Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1982877.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Gabriel/Sam_Winchester, Gabriel/_Kali_(Supernatural)_mentioned, Gabriel/
      Meg_mentioned
  Character:
      Gabriel, Sam_Winchester, Dean_Winchester
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, First_Kiss, First_Crush, Frottage, Age_Difference, Ambiguous/
      Open_Ending, Alternate_Universe_-_Human
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-19 Words: 8764
****** Cruel Summer ******
by KateThorne
Summary
     Sam meets Gabriel when he's thirteen. Sam is taking swim practice and
     Gabriel works the front counter at the local YMCA and the two strike
     up a close friendship. Something that ignited in Sam when he was only
     a little more than a child simmers over the next two years, finally
     combusting on a familiar, well worn couch.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
1997
Sam met Gabriel when Sam was on the summer swim team at the YMCA and Gabriel,
in theory, worked there. Mostly, Sam watched Gabriel smoke cigarettes behind
the vending machines and flirt with the girl life guards. Sam couldn't stop
staring at him, though. He couldn't decide if found Gabriel grating or if he
wanted to be him.
Gabriel was good at talking, he had a quick wit and confidence that everyone
found charming.
But he also left his dirty socks all over the place and would steal your french
fries right from your plate.
But that first summer at the YMCA, Sam was thirteen and chubby and he didn't
get along with his teammates. They called him Smelly Sammy because of the way
his swim suit was. Dad and Dean couldn't go to the laundromat everyday and Sam
only had the one set.
A loud kid, Dirk, thought it'd be “helpful” to the rest of the team to wash
Sam's suit for him in the toilet. They cornered him in the locker room while
the coach was on a union break and suddenly Sam was naked and being laughed at
by all of them. Even the ones Sam thought of as friends.
Sam called Dirk a fat dick wad and got a black eye for it.
Gabriel was at the front counter, reading a magazine when Sam tried to slip out
unnoticed. He didn't want anyone to find the swimsuit in his bag or the bruise
on his face or the fact that his eyes were raw and red from when he cried, just
like the faggot baby they called him would.
“Whoa, hold up short stop.” Gabriel said, grabbing Sam's shoulder as he tried
to slip past. “Hold up. You got a real shiner there, kiddo.”
“Yeah, whatever,”
“Yeah, whatever.” Gabriel repeated with an eye roll for effect. “You run into
doors with your face or something?”
Sam looked up at him, and Gabriel raised a single eyebrow.
“Yeah.” Sam said with a glare. “Yeah, I did.”
“Ok, kiddo” Gabriel said. “You run into these doors in the locker room when all
the other kids were there but the coach was looking somewhere else?”
Sam wasn't a snitch. He didn't tattle that time he caught Dean smelling kind of
skunky sweet and loopy, grinning and high and stupid with it. Dean was his
brother and brothers didn't rat on each other. Sam didn't much care about Dirk
or the others. No brother's honor between them. Not even a childhood honor
among boys. Sam just knew that if he squealed, it would only get worse, so he
looked away from Gabriel, smelling like the green apples they kept in a bowl by
the check-in book and looking too closely. Closely enough for Sam to count all
the tiny black lines in his freckled golden eyes. It made Sam blush and he'd
had enough horror for one day, thanks.
He pulled his chin out from Gabriel's grip and took a step back.
“Doesn't matter.” Sam said finally.
“It does, though. I know you can't tell me. I think it sucks but you can't let
them think you told me. I get it. We can get even, if you want. I can help you
do that.”
Sam was about to ask, 'how,' had it forming on his lips before he swallowed it
back.
“Nothing happened.” he repeated. Gabriel sighed and looked over Sam's head.
“But if it did, I can take care of it myself.”
Gabriel laughed, slipping his hands into his pockets and grinning down at him.
Gabriel wasn't tall, about an inch or so over Sam but shorter than Dean and
much shorter than his Dad. But Gabriel seemed big. He was the kind of guy you
noticed for no real reason, even when that big mouth of his wasn't flapping
bullshit.
“You're a smart kid.” Gabriel said. “I like you.”
“I have to catch the bus.” Sam blurted. It sounded dumb to his own years, some
sort of shy reflex to run and hide when someone, when Gabriel with strawberry
blonde hair and blonde eyes to match stared down at him with a single brow
raised, like Sam was a particularly amusing puppy.
“I'm off. I'll drive you home.”
“I'm not supposed to get into cars with strangers.”
“Well, for starters, I'm Gabriel. Nice to meet you. I've got a name tag right
here.”
“I'm Sam. And that doesn't count.”
“Doesn't it?” Gabriel asked, lyrically, “Well, Sam, I was going to stop for
some burgers and fries and maybe a milkshake on my way home but...”
“Offering a kid milkshakes to get into your car is worse.”
Sam said, but a smile was already breaking out on his face. After a moment,
Gabriel glanced down at him, grinning as well.
***
The next day after practice, Dirk opened his locker to find that his clothes
had been replaced with a pretty pink dress and a box of tampons.
It hadn't been particularly hard for management to figure it out; Gabriel
worked the counter alone where all the keys were kept and he happened to be
missing from his post for ten conspicuous minutes during the boy's swim
practice. That and the fact that Gabriel was also suspected of breaking a
client's camera phone, putting maple seed in someone's gym shoes and pouring
spoiled yogurt into one of the trainer's protein smoothie.
“Short stop.” Gabriel said, standing outside of the YMCA when Sam got off from
practice. “I'm blowing jonestown. Want to come with?”
Sam looked at the bus, the one he'd have to share with princess Dirk and the
other boys, rowdy and loud and pushy, even when their ring leader was sullen
and humiliated. Sam felt a little bad for him; Dirk was fatter than Sam was,
and he had to wear his swim trunks and borrowed tee shirt which was much too
small, making his man-boobs the source of much pleasure for the rest of the
group.
Sam felt a little bad. But not nearly as bad as he should have.
Sam followed Gabriel to where his old, faded civic sat. It smelled like stale
fast food and a sort of teenage boy smell that reminded Sam a little of home.
Sam still wasn't due at his house for a few more hours, so Gabriel took him to
the movies and even bought Sam some of the expensive theater candy that Dean
always made them sneak in. Sam was pretty sure it tasted better this way.
He learned a lot of things about Gabriel in one single afternoon. The first was
that Gabriel was a terrible movie watcher; he fidgeted, he took Sam's candy
from his box, he told Sam all his opinions on Men in Black as the movie was
playing and even though Sam was sure that Gabriel wasn't paying attention, he
insisted on quoting the movie the entire way home.
Gabriel dropped Sam off at the bus stop. They'd argued about it for a little
while, Gabriel insisting on driving Sam all the way home. For all that Gabriel
reminded Sam of his brother; crass and loud and relentless as a puppy, Sam had
the distinct feeling that Gabriel wouldn't cave as easily as Dean did when Sam
turned on the puppy eyes.
But Sam didn't want Gabriel to see their house, with the broken steps on the
porch and the weeds poking out of the broken posts in the fence. Their
neighbors had dogs that they never cleaned up after, meaning their whole yard
smelled like dog shit and piss, especially when the summer got muggy like it
was now. Gabriel had a car all to himself and he went to college in the fall.
Dean had two jobs and still needed to share the car with their Dad. Gabriel
didn't need to see how Sam lived.
The next morning, Sam was halfway to the YMCA again when Gabriel met him
outside the gym, smoking a cigarette behind the vending machines.
“They didn't give you your job back...” Sam said slowly, crinkling his brow.
“Nope.” Gabriel said. “Wanna see Air Force One?”
“I've got practice.”
Gabriel shrugged as his teammates passed him to go in, laughing. It was a cruel
laugh that Sam heard in his head, even when he was home. It was a laugh that
always made the hairs on his neck rise and bile form in his throat. He hated
that laugh. He hated it more than anything.
“You could play hookey.” Gabriel offered. “And come see the movies with me.
What do you say, short stop?”
Dad would be furious if Sam skipped out on the swim practice he and Dean
shelled out hard earned cash for. Of course, Dad would be furious if he knew
that Sam got beaten up and didn't come back up swinging.
Sam would take “short stop” over “smelly Sammy” any day of the week.
Gabriel was just as poorly behaved during Harrison Ford's lines as he had been
during Will Smith's. There was still time between when the movie got out and
when Sam was supposed to be home from practice, so they got pizza and ate it at
the park, Gabriel sitting cross legged on top of the table and Sam sitting like
a civilized person on the bench.
Gabriel was talking. That was the nice thing about Gabriel, he was always
talking. The older teenager picked a pepperoni off of Sam's slice and kept
going on about Harrison Ford and how much of a bad ass he was. Sam wasn't
really listening. That was another nice thing about Gabriel; you didn't really
need to listen and he didn't get mad if he caught you.
“Gabriel,” Sam said, interrupting. Gabriel held his hand over his eyes, shading
them as he looked down at Sam on the bench. “Why are you hanging out with me?”
“Dunno. Low standards, I guess.”
“Don't you have a girlfriend or something?”
“Sometimes.” Gabriel said. He tossed his crust to some of the pigeons covertly
circling them then crossed his arms over his chest, “She's back home for the
summer. Same as me. But her home is farther away than mine. Her name's Kali.”
“Like the Hindi goddess?”
“Yep.”
“Does she live in India?”
“Michigan.”
“Oh.” Sam said stupidly. Gabriel acted like a child sometimes, so much so that
Sam found himself being the one having to exercise patience. Having to humor
him, indulging Gabriel with attention. But now he was very aware of Gabriel's
status as an adult. An adult with a girlfriend. An adult who had sex. “Is it
ever scary?” He asked softly.
Gabriel snorted, looking down at him. Sam didn't like being laughed at.
“Girls?” he asked. Sam hesitated before he shrugged and nodded. “Sometimes.
Kali used to intimidate me. She's a lot smarter than I am.”
“You're smart.”
“I'm a lot of things.” Gabriel conceded. “But she's smarter. I guess it is kind
of scary. Not more than anything else, though.”
“Girls are kissing boys at my school.” Sam said, “I have a class with a girl
and I've seen her kiss three different boys.”
“At the same time? Kinky.”
Sam furrowed his brow. “What?”
“Never mind.” Gabriel said. “So...What? Do you want to kiss her too?”
“I'm supposed to, right?” Gabriel looked at him then. It was an expression he
hadn't seen very often before. Just the once, when Gabriel made him look at
him, held his chin so that Gabriel could see the bruise by his eye.
“Don't you have a big brother to talk about girls with?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I could talk to Dean about wanting to kiss girls but I can't...
What if I don't want to kiss girls. I don't want to talk to Dean about...
not... kissing girls.”
“Oh.”
Gabriel didn't continue and Sam didn't know how to actually say what he wanted
to. He just knew that Dean lied a lot. About how much he liked girls. About how
much girls liked him. About how much money they had at the end of the month
when rent was due and about just how much their Dad drank. Dean loved Sam. Dean
wanted to look out for Sam. Sam could go to Dean for food or for clothes but
Sam knew better than to expect Dean to give him the truth.
And Sam didn't have any friends besides Gabriel.
“The boys at swim... They call me faggot, sometimes, when they hit me.”
Gabriel took a heavy breath.
“I know what that word means.”
“Then you know that they're using it wrong... right?” Gabriel asked. “You know
there isn't anything wrong with actually... being what it means.”
“Yeah, I know.” Sam said softly. “How do you know, though? I like movies and
stuff, where the guys kiss the girls.”
“Just because you don't want to kiss a girl right this second doesn't mean that
you won't ever want to kiss one.
“Oh.”
“Did you kiss girls when you were my age?”
“Nope. I wasn't as cool as I am now.”
“When did you first kiss a girl?”
“Really? Gabriel asked.
“Yeah, really.”
“My freshman year of college.” Gabriel said, bowing his head a little,
embarrassed, “She was drunk and she thought it would be funny to kiss so we
did.” He shrugged.
“Did she become your girlfriend?”
Gabriel laughed, “Not so much.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because she kissed two other boys and a girl that night. Ecstasy is one
Hell of a drug.” Gabriel sighed, “I didn't even learn her name until a the next
semester when we had a class together. Sometimes people kiss for lots of
reasons.”
“Why?”
“In her case, she was high. In my case? Guess I just wanted to see what the
fuss was about?” Sam looked at him expectantly and Gabriel sighed, “It was
fine. But that had more to do with having a girl pushed up against me than the
kissing itself. Kissing Kali was nice. Scary, because I was terrified I'd mess
it up, but nice none the less.”
There was a little bubble of something in Sam, something he would come to know
as familiar long before he knew what it was. He felt it for the first time as
Gabriel made a small little grin as he thought about Kali and kissing. Sam's
palms itched and his stomach dropped and he looked away so Gabriel wouldn't see
his reaction. Gabriel was being so nice to him; Sam didn't want to ruin it with
the surge of feelings he didn't understand. Dean called him a buzzkill when Sam
was being annoying. Sam didn’t want Gabriel to know he was a buzzkill.
They sat in silence for a minute as Gabriel checked his watch.
“Mkay, time to get you home.”
“I'll take the bus from here.”
“Sam, why?”
“Because.”
“Let me drive you, short stop. It'd be weird to just leave you alone at the
park.”
“Dean does it all the time.”
“No he doesn't. Don't lie to me, Sam. You're bad at it.”
“Just. Don't”
“Why?”
“Because.” Sam huffed a frustrated breath. “Because. It's not... it's not like
your house.”
“Oh.” Gabriel sighed, “Well, that's ok, Sam. I don't mind.”
“Yeah. It's ok for you because you get to choose not to mind. But I...” Sam was
tearing up, as dumb and humiliating as that was. “I don't get to choose like
you.”
“Hey.” Gabriel said softly. He put a hand on Sam's back, rubbing it. Sam
simultaneously wanted to lean into it and push it away for it's stupid,
patronizing pity. He hated that Gabriel was a grown up and he had to be a kid.
It wasn't fair. “Hey, Sam. Don't... don't do that.”
“Sorry. Sorry I'm being a baby.”
“No, kiddo. That's not it. Look.” Gabriel grabbed his chin, angled his head up
to look at him, making Sam feel the stupid tears run down his cheeks. He
couldn't look at Gabriel's eyes. They were whiskey brown and too intense, all
angly and pointy. So Sam looked at his mouth instead. “Where you came from
doesn't matter. It's where you're going. You got that, Sam?”
His breath smelled like pizza and warm soda. His lips were kind of small and
smooth and completely ordinary. That was the thing about Gabriel; if you looked
at him piece by piece he just looked ordinary. But then, if you saw it all at
once, those flickering eyes and that small mouth and the way his hair curled
weirdly around the back of his ear... it looked like more. Sam couldn't decide
if he wanted it or if he wanted to be it. Sam licked his own lips
unconsciously.
Gabriel released his chin suddenly, standing up and brushing the crumbs of his
pizza onto the ground.
 
They were later than Sam thought they'd be.
Dean was waiting on the porch.
“Stay in the car.” Sam said softly to Gabriel, reading his brother's stance.
Aggressive and furious and upfront about it, which meant Dad wasn't home
because Dean never let Dad on to when he should be mad at Sam. Dean was a good
brother and brothers didn't rat.
“That big bro?” Gabriel asked, “Yikes, short stop, you won't stay short
forever.”
“Please, stay in the car.”
“You. Out of the car.” Dean barked from the porch as he saw them. He pointed at
Gabriel through the front dash.
Dean recognized Sam through the window, straightened up from where he was
leaning on the porch rail, flicking one of Dad's 'secret' cigarettes into the
dirt lawn. Dean had been nervous. Sam felt a punch of guilt; he never had
wanted to make Dean feel scared.
“You don't have to.” Sam muttered, but Gabriel was already opening the car door
and unfolding himself to his full, relativity short height.
“The Hell are you doing, man?” Dean asked him frankly.
“Gabriel.” he said cooly, offering Dean his hand. Dean placed his rough, tanned
palm in Gabriel's, using the leverage to yank him off his feet and into Dean's
imposing space.
“Dean, leave him alone.”
“Sam, go inside.”
“No! Don't be a dick, Dean. He's my friend.”
“What's a grown ass man doing with thirteen year old friend?” Dean asked. “You
guys just have a lot in common? You weren't at practice today, Sam. You think
coach doesn't call in to check up on that? You're a kid. Adults are responsible
for where you are and this creep--”
“Dean!”
“Dean, is it?” Gabriel asked, jerking his hand back and smoothing his sleeves.
To Gabriel's credit, he didn't look nearly as nervous as most of the guys Dean
looked down on like that. “Well, Dean, I used to work at the YMCA. Sam and his
teammates weren't getting along so we mutually decided to go to the movies and
get pizza instead.”
Dean glanced over Gabriel's shoulder at Sam.
“You said you fell.”
“Why would he tell the truth about something like that?”
“Who did that to you?” Dean hissed, ignoring Gabriel altogether. “I'll rip
their lungs out.”
“Taken care of, thank you very much.”
“You kicked their ass?” Dean asked him doubtfully.
“No.” Gabriel said, barely resisting an eye roll, “ I drew attention to all his
insecurities and made him lose the respect of his friends and the earn the pity
of adults everywhere. Much more effective.”
Dean looked at Gabriel again, measuring him up. Gabriel tolerated it.
“Sammy, go in and get two beers for us.”
“Dean--”
“Just. Go.”
Sam sighed, tried not to pout at how Dean bossed him around in front of
Gabriel. It wasn't fair how much more normal it looked, Dean and Gabriel, both
full grown and adult looking, hanging out and drinking beers. Sam had always
hated Dean's friends; always acting so cool and older and laughing loudly,
acting like Sam either wasn't there or annoyingly underfoot.
Sam took three beers and waited for a moment behind the screen door, off to the
side where he could hear. Dean sat heavily on the top step of the porch, making
it groan under his weight and his Dad's old work boots when he thudded them out
in front. He heard Gabriel's smaller weight settle down next to him.
“So.”
“Look, man.” Gabriel started, “I'm not really one to apologize. But I guess I
see how it looks. It's not like that. He's just a kid that kept getting picked
on and it was shitty that no one seemed to notice and even shittier that he
wasn't asking anyone to. We've all been kids. We know what it's like and it's
stupid that no one did anything.”
“Sounds like you did something.” Dean allowed.
“Yeah. After the black eye. Should have done something sooner.”
“You quit?”
“Got fired. They figured it was me. Wasn't exactly my first strike. Like I
said, I don't apologize.”
“Well, if you took care of the bully, why was Sammy still not in practice?”
“C'mon, man. He hated it. Just because the loudest one got some wind out of his
sails doesn't meant the others are suddenly going to leave him alone. They
still laugh at him. You know what it's like.”
“Yeah.” Dean said flatly.
“Yeah.” Gabriel said. “But I bet you were the one who did the laughing. Not the
getting laughed at.”
“Maybe.” Dean said after a moment.
“Kids are kids and even the ones who get the shit kicked out of them grow up
into assholes. I just... felt bad for him. He kind of reminds me of... me. Just
nicer.”
“Yeah. He's the nice one.” Dean said, ruffling the back of his own head with a
sigh. “Ok, runt,” Dean said a little louder. “We're done talking about you. You
can stop pretending you weren't listening.”
“Don't be a jerk, Dean.” Sam said, walking right out with them.
“Don't be a little bitch.” Dean retorted without thinking. Sam settled into the
space between them. “Uh, Sam, your counting is off.” Dean said after Sam handed
him and Gabriel a beer and was left with one in his own hand.
Sam turned his head, so Gabriel couldn't see and raised his eyebrows pointedly
at his big brother. Dean sighed, giving in.
“Cheers.” Dean said, cracking his open. He could do it with one hand, like
their Dad and Bobby did on hunting weekends.
“Cheers.” He and Gabriel said opening their own.
“So, you don't have to go to swim anymore.” Dean said, nudging Sam with the
heel of his boot, “But we are not telling Dad, so you need to leave the house
at the same time you usually would. Go paint your nails or whatever.” Sam
punched his arm, his due diligence as a baby brother, “Until after he leaves.
Then you disappear around the time he comes home to change for his night shift
at the plant. Got it?”
“I'm not an idiot, Dean.”
“Idiots are never the ones who can recognize themselves as idiots.” Gabriel
happily supplied. Sam elbowed him in the ribs and the three of them chuckled.
Sam didn't drink much of his beer, just sort of held it in his hands. But he
was out there, with them as they sat like men, talking shit and drinking beers
as the sun set behind them.
1998
 
The summer heat was thick in Kansas, and the smell of fresh grass sliced over
Sam's nose as he headed down the dirt path connecting the duplexes where he and
his brother stayed and the tidy suburban lawns of the gated community a few
miles away.
The two were really only separated by a highway and a shopping center but they
both liked to pretend the other wasn't there.
Once Sam got onto the grass of the empty field he used as a shortcut, he kicked
off his rubber flip flops carried them in one hand, the other hand held a
second hand copy of Brave New World. The Novaks wouldn't mind if he hung around
with Gabriel in the basement. Dean was at work and had strictly forbidden Sam
from using the rattling air conditioner in the living room window upon penalty
of death.
Sam didn't mind. He liked the walk and Castiel and Gabriel always had name
brand sodas.
Gabriel lived in the basement on the summers he came home from college. How
Gabriel, with three bigger, older, brothers managed to carve out the prime
space for himself, Sam would never know. But he liked it. The washer and dryer
were down there, so it always smelled like laundry detergent and dust and that
odd, distinctively masculine corn chip smell.
Food at the Novak's house just... appeared. Not just from the coupons in the
Sunday paper Dean nicked from someone's front yard and not just on payday. Real
groceries. Fruits and vegetables and Sam was allowed to have as much as he
wanted. He had never before been able to have as much as he wanted. It was a
big, tidy house with two stories and four bedrooms, not including Gabriel's
downstairs. The Novaks themselves were plentiful and the house was never empty,
all were friendly enough. Mr. and Mrs. Novak were “important” and therefore not
around too often. Even though it was always clean and lemon fresh and noisy in
a kind of comforting way with all of them bounding off each other and moving
about, Sam always made a beeline for Gabriel's stale and corn chip smelling
basement. There was a fuzzy television set and not much else to do down there,
but Sam felt more at home in that basement than he did anywhere else.
And so, Sam would wait until ten minutes before John had to leave for his shift
at the mechanic shop, and climb over Dean, asleep in his bed under the window
making it look like he had gone to swim practice after all. Then, John would
leave, Sam and Dean would eat breakfast (pop tarts) and then Dean would leave
to go to work at the gas station. Sam watched TV for a few hours, or read a
book before heading across the clearing to Gabriel's house.
Gabriel, having just woken up by two in the afternoon, would act grumpy. He'd
let Sam in and let Sam pick the TV station before offering him a lunch of
Doritos and Gushers. It was truly astounding how little Gabriel could
accomplish in a day. He'd sleep on his bed in the corner of the basement for
about an hour before moving to the couch and laying down there. He nudged Sam
with his toe every time he wanted something.
“I lost the remote, short stop, go change the channel.” Gabriel would sigh,
lying in a wrinkled and ripe smelling hanes shirt. “Sam, get me some water.”
Gabriel would complain with one arm slung over his face “It's all the way
upstairs and I'm tired.”
Sam usually did. Partly because he didn't really mind and partly because
Gabriel's attention was somewhat intoxicating. Gabriel would tell rambling
stories and jokes with cheap punchlines and he needed absolute attention on
him. Sam had a sinking suspicion that Gabriel just really didn't like being
alone, but he liked it when Gabriel looked directly at him and talked directly
to him. Made him feel light and tight inside, like he was funny or especially
attention worthy. Who was Sam to complain that Gabriel only used him to fill
space when Sam loved to fill it so much?
If Sam sat on the couch, Gabriel would slowly elongate himself over the course
of an afternoon, stretching his toes to the opposite arm of the sofa, whether
Sam was sitting there or not. Gabriel never seemed to notice when his legs
brushed against Sam's, and so Sam followed his lead and pretended he didn't
notice either.
“Hey short stop,” Gabriel said one afternoon, during a Cosby rerun. Sam rolled
his eyes. The summer after he turned fourteen he grew a solid three and a half
inches, placing him right at Gabriel's height, with oversized hands and feet,
promising to grow larger still. Gabriel only stood on his toes to pat Sam's
head condescendingly now, the nickname and the patronizing nature didn't seem
to be likely of being outgrown as easily as his sneakers had. “So, ah, you
can't hang here tonight.”
“Ok.” It wasn't the first time Gabriel had gone out with his friends from high
school, or to bars with his new coworkers at the Fridays where he waited
tables.
“The thing is, I got a hot date.”
Sam pulled his attention from the television and onto Gabriel. The older boy
broke into a slow smile, clearly earning the reaction he was looking for. Sam's
throat felt dry.
“What about Kali?” Sam liked Kali. A girl he'd never met who lived in a state
far away from Gabriel's basement and the couch where the little hairs on
Gabriel's legs sometimes caught on the little hair on Sam's.
Gabriel shrugged. “We were on-again-off-again for the last part of the semester
and she thought that it might be a good idea if we dated other people over the
summer. Clear the palette, a little bit.”
“So, ah, this girl tonight. She's... clearing your palette?”
“Maybe.” Gabriel said, “We went to high school together. She want's to 'catch
up' but I'm hoping that that only means we're going to talk about mutual
friends for a night and then fuck in the backseat of my car.”
Sam wrinkled his nose at that and Gabriel laughed. That sort of smug big-
brother laugh he'd heard and hated his entire life. But Dean, for all his over
sharing of details, never said words so explicitly like that. Dean liked the
innuendo. The subtle implication of something sinful and dark and secret.
Gabriel said the words right out, putting extra bite in his lip on the
beginning of the 'fuck.' Sam looked back at the TV.
“Well, have fun, I guess.”
“You started high school didn't you?” Gabriel asked.
“Yeah.”
“Excited? High school girls...” Gabriel sighed, as though remembering a very
good meal.
“Sure.” Sam said with a shrug. “High school girls. It'll be fun.”
“I mean, they're starting to really, you know, grow up.” Gabriel gestured with
cupped hands in front of his chest in case that was too subtle for him, “It
gets interesting.”
“I bet.” Sam said flatly, still not looking over at Gabriel. Gabriel hated not
having Sam's full attention.
“Not a boob man, then? I can respect that.” Gabriel winked. “Well, the other
end fills out as well.”
“Great.”
“I mean,” Gabriel nudged Sam with his foot. Sam was holding back, not looking
at him, and they both knew it wasn't very fair of him. They both knew how
Gabriel was addicted to the attention. Sam turned, finally, because he was a
little bit addicted too. “Like, what are you jacking it to? If I were to look
under your mattress what kinds of magazines--”
“Gabriel!”
“What?” Gabriel took his feet back from where they had wedged themselves
underneath Sam as the boys watched TV, “You're fifteen! I couldn't keep my hand
out of my pants at that age.”
“Well, I'm not a depraved pervert like you are!” Sam choked, “I don't want to
talk about this.”
“Is it not girls?” Gabriel asked, a little more lowly. It was always weirder
when Gabriel was serious. Intense in a way that was too obvious for Sam. It
made him afraid that Gabriel would know that the rushed moments in the dark,
under the covers, were tightly wound with the smell of green apples and the
feel of hot breath on his face, with little leg hairs rubbing against his, hot
and hurried.
“Gabriel, can we just... not?”
Gabriel looked at him seriously for an awful, long moment. Sam hated that for
all the time Sam spent looking at him, Gabriel was the one who could read his
face in a minute.
“Yeah. Whatever, weirdo.” Gabriel sneered, jamming his feet back under Sam and
turning back to the TV in time to watch an oval tine commercial. “Shortstop, go
get me a soda, would you?”
Sam left earlier that night than he normally did. If Gabriel noticed, he didn't
say.
Sam spent the night, staring at the ceiling and thinking about girls and cars
and Gabriel's too intense eyes lit by parking lot lights. Tasting a girl,
cleansing his palette.
And Sam just felt cold and restless inside, like nothing he'd ever felt fully
before. Later, when he was older, Sam would understand that that was what
heartbreak felt like.
Gabriel was still asleep when Sam showed up at three the next afternoon.
Castiel let him in and told Sam to remind Gabriel that he was supposed to work
that night.
When Sam relayed the message to the grumpy Gabriel, he just rolled his eyes.
“So they fire me. It's August. I'm gone in three weeks anyway.”
Sam didn't think that was how it worked, be he didn't say anything, because
Gabriel sat closer to him on the couch, sleepy and gravelly sounding like a man
as the sleep rumbled out of his voice. His arm brushed Sam's, heavy. It wasn't
as long as Sam's, and that seemed weird. Gabriel always seemed so much bigger.
Sam just wanted to stare at the disparity, but Gabriel didn't seem to notice.
“Water, short stop,” he grunted after his cursory 'hey' of greeting, “Get me
water.”
Sam did, and when he went back downstairs, Gabriel was lighting a cigarette.
“Thought you quit.” Sam said as he approached the couch. Gabriel lifted his
legs to make room.
“Thought you knew better than to run your mouth when someone has a hangover.”
Gabriel snapped. But he didn't ask Sam to leave and he put his legs in Sam's
lap when he sat down. He took the water and threw the remote at him and they
were done talking about it.
He waited until two full episodes of daytime talk shows before he asked, “So,
it went well then?”
Gabriel smiled a low, sinful smile that made Sam feel hollow. “Yup,” he purred,
“As usual, Meg does not disappoint. We used to fool around a little after
class. Let's just say that, like a fine wine, she's gotten better with age.”
“So, is she like your girlfriend, now?” Sam asked.
Gabriel gave a dry laugh, “I don't think she wants to be my girlfriend.“ He
handed his empty water cup back to Sam, “I think she likes hooking up with me
when no one knows about it. Kinda the story of my life, kiddo.”
“Why?”
Gabriel gave him an annoyed look, like he didn't think he would need to spell
it out for him. Sam still didn't understand, “I'm always broke. And I'm...
well, I'm just the way I am...” Gabriel shrugged and turned back to the TV, for
once not preening under Sam's gaze.
Sam thought he knew what he meant. Gabriel was loud, and opinionated, and fully
incapable of being sincere when he was supposed to be. He was needy. He was
pushy.
But Sam still didn't understand anything wrong with any of that. That was just
the way Gabriel was.
“I like the way you are.” Sam said softly.
Gabriel pretended he didn't hear. Sam followed his lead.
 
1999
In Sam's sophomore year of high school, he grew five inches, sending him over
six feet tall.
The kids at school called Sam stretch, now. Even Dean had to crane his head up
to look at Sam these days. He was no longer relegated to Dean's hand-me-downs
but the, somehow worse, pickings at the Goodwill. His shoes were worn through
with holes in the bottom, but he didn't say anything because he knew his Dad
would have to go one town over and spend almost a full paycheck on oversized
clown shoes.
To make matters worse, Sam was clumsy with his new, excessive size. He knocked
things off tables with the swing of his arms. He spilled at least half of his
drinks with his new baseball mitt sized hands. Sam didn't know it was possible
to have it worse as a Sasquatch than as a runt, but somehow he managed.
All the Novaks found his height adorable, especially since it meant that
Gabriel was forever bending backwards to call him 'shortstop' and people seemed
to be unendingly pleased whenever Gabriel was taken down a peg.
Gabriel was downstairs with the TV on when Sam came over. Sam lumbered down the
stairs, the fifty pounds he'd gained, seemingly overnight, meant that the days
of sneaking up on Gabriel were forever over. The older boy, man, actually, in
an obvious sense this summer in particular, with filled out shoulders and
stubble and a voice that had settled deep and mature.
Sam felt even more impossibly awkward and coltish in Gabriel's presence now
that Gabriel was starting to look more adult and serious, even. Gabriel had
graduated college and promptly moved back into his parents house. Michael, the
oldest, had a baby with his wife and Lucian had gotten a job in Texas. Even
Castiel was away, studying abroad in Paris for the summer. The house was empty
now, but the basement felt as full as it always had when it was just him and
Gabriel.
Like the house itself, though, there was something quieter about Gabriel.
He insisted he was looking for a job when Mr. and Mrs. Novak were in earshot,
but as far as Sam could tell he smoked a lot of weed in the basement and
watched more TV than ever.
Gabriel was sitting in a stupor cloud of smoke that afternoon, staring at the
old television set but not really watching. Sam dropped onto the couch, trying,
and failing, to not take up too much room. Gabriel didn't seem to notice that
the outside of their thighs touched when they sat like this. Sam couldn't not
notice if he tried.
“Anything good?” Sam asked. Gabriel blinked slowly at him.
“Nah. All crap. All reruns and commercials and cartoons and crap.”
“Lame.” Sam said. Gabriel passed him the pipe he was smoking out of. After
months of it, Sam still pretended that he needed Gabriel to hold the choke hole
of the pipe for him. Gabriel's hands so close to his face, his eyes on Sam's
mouth, that naked focus, which had always been a weakness of Sam's was
practically lethal in that high of a dosage.
Sam breathed out the smoke, his eyes watering as he held back his cough.
Gabriel seemed to notice, though, grinning as he settled back into the pillows
on his side of the couch.
Sam leaned his head back against the couch and focused on the heat of Gabriel's
thigh, ignoring the TV but facing it anyway.
The thigh in question jostled him.
“Wha?” he asked, looking over. Apparently Gabriel had asked him something.
“God, you're so fucking high” Gabriel laughed. Sam agreed, but he didn't think
Gabriel knew what he was high on.
In the previous school year, Sam had come to the unfortunate realization that
he was, in fact, in love with Gabriel. It wasn't shocking or groundbreaking. It
just happened like it had been threatening to since he was young. It was kind
of like growing six inches in a year. It hurt all over, he was always hungry
and somehow, being able to name that draw Gabriel had over him; sexual
attraction, was worse than when he was a kid and just convinced that Gabriel
was the coolest.
He didn't just want Gabriel to think he was cool. He wanted Gabriel to think he
was irresistible. And, clearly, that wasn't going to happen. Between Kali and
Meg and all of Gabriel's other secret and brief conquests, Sam was pretty sure
that he and his extra bits between his legs wouldn't be occupying the same sort
of obsessive space that Gabriel had in his head. Gabriel didn't think of Sam
before he went to bed. He didn't notice when their thighs touched. He only
wanted Sam around because he didn't want to be alone. It fucking hurt, but it
wasn't like Sam could stay away.
“I said,” Gabriel knocked Sam's knee again with his thigh, “What's with the
hair? It's getting long.”
Sam shrugged, “I like it. What's your problem? You have long hair too.”
“Yes, but I'm a bad boy. What's your excuse?”
“Maybe I'm a bad boy too.”
“I'll bet. Real heart breaker.”
“Shut up.”
“Hey, the girls they love the sensitive bad boy look. The Jordan Catalano, if
you will.”
“I'm not Jordan Catalano.”
“No, I'm Jordan Catalano. What's your deal?”
“Shut up.”
“No, seriously, who are you trying to impress?”
“No one. I can't have a hair cut without you thinking I'm trying to get someone
in my pants?”
“Well, are you?”
“I don't want to talk about it.”
Gabriel was quiet for a moment. “So, is it boys, then?”
“Yeah.” Sam mumbled, “It seems like it.”
“Ok.” Gabriel said simply. “Ok.”
“Yeah.”
“Anyone I know?” Gabriel said after a beat, his eyes glued to the television.
“I mean I've never... not yet. With a guy. So...”
“Oh. Good.”
“Why is that good?” Sam snapped, “I'd think you of all people... You'd tell me
to get a fake ID and sneak into bars and get laid 24-7. If I'd told you I'd
fucked a girl--”
“Whoa--” Gabriel blanched. Sam didn't use words like that. He also didn't lose
his temper.
But Gabriel was being weird and it was pissing Sam off. He was being quiet and
serious and not looking at him and it was only because Sam said he was gay. He
wasn't being Gabriel, he was being a stranger. Maybe he could tell, now, with
certainty that Sam had wanted him all along. A boyhood fascination had evolved
into an adolescent sexual obsession and Gabriel-- Gabriel was acting like he
didn't know Sam at all. Like he was suddenly fundamentally different. And, the
thing that Sam feared the most, was that maybe now that he had a name for the
thoughts and feelings Gabriel elicited from him, there was something different
now.
“I haven't told anyone else.” Sam said, “And you're being weird about it.”
“I'm not being weird.”
“You're being really weird.”
“I don't... I know know how to be.” Gabriel admitted, “I mean. I don't know,
Sam... Guys are different... they're pervs, you know? I mean girls... I
guess... but guys are... aggressive. You know?”
“No, I have no fucking clue what you're saying.”
Since when did Gabriel have a hard time expressing himself?
“Like... older guys. They... prey on boys like you. They force themselves. And
if you aren't ready...” Gabriel let it trail off, looking away from Sam, “Just
promise me you won't sneak into clubs... ok?”
Sam snorted, “If I snuck into bars to hit on older women, you'd give me a high
five.”
“It's different.”
“Why?”
“Because, ok? Just because. I don't like to think about how you'd look to them.
All, you know, pretty and thin.” Gabriel tucked his already thin and worn lips
into his mouth, chewing them. “They'd just do stuff... want to do stuff to you
--And-- Just promise me you won't sneak into clubs, ok?”
Was Gabriel blushing?
“But, Gabriel...” Sam said lowly. He adjusted in the couch so there was no
doubt in Gabriel's mind that Sam was facing him, giving Gabriel his full
attention. Sam looped an arm around the back of the couch, stretching his long
body to it's full length. “I want men to think those things about me.”
Gabriel swallowed. Sam saw him glance at him out of the corner of his eye.
This was different. Gabriel pretending he didn't see Sam, Gabriel looking away,
Gabriel blushing. It wasn't the heady rush of Gabriel's eyes glancing at his
mouth as he held the pipe, or brushing their legs against each other like every
other summer.
This... this was like a needle in his veins. This... seduction... Sam was
starting to see why Dean liked it so much.
“I want them to touch me.” Sam murmured, “Down... there. Between my legs. I
want them to shove me against a wall, I want them to push my legs apart. I want
to be fucked up and used up by them. I want to get on my knees for them... I
want them to think I'm pretty... then make me theirs.”
Gabriel was flushing all along his body. Sam knew him well enough to know that
Gabriel would never admit defeat.
So Sam just took it.
He crawled across the couch, so slowly, so Gabriel knew what he was doing. So
Gabriel had to be aware of him and his body as Sam put one arm on the back of
the couch and the other on the armrest, pinning him in. Sam leaned over him,
breath ghosting over Gabriel's face.
Gabriel still wouldn't look at him. He was taking shaky breaths, staring at
Sam'm lips like he was terrified of what might happen. Or, Sam thought, maybe
terrified of what wouldn't happen.
Sam slid his face past Gabriel's, to his ear, feeling another intravenous
charge through his blood as he felt Gabriel's pulse skitter against him. Sam
mouthed at his ear, sloppy and clumsy. He was pretty sure his virginal
eagerness was showing, but he couldn't stop now. Not when Gabriel was so wrong-
footed, thrown off from Sam's sudden surge of sexual confidence. Sam didn't
know how long this shock would last, how much he could get away with before
Gabriel came to his senses.
He moved down to Gabriel's neck, bathing him in spit and heat. When Gabriel
moved his head to the side fractionally, opening up that little bit for Sam,
Sam sucked hard into the joining of his neck and his collar bone, nibbling at
the skin he pulled into his mouth.
Gabriel found his voice, then, but as usual he didn't seem to be thinking
before he spoke. “God almighty. God, oh, godohgodohgodohgod.”
Sam moved his knee, planting it on Gabriel's other side, fully trapping the man
underneath him. Sam pulled his mouth from the column of Gabriel's neck, seeking
out Gabriel's own lips. Gabriel let him, let Sam shove his tongue inside the
hot cavern of Gabriel's mouth.
Sam whined when Gabriel didn't reciprocate. He wanted Gabriel's hands on his
thighs, in his hair. He wanted Gabriel touching him, claiming him, owning him,
fucking him.
“Push me off or pull me closer,” Sam moaned, breaking the kiss. He couldn't
look at Gabriel, couldn't do more than bury his head in Gabriel's neck,
trembling and rolling his hips without friction in the space above Gabriel's
lap like some desperate cat. “Please, Gabriel. Please.”
“I can't” he whispered into Sam's hair. “I can't.”
Those couldn't be his words. Sam had dreamed about this. Wanted this for years
and years, for longer, maybe than he would ever be able to pinpoint. Gabriel.
It had always been Gabriel. And Sam had pinned him to the couch, had tasted his
mouth and the salt of his skin. That couldn't be it. Gabriel couldn't take away
that fantasy now.
Hot tears were building in Sam's eyes.
“Sam,” Gabriel said in a pained voice, “I just...” Gabriel's hips rose, closing
the space between his crotch and Sam's open thighs. Sam made a choking sound in
the back of his throat as he felt Gabriel's half hard cock rub against him, a
slow, hot, denim hard stroke from the crack of Sam's ass to the bottom of his
tented zipper. “Please, we can't”
“Push me off” Sam murmured, “You have to push me away. I can't stop. You have
to stop me. I swear, just push me away, I won't fight you but... I'm not strong
enough to stop by myself.”
Gabriel remained motionless underneath him, his body tense as he held back.
Held back from what? Shoving Sam away? Shoving Sam underneath him. Shoving his
cock up against Sam's again?
Sam dropped his hips, grinding wantonly in Gabriel's lap. Gabriel threw his
head back, voice skipping out of him in a stuttered moan.
He didn't ask Sam to stop again. So Sam didn't.
Sam found a rhythm after a few base drags of his cock against Gabriel's.
Rubbing his clothed dick over against Gabriel's pubic bone while pressing his
ass down onto Gabriel's cock.
“Love you.” Sam gasped as he felt the coils in his stomach start to take over
control of his hips and his mouth, apparently. It was out there. No reason to
start taking things back now, so Sam made it a declaration. “God, I've loved
you for so fucking long.”
“I love you too.” Gabriel whispered, fear and shame warping the words, “I love
you too, Sam.”
Sam's hips jerked hot and hard against Gabriel and he felt the hot sploosh of
come coat the inside of his pants and boxers.
Sam kissed Gabriel again, and this time, the older boy, the man, kissed him
back.
Sam grabbed a fistful of Gabriel's shirt and hauled him up. Sam leaned back,
laying out against the couch like they had a million times before, but this
time with his legs wrapped around Gabriel's waist, pulling Gabriel with him,
above him.
Gabriel braced his arms above Sam on the couch and started fucking against him
in earnest, making the aftermath of Sam's orgasm squish against his over
sensitive cock with every pump. His eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth in a
grimace.
Sam reached up and stroked his chin, taking it into his hand and forcing
Gabriel to look down at him.
“I love you so fucking much, Gabriel.”
Gabriel rutted into him hard once, then twice, then he was coming, his face
contorted into something almost funny now that Sam wasn't blurred by lust. Sam
just smiled as Gabriel collapsed against him, wrapping his arms around him and
holding Gabriel against his chest.
After a moment, Gabriel's heartbeat returned to normal.
“You asleep?” Sam asked, as a sort of happy drowse started creeping in around
his consciousness.
“No.”
“Me neither.”
“Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“You need to go.”
Sam released him, letting Gabriel sit up and adjust his clothes and avoid his
eyes. “What?” Sam asked, because he surely hadn't heard right.
“You can't stay here. And you can't... you can't hang out here anymore.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“This shouldn't have happened, Sam.” Gabriel turned his back to him, “It can't
happen again.”
“Bullshit.” Sam snapped. He hated how his voice wobbled, like he was close to
tears. “That's bullshit. You got off. I didn't force you... did I?”
“No. And that's... that's the problem. We can't hang out anymore.”
“Give me a fucking reason!”
“I'm 24, Sam!” Gabriel turned on him, “I just raped you. And... and... you're,
oh fuck, you're sixteen. Oh, fucking fuck. What have I done?”
“Nothing I didn't ask you to.” Sam sat up, mirroring Gabriel's posture with six
inches of space between Sam's chest and Gabriel's back.
“That won't... that won't matter to anyone. God, Sam, I'm... I'm the guy they
warn you about. I'm a predator. I'm living in my parent's basement having sex
with a teenager. Holy shit, Sam, what have I done?”
“Gabriel, I wanted it.”
“You just... you need to go.” Gabriel said, “You can't hang around with me
anymore. You'll get a little older and you'll be glad you didn't try to love
me. You're so fucking smart, Sam. You're gonna go to college and you're gonna
go be amazing somewhere. And... I'm the way I am, Sam. I'll probably still be
here.”
“I love you, Gabriel.” Sam murmured weakly. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too, Sam.” Gabriel said, “So I can't let you hang out here anymore.
You've got to... You've got to go to school and meet boys your own age and
graduate and go to college and forget about me. I can't date a sixteen year
old. I just... I can't. We can't be in love right now.”
“I'm not going to forget about you.”
“I don't think I'm going to forget about you either.”
“I'm coming back when I'm 18.” Sam said, “I'm coming back for you then.”
Gabriel looked over his shoulder at him, a weak but genuine smile on his lips,
those intense eyes softened a little.
“I'll wait, then.”
End Notes
     I don't post a lot of porn but I do have one of those coolTumblrs
     that all the hip kids are talking about.
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