Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/456087.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Dean_Winchester, Anna_Milton/Dean_Winchester
  Character:
      Castiel, Dean_Winchester, Sam_Winchester, Anna_Milton, Uriel_
      (Supernatural), Zachariah_(Supernatural)
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Big_Bang_Challenge, Slash, First_Time,
      First_Love
  Collections:
      Supernatural_and_J2_Big_Bang_2012
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-07-10 Chapters: 9/9 Words: 36039
****** Don't Ever Look Back ******
by Misachan
Summary
     Another day, another town; when their bounty hunter father enrolls he
     and Sam in yet another school Dean thinks this will just be another
     town he'll forget five minutes after he leaves it. Things get more
     interesting when Sam befriends a classmate of Dean's and the lonely
     boy with the strange name and stranger family slowly gets under
     Dean's skin. Their new friendship gets complicated when it becomes
     clear that Castiel's brothers aren't just strange, they're dangerous,
     and the secrets they keep and the sins they bury have a lot to do
     with Dean. It would all be bad enough even without Dean starting to
     worry that maybe friendship isn't all he wants.
     A Dean/Castiel high school love story with fist fights, movie nights,
     make outs, broken hearts, hospital vigils and a steamed up hotel
     shower.
Notes
     Thank you to aerilex for beta reading!
  This work was inspired by
      Art_Masterpost by slinkymilinky
***** Chapter 1 *****
Sam groaned when he felt the bottom seam of his backpack give way and dump his
books all over the floor. He bent down to gather them up, ducking so none of
the other kids rushing around trying to get to class wouldn't accidentally kick
him in the head. Nobody stopped to help, not that Sam expected it; being the
new kid meant being invisible, and Sam had been that new kid enough times in
his life that he didn't expect anything else.
By the time he gathered them up the hallway was empty. Sam supposed it really
didn't matter, it wasn't like he would have made it to class on time anyway;
the way the corridors sprawled meant that taking a wrong turn could mean
wandering around hopelessly lost, and Sam knew he'd made at least two of those
already.
He balanced the books in his arms, debating with himself whether it would be
worth it to find his way back to his locker or just muddle through and find his
class. He lost his grip on the top book when he tried to take a look at his
schedule, hoping he was at least close to the right track; it was when he bent
down to pick it up, balancing the stack on one knee that he heard footsteps
behind him.
"Well, look who's lost."
Sam cringed. He looked around but there were no teachers in sight; with no
rescue imminent there was nothing for Sam to do but turn around and face it.
While usually Sam knew he could count on being left alone, in each of the many
schools Sam had been in over the years there was always that one guy who took
it upon himself to haze the freshmen and any new kids.
And here, that guy's name was Gordon Walker.
Sam had been dodging him for the past week but he guessed it was about time for
his luck to run out. And Gordon wasn't alone; Sam didn't know his sidekick's
name but knew him by sight well enough, he was the kind of guy who had a big
picture of Jesus on his locker door but still amused himself by pushing around
the younger kids. "Leave me alone, Walker."
"You hear that?" Gordon said, sidling up next to Sam as his cohort came up
around to block him in. "And here we were being concerned." He nodded over to
his friend. "The two of us, we heard your old man just up and abandoned you and
your brother here."
Sam narrowed his eyes. "My dad's away on business."
"Bounty hunting's a business now?"
"What? Got something he'd bring you in for?"
Gordon smiled. He leaned in close, looming over Sam. "The rumor I heard was
that he's hellbent on finding the guy who'd killed your mom. That true? Is he
looking for the one-armed man?"
Sam didn't answer, his hands balling into fists. Gordon's friend decided to
join the party. "Rumor I heard said he offed her himself."
Sam took a swing at him, unable to stop himself; he was too off balance to make
contact and only managed to drop his books all over the floor again.
Gordon pushed him against the wall and Sam knew he wouldn't get another chance.
"You shouldn't have done that. You're supposed to respect your elders." That
smile of his widened. "It was a fire, right? Part of the Lucifer murders. The
fire started right in your bedroom, I read," he taunted, and God, Sam hated the
internet sometimes. "I tell you, the Lucifer murders were nasty. All those
rumors about devil worship, and there's you and your mom right in the middle.
Was your mom a freak like that, Sam?" he said, a leer in his voice. "Are you a
demon child?"
"Doesn't picking on the freshmen ever get old?"
The new voice came from behind, one deep enough that for a second Sam thought
it might be a teacher, but when the other two turned around Sam saw it belonged
to a boy with messy dark hair who Sam guessed was around Dean's age. The
newcomer's blue eyes squinted as he looked at them. "You should leave him
alone."
Gordon heaved out a heavy sigh. "Not your problem."
The other boy's head tilted to the side like a puzzled bird's. "I thought it
was clear I was making it one."
Gordon's sidekick swaggered up him and Sam winced; Jesus freak had a solid inch
on him, maybe two. "Pretty ballsy taking us on without your shadow."
That seemed to amuse the boy. "I don't need Uriel here to fight the two of
you."
Sam thought he recognized the name Uriel, and not for good reasons, but he
didn't have time to dwell on it; something about the boy's confidence seemed to
unnerve the other two. Sam could tell by the way the two of them kept glancing
at each other that this wasn't a fight that was going to happen, and the
suspicion was just confirmed when Gordon said, "It figures the freaks all stand
up for each other. C'mon, let's go."
Sam's heart kept pounding until he saw them disappear around the corner.
"Thanks," Sam said when the other boy crouched down to help him with his books.
"I'm Sam."
"I know who you are, Sam," he said, that amused look on his face again. "My
name's Castiel."
"Yeah?" Sam said, piling the books back into a stack. "What kind of name is
that?"
That just made Castiel frown. "It's because I was born on a Thursday," he said,
as if that made complete sense.
"Um...okay. I just never heard it before. I mean, is it religious, or....?"
"Is there something wrong with my name?"
"No! No, I didn't mean it like that, I just...." He sighed. "I was just
curious. I used to have a book on names and where they come from, I like that
stuff. I'm not usually this big a dick, I swear." He wrapped his arms more
securely around his books. "Can we start over?"
Castiel did that head tilt thing again. "Of course."
"Thanks for helping me out. Most people don't jump in on things like that."
"Kubrick and I have fought before," he said, and now at least Jesus Freak had a
name. "His understanding of Scripture is...suspect."
The way he said it made sound like that was the most offensive thing he could
think of. "I guess there are dumber things to get into fights over." He gave
Castiel a grateful grin when he took some of the unsteady books from the top.
"Thanks. Hey," he said, putting the remainder under his arm, "didn't it bug you
when that jerk called you a freak like that?"
Castiel's brow just furrowed. "Should it?"
And it was the way he said that, not blustering the words out the way Dean
would but as if it honestly hadn't occurred to him that he should be bothered.
"You're kinda weird, huh?" he said as he shook his head, the words just
slipping out, and Sam smiled as he said it to make sure Castiel absolutely knew
he meant it as a compliment.
Fortunately, the other boy seemed content to take it as one. "Thank you. I've
been told that before."
"Cool. Hey, any chance you know where room...312 is?" Sam said, glancing over
his schedule.
Castiel nodded. "It's off in a side corridor. I think they assign freshmen
classes there just to watch them get lost." He started to lead the way,
glancing behind to make sure Sam was following. "I had freshmen English there."
"Same here. Looks like it's mostly poetry."
"And not very good ones," Castiel commiserated. "How does this school compare
to your previous ones?"
Sam wondered for a second how Castiel knew there had been multiple other
schools, but he supposed word got around. "I don't know. One more hive of scum
and villainy, I guess."
Castiel's brows furrowed in confusion again. "Surely it's not that bad?"
"Dude, it's a quote. You know, from Star Wars?" The confusion didn't fade. "The
movie?"
"Oh. I haven't seen it."
Sam felt the whole day grind to a sudden halt. "Wait. Wait a second, you've
gotta be a junior or a senior, right? How old are you?"
"Um...seventeen?" he said, clearly at a loss as to what had happened to the
conversation.
"And you've never seen Star Wars?"
"...No?"
***
Dean pushed open the motel door and was immediately confronted by the ear-
blastingly loud sound of starfighters dogfighting and Han Solo barking out,
"Don't get cocky!" telling him Sam had beat him home. Which was weird, because
Sam was still supposed to be in school; just because Dean had decided to cut
class today didn't mean Sam got to do the same thing. "Sam? What the hell are
you doing here?"
He rounded the corner and pulled up short; Sam was curled up on one side of the
suite's dingy sofa in what Dean supposed technically counted as a living room,
a greasy bowl of popcorn in his lap and mouthing each line as he stared starry-
eyed at the motel's thousand-year-old television. That was normal, dorky Sam
Winchester behavior - what surprised Dean was that he wasn't alone; seated on
the floor was another boy, a guy around Dean's age, his arms resting on his
knees with his own bowl of popcorn in his lap. "Sam, what the hell?"
"Cas hadn't seen Star Wars," Sam said, with the exact horrified tone sane
people would use when finding out that some deadbeat hadn't fed their kid for a
week.
"Hello, Dean," Cas said, waving one hand vaguely in Dean's direction.
"Hey," Dean answered back, giving Sam a skeptical, seriously, what the hell?
look as he threw himself on the other side of the sofa and snatched some of
Sam's popcorn. "What's Cas short for? I knew a Cassidy once, but that's kind of
a chick name...."
"Castiel," he said, cutting Dean off.
"...Isn't that also kind of a chick name?"
Cas sighed. "I'm named for the angel of Thursday. It's really not that
remarkable."
"Man, if you say so."
"Ignore him, Cas," Sam chimed in. "Dean really is a total dick." Then he kicked
Dean once for good measure.
Dean decided to be the bigger man and let that go. "Are you new, too? I don't
think I've seen you around."
For some reason Cas smiled at that. "You sit two rows in front of me in
history."
"Oh," was all Dean could think to say, feeling heat crawl up over his cheeks.
"Well. I guess we haven't really...."
"You cheated off me on the quiz three days ago," Cas said, giving Dean a
knowing look, and Dean pretty much wanted to sink through the floor.
"Oh. Um." He drummed his fingers against the arm of the sofa. "Thanks for not
ratting me out."
"I didn't mind," Cas said, ducking his head. "I intentionally answered some
wrong so you wouldn't score suspiciously well."
"I...thanks." Dean couldn't think of anything else to say; that honestly had to
be one of the nicer things someone had ever done for him. "I think that teacher
has it in for me."
"She's not a very good teacher," Castiel sighed.
"Guys, shut up. Movie."
Dean just grinned, leaning down toward Cas. "Sammy takes Star Wars super
seriously," he said in an exaggerated stage whisper.
"I noticed," Cas answered back, a conspiratorial grin on his face.
"Both of you. Shut. It."
Dean threw some popcorn at Sam but gave in, settling back against the sofa to
watch the rest of the movie.
***
Two and a half movies later the trilogy credits were scrolling down the screen
and Sam had dozed off sometime around the Ewoks first showing up. "So, what did
you think?" Dean asked, keeping his voice low to avoid waking his brother.
Castiel looked much more thoughtful than Dean would ever expect someone to be
about Star Wars. "I enjoyed it a great deal. The way it tied into Joseph
Campbell's work on heroic archetypes was intriguing."
Dean didn't know what that meant but he was still pretty sure it was one of the
nerdier things he'd ever heard in his life. "Whatever, man."
"I was glad Luke was able to come to an accord with his father," he said
softly, almost in a wistful way Dean didn't understand.
"Should have taken you for a Luke guy. Me, I like Han. Not that either of them
can hold a candle to Kirk, anyway. Kirk's from...."
"I'm aware of Star Trek, Dean."
"Cool," Dean said, feeling like he'd won somehow.
"How long will your own father be away?" Cas said, changing the subject so
quickly it caught Dean off guard.
"Wish I knew," Dean said with a big sigh. "A while this time, a few months at
least."
"You miss him a great deal."
"I tell you, every time he comes driving up it's like the best day of my life.
I can't wait to get back on the road and forget all about this place. No
offense, I mean," Dean backtracked, realizing too late how that sounded.
"I suppose if you move around enough forgetting becomes necessary for
survival."
"I wish Sam would figure that out. He pitches a fit every time."
"Rumors say your father's a bounty hunter."
Dean grinned. "My dad's a total badass. He finds missing people, fugitives, all
that stuff. He's let me go on hunts with him, the past couple of years. I keep
trying to get him to let me take the GED and just stop this school shit but he
says I need to stick with it to keep an eye on Sam."
"Should I take it you mean to become one as well?"
"Never wanted to do anything else." He got up and grabbed two beers, handing
one to Castiel. "Don't tell anyone you got this from me, okay?" he said,
popping the top on his can. "So, what's your dad do?"
Castiel's expression clouded. "I don't know," he said, staring down into his
beer. "He left a long time ago."
Dean wished he could reverse time; he didn't know what was wrong with him, he
was old enough to know that could be a loaded question. "Hey, dude, sorry, I
didn't...."
"It's fine. I was very young when it happened. I have no memories of him," he
said, as if that made it in any way better.
"It still sucks. I'm sorry I asked."
"There's no need for you to be. You couldn't have known."
"How about your...."
"My older brothers look after me," he said, a firm we're not talking about this
anymore tone in his voice.
"Okay." Dean did know when to back off when he heard it. "Thanks for hanging
out with Sam," he said after a few quiet moments. "He doesn't always make
friends so easy, and us moving around is hard on him sometimes."
"I don't have any younger siblings," Castiel said. "I've always wondered what
that would be like."
"They're total brats who always call for rides home when you've got a girl in
the back seat," Dean said, grinning. "Hey, speaking of rides, it's getting
late. You need one?"
Castiel shook his head. "I texted my brother Uriel before the last movie
started. He should be here when he's able."
Dean just raised one eyebrow. "You got a brother named Uriel?"
Castiel's eyes cut toward him. "Yes?" he said, a clear challenge in his voice.
Dean bit his lip before the words Were you guys raised in a cult or something?
could come flying out, because Dean might have his moments but he knew that
would be a seriously dick thing to ask. "Nothing," Dean said, the word coming
out just a little too quickly. "Your family's, um...one of those theme name
families. I knew a girl one whose whole family had C names." Dean let out a
little sigh of relief when Castiel seemed to accept that. "So, when's he
showing up?"
Cas frowned. "I'm not sure. I thought he would be here by now."
Dean drummed his fingers against the arm of the sofa again. "Cas, can I ask a
question?"
The other boy looked up at him, his brows drawn together. "Of course."
"Why do you talk like a time traveler?" Okay, Dean realized as the words came
out that sounded pretty bad. "I mean, you talk like you're out of an old
movie."
Dean was surprised to see him blush bright red. "I suppose I do sound peculiar
to you." He picked at a stray thread on his sleeve. "I'm also not particularly
skilled at making friends," he admitted. "My family can be rather...insular.
Especially when I was younger I was dependent on them for company, and the
older ones don't...." He let that trail off. "So I read a great deal. I found
myself preferring the way people expressed themselves in the books I read. I
understood them better." He looked up at Dean again. "Do you have a problem
with how I speak?"
"No." He was surprised Cas had asked that. "It's cool. I like it," he said,
realizing as the words came out how much he meant it. Castiel smiled at that,
and Dean had a feeling that if Cas smiled like that at school more he'd have
girls all over him no matter how he talked. "You think you have time for
another movie? I got Crank 2 from the Redbox on the way home."
"Are you sure? It is late. I don't want to put you out."
"Dude, I'm watching the movie anyway, and besides, tomorrow's Saturday. Sit,
relax. Let me get Sam in bed and I'll make some more popcorn."
"But I haven't seen the first one."
Dean scoffed at that. "Seriously, I don't think it matters."
***
Dean didn't know what was keeping Castiel's mysterious brother, but at least
they got to finish the movie. "So, what'd you think?"
Cas was still staring at the screen. "I have no idea what I just watched."
"But it was cool, right?"
"Yes."
"Told you." Dean yawned; staying up late was nothing unusual but even he was
feeling a little tired by now. "Seriously, if you need to crash you can...."
Just then there was a knock on the door and Dean jumped up to get it; the motel
manager had been giving him the stink eye ever since it became clear it was
just him and Sam staying there and people knocking on the door at all hours
wasn't going to be any help. He took a step back when he opened the door; Dean
hadn't recognized Castiel but he sure as hell knew his brother, if this was his
brother, by face if not by name. Uriel looked more like a offensive lineman
than high schooler, tall and broad, dark-skinned with a shaved head. Dean
remembered the first time he'd encountered the guy, the impression he'd had
that he was the type who'd always just thought of a joke and it was always
somehow about you. "I understand that you've kidnapped my little brother."
Dean hated him immediately. "You're Uriel?"
He smiled at that, the way a shark would smile at a fish. "You don't see the
family resemblance?"
Dean heard Cas sigh behind them. "Uriel, don't bait him." He turned around to
see Castiel already standing with his bag on his shoulder. "You took your
time."
"You could have told me which motel you needed me to come to," he countered,
eyeing the room like it was crawling with filth. "There's three by this name."
When Cas walked up Uriel put one hand on his shoulder. "The school almost
called Michael about you cutting class," he said, keeping his voice low but not
low enough for Dean not to overhear.
Cas went pale at that, and Dean knew that was why Uriel had said it, so Dean
would know Cas had almost gotten in trouble. The dick. "But they didn't?"
Uriel shook his head. "I covered for you," and Dean felt his stomach churn at
the sheer relief on Castiel's face. "At least give me some warning next time."
Cas nodded. "Thank you." He looked over his shoulder as they left. "I'll see
you on Monday, Dean."
The door closed before Dean could say anything in return.
***** Chapter 2 *****
About two weeks later Dean was late getting to class and was surprised to see
Castiel standing outside the front gate, glancing at the cars passing like he
was looking for one in particular. Dean ducked behind a corner to keep an eye
on things; Castiel was usually pin point punctual; half the time he was in
class and ready before the teachers. After a few minutes a black car pulled up
and a man strolled out, older and taller than Cas, hairline already receding
despite the guy being somewhere in his twenties; the guy had intense, buggy
eyes and the general air of someone who was about to offer you a great deal on
a used car. Dean saw Castiel's back go ramrod straight as the man approached,
his eyes trained on the ground and his hands behind his back like a cadet lined
up for inspection.
The stranger tousled one hand through Castiel's hair, a big fake smile on his
face and Dean felt his hands ball into fists. If this guy touched Cas again
Dean was jumping in, he didn't care who he was. At first the conversation
seemed friendly enough, aside from the weird tension hanging in air, but it
wasn't long before that turned. Dean couldn't make out what was being said but
he could hear the man's tone of voice go mocking and angry, and when the guy
put one finger in Castiel's face Dean felt himself flinch in sympathy.
Cas kept his eyes on the ground and from what Dean could tell didn't say a
single word in return; he nodded a few times when Dean could tell he'd been
asked a question, but that was as far as any response went. This went on for
almost fifteen minutes, then the when the guy seemed satisfied his mood flipped
like a switch, smiling that sleazy shark smile again as he waved goodbye.
Dean watched Castiel stand there for a few more minutes, his hands tight fists
behind his back, then he seemed to shake himself out of it, first walking then
full-on running down the street. It took Dean a few minutes to find him hiding
out by the delivery entrance behind the school, sitting on the ground with a
badly rolled joint in one hand. "That shit's bad for you," Dean said, leaning
against the wall and not even bothering to pretend he didn't know why Cas was
back there.
Cas looked up at him. "Would it be better for me if I shared?"
"Might be less bad," Dean allowed. He took the offered joint, noticing how Cas'
hands shook as he handed it over, and lit it with his own lighter. Dean didn't
smoke all that often – he'd go along with other people but never bothered going
out of his way to buy weed – but he was experienced enough to manage it without
embarrassing himself. "So who was that dick?"
Castiel let out a deep breath. "My brother Zachariah," he said, lips twisting
into a scornful frown as he rolled and lit another for himself. "He handles
family business for Michael. Handles the money, all of it."
Dean shook his head; the more he found out about Castiel's byzantine family
structure the less he liked it. "So what was that all about?"
"He had some questions about how I'm spending my time."
"How you're spending what time? You don't do anything, if you're not doing
school stuff you're either with your other dick brother...."
"Dean, don't."
"He is, Cas, I don't know how you put up with him. Anyway, like I said, you're
either with Uriel or you're hanging out with me and Sam...." He trailed off
when Cas glanced up at him. "You gotta be kidding me." Castiel looked down at
the ground again, the joint slowly burning toward his fingers. Dean took
another hit of his own, fighting to keep his temper in check. Cas wasn't the
one he was mad at, after all. "Does your family not want you to have friends,
Cas?"
Castiel stared at the burning tip of his joint for a few moments. "I did tell
you they were insular," he said, which didn't help Dean's first knee-jerk cult
assumption. "But it is specifically that I'm friends with you." He looked up at
Dean then, and Dean could tell whatever he was about to say next, it scared the
crap out of him. "Dean, if I tell you something, will you promise not to say a
word?"
"Sure."
"Or to hate me?"
Dean felt a cold knot form in his stomach. "Of course."
Cas took a deep breath. "The fire that killed your mother. You're aware it was
arson?"
For a second Dean couldn't breathe, the memories of flames were too hot and too
close. "Yeah," he finally said, his throat so dry he was surprised he managed
that much. "Someone snuck into Sam's nursery and did it. Killed my mom. There
were a bunch of those at the same time, it got called the Lucifer murders. They
caught the guy behind everything but my dad's spent his life looking for the
bastard who was in Sam's room that night."
Castiel nodded. His lips went thin, like he was trying hard not to lose his
nerve. "My brother was the one they caught," he whispered. "My second-eldest
brother. He didn't physically set the fires but it was done on his orders."
Castiel was shaking so hard the joint fell from his fingers. "My brother is a
monster, Dean. I hope he's never able to see the light of day again."
Dean was so shocked he forgot how language worked for a moment. "How long have
you been keeping this quiet?"
"I overheard Gordon Walker mention the murders to Sam. I told myself it had to
be a coincidence, but when I researched you on the internet and knew it was
true."
Dean put the whole researched you on the internet thing aside for the moment.
"Why?"
"Why did the murders happen or why did I stay silent?"
"Let's try one then the other."
Castiel nodded, his eyes wide like Dean was about to lead him to the gallows.
"I didn't know how you would react. I...how do you say something like this?"
"First one now," Dean said, the words harder than he'd meant them to be.
"I was three, Dean. If I've ever even met the man, I don't remember. I don't
know my brother's heart, all I know is what I've been told." He raked one hand
through his hair. "When my father left it threw my family into turmoil. Michael
was the eldest so it was assumed he would be in charge but...." His lips
twisted up into a mirthless smile. "Do you know, we even call him Lucifer now,
even among ourselves?" He shook that away. "Anyway, Lucifer though he could do
better. I don't know how the killings served that purpose, only that they did
and that he had agents of his carry them out."
Dean stared at Castiel for a long, long time, fighting down the rage burning
under his skin like the inferno he still had nightmares about. "Hey," he said,
and the absolute despair in Castiel's eyes was finally able to drench that rage
like ice water. "Dude. Like you said. You were three." Castiel let out a long,
shaky breath and Dean rubbed the back of his neck. "You okay?"
Cas nodded, which was an obvious lie but Dean let it go. "All that was what
your brother was giving you a hard time about?"
He nodded again. "Zachariah said he would tell you and then you would never
speak to me again."
And Dean could bet the guy would find a way to spin it so Dean would do just
that. "So you decided to head him off at the pass?"
"I couldn't find another way to remove the leverage."
"Hey, a little rebellion’s good for the soul, as far as I'm concerned." He
rubbed his forehead, fighting back the headache building behind his eyes. "I
still don't get it, what's their problem with me?"
"It's not you personally," Cas reassured. "Michael prefers to have problems
handled internally, especially Lucifer problems. Everyone knows what your
father does. Even though I don't know anything they want to make sure I don't
tell you what little I do know."
Dean took one final hit from his joint. "I don't think I like your brothers
that much." He could tell Cas wanted to agree but didn't dare say it out loud.
"You wanna go to class? History's about to start."
"I think I'll skip today."
"Probably a good idea. You actually made the teacher cry yesterday."
He was glad to see Castiel smile at that. "She showed that Alexander movie and
claimed it was history." He looked up at Dean. "Why aren't you going? You
haven't traumatized any teachers this week."
"Nah," Dean said, settling back against the wall. "I'm good here."
The look Castiel gave him was so grateful Dean couldn't return it.
***
Dean stirred awake, slowly registering the sound of rain pounding against the
window. He rolled over, thinking to check the window, and almost jumped out of
his skin when he saw Castiel standing by the window staring down at him.
"Jesus, Cas," he said, remembering at the last second to keep his voice down.
"Not cool."
"Sorry," Castiel whispered back, and now Dean was awake enough to see that he
was dripping wet. "My ride fell through and my phone died."
"So breaking in and watching me sleep – and seriously, creepy – that's the
solution."
"I just got here," he said, crossing his arms. "And I didn't break in, the
window was open." As if that made it okay. "May I crash here?"
Dean wasn't so irritated that he could miss that Cas' teeth were chattering.
"Sure, man, 'course you can." He nodded over to the dresser. "Grab something of
mine to change into before you get hypothermia, then you can grab the couch."
Then Dean hissed in a breath, grabbing Cas' wrist. "Wait, sorry, no you can't.
I brought a girl back here a few days ago and she crashed out there and the
manager had a fit. You gotta stay here."
"The floor is fine. Anything that's not wet is perfect." Once he'd gotten
himself somewhere approaching dry Dean threw him one of the blankets and
watched him curl up on the floor, so exhausted he was asleep almost
immediately. After a few minutes Dean felt bad and threw him the pillow too,
grinning despite himself at Cas' muttered, half-awake thanks as he managed to
get the pillow more or less under his head.
The next time Cas showed up needing a place to crash Dean pulled an air
mattress out from under the bed without a word, savoring the overwhelmed
surprise on Cas' face. "Hey, if I had your brothers I'd
need a break every so often too," he said, cutting off whatever excuse Cas had
been about to come up with.
And even though it went against everything his dad had taught him growing up,
from then on Dean made sure to keep his window open.
***
"Motherfucking son of a bitch!" Dean was two seconds from hurling his phone
against the wall when he heard a voice behind him.
"What's wrong?"
Dean felt his heart stop for a second when as he turned around. "Cas, don't do
that. How many times do I have to tell you not to sneak up on people?"
"I didn't 'sneak up.' I walked up normally." He tilted his head to the side.
"Again, what's wrong?"
Dean let out a long breath. "My dad swung by this morning, just to drop off
some cash and a new credit card and stuff but Sam must have thought we were
heading out because he took off. It must have been right after, I just found
out he wasn't in school all day."
Dean was surprised to see that Cas seemed to be taking this as hard as he was.
"Could he be back at the motel?"
"Looked already, he's not there. He even cleared his stuff out." Dean tried
Sam's phone again, swearing when the call went to voicemail again. "He's not
answering his phone and he turned off the GPS. The brat even changed the
password so I can't get it turned on remotely."
"Perhaps he just needs time...?" Cas said, not sounding at all convinced.
"Last time he did this he was gone for two weeks and I only found him because
he ordered pizzas on the credit card. Those were the worst two weeks of my
life, Cas, I...Jesus, my dad's gonna kill me for losing him again."
"What can I do?"
Dean shook his head. "Don't worry about it, it's not your problem. I gotta head
out looking."
Castiel narrowed his eyes at that, then walked over to the car and parked
himself in the passenger seat. "We should go, then, shouldn't we."
Dean sighed, sliding behind the steering wheel. "Just cause a door's open
doesn't mean you walk in, Cas." He turned the key in the ignition, the purr of
the Impala's engines calming down his pounding heart. He could hear his dad's
voice lecturing him about letting outsiders get involved in family business and
tried to shut it out; he told himself as he pulled out onto the highway that he
just didn't have time to argue with Cas about it.
It took three hours and five motels for Dean to calm down enough for him to
admit that wasn't entirely true. "Thanks for tagging along, Cas," he said,
keeping his eyes trained on the highway. "Dad always told us not to trust
anyone other than family. Guess our folks are alike that way, huh?" He pulled
onto yet another exit. "Not being alone right now's the only thing keeping me
from going nuts."
As they pulled up in front of the next motel on Dean's list he noticed Castiel
had been quiet, even for him. "Dude. You okay?"
Cas stared out the window for a few moments before answering. "My sister ran
away," he said softly, not looking at Dean. "Three years ago."
Dean smothered an impulse to say Good for her. "Didn't know you had a sister."
"We don't speak of her."
"Yeah, I forget who you're related to sometimes. She as bad as the rest?"
He drummed his fingers against the window. "She was bossy. She was always
telling me and Uriel what to do."
"Sounds like a drag."
Castiel's lips tugged up. "I didn't mind it." He drummed his fingers against
window again, that faint smile fading. "I didn't look for her, I was so angry.
I wish...I wish I had done what you're doing for Sam."
"Little brothers aren't supposed to look out for the older ones, Cas. You were
a kid. Wasn't your fault." He sighed, leaning his head against the back of the
seat. "God, I wish Sam would answer his phone."
Castiel tilted his head. "I wonder if it could be that easy." He took out his
own phone and pressed a number on his speed dial.
"Dude, it's not gonna work---"
Castiel raised one hand, cutting Dean off. "Sam? I didn't see you at lunch
today, are you ill?" Cas' brows furrowed, like he was actually surprised by
whatever Sam was saying. "Does Dean know?" Castiel's eyebrows lifted. "You
shouldn't ever let him hear you say that." Dean made a wind it up gesture and
Castiel frowned at him. "I have your homework. Do you want me to bring it to
you?"
"C'mon, there's no way that's gonna work..." Dean muttered.
Castiel glared shut up at him. "Mhmm." He motioned to Dean for something to
write with. "Aren't there a few of those?" He nodded. "The one on the north
bound highway, I understand." His lips twisted into a sour frown. "No, I won't
tell Dean." Cas ended the call and handed Dean the note. "That's where he is."
Dean floored it back toward the highway. "Thank God for nerds."
***
Dean hid along the side of the door as Castiel knocked, feeling his knees
almost buckle in relief when Sam opened the door. "Hey, Cas! Glad you found
it."
"So am I."
Dean took that as his cue; he pushed past Castiel and shoved Sam backwards,
hard. "You little punk, what the hell where you thinking?"
Sam stumbled backward, staring up at Cas instead of Dean. "You liar! I don't
believe you snitched on me!"
"How dare you run away." The outright fury in Castiel's voice snapped Sam's
mouth shut. "How dare you. Do you have any idea how you worried your brother?"
"I'm not moving again. I just wanna stay in one place in for a whole year, why
can't I just have that?"
Castiel's eyes narrowed. "Don't be such a brat."
It seemed like the time for Dean to step in. "We're not going anywhere. Dad was
just dropping stuff off, we're still stuck here. Okay? Dad's not taking us
anywhere yet."
"I'll be in the car," Castiel said as he stormed out, still so angry he was
bristling with it.
Sam watched after him for a moment, then sank down on the bed, his head bowed
over his knees. "What's he so mad about?"
Dean sat down beside him and heaved a huge sigh. "This all hit on some family
stuff for him, I think. Don't take it personal." He tapped Sam's shoulder so
his brother would look up. "Sammy, you told me after the last time this
wouldn't happen again. You promised."
Sam went back to staring at his hands. "Don't you ever want more than this,
Dean? New town, new school every few months? Making friends when you know
you're never gonna see them again? I'm just...I'm so tired of it."
Dean tousled one hand through Sam's hair. "I don't know, Sammy. The only things
I've ever needed are you and Dad. I got those, I'm home, it doesn't matter
where we are, this town, that town, motel, driving down the highway, wherever.
Hell, I'm happiest when we're on the move, you know that, you and me and Dad
all in one car."
Sam was quiet for a long time. "Someday I'll be old enough that you won't be
able to just drag me back, Dean."
Dean didn't say how often he had nightmares about that. "Well, you're not now."
He stood up, tapping Sam's shoulder again. "C'mon. It's time to head back. And
you'd better seriously suck up to Cas or he'll never forgive you."
"He snitched on me," Sam muttered but Dean saw guilt flash across his face, and
he was just happy Sam was sorry for something.
***** Chapter 3 *****
So Dean wasn't sure how it had come about, but it seemed like Cas and the
history teacher had come to some kind of an accord: he agreed to stop
embarrassing her by pointing out her...questionable historical knowledge in
front of the class, and she would quietly mark him as in when he decided to
cut. Dean didn't know when he'd been grandfathered into this arrangement, but
whenever he cut too she just pretended not to notice the two empty seats. Dean
wished all of his teachers could be so accommodating.
Usually they spent the free period behind the school, sometimes with Cas doing
Dean's homework and sometimes with the two of them smoking, sharing a joint
they passed back and forth. It really wasn't enough to get either of them
anywhere but Dean had to admit, it made dealing with the next period's geometry
ordeal a thousand times easier.
"How did you manage to get the formulas right but put them on the wrong
problems?" Cas marveled, erasing Dean's half-hearted attempt and correcting it.
"It's a special talent I have," Dean said. The only use he had for geometry was
to help him win at pool, and he didn't need to know how many digits were in pi
for that. "How do you know this stuff?"
"I pay more attention to what the teacher's saying than to her hemline," Cas
countered, his lips curling up.
"Hey, that's not my fault. A math teacher has no right being that hot." He
glanced at his watch and jumped up. "Shit, Cas, we got, like, five minutes."
Castiel gathered up his books and notes, stuffing them into his backpack. Dean
saw something drift down from one book and bent down to pick it up. "Hey, Cas,
you dropped this."
Cas rushed forward when he saw what was in Dean's hand; at a glance Dean had
been able to tell it was a photograph, and from the way Castiel reacted a
pretty important one. "Thank you," he breathed, sinking back down against the
wall. "It would be horrible to lose this."
Dean sat down beside him. It wasn't like he wasn't failing geometry anyway.
"Can I take a look?" he said; when Cas nodded he took the picture like it was
delicate parchment, making sure Cas could see how careful he was being.
Now that he could take a good look Dean could see it was a group shot, one a
few years old; he guessed that Cas was maybe twelve in the picture. Dean could
count on one hand the number of times he'd seen Castiel smile the way he was in
that snapshot. "So, this is the bunch of you, huh?"
Castiel nodded. "This is the last picture we took with all of us together," he
said, a wistful edge to his voice.
There were seven in the picture all together, a subtle but clear divide between
the older brothers and the younger kids; Dean made out Uriel right away,
standing behind Castiel and already bigger and more hulking than a thirteen-
year-old had any right to be, that mocking smile Dean saw every day in the
hallways firmly in place. Leaning against Castiel with one arm on his shoulder
was an older boy in an ROTC uniform, one Dean guessed was around the age Cas
was now. He had a smirking kind of smile with sharp features and deepset eyes.
"Who's this guy? I don't recognize him."
Castiel eyes brightened. "That's my brother Balthazar."
"Yeah? He doesn't seem that bad, why isn't he around?"
Cas' expression faltered. "He died," Castiel whispered, sounding as distraught
as if it had happened the day before. "In the war."
"Shit. Cas, I'm sorry."
Castiel shook his head. "It's all right." He touched the picture, tracing it
gently. "I miss him a great deal."
Dean examined the older brothers. Standing all the way on the left was a blond
man dressed in an army uniform with captain's stripes Dean immediately guessed
had to be Michael; even though he was standing with the rest he still seemed
apart as he stared into the camera at full military attention, a prideful look
in his blue eyes. Next to him was a shorter man, dark-skinned like Uriel but
slimmer, eyes cold like black pits. Dean knew that was Raphael; Castiel had
told him once Raphael was in charge of "discipline." He'd come to the school
once when Cas' weed turned up in a random locker check. Dean had thrown himself
on that grenade and claimed the pot as his the second he'd seen the panic on
Castiel's face (it wasn't as if Dean cared about his permanent record) and
after the principal wore himself out yelling at Dean Cas had still been so
scared he'd thrown up. Uriel had actually managed to be decent to Dean for two
whole days after that instead of treating him like some annoying bug his
brother insisted on wasting time on.
There was Zachariah, standing next to Michael and smarmy as ever; seated in
front on the ground like he was making a point of standing out was a young
blond man with close-set eyes and lips curled up in a smirk Dean had a feeling
was permanent. "Who's this guy?" Dean asked, tapping the picture. "I don't
recognize him."
Castiel's mouth twisted into a scowl. "Gabriel."
God, the names on these people. "Sounds like you two are close."
Cas shook his head. "He left shortly after this was taken. No one knows what's
become of him."
"I'm guessing you two weren't all that tight before that anyway."
He just sighed. "Gabriel could be...difficult," he said. "I never cared for his
humor."
"Dude, you think Uriel's hilarious, I'm not trusting your judgment on anyone's
sense of humor."
"Uriel is funny," he insisted. "Gabriel only cared if he was laughing, not
anyone else."
"Yeah, still not seeing the big difference there." Cas glared at him and Dean
decided to let things drop. The right side of the picture was torn; Dean could
just make out a slim, pale arm threaded through Cas' and didn't need three
guesses at who this was. "Dude, you were seriously pissed at your sis, huh?"
Castiel nodded, tracing one finger down the torn edge. "I did that to all the
pictures of her I could find," he admitted. "I regret that now."
Dean knew his own family experience was pretty skewed, but he was pretty sure a
simple family picture shouldn't be enough to make someone look as sad as Cas
did now. "Hey," Dean said, tapping Castiel on the shoulder to snap him out of
it. "What do you say we skip the rest of the day, huh? I know the chick who
works the ticket booth at the movie theater, she can get us in for free."
Cas nodded again, sliding the picture back into his notebook. "I think I like
that idea."
***
Dean passed three hours after school watching the cheerleaders practice and
came away with two cell numbers and an invitation to meet back up with the head
of the squad at a private party at her house later that night, time well spent
as far as he was concerned. He whistled as he cut through the hallway to get
back to the car, pulling up short when he spotted Castiel alone in the computer
lab, his face a mask of concentration. "Cas, you know school's over, right?"
"Hello, Dean," he said, not even looking up. "I'm engaged in a flame war."
"You're...." Dean trailed off. "O-kay." He walked in, unable to resist whatever
this was, and leaned against the wall as he watched Castiel type. "So, who's
wrong on the internet?" he said, hearing the instant message alarm ping.
Castiel shook his head. "I've never encountered someone with a more wrong-
headed view of the Apocrapha."
Dean knew that being able to interpret that meant he and Cas hung out way too
much. "Dude," he said, rubbing his forehead, "please tell me you're not sitting
here after school having a flame war about the Bible."
The IM alert pinged again. "No, that just started over the instant messaging.
And I believe I'm being trolled anyway, because no one who types like this
could possibly have the literacy necessary to even have these ridiculous
opinions."
"Not everyone grammar checks their IMs they way you do, Cas – wait, so who's
the flame war with?"
"That's on the forum. I'm trying to point out how the Vatican II reforms need
to be taken in historical context."
"You're...." Okay, Dean had to put a stop to this. "C'mon, get up," Dean said,
hauling Cas up by his collar.
"Dean, leave me alone, I'm busy."
"No way, I'm de-nerdifying you." He pulled Castiel out of the chair and started
dragging him away. "I'm doing this as a friend, Cas."
"What? No, Dean, let me go, I didn't hit post. Dean, I swear, five minutes...."
Castiel kept arguing right up until Dean parked him in the passenger seat. "I
was winning," he sulked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"It actually scares me how invested you are in this." He reached under the seat
and tossed a handful of cassettes into Castiel's lap. "Here, just this once
I'll let you pick the music. What's it gonna be, Led Zep, Dylan, Metallica,
pick your poison."
"I...." he said, picking through the tapes. "I don't really...."
Dean squeezed his eyes shut. "Tell me your stupid family doesn't just let you
listen to classical crap."
Cas wilted. "I liked the chord progression of the song that was playing last
time."
"Zepplin it is," Dean said, snatching one of the tapes and putting into the
player. "At least you've got taste." He swung by the Redbox as Robert Plant
really got into a good wail and picked out a stack of movies, then made one
more stop for snacks and a couple six packs of beer.
Castiel raised one eyebrow at him as he slid back behind the steering wheel.
"How are you always able to just walk in and buy alcohol?"
"Cas, God gave me a winning smile and a fake ID," he said, pulling out of the
lot. By the time Dean backed the car into its usual spot in front of the motel
he thought Cas had almost completely forgiven him. "Okay, Sam's off at a
buddy's doing some science thing so we've got the place to ourselves 'till
later, and he's getting dropped off so I don't have to waste half my night
chauffeuring him around for once." Castiel sat on the floor in front of the
sofa and Dean threw him a beer.
"What exactly are we doing, again?" Castiel asked, cracking open the beer and
helping himself to the chips Dean opened up.
"We're gonna watch Jason Statham punch dudes in the face until we badass the
geek out of you, Cas." He looked over the movie selection. "Might be some Vin
Diesel in here too." He dropped the bag of movies into Cas' lap. "Here, you can
pick the first one," he said, stretching out on the couch.
Castiel shrugged and picked one seemingly at random, pushing it into the player
and settling back against the couch. After about twenty minutes Dean could
almost hear his brow furrow. "Have we seen this before?"
"Don't think so," Dean said, looking at the case. "Wait, no, we saw the
sequel."
"I...How many times can someone's heart almost explode?"
Dean grinned. "Two so far, at least until they make the sequel." He grabbed the
bag of chips from Cas and opened up a second beer. "Don't think about it too
hard, Cas. Just enjoy the explosions."
And he did, for a solid two movies and a half. "Wait, we have seen this one,
right?"
Dean let out a pfff sound. "C'mon, Cas, this is a totally different franchise."
Castiel had the loudest frown of anyone Dean had ever met. "So...does this
actor just keep making the same movie?"
Dean just scoffed again. "Man, you're such a snob. And he does not."
Halfway through the next one Castiel nodded. "You're right, Dean. He makes two,
one where he drives things and one where he's an English gangster."
Obviously the only response to that was for Dean to throw the empty popcorn bag
at his head. Cas dodged it, grinning back and Dean cracked open his last beer.
He'd say he wished he'd grabbed more, but if he was out that was his own fault;
Cas was only on his third. Maybe he'd share if Dean asked nicely.
Sam came in just as the credits started to roll, shaking water off his jacket.
"Hey, Sam," Dean said. "It's raining?"
"Just started. Hey, Cas," he said, waving.
"Hello, Sam," was all Castiel replied, squinting at the screen as if
deciphering the action required all his concentration. "I can't state how many
laws of physics this sequence is breaking."
"How's the project going?"
Sam shrugged. "Better if me and Trevor weren't the only ones in the group doing
any work. We're meeting up tomorrow again to finish things up."
"This is why you should get someone to do your homework for you like I did."
Sam just rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you're a great role model there."
Dean let that slide. "Hey, Sam, tell Cas that Jason Statham makes more than one
movie."
"Sure he does. There's the one where he drives stuff and the one where he's
English gangster guy."
Dean didn't miss the little sideways look of victory Cas gave Sam. "Great,"
Dean said with an exaggerated, tragic sigh. "Now I'm being double teamed."
"Hey, Dean," Sam said after grabbing a towel from the bathroom to dry off his
hair. "Were you...um, supposed to hang out with Trevor's sister tonight or
something? She kept checking her phone and asking about you, and she um, was
kinda dressed like you two were hanging out."
Dean frowned, running through his mental rolodex to see if he could remember if
any of the girls he knew had brothers Sam's age. "Don't know. What's her name?"
"Amanda. Mandy."
Dean shook his head. "Nah, that doesn't help," he said, although he was
starting to get a bad feeling. "She a cheerleader?"
"Yep. Head of the squad, actually."
Dean winced. So that's what all those texts he'd put off checking had been
about. "Then yeah, technically. Got distracted."
Sam just shook his head at him again. "Yeah, well, she is really pissed. You'd
better make it up to her on Monday or she's gonna have the whole squad in
revenge mode, and I gotta go to that school too."
"Yeah, I'll deal with it. Nothing I haven't had to do before." He passed the
next movie to Cas. "You wanna join in for the next one? There's room on the
couch."
"Dean, it's like midnight."
"It is?"
"Yeah," Sam said, giving him a seriously, where have you been? look. "It's
seriously late."
"But, I mean, it's Friday, who cares?"
"I gotta get up early, I told you. And I've seen this one."
"Yes?" Cas said. "Which of the two is it?"
"English gangster."
Castiel grinned. "Good. I prefer those."
Dean stole one of his beers. "Philistine."
"I fail to see how my movie preferences have anything to do with a Canaanite
Iron Age culture."
"You tell him, Cas," Sam said, yawning. "You crashing again?"
Castiel nodded. "If I may."
"You can always crash here, you know that." Dean studied Castiel as the movie
started and Sam wandered off to bed, worry curdling in his stomach. He really
hadn't realized how late it was, but what had his attention now was how the
entire time they'd been hanging out Castiel's phone hadn't rung once. "So, when
should I expect your idiot brother to come around looking for you?"
Cas scowled. "You shouldn't. I'm not."
Dean drummed his fingers against the arm of the couch. Castiel had never
invited him to hang back at his place, not even for appearances sake (not that
Dean could really blame him, considering the sheer density of jerks who lived
there.) Cas was crashing with him and Sam more often than not lately, five
times in the past week, and even the nights he did go home he was over late.
And those nights were hard, Dean up late wondering if Cas got home okay,
wondering that and trying not to think about how outright scared Cas had been
when Raphael had shown up at school that day or him going to attention with his
eyes on the ground when Zachariah got in his face. Dean had never spotted any
bruises on him (and Dean didn't know what he'd do if he ever did, his chest
went weird and tight just thinking about it) but he knew that didn't always
mean anything. Dean liked to gloss over the rough patches in his life, but
there'd been enough of them for him to recognize the look of someone who didn't
want to go home. "Cas. Is everything okay?"
"Of course. Why do you ask?"
"Haven't seen Uriel around much lately, at school or otherwise. Used to be the
two of you were joined at the hip. A month or so ago he would've been around
bitching about me keeping you out late."
Cas scowled. "Uriel has been busy with his own concerns. He's made it very
clear they don't involve me."
"That my fault?" Dean asked. "He's never been much of a fan of mine."
"I don't know. I don't think so."
"So you don't have to check in?"
Dean hadn't thought it was possible, but Castiel's scowl deepened. "My elder
brothers don't concern themselves with my comings and goings."
"That dick Zachariah seemed pretty concerned."
"I haven't given them any reason to suspect me. If I'm not making trouble they
don't take notice of me."
Dean tried to imagine what he would do if Sam ever decided to not come home for
days on end. "That sucks, Cas."
Castiel turned to look at him, seeming to be confused that Dean was bothered.
"It's not anything new."
Dean settled back against the couch. "Still sucks," he muttered. He turned his
attention back to the movie and focused on figuring out who was shotgunning
who.
"Dean?" Cas said after a few minutes.
"Yeah?"
"Did you really break a date to hang out with me tonight?"
"Yeah, seems like."
Cas was quiet for a few moments. "Thank you."
Dean shrugged that off, suddenly uncomfortable. "No big deal. Probably had a
better time here anyway."
"Thank you anyway."
"You're welcome, buddy. Watch the movie."
 
***
Dean woke to the DVD menu screen playing on repeat; the clock on the player
read 3:05 and Dean rolled over, his neck stiff from sleeping against the arm of
the couch. Castiel was asleep too, curled up on the floor, and Dean gave his
shoulder a quick shake. "Hey, Cas," he said, shaking him again when he didn't
wake up right away. "Cas, you can't stay there all night." Cas nodded and
muttered something Dean was pretty sure was supposed to be "Okay, I'll get up,"
but mostly came out as "mrmhmm." When he still didn't move, Dean dragged him to
the couch by one arm. "See? Better, right?"
Cas nodded again but instead of waking up he sort of flopped over against Dean
as he curled up again. "Dude," Dean said. "C'mon. Get up and go to bed."
"Good here," he said, outright using Dean as a pillow now. Dean shook his head
and wrapped one arm around his shoulders, trying to drag him up to his feet.
Dean's plan was to get Cas more or less vertical, drag him back to the bedroom,
drop him on his mattress then pass out again himself.
Dean lost his grip and Cas settled against him again like he'd lost all his
bones. "C'mon, Cas," Dean sighed, prodding him again.
The plan was to get them both to bed. It just wasn't what happened.
Castiel finally managed to get himself to somewhere around half-awake and
pushed himself off of Dean. Dean thought that maybe it was the way he blushed
when he realized that he was on top of Dean. Whatever it was, something made
Dean lean up and kiss him then, made him curl one hand around the back of his
head and pull him back down. Dean heard Castiel murmur "Dean?" against his
lips, awake now and sounding surprised but not pulling back.
"This okay?" Dean whispered back, his fingers trailing through Cas' hair.
Instead of answering Castiel just kissed him back, a rough, messy kiss, Cas
pressing against him and Dean had never realized until that moment how much
he'd wanted that. Dean knew full well Cas had never kissed anyone before and it
showed but that just made it even hotter. They shifted around on the couch
until Cas wound up under him, his head thrown back as Dean kissed down his
neck. This was why it had never worked all those times Dean had pushed Cas at
girls; the girls were interested but Cas never looked at girls, not like that.
He only looked at Dean like that.
Dean slipped his hands under Cas' shirt and Cas moaned, those blue eyes of his
so wide Dean couldn't stop looking at them. Dean had never met a girl who had
eyes like Castiel's. Dean had tried so hard not to think about it, not to think
about Cas when he met a girl with blue eyes and not to think about Cas' full
lips when he kissed someone else. He could kiss those lips as much as he wanted
now, though, and he took every advantage, kissing Cas until they were both
breathless with it. "Dean," Cas murmured in that whiskey soaked voice of his,
the one that made him sound so much older. Dean loved the way Cas said his
name. He realized in that second he always had, maybe even from that first day.
Cas pressed up against him again, whimpering now, clutching hard onto Dean.
Dean realized he'd never wanted anything the way he wanted to make Cas come
then, to feel him arch under him as those eyes got even wider.
Cas let out a soft, shuddery moan that told Dean he was already so close, his
fingers digging into Dean's arm. "Dean," he whispered again and Dean couldn't
help moaning at the need he heard there. "Dean."
Dean startled awake to a quiet room, the DVD menu playing in a loop on the TV.
His heart jackhammered in his chest as he lay there on the couch, What the hell
was that? the only thought in his head. He looked around and saw Cas curled up
asleep just the way he had been in the dream, but this time instead of waking
him up Dean crept off the couch and stumbled backward toward the shower. He
turned up the hot water as high as it could go to try to scald the dream away.
Every time he thought about the way Cas' eyes had looked in the dream or the
way his voice had rasped on Dean's name he felt himself start to get hard again
and he strangled those thoughts down. Dean Winchester didn't have thoughts like
that. And he sure as hell didn't have those kind of thoughts about friends of
his, Jesus Christ.
By the time he felt like it was safe again the hot water had long since run
out. He turned off the tap and dried himself off before venturing back outside
to his relief fining Castiel still fast asleep. Dean shook him awake, making
sure to be rougher than he had in the dream. "Cas. C'mon, get up. You can't
sleep down there."
Castiel's bleary eyes blinked open and for one terrifying second Dean thought
he'd be able to look into Dean's head and know what he'd been dreaming about.
The instant passed though, and Dean didn't see anything on Castiel's face aside
from ordinary, sleepy confusion. "Dean? Is it morning already?"
"Nah," Dean said, hoping he sounded smoother than he felt. "Still middle of the
night, but you're gonna get one hell of a crick in your neck if you sleep there
all night."
Cas' brow furrowed. "But then why did you shower?"
Sheer panic shut down Dean's brain for a second. "Spilled some beer on myself.
Felt sticky," he said, and was that ever the wrong thing to blurt out.
Fortunately, though, Cas was Cas and didn't seem to think anything of it.
"Should we go to bed, then?"
"No!" Dean felt guilty as hell, but he couldn't deal with Cas sleeping so
close. Not tonight. "No, dude, crash on the couch. It's gotta be more
comfortable than that crappy air mattress, anyway."
"But I thought you said you'd get in trouble?"
"The manager's away for the weekend," Dean said, which at least was true. "It's
cool this once."
Castiel just shrugged and stretched out on the couch, clearly too tired to
question it. "'Kay. 'Night, Dean."
"Yeah. Yeah, 'night, Cas."
Dean didn't get any sleep that night.
That Monday at school Dean tracked down Mandy the head cheerleader even before
first bell rang; it only took a few well-chosen, apologetic words to get her to
drag him into the AV club supply closet and man, Dean really did love those
little cheerleader skirts.
And if he had to close his eyes when he realized hers were blue, he refused to
think about it.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Castiel paced back and forth behind the school, checking his phone with every
pass. When he finally saw Uriel turn the corner the relief was so strong that
for a second Castiel forgot to be angry. "I wasn't sure you were coming."
Uriel's eyebrows raised, that smile on his face that he used when he was trying
to put on that he didn't have care in the world. "I said I would, didn't I?"
Castiel knew him too well for that. "You've said a lot of things lately."
Castiel saw the walls go up behind Uriel's eyes and there. Now the anger was
back. "Where have you been? You haven't been in school for over a week, I can't
cover for you anymore."
Uriel smiled again, this one even falser than the first. "Soon you won't have
to."
"What does that mean?" He looked around to make absolutely certain that no one
was watching. "Are you setting fires again?" Uriel liked to destroy things,
Castiel knew that, and he'd made his brother promise to take him along so he
could mitigate the damage.
"Ease your conscience."
"Then what's been going on? What haven't you been telling me?" Castiel wished
that hadn't come out quite so needy.
Uriel sighed, the fake joviality fading away. "I'd hoped you were too occupied
with Winchester to notice. It would figure the vagrant wouldn't even be good
enough for that."
"I wish you wouldn't talk about Dean that way."
Uriel crossed his arms, his eyes distant for a moment, and Castiel felt cold
fear creep in around his stomach. He could count on one hand the times he'd
ever seen Uriel unsure about anything. "I'd hoped I would be able to choose my
moment better."
"Chose your moment for what?"
Uriel put his hands on Castiel's shoulders. "I've been working on plan. One
that's nearly complete," he said, his eyes lit up with a zeal Castiel had never
seen before. "I'm going to break our brother out of captivity."
Castiel jerked backward out of his grasp. "That isn't funny."
"It's not meant to be." He sighed, crossing his arms again. "I'd hoped you
would see reason."
"You want me to see reason? Uriel, this is insane. Lucifer's a monster, you
can't---"
"Don't call him that."
"It's the name he's earned," Castiel countered, his eyes narrowing. "And he is.
He's in prison for a reason, Michael put him there himself."
"Funny how it's always family business stays in the family unless Michael
decides it's doesn't."
"He's a murderer. You can't deny that."
"Do you really think Michael and Raphael are any better?" He put one hand back
on Castiel's shoulder. "I want your help with with this. You're clever, you'll
see flaws in the plan I won't."
Castiel recoiled backward again. "No."
Uriel looked resigned. "I was afraid you would say that."
Castiel didn't see the switchblade in Uriel's hand until it was much too late;
almost before he could process what was happening Uriel grabbed him by the
collar and hauled him up against the wall. He squeezed his eyes shut when he
felt the edge of the blade press against his throat. "What are you going to
do?" he said, forcing himself to meet Uriel's eyes again. He was actually glad
this was happening so fast. It kept him from being as terrified as he knew he
should be.
"That depends on what you choose in the next five seconds."
"I won't help you."
"Can I at least depend on your silence?"
Castiel swallowed hard. "Don't do this. It's over now. Just let it be over."
"It's too late for that."
"I have to say something. If they find out I knew and didn't say anything it'll
be as bad as if I had helped you anyway."
"Then I don't see what you don't join me. When Anna abandoned the family we
swore the two of us would always back each other. Did you forget that?"
"No. No, I haven't but I can't. Anything else I would, you know that but not
with this." He could feel himself getting light-headed from being held against
the wall. "Please put me down."
The blade just pressed harder against his neck. "Why did you put me in this
position, Castiel?"
He never knew whether Uriel really would have gone through with it; just then
they heard someone coming around the corner and Uriel dropped him. Castiel
liked to believe the answer would have been no, but then there were the nights
when he closed his eyes and remembered the raw belief in his brother's eyes.
Uriel glanced at him and Castiel nodded, their normal dynamic coming back
before either of them seemed to realize it.
Castiel watched Uriel disappear around the corner and he sank to the ground,
his legs giving out on him. He looked up in time to see the ancient senior
English teacher toddle around the corner, a pack of cigarettes in hand. "What
are you doing back here?"
He would wonder later what it said about him that it had never even occurred to
him not to lie. He pulled a joint out of his pocket, his hands shaking hard
enough that it took two tries to light it. "I'll stay quiet if you will."
***
By the time third period rolled around and there was still no sign of Cas Dean
was starting to worry. He'd just pulled out his phone to text again when Cas
slid into the vacant seat seat beside him, reeking of pot and a nervous tic
shaking his leg so hard the whole desk vibrated. "Dude, where've you been?"
Dean whispered, glad the bio teacher was half-deaf. "Why haven't you been
answering your phone?"
If was like Castiel hadn't heard him. "Cas, what's going on? You never get
baked this early."
"I need to talk to you," Castiel said, his voice as flat as a zombie's. "Right
now."
"Um...sure." Dean felt alarm flash through him when he saw Cas get up so
quickly the seat would have toppled over backward if it hadn't been bolted to
the desk, not caring if he got caught. Dean at least waited until the teacher
had turned her back before sneaking out the back entrance, following Cas down
to the mostly-empty cafeteria, noticing that Cas' hands were balled into tight
fists the entire way.
It wasn't until they were sitting opposite each other that Dean saw the mark on
his neck. "Shit, Cas," he said, tipping Castiel's chin up so he could get a
good look at the red line along the side of his throat. Up close Dean could see
the dark bruise blossoming on his chest, almost like.... Dean felt his eyes
narrow. Like someone had put him up against a wall. "What the hell happened?"
Cas just stared at his hands, his leg still shaking hard enough to move the
table. "Dean, if you found out Sam was planning to do something terrible, what
would you do?"
Dean felt his brain immediately jump into crisis mode. "Did Sam tell you he was
up to something? Is he running away again?"
Castiel shook his head. "No, no, nothing like that. Sam's not in any trouble,
that I know of." Cas looked at him and Dean knew he'd seen people facing down
the barrel of a gun who'd looked less panicked than he did just then. "I found
out that Uriel is planning on breaking our brother out of prison."
It took Dean's mind a second to catch up with that. "Wait, what? Lucifer, you
mean, right? That's the brother he's breaking out? The one who had my mom
killed, that Lucifer?"
"I'm aware of my brother's crimes, Dean."
"Why the hell would he want to break Lucifer out of the pen?"
"I don't know. I think he believes Lucifer would be a better authority than
Michael."
"But that's nuts!"
"I know." He raked one hand through his hair. "I don't know what I should do.
Dean, what would you do?"
"Forget what I would do, Cas, you gotta call the cops."
Castiel was quiet for a long moment. "If this were Sam, would you do that?
Would you turn him over to strangers?"
Now that Castiel put it like that, Dean wasn't at all sure. "I...mean, I guess
it...how the hell is he even planning to do this?" he said, skirting around the
issue entirely.
"He must have aid. My brother has agents, probably some of them." He stared
down at his hands again. "He asked me to help him."
"Cas. Dude. Tell me you said no."
"Of course I did," he snapped. That flash of anger drained into something
desperate and desolate. "Maybe I should have said yes. Not to actually help,"
he said, cutting off Dean's outrage before it could start, "but maybe to buy
some time to talk sense into him. I can temper him. Uriel goes too far when
he's on his own but if I'm there I can talk him down, I can....."
Dean tipped Castiel's chin up. "Cas. Listen to me, okay? Whatever crazy shit
Uriel's up to, it's not your fault. It's on him."
"He's my brother, Dean. I have to do something."
Dean drummed his fingers against the table. "Kind of hate to say this, but he's
got other brothers. They're the ones who're supposed to be riding herd on him,
not you."
If anything, Castiel looked even less happy about that idea than he had about
going to the cops. "What would you do, Dean?"
"If it was Sam in this big a mess? Find him and sit on him until he started
making sense, but I don't think that's really an option here."
Cas sighed in seeming agreement. "I don't know where he is. He's either turned
off his phone or thrown it away, and in any case I don't think I could
overpower him."
Dean tipped Castiel's chin up again, tracing his thumb down the mark on his
neck. "Uriel do that?" he asked, keeping all of his focus on calming down the
flash of rage heating up his blood because that sure as all hell looked like
the kind of mark that came from a blade. Castiel's eyes shifted sideways and
that was all the answer Dean needed. "Okay. Okay, you don't go anywhere alone,
you hear me? You're either with me or you're with Sam, kid's scrawny but he
knows how to fight. I've seen you fight, so I know that if you're with one of
us we can take him down, easy. We see him, we'll...I don't know, grab him and
lock him in a room until he stops being crazy."
"What if he gets hurt?" he said, his voice very soft, and Dean could see him
imagining that family picture and how empty it was getting. "What if he hurts
someone else?"
Dean had to admit, he was a lot more concerned with the latter but he would
never tell Cas that. "We'll figure something out. Okay? I know how to track
people down, it just takes time."
"You don't even like Uriel."
"Seriously, Cas, I couldn't give less of a shit about Uriel right now. I like
you, and if that means tracking down your looney tunes brother and punching
sense into him I'll do it."
Castiel nodded, sniffling a little bit and trying to hide it. "Thank you, Dean.
I've never had a friend like you before."
It always threw Dean how Cas could just say things like that, no self-
consciousness at all. "Don't ever tell anyone, but the feeling's mutual, okay?
And Cas, I swear, if you ever tell anyone I said that I will punch you in the
face."
That at least got a smile out of him. "C'mon," Dean said. "Let's find Sam and
come up with a game plan."
***
As it turned out, while they did come up some plans, and actually some good
ones, as far as Dean was concerned, they didn't get the chance to implement any
of them. Two days later Dean showed up to find the school buzzing, everyone
looking at their phones and, to Dean's absolute annoyance, doing a fair amount
of turning around and staring at him as he walked by. He tried to remember if
he'd stood up any cheerleaders lately as he put his stuff away in his locker,
glaring at a freshman when the kid decided to stare just a little too
obviously.
Dean shrugged it off. It wasn't the first time he'd pissed someone off enough
that he'd gotten his name spread around some school, and he guessed it wouldn't
be the last.
Just as he was getting to his first class Sam flagged him down, dragging him
off to a side corridor so hard Dean almost felt his shoulder dislocate. "Jesus,
Sam, what?"
"Have you seen Cas? Is he okay?"
"Um...not since we got here, we don't have first together. Why, what happened?
We've been here, like, five minutes, don't tell me he got into a fight without
me."
Sam's mouth actually hung open. "You haven't heard?"
"Heard what?"
"Jesus, Dean, what do you even have a phone for?" Dean didn't see what that had
to do with anything and was about to tell Sam that when he kept going. "There
was an escape attempt at the prison last night. The supermax," he said, letting
that sink in. "They're not saying who tried to get out, just that a bunch of
people tried to break someone out, but come on."
Dean let out sigh of relief - at least that wasn't hanging over their heads
anymore. "Anyone get hurt?"
Sam hesitated for a second before answering. "None of the cops."
Uh oh. "They arrest everyone?" When Sam didn't answer Dean raked one hand
through his hair. "Shit. Shit, we gotta find Cas before some jackass gets in
his face about this, come on."
They split up but fortunately Castiel hadn't gone far; Dean found him leaning
against his locker, white as a ghost as his eyes wide, his books held absently
in front of him like he'd forgotten exactly what he was supposed to do with
them. "Hello, Dean," he said when Dean leaned against the wall next to him, a
faint surprised tone in his voice, like he wasn't exactly sure what Dean was
doing here or, frankly, what here was.
"Guess you heard, then."
Castiel nodded. "I overheard some people talking. It's...it probably isn't true
though, right?" he said, turning to look at Dean for the first time.
Dean got the feeling that if he told Cas he thought aliens had come down and
taken Uriel back to the homeworld he would believe it right now. "I don't know,
Cas."
"If it was true, someone would have called me." Dean could see Cas clinging to
that thought with everything he had. "Don't you think so, Dean?"
"Yeah. Yeah, probably." The first period bell rang, sounding even shriller than
usual. "You gonna go?"
"Yes," Castiel nodded, shouldering his backpack even though he still had his
books in his arms. "Yes, we should go to class." Dean followed him into his
first period and sat next to him even though he had absolutely no business
being allowed through the door of an advanced Latin class. When the usual
occupant of the seat Dean was squatting in showed up Dean stared him down
before he could even think about making a big deal about it. With each second
that passed he could see Castiel wind up just a little bit more, that mask of
barely concealed terror closing just a little tighter.
They didn't have long to wait. Halfway through class the vice principal walked
in and said something to the teacher; Dean glanced over and saw Cas' hands
slowly ball themselves into fists, like he was putting all of his effort into
trying to make himself invisible. When the teacher called him up it took two
times for him to respond, and when he finally did pull himself away from the
desk he walked up to the front of the room like a zombie, eyes locked on the
floor. Dean's heart sank when he saw the vice principal put one hand on
Castiel's shoulder in the most awkward attempt at consolation in the history of
civilization. The guy was notorious for seeing students as pesky roadblocks to
running a smooth business, so initiating contact meant things had to be really
bad.
He led Cas out into the hall and Dean watched through the window, ignoring the
Latin teacher when she asked him who he was and what he was doing in her class.
Dean knew Cas came off as cold sometimes but that was because most people
didn't bother getting to know him well enough to learn his tells. While he was
sure to the principal it looked like Cas didn't care, Dean saw the way his
shoulders squared, that wall going up the way it always did when he was
fighting to not break down. When the principal finished talking and reached out
to put his hand on Castiel's shoulder again Cas shook him off, taking a stutter
step backward that made Dean get up from his chair. He watched Cas turn on his
heel and walk off, ignoring whatever the principal was trying to say, and that
was if he was even hearing him any more.
Dean knew where he'd go; he slipped out the back door and cut through the
science lab, making it two classes he'd completely disrupted that morning. He
got to the little alley behind the main building just as Castiel came around
the corner from the other direction, sinking down against the wall like a doll
with its strings cut. He wrapped his arms around his knees, hiding his face as
Dean walked over, feeling every bit as awkward as the vice principal had
looked. "I should have been there," he said, his voice so raw Dean winced. "I
could have stopped it."
Dean sighed, sitting down against the wall next to him. "You'd've died too,
Cas."
"You would never have abandoned Sam this way." His shoulders were shaking; Dean
wasn't sure if he was crying or of he was still too angry for tears to come
out, whether at Uriel or at himself Dean didn't know.
"I would've tied Sam up and thrown him in the trunk. You didn't have that
option." He doubted Cas was even processing any of that, but maybe it would
sink in later. Dean didn't want to think about the shape he'd be in if their
places were reversed.
"Leave me alone," Cas whispered, his voice breaking around the words.
Dean shook his head. Just because he didn't know what to do didn't mean that he
would just leave Cas now. "Not a chance."
Castiel curled into a tighter ball, shaking harder as muffled, broken sobs
forced their way out of him. Dean curled up too, leaning his head against the
wall. He'd been in bad situations in his life, more than most kids his age, he
knew that, but he had to reach far back to remember a time he'd felt this
helpless. He wished they'd never stopped in this town, that they'd just kept on
the road; for a second the longing to be back out there, just him and Sam and
their dad where things made sense was so strong Dean could touch it.
He didn't think he'd ever been so ashamed of himself. Dean shook the thought
away and wrapped one arm around Castiel's shoulders, half-expecting Cas to
shake him off. When he didn't Dean squeezed tight once. "I'm not going
anywhere, Cas." He let Cas cry himself out until he was wrung limp from it,
then pulled him up to his feet. "C'mon," he said, feeling like there weren't
any words that weren't idiotic right now. "C'mon, let's go back to the motel
and get you cleaned up, okay? Let's get out of here."
Castiel nodded his head, and Dean didn't know if he'd actually heard him or
would just go along with anything he said right now. He let Dean guide him back
to the car like he'd been struck blind.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Dean had expected Cas to have a hard time getting away from his family while
they dealt with the Uriel aftermath, some things just couldn't be avoided, but
he hadn't seen the guy in two days now and Dean was starting to get antsy. He
couldn't even get Castiel on the phone and he would barely answer texts,
dropping I'm fine or We'll talk later in response to anything Dean sent. It was
infuriating, and it took all the self-control Dean had not to drive over there
and demand to know what was going on, which he knew full well was the worst
possible thing he could do. And Sam was with his science fair group doing
science fair things, so Dean couldn't even bug him to distract himself.
So Dean did what he always did when he had too much on his mind and no way to
deal with the problem: he got in his car and just drove.
The Impala was his dad's car, technically, but she'd always been Dean's baby.
He'd learned how to change her oil before he'd learned long division; since the
day he'd gotten his license it there had been the unspoken agreement that if
Dean was responsible enough to drive her he would have to be responsible enough
to keep the old girl running, and he'd risen to the challenge by getting her to
purr better than most new cars fresh from the lot. And she returned the favor
by always lifting him up no matter how bad his mood. "C'mon, girl," he said,
stroking her dashboard as he eased her out onto the highway, "let's have some
fun."
Middle of the day on a weekend meant the roads were mostly empty and Dean
ignored the speed limits, losing himself in finding exits that led to winding
back roads and straightaways long enough that he could make the Impala's
engines roar as she raced down their lengths.
After a couple of hours Dean felt his head begin clear, the combination of
speed and Jimmy Page's guitar solos working their usual magic. Just as he was
beginning to think he should probably head back
– Sam was going to need a ride home at some point – he blew past an old Pontiac
Firebird sitting on the shoulder with it's hood up, a cute redhead frowning at
the engine block. Dean hit the brakes so quickly the guy tailgating him in the
Volvo almost plowed into him; Dean just flipped him off as the guy leaned on
his horn and pulled around him, not even bothering to spare the guy a glance,
then Dean carefully backed up and pulled onto the shoulder behind the Firebird.
He saw the redhead look up as he got out of the car, a wary, Oh, what now
expression on her face.
Fair enough. Dean knew it was only natural for a woman stranded on the side of
the road by herself to side-eye any guy approaching; he made sure to show that
his hands were empty as he walked up. "Having a problem?"
She rolled her eyes at that. "No, I just love getting sunburned on dirt roads."
Okay, Dean supposed that was kind of a stupid question. "Mind if I take a
look?"
She gave a little shrug and moved aside, her arms crossed as she kept her eyes
on Dean. "It just stopped," she said, frustration winning out over caution.
"Yeah, old cars do that sometimes." He looked up at her, seeing the shell
starting to crack. "I'm not some serial killer, you know."
"Oh, well, then I'll just take your word for it," she said, but she managed a
smile. "Besides, how do you know I'm not a serial killer? I could have lured
you over here."
"Hey, no risk, no reward." He took a quick look under the hood and quickly saw
the problem. "Okay, wow, you've got some blown coils here...huh." He let out an
impressed whistle. "How'd you even manage this?"
She groaned, slumping against the car with her head in her hands. "I knew it. I
knew this would happen, the stupid thing always breaks down for everyone except
my father."
"They can be picky like that sometimes." He scratched his head. "I can fix it,"
he said, seeing her head pick up at that. "I mean, I can't do it here, I need
the parts so we'd have to call for a tow, but I can do it."
"I mean...you would do that? You don't even know me."
"I like seeing these old cars up and running," he said, shutting the hood as he
grinned at her. "And hey, like I said, no risk, no reward, right?"
She raised one eyebrow but didn't look like she was about to slap him, so Dean
thought this was going pretty well. "Are you using my broken car to flirt with
me?"
"Is it working?"
She laughed at that and Dean knew oh yeah it was. "If you did fix it, what
would I owe you?"
"Well, depends on the parts," he said, making a show of pretending to
calculate. "But how about for right now we just agree that neither of us are
serial killers and start over?"
He could see her let out a breath as she decided to take a chance on that.
"Anna Milton."
Dean grinned. "Dean Winchester." He wiped away a smudge of dirt on the hood.
"This is a pretty sweet ride."
"One of the parishioners left it to my dad," she said, a fond smile on her
face. "He keeps talking about selling it and giving the money to the church but
I don't think he'll ever be able to bring himself to do it."
"Parishioner? Your old man's a preacher?"
"Is that a problem?"
"No way." Sometimes Dean knew his mouth got ahead of his brain. "You know what
they say about preacher's daughters."
Anna narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh really? What do they say?"
Dean snapped his mouth shut. Don't say anything going through your head right
now. "They...um...I mean...."
She gave him a sly smile. "Because there are some guys who would say that we
like it on our knees."
A girl who looked like Anna saying that made Dean's brain shut down for a
second. "I...would never?"
She laughed at how obviously untrue that was. "I like you, Dean," she said,
leaning against the car. "I grew up around here but I don't recognize you and
I'm pretty sure I would."
"Nah, me and my brother have only been here a few months. We move around a lot,
we're in that motel off Main." He started to perch up on the hood before
catching himself, forgetting for a second this was someone else's baby. "You
grew up here? What brings you back? It's not exactly a happening place."
She sighed, her eyes going distant. "Family drama. The usual." She shook that
away, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Cool with me." He felt a flutter of remorse over flirting with a pretty girl
just then. "Got a buddy who's going through some heavy shit right now, too. I
suck at dealing with this kind of thing, I don't know what to do."
"Right now I'd be all for something to distract me," she said.
Dean really, really hoped that he wasn't imagining that she was checking him
out. "That I could probably handle. Call you a tow, get some lunch,
and...y'know, see how things go from there." The approving look she gave him
told him he was in, and God, at least something was going right lately. They
waited around for the tow truck, not talking about much in particular aside
from plans of how to spend the day taking their minds off their respective
troubles. As the driver hooked her car up to the truck and Dean him directions
to a garage to haul it off to, one he'd done some off-the-books work for, then
Dean held open the passenger door of the Impala for Anna. He could be a
gentleman on the rare occasion.
And she was nice enough to reward him, whispering, "Y'know, it is true, some of
what they say about preacher's daughters," as she slid past him into the
passenger seat.
Dean didn't even bother wiping the wide grin from his face as he took his place
back behind the wheel and turned over the ignition. His girl always did seem to
find ways to reward him.
***
The next day was the funeral and again Dean found himself aimlessly driving
around; Cas still wasn't answering his phone, which Dean guessed he couldn't be
too surprised about. He was meeting up with Anna again later but that didn't do
much to distract him from dwelling on Cas being stuck with his jerk family on
what had to be one of the worst days of his life. For a second Dean thought
about crashing the funeral but quickly rejected that as a bad plan; it might
make him feel better but he doubted that it would help Cas all that much,
especially if it landed the guy in further trouble with his folks. And he was
still waiting for the parts to come in, so he couldn't even distract himself
with working on Anna's car.
So he drove, circling around the town and trying to keep his mind on his date
later. He'd just stopped at a red light opposite the park when he took the
second to look around, spotting a solitary figure in a black suit swaying on
one of the old swings. A very, very familiar figure with messy black hair.
Dean made a sharp left turn, earning some shouted profanity from the woman
behind him for not signaling, and pulled into a space alongside the park.
Castiel didn't look at him as Dean walked up. "Hello, Dean," he said, his eyes
trained on the ground.
"Hey, Cas." He took a seat on the swing beside him. "Don't take this the wrong
way, but don't you have somewhere you're 'sposed to be?"
Castiel scowled, scuffing his dress shoes into the dirt. "It's all for show,"
he said, still not looking up. "None of them actually care."
Dean sighed. His normal instinct would be to say You can't know that for sure
but with this bunch he knew there was every chance it was true. "They gonna be
mad you skipped?"
Cas just kicked at the dirt again. "Let them be."
Dean really didn't have an answer for that, so he just sat there next to him
and watched the clouds gather overheard. "Looks like it's gonna rain," he said,
relieved to have something to say, even if it was something completely inane.
"When Balthazar died I didn't go to the funeral either." Castiel's voice was
soft, almost like they were having a normal conversation, but Dean could see
that his hands were so tight around the swing chains his knuckles were white.
"It was such a farce. There wasn't even a body. I wanted no part of it." Dean
was astonished to see the corners of his lips twitch up. "When Uriel realized I
wasn't coming he tracked me down. I think he was worried I would run away, the
way our sister had." His eyes softened for a second. "I tried to get him to
leave me alone but he wouldn't. He followed me around until he was able to make
me laugh. It took him the entire day." He exhaled a breath that shook out of
him, the faint ghost of a smile fading. "I know Uriel could be...difficult.
Cruel. And I don't understand why he chose what he did but...."
"He was family," Dean finished for him. "I get it, Cas, I do. Hell, I know for
a fact that if anything ever happened to Sam I wouldn't be vertical, so I can't
believe you're holding up this well."
Dean saw a tear slide down his face. "I never knew I was so selfish."
Dean turned on the swing to get a better look at him. "I don't get you."
"I should be thinking about Uriel now, but all I can think about is myself.
I..." His voice cracked and Dean saw him swallow hard a few times before
getting himself back under control. "Why does everyone I love leave me behind,
Dean? What's wrong with me?"
"Knock that shit off, Cas. It's not your fault."
"Everyone I thought I could count on is gone now."
"You still got the older brothers, Cas. I mean, I know they're dicks but they
are family."
Even Dean didn't really believe that, and he sure as hell knew he hadn't
convinced Cas. "Please, Dean," he said, audibly scoffing as he pulled out his
phone. "I've been missing for hours and no one's so much as sent a text. No one
even cares enough to look for me."
"Hey," Dean said, tapping his shoulder. "I'm here, right?" Castiel looked up at
him for the first time, his eyes wide and wet with tears just on the verge of
spilling over. Dean pulled Cas off the swing, setting him unsteadily on his
feet. Before Castiel could ask what was going on – and, if Dean was going to be
honest with himself, before he lost his nerve – Dean pulled him into a tight
hug. Castiel stiffened up for an instant, then wrapped his arms around Dean,
pressing his face against Dean's shoulder. "Don't tell anyone I did this, okay?
I'll lose my macho street cred."
He felt Cas let out a shaky laugh. "See?" Dean said, feeling his own heart
hammering and not able to understand why. "And it didn't even take me all day."
Cas squeezed him tighter; he wasn't crying but was just shaking on the edge of
it, and Dean held him until that passed. "I'm not going anywhere, Cas, okay?
I'm right here." He felt Castiel nod against him before stepping back, wiping
his eyes. "C'mon," Dean said, desperate to lighten a mood that had suddenly
gotten too heavy for him. "Let's get out of here. I doubt Uriel would really
want him dying to mean you would have to hang out with your dick brothers
anyway."
He herded Cas into the passenger seat of the car, then turned the key in the
ignition, startled when the clock blinked on and he realized how late it was.
"Shit."
"What is it?"
"Nothing. Well, not nothing. I was...um, kind of meeting up with a girl
tonight."
Cas rolled his eyes, his lips twitching up. "Of course you are."
"Hey, I can't help it I'm a popular guy," he said as he steered the car back
into the intersection. "We're meeting up at that garage by the motel, I've been
working on her car. That cool? I'll give you the motel key."
"That's fine. I'm so tired I'll probably fall asleep anyway, so I wouldn't be
very good company."
"Cool. Here then, before I forget," he said, tossing him the key as he turned
onto the street leading to the garage. "You want me to drop you off first?"
Cas shook his head. "You don't have to. It's not a long walk and I need to
clear my head."
"Okay, but offer stands. Looks like rain." Dean parked the car and sat on the
hood, sending a questioning glance at Castiel when he did the same.
"What? I'm curious."
"Snoop." Just then Dean spotted Anna's red hair, just not coming from the
direction he'd expected. "Anna! Over here!" he said, waving her over. From the
corner of his eye he saw Castiel's head whip around at the name but didn't
think anything of it when Cas jumped off the hood of the car.
Or at least he didn't before Castiel walked right up to her, his hand tight
fists at his side. "How dare you?" he said, his voice so low Dean barely caught
the words. "How dare you come back now?"
Anna's mouth dropped open. "I...Castiel?" she said, one hand pressed over her
mouth. "Oh my God, you got so much taller."
That was what Dean needed to make the leap, at least enough to go Oh shit.
"Cas!" he said, grabbing Castiel's arm. "Cas, is Anna...."
"My long-lost sister, yes," he said, an ugly sneer twisting the words as he
turned back to her. "You won't find that the prodigal will get a very good
reception in this case."
"I didn't come back for any reception," she said, standing her ground.
Castiel made the connection with the direction Anna had come from a split
second before Dean did. "You went to the cemetery," he said, his voice
simmering with fury.
"Of course I did. I knew I wouldn't be welcome at the ceremony but I still
wanted to pay my respects...."
"Your respects?" Castiel said, cutting her off. With every word his voice went
lower, grief cutting through the fury now. "If you hadn't abandoned us it would
never have happened. Uriel would still be alive, he listened to you...."
"This is not my fault."
Dean took that second to get between them. "All right, everyone calm down."
Castiel broke away, starting to storm off, and Dean grabbed his shoulder to
turn him back around. "Cas, I had no idea, okay?"
Cas shook him off. "See who you like. It makes no difference to me."
Dean tipped Castiel's head up to force eye contact. "Dude. I didn't know. You
never said her name."
Castiel shook him off again, but at least he didn't look like he was about to
slug Dean any more. "Leave me alone."
"Cas, don't..."
"Dean, for once please leave me alone when I ask you to." He shook off another
attempt by Dean to grab him and took off down the street, not looking behind
him.
When Dean tried to follow Anna grabbed his arm. "Don't. When he goes quiet like
that there's no talking to him, he just has to cool off."
And Dean knew that but he still hated to leave things like this, especially
since it really was starting to rain. He waited to at least be sure that Cas
was headed toward the motel before turning back to Anna. "I had no idea."
"Of course not," she said, still staring after her brother. "Can we talk in the
car?"
Dean saw the water already dripping from her hair and realized she had a point.
"Sure. Yeah, good idea."
Once inside they both just stared out the windshield at the falling rain for a
while. "So," Anna said, breaking the silence first. "I'm guessing we can't do
this any more."
And the worst part was that Dean actually liked this girl, but you just didn't
mess around with your friends' sisters, even ones they said they hated. "Guess
not." He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. "This sucks."
"I don't believe how tall he is now. We were the same height when I left."
"A lot changes in three years." He noticed she was shaking and gave her his
jacket. "So I'm guessing Milton's not really your last name and your dad's not
really a preacher. Unless you really have run into the bastard."
"Milton's my name now," she said softly, shrugging into his jacket. "And he's a
deacon, actually. My adoptive father." She huddled back against the seat. "I
suppose Castiel told you I ran away?"
"Mentioned it once or twice, yeah."
"I was sixteen. I ran out of money and snuck into a church to get out of the
rain, and my dad found me sleeping on one of the pews. He and my mom just took
me in. Not officially, there would be too many questions and paperwork but
they're my parents now."
"I've met some of the people you're related to so I'm not even gonna waste time
asking why you did it. Cas might hold it against you, but man, do I get it.
Wish Cas would get up the nerve to make a run for it too."
"How is he?" She looked over at Dean. "How is he really?"
Dean let out a long breath. "It's been pretty rough lately, especially with
Uriel being such a fucking idiot. No offense, I mean."
Anna shook her head. "I wish I could say I'm surprised, but I'm not. I think
I'm just glad he didn't drag Castiel down with him."
"Bastard wanted to," Dean muttered. "So yeah, it's been rough but Cas has me
and Sam. Sam's my little brother."
She smiled. "I don't think I remember Castiel having a friend before, let alone
two." She let out a long breath. "And I don't want to mess that up. I can get
someone else to fix my car...."
"No," Dean said, cutting that off. "I said I would fix it, and I'll fix it.
Just because Cas hasn't gotten over things doesn't mean I have to hold a grudge
too. Maybe if you stick around the two of you can patch things up."
"I'm not staying, Dean."
"You kidding? I'll drive you back myself if I have to. I just think it would be
good for Cas to have at least one family member who he thinks is on his side,
y'know?" When she arched one eyebrow, doubt written all over her face, Dean
shook his head. "I'll work on him, okay? Just don't blow town right away,
that's all I'm asking."
Anna nodded. "I can do that."
Dean dropped her off at her hotel, watching her walk inside and the way her
jeans fit and wondering to himself how bad an idea it would be to follow her
into the hotel, just one more time. Then he sighed and drove back to his own,
much dingier motel, picking the lock when no one answered his knock. He found a
note on the table that Sam would be home late, then peeked in the bedroom. To
his relief he found Castiel curled up on his bed, still dressed in his nice
suit, his face flushed like he'd cried himself out. He watched him until the
realization that he was watching Cas sleep for once crept up on him, then shook
himself out of it. Dean threw a blanket over him and snuck out of the room,
closing the door behind him.
***** Chapter 6 *****
It took a few days, but it seemed to Dean like Castiel had finally...well, if
not quite forgiven Dean for befriending his sister and for not magically know
who she was, at least it seemed like he was willing to look past it as long as
Dean followed the unspoken agreement to never, ever speak about it. And as much
as Dean really wanted Cas to patch things up with Anna he liked Cas not giving
him the silent treatment even more, so he'd reluctantly gone along with that.
What Dean didn't get is why Cas insisted on going back to school the day after
the funeral. He would have thought the only good thing about the whole mess was
that it should have been a get out of school free card, but Cas refused to take
advantage of it. It was almost perverse.
And of course if Cas didn't cut, Dean couldn't either even though it was at the
point where the only reason he wasn't outright failing everything was because
Castiel refused to let him. Anyway, the threat of being kicked out of yet
another school wasn't the reason Dean dragged himself into class every morning
– while most of their classmates had managed to be surprisingly decent about
the whole, "Hey, Castiel, heard your brother went nuts and got himself killed"
thing, there were always that handful of people who just had be be dicks about
everything. He would just be one lousy friend if he left Cas to deal with that
all on his own.
He and Cas were behind the school sharing a well deserved smoke after showing
Gordon Walker and his Jesus-freak sidekick why they should keep their smart
mouths shut and really, winding down with a good friend after a fight was all
Dean wanted out of life. "We should really thank those two some day," he said,
the post-fight rush combining with the joint to make him comfortably mellow.
"How so?"
"Well, think about it. Them picking on Sam that day was how you and Sam met,
and you hanging out with Sam was how me and you met. If it hadn't been for them
being giant dicks to everyone in their path the two of us probably wouldn't
have ever been friends. It was dumb luck you just happened to stumble over
them."
Castiel was quiet for a few long moments. "I caught the two of them bullying
Sam because I'd been following him around for two days."
Maybe the weed was stronger than Dean had given it credit for. "Huh? What do
you mean?"
"What I said. I'd been following Sam for days by then. I knew Walker and
Kubrick made a sport of picking on the new students, so I kept an eye on Sam to
intercept them."
"That's...I mean, that was cool of you. Thanks for looking out for Sam like
that."
Castiel looked away. "My motives weren't exactly pure, Dean."
"I'm lost, Cas."
Castiel gave him a look then, the one he used when he knew Dean had
intentionally half-assed his homework so he would have to fix it. "I followed
Sam all that time because I knew he was your brother."
Dean frowned. "I'm still not getting you," he said, although a nagging little
voice was telling him Oh yes you do.
"I wanted an excuse to talk to you. I thought...." Dean could see color creep
up over his cheeks and redden his ears. "I thought if I befriended Sam you
might be better predisposed toward me."
"Dude, we're in the same crappy class. You could talk to me any time."
"I tried. I did I just..." He shook his head. "I could never make you hear me."
He took a deep breath. "I've never met anyone like you. From that very first
day I wanted to find a way for you to hear me."
"Dude, you're high," Dean said, trying to laugh off the anxiety clawing him
apart. There were only so many places this could be going.
"I am not." Even though his current haze of denial Dean knew that was true.
Less than half a joint was nowhere near enough to get Cas high, and anyway, he
knew full well Cas on a high was a Cas who
interpreted Scripture off the top of his head or got enthusiastic about
debunking historical myths. "I'm not. I've been trying work up to this for a
very long time. I was afraid there would be repercussions but I don't care
about them anymore."
"Repercussions for what?"
As if that was his cue Castiel stood up, and in the back of his mind Dean knew
what was about to happen. When Cas hesitated for a split-second, his nerves
getting the better of him after all, Dean knew that was his chance, he needed
to stop this now.
But his body wouldn't listen to him. Castiel finally got his courage back and
kissed Dean, pressing him against the wall, his mouth hot and wet and open,
sending Dean careening back into that dream that had seemed absolutely
impossible only a few weeks before. For a handful of breaths Dean even kissed
him back, his body already reacting to way Cas was pressed against it.
Then panic sank its hooks into Dean and he pushed Castiel away, harder than
he'd actually meant to. "What the hell was that, Cas?" he said, working hard to
keep his voice even. It was bad enough dealing with the paranoid thought that
Castiel somehow knew about that dream Dean had tried so hard to push away and
was mocking him.
Dean didn't think he'd ever seen anyone look so confused. "I...should I have
asked first? I will next time."
"There's not gonna be a next time. You hear me? That is never going to happen
again."
Dean would hear the little break in Castiel's voice in his dreams for a long
time. "Did I do it that badly?"
"That's not what...look, Cas, I'm just not like that, okay?"
He saw that wall go down behind Castiel's eyes. "Like what?" he said, the words
coming out in a low snarl. "Like me?"
"That's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean? Explain it to me."
Dean let out a sigh, desperate to find a way out. "Look, Cas, it's no big deal.
It's just something that happened, we can just forget about it."
"I don't want to forget about it. I...." Dean saw something in him crumble. "I
don't understand. You don't socialize with anyone you don't have a sexual
interest in, aside from Sam."
"That's not true," Dean insisted, although when he reached back for
counterexamples to prove Castiel wrong he couldn't find any.
"It is, though. I thought...you let me sleep by your bed," he said, hurt and
confusion raw in his voice. "You've broken dates in favor of being with me."
"That doesn't mean...look, Cas, we're friends but that's it. Okay?"
Castiel nodded like he was in a daze. "Of course." He stumbled backward a few
steps, his face flushed bright red. When Dean reached out on instinct to steady
him Castiel jerked away. "Don't touch me."
"Cas, we're gonna be cool, right?"
He didn't at all like the way Castiel's lips twisted before we spoke. "Of
course. As you said, this means nothing. No big deal." Then he stalked away.
Dean knew he should go after Cas, patch this up right away, but he couldn't
bring himself to follow.
***
Dean had just decided to cut his losses and blow off the rest of the day when
the text alert alert went off on his phone.
SAM: what did you do?
Dean sighed.
DEAN: ?
A few seconds the phone rang, and Dean didn't even have to glance at the screen
to know it was Sam. "Yeah, Sam?"
"What did you do, Dean?"
"I didn't do anything."
"Cas wasn't at lunch and he's acting all weird. Did you two have a fight?"
"Dude, seriously? We're not thirteen-year-old girls."
Sam was quiet for a few moments. "He looked like he'd been crying."
Dean winced. "He's still upset about his brother. You know that."
"Yeah, I guess." Dean could almost see that bitchface Sam was so good at over
the phone. "If you did do something, you'd better fix it." Then Sam hung up
before Dean could say another word in his own defense.
Dean felt proud of himself for lasting almost the whole day before sending
Castiel a text.
DEAN: U ok?
The answer came almost immediately.
CAS: Yes.
Well, that was helpful. Dean frowned at his phone for a second, then decided to
try again.
DEAN: We cool?
That one Cas didn't answer. Dean told himself that silence had absolutely
nothing to do with why he was up staring at the ceiling the entire night.
***
This went on for three days, long enough that he was even tempted to call Anna
for advice, and only the absolute mortification of having to say "So yeah, your
brother made a pass at me and I kind of freaked. How do I fix that?" held him
back.
Then out of the blue one morning Castiel texted him.
CAS: I have something I need to tell you.
DEAN: ?
CAS: We should meet.
DEAN: Cant say it now?
CAS: No. It would be more secure face-to-face.
So that was weird, but Dean wasn't in any mood to argue.
DEAN: K. When?
CAS: Whenever would be conveient for you.
CAS: *convenient
Dean shook his head.
DEAN: Did u fix ur spelling?
CAS: Not the point. Meet at lunch behind the school.
CAS: Unless that would make you uncomfortable.
Dean didn't know how how Castiel could manage to pack so much passive
aggression into one text.
DEAN: K. Ltr.
When history class rolled around Dean was tempted to cut, the way he usually
did, but Castiel had told him to meet him at lunch, not during class. Cas was
certainly cutting, though, and for a second Dean was tempted to just say fuck
it and go join him, go find out what Cas had to tell him and get this stupid
argument over and done with.
At the last second Dean decided to stay, telling himself that Cas wanted it
that way.
That decision would show up in his dreams for a long time, too.
***
Castiel leaned against the back wall of the school, his foot tapping a neurotic
pattern against the brickwork. He knew it would have been wiser to do this
during history class, they both cut it so often their disappearance wouldn't be
noticed, but he also knew it would take the whole morning for him to build up
his courage. He was still so mortified over what had happened that every time
he thought about how Dean had looked at him after that ill-advised kiss,
remembered the sheer disgust in his eyes, Castiel felt bile rise up into his
throat. He knew he would have to get past that – the thought of losing Dean's
friendship entirely wasn't even something he could properly contemplate – but
he just wasn't capable of it yet.
Unfortunately, this just wasn't something that could wait for that.
He heard footsteps approaching from around the corner and felt hope burn in his
chest. Maybe Dean had decided to skip history, too. Castiel hadn't noticed how
vital this time with Dean had been to his ability to drag himself through the
day until he'd managed to poison it.
So when Zachariah came around that corner Castiel didn't think he could
possibly have been more surprised. "So," he said, smiling that fake smile he
was so good at as he looked around like a realtor appraising a house, "I take
it this is why your grades have been slipping lately."
Castiel frowned. "My grades are fine," he said, because even if they were a 3.9
instead of a 4.0 this quarter he didn't think that was anything to complain
about. "What are you doing here?"
"It's come to my attention that you are intending to betray some family
secrets." He clicked his tongue at Castiel. "Now, you know that's not the sort
of thing he can just let slide."
Castiel felt an icy pit grow in his stomach. The words "How did you...?"
slipped out before he could even think to stop them, and Zachariah's smile
stretched even further across his face. "Did you hack my phone?"
"Well, we pay for it, don't we? We have every right to."
There was no point in lying. "Azazel's name isn't a family secret." For an
instant he couldn't stop the disgust that had been building in his stomach ever
since he'd stumbled over that name from boiling over. "How long have we known?"
"That Azazel set the fire? I'm assuming that's what this is about." Zachariah
shrugged. "We've always known." He ruffled Castiel's hair, forcing him to grind
his teeth to avoid cringing. "But what you want to do is give that name to
outsiders, and that brings outsiders into family business and you know we just
can't have that."
Castiel couldn't believe that he was hearing. "Even if I do give that name to
the Winchesters, it has nothing to do with us. Azazel – or whatever his name
actually is – he isn't family."
"True as that may be, he's connected to Lucifer and you and I both know Michael
wants to handle all of that internally."
"He hasn't done much to handle it so far."
Zachariah's eyebrows raised. "Was that backtalk? Well, look who thinks he's so
grown up all of a sudden."
That had been rash. If that kind of insolence got back to Michael he could land
in real trouble – so Castiel wasn't sure why he couldn't just stop. "If Michael
had any interest in handling it Azazel wouldn't still be free. D...The
Winchesters have a right to know who killed their wife and mother."
"And you think you get to decide that? Is that really what you think?"
Castiel tried to cut around him and Zachariah grabbed the front of his shirt.
"Let me go."
"We're not done."
"I have class," he said, not bothering to disguise the obvious lie.
Zachariah maneuvered him back over to the wall. "Let me completely honest with
you, big brother to a little brother." The smile was still there but there was
nothing close to concern in his eyes. Castiel had a sudden flashback to
catching Uriel killing ants with a magnifying glass when they were younger and
felt a bead of sweat roll down his back. "Michael wants all this to go away,
and he told me to make it go away. Think of this as just some...brotherly
persuasion."
"Let me go," Castiel said, shrugging out of Zachariah's grasp.
"Of course, of course," Zachariah answered, backing away with his hands up. "I
of course don't want to interrupt your education any more. Just say you'll
never mention the name Azazel to the Winchester brats and we can both get on
with our day."
Castiel felt his heart beating so fast it made him light-headed. "No."
When he tried to leave again Zachariah stepped in his path. "Try again."
"I'm leaving."
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that until you figure out the right answer," he
said, putting one hand on his chest.
Castiel felt his eyebrow quirk as he gave his brother a long, up-and-down look.
As far as he knew Zachariah had never been in a fight in his life. "Are you
going to stop me?"
"Oh come on, Castiel," he said, outright laughing at that. "I'm a businessman.
I outsource." He snapped his fingers and Castiel looked up to see Gordon Walker
and Mike Kubrick come around the corner, Walker grinning like he just won the
lottery. "Boys," he said, backing away to give them room. "I think you've met
my youngest brother."
"Oh, we're real close," Walker said, cracking his knuckles. "Aren't we,
Kubrick?"
"We're all one with the Lord," he answered, taking his spot across from Walker.
Walker's eye was still bruised from the last fight. "Did we hit you so hard
last time you forgot who won?"
"Cute, real cute. Can't help but notice there's something missing this go
round, though."
Castiel chewed his inner lip as he sized up the two of them. He'd never fought
them by himself, not the two at once; he thought he could take them but it
wouldn't be an easy fight. He ran over the past fights in his mind, picking out
strategy – Kubrick always led with his left and his balance was poor, while
Walker hit hard but he liked to gloat and let down his defenses when he thought
things were going his way.
Castiel let out a breath as he brought his hands up, stepping backward into a
balanced crouch. Strike quickly and get away, that was the way to escape this.
He just couldn't let them pin him down; as long as he could avoid that Castiel
thought he might be okay.
Kubrick took the first step forward and Castiel surprised him with a quick left
hook, smiling to himself as the taller boy stumbled back. He ducked Walker's
first and caught him with a hook to the chin and then a shot to the body, one
he knew was too glancing to back him off but felt so good to land. He was
faster than either of them. He could do this.
Of course, it wasn't quite so easy when they both came at him at the same time;
Walker grabbed his arm and Kubrick came charging back, cocking his fist back in
a haymaker that Castiel thought was aimed at his eye but wound up hitting his
ear. The quick explosion of pain made his knees buckle for a second; he heard
Walker laughing at him as he jabbed the heel of his hand between Castiel's
shoulder blades, pushing him toward Kubrick. Castiel stumbled but managed to
find his feet just before the two of them collided; fortunately, Kubrick was
just as off-balance and Castiel ducked the clumsy punch. He saw his opening,
ducking under Kubrick's arm and making a run for the mouth of the alley.
When Castiel felt something trip him he knew it had been Zachariah. He didn't
have time to get his hands out and fell hard enough to make his teeth rattle,
his chin scraped up on the pavement. The fall knocked the wind out of him and
while he knew he was only feet from safety he couldn't move.
As if to confirm the betrayal he heard Zachariah sigh, "Apparently I have to do
everything myself. Get him up." He felt hands grab him and drag him up, too
winded to even try to fight. Kubrick held his hands behind his back and
Castiel's vision cleared up just in time to see Walker's fist coming right at
his face.
The impact snapped his head back, pain radiating out from his cheek. Like the
sound was coming from a tunnel he heard Zachariah say, "Not in the face. If you
idiots give him a concussion he won't remember why we had to do this." He
opened his eyes to see Zachariah take a position behind them, like he wanted a
better view. He shook his head. "Amateurs."
Walker nodded. "You got it," he said, his lips curling up into a grin. The next
punch was a hard blow to his stomach that doubled him over, driving what little
air he'd managed to recover back out of him. He tried to struggle but Kubrick
was stronger, and he had to choke back the scream when he felt Kubrick twist
his wrist back to keep him still. "The more you struggle the worse it's gonna
be," he said right into Castiel's ear, as if he was interested in anything
Kubrick had to say.
Walker reared back like a boxer and landed a series of short, powerful jabs
right in his ribs, forcing a groan out of Castiel. He could taste blood and
didn't know if that was from splitting his lip during the fall or from
something worse. He felt two more punches hit just under his sternum and the
groans turned to whimpers, shame creeping over him. He didn't want to cry in
front of them but it just hurt.
He looked up at Zachariah; they'd never been close, not the way he'd been with
Anna and Uriel and Balthazar, but they were still family. It made him sick to
realize it looked like Zachariah was enjoying himself. "We just want you to
play ball, Castiel," he said, as if reading his thoughts. "Then this all can
stop."
Castiel shook his head. Walker landed another hard punch, again to his ribs and
Castiel felt his legs give out. He knew that if Kubrick hadn't been holding him
up he would've been on the ground; he couldn't even put up a token defense
anymore, he didn't have energy to do anything but hang there limp and let the
blows come. He felt Kubrick shift behind him. "Hey, Gordon, relax," Castiel
heard him say, like the sound was coming through a fog. "We don't wanna kill
him here."
"Relax yourself," Walker said, the malice in his voice wrapping around
Castiel's spine. "I'm enjoying myself." He could barely even feel the punches
anymore; his vision swam and he waited for the fog to finish rising up to take
the pain away completely.
Zachariah grabbed him by his hair, wrenching his head back and snapping him
back to consciousness. "Stop making this harder than it has to be. We don't
want to have to solve this problem the way we solved the last one." He leaned
in close enough for Castiel to feel his breath on his face. "Funerals are
expensive."
Castiel felt his blood turn to ice. Zachariah shoved him away, wiping his hand
on his suit. Castiel felt tears burn his eyes as the attack started again. He
didn't want to give in. He didn't want to believe his brother would let things
get so far, that he would finally step in and stop this.
Walker hit him so hard he gagged. As he doubled over again Walker couldn't seem
to help himself and hit him hard in the face, splitting his already bloody lip
even more and the word, "Stop," came out before he even realized he'd said it.
He felt a tear slide down his face and knew they'd won. "Stop. I'll stay
quiet." A broken little sob forced its way out. "Please."
Zachariah waved Walker back and reached out to tip Castiel's chin up. It was
starting to rain and he shivered as the first cold drops hit his skin. "So
you're ready to be a good boy now?" Castiel nodded and Zachariah tightened his
grip. "Say it."
"I'll be good," he whispered.
Zachariah gestured and Kubrick dropped him like he was on fire. Walker couldn't
pass up the chance for one more cheap shot, kicking him once hard before
Kubrick pulled him back. "Gordon, man, knock it off. It's over."
At least that's what Castiel thought he said; the words were garbled and far
away as Castiel curled up on the ground and watched Zachariah walk out of the
alleyway without backwards glance.
Castiel closed his eyes, coughing as he tried to breathe around the pain. He
was so happy to pass out and not feel it any more that he didn't care if he
ever woke up again.
***** Chapter 7 *****
So Cas didn't show up at lunch. Dean waited out there the whole time, huddled
under the overhang to keep out of the rain and trying not to lose his temper.
He wasn't answering texts and his phone went straight to voice mail, which was
unusual but Dean was too pissed off to dwell on it. If Cas wanted to play games
Dean had no interest in going along with it.
Dean had just walked into English class and realized he'd completely forgotten
to do the stupid poetry assignment (the past few days had just driven home how
much he'd depended on Cas to keep him on track, homework-wise) when his phone
rang. He didn't recognize the number and almost let it go to voice mail but the
way the teacher glared at him made him pick it up, purely out of spite. "Yeah,
who is it?"
"Am I speaking with Dean Winchester?" The voice was female, the bored,
professional tone of someone who spent most of the day talking to strangers.
"Um...yeah? Why?"
"You're listed as an emergency contact for a...." Dean could hear papers
rustling. "Castiel Aingell. Are you an immediate family member?"
Dean latched on to the words emergency contact and dismissed everything else.
"Is Cas okay? What happened?"
"I don't have any information on his current condition, only that he was
admitted through the emergency room. Again, are you ---"
"What hospital? Where is he?" Dean felt like the world around him had slowed
down; this didn't make sense, he'd just seen Cas that morning.
"Our Lady of Mercy, now...."
"I'm there. I'll be right there." He ended the call before she could say
anything else, feeling cold sweat slide down his back. Cas was okay. He had to
be.
He turned on his heel and walked out of the class, ignoring the teacher
shouting after him about zeroes and detention because who the fuck cared?
Dean's mind raced as he started up the car and roared out into the street. The
hospital was only about a mile away, fortunately close enough that he could
keep the images of what might have happened flashing through his mind down to a
minimum. It had to be a fight, had to be. Cas got into fight because Dean
hadn't been there to back him up and then this had happened. Dean tried to tell
himself that Cas had been the one keeping his distance but it didn't do
anything to stop the ball of guilt from building in Dean's stomach.
It took longer than he liked to bluster his way past nurses and security (they
kept asking if he was immediate family, which scared the hell out of Dean even
though logically he knew Cas was still only seventeen and they needed to find
an adult to sign off on things. He thought about calling Anna, remembering at
the last second that she'd texted him earlier that day to say thanks for the
car and that she was finally on her way home, and he wouldn't call any of the
rest of them at gunpoint.) Fortunately though, Dean was good at bluster, and
finally he found himself outside Castiel's room.
He was relieved to see he was awake; Dean knocked on the door and Cas looked
up, unable to hide how astonished he was to see Dean standing there. "Dean?
I...how did you know I was here?"
"The hospital called me, you dumbass. Apparently I'm your contact."
"Oh." Castiel lowered his eyes, a flush spreading over his cheeks. "I'd
forgotten that. I'll change it back."
"You don't have to...." Dean just let out a deep sigh. "Can we stop doing
this?"
Castiel started to shrug, wincing like the attempt hurt. "If you like."
Dean shook his head, walking over to check out the damage. There was a dark,
ugly bruise over his left cheek, and Dean hoped the cheekbone wasn't cracked,
and stitches in his lip, which Dean knew from experience was going to feel
great once the painkillers wore off. "What'd I tell you about getting into
fights without me?"
"I wasn't given much choice in the matter."
Dean pulled up the bedside chair and straddled it, drumming his fingers against
its back. "Guess this is why you didn't show up at lunch, huh? Who was it?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Like hell it doesn't. I'm gonna put them in the bed right next to you."
"I told you Dean, it doesn't matter. It won't happen again."
Dean knew there was more to it but couldn't figure out why Cas would lie. "So,
what were you gonna tell me, anyway?"
Castiel was quiet for a long time. "I don't think we should be friends
anymore."
Whatever Dean had expected him to say, that wasn't it. "That's what you wanted
to tell me?" he said, ignoring how his stomach had climbed up into his throat.
"I think it would be best."
"'Cause that doesn't sound like what you were gonna say. What's going on, Cas?"
"Nothing." Which was another lie, because his eyes were already red and welling
up. "Just go away. I'm sorry I inconvenienced you."
"Stop with the bullshit, it's been going on for days now. Don't be such a bitch
about this," he said, not able to catch himself before the words flew out. "I
didn't mean that."
"You still said it," Cas snapped back. He closed his eyes as he tried to find a
comfortable position, his hand pressed against his side. "Go away."
"God, you're cranky." Although really, Dean had to admit, beat up and in the
hospital was a decent enough reason.
Castiel glared at him, apparently resigning himself to the fact that Dean
wasn't going to magically disappear. "How did you do on the geometry quiz?"
Dean quirked on eyebrow. "What, the one tomorrow? Probably going to fail it."
Cas rolled his eyes. "Quizzes are always on Thursday."
"Which is tomorrow. Dude, how hard did they punch you?"
"Stop it, Dean. I got confused." He shifted on the bed some more. "Why do they
keep these rooms so cold?"
"You serious? It's stuffy in here." Something about the way Castiel had said
that raised the hair on Dean's neck, just the slightest amount of slurring. He
took a hard look at Cas; Cas was pale normally but not like this. "You really
feel cold, Cas?" he said, tipping his chin up. Castiel nodded, seeming to catch
the tone in Dean's voice, and Dean felt his heart start to hammer when he felt
that his skin was clammy. "Does your stomach hurt?"
"Of course it does," Cas said, slurring more and trying to cringe away from
Dean's hand.
"Bad, though? Worse than an hour ago?"
Castiel nodded again. "The pain medicine is wearing off...." he said, and Dean
didn't know what kind of look he had on his face but it made Cas trail off,
alarm suddenly creeping into his eyes.
Dean moved his hand down and touched Castiel's abdomen, ignoring the outraged
and embarrassed "Hey!" It didn't more than a second to realize Cas's stomach
was rigid instead of soft and a quick flash of panic reached up to strangle
him. He pressed the red call button hard and held it, swearing under his
breath. He couldn't believe it had taken him so long to recognize shock when he
was staring right at it.
"What's wrong with me?" Cas whispered, flat-out fear in his voice now.
"I think you're bleeding," Dean said, wincing when Cas' eyes went wide. "But
you're in a hospital already, that's the best place to be. You're gonna be
fine."
"My head feels funny," he whispered, like it had been for a while and he hadn't
thought anything of it.
"That's part of the shock, you're gonna feel woozy. You gotta stay awake and
keep talking to me, okay? Don't start panicking, getting your heart rate way
up's just gonna make things worse." He looked around, wondering why in the hell
no one ever answered those call buttons. "I'm gonna go find someone, I'll be
right---"
Castiel grabbed his arm before he could even finish his sentence. "Don't
leave."
Dean sat back down in the chair and held his hand. "Okay. Okay, I'm gonna stay
right here, promise." Castiel's hand was cold and he was shaking, although Dean
didn't know if that was the shock or if he was just that scared. Dean was
feeling pretty shaky himself, in all honesty. "You just stay calm and stay
awake, that's all you have to worry about." Castiel nodded, his hand squeezing
Dean's tight. Dean couldn't keep his eyes off the blood pressure monitor; he
knew how to read those and Cas was freaked out enough that his blood pressure
should have been through the roof but the reading just kept falling.
When the nurse came in the machine started beeping. "He's bleeding," Dean said,
cutting her off before she could say a word. "Go get the doctor." To his relief
she did, although he guessed that had more to do with the machine beeping holy
shit than anything he had to say.
"That sound's not good, is it?"
Cas' eyes were getting glassy and while Dean knew that was part of shock
telling himself that didn't help at all. "You're gonna be fine. The doctor's
coming."
"I'm sorry I kissed you," he whispered, squeezing Dean's hand. "I didn't mean
to ruin everything."
Dean didn't get the chance to say anything back before the doctors burst in,
motioning for Dean to get back and give them room. Dean moved back (letting go
of Cas' hand was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do ) but made sure to stay
where Cas could see him. Castiel kept his eyes locked on Dean as the doctors
worked on him – Dean knew enough medical jargon to catch that shock of shocks,
he'd been right – so Dean could see the exact moment his eyes started to
flutter and roll back, a full second before he heard one of the doctors say,
"This kid's BP is in the cellar, tell them to clear an OR" and two seconds
before the blood pressure machine started to whine.
The logical part of his brain knew what was coming next – it had happened to
him once, a couple of years back when he'd ripped his arm open on some barbed
wire – but when the seizure started Dean felt cold panic hollow him out until
he didn't think anything else was left. It felt like it lasted for a thousand
years and when they finally stopped it all Dean could see was that Cas was so
still.
The doctors' words were coming across as gibberish now but Dean caught the word
"defib" and he felt his legs almost give out when he saw them bring out the
paddles. He didn't know what he did to make them notice he was still standing
there, but the next thing he knew a nurse was trying to push him out of the
room. "No! No, I can't leave, I told him I wouldn't...." Over her shoulder he
saw the doctor shock Cas, saw his body give that little jolt and one of the
machines in the room stopped screaming. Dean didn't know if that was good or
bad.
"Are you immediate family?" she said, and Dean didn't know how she could be so
calm during all this.
"I...no, I'm not, we're friends but I told him...."
"Then you can't be here." The tone was kind but definite, and the next thing
Dean knew was the room door being slammed in his face. There was paper over the
little window so he couldn't even look inside.
Dean stumbled backward, slumping down against the far wall as his legs finally
finished collapsing under him. He slid his phone out of his pocket in a daze,
not realizing he'd been calling Anna until he heard her voice. "Dean?" He could
hear the highway and pictured her driving with the windows open, her hair
blowing back. Anything to wipe the last few minutes from his mind. "What's
going on? I don't like to talk while I'm driving." He took too long to answer
and she said, "I swear, if you pocket dialed me...."
"Cas got hurt," he finally forced out, not recognizing his own voice. "He got
into a fight, he's in the hospital, it's...it's real bad. They know I'm not
family, I didn't know who else...."
He heard a screeching sound and horns honking. "Okay. Okay, I just pulled off
the highway. I'm on my way back."
"They had to use the paddles on him," Dean whispered, his voice cracking as
everything started to sink in.
He heard Anna take a deep breath. "I'm on my way. I'll be there in less than
two hours, I promise. Which hospital?"
"Our Lady of Mercy."
"I'm on my way." She hung up and Dean wrapped his arms around his knees,
staring at Castiel's door. He dared anyone to make him go further.
***
When he saw Anna walk through those double doors Dean felt like he could
finally start breathing again. He'd been persuaded to move to one of the hall
benches and Anna spotted him immediately, throwing her bag down beside him and
hugging him tight. "How is he? Do you know?"
Dean shook his head. "They're operating on him but they won't say anything
else."
Anna's lips thinned and she stormed over to the nurse's station like a
hurricane in heels. He couldn't hear what she was saying – apparently going
quiet when they were mad was something she and Cas had in common – but it only
took a few minutes for her to come back and sit next to him. "They're taking
out his spleen. It'll be another hour before we know anything, maybe two."
"Fuck." Dean leaned his head back against the wall. "I should've gone for the
doctor sooner, he just...he didn't want me to leave."
"What happened?"
"I don't know. He got into a fight, he wouldn't say with who." Dean didn't
realize he was tapping his leg hard enough to shake the bench until Anna
reached out to steady him. "He was so fucking scared."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why weren't you there, too?" It wasn't an
accusation, just a very pointed what's wrong with this picture question.
Dean drummed his fingers against his knees. "Cas kissed me," he said softly. "A
few days ago. And I just...I kind of freaked," he admitted. He closed his eyes,
remembering that the last words Castiel had said to him was to apologize for
that, like he was the one who'd done something wrong. "Things have been weird
the past few days. I just figured...I don't know, it would blow over."
"Right, because ignoring problems always makes them go away."
"You don't look that surprised."
Anna shrugged. "I kind of thought the two of you had moved past that stage
already?" She shifted around to face him, sitting with her legs under her. "Why
did you think I backed off so hard? I know my brother Dean, and I know what it
means when he looks at someone the way he looks at you."
Dean felt heat creep up over his cheeks. "I guess I didn't see it," he said,
although in the back of his mind he remembered that dream and knew that was a
lie.
"Or you didn't want to." He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around his knees
again. "Dean, look at me." He looked up, gritting his teeth for the
excruciating conversation he knew was coming. "Did you want him to kiss you?"
Dean opened his mouth to reflexively say no, but the memory of Cas' mouth hot
and open against his strangled the lie. "Well, if the answer was no you
would've said it by now."
"I don't want to talk about this."
"I'm not the one you have to talk about it with."
Dean supposed that was true. He couldn't stop thinking about what would have
happened if he really had just let that call go to voice mail. "If I hadn't
been there he'd would've died. He would've died all by himself."
She squeezed his arm. "Good thing you were there, then." She ran one hand
through her hair. "I don't believe me and Castiel have the same taste in men."
That at least got a smile out of Dean. "I am pretty awesome." Then they both
settled in for a long wait.
It was three hours before the doctor finally showed up with news, and each
second Dean felt his nerves curl up into a tighter ball. She was a tiny woman,
not one of the doctors who'd been working on Cas before, and as she pulled her
mask down Dean braced himself for the words We did everything we could.
Instead, Dean heard, "Miss Milton? They're moving your brother into ICU
recovery now. The operation went well but he needed two transfusions so we just
want to be cautious. You should be able to visit him in a few minutes."
"I want to sit with him," Dean said. "I wanna make sure he knows I didn't
leave."
The doctor's expression clouded. "You have to be family to be on the ICU
visitor's list," she said. Dean marveled at how nice everyone here was while
giving bad news. "I'm sure once he's moved....."
To Dean's surprise Anna reached out and grabbed his hand. "We're engaged," she
said, giving Dean a sideways roll with it look. "So he's going to be family."
And the doctor gave them a look then, like she knew they were full of it but
admired the chutzpah anyway. "I'll see what I can do," she said. "A nurse will
tell you when he's ready for visitors."
Once the doctor was out of earshot Dean couldn't help himself from saying, "You
move fast."
"I have to, otherwise my brother steals my boyfriends."
The word brother there reminded Dean there actually was something else was
supposed to do today; he checked the time and groaned. "Oh fuck, I'm supposed
to go pick up Sam at his science thing. I promised Cas I wouldn't leave."
"I'll get him," Anna said, already getting up. "At the school?"
"You sure?"
"Trust me, Castiel wants to see you much more than me."
"I don't know about that right now," Dean said, shaking his head."Bring Sam
back with you, he'll want to be here."
Anna nodded. "We'll be back before you know it."
"Oh, wait, there's a code so he'll know I sent you. You've gotta say, 'Red five
standing by' when you go pick him up."
Anna frowned, clearly trying to puzzle that one out. "What does that mean?"
"It means my brother's a giant nerd," Dean said, shaking his head again.
"Thanks for this."
She kissed his forehead. "No problem. After all, if you play your cards right
there's a good chance you might wind up as my brother-in-law after all this,
isn't there?"
Dean could only blush as she walked away, for once not able to think of
anything to say.
***
Dean hated ICUs. They were too quiet, everyone talking in whispers and the
beeping of the machines getting under his skin until he could hear them in his
sleep. This was his third time having to visit someone in one; the previous two
had both been his father, once when he was twelve and his dad had gotten shot
chasing down a runner (he'd had to lie about his age just to get in) and the
second time when he was sixteen and a drunk swerved into their lane on I-75 in
middle of nowhere Pennsylvania. That at least had taught him what to expect,
but it didn't make it any easier to see Cas lying in that bed hooked up to
machines. He pulled up the chair and cinched the thin curtain around the bed to
give them some illusion of privacy. It didn't do anything to muffle the sound
of the crying family surrounding the guy dying in the next bed and Dean closed
his eyes, willing the sound away. Cas was only going to be here a little while.
Just until they were sure he'd be okay, then they'd move him out of there.
"Hey, Cas," Dean said, pulling the chair close and taking his hand. "Told you I
wasn't going anywhere." Castiel's hand was cold and he was white as the sheets,
his dark hair in his face making him look even paler. "You're a fucking mess,"
he said, smoothing his hair out of his face. Dean knew it took a while for
someone to come out of anesthesia but he still wanted Cas' eyes to open just
then.
Dean took a long, hard looked at him, quieting the fear by cataloging the
bruises. The left side of his face was swollen and bruised but Dean though it
looked like that was from one solid punch. His face actually didn't look so
bad, considering the beating he'd taken, which told Dean they'd kept it to body
shots. He was sure it had to be they; Cas was too good a fighter to let one
person take him apart like this. His chin was scraped up, like he'd been hit by
someone wearing a ring or.... Dean's eyes narrowed. Like he'd tripped. Like
he'd been tripped. He'd tried to make a run for it and someone had made sure he
couldn't, Dean was going to kill whoever had done this.
He could see bruises circling his arms, like they'd been held behind his back.
"Fucking cowards," Dean whispered. It wasn't enough they'd outnumbered him,
they'd had to make it so he couldn't fight back, too.
Dean watched his chest rise and fall for a few endless minutes. "Wake up, Cas."
His voice came out in such a dry rasp he barely recognized it.
"Here's the deal, okay?" he said, close to Castiel's ear like he was telling a
secret. "You wake up, you can kiss me again. If you still want to." Dean knew
he should have said this days ago. Maybe he would have to do this again later,
Dean was fine with that, but it had to come out now. "We can try that all over
again. And if I completely blew that, if you never want to kiss me again then
fine, I'll deal with it. But you didn't do anything wrong, okay?" He squeezed
Castiel's hand. "I know I freaked out but that was all on me. I was the one who
screwed up, not you. I know I made you feel like I didn't want...like I didn't
want you to kiss me but that's not true. That was all my screw-up. So you wake
up and tell me whether I can make up for it, okay?"
Dean leaned back in the chair, stroking his fingers through Castiel's hair.
"And if you really do think we shouldn't be friends anymore, that's okay. It's
sucks but I deserve it. But you've gotta wake up and tell me yourself, 'cause
I'm sitting right here until you do."
***
Anna let out a soft sigh of relief when she saw Castiel's eyes finally flutter
open. "It's about time. I was starting to think we were going to have to find a
handsome prince to kiss you already." His eyes focused on her, clear surprise
on his face. "You've been out for over six hours. When anesthesia knocks you
out it doesn't mess around."
She couldn't express what a relief if was that he was aware enough to glare at
her. "What are you doing here?"
"Apparently when a minor get hospitalized they like to call in a relative to
sign the forms. Better me than some of the others, isn't it." She crossed her
arms over her chest. "So which of them was it?"
He turned his face away. "It doesn't matter."
"No. I guess it doesn't." She supposed it was a good sign that he hadn't
ordered her out of the room yet. "Are you ever going to forgive me?"
He let out a rough, harsh breath. "You didn't even say goodbye."
"I know," she said, taking the chance to brush his hair off his forehead. "I'm
sorry for that. I was afraid I'd lose my nerve if I did."
"Why did you do it? We counted on you."
"Do you really still have to ask me that? After this?"
He made a half-hearted attempt to shrug away. "I needed you," he whispered.
"I needed to be away. And I know that's selfish. Sometimes you have to be
selfish or you look around and there's nothing of you left. I think you're
starting to understand that, huh?" He still wouldn't look at her but his hand
twitched toward her, and she took the unspoken invitation to hold his hand. "So
when are you going to make your run for it?"
"I wouldn't."
"I don't see why. You've even got something to run to, don't you?"
He looked at her as if he thought she was making fun of him. "I don't know what
you mean."
"You know exactly who I mean."
He looked away again, flushing red with embarrassment. "Dean doesn't care for
me in that way."
"He hasn't been acting like someone who doesn't care."
Castiel gave her that look again, but there was the tiniest bit of hope in it
now. "Dean's here?"
"Who do you think called me? The only reason he's not the one sitting here
right now is that he was about to fall over and wind up in a bed right next to
you, and he's sleeping on a bench outside right now because that's as far away
as we could make him go. And his brother and I both had to threaten him to get
him to go that far. He was right next to you the whole time you were in the ICU
and he was there when they moved you here."
He lowered his eyes. "I thought I'd dreamt that," he murmured.
"Let me tell you a secret," she said, leaning in close. "Men are idiots." His
eyes went wide with amused surprise. "Young guys are even bigger idiots.
Especially when that young guy is being forced to face things about himself
that maybe he isn't ready to look at." He squirmed a little bit, flushing even
redder. "I don't know exactly what happened between the two of you but I know
I've never seen someone beat themselves up more than Dean Winchester is doing
right now. You might want to give him one more chance."
"What if it happens again?" he asked, his voice small and lost.
"Then you get hurt again. And that sucks but that doesn't mean you don't try."
She ruffled his hair. "And points for style for being dramatic enough to try
almost dying in front of him. All the magazines say that's the best way to land
your man."
Castiel was quiet for a long time. "Why didn't you take me with you?"
"Would you have gone?" He looked away and she knew she had her answer.
"I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do."
"No." She squeezed his hand to take the sting out of the word. "I won't do
that. You have to figure out what you want for yourself, and I'm sorry you have
to do that younger than most people. If you have a chance for something now you
have to take it, baby brother. Because I'm scared if you don't take that chance
you'll wind up like Uriel. Always looking for someone to tell you what to do."
She could tell he was angry she'd invoked Uriel's name but he didn't have an
answer for her. "I would have gone with you if you'd asked me to."
"But you wouldn't have asked to come with me first. That's my point." She
kissed his forehead. "A little rebellion is good for the soul, Castiel. Give it
a try."
***** Chapter 8 *****
They said Cas would be sprung in four days but kept him one extra, wanting to
be careful since to hear the doctors talk any little infection could make him
drop dead. Dean didn't know how many of them really believed Anna's little
engaged lie, but to Dean's relief they all seemed willing to run with it. They
were even willing to release Castiel into her custody, which in reality was
Dean's custody since she could only stick around so much longer. And it was a
good thing too, because Dean didn't know how long he could deal with Cas being
out of his sight right then.
He sat through the doctors talking them through taking care of the stitches,
how to keep the incision clean, all the things Dean had known how to do since
he was a little kid. It seemed like it took a thousand years before the doctors
would finally let him go, and the entire time Dean was waiting for Michael to
show up, or Raphael, one of them to appear and say that no, Cas had to go with
them.
It never happened though, and Dean almost couldn't believe it when they were
finally able to ease Castiel into the Impala's passenger seat, Sam stretching
out in the back without complaint. Cas was out like a light almost immediately
and Dean eased out of the spot, taking the long way back to make sure he kept
to the smoothest roads.
At every red light he patted the key card in his pocket to make sure it was
still there. He didn't know what kind of money deacons made but Anna had
shelled out for a month at one of the nicer hotel suites – not a four star
anything, just one of the efficiency places people stayed in when traveling on
business – because she didn't want, as she put it, "my brother recovering in a
flop house." She'd said her goodbyes that morning when the doctors finally
stopped dithering over whether to keep him one more day; she'd slipped the card
into his pocket, wrapped in a note that read Break his heart again and I'll
skin you alive. Dean hoped she followed through on that, too.
Once they were there he and Sam prodded Cas out of the car and into the room,
dropping him onto a bed that was so comfortable Dean frankly wondered if he'd
be able to sleep on it. Cas didn't seem to have any trouble, though; as soon as
they lay him down he stretched out like a cat, or as much as cat could with
stitches in his side, anyway. "I gotta drop Sam off at his buddy's, Cas. You
think you can avoid dropping dead if I leave you alone for five minutes?"
"I think I can manage," he said, his eyes closed and looking like the very
picture of bliss. "This bed is much better than the one at the hospital."
"I bet. When I get back we'll get some food in you that's better than at the
hospital, too. Pizza sound good?"
"Anything you get will be fine."
"Actually, Dean," Sam piped up, "I could probably walk from here. Trevor's
actually closer now than he was from the old place."
"You sure? It's dark already."
"Yeah, it's not that dark yet. And the neighborhood's way better."
"If you're cool with it. Call me when you get there, and I mean the second you
walk in the door."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Yes, mom," he said, shouldering his backpack.
Dean threw the spare key card at him. "Here, pest, before I decide not to let
you in. You gonna need a ride back?"
"Nah, Trevor's mom can drive me. I'm good."
Dean didn't miss the grateful look Cas gave Sam as he left or the little nod
Sam gave him in return, he just chose not think too hard about it. Dean
stretched out next to him, still a little amazed he was in a hotel nice enough
to have beds big enough for two people to lie down on. "What do you want on
your pizza, Cas?" he said, picking up the bedside phone.
"Mushrooms and extra cheese," he said, almost shyly.
"Dude. Gross." Dean grinned at the annoyed glare Cas gave him. "You'll have to
have your own," he said, placing the order.
After the food came Dean flipped through the channels, stopping when an
explosion caught his eye. "Hey, Cas," he said, nudging his shoulder. "We watch
this one during the last Statham-athon?"
Castiel studied the screen. "I don't believe so."
"Cool. This one's just starting. It's one of his drives-stuff ones, I know
they're not your favorite."
"I like them too," Castiel said, settling back against the pillows.
Midway through the movie the food was long gone and Dean felt full and sleepy
and happier than he had in a good long time. "You feel okay? Anything hurt?"
"For the thousandth time, no. I'm sore, that's all."
"Just checking. There any of the soda left?"
"There should be another bottle."
"Toss it over here, then."
"Get it yourself. I'm comfortable."
Dean rolled his eyes. "Lazy pain in the ass." Not that Dean was getting up
either, instead reaching over him to grab the bottle, careful to not put
pressure on Castiel's incision.
He never got the soda. As he hovered over Cas trying to reach he felt Castiel
take a deep breath. Dean looked down, worried that he'd hurt him, but before he
could ask anything Castiel leaned up on one elbow and kissed him, a much more
careful kiss than the first time. When Cas pulled back Dean saw terror bright
in his eyes and knew it was his fault it was there. "You said I could do that,"
he whispered, looking up at Dean like he was waiting for judgment.
"Yeah, I did," Dean said, stroking his thumb lightly along the bruise on his
cheek. "Didn't know you'd heard me."
"I wasn't sure it was real. Dean, I...."
Dean kissed him before he could say another word and he felt the soft moan Cas
let out wash through him like a drug. Castiel's lips parted and Dean deepened
the kiss, keeping it slow and careful because he knew Cas' lip was still sore
and swollen from the fight. He felt Castiel reach up to trace one hand down his
jaw, just the tips of his fingers light along his jaw line. This time Dean was
the one to pull back, spending a moment to take in Castiel lying there this
flushed and his eyes this wide. He'd dreamed about making Cas look like that.
"You okay?"
Castiel nodded. "I didn't mean it when I said we shouldn't be friends anymore,"
he said, still a little breathless.
"Figured that, Cas," Dean said, nuzzling along his neck. "Does kissing like
that hurt? With your lip still busted up, I mean?"
"A little," Cas admitted. "That doesn't mean I want to stop," he added quickly,
like he thought Dean was just going to say the hell with it, then.
Dean just grinned. "Plenty of stuff we can still do." Before Cas could ask what
he meant by that Dean levered himself over Castiel, careful to keep his weight
off of him. He started at Castiel's hairline and worked his way down, very,
very slowly, tracing along the curve of his temple, down the slope of his
cheek. When he trailed his tongue along Cas' upper lip Dean felt his breath
shudder and smiled to himself. "You tell me the second something hurts, okay?"
Castiel nodded and Dean went back to work, kissing his way down Cas' neck and
licking his way back up, lingering along the pulse point and feeling Castiel's
heart start to race faster. "Dean," he breathed, tipping his chin up as if he
wanted to encourage Dean to do that again.
Dean was only too happy to oblige. "I like the way you say that," he admitted,
scraping his teeth very, very lighting over his skin.
"Do you?" Dean could feel the vibration of that raspy voice against this lips.
"I like saying it." Cas' hands reached up his arms, nails digging in whenever
Dean found a good spot and Dean had dreamed about this but the reality was so
much better. This was real and Dean could take as much time as he wanted, he
could stretch every second so he could savor every moan and little breathy
flutter.
Cas pressed up against him when Dean tongued the hollow of this throat and Dean
had to close his eyes to gather himself for a second. "Jesus, Cas," he
whispered, nibbling on his earlobe. "That's not helping." He could actually
feel Castiel smirk at that. Cas moaned again when Dean licked along the curve
of his collarbone, pressing against Dean again, but this time Dean felt him
tense. Dean looked up too fast for Castiel to hide the pained wince. "Okay,
that's enough," he said, rolling off of him. Cas groaned and Dean wrapped one
arm around him. "Hey, I'm not exactly thrilled about it either," Dean said,
making sure Castiel could feel how much Dean didn't want to stop just them.
"We'll have plenty of time when you're healed up."
"I feel fine," Cas said with an annoyed little huff.
"You're one big bruise and you're full of stitches. We're gonna take things a
little slow for a while." He rolled to his back, letting Castiel's head rest in
the crook of his arm. "Rest up, okay? You've kind of had a day."
"I'm fine," Castiel insisted, snuggling next to Dean and full-on pouting. Dean
ignored it and tried to figure out what had happened in the movie since he'd
lost track. It was a few minutes and one car chase later when Cas spoke again.
"I made you my contact because you were the only one I could think of who would
care enough to come."
Dean tightened his arm around Castiel's shoulders. "Hey. Of course I came.
Nothing could have kept me away."
Cas was quiet for a while. "Thank you."
Dean just squeezed his shoulder again and went back to the movie, watching from
the corner of his eye as Castiel's eyes started to blink closed. When Dean was
sure he was asleep he shifted over, careful not to wake him. He checked the
bandage on the incision site, paranoid that Cas might have started bleeding
again during all that. Everything seemed okay and Dean let out a soft sigh of
relief, his fingers finding their way up to the pulse point his neck, counting
his heartbeats. Dean realized he was afraid to fall asleep. All he could think
about was that it had been stupid to do all that, Cas had just gotten out of
the hospital. He could start bleeding again. If he closed his eyes Cas could
die right next to him and Dean wouldn't know. And he knew that was ridiculous
because he knew that if Cas really had been that fragile the hospital would
never have let him go, but Dean couldn't stop seeing Cas' eyes rolling back in
that hospital bed.
He wrapped his arm back around Castiel and tried to tell his mind to shut up.
It hit him that he had never just lain in bed with someone before, at least not
with someone he hadn't already had sex with. It felt like a bigger deal to him
somehow than if he and Cas really had gone ahead and slept together.
Dean wondered if that meant he was a little screwed up.
The next thing Dean knew was opening his eyes to find the morning sun slanting
through the window and Castiel's blue eyes staring right at him. "Hey Cas," he
whispered, spotting Sam fast asleep in the opposite bed just in time to keep
his voice down.
"Hello, Dean."
"Dude, I cannot be that fascinating."
"I don't judge your hobbies."
Dean grinned and leaned forward to kiss him, careful to be gentle with his sore
lip. "You feel okay?"
"I'm fine," he said. "I dreamed I was still in the hospital and none of this
had happened."
"You're not and it did. Promise." He stifled a yawn and pushed himself up. "You
hungry? Me and Sam'll go get some grub."
"I could eat."
"Any preferences?"
"You can pick. Anything is fine."
"Dude, you put me in charge it's gonna pretty much be all bacon, I'm warning
you now." He rolled out of bed, landing on the floor with a loud thump. "Sam!"
he bellowed, laughing to himself when he saw his brother startle awake. "We're
going on a food run. Dibs on the shower."
***
Dean pulled into park opposite the diner, drumming his fingers against the
steering wheel. "Um...Dean? Are we going in?"
"Huh? Yeah, yeah we are...oh shit, I think I forgot my phone, now I can't ask
Cas what he really wanted."
"Dean. You woke me up super early for this and I'm hungry now. Why aren't we
going in?"
"I wanted the chance to talk to you first."
He saw Sam's eyes go worried. "What's wrong? We're not leaving, are we?"
"What? No, not that I've heard." He let out a deep breath. "Me and Cas
are...we're kind of together."
Sam cocked his head to the side, frowning. "Like dating, together?"
"I mean, not like going to the movies and dinner dating."
Sam just rolled his eyes, giving Dean that I'm embarrassed for you look. "Two
guys can go to the movies, Dean. You two do it all the time."
"It's different."
"It's really not."
"Whatever." He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel again. "You're
taking this pretty well."
Sam shrugged. "I kinda figured, actually."
Dean could only groan. He couldn't figure out how everyone seemed to have known
already. "What do you mean, you figured?"
"You were really freaked out at the hospital. I mean, I've only seen you that
freaked over Dad before, and it was a different kind of freaked, you know? And
besides, you two were always hanging out and you don't bother to do that with
people you're not trying to sleep with."
"Jesus, why do people keep saying that? Do you all really think I'm that
shallow?"
"Um, yeah?"
"Well, I'm not."
"So you don't wanna sleep with Cas?"
Dean frowned. "Shut up."
"Gotcha." Dean decided to be generous and let Sam enjoy his victory. "You
really like him, huh? You never talked to me about any of the other people you
wanted to sleep with."
"Yeah. I guess I do," he said, letting out a deep sigh. "It wasn't just that,
though. It's kind of...different with Cas, you know?"
Sam snorted. "Tell me about it. I mean, you know his last name. That's a big
step for you."
That wasn't the difference he'd meant, but he knew that Sam knew that. And Sam
did have a point. "Bitch."
"Jerk," Sam said, grinning.
Dean shook his head. "So you're really this cool about all this?"
Sam shrugged again. "Why wouldn't I be? Just, y'know, don't go at it while I'm
in the room."
"Yeah, I know. The Lindsay McIntyre agreement still stands." Dean felt like a
thousand pound weight had been thrown off his shoulders. "Thanks, Sam."
"Just don't screw this up, okay? Cas is a good guy and he's been through a lot
of crap."
"I'm not gonna screw things up."
"Good." Sam yawned. "Can we go in and get breakfast now?"
"Sure thing. Cas is waiting for his bacon sandwich with that bacon mayonnaise
they have now.''
He could hear Sam roll his eyes as they got out of the car. "I'll order for
Cas. He's been out of the hospital a day and you're already trying to kill
him."
They were almost back at the car with the food when Sam spoke up again.
"What're you gonna tell Dad?"
That brought Dean up short. "Tell Dad what?"
Sam let out a long-suffering sigh. "About Cas." He didn't add dummy to the end
of that but Dean heard it loud and clear anyway.
"Why would I tell Dad anything? He never cared about who I went out with
before." He didn't say that just the thought of having this conversation with
his father made his palms sweat.
Sam just gave him a Seriously? look before climbing into the passenger seat.
"Just don't screw this up," he said again, staring straight ahead. Neither of
them said another word the entire ride back.
***
Castiel woke from a light doze to find Sam and Dean still gone. He reached over
for the remote to find something to watch to pass the time and instead found
Dean's cellphone forgotten on the bedside table. He felt his heart start to
pound as he flipped the phone open and scrolled through the contact list. He
stared at the one Dean had labeled DAD for a long, long time, his hands shaking
and his throat dry. He was certain that the moment he pressed the button to
select it Zachariah would leap out of hiding, with Raphael or maybe even
Michael with him, all over them ready to punish him for already breaking his
word.
But nothing happened. Castiel swallowed hard and tried to stop his hands from
shaking.
DEAN: I have information.
He looked the message again and erased it, shaking his head. No one would ever
believe that came from Dean.
Castiel decided to try again.
DEAN: Hve info.
Castiel nodded to himself. That was closer. It still took a long time for him
to work up the courage to hit send; he closed his eyes and tried to imagine
Dean's reaction if he ever found out Castiel had possessed this information and
just didn't divulge it, the way Dean would look at him. He pressed send and
almost threw the phone back on the table, like it had been covered in poison.
He felt his heart almost stop when the text alarm chimed. It took him two
attempts to flip the phone open.
DAD: go ahead.
Castiel wondered what people had against proper capitalization. Then he
frowned, trying to figure out just how Dean would put this.
DEAN: found name. Azazel.
DEAN: set the fire.
Castiel shook his head and erased the second message. That wasn't what Dean
would find most important.
DEAN: guy who killed mom
He had to put the phone down and breathe for a few minutes. When the text alert
chimed again he swore aloud for the first time in his life because he couldn't
imagine what John Winchester could possibly want.
DAD: found this where?
Castiel sighed. Of course.
DEAN: cant say.
DEAN: infos good.
Castiel put the phone back on the table and, to his relief, the text alert
didn't go off again.
He hoped Anna and Dean were right about rebellion.
***
Dean strolled in and tossed Cas his sandwich, putting the awkward way the
conversation with Sam had ended out of his mind. "There you go. If it's too
healthy for you, blame Sam, he ordered it." He reached back into the bag and
pulled out two drinks. "I didn't know if you like coffee or orange juice in the
morning so I got you both."
"I'll take both."
While everyone unwrapped their food Dean heard his ringtone and dove for his
phone; there were only so many people who would call him and most of them were
already in the room. "This is Dean, go ahead."
He almost fell over when he heard his father's voice. "Dean, I checked out that
lead."
"I...what?"
"It's early yet but it looks promising." Dean couldn't remember hearing his
father this excited about anything. "Good work."
"Um...thanks, Dad."
His father hung up and Dean just stared at the phone for a few seconds, trying
to figure out what had just happened. He finally got the idea to look at the
text log and scrolled up through the messages. Messages he sure as hell knew he
hadn't sent.
When he looked over at Castiel the other boy looked away. "You forgot your
phone."
"Yeah. Guess I did." He stared at that one message for a long time until he
thought he could trust his voice. "This what you were gonna tell me that day?"
Castiel nodded, picking at a stray thread on the blankets. "I'm sorry I didn't
say it sooner." His voice went low. "I was scared."
Dean dove onto the bed and kissed Castiel until neither of them could breathe,
completely ignoring Sam's outraged cry of, "C'mon Dean, we just talked about
this!"
***
Dean slammed his locker door shut, a quick silver flash catching his eye and
almost jumped out of his skin when he looked up and saw Mike Kubrick just
leaning against the locker wall looking at him, that gaudy silver cross he wore
glinting against his chest. "Winchester," he said, nodding. Like he and Dean
had become friends all of a sudden.
"Kubrick." The hallway started to thin out, leaving the two of them to stare at
each other, wary as two lions who'd stumbled over the same meal. "Where's your
other half?"
Kubrick looked away, his lips pulling down into a puzzling frown. "Gordon has
some...inner demons I'm no longer comfortable with."
Dean rolled his eyes; it was bad enough Castiel was forcing him to pick up his
homework (the guy still had stitches, who did that?), he didn't have the
patience put up with this weirdness too. "Why're you talking to me?"
Kubrick chewed on his inner lip for a second. "Haven't seen your boyfriend in a
while."
Dean ground his teeth. He didn't get how everyone in the world seemed to have
figured out there was something between him and Cas before he did. "Yeah, that
happens when you get your spleen taken out."
Kubrick looked down at the floor. "So he'll be all right?"
"Are you here to bust my chops? 'Cause I really don't have the time."
"It's not your sins I'm concerned about now."
Dean narrowed his eyes. "Are...are you trying to convert me or something?"
Kubrick's eyes darted toward Dean for an instant before settling on some vague
point on the ceiling. "I need to get right with God."
"Can you just make sense for five seconds?"
He finally managed to look Dean in the eye. "I didn't know it would be like
that."
Dean was about to ask what the hell he was on about when he took a close look
at Kubrick, at the fading bruise around his eye that Dean realized was fresher
than it should be. Like it had only happened a few days ago. Dean felt the
world get very, very quiet. "You? You and Walker, the both of you?"
Kubrick nodded and Dean felt his hands ball into fists. He didn't know what
kept him from grabbing Kubrick by his hair and slamming his head into the
lockers. Probably the sense that Kubrick would just let him do it. "I spoke to
my pastor," he said, looking down at the floor again. "He said I needed to make
amends. Confess."
And just as Dean was about to tell him what he could do with his confession he
remembered something he'd overheard at the hospital. "A nurse told Cas' sister
someone in a van had dumped him outside the emergency room."
Kubrick shrugged, as if that of all things embarrassed him. "It was raining."
He'd forgotten that. Dean had a horrified moment to picture Castiel
unconscious, shivering and bleeding to death in the rain with Dean on the other
side of the wall, completely oblivious. He felt the anger drain out of him.
"Thanks."
Kubrick shrugged again. "I tell you, Winchester, I am glad I'm an only child."
Dean felt like the last piece of a puzzle had just clicked into place. "Tell me
everything. Everything."
"I'll be forgiven then?"
"I don't know about God, but you and me'll be square."
Kubrick nodded, as if that was the best he could hope for. Dean listened to
every word very, very carefully.
***
Dean pressed his switchblade against Zachariah's throat, cutting off the other
man midword. "I'll call you back," he said to whoever was on the other line, as
cool as if this kind of thing happened all the time, then he dropped the phone
to the ground and raised his hands to show they were empty. "Winchester? I'm
assuming that's you back there."
It had taken Dean less than three hours to track Zachariah down and only forty
five minutes after that to follow him to somewhere isolated enough where there
would be no witnesses. The whole time Zachariah never even knew he was there.
Dean knew his father would approve. "Next time you hire goons, don't pick ones
who believe in hell."
"This doesn't have to be unpleasant."
"It passed that a long time ago." Dean angled the blade in, close enough to
scare but not to cut, not yet. "Should've figured you'd've been the one behind
things."
"Family squabble. Doesn't involve you."
"You know it does." It blew Dean away that he wasn't even bothering to deny it.
"Cas almost died."
That got a reaction – not a guilty one, a quick tense intake of breath, but at
least it was something. "That wasn't supposed to happen."
"Yeah. Yeah, I bet. Bet your ass really would be in a sling if that had gone
just a little bit worse, huh?" Dean couldn't see it, but he was absolutely sure
Zachariah was grinding his teeth. "All that time I was at the hospital, I
wondered why the oldest two never put in an appearance and just let Anna handle
things, especially since Michael's supposed to be the this big bad head of the
family. Figured he'd have to show up at least once, no one could be that big a
dick." Dean tilted the knife some more. "Made sense when I heard you were
involved. Cas said you handled the family business, so I'm guessing all the
calls and official stuff would have to go through you. Let me know when I get
something wrong."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll make some kind of dramatic point soon enough," he said,
the words betraying him by coming out just a bit too fast.
"You were running interference," Dean said. "You didn't want them to know how
bad you'd fucked up so you made sure nothing got back to them. That's why there
were never any cops sniffing around. I bet they never even knew something had
happened."
"Is this going somewhere---"
"Shut up." Dean was glad his father had taught him how to hold a knife steady
no matter how angry he got. "Cas is a minor. It gets out you did this, you're
going straight to jail, no passing go. How fucking embarrassing to the family
would that be, huh? Especially with all the skeletons camping out in your
closets."
He felt Zachariah swallow. "What do you want?"
"Not a matter about what I want. It's what's gonna happen." He leaned in close
to Zachariah's ear. He knew he could gut Zachariah like a fish right now but
held himself back. "You don't talk to him. You so much as fucking look at him
and all this goes on the front page. Can't think your bosses will like that so
much."
"That's all you want?"
"I want to put this knife through your eye but that'll only make me feel
better, not Cas. And don't think I'm not tempted anyway. You keep away and I'll
stay quiet. I ever see you sniffing around, you'll have a camera crew at your
front door faster than you can say, 'Holy shit, Dean wasn't kidding.' And then
maybe I'll put this through your eye anyway."
"I think we can all live with that."
The desperate edge to his voice was music to Dean. He lowered his knife and
backed away. "And have one of those dicks give Cas a call. What kind of fucking
family are you?"
Dean slunk back into the shadows before Zachariah could turn around. He bet his
father would approve of that, too.
A while later Dean strolled into the hotel, tossing a sack of cheeseburgers
into Castiel's lap. "Hey, Cas," he said, plopping down on the bed next to him.
"Got some grub."
Cas just continued to stare at his cell phone. "Michael just called," he said,
with the same tone of voice people used to describe alien abductions. "He said
he hadn't heard I'd been ill and wished me well."
"'Bout time. Eat something."
Castiel nodded, unwrapping one burger and still frowning like he was trying to
decipher hieroglyphics. "Where were you?" he finally said, seemingly deciding
to put the mystery aside. "I expected you hours ago."
Dean just shrugged. "Had something I needed to take care of." When Castiel
frowned at that, that questioning look in his eye, Dean leaned forward and
kissed him. That probably wasn't always going to work, but it certainly did
now. "Eat or I'll feed you."
A mischievous grin flashed across his face. "That doesn't sound so terrible,"
he said, color creeping across his cheeks.
"Cas, you cannot get better fast enough," Dean said, bending down to kiss him
again. Dinner could wait a little while longer.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Almost a month later John Winchester came home.
Dean saw his old truck pull up in front of the hotel while he was outside
waxing the Impala – he'd never gotten around to mentioning they'd switched
hotels but it didn't surprise him that his dad had no problem finding out – and
Dean walked up to greet him. "Hey! Didn't know you were back in town!"
"Finished things up early," John said, giving Dean a quick hug. "Where's your
brother?"
"Doing some school thing. One of his teachers loves group projects." Dean
stepped back, realizing what his father had just said. "Wait, you mean finished
up, finished up? For real?"
"Finally. I was starting to think I'd never get this hunt put to bed."
"So we're finally out of here?"
"Once I tie up a few loose ends." John cast a dubious look at the hotel. "How
many more days you have here?"
"Three, I think?"
"Did you really get some girl to put you up here for a month?"
Dean shrugged, grinning as he finished wiping off his hands. "What can I say?
Girls like me." His father was giving him that look where he knew if had to be
more than that and Dean knew it was time to change the subject. "Man, I can't
tell you how much I missed the road."
"I missed you boys."
Dean had to look away. It was an unusual admission for his father to make and
Dean didn't want to make it obvious how glad he was to hear it. He wondered if
the job had been rough if it was making his dad this mushy. "Sam's actually
gonna be at sleepover tonight so I don't know if he'll be around. I could go
get him...."
"Don't worry about it. I've got a few people I need to touch base with so I'll
be away until morning. We'll all talk then."
***
A few hours later Cas knocked on the door, looking shifty and flustered with a
bag in one hand. "Hello, Dean," he said, not looking at him.
"Hey, Cas. I keep telling you to take one of the damn key cards when you head
out. Where've you been all day?"
Castiel stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "I had a check up with the
doctor."
"Why didn't you say anything? I'd've gone with you."
Castiel shook his head. "You were busy."
Dean sat on the arm of the front room sofa. "So, what's the verdict?"
"The doctor says I'm fully recovered," he said, looking at Dean with almost a
shy smile.
Dean caught his meaning. "So, that means we have the all clear, then?"
Cas nodded, his hand tightening into a fist around the bag. "I bought condoms,"
he blurted out, blushing bright red. "And lubricant. I've been viewing
pornography to prepare for...."
Dean laughed, jumping up and kissing Cas as hard as he could. "Can't believe
I'm saying this," Dean said against his lips, "but porn isn't exactly how sex
really goes. It's fun but it's not a manual."
"I didn't want to disappoint you," Cas said back, still just as close. Dean
felt his arms reach around his waist.
"That's the last thing you have to worry about, Cas," Dean said, sliding his
hand under his shirt and trailing his fingertips down his skin. "You sure about
this?"
Castiel nodded, his breathing catching as Dean found a still tender spot along
his ribs. "I want this. I've wanted this for so long, Dean."
Dean smiled, pressing Castiel against the wall and kissing him until he had Cas
gasping. "Let's not make you wait any longer, then."
He led Castiel back toward the bedroom, kissing and losing clothes the entire
way, shoes kicked off, Cas' belt dropped to the floor (although not before Dean
slid the leather against Cas' skin, watching how his eyes fluttered), Dean's
shirt thrown over the sofa and Cas' button down undone carefully, slowly enough
that Cas moaned in frustration against Dean's neck as he undid the last button.
Finally Dean slid the shirt from his shoulders at the threshold to the bedroom,
trailing his fingers over almost-faded bruises and the scar down his side.
Dean lay back on the bed and pulled Castiel down on top of him, kissing his
neck as he slid his hands past Cas' waistband and over the curve of his
hipbone, chuckling to himself when Cas bucked against him. "Relax, relax," he
said. "Don't try to rush. We got plenty of time. Place is all to ourselves
tonight, remember."
Castiel nodded, kissing a trail down Dean's neck as Dean finished easing him
out of the last of his clothes. Dean shucked off his own jeans and pulled
Castiel back against him, the heat of being able to touch him, just skin
against skin was everything Dean had hoped it would be. He rolled them both
over so Castiel was beneath him and Dean kissed a slow trail down his chest,
intending to finish what he'd started that first night. Nothing had ever gotten
him harder than seeing Castiel's hand clench in the sheets the way they were
now, the way his stomach fluttered under Dean's lips when Dean licked just the
right spot. "You're all tense, Cas. You don't have to be nervous, I know what
I'm doing."
"I don't," Cas gasped out, throwing his head back as Dean licked up his
stomach.
Dean took the second to suck on Cas' neck before pulling him up from the bed.
"C'mon, get up. I know what to do."
He led Castiel into the shower, making sure the water was warm but not hot
before pulling him under the water. "I want you nice and relaxed," Dean said,
kissing his curve of his neck as he held Castiel in front of him. Castiel
leaned against him, his eyes closed as Dean trailed his hands up and down his
torso, down his thighs, tracing his fingers feather light up his cock and
feeling him shiver. Dean kissed across his shoulder as he wrapped one hand
around Castiel's cock, working slowly up and down and almost getting light-
headed from how Cas pressed back against him. When he felt the combination of
the warm water and the contact start to ease the tension out of his muscles
Dean very, very carefully slid one finger inside him, sucking on his ear when
he sucked in a shuddery breath. "Told you I know what I'm doing, Cas."
"Have you...." Castiel moaned and Jesus, he was already grinding against Dean.
Dean wanted to be inside him so much he could hardly see straight but Cas
wasn't ready yet. "Have you done this before?"
"With girls," Dean admitted. "Doubt the mechanics are all that different,
y'know?" He crooked his finger and Cas moaned so loud Dean bet the next room
heard him.
Dean thought he'd figured out what part of the problem was. "Let me try
something," he whispered into Castiel's ear, sliding his finger free and
ignoring his soft little moan of dismay. He maneuvered Castiel against the
shower wall and dropped to his knees in front of him.
The way Castiel's eyes went wide when he realized what Dean was about to do,
surprise and lust and anticipation all mixed together, got Dean so hard it
hurt. "You don't have to...." he said in a small voice, like he couldn't bring
himself to finish the sentence.
"Cas, there's not too much I'm still a virgin at, okay?" he answered, water
dripping off his hair and into his face. "Let me have my moment." Castiel
settled against the wall, anticipation shaking him and Dean tried to figure out
his plan of attack. He was new to this, that was true, but he'd had it done to
him enough times to know what felt good. Even if deep throating was something
he knew you had to work up to, he thought he was still up to the task.
Dean wrapped his hand back around the base of Castiel's cock and took him into
his mouth, licking slowly around the head, the way Cas moaned just from that
letting Dean know he was off to a good start. He sucked hard, pumping his fist
up and down Castiel's shaft. "Dean," Cas murmured, his voice breaking around
the name. Dean felt Castiel's hands trail through his hair, the combination of
that and the water sliding down his back making him shiver. "Dean."
Dean set himself in a rhythm, sucking and licking until his neck started to
ache but as long as Cas was moaning his name like this nothing could make him
stop. Dean scraped his nails down Castiel's thighs and Cas moaned, his hands
going tight in Dean's hair. Dean felt him start to shake and knew he was close;
Dean braced himself against the wall and took Castiel as deep as he could,
sucking hard. Cas moaned, his hips bucking forward and Dean reached up to hold
his hips steady. He flicked his tongue around the head of Cas' cock one more
time and Cas let out a low, shuddery moan as he climaxed. Dean pulled back and
licked his lips as he swallowed, proud of himself for not gagging at all. He
looked up at Castiel and took in the sheer amazement in Cas' eyes as he stared
down at him and couldn't understand why he'd fought this so long.
Dean pushed himself back up to his feet, turning off the water as he kissed
Castiel, sucking on his lip. "There," he whispered, licking along the line of
his jaw. "Now we both did something we've never done before." He made a
perfunctory attempt at drying them both off, Cas not helping at all. He guided
Castiel back toward the room and dropped him on the bed, relaxed and boneless
and as happy as he thought a human being could get. Dean climbed back on top of
him and started kissing him again, making his already overstimulated body
shiver. He felt Castiel's hand wrap around his cock and moaned into his mouth.
"Jesus, Cas. I'm trying to work here."
"I want to make you come," Cas whispered into his ear, and Dean didn't think
Cas had any idea what hearing Cas talk like that did to him. "I want to see
that."
Dean lay Cas down, reaching into the bag Cas had dropped by the bed and finding
the lube he'd brought. "Plenty of time for that," he whispered, putting a leer
into his voice. Cas was already getting hard again and Dean stroked up his cock
to help that along. "We don't have to rush. We're gonna take this slow and
you're gonna know how awesome this feels as many times as I can manage it," he
said, making each word a promise.
Dean squeezed some lube into his palm, giving himself a moment to sit back and
take Castiel in, his pale skin gleaming and damp and his lips parted as he
tried to catch his breath.
Dean knew he had a lot to make up for. Time to get to it.
***
Dean opened his eyes to see the clock reading 3:45 and yawned as he wrapped one
arm around Castiel. "Cas? You up?"
"Mhm-hmm," he murmured, just making Dean pull him closer.
"Liar." Cas snuggled closer, which Dean supposed made up for it. "How do you
feel?"
"I don't think I'll ever move again."
Dean grinned. "Good. That means I did my job."
Cas nodded, sighing as he rested his head on Dean's arm. "When are you
leaving?"
"Leaving where? For once I don't have to sneak out before dawn."
"That isn't what I meant."
"Then I'm not following you," Dean said, kissing the nape of his neck.
"I saw your father's truck," Cas said, the quiet words cutting through the
sleepy afterglow like a sword. "Is it just another quick visit?"
"No. Not this time."
Castiel nodded. "So when do you leave?"
Dean felt like he'd been dunked in ice water. "I don't know. Usually a couple
of days."
Cas was quiet for a while. "Were you going to say anything to me?"
"Yeah. Yeah, of course I would've...Cas I swear, I didn't even think about it."
"I'm going to sleep at home for the next few nights."
"Are you sure? Is that safe?"
"I believe so. My brothers and I seem to be at some kind of truce for the
moment. They can't prove I gave your father that information and until they can
I think they're willing to leave it be. Your father's been very careful about
revealing what he knows." Dean didn't know how many people would be able to
hear the catch in Castiel's voice, but Dean knew him too well to miss it.
"Don't call me until you're on the road. I don't want to know until then."
"Cas, I...if you knew why didn't you say something?"
Castiel shrugged. "It wouldn't have changed anything."
Dean felt his stomach tie into hard knots. "Why'd you go ahead with this, if
you thought I was leaving?"
Castiel turned over and looked at him like he didn't understand the question.
"Because otherwise I'd miss my chance." Castiel pressed back against him and
Dean couldn't understand how Cas could stand touching him. "I knew from the day
we met you wouldn't be here forever, Dean."
"Come with us," Dean said, the words coming out before he even knew what he was
saying. "You're smart. You'll pick things up quick."
Castiel seemed to find something about that amusing. "Dean, I'm seventeen, I'm
fairly certain that would count as kidnapping. My brothers may have tolerated
my indiscretions so far but they won't allow your father to just take me. Even
if just out of spite." His voice went soft. "And even if they did allow it, I
doubt your father would."
Dean swallowed hard because he knew that was absolutely true. Travel light. No
excess baggage, Dean. "Hey. You're gonna be eighteen in June, right? That's,
what, six months away? We'll probably back in the area by then, we can swing by
and get you then."
"You're going to go back on the road and forget all about this place," Castiel
said, the words twisting in Dean's gut like a snake. "You said that yourself."
"I won't forget about you, Cas. I don't wanna leave you here, you know that."
He saw the corner of Castiel's lip twitch up into something that was absolutely
not a smile. "It's all right, Dean. It's what always happens."
After a few minutes Dean felt Castiel's breathing go deep and even as he fell
back asleep. Dean didn't know how much longer he lay awake, holding him and
feeling like his stomach as slowly turning to ice. He didn't remember falling
asleep but when he opened his eyes the sun was up and he was alone in the bed.
He stumbled into the shower and turned the water up as hot as it would go,
trying to scald away the cold pit where his stomach used to be.
***
Sam took the news about as well as he ever did: "No! Why do we have to to go
now? Just once I want to finish out a school year, why can't we do that? I like
it here, we both do." Sam looked over to Dean in desperation. "Dean, tell Dad
that we can't go."
Dean lowered his eyes. The flash of betrayal on his brother's face went into
Dean's heart like a knife. "C'mon, Dean," Sam said, the hope leeching out of
this voice. "We gotta stay. Tell Dad."
But Dean stayed silent. "Sam, start packing up. We leave tomorrow," John said,
his voice definite. "Go now."
Dean knew no one had ever been as disappointed in him as Sam was right now.
"I'm gonna go to college some day and I swear, I'll never come back," he said
as he stormed back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
John just sighed. "He'll get over it." Dean didn't know how to say that he
wished his father would take that threat seriously.
Dean waited until he was sure Sam was out of earshot before he spoke. "I don't
want to go either," he said, his throat so dry he could barely get the words
out. "I wasn't going to contradict you in front of Sam but he's right, this
place isn't so bad. He's got friends, y'know, and I might even be able to
sucker these people into letting me graduate."
John stepped back and gave Dean a long, penetrating look before shaking his
head. "What's her name?"
Dean lowered his eyes again. "Cas," he whispered, the cowardice of that
wrapping around him like a giant hand.
John sighed. "Look, Dean, I'm sure she's great and you're both in love but
believe me, there are lots of other girls out there. And if this is something
serious, we should be back in this area in a few months and the two of you can
pick up again then."
"That's not enough," Dean said. "Cas...He doesn't have anyone else." Dean saw
the flash of surprise in his father's eyes and pushed forward before he lost
his nerve. "His father ran off so long ago Cas wouldn't recognize him if they
passed in the street, he doesn't even know where he is. All he's got are these
brothers and they're...they're dangerous, Dad. And they don't give a shit about
him. That name, Azazel? He's the one who found it, not me. If it wasn't for Cas
we would never know." Dean crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the
floor. "Everyone runs out on him. I'm not gonna do the same thing." He raised
his head and set his jaw, staring his father down. "I'm eighteen, you can't
make me go with you. I...."
John took one step forward and Dean felt his nerve wither and die. "That's
enough," he said and Dean's eyes lowered back to the floor. "We'll talk about
this in the morning. Go help your brother."
Dean nodded, tears pricking his eyes. "Yes, sir." Dean knew if morning came and
his father told him to head out he would do it. He would do it because it was
his job to take care of Sam and he'd been obeying his father's orders since he
was four years old. It hit him what a hypocrite he was, always telling Cas to
rebel when he didn't have the guts to do it himself.
"Dean, look at me."
Dean looked up, forcing himself to meet his father's eyes.
To his surprise, his father put one hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to
play those kinds of games with me. You understand?"
Dean's heart was pounding so hard he didn't know how the whole world couldn't
hear it. "Yes, sir."
"Okay," he said, stepping back. "Go help your brother."
Dean walked out of the room, his legs shaking so much he didn't know how he
stayed upright.
***
Dean woke up the next morning at 8 AM, two hours later than his father usually
let them sleep. He wandered out of the bedroom looking for John but instead
only found a cell phone sitting on the kitchen table, a post-it stuck to it
that just read DEAN. When he picked up the phone he found a new credit card and
a copy of the Impala's title and registration; Dean couldn't imagine why his
father would take those out of the car until he took a closer look and realized
it they were new and his name was the one on the dotted lines.
Dean was so stunned it took him a second to remember how to breathe. He finally
remembered he was holding the phone and looked at it, noticing the voice mail
icon blinking. Dean checked the voice mail, sitting down when he heard his
father's voice. "I wanted to do this face-to-face but Bobby ran into some
trouble that couldn't wait." Dean heard his father sigh. "I gave this a lot of
thought and decided that if you're old enough to talk to me like a man I should
give you a chance to prove you can act like one. You've done everything I've
ever told you since you were four years old and never backtalked me once, so if
you're ready to defy now it must be something important. And besides, it sounds
like you've found a hunt of your own I expect you to make good on." John paused
again, like he was trying to find the right words. "So tell Sam he gets his way
this once and the two of you can stay." Dean knew that if he hadn't already
been sitting down he would have been on the floor. "But there are conditions.
First of all, you stay out of trouble and you keep Sam out of trouble. And
second of all you graduate, and I don't mean just skating by. I'm going to keep
in touch and if I hear about you getting anything below a B I'm coming back and
throwing you in the trunk. I'd tell you to take care of the car but you've been
doing that for two years already. You've earned her."
His father let out another long sigh. "When the school year's over I expect you
to go hunting, and I expect results. I trained you too well otherwise. Check in
the way I taught you." There was another pause. "You boys look after each
other."
The message ended and Dean sat there with the phone to his ear, staring at the
Impala title with his name at the bottom until Sam wandered in. "Dean? Where's
Dad? It's late."
"Dad gave me the car." He realized his hands were shaking.
"Huh? What're you talking about?"
Dean showed him the title and registration. "Look. Look, Dad just gave me the
car."
Sam's mouth dropped open. "Holy crap. That's pretty cool."
"He's letting us stay," Dean said, the daze finally lifting.
"Wait, what?"
"He's letting us stay out the year. Then we've gotta....I gotta call Cas," he
said, standing up so quickly the chair toppled over. He could tell Sam was so
thrilled he didn't care about the whys and Dean retreated back into the
bedroom, sitting on the floor next to the bed. It took two tries to dial in the
number, his hands shook so hard. It didn't even occur to him that he could just
use his own phone.
"Hello?"
"Cas? You up?"
He could almost hear Castiel frown. "Obviously. Dean? Is that you?"
"Of course it's me."
"This isn't your number."
"Oh, yeah, sorry. It's a different phone."
"Are you...are you gone already?"
"No, Cas, listen. My dad changed his mind. He's letting us stay."
Castiel was quiet for so long Dean thought he'd lost the call. "Please don't
make fun of me," he whispered.
"I would never do that Cas, you know that. Not about something important,
anyway. But listen, there's conditions. I've gotta graduate, and I mean with
decent grades, otherwise the deal's off the table."
"We can do that. I'll do all your homework if I have to."
"There's other stuff too, but I don't want to go over it on the phone."
"...You're really staying?"
"Yeah. Yeah, we really are." He drummed his fingers against the floor. "So,
um...you wanna go see a movie? I don't know if anything good's playing, but we
could check...."
"I don't care what's playing."
"Cool. I'll pick you up in an hour, okay? I know it's early but we can drive
around, get breakfast. We got a lot to talk about."
"I'll be waiting."
He hung up and Dean leaned his head back against the bed. He heard a knock on
the door, and a second later Sam poked his head in. "Hey, Dad apparently bought
this place out 'till June. What'd you say to him?"
Dean could only shrug. "Wish I knew."
"How's Cas?"
"Good. We're going to a movie later."
"Cool. You'd better spring for dinner too, you don't want him to feel easy."
Sam laughed and ran away before Dean could punish him properly for that, and
really, Dean was so happy he decided to let it go. Just this once.
***
Two days after graduation was Castiel's eighteenth birthday, a big day for more
than one reason. Dean finished tossing the luggage into the trunk as Sam and
Cas walked up. "Shotgun," Cas as he approached, a shy smile on his face.
Sam let out an exaggerated groan and Dean smacked his shoulder. "He won fair
and square and anyway, it's his birthday. That reminds me, Cas first decent
diner we pass we're gonna stop and get you some birthday pie."
"Is that really the tradition?"
"It's our tradition, so yeah, it is." He slammed the trunk close; Sam stretched
out in the back seat and took out a video game as Cas slipped into the
passenger seat. When Dean got behind the wheel of his baby, his baby he
couldn't believe how right this felt, the three of them all together like this.
"You sure you're okay with this, Cas? We can stay a while longer."
Castiel shook his head. "There's nothing left for me here."
"Glad to hear it. We gonna be looking over our shoulders for them?"
"I don't know. They've said nothing to me."
Dean shook his head. "They even have the decency to wish you a happy birthday?"
Castiel wilted. "As I said. There's been nothing."
"Dicks."
"Anna sent a message," he said, brightening a bit. "She wished me luck."
"Maybe you should've had more sisters." Dean let out a long breath, the
excitement of a new hunt getting under his skin the way it always did. "We'll
track down your old man, Cas. My dad's the best, and he taught me and Sam
everything."
"What if he wants nothing to do with me?" Cas said, not able to look at Dean.
"What if we do find him and he won't see me?"
Dean just reached over and grabbed Castiel by the collar, pulling him into a
deep kiss (and earned an exasperated Guys, come on! reaction from Sam in the
back seat.) "If that's what happens then me and Sam'll hold him down so you can
kick him 'till you feel better. Right, Sam?"
"Yup. We'll take over if you get tired, too."
Castiel looked away. "I don't think that will be necessary. But thank you."
"That's what friends are for, Cas." He looked behind at Sam, then to Castiel.
"Everyone ready to do this? You all have everything?" They both nodded and Dean
turned the key in the ignition, taking the moment to listen to his baby purr.
Then he put the car in drive and they left the town behind them to the dust.
                                     -fin-
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