Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/803179.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/
      Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      Multi, M/M
  Fandom:
      The_Kite_Runner_-_Khaled_Hosseini
  Character:
      Original_Characters, Hassan, Assef_(Kite_Runner), Amir_(Kite_Runner),
      Baba_(Kite_Runner), Rahim_Khan, Farzana_(Kite_Runner), Sohrab_(Kite
      Runner)
  Additional Tags:
      brother_sister_sociopath_manipulative_violent, Protective_Siblings,
      Dysfunctional_Relationships, Child_Abuse
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-05-14 Updated: 2013-10-21 Chapters: 37/? Words: 305787
****** Devil with the Angel's Eyes ******
by SariaAhmed
Summary
     You've seen us on the streets of Kabul. Cruel, sadistic Assef Ahmed
     and his equally cold-hearted sister, Saria. You've heard the rumours.
     You think of us as ruthless, evil killers with no remorse. You think
     you understand us. But you don't. I assure you, you don't. All you
     know of us is what people have told you. But this is our story. Not
     theirs. And we are not the monsters.
Notes
     This fan story is based on Khaled Hosseini's best-selling novel, and
     centres around my Original Character, Saria Adelah Ahmed, the younger
     sister of the novel's antagonist Assef. The following story was only
     meant to be a mere 2-3 chapters in length, but it has grown to over
     31 chapters since then, with more and more being planned and written.
     I want to thank my friend Christany for her help and support
     throughout the writing of this story. She's been great at helping
     plan and write later chapters. This is an OC centric story with the
     canon characters explored being ones that didn't have much, if any
     screen time in the original work.
     Please note that this story has strong language, racism, and violent/
     mature themes, as it is meant to reflect Saria and Assef's violent
     and sociopathic natures, and is told in Saria's perspective. I look
     forward to hearing all feedback, and all comments/criticisms are
     welcomed.
***** Meeting Saria *****
"Can't wear this, or this, or this!" I moaned to myself as I threw an
assortment of clothes on the bed. My once tidy room now looked unrecognizable.
Oh well, I guess that's what servants are for, right? I had now gone through
practically everything I owned in my wardrobe, and still I had nothing to wear.
And we were twenty minutes away from leaving to go to the "playdate." I flopped
face-down on my bed. "Ugh!" I groaned. "Stupid clothes, can't I have anything
that isn't shitty once in a while?"
In the end, I settled for a white dress with a sunflower on it. I hated the
floral abomination. A four-year-old would have been so excited to wear it. I
however, wanted nothing more than to throw it in the trashcan and be done with
it. I didn't want to go to this stupid party but my parents were making me.
They were worried that a girl my age still didn't have any friends, so they
tried to set me up with Adia. Adia was ten, a year younger than me, and much
too nice for me to want anything to do with her. You know those people who are
so sweet it makes you physically sick? Yeah, that was Adia. In a nutshell. I
hated her, but I couldn't let my parents know this. The worst part was that
this was a sleepover. Yeah.
I had to deal with the annoying bitch all night. I didn't know how I was going
to live through it, but I guess I had to. For the cause. Whatever the cause is,
I'm not sure. But hey, isn't that what people always say when they do something
torturous? I took a quick look at myself in the mirror before I left the room.
With my blonde hair and blue eyes I was an odd sight here in Afghanistan. There
weren't a lot of German people here like my mother. I went downstairs where my
mom, dad, and older brother were waiting for me by the front door.
"Are you excited, Saria?" Mama asked me. I nodded. What else could I do?
"Yeah, I guess," I said, shrugging. I think Mama saw my shrug, but she didn't
say anything about it. She merely gushed about "her baby's first sleepover" and
gave me a humongous wet kiss, before running into the kitchen, in tears. That's
right. Tears! I can imagine what she'll be like on my wedding day.
Then Papa grinned at me and said, "Women, eh? I'm going to get my coat. I'll be
back in two moments." He bustled off, humming some strange song to himself.
While he was gone, my brother, Assef, came over to me. He fished around in his
pocket for some time, then pressed something heavy and sharp into my open palm.
I knew exactly what it was he was giving me. Stainless steel brass knuckles. I
had seen him use them only once but I knew the damage they could cause. Was I
really ready for this?
"Assef.." I said, looking down at my hand. "Do you really think I'll..." I
trailed off.
"Look, just take them. I know you don't want to go, and I also know what goes
on at sleepovers." When I gave him a confused look, he went on, "You know, how
people try to embarrass each other in their sleep?" Oh. I hadn't heard about
that. "I don't want anything like that to happen to you. So take them. I'm not
going out tonight, and I won't need them. Promise me you'll use them if someone
upsets you?"
I paused. How would it look if I beat someone up? Bad, really bad. I wasn't
used to this whole physical violence lark. Assef was sixteen, so he had more
experience. "Promise me," Assef said again, grabbing me by the shoulder.
"I promise, Assef," I said, looking at my feet.
He hugged me briefly and ruffled my hair. "Alright, kiddo. I love you. Go and
have fun."
I sat my rucksack on my lap while Papa drove me to the party. Assef's brass
knuckles were in the front pocket of the bag. I knew I had to be careful not to
let anybody see them. They felt heavy to the touch, and were still stained with
blood from the last time my brother used them. There was something thrilling
about how he pounded that poor thirteen-year-old unconscious. I couldn't even
recall why they were fighting. I hoped that I wouldn't have to use them
tonight. I brushed my hair back from my face and licked my lips.
"You okay, kiddo?" Papa asked. I glared from the backseat. 'Kiddo' was Assef's
nickname for me and it has been since we were children. I didn't like when
anybody else used it.
"I'm fine," I said through gritted teeth.
"You sure?"
God, would he just leave me the hell alone? I clenched my fists at my sides and
breathed in and out deeply. "I guess I'm just a bit nervous about the party."
This wasn't a lie.
"You don't need to be nervous, honey. Adia is a lovely girl. I'm sure you two
are going to be best friends." He grinned stupidly at me in the rearview
mirror. I had to struggle to hold my smile.
I seriously hoped Adia and I would not become 'best friends.' The less time I
had to spend with the bitch, the better. "Well, that sounds nice, Papa, but
Adia already has friends."
"You can never have too many friends, kiddo."
'STOP CALLING ME THAT!' I wanted to shriek out. "Yeah, you're right, Papa. I
feel better now. Thank you." I smiled at him, trying to make more conversation.
"So, what are you going to do tonight while I'm away?"
"I think we'll maybe play a game of volleyball if the sun's still up. Or
whatever..." he trailed off.
I knew the complete sentence was... "or whatever Assef wants to do." You didn't
need to be a genius to know that my brother frightened our parents. He would
have frightened me too but I knew he would never raise a hand against me. We
loved each other too much to ever hurt one an other in any way, physical or
otherwise. After about twenty minutes, we pulled up outside Adia's house. It
wasn't tiny but I knew my home was substantially bigger than it. I smirked to
myself. I already had one up on the little bitch. Papa drove the car up to the
gates, and then put it in park. He then got out of the car with me. 'HOLD IT,'
I thought to myself. 'I'M NO BABY.'
"Papa, it's alright," I told him as politely as I could. "I can go in by
myself."
"No, Saria. I don't know Adia's parent's and I want to know what will be going
on tonight. I am going to walk you inside, and have an adult talk with them,
while you play with Adia. Is that clear?" I nodded. What else could I do?
"Yes, Papa," I said, bowing my head. We went up and knocked on the front door.
A somewhat pretty girl with black hair in pigtails opened the door and clapped
her hands delightedly when she saw me.
"Hi!" she squealed. "You must be Saria! I'm Adia! Oh my, thank you so much for
coming!"
"Hello, Adia," Papa said kindly.
"Hello, Mahmood agha," she replied politely.
"Is your mama or papa here, Adia jan?"
"Yes, my papa is minding us tonight because my mama is out with her friends for
the night. Would you like to talk to him?" God, she was so annoying. I tried to
smile and be polite but it was very hard.
Then Papa said, "Okay, Adia jan, will you please take Saria in to play while
Papa and I have a little chat."
"Yes, sir," she said politely, looking at me with a retarded grin on her face.
Oh, how I wished I could just run home to my brother.
Papa squatted down so he was on eye level with me. "I want you to behave
yourself tonight, young lady. Be polite to Adia's father and do exactly as he
tells you. I will be back at ten am tomorrow to pick you up."
"Yes, Papa, I will behave," I lied. In reality, I would do no such thing. Be
polite to Adia's father, yes, but to the little cunt herself? Well, she would
have to be very nice to me for that to happen.
I allowed Adia to lead me into her bedroom, and we both sat down on the bed.
"I'm really glad that you came, Saria," she said kindly. "It's going to be so
much fun, tonight. I never had a friend to sleep over before."
"Really?" I asked, interested. So this was her first sleepover too?
"Yeah, before Mama and Papa thought that I was too young. They always treat me
like a little baby." Adia played absentmindedly with the hem of her skirt,
shooting glances at me every now and then. It was really fucking irritating.
"Haha, parents, right?" I asked.
"Yeah, but I know they only do it because they love me and want what is best
for me. So that's why I need rules and regulations."
"I guess," I said. Wow, she was a self-righteous bitch, wasn't she? Just then,
there was a knock on the door and a boy of about three years older than Adia
came in. I looked at him. The first thing that I noticed was the scar running
down his face. This disfigurement made him look rather ugly. Frightening,
actually.
"Hey, you must be Saria," he said and shook my hand. "I'm Masood, Adia's big
brother."
"Nice to meet y-you," I stuttered. I was a little scared of this hideous
monster. Okay, that's an understatement. A lot scared. Disfigured people are
close to top on the list of those who I can't stand. The world deserves better
than them, don't you think?
"You too. Well, I just came in to tell you that I am going to play some tennis
in a moment, if you two girls would like to come join me," he ruffled his
sister's hair, reaching out to do the same to me. I ducked away, biting my lip
in an attempt to seem cute or endearing. Masood laughed. Idiotic fucker.
"Yeah!" Adia said, a little too enthusiastically. "We will be right down, won't
we, Saria?" She looked up at me,
"Sure," I replied nonchalantly. Then Masood left and Adia ran to get her two
tennis rackets.
"You can borrow mine," she said.
"Thanks," I replied. I couldn't stop thinking about the horrid ugly scar on her
brother's face. I imagined what it must be like to have something like that. I
ran a hand down my face. Adia saw me looking and sighed.
"It's okay," she said. "I know that my brother must be a little scary for you."
"What happened to him?" I asked innocently.
"It was about two months ago. My brother got in a fight."
"A fight?" I asked, my interest piqued.
"Not really a "fight" but this older boy beat the living daylights out of him."
She had to stop for a moment and wipe her eyes. "We all thought we were going
to lose him, but luckily he is strong and he survived. Now he has that scar. I
think my brother is a true hero," she said, puffing her chest out smugly. "And
when I get older, I'm going to kill that jerk who hurt him."
I laughed at this. The mental image of this tiny bitch killing anyone was just
too much for me to handle. I bit down on my lip, my shoulders heaving up and
down as I giggled to myself.
"No, really, I am. Assef won't know what hit him."
"Assef?" I froze.
"Yeah, he's the boy who beat up my brother. Surely you must know him?"
I started to laugh. Oh, the irony! Here I was, sitting with the sister of the
boy my brother had viciously beaten. This would give Assef a good laugh when I
told him about this. Adia stared at me as I slapped my knees, doubled over.
"What's so funny?" she asked. I continued to laugh, not answering her. Oh, I
had her! I fucking had her! Tonight would be a doozy! I had nothing to worry
about.
"He's my brother!" I giggled, searching her face for any sign of a reaction.
"What?" she asked.
"Assef is my older brother. I'm Saria Ahmed."
Adia cocked her head from one side, then the other. "Y-your Assef's sister?"
she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
I nodded. "Yes, Adia. I'm Assef's little sister," I repeated slowly. "You
honestly didn't know this?" How stupid wasshe? The girl was in the same class
as me, yet she had noidea I was Assef's sister. Was she that much of an idiot?
"I-I..." she started. She looked at me again. "You do look like him but.."
The happy, sweet expression on my face changed into a dark glare. For a long
moment, Adia and I stared at each other. "No.." the little bitch whined. "I...
I.. Saria.."
I reached out and put my arms around her. I had just found a new best friend
who was going to do whatever I told them. This was great. "It's okay, Adia. I'd
still like to be your friend," I told her honestly.
"You would?"
"Yeah, I don't have many friends at school." I tried to look sad. "Would you
like to be friends with me, and we can look out for each other and play
together?" Damn it, Saria, you are good!
"I guess so," she said. "Um, I-I never really had a lot of friends."
I smiled to myself, then my thoughts turned to the brass knuckles in my bag. I
knew I wouldn't be needing them tonight. Adia would be putty in my hands for
the rest of her life!We both went downstairs and joined Masood in the garden. I
smiled to myself as we played a game of tennis doubles. It was amazing how
small a world it is, isn't it? After about two hours of playing, we all went
inside for tea.
"This is lovely," I told Adia's father. "Thank you so much for having me
tonight. I'm really enjoying myself."
"I'm glad, Saria jan." He got up. "Now, your father told me that you were to
phone home tonight. Would you like to do that now while Adia has her bath?"
"Yeah, I guess," I told him. He pointed the phone out to me. "Take as long as
you like." I nodded and skipped off. Then I rang home. Mama answered on the
first ring.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Mama," I said.
"Oh, baby, are you alright, are you sick? Do you want me to come and get you?"
Mama, always worrying. What was I, a fucking toddler? I had to bite my tongue
to stop from cursing her out. "Saria?" she asked again. I rolled my eyes,
though she couldn't see me.
"No, Mama, I'm fine. I just called to say that I love you and I am having a
really good time."
"That's wonderful, baby. I'm so happy for you."
"Thank you, Mama. Is Assef around?"
"He's here, why?"
"I just wanted to say good night to him before I went to bed."
"Aww, that's sweet. Hold on." There was yelling on the other end of the phone
and then Assef came on the line.
"Hey, kiddo. What's up? Is everything alright? Have they hurt you?" he asked.
"Assef, it's fine," I told him. I looked around to check nobody was listening.
"I have something to tell you. You are going to laugh when you hear this."
"I'm listening, kiddo."
"You know the boy you beat up last month?"
"Uh huh..." he trailed off, not understanding this.
"He's Adia's brother!" I burst out laughing.
"Really?" I knew he was trying to hide his laughter.
"Yeah! He has a big scar on his face and everything!"
"Wow, I beat him good, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you did."
I heard Javid calling from upstairs. "I've got to go," I told my brother.
"Javid is coming."
"Alright, kiddo, goodnight. I love you."
"I love you too," I said. Then I hung up the phone.
"How are they?" Javid asked.
"Fine. They are both well."
"That's good, jan," he said.
"It's nine o clock now, and that's when you need to be getting to bed. Please
go and get your PJs on, and go to Adia's room. I'll be up in twentyminutes to
check you've brushed your teeth." I almost struck him then and there. Hello!
I'm eleven years old! I don't need people to check my teeth! Oh my Gawd, I'm
not a baby! I had to fight very hard to keep my temper in check.
"Yes, agha. I'll go right up," I told him truthfully. I went to leave, but he
stopped me.
"Sweetie, I can already tell you and Adia are going to be firm friends, and
well, she needs that now. She hasn't had much of a good time lately. I really
need you to look out for her, and to help her. Oh, and you can call me Javid,
if you wish?"
"Okay, Javid," I said, smiling. I knew just how to play him. "I promise I'll
take good care of Adia." Oh, I will.
"Good girl. Well, I don't want to keep you two girls. I know how women are with
getting ready," he ruffled my hair, (my feathers, more like) and sent me on my
way. I walked upstairs and put on one of my nightgowns.
I had grown longer, and it barely covered my legs. I went and brushed my teeth
and then came back and brushed my hair one hundred times before settling down
on the bed. Adia had kindly offered to give up her bed for tonight, and she
would stay in a sleeping bag on the floor. As promised, Javid came up twenty
minutes later to check on us. He stopped when he saw me lying face down on the
bed. "I don't need an eyeful of your bottom, Saria. Have you got any pants?"
I shook my head no. "I don't wear pants at home."
"Well, you'll have to change into a pair of Adia's PJs. We don't allow young
ladies to wear skimpy clothes like that in this house. Even at night-time." He
went and got a fucking pair of "bunny" pyjamas, and thrust them at me. "Put
these on, and we'll say no more about it, jan. But I want you to remember to
never bring a nightie like that into our home again, do you understand me?"
"Yes, agha," I answered, through gritted teeth. I was beyond fuming. How
darethis man tell me what I could and couldn't wear! How dare he! That asshole!
That faggot! That... that... I am so angry I can't even think of a good insult.
I stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. "FUCCCCCCCCK!" I
screamed. I looked at the pyjamas. I wasn't some little baby. I was eleven.
Nearly twelve. Two more years and I'd be a teenager.
"Did I hear bad language in there?" Javid asked angrily.
I froze. Shit, did I say that out loud? I was too mad to care. "Yeah, what of
it?" I retorted back.
"Saria, we do not use that type of language in this house. I do not want to
hear it again, am I clear?" I let out a feral shriek, and slammed my whole body
into the door. Oh! Big mistake! Ow! I would be bruised from that! But for now,
I didn't care. I started to scream. My brother isn't the only one with a bad
temper!
"I don't CARE! I DON'T FUCKING CARE! I AM NOT PUTTING THOSE PYJAMAS ON! I AM
NOT! YOU HEAR ME, JAVID? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FUCKING SAY YOU ARE NOT MY
FATHER! I WILL WEAR WHATEVER I DAMN WELL WANT, YOU FUCKING CUNT!" I was going
to be in trouble now but I didn't care. I was beyond caring.
I picked up a bottle of shampoo and poured it all over Adia's pyjamas. Then I
bit into the top and began to tear the buttons off! I was now so beyond the
point of anger, it wasn't funny. This was my release. I tore the pyjamas to
shreds and then emerged from the bathroom. I thrust the now ruined clothing at
Adia. "Here!" I spat. "Guess I can't put them on now, can I?"
I have never seen a man angrier than Javid looked right then. Even Assef would
be frightened if he saw the look in his eyes. "I think, young lady, a telophone
call with your parents is in order!"
"Fine!" I shouted, nearly in tears now. "You do whatever the fuck you want!" I
leant over and stamped on his foot, harder, before storming out of the room. I
made my way to the living room and collapsed onto the sofa. The tears flowed
without stopping. What would my parents say? I had never allowed myself to lose
control in front of an adult like this. Don't get me wrong, I did throw
tantrums, but usually I was clever enough to do so without anyone around.
Needless to say, I was in massive trouble when Mama and Papa came. My heart
dropped as I saw the car pull up the drive. Papa's face was stoic as he spoke
with Javid. Mama kept shooting angry glares in my direction. I lowered my head,
my body wracked with sobs, trying to portray the image of a remorseful little
girl. "Let's get going, Saria," Mama snapped, directing me out the door. Right
before we left, she leaned down to speak in my ear. "What do you say to Javid,
young lady?"
"T-thank you f-for having me, Javid agha. I a-apologise for my behaviour." I
could barely get the words out through my sobs.
We drove in tense silence all the way home. "Get into that house right now,
young lady!" Papa demanded when we got home.
I stormed into the front room. "Whatever possessed you to behave in such a
disrespectful manner tonight?" he demanded of me, standing up while I sat down.
With my small stature, he towered over me easily.
"Dunno.."
"You do know, madam, that is nota good enough answer!" he roared.
"I guess I was just angry that I was being made to do something that I didn't
want to."
"Saria Adelah Ahmed." Oh, full name. I was in deep shit now. "you promised me
that you would behave yourself tonight, didn't you?"
"Caa, agha." I wanted to kickmyself for showing my true colours.
"And instead, you chose to go back on your promise, and to disappoint me and
your mother by using foul language and destroying the property of someone else.
DIDN'T YOU?"
"Whatever," I replied flippantly.
"Watch your tone!" Papa snapped. "I am too disgusted to even finish this
conversation right now. It's late, and you need to get to bed. You are grounded
for three months, Saria, and you will spend those three months doing chores.
The money you usually get from those chores you will use to buy a new pair of
pyjamas for Adia, which you will present to her along with a four page apology
letter you will write yourself. Do you understand?"
"Caa, agha."
"Get to your room. No reading, no playing with your dolls. Nothing. Straight to
bed. Go!" He pointed towards the stairs, a stern look on his features. My legs
were shaking as I struggled to my feet. I could feel their stares bearing down
on me as I left the room.
I raced up to my bedroom. I just wanted to cry myself to sleep. I hated this!
Everyone was being so unfair! Assef noticed me crying and came right in. "Are
you alright?" he asked, concerned. I shook my head. He came and sat down on the
bed next to me. "I heard Father yelling at you." I nodded my head, and wiped my
eyes. Assef gathered me into his arms and rocked me back and forth.
"What'd ya do, Saria?" he asked in a worried voice.
I hurriedly told him of what had transpired. "Wow, kiddo, you don't do things
by halves."
I giggled through my tears. "Are you mad at me?" I asked timidly.
"Why would I be mad at you? You did just as I would have had I been in your
situation."
"No, you would have beaten the life out of Javid for ever suggesting that you
wear something with bunnies on," I laughed.
"Yes, but Saria, Javid is a grown man. I don't want you beating up grown men,
because they will hurt you. And, try to not to go near that man again.
Understand?"
"Yes, Assef," I replied. "But, Assef..."
"What is it?" he asked, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear.
"I'd still like to be friends with Adia," I said the word "friends" the way
Assef did when he talked about Wali and Kamal.
"Okay but be careful around her father and if he ever raises a hand against
you, come and find me."
"I will," I vowed. I yawned, stretching as I arched my back.
"Alright, you must be wrecked. You lie down. I'll see you tomorrow." He brushed
my hair from my face and kissed me on the forehead. I winced, feeling where I
had slammed into the door a few moments earlier. "What's up? Did somebody hurt
you?" Assef's voice was low and dangerous. It was his "I'm going to put on my
brass knuckles and beat somebody up" voice.
"No, it's not what you think, Assef," I told him hurriedly. "I got mad and
slammed myself into the door."
"Well, that wasn't the most intelligent of decisions," he scoffed.
"Guess not."
"Well, if you're sure you'll be okay.."
"I'll be fine..."
"Alright. Goodnight, kiddo. I love you."
"I love you from the moon to the sky," I replied.
"I love you from the moon to the end of the universe!" Assef said as he left
the room. I smiled and snuggled into bed.
I would get back at that bitch and her father some other time. For now, I just
needed to sleep.
***** Apology Letters *****
Chapter Summary
     As usual, comments and criticisms are welcome. In the last chapter,
     Saria landed herself in hot water when she allowed her temper to get
     the better of her. Now, will she keep her cool around Adia?
I woke to the sound of my mother's shouting. Not a good wake up call, I can
assure you. Groaning, I rolled over in bed and looked at the clock on the wall.
Six thirty. Six. Fucking. Thirty. 'Fuck this,' I thought to myself, rolling
over and burying my face into the pillow. No way was I getting up this early.
No fucking way. I was staying in bed as long as humanly possible, and nobody
was going to stop me.
"SARIA!" Mama, the fucking whore, shouted again, angrier this time. "I've been
calling for the last half hour."
Wait, what? She expected me up at six? Nooo. I pulled the pillow over my ears
and pretended not to hear her. It had been like this ever since my grounding
two months ago. At least after this month it would be over. Yet I still had
that punishment letter to write to Adia. I could do that today. I had enough
money now to buy her another pair of pyjamas, but I still planned to continue
to work. It wouldn't hurt for me to have some extra cash to put aside, would
it?
"I'm coming, Mama," I said politely. Mama and Papa still hadn't forgiven me
completely for my stunt two months ago. They were still strict and snappy with
me, especially in the mornings.
"I expect you dressed and in the kitchen in twentyminutes," Mama called up the
stairs. "I have some washing up for you to do."
"I'll be right down," I grumbled. I got out of bed and went to my wardrobe. I
put on a pink pinafore and tied my hair up in pigtails. I looked positively
grotesque. I smiled at myself in the mirror. "Well, Saria, only one more day
left until you're free again." The girl in the mirror smiled back. "Then we can
get back at that bitch." I knew it wasn't really Adia's fault that I had gotten
into trouble. It was mine. But I still wanted to get back at her. Adia was too
sweet for her own good. She would be so easy for me to manipulate, especially
considering that she know new it was my brother that had nearly killed her own.
And believe me when I say that nothing angers Assef more than somebody hurting
me in any way, shape, or form. Humming to myself, I entered the kitchen. Mama
and Papa were already seated there. "I made you a slice of toast," Mama said,
not looking at me. I nodded politely and began to eat. When I was about one-
quarter of the way through, Papa took my plate away from me.
"Hey! I was still eating!" I shrieked, spraying half-chewed crumbs everywhere.
"Don't talk with your mouth full!" Mama admonished. "And mind that attitude of
yours, Saria Adelah." She folded her arms across her chest and stared at me, as
if daring me to say another word. I kept my mouth shut.
"Listen to your mother," Papa told me. "Now, Saria, Mama and I are both going
out today to a friend's house. We are leaving at ten am and hope to be back
before tea. There is a list of chores on your bedroom door that are to be
completed in full before our return. We also expect your apology letter to be
written by then. Adia and her family are coming to tea, and we expect you on
your bestbehaviour. Any lark like last time, and you'll wish you'd never been
born. Do you understand?" Papa half-roared at me.
"Caa, agha. I understand. Is the whole family coming to tea?"
"Yes," he replied. I smiled to myself. I couldn't wait to formally introduce
Assef to Masood.
"You will present your apology letter to Adia after dinner and make a public
apology to her family in the dining room."
"Yes," I replied, just wanting to get this day over and done with.
"Good girl." It was as close to an endearment as I had come in the last few
months.
"Your brother is in charge for the day. Wali and Kamal are coming over, so I
expect you to be polite, am I understood?"
"Caa."
"That's my girl." He ruffled my hair and pointed to the sink. "I won't keep you
and the dishes waiting."
I set about working diligently. At least there was only one more day left of
this hell. Then I could finally go out and get some sunlight. I hadn't had any
sun for three months, imagine that! I smiled to myself and began singing aloud
as I worked, some strange song I had learned in school the year earlier. My
mind was only on the dinner tonight. Our whole family would meet Adia's whole
family. I smiled to myself as I remembered how angry Masood had been at me for
upsetting his baby sister.
All those months ago, as I waited for Papa to pick me up, he told me he would
"get me" for hurting her the vicious way I had. Now I had him right where I
wanted him. He wouldn't dare to touch me once he knew whose sister he would be
hurting. I smiled to myself. It seemed as though things were really working out
for me this time! I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't notice Assef
coming into the room. "Hey, kiddo!" he said. I turned around and smiled.
"Hey," I waved and the soap suds on my hand got all over the floor. I groaned
and went to clean them up. "Stupid wash up," I grumbled to myself. "Adia's
family are coming over for tea tonight," I told my brother.
"Really?" He raised an eyebrow, smirking at me.
"Yes, really," I answered. "Papa wants me to formally apologize to them for my
behaviour three months ago."
"To the whole family?" Assef asked.
"The whole family," I replied. "Even Masood." I lowered my eyes and bit my lip.
"I'm looking forward to meeting him," Assef said, smiling. It wasn't a
particularly nice smile. I nodded my head.
"I'm looking forward to introducing you both properly." I put my arms around my
brother's waist. He hugged me back. "Wali and Kamal are coming over later
today. That alright, kiddo?"
I nodded. "I like Wali and Kamal," I told him truthfully. I actually did. They
had enough sense to be nice to me.
"Alright, kiddo. I don't want you to fall behind on your chores. I'm going to
play a game of volleyball. I'll be outside if you need anything. If you get
half your chores done before lunch I'll let you play a game with me." Assef
smiled at me. He knew how much I loved volleyball. It was like my favourite
sport ever.
I nodded my head. "Okay, Assef, thank you." He smiled and went away. I got to
work straight away, cleaning and dusting every nook and cranny in the house. I
just couldn't wait to get these ridiculous chores done so I could get on with
my life! I worked diligently all day. Papa commented on my work before he and
mother went out the door.
"I see you're hard at work, there, jan. Good girl. Don't forget your letter
now," he warned.
"I won't, Papa," I said, not looking up from the table I was polishing. "See
you later." Then they both left. I let out a loud scream of delight! Alone at
last! Just me and Assef and no parents telling us what to do! I did a little
jump and dance in the kitchen! I was finished my work by twelve o clock, that's
how fast I was, how eager I was to be done.
I bounded out to the compound where Assef was playing volleyball with Wali and
Kamal was sitting waiting patiently for his turn. "Hey, Wali, Kamal!" I said.
"I didn't hear you guys come in, did you come in the back way?" I asked.
"Yeah, we did," Kamal said. He patted the seat for me to sit next to him. I did
so. "Hey, Saria. Assef's been telling us all about what you got up to in your
friend's house."
I smiled. "What of it?" I asked cheekily.
"Nothing, I'm just surprised is all. You seem so good and nice."
"I'm not that nice," I replied, then swatted the incoming ball away from
myself.
"You want to play?" Assef asked, indicating that Wali should sit down. I shook
my head.
"Maybe later. Right now, I've got an apology letter to write, and I want to get
that done and dusted now."
Assef nodded. "Okay. We'll be here if you need us. Good luck, kiddo."
I nodded, smiling and went upstairs to my bedroom. I took out my pen and paper
and set them on my desk. I had ample time to write a letter to that bitch. I
was no procrastinator. Think about it, the quicker I get things done, the
quicker I can relax and play volleyball with my brother. I sucked on the end of
the pen, deep in thought. What exactly does one say in an apology letter?
I pondered on asking Assef but what good would that do? I had never seen my
brother apologize for hurting anyone, except that time he'd accidentally hit my
head with a volleyball. That was the closest I had ever seen Assef come to
remorse for causing another human being pain and that was only because I am his
sister. So, I had nobody to turn to. I let out a scream of frustration.
'Dang it, Saria, think! What do you write in these damn things! THINK FOR GOD'S
SAKE! SWEET GOD! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WRITE IN THIS SHITTY THING? WHAT'S THE
POINT OF THESE THINGS?' After a few moments, I calmed down. I began to write
hurriedly. It took three goddamn fucking hours but at last the letter was
written. I have written it in here, at least what I can remember of what I
wrote.
Adia jan,
I am writing you this letter to apologize to you for my inexcusable actions at
your house on Friday, two months ago. Your family extended me a great deal of
politeness and courtesy, and I behaved completely out-of-order. I had
absolutely no right to allow my anger to get the better of me the way that I
did. There is no excuse. Even if I was angry at being told what to do, I should
have spoken calmly to your father and you. I don't know why I didn't do this.
All I can say is that I was feeling angry that day, and a little nervous about
being away from home for the tonight. However, this does not give me the right
to behave the way I did.
It certainly does not give me the right to vandalise your property. I should
have just done as I was told and not argued. I have learned my lesson now, you
must believe me. My parents both saw to it that I got the punishment I deserved
for my deplorable behaviour. I have also been made use my money to reimburse
you the pyjamas I destroyed.
I hope you find them to your satisfaction, Adia jan. In addition, I also extend
my apologies to your father, Javid agha, whom I disrespected greatly by
swearing and stamping upon his foot. I hope he has recovered. I also hope with
all my heart that you can forgive me for my behaviour, as I would like to be
your friend, jan. I hope that we can all reconcile once more. I am looking
forward to seeing you and your family and welcoming you into my home tonight.
Once again, I do sincerely apologize for my unladylike behaviour.
Yours, Saria Ahmed.
I smiled in satisfaction, tucked the letter into an envelope, put the envelope
on the new pyjamas and walked out the door. 'All done now,' I told myself. I
walked down stairs and into the compound. Assef and Wali were sitting by the
pool. I walked over and dipped my feet in. "You finished that letter?" Wali
asked.
I nodded. "Four pages all done in my best handwriting. Nay, I'm very proud of
myself."
"You should be," Assef said, putting an arm around my shoulder. "I wouldn't
have managed writing that letter, especially when the bitch doesn't deserve
it."
"Be nice," I told him, rolling my eyes. "She's my friend." I winked at him and
he winked back. We all went inside and had some lunch. After a few more hours
in the sun, it was almost time for tea.
At four PM, Mama and Papa returned. "Hello, Wali, Kamal," Mama said, nodding
politely to Assef's friends. "Chores all done, child?" she barked at me.
"Caa, agha," I replied. "And apology letter written as well. Shall I fetch it?"
"No need, jan, I believe you. Now, the two of you, go and prepare for dinner.
Adia will be here shortly." We both nodded, Assef said goodbye to Wali and
Kamal, and we walked upstairs. I went into my bedroom and changed into my best
party dress. I re-did my hair in pigtails and brushed my teeth.
I looked out the window when I saw Javid's car coming up the drive. I saw Adia
get out, followed by Masood. 'Well this is it, Saria,' I thought to myself.
'Let's see how tough the fucker is tonight.'
"Assef! Saria! Come downstairs and greet our guests!" I heard Papa yell. I
fixed my collar and smoothed down the front of my dress as I skipped out into
the landing. I felt like an idiot behaving this way. Still, the game had to be
played. It was imperative for me to do so, after all.
Coming down, I saw Masood mouth, "Assef?" in shock. I bounded right up to him.
"Hi, Masood!" I said. He seized my hand and shook really hard. I winced from
the pain, feeling a crack.
"Hello, Saria," he said. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't allow it. It
bloody hurt!
"Hello, Masood. It's nice to see you again." Assef, you are my hero, and I love
you! Masood almost died then and there!
"A-Assef? What are you doing here?"
"I live here. I'll thank you to let go of my sister's hand."
"Y-your...?"
"Let go, kunis." Masood did so, glancing fearfully up at my brother. I went to
stand between Assef's legs, and he put his hand around my shoulder. "See, I
showed the cunt," he whispered in German, then switched back to speaking Farsi
easily.
"Come on in, don't just stand there."
Masood glanced at me again. "You are his sister?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yes, Masood, Assef and I are siblings." Assef himself was now
walking Adia down the hallway. I could tell she was frightened. Good. She
should be frightened. I'm glad she was frightened.
"Are you close?" Masood asked me.
"Hmm?"
"You and your brother, are you close?" he said the word "brother" as though it
was something vile and disgusting.
"We're best friends. We tell each other everything," I said, stressing the word
everything so he would get the hint and back the fuck away.
"Alright then." That was the last he spoke to me as we made our way to the
dining room. There was an awkward silence between all families as we sat down
to eat our meal. Only Faraya, Adia's mother, seemed open and warm enough to
begin a conversation, chatting lightly with my mother about tennis and
backhands. Javid stared Papa down, and I glared silently at Adia.
It was her fault that I was here on "probation," as I liked to call it. She was
seated beside Masood, across the way from me and Assef. I could see Assef
glaring daggers at Masood from across the table, and Masood not daring to look
into his eyes. I was in complete control over these bastards and I knew it too.
There was no conversation between us as we ate dinner. Just the way I liked it.
It gave me time to collect my thoughts. I would have to apologize to that bitch
soon. I was quite livid at my situation. Why should I have to apologize to her?
She was the one who had let her father tell me what to do. Who did he think he
was anyway? I should have kicked his nuts out when I had the chance!
"Jan." Assef's words brought me out of my funk. I looked at him. "You look
upset. Calm down, kiddo," he whispered.
I nodded. "Thanks," I replied. He nodded. I took my brother's advice and
stopped thinking about my impending doom. It would be over in a matter of
moments, and I could regain whatever pride I would have left after this shit.
Just think, a few more minutes until I could be back in Mama and Papa's good
books. I vowed I would take very good care of my destructive temper then and
there.
I would makeAdia pay, pay in blood for embarrassing me. For being so sweet. She
would be my bitch as long as I needed her. And, if she needed to be taught who
was boss, I'm sure Assef and his brass knuckles would do the job for her just
fine! "Saria," Mama whispered in my ear, once again speaking Pashtu. "Go to
your room and fetch your present and letter for Adia jan. Then meet us in the
front room to give your formal apology to her and her family. Go, now!"
I nodded and walked out. On my way up, I noticed one of Papa's belts hanging on
the bannister. I smiled to myself. I was very lucky that I was not physically
punished. Once, when I was nine, I stole from Mama's purse and went to buy a
doll for myself. She had been so angry that she had bent me over my bed and
whipped my ass with that belt. Even now, all these years later, I still
remember her hitting me, the agonising pain in my rear end and the tops of my
thighs.
She must have hit me in excess of five to six times before my brother came to
my aid. It was the first time I had ever been spanked and the first time Assef
had ever struck our mother. And strike her he did. Knocked her two front teeth
out. She never laid a hand on me again. Served the bitch right. After that, I
was never whipped again. Caa, I would still never forget that day, though.
I walked up to my room and dug out the pyjamas and four page punishment letter.
I smiled to myself. "It's almost over now." I said. I walked down stairs and
into the living room. I cleared my throat loudly. "Excuse me everybody?" I
called in Farsi, as politely as I could. We all spoke Farsi here, except when
Assef and I needed to converse in private, then we switched to Pashtu, or
German.
Anyway, I beamed at the waiting audience. Time to play the game! "I would just
like to apologize to you, our guests, for my behaviour three months earlier at
your home. I was wrong, and I am sorry. I ask for your forgiveness, and a
chance to start afresh. Adia," I addressed the bitch privately now. "I would
like to start anew in our friendship, and for us to get along like I know we
can."
I handed her the present. "I bought you another pair of the pajamas I ripped up
and destroyed." I'd like to destroy her! Okay, Saria, calm down! Nearly done!
Just a bit longer. "I hope you like them. You will find a four page letter of
apology in there too. I am so sorry. Please forgive me."
I hoped I was sincere enough. Obviously, I was because Adia came over and
hugged me in a bone crushing embrace. "Of course I forgive you, Saria jan. Oh,
you didn't have to do this for me!" she whispered in my ear.
I whispered back, "This doesn't end here." Out loud I said, "I'm so glad you've
decided to be my friend again. I would be really hurt if you didn't." Only she,
Assef and I knew just what that statement really meant.
Javid put a hand on my shoulder. "What a well done speech, my girl!" he
complimented me.
"Thank you, agha!" I beamed.
"And you are forgiven, kiddo." He reached out to clap me on the shoulder.
I felt myself tense up at hearing someone else use Assef's nickname for me. I
clenched and unclenched my fists. 'Don't strike him, don't strike him! He
doesn't know!' I told myself.
Clearly, I was going to have to keep this family in check. I nodded politely.
"I thank you kindly, agha," I said again, bowing my knees.
"I'm proud of you, jan," Papa said, putting an arm around me. "You handled that
very maturely. Your punishment is now over and you are no longer grounded." He
kissed the top of my blonde head in front of everyone. I decided to play
"daddy's little girl" and lay my head on his chest.
"Thank you, Papa. I love you."
"I love you too, Saria jan."
Javid smiled warmly and wrapped his arms around Adia. "I'm glad our two girls
are friends again, Mahmood," he said, smiling at my father.
"Ay, me too, Javid, me too. At least it will get the women out of our hair when
us men hang out." He winked and gave Javid a good-natured shove. Javid laughed
politely, even though the joke was not at all funny. "Well, now that that's out
of the way, I think we can all relax and enjoy our time together. What say you
children play some volleyball while we adults go and relax in the study."
We all four nodded. "Alright," Papa said. "I should warn you, Masood, our son
is a dab hand at volleyball."
'And a dab hand at beating people unconscious,' I thought to myself, but of
course, I did not say anything to him. I smiled at Masood warmly.
"I'll go easy on you, jan," Assef said, smiling kindly. He motioned for me to
stand between his legs. I did so. We went and played volleyball, two on two.
Our team won. I wonder whether this was because of the glares Assef kept giving
Masood over the net. Tssk, tssk, stupid boy kept dropping the ball! Still, I
was always glad when I won a game. Poor little Adia seemed upset though. She
was even crying when she lost! Haha! Stupid pathetic bitch! It's just a fucking
game! Get over yourself!
I ducked under the net and caught her arm. "Hey!" I snapped. "Don't cry!" I
looked to where the study was. I knew I would not be heard here. I frogmarched
her under one of our many palm trees. "I'll give you something to cry about,
bitch! You got me in trouble, you and your stinking father."
"I-I am telling my Papa," she whimpered. I stomped on her foot, pressing my
toes down hard onto hers. She gasped in pain, trying to push me away but I was
stronger than her and managed to pin her down. I lifted up her top and twisted
a piece of the flesh on her stomach. Yup, she would be bruised in the morning.
"You won't tell anyone if you know what's good for you. Remember, Adia, my big
brother would hateto see me upset or in trouble for any reason. I got grounded
for three months. And who caused it?" I slapped her violently across the face.
"WHO CAUSED IT?" I roared, though, of course, not loud enough to be heard by
any parents.
"M-me. It was me, Saria. I caused it," she stuttered, tears streaking their way
down her cheeks. I nodded my head, my hand still twisting her flesh.
"Good girl. So, you don't want your only friend to get into trouble again, do
you?"
She shook her head. I gently let her go and kissed her on both cheeks. "Caa,
how wonderful that we can come to an agreement, nay?" She nodded. "Oh, Adia
jan. I did not want to do this to you. But you got me into big trouble. You did
not stick up for me to your father. Friends must stick up for each other if
they are true." She nodded again.
"I-I ap-p-pologize, Saria. I will do better next time."
"Yes you will," I said. I slapped the bitch once more, for good measure. "You
will be my friend, and you will do better! What happened in your home had
better not happen again! What I say goes! If you don't want to be my friend,
I'll just get Assef to deal with you!"
She shook her head. "Please, Saria, I'll be the best friend you ever had!"
"Oh, I know you will!" I told her confidently. "Or what just happened here will
be a gentle ear twisting compared to what my brother will do to you." I looked
around me. Assef and Masood were still playing volleyball. "Remember, bitch,
tell anyone about this, and you're dead!"
Then I spat in her eye and walked away. Yup, I love my new best friend.
***** To fight the Devil *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria was forced to humble herself and give an
     in depth apology to Adia for her behaviour. Now, two weeks have
     passed and we find her delighted over the control she now holds over
     Adia. But, as always, trouble has a way of finding Saria Ahmed...
It had now been two whole weeks since the event with Adia. I now had full
control over the bitch. She did what I said without fail, and didn't complain
about it either. I had really made an impact with my threat, ha ha! I noticed
that she now wore long dresses and would not allow anybody to touch her
stomach. I must have bruised her up good. I smiled to myself. Good. The bitch
deserved it. It was her punishment for letting me get into trouble. I didn't
even want to be friends with the little cunt, my parents were making me! Well,
now I was making her be my friend.
See, everything would be on my terms. I was not going to let anybody boss me
around. I would never be "Friend" to Adia, only "Nightmare". No matter what she
said, what lie we conceived together, I would not allow myself to care for her.
She was a bitch and I didn't need her. I would let my brother have his way with
her once her novelty wore out. My brother. The only person I love in this
world! Frankly, I don't care about anybody else. What have they done for me? It
brought me great joy to think of the pain I had caused little Adia such a short
time ago. It was great. I smiled to myself as I recalled my handiwork.
'Well, Saria, you've still got it, girl,' I thought to myself. She was
frightened beyond belief and of me! Not of Assef, of me! I had someone to
control. I had a lap-dog the way Assef had Wali and Kamal. I smirked inwardly.
"She's my bitch now," I said aloud. It felt good to hear the words coming out
of my mouth.
I was sitting by the pool with my bare feet in the water, waiting for Assef to
come out with the lemonade. I wondered what was taking him so long. But I
didn't care. I loved spending summer with my older brother. The best days was
when it was just the two of us. Just Assef and I. We lived for times like that.
I was now deep in thought, I didn't notice Assef come back over to me and hand
me a lemonade. "You thinking, kiddo?" he asked.
I nodded. "Thanks," I said when I saw the glass at my side. I took a huge gulp.
"I was thinking about my bitch." I always referred to Adia as "my bitch" in
Assef's presence. It gave him a good laugh to hear me say it every time! Assef
dipped his feet into the water.
"What about her, Saria jan?" he asked. I looked around me. No parents. Thank
God. I exhaled.
"Do you think she'll tell on me for what I did to her two weeks ago?" It was
the first time I had voiced this concern. What if Adia did tell on me? I would
get into trouble. No matter what Assef did, I would still be in big trouble for
doing this to her.
"I won't let that happen to you, kiddo." It was funny how Assef could read my
mind sometimes. "I promise you. She won't tell. If she thinks about telling,
I'll make her sorry. I'll cut that bitch's throat if she even dreams of getting
you into trouble!" He said this with such conviction that I just had to hug him
and give him a kiss on the cheek.
"You're the best big brother ever," I told him.
He put his arm around my shoulder. "I try my best, kiddo." We sat there for a
while, arms around each other. This was so great! The sun was shining and I got
to spend the day with my favorite person in the world. Life couldn't get any
better than this! "Where is your bitch, anyway?" Assef asked, breaking the
peaceful silence.
"She's gone to some "family occasion." I let her go this time because I wanted
to spend the day with you." He smiled and ruffled my hair. Assef was the only
person I allowed do that without throwing a hissy fit. Assef was, in fact, the
only person I allowed to do lots of things, without throwing a hissy fit. I
kicked my feet back and forth in the water, flexed my toes. Where was Adia now?
I wondered. Was she thinking about me, even in the presence of her family? Was
she wondering whether she should confide in them about how dangerous her new
"friend" really was?
I knew she would keep quiet. I had the upper hand here, not her. She wasn't the
one with the older brother who would happily beat her unconcious, to death
even, if she ever betrayed me! That got me to thinking. Would I ever kill Adia?
I was almost certain the answer was no, but I couldn't be certain! If she did
tell on me, Assef and I would be ready to go to any lengths to make sure my
secret stayed hidden. If that meant murder, well, did I really want to go down
that road?
No, I wouldn't think about that! Adia was way too scared of me to ever do
anything like that! I had full control over that cunt, and I knew it too! I
looked up at the radiant sun, closed my eyes and lay back with my hands behind
my head. "Ahhh," I sighed. It was a good day to be me. As I watched the clouds,
my thoughts drifted away from Adia for a while. I began to wonder about the
other girls in my class. Were any of them worthy of being my "friend?" Not the
same friend Adia was, no, but an on-the-side bitch? My parents were always
saying that I had no friends. And this worried them, for some reason. Ha!
If they knew the real me, they would be worried! I had allowed them to get a
glimpse of my true self three months ago. But all that had done was gotten me
grounded! I think because I was young and small, they were not afraid of me
like they were of Assef! I didn't care though! It was better that way. As long
as I played my cards right, nobody would suspect me of anything. After all, who
could suspect sweet, kind, beautiful Saria of doing anything wrong? Nobody,
that's who! My thoughts brought me back to the girls in my class. Nobody in
that class seemed to want anything to do with me! They would all avoid me on
the playground, or leave me behind. They would gang up on me, and call me
horrid names!
This went on until for two months, until one day, we went to the cinema on a
school tour, and I locked the meanest of them inside a storage cupboard. It
took them hours to find her and she'd almost had a panic attack due to being
claustrophobic. But she didn't tell on me, I made sure of that. I remembered
that day well. It was the first time I got revenge on somebody for hurting me.
I learned a valuable life lesson that day. Never allow anybody to make you feel
inferior. No, I was in control in that school and those bitches knew it! I
could never allow anybody bar Adia to get close to me. She was so fortunate to
be my friend. I had her back against bullies and tormentors. And yet, to her, I
was the greatest tormentor. I had to stay in control in order to be safe.
Assef was saying something. I felt him nudge me in the ribs. "What?" I asked,
looking up at him with a sheepish look on my face. "I'm sorry, I wasn't
listening."
"I said, I'm going to the market today with Wali and Kamal? You wanna come
with?"
I nodded. "Sure. I'd like that. I haven't been to market in ages. What time do
you want to go?"
"Wali is coming over at twelve and we're meeting Kamal at his house." Assef
smiled at me. "You have money left over from your grounding, nay?"
I nodded. "Caa, a small amount."
"Good, you can spend it if you want."
I smiled. "I'll buy us lunch," I told him.
"Oh, kiddo. I'll buy us lunch. That's your money, you can spend it on whatever
you want." I got up out of the water and dried my feet on a nearby towel. "I'll
go and change my clothes. I'll meet you and Wali outside the compound at
twelve," I told my brother. I went upstairs. It was now half past eleven. What
was I going to wear today?
I usually dressed up pretty nicely when I went out to market. I perused through
my choice of dresses. Hmm. I wanted to look the way I always did. Sweet and
innocent. Who knew whether we would run into Adia or a member of her family
today? She had confided in me once that they all loved going to market
together. I smirked to myself as I put on a blue check dress and ribbons in my
hair. I wanted to keep up the false pretense.
"Sweet innocent Saria jan," I told the girl in the mirror. I suddenly spoke out
in Pashtu. "I'll show that bitch sweet and innocent. I'll control her!" I
laughed loudly to myself. Thinking bad thoughts about little Adia always gave
me a good laugh! I wondered what else I could do to her. She was my punching
bag, something to kick if I was bored. And kick her I had! I wondered whether I
would perhaps one day break a bone of hers!
I grinned at the thought. "As long as you play my game my way, little one,
there needn't be any pain. No fear, no tears," I said aloud.
Yes, she had to know who was boss. Everybody in school had to know that I was
in charge! Me, Saria Ahmed, master of my swarm of slaves, and nobody else! I
smirked again. I actually missed school now. What chaos could I cause when I
returned? I thought about how much pain I could make those little cunts feel as
I brushed my teeth once more and placed my shoes on my feet! I was just waiting
for one of them to push my buttons. I smiled to myself. Would I punch her? Beat
her? I just couldn't waitto get the chance to reek havoc on my school mates.
This was all I could think of as I made my way down the stairs. I got my duffle
coat and wrapped up warm. Even though it was summer, it still wasn't all that
warm. I walked out into the compound. It was now exactly twelve o'clock. I am a
very good time-keeper. I walked over to where Wali and Assef were waiting for
me by the front gates. "All ready to go, kid?" Assef asked me.
I nodded. "I brought all my money." I patted my pocket.
"And you remembered to lock up?"
I nodded. "Caa."
"Good girl. Alright then, let's go." I ran ahead of Assef and Wali as the three
of us made our way to Kamal's house. He lived just a bit down the road from us.
His father was quite rich and he owned a cinema. Kamal could always get me in
to free movies. I bet he could even get me into R rated horror movies if he
wanted to! You know, the kind with lots of gore in them, where people are
randomly tortured for no reason! I loved those types of movies! They did not
scare me at all the way they would another girl of my age! I could easily put
myself in the shoes of the villain. Would I be so bold as to skin my enemies?
To stone them? To decapitate them?
I wondered about all of this as I walked with my brother and his friend. As I
said, Kamal was the bestfor getting me in to see those gory horrors that I so
loved! Don't tell anyone, but I actually had a bit of a crush on Kamal. I
wondered what it would be like to be his girlfriend. It was unfortunate that I
was way too young for us to ever be together in that way. It would be great if
he did like me in the same way I liked him! He was even more afraid of Assef
than Wali was! He was so cute when he got scared. I smirked at the thought.
After about twenty minutes, we reached Kamal's home. I stood outside the gate
while Assef knocked on the door. A few seconds later and counting, Kamal came
out. He smiled and waved when he saw me. I smiled and waved back! 'You're so
hot!' I thought to myself gleefully. Was I blushing? I hoped not. "Hey, Kamal!"
I said shyly. I wrapped my arm around my brother's leg. I always got a little
shy when I was around Kamal. I was so fucking in love with him! Assef ruffled
my hair.
"You alright, kiddo?" I nodded my head like it was on a spring. We all started
walking together to market. I once again ran on ahead. As usual, my thoughts
were nothing but dark and sinister. I looked about me. All around, children my
age played and laughed without a care in the world. I was nothing like them! I
knew for a fact that I wasn't entirely sane in the brain! Ha! Did you enjoy my
little rhyme?
I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice a boy run straight
into my path and almost knock me to the ground! I looked about. Assef was deep
in conversation with Wali and Kamal and hadn't seen anything. I caught the boy
by the arm. He looked about twelve years old and he was a Hazara cunt. "Watch
where you're going, you little bastard!" I hissed. He rubbed his arm where I
had grabbed him. He was lucky he was in a good mood or I would have broken his
fucking bones to pieces! "You want to apologize for almost knocking me down,
faggot." It wasn't a question.
"I-I-I'm sorry, agha," he muttered sadly, looking at his feet. "I didn't mean
to."
"I know," I said simply. "It's fortunate for you that I'm in a good mood,
kunis."
Then, a Pashtan boy came along, put his hand on the filthy Hazara. "Come on,
Hassan," he said, putting a hand on the disgusting thing'sshoulder. "Let's go."
"C-caa, Amir agha," Hassan said, shaking a little. His fear brought great joy
to my heart!
I smirked. "Goodbye, Hassan, Amir. It was nice to talk to you." I gave Amir a
little wave. 'Wow! He's kind of hot!' I thought to myself. I was feeling
flushed at the sight of this cute boy. We just needed to get away from this
disgusting Hazara.
"G-Goodbye, khanom," Hassan mumbled, more to his feet than to me. Khanom. Such
a polite, respectful use of address. 'That's right,' I thought, watching his
retreating form get smaller and smaller. 'You know you're beneath me.' I felt
good now. I had just met a cute boy and I had bullied a pathetic Hazara cunt.
How exciting!
"Saria!" my brother called. "Come here, kiddo. I don't want you wandering
through this section of market by yourself."
"Coming, Assef." I bounded over and we walked side by side.
"There are a lot of dirty Hazara slaves here. They could hurt a girl like you.
Stay by my side, sweetheart."
I nodded my head. "Alright," I said.
"We won't stop for anything until we get further up. I don't want to buy
anythingthose filthy cunts have touched." I laughed at this statement. It was
so true. I decided not to bother telling my brother I had touched a Hazara. I
would wash twice to get Hassan's filth off of me. I looked about the people
going about their daily business in the market. To them, I just looked like a
sweet young child going about her daily life with her big brother. If only they
knew the darkness that lies in the recesses of my heart. I smirked to myself
and decided to play a game. I picked random people in the crowd and imagined
ways to torture them. It was such a fun game. My God, if only I could make my
fantasies become reality. We made our way into the upper market.
"Alright, kiddo. You go and pick something out for yourself and meet us in the
café in ten." Assef ruffled my hair and kissed my head. I beamed at him and ran
off. I perused through the stalls for a few moments. What was I going to buy
myself? I wasn't entirely sure. Maybe a nice doll? Or a dress? Not that I
needed another one. Then I saw a striped kite.
I smiled. "I'd like this kite, please." I remembered to speak politely to the
sales man. I handed him the money.
"Wow! You have a lot of money, little girl."
"I helped my Mama out at home a lot," I told him. This was true. He just didn't
need to know why.
"Well, here, one kite for the lovely young lady." He tipped his hat politely to
me as I passed. I clung to my new kite, smiling to myself as I met my brother
and friends for lunch.
"Nice kite," Kamal commented.
"Thanks," I said. We all sat and ate lunch in the sunshine outside the café.
"I'm going to fly this for a while outside. I'll be over there." I pointed to
the distance.
"Stay where I can see you, kiddo," Assef said. I nodded. I unwound my new kite
and began flying it. I loved kite flying! It was like the kite was flying away
with all my worries and concerns! I smirked to myself. I would have to take
Adia flying with me. Then I imagined what it would feel like if I tied Adia to
the kite and released her to the wind. I knew all of her phobia of heights, she
would be begging me to let her down. Well, they always say you have to face
your fears. I wanted to be her worst fear. Soon people all over town would have
"Sariaphobia." I laughed to myself at my little joke. My thoughts drifted to
Amir. He was damn cute! Why did he have to be friends with that Hazara faggot?
Why? It was so unfair.
"I could be your friend, Amir," I said aloud in German. "Your girlfriendeven.
But you'd have to choose between me and that fag." I sighed. I could only
wonder, what would he choose? "You'd make the right choice." I said. "I know
it." I was so engrossed that I didn't notice Farsef come up behind me. Farsef
was this annoying boy in my class that always picked on me. If he wasn't trying
it on, I mean. That boy seriously needed to make up his mind.
"Hello, beautiful girl." He snaked his arms around my waist.
I immediately pushed him off me. "Farsef! Stay away from me! I'm not in the
mood."
"I see. I love your feisty nature, sweet thing," he said, trying to kiss me on
the lips.
OH NO! NOT HAPPENING! NO WAY IN HELL! I knocked his hand away. "I said I'm not
in the mood for your shit! Go away or I'll make your life hell when I see you
in school again after the winter holidays," I told him angrily.
You're so cute when you're mad." He really wasn't getting the hint, was he? He
grabbed the kite string from my hand and reeled it in. "I'll just take this,
shall I? You can have it back when you decide to be a good girl and be nice to
me."
He leant in to kiss me again but I side-stepped him. "Fuck off," I gritted
through my teeth. Farsef raised his hand high above his head and brought it
down upon my cheek. I let out a little gasp of pain and shock as my head jerked
to one side. "Son of a fucking bitch!" I cried out in anger.
I held my hand to my cheek and felt hot tears sting it. Farsef had now run off
with my kite. I whimpered and ran back to Assef. "Assef! Assef!" I cried. I was
now sobbing. Damn, that slap had hurt. I felt helpless against Farsef and
helplessness was not a feeling I particularly enjoyed having.
"What is it, Saria?" Assef asked, immediately concerned. His hands were on my
shoulders, looking into my face.
"It was Farsef. He stole my k-k-kite from me!" I whimpered pathetically.
Assef put his hand into his pocket and pulled out the brass knuckles. "Don't
worry. I'm going to get it back to you, kiddo." We both ran off in the
direction of where Farsef had run off. Soon, Assef, Wali and Kamal had him
cornered. "Hello," Assef said politely, holding out his hand for the kite. I
noticed it was the one with the brass knuckles. He was going to learn not to
fuck around with the Ahmed family soon enough. "I'll thank you not to steal
things from my sister."
"Yeah, it's mean to steal from young ladies," Wali said, glancing at my
brother, a hint of a tremor in his voice.
"So, you're Saria's brother?" Farsef scoffed. "You should be thanking me. I
slapped some sense into her. Maybe now she won't disrespect me."
'Oh! You just sealed your fate, cunt!' I thought to myself. Assef stepped
closer so he was right in Farsef's face.
"You slapped my sister?" he asked, his voice dangerously low. "You slapped my
sister?" I knew shit was going to go down now. I smiled to myself. 'You're
going to get in, kunis!'
I thought to myself, looking at Farsef. Farsef didn't see the first punch
coming. Assef was a skilled fighter, and I knew he would have the upper hand. I
also knew that nothing made Assef angrier than seeing me get hurt. I watched
with reverence as he pounded his fist into Farsef's face again and again. It
only took three blows for Farsef to be on his knees.
"P-please," he choked, coughing up blood and teeth, staining his shirt.
"Please, no more. I'm s-so sorry!" He was crying now and he bowed his head to
avoid more slaps, but Assef knew what he was doing and yanked on his hair so he
could get in more punches.
"Nobody hits my sister!" Assef was roaring. "I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU PAY IN
BLOOD FOR WHAT YOU DID TO HER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? IF YOU HURT HER, YOU HURT
ME! YOU ARE DEAD, KUNIS!" I watched in absolute awe, enthralled! Farsef was
getting exactly what he deserved! I wouldn't want to be him now, I can tell
you! Assef brought his knee up and slammed it hard into Farsef's face. I'm not
sure at which point he fell down, but that didn't deter my brother. He kept
pounding into him hard!
I was delighted! Assef made a grab for the kite but Farsef moved it away.
"Stupid," I muttered in Pasthu. Assef lunged for the kite, and then it
happened. Farsef somehow managed to grab Assef's hand and pin it down. In
retaliation, Assef bit down hard on Farsef's head. They tugged at each other
for a few moments, before Farsef let out a horrid shriek. There was a
disgusting ripping noise, and Assef tore his mouth away from the side of
Farsef's head.
There was something in my brother's mouth but I couldn't see what it was.
Farsef was screaming something rotten now, more so than he had originally been.
Assef spat whatever he had in his mouth onto the gutter. Farsef turned his head
to face me. I caught a glimpse of him, then was almost sick on the spot! His
right ear had been bitten clean off! There was nothing but a gaping hole and
blood. I could even see his skull. I covered my mouth with my hands in shock.
This was something else! 'My brother did that!' I thought to myself.
It was absolutely enthralling. I was sickened but I was turned on at the same
time! I had never witnessed anything like this before! Farsef was now on his
knees trying to fish his right ear from the muddy gutter. Assef dropped down
beside him and opened up the grate.
"Here, let me help you," he said, and slammed Farsef's face inside. He leant
across him and snatched up the bloodied kite. "Thanks," he said to the sobbing,
earless boy. He walked back over to me and held out the kite. "It's ripped," he
said. "It must have gotten damaged during the fight. I'm so sorry, Saria. Tell
you what, show me where you got it from and I'll buy you a new one. My treat,
kiddo."
I nodded my head, delighted. "Thank you, Assef. I love you."
"I love you too, kiddo." Assef smiled and held out his hand for mine. We walked
away. I turned my head to look back at Farsef. He was still struggling inside
the gutter, his face squashed, his ear missing! I smirked inwardly. It was his
own fault! He fucked with me and he paid the price! Now, at least, he would
learn to stay far, far away from me on the playground!
Yes, it was clear who was in control now. As I walked with my brother to buy a
new kite, I could only wonder... 'can I stay on top?'
***** Branding Adia *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria watched with morbid fascination as Assef
     violently beat Farsef within an inch of his life and ripped his ear
     clean off. She was both sickened and delighted to see just how far
     her brother would go to defend her honor. Now, she faces the prospect
     of spending yet another day with Adia.....
I stood in my bedroom, glancing in the mirror, dressed in nothing but panties.
My clothes lay strewn on the floor. I was having another wardrobe crisis. Most
of my dresses had been put in the wash by my stupid bitch of a mother. I mean,
they weren't even thatdirty. I sighed to myself. This was going to make chosing
an outfit a lot more difficult. I groaned in frustration as I stared at the
clothes on my bed. What was I going to wear today? I was meeting up with Adia
for the first time since "the event," and I wanted to make a very good
impression to her family.
She was taking me to her grandma's house and I wanted to look my absolute best.
It's not like I needed to worry, though. Old people love me. I'm so sweet and
generous that they can't help themselves! Ha! If only they knew what really lay
inside my soul. The darkness and terror that I feed on. Oh, I couldn't wait to
see my bitch again. What would I make her do this time? Eat dirt? Roll in dog
feces? Eat dog feces? I smirked to myself at the thought. The possibilities of
torture for her were endless! I pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that
said "Little Angel" on the front.
I smiled. That saying was a complete lie. I was no angel. In fact, I was more
of a devil than an angel but t-shirts like that don't wash well with elderly
people and I wanted to make sure Adia's nana loved me. I always had to try very
hard to get people to like me. It's very tiring, hiding behind this mask of
innocence. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just tore it off. Would my
life be better if I didn't hide? Would I have a chance?
That is why I feel I must write my story down. Then I can give details of the
person I have always been forced to hide. The side of me nobody else could know
about. Well, except for Assef. I would never forget what he had done to Farsef!
And he had done that for me! I had the best brother in the universe, there was
no denying it. I brushed my hair and tied it into one long plait and put on my
shoes. "Okay, Saria, you know the drill," I told the girl in the mirror. "Just
play the game and nobody will suspect anything. You don't want a repeat of
three months ago so just keep your temper in check.
Don't let what they say get to you. They don't know you," I gave myself a
little pep talk in Pashtu. I knew I would have to behave my absolute best
today, at least until we left her grandmother's. Then, I could truly be myself!
I smiled as I walked downstairs. Hopefully I might meet up with Amir today. I
had a massive crush on the boy, and intended to make him mine! Once I got rid
of Hassan, that is. I couldn't believe someone as hot as Amir was willing to
touch that disgusting Hazara. Didn't he realize how it made him look? Hazaras
were disgusting. My brother always told me this.
I grabbed my coat. Papa waited for me by the bottom of the stairs and put a
hand on my shoulders. "Are you looking forward to today?" he asked.
"I can't wait to see my friend again," I told him honestly.
He squatted down in front of me so we were level. "Remember, Saria, I expect
you to be on your best behaviour today."
"Caa, agha," I muttered, shifting from one foot to the other. Lowering my eyes,
I played the cute card to the best of my ability.
"Because Yuri is one of the sweetest ladies I have ever met and I will be very
disappointed if you upset or hurt her in any way."
Yuri was Adia's grandmother. I hated sweet people more than anything! I would
have to work very hard to keep my fiery temper in check. I nodded to my father.
"Caa, agha. I'll be good, I promise," I said in a little girly voice. Papa
hugged me tightly.
"I know you will, Saria. You'll have a lovely time today." I didn't think that
would be true. I had to refrain from groaning loudly.
"I hope so, Papa," I said as I waved. "I'll see you later."
"Assef will pick you up from Yuri's house at seven-o-clock this evening. You'll
stay there for tea."
I smiled. They still didn't trust me to sleep over in Adia's house or her
family's after the last time. Good! I would have hated to spend the night with
those cunts! I brushed my hair back from my face and walked out the door. "Bye
Papa!" I walked a few paces down the road before turning my attentions to the
packet of cigarettes in my pocket. No, before you ask, I don't smoke.
I may be dangerous and violent, a true sociopath, but I'm not a smoker. The
things disgust me, the very idea of inhaling their toxins makes me sick, but
they come in useful. I would mark Adia as mine tonight. She would know, the
moment she woke up, that she belonged to me and me only. I was going to control
her. I was in charge. I smirked to myself, enjoying the feeling of power.
A few teenage boys passed me and stopped. One of them looked at the cigarettes
in my hand. "You selling?" he asked. "I can get you some cash if you want. Of
course, if it's free, that's better by us, isn't it boys?"
I looked at him and shook my head. "Um, no," I told him. "These are mine. Not
for sale."
He took a step closer and cupped my chin. "You look a bit young to be smoking?"
he mused to himself. "How old are you?"
"Eleven," I replied proudly. "Twelve in a few months time."
"You don't look eleven." I knew this statement was true. I dressed young for my
ages, wearing girly dresses and tying my hair in pigtails, with ribbons on
either side. It was part of the ploy to fool the adult world with my charming
demeanour. At best, with that combined with my short stature, I looked only
eight. Nine at best. I looked at him with my best "little cutie" eyes.
"I'll be going now. It was nice to meet you all. Maybe I'll see you again some
time?" I remembered to speak politely at all times.
The boy (whose name I never found out, by the way) reached out and grabbed my
wrist. "Leaving so soon, little one?" he asked, his breath bitter on my face.
"Stay a while. Might as well put those ciggies of yours to good use." He was
reaching for my pocket, his hand groping my ass. Instantly, the beast inside of
me was raging to be set loose. I wanted to set him alight! To see him squirm at
my feet as the flames charred his skin. To see their melted eyes, as I would be
the last thing they saw! I wanted them to enter hell! My temper was like a
ticking time bomb and by groping me, he was setting it off! 'Tick tock, tick
tock... BOOM!'
I laughed inwardly. Then one of the boys looked at me. He stepped closer.
"Saria Ahmed?" he asked, his voice shaking. I knew exactly why.
"The very same," I replied cockily.
"A-A-Assef Ahmed's baby sister?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Are you in his class?"
The boy nodded. He took a step back. Empowered, I puffed my chest out and took
another step towards him. "He talks about me?" I asked smugly.
"All the t-time." He turned to his friends, who were each looking at me with a
mixture of fear and awe.
"Did he tell you about Farsef?" I asked. "Farsef has no ear on the right hand
side of his head now. Pity. But Assef hates to see me get hurt or upset in any
way." I smiled. I had them. I always knew I could count on Assef to save me,
even if he wasn't even in the vicinity. The very name of him struck terror in
the hearts of millions.
"We s-should go." And they ran, like puppies with their tails between their
legs.
"Run back to your mommies!" I called, cackling. I was now in better spirits! I
always was when I won a confrontation! Especially after a confrontation that I
knew I had little hope of winning! Don't get me wrong, I pack a mean punch (and
kick but that's besides the point) but in a fight against three teenage boys
who probably weighed double of me? I knew I was in danger. What would I have
done had one of them not known Assef? What could I have done? Would they have
beaten me? Killed me? Raped me? I wasn't sure. The thought of not being in
control actually terrified me, though I'll kill you if you tell anyone what I
say.
Haha! No, I did not allow it to show but inside I had been absolutely
petrified. I needed to be much more careful where I walked. I wouldn't always
have my big brother around to protect me. Well, next time I was with Adia, she
could stick up for me. After all, isn't that what friends are for? I could care
less what happened to her as long as I was safe. I knew it was callous of me to
think these things, but when have I ever had a heart? I thought about how much
I was willing to hurt sweet Adia, about how enthralled I became watching my
brother disfigure someone.
I was, as they say in America; a sociopath. Just like my big brother. It was
thrilling, the very thought of violence and discord, of my enemies begging for
mercy at my feet! I just had to choose my enemies more wisely next time, that
was all. I smiled to myself as I walked down the street to Yuri's house. People
watched me walk and mothers smiled kindly at me. To them, I looked like an
innocent child. A girl with a pure soul. Ha! If only they knew. If only I could
show them the dark receding of my inner heart and mind. I doubted they'd be
smiling at me then!
Yes, I would manipulate them all, twist them until they wrapped around my
pinkie finger. Yuri would be no exception. From what I heard, she was about
seventy but my cruelty shows no boundaries to age. What kind of dangerous
psychopath would I be if it did? No, if she fucked with me, I would deal with
her. Simple. As. That. It was with this thought in my mind that I knocked upon
the door. A friendly looking, elderly woman with graying hair answered. She
smiled at me, showing her teeth, or rather, the lack of them. She had wrinkles
covering every inch of her ugly dog face. I suppressed a giggle. The woman got
down on her knees and hugged me tightly. I was shocked! Excuse me? I was not
big on PDAs. The only person I willingly allowed to embrace me was Assef. Who
did this bitch think she was?
The wrinkled cow pulled away from me (I'm going to call her that in here from
now on, ha!) and surveyed me like a naughty puppy.
"I'm sorry if I frightened you, my dear, but you are just an angel. What an
adorable little girl. Are you Saria?" she said my name slowly, as though I
would not understand it.
I nodded my head. "Yes. I am Saria. It's nice to meet you," I said through
gritted teeth. I told myself to stay calm, and to remember my punishment from
last time I lost my fiery temper. I looked at Wrinkled Cow and forced an
angelic smile. "It's real nice of you to invite me over. I've missed my
friend," I told her honestly. It wasn't a lie, well, the "friend" part was.
"Adia is just in the kitchen baking cookies. Would you like to join her?"
"I love baking!" I clapped my hands together in childish joy! Wrinkled Cow took
me into the kitchen, where Adia was busy baking. I ran to her and saw her
shrink back in fear. I threw my arms around her.
"OH IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU!" I shouted gleefully. Adia nodded. I leant into
her ear.
"You almost gave the game away bitch. Don't look so scared. What? Do you think
I would be so bold as to harm you in front of your precious grandmother? Do you
think I'm that dumb- don't answer!" I hissed as she began to open her mouth.
"I'm just saying, is all." I whispered lowly into her ear so Wrinkled Cow could
not hear. "I'm so pleased to spend the day with my best friend!" I said loudly.
"Me too," Adia smiled. I kept an arm around her and looked into the bowl.
"Cookies?" I asked in mock-excitement. "I love cookies! Yummy yummy! I can't
wait to eat them all!" I joked.
"Save some for us," Wrinkled Cow laughed. It was a fucking annoying sound that
really got on my nerves. Still, I held my sweet smile in place.
"I will, agha."
"Child, you may call me Yuri, or Nana, as dear Adia does. She already thinks of
you as part of the family."
"Thanks, Yuri. I'm glad you think it. Adia is a dear friend to me."
"I'm glad, kiddo."
I froze. My heart beat faster. 'She doesn't know. She's so stupid,' I told
myself over and over.
"Because Adia needs a friend."
"I needed one too," I told her. "I'm so glad I have the chance to spend time
with you and Adia." I kissed Adia's cheek. The gesture surprised her, but I let
it go.
"I'm glad dear. You girls have fun, and don't touch the hot oven without me
there." She rubbed her hands together to emphasize that the oven would indeed
be hot (as if I thought it would be fucking frozen) and then Wrinkled Cow left
the room, leaving me and Adia alone. Immediately, my charming demeanour was
switched off.
"Baking cookies?" I scoffed. "What a childish pastime. Does your grandma always
treat you like a baby?" Adia nodded. "B but she is very kind to me." she
stuttered. I smirked. "Of course she is. Your family is all kind. They are also
fools, but that is no compliment," I told her honestly. She bowed her head.
"What would you like to do today, Saria?" I had taught her well. Always, always
ask what I wanted, don't just assume I would like to do what you want to do.
I smiled at her, looking around to make sure Wrinkled Cow wasn't listening in.
"I'd like to take you somewhere very special to me." I told her honestly. "It's
a place that is very dear to my childhood."
"I'll ask Nana to take us."
"No!" I spat. "You can't bring anyone! Do you understand? If she asks, tell her
we're going to the playground."
"But that's lying!"
"But that's lying!" I mimicked. "Don't you think I know that? If you know
what's good for you, you'll do exactly as I say!" I leaned in close in to her
face. I could see every crevice, every pore of fear filled sweat that dripped
down her face. I shuddered in disgust. "If you don't, I'll be very upset! You
don't want me to be upset, do you?" I asked.
She shook her head. I thought of the cigarettes in my pocket. 'Just a little
longer, Saria' I thought to myself. 'Be patient and you can mark her as yours.'
"I don't like making you upset, Saria. You're my best friend," Adia said like a
robot.
"Aww, you're my best friend too!" I called loudly so that Wrinkled Cow could
hear. Then my voice dropped again. "So, as my best friend, you are to do as I
say. Do you understand?" Adia nodded.
"Yes, Saria."
I smiled at her. "Good girl. I knew you'd see things my way. Well, it's too
early for us to go just yet. Are the cookies ready to be baked?" I asked.
She nodded. "I'll get Nana."
"You do that," I replied flippantly.
"Nana!" Adia called.
Wrinkled Cow came rushing in. "Aww, are the cookies ready to go into the oven?"
she asked. She snatched the tray from my hands and almost bent my fingers back.
"Here you go, dear. I'll put them in." She did so. I rolled my eyes behind her
back. God! She was treating us like we were two! I was well able to put things
in an oven! I had done it before at home! I had cooked dinner at home! 'Keep
your temper in check, Saria,' I told myself. 'You don't want a repeat of four
months ago, do you?'
The answer to my question was no, no I did not. I knew that I had to keep my
raw emotions pushed deep inside of me. I was like a ticking time bomb. What
would make me explode? I didn't even know that myself, and that scared me. I
knew sometimes keeping control could be very tough. I didn't want to let my
emotions get the better of me! I had to keep in control of myself! What else
could I do? I smiled politely at Wrinkled Cow.
"Thank you, Wri-Yuri," I told her. I almost punched myself in the face then and
there! 'Yuri! You idiot! Her name is Yuri!' I chastised myself. You see what I
mean? I cannot keep my dark thoughts in sometimes!
"You're welcome, deary." She didn't even notice the slip up, thank God! "Why
don't you and Adia go play on the swing set and I'll call you both in for milk
and cookies in twenty minutes."
I nodded politely. "Yay!" I cheered in childish glee! "I love swings! Come on,
Adia!" I grabbed her hand, tighter than I should have, and dragged her out the
door. I ran with her out to the swings and sat down on the largest swing. I
began swinging back and forth.
Sit down," I told Adia kindly, but with a hint of authority. She settled into
the second swing and we began to swing back and forth. I waved at Wrinkled Cow
from the window. I knew I looked so sweet and innocent in my pretty t-shirt and
shorts, and my blonde hair tied back in a ribbon. She smiled at me.
I scoffed down the cookies when they arrived. I was so fucking hungry! I hadn't
eaten in ages! "These are so delicious!" I told Adia truthfully. "I love them!"
"I'm glad you like them, Saria. They're my favourite!" she said in joyful
tones.
"Mine too!" I replied. I saw her looking away. I knew she was afraid of me.
Like I said, I was like a time bomb! She had no idea when I would explode. She
knew all about my true intentions! She knew who 'Saria Ahmed' really was. I
smiled at her. "I've missed you," I told her truthfully. "It's been no fun not
having my best friend to hang out with." I smiled. "Did you miss me?"
"Yeah, I did," she said. I knew the statement was untrue but decided not to
push it.
I lay back on the swing. "Did you hear about Farsef?" I asked curiously. Adia
shook her head. I sat up and leaned towards her on my elbow. "My brother bit
his ear off!" I squealed in childish glee. "Clean off! Bones and everything!" I
was now delighting in watching her gag.
"Why?" she asked in a scared tone of voice. "Because he teased me," I replied
honestly.
"I'm sorry," Adia told me. "I used to get picked on before at school." I felt
sympathy rise in me. I put a hand on her shoulder.
"I hate being picked on," I told her. "Wouldn't you do anything to make them
stop?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Not physical violence. It's not right to hurt people,
Saria," she admonished. Instantly, all pity vanished.
"You just don't understand," I told her honestly. I looked at my watch. Ten to
two! I knew I would have to take her to mark her soon. "Adia," I told her.
"We're going to the "playground" now," I commanded. She nodded in understanding
and ran inside. Instantly, Wrinkled Cow came out. "I want you girls to promise
you'll hold hands and behave." She ordered. I nodded politely and grabbed
Adia's disgusting hand.
"Come on!" I called in glee. I ran with her down the road, and when I was sure
I would not be seen, I dropped her hand like a hot potato. "You can follow me,
can't you?" I asked. She nodded and I took off running. I couldn't wait to
finally make her mine forever! To show her somewhere really special to me! I
was delighted! I knew just the place! I laughed to myself in childish delight!
I was cruel, I knew it but that was just part of my personality. I was who I
was, and I could not change that, could I? I was made to be bad! I smiled to
myself. There was no turning back now. I was in full control! I had to keep it
that way! No matter what! No matter what! I had to keep a tight leash on my
enemies! I was not going to be put down by anyone! I was in full control and I
knew it! I didn't even need to look behind me to know that Adia was following.
Of course she was. I picked up my speed and ran faster until I reached a
deserted forest. I knew that nobody would be down there. This was the place
where I first watched Assef beat someone up for me. It brought great joy to my
heart to be in there! It was the perfect place. I caught Adia's hand and led
her inside.
She was already shaking with fear as I led her deeper and deeper into the
woods. I knew exactly how far in we needed to go! We stopped about half way and
I let her go. I could see from her eyes that she was terrified. "Don't be
afraid," I whispered. "Don't be afraid, bitch!" I caught her chin and forced
her to her knees. I stayed over her, enjoying the power. "You're my best
friend," I told her. "You mean a lot to me. I want you to know that no matter
where you run to, you cannot hide from me!" I laughed to myself at my little
"joke."
"No matter what! I will always find you! Always!" I taunted. I pulled the
cigarrettes from my pocket and watched as her eyes widened in fear.
"No!" she screamed as I lit one up. She tried to run away, but I caught her by
the throat and pushed her down. I slammed her head into the ground three times.
"Now you must be punished!" I told her. I slapped her face and picked up a
broken stick, beating her bare legs with it.
"I'm sorry!" Adia sobbed. Once I was satisfied, I stopped beating her. I lifted
her top and placed the butt of the cigarette on her stomach, just under her
breasts. She squirmed in pain, and I kept one hand on her mouth to stop her
from calling out. One never knows who might be in the woods. I pressed the
ciggie harder and harder into her stomach, as she cried out in agony! She was
really suffering! I was delighted. Adia's little face crumpled as she saw what
I was doing.
Now, she knew that her best friend was truly vicious. Any doubt that had been
in her mind was now evaporated into oblivion. After five to ten minutes (I lost
count) I took away the cigarette butt and admired my handiwork. She was now
going to have a permanent scar for the rest of her life! I smiled to myself as
I knelt beside her, my left knee putting pressure on her ribs.
"You're mine now!" I told her. "You will tell nobody of this! When your Nana
asks what happened to your legs, you'll say you fell in some nettles!" I began
spitting in her eye. "If you tell anyone, anyone of what happened today here, I
will make you wish you had never been born!" I leaned into her face. We were
almost lip to lip. "I am no pushover, Adia, and don't think that because you're
young you can mess with me! I will rip you to shreds, no matter what age you
are! If you fuck with me, you die!" I slapped her face.
"W-why?" Adia asked, shaking.
"Why?" I asked.
She nodded. "Hurt me?" she whimpered.
I laughed. "Because you hurt me! You got me grounded, and I'll never forget
that! I never forget, Adia! Never! I will always get my way, no matter what!"
"You wouldn't really kill mewould you?"
"Yes, I would," I replied honestly and in that moment, I knew that I spoke the
absolute truth. "I would kill you without a second chance! If you ever disobey
or hurt me, you will pay with your life!" I screamed. I let her up and took her
hand. "Let's go home now." We took the long route home so that I could collect
my thoughts. I knew how much control I had over her now! Death would be hers if
she disobeyed. We walked back hand in hand and I looked at her.
She was shaken up, so I hugged her tightly. "It's okay, honey!" I cooed as
nicely as was possible for a girl like me. "It's fine now!" I looked around me
and suddenly slapped her face. She burst into tears and I put my arm around her
shoulder. "Yuri! Yuri!" I called desperately, trying to sound frightened. "YURI
HELP!" I let a few crocodile tears run down my face.
Yuri ran out into the backyard. "Oh my goodness!" She did a double take at
Adia's legs. "What happened here?"
"A-Adia fell into some nettles!" I cried out.
"Yeah!" Adia cried in pain. Yuri ushered us both inside and began tending to
her.
"My poor little girl!" she cooed, holding her on her lap.
I smiled at Adia. "It's going to be okay," I told her, putting a hand on her
knee. "You're being very brave Adia. I bet those nettles hurt a lot!" I
whispered. "You're so brave!" I said.
"So... so brave!" I told her. Adia whimpered and lay closer to her grandmother.
"Nana, I don't feel to good!" she told her honestly. "I wanna lay down!"
"Okay, baby, okay," Wrinkled Cow turned to me. "Sweetie, can you ring your
brother and get him to collect you now?" she asked me.
"Of course!" I told her, trying to hide my delight. "I'm so sorry you're not
feeling well, Adia. I hope you are better soon." I hoped nothing of the sort! I
was almost skipping when Assef came in to get me. I took my brother's hand and
waved at Adia, who was whimpering under a blanket. "Bye bye, Adia! Hope you
feel better!" I told her.
"What'd you do?" Assef asked me as I walked with him down the road. I showed
him the cigarettes.
"Nothing you wouldn't have done," I told him.
He laughed and took the packet from me, placing it in his pocket. "You're
something else, kiddo!"
'Something else, something else...' I knew that was true, but what I was...
could I control it?
***** Amir and Hassan *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria burned Adia's stomach with cigarrettes as
     she claimed her as her own. Now, she is delighted to welcome her new
     crush Amir into her home, but her joy is soon short lived when she
     learns that Hassan will be joining them...
"Red and blue make purple, perfect," I mused to myself as I dipped the
paintbrush into the water. I was lying face down on the grass at the front of
the compound, paints and brushes in front of me. I had on a flowery summer
pinafore that my mother had bought for me when I was ten. (Surprisingly, it
still fit) and I had my most favoured locket around my neck. It had been a
family heirloom that my mother had gotten from her mother on her eleventh
birthday. I had a "family" picture in there, and on the right a picture of
Assef and I taken around Eid of my ninth year. In it, I was beaming, dressed in
a red and white dress (looking back, I looked like fucking Santa Claus) and
Assef had his arm around my shoulder. It was one of the few photographs I had
of just the two of us together.
I hummed to myself as I painted. The soles of my feet were filthy from the
grass and my shoes lay forgotten beside me. After a few moments, I stopped to
admire my handiwork. I had painted a beautiful field of purple flowers, the sun
shining high above them, the sky cloudless and blue. I knew Mama would be very
pleased with my pretty painting. Most of my paintings echoed my mood, and
today, I was feeling quite content. I didn't have to deal with any bitches like
Adia, or leering boys like Farsef. Speaking of Adia, I wonder what she's doing
today? She had phoned up last night, and told me, her voice shaking, that she
was going away for the day, and couldn't come out to play. I had politely told
her that this was fine, and that I would see her some other time.
To be fair, I wasn't pushed about seeing her at all. I had already played with
her twice this week. Still, it was nice of her to phone up all the same. I knew
I had her on a tight leash. I had to! I risked everything by letting her see
the real side of me! The darkness that lay deep in my heart! She had to stay
silent about the things I had done to her. If she didn't, what hope was there
for me? If society knew how dark and vicious I truly was, there was no telling
what they would do to me! Would they have me killed? I didn't know. It was a
truly frightening thought. But I would not think about that now.
No, I was having a good day today and thoughts about bitches like Adia were not
going to get in the way of that. I rolled over onto my back and admired the
clouds. There was one that looked very much like a carving knife. It was
beautiful. Or maybe that was just my interpretation of it! I imagined the havoc
I could cause with a carving knife. Ah, so many screams, so much blood! I
closed my eyes and let my imagination take me far away into the darkness of my
soul.
"Taking a nap, are we?" A voice broke me out of my thoughts. My heart began
beating at about 1,000 miles an hour. I clutched at my chest and sat up
suddenly, my eyes flying open. Who? What the fuck? I leapt to my feet, frantic.
Were we being burgled? What the hell was going on? I was alone! Everyone else
had gone out! I started shaking like an Autumn leaf, my heart beating faster,
my breath coming in ragged gasps. "Saria!" said the disembodied voice. Whoever
they were, they were laughing! And they knew my name? How was that even
possible? "Saria!"
I blinked and saw my brother standing in front of me, fighting back laughter.
"Jesus, you look like you've seen a ghost, jan!" he laughed.
Instantly, my fear evaporated, leaving me with only anger. "It's not bloody
funny, Assef!" I all but screamed at him, my voice breaking. I felt tears sting
my eyes, and I hurriedly wiped them away. "I thought you were a burglar. You
scared the life out of me!" I turned away from him and wiped my nose on the
back of my hand. I seemed to struggle to regain control of my breathing.
"God, I'm sorry, kiddo," Assef said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "I didn't
mean to frighten you," I said nothing, and continued to sniffle. What was wrong
with me? "Saria, please, talk to me. Don't cry." I turned around at latched my
arms around my brother's waist, sobbing uncontrollably. He seemed at a loss for
words, stroking my hair and making shh'ing noises. After a few minutes I pulled
away, wiped my eyes and smiled.
"I really don't know what's going on with me," I said. "I'm sorry for snapping
at you, Assef."
"Don't be. I deserved it." He ruffled my hair. "I really am sorry for scaring
you, kiddo."
"I know," I smiled. I was still feeling a little shaken up, though. "Where are
Wali and Kamal?" I asked. "I thought you were with them?"
"I was, but Wali ate a dodgy sandwich, got sick and Kamal took him home. I
didn't feel like playing doctor so I came back here."
"Poor Wali," I mused quietly. "Will he be alright?"
"Oh, he'll be fine. Nothing a nice cup of tea can't solve." My brother nodded.
I giggled uncontrollably, even though what he was saying was not actually
funny.
"Um..." Assef was staring at me. "Saria, are you alright?"
I nodded, catching my breath. "I'm fine, Assef, really." I wasn't sure what was
going on with me today. First tears and now laughter? What the fuck? "Sorry, I
lost myself there."
Assef smiled and ruffled my hair. I put my arms around his waist and buried my
face into the fabric of his chest. "Love you, Assef," I murmured.
"Love you too, kiddo," he said, slinging an arm around my shoulder. "Love you
too."
I finally seemed to regain control of my emotions, enough to pull away from my
brother and flop down onto the grass again. Assef plonked down beside me and
picked up the picture I had just painted.
"You did this?" he asked. I nodded. "Well, kiddo this is fantastic. Wonderful."
I beamed at him, happy to have someone's approval and started absent-mindedly
playing with the hem of my dress.
"Thank you," I muttered shyly. Assef leaned over and gently kissed the top of
my head, playing with my hair.
"You're welcome, Saria." I slipped my shoes back on my feet and packed my
paints away.
"I'm hungry," I admitted and my stomach echoed my thoughts, grumbling loudly.
"I'll see if I can rustle up something," Assef said. "Mother and Father aren't
going to be back from getting the groceries for another half an hour."
I sighed loudly, treking back to the house.
"I'm sure I can find some bread to toast for you, if you'd like that." I turned
back to my brother and smiled. "That would be perfect. Thank you," I said. I
still felt extremley guilty for snapping at him earlier and was trying to be
extra nice to make it up to him as I knew he was doing the same for frightening
me.
'We really are a pair,' I thought to myself, giggling slightly. 'Both love
causing discord to others, but can't stand even the notion of doing it to each
other.' As soon as we got back inside, I ransacked the cupboards for bread. I
was soon disappointed when I saw there was nothing in there. I would have eaten
out of a bin I was that hungry.
"GOD DAMN IT, WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL THE FOOD!" I roared, my legendary temper
getting the better of me once again. I threw open the refrigerator door with
such force that I nearly took it off its hinges. Nothing. "WHERE THE FUCK IS
THE FOOD?" I screamed, pulling a gone-off pint of milk out and firing it into
the bin. I slammed the fridge door shut, then tore it open again, hoping that I
would find food inside once I did.
It didn't happen. "FOR FUCK SAKE!" I shouted, as I usually did when things did
not go my way. I kicked at the fridge, almost bringing it down on top of
myself. I jumped up and down, my hunger melting into complete anger.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FOOD! I'M HUNGRRRRRRRRYYYY!" I screamed, punching the
fridge door. I sank to my knees, utterly exhausted, and banged my head
repeatedly against the fridge. "AHHHH!" I screamed.
That was how Assef found me when he came in from the bathroom. "The name of
Allah are you doing, child?" he asked, kneeling beside me.
I moaned. "Hungry," I said, all my temper evaporating. I slammed my fists into
the fridge.
Assef took my hands in his and turned me away. "Don't do that, darling. Come
on, you're going to hurt yourself."
I nodded. I wasn't sure what was going on with me today? Was I sick? I
sincerley hoped not. "Sorry," I muttered. "Stupid."
Assef wiped a tear out of my eye. "Two things, kiddo. One, don't apologize, and
two, don't call yourself stupid. That's a term for Hazaras. Not a pretty girl
like you."
I beamed. Trust Assef to make me feel a million times better without even
trying. I kissed his cheek.
"Thank you, Assef. I love you."
Assef kissed my forehead. "Love you too, you crazy child." He held out his hand
for me and we both got up off the floor.
"You're calling me crazy?" I asked, laughing. "You're the crazy one, Assef
Goshkor!" I giggled, using the nickname my brother had gotten from his run in
with Farsef. Assef grinned and ruffled my hair.
"I'll have you know," he said, grabbing a tea towel and batting me with it. I
side-stepped him. "I did that for you." I smiled and ran from him, tripping
over my own feet in my haste to get away. Assef grabbed me round the waist and
threw me down on the sofa. I shrieked with laughter.
"Alright!" I giggled, as his fingers dug into my ribs (my most ticklish spot)
"I give! You're not crazy!" I threw my arms around my brother's waist and
buried my face in his shirt. "You're the best brother ever," I said in a little
girly lisp, my voice muffled by the fabric.
"And you're the best sister ever." I beamed at this. My bad mood had instantly
evaporated, however I did not know whether it would be gone now the entire day.
I was a ticking time bomb these past few weeks! I was beginning to lose control
of my emotions! I hoped this would not happen! If it did, I would have no hope.
I had to remember to stay in control. My stomach growled again but I ignored
it. I would just have to wait to have something to eat. I could scream all I
wanted, yell until my throat was hoarse, but it wouldn't do me any good.
I just had to be patient and wait until Mama and Papa got home from doing the
groceries. I knew it wouldn't take that long. The store was only a few minutes
walk from our home. I could hold on, couldn't I? After an agonizing twenty
minutes (it felt like two hundred) I heard the key in the door. "They're home!"
I shrieked excitedly. I jumped from the sofa and ran to the door. "Mommy!
Daddy!" I called in glee. I quickly took one of the large shopping bags from my
mother's hand and raced to the kitchen. 'Please Allah let there be food in
here!' I thought to myself as I peered inside.
"What's gotten into you?" Papa asked, amazed by my crazy behaviour.
"She's starved," Assef said, coming into the kitchen and sitting down at the
table.
"I feel like I haven't eaten in years!" I laughed. I grabbed an apple and bit
down, sighing heavily as the delicious juices enveloped my taste buds. This was
good stuff!
"Wow, you must have been really hungry!" Mama commented. She always had
something stupidly obvious to say.
"Yes, Mama. I was starving," I said, eating quickly, as though afraid the fruit
would be gone soon!
"What would my little girl like to do today?" Papa asked me. This made me
think. What would I like to do? I knew I couldn't ask Adia to play. She, as I
have already stated, was with her family. I also knew that Mama and Papa were
hinting that they wanted me to have a friend over to play. I know I've said
this already, but they were very worried that I was lacking in the "friends
department". Was it my fault that all the children in school were complete
bitches? No, I rather think it wasn't.
"What would I like to do today?" I questioned aloud. I put my finger on my chin
and pretended to be deep in thought. I knew I had to say something to make them
both happy. I had to keep my parents happy, didn't I? 'Wait!' I said to myself.
'I've got it! The perfect way to keep both them and I happy! Oh, Saria, you are
a genius!' "Papa, do you know Amir Kalahari?" I asked.
Papa looked at me and nodded. "His father and I are good friends," he told me.
Oh, this was so perfect!
"I met him the other day while Assef and I were out shopping." Assef smiled at
me. He knew how much I liked Amir. "I think he and I could be good friends.
Would it be okay if he came over to play today?"
Mama beamed at me and Papa put an arm around my shoulders. "I'm sure I can
arrange that if my little princess wants." I had to fight back a smirk at the
nickname. "Little princess..." I was more like the "Wicked Queen."
"Oh, thank you Papa!" I said, not even having to pretend my elation the way I
did with Adia. "I can't wait! Call him now! Call him now!" I was almost
bouncing in my seat.
"Steady on, child. We will call them after lunch."
As promised, Papa went to phone Amir's family straightway after lunch. I was
almost dying from the excitement! Would he say yes? Would he? I was a bundle of
nerves inside! I just couldn't wait! Finally, Papa emerged from his study.
"Amir's father is going to drop them up in half an hour." I was so excited that
I didn't even register that he said "them." I was screaming in excitement! I
bounced up and down on my seat a few times in childish joy!
"I can't wait!" I said ecstatically. "I can't wait to see him! This is going to
be so much fun!" 'Amir is such a hottie!' I thought to myself. I couldn't say
this, though. How embarrassing would that be? "Oh, thank you, Daddy!" I said in
utter delight. I honestly couldn't make the next half hour pass fast enough! I
just wanted to be with Amir! I wanted to make him mine! God knows how much of a
crush I had on this boy! I was floating with elation at the prospect of being
allowed spend some time with him.
Inwardly, I felt a little stab of guilt for Kamal (he had, of course, been
there first) but I knew deep down that Kamal and I could never be. He was way
too old for me, at seventeen and I knew he just saw me as a child. At least
Amir and I were practically the same age. Oh, he was a year older than me, but
what's a year in a relationship, hmm?
"I just can't wait!" I said again. "I know we're going to be such good
friends!" I leapt from my chair, almost knocking it back. "It's going to be so
much fun!" I yelled. "I'm going to get ready for our playdate!" I shrieked in
elation once more and ran up the stairs.
However, as I was halfway up, I heard Papa and Mama talking. "Saria seems to
really like that boy," Mama was saying.
"Yes, I'm glad she's made another friend," Papa replied. I snuck downstairs and
crouched by the door. "I hope the three of them will have a fun day today."
'Three?' I thought to myself.
"Three?" Mama echoed my thoughts.
"Yes, Yusef asked if Amir's servant Hassan could come over and play too. Amir's
glued to that boy. They do everything together."
I froze in shock. 'NO!' I screamed inwardly. God no! This wasn't happening! It
couldn't be! Hassan couldn't come! He couldn't! He'd ruin everything! I ran up
to my room and threw myself on the bed, pounding the pillow with my fists.
"NO!" I whispered aloud. "This can't be fucking happening! Why does that
goddamn Hazara have to hang around! Fucking hell! Whyyy?" I questioned myself.
I jumped up and down in frustration. This wasn't fair! I got up and moved to
the mirror. The sweet reflection that always hid my true heart! I looked at
her, watched her smile.
"Saria," I told her. "You have to play your cards right. Are you going to let
some Hazara make you feel this way? Are you?" I felt stupid for talking to
myself, but I carried on regardless. "No, you're stronger than that! You have
to pretend that nothing is wrong! Just wait until you get him alone! You can
let your anger fly then, but no sooner! No sooner! Is there going to be a
repeat of Adia's sleepover? Is there a reason for you to lose control? To allow
yourself to get into big trouble? NO! NOT EVER! Stay in control, Saria. Stay in
control."
I have to admit, talking to my sweet reflection made me feel loads better,
strange as it was! I had full control over my emotions. I had to. I brushed my
hair into two pigtails and straightened my dress. I wanted to look my absolute
best for Amir. I walked downstairs and into the living room. I knew full well
that I would be under great scrutiny today! My parents were so interfering when
it came to me making friends! They were still worried that I would go through
life alone, even after I had "befriended" Adia. I think they wanted me to be
one of those girls who were popular and had their own cliques. HA! I would
never have a clique. I wanted to stay as far away from those bitches on the
playground as possible.
Not for my sake but for theirs. It was clear now how dangerous I could be when
I lost control of my dark side. I had to keep away from people who might bring
out the worst in me. My wandering thoughts brought me back to Hassan. I wanted
nothing to do with the Hazara, but I knew that I had to stay in control of my
emotions! I was not going to let him get the better of me! It was with this
thought in my head that I went to welcome them both into my house when they
came. "Hello!" I called in childish glee, bowing my knees to Amir's father. "My
name is Saria Ahmed!" I informed him.
"It's very nice to meet you, Saria," he told me, offering his hand for me to
shake. I placed my tiny hand in his larger one, biting my lip sweetly.
"It's so nice to meet you too, agha!" I replied politely. "Amir, Hassan, it's
so good to see you again!" I called. I beamed at both of them. "I know we're
going to have so much fun today!" I exclaimed.
"Well, I won't keep you three. You probably have all sorts of fun things
planned. Hassan, I'll be back at tea time to pick you both up." I wondered why
he didn't address Amir, after all, Amir was his son.
"Caa, agha sahib." Hassan nodded.
"You have fun." He ruffled Hassan's hair and left.
"Don't just stand in the hallway, come on in!" I said. I took Amir by the hand
and dragged him inside. I turned to see Hassan standing awkwardly in the
doorway. "Hey, Hassan, don't just stand there, come on!" I grabbed his arm and
dragged them both inside. I felt disgusting, touching Hassan, but I had to play
the game by my parents rules. I raced into the kitchen with the boys. "Look
who's here, Mama, Papa!" I called.
"Aww, well hello there." Papa shook hands with both of them.
"It's so nice to meet the two of you," Mama said. "I just know you three are
going to be great friends."
"Oh I know we are, Mama!" I said, rocking back and forth on my heels. "It's
going to be so much fun having you two over to play!" I told Amir and Hassan,
bouncing in childish elation. Assef came into the room and sat down beside our
parents. I saw Amir gulp.
"Well, this is a lovely surprise!" said my brother.
"You two know each other?" I asked.
"We pass each other on the street," Assef told me. Amir looked terrified. I
smiled reassuringly at him. "You three fancy a game of volleyball?" Hassan
looked at his feet and Amir twitched.
"No, Assef, it's fine. Maybe later?" I suggested.
"Alright, kiddo. You three have fun." Assef got up to leave the room. Before
going, he turned to Amir, smiling. "You be nice to my baby sister, Amir,
Hassan," he joked. Only I caught the veiled threat in that "joke."
"What would you like to do?" I asked.
"Dunno, it's your house, Saria," Amir shrugged.
"Amir agha is right, this is your home."
I looked at my parents. "But you're my guests. What would you like to do today?
We have until tea time so I'm sure there's lots of fun things you can think for
us to do today!" I exclaimed.
"I can't really think of anything at the moment," said Amir. 'Wow, you're so
cute!' I thought. 'Alright, Saria, snap out of it' I told myself.
"Well, how about we go up to my room?" I suggested. "We can find something fun
to do up there."
"Is your bedroom tidy, young lady?" Mama asked. I clenched my fists and gritted
my teeth. I wanted to strike her then and there. Young lady? Really? I was a
very tidy person and kept my room spotless. It hid this diary and other secrets
I didn't want my parents knowing about.
"Yeah, it's always clean," I said.
"Alright, you cheeky miss, go on. You three have fun!" Papa called, ruffling my
hair. I led Amir and Hassan up the stairs to my room and shut the door.
"This is clean," Hassan mused.
"Yeah?" I said. "I try my best."
"I wish Amir agha kept his room as clean as you keep yours," he told me.
"Really?" I asked, curiously.
"It would make my work a lot easier, agha."
"Hey, I'm still here!" Amir joked.
"Sorry, Amir agha," Hassan said, looking ashamed.
"I'm just teasing, you donkey." I could tell they were great friends. I would
have to work very hard to get Hassan out of the picture.
"You have a lovely home, agha." Hassan said kindly.
"Oh, Hassan, thank you!" I said. "You can call me Saria. I insist."
"Alright, Saria."
"I didn't know you and Assef were siblings," Amir said.
"Yeah, he's my big brother." My chest automatically puffed up with pride when I
said this sentence. "My best friend in the world." Amir gulped. I put a
reassuring hand on his shoulder and felt a jolt through my body. Hassan was
looking at the books in my shelf.
"You read a lot?"
"Yeah, at times. Do you?" I questioned.
"I'm illi... illi... illi..." Hassan stuttered over the words like the idiot he
was.
"Illiterate," Amir said slowly as though talking to an impudent child.
"Yeah, that's the word! I'm illiterate! I never learned how to read and write,"
Hassan said. "Amir agha always reads to me. My favourite story is Rostam and
Sohrab. Do you know it?"
"I've heard of it," I mused. "Is that the story where the father kills his son,
Amir?"
"Yeah."
"Amir agha writes brilliant stories too!" Hassan told me. He was infuriating!
Would he not just shut the fuck up?
"They're not that good," Amir blushed. "Honestly, Hassan, you're embarrassing
me." 'Me too.' I thought, but of course kept my mouth shut.
"No, agha, you write brilliantly! You're going to be a famous author one day, I
just know it!" Hassan flopped down on my bed (Goddamn it, I just made it and
that fucking dope is messing it up) "When we're older, Amir agha is going to
buy me a television!"
"Wow, lucky!" I said. "Assef's trying to get Mama and Papa to buy us one too.
If he does you are all welcome to come watch."
"Thank you," said Amir politely. I smiled and sat down beside Hassan.
"This is nice, isn't it?" I asked. "I don't really have that many friends at
school, so I always love getting the chance to play with people my age."
"Don't you and your brother..." Amir trailed off.
"Of course, but you know how older brothers can be!" I joked. In fact, I would
rather be with Assef than anybody else. You probably don't need to be told that
my mind differs from the regular eleven year old child. "I love to have people
over to play," I said.
"Cool. Um, Saria, where is your bathroom?" Amir asked.
"Down the hall to the left."
"Be back in two minutes," he said. I could see he was desperate to go.
"Go on, Amir. I'm sure Hassan and I won't burn the place down in your absence!"
I wanted to burn Hassan down. The thought brought me great comfort.
Amir left. As soon as he was gone, I gave Hassan a forceful shove, and knocked
him from my bed. He landed with a "thud" on the floor. "The floor's where you
should be, you disgusting Hazara," I told him.
I dropped to my knees beside him and kept one hand on his wrist to keep him
from moving away. "You people disgust me to my core! I wish you would all die
and leave Afghanistan for Pashtuns! Afghanistan for Pashtuns! That's my
brothers vision, Hassan, and mine too!"
I leaned down so I was right in his face, my teeth bared like a wild animal's.
He cowered away from me, trembling in fear. I slammed his head down against the
floor, laughing as he winced in pain. "I didn't want you to come, you know. I
only wanted to play with Amir, but you had to tag along like a spaniel, didn't
you?" I snapped.
I knew Hassan must have been terrified. I revelled in seeing the fear in his
eyes. "Well, you listen to me, Hassan, and you listen good! I'm doing you a
favour, letting you come here! If you tell Amir what happened here between us,
I will make sure you pay in blood and lots of it! You're toeing a very thin
line and you do not want to cross it. It won't be pretty for you if you do."
I slapped him across the face (why not?) and let him up. I saw Amir coming back
from the toilet and gave Hassan a quick hug. "Remember, you Hazara whore," I
whispered. "Just one fucking word of this and you're dead." I stepped back and
smiled.
"You've been gone so long, Amir!" I said. "Hassan and I were beginning to worry
you'd fallen down the toilet!" I joked.
Hassan laughed shakily. "Y-yeah, are you alright?"
"Fine," Amir nodded. "And you?"
"I'm fine, Amir agha."
"Good, so we're all fine!" I said happily. "Well, it's too nice a day to spend
indoors. I have a pool outside! Come on, we can sit out!" I suggested.
"Alright," Amir said. We went outside. I skipped over to the pool. I looked up
and saw Mama watching us from the window. I waved to her and smiled. I had to
keep pretending. I found a spot just by the pool and sat down on the grass.
"Well, don't just stand there you two," I called. "Come and sit down with me."
They both obliged and sat on either side of me. "Isn't this so nice!" I asked.
"I live for days like this! God knows we don't get them all that often!"
"Only another month until we go back to school," Amir mused.
"We'd better make the most of our freedom while we still have it!" I quipped. I
turned to Hassan. "You're so lucky that you never have to go to school,
Hassan." I told him. "Your life must be like one big holiday. I'm so jealous!"
I teased.
Hassan looked down at his feet. "It's not all that great. I'd really like to go
to school and learn to read and write." God, he was just like Adia! A self-
righteous little brat! I wanted to strike him then and there but I couldn't do
it with Amir watching. I smiled.
"Well, you can swap with me anytime! You go to school and I stay home! I
guarantee you'll hate it!" I teased.
The minutes and hours ticked on while we sat in awkward silence. I wished more
than anything that Amir and I were alone. That was all I wanted. Just some time
with the boy I had a crush on. Was that so much to ask? Was it? Why did that
goddamn Hazara have to tag along too? I hated Amir's father for allowing this.
Why couldn't Hassan have stayed at home where he belonged? I almost wanted to
scream in frustration at having him sit so close to me! I looked at Amir. Was I
giving him any hints about the hatred I felt towards his "friend?" Was I being
careful?
I knew the answer was yes. I was playing my cards just right! He was as blind
as everyone else. He too, thought I was a sweet, kind-hearted girl. I
remembered how angry I had become when Hassan crashed into me at market all
that time ago. To their credit, neither of the boys thought anything of it. I
guess everyone gets angry sometimes! For me, anger comes all too often, as it
was coming now. I hated this! I just wanted Amir and I to be alone!
Before I could allow my temper to be unleashed, I stood up. "I'm going inside
for a few moments," I told the boys. "You two wait outside, but don't have too
much fun while I'm gone!" I smiled at them and then raced upstairs to my room.
I fell to my knees and began pounding my fists on the carpet. "NOOO! NOO!" I
screamed in rage. "Could this day get any worse?" I questioned myself. "Stupid
Hazara! STUPID FUCKING HAZARA!" I heard the door open and Assef walked in.
"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned, dropping to his knees beside me.
Instantly, I latched onto my brother and sobbed. "Assef I hate it!" I moaned
aloud. "I hate it! I wish Hassan was gone! It's hell! It's all hell!" I wailed.
Assef rubbed my back and rocked me back and forth while I cried. "All I wanted
was to have Amir come over to play. That's all I wanted!" I cried.
"Oh, kiddo. I hate seeing you cry. Isn't there anything I can do to make it
better?" I looked at my brother.
"I want Hassan to leave! I want him gone!" I cried. "I have a plan to draw a
wedge between them. Will you help me?"
Assef nodded. "Anything for you, little sister. Anything."
We both walked downstairs and into the compound once again. "Hassan," Assef
called. "Come here. I have something really cool I want to show you!" I had to
applaud my brother. He was such a good actor when the need arose! We both were!
"Go on, Hassan. It's really cool!" I said. Hassan nodded and walked off. I sat
beside Amir. "You know, it's so lovely that you would bring your servant to
play. You are so sweet!" I trailed off. "Hassan is so lucky to have a friend
like you."
"Really?" Amir asked. "To be honest, Saria, I only took him because I was told
to by my father."
"He annoys you?" I questioned. Amir nodded.
"Sometimes. I didn't want him to come." I could see the anger in his eyes. I
smirked to myself. Hassan came back.
"You don't have many friends beside Hassan, do you?" I asked innocently. Amir's
eyes flashed with shame and rage. I hid my smirk.
"Hello again, Amir agha!" he said, beaming.
"Shut up, Hassan!" Amir screamed angrily.
Hassan looked shocked. "Amir agha, are you alright?"
"No!" he said. "No, Hassan, I am not alright. Why the hell did you have to come
here? I just wanted to play with Saria by myself. I can have friends besides
you, can't I? Why can't you go the fuck home?"
"A-Amir agha.." Hassan stuttered.
"You should just leave! Pretend you have a stomach ache and get Baba to collect
you."
Hassan nodded sadly. I stayed silent. I had him! I fucking had the cunt. He was
in my game now! "I'll do that straight away, Amir agha. Well, bye, Saria.
Thanks for having me over."
I smiled at him. "It was my absolute pleasure, Hassan. It really was!" 'It
would be my pleasure to gut you alive,' I thought.
I had to play the part when Yusef came to get Hassan. In fairness to the
Hazara, he was good at faking a stomach ache. I gave him a quick hug as he was
leaving. "Come on, Amir!" said Baba. 'Shit!' I thought. 'I didn't want Amir to
leave too!' Amir's scowling face was a picture.
"Are you sure you'll be alright, Hassan?" I asked. I knew I had to seem
concerned. "I hope you feel a lot better soon. It was so nice to have you to
play with me!" I gave Amir a big hug too. "You take care of yourself, Amir." I
said. "It was lovely to have you both." I said, trying to hide my
disappointment that he would have to leave too.
"Sorry your plan didn't work out, kiddo," Assef said as I walked forlornly into
the kitchen.
"It wasn't your fault!" I replied. "At least I stirred the shit between them!
Hopefully one day I can get rid of that Hazara for good!" Assef nodded and
laughed.
"You're a girl after my own heart, Saria, you truly are! One day we'll drive
them from Afghanistan forever!"
"One day soon!" I told my brother. "One day soon!"
***** Arguing and Violence *****
Chapter Summary
     Last time, Saria was delighted that she was able to manipulate Amir
     into bullying Hassan. Her love for the Pashtun boy grew when she saw
     how cruel he could be to his friend. Now, we find her bored in her
     bedroom during a bad rainy spell....
I lay on my bed, silently reading. My ever clean sheets were pulled taut, my
pillow plumped to perfection by one of our maids. The only sound in the room
was that of the rain hitting the ground outside and of the pages of my book
slowly turning. I tucked a lock of blonde curls behind my ear and stared down
at the words so hard that they blurred. I was reading Rostam and Sohrab, Hassan
favourite book, for what seemed like the umpteenth time.
Unlike others who had read it, I rejoiced in the irony that Rostam had, in
fact, murdered his own son. It was so funny. I delighted in that man's pain as
he realized who it was he had stabbed. I loved to imagine the sword piercing
through Sohrab's heart, to imagine the pain he must have felt. Physical and
emotional pain, the best type of pain to make people suffer.
I rolled over onto my stomach and continued reading. My dress bunched up under
my legs, making it very distracting while I was trying to read. It was a pink
abomination with a ribbon at the back of it. The petticoat and underskirt
underneath made it kick out. It was something a three-year old would wear, and
I knew it too. I had to keep looking young and sweet for my parents, and other
unsuspecting adults like Wrinkled Cow (sorry, Yuri). My ever wandering thoughts
suddenly brought me back to Amir and Hassan. It had been a full three weeks
since I had invited them over to play.
I would be returning to school next fortnight. It was funny how the winter flew
by but the school year seemed to drag on endlessly. I was glad to be going
back, in part, however, as being in school meant I had ample time to cause
chaos and discord among the other children. How fun. Now, the school year would
be even better, as I had Adia to "play" with. Before, the teachers used to make
me sit with them, worried that I would never have a friend.
They used to "make" the other children include me, and that got me a reputation
for being a teacher's pet, a reputation I was quick to shake off. I was so glad
that I now had my bitch on side to play with. She was now on holidays with her
family in Pakistan. She was lucky. I had yet to go on a holiday and now, I
doubted that would happen. Mama and Papa truly didn't like taking family
breaks, because being alone with their son for an extended period unnerved
them.
I hoped I would see Amir again before returning to school. It doesn't need to
be said how much I want that boy for my own. I would do anything to make him
like me in the way I like him! It doesn't help that Hassan is always in the
fucking way. I had never been more furious than I had when he came to visit.
Why couldn't he have stayed at home? Wasn't that what servants did? Stayed at
home while their masters went out! I never brought one of my servants out with
me. I didn't care that Hassan and Amir were the same age! Hassan was a Hazara,
a lowly dog! He should know his place in society by now, and if he didn't, I
would be more than happy to teach him.
I leaned down and reached under my bed, pulling out the large carving knife I
had stolen from the pantry six months ago. Mama still didn't know what had
happened to it! I kept it under there just in case I ever needed to use it. I
sat admiring it, wondering what it would feel like if I used it on Hassan. I
would give anything to slash his pathetic little throat and watch him choke on
his own disgusting blood. I knew full well I couldn't kill him though. My
thoughts would have to stay a fantasy. At least for now. I stayed watching the
knife for what seemed like hours, imagining all the things that I could do with
it. Why only use it on Hassan? If I could, I would stab the world.
Adia, Javid, Yuri. All of them would be begging at my feet for mercy. But there
would be no mercy. I would show no remorse as I killed them all. I revelled in
the mental image of my enemies lying in a pool of their own blood. By the time
I had done, there would only be me, Assef and Amir left on the planet. I had no
patience for anyone else, not even my parents.
I knew I would not hesitate to kill them if they pushed me too far. They didn't
understand me, didn't understand the darkness that lurked within my soul. The
demon that hid behind the blonde curls, and blue eyes. I was happiest when I
was causing discord to other people. I wanted to be in complete control. I
gently kissed the knife, running my finger along the blade. 'One day I'll get
to use this on a Hazara,' I told myself.
'One day soon, Saria. Just you wait and see! One day there will be no Hazara's
left!' I laughed aloud to myself at this thought! I would be able to unleash my
dark side for all to see one day! I would no longer be the sweet child everyone
knew. She would fade into oblivion, her innocence lost forever. I crouched down
and slid the knife once again under the bed. I made sure it was well hidden
underneath old clothes and things I had shoved under there. I then pulled down
the covers of my bed and sat down once more. I took out Rostam and Sohrab and
began reading again. I was soon distracted, however, by the sounds of the rain
outside.
"Fucking goddamn it!" I swore. "Why can't it stop raining?" I got off the bed
and made my way over to the window. I placed my hands on the windowsill and
looked out. I hated when it rained! I hated not being able to go out! There was
only so many things that an eleven year old girl like me could do. I didn't
even have any dolls to play with, as I had cut them all up when I was ten.
Ah, how fun that had been. But how much trouble had I gotten into. I knew that
Mama and Papa refused to buy me other dolls since I continued to break them. I
could care less. I hated dolls. Hated them. All they were good for was chopping
up. I used to pretend those dolls were real people who I was torturing! It was
so great! I loved to torture my poor, defenseless dolls!
I opened the window and watched as the rain fell on my nose. I giggled. It was
about two o clock and it had rained heavily all morning. I had read Rostam and
Sohrab for what felt like hours! I was getting extremely bored. The rain was
getting heavier and heavier. I just wanted it to end! I slammed my fists down
on the windowsill repeatedly. "FUCKING GODDAMN RAIN!" I yelled.
"I HATE RAIN! WHY CAN'T IT JUST STOOOP?" I screamed, allowing my temper to get
the better of me. I slammed the window closed and threw myself down onto my
bed.
What was I going to do to get over my boredom? I knew that I had to do
something, otherwise I would become a destructive influence on the household. I
was going to end up destroying something valuable. My temper was going to get
the better of me. I rolled over on my bed and thought about all the things I
could do. Nothing. What could I do? I was so bored. My room was tidy so I
couldn't even spend time cleaning that up.
Mama and Papa had gone out for the day so only Assef and I were in the house.
Assef had been in his room all day. I wasn't sure why. I hoped he wasn't
feeling unwell. I would hate it if my brother wasn't well. I had left him
alone, hoping that he just needed to rest and would be okay afterwards. Maybe
he just wanted to be alone? I had days like that too, and I couldn't blame him.
But I was getting restless stuck in here. I didn't think Assef would mind if I
went to talk to him. We could go downstairs and play pool together.
I walked out of my room and down the corridor. It was sixty-seven steps to my
brother's room, sixty-nine to my parents. Assef was closer to my parents room
than I was. I stopped outside the door and raised my hand to knock. There was
no answer. I knocked again, louder this time. Again, there was no answer. I
knocked again. "Assef!" I called. "Assef, can I come in?"
"Alright, kiddo, come on." I walked inside. Assef was casually leaning against
his desk, looking at me with a mixture of boredom and contempt.
"Hi, Assef," I said.
He smiled and waved at me. "Hey, kiddo, how you doing?"
"I'm so booored..." I wailed dramatically. "I hate it when it rains. There's
nothing to do!"
"I know, kiddo. At least the rain will be gone tomorrow."
"I wish it was gone today," I said, flopping down onto a chair in my brother's
room.
Assef smiled tiredly at me. "I wish it was gone too, Saria."
I sat up suddenly. "Would you like to come downstairs and play a game of pool
with me?" I asked.
Assef shook his head. "No, not today, kiddo, maybe some other time?" he
suggested. I was bored, however, and not going to take "no" for an answer.
"Aw, come on, Assef!" I begged. "I'm so bored and I know you are too! What else
is there for us to do stuck inside. Please, can't you just play with me for a
little while at least? Just one game is all I ask of you! Please, please!" I
jumped up and down childishly. All I wanted was to spend a bit of time with my
big brother, my hero, my idol, who I loved more than anything in this world. I
stomped my feet on the carpet. "Please, Assef!" I was begging now, giving him
my best "puppy dog" eyes. "Please play with me! I'm so booored! I just want to
spend some time with you!"
"I said no, Saria. Another time maybe. I just want to be alone today."
I shook my head. "No, you don't," I quipped. "Nobody wants to be alone! You're
my brother, you're supposed to spend time with me!" I was getting in a bad mood
now. Assef never denied me anything! Why should he start now? All I wanted was
some time with him. It was raining and I was bored. I needed someone to talk
to, to play with. Somebody that I could be myself with. "PLEASE ASSEF!" I
begged. "Please, pleaaaase!" I was being pathetic and I knew it but I just
needed to be with somebody. I was so bored on my own.
"I SAID NO!" Assef screamed at me. He was suddenly in my face, his breathing
harsh and ragged. I leapt from the chair, terrified. "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND
TIME WITH YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU IN MY GODDAMN ROOM!" Assef screamed. I
backed into the wall, shell-shocked. Assef sighed. "Goddamn it, Saria, can't
you just leave me alone for five minutes? All I want is to be alone! That's all
I want! Stop fucking following me! Stay away, you insufferable bitch, just stay
away!" I felt tears sting my eyes. 'I won't cry' I told myself. 'I will not
cry!' I couldn't move from my spot, pressed up against the wall. My brother was
scaring me. He was actually terrifying me!
He had never lashed out at me like this before. Sure, I could remember times
when I had witnessed his legendary rage but it had never been directed at me
before! I loved him and he loved me, right? We would never hurt each other
knowingly. We never had. I was reeling from the horrid words my brother had
screamed at me. "Assef..." I started. I made to go to him but something in me
made me hold back. I was scared of being hurt, of my brother putting his hands
on me. I shivered.
'Please don't let him hate me,' I begged to the heavens. Assef's fists were
clenched at his sides, and he looked like he was going to charge. With a jolt
of fear, I noticed that he wore his brass knuckles on his right hand. Assef
would never hit me with those, would he? I couldn't believe I was scared of my
brother. The person I trusted and loved more than anything else in this world.
I could feel the tears building up but I would not cry. I would not cry. I was
stronger than that. I knew that I was visibly shaking with fear. I couldn't
hide my emotions around my brother. I was never able to. Assef was glaring at
me now, and the look in his eyes was frightening. What had I done wrong? Why
was he being like this? Why had he called me a bitch? Is that what he thought
of me now? Was I some other nameless victim to him now? Someone he could pick
on and hurt?
"I..." I couldn't even say anything. What could I say to make it right again?
To make Assef stop hating me, as I knew he must do? I wanted to wake up and
this horrible fight to be a nightmare.
I wanted my big brother to come and hold me and tell me everything was going to
be alright! "Are you still here?" Assef snapped at me. "God, you really are
infuriating, aren't you? What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" He raised his
fist. "It would be in your best interest, Saria, if you just FUCK OFF and leave
me the HELL ALONE!" I stood frozen. Assef walked closer, fist still raised. "Go
on, GET OUT!" he screamed at me.
I didn't need to be told twice. I bolted from his room. As I ran I could hear
the door slam shut behind me. I was shaking and I ran right past my bedroom. I
just wanted to get out of the house for a while! I couldn't stay in there. I
took off my shoes and ran like hell out into the street. I had no fucking clue
as to where I was going, and I didn't really care either! I just wanted to be
alone! To collect my thoughts! I ran like the wind through the street, my shoes
in my left hand.
Even though my feet were aching and my stockings were starting to rip, I
continued to run faster and faster. If I ran fast enough, I could get away from
everything that had just transpired! The rain water came down heavier and soon
my hair was plastered to my face. I could care less about rain. Why should I?
Everything that could go wrong today was going wrong, so what did it matter
whether I got a little damp or not? Damp was not the right word, I was
saturated. My dress hung limp like lettuce around my legs! I ran until I
reached a deserted alley way.
"NOOO!" I screamed in utter frustration. I fell to my knees and began pounding
the ground with my fists. I could finally let the tears fall! I bowed my head
on the ground in utter despair. "NO! NO! NO!" I shouted. I was in utter pain
and misery. I was a miserable, worthless girl. My own brother wanted nothing to
do with me. "YOU BITCH!" I screamed to myself. "YOU FUCKING BITCH! COULDN'T
KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT, COULD YOU? IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" I chastised myself.
"IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULLLLLLLLLLLLT!" I threw my head back and let out an
animalistic shriek. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed. My brother hated me. My
only friend didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I just wanted to curl
into a ball and die. I wanted to die! Misery was the only emotion I was feeling
now. I was in complete despair.
I was barely aware of someone coming into the alley way until I saw the shape
standing over me. I looked up. "Hello, Saria." said the girl. Zainab! I
clenched my fists and leapt to my feet. I shall explain who Zainab is in
detail. Do you remember how I said that I had been bullied by a girl in my
class? Do you remember how I had locked her in the closet at the cinema and
left her alone for a few hours without food or water? Yeah, Zainab was that
girl. I couldn't believe my luck. Of all the people to see.
"What do you want, Zainab?" I asked. I was in no mood for pleasantries with
this bitch. I gritted my teeth and faced her head on.
"I could ask you the same thing, Saria," she teased. "Why are you here? Crying
no less. I didn't know the evil Saria Ahmed could cry," she laughed. "What's a
matter, poor baby? Where's your Mommy?" she teased. Damn, this girl knew how to
push my buttons. "Where's your big brother, hmm? Where is the cunt?"
This was too far. I slammed into her, knocking her to the ground, slamming her
head into the ground repeatedly. "YOU LEAVE MY BROTHER OUT OF THIS! DON'T YOU
INSULT HIM!" I screamed. Even though he hated me, I was not going to allow
anyone to insult my brother! My eyes bore into hers. I gave her one good slap
across the face. Suddenly, I felt myself flying through the air as Zainab
kicked me off her. I landed with a "thump" on my back.
"OW! Fuck you, you whore!" I swore loudly. Like lightning, Zainab was on top of
me, slapping my face and slamming my head repeatedly against the rocks on the
ground. I clawed at her eyes in retaliation but she just pinned me down and
continued to beat me.
"THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE!" she was roaring at me. "YOU MADE MY LIFE HELL! DO
YOU KNOW HOW SICK I WAS AFTER YOU LOCKED ME IN THAT GODDAMN CLOSET? YOU HAVE NO
IDEA! YOU'RE SUCH A GODDAMN BITCH! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE US ALL ALONNEEE!"
Damn, this girl had a temper to rival mine! I could do nothing as she punched
and kicked me!
I would not cry, though. I was in agony but I would not give her the
satisfaction. Zainab head butted me, her nose whacking my left eye. "I HATE
YOU, SARIA AHMED!" she roared. As if beating me wasn't enough to let me know
she hated me. "YOU SWAN AROUND SCHOOL LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE JUST BECAUSE YOUR
BIG BROTHER HAPPENS TO BE A LITTLE TOERAG BULLY! WELL, I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU,
AND I'M NOT SCARED OF HIM EITHER! I WISH YOUR WHOLE FAMILY WOULD JUST DIE!" I
was scared then. Would Zainab really kill me? I wasn't sure.
Zainab continued to pummel me for what seemed like hours. I was soon too weak
to even attempt to retaliate! She got up from over me, and began kicking me in
the side. My ribs were in utter agony as I struggled to breathe. "If you beg
me, I'll stop... maybe!" she mocked me.
My response was to spit on the ground beside her. "I'm not begging you!" I
screamed. "So FUCK OFF, BITCH!" Zainab laughed as she continued to kick me.
"I see this little vixen still has some bite left in her. Don't worry, Saria,
I'll make sureyou get everything you deserve, you STUPID LITTLE BITCH!" She
roared at me, continuing her merciless assault. I kept my lips shut through the
attack. I just wanted to die. I was in so much pain. My ribs, I was sure, were
broken, and so was my nose. My wrist was probably badly sprained, and
everywhere ached! I couldn't breath properly from the pain in my lungs. I was
going to die here in this alleyway, I just knew it. I let out a feral scream.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I howled, letting all my misery and anger come out. I wanted
the pain to end! I just needed to die! Death had to come soon, didn't it? My
vision was beginning to get blurred. I knew this was the end. Zainab continued
to slam her fists into my face. I knew I could stay awake no longer... I was
going to die here... Alone... All alone... In pain... 'Assef, I'm sorry! I love
you!' was my last thought before I slipped into the black oblivion.
When I came to, I was lying in a hospital bed with my parents sitting by my
side. Mama was in tears. A strange man who I didn't know was standing in the
corner, looking akward. I looked around me. Was I dead? Was I dreaming? What
was going on here? The last thing I remembered was being beaten by Zainab. I
looked at the pained expressions on my parent's faces.
"Saria, oh my baby girl," Mama wept, taking my little hand in hers, tears
streaming down her face.
"Mama.." I said pathetically. "What's going on?"
"You were beaten, Saria!" Papa informed me. "Do you remember?" Of course I
remembered. You didn't forget a beating like that very easily. "Somebody, some
sicko beat my baby girl!" Papa growled. I was well aware that he didn't know
about the beatings I had doled out.
"Do you remember who did this to you?" Mama asked.
"I didn't see his face, Mama," I lied smoothly. "I was just so scared!"
"Well, you can thank Umair that you are still with us," Papa informed me,
pointing to the man in the corner. "He's the one who brought you here. Without
him, you certainly would have died."
I smiled over at Umair. "Thank you, Umair," I said sweetly. Indeed, I was
grateful to him.
"It was no problem at all, young one," he said.
"Am I really sick, Mommy?" I asked.
"Yes, you have a black eye, a split lip, sprained wrist and bruised ribs. You
also have a ruptured spleen," Mama wept. God, would she ever give over crying?
"I figured," I said. "Oh, Mommy, it really hurts!" I began to cry. Part of this
was just crocodile tears, but on the other hand, it still hurt like hell. Mama
stroked my hair and Papa rubbed my shoulder. Assef said nothing. He just stood
at the end of the bed, one hand on my foot through the sheets. He had a strange
expression on his face. Was he still angry with me? I wondered. I couldn't bear
it if he was. I looked into his eyes. He turned away, looking at the wall as
though it was the most interesting thing on the planet.
"Saria," said Papa. "Mama and I are going to go to the shop by the waiting
room. Do you want something?"
I shook my head. "Nothing at all," I said. "Thank you for the offer, though."
"Alright, baby. You rest here!" He gently kissed my forehead.
"I'll see you in a few minutes, alright, pet?" Mama gave me another kiss.
"I should get off too," said Umair.
"Yes, Umair and thank you a million times over for what you did for our
daughter." Papa shook Umair's hand and they went out the door.
As soon as they were gone, Assef slowly crossed the room so he could sit down
on the chair my mother had vacated. 'He still detests me!' I thought sadly. I
slowly sat up, ignoring the pain in my ribs. I reached out and grabbed my
brother's hand, squeezing it tightly.
"Please say something, Assef!" I begged him, tears now spilling down my face.
He just looked at me in utter disbelief. "Please don't be mad at me!"
Assef began to laugh madly. "Mad at you?" he asked. "Mad at you?" He shook his
head at me. "Goddamn it, Saria, you wouldn't even be in here if it wasn't for
me! I have never been more disgusted with myself in my entire life! This whole
mess, you being hurt, you almost dying, it's all my fault!"
Well, I hadn't expected that outburst. "I'm so sorry for what I said, Saria! I
didn't mean it, kiddo, you know I didn't! I don't think any of those things
about you! I was just frustrated because of the rain! I don't even know why I
took my anger out on you."
I gaped at my brother. "You scared me, Assef," I admitted. "It was like I
didn't know you anymore! I was so scared you were going to hurt me!" I sobbed.
Assef put his hand under my chin and lifted my head so I was facing him. "You
listen to me, Saria Ahmed," he ordered. "I would never never harm one hair on
your pretty little blonde head! I love you, little sister, more than anything
else in this entire world! You are the most important person in my life and I
am so, so sorry I ever made you think otherwise! I love you, Saria, do you
understand that? You and me, we're a team, kiddo!" I nodded in understanding
and forgiveness, and flung my arms around my brother's neck. He stroked my back
comfortingly.
"I love you too, Assef!" I cried. "I love you! I love you!"
Assef could only nod as he rocked me back and forth. "I know, kiddo. I know,"
he whispered gently in my ear. I felt my anxiety and fear instantly evaporate.
I was going to be okay! I just knew I was! But there was something that still
plagued me.
"It was Zainab!" I blurted out. "Zainab Qualmari! She beat me up!"
Assef pulled away from me, keeping both hands on my shoulders. "Zainab, the
girl in your class, Zainab?" he asked in a furious tone.
"Uh huh." I nodded my head. "She cornered me in alleyway and just attacked me!"
I informed him.
Assef looked like he was going to march over to that girls house and commit a
homicide. "That bitch, that fucking goddamn cunt!" he swore.
"My sentiments exactly!" I laughed.
"Why didn't you tell Mother and Father?" Assef inquired.
"I want my own revenge!" I informed him. "Do you remember that carving knife
that went "missing"?"
He nodded. "I think I'm really going to like where this is going!"
I looked around to check we could not be heard. "It's under my bed!" I said. "I
had it all along. I was just waiting for the right time to use it! And, Assef,
I think this could be the right time, don't you?"
Assef smiled at me. "I think, kiddo, there would be no better time than this to
use that knife!" He pulled me into another loving embrace and kissed the top of
my forehead. "I love you," he informed me in German. "We'll make that girl
bleed. We'll show her what pain truly is."
I smiled contentedly from my brothers arms. No more nice Saria. No more! Zainab
had well and truly crossed the line with me. She was going to pay for what she
had done. She was going to be an example to the other children. No one crosses
Saria Ahmed and lives to tell about it. I would have my revenge on her.
I would make her beg the way she had wanted me to! I would not allow her to
live after what she had done. She was going to know fear in its truest form. No
more would I allow her to dominate me!
No more would I allow myself to be a victim. I was going to kill her, and there
was no doubting that! No doubting it, at all...
***** First Drop of Blood *****
Chapter Summary
     In chapter 6, Saria and Assef got into a huge argument, prompting
     Saria to run away from home. She was later violently beaten by
     Zainab, a girl from her class who wanted revenge on her for a prank
     Saria played on her. In an attempt to prove how sorry he was for his
     actions, Assef promises to help Saria murder the girl who hurt her..
     Now we find her ready to put her plan into action...
I tried to sit up in the bed but fell back, aching. I placed a hand on my chest
where the bandages were. I was in no condition to be going home, but hey if it
got me out of this damn stupid hospital, I would do anything, even run a
marathon! That's how much I hated this place! I had no privacy in here. I was
in the children's ward and all around me, little brats ran to-and-fro, laughing
and whooping and hollering like no tomorrow. I was paranoid that somehow the
doctors and nurses would see through my sweet facade. What if they learned my
secrets, what if the doctors and nurses learned how dark and decrepid the
little angel in bed number 15 really was? I couldn't fathom to even think about
it.
I didn't get much sleep at all here. I was always on guard, making sure nobody
could ever find out about the darkness hiding within me. It didn't help that
the pain was always there, always creeping up on me. I was practically high on
morphine. Assef said that the last time he'd come to visit me, I had barely
recognised him.
He said I'd just laughed and said "You look like me... Whooooo!" I wasn't sure
you could give morphine to an eleven year old, not that I honestly gave a fuck.
I just wanted to be out of here. I wanted to be in my own bed and my own home.
I wanted the privacy these shitwads never gave me! As I was thinking this, a
small seven-year old child came up to me and poked me in the chest. "OW!" I
screamed in pain and indignation. My bruised ribs were still very sore. "Watch
what you're doing you little fucktard!" I hissed at him.
He gulped and backed away. "Sorry, Miss, didn't mean to. You were real quiet so
I thought you were like dead or something," he told me. Instantly my anger
evaporated. He was Pashtun like I was. I couldn't stay angry with him for long.
I was too tired to be angry, anyway.
"It's okay," I told him. "Just next time don't poke me in the chest. It's
really sore."
"Did you hurt it?" he asked stupidly.
"Yeah, a mean girl hit me really hard and made me sore," I told him childishly.
He sat down on the bed next to me. "I'm real sorry that she did that. I'm here
'cause I had my tonsils out," he rasped, opening his mouth to give me a better
view. "They were jiggling in my throat and making me sore so Mommy took me here
to get them removed."
"That's good," I said. "Now you won't be sore anymore."
"What's your name? My name is Abdulla," he told me.
"My name is Saria Ahmed," I said, smiling kindly.
"Are you going home today?" Abdulla questioned.
"Yes, my brother's picking me up at noon." I glanced at the clock. It read
"Eleven forty-five." Fifteen goddamn minutes more to wait.
"Okay, well that's good. I gotta go, Saria or Momma will get mad at me for
running off. Bye!" Then he was gone and I was once more at peace.
I lay back on my bed. I just wanted to get out of here. I closed my eyes and
thought of how great it would be to finally be home. I missed my big brother so
much. Assef came to visit whenever he could over the last two weeks, but I knew
that the hospital had a strict visitors policy. Anyway, it wasn't like we could
converse properly when I was here. I knew I had to be very careful about the
things that I said. Doctors and nurses were everywhere always listening in to
our private conversations. I had to be extra careful. I thought about Zainab. I
was going to kill her. I knew it. I had the knife under the bed, ready to stain
with her blood. Everything was going to work out.
After all, who could suspect sweet, darling Saria Ahmed of doing anything
wrong? The whole world would stand up for me and why shouldn't they? I was
justified in my endeavours, after all. Even Adia, who I had tortured so badly,
would be too afraid of me to ever tell anyone if she was to find out what I had
done. I was way too sweet and manipulative to ever be caught. The plan was,
anyway, that once we had killed her, we would dump her body in the woods, bury
her there. Those woods were closed off, and I was sure some animal would savage
her before they could find her. Nobody would suspect a thing. I smiled to
myself. I would soon be free of her forever!
I was rudely interrupted by a nurse shaking me. "Saria, darling," she said.
"Your brother's here to collect you."
I looked beaming. "Assef!" I called, sitting up. I winced as a sharp pain shot
up through my chest. Assef didn't fail to notice this, and was instantly at my
side, rubbing my back.
"It's okay, kiddo, it's okay. I'm going to take you home today."
I beamed at him. "Yay!" I said in childish delight. I clapped my hands
together. "I can't wait to go home!"
The nurse grinned at me. "I bet you can't. Well, Saria, it's been lovely to
have you. You're such a charming young lady. Keep in touch, will you, and let
us know how you're doing?" she questioned me.
"I will," I said as Assef helped me into a wheelchair.
"You alright, kiddo?" he asked me. Assef's been extra sweet to me lately. I
think he's still feeling guilty for hurting my feelings last fortnight. Assef,
I knew, blamed himself for my injuries, though I had told him time and time
again that it was not his fault. I lay back against the chair and closed my
eyes.
"I'm fine," I said.
"You look so much better, kiddo. You're not as bruised as you were." He leaned
down to kiss my hair. "I'm so glad you're coming home, Saria. I've missed you
so much." He kissed the top of my head.
"I missed you, too, Assef!" I said. "We have to plan you-know-what soon."
"Yes, we must. Not until you're one hundred percent well again, though. You
need to concentrate on getting better."
"Don't need the damn chair, Assef, I can walk by myself" I said, struggling to
get up. Oh dear! I didn't think this through! I winced as my entire body ached.
Assef put a hand on my shoulder and gently pushed me back down.
"Hospital policy, kiddo. You have to leave in a wheelchair. If you get hurt we
could sue the hospital staff for millions. Not to mention I'd never forgive
myself if you got hurt because of me again."
I raised a hand in protest. "Assef, how many times? This was not your fault! Do
you hear me? It was Zainab's fault for beating me up, and partly my fault for
running off without telling anyone."
"Which you did because I frightened you," he said, still intent on heaping all
the blame onto himself. "How you could even stand to look at me, not to mind
say forgive me after the way I treated you is something else."
"It's because I love you," I told him. "You're my big brother and you always
will be."
Assef ruffled my hair with his left hand. "You don't know what it was like,
Saria, seeing you being wheeled in. I didn't know whether you would wake up or
not, and all I could think of was "what if I never get a chance to tell her I
love her". I felt like a monster, like an absolute monster."
"In the eyes of the world, we're both monsters," I told him. "I bet Farsef
wouldn't dispute that theory. Has there been any more trouble from him?" I
questioned.
"He knows well enough to stay away from us," Assef told me. "I actually saw him
again in the market."
"Did you?"
"I did. I went out of my way to learn a bit of sign language on his behalf."
Assef waved his hands in the air in some strange motion. "That means "stay away
from my sister or you'll pay with your life," he informed me.
I let out a shrill giggle and clapped my hands together. "Oh, brilliant!" I
said. "But I know someone who will pay for their crime with their life!" I was,
of course, referring to Zainab.
"Yes. All in good time. You concentrate on getting well again and then I
promise to help you. We'll make her pay for everything."
We were nearing the entrance to the hospital and I could see that Mama and Papa
were waiting for me by the car. Assef wheeled me over to them and instantly
Papa was on his knees so we were at a level. "It's so good to have you coming
home where you belong," he told me. "We must thank Allah for making you well
again."
"And the doctors," Assef scoffed. My brother is not a very religious type and
neither am I.
Papa ignored him. "Your mother and I were so worried about you, Saria. You are
sure that you do not remember who did this to you?" He questioned.
"No," I replied. "Like I said, I buried my face in my arms to stop him from
hitting me. I didn't see his face." I knew that I could not tell them it was
Zainab. After all, then the suspicion would fall on me once I killed her. I had
to pretend that I did not know my attacker.
I knew that the matter would be resolved quickly enough. After a few days
nobody would bother trying to figure out who the culprit was. "I was so
scared!" I began to cry. Crocodile tears, of course.
"You're upsetting her," Assef scolded our parents. "Leave her be. She says that
she doesn't remember and I believe her. Whoever did this is probably long gone
by now. We should just concentrate on getting Saria well again," as he said
this, he leaned down and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"You're right, son," Mama commented. "Saria is what matters now and we are so
fortunate to have her with us after her ordeal."
"Come on, sweetie," Papa cooed. "Let's get you home to rest." He put his hands
under my legs and lifted me up in a bridal lift. I was placed gently in the
backseat of the car, and a blanket was placed over my legs. Today the hospital
staff had dressed me in a dress that had a smiling sunflower on the front of
it. My hair had been washed and tied into two pigtails with yellow ribbons on
them. I looked like an utter joke. Assef opened the door and climbed into the
other side of the car beside me. We were soon buckled up and Papa drove the car
the hour and a half to our home.
It hurt to have the seatbelt across my chest, but my parent's insisted that I
wear one. It would not do to have me get injured on the way back from the
hospital. I still had enough pain killers in me to last the journey home, and I
knew that Mama had some at home too. As I looked out the window at the passing
children and families, my mind went to Adia. My little bitch hadn't bothered to
come and see me in the hospital. She hadn't even bothered to call to my house
to ask how I was doing.
Apparently, and this made me mad, Assef had called up to ask if she wanted to
come with him to see me and she'd said no. My heart was in my throat and I felt
physically sick thinking about it. Anger was bubbling on the surface. I knew,
however, that I could not hurt her. I had Zainab to deal with. I had to be
careful or people would get suspicious. Adia was lucky that I had bigger fish
to fry. If this had been any other time, I would have slit her throat once I
saw her again. As it stands, a sharp warning and a slap would be all she need
fear from me. I lay my head on the seat in front of me and sighed.
I just wanted to feel better! I wanted the pain to be over and done with so
that I could concentrate on my revenge. I thought about the knife, and how it
would be stained with Zainab's blood. I was going to make her suffer the way
that I had suffered in these hospitals. If somebody hurts me, they should be
hurt back tenfold, I believed.
Assef reached across the seat to put a hand on mine and squeezed it tightly. I
smiled up at him, letting him know that I was in complete control of my mind.
The sun beat down from high above us in the sky. I reached up and rolled down
the window. The cool air circulated the car. I sighed in relief. When you're
wearing a dress like the one I had on, you should stay as cool as possible.
I looked at my brother as he rested his hand on his chin and stared in the
other direction. I knew that I would need his help to formulate my murderous
plan. Not that that was going to be a problem, I knew Assef would move heaven
and earth to see me happy. I couldn't wait to get home again. I knew that Mama
would have cleaned my room, ready for my arrival. Did she find the knife? It
was a very real concern of mine. I could only hope that she would not have gone
snooping under my bed for any apparent reason. I quickly reminded myself that I
was in the clear.
I had hidden the knife in such a way that nobody could ever find it. It was
under a loose piece of carpet in my bedroom that Papa had never gotten around
to fixing. Mama turned around and looked at me. "Are you alright, darling?" she
asked me. I nodded. I must have been too quiet for their liking.
"I'm fine," I replied. "I was just thinking about how much I've missed my
home." I fabricated a lie on the spot.
"Oh, we've missed you too, baby," Mama said, reaching back to pat me on the
knee. I placed my hand on hers and squeezed it.
"Home, sweet home," Papa said, smiling as he pulled the car into the driveway.
He parked it and Mama got out. She opened the door for me and unbuckled my
seatbelt. I put my arms around her shoulders and she lifted me out of the car,
and set me down on my feet. I walked a few little steps before I stumbled.
Instantly, Papa and Mama were at my side, leading me into the house. Once we
were inside, Assef took me by the arm and led me up the stairs to my room. I
pulled back the covers and hopped into bed. Assef sat down beside me and tucked
me in. He held me in his arms and rubbed my back.
"You go to sleep now, kiddo, you need it," he told me. "If you need anything
you can call me, okay?" He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I love you so
much," he said.
"I love you too, Assef," I said. He left the room, shutting the door with a
click behind him. I lay back against my pillow and sighed. Sleeping was not
something on my mind now. I could only think about my revenge on Zainab. I
wanted to make sure she suffered just as much as I did.
Every ache of my bones was further reminding me to ensnare her in my trap. The
darkness of my room was just like the dark thoughts that were running freely
through my mind. I snuggled down under my comforter and closed my eyes. I would
at least have to pretend that I was asleep in case my parents came in to check
up on me.
My mother was a worrywart and I didn't want her calling the hospital over
insomnia. Insomnia was going to be something I could look forward to over the
past weeks. My ever-present dangerous thoughts were the only things on my mind
now. Zainab was going to have to watch her back with me. Soon she would know
who was in control of her. It was with this thought in my mind that I
eventually slipped into sleep.
XX
A week had past since I came home from the hospital. I stayed at home in bed,
my parents and brother making a huge fuss over me. It was sweet when Assef
wanted to take care of me, but as for Mama and Papa, they were really fucking
annoying. Assef took better care of me then they could ever hope to, and at
least with him I could be myself.
When I finally mustered up the strength to walk, I would spend my afternoons
playing pool in the games room with Assef. At least he was always there for me.
I don't know how I would have gotten through last week without him. Oh no! I'm
going off on another tangent, aren't I? I believe I should be writing about
today! And what an eventful day it was. I lay on my bed, silently reading.
Today I had dressed myself in one my old blue dresses. It was an utter
abomination. I had my hair tied back in a ponytail, secured with a ribbon. It
was tied tight against my scalp. Under my bed was a bag packed with all the
essentials. Inside that bag I had hidden the carving knife, along with two
mittens and a spare change of clothing for when I needed it. I thought about
the knife, wedged firmly in between the folds of my gown. It wouldn't be long
now until I could use it.
Mama and Papa were going out for the day to treat themselves to a romantic
picnic. I scoffed at the thought. Do you think if they had any idea of what I
was about to do, they would have dared to leave me alone? I don't think so. The
door to my room was slightly ajar, and from my peripheral vision, I could see
Mama watching me. 'You think I don't see you, bitch?' I thought to myself. I
lifted my head and smiled at her.
"Hello, Mama," I said politely.
"Hello, darling," she cooed. "We will be leaving in a few minutes once your
father gets out of the bathroom," she joked. I had to laugh along even though
the joke was not funny. She walked over to me and gave me a quick hug. I rolled
my eyes over her shoulder. She had no clue! No fucking clue! Soon her daughter
would be a murderer! A child-killer! I relished in the thought as Mama pulled
away from me. I suddenly spoke aloud in English as she left the room.
"I'll make the little bitch pay for what she did to me! She won't breath for
much longer!" was what I called after her. I could be confident that she had no
clue as to what exactly her precious daughter had just uttered. I spoke enough
English that I could use it when I wanted to keep something secret from my
parents.
Mama turned around. "What did you say?" she asked.
"I said, I hope you have a lovely picnic." Once again, I managed to make up a
lie for her.
"Aww, thank you, darling!" she seemed quite satisfied with my answer as she
walked downstairs. I looked out the window and watched until I could no longer
see them. I knew that I had to bide my time. I continued to read for half an
hour, until I was sure that Mama and Papa were well gone. Then, leaning down
under my bed, I retrieved my rucksack. I put on my shoes and walked to Assef's
room.
I knocked three times on the door and waited until he let me enter. "It's
time," I said simply.
Assef licked his lips. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. "We don't
have to kill her, you know. Just say the word and I'll give her a beat down
she'll never forget!" His hands were on my shoulders.
"No, she must stay silent! She will be killed! Assef, I've waited for so long
to make my dream come true! It's going to happen today!" I emphasized.
Assef smiled at me. "If you're sure. I won't deny you anything," he said.
I nodded. "I'm sure. Put a pair of mittens in your coat pocket and meet me
outside. We're going to take a little walk." I had a malicious grin on my face
as I said this. I literally skipped out the door. I stretched out my hand to
take my brothers. I was in utter glee as I walked with him down the road. Soon
we reached the market place. I was playing my cards by fate's hand. I knew that
Zainab often played near the woods on a Friday when her other friends were at
painting classes. I watched as she knelt by the fencing.
Assef's hand was still firmly gripping mine, warning me to be cautious. I knew
that I was in full control of what was about to happen here. Zainab's laughter
echoed through the clearing. 'You won't laugh for long, kunis,' I thought to
myself as I hid behind a tree. I unzipped my bag and pulled out the knife.
"Stay here," I warned my brother. He nodded and stood as still as he could
behind the tree.
I approached Zainab from behind, crawling on my knees. She was blissfully
unaware of the soon-to-be-killer approaching her. If she ran, she would have
nowhere to go. I quickly put the knife to her throat and held it there. "Don't
move," I hissed in her ear. She was too stupid to head my warnings and began
struggling. I slashed her throat, letting her fall to the ground, gargling. I
slammed her head into the asphalt.
"You didn't listen to me, did you, Zainab? You should have just stayed away
from me! I thought I'd taught you a lesson a long time ago, but you had to keep
screwing around with me, didn't you, you insufferable bitch!"
I raised the knife again and brought it down once more, making her gargle as it
was now embedded deep into her jugular. She began spasming out on the floor,
making me howl with laughter. "It's not a very good day for you, is it,
Zainab?" I asked. All she could do was convulse as the life drained out of her.
I brought the knife down on her flesh over and over again.
Her little body suddenly stopped moving. I stabbed her again, just to be doubly
sure she actually was dead. Didn't want her recovering in hospital, did we? Her
eyes were filled with tears as I leaned down and took the knife to her face,
slashing one long jagged line. "Good night, and good riddance, fucker." I said
in utter elation. I knew my mittens hid any traces of fingerprints, and I would
be burning those. I stood up and admired my handiwork. "She's dead." It was a
simple statement that brought me such joy!
Assef came out from his hiding place. He inspected the lifeless corpse.
"Wonderful, very fucking wonderful," he told me with a laugh. "Did she put up
much of a fight?"
I sighed dejectedly. "No, she was an easy kill. Pity, part of me wanted a
challenge, my brother."
"Maybe next time. Come on, let's dispose of the bitch's carcass."
Assef lifted me up over the fence and picked up Zainab's body. She flopped like
a little rag-doll as he handed her to me. Together we managed to drag the limp
body half way through the woods. There was a steep drop that we rolled her
down. She landed among some nettles. I watched with elation as she lay there.
Now she had payed the price for messing with me. I noticed that my clothes were
bloodied from carrying the body, and quickly snuck behind a tree to change.
Assef at least had the decency to let me undress in peace. Once I was finished,
I pulled off my bloodied mittens and deposited everything back into the bag.
We waited until the coast was clear before we made our way out of the woods.
Assef took my hand and led me back into the market place. We did not have to
say anything to each other. I trusted him with this secret the same way I
trusted him with my life. Saria Ahmed was now a murderer. The sweet girl from
Kabul had now committed a homicide. "Nobody will find out, Saria," I told
myself. "You're in the clear..."
***** Scrutiny *****
Chapter Summary
     In chapter 7, Saria brutally stabs Zainab to death with a steak
     knife. This cold, remorseless act only served to prove how far she
     was capable of going but she soon finds herself under scrutiny from
     the law...
"Stupid fucking tangles! Fucking hair!" I swore to myself as I stood in front
of the mirror. Today I wore a sky blue dress which had a large bow in the back.
Yet again, I felt like a fucking six year old. I was trying to tie my hair into
pigtails with two ribbons that matched my dress. It was times like these that I
wished I had straight hair like Adia.
Curls were so fucking hard to plait! Tedious morning routines like this always
incurred my legendary wrath. I was overcome with a strong desire to throw my
brush at the mirror. The memory of the repercussions I had faced after my
tantrum in Adia's house was the only thing that stopped me from doing this.
"Fucking hair!" I swore again. Already I could see my face going red with rage.
Patience was definitely not my strong point. I eventually managed to secure the
ribbons into my hair. "I'm never doing this again!" I said aloud. "Never again!
This is thirty fucking minutes out of my whole morning gone already!"
It was now a full fortnight since Zainab's untimely demise. It gave me great
pleasure to think of her grieving family. The authorities had found my
handiwork the Monday after I had murdered her. There were, of course, many
worries in my mind pertaining to my part in the murder. Had I perhaps done
something that could give subtle hints to what I had done? After much
consideration, I assured myself that I was in the clear. I was just the sweet
little girl from the big house with the palm trees. The horrid murder shocked
the community. As always, nobody could believe that a person could be so cruel
as to take the life of a sweet girl like Zainab. A girl with a future full of
promise and hope ahead of her. A girl everybody had loved.
Well, not everybody. I felt no guilt whatsoever for what I had done. Zainab
played with fire and got horribly, horribly incinerated. Was it my fault if she
hadn't the sense to stay away from me, I ask you? Today I was going to spend
another tedious afternoon with Adia and her hideous brother Masood. Masood was
taking us to see the new cowboy movie in Cinema Zainab. I hated cowboy movies.
They were so boring, and the violence was practically non-existent. I would
have preferred to see a horror, but I knew that little Adia would not
appreciate the blood and guts the same way I did.
Of course, I had already been the star of my own horror movie, hadn't I? The
novelty of Zainab's murder had long since worn off. I really wanted to commit
another violent crime. Who else could I kill? Maybe little Adia? My mind was
filled with thoughts of how I could stab her skull, slit her throat from left
to right! I wondered how it would feel to defecate within her mouth. Of course,
I knew I could not turn my decrepid thoughts into actions. Not yet, anyway. It
would not look good if another murder was committed so soon after the first
one.
I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed an apple from the
fruit bowl and made my way outside. Assef was sitting at the side of the pool.
I smiled as I walked over to him. "Hey, kiddo," he said. I flopped down beside
him. "What time is Adia coming to collect you?" Assef asked.
"Half eleven," I told him. "The film is on at twelve. Masood is taking us to
market after to buy us each a doll."
"Isn't that sweet of him?" Assef asked sarcastically.
I laughed loudly. "Why can't I spend the day with you?" I lamented, resting my
head upon Assef's shoulder.
He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "You don't want to see your friend, kiddo?"
he asked.
I shook my head. "I hate her so much," I said angrily.
Assef laughed and ruffled my hair. "I know, kiddo. I know," he said,
sympathetic to my plight. "You be careful while you're out," my brother warned.
"Why?" I asked.
"Didn't you hear? There's a murderer on the loose!" he teased, nudging me in
the ribs.
"Oh goodness gracious!" I feigned shock, placing my hand upon my chest, my eyes
opening wide. Assef and I both laughed.
"All jokes aside, Saria, do be careful. I know first hand how infuriating
Masood can be, and I also know how little control you have when you get angry.
You're just like me in that respect. Please don't do anything that could draw
attention to yourself!" he begged me.
I waved a dismissive hand. "I'll be fine, Assef," I said.
"I just don't want anyone to find out what you did," he whispered. "I can't
stand the thought of my baby sister being persecuted for murder!"
I looked up to see Mama walking towards us. "Shh!" I placed a finger on my
lips. I smoothed down my dress and stood to attention. I beamed a false smile
for my mother.
"Hello, Mama," I said.
"Hello, Saria, Assef." Assef raised his head and nodded once. "Masood is on his
way over with Adia," Mama informed me. She knelt down and took me by the hands.
We were now at the same height. "I want you to listen closely to me now,
Saria," Mama ordered. I nodded.
"I want you to stick close to Masood and do exactly what he tells you. I don't
need to tell you how dangerous it is out there, what with that little girl's
death." I had to fight off a smirk as she said this. Mama's concerned face was
a picture. What would she think if she knew she was speaking to Zainab's
murderer right now? If she knew that her daughter had committed the worst sin?
I had to bite my lip to stop myself from bursting into hysterical laughter.
"I'll be careful, Mama," I assured her. I decided to voice one of my inner
concerns.
"Do they know who might have done it?" I asked innocently.
"Not yet, darling. Don't you worry, whoever did this will be caught and they
will be punished. They will get what they deserve. Do you understand me?"
I nodded. "Yes, Mama."
"Alright. Good girl." She pressed a wad of money into my hand. "Buy yourself
something nice."
I clapped my hands together in childish joy. "Oh thank you Mama!" I said
excitedly.
"You're welcome, dear. Have fun... but be careful!" She warned once again. I
rolled my eyes behind her back as I made my way to the front of the compound. I
saw my bitch and her monstrous brother waiting for me at the gate. It was time
once again to play the part. I squealed in false elation and ran to where Adia
stood.
"Hello! It's so nice to see you again!" I giggled. I grabbed both of her arms
and jumped up and down in excitement. Adia seemed confused by my behaviour, but
she knew it was in her best interest to play along.
"Are you ready to go, Saria?" Masood asked me. "We must hurry if we don't want
to miss the film."
"Thank you so much for taking us out, Masood," I said. I avoided looking at his
grotesque face, fearing I would probably get sick if I did so. Really, someone
ought to kill that boy and put their whole family out of the misery of having
to raise such a monster.
"It's no problem, dear. I would do anything for my sister and her friends."
'But would you help her to move a body?' I thought to myself. Out loud I said,
"Adia is so lucky to have a brother like you." He beamed at me.
I grabbed Adia by the hand and we set off. Adia and I chattered about dresses
and dolls. Not all that different from what any other little girls would talk
about together. Adia herself wore a simple outfit of t-shirt and jeans. She
wore her black hair tied in a ponytail. Her t-shirt was stained with food.
Clearly she had not bothered to wash her clothes since the last time she'd worn
them.
'Disgusting cow,' I thought to myself. As we neared the cinema, Adia's face
took on a somber look. "Did you hear about Zainab?" she asked in a timid little
voice. Of course, our conversation had arrived at the murder. It was the talk
of the town as I stated earlier. "It's so scary, isn't it?" Adia's voice
squeaked with fear. I looked her right in the eye.
"Ich tötete sie. Ich schneide sie und machte sie zu bluten. Ich bin froh, dass
ich es tat." This was German for; "I murdered her. I cut her and made her
bleed. I'm glad I did it."
"What does that mean?" Masood questioned me. Neither of them had a clue.
Fucking idiots.
"That means, "I hope they find out who did it. My thoughts are with her
family," I lied.
"All of our thoughts and prayers are with that girl's relatives," Masood said,
sadly.
"Well, here we are." We had arrived at the cinema. Masood led us up to the
ticket booth. He took out a fistful of cash.
"I have money," I said hurriedly, not wanting to take his fucking charity.
"Oh, darling. This is a treat day," Masood informed me. "I'll be paying for
your ticket."
"Oh, well thank you, Masood. You're so kind," I said politely.
"You're welcome, Saria. You're such a sweetheart," Masood complimented me. 'If
only you knew,' I thought to myself. I flashed him an even bigger smile.
"I can't wait for the film to start!" Adia spoke up from behind me. "It's going
to be soo much fun!"
"I know!" I said, bouncing up and down. We walked inside the theatre.
"Let's find a seat up the front," Masood said. "Do any of you girls need the
toilet before we sit down?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm good. I went before I left the house."
"I'm fine too," Adia said.
"Okay, let's sit down." As we settled into our seats, Masood turned to us and
said, "No talking in here, girls. We don't want to get thrown out. It's very
important that we show respect for all the other people in here. Do you
understand?" 'Fucking asswipe! Stop patronizing me!' I thought.
I felt strong detestation for Masood. Assef would never speak to me like that.
He treated me like an equal, even though I was five years younger than him. Our
relationship was based on mutual respect. (For each other, not for other
people) I pretended to be completly engrossed in the film, but really, my mind
was elsewhere. Who would take the fall for Zainab's murder? As long as it
wasn't me, I didn't care. Some fucking pervert could take the fall for me.
Maybe a pedophile? I honestly couldn't give a fuck.
Adia was completly engrossed in what was going on on the large screen. She
screamed when something frightening happened, and jumped whenever a gunshot
went off. Masood seemed a little bit calmer. He reached over and placed a hand
upon Adia's arm. He smiled at me. I returned the gesture as sweetly as possible
for me. I stared at the screen, watching as one of the cowboys was shot in the
chest. He fell to the ground and began spasticating on the floor. A mavolent
smile played on my lips.
I wondered what it would feel like to shoot a person? To watch them lying on
the ground, watch them slowly die at my feet, begging for a mercy I knew I
could not give. I was disheartened by the fact that Zainab's death had been so
quick. I wanted her to suffer more! I could only hope she was burning in hell
for her crimes!
Hell. A place that many people will say I am bound for. I however, don't
believe in all that "be a good person or you're going to hell" shite that
people harp on with. To me, my misdeeds and my immortal soul are two completely
separate things. What I do in this life should have no influence on where I
went in the next. The film ended after an hour, and we walked outside.
"Did you enjoy that?" Masood asked us.
"Oh it was brilliant!" I said happily. "I loved all the action scenes."
"The gun shots scared me," Adia, the little bitch piped up. I had to fight back
the urge to roll my eyes. "And the blood. So much blood. I hate blood."
'You'll be seeing a lot more blood if you continue to play my game,' I thought
to myself. Masood slung an arm around his sister's shoulders.
"Come on girls. I'm going to buy you both a dolly each! My treat!" The gruesome
scar on his face glinted in the golden light of the sun. I swallowed back some
bile. I forced a childish grin, clapped my hands together.
"Thank you, Masood agha! Thank you!"
We walked to market. I looked around at the people going about their business.
Zainab's friends sat in a corner, looking completely dejected. The horror of
their friends murder was still fresh in their minds. One of them lifted her
head and looked right at me. My middle finger twitched. I wanted to flip her
the bird, but I knew I could not. How suspicious would that be?
I stared sadly back at her, letting her know she was in my thoughts. My
thoughts of discord and terror, but of course she did not need to know that.
She sniffled, and buried her face in her friend's shoulder. Do they suspect
anything? I wondered as I hurried to keep up with Adia and Masood. Her friends
knew all about the enemity between Zainab and I. Could they perhaps have
guessed what I had done?
It wouldn't be too hard for them to put two and two together and realize I was
the one who had murdered their beloved Zainab. I took solace in the knowledge
that nobody other than those two girls could eversuspect me of such a hainus
crime. We reached the stall with the dolls. "Pick one out each, dears." Masood
said, smiling down at me. I looked at the dolls. 'Stupid fucking things,' I
thought to myself. I reached up and picked up a china doll with blonde
ringlets, wearing an old fashioned Victorian dress.
"That one?" the seller asked. I nodded, looking at Masood. I read the price of
the doll and smiled.
"If it's okay with you," I said, giving him my best "puppy dog eyes."
"Oh, Saria, that doll is so expensive. Why don't you pick something out a
little cheaper?" I turned and glared at Adia. She knew me well enough to
translate the meaning of my glare as "do something or face the consequences."
She hurried to my defense.
"Oh Masood! Saria is our guest! She's my best friend! Please buy it for her!
Please!"
Masood sighed; "Alright." He paid for both our new dolls. I clutched the china
doll to my chest.
"Oh thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!" I jumped up and down in false elation, my
nose buried in her blonde hair.
"Be careful!" Masood warned. "Don't you dare drop that doll!" I stopped
bouncing.
Adia clung to her doll, a small matchstick thing. "I have the bestest brother
ever!" she gushed.
"I doubt that," I teased gently.
"Saria!" I turned to see Wali and Kamal hurrying towards me, my brother with
them. Assef looked uneasy. "Saria, you have to come home with me now. Family
matters." I grabbed his hand, and said my goodbyes, and thank yous to Masood.
He smiled, wished me well.
"Assef, what's going on?" I asked as he walked with me down the street.
"Police want to talk to you. About the murder."
My heart almost stopped. My eyes widened. "WHAT?" I screamed.
"Shh, it's okay. They say it's just a routine. They're talking to all the
children in Zainab's class." We had reached our home. I had never feared it
more. Assef gently kissed my forehead.
"Remember, they don't know anything. Just play your cards right and we'll both
be in the clear. I love you so much, kiddo and don't you ever forget it."
"I love you too, Assef," I said. Then, we went inside. I was a bundle of
nerves, my mind was going at one hundred miles an hour. Assef rested his hand
on my shoulder, rubbing my back. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart. I
promise." His words did nothing to soothe my anxious brain. I wiped my eyes. I
knew that I had to be extra careful with what I said and did.
Even the slightest wrong word or action could be detrimental to me. I
straightened up, fixed my plaits, took a deep breath, and stepped into the
kitchen. "Saria." The man standing in my kitchen held an air of authority.
Instantly, I tensed up. 'Remember Saria, be careful,' I warned myself. I put my
best face forward.
"Good afternoon, agha." I bowed my knees, holding out the hem of my dress. He
smiled at me, and I instantly felt ten times more confident. I had this thing
in my fucking grasp.
"My brother said you wanted to speak with me?" I continued smiling patiently.
"Yes, it will only take a few minutes. Why don't we go somewhere more private."
He looked at me and I felt he was looking into my very soul. Could he see the
darkness lurking within? He led me into the privacy of my father's study. We
both sat down on opposite chairs, facing each other. The officer took out a
small note pad and pen.
"Forgive me, I haven't introduced myself. You can call me Abdal."
"It's nice to meet you, Abdal," I said politely.
"Just for the record," he said, "your name is Saria Ahmed. Correct?"
I nodded and he scribbed the information down on his notepad. There was a tense
silence between us. Abdal looked up at me, giving a small, reassuring smile.
"Saria, I'm talking to all the girls in your class about the death of Zainab
Qualmari. It's very important that we get all the information we can find to
help us punish the person responsible." As he said the words, I felt myself
tense up. Did he know anything?
"You were in the same class as Zainab," Abdala noted, his eyes boring into
mine.
I nodded. "Yes, sir."
He continued taking notes. "Did you know Zainab personally, Saria? Were you a
friend of hers?"
"I didn't," I said. "Not personally. I mean, I saw her a lot in class but we
never really talked." Of course, I decided to leave out all the times Zainab
and I had tormented each other. It would not be clever of me to bring that up.
Not in this situation. I was clever enough to know when to hold my tongue.
"Where were you two weeks ago on the night of the fourteenth?" Abdal's pen was
poised, ready to write.
I took a breath; here was the question I was dreading. "I was at home with my
brother," I said. "You can ask him."
"Now, Saria, from the information we gathered from your parents, you yourself
suffered a beating a few weeks ago."
"Y-yes," I lowered my eyes. "I don't remember who it was, though. I passed out
before I could get a good glimpse of his face."
Abdal wrote this down. "The reason I'm asking, Saria, is that there's a
possibility that the person who beat you could be the same one who killed
Zainab. Are you sure there's nothing you remember about this man?"
I shook my head. "No, sir, I'm s-sorry." He wasn't getting anything good from
me. The thought he wanted to blame my 'mystery' attacker brought a great sense
of joy to my sadistic heart. I was certain they would find someone to take the
fall for me.
"Alright," Abdal sighed. "That will be all, Saria. Thank you for your time,
sweetheart. I promise, the person who did this will be caught and they willbe
punished." I had already heard this from my mother. I gave a small smile.
"I h-hope so. Zainab deserves justice." Oh and she had gotten exactlythe
justice she deserved, though not in the way Abdal or anyone else would think.
Before he left, Abdal leaned down and put a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry,
love, we'll catch whoever hurt her. I promise."
Later that evening, I sat on my bed, contemplating the days events. Assef sat
beside me, as I leaned my head against his shoulders. My mind brought me back
to a question Abdal had asked me; "Did Zainab have any enemies?" I had answered
no, but the true answer was yes. Zainab did have an enemy. She had sat right in
front of Abdal. She had fooled him with her charm, as she had fooled so many
other people. Her name was Saria Ahmed.
***** Hassan's Threats *****
Chapter Summary
     Chapter 8 saw Saria questioned by the police regarding Zainab's
     death. She was able to manipulate the officer into seeing her as
     simply an innocent little girl. Now, we find her getting ready for
     bed but her perfect world is soon to be shattered...
One whole month had passed since Zainab's demise and I would be returning to
school in a week's time, the spring of 1974. I honestly could not wait to
return to the classroom. Through research, I had learned that I was in the
school next to Amir's. How thrilling was that? So close to the boy I was in
love with, the boy I wanted for my own. My sweet little Adia would be in that
class too, so I knew I would never be lonely.
I kept the china doll Masood had bought me on a shelf in my room. I never
touched her, just looked at her. She was so pretty, with her blonde ringlets,
her pale skin, and old-fashioned clothes. I looked at her, and I wondered
whether this is what people saw when they looked at me. I was just like that
porceain doll. On the outside, there was beauty, innocence, but when you
scratched below the surface, there was nothing, just cold. Dark. Adia had lost
her doll, had dropped it one day out walking, and had, I heard, cried all the
way home. "Stupid fucking bitch, crying over a doll. Wish I could've been
there, I'd have shut her up good," I laughed to myself.
It was now early evening, and I had just taken my nightly bath. I dressed in a
white nightgown and brushed my blonde hair so it cascaded down my back. I took
out my book and sat into bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. I flicked the
pages until I reached the page of my favourite tale; Rostam and Sohrab. I lay
back against my pillow and began reading. If I read for an hour, I'd surely
tire myself out, wouldn't I? I thumbed through the pages. I had read this story
so many times, I felt like I could quote it word for word. "If thou art indeed
my father," I whispered, my mouth curving upwards at the image of this boy
being stabbed by his own father! Thrilling, wasn't it?
After about an hour, as predicted, I began to feel quite tired. I closed my
book and slid it under the bed: I could not be bothered getting up and putting
it away. "Only one more week of sleeping in," I moaned to myself. I lay down
and pulled the covers up to my chin, turning out my beside lamp. I snuggled
down and shut my eyes. At first, I thought the banging noises were fireworks. I
lay in bed, my eyes closed, hoping they'd go away. Fireworks never lasted long.
But these, these were different. Louder, if that was possible. I slowly sat up.
The room was engulfed in darkness, and it took my eyes a few moments to adjust.
I rubbed my temple.
"What the fuck?" I jumped as I heard another bang, closer this time. "FUCK!" I
swore loudly. What was happening? After some thought, I concluded that the
noises were, in fact, gunfire. What were they shooting? Who were they shooting?
Could they be coming for me next? For my family? My brother?
These were all very real concerns of mine. I hurriedly leapt from my bed, my
bare feet making no sound as they hit the carpet. I stumbled around in the
blackness until I reached the doorknob. I practically fell out into the
landing, my heart thudding. From down the hall, I could hear Papa's loud
snoring and Mama's humming, but I had no interest in going to my parents. I
felt along the wall until I reached my brother's door. I didn't even bother to
knock, just walked inside. "Assef?" I was surprised by how small my voice came
out. He sat up in bed, his eyes blurry from sleep.
"W-what is it, kiddo?" Another noise made me jump and scurry over to him. Assef
pulled back the covers and I crawled into the bed beside him.
"What's going on?" I asked. "Are those guns?"
Assef nodded. "Yes. The king's going to be gone tomorrow."
My eyes widened. "Dead?"
"I don't know. Does it matter? Daoud Khan is going to be president. You
remember Daoud Khan, don't you?" I shook my head. Assef smiled. "He came last
year. He and Father, they get along quite well, and Daoud Khan's always seemed
to like me."
"And he'll be our new president?" I asked.
"I have no doubt about it. And, Saria, things are going to be different around
here, I can feel it." I rested my head against my brother's chest as he played
with a lock of my hair.
"I'm going to ask Daoud Khan to do what that kunis of a king never had the
balls to. To get rid of the Hazaras."
"Forever?"
"Forever. Send them off, murder them, put them in work camps. Final solution
and all that."
I smirked. "I want dibs on Hassan. Filthy cunt's got it coming to him."
Assef kissed the top of my head. "You and me, Saria, we're going to make the
world a better place, eliminate the filth. Mark my words." I stretched my arms
out in front of me, cracked my knuckles. Another gunshot went off. I couldn't
stop the whimper that escaped my lips. Assef held me to him. "Remember Saria,
they can't hurt you. They're our friends."
I looked down. My heart was pounding in my chest with every gunshot. "Trust me,
Saria. I would never lie to you. Never. Nobody is going to hurt you." I looked
up at my brother through tear filled eyes and smiled. As usual, he'd made me
feel a million times better.
"Father's still asleep," I noted. "I can hear him snoring."
"That man would sleep through an earthquake. Forget about checking your
children are okay. Stupid asshole," Assef muttered under his breath. I nodded
in agreement.
Another flash of light illuminated the night sky, though, this time, it did not
bother me. I had my brother's reassurances that I would not be harmed. That was
enough for me. "You can stay here with me if you want, kiddo," Assef said. "I
won't mind. Plenty of room, and besides, your room is closer to the front, so
those guns will keep you up all night." I nodded, stifling a yawn, and snuggled
down next to him.
The cold winter air streaming in through the window woke me the next morning,
which was odd, I thought, because I never left the window open. I looked around
me, rubbing my eyes with my fists. It must have been about half ten, or eleven.
I stretched my arms over my head. "Morning, kiddo, sleep well?" Assef asked,
sitting up beside me. I screamed and fell from the bed, landing heavily on my
backside.
"FUCK!" I gasped, my hand over my heart. "You scared the hell out of me. What
are you doing in my room?" Assef laughed and extended a hand to pull me up.
"We're in my room, kiddo. You came in here last night because of the gun shots.
Don't you remember?" Instantly, the memory of last night's terrifying gunfire,
and my brother's soothing words came back to me.
"I remember." I pointed to the open window. "You let the window open. Weren't
you cold?"
"I did? Oh sorry, Saria, I must have forgotten to close it. You weren't too
cold, were you?"
I shook my head. "Winter's almost over now. One week until spring. And school."
I added as an afterthought. Assef smiled and ruffled my already-tangled hair.
"I know, kiddo. We'll make the most of the week we have left together.
Promise." He kissed my cheek and stood up. "I hate to ask you to leave, but I'm
meeting Wali and Kamal in an hour and I need to get dressed." I nodded in
understanding and left the room.
The silence that met me on the corridor was eiree compared to the loud guns
that had woken me the previous night. I couldn't stop myself from wondering
that something bad hadhappened, and that I had slept through it. I imagined
myself flinging open the door to my parent's room, to find their cold dead
bodies lying in front of me, stained with blood. I imagined men coming for me,
taking me to an orphanage.
I imagined myself screaming in my brother's arms, begging to be allowed stay
together, as strangers wrestled us apart. To be thrown into a world where I had
nothing, and no one. Everyone always says I have an over-active imagination.
"You're worrying for nothing," I chastised myself as I took out my clothes and
shoes. "Assef told you there was nothing to be scared of. Daoud Khan's going to
be president and he's going to change things! No more Hazara's, Saria," Those
words instantly calmed me. "Just think, Hassan will be gone. Amir and I can be
together!"
I laughed to myself and spun around, arms outstretched. I dressed in a light
pink dress with a pink ribbon at the back, and tied my hair into two pigtails.
I looked at myself in the mirror. "Don't you look pretty?" I said aloud and the
angelic child staring back at me mouthed those same words.
I took another look at my china doll. Her glassy eyes seemed to stare into my
very soul. It unnerved me, to have this china-version of myself stare at me.
Was this what Adia felt like, when she looked into my eyes? What about Zainab?
My face had been the last thing she saw. Had she seen the coldness in my blue
eyes as I plunged that knife into her skin? Did her life flash before her, and
end with the eyes of her killer? Was I her china doll?
I walked downstairs and into the kitchen. My heart thudded as I opened the
door. I needed to see with my own eyes that nothing had gone wrong, that we
were all safe. That those guns had not affected us. I walked inside to find my
mother handing out plates of breakfast, and my father sifting through the
morning paper. I let out a sigh of relief. "Good morning," I said, bowing my
knees and extending the hem of my dress between my fingers. Mama's simpering
smile was hilarious.
"And a very good morning to you, my little sweetpea," she said, pulling me into
a hug. 'Fuck, bitch, what's got you so happy?' I wondered. Mama pulled away
from me, held me at arm's length, scrutinized every inch of me. "You're such a
good girl, Saria, do you know that?" she asked.
"Yes, Mama, thank you." I looked down shyly. She hugged me to her again. "I'm
blessed to have such wonderful children." She extended an arm to Assef,
offering him to join the uncomfortable embrace. Assef narrowed his eyes for a
moment before returning to his breakfast. Mama's smile faltered, but she knew
better than to push it.
I wriggled out of my mother's arms and went to sit beside my brother. He smiled
and kissed my hair. I hopped up on a stool beside him and tucked in. Papa
flicked through the paper. "Did you hear the gunshots last night?" I asked him.
He nodded. "They didn't bother me, though, I slept right through them. What
about you?"
"I-" I started but Assef cut across me.
"She came in to me last night, shaking like an Autumn leaf, terrified out of
her wits. I let her sleep in my bed. Took me a while to calm her down."
"Oh, baby," Mama cooed. Instantly, she was at my side, stroking my hair,
pressing me to her chest.
"It's okay, darling," Papa reached across and took my hand. "Everything is
going to be okay." Words of comfort they should have spoken last night, words
that I had already heard from my brother.
"Just thought you ought to know," Assef remarked. I looked into his eyes and I
could see his fury towards our parents for their lack of care. Not just for me,
but him too. As I watched him glare at them, a memory of a time long ago came
to me.
I am four years old, unsteady on my feet, a mess of blond hair and gap-teeth.
Assef is nine. We're supposed to be in bed, but neither of us can sleep.
There's a storm outside, and the loud noises terrify us. A flash of lightning.
Thunder. I jump and begin to cry. Assef presses me to his chest, kisses my
head. "It's okay," he tries to reassure me but his voice comes out shaken.
"I want Mama," I whimper. We go to our parents room, knock on the door. No
answer. The noises come again. Assef's eyes are filled with tears. He opens the
door, steps inside.
"We're scared. Can we stay with you tonight?"
Mama rolls over, looks at us through sleepy eyes. "It's just lightning." she
says. "Just a silly old storm."
"Don't be so stupid, the pair of you," Papa snaps. "Go back to bed. We all need
our rest." Assef looks them both in the eyes, arm still firmly around my
shoulders. I am openly sobbing now.
"Mommy, please." His voice, choked with tears, pleading. I will never forget
it. "Mommy..." She waves us away. Assef leads me into his room, tucks me into
bed. Kisses my forehead.
"I love you, sister," he whispered in my ear. The sound of his accent was
soothing. I look up at him and kiss him on the cheek.
"I love you too," I lisp. He climbs into bed with me, covers my ears with his
hands, hums some old song to soothe me to sleep. It's possibly the first time
anyone has ever taken my fears seriously. I love my brother in this moment.
Love him more than I've ever loved anyone.
I felt my eyes prick with tears, and quickly lept from the table. "Excuse me,"
I said hurriedly, brushing past my mother, almost knocking the glass in her
hand to the ground as I hurried out of the room. I tore up the stairs and
slammed the door to my room, sliding down the wall and burying my face in my
knees.
Memories of my childhood always brought out that emotional side of me. Sure, I
had been given enough toys to last an eternity, but that meant nothing to the
lost, lonely little girl who craved her parents affection. Mama and Papa were
always too busy with money to bother with their children. Assef has always been
there for me, guiding me, being a shoulder to cry on, chasing away any monsters
that scare or hurt me. As far as I am concerned, in the emotional sense of the
word; I am an orphan. My "parents" can burn in hell for all I care.
Even now, they did not come up the stairs to check whether I was alright. Too
busy with the paper I guess. Assef knocked on the door a few minutes later, as
I expected. "Saria, are you alright? Can I come in?" I nodded and opened the
door.
"Oh, kiddo," Assef sighed, reaching out to cup my cheek. I must have been
crying. I hadn't noticed.
"I was thinking about the storm," I muttered. Assef nodded sympathetically and
pulled me into his arms. We sat down on the bed together and I crawled into his
lap.
"The storm when you were four?" he asked.
I nodded. "Hearing those noises last night, brought it all back. They don't
care, Assef!" I choked. "Fucking hell, they never have and they never will!
Money, money, money, it's all I hear; day in, day out! Why did they even have
children if they don't give two shits about them?"
"I don't know. I really don't," Assef muttered, resting his head against mine.
He gently rubbed my back as I trembled with both sadness and rage.
I was snivelling now but I could not help myself. "You know something, Assef? I
wish I wasan orphan. I already feel like one."
"You know I'm here for you, Saria. You know that, right?"
I nodded. "I know, Assef. You've been more of a parent to me than Mama or Papa
could ever dream to be."
"Do you want to come with me today?" my brother asked. "I'm sure Wali and Kamal
won't mind."
"They won't?" I asked.
"Of course they won't. They love you. How could anyone not love you, kiddo?"
"I can think of many reasons!" I snickered. "We'll watch the kite fighting
tournament again this year, nay?" I asked.
"Caa, jan."
"Do you remember the kite runner who climbed that tree? Broke his back, never
walked again?"
"Hilarious."
"Yep. I love watching people get hurt. It's sort of thrilling, no?"
"So amazing." Assef kissed the top of my head. "Get your coat. I'll wait for
you downstairs." He ruffled my hair once more and left. I pulled on my duffle
coat but didn't bother to close it, as the day was quite humid. I stepped out
of my room and walked down stairs to meet my brother. "MOTHER, FATHER, I'M
MEETING WALI AND KAMAL!" Assef called. "SARIA'S GOING WITH ME."
No response. Assef shrugged and took my hand. We walked into the street. As
usual, it didn't take long to get to Kamal's house, and I was surprised to see
Kamal already there, waiting. "Nice to see you again, Saria." Kamal smiled at
me. I returned the gesture, bowing my knees.
"And it's nice to see you both as well," I said.
"Daoud Khan is president, did you hear?" Wali informed us.
Assef beamed. "Didn't I tell you, Saria?" he asked as I leaned back against his
legs.
"You sure did," I replied childishly.
"A day for celebration. What do you want to do today, kiddo?"
"I'm happy with just going for a walk," I answered honestly. "If that suits you
three, I mean."
"A walk it is then." Assef slipped his hand into mine, and kissed the top of my
head. I beamed up at him. To anyone watching it would have seemed like an
innocent scene. A girl and her brother. Happy families. Even now I amaze myself
at the simple childish gestures I could perfect. Assef continued to hold my
hand as we walked down the road together. I began to hum an old song I had
learned from one of the elderly Mullah's at school. He had been the one who
organised the cinema trip.
Remember, the one where I locked Zainab in the closet for three days? He'd
retired soon after that. I recently heard he'd gotten a heart attack and died
about seven months following. I like to think my behaviour had something to do
with that Hazara loving asswipe's death. A twisted sort of karma, if I may. I
sniggered to myself. "What's funny, jan?" Assef asked.
I looked up at him. "Nothing. Just memories. Happy, happy memories," I smiled
up at him.
"I know something that's going to make you even happier, Saria. Look. It's your
two little friends." He pointed to the distance. I had to crane my head to see
it. Sure enough, Amir was walking down the road a few paces ahead of us. Hassan
was with him. "Would you like to go over and say hello?" I nodded. Assef picked
up a rock and hurled it at Hassan. It hit his back, making him stumble. I saw
him moan in pain. I clapped my hands together gleefully. Amir turned around. I
could see the fear written on his face. It tore at my heart.
"Good afternoon, kunis!" Assef exclaimed, spreading his arms aloft.
Hassan stepped behind Amir, shaking like an Autumn leaf, as the expression
goes. "Hey, flat-nose," Assef said. "How is Babalu?"
He was, of course, referencing Hassan's father, a man with hideous features to
rival Masoods. Hassan's eyes widened in fear and he continued to creep ever so
slowly behind Amir, as if hoping to make himself invisible. "Have you heard the
news, boys?" Assef asked.
"The king is gone! Good riddance! Long live the president! My father knows
Daoud Khan, did you know that, Amir?"
"S-so does my father." My poor Amir was shaking now. I felt sympathy for him,
even though the whole scene was rather hilarious.
"So does my father," Assef mimicked.
I snickered behind my palm. "Well, Daoud Khan dined at our house last year. How
do you like that, Amir?" When Amir didn't reply, Assef went on. "Do you know
what I'm going to tell Daoud Khan the next time he comes to our house for
dinner? I'm going to have a little chat with him, man to man, mard to mard. I'm
going to tell him what I told my mother. About Hitler. Now there was a leader.
A great leader. A man with a vision."
I leaned my head against Assef's legs. He rested his hand on my shoulder. "I'll
tell Daoud Khan to remember that if they had just let Hitler finish what he'd
started, the would be a better place now."
"Baba says Hitler was crazy and he ordered a lot of innocent people killed."
"You sound like my mother and she's German, she should know better. But then
they want you to believe that, don't they? They don't want you to know the
truth." I was smiling like the chesire cat. This whole conversation was
thrillng. "But you have to read books they don t give out in school," Assef
explained. "I have. And my eyes have been opened. Now I have a vision, and I m
going to share it with our new president. Do you know what it is?" Amir didn't
respond. Assef carried on regardless. "Afghanistan is the land of Pashtuns. It
always has been, always will be. We are the true Afghans, the pure Afghans, not
this Flat-Nose here. His people pollute our homeland, our watan. They dirty our
blood. Afghanistan for Pashtuns, I say. That's my vision."
'Ourvision,' I thought to myself.
"Too late for Hitler," Assef said. "But not for us."
I noticed him reaching for the brass knuckles. I beamed. "I'll ask the
president to do what the king didn 't have the quwat to do. To rid Afghanistan
of all the dirty, kasseef Hazaras."
"J-just let us go, Assef." Amir's voice was shaking. "We're not bothering you."
"Oh, you're bothering me," Assef retorted. I looked up at him. He gave me a
simple smile before turning his attention back to where the frightened boy
stood. "You're bothering me very much. In fact, you bother me more than this
Hazara here. How can you talk to him, play with him, let him touch you?"
His voice dripped with disgust. He slipped the brass knuckles onto his hand. I
couldn't hide my smile. Shit was really about to go down now! "How can you call
him your friend?" I was wondering the same thing. "You're part of the problem,
Amir. If idiots like you and your father didn t take these people in, we d be
rid of them by now. They d all just go rot in Hazarajat where they belong.
You're a disgrace to Afghanistan."
Assef raised his fist. Lunged for Amir. I wondered whether I should do
something and after a moment's pause, decided against it. Amir needed to learn
that the way he treated Hassan was wrong. He needed to know his place before we
could be together properly. If a beating from my brother taught him that, I was
more than willing to watch it happen. I didn't get to watch any beating,
however. Hassan picked up a rock, placed it in his slingshot.
"Please leave us alone, Agha," he said.
Assef stopped what he was doing. "Put it down, you motherless Hazara."
"Please leave us be, Agha," Hassan repeated.
"Maybe you didn't notice, but there are four of us and two of you."
"You are right, Agha. But perhaps you didn't notice that I'm the one holding
the slingshot. If you make a move, they ll have to change your nickname from
Assef the Ear Eater to One-Eyed Assef, because I have this rock pointed at your
left eye." I froze in shock. Was this little cuntthreateningmy brother? I had
an urge to fly at him, to let him really have it, but Kamal held me back. I
hissed like a feral cat.
"You should know something about me, Hazara," Assef said gravely. "This doesn't
end today. I'm a very patient person. This doesn't end for you either, Amir.
Some day I'll make you face me one on one. Come along, Saria." He took my hand
and began to lead me away. "Your Hazara made a very big mistake today Amir."
I was almost shaking with rage as Assef led me away from the scene. How fucking
dare that boy threaten my brother like that? Did he have any idea of the
repercussions of his actions? My mind flashed to the way I had burned
cigarettes into Adia's stomach. Maybe I could do the same to Hassan. Did I even
need the cigarettes? I could just burn him with a lighter! It was decided then.
The next time I saw him, I would make him pay for what he had done. I would
stand up for Assef, the way he always stands up for me.
Hassan, I will make you bleed. You will regret your actions today. Mark my
words.
***** Birthday Wishes *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria was absolutely disgusted to watch Hassan
     threaten to shoot her brother's eye out with his slingshot.. She made
     a mental note that she wanted to burn Hassan for what he did. Now, we
     find that it's her 12th birthday but how will she feel when her
     supposed 'best friend' forgets it?
I felt no different today then I usually did, and I wondered, 'is there
something wrong with me?' Today was my twelfth birthday but I didn't feel
twelve. I still felt like the eleven year old I had been when I went to bed the
night before. On the one hand, like any other young girl, I was extremely
excited for my birthday, but on the other, the thought of getting older
unnerved me. One year from this exact day, I would be thirteen. A teenager.
Then fourteen, fifteen and so on. I knew that I would not be able to keep up
the pretenses much longer.
Eventually, like everyone else, I would be an adult. I wouldn't be able to use
my youth and innocence to fool people as I did now. The snow was beginning to
melt. In four days time, I would return to school with Adia. We were going to
travel in Javid's car, along with the grotesque Masood. Masood and Assef were
in the same class, which pleased my brother a lot when he found out. The scar
on Masood's face showed no sign of disappearing.
I knew he would be disfigured for the rest of his life. He would probably die
alone, with no wife. No honour. No namoos. After all, what self-respecting
woman would want a man who looked the way he did? No family would allow their
daughter to marry someone like that. People would talk, would whisper behind
their backs. I know that my parents would never in a million years allow their
precious only daughter to marry someone so vile.
The clock was ticking on the wall behind me. I, along with my parents and
brother, was gathered in the living room. I wore a white dress with pink polka
dots, and a ribbon tied at the back. My hair had been curled, and held back by
a pink ribbon. "Happy birthday, my baby." Mama handed me a white envelope.
"This is from the both of us." She inicated towards Papa.
"Thank you," I replied politely, ripping open the envelope. A wad of cash flew
out. I beamed and clutched it to my chest. "Thank you! Thank you!" I hugged
each of them tightly. I clapped my hands together excitedly like a fucking
seal.
"Read the card," Papa smiled stupidly at me. I looked down at it while they
watched me intently.
Our darling Saria,
Twelve years old already! How time flies! Our little girl is growing up. It
feels like only yesterday when you were born, our precious baby. We can't tell
you how much we love you. There are no words for it. Over the years, you've
grown from a gap-toothed little toddler, to a beautiful young woman. You are so
beautiful, inside and out. We are so proud of you, and the person you are
becoming. We love you more than anything. Love, Mama and Papa
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"T-this is beautiful. Thank you," I whispered. I bit my lip, trying hard not to
laugh. 'We are so proud of the person you are becoming.' That showed how little
my parents knew about me. I squeezed my eyes shut and a single tear fell down
my cheek. "I love you too," I said, embracing them.
Assef threw something at me and I caught it. I smiled at him and tore open the
wrapping paper. A brown-haired rag doll tumbled onto my lap. I beamed and
hugged her to my chest. "She's so cute!" I squealed. "I love her! Thank you!" I
reached up and flung my arms around my brother's neck.
"You're welcome," he replied. "You'll get your real present from me later. Be
patient," he whispered in my ear. I nodded and kissed him on the cheek. Assef's
card was a lot less sentimental than my parent's with none of the bullshit.
Saria, Happy twelfth birthday, kiddo. Enjoy it. I love you. Assef x
"You look an absolute picture in your dress, Saria," Mama gushed. "Stand up,
let's take a look at you." I instantly obeyed, getting to my feet and putting
myself on display from them both to ogle at me. I smoothed down the front of my
dress and dipped a polite curtsey. Mama placed a hand over her mouth, her eyes
misting over.
"Give us a twirl, Saria," Papa ordered. I closed my eyes and spun around twice,
feeling utterly foolish. I truly felt like an animal in a zoo, something for
them to ogle at and fawn over.
"You're like a little princess," Mama said. "Such a pretty little pet, aren't
you?" She embraced me so tightly I felt my circulation was being cut off. "Do
you like your party dress, baby?" I nodded as best I could with my face pressed
up against her legs. "My baby is growing up." She released me, and I rolled my
eyes behind her back. As usual, she didn't even notice. I could get away with
practically anything, especially today.
"We have a hugesurprise for you later today, jan," Papa said. I looked up.
"Really? What is it? Tell me!" I had to try extra hard to feign enthusiasm. God
only knows what babyish surprise my mother and father had planned.
"Well, that would ruin the surprise wouldn't it?" Mama said in a babyish voice.
Literally. You'd think she was talking to a one year old. "We, that is, your
father and I, are going for a drive to pick it up. We'll be back by about tea
time. Okay?"
"Alright," I shrugged. In all honesty I was glad to get them out of my hair.
"We'll go for a walk, Saria," Assef said, smiling warmly at me. "It's too nice
a day to be stuck inside."
"Wear a coat and mittens, though," Mama said. "It's absolutely freezing out
there! You too, Assef, we don't want either of you to catch a chill." Assef
rolled his eyes and smiled at me sympathetically. He hugged me and kissed the
top of my head.
"Come upstairs with me. I have something for you," he whispered in my ear.
As I entered Assef's room, I couldn't help but wonder what he had bought me.
The doll he had given me earlier was adorable, and I knew he was well aware of
the torture I would put her through. "Do you like your doll, kiddo?" He must
have read my mind. "She sort of looks like Zainab, nay? If you ever get angry
you can play with her. Relive that moment." He leaned down and kissed my blonde
hair. "I have never been more proud of you than I was when you killed her." He
reached under his bed and pulled out a small box.
"Happy birthday," he said, handing it to me. "Now, for goodness sake, don't let
Mother and Father see this." I nodded and lifted the lid. Inside was a small
lighter, black in colour, with a silver chain attached. Perfect for burning a
certain Hazara who had humiliated my brother.
I stared at it, imagining Hassan's Chinese face crumpling in pain, his tiny
eyes filling with tears. "Well, do you like it?" I nodded and threw my arms
around his neck.
"I love it! Thank you! You're like a freaking' mind-reader, Assef, did you know
that?"
He laughed and ruffled my hair. "Glad you like it. Go and get your coat and
we'll go for a walk."
"Wali and Kamal coming?" I asked.
"No, Wali's got the vomiting bug and Kamal's in trouble at home."
"Why?"
"Got caught stealing."
"Poor Kamal," I said sympathetically. I did feel for him on some level. Still,
he shouldn't have been stupid enough to get caught now, should he?
I buttoned up my coat and put on a pair of mittens as Mama had ordered. I had,
of course, hidden Assef's present with my other "weapons" under the bed. I
literally could not wait to use it. Today was turning out to be a lot better
than I had anticipated. Assef and I walked down the road, me skipping on ahead.
As usual, I couldn't help but wonder what I looked like to an outsider.
The pretty blonde child - a strange sight for a country like Afghanistan - full
of charm and poise. I could pass for nine or ten, if I wanted to, with my short
stature and childish mannerisms. My mind wandered to Amir. Hopefully my first
love. My husband if we could get rid of Hassan. I hoped I would not see them
today. I knew that my anger would be too great to hold in if I did, and I
didn't want to do anything I would later regret. I was still reeling from that
day on the hill.
As we walked further into market, I noticed a young girl walking a few paces
ahead of us, singing some old Farsi song. Her long black hair hung in a plait
which swished from side to side as she walked. I smiled widely. It was Adia.
"Oh this is too brilliant!" I beamed. "Happy birthday to me!" I turned and ran
back to Assef. "Look, there's Adia." I pointed to her.
"Do you want to go play with her?" he asked. "I won't mind. You should spend
the day with your best friend." I clapped my hands excitedly, thinking of all
the "fun" Adia and I could have together. "Go on. I'll be back at the house." I
nodded and hurried to catch up with Adia.
I placed my hands over her eyes. She screamed. "Guess who?" I giggled. She
turned and her mouth quivered in fear.
"Saria, h-how are you?"
"Oh, I'm all the better now that I've seen you!" I exclaimed. I hooked my arm
under the crook of her elbow. "Let's go play in the woods." We set off. As we
walked, I noticed that not once did Adia wish me a happy birthday. I didn't say
anything. She would remember. I had drilled it into her for the past week and a
half.
She couldn't have forgotten. Adia was silent as I led her into the woods. The
very same woods where I had marked her as my property. I could smell the fear
resonating from her, and it was like a drug. I could not get enough of it. I
sat down on a fallen tree and pulled her down with me. "Don't look so
frightened, jan. I just wanted to talk." She nodded like the obedient dog she
is.
I swung my legs back and forth childishly, giggling to myself. Adia was rigid,
her eyes searching mine for some sign of the madness she knew lurked within. "I
won't hurt you," I told her truthfully. "Not today."
"Okay," she replied. She still hadn't wished me a happy birthday. An
acknowledgement was all I asked of her. I didn't even expect her to get me
anything. Just to take notice of the fact that this was a very important day in
her best friends life. I gave that girl everthing. I was all she had. Was this
how she repaid me? All I asked was that she remember one simple date! I leaned
back and sighed deeply. I was becoming enraged and we couldn't have that now,
could we?
"You l look real pretty today, Saria," Adia complimented me. I got to my feet,
spun around, my arms aloft. Laughed.
"Thank you. Mama bought me this dress specially." I looked pointedly at her,
hoping she would remember.
"It's really pretty!" she said again. I giggled and dipped a polite curtsey.
"I had to dress up today. Do you know what today is?" I asked her outright,
leaning in to her face. She stumbled and almost fell flat on her backside. I
picked up a rock, held it close to her face. "Think long and hard about that
answer. We wouldn't want someone as pretty as you to "have an accident?" would
we?"
I stroked her cheek with the rock. She whimpered. Licked her lips. I caught her
wrist and pulled her up. We were now almost nose to nose. "You don't know, do
you?" She shook her head.
"That's too bad. I won't tell you. We're going to play a little game of chase.
I'll give you a head start. You'd better have remembered by the time I catch up
to you. On your marks, get set, go!" She took off running into the woods.
I waited about five minutes until I could no longer see her, then I began the
chase. In all honesty, I was kind of hoping that she wouldn't remember. I
clutched the rock tightly. I stumbled clumsily over rocks and fallen branches,
giggling like a drunkard. This was going to be fun! I couldn't wait to catch up
with her, make that little bitch pay for forgetting about me. My hair was
getting messy, but I didn't care. I just kept running. Adia had to be close
now. I stopped, looked up at the trees. I had run for what felt like ten whole
minutes.
"Come out, Adia!" I called. "Come on out and play! You're not scared of me, are
you?" I chortled, already knowing the answer. "Why don't you face me? Come on,
little one!"
Nothing. "You're a coward, Adia! A coward just like your freak of a brother!
Assef should have killed him when he had the chance!"
I felt something slam into me from behind, and I fell to the ground, landing
heavily on my knees. I winced in pain. Looked up. That little bitch! "Don't
talk about Masood like that!" she screamed, her face red with rage. "Don't you
dare talk about my brother like that! He's ten million times the mard Assef
will ever be!"
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her bend down and pick up a rock. I
didn't even have time to react before the rock collided with the side of my
head. I winced in pain, clenched my fists. I would not cry. I would not give
her the satisfaction. I heard footsteps retreating behind me; Adia had fled. I
shakily got to my feet. The front of my dress was covered in mud. I tentatively
touched my head, then stared at my hand as I pulled it away.
Blood. Tears fell from my eyes and onto the floor. "Stupid bitch, stupid
fucking bitch!" I muttered, my voice shaking. I started to walk out of the
woods. My knee was aching, and I had to stop myself from falling over.
Eventually, I made it back to the house. I snuck in the back, closed the door
gently behind me. I could only hope that my parents weren't home yet. I tiptoed
into the kitchen, sat down shakily in a chair.
Assef walked into the room. "God, what happened to you?" he asked. The
concerned look in his eyes opened the floodgates for me. I ran to him and flung
my arms around him. He squatted down so we were on a level, and held my hands.
"What's wrong? What happened?" His eyes flickered to my head. "You're
bleeding!" he exclaimed.
I nodded and told him everything that had transpired in the woods with Adia.
"Well, first of all, we need to take a look at your head." He helped me sit up
on the kitchen table. "Do you feel okay? You don't have a concussion or
anything?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. It just stings a little, that's all."
"You sure? That's a fair amount of blood," Assef said as he pressed a cool wet
cloth to my temple.
"I'm sure. Her aim isn't as good as yours or mine would have been." I wiped my
nose on the back of my hand. I hopped down from the table. "I'm going to get
changed." I looked down at my filthy dress.
"I'll get Hamilra to wash your dress," Assef said, referring to our Hazara
servant. "And don't worry, I'll make sure she doesn't tell Mother and Father
about this."
I nodded and ran upstairs, changed into a blue striped pinafore with ribbon at
the back. I re-adjusted my hair, beginning to feel quite murderous.
I reached under the bed and pulled out the present Assef had given me only
hours earlier. I smiled. "Let's see how brave the little bitch is now," I said
to myself. I smirked to myself as I skipped into the kitchen again.
"You're looking brighter," Assef noted.
I held the lighter out to him. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked,
grinning widely.
He laughed and threw his arm around me. "Come on, then." We walked the twenty
minutes to Adia's home. I found her sitting outside, absent mindedly playing
with one of her dolls. I grabbed her by the arm roughly and began dragging her
out the gate.
"Where are you taking me?" she asked frantically. I said nothing. She began to
wriggle out of my grasp, but Assef grabbed her left arm and twisted it so it
was against her back.
"Try that again and I'll break it," he threatened. We frogmarched her deep into
the woods. Once I was sure we would not be seen, I let her go. She fell to her
knees on the ground, and I pushed her forward so she lay flat in front of me.
"What do you want me to do with her?" Assef asked.
"Just hold her down so she can't move," I said. Adia began whimpering as Assef
pinned her arms above her head. I knelt in front of her and lifted her top. I
pulled out the lighter and flicked it on. She screamed and began thrashing. Her
legs kicked at the dust futilely. I placed the lighter on her stomach, watched
the flames burn her. Her eyes filled with tears. I did this for about five
minutes.
"Alright, turn her over," I said. I began to do the same to her back. She was
now full out sobbing from the pain! I began crying from laughter. Assef flipped
her over, took out his brass knuckles and hit her in the stomach with them,
right where I had burned her. She arched her back and let out a blood-curdling
scream. It was music to my ears.
We left her there to bleed while we ran away. Later that night, I found out
that my parents had organised fireworks for me. No mention was made of my
dress, luckily. Masood came, and Adia too. She was pale, and looked like death
warmed over. She's lucky I didn't kill her. I could have, you know.
There's a fine line between human and animal. My brother and I just crossed
that line.
***** My brother's sins *****
Chapter Summary
     In chapter ten, Assef gives Saria a lighter for her birthday. She got
     the chance to use it on Adia when she had the audacity to bully her..
     Now, the day of the Kite Tournament has arrived and Assef has a
     surprise for his baby sister..
Chapter Notes
     This chapter now enters the rape scene of the original novel so
     reader caution is advised....
I woke up shivering. Today was certainly going to be chilly. I got up and
wandered over to the window. A thin layer of snow covered the ground outside,
and you could barely see the family car. I giggled childishly. I did love snow.
After all, so many people slipped and fell, broke bones. How thrilling was
that? I placed my hands down on the windowsill and watched the flakes fall for
a few moments. The brightness outside told me it must have been quite late in
the morning. I had overslept. "Looks like it's going to be chilly today,
Saria," I told myself. "Better wrap up warm, you don't want to catch a cold." I
walked over to my wardrobe and perused through my dresses.
My mother would have a fit if I got a cold. I pulled out a white long-sleeved
dress and a matching blue shirt to go underneath it. I smiled to myself. Held
the items of clothing up to me. "Won't you look adorable?" I giggled. It didn't
take me long to get changed and I tied a pink ribbon to the side of my freshly
washed blonde curls. A picture of innocence as always. I emerged from my room
and walked down the hall. The sounds of my parent's pointless banter filled my
ears as I walked towards the kitchen. From my view, I could see them chatting
over a cup of black tea and my brother sitting on a stool, chin in his hand,
looking extremely bored. I made sure to keep a perpetual smile on my face as I
walked inside.
"Good morning," I said, beaming as I bowed my knees and extended the hem of my
dress. Mama's simpering smile was comical as usual. She embraced me tightly.
"And good morning to you too, my little sugar lump," she cooed.
Papa ruffled my hair, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "How's my little pumpkin
today, hmm?" he asked.
"Fine, Papa." I made sure to be polite. After untangling myself from my
mother's embrace, I went over to my brother and climbed onto his lap. He
wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. I beamed up at him,
giggled.
"You're very chipper this morning, kiddo," Assef commented.
"Of course I am. It's such a beautiful day outside. I mean, look at all that
snow!" I emphasized.
"And the kite fighting tournament is today," Papa announced as I reached across
the table to grab a slice of naan bread. I lay my head against Assef's chest as
I chewed. He played absent-mindedly with one of my many curls.
"Yes, Papa. I can't wait! It's going to be so much fun! God knows I need a bit
of fun before I return to school." I joked. Mama and Papa laughed, as they
always too. Not even my own parents could resist my charm.
"I would have taken you, Saria-jan but unfortunately I have to work today."
Papa sounded rightly pissed off. Not that it bothered me in the slightest. He
could fuck off for all I cared.
"That's a pity." I forced myself to sound sincere. Obviously, I could give two
flying fucks about my father's predicament.
"It is, jan. I was hoping we could spend a father-daughter day together. No
matter. I guess we'll do it some other time. After all, those planes don't fly
themselves." I forced a chuckle.
"I'll take her," Assef said. "We'll have fun, won't we, Saria?"
"Oh, you bet we will!" We shared a knowing look. I didn't even have to feign
excitement. The kite fighting tournament was easily the highlight of the entire
winter for me. So many chances for me to cause trouble!
I was rudely grabbed by my bitch of a mother. She pulled me down with such
vigour that I whacked my elbow off the table. I winced in pain. She pressed me
up against her chest, stroked my hair with long nails. My face was squished up
against the fabric of her flowing dress. She kissed my forehead. 'Imagine
Saria, if only she knew she had a torturer and murderer in her arms right now!'
I stifled a giggle.
Mama kissed my cheek. "You'll squash your poor brother, my big girl!" she
quipped. This stung. 'Bitch could do with putting on a bit of weight herself,
she's like a stick insect,' I thought angrily. I may be a sociopath but
comments like that about my weight still hurt. I'm still female, you know. Mama
released me and kissed my face repeatedly.
"Look at you, gorgeous, you're just as cute as a button," she gushed. Wow,
she's changed her tune, hasn't she? I smiled demurely and walked back to my
brother. He held out his arms and lifted me onto his lap again.
"You're not fat, Sar. Don't listen to that bitch," he whispered in my ear. I
giggled and rested my head against his chest.
"It always amazes me how close the pair of you are," Papa mused. I looked up at
Assef and smiled.
"You don't know how many people would kill for a brother like you," I told him.
"And how many people would kill for a sister like you." I giggled into my palm.
Mama and Papa looked at us, smiling, not understanding the sincerity of Assef's
words. Both of us knew we would go to the ends of the earth for each other. I
took a glance at the clock. 11:15 AM, it read.
The kite fighting tournament wasn't going to start until at least 2:00.
Patience was certainly a virtue I would struggle with today, as usual. Assef
fiddled with one of the buttons on my dress. He bounced his legs up and down
while I giggled. I would certainly pass for much younger than twelve to anyone
who saw me. 'Good girl, Saria. Play it up for them.' I told myself. "Them" of
course being my parents. My mother especially.
She just couldn't get over how adorably I was behaving today. "Why don't you
and your brother go play outside while you're waiting for the tournament to
begin?" Papa suggested. I nodded and leapt from Assef's knee. I began to dart
for the door.
"Make sure you both wear jackets!" Mama ordered. "Saria, your duffle coat
should be in your wardrobe. You know, the blue one?" How many fucking duffle
coats do I have? I thought to myself.
"Yes, Mama. I'll go right up and get it." I skipped out the door, feeling an
utter fool. Stopped. Turned back. "Assef, I'll meet you outside!" I called.
Once I was sure I could not be seen, my face darkened, allowing my true self to
emerge. I stormed up to my bedroom and closed the door quietly behind me.
I knelt down and lifted the cover of my bed. There they were. My most prized
possessions. The bag containing the weapon I had murdered Zainab with, and the
lighter Assef had bought me for my birthday. I smiled as I stared at the
bloodied knife. Of course I would have to dispose of it soon. There was a
Hazara man who lived just a few blocks down from us. He was a servant, as they
all are. Jamil, his name was. He had a reputation for being a bit... rough,
shall we say? He used to chase children away from his masters garden.
Of course, nobody would think it suspicious for this man to have killed Zainab.
The authorities had exhausted themselves with the search for her killer, but
they were ruthless. They would not stop until whoever did this paid. I would
not go down though. I promised myself this every night. After all, who would
people believe? The Hazara servant or the pretty young child from the big house
with the palm trees? Who would you believe, if you did not know me? I can be
very persuasive when I put my mind to it. I quietly returned my precious
belongings to their hiding spot.
"Right, let's see, where's that fucking coat?" I mused as I sorted through an
array of dresses, tops and jackets. I finally found what I was looking for. A
blue duffle coat with matching gloves. I slipped it on and buttoned it up. I
just could not wait for the tournament to begin. I ran downstairs to where
Assef waited for me out the back. He held out his arms and I ran into them. For
two sociopaths, it was amazing how gentle we were with each other. Assef spun
me around while I laughed in utter delight.
"You looking forward to today, kiddo?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yeah, it's going to be so much fun! I just can't wait!" I
emphasized.
Assef laughed. "And I have a surprise of my own for you, sport." I was filled
to the brim with excitement. I jumped up and down, my hands over my mouth.
"What is it? What is it? Tell me!"
Assef grinned. "No, not now. Later. After the tournament. If all goes well this
will be the best day we've had in a long time."
"I hate being kept in the dark, Assef! I want to know now!"
He laughed at my enthusiasm. "You just have to be patient, dear." I could see
my parents watching the two of us. Bending down, I picked up a snowball and
flung it at my brother.
"Oh, you're going to regret that," he said through laughter and began to chase
me. I shrieked in "terror" and ran from him. I crouched down behind one of the
palm trees, waiting for the right moment to "attack" 'He's never going to see
this coming.' I thought. Suddenly my vision turned black. I screamed in terror.
"Having fun?" Assef whispered in my ear.
"You scared me!" I shrieked. "How did you know I was here?"
"You forget this was my favorite hiding spot when I was your age. I used to
ambush Wali and Kamal all the time." He gently shoved me onto my back and
pinned my arms by my sides.
"Now, I told you I'd get you for your little escapades there!" I began laughing
incoherently as Assef dug his fingers into my ribs.
"Ahhh! NOOOOOOOOOOO! Assef! Stohohohoop!" I giggled through my tears. Assef was
relentless though, and I could not get away. "Stop! Stop! I'm sorry!" I
screamed. Anyone who knows me knows how ticklish my ribs are. "I give!
Stohohohohohhop!" I was getting out of breath.
Assef could see this and released me. I lay panting on the ground underneath
him. "You okay?" He instantly switched to concerned older brother mode.
I nodded. "You.. are.. a... nutter."
He held me at arms length. Tickled me again. "What was that?"
I giggled, twisting under his hands like a fish caught on a hook. "Ahh!
Nothing! Nothing!"
Assef smiled. "Thought so." He got up and extended a gloved hand to me. "Come
on. Let's get you some lunch, eh?" We walked back into the house.
"You two have fun?" Mama asked as she served a piping bowl of lentil soup.
"Yes, we did." I beamed at her. I could eat my mother's lentil soup all day.
This was the stuff of heaven. Assef sat beside me. My mind whirred as I thought
of the surprise he had waiting. Whatever could it be?
My teeth clacked against the spoon. A bad habit of mine my mother was desperate
to stamp out. Alas, she didn't seem all that bothered today. I wondered what
could have gotten her in such a good mood. Papa was getting ready to leave for
work. He came over to me and kissed my forehead. "Bye, my little sugarpie." He
said. I beamed up at him.
"Have a good day at work, Papa."
"Oh, I doubt that!" We shared a laugh. "Look after your sister, sport." He
ruffled Assef's hair. Assef tensed. A tell-tale sign that he was getting
cheesed off.
"You go to work now, Father. I'm sure your boss won't be too pleased if you're
late." Papa nodded obediently, kissed Mama with a passion I did not need to
witness while eating lunch, and left. The minutes ticked by as I ate my soup.
Patience was not one of my strong points. I could feel the beginnings of a
tantrum already. I felt like a child on Christmas morning, when it's too early
to get up. You know the feeling? It's wonderful and horrible all at the same
time, right? Eventually, Mama took my empty bowl over to the sink.
"Good girl Saria, eating all your lunch," she complimented. "A pity Assef
wouldn't do the same." Assef regarded her coldly, tossed the half filled bowl
into the sink with such force that it cracked.
"Oh dear, you'll have to buy another one," he joked. Mama looked as though she
want to say something, but wisely decided against it. "Right then, kiddo! Let's
go!" Assef took my hand.
"Oh really? Is it time already?" I was a ball of energy.
"Yep. Come on. We'll meet Wali and Kamal on the way." I began to bounce up and
down in excitement. These were not forced emotions on my part.
"Yes! Yes! I've waited all winter for this!" We walked out the front gate. I
was still bouncing. After walking for about ten minutes, we finally met up with
Wali and Kamal. I gave them each a hug.
"Someone's excited!" Wali mused. I was skipping around in front of them in as
we walked. My brother conversed with his friends about who knows what.
"Never seen a kid get so wound up," Kamal chortled. I turned back to face them.
"Assef has a surprise for me, but he won't say what. Do any of you know what it
could be?" They both shook their heads.
"He mentioned something but our lips are sealed," Wali told me.
"OHHHHHHHH I hate waiting!"
"This will be worth the wait, kiddo, I promise," Assef ruffled my hair. My
beloved Amir would be in the tournament today. Hassan, the little bitch, would
be his kite runner. Word on the street was that he was the best kite runner in
the entire district. We would see.
I hoped Amir would win. I would be rooting for him. We walked through a throng
of excited children. I spotted Adia sitting with Masood. They were deep in
conversation. I bounded over and flung my arms around the shocked ten year old.
"How are you?" I was too happy to even consider beating her up. She should be
thankful for that fact.
"It's lovely to see you again, Saria," Masood beamed. "Don't you look pretty
today?" I giggled.
Assef placed a hand on my shoulder. "Come on, you can see your friends any
day." He seemed quite protective of me today.
"It was nice seeing you, Masood jan."
"And you too." I could hear the stutter in Masood's voice. He was surely
feeling quite nervous. He was right to be. We left them to sit and talk.
"Freaks!" I chortled into my palm. Assef laughed and squeezed me tight. Nothing
could ruin my good mood today. We found a log and sat down. Children breezed
past us, filled to the brim with excitement. I could hear parents hollering on
the roof. Looking up, I spotted Amir's father, Yusef. I don't think he saw me.
He was as excited as I was to watch his boy compete.
I kept an eye out for Amir. He looked rather nervous. Poor little thing. I
hoped he would be successful. Hassan held the spool as Amir unwound the kite. I
felt deep detestation as I watched the Hazara. I clasped my hands and leaned
down on my chin. "Come on, come on." Assef sat with one arm around my shoulder.
Wali and Kamal were both quiet as usual.
Beautiful kites littered the sky. I watched them fly with awe. I was as amazed
as any other girl my age would be. One by one, the kites were being cut. I
imagined them to be my victims, falling one by one. Amir seemed to be hanging
in there. "Come on, my love!" I urged. I blew a kiss in his direction.
Omar seemed to be winning. He was a boy of about fourteen who lived a few
blocks down from me. His skills at kite fighting were legendary, much like my
temper. I clapped my hands together in anticipation as the next kite fell. "You
enjoying yourself?" Wali asked. I nodded, beaming. The crowd roared as Omar cut
another kite. So many kites had already been cut.
"Come on! Come on!" I screamed, jumping up. I pumped my fists.
"What an adorable little girl," remarked a woman sitting at a table a few steps
away from us.
"That's Saria Ahmed, Mahmood and Tanya's girl," her friend informed her. "She's
a pet." I hunched forward in anticipation.
"Boboresh! Boboresh!" The crowd roared. We were now down to the last two kites.
Omar and Amir. Both battled for dominance over the other. I closed my eyes as I
heard the unmistakable sound of a kite being cut. And then Omar's blue kite
spun through the air, lost.
"YES! YES! YESSSSSS!" I roared in utter excitement. I jumped up and down.
"Fucking brilliant! Get in there!" Assef laughed at my enthusiasm. Amir and
Hassan embraced, bouncing up and down. Tears filled my eyes. This was pure
elation on my part. "FUCK YEAH, AMIR!" I cheered. Assef ruffled my hair.
"Happy now, sport?" I nodded. Hassan had now run off to fetch the downed kite.
Assef was instantly on his feet.
"Come on, kiddo."
"What?" I asked.
"I told you I had a surprise, didn't I?" I was now filled top to toe with utter
excitement.
"Really? Where is it? Where is it?"
Assef smiled down at me. "Come on." We began to run. I had no clue as to where
he was taking me. My heart beat in my chest like a hammer against cloth. Wali
and Kamal followed close behind. Night was beginning to fall. The tournament
must have lasted longer than I thought.
Assef walked with a determination in his step that I had never seen before. We
walked down a deserted alleyway. "Assef, what are we doing here?" I asked.
"It's your surprise, kiddo. Look." I peered down the alley. Hassan was backed
into a corner. He held the blue kite in one hand. I clapped my hands
delightedly.
"Assef, is this? Oh wonderful!" he beamed and walked further into the alley,
trapping the Hazara.
Assef lifted me onto a nearby staircase. I dangled my legs, swinging them back
and forth. Assef folded his arms and stared at the young boy in front of him.
"Where's your slingshot, Hazara?" he asked teasingly. "What was it you said?
They'll have to call you One-Eyed Assef. That's right. One-Eyed Assef. That was
clever. Really clever. Then again, it's easy to be clever when you're holding a
loaded weapon." I sniggered into my palm. Assef continued. "But today is your
lucky day, Hazara. I'm in a mood to forgive. What do you say to that, boys?"
"That's generous," said Kamal. His voice shook. "Especially after the rude
manners he showed us last time."
"Bakhshida. Forgiven. It's done. Of course, nothing is free in this world, and
my pardon comes with a small price."
"That's fair," said Kamal.
"Nothing is free," Wali added. I was filled with excitement and anticipation.
This beat the tournament hands down.
"You're a lucky Hazara." My brother stepped towards Hassan, reached out a hand.
"Because today, it's only going to cost you that blue kite. A fair deal, boys,
isn t it?"
"More than fair," Kamal said.
Hassan, being the stupid cunt he is, shook his head. "Amir agha won the
tournament and I ran this kite for him. I ran it fairly. This is his."
"A loyal Hazara. Loyal as a dog," Assef said. I couldn't help the laugh that
escaped my lips.
Assef smiled over at me. "But before you sacrifice yourself for him, think
about this: Would he do the same for you? Have you ever wondered why he never
includes you in games when he has guests? Why he only plays with you when no
one else is around? I'll tell you why, Hazara. Because to him, you're nothing
but an ugly pet. Something he can play with when he's bored, something he can
kick when he's angry. Don't ever fool yourself and think you're something
more."
"Amir agha and I are friends." Hassan looked flushed. This was turning out to
be a great day for me.
"Friends?" Assef sniggered. "You pathetic fool. Now, bas. Enough of this. Give
us that kite." Hassan bent down and picked up a rock. Assef took a step back.
Stopped. "Last chance, Hazara." Hassan cocked the rock up higher. "As you
wish." Assef unbuttoned his jacket. Folded it carefully. Walked over to me.
"Saria, will you hold this for me, please?" He had that crazed look in his eyes
he often gets when he's going to punish someone. I grinned at him.
"It would be my pleasure." I held the folded jacket in my arms.
Assef kissed my forehead. "Good girl."
"I've changed my mind," Assef said to Hassan. "I'm letting you keep the kite,
Hazara. I'll let you keep it so it will always remind you of what I'm about to
do." Then he threw himself on Hassan.
Hassan released the rock. It struck my brother on the forehead. Soon, the
Hazara bitch was pinned down on the floor. Assef tore off his pants. Tossed
them aside.
It was then I realized exactly what my brother had in mind. I hunched forward,
waiting. Wali's eyes locked on mine.
"I don't think Saria should watch." His voice was shaken. Assef pressed his
foot down harder onto Hassan's neck. The Hazara boy's answering hiss of pain
echoed throughout the alleyway. I couldn't stop the giggle that escaped my
lips. Wali gaped at me. "She shouldn't be allowed to watch."
"She can stay if she wants to. That's her right," Assef said. He looked over at
me. "You want to stay, don't you, kiddo?" he asked. I nodded through my
hysteria.
"Yes," I managed to splutter out.
Assef grinned. "Alright then. That's settled. She stays. Now, let's have some
fun."
"I don't know," Wali muttered. My father says it's sinful."
"Your father won't find out," Assef said. "And there's nothing sinful about
teaching a lesson to a disrespectful donkey." I sniggered. This was the best
day ever!
"I don't know, Wali's voice shook.
"Suit yourself," Assef said. He turned to Kamal. "What about you?"
"I... well..."
"It s just a Hazara," Assef said. But Kamal kept looking away
"Fine," Assef snapped. All I want you weaklings to do is hold him down. Can you
manage that?" They both nodded, relieved. Assef and I locked eyes for a moment.
Tears of pure joy streamed down my face.
Hassan was going to get exactly what he deserved. Assef unbuttoned his
trousers. Dropped his underwear. The reality of what was going to happen
finally hit me.
My brother was going to rape someone. Of course, he had done this before, but I
had never witnessed it. I suddenly realized how messed up we both were. Him to
do such a thing, and me to watch with such joy. 'It's only a Hazara.' I thought
to myself. Hassan deserved this pain. This humiliation. Assef thrusted back and
forth. Grunted. Hassan didn't even whimper. This angered me. Why wasn't he
screaming in pain? Begging for mercy? I scowled at him. He seemed... defeated,
if that's the right word. Like he knew he couldn't escape.
I don't know how long the rape lasted. Eventually Assef straightened up, pulled
up his pants. I handed him his jacket and he lifted me up. Placed me down on
the ground. Hassan lay panting underneath us. I kicked him hard in the stomach.
"Tell anyone about this and you're dead." I warned. He knew well enough to heed
my warnings. We ran from the alley. I stumbled over my own feet. I could barely
concentrate.
We stopped running near to Wali's house. Wali and Kamal both left us, shaken.
We knew they would not tell. They were smart boys.
"Was that a nice surprise, sweetheart?" Assef asked. I flung my arms around
him. Words could not describe the pure joy I felt.
"T-thank you. I've waited so long for him to get what he deserved." I was now
sobbing from happiness. Assef stroked my hair. The love I felt for my brother
in this moment was unbelievably strong.
"I'm glad you're happy, kiddo."
I nodded through my tears. "I'm happy, Assef. I'm so very happy." I began to
hiccup. Giggles escaped my lips as I thought about Hassan. The pain he must be
feeling right now. All for a fucking kite. The little bitch is too loyal for
his own good.
Assef slung an arm around my shoulder. "Come on then," he chuckled. "Let's get
you a glass of water to try and stop those hiccups." He squeezed me tight.
Kissed my head. We walked home together, his arm around my shoulder. I could
barely speak I was so filled with happiness.
This had been the best day of my life. No doubt about it.
***** A Hero's Sacrifice *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria was thriled to watch Assef rape Hassan.
     Neither herself nor her brother showed any remorse for the cruel act
     they participated in, now, we find her about to spend the day with
     Adia and Masood...
"Fucking buttons! Tie, why won't you?" I swore. My hands fumbled with the tiny
buttons of my collar. Today, I wore a blue pinafore that reached my knees, with
a white shirt under it. "Goddamn it!" I moaned, stamping my feet in
frustration. Two full days had passed since the tournament. I still got that
feeling of euphoria in me whenever I thought about it. Hassan must have been
suffering big time right now. Well, it was his own fault. All he needed to do
was to give us that kite.
He could have walked away unharmed. Sure, his pride may have been hurt, but I'd
take my pride being hurt over getting raped any day, wouldn't you? He's just
too damn loyal. Little Hazara bitch. Assef's right. Amir doesn't give two
flying fucks about Hassan. He plays with him because he has to, not because he
wants to! Hassan gave up everything for a boy who doesn't even appreciate his
hard work. Still, I do love Amir. He and I would be perfect together, nay? I
believe we would. I can just imagine it. Us living in a beautiful home, our two
children playing happily at our feet as we sit on the couch and reminisce over
how we met. All those years ago.
I'd walk down the aisle in a beautiful dress, he'd kiss my henna painted hands
and tell me I was beautiful. We'd have a son and daughter. Of course, I would
have to name the son after my brother. My favorite person in the world. I'd
call my daughter Alainda. Such a pretty name. I'd teach her all the things
Assef's taught me. Like how to ambush people. How to get that perfect right
hook. She'd be Mommy's little trouble-maker.
Oh dear, I'm day-dreaming again, aren't I? I do that sometimes. It's a bad
habit of mine. Of course, I have a lot of bad habits, don't I? Finally, I
managed to tie my buttons. I straightened my pinafore and ran a comb through my
bedraggled hair. Today, unfortunately, I had another play-date with Adia. My
parents were relentless in getting us two to spend more time together. I would
rather be at home with my brother, but noooo! Stupid twats had to arrange a
"special day for two special girls," my father's own words.
Mama and Papa were both going away for the night. They didn't get much chance
to go on holidays or romantic breaks. I would spend the entire day with Adia,
and Assef would then collect me. He'd be looking after me for the night. As you
can probably tell, I was in no mood for any shit. If Adia or any of her
pathetic family fucked around with me tonight then they would pay the price for
it. And a very high price that would be.
I stole one last glance at myself in the mirror. "Come on now, Saria. Chin up,
there's a good girl. Remember, there's a knife in the drawer with your name on
it." I wasn't above bringing a weapon with me in my rucksack. As I said before,
I was not in a mood to be fucked with today. If there had to be another Zainab,
then so be it. "Saria, come on, babycakes!" Mama called impatiently. "We've got
to go!" 'Shut the fuck up, bitch!' I thought to myself.
"I'll be right down, Mama," I called politely. Shutting the door behind me, I
stepped into the hall. Mama and Papa waited for me at the bottom of the stairs.
I skipped down, feeling an utter fool. Still, what choice did I have?
"Are you all set?" Papa asked.
"One moment, Papa. I need something from the kitchen." I skipped off again,
humming to myself.
"Morning, kiddo," Assef smiled at me. I bounded over and kissed him on the
cheek.
"Morning. Sorry I can't talk." I went to where we kept our knives and pulled
out a huge bread knife. Perfect for stabbing someone should they get on my
nerves. I beamed at my reflection in the steel. "Now, that should smooth things
over if Adia tries to fuck with me." I placed the knife in my rucksack, grabbed
an apple. "I'll see you later, Assef!" I spoke in a sugary sweet voice, just
loud enough for my parents to hear.
Assef came over and embraced me tightly. "You be careful with that thing,
kiddo," he whispered in my ear.
"Oh, I will. It's not me you need to worry about." With that, I once again
skipped over to my parents.
"Is our little princess excited for her play-date?" Papa asked. I swear, it
felt like I was three and not twelve.
"Oh, yes, definitely Papa!" I bounced up and down in false excitement. "And I
bet you and Mama are excited for your romantic night!" I giggled.
"Why yes, we certainly are!" Mama cooed gently. She brushed my hair from my
face. "You need a haircut, my precious one. Else you won't be able to see. We
can't have you knocking into things." She teased.
"Oh, I can see just fine, Mama." I grabbed her hand. I wanted this day to be
over and done with.
"Someone's excited," Papa mused.
"I just can't wait to see Adia again!" I clambered into the backseat of the car
and did up my seat belt. "I've really missed playing with her!"
I held my rucksack tightly against my chest. The knife was still tucked safely
inside. I would be careful not to let anyone see it. I had to be. Papa hummed
quietly to himself as he drove the car the ten minutes to Adia's house.
As we pulled into the drive, I could see the little bitch watching me from the
window. I waved maliciously at her. Even from down here I could see the fear in
her eyes. Mama opened the car door for me.
"Thank you." I hopped out. Adia ran out the front door to greet me.
"Hello, Saria." She hung back, shy. Terrified of her "best friend." I, however,
had an audience to entertain.
"HELLO ADIA!" I screamed, rushing to gather her into my arms. I swung her
around, laughing. Grabbed her hands. Bounced. "It's so wonderful to see you
again!" I was really hamming it up now. "THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR HAVING ME!
I'd be bored stiff at home!" Not true at all. I would rather be home than here.
Adia gaped at me, shocked.
"Oh i it's no problem, Saria. We love having you," she stuttered. I continued
to bounce like a fucking idiot.
"You'll be tired out before noon, Adia," Papa noted. "Our girl's quite the
handful, aren't you, babes?" he teased. I danced around, laughing excitedly.
"We're going to have so much fun!" I giggled. Mama placed a hand on my back.
"Alright, baby. Go on inside. Assef will be over at around eight to pick you
up. Have fun."
"We will! We will!" I feigned elation as I watched them leave. Once they were
gone, I could allow my true self to emerge. I grabbed Adia, held her tight.
"I'm really not in the mood for any of your shit today, do you hear me?" I
whispered into her ear. "You fuck around just once Adia. Just once! I'll bet
you won't like what will happen." Her eyes travelled to her stomach. Where I
had burned her on my birthday only a few days earlier.
"Good girl. I see you remember. You're a smart kid for heeding my warnings.
Aren't you?"
I saw Masood watching us. "Remember who's in charge, you pathetic whore," I
whispered into her ear. She smiled forcefully and nodded once. I released her
and made my way over to Masood. His hideous features still unnerved me after
all this.
Still, I had a part to play. This world was my stage and I the star. My arms
wound themselves around his waist. "Hello, Masood!" I spoke in a light voice.
"Hello, darling. You're looking especially pretty today." He was full of
compliments.
I beamed. "Oh thank you, Masood!" I bowed my knees and extended the hem of my
dress. We walked inside. "Would you like me to take your rucksack for you,
Saria?" Masood asked. I shook my head. For obvious reasons I knew I could not
allow myself to part with it.
"I'll just hang on to it," I told him.
"Are you sure, kiddo?" Masood seemed concerned.
I nodded. I decided to speak a bit of German to him. "Ich bin mir sicher. Got
zu halten das Messer versteckt. Ihre Schwester besser aufpassen Rücken, wenn
sie nicht wollen, um am Ende ermordet. Und Assef ist der einzige, ich lasse
rufen Sie mich an, dass." This meant "I'm sure. Got to keep this knife hidden.
Your sister better watch her back if she doesn't want to end up murdered. And
Assef's the only one I let call me that."
Of course, he had no clue what I just threatened. "What was that, dear one?"
"I thanked you for having me, in German," I lied on the spot for the vile
teenager. "Assef'll be over to pick me up at eight." These words brought great
comfort to me. I wanted to be with my brother more than anyone.
Masood ruffled my hair. "We love having you to play, don't we, Adia?"
The little twit nodded. "Yeah you're my best friend ever!" she emphasized.
"I was thinking of taking you girls for a picnic by Ghargha Lake. We could
bring bread to feed the ducks. What do you girls say to that?" Masood seemed
quite excited.
"Oh now that sounds so wonderful!" I exclaimed. My mind was instantly filled
with thoughts of all the "accidents" that could befall Adia should she piss me
off. Or even Masood. Neither of them wanted to get on the wrong side of me
today. One slip up and it could all be over for them. If I needed to become a
two-time killer than so be it. Did I give two shits about these people?
"Well, why don't you two go up and play in Adia's room. Huh? Go on." He ushered
us off. On our way up, we were greeted by Faraya, Adia's mother. She and I had
never really spoke. I was determined to keep it that way. There was something
about that woman that made me despise her even more than the rest of her
family. I could never quite pinpoint what. She beamed at me as we passed by
her.
"Hello, little Saria." I bowed my knees once more. Truly, I felt a fucking fool
for behaving this way.
"Hello, Khala Faraya." As usual, I stroked her ego. "Thank you for having me in
your home."
"You're more than welcome, dear child. Adia's missed you so much. Haven't you,
daughter?"
"Yes. Yes I have!" the little bitch gushed. I placed a hand on her back. "We're
going to have so much fun today!" False delight on my part.
"Come on, let's go and play with your dolls!" All the things a child my age
would say. We walked into Adia's room. She shut the door behind her.
"Sit down," I ordered. Ordered being the operative word. She truly was a slave
to my whims. Adia instantly obeyed. "I see you're covered up quite well there."
I poked her stomach. She hissed in pain. "Aww, does it still hurt?" I poked her
again, laughing at my little "game." "Does it hurt?" I kept poking her. She
began to shrink in on herself, like a tortoise in its shell. "I asked you a
question, kunis! Does. it. Hurt!"
With this, I jabbed my nail deep into the wound I had given her. She let out a
terrified shriek. "Fuck bitch, be quiet!" I hissed, pressing a hand over her
mouth.
"Yes, it hurts! It really hurts!" she began to whimper. I reached into my bag
and pulled out the large knife. I teased her with it threateningly. "Look what
I've got!"
She shook her head. "No, Saria! I want to live!"
"Do you now?" She nodded. I leaned in close, one mittened hand on her mouth.
Her eyes searched mine. Finally she asked the question I know must have plagued
her for months.
"Did you kill Zainab?" It was easy enough to answer. I knew I had to be
competely honest with her.
"Yes." She began struggling underneath me. "Yes, Adia. I murdered her. I did
it." It felt good to tell her. This may have been reckless on my part, but I
was going to make sure she wouldn't tell on me. I placed the cool edge of the
knife against her pretty tanned throat. "Dear Adia," I began to tease her. "If
I could kill Zainab, what's stopping me from killing you?" She was terrified
out of her wits.
"No, no!" she begged pathetically.
I tossed the knife aside. "Now you know everything. Who I truly am. What I am
truly capable of. If you dare to tell anyone about what you know, I can swear
upon that girl's grave that you will find yourself in the same position she was
in. Only this time... I'll make your death last much longer!" Tears filled her
pretty black eyes. I bent down close to her ear. "Can you keep my secret?"
"Yes. I promise I'll never tell." I knew she wouldn't either. A person would
have to be and idiotto fuck around with Saria Ahmed. I felt relieved to have
Adia know the true extent of what I was capable of. To know that her friend was
truly a monster in the worst sense. I would not hesitate to do away with her if
she even had the thought of telling. She knew this too.
We were rudely interrupted by Masood. "Can I come in?" he asked.
"Of course, Masood. Sure, you're half way through the door already!" I teased
gently. This earned a chuckle from the teenager.
"Cheeky miss!" he mocked lightheartedly. "Well, I just came to tell you girls
that I'm thinking of leaving for the picnic now."
"Wonderful!" Adia exclaimed.
"Oh most certainly wonderful!" I chortled. I noticed the knife on the bed. I
quickly tossed one of Adia's dolls over it. 'Fucking hell, Saria. Be careful!'
I chastised myself. To my audience I gave a simple smile and nod.
"Right. Now let's go and feed those hungry ducks!" Adia lept to her feet.
"I'll be down in one moment," I informed the pair of siblings. They both nodded
and left me to my own devices. I replaced the knife back into the red rucksack
I had brought with me. Adia had better watch her back lest she end up with it
in her heart. My wicked side could not be controlled once unleashed. I gently
closed the door behind me. Yet again I wore my blue duffel coat. I slipped my
mittens into the pocket. Perfect for leaving untraceable weapons should the
need for one arise. I walked down the stairs and out the front door with Adia
and Masood.
Both seemed quite content in each other's company. In a way I guess Adia and I
are not so different. All around us people went about their daily business.
Nobody seemed any the wiser to the decrepit thoughts whirling around in my
brain. I skipped childishly at Adia's side. Hamming it up for her freak of a
brother. "I can't wait to feed the ducks!" I sang happily. What a fucking fool
I could be sometimes. The walk to the lake was quite tiring. Eventually, we
made it. Masood spread out a large picnic blanket. I sat down. Masood gestured
towards the lake.
"The currents quite strong," he noted. "We'll have to be extra careful." Adia
and I both nodded obediently. What, did he think I was; a fucking baby?
I lay on my back watching clouds. The day seemed to be drifting by without any
problems. Just as I hoped. I didn't want the hassle of any bullshit. It seemed
bullshit followed me around on a regular basis, and I was more than happy to
get away from it. Speaking of bullshit, I spotted one of Zainab's friends
watching me. I don't know this little brat's name. Don't care to either. She
still seemed quite somber over the death of her friend. As anyone would be. The
light had gone from her eyes. I leaned over and whispered in Adia's ear.
"That's one of Zainab's friends. Think she'd like a taste of my knife?" Of
course, I was only teasing. I had no intention of going after this little girl.
I could not do harm to her without raising suspicion to myself. Adia looked at
me, shaken. I smirked, gestured to my rucksack.
"I..." she began. I knew she was about to beg me to spare this girl so I cut
her off.
"Relax, I'm not stupid enough to do anything here bitch!" My voice was low,
ensuring we could not be heard. Masood was organizing the bread for the ducks.
I patted Adia's head condesendingly, like a little dog. That's what she was to
me. A dog. And I her master.
"Good girl. Behave now," I warned. She nodded obediently. Adia and I watched
the rapid waters together. It felt quite soothing, actually. As though the
water carried my worries with it.
I know it was probably reckless to tell Adia about Zainab. But she feared me
above all else. Would she tell on me? Would you, knowing the things I am
capable of? Nobody would be that dumb. Masood began chucking bread at the
hungry ducks. They quacked in unison. I put my hands over my mouth and giggled.
All very childish mannerisms. I had to make the most of my free time before I
went back to school. After all, then it would just be homework and study. "All
work no play" as the saying goes. With my perpetual smile on my face, I made my
way over to Masood. "I want to try!" I sounded a right idiot. He beamed at me.
"Go on then. My arm's starting to get sore from all this throwing." I nodded
politely and watched him sit down.
I leaned forward to feed the ducks. Of course had we been alone I'd have
happily waded in and killed one of them. How many pets did I have that have had
"accidents?" Were they really accidents. I kept leaning forward. In hindsight,
it was a stupid thing to do. Suddenly, I fell right into the river. "FUCK!" I
swore aloud, not caring who heard me. I was just about to climb out when the
current swept me away. I screamed. I was being carried along helplessly. Was
this the day I died? "Please no! I want to live!" I begged the heavens.
I felt like Zainab in this moment. Difference being, she deserved what she got,
and more! I screamed as I began to float further out to sea. I'd end up in
fucking Pakistan if I wasn't careful. "Save me!" I cried pathetically. I felt a
pair of strong arms wrap around me.
"Assef?" He was my first thought.
"No, honey, it's Masood." Adia's brother had jumped into the water to save me.
He held me tightly against him as we continued to float down the river.
"I want Assef!" was all I could pathetically whimper. "I WANT MY BROTHER!"
"I know, baby. I know. Adia's gone to get help. She'll find him." I nodded. We
continued to float. What other choice did we have? We had no choice. I began
whimpering like a little baby. Truly I feared for my life. Masood's arms formed
a protective cradle around me. "Saria," he said. "There's a rock over there. If
we can grab onto it then I think we'll be okay. Hold my hand tight." I nodded.
What else could I do? Masood began paddling towards the jagged rock. Then,
without warning, the current got stronger. We were ripped apart. I screamed as
I was sent tumbling under water.
Masood had cracked his head open on the rock. Blood trickled down his back.
Before I could say or do anything, however, a gush of water hit me right in my
face. I let out a silent scream. Clamped my hands over my mouth. I began to
float down to the river bed. Masood of course was already unconcious. He must
be dead, or close to it. I began sobbing. My vision was blurred. I couldn't
breath. This was the end for Saria Ahmed. Twelve pathtetic years of life. My
eyes rolled back into my head. Blackness.
Arms, pulling me up. Dragging me from the water. A child crying. People
shouting, calling for help. We had certainly attracted a crowd. I kept my eyes
shut. Could I open them? I wondered. I bordered on the edge of unconsciousness.
Paramedics thumped my chest. I lay flat underneath them. I literally could not
move.
"What happened?" I heard someone say. I recognized her as Zainab's friend. Even
lying here I had an itch to murder the little brat.
"She fell in the water!" Adia's voice was frantic. "MASOOD! NOOO! NOOOOO!" She
was screaming. He must be even worse than me. I could tune into the
conversations around me.
"Please! NO!" Someone was shouting. It must have been Masood's parents.
"Is the little girl dead?" An elderly woman questioned bluntly.
"Everybody get the fuck out of my way! That's my sister!" I could feel Assef's
hand on mine. His voice sounded choked up. "Saria? Come on now, kiddo don't do
this to me. I'm here. I'm right here. Honey please wake up." His voice made me
realize how much I wanted to live! As the paramedic worked on me once more, I
shot up, spluttering. I barely had time to register my surroundings before
Assef pulled me into his arms, his voice choked with tears. I was shocked;
Assef never cried. Never.
"Oh thank you God! Thank you!" He held me tight, kissed me repeatedly. "You
scared me half to death, Saria! Fucking hell, what happened?"
"I fell in the river," I said timidly.
"Oh I can see that. Don't ever do that to me again! Why the hell would you be
so damn stupid!"
I began to cry in earnest. "I'm sorry Assef. I'm sorry!" I moaned.
Assef hugged me to him. "Oh no, honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Shh,
you're not stupid. I just... you were... you didn't move and I thought..." He
kissed my forehead. "You have no idea how much you mean to me." I continued
hiccuping. "Shh now, kiddo. Assef's here. I've got you. I won't let anything
happen to you."
I twisted my head to look at Masood. They were still working on him. Adia was
kneeling by his side. Sobbing.
"MASOOD PLEASE! PLEASE BROTHER!" She cried over and over again. She looked at
me. Walked over to us. "He could be dying!" she wailed uncontrollably. She fell
to her knees and began pounding the ground with her fists. Assef seemed at a
loss for what to do.
"He's probably not going to die, Adia," he tried to soothe her. Anything to
stop this dumbass display.
"Yes he might!" She was truly in despondency right about now. Assef rolled his
eyes. Adia caught this display. "HE SAVED HER LIFE!" she roared angrily. "HE
SAVED YOUR SISTER'S LIFE! YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING GRATEFUL!" She gave Assef a
forceful shove. We both almost over balanced.
Assef hissed. "You are lucky, Adia, that my baby sister means more to me than
taking revenge on you. Otherwise you'd be in the same position as your fag of a
brother. You do that again, though, and I swear on everything I have that
you'll regret it. We clear?" I watched her scurry off. Kneel by her brother
once more.
"How long was I out for?" I asked in a small voice.
"About two minutes more than my nerves can handle," Assef informed me.
"Little girl?" It was one of the paramedics.
"Yes?" I spoke quietly.
"We need you to come to the hospital with us."
"Why?" Assef asked, worried. "She's fine! There's nothingwrong with her!" He
held me tighter, as if terrified the man would grab me away. It was quite funny
to see a rapist behave like such a mother hen with me.
"Just some routine tests," the paramedic put his hand on my shoulder. He guided
me into a sitting position and helped me to stand.
I nodded. "I understand."
"Your parents have been called." It was then I noticed Faraya and Javid with
Masood. Both sobbing. He was being loaded into a stretcher. "Can you walk?" the
paramedic asked.
I nodded. "I'll manage." I stumbled towards the ambulance. We piled in. Adia's
sobs grew louder and louder. They drowned out even the siren.
"ALLAH, SAVE OUR SON!" screamed Faraya.
We sat in the hospital waiting room. I perched right on Assef's knee. I rested
my head against his chest. "You need to stop getting into such trouble, Miss
Ahmed." Instantly I recognized the nurse from my beating from Zainab. Mama and
Papa raced through the doors. Gathered me into their arms and kissed my face
repeatedly.
"Oh God! Oh Saria!" Both were crying. Like I gave two shits. I reached for
Assef again. He was the only one I wanted. He cradled me on his lap. I sobbed.
Nobody could do anything to soothe me. I thought about Masood. He had risked
his own life for me. One good deed does not out do the bad in my eyes however
and I was still feeling annoyed with him for being such a tit.
We stayed in the hospital until all hours. Eventually,we were discharged.
"Nothing wrong with you, Miss Ahmed." The friendly nurse seemed content.
"Plenty of rest. That's all you need."
"I think a nice hot bath and some hot cocoa would be nice, don't you?" Mama
quipped. "That would hit the spot right about now, huh, princess?" I lay my
head against Assef's chest. He kissed my hair.
"Love you," I spoke childishly.
"I love you too," he replied.
I heard doctors speak about Masood. Words like "hanging in there" and "not
going to survive the night" ruminated through the air. Adia was still sobbing.
Once again I had come out the victor.
Would Masood live or die? Like I gave a fuck! His family may soon be going to
his funeral. 
Only time would tell. Time was all they had.
***** Loss and Change *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria almost drowned in Gharga Lake but Masood
     was quick to jump into the lake to save her. She showed no guilt when
     she learned that he may die due to his injuries. We continue with the
     next day as her family waits vigil in the hospital..
"Goddamn it, I hate hospitals!" I thought to myself. I swung my legs back and
forth childishly. The collar of my cream dress itched against my neck. I hated
the fucking thing but it was the only item of clothing I could find on such
short notice. I watched the busy doctors and nurses pass by, none of them
paying us any mind. The old clock on the wall behind me ticked on and on.
Getting up on my knees, I craned my neck to look up at it. 9:30 am.
How long would it fucking take? "Sit down, Saria," Papa demanded sternly. I had
to fight to stop myself from rolling my eyes.
"Sorry, Papa. I just wanted to know what the time was," I told him somberly.
From my side, I heard Mama sniffling loudly. Dumb bimbo.
Assef drummed his fingers against the edge of the chair impatiently. Doctors
ran past us with another stretcher, their faces awash with sweat. Obviously,
whoever this was, they were in serious danger. Not that I truly gave a fuck.
You can probably guess the reason why my family and myself were keeping vigil
here. Masood. Doctors were still working on him. He had ingested a lot of
water, and on top of that, they feared he may have brain damage from the bump
to his cranium.
I honestly didn't care whether he lived or died. What was his life worth to me?
Sure, he may have saved my life, but did that honestly matter? Was I supposed
to respect the little tit all because he had decided to be a hero. That's the
right word, isn't it? Decided. It's not my fault he's in here! He didn't have
to jump into the water after me. Stupid idiot. If he dies then the blame should
be placed solely on his shoulders. Adia sat beside me, sniffling. Her parents
were badgering another doctor for information. Why I had to be here at all was
beyond me. It's not like I could do anything to help.
I wasn't a fucking doctor, although, some might say I was quite handy with a
knife, though, not in the way that people would want. I very nearly smiled at
this thought, but then remembered where I was and why I was here. There was a
role for me to undertake, and I had to fulfill it to the best of my ability.
Now, I may not have given two shits about Masood, but I at least had to feign
concern. Reaching out, I placed a hand atop Adia's knee. She stiffened but
continued to whimper.
"He'll be okay," I said reassuringly. "I promise." A very childish assumption
on my part, but that is what I was being perceived as. A child. Poor innocent
Saria, so concerned with the suffering of her "best friend." If only they knew.
If only they fucking knew! Do I need to mention all the things I've already
done to Adia? Lying was a piece of cake for me!
Adia wiped her nose on the back of her hand, continuing to cry. She was
drowning out the other sounds in the hospital. I rubbed her leg, trying to
soothe her. Anything to make her shut up! "You mustn't cry," I chastised her
gently. "He'll be fine. You'll see. Doctors will make him good as new." She
looked at me. Cocked her head to the side.
"Are you sure, Saria?" she asked timidly. Ironically, in this moment, I was all
she had. Her tormentor was her one source of comfort.
I nodded. "Hey, aren't you the one who said your brother is a survivor?" I
quipped, remembering my first eventful meeting with Adia.
She nodded. "I sure hope that's true," she replied. I don't give a shit either
way! I thought to myself. Noticing my parents ogling me as per usual, I leaned
over and gave the somber ten-year-old a kiss on the cheek.
She seemed surprised by my nurturing actions but didn't say anything against
me. Wise move on her part. I continued to hold her hand tightly, whispering
soothing words every so often. Anyone watching would have believed I truly
cared for the girl. HA! Nothing could be farther from the truth. When I think
on it now, I was quite lucky that I myself was not more seriously injured. What
if it had been me that cracked my skull open on that rock? What if I was the
one lying in that room fighting for my life! Such depressing what-ifs did not
even bear thinking about! I glanced about the room.
The friendly nurse from my previous stint in hospital smiled sadly at me. I
returned the gesture. Assef glanced over at me. Our eyes locked. We both gave
each other that knowing look. The look that said we both knew how hard the
other was fighting to stop from bursting out laughing. Pain was our pleasure!
The very idea that Masood was possibly going to die brought great joy to both
of us! Yes, it may be cruel, but this is the boy who raped a child. The girl
who watched and laughed. When did morals ever matter to Assef and I? Javid and
Faraya continued to badger the doctors.
"Why has there been no news?" I could hear Javid complain loudly to the poor
nurse. "It's been hours! We just want to know HOW OUR SON IS! IS HE ALIVE!" he
asked the heavens. "PLEASE, GOD, PLEASE TELL ME THAT HE IS ALIVE! PLEASE TELL
ME!" he ranted. Faraya placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. The nurse
looked at a loss for words. I would certainly hate to be in her position right
now.
"We are doing all we can," she rattled off. That's doctor speak for "please
shut the fuck up and go away." I watched the scene with avid interest.
"BUT ARE YOU DOING ENOUGH?" Javid roared. It was entertaining to watch such a
gentle man become so enraged. "I WANT HIM TO GET THE BEST CARE! DO YOU HEAR ME!
PLEASE SAVE MY SON!" He broke down sobbing. He was truly on a rollercoaster of
emotions.
"Surely they must have finished working on him by now," Faraya spoke in a light
voice.
The nurse shook her head. "We don't know the full extent of the damage caused
when he fell into the water. That was..." She glanced at Adia. "A really nasty
bump he took when he hit his head." She continued to explain the situation in
the simplest terms she could find.
Now was not the time for hospital jargon. Their sadness was etched on their
faces. What I wouldn't give to spit on the floor in disgust right about now.
Mama placed a hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you and your brother go for a
quick walk?" she asked. "It won't do any good for all of us to be stuck here.
Go on. Just a quick little walk around the hospital. That should be okay, yes?"
she asked the nurse.
The nurse nodded. "As long as the child is looked after," she commanded.
"She'll be with her brother," Mama told her. "He's sixteen." Assef flashed the
nurse one of his most charming smiles.
He got up and took my hand. "Alright then, kiddo. Let's go."
"Kay." I nodded sadly. We left them all to worry and fret. What good were we in
such a situation? We did more harm to families such as Adia's than we did good!
I wanted to laugh at Javid and Faraya's anguish so badly, but I had to keep
playing the role of innocent Saria. Wiping my nose, (crocodile tears of course)
I gave a small smile up at my brother. He returned the gesture.
"What do you think, Saria?" he asked. "Will we be going to a funeral soon? Hey,
you might even get a new dress!" he quipped lightly. I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't know," I said innocently. "Maybe my promise to Adia will come true.
Maybe he'll live." I sighed deeply; time to tell my brother what I had done. We
kept no secrets from one another. "I told her about Zainab," I said quietly. "I
told Adia. Told her everything."
Assef regarded me sternly. "You told her about the murder?" He ran his hand
through his hair and sighed loudly. I felt like a child who had been caught
misbehaving by their parents.
"I'll make sure she doesn't tell though!" I said hurriedly. "I threatened her
with the same, I promise!" I was truly frightened. I hated having my brother
mad at me. I didn't even dare to ask that question.
"You need to use your brain, Saria!" Assef scolded loudly. "What if Adia does
decide to tell? What about that? Did you even think about that? Do you think
about these things at all?" He had begun to raise his voice. I backed into a
corner as my brother advanced on me, his eyes blazing with rage. I hated
knowing I was the cause of his rage.
"If she tells then you will be seven kinds of fucked! Fuck, you could go down
for this, you get that? We both could! Did that even cross your mind? Do the
consequences of your idiocy even go through your thickhead. Be careful, you
fucking fool!" he snapped at me.
Covering my hands with my mouth, I sank down onto a nearby chair. Assef's words
struck a strong chord with me. Why had I told Adia? What the fuck was wrong
with me? I had just let my ginormous ego get the better of me! Now my entire
future was hanging on a thread. Assef and I could both get sent down for so
long! A murderer and her accomplice. We could get life imprisonment, or worse,
be executed. I pulled on my hair, letting out a loud wail of frustration.
"STUPID GIRL! YOU STUPID GIRL!" I wailed loudly. My sobs escalated as I buried
my face in my hands. I rocked back and forth, screaming loudly. "I'M SUCH A
FUCKING IDIOT! A FUCKING IDIOT! I'M SOOOOO SORRY!" I wailed.
Nurses passed and stared at me. "Is the little girl okay?" one asked,
concerned.
"She's fine. We're here with one of her friends. He's not very well. She's such
a sensitive little thing, keeps blaming herself." Assef knelt down in front of
me. The nurse seemed satisfied with his explanation and left. Assef pulled my
hands away from my face and surveyed me sadly. I continued to wail.
"Oh, kiddo," he breathed. I flung my arms around his neck. He picked me up and
sat me on his lap.
"I'm so sorry, Assef," I cried loudly. "I'm such a fucking fool." All my
sorrows were being let out in these wails. Assef shushed me gently. I pulled
back from him. "I won't let you go down!" I swore to my brother. "I'll take the
blame. All of it! I'll s say you weren't' even there! I'll take any punishment
they give, even a public stoning. Anything as long as you stay safe!"
Assef held me against him. "Don't you think like that!" he whispered into my
ear. "Don't you dare think like that!" I continued to cry. "God, kiddo. I'm
sorry. I didn't mean that. I just worry so much about you. You listen to me
now, Saria. Listen good. Nobody is going to hurt you! No-one is taking my
sister away! Pigs will fly before I let that happen!"
"But..." I whimpered.
Assef shushed me. "You can hold your own against Adia, I know that. Hell, I've
seen how you control her. She knows what you're capable of!" Assef kissed my
head gently. "You're incredibly smart, my dear. Together we can find a way
through this!" He continued to soothe my cries. My little body shook with every
single sob.
"I'm going to plant the knife on Jamil." I began speaking German to my brother.
With our mother hailing from Berlin, it was only natural that her children
learn the language. "T-that way, if anyone comes calling, we'll be in the
clear."
Assef nodded. "Smart plan. Everybody hates that old man. He always has police
calling. I'll bet he's even doing drugs!"
"What do you mean?" I asked, feigning innocence.
Assef laughed. Rested his head against mine. "We'll do it today. After lunch. I
promise." I pulled back from him and gave a loud sniff. "I never meant to
frighten you Saria, and I'm so sorry I did. Wipe your tears now, sister. We
need to get back." I got up from his lap. He wrapped his arm around my
shoulder, kissed my cheek. "Come on."
We began to trudge back to our parents. My cheeks were stained with tears. I
didn't bother to wipe them. Makes sense that a child as sensitive as myself
would be crying in such a situation as this. As we approached, I could see a
doctor talking to Masood's parents. I wondered what news they were bearing. My
question was soon answered when Faraya flopped down onto the floor and let out
an animalistic scream.
"NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO!" she wailed, hunched down on the floor. Her sobs echoed
through the hospital. I let go of Assef's hand and ran to my mother. I had to
keep playing the part.
"Mama, why is Khala Faraya so sad?" I asked innocently.
"WHY, GOD WHYYYYYYY!" Faraya cried loudly.
"Masood didn't make it, honey." Mama said in that tone of voice one uses when
speaking to a small child. She caught me and Assef up in an awkward embrace. We
were her children, and we were safe. Alive. I could hear her thank God in
German. Adia flung herself at her father.
"BABA-JAN, PLEASE! TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE!" She suddenly rounded on me. "YOU!
YOUU!" she roared. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" She let out an animalistic scream
as she lunged at me, slamming my head into the wall. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
YOUR FAULT! YOU KILLED HIM! THAT SHOULD BE YOU IN THERE! YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!
YOU! NOT MASOOD, YOUUUU!" she moaned.
"Adia, stop!STOP!" I cried. She continued to slap the shit out of me. I raised
my hands to my face in attempt to defend myself? What the fuck had gotten into
my little bitch? How dare she put her hands on me? How dare she attack me?
"ADIA!" Javid roared. "YOU STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"
Assef grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and pulled her off me. He kept a
tight grip on her shoulder. "I'll let you off this once because you're
grieving. You lay a hand on Saria again though, and I won't be so lenient." I
could hear him threaten. He released her. She stumbled away from me, collapsing
in on herself.
"Come here, my child," Javid cooed gently, extending a hand to her. She
immediately obeyed. The family continued to grieve. Javid's cries of anguish
were quite soothing to me.
Papa opened his mouth to say something but stopped. Words could not bring
Masood back. Nothing we could say or do would ease their pain. The collective
agony this family were feeling could not be soothed. I bit back a smirk. What
had transpired for them was truly a tragedy in the worst sense. "OUR SON! OUR
ONLY SON!" Javid wailed, throwing his head back. His eyes burned with fury,
like he was cursing the divine being lurking in the sky for having taken Masood
from him. Tears streamed down his red face. I too began crying. I was such a
sensitive little girl, as I wrote before.
At least, that is how I must be perceived. I flung my arms around Assef's
waist. He squatted down and embraced me. I rested my head on his shoulder as I
let out my sorrows. Tears dripped down my face. He rubbed my back comfortingly.
All a show for these fools! I was a victim here as well. Poor little Saria.
What a terrible tragedy. That's how I knew they would see it. Mama and Papa
were both teary-eyed from the dreadful news as well. All of us bore the brunt
of Masood's accident. No words could adequately describe the complex range of
emotions we all felt right now.
I pulled away from Assef and looked at him sadly. "Assef, can the doctors make
Masood better again?" I asked innocently. As I said this, Faraya covered her
mouth and let out a wail of pain and sorrow.
Assef shook his head. Sniffed. We both should get Oscars for our acting
ability. "No, my dear. They can't."
"But can't the doctors give him medicine?" I asked with all the innocence of a
child.
"Well, that's just it, Saria. Sometimes doctors can't make people better.
Sometimes they... well, sometimes... sometimes people are too sick, and they
can't give them any medicine because it wouldn't work. Sometimes..." Assef
sighed. "Sometimes people just die.
Even people as young as Masood. There's nothing we can do about it and it isn't
anybody's fault. Do you understand this?"
I nodded. "It's just so sad," I lamented. Faraya got up off her knees and
walked over to me. Her face was stained with tears, her eyes red and puffy. She
got down on her knees and embraced me tightly, sobbing onto my shoulder. Assef
straightened up and watched us, amused.
"You poor child!" The overly-emotional woman cried. "You've suffered too,
haven't you, my darling? All of us have!" she exclaimed. "What happened today
was not your fault, Saria. Nobody is at fault. You must listen to your brother.
They did what they could to save Masood, but nothing could be done!" She began
to cry again in earnest.
"I understand, Khala Faraya," I sniffed. What a hilarious sight. Faraya
continued to drown her sorrows onto my shoulder. I opened my mouth and let out
a little moan of anguish. "I'm real sad Masood got hurt!" I said. What else
could I say? My words were of no comfort to her. She had lost her child. The
angelic Saria now had to comfort this sobbing woman.
"It's so sad!" I cried. They say denial is the first sign of grief. This was
certainly true for Adia. She had fallen to her knees and was pounding the
white-tiled floor, much the same as she had done yesterday. This was certainly
a humorous sight for me.
"NOOOOO! IT'S NOT TRUEEE!" she roared. She was going to start hyperventilating
if she wasn't careful. "MASOOD! MASOOOOOOOD! Please, GOD! Bring him back to me!
Please save him!" She slammed her head onto the ground, her fists clenched. I
had to fight to stop from laughing.
"Stop that now, my daughter," Javid said kindly, reaching out a hand to her. He
grabbed her by the shoulders. She turned around and slammed into him with such
force that they both overbalanced and toppled to the floor. 'All of you stop
over-reacting!' I thought. I had to bit down hard on my lip to stop myself from
screaming this out.
"I WANT MASOOD!" Adia wailed. "IT CAN'T BE HAPPENING! I WON'T BELIEVE THIS IS
HAPPENING! I SAW HIM YESTERDAY, AND HE WAS FINE! FIIIIIIIIIINE! I CAN'T BELIEVE
HE'S DEAD! I WON'T BELIEVE IT!" She shook her head. "He's not dead." It came
out as a mere whisper.
"Yes he is," Javid told her. I doubted he believed the news either. "He died in
his sleep."
He held his youngest child. His only child now. "They tried to save him, lord
knows they tried, but nothing could be done." The pain that these people must
have felt was nothing short of euphoric for me. This was my drug. All the same,
though, I wanted to go home! Let's be frank for one moment, who gives a fuck
that Masood died? People die allthe time.I am hungry, for fuck sake. Masood was
just trash and God decided to throw him away. That is how I honestly viewed the
situation. I had to remember though to stay in character. One slip up could be
detrimental for me. I glanced at Adia as she sobbed in her father's arms.
Of course, she knew everything about me. She knew how dark and decrepit I
really was. I wondered what was going through her mind when I had told her
about Zainab. Did she dream about it? I wondered. Certainly today I had been
kinder to her than ever before. I had behaved almost like a sort of " big
sister" to the girl. Now more than ever she would need a friend. A guider. A
protector. She would need her sweet Saria to be there for her. Her sorrow was
something I was going to use to my advantage! She would be ten times easier to
manipulate now. She definetly would experience some sort of post traumatic
stress disorder, at least
I hoped so! She continued to sob. Her cries were loud enough to wake the dead.
Obviously they didn't. Faraya and Javid tried desperately to soothe their
daughter. As the adults, it was their job to comfort her! Mama too was crying
for this poor family. Stupid bitch was always too sensitive. I placed my tiny
hand in hers. Now more than ever she would be thankful for her two healthy
children. Her two living children. I leaned against her legs, rubbing my hands
with my eyes. I was really hamming up the child act today. As I've written in
previous journals, I can pass for eight or nine, if I want to. I'm very small
for my age.
"Mama," I muttered sadly. "I don't like when people die."
"I know, Saria, I don't like it either," she replied, stroking my hair. "Nobody
does." It seems death followed me around lately. Zainab. Now Masood. Masood
should count himself lucky he didn't have the image of me stabbing him as his
last image on this Earth.
"I'd think we'd better get off home." Papa said, finally. I breathed a sigh of
relief. "You have our deepest condolonces, all of you." Adia nodded, and he
shook her little hand.
"T-thank you for coming all the way out here, Mahmood," Javid said. He wiped
his eyes. "You make sure to keep in touch, Saria, won't you?" he asked me.
"Adi's going to need a friend like you." Assef bit down hard on his lip. We
left the grieving family. Masood's death was all that we could talk about in
the car.
"That poor boy," Mama cried, wiping her nose on an old lace handkerchief. "Only
thirteen years old. So young. Imagine, Assef, that's three years younger than
only one year older than our Saria." I kept my eyes down. I'd had quite enough
of listening about Masood. He's dead. I had to focus on the task at hand,
getting rid of that fucking knife.
It was only a matter of time before I'd be found out, and I wanted to make sure
that never happened. "Mama, what time is it?" I asked from the back seat. She
peered down at her watch. The watch Papa gave her on their last wedding
anniversary.
"It's half past one, baby girl," she replied. "Why?"
"No reason," I replied sweetly. I looked over at Assef pointedly. He knew me
well enough to determine the meaning of my look.
"Mother, Father, is it okay if I take Saria out for a quick walk. Just to clear
both our heads." Papa smiled at his son from the rearview mirror.
"Of course, Assef. I'd say you both need some fresh air. Take as long as you
want."
"I need to get out," I said. "If I'm stuck at home, I'll get sad from thinking
about Masood." I made my voice break as I said this. We eventually arrived
home.
"Go get your coat, kiddo," Assef said. I nodded and walked forlornly up the
stairs. 'Righto, time to get rid of this fucking knife,' I thought,
I thought to myself as I bent down and retrieved the bag from under the
floorboards. I made sure to be wearing gloves before I touched the blade.
Pocketing it in my blue duffle coat, I walked back down the stairs and took my
big brother's hand.
"You two be safe," Mama called as we exited the house.
"Right, where does this kunis live?" Assef asked.
"Only five minutes away from us," I replied. Framing Jamil would be a doddle.
And did I care if he went to jail? Did I heck? He was Hazara. They deserve
everything they get, and then some. We were alone, so I began skipping down the
road.
"MASOOD IS DEAD!" I cheered loudly in joy. "Yay! Yay!" Assef laughed at me.
"Now that's not a nice thing to say," he scolded mock-sternly. I turned back to
face him.
"Sagt der Junge, der gerade vergewaltigt jemand vor drei Tagen," I giggled.
'Says the boy who just raped someone three days ago.'
"Me? Du bist derjenige, der fast nass selbst zu beobachten," Assef replied.
'Me? You're the one who almost wet herself watching.' We both grinned at each
other. Eventually, we reached Jamil's old hut. The elderly man was nowhere to
be seen. I scanned the area cautiously. Nothing.
"I'm going in," I told Assef. "You stay out here and keep a watch for him."
He nodded. "Of course, be careful." I nodded and walked tentatively into the
hut. My heart pounded in my chest. If I was caught here it could be all over
for me. I tiptoed around silently.
I noticed a half open drawer. "Right. Let's get rid of this thing," I whispered
under my breath. I opened the drawer up and placed the knife in under some old
bed sheets. "Let's see how this fucker likes jail." Smirking, I closed the
drawer to exactly where it had been moments before. Footsteps. I hurriedly
crawled under the bed, making sure to be as silent as absolutely possible.
Jamil walked back inside, carrying some washing. He walked over to the drawer,
pulled it open. He began fiddling with the sheets, when his hand brushed
against the handle of the knife. He carried on, not noticing. I almost shrieked
in joy. 'Brilliant, now his finger prints will be on it!' I thought to myself.
I suddenly realized how thoroughly fucked I was. I held my breath, praying that
Jamil would not see me. After a few more minutes, he walked outside again. Once
I was certain that his back was turned I crawled out from under the bed and
made a hasty exit. Assef and I hid in some bushes and watched for a few
moments.
As luck would have it, and it seemed luck was truly on my side these past few
days, a mere five minutes after I had planted the knife, who showed up, but
Abdal. The police man who had questioned me about Zainab's murder. He walked up
to the Hazara man. "I need to speak to you," he said.
"What about?" Jamil asked.
Abdal held out a bag. "This was found near Zainab Qualmari's body." I covered
my hands with my mouth. Oh, fucking brilliant! What a day! "You and I both know
you've had trouble with drugs before. That makes you our prime suspect. I'm
going to search your premisis," he informed the old man.
"HEY! WAIT, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Jamil certainly had a mouth on him for a
Hazara.
Abdal half-glared at him suspiciously. "Hiding something, are we? Well let's
see then." It only took moments for him to find the bloody knife. "Hmm," He
held it to the light. "Drugs found by her body, and the knife on your person?
It's a bit coincidental, isn't it?" He had no fucking idea how "coincidental"
it was.
"I never hurt that little girl!" Jamil screamed. "I'M INNOCENT!" he tried to
plead with them as he was led away.
"I bet that this knife will have your fingerprints all over it." Not wrong
there. "What kind of sick animal would murder a little girl?" He spat at Jamil.
"You're a monster. Do you hear? AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!" He roared, back handing
Jamil clean across the face. Jamil's head reeled with the force of the blow.
Yet, he still continued to plead innocence to the bitter end. After they had
gone, Assef and I began making our way back home.
"Well now, kiddo, wouldn't you say that was a job well done on our part?" Assef
asked.
I grinned up at him. "A job very very well done," I replied. I now knew that I
could kill and get away with it. Some children "get away with murder..." I
literally have..
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     Chapter 13 saw the death of Masood and was delighted to find this
     meant she could control Adia even more. Now the winter holidays have
     ended and she is now going back to school but it won't be long before
     she makes a new foe...
Tears. An abundance of them surround me. I am surrounded by people, and yet,
nobody makes a sound. A few short words are spoken, a prayer of some sort. I do
not know. I do not bother myself with the trivialities of religion, of a god
who will one day damn me. There is silence. A poignant silence in which we are
to reflect. Winter has passed, the time of laughter and playing, a time spent
with my brother, scoping out potential victims to our unyielding cruelty that
must pass. My blue dress, the same one I wore during Adia's burning, flutters
in the wind. Even though winter is over, the cold air still bites at me and I
am grateful to my mother for insisting that I wear gloves.
All around me, there is a sense of loss. Nobody says a word, for the fleeting
glances we give each other are enough to convey everything we are feeling. My
eyes remain firmly on the ground, my feet kicking up dust in sheer boredom.
Papa's hand is on Javid's shoulder, a gesture of comfort. 'What good will it
do?' I wonder, as I glance at them for a brief moment. What good will a mere
physical gesture of kindness do? Faraya is silent, tears pooling in her eyes.
Her dress, like mine, moves with the wind.
She holds one hand upon the skirt, to keep it from flying up and exposing her,
if you get my drift. Another few words are spoken, this time an old prayer I
recognize from my childhood. Some elderly man I do not know, nor do I care to,
sings the same Farsi song that Mama used to get Assef and I to sleep when we
were babies. Apparently it's the song of Masood's childhood too. Such a
poignant sense of loss hangs onto us, ensnaring each of us with its firm, yet
gentle grip. The old man continues to sing, his voice the only sound, his words
an expressing of grief, of pain.
Assef, who stands behind me, leans down and whispers in my ear. "He should
stick with the day job, don't you think?" he asks jokingly. I turn to him and
give a crooked smile. Biting down hard on my lip, thus begins my internal
struggle to stop myself from laughing out loud. I feel no loss, no sense of
grief, no pain. This scene, this tragic loss of a life so young, is pleasurable
to me. Something I find joy in. Something I thrive on. The only thing better
than Masood's death would be if I had murdered him myself. Alas, such a happy
occasion may well one day come to pass when his little sister.
A girl who I now hold in my arms, her fragile body wracked with grief, will
kneel before me and beg for a mercy that is not in my nature to give. There
will come a time, when, as all things do, Adia will have run her course. There
will be, then, no need for her to live. What purpose is she, other than a slave
to a power much greater than her? She means nothing to me. One day, I will get
sick of her and then, I may have to kill her. She knows too much. Be my friend
or die. These are her only options. This whole world, and everybody in it, I
could throw away, burn, stab, decapitate, torture. All without a single feeling
of remorse. Children, mothers, fathers, sisters, uncles, aunts.
Frail elderly ladies who give me money and tell me how pretty I am. Each of
them could be murdered without a single thought. I could burn the whole world
alive and feel nothing as they scream. Assef was, is, and always will remain
the one exception to this rule. Could I hurt him knowingly? It's like asking
could an elephant do ballet. Completely impossible. My arms wind themselves
around his waist, and I bury my face in the fabric of his shirt. He looks down
at me, surprised. "What's brought this on, kiddo?" he asks. I smile sadly.
"Just thinking about how much I love you," I reply.
"Love you too, kiddo. Love you too."
Adia sniffs, encaged in my iron grip. "Shh now, you mustn't cry. Masood
wouldn't want us to be sad, would he? He'd want us to be happy. He was always
so happy when I was with him. He'd be real sad if he was here now," I say
aloud. Faraya looks at me, and a ghostly smile appears on her face.
"You're right Saria. Masood would want us to be happy." Saying is one thing
though, doing is another, and her bloodshot eyes tell me she won't be happy for
a long while, if ever again. A lone leaf falls from a tree, flutters in the
wind. Silence once more, as we reflect on the life lost. Masood. Brother, hero,
friend. Now destined to become a rotting corpse in the ground. Days will turn
to months, months to years. Flesh to bone, bone to dust. It's the cycle of
death that Masood must now undertake.
Remorse is not something I feel. One could argue that this is my fault, that it
was my foolishness in that lake that caused his death, that if I had only been
cautious, had not leaned in so far, he would have lived. I argue that it was
his choice to jump in after me. So what if he's dead? He's not Assef.
"Saria! Saria, darling, wake up!" Groaning, I opened my eyes. Mama sat on the
edge of the bed, one hand stroking my hair, that usual stupid grin on her face.
Bitch woke me up from what was quite a pleasant dream.
Eyes still smeary with sleep, I forced myself to give her one of my charming
smiles. "Good morning, Mama, what time is it?" I asked.
"It's half past six, my dear. Get up now because Papa needs to leave here by
quarter to eight, okay?"
"Papa working?" I asked, sitting up groggily.
Mama nodded. "Yes, Saria. He's going to drop you off first and then he'll take
Assef. But you really need to hurry up. You had a bath last night, didn't you?"
"Yes, Mama."
"Well, that's one less thing to do. Come on, breakfast will be waiting for you
on the table. Good girl." She smiled again and left my room. Not wanting to
delay the inevitable, I threw off my warm covers and placed my bare feet down
on the floor.
"Fuck! Cold!" I swore under my breath. The room was shrouded in darkness. I
stumbled around blindly until I found the light switch. The dreaded return to
school that every child (even sociopathic ones) hates, had finally arrived. No
more fun winters, no more kite tournaments. Now I found myself faced with hours
of homework, study and tests. Groaning, I padded over to my wardrobe and pulled
out the plaid dress I always wore for school.
I'd had it since I was eight and it still fit me. Just goes to show how fucking
tiny I am. I dressed quickly, not wanting to put up with the scolding I would
get if I were late. I took out my book bag which I had already packed full of
my books from the last night.
There were a million and one things I wanted to do now rather than go to
school. I brushed my hair and tied it into two ribboned pigtails. The china
doll on my desk stared tauntingly at me. I reached out and picked her up. She
had the same old fashioned dress sense that I had. I held her to my cheek as I
walked over to the mirror. We both looked so alike, the doll and me. Both so
innocent.
"Aren't we pretty?" I asked her. She stared up at me, her cold black eyes
unfeeling. A mirror to my very soul. "You're so lucky you won't have to go
through any of the shit I face today." I informed her truthfully. As expected,
she had no answer for me. "Stupid fucking doll," I muttered, tossing her back
onto the bed. I wished with all my heart that I could lie down there with her.
I could scarcely believe that winter had come to an end already. How I longed
to be back in that alleyway watching my brother ravage Hassan. That had
undoubtedly been the highlight of the entire season for me. Some Kabuli
children would say that the kite tournament is the highlight of winter. I say
watching someone be raped is mine.
With a heavy heart I left my bedroom, clicking the door shut behind me. That
was the way I liked it. Keeping the darkness locked within. I took one final
glance at myself in the hall mirror and retreated downstairs. Remembering to
always keep that perpetual smile upon my face, I pushed open the kitchen door,
where Mama had already poured a cup of hot black tea with sugar waiting for me.
I smiled politely and bowed my knees.
"Tashakor, Mama," I said.
"You're welcome, Saria jan." She gave me her usual simpering smile.
"Enjoy," she half-ordered as she bustled off to prepare herself for the day
ahead. Assef was already seated, finishing his breakfast. We both locked eyes
and gave each other that knowing look. It's amazing how some people can be so
close that they don't even have to speak to know what the other feels inside.
My face must have shown my disdain because Assef came over and wrapped his arms
around me, kissing my cheek.
"School?" he asked.
I nodded. "I was hoping they'd let us off, what with Masood's death and all," I
mused, resting my head on his chest. "I dreamt about the funeral last night,
you know? That was a good day."
"Better than the kite tournament?"
"Now, you know there's nothing that tops that." I dissolved into giggles.
"What's so funny?" Assef asked teasingly.
"Oh, nothing. Just the realization that I'm in the arms of a rapist right now.
It's funny." I smiled up at him.
"You're a strange girl, you know that?"
"That's why you love me. Because I'm just like you." I hopped down from his lap
and resumed my original seat. "I don't want to go to school today. I'm… I'm
scared." Finally I could let my emotions out.
"Of what, kiddo?" Assef asked, immediately becoming concerned for me. I bit
down on my lip.
"The others don't like me," I admitted. "I know this, and I'm okay with that.
Truly. I mean, I don't want them as my friends." I sighed deeply. Trying to
find the right words.
"You know how angry I get sometimes." Assef nodded. I continued, "I mean,
you've seen what I did to Zainab. I'm scared I'll lose control, and I won't
have you around to calm me down." I said. Assef sat me on his lap and I rested
my head against his chest.
"Just take it one moment at a time," he advised. "Don't let them get to you. I
know how you get, dear." He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Trust me; I
know firsthand how difficult it is to control yourself when someone angers
you." I could only nod in total agreement. "You need to remember that no matter
what, you can't lose control of yourself in school. Just ignore anything they
say. We'll get back at them later, if needs be."
From my peripheral I could see Papa watching us. I hopped down and raced over
to him, wrapping my arms around his legs.
"I don't wanna go to school, Papa," I spoke childishly.
"And why is that?" he teased gently.
"I just don't want to go. I wish winter never ended!" I looked down at my feet.
"Oh, don't we all, Saria?" Papa asked. He clapped his hands together. "Well, no
use denying the inevitable. Car, both of you," he ordered and we both made our
way to the car that would take me to the most hated place for any child. I sat
into the back seat and buckled up. Aside from my Amir, my family was the only
one who drove to school. The rest of the girls just walked. I knew it made them
envious every time they seen me driving through the gates.
As we neared the school grounds the first thing I saw was a group of Zainab's
friends. One, Zaire, caught me eying her and flipped me the bird. "Fucking
goddamn cunt," I muttered. Thankfully, Papa was too busying trying to perfect
his parallel parking to notice. Just another day in my life, I guess.
"Alright, honey. Enjoy your day," Papa said as I hopped out of the car. I
turned back and gave him a little wave.
Assef hopped out too and leaned down to embrace me. "Remember; self-control,
kiddo. I love you."
"I love you too!" I called over my shoulder as I took off running into the
school grounds. As I ran, I accidentally collided straight into another girl of
about thirteen, knocking us both to the asphalt.
"Watch where you're going you little bitch!" she swore, not even bothering to
help me up. I sat there, dazed, my head reeling, shocked that she would speak
to me in this way. I could scarcely believe that any child would be so dumb.
What I wouldn't give to slap her full force right now. I had to remember my
brother's words. Self control was imperative.
Still, that didn't mean I couldn't put her in her place with my words now, did
it? I quickly leapt to my feet and leaned over her. As was common with my
enemies, she immediately shrank back. "Why don't you watch how you speak to
me?" I snapped. She pushed me back with such force that I almost fell over.
"Why don't youwatch where you're going?" she snarled.
Instantly I could tell that she was new here. Why else would she be so bold as
to challenge me? I could tell I had made a powerful new enemy. I knew I would
soon put her in her place, though. "Oh, are you looking for a fight?" I asked,
clenching my fists. "Because if you are, then you found one!" We eyed each
other up. She stood a few inches taller than me, as do most people, but I
looked up at her with as much fury as I could muster. She wore a blue dress
that clung to her legs. Her black hair was tied back in a bun.
She held her hands up in anticipation. I walked towards her, leaned down so I
was right in her face. I kept driving her backwards so that I now had her
pinned up against the wall. I saw that a crowd had gathered. Luckily for us,
the bell had not been rung for class to begin. Or should I say, unluckily for
her! I lifted my hand, tightened it around her throat. "Nobody speaks to me
that way!" I snapped. The girl made guttural choking noises. "Nobody!" I
emphasized again. I lifted my other hand and cracked her once, twice, three
times in the face.
"I'm gonna tell!" she wailed. As they all do. I smiled, raising my eyebrows.
"Are you now?" I asked, giggling uncontrollably. "Why would you do that, hmm?"
I slammed her head into the wall. "Say, do you like your face?" I asked. "You
look pretty, don't you? It would be a terrible waste if you were to get scarred
or disfigured." I leaned down to whisper in her ear. "If you bother me, my
brother will fuck you. Literally. I'll get him to rape you," I whispered.
"You don't scare me!" she retorted, pushing me backwards.
"Just watch your back! Just watch your back, dear," I spat. I let her go and
skipped off. Inside, I was fuming. How darethis girl behave this way. What was
wrong with her? Did she know who I was? Who my brother was? What we had done?
I wanted to kill her. To gut her like a piece of Swiss cheese. My body shook
with rage, but I couldn't let my emotions through. I had a part to play. It
wouldn't be too hard for me to take revenge on this child and go unnoticed. I
knew nobody would ever think of me as a bad person, or capable of these
atrocities. True, I had allowed the other children to witness my violent temper
just there, but each of them was well aware of what I was capable of. The girl
I had just threatened was now back with her circle of friends. I watched them
comfort her, each whispering soothing words.
She caught me eyeing her and flipped me the bird. 'Control, Saria, control…' I
reminded myself. We stared each other out for a few more moments, and she stuck
her tongue out at me. Clearly she had no understanding of the word fear. No
matter. I would show her. This girl, whoever she was, had just made a very
powerful enemy. If I had to dispose of her the way I disposed of Zainab, then I
had no qualms about it. Why should I? She was of no importance to me. It would
be her own fault if she ended up stabbed, or worse. Taking a deep breath, I
decided that I would at least give her a chance.
She'd fucked up once, but I would let that incident slide. She didn't know who
I was, after all. Perhaps once she did, she would stay away from me. For her
sake I could only hope she would. I spotted Adia up ahead, looking forlorn.
Smiling, I strolled over to her. "Hello, Adia jan." I said, slinging an arm
around her shoulders. She looked up at me and smiled. As good a smile she could
muster considering how shit her winter had been.
"Hello, Saria," she said. Her voice cracked as she spoke. We had not seen each
other since the funeral. Surely the sight of me must have brought back so many
bad memories. I gently brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.
"How are you holding up, dear?" I asked. She looked at me in confusion.
Wondering why I would be so kind to her. In truth, I needed something to calm
my nerves. Needed to be a 'friend' to someone. I had to suppress my dark urges
today. At least for a while. "No answer?" I kissed her forehead. "It's alright.
You just stick with me today, my dear." I rubbed her tiny hand. I could see
'new girl' watching us.
"Stick with me and we'll get through it one moment at a time." I told her. The
bell was rung for the beginning of class. I knew I had a tedious day lined up
ahead of me. Taking Adia's hand, I began to trudge into line. As I made my way
into class, someone pushed against my bitch, making her stumble. It was easy to
see who the culprit was. We made our way inside and took our seats.
Mullah Fahsir Khan, a new Mullah since our last one had passed away, addressed
the class, his voice loud and authoritive. "Welcome back, girls. I trust your
winter was enjoyable." 'You have no idea,' I thought to myself. "Well, we've
got a long year of hard work ahead of us." We all groaned collectively.
"Lots of homework." Another groan from the class
Mullah Fahsir Khan slapped his forehead. "Oh! Howcould I have forgotten?" He
gestured to the girl I had just named as my new enemy. "Girls, we have a new
student joining us. This," he placed a gnarled hand on her shoulder, "is
Ahtrai. She comes from the Karter-Char district." The Karter-Char district. The
last person I had met from there ended up being beaten unconscious by my
brother.
Part of me began wishing that Ahtrai would end up suffering the same fate.
Raising my hand, I waved sweetly at her. 'Ahtrai, such a pretty name… almost
rhymes with raped or murdered.' I thought to myself, suppressing a grin. "I'm
sure you'll all want to get to know her," the Mullah grinned. 'I'd like her to
get to know my brother's brass knuckles.' I thought.
The Mullah continued with the day's Rumi lesson as though nothing in the world
was wrong. Every so often, he would call on me to answer a question, which was
one of my deepest pet-hates. Can't he just leave me alone? I found myself
wanting to deck him on a number of occasions. Time seemed to tick by endlessly
before we were allowed out for lunch. I made my way outside and trudged over to
one of the swings. I sat down and began swinging back and forth.
Adia, for some strange reason, had not come over to me. 'Just let it go' I told
myself. No need to be pissed at my bitch for not playing with me. Besides, I
needed all the solitude I could get. I closed my eyes and looked up at the
clouds. For all intents and purposes, this day hadn't gone too badly.
I was startled out of my calm thoughts by a loud wail. "Now what the fuck is
going on here?" I asked. I stood up and made my way hurriedly to the source of
the noise. Ahtrai had Adia pinned to the ground. Two of her little bitch
friends held the child's feet captive. Adia was struggling. Ahtrai kept
slapping and hitting her repeatedly. None of the other children could move;
they were all shocked by what they were seeing.
"What the fuckdo you think you're doing?" I screamed suddenly. Ahtrai looked up
as I violently shoved her to the asphalt. Adia rose shakily to her feet and
stumbled backwards. Ahtrai and I circled each other, like a lioness circling a
zebra. I being the lioness, of course. With my hands balled up into fists, I
began to shake as I stole another glance at Adia. She stood nearest to me, one
tiny hand wrapped around her waist. Her lip was bleeding, and I imagined it
must be hurting quite a bit.
Still, for all her faults, she had been very brave. She was only ten, after all
and Ahtrai thirteen. Ahtrai clenched her fists, a bold determination set in her
coal black eyes. She did not seem to show any signs of backing down, and I,
though my heart pains me to say it, admired her for it. Not many children take
on the Ahmed siblings and live to tell the tale. Or, in the very least, live a
normal life ever again. Cases in point; Zainab and Hassan.
Adia whimpered, covering her eyes. I gave her a small smile to reassure her
that no more harm would come to her by Ahtrai's hands. Bitch she may be, yes,
but she was my bitch. Nobody else, with the exception of Assef, who is, of
course, the exception to most of my rules, was allowed to harm her. To think
that Ahtrai had put claim on myproperty was infuriating to me. "What's wrong,
are you scared?" Ahtrai taunted. "Are you waiting for me to take the first
shot?" She stepped closer to me. I did not falter.
"Well go ahead, Ahtrai," I said, holding my open palms up. "Hit me. Take the
first shot. TAKE IT!" Impulse was driving me now, the desire to be struck .The
desire for her to face the punishment my brother would undoubtedly dole out to
her. "Coward!" I teased. Something wet and sticky landed in my eye. It took all
of ten seconds to figure out that Ahtrai had spat on me.
The nerve of her! I violently shoved her to the ground. "Spit on me, huh?" I
screamed as I began kicking her repeatedly. "You filthy whore!" I continued my
merciless assault. Spat, kicked and punched every inch of her. I dug my finger
nails into her stomach, reveling in her moans of pain.
She curled up like a tortoise in its shell. The rest of her friends gasped as I
kicked their leader mercilessly. I knelt down next to her and put a hand on her
neck, squeezing tight. Her face was bright red, drool trickled down her chin
from her bottom lip. I noticed a large rock lying beside me, and grabbed hold
of it. I raised it up over my head, with every intention of smashing it down
onto her pretty little face. Ahtrai gulped audibly.
I grinned at her. "Shh, it's time to sleep now," I said as I made to let go of
the rock. Something hard rammed into me, and I fell to the ground. I rolled
from side to side, pain in my head Ahtrai now had the upper hand and was
kicking me in the stomach! I moaned in pain; I did not deserve this suffering.
"Leave her alone!" Adia screamed suddenly. "LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE!" She dove on
Ahtrai and threw her off me. I blinked, surprised. 'That's my bitch!' I thought
to myself, unable to suppress the large grin on my face.
Adia certainly had some strength in her I had never seen before. Ahtrai's
friends stood frozen. The cowards! From my peripheral, I could see Mullah
Fahsir Khan rushing towards us. My heart dropped. How much of the fight had he
seen? I decided I would have to play the part of the victim. The part I knew so
well. I curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth.
Ahtrai did not see him coming, and made to strike me again. I shrank back,
seemingly terrified. Her fist inched closer to my face. Mullah Fahsir Khan
pulled her off me suddenly. "GET OFF HER!" he roared, holding her round the
waist. "What do you think you're doing, young lady?" he spat viciously. I cried
loudly, my head in my hands.
"She started it!" Ahtrai screamed.
"Yeah, Saria hit Ahtrai first!" her friends jumped in at her defense.
"Is that true, Saria?"
I shook my head frantically. Took a deep breath. Calmed myself. "No. That's not
true at all. Ahtrai started teasing Adia. I told her to stop and she just
ganged up on me. On us," I said calmly.
She threatened to smash my face in with a rock!" Ahtrai sobbed. "She's
dangerous!"
Mullah Fahsir Khan snickered. "Dangerous?" he asked. "This child's terrified
out of her wits. Look at her. Look at what you've done to her." He gestured to
my bleeding nose. "How did that happen? Did she do that to herself?" She was at
a loss for words. "Ahtrai, you're new here. Don't make things harder for
yourself," Mullah Fahsir Khan said. "Just admit what you did was wrong and
accept whatever punishment you get given." Ahtrai continued to sob
uncontrollably.
"NO! NOOO!" she moaned. "PLEASE BELIEVE ME! I DID NOTHING! It's her! It's all
her! She threatened me! She threatened that her brother would rape me!" 'Oh,
you're in for it now,' I vowed. Nobody tried to get my brother into trouble and
got away with it! My eyes widened in false shock.
"That's despicable, Ahtrai," Mullah Fahsir Khan's tone was disappointed.
"That's a terrible accusation. I know Saria. I know her brother. They are two
of the kindest, sweetest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and I
know that Saria would never threaten you like that, nor would Assef ever lay a
hand on anyone." I knew that no matter what she said I had the upper hand here.
My bitch suddenly spoke up. "Saria was only standing up for me and I thank her
for it. She did nothin' wrong. Please don't punish her. Please!"
"I'm not mad at Saria, dear," the Mullah replied. "She's not in any trouble."
I smiled demurely. "Thank you. Thank you," I said politely.
"Saria," he said. "If you want, I can run across to your brother's school to
get him to collect you. He'll be able to get a half day from school to come
take you home. You can wait in my office for him."
I nodded. "Mmmhmm," I said. "I'd like that." Mullah Fahsir Khan led Ahtrai away
for what I was sure, in his eyes, would be an appropriate punishment. Her
friends scurried after them, begging for mercy on behalf of their fallen
comrade.
Adia began sobbing as she watched them go. I rounded on her suddenly. "Don't
think for one moment I care for you," I snarled at her. "You are my property,
and nobody harms my property without my prior consent." I grabbed her arms. She
whimpered as I leaned in close to her face. My grip was the only thing keeping
her from toppling to the asphalt. "Are you going to tell on me?" I asked
quietly. She shook her head. My grip slackened just a bit, but it was enough to
make her stumble.
"Are you?" I asked. "A nod is not an answer, Adia, and choose your words
carefully. Accidents do happen."
"No, noo!" she half moaned. "I won't tell. I promise. Cross my heart and hope
to die!" I straightened her up.
"That works for me," I said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. I gently
kissed her cheek. "You'd better run along, dear. Off to Maths." I watched her
go and made my way to Mullah Fahsir Khan's office.
I lowered myself into an old oak chair and began rocking back and forth. Time
ticked by endlessly as I dealt with my tangled thoughts. I shook my head
repeatedly, trying to clear it. 'No one will believe them,' I told myself.
'You're in the clear.' Ahtrai had some nerve to challenge me. What was her
problem? Did she think she could 'take my throne', so to speak, like that?
I knew I had made five new enemies. "God!" I swore. "Just once, let people have
the sense not to challenge me!" I was truly getting sick of putting people in
their place. "Saria," Mullah Fahsir Khan said, placing a gnarled hand on my
shoulder. "Your brother's here." I immediately jumped up and ran to him. We
embraced each other tightly.
"Are you alright, Saria?" Assef asked as he stroked the back of my head. He
straightened up and turned to the mullah. "Does she need a doctor?" he asked,
putting an arm around me and drawing me in close.
Mullah Fahsir Khan shook his head. "No. I'd say she'll be fine with a bit of
T.L.C."
Assef smiled one of his most charming smiles. "Well, she'll definitely get
that." He straightened up and took my hand. "Come on, kiddo, let's get you
home." As we walked, I noticed Ahtrai sitting on a chair on her own. Her face
buried in her hands. Slender body shaking with sobs. She looked up when she
heard our footsteps across the tiled floor.
I bared my teeth at her and snarled like a wild animal. She whimpered. "She's
not as brave as I thought she'd be," Assef sneered.
"It's because you're here," I said, smiling up at him. "Because she knows
you'll rape her."
"I'll take a piss in her mouth," Assef teased, wrapping an arm around my
shoulders.
I giggled, covering my mouth with my left hand. "You're my favorite brother
ever!" I said childishly.
Assef looked down at me for one long moment. His eyes bore into mine. For one
split second, I didn't know him. He could have been any old stranger on the
street, and not the brother and best friend I loved. Assef's vibrant blue eyes,
the same eyes as mine, clouded over for one split second. The he blinked and
smiled at me. "I'm your only brother, Saria," he said.
"Assef what was that about?" I asked.
"What?"
"The way you looked at me there. It was like I didn't know you. Is there
something you're not telling me?" I asked.
Assef sighed. "It's nothing, kiddo. I'll tell you one day, but not now. You
deserve to know, but I'm not quite ready to talk about it yet. When it's time
to talk, we'll talk," he said. I nodded.
"Okay," I said, deciding not to push it. "Don't feel pressured, Assef. I'm
ready to listen whenever you're ready to talk."
"When'd you get so smart, sport?" he asked. "I guess someone had to get the
good family genes," I quipped.
Assef dug his fingers into my ribs. "Do you now?" he asked, grinning. I
shrieked with laughter.
"Joking! I was JOOOKING!" I squealed.
"Oh, I don't know. You've got a bit of a mouth on you, Saria. I wouldn't be a
proper sociopath if I didn't punish you for it." He tickled me mercilessly. I
began frantically beating at his waist.
"ASSSEFFF!" I giggled "STOOOP!" My arms and legs flailed around wildly.
"Well, alright. don't want you passing out on me." he kissed my cheek. "Come on
then, let's get you home before Mother and Father get back. We can play pool,
and maybe go for a 'just because' Maybe see if Ahmad wants to play?"
I squealed loudly. Bounced up and down. "Do you mean it, Assef?" I asked.
"Really?" He nodded. "Thank you! Oh, thank you, brother! We haven't had a just
because in AAGES!" My eyes lit up. A just because was when Assef and I used to
spend hours scoping out potential victims. Once we had chosen one, we'd chase
them 'till they could run no more, and then we'd taunt them, make them believe
we were going to hurt them, but never actually getting around to it.
I remember making people faint on a number of occasions. After we had
successfully caused them to panic, we'd eventually get around to physical
violence. Most of these people had done nothing to us, nothing that warranted
our treatment of them. Hence the name, just because. I loved bonding with my
brother over a just because. It was so much fun, and Assef always took me out
for a bite to eat afterwards.
"I promise I'll get Ahtrai back for what she did to you," Assef reassured me.
"She's damn lucky I wasn't there when she attacked you. I'd have slit her
fucking throat ear to ear." He emphasized.
"She spat on me too," I said sadly. "Spat in my eye like I'm nothing," I
mumbled to my feet. "Am I nothing?" I asked.
Assef shook his head. "No, God, no. That's nottrue! How dare that bitch think
she can spit on my baby sister and get away with it? I should go back there and
smash her fucking head in right now!" he swore angrily. "And to think, all
she'll get is fucking detention! It's not even... oh that little cunt, treating
you that way! What a little bitch!" he snapped.
He sighed heavily as we walked into our home. "You know something, sport?" he
asked as we both curled up next to each other on the couch. "I'm getting pretty
sick of putting people in their place. I'm sick of people not understand
they're beneath us."
"Me too," I said. I rested my head on his chest as he cradled me in his arms.
"Me too."
My face darkened as I imagined what I would like to do to Ahtrai. Gut her like
a fish. Slit her throat. Defecate in her mouth. I wanted her to taste it. I
smiled as I imagined the beautiful fantasy that I hoped would become reality.
***** Old Friend's Return *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria's return to school got off to a bad start
     when a new girl named Ahtrai decided to make her an enemy. She
     managed once again to manipulate the situation to her advantage and
     Ahtrai was sent to the principal's office. Now we find that it is
     midweek and trouble is still following her...
The sun beat in the windows as I packed my bag. School was now over for the
rest of this Tuesday afternoon, something I couldn't be happier about. I don't
think that I could stand to listen to Mullah Fazir Khan droning on about
Pashtun history one more second. It had now been one full week since Ahtrai's
arrival into Wazir-Akbhar-Khan. For the most part, she and her friends kept to
themselves, which was exactly how it should have been.
She and her circle of friends kept to themselves, not bothering to branch out
and make friends with any of the other children. Under my influence, the other
girl's in our class avoided Ahtrai with the same vehemence that one bestows
upon a leper. Adia had also become a lot happier since I'd stood up for her
against Ahtrai. As I said before, that girl was my property and it would be a
cold day in hell before I let anyone else push her around.
It just wouldn't do to make the poor little thing feel as though she had two
masters now, would it? I prepared to leave the now deserted classroom.
Suddenly, I felt something hard ram into me. I overbalanced and fell flat on my
face, whacking my nose off floor. My pencil case rolled out of my open bag and
under a table. Pencils, pens, crayons and fountain pens all spilled out across
the classroom. ''FUCK!'' I swore as I crawled around desperately trying to pick
them all up.
''Tsk, tsk, little girls shouldn't be using language like that!'' scolded a
voice from behind me. I turned around on my knees, coming face to face, or
should that be face to legs, with Ahtrai. She stood over me with her arms
folded across her chest. Forgetting about my school things, I instantly leapt
to my feet and glared daggers at her. She wore a red dress that had a ribbon
tied at the back. I had to laugh at the irony of her choice of clothing. 'Like
a red flag to a bull,' I thought to myself.
Ahtrai bent down and picked up one of my books, the heaviest of them. She
walked towards me with the book raised. I backed away, raising my hands up at
my sides in anticipation. ''OHHH, are you scared of me, Saria?'' she asked
teasingly.
''Don't push me, Ahtrai, just don't push me!'' I snapped, clenching my fists.
Ahtrai advanced on me, a wide grin plastered on her face. She took the book and
swung her arm back. She cracked me on the side of the head with it. My head
reeled as I stumbled, catching myself on a nearby table as my legs gave way and
I tumbled once again to the floor. I wondered how much time had passed. Part of
me wished Assef was collecting me instead of Javid. I didn't fancy Ahtrai's
chances against a sixteen-year-old rapist.
Ahtrai leaned down so she could whisper in my ear. ''We're in an empty
classroom, Saria,'' she hissed menacingly. ''What's stopping me from beating
you to a bloody pulp, hmm?''
''I ask myself that same question about you,'' I retorted, fighting the
childish urge to stick my tongue out.
This was now full scale fights or flight situation. There was no way I was
going to let her get away with treating me like this! No way in high hell! I
shoved her backwards, causing her to stumble, lose her footing. "Bitch," I
heard Ahtrai mutter, just loud enough for me to hear. I set my jaw and glared
at her. On the Mullah's table, directly behind me, rested a small white ceramic
figure. Just large enough for me to pick up and strike her with.
I quickly grabbed hold of it. Ahtrai didn't even have time to blink as I let
out an animalistic scream and lunged for her. Ahtrai struggled like an animal
in a trap as I pinned her down, pressing one foot on her chest. I bounced the
figure up and down in my hand, not saying a word.
She continued to beat and claw at my legs. "You have two options here, Ahtrai,"
I said in a sugar sweet voice. "Option A, we both forget this ever happened,
and you promise not to tell anyone." In response to this, she hissed like a
feral cat. I just smiled down at her, knowing that whatever happened, I would
remain in total control of this situation. "Or... Option B," I leaned down so I
was nose to nose with the thirteen-year-old brat. "I smash your skull in with
this until you become so disfigured you no longer resemble a human being. It's
your choice, Ahtrai." I gave her the same smile I gave many of my victims.
"I'm not afraid of you, Saria," she said. "I know you wouldn't do it. You're
just trying to scare me."
"Not scared of me?" I asked in false incredulousness. "Oh, now I have to
rectify that, don't I?" I raised the ceramic figure high over my head and swung
it down at her. She screamed as I barely missed her face. "Think I'm playing
now?" I asked. She shook her head frantically.
"No, I mean, yes, I mean noo…" she moaned.
I let her up. "Why don't you do yourself a big favor, Ahtrai and just fuck off
out of my sight?" I snarled. She just looked at me, completely dumfounded that
I would even have the audacity to treat her in this manner.
After all, I was so quiet and sweet. She must have seen me as a pretty easy
target, so pathetic and weak. Well, that illusion had well and truly been
shattered for her. I swung the figure at her again. She jumped. "Ha, made you
flinch!" I teased. For one long moment Ahtrai and I just stared at reach other.
Maybe now she would have the common sense not to bother me anymore. I could
smell the fear radiating from her, like a shark smells blood in the water. "It
seems you've learned a very important lesson from me today, Ahtrai, didn't you?
DIDN'T YOU?" She nodded hurriedly.
"Go on home, you little whore but just remember, next time, I won't be as
merciful." I swung the figure at her for a third time. She quickly backed up
and almost fell over herself in her haste to get away. Once she was gone, I
sighed heavily, placing my hands into my hands. This was turning out to be a
fairly shitty day for me. God forbid I just get some fucking peace! I replaced
the figure back on the desk and straightened the tables so the classroom looked
exactly as it had done before. The black rain clouds that now covered the sky
thundered ominously.
The weather seemed to change as often as my moods these past few days. I
straightened my blonde plaits, grabbed my bag and blue coat, and stormed out
the door. A somber silence greeted me as I walked through the now-empty
hallway. The other girls must have gone home, fortunately for me. I don't think
that I could handle being teased again. 'What the fuck gives Ahtrai the right
to treat me in that way?' I bent over and placed my hands on my knees, sighing
deeply. Up ahead, Adia was waiting for me. Her father would be dropping me home
today.
I walked up to her and cracked her across the face, sending her sailing to the
ground like a ton of bricks. Her books went flying and she scrambled about like
a blind man trying to pick them up. This caused me great satisfaction. To see
someone suffering in the same way that I had suffered. "Come on, you little
cunt," I offered her my hand. "Get me home fast." I pushed past her and out to
the car. Javid gave me a broad smile as I approached. I smiled back, waving.
"Hello, sweetheart," Javid greeted as I got into the car.
"And hello to you too," I said in a sugar sweet voice. Adia climbed in beside
us and we set off. I ignored what Javid was saying and rested my chin on my
hand, staring out the window. All I wanted right now was to get home and sulk.
"Saria… Saria…" Adia poked me in the side. Damn, her nails were fucking sharp.
I turned, and, forcing a smile, asked, "What is it, dear?"
"Would you like to come to tea at ours?" Javid asked. "Your parents are away
and we were wondering if you wanted to play with Adia."
"I just want to go home." I said. Realizing that this must seem a bit rude, I
quickly added, "I have a lot of homework to do, and I'm very tired. It's been a
long day." That it certainly had.
"Alright, dear. I bet you've got a lot of work too, Adia," he teased his
daughter.
"Yes, Papa," she grinned back. Ten minutes later, we reached the large white
compound I called home. I smiled my thanks to Javid, grabbed my bags and ran to
the door. Using the key that Mama had given me when I was eight; I burst in and
flung my bag into a heap in the corner. There was a resounding crash as it hit
the wall.
"Stupid FUCKING THING!" I screamed. Assef heard the commotion and came out of
the living room.
"Afternoon, kiddo, I thought I heard your voice," he joked. "You're bleeding!"
he exclaimed, taking in my injured nose and lip.
"Afternoon, Assef," I said, hugging him around the waist. My tone showed the
genuine love and caring I felt for my brother. "I just wanna go up to my room
and cry, alright? I'll speak to you later. Don't worry too much about the
blood." I made to go up the stairs.
Assef grabbed hold of my arm. "Wait, wait, wait…" he said, turning me around to
face him. He squatted down so we were on a level. "What happened, Saria?" Tears
of anger and frustration welled up in my eyes as I debated telling my brother
about the events of my horrible afternoon.
Assef held my arms firmly. "What in the world is wrong, sister? Did someone do
something to you?" His eyes took on that dangerous glaze. "Is there someone
bullying you? Tell me who did this to you."
"Ahtrai," I spat her name like it was some sort of swear word. "Ahtrai, that
little cow!" Assef sat down on the bottom steps and gently pulled me onto his
lap.
"You want to tell me about it?" he asked. I suddenly launched into a tangent…
"I wanted to go home, Assef, I was just getting ready to leave. That was all I
was doing! I have half a mind to slit her fucking throat!" I stomped my feet in
frustration. "That little whore, how fucking dare she.. I'm going to fucking
kill her, I'll fucking cut her right the fuck open!"
"Slow down, dear, you're going a mile a minute… Shh, come on, start from the
beginning," Assef said.
I sighed. "I was packing my bag, right? And the little cow pushed me! And hits
me with my fucking Rumi book, right in the goddamn face! Tears of frustration
filled my eyes. Wiping them away, I continued my sorry tale. "And then, then…
she has the audacity to call me a bitch!" I placed my head in my hands on my
head and sighed deeply.
"I just lost control of myself, Assef. I swung the Mullah's ceramic figure at
her."
"Did you hit her?" Assef asked.
I shook my head. "No, but I threatened to. Now I wish I had. I should have
smashed her fucking face right in!" I stomped my feet into the ground. "What
did I do to deserve this fucking shit, what's her problem!"
Assef held me tightly. "Some people are just idiots, Saria, that's all. I'm
sure you taught her a very valuable lesson, however."
I smirked at this. "She'll leave me alone now, I'm sure of it, at least she'd
better or I'll break her fucking neck!" I stood up and wiped my eyes. "''I just
want some fucking peace and quiet. Just to be left alone. Not beaten to a
bloody pulp by some little smart ass freak. Who does she think she is,
anyway?'' I retorted.
''She just moved in last week and already she's singled me out as her target!
Why? What did I do?'' My temper was slowly rising to the surface again. ''I
mean, besides crash into her but surely she would have gotten over it by now!''
My already thin shred of patience was slowly whittling away down on to nothing.
I wanted answers to my questions, goddamn it! ''ARGHH!'' I shouted suddenly,
kicking the banister hard.
All that did was give me a sore foot. I hissed and hopped up and down, rubbing
it. My head ached, my nose ached and now my foot ached. What a great fucking
day to be me! ''Come on now, kiddo, you don't want a broken toe on top of all
the other injuries you've already sustained.'' Assef stood up and brushed a
lock of hair behind my ear in a loving and gentle gesture.
''Let's get you a tissue for that nose, eh? You're lucky it just seems to be a
scratch, I don't think she's broken anything. Although...'' he trailed off.
''You did say you hit your head off a desk, right?'' I nodded slowly. ''I don't
know if I should take you to get that checked out or not, kiddo. I'm just
worried you could have concussion. Just... turn around for me one moment,
please.''
I willingly obliged and Assef inspected the back of my head for any cuts or
bumps. ''Nothing I can see here, now do you feel okay? Not sick or anything?''
I shook my head.
''Just incredibly pissed off, Assef but I feel fine other than that.'' I gave
him a warm and genuine smile. He returned the gesture, placing his hand on my
hair and ruffling the blonde plaits.
''You look like Rhoda from that American movie. You know the one that Mother's
family in Germany told her about. The one she watched the last time she went
over. What's that called again? The Bad Seed, that's it.''
With our riches and Papa's airline business, it was easy as pie for Mama to
make those trips to Germany to visit the family she had left behind upon moving
to Afghanistan to marry our father. We were practically pissing change, after
all. Mama had stopped her yearly trips when Assef was born, however, stating
that she wanted to devote all her time to being a good mother.
That she couldn't bear the thought of going half way around the world and
leaving her family behind. A good mother, HA! That's a laugh! She wasn't even
here today to comfort her little girl who had just been beaten and tormented.
Who knew where the bitch was, but it certainly was not where she should have
been. As usual, it was up to Assef to care for me today as he had done so many
other days like this. I neither knew nor cared where our parents went today.
All the better for us to have the house to ourselves!
''What'cha thinking' bout, sport?'' Assef asked, tapping me on the nose. I
giggled like the innocent child I was so often perceived to be. ''Oh, nothing
of importance. Just how happy I am to get to spend time alone with you. I
really like it when we get to spend time together. It's just the best.''
''Such a sweet thing to say, kiddo,'' Assef said. ''I take it you're in better
form, then?''
''I'm not too sure,'' I admitted truthfully as we made our way into the kitchen
where Hamilra had poured out two piping hot bowls of lentil soup. ''I'm just
going to take everything one moment at a time. That's how I'm going to get
through today. One step at a time.'' I nodded in self-satisfaction as I began
to eat.
''Oh and Mother wants you to an hour of school work.''
I pouted childishly. ''Oh, I hate schoolwork!'' I lamented. ''Why do I have to
do it?''
''Well, you don't want your Mullah's to get mad at you, hmm? You don't need a
reputation for being naughty, do you?''
''Me, naughty?'' I pointed to myself in faux-shock. ''Goodness, Assef, do you
know your baby sister at all?''
Assef laughed. ''Don't be cheeky,'' he said, pretending to be cross. I laughed
loudly and hugged him. ''You know, if it were up to me you'd be allowed do your
homework whenever you pleased. Can't be helped though. Get at least an hour's
work done and I'll take you for a 'just because.' We need to catch up on them,
don't we? How many have we had this year? It's only been two, right?''
''Third time's a charm,'' I quipped.
''Right, and I'll even let you pick out our lucky third victim,'' Assef said. I
whooped loudly, clapping my hands in elation. My teeth clacked against the soup
as I ate it in a hurry.
''This tastes like dog shit,'' I lamented, stirring the watery liquid. ''Not
that I'd know what dog shit tastes like but I imagine it's pretty damn close.''
''Well don't eat it if it doesn't taste right,'' Assef said. ''I don't want you
getting food poisoning.'' He took both half-empty bowls and poured them down
the sink. Bits of food swirled around in the plug hole as he cleaned both our
bowls and placed them neatly back into the cupboard.
''Bit of hashish would have made that better, I bet,'' I noted.
''You shouldn't be taking hashish, kiddo. You're insane enough as it is. You
are a murderer after all.''
''And you're a rapist,'' I teased back.
''Murderer.''
''Rapist.'' We both smiled at each other. Who knew that two monsters could love
like this? The fact that we could joke about such serious topics was testament
to the dark and evil psyches Assef and I both shared.
I jumped down from the table and skipped off to where my bag lay forgotten in
the hall. I swung the bag up onto my shoulder. ''I'll be down in an hour.'' I
shouted as I began making my way up the stairs. ''Call if you need anything,''
Assef called after me. I gave him a quick wave before trudging the rest of the
way up to my room. I opened the door and stepped inside. My desk stood waiting
for me with pencils all lined up in a straight line. Study. Just another
tedious task I had to contend with. Would it be too much to ask for a break?
I pulled out my Math book and began pouring over fractions. Normally, I'd find
these things easy as piss, but now, my mind was anywhere but where it should
have been. Thoughts of what I would like to do to Ahtrai danced around in my
brain. The pain and humiliation I had experienced while I crawled like a dog on
my knees was eating away at the short fuse that was my temper.
Why, why was she bullying me? Why did it have to be me that she singled out?
Why not one of the other girls? She almost made me feel fearful of going to
school now, thinking about what she would do next. ''Why are you scared,
Saria?'' I asked myself. "Look at what happened to Zainab when she crossed you.
To Adia. To Hassan. You don't have to be afriad of anyone!"I slammed the palms
of my hands against the desk in emphasis as I snarled the words out.
If I could kill Zainab and get away with it, surely I could do the same to
Ahtrai. I'd put enough holes in her she'd resemble a piece of Swiss cheese more
than she would a human being. I placed my head down on the desk and let my mind
wander for a few moments with thoughts of Zainab and her murder. I came to the
sudden realization that no matter what she did to me, I could not murder Ahtrai
as I had done Zainab. If I did, then surely all eyes would turn on me
considering the beating I had doled out to her in front of the other children
last week.
Now, don't get me wrong, I was pissed and I did hate the girl, but I also had
to think of the consequences I would face should she fall victim to my wrath. I
would take solace in the fact that she now must be as terrified of me as my
other enemies always were. And even if I couldn't really murder Ahtrai, I could
always imagine it, right? Imagination was such a wonderful thing. My mind was
already filled with beautiful fantasies. Ahtrai, tied up, chafed rope cutting
deep into her wrists and ankles, her eyes gouged out of her head, her mouth
sliced clean off, a gaping mess of bloodied flesh. I could practically hear her
distorted screams as I sliced her face down to the very bone.
If I could, I would slice and dice away at her until only her skeleton would
remain. Oh, to be able to bring my diabolical plans to fruition! Believe me, if
I could, I would march over to her house and do all these things and more. If I
could, but alas, I cannot, fortunately for her. The minutes seemed to tick by
endlessly as I sat up and worked diligently at my algebra fractions.
Once the hour elapsed, I threw the book in a heap on the floor. I decided it
was time for a change of clothes and pulled on a ruffled beige dress, with
large collar. The outfit was nothing short of ridiculous, but I always tried to
dress as innocently as possible when going on a 'just-because'. More innocent
than normal, I mean. Closing my bedroom door behind me, I bounded down the
stairs to meet my brother. He smirked at the sight of me as I ambled towards
him. ''Nice... Dress..'' He trailed off, stifling a laugh. I fixed him with the
same glare I had bestowed upon Adia many a time.
''Shut up,'' I scolded playfully, smacking him on the arm.
''Homework done, kiddo?'' Assef asked. I nodded, pinching the sides of my dress
shyly.
''Yup. All done. Can we go?'' I was bouncing on my heels in excitement.
''Alright. Give me a moment.'' He zipped up his blue jacket- the same one he
wore during the Kite Fighting Tournament- and smiled. ''Come on, then.''
In my haste to get out, I almost missed the second last step on the stairs. My
heart jolted. I placed a hand on my chest. ''Fucking hell,'' I swore under my
breath.
''You okay, Saria?'' Assef asked. I nodded.
''Alright, just be careful, okay? I know it's exciting and everything, but
there's no need to injure yourself.'' I giggled. We both left the house. ''I
took a key so we could get back in.'' Assef said, locking the front door behind
him. ''Doubt Hamilra would hear the door, that dumb donkey is deaf.''
He slung an arm around my shoulder and drew me in close. ''I may have a
little... surprise for you. Make sure you pick the right victim. You're going
to love this, I promise.''
''Are you gonna rape someone again?'' I asked.
''Nope. Not today.'' We had walked into the centre of town, where merchants
were setting up their stalls for another busy days work. The cool air
circulated from overhead.
As we walked, I suddenly caught a glimpse of a familiar figure. Could it be? He
wore a light blue shirt and American jeans. His hair was plastered to his face
with sweat, and, most noticeably of all, his right ear was missing. I squealed
in delight. ''It's Farsef!''
''Oh, why, yes, it is. Well spotted, sport. You want to have a bit of fun with
him?'' Assef raised his eyebrows. I shook my head.
''Nope,'' I said, popping the 'p'. ''He's not victim material. Although, I
would like to say hi. Is that okay?''
''Of course, dear,'' Assef said, smiling. We strolled causally over to where
Farsef was. I tapped him in the shoulder. He turned around slowly, his eyes
widening in pure terror as he took in the sight of his two worst nightmares.
He began to shake like an autumn leaf.. I just smirked, taking great pleasure
in his discomfort. ''Saria?'' he mouthed. Let's see if the cunt tries to come
onto me today.
''Hello Farsef, long time no see, hmm?'' I exclaimed loudly, waving. He shook
his head. ''Cat got your tongue?'' I asked. He had no response to me as his
eyes flickered from me to Assef in utter terror. We both had made a lasting
impression on this boy's mind.
I rocked back and forth on my heels, watching, waiting. Assef suddenly stepped
forward and spat right into Farsef's eyes. ''Youte no fun when you can't hear,
you know.'' He said, signing the words as he spoke them. ''Come on, Saria,
people aren't going to torment themselves.''
As we walked, I noticed a one of Ahtrai's friends watching me. The little cow
herself was not with her. Surely they must be thinking about what had
transpired in the classroom. I held my head high and ignored her sniggers as I
walked past. ''How's your head?'' The little fucktard called in mock concern. I
had to bite my lip to stop from making a smart-ass remark back at her. She was
relentless though, and threw herself on me, knocking me to the ground. ''WHEN I
ASK YOU A QUESTION, YOU ANSWER, BITCH!'' she screamed as we both rolled around
for a bit.
My head reeled; I couldn't believe that someone would be so bold as to
challenge me with Assef standing right there. Did she have a death wish or
something? Assef, bless him, came to my aid as he always did. He grabbed the
girl and threw her off me with such force that she was almost knocked out. She
curled up on her side, moaning in pain. I got to my feet and watched Assef bend
down and wrap his hands around the child's neck.
''Do not, and I repeat, do not, let me see you bothering Saria again.
Understood?'' She nodded and began to walk away. I looked my brother in the
eye. He knew me well enough to determine the meaning behind my glance. We
advance on the little bitch like wild cats circling their prey. She ran. We
gave chase. We chased the girl for God only knows how long, down winding roads,
through twists and turns. My laughter echoed through the silence as I ran.
The chase was half the fun of a just because. As we neared the barracks where I
had last seen my beloved Amir, Assef held out his hand to stop me from running
any farther. He grabbed the girl by the back of her collar, eliciting a loud
scream from her. "SHUT UP!'' my brother growled out angrily. Now, normally we
would tease our victim, but I think both of us were so angry, we just wanted to
get the beating over and done with. We wanted revenge; we wanted to bust her
skull in. The girl was now struggling like an animal caught in a trap. Assef
reached into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out his brass knuckles.
Instead of putting them on, as I had expected, he handed them out to me.
''Go on, kiddo. Surprise.'' I became a little watery eyed as I held them with
reverence. My brother smiled as he took my hand from me and gently slipped the
brass knuckles onto it. ''Go on. I'll guide your hand.''
He pulled the girls hair back and guided my fist to her face. I had her floored
with one blow. ''You're a natural at this, kiddo. Well done." Assef
complimented me. I grinned at him as I continued to brutally beat the girl who
had been so foolish to challenge me. She was truly in hot water as we held her
down and gave her the punishment she so justly deserved.
I felt joy overcoming me as Assef and I pummeled the girl repeatedly. Fucking
little whore. I punched her once again, this time dislocating her jaw. She
moaned in pain. I bent down and grabbed her by the hair.
"Mmm, no, please…" she begged pathetically. I just smirked, slamming her head
into the rough ground. SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM! Up and down, up and down! She was
now past the point of begging and was crumpled in a pathetic ball of torn
clothes and blood.
I knew I had to have done some serious damage. "Oh, if only you had left us
alone, this wouldn't have happened, dear," Assef said in a patronizing tone of
voice, aiming a well-placed kick to the girl's stomach.
I yanked her hair back and struck her again. I got on my knees and leaned over
her. "Remember, you little whore, this will seem like nothing compared to what
we will do to you if you tell."
We left her in a pool of her own blood. Assef took his brass knuckles from me,
wiped them clean and put them back in his pocket. He ruffled my hair and held
me at arms length. "I'm proud of you, kiddo. I really am."
"Thank you," I said. "I'm proud of myself too."
"Well, you should be." He kissed me on the head and smiled warmly.
I was genuinely elated as I thought of the crumpled mess that I had left behind
me. She'd probably have to go for surgery to fix her jaw, and with any luck,
she'd be disfigured, just like Masood. I knew I had made a lasting impression
on her.
Let this be a lesson to all those who dare to cross Saria Ahmed.
***** Secrets and Lies *****
Chapter Summary
     In chapter 15, Saria once again found herself at loggerheads with
     Ahtrai. Later, she and Assef went on a just because where Saria
     violently beat another girl in her class to the point of
     unconciousness.. Now we find her in the classroom as her fellow
     classmates learn just how much damage she caused to the girl...
There was a profound silence in the classroom. You could hear a pin drop.
Mullah Fahsir Khan paced up and down, his hands behind his back like a security
guard. His brow crinkled in worry. Each child in the room sat bolt upright,
eyes straight ahead. The clock ticked endlessly on the wall behind me, making
the seconds drag on.
Mullah Fahsir Khan opened his mouth as though he was about to say something,
but decided against it. He looked at us all, making me feel extremely awkward.
I could feel myself start to sweat in my cream dress as his eyes bore into
mine. It truly felt as though he could see into my very soul. The other girls
must have felt the same, because I noticed them shifting uncomfortably.
''I don't want to hear a word,'' Mullah Fahsir Khan said finally. ''Not one
word. Not one sound. Is that clear? This is a very serious matter and I want
your full attention. Do you all understand?"
''Yes,'' we all chorused, sitting up straight, backs rigid like pre-programmed
robots. I glanced over at Ahtrai, who was glaring at me in total contempt. I
ignored her, focusing my attention back on the Mullah. He looked around at all
of us, worry etched upon his features. When he spoke, it took him a while to
get the words out.
''Somebody... Somebody hurt Ara last Tuesday. She was beaten by somebody and
left for dead.'' I tensed immediately. How did he know about that? What more
did he know? Of course, I did not let any of these fears be shown on my face. I
kept staring straight ahead, my eyes locked on the Mullah's. I pretended to be
as shocked by the news as any of the other girls.
''A local merchant found her by the barracks late in the evening, and rushed
her into the hospital.'' He pinched the bridge of his nose, gathering his
thoughts. We all looked on in shock. False shock, in my case. ''She's very,
very lucky to have survived. The poor child suffered severe trauma to her head,
and was left blind in both eyes. Doctors don't know if she will ever be able to
recover. She's also been left needing plastic surgery on her face to repair the
damage.''
He became a little misty eyed as he struggled to continue. ''What kind of sick
bastard would do this to a child?'' he snarled suddenly. ''What kind of
monsterwould beat a little girl so badly she ended up blind?'' I had to refrain
from cracking a smirk as I listened to his rant. He was such a sensitive soul,
after all, the dumb fuck. ''I want each one of you precious girls to take care
of yourselves this weekend. You must all understand that there are people out
there who will hurt you the way they hurt our Ara. Some people are just pure
evil, and can do things like this without a single feeling of remorse.''
Pure evil? I'm not pure evil, am I? Yes, I may have caused this child to be
blinded but who's fault was that? She was the one who threatened me, the one
who tried to pick a fight with me. Can I help it if I'm a more skilled fighter
than her? No I can't and besides, the little whore deserved everything she got.
Blindness was nothing compared to what I could have done to her, to what I
would have liked to do to her. I could just as easily have ripped her fucking
liver out and made her eat it. Gouged out her eyes and shoved them up her
rectum. Burned her face off with my precious lighter.
The possibilities were endless. No, I think being blinded was a lucky escape
for her, don't you? After all, this is Zainab's killer we're talking about
here. Ara should consider herself very fortunate indeed. Mullah Fahsir Khan
wiped his eyes with the heels of his hands. Tears ran down his large face, and,
looking around me, I noticed that a lot of the girls were crying hard as well.
I must have made a huge impact on them, HA! One girl of about nine buried her
face in her arms and let out a loud wail. ''Oh, poor Ara!'' she sobbed, clearly
in a lot of despair for her poor injured friend.
'Fuck with me and you pay the price,' I thought. I kept my eyes downcast,
certain that if I looked at any more sobbing children I would surely bust my
ass laughing. Ahtrai had her arms wrapped around two of her friends, and the
three of them were crying loudly. You'd think someone had been fucking
murdered, the way they were carrying on! It was truly pathetic! Mullah Fahsir
Khan's shoulders shook, as he tried to find the right words to say to comfort
us all.
''I don't... I... I just don't know what to say. This must be taking a huge
toll on all of you. Ara is one of the kindest people on God's Earth, and to
have this happen to her... It's just... disgusting.. Absolutely disgusting.''
He wiped his eyes again. He'd wipe them clean out if his head if he wasn't
careful. How funny would that be? ''Girls, I... I don't need to tell you how
hard things will be for Ara from now on. I ask that you all take the time to be
there for her and to visit her in the hospital over the weekend. I'm sure she
would appreciate your help and support in this turbulent time.''
The bell rang for the end of classes. At long fucking last! This time, however,
there was no scrambling, no noisy chairs being pushed back, no pointless
chatter as we packed our bags. The girls were still in total shock over the
news they had just received. ''Remember, keep Ara in your thoughts and
prayers,'' the Mullah said as a parting afterthought. Slowly, they began to
file out of the classroom, one by one. Soon it was only Ahtrai and myself left.
She narrowed her eyes into slits as she passed me by. ''I bet you did it...''
she hissed.
I cocked my head to the side in confusion. ''What did I do, dear?''
''Attacked Ara. I bet it was you. And if I ever prove it, I'll make sure you
get the punishment you deserve.'' Tears streamed down her ugly face. I stood up
and made my way past her into the hall. I did not even bother to respond to
her, and why would I? There was no way in high hell she could ever prove that I
had anything to do with Ara's attack! After all, who would ever suspect sweet,
benevolent Saria of doing anything wrong? All of Kabul would stand behind me in
total support.
I took solace in this fact as I exited the classroom. The clear sky and heat
that awaited me outside would be a welcome change from the stuffy classroom I
had just spent the week in. Now it was Friday! At long fucking last, the
weekend had arrived! Two whole days for me to relax, without the shit of
schoolwork and bitches like Ahtrai. The girls walked in groups of two or three
down the hall.
They gossiped among themselves, probably about Ara and her little ''accident,''
I could only hope that I would not become the target of any suspicions. Ahtrai
seemed pretty damn sure that I had done it. As I walked, I noticed one eight
year old staring at me. She held her books close to her chest and just watched
as I passed by her. My heart began pounding in my chest. 'Saria, calm down, she
doesn't know... She didn't see anything!' I told myself repeatedly as I inched
by her. She gulped. I began to step closer to her, a perpetual smile of
innocence plastered on my face.
''Is there something wrong, dear?'' I asked. She attempted to side-step me. I
grabbed her arm. I wanted to cause some terror for the fuck of it. In
retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have done that. My impulses often can't be
controlled though. She closed her eyes and shook her head.
''Please don't hurt me, Saria...'' she begged.
''Of course not. You just remember to toe the line, sweetheart. Okay?'' The
sweet little child nodded her head like it was on a spring. She reminded me of
Adia. Perhaps I could manipulate her too. I always wanted to find ways to
manipulate others to my will. We both walked out the door together in total
silence.
''What's your name?'' I asked.
She seemed almost hesitant to answer. ''Delbar,'' she mumbled. She shook in
fear of me. I smirked; I had made a serious impression on this girl's mind.
''That's a pretty name, isn't it?'' I asked sweetly.
She didn't respond. The sky was clear, and the sun shone down on us, making the
godforsaken cotton disaster I had chosen to wear extremely uncomfortable.
Delbar was silent as we walked, her grey eyes flickering back and forth. I
almost wanted to cut her throat for the sheer hell of it! The thought of her
choking on her own blood was so erotic! Fortunately for her, we both had to
turn our separate ways in order to go home.
''Have a nice weekend, Delbar. I'll see you in school on Monday!'' I called
after her as she scurried away. 'Yeah, you better run, bitch!' I thought,
watching her little rucksack bounce on her back, her hair flying about her
face. No, before you ask, I had no intentions of attacking or beating this
girl, why would I? She had done nothing to me! I just wanted someone else I
could manipulate and control. Somebody I could use to my advantage and dispose
of once I was done.
I could tell that Delbar would be going to be someone I would need to keep a
very close eye on. The busy streets were full of hustle and bustle as men,
women and children went about their daily business. I straightened my hair,
brushed down the front of my dress, and began skipping. Just another childish
mannerism I'd managed to perfect. Women simpered as I passed them, cooing to
their husbands about how precious I was, how much they wished their daughters
could be like me. I had to smile to myself at the ease of the role I was
undertaking.
Sweet and innocent little Saria. A role I had managed to perfect as a young
child. The cool air ruminated around me as I walked. I shivered and wrapped my
tiny arms around my chest, fiddling with the buttons of my blue duffel coat.
The beige tights I wore did little to stop the frigid cold on my legs. It took
all of twenty minutes for me to walk home from school.
As I approached the gate, I immediately took notice of the fact the car was
missing again. Obviously Mama and Papa were out, since Papa had taken holidays
from work these past three weeks. ''Fucking hell, couldn't they wait for me?
Assef better be home!'' I grumbled as I trudged up to the house. I knocked a
few times on the door, and after a few minutes impatient waiting, Hamilra
unlatched the lock and pulled back the door to let me in. She bowed her head as
I passed by without even a thank you. The Hazara bitch didn't deserve to be in
my presence!
''Good afternoon, Saria khanom, I hope your day was pleasant,'' she said in a
timid voice. I didn't acknowledge her and continued on towards the kitchen.
Assef had obviously just got in seconds before me, because he was just putting
his bag down. He smiled widely when he saw me, opening his arms for me to run
into. I pressed my face up against his chest.
''Hey, kiddo, welcome home. Did you have a good day at school?''
I nodded vigorously. ''Come on into the living room with me and I'll tell you
all about it.'' I half dragged my brother over to the couch and sat down on his
knee.
''You know that girl we beat on our last 'just because?''' I asked.
''The dumb cow who thought it would be a good idea to attack you right in front
of me?'' Assef asked. I played absent-mindedly with the buttons on his shirt.
''Yes. Mullah Fahsir Khan lectured us all about it today.'' Upon hearing those
words, my brother immediately became concerned for me.
''He doesn't know it was you, does he?''
''No, of course not. I acted as shocked as those other girls. Assef, listen to
me. She's blind. The bitch is blind! I knew we did damage to her, I fucking
knew it!'' I let out a loud whoop of delight and bounced on Assef's knees.
''Wow, kiddo, wow, I am so proud of you. You know that?'' I could hear the
laughter in his voice. "Blind.. I mean.. my God, fucking brilliant!"
I kissed his cheek. ''I couldn't have done it without you.'' I smiled warmly.
He ruffled my hair and set me back on my feet. I rocked back and forth on my
heels, giggling like a maniac. How I loved when I could cause pain to others.
''Do you have homework, kiddo?'' Assef asked.
''No,'' I shook my head. ''Mullah never gave us any. Guess he was too shaken up
over Ara. That's her name, by the way. He cried when he told us!'' I doubled
over in hysterics. ''He broke down in tears.'' Assef grinned at me.
''Assef, I'm going to take a bath, I'm sweating like a pig here, these dresses
are going to be the death of me!''
''Alright, Saria, you go and look after yourself, but don't go into my room,
okay? Do you promise?''
''Ah, okay, yeah, I promise,'' I said. I walked out of the room and bounded up
the stairs.
As I disrobed, I felt a shiver run up my naked body. I filled the bath with
warm, bubbling water. Dipping my toe in, I sighed in content as I climbed into
the bath. I rested my head against the taps and just let the warm water envelop
my every pore. Outside, I could hear Assef thumping around in his room. Why was
he so on edge? He'd never had a problem with me going in his room before, why
now? The dimmed bathroom light bathed me in serenity as I relaxed.
This was the kind of bliss I rarely got to experience in my hectic life. It
seemed there was always some sort of problem for me to come up against. Whether
it be Ahtrai and her teasing, or little bitches like Ara not knowing their
place, my life seemed to be getting tougher by the minute. I just seemed to be
a good target for teasing in the eyes of Ahtrai and her friends. I hoped that
none of them would have the audacity to challenge me again, but what chance was
there of that?
''Stupid Ara, you knew what I was capable of,'' I murmured in frustration. It
was her own fault she's in this situation now. The water began to heat my small
frame from top to toe. I shut my eyes and let the worries of the day just float
away. ''You're in charge, Saria. Remember that,'' I repeated this relaxing
mantra as I washed.
The sound of Assef's footsteps stomping across the hall made it fucking hard
for me to bathe in peace. ''Assef, what are you doing?'' I lamented loudly,
punching the edge of the bath in frustration. I heard his bedroom door slam and
there was silence. I climbed out of the bath and wrapped a fluffy white towel
around my tiny frame. I patted my self dry and made my way into my room. ''Now,
which abomination do I put on?'' I pondered as I sifted through my dresses and
pinafores. I pulled out a green plaid pinafore with a large collar that reached
my knees.
It would have to do, I suppose. After slipping it on, I lay down on my bed,
attempting to learn those Rumi poems from Mullah Fahsir Khan. We often had a
poetry competition, and I was hoping I'd win the next time. Studying, however,
is very difficult when one's brother keeps making a ruckus in his bedroom.
''FOR FUCK SAKE, ASSEF!'' I shouted in frustration. He mustn't have heard me,
because that godawful racket continued. Why was he like this today? He
certainly seemed to be in a bad mood about something, but what? I had to find
out! I had to. I opened my door a fraction of an inch and peeked out.
Assef walked briskly down the hall. As he passed, I automatically turned and
pressed myself up against the wall so that he couldn't see me. My heart was in
my mouth as I breathed in and out deeply. Assef's footsteps clattered down the
stairs. Now was the time to make my move. I tiptoed as silent as a little mouse
down the hall. Being secretive is one of my many talents, after all.
I walked in socked feet to Assef's room and gently shut the door behind me,
making sure to lock it as well. A part of me felt guilty for betraying my
beloved brother's trust. For doing something that I knew would cause pain to
him. No matter now. He shouldn't be so secretive. Siblings don't keep secrets
from one another. Not now, not ever! I made sure to not make a sound as I
searched for evidence. Assef's room was a total mess. Papers, bottles and books
littered the floor. I almost fell flat on my ass as I tripped over a stack of
papers he'd left lying around. I caught myself on the edge of the bed.
''Stupid mess!'' I cursed. Brushing my hair back from my face, I rummaged
through his chest of drawers, looking for some evidence. Anyevidence. There was
something jammed in the drawer. I tugged hard on it and almost overbalanced as
a large, old scrap book came flying out at me. ''So this is what's got him so
on edge!'' I thought. The scrap book looked as though it would fall apart at
any second. I knelt down on the floor and began flicking through the
photographs Assef had so carefully and religiously stuck inside.
It seemed to tell a story, beginning with an old sepia picture of Mama, her
hand on her pregnant stomach. Above it, read the caption; I'M GOING TO BE A BIG
BROTHER! Then, more pictures. Mama and a two year old Assef, smiling widely as
her stomach enlarged. I continued to search through my brother's most personal
possession. After a while, I came across a photo of him, and a baby boy in his
arms. There were a whole series of them, Mama, Papa, Assef, the mysterious
baby. The caption read MY BABY BROTHER ABDUL! Assef was grinning widely in the
photographs and so was little Abdul. Pictures of them playing, giggling,
laughing. Just being innocent children.
So now where was the brother I had never met? Why didn't Assef ever tell me
about him? My fury at being lied to by my beloved big brother was palatable. I
clenched my fists and pounded them against the floor. I glared angrily at the
photographs, at the lies. Tears sprang to my eyes. I shook my head to clear
them. ''I don't deserve to be lied to,'' I murmured to myself. ''Stupid
bastard!'' I had never felt this way about my brother before and I didn't like
it. I kicked the edge of his bed in frustration. I angrily slammed a closed
fist upon my leg, holding back the river of tears which were desperate to fall
from my eyes.
There was an unmistakable sound of someone trying to open the door. I
immediately tensed up as they tried three times in quick succession. My heart
was in my stomach. I shook with fear. BANG! BANG! BANG!
''You'd better open this door right now, Saria Adelah Ahmed,'' came Assef's
voice from the other side of the door. He sounded pissed. ''Do you hear me?
Right NOW!'' The fury in his voice filled me with dread. It was even more
terrifying than the time he had lashed out at me before Zainab's beating. I
hurriedly tried to dispose of the evidence in my hand.
''I... One MINUTE!'' I retorted.
''No. Not one minute. RIGHT NOW! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? NOWWW!'' The door knob
shook as he banged again. ''SARIA ADELAH AHMED! I am warning you! Open this
door, NOW!'' he screamed.
Slowly, I opened the door and Assef stomped inside, then slammed it shut behind
him. I watched the look on his face with utter terror. He glared down at me,
arms folded across his chest. I hurriedly put the scrapbook behind my back with
one hand. I extend the other up to my Assef in a sheepish, ashamed gesture. I
shifted from one foot to the other. Assef loomed over me. It never occured to
me until just now how fucking intimidating my brother could be. I was in a
state of both rage and shock as he backed me right into a corner.
''What did I tell you about going in my room, Saria Adelah?'' His voice was low
and dangerous. ''Huh? What did I tell you?''
''Not to go in there,'' I said.
''And what give you the right to disobey my orders?''
I shook with rage. ''Your orders?'' I asked. ''Your orders?'' I jumped up and
down in utter frustration. ''I am your sister! I am not some fucking servant
you can push about! I am not Wali or Kamal!''
Assef just shook his head at me. ''You're a spoilt little brat!''
''Fuck off, Assef, I don't want to hearit!''
''What did you just say to me?'' he asked. He slammed the palm of his hand on
the wall above my head. I shrank away from him. 'He lied to you. He lied to
you,' I thought to myself. I pushed my chest out and jutted out my jaw in utter
defiance.
''Are you deaf, brother? I told you to FUCK OFF!'' I screamed at the top of my
lungs. This was it. His lies were about to be revealed. There was no way he
could ever defend this now, was there? With a cruel look marring my face, I
procured the scrapbook from behind my back. ''Who's Abdul?'' I questioned with
a hint of sarcasm. ''Huh? Not so high and mighty now, are you, my dear brother?
Come on then, you're always so brave! Tell me who he is!''
Assef blanched. He stepped towards me, his hand outstretched. He could not hide
the nervous twitch in his eyes as I dashed away from him, waving the book high
over my head. I felt myself tremble with pure anger, and hatred. My brother
clenched one fist, the other hand still stretched out for the book I had now
taken from him. ''Give me that scrapbook, Saria. Now, please.''
I shook my head. I would notlet this go. The emotional pain that my brother had
put me through was all too visceral to just let slide. Did he honestly think he
could keep something as serious as this from me. Huh? Did he? ''No. You lied to
me. You kept this from me. I thought we trusted each other. You saw me kill a
person.'' I shook my head. ''You will tell me who Abdul is.'' I clenched my
fists by my sides. "You disgusting, pathetic excuse for a brother. HOW DARE YOU
PLAY ME FOR A FOOL!" I roared.
Assef struggled to find the words to say. He took a deep breath. His voice
became slightly more gentle, yet I could still hear the fury that dripped off
his tongue. ''Give me that scrapbook, Saria. I'm not messing around any more.
You are getting on my very last nerve. Hand the fucking thing over and let this
be an end to your disobedience.''
''Disobedient, am I? Well you're not getting this back, Assef. You lied to me.
You lied to me all these years. So excuse me for being a bit pissed at you.''
Assef grabbed the edge of the scrap book. ''I'm not playing any more. You have
no idea the trouble you're in. No idea. You'll be fucking lucky if I ever speak
to you again. How dare you go through my things without permission? How dare
you?'' He tugged on the book. I tugged back just as viciously.
''You lied to me!'' I repeated again, clutching the scrapbook for dear life.
''You lied to me! How dare you?'' I stomped my foot again. Assef pulled the
scrapbook again, as it suddenly began to rip. Pages flew through the air and
landed strewn all over the floor.
''No!'' Assef moaned, falling to his knees. He scrabbled about like a blind man
trying to gather the photographs. He eventually managed to gather them into one
pile and placed them on his bed.
''I'm sorry, Assef,'' I said in a timid little voice. ''I didn't mean to...'' I
was cut off as he violently shoved me to the ground. I landed on my side. White
hot pain enveloped me as I felt one of my ribs crack. WHAM! Assef nailed me on
the jaw with his closed fist. The entire room spun upside down and my being, my
soul, was numb. I let out a shriek of pain and terror.
My brother had never lashed out at me before. Never.I lay there, stunned from
the force of the blow. Honestly, I felt sick. Assef's eyes became as wide as
saucers. He shook his head, as if trying to clear the memory of his violent
assault on his little sister. It took me a few moments to stagger to my feet. I
could feel blood pouring from the gash my brother had left on the side of my
head. Assef reached out to take my hand, but I elbowed my way past him.
"Sister, please, you know I would never..." he tried to plead with me, but I
pushed him over. He was not expecting my outburst, and landed flat on his ass.
He clasped his hands out in front of him, as though in prayer, his eyes shining
with guilt and remorse. I felt a sob burst forth from the depths of my chest
and, despite my best efforts, I could not stop it.
"Leave me alone. LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed at my brother as I wrenched open
the door to his room, and staggered out into the hall. I raced into my bedroom,
and shut the door behind me. With a feral scream of pain, I collapsed to my
knees, bowing my head onto the white carpet and sobbing uncontrollably. 'Fuck,
he busted my head open!' I thought. Tears streamed down my face. Most people
would expect to be hit if their brother was a psychopath, but this was a huge
shock to me. I never knew Assef had it in him to be so vicious towards me, to
his Saria. The only person in the world he claimed to love.
As I sobbed on the floor, I barely noticed Assef open the door and come into
the room. His breath hitched as he approached me. Whipping around, I gulped in
fear, and scurried away, pressing my body up against a wall. Tears fell
liberally from my eyes. Well, could you blame me for acting this way? Assef had
the most remorseful, heartbroken look on his face. It was as if somebody had
ripped his heart out and stamped upon it. He made his way over to me, and knelt
down. His blue eyes surveyed the gash on my forehead.
"Come here, Saria. Please." He tentatively placed a hand on my shoulder. He
tilted his head back and exhaled deeply. My lip quivered. Perhaps I was afraid
my brother would lash out again, or maybe I just needed the comfort, but,
against my better judgement, I crawled into Assef's open arms. Pulling a
handkerchief from his pocket, he began to clean up the wound from my head. I
winced as he applied pressure to the gash. "Oh God.." Assef murmured,
devastated by what he had done.
He gently wiped the blood off my face. "I'm so sorry I punched you, kiddo. I
was just so angry when I found out you were in my room without permission."
Assef gently kissed my forehead. "You needed to believe me, little sister, I
will neverlash out at you like that again. Never." He placed a hand on my back
and rubbed circles into it. He lifted my chin and looked deep into my eyes.
"Please forgive me, Saria."
"I-I just got so mad because you lied to me. Siblings don't keep secrets from
one another," I stuttered.
Assef pressed the cloth against my head, and winced empathically at the blood
left on the handkerchief. "Look at what I did to you, my sister." His voice
broke on the last word. "I love you, kiddo. You know that, don't you?" I
glanced up at him. The look in his eyes told me he was telling the absolute
truth. I would believe my beloved brother on anything. I trusted Assef and I
knew that he would never hit me again. We had each other, we were a team, a
family.
"I'm sorry that I went through your things without asking, Assef and I'm sorry
I messed up your s-scrapbook, and I'm sorry I pestered you for answers," I
sobbed uncontrollably, barely able to get the words out.
Assef shushed me, rubbing my back and stroking my hair. "Don't make excuses for
me, sister. I hit you. I hurtyou. No matter what you did, nothing justifies
that. Nothing. I had no right to hurt you. Not you, not my sister. Besides," he
choked out a half-laugh, half-sob. "You were right. You have every right to
know who Abdul was and I was wrong to keep it from you. You're old enough now
to be told." He picked me up off the floor and carried me over to the bed. I
sat down on his knee.
"Yes, you did have another brother. He was born when I was about one or two. I
don't remember, actually. It was that long ago." Assef gently brushed a lock of
blonde hair behind my ear. "His name was Abdul and I loved that little boy.
More so than I ever loved Mother or Father. Well, you know how they are; they
just left us alone with Haliram so much. It really got on my fucking nerves."
"Who's Haliram?" I asked.
"Sorry, you wouldn't have met her. She's Hamilra's mother. Got fired before you
were born. I hope she fucking dies!" Assef squeezed my hand. "Haliram always
left the fucking back door unlocked, which, as you can imagine, I had no
complaints about as a child! Abdul and I used to play by the pool all day long,
and then." I tensed, already seeing where this story was going.
"I was four when Abdul… when he… We were playing hide and seek, Saria. Just
playing! I hid behind a potted plant, and I could see him running to find me,
laughing his little head of, he was. I… he was only two, he couldn't walk
properly yet. He slipped and fell in the pool. There was so much blood, kiddo,
you can't even imagine." I began crying for my poor lost brother.
"Oh, God," I lamented.
"Saria, Abdul died in the hospital four hours later. I was there when they told
our parents. I thought Mother was going to keel over and die right in front of
me. She just screamed, screamed like the whole world had been destroyed. I
could tell she blamed me for it. That I should have taken better care of him. I
wasn't being a responsible big brother."
"You're a great brother," I said and in my heart I knew my words were true.
"After I fucking beat you…" he lamented. I placed my head against his chest.
"Water under the bridge," I repeated Assef's mantra.
"I kept that scrapbook because, well, because.. Abdul was my brother. Our
brother. I loved him." Assef took my hands and made me look into his eyes.
"I need you to hear me, kiddo. When you were born, I… well I never felt
anything like it. I loved you from the very moment Father placed you in my
arms. You are the most important thing in my life, and the only person I love.
Do you understand this? Abdul is just a memory for me now, a painful memory,
but a memory all the same." He stroked my bruised jaw and examined the gash on
my forehead once again. Despite being superficial, it was still bleeding.
"You are my best friend, kiddo. I love you. I'm so sorry for hitting you," he
repeated over and over.
"I forgive you," I murmured. "I love you too. You're my best friend too. You
just understand me in a way nobody else ever did, or ever will." I sniffled.
"You're everything I've ever wanted to be."
"You're so sweet to say that, kiddo." Assef lifted me off his lap. "Lie down
and try to sleep, or something. Okay? You need to rest."
"My side hurts. I think you cracked one of my ribs."
The entire color drained from Assef's face. His eyes widened. "Oh, Saria. Oh
God, kiddo. I'm sorry. Come here and let me look." I lifted my dress.
Fortunately, my ribs did not actually seem to be cracked, just badly bruised.
Assef helped me into bed and stroked my hair. "Shh, you just sleep now, sister.
Okay? Mother and Father are away, it's just you and me. Okay? Shh now, you need
to sleep." I grabbed his hand.
"C-Can I stay with you tonight?" I asked.
"Of course, kiddo. Of course you can. You just take a nice long rest now. I
love you, Saria Ahmed. I love you." Assef leaned down and gently kissed my
forehead.
"Love… you… too…" I said as I closed my eyes.
No matter what happens, I loved my brother and we had each other… We would
always have each other…
***** Holiday from Hell *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria and Assef got into a violent altercation
     when she snooped around in his room without permission. She soon
     found out that she had another brother named Abdul who unfortunately
     passed away before she was born.. Now, a week has passed and we find
     her getting ready to go on holiday to Pakistan...
''Pain in the ass, Hazara cunt. Why couldn't you fold things properly!'' I
moaned to myself as I tossed a heap of dresses and pinafores on the floor.
They made no sound as they hit the carpet. I knelt down and began to reorganise
them into neat piles. ''God forbid if she were to tidy up!'' I groaned as I
placed the clothes back in my large pink suitcase. Humming some old Farsi song,
I sat down at my vanity desk and began dragging a brush through my mess of
hair. If only I hadn't fucked around with curling it the last night, it
wouldn't be so matted. I glanced down at the pathetic green ribbons lying
before me. A reminder of the purity and innocence that I was supposed to
portray constantly.
Mama and Papa waited impatiently for me downstairs. Their footsteps clattered
noisily against the wooden floor as they prepared for the big day ahead. I ran
the brush through the ends of my hair. Splitting it into two bunches, I
fastened the green ribbons on either side. I stood up and smoothed down the
front of the ruffled cream disaster that I had chosen to wear today. I pinched
the sides and dipped myself a low curtsy in the mirror. ''You look so pretty,''
I complimented myself. ''Who's a pretty girl, eh?'' I fixed my grimace into a
warm smile, cracking my knuckles in anticipation. Every moment I had to wait
seemed like an awful eternity.
I just wanted to get it over with. Today was a day that I truly dreaded. We,
that is, myself, brother and parents, would be going to spend the week in
Pakistan with Mama's sister, Stella, her husband, Shareem, and their seventeen
year old son, Fahrsan. The last time I met my aunt, I had been six years old,
but I still remembered her vividly. She was a small, bird like woman, who spat
sometimes when she talked. She suffered from pain in her joints, and often had
to take painkillers. Her husband was possibly the most overweight person that I
had ever met.
He often referred to himself as ''the teddy bear.'' I almost had to stop myself
gagging as I thought about their son. When my cousin was a baby, his mother had
accidentally spilled boiling hot water on his face. Because of this, he had
been left with severe third degree burns. Doctors had to make skin grafts from
his thighs in order to fix it, make him look somewhat presentable. Not that it
had done much good in that respect anyway. ''SARIA!'' Papa roared up the
stairs. ''Saria, come on, we gotta go!''
''Fuck you, Papa, fuck you, you fucking wanker!'' I muttered in anger, wishing
I could scream it in his ear. I angrily punched my suitcase in frustration.
''Stupid cunts!'' I berated my parents. Again, Papa roared at me to come down
the stairs. ''I'm coming!'' I shouted back. ''Please give me one moment!'' I
took one last glance at myself in the mirror. I slowly closed the door behind
and trudged across the landing to meet my parents. They seemed on edge as I
approached them. ''I'm ready to go now.'' I called as I made my way to the top
of the stairs. Both turned around to see me walking down the stairs towards
them.
The suitcase clattered noisily behind me. ''Wow, uh, woah, you really dressed
up for our visit, haven't you?'' Papa said, holding out his arms for the
suitcase. ''Let me take that for you, darling,'' he offered.
''Why, thank you, Papa,'' I said politely. I skipped down the rest of the
steps. With a perpetual smile gracing my lips, I made my way to the front door.
''Saria, wait!'' Mama called after me. I stopped. ''Your coat,'' she explained,
holding the beige coat out to me. I nodded and slipped it on. My brother stood
at the door, arms folded across his chest. He extended his hand to me, smiling
warmly. Reaching out, I placed my tiny hand in his and exhaled in anticipation.
''Hokey kokey!'' Papa exclaimed loudly. ''Let's go, darlings!'' he hummed
loudly in utter excitement as we followed him to the car. I was still holding
onto Assef's hand tightly as we trudged across the gravel.
''Sit in next to your brother, Saria,'' Mama ordered. 'Where else am I going to
sit, you dumb bitch?' I thought to myself. She was kind enough to open the door
for me. I slid into the car and buckled myself in. Assef climbed in beside me.
He leaned across the seats and gently kissed the top of my head.
''All set, kiddo?'' he asked. I nodded. ''I'm so excited!'' I giggled. I
covered my hands with my mouth in a false display of delight. Mama hurriedly
climbed into her seat. She seemed elated at the prospect of seeing her sister
again. Who could blame her for that? If I hadn't seen Assef in years I'd miss
him like hell! Such a thought didn't even deserve to be entertained in my mind!
Papa grinned as he started the engine. ''Let's go!'' He clapped once. The car
roared noisily to life as we reversed out the driveway. I turned around,
watching as our home faded into the distance.
''No school for a week, how does that sound, kiddo?'' Assef asked.
''It sounds absolutely wonderful, Assef.'' I beamed at him. He returned the
gesture, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. No doubt he knew how tedious this
week would be for me. The false smiles, the constant politeness. The thought of
having to look into Fahrsan's hideous face, be touched by him. It was all too
much for one little girl to handle.
At least I had my beloved brother there to go through it all with me. At least
I wouldn't be alone. I could be thankful for that. The journey from Kabul to
Islamabad would take us approximately nine hours by car. Why in God's name we
weren't flying I genuinely did not know! It was now about two o clock in the
afternoon and we would be arriving in Islamabad at around eleven in the same
night. With the allowance of bathroom breaks, that is.
I turned my head away and stared periodically out the window, watching the
houses as we passed them by. I was quite surprised to see my bitch playing
outside with some of her dolls. She didn't even notice me as she was so
engrossed in her play. I tapped on the window as the car drove closer to her
front garden. Adia looked up, her eyes widening in fright as she seen me. I
smirked maliciously at her. She instantly leapt to her feet and raced back
inside the house. The pathetic dolls lay forgotten in the grass. Adia stole one
final glance at our passing car before slamming the door behind her.
I rested my chin on my hands, tracing pictures of flowers and sunshine. All
lies, of course. I itched to trace something more violent and malevolent. Oh
how I longed to draw out my sick fantasies with Ahtrai. To sketch her with her
intestines gutted out, hanging by her brains from rafters. What would my
parents say if they found their sweet Saria tracing such things on their car
window? Surely they would be appalled. My fingers traced the outline of a clear
flower. ''That's a pretty flower, Saria.'' Papa complimented as he looked back
at me in the rear view mirror. I felt myself blush and ducked my head away in a
false display of shyness.
''Thank you,'' I said.
Mama turned around to look at the both of us. ''Are you both okay? You don't
need the bathroom, do you?''
''No thank you. We're both fine.'' She smiled and turned back around. We were
just coming to a cross-road when Mama slammed her palms onto the glove
compartment. ''Oh for goodness sake. No!'' she moaned.
''What is it, Mama?'' I asked in false concern.
She ignored me and rounded on my brother. ''Your blue coat, Assef! You forgot
to pack it. This is what happens when I don't remind you to do these things.''
Assef rolled his eyes. ''Not a problem, Mother. I have my orange one, don't
I?''
She sighed and turned back around. ''Assef, don't forget anything when we're
with your cousin. It's going to look bad.''
''Cunt,'' Assef mouthed at me. I giggled under my palm. The rest of the hours
passed by in total silence. I doubt that any of us were in the mood to speak to
each other. The tension that always existed when our parents were with their
son was palatable. It was now about half past nine at night.
Where did those hours go? The sky was now dark with stars illuminating our
drive. I rubbed my eyes with my fists. ''You tired, sweetums?'' Papa asked.
''M-maybe a little.'' I murmured. My eyes rolled back into my head as I
struggled to stay awake. Assef unbuckled his seatbelt and slid over next to me.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. I yawned and shut my
eyes.
''You try to sleep, kiddo and we'll be there before you know it. I'll carry you
if you're asleep when we get to the house. Okay?'' I nodded and nuzzled into
his chest. Assef rubbed circles into my back as my breathing grew deep and
laboured. The only sounds in the car were my soft snores. Soon, I drifted off
into slumber...
''We're here, kiddo. Come on.'' I only moaned in response. ''Caa, jan, up you
get.'' I felt Assef's hands under my knees as he lifted me out of the car. I
wrapped my arms around his neck. I weighed only about 80 pounds or so and was
easy for him to carry. I could briefly hear the sound of footsteps as my aunt
and cousin came down to open the door. I was in no mood to exchange
pleasantries however and instantly recoiled when I felt Fahrsan's hand on my
face.
''Here's our sleeping beauty,'' he said, grinning widely. ''Let me take her
from you, Assef jan. Come on, pumpkin. Up to your cousin.'' I whimpered and
clung tighter to Assef.
''Don't.. No.. Assef..'' I muttered.
''It's alright, kiddo. I got ya. Let me carry her, Fahrsan. Okay? She's tired
and I want to get her inside before she freezes.'' Assef carried me into the
house and set me down on my feet.
''Let's get you up to beddy-byes, little one,'' Stella said, as she placed her
hand on my back. I grumbled at being spoke to like a two year old. She took my
hand and began leading me up the stairs. The house was dimly lit. ''You'll
being staying with your brother for the week. We thought you'd like that. How
does that sound?''
''Perfect,'' I mumbled sleepily. Assef smiled down at me. I took his hand and
looked up at him. ''My nightie...''
''In your suitcase. I'll get it out for you.'' As we reached the top step, I
found myself being dragged away from my brother and lifted a few feet off the
ground.
''Whaaa?'' I moaned in protest. Through my sleep-filled eyes I could vaguely
make out the broad shoulders of my uncle Shareem.
''Poor little thing, she must be so tired. You should have come earlier,
Mahmood.'' I struggled against my uncle as he carried me down the long hallway.
I grumbled loudly. What the adults in the room saw as a sweet little girl who
was overtired was actually a girl who wished she could stick a knife into her
fat, jolly uncle's eyes. I didn't want his disgustingly large hands on me.
In fact, the only person I ever wanted to touch me was Assef. But I don't need
to say more in regards to that, do I? Shareem kicked open the door to a small
bedroom. It smelled of dog feces or something like that. I almost gagged in
disgust. Shareem lay me gently down on the bed. He knelt down and took off my
shoes. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. ''I'll take care of her now, Kaka jan,''
Assef said, laying my long pink and white rosebud nightie out for me on the
bed. He reached over and helped me unhook the clasp of my dress. Shareem
reached over, running his fingers through my brother's blond hair.
"I guess we'll see you both in the morning.'' I noticed Stella give Mama a big
sloppy kiss on the cheek. They both stood laughing with their arms around each
other.
''Goodnight, and don't let the bedbugs bite,'' Fahrsan teased us as he shut the
door behind him.
''I'm going to get changed in the bathroom. Okay, kiddo?'' I nodded sleepily.
''Kay,'' I said. The dress lay in a crumpled heap on the floor after I had
changed into my nightgown. I slid into one of the two single beds and pulled
the covers up over myself. Assef came back and gently clicked the light switch.
The room was now shrouded in darkness.
''Goodnight, kiddo. I love you. Sweet dreams.''
''Thank you. I love you too. I'll see you in the morning.'' I reached out
across the sheet and took my brother's hand. ''I'm glad y-you're here with me.
We'll show Fahrsan his place,'' I mumbled.
Assef grinned. ''Yeah, we will.''
The next morning soon came and I found myself rudely awaken by my cousin. He
stood in front of me, grinning like the idiot he was. ''Good morning, little
one,'' he teased. ''Morning...'' I sat up, running my fingers through my hair.
''Did you sleep well?'' he asked.
God how I loathed this hideous monster. ''Yes, thank you.'' I swung myself up
and out of bed. As my feet hit the floor, I flexed my toes back and forth in
the fading yellow carpet.
''Come on down for breakfast,'' Fahrsan said.
''Yes, well, give me a few minutes to get dressed and I'll be right there.
Promise.'' I beamed at him. Wishing I could smash his ugly fucking face right
in. Fahrsan chortled, jolting out down the hall.
I pulled on a plaid pinafore and fixed my hair with a black head band, complete
with large red bow. I smiled as I bounced down the stairs. The first thing I
noticed about their kitchen was how considerably larger it was then ours.
'Needs to be large to fit my fat cunt of an uncle,' I thought to myself. I
slapped my knees and doubled over laughing. My family turned to me.
Shareem grinned stupidly. ''Such a happy little darling,'' he laughed at my
enthusiasm.
"Well, that's because I've got all week to spend time with my family,'' I lied
through my teeth. Bending my knees, I extended the hem of my dress. ''It's a
pleasure and blessing to be here with all of you.'' I said, clapping my hands
under my chin. The foolish adults surrounding me all oohed and ahhed at my
sweetness and demure demeanour. I took a seat next to my brother. He wrapped
his arm around my shoulder and squeezed me tight.
''Hey, kiddo, sleep well?'' I nodded.
''Yeah,'' I said. I chewed my food slowly and methodically. Stella gently
brushed a lock of hair back behind my ear. 'Hands off me, bitch!' I thought to
myself.
''How do you like your room, sweetie?'' she asked.
''It's just perfect, Khala Stella. Just perfect.'' I squeezed her hand tightly.
''I feel so welcome and I've only just got here.'' I quipped. Suddenly, a small
German Sheppard puppy bounded into the room. He yapped delightedly and jumped
into Fahrsan's open arms.
''Hello, Mr. Cuddles, who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?'' he cooed in a baby
voice.
''Didn't know you had a dog,'' Assef mused.
''No, he's not ours. His owner, my best friend, he's away, and his family want
me to look after his puppy for a while.'' Fahrsan held the stupidly named Mr.
Cuddles out to Assef. ''I'll let you pet him, Saria, but it's best if your big
brother holds him. We don't want him getting frightened. Here you go, Assef.''
Assef placed the happy barking pup on his knee. ''Hello, uh, Mr. Cuddles, um,
good dog,'' Assef said, trying not to laugh. He awkwardly patted the dogs head.
''Aww, I think he likes you!'' Fahrsan cooed. I had a huge smile on my face as
I petted Mr. Cuddles. The puppy would be very useful tool for venting both mine
and my brother's frustrations. The big ball of fluff licked my cheek excitedly.
''Hehe, he really likes me! Oh, he's just so cute! I want a doggy, Mama,
Papa!'' I knelt down in front of my brother and wrapped my arm around Mr.
Cuddle's neck.
''He must really, really like you two,'' Shareem said happily. His delight was
evident as he clasped his hands and beamed at Assef. ''Okay, Assef, give him
back to Fahrsan. Fahrsan, you better feed him.''
''Yes, Father.'' Fahrsan reached over and picked Mr. Cuddles -seriously, what
kind of name is that? - off Assef's lap.
''Here you go, Mr. Cuddles, you can play with Assef and Saria later. You'd like
that, yes? Yes, you would! Yes, you would!'' He kissed the dog's head. ''You
love Assef and Saria, don't you?'' He gently let the pup down.
''What would you like to do today, guys?'' Stella asked. She placed a hand on
my hair. It took all I had not to crack her across the face. I smiled as
genuinely as I could.
''Well I don't know,'' I grinned.
''There's a little park just over the road from us. With a lake and an old
swing set, and slide. I could take Saria over there, if she wants,'' Fahrsan
offered.
I nodded. ''Can Assef come too?'' I asked.
''Of course. We'll all go together. All the cousins together.'' I grinned and
bounced up and down on my seat. This elicited a laugh from everyone in the
room. I was playing these fools like instruments in an orchestra. I knew how to
make them dance to my tune. The atmosphere in the room was light and happy.
Something I knew Assef and I would change, within a mere few hours of being
alone with Fahrsan. ''When, when can we go?'' I asked.
''As soon as you wash your face, brush your teeth and get a coat on.'' My
hideous cousin squeezed my shoulder. From this close proximity I could see
every crinkled line of his skin grafts. They disgusted me. I leaned back and
smiled at him. The monster returned the gesture.
''Go and get your coat on, kiddo,'' Assef said, placing his hand on my shoulder
and ushering me out of the room. I knew he was trying to keep me as far away
from Fahrsan as possible, and I was grateful to him for it.
''Okay!'' I grinned. I skipped off up the stairs, two at a time. Stepping into
the room I was to share with my brother, I was overwhelmed by the smell. My
eyes began watering as I shut the door behind me. I covered my mouth with my
hands, and sat down on the bed. ''Digusting pigs, did the dog shit in here or
what?'' I asked aloud.
The stench was horrid. I ran over to the window and fumbled with the latch. The
fresh air from the wind hit my face, and I sighed in relief. ''Now that's
somewhat better.'' I concluded. I hurried to my suitcase and pulled out a large
black overcoat. I slipped it on and buttoned it up.
Assef walked into the room, and gagged at the stench. ''Fucking hell, kiddo,
who's body did you hide in here?'' he teased.
''I think the dog took a crap in here or something. Stupid cunts should have
cleaned up before we came.'' I punched the pillow in frustration.
''That dog would make good heat under a bonfire, don't you think? Or we could
play with him some night before we go to bed? Help you wind down, huh, kiddo?''
Assef ruffled my hair.
''Can we kill the dog sometime?'' I asked bluntly. ''I mean, if we can get away
with it.''
''Of course we'll get away with it, Saria. You know, I have a feeling that poor
Mr. Cuddle's going to get into a little accident.'' My brother could hardly say
the name with a straight face.
''Really? Yay!'' I bounced up and down excitedly.
''Yep, that's right. Now, come on, let's get downstairs.'' Assef took my hand
and squeezed it reassuringly. We both walked down the stairs, where Fahrsan
waited for us by the door. I had to stop myself from retching when he kissed my
cheek. 'God I just fucking washed!' I thought to myself.
''Hold hands when you're crossing the road!'' Shareem warned. He put a hand on
my shoulder and beamed down at me. Without saying a word I pushed past my
uncle. I wouldn't tolerate his large beefy hands on me for any reason. The air
was full of tension as we made our way outside.
''There's only one road we have to cross but it's very busy, so we need to be
extra careful.'' Fahrsan took my hand and began leading me down the road. He
seemed so excited to be spending time with us.
It was a heartwarming experience for him. Something that I knew neither Assef
nor myself would share in. Assef came up behind us and grabbed my other hand. I
giggled loudly and swung back and forth between the two of them. I pulled away
from Fahrsan and wrapped my arm around Assef's waist. He began speaking to me
in German. ''I don't want that disgusting cunt putting his hands on you. Why
can't he just leave us both alone?'' he asked.
''Don't you worry, Assef, we'll get him to leave us alone. All in due time. A
pillow over the head will do the trick. Although I might need your help to hold
him down.'' I teased back. Fahrsan looked on at us in confusion. Stella hadn't
taught her son German the way Mama had taught us.
In all honesty, I doubt our aunt even remembered speaking German. She and Mama
had both moved to Afghanistan as ten year olds. Only Mama retained her heritage
and knowledge of the language. Something I was forever grateful to her for.
''What are you two talking about?'' Fahrsan asked.
''I was just agreeing with Saria on how great it is to see you again,'' Assef
lied. I nodded silently, grinning. What Fahrsan saw as a smile of unbridled,
innocent joy was nothing short of pure malice. We reached the end of the road
and a large bus sped past us. Fahrsan pushed me back with such force that I
would have fallen flat on my ass had Assef not caught my arm and steadied me.
''Be careful there, Fahrsan,'' he warned.
''Yes, yes, careful, well, that's something we all need to be crossing this
road.'' He retorted back. I had to admire his bravery; being a smart ass to a
murderer and rapist. Guess he just didn't know how serious we were about
putting him in his place.
''But we will be careful, Fahrsan. Promise,'' I said. I grabbed his hand again
to reiterate my point. We crossed over without any problems. I skipped on
ahead. ''You and I used to love this place as children.'' I could hear Fahrsan
telling Assef. Assef just grunted in reply and rolled his eyes. ''I remember
the last time you came up here. I was nine and you were eight. And our little
kiddo here was only three.''
He grinned at me. I very nearly frowned at him. I wasn't ''his kiddo''. As I
continuously keep saying, I didn't like anybody calling me that. That had been
Assef's nickname for me since I was a fucking baby.He'd said it when I first
clapped my hands.
''Good girl, kiddo. Mommy, look at Saria clapping.'' Of course, Mama had
ignored him, but the name stuck. Hearing other people call me that really got
on my last nerve.
''Everything okay, kiddo?'' Assef asked. He knew exactly what was annoying me.
Sometimes we could just read each other's minds. I nodded. We walked in total
silence until we reached a small bank, overlooking a lake.
There was a swing set and slide next to a large tree. Beautiful flowers spread
out in a splash of colours in front of us. I dropped Assef's hand and sped off
running. I laughed loudly as I stomped through the flowers towards the tree.
All thoughts of the negative forgotten, I climbed to the top of the slide.
''Watch me!'' I called in childish joy, as I sat down. ''Watch me, Assef jan.
WATCH ME!'' I screeched down to him.
''I'm watching, kiddo. Go on.'' I slid down onto the grass below. Fahrsan
laughed in delight. This moment was something I knew he waited years to share
in. To have his sweet little cousin Saria to play with. Who could blame him for
that? I got to spend time with my favourite person on this Earth too.
''Come catch me, brother!'' I called, and took off into the rushes, my arms
swinging wildly by my sides. Assef laughed and sped after me. I was able to
outrun him (possibly because he was letting me) as I giggled in joy. Fahrsan
sat by, ignored. Assef chased me around the lake. I laughed loudly.
Time passes by so fast when you're having fun with loved ones. Eventually, I
allowed Assef to catch me. He picked me up in his arms and twirled me around. I
took his hand led him back to the swings. ''Push me?'' I asked innocently.
''My pleasure,'' Assef gripped the edge of the swing. ''How high, kiddo?''
''Um, uh, up to the SKY!'' I shouted, spreading my arms out. ''No, the moon!''
I giggled. Yes, I was acting like a little kid but sometimes my brother brought
out that side of me. Besides, I had to play innocent for Fahrsan.
''Righto, one trip to the moon coming up. One, two..'' '
''THREE!'' I screeched in joy as Assef let the swing go and I swung through the
air, kicking my legs back and forth. This truly was a magical moment for me.
Who could believe two people known for their violent sides could be so gentle
and loving with each other? Fahrsan wrapped his arms around his torso.
''Hey, can I join in the fun?'' he asked. Assef and I both looked at each
other. There would be plenty of time for us to wreak havoc on him sooner or
later. All in due time. What harm was there in letting him join our fun? Pretty
soon he'd be begging to get out of our game.
''Okay, Fahrsan. Come and push me!'' I called out to him. He pushed me gently,
so slowly I could have died of boredom. I swung my legs back and forth in the
dirt. ''Higher! HIGHER!'' I begged.
Fahrsan shook his head. ''No, sweetie. That's dangerous. Let's not do that.'' I
inhaled deeply.
''Have some fun for a change, Fahrsan,'' Assef teased, grabbing the ropes. He
pushed me high into the air. Fahrsan gasped.
''Assef, be careful!'' he snapped.
Assef turned. ''I'm being careful. I won't let anything happen to her.''
''No harm, no foul,'' I said with a smile. I knew there would be harm and foul
someday, and he would likely be part of it. I hopped down from the swing.
''What else is there to play here?'' I asked. I ran in the direction of the
lake.
''No, NO! Stay away from there! God forbid if you fall in! Stay away!'' the
disgusting Fahrsan shouted. It was very frustrating for me to spoken to like a
toddler. Rolling my eyes, I turned back and skipped into my brother's arms. He
squeezed me tightly and gently kissed my hair.
Fahrsan placed his hand on my shoulder and rubbed up and down my arm. I smiled
shyly, masking my disgust. The monster grinned and tickled me under the chin. I
giggled childishly. This was just another one of those false displays of
kindness that I had learned to play to perfection. The psychopath being the
innocent. Assef ran his fingers over my scalp. A few drops of rain fell from
the clear sky.
''Oh, shoot!'' Fahrsan ''swore''. He seemed disappointed that his fun had to
end so soon. ''We'd better get back before the downpour.'' He began ushering me
in the direction of the road. I stumbled along as he pushed me.
''Keep this up, pal, and you'll end up drowned in the lake you fear so much,''
I muttered in German.
''Huh?'' The clueless cunt asked, looking down at me with a smile.
''I said I hate the rain,'' I replied.
''Who doesn't?'' Fahrsan chuckled back. He ruffled my hair. We made our way
back to the house. My brother slung an arm over my shoulder. I smiled at him.
The first genuine smile in the afternoon. The rain was now coming down in
buckets. We hurried inside the house.
''Thank God you're all in before the rain,'' Stella said.
''Well, you know I wouldn't let Saria get wet, Khala jan,'' Assef said. Fahrsan
hung his head in disappointment that the day had to end so soon.
''And it's only two in the afternoon,'' Fahrsan muttered in despondency. The
mood was wrought with negativity. Nobody wanted to be cooped up inside, and who
could blame them? I rested my head up against Assef's legs.
''Will we go upstairs?'' he asked. ''Come on, you need to tidy your clothes
away.''
''Ohhh, come on,'' I groaned. ''Really?''
''Come with me, kiddo. Upstairs.'' Assef ushered me up the staircase. I knew
full well his intentions were to get me away from our family. We just needed a
few hours alone time together. Could you blame us for that? I led my brother
into the foul-stinking room we were to share together. I flopped down onto the
bed face down. The open window had done little to quench the smell. I almost
gagged in disgust.
''You probably should pack away your clothes,'' Assef said. I looked up at him.
''I don't want there to be a smell on my dresses,'' I said, glowering in the
direction of the wardrobe. ''You know what, Assef? I bet something did die in
there.'' The sight that met us when I opened the door was overwhelming. There,
infested with maggots, was a small baby bird. It had clearly died a few months
ago, as it's body was decaying. Its wing was wrapped in a weird kind of
bandage.
I knelt down and touched it's head. ''Don't touch it, kiddo!'' Assef pulled me
back. ''It's disgusting. Come away.'' I covered my mouth and retched.
''I think I'm going to get sick.'' No, I wasn't ''going soft''. I felt nothing
for the dead bird. Hopefully it suffered before it died. But the stench was
just.. I can't even describe it.
''This is absolutely... I mean... I don't... Who the fuck would leave a dead
bird in here? Stupid fucking cunts. Come with me, kiddo. We're going to give
those freaks a piece of our minds.'' He grabbed my hand and dragged me down the
stairs.
''The bird, Assef?''
''The bird's not going anywhere, Saria.'' I could sense the anger in my
brother's voice. The fury at someone doing so disgusting in his sister's
presence. I lowered my eyes and turned on the tears as we entered the kitchen.
My emotions were switched on and off like a light.
''What's wrong, son?'' Papa asked concerned.
''Anyone care to explain the dead bird in our room,'' he retorted. I sniffled
loudly. Fahrsan's face went bright red.
''What dead bird, Assef?'' he asked nervously, his voice shooting up a few
octaves. I answered Fahrsan.
''There's a dead baby bird in the wardrobe. It's c-covered in m maggots.''
Mama gasped. ''Show us!'' In single file we trekked up the stairs. Fahrsan was
shaking with terror. We entered the room and Assef pushed the bird out for all
to see.
''Oh my goodness!'' Mama exclaimed.
''Care to explain, Fahrsan?'' Stella snapped.
Fahrsan could not hide his guilt. He squeezed his eyes shut as he began
speaking. ''Um, uh, I found this bird with a broken wing a few months ago. I
tried to care for it but, er, it died. A month ago.''
''So you just decided to shove it in here to rot!'' Shareem snarled. He was
really laying into his son. ''I wanted to do something nice, Father. Just
wanted to show you how responsible I am.'' Shareem angrily kicked the door.
''I'm disgusted by you!'' Stella hissed.
''Your cousins are here as our guests and you let them stay in a room like
this. You make me SO ASHAMED!'' Shareem cracked his son across the face. The
mood was somber. Just how I liked it. The arguing was music to my ears.
''How dare you?'' Shareem scolded. He picked up the bird and wrapped it in
plastic bag.
''I know you were just trying to help, but you do notleave animals there to
die. You are despicable!'' Stella growled. She slapped his hand hard. I bent my
head, feigning sympathy and hurt.
''Apologize to Assef and Saria,'' Shareem ordered.
''I apologise for my despicable behaviour. Please forgive me.'' We didn't
respond.
''You're going to clean this entire room from from top to bottom, and I expect
it to be perfect. I'm so disappointed in you.'' With that being said, we left
the room. The look of shame on Fahrsan's face was priceless. Only here one day
and already we're calling the shots. Family time, how I love it...
***** Raising Hell *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria went to Pakistan where she was reunited
     with her cousin Fahrsan, who she hadn't seen in years. She was later
     disgusted to learn that Fahrsan left a dead bird hidden in the
     wardrobe. Now we find the week is halfway through as a surprise from
     her uncle gives Saria ample time to cause pain and misery once
     again...
''Fucking zipper!'' I swore as I struggled to get into my pleated pink dress.
Getting prettied up was such a tedious chore for me. I wished I could just
throw on any old thing and just go. The game had to be played irregardless of
my own comfort. It was a most beautiful day outside, and I had managed to sleep
well in the now spick and span room Assef and I shared. I looked at myself in
the mirror and yanked hard at my zip. ''Come on! It's going to fucking break
soon!'' I hissed. Giving it one large pull, I overbalanced and fell flat on my
face. My head took a right crack as I landed on the floor. A sharp pain shot
through my entire body. I began crying piteously. I had hit my head on a nail
that was sticking out of the floor.
Why the fuck Fahrsan hadn't dealt with that I had no idea. I dabbed at my
temple. ''Saria, are you coming down, sweetheart?'' Stella asked. My ears were
ringing; I could barely make out what she was saying. I didn't answer her.
'Ugh, my head... Go away you stupid bitch!' I thought to myself. I rubbed at my
head as I curled up in a ball. I touched my temple. Blood.
''FUCK! I busted my head open!'' I swore. I sat up on my knees and hunched
forward, holding my throbbing wound. I managed to get to the bed and sat down,
bending over and grumbling with pain.
''Are you coming down to us?'' Stella called again. I almost wanted to spit in
her mouth and tell her to taste it! The dumbass was really getting on my last
nerve. I had to steel myself before I answered her.
''Almost ready, Khala.'' I couldn't let the mask slip for any reason. Grabbing
an old towel from the cupboard, I pressed it to my bleeding wound. This wasn't
how I wanted my day to pan out. Just my fucking luck! I had to remind myself
not to start screaming with my family downstairs. The pain was intense. A nail,
honestly, this room was a fucking pigsty.
My reverie was interrupted by my brother entered the room. He stood at the door
with his arms folded across his chest. ''I've been sent up as a search party,
kiddo. Come on down, you're worrying people by staying up here.''
''I'm sorry, Assef,'' I mumbled sadly.
He walked over and gently lifted my chin. ''I'm not mad at you, sister. Nobody
is mad at you. Our mother is just being a panicky cunt, that's all.'' This
elicited a laugh from me. I rubbed my head.
''There's a nail over in the corner, Assef. Just be careful. I cracked my head
off it a few minutes ago. That's why I was so long,'' I explained.
Assef hugged me to him. ''You okay?'' he asked in concern. I nodded, pressed up
against his waist.
''Uh-huh. That dumb Fahrsan didn't tidy up properly, obviously.''
Assef kissed my wound, looking at me in sympathy. ''Shareem's got a surprise
for us,'' he said.
''Really, now what could that be?'' I asked. Surely it would be something
idiotic and childish, as per fucking usual. The dumb fatty was very high on the
list of people who's throats I would like to slit. Still, I knew I would have
to just feign interest and excitement like any endearing child would.
Assef ruffled my hair. ''Well, if I knew that it wouldn't really be that much
of a surprise, now would it?'' he teased.
''Maybe Hassan's come over and they're going to let us murder him,'' I pondered
hopefully. My eyes lit up at the prospect.
Assef chortled loudly, squeezing my shoulder. ''Chance would be a fine thing,
but I like your thinking, Sar.'' He ran his fingers through my hair. Who
wouldn't love the bond we shared? I covered my scratch with some hair. Time to
face the music. I couldn't just stay up here with my brother forever, no matter
how much I wanted to.
I skipped ahead of Assef down the stairs and into the kitchen. I truly felt a
fucking idiot for behaving this way! My cousin got down on his knees and hugged
me tightly. So tight in fact that I felt my ribs would crack. It took every
ounce of patience that I had not to push him away from me. ''Where were you,
sweetie?'' He asked stupidly.
''I was upstairs,'' I said. 'You dumb prick,' I thought. ''It takes effort for
us girls to look this good. Isn't that right, Mama?'' My quip gained a laugh
from my mother and aunt. Mama gently kissed the top of my head.
Each of them basked in the simplicity of the moment. I continued to play the
role of sweet and innocent little Saria. I bent my knees and cocked my head to
the side. Shareem laughed and dug his fingers into my ribs. I squeaked and
dashed away from him. He caught me round the waist and dragged me closer to
him, tickling my ribs mercilessly. I laughed so hard I felt I was going to get
sick. This was why I didn't like to get tickled, except by Assef.
He always knew when to draw the line before I ended up puking my guts out on
the floor. Somehow I feared Shareem wouldn't know where that line was. ''Haha,
STOP IT!'' I screamed through my hysteria. I kicked my legs futilely. Fahrsan
poked at my armpits and I shrieked. ''Nooo... STOP! PLEASE! ASSEF HELP ME!'' I
begged.
''Come on, Kaka jan, stop torturing my little sister.'' Assef said, the ghost
of a smile playing on his lips. Fahrsan laughed and ruffled my hair.
''Hehe, put me down!'' I cried. Shareem set me back onto my feet. I felt light
headed as I swayed back and forth on my heels. The blood rushed to my head.
With this and the injury I had just sustained upstairs I was sure I would faint
soon. Blur spots danced in front of my eyes. I pinched the bridge of my nose.
Assef rubbed the back of my hand gently.
''Everything alright?'' he asked.
I nodded slowly. ''Yeah,'' I said.
''I bet you're beat, cuz, are we too much for ya?'' Fahrsan teased. I had to
fake a laugh as I turned to face him. I just wanted to slap him. Shareem
laughed and wrapped an arm around Assef's shoulder, and ruffled his blond hair.
Assef pushed him away, laughing.
''Pisshead fucker,'' he mouthed at me. I sniggered beneath my palm. Of course,
no one else was any the wiser as to why I was laughing. Not that they ever
would be. Shareem clasped his hands under his chin in complete delight. He
seemed more excited than normal today. I was soon to find out why.
''I have a very special surprise for you all,'' he said. I looked up at him in
delight.
''Yes, Assef was telling me! I love surprises what is it?'' I asked, clasping
my hands as if in prayer. Shareem glanced from side to side and leaned in close
so we were almost nose to nose.
''All of us, including Mr. Cuddles, are going to drive up to the woods...
And... Go on a scavenger hunt!''
'A scavenger hunt?' I thought in surprise.
''Wow! A SCAVENGER HUNT! How fun!'' Fahrsan shrieked in elation. He bounced up
and down like a retard. God, and this idiot is supposed to be seventeen!
''Yeah, I thought that would be fun. You used to love our scavenger hunts,
Assef. Do you remember you brought your little friends down once and we all had
a boy's day out?'' Shareem said.
''Right, when Wali, Kamal and I were four,'' Assef retorted. They laughed at
this statement, but in reality my brother was being the smart ass we are both
known to be. Fahrsan bounced around in total excitement. Papa and Mama were
both grinning from ear to ear. I realised that I had to play the part. I began
jumping up and down with Fahrsan.
''Yay! How fun!'' I clapped my hands together in delight. Honestly I could have
murdered every single person in the room right then and there. Minus Assef, of
course. That's how pissed I was at that moment. A scavenger hunt? What the fuck
was wrong with these people? I was twelve years old! As Assef said, scavenger
hunts were only interesting and fun to toddlers.
This was bullshit, pure and simple. Still, I had to pretend like I gave a shit.
I giggled excitedly like any child would. The moment only got crazier when Mr.
Cuddles bounded into the room. Obviously the dumb animal wanted to join in the
fun with us as well. He yapped excitedly as Fahrsan gathered him up into his
arms and spun the pup around. The dog excitedly licked at my cousin's face with
his coarse pink tongue. 'He doesn't seem to have a problem with those skin
grafts... Or maybe dogs just have terrible eyesight!' I thought to myself with
a slight chuckle.
Fahrsan bounced around the room like someone on hashish, with the idiotically
named dog still in his arms. ''Thank you so much, Father. Thank you.'' He said,
running round to hug his father's neck. He grabbed his mother's hands and
jumped up and down. ''This is going to be the best day ever! A scavenger hunt,
and we get to bring Mr. Cuddle's along! WAHOO!'' he shouted. I seriously had to
restrain from rolling my eyes. I knew that he was only trying to make it fun
for me, but it was more than irritating!
Assef looked at me. ''Freak,'' he mouthed, glancing at Fahrsan. I giggled
loudly. I kept grinning widely as was expected of me.
''When... When do we go?'' Fahrsan asked. He clapped his hands together.
''Well I haven't finished making all the treasure maps, yet. I was thinking it
could be a competition. The adults versus the children and Mr. Cuddles.'' Assef
picked up his unfinished breakfast and tossed it into the bin. I could tell
Mama and Papa were a bit peeved that their son had wasted this good food but
they wisely didn't say anything.
''Come on upstairs, kiddo,'' Assef said.
''I'll come too,'' Fahrsan interrupted.
''Don't you have a dog to feed?'' my brother replied cockily.
''Assef's right, son. You need to take care of Mr. Cuddles. Go on. That is your
responsibility, after all.'' Shareem gave his son a friendly shove. Fahrsan was
in bright spirits as he traipsed outside, Mr. Cuddles following him.
''It would be best, Saria, if you and your brother went upstairs for a while.
After all, you don't want an unfair advantage.'' Shareem explained. Stella
smoothed out my collar and smiled at me. I gave her the best smile I could
muster, then turned and skipped up the stairs, shrieking excitedly like an
idiot.
Assef and I both entered our room and I fell face down onto my bed, grumbling
loudly. ''A scavenger hunt.. Fucking shit! We're both too old for this bull..''
I mumbled in German.
''And Fahrsan, what a faggot. What is wrong with that boy?'' Assef sat beside
me and placed a hand on my back.
''You mean beside all the obvious stuff. I think he's just trying to make it
exciting for me,'' I groaned into the pillow. ''God, I'm not a baby!'' I
grumbled angrily. My head was pounding. The product of my frustration and the
injury I had earlier sustained. I punched the pillow in frustration. The sound
was muffled by the soft fabric. I angrily bit into the pillow and screamed.
My brother stroked the back of my head sympathetically. I cried tears of anger
and frustration. ''Come on now, Sar. Don't cry. It's not the end of the world.
We can make something good out of it. Right?'' He reached into his pocket and
pulled out a small steak knife. My eyes lit up at the sight of it. Assef
dangled it in front of me, laughing. ''Today's the day we kill that stupid
dog,'' he said with conviction.
The corners of my mouth turned up into the first genuine smile I had smiled all
morning. I did have a serious question however. I sat up on my elbow and leaned
in towards my brother. ''But what if someone catches us?''
Assef poked me in the nose. ''You're Zainab's murderer, kiddo. How many times
have we hurt someone and avoided detection?''
I lowered my eyes. ''But we'll be with Fahrsan,'' I muttered.
''So? We'll place the body in the road, make it look like he got hit by a car.
They'll probably blame him, not us. Remember the dead bird?'' Assef smiled at
me. ''Everything will be okay. Who expects you, after all? Don't you want to
have fun with your brother, huh?'' He asked teasingly.
''Okay. We'll kill the dog. Yippy!'' I hugged Assef's neck.
''Glad I could make you happy, kiddo,'' he replied. I kissed his cheek and
bounced up and down in excitement. After all, torture and misery were my drugs
of choice! My worrying was only out of concern for my older brother's well
being. He knew that. He worried about me too. Isn't that what you do when you
love someone deeply? I got up from the bed and walked to the window.
''It's a beautiful day,'' I whispered to myself. ''The perfect day to commit a
murder.'' I giggled at the thought. I ran the blade of the knife along my hand.
It was dangerously sharp, and I almost cut myself. Assef took it from me and
glanced at his reflection in the blade.
He put the knife in the side pocket of his orange jacket and tapped it. ''I do
wish we could murder Fahrsan though. Or at least that you'd rape him,'' I
lamented. Assef hugged me to him.
''Well, there's five days left until we go home. You never know what might
happen.'' We watched as Shareem gathered the necessary things for Mr. Cuddles'
trip, and put them in the car. I looked blankly down on him. He didn't notice
me as he busied himself with the fun day he had planned. Oh if only he knew!
''Saria?'' Papa called up the stairs. ''Saria, Assef, come down! We're ready
for you!'' Assef took my hand and squeezed it.
''Game face, kiddo. Remember the prize.'' Of course, the ''prize,'' for us was
the pain and misery we were soon to cause. We walked down stairs and out to the
car. Fahrsan spun me around in his arms.
''Let's go, go, GO!'' he said with vigorous excitement. My brother and I rolled
our eyes at his foolishness. The sky was clear with a light breeze. Fahrsan sat
beside me in the back seat of the car.
''Assef, you'll go with your parents,'' he explained.
I shook my head frantically. ''No, no! I want Assef to stay with me!'' I cried.
Fahrsan looked at me in disappointment. He didn't want his cousin to spend time
with anyone but him. I knew he just wanted to bond with me. Assef stood there,
not knowing what to say or do. My eyes locked on his as I silently begged for
help.
''It's only a thirty minute drive, Saria. Surely you can leave your brother for
that long?'' Shareem tried to pacify me. I was having none of it. I clenched my
fists.
''Please, I wanna go with my brother!'' I begged childishly. Fahrsan looked at
me in disdain.
''You see him every bloody day. I haven't seen you since you were six. I missed
you, and I just wanted to spend some time with you.'' Oh great. Now I was the
bad guy. I wondered briefly if this would upset our plan to murder the puppy
yapping on my cousin's lap. The tension was thick.
Shareem, I could tell was a bit pissed off. He just wanted to go. I lowered my
eyes and sniffled. I would play the role of the sweet child, poor little Saria.
My charm never failed to get me what I wanted. Assef smiled at me.
''Come on now, Saria. You'll see Assef soon. Just relax. Come on.'' Fahrsan
said in irritated tones.
''I wanna be with my brother! Please, I.. I just don't want to go without him.
He's my best friend.''
Shareem shook his head. ''Assef, listen, maybe it would be better if you went
away.'' He said. Assef shook his head, taking my small hand in his. ''She
doesn't mean any harm by it, she's just a little tired, and you're right,
Fahrsan, you haven't seen each other in years. Can you blame her for being a
little timid?'' I held my breath.
Would this make them suspicious? Would they be able to see the darkness in me?
The evil I hid behind the dresses and curls? Fahrsan angrily kicked the car
door. I cowered back in terror. He really was making this so easy. I realised
then that he would be the bad guy. I was just the sweet, charming little girl
who loved her brother and wanted to stay with him. My innocence could be seen
as somewhat endearing. ''I'm sorry, Fahrsan, I don't mean to hurt your
feelings. I just want to stay with my brother.''
''It's okay, sweetie,'' Stella said sympathetically. ''Don't be sad. This is
the first time you've been in the car with us. I understand, baby, I'd want
Tanya with me if I was your age.'' I smiled, knowing she would be a good ally
in this fight.
''I really don't mean any harm,'' I muttered. ''I just want my brother.''
Shareem sighed. ''I know, Saria. I understand, honey. There's no need to be
nervous though. We're your family'' He touched my arm lightly.
''I know and I love you all so much,'' I lied.
''I guess Assef could come in with us,'' Fahrsan grumbled. ''I mean, if that
would make you happy. You can sit in the middle next to both of us.'' I knew
this would be the best compromise I could hope for. I nodded.
''Okay! Yes, I'd like that, then we all can spend time together. Plan our
tactics for the scavenger hunt.'' I beamed stupidly. Assef got in beside me, as
Shareem told our parents the change on plan. They were both relieved. Alone
time with their son was something they both wanted to do without. Papa gently
brushed a lock of my hair back from my eyes. He smiled at me sympathetically.
''We'll see you in a little while.'' With that being said, he walked back to
his own car. My family lived about thirty minutes from the Shakarparian forests
in Islamabad. These forests were perfect for a scavenger hunt, and also perfect
to commit a murder. I smirked to myself at the thought. Fahrsan was silent as
the car pulled out of the drive. I knew he was just pissed off that we weren't
alone.
The little dipshit needed to learn his place. Nonetheless, I decided not to let
his attitude bother me. I kept up my jovial facade, laughing loudly as Mr.
Cuddles licked my cheek. The little dog was utterly oblivious as to the fate
that he was to suffer.
''When do you have to bring him back?'' My brother asked, petting the pup's
head.
''Oh, um, this Friday,'' Fahrsan answered. ''I wish I didn't have to.'' He
added in sadness. He hugged the dog to him.
''Rashid is lucky to have a good friend like you.'' I said sweetly. 'That's
right, Saria, tug on some fucking heart strings.' I thought to myself. He
beamed and touched my hand. Any animosity between us as now forgotten. For the
time being, at least. That would soon change. Assef and I both looked at each
other with smiles on our faces.
''You're both very happy,'' Stella said, glancing at us in her rear view
mirror. ''That's because I'm so happy I'm spending time with you.'' I lied like
only a true sociopath could.
I leaned in close to my brother's ear. ''We should cut that dog's tongue out.
Stop his incessant yapping.'' I whispered in German. Assef looked at me,
smirking. Of course, nobody else knew what was happening, or the terror that
was soon to befall them.
I turned around on my knees and looked at my parents car behind us. 'Go crash
and die,' I thought to myself. In my mind, there was one person here that I
loved, and the other five I wanted dead. Yes, even my own parents. But I don't
think I need to ramble on about that any further. Fahrsan began talking
incessantly about the scavenger hunt. His enthusiasm was unwavering.
I wish that I could share in it. If I was ''normal'' would these family trips
be better? No, who would help my brother cause misery then? The car slowed to a
stop outside the majestic Shakarparian forest. Beautiful trees swayed tall
above us as we basked in their beauty. ''What a place!'' I mumbled under my
breath. Fahrsan placed a leash on the bouncing Mr. Cuddles, drawing him in
close. I almost wanted to rip that dog away from him, but thought better of it.
'That dog is mine!' I thought vehemently. 'But... all in due time.' I smirked.
Shareem pulled out two hand-drawn maps and handed one to Fahrsan. ''A few rules
before we set off,'' he said. ''Firstly, no going off on your own. Secondly, NO
arguing. That's not why we're here. Respect each other. Thirdly, have fun!'' He
beamed like a fat oaf, clapping his pudgy hands together. ''So, may be the best
team win!'' he chortled.
''Oh don't worry, we plan to,'' Fahrsan joked back. The three of us walked into
the woods. ''Okay... Let's see. We need to find, um, a big red shoe.''
''Are you fucking joking me? Who the fuck leaves a shoe in the forest?'' Assef
said in German. Fahrsan didn't bother asking him to translate.
''We can use Mr. Cuddles to sniff it out! Or would that be cheating?'' He
muttered to himself. We continued to walk deeper into the forest. My patience
would soon wear thin... I wanted that dog to burn! We continued to walk in
silence, searching for that godforsaken red shoe.
My feet started to sweat in their black pumps. I skipped ahead regardless. We
trekked half way into the words before Fahrsan found that clown shoe.
''Yay!'' he celebrated. I looked down at it in disdain. ''Maybe the prize is a
clown suit,'' he mused.
''If anyone tries to get me in a clown suit, I'll rip their eyes out and take a
shit in their sockets,'' Assef said in German.
''What was that?''
''I said I don't think it will be.'' Fahrsan seemed satisfied with this answer.
We searched high and low for the other clues. As we were walking, Assef half-
pushed me behind some trees. Fahrsan, not noticing our disappearance, knelt
down and began searching for other clues. I bit my lip and looked up at my
brother.
''Is it time?'' He nodded. Fortunately for us, Fahrsan had dropped Mr. Cuddle's
leash. Too fucking easy! I leaned over and slapped my knees twice.
''Here boy, here! Come to Saria!'' I called in hushed tones. The dog bounded
towards me, tail wagging. He just wanted someone to play with. Assef kept a
watchful eye for Fahrsan.
''He hasn't even noticed we're gone,'' he said. ''I think we're pretty safe
here.'' We were surrounded by trees and undergrowth. I knelt down and covered
the puppy's mouth with my hand. He responded by licking me. Assef stamped on
his paw, causing him to yelp in pain.
A normal person would have been moved to tears but this only caused me to
giggle. My brother materialised the knife from his pocket, taking off his
jacket and lying it to one side. I took the blade from him and began slashing
Mr. Cuddles to ribbons. He gargled and convulsed with every stab. I was ripping
him to shreds. The knife squelched as I plunged it into his intestines and
twisted it. The little dog couldn't have been more than six months old.
His little cries would be moving, if either Assef and I had the heart to be
moved by them. I continued my brutal assault long after Mr. Cuddle's stopped
breathing. Assef stopped me with a gentle hand on my shoulder. The body had to
be disposed of. There was a little road just by where we came in. ''Where's
Fahrsan?'' I asked.
''Gone over behind that tree. Hasn't noticed we're missing,'' Assef replied. We
snuck by our idiot cousin, the dog held tightly to my brother's chest. Assef
lay the pup down on the side of the road.
''There. Rest in peace, you little cunt,'' he said mockingly. He zipped up his
jacket, hiding the blood on his t-shirt.
Just our luck, a passing car slammed into the dog, flattening him into a mush.
I clapped my hands excitedly. ''Let's fuck with our cousin.'' Screwing my face
up, I let out a loud scream. ''FAHRSAN! FAHRSAN!'' Tears spilled down my face.
Crocodile tears, of course.
''SARIA!'' he screamed in response. ''Where are you both?'' He came racing
through the forest, concern painted on his face. ''What happened? Why did you
run off?''
''Your dog ran off. We were trying to catch him but he was too fast,'' Assef
lied smoothly.
''Oh God.. Why didn't I see anything? Where's Mr. Cuddles?'' No words were
spoken as Assef took my hand and we both led Fahrsan to the flattened body on
the ground. From this angle, you could see exactly the amount of damage the car
had done. Mr. Cuddles didn't even resemble a dog anymore. He was just a mush. I
covered my mouth with my hands. Fahrsan crumpled into a ball, wailing
pathetically.
''No! OH GOD! NO!'' he screamed. ''What do I tell Rashid?'' he lamented to
himself.
''Tell him you let his dog get killed,'' Assef replied. He stroked my hair
while I sobbed. Fahrsan tried to lift Mr. Cuddles up. Intestines spilled out on
the ground. ''What are you doing, Fahrsan? It's dead. Put it down.'' Assef
ordered.
This enfuriated our cousin. He jumped to his feet. ''It? IT? He's not an it,
he's an animal with thoughts and feelings and should be treated with dignity!
SHOW SOME RESPECT!'' He shoved Assef backwards and onto the ground. I watched
in glee as my brother got back on his feet.
''You fucking cunt! HOW DARE YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME? HOW FUCKING DARE YOU
PUSH ME?" When my brother was angry, he was angry. He threw himself on Fahrsan,
and the two of them rolled around for a bit. Assef, being a more skiled
fighter, soon had Fahrsan pinned and was hitting him repeatedly. He raised his
fist as if to punch the older teen in the face.
'Shit, what if the adults see?' I thought. I pulled on my brother's jacket.
''Assef! Assef, stop!'' I cried. He looked at me. I pulled on him again.
''Get up,'' he hissed at Fahrsan. Fahrsan struggled to his feet, tears
streaming down his face. Within a few minutes, the adults arrived.
''What happened?'' Stella asked in horror. She took sight of the mangled body
and covered her mouth in horror. ''What happened to Mr. Cuddles?''
''We tried to catch him but this car just c-came from nowhere,'' I sniffed,
inwardly commending my acting skills.
Fahrsan pointed an accusatory finger at Assef. ''He just beat the shit out of
me! They killed my dog! I know it! They did it!''
Shareem cracked his son on the back of the head. ''I don't believe that for one
second. Your cousins are the sweetest people I've ever met. You're just trying
to blame someone, because you know it's your fault. I'm so ashamed of you.''
Not a word was said as we trekked back to our respective cars. Once again, we
had the upper hand. But, I wasn't satisfied with Mr. Cuddle's death, I wanted
more blood. Human blood. Fahrsan's blood...
***** Fahrsan's Reckoning *****
Chapter Summary
     In chapter 18, Saria brutally murdered Mr. Cuddles, Fahrsan's beloved
     dog. Without remorse she watched as Fahrsan took the blame for the
     incident.. Now we find her coming to the end of her stay in
     Pakistan...
The clock ticked endlessly on the wall behind me. The noise was magnified in
the silence. It was now about half past six or so in the morning. I lay awake,
completely still so as not to disturb my brother who slept soundly in the bed
beside mine. The room still held that foul odour of dead bird, despite
Fahrsan's pathetic attempts to clean everything with a disinfectant. It was a
rather humid evening, much to my dismay. I find warm nights much harder to
sleep on, which was probably half the reason I was awake right now.
The cotton night gown that I was wearing didn't do much good to help matters
either. It reached just below my knees and this coupled with the long sleeves
made it better suited for cold winter nights. But what could I do? I marvel at
the pieces of shit I wear to seem innocent and charming. I kicked the covers
off me in a half-assed attempt to cool down. Not that it did much good anyway.
I swear, if it got any hotter I'd pass out from heat stroke or something. Assef
shifted in his sleep but didn't wake.
My brother could sleep through a fucking earthquake, I swear. Part of me wanted
to climb into bed beside him. To wake him up so that I could have someone else
to share in my insomnia. I didn't though. I'm not so selfish that I would deny
my brother those extra hours of sleep that everybody cherishes. There's isn't
anything in this world I wouldn't sacrifice for Assef and vice versa. Not that
I need mention that, do I? Rolling over onto my stomach, I glanced in the
direction of the wardrobe where the dead bird had been only days before. It
seemed wherever Fahrsan went, some poor animal ended up dead.
By now about two days or so had passed since the unfortunate demise of Mr.
Cuddles. The little dog was now resting in Heaven, or perhaps Hell. I hoped for
the latter. Why should suffering cease just because he was dead. In my mind,
anyone who hurts or annoys me should end up tortured for eternity! Zainab,
Ahtrai, Hassan... Any person who's ever bothered me before. They should all
have to face the Devil's wrath. That is, after facing mine.
Rashid, Fahrsan's friend, had soon learned of his faithful companion's demise.
The fight that had ensued between himself and Fahrsan had been hilarious to
watch. I'm damn lucky I didn't piss myself, that's for sure. Rashid was
throwing swear words left and right. Words that my mother would kill me if she
heard me use. Of course, she's never going to hear me use them, but I digress.
No pathetic excuses Fahrsan came up with could make up for what he had done,
for the misery and hurt he had caused. Rashid's pain was made ten times worse
with the realisation that there would be no body of his little dog to bury. No
way to gain closure from the death of his four legged friend. I'm sure he must
have cried himself to sleep just thinking about it.
Not that I gave a shit either way. I had killed that dog to hurt my cousin and
if another person got hurt along the way, then all the better. The ten year
friendship between Fahrsan and Rashid had now been irreparably shattered.
Ruined in the blink of an eye. It amazes me how a stupid animal could make two
people as close as brothers fall out. Assef and I would never fight over a
fucking dog, but I guess not everyone could be as close as we are. Still,
Fahrsan should take some responsibility for Mr. Cuddles death. He shouldn't
have turned his back on us. We were supposed to stick together. He broke a rule
and as a result, Mr. Cuddles paid the price for it.
That's how I viewed the situation and I could give two shits if Fahrsan thought
any differently. Surely he must be entertaining some notions that I had killed
the pup, but even if he was, who could he possibly tell? Who would believe him?
Innocent little Saria would never ever hurt anyone, especially a cute little
animal. I mean, those fools seen the way I was with Mr. Cuddles when they were
around. How delighted I seemed when the puppy would lick my face. Why would I
ever hurt him? It didn't hear thinking about. No, I was perfectly in the clear
as far as that was concerned.
Matter of fact, I was practically a hero, as far as those foolish adults were
concerned. In their eyes, I had been the one who noticed the dog run off, and
had tried to catch him. Nobody would ever believe I had done such a heinous
act. I curled up in a ball on my side and tried to get back to sleep. My
thoughts were ever racing. It seems I never got a moments break from them. The
week was almost over. In two days time we would be making the eleven hour
return journey to Kabul. Then, come Monday, I'd have to go back to school to be
faced with more bullshit. I'm sure Ahtrai and her little bitch friends must be
just itching for ways to torment me further. I wondered if Ara would be back by
now.
Rumour has it she would be placed in a special class with a special tutor to
help her cope with her new disability. I hoped I would see her on the
playground, though. I wanted to see the blind little bitch stumbling around and
crashing into things. Still, even with Ara's little mishap, their idiotic
leader still wanted to push my buttons. I knew Ahtrai was itching to play a
dangerous game with me. A game that, if she wasn't careful, would cost her her
life.
Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine all the ways I could torment and kill the
little cunt. Skin her alive, cut out her tongue, slit her throat and watch her
bleed out under my feet. Perhaps even asphixiation or drowning... Whatever
method I chose, it would be total agony for her. For her sake I really hoped
she would see sense and just leave me alone. Maybe then, I'd permit her to
live. All she'd need to do would be to stop picking on me and she would save
herself and her family a lot of misery. Thinking of murdering Ahtrai brought me
back to the day I had killed Zainab. That had been her own fault. The little
girl thought she could get the upper hand by beating me, but in the end, it was
I who had come out the victor! I thought of all the things little Zainab would
never experience.
Growing up, getting married, raising a family... I thought about how she would
never know what it felt to hold her child for the first time, to kiss her
husband at their wedding day. Now her parents would never have a grandchild or
anything. Thinking about this made me start giggling. I covered my mouth with
my hands and shook with laughter. It was amazing how one simple stabbing could
effect people's lives forever. Well, it was Zainab's own fault. She had fucked
with me and had lost the battle. That was honestly how I saw things. It would
do me no good to distress myself over her or Ahtrai any further. I had enough
shit to be dealing with Zainab no longer existed to me.
As for Ahtrai, well, only time would tell what would become of her. She'd learn
her place soon enough, I was sure of it. Either that or the police would have
another murder on their hands. ''Go to sleep, Saria. You know how cranky you
get when you don't get enough sleep,'' I told myself. I tossed the covers onto
the floor and curled up into a ball. I glanced up at the clock again. It was
now seven o clock. ''What the fuck? I've been awake for half an hour! Why the
fuck can't I sleep?'' I grumbled angrily under my breath. I punched the pillow
in frustration.
Assef shifted, sitting up in his bed. ''What's wrong, kiddo? Why are you
awake?'' Fuck, now I'd woken him up too! I buried my face in my hands.
''I'm sorry, Assef,'' I groaned pathetically. ''I just can't fucking sleep.
Don't know why. I didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry.'' Tears of anger and
frustration made their way down my cheeks. I gulped back a sob.
''Stupid Saria, go back to sleep,'' I muttered. Assef got out of his own bed
and walked over to mine.
''Budge up, kiddo.'' I shifted slightly, allowing him to climb in beside me.
Assef picked up the covers of the bed and covered both of us with them.
''What's up, Sar? Why are you still awake, eh?'' I lowered my eyes and snuggled
closer to my brother, resting my head on his chest.
''I can't sleep. I don't know why. Too much on my mind, I guess.''
Assef stroked the back of my head. ''What's on your mind, kiddo? You wanna talk
about it?'' I clicked my tongue. Snuggled deeper under the blanket.
''I don't know. I'm just thinking about Ahtrai. About what she'll do to me when
I get back to school.'' I rolled onto my side and leaned up on my elbow. ''I
really don't want the hassle of having to kill her, but I don't see any other
way out of things.'' This was now becoming a very real concern of mine as much
as I wished it wasn't.
My brother reached out and wiped a stray tear away from my face with his thumb.
I hadn't noticed it was there. The sun was beginning to rise, light streaming
in the window from behind the closed curtains. Assef rolled over to face me,
taking my tiny hand in his. ''Come on now, kiddo, let's not think about that.
She might leave you alone, knowing what happened to little Ara. And if she
doesn't, then we'll find some way to punish her. If she has to die, then we'll
find a way to do that too. No need to worry about it. Now, come on, try and get
some sleep.'' I nodded and wrapped my arm around his waist.
He ran his fingers through the length of my hair in an attempt to relax me. I
closed my eyes. ''I'll try not to think about her any more, Assef. Thanks for
listening to me. You're a great brother.''
''Well, you're a great little sister. I'll wake you up when it's time for
breakfast.'' With that said, I closed my eyes and settled into sleep...
The next morning came quicker than I anticipated, and I woke to find my hideous
cousin poking his head round the door. ''Good morning, little one. How are you
feeling, eh?'' he asked. I had to steel myself to stop from screaming at him.
Saria Ahmed is not a morning person.
''Oh, good morning, cousin. I'm fine thanks, how are you? What time is it?''
''It's about half-eleven, little one. Are you getting up?'' he asked.
''Okay. Let me get dressed. I'll be down in a few minutes.'' He nodded, winked
for some reason, and seen himself out. I lay my head back on the pillow. Assef
walked in, already fully dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He sat down on the
edge of the bed. I sat up, cross-legged.
''Morning, sleepy-head. How are you?''
''Fine I guess. The cunt just came in earlier.'' For obvious reason, I kept the
conversation in our mother's German. Assef laughed at my nickname for Fahrsan.
''He was worried when you didn't come down. Thought you were sick or something.
That boy loves you, he really does.'' I rocked back and forth.
''Well, you're the only one that I love, you know that. Fahrsan can go fuck
himself.'' Assef laughed and ruffled my hair.
''You're sweet, kiddo. Come on down when you're ready. And be careful when
you're getting your dress, there's a screw loose in the wardrobe. I don't want
some fucking shelf falling down on top of you.''
I nodded. ''Alright, I'll be careful...'' Assef smiled and seen himself out. I
got up out of bed and padded barefoot to the wardrobe. I opened the doors and
perused through my many dresses and pinafores. ''If this stupid fucking thing
falls on top of me, I swear to God!'' I swore aloud in German. I pulled out a
light blue dress with Peter Pan collar, bow at the back and mid-length sleeves.
I tossed it in the bed and gently closed the doors, making sure not to knock
anything down on top of myself. I dressed quickly and placed two matching
ribbons in my plaited hair. ''Looking good, Saria.'' I told myself as I admired
my reflection in the mirror. ''Looking very good.'' I smiled and skipped out
the door, locking it firmly behind me. The stairs creaked noisily behind me as
I skipped down each of them.
I could hear Fahrsan and Mama laughing about something in the living room.
Those two were close. There was no denying it. In fact,forgive me for saying
this, and I'd never tell Assef, although I think he probably knows, but I think
she sometimes wishes Fahrsan was her son. I grabbed an apple from the kitchen
table and joined them.
Fahrsan leaned over and kissed my forehead. 'Eww, get away, I'm eating!' I
thought in disgust. ''I can't believe the week is almost over. Where did the
time go?'' Papa commented.
''Time flies when you're having fun,'' the disgusting excuse for a boy
(Fahrsan) replied.
I lowered my eyes in an attempt to look cute. ''I'm gonna miss you guys,'' I
said. No points for guessing that I was lying through my teeth. If I could, I'd
happily slit each of their throats in turn and then dance on their graves.
Still, we can't always get what we want out of life, can we? I grinned at
Shareem and Stella. My mind filled with thoughts of stabbing or beating them to
death. I could already see Stella lying in a pool of her own blood. If only.
Stella returned my smile and placed her hand on the back of my head. ''We're
going to miss you too, Saria. It's been so nice to have you.''
''Well, you guys have to come to Kabul some time,'' Papa offered. I almost
rolled my eyes. Obviously I couldn't do that without seeming rude. Fahrsan
seemed delighted at this offer. He clasped his hands under his chin, almost as
if in prayer.
''Really, Uncle Mahmood? Do you mean that? Thank you!'' he said in delight. The
window was open, letting in some cool air that circulated around the room. The
mood was calm, peaceful. I could almost bask in it. I looked at the beautiful
clear sky outside and let myself zone out for a bit.
''Kiddo, kiddo?'' Assef nudged me in the ribs.
I looked up at him. ''What?''
''Fahrsan's talking to you,'' my brother said.
''Oh? I'm sorry, cousin. I zoned off there. What is it?''
''Its okay, dear. I was just wondering what do you want to do today?'' he
asked. Stella cut across me before I had the chance to answer.
''Well, actually, us adults have a surprise in store. Fahrsan, we need you to
look after Saria for a couple of hours while we drive up and get it.''
''I'm staying here too, right?'' Assef asked, placing his hand in my shoulder.
''If that's what you want, son, then of course,'' Papa said. Fahrsan lowered
his eyes and twiddled his thumbs.
''Well, actually we'd better be going now. We'll see you three in a few hours.
Probably later this evening,'' Mama said. I smiled at them as they trekked in
single file out to the car. With any luck, they might drive over a fucking
ravine or something. I turned and ran back upstairs, giggling to myself at the
awful thought.
As I entered my room, I could hear the front door slam shut. I almost jumped
out of my skin. ''What the fuck?'' I asked aloud. The banging and stamping
continued. I listened intently as somebody slammed the cupboard doors
repeatedly in the kitchen.
After about five minutes, Assef entered the room, quietly closing the door
behind him. ''Our cousin is having a bit of a tantrum,'' he informed me. I
looked at him in confusion.
The banging and stamping continued downstairs. Assef and I both stayed silent,
listening in. We could hear Fahrsan swearing downstairs. ''Stupid cunt. Glued
to her. Wish he'd just PISS OFF AND LEAVE US ALONE!'' he screamed in utter
rage. I looked up at my brother and rolled my eyes.
''I don't think our cousin likes you very much,'' I said. We both laughed and
let this roll off us.
''Well, you know and I know that I'm not going to leave you alone with him,
kiddo,'' he replied.
''Really, Assef? Is that for my sake or his?'' I teased. Assef grinned and
playfully poked me in the nose.
''You know what I mean, sport!'' he teased. The noise continued on downstairs.
I flopped back onto the bed as I heard him ascend the stairs, muttering curses
under his breath. He threw the door to our room open with such force I feared
it would fly off the handle. Fahrsan was like a bull in a china shop as he
surveyed us both. I immediately put on a concerned facade.
''What's wrong, Fahrsan? You look so sad,'' I said innocently. I stood up and
began to pace by the wardrobe.
Fahrsan growled at my brother like a feral cat. ''You two still joined at the
hip?'' he asked. Assef raised his eyebrows. We both glanced at each other.
''What's got you so upset, Fahrsan?'' He asked, folding his arms across his
chest. I was now standing right in front of the open wardrobe. Fahrsan glared
in Assef's direction.
''You're glued to your sister like I don't know... It PISSES ME OFF!'' he
snarled.
''I love my sister. I want to spend time with her,'' Assef replied calmly. I
was amazed at how calm he was being, given the circumstances. Fahrsan mimicked
what my brother said in a high pitched voice.
''All I wanted was to spend one fucking afternoon with Saria. You hear that,
little girl? All I wanted was to spend one day just you and me.'' I stayed
stone-faced as I watched him approach me. Fahrsan commented further. ''You two
could be Siamese twins. The way you latch onto each other.''
Now this boy was beginning to piss me off. I decided I'd put him in his place.
''But how can we be twins when there's a few years between us in age?'' I asked
cheekily.
My tone didn't go unnoticed by Fahrsan. He stepped closer to me. ''Watch your
mouth, Saria. I don't like it when little girls are rude to me,'' he
threatened.
I smirked up at him. ''I'll be careful then. Don't want to end up like poor Mr.
Cuddles, do I?'' I retorted. This statement somehow flicked a switch within my
cousin. He drew back his hand and brought it down across my cheek. I stumbled
backwards and fell flat on my ass inside the wardrobe.
Unfortunately for me, this had to be the time that the loose shelf gave way and
came crashing down around me. The corner of it cracked me right on the head.
For a moment, I saw stars. Then the tears came. I lay there, sobbing
pathetically. Fahrsan seemed to come to the horrid realisation of what he had
done.
''SARIA!'' he screamed. ''Oh my God, are you okay? I'm so sorry!'' I ignored
his words and reached out for my brother.
''Assef, Assef!'' I sobbed. Assef bent down and gathered me into his arms,
holding me as carefully as you would a newborn. I latched onto his waist as he
ushered me out of the room. Fahrsan followed suit.
''I didn't mean to!'' he cried pathetically. He reached out and touched my
head. ''Are you okay, Saria? I feel terrible.''
''Get your fucking hands off my sister!'' Assef snarled viciously. I continued
to sob. This was not some childish act. My head hurt like hell. Assef brought
me into the kitchen and sat me down on a chair. ''Your head's bleeding,
kiddo,'' he said as he fetched the first aid kits. He poured some antiseptic
onto a wet cloth. ''This is probably going to sting a little. I'm sorry,
kiddo.''
With that said, Assef pressed the cloth to my temple. I hissed in pain, then
began to sob afresh. I leaned forward and placed my head on my brother's
shoulder as he tried to soothe me.
''Perhaps we should get her to a doctor,'' Fahrsan added.
''No, no doctors. I'll be fine. Maybe if I just take a nap or something,'' I
said. As I've probably mentioned before, I hate hospitals. Or doctors of any
kind.
''She'll be okay, Fahrsan. I'll take her up to bed now.''
Fahrsan nodded through his tears. ''I hope you know I never meant to hurt you,
darling. I really didn't.'' I didn't even bother to answer him as my brother
half carried me back up the stairs.
''We'll keep this between us, Fahrsan. No need to tell anyone else,'' Assef
called down. I looked up at him in perplexment.
''Why won't we tell?'' I asked in German.
''Because.. If we tell then the others will put two and two together and know
we pushed him down the stairs this evening.'' Assef replied. We entered our
room and I lay on the bed.
''But.. We haven't pushed him down the stairs!'' I said.
''Not yet, kiddo. Not yet,'' he replied. I beamed up at my brother in utter
delight.
''When?'' I could hardly contain my excitement.
''Later tonight. When the others come back. We'll make it look like an
accident. Now, however, you need to sleep.'' I didn't think this would be
possible. My head was racing, after all. ''You need your rest, kiddo. I'll be
back in a few hours to check up on you. Bye, sis.''
With that, he left me to my own devices in that darkened room. I tossed and
turned as I tried to let my thoughts fade. When would we be punishing Fahrsan?
When? And would it really be safe for us? I had so many questions for my
brother. I just had to remind myself that Assef would not let me get hurt or
let me take the fall for anything.
He'd have thought this whole thing through. The sooner I slept, the sooner I
could punish my cousin for daring to raise a hand against me. I closed my eyes
and soon, I had drifted into sleep.. The evening soon came and my brother
roused me from my slumber. I sat up groggily. ''Come on, Saria. Let's go put
this plan of ours into action.'' I tiptoed over to the open door and looked
out. Assef held the window open, waiting for the single. All part of the plan.
Mama often came upstairs to read a book before bed.
I watched her ascending. Right before she reached the top shelf, I signalled to
Assef. ''Now!'' He slammed the window shut, causing her to jump and drop her
book. Mama didn't even notice and let it just lie on the ground as she hurried
to our room.
''Oh, a gust of wind must have slammed your window shut. Nearly gave me a heart
attack.'' She smiled and stroked my hair.
''I apologise, Mother. We'll leave it closed from now on,'' Assef said.
''No, don't worry about it, son. I'm actually going to relax a bit before bed.
Fahrsan's in the bathroom. Well, goodnight you two.'' We bid her goodnight and
she left. Then, we heard Fahrsan exit the bathroom. I snuck out and watched him
stand by the top of the stairs, looking at the book Mama had dropped.
I don't need to mention how dangerous and risky this is. Assef peered around
the door, waiting with baited breath as I approached, stoic. Fahrsan bent over
to pick up the book. I looked around me. Nobody else could see this. I had to
be sure that nobody would come poking around from downstairs.
Assef now stood watch at the landing. I was now directly behind Fahrsan. He
stood up, having retrieved Mama's book. I pushed him, hard. He overbalanced and
fell. Now, my brother and I knelt, hands over our mouths, watching him tumble.
His foot got caught in one of the steps and I heard a sickening crack. Then it
was over. He lay pathetically at the bottom step. Fahrsan's neck was twisted at
an odd angle. I bit my lower lip in delight. ''Good girl, kiddo. Come on,
they're coming.'' We hurriedly retreated back to our room.
Stella's screaming was so loud it nearly busted my fucking eardrums.
''FAHRSANNNN! OH MY GOD! FAHRSANNNNN!'' She yelled. I began to giggle. Assef
bit his lip and snickered as Papa came thundering up the stairs. We immediately
stopped laughing as he entered the room.
''Saria, Assef, your cousin has fallen down the stairs. Come quickly, we need
to get to a hospital.,'' he said. ''Saria, get a coat.'' I nodded and pulled my
duffle coat over my small frame. I could hardly contain my excitement.
''Come on, kiddo.'' I looked at my brother with crocodile tears in my eyes.
''O-okay.''
Assef stroked my hair and held my hand tightly. ''It'll be alright, sis. You'll
see.'' There were no words spoken as we were ushered out of the house and into
the car. Fahrsan was being held by Papa and Shareem. Shareem by the shoulders
and Papa by the feet. His head lolled like a limp noodle on his neck.
I glared darkly in his direction. Not that he could see or notice me anyway. I
remained silent as we followed their car out of the driveway. Mama and Papa
both questioned what had happened. ''I just can't believe it. We were having
such a good time. And now this?'' Mama lamented. I almost wanted to ask her
what the ''surprise'' was that they had gone to get earlier. I had to hold my
tongue though.
''Why, I mean... It doesn't...'' Papa trailed off. His knuckles were white from
gripping the steering wheel. Up ahead, Shareem sped on, swerving left and
right. Assef leaned over to whisper in my ear.
''How much do you want to bet that he'll die?'' Our parents didn't notice this,
as they were too concerned with the boy in the car ahead. With the speed
Shareem was driving, it's no wonder he didn't fucking crash. My brother nudged
me in the ribs.
I turned to face him. "Sorry, Assef, I zoned out. What did you say?"
"I said, how much do you want to bet that he's going to die?" he whispered in
my ear, giving a teasing smirk.
''With any luck.. I don't like the way his neck twisted. Perhaps we'll be going
to another funeral.,'' I teased back. We pulled into the hospital car park and
got out. Paramedics were already on hand with a stretcher and were loading poor
Fahrsan onto it. I craned my head for a closer look. Papa and Mama had run on
ahead, and were disappearing through the double doors.
''I can't fucking see. Have they taken him way yet?'' I asked my brother as we
entered the hospital.
''They must have done. I can't see him either,'' Assef replied. Stella was
crumpled on the floor, sobbing. She couldn't even speak.
''Does anyone know.. Could anyone.. How did this happen?'' Shareem asked. I
hoped they wouldn't put two and two together.
Assef looked directly at our uncle. ''Actually, I saw something at the bottom
of the stairs. Just by where Fahrsan fell. I picked it up; it was one of
Mother's books,'' he said. I looked to my mother. She reacted as I expected her
to.
''What? No? What do you mean, Assef? Are you saying he could have been picking
up my book?'' Now all eyes, including my own, were on my brother.
''It's possible. I'm just telling you what I saw. No way of knowing for sure
what happened until he tells us.'' Assef replied. He sat down on a vacated
chair and pulled me onto his lap. We waited for hours. Perhaps one, two, maybe
more. That's how it felt to me. Eventually a tall, thin Pakistani doctor
approached us. The look on his face conveyed bad news. News of death or some
other misfortune. ''We.. He had a very serious neck injury. I think you better
prepare for the possibility that he may be permanently paralysed from the neck
down.''
This word was foreign to me. We stood up, Assef wrapping his arm around my
shoulder to draw me in close. ''What does paralysed mean?'' I asked in genuine
confusion.
''It means that he can't feel anything below his neck. That he can't move his
legs or arms anymore,'' Assef explained.
''Can w-we see him?'' Stella stuttered. She leaned against her husband's chest.
''Yes, actually... He just came round and he is asking for you.'' As we entered
Fahrsan's room, I almost screamed in delight. He lay with wide, fearful eyes
glancing from me to my brother. He was attached to a heart monitor.
His parents were immediately at his side, sobbing and holding both his hands.
''Son, baby, can you tell Mommy what happened to you? Why you fell down the
stairs?'' I immediately tensed up. Fahrsan looked at Assef for a brief moment.
Assef remained emotionless.
''Khala Tanya dropped a book. I was just going to pick it up for her when I
tripped and fell down the stairs.'' Now I could breath a sigh of relief. 'It's
going to be fine, Saria. The little cunt didn't tell.'
Mama cupped her hands over her mouth. ''Stella, sister, I am so, so sorry!''
she said through her tears.
Stella brushed her hand away angrily. ''Don't touch me, Tanya! Just don't touch
me!'' she snarled. ''You should be careful, Tanya! For goodness sake.. LOOK
WHAT YOU DID!'' Mama fell to her knees and began sobbing, her head buried in
her hands.
''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!''
Papa hoisted her to her feet. ''I suppose we'd better go," he said. Stella and
Shareem trudged out into the hallway.
"We'll be back soon, darling," Stella told her son. "We just need to speak with
the doctors."
Assef glanced down at Fahrsan. "Mother, Father, is it okay if my sister and I
speak to our cousin alone? So that he knows we'll be here for him. That we love
him.''
''Okay, son. But only five minutes and we expect you two back in the car.
Understood?''
Assef nodded. ''Understood. See you in five.'' They silently slipped out the
door. Now, we were alone with Fahrsan. Assef pulled the curtain around him,
blocking us from prying eyes. He took a lock of Fahrsan's hair and slammed it
into the pillow. I knelt on a nearby chair, one hand over his chest to hold him
down.
''That was a very clever lie you came up with. You're a smart boy,'' Assef said
darkly. He leaned in so he and Fahrsan were nose to nose.
''Why? W why did you push me, Saria?'' he asked. I glared at him. I clenched my
fists and hissed at him.
''You slapped my sister, Fahrsan! How fucking dareyou! I could have killed you.
I still could, you know.'' Assef placed his hand on Fahrsan's neck. ''You
little brat, thinking you could do that to her,'' he hissed.
I leaned down and smacked him right across the face. ''You're not going to tell
on us, are you?'' I asked. ''If you tell anybody about this, or anything else,
then I promise you, being paralysed will be the least of your worries. Do you
understand?'' He blinked frantically.
I had no sympathy for him; the little cunt brought it on himself, after all.
Assef grabbed Fahrsan's chin. ''I'll ask you once more, Fahrsan. Do you
understand?''
''Yes, j-just please leave me alone, Assef. I don't wanna die!''
''Okay. You get some rest now.'' My brother straightened up and took my hand.
We took one final look at the sobbing boy. I wrinkled up my nose and spat right
on him.
''You disgust me,'' I hissed. I didn't look back at him as we left. I could
hear him sobbing. As I approached the car, I entertained the notion that
perhaps Mama and Stella would never speak again.
Whatever happened, I was glad that I had done what I did. We had driven our
point home loud and clear. Nobody fucks with the Ahmed siblings. Not now, not
ever...
***** Shocking Words *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Fahrsan violently struck Saria in the face. As
     an act of vengeance, she pushed him down a full flight of stairs,
     causing him to become paralysed from the neck down. Now we find she's
     returning to school but it won't be long before a meeting with Amir
     reveals a shocking secret...
The last remnants of winter seemed to finally be disappearing as the last bit
of snow melted outside our front lawn. I sat at my vanity desk in my bedroom,
calmly brushing my hair. ''I can't fucking believe I have to go back to school
today. Fucking shit. Why can't I just stay home?'' I grumbled to myself at the
unfairness of it all. I wanted nothing more than to curl up back in my bed and
sleep again. I knew I would be in for more than my fair share of teasing from
the other girls, especially that cunt Ahtrai. There was no doubt in my mind
that the little cow would have thought long and hard about ways to make my life
hell today.
She just didn't seem to understand the dangers of messing with someone as
violent and psychotic as myself. There was no question about it, sooner or
later she would find herself in much the same position as do most other people
who get on my nerves. I reached across the desk and grabbed a large pink
headband. As I fixed it into my hair, I thought of Fahrsan and what had
happened to him.
The very same night that we had returned home from our ''holiday,'' Mama
received a telephone call from her younger sister, informing her that the young
man had died a few hours earlier in hospital. Apparently, he suffered a fatal
heart attack and even though doctors tried desperately to save him, he ended up
flatlining and passed away in the early hours of the morning.
I didn't know what exact time it was he'd passed away and of course I couldn't
ask without seeming rude. I knew now that I was completely in the clear with
regards to what had happened to Fahrsan. Nobody would ever suspect that sweet
little Saria had anything to do with her cousin's demise. As long as I feigned
sadness and pretended to grieve for my cousin, then I knew I would fly right
under the radar. It was very obvious from the way Mama reacted during and after
that phone call that Stella still blamed her for her son's death.
Not that she would be any the wiser. Mama had dropped her book on the stairs
after all, and as far as they were aware, that was why Fahrsan had tripped. I
could give two flying fucks whether my mother took the blame for my actions or
not, so long as the blame was shifted off my brother and myself. Isn't that
what a parent is for, anyway? To take the blame when their child does something
wrong or bad. That was honestly how I saw the situation. I could care less
about the sisterly relationship that I had seemingly destroyed, or about the
boy who's life had been cut so tragically short.
He fucked with me and he payed the price. If Fahrsan hadn't smacked me then
none of this would have happened. It was his own careless, reckless decision
that had been his downfall. His anger had gotten the better of him, and he
ended up suffering greatly because of it. Yes, I know both Assef and I can be
accused of allowing our anger get the better of us, but that's really beside
the point. I hoped that wherever that little retard was, he was suffering and
in immense pain.
Hell had swallowed him up along with Zainab and that dumb dog Mr. Cuddles.
Thinking of Mr. Cuddles made me wonder how young Rashid had reacted to the
death of his best friend. Surely he must be feeling incredibly guilty for how
their relationship had ended. I giggled to myself as I thought of all the pain
and misery that I had caused. 'Sorry Fahrsan, but it was your own fault,' I
thought to myself. I felt no remorse for any of the things that I had done.
Nobody had the right to raise a hand against me the way he had, and if he had
to die for me to prove that point, then that was the way it had to be.
Just the thought of his grieving family made me almost piss myself with
laughter. The mental image of his mother's reaction to his death, the look upon
her face (which I would love to have seen) was enough to send me into
hysterics. I doubled over on my knees, howling with hysteria. The pain I caused
to others was as funny to me as a clown in the circus would be to another
child. I slammed my hand against the carpeted floor as I joyfully reminisced. A
knock on the door suddenly startled me. I sprung to my feet and began smoothing
out the sides of my dress.
I breathed in deeply, my eyes squeezed shut. My heart was still racing from my
laughing fit. I could see the door knob turning. The door creaked open as my
brother made his way into the room. I skipped over to him and wrapped my arms
around his waist, burying my face in the fabric of his shirt. ''Good morning,
Assef,'' I said, as he gently stroked the back of my hair. I pulled away from
him and grinned widely.
''And good morning to you too, kiddo,'' was his reply. I embraced him again and
giggled softly. I pinched the sides of my pink plaid dress.
''What do you think? Nice dress for school?'' I asked, running my hands down
the front.
Assef put his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the side, scrutinizing
me. ''You know what, Saria? That dress Stella and Shareem got you would look
beautiful, don't you think?'' he teased.
I pulled a face and took said dress out of my wardrobe. It was literally all
seven colors of the rainbow, with a large bow at the back and massive puffball
sleeves. It would have looked pretty on a two year old. I, however, hated the
blasted thing. Assef covered his mouth and chortled as I held the disaster up
to myself, swaying from side to side, admiring myself in the mirror.
''Fuck it, this needs to be burned. You know, Assef, if I could set my lighter
on this thing, I'd do it gladly,'' I said as I placed the piece of shit dress
back in my wardrobe. Assef laughed and playfully poked me in the ribs, making
me shriek. ''Haha, stop!'' I giggled, doubling over as he caught me round the
waist and pulled me closer to him, tickling my ribs. Who wouldn't adore this
relationship we shared?
I pulled away as Assef gently placed a hand on my shoulder. ''We need to get
going, kiddo. You got all your books?''
I nodded hurriedly. I lowered my eyes and scuffed my shoe against the carpeted
floor. ''I don't wanna go back to school,'' I admitted truthfully.
''Oh, don't you want to see Adia again?'' he asked. I thought of all the ways I
could torment my bitch, how I could make her suffer. We had a lot to do to make
up for these past few weeks. I smiled up at my brother.
''Hmm, when you put it like that.'' I pulled my long over coat out of the
wardrobe and slid it over my lean frame. My brother watched with his arms
folded across his chest. Once I had finished buttoning up my coat, I took
Assef's hand. My stomach was almost sick with nerves as we left the house.
Assef locked the door behind him then placed the key back in his pocket. The
sun peeked through the clouds in the sky above us. I lowered my eyes and
trudged along sadly by my brother's side. Assef took notice of my somber mood
and turned my chin to face him. ''Now kiddo, you know I'd let you stay off
today if I could. Mother and Father would have a fit though, and the more we
stay out of Mother's way right now, the better. Besides, just think of all your
little friends. I bet they've missed you so much.''
This elicited a laugh from me. I bit my lower lip and giggled as I imagined all
the things that I could do to my schoolmates. ''I wonder if Ara is back,'' I
said, more to myself than to Assef.
''You tell her I said hello, if you see her, won't you?'' he asked.
I nodded. ''Of course.'' We continued to walk in silence as I became lost in
thought and worry about the day ahead. No matter what my brother said, there
was always going to be that part of me that dreaded going back to school.
That part that would be feeling like a scared little girl, terrified of the
taunts and jeers I would undoubtedly be facing at the hands of Ahtrai and her
friends.
I had a serious question for my older brother. ''Assef, does Mama have
depression? Because of what happened to Fahrsan?'' I asked rather bluntly.
Assef looked down at me, a blank look in his eyes. ''I don't know, sis. I'd bet
money that she does. She certainly blames herself for what happened to him. As
does her sister, I assume.''
Again, I could care less about this fact. Assef gently placed his hand on my
back. ''I wish we could have gone to the funeral. Just to see how Stella and
Mama would have behaved around each other,'' I admitted.
Assef looked at me. ''Wouldn't you react the same way if that was your child?''
he asked.
I shook my head vigorously. ''There isn't a person in this world that I could
ever love and care for more than you. Nothing in this world that would ever
make me fall out with you the way that Stella fell out with Mama. Nothing,'' I
told him truthfully. My brother grinned at me and pulled me close.
''Such a sweet thing for you to say, kiddo. You know I feel the same way. I
loved you from the moment you were born and Father placed you in my arms.'' We
both smiled at each other. I could see the gates of the school getting closer.
The other girls ran past us, giggling and laughing like the retards they were.
My grip on Assef's hand immediately tightened as my jaw set in anticipation and
nervousness. 'What the fuck is wrong with you, Saria? You blinded one of these
bitches. You don't have to be afraid of anyone!' I scolded myself. Still, maybe
it was just the feeling of knowing one day one of these girls would push me too
far and I would lose my temper with disastrous consequences. The fear that I
held of losing control and implicating either myself or worse my older brother.
Gulping, I took another few tentative steps toward the large iron gates. I was
the only girl who wasn't running around or shouting. Assef stopped right
outside the gate. ''Well, I'll leave you here, kiddo. Have a good day. I'll
wait right here for you when you get out.'' I'll admit there was a part of me
that desperately wanted to throw my arms around my brother's waist, cry and beg
to be taken home. I steeled myself and began to walk away.
''Goodbye!'' Assef called after me. I turned and waved at him. I set my
shoulders straight ahead and continued in my journey. Adia trotted up to my
side like the obedient dog she is.
''Hello, Saria. How are you? I've missed you,'' she rattled off the words that
she knew were expected of her.
''How are you, my dear?'' I asked.
She bit her lower lip. ''Um, I'm fine, Saria,'' she stuttered. Ah, yes, I was
in total control here. With this new-found confidence I strutted through the
playground with my bitch at my side. She kept her eyes down as if afraid that I
would strike.
''How has school been?'' I asked. ''Nobody has been giving you any trouble,
have they?''
She shook her head. ''No. No t-trouble. Everybody has been super nice to me,''
she stuttered. Just as I was about to answer, something slammed into me and
knocked me right into the ground. I tumbled forward into my knees.
''Well, well, look who's finally come back,'' came the familiar voice of
Ahtrai. What did I say? I knew she would be like this. Adia immediately tensed
beside me as I lat there, cornered like a wild animal in a zoo.
Ahtrai bent forward, her hands on her knees. ''There now, Saria. Stay lying on
the ground like the filthy dog that you are!'' she said maliciously. I grabbed
Adia's arm and pulled myself to my feet.
''You're really pushing me, Ahtrai,'' I snarled at her. She looked at me like a
wild bull about to charge. I faced her head on.
''You don't scare me, Saria. You think you're so tough but you're not.'' How
many times did I have to put this girl in her place before she learned? I knew
that I couldn't lose control here, or I could possibly be seriously implicated.
''If you know what's good for you, Ahtrai, you'll stay the fuck out of my way
from now on.'' A few of Ahtrai's friends had now joined us. One of them tugged
the girl's arm.
''Come on, Ahtrai. She's not worth it. Please. I don't want to g-get in
trouble.'' The ugly cow nodded and passed by me without another word. I had to
bite my tongue to keep from screaming obscenities at her. I really wanted the
last word. Without another word from either Ahtrai or myself, we entered the
school for lessons to begin. No also we had I entered the classroom then Mullah
Fahsir Khan beckoned me over with his finger. I stood in front of him with my
eyes downcast. The obedient child.
''Yes? I'm not in trouble or anything like that, am I?'' I asked timidly.
He shook his head. ''No, nothing like that Saria, I just wanted to talk to you.
How about you and I step out into the hall?''
'How about you piss off?' I thought to myself but of course was unable to say
this. I grudgingly followed the Mullah outside to the long yet deserted
hallway. He shot straight to the point. ''I heard about what happened to your
cousin. I am so sorry, Saria. It must be hard for you to handle.''
I nodded, sniffling slightly. ''Yes, it's been tough. I still can't believe
that he's gone. But I'm okay, really. I've got my family. We're all helping
each other through it,'' I made my voice crack a bit as I said this.
Mullah Fahsir Khan placed a gentle hand upon my shoulder. ''Your father told me
what happened to him. How he fell down the stairs. Such a terrible tragedy.''
''Fahrsan's not suffering anymore,'' I spoke innocently. ''He's gone to heaven
and he's an angel now. That's what I like to believe.'' Fuck it, I should win
an award for my acting.
''As I said, your father mentioned it to me. You just take it easy today,
Saria. Don't even worry about paying attention. And you know that my door is
always open should you need to talk. About anything.''
Of course, the only person I ever wanted to confide in was Assef, but I nodded
solemnly and thanked him anyway. ''You're a sweet kid, Saria.'' Were his final
words to me before we both stepped back into the classroom. I took my seat next
to Adia as the little cow stared at me in confusion.
''What was that about?'' she asked. I whipped around to glare at her.
''None of your fucking business, that's what. Now shut your mouth before I shut
it for you,'' I hissed. She immediately obeyed and scooted away from me in her
seat. I turned my head to face the Mullah's desk and smirked slightly.
Ahtrai glared at me as I looked in her general direction. I leaned in and
whispered in my bitch's ear. ''Where's Ara?'' I asked her.
Adia looked at me sadly. ''She's been moved to another class,'' she told me.
''A special class for girls with disabilities.''
She looked at me with confusion. ''Why?''
I smiled at her. ''No reason.'' There was no doubt in my mind that she knew who
was responsible for Ara's blinding. Not that she could ever say it. The lessons
began swiftly. My thoughts were drawn away from what the Mullah was saying as I
fantasised about the things that I could do to Ahtrai.
I lay my head down on the desk and had quite a nice fantasy about slicing
Ahtrai open and using her rib bones as a fucking xylophone or something. Mullah
Fahsir Khan didn't even seem to notice that I wasn't paying him any mind, but
that didn't seem to matter either way, seeing as how he'd already told me to
take it easy today.
I eventually dozed off. A while later, I was suddenly startled awake as the
bell rang for lunch. I groggily sat up and made my way out into the playground,
tailed of course by Adia. No sooner had I settled down and began eating my
lunch then who walked over but that cunt Ahtrai.
She tossed my sandwich onto the ground and stamped on it. Rather a childish
thing to do if you ask me. She sneered at me as she did so. A crowd seemed to
have gathered around us as she waited for me to retaliate. I knew that she just
wanted to get a reaction from me. Adia immediately came to my aid like a good
slave should.
''Why can't you just leave Saria alone, Ahtrai? She's my friend and I don't
like you being mean to her.'' Ahtrai made to slap Adia, which caused her to
shrink back in on herself.
''Made you flinch!'' Ahtrai teased. Her little friends laughed.
''If you're looking for a fight then go somewhere else,'' I informed her. ''I
have better things to do.'' She hissed at me like a cat. I just sat there and
looked blankly at her. It took all of my inner strength to not retaliate.
Trust me, every bone in my body ached to put her in her place. All one day
though. All in due time. It took a few minutes but eventually the girl turned
on her heel and left me alone. Wise move. I angrily kicked Adia in the shin and
she whimpered in pain. I needed a human punching bag to take my frustrations
out on. The little bitch cowered away from me and squeezed her eyes shut as
though afraid that I would strike her. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.
''Just leave me the fuck alone, you little bitch. Go away.'' She obediently
took her leave as I buried my head in my palms. Students whizzed past me
laughing. The little cunts were really getting on my nerves now. It was so hard
to keep my cool and stop from lashing out at one of them. I could only remind
myself of the repercussions that I was going to face. The rest of the day
passed by without much fuss. I was fucking elated to be going home. I packed my
bag hurriedly and raced out into the hall.
I didn't want to keep my older brother waiting. The other girls seemed as
delighted as I was to be leaving. I slung my bag over my shoulder and trekked
outside. The sun was blinding this afternoon as I walked past the other girls.
They paid me no mind as I trudged along. I didn't know where Adia was but I
couldn't give a fuck either. I spotted Assef waiting up ahead and broke into a
run. He smiled at me as I flung my arms around his waist.
''ASSEF!'' I shrieked in joy, clinging to him, not wanting to let go. He
laughed and stroked my hair.
''And good afternoon to you, kiddo. Did you have a good day today?'' He held me
tightly and stroked my hair.
''As good a day as I could ever have,'' I admitted. I took Assef's hand and we
began to walk away. He seemed happy about something though I didn't know what.
''What's up, Assef?'' I asked, bouncing up and down.
Assef smiled and held my hand tight. ''I think Mother and Father have a
surprise for you. They were talking about it all this morning.''
''Oh? And what could it be?'' I asked.
''I know, sport, but I'm not saying. You'll like it though. I promise.'' Now my
interest was peaked. I practically begged my older brother to tell me about my
surprise, but to no avail. He was keeping his mouth shut. Nothing I said or did
could change that. I was hanging on his every word.
What was it he was hiding from me? Why was he being so secretive? My brother
and I were so close that I know it killed him to keep this from me. ''Tell me!
Tell me!'' I begged.
Assef shook his head. ''No. Not telling.'' He reached out and tickled my
stomach. ''Now stop asking.'' I giggled in delight. He squeezed my shoulder and
we continued homeward. Mama and Papa stood waiting for us at the gate. They
were both in on this as well. Papa picked me up in his arms and I wrapped my
legs around his waist.
''Hey, there's my baby girl!'' he said. ''Your big brother tell you about your
surprise?''
I nodded. ''Yes, but he kept his mouth shut. What is it? Please tell me, the
suspense is killing me!'' I looked at each of them in turn.
''Oh.. Okay then,'' Papa resigned himself. ''You know your little friend,
Amir?'' I nodded, already liking where this is going.
I smiled. ''Yes?''
''Well, Yusef offered to take you and Amir on an overnight trip to Jalalabad.''
I screamed in delight and bounced up and down like someone on drugs. This was
real and genuine. My emotions were haywire.
''Yes! Thank you! I would love to!'' The thought of seeing my beloved Amir
again was euphoric. A sudden, terrible thought entered my mind.
''Is Hassan coming too?'' I asked.
''No, Yusef says he's sick at the moment. He's staying home.''
I nodded sadly. ''That's sad. I hope he gets better soon.'' I smiled at my
brother and hugged both my parents around the waists. I made sure they knew I
was elated.
''They're going to collect you at four this afternoon. Go on upstairs and pack
some clothes, little one,'' Mama said, placing a hand on my head. I ran
upstairs, shrieking in joy. I had to put on the show of the delighted, grateful
child. I reached my room and began dancing around with pure, unbridled joy.
Finally I was going to spend time with my beloved Amir again. Get the chance to
see him after so long. And that cunt Hassan wouldn't be around either.
Brilliant!
I hurriedly packed one of my long nightgowns (this covered my ass, didn't want
a repeat of Adia's house) and a change of clothes and panties. Assef entered
the room, grinning at my enthusiasm.
''Didn't I tell you you'd be happy, kiddo?'' I hugged him around the waist and
let the tears fall.
''I'm going to miss you, though.''
Assef was understanding.''It's only for one night, kiddo. You'll have a great
time.'' He kissed me on the cheek and pulled away from me. ''Mother's making
lentil soup for us. Come on.'' I followed him out of the room and downstairs
into the kitchen. We sat down at the table where our mother placed two piping
hot bowls of lentil soup out in front of us.
''Thank you,'' I chimed. She brushed it off and left the room. Probably to cry
over her nephew's death. I looked at the clock. 3:45 PM. This was going to be
the best Friday! I hurriedly ate my soup and placed the bowl in the sink.
''I can't wait!'' I shouted in excitement, clasping my hands in anticipation.
Assef laughed at my enthusiasm, ruffling my hair. About fifteen minutes later,
I heard a knock on the door and hollered with delight. I ran to answer it.
''AMIR JAN!'' I shrieked, hugging the older boy. ''I've missed you!'' This was
no denying the raw, passionate emotions that I felt for this very cute boy in
front of me.
''I, um, I missed you too, Saria,'' he said. I looked over his shoulder and
spotted his father waiting for us in a rather large truck. I cocked my head to
the side. ''That's a big car for just us two.'' I said.
My Amir nodded sheepishly. ''Well, uh, there's some... other people coming
too.'' He told me. He wasn't fucking kidding! Dozens of fucking people sat in
those trucks... And yes, there was three of the damn things. I rode with my
Amir, his father Yusef, Homayoun, with his two wives and twin girls, and Rahim
Khan, an old friend of Yusef's.
I noticed that my Amir was oddly quiet, but thought nothing more of it. Perhaps
he just had something on his mind. What that was would shock me, but I'll get
to it later. He sat sandwiched between those twins and I sat opposite him, my
eyes downcast. Now more than ever I had to pull off the roll of sweet and
innocent Saria. I couldn't let myself do anything they would see as suspicious.
The journey to Jalalabad was a two hour trek across rough terrain. About half
way there, I heard Amir ask one of the twins, Karima, I think, if he could sit
by the window.
''No,'' she responded rather rudely. Amir sighed and placed a hand on his
temple. ''Okay but don't blame me when I get sick on your dress.'' He told the
little girl. She didn't have a response for this. I missed my older brother.
Much as I was happy to spend time with Amir, I still wanted Assef to be here
too. Did Hassan tell Amir about the rape? I wondered. The memory of it made me
giggle. Yusef attempted to get his son's attention by clicking his fingers.
Amir's head snapped up. ''What is it, Baba?'' he asked.
Yusef grinned at his son. ''I was just telling everyone about the tournament,''
he said. Everyone looked in Amir's general direction, grinning. ''There must
have been about a hundred kites in the sky that day, wasn't there?'' Amir
shifted uncomfortably.
''I guess so,'' he mumbled.
Yusef chortled and smacked his hand on the steering wheel. ''A hundred kites,
Homayoun jan. No laaf. And the last kite in the sky was Amir's. He has it at
home, a beautiful blue kite. Hassan and Amir ran it together.''
''Congratulations, Amir jan!'' I exclaimed, clapping my hands together in an
endearing gesture. The smile on my face was real. It was the memory of what
Assef had done to Hassan. I bounced up and down on my seat, putting on the show
of a little girl who was delighted at her friend's accomplishments.
The van was suddenly filled with loud, overexcited chatter as everyone
congratulated young Amir on his winning the kite tournament. Amir's face turned
an unpleasant shade of yellow. He leaned his head against one of the twin's
shoulders. ''Please pull over, Baba,'' he begged. Yusef looked back in the rear
view mirror.
''What?'' he asked.
''Getting sick,'' Amir replied, then clamped his mouth shut.
I felt sympathy for who I hoped would one day become my future husband. That
seven year old cow Fazilal shoved Amir away from her, cringing in disgust.
''Please pull over, Kaka,'' she squealed. ''His face is yellow. I don't want
him throwing up on my new dress.''
Yusef sighed and began to pull over. Amir retched a number of times, and
finally, he vomited quite a bit all over Fazilal's new dress. She yelped in
disgust and began to sob. ''Right. Everyone out so we can air out the van.'' We
all soon found ourselves sitting at the side of the road.
Fazilal continued to sob like a little bitch. ''My dress. My dress!'' she
wailed.
''We'll buy you another one in Jalalabad.'' Her father tried reassuring her. I
was sure I was going to deck the girl if I stayed any longer. I found my way
over to Amir.
''You okay?'' I asked in genuine concern. He nodded.
''Just... Car sickness,'' he said. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and lay
my head against his. You see, I'm not a total monster. I am capable of caring
for someone besides my older brother. Although the love I held for Amir still
paled in comparison to the love that I had for Assef.
I gently kissed him on the forehead, drawing him in close to me. ''We're nearly
there anyway, Saria. I'll be alright.'' Something was seriously up with him.
But what? Amir pulled back from me and started making his way back to the van.
If I didn't know why better, I'd say that he was avoiding me. Why?
Homayoun's house was almost as big as mine. There was a row of hedges that
apparently the gardener could cut to look like animals. I sat on a nearby
chair, watching the younger girls play hide and seek. My Amir dangled his legs
into the empty pool. Every time that I tried to get near him he would avoid me
like the fucking plague. This was beginning to piss me off. Saria Ahmed is not
someone who can just be ignored. I turned on my heel and skipped back inside
the house. I found my way over to the couch, sat down, picked up a book and
began reading.
I lost myself in my own thoughts as the smells of dinner from the kitchen
wafted through and into my nostrils. 'What the fuck is your PROBLEM, Amir?' I
thought to myself. I hoped the boy would see sense and show me more respect.
Either that or I'd have to get my brother to deal with him. I didn't want this.
Karima found her way over to me. 'Great. Just great,' I thought. ''Hi! Sara?''
she asked.
''It's Saria,'' I corrected her. God, this cow was annoying.
''Are you coming to play hide and seek?'' she asked me. I had no intention of
partaking in such a childish game. I shook my head.
''No. I'm just going to read.'' The child nodded and seen herself out. I
resumed my reading. Nobody else bothered me and that was how I liked it. Alone
with my thoughts. Us girls served the men their dinner later that evening then
retreated back to the kitchen. I soon found myself preened over by a group of
irritating bitches who kept cooing to me about how sweet I was.
It was as if no child more adorable on the Earth existed to them. It honestly
makes me laugh the way people can love me. If only they knew better. I
continued to effortlessly soak up their praise. To bask in their affections. It
was all just a show for these fools. It was about nine o clock when we women
were sent up to bed. I didn't really mind this, however. The sooner I got to
sleep the sooner that I could go home and see my brother again.
I changed into my nightgown and settled down for the night in the bed I was to
inhabit. I tossed and turned for hours while the twins laughed and slapped at
each other. 'God shut up! I should put a pillow over both their ugly faces.
That'd make them be quiet.' I thought in glee. It was with this satisfying
thought in my mind that I eventually drifted into slumber...
I woke a few hours later to the sound of thunder. I sat up in bed. My eyes
darted every which way. ''Assef?'' I said. I must have been thinking of him.
'Assef's not here,' I reminded myself. 'Fuck this, I need a drink.' I swung
myself up out of bed and tiptoed out into the hall, making sure not to make a
sound. The first stair creaked as I placed my foot on it.
'Shit! Please don't let anyone have heard that,' I thought desperately. I
didn't want anyone making a fuss of why I was up so late. I continued to sneak
down the stairs. About half way down, I noticed my Amir stirring in his sleep.
I crouched down and peered through the bars on the banister. He sat up
suddenly, looking all around him. I continued to sit quietly, waiting,
watching. Amir looked at his sleeping father. The next words out of his mouth
nearly floored me.
''I watched Hassan get raped.''
***** Manipulating Amir *****
Chapter Summary
     In chapter 20, Saria was shocked to learn that Amir had witnessed
     Assef raping Hassan. Now we continue with the same night...
Every muscle in my body locked into place. My heart began to beat so loudly
that I was one hundred per cent certain that it was going to burst forth from
my chest, spraying the walls with blood and gore. The thought would have been
funny, had I not been so shocked at the moment. I stayed kneeling where I was,
half way down the stairs, my nightgown barely giving me any protection against
that cool night air. Especially because of the thunder storm that was raging
outside.
I shivered, whether because of the storm or what I just heard I don't know, and
let out a loud gasp. I immediately covered my mouth with my hands. 'Stupid.
Fucking stupid Saria! Be quiet!' I thought to myself angrily. 'Don'tmake
problems for yourself!' I inwardly chastised myself. I glanced about the room,
desperately trying to find out whether anybody had seen me. None of the other
men, save for my Amir, had stirred, and even he had settled back down to
slumber.
The wind howled like an angry wolf outside, loud and furious. I wondered
briefly whether anybody upstairs had taken notice of the fact that I was gone.
How long had I been down here for? Time seemed to have certainly gotten away
with me. I clenched my fists and bit down hard on my knuckles to stop myself
from swearing left right and centre. I stared at my Amir as he slept soundly.
He was so adorable, twitching in his sleep. I wondered what he was dreaming
about.
Another loud boom of thunder nearly sent me tumbling down the stairs in shock.
I accidentally hit my toe off the bannister and hissed in pain. ''Ah, fuck!'' I
muttered under my breath. I rubbed my foot vigorously, tears welling up in my
eyes.
I honestly didn't really know what these tears were actually for. I took
another look back up the stairs.''Now why the fuck was I coming down here
anyway?'' I asked myself. I thought about it. ''Ah, yes. A drink. Right.'' I
got up from my sitting position as I walked down the stairs and into the
kitchen. The kitchen sink was still filled with the leftovers of last night.
Bits of food clogged the drains, and dirty plates were stacked high at the side
of the sink. I gagged in disgust and rolled my eyes at their disgusting
behaviours. ''Fucking pigs. Do they think it would kill them to do even a tiny
bit of cleaning?'' I thought to myself in frustration as I attempted to find a
clean glass to drink out of.
I'm actually a very tidy person and kept my things spotless. Untidiness and
laziness such as I was seeing here irked me to no end. I eventually pulled a
tall, clear glass out of a nearby cupboard. The tap hissed noisily when I
turned it on, water spraying everywhere. I stamped my feet and jumped up and
down in frustration. ''You've got to be fucking kidding me! Does nothing work
in this house?'' I swore. ''What, did a fucking Hazara build this or
something?'' I thought viciously.
I took my glass, filled it to the brim with water, and began chugging back huge
gulps. To be honest, my throat was so dry I thought that I was going to fucking
starting choking.I glanced up at the old clock tick-tocking behind me on the
wall. 6:45. If I was at home now I quite possibly would have crawled into the
bed with my brother. That was often what I did when something troubled my mind
and I couldn't sleep. Not that Assef ever minded me doing so. He was always
telling me that if I ever had a problem I should go to him.
I wouldn't go to any other person with anything either. Not even my own
parents. Assef has been more of a parental figure to me than they ever could be
anyway. Yes, it does seem strange that two siblings with only five or so years
in age difference between them would have such a relationship, but that was how
it had always been. Unfortunately, however, my brother was not here at this
time. He was probably sleeping soundly at home, not even worrying about
anything. Not in the way that I was right now anyway. I took one last glance at
that disgusting kitchen, and made my way out. I made sure to close the door
behind me as I did so.
I tiptoed barefoot towards the stairs, my hands clasped right around the glass,
hugging it tight to my chest so that it wouldn't spill. I held it as
tentatively as one would a newborn baby. Didn't want to get in trouble over
spilt fucking water now, did I? Although, perhaps somebody would slip if I did
spill it. Perhaps one of those twins would break a limb or two.
I chortled to myself at the thought. I passed by Amir, still deep in his sleep.
Little things like the way his nose crinkled and he moaned in his sleep were so
endearing to me. I wanted to curl up beside him and hold him in my arms. To
hold him and love him the way he deserved. All one day though. I knew that we
would be walking down the aisle some day. Or was this just me trying to lead
myself into some false sense of security? I truly hoped not. I bent down and
gently placed a kiss on his forehead. He didn't stir, and to my betterment I
suppose.
I walked back up the stairs, quiet as a mouse and slid back into bed. Nobody
else had awoken it seemed. Even the hell twins Fazilal and Karima were both
silent. Just how I liked it. I took another huge swig of water and gently
placed the glass on the floor by my bed. I lay awake just listening to the
sounds of the rain and thunder outside.
Every now and again I would spot a flash of lightning outside the window. I
rolled my eyes at the weather. As soon as my head hit the pillow, the thoughts
began to race once again. It seemed I couldn't get a fucking break from them.
Of course, the thought that was at the forefront of my mind in this time was
undoubtedly what I had just heard down stairs. What my Amir had just said. 'I
watched Hassan get raped.' The words resounded in my mind, echoing in my brain.
The thoughts were reverberating through my mind. It seemed that no matter how
hard I tried to push them out, they just kept coming back in. I tossed and
turned in the bed, trying my very best to go back to sleep. Fazilal belched in
her sleep, snorted, and rolled over onto her stomach.
''Disgusting pig,'' I mumbled under my breath. I wished once again that Assef
were here. Perhaps then I would have been able to sleep. Or maybe not. I closed
my eyes. I still couldn't get Amir's words out of my head. Were they true? Had
he really been there when Assef raped Hassan? I knew they had to be true. Who
would lie about something like that? I can read people very well and I was
certain that his words were one hundred percent truth. They were as real as the
sun and moon. I bit my lip as I tried once again to process them. Amir must
have been there.
And he must have been hiding somewhere in the alley. That must be why neither
Assef nor I saw him there. And if he did see it, then WHY didn't he do
anything? I mean, yes, he would have faced a dreadful punishment from my
brother for standing up to him, but that still doesn't explain the fact that he
didn't try to help Hassan. I thought that they were friends. They certainly
seemed to be close when I had the unfortunate pleasure of having the two in my
home three months ago. It was easy to tell that the retarded Hassan absolutely
hero-worshipped Amir. That he cared for him more than anybody else on this
planet.
The two seemed to have a much different relationship than the normal 'Master-
Servant' relationship. They were most definitely friends, if not closer.
Perhaps as close as brothers. I swallowed back bile at the thought. I gagged in
disgust. How could anybody touch someone like Hassan, with his Chinese face,
his round, bald head and those eyes. I felt like cutting off my hand every time
I had to touch Hamilra, the family Hazara.
I honestly couldn't understand why somebody would want to have one of those
things as a friend. A servant, yes. That was about the only thing those things
were good for. That, and to physically and sexually abuse them for shits and
giggles. They were not so much human as they were actually animals in clothing.
They were an absolute abomination and should of course be treated as such. That
was what Assef had taught me. Afghanistan was the land of the Pashtuns.
It always will be. Hazara people were the alien. The enemy. They had to be
wiped out for the sake of Pashtuns everywhere. Now why on Earth would my Amir
want to be friends with one of those things? It puzzled me. It truly did. 'But
maybe.. Amir doesn't care for Hassan as much as he likes to make out.' I
thought to myself. I know that there was no way in high hell that I could ever
just sit back and watch if somebody were to be hurting my brother.I would fight
tooth and nail to make sure that he was safe. No matter the danger. If someone
dared to lay a finger on my brother then they would pay a hefty price for it.
That price being their lives. I would die a thousand deaths to protect Assef,
and I know that he would do the same for me. That was what you did when you
cared about someone. You risked everything to protect them. If Amir had sat
idly by and allowed Assef to rape and torture Hassan in the way that he did,
then that only proved my point that he didn't give two shits about the boy.
Perhaps he was in the same mindset as me. Would I perhaps discover that my Amir
held a heart as cold as mine? That his psyche was just as damaged?
I pondered this for quite some time. Perhaps hours. I debated everything that
those words meant. Obviously I couldn't tell Amir that I had heard him. I had
no fucking clue as to how he would react. Oh my God, did he see me there? Was
that why he had been ignoring me and being so fucking difficult? I shook my
head.
No. If he had, surely he would have mention it to me. Or why would he even have
invited me up here tonight? I massaged at my temple. This constant worrying was
giving me a headache. 'That rape was one of the best things that Assef ever did
for me. And now I'm fretting over it? Fuck this. Fuck this. I'm going back to
sleep. I'll ask Assef what he thinks when I see him later. He'll know what to
do,' I thought to myself.
I closed my eyes and once again fell asleep. It was about nine or so the next
morning when I arose to the sound of Karima bouncing on my bed. ''Get up,
Saria! Get up, Saria!'' she giggled. I fixed her the cold and deathly glare
that I am known for. She grinned stupidly at me.
''Not a morning person, are ya? It's okay. Neither is my mommy,'' she informed
me. ''Well anyway, we're leaving in about twenty or so minutes so come on and
get dressed.''
I glanced out the window, divulging myself in a lovely fantasy of pushing this
bitch out and watching her fall to her death. I do not like being bossed around
by a seven year old. I covered my mouth and giggled at the thought of tying
both twins together and forcing them to shit in each other's mouths.
Karima cocked her head to the side, her hands on her hips. She actually
reminded me quite a bit of Adia when she did this. I wondered how my bitch was
doing. ''Um, why are you laughing?'' That cunt asked. As per usual I was able
to make up a lie on the spot for her. It wasn't even that much of a lie anyhow.
''I'm excited to go back home to see my brother again,'' I told her.
She nodded at this statement. ''Yes. You must miss him. Amrit, was it?'' Just
like with me, she managed to get my brother's name wrong
''It's Assef, Karima, and yes I do miss him quite a bit.'' A brief look of
uncertainty crossed her eyes when I said Assef's name. She bit her lip and
scrutinised me. I know she was thinking what Adia thought when we first met.
That Assef and I looked very much alike with our distinctive hair and eye
colour. I was proud of this fact. I liked looking like my brother.
Karima was now sitting on the edge of the bed. She swung her feet back and
forth. I reached out a hand to stop her, looking at the half-full glass at her
feet. ''Be careful. You don't waht to spill water everywhere. Now, Karima, can
I ask a big favour? Will you take this downstairs for me and put it in the
kitchen? Do you think you could do that?''
She nodded. ''Thank you. You're such a good help,'' I said in that patronising
manner one uses when speaking to a young child.
She bent down and picked up the glass. ''You need to get dressed so we can
go.'' Were the words she barked at me before she left me to my own devices in
that room.
I rolled my eyes. ''I shouldn't be taking orders from a seven year old. Who the
fuck does she think she is?'' I angrily muttered under my breath as I got up
out if bed.
''I should jab a pin right through her fucking eyes. That'd teach her to fuck
around with me.'' I took out my cream dress from the bag I had packed last
night and hurriedly changed into it.
I brushed my hair rapidly. ''Fuck!'' I exclaimed every time that I would come
across and tangle in my hair. It took fucking effort to look this good every
day. All part of that charming little lie though.
That ploy to seem as sweet as possible. I had to keep it up for obvious
reasons. I fixed my headband back on my hair and looked in the mirror. 'Not
bad, Saria. Actually quite pretty. Now remember, keep your cool around Amir.' I
knew that I would do this anyway. When did I ever slip up? A true sociopath can
easily lie and manipulate others. I guess that I fit the bill there.
I slid my blue overcoat on over my tiny frame, placed my rucksack on my bag and
left the room. I didn't even bother to make the bed. Someone else would do
that. Surely the family had a servant or something like that. I skipped down
the stairs, humming to myself. Only two more hours and I could go home. That
is, provided that Amir didn't get car sick again. That was something he would
need to work on before we got married.
Well there would be plenty of years for that. I entered the living room where
everyone was sitting around waiting. ''Ah, so I see that sleeping beauty has
awoken,'' some old bat teased. I had no clue who the fuck she was to be honest.
She reminded me a bit of Adia's grandmother, Yuri. Or wrinkled cow as I now
called her.
I nodded at this woman's words. ''I do hope I wasn't keeping you all too
long,'' I said demurely.
Yusef shook his head. ''Not at all, Saria. Not at all. You're a growing girl,
you need your rest after all,'' he told me matter of factly. I almost rolled my
eyes at this statement.
I looked over at Amir. He gave me a small, sad smile and looked away. I had to
figure out what to do with him. I had to. Yusef clapped his hands together.
''Right. Everyone into the truck and we'll start heading for home. It's
probably going to take us an hour or so longer than usual because we have to
drop everybody off at their homes.''
I honestly felt like throwing a huge temper tantrum at this statement. Not
unlike the one I has thrown at Adia's house. An extra fucking hour? Seriously?
I just wanted to go home! 'Fuck it. Perhaps I shouldn't have come.' I thought
to myself with total frustration.
That was just the way it was with my personality though. Always drifting into
the fucking negative. Still I kept my smile. Fazilal however immediately began
complaining to her mother. ''I don't wanna have to sit next to Amir. Okay? I
don't wanna! What if he gets sick againon my new dress?''
God, did this bitch not have any sympathy? Alright, I know that I can be
accused of the same flaw, but I doshow caring towards some people. Specifically
Amir and my brother. The little bitch of a cunt continued to whine. ''Mama!
Where am I going to sit?'' she half-shrieked. She really didn't want to sit
next to Amir.
I hurriedly jumped into diffuse the situation. ''Um, you can have my spot. If
you like. I'll sit next to Amir.''
''Thank you, Saria. That saves us all a lot of hassle.'' She turned to her
daughter. ''Now what do you say to Saria?'' she pushed.
''Thank you Saria.'' I brushed off her thanks with an artificial smile. I just
wanted to know what my Amir thought of my offer. Perhaps it was just how I was
today but I honestly couldn't read him. I followed Amir out into the blinding
light of the sun.
The storm from last night seemed to have let up but that was certainly not the
case for the turbulent storm in my mind. Amir and myself hung back as the
others all piled into the car. I decided to make conversation with the older
boy.
''You haven't been up in my house for a while,'' I stated matter-of-factly.
He shook his head at this statement. ''No. Well, I've just been busy.''
I rolled my eyes playfully at this. ''Well, I know how that feels. But you do
have to come and play with me again. You and Hassan of course.''
His mood immediately changed when I said Hassan's name. He bit his lower lip
and averted my gaze. I decided I would simply feign concern at this point.
''Oh, um, is everything okay?'' I asked. ''I mean, between you and Hassan.
You're not fighting are you?'' I waited for his answer. I have a way of getting
people to talk. My charm does that for me.
He sighed deeply. ''Well.. Actually.. We've just not been seeing eye to eye
lately. It's nothing really,'' he said.
I placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. ''You can tell me if you like,'' I
offered. He hesitated for a moment. I knew he was contemplating whether or not
to do so.
He shook his head. ''No, I don't know, maybe he's just being difficult. He
seems to be bugging me more than usual lately.''
I cocked my head to the side. ''Well... Have you tried talking to him?'' I
asked.
Amir nodded. ''Yes I have but he just doesn't seem to understand. I don't
know,'' he admitted.
''Well, maybe you just need to tell him more sternly,'' I said. ''I mean, of
someone's doing something that makes you unhappy, Amir jan, then you have to
tell them, and you have to be firm about it. Even if it's a friend. Don't ever
let anyone treat you with less than the respect you deserve. Do you understand
this?'' I advised him.
He nodded. ''Yes, yes, thanks, Saria jan. I understand what you're saying. I'm
going to have to talk to Hassan. Yes. Just to straighten things out,'' he
muttered to himself. We got into the truck. I knew better than to approach the
subject any further with everyone else in earshot. Karima leaned across in her
seat to give me a hug. I knew that the child genuinely cared for me. She wanted
an older friend of sorts to play with and look after her. I could never be that
person for her. I hated this child with every fibre of my being. My arms came
up from my sides to awkwardly pat her on the back.
I held her in a loose embrace, wishing I could move my hands up and around her
neck. That I could throttle her. I entertained the fantasy of smashing her
little head against the wall of the truck and watching her bleed out at my
feet. I smiled as I embraced the child. Homayoun smiled back at me. He seemed
delighted that his daughter had found a new friend. Nobody had any idea that
the sweet smile on my face was actually a smile filled with malicious intent.
Filled with horrific, violent fantasies of the things I would like to do to his
daughter. Yusef revved up the engine and reversed out of the drive. Karima slid
herself out of my embrace and back next to her sister and parents. The bratty
twins both stuck their tongues out at each other. Quite childish if you ask me.
The air was soon filled with loud, obnoxious chatter as we began to drive down
the road. Only Amir and myself were silent. I placed a gentle hand on his
shoulder, biting my lip in an innocent and sweet gesture.
I would love to have kissed him. I blushed at the thought of it. I wished so
badly that I could kiss him. We would be together one day. I hoped so at least.
Amir was deep in silence for the duration of the journey. He simply grunted
replies to anyone who tried to ask him a question or to invite him into their
conversations. I could tell that Yusef was getting rather irked at his son's
rude behaviour. Especially towards his elders who should be treated with utmost
respect. But what could he do?
He just fixed his attention on the road and continued driving. Every so often
he would look back at Amir in the rear view mirror and click his tongue in
disappointment. I just hoped that nobody would bring up the topic of the kite
fighting tournament again. We didn't need another car sickness accident.
I can't fucking say how delighted I was when we dropped the demon twins off
home. They were the second last stop before mine. Fazilal couldn't wait to get
out of the truck and she jumped right out without so much as a thank you. I
could hear her father scolding her for this fact as she went cantering up
towards her small, white fence.
Karima looked at me, her eyes bright with excitement. She clasped her hands
under her chin as though in prayer. ''You'll come and play with us again some
time, won't you, Saria?'' she asked.
I nodded. ''Yes, certainly. I would love to!'' I exclaimed in false excitement.
Do I even need to say how much I would loathe having to spend time with either
of these girls? Although if I was forced to do so you can bet they'd be as
brutally hurt as Adia often is. I smirked to myself at the thought.
After another twenty or so minutes, we finally, finally pulled up outside my
home. I genuinely was fucking elated to see it again. Yusef parked up the truck
and got out, followed closely by Amir and myself. I spotted Papa watching me
from an upstairs window. He disappeared from view and then reappeared a few
mere moments later at the front door. He unhooked the latch and opened it to
welcome me home. ''Papa!'' I squealed excitedly, hugging him round the waist.
''There's my little girl. Did you have a good time? She wasn't any trouble, was
she?'' he asked of Yusef.
Yusef shook his head. ''No, no trouble at all, Mahmood. She was a perfect
little angel.''
I placed my right leg behind my left, held out the sides of my coat and dipped
a polite curtsy. This elicited a laugh from the adults. ''Thank you for having
me. I truly enjoyed myself.''
Yusef nodded. ''Not a problem. It was our pleasure, wasn't it, Amir?'' The boy
nodded but didn't say anything.
I turned my head to my father. ''Where's Assef?'' I asked.
''Up in his room. Go on up to him if you'd like.'' I took my leave and
thundered up the stairs. I skipped my way to Assef's room. He stood with his
back to me. I snuck up behind him and hugged him around the waist from behind.
''Guess who?'' I asked playfully.
Assef let out a slight gasp and turned around. ''God, kiddo you startled me!''
he exclaimed. He bent down and hugged me tightly. I returned his embrace,
smiling to myself. ''Did you have a good time?'' Assef asked.
I nodded. ''I have something that I need to tell you.'' He nodded and sat down
on the bed. I perched myself on my brother's lap.
''What's up, sister?''
''Well, last night, when I was in bed, I couldn't sleep so I went to get myself
a drink.'' I looked up at my brother to make sure that he was listening.
''Yeah, go on.''
''I was going down the stairs and Amir woke up. And,'' I took a deep breath.
''He saw, Assef. He was there.''
Assef looked at me in total confusion. ''He saw what, kiddo? You're going to
have to be more specific. I haven't the faintest idea of what it is you're
talking about,'' he said.
I sighed deeply. ''Amir saw you rape Hassan. He said so himself.''
Assef raised an eyebrow at this statement. ''Well now, that's certainly
interesting, isn't it? So he didn't even bother to help his little fucktoy? Ha,
maybe he's not as much of Hazara lover as I'd thought,'' he mused.
''He was ignoring me for pretty much the whole evening yesterday. That I don't
like.''
Assef nodded sympathetically. ''I know, kiddo. You don't let that boy
disrespect you. He needs to learn boundaries. You know that.''
I nodded. I hopped off my brother's knee. ''Wanna go and take a walk?'' I
asked.
Assef nodded. ''Sure.'' He took my hand as we walked outside. Papa was still
talking to Amir and Yusef.
''Oh, are you two going for a walk?'' asked Papa.
Assef nodded. ''Yes. We'll be back in about an hour or so. Nice to see you,
Amir jan.'' Amir looked fearfully up at my brother but didn't answer him. His
fear of Assef was so evident in his eyes. I thought it was actually quite
endearing. Assef and I both walked away from the frightened young boy and out
into the street.
As we walked, I thought about Adia and what she was doing right now. I wanted
to find her and cause her pain just for the fuck of it. It was just how I was
feeling today. ''Ara's gone to a special class,'' I told my brother. ''Adia
told me yesterday.''
Assef's face fell slightly. ''Really? That's a pity kiddo. It would have been
nice for you two to catch up.''
I giggled at this statement. As we passed the cafe that we normally ate in
after a just because, I noticed a boy of about seventeen or so sitting staring
at us. He was a few inches taller than Assef, with dark eyes, and a stocky
build. I don't know why but the way he was looking at me sent a chill right up
my spine.
I turned to Assef. ''Who is that?'' I asked in German.
''Farsef's brother, Aarash. He goes to school with me but he cuts class nearly
all the time.'' Assef replied also in German.
I bit my lip and looked again at Aarash. He had really cold eyes. ''Come on,''
Assef told me in a gentle and loving voice. He drew me in close and led me away
from Aarash. The boy genuinely sent chills right through every core of my
being. I didn't know why this was. I decided that I would just forget about him
from now on. Assef and I continued to walk. I held tightly to his hand and
smiled widely, delighted to be spending time with the person who I loved and
cherished most in this entire world.
Assef seemed happy to be spending time with me too. The sun blazed high above
us in the clear blue sky. ''The fucking thunder storm kept me up half the night
last night,'' I grumbled.
Assef smiled sympathetically. ''I should have come too. Then you could have
stayed with me.''
I nodded. ''I wish you had been there. I would have had a much better time,'' I
said truthfully.
''Your Amir probably would have had a fit!'' Assef joked.
''Those bitches Karima and Fazilal really got on my nerves too,'' I told my
brother. ''I think Karima wants to be my friend or something. Not that it's
ever going to happen.'' I rolled my eyes at the statement.
''Oh, but you can never have too many friends, little sister. Too many
bitches.'' I bit my lip and began to laugh uncontrollably. We trekked up the
hill where the pomegranate tree was. As we were about half way up, I noticed
Amir and Hassan sitting at the tree.
I put my hand out across Assef to stop him from waking any farther. ''Huh? What
is it, kiddo?'' he asked. I looked up at the two boys ahead of us.
''Amir and Hassan,'' I said by way of answering his question. There were some
bushes near to where we were.
I grabbed onto Assef's hand and we both ducked down, hiding from view. I
strained to make out what my Amir was saying. He had a book in his hand and
seemed to be reading to the illiterate Hassan. Every fibre of my being itched
to torture that Hazara in ways more gruesome than a normal human being could
possibly imagine.
If only I could. I peered through the bushes, all my focus on the boys up a
mere twenty or so feet ahead of me. Amir bent down and picked up a pomegranate.
He bounced it up and down a few times, but not once did he eat or attempt to
eat it.
Instead he held the pomegranate out towards Hassan. ''What would you do if I
hit you with this?'' I heard him ask. Hassan didn't have a response for this.
He just stepped back from Amir, his eyes showing the obvious and total
confusion that he felt.
I bit down on my tongue in anticipation that things were about to escalate. And
escalate they did. Amir stared at Hassan head-on. ''What would you do?'' he
asked again. When he didn't get a response, he hurled the fruit right at
Hassan. Hassan gasped slightly, but other than that there was no reaction.
No anger or frustration towards Amir. Amir picked up a handful of pomegranates
and began throwing them one by one at Hassan. ''Hit me back!'' He yelled in
utter desperation. ''HIT ME BACK GODDAMN YOU!'' I felt tears of absolute joy
make their way down my face.
I shook with laughter and latched onto my brother's arm for support. Assef's
attention was completely fixed on the boys up ahead of us. Again and again
Hassan did nothing as Amir pelted him with fruit. ''You're a coward!'' Amir
scolded his servant. ''Nothing but a goddamn coward!''
At this, Hassan stepped forward a bit, bent down and picked up a pomegranate.
He walked towards Amir. 'Shit is really about to go down now.' I thought to
myself. But Hassan didn't throw the fruit at Amir. Instead he opened it and
crushed it against his own forehead, red fruit juice dripping down his face
like blood.
''What in fuck's name?'' I heard Assef whisper to himself beside me. Amir
swayed back and forth on his heels like a drunkard.
''There!'' Hassan croaked. ''Are you satisfied?'' he asked. ''Do you feel
better now?'' With that, he walked calmly down the hill. Assef and I ducked
further into the bushes, hiding ourselves from view.
Amir's legs finally gave way as he collapsed to the ground in tears. He rocked
back and forth, hugging himself round the middle. ''What am I going to do with
you, Hassan?'' He asked himself. ''What am I going to do with you?''
'I can think of a few ideas,' I thought devilishly. Amir stood up after a few
moments and made his way down the hill after Hassan. Assef and I also took our
leave. I was trembling with laughter as we made our way back home. Perhaps I
was overreacting but that was honestly the funniest fucking thing I had ever
seen in a long time.
As I sat once again in the confines of my brother's room, I couldn't stop
thinking of what I had just seen. The day had long since turned into night and
I was now dressed for bed in my long white nightgown. I rubbed at my eyes
sleepily. I honestly couldn't believe what I had just witnessed. Maybe Amir
doesn't care for Hassan at all? That was certainly how things were looking,
wasn't it?
Or maybe it was my talk with Amir that had forced him to do this. I could give
two shits either way. Amir needed to learn that Hassan was nothing more than a
filthy animal. Yawning, I slid into Assef's bed.
He looked at me in confusion. ''What are you doing?'' he asked.
''Going to sleep,'' I replied. Assef nodded, and got up to turn off the light.
''Alright, kiddo. You can sleep in here with me tonight if you want.'' He
switched off the light and climbed back into bed. I snuggled up to my brother
and wrapped my arm around his waist. ''I love you, Saria,'' he told me, kissing
my forehead.
''I love you too, Assef,'' I replied. I snuggled closer to the one person I
would ever truly love and care for, as I let my mind go blank of any thoughts.
Easier said than done, mind you. I fell asleep in my brother's arms, content
for once in my life.
***** Birthday Party *****
Chapter Summary
     In the last chapter, Saria succesfully managed to manipulate Amir
     once again. She was delighted to watch him throw pomegranates at the
     Hazara boy. Now, we find her getting ready for school again, but the
     memory of Amir's actions remain ingrained in her mind...
A good three or four months or so had passed since I had witnessed Amir pelting
Hassan with pomegranates and it was now mid May of 1975. The events of a few
months ago still often weighed heavily on my mind as I tried daily to make
sense of what I had just witnessed. Why my Amir had reacted the way that he
did. What had possessed him to throw the fruit at Hassan. Why Hassan had not
even once attempted to stand up for himself. Well I knew the answer to that
question, anyhow. It was because, just like my Amir had said, Hassan was just a
stupid coward. That's all. I sniggered to myself at the memory.
The red fruit juice dripping down Hassan's face like blood. Oh, how I wish it
had been blood! I wished I could split Hassan's skull right open and take a
look at his brains (or, at least, the little brains that he has) and watch them
ooze out of his skull and down his ugly face. I wanted to gauge out his
eyeballs and choke him with them. To gut him like a fish. To hang him from his
own intestines. To flay him alive. All wonderful fantasies that I would make
reality in a heartbeat if I could. I thought about how Amir had pleaded and
yelled for Hassan to hit him back. Why? Why would he want to be hit? Why would
he want to give someone the power to hurt him? And especially a Hazara of all
people.
It made absolutely no sense to me, and no matter how many times I tried to make
sense of it, to think of reasons why Amir would want to be hit by Hassan, I
came up a blank every time. Even my brother, when I'd spoken to him about it,
seemed to have no clue as to why Amir would have wanted that. He was just as
confused as I was. It was a true conundrum. The sun was blazing in the open
windows of the crowded classroom. Stupidly, I had decided to wear one of my
cotton pinafores, the blue and white one with the heavy, itchy material. I wore
a white shirt underneath it which was adorned with printed rose petals on the
cuffs.
I had long since given up trying to plait my hair, the way I used to when I
wore this outfit, (which still fucking fit me even though I've had it since I
was nine or thereabouts) and had instead left my hair loose with just a
matching blue ribbon clipped into the side. I must have looked absolutely
fucking ridiculous, especially compared to the other girls who were dressed in
skirts and t-shirts. Even my bitch, sitting beside me with her head down,
looked a damn sight nicer than I did. Still, these dresses and ribbons are all
a part of the game.
That deceptive little lie to make me seem as innocent and naive as possible.
The game had to be played every day, irregardless of how fucking ridiculous I
looked or felt. No matter how much of a fool that I must have looked like right
at this very moment in time. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. The fucking
chair was making the backs of my thighs itch.
I knew that I couldn't fucking scratch myself without seeming disrespectful and
rude. 'Fucking chairs, you'd think they'd have better fucking things to sit on
and especially since I have to be here for five fucking hours of the day,' I
thought to myself. I almost wanted to lay my head down on the desk and go to
sleep. I knew this was out of the question however.
Mullah Fahsir Khan had long since forgotten about what Papa had told him about
Fahrsan. He wasn't going to give me the same treatment I had been receiving
months ago. I was now being treated the same as any of the other girls and that
meant I had to behave myself and try my best to pay attention, or at least
pretend to do so.
I wouldn't get away with taking a nap now the way that I would have a few
months ago. I glanced over at Adia. Her attention was fixed on what the Mullah
was writing in chalk on the blackboard. She had moved her chair as far as she
could into the corner of her desk. I knew she was just as fearful of me as
she'd always been. She placed one hand on her stomach and held it there.
I wondered how well her stomach was healing up from when I'd burned her on my
birthday. I knew it had to have healed pretty damn well now, but the scars I
had left on her mind would never heal. They were eternal and indelible. I knew
I must have caused some severe forms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Thinking this way made me wish that little Ara had not been moved to a special
class. I wondered how she would react to seeing me again.