Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/9410174.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, No_Archive_Warnings_Apply, Underage
  Category:
      Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan, 進撃の巨人_|_Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack
      on_Titan_(Movies)
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager, Levi_&_Eren_Yeager, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin)/Original
      Character(s), Mikasa_Ackerman/Armin_Arlert/Eren_Yeager
  Character:
      Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Eren_Yeager, Mikasa_Ackerman, Armin_Arlert,
      Erwin_Smith, Hange_Zoë
  Additional Tags:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager-centric, Dominant_Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Levi_Loves
      Eren, Eren_Loves_Levi, Ereri_Fluff_Day, Ereri_Week, Corporal_Levi_
      (Shingeki_no_Kyojin), POV_Eren_Yeager, POV_Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin)
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-01-21 Completed: 2017-01-27 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 8946
****** Demented Inamorato ******
by Demoneyedwanderer666
Summary
     The sky looms above them and whispers sweet nothings in their ears,
     the more they listen the more they end up letting their colors and
     emotions bleed out.
     They find each other in the vivid shades of blue and green. And their
     love remains.
     Eren exists among the wreckage of this world and his mind, but
     strangely Levi is present in both of them. His wish for a better
     world still remains, but maybe the better world that he had so longed
     for had never existed outside the walls, and the only salvation he
     could find was within his grasp all along?
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
His eyes remained still and electric as his feet landed on the wet ground, his
cape flew behind him and it glorified his arched back even more as you breathe
in his majestic divinity. He remained in mid air, frozen it seems, somehow he
refused to feel the ground beneath him even when he stood stiffly. His eyes
were plastered on the blood that accumulated on his worn out boots, the same
blood remained on the blades he held in his grip, fortunately he himself has
made it out in one piece. The man looks up towards the sky, his jaw relaxed and
smooth by the strange warmth that invaded his lungs and throat, he breathed and
sighed and made no sound as he did it, the silence that crept from his lips was
undecipherable and yet somehow broken. His bewitching stature remained still
for a few moments more until he suddenly shifts in his spot, his head begins to
turn and now he's...looking. His mouth remains as a frown as his wounded head
turns, the sadistic aura intensifies as the turning stops and his face is
directed towards you. His black locks cover his eyes and half of his face as he
tilts a little more, strange marks and cuts appear on his cheek and on his
upper lip and soon his eyes begin to soften, his gaze becomes warm and
salubrious as he continues to stare in your direction. You feel your chest
tighten as you look at the figure, the strength in his arms and legs were
slowly fading but even so he kept his feet firmly on the ground. A numbing
feeling invades his throat and so he slightly gasps and lets the blood drip
from his swollen lips, and soon his eyes begin to bleed too. The stinging
forces him to wince and close his eyes in frustration, never has there been
such horrific beauty in your eyes, but even so you continue to watch and wallow
in the despair that this man has created. A neat trail of blood flows down on
his pale cheeks and it hid the black bags under his eyes, years and years later
those markings were finally gone.
You reach out miserably, hoping that you could shelter him in your arms somehow
and help him survive the pain, but the darkness in your heart begins to
manifest.
Rot. Rot. Rot. Die. Die. Die.
Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye
****************************
'Do you ever think about things that are out of your own control?' Eren spoke
softly as he looked at the Corporal's back. Eren lay in his bed and completely
delved into its comfort, he kept tracing his hands over each other as he waited
for a response. Captain Levi was seated a little further from his bed on a
comfortable wooden chair where he continued to look at some files that Hanji
had left him. The folder he looked at contained pictures and symbols of some of
the recent experimentations that have occurred over a small period of time.
Eren was aware that the corporal wasn't able to read and write but his
willingness to understand the bizarre scenarios regarding the titans had always
driven him, and therefore Hanji created these versions just so he could catch
up somehow.
Levi turned in his seat and placed his arm over the back rest as he replied
cautiously 'Such as?'. Eren turned his face towards him and blinked several
times before he came up with an answer 'You know, things like... God and how
the universe was born'. Levi pursed his lips a little before he returned to his
work once more, Eren was a little confused and he thought that maybe he was
bothering his superior too much. He sighed silently as he buried his nose in
the warm pillow. 'I've never really bothered with these topics as much. There
were other matters that I needed to think about before I could contemplate
about different things' he replied calmly as he went through his pages and
neatly piled them up. Eren looked towards him as the corporal dragged his chair
outwards and stood up; his legs moved freely in his loose black pants and it
was nice to see him out of the uniform for once. He turned and looked at Eren
as he placed his hand on his waist and ran his other hand through his hair. His
black shirt also hung loosely on him and looking at his comfortable state made
Eren feel warm and drowsy. 'I always wonder about those things, from time to
time. Armin and I were always going nuts about things beyond our reach, I once
remember reading a sentence that told us how stars were created and all I could
think was.. Just? How? You know?. It amazes me how much we don't even know, and
I was wondering if you ever had such thoughts' Eren replied with a small smile
on his face. Levi's lips also curled but it didn't really count as a smile; he
took a few steps towards the window which was much nearer towards Eren's head
hence he positioned himself so he could look at the captain perfectly. Levi
stood with his arms crossed as he looked out of the window,his leg crossed over
the other and he straightened his back, he looked taller and stoic as he stood
'Hmm. I guess I was always fascinated by the sky too, so I understand what you
mean' Levi spoke in a soothing tone as he turned and met Eren's eyes
'Unfortunately I never really had the time to think about it or learn about it
since I joined the scouting legion'. Eren sensed a hint of regret and sadness
in his monotonic words and it had made him feel a little distant from his
captain, but even so Eren gave a warm smile to the captain and responded 'I'll
read a book or two about it, so I'll tell you then!' He beamed. Levi gave out a
sigh as he moved away from the window and crouched in front of Eren. 'You don't
have time for those things you just need to focus on getting better. That'll be
beneficial for all of us' Levi claimed as he pulled on Eren's hair slightly.
His fingers felt smooth as they grazed Eren's scalp and the sensation was more
comforting rather than scolding. 'Well, as I'm healing I could read a book in
bed or something. It gets really agonizing here when I have nothing to do, it
won't strain me or anything' Eren complied as he met his captain's gaze. Levi's
sensual grip loosened and he backed up until Eren could see him fully, Levi
clicked his tongue at him but a small grin had appeared on his lips. Eren knew
that he had caught his interest this way and somehow he became more driven to
fulfill his promise. Levi began to leave the room as he walked quietly in his
leather shoes. As soon as Eren saw him go out he calls out to him 'Goodbye
Heichou!', Levi stood at the doorway for a few seconds before he replied softly
'Goodbye Eren' and clicked the door shut. The sudden silence began to inundate
in the room and Eren felt like coughing his heart out. He hummed quietly and
closed his eyes slowly as he started to think about the warmth he was
surrounded by, the sheets were thin and plain to look at but it felt luxurious
if you compared it to the scratchy blankets he used to sleep on before. His
humming fades as he slowly drifts away.
He had dreamt of a starry night sky in his sleep, and the corporal lay directly
under it, but strangely instead of looking up he covered his eyes and wept.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     'I can still feel it... the blood in my eyes'
Chapter Notes
     WARNING: If you haven't been following the SNK manga then do not
     proceed, this chapter contains a major spoiler regarding one of the
     fan favorites and I don't want to ruin anything for you all! Proceed
     at your own risk,
     I hope you enjoy it :)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The walls of the castle echoed with worn memories and silent regret as the
scouts returned. The conquest of Zhiganshina had proved to be a success after
their recent occurrence with the colossal and armoured titan but even so they
entered the castle grounds silently. Only some of the members were allowed to
come back because of their injuries and unstable condition, the group consisted
of Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Eren and their supervisor Levi. Sasha had
dehydrated and exhausted her body extensively while Mikasa, Connie and Armin
remained unbalanced by the fatigue. The horses dragged a cart behind them and
loud cracking and irritating sounds erupted from the wheels. The cart contained
one more individual but it was unfortunate to say that he did not survive.
Levi had covered his captain's face with his jacket before he fully covered his
body with a white sheet, somehow it unsettled him to let Erwin watch the sky
above, a sickening feeling flowed through his stomach as he saw Erwin's
dismantled and torn up corpse shake in the cart. A swollen mould began to
appear in Levi's throat whenever he crossed paths with it and so he tried to
keep his distance. The horses moved steadily as they followed the track back,
gladly no titans had appeared over the last few hours and they were able to
reach their destination with ease. Levi glanced at his injured soldiers as he
lead them swiftly, everyone was drained and they were stressing over the recent
events, but he couldn't do anything to console them.
He then looked at Eren, he remained stiff on his seat and his shirt was torn
from the collar and his sleeves, he held the reins in a loose grip as his horse
walked slowly, Eren catches Levi looking at him and instantly he looks away.
Levi could see his heated frustration and somehow his emotions seeped into his
own skin, he understood too well what he was going through and even now he
refused to look him in the eye. Levi was angry, a profuse hatred existed in his
heart and that was the only thing that drove him here in the first place. He
remained committed.
The circumstances had been reckless and he had followed his intelligence and
instinct, the serum belonged to Erwin, he should've been the one who survived.
Levi grinds his teeth and grips on the reigns even tighter as he dashes towards
the gate, farther from his soldiers.His grip had brought back the memory of how
the injection felt in his filthy bloody hands, and it reminded him of Eren's
fury as he stood before him in the dust filled air. Both of them felt numb as
they stared at each other, the distance between them kept closing as they felt
their rugged breathing on each other's skin, their blood began to boil the
longer they stood next to each other. Was it a mistake?
In the end Armin lived, Erwin commanded it, he wanted it to be that way.
Levi looked at the clouds in the night sky and let out a groan, the sound of
the wind bursted in his ears and his anger still remained.
The burial was steady and quiet, they uttered no word as they followed Levi's
gestures and commands. Soon after the troops had retired to bed quite early
even without the captain telling them to do so, several rooms became vacant and
Levi allowed them to sleep separately tonight. Mikasa and Armin had remained
calm and they had made dinner for the others, everyone sat at the table in
silence as they ate and left instantaneously, Eren barely ate and he was the
first to leave, Levi remained until he was the only one left in the dining
hall.
An hour had passed since then, Levi took small steps towards the room upstairs
where he knew Eren would be, the castle was murmuring and whispering as the
wind entered through the narrow gaps in the bricked structure, a strange chill
went down his spine as he gulped in and entered without hesitation. To his
satisfaction Eren lied awake in his bed. He was cleaner now and the dim
lighting made his eyes look even more darker than before; Eren looked at Levi,
he was slightly confused but soon the remembrance of their last encounter
started to unveil and Eren looked away with a frown on his face. 'You shouldn't
be here. I don't want to see you right now' Eren spoke hoarsely 'Well what do
you know, I'm still here either way' Levi mused sinisterly. Eren grew agitated
and his irritation showed in his eyes, he blinked slowly as he kept himself
contained, Levi didn't wish to anger him even more so he continued with his
words 'I hope you understand what happened today, its going to get messier from
here on out and I expect you to control your emotions more. It'll be necessary
for you further on' Levi spoke in his strict and disciplined tone, Eren seemed
dazed as he refused to make eye contact, Levi was getting angry again but he
decided to let it go, it was better that he just finished and left 'I had no
intention of saving your friend, my decision still stands and I don't want you
patronising me for it. Next time we can't let these stupid emotions take over
and instead of acting like a deranged maniac it would be better to think before
going against your superior-'
Without hesitating Eren stood up from his bed abruptly, he was straining
himself by keeping his eyes tightly shut; Levi took a step back and became wary
of the position he was put into. Eren was angry, but the heat emitting from his
skin had begun to cease after a few minutes, he unclenched his fists and
allowed his free hand to go through his brown locks. Levi's shoulders felt
lighter and relaxed as he placed his feet firmly, the clicking sound of his
boots bounced off the walls in the process. 'I-. I didn't wish for his death
either... But I- I guess I just...' He continued with his broken sentences 'I
understand. You don't need to express yourself any further' Levi spoke calmly
as he closed his eyes. Breathing in he looked at Eren; who's sitting on his bed
comfortably now, his skin radiated a sense of solace which crept into Levi's
pale and lifeless skin.
'I'm sorry for the mess today, and for every mess I'll create in general' Eren
spoke softly as he bit his lip, Levi could tell that his emotions were slipping
out little by little and sadly he ended up breaking him too, piece by piece.
Levi walked towards Eren and sits in front of him with ease, before Eren could
even look up Levi had pushed him down into the ruffled sheets, going deeper and
deeper. He looked up at him and felt his held in tears leave his eye,
embarrassed and dazed by the situation Eren's heart begins to race and his
veins pop even more under his skin. Levi directs his gaze towards Eren's cheek
and he clears away the wetness with his thumb. Levi's lips curl as he hums
quietly and bends even further down, his chest is centimeters away from Eren's
as he breathes vehemently near his face. Levi knew that his head was twisting
and rotating by now but even so he continued.
Levi bit into Eren's neck, passionately at first but for a moment he felt that
he cut in way too deep, Eren was shivering underneath him but in no way does he
push him away. Levi kissed his neck and spoke in his ears sensually 'make me
stop'. He repeated it over and over but instead of replying Eren buried his
face into Levi's neck, gripping him even tighter with his cold hands. Levi
smiled at his response and sank into the pleasure, his kisses trailed all over
Eren's torso as he kept his pace, Levi had unbuttoned his white shirt and and
buried himself in his skin, his scent, in him. Eren's satisfied noises exploded
in Levi's ears as he kissed him profoundly, his tongue and greedy lips were
overpowering his own as he moaned. Levi kissed his body tirelessly, tracing
small marks and bruises as he went lower and lower. Levi pressed his lips onto
Eren's stomach as he stopped briefly 'Make me stop' he hushed as he reached for
Eren's hand, he wanted Eren to answer harshly so that he would have a reason to
be mad at him again, but instead he complied.
He complied, and complied, and complied.
Levi had no remorse with his body, he continued to bite and scar his skin with
every breath he took and Eren willingly surrendered, enjoying every single
contact. Levi was numb by Eren's insides, a blinding euphoria invaded him
before he realised how deep he was. Eren quivered in his grasp and Levi soothed
him with his lips as he cried out, his mouth hummed as Eren gasped and moaned
with desire, his clammy palms tickled his back until he grasped onto Levi's
hair and pulled him down, deepening their kiss. Moments pass as they intensify
their touch and sensations as they were swaying and blending; Levi drains Eren
and himself dry before his strength vanishes and he collapses on the bed. Eren
faces him now, his face red and plum by the exhaustion, Levi also remains on
his side as he struggles with his breathing, he watches him with his lidded
eyes and he pulls him in. Eren's soft hair tangle around Levi's fingers as his
lips trace each and every inch of his face, Eren is chuckling now under his
small breaths and Levi had no intention to stop. Eren's eyelids began to sink
over his sea glass eyes as he kisses Levi's jaw and then his lips, the swollen
softness had permeated in Levi's tongue and his skin and for a moment the rush
had gotten to his head. Their sleep deprived bodies were tangled up in each
other and Eren murmured into his captain's hair 'Did you stop?'. Levi hummed
back as he refused to open his eyes, a little shuffling in the bed once more
and he hears his voice again 'Huh.. That's too bad I guess... I wish I wasn't
too tire-' Eren dozes off with a small grin on his face. Levi positioned
himself and shifted a little upwards to meet Eren's lips again before he pulled
him into his arms.
He had dreamt of Eren that night, he was gazing towards an endless blue void,
very much like the sky. He reached his hand out and took a step forward before
he fell down, further and further and further.
He continued to fall, even when he covered his eyes and wept in pain.
Chapter End Notes
     I'll be writing some extra fluff in the next chapter, I hope you
     liked it up to this point! and I plan on getting better! Thank you
     for your patience <3
     :)
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Summary
     "Can we be the stars? Or maybe even the light that they create? I
     wonder if souls could express themselves that way."
     "If a soul could, how would it show itself?"
     "Maybe with laughter, or words, or maybe even a kiss?"
     "Haha, you think you're pretty clever huh Eren?"
     "Clever, maybe not. But Unique; I am"
     "Yeah, you are"
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
'Eren? Why are you taking so many of those?' Mikasa interrupted as I was
stacking a few books on one another, startled by her question I answer
cautiously, making sure I don't sound completely idiotic 'I just needed some
time to cool off, that's all. It keeps me.. Determined, I guess'. Mikasa smiles
at me, she looked so beautiful as the last bit on sunlight sank into her skin,
her health had stabilized and she was eating much better than she was before
'Haha, you and Armin need to stop doing this to yourself, I know how much you
want to learn about the world and all.. But Eren, I just want you to-'.
'I know' I interrupt her in my softest voice, my grip on the books become
tighter and I give out a sigh before I answer again ' I know Mikasa, I'll make
sure that it won't get over my head. I promise, okay?'. I started to walk off
without even knowing and all I could hear from Mikasa was a brief sigh as she
crossed her arms in distress; I completely understood what she meant, but I
guess even she knows that its already too late for me to turn back now.
The expedition has been delayed for now, the incidents in Zhiganshina have
still left its effects on the team, not only did we loose our commander but we
lost so many soldiers to the beast titan. In other words... All of them, and
only the nine of us minors survived.Nine.
Was this really happening? I still couldn't believe that I was able to draw my
breath right now, I had all of my limbs and legs and eyes, I was in perfect
shape compared to the others. After learning about my father's past I still
somehow refuse to believe that the world he spoke of was as terrible as this,
as if there was no end to all of it. Was everything Armin and I read about
completely false? Were we just caught in their twisted words and lies? The same
words that spoke of endless landscapes and regions that went way beyond my very
grasp?
I guess so. But even now I'm holding onto those books, the same books that have
given me a somewhat incomplete explanation of this realm. And here I was, just
a boy whose conscience had abandoned him. I enter my room quietly and find
myself beaming at the sight, Levi sat on his wooden chair and faced the small
window on the pale wall in front of him, he kept his legs crossed and his hands
swayed a little on the arm rest, he heard me come in and turned around, he wore
a tired expression and his metallic blue eyes looked a little dimmer than
before, he smirked at me before he turned back and stayed in his previous
position. I closed the door behind me and placed the books on the edge of the
table, I gazed through the covers once more just out of fascination. The depth
and tenacity of the soul. Metaphysics and the world, The theory of evolution
and the species beyond and several others which I couldn't really bother
pronouncing, but the mere curiosity made me raid through Hanji's small stack
that she happened to find in every collapsed home or town she was appointed in.
I felt Levi's warm fingers slide into my left palm, he entwined our fingers and
held my hand in a tight yet comforting grip. I completely zoned out for a few
minutes and I was startled by his affection ' I'm so sorry, did you need
anything?' I ask calmingly, his hand is still in my own and he just gives a
little shrug 'No, nothing really'. I let go of his hand and stand in front of
him, once my shadow fell on him I could perfectly see his gorgeous black locks
covering his eyes, mystified by the sight I bend towards him and place a small
kiss on his cheek, my lips felt warm on his check bone and I could feel his
sigh on my collar bone. My hands rested on the edge of the arm rest and I
pulled back, a few inches away from Levi's face. 'What was that for?' Levi
questions with a brief smile, clearly he was satisfied by the attention I was
giving him, or maybe his smile was sarcastic and he was clearly pissed about
something and he wanted to lash out on me?.
I thought I wouldn't give an answer at first, but in the end I just smiled
slightly and said 'Nothing, really'.
**************
'I don't think I like this part of the book...' Eren spoke as he read from a
hard bound cover book in his long fingers, he's placing his head on my chest
while I'm sitting upright with my back placed on the bed rest. The castle
grounds was flooded with rain water and the storm still continued outside, the
dark clouds created an ominous lighting in the cramped room and a small lantern
was placed beside me for Eren's pleasure. His head applied an ample amount of
pressure on my chest but I let him stay that way so that he could tell me about
his book more. 'Why? What happened?' I ask as I bury my nose in his soft hair,
he smelled like the rain, but only partially. I wrap my arms around him and
clasp my hands under his chin as he continued reading ' It's talking about
these sea creatures known as sharks, and well they have different types and
there's this one shark.. Wait' he squinted his eyes even more so that he could
pronounce the name properly 'Meg- a- lod-on? I think that's it'. I placed my
chin on his head and made him lean in closer 'And what is it that you don't
like about them?' I asked curiously. Eren's eye's kept popping as he read in
his head 'They can grow up to 60 ft, and they eat meat...' He spoke up, a hint
of terror in his voice. I was amused by how childish he looked as he read the
scribbles and sketches with such awe 'So in other words they're the Titans of
the sea?' I spoke humorously, I laughed at the mere coincidence of a monster
that existed on both land and water. Eren closed the book abruptly and placed
it on his chest as he hummed miserably, the mere thought of another man eating
monster gnawed at his brain. The rain kept hitting the window quite hard as the
shadows began to darken in the room, all of a sudden a sound of a thunderclap
bounced off the walls in our room and I ended up gripping onto Eren's arms
unconsciously, the light existed for only a millisecond before it disappeared
again.
I hated the rain.
Eren noticed my actions and I still pretended that I was calm but he caught me.
He was looking up at me suspiciously but his eye color melted in the lantern's
light and he brought himself closer. Eren was kissing my neck and he kept going
up until he stopped in front of my face, he's turned his body around now and
our eyes are connected 'Heichou?' He asked, concerned by the look of my
expressions. I bite my lip out of frustration, his features were even more
crisp and redefined in my eyes and I couldn't stop staring at him. I kiss him
unexpectedly and I hold him in a tight embrace, he's mewing and enjoying the
sudden change in the mood as I took away all of his unsettling thoughts. A few
bites and caresses later I let him go and feel his chest heave on my own, his
strong build was so satisfying to grab that I refused to let him go even now,
my hands are on his waist and I tease him by placing my cold hands on his bare
skin. He jolts at the sensation and gives out a small 'Oi!' In response. Eren
then hugs me, keeping his lips close to my ear as he ran his hand on my
undercut and then latches onto my hair 'Heichou, I know you're kind of upset
about something right now but.. You know that I'm here with you, right?' Eren
mumbled in an adorable tone that made me hug him back ' I know you are' I reply
as I nuzzle into his shoulder. 'All I want to say.. Is that- everything's going
to be okay. So you shouldn't be sad right now, over whatever that's bothering
you' he replied confidently before he buried his head in my neck out of
embarrassment.
His gesture made me smile, the only thing I could think was 'Maybe Eren, but if
only you knew.' My heart was clinging onto this boy, what was wrong with me?
Have I really gone over my head after all?
Might as well I guess.
I lifted Eren's head up and bit his collarbone, I sank my teeth into his warmth
and began kissing him gently, he shrieked at the sudden contact but he melted
away instantly as I continued to arouse him. He started to laugh as I forced
myself on him and I couldn't help but smile and seduce him with every breath I
took. Out of pure instinct I crack a joke and say 'I'll be the megalodon shark'
in his ear and I could see Eren's pure disgust on his face 'Heichou! That's not
funny!' He whines as he draws himself away, completely gotten out of the mood.
I pull him back and kiss his neck as I unbuttoned his shirt, reflexively I suck
and bite on several parts of his chest, he's clearly forgotten about my
pathetic joke and I just laugh under my breath, it was fun to manipulate with
his moods this way.
The rain didn't stop for a second that day, and Eren and I never separated from
the comfort that had surrounded our vessels.
****************************
‘Eren lets head out, the others might be waiting for us by now’ Armin spoke as
he grabbed onto Eren’s arm slightly, he was looking towards the other direction
of the hall where the stairs began around the corner, Armin was slightly
concerned as to what Eren was thinking but he knew that it was something that
would bother him further on if he didn’t finish it right now ‘Okay, you do what
you need to right now, I’ll be waiting for you near the stables’ Armin rushed
as he walked away with his steady pacing, Eren turned around to stop him but he
was already far gone. Eren looked at his boots and gritted his teeth in worry;
he couldn’t understand whether he should go back one last time? Or just leave
it be for now? He decided on the latter but his feet moved in the other
direction. He climbed the stairs quickly and reached outside his door and
pushed it in silently. He started to absorb his atmosphere and he inhaled the
slightly burnt yet cold smell of his room. The table was slightly worn out
towards the corner and on them several books were scattered about. Eren took a
few steps forward and started to tidy up before he noticed something inside the
pages, a slight cracking sound erupted as he opened one of the books and
discovered a red ribbon between the pages, there were several other parts of
the book that were marked similarly but with different colored strings. Eren
had no recollection of doing this; slightly confused he placed the book back
and turned around. He placed his hands on the desk and placed himself on the
edge of the table slightly; he closed his eyes again and just paused. Eren
wondered if the pages were marked by Levi, he imagined him finding a specific
piece of cloth of different colors and how much it must’ve angered him to find
the perfect amount and shade, Eren laughs and hums at the thought and for once
thanked him again for keeping his mind busy.
That’s all there ever was in his head, Levi. Levi. Levi. How the softness of
his skin would invade his own, how his quiet eyes and shuttered lips always
made him think more, more, more, I want more!. Levi’s fury still remains in his
memory, how they fought one another on that god forsaken rooftop in
Zhiganshina, after that incident he knew he hated him, and Eren knew that he
hated him immensely. But it turned out to be the complete opposite, in a way
Eren couldn’t understand between his hatred and his passion, why was it so
difficult? Especially now? Eren drew his breath and opened his eyes only to see
someone standing in front of him.
‘You really need to stop doing that, the lack of focus will end up getting you
killed’ Levi grimaced as he unfolded his arms and drew in closer ‘Why are you
still here? We need to head out’.
‘Yeah, sorry I was just- I just forgot something’ Eren pursed his lips and
walked towards the window ‘wait, why are you here? Weren’t you supposed to
leave before us?’ Eren suddenly remembers as he faces his superior, Levi placed
his hand on his waist and started grabbing at his jacket sleeve slowly before
he responded.
‘I guess… I forgot something too’ He smirked as he started to look up and see
him blush, Eren felt so embarrassed and shy all of a sudden as his emotions
overflowed, the rush in his head had made him feel numb and obscenely happy. At
this moment they were both drawing towards each other, slow at first but soon
they rushed into each other and just… amalgamated. Eren held his waist so close
that he could feel his bones poke into his own, he lifted him off the ground
and buried his face in his scent, the leather from his jacket blended with
Levi’s scent and it created a chaotic cluster of tastes in his mouth, all of
Levi tingled on Eren’s lips and he wished it wouldn’t stop. Levi drew away
slightly and pressed himself onto Eren, their lips connected as Levi captured
Eren’s hand in his own. They smiled and took pleasure in their movements and
taste before they stiffened a bit, but they never stopped.
Eren suddenly felt heavy, and the weight on his chest made him choke as Levi
continued kissing him and his neck, the sheer thought of losing this feeling
caught up to Eren soon enough. He held him in closer, burning every sensation
and touch to his memory, he began to remember everything he knew about Levi,
like how his heart would beat hysterically when Eren would nuzzle on his chest,
how every time Eren complained he’d receive a smack to the head, but in many
instances a passionate kiss so that he would shut up somehow, and how he would
always ignore Eren’s gaze towards the others and in private he would devour him
fully with excitement by his blue irises. All of it felt like a distant dream
that he would lose soon, and Eren ached at the sudden realization of it.
‘Oi look at me, come on’ Levi breathed out as he parted from Eren’s lips; he
saw that his thoughts were clouded again and he was finding it difficult to
fathom the situation. Levi confined his beautifully structured face and held it
close, Eren’s eyes were wide now, and grasping onto every word his captain
spoke ‘You’ll meet me here once we come back, okay? Just you and me’ Levi spoke
softly as their foreheads connected, Eren’s lips were quivering but he kept his
composure.
‘Will I? Will I really see you again?’ Eren stammered as he placed his hands on
Levi’s, he held onto Eren’s face and he was hesitant of letting him go so soon.
‘I know we will, have a little faith in me okay?’ Levi sighed as he kissed Eren
again, swallowing every blubbering noise he made as he melted into his embrace.
He wanted to reassure him with better words, but this was the only thing he
could come up with. Eren kissed him back with a craze and Levi took him in,
every ounce of heart and soul he could unravel in his eyes, he took it all.
A sudden memory flooded Levi’s mind, he thought of the time when Eren read him
a beautiful sentence from a book, the sentence seemed blurry now but he
remembered the premise of it, the book spoke of how the human soul was free,
pure, unique even; and the soul was manipulated and tampered with by its human
exterior; and that the death of the body didn’t matter because the soul could
never change and it could never be replaced. Eren had compared the soul to the
skies, and the earth, and how similar a soul is to a falling star that escaped
from its own world and fell onto ours, and how similar we humans are because
that’s what we wanted to do too, escape. Levi thought of its stupidity and said
that the author was out of his mind, but Eren’s intuition on the theory made
him think differently.
It made him love him differently.
Eren had looked at him with hidden adoration then, the same way he’s looking at
him now. They looked at each other and didn’t utter a word, their breathing was
steady and synchronized and their eyes conveyed what their hearts couldn’t.
Only one idea inundated in their heads as they continued to hold each other,
trembling in their warm kisses.
Survive. Don’t escape now.
Chapter End Notes
     Hey! I hope you enjoyed it so far! I always had this headcannon that
     Eren and Levi would engage in philosophical ideas and symbolism! and
     Eren would always read to him from different books, almost EVERY book
     because he's a curious litlle bub. I think I've gotten a little
     better with my writing and I hope you love these chapters! I'll be
     updating the last chapter soon! <3
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     'God, you're beautiful'
     'Did you say something Eren?'
     'Uh- erm. No nothing'
     'Tell me or else I'll beat the crap out of you'
     'Oi, why are you blushing?'
     '...GOD! you're so beautiful'
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The outcries reverberated in the thickening soil beneath his feet as he
stumbled and tried to get back up, his eyes began to sting by the mud and
pieces of flesh that crossed his path. The dust compromised his sight, nothing
but blurriness existed in his swollen pupils, he couldn't understand where
everyone was.
The sky is clearing now he wondered; he lay down on his back and watched the
smoke and the small clouds emerge in the distance, the sky was enamelled with
strange tints and color schemes that he couldn't quite compare to any object
here.
Aah, its the color of mars.
Was I on mars? It feels unreal.
He lifts himself up from the soggy ground and scratches his elbow and palms
somehow, he winces in pain as he got himself up and looks straight towards the
plumetting sky, his hands remain steady for the time being, feeling crippled by
the fact that he was alone under this foreign sky.
Until he sees him.
Those same blood filled eyes looked at him right now, confused by the reality
he was facing he remains numb, utterly helpless and strangled.
It won't matter, I'd reach out again and it won't make a difference, things
will remain the same he thought.
A body without a soul.
This is what it felt like.
*************************************
'Has he regained consciousness yet?'
Hanji stepped out of the small room as they closed the door behind them, Mikasa
is lying on the bed near the medicine cabinet, her swollen feet and face look
gloomily towards the others in slow motion. Armin remains still, he repeated
his question in his monotonic voice and eyed Hanji for an answer. 'He's stable,
some of the shock is still there but hopefully it'll phase out soon enough'
Hanji answered, looking down at their glasses and wiped it clean with a small
handkerchief 'Some food in his system and he'll be good to go, but let's leave
him for today because I don't think he'll be responding quite soon' Hanji spoke
sounding a little grave but at the same time sure. Armin breathed a sigh of
relief and stood next to Mikasa's bed, he held her bruised hand in his and
rubbed his thumb over her rough skin gently, she was smiling underneath all of
her wounds he could tell. Sasha and Connie remain on the other side, keeping
each other at close proximity with only the beds and curtains keeping them
separate, Armin felt at ease to see everyone coping quite well to the current
situation.
'How about the Corporal?' Armin realized but a little less sooner. 'I bandaged
him up quite a bit, the blood wouldn't stop but thankfully he pulled through'
Hanji replied, heaving out a huge sigh in the process 'sometimes I think he's
not even human at all, I always wondered if possession was a thing that existed
but when I look at him I slowly begin to realize that it might me true' Hanji
laughed with a few pauses. Armin smiled at Hanji's reply and looked towards
Mikasa again. She's quiet, just like always but now she's sound asleep. 'When
we were little, Eren and Mikasa used to protect me from anyone who tried to
pick a fight with me, or hurt me in some way. They always came running towards
me with wide eyes and anger rising in their throats. I always thought they were
possessed during that time, because in reality there was more to them than that
fear inducing attribute' Armin gleamed as he held Mikasa's hand tighter, making
sure he doesn't ruin the wounds further.
'Maybe we all are, in some way' Hanji added after a few seconds later, Armin
watched them leave the room silently as a smile appeared on their face, their
glasses bouncing in the process. Armin pushed a bit of his hair behind his ear
and untangled a knot in the process, Connie and Sasha snored quietly a few beds
down as he stood up and left the room in a muffled manner, he blew out the
small candle placed near the door and continued walking through the damp halls.
Possessed, huh?
Maybe so.
**********************************
They shifted Eren into his room a few days later, he was able to eat and move
on his own soon enough after he was stabilized. Eren didn't speak much during
that time; his conversations mostly consisted of nods and hums while everyone
else spoke either once or twice. Levi didn't get a chance to speak to him
privately either because of his own vulnerable state, but he had decided on
meeting him tonight before he fell asleep. He wasn't sure if Hanji was giving
him a heavy dosage of pain killers but he felt extremely immobilized today, he
confronted Hanji when he spoke to them in the morning but Levi only got a wink
in response rather than a properly worded sentence. He sighed as he covered his
eyes with his arm, his heart was racing in a strange rhythm inside his chest,
half of his body was covered in bandages and thankfully the pain had ceased,
his body consisted mostly of cuts and bruises now rather than larger open
wounds that could've been infected easily. He blinks underneath the skin and
feel his eyelashes tickle his arm, he sighs and lets the sleep pour over him.
Night fell quite early as Levi walked through the narrow halls towards Eren's
room; his steps were quiet by his slow pacing as he reached out towards the
door. He entered in silence and saw Eren once again, the same position he had
engraved in his mind for weeks. Eren looked paler, somewhat thinner too as his
collar bone poked out of his shirt more than usual, his eyes were tired as he
looked at Levi. He flashed a warm smile and then continued to look at the wall
in the opposite direction. Levi was slightly disoriented by his silence,
usually Eren would be grabbing him by now and it felt strange to greet one
another without open arms for once. Levi sat at the edge of the bed; he felt
Eren's legs slightly press into him as he turned around and blinked
soundlessly. Levi looks at Eren's distracted face and draws in a little closer,
Eren happily followed his movements as he looked up with warmth in his eyes.
'Are you feeling some uneasiness? How much would you rate it out of 5?' Levi
asks as he makes a gesture to fix his imaginary glasses and wrote something
down in his invisible notebook; Eren laughs at his mockery and covers his mouth
restlessly. Levi smiles and speaks normally this time 'Have you been feeling
better?' Eren's eyes roamed before he sighed and looked at Levi again 'I feel
strange Heichou' he found his answer, he drew in a little closer and Levi could
feel his stomach press into his back 'when I was out there for a brief moment-
just a brief- I felt strangely empty. I started to think about all of the
things I'd read about, I thought of other options that could've explained why I
was acting that way but in the end I found nothing.'
'And without realizing it I actually began to give up, slowly but gradually. I
refused to move and I just lied on the ground while everyone else was getting
hurt. I felt my soul drain out of me in a way… And I wanted it to stay'. Eren
wore a sad expression as he blinked slowly, he wasn't crying but neither was he
fully relaxed. Levi stroked his hair and waited for him to finish 'And I
started to think, why does everything have to end? After years and years of
creating everything just crumbles and fades in the end, answers seem to stop
and questions just keep accumulating, the Titans were there and for what? Their
existence makes no sense but they're still here, just like the rest of us. And
I was dumbfounded, at a loss. You know?'
/p> 'I was so alone; I wanted to push my soul back in, scared of the fact that
it'll leave me hollow and old. At that moment I thought maybe trapping things
isn't a bad thing after all, maybe.. Some things were meant to be kept within
you so that they don't get lost in this world. I- I wanted to run away so bad
that I forgot about everyone else, and I forgot about how they wished the same
things as me. So in a way I'm saying I was inconsiderate, I abandoned you
Heichou.. I abandoned all-'
Eren hid his face in his pillow as his fingers held onto the sheets with a
tight grip, Levi never let his own hand leave Eren's hair, his touch became
solid and stuck in one place, he didn't feel angry but there was something
biting at the back of his throat as he watched Eren open his eyes towards him.
He seemed so harmless, and so very comforting to look at, it was as if he was
just throwing his usual tantrums and Levi couldn't help but not take him
seriously. Levi was silent as Eren watched him with his glassy eyes; he
expected a response from him? Really?
'I know you won't say anything, so..' Eren moved quickly as he placed his hand
on Levi's waist and pushed him down on the opposite end of the bed, he was
taken aback as Eren held his wrists and stopped any movement his body could
make, he wanted to punch him, hard. Eren's eyes wandered on the bandages that
covered Levi's body, his lowered collar revealed his slightly bruised collar
bone, Eren's grip loosened and he casually placed his head on Levi's chest.
'You're warm! You're so warm...' He blurted as he kissed Levi's chest through
his shirt 'why can't you say these things out loud?' Levi was struck by Eren's
behavior, he couldn't understand whether he should run or pull himself closer
towards Eren's demented state. He pulled himself away slightly before Eren
nuzzled even further; he kept kissing his shirt and poked his sternum every
time 'Don't go... Don't leave me like I left you. Please? Please?..'.
Levi felt his eyes swell up in his sockets, he felt so fucking strange, so
fucking stupid for not listening to his head when he had the chance. Eren was
shaking and clinging onto him so badly, how could he hurt him so many times?
Levi bit his lip harshly and shoved Eren off of him, while he was misbalanced
he grabbed his shoulder and pushed him down on the bed again, his head slightly
hit the bed frame and he held in a hushed scream. Levi was on top of him now as
he sat on his stomach cautiously, now Levi had caught his attention.
'Listen to me, alright Eren? I don't need you to apologize for anything you've
done so far. Whether you wanted to abandon me or not it doesn't fucking matter
alright? The point is you're here right now. Breathing and experiencing
everything a man can, what a mortal being can Eren. Everyone thinks differently
once their life is at stake, its fucking common, do you understand? You can't
be anyone else but yourself in this shit hole! You can't be free, you can't be
the stars or the sky or the rain drop that experiences what its like to fly. In
the end you can only try, and you have to keep trying until you finally make
it...' Levi is speaking calmly now, his hand finds itself on Eren's cheek and
he places it gently 'It's hard to be this strong Eren, I know it is. I know you
wish and dream for a lot of things but for once I need you to stop looking for
a place that's hidden somewhere beyond this crap, I want you to focus on what
you can do with yourself now. Do you understand?' Eren looked at me with his
earnest gaze as his chest rose and fell, his lips showed no expression and he
was breathing slowly from his nose. Levi lifted himself up from his stomach and
planted his head on Eren's shoulder, clutching onto his shirt as he did. He
swayed above Eren's body but he was only connected to him through the forehead
that touched his loose shirt 'You have to realize that you're fucking better
than the damn stars, the sky and the ocean and you know what? I don't think you
have a soul, you're just full of something even better, you're filled with a
thousand lights that scavenge the galaxies and whenever you breathe or just
feel you end up glowing and create a chaotic mess inside you. You're not
horrible; you're not horrible at all... You're.. I-it’s just that... You need
to forgive yourself if you feel something that others feel too, love, hate, and
fear, all of it. You feel all of them differently and that's what makes you who
you are, so just try... Okay?' Levi mumbled into his skin, making sure that
Eren heard it all. Eren slid his hands on Levi's back and pulled him into his
trembling embrace; Levi sighed and breathed roughly as he contemplated over how
much he had spoken an earful to be exact. Levi pushed himself up and brought
his face closer towards Eren's, he was drenched by his own tears and he wore
the same amiable expression that Levi adored, without even thinking he forced
his lips onto Eren's, he absorbed his heated kisses and salty taste and
devoured him, secretly he hoped that a little bit of his light would melt into
his own skin somehow.
He sounded insane in his own head.
Eren mumbled his apologies as Levi kept kissing him constantly without stopping
to take a breath, in his head he always replied No need, No need Eren. Eren's
eyelashes bounced on Levi's skin as he kissed his jaw and Adam's apple,
caressing him with his lips gently. They stopped mid way and continued to look
at each other with a heated stare, Eren drew a small breath and laughed 'I've
never heard you talk that much' he beamed, the air around him felt so different
now and Levi sighed in relief. He banged his forehead lightly on Eren's and he
gave him a heartfelt smile. Eren cooed as he touched Levi and he started to
pull his shirt off, Levi humbly obliged and let him get his way for once. Eren
looked at his bandages and noticed that the blood stains were satisfyingly
less, just as he had hoped. 'You're like a canvas, so much hidden underneath
the skin, so much I wish to know… I want to know' he beamed as he stroked his
chest, gently caressing his covered nipple. Levi placed his hand under Eren's
chin and grazed his index finger along his jaw 'You're full of color Levi... I
can't believe I was blind to all of this' Eren spoke cordially as his lips
reached his chest, he kissed him so lightly that the sensation left him even
before Eren's lips could, he placed small passionate kisses over his bandages
and scars and Levi was drowning, slowly and slowly he recovered from Eren's
touch and watched him breathe and caress him even more.
Levi looked into his eyes and wondered.
The lights, they're flickering like crazy right now, you idiot! I can see right
through you Eren! Maybe those galaxies can multiply within you too? Isn't it
amazing?
Eren watched him melt into his touch before he kissed him again.
Levi? How can someone like you be real?
With you in my arms I can taste every kaleidoscopic color that can exist on
this earth. I can't compare your softness and your colors to anything,
absolutely anything at all. You're unreal, you feel so unreal.
They begin to get dizzy by the momentum, their breaths heaving and shaking
inside one another.
A soul full of colors. You're a masterpiece in the making, a still image of a
never ending paradise. You're more than the galaxies, the stars and the beat of
my heart. You're brilliant, simply brilliant Levi.
You're blue, the most perfect shade of blue that can never be created. And
you've kept it in your eyes, well hidden and protected.
The night sky felt dead and empty as they fell into each others arms as they
tired themselves from their ecstasy. Time had stopped as Eren and Levi's
fingers tangled in each other, everything else felt unnecessary in their minds,
the only thing that mattered to them was that they were waking up to a new
tomorrow, where the skies and the sights will be different, and everything will
restart. But they themselves would remain intact, buried in each other
completely.
They'll try, and they'll keep on trying until they finally become one with the
world.
And the sky.
And everything that goes beyond.
Chapter End Notes
     The possession that I spoke of refers to Armin's dialogue on how
     people accept the monsters inside of them, and I applied that theory
     here, in other words 'possession', I hope it kind of makes sense
     because... I dunno xD I don't know if it turned out as good as I had
     wanted it to be, but if you've come this far then THANK YOU. I hope
     you liked it and I promise on getting better! fingers crossed! <3
End Notes
     Yes, yes. The blue and green colors mentioned in the summary are
     indeed Levi and Eren's eye colors, but in a way its the color of the
     skies and the grass too (SYMBOLISM. hehe :p ). I hope you enjoyed
     this! <3 More chapters coming soon :D
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