Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8711287.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage, Major_Character_Death, Rape/
      Non-Con
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Captain_America_(Movies)
  Relationship:
      James_"Bucky"_Barnes/Steve_Rogers, Joseph_Rogers/Sarah_Rogers, George
      Barnes/Winifred_Barnes
  Character:
      James_"Bucky"_Barnes, Steve_Rogers, Joseph_Rogers, Sarah_Rogers, George
      Barnes_(Marvel), Winifred_Barnes, Rebecca_Barnes_Proctor, Brock_Rumlow,
      Clint_Barton, Sam_Wilson_(Marvel), Original_Characters
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Farm/Ranch, New_Job, Pre-Serum_Steve_Rogers, Past
      Bucky_Barnes/Steve_Rogers, 1930s, Alternate_Universe_-_1930s, Shy_Steve
      Rogers, Protective_Bucky_Barnes, Homophobia, Homophobic_Language, Period-
      Typical_Homophobia, Male_Homosexuality, Homosexuality, Minor_Steve_Rogers
      -_Freeform, Shyness, Flirting, Awkward_Flirting, Bad_Flirting, Attempted
      Seduction, Attempted_Sexual_Assault, First_Kiss, First_Time, Religious
      Imagery_&_Symbolism, Religious_Guilt, Sex, Making_Love, Underage_Sex,
      Shower_Sex, Oral_Sex, Secret_Relationship, Birthday_Sex, Passion, Falling
      In_Love, Love, Friendship/Love, Love_Confessions, True_Love, Boys_In
      Love, First_Love, Love_Letters, Love_at_First_Sight, Goodbye_Sex, Forgive
      Me, dont_hate_me, I_Love_You_All, Artist_Steve_Rogers, Diary/Journal,
      Forced_Eye_Contact, Forced_Seduction, Murder, Anxiety, Anxiety_Attacks,
      Panic_Attacks
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-12-10 Chapters: 14/? Words: 12493
****** Dear Steve ******
by JamesBuchananStucky107
Summary
     I could see how shy he got, hell, any smart person would. The way
     this kid looks right now, he looks like a frightened puppy. Then he
     asked "So...You're uh, you're the new guy my Dad hired, huh?"
     I nodded and so did he. He said "Alright....C'mon, I'll show ya the
     ropes."
***** Chapter 1 *****
March_15th,_1937
 
 Dear Diary, Journal, Whatever,
 
I told Ma I didn't want this thing to write in, but she wouldn't let me leave
without it. I kept telling her no, but then she said her famous "I've made my
peace with the Lord...So now I'm gonna count to 3." Then that's when I knew she
got me. Cause "I'm gonna count to 3" to us, means you better do as she says, or
she'll beat the holy hell outta your ass. 
She told me that writing is a good thing, and that it's good for your mind and
your soul...Whatever that means. But eh, why not? I'll give it a shot. I won't
write in this thing every day, though. Only when I feel like it. She didn't say
I had to wrote every day. But she did tell me to write her a letter every
month. 
Now I'm off to work. I recently got a job as a farmhand for some farmer in
upstate New York. Him and his family run a farm, and they need all the help
they can get. My Daddy knows the guy who hired me, and told him he'd be lost
without me, and that I was a hard worker. 
Gee, thanks Dad.
My birthday was on the 10th. I'm now 20 years old. I'm a man now, and men gotta
work hard. I was working down at the docks back in Brooklyn, but they thought a
little time from home would do me some good...Or as Dad put it, it would "put
some hair on your chest."
I know nothing about farming, whatsoever. I've lived in Brooklyn all my life,
I'm a city guy, I couldn't last five minutes out on a farm! What if the old man
I'm working for now finds that out?! What would he do then?!
He'd put me out on my ass, that's what he'd do.
Signed,
The schmuck who's gonna be out on his ass faster than you can say "The Great
Bambino."
I put down the pencil and closed the book, before looking out the window. I was
sitting on a train, and everything about it was just so amazing, but so
confusing. 
Like how the hell, did anyone even think about makin' somethin' like a train?!
How the hell did they make it, how the hell do they make it move?!?! When it
started movin' after I got on it, it almost scared the shit outta me. Then this
guy on the seat next to mine, just gave me a weird look, and laughed.
But this schmuck shouldn't be laughing, he don't even gotta neck! He's so fat,
he probably hasn't seen his own feet in years! And I reckon he probably hasn't
seen his junk in years, either. Probably thinks it went missin'.
And he's laughin' at me cause I've never been on a train before. S'cuse me if
not everyone can afford to ride a train, big guy. 
Eh, forget him. He can't do shit if he can hardly even fit in his seat. I
chuclldd at that and just kept lookin' out the window. I've honestly never been
too far away from Brooklyn, and it's honestly a little terrifying.
It sucked leavin' them at the train station. Ma almost made me break down and
cry, Jesus. I'm only gonna be 6 hours away, but still. Well, they can't come
and see me, and I wouldn't get to leave to see them unless it's the holidays.
But I promised them as soon as I could, I'd come home and spend some time with
them.
Soon the train stopped at a station, and I got off. My instructions were once I
get off the train, I'd get picked up by the boss man himself. So after I got
off, I just waited.
20 minutes later, a car came, and the driver honked their horn at me. I quickly
threw my shit in the bed of his truck, and got in the cab with him. He said
"Sorry I'm late, damn traffic."
I said "Oh no Sir, you're fine. Don't worry 'bout it."
He nodder and started driving. He said "It's finally good to meet ya,
Son...What's your name again?"
I said "James, Sir...James Barnes...But uh, but everyone calls me Bucky."
He nodded and said "Alright. Well then, nice to meet ya, Bucky, I'm Joseph
Rogers. Your Daddy says you'll be just fine with mr. You ever worked on a farm
before?"
I shook my head and said "Honestly Sir, I haven't."
He chuckled and said "He also told me you have no clue how to do any sort of
farming...Am I right?"
I nodded and he said "Well don't get all nervous on me, Boy, I ain't gonna can
ya for not knowin' anything...But I do expect you to learn and do your job, or
I will."
I nodded and said "Yes Sir."
The rest of the ride was quiet. Then I saw a dusty old sign that announced we
were in Clifton, New York. Population 751.
Then he asked "So I heard you're 20 now."
I smiled and said "Yeah, I am...My birthday was on the 10th."
He smiled and said "Well happy late birthday! You excited to finally be a man,
Bucky?"
I nodded and asked "I thought I already was?"
He chuckled and said "Well ya are, but you'll be a better one workin' for
me...We should be there in a few minutes."
I nodded and a few minutes later, he pulled into a long driveway. He smiled and
said "Welcome to your new home, Son. Hope it's up to your likin'."
The farmhouse was big. Nothin' super fancy, but it was better lookin' than what
I have back in Brooklyn. It looked like a tiny castle. Then there were a couple
buildings of in the distance. There was a lot of land, and a lot of room to run
around.
He parked the truck, turned the car off, and said "Alright, come inside and
I'll get ya whatever you need. Then I'll have my son Steve come and he'll show
ya around." I nodded and followed him inside.
 
***** Chapter 2 *****
The inside of his house was nice. Nothin' we could ever afford. He told me to
take my shoes off and leave them by the door, or else his wife Sarah, would
tear my hide.
I followed him to his office and when he opened the door, there was a boy
sitting in there. He was sitting down and looking at his hands, when he looked
up. 
He looked around my age, maybe a year or two younger. He stood up and I could
see how frail he was. He couldn't weigh more than 100 pounds, hell, maybe he
was less than that. I could pick him up and throw him onto my shoulder, like
he's a sack'a potatoes. 
Then my eyes fixed on his face. His face was small and had delicate features,
like a beautiful Dames. He had short, messy blond hair, and his pale skin was
flawless...He was a good lookin' fella...And I don't mean that in any certain
way.
He smiled and Lord have mercy, he has a nice smile. He came over and I could
also see he has beautiful eyes. Beautiful baby blues, with some green in 'em.
He said "Hey Dad...This him?"
He nodded and said "Yep, fresh meats just arrived."
I looked over at Joseph and he just busted up laughing. He said "Oh don't worry
Son, I say that with the rest'a them. Don't take it personally. Steve, this is
Bucky. Bucky, this is my Boy, Steve."
I smiled and held my hand out for him. I said "Hi, nice to meet you."
He smiled again and mine just widened. I couldn't help it, his smile must drive
all the Dames wild. He shook it and said "You too."
Joseph grabbed me some extra clothes and some work shoes. He said "I know ya
got clothes with ya, but here's some extra ones...I think they'll for ya good.
Steve will show you everything you need to know and if ya need any help, just
get him or one of the others."
I nodded and said "Thank you Sir." And then we walked out. As soon as Steve
closed the door behind him, his smile dropped, and he actually now looked a
little scared. 
I could see how shy he got, hell, any smart person would. The way this kid
looks right now, he looks like a frightened puppy. Then he asked "So...You're
uh, you're the new guy my Dad hired, huh?"
I nodded and so did he. He said "Alright....C'mon, I'll show ya the ropes."
I grabbed my shoes from the door and put them back on, all while he waited for
me. After I got them back on, I followed him through a wheat field. He asked
"How long you been farmin'?"
I said "Actually um...I don't know the first thing about farmin'."
He stopped and I nearly ran into him. He turned and looked back at me, looking
confused. He asked "And he still hired you?"
I nodded and said "Yeah...He said I didn't have to know nothin', as long as I
worked and learned while I was here.."
He raised an eyebrow and said "Huh...Okay, no problem."
I smiled and then I looked at his eyes again. The sun was up towards it's daily
peak, and God...The light made them look even better. He smiled and then
squinted from the light. He said "C'mon, I'll introduce you to everyone."
 
===============================================================================
 
He took me into one of the buildings and yelled "HEY GUYS, FRESH MEATS HERE!" 
He looked back at me and smiled, as if He wasn't shy at all. He said "Again,
don't take it personal." And then gave a little wink.
That made me smile, and suddenly, there we four people coming towards us. Three
guys and a girl. One guy was tan, had messy dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a
goatee. He smiled and said "Heyyyy, new guy! What's up man?! I'm Brock."
He shook my hand and I smileed. "Hey."
The second guy, was also tan, but not that much. He had short dirty blond hair,
and blue eyes. He smiled and said "Hey, I'm Clint."
I shook his hand and said "Bucky."
The third guy was black. I don't have any problem with a persons skin color, I
just care about if someone's an asshole or not. He had brown eyes, and short
hair. He smiled and said "What's up man? I'm Sam."
I smiler and shook his hand. "Hi. I'm Bucky."
He asked "Must be weird shakin' a black mans hand, huh?"
I shook my head and said "No, not at all...Nothin' different than shakin'
anyone else's hand." I know at this point of time, race is apparently a huge
deal. Don't know why, we're all the same, we just come in different shapes,
sizes, and even colors. Shouldn't be such a big deal.
He smiled and said "Alright, cool."
Then I looked at the girl. God, she's beautiful. Thank God, I thought I'd be
stuck with just a bunch of guys. Might get a little awkward. 
She somewhat tan. She had red hair, green eyes, and a nice body from what I
could see from her clothes. Usually girls wear dresses, but not her. She wore
pants and a shirt, just like us...Only made to fit her better. 
She smiled and said "Hi. I'm Natasha."
I gave her a little of the ol' Bucky Barnes charm, shook her hand and said
"Hi...What's a pretty gal like you, workin' at a dump like this?"
She chuckled and asked "What, a girl can't work on a farm? Should I just be
inside cooking or sewing?"
Suddenly I felt someone gently jab their elbow into my side, and I looked over
and saw it was Clint. He leaned over and whispered "You might not wanna play
that card, man...She'll kick your ass, trust me...She did that to Brock when
she first came here."
I nodded and then looked back at her. I smiled and said "Oh no, no, I didn't
mean anything like that...I just hate to see a gal work a s job like this."
She smiled and said "I don't mind...It's nice." 
"Does it get awkward bein' around these guys?"
She shook her head and said "No, never...Like Clint said, I made myself right
at home...Sometimes I do a better job than these guys...I've earned my place
among them."
Yeah, Natasha is definitely a gal I shouldn't mess with. At least I got a
warning, and not sitting with a broken nose or something and regretting my
decision.
 
***** Chapter 3 *****
After I met them all, Steve showed me where I'd be sleeping. He said "Dad and I
got this place build, so y'all could sleep here...I know it's not much, but
Dad's always said we gotta earn our comforts...So this is what you guys got."
It looked like just a bunch of horse stables, minus the horses. The walls were
all tin, high walls with separation for privacy. There were name plates on
every stall, and he lead me to an empty one.
He said "I'll get your name put here later...But you can have this one."
At least there were doors. Be a little awkward to get caught trying to change
or bathe, or worse. The doors were actually normal wood ones. When he opened
the door, he let me go in first. 
The room was small, but not too small. There was a cot with a couple pillows,
and a couple blankets. The floor was covered in hay. He said "As far as the
bathroom situation, you can use the bathrooms in the house, everyone does, and
you could either take a shower there too, or take a bath in this.."
He pointed over at a big tin tub and said "This is your bathtub, now if you
want a hot bath, we have a thing you could use in the barn over there to boil
water, just start a fire, boil the water, and you carry it back here...Just be
careful...And as for washing clothes, you can use the same thing, and we got a
clothes line set up behind here."
I nodded and I looked up at him. He swallowed and I saw the nervousness come
back. He chewed on his bottom lip and said "I'm sorry if this ain't the best
living conditions...My Dad's always been a tough guy, says this would give ya
thick skin, and get tough...I just wish you wouldn't be stuck out here,
'specially during the winter.."
I nodded and said "No, don't worry about it...This is plent for me, thank you."
I smiled, but he still looked worried. I chuckled and said "Honestly Steve,
thank you...I appreciate your concern, it's very kind....Thank you."
That's when he smiled, even if it was just a little one. Then it grew to a
bigger one and he said "Okay...Oh, I almost forgot, I still gotta show you
everything!"
 
===============================================================================
 
A few hours later, I got taught nearly everything there was that need to be
taught. Feeding the livestock, harvesting, plowing, cleaning, workin' all the
machines, Damn...How can anyone remember all this shit?
After all that, he stopped and said "Well...I think I've gotten everythin'
covered...No one expects you to remember all this, I forget it
sometimes...C'mon, let's get some food, I'm starving."
 
===============================================================================
 
"We eat supper at 6:30, bed times at 8. We all get up at 4, and don't stop
until we go to sleep at night. We all eat in the house, my Ma loves havin' us
in for supper....Treats everyone besides me ad Dad, like family...Oh and we
also all go to church together on Sunday's. We go to morning and evening
service, and go on Wednesdays too."
I nodded and he said "Sunday's are our days off...I dunno if you're a big
church person, but I'd you're gonna be workin' for us, you night have to change
that...Mainly for my parents sake, not mine."
I nodded again and asked "You a big fan of the big guy up there?"
He shrugged and said "I dunno...I guess? Maybe? Never really thought about it
much...I just know I gotta go with them, always have.."
I nodded and smiled. "That's you're own thing, man. Don't worry 'bout me...I've
never really felt like I was his type."
He chuckled and said "Eh, don't worry 'bout it...Maybe he has a
friend......Wait."
We both laughed and I said "It's your life man, I was just askin'...I won't
tell if you won't."
He nodded and smiled. "Okay."
***** Chapter 4 *****
Still_March_15th,_1937
 
Dear Diary,
 
Dinner with everyone was nice. We all talked about whatever, and laughed about
whatever. Everyone's nice. Natasha kinda scares me, but she's nice. Steve is
really nice. He seems like a good guy. Although I don't think he really likes
farming.
While he was teaching me everything, he went on about how he really liked
reading and drawing. I haven't seen any of his books or whatever he's drawn,
but I kinda wanna, for some reason.
And no, I don't have no sappy little crush on him. That shit causes big
trouble, and like I always been told, boys are supposed to like girls....And
the only girl I could possibly like here, could probably break my face. 
I don't know what it is about Steve. He's just a nice guy. His Ma keeps eggin'
him on about how he needs to find him a girl, get married, and settle down. His
Dad said that he doesn't care what girl he marries, as long has he gets the
farm when they die.
Both subjects I could see, made him a little uncomfortable. Natasha said she'd
date Steve, but I think all the guys, even Mister Rogers, are scared of her.
Clint isn't really, him and Natasha are friends...Although I'm kinda hopin'
Barton would grow a pair, and they end up together. They look like a good
match.
But I'm sure there's a pretty Dame out there for him. Maybe there's a girl here
in town that likes him. But I don't think Steve wants to even be a farmer. He
said he was born in Brooklyn and lived the for a couple years, before they
moved out here.
It's a shame, really...
Maybe him and I coulda been friends. I don't know how many he has, but I would
definitely like to be one of them. 
And hell, if he's just too shy to talk to any girls, I could show him the
ropes. I've had some girls here and there, but they never really meant nothin'
to me. I kinda feel bad for not bein' the man they were all hopin' for, but I
wanna have some fun before o ever wanna settle down.
Find a girl, marry her, have a house full of rugrats, that whole white picket
fence thing, maybe...Maybe even get a dog. Name him Steve.
I smiled and laughed a little at the idea, and then yawned. 
Guess I aughtta got to bed now. Got a big day ahead of me. Goodnight.
Signed,
Tired and now wants a dog named Steve.
I sighed and closed the book, and put it under my pillow. I put the pencil down
under the bed so I wouldn't break it, and laid down. I pulled the thin blankets
over me and closed my eyes, before falling asleep.
 
===============================================================================
 
It should be illegal for anyone to have to get up at 4 o'clock in the
morning...I was expectin' a Rooster to wake is up, but no. I got three loud
bangs on my door, with Brock telling me "RISE AN SHINE BUCKY BOY!"
I groaned and said "Alright, give me a couple minutes!" And got up. I pulled on
a shirt and some pants, I buttoned up my shirt and pulled the suspenders up,
before pulling my shoes on. I combed my messy hair and looked at the little
mirror I had in the room, before walking out.
Everyone else was standing there talking, and then they snickered. I saw Steve
there, and he didn't laugh. He just smiled. Clint asked "Ya with us, fresh
meat?"
I groaned and nodded. Natasha said "Good. Cause we got work to do."
 
===============================================================================
 
I seriously hate this job already. Feeding the animals was fine, that was just
fine, minus getting sass from a horse and a cow. But my job right now, it
fuckin' stinks. Literally.
Right now, Natasha and I were scoopin' shit from the stables. I had a bandana
covering my nose, but she didn't.
She looked at me and chuckled. "Don't worry. You get used to the smell after
awhile."
I said "I dunno 'bout that...I'm surprised I haven't barfed yet...This stuff
stinks."
"It's horse shit, what were you expecting?"
I said "I dunno...Roses...Petunia's maybe."
She just laughed and said "Well right now, all I'm smellin' on you, are
Pansies. You'll live."
I nodded and chucked the shit on my shovel, into the wheelbarrow. I said "Ya
know for a girl, you're kinda mean." 
She just smiled and said "I'm just kidding, Bucky...What kinda name is Bucky,
anyways?"
I said "It's a nickname. I've had it since I was a little kid. My names
James...James Buchanan Barnes...Buchanan's where the Bucky comes from."
She nodded and said "Ohhhh okay...I think I'll just call you Barnes."
I nodded and said "It don't matter to me...Just don't call me a Pansy again."
She smiled and said "Okay...You likin' everything so far?"
I nodded and said "Yeah, it's alright...It's just gonna take some getting used
to, is all." 
 
***** Chapter 5 *****
I looked over and noticed Steve talking to Clint while they were shovelling up
hay. I looked back over at Natasha and asked "How well do you know Steve?"
She looked up and asked "For almost 4 years, why?"
I shrugged and said "Just curious...Seems like a nice kid."
She nodded and smiled. "Yeah, he is. He's 17, he's a huge book and art nerd.
His mom gets him tons of books and art stuff for his birthday, and Christmas,
and he loves them all. He's read them all thousands of times. His dad isn't a
huge fan of him reading any books, besides The Bible. Thinks it'll corrupt his
mind."
I nodded and asked "Yet, he still let's him keep them?"
She nodded and said "Yeah...Only cause it makes Steve really happy. Not sure
what his favorite book is though...I've known him this long, but I have no idea
what his favorite book is...We don't talk much...He kinda keeps to himself."
I nodded and she said "But he's very sweet. We all like him, but he's just
really shy around anyone. He's never had many friends in town. No girl really
notices him or likes him, except for me. But I like him as a friend, or a lite
brother...Plus in case you haven't noticed, I can be a little intimidating."
I couldn't agree more.
I nodded and asked "So he doesn't have a girlfriend at all? Never gone on any
dates, never had any friends before?"
She said "Like I said...He keeps to himself...Why are you so interested?"
I said "No reason. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't workin' for some Punk who
thinks he owns the place."
She smiled and said "Well he's the exact opposite...I'll tell ya that."
 
===============================================================================
 
March_16th,_1937
 
Dear Diary,
 
After my talk with Natasha, I felt oddly happy. Now that I know Steve isn't
some jerk off, I could probably try and be friends with him.
I could find out more about what he likes...Maybe if I had enough money, I
could probably get him a book he really wants...Or maybe try to get into
whatever he likes.
I never really thought of books much as a kid. I only saw books as boring,
because of school. But I never really knew anyone who actually liked to read in
their free time. I could probably ask Steve how he does it.
We all took a little break, and now I'm sitting ovwr by a tree, spending my
break , writing in this stupid thing. I said I wouldn't wrtmite every day, and
I still won't...Maybe every once in awhile.
I was suddenly snapped out of my thoughts when I heard someone ask "What are
you doing?"
I jumped and looked over to see Steve standing up against the tree. He actually
giggled and said "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you...Just wondered why you
were all the way over here, by yourself."
After recovering from my heart attack, I said "Oh no, it's okay...You just
"bout scared the shit outta me...Jesus, don't scare a guy like that."
He smiled and said "I'm sorry...You want me to go?" 
I shook my head and said "No, no. Stay, if uh...If you want."
His smile grew and he said "Okay." 
He sat down a little ways from my and asked "Whatcha writing?"
I closed the book and said "Nothin' uh...It's uh, it's personal."
He nodded and said "Oh. Okay, sorry. Didn't mean to invade your privacy."
I smiled and said "Don't worry 'bout it...God, how can you do this shit every
day? It's nuts!"
He chuckled and said "Yeah, I know...But hell, look at me! I'm too small for
this stuff! I'm surprised I haven't killed myself doin' this stuff!"
I smiled and asked "How much do you even weigh? You're so tiny, I could throw
you around like a ragdoll."
He chuckled and said "Last time I got check at the doctors, I was.....95
pounds, I think."
Both my eyebrows shot up and I went "Wow...You are tiny."
He nodded and I quickly said "But it's not bad though! It looks nice on you...I
just never met a guy so skinny before."
He smiled and said "Well, uh...I used to get sick a lot...Still do...I have a
ton of stuff goin' on with me. Lot's of health stuff....What can ya do?"
I nodded and said "I'm sorry...Must be hard, huh?"
He nodded and said "Yeah...Asthmas the main one...Gotta be really careful
around here...Anything can trigger an attack."
What is Asthma again, exactly? Sorry, I don't have a great memory?" 
He smiled and said "Well it's this condition that can make it really hard to
breathe. And an Asthma attack can come from an allergic reaction or other
stuff...Pollens a big thing for me, and this place is crawling with it. It's
everywhere."
I nodded and asked "So you parents thought it would be good to bring you here
where that can happen?" 
He smiled and said "Well, I haven't had an attack in years, thankfully...Don't
know how, but I'm careful...Plus I got this thing that helps make it easier
when I need it."
Then he pulled out this little tube thing and said "There's medicine in it...It
tastes awful, but it helps...I'd probably die without it. I just bring the the
bottom up to my mouth, squeeze this thing at the top, and that's how I get the
stuff inside it."
I nodded and said "Wow...How often do you have to use it?"
He said "Not much...But I take a dose every morning and night, mainly...And
even one during the middle of the day, if I think I need it. And when I run
out, my parents just get more. I don't ever have to worry about it."
I nodded and he smiled. "No ones ever asked me about my health problems,
before, besides my parents...It's kinda nice."
I smiled and said "I just get curious sometimes...And it just sucks that you
gotta deal with that stuff."
He nodded and said "It's hard sometimes...But God or whoever, made me this way,
so...I just gotta take it one day at a time."
I nodded and smiled. He did to and he smiled. He said "You're pretty nice,
Bucky...I'm glad to have you around...Don't have many friends...That is if you
wanted to be mine."
I nodded and said "I'd like to...You're nice too, Stevie."
He smiled a little at the nickname and said "C'mon, we gotta get back."
 
***** Chapter 6 *****
When we went to eat at the house, it was a little awkward. I sat next to Steve,
and we were talking, and his Ma brought up his birthday.
He just sighed and said "Ma, it's March...My birthday isn't until July, that's
4 and half months away."
She said "Oh I know sweetheart, but still...Oh I'm so happy, my little man's
gonna be 18! Oh I'm so proud of you, baby."
He smiled and said "Thanks Ma."
I smiled and asked "What do you guys usually do for his birthday?"
She said "Oh, I make him a cake, and a month or so before, all of them chip in
and get him a birthday present, and we get him presents. It's nothing too
exciting, but as long as we're here for him, that's all that matters to me."
I nodded and said "I think Natasha told me he likes to read."
Natasha smiled a little and Steve looked over at me. I smiled and said "I just
asked her a couple things, and she said you likes reading. Do you?"
He smiled big and said "Oh yes, I love to read...Louisa May Alcott, Jane
Austen, Alexandre Dumas, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Oscar
Wilde, Frederick Douglass, Homer, I love to read."
I smiled and thought to myself maybe one day, I could get him a book by one of
those people. Steve is the second most passionate reader I've ever met, besides
my Ma...Except her favorite book is The Bible.
Then his dad said "Don't encourage him now, Bucky...Once you get him started,
he'll keep us up here all night."
Steve rolled his eyes and said "I would not. Have I ever done that?"
He said "No."
Steve chuckled and said "Okay then." And gently stabbed at his food.
Sarah said "Oh come now Joseph, quit bein' so mean to him...If he likes to read
books, let him read. You always give him a hard time about it, just leave him
be, honey."
Joseph said "Well he shouldn't be reading those damn things in the first
place...They're just trash, the only book he needs to bury his face into, is
the only book anyone should ever need to read. That teaches you a lot more and
does a lot more good, than that trash he reads."
Steve said "Well I'm sorry, if I'd like to expand my mind a little bit, if
that's alright with you...And they're just books, what harm can they do?"
He looked over at me and mouthed 'I'm sorry.'
I nodded and said 'it's okay.' 
Then Joseph laughed and asked "Expand your mind? What's there to expand, we
don't need to expand our minds. We live to serve God, and we must read his word
every day-"
Steve stood up a little in his seat and asked "How the Hell do you even know if
what's written in there is true, Dad?! Talking Snakes, humans turning into
piles of salt, hell I even read a damn thing about Unicorns in there! Now to
me, that doesn't seem logically possible, Dad!"
The whole table went dead quiet. I looked up at Steve, and then over at Joseph,
who's jaw was practically down to the table. Then Steve looked like he just
realized what he said, and slowly sat back down. Then he swallowed and uttered
out the smallest "I'm sorry."
Then Joseph took a deep breath and said "Get out. All of ya, get out. Go to
bed, we'll see you tomorrow." 
Everyone got up and went out, but I stayed. I looked at him and asked "Steve,
you gonna be alright?"
He nodded and said "Yeah, Bucky...I'm fine, just go."
I started to say "But-"
He just looked at me, with tears in his eyes and he quietly said "Please...Just
go. I'll see you tomorrow." I  nodded and then left. Even though I wanted to
stay.
***** Chapter 7 *****
I didn't write in my journal last night. But if I did, I'd be saying a few
choice words about Joseph. He shouldn't be so hard on him, the poor kid just
liked to read...And just happens to like reading stuff that's not The Bible.
It took me awhile to fall asleep. I spent awhile just tossing and turning,
worrying what happened after I left. And in the morning when I got up, I had my
answer.
I didn't see Steve when we were all together. But after feeding the Pigs,
that's when I saw him. He was quickly walking by, trying not to look at me. 
But I looked at him and said "Steve! Hey, Steve!"
He went into the barn, and I followed. I quickly followed him and saw him go up
the latter to the loft. 
I said "Steve?"
When he got up he just said "Go away, Bucky."
But I didn't listen. I just went up the latter, and saw him sitting against the
far corner. He didn't look at me, but said "I said go away."
I kept moving towards him and I said "No."
He turned his face towards me and said "Just leave me alone!"
That's when I could see bruises. He had a bruise around his eye, a cut on his
eyebrow, a small bruise blooming on his cheek, a cut on his lip. And he looked
like he had been crying all night. That's when his eyes went wide, and he
muttered "Shit!"
He looked away and I asked "Steve...What did he do to you?"
I could see him now trying not to cry. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and
wrapped his arms around them. A tear went down his cheek and he said "He tore
them up...My books, he tore almost all of them up...He said he only let me have
them cause he knew I loved them, but if I was gonna disgrace and doubt God like
that, then I didn't deserve them anymore..."
He stopped and wiped the tear away, but then another one fell. He said "He
trashed them all, Bucky...Do you know how long it took Ma and everyone else to
get me those books? How much money it cost? And he just trashed them, tore them
all the shit, my birthday and Christmas presents...Like they didn't even
matter...I tried to stop him, but he hit me, and then threw a book at my
face...Ma got so upset with him, she won't let him sleep in the same room with
her...Cause she worked hard to get all those for me.."
He didn't fight it this time, and just started sobbing. I went over to him and
gently reached out to rub his upper back with my hand.
He said "There's only three books I got left...And I hid them where he couldn't
find them...But I had over fifty books, and now I only have three left! It'll
take me years to get all those books again, and I do t have enough money to get
them all!"
I said "Shhh hey...Hey, it's okay...We'll figure somethin' out, Buddy."
He asked "Like what? What plan do you got, Bucky?"
I said "I don't know yet, Stevie...But we'll figure somethin' out, okay? Don't
cry...Do you need a hug?"
He nodded and said "Y-Yeah."
I scooted close to him and then wrapped an arm around him. I hugged him close
and said "It'll be okay...Just don't cry, I don't like seein' you cry...I don't
like it at all...Okay?"
He nodded and said "Okay." And rested his head on my shoulder. He wiped his
tears away and I smiled.
I said "I got you Stevie, I got you."
He smiled and looked up at me. "Thank you."
I smiled and said "No problem."
We were still smiling and I couldn't stop starin' at his eyes. They were so
beautiful. He just smiled bigger and nuzzled his head against my shoulder. 
He said "You have beautiful eyes...God, they're almost Grey."
I smiled and said "Thank you...Yours are better...You got Blue and Green in
yours...But I don't like them all red like that, from cryin'."
He nodded and his smile went down a little. I hugged him tight again and said
"I'm sorry 'bout what happened...He shouldn't have done that...That ain't
right."
He nodded and said "Yeah...C'mon, we gotta go."
 
===============================================================================
 
 March_17th,_1937
 
Dear Diary,
 
I hate him. I hate him so much. He shouldn't have done that to Steve! Those
were his! He may not have bought them himself, but those were meant for him! 
How could someone do that to their own kid?! The hell is wrong with people?!
That ain't right!
I saw Joseph today while we were working, and he just pretended like nothing
happened. Like he didn't tear his kids books up, socked him in the face, and
threw a book at him. He was just all smiles.
Jerk_off.
I'm glad he didn't come too close, I probably would've kicked his ass. But I
need this job and if I lose it, Ma and Dad would kill me. So I just gotta keep
my cool, and don't lose it.
I feel so bad for Stevie. He watched his dad destroy one of the things he loves
most. I'm just hoping Joseph doesn't fins out about the books he kept hidden. 
It's official, I'm gonna buy him some books. I don't know how much they'd cost,
but I'm gonna get him some new books when I can. I don't like seeing him
sad...Even if I've known him for three days. He's a sweet little guy. He
shouldn't have been treated like that.
Joseph_Rogers_can_kiss_my_ass.
 
Signed,
 
Pissed off, tired, and wants to give Steve Rogers another hug.
 
 
***** Chapter 8 *****
March_28th,_1937
 
Dear Diary,
 
It's been two weeks since I started working here. Since then, I've ate here,
slept here, worked here, and made friends here. 
Ever since the incident with Steve and his dad, him and I have gotten closer.
We've talked more, worked more together, laugh together, it's been really
great. 
He's hardly said a word to his dad, unless he had to. He said he usually sits
by his parents when they got to church, but the two weeks I've gone with them,
he's sat and stood right by me. Hell, even his Ma's hardly talked to him. 
I asked Steve if he could remember the names of all the books he had. He said
he couldn't forget them even if he wanted to. He also made a joke of saying I
could give him the title of the book and it's author, and he could probably
recite every letter of every word, of every sentence of them all by heart.
He's even gonna let me borrow one of the books he hid, that his Dad didn't
destroy. A book called Macbeth by William Shakespeare. He said it's a play, and
it might be confusing at first, but he could help dumb it down for me.
I said he didn't have to do that, but he said he wouldn't mind. Or, to help me
get through it faster, he could write down a simpler version of it for me.
He said he'd work quickly to descript the first and second Act, then give me
the book. I'm actually pretty excited to read it, he said it's a good read. And
he wouldn't recommend me a book if he didn't think it was good.
He said he'll get it to me as soon as he can, and he can't wait to talk about
it with me, when no one is around. And honestly, I'm really excited myself.
Over a book. Who knew, huh?
 
Signed,
 
A schmuck ready to be a secret bookworm.
 
===============================================================================
 
The next day, while I was washing one of the horses, Steve came over to help.
He then looked around to make sure no one was around, and came over to me. 
He whispered "I got it. I put it and the notes under you mattress."
I raised an eyebrow and asked "You were in my room thing?"
He smiled and said "Well, don't blame me, you never lock the door. You might
wanna start doin' that, sometimes we like to pull pranks on new people."
"I don't have a key."
Then he said "Aww man...Forgot to give you a damn key, what the hell?! Don't
worry, I'll get one. But not yet...So you're washing Peggy?" Pointing to the
horse that hates me.
I asked "Peggy? You named this thing Peggy?"
He smiled and said "Yeah...She was born on this farm, and the minute I first
laid eyes on here, I just thought 'Peggy' and she's been with us ever since...I
helped raise her, break her, I'm her best friend."
He gently pet the side of her neck with the back of his hand. Hia smile grew
and he placed a gentle kiss between her eyes. He said "Don't know what I'd do
without her.....She pretty much hates everyone else."
I snorted and said "Yeah, I got that...But yet...She let's me wash her."
He shrugged and said "I guess she's not picky about who feeds her or washes
her, but she won't work with anyone else but me. I've taken care of her her
whole life, I'm her favorite person....But I've never seen her just let someone
else wash her, I do that, and I always feed her...Maybe she likes you."
I chuckled and said "Well, she must have a funny way of showin' it."
He smiled and said "Here, lemme help you. Save you the trouble."
I nodded we started washing her together in silence. Then I quietly said "I'm
really excited to start reading...I'll start tonight, if I can. If not, wait
till Sunday, so I have more time."
He smiled and said "Well, I'm glad. It's honestly a good story, really."
I smiled and said "I trust you."
He smiled and I Sai's "I just wish we didn't have to be so hush hush 'bout me
reading a damn book...Almost feels lime we're Soviet spies."
He chuckled and said "Yeah, I know...Well how about this. When you're done with
Acts one and two, write me a letter before giving the book back. I'll take it
back read it, and then do notes for the rest. How's that sound?" 
I smiled and said "Okay, now we're really spies. But yeah, that sounds
good...I'll start tonight."
His smile grew and he said "Great! I can't wait!" And we went back to taking
care of the apparently neglected Queen horse.
 
***** Chapter 9 *****
March_31st,_1937
 
Dear Steve,
 
I think without your notes, I might be pretty confused right now. But even with
them, I still am. I dunno, I think I'm just not used to plays. But I want to
keep reading, and I will. I really wanna see what happens.
Those Witch ladies seem pretty cool. Macbeth, kinda sounds like a jerk
off...But I guess I just haven't gotten used to it, yet. But I'll keep going,
it's interesting so far. 
I really wish I could've been there to stop him from destroying your
books...But like I said, we'll get something figured out. 
I like talking to you, you're so nice, and so smart...I feel like I kinda don't
deserve that. Your friendship. But I'm really happy to be your friend, don't
ever doubt that. Everyone needs a friend. Even if it's just only one. I got
your back, Pal.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, you come to me. You can trust me with
anything. And I'd never snitch on you. 
Thank you for being so kind to me these past two weeks, I don't think I could
thank you enough. I know everyone else has been nice to me and I got new
friends with them too, but you're different. You're a good different, and I
gotta good feelin' 'bout you, Stevie.
 
-Bucky
 
===============================================================================
 
After I finished Act Two, I asked Steve how I could give the book back without
him getting caught. The book was pretty thin, so he said he could just hide the
book, and the letter somewhere on him. I kept the notes so I could read it
again if I wanted to. 
One night when I was sleeping, I felt something shaking me. It made me jump,
and that's when a hand clamped over my mouth. I opened my eyes and looked up to
see Steve standing over me.
He had his finger to his lips and he whispered "I'm sorry."
I asked "What are you doing here? How'd you get in?"
He gave me a look and said "You're thing is still unlocked."
I nodded and he said "And I couldn't sleep...Usually if I can't sleep, I just
walk around before going back to the house...You wanna coke with?"
I nodded and said "Yeah, sure."
He smiled and we quietly snuck out and walked over to the barn. When we got
there, we carefully climbed up to the loft, ans sat down next to each other.
He smiled and asked "You really meant everything you said? In your letter?"
I smiled and said "Yeah, of course... I wouldn't write it if I didn't mean it."
His smile grew and he messed with his hair. I've noticed he does that a lot,
like it's a nervous or something.
I smiled and said "That's really distracting, ya know."
He stopped and asked "What is?"
I chuckled and started imitating him, combing my fingers through my hair. He
chuckled and said "Sorry, I can't help it sometimes...I didn't think you
noticed that..."
I smiled and said "Well it's pretty hard to miss, you do it all the time."
He said "Well, you lick your lips all the time."
I scrunched my eyebrows together and said "No I don't."
He smiled big and said "Yes you do! You just don't know you're doing it...Just
like what I do."
I nodded and asked "Okay...Okay then, show me. Imitate me."
His smiled faltered a little, but he nodded and swallowed. "O-Okay."
Then my eyes went towards his lips as the tip of his tongue poked out and he
licked his lips one way, and then a different one. It was kinda hard to
describe what it looked like, but it jusr looks so oddly.........Sexy.
Then he bit his bottom lip and said "That's um..That's how you do it...At least
I think so.."
I nodded and smiled. He said "Sorry, um...I just notice things like that with
some people."
I nodded and smiled. "No big deal, don't worry about it...Nothin' wrong with
that."
He looked a little relieved and smiled. God, I can't get over his smile. I
think mine is alright, but I like his. Nothin' wrong with likin' someones
smile, right? But maybe watching a guy licking his lips and thinking it looks
sexy, is probably a whole new ballgame. Especially, when you yourself are a
guy.
But still, what could it hurt?
***** Chapter 10 *****
He said "I like being friends with you...It's nice."
I smiled and said "I do to...Natasha told me you just keep to yourself.."
He nodded and said "Yeah..I always kinda been that way...Never really had
friends, girls don't like me....They'd go after someone like you."
I said "But you're a nice guy, Steve...Girls must go crazy over you."
He shook his head and said "No, they don't...They don't run to me, they run
away. I can hardly talk to any girl, except Ma and Natasha. Cause who would
wanna marry a scrawny chump like me?"
I quickly said "I would."
He quickly looked over at me and I then said "If uh...If I were a girl."
He nodded and said "Girls like strong, charming, strappin' guys like you...They
just do....Whether they're nice or not."
I sighed and he smiled. "Almost wish Peggy was a real Gal, and not a
horse...She'd probably be the only one who would."
We chuckled and I said "Well then she'd be a sassy little thing, I'll tell you
that much...Then her and Natasha would be great friends."
He nodded and I said "Well don't give up, Pal...You'll find someone."
He smiled and said "Thank you."
I smiled and said "And hey, if it takes you awhile to find a girl, then at
least you've kissed one before, right?"
That's when I saw he wasn't smiling. But his eyes went wide. I raised an
eyebrow and asked "You have kissed a girl, right? At lest once?"
He swallowed and shook his head. He said "I've never kissed anyone, before..." 
Both my eyebrows went up and I asked "You're kidding, right?"
He shook his head and asked "Does it look like im kidding?"
I couldn't believe it. Him? Really? 
I just shook mt head and tried to say something, but nothing would come out. I
just asked "You've never kissed anyone?"
He nodded and said "Yeah, don't act so surprised...Who'd kiss me?"
I just smiled and said "I would."
He chuckled and said "Yeah right. Real funny."
I just looked at him and asked "Does it look like I'm joking?"
Then he got serious and whsipered "Bucky, we can't do that! It's wrong!"
I shrugged and asked "Says who?"
He said "Oh I dunno, maybe God?? The Bible, maybe??"
I said "Last time I heard, you didn't really believe in either."
He swallowed and said "But...It's wrong...It's illegal, we could get in big
trouble!"
I said "Stevie, I just wanna help you know how to kiss someone...That's all,
that's not that bad, is it?" 
He said "N-No, but-"
I said "You don't have to tell anyone who your first kiss was...Just if anyone
asks in the future, just say it was a girl named Peggy, and that's it. They'll
be none the wiser....It wouldn't be a crime if I just kissed you once, right?"
He just sat there for a minute and then shrugged. I said "Just relax,
Buddy...It'll be just between us. I swear. I just wanna help a friend out.
Okay?"
He nodded and said "O-Okay."
I smiled and said "Okay...Now um...C'mere." He scooted closer, until our knees
were touching. I scratched the back of my neck and said "Alright um...It's been
awhile since I done this, but um...But I'll help any way I can."
He nodded and I said "Lean in."
He leaned in and so did I. He was so close, I could almost see every pore on
his face. And his eyelashes looked so long from here.
The only light in the barn, was from the light of the moon. It shined thought
the window beside us. I was worried about someone seeing us, but we were high
enough, and the window was too high for anyone to see. 
The moonlight wasn't shining on us, but it sure did something with his eyes.
God, any light makes his eyes look amazing. 
He nustbe realized I was staring, and he gently nudged my knee with his. I
snapped out of it and he smiled. I said "Sorry." 
He said "It's okay...What now?"
I said "Well um...Just...Lean in more." If that was even possible, we were
already so close. 
When he did, I said "I'll do that rest."
He nodded and said "God, I can't breathe."
I asked "You okay? You want me to-"
"I'm fine, Buck... Just kiss me before I change my mind, dammit."
I smiled and said "Okay." 
I moved in until my forehead touched his, and next were our noses. I don't
think Steve is the only one who can't breathe. I've never been scared to kiss
any girl before. Maybe it's cause he'll be the first guy.
I could try to imagine him as one of the girls I've kissed, maybe that could
help...But it's funny...I feel like I shouldn't...More like I don't want to.
Come on Barnes, man up! You're just gonna kiss a boy, what's the big deal? Just
take the pretty, delicate, face in your hands, and just do it! Lay one on 'em!
I slowly brought my hand up and gently cupped the back of his neck, before
bringing the other up to cup his cheek. The barn was dead silent, except the
sounds of our shaky breathing. I swallowed and finally closed the gap, and my
lips were on his.
 
***** Chapter 11 *****
I'm kissing a boy. Holy shit. It doesn't really feel any different than kissing
a girl. Besides the obvious. 
I could practically feel him shaking. And his lips were a little too puckered.
I pulled back a little and smiled. I said "You're lips are too tight...They
don't gotta be like that." 
I moved my thumb until it was on his bottom lip. I said "Just loosen 'em up, I
gotcha."
He nodded and I gently pulled his bottom lip down. His eyes never left my face
when I did that. Then I took my thumb off, and his lips were kept slightly
parted.
I nodded and said "Just like that, stay right like that."
He nodded and I went back in. This was better. But Steve sat frozen. I pulled
back again and whispered "It's okay...You wanna stop?"
He shook his head and said "No. I'm okay."
I nodded and then I was surprised when he kissed me this time. But I just
smiled and started kissing him back. After a couple minutes, he reached up and
rested his hand on the side of my face.
We pulled away for a split second to breathe, before he yanked me back in. I
smiled against his lips and then he pulled all the way back.
We sat there panting and I asked "What?"
He swallowed and I asked "Steve, what's wrong?" 
He said "Sorry, um...I-I'm sorry, I have to go, I have to get back.."
He stood up and I did the same. I asked "Steve, did I do something wrong?"
He said "No um, no you didn't...I just gotta get back, I'll see you tomorrow.."
That's when he stopped and quickly turned and grabbed my face in his hands,
before yanking me down and kissed me.
I quickly kissed back and he pulled back again. He smiled and said "Thank
you...Goodnight."
I said "No problem..Goodnight" and then he left. I stood there for a couple
minutes and then went back to bed, confused as hell.
 
===============================================================================
 
April_1st,_1937
 
Dear Diary,
 
I kissed Steve last night. But I went to bed happy to have helped him, yet
really confused. He got in a hurry to leave like I did something wrong, but
then kissed me and said thank you, before he left. 
I dunno whether to be happy, or worried. 
Signed,
Really fuckin' confused.
 
===============================================================================
 
Jesus Christ, it's fucking hot out here! I'm sweating my ass off trying to work
one of the plows with Clint. But finally, it was lunch time. 
We went down to the house and the minute I walked into that house, the cool air
made me wanna collapse. We pulled our shoes off and sat down with them to eat.
We ate in silence for the most part, and Steve hardly looked at me. Okay, now I
was worried. Cause of my dumbass, I could've fucked our whole friendship up.
Steve's face was almost completely healed up. I just hope he doesn't get hurt
again, or I might knock his dad on his ass.
After we finished, we got to take a little break. Everyone else was hanging
out, except Steve and I. And right now, I was by myself, in my space. 
I was lying on my bed thinking, when there was a knock at the door. I said
"Yeah?" The door opened, and Steve was standing there.
I sat up and said "Hey."
He said "Hi...Can we talk a minute?"
I nodded and said "Yeah, c'min."
He nodded and closed the door behind him. I sighed and said "Look Steve, I-"
He cut me off by saying "Kiss me." 
I raised an eyebrow and asked "Come again?" 
He said "Kiss me. Now."
I asked "May I ask why?"
He said "Last night...I-I felt bad for wimpin' out...I just...I never felt
anything like that before, but I need you to kiss me again...Cause after I
left, I was feelin' something else...Don't know what, though."
I nodded and he turned the lock on the door. These sleeping arrangements they
built are odd, but at least everyone could get some damn privacy. 
Then he came over, and sat down next to me on the bed. We looked down at the
floor for a second, before we looked up at each other. 
Before I could say or do anything, he grabbed my face in his hands, pulled me
in, and kissed me.
Despite his force, the kiss was gentle. He pulled back a just a little to look
at me, before I went and kissed him back. I kissed him the same way, and he
smiled. 
We pulled back and just looked at each other, and he said "You're licking your
lips again."
I smiled and said "Can't help it...Guess I'm too distracted to notice."
He smiled and I shook my head. Without thinking, I just blurted out "God,
you're beautiful."
His smile faded and then he looked at me, almost surprised. I suddenly wanted
to kick my own ass for potentially making things awkward. But I meant what I
said, even if I didn't mean to say it.
But then a huge grin spread across his face and he asked "You mean that?"
I nodded and said "Of course." 
He smiled and then asked "You sure you ain't lyin' since it's April Fools Day?"
I shook my head and said "No. I wouldn't do that."
He nodded and I smiled. I crooked my finger at him and said "C'mere beautiful."
He smiled and leaned in before we kissed again. This is definitely passed
trying to teach him how to kiss. Although I haven't shown him all the basics,
this ain't just helpin' a friend out. I really wanted to kiss him. And I'm
kinda hopin' he wants the same.
 
***** Chapter 12 *****
We sat there for a few minutes kissing, and it felt really good. Probably
better than any Dame I've ever kissed or was with. 
I tried to pull him closer if it were possible, but the way we sat made it too
awkward. 
I really wanted to see how he'd react if I started kissing his neck, but I
didn't wanna push it. Not unless that's what he wanted. 
After what felt like forever, he pulled away, and we could breathe. We sat
there panting, and just looking at each other. His lips were a different color
than what that they were when he came in. 
And as for his eyes, they looked like they got darker, and his pupils were a
little bit bigger. He swallowed and leaned in for another kiss. This one was
slow, and so soft I hardly felt it. 
Then he pulled back, and smiled. Wait...Was he blushing too? I smiled and he
asked "What?"
I said "You're blushing...It looks so cute!"
He playfully smacked me in the arm and said "Shut up, I'm not blushing." 
I just smiled and said "You are! I'm not kidding, you are! You look so cute!"
He smiled and said "Stop it."
I said "Hey now, it looks good on you."
I reached out and gently cupped his chin in my hand. I ran my thumb along his
kiss bruised lips, and said "You still look beautiful."
He smiled and we went in for another kiss, before pulling away again. He smiled
and said "I should go...We still got work to do."
I nodded and he said "Oh um...I responded to your letter." That's when he
started dogged in his pockets, before he pulled out a folded piece of paper. 
He handed it to me and said "Here." I took it and he smiled. "See ya, Bucky."
Before walking out.
 
===============================================================================
 
March_31st,_1937
 
Dear Bucky, 
 
I'm glad I could help you with the story. And yeah plays are kinda confusing
for lots of people, they're hard to keep up with sometimes. And I'm happy that
you still wanna read it, despite being confused. And I won't spoil anything but
lemme just tell you, things are gonna get a little crazy.
And I enjoy the Witches, but I know Dad wouldn't...All the more reason to tear
the last of them up. And Macbeth is a General, some of them would be. But not
all of them.
Please don't blame yourself, it was my fault. If I didn't say all that, I'd
still have my books. It's my fault, not yours. But thank you for your concern.
And I'm sure you deserve any kind of friend, as long as they're not bad people.
You're too nice to be around the wrong sort.
I like talking to you as well, you're the only guy who's really made an effort
to be my friend, despite who I am. I know the other guys here have, but I just
don't feel right being among them. They're grown men, I'm just a kid. If
anything, I don't deserve your friendship. 
I feel like I could trust you with anything. And trust isn't an easy thing to
have these days. And I'd do the same for you. I'd keep any secret you have,
unless you killed someone...Unless I had a deep amount of trust with you, I'd
have to tell someone.
I find you a good different, as well. Honestly when I first met you, I thought
you'd be one of the jerks I deal with all the time in this town. But you're not
that at all. You're very sweet, and I like that about you. I have a good
feeling about you as well. 
Write my any time you want, I'll be here. Thank you.
-Steve
 
***** Chapter 13 *****
April_10th,_1937
 
Dear Diary,
 
It's been 9 days since we first kissed. And every day since, we've done that.
But at the moment, they've been just quick pecks. Sometimes I worry I'm scaring
him off, but it's mainly because we've all been so busy since then, we barely
have time for it.
I finished Macbeth, finally! Steve was right, everything went fuckin' nuts! But
it was a good story. And I still have the notes, so I could read it again as
much as I'd like. The next book he's promised to me, is also by Shakespeare.
It's called Romeo & Juliet. 
All he's told me about it so far, was it was about a guy and a girl in Italy,
they're families hate each other, but they fall in love. I joked with him about
if he was into that sappy lovey dovey stuff, but he knew I was just playin'.
Plus he said it would be like Macbeth, with shit hittin' the fan. So now I'm
really eager to read it.
He asked me if I think I would still need notes for it, and although I wanted
to try it without notes, I told him yes. Because some of the phrasing and the
dialogue in this stuff, don't make much sense sometimes. And I'm not the
sharpest knife in the drawer.
But he told me it was okay, because this shit would be confusing for anyone. He
doesn't make fun of me for it, he just understands. And that makes me feel
better, cause I really think I'm fuckin' stupid as hell.
I really hope I'm not scaring him away, with what we've been doin'...I don't
wanna lose him as a friend. At first I agreed to kiss him because I wanted to
help them, cause friends help each other out. But now, I just wanna kiss him to
kiss him...Like I wanna make him the only thing that matters.
But if that were to happen, we'd be screwed beyond screwed if we ever got
caught. In some places, if not everywhere, this shit we're doin' could get us
killed. And I don't wanna get him killed. He doesn't deserve it. 
But if we were really careful about it, maybe things could be different for
us...Cause ever since the first time, I've felt different. After that I started
seein' him different, and I still do. Maybe this could must be a phase, and we
both get over it. As sad as that sounds, maybe that could be what this is, and
what we are 
I'm just hopin' it's not.
 
Signed,
 
A schmuck with a crush.
 
===============================================================================
 
"Are you gonna cooperate with me today, Your Highness?" I asked Peggy, while I
went to help Steve feed the horses.
She whinnied and huffed, she then moved her head and almost smacked me in the
face with it. I rolled my eyes and whispered "I swear to God, one day...One
day, horse, just you wait."
That's when I heard Steve ask "Are you threatening my horse?"
I almost jumped outta my skin when I heard him so close behind me. I quickly
turned around and he started laughing. 
I sighed and said "Jesus Steve, ya gotta stop doin' that....Wear a damn bell or
something, Damn.."
His giggle fit soon died down, and he said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare
you...I was just wondering if I had to break you guys up from a possible fist
fight."
I chuckled and said "No, we were just having a nice chat, weren't we Peg?"
She huffed and he smiled and shook his head. He said "Well, before I almost
gave you a heart attack, I was wondering if you and I could possibly have a
moment alone...Unless you and Peggy here have plans to Bare Knuckle Box?"
I nodded and said "Oh no we don't um...Okay, What's up?"
He looked around to see if anyone was around, before grabbed me by my shirt and
yanking me away from Peggy. Her stable was the last one on the left side of the
wall, so we'd be safe...But since there are two doors to get into the barn,
anyone could just walk in. 
But he just dragged me to the area under the loft, and next thing I know, I'm
on the floor. He quickly got down and kept me right on my back, before leaning
down and slamming his lips to mine. It almost hurt.
I quickly responded and we spent a few minutes quickly kissing and putting our
hands anywhere we could on each other...Well, minus the more private places.
Then he stopped and smiled. He stood up and said "Sorry...I just kinda wanted
to do that."
I laid there still in shock and said "No problem.." I went to stand uo, but he
helped me up. We fixed our clothes and our hair and we went back over to Peggy.
He then smiled and whispered "Meet me up there, tonight. After everyone's
asleep...I wanna talk to you." Gesturing up to the loft.
I nodded and said "Okay." Then he smiled again and we went back to work. I
looked over at Peggy, pointed a finger at her and said "You didn't see
nothin'."
 
===============================================================================
 
 Still_April_10th,_1937
 
Dear Diary,
 
Steve wants me to meet him up in the loft tonight. I wonder what's gonna
happen. Maybe I'll get the book tonight.
Maybe he'll be tellin' me that we're starting to take this thing too far.
That's what I'm afraid of. But then he wouldn't have attacked me like that
earlier, if that were the case.
Maybe he just wants to talk. He always looks like he could talk about anything
with anyone. We already ate our supper, so it looks like the time is tickin'
down....
SHIT!
I forgot to ask what time he'd want me to come! I don't wanna keep him waiting
too long!! 
Christ, NICE GOIN' BARNES!! BRILLIANT!
 
Signed,
 
I'm a moron.
***** Chapter 14 *****
An hour or so after everyone went to sleep, I decided it was time to go then.
Just in case Steve went early. When I got there, I went up the ladder and saw
he was sitting there.
He looked at me and smiled. I said "Hey...Sorry, I forgot to ask what time I
should come...I didn't keep you too long, did I?"
He smiled and said "Nah, I've only been here for a few minutes. You got nothing
to worry about."
I nodded and then sat right next to him. I sighed and looked out to the other
side of the barn. I felt him scoot closer to me, and I smiled. 
He said "Sorry about attackin' ya earlier...Just figured we needed it."
I chuckled and said "I don't blame you...So, what did you wanna talk about?" 
He smiled and said "I got the book...And I got you covered for the first two
Acts." He picked up a book next to him and handed it to me. 
I smiled and he said "...And I wanted to talk about what we've been doing
lately." Here it comes.
I closed my eyes and waited to get dumped, but he said "These past almost two
weeks, have been rather...Different...And I never thought I'd ever end up doing
what we've been doing.."
I sighed and said "Steve, I'm-"
"I really like you."
I opened my eyes and looked over at him, and he just smiled. He said "I know
you we're probably thinking I was gonna get shot down like me getting shot down
by girls, but that's not the case here."
I nodded and he continued. He said "To be honest, I kinda liked you the minute
I saw you...Dunno why, you just felt different. And after that night, I
just...I dunno how to describe it, but after I wimped out, I went back so
confused. Hell I could hardly sleep, my head was just goin' nuts cause of it.
And I'm obviously not used to this stuff.."
I felt a huge amount of relief hit me like a punch to the face, and he said
"But...I don't wanna quit what we got goin' whatever this is...Is it risky what
we're doin'? Absolutely. Could everything go to shit if anyone were to find
out? Probably so. But I've never felt like this about anyone before...I don't
think this a crush, I've had crushes before...But as you could imagine, they
didn't work out too well."
I could suddenly imagine him trying to ask out a pretty Gal he liked. How
nervous he probably was. Then getting laughed at by her, or kindly shot
down...Pisses me off. Girls are so worried about how a fell looks, they don't
know how much of them are pricks.
Maybe they'd be rethinking their decision while they could bet getting beaten
by the guy, and think 'Maybe I shoulda said yes to that sweet lil guy when I
had the chance.'
I just smiled and said "Well those broads don't know what they're missin'." And
winked at him. 
He smiled and I said "Well I like you too, Stevie...Think I'm gettin' all soft
for ya."
His smile grew and he asked "Really?"
I nodded and said "You got more goin' for ya than you think, Stevie... Anyone
who doesn't see it, it's their loss. Who need 'em? But I'm real happy that I'm
doin' this with you...Never thought I'd be mackin' with a fella like you,
but...I really like you too. And don't ever doubt that, otherwise I wouldn't
have said it."
He nodded and I said "If none of them could make you happy, hell, I'd like to
make you happy."
He nodded and said "I actually hate living here, ya know? I mean I do enjoy the
peace and quiet when I have free time, but I hate working at this place...And
my dad wants me to run this place when he's gone, but...I just feel like I'm
meant for more."
I nodded and said "I think you are too. It's your life, do whatever you want
with it. You're almost 18, Steve...You got your whole life waiting for you. Do
what you want." 
He smiled and said "Thank you, Buck...I'm happy I have you."
I smiled and said "And I'm happy I have you." I reached my hand out and cupped
his cheek. I brushed my thumb along his skin, and he looked so at peace. 
He leaned into the touch and I leaned in to kiss him. It was gentle. It was my
message to him, proving that I wasn't going anywhere. Not unless he wanted me
to leave.
He smiled against my mouth and kissed me back. He pulled back the slightest bit
and said "You're lips are so distracting, you know that?"
I smiled and he kissed me this time. "And they're so soft...Even though you
lick them all the time."
I chuckled and said "Well I have my ways." 
He smiled and said "You should share them with me." 
I chuckled and asked "I thought I already was?"
His smile grew and he said "Are you?" I could feel him pulling me closer. He
leaned back in and his lips were pressed against mine, but we weren't kissing.
Ohhhh he should not be playing that game with me.
I smiled and said "Well come back here, and we'll see, Dollface."
 
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