Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/11116374. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage Category: Multi Fandom: None_-_Fandom Additional Tags: Depression, Suicide, selfharm, Self_Harm, Anxiety, Abusive_Relationship, Verbal_Abuse, Anorexia, self_discovery, Mental_Illness, Mental_Hospital, teen, Girl_-_Freeform Stats: Published: 2017-06-07 Chapters: 1/20 Words: 2363 ****** Down We Fall ****** by Giniro Summary Aki is a 15 year old girl living in a city called Asheville. She is constantly verbally abused by her parents, bullied at school, harassed by boys and even worse her own friends show their truest colors to her and turn their backs on her. Her only friend is a razor blade and suicide notes and the voices in her head. She has scum to her demons and her sanity is running low. Will she find the light in the dark abyss or will it be too late to save a her life? The addiction is just the start.   Hi guys this is going to be a real graphic story and some of the details in here depict events that happened in my life. Names and some situations have been changed. Enjoy I sit in my room and stare out the window on the second floor of my house. On my bed is scattered my own song lyrics, my lighter and my cat Charlie. I look for constellations, each individual star connecting the dots one at a time with my finger. In my left hand is a cigarette wasting away. A small glowing stub just barely there and it tastes fucking disgusting. I can't stand them but I love them. I hold the stub outside the window and let it drop down into the bushes outside. I look back up at Leo's constellation and I see light zoom pass the sky in just mere seconds. A shooting star. I make a wish. A wish that I will find my own star. Not a star that will just shoot across the sky and leave me alone. I don't want any star to go... I look at my clock and it reads 3:21 am. A gloomy Saturday morning. The sky is a mellow blue stained with some yellow. So I leave my window open and fall asleep to the soft music coming from my record player. /////////////////////////////   I feel a paw touch my face. I scrunch my nose in my half sleep state. I feel it again this time with a meow. Oh Charlie, are you hungry? She stars rubbing her head on my face and purrs very loud. She stares at me with her big bright yellow eyes and then proceeds to lick her grey soft fur. I decide to get out of bed. I fell asleep in my white t-shirt and yellow and blue shorts with a yellow tiny bow on each side. I open my door and listen carful for any signs of human activity. Nothing. Absolutely no sounds. Except for a mere car driving by. With Charlie at my feet, I head out my bedroom door and straight ahead to the stairs. I place my feet on the cold but smooth oak wood stairs. I look out the front door's side windows and see that both my parents cars are gone. Figures. I head into the kitchen and grab some cat food and put it in Charlie's bowl. She licks my hand as I pour the food as her thank you. She's the cutest. I look at the stove and the time reads 11:23 am. I have plenty of time before I have to go to work. I turn on the kettle, in my opinion, an oversized kitchen. I grab a pale blue coffee cup I painted when I was 10 and grab coffee grounds. When the water finishes boiling I make my coffee and bring it to the living room. It's also quite oversized. My house is kinda big because it was my mothers dream to have a nice house. Yet they are never satisfied and barely take care if this one. Windows are broken, faucets are leaky, lots of junk piles in the corners and barely any light makes it into the house, even with the shades up. I only have 2 siblings, plus me and my parents so, I don't see why we need all this extra crap, they aren't even home more then half the time. My mother, Amaya, works as a full time as a assistant for a cosmetics store  and even does night shifts as a janitor near by Wall-burgs . She always complaining about something wether it's finical or my dad or even the goddam way I breathe. My father, Damian, works for an electrical company and spends his time getting drunk and high with his friends but he thinks we don't know. He rarely wants to be around us anyways. They probably forgot they had a daughter named Aki Zora. I turn on the TV to see what's on but nothing catches my eye so I turn it off. I take a few more sips of my coffee and walk upstairs with it. I put it on my wooden bedside table. I grab some black leggings, my yellow and pink stripped sweater , which I bought at a thrift store a year ago. Then white socks along with blue stary underwear and a matching purple bra. I head to the bathroom and set my glasses down and take a nice hot shower. Most of the time when I'm alone it's when my mind tries to tear me down and it becomes a war with myself... You aren't good enough You are loser You are fat You shouldn't be alive I quickly finish up and get out. I wrap my curly brown hair in a towel and get dressed. I put on deodorant and some mascara. I brush my teeth and head back to my room. I grab my backpack and grab my wallet, my Checkered brand cigs, a lighter, my phone which I should probably check, my charger, water, some crackers, my music journal and a pen and lastly my keys. I put on my green boots with black buckles and head downstairs. Charlie is sitting on the island chairs and I scratch her ears and she purrs. I leave her some extra food and water and head out the door. I decide to walk to work instead of driving because it is pretty close. I head down my street and take a left at the end. It's the middle of October so it's kind of chilly but I'll be fine. I walk for 20 more minutes and I finally reach the building. The sign reads "Asheville Bookstore". I walk in and the bell on the door rings. I'm greeted by my boss Jenna. She's an older women in her late 40s. She's been single for a while and is very high spirited. She has shoulder length wavy brown hair and wears dark green eyeshadow which brings out her blue eyes. She's a little bit shorter then me so I help her out a lot. I head behind the counter and toss my backpack in the corner. I check my phone before I stand behind the cash register. I have one text from my mom saying she's working late and going out with friends, nothing from my father and as for my own friends I have none. Zero. Nothing. Lonely. I put my phone in my boot and turn the closed sign to open. The store is medium sized there's large maple wood shelves filled with books of all genres. My favorite is the novel section and sometimes I get to take home the really old ones that haven't sold. In the middle of the store there's seats where people can sit down and enjoy their coffee or a bagel which they can order at the counter. The store is well known so a decent amount of customers come in and out. The front door bell jingles as a group of girls giggling come in and ask for all sorts of coffees and lattes with bagels. I run around trying to make all their orders since my boss is busy organizing in the back room. I hand them all their orders and they pay. They all gather and sit down on the couches and laugh and take pictures together. I just stare and noticed a tall girl with a pony tail and a pink bow in her hair, looking at me but I turn away and get back to cleaning up the mess I just made. ////////////////////////////////////////////   God I need a cigarette. Work finishes up around 4:30, my boss decided to let me go early since I worked so hard. She even gave me some of the tip money 50$. I walk down to the back of town toward the train station. There's no trains here so I step onto the tracks and hop on to the other side and lean against a building wall. I take the packet of my favorite brand, Checkered cigarettes and pull one out. I place it on my lips and grab my silver lighter. I light it up and inhale slowly as the nicotine coats my mind and then exhale it back into the world. I stand their checking my phone scrolling through my Facebook. All of a sudden a girl appears out of the the alley way. She has long blonde hair with one pink streak and is wearing a black band shirt and a black and gray stripped sweater and dark gray jeans and dark purple sneakers. "Hey." She says and leans up against the wall next to me. I'm at a loss for words. she so stunning. Her blue eyes stare into my green eyes. "Sup." I say nervously and she laughs. " Can I smoke with you ?" She asks and I nod my head yes. She whips out her own pack of Mountains and lights one up so gracefully. "So what are you doing out here on your own?" She asks me while looking off into the distance of the train parking lot. " I uh I come here to think I guess, not really any specific reason..." I say looking down. " Well if you aren't busy you should come to my friends house with me later. He's having a party and it's gonna be really fun." She says looking at me, her face is so perfect I need to capture it. " I can probably sneak out. One question, can I take a picture of you? " I ask without hesitation. " Ha sure why not ?" And she poses looking at me while smoke expels out the tip of cigarette as she holds it to her lips. I hit the capture button on my phone and the moment is saved forever. I walk back to my house and she heads the other way toward the abandoned part of town. She gave me her number and I hold it close to my chest. I open the front door to my house and mom my and dad surprisingly are sitting in the kitchen. I run upstairs before they smell me but my mom stops me in my tracks. "Aki where have you been you are late. And what's the awful smell?" She says in a stern tone. "Nothing." I say. " Aki you better not talk to your mother that way that's disrespectful you. You are so one way." My dad says to chime in on the game "let's pick on Aki". "Aki I got a call from the school saying you are skipping classes. That better not be true, you better not be skipping class. I can't believe you would do such a thing." My mother starts to go on and on about how I'm such a trouble child and how she's disappointment and how I won't get into college, blah blah blah...after 10 minutes I just stop listening and continue walking upstairs to my room. I slam the door shut and lock it. I hear my mother shout my name and tell me to come back. I heard louder foot steps which belong to my dad. " You little brat you better come down stairs and apologize."  He yells through the door. " fuck off." I say loud but stern. " You can't talk to me like. You're so selfish! Bitch! Don't even think about going out for a 2 months." He yells through the door trying to opening it with no luck. " I don't give a shit." I say as I pack my bag to leave the house later. I heard my father screaming at about how my mother needs to train me better as if I was some dog. My dads voice gets farther away from the door and I run to the door and put my ear against it to listen. I hear him arguing with my mom. He's probably right anyways, I hate everything and I just want to suffocate so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I pack my backpack with 2 pairs of underwear, a white graphic tshirt and jean shorts, along with deodorant a tooth brush and my makeup pouch. And I leave it on my bed and check myself in the mirror before I leave. I look at my messy curls and my bags under my eyes and my fat thighs. I'm so ugly I don't know why I'm even going out everyone is going to see how ugly I am. I attempt to climb out the window beside my bed since there's small amount of roof to sit on. The jump is about 7 ft and before I attempt it I see the blonde girl again in my backyard. How did she know where I lived? "Hey up there I don't think jumping without help is a good idea." She says as she smiles with her red lipstick on. "What are you suggesting you are gonna catch me ?" I say nervously. "Hell yea I am haha, now get ready to jump in my arms!" She says. I get closer to the edge and I ready myself to jump, to just let go of the building behind me and all the memories it had created into my soul. I feel myself in the air for a moment and then suddenly it turns into crash landing on top of her. My face turns several shades of red and surprisingly hers does too. " Oh uh I'm sorry I didn't mean to land on you haha..." I say trying not to trip on my words. " It's uh it's not an problem...we gotta fall before we fly haha." she says nervously quotes. We both get up and run out of my yard before my parents hear us talking. We start to head back toward the more empty part of town. I realize out of all my mistakes I've never asked her what her name was! " Hey I should have asked before but uh what's your name ?" I ask while walking along the side walk with her. " My name? You never told me yours." She exclaims. " Oh my gosh I'm so sorry my name is Aki, Aki Zora." " That's a cute name." She says realizing she hasn't told me hers. " Oh right! My name is Rei Haruko." Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!