Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/9095443.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Eyewitness_(US_TV)
  Relationship:
      Philip_Shea/Lukas_Waldenbeck
  Character:
      Philip_Shea, Lukas_Waldenbeck, Rose_(Eyewitness), Helen_Torrance, Gabe
      Caldwell, Bo_Waldenbeck
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-12-28 Completed: 2017-01-17 Chapters: 5/5 Words: 9199
****** Down that Long Dirt Road ******
by AnUnerringMuse
Summary
     Down that Long Dirt Road, there's a life that seems so out of reach,
     yet we run for it. We ride for it on motocross bikes.
     In the aftermath of the Cabin Murders and the death of Agent Kane, a
     new life emerges for star-crossed lovers Philip Shea and Lukas
     Waldenbeck, in the small town of Tivoli.
     This new life, this new adventure, starts one month after, at an end
     of year party located at their High School: Red Hook.
Notes
     Rated E for smut, eventually.
***** Chapter 1: One Month Later *****
They hadn’t gone more than half a mile when the bike started. It was hard to
say, in that moment, who was more relieved. Philip because he didn’t think he
could have run the 6 miles to Red Hook High School. Lukas, because his bike
wasn’t completely trashed yet. With elated joy, the two boys put their helmets
on their heads, and hopped on the bike. As they sped off down the road, Philip
yearned, for once, to not be wearing a helmet. To feel the wind blow through
his hair, as though it was his mother running her fingers through those brown
strands.

For the first time since he’d arrived in Tivoli, Philip felt free. Unafraid to
be himself. School had always been horrible for him here. Being a foster kid
had its own trials and tribulations. Being the different kid. The kid with the
junkie mom and the absentee dad, who was somehow different, though they
couldn’t figure out why. If Lukas’ dream was any indication, the school would
know what it was tonight. And it wasn’t something the Lukas had taken lightly,
Philip knew. But the events, only one month ago, had altered the both of them,
perhaps irrevocably. In ways that were still becoming evident to them, and
everyone around them.

Philip had remembered the first time he’d gone over to Lukas’ house after the
investigation ended. How Bo looked at him differently, as if he were sorry for
the way he’d acted before. Yet, when the truth came out, about the murders,
about the gun, about all of it, Bo had apologized to him. Said that he’d never
meant to come across as homophobic, or that he’d never believed him. Philip was
understanding, of course, if not wary around Bo all the more. Maybe it was
because of his past in Foster Care that he wasn’t too trusting. Maybe he’d
never trust again. The sound of the engine dying made him snap back to where he
was. Before him, the school loomed, and lights streamed through the windows of
the cafeteria. Administration thought it would be a good idea to have an end of
the year party, to make light the events of the year past.

Philip entered first, sliding his hands into his pockets as he wandered to the
wall. One of the things he always did, loitering around, making sure that he
wasn’t too well known. Better to be a Wallflower, someone who didn’t make a lot
of friends. He knew all too well that Tivoli, New York may not have been the
last place. Hadn’t even been the first. He let the sounds of the music and the
dancing wash over him. The rap music, the smell of non-alcoholic punch
perforating the cavernous room. It made him homesick for a place that didn’t
exist anymore. When Lukas entered the hall in his normal fashion, it was as
though that action alone brought everything to a standstill. At least, to
Philip, it did. He was aware of everyone else moving about, dancing and
grinding to the music. But all of that seemed so horridly unimportant, compared
to the splendor that was Lukas.

He pushed himself off of the wall and began to walk and push his way through
the crowd. He grabbed a solo cup full of punch, and moved on as best he could,
ignoring the looks from the fellow students. Some were, and had always been, a
little more understanding of Philip. The vast majority of the student
population, however, simply couldn’t wrap their heads around why he was so
different. He took a seat next to, of all people, Rose. She wasn’t concerned
with being seen with Philip anymore. Hadn’t been since Lukas had been shot.
“You look bored out of your mind.” Rose said, turning to face him. It wasn’t an
accusation, more of a simple observational statement.
Philip let a soft smile cross his lips. “Bored is an understatement. I don’t
think anything can liven this party up. I don’t think that the principal
thought this through…that the end of the year party would help us move on?”
Rose nodded, and Philip sighed before continuing. “Tommy and Tracy, Lukas
getting shot? The murders? You don’t just get over that with a party or an
overnight meeting with counselor.”
“I get that. Was a sad way of trying to lighten up their deaths.” Rose replied,
before glancing up. “Looks like you have company, Philip.”
She stood up, gave Lukas a small smile, and strolled off into the throngs of
people. Philip, meanwhile, turned his attention back to Lukas. The way his hair
fell with ease, a stark contrast to his own hair, carefully styled. It had been
an unspoken rule between the two of them that they never talked at school. As
with so much, it had all started to change after the murders, after the climax
of their kidnapping. The news that Philip and Lukas had been kidnapped made the
rounds in Tivoli, Poughkeepsie, and Red Hook. All of Dutchess county knew.
Questions emerged as to why they had been taken, and Lukas set the record
straight, or as straight as could possibly have happened. That Philip had been
recording Lukas’ jumps, and that, in the process of editing the filming out at
Bo’s cabin, they had witnessed the triple homicide. To their surprise, the
story took. It was plausible that Philip was helping him, and only that.

Lukas took a seat next to him, before flashing Rose a well meaning smile.
Philip was only all too happy that things had ended well between them. They had
all started hanging out, after the kidnapping. Bringing Philip into their
circle of friends. An odd turn of events, to be sure.
“Is the punch good?” Lukas asked, his tone suggesting that, even though they
had both just arrived, he was bored as well. The one thing about Lukas, Philip
was quick to notice, was that he sucked at small talk, especially when he was
anxious.
“It’s punch, Lukas. I don’t think anyone, save a four year old, would describe
it as good.” Philip retorted, rolling his eyes before taking a sip of the sweet
and sticky red liquid. “But the four year old in me says that the punch is
good, by the way.”
They both let out a hearty laugh, one of many that they had shared over the
past few months. Yet, Philip was still ever so slightly troubled. “What else
happened in your dream? Aside from this sad version of a party?”
“You know damn well what else happened.” Lukas said, shooting the male a well-
meaning smirk, “I mean, it isn’t every day the most popular guy in school is
going to kiss you in front of the entire student body, is it?”
Philip rolled his eyes, before taking another lazy sip of his punch. “Still
really skeptical that your so-called Deja-Vu is going to happen.”
“Now now, is that any way to think? That your boyfriend isn’t going to kiss
ya?” Lukas asked, moving to stand up suddenly.
That, of course, startled Philip, who was unused to, at times, sudden
movements. It brought back memories of his mother’s boyfriend that he’d rather
stay hidden, forever. And as his mother’s face floated into the forefront of
his mind, he felt that heartache for a life he knew would never happen. He
remembered, ever so briefly, the first night after the shooter had been shot.
How Helen had sat him down after they had given their statements to the
authorities. Helen had told him that his mother, Anne, was dead. And it was as
if his whole world shattered around him. And how it seemed as if the spiraling
pit of depression that seemed to suck him in was there, and all he needed was a
simple shove.
“Philip, you okay?” Lukas’ voice cut through the wave of emotion that
threatened to swallow him.
He could only nod, before he saw that Lukas had extended a hand out. Knowing
that if he didn’t take it, Lukas would, quite literally, drag him to his feet,
Philip obediently put his hand into Lukas’ and rose. As they strode into the
crowd, he was briefly, keenly, aware of eyes, of whispers of surprise, shock.
Even some looks of indifference. Then, suddenly, Lukas had his arms around him,
and they were moving.
This has to be a dream. Philip thought, as the music seemed to guide their
every movement. Where Lukas’ hands rested, one on the small of his back, the
other on his shoulder, there was a warmth, not of the human body, but of the
kind you get when it’s someone, something, truly special. The lingering warmth
of someone you care about. Gabe had once described it as your stomach hurting,
as though there were butterflies. Yet Philip had always notice the warmth. The
lingering sensation of where your loved ones fingers had been. He saw eyes on
them, and felt the heat of blood rise in his cheeks. He looked up at Lukas, a
twinge of fear in his eyes. People are watching! He wanted to say, as he felt
the adrenaline rush into his system. Wanting to leave it all. His lips parted,
ready to tell Lukas that he didn’t have to do this.
And then Lukas’ lips were against his own, soft and sweet and gentle, and
Philip’s eyes shut, letting himself feel rather than think.. It reminded him of
their hundreds of secret kisses. No urgency or lust behind them; only passion
and genuine caring. Lukas’ lips were soft against his own slightly chapped
ones. Yet, just as suddenly as it had happened, Lukas had pulled away, to gaze
at a dazed Philip with those warm, inviting blue eyes. His peripheral vision
was full of people staring at them. And for once, Lukas didn’t seem to care.
More whispers, and behind Lukas, standing at the fringes of the crowd, Rose.
There was no semblance of hurt upon her face. In its place was a small smile,
genuine, from the looks of it. His gaze focused back on Lukas, who had a smug
look on his face.
“Told you it was deja-vu, Philip. I knew it would come true.” He said, before
pulling Philip close again, to finish their dance.
***** Chapter 2: The Caldwell Barn Loft *****
Chapter Notes
     This little snippet at the end is my first attempt at trying to write
     anything close to the smut that'll follow in a later chapter. Bear
     with me on this, y'all.
“Do you remember when we first met?” His voice was soft, relaxed. His brown
eyes looked upward, at the sharp lines of Lukas’ face. His chest rose and fell
in a steady motion, seemingly in time with Lukas’ own breath. The prickly feel
of hay pressed at his clothed back, and he wondered if the boy beside him felt
it too.

The sun had long since set, and the party at Red Hook had ended merely two
hours ago; and that first, sweet kiss had been the first of many shared between
their arrival and their departure from Red Hook. Some had jeered at the two,
gone so far as to be outright hostile. However, as Rose had said, some of the
shock had worn off, especially in Lukas’ tight-knit group of friends. To
Philip’s surprise, that same tight-knit group of friends loosened enough to
allow him in. Anything for Lukas and his new Boyfriend, eh? When they had left
the party, neither wanted to go home, nor go to any of the other parties around
the county. The only acceptable thing to do, then, aside from the obvious
choice of sex, was to simply hang out. Which led to the two boys cuddled
against one another in the Caldwell Barn Loft. Lukas’ left arm draped casually
around Philip’s shoulders; Philip’s head resting comfortably on Lukas’
shoulders. Philip was ever so slightly aware of Lukas rubbing circles on his
arm. He was as calm as he had been in who knew how many weeks? To him, this was
the intimacy he craved, more so than sex. Perhaps it was due to his own past.
The sound of Lukas answering made his own thoughts die.
“How can I not remember?” He said, the tone he used one of fondness. “You
must’ve been at Red Hook a few days, I think. I’d already spotted you. I was
doing a little bit of maintenance on my bike when you came up.” He stopped
here, only to chuckle. “You had the most anxious look on your face, Philip.
When you finally got there, I couldn’t tell if you were looking at me or the
bike, but I think that now, it’s pretty damn obvious. Do you remember what your
first words were to me?” Leave it to Lukas to change the subject so suddenly.
“I think it was something along the lines of ‘Nice bike! You’re into BMX?’
Which made me look like an absolute idiot.” Philip retorted, as he shot Lukas a
glance. Thank god there was a general lack of light, because he could feel the
heat of a blush on his cheeks. “You them responded with, and I quote,
‘Motocross, actually. This one’s got a motor.”
Lukas chuckled, before shifting his weight ever so slightly. “I guess I knew
you weren’t really into motocross. But I needed a reason to keep hanging out
with you. It’s why I talked about jumps and how I needed someone else to film
me. Tommy was always so uninterested, Rose didn’t know how to properly do it.
Figure I’d give you a chance.” Yet, even he knew that the way it was said was,
in a sense, as though Philip was his last resort. “I dunno why I was drawn to
you. I mean, I knew I wasn’t as interested in girls as the other guys. You hear
about guys getting laid when they’re fourteen, and here I was, 16, popular,
able to date any girl I wanted…and I was still interested in the new boy with a
mysterious past.”
“Not so mysterious now, huh?” Philip asked, as he let his eyes close, stifling
a yawn. “I mean, druggie mom with a druggie ex-boyfriend? New to Tivoli as a
foster kid, no less. I wanted to have a fresh start here but that’s really hard
to do.” And that was the hard truth.
Lukas, however, raised a brow. “How’s it hard? Fresh starts seem to be why
everyone comes out here. Helen came out here and found a fresh start.”
“I was 15, Lukas. No parents I could call on, save Gabe and, at times, Helen. I
was scared and alone. And to top it off, I was gay. In the city, it isn’t a big
deal. You saw that. I…I was lucky to even find a gay person out here…let alone
a gay teenager like me.” Philip said, suddenly shifting to lay on his side, one
arm draped across Lukas’ chest, his head resting in the crook of Lukas’ arm. “I
felt so odd, going up to you that day. I didn’t think you were gay. I just
wanted to be around you. Maybe one day, blow you. But…I had no idea.”
“You wanted to blow me, even though you knew I was straight?” Lukas
interjected, looking down at Philip with wide eyes. “Why?”
Philip only laughed. “Look, straight guys eventually get horny enough that a
guy works. Saw it enough times in New York.”
“You ever…blow a guy?” Lukas asked, raising a brow. Yet Philip still had his
eyes closed.
Philip shook his head. “Nope. And it ain’t happening tonight.” A laugh escaped
his lips at that. “I wanna stay here…with you.”
Lukas could feel the smile tug at his lips. “Are we going to bed already? In a
hay-filled loft?” He asked the brunette, as he tried to make himself
comfortable.
“Don’t judge. I saw it in a movie once.” Philip retorted, before letting out a
soft laugh. Lukas echoed the laugh with one of his own, and let his own heavily
lidded eyes close.
The darkness of the night, with just a sliver of the moon in the firmament,
seemed to form a blanket over Tivoli, over the barn, and over the two teenaged
boys, nestled in the hay-filled loft. Sleep came all too easily to those two
teenaged boys, curled up against one another as only star-crossed lovers could
be. Two halves of a whole, nestled under a blanket of stars.
~~~
“Boys, wake up.” Helen’s voice cut through the fog of sleep that plagued both
boys. Philip was aware first of a yawn escaping his lips, and shortly
thereafter, a groan of annoyance from Lukas. His eyes cracked open to find
Helen dressed in her Sheriff’s uniform; and her face was one of guilty
amusement. “Go shower, Gabe made breakfast for the two of you.”
Lukas sat up, as if he had suddenly realized exactly where he was and who he
was with. “This…is exactly what it looks like, Sheriff Torrance.” He said, as a
sheepish smile crossed his lips. Philip moved to sit up, ignoring the twinge of
pain that came from sleeping on a wooden floor, in a rickety barn, followed
quickly by Lukas, who was up in no time. “I call the shower first, Philip.”
Then, without so much as a kiss, he was down the steps of the loft and out of
the barn.
As Philip stood up, he glanced at Helen with an apologetic smile upon his face.
Helen didn’t exactly return it with one of her own. Philip, knowing he was in
trouble, sighed, and moved to sit instead on the hay bale behind him. “We
didn’t actually mean to fall asleep here. We got home from the party, and we
wanted to just…be alone is all. One thing led to another and we just fell
asleep here.”
“That’s not what I’m mad about, Philip.” Helen said, as she adopted a more
casual stand than the tough officer one she’d had. “You said you’d call if you
were going to be home late. The barn doesn’t exactly count as home.” Now, for
the first time, Philip saw the worry etched all over Helen’s face.
“I’m literally one dirt path from the house, Helen. I figured you wouldn’t mind
considering you still track my phone is all. It…it really isn’t that big of a
deal, is it?”
“It is a big deal Philip!” Helen said, her voice rising ever so slightly; just
enough for Philip to feel the fear begin to rise. “I…I actually haven’t tracked
your phone in a few weeks.” She sighed then, allowing those moss green eyes to
close ever so briefly. “I’m sorry if I’m being an overbearing parent. I’m just
still on edge about everything that happened. The upcoming hearing with the
F.B.I. has me running in circles; especially because you and Lukas have to give
statements. Child Services is up my ass as to how this happened.”
The last comment made Philip look up, frowning ever so softly. “I already
explained to the caseworker why I lied about being at the cabin. Are you saying
they’ll take me away from here?” There was obvious tension now, in his voice.
“I’ve already made my life here. I…I have Lukas, and friends at school! I don’t
want them to uproot my life again! They did it in New York, they did it in
Poughkeepsie! I’m not just a sack of flour they can haul from place to place!”
Helen had moved to kneel in front of Philip, and she instinctively took his
hands in hers. “Philip, Philip! They aren’t going to take you away. They’ve
already told me as much. They just need to review everything.” She spoke in as
much a comforting tone as she could, upon seeing how the boy’s eyes widened and
how he instantly seemed to withdraw into himself. “You’re here to stay, Philip.
Now go get some breakfast, or use our shower first. I’ve got to get to work.
And you’ve got some work to do, setting up that Darkroom.”
Then, Helen was gone, climbing down the ladder that led to the ground, and
Philip was left, heart racing, mind going through every possibility of being
sent away. As he made his way inside, he mumbled some semblance of a “Good
Morning” to Gabe, promising he’d be down for Breakfast after a shower.
Within moments, he was inside the upstairs shower, letting the water run in
rivulets down his skin. The heat of the water relaxed the tense and sore
muscles, and as he washed himself, his thoughts drifted to the boy who, at this
moment, was downstairs in the shower there. The thought of Lukas made him
realize that perhaps he had wanted something more than just cuddling last
night. What better way to take care of that need than here? He let his hand
slip downward; nimble fingers wrap around that part of him that needed it. He
stroked himself, the water making each movement slicker, better. He thought of
Lukas, of course, the dazzling smile, the tenderness with which he stroked
Philip’s arm. An increasing pace, feeling that he simply needed to get off. A
string of memories from their first time, back in the motel room; as though his
mind had taken snapshots. A tender kiss to his neck; a look of bliss etched
upon Lukas’ face when he first entered him. A corresponding moan from Philip.
The pleasure of Lukas stroking him, in time with his own movements. Philip
remembered the way he leaned down, kissing Lukas with a passion, as a pressure
he’d only experienced a few times released. How they both had cried out in
ecstasy as they had, as Philip, came.

His eyes opened, letting his hand fall to his side. As he wiped the evidence
off of the shower wall, letting the white, sticky liquid wash down the drain,
he felt a contented smile cross his lips. Mere minutes passed before he was
drying himself off in the confines of his room. Once he was dressed, he made
his way downstairs to see Lukas sitting at the table, with Gabe at the head,
and Bo where Philip would normally have sat to eat. Without much of a glance at
either, Philip took a seat at the last available table, piled his plate high
with pancakes, sausage, bacon and toast, before finally speaking.
“What’s up? Miss anything important?"
***** Chapter 3: Fourth of July Weekend *****
Chapter Notes
     This is a short chapter, and I apologize for it. Next couple of
     Chapters will be Philip and Lukas in New York City! Clubs, Food, and
     maybe a raunchy night in the hotel room!
Nearly two months had passed since Red Hook, and the surprisingly pleasant
breakfast the next morning. Bo, casting Philip a brief smile, had shared the
news that Lukas had landed an endorsement by an even bigger company. News that
the two boys had been eyewitnesses to a brutal murder, as well as their
subsequent kidnapping, was sympathetic, of course. A great chance to start a
campaign. Lukas demanded, however, that Philip be included. The Regional Champ,
rooted onward by his boyfriend? That had earned major points online. He was
sure it would work here, in an endorsement, as well.
In fact, it had had something of an opposite effect. Not in the sense of Philip
being there ruined endorsements. It was that Philip was rarely there. Nearly
every weekend, Lukas was away, checking in with selfies and snaps. But it did
nothing to quell the fear that seemed to bubble up inside of him; that
something horrid could happen and that he would never see the blonde boy he
loved so. Other than the new sponsorships and his participation, little had
changed. The FBI had officially closed the case, clearing Helen of all
wrongdoing. Philip was assured, then reassured, and reassured thrice over, that
he would be staying in Tivoli. No school meant that, Monday through Friday
mornings, he was free to be with Lukas. Their time was split between practice
for Motocross and heated sessions of kissing in the barn, or the woods, or the
shore. It had all led up to this weekend.
Philip walked up the steps of the porch, and knocked on the door of the
Waldenbeck household. The muffled sound of steps coming down the steps meant
that it would be Lukas who answered, and he felt his heart jump in his chest.
Just a minute later, the blond boy threw open the Front door and had his arms
wrapped around Philip, drawing him closer in a hug. Philip was aware, first, of
his scent: musk and the pine soap he used; he was aware of Lukas’ warmth, and
his breath against the nape of his neck. Where Lukas’ hands rested, on the
small of his back, a tingling sensation arose.
“I missed you.” Lukas said softly, moving to press a soft kiss against Philip’s
cheek. His voice was barely above a whisper. “You ready for the weekend? Just
you and I?”
Philip couldn’t help the furious blush that crossed his lips. It was so unlike
him to blush, when they had always been so cool with each other. “A weekend in
New York City, with the boy I love? Not much more that I could ask. Helen’s
given me some money, so we’ll stay in a hotel. We have to go to the Statue of
Liberty. Other than that, our weekend is just the two of us.”
“Statue of Liberty? Why do you wanna go see that relic?” Lukas asked, as he
pulled back to look at Philip. “Let’s come inside. I’ve got cookies!”
“It’s a tourist trap, but I really wanna go see it, Lukas! I lived there for
most of my life and I never got to see it up close. I figured since we’re
going, we could.” Philip said, as he walked into the house and closed the door
behind him. He was always struck by how beautiful the house seemed, as though
Lukas’ mother had never died. Everything was always so pristine. “Did your mom
like to decorate?”
That made Lukas turn around from his spot on the first step. His face was, for
the most part, unreadable. It was his eyes that gave away what he felt. “My
mom…she had a knack for a few things. Cooking. Making stories that would dazzle
you in a way that Harry Potter probably never could. But Decoration was her
gift. A lot of people came to her when they needed redecorating. This house was
her pride and joy, aside from me.” Lukas chuckled there, as he looked down at
the board under his feet. “She told me that, a few months before she died. Dad
never changed anything after she died. Insisted that this house be kept as
close to the way she’d envisioned it. So all the matching colors that you see;
every piece of furniture, every rug. Every curtain; she picked those.” When he
looked up at Philip again, his eyes brimmed with tears.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up. Just curious.” Was all Philip could
manage to say. To see those ice-blue eyes lined with redness that came with
tears was jarring. Lukas had never been one to talk about his feelings.
“No, don’t apologize.” He retorted, inhaling sharply. “Wanna come upstairs and
help me pack? We’ve a bus to catch.” Before Philip could respond, Lukas had
turned and bounded up the stairs. A scoff escaped his lips, and the next
moment, he was running up the stairs after him.
***** Chapter 4: Night on the Town *****
Chapter Notes
     I wanted to add in some non-canon backstory for Philip, so here it
     is!
The train ride into New York City was grueling. Having left at 4:43 from Red
Hook, it was disappointing to have arrived in Poughkeepsie nearly an hour later
via taxi. From there, the two made a mad dash through the train station to
catch the 6:00 train to New York City. Already worn out, the two boys leaned
against one another, their fingers intertwined. They didn’t speak, so much as
let their bodies speak for them. All lingering kisses and trailing touches that
left a tingling sensation, though neither of them admitted it.
At a quarter past 8pm, they finally got off of the train at Grand Central and
strolled out, hand in hand, into the New York night life. The sound of traffic
filled their ears. Around them, cars, taxis with their distinctive yellow hood
lights, and the people waded around the sea of concrete and asphalt. The smell
of food was in the air too, making for a very enticing scene. “Follow me. Ever
had Pho?”
“Pho?” Lukas asked, raising a brow and instantly answering Lukas’ question.
That caused Philip to smile.
“Vietnamese soup. You’re going to have some tonight. Lucky for you, I know
exactly where to go!” He let himself slip from the warm embrace of Lukas’ arms
and began to, quite literally, guide him.
Two blocks full of people trying to get from point A to point B. In much the
same way, Philip realized, the people milling about; some of them with arms
intertwined; others entwined in passionate embrace, were all walking down the
same road: The road of happiness and hope and of life. The only difference is
that this particular long road was, to most people, asphalt, whereas to Philip
and Lukas, it was a long dirt road. At long last, the two star-crossed lovers
stopped in front of the restaurant they had come to: Pho Saigon. The smell of
spices and meat surrounded them as they walked in, and were seated in a booth
toward the back. One glance at Lukas was all that Philip needed to know that he
was about as confused as he could have been. The smile that unconsciously made
its way onto his lips. This was the Lukas that he fell in love with. Not the
popular boy at Red Hook with the Motocross bike; with his blond hair and
piercing blue eyes, who could have had anything he wanted. Not the Lukas who
stole sugar packets or blew dust at him. Nor the Lukas who stroked his arm that
first night in the barn loft, while the songs on their own personal playlist
played into their ears. He fell in Love with the Lukas whose smiles, real
smiles, could brighten up even the darkest room. The Lukas who, upon hearing
about Anne’s death, pulled him into the tightest hug he had received. Who said
nothing as Philip wept; tears wetting the plaid button-up shirts that Lukas
seemed to never run out of. Until at last, that night, Philip lay with his head
against Lukas’s shoulder, the two of them lulled to sleep by the nonsense on
television. The Lukas whose smallest quirks were the true, authentic Lukas. Not
the man everyone saw. The man that seemed to only reveal himself to Philip. At
long last, those quizzical blue eyes looked up at Philip, and Philip, caught
off guard, saw the change from confusion to questioning.
“What’s up?” He asked, as those deft fingers lay the menu down on the table.
“You have that smile that says something is bothering you.”
“Nothing’s bothering me. I just…you looked so confused and it made me smile.”
“Well, I am confused. I don’t know what half of these things are. Pho Tai, Pho
Bo Vien? What are they supposed to be?” Lukas asked, looking about as lost as
he could.
Philip offered his boyfriend a small smile. “Pho Tai is thin sliced beef. There
should be a description underneath it.” He watched as Lukas looked back at the
menu, and the subsequent frown that crossed his lips.
“I didn’t even think to look. I’ll try to Pho Tai. Y’think Dr. Pepper’s a good
drink?” He asked. Philip knew near instantly that, just from the tone, that
Lukas was asking for his honest opinion.
“That’s the drink I normally get. I don’t think that it’ll taste too bad.”
Philip responded, tone conversational.
As the waiter approached, the two teenagers finalized what they would get, and
then they turned to face the man.
~~~
Close to an hour later, the two teenagers walked out of the restaurant and back
into the throngs of people that still, even at 9pm, clogged the streets of
Manhattan.
“Well, I gotta hand it to ya, Philip, you know a good place to get a meal.”
Lukas said, as he slid his hands into his pockets. He was sated, full, yet not
ready to call it a night.
Philip pulled his wallet out and took two pieces of plastic out. “I get my few
enjoyable life experiences out of differing food options. Here.” He said,
holding out one of the card.
As Lukas took the card in his fingers, he glanced down at the plastic and felt
a familiar smile cross his lips. “Ron Anderton? We couldn’t have gotten any new
fake I.D.s? I.D.s with better names?” He asked this in a completely serious
tone.
Philip looked over at Lukas, frowning softly. “I quite like Ron Anderton. He
kissed me in public. I mean, sure…he walked out of a club on me last time; but
I don’t think he’d walk out now.”
Lukas frowned ever so softly. “We’re going clubbing? Out of everything that we
could possibly do?” Yet, he wasn’t against the idea. Dancing with Philip on a
club streaming with strobe lights and other couples. Feeling the burn of
alcohol as it made its way down his throat. Feeling Philip’s lips on his own as
they let their bodies do the talking; hands over heated skin and the like.
“Unless you don’t want to. We could just go to the hotel? Get frisky?” He said,
moving to rest against Lukas. His lips had curled up into a small smirk. “You
know me…I’d be down for either.”
Lukas rested his arms across Philip’s shoulders, and the two began to walk in
step. A gentle laugh emanated from his lips. “Let’s go to a bar, instead. Have
a couple of drinks, first? Then we can head on over to this hotel you keep
speaking of.” Lukas pressed a kiss to the crown of Philip’s head, before
returning his gaze to the sidewalk before them.
Two blocks later, they came across the first bar, and entered. Rock music
blared from the jukebox, and the place smelled of cigarette smoke. Philip
thought that the bar had a definite 80s vibe, and he liked it. Walking to the
bar, the two boys presented their IDs. Richard “Rick” Anderton from Lukas and
George Williamson from Lukas. The scrutinizing look from the barkeep went from
the IDs to the boys at least three times before he nodded ever so subtly, as if
to assure himself that it was fine, before handing the cards back. “What’ll it
be?” He asked the two boys.

Within minutes, the two boys sat at a booth by a window, watching the people
pass by on their own nightlife journey. Lukas drinking Jack and Coke; Philip
drinking Gin and juice. They were silent, their gaze passing over one another
or out of the windows. In the background, I hate myself for Loving You played.
Philip was aware of the slight movement of Lukas’ right foot as he tapped out
the beat of the song with his heel. Each sip of his drink was strong, and felt,
surprisingly, as if cold fire made its way down his throat. In his mind, Philip
made up small stories of the people who passed by. The little girl in the red
coat took ballet lessons. Her mother walking beside her was a professional.
Absentee father was most certainly at work at the hospital, helping people
worse off than he was. The old couple walking across the street, hand in hand,
were surely out shopping to spoil a few grandchildren, in the way that only
grandparents could. He felt the strange pull in his chest, realizing that he
didn’t know anything about his own grandparents. His mother had never talked
about them…only that they had lived out west. And…well, it wasn’t as if he knew
his father. So that wasn’t helpful. He wondered if Lukas knew about his
grandparents, and whether he saw them at Thanksgiving and Christmas. At family
reunions where cousins you never knew existed would come and mingle with you.
Philip thought that those reunions would be amazing. To meet cousins that were
fine with him; where he wasn’t considered a particular bother…even if the odds
were he’d be the one from the messed up home. Family was one of the few things
he had truly wanted. More than love or friendship or that sick DSLR camera. He
had wanted a family. It wasn’t to say that he didn’t love Anne. How could he
not? Despite her faults, Anne was still his mother, and, even with her choice
of intoxicants and bad men who gave Philip a very problematic past, he could
never bring himself to hate, not even dislike, her. For she had always done her
best to ensure that Philip had a good meal, a place to sleep, clothes.
“I wasn’t taken away just because my mom was a druggie.” Philip said, tearing
his eyes away from the window to look at Lukas, who himself had been gazing at
the passersby. “She was involved with a man…who wasn’t horrible to me. He took
me to a house that belonged to a friend of his. They were gonna shoot up, get
high. I just…did what 12 year olds did, I guess. Find something to not die of
boredom. My mom’s boyfriend was still knocked out when his friend woke up…and
he saw me looking at his camera. It wasn’t old fashioned or anything.”
At this point, Lukas cut him off with a wave of his hand. “If you’re going to
tell me that the guy was a perv who took nude pictures of you, please don’t.”
Philip sat back, partially out of revulsion, but also understanding that what
Lukas had suggested was plausible. “N- No! He gave me the camera, said that
photography was a particularly good hobby…it’d keep me out of trouble. A few
minutes later, some guys came over, and I was ushered out of the house into the
backyard. I was taking a picture when…” He paused here, breathing in deeply,
before exhaling. “Drug deal went bad, shots were fired. Joey…the guy who gave
me the camera? He died. My mom’s boyfriend left without me, and the cops
came…took me in to keep me safe, and that’s when they found out about my mom.”
Lukas stared at him, his gaze one of shock and partial understanding. “I…I
don’t know what to say, other than the fact that murder isn’t much better than
perv pics.” Leave it to Lukas to try to lighten things up with a crude, but
well meaning joke. “Barkeep! Can we get a few shots of Tequila?” He called out,
before turning his attention back to Philip. “Why…tell me that? I mean, I just
don’t understand why you’d tell me that.”
“I trust you. And I don’t want you thinking that it was just Anne who got me
put in the system. She always did her best for me.” He said, frowning. “I don’t
want anyone thinking that it was all because of my mom. I don’t want her to be
remembered by everyone as just ‘the junkie with the messed up kid.” He stopped
as the barkeep bought over four shots for each of the two teens, only to resume
when he’d walked away. “I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.
Everything deserves to be said.”
Lukas took two of the shot glasses and slid one to Philip. “Lift it up.”
“What?” Philip asked, raising a brow.
“The shot. Lift it up. I propose a toast.” Lukas repeated, lifting the small
glass of clear liquid. “To shitty life histories, and to bright futures for the
two of us!”
Philip laughed as he lifted his own glass, and raised it in toast. Then,
without further preamble, he took the shot, letting the liquid set his chest on
fire. His eyes saw Lukas take the shot of his own.
***** Chapter 5: Love and Lust *****
Chapter Summary
     After a night of drinking, things get really sexual really fast.
     Basically just Philkas Smut for this chapter.
Chapter Notes
     Okay! So First off, this is my first time writing smut for public
     display, so bear with me.
     You wanna send criticism, make sure it's constructive, for as I said,
     I'm not really used to writing smut for the public. Do send me your
     thoughts, whether through a message or in a comment. Always looking
     for ways to improve my writing.
A laugh bubbled up from Philip’s lips as the motel room door shut behind them.
The next moment, Lukas’ lips were pressed against his. His hands were
traversing over the curves of Philip’s body. The kisses were lingering,
passionate. Though they escalated quickly into lust-induced kisses. For a
moment, all Philip is aware of is the way Lukas seems to dominate him, their
tongues mingling; their hands roaming and groping. Then Lukas bucks his hips
forward, and his arousal becomes evident in the way the hardness rubs against
Philip’s thigh; and Philip knows that he’s hard and…fuck.

The next moment, Lukas is pulling away, tugging at Philip’s lower lip, while
simultaneously grinding against Philip. The sound drawn out of his throat was a
cross between pleasure and unbridled need. Who knew that tequila could do this?
They pulled away from each other long enough for the shirts to fly off, and
their shoes to follow suit. Philip felt his wrist grabbed by Lukas, who pushed
him back onto the bed, back down, as he crawled over him. He was reminded of
the day in the cabin, and Lukas’ words that warranted no arguments. No one’s
going to know, he’d said, because you’re not going to tell them.

Yet now, here they were, Philip practically gasping for air while Lukas kissed
him, those slightly chapped lips trailing down his neck. The sensation of those
lips trailing over, kissing the point where, just under his skin, his pulse
ran. Lukas’ hands were on him. One hand placed on his hip, where his thumb
rubbed slow circles into the exposed skin, the other tangled in his brown hair.
Philip’s hand slid down to grab Lukas’ rear, pulling his hips down to meet
Philip’s own. He needed friction, needed to feel Lukas against him, knowing
that Lukas wanted him. As if in answer to his silent wondering, Lukas suddenly
moved southward, his lips moving along the prominent outline of his collarbone.
Philip’s eyes fluttered closed as Lukas sucked until there was a mark there. A
silent, if not physical, declaration of their mutual love. Yet, he knew what
would happen if Lukas continued, and if Lukas continued? Well, he wouldn’t last
long at all.
“L-Lukas, you don’t have to.” Philip said, noticing the breathlessness of his
own voice. Noticing how damn hot he was. He’d barely gotten the words out when
he felt his hand moving over his crotch, and Philip strained, his back arching
ever so softly.
“I want to.” Lukas said, as both hands now went to roughly pull down the jeans
that still kept their bodies apart.
“Have…you ever even sucked dick? Philip found himself asking, before letting
himself rest against the bed. Only underwear now clothed him.
“No, but I’ve…done research.” Lukas said, before grasping the waistband of the
blue underwear that clothed Philip and pulling down just enough to reveal his
dick.
In the next moment, Lukas was on his knees, and he’d once again pulled Philip,
this time to the edge of the bed. Philip was perhaps seven inches, already
hard. Cut, unlike Lukas. He was acutely aware of the bead of precome that had
appeared. One glance at Philip, who had propped himself up on his elbows, was
encouraging. He didn’t look expectant. His cheeks were flushed a bright pink.
Philip looked about as sheepish as he could; considering that he was probably
as close to the edge as he possibly could be without blowing his load. Lukas
leaned forward to press a kiss to the soft skin of Philip’s inner thigh. And he
began to move upward. He paused briefly to yank that underwear down, revealing
all that Philip had. All that Lukas had seen, and touched, and been. The next
moment, when there was nothing left to kiss, Lukas leaned forward and pressed a
soft kiss to the base of his dick, and he was surprised that the brunette
didn’t come right then and there. Philip bucked his hips up, and was met by
Lukas’ hands on the soft skin again, this time pushing his hips down into the
bed, a silent command: Don’t.
A groan escaped Philip’s parted lips, already swollen from kissing, when Lukas
took him in his mouth. He wasn’t anywhere near the level that Philip had been
their first time. Then again, Lukas had pulled Philip up, lest he come in his
mouth. Going off of the research he had done, he let his tongue run down every
surface; taking cues from the subtle (and not-so subtle) sounds that escaped
his lips. Every glance up showed that Philip’s eyes were closed, that he was
grasping the sheets in clenched fists. Then, as if he had received some divine
inspiration, Lukas took all of him in his mouth, and began to truly suck,
eliciting a loud moan from Philip, who, without any semblance of warning, came
after a minute. Instead of pulling away, as Lukas would have done, he let
Philip ride out his orgasm.
He was first aware of Philip in his post orgasmic bliss: the way the tension in
Philip’s body left, the grip on the sheets relaxing and the rapid rise and fall
of his chest. Then, he felt the wetness that was slowly making its way down his
chin. Standing from his place, he made his way over to the adjoining (and ugly)
bathroom, where he spit the come into the sink and washed it all down the
drain. He glanced in the mirror and saw the thin line of white that he formed.
A cursory swipe by his forearm wiped the come away. Then, feeling quite proud
of himself, made his way back into the main room. When he was standing in the
spot where he had been kneeling, he undid his pants and dropped them to the
floor, followed quickly by his boxers. He was hard, and moved to grab the bags
they had come in with. In Philip’s was the small corner store bag that
contained the box of condoms and lube. Philip’s voice broke the silence.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t even mean to come that fa-”
Lukas interrupted him, smiling ever so softly as he came to rest beside him.
“Don’t apologize for getting off. Are you still up for me?” He asked, holding
up the bottle of lube to illustrate his point. “You can choose our position.”
“Of course I am. Just..prep me, like the time I showed you how. Fingers and
all. As for position…we can do missionary.”
Philip turned around onto his stomach, and spread his legs, as Lukas hurriedly
opened the bottle of lube and poured some on his fingers. When Lukas put his
finger in that most intimate place, Philip shuddered. How could he not have,
when it was cold. Lukas circled the puckered rim a few times, before he
hesitantly pushed in. The sharp intake of breath from Philip made him pause,
sure that he had hurt the boy he loved. He had been all too aware of the
resistance. But Philip seemed to relax, and Lukas continued, only once he had
received a nod of approval from Philip. A few minuted passed before he
tentatively added a second one, his eyes taking in every reaction that Philip
had. Soon, new sounds escaped his lovers lips, soft mewls and moans of
pleasure. The wriggling of hips, the way that Philip subtly pushed back on
Lukas’ fingers. A signal that he wanted more. And Lukas wouldn’t deny him that.
Wouldn’t deny the way that he wanted it to. He withdrew his fingers and grasped
Philip’s shoulder, turning him around onto his back. The debauched way that
Philip looked up at him, with those beautiful red tinged cheeks, the chocolate
eyes, biting his bottom lip, was a bigger turn on than anything he’d done. He
practically ripped open the box of Condoms and held out out to the boy on the
bed.
“Put it on me?” Lukas asked when he saw the look of confusion on his face.
“Lube me up a little bit, and I’ll rock your world.”
As Philip took the condom in hand, carefully ripping open the package, he took
Lukas’ length in his hands. Stroking it only a few times, Philip then put the
piece of latex on the tip, before he pushed down on the ring of latex. A small
smirk escaped his lips as it moved down his length, toward the base of dark
blond hair. The shaky breath from Lukas made him smile softly. As he took the
bottle of lube in his hands, squirting a small amount into his left him, he
moved to kiss Lukas, while his hand wrapped around his dick, slicking up the
already hard length. Lukas moaned into the kiss, while he let one hand move to
tangle in the hair of the boy he was about to make love to. He was sure he
would lose it and come before he even got that far. It seemed as though the
world tilted sideways for him, and it took a moment to realize that it had. The
hand tangled in Lukas’ hair was met with the warmth of the mussed up sheets,
and it registered with him that he was laying on top of Philip. Instinctively,
he bucked his hips, his length, into Philip’s hand, and broke the kiss to let
out a needy groan. The next thrust was harder, and he had to pull away from
Philip, before looking down at him.
“I need you. I need to be inside of you.” Lukas said, as his hands slid down
the entire length of Philip’s lithe body, to the thighs he had kissed earlier.
He spread them and looked back up to Philip for approval. Philip had grabbed a
pillow and placed it under him, at the small of his back. Lukas was momentarily
confused, before he saw the way it helped. Philip’s lower half was raised, and
Lukas moved to settle between his legs.
Philip slid his hand between them, grabbing Lukas’ member and guiding him to
his entrance. He felt his heart racing, could hear the pound of blood in his
ears. He moved his right leg to wrap around Lukas’ waist, and felt the minute
movement, the soft way Lukas pushed forward until he saw stars. His head fell
back against the sheets as Lukas’ head pushed in, and felt the first hints of
arousal in him. Lukas didn’t stop, but instead continued to push in until he
couldn’t anymore, until he was fully sheathed inside of Philip. Both of their
chests rose and fell rapidly, the breathing increased from the pleasure of
their joined bodies. He waited for Philip. For him to give the all clear, that
he was free to continue.
What he got instead was Philip bucking his own hips up, bringing attention to
Lukas that he was ready, and that the boy below him was very hard. He felt
himself withdraw, until just the tip was inside, and thrust back in, taking in
the exhilarating feeling that came from the sound of skin hitting skin. At
first, the pace was slow, and steady, taking in both of their awkward lack of
skill. The way that both of them moved at first in opposite directions, to the
way their bodies moved in sync. Moans of pleasure, groans of ecstasy escaped
their lips. Lukas slid a hand between them to stroke and tease Philip, jerking
him off as he moved within him. Their moans broken by sudden kisses, by love
bites on sensitive, heated skin. By clasped hands and the way that Philip
grabbed at Lukas’ ass. Soon, the movements became erratic, as their need was
made more evident. As Lukas withdrew and thrust in, Philip suddenly jerked, his
eyes shutting suddenly, while a single word passed those delectably swollen
lips.
“Fuck!” Then, as he grabbed Lukas’ ass again, a sentence. “Do that again…That
felt-” He was cut off as Lukas thrust back into him, and a cry of pleasure
escaped those lips.
All pretense fell away then. Lukas’s hands moved to grab Philip’s thighs, and
pushed them farther apart, and moved to lay his feet on top of his shoulders.
Philip, for his part, seemed surprised, before Lukas rammed back into him, and
he cried out again. This time, the rhythm was unsteady. Less lovemaking and
more rutting, in an effort to achieve the bliss of climax. Each thrust sent
Philip closer to the edge. Lukas continued to stroke Philip. Watched as every
bit of pleasure rocked Philip to his core. His hands had once again grasped the
sheets, and he was moving as best he could to meet Lukas’ thrust. He was
faintly aware of the creaking of the bed beneath them, the dimming of light at
the periphery of his vision. The way that, beneath him, Philip changed. The
slight clenching in Philip’s nether-regions, and the way that he seemed to
become harder. And the look of ecstasy blooming on his face. He knew it even
before Philip opened his mouth.
“I’m gonna c-” He cried out then, as his body clenched around Lukas. The white
spurts of come shooting onto Philip’s chest and abdomen. The way in which his
face twisted up as the orgasm took over him. The way Philip was around him, he
couldn’t hold back anymore. And thrust again only twice before he came. His own
vision darkened, until all he could see was Philip.
He continued to stroke Philip, even as he began to go soft. When he finally
stopped, he withdrew his hand to lick off the few drops of come that were
there. Then, he slowly, gently, pulled out of Philip. As soon as he was out,
Philip seemed to collapse onto the bed. While Lukas took the condom off, tying
the end in a knot and tossing it into the trash, he felt the energy drain from
him. He didn’t remember walking back to the bed, or laying down next to Philip.
He was there though, laying on his side, kissing Philip again. Then Philip was
moving, grabbing his underwear and tossing Lukas his. This had always been a
thing. Never sleeping fully naked. Once the garment was on, Philip climbed back
into the bed, resting his head just to the right of Lukas’ shoulder, while his
arm crossed over Lukas’ chest. Where his fingers rested, a warmth seemed to
radiate out. When Lukas looked down, he was startled that Philip had his eyes
closed, his lips spread in a small smile.
“I love you, Lukas.” Philip said, moving to press a kiss to the bare skin of
his shoulder.
He let the words wash over him, sink into every pore, every ounce of his being.
Felt the emotion well up in his chest. “I love you too, Philip.” With those
five words, and the smile that formed on his own lips, the two boys, nestled in
each others arms, drifted into a deep sleep.
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