Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1170352.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Football_RPF
  Relationship:
      Daniel_Agger/Fernando_Torres
  Character:
      Daniel_Agger, Fernando_Torres
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe, Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Domestic_Violence,
      Childhood_Trauma, Daddy_Issues, Angst, Tears
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-02-05 Completed: 2014-06-29 Chapters: 6/6 Words: 32859
****** (Don't) Leave Me Alone ******
by darthenna
Summary
     At first seems like the only thing Daniel and Fernando have in common
     are freckles and tattoos. High School AU (not really).
Notes
     Not a huge fan of Dan/Nando, but this story didn't work with anyone
     else.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Daniel isn't one to be intimidated by a new school and new classmates. He's not
a jock, he's not a bully, but he's not a nerd either. He's always looked tough
enough for the bullies to leave him alone. His whole aura is screaming 'leave
me alone, if you don't want troubles'. So everyone does. He has always been on
his own. That's why when he's walking for the first time in the in the
corridors of his new high school, he's not surprised that everyone gets out of
his way glancing at him suspiciously.
He finds his classroom and slumps down on a chair at the back. His classmates
look at him curiously, but no one of them dares to approach. Daniel smirks.
Seems like everything is going to be like in his old school.
The class has already started when the door opens. Daniel instinctively glances
towards it and rolls his eyes derisively at the sight. There is standing a guy,
one of Dan's new classmates apparently, in a leather jacket with rolled up
sleeves and fingerless gloves, wearing a smug grin. His head is shaved and his
arms are tattooed. Daniel snorts. A typical bad boy wannabe. Though the tattoos
are pretty cool.
"You’re late, Mr. Torres," the teacher says.
The guy flashes him a grin. "I know."
The teacher's lips form a thin line, but she's able to control his voice, when
she says, "Take your seat."
Torres walks to a free seat, the smug grin still on his face, and on the way
throws a look at Daniel. Dan glances right back unimpressed and Torres' grin
widens. He sprawls on his chair, earning a strict look from the teacher, and
doesn't even bother taking out the textbook.
"Mr. Torres, can you sit straight, please?" the teacher says.
Torres moves his feet by exactly two inches. "Good?" he asks.
The teacher doesn't answer anything, just looks at him scornfully and goes on
with the lesson. Daniel raises his eyebrows in surprise. In his last school
with such behavior you'd earn at least a detention.
He is putting his books in his bag after the lesson, when he feels someone
approaching. He looks up and sees Torres standing next to his desk with that
annoying grin still on his face. He's got freckles, Daniel notices, which make
him look sort of cute, not that he'd appreciate it if Daniel said it out loud.
"You're the new guy?" Torres asks.
"Yeah. So what?" Daniel answers coldly.
"Wanted to make sure you're welcomed properly," Torres says.
Daniel doesn't say anything, gets up and slings his backpack over his shoulder.
"Get out of my way," he says.
"Is he being disrespectful, Fernando?" one of the boys calls, "Do we need to
teach him a lesson?"
Daniel groans. He doesn't want to have a fight on his first day. Fortunately,
Fernando moves away. "Not yet," he says, "He's new. Let's give him time to
learn who's who in this school."
Daniel makes his way out of the classroom clenching his fists. Who this guy
thinks he is? Why does he think he's the center of the fucking universe?
He crosses paths with Fernando again during the day and feels his mocking gaze
on him all the time. He's looking for a fight, that's obvious, but Dan isn't
going to give him the satisfaction.
After the classes he goes out of the school, but stops in front of a
magnificent bike. He's always wanted one. Sure, he couldn't even dream of
something too expensive like this beauty, but even a more modest bike would be
awesome.
"Like it, Freckles?" he hears a voice from behind. "I can give you a ride if
you behave."
Daniel turns back to see Fernando grinning at him. He snorts. "Excuse me? You
call me Freckles?"
Fernando tilts his head. "Why not?"
He doesn't wait for Daniel's answer, jumps on the bike, puts on his helmet and
glances back at the other boy. "See you."
"Don't mind him," a girl standing next to Daniel says, "He wants to wind you
up, so he'd have an excuse to bully you."
"Who the hell is he?" Daniel growls, "He acts like the school is his fucking
property."
"Well, it sort of is," the girl says, "His dad is a big deal around here. He
gives a lot of money to the school, so they tolerate his son whatever he does."
Daniel smirks. Daddy's boy, then. Now it's clear how he got that awesome bike.
He walks home and doesn't think about Fernando Torres again.
                                      ~~~
Daniel's dad isn't at home, when he comes back from school. His mum is home,
she's watching TV half-asleep and barely notices her son. Dan goes to the
kitchen, makes himself a sandwich and sits at the table. When he finishes it
and goes to the living-room, his mother is already fast asleep. Daniel pulls a
blanket over her, turns off the TV and goes to his room. He sighs looking
around at the two boxes with his things and starts unpacking.
He's already started with the second box, when someone bangs the front door.
Daniel jumps up startled and holds his breath. He hears his father's loud
voice, his mother shouts something back. Daniel locks his door and slides down
closing his ears. When he opens them, there is no sound but quiet crying.
                                      ~~~
As much as Daniel wants, whenever he's at school, Fernando doesn't let him
forget about himself. His mocking gaze follows Daniel during all the lessons
and his snarky comments make his blood boil. But when he answers, Fernando only
gets more excited and on the contrary, if Daniel ignores him, Fernando's mood
is considerably lowered. So he decides to ignore him and for a while enjoys
Fernando's sour face, but soon the other boy starts employing more radical
methods. One day Daniel gets locked up in a magically emptied bathroom and is
late for the class. Another day he finds dog feces in front of his locker. Then
his backpack suddenly disappears and he spends the whole day looking for it
only to find it stuffed with stones. All this is accompanied by Fernando's
teasing comments.
Daniel hates feeling like a rich boy's new plaything, but he isn't going to let
Fernando spoil his life. Especially now when at home things aren’t going that
bad either. His dad isn’t around most of the time and whenever he’s back, he’s
too drunk to move.
Daniel really wants to kick the crap out of Fernando and his friends, but he
knows that it won't stop at this and his life will turn into hell. So he sticks
to his initial tactic of ignoring Fernando's childish moves and it pays off, as
Fernando gradually gets more frustrated until his petty behavior almost stops.
His look following Daniel doesn't disappear, but Dan can live with it. Let him
look as much as he wants to. It makes Daniel uncomfortable sometimes, but if it
is what it will take for Fernando to leave him alone, then he doesn't mind.
His relatively calm life is disturbed, when one day walking into the bathroom
he sees how Fernando and two of his friends have pinned a guy to the wall.
Daniel hates violence and he hates when strong men use their strength against
weak ones, so he immediately runs to the group and shoves Fernando away.
“Leave him alone,” he growls.
In a second he finds himself pinned to the wall instead of the boy, who flees
the moment he’s released.
Fernando smirks. "Not everyone is as brave as you, Freckles. And as stupid."
"My name is Daniel, Freckles," Dan spits out.
"Daniel. It's a nice name. Then why don't you behave like a nice boy?"
Daniel smirks. "Think you're so cool, coming on me with your friends, daddy's
boy?"
Fernando's grin immediately disappears. "Get out of here," he tells the other
two guys.
"But... Fernando..."
"Get out."
The two guys leave reluctantly and when the door closes after them, Fernando
turns to Daniel. "So, we're alone now. What do you have to say, Daniel?"
The way he pronounces his name - so slowly and rolling it softly on his tongue
- is disorienting, but Daniel takes a breath and suddenly shoves Fernando away
pinning him to the other wall. "You're really so full of yourself? Who do you
think you are? You're no one. Nothing. You know it, don't you? You think you're
a bad boy with your ridiculous jacket and your stupid bike, think the school
fucking belongs to you, but you would be nothing without your daddy.You
wouldn't be acting all smug, if you didn't have his money saving your ass every
time. Now let me break this to you, maybe you can buy everything and everyone
with daddy's money, but I don't give a flying fuck about it, so leave me
alone."
Fernando looks at him coldly, but his cheeks are flushed. Daniel is panting,
surprised at what a relief it was to get this out of his chest.
“Did you finish?” Fernando asks quietly.
Daniel doesn’t answer and is caught by surprise, when Fernando shoves him back
to the wall and grabs him by the collar. “Now you listen to me,” he hisses, “I
don’t give a shit about my dad’s money. It’s not my fault that everyone here is
too scared of him and they let me get away with everything I do. I'm actually
curious how long they can tolerate me. I’d love to if they kicked me out, but
seems like dad really doesn’t want to have a high school drop-out for a son. I
don’t care what you think of me, Daniel, but never call me daddy’s boy again,
got it?”
Daniel feels uncomfortable under Fernando’s burning look, but forces himself to
get a grip. “So leave me alone,” he says, “Just pretend I don’t exist. I only
want to live calmly. What do you want from me?”
Fernando smiles lopsidedly. “Maybe I want to be your friend.”
Daniel snorts. “This is not the right way to make friends.”
“Okay,” Fernando says, “On Saturday I’m having a pool party at my place. The
whole school is invited. That includes you.”
He lets go of Daniel’s collar and leaves. Dan remains there in shock for a few
moments. It was the rudest invitation to a party he’s ever received, though the
truth is he hasn’t received that many.
Fernando doesn't disturb him for the rest of the day, doesn't even glance at
him once. Daniel should be happy about it, but somehow it feels wrong. He
brushes off those feelings and decides that he's not going to go to that party.
He should stay away from Fernando Torres' confusing presence whenever possible.
                                      ~~~
Daniel ends up going to the party on Saturday. He needs to get out of the house
or he'll get mad and finds no better place. He's never been to Fernando's
house, but he approximately knows where it is situated, and when he gets there
it's not that hard to find it. It's the biggest and the most beautiful house
and the loud music can be heard from miles away.
The guy standing in front of the gates lets Daniel in after a suspicious glance
at his tattoos. When he finds the pool, his first instinct is to run away.
Fernando wasn't kidding when he said the whole school was invited, and seems
like everyone has accepted the invitation. Daniel has never been a fan of big
crowds and this one almost makes him sick. There are people everywhere -
dancing, singing, laughing, drinking. Some of them are already drunk enough to
make out in front of everyone.
Daniel grabs the first drink he sees and downs it immediately. He feels a
little calmer after it and moves forward through the dancing bodies. The host
of the evening is nowhere to be seen. Daniel feels that he's subconsciously
looking for him and berates himself for it. Better not to see him at all. He
takes another shot and finds himself a corner from where he can watch the
others. The alcohol has helped him loosen up a little and he feels better.
Looking around he finally spots Fernando. He's sprawled on a chair under a
Hawaii style structure roof, probably meant for VIPs, because there are only
his closest friends around him. He's sipping from his glass filled with bright
blue liquid and a slutty looking girl is giving him a lap-dance, which he is
apparently enjoying a lot. Daniel feels sick again. He wants to leave, but the
thought of returning home makes him sicker. He keeps looking at Fernando
wondering what's his parents attitude towards all this and how they can let
their son get away with being such an obnoxious prick.
The girl makes herself comfortable in Fernando's lap and leaning over him licks
his lips. Fernando pulls her closer and thrusts his tongue into her mouth.
Daniel clenches his fists and looks away. He's shaking in rage, ready to kill
someone. He doesn't know why it makes him so mad. What did he expect coming
here? This is what Fernando is - a rich, spoiled brat who's always had
everything his way and who doesn't care about anyone but himself.
Daniel makes his way back to the drinks trying not to glance towards Fernando's
direction again. He takes a glass and downs it without looking what it is. The
liquid burns his throat and he winces.
"Wouldn't take you for a vodka drinking guy," someone purrs from behind and
Fernando appears in Daniel's line of sight.
Daniel doesn't say anything, just glares at him. He's got another drink in his
hand, absent by the look of it, his speech is slurred and his look is dazed.
Daniel himself is way past tipsy, but Fernando is downright drunk.
He comes closer and motions to the bartender to refill his and Daniel's
glasses. He's standing next to Daniel, their shoulders are touching. Daniel's
breathing quickens and he unnoticeably moves away by a few inches. Fernando
turns his head to him and smiles. Daniel stops breathing for a second. He's
never seen Fernando smile this way. All he's seen were mocking grins and
smirks, but this... This smile seems genuine, gentle, it lights up his face and
makes Daniel want to run away without looking back, but also makes him want to
stay and hope to see it again.
"I didn't think you'd come," Fernando says.
"Didn't have anything better to do," Daniel grumbles.
"So? Do you like my party?" Fernando asks taking a sip from his glass.
"No," Daniel answers truthfully.
Fernando grins. "And what kind of parties do you like?"
"I don't like parties."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I don't like crowds."
Fernando has his usual mocking smile playing on his lips. "Then let's go to my
VIP lounge. It's not as crowded there."
Daniel drinks half of his drink in one shot. He doesn't know what this guy
wants from him now. Inviting him to his special circle? It seems like a plot to
ridicule him.
"Look, why don't you go to humor your other guests?" Daniel says annoyed, "Or,
I don't know, return to your stripper or whatever."
"You mean Linda?" Fernando licks his lips in a suggestive manner. "She's
something, isn't she? I can introduce her to you if you want to. Come with me."
He grabs Daniel's hand trying to drag him to his VIP lounge as he put it, but
Daniel pushes him away. "I think you have to pay attention also to the others,"
he says gritting his teeth.
"I don't do what I have to, I do what I want to," Fernando says.
Daniel gulps down the rest of his drink to distract himself from the desire to
punch Fernando. His glass is immediately refilled.
"I asked you to leave me alone," he groans.
"I don't want to," Fernando shrugs.
"Then what do you want from me?"
"I told you. I want to be your friend."
Daniel closes his eyes and sighs. "Look, if this is some kind of a sick joke
you and your friends have organized, cut it out, it's not going to work. I'm
not going to let you make fun of me."
"Why would it be a joke?" Fernando says surprised.
"Why would you want to be my friend?"
"You think you don't deserve my friendship?" Fernando grins.
"I think you don't deserve mine," Daniel snaps.
Fernando's face falls. He brings his hand to Daniel's face. "Why are you so
rude to me, Freckles?" he says sadly, tracing his finger over Daniel's
cheekbone.
And, God, Daniel is so drunk, because he actually feels guilty for making
Fernando sad and, fuck, he suddenly wishes Fernando would keep caressing his
face. By sheer strength of will he grabs Fernando's hand and shoves it away.
"Because I'm not Freckles," he hisses, "Because you've been rude to me from the
first day. Because you're a spoiled brat who doesn't respect anyone, even his
own father."
"Fuck you," Fernando says, losing his composure for the first time, "You don't
have a right to talk shit about me, when you don't even want to get to know me.
I just wanted to be your friend, but if you think you're so superior to me,
then fuck you." He casts a livid glance at Daniel and starts walking away
quickly, but after doing a few steps stops and turns back abruptly. "And for
your information 'Freckles' was a compliment," he shouts, "In case you haven't
noticed, I have them too!"
Daniel remains petrified, watching how Fernando disappears in the crowd. He
feels bad to the point that he almost runs after him, but instead turns to the
bar and takes another drink.
                                      ~~~
When Daniel is drunk enough to have troubles standing on his feet, he decides
that it's the right time to go looking for Fernando. He isn't with the dancers,
isn't with the joint smokers, isn't with the drinkers. He isn't even with his
friends and they are too out of it to even understand what Dan is asking them.
After a long and unfruitful searching Daniel finally gives up and decides to
leave. It's already late and he still has to walk a little so as not to go home
in this state. He leaves the pool and walks to the gate, but as soon as he
turns around the house, he spots a lone figure walking slowly with a bottle in
his hand.
"Fernando," Daniel calls, suddenly feeling happy.
He tries to run to the other boy, but stumbles on his own feet and falls down.
Fernando laughs loudly walking to Daniel.
"You're drunk," he slurs sitting next to him.
"You too," Daniel grins.
Looks like Fernando isn't mad at him. Daniel supposes he should be grateful to
the almost empty bottle in his hand.
"Nah, I'm g-g-good," Fernando stutters, "Where were you going? Is the party
over?"
"I was looking for you," Daniel says, "Wanted to-to, uh, apologize."
"Yeah?"
Daniel nods.
"For everything?"
"For everything I said today. You're right, I have no right to say those things
to you in your house."
"But you still think they are true," Fernando says quietly, "You just say you
had no right to tell me it."
Daniel keeps quiet. He doesn't like lying, and Fernando isn't mistaken in this
case - Daniel still thinks he's a prick. If he weren't so drunk, he would keep
it to himself, but now he just can't stop the words from pouring out. "You
haven't given me a reason to think otherwise. All you do is showing off your
dad's money."
Within two seconds his back is pressed to the grass ad Fernando's hands are
around his throat. "Stop bringing up my dad," he hisses.
"Why?" Daniel breathes.
"Because I hate him," Fernando shouts, "I fucking hate him."
Daniel knows he's pushing the boundaries, but he can't help himself. "It feels
more like you hate yourself."
"Well, maybe I hate myself too," he says looking into Daniel's eyes, "But I
don't hate you."
Daniel feels Fernando's breath over his cheek. It makes him shudder. "Okay," he
says licking his lips.
Fernando stares at him. "Okay," he repeats and crushes his mouth on Daniel's.
Fernando tastes of absent, and Daniel thinks his kiss is making him drunker
than all the alcohol he’s consumed today. Fernando is panting now, throwing his
head back to take short breaths, but then returns to ravaging Daniel’s mouth. A
little voice in Daniel’s head keeps screaming that this is wrong, that he has
to stop, but he is already achingly, painfully hard and he deafens that voice
by grinding his crotch against Fernando’s.
The other boy lets out an undignified whimper and presses his crotch to
Daniel’s again. Dan groans feeling that he’s not the only one with a hard-on
here. Fernando’s hands dig into his shoulders as he keeps grinding against Dan
and deafening his moans by kisses. Lowering his hand along Daniel’s body
Fernando cups him through his pants. Daniel throws his head back with a soft
“ah” and pushes into Fernando’s hand. He yelps in surprise, then moans loudly,
when Fernando’s teeth graze his throat.
“Oh God,” Fernando pants sucking on Daniel’s collarbone, “God, you smell so
good. I’ve wanted… Since you that day, in the school, ah, in the school
bathroom. It’s driving…Your smell... Driving me crazy.”
He keeps palming Daniel and himself through the rough jeans material, and Dan
feels that he’s going to lose it right then and there.
“Wait,” he moans, “We can’t… Not… here. Fuck, I can’t…”
“Not here,” Fernando repeats, “Let’s go.”
He rolls off Daniel, who bites his lip not to whine because of the loss of the
contact. Fernando gets up swaying on his feel, displaying the prominent bulge
in his pants.
“Where…” Daniel stops, unable to formulate his thoughts.
“My room,” Fernando answers, “C’mon.”
Daniel gets up after a few attempts and clings to Fernando to keep his balance.
Everything is spinning around him. Fernando suddenly palms him again. Daniel
cries out and Fernando giggles, hiding his face in Daniel’s neck. He takes
Daniel’s hand and drags him to the house. Once they’re inside, Fernando turns
to kiss him again. They grind against each other filling the empty house with
their moans until Fernando pulls back.
“Upstairs,” he says hoarsely.
On the way to Fernando’s room both of them stumble at least twice, but get up
laughing and panting. Fernando kicks the door open and drags Daniel inside.
It’s dark in the room, but he doesn’t bother to turn on the light, just pushes
Daniel on the bed and jumps over him. He tries to unzip his pants, but curses
frustrated, when the fly doesn’t obey. Daniel, meanwhile, is writhing on the
bed thanks to Fernando’s attention to his crotch.
“Take off,” Fernando whines.
He leaves Daniel to struggle with his pants, while he’s occupied with his own.
Daniel finally takes off his jeans, groaning when his cock is freed. He looks
at Fernando, who’s rummaging in his drawers cursing loudly.
“Quick, quick, quick,” Daniel urges, barely resisting the desire to touch his
cock himself.
“Hold on,” Fernando says, “Fuck, where is it? Oh, here.”
He jumps back on the bed and flips Daniel over. The boy cries out, when his
cock touches the mattress.
“C’mon,” he whines.
“Yeah, sorry,” Fernando mutters, “Gotta do this… properly.”
Daniel is glad that at least one of them thinks about doing it properly. He
just wants to do it already, wants to give in to the overwhelming desire, wants
to put out the fire burning inside.
He gasps and squirms uncomfortably, when he feels Fernando’s cold finger in his
ass, but urges him to continue, when Fernando stops. By the time Fernando’s
three fingers are inside Daniel, he’s shamelessly writhing, moaning and begging
for more. Nothing else exists for him at that moment except himself, Fernando
and the desire to feel Fernando closer.
The other boy withdraws his fingers. Daniel’s lip starts bleeding as he bites
on it not to scream in protest. Fernando lifts up his hips and Daniel prepares
himself for a brutal thrust, but when Fernando enters him, it’s so gently,
carefully, torturously slow that Daniel practically starts sobbing.
“Fuck,” Fernando whispers, “You feel so good.”
Daniel wants to return the compliment, but Fernando pushes deeper and hits a
spot which makes Dan scream forgetting everything about dignity.
“Good?” Fernando pants.
“God, yes, move, please, move.”
And Fernando does. When he’s confident that he’s not hurting Daniel, he
accelerates his pace making Daniel cry out and clench his fists around the bed
sheet. He’s loud too, moaning and cursing as he’s thrusting into Daniel’s heat,
digging his nails in Daniel’s shoulders and repeating his name like a mantra.
Daniel goes in frenzy, when Fernando wraps his hand around his erection and
starts jerking him off in rhythm with his thrusts.
“Fuck, you’re good,” he moans, “I love your back. Your tattoos have been
driving me crazy. Fuck, Dan, you’re perfect."
Daniel almost loses his voice as Fernando hits that spot inside him again and
sinking his teeth in his shoulder comes inside him shouting Daniel's name. His
release triggers also Daniel's and he screams hoarsely coming into Fernando's
hand. He slumps down on the bed feeling how Fernando is sliding out of him.
Seems like he blacks out for a few seconds as Fernando's arm around his waist
catches him by surprise.
"Mmm, you smell good," he mumbles nuzzling Daniel's neck.
Daniel chuckles tiredly. He falls asleep while thinking that he should probably
dress and somehow get home.
                                      ~~~
Horrible headache is what wakes Daniel up. He groans and slowly opens his eyes
just to close them again a second later. What the hell did he drink yesterday
that now makes him want to chop off his own head? He tries opening his eyes
again and freezes. This is not his room. This is definitely not his room. Very
slowly he turns his pounding head to the right. Oh, fuck. He's lying next to a
naked and sleeping Fernando Torres. The images of his passionate night with
Fernando flood his mind. Shit, shit, shit. What the hell was he thinking?
He somehow gets out of the bed, finds his clothes and while putting on his
jeans stumbles and almost falls down. Fernando groans in his sleep and Daniel
freezes holding his breath. But Fernando only pulls the cover over himself and
doesn't open his eyes. Daniel sighs relieved and throwing one last look at
Fernando, quietly slips out of the room. He has to get home as soon as
possible. How could he be such an idiot? How could he spend the night with some
guy after getting wasted, especially if said guy is Fernando Torres.
He jumps up, when going down the stairs sees an elderly woman cleaning off the
mess in the living-room. Daniel doesn't remember how they made that mess
yesterday, but he's sure it's their work.
"Uh, hello," he says.
The woman just throws a disgusted look at him and shakes her head. Daniel
flushes and quickly makes his way out of the house. He prays that his dad
hasn't noticed his absence during the night.
                                      ~~~
Fernando jolts up with a bloodcurdling scream, panting heavily and shaking with
whole body. He opens his mouth for air, but it doesn't reach his lungs. He
doubles over coughing and hyperventilating, trying desperately to breathe. His
vision is already blackening when he feels the first streams of fresh air. He
breaks down sobbing face pressed to knees, then raises his head and lets out a
loud wail. His breath is hitching, he starts hyperventilating again, clutching
at the sheets. Sobs are tearing his chest apart, he coughs, weeping, and tries
to breathe feeling powerless to end this.
"Please," he wails between sobs, "Make this stop, please."
"Fernando," he hears the worried voice of his father, "Fernando, what's going
on? I just came back and heard your screaming. Is it a panic attack? Did you
have a nightmare again?"
His father grabs his shoulders and Fernando screams trashing in his hold. "Let
me go. Don't touch me."
His father releases him, but remains sitting on his bed. "Fer, breathe, look at
me and breathe."
But Fernando can't breathe. He's trashing and kicking out. "Get out," he sobs,
"I don't want to see you. I hate you. Leave me alone."
"Fernando, I want to help you."
"I don’t need your help," Fernando shrieks, "You're making it worse. You're
making it worse."
He wants to thrust his hands into his hair and pull, but his hair is too short
for it. So he digs his nails into his scalp, starts rocking back and forth
still weeping his heart out. His father gets up and moves to the door, but
remains there looking at his son helplessly.
"Go," Fernando sobs, "Please, go."
His father sighs and leaves. Fernando doesn't stop sobbing and shaking. He
tries, but it just doesn't stop. He starts coughing again and falls back on the
bed. God, why doesn't it end? He thought he got it under control.
He turns to his side and curls up in a ball. Closes his eyes and tries
counting. It doesn't help. He still has troubles breathing and his sobs don't
stop. He crawls to the other side of the bed and suddenly takes a whiff of
something familiar. He can't place what smell it is, but it's comforting and
Fernando hugs the pillow pressing it to his face. It seems to help. He breathes
in the smell and flashes of hard muscles and tattoos pass in front of his eyes.
He remembers moans, remembers warm skin under his fingers, remembers his name
being shout out. His sobs gradually stop and he is finally able to breathe
freely. Exhausted, Fernando rolls on his back, still clutching the pillow to
his chest. The panic attack is over, but now he's got something else to panic
about.
He fucked Daniel Agger.
***** Chapter 2 *****
First thing Fernando does as soon as he enters the classroom on Monday morning
is looking for Daniel. But he hasn't arrived yet. The class has already started
when he comes in, mumbles apologies to the teacher and goes to his place
without looking at anyone. Fernando tries not to look at him either, but can't
help glancing when he sits down, and gasps when he sees Daniel's face. His
right eye is black, his jaw is bruised too, and when he tries to move on his
seat and winces, Fernando feels sick. Did he do this to Daniel? He couldn't
have done it. He doesn't remember much, but what he remembers makes him think
that it was really good and Daniel was a willing participant. But then, maybe
it was the alcohol that made him feel so. Daniel was drunk, what if Fernando
took advantage of him? It equals rape, doesn't it?
Fernando feels like he's going to throw up any minute. He couldn't have done
it, it was good, it felt good. But the bruises and the sitting difficulties? He
has to talk to Daniel, has to make sure it's not his fault. He glances at
Daniel again. The other boy turns his head to him at that moment. Their gazes
meet and they both look away immediately.
Fernando can't keep still till the end of the class, but as soon as the teacher
dismisses them, Daniel grabs his backpack and flees. Fernando doesn't manage to
say even a word. He runs after him, but doesn't find him. Dan isn't in his next
class, but after that they have History together, and Fernando stands in front
of the classroom door waiting for Daniel to appear. But instead of Daniel
appears the teacher.
"Mr. Torres?" he says holding the classroom door open.
Fernando sighs and enters. Daniel joins the class a minute later, walking to
his seat head bowed. Fernando feels waves of guilt wash over him. If he's the
reason of Daniel's anguish, he'll never forgive himself.
The minutes pass torturously slow for Fernando, and as soon as the class is
over, he jumps to his feet and grabs Daniel's arm before he can escape. But Dan
shakes it free and shoves Fernando away running out of the classroom. Fernando
immediately follows him and reaches him next to the restroom door.
"Daniel, wait, we have to talk," he cries.
Daniel turns to him. "About?"
"About what-what happened that night," Fernando murmurs.
"What happened, happened. There is nothing to talk about," Daniel says sharply.
"I'm sorry," Fernando says, "You were drunk. I shouldn't have taken...
advantage of it."
Daniel snorts. "Taken advantage? What are you talking about? You were even more
drunk. Totally smashed."
"Then it-it isn't me who's done that?" He points to Daniel's bruises.
Daniel stares at him and laughs. "You? No offense, but if this was your work,
your pretty face would be unrecognizable now."
"Oh," Fernando says relieved, "I just-I tend to be rough when I'm drunk, so..."
"No, you weren't rough," Daniel says blushing, "On the contrary..."
"Yeah? Good," Fernando smiles at him and then frowns. "So if it wasn't me, then
who gave you these bruises."
Daniel takes a breath. "It's none of your business."
"But..."
"But nothing," Daniel snaps, "I think I asked you to leave me alone."
Two days ago Fernando would have had a snarky reply ready, but now he just
keeps looking at Daniel silently. He wants to put his mask back, wants to say
something that will rile Daniel up, but finds that he is unable to do it.
Daniel apparently wasn't expecting his silence either, because he raises his
eyebrows in surprise. Fernando panics, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable,
scared that Daniel will see his real pathetic self under all the layers
covering it.
"You were asking for something else that night," he finally says, though it
comes out hoarse and unconvincing.
Nevertheless, Daniel blushes and throws a furious and betrayed look at
Fernando.
"Fuck you," he hisses and shoves past Fernando to the restroom.
"Wait," Fernando calls, but Daniel doesn't stop.
He doesn't try to communicate with Daniel again that day, but can't help
glancing furtively at him from time to time.
                                      ~~~
Daniel's bruises fade after a week or so, but Fernando still doesn't know who's
hit him. He's tried to talk to Daniel, but every time the other boy finds a way
to avoid him. Fernando is already desperate. He doesn't understand why Daniel
is doing it after that night. If Fernando didn't do anything wrong, why doesn't
he want at least to talk to him? Especially that Fernando can't stop thinking
about him, not that he's going to tell Daniel about it.
One day in the second week after the party Fernando decides that he has to talk
to Daniel at any cost and catching him by surprise drags him to the empty
locker room.
"What the fuck?" Daniel cries, "Let me go."
"We have to talk," Fernando says.
Daniel glares at him. "What do you want?"
"Why are you avoiding me?"
"Why are you following me?"
"B-because I, uh, I thought we-we..." Fernando gulps. "Aren't we..."
"You used to be more eloquent," Daniel leers, "What has happened?"
Fernando takes a deep breath and wishes he would get a grip. He doesn't
recognize himself. He hasn't been himself after that fucking panic attack. He
hates that Daniel can see it.
"I thought we were friends," he says trying to get his smirk back. It usually
unnerves Daniel and that's what he wants now.
"And I thought you got what you wanted and would end this friends bullshit."
Fernando's eyes go wide. "What? You think I just wanted to fuck you?"
"What else, daddy's boy? I told you that you can't buy me and you decided to
prove to me that I'm wrong."
Daniel has barely finished the phrase, when Fernando launches at him pinning
him to a locker. "I told you not to call me daddy's boy," he hisses.
Daniel gulps, but keeps looking into Fernando's eyes. "And I told you to leave
me alone. Is it so difficult to understand?"
Fernando takes a deep breath. God, Daniel's smell. It makes him dizzy and he
barely keeps himself from pulling him closer and kissing him. "Why don't you
want to be my friend?" he whispers.
Wow, way to go, Fernando. You're already begging for the attention of someone
who clearly loathes you. How pathetic can you get?
"I don't trust people like you," Daniel says, "And about what happened... I was
just drunk, it doesn't mean anything. Stay away from me."
Fernando feels like crying, but biting the inside of his cheek stops himself.
He lets go of Daniel, smirks and casts him a derisive look. "Your loss,
Freckles," he says coldly.
Without waiting to see Daniel's reaction he turns back and leaves.
                                      ~~~
Daniel glances at Fernando, but quickly looks away, when he thinks the other
boy wants to look back. It's been already a few days since their confrontation
in the locker room and Fernando has made no attempt to harass him again. Daniel
feels relieved, but also strangely empty. He hasn't stopped thinking about that
night, but he really doesn't trust Fernando. Doesn't trust anyone for that
matter. He can't afford risking his heart for an unlikely affair and he most
certainly can't afford the problems it will bring. He trembles just thinking
about those problems.
It's just started raining when Daniel goes out of the school. He walks home
quickly expecting to see his mother when he enters, but she isn't there.
"Mum?" he calls walking into the kitchen, "Mum, I'm home."
But instead of his mother, his father walks out of the bedroom. He looks very
drunk and very mad and Daniel takes a step back in any case. He walks to Daniel
with a piece of paper in his hand.
"You little traitor," his father shouts suddenly, giving him a hard slap, "You
knew about this."
Daniel shakes his head quickly, then stammers, "A-about what?"
"About this," his father bellows thrusting the paper into Daniel's hand.
It's his mother's handwriting and Daniel's heart starts beating furiously even
before reading. "Daniel, baby, I'm so sorry, but I couldn't take it anymore.
I'm leaving, Daniel, I wish I could take you with me, but it's not possible,
and I can't keep on living with your father. Forgive me if you can. Love you.
Mum."
Daniel's eyes fill with tears as he stares incredulous at the paper. "She
left," he whispers.
His father's blow takes him by surprise and makes him stagger backwards.
"You son of a bitch," his father snarls hitting him again, "You helped her."
Daniel's nose is bleeding, but he doesn't feel any pain. He can only think
about how his mother could leave him, could leave him alone with this man.
"Where is she?" his father shouts shaking Daniel, "Where is that bitch?"
Daniel shoves him hard on the chest. "Shut up. Don't talk that way about mum."
"You little fucker," his father growls, "You don't talk to me that way."
He throws Daniel to the ground with a mighty punch to the gut. He tries to get
up, but the man gathers his wrists in his big hands and pushes his knee on his
son's back.
"Let me go," Daniel shouts.
His father grips his wrists tighter. "You want me to punish you like a little
kid again?" he says, "Didn't you learn your lesson last time? Do you want me to
repeat it again?"
"No," Daniel whispers, "Don't. Dad, don't."
"You left me no choice, Daniel."
"Dad, please," Daniel begs swallowing down the tears, "Dad... Daddy, please..."
"Don't move and take this like a man," his father says.
Daniel looks back and sees him take off his belt and crack it in the air. He
pulls down his pants, so his father won't have to do it, and starts weeping
from the sheer humiliation.
                                      ~~~
The rain is pouring down, there is no one out, only people in cars and bikes
hurrying home. Daniel is already soaked to the bone, but he doesn't care. He's
aimlessly wandering along the streets, numb to the cold and to the pain,
unaware of the tears running down his face. He doesn't notice his surroundings
until a bike dashes past him splashing water from a puddle all over his already
soaked pants.
"Fucking idiot," Daniel shouts.
The biker stops, probably having heard Daniel, turns back and drives to him.
Before he will reach him, Daniel recognizes the bike and groans inwardly.
"Who's an idiot, me or you?" Fernando says stopping the bike next to Daniel,
"What the hell are you doing under this rain?" He glances at Daniel teasingly
and then his eyes suddenly widen, "Oh God, what's happened to you?"
He brings his hand in fingerless gloves to Daniel's cheek and touches carefully
one of the newly formed bruises there. Daniel flinches not from the pain, but
from the warmth of Fernando's fingers and of his gaze. He feels his throat
clogging up and starts panicking that he will start crying in front of
Fernando.
"I-I have to go," he croaks taking a few steps back.
"You'll get a pneumonia till you reach your place," Fernando says, "Jump on,
I'll take you home."
Daniel quickly takes another step back. "N-no, I don't want to go home."
He hopes Fernando doesn't notice the tears in his eyes, though he couldn't have
missed the fear in his voice.
"Then I won't take you home," Fernando says, "But jump on, you can't stay under
this rain."
Daniel's throat constricts and he can only nod and get on the bike.
"I don't have a second helmet," Fernando says apologetically, "Hold tight, I'll
try not to crash us."
Daniel even manages to smile. Fernando starts off the bike and Daniel wraps his
hands around his waist pressing his chest to Fernando's warm body and for the
first time feeling how cold he is. Riding on a bike under pouring rain isn't a
pleasant experience, the rain whips over Daniel's face, but it's not the reason
he hides it behind Fernando's shoulder. He's thankful that the roaring of the
engine blocks his sobs and the rain masks his tears.
                                      ~~~
Daniel opens his eyes only when Fernando stops the bike. They're in front of
Fernando's house and Daniel stares at the other boy, as he takes off his
helmet.
"You brought me to your place?"
"Where else?" Fernando shrugs, " You didn't want to go home. Now let's go
inside, I'm fucking freezing."
Daniel reluctantly follows him to the house and upstairs, but doesn't enter
Fernando's room after him stopping in front of the door.
"What are you waiting for?" Fernando calls.
"I-I'm... My shoes are all muddy," Daniel mumbles.
"And you didn't think about it in the living room?" Fernando laughs, "Don't
worry, come in and take them off."
Fernando is already shirtless when Daniel enters. He stares at his chest and
swallows. He's got freckles also on it. Daniel didn't notice it that night.
Fernando takes out some clothes from his wardrobe, puts it on the bed and opens
a door. "Here is the shower," he says, "Get in, you can wear these." He points
to the clothes.
"And-and you?"
"I'll take the other shower," Fernando says, "Quick, you're going to freeze."
He takes clothes also for himself and leaves. Daniel goes into the bathroom,
takes off his clothes and steps under the hot shower. He doesn't want to think
that he's at Fernando's house, in his bathroom, that he's let that arrogant
prick take him to his place. But if he doesn't think of Fernando, he starts
thinking about his mum and the red stripes on his backside and about how great
it would be if he really froze to his death.
He doesn't know how long he is in the bathroom, but it's already starting to
become too hot and he goes out to find Fernando sitting on the bed.
"Oh, here you are," he says, "I thought you'd run out of the bathroom window."
He laughs awkwardly and moves higher on the bed, sitting on it cross-legged.
Daniel considers sitting on a chair, but then decides that the soft bed will be
better for his wounded buttocks and joins Fernando. He looks around and for the
first time really sees Fernando's room. It's large enough, larger than Daniel's
anyway, luminous, with a big bed, a desk and a wardrobe. The walls are white,
but they're covered with posters of various bands, bikes and a few sci-fi
movies.
"So?" Fernando says, "What happened?"
'None of your business' is on the tip of Daniel's tongue, but he bites it back.
He feels like he owes Fernando an explanation. He gulps and moves on the bed,
trying to find a position where it will hurt the least. "My mum left," he
mumbles.
"Left?" Fernando says, "Where did she go?"
"I don't know," Daniel cries, "She just left. I don't know where she is, I
don't know how she could..."
His voice breaks and he covers his face with his hands. Fuck, he's crying, in
front of Fernando of all people. He feels Fernando's arm around his shoulder,
makes a weak attempt to shake it off, but Fernando just holds him tighter.
"I'm so sorry, Daniel," he whispers.
Dan wipes his eyes furiously, but they refill with tears. Suddenly he feels
Fernando's warm hands on his cheeks.
"Don't cry," he says wiping away his tears, but Daniel is choking with silent
sobs. "Don't," Fernando whispers.
Daniel feels his breath on his lips and the next second Fernando is kissing him
- a gentle, comforting kiss which makes Daniel's blood boil with anger.
"What the fuck?" he shouts shoving Fernando away.
"I-I just..."
"You just thought that now, when I'm vulnerable, why not to try to fuck me
again," Daniel snarls.
"No... I... S-sorry..." Fernando stutters taking a pillow and clutching it to
his chest, "It helped... I thought..."
"What did you think?" Daniel shouts, "That your tongue in my mouth is the best
solution? That it will make me forget that my mum left me?"
"Daniel, I understand how you feel..."
"You fucking don't," Daniel cries, "You're living your comfortable life,
creating problems for yourself out of nothing just because you're bored. You
don't know how I feel. You don't know what real pain is."
"I know, Daniel."
"What do you know?" Daniel shouts, "How could you know what it is?"
"I watched my mum die," Fernando says quietly.
"What?" Daniel croaks hoping he's misheard him.
Fernando is staring down. "I was twelve," he says, "Mum was meeting a friend
and I was with her. We got home earlier than expected... She saw dad with
another woman. She was so mad, she took the car and drove away. She took me
with her." He stops for a second to wipe away a tear. "She was driving so fast.
Kept crying and pushing the accelerator. We'd been driving for hours, we were
on some highway, it was already dark and there were no other cars. I asked
where we were going to and she started crying again." Fernando takes a deep
breath and clutches at the pillow tighter. "She hit a tree," he goes on, "I-
I don't remember much, maybe I blacked out. When I opened my eyes, I was upside
down. The car had turned over. I just remember that I started crying, because
my arm hurt so much. It was broken, the doctors told me later. Mum was worse. I
kept crying and calling her and she finally opened her eyes. She was in so much
pain."
Fernando isn't able to hold back a sob and Daniel squeezes his hand. He hasn't
noticed how he appeared next to Fernando. He wants to tell him to stop talking,
but feels that he needs it, needs to talk about this, so he waits until
Fernando gets his breathing under control.
"I was so scared," he croaks, "Mum kept telling me that it was going to be
okay, that we were going to get out of there. She even tried to crawl out of
the car, but she couldn't. We were shouting for help, but there wasn't anyone.
She was getting weaker and weaker. She was dying, she knew it and I could see
it too, but I didn't believe it. I wanted to believe that we'd get out and
everything would be fine again. She stopped saying that it'd be okay after a
while. She couldn't even talk anymore. The last thing she whispered to me was
that she was sorry and that she loved me."
His starts sobbing and Daniel doesn't know what to do. He just keeps caressing
Fernando's hand and mumbling how sorry he is. But it doesn't seem to comfort
the crying boy. His sobs get louder and he starts hyperventilating. Daniel
pulls him into a hug and Fernando starts taking deep breaths and gradually
calms down enough to continue.
"She-she smiled to me weakly once and stilled. Her eyes were open, but I could
see that she wasn't there anymore. They were empty, there wasn't any life in
them. She was... She was dead... But I refused to believe it. I was calling
her, begging her to answer me, but-but she..." Fernando takes another
shuddering breath. "She didn't. I kept passing out and coming to and all I
could see were her empty eyes staring at me... They found me only in the
morning."
He falls silent and Daniel feels the urge to hug him again, so he does. "I'm so
sorry," he whispers, "It's horrible. And I'm sorry for what I've told you."
Fernando nods and tries to smile making Daniel feel like a real asshole. Why
did he lash out at the poor boy without knowing anything?
"I've never talked about this with anyone," Fernando says hoarsely, "Not even
with the various psychologists my dad hired. Actually, for over a year after
the accident I didn't talk to anyone at all. Didn't say even a word for a
year." His eyes fill with tears again. "And you know what was the first thing I
told dad, when I started talking again? It's your fault. I told him it was his
fault. I was so angry... He did everything to win me back, to make me less
angry at him, to-to make me love him again. He never put any restrictions on
me. He knew how much I love bikes, so bought me one. And do you know what I
told him then?" He lets out a sob and hugs his knees. "I told him it's not
going to bring her back. I wanted it to be his fault. I wanted him to feel
guilty, thought it would make me feel better about myself. Because the truth is
that it was my fault. I killed her. I killed my mum."
He slides down on the bed and curls up around the pillow trying to keep silent,
but still letting a few sobs tear out of his chest.
Daniel wipes away his tears. "It's not your fault," he says, "Shh, it's not."
But Fernando just shakes his head. "I made her come back earlier. I was bored
and I kept whining until she gave in. She could have been alive if we just
stayed a little longer as planned. She wouldn't have known that dad was
cheating on her. It's my fault, I killed her, then I made dad's life miserable.
You were right avoiding me. I make everyone miserable."
"No, I wasn't right, I was an idiot," Daniel says, "And I'm sorry. It wasn't
your fault, Fernando, it wasn't anyone's fault. You couldn't have known. Shh,
don't cry, don't blame yourself."
But Fernando just hides his face in the pillow shaking with sobs. Daniel can't
believe that this is Fernando Torres, the arrogant prick, breaking apart in
front of him. He doesn't know why Fernando chose him to open his soul, but it
doesn't matter. He did and Daniel now feels somehow responsible for him. He
lies down next to him, takes the pillow away and pulls Fernando to his chest
letting him cry on his shoulder. The other boy breathes in greedily, tightening
his grip on Daniel's waist and stops crying in a few minutes.
"You smell so good," he mumbles and Daniel smiles. "You know, I-I have
nightmares sometimes," Fernando continues, "And panic attacks. I had a real bad
one after that night when we... It was horrible, I haven't had one that bad for
over a year. I was scared, I thought I was going to die. It didn't stop until I
smelled you on the pillow. It-it helped me and the memories of the night made
the panic attack end. That's why I kissed you. I thought I would help you too.
I'm sorry."
Instead of answering Daniel lifts Fernando's chin up and kisses him. The other
boy sighs and kisses him back so eagerly like this is everything he's ever
wanted. His hand moves to cup Daniel's face making him wince, when Fernando
touches one of the bruises accidently.
"Oh, sorry," he says pulling back, then looks into Daniel's eyes. "You didn't
tell me who's done this to you."
Daniel looks away and curls up on himself. "My dad," he murmurs.
Fernando's eyes widen. "Your dad?"
Daniel feels his throat clogging up again. "Mum left because he used to beat
her," he says quietly, "She couldn't stand this life anymore. He hit-hits me
too, when I tried to protect her or when I do something he doesn't like.
Sometimes it's worse than usual. That night... I got home only in the morning
and he... He got so angry. And today he hit me, because he thought I'd helped
mum leave."
Fernando is looking at him with a shocked expression, which quickly turns into
a worried one. "Is it only your face? Do you have anything broken? Do you need
to see a doctor?" he says quickly.
Daniel stares at him in surprise, unused to such attention. "No, I don't need a
doctor," he says finally, "I don't think I have anything broken. I just..." He
closes his eyes, feeling unable to say what he wanted. But Fernando was honest
with him, told him things that he doesn't tell anyone, and Daniel thinks that
it would be unfair if he kept things secret from him. "Last time and today
he... hit me with his belt. Made me stand on all fours, pulled down my pants
and..."
He closes his face with his hands. The wounds left by the belt start burning
again and Daniel can hear the sound it makes before hitting his skin, can feel
his cheeks redden in shame.
"He punishes me like I'm a little kid," he murmurs, "It's so humiliating."
It takes Fernando more than a minute to overcome the shock. "Oh God," he
whispers, "It's, it's, I don't know. We have to do something."
Daniel shrugs. "Maybe I will kill him one day," he mumbles.
Fernando sighs. "Did you treat the wounds before going out of the house?" he
asks.
Daniel doesn't answer. There were no open wounds, thank God, he can survive the
rest.
"Do you want me to call a doctor?" Fernando insists, "Or-or maybe you'll let me
have a look? I could bandage them or-or..."
"No," Daniel says reddening more, "Please, Fernando. I'm fine. Just-just let me
stay here for a while."
He flushes as the words leave his mouth. He feels like a beggar, but he's
already told Fernando his most humiliating secret, so nothing can be worse.
Fernando smiles and kisses Daniel's cheek. "Of course you can stay," he says
and when Daniel looks at him gratefully, adds, "It will be okay, Dan."
Daniel wants so much to believe him, wants to think about only the burning
feeling of Fernando's lips on his skin, but he knows that soon he will have to
return home, to his life where nothing good is waiting for him. But for now he
can as well enjoy the temporary feeling of warmth and safety that Fernando's
proximity provides. His hand finds Fernando's and, emotionally exhausted, they
fall asleep together.
When José, Fernando's father, comes home and goes up to his son's room, he
finds them sleeping face to face, curled up on the bed. He glances at the other
boy in surprise. He doesn't know him, but he has to mean something for his son
if he's let him sleep next to him. Fernando usually avoids sleepovers for the
fear that someone may become a witness of his nightmares, may see him in his
vulnerable state. José sighs seeing the tear traces on Fernando's cheeks,
brings his hand over his face, but doesn't touch him, just keeps looking at him
and holding back his own tears. His poor boy has suffered so much and he
doesn't know how to stop it, how to ease his pain, how to make him happy. He
failed as a parent. Just like he failed as a husband.
Fernando shifts on the bed and smiles in his sleep. José smiles too, because
it's so rare to see a genuine smile on his face. He keeps looking at his son
for a while, then covers both boys with a blanket and leaves.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for posting this so late. I've been so busy and this is getting
     longer and I'm not sure I like this chapter.
Fernando is the first to wake up. He opens his eyes to Daniel's sleeping face,
which looks beautiful even under the ugly bruises. He keeps looking at the
peacefully sleeping boy in front of him, afraid to move and wake him up, afraid
to destroy the magic of the moment. But Daniel, maybe feeling Fernando's look
on him, soon stirs and opens his eyes. His first reaction at seeing Fernando is
to smile and it makes him even more beautiful.
"Hey," Fernando says.
Daniel rubs his eyes and looks around. "Did you put the cover on me?" he asks
sleepily.
Fernando chuckles at his random question. "No, it has to be dad."
That abruptly wakes Daniel up. "What?" he cries, "Your dad saw me sleeping
here?"
"I think so," Fernando says, "He's probably been home for some time. It's
late."
Daniel turns his head to the window and jumps up to his feet. "It's dark," he
gasps, "How long have I been sleeping? I have to go."
"You're going home?" Fernando says, surprised at how terrified his voice
sounds.
"Yeah, it's late," Daniel says sadly.
Fernando takes his hand. "Stay here," he pleads, "What if he... hurts you? I
don't want you to go back."
Daniel looks at his feet. "He has to be sleeping now," he mumbles, "Or
drinking. Don't worry, I'll be fine."
Fernando forces himself to let go of Daniel, because he doesn't want to seem
clingy. "Okay," he sighs, "I'll take you home."
Daniel shakes his head. "I'll get there on my own, thanks."
He seems so distant now, not like the Daniel who smiled at Fernando upon waking
up. Fernando's heart clenches thinking that this was just an one time thing and
everything will be back as it used to be.
"Daniel," he says hoarsely, "We are... Are we friends?"
Daniel smiles and shrugs. "If you want to."
Fernando starts breathing again. "Yeah. Sure I do."
"Then we are," Daniel says, "If you let me ride your bike."
Fernando grins. "Tomorrow after school is fine?"
"You'll let me?" Daniel asks surprised.
Fernando nods. "Sure. Have you ever tried?"
"Yeah, long ago. Don't know if I still remember how to do it."
"It's easy if you're careful. I'll help you... If you want to."
Daniel looks at him shyly. "Thank you," he says quietly, "For-for, you know,
for what you..."
"I know," Fernando says, "Thank you."
When they go out of the room, Daniel stops for a second. "Your dad is at home
now?" he mumbles.
"Yeah, but don't worry, he's probably working in his study," Fernando says,
"Even if he sees you, there won't be any problem. He saw you sleeping in my bed
and didn't kick you out, did he?"
Daniel nods, but after a few steps halts again. "It's probably none of my
business," he says, "But you should really talk to him. He... loves you and
it's, you know, it's a... good thing. Not everyone is... I-I think it'll do
good to both of you, if you talk."
Fernando stares at him with a faint smile, fighting against the urge to kiss
him again, and nods once. Daniel smiles too and follows him to the door.
                                      ~~~
After accompanying Daniel outside Fernando returns to his room. The bed still
smells of him and Fernando is sure that he won't have nightmares tonight. He
doesn't know why, but Daniel makes him happy. It's weird, Fernando thought he'd
forgotten what happiness is after the accident. He doesn't know what it is
about Daniel, but it makes him relax, makes him let his guard down and let
Daniel see the real him. He's got a feeling that he of all people won't be
frightened of his real face, won't judge him and won't pity him. He searches
for the guilt and anger inside him, but the anger he finds is aimed only at
Daniel's father. He clenches his fists remembering Daniel's tears and shame. He
was still walking funnily, when Fernando saw him off. How can someone be so
cruel to his own son? Fernando doesn't know what he would do if he were in
Daniel's shoes. But come to think of it, he could have been. His father could
have gone insane with grief and guilt after his mother's death and lashed it
out on Fernando. But he didn't. Fernando did it instead of him. To him.
Fernando gets up from the bad inhaling Daniel's scent for the last time and
heads to his father's study. The door is open and he stands on the doorstep
looking at his dad working on the computer until he looks up and raises his
brows in surprise.
"Fernando?" he says, "Do you need anything?"
Fernando's lips tremble. He knows he deserves this, he talks to his father only
when he needs something from him. He shakes his head.
"Something's wrong?" his father asks worried.
Fernando shakes his head again. "I just..." He swallows the lump in his throat.
"I wanted to do a Star Trek marathon and I, uh, I wondered if... Maybe, you
know... If you're not too busy... "
His father stares at him with disbelief and Fernando wishes he hadn't started
this conversation at all. "If-if you're busy, it's fine," he mumbles, "I'll
just... I-I... it's..."
"I'm not busy at all," José says quickly, "I've been thinking about doing a
sci-fi marathon too."
Fernando lets out a breath. "Yeah? Cool. It's... good."
"Then maybe we should go?" José smiles.
Fernando nods, unable to utter even a word. He doesn't know what he's doing,
but after he'd talked to Daniel, after he'd heard what Daniel's dad is like, he
felt that he needed to make peace with his father, even though he doesn't know
how.
José is almost as nervous as Fernando, but he doesn't let it show. He doesn't
know what made his son approach him with such a request for the first time in
years, but he sure as hell isn't going to miss the chance.
They watch the first few episodes in awkward silence. Fernando doesn't even
follow the plot attentively, he's only thinking about what to say. Fortunately,
his father breaks the silence first. He doesn't say anything serious, just
comments on one of the characters, but Fernando feels like a great weight has
been taken off his soul. He smiles and says something else and soon they start
animatedly discussing what is happening on the screen.
It's already too late, when José shakes Fernando awake. "Go to sleep," he says
smiling, "You have school tomorrow."
Fernando nods sleepily and trails to the stairs. "Night, dad," he says.
Only when he's lying in his bed he understands the shocked look on his father's
face. It was the first time after the accident Fernando has called him dad.
                                      ~~~
When Daniel meets Fernando at school next morning, he can hardly believe that
this is the same broken and vulnerable boy he saw a day ago. There is not a
trace of distress on his face, he looks every bit as smug and arrogant as
before. When he high-fives his friends with a grin, for a second Daniel even
thinks that he was wrong trusting Fernando, that the whole school will soon
know his secrets and laugh at him. But then Fernando looks at him and gives him
a small smile which is worth more than the wide and fake ones he gives his
friends. Daniel can't help smiling back.
Fernando approaches him. "Are you okay?" he asks quietly.
Daniel nods. "And you?"
"Great," Fernando says, "We're meeting today after school, right?"
"If you haven't changed your mind," Daniel says.
"Sure I haven't," Fernando says looking at him like he's crazy, "I promised
you, didn't I?"
"Mr. Torres and Mr. Agger, please, leave your conversation for the break," the
teacher says.
Fernando rolls his eyes and falls back in his chair. Daniel keeps glancing at
him from time to time and whenever their looks meet, they both break into grins
so identical that it's getting ridiculous. After the classes they go to
Fernando's bike together.
"Here," Fernando says handing Daniel a helmet, "I brought a second one for
you."
Daniel puts it on and under the surprised looks of the whole school gets on the
bike and drives off with Fernando. They stop on a highway just out of the town,
next to the forest. Fernando opens his backpack.
"Let's first eat," he says, "I'm starving." He gives Daniel something wrapped
in a paper. "Grabbed you a sandwich too," he says opening his.
"Thanks," Daniel mumbles.
The sit on the grass under a tree chewing their sandwiches. The situation seems
almost surreal to Daniel. A few days ago he wouldn't have imagined sitting
together with Fernando Torres like they're best friends, but now it doesn't
even seem awkward. If Daniel is honest, getting close to Fernando is the best
thing that has happened to him lately.
"So," Fernando breaks the silence, "You got home alright yesterday?"
"Mhm," Daniel says engrossed in his sandwich.
"Any news from your mum?" Fernando asks quickly.
Daniel stops chewing. "No," he says quietly, "She hasn't called. She isn't at
her friends' or at her sister's. Dad says she's run off with another man."
"Don't listen to him..."
"I think he might be right," Daniel says, "She-she would have taken me with her
if she was alone. But maybe that man didn't want... I don't know."
He closes his eyes and only then feels that Fernando is holding his hand and
caressing it with his thumb. "She'll call you, you'll see," he says, "She
probably needs a few days to settle down."
"Even if she does, dad is always next to the phone. He'll never tell me."
Daniel closes his eyes tighter. "He didn't even go drinking yesterday, drank at
home."
"Doesn't he have to go to work?" Fernando asks.
"He didn't yesterday," Daniel says, "And wasn't going to today. Maybe he's been
fired. No one needs an auto mechanic who's drunk half of the time."
"But how..." Fernando starts, but Daniel doesn't want to keep talking about it
anymore.
"Did you talk to you dad?" he interrupts.
Fernando takes a few seconds to recover from the sudden change of subject. "Um,
yeah," he says, "Well, not really. But we did a Star Trek marathon together."
Daniel grins. "Star Trek marathon? So you're secretly a geek?"
"Shut up," Fernando mutters, but can't hold back a smile.
"Just kidding, I like Star Trek too," Daniel says.
"Really?" Fernando's face brightens. "Then maybe we should do a marathon
together?"
"Maybe," Daniel says, "But first let me ride the bike."
"Okay," Fernando drawls, "Let's see what you're capable of. But if you crash my
bike, I'm going to kill you."
Turns out Daniel remembers pretty well how to ride a bike, though it's been
long since the last time he did it. He rediscovers the feeling of freedom and
power as he whirls along the street. He wishes he could keep on riding forever,
leave everything behind and just be free and happy.
Fernando is watching him with an amused smile and wanting to impress him,
Daniel drives to him at a high speed and pushes on the brakes right in front of
the other boy. As a result he rolls over the bike flying a few meters into the
bushes. Before he can even blink, he hears Fernando's quick footsteps
approaching.
"Daniel," Fernando cries, "Dan, please, answer me. Daniel!"
"I'm fine," Daniel says and tries to sit up.
"Oh, God," Fernando breathes, "You scared me to death, you idiot. Lie down,
don't move, you might have a concussion."
"I don't have a concussion," Daniel says.
"Lie. Down." Fernando says pushing him on the chest and crouching over him.
"How many fingers do you see?"
"Three," Daniel says rolling his eyes.
"Right," Fernando smiles and then frowns. "Don't ever do it again, you
understand me?" he says angrily, "Never."
"Sorry," Daniel whispers.
Fernando looks at him and licks his lips. Daniel gulps watching how slowly,
like in the movies, Fernando's face comes closer. The kiss starts slowly,
tentatively as if Fernando's scared of rejection, but when Daniel opens his
mouth for him, he gets bolder. They make out languidly for a few minutes, but
their kisses start getting more and more heated. Fernando impatiently unzips
Daniel's pants and yanks down his underwear, while Daniel is doing the same for
him. Fernando climbs on top of him and they both gasp when their cocks touch.
Fernando pulls Daniel into a kiss again, then lowers his hand and wraps his
fingers around both of their cocks. Daniel throws his head to the side and
moans. Fernando starts moving his hand up and down, smearing the pre-cum on
their members. He rests his head on Daniel's shoulder, panting and gasping. His
pace increases and Daniel bites on his lip to stifle a scream, then sinks his
teeth in Fernando's shoulder. Fernando's movements become more erratic and his
moans get louder. He raises his head to meet Daniel's eyes and plants his mouth
on the lips of the other boy as they come together.
Daniel remains lying with his eyes closed and opens them only when Fernando
rolls off him. He gets up slowly, pulls up his pants and suddenly hears
Fernando's gasp. Daniel closes his eyes feeling his cheeks heat up. Fernando
surely saw the bruises on his backside. He doesn't say anything and doesn't
turn back even when Fernando moves behind him. He only jumps up startled, when
he feels Fernando's lips on his neck. He doesn't talk, just stands there, his
lips pressed to Daniel's skin. Daniel's breathing slowly evens out and he takes
Fernando's hand without a word. They stand like that for a few minutes until
Daniel sighs and moves away.
"We have to go," he says quietly.
Fernando nods. They get on the bike and Fernando takes Daniel home.
"Dan," he calls when Daniel is already opening the door, "Let's do the marathon
tomorrow."
"Okay," Daniel says and watches how Fernando smiles and rides away waving.
                                      ~~~
The empty bottles are the first thing that greet Daniel, when he closes the
door after him. The second one is his father's roar. "Where the fuck have you
been, boy?"
"At school," Daniel says quickly, taking a few steps back to put a safe
distance between him and the man.
"Make something to eat, I'm hungry," his father spits out, slumping on the
couch again.
Daniel goes to the kitchen, takes out a few potatoes and starts peeling them.
Soon he blocks out the sound of the TV and his father shouting something at it,
remembering how warm Fernando's skin is, how the corners of his eyes crinkle
when he smiles, how his voice sends shivers down Daniel's spine.
"You're taking too long," his father shouts making him jump.
Daniel quickly takes the roasted potatoes to him and watches with disgust how
the man stuffs his mouth with them, taking a big gulp of the beer bottle after.
"Don't you..." Daniel gulps, "Don't you have to go to work?"
His father laughs. "Don't even hope I'm gonna leave you here alone. I'll be
here when that whore calls and she will call you, I know it."
Daniel clenches his fists, but bites his lip to refrain from saying anything.
"Get out of my sight," his father barks.
Daniel is more than happy to hide in his room. He concentrates on his school
work for tomorrow to stop himself from thinking about anything. When he
finishes, it's already late. He lies on his bed and puts on his headphones. His
gaze falls on the framed picture of him and his mother and his eyes fill with
tears. He takes the picture and caresses it, then notices that it's folded in a
corner. Daniel takes out the photo from the frame to straighten the fold and
freezes seeing the handwritten message on the backside.
"Danny, my baby, I'm so sorry for leaving you alone. I would take you with me
if only I knew what I'm going to do. The only thing I know is that I can't stay
with your father anymore. But I promise, Danny, as soon as I find a steady job,
I will take you away from there. Until it happens, please, do what he says,
don't make him too mad, don't make him hurt you. Take care of yourself, I will
never forgive myself, if anything happens to you. Please, baby, call the number
below, when you read this, let me know you're fine. Love you. Mum."
Daniel reads the message over and over again, wiping away the traitorous tears.
He knew it, he knew his mother couldn't just abandon him, he knew she loved
him. He sneaks out of the room, searching for the phone, but his father is
sitting next to it like a guarding dog. Daniel thinks of taking the risk and
getting out of the house to call his mum, but if his father catches him, he
will beat him to death. Sighing, Daniel hides the photo in his backpack and
lies back on the bed, deciding to postpone the call till the next day. He
thinks what Fernando's reaction will be when he tells him and smiles imagining
his happiness. He falls asleep with the smile still on his face and dreams of
Fernando and his freckles.
                                      ~~~
The loud bang makes Daniel's eyes snap open. It takes him a few seconds to
register that he's lying in his bed and it's still dark outside. He wants to
turn to the door to see what it was that woke him up, when he hears loud
footsteps and then a chair is kicked out of the way.
"Whore," his father shouts, "That whore left us, left me."
Daniel curls up under the covers and starts praying to God to make him go away.
"Didn't think about me, didn't think about her son," the man keeps shouting,
"She doesn't even love you, Danny." He is coming closer and closer. "But I
loved her, I loved that whore and she betrayed me like this."
Daniel is shaking, rage and fear mixed in his chest. His father sounds awfully
drunk and he's very dangerous at times like this. He stops next to Daniel's bed
and fear engulfs the boy completely.
"You look like her," his father slurs, "You're her copy."
He half-jumps, half-falls on the bed wrapping an arm around Daniel's waist. The
boy jolts up terrified and tries to get away, but his father pulls him back,
slings also his feet around his son and pins him to the bed. "Don't you fucking
move," he growls.
Daniel still keeps trashing and pushing the man away and his father punches him
under the ribs. Daniel coughs and groans in pain, going slack when his dad
backhands him for good measure. "You’re a disobedient, good-for-nothing bitch
just like her," he hisses.
Daniel gags feeling his foul breath on his face. "Dad, please, let go of me,
you're drunk," he whispers, "Please, you're going to regret this in the
morning."
"You look like her," his father just repeats.
He brings his hand to Daniel's face and starts caressing it with two fingers
and when they come close to his lips, Daniel lets out a sob. The man turns him
on his stomach and climbs on top of him, crushing him under his weight,
pressing his sweaty body to his back. Daniel keeps sobbing and shaking in fear
under him, but his father's grip on him just tightens. His hands start moving
up and down Daniel's body and the boy resumes his struggles.
"No," he pleads, "Dad, no, I'm your son."
Daniel stops trashing, when he feels his dad's breathing become shallower and
calmer. He waits for a little longer until he hears him snore, then slowly
crawls out of his clutches. Still shaking and unable to stop the tears, he
takes his backpack and the clothes he is going to wear in the morning and goes
to his parents' room. He locks the door and curls up on his mother's side of
the bed. Slowly overcoming the nausea and the fear, he falls into a restless
sleep.
                                      ~~~
Daniel wakes up later than he should because of the nightmares that didn't want
to let him free. He bursts into the classroom panting, apologizes to the
teacher and takes his place next to Fernando.
"What's wrong?" the other boy whispers looking at him suspiciously, "You look
shaken."
"No, I'm fine," Daniel whispers back, then takes the photo out of his backpack,
"Look."
Fernando reads what's written behind it and suddenly throws his arms around
Daniel's neck. "I told you," he cries.
"Mr. Torres," the teacher says irritated.
"Sorry," Fernando says.
The teacher raises his eyebrows in surprise. The other guys all turn to stare
at him. Fernando rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I said sorry, what?" he snaps.
"Class, attention," the teacher says.
Daniel glances at Fernando, who is looking at his desk stubbornly, his cheeks
painted red.
"I'm ruining my image," he mumbles, "I never apologize." He looks at Daniel
with a lopsided smile. "It's your fault."
"Sorry," Daniel grins.
Fernando shrugs. "I don't care what they think," he says, then looks at the
photo again, "So, did you call her?"
"Not yet," Daniel whispers, "I couldn't get hold of the phone. Dad wouldn't let
me..." He suppresses the shudder running down his spine at the thought of his
father. "I decided to leave it for today. Can I... Can I use your phone?"
"Sure," Fernando says, "After this class, okay?"
"Yeah," Daniel says, "Thank you."
Fernando only winks and Daniel scowls feeling the blush creep to his cheeks.
                                      ~~~
After the class Fernando leads Daniel out of the school and they sit on a bench
in the yard.
"Here," he says handing him the phone, "Call her."
Daniel takes it with a shaking hand and tries to key in the number, but his
fingers tremble and slip on the screen. Fernando takes the phone back and dials
the number himself, then gives it to Daniel. Then he gets up and goes to stand
a little away to give space to the other boy. Daniel smiles gratefully, but
soon forgets everything, when a voice on the other line says, "Hello?"
"Mum?" Daniel breathes.
"Danny, oh my God, you called. I was already thinking that folding the photo
wasn't enough of a hint."
"Mum, where are you?"
"Doesn't matter, Daniel, just tell me you're fine. Tell me he hasn't hurt you."
"I'm fine, mum," Daniel lies, "Why didn't you tell me you were going to leave?"
"Because you would have followed me," his mother says, "And I don't want you to
live this life, I haven't settled down yet, I don't have a place to live, I
don't even know if I can take care of yourself. But I promise, I'll find a job,
I won't leave you there, Danny. I won't. As soon as I know I can provide for
you, I'll come after you."
"Mum, I don't care that you don't have a job," Daniel whispers, "Please, just
tell me where you are. I don't want to stay here, please, mum."
"Soon, Danny, I promise, soon." She's crying, Daniel can hear it in her voice.
"I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry for leaving you alone. Hold on, we'll be together
soon, okay?"
"Okay," Daniel croaks.
"I have to go now," his mother says, "Call me when you can. I love you."
"Love you too."
When she hangs up, Daniel remains sitting on the bench until Fernando sits down
next to him. "We're going to be late," he says quietly.
Daniel nods and gets to his feet. When Fernando stands too, Daniel silently
wraps him in a hug. Fernando was right, it really helps him to calm down, to
swallow back the tears ready to spill out of his eyes. Fernando takes his hand
and leads him back to the classroom and doesn't ask him anything until Daniel
himself is ready to talk about it.
                                      ~~~
Daniel's heart is beating madly when he comes home, but seems like his father
doesn't remember the night. He prepares something to eat and tells him that
he's going out to look for a job. His father doesn't object. "Yeah, time to
make yourself useful," he says.
Daniel is really thinking about finding a job. Soon they won't have anything to
eat, though seems like it doesn't bother his father. But today he didn't go out
to look for a job. Fernando is waiting for him a street away and they are going
to do a Star Trek marathon as they decided.
When they are at Fernando's house, they slump on the sofa and the woman whom
Daniel saw his first day here, brings them some delicious food still glaring at
Daniel.
"Don't mind her," Fernando smiles, "She's very protective of me."
"I won't hurt you," Daniel says joking.
But Fernando looks serious. "I know," he says.
They start the marathon joking, laughing, teasing each other and consuming junk
food Fernando digs up from somewhere. During these few hours Daniel forgets
about his problems, his fears and his despair. Fernando makes him forget about
everything.
It's late in the evening, when Fernando's father comes home. He smiles seeing
the two boys fighting over a bag of chips on the sofa and his smile gets even
wider, when Daniel notices him and flushes letting go of the bag.
"Oh, hey, dad," Fernando says, "This is Daniel. Dan, this is my dad."
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Torres," Daniel mumbles.
"My pleasure, Daniel," José smiles.
"Things seem good between you two," Daniel says, when Fernando's father leaves
them alone.
"Yeah, we-we're talking," Fernando says, "It feels good."
Daniel smiles and moves closer to him on the sofa. They watch another episode,
then Daniel looks at Fernando. "Can I talk to my mum again?" he asks.
"Sure," Fernando says, "Whenever you want."
This time Daniel's mum isn't in a hurry and interrogates him thoroughly
starting from how he wrote the Math test to what he's eaten today. It almost
feels like she's home again. After they finish talking, Daniel lies quietly in
Fernando's lap letting the other boy play gently with his hair.
When it's time for Daniel to go, Fernando offers to take him home. Daniel knows
that he should refuse, because he might be in trouble if his father sees them.
But it's fifteen more minutes with Fernando and he doesn't say no.
Thankfully his father is sleeping, when he gets home. Daniel goes to his room,
locks the door and spends a few hours on his textbooks before going to sleep.
He's not sure if he really hears the door handle creak a few times in the
middle of the night or it's just his imagination.
                                      ~~~
Fernando quietly opens the door and sits on the edge of the bed. Daniel is
peacefully sleeping there. They were supposed to play FIFA, but Daniel couldn't
keep his eyes open and Fernando made him go upstairs and take a nap. Fernando
can't help frowning, when he looks at Daniel. The bruises on his face never
seem to fade and he looks more exhausted day by day. Fernando doesn't know why
he doesn't sleep at nights. Daniel always shrugs it off when he asks, but
Fernando doesn't miss the flicker of fear in his eyes.
Sometimes Fernando wishes Daniel's mother would hurry up and take him away, but
then he thinks that he won't be able to see him every day and wants to howl in
despair. He doesn't know what he will do without Daniel, this boy has changed
his life, he makes him happy and Fernando doesn't want to lose him. But he
knows he shouldn't be selfish. Daniel is suffering here. If his mother knew
what he's going through every day, she would have preferred to take him with
her, even if she's jobless and homeless, but Daniel always tells her that he's
fine.
Fernando knows he's anything but fine. He's always looking for excuses to stay
away from home. He's found a job, waits tables in a café. He works only three
days a week, but lies to his dad he's got work every day to get out of the
house. His father takes away the little money he gets and when Daniel refuses
to give it to him, it only earns him more bruises.
Fernando sighs and lies down next to Daniel, still looking at him with concern.
If only he could protect him from all the pain. If only he could change his
life like Daniel has done with him.
"Stop being a creep," Daniel mumbles opening an eye.
Fernando smiles. "Sorry. Did I wake you up?"
"No," Daniel says snuggling closer to Fernando, "Is it already time for me to
go?"
"Stay here," Fernando asks as he always does.
Daniel shakes his head as he always does. "I can't," he says.
Fernando sighs. "Okay, call your mum, then I'll take you home."
Daniel looks at him weirdly and before Fernando can frown and ask him what's
wrong, Daniel plants a quick kiss on his lips. Fernando blushes like the
schoolboy he is. It doesn't cease to amaze him that someone like Daniel can
like him and kiss him. He sprawls on the bed closing his eyes and listening how
Daniel is lying to his mother on the phone. He tells her that his father is
tolerable, that he doesn't drink that much and is at work most of the time.
Blatant lies. Fernando resists the urge to snatch the phone out of his hand and
yell at her for leaving her son alone, for thinking that he would be better off
with a man who abuses him. But he knows how much Daniel cares about her and how
much he trusts her, so he takes a deep breath and waits until Daniel's finished
talking and is ready to leave.
Fernando stops the bike in front of Daniel's house and takes off his helmet.
Daniel takes off his and they just stand there awkwardly, looking at each
other, none of them wanting to say goodnight first.
Finally Fernando takes a deep breath. "Well, see you tomorrow, yeah?" he
murmurs.
Daniel nods. Fernando leans forward and hugs him. "Be careful," he whispers.
"I'll try," Daniel says.
Fernando looks around and quickly pecks Daniel on the lips. "I... I'll miss
you," he mumbles.
"We're going to meet in the morning," Daniel grins.
"Yeah, I know, I just..." He clears his throat and takes a step back. "Night,
Dan."
"Night," Daniel smiles.
Fernando watches him go in, then puts on his helmet and rides off.
                                      ~~~
The clock shows three o'clock. Daniel is lying in his bed, but he isn't
sleeping. He's waiting for the usual scene to unfold in front of his door. The
door! Did he lock it? Daniel jumps out of the bed and runs to the door letting
out a relieved breath, when he finds it locked. After that horrible night he
always locks the door. Almost every night his father comes and tries to get in.
One day it lasts a minute, the other day it lasts well over an hour. Daniel
doesn't sleep until he comes. The few days he didn't appear by the door, Daniel
didn't sleep at all. In the morning his father doesn't mention the night.
Daniel doesn't know if it's because he doesn't remember it or because he's
ashamed of what he does.
Daniel jumps up, when his father kicks at the door. He pulls the cover over
himself and closes his ears with his hands. The kicks don't stop, they get
louder and louder. "Open up," his father shouts, "Open the door, you fucking
fag."
Daniel just hides his head under the pillow. The insults are nothing new. He
doesn't care. He just wants him to go away.
"I saw you with your biker boyfriend," his father yells.
Daniel freezes. This is bad. Fernando shouldn't get involved in this. Fernando
doesn't have anything to do with this.
"Leave me alone," he cries.
His father keeps kicking at the door. "You're a whore like your mother," he
shouts, "Open up. Open up and I'll show you what real men are made of."
Daniel shudders and curls up on himself. His father gives a mighty kick and the
door creaks.
"I'm gonna break this door down," the man cries, "You're gonna regret it, when
I fucking break it down."
The way he kicks at the door shows that his words aren't just empty threats.
Daniel gets out of the bed and pushes his desk to the door. Then he slides down
on the floor and hugs his knees.
"You piece of shit," his father shouts, "I'm gonna give you a lesson you won't
forget. Open the door."
After shouting and swearing for fifteen minutes, the man falls silent. Daniel
takes a deep breath and wants to get back to his bed, when his father talks
again. "Danny, open the door," he slurs, "I won't hurt you. I just want to
talk. I know you're scared. I won't hurt you, son. I will make you feel good. I
can do better than your boyfriend. Let me in and I'll show you."
Daniel chokes back a sob. "You're drunk," he cries, "Please, go. We'll talk in
the morning. Please, dad, please, go to sleep."
But his dad doesn't leave for another hour shouting things that make Daniel's
stomach twist, and by the end of it he is curled up on the floor sobbing. He
wishes Fernando would be here, so he could hug him and kiss him and forget
about everything else. But he's alone, all alone, and all he can do is to drag
himself up to his feet, slump on the bed and succumb to a merciful sleep within
minutes.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     This story doesn't want to end. I was going to write only three
     chapters. I'm sorry, it just keeps growing and I don't like it
     anymore.
Fernando has never had a nightmare, which included someone other than his
mother. But this night it's about Daniel. It's Daniel sitting next to him in
the car, it's his cold eyes that are staring at Fernando unblinking and it's
his dead lips that keep whispering it's all Fernando's fault. He jerks up
covered in cold sweat, his body shaking uncontrollably. His only desire is to
escape from his room, to find somewhere safe, but his legs don't obey him. He's
choking, panicking and trashing to get rid of the sheets covering him. He's
sure that something terrible has happened, is happening or will happen, and it
will be his fault, though he doesn't know how or why. Forcing himself to focus
on his breathing, he slowly gets hold of it and calms down enough to get to his
feet and stumble under the shower. The cold water helps him pull himself
together, though he knows that he can fully recover only after seeing Daniel.
He keeps speeding up all the way to school, longing to see the other boy as
soon as possible.
When he arrives, Daniel isn't there yet. The class starts, but there is no sign
of him. Fernando is getting impatient. Minutes tick by, but Daniel doesn't
come. Fernando's starting to worry. What could have possibly happened to
prevent Daniel from coming to school? The first answer that comes to Fernando's
mind is also the most terrifying. What if his dad beat him up so bad he can't
go out? Fernando shudders just thinking about it. Then he tries to calm himself
down. There may be many different reasons for Daniel's absence. Maybe he got
sick? But that's worrying too, because then he's got no one to take care of
him. Or maybe he just overslept? Maybe he'll join Fernando before the next
class? The thought calms him a little bit, but his fear is back with a new
force, when next class starts and Daniel isn't there yet.
The images from his nightmare keep resurfacing in front of Fernando's eyes all
the time and he isn't able to shake them off. He jumps up, when someone taps
him on the shoulder. It's one of his friends and he shots an annoyed glance at
him. "What?"
"Fer, you're fine?"
"What? Yeah, yeah I am."
"You look weird," the guy continues, "Why are you looking around all the time?"
"I'm not," Fernando objects, "I'm fine, okay? I'm fine."
"Are you looking for that buddy of yours?" his friend says, "Daniel. Is it him
you're looking for?"
"Do you know where he is?" Fernando asks quickly.
"Nope. At home, I guess. Or maybe he got wasted and passed out on the street
like his dad."
The boy laughs loudly and Fernando clenches his fists. "Shut up," he growls.
The guy smirks. "I don't get why you're defending him all the time. Why are you
even talking to him? He's a loser, who..."
He doesn't manage to finish the phrase, when Fernando's fist connects with his
jaw. The blow is so mighty, that the boy staggers backwards and falls down.
"I said shut up," Fernando says looking down at him scornfully. Then he raises
his head and sees the group of kids surrounding them, all with similar
expression of horror and surprise on their faces. "This is what will happen to
anyone who talks shit about Daniel," he spits out, shoves one of them away and
heads to the exit.
"Mr. Torres," one of the teachers calls after him, but Fernando doesn't even
bother to turn back and see who it is. He walks out of the school, gets on his
bike and rides to Daniel's place.
                                      ~~~
Fernando stops the bike a little far from Daniel's house and walks to it. The
fear has been eating him from the inside all the while he was riding here. What
if he's too late? Why did he wait for so long to come? What if something
horrible has happened to Dan and Fernando could have prevented it had he come a
little earlier?
Fernando goes to knock at the door, but changes his mind at the last second. If
Daniel's dad is at home, it's unlikely he will let Fernando in. Instead he
decides to peek in through the window to see what's going on. The first window
he looks through is apparently a bedroom and it's empty. Fernando goes to check
on the other ones. One is curtained, but the next is the living-room and here
Fernando sees Daniel and a man, who has to be Dan's father, sprawled on the
couch. He lets out a breath of relief. Daniel is alive and not injured too
badly from what he can see. He looks at them for a minute, pondering about what
he should do, when Daniel gets up from the chair and disappears from the view.
A moment latter he returns with a glass and hands it to his father.
The man takes a sip from it, then wrinkles his face in disgust and throws the
glass at Daniel. The boy barely manages to duck, the glass hits the wall and
shatters. Fernando gasps. He could have seriously injured his son, what the
hell is that man doing?
He watches how he leaps up from the couch, sways on his feet a little, but
finding his balance threateningly approaches Daniel. He shouts something
Fernando doesn't hear, but Daniel takes a step back and shakes his head
pleadingly. The slap comes unexpectedly, for Fernando at least. Daniel turns
back and rushes to the door, but his father grabs him by the waist and wraps
his arm around his neck. Fernando is ready to run to the door and break in,
when he sees something that makes him freeze on his place. The man's hand is on
Daniel's crotch, he's squeezing it, while cutting off the boy's air supply with
his arm. Daniel is trashing violently, but his father's grip just tightens and
he starts rubbing Daniel over his pants. That's when Fernando comes out of his
stupor and runs to the door, cursing loudly and banging on it with all his
might.
The door opens sooner than he expected and Daniel's dad sticks his head out.
"What?"
"You sick bastard," Fernando hisses, "I want to see Daniel right now."
The man grins. "Danny, it's your boyfriend," he sneers looking back, then turns
to Fernando again, "Please, come in."
Fernando wasn't expecting it and hesitates a little before entering, but he
can't leave Daniel here alone and follows the man inside. The door hasn't even
closed behind him, when he finds himself pinned to the wall with Daniel's dad
hovering above him. Behind him Fernando sees Daniel knelt on the floor, shaking
his head tearfully.
"Let me go," he snarls, trying to get free of the man's hold.
"Listen here, you little fucker," Daniel's dad growls, "I don't want to see you
near my son anymore, got it? You turned him into a fucking fag. If your
family's fine with you being one, then I'm not. Danny's my boy and I'm going to
raise him the way I want to."
"You don't have a right to do this to Dan," Fernando cries, "If I tell the
right people about this, you're going to end up in jail."
The man closes his hands around Fernando's throat. "You dare to threaten me?"
he hisses.
"Let me go," Fernando shouts and kicks the man on the shin.
However, even though he grunts in pain, it doesn't relieve the pressure on
Fernando's windpipe. It only makes Daniel's dad madder.
"Piece of shit," he yells and knees Fernando on the stomach, but doesn't
release him.
Fernando feels like he's dying, because he's both coughing and choking and he
can't breathe. Suddenly he hears a loud bang and the grip on his throat
loosens. Daniel's father slumps down on the ground and catching his breath with
difficulty Fernando looks up to see Daniel holding a saucepan and staring at
him terrified. They stay frozen for a few seconds, then Fernando stretches his
hand to the other boy. "C'mon, let's go," he urges.
Daniel takes his hand and follows him out to the bike. Both of them are
shaking, but Fernando forces himself to calm down enough to drive. Daniel gets
on the bike wordlessly and Fernando starts off, riding away as quickly as
possible from that place, feeling Daniel's tight grip on his waist.
When they are far enough from Daniel's house, Fernando turns to a little,
deserted blind alley and stops the bike, because his hands are still trembling
and his vision is blurry. He leans against a wall and closes his eyes. When he
opens them a few seconds later, he sees Daniel sitting on the ground with his
head in his hands.
"Dan, you're alright?" Fernando asks quietly.
"I might have killed him," Daniel mumbles, "He might be dead."
Fernando bites his tongue to stop himself from saying that it would have been
what he deserved. Instead he sits next to Daniel and puts his hand on his
shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine," he says, "It was just a saucepan. No one dies
from that in the movies."
He forces out a chuckle, but Daniel doesn't even smile. He looks at Fernando
and his eyes are full of terror. "What if I killed him?" he whispers, "What if
I killed my own father?"
"Your own father didn't care that much about you," Fernando says.
Daniel looks like he's not even listening. "You... Why-why did you come in? Why
did you even come to my place?"
"What?" Fernando chokes out, "What do you mean why? I was worried, Daniel, and
turned out I had a whole fucking lot to be worried about."
"There was no need to worry," Daniel mumbles, "I could have sorted it out
myself. I always sort it out myself."
"No, you couldn't," Fernando says, his voice getting louder and louder, "He was
groping you, Daniel, he was fucking groping you!"
"He wasn't," Daniel mutters looking at the ground, "It was nothing."
"Nothing?" Fernando shrieks jumping up to his feet, "You call it nothing, when
your dad grabs your junk?"
"He was just drunk!" Daniel shouts back standing up, "He wouldn't have done it,
if he were sober."
"He's always drunk," Fernando cries, "Why the hell did you even stay at home
today?"
"I wanted to talk to him, when he was sober," Daniel says, "But he-he'd been
drinking all night... I was waiting for him to sober up. If you hadn't
intervened, it would have been fine."
"What?" Fernando shouts, "Now it's my fault your dad is a fucking perv? It
wouldn't have been fine, Dan, he groped you. Do you understand just how wrong
it is? Do I have to spell it for you?"
"I could have sorted it out," Daniel repeats stubbornly, "I had to just wait
until he..."
"Until he what?" Fernando bellows, "Until he fucking raped you, yeah? That's
what you want?"
"Fuck you," Daniel spits.
"No, fuck you," Fernando shouts, shaking from rage, "I deserved more than being
shouted at for saving you."
"I don't need you to save me, okay?" Daniel snarls, "I don't need a knight in
shining armors. I'm perfectly capable to take care of myself."
"Oh, yeah?" Fernando says, "Then fuck off."
Daniel opens his mouth, but not finding the words, just shuts it again, shoves
Fernando on the chest and storms off. Fernando looks after him, his anger
quickly giving way to the fear of losing Daniel. He waits for one more second
and when Daniel doesn't turn back, runs after him.
He reaches him, when he's about to turn round the corner and grabs his
shoulders to stop him.
"Leave me alone," Daniel growls.
"Where the fuck are you going?" Fernando hisses.
"Home," Daniel says roughly.
"You aren't going there," Fernando spits through gritted teeth.
"You told me to fuck off," Daniel reminds him.
Fernando takes a deep breath. "I was angry," he says, "I am angry, but you're
coming with me. We'll talk later, okay? When we both calm down and think
straight. Now let's go." Daniel doesn't move, glancing darkly at Fernando. The
other boy sighs and closes his eyes. "Dan, please," he says quietly, "Let's go,
okay? Please, come with me."
Daniel licks his dried lips and nods slightly. Fernando starts breathing again.
They get back on the bike and Fernando starts it off again. They even forget to
put on the helmets, but Fernando is somehow glad for it, because he feels
Daniel rest his head on his shoulder.
                                      ~~~
They silently go upstairs, not even paying attention to Martha who wants to
force feed the boys. Fernando opens the door to his room and lets Daniel in. He
stands there awkwardly and looks at his feet.
"Dan?" Fernando breaks the silence.
"I want to talk to my mum," Daniel mumbles and looks pleadingly at Fernando.
"Sure," Fernando says handing him his phone.
Daniel retreats to the farthest corner of the room and starts talking quietly
with his mother. Fernando is dreading he will tell her to come after him and
he's also hoping he will, but Daniel as always assures her that he's fine. He
ends the call, stays with his back to Fernando for a while, then slowly turns
to him.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
Fernando shrugs. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled at you."
"I had it coming," Daniel says trying to smile, but failing to do it, "Thanks,
Fer, you-you saved me, you did. I don't... I-I don't know..." His voice breaks
and he lowers his head.
Fernando quickly walks to him and takes him in his arms. "It's fine, Dan, I
won't let him hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you."
Daniel lets out a strangled sob. "I can't believe he would do that to me. My
own father wanted..."
He trembles violently in Fernando's arms. Fernando walks him to the bed and
sits down next to him hugging him by the shoulders.
"Was it the first time he did something like that?" Fernando asks carefully.
Daniel looks at him frightened. "He kept talking about... things, you know?
And-and once he slept with me in the same bed and... t-touched me, but not-
not... there." He takes a shuddering breath and Fernando clenches his fists. "I
started locking the door after that night," Daniel goes on, "But he still kept
coming, shouting and threatening to break the door. I just-he was always drunk
and I thought if he-if he knew what he was doing, he would have never done it.
He's my dad, it had to mean something to him. I just wanted to talk to him, but
he..."
"Shh, he won't hurt you again, I promise," Fernando whispers, "I won't let
him."
"You know what I wanted most of all?" Daniel says swallowing down the sobs, "I
just wanted a family, a real family like the others have. But I never had one,
now I don't even have the pretense of it. My dad wants to-to... and my mum is
gone. Why isn't she here, when I need her? Why?"
"I am here," Fernando says, "I'm with you. I promise, Dan, as long as you want
me, I'll be here."
Daniel just pulls him closer and presses his face to his chest, dampening his
shirt with tears. Fernando holds him until his sobs subside, then gently lies
him down on the bed. "Wait here, I'll be back with some food, then you can
sleep or we can do whatever you feel like."
Daniel only nods, too exhausted to speak. Fernando goes out of the room,
descends from the stairs and hides in his fathers study closing the door. He
pulls out his phone and redials the last number that has been called.
"Danny?" a woman's voice says.
"No, it's Fernando. I'm Daniel's... friend."
"Oh, hey, Fernando. Dan has told me about you, about how much you're doing for
him. Thank you so much, son."
"Yeah, I... It's nothing, Mrs. Agger. But I... wanted to talk to you."
"Sure, I'm listening," Daniel's mother says.
Fernando takes a deep breath. "Could you please come and take Daniel with you?"
"I'm planning on doing it, Fernando, as soon as..."
"No, not as soon as you settle down or something. Dan needs you now. He doesn't
want to tell you, but his dad... It's too bad, he's... hurting him and you have
to stop it."
"Too bad?" the woman cries, "What has he done to him? Where is he now? Where is
my Danny?"
"Mrs. Agger, calm down, he's fine," Fernando says, "He's with me now, he'll
stay at my place, but he... needs you most of all. He needs a family."
He can hear that Daniel's mum is crying. "I-I will, I will come," she whispers,
"My boy, I will come for him."
"You will?" Fernando asks, trying to keep calm despite his heart breaking in
his chest.
"Yeah, tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday. I'll be there."
"Okay," Fernando chokes out, "But please, don't tell him I've called you. He
won't like it."
"Yes, sure, thank you, Fernando. If he calls me tonight, I'll tell him I'm
coming tomorrow."
"Thanks, Mrs. Agger."
"Thank you, son. Thanks for being there for Danny."
Fernando disconnects and drops down on the floor, hiding his face in his palms.
He's shaking with the realization of what he's just done. Tomorrow she'll come
and take Daniel away from him. The thought feels like a punch in the stomach
and breathing becomes difficult. Fernando knows that he's on the verge of a
panic attack and tries with all his might to prevent it. Just not today, the
last day Daniel is here, he doesn't want him to see him like this. He forces
himself to breathe, focuses on reading the cover of the book on his father's
desk and slowly calms down.
"Fernando, what's wrong?" It's Martha, concern evident in her voice. She
crouches down next to the boy. "Do you want water? Do you need meds?"
"No," Fernando breathes out, "I'm fine." He gets up with Martha's help, who is
still looking at him worried. "I just..." He closes his eyes, "I just did
something I didn't want to do."
"Is it something bad?" the housekeeper asks.
Fernando shrugs. "For me it's bad, but it's... it was the right thing to do, I
guess. But, God, I didn't want to do it."
Martha smiles sadly. "Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll be rewarded for choosing
to do the right thing."
Fernando wants to object, but then thinks he that Daniel's safety and happiness
is really a reward for him, and nods. "Yeah, probably."
"C'mon, call your friend and come to the kitchen," Martha says, "My dessert
will cheer you up."
Martha really doesn't let them dwell on their problems during dinner. She chats
all the time, tells them funny and most probably made-up stories from her youth
and makes the boys laugh. After having the promised dessert, which is really
delicious, they retreat to the living-room and noisily play their FIFA for a
few hours straight.
                                      ~~~
Daniel can't believe how easy it is to forget about everything and just have
fun with Fernando, can't believe he can actually feel good after what has
happened. But here he is clowning around with Fernando and stealing brief
kisses. When Fernando's father comes home in the evening, Daniel tenses a
little, especially when Fernando informs him that his friend is staying over.
For a second he's scared that he will say no and Daniel will have to spend the
night on the street, because no way he's going home. But of course he says yes
and involuntarily Daniel thinks what his father would say if he dared to ask
something like that from him. He remembers today's accident again and his mouth
goes dry, when he thinks that he might have killed his dad.
"What's wrong?" Fernando asks startling Daniel out of his thoughts.
He looks around and sees that they are along again in the living-room. "I... I
just..." Daniel bites his lip, Fernando is going to be mad if he says it, but
he needs to share his fears with someone. "I'm scared I could have killed him,"
he whispers.
Fernando sighs. "You haven't, Dan, stop thinking about it."
Daniel nods miserably, not convinced at all, but not going to argue more.
Fernando shakes his head. "Okay," he says, "Tell me his number, let's call
him."
He dials the number and Daniel holds his breath. The dial tone goes on and on
and Daniel's heart starts beating faster and faster with panic. When he's
already on the verge of complete despair, someone on the other end of the line
grunts, "What?"
Fernando puts the phone on loudspeaker. Daniel's dad continues to talk. "Who is
it? Answer me! Answer me, fu..."
Fernando ends the call. "He seemed very much alive to me," he mutters.
Daniel nods relieved and embarrassed at the same time. "Thanks."
"Let's go eat something," Fernando says, "Don't know what Martha's cooked, but
it smells delicious."
Daniel finds out that it's really delicious and he's busy stuffing his mouth
with food, when he notices Fernando's sad look on him and stops chewing.
"What?"
"I wish every day would be like this one," Fernando whispers.
"You mean the beginning of the day or the end?" he laughs.
But apparently Fernando isn't in the mood for joking. "This moment," he says,
"I wish we could always be together."
Daniel looks down on his hands. He wants to tell Fernando that it's his wish
too, that no one has ever made him feel so happy, but the words are stuck in
his throat and he can't force them out. "Let's play another round," he says
instead.
Fernando just nods and gingerly follows him to the living-room.
                                      ~~~
Daniel goes out of the shower, wraps a towel around his waist and brushes his
teeth. Going out of the bathroom he finds Fernando sitting cross-legged on the
bed and smiles at him. He still feels guilty for lashing out at him earlier. It
seems a lifetime ago, happened in a distant nightmare, but Daniel can still
feel like his father's hands on him. He hates him for doing it, hates him for
hitting Fernando, hates him for making him fight with Fernando. For a second he
hated Fernando too, because he became a witness of his moment of shame, because
he shouted to his face the truth Daniel didn't want to believe in - it wasn't
nothing as Daniel pretended, simply talking to his dad wasn't going to make him
a different person and Daniel was lucky to have Fernando intervene. He's lucky
for just having him in his life. He doesn't know how important he is for the
other boy, but for him Fernando has become one of the most important persons in
his life along with his mother. Only his mum isn't here now and Daniel doesn't
even know when she will come.
"Can I borrow your phone again?" he asks Fernando.
Fernando hesitates a second before nodding and handing him the phone. Daniel
furrows his brows, but decides not to dwell on it and dials his mother's
number.
She picks up after the first ring. "Hello?"
"Hey, mum, it's me again."
"Dan, thank God, how are you, baby?"
"Fine, mum..."
"Are you sure? Aren't you hurt? Tell me the truth."
Daniel frowns. "Mum, we talked today, didn't we? I'm fine. I'm staying over at
Fernando's."
"Yeah. Good. Danny, listen to me. Tomorrow I'm coming, I'll take you with me,
okay?"
"What?" Daniel croaks.
"I'll be there tomorrow, Danny," his mother repeats, "We're going to be
together again."
"Really?" Daniel whispers.
"Yeah."
Daniel feels his throat clogging up. "Mum, I... I-I... But how? You said..."
"I miss you, Danny, I can't stay away from you anymore. A mother should be with
her kid."
"Yeah, I... I miss you too. I'll be waiting tomorrow. When will you be here?"
"I don't know yet. Call me in the morning, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, I will."
"Okay, honey, see you soon. Love you. Bye."
"Bye, mum. Love you too," Daniel says.
He ends the call, his heart beating wildly in his chest, turns back and
practically jumps on Fernando, covering his face with kisses and surprising
himself with his own enthusiasm. "She's coming. She's coming for me," he cries,
"My mum loves me. She's gonna take me with her."
Fernando laughs with him, reciprocating his kisses. Daniel rolls down on the
bed and closes his eyes. "I'm so happy," he whispers.
"I'm... I'm happy for you," Fernando says hoarsely.
Daniel feels something off in his tone and the realization that they are going
to be away from each other hits him suddenly. The smile disappears from his
lips, he opens his eyes and turns his head to Fernando. "I'll call you every
day," he says, "I promise. Every day."
Fernando gently caresses Daniel's still faintly bruised face. "I'll miss you so
much, Freckles," he whispers.
The smile on his face is nothing but a painful grimace and Daniel closes his
eyes, unable to take it. "I'll miss you too," he rasps out.
He feels Fernando's lips on his cheekbone. They slowly slide down to his jaw,
putting butterfly kisses on every inch of skin, lingering a second longer on
his lips. As Fernando starts kissing his throat, Daniel lets out a soft moan,
his chest rising and falling more rapidly. Fernando goes down, kisses his ribs
one by one, traces patterns with his tongue on his hipbone. He throws away the
towel and trails his lips on Daniel's half-hard erection, barely touching,
teasing him with his warm breath. Daniel gasps sharply, when Fernando takes the
tip of his cock into his mouth. He involuntarily bucks up his hips, but the
other boy presses him down gently, licks along his erection and goes up the way
he came down. He worships Daniel's body with his tongue and lips, sucks on his
nipples, bites down slightly on his Adam's apple and ends his journey by a deep
kiss on his lips.
Daniel is writhing under him, pulling him closer and closer, his fingers
leaving bruises on Fernando's skin. When they pull apart, Daniel is panting,
eyes closed and fully hard. His eyes snap open, when he feels Fernando's slick
finger push into his entrance. Fernando looks at him to make sure he's fine,
and when Daniel nods, he slowly pushes the finger in completely. He takes his
time exploring him anew before adding a second one and scissoring him properly.
Daniel can't keep quiet, his moans echoing in the room, hanging in the air and
making it thicker. Fernando takes him into his mouth again before adding
another finger and Daniel lets out a small cry. Fernando looks at him
questioningly, as if asking him if he wants to continue, and Daniel would be an
idiot if he said no.
"Come on," he urges breathlessly, and Fernando withdraws his fingers and raises
Daniel's hips.
He pushes in slowly, inch by inch, and Daniel closes his eyes trying to
memorize every second, to enjoy every bit. When Fernando is fully inside him,
he wraps his legs around his waist and pulls him down for a kiss. They aren't
in a hurry. They try to prolong the moment as much as possible, Fernando slowly
pulling out and pushing in and Daniel meeting his thrusts readily, making him
moan and dig his nails in Daniel's hips.
"I'll never forget this, I'll never forget you," Daniel pants and arches his
back, when Fernando hits that spot again.
"Dan, Daniel," Fernando moans and stops moving for a second, "Daniel, I..." He
shakes his head. "I won't forget you either," he whispers.
He resumes thrusting, making Daniel half-sob with pleasure. Daniel can feel
Fernando's movements become more frantic, can feel his orgasm approaching and
clenches his muscles around him.
"Oh, fuck," Fernando curses.
He grips Daniel's leaking cock, tearing a throaty cry out of the boy's chest,
and starts jerking him off, slowly at first, but as he gets closer to his
orgasm, his movements become quicker and quicker. Finally he comes inside
Daniel with a shout, triggering also the other boy's orgasm. Daniel shuts his
eyes as waves of pleasure engulf him, crying out Fernando's name. He unglues
his eyelids, when he feels Fernando's chest against his, and meets his hazy
chocolate orbs.
"Daniel," Fernando pants, "Dan, I..."
He keeps looking into Daniel's eyes, then leans down and captures his lips in a
gentle kiss. Then he pulls out of Daniel and rolls down on the other side of
the bed, closing his fingers around Daniel's.
They shower together, sharing long, passionate kisses under the water and
caressing each other's bodies with a new curiosity, new determination. They
stay under the shower for long, as if they don't want to return to the real
world, where they are going to be separated soon. But they can't take forever,
they return to the bed and fall asleep curled up against each other.
                                      ~~~
Daniel wakes up in the middle of the night from a weird noise. Someone moves
next to him and he almost has a heart attack, thinking that his father has
somehow opened the door and got into his room. Then with a breath of relief he
remembers that he's at Fernando's. Consequently, the noise has come from
Fernando. As if on cue, the boy next to him jerks and whimpers.
"Dan," he breathes out then.
"Yes," Daniel answers thinking he's awake and turns to him. But Fernando is
still asleep. The light coming from the window is illuminating his anguished
face. He tosses his head from side to side and mumbles something.
"Fer?" Daniel whispers.
Fernando whimpers again and starts trembling. "No," he whispers, "Dan... Don't,
please."
He's trembling so bad now and Daniel is seriously scared. Fernando's told him
he has nightmares sometimes, but he didn't tell him how to stop it. To wake him
up or not? Wait a minute. Fernando did tell him what helped him in these cases.
Daniel crawls closer to Fernando and gently positions his head in the crook of
his neck.
"Please, no," Fernando whimpers.
"Shh, it's me," Daniel whispers kissing his head, "I'm with you, Fer, it's me."
"Dan," Fernando mumbles, "Don't go."
Daniel's throat clogs up. "I'm here," he breathes.
Fernando's breathing slowly evens out and his whimpers stop. When Daniel is
already drifting to sleep, Fernando moves against him and sleepily mumbles, "I
love you."
Daniel's eyes snap open. He waits for a few minutes, but doesn't hear anything
except the deep breathing of the boy sleeping next to him. Fernando was talking
in sleep, but Daniel knows he meant what he said. He knows this is what
Fernando wanted to say those times he started, but didn't dare to continue.
He presses his lips to Fernando's temple and closes his eyes tightly. "I love
you too," he whispers.
He doesn't know if either of them will repeat this when they are both awake.
The only thing he knows is that he has never been more sure of anything in his
life.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     Of course this isn't the last chapter. But the next one just has to
     be. Also I'm really sorry for delaying the update.
Fernando wakes up overwhelmed by Daniel's scent. He smiles and opens his eyes
finding himself wrapped in the other boy's arms. Fernando holds his breath,
scared to wake Daniel up and disturb this peaceful moment, because he knows
that as soon as he opens his eyes, he's going to call his mum and ask her when
she is going to come and take him away.
The images of his nightmare suddenly hit Fernando and he almost jerks out of
Daniel's arms. It was about Dan again, his father was dragging him away from
Fernando, hurting him and Fernando could do nothing but watch and sob. He
instinctively snuggles even closer to Daniel and slings his arm protectively
around his waist. Soon he will be away, he will be away from pain, he'll be
safe and Fernando must be happy for him.
Daniel's eyelids flutter and he opens his eyes, smiling when they focus on
Fernando. "Good morning," he mumbles.
Fernando thinks that he's never wanted anything more than to wake up every day
next to Daniel and hear him say good morning. He pulls the other boy closer and
kisses his shoulder. "Morning," he answers.
"Are you okay?" Daniel asks with a hint of worry in his voice.
Fernando nods. "Let's just lie here for a while," he offers.
They stay in each other's arms until their stomachs start protesting against
hunger and they go downstairs for breakfast. José is already in the kitchen and
Fernando can't hide his amusement, when he sees how Daniel blushes and starts
stammering something intelligible, when his father asks if he slept well.
"Does your dad... know about us?" Daniel asks once they are alone.
"Probably," Fernando shrugs and laughs, when Daniel's eyes go wide.
"Is he-is he okay with it?" he whispers.
"Well, you're alive, aren't you?" Fernando smiles.
Daniel glares at him and nudges him in the ribs and Fernando falls down on the
floor pretending to be in great pain, then tackles Daniel bringing him down
too. They wrestle on the floor, choking from laughter, until Martha comes and
kicks them out of the kitchen.
That's when Fernando's happiness comes to an end, because Daniel asks for the
phone again to call his mother. Fernando hands it to him and goes away, so he
won't have to hear their conversation. He hopes Daniel's mum will say she can't
come today, she will come tomorrow. Just one more day, he prays, just one more
day with Daniel. But when he comes back radiating happiness, Fernando
understands that his hopes were in vain.
"Well?" he says, barely controlling his voice.
"She'll be here in two hours," Daniel says, "She's living just four-five hours
away." He looks at Fernando with a small smile. "We won't be too far."
Fernando nods. It's still too far for him. He can't see Daniel every day, can't
wake up next to him every morning. Four-five hours away isn't near enough for
him.
"Is she coming here?" he asks.
"No," Daniel says, "I'll go right to the bus station and we'll leave."
"Then we-you should pack," Fernando says. He's trying to keep his tone neutral,
but it seems almost an impossible task now.
Daniel looks at him surprised. "I don't have anything to pack," he says, then a
flash of fear crosses his eyes. "I-I don't want to go back home," he says, "My
stuff is there, only the documents are with mum. She took them with her, when
she left."
"But you need at least a pair of T-shirts," Fernando says, "I'll lend you mine
until you get new ones."
"No, Fer, you've already done enough for me."
Fernando rolls his eyes. "I'll take them back, when I come to visit you, okay?"
Daniel sighs. "Okay. Fine."
"Fine," Fernando says, "Then let's go upstairs to pack. Actually... no, you
stay here, I'll go and pack a few things for you. Stay here, I'll be quick."
He darts upstairs before Daniel can protest and locks the door, taking a deep,
shuddering breath. He has to keep calm, he has to. For Daniel. He can't spoil
it for him. He wipes away the tears rolling down on his cheeks and presses his
palms to his eyes. The knock at the door startles him, he rubs his eyes quickly
and unlocks it.
"Fernando?" Daniel says quietly pushing the door open.
"Yeah," Fernando answers, his voice sounding too cheerful to be real, "I was
just... Uh, packing."
Daniel looks at him, his eyes sad and understanding, and Fernando has to turn
away, because he feels tears prickling at the corners of his eyes again. He
hears Daniel's soft footsteps behind him and a second later the boy touches his
shoulder awkwardly.
"I..." he says hoarsely, "I'm not good with all this feel... with all this
stuff, but I-I'm going to miss you and I can never thank you enough for-for all
this. And I'm sorry for being a dick to you before, though you were even a
bigger dick, but yeah, I'm sorry..."
"Please don’t talk like we'll never see each other again," Fernando says. He
tries to make it sound like a joke, but he's unable to hide the fear in his
voice.
"Of course we will," Daniel says, but Fernando doesn't feel assurance in his
voice.
"Let's play FIFA," he says, desperate for some kind of normalcy, "Or-or do
something else, I don't know."
"Okay," Daniel nods.
Time passes too quickly for Fernando's liking and soon it's time for Daniel to
go. Martha, having found out that he's got four-five hours of travel by bus,
packs a few sandwiches for him refusing to accept any objection.
Fernando's father isn't at home, when they go out. Daniel says goodbye to
Martha and gets on Fernando's bike. He wraps his arms around the other boy's
waist and Fernando's heart almost stops, when he realizes how much he's going
to miss their weight and warmness there.
                                      ~~~
Fernando has seen Daniel's mum only on a photo, but he recognizes her by her
striking resemblance to her son. Daniel runs to her as soon as he sees her and
Fernando follows him, shifting on his feet awkwardly, when she hugs her son
tightly, crying into his shoulder.
"My baby," she says, "I'm so sorry. I missed you so much. I'm sorry."
Daniel doesn't answer anything and Fernando knows that it's because he doesn't
trust his own voice.
"Let me look at you," his mother says and lets out a strangled sob looking at
the bruises on his face. "It's only my fault," she cries, "Look what he's done
to you. Why did I leave you? Why did I leave you alone with that monster? It's
my fault."
Daniel just shakes his head and hugs her tighter. "I'm happy you're here," he
whispers.
Fernando looks at them with a mixture of happiness, pain and envy. He will
never experience being hugged and loved by his mother again. When Mrs. Agger
finally releases Daniel, he turns to Fernando.
"Mum, this is..."
"Fernando," she says and moves to hug him too, "Thank you so much. Thanks for
helping my Danny out, son."
"You-you're welcome, Mrs. Agger," Fernando mumbles.
"Aren't we late for the bus?" Daniel asks, when all of them are a little
calmer, and Fernando's heart clenches in his chest.
"No, there is still some fifteen minutes till the bus leaves," his mother says.
"Mrs. Agger, will you give me your address, so I can visit you sometimes?"
Fernando asks.
"I still don't have a permanent address. I'm staying in a motel room, but I'll
try to rent an apartment as soon as possible." She sighs deeply. "That's why I
didn't want to take Danny with me. It's not good to raise your son in a motel."
"I don't mind as long as I'm with you, mum," Daniel says.
"I wish I never had to leave here," she whispers, "The neighbors liked my cakes
and I could start a small business, but there, in the city, it's much more
difficult."
"It will be fine, mum," Daniel assures him, "You'll see, it will be okay."
Fernando isn't really sure about it, but he keeps his opinion to himself. "What
about school?" he asks instead.
"I'll leave it," Daniel says, "I'll find a job and help my mum."
"No," Fernando and Daniel's mother say together. "No, Danny," she continues,
"You'll move to a school in the city."
"Mum, no, I..."
"Daniel," she says stricter and Daniel presses his lips together, but stops
arguing.
Soon it's time for them to get on the bus, but neither Daniel, nor Fernando
seem to be able to take a step away from each other.
"Danny," Mrs. Agger says quietly, "We should go."
Daniel nods. "Yeah, just a minute, mum."
She smiles, pulls Fernando in a hug and kisses his both cheeks. "Hope to see
you soon, son," she says, then turns to Daniel. "I'll be waiting for you in the
bus."
Daniel waits until she disappears in the bus, then wraps his arms around
Fernando so tight it hurts. He doesn't say anything, but Fernando doesn't need
words, doesn't need more declarations how much he's going to miss him, how much
it pains him they are going to be apart. If it is half the pain Fernando feels,
then it's fucking unbearable.
Daniel releases him and takes a step back, but Fernando, not ready yet to let
him go, grabs his shirt with his fists and drags him closer again. He looks
into his eyes, then glances around and presses his lips to the corner of
Daniel's mouth, forcibly swallowing down the useless plea for him to stay. He
leans his forehead to Daniel's and closes his eyes, trying to control his
breathing. Daniel kisses his cheekbone and traces his lips to his ears.
"Stay strong," he whispers, "For me."
Fernando nods, then pulls Daniel to him and kisses him fully on the mouth, not
caring that they are in a public place, not caring who might see them and what
they might think. There is only Daniel existing for him at that moment and he
feels like he's going to be all alone in the world without him. They pull back,
when they absolutely need to breathe. Daniel squeezes his eyes shut for a
moment, then opens them and sending Fernando one last look turns back and goes
to the bus. A few seconds later Fernando sees his face behind one of the
windows, sees the tears flowing down from his eyes. Daniel mouths something,
which looks suspiciously like 'I love you' and Fernando's heart skips a bit.
The bus starts, leaving Fernando staring after it as the world around slowly
disappears for him.
                                      ~~~
He doesn't remember how he gets home. The only thing he remembers is the horrid
emptiness in his chest and how his throat was clogging up and his eyes were
burning, even though no tear spilled out of them.
He slips into the house and heads to his room, when his father calls him from
the living-room. "Fernando, I got a call from school," he says approaching his
son and stops dead on track when he looks at him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Fernando says, himself surprised at how hollow his voice sounds.
His father's frown goes deeper. "Where is Daniel?" he asks.
It takes Fernando a few seconds longer than necessary to answer. "He's gone."
"Gone? Did you have a fight?"
Fernando shakes his head.
"So he went home?"
"No," Fernando whispers.
José sighs. "Fer, what's wrong?" he says quietly. "It's about Daniel, isn't it?
Did he... hurt you?"
Any other day Fernando would roll his eyes and wave him off, but now he doesn't
have the strength for it and just shakes his head.
"Then what?" his father keeps pressing, "Where did Daniel go?"
Fernando's breathing starts quickening and the beating of his heart almost
deafens him. He feels the panic clawing at his insides and closes his eyes
clenching his trembling fists. No, stay strong.
"Fernando, breathe," he hears his father's voice and then feels his hands on
his cheeks, "Open your eyes, look at me."
"I'm fine," Fernando croaks.
"I know, just breathe," José says, "Come here."
He walks him to the sofa and crouches in front of him. Fernando tries
desperately to control himself, but as soon as he opens his mouth to gulp air,
a sob breaks out of his chest. He clasps his hand on his mouth and jumps up to
his feet, ready to bolt to his room, but his father grabs his shoulders.
"Shh, it's okay," he whispers pulling him to his chest.
Fernando rests his forehead on his shoulder and lets the tears pour, hiccupping
and breathing noisily. His father pats him on the back and ruffles his shortly
cut hair.
"I called his mum and told her to-to take him a-away," Fernando says, "He
needed her, he wasn't happy, he-he needed... He left. He's in another c-city
now." He starts hyperventilating and trembling with whole body.
"It's okay," José whispers, "I'll take you there if you want. I'll take you
there every weekend. He's not in another country, you'll still see him, Fer."
Fernando just keeps crying. His father doesn't understand and he can't explain
it. He can't explain even to himself how much Daniel means to him. He feels
like a junky on withdrawal without him. Daniel has filled his world, has
brought happiness to where used to be only pain, guilt and suffering, has
warmed his frozen soul and now he's so scared that everything will go back to
what it was again.
"You did the right thing," his father says.
It doesn't comfort Fernando. He knows it, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
"I'm so proud of you," José goes on, "You've always been so strong, you've
always been the better person."
Fernando lets out a short, pained laugh and slumps back on the sofa. His father
thinks he's a good person, he thinks he's strong. He's not any of those things.
On the contrary, he's weak, so weak he poisoned the life of his own father, who
always cared about him, just to feel better about himself. The guilt that was
forgotten for a short while thanks to Daniel blossoms inside him again.
"You wouldn't..." he whispers, "You-you wouldn't say so if you knew."
"If I knew what, Fer?"
Fernando closes his eyes. "It was my fault," he says in a cold, dead voice, "I
made her come back earlier and she saw you... She'd be alive now if it weren't
for me." His breathing grows quick again and his voice starts to tremble. "I
kept blaming you. I kept making you feel like shit. But I am to blame. No one
else. Just me... My fault..."
After a moment of silence he dares to glance at his father. He seems shocked.
Fernando looks away. What if he snaps and starts hitting him like Daniel's dad?
Though unlike Daniel, in Fernando's case it would be well-deserved.
José quietly sits down next to him. "All this time," he whispers, his voice
trembling, "You thought it was your fault?"
Fernando nods. "Because it is."
He flinches, when his father touches his shoulder. "Fer, look at me," he says
and when Fernando doesn't, he takes his chin and turns it to him. "It's not
your fault. You understand me? It's not your fault. I don't blame you. No one
blames you."
Fernando's lips start quivering. "You forgive me?" he rasps out.
"There is nothing to forgive."
"I ruined your life," he says as tears start falling down his cheeks again, "Do
you forgive me? Please tell me. Please."
His father squeezes his eyes shut. "If you forgive me too..."
Fernando nods, wiping away the tears.
"Then deal," his father says and hugs him. "And remember," he adds, "My life
isn't ruined as long as I've got a son like you."
Fernando feels how a pain throbbing in his veins for years vanishes and
breathing becomes easier. His father lets go of him and he lies back on the
sofa.
"I'll tell Martha to bring you something sweet," he says.
Fernando shakes his head. He's not sure he can stomach anything now.
"Then I'll tell her to make herbal tea," José insists, "To help you calm down."
"Okay," Fernando sighs.
After having a cup of tea with his dad he curls up on the sofa and soon his
eyes close. Seems like not a minute has passed, when his phone starts ringing
and wakes him up. Groaning, he reaches for it and jolts up, when he sees
Daniel's mum's number.
"Hello?" he whispers, trying to control his voice.
"Fer?" he hears Daniel's voice.
"Dan," he sighs.
"Just called to-to see if you got home safely," Daniel says.
"Yeah, I did, I'm at home. And you?"
"We're at the motel," Daniel says, "It's nice. There are a lot of pretty girls
around here."
"What?" Fernando cries.
"Just kidding," Daniel laughs, "There is just one and not that pretty. You are
prettier."
"Shut up," Fernando grumbles, but his mood is considerably higher.
"Fine," Daniel says, "Tell me how are you."
"I, uh..." Fernando desperately searches for something to say, which won't form
a lump in his throat, "Dad promised to take me to see you every weekend."
"Really?" Daniel says. He still can't wrap his mind around the fact that
Fernando's dad accepts their relationship.
"Yeah," Fernando says, "I talked to him and I told him about..."
"What?"
Fernando sighs and tells him everything he talked about with his dad.
"I told you it wasn't your fault, Fernando," Daniel says quietly when he stops,
"But I'm happy you talked to him." He pauses and adds after a second. "I talked
to mum too. About us."
Fernando takes a breath. "How did she react?"
"Uh, well, she didn't even know that I'm into boys, so that was a shocker."
"And?" Fernando says, his heart ready to break out of his chest from the
thought that he won't be able to see Daniel again.
"Well, she's still coming to terms with it, but I think the fact that it's you
will play its role. She liked you too much," he says and Fernando lets out a
breath of relief.
They talk a little about everything and nothing, but when Daniel finally hangs
up, he suddenly feels all alone again. He closes his eyes and wishes he would
go back to sleep again. Wishes he would sleep for the whole week until it's
time to visit Daniel. He thinks how difficult it has to be for him to change
schools for the second time during the year. Though he's probably used to it.
Daniel told him how many times they'd had to leave the place they lived in,
because his dad had had problems with the neighbors or with the law.
He clenches his fists, feeling a strong surge of hatred towards Daniel's dad
for treating his family that way and indirectly taking Daniel away from him. He
feels the air disappear from his lungs, when he thinks that he's not going to
see Dan for another week, but he forces himself to breathe. He has to prepare
himself for it. Has to stay strong for Daniel.
"Fernando, time to eat," Martha calls from the kitchen.
Fernando groans and curls up on himself.
"Move, you lazy-ass. Don't make me come there," Martha cries.
Fernando doesn't want to eat, but he knows he needs something to distract him
from the thoughts about Daniel and he also knows that Martha usually carries
out her threats, so he drags himself to the kitchen and joins his father and
Martha around the table.
                                      ~~~
The school isn't the same without Daniel and Fernando isn't the same either. He
just can't return to his old ways, can't keep his carefree and I-don’t-give-a-
shit-about-anyone attitude. He keeps silent during the lessons, answers only
when he's asked to and dismisses his friends' questions. He's living for the
phone conversations with Daniel and counting minutes till weekend.
On Thursday, when he walks to his bike after school, someone suddenly pulls him
by the collar. Barely steadying himself, Fernando finds himself face to face
with Daniel's father. He doesn't have the time to feel scared or surprised,
when the man hisses, "Where is my son?"
He's drunk, but not as drunk not to realize that he can't do anything to
Fernando with so many people around, and Fernando feels bolder.
"He's safe," he answers cheekily.
The man shakes him. "Where is he?" he growls, "If you don't tell me, I'll go to
the police."
Fernando grins mockingly. "Do it. I have a few interesting things to tell them
about you too."
He sees the rage burning in Daniel's father's eyes, but doesn't let himself be
intimidated by it. The man himself seemingly realizes that he's powerless here
and lets go of Fernando's collar. When the boy turns to leave, he grabs his
arm.
"If he doesn't come home today," he whispers, "I'll make you pay, brat."
"He's not going to come home," Fernando says coldly, "You'll never see him
again. You can never hurt him again, sick pervert."
"I know better what's good for my son," the man hisses.
Fernando feels bile rising to his throat. He snatches his arm away. "You will
never see him," he repeats shouting and runs to his bike.
He doesn't tell Daniel about the incident, doesn't want to scare him or to make
him worry for Fernando. Instead he tells him a funny story happened today and
when he hears him laugh, bites his lip not to let out a sob. It physically
hurts to have Daniel so far from him. Like a big part of him is missing. He
lets himself be lost in Daniel's voice and takes comfort in the fact that only
two days are separating them from meeting again.
                                      ~~~
Fernando is a little worried going out of the school on Friday because of
Daniel's father's threats, but there is no one waiting for him when he gets to
his bike. He starts it off and turns round the corner, when a dog bolts out
from one of the alleys and throws himself right in front of the bike. Fernando
pushes on the brakes with all his might and tries to turn the bike away at the
same time. While he's flying out of the seat and before hitting the wall with
his head, he manages to notice Daniel's father standing in the same alley.
                                      ~~~
He opens his eyes and immediately closes them again, when a terrible headache
pierces through his brain. He lets out a low groan and feels someone shift
beside him.
"Fernando?" His father's voice is quiet, but it makes Fernando's headache
thousand times worse.
"Hurts," he just manages to mumble.
"It's nothing serious," José says, "You've had a little concussion, when you
crashed the bike."
Fernando's mind is suddenly flooded with images. The bike, the dog, Daniel's
father... His breathing quickens.
"Dad," he breathes out and tries to sit up, but it's too painful.
"Shh, honey, you shouldn't move," a nurse he didn't know was there says and
starts fiddling with his IV.
He shakes his head and groans again. "Daniel..." he whispers, unable to finish
the phrase, when his mind goes hazy.
He doesn't understand if 'he'll be here soon' is really what his father says or
just a drug-induced hallucination.
                                      ~~~
When he comes to again, his head hurts less and he's able to open his eyes
without feeling like his skull is being split in two. But he has to close and
open them again to make sure that Daniel is really sitting next to his bed.
"Dan," he rasps out.
Daniel's head snaps to him. "Oh, God," he says, "I was so worried. I was
waiting for your call, but you didn't call me, then I called you and you didn't
pick up and I was so worried. I called your house and Martha told me you'd had
an accident. I called your dad, but he didn't pick up and I took the first bus
here, then I called him again..."
"Dan," Fernando smiles.
"Sorry, you must have a headache and I am babbling." He takes Fernando's IV-
free arm and bringing it to his lips, kisses his knuckles. "Missed you," he
whispers.
Fernando struggles, but doesn't find words to describe how much he missed him,
so he just closes his eyes until the shameful moment of wanting to cry with
happiness passes. Now he's almost glad he's had that accident, that is before
he remembers who caused it. He gasps and tries to sit up. Daniel looks at him
worried.
"What's wrong, Fer?"
Fernando opens his mouth, but at the last moment decides against telling Daniel
about it. What's the use in it? He'll just worry more. He's not even sure that
he really saw Daniel's dad there. Maybe he just imagined him, because he was
thinking about him before the accident.
"Where is my dad?" he asks.
"On a coffee break," Daniel smiles.
"When are they going to let me out of here?"
"Your dad said in a few days, if everything goes right."
"You're going to stay here?"
"Well," Daniel shrugs, "I already missed the last bus back. I'll stay here with
you tonight."
"No, you will go to rest," Fernando's father says coming in, "I will stay with
my son."
Fernando rolls his eyes and hisses in pain. "I'm a big boy. Both of you will go
home," he says, then looks at his father, "Dad, take care of Daniel."
It's Daniel's turn to roll his eyes. "Fer, please, I want to stay with you." He
leans closer to the lying boy and whispers into his ear. "I feel safer when I'm
with you."
Fernando can't lie. He really wants Daniel to stay with him, but he also wants
him to be in a safe place, where that pervert can't reach him. Though hospitals
are supposed to be safe too, aren't they?
"Okay," he sighs, "But only if you promise to stay here for the weekend and go
to sleep and have Martha feed you tomorrow. Dad, you can stay at home tonight.
There is no need for the two of you to stay with me."
"You just say it, so you boys can stay here alone, right?" José says with a
smile.
Daniel blushes, but Fernando just grins in response.
"Okay," José sighs, "I will leave you alone now. Take care of my son, Daniel."
"Yes, Mr. Torres," Daniel says promptly.
"Well," Fernando says glancing mischievously at Daniel, when his father leaves,
"You can start taking care of me by kissing me."
Daniel is only happy to oblige.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
     Hey everyone. I'm really sorry for delaying the last chapter. I was
     terribly busy and for the last couple of weeks I was mostly without
     internet and didn't follow the fandom. Also I struggled a lot with
     this story, but couldn't write anything without finishing this. So
     here is the last part. Hope you'll like it. Thank you for your
     patience and for all the kudos and comments.
Fernando's been looking at the peacefully sleeping Daniel for already half an
hour. He's still scared that it's just a dream, that Daniel will vanish if he
blinks. Now when he's here, the torturous week spent alone seems a distant
memory, thought Fernando still remembers the pain of being away from Daniel.
He's never felt anything like this and he's pretty sure it's not completely
healthy. It's probably because his life before and after Daniel couldn't have
been more different. Before him Fernando lived feeding from his pain and
spitting it out on the others when he couldn't bear it anymore. Before Daniel
he didn't even realize how frighteningly alone he was. But then he met this
quiet and strong boy, who turned his life upside down in record time. And
Fernando clung to him like a drowning man to the lifeboat. So when he thinks
that Daniel is going to leave soon, he feels like he's all alone in the open
sea, fighting against the waves with no one around him, with on one to save
him.
Daniel, as always, feels Fernando's look on him or maybe it's just that the
armchair his curled up in isn't very comfortable, but anyway, he cracks open an
eye and grins.
"I see you're being a creep even on a hospital bed," he says.
Fernando's mouth curls up in a smile. "I was just thinking."
"What about?" Daniel asks yawning.
"I just thought how weird it is... that we got together."
Daniel frowns. "Weird in a good or in a bad sense?"
"In a good," Fernando smiles, "It's just... It's miracle you even wanted to
talk to me."
"Cut the bullshit, Fer," Daniel says standing up, "Why are you awake anyway? Is
it already morning? How are you feeling?"
"I feel great," Fernando says, "It's still early. Go back to sleep."
"You go to sleep," Daniel says, "I'm going to take a cappuccino. Want one?"
"Yes, thank you."
Daniel goes to the door, but then stops. "Are you sure you're allowed to have a
cappuccino? Maybe I should ask the doctors if you can?"
"I have a concussion, not a food poisoning," Fernando complains.
"Oh, by the way, you didn't tell me how it happened," Daniel says, "You're
always so careful, how did you crash the bike?"
Fernando gulps. He hates lying to Daniel, but it would just hurt him if he knew
the truth.
"It was because of a dog," he mumbles.
"A dog?" Daniel raises his brows in surprise.
"Yeah, I'll tell you everything later," Fernando waves him off, "Now go bring
me my cappuccino. You're supposed to take care of me."
"Okay, I'm going, slave-driver," Daniel mutters.
"Dan?"
"What?"
"Won't you kiss me first?"
Daniel rolls his eyes. "Only because you're in hospital."
He goes to Fernando, leans over him and smiles gently. Fernando's heartbeat
speeds up when he sees his greenish eyes and freckled cheeks up close. Daniel
strokes his cheekbone with a thumb, his lips linger over Fernando's, he presses
his mouth on Fernando's and kisses him carefully, just lips, then pulls back.
Fernando stays with his eyes closed for a few seconds, then slowly opens them
and stares dazed at Daniel.
"Am I allowed to go to bring you cappuccino now?" Daniel asks with a crooked
smile.
"Yes," Fernando grins, "Come back soon."
"Promise," Daniel says.
Fernando closes his eyes again and relaxes. His head doesn't hurt anymore,
Daniel is here and he feels like nothing can disturb his happiness at least for
a couple of days until it's time for Daniel to go back again.
                                      ~~~
Daniel goes out of the room still smiling and touching his lips with his
fingertips. He finds the coffee machine on the second floor, but it's out of
repair and sighing Daniel goes to look for another machine or the cafeteria.
The cafeteria is closed. Daniel purses his lips disappointed and turns back to
go to Fernando, but suddenly remembers that he saw a café on his way to the
hospital the day before. It's just ten minutes away from the hospital, so he
can go and grab Fernando the promised cappuccino. He imagines Fernando drinking
the cappuccino the way he always does with hot drinks - covering it with two
hands and sniffing it for minutes until finally taking a sip. He decides that
it's worth a few minutes of walk and quickly goes out of the hospital.
It takes even less than ten minutes to get to the café. Daniel buys two cups of
cappuccino and walks out, smiling to himself when he remembers the look on
Fernando's face after the kiss, but his smile vanishes, when he sees his father
standing ten steps away from him.
Daniel stops right on track and stares at him gaping. His father smiles feebly
and takes a step forward. Daniel stumbles back into the café on shaking legs.
The man stops and raises his hands in a calming gesture. Daniel slumps down in
a chair not tearing his gaze away from his father. His heart is beating so
madly that he fears it might break out of his chest. His father takes another
step back looking at Daniel questioningly as if asking for permission to enter,
and the boy shakes his head, lips moving in a silent plea. To his surprise the
man stops. He motions to Daniel to come out, but he shakes his head again
quickly. His dad sighs and crosses his arms on his chest, remaining in his
place. Daniel lowers his gaze. His hands are shaking and he feels like crying.
What surprises him the most is that his father is just standing there, not
doing anything. Maybe he's scared to approach him and make a scene in a public
place? Or maybe...
Daniel shakes his head. As much as he wants to believe it, there is no way this
man could have changed. Gone are the times when Daniel still had a small hope
everything would be back to what it once had been.
Daniel glances at him again. He doesn't seem drunk and there is a rare clarity
in his gaze and Daniel is suddenly reminded of his childhood, when his father
didn't drink, when his mother laughed a lot and when he was happy. What if...
What if being abandoned by both his wife and his son made him see the right
way, made come true Daniel's wish he used to pray for every night? What if
there is still a chance to make them a real family again?
No! This man hurt his mother and him, he terrorized him, humiliated and-and...
Daniel shudders and grips the edge of the table tightly. He doesn't want to
remember it, doesn't want to jerk up from sleep every night still feeling his
father's hands on him.
He turns to the window and quickly looks back again. He hasn't moved an inch
from his place. He's waiting for Daniel to come out, but Daniel isn't going to.
No, he'll stay here all day if necessary, but he won't approach the man. He
just has to pray for his father not to try to approach him. But he can't stay
here all day. Fernando will freak out and Daniel can't let him have panic
attacks also because of him.
He groans and bangs his head on the table. Minutes pass and he gets more
anxious. Fernando has to be looking for him now. He has to think of a way out,
he can't let Fernando down. He gathers all his courage and stands up slowly
walking to the door. His father gets noticeably excited and takes a step
forward. Daniel stops. No, he can't, he doesn't want to. His gaze meets his
father's and he feels his eyes fill with tears. Why? Why does this have to be
happening to him?
A car stops in front of the café and Daniel feels so relived at seeing
Fernando's father going out of it, that he almost slides down the floor.
"Hey, Daniel, what are you doing here?" José asks with a smile.
"I... I-I wanted to-to buy a cappuccino for Fernando," Daniel says
breathlessly.
He sees his father frown and squint his eyes from behind the window, probably
wondering who he's talking to.
"How is he?" José asks.
"He-he's fine," Daniel says.
"Are you okay?" Fernando's father asks, "You seem too... agitated."
"I'm f-fine, Mr. Torres, thanks," Daniel says.
"Okay, then let me get a cup of coffee and then we'll go to the hospital," José
says, "Or maybe you should go home and get some sleep? I'll take Fer's
cappuccino to him."
"No, I'll come with you," Daniel says quickly.
"Okay," José shrugs.
He buys a coffee and goes out with Daniel following him closely. He tries not
to look at his father when they pass by him, but is unable to do it. He looks
hurt, his eyes are pleading and Daniel is so shocked that he just stands next
to Fernando's father's car and stares at him.
"Daniel, get in," José says.
Daniel obeys, looking at his father for the last time and closes his eyes shut.
"Are you okay?" José asks again worried.
Daniel only nods, but his father's betrayed look is still in front of his eyes.
                                      ~~~
Fernando doesn't realize how he falls asleep while waiting for Daniel and his
cappuccino, but when he wakes up, Daniel isn't there yet. He frowns and glances
at the watch. Daniel went out forty minutes ago. His stomach squeezes
unpleasantly, Daniel should have been back by now. It doesn't take half an hour
to grab a cappuccino. He looks around. Of course Daniel hasn't taken his mum's
phone with him.
Fernando sits up and slowly gets out of the bed. He feels a little dizzy, but
reaches the door and goes out almost bumping into a nurse.
"Where are you going, love?" she asks, "Why are you out of the bed?"
Fernando's not sure, but seems like it's the same nurse who was with him when
he first woke up.
"I-I'm looking for..." he says, "Have you seen a boy going out of my ward?"
"The one who came to see you yesterday? He was so worried."
"Y-yeah, he's... Have you seen him? He went out half an hour ago to get
cappuccino and hasn't returned."
"I'm sure he's fine, honey," the woman smiles, "Go back to your bed, you
shouldn't be wandering in the corridors. You haven't recovered yet."
She gently, but firmly pushes him to his ward and makes him lie in the bed
again. But as soon as she leaves, Fernando jolts up and grabs Daniel's phone.
His hands are shaking when he dials his father's number, and his head has
started to hurt again, but he lets out a relieved sigh, when his dad picks up
after the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Dad, it's me," Fernando says quickly, "Dad, Daniel... He's g-gone... T-they
don't let me out, I want to go and look for him, but they d-don't let me."
"Fer, calm down and tell everything from the start," José says, "Why do you
want to go out?"
"To find Daniel!" Fernando cries.
"Daniel? But..."
"He's gone, dad, he's not here," Fernando almost sobs, "I have to... He might
be..."
"Fernando, Daniel is with me, we'll be in the hospital in two minutes."
Fernando's lungs start working again. "With you?" he whispers.
"Yeah, calm down, Fer, we'll be there soon."
Fernando falls down on his bed feeling like all the bones in his body have
turned to soft tissue. He closes his eyes, takes a few deep breaths and his
heartbeat returns to normal. His dad must be thinking he's being paranoid, but
he doesn't know what Daniel's father is capable of.
Not even a minute passes, when the door opens and his father and Daniel come
in. José immediately runs to him and crouches next to his bed. "Fernando, are
you okay?" he asks worried.
Fernando nods and glances at Daniel. The other boy looks back sheepishly and
approaches the bed too. "I, um, I brought you a cappuccino," he mumbles.
Fernando glares at him. "Where have you been?" he hisses.
"The coffee machine was out of repair and I decided to grab a coffee from a
café nearby," Daniel shrugs.
"It takes an hour?" Fernando snaps, "Do you know how worried I was? I
thought..."
"He was just taking a walk, Fer," José says, "Don't get so worked up over it."
"Give me my cappuccino and go to sleep," Fernando mutters.
Daniel helps him sit up and hands him the cappuccino, then leans on the wall.
"I'll stay here," he mumbles.
"Daniel," Fernando's father says, "Yesterday we agreed that you would go home
today. Go, have a few hours of sleep and then you'll come back."
"I-I'd rather stay here, please," Daniel says.
Fernando hears the subtle shaking in his voice and frowns.
"Dad, can I talk to Daniel alone?" he asks.
José raises his brows, but nods. "I'll go to find the doctor," he says.
As soon as he closes the door, Fernando turns to Daniel. "What happened?"
"Nothing," the other boy mumbles dropping to the ground.
"What happened?" Fernando repeats.
Daniel closes his face with his hands.
"I saw my... d-dad," he whispers.
Fernando gasps. "What?" he croaks, "Where? What did he do?"
"When I was at the café," Daniel talks through his hands, "He was just standing
outside, didn't move, didn't approach me, just kept looking at me. I d-didn't
know what to do. I just stayed there for half an hour until your dad came and I
went out with him." Daniel looks up and Fernando feels a sharp pain jolt
through his heart at the sight of his eyes filled with tears. "He looked at me
as though I betrayed him. I was scared he would come and try to attack your dad
or something, but he just looked so... hurt."
"Dan," Fernando says gently, "Remember what he's done to you."
"I remember," Daniel cries, "Do you think I can ever forget it? I remember. But
I just wonder... I just... What if he... changed?"
Fernando wants to shake Daniel hard to make him realize that people like his
father can't change in a week, but he takes a deep breath and forces himself to
swallow down his anger.
"So what do you want to do?" he says, "Go to talk to him?"
"N-no... I... don't know," Daniel whispers.
"Daniel, it's a stupid idea," Fernando cries.
"He used to be normal," Daniel murmurs, "He used to love us, we used to be a
family."
Fernando closes his eyes for a few seconds, then gets out of the bed and sits
on the ground in front of Daniel. He puts his hand on the other boy's knee, but
Daniel still keeps his head down.
"Please, look at me," Fernando says quietly.
Daniel slowly opens his eyes and raises his head up. His eyes are brimming with
unshed tears and for the first time Fernando wishes Daniel hadn't come back. He
doesn't know what to tell him, how to help him heal his wounds, so he does the
only thing he can think of. He simply hugs him and presses his lips to his
temple. Daniel gratefully returns the hug clutching at Fernando's hospital
gown.
"I don't want to lose you," Fernando whispers into his ear, "I don't-don't want
to lose you too."
He feels both relieved and weak after voicing his biggest fear and Daniel
apparently understands it, because he tightens his grip around Fernando and
puts gently kisses on his neck.
"I know," he says, "I don't want to lose you either."
Fernando nods and Daniel pecks him on the lips, then helps him get on the bed.
He sits next to him carefully and puts his palm on Fernando's forehead
caressing it with his thumb. Fernando closes his eyes and hums, feeling his
headache slowly disappear.
"Mmm, feels so good," he says with a content sigh, "I could stay like this all
day."
"You can," Daniel says, "I'll stay here with you."
Fernando stays silent for a moment. "Are you scared?" he asks then quietly.
Daniel's hand stops moving for a moment, but then resumes caressing Fernando's
forehead. He stays silent.
"I can ask dad to take you home," Fernando says, "You won't be alone."
"I'm more..." Daniel clears his throat. "I'm more scared of seeing that-that
look again," he admits, "Can I just stay here, please?"
Fernando is reminded of the rainy day he took Daniel to his house and his heart
clenches with both pain and happiness at the memory. He doesn't want Daniel to
go through it again, doesn't want him to feel that pain again. He opens his
mouth to tell him that he can stay when his father enters the ward. Daniel
quickly snatches his hand away and Fernando's sure he's blushing.
"I talked to the doctor," José says, "He'll come to check on you and most
likely he'll send you home today."
"Really?" Fernando says excited, "Great, I already hate this stupid bed. And
when will they finish repairing my bike, dad?"
"Probably tomorrow, but you can't ride it until you're completely healed."
"Fine," Fernando rolls his eyes.
"And you shouldn't do anything which involves using your head," José says.
"It won't be a problem for him," Daniel chuckles.
Fernando tries to glare, but can't help smiling. He's going to spend the
weekend with Daniel and for that he's ready to crash his bike again.
                                      ~~~
Daniel's heart is beating furiously when he goes out of the hospital with
Fernando and José. He takes Fernando's hand under the pretense of helping him
walk, but it's him who needs support as is proven, when he finds his father
waiting for him. He squeezes Fernando's hand tightly and the other boy caresses
it with his thumb and throws a hateful glance at Daniel's father. But the man
doesn't pay any attention to him, he has eyes only for Daniel and the same
pleading look is back there.
Fernando almost drags him to his father's car and Daniel keeps staring out of
the window as an oblivious José drives them away.
"I have a problem with Star Trek reboots," Fernando says suddenly, "I mean
they're cool and I love them, but I think they aren't loyal to the main
philosophy of the series? Don't you think so, Dan?"
Daniel smiles at him feebly, understanding his attempt to distract him from his
thoughts. "Maybe," he shrugs.
"They don't have to be loyal to the series, guys," José says and goes on
listing all the reasons supporting his statement.
Fernando objects and they start discussing it fervently. Fernando keeps
bringing the most ridiculous arguments and making Daniel laugh. He finds
Fernando's hand and when he's sure José isn't looking, brings it to his lips
putting a quick and grateful kiss on his knuckles.
When they get to Fernando's place, José takes out the key. "Martha's gone
grocery shopping," he says, "She didn't know you'd be back home so soon, Fer.
Hope you guys will manage here alone, I'm needed at work for a while."
"Don't worry, dad, we'll be fine," Fernando assures him.
"Keep an eye on him, Daniel," José says and Daniel nods solemnly, while
Fernando rolls his eyes.
Fernando's house is so familiar and there are so many bittersweet memories
connected with it, that Daniel immediately feels better. He plops on the couch
next to Fernando and closes his eyes.
"I'm hungry," Fernando says after a while, "When will Martha be home?"
"You're so spoiled," Daniel says with a grin, "Wait, I'll see what you have in
the kitchen to make you something to eat after I call my mum."
"I'll be forever grateful," Fernando says blowing him a kiss.
Daniel shakes his head and taking the phone goes to the kitchen. He dials the
number of their neighbor from the motel and asks him to take the phone to his
mum. It's still early and she isn't off to her temporary job yet. While he's
assuring her that both Fernando and him are fine and he's going to come back
the next day, he finds some eggs and decides to make an omelet. Just as he
wants to beat the eggs, someone rings the doorbell. Daniel sighs sadly thinking
that Martha is going to kick him out of her kitchen and he won't be able to
cook for Fernando. Then he hears a loud thump as if someone fell. He pushes the
eggs aside and runs to the hall.
Fernando is lying on the floor motionless and if it weren't for a little pained
whimper, Daniel would assume the worst. He raises his horrified gaze and meets
his father's eyes. Fernando tries to move and gasps in pain and it makes Daniel
snap out of his trance and run to him.
"What have you done?" he hisses to his father dropping on the floor and taking
Fernando into his arms, "Fer, do you hear me? Fer, please, look at me."
Fernando's eyelids flutter and he tries to move, but it's obviously difficult
for him. "Dizzy," he mumbles closing his eyes again.
"I didn't want to hit him," Daniel's father talks for the first time, "He
fucking wanted to close the door to my face."
"You..." Daniel's voice is shaking with rage, "You-you bastard! What have you
done? He mustn't hurt his head, he just got out of the hospital. Get out! Get
the fuck out of here!"
"Watch your tongue, boy," the man growls, "It's your fault your boyfriend is
hurt. If you were a good son and obeyed me, none of this would have happened. I
wouldn't have crashed his bike."
"What?" Daniel croaks, "You-you did it?"
"I knew you'd come to see him. It was the only way I could talk to you."
"What do you want?" Daniel whispers pulling Fernando closer, "What do you want
from me?"
His father approaches him and Daniel hates how his heart starts beating faster
in fear. He tightens his grip around Fernando and presses his back to the wall
as his father crouches down in front of him.
"I want my family back," he says, "That's all I want."
"You lost your family a long time ago," Daniel says, "You had so many chances
to make it right, but you fucked up them all."
"I said watch your tongue, boy," the man hisses raising his hand and Daniel
flinches expecting a blow as usual. But his father lowers his hand and takes a
deep breath. "I wanted to change!" he shouts, "I wanted to talk to you, I
hadn't drunk anything for a whole day, but you! You chose them! You chose this
scum over your own father."
Daniel starts shivering slightly, fighting against the guilt rising inside him,
against the idea that he could have ruined the only chance for them to become a
family again. No, it wasn't possible anyway, he will never change. Never.
"But I'm ready to forgive you, Danny," his father continues, "Let's go, find
your mum and leave. You know where she is. Take me to her and we'll be together
again. We'll be happy."
Daniel closes his eyes shut and shakes his head. Fernando groans shifting
against his chest and his heart constricts in fear again. What if he's
seriously hurt?
"We have to call an ambulance," he says hoping against hope to reason with his
father.
The man apparently doesn't even hear him, he just keeps staring at him in a way
that makes Daniel's skin crawl. He cups the boy's face and caresses his
cheekbone with his thumb. Daniel shuts his eyes trying to keep calm, but starts
shaking when his father's fingers creep to his hair and start scratching his
scalp.
"Dad, please..." he whimpers.
"Shh," the man says, "I'm your father, Danny, I wouldn't do anything to harm
you."
Daniel clutches tighter at Fernando and tries to shake his head away, but the
man grabs his face with two hands. Daniel wants to jump to his feet and push
him away, but Fernando's still lying unconscious in his lap. His father
restarts examining his face with his fingers - his forehead, his brows, his
cheeks, his lips. Daniel's shoulders are shaking with suppressed sobs.
"Don't do this to me," he tries to beg, but his father traces his index finger
on his lips making him shut his mouth promptly.
"My boy," he whispers, "You're too good for this brat." He moves forward and
puts a kiss on Daniel's forehead. "You have to be with me, with your family,
not with him. Get up, we're leaving."
"I'm not coming anywhere with you," Daniel says quietly, while tears are
streaming down his eyes.
His father pulls him closer and presses his head to his large chest. He puts
his palm on the back of the boy's head petting him and Daniel feels like he's
going to throw up.
"Let me go," he mumbles trying to push the man away with one hand with his
other hand still wrapped around Fernando.
"Shh," his father whispers into his ear, "Calm down, Danny, we're going to be
fine. We're going to leave and be happy. I'll make you happy, much happier than
your boyfriend."
Daniel just keeps shaking his head as his dad continues murmuring something
into his ear. He feels paralyzed with fear and disgust and even Fernando's
presence so close to him isn't able to save him from drowning in the sea of
misery.
                                      ~~~
Fernando's head hurts and he isn't able to open his eyes. He doesn't even
understand where he is at first and doesn't hear anything, but slowly he
becomes conscious enough to feel that whatever he's lying on is shaking subtly
and apparently also crying. Then he suddenly remembers Daniel's father's face
when he opened the door and the memory is enough to make him jolt up abruptly
or at least try to do so.
He gasps in pain and squeezes his eyes shut waiting for it to pass. There is a
warm and trembling hand around him and a shadow hovering above him. A few
seconds later he hears a voice, which makes the arm around him tremble harder.
"...leaving, Danny."
Fernando forgets how to breathe. Leaving? Daniel is leaving? Not caring about
the headache anymore, he clutches tightly at Daniel's shirt and sits up.
Daniel's father is sitting close to them, too close to Fernando's liking, he's
caressing his son's neck and the boy is squirming, clearly disgusted.
"Get your hands off him," Fernando growls, trying to push the man away.
"Oh, look who's awake," Daniel's father sneers, "Just in time to say goodbye to
you, Danny."
"You're not taking Dan anywhere, you pervert," Fernando hisses.
He would have kept on hurling insults, but Daniel's dad slaps him across the
face so hard that his head flies to the left. The world around him darkens for
a second and when he regains his feelings, he hears Daniel shouting. "Don't you
dare touch Fernando! Don't you dare touch him!"
He half-opens his eyes and sees Daniel standing on his feet, in an attacking
pose, his features distorted in anger. A thin trickle of blood is running from
his father's nose and he looks shell-shocked. Then his expression turns livid
and he launches on Daniel pinning him to the wall.
"You shouldn't have done that, boy," he snarls punching Daniel in the gut
twice.
"No," Fernando whispers.
He tries to get up, to move at least, but he's nauseous, his head is throbbing
and his limbs don't obey him. Even his mouth isn't working, he tries to shout,
but no sound comes out. Daniel's father shoves his son hard and his head hits
the wall. He presses his forehead to Daniel's and grabs his shoulders to steady
him, because the boy is sliding down the wall.
"You will be punished for doing it," Daniel's dad growls, "You know how, don't
you?" Daniel's broken sob indicates that he does know it. "I'll skin you alive,
little traitor. You should be thankful I'm not doing it in front of your
boyfriend," the man continues, "Move your ass, Danny, we're leaving."
Fernando's breath hitches. He feels his body shaking in response to Daniel's
and tears roll down freely of his eyes. He's going to lose Daniel, this man
will take him away, will hurt him and Fernando won't be able to do anything. He
will just keep lying here, useless and pathetic, and will watch Daniel leave
his life forever. He isn't even fighting to breathe anymore, doesn't have the
strength for it, he keeps looking at Daniel, but the other boy isn't looking at
him. His dad's body is tightly pressed to his and he's squeezed his eyes shut
as if hoping that it will stop if he doesn't look.
Fernando feels a strong surge of hatred overwhelm him and it gives him enough
strength to crawl closer to them and sink his teeth into Daniel's father's
calf. The man howls and turning back kicks Fernando on the head. The boy
screams in excruciating pain and goes slack, his feelings leaving him earlier
than he'd see the front door fly open.
                                      ~~~
Daniel is sure his heart stops the moment his father sends his boot to
Fernando's head. The next second the door is banged open and José bursts in,
probably having heard his son's scream. Daniel's father releases him in
surprise and the boy slides down the wall shaking and sobbing. He moves closer
to Fernando and sobs harder when he sees his bloody face.
"What's going on here?" José cries, "Fernando! What-what's... Who the hell are
you?"
He runs over to his son and pushes Daniel away. "Fernando," he whispers
checking his pulse and letting out a breath when he finds it beating. Daniel
looks at his father's direction, but he's already gone, sneaked out while they
were busy with Fernando. Meanwhile José calls an ambulance and when finishes
talking turns his piercing look to the still shaking Daniel.
"What happened here?"
"He-he hit him, he h-hit Fernando," Daniel stammers.
"Who?" José's voice is strained. "Who was that man?"
"My-my father," Daniel whispers lowering his head.
He flinches when José grabs his shoulders. "Your father?" he shouts shaking
him, "Your father? What did your father want from my son?!"
"I-I'm sorry," Daniel sobs, "It's because of me, I'm sorry."
Fernando's father opens his mouth to shout something else, but at that moment
the sounds of the arriving ambulance are heard and he shoves Daniel away.
"You're going to explain everything to me later," he hisses, "And if it's
really because of you, you're going to regret it."
Daniel just hugs his knees and closes his eyes. Fernando is hurt because of
him. He already regrets being born at all.
They both get in the ambulance, though José doesn't pay the slightest attention
to Daniel, holding his son's hand and whispering something into his ear. Daniel
barely keeps himself from sobbing loudly. And he thought the worst thing
happened to him was his mother's escape.
When they get in the hospital, he sits on the edge of a chair at the end of the
corridor, as far away from José as possible, and starts waiting. Minutes slowly
crawl by and tears don't stop falling silently from his eyes. His heart starts
wildly beating when a doctor approaches Fernando's father. They talk for a few
minutes and Daniel wants more than anything in the world to approach and ask
what the doctor said. Just let Fernando be fine, he prays, I'll leave and never
disturb him again, just let him be okay.
He opens his eyes and is startled to see José standing in front of him. He
looks at him long and hard and Daniel trembles under his gaze. Finally José
gives him a small smile. "He'll be fine," he says.
Daniel lets out a breath and new tears start falling down from his eyes, but
this time they are of relief.
"He's sleeping," José goes on, "Do you want to see him?"
Daniel nods quickly.
"C'mon then."
Daniel enters the ward alone. Fernando is pale as death and looks so small on
the hospital bed. Daniel kneels next to it and presses his forehead to
Fernando's open palm.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, "I'm sorry, Fer."
He doesn't know what else to say, not like Fernando hears him anyway, so he
just keeps apologizing and crying quietly. When he raises his head, he sees
Fernando's father looking at him through the door with a strange expression on
his face. He wipes his eyes and stands up, going out to let José see his son.
But the man closes the door and turns to Daniel.
"Did he hit you too?" he asks.
The boy nods ashamed.
"Where?"
Daniel puts his hand on his stomach.
"Come with me."
José takes him to a doctor and makes him pass through an exam to make sure he's
not hurt seriously. Daniel's throat remains clogged up all the time, but José
doesn't seem to mind it. There is nothing seriously wrong with Daniel, the
doctor just prescribes him a painkiller and they return to the corridor.
Fernando's father sits in front of Daniel and waits until he gathers the
courage to look him into the eyes.
"Tell me everything," he says then.
Daniel takes a deep breath and starts talking. He tells him almost everything,
leaving out the details of what his father did to him and doesn't mention also
that it was him the cause of Fernando's accident, because he's scared José will
get angry at him again.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" José says, when they boy finishes his story.
Daniel blushes. "Fernando o-offered, but I... didn't want to," he mumbles.
José sighs. "Okay, Daniel," he says, "Look what we're going to do now. I'm
going to call the police and you're going to tell them what you told me."
Daniel starts shaking his head even before Fernando's father finishes the
phrase. "No, please," he says, "I know he deserves it, I know, but I can't do
it. Mum won't agree either."
"Daniel, he's hurt you and your mum so much. Don't you want to see him locked
up for it?"
Daniel shakes his head again. He doesn't want to see him locked up. He doesn't
want to see him at all. Ever. He isn't ready to go through the humiliation of
telling his story to so many people, he can't ignore the irrational guilt he
feels when he even thinks about telling on his father. "I'm sorry," he
whispers, "But I can't do it."
"Kid, I know it's not my business," José says, "But my son is involved in this
story. I felt that something was off, but he's very mature for his age and I
trusted him to sort out his problems himself. But this is too much for a kid to
sort out."
Probably because Fernando wanted to sort out not just his, but also Daniel's
problems, Daniel thinks, but doesn't say out loud. He just looks at José with
his eyes full of tears, which are ready to spill from the thought that
Fernando's father will get angry now and kick him out forbidding to approach
his son.
"I'm so sorry, I can't," he murmurs.
"Okay," José says, "Get up."
The tears spill from Daniel's eyes. "Please, just let me say goodbye to him,"
he chokes out.
"What?" José says surprised, "He's going to sleep the whole day. And you need
to eat and sleep too. You'll see him later."
"I-I can still see him?" Daniel whispers.
"Daniel, I haven't seen my son this happy for years," José says, "How can I
deprive him of it? C'mon, I'll take you home."
                                      ~~~
José hands Daniel over to Martha who promises to feed him properly and then
send him to bed. He didn't try to convince him to go to the police again, while
they were driving here and Daniel hopes he won't bring it up again. He feels
such an ungrateful bastard, even after everything Fernando's done for him, even
though José didn't kick him out as he should have done, he still doesn't want
to help him. But he really can't, he knows if he does, it will haunt him for
the rest of his life.
He's relieved when José takes the car keys to go out, but tenses again, when he
calls him saying that he has to talk to him for a minute.
"How are you feeling?" he asks.
"Fine, thanks," Daniel mumbles.
"Kid, sorry for shouting at you earlier. I just lost my head seeing my son like
that."
"I understand," Daniel says, "It was my fault after all."
José looks at him with a smile and shakes his head. "It's not," he says firmly.
Daniel just shrugs. It makes him feel even worse that Fernando's dad is ready
to forgive him so quickly.
"Daniel, I need to know how to get in contact with your mother," José says.
"She won't agree," Daniel says immediately.
José raises his brows. "I just want to talk to her. May I?"
"Y-yeah, sorry, s-sure," Daniel stammers, "This is the number of our neighbor
and this is the number of a lady she works with. If you want to call now, call
the second number, because she has to be at work."
"Thank you," José smiles, "Now tell me also where your father lives."
"W-why?" Daniel asks warily.
"Don't worry about it, just tell me."
Daniel does what he's told and thanking him again José leaves. Daniel goes to
the kitchen, where Martha fulfills her promise and feeds him until he can
barely move, then sends him to sleep. But though Daniel is exhausted, he still
isn't able to sleep. As soon as he closes his eyes, his father's face appears
in his mind, he feels his hands on his face, feels his breath on his neck,
listens to his whispers. It makes him shake so hard that his teeth start
clattering and tears gather in the corners of his eyes again. He needs Fernando
so much right now. If he were here, nothing would hurt. But instead of memories
about Fernando, his mind is flooded with memories about his dad. He curls up
under the cover and sobs until the exhaustion gets the better of him and he
falls into slumber.
                                      ~~~
Daniel wakes up only in the morning of the next day and wants to rush to the
hospital immediately, but of course Martha isn’t going to let him out without
breakfast. She says that José has promised to send a car after him, but
Fernando's father comes himself.
He assures Daniel that Fernando is fine, though still sleeping, and doesn't
mention his father again. Daniel is burning with the desire to ask why he
needed his mother's number and his father's address, but bites his tongue and
closes his eyes waiting when they'll get to the hospital.
He opens his eyes, when José stops the car, and his heart almost jumps out of
his chest. They aren't in front of the hospital, they're in front of his house
and Daniel's whole body starts shaking.
"What are we doing here?" he chokes out.
"Isn't this where you live?" José asks with a smile, "C'mon, let's go."
"N-no, no," Daniel pleads, "I c-can't... W-why... Why would you..."
Thousands of thoughts fly through his mind at the same time. His father
convinced José to return him home, he decided to get rid of him, José
understood that he deserves living with his father. He reaches for the car
door, ready to bolt out and run, but José grabs his shoulders.
"Dan, calm down," he says looking into his eyes, "Your father isn't here."
It takes Daniel a few seconds to process the information. When he does, he
looks at José with wide eyes. "Where is he then?"
"I had a talk with him and he agreed to leave the town and never disturb you
and your mother again."
Daniel blinks. "Just like that?"
José sighs. "Well, it sounds easier than it was."
"But where did he go?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"I just want to know if he's, uh, if he's..."
José laughs. "Daniel, I don't know what Fernando told you, but I'm not some
mobster. I just own a law firm. And a supermarket network, but well, it's not
important. Let's go, there is someone waiting for you."
He goes out not letting Daniel ask another question. The boy follows him,
feeling his heart in his throat. He notices two well-built guys not far from
their house, who nod at José when they see him.
"Who are these people?" he asks.
"They're here just in case your father doesn't keep his promise," José answers
casually.
He knocks at the door and takes a step back to let Daniel go in first. The door
opens and Daniel's eyes widen. His mother is standing there, looking at him
with a faint smile.
"Mum?" Daniel whispers, "W-what are you doing here?"
"I came back," she says, "Why don't you come in?"
José and Daniel enter. There is a bag next to the door. Daniel looks at his
mother incredulously.
"We're going to live here?" he asks.
She nods. "Mr. Torres called me and... Well, we can live here now."
Daniel looks first at José, then at his mother, then pulls her into a hug. She
caresses his hair and puts a kiss on his head. "No one will hurt you anymore,"
she whispers, "I promise."
They stand like that until José clears his throat. "I'm sorry," he says, "I'm
passing by the hospital, Daniel. If you want to stay here and visit Fernando
later, I can send a car after you in a few hours."
"No, I'll come now," Daniel says, "I'll see you later, mum. You'll be here,
right?"
"Sure, honey."
He hugs her again and goes out with José. For a few minutes they drive in
silence, then Daniel glances at the man and lowers his head.
"Thank you," he mumbles.
José just nods. Daniel keeps silent for a while, then when they are already
reaching the hospital, he asks, "Why are you doing this for me?"
José stops the car, unbuckles the safety belt and looks at the boy. "I'm doing
it for my son," he says, "Because he deserves the happiness he was brutally
deprived of. And you do too."
Daniel isn't sure he deserves it, deserves this, but he isn't able to pronounce
even a word, so he just nods and gets out of the car.
                                      ~~~
Fernando is still asleep and Daniel sits quietly in the chair next to the bed
and starts looking at him. Fernando's father's gone, saying he's got some
things to attend and Daniel is alone in the ward. Fernando looks a little
better than yesterday, more healthy, Daniel notices with relief. He leans down
and pecks him gently on the lips, then sits back on the chair.
"Dan?" he hears Fernando's low voice.
"Fer!" he gasps, "You're awake! How're you feeling?"
"Like in the fucking Groundhog Day," Fernando grumbles, "What happened? Oh...
Oh, fuck! I-I remembered. How-how did we..."
"Your dad was back in time," Daniel says.
"Thank God," Fernando sighs in relief, "And what happened to your, you know..."
"I don’t know," Daniel whispers, "He ran off. Your dad said he talked to him
and that we'll never see him again."
"Really?"
Daniel nods. "And my mum is back. We'll be living in our house again."
Fernando blinks. "Dan, you’re not kidding, right? You'll be living here? You'll
come to school with me again?"
"Yeah, apparently."
"This is the best day of my life," Fernando says quietly.
Daniel just smiles sadly. Fernando frowns.
"Dan, are you okay?" he asks.
Daniel doesn't say anything for a few seconds, then rubs his face furiously.
"No," he says, "How can I be okay? My dad is a-a... perv. I made my problems
your problems and now you're in the hospital because of me. And-and you and
your dad still c-care about me after all this, even though you should have just
kicked me out."
He hides his face in his hands and turns away from Fernando. How can he be so
selfish? He's still making it about himself, even if it's Fernando lying in the
hospital bed. Maybe he really deserved the family he had. Maybe he should have
just gone with his father, when he first said so. It would have saved Fernando
and him a lot of pain.
"Dan," Fernando calls. Daniel doesn't look at him. "Dan, please," Fernando
says, "Daniel, help me sit up."
Daniel wipes his eyes and turns back pulling Fernando up carefully.
"Sit down," Fernando orders and Daniel complies, "Look at me."
It's harder to comply to this one, but Fernando helps him by taking his face
into his hands and raising it.
"I don't care what your father did to me, you understand me?" Fernando says,
"It doesn't change anything between us. It doesn't change that you saved me, it
doesn't change how I feel about you, it doesn't change that I love you."
Daniel looks at him with an open mouth and when regains the ability to talk, he
whispers, "You said you love me."
"I did," Fernando says, "And I do, love you... Why are you grinning like an
idiot?"
"It isn't the first time you confessed love to me," Daniel says, "But last time
you were asleep, though I still answered you."
"And... what did you answer?" Fernando says, obviously trying to mask his
nervousness under nonchalant tone.
"That I love you too."
"Thought so," Fernando grins.
Daniel rolls his eyes. "Cheeky much?"
"Just enough for you to love me," Fernando says smugly.
"If I knew you'd get a big head, I wouldn't have told you," Daniel snorts.
"You know me, baby, my head can't get bigger than it already is."
"If you're going to keep calling me baby, I'm taking back my words."
"Fine, I won't call you baby... Freckles."
"You're so lame," Daniel says, "You think you're funny, but you're lame."
"You already told me you love me, no need to repeat it every other minute,"
Fernando grins.
"I love you," Daniel says.
"Hmm, then why haven't you kissed me yet?"
Daniel grins and moves forward, then puts his hands on Fernando's cheeks and
presses his lips to his carefully. Fernando grabs his neck and pulls him
closer, so they're chest to chest, and kisses him with all the passion he's
got. They pull away breathlessly, but keep their foreheads pressed against each
other. Fernando reaches for Daniel's hand and squeezes it tightly.
"Promise you'll never leave me," he whispers.
"I promise," Daniel says, "Do you?"
Fernando wraps his arms around Daniel and pulls him even closer. "I'll never
leave you," he whispers into his ear, "I'll never leave you alone."
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