this is about. I want to look after you like I’m
supposed to, even if it’s only for a little while.”
“You always were a terrible liar.” Dean teased. Castiel knew he wasn’t hiding
his lustful thoughts very well.
“So sue me if I want to get you naked again. I haven’t had you in my arms for
six months and I’ll be damned if I’m going back to New York without a memory or
two to hold onto 'til I can see you again.”
“You might be disappointed.” Dean was still gazing up at him like he was the
most important thing in the world. “I’m not very bendy now and you were a bit
forceful last time."
“I know, I’m sorry.” Castiel started kissing Dean’s neck again. “But you can’t
really blame me. You were in heat and I wanted to do that to you for years… and
if I remember rightly someone decided to put my dick in their mouth before I
had chance to buy them dinner.”
“Like you were complaining.”
Castiel smiled. He would give Dean as much reassurance as he needed, only
wanting to cuddle him close and show how much he loved him.
“I didn't say that.” Castiel started to rub his face against Dean’s throat. The
scent of pregnant omega was doing nothing to calm the urge to claim. He slipped
one hand under Dean’s t-shirt when he let out a sigh and settled on his back.
“But if you want to send Bobby into town and just make out instead, I can deal
with that.” Dean wasn't really sure what he meant. Castiel had always been so
sexually responsive and Dean could smell his arousal in the air. He confused
the natural instinct to protect the pup with a lack of desire.
“Don’t you want to?”
“'Course I do, sweetheart.” Dean’s eyes were shining. Castiel was determined
not to fuck it up this time. Anything that made Dean submit to his dominance
was worth a shot, and that boy was always a sucker for being petted. “So much.
But I’m scared for the puppy. I don’t wanna hurt it.”
“That’s not very romantic.”
“I can be romantic.” Castiel looked offended when Dean’s mouth curved up at one
corner.
“You sure used to be. Must be all those years in enforcement, Cas. Turned you
into a hard ass.”
“That right?” Castiel replied, sitting up straight with a start. He patted down
his trench coat before remembering where he stashed his badge holder and pulled
it out of his pocket. If it was romance Dean wanted, he was damn well going to
get it. He scanned the long grass for a daisy before carefully unthreading the
chain so he could slip the silver loop off the top. He reached for Dean’s hand
and held it tight, making sure he understood completely when he stuck the bud
behind his ear. Dean propped himself up and watched Castiel in silence, heart
thumping when he saw the nervous hope reflecting back at him. “It’s not much,
but it’s all I have to give… if you’ll take it.” Castiel spread Dean’s fingers
wide and waited for him to accept. The ring was hovering over the tip like a
circle of eternal love.
“Cas.” Dean whispered slowly, so many conflicting emotions just making him
blink stupidly at it. His chest was hitching with little breaths of
anticipation.
“I know it’s nothing special. It can just be a promise band. A promise I’ll
come back for you.” Dean stared at it. Every natural instinct wanted to let
Castiel claim him but decades of conditioning were making his head hurt. The
omega soon won out when he saw the devotion in those blue eyes and carefully
pushed his finger through until it slipped down to the base. Castiel curled
Dean's hand over and kissed the space where it was resting. “Promise you’ll
wear it for always.” Castiel had said the same thing twenty-four years before
when he gave him the little dragonfly and it was too much. Dean never took that
off once. He suddenly threw both arms around Castiel’s neck and breathed into
his hair while he hugged him.
“I love you.”
Castiel quickly pulled back, searching Dean’s face to make sure he wasn’t
imagining it.
“I’ve waited my whole life to hear you say that.” Castiel didn’t have to ask
Dean if he really meant it. All he needed to know was right there in his eyes.
He responded with a kiss so soft and gentle, it took Dean’s breath away.
“I don’t really know why I never said it before. I’ve always loved you.” They
hugged again. Castiel was more than willing to let Dean have the moment and
held on to him tight as he dared so he didn’t squish the bump. “I’m so sorry,
Cas.”
“Hey.” Castiel said, when he finally let Dean go. “You don’t ever have to say
sorry to me. I understand. I know it hasn’t been easy for you. I just wish
you’d stop saying you don’t need me. That’s my baby too, Dean. I want to be
there for both of you.”
“It’s not that, Cas.” Dean wiped at his eyes. He hadn’t sobbed so much since he
was a kid. “I’m scared about what would happen to us. You don’t know what it’s
like to be fighting on the wrong side. I can just imagine what they would say
if you turned up for work on Monday morning with a mated omega on your arm.”
“They need to get over it.” Castiel shrugged it off until he saw how serious
Dean was. “Things will get better one day. I know they will.” He was just
trying to make him feel safe but Dean wasn’t quite so easily taken in by a
seductive touch and a handful of fragile promises.
“Thanks for trying, Cas but I’m nothing to those people.”
Castiel had no words to describe how mad that made him. Dean was perfection. He
never understood why the rest of the world couldn’t see it.
“I don’t care what anyone else thinks and one day I’m going to prove it.”
Castiel promised. “I would bite you in a heartbeat if you asked me to.” Castiel
could feel his knot starting to tingle at the thought of finally sinking his
teeth into Dean’s throat. He wasn’t sure he could hang on to that last scrap of
self-control if they stayed there much longer. “I know you’re not ready yet.”
Castiel sighed, deciding to head back before he got carried away and begged
Dean to christen the bank. “Anyway, come on. I promised you ice cream, so let’s
get you back to Bobby’s and into bed.” Castiel pulled him up by the hand. He
steadied him by cupping the pup and letting Dean rest against him.
Castiel reached for Dean again and linked their little fingers together just
like they used to when they walked back across the meadow. Castiel didn’t miss
the way Dean curled them tightly together like he never wanted to let go. The
whole place was still hauntingly beautiful, filled with a peace and quiet they
both missed so much. Dean rested his head on his alpha’s shoulder, letting go
of a lifetime of hurt just from a few precious hours of remembering what it was
like to be loved.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel was so upset when he left, Bobby guessed something serious must have
passed between them when they were alone. He was waiting in the yard for them
to return like an anxious father. All his fears disappeared when he saw the
boys coming back up the lane hand in hand, leaning in and whispering sweet
nothings to each other. Dean felt like he was high on musk, the instincts of an
unmated alpha making Castiel touchy and possessive. Dean hadn’t been so
responsive since he was in junior high, and Castiel intended to milk it for
every last drop. Bobby made sure Dean couldn’t see the secret smile stretching
all the way across his face when he turned to go inside. Castiel got Dean
settled in bed before begging Bobby to go into Haven for ice cream, and forced
a few dollars into his hand. Bobby had seen too many summers to be conned by an
amateur tactic like that but he still pretended he was glad of the excuse to
remove himself from such a sickening display of affection. He hadn’t seen Dean
so happy for years and played along. “Alright, I’m goin’ but no messin’ about.
Dean needs to rest.”
“Yes, sir.” Castiel had a lot of respect for Bobby but he couldn’t guarantee he
would be able to keep his hands off when Dean smelled good enough to eat.
Castiel quickly ditched the coat and wriggled in next to him, hooking his body
over both legs to pin him fast while he stroked his hands down the inside of
Dean's trembling thighs. “Still so fucking gorgeous.” Castiel murmured against
his skin. “'Specially with my pup inside you.” Dean was trying real hard to
remember why he was so pissed with Cas in the first place. Every cherished
second they spent together just fed many beautiful memories that were slowly
leaking back up to the surface when he looked into those eyes.
“All that sweet talk, Cas." Dean lifted up his left hand to admire the silver
circle on his finger. It complemented the dragonfly perfectly like they were
made to go together. "I think you already got me.”
“Hush up.” Castiel was all over him, groping Dean under the sheets while he
sucked at his neck until it left a mark. Dean squirmed underneath him and it
wasn’t because he didn’t like it. “Told you, I wanna spoil you for a bit. I
should have done it since I gave you this.” He smoothed one hand over the
swollen curves with a velvet caress. “I can never make up for missing out on
watching my baby grow inside you but I’ll try to make things right, Dean - I
swear.” He dipped his fingers a little lower than Dean was expecting, the
temptation to feel loaded slick glide between his fingers again pulling at his
conscience. Dean was making little humming noises when he stretched out on his
back and let Castiel paw at him. Dean would probably have agreed to anything
his alpha wanted to make that feeling last.
“You already have.”
He hoped one day they could be together without the threat of separation
hanging over them like one last dark cloud on a clear horizon. Dean didn’t know
it yet, but his brother was about to drop a few little pebbles into a pond of
hopelessness that would spread mighty ripples across the world.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam was sitting nervously inside City Hall and waiting for his chance to apply
for a seat in state court. His petition had already been filed and Sam knew the
succession was coming up. Changes in the law meant elections were almost a
foregone conclusion. Some alphas believed their political competition was non-
existent, and that arrogance would come back to bite them in the ass. If Sam
wanted to change the system, he would have to do it from the inside out. The
imminent arrival pushed him into putting forward an appeal to give omegas the
right to claim back their independence, the constitution all but forgotten. Sam
would have happily melted down all those stupid tags to liberate Dean from the
chain around his neck that turned him into something he was never meant to be.
He would be safe with Bobby and Cas for a while, and Sam couldn’t do anything
more for the pup until it made an appearance. Dean needed his alpha more than
he needed his brother right now and Bobby gave Sam his word he would look after
them, or end up banging their heads together if he had to. New laws provided
enforcement with more power than anyone should have in a free world and it was
time someone did something about it. Sam was called in. He would have to hand
out the performance of a lifetime to give Dean a real chance at happiness.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** From The Heart *****
59. From The Heart
Sam hadn’t expected so many people waiting just to hear what potential
candidates had to say. He walked in on a huge assembly and now his hands were
shaking so bad, he had to hold the notes against his chest. Local elections
were still a few weeks away and he had no idea he would have to deliver his
proposal to a full house. Sam felt sick. His petition opposed most of the
mainstream ideas, but he was still determined to push for omega reintegration.
He could feel the growing tension when he turned to face the crowd. No one
really knew who he was and that was probably a good thing. Most of his
competition was a bunch of asshole alphas who wanted to up the ante on the
special program and make omega sterilization compulsory. The whole concept was
so abhorrent, Sam couldn’t even bring himself to address it at all and decided
to open instead with a reminder of the fourteenth amendment.
Sam introduced himself and his policies to a stunned silence, faltering every
once in a while. He was Dean’s sidekick for so damn long he wasn’t sure how to
do anything else. Sam almost gave up until he suddenly imagined Dean and
Castiel mated and happy. Spending lazy summers in Haven together with the
little puppy whose future was far from certain. He hesitated for a few seconds
and then impulsively abandoned his notes and stuck them in his pocket before
starting again.
“I’m not a great leader or experienced politician.” Sam said quietly,
swallowing down the lump in his throat that bobbed up and down when he thought
about the unborn baby. His eyes were just starting to fill up when feedback
from the microphone almost deafened him and helped pull him back and focus on
what he needed to do. A few people sat up a bit straighter in their seats. “I’m
not really much of anything. Maybe one day I’ll be able to stand up in front of
a roomful of people and reel off a speech, but not today. Today I’m just going
to speak from my heart and hope there’s still enough good in people for someone
to listen.” Sam felt much stronger when he saw a few more heads turn his way.
“I get that we’re all worried about change. I can see it in people’s faces, in
their eyes. Everyone’s scared of fighting for what they believe in, but those
of us who society wants to call ‘normal’ don’t know what it’s like to really
live in fear.” Sam did his little air quotes as a visual. “To be frightened of
standing against what you know in your heart is wrong.” He was careful not to
drop Dean in the shit completely but he wanted the message to be personal.
“There’s someone very close to me who knows exactly what that’s like.” Sam
surveyed the room to check for any familiar enforcement officers, but he was
probably far enough away from New York to be able to talk without being
arrested. “Someone I love who has to wake up every morning not knowing what his
future will bring. Not knowing if that might be the day he’s carted off to some
facility somewhere and caged like an animal just for being different.” The room
was suddenly very quiet, and Sam wasn’t sure which way it was going to go but
he carried on anyway. “He lost his true mate once because of what he is but he
never gave up hope, not really. Some of his dark hours dragged him to a place I
can’t even imagine but something inside him believed enough to hold onto the
dream they might be together one day. It keeps him going - even when those tags
are hanging like a dead weight from his neck and every day feels like it goes
on forever.” Sam wanted to say a lot more, but he knew giving too much away
might put Dean at risk and he was so vulnerable right now the consequences
didn’t bear thinking about. Sam managed to grab the attention of a handful of
omega sympathizers who had been listening intently since he first opened his
mouth. “A great man once said American democracy means equal rights and
opportunities. To have dignity. Something that’s been taken away from omegas
and it’s not right. If you want this to be your future, I would rather you just
leave now and go back to your lives. Let the madness go on around you and
pretend everything’s going to be okay if you don’t do anything to help them.”
It was a risk, but no one moved and Sam managed to take another breath without
sounding like he was close to passing out. He waited for someone to throw
something at him or walk away but nothing happened.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Bobby had been gone ages and Castiel suspected that wonderful man had taken the
scenic route to give them a bit of time on their own. Dean was lying on his
side, letting Castiel spoon behind him and cradle the baby. Dean stirred after
a few minutes of cuddly bliss when he felt something hard digging into his
back.
“Cas, you’re poking me.”
“I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel closed his eyes. He could feel the heat rise up
inside him and flush his neck with splashes of colour. “I’m trying really hard
to think of something else but I can’t stop it from doing that when you smell
so good.” Dean could hardly breathe when he remembered what it felt like to
have his alpha inside him.
“We can try if you want.”
He heard Castiel release a deep growl against his skin.
“I want to, Dean. That scent is driving me crazy but there’s just something so
beautiful and pure about this.” He ran one hand over Dean’s belly. He
desperately wanted them to mate again but it wouldn’t feel right while Dean was
carrying his baby. “I can sense it, you know.” Dean let his alpha kitten lick
the back of his neck like he wanted to taste the natural pheromones the little
one was sending streaming through his body. “I want to make love to you so bad
but maybe we should wait until the pup comes so we can do it properly. I want
it to be special, like it’s the first time again. Back in New York it was just
sex. We already waited so many years and my instincts got the better of me when
I knew you were in heat.”
“So you don’t want to?” Dean whispered. Castiel could hear the insecurity start
to surface again. Dean was still emotionally shaky and terrified of being
abandoned a second time. He had forgiven Castiel for everything as soon as he
saw that ring glide onto his finger but he would never forget the pain of being
without him.
“I really do.” Castiel was struggling to keep his hands above Dean’s waist and
forced himself to shift his hips back so it wasn’t quite so obvious. “But I
want to be able to hold you, keep you locked on my knot all night long. I don’t
want you to disappear on me again while I’m asleep.” Castiel was still upset
about that but he didn’t let on. “We can never have that like I want until
we’re mated and together. Really together, when you don’t have to hide and I
don’t have to pretend I’m not hopelessly in love with you.” Dean knew how much
Castiel cared for him but admitting to still being in love with him after many
years apart made him feel so cherished.
“Cas, you don’t have to try and sell it to me anymore. I want that too, but we
both know it’s not gonna happen any time soon.” Over the years the divide
between alphas and omegas had grown so much they were now worlds apart. Love
was a powerful force but it couldn’t perform miracles.
“I’m never gonna give up hoping one day you’ll be all mine.” Castiel smiled
against him and Dean never felt so content. He wanted to give Castiel something
to hold onto that meant just as much as the impromptu proposal he surprised
Dean with at the pond.
“A long time ago I swore I’d let you bite me one day, and I will. There could
never be anyone else.” Dean stared at the silver band where his hand was
resting on the pillow. “This isn’t just a promise from you, it’s one from me
too. I need to be sure, Cas.” Dean turned over completely and kissed him on the
mouth to seal it. “Sure no one can pull us apart again.” Castiel let out a sigh
so deep it made Dean weak inside.
“I understand… but that doesn’t mean we can’t do this.” Castiel had a wicked
glint in his eye when he slipped his hand back up between Dean’s legs and
managed to get a couple of fingers deep enough to indulge him with a bit of
prostate milking. Dean gave in to the sensation when Castiel slithered under
the sheets, the inherent need to taste him again overpowering everything else.
He massaged the inside of Dean’s body until he came with a cry. His hips tilted
up while the feeling started to fade before collapsing on his back with Castiel
still nestled between his thighs. He eventually resurfaced and moved up the bed
to smother Dean in a suffocating hug. Castiel had honey-scented slick
splattered all over his cheeks, his smile radiating a happiness he only ever
had when his omega was lying in his arms. Dean’s perfect face lit up with a
warm afterglow. Castiel would hold that precious image in his heart when he
went back to the city to convince his superiors Dean Smith was in the wind and
would be impossible to find now. They were both lost in the moment. Castiel
figured he might be lucky enough to catch Dean just right after satisfying him
so completely. His eyes were still closed and he looked peaceful. Castiel
decided to risk it. The threat of having to give up his only child was
unbearable. His stomach kept turning over every time he thought about it.
“Dean? I want to know what’s going to happen with the pup.” Dean wasn’t mad he
brought it up but Castiel could see by the look on his face he didn’t want to
speak about it either. Not yet.
“I don’t wanna talk about it, Cas. I won’t change my mind so please don’t try
to make me feel bad. I know what you want me to say and I get it’s hard for you
to deal with, but it’s the only option we got. You don’t know if you can stay
and I can’t give it anything 'cept a lifetime of running and hiding.”
“You don’t know that, not for sure. No one knows what’s going to happen
tomorrow and I’m so scared you’re going to take it away from me.”
“Cas, don’t. I can’t even think about it 'cause I know how much it’s gonna hurt
when I hand it over.” Dean stroked the top of his bump, subconsciously calming
the baby like it could somehow sense what he intended to do. All he wanted was
to give it the best chance in a cruel world. Castiel gently eased Dean over to
face him. They just stared into each other’s eyes with an unspoken
understanding. Dean was resting his head on one hand and Castiel didn’t think
he could ever love anyone more.
“Okay.” There was no way Castiel was just going to leave it, but he didn’t want
to upset him after sharing such an intimate moment. He still had a bit of time
to work on it. Castiel kissed Dean’s cheek and pulled him close before they
settled side by side so Dean could have a post-orgasm nap. “Just so long as you
know everything I say to you comes straight from my heart. Every last word,
Dean. I would give my life for both of you.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam could see some of the audience were starting to get restless and he wasn’t
sure why. His speech was controversial at best but he’d come this far so he may
as well man up and finish it. His thoughts soon drifted back to the reason he
was really there. He wanted to hold the baby in his arms for the first time
without the fear someone might take it away.
“I don’t have any children, but one day I might and I have to ask myself one
question every one of you should ask yourselves. Do I want my legacy to be born
into a world full of hatred and intolerance or love and acceptance? I want
future generations to grow up strong and full of compassion. What will each one
of you be remembered for?” His voice dropped to a whisper when he came to the
end of his pitch. “But mostly I want to live to see the day when omegas can
walk down the street without being targeted like criminals.” Sam hoped the
shame didn’t show on his face. He was pretty sure some of the things Dean did
over the years were definitely illegal but it wasn’t really the best time to
mention it. “Just because they have something we don’t doesn’t make them any
less valuable. It makes them special. They’re still human beings in a world we
share that already decided segregation was a very bad idea. If we let this
continue then all the progress we have made as a nation will be lost. Enough
blood has been drawn already. Maybe not literally, but it’s only a matter of
time before that first drop is spilt and then this once great country will
descend into a darkness we might never come back from. I want to live in peace.
I want to see my brothers hand in hand with the people they love without those
damn tags of shame branding them like they have less worth than any one of us.
Omegas should be given the same rights and the same respect we all signed up
for when we raised our flag high and made this land our home.”
The hall was so quiet, Sam wasn’t sure he might not have been better just
reading through his notes. People in the crowd were looking searchingly at each
other. Some for inspiration, some for support. Sam was right. They had lost
sight of everything those stars and stripes stood for. It made such a mockery
of the silver badges, enforcement officers should be ashamed.
Sam surveyed a sea of blank faces. He had given it all he had and no one could
ask for more. He only wished his brother had been there to see it. Sam never
really told Dean how much he cared for him, how proud he was that he always
fought so hard to be free. A low hum started to spread through the crowd. Sam
stepped down from the platform and forced his eyes to focus on the doors at the
end of the hall. He reached the bottom of the steps with his heart in his
mouth. That was his best shot, but maybe too much damage had been done already
and no amount of passionate speeches were going to be able to change the
system. He didn’t know Dean was set on giving the pup away but that would only
have made him even more determined to win a seat and make sure that didn’t
happen. Dean would regret that forever. Sam was almost at the exit when he
heard the murmur in the crowd erupt into a rumble of noise just before an
avalanche of applause started to fill the hall. He turned when he realized it
was for him, gazing around the room in amazement. People were suddenly on their
feet, scrambling to shake his hand and ask him many questions he wasn’t sure he
could answer. Some even patted him on the back as high as they could reach. He
didn’t dare get his hopes up until the last vote had been counted but Sam knew
he had stirred something in people who wanted to make it better. Not just for
Dean and Cas, but for the world.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Legacy *****
60. Legacy
Sam left the meeting after making the point alphas and omegas all have the same
colour blood, and that should be enough. He eventually managed to squeeze
through an impressive crowd and took in a deep breath of fresh air when he
finally got outside. A couple of armed officers at the door gave him the once
over but hadn’t heard his speech and let him pass. Trouble had been growing
locally now the elections were just around the corner. He was still shaking but
now Sam realized he wasn’t alone in his fight to make things better. There were
a few decent normals and probably a handful of closeted alphas as well who
hated the system just as much as he did. He had a couple of days before the
real campaign began and intended to use it to drum up some extra support that
might give his crusade a bit more punch.
Sam had to get to Haven and use Castiel’s inside knowledge to find out exactly
what was going on in the heart of CORP. He wanted his visit to be a surprise so
didn’t bother calling ahead, glad of an excuse to go home. He missed Bobby. He
sure as hell missed Dean and a chance to see Cas again and be together as a
family even for a little while was the only push he needed. Sam was really
excited about the baby and dying to see what Dean looked like with a pup
stretching out his t-shirt. Sam made the decision to go back to Kansas and grab
a bit of back-up. They would need more than a few well-meaning bystanders
loitering outside the conference hall. Castiel had more power than Dean could
ever hope to have alone, but together they would be able to show the world love
doesn’t pick a side. An alpha and omega union based on unconditional devotion
that stood the test of time would be a powerful message. Now the pup had joined
their blood and given them both some hope true love will always find a way.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was fast asleep again by the time Bobby got back. Castiel cossetted him
until his eyes finally closed and gently tucked him in with a kiss. He watched
Dean silently for a while, the warmth of his body and deep breaths of peace
giving him a comfort he never expected to have again. He carefully bent his
head to rest one cheek against the bump, desperate to feel any little movement
or delicate flit of a heartbeat to keep him going until he could return to
them.
Castiel was already waiting outside when Bobby finally pulled up. He was about
to burst if he didn’t talk to someone soon and couldn’t risk Dean overhearing
what he wanted to say. He could never lie to him so managed to make do with
hiding his distress, but inside he was falling apart. He waited a lifetime
already to have a family with Dean and now even that could be snatched away
from him. He didn’t want that for them. Destiny made him hang on for over two
decades for them to be reunited, always believing fate brought them together
that summer. It only took one popped knot and that was it, so he was pretty
hopeful the pup was also meant to be. Bobby told them true mates would always
find each other and that meant something. His omega was warm and happy, getting
the best care and attention from a doting father-to-be. Castiel wished it could
last. Dean forgot what it felt like to be worshipped by his alpha, that aura of
protection and love painfully missing from his life since he was thirteen.
Castiel was determined nothing was going to spoil that while they actually had
some time to spend together. He gave Bobby a little wave when he got out the
truck.
“Now I know you ain’t out here just to get some country air. What’s the matter,
boy?” All those years faded seamlessly away and it made Castiel smile. Bobby
hadn’t changed a bit. “Where’s Dean?”
“Asleep.”
Bobby just nodded thoughtfully, rather glad he took much longer than necessary
to go into town and back. Castiel was still flushed, so it didn’t take a genius
to figure out they pounced on the opportunity to make up for lost time.
“C’mon, spit it out. I know that look, kid.”
Castiel stared at him in amazement. Bobby could always read people perfectly,
even through a whisky-fueled haze. He wouldn’t be at all surprised if that man
had some kind of latent superpower hidden underneath his cap.
“I need to ask you something but I don’t want Dean to know about it. I trust
you, Bobby. Always have. I know you tried to help us when we were little.”
Castiel started getting emotional again and Bobby rested one hand on his
shoulder to calm him. “I don’t want to go behind his back but I can’t talk to
him about it. He’s stubborn as hell.”
“Like you gotta tell me that.” Bobby laughed. “What is it? The pup?”
Yep - definitely superpowers.
“Yeah. I don’t know if I should really tell you this, but I can’t hold it in
anymore.” Castiel sighed. He looked too broken for someone who should be happy
to be with his true mate again. “He’s not keeping it.”
Bobby blew out a long breath of air.
“Balls. I know he’s been kinda down lately but I didn’t know that’s what he was
planning. Don’t worry, I’ll have a talk to him after you’ve gone. I ain’t
makin' no promises, but I’ll do my best. Prob'ly thinks he’s doin' the right
thing, but I know that kid and that would rip him apart. Even if he thinks he
can handle it right now. That boy always had a lot of love to give. Just needed
someone to share it.”
“So he never said anything?” Castiel asked quietly. Bobby shook his head.
“Nah. I just see the way he drifts off sometimes when he puts his hands on it,
like he knows he has to take that while he can.” Dean secretly suffering about
having to make such a hard decision made Castiel want to cry. They both
sacrificed so much already because of the ignorance of others, but forcing Dean
to think he had to give the baby away was one hit too many.
“But I don’t want that. I want to keep it.” Castiel felt like he was going to
explode if he kept it in any longer and Bobby was a very good listener. “I know
I haven’t exactly been there for him. I’m doing what I can now but it’s never
gonna be enough to make up for twenty years of failing someone I love. I don’t
have the right to demand anything from him now.”
“Cas.” Bobby tried to console him. “You don’t have to demand anything. Dean
would give you his last breath, so don’t give up… but if he really is set on
that then I’ll make damn sure the little one goes to a loving home. You know,
somewhere here so as I can keep an eye.” Castiel’s whole body sagged. That
wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“I don’t think I could handle it, Bobby. Not sure if it’s just 'cause I'm an
alpha, but my instincts are fighting so hard against it. I haven’t said much to
Dean. I thought it would be better to give him some time to think about it. I
don’t want him to make a call like that just because he’s scared.”
“'Course he’s scared. Who wouldn’t be? But I don’t think it’s just that. I know
he don’t want his dad to know but I can’t keep stallin’ forever.” Bobby
shrugged his shoulders. “I manage to keep him busy in the yard on the rare
occasions he actually turns up for work but it’s only a matter of time before
they bump into each other.” Bobby cringed at the unfortunate use of words but
Castiel missed it. John’s drinking was much worse since he returned to Haven
and Bobby only kept him on out of loyalty. “Dean stays inside most of the time.
I figured he was hiding from John. Maybe he feels ashamed, but he got no reason
to be. I think it’s beautiful.”
“Sure is.”
The pensive moment of silence that followed meant more than anything else Bobby
could have said. Castiel was upset Dean might feel bad about being pregnant,
but it wasn’t that. He just didn’t need his father to have the opportunity to
say I told you so.
“I’ll do what I can to make him see some sense.”
“Thank you.” Castiel replied, with a sad smile. “It would make me very unhappy
going back to New York knowing I might never get to hold my baby.”
“You are coming back, then?”
“I give you my word.” Castiel wished he could stay in Haven forever. “I made a
promise to Dean, and I won’t break this one. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I
want to see my puppy come into the world, even if it’s only for a little while.
I can’t think about anything after that. It breaks my heart.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam landed in Haven just as evening set in and walked up the road towards
Eighth Street, torn between going to see his father and taking the winding lane
to Bobby’s. His dad moved back after the boys ditched Lawrence and managed to
rent out the old place after it was left empty for a while. Sam suspected he
did it in case Mary came looking one day, but so many years had passed none of
them held out any hope they would ever see her again. He let his feet guide him
to the auto shop, longing to see Dean and check he was alright. Sam made it a
habit to keep in touch with Bobby every now and then, and Castiel sent him an
update the day before. Bobby was outside in the yard when he saw the familiar
hulking shadow approach. He was so surprised to see him he couldn’t think of
anything to say and quickly herded him inside to see Dean.
Castiel was sitting in front of the fire with Dean’s head in his lap, stroking
the hair from his face and letting him snuggle into him. Sam’s heart filled
with hope when he saw how happy they were together. The big lump under Dean’s
shirt weirded him out a bit, but he pretended not to notice. Dean pushed
himself up to hug him. Sam hadn’t expected a mild submissive omega rush to
greet him, but Castiel always seemed to turn Dean soft whenever he was close.
They talked for a while and caught up on all the news. Sam’s eyes kept
wandering to the pup. A legacy for everything he wanted their world to become.
“Dean, this isn’t just a social visit.” Sam offered at last. “I want Cas to
come back with me.”
They both looked up at him.
“Sam, I don’t know.” Castiel shook his head. “I’m going to have to report in
soon.” He knew enforcement would be on his case if he disappeared for too long
but he always wondered what the different precincts were up to. “But maybe I
should find out what’s really going on in the CORP. We don’t get told much
about the other units.” He could see the wounded look on Dean’s face from the
corner of one eye.
“I thought you wanted to stay with me.”
“I do… 'course I fucking do. You’re everything to me, and I didn’t spend six
months trying to get back some kind of credibility just to piss all over it,
but Sam’s right.” Castiel didn’t curse very often but he wanted to make a
point. Dean sulked for a few minutes in silence. They both waited patiently
until he got up for his hourly pee break before Sam leaned in close to beg
Castiel to help him.
“Cas, I’m serious. Now’s the time to strike. People are finally listening and I
need you. I need you to help me change it.”
“Dean needs me too, Sam.” Castiel said slowly. “I don’t want him to think I’m
just leaving him behind. He’s finally starting to trust me again and I can’t
let him down.” Sam wanted to keep their family together as well, but was
determined to stop at nothing to persuade Castiel to go back with him and
support his policy as their man on the inside. Castiel guessed it would
probably be the end of his career in enforcement, but if he didn’t take a stand
now he would never be able to look his puppy in the eye with a clean
conscience. Dean being pregnant shifted the bar to a whole new level. He soon
came back, sighing deep when he plonked his butt on the couch with a bump.
“Cas.” Dean blinked in the firelight. “Go with Sam. I’ll be alright.” He
apparently had some kind of revelation while he was in the bathroom.
“Dean, are you sure?” Castiel asked in amazement. He had somehow gone from
world-class pouting to militant vigilante in less than five minutes.
“Yeah.” Dean nodded. “This is what I’ve been pushing for all this time. Not
gonna lie, it’s real shitty timing but I want you and Sam to carry on the
fight. I know I can’t do anything while I’m like this and someone’s gotta show
those bastards if we’re going down, we’re going down swingin'.”
“That’s the spirit.” Sam smiled. “But this isn’t about me, Dean. I’m doing it
for all of us. I want you to be free so you and Cas can be mated and happy.”
Dean didn’t know what to say and let Sam ease him gently to one side when
Castiel got up to speak to Bobby so Sam and Dean could have some bonding time.
“I never told you this, but I made a promise to myself when I was nine I would
help you stay together if I could. I always felt bad I didn’t do more and now I
think I can finally put it right. You shouldn’t have to hide, and if I can pull
this off and get enough support, we’ll change things for the better, I swear.”
“I know, Sam but I just wanted to keep him a little bit longer.” Big green eyes
drifted slowly back to Castiel where he was now deep in conversation with
Bobby.
“Dean. I get that, but this is important too. I wouldn’t drag him away from you
if I didn’t have to.”
Castiel saw Dean searching for him from across the room. He hurried back and
pulled him into his lap with a bit of effort. He knew what he had to do, but he
wanted Dean’s approval. The last thing he needed was to believe everyone was
conspiring against him.
“Sam.” Castiel started, circling Dean’s body with both arms and rubbing his
cheek into his hair. “I’ll go back with you and do what I can, but not yet. I
want one more day with Dean. I missed him so much.” He reached down and held
both of Dean’s hands in his own while he pulled him back and poured the words
into his mouth. “A few hours won’t make much difference, and I want to spend at
least one night of my life curled around you. I think I’ve earned it.”
“I’d like that.”
Sam muttered some bullshit excuse and tactically moved away. He let them slaver
all over each other while he nodded for Bobby to join him in the kitchen.
“I want to see Dad while I’m here but I know Dean won’t like it.” Sam
whispered. “I just think he should know he’s going to have a grandbaby.”
“No.” Dean didn’t even have to give that a second thought. Sam almost jumped
out his skin when he realized Dean was suddenly standing right behind him. How
he managed to sneak up like that when he was carrying twenty pounds over his
usual limit was anybody’s guess. “If it hadn’t been for him, me and Cas would
have stayed together. We could have been mated for years and the last twenty
years of my life woulda been different.”
“He’s sorry for that, you know he is.” Sam tried again. Dean was now glaring at
his brother. John made a couple of half-hearted attempts at an apology over the
years but they never really talked it out and Dean was still sore as fuck about
it. “It wouldn’t have mattered. Dad taking us to Lawrence didn’t make them
change the law. All that enforcement crap would have happened anyway. The
country was already a mess a long time before that.”
“I said no, Sam. I mean it.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean and Castiel finally settled in bed with that damn tub of ice cream he
waited all day for. Castiel made sure Dean was as comfortable as he could be
before he propped a pillow behind his back. He fed him a little bit at a time,
telling Dean he was only allowed small bites so the pup wouldn’t get cold.
“You’re an idiot.” Dean smiled against Castiel’s mouth.
“Humour me.” They kissed in between each spoonful, savouring every perfect
moment of being able to spend a whole night in each other’s arms. Dean was
fighting back the tears knowing Cas would be gone again in the morning but this
time it felt right, like they were going to be able to have a future together
and bring a new life into a better world. “I love you so much, Dean.” Castiel
looked surprisingly serious when he slowly pulled his mouth away. He wanted to
remember what Dean tasted like when all he had were memories. “I’ll miss you
every second, of every hour, of every day until I can hold you again.” He ran
one finger over the curve of Dean’s promise band. “I’m coming back for you.
Never forget that.” All Dean wanted was to close his eyes and make-believe it
was forever. He let Castiel smother him in a possessive embrace while he
blinked away unshed tears and held that piercing gaze that could melt his
insides with a single look.
“I’ll wait for you.” Dean murmured, unnaturally innocent and shy when Castiel
kissed him again. The chocolate-flavoured tingle on those soft lips felt like
the only sustenance he would ever need. Sam and Bobby left them to enjoy one
night together where they could snuggle each other in the darkness and take
some comfort from it until they were together again. Dean was so proud of them
both for taking up his banner and flying it high. Sam sold it with a lot more
confidence than he really had, hoping they weren’t the only two people left in
the world with the desire to put things right and stop the insanity once and
for all. The boys spent the whole night cuddled up together.
The morning came too soon. Dean and Castiel finally managed to untangle
themselves and strolled into the kitchen hand in hand. They ate breakfast in
silence. Dean couldn’t find any appetite at all and pushed his plate away
untouched. Castiel was watching every move he made over the rim of his coffee
cup. Dean needed some extra reassurance he wasn’t going to be pushing out that
baby on his own. Sam was really anxious to get going and they gathered outside
while Bobby loaded up the truck. No one said much of anything but when Castiel
turned to move away Dean suddenly grabbed for his hand.
“Cas, wait.” He pulled him close and buried his face in his alpha’s shoulder.
“I love you. Come back to me.”
“I will, Dean. I promise. I’ll be back before this little package arrives.”
Castiel lovingly skimmed his hands down either side of Dean’s stomach and
kissed the curve at the top as a silent goodbye.
“’Kay.” Dean sounded much stronger than he felt knowing he would soon be alone
again. He had faith in Castiel completely but he couldn’t help the sadness from
rising up knowing how much it hurt when he wasn’t there. The last sliver of
doubt was still shining through his eyes.
“Hey.” Castiel lifted up the tip of Dean’s chin with one finger so he was
forced to look right at him. “I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” They kissed
again while the sun shone down on them like little rays of hope for a brighter
future. Sam and Bobby glanced at each other with a smile before looking
anywhere but at Castiel sucking Dean’s face with so much passion it was a
wonder he could breathe at all. He finally released him and followed behind
Sam, holding out one arm as far as it would go until only the tips of their
fingers were touching. Dean was soon left standing helpless at the end of the
path while Sam and Castiel set off to Washington to kick some enforcement ass.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Shame *****
61. Shame
As soon as they reached Washington, Sam threw himself into his political
campaign and seemed to be collecting a surprising number of supporters who were
also sick to death of enforcement laws and being made to live by someone else’s
rules. Castiel used the time to try and find out what was really going on
inside the CORP. He made out they sent him down from New York to train some
junior officers. Castiel had no idea how long the charade would last but his
once great reputation soon allowed him to infiltrate the base and dig up a few
buried secrets. It was even worse than he imagined. Some of the classified
files detailed a manifesto that didn’t look like it was going to go public any
time soon. Knowing they wanted to eradicate the omega gene wasn’t exactly front
page news anymore, but this went way above his pay grade. It looked as though
the government intended to exterminate them all completely and hide the babies
away like they didn’t deserve to be part of the same society. Castiel kept a
lot of it from Sam so he wouldn’t worry about Dean but there was enough dirt
there to bring down some of the alpha senators for pissing all over the
constitution. If Sam did it right, he could expose many top enforcement
officers for what they really were and usher in a new age for all those who had
been oppressed for so long. Sam kept well away from the precinct when Castiel
was at work in case anyone recognized him. His policy was pretty clear about
how he wanted the world to move forward, but this was different. The rumour
that a normal was finally standing up against the system spread through the
city like wildfire, scared omegas secretly hoping Sam Winchester might be their
salvation. He had nothing to gain but was still willing to help them anyway and
that made a powerful statement.
Dean was still Castiel's priority. He couldn’t risk anyone suspecting they were
actually working together to free omegas once and for all. He stayed away from
Sam during the days that followed but most evenings they shared a back street
motel room and went through everything Castiel discovered about the real agenda
behind plucking pregnant omegas from the streets and isolating them from the
rest of the world. It was fear. Dean Smith might have dropped off the official
radar for now but there was always someone else to pick up the fight if they
had enough balls. Not many had, and some of the unmated ones about to drop were
being singled out for abduction. Sam often wondered what they had planned for
all those poor babies. Castiel didn’t tell him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
It was almost three weeks since they left Haven. Castiel continued to pass on
secret information for Sam to use against the government in the election for a
seat that was now only days away. Castiel believed in him completely and stood
by his side every step of the way. All he really wanted was to run back home to
Dean but Sam needed him, and he made a promise in his heart to help him. Maybe
one day they could live in a world where they would be free to love each other.
The conversation that evening soon turned to the little pup. It was all Castiel
could think about. Sam brought it up again when he saw him drift off into space
while they were going over the proposals. His eyes were sparkling, mouth
touched by a serene smile. He hadn’t looked so peaceful for a long time.
“You thinking about the baby?”
“That obvious, is it?” Castiel sat up and wiped the back of one hand across his
eyes. Sam nodded, making out he hadn’t noticed his friend filling up again.
“Yeah, you got the look.” Sam laughed. “You know, it’s weird. Like it was the
last thing I ever expected but I’m so happy about it. I’m going to be an
uncle.” Sam beamed with pride. “It’s amazing.” Castiel didn’t smile back this
time. He wasn’t sure how much he should share. Dean was overly sensitive right
now and Castiel would hate him to think they’d been discussing him when he
wasn’t there to defend himself. Sam knew at once something was wrong. “What’s
the matter? I thought you were stoked about it. Cas? What aren’t you telling
me?”
“Sam.” Castiel answered slowly. “What would you say if I told you Dean was
thinking about giving the pup away?”
Sam’s grin dropped straight off his face.
“Why the hell would he do something like that?”
Castiel breathed in a deep sigh and shook his head.
“I don’t know for sure. I think he just wants to give it a better shot at life.
Like being with him wouldn’t be enough. It makes me so sad he still thinks like
that. I don’t understand why he beats himself up about what he is. He’s always
been perfect to me.”
“Is that what you want, too?” Sam blinked, suddenly so upset his voice was
little more than a whisper. That never entered his head. It brought all his
happiness crashing down around him with a bump.
“No.” Castiel replied adamantly. “Fuck, no. I don’t want that at all, but
Dean’s already made up his mind.”
“You can’t let him do that, Cas. He’d never get over it.” Sam gasped. “I know
he’s full of shit most of the time and makes out he’s a hard ass but we both
know that’s not who he really is. I’ve seen him when he’s around you. You turn
him into a big pile of soppy mush.” Sam dared another smile. Castiel blushed.
“I would like to think so.”
“You do. That’s how I knew you were true mates. The only time his omega comes
out is when you two are together. Always was, even as a boy. He’ll listen if
you try and explain how you feel.”
“I can’t, Sam.” Castiel said quietly. “I wish I could tell him how much it’s
hurting me but I don’t want to upset him and I feel so damn guilty about the
way his life turned out. If I stood up to my excuse of a father when we were
young, I could have saved him.”
“That’s not on you, Cas.” Sam added. He never realized Castiel still felt so
responsible. “Don’t blame yourself for that. We were only kids and I already
told Dean the rest of it would have happened anyway.”
“Maybe. I’m just so sorry for everything. Sorry for twenty wasted years of
hiding behind that stupid star. I’m ashamed of what I became, even if I thought
I was doing it for the right reasons. I don’t know if I can ever make it up to
him but I won’t stop trying, Sam.” Castiel licked at his lips while he twisted
his hands together. “If I tell you something, will you promise to keep it a
secret?”
“'Course.”
“I’m going to ask Dean to marry me. He mentioned it once and I laughed at him
'cause we were both boys but now I want it more than anything. I thought he
might think twice about keeping the pup if we were a family. Make an honest man
out of him.”
Sam smirked.
“I think it’s a little late for that but it’s sweet, Cas. I hate to say it but
you know he would probably turn you down. Dean never thought he earned the
right to be happy. I think that’s why he always put so much of himself into the
equal rights thing. Like it gave him an excuse to be miserable.”
“Yeah, sounds like him. No matter how many times I told him he deserved to be
loved, he never believed it. Not really. I know he wouldn’t agree to it until
things get better. One day when he lets me claim him.” Castiel seemed to zone
out again when he imagined that moment in his head. “Actually, I was kinda
hoping it might give you an incentive to keep going. We need a man like you in
power, Sam. You seem to understand people so well.”
“Well, I’m not here on vacation. I’ll do my best.”
“Thank you. I gave Dean a promise ring before we left but I didn’t actually say
it. Please don’t tell him.”
“Not a word, Cas.”
“I want it to be special because I know how much I hurt him. If anything bad
happens it would be my fault. I don’t know how I can ever make up for it.”
“Cas.” Sam said softly, touching his arm in support.
“All Dean ever wanted was to know you loved him, and now he does. You can’t
change the past but you can learn from it. Don’t waste the rest of the time you
have together by thinking about what might have been.”
“No wonder you got so many people behind you in the elections. You always know
the right thing to say.” Castiel was determined to let go of all his shame. Sam
was right, as usual. He couldn’t do anything about it now, but he could make
damn sure Dean knew he was the most important thing in his life and always
would be.
                                 ………. «» ……….
The next week went by so slowly Dean just wanted to sleep the time away until
they could be together again. Castiel managed to get out the precinct long
enough every day to send a message saying how much he loved him. Dean really
needed to hear it and Castiel intended to make sure he never doubted his alpha
would return to him to watch their baby slide into his hands. Sam showed him
how to do emoticons. Castiel used the kissy face one so often it kept Dean
going, giving him some small measure of comfort during those many lonely hours
alone. Sharing a bed twisted around each other felt so good. Now all Dean had
left was dark nights and cold sheets.
Bobby could see he had another restless one when he slumped out of bed just
before lunch. He couldn’t lie flat on his back anymore and never got
comfortable. Bobby sat him down and made him put his feet up. Dean knew
something serious was coming when Bobby handed him a glass of water and plumped
a cushion with so much force he practically assaulted it. He was desperate to
keep the promise he made to Castiel before they left but he never seemed to
find the right moment and now he was more scared for Dean. They could have that
awkward little chat some other time. Something wasn’t right. The poor lad
looked like crap and Bobby pretended he hadn’t heard Dean pacing up and down in
the bathroom all night before throwing up his supper. Bobby hid his concerns
behind a smile and a bottle, trying not to show the panic inside that was
taking over. He was desperately worried about the warning signs he picked up on
since Castiel left with Sam.
Anxiety was picking at the back of his mind. Dean was sick. Maybe not in the
usual way but there was something weighing on him - no pun intended. Being away
from his true mate while he was expecting had brought him right down to rock
bottom again and pushed his body to the limit. No prenatal care and the risk of
male omega births was bad enough but now Dean was under so much stress it might
set him off. He was close to seven months gone but Bobby suspected the pup was
going to be early and now he didn’t know if Castiel would make it back in time.
Bobby needed him to rest for a while, but Dean already decided he wanted to go
down to the pond. It reminded him of the love he was missing like crazy. Dean
was suffering with terrible back ache. It seemed to come and go. The only way
he could manage to ease it at all was by shifting into some weird positions
that just made his stomach cramp. It forced him to pee even more than he
usually did, and that was impressive by anybody’s standards.
“Dean, let me call Cas.” Bobby pleaded. “You need him here.”
“No.” Dean didn’t even hesitate. He longed to see Castiel again but nothing in
the world was going to let him get in the way. This was the one chance they had
to put it right. Dean didn’t want anything to stop them from achieving what
they had all been fighting for. “If we don’t do something now, we may as well
just accept defeat. I won’t do it, Bobby. I might not be able to kick some ass
like I used to but I’ll be damned if I’m going to roll over and beg for them.”
Bobby offered to call Sam instead but Dean wouldn’t let him do that either.
There was no point in panicking Castiel when he still had a few weeks to go.
What he was doing was too important for a bit of back ache and a few spots of
fresh blood. Bobby didn't know about those. Dean told him to leave it a bit
longer and got up to get some air. The opportunity to drop a hint at least was
too tempting to ignore.
“What you gonna do about that?” He nodded towards Dean’s stomach.
“What you mean? Did Cas say something?”
Bobby couldn’t lie to the boy but he didn’t want to say yes, either.
“Not really, but whatever you’re thinking don’t make no sense. I know he
doesn’t want you to do that, Dean.”
“So he did tell you?”
“Not much.”
Dean sighed and pulled his jacket off the peg.
“I don’t wanna talk about it, but I’ll tell you the same thing I told him. It
wouldn’t be fair, Bobby. Not until things are better. I might not have much to
offer the pup but at least I can give it that… a chance.” Bobby had known Dean
long enough to understand he meant it. There wasn’t a perfect way to fix
something so tragic and now he had no idea what the hell he was going to tell
Castiel when he came back.
Dean waddled down to the pond to sit in the fading sun and surround himself
with happier memories. He missed Cas so much, it felt like something had been
carved out of his heart and crushed under his feet. He sat for a while just
listening to the busy hum of dragonflies but it wasn’t the same without his
alpha there to hold his hand.
He was on his way back when the twilight started to fall, and suddenly decided
to take a short cut. The sky was getting dark and everything seemed so quiet
Dean decided to risk it. His whole body had been aching all day and he felt
unbelievably sick again, so he snuck around the end of Eighth Street behind
Castiel’s old house. It was still empty like most of the new builds on the road
but something made him look up when he crossed the driveway. There was the
little attic window where he used to launch a few pebbles to get his friend’s
attention. Dean smiled to himself when he remembered those frantic kisses under
the stars when they really felt like nothing could ever keep them apart.
Dean was pulled back from his daydream when he heard someone call his name. He
thought at first it might have been Bobby, getting so worried he came out to
look for him. He knew Dean had been feeling off all day and fretted over him
like a mother hen now he was so far along. A sinking feeling of nausea had
plagued him since he walked down to dragonfly pond, but now he was going to
puke right there when he realized who was standing on the other side of the
street. A gruff voice called out to him again. Even through the evening
shadows, there could be no doubt.
“Dad?”
Dean couldn’t move at all and watched helplessly while John stumbled across the
road to meet him. He tried hopelessly to cover up the bump with his jacket but
he was so far gone there was no way his dad wouldn’t notice it. John always
said Castiel would have his omega tamed and knocked up if he could and Dean was
ashamed to admit he was right. Maybe not the taming part quite yet but it was
pretty damn close when Dean felt those strong alpha arms around him.
“What the hell you doing back in Haven?” Dean opened his mouth to explain but
nothing came out and wondered if just making a break for it might be a better
option. He was fixed to the spot in panic and sprinting down the street wasn’t
going to happen for a couple of months at least. John squinted at him through
the dusk. It took him a couple of seconds to realize exactly what he was
staring at. “Jesus, son… you’re pregnant.” Dean wasn’t sure if the look on his
father’s face was surprise or disgust. He didn’t wait to find out and left John
standing on the sidewalk in amazement. Dean could feel the tears of shame start
to sting at his eyes while he hurried away from his dad and headed back to
Bobby’s as fast as he could. John didn’t even attempt to follow him. Dean could
hear his father calling him back until he reached the corner, the drunken slurs
all but lost on the wind.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Meltdown *****
62. Meltdown
Dean was so determined to get away from his dad, he practically ran all the way
down the lane. He knew it was a mistake when sharp pain shot up into his
stomach like a hot knife. Dean only just managed to reach the shop before he
was forced to bend forward and vomit all over the yard. Bobby looked like
someone had hit him with a mallet when he came outside to investigate. Dean
suddenly burst into tears and collapsed against his side.
“What’s wrong?” Bobby’s eyes were wild and frantic when he pushed Dean’s hair
away from his forehead and felt how warm he was. “Damn it all to hell, Dean.”
Bobby cursed, helping him to limp up the porch steps. “You’re burnin’ up. Let’s
get ya inside.” He let Dean lean on him while he kicked open the door and
almost carried the poor boy through the house. Dean was mumbling something
against his chest but none of it made much sense. He was perfectly fine before
he left.
“I want Cas.” Bobby could only manage to make out those three desperate words
in between the sobbing and the breathless gasps for air. Dean was trying hard
to hold down what little was left in his stomach. “I love him so much, Bobby.”
He whimpered. “I love him.”
“I know you do, son.” Bobby said gently. “It’s okay. We’ll get him back to
you.” Dean was a such a pathetic wreck, Bobby almost wondered if he was self-
medicating. He knew Dean wouldn’t touch the stuff while he was pregnant, so
that could only mean he was past being able to hold it all in anymore. Dean was
fragile and unstable without Castiel, but seeing his father again tipped him
over the edge into a full-scale meltdown, his face drenched with a mess of
tears and snot. “Okay, lad... c’mon.” Bobby knew the other shoe was gonna drop
sooner or later, but he hadn’t expected it quite so soon after Castiel left.
“What happened?” Bobby asked in alarm.
“My d… dad.” Dean stammered. Bobby deposited him on the couch with as much
dignity as he could. “He knows. It was just the way he looked at me.” Dean
hauled in another stuttering breath. “Like I was less than nothing.” Bobby
reckoned the emotional collapse had much more to do with Castiel’s absence than
bumping into John, but he still felt painfully sorry for him.
“I’m sure that’s not true, Dean. You prob’ly just damn near gave him a heart
attack. He ain’t seen you since God knows when, and then you pop up out of the
blue with that stuffed under your shirt. He misses you boys, even if he’s too
proud to admit it hurts him you never stayed in touch.”
“I know, Bobby but I just can’t forgive him for taking me away from Cas.”
“Well then, maybe it’s time you should. I know you still blame him for what
happened but try to let it go. Better to have him in your life if you change
your mind about - ” Bobby had enough sense to snap his mouth shut before he
upset Dean even more. He was in no fit state to talk about the future. “Never
mind. I’m just a sentimental old fool. What do I know?” Bobby added, with a
sigh. “I’ll call Cas and tell him to get back here.”
“No.” Dean quickly pulled at his arm. Even though he meant it at the time, when
he considered how much that might jeopardize Sam’s chances, maybe not so much.
“I don’t know why I said that. I was just upset but I’ll be alright… and if you
care about me at all, you won’t do that.”
“That ain’t fair, son.” Bobby said defensively. It made him sad Dean felt the
only option left was to emotionally blackmail him. “You know I’ve always loved
you like my own.” That had so much more meaning after the car crash of a
reunion with his own father. Being made to feel like he was worthless all over
again in the place his heart was broken once before was too much. His body just
gave up.
“I’m so sorry you got dragged into all this, Bobby. I promise I’ll be okay in a
minute.” Dean sniffled a couple more times while his shoulders stopped shaking.
“I can deal with this on my own if I have to. I don’t wanna fuck up what Cas
and Sam are doing.” He kicked off his boots and closed his eyes, leaning back
against the arm of the couch for support. Bobby wasn’t falling for his crap for
a minute but he kept quiet. There was more to it than a few bad vibes from
running into John Winchester. He waited until Dean eventually dozed off before
lifting out some of his old books from underneath a canopy of dust.
He settled for one similar to the volume on alpha lore he gave Sam when he was
a boy. He hadn’t opened the damn thing since they started asking questions all
that time ago, but something was definitely happening to Dean. He never let so
much emotion free, even in omega-mode when Castiel was about. It was almost
like he couldn’t really help it, beyond his control maybe. Bobby didn’t think
it was a coincidence Castiel’s name was the last thing hanging off the end of
his tongue just before Dean fell asleep again. He intended to spend the next
couple of hours reading up on true mate bonding. Bobby knew they both felt
horrible during those years apart but this was more like a physical need to be
together. Dean looked like he was detoxing now his addiction was playing
double-agent in Washington. Bobby opened another bottle and sat down at his
desk.
Dean hardly stirred for the rest of the evening and even then it was only to
shuffle around to try and get comfortable. Bobby knew he hadn’t slept properly
since the day Castiel disappeared. He skipped the well-worn section on juvenile
presenting and searched the contents for something that might give him a clue.
It didn’t take him long to find what he was looking for. The deep connection
between them now Dean was carrying his alpha’s pup only made it more difficult
for them to be away from each other the closer he got to delivering. Bobby’s
suspicions had been right all along. It was coming - and it was coming soon.
The sixth sense Castiel had when his omega needed him must have been keeping
him awake at night and haunting his dreams. Bobby was surprised he hadn’t
hitched home already. He finally understood why Dean was suffering so bad and
knew he had to get his alpha back to him before the unthinkable happened. Bobby
made sure Dean was still out for the count when he grabbed his phone. It was
almost midnight before he crept outside with as much stealth as humanly
possible after half a bottle of bourbon. Dean was going to be hurt when he
found out he had gone behind his back, but Bobby would never forgive himself if
Dean lost that beautiful baby.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam spent most of the night preparing his court address, so focused on trying
to perfect every line he never noticed how quiet Castiel was until he finally
glanced up. His friend looked pale and tired. Sam pushed his papers to one
side.
“You alright, Cas?” He asked hesitantly. Sam guessed the answer before Castiel
even registered the question.
“Hmm? Sorry… I’m fine, Sam.” He replied absently. Sam knew that wasn't true as
soon as Castiel retched when he stood up. “I just feel a bit sick.” Sam frowned
at him. Cas might have been there in body, but his mind and spirit were still
wrapped around Dean in Haven.
“You’re not fine.” Sam abandoned his work and took Castiel by the arm to steady
him. “What’s the matter?” There wasn’t much point in lying to someone as
perceptive as Sam, but Castiel didn’t really know what to say. It just felt
like a constant ache pulling inside him. An empty space in his heart where Dean
should be.
“I don't know. Not saying it hasn’t been rough since we left Bobby’s but lately
I feel worse than I usually do when I’m missing him. Something just feels
wrong… like I’m being drawn back there. I need to try and make a call, Sam. I
have to know he’s okay.”
“Why don’t you just go back anyway, Cas?” Sam offered, with a sympathetic
smile. He didn’t want Castiel to feel obliged to stay if his instinctive alpha
could hear Dean calling him home.
“I will if I have to, but you need me here. I promised to help.” Castiel’s
voice sounded sincere enough, but Sam knew he was only staying out of loyalty.
He looked so sad it made Sam feel like a dick for asking in the first place.
“Shit, that reminds me.” Castiel said suddenly, reaching for his coat and
dipping one hand inside his pocket. “I picked something up at the precinct
today. I haven’t opened it yet, but I thought you might want it.” Castiel held
out his arm to pass a small envelope to Sam. His eyes were still glazed over
and Sam presumed he was so out of it he must have completely forgotten. “It’s a
list for the special program. I copied it from a protected file in the system
but I just felt so crap today I haven’t even looked at it.” Sam took the packet
from a shaky hand and nodded. He wasn’t sure Cas even knew what day it was. “I
feel like I’m on fire.” Castiel muttered, even though his whole body was
shivering. “I’m gonna go for a walk and try to cool off a bit.”
Sam waited until he heard the door close before he opened up the report and
scanned the piece of paper. He couldn’t really make it out at first. It just
seemed like a print-out of random digits. Castiel seemed to think it was
important, but never said why it would be hidden away in a classified folder.
There were no names, and Sam squinted at it for a few minutes in confusion
before a terrible realization finally hit him. It looked like rows of projected
abduction dates and tag identification. He almost stopped breathing completely
when he reached the last line. Omega 281269. Dean’s registration number was
right at the bottom of the page like someone had added it fairly recently. Sam
thought he was going to faint, all the colour draining from his face. He didn’t
really understand the implications of what he was holding in his hand, but he
knew one thing for sure. It raised the political bar to a critical level. He
daren’t say anything to Castiel. Their emotional attachment had clearly gone
way beyond an innocent childhood bond to something that was physically
crippling him, even when they were miles apart.
Castiel couldn’t get through to Dean. Cell reception there sucked and he soon
returned to their motel room in a state of anxious frustration. Sam was already
in bed when he heard him come in. He got sick halfway through the night but Sam
just closed his eyes and tried to block out the noise, and the guilt. He
eventually turned over and went back to sleep. There was absolutely nothing he
could do to help him. Castiel just needed to be with Dean and Sam was so
exhausted he could hardly keep his eyes open, despite the panic growing inside
him after finding out about the government’s new and improved agenda.
                                 ………. «» ……….
As soon as Sam arrived at the courthouse in the morning, he realized Castiel’s
dodgy stomach was the least of his worries. So many people had gathered outside
he wasn’t sure they would even be able to get in. Civil tension in the run up
to local elections had caused a social meltdown like no one had ever seen
before. Rioting and a new breed of activism were in danger of pushing the city
into a state of anarchy. The streets were filled with violence and chaos,
ruffled senior alphas determined to initiate plan B before this Sam Winchester
character got a little bit too comfortable with being public hero number one.
Sam and Castiel tried to slip though the defenses so they could get inside for
the vote counting. They soon found themselves standing between a passionate
crowd and a line of armed enforcement officers. Sam swallowed down a mouthful
of dread and turned to his friend. They couldn’t really risk being seen
together but Castiel still looked like he was about to collapse in a heap. Sam
knew he would be lucky to last the day out.
“Cas, I know you’re hurting. Go home.” Castiel only just caught Sam’s voice
over the surrounding clamour of a restless mob. “I’ll be alright. I’m not
scared of those assholes.”
“You should be.” Castiel whispered back. He was surprisingly serious. Sam
didn’t realize he had put himself in such a dangerous position. He knew he had
to try and help free omegas like Dean, never thinking it would only put him
right in the middle of the same cross-hairs. He ignored the little flutter of
fear when they pushed their way through and took Castiel to one side so no one
would see them fraternizing.
“Cas, if you think Dean needs you more then you have to go to him. We both know
something’s not right, and I would bet my seat in this damn election it’s
because of your bond.” Sam rubbed a large hand up and down Castiel’s arm to try
and make him understand it was okay to go. “Listen, I appreciate what you’ve
done for me here, I really do. But you only get one chance to see your child
come into the world.” Castiel didn’t know what to do for the best. His head was
starting to hurt from fighting to do the right thing. He wanted to help Sam so
badly. To cleanse the stain on his conscience after so many years of following
enforcement orders. He might not be able to save his own pup, but maybe if he
could save just one he might somehow redeem himself for countless mistakes. Sam
could see how torn Castiel was, but no one else had the right to make that
decision for him. “And if it’s not the baby coming yet, then at least make sure
no one gets to him." Sam added. He couldn’t forget those six little numbers
swimming before his eyes since he sealed up the envelope again that morning.
“Maybe you guys should just make a break for it before this whole thing blows
up in my face. Take Dean away and keep him safe. Somewhere they’ll never find
you.” Castiel shook his head. That was the only thing he ever tried to do and
it brought them all nothing but pain and loneliness.
“No, Sam. I’m not going to hide anymore.”
“Cas, it’s not worth risking your happiness with Dean. I’d never forgive myself
if something happened to you. Just go home. Look after your family.” Sam
sighed, giving Castiel a gentle nudge against his back like he was a stray that
needed to return to the wild.
“Actually.” Castiel said slowly. Bright blue eyes shone with fresh hope when he
looked over his shoulder at Sam and made a fateful decision that would change
the world, one way or the other. “I think I have a much better idea.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Divided Loyalties *****
63. Divided Loyalties
Bobby was up most of the night pacing the garage. He couldn’t get through to
Castiel on his cell and now his mind was working overtime with a hundred
possible scenarios. All of them bad. Bobby almost left him a message but
caution grabbed him by the balls and better judgement decided against it.
Telling Cas his mate was a dribbling mess without him would send him crashing
into full-on protective alpha. He would likely do something stupidly impulsive
and that wouldn’t be any good for Sam. Bobby hadn’t forgotten it was the day of
the elections and was hoping Sam would give it everything he had. Dean needed a
win, even if it was only by default while he was practically confined to the
auto shop for the next few weeks. He felt like he was going stir crazy stuck up
inside all day long. That one attempt to get out for some fresh air had ended
in complete disaster. Dean’s head was still filled with memories of Castiel and
how lonely he was down at dragonfly pond without him. Instead of cheering him
up it only made Dean more miserable, reminding him just how much he missed Cas.
None of it even made any sense when he had been away from him for over two
decades. Now his body was loaded with pregnant omega hormones it was a whole
new ball game. Dean sometimes wished he couldn’t feel anything at all. Meeting
up with his dad when he least expected it was the final straw. He hadn’t
imagined the look of disappointment in his father’s eyes, even through a cloud
of beer fog.
Dean spent the whole restless night on the couch and regretted it as soon as he
woke up. He was aching all over, and his back felt like someone had tied his
spine in a knot. Bobby gave him a kind smile when he came back inside. Dean was
trying to pull out all the kinks in his muscles and hoping he could manage to
shuffle to the bathroom before he wet himself.
“Alright, boy?” Bobby tried. It was a stupid question and they both knew it,
but Dean nodded anyway. There was a silent tension in the air that might have
swept all the way down the east coast. Polling day in the capital was some
serious shit and they still hadn’t talked about Dean’s breakdown the night
before. He wasn’t usually such a pussy when it came to holding in his sensitive
side. Bobby suspected he was drowning in guilt about the pup and missing
Castiel so much, he was losing control fast. Caught in a downward spiral they
would never be able to drag him back from if Castiel didn’t claim him soon and
complete their bond once and for all. Bobby sometimes wanted to get hold of
Dean and shake him until he agreed to let Castiel puncture that soft neck.
Waiting twenty-four years on romantic promises had worn out its cuteness
factor. Dean needed his alpha more than ever. The weeks of pining were bad
enough, but now it was making him physically ill. He still looked terrible.
Bobby didn’t waste time asking if he wanted any breakfast. Dean eventually
forced himself to sit up, perfectly round belly hanging over the top of his
shorts. Bobby didn’t tell him, but it looked to have dropped over the last few
days and he knew exactly what that meant. It was way too early to be a good
sign. Dean had enough to deal with now Castiel was conspicuously absent, so he
didn’t point it out. The specifics of how he was going to deliver that were a
logistical nightmare. Bobby could skin and gut a brace of rabbits in hunting
season without batting an eyelid, but watching something like that slide out of
Dean’s body was where he had to draw the line. His stomach turned over. Dean
knew nothing about being on any enforcement list, but still refused to go to
hospital or even see a doctor. Terrified of being discovered now he finally
found somewhere he felt safe. “Dean?” Bobby attempted carefully. “Tell me what
happened last night. Why were you so upset about seeing your dad? You knew it
was gonna happen sooner or later. He lives three blocks away for cryin' out
loud.” He softened the last line when he saw Dean’s bottom lip start to give
again.
“I know.” He shrugged. “It’s not just that. I feel like shit, Bobby. I miss
Cas… and now my dad thinks I’m a knot-slut.” He looked down and patted the top
of his bump. “I know I’m getting close. I keep having these pains across the
middle like cramps.”
“Do you, now?” Bobby said quietly. He had to do something soon if he didn’t
want to end up being promoted to midwife.
“Yeah. The plate was a little full, an' I just couldn’t pretend I was okay
anymore. Sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry for anything. No one thinks that, Dean.” Bobby
could see the pain in that boy’s eyes shine out like a beacon. “'Sides, I
always hated that expression. It’s almost as bad as that split-tail crap they
were spouting in New York.” Dean was suddenly reminded of how hard it had been
to try and carve out a niche for himself in the city. The pup would present one
day and there was no way of predicting how the chips would fall. Dean would be
damned to hell if he was going to let it suffer like he had.
“When it comes, I want you to take it. Hide it away with a normal family,
Bobby. I want you to do it.” Dean shook his head. “I don’t think I’m strong
enough to let it go.”
“I won’t let anything bad happen to it. You both deserve the same respect as
everyone else. That reminds me… wonder how your brother’s getting on.”
The sympathetic lip service apparently wasn’t enough to satisfy Dean’s
conscience.
“I’m serious, Bobby. I trust you.” Dean hesitated, staring down at his hands
where they were wrapped together in the small space left in his lap. “I don’t
think I could do it. Hand it over, I mean. Not on my own.”
“You won’t be on your own, Dean. We’ll get him back.”
“I can’t get in the way of what they're doing. I don’t blame Cas for going with
Sam. I know he’ll come home when he can, but for right now he’s where he needs
to be. Whatever happens, I want you to make sure it gets well taken care of.
Can you do that for me?”
“I can.” Bobby sighed in defeat. Dean was a stubborn son of a bitch when he set
his mind on something and his emotional state was much more delicate than
usual. Bobby had no desire to witness a re-run of last night’s episode. He was
careful not to turn it into a promise but Dean didn’t seem to notice. Bobby
couldn’t back himself into such a tight corner and wanted to leave a bit of
stretching room. He was pretty sure Dean would change his mind when he held
that squirming little bundle in his arms for the first time. “But maybe you
should talk to Cas before you start sayin’ stuff like that. Things are gonna be
different when you two get settled. I know you think you’re doing right by the
little one, but - ” Bobby stopped short when Dean glared at him. Ever being
settled with the state of the country the way it was would be a million to one
shot. Bobby decided to quit while he was half an inch ahead and switched on the
TV with a subtle cough. Probably better to leave well alone before Dean started
sobbing again. Bobby turned his attention to the news to see if there were any
reports on the elections in Washington. He knew that kid better than he knew
himself sometimes. Bobby wasn’t sure why it was even on the table. Dean would
never be able to move on from a sacrifice like that. He always loved Castiel
with everything he had, and the babe was just as much a part of him. Dean must
really be torn apart inside to think that was the only choice left to make. The
conversation was apparently over when he tried to stand.
“I gotta pee.”
Bobby wished he had a nickel for every time Dean shared that useless piece of
information. He pushed himself up with a struggle and disappeared into the
hall. Bobby took the opportunity to do a bit of channel surfing until he found
a local station. Both of them always stayed fiercely loyal to Sam, but he was a
rookie when it came to the cut-throat world of state government. They never
really held out much hope he would make anything more than a giant nuisance of
himself. Dean had been true to the cause for most of his life with nothing to
show for it except a silver chain around his neck. He couldn’t let himself have
too many dreams for the future. It only hurt more when they came crashing back
down. He was leaning precariously over the can and trying to perfect his aim,
which was damn near impossible when he couldn't actually see what he was aiming
with. He heard Bobby shouting for him.
“Dean? Come out here, quick. Sam’s on the news.”
“Holy shit, he is.” Dean gasped through a growing smile, making the mistake of
rushing back to have a look. It only made him feel sick again. “Turn it up,
Bobby.” The details were unclear but the headline scrolling across the bottom
of the screen was all they needed to know. Hundreds of people had gathered
outside the courthouse. Eager reporters jostling for an interview with the
first non-alpha in history not just to have won a seat, but to have gained it
by a landslide. “He did it.” Dean felt so proud he would have jumped up and
down if he could. The most he attempted was a little whoop of victory. “Fuck
me, he actually did it.” They didn’t get much time to celebrate. Bobby rushed
over to him when Dean suddenly doubled over with a strangled groan of pain,
instinctively cradling one hand underneath the pup while he rubbed the curve at
the top to get rid of the ache.
“Dean? You’re not supposed to have any excitement.” Bobby looked a bit green
but did his best to pretend he was dealing just fine. “Sit down.”
“I can’t.” Dean was flushed and breathless. “I can’t move. Shit, it hurts.” The
two men shared a look of understanding no words could ever describe. “I’m so
scared.” Dean admitted in a whisper.
“I know you are.” Bobby couldn’t think of anything more comforting when the
face of someone he loved was contorted with so much pain. He managed to get
Dean spread out untidily on the couch but nothing seemed to help. Dean froze in
panic when he felt something wet spread across the back of his shorts.
“Bobby?” Pleading green eyes were staring up at him, but all he mastered was a
pitiful attempt to pad him up as best he could with a decaying oil rag.
“Dean, you really need to see someone. That ain’t right. Let me call
emergency.”
“No.” Dean practically shoved the poor man away. “I’m not goin' to no
hospital.” Bobby was too concerned about the pup to correct him. They could
deal with the grammatical errors later. “No one can know, Bobby. I can’t risk
it.” Dean eventually stopped leaking and got reasonably comfortable. The dull
pain gradually faded away but it was a close call. A warning the baby would
soon be on the way whether Dean was ready for it or not. Bobby didn’t know what
to do for the best. He didn’t want to betray Dean, but he didn’t want any harm
to come to them either. He made sure Dean was really alright before deciding to
take a walk down to Eighth Street.
                                 ………. «» ……….
John took so long to answer the door, Bobby suspected he was sleeping off a
bottle. He was still in last night’s clothes when he yanked it open, hair
sticking out all over the place.
“Am I supposed to be working today?” He yawned.
“Screw work.” Bobby said impatiently. “I’m here about your boy.”
John rubbed one hand across the back of his neck, and stared at the ground in
shame.
“Oh. You better come in then.”
Bobby wasted no time in getting to the point while John made himself a drink.
Those practice contractions had frightened him more than he cared to admit. His
hands were still shaking.
“Dean told me he ran inta ya last night.”
“Yeah.” John sighed. He remembered a few hazy images while the caffeine went to
work on his hangover. “I didn’t know about it, Bob. I called him back but Dean
don’t wanna talk to me. Hasn’t for a long time. He never forgave me for taking
him to Lawrence.” Bobby decided to let him get it all out. John never really
said much about the boys. “I know it sounds stupid now, but I thought I was
doing the right thing.” Bobby didn’t have to think too hard about where he
heard that line before. The evidence Winchesters didn’t always make the
smartest decisions in crisis situations was staring back at him over the rim of
a coffee cup. He might pass that little gem of knowledge on to Dean later if he
could think of a way to say it without sounding like his father. The whole
place reeked of loneliness and empty beer cans. Bobby almost felt sorry for
him. It was like a sneak preview of Dean’s future if he didn’t take
responsibility for the little life he made with Castiel. “Who did that to him?”
John asked quietly.
“Take a wild guess.”
“Not that Novak boy?” He took Bobby’s silence as answer enough. “Really?” John
nodded thoughtfully. He didn’t seem awake enough to be asking the really
important questions, like how the hell his friend knew more about it than he
did, or whether Castiel was actually going to stick around and help care for
them. “So they did find each other, after all. I'll be damned.” John poured
himself another coffee to get over the shock. He offered one to Bobby but he
shook his head, desperate to get back to Dean now he’d said his piece.
“Well, I told ya they would, John. Gettin’ sick of being right all the time.
It’s my curse.”
John didn’t argue. He seemed to glaze over for a second. Lost in some happy
memory when his life actually meant something.
“I never knew what to say to him when I realized he was an omega. Even as a
boy. I tried to understand what it’s like to feel pulled to someone like that.
Now my own son’s been done over by an alpha, just like Mary.”
“It ain't like that. They want to be together, John.”
“How can they with CORP running the show? I seen the papers, Bob. Sam’s the one
I’m proud of.” Bobby felt his heart slope into his stomach. He knew John didn’t
mean that the way it came out but God help Dean if he ever heard his dad say
something like that. It would just be one more reason for him to wallow in
inadequacy.
“You need to talk to him, John. He thinks you’re disappointed in him and that
kid needs all the love he can get right now.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
So much had happened that morning, Castiel didn’t have time to share his master
plan with Sam. He had to make sure he timed it right anyway and his friend was
far too busy basking in success. He had no intention of stealing that moment of
glory from him. Sam had more than earned it. Castiel would never be able to
take back what he was going to do, but Dean was worth it. Whatever happened
after that was in the hands of fate, but no one could take away the love he had
in his heart for Dean. He would always be able to hang on to that.
Sam waved across the top of the crowd with a smile. He towered above the throng
of people all vying for his attention. Castiel didn’t know Sam’s happiness was
marred by what he saw in the envelope, and he couldn’t say anything yet.
Castiel could barely cope with keeping hold of his breakfast right now, let
alone being told the man he wanted to marry was already pencilled in to be
another missing person case no one would care enough to file. Something had to
be done about the facilities. Sam didn’t even want to think about what was
going on inside those dark places, but to have his brother locked up and
examined like a specimen on a microscope slide only made him more determined to
bring the whole system down. Sam knew what Bobby would say. He’d give him some
old school lecture about being able to walk before he tried to run or some such
crap. Sam didn’t have time to do things properly through the courts. He might
have won a battle today but the war was only just getting started. Some of
those omega babies would grow up thinking the whole world consisted of four
white walls and meals that came out a slot in the door. His loyalty was divided
between what was right and the people he loved most. Sam suddenly felt his
phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out. Bobby decided to try and call
again on his way back home to let him know they both saw his five minutes of
fame.
“Hi, Bobby.” Sam smiled down the phone, pleasantly surprised to hear from him.
The network had been swamped since the results were called and he knew Cas
hadn’t been able to reach Dean and get his fix. Sam suspected that’s why he was
emptying his stomach at two a.m.
“Congratulations, son. I knew you’d come through.”
“Thanks, Bobby. I don’t know what to say. Wish I had time to tell you all about
it but I got other things on my mind.”
“Like what? Goddamn it, boy. Don’t you ever stop putting yourself last?”
“Never mind about me.” Sam replied. There was a pause that went on a little too
long to be meaningless. “Cas is sick.” He heard Bobby inhale a deep breath on
the other end of the line.
“Dean is too.” He said softly. “There’s somethin’ wrong, Sam. I didn’t wanna
say too much but the lad’s not daft. He must’ve known I was really worried.
They need to be together, is all. Can you get Cas back here now you got that
seat? Dean’s falling apart without him.”
“I’ll try.” Sam replied. His voice was so hushed, Bobby guessed Castiel wasn’t
too far away. “I already told him to go home but he’s on some kind of personal
crusade. Like he feels he has to make up for something. I know it’s all to do
with guilt over what happened to Dean but he’s gonna end up with a hell of a
lot more if he misses his puppy being born.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Healing *****
64. Healing
It took John a few days to swallow his pride and actually man up enough to
attempt a belated trip to the salvage yard. Bobby told him to take some time
off and get his shit together. Dean needed him. Forced sobriety always reminded
John how badly he failed his sons over the years and never found redemption at
the bottom of a bottle, no matter how hard he looked. John always knew Dean was
a sensitive kid, but the lad managed to patch over most of it with years of
pretending he was proud of what he was. An unfulfilled bond had made him hard
inside until Castiel filled him with a pup. The recent emotional meltdown was
now left to run amok after he let his alpha back into his heart. Dean still
didn’t dare to hope a sick society would let them build a happy family together
but at least he could love Castiel without the cold fear of being abandoned
again.
Dean was slumped miserably in front of the TV when he heard the front door
swing open. He didn’t bother to glance up, suspecting Bobby was probably doing
his hourly obs just to make sure everything was okay. He had upped his game
since that warning the pup was only hanging on inside Dean by luck and a bit of
good management, if Bobby said so himself. He hadn’t actually drawn up a list
of house rules, but made it abundantly clear where the line was. No excitement,
and definitely no walking down to the pond again. Bobby put his adopted patient
on bed rest until the baby decided to make an appearance or until Castiel came
home. He was doing his best to keep Dean going, but the boy could hardly summon
up enough motivation to even get dressed most days. Sam kept them in the loop
as much as he could. He was multi-tasking on a monumental level and couldn’t
concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes at a time because he was so
worried about Castiel. Dean twisted his head round in alarm when he realized it
wasn’t Bobby.
“Hello, son.”
“Dad?” Dean’s heart jumped into his mouth. He almost rolled off the couch in
surprise. “What you doin’ here?”
“Good to see you, too.” John tried, awkward as hell. He looked tired and a lot
older in daylight, but at least he had the common decency to try and run a comb
through his hair. Deep down John craved for Dean’s forgiveness, desperate to
put right all the bad decisions based on fear and a burning resentment for the
alpha who took Mary away. The whole thing left a nasty taste in his mouth, but
Castiel was a nice enough kid from what he could remember. This latest
revelation that against all odds they found each other after a lifetime of
waiting made him wonder if maybe they were meant to be after all. “I wanted to
come by earlier.” John stopped talking when his eyes were drawn to Dean’s
stomach. He left out the bit about being too ashamed to face him. The reason it
took him so long to summon up enough courage to go over there.
“But?” Dean prompted, struggling to sit up straight.
“I wasn’t real sure you’d be pleased to see me.” Dean bit into his lip and
propped himself higher with a bit of effort, going for a rather futile attempt
at pulling his shirt over the bump. “Dean.” John said quietly, when he sat down
opposite. “You don’t have to try and hide it. Not much point, now. Bobby told
me who put that in there. I see you and the Novak kid soon made up for lost
time.”
“Dad.” Dean murmured with a blush. He didn’t know what else to say when it was
glaringly obvious he let an alpha screw him.
“Seems weird seeing you like that after so much running and hiding.” John was
still gaping at the puppy. “Looks like it wouldn’t have mattered a damn anyway.
Bobby said you two would find each other one day. I shoulda listened to that
old bastard when I had the chance.” He shook his head with a warm laugh. “I’m
happy for you, son.”
“You are?” Dean slowly pushed himself up on his elbows and blinked at John in
confusion. “I thought you hated the idea of me being with an alpha… or a boy.”
Dean added hesitantly. Even after so many years he still wasn’t sure which one
offended his father more.
“Dean.” John replied defensively. “It wasn’t that.” He didn’t care if his son
was with a dude so long as he treated him right, but he never told Dean that.
He never told Dean a lot of things. “I thought I was doin’ what was best for
you and Sammy. I hear he’s some big shot upstate now. I know you kids don’t
need me anymore.” John shrugged and tried to smile. Something he hadn’t done in
so long it only made his cheek twitch. “But that don’t mean I’m not here, if
you ever do.” Dean was breathing heavily when he stared back at his dad in
silence. Listening to something like that come out of his mouth instead of a
curse was a miracle right there, but something else was happening inside him.
Dean could feel a sort of shifting behind his dick and it was making him
nervous. “Might even do a bit of babysittin’ if you’re lucky.” Throwing out
beer cans and cleaning up his act aside, that was never going to happen. Dean’s
heart was breaking not being able to tell his father what he planned to do with
the baby. That was a little bit too much like admitting to failure.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam had been completely monopolized by the local media all morning while
Castiel focused on staying vertical. Sam eventually found him leaning up
against a wall and trying to keep out the spotlight. All he could think about
was Dean. He missed that wonderful omega scent and the soft skin that always
seemed so pliant under his fingertips. Their separation was painfully hard on
him but Castiel believed he was doing the right thing by Sam while they all
waited for the pup to arrive. He kept sending his smoochy texts, hoping they
would get through. Service was still so bad they were hit and miss and he
couldn’t last much longer without hearing Dean’s voice or holding him in his
arms again. Sam knew how much his friend was suffering and decided to make one
last ditch effort to persuade him to go home when they got back to the motel.
Castiel was only trying to help but his spectacular decline had plummeted to a
dangerous level. Sam put it down to some weird fine print on an unwritten
contract between true mates. He hadn’t had chance to tell him about the call
from Bobby. He didn’t have to. All Cas needed was to be with Dean so they could
both start to heal.
They were both knackered when they got to their room. Sam could still see stars
when he closed his eyes from another session in front of flashing cameras. He
held back for a few minutes to let Castiel settle in. Sam reckoned if he caught
him just right, Castiel would agree to go back to Haven just to shut him up.
“You did an amazing job again today, Sam.” Castiel mumbled quietly. He was
fighting to keep his lunch down and trying to hold in an unhappy sigh. It
slipped out anyway.
“Thanks, Cas.” Sam smiled. Political recognition from an enforcement agent was
a pretty sweet compliment.
“What about you?” Sam asked, after a long pause. “You still holding up okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“No you're not.”
Castiel attempted a weak smile.
“I’m sure I’ll live.”
“Cas. The only way you’re ever gonna feel better is by being close to Dean. I
do actually know a bit about this bonding stuff, you know. I’m not a total
moron.” Being able to secure a seat in state court over a bunch of dick hole
alphas was evidence enough to back that claim up. Sam sometimes wanted to slap
him. He exhaled a long breath of air when blue eyes flicked up in surprise. “Go
home. Please. Before you miss the most important moment of your life. I don’t
want that on my conscience, and you don’t either.” Castiel suddenly deflated
and flopped down in a heap at the end of his bed.
“I was just trying to make up for all the crap I’ve done.” He admitted sadly.
“I wanted to do it for Dean. So he would be proud of me.” That was such a
beautiful thing to say it made Sam’s entire face crumple.
“He already is, Cas. You don’t need to prove anything to Dean. He loves you
just the way you are.” Castiel seemed to perk up a bit after that. “What’s the
most important thing in the world to you?” He didn’t even have to think about
his response.
“You already know the answer to that, Sam.”
“Exactly. Babies don’t wait, Cas and yours isn’t gonna just sit tight while you
finish up here. Don’t you want to make sure you’re there for them in case
something happens? Male omegas hardly ever carry to term 'cause of how
difficult it is for them to deliver. He’s only got about six weeks left on a
good day. I know you, and I know you’d never be able to look at yourself in the
mirror again if you let Dean have to go through that without you.”
“It sounds so easy when you say it like that, but you asked me to do this and I
keep thinking I should stay with you and help put it right.”
Sam perched next to him, waiting until Castiel lifted his head up again.
“Yes I did, but what does your heart tell you?”
“To go home, be with my baby.” Castiel replied, and he didn’t mean the pup.
“Thanks, Sam.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Bobby wandered back inside to find John Winchester sitting in his front room
with tears in his eyes. He hummed to himself. 'Bout time that man finally took
a piece of advice from the many he never asked for. Dean smiled up at him, but
Bobby could see he was starting to flag again. Dean sometimes indulged in a
midday nap if there was nothing good on TV and no new messages from Castiel to
drool over. Bobby gave John a little nod of thanks when he stood up to leave.
He couldn’t remember a time those two ever shared much more than a few tense
words when they used to pass in the driveway. It was nice to see, but Dean
needed some peace and quiet. His unhappiness was getting harder to hide. More
depressed with every day that went by and Castiel didn’t come back to him.
Bobby was watching Dean try to straighten up with pity in his eyes. He knew a
bit about male omega anatomy. Nature might have made them able to carry a baby,
but no one in their right mind would envy having to give birth to an eight-
pound pup out of a hole you could rest on a dime. Needing help to get that out
was a given. Bobby didn’t really want to leave him alone when he was so close,
but Dean hadn’t shown any more signs he was about to drop. He looked settled
enough so Bobby agreed to go back to Eighth Street for a couple of hands of
poker while he filled in all the huge spaces completely missed over the years.
John gave his son an awkward glance before heading outside. Bobby helped Dean
back to bed. He leaned on him all the way down the hall, clenching his teeth
together so Bobby would think he was fine.
“I’m real happy your dad came to make his peace, kid. I’ll try and get him to
pull his head out his ass.” Bobby whispered, with a grin. They already agreed
to try and talk it out while John still had a higher ratio of blood in his
alcohol stream. Bobby was hoping he might be strangely receptive to a male
bonding session seeing as he was about to become a grandpa. “He never really
understood what was goin' on with you boys. I’ll do my best to re-educate him.”
Dean wished him luck 'cause he was sure as hell gonna need it. The throbbing
ache between his hips was getting worse but he didn’t say anything, hoping it
would go away once he got over the shock of his dad not being an award-winning
dick for more than ten minutes. Bobby deserved an afternoon off from having to
watch out for him and Dean really wanted to sleep while he waited for Castiel
to send him another soppy text. He was going to need all the energy he could
get when it was time. “You never know.” Bobby smiled down at him while he got
Dean comfortable on his side. “Your boy might be back next time you wake up.”
“Yeah.” Dean sighed into the pillow. "That would be awesome." They both knew it
wasn’t true, but it was a nice thought to take in to his dreams.
The calm didn’t last long. He kept waking up every once in a while, cold and
shivering. Repeatedly dragging himself to the bathroom with nothing to show for
it. Dean knew something wasn’t right. He had a couple of practice runs before
so he tried not to get too panicky and checked his cell reception again, just
in case. Bobby was always complaining how bad the signal sucked inside the
house but wouldn’t let Dean go wandering anymore so he was screwed on both
counts. He dropped off again for half an hour until he was jerked awake to an
empty house and a puddle of gunk splattered between his thighs. Dean scrambled
for something to mop himself up with, heaving his body out of bed and
staggering from room to room, frantically calling Bobby’s name. He was so
thirsty he tried to make his way back to the kitchen. Something must have set
him off. Maybe it was the sudden rush of relief when he managed to have a
conversation with his father that hadn’t pissed him off or maybe his body just
packed in after being without Cas for so long. This wasn’t the standard nausea
he put up with for weeks. This was a sickness that felt like it was invading
every cell. A paralyzing sensation rushing down his back and into his butt. The
unbearable pressure making him think he was gonna crap himself if he didn’t get
to the relative safety of Bobby's bathroom. He made the mistake of looking
down, the glass of water soon forgotten when he put his hand in a string of
sticky mucus that was run through with streaks of fresh blood.
Dean spat out a cascade of shameful curses when something burst out with a
splosh and trickled down the inside of both thighs. He heard a pitiful little
cry of fear. It took a couple of seconds to realize it came from him. He had to
get outside somehow so he could call Bobby and bring his alpha home. Dean was
desperate to reach him in time. First babies don't exactly shoot out like
bullets but it would take Cas a few hours to make it back, even if Bobby got
hold of him straight away. Dean doubted he could even get to his cell and it
was probably completely dead by now. Bobby hadn’t had a landline for years and
Dean realized he would have to crawl out to the yard and yell for help. He had
no idea what the hell he expected to achieve by doing that but he wasn’t
thinking straight and raw panic was setting in. He was scared and alone. Dean
had to do something fast so he wouldn’t have to face the inevitable pain
without Castiel there to dig his fingers into. He was practically gasping for
air when he stumbled out to the garage. He only made it to the bottom of the
steps before he knew it was too late. A crippling spear of agony squeezed his
muscles like a vise under his ribs and Dean dropped to his knees with a
graceless thud. He couldn’t do anything except moan through the pain, falling
forward to rest his head on his hands. Nothing brought relief. He whimpered
through each one when they started coming faster, instinctively pushing his ass
up and rocking his hips to help move the pup into position. They would stop
every couple of minutes and Dean took the chance to hurriedly strip off and
grab a worn tarp Bobby left draped over a pile of used car parts. Dean
flattened it out as best he could before shuffling back on his elbows until his
body was wedged up against a tool box. Just in time before the next wave of
ruthless contractions ripped through his stomach and made him want to throw up.
Dean held back a sob when he spread his legs apart. Resigned to pushing out the
pup on the floor of a dirty repair shop with no one there to hold his hand.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Pup *****
65. Pup
Sam closed the door with a sigh of deliverance. He could finally work
undisturbed on drawing up some new legislation now he convinced Castiel to go
back to Kansas and be with Dean. The pup deserved to have him there when it
opened its eyes for the first time. Castiel didn’t really need much persuasion
after his heart-to-heart with Sam, already tormented for hours by an unfamiliar
stirring that was making him restless. As soon as Sam released him from loyal
service, Castiel practically broke his neck to get home as fast as he could. He
constantly wanted to heave every time he pined for Dean, but this was more like
a compulsive desperation. A natural instinct letting him know how much his
omega needed him.
Dean was the only thought in Castiel’s mind when he crossed the state border,
willing time to go by so the miles between them would diminish with every
minute that passed. He fought devotedly by Sam’s side for weeks but none of it
meant a damn thing compared to the draw of his mate now he was in labour. The
cold warning he sensed earlier suddenly dropped to the pit of his stomach,
exploding into raw panic by the time he reached the borders of Haven. He could
almost hear Dean’s heart calling out to him. Castiel was so intent on getting
back to Bobby’s he sprinted all the way down Main Street like he was caught in
a tempest. He was flushed and out of breath by the time he rounded the end of
the yard, but he didn’t slow down for a second. The whole place seemed deserted
and most of the lights were out, the second floor completely shrouded in
darkness. It looked like no one was there at all. Dean would never have left
without him. For one terrifying moment, all the insecurity came flooding back.
It swamped Castiel with fear and painful memories of the last time Dean
disappeared from his life without even saying goodbye. Castiel shook the doubt
away. Dean loved him. He really believed that now with every inch of his body
and that could only mean one thing. Something was wrong. It unleashed the full
power of his protective alpha, and he ran round to the front to try and get in.
Bobby locked it earlier to make sure Dean could sleep in peace while he was
out. Castiel didn’t hesitate to hurl his body against the door. Smashing it
open like it was nothing with a couple of well-aimed shoulder barges. He
charged from room to room, frantic eyes searching every dark corner while he
shouted wildly for Dean. There was no reply so Castiel cocked his head to one
side and let keen senses take over. After a few tense seconds he could hear
faint sounds of distress. Dean was already suffering through transition to the
second stage, consumed by an uncontrollable urge to push when he could feel the
baby bearing down inside him. The contractions had dropped off a bit but it was
only a cruel illusion. When they came again they were twice as strong. He let
out a few choice expletives when he started to dilate. Dean had never known
pain like it and swore to himself right there he never would again. Castiel had
other plans for them, but Dean didn’t know that just yet. He kept yelling his
name until he finally got the response he wanted.
“Cas!” Dean shouted in desperation, when he heard the cries of his alpha. With
all the air he had left, he tried one last time to let Castiel know where he
was before another violent contraction took the rest of his breath away. The
garage door was suddenly flung wide. Dean wasn’t sure if the whole experience
might be making him hallucinate and blinked in the dim light. When he opened
his eyes again, Cas was still there. He had never been so pleased to see anyone
in his life.
“Oh, fuck… Dean.” Castiel faltered in dismay when he realized how close he was
to delivering. He could hardly speak at all when he had to witness the man he
loved sitting in a puddle of blood and slick. His legs were pulled up to his
chest while he heaved in huge mouthfuls of air. Castiel threw himself down the
steps and on to his knees, sliding through the mess until he ended up wedged
between Dean’s thighs.
“Cutting it a bit fuckin' fine, dontcha think?” Dean forced out between shallow
gasps. Castiel couldn’t think of anything to say to show how sorry he was and
just smothered his omega in a hug so genuine, Dean felt it warm his whole body
with a wash of comfort. He almost wept with relief for those few blissful
seconds when Castiel’s arms were wrapped around him again, plump lips covering
his face with intoxicating kisses.
“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Castiel whispered between each one. “I knew
I needed to get back to you. I felt it, Dean. Hours ago, I knew.” Castiel
continued to pet and fuss over him until Dean managed to pull back enough to be
able to look into his eyes.
“You came back to me.”
“'Course I did, you idiot. I love you.”
Dean pawed at him, clutching handfuls of shirt in an attempt to drag him
closer.
“I needed you, Cas. I missed you so bad.”
“I know… but I’m here now and I’m never leaving you again. You got every right
to slap me, call me a dick. Anything, Dean. I deserve it.”
Dean didn’t really want to do any of those things when he could smell his
alpha’s scent after being apart for so long. It always brought him a peace he
never found anywhere else. Dean let it go and collapsed against him. Nothing
else mattered now Cas was home. He rode out the excruciating cramps for another
hour until he finally got a break when the baby managed to slip down a bit.
Castiel made a few helpless attempts to keep him positive, but he was getting
weaker with every one. Just telling him over and over to breathe in and out was
having no effect on the pain, or his mood. Dean still felt so shaky and sick he
was starting to get irritable.
“Cas, I swear. If you tell me to breathe one more time I’m gonna swing for
you.”
“I’m just trying to help, sweetheart.” Dean opened his mouth to reply but all
that came out was a strangled cry. His whole body curled forward, instinctively
pushing down with a grunt of agony that tore at Castiel’s heartstrings. “It’s
okay. You’re doing so well.” Castiel was trying hard to keep Dean sweet while
he figured out what to do. He was about to ask where the hell Bobby was when
they heard a muffled curse from the top of the steps. Castiel could have kissed
that man when he saw a familiar silhouette in the doorway. “Thank God… I didn’t
want to leave him. We need to get him to a hospital, Bobby.” It seemed like the
obvious choice, but he could tell the pup wouldn’t be able to hold on much
longer. Dean fumbled for Castiel’s arm when Bobby almost tumbled down the
stairs in panic.
“No, Cas. I won’t go.”
“Dean, stop it.” Castiel dismissed the idea, but soon scrambled to take both of
Dean’s hands in his own when he saw his bottom lip start to collapse. He was so
hormonal, anything would have set those tears free if Castiel wasn’t careful.
“I’m sorry, but this is my baby as well and I won’t risk anything happening to
it.” Dean looked like he might be about to cave when Castiel heard Bobby pipe
up behind him.
“You can’t move him, son.” He said flatly. “He’s too far along… and I for one
intend to respect what he wants. That boy’s been through enough.”
Castiel lowered his eyes in shame. Bobby hadn’t meant it as a personal dig but
Castiel knew he had a point. Leaving his mate for weeks at a time must have
damaged Dean in ways he couldn’t imagine.
“But what else can I do to help him?”
Bobby took off his cap and let out a dramatic sigh, preparing to gather up a
handful of childbirth essentials he picked up from watching too many bad
movies.
“Hold his hand. I’ll get some towels.”
“Are you serious? Does that actually work?”
“'Course.” Bobby looked slightly offended. “Haven’t you ever done this before?”
He asked Castiel nervously.
“Nope. You?”
“Never.”
“Okay then.” Castiel was already slipping off his trench when he shuffled
forward to settle in front of Dean again. He yanked off the tie and rolled his
sleeves up before resting both hands inside Dean’s knees and gently easing his
legs apart. Castiel gave him a tender smile when he carefully lifted his dick
up and let it lie limp against his skin while he bent his head to get a better
look. Dean didn’t even care anymore. He was in so much pain with zero scrap of
dignity left, he just tipped his head back and let his alpha take control.
“He’s dilated a little, I think.” Castiel whispered over his shoulder. “Maybe a
couple of centimetres, is all. Look.” Dean realized it was too late to try and
claw back any sense of decency now his bow legs were splayed wide with
everything on view. Bobby was right. They couldn’t move him now. The old man
smiled when he could just see the soft curve of a downy head stretching Dean
open.
Castiel did as he was asked and reached for Dean’s hand when Bobby scurried
away to fetch a few basics. Dean moaned into Castiel’s shoulder when the
warning of another contraction threatened to spread down his belly. His butt
was starting to go numb so he pulled himself up on his mate’s body to change
position before he seized up completely. He slowly turned over, apparently
content for now to be kneeling on all fours with his head resting in Castiel’s
lap. He affectionately caressed Dean’s back with one hand while the other was
completely out of action, mercilessly squashed in a death grip.
“You’re crushing my fingers.” Dean stared up at him with a look that could have
severed an artery. “But I don’t mind, it’s fine.” Castiel added quickly. It
wasn’t a real good idea to piss off his omega in the middle of forcing out a
pup if he ever wanted to get laid again. “You carry on, baby. Squeeze as hard
as you want.” He gently dipped his head to kiss Dean’s cheek and stroke the
hair from his face where the sweat was dripping into his eyes.
Bobby could hear the building groans from upstairs when the warning suddenly
turned into a full-blown muscle spasm. Dean was shouting for Cas to make it
stop when Bobby soon reappeared with a stack of towels, a bowl of hot water,
and no idea what to do with either. He set them down on the floor. Dean had his
ass in the air, legs tilted apart so he would have enough freedom to birth it
without splitting open. He was straining to edge the puppy’s head out a little
at a time.
“Did your waters go before Cas got back?” Bobby asked hesitantly.
“Don’t know.” Dean mumbled. He was trying to anticipate the next contraction
and finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything else. Castiel
gently lifted the hand that still worked to rest Dean’s face in his palm,
aiming to get some kind of intelligent response while he was high on
endorphins.
“Dean? Stay with me. Come on… we need to know.” Bobby kept pressing him for an
answer as well until Dean vaguely remembered the plug popping out of him just
before the pain started.
“Maybe… somethin' gross came outta me earlier.”
“Like what?” Bobby asked slowly. Dean looked like he was trying to find the
right word.
“Snot.”
“Oh.” Bobby screwed his nose up. “That wasn’t your water, Dean. No wonder
you’re struggling. We might have to get you goin' a bit.”
“A bit?” Dean gasped in disbelief. He was rosy pink with exertion and covered
in perspiration. Castiel’s mouth dipped down into a curve when he glanced over
his shoulder. His eyes were begging for some help to placate a very sensitive
mate. Bobby was too busy looking for something they could use in case he had to
burst them and move Dean on to the last stage.
“Hey.” Castiel hushed him. “He didn’t mean it like that. You’re doing really
well, baby… really well.” Dean seemed satisfied with the quiet praise and
settled back into Castiel’s lap. Bobby was actually glad the pup was a bit
early. At least it would be small enough for Dean to stand a chance of healing.
The poor kid was stretched to the limit. He would never have been able to
deliver anything bigger. Half an hour of being shamelessly cossetted by Castiel
didn’t help the baby to slide down any more. Dean wasn’t in the best position
for it to move through his body and it took Castiel a few minutes to convince
Dean gravity was his friend. Castiel gradually straightened up and pressed his
back against the wall, hauling Dean up to squat between his legs and let nature
do the rest. Castiel held him close, curling both arms around him to show Dean
he would always keep him safe now. “Push, sweetheart.” Castiel breathed against
his face. “Push as hard as you can next time you get a pain.” Dean’s thighs
were shaking from the effort but it seemed to do the job. He let out another
pitiful whine that rose into a long cry when his stomach cramped again and the
pup started to emerge. Dean leaned back so he could bear down a bit easier
while Castiel held him up. It stung like a bitch but trying to hold it in was
no longer an option. Bobby didn’t want to think about how much that must hurt.
“Wait a second.” He nudged Castiel’s hands away so he could reach underneath
Dean’s body to check his progress. “Let me see if I can feel anything.” Dean
flinched when Bobby tried to test how far gone he was. Most of the baby seemed
to be stuck just inside the opening. “Don’t push!” Bobby warned. He needed to
guide it out gently if Dean didn’t want to rip himself apart. “Don’t push,
Dean. Breathe.”
“What? Cas just told me to push!” Dean was getting really hacked off with
people giving him orders that didn’t make a lick of sense. “Push. Don’t push.
Make up your fucking mind.” He suddenly stopped and fell forward in Castiel’s
arms when he felt something warm pour out of him. It splattered all over the
tarp like a little waterfall.
“Well.” Bobby scratched his head while he stared at the spreading pool. “That
answers that.” He had to sit down for a second. Castiel was wonderfully
attentive but Dean was now so emotionally dependent on him, the pup was in
danger of staying lodged where it was. It would only be a matter of time before
the poor little thing got into trouble and then it was game over. Bobby knew he
was going to have to get his hands dirty. Castiel was too wound up in Dean’s
arms to be able to do anything for a while. Bobby reached for one of the towels
and rubbed his own sweat away. Castiel must have sensed the same urgency when
he turned to look at him.
“Bobby, please. Help me. I don’t know what else to do and I’m getting really
scared for him.” Castiel hated seeing Dean in so much pain. It hurt even more
knowing he was the one responsible for putting the pup there in the first
place.
“Sorry, son.” Bobby answered, searching the recesses of a very disordered mind
for some inspiration. “Lemme think.” Something soon surfaced from the dark
depths. “You just gotta be careful 'til you get the head free.” Bobby burst out
in a rush, quickly kneeling down next to Castiel. “Pant, Dean.”
“What?”
“Pant, don’t push.” Dean was staring up at him in confusion. “If it comes out
too fast, you’ll tear.”
“Cas?” Dean asked in a small voice. He looked terrified. The best plan was to
distract him.
“Like this.” Castiel encouraged, putting his face close to Dean so he could
copy him while he stuck out his tongue and puffed in and out until Dean
eventually got the hang of it. Bobby would have pissed himself at the two of
them panting away like dogs if it wasn’t so serious. All they could do was keep
Dean calm while the pup slowly dropped into position, resisting the urge to
thrust the rest of it out. Dean was starting to tremble with fear when he could
feel the tight skin heading for critical. His legs finally gave out and he slid
through Castiel’s thighs and back onto the floor. Castiel gave him a cuddle
before helping him lie on his back with his knees open as far as he could
manage. He slithered round to the front to try and ease the rest of the head
out where it was caught fast. It must have inherited Dean’s ears. Castiel
carefully pushed his fingers inside and moved his hand in delicate circles to
try and wiggle it free. A fractured sob of awe caught in his throat when he
looked closer. “Oh, God… I can see it.” Castiel smiled up at Dean with tears in
both eyes, the crack in his voice betraying his emotions. “It’s coming,
darling.” Dean just stared back, not sure he heard right. There was no mistake.
He could see the pure love swirling behind the blue light shining up at him. An
unconditional devotion that made Dean want to cry. He never truly believed he
deserved a man like that. Castiel slowly leaned forward so he could kiss Dean
again, encouraging him to reach down between his legs and feel for himself.
“See?” Castiel dared a little laugh when Dean cautiously touched the pup’s head
with shaky fingers. He just nodded with a lop-sided smile. Castiel could almost
sense the submissive omega rising to the surface. Trusting in his alpha to make
everything alright. He scribbled a mental note to use that tactic again next
time Dean was a bit more receptive to being seduced.
“Cas?” Dean whispered. The unsteady tremor showing just how helpless he felt.
“I’m so scared.”
“Ssh. I’m here, Dean. I’m right here.” Castiel soothed. “You just gotta do a
couple more real big pushes, okay?”
Dean swallowed hard and nodded again. He pulled his legs up a bit higher and
dug his fingertips in deep, holding them up to rest against his chest while he
waited for the next contraction and prepared to squeeze out the rest. Castiel
deliberately held his poker face when a trickle of blood started to leak out.
The last thing Dean needed was to see how worried he was. Castiel was getting
so emotional, Bobby had to pacify him in between contractions. Definitely
earning the bottle of bourbon he intended to sink when it was all over.
Dean thought he must be on the home stretch when he agreed to take that last
round without screaming but still seemed to be getting nowhere fast. Castiel’s
face was set in concentration while he quietly timed the space between
contractions in his head. The fragile calm was soon shattered with a cry when
Dean felt the pup breach his hole and force him to eight centimetres. He
suddenly lunged forward and grabbed hold of Castiel’s shirt, pulling him so
close their noses were almost touching.
“Get it out. So help me, Cas.” Dean was in danger of giving up so Castiel kept
turning the pup’s body with a gentle tug every time Dean bore down. It
eventually slipped out with one last wail of painful determination and into
Castiel’s waiting hands. Bobby quickly covered it with a towel and rubbed at
the soft skin until the room was suddenly filled with the sound of yelping
puppy. Castiel instinctively reached out his arms to take it. He was fairly
certain he saw something dangling when it fell into his palms but couldn’t
resist a quick peek under the material just to make sure.
“It’s a boy.” Castiel choked out, carefully wrapping the pup back up so only a
cute little face was showing. Castiel fell in love all over again the second he
looked down at the crying mess wriggling in his arms. Two bright blue eyes
blinking up at his daddy like he was the most important thing in his entire
world. Castiel didn’t even try to stop the tears from falling. Dean was still
writhing in pain, the last few contractions trying to empty him completely.
Bobby realized what was happening and patted Dean on the hand in sympathy.
“You’re not quite done, lad.” Dean just stared in stunned confusion at a
makeshift surgical kit Bobby hurriedly knocked together by rummaging around in
his gadget box. “It ain’t exactly sterile. Have to do, I guess.” He clamped the
cord between some pliers so Dean wouldn’t bleed out when they cut it. Bobby
reached for his secret stash of whisky and poured some over the top just in
case. Castiel sliced it all the way through with one snip. He wanted to lay the
pup on Dean’s stomach so they could start to bond but he was still out of it,
longing to close his eyes and sleep the ache away. Bobby knew more about babies
than he let on and suspected Dean had to get rid of everything before they
could even think about calling it a night. “I’m sorry, kid but we gotta make
sure it all comes away so you don’t get sick.” Bobby edged Castiel back over
with a subtle kick to the butt. Dean needed someone to keep him going. He
wasn’t finished just yet. Castiel crawled up to him and settled against his
side.
“I can’t, Cas.” Dean said quietly. “I can’t push anymore.” He was so close to
sobbing, Castiel had to pass the pup to Bobby so he could cradle Dean lovingly
in his arms while nature carried on without his consent. Pelvic muscles
convulsing a few more times until his body finally expelled the placenta with a
surge of dark blood. Bobby was scrunching up his face and making little cooing
noises at the baby. He checked the cord before carefully handing him back to
Castiel after a few minutes. He soon set about mopping up the mess so the boys
didn’t have to do it.
“Dean.” Castiel murmured against his cheek in a broken whisper. “You gave me a
son. He’s beautiful.” Castiel was so happy he couldn’t stop himself from
covering Dean in grateful kisses. He just let his alpha slaver all over him and
hold him close against his chest with the arm that wasn’t proudly bouncing his
baby. Dean felt his eyes sliding shut with exhaustion. When they were both
clean and warm, Bobby helped Castiel carry Dean back to bed. Between them they
managed to get him washed up and make sure the bleeding had stopped. Castiel
refused to let go of the tiny bundle and rested his newborn in the crook of one
arm while he hushed Dean to sleep. His mate was completely spent and sore as
hell but there was so much more to the empty hopelessness in his eyes. Castiel
knew exactly why Dean hadn’t once asked to hold the little pup.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Karma's A Bitch *****
66. Karma’s A Bitch
Dean was asleep inside a couple of minutes. Castiel was now sitting by his side
and brushing damp hair from his face when he felt the pup stir again, little
pink mouth preparing to open up and impress his daddy with the size of his
lungs. Castiel gently jiggled him in one arm and crept out the room and down
the stairs so he wouldn’t wake Dean. Bobby followed him just to make sure he
knew what he was doing. He already decided he was going to do everything
possible to give that gorgeous baby the best chance in life he could ever hope
to have.
“He’s hungry.” Bobby offered, before Castiel even got settled on the couch.
“I know, but I want Dean to rest. He’s more than earned it.”
“Don’t think the little one’ll be quite so understanding. He’s gonna start
hollerin’ like a line-backer if you don’t get him fed and watered.” Castiel
looked at Bobby in alarm. He hadn’t thought about anything beyond the primal
need to get back to his mate. “Caught us all by surprise, didn’t ya?” Bobby
tickled the pup’s cheek with a weathered fingertip. “Don’t worry, son. I’ll pop
into town and stock up on a few supplies. Dean should be alright to take over
in the morning.”
“What do you mean? Can Dean feed him?”
“Fucked if I know.” Bobby was so ready for that whisky it was making him tetchy
but the kid would have to come first from now on and that was that. “Just
presumed he would. He’s an omega, so I don’t see why not.”
“But he’s a boy.” Castiel’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Bobby laughed and
shook his head.
“Yeah, Cas. I got that. You know, if you’da told me twenty years ago you two
would end up making somethin’ as cute as that I would have damned myself to
Hell. You got a name for him yet?”
“No.” Castiel smiled down at his son, but his eyes were full of sadness. “We
never got that far.”
“Well, you got a real good lookin' kid there, that’s for sure. Takes after his
papa.”
“He sure does.” Castiel cuddled the tiny puppy to his chest and breathed him
in. He smelled so wonderful. The baby seemed to settle a bit but it was only a
calm before the storm. Castiel had no doubt he would let them know as soon as
he decided he wanted his little tummy filling. “Thank you… for what you did.”
Castiel sighed, knowing he would have crashed and burned if Bobby hadn’t been
there to see them all through it. “I’m sorry about your door.” He added
quietly.
“That’s the least of my problems. Doors can be fixed.” Bobby pressed his lips
together to keep the rest of what he wanted to say behind his teeth. He didn’t
need to spell it out. They both knew exactly what he meant.
“I want to keep him, Bobby.” Castiel replied, eyes brimming with tears again.
“I really do, but I haven’t earned the right to tell Dean what to do. I just
wish I could go back and live it all over again. I’ve made so many stupid
mistakes.” Bobby didn’t want the thought of relinquishing the baby to spoil the
happy moment, so he just nodded.
“I wondered if you did. I kinda guessed that was all Dean.” Bobby smiled in
support. “Maybe he’ll come round when he starts to bond with him.”
“Maybe.” Castiel whispered into the silky hair when he kissed the top of the
pup’s head.
“Don’t give up. Love’s a powerful thing, Cas.” Bobby soon abandoned his stab at
amateur philosophy in favour of grabbing his keys so he could drive into Haven
and pick up a baby starter kit.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam was quietly confident when he petitioned the state court with the outline
for his omega reintegration program, his constant presence in the corridors of
City Hall starting to make some of the seniors nervous. That Winchester kid was
sharp as a tack and seemed to know ways around the law like no one else. The
more he challenged their authority, the more uneasy they felt. Absolute alpha
power was now under threat and they didn’t like it. Ruling by fear was one
thing but if they had enough public opposition, Supreme Court would be forced
to make reforms and take it all away in a heartbeat. The trouble really started
when many central CORP buildings got covered in a rash of explicit graffiti.
Maybe Sam winning that coveted seat was all society needed to get stirred up
and finally do something about it. People were getting braver, some omegas now
determined to speak out against the system and put an end to forced
examinations and corporate bullshit. Sam never forgot Dean managed to dodge his
last one. He shuddered when he imagined where his brother and the pup might
have ended up if they were rounded up by enforcement. It had to stop. The
disturbing images got blinked away when Sam realized his cell was ringing. He
rushed to answer it when he saw who was calling.
Bobby excitedly told him about the pup’s arrival, and then promptly pissed all
over it by blurting out Dean was intending to give the baby away. It was such a
shock, Sam had to sit down. Never once expecting someone would set a time limit
on being able to meet his nephew. He didn’t have to ask why Dean would make
such a heartbreaking decision. He knew how hard he fought over the years and
nothing ever changed. Then government facilities started springing up all over
the place and tipped the balance for good. It was so unfair. Sam managed to
pull himself together enough to tell Bobby he would be home as soon as he
could. His office had booked a press conference that was going live on every
station. It was too late to cancel and too important to ditch. He asked Bobby
to pass on the details to Castiel, but Sam suspected he would have his hands
full with making up bottles and wiping the puppy’s butt. Gaining enough freedom
for Cas to keep his family together was all the incentive Sam needed to fight
for reintegration with every last drop of blood in his body.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean woke up to an ache between his legs and a sopping wet t-shirt. Castiel
must have put a clean one on him just before he fell asleep. Everything still
seemed so hazy. He slowly remembered the pain when his senses returned and then
all his emotions came rushing back like a tidal wave. It filled him with shame
knowing he hadn’t even looked at the baby. It was just easier that way and Cas
seemed so happy Dean didn’t want to take that moment away from him. Whatever
happened he would always have the joy of delivering his own son locked in a
precious memory. Dean felt his stomach drop when he thought about how deep that
loss would hurt someone he loved so much. The thought got swept away when he
slapped his palm to his chest just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. The
material was sticking to the damp patches like glue. Dean eased his aching body
out of bed and delicately edged his way downstairs. Everything was so quiet, he
wondered at first if they’d left him alone again. When he rounded the bottom of
the steps he saw something that made a lump swell up in his throat.
Castiel was fast asleep on the couch with the pup curled up on his stomach,
strong alpha chest rising and falling with deep breaths of peace. His head was
tipped back, eyes closed. Both arms wrapped so warmly around the small body he
might have wanted to stay like that forever. Dean didn’t think he could ever
love anyone more. He suddenly felt something maternal stir inside him when the
baby yawned and stretched out a tiny arm. His pudgy fingers grabbed for
purchase on Castiel’s shirt while he made frantic little noises until he
realized he was safe. Dean couldn’t stop himself from staring. The need to hold
his son almost crumbled his resolve to stick by the decision he made so many
weeks before when that beautiful little boy was just a featureless bump.
Castiel slowly blinked his eyes open when the pup tried to wriggle free to get
to Dean, the familiar scent drenching developing senses. Castiel turned to see
him standing rigid in the doorway. He smiled and held out one hand for Dean to
take.
“Come here, sweetheart. I think he wants to give you a cuddle.”
“No, it’s okay.” Dean answered, biting into his lip. “I don’t wanna disturb
him.”
“Dean.” Castiel said firmly. “Come here.”
“Cas.” Dean tried to protest, his gaze darting away. Castiel’s eyes were always
so persuasive, and Dean wasn’t sure he had enough willpower left to resist
every desire his mate was ever likely to have. “We talked about this already.”
He reached out to him again, but Dean’s hand felt cold and unresponsive when
their fingers finally touched. Castiel believed he might be at risk of slipping
into a decline if he didn’t bond with the baby. Postpartum was already a threat
they couldn’t ignore, but a shitload of regret on top could easily push him
over the edge.
“No.” Castiel replied calmly. “You talked and I listened.” He didn’t want to
upset Dean after such a traumatic experience but he wasn’t going to pretend he
was perfectly okay with his decision either. Castiel subconsciously tightened
the hold on his baby like he expected someone to come in off the street and
whisk him away. “Now it’s your turn to listen. I don’t want to give him up,
Dean.” The heavy silence that followed only made Castiel’s stomach sink lower.
“Just hold him for a bit. That’s all he wants.”
“But what if I drop him on accident?”
Castiel had to give Dean credit for the most transparent stalling tactic in
recorded history.
“You’ll be fine.” Castiel persisted. He knew why Dean was so reluctant to take
the pup from him and was doing his best to be patient. If he pushed too hard,
Dean would soon brick up his defenses. It had taken so long to chip away at
that wall Castiel had no intention of fucking everything up now he’d earned
Dean’s trust again. The wavering indecision was so thick he could almost touch
it. Castiel’s eyes were begging him to try. Dean made the mistake of looking
into them.
“Okay… but just for a minute.” He agreed hesitantly. Castiel gave the puppy a
little kiss on the cheek while Dean sat down next to them on the couch, just
waiting. His whole body was stiff with fearful anticipation.
“You have to hold your arms up. Like this.” Castiel demonstrated the best way
to make the baby feel comfortable. “So he can snuggle in.” Dean slowly folded
both of them across his chest so Castiel could rest their son against his body.
He could feel his nipples start to tingle when the puppy nuzzled his button
nose against him and opened up wide, snuffling to latch on.
“He’s really hungry.” Castiel’s mouth was spread into a proud smile at just how
good his pup was at following his instincts, wondering if he would grow up to
present as an alpha. He had eyes that seemed endlessly blue and a covering of
soft dark hair. Castiel hoped one day he could persuade his mate to fill their
house with the patter of little paws. The baby could smell the promise of a
meal soaking through Dean’s shirt, constantly shaking his head to try and find
the tap.
“Cas, take him back… please.”
“Dean.” Castiel sighed with disappointment. “You’re not giving him a chance.”
Dean had been fighting with his conscience since the moment he heard those
demanding cries fill every corner of the garage. The impulse to feed him was
pulling at every last shred of morality but the protective one was stronger.
Dean knew the pup would be better off with someone who wasn’t on top of
enforcement’s most wanted. He would never be free, never stop running and
hiding until all the insanity was gone for good. Sam was a freaking genius, but
he was only one man.
“I can’t, Cas. I just can’t.” Dean hurriedly deposited the poor little pup back
into Castiel’s arms with a muttered excuse about needing some air. He took in a
deep breath when he felt the morning breeze caress his face, almost tempted to
run down to dragonfly pond and pretend he was thirteen again without a care in
the world. Bobby passed him in the yard, his arms full of bags after a second
trip to town.
“You alright?” He asked, through a squint.
“I’m fine. I just felt a bit dizzy.” Dean lied. Bobby grunted at him. He was
starting to feel bad for the baby. Tempted to knock Dean upside the head to
beat some sense into him.
“Hmm. Come inside, there’s somethin’ you need to hear.”
Castiel jumped up as soon as he heard the door open and set to making up a
bottle, eagerly emptying the limitless package of wonders Bobby deposited on
the desk. He told them everything. Sam was finally going to have the chance to
broadcast his ideas to the world so karma could pay him what was due and get
the credit he deserved. Castiel listened in silence while the pup completely
drained the bottle to the last drop. When Bobby had finished, he knew the time
was right to return to Washington and put his plan into action.
“I need to go back.” He said slowly. “I need to be there when Sam makes that
speech.”
“Cas?” Dean whispered in dismay. Last night was still a bit blurry but he
distinctly remembered the promise Castiel made when he was kneeling between his
thighs. “You said you were never leaving me again.”
“Damn straight.” Castiel replied, without even having to think about it. “I
don’t ever want to be away from you, Dean. Not for a second.” He pulled his
omega into a desperate hug and kissed the side of his face. “This time I’m
taking you with me.” Castiel paused, not sure what sort of reaction he was
going to get. The dystopian mess of the Capital’s streets was no place for a
baby, so Castiel looked to Bobby for help to back him up. Dean would need a bit
of time to rest before they made the journey but the broadcast date was only a
few days away and Castiel had to make sure every eye in the nation was trained
on him when he stood by Sam’s side. He had no idea what the consequences would
be, but one thing was certain. They would make it home.
Dean was determined to leave the pup with Bobby so he could place him with a
suitable family before he got too attached to them. He almost broke when he saw
how much the baby needed him and he wasn’t going to let it happen again. Dean
knew Castiel was really upset with him and retreated to the bedroom with his
tail between his legs. That one pitiful attempt at bonding making him feel like
a miserable failure all over again. The guilt was crushing. Even though it
killed him inside, Castiel stood by Dean’s decision and vowed to put it right
one day. It might be too late to search for their own pup once the papers were
signed, but if his plan came together he could save so many others from a life
of captivity.
“Cas?” Bobby demanded, after a long and painful pause. “What the hell are you
thinkin’ giving up so easily? I thought you were gonna fight for him.” The pup
had fallen asleep in Castiel's arms again.
“Believe me, I am. There’s just something I have to do first, Bobby.” He
hinted. “I don’t know what’s going to happen after that but I know we’ll stay
together. I would give up everything for Dean. I love him so much.”
“I know you do.” Bobby surrendered with a sigh. He could see how much Cas
adored that baby. It must have been something serious to drag him away from the
pup so soon. “More importantly he knows it too, now. He’s been so lost without
you all these years.”
“I think I was the one who was lost.” Castiel murmured. His voice sounded
distant, like he was trying to push out the memory of so many lonely nights. “I
swear I won’t leave him again, Bobby. Please make sure the pup is safe. I’m
going to work on Dean as best I can while we’re gone. I just hope it won’t be
too late to get him back.”
“I will. I’ll do right by him, you have my word.” Castiel’s face was still wet
with tears when he thought about having to hand the baby over and inhaled like
it was his last breath. No words could ever describe how much that was going to
hurt. “I’ll hold off as long as I can in case Dean changes his mind. You are
coming back though, right?” Bobby asked anxiously.
“Of course. There’s nowhere I’d rather be, Bobby. I left most of my heart in
Haven with Dean.” Castiel stroked his damp cheek against the baby’s face like
he wanted to remember every touch, every scent. “And now this little angel has
the rest.”
“You don’t have to do this, Cas.”
“Yes I do. Dean’s right.” Castiel admitted quietly. “I don’t want to spend the
rest of my life looking over my shoulder. It’s my duty to protect my boys -
both of them.”
“Good luck to you, son.” Bobby suddenly embraced Castiel and gave him a pat on
the back. Some dust from the yard must’ve got lodged in his eye. “Whatever you
got planned, I hope it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Mr Smith Goes To Washington *****
67. Mr Smith Goes To Washington
Bobby rubbed one hand across his face and left Castiel to settle his son. The
baby was twitching in and out of peaceful dreams every time the memory of
Dean’s scent kept jerking him awake. Castiel knew all the pup wanted was to be
bathed in the warm protection of omega pheromones to send him back to sleep. It
broke Castiel’s heart to know his little boy would soon be gone. Bobby slowly
climbed the stairs like the weight of a hundred lifetimes was pressing down on
him. There was nothing more to do but support them as best he could. He gently
tapped on the bedroom door before easing it open. Dean was stretched out on his
side with one arm covering his eyes. He tensed when he heard someone come in,
but he didn’t look up.
“You okay, lad?” Bobby asked quietly. Dean just mumbled an incoherent reply.
“Babe’s still hungry.”
“Cas has got it covered.” Dean murmured into the pillow. “I’m no use, anyway.”
Bobby was still a bit sharp with him for refusing to look after the pup like he
should. He couldn’t stay pissed at him for long when he realized it wasn't
because Dean didn't care. The weary defeat in his voice showed how much that
boy was hurting. “It’s better if I stay out the way. Cas is really mad with
me.”
“He’s not mad, Dean. Just upset.” Bobby sat down on the end of the bed. He
tried to smile but it wouldn’t come. “It’s hard for an alpha not to take
responsibility for a life they created. You’re not givin' him enough credit for
trying to be a good father.” Dean gently rolled over onto his back. He was
still a bit tender.
“Yes, I am. That’s why I feel so damn guilty. I've seen the way he looks at the
pup.” Dean finally glanced up. “I just want to give him a better life, is all.”
Bobby could see in his eyes how much he really meant that. “Promise me you’ll
make sure someone takes him in before we get back. I don’t think I can deal
with having to let him go all over again.”
“Dean.” Bobby tried. He hated making promises he didn’t want to keep.
“Please.” Dean pushed himself up and dragged his butt down the bed a bit. “I
can’t go to Washington with Cas if you don’t.” Dean had a talent for mastering
emotional blackmail. It hit its mark, as usual. Bobby had no idea why Castiel
was so determined to get back to Sam, but he didn’t want the taint of messing
up a master plan to stain an otherwise reasonably clean conscience.
“Okay.” Bobby agreed reluctantly. He had to force it out through the knot
lodged inside his throat. “I promise.” Dean’s whole body sagged with relief.
Maybe their son could still have a good life with someone to keep him safe from
persecution.
Castiel couldn’t calm the pup down, no matter how many random positions he
shifted him into. The baby wanted Dean and wouldn’t seem to take no for an
answer. Castiel draped him over one shoulder and rubbed comforting circles
across his tiny back while he followed Bobby up the stairs. Dean had so little
time to spend with the pup as it was, and Castiel wanted them to absorb as many
cherished memories as they could before he vanished without a trace. Bobby was
grateful of a reason to disappear when Castiel materialized in the doorway with
his arms full of fidgeting puppy. He knew the boys needed to be alone.
“Dean?” Castiel attempted cautiously. “I think he wants to be with you.”
“No, Cas.” Dean sounded like someone suddenly pushed his panic-button. “Don’t
do that to him. It’s not fair to give him something just to take it away
again.” It was such a selfless thing to say Castiel stopped dead in surprise,
ashamed he ever doubted Dean’s motivation. He really did have the baby’s best
interests at heart. “You don’t understand, Cas.” Dean whispered quietly,
mistaking stunned silence for disappointment. Castiel caressed a satiny cheek
with the back of one finger when he carefully set the bundle down on the bed.
“I’m trying to, I really am but he didn’t ask to be here and I want to look
after him.” Bobby was right. Every alpha instinct was screaming to protect his
mate and their baby until Castiel took his last breath.
“It’s too late, Cas.” Dean sighed, turning his face away. “I can’t stand the
thought of him being all alone without us. I made Bobby promise he would find
him a new family while we’re gone, and he never breaks his word.” Castiel
almost smiled when a tiny spark of hope made his stomach tremble. So Dean was
at the mercy of his instincts, after all. Just fighting against them so hard he
managed to convince himself he was no good, and the pup would be better off
growing up without him. “He won’t be here when we get back.”
“Okay.” Castiel added, after a long pause. Dean was a mess, and Castiel didn’t
want to make him feel any worse than he did already. He was going to do
everything he could to change Dean’s mind, but decided to humour him for now.
“But I’ll take a picture so you can look at him while we’re away and see if
that’s really what you want.” Castiel used the excuse to move the pup a bit
closer and pulled out his cell. The baby tried to shuffle into Dean’s side,
rosebud mouth getting ready to open up wide again to indulge in a late
breakfast. Castiel knew how upset Dean was last time the puppy tried to suckle
at him, so he wiggled one finger at the entrance. The baby pulled the tip
inside and sucked on Castiel’s pinkie so hard it started to go numb. It was a
poor substitute for a soft omega teat but the scent alone seemed to be enough.
He was fast asleep in less than a minute. Castiel gently pulled his finger out
with a pop, tiny pink mouth still moving around empty air. Castiel tucked them
both in and kissed each one of them in turn. Dean was trying not to let the
tears fall when he closed his eyes again.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Saying goodbye to his son without knowing if they would ever see him again was
the hardest thing Castiel had ever done. He was only three days old, but the
conference was set for the next morning and they didn't dare miss it. Dean
couldn’t even cry anymore, his face set in a mask of stone when he watched
Castiel hand the pup to Bobby. Enslaved by the cold emptiness he forced himself
to feel inside to stop his conscience from collapsing in a puddle of shame.
“He’ll be okay, Dean.”
“I know.” Dean answered, without blinking. His voice was flat and emotionless,
eyes searching into some far distance over Bobby’s shoulder so he didn’t have
to think about anything so damaging. Castiel never said a word when he kissed
the baby on the cheek. Tears were streaming down his face. Dean felt so bad for
him, the only thing he could manage at all was a little squeeze of his hand.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean once told Sam he was going to change the world one day, but neither of
them realized that day had finally come when the train pulled into Union
Station. Castiel had been unnaturally quiet all the way through West Virginia,
most of the painful journey spent staring out the window and watching the world
pass him by. Every thought consumed by milky skin and big blue eyes. He felt
sick when they eventually crossed Capitol Hill, following the road until the
taxi dropped them off outside City Hall. Sam was renting a motel a couple of
blocks away but he spent so much time at the office now, Castiel arranged to
meet him there. He never expected his friend to be back so soon, but he was
damn glad to see him. It was a pivotal point in Sam’s career and he was really
happy someone he loved was there to share it. He embraced Castiel with a warm
smile when he was sent through to see him.
“Hello, Sam.” Castiel shook his hand. “I see you’ve been keeping yourself
busy.”
“Just a bit.” Sam laughed. “So have you, I hear. A baby boy, huh?
Congratulations, Cas. How’s Dean?”
“You can ask him yourself. He’s waiting outside.”
“You didn’t bring him here?” Sam gasped in horror. “And the pup?” Castiel shook
his head and stared at the ground. His mouth dipped down. “Cas.” Sam exhaled in
dismay. “This place is crawling with TV crews and enforcement. Dean was safe in
Haven. Why would you put him at risk like that?” Sam was so distracted by his
upcoming address he never thought to ask where the baby was. The news his
brother was there as well was an extra stress he just didn’t need. Dean may as
well put the handcuffs on himself and walk straight into the lobby with his
tags sparkling in the sunlight like a neon sign.
“I had to. I promised Dean I’d never leave him again and I meant it, Sam. I
don't want to spend another minute away from him.” Castiel looked so sincere,
Sam had to cut him a break. “Besides, I need Dean to be here. There’s another
reason I came back and I can’t do it without him.”
Dean felt like he’d been hanging around forever. Left alone with troubled
thoughts and constantly wondering if the pup was alright. He was still leaking
from both sides, a pang of guilt rising up inside him every time he caught a
hint of colostrum. Dean spent most of the time blending into the crowd
gathering outside while they waited for Sam to speak. Castiel was strangely
insistent Dean had to be in the hall when his brother took to the stage, the
world’s media climbing over each other to hear what this new omega advocate had
to say for himself. CORP had drafted in the usual reinforcements when anything
looked like it might go south. Castiel recognized a few badges, but managed to
slip by unnoticed for the most part. His heart sank when he saw a familiar face
on segregation duty by the main door. He pretended not to have seen him when
Carter grabbed for his partner’s arm and almost fell over himself to get a
better look.
“That’s fucking Novak. What the hell is he doing here?” Carter muttered to
himself. Castiel was already following Sam into the conference hall after he
sent a quick text to Dean to tell him to slide in one of the exit doors so no
one would stop him. “He’s supposed to be assigned to the Smith case. Maybe he’s
got a lead… come on.”
Sam went on to give a brilliant speech about the value of omegas in society and
how important it was to work together for reintegration. He had a five-year
plan everyone could understand and a sign-up box at the back for volunteers to
help man the government facilities and provide support for those poor babies
already locked away. Sam knew Cas was planning something but never imagined
what was coming next. Castiel took the microphone when Sam finished and thanked
him for everything he’d done for the cause, encouraging another round of
applause before he took over. He ignored the curious looks from some of the men
who knew Novak was a New York enforcement officer. He was quiet for a few
seconds while he gazed around the room, eyes scanning the crowd for some sign
of Dean. There were just too many people, so Castiel appealed for him to come
forward.
“Omega 281269. Dean? Dean Winchester. Can you come up here please?” Castiel
tapped into the mic. Dean had been trying to blend into the sea of random
faces, one of Bobby’s battered caps pulled down over his eyes and dog-tags
tucked into his shirt. No one had even given him a second glance, but a
lifetime of hiding was a hard habit to break. Dean didn’t dare move until
Castiel called out to him again. He slowly pushed his way forward, thinking the
stress of giving up the pup had caused Cas to wander off the reservation
completely. Castiel spotted him when he reached the front of the stage and held
out one hand to help him up the steps. Dean was shaking from head to toe but he
could see the confidence in Castiel’s eyes. His alpha was fearless now there
was no going back. “You don’t have to hide anymore. I’ll always look after
you.”
“Cas, you’re scaring me.” Dean quietly forced out the words between his teeth.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Something I should have done a long time ago.” He smiled, his eyes sparkling
with hope when he drew in a little closer. Castiel ran a wet tongue across his
lips and Dean knew he was going to kiss him.
“Cas.” Dean suddenly panicked. “Everyone can see.” Castiel took hold of Dean’s
waist with both hands and jerked his hips towards him in a sexual invitation so
raw it made his body hitch in surprise.
“Let them watch.” Breathless gasps were soon swallowed up by Castiel’s mouth
when he pushed his fingers into Dean’s hair and gave him the longest, most
seductive kiss he could manage with only one set of lungs. The shutter clicks
and flash of cameras made sure that smooch was going out live to every station.
Castiel gave Dean a wink when he finally pulled away, so subtle he might have
missed it. “Dip your head.” Those demanding eyes forced Dean to give in
willingly to omega submission. He let Castiel direct him when he leaned in and
tenderly unhooked the silver chain. A murmur of concern rippled through the
crowd when it slipped free. Castiel smiled, removing the tags of shame that had
hung around Dean’s neck for so long it almost felt like something was missing.
Castiel took hold of Dean’s hands before pulling out his cell from an inside
pocket with the other. A cute little face was staring back at him. His
background set with the picture he took for Dean just before they left.
“This is the man I love.” Castiel held up his phone, cameras zooming in for a
close up of their little boy. “And this is our puppy.” He looked about to
break, and Dean was in no state to help him. He was standing rigid by Castiel’s
side, too scared of repercussions to feel anything but fear when he looked
around the room. He had never seen so many silver stars in one place. “Because
of what we are, this is all I have left of my son. He doesn’t have a daddy or a
papa there to tuck him in tonight.” Castiel could feel his own tears springing
up again. “My only crime - loving an omega more than I love my own life.”
Sam stood by his friend the whole time, his own emotions rising to a fragile
surface when he heard what had really happened to the pup. Live feed on the
screens now showed some of the omegas watching outside start to come together,
taking off their own tags and dropping them on the ground. Not one enforcement
officer moved in to stop them. It was almost like a cloak had been lifted from
many eyes. An alpha and an omega had fallen in love without the universe
imploding or the stars falling out of the sky. The reign of terror had been
driven by the threat of something that turned out to be nothing more than a
weak attempt to gain power. When it came down to the knuckle no one could fight
against nature. Some things were just meant to be. So many good people had lost
sight of how important it was to share the world, not divide it. If two men who
were supposed to be on opposite sides could make such a beautiful baby, they
must be doing something right. Carter suddenly got jostled along by a couple of
juniors sent in to remove that rogue alpha from in front of the cameras before
Novak damned them all completely.
“Wait.” Carter stretched out one arm to hold them back. “I want to hear him.”
He was staring up at Castiel in awe, remembering the model officer he once
admired. That spark of fire was in his eyes again, determination set firm on a
strong jaw. “Not least out of respect for the size of his brass balls.” The
crowd soon settled again. No one had wrestled Dean to the ground and slapped
the cuffs on him just yet, so Castiel slipped off his jacket and took full
control of the stage.
“In standing by Sam Winchester’s side today I risk my badge and my freedom.
Maybe even my life, but I want the world to listen to our story.” Dean was
still staring at him, his eyes wide in amazement. An expectant hush ran through
the audience, but Castiel wasn’t done yet. He was so completely focused on
Dean, he didn’t even care every camera in the room was still fixed on him. Sam
was smiling softly by his side. The power of having an alpha’s badge behind him
was so powerful, it would be the first of many that would go on to support his
plan for reintegration. Castiel turned to look over his shoulder and gave Sam a
little nod. The cue for him to pass over the single red rose Castiel gave him
earlier to keep safe until the right moment. Sam was so proud of his friend
when he dropped to one knee at Dean’s feet. The room was completely silent
except for the rapid click of cameras and a rumble of excitement outside. When
he looked up at Dean, Castiel thought he was going to throw up or his heart
might give out. Not sure which was coming first. “Marry me.”
Dean could hear his own pulse beating when he stared down into the eyes of a
man who was prepared to give up everything for him.
“Cas.” Dean breathed out in a dazed whisper. Everyone else in the room just
faded away until all he could see were two perfect blue pools blinking up at
him. Sam sucked at the inside of his cheek when he gave Dean a gentle shove in
the middle of his back to push him forward.
“Will you?” Dean took the bud from Castiel’s fingers. Their perfect moment
broadcast on all stations while the whole assembly watched in silence. It was
the most romantic thing any of them had ever seen. Senior officers could see
the tide had suddenly shifted, glancing nervously at one another before
deciding to slip away in case they got lynched. “Dean?” Castiel had been
balancing on one knee for so long it was bordering on awkward. Dean was so
overwhelmed he couldn’t find his voice at all. Everyone was still waiting for
him to say something. His eyes slid to the side, taking in the room packed full
of people. Alphas, normals and omegas all huddled together in the same space
without it actually descending into a massacre. Dean couldn’t tell them apart.
They all looked the same. “You still haven’t given me an answer.” Castiel
slowly stood up and reached out to Dean again to calm him, lifting one hand to
caress the side of his face with a touch so soft and worshipful it was almost
sacred. He caught the hint of a hesitant nod when he dipped his head to meet
Dean’s gaze. “Is that a yes?” Castiel whispered, the burning desire to have his
question satisfied one way or the other making his heart thump like a broken
sail. Dean closed his eyes and took his alpha’s hand, touching their lips
together again when he breathed the word yes into Castiel’s mouth.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Progeny *****
68. Progeny
Sam was still smiling when people eventually started to drift away with new
hope for a better future. Castiel’s romantic confession was like the first
drops of water that would swell into a flood and wash away the stain of
discrimination. He whisked Dean through one of the side doors before anyone had
chance to make a move on him. Sam had to hold back his own tears when he looked
around the room. Most of the senior enforcement officers had shown exactly what
they were really made of and melted into the background, leaving the floor
littered with discarded tags that sparkled like little stars in the dark hall.
Sam’s heart fluttered when he realized all those sleepless nights and endless
hours spent leafing through legal papers had been worth every second. He was
going to make a change.
Sam was busy clearing away the stage before he had to face the press outside
when he suddenly noticed a young woman standing alone by the sign-up station.
The hall was practically empty but she looked like she might be waiting for
someone. Sam felt inexplicably drawn to her and understood why when he got
closer. Round blue eyes smiled up at him when he approached, pale golden curls
gently bouncing on her shoulders when she moved forward to shake his hand. Her
skin looked like whipped cream with two pink circles highlighting her
cheekbones. Sam’s breath caught in his throat when he opened his mouth to try
and say something before she spotted the beads of nervous sweat forming above
his lip.
“You alright, miss?” Sam asked politely, attempting another smile. He had never
seen anyone so beautiful.
“I’m fine.” She answered quietly, her voice warm and comforting. Sam knew his
cheek was twitching. He desperately hoped she wouldn’t think he was a total
idiot. “I wanted to ask you about volunteering. Your speech was amazing, Mr.
Winchester. I’d really like to do anything I can to support the cause.”
“Sam, please.” He answered, finally taking her outstretched hand. “That’s
wonderful. We can always use some help.” The first touch between them felt like
ripples of happiness rushing up his fingers on a mission to flow right to his
heart.
“I’m Jess.” She replied. Sam couldn’t drag his eyes away from her perfect
mouth. “Jessica Moore.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was still a bit sore so Castiel booked them into a local motel, planning
to head back when he was feeling up to facing the journey home. The place was
well out the way and hidden from prowling enforcement if there was anyone left
who cared enough to hunt him down. Castiel was becoming increasingly concerned.
Dean had been disturbingly quiet since accepting his proposal and Castiel
wasn’t sure why.
“You alright?” He asked slowly, winding one arm around Dean’s waist to help him
onto the bed. Dean just gave him a reassuring nod but Castiel didn’t miss the
deep emptiness behind his eyes. He didn’t speak at all for a few minutes,
distracted with staring out the window like he was searching for something he
just couldn’t find.
“Do you think the baby’s okay?” Dean asked suddenly, not meaning to sound quite
so desperate.
“'Course he is.” Castiel sat down next to him with a bump and rubbed one hand
up and down his thigh. He was watching Dean closely, longing to see even one
small flicker of remorse but there was nothing there. The disguise still
plastered over his real emotions like a brick wall that might crumble any
minute if Castiel prodded too hard. “Bobby won’t let any harm come to him. I’m
sure he’ll find a real nice family to look after him.” Castiel hesitated for a
second, hoping he hadn’t imagined the waver in Dean’s voice. “That was what you
wanted, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Dean murmured. His expression never faltered. “That was what I wanted.”
The air trembled with a heavy pause. Dean was obviously in no mood to talk so
Castiel decided to give him some time alone to think about what they had left
behind.
“You okay to stay here for a bit if I head back over to City Hall in case Sam
needs a hand with enforcement? I did kinda ditch him to make sure you were safe
and it’s a bit of a dick move to just leave him to it.” Dean hummed a distant
reply. “I won’t be long.” Castiel suspected he was thinking about the pup again
and deliberately left his cell phone on the bed before giving Dean a little
kiss on the cheek. He headed off after swearing he would be back as soon as he
could, not sure how much chaos they might have left in their wake. He wanted to
help Sam out with a bit of damage control if he had to.
Dean hardly moved at all while he waited for his mate to come back. He was
secretly nursing a shitload of budding regret but was too scared to say
anything. He knew how much Cas wanted to keep their puppy and if the chance of
being a family had already slipped through their fingers it would be his fault.
Dean didn’t want to hurt Castiel anymore and made a point of ignoring the phone
for a few minutes. The desire to take a quick peek soon overcame the good sense
to let well alone. His eyes kept being pulled over to the screen like a
temptation he couldn’t resist. Dean was struggling with his conscience since
the second he said goodbye to their son in Haven and gave a little tut of
annoyance at his own weak attempt to pretend he didn’t care. He suddenly
reached for it and stared down at the picture. He never really noticed how
gorgeous the pup was before, a scaled-down version of Castiel’s eyes gazing
back at him in silent judgement. He swallowed hard when he sensed something
slowly seep out of both teats and soak into his shirt. It only made him feel
even more guilty and Dean couldn’t stop the water from dropping down his cheeks
when he remembered Bobby’s promise. He would never go back on his word and Dean
knew he was probably going home to no idea where his son was or even if the
little dude was missing the comfort of familiar scents and home. Dean should
have been so happy now his alpha was finally going to commit to him completely
but his eyes were still full of tears. Getting hitched without their pup there
to share that beautiful moment felt so wrong it hurt like hell.
Castiel returned in less than an hour. Sam hadn’t really needed any help and
seemed much more interested in his new recruit. He almost got knocked off his
feet when Dean launched himself across the room and into Castiel’s arms the
second he walked through the door. He sniffled against his cheek, hanging onto
his alpha’s shoulders while the tears came again. Castiel stroked his back and
held him close while it all came pouring out.
“What happened?” Castiel gasped in surprise, fear rising up inside him when he
realized how many salty trails were staining both cheeks. Dean could hardly
string a sentence together he was sobbing so hard. Castiel panicked, mystified
as to how brooding silence had descended into a complete meltdown in the time
it had taken to walk two blocks and back. “What’s the matter? Did you get a
pain?” Dean shook his head and wiped his nose on Castiel’s sleeve when he moved
one hand up to caress his chest. He bumped one dripping nipple on accident and
a huge rush of blood surged south. He quickly tried to hide it, stunned by how
much that turned him on.
“Cas.” Dean’s face started to collapse in despair while Castiel continued to
rub the edge of one thumb over the damp splodge. The gentle touch only made
Dean long to feel a little mouth sucking on his breast while he filled up the
puppy’s tummy. “I want my baby.” Castiel jerked his head up, staring into
Dean’s eyes just to make sure he heard right. They were shining with regret.
His natural instincts had finally won out.
“Oh, Dean.” Castiel sighed, pulling his omega even closer so he could warm his
lips with the exhalation of rapid breaths. Dean was still crying when Castiel
covered his entire face with eager kisses. “Do you really mean it?” Dean
nodded, scared to death he might be too late to ever hold his tiny pup again.
Castiel was so excited he licked at the corners of Dean’s mouth, relief and
happiness swallowing up every dark corner of his heart. He was already achingly
hard from the intoxicating smell sticking to Dean’s t-shirt and soon let
himself get carried away, pushing a searching tongue between Dean's lips while
he rutted against his leg like he wanted to mark him with a fresh alpha scent.
Castiel pressed their hips together, grabbing at Dean’s ass with possessive
hands and nibbling on his neck. Once Dean accepted his proposal, it sort of
meant he also agreed to let Cas claim him, but full-on sex would hurt too much
so soon after delivering a pup and he had to force himself not to sink his
teeth into that perfect skin. Dean didn’t pull away when Castiel encouraged him
to lift up his arms and strip off his shirt to get better access to the
unspoken promise making him wildly impulsive. Dean fell back on to the bed when
Castiel pushed him down and covered that soft omega body with his own. His
mouth slowly trailed down from Dean's throat and across his chest, breathing
heavily when his lips brushed against a wet bud. It smelled so good he couldn’t
stop himself from running his tongue over it, hesitating just for a second
before latching on and drawing a first taste into his mouth with a moan of
arousal. He eased Dean's legs apart and settled between them, shamelessly
indulging in a lactation kink he never knew he had. Castiel couldn’t seem to
get enough and sucked on Dean like he wanted to drain him dry. Dean seemed
completely blissed out by the new sensation. It took Castiel a few seconds to
get anything out of him at all when he eventually pulled away. He slithered up
Dean’s body so he could kiss him again, sweet warm nectar still hanging on his
lips. Dean could taste it when Castiel touched their mouths together.
“Dean?” Castiel prompted again. “You sure you’re okay? It kills me to see you
cry.”
“You’re not mad with me?” Dean asked in surprise, when his eyes finally flicked
open. He had made such a fucking mess of everything.
“I could never be mad at you, sweetheart.” Castiel smiled into his mouth. “I
love you too much. I just wanted you to be happy - whatever you decided.” He
cuddled into him while little jolts of a building orgasm started to shoot up
into the bottom of his stomach. Dean didn’t seem to notice how close Castiel
was to exploding all over him just from a mouthful of omega milk.
“But I’m not happy, Cas.” Dean admitted in a whisper. “I really meant it when I
said yes, and I know I should feel something but I just don’t.” His breath
swept across Castiel’s skin and made his dick give another hopeful twitch but
he knew Dean wasn’t up to making out now he was pining for the pup. “I never
realized how much I cared until I lost him.”
“Hey, come on. We haven’t lost him yet. I really want us all to be together but
I have to do it properly.” Castiel shifted his body round until their hips were
touching again. “Next time I fuck you I'm not sure I can stop myself from
biting.” Dean let his mate snuggle up to him, caressing his damp skin with a
gentleness he wanted to lose himself in completely. Dean’s heart was pounding
at the thought of being claimed after so many years of waiting. Castiel felt
shallow gasps stutter against his side.
“'Kay.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean hardly slept a wink. He was restless and anxious, despite spending the
entire night wrapped up in Castiel’s arms. His alpha was still sleeping soundly
by his side when the dawn light filtered in. Dean couldn’t wait any longer and
carefully shook him awake. Now his mind was made up, he was itching to go home
and deal with the consequences of his stupid indecision. He believed in his
heart Bobby would have kept his promise and made sure the pup wouldn’t be there
when they got back. He knew Dean wouldn’t be able to deal with it.
Castiel could sense the unease bleeding out of him all the way back to Haven.
He was just as scared they were too late but he was trying so hard to be strong
for Dean. It would break him if the baby was already gone.
Dean wanted to go down to dragonfly pond first before his life changed forever,
one way or the other. Maybe he could pretend everything was okay if they didn’t
go back to an empty house, the smell of baby soap and formula all but faded
away. The not knowing was the worst but Dean couldn’t seem to make his way back
to Bobby’s in case he was right. They sat on the bank holding hands just like
they used to while they stared out across the water. It looked like a perfect
sheet of glass. The sun was shining on them but part of Dean’s heart was still
missing. A void that would never be filled until he was holding his baby boy in
his arms again. Castiel knew the sadness lining his face had been eating away
inside him since they left. No words could explain how happy he was Dean had
changed his mind, but there was still a shadow of doubt looming over them and
tainting the cloudless blue sky.
Castiel realized Dean was only stalling out of fear but every minute that
passed was another wasted if they wanted to find their pup. Dean just sat for a
while in silence, the calm breeze playing with his hair until he finally
decided it was time to drag Castiel back up the slope at the end of the meadow.
They made for the shortcut that would take them back to Bobby’s but Dean
suddenly stopped in the middle of the path with a little whimper.
“Dean?” Castiel asked in alarm, when he sensed shaking fingers go stiff in his
hand. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. “What’s the matter?” Dean was gazing
down Eighth Street, his eyes so wide almost all the green was showing. Most of
the colour had drained from his face. He was staring at a woman standing on the
opposite side of the road, long flaxen hair dropping down her back when she
lifted up one hand to block out the sun. “Who is that?” Her mouth slid open in
surprise when she turned to glance over one shoulder. Dean thought he must be
seeing things and felt dangerously faint when a fading memory slowly grew
behind his eyes and made his knees give way. He squeezed Castiel’s hand so hard
it hurt.
“It’s my mom.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Summer Flowers And Blueberry Pie *****
69. Summer Flowers And Blueberry Pie
Castiel was probably more surprised than Dean to see Mary Winchester drop into
Haven after everything he told him when they were young. Dean curled into his
mate for protection when she hesitantly started to walk towards them. The humid
air was hanging down in expectant silence save for the familiar sounds of long
happy days spent by their little pond.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m here.” Castiel whispered against the side of his face,
holding his hand even tighter. Dean couldn’t seem to lift his head up to look
into his mother’s eyes when he sensed her stop a few feet away. He could almost
smell her hair on the summer breeze. One of the rare cherished memories he
always held on to in his mind.
“Hello, Dean.” Mary tried, the nervous tremble in her voice making her sound so
insecure and vulnerable. She was scared of rejection and didn’t seem to have
anything else to say until she was really sure her son wanted to speak to her
at all. Castiel reached out to take her hand so Dean wouldn’t feel so freaking
awkward.
“Nice to meet you, ma’am. Castiel Novak.”
Mary’s attention was suddenly pulled away from Dean.
“Yes, I know. I saw you on the news.” She gave Castiel a small nod of gratitude
for breaking the painful silence and gently shook his hand. “That was a
beautiful thing you did. Very brave.”
“Thank you, but it wasn’t so hard. I’ve waited a long time to really show Dean
how much I love him. Is that what brought you home?”
Home. Mary hadn’t really thought of Haven like that since the day she walked
away from her life there, but it sounded nice when it slipped off Castiel’s
tongue so effortlessly. It always felt like that to him, Peoria and New York
just distant places in time. Haven was home in his heart. Mary smiled at him
before her eyes flicked back to Dean again. He was still staring at the ground
and leaning into Castiel’s side but at least he’d stopped shaking. His alpha
always seemed to make everything better. Dean would never be able to explain
how wonderful that man made him feel.
“Yes and no.” Mary answered tactfully. Castiel heard Dean sigh next to him like
it was exactly the sort of thing he expected her to say. “You looked so happy,
so settled. I knew it was time to come back and make my peace. I’m sorry, Dean.
I’d really like to be a part of your life again, if you’ll let me.” Dean
finally glanced up. The fear of being abandoned a second time was much stronger
than the desire to hug her.
“I don’t know.” Dean had to be honest. He wasn’t sure he could deal with more
emotions while the pup was still only a sweet memory and nothing more. “It’s
been so many years, Mom.” Mary’s eyes suddenly shone with tears. No one had
called her that for a very long time. “I needed you.” Dean quickly checked
himself when that fell out his mouth without warning. His life might have been
so much easier if he’d had someone there who understood what it was like to be
different. He hadn’t intended to lay his soul bare that easily. Castiel never
realized until that moment why Dean always felt so alone.
“Can we at least go inside and talk about it?” Mary asked slowly, her soft gaze
never leaving Dean’s face. “I know you have a lot of questions and I’ll try my
best to answer them if you just give me a chance to explain.”
“Does Dad know you’re here?” Dean breathed out in a rush. He knew John had
always carried the hope he would see her again one day, but her unexpected
presence would knock him for six, and Dean wasn’t convinced he would be sober.
Not exactly the best criteria for a joyful reunion. Mary slowly shook her head.
“No. I’ve been out here for ages. I wasn’t sure I would be welcome.” Dean felt
his bitterness start to fade. She looked much older than he remembered but
still so small and helpless just standing in front of him, waiting for
acceptance. Her desperate blue eyes begging him for forgiveness without those
words even having to pass between them.
“I guess.” Dean answered, careful not to commit himself to anything other than
wanting to know where the fuck she’d been all his life, but he would definitely
be grateful for somewhere to sit down while the shock wore off. “But let me go
in first just to make sure he’s okay with it.” Dean was nervous as hell when he
stood at the top of the back steps to that little house on Eighth Street that
had been the centre of his childhood, so many conflicting feelings making his
pulse flutter. Dean hadn’t seen John since that day he came over to Bobby’s and
couldn’t think of a damn thing to say that would justify why the puppy wasn’t
there. A fresh pang of self-loathing rose up and turned his stomach. Castiel
was suddenly by his side, one hand resting over the top of Dean’s while it
hovered above the handle.
“We’ll go in together.” He smiled. “You never have to feel like you’re on your
own again, Dean. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I wasn’t prepared to
devote the rest of my life to looking after you, okay?” Dean was so blown away
by the pure love reflected back at him, he couldn’t manage to say anything at
all. Castiel tapped out of politeness before pushing the door open. John was
flaked out on the couch in front of the TV with an empty beer bottle dangling
between his fingers. It took him a few seconds to push himself up. No one ever
came to see him.
“Boys.” He greeted them after a few seconds and blinked himself fully awake.
Castiel still kind of looked the same, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.
Dean only ever gazed at one person like that. When John turned to look at his
son, the bump was very obviously missing. “You had the pup?” He seemed to perk
up a bit and strained his neck to see if they’d brought it along to meet him.
Dean just nodded but he didn’t want to talk about it yet, always believing his
dad thought he had grown into a massive disappointment. Admitting to leaving
the baby with Bobby would only prove him right.
“Dad, there’s someone here to see you.” Dean paused. There was no point in
delaying the inevitable and he was glad of something to steer the conversation
away from the absent puppy. “It’s Mom.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
It took John half an hour and three cups of strong black coffee before he could
even manage to put a sentence together. Mary was just as beautiful as he
remembered. All the years of loneliness were somehow washed away when he looked
into her eyes again. Dean left him propped up by the sink while he settled at
the counter with Castiel standing behind him. Mary sat down opposite.
“Let’s get straight to it, then.” Dean said flatly. He still wasn’t sure if he
was glad to see her. It brought back so much pain he spent a lifetime
plastering over.
“Okay.” Mary bit into her lip. Dean’s coldness wasn’t the response she longed
for. “I have so much to tell you but I want to know about you, too. I never
imagined I would see you again. I’m real happy you found someone to share your
life with, Dean.” Mary already figured Castiel must be Dean’s true mate. It was
impossible to ignore the way they just seemed to melt seamlessly together. She
thought the same about her alpha once but he turned out not to be quite the
knight in shining armour she expected.
“Alphas.” John muttered under his breath. He hadn’t really meant it to sound so
offensive, but he was still reeling from seeing his wife again and the cut of
her betrayal was etched deep inside his heart.
“Not all of them are bad.” Dean argued. He would defend Cas with his last
breath. He had more than made up for everything.
“I hate to say it, but they all only want one thing. Look what he did to you.”
“Dad, that’s not fair. I wasn’t exactly forced. 'Sides, his father lied when he
told me Cas didn’t love me anymore. I never got to find out the truth until we
met up again." Castiel could feel both cheeks heating up when he realized
John’s narrow eyes were fixed on the side of his face. Even now the thought of
Dean’s dad imagining them doing it made him want to hide under the table.
“But you aren’t mated.” Mary added quietly, covertly inspecting Dean’s neck
like she was checking for a couple of little round scars. Castiel thought it
was probably another cue for him to intervene again. He could see Dean was
struggling to make out he wasn’t falling apart inside. Mary’s sudden arrival
had only made him think about responsibility and family. Castiel suspected Dean
was questioning why he even thought about leaving his own baby when he
understood exactly what it felt like to grow up wondering what he did wrong to
make her leave.
“Not yet.” Castiel answered for both of them and quickly moved forward to make
sure Dean could feel the warm comfort of his body seep into his back. “It’s
been very difficult for us to be together with the country being so divided.
Dean wasn’t ready and I completely understand why he wanted to wait.” Castiel
replied, throwing in a supportive shoulder squeeze. That last line was aimed
more at Dean than at Mary.
“I’m glad you found a good man, I really am.” Mary reached out to touch his arm
but Dean was too quick and eased his body into Castiel and just out of her
reach. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for anything else yet. So much of his own
guilt was still buried just under the surface. He looked completely shell-
shocked while his mother continued to study him over the kitchen counter. “I’m
only sorry I wasn’t there to see it.”
“S’okay.” Dean shrugged, instinctive defenses quickly constructing a stiff
barrier so he could pretend it didn’t still hurt, even after so many years
without her. “I got used to people leaving me.”
“Dean.” Castiel murmured behind him. He could never make up for smashing his
self-worth into tiny pieces before he was even grown but he could see the shame
in Mary’s eyes. Castiel never really thought about how much damage she could do
again if his mom had no intention of sticking around. Mercilessly opening up
old wounds and rubbing a handful of salt into them.
“It’s alright, I deserve that.” Mary turned her face away. “I know you’re still
mad with me, Dean but I’m here now.”
“So why did you come back, then?” Dean snapped, completely blanking the subtle
warning. He knew he sounded bitchy and rude but Castiel understood Dean was
just redirecting his own guilt about abandoning their pup now he remembered how
much it stung.
“I wanted to for so long. I got blinded by the need for an alpha, but I was
wrong to leave you boys. I am sorry, Dean. I don’t know what else to say. I was
hoping you at least would be the one person who understood what it’s like to
feel pulled to someone.” Mary sighed. Dean was so defensive she was finding his
pissy attitude hard to ignore. “I thought you might present as an omega when
you were little. You turned out real good, Dean. I’m very proud of you and your
mate for doing what you did and giving Sam a chance to change things for all of
us.”
“Mom.” Dean attempted. He could feel her voice filtering out all his animosity.
He really had missed her. “I just want to know the truth.”
“He died.” Mary said suddenly. “Last year. I wanted to come back before and
tell you, but something always stopped me. Then I saw you and Sam on TV and
knew I had to make it right. To have an alpha officer do something like that
gives everyone hope. That meant a lot to omegas all over the country, Castiel.
You don’t even know how much you helped us.” Castiel wrapped his arms around
Dean’s neck and ran both hands all the way down his chest.
“Cas, please. Thanks, but I did it all for Dean really. He’s the most important
thing in the world to me… always was.” Castiel smiled into his hair when he
bent forward and kissed the top of Dean’s head. “I’ve been in love with him
since forever. I made a terrible mess of everything but I’m trying to make up
for it.”
“So am I.” Mary said quietly, sharing a sentimental look with John before
turning back to her son. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did.” Mary touched the
back of Dean’s hand where it was resting in his lap, and this time he didn’t
pull away. She looked like many years lined her face since the last time he saw
her. Dean was rigid in his seat when his mother dropped to her knees in front
of him and wrapped her arms around Dean’s neck. He felt all the pain disappear
when he finally gave in and leaned into her embrace. Mary let him bury his face
in her hair. She still smelled just the same as he remembered. Summer flowers
and blueberry pie. “You don’t know how much I regretted it.” Mary whispered.
John was still watching her over Dean’s shoulder. Castiel wanted to say
something about his own pup but he didn’t think it would be fair to dump that
on Dean while he was still working through deciding if he wanted his mom back
in the picture. “I know I don’t have the right to ask you this, but my heart
brought me back here.” Mary eventually released her hold on Dean and looked up
into his eyes. “Can I see the baby? Where is he?” Mary asked, turning her head
and scanning every corner like she expected to see her grandson pop out from
underneath Castiel’s shirt. Dean was soon staring at his feet again.
“I don’t know.” His eyes filled with fresh tears when he thought about the pup.
Castiel was still draped over him.
“What do you mean?” Mary asked fearfully, sitting back on her heels.
“I decided it would be best if someone else looked after him. I thought he
would have a better life, but I miss him so much.”
“Why would you do that when you know what it feels like?” Mary gasped,
stumbling to her feet. “Why would you do the same thing to your own?” Dean
almost fell off his chair. “You need to look after him. Love him like every day
together is your last. Trust me, I know how bad it hurts not being able to kiss
your children goodnight.” All that did was piss Dean off. How she dared give
parenting advice after abandoning them both just made him mad again.
“You never came back though, did you?” Dean reached up and held onto his
alpha’s fingers where they were still resting over his shoulders. Mary looked
so sad, Castiel actually felt sorry for her.
“I missed you every day. All of you.” Mary glanced at John out the corner of
her eye but only Dean noticed. “The man I left with showed his true colours
soon enough. A controlling bully who would give alphas a bad name. He wouldn’t
let me go once he dug his claws in deep. He made my life miserable, Dean. It
didn’t take me long to realize he wasn’t half the man your father was.”
Everyone fell silent again. John was gripping his cup so tightly his fingers
were white. His dad was now the one who needed someone in his corner. Dean knew
John still loved her. He could see it carved into his face. “There’s nothing
more important than family.”
“I know that, Mom.” Dean replied in a whisper. “I changed my mind about giving
him up but I’m scared. I don’t know if I’ll ever be good enough for him.”
“Dean.” Castiel guessed Dean had only been thinking about what was best for the
baby but never realized he hated himself so much. He made the decision right
there to always let Dean know how special he was. “That’s not true.”
“Thanks, Cas but that’s just how I feel. How I’ve always felt.” Castiel’s hands
started shaking on Dean's skin when he caressed the back of his neck to calm
him, mistaking Dean’s admission for another change of heart. “But that doesn’t
mean I don’t wanna try.” Dean added quickly, tipping his head back so he could
show Castiel how much he meant it by the honesty in his eyes. They had been so
distracted by Mary, the day almost passed them by completely. Time was
something they just didn’t have and Dean swallowed down his fear when they left
John and Mary to talk about happier times. Mary promised she wasn’t going to
disappear on him again and hoped when they returned, her little grandson would
be nestled safely in Castiel's arms. Dean vowed in his heart to try and get the
baby back, but deep down he knew it would be too late. His own tragic
hesitation had likely cost them their son. Castiel sensed how much Dean needed
him and pulled him into a desperate cuddle while they set off up the street
with no idea what they might find when they got back to Bobby’s.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Weekend At Bobby's *****
70. Weekend At Bobby’s
It didn’t take the boys long to reach the edge of Bobby’s yard. Castiel seemed
fiercely keen to get back inside and relentlessly pulled Dean along by the hand
in his haste to find the baby. He felt a sudden jerk on his fingers when Dean
stopped in the middle of the path. Castiel could almost sense his hesitation
and turned to glance over one shoulder. Dean was locked to the spot and biting
hard into his bottom lip.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Castiel took a step back, reaching for Dean’s other hand and
holding them both out in front of him like he was trying to yank him up to the
door. “I know you’re scared but we have to know where he is, Dean. You want to
see him, don’t you?”
Dean swallowed hard and nodded gently in response, but he still didn’t move an
inch.
“Cas?” He said slowly. “Before we go in, I wanna say something to you.” Castiel
abandoned trying to drag Dean any further but he kept hold of his hands. He
knew Dean was stalling again. Castiel was frightened too but there was little
point in prolonging the agony.
“Okay.”
Dean made sure his mate was looking right into his eyes before he told him how
sorry he was. Seeing his mother after so many years without the comfort of her
guidance only made him want to hug his own baby and never let go. That fateful
decision only ever made to ensure the pup was taken somewhere safe. Brought up
to have a good life where he didn’t have to register or go through the same
shit his parents had. Dean never blamed Castiel for joining enforcement. There
was no one he would rather have by his side in that moment but he was still
drenched with guilt and Castiel really deserved a heartfelt apology.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“Dean.” Castiel sighed. He already knew how much Dean regretted giving the pup
away. He didn’t need to say it.
“No, Cas. Let me get this out… please.” Dean took a deep breath when Castiel
pressed up against him. “If he’s already gone, I can never make it up to you.
Never make any of it alright. I just wanted you to understand I thought I was
doing the right thing. I wasn't trying to take your son away. I know how
important he is to you.”
“Dean Winchester.” Castiel smiled, letting go of him just for a second so he
could reach up and stroke Dean’s cheek with the back of one hand. “I told you a
long time ago you got nothing to be sorry for, and I still mean it. Even if
Bobby kept his promise, do you honestly think I wouldn’t tear up every corner
of the world to get him back? That’s my baby. There isn’t a damn thing that’s
gonna stop me from getting him home to us.” Dean felt himself go weak inside
when he saw the dominant alpha shining through Castiel's eyes. He didn’t doubt
his determination for a single second.
“The pup’s so lucky to have a dad like you.” Dean blinked, dangerously close to
tears again. “I wish I could be strong like that. I just wanted someone better
than me to look after him.” Castiel looked even more unhappy than he did when
he thought about the pup being gone.
“Don’t say that.” He said seriously. “I can’t understand why you would ever
feel like that, when all I see is perfection.”
"Cas.” Dean suddenly looked adorably shy, his cheeks tinted with a rosy blush.
“I mean it. You don’t know how happy you make me, Dean. I’m going to claim you
soon, if you’ll let me.” Castiel was finding it harder to push out memories of
all the erotic dreams that tormented his sleep since tasting the first drops of
his omega’s sweet milk. “I don’t think I can wait much longer.”
Dean flushed even more, but all he could think about right then was finding his
son. He was shaking uncontrollably by the time they reached the top of the
steps. Castiel shouted up to an open window on the first floor a couple of
times, but there was no answer. The house was ominously quiet, and his heart
sank with disappointment. Dean closed his eyes and took in another fractured
gasp of air before easing Castiel forward with one elbow. The door slowly swung
open.
Bobby was nowhere to be seen as they searched the rooms. Castiel could feel a
fresh sting of bile rise up with every second of silence that passed with Dean
hanging off him until they got to the study. There was still baby stuff
littered over every surface, Bobby’s familiar whisky collection now replaced
with empty bottles of formula. Castiel was about to give up and resign himself
to a lifetime of heartache when he stopped dead. Bobby was fast asleep on the
couch with his cap pulled down over his face. He looked exhausted and
practically jumped out his skin when the sudden commotion shook him awake. His
face crinkled with surprise, round eyes staring up in shock. He scrambled to
his feet before Dean had chance to say a word.
“Boys? What the hell you doin’ back so soon?” His gaze kept darting between
them while he waited for some kind of explanation. He wasn’t even remotely
prepared for their return and seemed to be caught somewhere between panic and
guilt.
“I had to get back.” Dean answered sadly, knowing whatever was coming next
would shape a bright future or completely break his heart. He almost couldn’t
bring himself to ask. “I had to know if he was safe.”
“Dean.” Bobby was nervously wringing his hands together. “I know I swore up and
down to make sure he was tucked away somewhere but he kept looking up at me
with those big blue eyes and I just couldn’t do it.” A stunned silence
stretched out between them. “I’m so sorry, son.”
“You kept him?” Dean eventually gasped in awe, while the realization slowly
hit. He never dared to hope the pup was so close, and never more grateful Bobby
had welched on a promise.
“I did.” Bobby attempted a small smile of self-satisfaction, not sure at first
if that was what Dean wanted to hear but the tears of relief in those green
eyes said it all. “Couldn’t bring myself to part with him. Cute as a button and
spittin’ image of Cas when he was young. 'Sides, I knew when you two friggin’
idjits finally came to your senses you’d come lookin’.” Bobby sniffed and
pushed his cap back. Castiel had apparently lost the ability to speak. He was
grabbing for Dean’s hand again just to stop himself from falling over. “He’s
doin' alright. I think he kinda sensed you were gone, always looking round for
me. That’s why I called him Scout. Little bugger would be inta everythin’ if I
let him.”
“Scout.” Dean murmured, through a soppy grin. Bobby didn’t want either of them
to think he was being presumptuous and stumbled to apologize, but he didn't
need to bother.
“I had to call him somethin’. You can change it if ya want.” Dean didn’t want
to change it. Bobby deserved that much respect at least after all he had done
for them.
“I love it.” Dean smiled back at Bobby through happy tears. He knew Cas loved
it too when he squeezed his hand again. It was all so much to take in after
believing they might have lost him forever. “He’s really here?” Dean added at
last, like he had to say it out loud just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. His
lip was quivering so hard it was making his mouth twitch. Months of bottled-up
emotions leaking out now he could finally allow himself to love his little boy.
Everything he had suppressed for days came rushing back with so much force, he
had to steady himself against Castiel’s side. “Can I see him?”
“'Course you can.” Bobby replied, a sentimental look glazing over his eyes.
“He’s your son.” Dean didn’t want to waste any more time. He let his instincts
lead him and ran upstairs to find the baby, breaking down again when he spotted
a little pink bundle fast asleep on a pile of blankets at the end of Bobby’s
bed. Tell-tale signs of devotion making sure he was well looked after were
scattered around the room. Dean felt his heart surge with pride when he
realized the old man had been taking care of Scout like his own. Castiel rushed
up behind him and peered over Dean’s shoulder. He was standing still as stone
when his mate slipped both arms around his waist, eyes suddenly catching the
gentle movement of their tiny pup reaching out for someone to hold him.
“It’s alright, Dean. I’m right here… go on.” Castiel encouraged, sensing Dean
needed a last boost of inspiration to have enough balls to pick him up. His
hands were trembling when he lifted him off the bed and closed his eyes,
burying his wet face into Scout’s hair and breathing him in.
“I got you, baby.” Dean sighed against the silky head, knowing he would never
leave his son again. Castiel suddenly burst into tears and protectively wrapped
himself around his perfect family. They cuddled each other with the pup nestled
between them. “I’m so sorry.” Dean whispered. “Love you, little buddy.” Scout
started to whimper when he sensed Dean was so close.
“I think he’s hungry again.” Bobby said quietly. He had followed them up the
stairs to make sure the baby was okay. He couldn’t remember the last time he
slept for more than four hours straight. “I’ll get him a bottle.”
“We’ll be fine.” Castiel glanced over his shoulder. His vision was so blurry,
Bobby was just a damp splodge of colour. “We don’t need one. Do we,
sweetheart?” Dean knew exactly what Castiel meant when he looked up at him but
he wasn’t scared anymore, just desperate for more reassurance.
“I can try.”
Castiel wiped his eyes when Bobby muttered something to himself and quietly
closed the door behind him with a smile.
“Thought Dean was supposed to be the sensitive one.”
Dean was still holding Scout to his chest when he sat down on the edge of the
bed. The baby snuffling against him had stimulated a fresh burst of supper from
both sides. He looked terrified he was going to drop him or do something wrong,
but Castiel quickly knelt down between Dean’s thighs and cradled the back of
the baby’s head while he lifted up his shirt. He wanted Dean to feel safe while
he attempted that first feed, desperate to snuggle in as close as possible.
Castiel would have happily spent the rest of the day drawing in that scent,
trying to calm the heat in his blood at the memory of how good it tasted.
“Cas, I don’t know what to do.” Dean was faltering again, the desire to make up
for abandoning the pup in the first place making him doubt himself. “I just
want him to love me.”
Castiel’s mouth dipped down in sympathy.
“He already does.” Castiel stared up at his mate, pure happiness filtering
through a perfect smile that soon returned. “You don’t have to prove anything
to him, Dean. He knows who you are. But if you really don’t feel ready, it’s
okay. I can feed him.”
“No. I want to, Cas.” Dean replied softly. He still had the side of his shirt
hitched up to one shoulder. “I’m supposed to be able to look after him best I
can. It’s my job.”
Castiel had waited a long time to hear Dean accept how much the baby needed
him. It was like basking in little drops of sunshine that were slowly thawing
him from the inside out. He smelled delicious when Castiel gently helped to
guide one nipple between the baby’s lips and held Scout up against the warm
chest, his own mouth sliding open in amazement when the pup quickly latched on.
Dean made a little noise when the baby circled his teat and started to suck,
desperate to bond. Castiel felt bad for even thinking jealous thoughts. He
couldn’t wait to get his paws on Dean’s body again, but their son had to come
first from now on. Dean loved the feel of a tiny mouth pulling at him while
Castiel held the pup steady and stroked the inside of Dean’s thigh for comfort
to ease the little jolts of pain when the baby got a bit excited and sucked too
hard.
Scout soon fell back to sleep when his tummy was full to bursting with warm
milk. He settled in the small gap between them. Dean finally stopped running on
adrenaline and drifted off as well. When he stirred, the baby moved and Castiel
surrendered to every alpha instinct. He held his two boys in his arms and spent
most of the evening just staring at them, studying every soft line of their
beautiful faces while he offered a silent prayer of thanks and mused over just
how lucky they were to have someone like Bobby looking out for them. Castiel
would never be able to repay him. Tears of happiness dropped freely down both
cheeks when Scout snuffled against him and rubbed his soft cheek against
Castiel’s chest. His blue eyes slowly blinked open when he smelled the scent of
his daddy and buried into his side before he was out like a light again.
Castiel could have sworn he saw his mouth open up into a little smile.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean came down to breakfast next morning with an almost ethereal glow about him
that made Castiel happier than he could ever remember. He was resting Scout in
one arm. Castiel laughed quietly while he watched him try to grab at Dean’s
shirt to pull himself up and get a better look at a world that had suddenly
changed for the better.
“Bobby certainly picked right.” Seeing Dean so content was worth every lonely
second of twenty-four long years of waiting. Thinking about how much they
endured to be together brought back all the fears about an uncertain future. No
one wanted to hear it, but it had to be said. “Dean, I think we should call Sam
and find out what happened after we made a break for it.”
“Sam? Why?” Dean replied absently, most of his attention still completely
focused on his son. “I thought everything was gonna be okay now.” He
subconsciously tightened his hold on the baby. They had both been so distracted
by getting the pup back, the rest of the world just faded away. Even if only
for a little while.
“I hope so, Dean. I really do, but we still don’t know which way it could go.
Sam made a difference, sure - but not everyone will be quite so easy to win
over. He needs more time.”
“I suppose, but we gotta think about Scout first. He’s our priority now, Cas.”
Bobby looked up from his cereal and shook his head. That sounded so weird
coming out of Dean’s mouth after months of denial. He smiled to himself and let
them get on with it. They may as well be married already. Dean spent most of
the weekend floating around on a cloud of happiness with a stupid smile
stretching all the way across his face, and Castiel felt like he could resume
his alpha role for the first time since they were boys. Lovingly protecting
Dean and Scout, making sure they would always be treated with as much value as
they deserved. Priceless.
Dean still seemed unable to put the baby down and soon managed to adapt to life
with one hand.
“Here, let me hold him for a bit.” Castiel smiled, reaching out his arms so
Dean could have five minutes peace.
“He’s settled though, Cas. I don’t wanna disturb him.” Castiel just nodded and
let Dean have the moment. A week ago he would have willingly chopped off a limb
or two to see Dean so maternal. “I wanna go for a walk after breakfast,
anyways. We can drop in at my dad’s, maybe.”
Castiel knew there was more to that unexpected announcement than wanting to
take Scout for a stroll in the Kansas sunshine. Mary’s presence only a couple
of blocks away was still hanging over them, and Castiel could only hope she
wouldn’t let her son down again. It would have spoiled an otherwise perfectly
wonderful weekend. Dean had been promised so many things over the years, and so
many of those had been broken. He was itching to see if Mary decided whether
the vow she gave him the day before was the one she intended to keep.
“You want to see if she’s still there.” Castiel said slowly, careful not to
sound too pessimistic.
“Yeah, but not just 'cause of that. I wanted to take Scout to see my mom
anyway, Cas. Show her how fucking gorgeous he is.” Castiel gave his mate a
stern glare for cursing in front of him, but Dean was miles away again. He
kissed the baby’s cheek and gently rubbed the ends of their noses together when
the pup reached up and pressed his tiny fingers against Dean’s mouth like he
wanted to hold that kiss in his hand and save it for later. Dean had been
keeping in so much love for their baby out of self-preservation, but now he
couldn’t do enough for him and pampered Scout shamelessly. Dean had been
through too much crap already to hang on to painful shadows of a past that no
longer mattered. Mary needed a second chance to help another little boy grow
up. This time always knowing just how much he was loved and wanted.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Redemption *****
71. Redemption
Castiel left Dean nursing Scout while he went outside to phone Sam. Dean didn’t
seem to have the same sense of urgency in knowing how much mess they might have
left behind. Castiel didn’t mind. Dean was totally oblivious to almost
everything but the pup, and he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Watching
Dean fall in love with Scout over the last couple of days was a dream he never
thought would come true. It was wonderful. Bobby was pulling stupid faces at
the baby while they finished breakfast and kept poking him with a spoon to get
his attention. It didn’t work.
Castiel wasn’t really sure what he was going to say when Sam picked up. He
still wanted to help in any way he could but his true place was by Dean’s side.
The vow he made to never leave him again was etched deep into his heart like a
promise he could never break. Sam sounded terrible when he finally answered,
his voice full of concern.
“Is everything okay? What happened?” Castiel asked quickly, his mouth dropping
open in alarm while Sam explained. He had apparently been detained by
enforcement after they left, the safety of a senior officer’s protection
suddenly lost to the wind.
“They had to let me go for now but I don’t doubt they would pounce on any
excuse to get me back in custody.” Sam sighed. Castiel sensed a hesitant pause
before he continued. “I have an idea about some changes to the patrols but I
need your help again. I gotta sneaking suspicion I’m playing with borrowed
time, Cas. Is there anything you can do to hold them off?”
“Sam.” Castiel tried to let him down easy. He loved that man dearly but he had
to make him understand how much he wanted to stay in Haven with Dean and the
baby. Sam instinctively knew what he was thinking and interrupted him before
his friend could get another word out.
“Cas, I’m not asking you to come back to Washington. You should stay with Dean
'til you find out what happened to the pup, but you got contacts. I need a
favour, is all.” Sam already decided he was going to set up a new division for
omega reintegration after his unexpected success in the elections. There were
still a few die-hard alphas with egos bigger than their balls who were
determined to try and take him down, but the whole system was slowly being torn
apart. Omegas were finally standing up for themselves and Sam saw a golden
opportunity shine out. He wanted to employ redeemed enforcement officers for
the new CORP, with Castiel to head up the Kansas office so he could stay close
to Dean and rake in enough money to set them up for life. Be able to look after
Dean like he was supposed to. Sam guessed a possessive alpha like Cas would
want his mate to stay at home with the pup if they ever found him.
“Actually, we called him Scout.” Castiel smiled softly. “We got the baby back,
Sam. Bobby kept him safe for us until we got home.” He heard a huge breath of
relief vibrate down the line.
“That’s wonderful, Cas.” Sam grinned into his cell, even though he knew no one
could see it. “I swear Bobby deserves a medal of honour for everything he’s
done to help us all. I’m so happy for you.” Sam kept his intentions to himself
for now. Cas had more than earned a few days peace to spend every second doting
over his new family without even thinking about setting a damaged world to
rights.
“Thanks. He’s so cute, Sam.” Castiel added, with a surge of macho pride. “I
guess I’m a little biased seeing as he looks just like me. Dean’s so good with
him. I don’t think I could ever be happier.” He added, suddenly stopping short.
“Apart from the only thing left I need to make it perfect. Something I’ve
waited all my life for.” Sam already knew what that one thing was. Castiel
didn’t have to fill in the blanks. “I want to claim Dean, make him mine.”
“Does he want that, too?” Sam asked slowly, his own crisis forgotten for a
minute when he realized he was going to get to hold his tiny nephew after all.
“I think. I tried dropping a couple of hints just to test the waters but he
didn’t bite.” Castiel was surprised at how natural it felt talking to Sam about
being desperate to knot his brother again. He felt a little pulse of excitement
when he imagined finally sinking his teeth into all that beautiful pure
unbroken skin. “I want him to tell me he’s ready, Sam. I’ve been trying to hold
back until I hear him say it.”
“He will, Cas. Just give him a bit more time.”
Castiel said goodbye to Sam with the promise he would be in touch when he
figured out what they could do to keep the last few wolves at bay. He crept
back inside in case the pup had fallen asleep again. Scout seemed to do that a
lot when he was snuggled up against a full chest that smelled like heaven. Dean
jumped up as soon as Castiel came through to the kitchen. He realized his alpha
might have felt a little neglected since they got home, deprived of the
physical affection he always lapped up so eagerly. He must have settled Scout
upstairs for a nap. Dean went straight over to him and draped both arms around
his neck.
“I missed you.”
Castiel wasn’t sure how seeing as he was only outside for ten minutes, but he
was more than happy to have so much omega attention.
“You did, huh?” Castiel stared into Dean’s eyes with adoration when he reached
down behind him and slipped both hands down the back of his jeans. The
conversation with Sam only made him want to work overtime on trying to seduce
Dean again so he could bite him and seal their childhood bond forever. Dean
just nodded while he let Castiel caress his butt. “I talked to Sam. I guess
next time we see him might be when I get to put another ring on your finger.
Castiel reluctantly pulled one arm away and lifted Dean’s hand so he could kiss
the promise band he gave him down by the pond.
“So you really were serious about getting married.” Dean said quietly. He
thought maybe Cas just got caught up in the moment.
“Damn straight, I was. I’ve never been more serious.” Castiel’s expression
suddenly changed when a hint of fear made his breath catch in his throat. “The
answer’s still yes, isn’t it?”
“Fuck, yes.” Dean kissed Castiel hard on the mouth when he leaned in, just to
make sure he understood how much he meant it. “I didn’t want you to feel like
you had to ask out of duty or whatever. You don’t owe me anything, Cas.”
Castiel had a sudden desire to do something reckless to prove his loyalty.
Something that made his stomach give a nervous flutter at the thought.
“Yes I do, Dean… and I asked because I’ve been hopelessly and completely in
love with you since I was thirteen. I’ve made too many mistakes already. If
we’re going to do this, then we’re going to do it right. Hurry up and get your
shit together. There’s something I need to ask your father.”
The boys set off on the way over to Eighth Street with Scout proudly strapped
to Castiel’s chest in a baby carrier. He had to practically wrestle the poor
little thing from Dean's arms. He was trying so hard to make up for denying
Scout those first few days of bonding, determined to spend a lifetime making it
up to him. Castiel had to blackmail Dean into handing him over with the promise
he could have him back as soon as they got to John’s. Dean’s fears were soon
washed away when Mary opened the door to let them in. She gazed at Dean when he
passed her in the hallway, still managing to make him feel like a little boy
desperate for his mother’s affection. He never realized just how much he'd
missed her until she smiled at him like that. Mary squealed with delight when
she saw the pup splayed across Castiel’s chest. She petted him for a while and
stroked his cheek. Dean was pretty sure the cooing noises she was making were a
covert attempt to wake him up so she could have a cuddle. He didn’t mind.
“You looked surprised to see me.” Mary said after a few minutes, successfully
disturbing Scout enough to encourage Castiel to pluck him out and pass him
over. She rubbed her mouth against the baby’s hair like she could eat him up.
Dean couldn’t lie to her.
“I know, sorry. I didn't wanna say it, Mom but I thought you might have left
again.”
“Dean.” That soft voice still sounded like the gentle splash of fresh water
trickling over his heart. “I’m not going anywhere yet. I might even stay for a
while. Me and your dad got a lot of catching up to do. I want you to come visit
though - all the time.” She screwed up her nose at Scout when he finally opened
his eyes and blinked at her. Dean wasn’t sure what his parents talked about the
night before, but things had definitely changed. John heard them come in and
almost fell over himself to get a look at his first grandbaby.
Dean glanced around his modest childhood home while they fussed over the baby
together. Mary’s presence there apparently had some sort of supernatural power
to cleanse every beer bottle from sight. His dad had always seemed so worn and
tired, most of his conscience stuffed to the corners with alcohol and regrets.
The guilt of fucking up his relationship with both children had plagued him
since the day he moved back to Haven. John always hoped Dean would return there
one day. The danger hadn't really passed when the boys left Lawrence, but he
knew their midnight flight across the state years before was the real reason
Dean hadn’t spoken to him for years. Always making him feel unworthy somehow
and blaming his dad for being ripped away from Castiel. John never really hid
the fact he thought Sam was the one who did something good with his life. Dean
was so pleased to see his eyes full of hope again. John even smiled every once
in a while when he thought about how proud he was of Dean now. Standing up for
what he believed in, and that pup really was gorgeous.
Castiel couldn’t put it off any longer. He was shaking when he eased John to
one side. Dean might have already accepted his proposal, but Castiel wanted to
do it properly.
“Mr. Winchester?” He attempted slowly. His heart was pounding, suddenly
remembering how terrified he was when he was standing in front of Dean’s father
all those years ago, begging for a chance to let them stay together. What he
was going to ask him now edged it up to a whole new level of scared shitless.
“John.”
“John, then.” Castiel corrected, shuffling from one foot to the other. “I would
very much like to ask permission to marry your son, sir.” He blurted out,
cheeks glowing with the burning desire to have every sexual fantasy fulfilled
once he heard that one simple word of confirmation.
“That right?” John said blankly, trying hard not to smile when Castiel’s mouth
started to jerk up at one side. It would be much kinder to just put him out of
his misery. “I always kinda liked you, kid.” He suddenly laughed and shook
Castiel’s hand. “It would be my honour.” John turned to his son with genuine
love in his eyes. “But only if that’s what Dean really wants.” Dean was too
blown away to say anything at all when Castiel took control like that. He felt
the pulse beat hard in his neck and lifted up one hand to mindlessly run his
fingers over damp skin, imagining what it would feel like to be pierced by the
sting of alpha canines while he rode out Castiel’s knot.
“Yes, sir.” He managed, after a few seconds of stunned silence. “Yeah, Dad. I
want that more than anything.” Dean reached for Castiel’s hand and squeezed it
behind his back just like he had before when they were both desperate for his
father’s approval. “That’s all we ever wanted… to be together.” A dark shadow
of regret and shame danced across John’s face.
“Dean.” He looked so sincere when he stumbled to apologize, Dean could feel
himself filling up. All those fading pregnancy hormones must have turned him
soft.
“Dad… don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re together now. That’s more
important than holding on to the past. I know now you only did it to try and
protect me.” John’s lip trembled. His eyes were shining.
“Thank you, son.”
Scout started yapping for his daddy again. Castiel happily took him from Mary
and buried his nose in the dip of the pup’s neck. He always smelled so good.
Dean couldn’t take any more and turned his face away with tears brimming in his
eyes. He rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder and just let them come. Scout
reached up a tiny hand and smeared his little fingers into the wetness on
Dean’s cheek like he wanted to know why he was crying.
“It’s okay. I’m happy, baby. I’m just really happy.”
Castiel hushed him, holding Dean tight while he kissed his tears away.
“Fancy that, Mary.” John leaned in and tried a playful nudge against her
shoulder. “Looks like we’re gonna have a special officer in the family.” He
gave Dean a warm smile. Something that hadn’t graced his features for many
years. “Always knew you’d be a sucker for a man in uniform.”
“Dad.” Dean squirmed. He was scarlet.
“I’m glad you got a strong alpha to take care of you when you move on again.
Wherever you go now, I got a feeling it’s gonna be a better world for you.”
“Actually.” Dean said slowly. “I think I want to stay here. Settle in Haven.”
Dean never admitted that to anyone before, but Castiel always sensed that’s
where his heart was. Dean wanted to be close to dragonfly pond so they would
never forget how much they had gone through to be together. How long he waited
to see the light behind those blue eyes again. It had always been their special
place and no amount of time or heartache had ever let them forget it.
“Think that house on the corner is still empty.” John carefully studied Dean’s
face for a reaction. Castiel glanced up hopefully. Holding on to the salary he
commanded in enforcement without ever having anything or anyone to spend it on
had finally paid off.
“What do you think? I mean it, Dean. I’ll buy it for you. I would give you
anything you want to make you happy. Just say the word, sweetheart - it’s
yours.” Dean didn’t quite know how to respond when Castiel gently pulled him to
one side. “It’s a real nice area to set up a little fishing spot for Scout.”
Castiel added quietly. The thought they might be able to raise their son in the
place they first fell in love was a beautiful temptation. Castiel dragged him
even closer so he could whisper something in his ear. “Free babysitting for
date night.” Dean stifled a laugh. Thinking about getting some alone time with
a sex-mad mate in front of his parents made him feel like a teenager again.
“Yes, Cas. Yes please.” Dean murmured, too overcome with emotion to find his
voice. They hugged each other with Scout squashed between them. John laughed
when the baby smacked Castiel on the cheek to get his attention.
“What about your dad, Cas?” John turned to look at him, suspecting he wasn’t
the only one who stood between the boys and their happiness when they were
children. “You inviting him to the wedding?”
“I doubt it.” Castiel replied, his face completely devoid of expression. “He
did a very bad thing. I’m not sure I can ever forgive him for hurting Dean like
that.” John wanted to tear Novak a new one for messing with Dean’s head and
costing him a happy childhood, but that chance had been lost a long time ago.
“Alex ruined my life, but I don’t know.” Castiel added thoughtfully. Dean
didn’t miss the fact he used his first name. “Maybe I wouldn’t have appreciated
how lucky I am to have what I have now.”
“We’ll never really know, will we?” John dropped his head, finally
understanding how much that one decision had shaped Dean into the man he had
become and risked a lifetime of unhappiness.
“Don’t punish yourself, John.” Mary said kindly. She made a point of touching
his arm. “You were only doing what you thought was best for the boys. I’m proud
of you for looking after them. You never gave up, even when you really wanted
to. I can’t say as much.” John nodded at her in gratitude before being drawn
back to bonding over the baby. Dean and Castiel took the chance to dart outside
and savour a few precious minutes of being alone. They were soon wrapped around
each other.
“That was pretty brave, Cas.”
“What, that?” Castiel laughed. “Nah, that was nothing. Not when I want you so
bad. You’ve always been my heart, Dean.” Castiel stole a quick grope and a
furtive kiss under the eaves of the back porch like he used to when they were
young. Dean willingly slid back into cute submission and Castiel couldn’t get
enough of that beautiful scent or the touch of flawless omega skin beneath his
fingertips. He knew right then he wouldn’t have long to wait before Dean let
his alpha claim him once and for all.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Memories *****
72. Memories
Castiel was suddenly pulling hard at Dean’s hips in a desperate bid to yank him
closer while they had a moment to lose themselves in each other’s eyes. Dean
was just about to lean in for another kiss when he heard Scout crying and
demanding some attention. Mary was calling for the boys, her own experience
with wriggling babies just a distant memory. Castiel hated it when Scout got
upset and he was definitely clingy since they returned to Haven. He put it down
to a subconscious need to be sure they were both still there. Dean reluctantly
pulled away from Castiel’s mouth so he could help his mom pacify the pup. He
felt a jerk on the back of his pants when he turned to go inside.
“Don’t think I’m anywhere near finished with you yet.” Castiel promised. Once
he suspected Dean was receptive to being dominated again, the need to claim him
was all he could think about. His body soon responded with arousal. Dean just
gave him a shy smile and nodded south, leaving Cas to wait outside on the step
for a bit until his budding desire went down. Mary practically thrust Scout
into Dean’s arms with relief when she saw him. The baby stopped crying as soon
as Dean held him close. It all seemed to come so naturally now when he quickly
settled him with a few minutes of gentle rocking. Dean hadn’t even realized he
was humming a little lullaby until the pup fell quiet again, his adorable face
squished up against Dean’s body while he breathed in the comforting omega scent
in his sleep.
“So what happened?” Mary asked, after Dean finally settled Scout in his lap.
There was so much to catch up on, she hardly knew where to start. “With the
baby, I mean. You told me you didn’t know where he was.”
“I didn’t.” Dean leaned back so Scout could stretch out across his chest. “It’s
a long story, Mom and it doesn’t really matter anymore. I was just scared for
him, but everything turned out okay. I can’t imagine my life without him now.”
Dean added, almost like he was talking to himself. “Cas was desperate to get
him back. We thought Bobby was gonna take him somewhere safe but he knew we
would come for him. He always understood me, even as a boy.” Dean’s lips curved
into a fond smile before he kissed the top of Scout’s head, struggling to
understand why he would ever make such a heartbreaking decision after the way
he felt when his own mother deserted him. He hoped one day all the guilt he
still had inside would fade away to nothing. “I know how it feels to be
abandoned.” Dean cringed inside when that kinda slipped out before he managed
to shut his mouth. He hadn’t said it to deliberately hurt her, but Mary was
staring at the floor in shame. It was painfully clear how much damage her
absence had done. John saw the sadness in her face. He wanted to hold her.
“You sure made the right decision, Dean. I can’t think of a better reason for
you and Cas to stay here, set up a little home for Scout. Maybe after lunch we
could go have a look at the old place?” John tried, making a point of steering
the conversation away from all the mistakes Mary had made.
“Yeah, Dad. I’d like that.” Dean suddenly smiled, looking up from his daydream.
“You know, it’s weird how we always seem to get pulled back here. Bobby used to
bang on about true mates being linked somehow and now we have the pup I think
he must have been right. I never really got what he meant 'til I saw Cas again.
I thought about him every day.” Dean whispered. “I never got over being taken
away from him.”
John shook his head when he remembered all the times Bobby warned him how much
it would hurt if they ever got torn apart. It didn’t take a great leap of
imagination to understand why Dean got so involved in omega rights. Just a way
of redirecting all that pain. John wasn’t sure how he could have missed the
connection when they were boys. It all seemed so obvious now he looked back. He
was about to apologize a second time when Castiel eventually came back in. His
face was flushed, focus completely targeted on Dean while he found his way to a
seat with faltering steps. He made absolutely no attempt to hide the lustful
intent in his eyes. He may as well just drool on him.
“True mates.” John murmured thoughtfully. “Yeah, I remember that. So, you were
always meant to end up together?” He asked, still watching the exchange from
the relative safety of a dark corner. He already felt like crap when he
realized how much their separation had scarred them. So many years wasted
knowing nothing would have kept them apart forever. Dean was too distracted by
Castiel’s wandering hands to reply. He jabbed an elbow into his side to remind
Cas both parents were still in the room. “Bobby always used to say you would
find each other one day.” John added, when a fading memory surfaced. A teenage
alpha desperate to date his son. The way Castiel was looking at Dean now took
John back two decades, when Cas first scent-marked his boy all those years
before. Dean secretly longed for that alpha protection he missed out on most of
his life. Castiel didn’t have to hold back anymore. They finally found their
way through the dark and Dean would never lose him again. John nodded for Mary
to help him in the kitchen. Dean could hear them sharing old memories, their
laughter drifting down the hallway. Castiel could almost feel the happiness
radiating from every omega pore. It gave him a feeling of peace he never
thought he would have. The warmth in his heart reflected by the glorious
sunshine streaming in through the window.
“Cas.” Dean said suddenly, spinning round to stare into keen eyes that hadn’t
left his face since Castiel came back in. “I want you to invite your family.”
Dean reached for Castiel’s hand when he saw his mouth drop into a tight line.
“I know what you said, but I can’t think of a better way to make your dad
understand why we needed to be together so bad.”
“But he hurt you… and he lied.” Castiel said flatly. He wasn’t sure he was
ready for that reunion himself. “I don’t want him to ruin such a special day.”
“Nothing could spoil that for me. He can’t hurt us anymore, Cas. Anyway, if
we’re gonna live in your old house it seems like the right thing to do.”
“Since when did your moral compass start spinning?” Castiel laughed, seizing
the opportunity of being so close to slide one hand up the inside of Dean’s
thigh. He could feel a pulse throbbing under the tips of his fingers. All his
instincts now desperate to get that boy naked again. Dean’s body was so
sexually responsive, Castiel could smell him.
“I just wanna teach Scout how to be a good person, Cas. We’ve been through too
much to hold on to all the meaningless shit.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Most of the morning somehow slipped away by the time they were ready to take a
trip to the end of the road. Sentimental childhood memories came flooding back
when Dean really looked at that house on the corner. How many times he ran over
there to call for Cas. Heart skipping, stomach fluttering whenever those blue
eyes appeared, and his friend gazed down with that soppy grin on his face from
the little attic window. Dean looked a million miles away when he stared at the
space where he used to toss up a handful of pebbles.
“You alright?” Castiel wanted to make sure most of those memories were happy
ones.
“Yeah.” Dean sighed. “Yeah, Cas. I’m okay. You know, I used to dream about you.
Even after so many years. I don’t know if Sam ever knew, but your eyes were
always the last thing I saw every night before I fell asleep.”
“Dean.” Castiel drew in a hushed breath. “I never stopped thinking about you,
either. You filled me with hope for everything I ever wanted.” Castiel took
Dean’s hand and led him down the path so he could peer inside the windows. It
looked like the house had been empty for some time.
“I never really had somewhere to call my own, Cas. Not like this. Thank you.”
Dean looked so happy with the sun shining behind him, their beautiful son
nestled in his arms. Castiel thought his heart might actually burst open right
there on the driveway of a place he once called home.
“I’ll call the realtor tomorrow.” Castiel lovingly rubbed Scout’s rosy cheek
with the back of one finger. “So you best start planning where you want to put
the nursery.” Castiel pulled Dean as close as he could without completely
flattening the baby. “Scout can’t stay in our room forever when I'm gonna want
to make love to you every night.” Dean shivered when Castiel dropped one hand
to caress the curve of his ass, and it wasn’t from the breeze that caught his
hair when they reached the corner. Dean could feel the heat slowly creeping up
his neck at the thought of being able to spend their days cuddled up to each
other. He dared a discreet glance over one shoulder just to make sure his mom
and dad hadn’t heard. They were walking close together a few yards away. John
was leaning into Mary. Dean couldn’t ever remember seeing his dad so content.
He nudged Castiel and jerked his head back to point out the obvious, but Cas
was still too busy watching the man he adored take in familiar sights of their
old haunts. Golden sunshine bathed his freckled cheeks when he tilted up his
face to admire the blue sky. Castiel turned for a second to watch John and Mary
strolling up behind them. He thought for a minute they were holding hands but
the sun was in his eyes so he put it down to a trick of the light. Castiel was
about to take Dean to check out the back yard when he felt something vibrate in
his pocket.
“It’s a message from Sam.” Castiel said in surprise, fishing out his cell. He
didn’t want anything to spoil Dean’s perfect weekend, but knew he would need a
few minutes to make sure Sam was okay. The last conversation they had only left
him with a sense of unease he managed to hide. Castiel slid his arm around
Dean’s waist and kissed one cheek. “Just give me a minute, sweetheart. Duty
calls.”
Sam really wanted to leave them to enjoy a few days of freedom but he had to
give Castiel a heads-up on the recent changes to enforcement now there was an
important job waiting for him. Sam hoped Cas would kick some of the officers
into touch with the new system, but it felt like he was running out of time.
Things had gotten pretty desperate. Omegas had put their tags on the line
because they wanted change and if Sam didn’t strike soon it might put a dent in
his credibility. The message said some officers already handed in their stars,
replacing them with something new for everyone who signed up to man the
reintegration program. Sam gave them plenty of incentive. A new hope for the
future, much better pay and the promise of immunity from prosecution if he ever
managed to bring in some of the senior officers to answer for crimes against
civil rights. Now it really was a brave new world. The text had an attachment
with a picture of the new design. Alpha and omega symbols seamlessly wound
together, entwined over a silver background. Castiel smiled. He would be more
than happy to wear that badge with pride but he was going to hold on to his
star. There was something he wanted to do with it, and enforcement had once
been such a huge part of his life. Castiel stared at the image on the tiny
screen before texting back how beautiful it was. The symbolism certainly wasn’t
lost on him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean only just managed to squeeze in time for a sandwich and a pee before he
collapsed into bed. Scout was yelping for him again the second he felt his eyes
slide closed, so exhausted he had to consciously force himself awake. Castiel
mumbled something and got up with a yawn so Dean could stay there. He gently
picked the pup out of the crib and handed him over for one last feed before
they all crashed for the night. Babies were exhausting but Castiel still had a
permanent smile on his face. When he slipped Scout between their warm bodies,
he noticed a familiar scent start to stroke his senses. Dean smelled just like
he had before, the heat from his body snaking over Castiel’s skin and making
him throb with desire.
Scout didn’t actually seem all that hungry once he got what he wanted, and
spread out between them. Castiel was all over Dean like an octopus - smoothing
both hands down his body and grabbing at every bit of skin he could reach. He
never noticed how much his hips filled out since he hit puberty. Soft curves
now fully developed after having the pup, ready to bear his alpha more babies.
They were the perfect shape for Castiel to fit between when he slid over the
top of Scout and pressed down hard into the warmth of Dean’s thigh. They spent
a few passionate minutes making out under the covers. Dean didn’t think it was
fair to get him excited when they couldn’t really do anything more. He
eventually pulled away in favour of running comforting fingers through dark
hair where Castiel's head was resting on his stomach.
“Cas.” Dean whispered through the darkness. “I want to. I really do.”
Castiel sensed a but in capital letters coming on. He sighed and dropped on to
his back in disappointment.
“I've waited so long, Dean. My knot’s really starting to hurt.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Cas. Just a little while longer, okay?” Dean bit down hard
into his lip when Castiel groaned with frustration and turned over onto his
stomach to bury his mouth in the pillow so he wasn’t tempted to use his teeth.
Dean snuggled up to him and slid one arm across his back. He couldn’t even
pretend to understand what it was like to be so desperate to claim a mate, but
he knew Cas was fighting every second to suppress his instincts. Dean felt so
bad for holding back. It just didn’t seem right rubbing up against each other
while Scout was there. Dean knew he was stirring awake again. He had to feed
him if they had any chance of getting some sleep. The little pup blindly
followed the scent and snuffled to find his supper in the dark. Castiel feared
he might lose control when Dean deliberately pushed the sheet down, the potent
draw of fresh omega hormones leaking from his chest. At least that was
something Dean could give Castiel before he claimed him for good.
“Here, come this side. I know you like it.”
“Dean.” Castiel forced out his name through dry lips, pressing them firmly
together to try and cool the blood rushing down his body. “That stuff drives me
crazy. It’s only gonna make me ache worse. You don’t know how hard it is to
stop myself from touching you.”
“You can touch me, Cas.”
“You know what I mean, don’t tease.”
“I wasn’t.” Dean tapped Castiel’s butt with the back of his hand. “Cas,
c’mere.” Castiel could feel shallow breaths warm the skin of his neck. Even
though he knew it would only make him want to flip Dean over and give him a
ball load of alpha sperm, the temptation to feel sweetness trickle over his
tongue again was too much. He gave in to the want and turned over, wrapping one
leg across Dean’s thighs to hold him still while he lunged forward, his mouth
soon attached to Dean’s nipple with a moan of pleasure. He licked and sucked at
one side to stop it dripping while Scout tugged on the other with a hungry
little mouth. Dean lost himself in the pornographic noises Castiel was making,
resting on his back and letting the inexplicable feeling drench him in bliss.
He almost caved until he heard Bobby banging about downstairs while he went
through the house and settled down for the night. Dean didn’t want to disturb
the baby, and he would never be able to look Bobby in the eye again if he'd
heard them screwing.
Dean knew the pup was finished when his tiny pink mouth dropped open, head
tipped back in peaceful dreams. Dean kissed Scout and carefully put him back in
the cot before curling up next to Castiel. He seemed to be satisfied enough to
have drifted off with trails of spilled omega milk still drying on his skin.
The last thing he remembered before he fell asleep was how close Dean was to
letting his alpha get within biting distance. Castiel happily let the darkness
take him, knowing he would soon have everything he ever wanted.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Seduction *****
73. Seduction
Castiel woke up with raging thirst and an unbearable ache between his legs. His
longing only seemed to have got worse during the night while the comfort of
Dean’s warm body was pressed up against him. He tried to focus on something
else and made a useless attempt to ignore the intoxicating scent of ripe omega
drifting up from between the sheets. Dean was still fast asleep. Castiel
couldn’t help but stare at his mate, just as beautiful as he ever was. Maybe a
few more lines around his mouth where it had fallen open in his sleep, long
eyelashes flickering with whatever dreams carried him through the darkness. He
loved Dean more with every day that passed and smiled softly when he pushed the
hair back from his face with quiet devotion.
Castiel reached for his pants where they were hanging over the back of a chair
and felt for his phone to see if Sam had replied, grateful of the distraction.
Anything to draw his attention away from the instinctive need to claim Dean now
he smelled like he was coming into heat again. Those had been so rare over the
years without the seduction of his true mate to hold at night, but spending so
much time together lately had violently kick-started nature back into a regular
cycle. The only thing missing to finally complete their physical bond were
those two little scars on Dean’s neck. Castiel was determined to make good on a
vow he once made. He might have sealed their friendship with the silver
dragonfly when they were just little boys in love, but it was still wrapped
proudly around Dean’s wrist like an unspoken promise. Castiel hadn’t said a
word to anyone, but he intended to ask Sam to be his best man. He soon found
himself wondering aimlessly what he was up to, suddenly realizing his friend
still didn’t know about Mary coming home. Castiel knew Sam was insanely busy
with the reintegration program, and it wasn’t his place to say anything. Dean
was the one who should drop that on him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Jess stayed on after the address, helping out in the office and making sure Sam
ate properly. She seemed faithfully dedicated to the cause and Sam often tried
to figure out why she wanted to be there so badly. It sure as hell wasn’t for
the pay. Sam was desperately under-staffed, but could only afford to offer her
some temp work with a filing system that had begun to haunt his nightmares. She
sorted out the mess inside two days and Sam was impressed. He imagined that
level of dedication had a history, a sad story behind so much commitment. He
didn’t ask. Jess caught him staring at her for the millionth time that day. He
looked away when his cheeks started burning but she didn’t seem to mind and
gave him a shy wave, tossing her hair back over one shoulder like she knew
exactly what she was doing.
Sam pretended to be fascinated by the stack of untouched paperwork in front of
him. He already started to file a bid to lobby the Senate in an optimistic
attempt to get public disclosure for all the active databases listing omegas
who were lost in the system. The government facilities were still standing, a
painful reminder of how much work Sam had ahead of him. He knew what Dean would
say. Always keep fighting. Sam was ever one to aim high and knew he would never
stop trying to change things for the better. He owed it to Dean and Cas to do
everything he could to make sure they would never have to live in fear again.
Sam felt like he was missing out somehow. All he really wanted to do right now
was spend some time in Haven with Dean and the baby. He hung his head in his
hands, exhausted.
“Why don’t you take a break?” Jess suggested. Sam froze when he felt a gentle
touch on his shoulder. He was so distracted by thoughts of home and family, he
hadn’t heard her come over and blinked up from underneath a shaggy fringe. “I
daren’t even hazard a guess at the last time you slept.” She added, pushing the
pile of papers to one side so she could rest her butt on the edge of his desk.
Sam knew he was staring at her mouth again when she leaned towards him.
Something stirred inside his heart, never imagining he would find someone who
cared for him so much. Look at him the way Cas looked at Dean.
“I’m okay.” Sam lied, forcing himself to move away. “There’s too much to do
here.”
“Sam.” Jess sighed. “It’s still going to be here in the morning. You can’t help
anyone like this. Come on, I’m buying you dinner.” Sam knew she was right. He
was so tired, he could hardly focus and now his stomach was growling. He
sneaked another secret glance at those perfect lips. Jess was still smiling at
him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was watching his parents with a mushy look on his face he didn’t even
attempt to hide. They hadn’t been up and about long before his mom called Bobby
and insisted they visit again as soon as the baby was awake. Scout seemed to
have brought out a sensitive side in his father he never really believed was
there. Mary and John both doted on him, their love for that tiny pup bringing
them together through some kind of protective instinct. John once tried to keep
his own boys safe, but all he actually did was catapult Dean into a life of
dangerous activism. There was a sweet awkwardness to the way his dad held Scout
like he was scared he might break. Mary took Dean to one side while John was
otherwise occupied.
“Dean, can we talk for a minute?” She asked slowly. Maybe the invitation wasn't
strictly to see the baby after all.
“Sure, Mom.” Dean replied, leaning up against Cas with his arms folded across
his chest. Castiel could feel him tense, nervous to hear what she had to say
that was apparently so important it couldn’t wait any longer. Mary gave Castiel
a pleading look, hinting she wanted to speak with her son alone. He suddenly
panicked it might be something bad like she was moving on again, but her eyes
kept darting over to John. Castiel knew by the way she smiled to herself every
time she looked at him, he didn’t have to worry.
“I’ll wait for you by the pond.” Castiel whispered, close to Dean’s ear so no
one else could hear. “There’s something I need to ask you, and I don’t suppose
your mom will mind watching the baby for a few minutes. She seems quite taken
with him.” Dean nodded, before he saw Castiel disappear over his shoulder. He
knew he was the only one who could give her the forgiveness she longed for.
Dean was trying real hard to let go of the past, wanting Scout to grow up
knowing how important that was when you really loved someone.
“Okay.” Dean started. He wasn’t sure what was coming. Mary actually blushed
when her gaze dropped to the ground.
“It’s about your dad.” She dared a little peek at his face to see if she needed
to spell it out. Dean was never particularly dumb as a kid, but sometimes he
was a bit clueless. “We’ve been talking… you know, about us.” She stressed that
last word like it really meant something. “How sorry I am I left like that, for
hurting you boys the way I did. I hope one day you can forgive me.” Dean was
gaping at her. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. “Honestly, your baby
kind of sealed it for me.” Mary added, through a hesitant smile. “He made us
both realize how important family is. We’re going to give it another try, Dean.
Get it right this time.” Mary stroked his arm affectionately. “But only if you
don’t mind. I told your dad I wanted to ask for your blessing first.” Dean’s
mouth had dropped open, but nothing seemed to want to come out. Why his mother
would care about that at all was a mystery, but it made him feel valued again.
She was staring at him so hopefully, Dean knew he had to say something soon or
she would take his stunned silence the wrong way.
“'Course, Mom.” Dean practically knocked her over when he gave her a hug.
“That’s awesome.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel managed to stumble down the path, feeling hot and sick with every step
that took him away from his omega. He hadn’t felt like that since they met up
again in New York, too consumed by a painful ache to make the connection. He
waited by the water for almost half an hour, really struggling to sit still now
his knot seemed to have a mind of its own whenever Dean was close. That boy had
driven him to distraction in the last couple of days, the silent pledge between
them invading every alpha thought. Castiel wasn’t sure how his body actually
survived so long without claiming him. He was startled from his thoughts by a
spirited call behind him.
“Alright, Hawkeye?” Dean shouted across the glade, grinning at Castiel while he
ran clumsily down the slope. He never got any better at that. It had all
suddenly come back to him when he saw Cas waiting for him on the bank just like
he used to. Dean almost forgot how many years had passed them by when he saw
Castiel just perched by the edge of the water, giving him a wide smile over the
rise of his shoulder. “Shove over, city boy.” Dean bumped him to one side with
a jerk of his butt when he dropped down beside him.
“Don’t push your luck, hayseed.” Castiel laughed, nudging him back. “You’re in
a nauseatingly good mood. What happened?” Dean leaned forward to fill Cas in on
the latest gossip when he heard the sound of footsteps trailing through the
grass behind him. Castiel quickly thrust both hands underneath him and sat on
his fingers to stop them wriggling. Dean smelled even more delicious than he
had in bed that morning, but Mary reached them before he had chance to say
anything. She followed Dean to check if they could take Scout for a little trip
into town to show him off. Mary forgot to ask him before he left in her haste
to blurt out the news, too worried about the awkward conversation they were
both glad was over. Dean didn’t mind, but took the pup for a quick cuddle
first.
“I didn’t even know this was here.” Mary said quietly, gazing around the
clearing. “What a beautiful little place.”
“Sure is.” Dean gave Castiel a secret smile when he got up. “We kinda like it.”
Castiel suddenly noticed Dean was leaning over the pond so Scout could see his
reflection in the glassy surface.
“Dean! Come away from the water. You’re too close to the edge.” Dean turned in
surprise at how harsh that sounded, but Castiel was only looking out for Scout.
He was getting close to biting his omega, and still so wound up from all that
milk sucking it made him a bit snappy. Dean was standing on the bank with one
hand on his hip just to make sure he got the point across.
“I’m not gonna fall in.” He was probably right, but Castiel wasn’t going to
apologize because his natural instinct was to protect the baby. Dean’s mouth
softened when Castiel looked hurt. “Hey, I know you’d jump in and save me
again.” Dean walked back across the clumps of bluegrass and sat down between
Castiel’s knees with Scout wedged in the middle, little bare toes tickling his
daddy's stomach. The sun was shining behind him, drawing out many happy
memories of running down to the water when they were young. Castiel’s arms
stretched wide for him to snuggle into. Dean could feel the tears well up
again. There was something so special about dragonfly pond, it never failed to
bring out deep emotions. Dean could see the desire in Castiel’s eyes. Mary was
watching them closely. She might have been missing from most of his life but
she knew when two men in love needed to be alone.
“Come on, honey.” Mary plucked Scout from Dean’s arms and lifted him away from
the water. “Let’s go see Grandpa.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Dean smiled up at her when she bent down to kiss his cheek. He
breathed her in, familiar hint of swaying summer meadows making him feel so
safe. Sometimes she looked just the same as he remembered. Dean knew he had
forgiven her completely when he watched her over his shoulder while she walked
back up the path with their pup in her arms. Her hair shone in the light,
shimmering like gold in the Kansas sunshine. A vision of loveliness he never
expected to see again. Dean still didn’t think he deserved everything to be so
wonderful. He had a loving family around him, and an alpha who could still make
him weak with a single touch. Castiel knew Dean was going to cry again before
the drops even fell.
“I’m glad we came back here.” He tried gently, remembering how much Dean liked
to see his possessive side. How readily Dean once lapped up that sentiment with
starry eyes. They both waited so long for the happiness they deserved, but
Castiel didn’t want to rush him. He wanted it all to be perfect when he staked
his claim on Dean now they were grown. “I missed you so much… missed being here
with you by the water. Part of me always wished you’d let me claim you a long
time ago but sometimes I’m glad we waited.” Castiel reached for Dean and pulled
him over to the edge of the bank so they could take a romantic walk around the
pond. They strolled across the meadow for a while hand in hand until Dean
suddenly stopped by a mass of bulrushes.
“Shit, Cas… look.” Dean burst out in amazement, frantically tugging at some
overgrown reeds on the bank. “My old sign.” Castiel let go of his hand so he
could circle Dean’s waist with both arms, holding him steady while he cleared
away some of the longer grasses. “I almost forgot about it.” Dean shook his
head with a laugh when he eventually uncovered what had been hiding behind the
cluster of reeds, not sure how he could have missed it the last time he went
down there. “I’ll be damned.” He slowly revealed a section of rough planks
crudely nailed together. It was sad to see it so battered and weather worn,
faint carvings of two blue dragonflies still etched into the wood. Dean
absently traced one finger around every curve, basking in blissful memories of
a love that had filled their hearts with hope before all the crap took them
away from each other.
“I remember when you made this.” Castiel sighed. “I knew I loved you that day,
Dean.”
“Cas.” Dean murmured.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to be scared any more. I’ll always take care of you
and Scout.” Castiel no longer had any fear for their safety, but he still
sounded deadly serious. “I don’t think you ever realized how complete my love
for you really is.”
Dean brushed away stray tears of happiness from his eyes with the back of one
hand. There was something dangerous fluttering between them. They both
understood just how close Castiel was to claiming him. Knowing he was going to
belong to his alpha forever was an innocent dream Dean always held on to, even
through countless dark days when he believed his true mate was lost forever.
Castiel wrapped both arms around him again and held him tight. Dean couldn’t
speak, the sexual tension suspended between them like the first butterfly of
summer. So delicate it was impossible to hold without crushing it, but so close
they just had to reach out and take it. Dean could see the look of pure love in
those blue eyes. He knew for sure in that one beautiful moment Castiel was
going to ask to bite him.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Bite Me *****
74. Bite Me
Dean let Castiel shamelessly indulge him with attention. Spending time alone
with each other was something they missed out on for years and he soaked up
every second.
“I’m glad we came back.” Dean said softly, watching Castiel lift his hand to
kiss each knuckle where they were curled around his alpha’s fingers. “We were
always supposed to be here. This is where I made you promise not to forget me.”
Castiel could see Dean’s mouth suddenly threaten to shape into a pout. “You
never came to save me.” Dean tried hard to push out memories of so many lonely
years, but sometimes a part of him wished Cas had claimed him a long time ago
too.
“I’m here now.” Castiel replied, edging one arm around Dean’s body in a subtle
attempt to draw him closer. “I can’t change the past, Dean. All I can do is
promise to love you forever.”
“I want forever, Cas. More than anything.” Dean’s sulky expression soon
twitched into a smile.
“Then for once in your life, will you please just shut up and let me kiss you.”
Dean had to steady himself on the worn planks when he felt persistent fingers
stroke all the way down the length of his back. Castiel had a fire smouldering
behind his eyes when he dipped both hands into the back of Dean’s shorts. A
wild intensity to that burning gaze Dean struggled to hold. He heard himself
whimper when Castiel bent his head to suck all the way along his omega’s neck.
Licking potent pheromones from damp skin, determined to take a chance on
getting Dean to surrender to his sexual advances while he knew they would be
left undisturbed for a while.
Castiel had been desperate to get his hands on Dean again since their
disappointingly brief make-out session the night before, not sure he would be
able to stay in control much longer if he didn’t release some frustration soon.
Castiel murmured Dean’s name against his throat before running a searching
tongue all the way up his jaw until he reached Dean’s open mouth. He let
Castiel force his lips apart, overwhelmed by the instinctive need to submit to
the dominant alpha that had soon risen to the surface when Dean willingly
kissed him back. Castiel was reeling with the heady excitement of finally being
able to take his claim, something his heart wanted since the day he presented.
No one could tell them how to live their lives anymore. They were going to make
their own future where they could be together, mated and happy with Scout as
their little ray of sunshine.
“I want you to bite me, Cas. I’m just scared something bad is gonna happen. I
can’t lose you again.” Dean hesitated. “What if enforcement call you back… if
Sam can’t do enough to change things?”
“I never cared about any of that. I care about you. Always have.” Castiel had
waited to hear Dean actually say those words since he was thirteen and now
there was nothing he wouldn’t do to make it happen. His gentle voice seemed
enough to dry up Dean’s uncertainty for now. He leaned in to kiss Castiel again
with his eyes closed, suddenly stopping short when he felt trembling hands grip
his face. Even the thought of being torn apart was enough to weave a spiral of
dread inside him. “You’re never leaving me again. Do you hear me? Never.”
Castiel held on to Dean as tight as he dared without hurting him. There was a
cold shadow of fear in his voice, a lifetime of pain behind his eyes when Dean
blinked his own open again in surprise. He knew right then they would never
spend another second apart. “Sorry.” Castiel breathed. “I just want you to know
how special you are to me. Close your eyes.” Dean did as he was asked without
question, feeling his knees give way again when Castiel started worshipping the
skin of his throat with a hot mouth.
“Cas, wait. What if my mom comes back?” Dean swallowed hard, cursing himself
for sounding like an awkward first date. Castiel humoured him. He knew Dean was
only stalling because of what those marks would mean. It wasn’t just sex, a
mating bond that came with two tiny battle scars. It was a lifetime of
faithfulness and loyalty. Giving every part of himself to an alpha he loved
since he was a boy. Castiel soothed away Dean’s concerns a second time. The
only thing Scout was in danger of was being spoiled to pieces, and there was no
way anyone would come and check on them just to make sure they weren’t making
out on the bank.
“No one ever comes down here, and I’m pretty sure the pup’s gonna keep your mom
busy for a while.” Castiel was studying Dean’s face, just to make sure he was
really alright with being mauled to bits. “Okay?” Green eyes were darting over
Castiel’s shoulder. He didn’t look particularly convinced. “Dean, is it okay?”
Dean eventually nodded, licking nervously at his lips while he scanned the
glade for some sign of life. It was calm and quiet. Everything so peaceful, he
managed to relax enough to let Castiel start pulling at his fastener in a
graceless attempt to get his jeans off. Castiel could feel warm blood surge
through his body when they kissed again until he was so hard he couldn’t stand
it any longer. He loved Dean too much to ever force him to do anything he
didn’t want, but the need to slide into a soft body and feel slick omega heat
around him again was making him impulsive. He managed to grapple Dean onto the
grass, pushing him down on his back so he could settle between his thighs. Dean
gasped in a shallow breath when Castiel moved down his skin, dipping his head
so he could scent the honeyed slick that started to drip out of Dean’s body as
soon as Castiel’s tongue stroked over his own.
Castiel eased down his jeans, giving them a determined tug when they got stuck
on those perfectly curved hips. He yanked them free, too turned on to even
pretend it was an accident when his shorts came off as well. Castiel savoured
the moment, dragging wet lips down Dean’s stomach until they were hovering
under his dick in anticipation.
“Let me.” Castiel pleaded. Dean didn’t say anything. He just spread his legs
apart in silent invitation and tipped his head back so he could gaze up at the
cloudless sky. Castiel knew it was the only permission he needed to take
another delicious mouthful of that slippery nectar he loved so much. He
carefully licked around the hole but couldn’t seem to get his tongue in deep
enough, raw instincts still drenched with the luscious taste of omega milk. He
could hear the sounds of pleasure spilling out above him when he suddenly
lifted his head so he could look at the beautiful omega who would soon belong
to him forever. “Swear to me, Dean.” Castiel panted against his skin, the need
to push inside his mate making his voice scratch at the back of his throat.
Dean was just staring at him. Heavy eyes half-closed in erotic bliss, not
really sure what he was supposed to say. Castiel dotted frantic kisses on the
inside of both thighs, breathless in his desperation. “Swear you’ll always be
here with me.”
Dean once vowed he would make it back to dragonfly pond one day. The special
place he lost himself forever to a boy he would love with everything he had
until his own heart finally stopped beating. Dean knew then why he came back.
Maybe even then he knew. This was the place he would one day give himself to
Castiel completely, body and soul.
“I promise, Cas.”
Dean felt Castiel drop with relief when he spread out on top of him. Smothering
Dean with so many passionate kisses, he had to force himself to pull away just
to take another breath. Heightened alpha senses soon dominated by the combined
scents of meadow poppies and omega slick, eager mouth caressing Dean’s throat
like a kiss from Gaia. Castiel hurried to shed his own clothes, discarding his
shirt in a burst of animalistic intent. Dean was pinned helplessly underneath
him, the soft carpet of leafy grass rubbing against bare skin when he rolled
their bodies together over the bank. They lay in the safety of a fond embrace,
brushed by feathery sprinkles. Delicate seed pods danced around them, caught by
a gentle breeze before descending. Falling in slow motion to cover their naked
skin like drops of summer rain. Castiel smoothed trembling hands over Dean’s
body with so much uncertainty it was almost like they were young boys in love
again. A love that almost consumed Dean, filling his shining eyes with more
happy tears when he prepared to give his life to Castiel in that perfect
moment. One they already waited a lifetime for.
Castiel was surprisingly rough when he flipped Dean onto his back again,
slithering along his stomach and planting a line of wet kisses all the way up
his body until he reached his mouth. Dean’s knees fell apart when Castiel
climbed on top of him, holding his body up with the strength of both arms so he
could feel his way between Dean’s legs without looking. He wanted to watch that
plump mouth drop open when Castiel shoved inside him again.
Dean sensed Castiel’s dick rub impatiently against his hole. So wet, the tip
slid in easily. Dean drew in a gasp of air when it started to open him up,
lifting his hips so Castiel could plunge in deeper. Searching fingers were
suddenly sinking into his butt to help guide him in with a curse. Dean was soon
moaning loudly again when Castiel edged into him. He pushed in slowly at first,
wanting it so badly but desperate to make it last. The divine scent made
Castiel so aroused it didn’t take him long to up the pace, every intrusion
slamming into Dean until he was begging Cas to fuck him harder. Castiel could
feel the tingle start to build, quickly pulling Dean up by the shoulders until
he was sitting in his lap with both legs wrapped tightly around his alpha’s
back. The only thing Castiel could manage in such a crushing space were little
jerks of his hips, prodding inside his omega and poking at all the sensitive
bits. Dean dropped his head back, subconsciously exposing his throat when he
felt the rigid length of thick alpha cock fill him up. Castiel struggled to
stop himself from coming. Instinctively leaning in with his mouth open, ready
to bite. For that one fleeting instant, the gaze they shared meant more than
anything Castiel could have said. Dean never saw so much honest love in
anyone’s eyes, and pushed back against pointed teeth itching to break all that
pure omega skin.
“It’s okay, Cas.” Dean knew how hard Castiel was trying to hold back when he
saw beads of sweat sticking to his face, straining to stop himself from
delivering that claiming bite. His heart melted when he understood the silent
fear in Castiel’s eyes. He looked terrified, scared he wouldn’t be able to
resist. He would never forgive himself if Dean didn’t really want it. Never
make it right. Castiel was shaking with the exertion but Dean just reached out
and gave his alpha a single tender caress to his cheek. So different from the
intensity of the passionate kisses only moments before. “I’m ready.”
“Sure?” That one choked out word was all Castiel could form when he pulled his
omega on to his growing knot. The base quickly swelling inside Dean when
Castiel got closer to the orgasm that threatened to take him while he still had
enough self-control to stop it. Dean just nodded, lowering his head in
submission when Castiel suddenly pushed in deeper, preparing to seal their bond
forever.
“I’m sure. I want it to be here, Cas. It was always meant to be here.”
Dean’s expectant whisper was all Castiel needed to empty into his mate with a
rush, driving his pulsing dick into Dean with so much desire their hips were
pressed together. Castiel growled when Dean arched his back to force the knot
in harder, dipping his head and opening his mouth wide. Castiel bit down into
Dean’s throat while he came inside him. Spilling omega blood laden with rich,
fertile hormones. The lingering scent of pregnancy still surging through his
veins. Castiel could taste it all. After waiting so long to take possession
with that first nip of undamaged skin, the sensation took his breath away. They
stayed tangled together on the lush grass that edged the pond. Dean held on to
Castiel, folding both arms around his back to steady himself while sharp teeth
were clamped so deep into his throat he could almost feel his life blood
flowing from the wound. Dean tensed at the sudden sting, digging his fingers
into Castiel’s skin while the pain slowly faded. Soon replaced with a spaced-
out euphoria that made his vision blurry, every natural sense on overload.
Castiel cried out when the blinding ecstasy ripped through him, whole body
shaking while his cheeks turned pink. Sweat was dripping down his face, still
pumping Dean full of potent alpha seed while he came down from the high of
being mated. Castiel couldn’t seem to hold Dean close enough, caressing his
back with loving touches while he licked at the cuts until the blood started
drying on his skin. He kissed Dean again, fresh drops hanging on his lips when
their mouths touched. Sweet submissive surrender making him come harder than he
ever had in his life.
“I would have waited another hundred years for you if I knew I’d be this
happy.”
Castiel closed his eyes and snuggled into Dean’s body. He could feel him
breathing against the side of his face while he stared out over the water, just
taking comfort from the warmth of each other’s arms. Dean suddenly inhaled when
he spotted something flitting across the surface. A sign they were going to be
safe.
“Look, Cas.” Dean pointed out across the pond. “A little dragonfly. Must be the
first one of summer.” He eased himself up a bit, still throbbing from the
stretch of Castiel’s knot while it grew inside him. “Sometimes when I’m down
here with you, it feels like we never left.” Dean looked so content, it was
Castiel’s turn to swallow down the tears. All he ever wanted was to make him
happy. He buried his face in the dip of Dean’s shoulder and protectively kissed
the fresh marks, trying to chase all the pain away.
“Same. I love you so much, Dean… so much.” Castiel whispered, his voice too
faint and fractured with emotion to say any more. He just gripped onto his
mate, instinctively filling Dean with more shallow thrusts to make sure he was
locked on good.
Neither of them could guess how long they spent just holding each other.
Castiel eventually shifted back when he started to shiver from the draft of air
sweeping across the water. He wanted to wait until his knot went down enough to
slip out without hurting him. His dick was still covered in slick, swollen and
sore from being lodged inside Dean’s body for so long. Damp from the dewy grass
had snaked into his skin and every muscle ached, but he would take it all again
in a heartbeat. Being fully bonded to his true mate satisfied every need inside
him, decades of longing fading away to memory now he had claimed Dean as his
own. The boys finally had everything they ever wanted and enough freedom to
stay together.
“What you thinking about?” Dean hummed, resting his head on Castiel’s lap while
they basked naked in the sunshine. Castiel seemed almost lost to the peace and
quiet, one hand dropping down to aimlessly rub his fingertips against the
raised bumps. “How much you love me?” Dean nudged him, turning over onto his
stomach just so he could look into Castiel’s eyes. He sighed with happiness and
lovingly kissed the top of Dean’s head when he sat up, blinking at the golden
light shimmering across the pond.
“Actually, I’m looking forward to watching you explain those grass stains to
your dad.” Castiel’s mouth broke into a shy smile when he eventually lifted him
up. He helped his mate to get dressed with so much gentleness, Dean knew he was
going to be cherished for the rest of his life.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Kindred Spirits *****
75. Kindred Spirits
Sam could hear the faint sounds of early morning drift in through the open
window. He was trying to put together a few hazy pieces of a midnight walk back
to the motel when he turned over to see Jess lying next to him, blonde hair
spread out across the pillow. Sam felt his heart stutter and sat up with a
start. It only made his head hurt. Knocking back cheap wine on an empty stomach
was a very bad idea. He was holding his breath and staring at her face in
confusion when she suddenly opened her eyes and stretched out beside him with a
little yawn.
“Morning.” She smiled, leaning in to rest her head on his chest. Sam wasn’t
sure what to say. He just slipped one arm around her and tried to sort through
many disordered thoughts.
“Hi.” Sam stammered, memories of the night before slowly filtering back with
the daylight. She was obviously naked, a crumpled sheet pulled up just high
enough to cover her modesty. “You okay?” Sam said quietly, hopelessly
attempting to keep his voice level. He felt a gentle nod against his side. She
was still half-asleep. “Jess, can I ask you something?” Sam pushed himself up
on one elbow, desperate to direct the conversation away from the fact they must
have slept together. “Why do you want to help me so bad? Give so much of your
time to the program, I mean. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
He added quickly. They worked together a lot lately but it was still a very
personal question. “I just wondered. Have for a while, actually.”
“You mean apart from being able to spend every day with you?” She looked up at
him, nudging him hard just in case he thought she was already mapping out their
wedding. “Don’t panic, it’s not just that.” She tapped him again. “I admire
what you’re doing for omegas. It’s about time someone stood up for them.”
“See, that - right there.” Sam gave in to the temptation of a warm body and
hesitantly pulled Jess a bit closer. “Says it all.”
“My mother.” Jess confessed, after a few seconds of heavy silence. “They took
her, Sam. She’s in the system somewhere. I knew you were trying to get access
to the database so I stayed on, hoping I could find out where she is.” Jess
dropped her head in shame, unable to hold his gaze. “I’m sorry, I should have
been honest with you from the start.”
The revelation she used him as a way to get some inside information made Sam
feel sick, and it wasn’t just from the hangover. Jess suddenly sat up, only to
make sure Sam could see how much she regretted it. “But that’s not why I
stayed. I know what you must think of me. I wanted to tell you the truth as
soon as I realized how much I liked you.”
“I see.” Sam said blankly, not sure how the hell he was supposed to feel about
her now. “Was sleeping with me part of the plan?”
“No.” Jess sighed. She looked so offended, Sam felt bad for saying it. “I did
that because I wanted to. I didn't have to fake anything last night.” Sam
couldn’t stay pissed at her for long. He probably would have done exactly the
same if it was Dean who got taken by the state, and she really was pretty.
“Your mom’s an omega?” Sam took a shallow breath, uncertain of how much he
should share with her. Despite what she just told him, something convinced Sam
he could trust her. Jess seemed to understand him in a way no one else ever
had. “Mine too.” Sam added quietly. “I don’t really remember her. I’ve no idea
where she is. She might be in the system, or even dead by now. Don’t suppose
I’ll ever know for sure.” Jess stroked his arm. Sam always tried to make out
being abandoned bothered him a lot less than it actually did.
“I figured something must have hurt you real bad to make you so determined to
change things.”
“No.” Sam shook his head with a smile. “It’s my idiot brother you can thank for
that. I’m doing this for him. I always pretended I didn’t care that Mom left
us, but I just didn’t want Dean to think I was missing out somehow. Even though
he’s a few years older, I’ve always tried to look out for him. Maybe 'cause
he’s an omega, too. When I was a kid I used to feel sorry for him but he’s
happy now, I think.”
“Your brother? What happened? Is he in the system?” Jess asked in alarm.
“No, thank God. We’ve managed to dodge the exams so far. He was the one on
stage at my address.”
“Oh, that proposal.” Jess said, a dreamy look on her face when it all came back
flooding back. “So romantic… and that’s your brother? Yes, of course.” She
murmured sleepily. “Winchester. I remember.”
“Yeah. We changed his name when it got really bad. He's got Cas to look after
him now so I’m not worried about him anymore. They got split up when all the
government crap started. Cas ended up joining enforcement, but I always knew
they’d find each other somehow.” Jess could see Sam get all dewy eyed when he
thought about the hope he kept safe for Dean since he was a snotty nine-year
old. “They just had a little puppy together. I’m an uncle.” Sam grinned. “I
really want to see him, but everything’s just got so out of control here.”
“The pup in that picture?” Jess echoed, still amazed a male omega could have a
baby. She never knew that before. "How wonderful. So why don’t you just go home
for a few days? The program’s not going anywhere.”
“I want to, Jess. I really do. But I can’t let everything I’ve worked so hard
for just slip through my fingers now I’m so close.”
“I understand. Your speech was fantastic, Sam. Maybe you should run for
Senate.” Sam made a funny noise in the back of his throat, but Jess was
completely serious. “People are prepared to follow you. I know there’s a lot of
work to do, but I think you’ve got enough charm to persuade a few more to join
reintegration. Take some of those alpha bastards down.”
“I have, huh?” Sam felt his face start to get warm. He’d spent most of his life
being so starved of physical affection, a lovely feeling flowed through him
every time Jess touched him.
“I’m in your bed, aren’t I?” Jess smiled, easing herself up to kiss his cheek.
Sam felt like a total asshole for ever doubting her, hoping he hadn’t been
anything less than a perfect gentleman to get her into bed.
“I’m sorry about… you know.” He said quietly. “Whatever I did last night. I’m
not usually so… er.”
“Good?”
“I was gonna say pushy but I can take that, too.” Sam blushed at the
compliment. His sexual experience consisted of a few one night stands and an
intimate relationship with his hand.
“You were pretty intense.”
“I was?”
Jess nodded again. Sam only wished he could remember it better. It might have
been the lure of a soft body or the drops of alcohol still lingering in his
blood but there was something nice about the way Jess looked at him. He made an
impulsive decision.
“You know, you’re right.” Sam slipped back under the covers and let his hands
wander. “I have been working myself too hard. Come back to Haven with me for a
couple of days.”
“Sam, are you sure?” Jess half-expected him to make an excuse and leave like
they usually did but she could tell by his smile, he meant it. “I don’t know
what to say.”
“You get to go all squishy over a little puppy.” Sam knew that would clinch it.
“I love babies.” Jess murmured. “Okay. If you’re really sure you don’t mind me
tagging along.”
“You’re not tagging along.” Sam wrapped one arm around her back and pulled Jess
in for another kiss. “I invited you.”
“Thanks.” Jess still felt guilty but she was determined to make it right. She
would never lie to Sam again. “So, do you wanna go back to sleep? Get rid of
that headache you’ve been trying to pretend you don’t have.”
“You know, I’m suddenly feeling much better.” Sam moved his mouth along her
neck and cupped her naked ass in one hand. “So I vote we spend the rest of the
day holed out here and head home in the morning. Unless you got to be at work?
S'pose you could always call in sick if your boss is a dick.”
Jess laughed and let Sam press up hard against her.
“Nah. He’s pretty cute, actually. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Castiel made sure Dean was warm and comfortable after they got dressed. They
cuddled up together by the water, aimlessly watching insects skip in front of
their eyes.
“You happy, sweetheart?” Castiel was all over Dean like they were surgically
attached, constantly rubbing and caressing the open holes on his neck where his
teeth had broken the skin. “No regrets?” Dean just rested his head on Castiel’s
shoulder, still completely sated from being rammed so hard and weak with the
relief of finally being mated. Castiel was so loving and attentive, Dean felt
like he was the luckiest omega ever.
“Only that we waited so long.” Dean whispered. Castiel couldn’t wipe the
massive smile off his face. Dean smelled even better now he was covered in his
alpha’s scent. A distinctive badge Dean would always wear with pride to show
the world he had been claimed for life.
“I used to think like that. I always knew you were the only thing I ever
wanted, but to go through so much to finally have you.” Castiel paused. He was
staring at Dean’s face so intently, it looked like he was trying to memorize
every single freckle. “Makes me value each second.” Castiel could feel his
voice start to tremble again, raging hormones in danger of setting all his
emotions free. He wanted to show Dean he was strong like he was supposed to be.
A protective alpha who would always look after his claim. He forced the feeling
down and deliberately dropped his gaze to inspect the wound instead. “Damn, my
bite looks good on you.” Castiel eventually helped Dean up, quickly reaching
down to take his hand while they walked back up the street to see if Scout had
managed to clean out his grandpa’s bank account.
“You would say that.” Dean started rubbing at his neck. Once the endorphins
wore off, the pain kicked in with a vengeance. “You’re not the one who needs
medical attention. And that’s not the only thing that still throbs like a
bitch.” Dean added as an afterthought, intending to ask Bobby if he would watch
the pup for a bit when they got back so him and Cas could have a hot bath.
“Complaining?” Dean had almost forgotten how big his alpha was but hell, no. He
wasn’t complaining. He could definitely get used to that. They would soon have
a little house, a place just to call their own where Dean could let Castiel
hold him every night. Life didn’t get much better than that. Castiel kept
reaching up to touch the marks like he wanted to make sure it wasn’t all just a
perfect dream. Dean knew he was itching to say something else by the way his
fingers kept flexing against his palm where their hands were tangled together.
“Dean?” Castiel suddenly blurted out. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Can
we please get married now?” He sounded so desperate, Dean stopped in the middle
of the path. He took Castiel’s other hand and held them both out in front of
him.
“Yeah, Cas.” Dean smiled. “I say yes every time you ask me.”
“I know. I just like hearing it. I’m gonna see if Sam will be my best man but
don’t tell him yet, Dean. I want to ask him myself.”
“Not a word.” Dean agreed. He couldn’t think of a sweeter way to thank Sam for
all he’d done to help them stay together. “Thanks, Cas. I know that’ll mean a
lot to him.”
“Think your dad will expect to pay?” He asked absently. Dean stared at him.
“Meaning I’m the girl out the two of us? Shit, Cas.”
“I didn’t say that.” Castiel replied. “I just don’t want him to think he has
to. That job might have sucked ass on occasion but they paid me a fortune.
Besides.” He murmured, leaning in to lap at the blood again to keep the bite
clean. Dean could feel the deep voice vibrate all the way down his spine. “If I
want to treat you like a little princess, I will. You can sue me if you want.”
Castiel didn’t give Dean much chance to answer, and heard him giggle when he
nipped at the skin. Dean was surprisingly okay with that.
Mary and John were already home when they reached the back porch. The smell of
apple pie was everywhere, delicate scent of fresh flowers drifting through the
open windows. They could hear Scout fussing now he was starting to miss them.
Dean almost felt guilty for having some alone time with Cas and ran inside to
pick him up, rubbing his cheek against the pup’s face. He settled straight away
and even started to doze off again. Castiel had one arm draped across Dean’s
stomach and one hand on his butt while he watched the baby’s eyes flutter in
his sleep.
“Just look at him, Dean. Thank you for giving me something so beautiful.” They
were about to share another disgustingly fluffy moment when Mary noticed a spot
on Dean’s throat.
“Dean, are you alright?” Mary rushed over to him and spread her fingers across
his skin. “You’re bleeding.”
“Mom, I’m fine.” Dean gently eased her hand away. “I’m not hurt.”
“It looks like a bite.”
“Yeah, it is.”
It took her a few seconds to realize what he meant.
“So you’re mated now?” Mary asked in confusion. She was trying hard to put two
and two together and she wasn’t coming up with four. “But I just left you down
by the… oh.” She blushed. “So you two?”
Dean gave her a shy smile.
“Yeah. I let Cas claim me. God knows, he’s waited long enough.”
“Well, I’m glad I didn’t come back to ask for another bottle.” Castiel laughed,
but Dean flushed all the way up his neck. It only made the bite look even more
obvious. “Dean, I’m so happy for you.” His dad seemed fascinated by the marks,
studying them so closely Dean wanted to fall into a hole. John glanced over at
Mary, wondering for the first time what she might be hiding underneath her
hair. She seemed to sense what he was thinking. “No, John. He never claimed me.
I don’t know why. Maybe he didn’t think I was worthy.” Dean felt his heart
swell with sympathy. He couldn’t guess how many years she suffered indignity
and shame at the hands of someone who was supposed to protect her. He was so
lucky to have an alpha like Castiel. Dean was going to make sure Cas always
knew how much he appreciated him. John edged up behind Mary and slid both arms
around her waist. None of it mattered anymore. She was home. "So you can start
planning the wedding.” Mary said excitedly, leaning back against John’s chest.
“You decided where you want to have the ceremony?” Castiel and Dean just looked
at each other. There was only one place in their hearts that would be right.
Dean opened his mouth to reply when his cell suddenly started ringing. It was
Sam.
“Hey, Dean. Congratulations. I can’t wait to see Scout. I’m so sorry I haven’t
had chance to call before. Can you tell Dad and Uncle Bobby I’m coming home for
a few days? I'm dying to see the baby and I er… well, there’s someone I want
you to meet.”
“A girl?”
“Maybe.”
Sam always was a terrible liar.
“That’s my boy.” Dean laughed. “Be real good to see you, Sam. I got a surprise
for you too, kid.” Mary shook her head and grabbed for Dean’s arm, looking up
at him with pleading eyes. She didn’t want Sam to hear she was back like that.
He deserved better. Dean just gave her a little nod to let her know the secret
was safe for now. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait and see… oh, and Cas
wants to ask you something.”
“Okay, Dean. I’ll be home tomorrow. Get that puppy ready to meet his favourite
uncle.”
Sam was beaming like an idiot when he dropped his cell on the bed and wriggled
back down next to Jess. He had a political career in his sights and a beautiful
girl on his arm who would support him every step of the way. His dad was sober,
and the sun was always shining in Haven. Sam was going to get to hold his
nephew and see Dean and Cas mated, blissfully content. He had no idea his
happiness would be complete when he saw his mom waiting on the step to welcome
him home.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Visionaries *****
76. Visionaries
Castiel finally persuaded Dean to leave when the evening started to draw in. He
wanted him to spend time with his mom after so many years without her, but
Scout had been subjected to more than enough excitement for one day. Castiel
knew he was shattered, and insisted on carrying the sleeping pup all the way
back so they could settle in for the night. They were trying to come up with
something on the way home to show Bobby how grateful they were for giving them
a safe place to stay.
“I’ll run you a bath.” Castiel kissed Dean on the cheek after closing the door
behind them. He always seemed to sense what Dean was thinking without any words
having to pass between them. Scout was hanging over him, little mouth all
squished up on his daddy’s shoulder. Castiel gave Bobby a quick nod in greeting
when he saw him standing in the hallway.
“Thanks, Cas.” Dean watched him go with a happy sigh, hardly able to drag his
gaze away from his mate. He only managed to free himself from Castiel’s spell
when he heard a distinct cough next to his side.
“Somethin' you wanna share, boy?” Bobby was leaning up against the wall with
both arms folded across his body, a knowing glint in his eyes. He saw the bite
the second they walked through the door. Dean instinctively reached up to touch
the marks. They still ached, but finally being claimed by an alpha he was
hopelessly in love with was worth a few jolts of pain.
“Don’t think I need to judging by the look on your face.”
“Yeah, you can spare me the details.” Bobby said quickly. “That’s been a long
time coming. Hope he treats you right.”
“You know he does.” Dean slowly blinked his eyes with a mushy smile when he
turned to watch Castiel’s butt disappear up the stairs with his son cuddled
against a warm chest. “And Scout. He’s awesome with that pup.”
“Never really expected anything less. Always was a loyal one, I’ll give him
that.” Bobby had no doubt both of them would be a lifelong priority. “How’s the
babe doing? Missed me all day, I hope.”
“He’s fine.” Dean laughed. “Too busy twisting Mom and Dad round his little
finger to give you a second thought.”
“Story of my life.” Bobby sniffed.
“Actually, I was hoping you would keep an eye on him for a bit in case he wakes
up for a feed.” Dean attempted. Bobby could already hear the water running and
suspected the sudden demand for babysitting had more to do with Dean being
desperate to bathe all his sore bits. Bobby knew perfectly well how claiming
worked, but pretended it was just a hazy memory lost in one of his many dusty
books.
“Were you, now?” He played along, but it would have been nice to credit him
with a bit of intelligence.
“Yeah.” Dean drawled slowly. “Well, me and Cas got to talkin' on the way back.
Thought you should get some practice in seeing as we’re gonna ask you to be his
godfather.” Bobby seemed to be submerged in a rare moment of silence. Dean
could see his eyes shining.
“That’s a hell of an honour.” Bobby managed at last. It was still a bit of a
culture shock seeing Dean submissive and content, so different from the
troubled boy he watched grow up. Castiel had brought out something beautiful
Dean buried deep. “Which I accept, of course.” Bobby added, just in case the
lad changed his mind. “I always knew why you were such a sulky kid, Dean. Why
d’you think I tried to help you boys back then? You don’t know how much it
warms my old heart to see you two so happy.”
“Thanks. Feels pretty damn good. Sometimes it seems like we waited so long but
don’t think I’ve ever forgotten what you did for us.” Dean suddenly threw his
arms around Bobby’s neck in an unexpected hug. It took the poor man a few
seconds to recover.
“And your mom’s back?” Bobby muttered, turning away before he was in danger of
showing his sensitive side. “That’s real good, Dean. I just hope she sticks
around for your dad’s sake. Not sure he could take that again.” Bobby could
still remember what a mess John was after Mary left, but Dean had enough faith
for both of them.
“I think they’re really gonna try and make it work.” Dean smiled. The idea both
his parents would be there to see him get married was almost too much. He was
saved from an emotional meltdown by the sound of Castiel calling down to him.
Dean's eyes flicked back to Bobby.
“Go on.” He surrendered, pretending to embrace martyrdom with a groan when he
gave Dean a tap to send him upstairs to Cas. “I’ll get a bottle fixed up, just
in case.”
“Thanks, Bobby.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was completely out of it until the next morning, so exhausted he slept for
ten hours straight. Scout must have known they wanted some post-mating cuddles
and made it all the way through the night for the first time.
Sam already sent an early morning text to let them know what time he would be
landing in Haven. Dean took Castiel and Scout round to his dad’s so they could
all wait for him together. He already offered to let his brother know what to
expect so he didn’t have a heart attack on the spot, but Mary insisted on being
the one to tell Sam she was home. John was standing by her side on the back
steps when the taxi pulled around the corner. Castiel recognized the girl he
saw Sam flirting with peering through the open window when it finally crawled
to a stop. He nudged Dean in the side with one elbow. Sam’s face was plastered
with confusion when he saw so many people there to meet him. Mary slowly
started walking down to the cab while Sam fumbled to open the door. He knew it
was her before she even reached the bottom of the path. Jess saw him stumble
out, not sure he hadn’t worked himself so hard lately he was starting to
imagine things. He was squinting in the sunlight and gaping at her in
amazement. She looked like something from a fading photograph suddenly come to
life.
“Mom?” Sam could only force the word out in a gasp of disbelief. When he saw
Dean standing just behind her and smiling at his brother with a tiny pup in his
arms, he knew for sure it was real.
“Hello, Sam.” Mary wasn’t sure if she should touch him, not certain he even
remembered her. Dean was the one who shared that special omega bond as a child.
The reason Sam suspected it hurt him so much more when she left.
“Dean? Why didn’t you say something?” Sam murmured over her shoulder, searching
out a familiar face to ground him now his head was swimming.
“I wanted to tell you myself, Sam. It’s the least I could do after all this
time.” Mary answered for him while she was standing between them. Sam finally
allowed himself to really look at her. “I’m so sorry.” Dean nodded it was okay
to let it all go, and Sam scooped her up in a hug and shed happy tears into her
hair. They held each other for such a long time, Dean wondered if Sam would
have ever let her go at all if Jess hadn’t come up behind him. Sam introduced
her before she made a beeline for the puppy and Dean handed Scout over for a
fuss. He wriggled in her arms at the new scent and Jess completely fell in love
with him the second he stared up at her with those soft blue eyes. Sam warned
Dean not to give her any ideas before he took the baby and carried him inside.
He really did look just like Cas.
Mary spent the rest of the morning planning the wedding. Castiel was
unnaturally quiet for most of it and Dean knew exactly why. He was still
emotionally torn over the fact someone was missing from a very select guest
list. Dean pulled him to one side, determined to help Castiel put his own
demons to rest in a last ditch attempt to try and repair some of the damage his
father had done. Dean might have spent years letting that pain eat away at him,
never really believing he deserved to be loved. Alex had completely destroyed
him that day he broke a little boy’s heart, but none of that mattered every
time Dean looked into his mate’s eyes. He knew his alpha would count every star
in the sky if he asked him to.
“Cas, I meant it when I said I think you should invite your family. I know your
dad messed up but I really want Scout to know him.” Dean looked so sincere,
Castiel had to concede defeat. “It’s a big ask after how much he put us through
but it’s the right thing to do. Show him he was wrong about us.”
“I know he was wrong. I don't need to prove anything to him."
"That's not what I'm saying, Cas. Our son deserves to know where he came from."
"Okay." Castiel said softly. He still wasn't sure it was a good idea, but
agreed to call him anyway. "For you, Dean - if that’s what you want.”
Sam was under no illusions he was pulling in a tenuous second place to Scout
when it came to a girl’s affections and left Jess with the baby so he could
spend some of the time discussing job proposals with Cas. His office had made
some serious progress in getting listed omegas released from captivity, but Sam
guessed there were many more held in the facilities who hadn’t been registered
on the system. Deliberately or otherwise. They would have months of work ahead
of them, but there was no one he would rather have by his side when it came to
tackling enforcement. Together they could realize a vision for a brighter
future. Sam eased his friend to one side to outline the details while Dean and
Mary booked stuff for the wedding. Everyone was trying to get their shit
together so the boys could get hitched before Sam had to go back to Washington.
Castiel still wanted to help the cause, but he would stand by what he said. He
could never leave Dean again, even if Sam offered him a suite at the
Whitehouse.
“Cas, you don’t need to look so worried.” Sam started. “Being involved with
reintegration is a lot to expect, and I know you don’t really want to be
anywhere but here.” Castiel glanced over at Dean. Mary was trying to talk to
him about colour schemes but he was just gazing back at his alpha. Dean gave
him a coy blink from across the room. “Cas?” Sam had to click his fingers in
front of his face to drag him back from the depths of some erotic fantasy that
took over when his omega smiled at him like that.
“Sorry. I was just - ” Castiel’s voice trailed off while he stared longingly at
Dean.
“I know.” Sam replied patiently. “I have eyes. I get that you’re still doped up
on being mated. I was just saying you can run the program from here, if you
want. You won’t have to do much more than train up some of the rookies.” Sam
knew it was more serious than that, but didn’t want to put a dampener on
planning such a special day. “I thought maybe you could help people understand
why the new program is the way forward. I might even put you and Dean on my
campaign pamphlet.” Castiel finally gave Sam some attention.
“Well, make sure you get my good side.” He laughed. Castiel couldn’t really
concentrate on anything else but Dean now Jess had completely monopolized
Scout. She had to be bribed to put him down for more than a few minutes at a
time.
“Naturally.” Sam patted his friend on the back. “I’m really happy for you, Cas.
I never gave up hope. I knew Dean would let you claim him one day, but I don’t
think you’ll ever know how hard it must have been for him to let go. We spent
so many years fighting the system. Dean hated alphas. Only you could have made
him proud to be an omega.”
“Thank you, Sam. For everything.” Castiel smiled. They both understood that
meant a lot more than a handful of heartfelt words. “I won’t forget it.
Actually, it brings me round to something I wanted to say.” Sam was just
waiting, his hand now resting on Castiel’s shoulder. “I was going to ask if you
would be my best man. I know it’s a bit short notice and everything but I don’t
really want to wait any longer. Claiming is one thing, but I want to do this
for Dean so he knows how much I love him. I don’t know what I would do if I
ever lost him again.”
“I don’t think you need to worry about that anymore. Things are moving in the
right direction… and yes, Cas. I would love to.” Sam reached down to shake his
hand. “Thank you.” Castiel left Sam with Jess to drool over the pup together so
he could grab an opportunity to go in for a cuddle. He held onto Dean like he
might have started getting withdrawal symptoms if he didn’t get some physical
contact soon. Dean let Castiel settle both hands on his waist while chaos
descended around them.
“I see you’ve been planning out my life without me.”
Dean shook his head with a pained smile.
“It’s my mom. She’s on a mission to stress my dad out as much as possible. I
think I’ve created a monster.”
“Let her do it, Dean. It’s good therapy.” Castiel gave her a little wave of
support before slipping his arms behind his mate to make a subtle grab for his
ass. "I'm not sure she can get anywhere booked before Sam has to go back,
though. I can’t get married without my best man."
“I want us to do it at the pond.” Dean said suddenly.
“I knew you would.” Castiel whispered, kissing Dean’s cheek for the hundredth
time that day. He seemed completely oblivious to the fact anyone else was there
at all. When he wasn’t attached to Dean’s mouth, he was soothing the bite with
his tongue.
Sam was on a tight deadline and knew he had to go back to Washington in a
couple of days so they brought the wedding forward, intending to have nothing
more than a small ceremony they could do outside. Mary wanted to go all out,
but John was with Dean in settling for something simple until he found out
Castiel was paying. It was all set for the next morning before Sam and Jess
went back upstate. Sam was thinking hard about what she said about running for
the Senate, but he kept it to himself while they were in Haven. Those few days
taking in fresh country air weren’t about him. It was Dean’s moment to shine
and Sam had no intention of taking that away from him.
Dean was up for an early night, so they eventually wandered back to Bobby's for
something to eat. He kept calling it the last supper but Castiel didn’t get it.
Bobby was acting weird since they got in and kept disappearing outside. They
were just clearing away and getting ready to go up to bed when he came back in
and ushered Dean out into the hallway without a word of explanation.
“Right, boy. I already cleared it with your mom. You need to go back an' stay
over there tonight.”
“Why the hell would I want to do that?” Dean asked, with a vacant expression.
“Dean.” Bobby sighed, like it was the stupidest question ever. “You’re not
s’posed to see each other just before you get spliced. It’s bad luck.”
“Bobby.” Dean moaned. “We just got mated.” Dean could almost feel the promise
of a warm alpha body pressing up against him while they spent another night
curled up in each other’s arms. “We kinda want to be together, and don’tcha
think I’ve had enough bad luck to last a lifetime?”
“One night ain’t gonna make any difference - off you go.” Bobby practically
pushed Dean down the hall just to prove he wasn’t kidding. “Me and Cas can look
after the puppy. You need your beauty sleep.”
“Seriously?” Dean made a desperate grab for his jacket before he was booted
out.
“Seriously.” Bobby replied. Castiel just had time to reach forward and pull
Dean back for a hug. Bobby let them have a minute. Dean didn’t really want to
leave at all but he loved that old bastard too much to disrespect him. Castiel
held onto his mate for so long, Bobby thought Dean might have fallen asleep on
his shoulder. He felt like he was intruding on a special moment when they
finally broke apart so Dean could kiss Castiel goodnight.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
“Yeah, maybe… if I’m not too busy.” Castiel was gently stroking both hands up
and down Dean’s back, making sure he knew he was only teasing. Reminding him of
a time long ago when all they had was hope for a better life. Dean looked like
he was stoned when loaded green eyes glassed over. So intoxicated by the memory
of being claimed, he might have been somewhere far away. Castiel touched his
cheek where Dean’s kiss was still resting on his skin, holding it safe until
the morning when they would exchange their vows under the blossom laden
branches hanging over dragonfly pond.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Forever *****
77. Forever
Castiel was already up and stressing by the time dawn broke. So nervous and
excited about finally being able to make an honest man out of Dean, he hardly
slept a wink. There was so much to do before they would meet again by the pond,
and he wanted to give his love a day he would remember forever. Cas looked so
lost without him the night before, Bobby guessed he could do with a change of
company and invited Sam to stay over as a distraction. When Dean went off to
his dad’s they did a swap. Jess nearly broke her neck to come with when she
found out Scout was there and insisted on being in charge of puppy duty. Sam
was now blinking in the early light while he was shaken violently awake.
Castiel was so desperate to marry Dean, he got a bit carried away and now they
had loads to do and no time to do it in.
Speaking to his father the night before after so many years of hostility upset
him more than he expected. Alex never really understood how hard it was for
Castiel to be away from his true mate when they bonded so young. He rushed
through a sketchy explanation, telling his dad how they were mated now and
already had a little pup. Castiel wouldn’t let anything spoil that day for them
and made it pretty clear to his father he only asked because Dean wanted him
there. Castiel wasn’t going to put up with any of his shit, so he could either
suck it up or stay away. He only spoke to him for a few minutes. Not prepared
to waste valuable time getting Alex to commit to empty promises. It still hurt
somewhere deep inside. Castiel often wondered if he ever felt sorry for what he
did to Dean. He lost out on life with a son who didn’t want anything more to do
with him as soon as he left home. Castiel never fulfilled all those dreams Alex
forced on him, probably only proud of him for joining enforcement because it
made him look good. Most of the bitterness slowly dwindled away with time and
now their world was looking brighter. Who knew one day that little pond would
be the backdrop to their wedding. Castiel still had no idea if his father would
show.
Sam stretched out his arms and pulled all the knots out his back while Castiel
was going through the list in his head, cursing under his breath like a
sailor’s parrot when he realized the damn thing was a mile long.
“Cas, calm down.” Sam yawned. “We’ve got ages yet.” That was complete bullshit
but Sam could see Castiel was in danger of having a nervous breakdown if he
couldn’t make sure everything was perfect. He had an impulsive idea during the
night while he was lying awake and staring at the ceiling. Something sweet for
Dean that would guarantee him a shed load of kudos and some really dirty sex if
he managed to pull it off.
“I gotta make a call as soon as they open.” Castiel ignored Sam’s transparent
attempt at trying to placate him and started searching the net on his cell for
a local number. “It’s a surprise for Dean… don’t know if it’ll work but I have
to try.” He added, hurrying away with a whirlwind of panic swirling in his
wake. He called over his shoulder just before the door closed behind him,
leaving Sam to crawl back to the land of the living in peace. “Meet you in town
later so we can get you a decent suit.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean couldn’t sleep either. The hours dragged by so slowly while he lay
restless and shivering. Blinking aimlessly into the shadows without Cas to hold
him in the dark. The bite was aching as if every instinct called out for his
alpha to lick the pain away. The touch of those soft kisses was like a magical
elixir that always made everything better. Sometimes he couldn’t even remember
just muddling through years of lonely nights and empty arms. Dean suddenly
jerked awake when he was trying to drop off again, disturbed by his mom pushing
a tray of food under his nose. Dean groaned and turned over. The whole idea of
breakfast just made him feel sick. He was already so emotional he didn’t know
what to do with himself, or how he was going to fill the morning without
Castiel to cuddle or a baby to feed. Dean was so anxious he couldn’t even think
about food and begged her to set the plate to one side so he didn’t have to
look at it anymore. Dean knew she was only trying to make up for three decades
in one night, but he didn’t want anything from her apart from love. Knowing she
was there to support his commitment to Castiel was more than enough, but he
still let her fuss over him for the rest of the morning anyway.
John was pulling at his collar all the way down to the pond. He couldn’t
remember when he last ironed a shirt but he wanted to make Dean proud while he
waited on the bank for his alpha just like he used to, and Mary seemed to like
it. Giving the secret location away didn’t really matter anymore. Dean felt
like the time had come to share it. Sam and Castiel were nowhere to be seen
when they got to the corner but Dean understood why they were missing when he
covered his eyes to block out the sun, gazing through the gaps between the
leaves in stunned silence. The whole glade looked like a painting from a fairy
tale. Ribbons were hanging from the branches, the path leading down to the
water strewn with flowers and Dean knew he was going to cry like a girl before
the day was out. John was staring across the meadow in amazement and wondering
how Castiel could possibly do so much in one morning, when they saw a car pull
up. He heard his son gasp in a shallow breath by his side when painful memories
surged back in on a wave of insecurity.
“Dad, let’s just go down and wait for Cas.” Dean’s soft voice sounded a little
too urgent to be meaningless.
“Hang on, Dean.” John’s attention was suddenly drawn away from the lush scenery
when he turned to see Alex Novak slowly walking towards them. “There’s
somethin' I gotta do first.” Dean let go of all his anger when Scout was born.
Knowing what it was like to be a parent taught him how important it was to move
on, but John was determined to make sure that man got what was coming to him
after he fucked with the boy’s head like that. John stormed back up the street
leaving Dean rooted to the spot and staring after him in horror. Alex knew it
was coming just before he felt the crack. John punched him so hard, the thud
carried all the way down to the water. “That’s for my son, asshole.” John
didn’t give him any time to recover. He pulled him up by his shirt and pushed
him down the slope. “Now get your sorry butt down there and don’t make them
regret inviting you.”
Mary didn’t ask any questions and might have even looked a bit impressed. That
was the closest John Winchester had ever come to the macho alpha she knew he
could never be. Dean’s mouth was hanging open. The last conversation he had
with Alex Novak left him so damaged, it was only Castiel’s limitless devotion
that managed to pull him back from the darkness. Letting his dad publicly
assault him probably wasn’t the best way to win him over but Alex never said a
word. He knew deep down it was well deserved and made his way to the pond while
he rubbed hard at his face. John nodded once at Dean when he walked past him,
adding a little wink just to make sure his boy knew that score was now settled.
They all waited patiently under the decorated archway of trees, the only sound
a gentle swell of water lapping at the bank. Dean stuttered in a breath when he
saw Castiel arrive and almost glide across the meadow. The first time he ever
made that jump without slipping. Soft petals were suddenly caught on a warm
draft of air and rained down on him like confetti. Dean could hardly speak when
he saw him, his mouth trembling around empty space while he watched him get
closer. Cas looked fucking gorgeous with the sun shining behind him, gentle
breeze caressing his hair and a single white rose set in one buttonhole. Dean
wanted to collapse in a pile of feels right there when Castiel made his way
through the clearing. The bud was pinned in place by a tiny silver dragonfly.
It matched the one around his wrist so closely they might have been made to fit
together. Sam was walking by his side looking every inch the statesman he would
one day become. John had never been more proud when he saw his two handsome
sons standing there together with a new world at their feet. Mary leaned into
him and slipped one arm through his.
“You did a fine job there, John.” She said quietly, tears already starting to
fill her eyes. “Thank you.”
Castiel gently led Dean forward and held out one arm in front of him. He asked
the officiate to use a length of ribbon to bind them together. Something just
as special as sharing their blood when they were little boys. The man threaded
the silk through their fingers and joined their hands as one. A sacred symbol
of the eternal bond that once blossomed there in that secret place under the
trees.
“Cas, I don’t know where to start.” Dean murmured, his voice breaking. “You’ve
done so much for me.” Even though they waited a lifetime to share that moment,
Dean didn’t really know what to say. He turned to face Castiel so he could look
into his eyes. “I don’t have anything to give you except my heart.”
“That’s all I want, Dean and you already gave me the most precious gift I could
ever ask for.” Castiel glanced over at Jess where Scout was sleeping peacefully
in her arms. “You make me complete, and not just because you had my baby. You
give me so much more. Every beat of my heart, the air I breathe. I promise to
love you for always.” Castiel hesitated, desperate for Dean to really
understand how deep that bled into his soul. “I would say forever, but forever
doesn’t seem like long enough.” Castiel just wanted to reach out and hold him
when he saw a single tear drop down from each eye. Dean was so overcome with
happiness he couldn’t stop them from falling. Castiel slipped one hand free
from the silken bonds so he could touch him. “Oh, sweetheart.” Castiel indulged
him. “It’s alright to cry, remember.” He reached up and swept the lines of
water from both cheeks with the end of one thumb. “Tears don’t mean you’re
weak, Dean. They mean you’re strong enough to admit you care.”
“Cas.” Dean just let them splash onto Castiel’s palm where one hand was still
resting on his face. “I’ll never be able to tell you how wonderful you make me
feel.”
“You don’t have to tell me.” Castiel smiled. “It’s always right there in your
eyes when you look at me. Never be ashamed of who you are, Dean. You’ve always
been beautiful to me.”
That was all Dean needed to finally let go of all the years of doubt and fear.
They were safe and out of harm, his eyes spilling with emotion while they
finished their vows. The clerk only just managed to get the last word out
before Dean was grabbing for Castiel’s face so he could launch himself forward
for a dangerous kiss. He didn’t even hear the hushed ripple of laughter while
everyone watched. His love for Castiel wiping away every trace of the shy
insecure omega who was hurt so deeply as a boy. Even Alex was trying to smile
through a split lip. Mary had happy tears pouring down her face and Jess kept
dabbing at her eyes. Dean only pulled his mouth away when a subtle cough
reminded him the time had come to exchange bands. He felt his heart stutter.
“Shit.” Dean stammered in panic. “I haven’t… Cas, I don’t have one.”
“Dean, it doesn’t matter.” Castiel didn’t expect it with so little time before
the ceremony. Sam stepped forward and carefully passed over a silver ring with
three flawless lines etched into the metal. Castiel held Dean steady so he
could slide it on. He kissed it with reverence before letting his hand fall. “I
know you didn’t have chance to get anything.”
“Wait.” Mary suddenly ran up to Dean, twisting at her finger so she could pull
her own ring free. John noticed she’d started wearing it again the last couple
of days but he didn’t say anything. Just seeing it on her hand gave him enough
hope to believe she still loved him. Dean hugged her before carefully slipping
it onto Castiel’s finger. They rested their heads together after the
pronouncement to the sound of spirited applause. Mary clapped the loudest while
Dean struggled to compose himself, finally drying his eyes and taking a deep
breath. He reached for Castiel’s hand and walked over to where Alex and Eden
where standing. Dean had never seen her before, but he could see where Cas got
his good looks from.
“Mr. Novak, sir.” Dean held out a shaky hand. Even after all that time it still
felt like he was being judged by those piercing eyes. He was once desperate for
Castiel’s father to like him but he always made him feel so unworthy somehow
and the fact his own dad just socked him in the jaw for being a dick definitely
wasn’t helping to calm his nerves. Dean dug deep for every scrap of courage he
had to meet that gaze, determined to show the man who once haunted his
nightmares they were always meant to be after all. “I’m really glad you came. I
wanted you to meet someone.” Alex swallowed hard when Dean beckoned Jess to
bring Scout over so Castiel’s parents could hold him for the first time. She
didn’t look very happy about having to part with him again. So many people
wanted to cuddle him, the poor little pup had been passed around like a hot
potato all morning. Castiel felt a bit guilty he hadn’t given him much
attention. On the plus side he would be out like a light later. He had some
rigorous plans for their wedding night and had no intention of letting Dean get
any sleep at all. Dean could see the emotion in Castiel’s eyes when he realized
his father was lost for words. Alex finally got it. Realizing how much he
underestimated their instinctive need to be together. Castiel knew if it was
possible to love Dean any more in that moment, he would.
“Hello, Dean.” Alex said quietly, after a long pause. Why anyone would grant
him so much forgiveness and humility after what he did was something he would
never truly understand. Dean thought he was going to heave when Castiel’s
father was standing so close to him again. Memories of the day he was changed
forever rising up inside him. Castiel squeezed his hand, their hearts entwined
so completely even such a simple gesture could make Dean feel strong. “He’s a
lovely baby. Looks just like you, Castiel.” Alex even tried to smile again, but
his cheek was still throbbing like hell. “You did good.”
“Thank you.” Castiel whispered. Having any kind of relationship with his father
again was a long way off, but his acceptance of their bond was something. A
sign he might one day treat Dean with the respect he had earned.
                                 ………. «» ……….
The boys sat outside for a long time just watching the stars until the cool air
moved in. All the guests eventually drifted away. When Alex left he seemed to
take all the bad memories with him. Dean was shy and submissive again and
Castiel was grabby and possessive. Holding him close on the bank and lavishing
his omega with so much adoration, he might have been dipped in gold. Dean knew
he would always protect and care for him and kept looking down at his ring
where it glinted in the evening light. So perfect nestled next to the little
promise band. Mary and John took Scout for the night, knowing how much they
needed to be alone now they were bonded in every sense of the word.
“S’pose we best get back to Bobby’s.” Dean sighed happily. “Might have to wait
'til he falls asleep to seal it, though.” They smiled at each other. Dean was
planning to ply him with whisky all evening so he wouldn’t have to listen to
them consummate it. Castiel had one last gift for Dean. He pulled a few strings
to get the key for the place on the corner. He hadn’t even wasted time putting
in an offer and paid the asking price without question, wanting to give Dean a
house he could make into a home while Scout was only a baby - and he was still
serious as hell about date night.
“Well, we could do that.” Castiel said slowly, milking the suspense for all it
was worth and preparing to leave him speechless when he took it out his pocket.
He dangled it in front of Dean’s face like a little silver carrot. “Or we could
spend the night at home.” Wide eyes sparkled in the moonlight. A way of
unlocking their happy home reflected in those huge pools of green. Castiel
helped Dean up and they walked up to the road hand in hand. Dean was a little
ways behind, pulling on Castiel’s fingers. He wasn’t sure if Cas was just
messing with him until he dragged his mate up the driveway and slid it into the
lock.
“Cas… how?” Dean didn’t think his fragile emotions could take any more heart-
drenching sentiments for one night, but Castiel had done everything he could to
make sure Dean had the most romantic wedding day ever.
“You’d be surprised what a shiny star can do if you ask nicely… but we’ll talk
about it later. I got a much better use for that pretty mouth, Mr. Novak.” Dean
was trying to get over how wonderful that sounded when Castiel suddenly slipped
his arms under Dean’s knees and lifted him clean off the ground.
“Cas.” Dean gasped, clinging on tight so he wouldn’t get dropped on his butt.
He didn’t protest as much as Castiel thought he would, and smiled softly to
himself before pressing their lips together. Maybe the rose petals were a bit
over the top but he would only ever get married once and his attempt at
seduction was working like a charm. Dean liked to make out he was still a hard
ass but his alpha always brought out the sensitive omega he fought to hide all
his life. Dean just let his body rest against his husband while he carried him
though the doorway into their new home and straight up to bed.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Two Little Bumps *****
78. Two Little Bumps
Dean woke up to bright sunshine streaming in through the window and a caked-up
mess Castiel left all over him the night before. He was stirred awake as soon
as the sun came up. There was no blind on the window, a bare light bulb hanging
from the ceiling and not much else. The house had been up for rent as long as
anyone could remember. Ever since Alex moved there all those years ago during
that one summer that changed them both forever. Dean smiled to himself when he
turned onto one side with a warm memory. The awkward boy with a stupid name who
once took his fishing spot was still fast asleep next to him, tangled up in
ruined sheets. They'd already settled into their first home, completely drained
from a very exhausting wedding night. Dean never dreamed he could ever be so
happy and started to think about cleaning himself up before he got to brooding
over how much he loved that idiot. It would only make him want to cry again. He
was so emotional and sensitive since they got back to Haven, Dean suspected he
had come into heat again. He didn’t say much to Cas but made damn sure they
weren’t caught up in a moment of careless passion. The result of his discretion
was now sticking to bits of his skin he didn’t even know he had. Castiel
stretched out next to him, reaching blindly for Dean with his eyes closed.
“C’mere.” He growled under his breath, grabbing for something solid so he could
drag his mate closer. Dean wriggled back under the covers but he knew he had to
pick the baby up early so Mary could go into town.
“Cas.” Dean apologized. “We can’t. I gotta go get Scout soon and I’m still
covered in you. I need to take a shower or somethin'.”
“S’probably a good thing.” Castiel murmured sleepily, slowly opening one eye.
“Not sure I have anything left.” He heaved out a deep sigh. Dean had been
completely sated by an impressive performance. “But you’ll be lucky if this
place has even got running water. It was an impulse buy.”
“Yeah, and a lot more expensive than a sleazy motel.” Dean laughed. He knew
they had to get up, but couldn’t resist one last cuddle. “Thanks, Cas. You
don’t know how much it means to me to have our own place.”
“You thanked me just fine last night.” Castiel kissed him a little too hard and
only got turned on again when he realized Dean was still bollock naked under a
very flimsy sheet. “What you reckon?” He glanced sideways. “I can be quick.”
“No.” Dean pretended to be annoyed and slapped his hand away. Scout would be
back soon and they only managed about two hours sleep between them. “You need
to wash up a bit before your pup comes home. You stink of sex.”
Dean improvised with what he could find and went to collect the baby. Mary
seemed in a suspiciously happy mood when she opened the door. She wasn’t even
dressed yet and her hair was messed up enough for Dean to guess he wasn’t the
only one who didn’t get much rest that night. He only hoped his son hadn’t been
scarred for life.
                                 ………. «» ……….
The next few weeks kept Sam so busy he hardly noticed them pass him by and
Scout was almost four months old before they got chance to visit Haven again.
Jess had been a constant presence at his side, helping him write inspirational
speeches and encouraging him every step of the way. She loved the idea of using
Dean and Cas to promote their crusade. Sam was only kidding about marking them
as poster boys for a better future but they looked so cute in the wedding
photos, it seemed like the perfect image to represent a society now united
against hatred.
Mary was so moved by Dean and Castiel’s ceremony, she invited Sam back in the
early fall to watch his parents renew their wedding vows and even asked Dean if
they could use their pond again. It really was a beautiful place and those
delicate ribbons were still dangling from the trees. Dean thought it was a
wonderful idea and Castiel got Mary a new ring to replace the one she gave away
when he took her on an insanely expensive shopping trip. It earned him the
unofficial title of best son-in-law ever and convinced her he really was as
perfect as Dean kept telling her he was.
Sam was grateful of an excuse to see Scout again, but the trip could be a sweet
opportunity to set up the Kansas branch of new enforcement patrols. Castiel had
been working hard from home. Drafting in a few experienced officers and helping
Sam get the laws changed so registered omegas could be returned to their
families. Jess hadn’t found her own mother yet but she was still hopeful and
stayed on anyway. Sam asked Castiel to head up a state conference to introduce
some of the recruits. The only mission was to issue in change and bring people
back together. The government had come to a reluctant compromise before they
had a full-scale revolution on their hands. There was too much federal support
to fuck with it and Sam’s new proposal to make the database public won him
another local election. Now he was on his way to the Senate, with Castiel
appointed as the chief officer for national omega reintegration. He promised
Sam he would give it everything he had. Castiel never forgot how much that
scraggy nine-year old had done to give them a happy ending and realize all
their dreams. The department still kept the title of CORP as a reminder so
people wouldn’t forget how much progress had been made. Sam just changed the
letter to stand for reintegration instead of registration.
Freedom wasn’t a luxury anymore - it was a right.
Jess insisted on selecting the campaign picture to be splattered all over the
promotional pamphlet. Sam could have put good money on her picking out the one
where Scout was curled up in his daddy’s arms just after Dean and Cas had tied
the knot. They wanted to show how something beautiful could come from an alpha
falling in love with an omega as an equal. The name Scout Winchester-Novak
would soon be in print across the country. Sam knew Dean took Castiel’s surname
when they got married but he was so proud of them for fighting to stay together
he just wanted to see it there in black and white. His message was simple.
Castiel had always shown Dean how an alpha should treat an omega, and the
planet hadn’t stop turning. The stars hadn’t fallen from the sky and they
looked so blissfully happy spread across the glossy page with a gorgeous little
pup nestled between them. Sam didn’t think it would take much to convince the
world co-existing maybe wasn’t so bad after all.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean was still completely in love with being married, waking up next to his Cas
every morning. He would sometimes find himself just staring at him with a
stupid grin on his face. Castiel didn’t seem to mind a bit and couldn’t help
himself from grabbing hold of Dean whenever he was close. Like he was scared
someone might pinch him one day and he would wake up. It was still so hard to
believe it was all real. He spent most of his days off work kitting out the
nursery and buying Dean anything he wanted to make him happy.
Dean knew summer was definitely on the wane for another year when the leaves
started to turn. He could just see the edge of the glade from the bedroom
window. They hadn’t been to the pond for a few weeks and he missed it, but they
would only have to wait for the morning to come so they could all go down there
together. It was the evening before Mary would make good on her promise to
renew her vows to John. Dean was stoked about seeing Sam again so he could show
him how much the pup had grown, and put the last few days of nausea down to
excitement. He felt like crap lately and never seemed to get enough sleep. He
was just bending over the crib, stroking Scout’s hair to lull him to sleep like
he always did when Castiel came up behind him.
“You’re ridiculously good at that.” He said affectionately. “Even when you’re
tired.” Dean smiled up at him. He never expected to keep their baby and now he
would give his life for that puppy.
“He’s worth it.” Dean whispered, giving his son’s cheek one last gentle caress
before he dropped off for the night. Castiel slid both arms around his
husband's waist and rested his chin on Dean’s shoulder. They were gazing down
at Scout until they were sure he was asleep when Castiel tried out something he
wanted to say since he watched that boy slide into the world.
“Dean, you know I would love to fill this house with little ones.”
“I’m sure you would.” Dean tapped him on the back of one hand. “You do two
minutes and I do nine months.”
“I’d like to think I last more than two minutes.” Castiel objected.
“Sometimes.” Dean laughed gently.
“Well that’s your fault.” Castiel cuddled into him. “You shouldn’t smell so
good.” Dean turned around to face him. Castiel suddenly looked surprisingly
serious. “What would I do if I ever lost you again?”
“You never will.” Dean calmed him, reaching up to touch the fading scars. Two
little bumps that marked him forever. “I’m yours now, Cas. No one can ever take
that away. Not even your dad.” Dean smiled. “Wonder if his face has gone down
yet.”
“Let’s hope not. He deserved to wear that for a while. At least he’s making an
effort now.” Castiel shook his head. “Mom told me he’s thinking of vetting
private schools for Scout. Some things never change.”
“Cas.” Dean nudged him. “Let it go. It’s probably his way of making up for what
he did. Wanting our pup to be in his life is a good thing.”
“I know.” Castiel sighed. “Maybe he’s trying to live out all the hopes he had
for me, but I don’t care anymore. I have all I ever wanted right here.” Castiel
squeezed Dean’s ass. There was so much love in his eyes Dean trembled in
Castiel’s arms, knees giving way a little when an unexpected wave of heat
rushed up inside him.
“Hey? You okay?” Castiel asked anxiously. Dean suddenly looked so pale and
unsteady, Castiel had to hold him up.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Dean leaned against him, clutching one hand to his belly. “I
just feel a bit sick, is all.” Castiel was watching every little expression on
his face, a tender smile slowly pulling at his mouth when a beautiful
realization suddenly struck him right in the heart.
“Dean? You don’t think... ” Castiel looked down where Dean’s palm was pressed
flat against his stomach. “Could you be?”
“What?” Dean asked quickly, pupils spreading wide in alarm when it clicked. He
mulled it over for a second, pulse thumping. “No. No, Cas. I can’t be. We’ve
been so careful since - ” His eyes darted back up when the memory of their
return to Haven hit him like a brick.
“Since I claimed you at the pond?” Castiel was still trying hard not to smile
at the thought he might have filled Dean with another pup. He bit down hard,
struggling to stop a massive grin from breaking out behind those sharp teeth.
“Shit.” Dean fell back against the wall with a bump before he dashed to the
bathroom to throw up. Castiel followed him, banging on the door and frantically
calling his name to make sure he was alright. When he eventually came back out,
Dean was shaking with emotion. Tears were running down his face.
“What’s the matter? Dean?” Castiel started panicking until he realized they
were drops of happiness. “Hang on a minute… there isn’t actually a sensitive
little omega in there somewhere, is there?”
“Maybe.” Dean flirted, the flick of his eyelashes anything but accidental when
he let Castiel paw at him with both hands. Pushing down innate responses for
over twenty years was a hard habit to break, but he was slowly letting go.
Castiel loved it when Dean was submissive. “I thought it would scare the crap
outta me if it ever happened again but it’s okay, Cas.” Dean blinked at his
mate through blurry eyes. “I’ll give you as many puppies as you want.” There
was little point in fighting against nature seeing as Castiel’s sperm seemed to
have its own targeted alpha missile system every time they got it on.
“Dean.” Castiel sprinkled his face with breathless kisses. “That would make me
so happy but only if you really want that, too.”
Dean recovered enough to let the idea settle.
“Only so you can get it on tap, you kinky son of a bitch.”
Castiel sucked in one cheek. Dean could read him so well now it was like he
could see inside his head.
“I don’t think I could ever get enough of that stuff, but it’s not just that. I
love seeing my baby inside you.” Castiel instinctively reached out to run his
fingers down Dean’s stomach. “And you’re not having this one on the floor of a
fucking repair shop.” Castiel still felt guilty about the way Scout made such
an undignified entry into the world. A special moment like that should never
have been surrounded by oily rags and the stench of diesel. “I want it to be
perfect this time, Dean. You don’t deserve anything less.”
“Let’s not get carried away, Cas.” Dean said weakly. “I might just be coming
down with something.” Castiel could always spot Dean’s crappy redirection
tactics a mile off, but he would be straight out to get a test as soon as he
was sure Dean was okay to be on his own for an hour. He still looked like
someone had zapped him with a stun gun.
“I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be.” Castiel couldn’t ignore the
taste of familiar hormones that made the back of his throat tingle with
excitement. “Dean.” Castiel touched his face so softly it felt like a downy
feather brushing against his cheek. “I do know. I can sense it.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam arrived back just in time to watch his parents renew their vows in the
morning. They got unexpectedly delayed, and Castiel made Dean promise not to
say anything about the new baby while they were waiting. He wanted to do it
right this time around. John and Mary looked so perfect together when they met
under the same arch that had been the setting for another special day only a
few weeks before. It seemed like a lifetime ago already. Jess made a determined
play for Scout when Castiel made the mistake of walking past her within
grabbing distance. He didn’t really mind. Dean went over to make sure the pup
was okay and left Cas to down champagne and talk with Sam about their plans for
the new CORP.
“You spoil that kid.” Dean smiled at her. “Don’t let them take advantage when
the next one arrives.”
“What next one?” Jess asked slowly. A sudden spark brightened her smile with
the hint there was another reason why he looked so cuddly. She thought he
seemed a bit swollen around the middle since their last visit, but put it down
to contentment since the wedding. “Are you?”
“Yeah.” Dean blushed, the memory of a little blue cross etched behind his eyes
from the night before. “We haven’t really advertised it yet. Cas is planning to
do something to break the news so don’t let on I told you.” Dean smiled at her.
Anyone could see that girl loved Scout to bits and she obviously cared very
much for Sam. “It can be our little secret, okay?”
“Dean, that’s wonderful.” Jess clasped her hands together in delight and leaned
in to kiss him on the cheek. She made an impulsive decision to share a secret
of her own and suddenly pulled him close. “Actually, there’s something I need
to talk to Sam about.” She murmured softly. “I haven’t said anything yet. I’m
not quite sure how to tell him.”
“Tell him what?” Dean frowned.
“I think I am, too.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Bonding *****
79. Bonding
Dean somehow managed to keep his mouth shut for a couple of days. Castiel
invited the whole family over for a sort of house-warming slash baby press
release. Bobby was the guest of honour. Most of the evening was spent making
small talk - discussing the progress Sam’s office had made, and how Jess was
still looking for her mom. So many registered omegas had been taken, it could
be months before they got a lead and now there was another growing reason to
find her. Dean and Jess both looked guilty as hell over dinner and Sam
definitely hadn’t imagined the meaningful little looks that passed between
them.
“Sam, hurry up.” Jess turned to him when Castiel started to clear away.
“There’s something me and Dean need to say and everyone’s waiting for you.” Sam
looked around the room with a vacant expression. His mom was petting Scout and
seemed completely oblivious to anything else. John and Bobby were chatting over
a beer like old times, and there was a culinary masterpiece in front of him
that was much too good to rush. It didn’t look like anyone gave a shit he was
still eating, but Jess was getting nervous and it made her a bit irritable.
“Just swallow it.” Jess sighed, impatiently waiting until she was sure the last
mouthful wouldn’t be a choking hazard when she told him he would soon be
joining Cas in the ranks of sleepless nights and being puked on. She held
Dean’s hand under the table, her heart thumping. Jess hadn’t expected the
announcement to be quite so public but there was little point in prolonging the
inevitable. She nudged Dean in the ribs to get him to man up and explain the
real reason why Cas had gathered them all together.
“What's really going on here, Dean? And don’t bullshit me, either.” Sam
couldn’t ignore the clandestine whisperings any longer and finally emptied his
mouth. Jess smiled at Dean with relief when he stood up, but he didn’t answer
right away. He thanked Castiel. Not just for the party, but for the house, for
Scout and for basically being the best alpha in the whole universe. Bobby was
smiling away to himself at how much that boy had changed for the better since
Castiel claimed him. Dean gently broke the news there were going to be two new
arrivals in the Winchester-Novak household. Mary finally gave her attention to
something other than the pup when the room fell silent. Sam thought at first
Dean meant he was expecting twins until he saw Jess blush. She looked up
hopefully, desperate to see if he was happy about it. Sam couldn’t manage to
say anything at all and just hugged her for a very long time.
                                 ………. «» ……….
For the next few months, Castiel was so attentive Dean could hardly move
without him mysteriously appearing with a soft cushion or a digital
thermometer. Castiel insisted Dean should spend another afternoon in bed when
he thought his face looked a bit puffy. Dean didn’t have enough energy to fight
him anymore and just let Castiel take care of him like he was in danger of
breaking into tiny pieces any second. Dean guessed the intensive round the
clock medical care was just his way of making up for missing out on so much the
first time. Castiel came back upstairs in less than an hour to make sure Dean
was okay, plumping up a pillow for good measure. Dean sighed under his breath,
pushing himself up on his hands to try and get off the bed before one of them
went stir crazy. He wasn’t quite as big as he had been with Scout that far
along, but it was uncomfortable as all hell. Boys weren’t supposed to be shaped
like that, and the weight of a squirming pup still played havoc with his bits.
“Here, sweetheart. Let me.” Castiel carefully lifted him off the bed and held
Dean’s body upright until he was sure he wouldn’t topple over.
“Fucks sake, Cas. I’m pregnant, not terminal.”
“Dean.” Castiel tutted. “Stop it. I’m supposed to look after you, 'specially
when you’re carrying my pup.”
Castiel had disappeared for most of the morning, and been unusually secretive
the last couple of days. He kept saying the pup was another boy but Dean wasn’t
so sure. It didn’t feel quite the same this time. He let Cas have the moment
anyway and didn’t ask why he was covered in blue paint.
“I hope you realize how lucky you are I got carried away when you bit me.” Dean
took in a deep breath, his neat little bump lifting up when he straightened out
his spine. “I can’t believe I forgot what this feels like.” Castiel stroked the
swollen stomach in sympathy. He played the protective alpha role to perfection
but Dean didn’t want him to think he was taking advantage. Cas seemed to want
to do it so Dean gave in, and he really did give amazing back rubs.
“I’m glad you’re up, actually. I need you to come down the pond with me. I want
to show you something.”
Dean felt much better by the time they got Scout strapped onto Castiel and
shoved a few essentials in a hamper. A gentle stroll in the fresh air soon got
rid of his backache. Castiel made Dean close his eyes as soon as they reached
the corner, helping him navigate the uneven ground when they headed down the
slope. He suddenly stopped and reached for Dean’s hand, carefully guiding him
forward. Dean could feel the rough grain of hewn wood catch under his fingers.
Castiel steadied him, one arm locked around a rapidly expanding waist when he
eventually asked him to open his eyes. Dean blinked in the sunlight, vision
clearing enough to realize Castiel had painted up their sign. It looked almost
good as new.
“Cas… you did this for me?”
“For you and the babies. I don’t ever want to forget this place, Dean. I want
our children to know I’ve loved you my whole life.”
“It’s wonderful.” Dean murmured, suddenly overwhelmed by emotion when he traced
the familiar lines he etched there all those years ago. Castiel wanted their
pups to play there when they were grown.
“I thought I could bring Scout down here when he starts walking. I don’t want
him to feel pushed out when this one arrives.” Castiel took hold of Dean’s hand
again and rested it on top of his stomach so he could feel the baby moving.
They sat on the bank for a while and let Scout lay on his tummy to see if he
could manage to roll over. Castiel was still holding his mate’s hand.
“Why do you do so much for me?” Dean asked softly. Castiel surprised him with
so many romantic ideas lately, Dean never knew what to expect next and still
struggled to believe he deserved such an amazing husband.
“I just want you to be happy, darling. Want you to enjoy being pregnant. I’m
trying to sell this as a good look for you, remember?” Castiel dared a hopeful
smile. He wanted nature to decide how many pups they were going to make.
Suppressant was a dirty word when instincts were screaming to breed his omega
every chance he got. Castiel was pretty sure they would have to build an
extension before too long.
                                 ………. «» ……….
The holidays were coming up when Sam made it home for one last visit before
Jess was too far gone to travel. Dean wanted them to share a day together and
knew exactly where she would want to go. They looked so cute standing together
by the water, both cradling their unborn babies. Sam and Cas helped them to
settle on the grass, wondering how time could have gone by so quickly. Sam was
just as protective as his friend, following a lead that came so naturally to an
alpha. It seemed to be working. Dean was a trembling mess every time his mate
touched him. It still made Sam smile.
“I can’t get over how lovely this place is, so peaceful.” Jess was rubbing the
top of her belly while she looked out across the water, trying to drop a not so
subtle hint it was about time it hosted another wedding. “You’re so lucky to
live round here, Dean. You can bring the pups down to the pond any time you
want. I can’t imagine a better place for them to play.”
“Yeah.” Dean smiled. “Me and Cas used to sneak down here when we were kids. I
know it’s not really a secret anymore, but I still love it. I’ll never leave
Haven again. I always want to stay here, raise our kids where we met. It’s got
such a special place in my heart, I can’t even explain.” He didn’t need to.
Everything he felt inside was right there in the look Castiel and Dean shared
while he stroked his bump, remembering it was where their second pup was
conceived. The way they were staring at each other was so intense, Jess was
convinced they were gonna start making out right there on the bank. “I knew
from the minute I saw you, Cas.” Dean added, like a stray thought had dropped
out his mouth when he wasn’t looking. “Right then, I knew you were the one I
would be with forever.”
“Honestly, you two.” Jess tapped Dean on the arm with a little laugh. “You’ll
make Sam blush.” She didn’t really mind. Jess and Dean had never been closer,
bonding over being pregnant together. They were just over six months along and
Dean knew he probably wouldn’t see her again until the babies were born. Sam
had to push to be elected Senator while he had the chance. His political career
was on the fast track to success and took up a massive part of his life, but
Dean wasn’t in the same world anymore. Popping out pups and lazing away sunny
days by their little pond was paradise, and no one was more surprised than him
it was all he wanted. A quiet life in the country surrounded by beautiful
memories with a boy he never thought he would see again.
“Dean?” Sam almost got an entire conversation out before he realized his
brother hadn’t heard a word he said.
“Sorry.” Dean shook his head with a smile.
“Hormones.” Castiel said flatly, passing Sam a beer without even glancing over.
Dean’s eyes flicked up. “He keeps forgetting stuff, too.”
“Cas. Right here.”
“And to have your family so close, as well.” Jess distracted him, filling in an
awkward pause. “How lovely.”
“I know.” Dean nodded, deliberately ignoring Castiel’s attempt at gestational
analysis. “Scout’s the most pampered pup in Kansas. He goes over there so
often, pretty soon they’re gonna have to start charging him rent. Mom still
thinks she has to make up for something.” Jess suddenly looked sad, turning
away so Sam couldn’t see her eyes sparkling. “What’s the matter?” Dean
whispered. Sam and Cas were suddenly blabbing on about badge design and
retirement funds. Dean was so glad he wasn’t involved in all that political
crap anymore. Making a home for Cas and filling it with their babies was more
than enough to keep him happy.
“I really want to find my mom before the little one comes.” Jess said quietly.
“Shit, sorry… 'course.” Dean could have kicked himself. “I’m sure Sam’ll do
everything he can to find her.” Dean had never been one to lay on much empathy,
but he felt bad for her. He knew better than anyone what it was like to lose
someone you love. Maybe it was just because he was so sensitive while he was
expecting, but Dean could almost sense her sadness. He gently touched her hand.
“It’s just a matter of time now that list isn’t a secret anymore. You know,
it’s so weird being here. Being safe. If someone told me a year ago I would
have everything I ever wanted, I would’ve told them to go for a psych exam.”
Jess tried to smile, but she didn’t fool him at all. Dean knew she was getting
desperate and time was ticking away. “Don’t give up. He’ll find her.” Sam was
in the middle of telling Castiel about the state of the facilities since the
laws changed. It seemed so surreal, talking about what was happening in places
far away Dean didn’t even think about now. He never questioned Cas about work,
but couldn’t resist finding out a bit more about their agenda now Jess had
fallen silent. “Is it better now?” Dean piped up. “For omegas, I mean.” The
memory of years spent trying to outrun the system had faded with time, but he
still felt a connection in his heart.
“So many alphas have come around.” Castiel said slowly, surprised Dean cared
enough to ask. “There’s a lot of conditioning there. Some of the young ones
have never known anything else, and sometimes it’s hard for people to break
free from that. You should know.” He added quietly, shifting up a bit so he
could lean into his mate. “It took me a year to get you to admit you actually
have feelings.”
“Shut up.” Dean attempted a playful slap, gradually sliding back into the boy
Castiel had fallen in love with. Dean felt safe and free, completely sheltered
from a changing world. Castiel cuddled up to him.
“Don’t worry - your secret’s safe with me.” He smiled.
“It’s going to be better for all of them one day.” Sam drew back Castiel’s
attention. “Don’t you think?”
“With enforcement? Yeah, I think so. It’s quite heart-warming to see some of
them embrace the new ideas. People I never thought would change.” Castiel
sighed when he realized how close he came to being one of them. “I’m ashamed to
say, I might have ended up bitter and twisted like that if I hadn’t found my
baby again.” He kissed Dean on the cheek just to let him know how much he meant
it.
“Cas.” Dean curled into him, letting the strong scent smother him in warm
comfort. "I'm so proud of you."
“Sam does most of the work, Dean.” Castiel admitted, never one to take credit
for someone else’s awesomeness. “I told him I would help with his run for
Congress, if that’s what he wants. I think it’s wonderful what he’s done. Not
just for us, but for everyone who had to wear those stupid tags. He might even
go down in history as the omega whisperer.”
“He deserves it.” Dean said, chest filling out with pride. “Give him a few more
years and he’ll be President.”
Castiel laughed, squeezing his arms around Dean as much as he dared to pull him
in close.
“I don’t doubt it for a second.”
They started to think about going home when the evening shadows settled. Scout
was tired and grumpy so Dean made a valiant attempt to get up, but it was an
effort. Jess held onto his elbow while Dean got his balance, never imagining he
would be grateful to have a go to for pregnancy advice. As much as he loved
Cas, an alpha would never understand how much it sucks not to be able to see
your feet for months on end. Jess slipped one arm through his while they
waddled up the street together with Sam and Cas trudging behind, arms full of
everything Dean insisted they bring for the day. Castiel was about to complain
when Dean turned to look over his shoulder with so much happiness in his eyes,
nothing really seemed that heavy anymore. Castiel would cross an ocean for one
smile, one single touch. Dean could still take his breath away when he looked
at him like that.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean went into labour the following spring. Castiel wanted him to have the pup
at home. He made Dean feel safe, happy to build a career out of fetching random
stuff every time he needed something. The baby decided it was time for a
surprise entrance a month early with no signs it was on its way until it was
too late for Cas to do anything but deliver it himself like he had Scout. Dean
hadn’t even had time to panic. Experience certainly paid off when Castiel
helped his mate deliver another healthy pup, but he wasn’t expecting what
slithered into his hands.
"Oh… it’s a little girl.” Castiel whispered in amazement. So surprised, he
couldn’t think of anything else to say and just stared at her in awe with his
mouth open. Her tiny features were so delicate, she reminded Castiel of Dean
when he was young. Silky golden hair framing rosy cheeks. Both highlighted by a
splattering of sandy dots. Castiel knew he was crying but couldn’t stop the
tears from coming when he held her. He carefully cleaned up and placed his
daughter on Dean’s chest so they could bond, and this time he embraced it. Warm
and content, cuddled up with their baby. Scout was just starting to move around
on his own and kept trying to pull himself up onto the bed to see the new
puppy. His daddy picked him up and gave him a kiss. He just wanted some
attention. Castiel leaned over to introduce Scout to his sister when he
realized they didn't have a name for her. Cas was so convinced it was going to
be another boy, they hadn’t discussed it at all. “She’s beautiful.” He sighed.
“What do you want to call her, Dean?”
“I can’t think of anything I really like, Cas. We shoulda asked Bobby.” He
added thoughtfully. “I want something special, you know. Something just for
us.” Dean was stroking the pup’s back, trying to come up with something
meaningful when Castiel had a sudden burst of inspiration.
“I was just thinking about when we made her.” He sat down next to Dean so he
could nuzzle at the baby’s cheek. “I claimed you near the tree we used to make
out under, remember?” Dean knew Castiel was talking about the huge weeping
willow that edged the bank where they used to cuddle up in the shade of thin
shadows. Cast by long tendrils of succulent leaves bending down to touch the
water.
“Yes, Cas.” Dean whispered, when the memory returned. He breathed against the
pup’s head when she snuffled into him. “That’s just what I wanted.” It was
perfect. A precious reminder of the day they made love on the grass when Dean
finally let Castiel take him as his own.
Castiel nudged Dean over a bit more now that was settled, snuggling next to his
growing family. He nestled Scout between them and let Willow weather a bit of
investigative poking before he decided to take their son downstairs for
breakfast. Castiel hung around long enough to watch the baby have her first
feed. Dean let him drool for a bit with the promise he could get his fix later
if he let them get some sleep first.
Another little Winchester came into the world when Jess gave birth to a girl
the week after. Sam wanted to name her after his mom as a token of forgiveness
but Jess wanted something unusual so they eventually settled on Maya. Sam
didn’t mind. It was close enough and he was so in love with his tiny baby,
nothing else really mattered.
                                 ………. «» ……….
***** Welcome To Paradise *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
80. Welcome To Paradise
Jess didn’t find her mom before Maya was born, but Sam finally knew where she
was. He used his contacts to make arrangements, and now it was only a matter of
time before they would be reunited. He wanted to do right by the baby and asked
Jess to marry him so they could raise their daughter together. Dean’s
unexpected domestic bliss set a precedent that was going to be hard to follow,
but Sam wanted to make it work and there was only one place they would even
think about having the wedding. Jess almost bit off his hand to accept, and now
Sam had found her mother there was no reason not to get hitched as soon as
possible. Nothing could make her more proud than being the wife of a newly
elected Senator on his way to the top.
Sam married Jess under the willow tree when Maya was a few weeks old.
The memory of their own beautiful wedding got Castiel to thinking about doing
something special for Dean now their first anniversary was coming up. Having
two small ones to look after left precious little time for quality cuddles and
his husband deserved a bit of alpha attention. Dean never complained, but
Castiel knew his life was an endless cycle of routine feeds, baths and
bedtimes. He would often come up to kiss the babies goodnight to find Dean
crashed out on the bed with a pup on each side. He would just pick Scout up and
carry him to the little attic room Castiel once called home.
The boys spent some of their special day visiting Dean’s parents. John insisted
they go through the wedding album and made them watch a run of home movies
before they left. Dean was still feeding Willow himself, but Mary happily took
Scout for the night and Castiel was pretty sure he was going to get lucky. Dean
had been over sensitive and clingy again lately, and Castiel knew the signs.
Dean never took suppressants. Castiel didn’t want him to dampen that delicious
scent. He knew exactly how to work the submissive omega when he needed to but
deep down Dean never doubted Castiel worshipped the ground he walked on. He
would never try to crush his independence or disrespect him. Castiel guessed
Dean was coming into heat again, and had been completely serious about wanting
to fill their house with puppies. They were still being careful. Dean was run
ragged looking after two babies, but there was no harm in getting some practice
in for pup number three. Dean suspected part of Castiel wanted a constant
supply of omega milk to satisfy him when his kink kicked in. He knew Dean would
never want to move and they were going to need more space eventually. Maybe it
was time to start thinking about putting a couple of spare bedrooms on the
back, just in case.
Castiel waited until they got home to give Dean his gift. The product of a
little burst of inspiration when he was trying to pick something out to show
his mate how much he loved him. How grateful he was they had the chance to
spend the rest of their lives together. His imagination was running on overtime
when he ordered a present that would really mean something. Castiel wanted to
wait until they were alone, so he gave Dean a bit of time to bath Willow. He
was yawning all the way downstairs.
“Don’t think she’s gonna be out for long, Cas. She didn’t want to feed.”
“Here.”
“What’s that?” Dean asked suspiciously, eyeing up the elaborately packaged box
designed to sweeten the kitty. He suddenly stopped on the bottom step when
Castiel held it out towards him with a smile.
“I got this made a while ago but I wanted to wait for today to give you it.”
Dean blinked at him. He didn’t really expect anything. Castiel had to push it
into his hand to encourage him to take it.
“Cas, you didn’t have to buy me anything.” Dean murmured. “I got you. That’s
all I want.”
Castiel laughed, hoping Dean wasn’t too tired for them to celebrate their first
anniversary in style.
“Keep talking like that Mr. Novak, and I’ll let you seduce me.”
“Yeah, like you need some help with that.” Castiel never missed an opportunity
to get his mate naked. The sentimental gesture in his hand was likely to get
him some decent sex, but he wanted to soften him up a bit first. Dean probably
wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he loved it when Cas was romantic.
“Come on, sweetheart… open it.” Castiel stroked Dean’s fingers while he
carefully unwrapped it, exhaling a little breath when the paper fell away.
Dean’s dog-tags and Castiel’s silver star had been set together side by side in
a little glass box. Dean blinked the water from his eyes while he traced every
letter with his finger. He read the inscription out loud so Cas would
understand how a few simple words could mean so much.
“For my heart. Never forget.”
Dean was just staring at it, decades of emotion all brought together in those
five little words.
“You like it?” Castiel asked hopefully. Dean suddenly threw himself forward and
hugged Castiel so tight he had to hold his breath.
“Cas… it’s beautiful.” Dean whispered, finally pulling away with tears
cascading down his cheeks. He couldn’t have asked for anything better to
remember how much they had gone through to find their own little corner of
paradise. “I don’t know what to say. How to thank you.”
“I know how you can thank me.” Castiel dipped his head, trying to catch Dean’s
gaze while he dried his face.
“Do you ever stop?” Dean smiled through his tears. “Thank you, babe. I love it.
Looks like I’m gonna have to improvise on your present then.”
“Is it what I hope it is?”
“Maybe.” Dean said slowly, reaching for Castiel’s waist to pull him in for a
smooch. They only just started making out when they heard Willow stirring
again. “After I feed the baby.” Dean gave his alpha a deep kiss, suggestive
enough to keep Castiel going until the pup fell back to sleep. “Don’t worry,
I’ll make sure she leaves some for you.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
Kansas summertime that year was welcomed in by sunny mornings and clear skies.
Dean got into the habit of taking the children down the street to play by the
water when Cas needed a bit of peace and quiet to work on new proposals for
Sam. They loved it there, and it never failed to wear them out.
Castiel finished up early one evening and decided to surprise Dean by meeting
him by the pond, guessing he might be grateful for some supper and a bit of
adult company. He found him sitting by their sign. Scout was balanced on his
knee, and Dean was helping guide a chubby finger around the painted lines. Two
timeless blue dragonflies, their vivid colour so striking in the soft light.
Castiel ran down the bank, and plonked his butt next to his mate. He never felt
so happy. So free. They lay side by side on their backs and watched the
drifting clouds move overhead like they used to. Scout was crawling all over
them, pulling in handfuls of Castiel’s face every time he gave Dean too much
attention. He played with the baby while they waited for the sun to set. Scout
eventually fell asleep on his daddy’s chest. Willow was catnapping in the
stroller, eyes already closed. Dean tucked her in tight while Castiel opened
the bottle of wine he deliberately slipped into the hamper.
“You spoil me, you know.”
“I know.” Castiel tipped his head back and breathed in the fresh evening air.
“You’re worth it.” Dean snuggled against him.
“Love you so much, Cas.” Dean didn’t say it very often but when he did there
was always enough emotion in it to let Castiel know he meant it with every
breath in his body. Dean couldn’t seem to get close enough, craving the warmth
of his alpha. His salvation. “I don’t think I could ever get tired of this.”
Dean sighed. “I was lost without you for so long.”
“None of it matters anymore, Dean.” Castiel placed a gentle kiss in his hair.
“There’s nothing to be scared of now. I’ll never let you go.” He felt Dean
snuffle against his side. Castiel hushed him, wrapping a protective arm around
his shoulders. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.”
Dean cuddled up to his mate while the dusk slowly crept in, holding hands while
they watched the sunset fall over dragonfly pond.
                                 ………. «» ……….
                                        
                                                                               
       [ photo Ep.-Web_zpsvml7gu77.gif]
                                 ………. «» ……….
Sam Winchester was one of the youngest presidential candidates the country had
ever seen, and made a hell of a name for himself in Washington. A spokesperson
for omega rights, whose childhood dreams to make things better stayed with him
all the way to his shot at the Whitehouse. Dean long suspected his brother
would climb his ass to the top some day. He was so proud of him, Dean told
anyone who was prepared to listen. Jess was still as supportive as ever. An
expert at juggling motherhood and keeping Sam’s office tidy, but they never had
any more children. The campaign took up so much time. They had come a long way
since the inspirational speech that brought them together, but she still looked
at Sam just like she had the moment they met. He never expected to have a
family of his own, and Maya made him smile every day. She stayed in Haven a lot
when school was out. Mary and John were fantastic with all their grand-babies,
and more than made up for past mistakes. Maya would go over to see Willow for a
sleepover and the girls got so close they were more like sisters.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Dean and Castiel were spending another quiet evening at home, just taking
comfort from each other’s company. Cas could afford to take a few days off
every once in a while. Sam never asked him to go far now he had five pups to
look after and Dean loved it when he was home. He was busy making a bit of
supper with the latest Novak puppy attached to one hip. Castiel was supposed to
be reading through some paperwork but was far too distracted by his husband to
focus on what he was doing, happy just to secure some of Dean’s attention by
making idle conversation.
“Saw Bobby today.” Castiel offered. “He was asking how Sam was getting on. Told
him he was gonna be President one day and he thought I was messing with him.
Told me to take more water with it.” He shook his head with a fond smile.
“Can’t believe that old man’s still going strong. I’m sure he’s immortal.”
Dean kissed the baby and set her down so she could play.
“Nah.” He laughed. “Just preserved from the inside out.”
“I don’t think we could have picked a better godparent for our children.”
Castiel added. Bobby accepted that particular honour for the fifth time in a
row when Poppy was born. Dean really wanted him to know just how much they
valued him. Castiel smiled down at his youngest daughter. She was looking up at
him through big green eyes, giggling when he pulled a face. “He taught Scout
how to strip an engine down last week.” Bobby still loved that kid to pieces
and let him work there on the weekends for a bit of extra allowance. Dean and
Castiel visited the shop often, never forgetting the debt they owed him. “I’ll
always remember how much he did for us.” Dean was about to agree when Scout
came crashing through the back door, both hands caked in mud. Dean only just
managed to steer him around his baby sister before he skidded to a halt.
“Sorry.” He tried to edge past Dean to get into the refrigerator. “Just came
back to get a drink.” He was out of breath and jumping up and down to let them
know he was in a hurry. “I need two.”
“Why?”
“Nothing… I’m just really thirsty.”
“Scout.” Castiel warned. He always tried to raise their kids to be honest, and
the lad caved before his father gave him the chance to tell another lie. Scout
could never resist that piercing blue gaze any more than Dean could. He sighed
in defeat.
“There’s this boy just moved in up the street and he keeps coming down my pond.
I asked him to go away but he just ignored me.”
“It’s not your pond, baby.” Dean said gently.
“Yes it is.” Scout was pouting at Dean in defiance. “Daddy said it was his
special place.”
“So I did.” Castiel eventually looked up from his papers. Dean’s eyes were
begging for some help to sort out the attitude. Castiel just winked at him.
“But I didn’t mean it like that, Scout. It’s special to me and Papa, but it’s
not really ours. We used to play down there when we were your age. That’s all I
meant.”
“But that was centuries ago. You’re ancient.”
Castiel might be a bit grey around the temples nowadays, but that was a bit
harsh - even for a teenager.
“Thanks.”
“I used to love it down there.” Dean said absently, smiling softly to himself
at the memory until he saw Castiel’s mouth dip down. Dean could tell he was a
bit offended, and wanted him to know he actually kinda liked the mature look.
There was something deeply seductive about a virile alpha that made him want to
run his fingers through it when they were cuddling in bed. “That’s where we
first kissed, remember?”
“'Course I do.” Castiel soon forgot he was insulted and pushed his work aside,
suddenly drawn over to his mate. He slid both arms behind Dean’s back and gave
him a quick jerk so their hips were touching. “I remember every second I’ve
ever spent with you.” Castiel still knew exactly what to say to make Dean’s
stomach flutter. He leaned in even more, taking the chance to reach down and
make a grab for his butt.
“Cas, not in front of the kids.” Dean murmured against his cheek. He had no
control over his body when he could smell Castiel so close, and squirmed
beneath his fingertips.
“Oh, hush.” Castiel nuzzled at Dean’s neck. “If they’re not used to it by now,
they never will be.”
Dean glanced over Castiel’s shoulder just to check they weren’t dishing out
enough psychological damage to corrupt the poor boy for life.
“It’s fine.” Scout dismissed it without a second thought. He was still so much
like Cas, it was uncanny. “You’re always kissing when you think I’m not
looking. It’s gross.”
“Hey. I happen to like it so watch it, mister.” Castiel pretended to chase him
round the kitchen with so much enthusiasm, he almost tripped over the baby.
“Cas.” Dean tried to pull him back. “Be careful.” Dean glared at him and moved
the pup to safety. “You’re a terrible influence.” Dean was cut short when
Castiel growled and went after his mate instead, wrapping him up in a bear hug
and playfully nipping at his neck.
“Only on you.” Castiel held him down and let both hands wander. Dean’s eyes
glazed over while he was pinned by his alpha. Castiel only pulled away when he
heard Scout sigh behind him.
“I’m going back down the pond 'fore I get sick.”
“Just a minute.” Castiel reluctantly let Dean go. “Tell me about this boy.”
“Why?” Scout seemed a little too defensive for it to mean nothing. Castiel’s
instincts told him there was something strangely familiar about the way his
son’s eyes shone when he mentioned it.
“Just interested.”
“Nothing to tell.” Scout sniffed and turned his face away, but Castiel could
see the boy’s cheeks start to colour up. “He doesn’t talk much, but I got no
one else to play with 'cept Willow and I’m not hanging out with a girl.” Scout
tutted, like spending any time with his sister at all was worse than hacking
off a limb. “Don’t know if I like him taking my fishing spot though, and he
smells weird.” Castiel and Dean exchanged a nervous glance.
“Like what?” His father asked slowly.
Scout just shrugged. He never really thought about it.
“Dunno… kinda sweet.” He was thinking hard to try and come up with something it
reminded him of. “Like honey. I don’t think anyone else can smell it.”
“Tell you what, buddy.” Castiel rested one hand on Scout’s shoulder and sat
back on his heels so their eyes were almost level. “Why don’t you go see if he
wants to come over for dinner tomorrow. Maybe he just needs a friend.”
Dean was still blown away by how wonderful Castiel was with their children.
They would both be damned if they would ever stand in the way of a true bond.
Years of heartache and a lifetime of experience had taught them you can’t help
who you fall in love with. Some things were just meant to be and the world was
a much better place now for alphas and omegas to be together. Castiel couldn’t
imagine making it through a single day without waking up next to his mate. He
would never be able to explain how happy Dean made him, but he still told him
every morning anyway. Even after for so many years together.
“'Kay, thanks.” Scout mumbled. Castiel coughed deliberately before he even made
it to the door, just as a subtle reminder he'd forgotten something. He ran back
and pecked his father on the cheek. “Sorry, Daddy. Love you.”
“That’s better.” Castiel smiled down at his son. “Now go on. Don’t wanna keep
your friend waiting.”
The pups were so lucky to have such a beautiful place to play. An urban oasis
hidden away behind the trees. Dragonfly pond always seemed like their own
secret hideaway, completely separate from the rest of the world. Castiel once
felt like nothing else existed when they were down there together. Scout
skipped off to find the strange boy by the water, struggling to identify all
the natural instincts no one explained to Castiel when he was close to
presenting.
Castiel slid right up to Dean’s body as soon as Scout disappeared and the
youngest was too busy playing to notice them making out. He pushed one knee
between those beautiful bow legs so he could get even closer and cradled his
waist.
“Cas, you don’t think?” Dean was still staring blankly at the space where Scout
had been standing a few seconds before. He knew exactly what it was like to
feel the pull of a true mate. They always understood there was something
eternal between them.
“Maybe.” Castiel smiled. “We knew. Even then, we knew. I thought it was a
pretty safe bet he was gonna be an alpha.” He added, fighting the distraction
of a very pliant omega while the baby was still awake. “Looked just like me
from the second he popped out.”
“Popped out?” Dean could have slapped him. He vividly recalled it being the
most excruciating experience of his life. It got easier by the time they had
the last one, but Dean suspected he wasn’t done yet. Castiel was still
insatiable, and wasn’t always as careful as he should be. Dean was fairly
certain not all of his slip-ups were on accident.
“Just 'cause you did it so perfectly, sweetheart.”
“Again. Perspective, Cas.” Dean smiled and let it go. Castiel always knew just
what to say, and would never understand what it was like to birth a baby. Dean
didn’t really mind. Seeing the tears of joy on his husband’s face every time a
new little Novak pup arrived was more than enough reward. Castiel suddenly held
on to Dean’s body like he was still scared how their lives might have turned
out if fate and Sam hadn’t intervened.
“God, I love you.” He kissed his mate so softly, he could still make Dean’s
breath catch in his throat.
“Love you right back.” Dean whispered.
“Think we should start saving up for the wedding now?” Castiel suddenly
laughed, all the old fears melting seamlessly away to memory when he sucked a
line of sensual kisses all the way down Dean’s neck.
“Hmm. Well, you can explain it all to him when you think he’s ready.”
“I knew you’d say that.” Castiel murmured, lost in an erotic daydream now his
omega was wriggling in his hands. “Dean, put the baby to bed. You know your
mom’s coming to take the boys for the night and Scout won’t be back 'til it
gets dark.” Castiel was breathing hard against his skin, licking at the pale
scars where he once took Dean as his own. His desire never faded like the
marks. Whenever they made love it still felt just like the first time.
“Cas. It’s like seven-thirty.”
“Well? If I’m going to be accused of being a bad influence, I might as well
live up to it.” Castiel gave Dean a passionate kiss. “Hurry up.”
                                 ………. «» ……….
By the time Scout reached the clearing, Harley was sitting by the water and
mindlessly chewing through a piece of bluegrass. He watched him silently for a
few seconds until the other boy seemed to sense him, and turned to look over
one shoulder. Scout thrust a bottle of soda in his face and sat down next to
him on the bank.
“Thought you were going home.” Scout pretended he was still pissed about
someone crashing his space, but there was just something about the new kid that
made the young alpha want him to stay a little longer.
“I was, but I like it here.”
“Yeah.” Scout grinned at him, unable to resist a bit of sarcasm. There was no
way he was gonna sound like a pussy and admit it was his favourite place in the
world. “Welcome to paradise.” The other boy just stared right back, scooting a
bit closer so their thighs were almost touching.
“What’s it really called? This place?”
Scout suddenly pulled Harley up and dragged him over to the edge of the water.
He pointed at the wooden sign. More than a decade had passed since Castiel
painted it up for Dean when the pups were still babies. It was weathered a
little by time and thick reeds now covered the bottom of both posts. “My dad
said Papa made it for him when they were kids.”
“Dragonfly pond.” Harley read slowly, intonating every letter now he had the
other boy’s attention. “It’s perfect.”
“Yes it is.” Scout smiled.
They poked about in the shallows looking for frogs until it started to get
dark. Scout knew he had to get home before his dad came looking.
“Hey, Scout?” Harley suddenly called him back. “You think maybe we could meet
down here tomorrow?”
“S’pose, if I’m not too busy.” Scout added quickly, trying to ignore how
desperate he must have sounded. He was scuffing up the dirt with one foot, both
hands stuffed in his pockets. Harley was watching him closely, dying sunlight
framing his face with a subtle glow. He really wasn’t so bad once they got
talking, and Scout couldn’t help but feel a little bud of warmth open up inside
him when his friend seemed to hang on every word he said. “Sure.” Scout added,
daring a little smile when Harley glanced back up. “I’d like that.” He never
noticed the boy had such beautiful eyes. “I think I’d like that very much.”
Harley looked so lost just standing there on his own in the middle of the
glade, Scout held out one hand and let him slip their little fingers together
before they walked back across the meadow.
                                 ………. «» ……….
Chapter End Notes
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