Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/9533771.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Ensemble_Stars!_(Video_Game)
  Relationship:
      Isara_Mao/Sakuma_Ritsu
  Character:
      Isara_Mao, Sakuma_Ritsu, Sakuma_Rei, Hibiki_Wataru
  Additional Tags:
      Mental_Health_problems, Getting_Together, second_year_Ritsu, first_year
      mao, well_it's_ritsu's_first_second_year, wataru_is_there_for_like_a
      second, attempted_suicide, Panic_Attacks, drug_mention, needle_mention,
      lots_of_blood, they_get_pizza
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-01-31 Words: 14310
****** Death and His Brother Sleep ******
by hunnybuns
Summary
     It’s not like Ritsu ever thought being a vampire would make his life
     easier, hell, before his brother and him were turned, he had never
     thought about vampires as anything other than fairy tale. He
     certainly never expected that his own personal shortcomings, his own
     self worth, his own self loathing, to be amplified so much by the
     change.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
The hardest part of his second year of High School was when Ritsu came home and
his brother was gone.
His mother had plenty of bullshit excuses ready for him; about how his older
brother
‘needed the experience of being abroad.’ She said things like “He will never
learn the ways of the real world if he never gets out there in it!” She even
tried to feed him some stupid line about how it was “for his music, of course!”
He could see through her lies as if looking through glass. She and their father
had sent him away without even giving him a mailing address, to keep him away
from Ritsu.
Ritsu had been sick, not with the flu or anything so mundane, but with a
disease much more feral. The tameless hunger that wracked through his veins
every second of the day was wearing him down in every sense of the word. He
fought and fought as he refused to give into the inhuman thirst that plagued
him and his older brother both. They fed rarely and carefully, not wanting to
destroy more human lives than necessary to sustain their own.
The result: looking and feeling like an ethereal corpse.
The two brothers tried their best to maintain normal lives, but it was so much
harder to get up and go to school when the sunlight drained the life out of
them like a sieve. They were constantly exhausted, both looking pale and sick
on any given day and feeling twice as bad. The number of times that either of
them got caught sleeping in class or during breaks, sometimes even at unit
rehearsals, was easily tripled.The only thing that helped was blood.
Unfortunately, the chance of them feeding on humans without killing them was
minuscule at best. They were still young, neither of them could control it
enough to stop without using extreme restraint. Fortunately, thanks to an
acquaintance of Rei’s, they were able to acquire blood in other ways. They
lived close enough to the hospital that stealing a bag or two of blood at a
time was easier than expected. This method wasn’t exactly the best for keeping
the two of them in good health, but at least they wouldn’t starve to death.
Drinking the bagged blood wasn’t even close to the same as drinking live human
blood, but it was enough to keep them alive. Even if that meant constant
fluctuations in mood and energy levels that were usually for the worst.
Eventually even their parents, who due to work were rarely home at all,
noticed. Their father just attributed Ritsu’s exhaustion to working too hard as
an Idol and his modeling career. They blamed Rei’s friend group and his staying
away from home to work on his music for his physical dilapidation, but were
much more vocal about how he was being a terrible role model than they were
about being disappointed in Ritsu. Their mother used every chance she got to
berate Rei for his bad behavior and to tell him that he was being the worst
older brother, sometimes even blaming him for Ritsu’s matching condition. Their
father honestly wasn’t any better, sometimes actually more harsh and belittling
when he felt that the message wasn’t getting through. It was absolute bullshit.

Their parents just didn't understand.
They couldn't have, They didn’t know anything to the contrary. They hadn’t been
there that night, when Ritsu had been forced to watch as Rei had been attacked,
battered, raped, and then turned, right in front of him. They weren’t there to
watch Rei’s throat be slit and completely drained of blood, before he was
force-fed liquid life from their debauched assailant's wrist. Or when Ritsu had
almost died for good by the same hand for struggling, fighting to save his
older brother, before Rei turned him too in an act of selfish desperation. Rei
couldn’t lose his younger brother, the light of his life who was like his other
half, even at the expense of hating himself for subjecting his most precious
person to the hell of an existence that was forced upon him.
Ritsu tried telling them, though, despite his better judgement. After months of
hiding it and trying to avoid their parents by virtue of not-killing-them-in-
cold-blood, they finally noticed that their youngest son’s condition had hit a
major low. On the worst possible night for an emotional breakdown, they
cornered him in his bedroom. Usually when they came around asking questions for
any reason, and not taking no for an answer, Rei was there to save him. He was
always the smooth talker of the two of them, and their parents had little
reason to doubt their eldest child. That night though, Rei was out. Again. He
hadn't said where, but Ritsu could assume that he was with his stupid school
friends, or something like that, when his parents finally caught up to him,
unrelentless in their questioning. He was exhausted both mentally and
physically from the sunlight that he endured as he tried to go to class, and
from fighting the hunger pangs with everything he had, and he just broke down.
He was worried he would hurt one of them for making him mad, but instead his
panic manifested itself as a panic attack, which as it turns out was worse. It
struck him hard and fast and before he could escape on his own two legs, he was
choking on sobs and unloading everything that had plagued his mind to his
parents. He told them about how lonely he was feeling, and how hopeless and
suffocating his world was becoming, and he told them that him and Rei were
vampires.
He honestly had no idea what to expect from his parents at his Big Reveal, but
their blank stares and worried looks didn’t have nearly the level of fear in
them that he had anticipated. They didn't look afraid of him, just concerned.
He thought that maybe they needed time to process or something, but when they
came to him the next day with an appointment for a psychotherapist and the
numbers of several neurologists and psychologists, he understood that they
didn't believe him. They just thought that it was a psychotic break caused by
the stress of being an idol and a model and a student. They just thought he was
insane.
That whole month was the worst. He found routine in declining his parents and
their many, repetitive attempts to get him to seek professional help. Every
day, his mother would wake him up gently (no easy task, she hadn’t even tried
since the time that Ritsu was about five) and make him breakfast, all the while
telling him again and again which doctor he would be seeing that day. She would
talk his ear off about it until Mao finally picked him up to go to school.
During this time Ritsu had the best attendance of his life, even before The
Change. Mao kept telling him how proud he was that he was actually motivated to
go to school. Lying to Mao about his motivations felt disgusting and Ritsu
hated it, but he put on the most cheerful face he could manage, sometimes
managing real expressions even. Phrases like “psychotic break” and “Clinical
Depression” were being thrown around like they were going out of style by their
parents, Ritsu didn’t think he would be able to take them from Mao.
When Rei found out what Ritsu had done, he hadn’t yelled like Ritsu had
expected him to do. Instead he wrapped his little brother up in a blanket and
rocked him, shushing his apologies and whispering words of support and comfort.
He’d held Ritsu like that until he fell asleep in his lap and he didn’t
hesitate to offer as much comfort as he could muster for the younger boy. Ritsu
wanted him to be angry, to hate him for telling their secret. The one thing
that was theirs. Ritsu hated himself for telling, Rei had obviously been right
about everything. He was surprised their parent’s hadn’t sent either of them
away in straight jackets. Where their parents were concerned for Ritsu, they
didn’t hide how angry they were at Rei for filling Ritsu’s head with fantasies
and for ‘causing his mental break.’ Rei had taken it with a grain of salt,
telling their parents that he had gone too overboard with his storytelling and
that he would make things right. He did anything he could to placate their
parents, anything to protect Ritsu from their judgement.
The worst day of the worst week, was the night before they sent Rei away. Ritsu
had walked to the kitchen for some water, trying to quell his thirst in any way
he could think of without hurting anyone, as futile as that may be, when he
heard them.
“I really do think this is the best possible option, he has been filling
Ritsu’s head with the craziest things. But can we really send our son away?”
his mother’s voice was soft and somewhat hesitant, but it echoed enough that he
could have heard the conversation with full clarity even without his
exceptional, inhuman hearing..
“He’s driven him insane is what he’s done! Get him out of the house, he is
going whether he wants to or not. Tomorrow morning he will be out. Harden your
heart, his plane ticket is already booked. He isn’t to step foot into this
house until that delinquent brat has earned the name Sakuma again.”
His father’s words were like a knife to the gut. Ritsu felt like someone had
injected dry ice directly into his veins. His chest felt like it was learning
to alchemize itself into stone. Rei still wasn’t home, he wasn’t answering his
phone so he couldn't warn him to run away. To get out before he was ripped from
Ritsu’s side, just because Ritsu couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. He was
devastated, feeling the panic rise in his chest, and his vision starting to
blur. He had half a mind to walk into that kitchen and rip his parents throats
out with his bare hands for even suggesting that Rei couldn't be in his life
when he needed him the most. The room spun around him in an instant, so he went
to the only place he could find comfort- Rei’s bed. He didn’t know what to do,
so he did the only thing he knew and went to sleep immediately, thankful for
the comfort that surrounded him as he nestled himself into Rei’s blankets. When
he awoke he was sure that everything he’d heard was just a dream, his parents
would never stoop so low as to send their eldest son out of the country. He got
out of his brother’s bed- obviously he had stayed the night at a friends. It
wouldn’t have been the first time. He went to school, he tried not to think
about the nightmare, telling himself that his brother was supposed to be home
tonight. He didn’t have school stuff to do, and he usually saved this day for
Ritsu. It was their day, he had to be home. Until he got to his home, and Rei
was still gone. His parent’s had cleaned out his room while Ritsu was at
school. His music, his clothes, all gone. It looked like a guest room, not
somewhere where someone lived every day. Like a staged area, pretending to be
the room it once was but with a distinct feeling of forced normalcy that made
Ritsu sick to his stomach. The sterility of the space, Rei’s space, crashed
into him like a ton of bricks. He couldn’t stop the wave of nausea. He wished
it was the sea, coming up to drown him from the inside. He would rather choke
on his tears than waste them on his eyes.
He knew, he wasn’t an idiot, that it was his fault. Rei told him never to tell
anyone, even their parents, about what they were. What they had become.
He’d said no one would understand.
Before this most major of fuck ups he hadn't thought that would be that hard to
keep from their parents; they turned a blind eye to almost everything. Their
parents were around, and they cared, but they had never been a reliable source
of warmth or comfort for either brother. Ritsu and Rei had both missed a huge
chunk of school after they were turned, but their parents didn’t so much as
comment. Ritsu was pretty sure his mom just threw away any of the letters the
school sent them about her sons’ and their horrendous attendance. They had
never even seen either of them perform, and the only comments about their
musical talents were to complain about the noise. Honestly Rei was more of a
parent, as far as emotional support goes, than their mother and father were on
most days, not that Ritsu would ever tell him as much.
Ritsu had known from the beginning that the hardest thing he would have to do
would be not telling Mao.
Isara Mao. Maakun… his only real friend, who had been there for him since his
first year of middle school. He was like a bright sun in his dark sky, but
instead of burning him up from the inside out, drying his cells and draining
him like anyone else would, Mao was a shot of adrenaline to his veins. Nothing
was as invigorating as Mao’s presence, and nothing and no one, other than Rei,
ever made him feel like he was truly safe. Whenever Rei wasn’t around, Mao
usually was. However, as much as Mao was there to support him, Ritsu couldn't
bring himself to talk about the things that truly troubled his heart unless it
got really, really bad.
No matter how much Mao insisted that “Riiitchan, it’s really okay if you talk
to me you know? I’m your best friend, I’m always ALWAYS here for you!” he still
had a hard time telling him anything that might even slightly dim the radiating
light that Mao carried with him. The thought of hurting Mao, of pushing him
away, of losing him too, was enough to make him sick. He wished sometimes that
he could tell him what was going on, that he was a bloodthirsty demon
struggling to not let monsters consume him inside, just as he didn't want to
become one outside too. He even considered for a moment trying to tell him;
he’d even made plans to do it. That was before Rei was sent away.
Rei had tried helping too, before. Of course he’d noticed, he seemed to notice
anything and everything if it had to do with Ritsu. No amount of “Riiitsuuuuu,
Ritsu my cute brother, I hate it when you’re sad! Tell Oniichan what’s
bothering you!! Ritsuuuu pleaaasee!” would sway him. He knew that if Rei knew
how much he missed having his company after school now that he was in
highschool, how alone he felt even though they went to the same school again
finally, he would completely blame himself. On the off chance that he did
confide in his brother, it was only because he was either desperate, in the
middle of breaking down, or both.
Preceding Rei’s departure, Ritsu’s depression had gotten to a low, but was
still almost manageable for him on his own. Afterwards however, It got to the
point where the “really,really bad” times happened enough that he just started
skipping school altogether some days, locking himself in his room and telling
Mao he was really sick, if only so that he couldn't see how badly he was
hurting. His mind had built its home in the abyss of his darkest thoughts. He
didn't care about how much Mao wanted him to confide in him, he refused to
shove anything he was feeling, the gross icky feelings that made his brain and
his heart feel like they were decaying, on to his most precious person.
It’s not like Ritsu would have said anything to Rei either if he could, even
before he was sent away. Rei had enough to deal with on his own, with the
Student Council, and their parents, and getting through his third year at
Yumenosaki High School, and especially his shitty friends that he insisted on
keeping around.
He didn’t even like talking about his interpersonal relationships with Rei.
That was more because Rei was too damn nosy, though. He had enough to be
depressed about without Rei saying things like “You know, with how much time
you spend with that Isara kid, it's a wonder he hasn’t realized that you're in
love with him yet. Oh wait, that’s right! The idiot is straight.”
Ritsu thought back to how he’d said stuff like that all the time about the
feelings he had for Mao that he couldn’t ever hide from his brother, and how it
made Ritsu blush every single time he brought it up. Honestly, he was pretty
sure that Rei did it because it was a foolproof way of getting him to lose his
composure completely.
“Aww Ritsuuuu! I was kidding...sort of!.. Not at all. But the faces you make
when you don’t wanna admit something so obvious are the most adorable!” Ritsu
just rolled his eyes, trying to look nonchalant.
“Shut up Oniichan, you don’t know what you’re talking about…” He lied. Again.
“Ritsu, if you won’t admit after all these years that you’re heads over heels
for that boy, i'm talking some serious soul mate devotion type shit, I will
call him right now and tell him FOR you.” At that Rei had stolen Ritsu’s phone
before he could react and opened it to the last conversation that he’d had with
Mao over line, finger hovering above the ‘call’ button. How he always figured
out Ritsu’s passcode was beyond him.
Ritsu frantically launched himself at Rei without hesitation, desperately
struggling to get his phone back from this devient.
“Rei stoooop that's way too mean! Stop doing what I would do, its so unfair!!!”
Ritsu whined loudly, but Rei just held his phone far above his head and out of
reach.
“Fine! Fine, I’m super in love with my best friend and he is perfect and hard
working and probably the most handsome boy that I’ve ever seen and he takes the
best care of me and I want to kiss his stupid face every time I see it and he
would make the best wife ever now will you give me my phone back PLEASE!” Ritsu
said all at once, words turning into more of a stream of mush than an actual
articulate sentence. His face was so hot that he thought it might melt off at
any second, along with his dignity.
By the time Ritsu finished with a huff Rei was caught between cackling (more
like wheezing) at how cute Ritsu was when he was flustered, and being proud of
his baby brother for finally saying out loud what he had known for years. He
handed him his phone back and sat back down on the couch, slinging an arm over
the side.
“I’m so proud! All it took was mild threatening to get you to admit that you,
what was it? ‘Want mao to be your wife?’” Rei looked entirely too smug about
this, and Ritsu’s face just refused to stop being on fire.
“Ughhhh Oniichan is the actual worst!” he threw his head back dramatically
against the arm of the couch and shoved his feet into Rei’s lap. He took one
breath to try and steady the nerves that had built up over the years about this
very sensitive and personal topic, one that he didn't even like thinking about.
What if Mao had telepathy, you know? If his thoughts betrayed him and Mao left
because he was too weirded out… Ritsu would rather die.
“Plus, It doesn’t even matter how I feel… It’s not like I can even tell him.
Like, ever..”
Saying it out loud just made his heart ache more. This was the worst. Love was
stupid and he wanted nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, Love didn’t care
what he thought.
“Unfortunately, you’re probably right.” The part about him being straight was
the one part that wasn’t a joke. “I hope he’s not of course. Straight I mean,
Ritsu needs to get laid.”
He punctuated that with a wink and Ritsu immediately shoved a pillow into Rei’s
face so hard that his neck would have broken if he wasn’t a super strong, super
stupid, super IRRITATING, GROSS VAMPIRE!
Ritsu laid curled up in his bed, thinking about conversations like these
constantly for weeks after Rei was gone. Ones where his brother was there to
care about him, and tease him, and make him smile when he felt like shit. He
felt too bad to risk talking to Mao, and tainting that smile that felt like the
only warmth he had left. At first he’d thought that thinking about things like
this would make the loneliness easier. That it would make it seem like he was
still here and Ritsu wasn’t really alone with his thoughts and the piano as his
only comforts. It worked for maybe five minutes until that warmth was replaced
by an overwhelming, all encompassing sense of emptiness. He felt like a cracked
vase that had been left in the windowsill of an abandoned house. His thoughts
were the vines that reached into his solitary room, coming from outside and
infiltrating his restful space.Choking his broken form until one day, he would
collapse, unrecognizable and impossible to repair.
The more he thought about those times with Rei, the more upset he got. At first
it started as sadness. He missed his brother and it hurt him to the core. After
a few weeks without a single call or letter, the hurt turned itself into anger.
Didn’t Rei know how much Ritsu was hurting? How could he just leave him there?
If anyone knew what Ritsu was like when he was down and left alone, it was Rei.
Logically Ritsu was completely aware that none of this was Rei’s fault, but he
couldn’t stop the bitterness that filled his heart in place of his sadness some
days.
It’s not like Ritsu ever thought being a vampire would make his life easier,
hell,
before his brother and him were turned, he had never thought about vampires as
anything other than fairy tale.
He certainly never expected that his own personal shortcomings, his own self
worth, his own self loathing, to be amplified so much by the change. He
couldn't talk to Rei about it, for all his brother knew, Ritsu’s change in
behavior was just him being a sadist and a brat as always, only more so. He
would never, ever, tell his older brother, his idol, bound by a deeper bond
than blood, how much he hated being alive sometimes. He couldn't ever tell him
that the days that Rei stayed out late, doing who knows what, were the absolute
worst for him. Ritsu knew that the tendrils of his depression were stemming
from within him, but Rei would take it all on himself. Best possible outcome;
Rei would lose his own personal life, devoting it to helping Ritsu stop Being
This Way. Worst possible outcome; Rei would do all of that, but he would also
think that somehow it was his fault. Ritsu didn’t think he would be able to
stomach either of those scenarios. Instead of lying, he wasn't always sure
anymore that he could keep doing so convincingly, he just didn't go to school.
He didn’t even leave his room, until he didn’t even know what day it was
anymore.
 
Despite being in separate years and classes, Mao noticed every single time that
Ritsu wasn’t in school. In the past when Ritsu skipped, it was because he
wanted the attention of either Mao or Rei. He didn’t want to give in this time,
he needed Ritsu to be a real adult for once, damnit. He had read something once
that said not to let your children sleep in your bed every night because it
caused issues with seperation anxiety later in life, and he thought maybe the
same kind of thought could be applied to his best friend too.
After four and a half weeks of Ritsu being missing in action without as much as
a text reply, and all of his line messages still boasting an unread status,
Mao’d had enough. After school and his unit rehearsal Mao walked straight to
Ritsu’s house, not even stopping to drop his own things off at home first. He
fished the key out of his pocket and let himself in, not bothering to announce
himself, Ritsu’s parents weren't home from work yet. When he opened Ritsu’s
door up without preamble, he really and truly expected him to be asleep.
He didn’t expect him to be sitting in bed with his knees pulled in tightly to
his chest, staring straight at the wall, paler than he’d ever seen him. Paler
than death, even. Seeing his best friend sitting there looking like a porcelain
doll, eyes looking like they were made of glass, was unnerving enough to make
him pause in the door frame instead of storming in and scolding him to high
heaven like he’d planned.
After a few moments of being initially spooked by his friend’s corpse-like
state, Mao finally cleared his throat and stepped into the room, which suddenly
felt more like a mortuary than a bedroom. The action had zero affect on Ritsu,
the far away look in his eyes was enough to tell Mao that he hadn’t even
noticed that he was there yet. With a sigh he strode over to the edge of
Ritsu’s bed and sat down, gently laying a hand the one that Ritsu had wrapped
around his knees. At that Ritsu’s trance-like state was broken and he startled,
immediately and violently withdrawing himself from Mao’s touch so fast that Mao
was worried that he would get whip-lash.
Voice small and rough from disuse he started, “M-maakun, what are you doing
here?!? You really shouldn't … you shouldn't be here…” Ritsu’s voice cracked
and he coughed, straining his dry throat. His distraught eyes fell to the
bedspread, threatening to overflow as he whispered frantically to his best
friend, still unable to meet his gaze.
“Please leave.. Please… just go away…”
You’re human.. You’re not safe when i’m like this… what if i hurt you...
As much as Ritsu’s words were telling him to leave, he knew his friend way
better than that. The way he leaned closer, seeming to cling to his presence
without actually touching him, and the fragility of his composure told Mao that
Ritsu wanted anything but that. Very slowly Mao once again placed his hands on
Ritsu’s and met his eyes. Up close he looked even worse than he had from across
the room. His cheeks were completely drained, Mao wasn’t sure if the other boy
even had any pigment left in his body. His hands were like ice, and his eyes
were almost black with how lifeless they were. There's no way he just wasn’t
coming to school. This was something bigger than him wanting to gain Mao’s
attention.
“What happened, Ritchan?” Mao refused to back down, even if his best friend
looked like he was in a state of consumption, and probably not strong enough to
talk for more than a few minutes. Unsurprisingly, Ritsu flinched again and bit
his lip so hard that Mao thought it might bleed. After a few seconds of Mao
patiently waiting, unrelentingly stareing a trembling Ritsu down, he finally
sighed and resigned himself to talk.
When he met Mao’s eyes again, the hurt behind Ritsu’s stare had Mao’s heart
faltering, and then breaking in two before he’d even heard what he had to say.
“Rei is gone.” The words were small and fragile out of Ritsu’s mouth, his face
completely crumbling as he hunched his shoulders, closing off his posture.
Where that certainly was not what Mao expected to hear. Now that he thought
back though, he realized that in the weeks since Ritsu had been gone, he hadn’t
seen Rei even once.
“Wait, what? Where did he go? Why…?” Mao had no idea where Rei would go, or why
he would abandon his brother like this. Did he finally drop out and join a
gang? Did he move out?
“Our shitty parents sent the bastard to England, of all places. It’s about
eight zillion miles away from me, so that’s where he is.” Ritsu’s voice went
from venomous, to fractious, to somber before he’d even finished his sentence.
Ritsu sniffled and dropped his head again, his eyes stinging from tears that
just wouldn't come. “This is all my fault.”
“How is it your fault?” Mao raised an eyebrow and brought his hand to rest on
Ritsu’s shoulder, gently caressing the curve of his neck and collarbone. Ritsu
relaxed ever so slightly, leaning into Mao’s touch on instinct. When he met his
gaze again, his smile was forlorn.
“Unfortunately, to answer that I would have to tell you something else. And
that something else made my parents think i'm insane and send my brother to
England to keep him from enabling me or some shit. Please try your call again
later, beeeeeeeeeeep.” Ritsu closed his eyes, pretending to be a robot shutting
down.
Ignoring the fact that Ritsu had basically just answered most of his question,
he pressed on. he figured they would have to have this conversation at some
point, assuming that it’s about what he thought it was probably about.
“Ritcchan, you can tell me anything and you know it. You know I keep telling
you that you can open up if it’s me, jeez don’t you listen?” He tightened his
hand ever so subtly to ground them both before continuing. “And uh. There is
nothing that you can tell me that I don’t already know, probably. And even if
there is, I won't think you’re crazy.” He hoped that Ritsu would actually take
the bait and finally tell him what he had already figured out, that his best
friend was a vampire.
Ritsu just gave him a wry smile and turned his head. “I doubt you already know
about this one.. It’s real and not one of those mental things that those books
you had talked about…” he turned his gaze back to Mao, looking hesitant and
resigned. “I just can’t.. I can't lose you because you don't believe me too.”
or worse, you could be absolutely terrified of me…
Mao sighed and braced himself for however his friend would react to what he was
about to say.
“If it’s about you being a vampire, I already know.” He waited a beat, watching
the confusion and then realization dawn on Ritsu’s face. He decided to
elaborate, as Ritsu had nothing to say and he was pretty sure that he was about
to start sweating or panicking. “I’ve known since you got turned, you weren’t
always this way right?.. Please don’t look at me like that, it's like you’ve
seen a ghost y’know? God, how unobservant would i have to be to not notice?
Jesus Ritsu, you’re eyes went from being dark, dark brown to crimson like blood
overnight! And I know it isn’t contacts because I’m usually the one waking you
up in the morning.”
Ritsu was still staring at Mao, frozen on the spot, face stricken. Was he being
serious? If he knew, why the hell hadn’t he just left him already? He should
have run away in terror. Gotten a restraining order. He was literally a
monster! The kind of thing that only showed up in stories or Fairy Tales!
Instead he kept on letting Ritsu ride to school on his back, with his face
dangerously close to his strongest artery. Did Mao have no sense of self
preservation at all??
He wanted to say something, anything, that didn't make him sound like an idiot,
but he found that he couldn’t say anything at all either way. That was almost
worse. He had so many questions for Mao, like when did he realize exactly? Why
didn’t he want to talk about this sooner? Had he told anyone else about this?
Had he talked about it with Rei? Did any of the other non-humans at their
school know what he knew? The only reason Ritsu even knew about them was by
smell, and he had never talked to them, but his brother had been pretty close
with them all. He was so distracted by all of the questions that he couldn’t
seem to vocalize, he didn’t realize that Mao must have asked him a question. He
was looking at Ritsu with one eyebrow raised and he noticed now that his cheeks
were dusted pink and that his eyes were expectant.
He managed a broken sounding “huh?” and that's about it. He was too distressed
by the fact that Mao knew and was still here, and not running away or leaving
him, Not calling him a psycho or offering to find him professional help, to
feel even a little embarrassed for his lack of vocabulary at present.
“Jeeze, Ricchan pay attention...” he said with a gentle smile, teasing him. “I
saaaaaaaid, when was the last time that you ate?” Mao asked softly, gently
squeezing his hand and effectively entering ‘wife mode’ as Ritsu liked to call
it. With how bad Ritsu looked, Mao didn’t want to scare him. The last thing he
needed right now was to go too far when he was in this kind of state and send
Ritsu into panic and have him reacting to him like a startled animal.
Ritsu had to take a minute on that one. He was effectively pulled from his
revelry, face going even paler as he considered the question...
Mao watched the muscles in Ritsu’s neck contract as he swallowed heavily before
answering as truthfully as he could.
“I… I don’t actually.. Remember?” at that, Ritsu broke eye contact and looked
back down at his hands. “A few days.. Maybe? How long has it been since…” He
trailed off, brows furrowing. “Oh man, I really don’t know…” well that’s bad,
probably…
And then Mao’s smell hit him. Fuck he smells good…
Suddenly Ritsu’s furrowed brows shot up and he immediately looked like he was
in agony. He brought his hands up to cover his nose and mouth with the sleeves
of his sweater and backing as far away from Mao as he could. He would not kill
him today, he couldn't. He just hoped Mao would leave really, really soon. In
hindsight, he wasn’t entirely sure why it took so long for him to smell Mao at
all. Usually he could smell him before he even got to the front door. He
guessed that his reactions both mental and physical must have been dulled by
something, but at this point, all things considered, it was his guess as to
which something that was. The list of possibilities was enough to make him
cringe at his own mistakes.
“Maakun should really go home…” Taking felt like he was about to start dry
heaving from hunger and Mao needed to get out of there as Ritsu had nothing to
distract him from how starving he was after not eating for a month, and how
absolutely divine his friend smelled. Mao just fearlessly rolled his eyes and
stood up, picking up the glass from the bedside table and walking towards the
bathroom that adjoined Ritsu’s bedroom. He took the look in Ritsu’s eyes as a
que to move away from the probably ravenous vampire now. For the first time
since Ritsu was turned, Mao thought he looked dangerous, but he kept that
thought off of his face as best as he could. He wasn’t frightened per-say, or
so he told himself, but he understood the urgency of the situation.
“You look like you're gonna hurl, Ricchan, I’m gonna go get you some water,
okay?”
Ritsu nodded and exhaled a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding,
grateful for the distance between them. The further away Mao stood, the less
likely Ritsu was to accidentally lose his composure and make the object of his
affection into his first meal in a month. Only when Mao’s hand touched the door
handle to the bathroom, had his head cleared and he fully realize his mistake.
That door was closed for a reason.
“MAO WAIT-!!!” He scrambled to his feet, yelling as loudly as he could manage
in his dehydrated state, but it was too late.
Mao didn't even register the sound of the glass in his hand shattering as it
hit the floor. His ears were immediately filled with white noise, time stilling
in his chest. Ritsu’s cries were completely lost to him. What greeted him was
something out of a horror movie.The smell of iron and rot flooded his nose, and
he was sure he was about to discover a corpse. The walls had blood splattered
from the baseboard to the ceiling. It pooled at his feet when he took a step
inside to fully take stock of the situation. Blood. Everywhere. Some of it was
dried, looking like it had been sitting there for at least a day. More of it
was still wet. Fresh. On the counter he was horrified to find at least two old-
fashioned shaving razors and more than a few empty pill bottles and used up
plastic syringes strewn about haphazardly. It was those that gave away just
exactly what Ritsu had tried to do. His unresponsiveness must have been
partially due to the sheer amount of substances in his body. He hadn't killed
anyone here, because the person he was trying to kill was already dead.
The ground rushed to kiss his knees and he braced himself on the doorframe to
keep from falling face first into the gore before him, and a soft pressure met
his waist and held him up. After a few moments, when the room came back into
focus, he recognized that pressure to be Ritsu’s arms around him. The warmth in
the middle of his back was where Ritsu’s head was buried while he choked down
tears and staining Mao’s shirt, trying to force the words out of his mouth.
“I’m sorry Mao, I’m so sorry. You were never supposed to see this, you were
supposed to stay bright. I’m so sorry. Maakun..please.. Please don’t leave me,
I’m sorry… I was being selfish, so selfish, I’m a selfish, stupid monster..
Please.. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...”
The words were repeated again and again for what felt like hours, but was
probably only about ten minutes, before Mao finally started to gain feeling in
his nerves again, numbness subsiding. He let Ritsu support him for long enough
for the room to stop spinning so that he could sit up, and immediately ran to
the toilet to vomit. The blood on the floor stained his knees, but he didn't
notice or care for the moment. Everything was too much.
Ritsu waited, rooted to the spot in the door frame, while Mao collected
himself. When he finally turned to face Ritsu, his face was stricken.
“I need… some air.” Mao finally whispered, voice hoarse, as he staggered on
shaking legs out of the bathroom, past Ritsu who still sat trembling on the
floor looking as ill as Mao felt, and into the hallway. He made it out the door
and collapsed on himself on the front step, breathing in the fresh air like it
was the last he’d ever see. He put his head between his knees and breathed
until he no longer felt Ritsu-shaped panic attack that had been threatening to
overtake him, body and mind. It took him nearly twenty minutes until he was
able compose himself and he was back to functioning order. He immediately began
going over every conversation that he had ever had with Ritsu. He had known
about his friend’s mental health problems for a few years now, even though
Ritsu would never admit to having them outright. He had noticed how ever since
the Change, Ritsu had declined in health both physically and mentally. He
hadn't realized that Ritsu was in enough pain that he wanted to kill himself.
He cursed himself both internally and under his breath for being such an idiot.
He shouldn’t have let Ritsu have more than a week to get back to without
intervening so he wasn’t completely alone with his thoughts. He knew for a fact
that Mr and Mrs Sakuma probably didn’t even know or care that their son had
missed a month of school, though they would deny it later. Even if he had just
tried to come over more often, he could have done more. He could have told his
unit “no,” for once… He should have made Ritsu talk to him.
At some point his sense kicked in and he was able to reason that if Ritsu had
wanted him there, he would have called him. He tried to tell himself that no
matter how true it felt, this was not his own fault. He had once called him
almost every day for three weeks to beg him to come pet him and feed him snacks
just because he knew Mao would go along with it, it’s not like he was subtle
when he wanted him around. Then again, the fact that Ritsu was missing from
school and not answering his phone for a month should have been Mao’s top
priority. Telling himself that he wasn't at fault felt like a lie to say the
least, even internally, but he needed to keep chanting that this wasn’t his
doing to himself if he wanted to get through today.
Didn’t Ritsu know that Mao would always be there for him when he needed him?
Didn’t he realize how Mao felt? He felt his heart breaking as he realized that,
no, he probably had no idea. They had never talked about it, really, and
honestly Mao for a while wasn’t even sure that his feelings were anything more
than just friendship. He knew that whether it was a friendship thing, or a …
more than that thing… Ritsu was his everything.
His hands trembled as he took his phone out of his pocket. He had to start
damage control before Ritsu’s condition got any worse and there was only one
person who would be able to deliver what he needed the most right now,
sustenance. Mao was suddenly grateful that Wataru owed him a favor for keeping
secrets for him.
The phone rang only once before Wataru answered.
“YES, yes? Isara! Mao! What can I do for you on this GLORIOUS OF GLORIOUS DAYS!
Yes! It is quite Amazi-!” Mao cut him off before he could continue, he so
didn’t have time to deal with this today. The oddballs had been so much more of
a headache lately, and Mao had no idea why they decided that now was the time
to make so much noise.
“Wataru-senpai please stop that, I have a favor to ask. I need to collect on
that favor you promised. Immediately.” Thankfully, Wataru seemed to sober
slightly from his usual carefree mood, picking up on Mao’s distress. His voice
was serious and unwavering when he replied.
“What do you need?”
Anyone else in the world would have been concerned or needed time to process
when Mao said “Blood. Lot’s of it. As soon as possible…” But that’s why he’d
called Wataru after all. With Rei gone, he was the only one who Mao was sure
would understand a request like that so suddenly, after all the faerie had his
own horrors to hide.
“Give me two hours.” Wataru ended the call before Mao could even give him an
address.
Slipping his phone back into his pocket, Mao lounged on the steps, letting his
head rest against the wall of the house. His hair had fallen out of it’s clip
somewhere between puking his guts out in Ritsu’s bathroom and having a panic
attack on the front steps, and Mao realized that he missed the comfort and
familiarity of having his hair pulled back, but he wasn’t prepared enough to go
back inside to find it and face Ritsu quite yet.
He thought for a moment before pulling his phone back out and dialing up the
closest pizza place to them that delivered and ordering two large pizza’s with
extra sauce and about twelve sides of extra tomato sauce on the side before
relaxing back into his lounging position. Ritsu and him will both need to eat
and he had a feeling that he would be missing school again tomorrow too.
Thankfully after that it would be the weekend and hopefully Mao would be able
to get him back on his feet again by Monday morning.
With a sigh Mao got to his feet and stretched his shoulders out. He might as
well go and try to clean up some of Ritsu’s mess while he waited. He had zero
desire to walk back into that bathroom, but if he needed to for any reason
later or if god forbid Ritsu’s parent’s come home, he wanted it to be at least
clean. He wouldn’t be able to ever get the sight out of his memory, it was
burned in, but at least bleach would take care of everything else.
He walked back into the house and retrieved a garbage bag, rubber gloves and a
new unopened bottle of bleach from below the kitchen sink and then wordlessly
walked back into Ritsu’s room. The boy was laying in bed again, this time
curled up in the fetal position with tears staining his cheeks. Mao didn’t stop
to talk to him, he wasn’t ready for that quite yet. Ritsu didn’t push him to
talk either, but he kept his eyes trained on him the entire time that he
worked. He brought everything into the bathroom, glancing around clinically to
gauge what should be done first, and set to work picking up the debris that was
strewn everywhere and putting them directly into the trash bag. When he started
scrubbing the walls and floors with straight bleach, he realised that it was
almost relaxing. As the blood was methodically cleaned off of everything, it
felt like the things he had felt when he had seen it the first time were being
washed away too. For a moment he thought that he might be almost enjoying this,
until he realized that he was probably just losing his mind, unhelped by
inhaling chemical fumes.Thankfully Ritsu’s bathroom was relatively small and it
only took him about an hour and a half to scrub everything out. He paused his
work twice, once to go open both of the windows near Ritsu’s bed. By then it
was dark, so the windows being open shouldn’t be an issue. The second time was
to open the door for the pizza delivery person. After he had paid them and sat
the pizza on Ritsu’s bed, he went back to finish the last of it. Manual labor
had always been his favorite way of working through stress, and he was relieved
to see that after a solid hour and a half when the job was finished, he felt
like a weight had been lifted.
He packed everything up and put the cleaning supplies away. After properly
disposing of the trash bag of horrors, Mao gingerly sat back on the front steps
to soak in some fresh air after being locked in with harsh fumes for an hour
and a half.
As he closed his eyes and waited for Wataru to show up, he thought that this
was probably the worst thing that had happened to him in...well, ever.. He also
realized that, all things considered, it probably was not the worst thing Ritsu
had experienced. Ever since Ritsu was turned, Mao noticed little things that
changed too.
For one, Ritsu used to love to be touched. Casual skinship used to be his
favorite thing ever. But now? Sometimes even wrapping his arms around Ritsu’s
shoulders was enough to make him tense and lean away. He’d mentioned to Anzu
that he hated casual skinship unless he was the one to initiate contact
recently, but Mao was positive that he never used to be like that at all. He
didn’t want to think about what had happened when Ritsu was changed to make him
pull a 180 like that. He shuddered just thinking about possible scenarios for
that one. He still didn't even know what had happened. He probably wasn’t ever
planning on even telling Mao that he was a real and not fake, like people at
school always joked, vampire. Mao was lost in somber thought, wondering what
Ritsu had been thinking this whole month, when Wataru coming up the walk
elegantly dragging a fishing cooler behind him broke him from his thoughts.
“How did you know where I was?” Mao stood up and dusted himself off, grimacing
when he remembered his blood stained knees.
“Child, all things considered there was no other place you could be. Rei’s
little brother hasn’t been in school since he was sent to England, despite not
having been withdrawn from the school officially. He is also … like Rei, and
even myself in some cases, which is PROBABLY why you called me.” Wataru’s smile
was bright but his eyes were somber. He looked down at Mao then directly in the
direction of Ritsu’s room and crinkled his nose in disgust.
“I rarely suggest keeping information from those that I consider to be my best
friends due to their natures and… reactive temperaments, but Rei would blame
himself for everything his brother has ‘done’ and therefore I absolutely forbid
you from mentioning this to him.”
The look on Wataru’s face was inhuman. Mao found that he was more afraid in
that moment, looking this ridiculously bizarre, blue-haired Faerie in the face,
then he did sitting next to a boy who could drain him dry in seconds an hour
ago. He found himself gulping slightly as the cold sweat beaded on the back of
his neck.
“Honestly, I don’t know Sakuma-san very well anyway. I wouldn’t be able to tell
him something like this… if he wants to tell him, Ritsu will. Actually, scratch
that he won't say anything either. He didn’t even want me to know… he just
wanted to be…” Dead. Gone.
Mao’s voice caught in his throat and he suddenly found it hard to breathe,
again. A few tears managed to slip down his cheeks before Wataru pulled him
into a hug. As unexpected and bizarre the feeling was, he was grateful. They
stayed like that for a few moments while Mao recollected himself. As he pulled
away sniffling, he reached up to wipe the tears away with the back of his hand
and laughed hollowly.
“Ha, so much for” sniffle “staying out of unnecessary trouble… Thank you by the
way, I didn’t expect to use that favor for this, but I’m glad I was able to.”
he gave a wry smile and tried his best to not look as emotionally decimated as
he felt after the events of the day. Wataru’s expression met his as he waved
his hand between them.
“Nonsense, this was a favor to one of my closest friends. I won't count this
one this time. Besides, Rei would come back and find some way to murder me if I
let his brother die. Hmm perhaps a dagger made of pure silver? Delightful! Oh
yes, not to mention that it would be dreadfully irritating for me if he
murdered you. Very messy, you see. Yes! And entirely frustrating seeing as
Keito intends for you to be on the Student Council next year alongside us. To
be quite frank, I am wholly surprised that you decided to call me first,
instead of insisting that he drink from you. That would have been deadly given
the state of things, but you don’t seem to be very much into self preservation.
Ah yes, but now I guess you and Eichi finally have something in common!”
Wataru’s expression grew soft and his eyes glittered at the thought of
Tenshouin Eichi.
Mao didn’t like the new student council president at all, and honestly he was
pretty concerned that Wataru was comparing the two of them. He also failed to
see how this situation could possibly warrant such a comparison to begin with.
“Uh, Wataru-Senpai, if you wouldn’t mind both explaining and never making that
comparison again, I would greatly appreciate it. His discomfort was palpable
but Wataru just laughed again as his eyes took on a mischievous glint. He
leaned in, bringing a hand up to whisper in Mao’s ear.
“You're the same, Isara-kun, because you are both in love with monsters.” The
way he said it was both impish and almost conspiratory. Mao’s face heated up
immediately as he tried to stutter out a response.
“W-what! I never said-!” His words were lost as his face became even hotter
under Wataru’s knowing gaze.
“How did you even know….” He whispered loudly, hoping desperately that Ritsu
wasn’t listening to this whole conversation with his annoyingly good hearing.
“It’s extremely obvious. Especially to someone who can hear your heart rate
increase every time he so much as touches your shoulder. Even if I wasn’t
‘special’ though, honestly you treat that boy like he is your husband. I’m
surprised he hasn’t formally asked you to be his wife yet, though i'm sure he
has suggested it more than once.” His tone said that he knew for a fact that
Ritsu had indeed, on many occasions, referred to Mao as his wife, or commented
that a role like that would suit him. That did absolutely nothing to quell the
embarrassment flooding through him, or to calm the warm blood that bubbled in
his cheeks. He suddenly felt incredibly warm inside, despite the slight chill
in the spring air and the clammy quality his skin still retained.. Mao smiled
abashedly and looked down at his shoes. Ugh, he was in too deep. ‘This is so
troublesome!This is all too much!’ he thought to himself for not the first time
that day.
Wataru cleared his throat and leaned down to regain eye contact. Mao met his
gaze with questioning eyes.
“With all things, particularly recent ones, considered, I think it would be
prudent to talk to him about how you feel. It may put things into perspective
for him a bit if he knows the feelings are mutual.” they are what now!?!
“Wait what? How do you know that? There's no way…” Mao’s eyes were as big as
saucers, face red as ever.
“You sweet child, please. This delicate creature can not handle such innocence,
I will die, silver dagger be damned. There is no question about how he feels
about you, his emotions are as palpable as yours on any given day. Honestly the
fact that you two haven’t talked about this before now, as I am suggesting you
do immediately, is both baffling and would be distressing if i actually cared
about such things.” His smile said ‘I do care, you stupid children’ and he
ruffled Mao’s hair affectionately. “Now, I really must leave this package in
your care. Little Sakuma-san doesn’t particularly care for me and the less of
me he smells surrounding you when you go back in, the better.” With that he
hands the handle of the cooler over to Mao and takes a step back. “Please do
your best to help him get through this.”
Mao bowed his head and sniffled again, tears threatening for the millionth
time. “Thank you for all of your help Wataru-Senpai. I wouldn’t be able to get
through this without you.” By the time he raised his head again, Wataru was
already gone. He looked down at the giant cooler by his feet and sighed as he
pulled it into the house. Honestly it was lot heavier than it looked and Mao
struggled to get it into the house, despite it being on wheels. Basketball did
not prepare him for this! Thankfully he didn’t have that far to lug it across
the house, Ritsu’s bedroom wasn’t that far. He shoved it in and shut the door
behind him.
Ritsu was still curled up in the fetal position in his bed, a nest of blankets
wrapped around his scrunched up body. He looked up when he hears the door click
shut and quickly moved to rub the tears that have not seemed to stop at all
from his puffy red cheeks.
“Maakun.. I-I thought that you left…I’m sorry you had to clean all of that by
yourself...” He sniffled again and curled in on himself more, wide eyes locked
on Mao’s. Mao moved to bring the cooler to the wall near the window and quickly
retrieved three bags of blood from inside. Opening it, he could see why it was
so heavy. It was stacked from bottom to top with blood bags, in varying types.
He fished out three at random and tossed them onto the bed, near Ritsu’s face.
Ritsu’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he was tearing into
them, relief flooding his features the second the blood touched his tongue. Mao
watched him drain all three at record speed and then decided to put about five
more in front of him for good measure. By the third bag, he started slowing
down. Mao sat on the bed next to him and pulled a pizza box over, noting that
Ritsu had already eaten one slice and most of the marinara containers were
empty. Good. He ate while he watched the color returning to Ritsu’s cheeks and
his eyes go from the black-flint that they had come to resemble, to the crimson
that Mao had become accustom to.
By the time Mao finished his first slice of pizza, Ritsu was finishing the last
of his blood bags. Ritsu finished the last one and leaned back against his
headboard, eyes closed and breathing through his nose. Mao figured that it was
probably safe to pull Ritsu into his arms while he kept eating, and Ritsu
immediately snuggled himself into his embrace.
“Feel any better?” Mao asked around a mouthful of food. He could feel Ritsu
nodding against his shoulder. “Mmmmn… you smell like that faerie… is that where
you got all of this?” Ritsu’s nose wrinkled a little bit at the smell, but he
didn’t move to escape from Mao’s arms.
“Yeah, he uh, owed me a favor. “ Mao shrugged like it wasn’t as big of a deal
as it actually was.
“Ugh gross...How did you even know about him? I only know because I can smell
him. His blood smells like dead roses.” Ritsu frowned and grabbed a piece of
the Pizza to nibble on.
Mao laughed nervously and squeezed Ritsu closer to him, “I actually met him at
the hospital before I started here this year when my sister was sick. I found
him near the mortuary a few times while wondering around and then once he was
shoving blood bags into his backpack. You know, I’m pretty sure that he’s the
reason why Tenshouin is so sick all of the time. Like he’s draining him a
little bit at a time… just a theory though.” The more Mao thought about it, the
more sense that theory made. The fact that Eichi was still alive probably was
only due to that sparkle that he’d noticed earlier when Wataru mentioned his
name.
“Well anyway, when I came to school at the beginning of the year he cornered me
and asked if I’d told anyone and asked me not to say anything. He said he could
‘smell the potential’ on me or something, and anyway he would owe me a favor. I
wasn’t gonna mention it anyway, it was kinda terrifying, so I agreed… plus
Hokuto knows him from drama club.” Mao shrugged again and took another bite of
his pizza.
Ritsu leaned away so that he could look at the other boy more clearly.
“I don't like Maakun hanging out with such weird people… what if he had decided
to kill you, huh? Then I would have had to kill my brother’s friend and I don't
think he would taste too good.” He pouted at Mao, who blushed and looked away.
Ritsu noticed that Mao had pizza sauce on the bottom corner of his mouth and
the desire to lick it off of him was almost impossible to ignore. Instead he
settled on wiping it off with his thumb.
Mao froze, heart nearly stopping in his chest, as he felt the tips of Ritsu’s
fingers caress his cheek while he wiped up the stray sauce. His gaze met
Ritsu’s again just as he was bringing that same thumb back to his own lips and
sucking the sauce off of them.
Ritchan you can’t just do things like that, I’ll die, dying on his tongue
before he could open his mouth.
Was he trying to give Mao a heart attack by being hot? That didn’t exactly feel
fair… their gazes held for another moment before Mao cleared his throat and
focused on the last piece of pizza in the box. He’d eaten more than he thought,
but he would need to be well fed if he was going to go through with what he
knew he needed to do. Wataru had been right when he had guessed that Mao would
let Ritsu drink from him, himself.
“Anyway Ritcchan, it’s a good thing I had him to call today. I don’t exactly
think Pizza sauce would have held you over without it. And… I’ll feel better
about letting you drink from me if I know we have both already eaten.” He looks
back up at Ritsu, whose eyes have darkened considerably, giving him a weak
smile.
“Maakun… that isn’t really necessary…” He knows it will make him feel so much
better, drinking fresh, live blood is always much better than bagged blood. He
is not in anyway prepared to use Mao like that though. It feels like he wants
to use him like a protein shake. “You don’t need to feel like that’s something
you have to do for me… plus it’s way different to feed on someone to kill them
and drinking from them to… well not kill them.” It’s actually a pretty erotic
experience according to Rei. He hoped Mao couldn’t see where his pants were
already tightening at the thought of drinking from him. He knew what Mao’s
blood tasted like, he had jokingly licked the blood out of a papercut a few
times, but that was only to see what he would do. It tasted perfect that time,
he could only imagine what it would be like now, covering his tongue.
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to Ritsu.” Mao’s face was suddenly very
serious and Ritsu was almost startled by it. Sensing that Ritsu needed some
clarification, Mao continued, “I need you to know that I trust you even if I
know what you are, and that I care about you, still. I know you could kill me,
but I also know you won't. You don’t have to do any of this alone Ritcchan.”
His tone was soft and his eyes were insistent. Ritsu realized that this was
Mao’s way of telling him that he trusted him completely, that he cared about
him so deeply that he would be willing to share the same vitality. His head
swam and the warmth in his stomach spread all the way down to his toes. Tears
made his eyes sting, but he refused to let them fall.
“Maakun… I want to… I would love to drink from you, but there’s no way I’m
gonna let you do this without understanding the repercussions…” Thankfully Mao
seemed attentive, and not like he was intending on brushing this off as Ritsu
just whining about something. That was important. Ritsu cleared his throat
twice before he kept talking. “See, if you let me drink from you it’s probably
gonna make things different between us. When vampires drink from humans without
the intent to kill, it's always … a little heated..” Just like Ritsu’s face and
neck apparently. “Most people use it as a sex thing, honestly. It makes both
parties want to….yeah.. So uh, I doubt you want that but, that’s about it.”
Mao’s face was a red as his, but he didn’t pull away and he didn’t seem
distressed or disgusted by the idea. “I would honestly prefer if you took some
time to think this through before we do something that we can’t undo, you know?
If you think about it for a while and you still want to, then okay. I don’t
want you to be weirded out because we’re both guys or something...”
Ritsu’s eyes stayed locked onto Mao’s while they both had the same realization
that Ritsu just essentially said that he wanted to have sex with Mao in
addition to drinking is blood. Ritsu tried really hard not to think about it,
there was no taking it back now. Mao just nodded and hoped that Ritsu couldn’t
tell how much that idea turned him on, that would be way too embarrassing.
Mao blushed and looked down at his hands, fidgeting with a loose thread on
Ritsu’s blanket. I guess we’re having this conversation now…
“Ricchan, I don’t really need time for this. Even if we’re both guys, it’s just
you. So it’s okay.” He refused to look up at Ritsu for this, his heart couldn’t
take it.
“Maakun… it wouldn’t be fair of me to take advantage of you like that, since I
want you… I might say something that I regret. I want it, but probably too
much. That isn’t fair.” Ritsu’s heart hurt to even say it, but he didn’t know
if he would get another chance to tell him all of this without chickening out.
Mao looked up at him then, eyebrows disappearing behind his loose bangs.
“Ritchan, you you really think I would tell you that this kind of thing was
okay if I didn’t… if I hadn’t thought about it before? I care about you so
much, somewhere along the way I guess I realized that I liked you too… I
promise that you wouldn’t be taking advantage of me.” He almost laughed, he
couldn’t believe where this conversation was heading… that Wataru was actually
right about this.
Ritsu just sat there, mouth open and looking dumbfounded. He barely managed
“But… You’re straight…?” before his voice just decided that it was done for
now.
Mao rolled his eyes, realizing that Ritsu wasn’t going to get it unless he did
something himself. He moved the empty bags and pizza box to the floor next to
the bed and turned to straddle Ritsu’s hips, fighting down a blush and draping
his arms over his shoulders.
“I thought so too, and I’m not completely convinced that I’m not at least
mostly straight… but the only person I’ve ever wanted is you, so I guess it’s
kind of a moot point? I just want this...” He pressed their foreheads together
and brought his fingers up to gently trail over Ritsu’s slightly parted lips.
He had thought about them so many times, and now here they were. Pink under his
fingertips and just as soft as they looked, if not a little chapped from
dehydration. Ritsu’s eyes slipped closed as he leaned into Mao’s touch, softly
kissing his fingers.
“Maakun… I love your hands, please keep proving to me that you aren't straight.
Actually I might need proof that I didn’t fall asleep when you left. How do I
know I’m not dreaming? How do I know that maakun hasn’t been thinking of me as
a girl this whole time?” Mao shifted so that his own lips could ghost over
Ritsu’s without kissing him, yet.
“How do you suggest I do that?” His breath tickled Ritsu’s lips and he moved so
that one hand rested on Ritsu’s shoulder and the other tangled in his hair,
tugging ever so lightly.
The noise that came out of Ritsu’s mouth was not words, but instead a strangled
moan. Mao took that as his cue, and leaned in ever so slightly to finally press
his lips to Ritsu’s. The kiss was gentle and soft and Ritsu held onto Mao’s
lips like his life depended on it. His disappointment when Mao pulled away
quickly dissolved as their lips touched, again and again. The hand that Mao had
tangled in Ritsu’s hair tightened and he used the moan that Ritsu breathed into
him as an opportunity to slip his tongue past his lips. His tongue was met
enthusiastically with Ritsu’s and it was his turn to moan as the slide of their
tongues together went straight to his pants. The kiss was messy and their teeth
clacked together a few times, both taking their time to learn how to kiss each
other. Mao would have been embarrassed by how much he was enjoying their mess
of a kiss if he couldn’t feel Ritsu’s own hardening erection under him as he
sat straddling his lap.
Ritsu felt like his nerves were on fire. He couldn’t remember feeling this many
positive emotions all at once ever, but that must have been a byproduct of
finally having Mao, his sunshine and light, the boy he cared so much about,
letting him kiss him like it was the only thing he needed to survive. He pulled
Mao closer by the hips and deepened their kiss until he couldn’t tell where his
skin stopped and his own began. Mao’s hands moved to the hem of his shirt and
slipped under to caress the skin at his waist.
Feeling Mao’s hands on his skin, finally after years of waiting, made him feel
hungrier than his bloodlust ever had. He quickly lifted his own shirt off and
over his head and threw it off of the bed before recapturing Mao’s lips in his
own. Mao’s were just as hungry as Ritsu’s as he unzipped his hoodie and pushed
it off while Ritsu fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. After a few minutes
of struggling, Ritsu growled and yanked it open, popping the remaining buttons
off completely. He ground his hips up into Mao and moved his lips straight to
his neck, kissing the skin there until it looked red enough to bruise. The thud
of his pulse filled Ritsu’s senses and he was again thankful that he had
actually eaten before this. Mao keened and leaned into the mouth hot on his
neck, entangling his fingers in Ritsu’s hair and grinding himself down onto his
half hard cock to meet him halfway.
Ritsu’s tongue dragged down hot skin until he reached one of Mao’s nipples,
taking it between his teeth without hesitation.
“R-Rit-nng!” Mao’s voice was breathy and strangled as he leaned up on his knees
to give Ritsu better access to his chest. The sound had Ritsu grinding up into
Mao harder and pulling him closer. When the nipple between his teeth started
was pliant enough, he moved to the other and held Mao close by the hips. He
reveled in the sounds that Mao was making, they were absolutely incredible.
Ritsu decided that now that he had heard the way that Mao’s breath sounded when
he was aroused, he refused to go more than a few hours without it ever again.
He finally couldn’t take it anymore and after Mao’s nipples were equally as
abused, he pulled Mao’s legs tighter around his own hips and leaned forward
until they tumbled back so that Mao’s back was flat against the bed. Ritsu
pressed his lips to Mao’s collar bone and trailed his hands up and down his
torso possessively.
“Maakun, let me take care of you… please..” he punctuated it by kissing the
curve of Mao’s neck and pressing a thumb firmly into his hip bone, holding him
down. Mao nodded and leaned his head to the side to give Ritsu better access to
the skin there.
“R-ritchan please…” His voice was still a breathy whisper, and every word went
straight to Ritsu’s cock. “Ritchan, make me yours… let me be everything you
need… let me be the only thing you need..” His hands were in Ritsu’s hair,
tugging in all the right ways. That mixed with what he just said had Ritsu’s
brain short circuiting and he found himself grinding down into Mao and his
teeth bared against his neck. He struggled to wrench himself away so that he
wouldn’t bite down, not yet.
“Maakun that's not faiiiiir, you're making me want to bite you noow! I was
gonna wait until I was inside you for that…” He huffed against Mao’s exposed
chest, kissing the skin there as he did. The groan that he got from Mao was all
Ritsu needed to know that he was just as aroused by the idea as he was.
Leaning up slightly to take Ritsu’s lips between his teeth and grip his hair at
the base of his neck gently, just enough to tingle.
“Then you’d better hurry up and get inside me, Ritchan. You said you wanted to
make me your wife didn’t you? So, do it.”
Fuck!
Mao had zero idea what was possessing him to say such lewd things, he knew he
was talking like someone from one of his naughty manga, like someone who knew
what they were doing. He was incredibly embarrassed, but he couldn’t bring
himself to stop when he saw how much it affected the boy above him.
Ritsu felt his entire torso blush when Mao latched himself onto Ritsu’s neck,
sucking on the skin there like he was the vampire instead. Ritsu’s hands busied
themselves by undoing Mao’s belt and pulling his pants and underwear down
together past his hips as fast as he could manage. Mao palmed Ritsu through his
sweatpants until he was ready to pull them off. When they were both completely
naked, Mao pulled away to look at the boy in front of him. They took only a
moment to take each other in, both obviously nervous, before Ritsu pulled Mao
back to his lips. This kiss was gentler, full of reassurance and he hoped it
would be enough to let Mao know just how much all of this meant.
He pulled away just enough to kiss Mao’s nose before he sat up and leaned off
of the bed to get to the drawer in his bedside table. He grabbed the bottle
that sat there but then hesitated with the drawer still opened. He looked back
at Mao and set the bottle down on the bed. “I’m clean… but if you still want to
use condoms then that’s totally fine… it’s up to you though.” He bit his lip,
hoping that the idea of condoms wouldn’t make Mao realize who he’s about to
sleep with, or about the fact that he was about to have a cock inside of him in
general, and reconsider.
Mao’s eyes turned lustful and he grabbed Ritsu’s hand,forcefully pulling him
back to him and kissing him hard. “Unnecessary, I want all of you inside me
tonight. I need all of you the first time.” Mao’s dirty talk had Ritsu thanking
god for blessing him with this boy. He looked so innocent, but here he was
telling Ritsu that he wanted him cumming inside him and insinuating that it
would not be the only time they did this.
Ritsu wasted no time in squeezing out a generous amount of lube into his hand.
He loomed over Mao and slipped his tongue back into his mouth as he reached
between his thighs and made sure that his hole was slick before pressing a
finger in and working it slowly in and out. He felt as Mao tensed under him at
the new sensation and he moved his lips to the shell of his ear instead.
“That’s it maakun, just relax. It’s just me, I’ll take care of you.” He
whispered words of encouragement into his ear, breath ghosting over the skin of
his ear until he felt Mao relax around his finger. He slid it all the way to
the last knuckle a few times before adding a second finger. “That’s it Maakun,
just like that. You’re doing so wonderfully darling, you're being such a
perfect wife… all that dirty talk is making your husband want to fuck you till
you scream...” He heard Mao whimper under him, taking note that he was enjoying
all of this just as much as he was. Ritsu shifted so that he could massage all
of the best parts inside of him until he was panting and rolling his hips to
meet the thrust of Ritsu’s fingers.
“Ritchan please… I need more, hurry uuup.” He looked absolutely wrecked
already, his breath shifting between low and sultry back to those breathy sighs
again and Ritsu hadn’t even gotten his dick inside him yet. Ritsu swallowed
heavily, sweat beading at his brow.
“Fuck… just a little bit more, you’re doing so well. Just a little more, I have
to make sure you’re ready..” He wanted nothing more than to shove in right now,
but he wouldn’t do anything that would hurt Mao. Instead he added a third
finger the second he felt Mao was ready and scissored inside of him, massaging
the place that he knew would drive Mao crazy. It worked, Mao was immediately
putty under his hands, back arching off the bed. “R-Ritc-chan p-please I-im
gonna cum before you even-!” Ritsu pulled his fingers out abruptly, getting the
message.
“God Maakun, you’re opening up for me so easily, you’re so beautiful, I’m so
tempted to just let you get off on my fingers, but I’m way too impatient for
that.. fuck, come here.” He grabbed a pillow from the bed and slid it under
Mao’s hips before lining himself up. Looking up into Mao’s blissed out eyes, he
hesitated.
“Are you sure about this? This is the last chance to say no…” Ritsu was still
worried that he would wake up soon and find out that this was all a dream. He
would probably spontaneously combust, honestly.
“Sakuma Ritsu, if you don’t get inside me right now I’m going to be so mad.
Don’t be troublesome in bed, just be a good boy and fuck me!” Mao didn’t intend
for his blissed out babbling to be so demanding, but he couldn’t bring himself
to regret it despite how embarrassed he was to have said anything so vulgar. It
was completely worth it to hear the growl that escaped Ritsu’s lips as he
poured lube on his cock, thoroughly coating it before he leaned forward and
pushed himself inside the heat of Mao’s body.
Honestly Mao had been terrified that it would hurt to have Ritsu’s cock inside
him. That didn’t stop him from encouraging it, and now that it was there he was
glad that Ritsu had spent so much time preparing him despite his earlier
complaints. The stretch was too much. It was incredible. He felt his muscles
tense as Ritsu slowly slid all the way in, breathing hard the whole time.
“Maakun are you okay? You’re doing so well, you feel so fucking good… Fuck,
You’re so tight, If it’s too much just tell me and I’ll stop..” Mao nodded and
mumbled “Don't you dare stop, just. Give me a second okay?” He tried to keep
his breathing even, his whole body was screaming that this was wrong. It hurt
and the stretch was too much, and all that did was make Mao’s dick harder.
After a few minutes he finally was able to relax slightly around Ritsu’s gently
rocking cock. He exhaled the breath he had been subconsciously holding.
“A-ah okay.. That feels...really nice Ritchan..” He completely relaxed around
the other boy, letting him slide in and out of him easily. Feeling him relax
was Ritsu’s cue to pick up the pace slightly, sliding in all the way to the
hilt. He laced their fingers together and kissed Mao softly as he continued to
rock into him, the squeeze and heat of Mao’s body feeling perfect around him.
“Maakun, you’re so perfect… you feel so perfect, you’re doing so good taking my
whole cock, I’ve wanted you for so long…” He was worried that he might start
crying, instead he pulled Mao flush against him and hiked a leg over his
shoulder to get to that angle that would let him slide in even deeper and hit
that spot inside of him that would set him off. He knew he’d hit it because he
could feel Mao tense around him and his moans turned into broken cries in his
ears.
“Y-yes Ritsu right there! Fuck fuck FUCK!” he squeezed Ritsu’s hand so hard
that his knuckles turned white, but Ritsu didn’t really care. He leaned in and
pressed his lips to Mao’s neck and baring his teeth against his skin again.
“Maakun, I’m gonna make you feel so good,” he mumbled as he kissed his neck and
kept hitting that spot inside him again and again.
“R-ritchan..ah! Just… Just make me yours…” Mao’s low, pleading voice, made it
impossible for him to resist sinking his teeth into the flesh at his shoulder.
Blood flooded his mouth and Ritsu and Mao both groaned in pleasure at the same
time. He felt Mao contract around him and heard his moans in his ear as he came
hot and heavy between them. Ritsu was instantly overwhelmed with the sensation
of live blood in his system. He felt like his senses were finally cleared,
better than they had been before he poisoned himself. His strength increased
instantly, and so did his thrusts into Mao. Mao had gone all but limp under him
and Ritsu knew he needed to stop. He wrenched his mouth from Mao’s skin and
gasped for air. He definitely took too much, but not enough to kill him for
sure. He looked down at Mao who looked a little pale but overall just blissed
out. A few more hard thrusts, his hands tightening on Mao’s hips until they
bruised, and staring at Mao’s post-orgasm face and Ritsu was coming hard and
deep inside him.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, with Ritsu still inside him whispering
apologies for drinking so much while they both tried to catch their breath and
Mao teetering on the edge of consciousness, the picture of pure bliss. When
Ritsu eventually pulled out, he pulled Mao into his arms and brought them both
under his blanket nest. He pressed his lips to Mao’s temple who wrapped his
arms around ritsu’s middle as best as he could while his limbs felt like jelly.
Against his chest Mao whispered something so soft that Ritsu was sure it was
just his imagination.”
“Hmm? Did you say something?” He brought his hands up to smooth Mao’s hair away
from his face and kiss his cheeks. Mao smiled at him softly, green eyes sleepy
and content...
“Mm mlove you ritchan…” His mumbling was almost lost for the second time, but
Ritsu heard it. He pulled Mao closer to bury his head in Mao’s red hair and
felt the tears that had been threatening to spill since Mao had told him that
he wanted him, finally drench his cheeks.
“I love you too, Maakun.. God I love you so much…” Mao was already asleep, but
that didn’t stop Ritsu from petting him and kissing his forehead through his
tears, over and over.
He knew that their talk wasn’t over. He had a lot of explaining to do and
groveling for forgiveness for a whole list of things. The mess that Mao found
in the bathroom was at the top of the list. He had been delirious with hunger
but too depressed to do anything about it, and too scared of hurting someone to
make any kind of effort anyway. That didn’t forgive the fact that if he had
succeeded, Mao would have been the one who found his corpse on the bathroom
floor that day. Mao didn’t deserve that… Mao didn’t deserve any of that. Mao
deserved to be loved and he deserved to have a ...a friend? A boyfriend? Ritsu
wasn’t even positive that Mao would still want this in the morning. He deserved
for Ritsu to trust him. Mao had quite literally trusted him with his life not
only that night, but every time they were together since he was turned.
Mao knew he was a vampire… Mao knew that he was in love with him, and the
feelings were mutual… Mao accepted everything that had happened and he was
still there to hold his hand. Ritsu smiled as the warmth that radiated from the
soul of the boy in his arms infiltrated his senses. For the first time in
months he didn’t feel scared, he didn’t feel numb. He drifted to sleep as he
slipped into a little paradise of hope in his mind, completely blaming this
little light budding in his chest on Mao. Maybe, just maybe… things would get
better.
End Notes
     I finally got around to actually posting something here, shocking I
     know. What isn't shocking is that the first think I am posting is
     Mao/ Ritsu because I am predicable. I wanted to get this posted
     before the event ended because I'm suffering and also Mao is there?
     I'm dying. But anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this little fic that I
     put together! I've been working on it for a few weeks and it's been
     fighting me, but I'm finally done looking at it. I did some basic
     editing, sorry if there are any mistakes! Let me know what you guys
     think!
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