Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8762347.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      My_Chemical_Romance
  Relationship:
      Frank_Iero/Gerard_Way, Gerard_Way/Original_Male_Character(s)
  Character:
      Gerard_Way, Frank_Iero, Mikey_Way, Jamia_Nestor, Original_Characters,
      Helena_Way
  Additional Tags:
      Implied/Referenced_Self-Harm, Depression, Sexual_Content, Friendship/
      Love, Underage_Drinking, Sexual_Confusion, Abusive_Relationships,
      Jealousy, Anal_Sex, Accidental_Voyeurism, Psychological_Torture, Torture,
      Rough_Oral_Sex, Submission, Kidnapping
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-12-05 Updated: 2017-02-13 Chapters: 8/? Words: 13582
****** Die, Die My Darling ******
by vampiregirl89
Summary
     Don't cry to me oh baby
     You should have seen it coming on
Notes
     Another fanfic I wrote years ago. I never posted it before.
     Hope you like it ♥
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 01. *****
I was nervous; I had knocked on the door infinite times, and still got no
answer. I could feel my hands deadly cold, and the need growing in anticipation
inside of me.
I was about to give up when the door suddenly was opened; I felt relieved. I
saw Mikey’s sleepy face turning into an angry frown as he saw me outside of his
house, in the middle of the night, for the third time just this week.
“Frank, will I have to tell you everything all over again? Go home.”
He didn’t sound angry. More like giving a friendly advice.
“Mikey, don’t lie to me. I know Gerard is there.” I said after staring at him
for some time. He smirked.
“Of course you know, right?! It must be the twentieth time you come here this
month, jesus!” He said, his voice sounded calm but he still had that bothered
look on his face. “Drawing in back of the house. You two are fucking crazy,
just you understand each other.”
“I really wanted to see him…”
“Arrgh… Go! Next time I’ll let you outside to die from the cold.”
He gives me space to get in, and I go straight to the backdoor, not giving
attention to Mikey who just closed the door and got upstairs as fast as he
could.
Finally I got into my real natural habitat. There I felt safe: the careless
garden that I spent most of my childhood playing, an old gothic bench that
belonged to Gerard’s grandmother, the yellowish weak light and Gerard sitting
while drawing on his sketchbook. I smiled watching him.
“You’re late.” He said and didn’t even look up at me, kept his concentration. I
sat down by his side. He scribbled ferociously a typically old London
landscape. His grandmother, Helena, was an artist and teached Gerard all about
it. He loved her gothic style, but I knew he mostly drawed landscapes when he
dreamed of it.
“You look horrible. Didn’t you sleep today?
“Why thank you.”
“Didn’t you sleep today?” He still didn’t look up at me this whole time, not
even for a second. I found that strange. Usually he would give me a kiss on the
cheek and mess with my hair, looking at me with his usual serious face and
telling me about who boring his day was.
“I was very busy thinking.”
“Look at me, Gerard.”
“I don’t have to, I alredy know how you are. And I now you are beautiful just
like every day.” He continued, speaking with an indifference in his voice that
made me want to punch him in the face.
“I’m cold. Will we go upstairs?” I said, trying to get out of that awkward
situation. He was acting strange and irritating me with so much frigidity.
“Sure.” He answers, as if he just noticed I was there. He got up with his
sketchbook still in his hands. I followed him inside.
Gerard has always been like this, with his provocative behavior. But I knew
something was wrong. He never was  the kind of person who would just say it
right away, which has always been a problem.
“Can’t you two stay outside? Huh?” Mikey complained as we got into the room he
shared with Gerard. He was on his computer, only the light of the screen
illuminated the room. Although I liked it, I felt a little bothered with so
much darkness. But Gerard used to say he had sensitive retinas, and so he
preferred it like that.
“Don’t worry. We didn’t even notice you are watching porn.” I said, sitting on
Gerard’s bed. He laughed loudly, pulling me into a side hug. Mikey shrugged,
breathing heavily. That was our routine: Bother each other. I’d like to
remember that he was the one who started it.
“Oh how I missed you…” Gerard whispered, kissing my neck softly.
“I saw you at school today, Gerard.”
“I alredy said I don’t like to stay away from you not even for one hour. You’re
the only one who doesn’t think I’m a psychopath or something…” He confessed. I
alredy knew it was related to his social problems. He only had me and some
virtual friends. He used to say only I understood him truly, but I always
thought it was mostly because we were friends since our childhood.
“I was wondering if you have plans for tomorrow.” I said, poking on his hand.
He was quiet. “Ger?”
“I won’t answer that stupid question. You know I don’t like to go out.”
“Jamia invited me to go to the mall with her.” I said, ignoring his answer.
“Good.”
“I want you to go with me.”
Mikey turned around in the chair, looking at me and laughing.
“You are really stupid Frank.”
“If you intrude in our conversation again, I’m going to break that fucking
screen on your head.” Gerard said, still with a blank face. Mikey rolled his
eyes and turned back to his computer screen. “I won’t go. Why would I?”
“I don’t want to be alone… I don’t know how to talk or act with girls. You know
that.”
“Frank, I’m not going to just stand there between you two the whole day. And we
both know Jamia is in love with you for about two years now.” He said, hiding
his face on my neck.
“Really?” I frowned "I thought she was a lesbian!”
“Stupid, stupid, stuuu-“ Mikey sang. His loud laugh irritated me, I think
Gerard noticed. He got one of Mikey’s sportive shoe that was on the floor and
threw it on his younger brother head. Mikey jumped out of the chair. “Fuck you
Gerard, fuck you!”
“Out!” Gerard screamed and Mikey pouted as he left the room. I didn’t
understand anything, as usual. The Way family is really weird.
“Well… if you’re not going, I won’t either.” I said. Gerard shooked his head
disappointed and pushed me on the bed, laying down on top of me. He put each
arm on the side of the bed, to support his weight. He stared at me with that
dead look that irritated me immensely. I wish he was more expressive.
In moments like this I asked myself: Do I really understand him?
He said nothing, just smiled. I smiled back, glad to see some brightness in his
eyes, even if I didn’t find a reason for that.
“My parents come back tomorrow, in the afternoon.”
“You alredy told me that.”
“And Mikey is sleeping in their room right now, or smoking a joint in the
bathroom, thinking that I don’t know about it.”
“So?” I arched one eyebrow. He gave me that one-sided smile that made me warm
all over, and lowered his face closer to mine, contouring my nose with his.  I
shuddered as he started to kiss and bite on my shoulders, lowering my black T-
shirt just a little.
I turned my face and he sucked my skin in that area that made me shiver, until
I -glancing- saw his wrists; the long sleeves of his shirt rise up a little,
allowing me to see the almost healed cuts. I already knew it weeks ago. But
there was something different...
“Stop, G.”
“Hm… No….”
“Gerard, you cut yourself again, didn’t you?
He stopped abruptly, as if he saw a ghost. But soon he got his blank face
again, as always acting so fast and never leaving any emotion that he didn’t
plan to be in sight. He sat on the bed, and so did I, expecting an answer. He
put a hand on my knee, smiling softly.
“Of course not. These are the old cuts.”
“It doesn’t look like it… In fact, they seem pretty recent.”
“What is it? Don’t you trust me?” He practically growled, already changing his
mood completely. He always appealed to the emotional side. He knew I was the
sensitive type, and hated to hurt others. In some way, I always felt
manipulated by him in our discussions.
“I don’t know. You changed a lot.”
“You’re tripping.” He laughs nervously, getting up and walking around the room
as if he was suffocated, stuck there.
“Tell me what’s going on, Gerard.”
***** Chapter 02. *****
Chapter Notes
     Hi guys thanks for reading~~
     I'm having an idea for a new fanfic but... it's as sick as me. So I'm
     not sure yet rsrsrsrs
     Have a nice weekend♥
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“Tell me what’s going on, Gerard.”
He covered his face with his hands; I saw the peeled black nail polish and some
small old cuts on the side of his wrists.
“It’s been really hard for me since she’s gone, Frankie. You know it, you
always knew about it.” I looked down to my hands were resting on my legs. His
voice sounded rough, and he sobbed. He was right, I knew. He was talking about
Helena, his grandmother. They were very attached, sometimes he’d even prefer
her company than mine. I didn’t mind, because every time he spent the day with
her he would be much more excited and creative the next days. At that
timeGerard was truly happy. It felt like that Gerard died with her.
I got up from the bed and held him softly. He hated to cry, even more when
someone was watching.
“Shh. I know. But you have to move on, Gerd. People come and go, that’s how it
works.” I felt stupid in that situation; I never knew how to comfort someone
who was crying in front of me. But I couldn’t just leave him there like that.
We were always there for each other. That’s what I thought, at least.
“But she promised. Promised. That’s why I hate everybody, all they do is lie,
never comply anything.” I let go of him, watched his face getting red and the
way he pulled his hair. I was perplexed. Think, Frank. Think!
“W-Well, she couldn’t choose to not die. As long as you love her, she will be
alive inside of you.” I said and he looked up at me, a little more calm.
“Bitch…” He murmured. He went to Mikey’s desk, getting the framed picture of
Helena. He held it with trembling hands, and it was clear what he wanted to do.
He threw it to the wall in the opposite side of us. It passed right near my
head. I didn’t act or move from the shock. The glass shattered and fell all
over the floor. Gerard left the room, revolted.
“What the hell is going on?” Mikey said as he ran into the room. He didn’t even
look at Gerard when he walked in. “Frank?”
“The usual, Mikey.” I sighed. Gerard was my biggest challenge and I felt
defeated.
 
~~
 
At 10 a.m. I was sitting on a table outside of school as we usually spent time
during lunch, and I was waiting for Gerard. In the ending of our last class
before lunch he just ran to the bathroom. From the redness of his eyes, I
thought it wasn’t a good idea to talk to him yet.
I put my arms on the table, laying my head on it and resting. I was exhausted
from what happened earlier. I had to stop supplying Gerard's needs all the
time. Staying awake all dawn was wrecking me.
The sky was white with a thin drizzle falling down, but it didn’t bother me. I
watched the other students, thinking that if it wasn’t for me Gerard probably
wouldn’t be friends with anyone else. They seemed to be like in those high
school movies, with all those artificial smiles and happiness all around even
in a dark day like this. Some minutes later I saw Jamia running in my direction
and smiling. I smiled back, weakly. She sat in front of me.
“Good morning!”
“Morning, Jam.”
“Why are you alone outside? It’s almost raining.” I shrugged. Looking up her
shoulder I saw Gerard coming to our table. He stopped for a second, looking at
me hesitantly. I nodded and he kept walking toward us.
 “So, you will go to the mall with me or not?” Jamia asked.
“No.”
“Frank?”
“It’s just that... I forgot I had a family compromise. I can’t go.” I said and
she went from happy to disappointed in just seconds. That made me angry at
myself. She was a very nice girl, but I didn’t know if I could ever share the
feeling she seemed to have.
“Hi?” Gerard said, sitting next to Jamia.
“Hi.” She said, a bit bitter I would say. I didn’t know how was the feeling of
being rejected by someone you like, because I never really liked anyone. But I
didn’t think the mood would suddenly turn to something so melancholic just
because of something like that. It didn’t make sense to me.
“Listen… Why don’t you go with Mikey?” I said and not just her but Gerard
looked at me with wided eyes.
“Who?”
“My brother.” Gerard answered in a low voice.
“Oh. No, no. I can wait you for some time. But we can still go to the ice cream
shop after class, as always?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“Great. See you later, boys.” She smiled softly and kissed my cheek, and soon
got back inside.
Gerard and I were silent for some time. But it wasn’t like our silent time in
the garden: calm, comfortable. This one was… Embarrassing. Like there was
something we should say but it would never come out.
“Why don’t you… Why don’t you just tell her you don’t like her?” He said after
some time. I looked up in surprised, not expecting that subject. He stared at
the table.
“Why would I?” I said, calmly. He took a deep breath.
“I knew you liked her. I mean...Like.”
“I don’t, I just don’t see a reason to hurt her.”
“You are hurting her not admitting what you really feel.” He whispered angrily
and for a second I felt like we weren’t talking about the same person.
“Well, she didn’t come at me and said she loves me or something!” I said with
an ironic tone. “You’re the one who started saying that.”
“She doesn’t have to say it, you idiot! She wants to be close to you. That’s
more than enough.” He said still angry.
“Maybe I wanna be close to her too. But I’m confused.” I confessed. “We are
good friends. But… You know I’m not usually friends with girls.”
“Y-You want to be close to her?!” He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know where this will take us to…”
“What If I told you that I love you?”
“What?” I looked up at him.
“ I love you Frank.” He said, way more calm now.
“Gerard, what the hell you’re talking about? Was this supposed to be funny?”
“You know, I’ve been thinking about this for some time now. I like you more
than anyone else, I want you around all the time and… I hate Jamia. So I
concluded that I love you.” He just threw those words on my face, and I was
perplexed.
“I don’t know what to say. Seriously?” I just said that to not be silent,
because I had no idea of how to react.
“I just wanted you to know.”
“So? What happens now?” Gerard laughed lowly.
“I believe this is the part where you let me know if the feeling is mutual or
not.  You know?”
No. I don’t.
I never imagined a moment like this. Gerard and I never talked about a possible
romantic relationship between us. Of course, we were used to share kisses on
the cheek or some caresses that most friends wouldn’t do to each other,
especially being men, but we weren’t just friends. We’ve been together
basically our entire lives. But –at least for me- it was all innocent, just the
curiosity of two teenagers who didn’t have courage or desire to do that to
anyone else that we didn’t know. It was another way to support each other,
supplying the basic need of love that we didn’t get from anyone else.
I just never imagined one day he’d say he loves me as more than friends. Not
with the way he hid his feelings as much as he could, and was now throwing them
on my face, for no particular reason.
“You know I’ve never had a relationship with anyone.” I said after some time
thinking. He stared at me with no emotion on his eyes, which I alredy expected.
There I was rejecting two people in less than 15 minutes. That all seemed too
surreal for me.
“Frank, we are sixteen. It’s impossible that you never at least felt in love.”
He said, a bit irritated. Again his bipolarity attacked in the wrong time.
“Not me!” I was surprised by his words “So that means youhave ever felt in
love?” I couldn’t imagine that.
“Ha Ha.” He seemed hurt for what I said. “I know it’s hard for you to believe,
but I do have a heart. I liked… You remember that girl June? From eight grade?”
“The smartest girl in class?” I gasped  “You never even looked at her!” I said,
impressed.
“Of course I did.” He rolled his eyes. “But I disguised that. I didn’t want
anyone to know and tell her or something. But when she left school, I didn’t
even think about her anymore...”
“My god!”
“You have been in love. I know it.” He smirked.
“Gerard, why you never told me that? I mean… We are friends… Men… Shit!”
“How did younever notice before?” He tried, but that didn’t work with me, not
at all. “It’s been some time since I’ve been thinking about it… But I was
afraid to say something. Mostly because you are just like me.”
“Gerard…”
“If you want to not be friends anymore, I will understand. I…” He said looking
at his own hands, but stopped speaking suddenly. I frowned as he suddenly
looked up at me again. “What the fuck am I saying? Of course I won’t accept
that. If you stay away from me, it will all be fucking ruined.”
“Gerard!”
“Frank, I’m not proud of this, okay?” he said embarrassed “I know we are men
and all that bullshit. But I think about you so much. I feel crazy. I want to
mutilate anyone that comes near you, I get angry just imagining... You, years
from now, getting married and having kids with some random girl. That’s fucking
disturbing to me. My biggest fear is to lose you.”
“If you are afraid of ‘losing me’ why are you telling me all this now?”
“What?”
“Gerard, it’s clear that things won’t be the same after this conversation.”
Chapter End Notes
     What you think?
***** Chapter 03. *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello guys. Sorry for the long wait, I didn't have energy yesterday
     when I was planning to post.
     *IMPORTANT*
     So, I have to clarify one thing to you.
     As you can see, I changed the Rating of the fic and ADDED new tags (I
     didn't delete any). The thing is, I changed the middle of the fic,
     lets say. The ending is still what I intended, but the way to get
     there is more different and interesting for me than the one I had in
     mind before.
     I want you to please read the new tags. I'm sorry if you get
     triggered by any of them, but I'm telling all this beforehand so
     nobody gets uncomfortable. Please keep in mind that I originally
     wrote this fic some years ago, I was a different person with
     different ideas and writing styles, so I felt the need to change. But
     that's unusual as I always say, I usually have more chapters alredy
     written before posting a fic.
     I didn't change anything about the last chapters, I didn't change the
     characters, nothing that you read is going to be useless, just want
     you to know that :) Even because if that happened it would turn into
     a different fanfic.
     Thanks for the kudos and comments! ♥___♥
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“Gerard, it’s clear that things won’t be the same after this conversation.”
“What you mean, Frank?” He smiled nervously.
“Now that you said that, we can’t be friends like before. Ugh… fuck.”
“Frank? I thought that...”
“Thought what? That I would say ‘oh I love you too Romeo’ and we would be
together forever?”
“Yeah, actually.” He said sarcastically.
“Gerard, things aren’t that easy! And do you think people would accept this?
Just imagi-…”
“Wait!” He interrupted me “Now you decided to care about other people’s
opinion? Who the fuck else cares about you? Look around. You only have me,
Frank! Nobody else is there for you. Nobody.”
I felt indignated and got up from the table as the school bell rang. I walked
back inside like everybody else was doing.
“Frank Iero don’t you walk away from me!” Gerard held my arm.
“I-I just, leave me alone Gerard. I need time.”
I unraveled from his arm and kept walking, not wasting time to look at his
expression, it would surely shatter my heart into a thousand pieces. Great,
there I was having stupid thoughts all because of Gerard. I went back to the
classroom, I seemed normal on the outside, but inside definitely devastated and
confused.
During classes I barely looked at Gerard. But when school was over and I saw
Jamia waiting for me to go have ice cream, I felt his eyes all over me. I
looked at him, fast enough just to confirm that. His eyes were very angry… That
was the most scaring thing about Gerard, most of his expressions were on his
eyes and they could be simply terrifying. I didn’t do anything, just got Jamia
by the hand to leave as fast as possible.
Again, that same look he had last dawn. While me and Jamia walked, all I could
think of was our conversations and the way he pinned me down to his bed. I felt
disgusted imagining what he had on his mind.
 
~~
 
It was 3 am and I stared at the ceiling, watching the light and shadows that
came from my window that was barely opened. That was the time I would to go to
the Way’s house and my body was used to be “active” in the middle of the night,
so I couldn’t get any sleep.
I lay on my other side, imagining if all of this was really my fault.
Earlier that day on the ice cream shop, Gerard and Mikey walked past me and
Jamia. Gee glared at me with such disdain that I’ve never seen before –not
tome. I missed him. But I didn’t feel love, whatever that is. Have I ever felt
in love without noticing? Well… I did like Jamia, she’s was a good company. She
speaks a lot but knows when to listen.  She listen weird bands that I never
heard of before, but listening to her was very fun. She was pretty too, but I
couldn’t really picture myself kissing her. Or anyone at all.
 
~~
 
Next day I got to school earlier, not many people were around. As I got to my
first class, I just saw Gerard sitting on the chair next to mine. That would
seem normal, but it wasn’t. The “problem” is that, let’s say, all the other
chairs were correctly lined up, except for his that was practically glued next
to mine. I thought about going to the bathroom or outside, to pass the time.
But I knew sometime I would have to confront him. Now that I was less angry and
shocked, I wasn’t sure if I wanted our friendship to end because of that. Maybe
he was just confused, after all I was the closest person to him.
I walked inside and sat on my desk. He didn’t look up at me yet. For a moment,
I thought everything was okay.
“Good morning, Frankie.”
His voice confirmed I was deadly wrong. He spoke with such fake sympathy. Shit.
What do I do?
“Hi Ger.”
I didn’t look at him, just got my notebook out of my bag. I usually wouldn’t
but I had nothing else to do. We were the only one’s there. Hell. I should have
gone to the bathroom or get some water.
“Why didn’t you go to my house yesterday?”
I kept staring at my desk, when suddenly I felt Gerard’s hand on mine. It was
warm. From the corner of his eyes I saw him looking at me. That was all
freaking creepy.
“I-I didn’t think it would be a good idea.” I saw, my voice sounded more firm
than I thought it would.
“Well, it wasn’t a good idea to notgo. Look what I did for you.” I frowned as I
turned my head to finally look at him. He put his right arm on his desk and
pulled his jacket up. Just seeing the healing cuts and scars I felt nausea.
Imagining him doing that was too painful, it must hurt like a bitch. But it
wasn’t worst then what I saw later: he had cut “Frank” in small cuts on his
arms. It seemed recent.
“The fuck is this?” I asked agitated, eyes wide. Gerard never did something
like this before, or at least I never saw it. There it was again. The power
that he knew he had over me; He knew how much his cutting habit affects me, and
if he did it like this, is because he really wanted to see me destroyed and
guilty in front of him.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t even sleep.”
“Gerard! That’s nuts. You are out of your mind. Why did you do that to your
arm? You say people don’t comply their promises, but you just broke the one you
made to me!” I said, nervous.
“I know, but I couldn’t stand it. You left me... I lost you so easily. If I did
this just one day later, imagine if...”
“Shut up! Don’t blame me for that, you are doing it as a revenge!”
“No, Frank…”
“No? Oh don’t be fucking cynical. You are acting like I’m some sort of enemy to
you. I ain’t, dammit. I liked you, Gerard. You’re the only person I have, you
said it yourself.”
“Fran…”
“And now you want to ruin it all, destroying yourself knowing very well how
much that will affect me.”
“Look…”
“I know, I know I hurted you, and I’m very sorry. Even knowing this won’t
change anything to you. But staring at me like a maniac and doing these crazy
shit to yourself won’t make me love you. Quite opposite, actually.”
He got silent and the bell rang. He seemed to want to say something but soon
people started to get in. He put his jacket sleeve back down.
I sighed, alredy feeling mentally exhausted. Gerard was being so childish. I
didn’t forget the theories that something hadhappened to him. In his voice, his
eyes… He wasn’t the same Gerard as before. How can someone change like this?
Especially for “love”. If that’s what people feel, I never want that.
“Good morning boys.”
I got out of my thoughts as Jamia passed by my chair, smiling.
“Good morning Jam.” I smiled back.
 
~~
 
As the next days passed, Gerard and I were getting away from each other even
more. He still sat by my side in most classes, but didn’t talk to me anymore in
some kind of psychological torture. I must admit –sadly- that he was very good
at that.
I thought the situation couldn’t get worse: my best friend –who’s also a boy–,
is in love with me. But this “new” Gerard just surprised me even more. His cold
looks and cuts each day deeper in his arms were like shooting straight at my
heart. He knew I was a very sensitive person. Not like those that would cry at
anything or shit like that, but I hated to see people suffer.
I was also facing another problem: I missed him too much. I saw him during
lunch, after class going back home and even in the same classroom but couldn’t
talk to him, discuss about our dreams, hear him laughing at my stupid jokes,
and that was torturing. I still liked him as my best friend; I wanted him to be
happy. I was sure this was all about friendship and caring, I didn’t want to
mislead him in order to fill my needs. I wasn’t like him, unlike he thought.
Then, in the ending of a Friday afternoon, when the sky was purple, pink and
yellow all over, I felt a sudden courage. I walked on the streets too fast, not
in the rush to see Gerard but as if someone would see how desperate I am and
felt disgusted by that. That someone,in this case, was me. I needed to run away
from the side that repudiated that I was ruining my pride and would made me
feel regret later.
I knocked on the door four times and Mikey appeared, holding the remote
control. His look was full of surprise and doubt.
“Frank. I wasn’t expecting to see you anymore. Gerard is in the living room
with me.”
“Actually, I came to see you.”
Chapter End Notes
     This one is a bit slow but it's good because things are really going
     to start in the next chapters... I don't like to rush things in any
     of my fics so you can have all the proper background :3 See you on
     the next update ♥
***** Chapter 04. *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello!
     I don't like this one very much but it's necessary so
     Thanks for the kudos/comments/bookmarks ♥
     Marry xmas :D
“Frank. I wasn’t expecting to see you around so early. Gerard is in the living
room with me.”
“Actually, I came to see you.”
He stared at me with a stupid face, as if I said that as a joke. The truth is
that I didn’t want to admit that I neededto see Gerard. I was afraid of what he
would do now that he spent time all by himself.
“See… Me?”
“Yeah. Why? Are you busy?”
“Of course not. Come in.” He smiled weakly, still apparently confused. I got in
and put my coat on the sofa. “Will you wait a minute?” He asked, alredy going
fast upstairs.
“Sure.”
I looked around and noticed that Gerard wasn’t in the living room anymore as
Mikey had said. Did he see it was me and just... Ran?
“Come up here.” Mikey called me some time later.
 
~~
 
“Can’t you turn on the lights? It’s getting dark outside alredy.” I asked,
sitting on Mikey’s bed.
“No.”
“Are you two freaking vampires?”
“Ha. Funny. Well, you made me lose a game, so just tell me what you want.”
Mikey sat by my side on his bed, staring at me with his arms crossed. That
scene was pretty funny, the way he tried to keep a straight face, but if I
laughed he wouldn’t take me serious anymore. He never had a very stable mood,
just like his older brother.
“I’m having some… Problems, you know?”
I didn’t know how to say it, so I just crossed my hands to make them stop
trembling. I wasn’t even supposed to talk to him about it in first place, I
guess. But that’s what happens when you get desperate.
“And…?”
“First, you have to promise me you won’t tell Gerard about this conversation.”
“Why do I have to promise that?”
“Just promise!”
“Fine.” He scoffed. “I promise I won’t tell Gee. Now go on.”
I took a deep breath, feeling like it was best to just go and talk to someone,
get all this out of my chest. I wanted a different point of view on this
situation, but I couldn’t do that with Jamia, so Mikey was the next closest
person to me. I thought he must love Gerard enough to not judge him for liking
me in a different way.
“Well, it’s just that, Gerard told me he loves me... More than as a friend.” I
said bluntly.
“Thank god.”
“What?” I frowned as he didn’t even change his facial expression when I said
that.
“I know that since years ago. He talked to me about it, asking advice on to how
tell you, but that just happened once. Well, he didn’t say it was you but it
was very clear since you are basically glued to each other. Or were,at least.
I’m glad that loser finally got courage. Maybe like this he will be less
repressed and stop keeping everything to himself.”
“B-But…”
“Well, if you are talking to meabout it now, I believe you didn’t… Work that
out very well. Am I wrong?”
“No.” I sighed sadly.
“What do you feel for him?”
That was a very simple question to me. I never loved anyone, not besides my
parents but I don’t think that counts. I never felt in love.Of course, I’ve
felt attracted to some girls, but never kissed any of them. Thinking about it
now, I remembered one time when Gerard and I were around twelve years old, he
tried to kiss me on the lips, but I didn’t let him. We didn’t talk for four
days. I think that collaborated to his fear of being rejected in case he told
me, as Mikey said.
“He’s a great friend, the best I could ask for. Even though he can be hard to
deal with, I like being around him... His presence, the way we always helped
each other, how he laughs loudly of my totally unfunny jokes. It was the
perfect friendship. We understood each other like nobody else.” I said “But I
don’t feel… Passion, or whatever. I can’t imagine us as a couple, that’s it.
That's a very weird image for me.”
“I see…” He said, thoughtful. “But why don’t you try at least? You have nothing
to lose, and it's normal that you can't imagine that since it's a new thing.
Maybe having him in a different way, you’d feel something else.”
“I don’t really share that thought. Not at all.”
“Boy, are you assexuated?” He said annoyed.
“What? No... Of course not.”
“Look Frank, this is the kind of thing you should tell Gerard!”
“I did! But look what I got. He doesn’t even look at me... And when he does,
it’s an angry look!” I said “I just wanted things to be like before… I feel so
alone.”
“Hah. That’s because you didn’t see how he really is.” He made a weird
expression, as if he remembered of a strange scene or something “When he gets
home, he stays locked in the room the whole day. Doesn’t even let me in
sometimes! He doesn’t go to the garden anymore… The only reason he left is
because you arrived!”
“I want to see him… but at the same time I don’t. I’m afraid to say something
and ruin it all even more. He doesn’t seem to be very talkative now either.”
“I know. Well, we are two emotionally fucked people, my friend.”
“We are?” I laughed sarcastically.
“Oh trust me, living with Gerard I have way more problems than you do.” He says
and I frowned.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I knew Gerard wasn’t exactly the easiest
person to please, always very demanding and all but not to the point of being a
big problem. Basically he was like a spoiled little kid who wanted the world to
adapt to him, not the other way around.
“I’ve seensome things… I won’t tell you anything yet since I’m not sure, but my
brother is up to something. I just know it. He’s never dedicated to stuff, you
know that. But now…He's acting weird.”
“Stuff?” I was still feeling lost in the conversation. Mikey rolled his eyes.
“Just, nevermind. You should go now, he’s probably smoking outside waiting for
you to go back home.” I felt hurt by his words but I didn’t show it, just kept
a straight face.
“Fine. Thanks for listening.” I got up at left the room.
 
 
~~
 
My feelings were a mix of surprise and sadness as Gerard sat far away from me
in the class next day. He never did that before, he likedto be around me. Now I
felt like I was just like anyone else to him, just a part of the scenario. The
thing is I wasn’t sure if he was acting like that because he felt hurt by my
words and rejection or if he just had moved on. That seemed unacceptable to me;
Not because I thought I was irreplaceable, but I felt like he would push me
more, as he always did when he wanted something.
But not this time. In fact, he didn’t even look at me –not even to give me that
deathly glare. He spent the whole time on his stupid phone that looked like a
silver brick. I found that verystrange. Gerard wasn’t that into phones and
technology. But he was frantically pressing the buttons, writing. Is he texting
someone? –I thought. That moment I understood what Mikey meant. Gerard really
was up to something.
 
~~
 
I didn’t interfere in Gerard’s texting or his attitude of ignoring the world
around him the whole day. Even when he walked out of the class to wait for
Mikey outside, he didn’t take his eyes of the phone. I think I even saw him
smilingfor a moment. That couldn’t be right. He rarely smiled at anyone else
but me. I wasn’t jealous, just more and more curious.
It was easy to stand near him since he wasn’t noticing anyone else. Mikey got
him by his arm to make him start walking, but he looked at me and nodded before
leaving with his brother. The way brothers are strange… Very strange.
I was home around 6 pm, bored and hungry, listening to music on my computer
when I got a message from Mikey on ICQ.
-Hey Frank. You gonna be free tonight?
I never go out on a Friday night so I rolled my eyes, even knowing he couldn’t
see it and typed:
-Yes. Why?
-Let’s just say that Gerard doesn’t know how to delete his browser history.
I frowned. Mikey basically never lets Gerard use his computer, especially since
he mostly used it to watch porn. If he did use it, it was probably hidden. But
why would he want that? Every time he wanted to research some image or
something he would ask Mikey to do it for him. But I had forgotten that Gerard
wasn’t the same as before.
-Cut the mysterious part Mikey.
-He is going to meet someone tonight. Though you’d want to know.
I gasped surprising myself from my reaction; maybe I shouldn’t care. But I was
still too shocked. Gerard himself said he hated to go out. He doesn’t talk to
anyone else besides internet friends, but he never shared personal information
such as where he lives and things like that. He liked privacy.
-No way. Who?
-I don’t know. Both of them were using fake accounts. Could be anyone. I just
hope it’s not a serial killer or a rapist at least. Gerard is so stupid man.
Fake account? Why would Gerard do that? –I thought.
-Where are they going to meet?
-“Connexions Club”. I looked it up and seems to be a gay club.
Then it hit me. Gerard was looking for a hook up on the fucking internet? That
made even less sense.
-Where is it?
As I sent that message I got up to get my jacket and my shoes.
-202 Myrtle Avenue, Boonton. He’s probably going to take a bus.
-Where is him now?
-I don’t know, probably went out to smoke since mom is here.
Smoke? How stupid could Mikey be? Gerard probably alredy left.
-Well are you going?
-No, I don’t care about what he does with his dick. Just thought I should let
you know that apparently he’s moving on. Maybe tomorrow you could talk to him,
be friends again. That way he will stay the fuck away from my PC and we can all
go back to our lives.
Moving on? This wasn’t likely of Gerard at all. He wouldn’t meet a stranger
like this, especially in a club… A gay club. Right after saying he loved me?
Part of me felt betrayed. As I alredy suspected that wasn’t love he felt for
me… But why would he do that? Did he get tired of me? And all of this was just
to end our friendship in a way that I would be the guilty one and he would be
the victim? That pissed me off. I hadto meet him and see it with my own eyes.
-Where do I get the bus to Boonton Mikey?
***** Chapter 05. *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello guys, happy new year, hope you had a good time.
     I may not be able to post the chapters that soon in both fics but I
     will! Promise
     I always take more time writing this fic because I have to be very
     careful, especially with the new things I added =)
     Hope you enjoy this big chapter
     :*
I didn’t care to leave a note for my mom when I left home in that cold night. I
knew she would be too tired from work and would surely wake up late, and I was
confident that I would come back in time to get some sleep.
When I was alredy in the bus I started to feel a bit afraid that I wouldn’t be
able to find Gerard in that place. What would I do then? Well at least I had
money to get the bus back, the money that mom used to give me every day for
lunch. I never really ate, just kept it. Sometimes I felt bad for it but other
kids get allowance from their parents, which I never got, so it didn’t feel too
unfair to me.
After an hour I got in Boonton; while other people were leaving the bus, I got
the piece of paper from my jacket where I wrote the address Mikey gave me. I
looked up and the bus was alredy empty. I got down and looked around, seeing a
gas station near there. I didn’t think twice, just went there and asked for a
man around his forties that worked there.
He looked at me with a cheeky smile.
“So, looking for Connexions, huh? Don’t you think you are too young to decide
those things, boy? You should be home with your parents.” I took a deep breath,
irritated.
“Do you know where it is or not?”
“Of course” He rolled his eyes “Kids like youcome around all the time asking
about that place.” He spoke in disgust “Just go forward on that street” He
pointed “Until you see a line. It has a pink neon thing on the front.”
“Thanks.” I said, not friendly at all and started to walk. I heard him saying
something like “stupid faggot” but he wasn’t my focus tonight, so I just kept
walking with my hands in my pockets.
After walking for fifteen minutes I started to think that asshole was messing
with me and I was lost. I groaned but kept walking, I had to make sure; I
walked for more ten minutes and was able to sigh in relief as I saw a gay
couple going the same way as me. The man was right; there was a long line
there. It would take some time, I guess. But it would be priceless to see
Gerard Way in a fucking dance club.
 
~~
 
I was able to get in after twenty minutes; I did have to give half of my money
to be able to get in being underage, even being easier than I thought. I felt
angry for having to do that; if Gerard wasn’t there I would destroy the whole
place.
As I got in, it wasn’t as agitated as I expected from the number of people
outisde. It was actually way more organized than I thought it would be, for a
club. Well, I never really went to one before to know how they were.
I decided to not call much attention, so I just sat on a sofa near the wall
that didn’t get much of the colorful lights; I felt uncomfortable seeing so
many people having fun with each other and making out. I was totally out of
place there. I waited for about ten minutes, looking to the door, and didn’t
see Gerard yet. Maybe I was right and Mikey was wrong after all; Gerard
probably had left before me so he should be there alredy.
I sighed getting out of my comfort zone, kinda regretting going to that place.
Maybe he really had moved on, after all he changed a lot in the last months.
Maybe he got bored of always just being with me and he missed being with other
people. He probably told me he loved me to try to get more affectionate and
when he realized I wouldn’t, he left. That thought hurted me even more. I hated
to think of him turning into someone so superficial.
I had given up and was about to leave when I looked at the bar fast and saw
Gerard pouring a bottle of Jack Daniels in two cups. He was sitting there and
he gave one cup to the guy who was sitting next to him. Gerard laughed. He
fucking laughed to the guy and drank. He didn’t even use to drink before! I got
pissed and wanted to leave but I also felt the need to see it closer. I
couldn’t believe Gerard turned into someone else like this.It was insane for
me.
When finally I got out of the crowd that hided part of my vision I saw them
better. But the guy… That motherfucker looked just likeme.
I felt stupid standing there just blinking at the scene. I couldn’t believe
that. Did Gerard choosethat guy by accident or purposely as if I were a fucking
fetish?
Gerard had his hand around the boy’s neck, alternating between caressing his
hair and face. The only big difference is that the boy had a piercing on his
lip and another one on his nose. But everything else was too similar to me.
Black hair in a mohawk with a fringe over his green eyes; Pale skin, small
nose, rose lips, short, not too fat and not too skinny. He wore all black just
like Gerard. And just like me.
I felt the anger all over my body, especially on my face that probably wasn’t
looking very friendly considering the curious looks other boys and girls gave
me as they passed by me to get in the crowd.
He wasn’t talking to me anymore, he was ignoring my existence and giving it all
to a strangerjust because he had a similar appearance to mine.
I really, really wanted to go there and throw all my feelings and thoughts on
his face, all my anger… Nut I didn’t. I took a deep breath and left the club. I
knew I couldn’t cause any disturb, now I just had money to go back home and I
had spent too much time alredy, I had to be home before the sun comes up. I
surprised myself again with tears as I lay my head on the bus window. I wasn’t
sure for whatI was crying. There was just too many things.
 
~~
 
I woke up to the sound of knocks on my bedroom door;
“Frank! Frankie, wake up. Jesus, boy, it is almost 5 pm alredy. You can’t sleep
the whole day.” My mom kept saying as she knocked harder. “Open the door! Mikey
Way is on the phone, he wants to talk to you.”
I groaned as I finally opened my eyes and the sun hit on my face through the
curtains. I got up and yawned, putting on my sweatpants and getting downstairs.
“What you want?” It was clear in my voice that I had just woke up and wasn’t
happy at all, memories of last night getting all over my head again.
“Good morning to you too, Frank.”Mikey laughed sarcastically “So, did you
really go after Gerard yesterday?”
“Yeah. But we didn’t talk, I decided to leave because I was tired.”I lied.
“What the hell? Well, will you believe me if I say he’s with a guy here?”He
emphasized the word “here”, laughing.
“So? Why do I care?”Unfortunately I did. I got angry thinking he was sharing
his time, thoughts and art with someone else. A stranger.
“Dude, he got home drunk and with a guy. Seriously, what the fuck got into
Gerard? Can you imagine my mom’s face?”He laughed “She didn’t let them get in
though, of course. Let me tell you, Gerard fighting while he’s drunk is the
best thing ever. I wish I could record it but I didn’t find our camera.”
“Is that all Mikey? I was sleeping, you know.”
“Jesus, what time did you get back? He got here around 8 am. Well. They are in
the basement right now but our parents don’t know that I let them in…And by the
door I heard some…Noises. You know what I mean?”
“I thought you said you don’t care about what he does with his dick”I said
sarcastically.
“I don’t, but you should. You are his best friend, his dick matters I guess.”
“Correction, I WAS his best friend. Good things come to an end. Now I have to
go.”I knew he would keep arguing and bothering me so I didn’t wait for an
answer as I turned off the phone. There it was, another ruined day by Gerard
Way.
 
~~
 
It was about 8 pm when I got back home with my mom; I helped her with the
groceries and went to the living room to watch Freaks and Geeks, my favorite TV
show. I was relaxing on the couch until the phone rang. I groaned.
“Hello?”
“Hi Frankie. Glad you picked it up”It was Gerard. Ugh.
“What do you want Gee?”
“Frank”He sobbed “I… I want to cut myself? What do I do?”I frowned.
“What’s going on?”
“I-I’m in the basement and I found herold paintings… I feel so bad… I thought
mom had sent them away… S-She lied to me, Frank. It’s all here… It’s so
beautiful, more than I could remember…”I sighed sadly.
“Please don’t do anything. Just go upstairs and talk to Mikey.”
“I-I can’t… Only you know how to calm me when I get like that… Please… I know I
was a bad friend. But I need you now.” It wasn’t possible… Part of me screamed:
He’s manipulating you again, asshole. But the other part was the dominating one
and it screamed that I had to run there and take care of him as a good friend
that spent all his life supporting him in moments like this. Gerard’s parents
always thought he was overreacting about being so affected for Helena’s death
after so many years. They thought he had to just move on, like the whole family
did. But he just wouldn’t, and at that time I thought it was expected since he
was closer to her in the last years of her life. “F-Frankie? Are you there? I’m
running out of battery.”I sighed.
“Calm down. I’m on my way.”
 
~~
 
It was raining but I still went running to the Way’s house; I didn’t go through
the front door, knowing Mikey would make questions and comments about last
night. I took the confidence to just jump the fence and enter through the
backdoor, using the key that was hidden under the flower vase as it’s been all
these years; luckily as I got in, nobody was around to be seen and all the
lights –at least downstairs- were off. I didn’t know if it was a problem with
the energy or if they were upstairs, but I decided to not overthink and just go
to the basement door.
I had to keep the door opened to be able to see the stairs to get down; I took
some time to be careful, I couldn’t remember the last time I went there. As I
looked around I heard some sobs. Ugh, Gerard is probably crying like he was on
the phone –I thought.
The basement was dark but the windows helped me see in the middle of the
infinite number of boxes, old bicycles, a washing machine and finally lots of
paintings that probably belonged to Helena. I kept walking in the direction of
the sound, and when I turned my head to the right I saw that, in the corner of
the basement, Gerard was sitting on some boxes. With his right hand he tried
–miserably- to hold the brick wall for support, and his right hand was on… Is
that hair?
***** Chapter 06. *****
Chapter Notes
     hi
No, I wasn’t wrong at all: Gerard’s hand was gripping tight on some boy’s hair
–the one Mikey told me about on the phone- as he sucked Gerard off. I just
stand there shocked, with no idea of what to do. Some minutes ago Gerard had
called me crying,begging for help. Now he was just sitting there with his eyes
shut and mouth opened leaving some gasps and moans out as a guy moved his head
up and down on his crotch.
I felt furious. It was raining and I had given up all my pride to go there and
help him, but he was mocking me. This time, I couldn’t help it. I knew the
Way’s were probably upstairs but I wouldn’t control myself this time.
“Gerard, what the fuck is this?” I said angrily, stepping out of the shadows
and walking to them. The Strange Boy looked back up, with eyes wide and mouth
shiny. That’s when I noticed it was really the same boy Gerard was with in the
club. Probably the one he talked to on the internet. When I looked up at
Gerard, he had a surprised face as he zipped his pants up. It was fake.
“F-Frank, I thought you’d wait for the rain to pass.” He said and looked down
at the boy and up to me again. The Strange Boy got up on his feet, he was
really about my height and that made me even angrier.
“W-Who’s him Gee?” The Strange Boy said, looking at me with curiosity. Well, it
was expected, after all he was probably thinking Ilooked like him, not the
other way around. But I do have to say, that’s was my secondthought. The first
one was: Gee?
“You call me asking for help a-and when I get here…” I said, getting really
furious and lost in my words, I could feel angry tears on my eyes. I took a
deep breath “This is all part of your little game, isn’t it Gerard? You just
want to destroy me.”
He frowned.
“Wait a minute, you rejected me. So I can’t move on and meet other people? You
wanted me to fucking crawl after you, didn’t you Frank?” He smiles
sarcastically.
“What? Why would I want that? You were my best friend my whole life and I just
wanted to keep things that way.” I sobbed.
“Gerard?” The Strange Boy kept looking to me and Gerard at the same time, as if
he expected that we would jump on each other at any minute.
“You didn’t even really thought about hurting yourself, did you?” I said and he
arched one eyebrow at me “How stupid do you think I am? I saw you yesterday at
that club, Gerard. I knowthat you aren’t being your usual self. What I want to
know is why the fuck are you doing all this? What are you trying to achieve?”
“What? You were stalking us?” The Strange Boy gasped. I rolled my eyes.
“Gerard, I thought you said nobody knew that we...”
“Really, Gerard? You wanna say you are trying to move on? This fucking bitch
looks just like me, for God’s sake!”
“Hey, fuck you!”
“You surely didn’t find him by accident” I said and Gerard gave me a sided
smile, confirming what I alredy knew.
“You’re right, I didn’t. But since you were treating me like shit I needed a
substitutefor you.” Not only me but the Strange Boy didn’t seem very happy with
that. “You keep thinking I don’t have a heart Frank… I have needs too. It
wasn’t easy at all but I managed to find Evan on a gothic online community. I
figured it would be easier to find a boy like youthere.”
“What?” Strange Boy –or should I say now, Evan- gasped. He tried to leave but
Gerard got up from the box fast and held the boy’s arm.
“No no no, you’re not going anywhere yet baby. The fun is just about to begin
now.” He laughed in a very malicious way that I’ve never heard from him before;
Gerard’s laugh was usually loud and snorted, like the little kid that I knew he
has always been. But thatone was different. There was something to be read
there.
“Gerard, I work tonight at the store, I told you earlier. Let go of me!” Evan
pleaded, trying to lose Gerard’s grip, but he was not just taller, he was
stronger. I watched the scene unsure of what to do. Part of me wanted to tell
them to go fuck themselves and go back home, never come back again. But one
more time, the stupid dominating part hadto know what this was all about. I
needed answers. I didn’t want our story to end like that. We’ve been together
forever and I didn’t imagine a life without my best friend. We’ve been through
fights before.  Why would it be different now? What changed so suddenly?
“You’ll stay.” He said with a serious look on his face. I was used to it but
not in that context. I’ve never seen Gerard harassing someone. “Sit.” He said
between his teeth and the boy let out a sob but obeyed. I wondered why he
didn’t keep trying to fight back. Gerard glared at me and turned around,
looking for something on the top of the boxes.
“No fucking fun is about to happen, unless by fun you mean my fist on your
face.” I said and he turned around laughing sarcastically.
“Don’t be stupid, Frankie. You hurt me much more effectively with words than
with your small hands. Now, I need to go upstairs to get something. You two
wait me here.” I was used to Gerard trying to order me around sometimes, being
the spoiled prick he has always been. But after all this? It had to be some
kind of joke. I got instantly angry.
“You can’t tell me what to do” I smiled sarcastically and crossed my arms. Evan
just stayed on the floor, quiet and looking down. This boy has problems, for
sure. Letting himself be used like that. He had as much reason to be angry at
Gerard as I did.
“Well, you’ll get used to it.” He smiled back and got upstairs. I followed
right after him, of course. I wouldn’t just staythere. He was too different,
nothing familiar was expected at that time. But as he got out and I tried to
follow, I was surprised that he suddenly turned around fast and I received a
punchin my eye. A fucking punch.He never ever laid his hand on me like this.
With the shock I stumbled some stairs down, falling in shadows as the door
closed and all I could hear was the sound of him locking it.
Evan ran to me and helped me go all the way downstairs and back where we were
on the floor, putting me to sit where he was.
“Oh god… Does it hurt too bad? Are you okay?” He asked, worried. I felt a bit
guilty of being an asshole to him. Gerard was the one behind all this stupidity
after all, not him. He probably thought he was going to meet a nice guy who was
interested in him, he probably never imagined he would meet me.
“Y-Yeah… Fuck. Is it bleeding?” Just like I always hated to see people suffer,
I wasn’t different about mesuffering. The idea of my blood getting anywhere out
of my body terrified me.
“Well, your eye is getting pretty red but…”
“Fuck.” I laid my head back on the wall, breathing hard. Gerard was fucking
crazy to hit me and I wasn’t going to hesitate to tell all this to his parents
after I managed to get upstairs.
“Hey! Hey! Don’t fall asleep, please. I don’t wanna be alone here” Evan said,
poking my side. But I couldn’t help it, I just felt my eyes closing slowly as I
fell into a sleep.
***** Chapter 07. *****
Chapter Notes
     hi
     it's been a long time but the chapter is big. ^^
     Sorry I'm slow on the updates, I said I wouldn't, it's just that I'm
     going through a bad time and don't feel like writing because it would
     affect the stories in a bad way, I really don't want to disappoint
     you, even if I take a long time I won't abandon my fanfics
     enjoy
I woke up feeling my eye very sore but I could feel that it was covered with
something warm and wet, forcing me to see just with my right eye. I looked up
and saw the light was now turned on, making me realize I was still in the
basement. I tried to get up but I couldn’t, I was tied up to the kitchen’s
chair. I looked around and noticed that the windows were now covered in some
kind of black plastic, I was unable to see outside, which made me wonder how
much time I slept.
“Ger…Gerard” I coughed, my throat was dry.
“Shh! If someone hears you we are fucked.” I heard a voice behind me. Behind?
“Evan? Where are you?”
“I’m also tied up to a chair right behind you. Don’t scream, okay? Trust me,
you don’t wanna make that mistake.” He said and I frowned, trying to look back
but I couldn’t really see him.
“What you mean someonewill listen?” Just as I spoke, the door was opened. I
felt relieved, it was probably Mikey or his parents. But when I looked to the
stairs, it was Gerard. Ugh. “Gerard, have you lost your mind? Untie me, you
piece of…”
“I knew I should have taped your mouth alredy.” He rolled his eyes, getting in
front of me, with a cup of water. “Now drink.” He put it near my mouth but I
closed it tighly. “Frank, don’t start.”
“Are you serious? What makes you think I’m gonna drink that shit? You probably
put poison in it.”
“Jesus Frank” He sighed “It is water. If there was anything in it you would
see. Now fucking drink before I lose my patient.” He said and I gave up and let
him put it in my mouth. I was too thirsty to deny it.
“Good” He smiled.
“Gerard, please. Untie me. I wanna go home. This is not funny anymore.” I said,
feeling water drops fall on my chin as he took the cup away.
“It’s not a joke Frank.” He said with a frown, as if he was offended by my
words. “I really hate that things haveto be like this. But I want you to never
forget that I triedto be friendly about it. I made you a declaration of love, I
tried to make you be closer to me in the nicest way possible. But you denied
it. So accept myway now.” 
“Fuck you! I don’t have to love you, which is good because I never will. You
are a selfish fucked up piece of shit” I said angrily and he sighed.
“Your words can’t hurt me anymore. I turned them into something else.” He
smiled showing his teeth.
“You sound fucking sick. Don’t you see it?” I said “Fucking lookat yourself,
compare before and now Gerard. We were so… You fucking hit me! Fucking punched
me in the face. Who are you? Mybest friend would never do that, ever. We would
always protecteach other, never hurt.”
“You should've think about it before. Well, now I’m going to talk to my parents
and get some rest, I’m tired. I’ll be back soon.” He said and turned around to
get something on top of a box “Oh, and just to prevent…” He took a tape and
walked behind me, to Evan. I could see his shadow on the floor as he rolled the
tap on the boy’s mouth. I could hear him struggling and that hurted me, the
feeling of being impotent. He walked in front of me again.
“Gerard, wait!” He was about to put the tape on me but stopped and stared at me
“Don’t you see that thisis how you’re going to ruin everything, as you said?
When your parents and Mikey find out, man you are…”
“Relax Frankie” He laughed “How stupid do you think I am? They won’t be around
for some time, don’t worry. We’ll have enough time to deal with all this.” I
couldn’t say anything else as he put the tape on me.
 
~~
 
I felt stupid as I woke up again. Of course the asshole had put something in my
water to make me fall sleep, he wouldn’t go to bed and let me awake. I was
thankful it wasn’t poisonous –but then I thought that’s what he wanted. To make
me scared, crying at his feet. Small. He wanted to make me wait and watch me
suffer, killing me would just make it all easy for me. Then it hit me… Killing
me. It got clear to me that Gerard was going to kill me, it was the only
explanation. He said his parents and brother wouldn’t be around for some time,
he seemed secure of that. He was secured that whatever he did would be finished
by the time they got back. That made my stomach twist.
“E-Evan?” I tried to say but it came out muffled through the tape.
I didn’t get any answer. I groaned, leaning my head back on the chair. I was
physically tired and I was wondering if my mom noticed my absence. She was used
to me staying most of my time in the Way’s and that made my hopes of being
found even smaller. I felt pure angriness thinking I would have to just stay
there to Gerard’s mercy.
It felt like hours until the basement door was opened again. I looked up fast
with hopeful eyes. It was Gerard again, with a disappointed look on his face.
“Okay Frank, we can do this the easy or the hard way.” He said getting in front
of me. “Evan had the hard one, but you are the betterone so you should be
smarter and just do what I say, yeah?” He said and put his arms around me. My
body stiffened in shock, but then he puts his hands on the knot to untie me and
then got on his knees to untie my legs. I felt relief since they were hurting
too much alredy, but my hands were still tighly tied. “So, the whole house is
locked and I got the keys hidden, there is no point trying to run, okay? I
don’t even have the keys on me now.” He said looking up at me and I nodded.
There was nothing I could think of doing, I never imagined myself in a
situation like this. He was taller and stronger than me, that was confirmed
pretty well last day, I couldn’t just try to attack him, especially with tied
hands. And I was sure he wasn’t stupid enough to leave a knife lying around or
something, not that I would have the guts to useit.
He held my neck as he guided me upstairs to the kitchen. My eyes hurted a lot
from the strong sunshine that came through the windows. He pushed me to sit on
the chair and I saw the plate of alredy cut meat and baked potatoes. My eyes
grew bigger and I felt agony as I wanted to eat but my mouth was still taped.
“Evan, you can come now.” Gerard called out and Evan came from the living room;
I gasped as I saw his black eye. Just then I understood what Gerard meant by
the harder way. The boy looked down the whole time and just stood there in
front of Gerard. I felt like I was in a freaking horror movie, there was such
tension in that place that once was a home for me. I felt pain as the tape was
quickly removed from my mouth. I let out a scream of pain. “Feed him, Evan.”
Evan nodded and sat by my side, getting the fork with his trembling hands and
putting on my mouth. He wouldn’t look at me but mostly at Gerard, scared, as if
he expected his approval.
“Faster, Jesus. He’s not a baby, he can eat more.” Gerard complained and the
boy shivered as he started to get more food with the fork. I didn’t even notice
I was crying until I felt my salty tears mixing with the food. The worst part
wasn’t just the humiliation but not being able to do anythingagainst it.
When we finished, Gerard put a new tape on my mouth and got me by the arm,
shoving me back to the basement and locking the door. He didn’t even say a word
or looked at me. I laid my head on the door and heard the slickness of kissing
noises. Then it finally clicked to me: Why the hell was I tied up and with a
tape while Evan was free?
 
~~
 
I was sleeping on the floor when I heard the door being shut down; I woke up
fast and looked up to see Gerard. He pushed the chair Evan was tied to before
and put it in front of me. He took the tape off my mouth, making me grown as he
sat down.
“We need to get some things straight. You know Frank, I wasn’t lying to you” He
sighed “I really was thinking about cutting myself. Do you think I’m proud of
what I’m doing right now? It kills me inside that thisis the only way that I
could ever have you with me.” He bit down his lip, he seemed to be holding back
tears. That made me really angry; He was playing the victim when I was the one
tied up on that cold dirty floor.
“You haveto let me go, Gerard” I said, my voice sounding raspy as I spoke as
calm as possible. I knew if I started screaming at him he would just shut my
mouth again, and I feared how long he would keep me that way. “Look, in
consideration for the friendship we had all this years, I swear I won’t tell
anyone anything. I don’t want you to go to jail. That is not your place. You
need help.”
“I do trust you Frank” He sounded very sincere and I was surprised by his
words; I expected him to think I was lying or something –which I really was. He
was my friend once but it doesn’t make all this less of a crime. “But I know
that means we will surely never see each other again. No matter what happen, I
know things will never be the same between us like before. Well, for me that’s
not new. You said yourself that ‘we can’t be friends like before’ when I told
you I liked you.”
“Gerard, look at me right now” I sobbed, feeling pathetic. But I had to use all
the resource I had to get out of this situation. I knew that physically I
couldn’t fight back Gerard, however I always dealt with him in the emotional
way. I knew nothing affected him more than words, he said that himself and I
knew it wasn’t a lie. “Is this how you show your love for me? Throwing me
around, tying me up and leaving me on the cold floor as you make out with my
clone?”
“W-What? How… How do you…” He looked very shocked as I said that, which
confused me. He alredy knew that I was aware he had something going on with
Evan. “Frank, that was before. In fact if I had thisidea before I wouldn’t even
go look for someone else. But to be honest, I really didn’t think you’d come
back to my house. I called you in desperation.”
“What you mean? I came here on Friday to talk to Mikey. He said you two were
playing videogames and you left because of me.”
“What? No, I didn’t even see you.” Gerard said with a frown. “Well, I did leave
sometime to answer my phone, I didn’t want Mikey to know about Evan. Why did
you come to talk to my brother? You hate each other.”
“No, we don’t! I had to talk to someone about you, and he is the closest person
to the both of us.”
“What did he tell you Frank?” Gerard said with a very suspicious look on his
face. That time I started wondering if I said too much.
“That you’ve been liking me for years. Unlike you said.”
“I said some time.”
“Gerard, we are just teenagers. We’re still in high school... You’ll have so
many years to meet new people, you have to move on so both of us can live!”
“I did! You're the one who came back.”
“Yeah right” I took a deep breath, angrily “If you really are with Evan why the
hell you keep me here then? Let me go and do whatever you want with him, I
don’t give a shit.”
“That’s the thing Frank...” He sighed “Why would I have just one of you when
now I can have two?”
***** Chapter 08. *****
Chapter Notes
     Hey!
     Sorry for the long wait, I was travelling (wasn't planned) and had no
     internet or phone this week
     Thanks for the support
I felt stupid and guilty as I laid my head on the wall and just watched the
yellow light bulb; I was growing tired of all his, exhausted. Just thinking
that Iput myself in this situation made me want to hit myself. If I wasn’t weak
I would say no to Gerard and stay home, he would do whatever he wanted with
Evan and we would move on somehow. But to be honest, that didn’t seem very
realistic either, considering that Gerard said things would never be the same
between us; But surely not in the way that I say for the first time, which was
about our more affectionate moments.
Now, this was a whole new level.
I never imagined myself in a situation like this, and at that time it still
wasn’t very clear whyGerard was doing all that. Not about me,but what made him
have the impulse to do that. Risk all his life and mine to this. He saw me as
an object. He saw Evan as an object. That meant he wouldn’t think twice before
doing anything to us. Sometimes I would cry in fear, lowly so nobody would
listen. I spent most of my time thinking what would be his intentions, how he
would put an end to this. Sometimes I even wondered if it would have an end. I
wasn’t able to read him like before. I didn’t know that new Gerard.
“H-Hi Frank. It’s time for lunch.” I looked up from the floor and saw Evan,
smiling and holding a plate of lasagna on his hands. This time though, he had a
spoon. I frowned “Oh, uhm, Gerard told me to not let anything sharp around you
while we're alone.” I rolled my eyes, but inside I felt kinda shocked. It’s
like that boy didn’t understand that weare victims and Gerard is the one
controlling us
“Am I really the person you should fear the most in this house?” I said as he
took the tape off my mouth. He sighed and sat down in front of me.
“Please don’t make this harder. All you have to do is take a shower and sleep
on the floor. You don’t know what I’vebeen through.” He said and started to
feed me. I wasn’t ashamed anymore, just hungry, and the climate felt less heavy
without Gerard around anyway. Then it hit me again, Evan was free. Still, there
he was.
“Why he doesn’t tie you up anymore? Why does he let you outside of the
basement?” I said feeling angry. He looked at me confused. “You could run away,
why the fuck are you here?”
“Frank, you don’t understand” He put the plate down on his lap “Things are not
that easy. My relationship with Gerard is not like you have with him. Or anyone
else at all.”
“What the fuck you mean?”
“L-Look, I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? I don’t want to get both of us in
more trouble. The less you know, the safer you are. Now just eat please?” He
said, getting food on the spoon and looking up at me with pleading eyes. I
sighed but opened my mouth to eat.
I got way more confused, especially because I didn’t know what kind of
relationship he thought Gerard and I had. He just know me based on the things
Gerard told him, and that didn’t make me feel any better.
After about ten minutes we were finishing and the door was opened; Gerard got
downstairs and walked to us, with a satisfied smile. That disgusted me. It was
like we were his fucking pets.
“Is it good? Well, I hope so. It’s the best frozen food I could find in the
grocery store.”
“Gerard, I… I need to pee.” I said looking up at him and this surely was very
humiliating, but it was necessary. I had to try something. Just try.
“Y-You want me to bring him a bucket?” Evan said looking back up at Gerard,
still sat in front of me. Gerard stared at him.
“A bucket?” He laughed “Are you kidding me? Just… Shut up Evan. I didn’t ask
anything yet.” The boy just nodded and looked back to his lap. He didn’t even
seem sad. I felt indignated but I didn’t say anything. “Get up, Frank. I’ll
take you.”
He got me up by my arm and dragged me upstairs, I heard Evan coming up with us.
It felt great to be outside of that basement again. I took the chance to look
outside and it was a grey day, with a thin rain falling. When we got to the
bathroom upstairs, Gerard pushed me inside and closed the door behind us. I
just stand there and looked back at him.
“So… Peeing, you know? I have to.”
“I know. That’s why we’re here.” He said with no emotion at all and just stared
at me; I sighed nervously.
“Really, Gerard? You gonna treat me like that now? Allthis I’m going through
because of your selfish, dirty thoughts isn’t enough?” I said angrily and he
crossed his arms.
“You better do it now, because I won’t keep bringing you up. Enjoy this moment
or do it in your pants later. Your choice.” He smiled sarcastically and I
groaned, turning to the toilet and pulling my pants and underwear down just
enough to be able to do it, but also being careful to not let Gerard see much.
It was harder than usual with the audience.
As I pulled my pants back up and turned back at him, suddenly this stupid idea
hit me. Gerard frowned as I just looked up and down at him; I turned to my side
fast and kicked his groin. He fell to the floor instantly, groaning in pain. I
felt such adrenaline that made me take some time to open the door with the key
that I got from his hands; my hands couldn’t stop trembling in anxiety. All I
could think was that I was going to leave, finally. As I opened the door and
tried to leave, he took a hold of my feet. I kicked back and hit the back of
his head, running outside.
“Come back here!”
I ran to his room, completely lost in what to do. It was a big mess and my eyes
wided as I saw a pair of handcuffs on his bed and a knife on the nightstand. I
felt my body get cold. Until then, Gerard didn’t use any kind of weapon to keep
us there. But it was really scary to think he would ever have the guts to use
that. I hoped it was just to scare us. I looked around, desperate, then I saw
Mikey’s skateboard next to his computer desk. It would be perfect to break the
living room window downstairs, the biggest one I could remember at that time.
As I was ready to get the skate and go back to the hallway, I heard the door
being shut. I turned back, afraid that it was Gerard. But no, it wasn’t.
“Fuck, thank god it’s you Evan. He’s down, it’s our chance to get out of here”
I said and ran to the door but he just took a step back against it. I frowned
“What are you doing? We’re wasting time.”
“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Frank” He sighed, sadly. “I’m very sorry.”
“Okay, I don’t know what the fuck is your problem, but that’s not my business.
You want to be treated like his dog, go on. I don’t have to.” I said pushing
him aside, and got surprised as before I could open the door he got a grip on
my hair, making me groan in pain. He pushed me to the floor and got on top of
me to hold me down.
“Please stop, please.” He kept whispering and I could hear steps on the
hallway. My eyes wided.
“Evan, you have to let me go now. He’s coming.” I said and he just kept
repeating for me to stop. That got me furious “Evan! Stop this shit! Let go of
me” I didn’t want to reallyhurt him until then, but I had to think about me
there since he wasn’t able to do that for himself, so I hit my head against his
and struggled to get back on my feet, which was hard with hands tied.
Unfortunaly, before I could even open the door, Gerard did. He didn’t have a
happy look on his face as he stared at me. I tried to move and attack him but
felt my body being pulled back from behind and some kind of cloth being forced
in my mouth. I screamed and fought against it, but there wasn’t much I could
do. Slowly my body felt more relaxed and I felt Evan supporting me so I
wouldn’t just fall down on the floor. He put my head on his lap and I felt his
tears falling on my cheeks, but they weren't mine.
“I-I told you Frank… Why didn't you listen to me? I would save us.” He said
something else but his voice sounded so far away as my eyes began to shut
slowly.
I was right, after all. It was a terrible idea to fight back.
End Notes
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