Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/13759338. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: M/M Fandom: 방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS Relationship: Jeon_Jungkook/Min_Yoongi_|_Suga, Jeon_Jungkook/Kim_Youngwoon_|_Kangin Character: Jeon_Jungkook, Min_Yoongi_|_Suga, Kim_Youngwoon_|_Kangin, Jung_Hoseok_| J-Hope, Kim_Namjoon_|_RM, Kim_Seokjin_|_Jin, Park_Jimin_(BTS), Kim Taehyung_|_V Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff, Inspired_by_Real_Events, Explicit_Language, Explicit_Sexual Content, Emotional/Psychological_Abuse, Depression, Panic_Attacks, Drug Use, Lowercase, More_tags_will_be_added_later, Past_Rape/Non-con Stats: Published: 2018-02-21 Updated: 2018-02-28 Chapters: 4/? Words: 2635 ****** Damaged Beyond Repair ****** by Yuki_Kookie Summary don't let jungkook's smile fool you. ***** Chapter 1 ***** Chapter Notes hi loves <3 this story is extremely important to me, this story is based on my life. real things i've experienced, real situations, real thoughts, real pain. jungkook is written as me, as my point of view. this... this is me. i'm revealing the most vulnerable side of me to you guys, i really hope you'll like it <3 (btw i already started another work after this one is over LMFAO i'm spoiling you guys) See the end of the chapter for more notes jungkook was never a regular person. he always felt different, special... like there was a reason for him to be born to this dark, dark world. jungkook was always mature for his age, maybe too mature for his age. jungkook had a lot of dreams, but he was very much realistic. jungkook had impulsive anger building up inside of him, but he also knew how to restrain himself. jungkook had a sharp sense of humor, but he was extremely serious at the same time. jungkook hated fights and confrontation, but he always stood up for himself. jungkook had a lot of friends, but he never trusted anyone in his life. jungkook loved to get high and drunk, but he always had a good head on his shoulders. jungkook smiled and laughed a lot and he knew everything about life at a very young age - but he never knew what happiness was. jungkook saw too much.   jungkook was born to a nice family of good people, all loving and caring who gave him everything he needed, spoiled him rotten. he didn't have a lot of friends growing up, moving from japan to south korea at the age of five really fucked up his language. he got bullied a lot, maybe everyone knew he was different.  he remembers like it was yesterday when in second grade, two kids from his class threw his backpack out the window. and the teacher didn't do anything. jungkook believes that at that exact time he learned not to trust anyone, that no one would help him but himself. or maybe it was when he found out that his father, the man who raised him, wasn't his biological father. and his brother who he grew up with, wasn't his biological brother. he still didn't have much friends in fifth grade, but he had one best friend and that's all he needed. he hated going to her house, her lawyer neighbor always stared at him weirdly.  but maybe he was just imaging it, since his friend did say that everyone should be careful of him - that he hurt young boys before. jungkook tried not to think about too much. there was an alley outside his friend's house, a shortcut to his house. it was dark and it was past his bedtime, but since he was at his friend's house, his mother allowed him to come back a little late. jungkook doesn't really remember anything from that night.  or maybe his brain doesn't want to remember. all he felt was hands grabbing his and locking them behind his back and a hand over his mouth. he remembers the neighbor's blue eyes and he remembers the pain. he remembers waking up and staring at the sky, it was early in the morning, the neighborhood was still asleep. he remembers the sharp pain and the smell of grass, he remembers seeing himself all dressed up, with blood all over his pants. jungkook doesn't remember how fast he ran to his house, too numb to feel anything, too numb to cry. jungkook taught himself how to wash his own clothes so his mother will never find out. the birth of his little sister couldn't come in a worse time. jungkook found out that he has anger issues when he broke his class mate's back and sent her to the hospital. jungkook started smoking when he was eleven, and he met his group of friends at the age of twelve. two group of friends. his best friend yoongi, and the rest of the good kids he met at middle school. and the grown ups, who he learned how to drink with, how to kiss with, how to get high with. jungkook was smart, but he kept too much inside. with drugs and alcohol, there was nothing to think about. his parents were worried, but he couldn't care less. he just wanted out. he just needed to breathe. jungkook was smart, but school wasn't for him. not now. it was a mistake to introduce yoongi and his school friends to his older friends. yoongi saw the worst side of jungkook, when he was drunk out of his ass, when he was high out of his ass. only yoongi knew about jungkook's demons. only yoongi knew about what happened to jungkook that night a few years ago. only yoongi knew why, why jungkook was this fucked up. jungkook only told yoongi about the nights he would blow three different guys in the club, he he would get fingered by older men inside a public restroom. yoongi would hear about the fights he had with his parents, about how he would run away to sleep at the older men's places, getting drunk, high, getting fucked. yoongi loved jungkook dearly, he was his best friend. but he knew he could never save him from himself. when jungkook would come high to high school, he was kicked out for good and his parents didn't know what to do with him. yoongi didn't know what to do with him, either. he didn't know how things can get worse than this. be they did. the night jungkook met youngwoon everything has changed - and yoongi felt helpless. hopeless. Chapter End Notes there will be no daily updates, i will post whenever i have the time which won't be a lot ;-; I LOVE YOU GUYS I REALLY HOPE YOU'LL LIKE THIS ONE UGH. (btw dw not all chapters will be styled like this with no dialogues, this is just the introduction) ***** Chapter 2 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes jungkook was only fifteen when he met youngwoon, youngwoon was twenty three. jungkook never believed in relationships, he always knew love wasn't real and that his only worth was his body even at such a young age. jungkook knew that attraction and love were only chemicals inside his brain. but the second he laid his eyes on youngwoon, he knew it was more than that.  it wasn't just love, it wasn't just attraction, it was an obsession.  from both sides. they fell fast, they fell deep. jungkook's friends - hoseok, jimin and taehyung all loved youngwoon, he was funny, charming and he treated the cold, serious jungkook the way he deserved. yoongi didn't like youngwoon. he didn't understand what a twenty three year old had in common with a fifteen year old. jungkook already stopped with cocaine a long time ago, he didn't need it when he was with youngwoon. youngwoon introduced him to marijuana, rock music and making love instead of just plain sex. jungkook felt safe in youngwoon's muscular, tattooed arms.   jungkook introduced his friends - yoongi, namjoon and seokjin to youngwoon. youngwoon and namjoon hit it off pretty quickly, inhaling out of a bong together, their way of bonding. seokjin and youngwoon had a lot in common, wouldn't stop talking all night long. yoongi stayed quiet the entire evening. jungkook nudged yoongi's side with his elbow, "what do you think about him?" yoongi shrugged, "i used to think he's too old for you, but he acts like a teenager himself" jungkook furrowed his eyebrows, "you don't like him" "hey, i didn't say that" "you don't need to say it for me to understand. you know your opinion matters to me the most..." yoongi placed his hand on jungkook's shoulder and looked at him, "if he makes you happy, that's all that matters" jungkook's features softened and he showed a small smile, "he does make me happy"   -   jungkook whined quietly, legs over youngwoon's shoulders and body bent in half. they were alone in the house, but jungkook always felt self conscious. the bed was cracking from the force of the older's thrusts, cock dragging against jungkook's sensitive walls. jungkook tried to ignore the pain of the stretching, he was used to it - he didn't know anything else. youngwoon was sweating violently, the room was dark and the background music was loud. youngwoon fastened his thrusts, gripping at jungkook's thighs, and the younger threw his head back. jungkook opened his eyes when he felt youngwoon's letting go of his legs, only to be dropped on the bed. the older grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the bed, jungkook's heart started to race. "youngwoon..." the grip got tighter, and jungkook started to feel uncomfortable. "youngwoon, let go..." youngwoon smirked and looked into jungkook's eyes, rolling his hips deep, hard. jungkook wasn't in the mood anymore. he didn't like to lose control. he never lost control. "i said, let go" "no" jungkook felt stressed, body tightening, the sensation of youngwoon inside of him was more painful than pleasurable.  "let me fucking go!"     jungkook found himself lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling and shaking. he didn't know when the lights turned on, he didn't even notice he was crying until he heard apologies in his ear. he ignored youngwoon's begging and pushed him away from him, dressing himself quickly. youngwoon gently circled his arms around the boy and hugged him from behind, "i'm sorry"  jungkook was still shaking, he closed his eyes and cried loudly, leaning back against the older's embrace.   -   "did you tell him about...?" jungkook gulped and nodded. "and he still did that to you?" yoongi studied jungkook's face. "relax," jungkook rolled his eyes, "it's my fault, i should've told him my boundaries" "how is that your fault? any decent human being would realize that you should not try to dominant someone who went through rape-" "yoongi. i'm fine. it's fine. we're fine. i panicked because i don't like not being in control, he would never hurt me"   not physically, no. Chapter End Notes tomorrow I'll have time to post another chapter but after that the next one will be only next week I can't promise daily updates but what I can promise is weekly updates love you guys ♡ ***** Chapter 3 ***** jungkook hated youngwoon's friends. jungkook always thought youngwoon was different than them. they were all childish, jobless, always high or drunk with no brains inside their heads. jungkook didn't understand what youngwoon found in them. they were also the reason they started fighting.   "it's not fair, jungkook. it's not fair that i need to sit with your friends and you can't sit with mine" jungkook turned around to face the taller and crossed his arms, "first of all, i never forced you to do anything, you don't have to hang out with my friends. second of all, why do you need to take me with you? we can hang out separately, it's not a big deal" "i want to be with you and with my friends, give them a chance" "they don't seem to like me very much" jungkook heard them talking about him, about how he was too young for youngwoon. "it's because you don't seem to like them very much, either"  "i don't." youngwoon sighed and circled his arms around jungkook's body, pressing their bodies together, "i know you don't, but give them a chance. for me?" jungkook grunted and pouted while youngwoon smiled in satisfaction and planted a kiss on top of the younger's lips.   -   jungkook hated youngwoon's friends. jungkook hated this. he didn't know anyone, he didn't feel like he belonged there. even youngwoon was ignoring him. he knew it, he fucking knew it was a bad idea. "hey" jungkook gasped and turned around quickly. the man behind him laughed quietly, "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to scare you. you're youngwoon's new... boy, right?" it sent shivers down jungkook's spine.  "i'm youngwoon's boyfriend, yes" he corrected. "right... i'm park jungsoo, nice to meet you" the older smiled and shook jungkook's hand in his. jungkook smiled shyly, finally someone noticed him.   jungsoo didn't let jungkook feel alone not even for a second.  something jungkook wished youngwoon did instead of a complete stranger. they were talking and laughing and drinking all night long, while youngwoon was busy with his friends. never once acknowledging jungkook's existence.  jungkook never forgives and never forgets.  jungsoo had his camera with him, taking pictures of everyone around. "come take a picture with me" jungsoo asked, smile wide. jungkook bit his bottom lip and nodded, sitting next to jungsoo on the bench. "hm, it's dark where you sit, we can move-" "i can sit on you" jungkook shrugged and got up. he wanted, no - he needed to get youngwoon's attention somehow. jungsoo blinked in surprise, he quickly turned his head towards youngwoon direction, the latter was busy. "o-okay" so jungkook sat on the older's lap, smiling brightly to the camera. his breath was caught in his throat when he felt a hand gripping his arm, "we're going home."   -   "are you mad?" youngwoon closed the door of his room, back facing jungkook. "am i mad?" the older chuckled darkly and turned around, eyes cold, "what the fuck was that?" "you ignored me the entire night" "that gives you the right to fucking hump my friend?" "i didn't hump him, we took a picture together" "tell me you love me" jungkook was taken aback. he never said that to anyone, not even his mother. he doesn't believe in love, he never did. "what's gotten into you?" "i love you, tell me that you love me too" "you know i can't." "if you ever fucking cheat on me, jungkook-" "and if you ever fucking ignore me like that again, youngwoon-" jungkook knew how to threaten back. he wasn't scared of fucking anyone.  youngwoon's shoulders dropped, "it was a bad idea, wasn't it?" "i told you, but you didn't listen to me" youngwoon never listened to jungkook.   -   "i feel like i'm losing you" jungkook could hear yoongi's pout from the other line. jungkook smiled sadly, "i know, i'm sorry. it's just that this is my first relationship, i want-" "i know, i know. i'm just scared i'm going to lose you for good" "you're my best friend. you'll never going to lose me, yoongi" and oh boy, was he wrong. ***** Chapter 4 ***** jungkook's parents got divorced when he was fifteen. they used to be the perfect family until that happened, until his mother decided to leave his father. another father figure had left him - jungkook believes that this was the cause of all of his problems. well, most of them. every man in his life had disappointed him. at fifteen jungkook was already addicted to cocaine and a cock in his mouth. he couldn't sleep unless he was drunk. when he met youngwoon, it all changed - he became better. he started to work at a store and studied at night, he switched from cocaine to marijuana and random guys at a bar to youngwoon and only him.   jungkook's and youngwoon's relationship was all but sunshines and rainbows. they were so alike, but oh so different. "sungmin spent the night here"  jungkook shrugged, sitting on youngwoon's computer chair and scrolling through the web, "okay" "we slept in the same bed" jungkook turned around, "okay...?" "you don't care about that?" "he's your best friend, you wouldn't care if i slept on the same bed with yoongi, right?" "not with yoongi, no." jungkook turned back. "are you not jealous?" "did you two fuck? or did something sexual?" "no" "so no, i don't care" and he really didn't, not even if the two did fuck.   -   the first time jungkook said 'i love you' to youngwoon was when he broke up with the older the first time. it was becoming too much, jungkook wasn't made for relationships. he wasn't made for constant fights. "i love you, jungkook" he never saw youngwoon cry, but he definitely saw his eyes getting teary. "i love you, too" jungkook held back tears of his own - the words didn't feel real. be he did. he loved him.   -   jungkook did what he knew best - he got drunk. he got drunk with all his friends at taehyung's, trying to forget about his problems. trying to forget about youngwoon. yoongi tried to comfort him, but alcohol was his best friend at the moment. taehyung's older brother just broke up with his girlfriend too so jungkook saw this as an opportunity. jungkook did what he knew best - he let taehyung's older brother fuck him. it was terrible. jungkook believed that no one could touch him the way that youngwoon did, no one can excite him like this anymore. jungkook felt worthless, and yoongi stood there watching his best friend fall without trying to save him. no one could stop jungkook. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!