Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1042061.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Star_Trek:_The_Original_Series
  Relationship:
      James_T._Kirk/Spock
  Character:
      James_T._Kirk, Spock, Leonard_McCoy
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-11-12 Words: 16417
****** Crime + Punishment = Atonement ******
by Jane_Jones_(raynewton)
Summary
     Spock. mind has gone. Kirk cares for him, but fears he has betrayed
     him
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
CRIME + PUNISHMENT = ATONEMENT.
by Jane Jones,
PART I - Crime
"Jim!"
The pilot of the tiny aircar smiled warmly as be descended from his craft,
pleased to hear his name called in a tone of such breathless excitement and
anticipation. Abandoning his packages for a moment he watched as the flying
figure raced towards him; his open arms received the slim body, holding it to
him in a fierce protective hug. Wide eyes smiled warmly into his. "Oh, you've
been so long. It's nearly dark - I don't like the night when you're not here...
.I missed you, Jim."
Once the open, eager affection in that voice would have delighted Jim Kirk; the
laughing eyes, the lips curved in a smile of pleasure, would have been a gift
to be valued. Now, it broke his heart. Overcome with a sudden tenderness, he
tightened his grip, raising one hand to smooth the silk-soft hair gently.
"I've missed you too, Spock," he murmured.
Though he had long accepted the possibility that he might lose Spock, Kirk had
always assumed that it would be to death; the harsh reality had therefore
caught him totally unprepared,
It had been while they were investigating a wrecked spacecraft on some
nameless, unimportant planet. The ship conformed to no known design, and was
clearly alien. Sensors gave no warning, but Spock must have sensed danger, for
at the last moment he pushed his Captain aside, receiving in his stead the full
force of the alien defensive ray. For days he lay in a coma, and when he awoke
his mind was gone... completely.
The ship, when they penetrated it at last, provided no clue as to the operation
of the ray. All they knew for sure was that Spock's brilliant mind had been
wiped clean of all its knowledge. He was a newborn infant, and had to be taught
to walk, speak, feed himself all over again. While still retaining the mind of
a child.
Of course they took him to Vulcan. Their most brilliant doctors could do
nothing. The inevitable future waited - a medical discharge for Spock, and
permanent confinement to a Starfleet Hospital.
Appalled at the thought of his friend being abandoned to such efficient but
impersonal care, Kirk rebelled. He would not permit it. McCoy reasoned with
him, pointing out that he had no alternative; Sarek and Amanda were dead,
killed when their aircar crashed in the desert, and there was no-one else to
care for him. Kirk must resign himself to the inevitable.
But Kirk would not. Without a word to anyone, he reslgned from Starfleet,
abandoning without regret the career he had once longed for so passionately,
for without Spock at his side all his triumphs would now be meaningless.
McCoy was approaching the end of his active service; at the conclusion of this
mission he would take up an appointment as Director of the Starfleet Hospital
on Janus. Snatching a short leave Kirk visited Janus and found a small cabin,
isolated among the hills, but within easy reach by aircar of the hospital; this
he bought and furnished as a home for himself and Spock. Returning to the
Enterprise he told McCoy what he had done, and as he had expected, the Surgeon
exploded.
"It's crazy, Jim. I know how much he means to you, but you can't give up your
career just like that!"
"I can, and I have," Kirk said with quiet stubbornness. "He was hurt saving me
- I can't just abandon him. You've seen him - he knows me, trusts me... and
only me. You said yourself," he called for me all the time I was gone."
"Like a child," McCoy said brutally, hating to hurt his friend, but desperate
to prevent him wasting his life, "What sort of a companion will he be for you
now? If he'd been physically crippled, it might have worked, but as it is...
It'll be fine at first, I don't doubt, but what about later, when the novelty's
worn off? When you're sick and tired of the constant company of a demanding
child? There's no hope for him, and you know it, there's been no further
improvement for weeks now. Jim, I know you mean it for the best, but sooner or
later you'll become bored, restless... it would be more cruel to leave him
then, when he's come to depend on you utterly,"
"I wont leave him," Kirk said again, "and I think you're all wrong, you and the
Vulcans! Spock's mind is still there, I'm sure of it. I might be able to reach
him one day, and as long as there's even the faintest chance... I'll stay with
him,"
"Jim, you're deceiving yourself." McCoy sighed, knowing that it was hopeless.
"Think of it, year after year, no change, no improvement, only the hopeless
burden of caring for him. Don't destroy yourself."
"He could never be a burden," Kirk said softly; and at the note of tenderness
in his voice, McCoy nodded and abandoned his attempts at persuasion, and did
all he could to help his ffiend in his self-appointed task.
There had been problems, of course. Spock's uncertainty, his confusion,
rendered him almost pathetically dependent on Kirk; he recognised no-one else,
and his terrified, though uncomplaining bewilderment when Kirk had to leave him
moved the human almost to tears, remembering the proud, self-reliant man he had
known.
At first there had been regular trips to the hospital for the useless,
exhausting tests that produced always the same result. Spock's mental condition
was stable, neither improving nor regressing, confining the once brilliant
Vulcan in the mind of a child. Seeing how the journey, the crowd of strange
faces, the scarcely-comprehensible atmosphere of the hospital confused the
Vulcan, Kirk pleaded with McCoy for some relief; the Doctor taught Kirk to
conduct the tests himself, making a game of them, and once a month he visited
the hospital alone to deliver the results, and discuss the Vulcan's progress,
or lack of it. When he had time to spare from his busy schedule McCoy visited
them for the occasional weekend, and as Spock began to recognise and welcome
him; Kirk observed how his friend's usual sarcastic tones softened to indulgent
affection, when speaking to the man he had once teased with so much
understanding on both sides.
Kirk was far from bored. He had his books, his music... and he had Spock. The
Vulcan's intelligence was still keen, he learned quickly, but as a child would.
Kirk taught him patiently, suffering agonies as the Vulcan struggled to master
some simple concept he would once have known without even thinking about it.
However, this proof that Spock could use his mind to some extent convinced the
human that against all logical evidence, the brilliant mind had not been
destroyed. Imprisoned, perhaps, behind a barrier that no-one could break or
even detect, but still there, waiting...
There was an anguished, bittersweet quality to those days he spent with Spock.
He was seeing the Vulcan as he might have been in his childhood; free from,
Sarek's stern disapproval of any display of emotion his Human nature flowered,.
unfolding in the warmth of Kirk's affection. The sad lonely childhood with its
constant orders „ .You must not weep; you must not laugh... emotion is in bad
taste... was replaced by a time of sunlight and laughter as his released
emotions revealed the sweet, gentle, loving nature so sternly crushed in the
child Spock had been, He seemed to need no other companion - Kirk was the Sun
around whom his days revolved, the centre of his existance. Only when Kirk
travelled to the city to consult McCoy, or to order supplies, did his world
darken, leaving him alone; afraid, until the Human returned and his smile
banished fear. For this reason Kirk seldom left him, and never allowed him to
be alone overnight; one of McCoy's nurses would come to watch over the Vulcan
during Kirk's absence, but he grew restless and troubled on the few occasions
when Kirk did not return until after dark.
The nurse came to meet them, prepared to leave. Kirk watched her departure,
then taking Spock's hand led him indoors. He knew the Vulcan would have been
fretting, and must be tired, so he prepareda meal, after which he settled his
friend to sleep.
It was a hot night. Kirk tossed and turned restlessly, seeking some coolness on
the sweat-damp sheets. Sleep was long in coming, and when it did overtake him
was disturbed by vague, unremembered dreams which finally brought him awake
again to lie trying curiously to recapture the disturbing element.
A faint sound disturbed the stillness of the night, so quiet that at first Kirk
was not sure he heard it; but as he concentrated it came again, the desolation
and loneliness of the muffled wail jerked him off the bed to send him hurrying,
heedless of his nakedness, into Spock's room.
There was no moon that night, and the room was very dark, with a stab of guilt
Kirk saw that he had forgotten to switch on the dim light he always left
burning, for sometimes Spock woke in the night, and the darkness confused and
frightened him. As he snapped on the switch Kirk was already murmuring soft
words of reassurance as his anxious eyes sought his friend.
Spock was lying on top of the bed, his face buried in the pillows; his body was
trembling violently with the effort to suppress the sobs that wrenched him.
Kirk sat on the bed, and laid a gentle hand on one heaving shoulder. Spock grew
still, and a hesitant voice murmured, "Jim?"
"Yes, it's me." Kirk's own voice was none too steady. "You're safe Spock,
nothing can hurt you."
The head turned on the pillow, and dark eyes studied him for a moment; then
Spock reached out blindly, Kirk held him close, feeling the still-strong arms
close around his waist as Spock's head came to rest against his shoulder. "Why
were you crying?" he asked gently as he brushed the tears from Spock's face.
"I had a dream... I thought you'd gone away... I was so frightened... "
"You don't have to be afraid, ever," Kirk promised. "I'll never leave you,
Spock. What made you think I might?"
"I... don't know." The winged brows contracted in puzzled bewilderment. "It's
the same every time you go away; I'm frightened because... because I think that
there's... something... out there, pulling you away from me. Then, when you do
come back, I dream... that you can't see or hear me, and you go away again. I
call and call... I run after you, faster and faster... but you get further away
all the time, until... I'm alone, in the dark, and cold... so cold... "
"Don't, Spock." Kirk's arms tightened. "I'll never leave you. Will you sleep
now, if I stay with you?"
"Oh yes," Spock breathed as Kirk settled himself on the bed. "I like it when
you hold me - I feel safe... so warm." With a sigh of contentment he settled
closer and Kirk raised his hand to Spock's head, soothing the Vulcan into sleep
by the rhythmic smoothing of his hair.
For a long time Kirk lay unmoving, unthinking, lulled into sleepy contentment
by the soft breathing of the man in his arms. It was curiously pleasant, he
thought suddenly, to hold Spock like this without the fear of embarrassment for
either of them. The slim body pressed to his was warm, comforting...
Kirk was never sure just when his hands began to move, abandoning the rich
softness of Spock's hair to trace the elegant curve of a pointed ear, the
delicate cheek, outlined soft lips, slipped lower, gliding across the soft fur
of the chest to finger nipples that slowly hardened under his caress. Spock's
sleepy murmur of pleasure broke into Kirk's reverie, and he came fully awake to
realise with a surge of horror what he was doing, what he wanted to do. The
blood pounded in his veins, and he was conscious of an almost overwhelming
physical desire as he looked down at Spock's naked body. So vulnerable, so
responsive. He wanted Spock with an urgency that made him dizzy, rendering
thought almost impossible - his own physical arousal was painful.
Take him! His body screamed. He'd want you to, his mind argued slyly. He denies
you nothing.
Horrified at his thoughts, Kirk retained enough control to settle Spock
comfortably before he ran from the room in almost terror, to huddle, trembling
in the safety of his own bed, cowering in shame before the demons he had found
in his own mind.
The realisation that he wanted Spock did not particularly dismay him; in this
century after all it was not considered shameful for men to find pleasure in
each other, and although he himself had never wanted a man before, he knew that
both men and women found him physically attractive. His self-disgust came
rather from what he saw as the 'treachery' of the impulse, the selfish lust
that had made him desire Spock now, when the Vulcan could not choose his
response. Physically mature and sexually capable he might be, but his response
was purely physical - to his Vulcan reserve had now been added the innocence of
the very young.
None of these thoughts served to quieten Kirk's raging body, and with a groan
of despair he slid his hand down over his belly to grasp his painfully swollen
organ; there was no pleasure for him as he pumped rapidly, only the hope that
physical release would stem the despicable longing that flooded him at the
thought of the slender body, naked in the next room. The climax left him
unsatisifed, but he comforted himself with the hope that this had been only a
passing impulse. He had needed sex without realising it, he rationalised; and
the warmth of Spock's body, the smooth naked skin pressed to his, had caused
the arousal - it would not happen again!
Physically and emotionally exhausted, Kirk turned over, heedless of the
disordered bed, and fell deeply asleep.
In the light of morning everything seemed normal. Spock had no recollection of
the previous night - of course, he had not awakened - and Kirk found himself
regarding his friend with nothing more than the long admitted affection that
had linked them almost from the beginning.
It was a beautiful day, warm and sunny, but the intense heat had abated, Kirk
spent the morning making some necessary repairs to the house, then after lunch
he carried his books beneath the shade of the trees. He was teaching Spock to
read, and the Vulcan's rapid progress delighted him - one day, he thought,
Spock might relearn all his old skills; then a cold chill shook him as he
realised that, though thanks to the Vulcan's longer life span, Spock himself
might one day have a career again, he, Kirk, would be very old, if not dead, by
the time that day came and Spock had progressed enough even to apply for
Academy training, Angrily he pushed the thought away, for it hurt too much.
As the afternoon wore on they abandoned the lessons, and simply relaxed in the
shade. Spock leaning on one elbow, his eyes intent on Kirk's face, listened
with pleasure as the Human entertained him with the stories he had learned to
love. The richness of his laughter, the unconcealed joy in the dark eyes helped
to dispel Kirk's morbid thoughts, and he enjoyed himself almost as much as
Spock did,
When darkness fell they returned indoors. After supper they listened to music
for a time until Kirk, seeing Spock's sleepy eyes, settled him for the night.
Alone, he read for a time, then sought his own bed, aware of a pleasant
tiredness that quickly lulled him into sleep.
Taken off guard by the peaceful normality of the day, the dreams found him an
easy victim. His mind released from its shackles of constraint and conformity,
showed him clearly and in explicit detail exactly what he wanted to do to
Spock. He awoke with a muffled cry, his senses reeling, his body trembling with
excitement at the sensual after-images of Spock writhing deliriously under his
merciless hands.
Far a long time he lay fighting the tendrils of temptation that crept into his
mind; he wanted this more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire
life... aware that honour, self-respect, basic human decency counted for
nothing in the face of this burning desire.
Desperately, he tried to marshall all the reasons why he must not succumb - the
Vulcan's usual resistance to physical desire, his utter trust in Kirk, his
helpless dependence - but his blood throbbed in answer. Take him.
Take him!
Suddenly the tumult in his mind stilled, and the awful calm that followed told
Kirk that he had lost. He would hate himself for what he was going to do, but
he would do it! The fact of having made the decision lent him a certain fragile
control; Kirk rose slowly from the bed, and walked quietly into Spock's room.
Halting by the bed, Kirk hesitated - there was still time - but of its own
accord his hand reached out, drew the covers from the bed, and he studied
Spock's sleeping form avidly. In the soft lamplight the slim body was clearly
revealed to him...
His... to use as he wished,
For a long time he was content simply to look, but the longing to touch would
not be denied. Very lightly he began to run his hands over the Vulcan's skin;
he might not be able to resist this, he thought dazedly, but he could at least
be gentle. He did not want to hurt or frighten Spock. Under the gliding touch
Spock stretched, and sighed. Kirk's hands slid across his chest, teasing the
nipples erect, then travelled down over the firm muscles of his belly tc linger
on the soft skin of his thighs. A light pressure was enough to coax the Vulcan
into turning on his back, and Kirk's hand eagerly sought the dormant flesh that
began to swell and harden in his insistent grasp. His breath came harshly as he
watched the effects of his touch. Spock might have the mind of a child, but his
body was that of a fully mature male, and with the loss of his Vulcan control
he was reacting as any Human would do to this deliberate, seductive caress.
"J-Jim? What... what are you doing? I feel... strange... "
Kirk looked up to meet puzzled, apprehensive dark eyes, and smiled
reassuringly,
"Don't be afraid," he murmured. "It's all right, I only want to love you."
Spock relaxed at once; if Jim said it was all right, it must be.
Hating himself for taking advantage of this trust, Kirk sought to divert his
mind by lowering his head to kiss the thin mouth. Gently, insistently, he
parted the warm, trembling lips and slid his tongue into the moist heat of the
Vulcan's mouth, probing eagerly. He coiled his tongue around Spock's and drew
it into his own mouth, sucking contentedly as he savoured the strange spicy
taste, so different from any kisses he had known before; knowing that he could
never sate his hunger for such a delicious embrace. Reluctantly, he released
Spock's mouth at last and sought other delights, kissing the strong yet
vulnerable column of his throat, feeling the faint rapid pulse beneath his
lips. He nuzzled through soft velvety hair until his mouth fastened avidly on a
nipple. He sucked at the hard flesh, teasing it with his tongue until Spock
whimpered softly and squirmed under his hands. "Shh..." Kirk whispered, raising
his head to press gentle kisses to Spock's face. "I won't hurt you Spock,
please let me love you,"
"Love?" the Vulcan questioned hesitantly.
"Yes... like this," Kirk's lips moved again, covering Spock's chest and belly
in a pattern of light teasing kisses; his hand reached again for the Vulcan's
maleness as he bent his head to the throbbing flesh. His tongue caressed the
length of the slowly-swelling organ, licking greedily. Spock shivered and
whimpered again, but this time his hands moved instinctively to Kirk's head,
pressing the human closer.
"So good," he whispered.
Kirk smiled, and parted his lips, drawing the pulsing head into his mouth. His
hands moved to Spock's hips, holding the Vulcan still, completely at his mercy
as his mouth worked hungrily, milking the swollen flesh. Spock was moaning now,
urging him on in a voice made hoarse by pleading. Kirk responded, sucking
hungrily, inching closer, drawing Spock deeper into his mouth until his lips
were buried in soft hair. At last Spock's body convulsed, and his semen filled
Kirk's mouth. The Human swallowed, then swallowed again, enjoying the
unfamiliar sensation as the warm creaminess slid down his throat. God -I must
love him! he thought suddenly, I couldn't do this with any other man!
Then the climax subsided and Kirk moved back up the bed to take the thin figure
in his arms, cradling the dark head tenderly to his chest; the Vulcan was
trembling uncontrollably, but his smile was one of increduous delight.
"Did you like that, Spock?" Kirk murmured, stroking his cheek.
"Oh yes, Jim... was that love?"
"It was the most perfect love I've every known," Kirk assured him. a little
unsteadily, glorying in the realisation that he had at last found the one being
in the Universe to whom he could say those words... and mean them.
"Good. I enjoyed it." Spock's tone was one of pure contentment. "It felt... so
nice... to be so close to you; warm and comfortable... and safe."
"Will you... " Kirk 's voice was very soft. "Will you... do that to me Spock?"
"May I? I would like to... but I don't know... "
"Just do as I did. I'll guide you."
Kirk turned Spock's head, drawing the Vulcan's lips to his nipples. As the hot
mouth fastened onto, him, sucking eagerly, he pressed Spock's hand into his
groin, encouraging the searching fingers to curl around his penis.
He was more quickly aroused than Spock, and soon had to pull away, not wanting
to finish too soon. Deliberately he pressed the Vulcan's head between his
thighs, rubbing the tip of his organ against the thin lips until they parted,
drawing him into the deliciously hot mouth.
Kirk had always enjoyed this caress from his women, but only now did he know
"pure ecstasy. His fingers sank into the softness of Spock's hair, pressing the
avid mouth closer, his lips thrusting urgently in response to the movement of
lips and tongue. His release, when it came, was shattering leaving him - limp
and exhausted - no one had ever satisfied him so completely before.
"Jim, did I hurt you?" the anxious pleading voice-roused him, and he smiled
languidly into the dark eyes.
"No... you pleased me," he murmured softly, pulling the relieved Vulcan into
his arms, "sleep now love."
"You wont go away?"
"I'll be here when you wake up," Kirk promised.
He lay for a long time, cradling the sleeping Vulcan, too satisfied even to
think. All he knew was the sudden intense and overwhelming love he felt for
Spock, a love that took what could have been only crude desire and transformed
it into a gentle, tender expression of all he felt for his friend. I love him,
he thought. Oh please, don't let me hurt him, he means too damn much to me!
For a moment he considered returning to his own room, his own bed, but he had
promised Spock... and besides, what did it matter now? He had betrayed his
friend, disgraced himself utterly... but as he pressed his lips to the soft
silky hair, Kirk knew that he would not be able to resist the lure of this
beloved body, yet again.
                                      ***
From that night their lives developed a curious division. By day Kirk refused
to think about the night... about what he did then. He treated Spock with the
same affectionate tenderness he had always shown, and the Vulcan, following his
lead never mentioned it either.
But with the coming of night, his raging hunger drove Kirk to the solace of
Spock's bed. The Vulcan welcomed him eagerly, seeming to take as much pleasure
as the human in their secret life. Their urgent, seeking hands and mouths drew
them both into a glorious insanity until their moans of longing blended into a
cry of ecstasy, their hungry bodies locked together, and the desperate
compelling need was satisfied yet again.
Nights of magic, these were, nights of pleasure, and wonder... and horror; for
Kirk, holding the sweating, trembling, writhing Vulcan in his arms, could never
quite forget that he had deliberately seduced his friend, had lured him into a
relationship which in his own mind the Vulcan would have rejected in disgust...
and was even now using Spock's body to satisfy his own guilty lust.
That he gave pleasure as well as received it was no excuse, for he had
selfishly aroused Spock's human sensuality for his own ends... he knew it...
and despised himself.
Yet he could not stop. Always, when he reached that point in his thoughts he
would resolutely ignore his conscience, and bury his mouth in Spock's eager
flesh, seeking oblivion in the Vulcan's passionate embrace. Spock had become,
for him, like some insidious drug dulling his conscience... a drug he knew it
would kill him to lose.
One afternoon Spock wandered into the cabin to see Kirk turning from the
videophone. He smiled affectionately at the Human, then his eyes clouded as he
saw the worry in his face.
"Jim what's the matter?"
Kirk looked up, and smiled reassuringly. "Nothing. Sit down - I have something
to tell you."
When they were both seated, Spock perched on the arm of Kirk's chair so that he
could more easily amuse himself by toying with the Human's hair. Kirk took one
of the Vulcan's hands and stroked it absently.
"McCoy is coming for the weekend," he said at last. "He'll be here tonight."
"McCoy?" Spock frowned in bewilderment, then he said triumphantly, "Bones!"
"Yes, Bones." Kirk smiled again, happy that Spock was beginning to remember and
trust the doctor. "But Spock, we must be careful while he's here." Kirk raised
the hand he held to his lips, and continued gently, "What we do together...
when I share your bed... must be our secret. While Bones is here, you must
sleep alone."
"No!" Spock said mutinously, "I won't; I won't! I want to be with you... it's
nice, loving you."
"Listen to me!" Kirk said sternly. "If Bones finds out... what we... what I do
to you... he'll take you way, and I'll be punished... "
"Is it wrong then, what we do?" Spock asked anxiously.
Kirk sighed. "Bones would think so. It's up to you, Spock. If he finds out,
we'll never be allowed to share a bed again, you'll be taken away to a
hospital, I'll be imprisoned, and we'll never, ever, see each other again... do
you want that?" He had to lay it on thick, be sure the Vulcan understood.
"No!" With a sudden movement Spock flung himself to his knees at Kirk's feet,
his arms clasping the Human's waist tightly. "No, Jim, I don't want that! I
want you to stay with me... I want to love you always... "
"Hush now, it's all right." Kirk gathered the Vulcan close, smoothing the soft
hair. Spock was trembling with fear, and Kirk hated himself for alarming him
so, but it was vital that he understand the dangers, "There's nothing to worry
about, as long as you remember that while McCoy's here, we must stay in our own
beds, do you understand?"
"Yes Jim," he said nervously, "I'll remember."
Kirk leaned down to Spock's lips, kissing him gently, tenderly, anxious to calm
the fear he had kindled in the dark eyes.
"We do have a few hours before McCoy gets here," he murmured, his voice husky
with longing. Spock's avid mouth on his conveyed the Vulcan's eagerness.
***
Kirk enjoyed the Doctor's visit, once he was sure that Spock could keep their
secret. He experienced one bad moment when during Spock's physical examination
McCoy commented on several bruises that marked his body; after a moment's
thought Kirk explained them as the results of a minor fall, and the Doctor
accepted the explanation,
However, McCoy's unstinted praise for the care Kirk had taken of Spock only
increased his sense of guilt. He knew only too well that if McCoy knew of his
shameful behaviour, the lazy voice would harshen into contempt, the laughing
blue eyes freeze with disgust and loathing. Not even their long standing
friendship would shield Kirk from the consequences of his action... and he knew
it would all be well deserved. If anyone else had abused Spock in like manner,
he would have been the first to demand punishment!
On one thing Kirk became suddenly determined. He would not go to Spock again.
The few days of McCoy's visit had broken the pattern of his selfish indulgence,
and however much it hurt, he would from now on control his lust. His body
rebelled at the thought, but he was determined. He could do nothing about the
passionate, yet tender love he felt for the Vulcan. He didn't want to, but he
could and would subdue his salacious desires, control his physical cravings.
The torments of frustration he would no doubt endure might, perhaps, atone in
some small measure for his former selfish indulgence.
It was therefore with a mixture of relief, and apprehension that Kirk watched
McCoy's departure. Relief, because he need no longer fear discovery, and
apprehension because without the doctor's inhibiting presence, he wondered if
he would have the strength to maintain his resolve.
That night Kirk lay awake for hours, fighting the temptation to go to Spock.
Fighting his body's insistent, hungry demands. At last he succumbed partially,
using his hands to relieve his physical arousal, basing his fantasy on the last
time he had used Spock on the evening of McCoy's arrival. A swift hurried
encounter when they had not even taken time to undress. They had been on the
porch, waiting. Kirk overcome with sudden desire, had pulled the Vulcan to his
knees before him, had opened
his pants and pressed Spock's face into his groin. The Vulcan had co-operated
fully and eagerly, his hot hungry mouth had been...
At the memory, Kirk's body convulsed in climax and the warm stickiness spurted
between his fingers, unsatisfying, but the only release he would now know.
Dully, he rose and showered, then returned to bed. One of McCoy's pills, which
bad remained untouched till now, plunged him into a restless sleep.
Even in sleep, his despicable lust would not be subdued. Sensual images and
sensations began to invade his dreams, making him writhe and moan softly. He
could feel strong, insistent hands on his chest, his belly, coaxing his thighs
apart. The tormenting mouth took him, licking, sucking, nuzzling him
deliciously. Instinctively, he began to arch upwards, and the movement woke him
to the realisation that it was not a dream... Spock lay across his legs, mouth
and fingers working busily at his groin.
"Spock, no!" Horrified, Kirk tried to pull away, but it was too late, he was
too strongly aroused to resist; he looked down at the intent face, eyes half
closed in ecstasy as the Vulcan sucked at him hungrily, wanting that hot mouth
to take him, devour him... Kirk began to thrust upwards, longing for the
release of orgasm. Spock redoubled his efforts, moaning with satisfacticn as he
received Kirk's semen in his mouth.
When he was able to think coherently again, Kirk reached down to pull Spock
impatiently into his arms, cradling him gently; then he shifted onto one elbow
to study his companion's face with anxious loving eyes. The beloved face smiled
shyly up at him, alight with love and trust; and Kirk, knowing how little he
deserved such confidence, avoided the gaze of the worshipping dark eyes by
pressing his lips lightly to Spock's.
After a moment the Vulcan said shyly, "Did you like my surprise, Jim? I was
waiting for you, then I thought perhaps you were tired, so I came to you
instead." He shifted, settling his head confidently on Kirk's chest.
"I haven't been in your bed before," he remarked, "Still, it's just as nice
wherever we are."
"0h hell, Spock:" Kirk groaned, holding the Vulcan tighter. Spock's head
turned, seeking; with a low murmur of content his mouth found Kirk's nipple and
began to work at it, sucking gently, while he teased the other with his
fingers.
Kirk lay helpless, enjoying the sensations, feeling the fire begin to rage once
again in his blood. The glorious, all-destroying combination of love and lust
he felt for his friend... he was totally lost now, dazedly he accepted the
fact, knowing what he was going to do, hating himself for even
the thought... but unable to resist. Lost; damned for ever, his only sanctuary
the welcoming body in his arms, utterly disgraced in his own eyes... and yet,
it didn't seem to matter.
Pulling Spock's avid mouth away, he pushed the Vulcan back and knelt above him,
deliberately using his own hands and mouth to coax his lover to a trembling
quivering expectancy; then he slid his hands between Spock's thighs, gently
urging them apart.
For a moment the Vulcan was uncertain, confused as to what Kirk wanted of him,
then as he understood, he obediently spread his long legs apart, watching with
puzzled eyes as Kirk knelt between them.
Despite his impatience, Kirk forced himself to be gentle. He reached between
Spock's legs, probing carefully until he found the tight opening he sought.
Then with exquisite care he began to insert first one, then two fingers into
Spock's body. The Vulcan gasped as he felt the penetration, and tried to pull
away, but Kirk held him firmly.
"Don't struggle," he panted, "I don't want to hurt you."
Spock began to whimper as Kirk's fingers moved inside him even deeper, then his
involuntary control took over and he relaxed, his muscles giving way to avoid
pain.
"Good," Kirk murmured, and withdrew his hand, using it to guide his penis until
the tip probed carefully at the entrance to his lover's body. Looking into the
apprehensive dark eyes, he smiled reassuringly.
"This will be good, if you don't struggle," he promised. "You do want to please
me, don't you?" He reached a tube of cream from the bedside table and
lubricated his eager shaft...
"Yes, Jim, yes!" Spock's reply ended in a gasp as Kirk pushed his knees up to
his chest to expose him fully and began to press forward, inching carefully
into him. The swollen flesh was much larger than the fingers had been, and
exerted greater pressure on sensitive nerves and tissue in the tight orifice.
"Please, it hurts," Spock moaned, but Kirk, too inflamed to stop, continued his
advance relentlessly until he was completely buried in the Vulcan. He paused
then, wiping the tears of pain from Spock's eyes, savouring to the full the
feel of the Vulcan body helplessly impaled on his. As he made no further
movement Spock gradually became accustomed to the hard intrusion into his body,
and he relaxed with a sigh.
"Better?" Kirk murmured, pressing his lips to Spock's sweat-damp thigh.
"Yes... so strange, to feel you inside me... it hurt, but I like it now, I
think."
"There's more," Kirk whispered, his voice thick with excitement. "It might hurt
even more at first, but relax and try to move with me. I'll try to remember
you're virgin... but I won't be able to stop, even if you cry out... but it
will be better next time, I promise... the first time always hurts."
"It... it doesn't matter Jim, I want to please you," Spock whispered in reply,
knowing only that Kirk could do with him whatever he wanted! But the breath
caught in his throat as the Human began to thrust into him with an ever-
quickening rhythm, seeming to penetrate deeper at each stroke. For a moment he
was frightened... confused... in pain. Then nerves which had never been
stimulated before awoke with delight to welcome the new sensation. And he could
only lie helplessly, clinging to Kirk's shoulders, his dark head thrown back in
tormented ecstasy, giving himself without reservation to his lover's demands.
Kirk was beyond any control now; Spock's writhing body, heaving in utter
abandon beneath him, the tears of mingled pain and ecstasy spilling from the
dark eyes, the harsh sobbing as his helpless prey begged for release, all
combined to excite the human to madness. He drove himself harder, faster,
deeper, laughing in wild delight as he plunged into him, his hand grasped the
Vulcan's organ, milking him in rhythm with his own frantic surgings. Spock's
breath was coming in short painful gasps, as though it hurt him to breathe, and
as his body was doubled under Kirk's, it was hardly surprising, but the gasps
changed abruptly into groans of pleasure as the violated body revelled in its
domination.
Sensing that his climax was approaching Kirk gritted his teeth and stimulated
Spock harder; he thrust violently into the submissive body, penetrating so
deeply that he was sure he must have hurt his lover. A .cream of anguished
ecstasy rang in his ears as he fell forward onto Spock's chest at the moment of
climax. He was vaguely aware of strong arms holding him, sharp nails clawing at
his shoulders; that the tormented Vulcan was moaning softly like a wounded
animal; but all that occupied his attention was the pervasive thrill of
domination as his semen spurted into Spock's bruised flesh, his jerking hips
pounding against the Vulcan's penis triggering his climax in turn. Then as the
spasms subsided he lay still, feeling the muscular arms enfold him lovingly.
Warm lips brushed his damp hair, gentle hands were caressing his back in long
sweeping, strokes. With a tired sigh he turned his head, nuzzling into Spock's
neck, sensing in that gentle acceptance the Vulcan's forgiveness for the pain
he had endured, his loving submission to Kirk's lust. At last he carefully
withdrew from Spock's body, and slowly pulled away.
He walked unsteadily into the bathroom, and showered, then taking a basin of
warm water, a towel and a sponge, he returned to the bed.
As he carefully bathed the sweat and semen from Spock's thighs Kirk examined hm
worriedly, relieved to see no trace of blood - he hadn't injured his lover, as
he had feared. Spock lay passive, accepting his attention, then as Kirk
returned again from the bathroom he caught the human's hand to his lips. "Did
I... please you, Jim?" he asked shyly.
Kirk swallowed convulsively, there was a painful lump in his throat.
Dear God! he thought. I abused him, hurt him, all but raped him... and all he's
concerned about is whether I enjoyed it!
Feeling curiously humble, Kirk brushed Spock's mouth with his. "You were
wonderful," he said unsteadily. "I've never had such pleasure. But you... I
must have hurt you?"
"A little," Spock admitted, "but I don't mind." His voice deepened in wonder.
"I could feel you inside me... I didn't want it to end. Will you... will you
love me like that again?"
Kirk stroked the soft-furred chest gently. "I wont be able to help it," he
confessed hoarsely. "I can't give you up now. God help us both Spock, what will
become of us?"
"I don't care, as long as you don't leave me," the Vulcan murmured sleepily,
Seeing his tiredness, Kirk drew back.
"Sleep now," he urged.
The Vulcan smiled enticingly and opened his arms. "Only if you sleep with me."
Kirk sighed, and sank into the welcoming embrace, taking the dark head onto his
shoulder. Resolutely he banished all thoughts from his mind. Guilt and regret
were useless now... he had done the unforgiveable... and the only reparation he
could make was to give Spock the love, the physical
comfort, he had taught him to need.
***
From that night Kirk ceased to struggle with his conscience. He had used Spock,
and would go on doing so... to pretend otherwise was hypocrisy! The only thing
that kept him sane in those days was the knowledge that Spock accepted his
attentions lovingly, even seeking them, and was in every way dependent on him.
The deep tender love he felt for his friend, a love that grew with each passing
day, he counted as no mitigation, for he felt that if his love for Spock was
totally unselfish he would be able to control his lust. So he buried his own
self disgust deep, and concentrated on filling Spock's life as richly as
possible.
There was however, one factor of which Kirk remained in blissful ignorance; for
with a child's cunning, Spock hid it from him. The Vulcan's memory was
returning... very, very slowly, and only in tiny glimpses, but the wall had
been breeched...
Although no one hid suspected it, Spock's reaction to the alien beam had been
possible only because he was a hybrid, A Human would have been driven back
before any harm was dome, a Vulcan would have resisted it, and his mind would
have been totally burned out. Spock had begun by fighting, but in the last
seconds before annihilation he had realised what was happening to him; he had
managed to retreat, burying his mind so deeply that even his fellow Vulcans
could not detect it. So firm, so solid were his defences that he might have
remained trapped forever, but his barricades were assaulted by an irresistible,
penetrating force... Kirk's emotions!
The human's love, his passion, his overwhelming guilt, were all received by the
vacant mind, crashing endlessly against the defensive barrier, and slowly,
infinitely slowly, the wall began to crumble.
Spock did not know himself what was happening. It seemed that his life fell
neatly into two halves. The now, which had Kirk as the centre of his
existance... The loving, caring companion who brought warmth, and safety and
pleasure, and the scarcely remembered, but feared, before, when he knew he
had been cold, alone, empty. Kirk belonged to those days too, he sensed dimly,
but... differently. In that frozen life had been no warm body to cling to in
the dark hours of the night, only a sterile emptiness. He could not remember
the events of those days, but he could remember how he had felt, and knew that
he now loathed and hated that time. He wanted to continue as he was, and so he
hid his awakening memory from Kirk; endlessly assuring him, with his sweet
vacant smile, that he remembered - nothing... And he was happy! Somehow, he
knew that he had not been happy in the before. It was pleasant to lie close in
Kirk's arms, to cuddle into the welcoming warmth; and he revelled in the
enjoyment of the hours when Kirk's insistent mouth clung insatiably to his,
when he lay beneath Kirk's warm weight, feeling the Human move within his body.
His Sun was no longer a remote, brilliant star, but a glorious, thrilling
reality that he could hold safe in his arms. He was afraid that if he once
admitted that he was beginning to remember, he would be forced to return to a
time it hurt him to even think about...
***
A few weeks later Kirk was due to report to McCoy with the results of the
latest series of tests. Convinced that his friend needed a short break from his
heavy responsibility, the Doctor had insisted that he stay overnight; at least.
One of his nurses would remain with Spock. Afraid of arousing suspicion if he
argued, Kirk agreed, but Spock's reaction was stormy!
"No:" he wept, clinging tightly to Kirk. "Please don't leave me - I know
something bad will happen if you do... I'm frightened!"
"Spock, you know I have to go," Kirk sighed. "I don't want to, but... Do you
remember what I told you? No one must know what we do together? If I refuse to
go the Doctor will wonder why, he'll ask questions, he'll trick you... and when
he finds out he'll take you away. I'll never be able to love you again. You
don't want that, do you?"
As before, the threat worked, Spock clung to him, sobbing miserably, but he no
longer argued. With a heavy heart he waved farewell, then returned to his room,
trying to occupy the long hours until his beloved Jim returned. During the
night Spock woke and found himself alone; he was about to call out to Kirk,
then he remembered, and kept silent. But now fully awake, he became aware of
how quiet it was without Kirk breathing at his side, how cold it was without
those strong arms holding him safe. Accustomed by now to being sexually
satisfied his physical yearnings gradually became intolerable, and he writhed
in frustration, seeking relief.
The touch of his own hands helped, he found, and by imitating the movements
Kirk used to arouse him he achieved a partial release.
Sighing, and unsatisfied, he lay back, comforting himself with the memory of
Kirk... the memory of Kirk... the memory...
                                      ***
Part II: Punishment.
It was late on the second evening that Kirk had returned. McCoy had tried to
persuade him to remain an extra night, but he had insisted on leaving. "I
promised Spock, and he trusts me," he said, "I don't want to disappoint him -
he'll be watching for me."
McCoy agreed reluctantly. "I'll be out to see you soon, anyway," he said, "I
want to check Spock's physical condition:"
"Just let me know when you're coming," Kirk replied, "I plan on taking him on a
short camping trip some time soon - remember how he used to enjoy it?"
"Right, I'll let you know. It certainly won't be for a week or so - I have a
pretty heavy schedule just now. Bye Jim - take care."
"Bye, Bones." Kirk climbed into his aircar and took off, aware of an intense
expectancy - he had not thought that one night away from Spock would be so -
frustrating.
As he flew he allowed his mind to dwell lovingly on Spock, and from that to the
thought of the welcome he would receive. Almost at once a sweet warmth began to
spread from his groin, suffusing his entire body with a tingling glow; he
licked his lips in unconscious anticipation, and increased his speed.
The nurse was waiting to depart when he landed; Kirk was grateful for the
shadows to hide the physical evidence of his growing sexual excitement. "How is
he?" he asked, as he escorted the nurse to her own vehicle.
"Asleep Mr. Kirk. He was very quiet all day, missing you, I think. He seemed
tired, so I told him that if he tried to sleep, you would probably he here when
he woke up."
"Thank you, Nurse. Goodnight."
As soon as she'd left, Kirk hurried into the house, heading directly for
Spock's room. Moving very quietly he crossed to sit on the bed, and leaned
forward to study Spock's sleeping face lovingly.
Bright moonlight flooded the room tonight, revealing the beloved face clearly.
Kirk drank in the sight of ihe finely-carved features, the delicate slanting
eyebrows, the exquisite curves of the elegant ears, his gaze lingering on the
firm, tender lips - only he knew how soft, how yielding they could be.
Filled with a sudden hunger for the taste of that delicious mouth, Kirk leaned
forward and pressed his lips to Spock's, his tongue running caressingly around
their curves, teasing them apart to slide into the moist heat of the alien
mouth. For a moment he revelled in the sensation, savouring the unique, spicy
warmth of the kiss, until some... change... in the quality of Spock's response
reached his bemused mind and he drew back, looking down questnioningly.
The dark fathomless eyes gazed back at him, clear and lucid, studying him with
what was almost a detached curiosity; and then Kirk knew...
"Spock!" he gasped. "You... it's really you... you remember!"
"Yes," the Vulcan replied calmly.
Kirk suddenly shrank back, one hand pressed to his mouth, his hazel eyes
widened with horrified realisation. Spock knew! He knew what Kirk had done to
him... how he had been used, how his - trust - had been betrayed! Somehow, Kirk
broke that compelling gaze. With a low, desolate wail of shame and anguish, he
rose from the bed and ran... ran in blind, stumbling panic, ran from the scene
of his 'treachery', from his beloved victim, from his impossible happiness, out
into the clear moonlight, seeking somewhere - anywhere - to hide his guilt. He
ran until he could run no further, driven by the demons of shame and self-
disgust. Then he collapsed onto the ground, his body wracked by a terrible,
agonised weeping.
When he had sobbed himself into near exhaustion, Kirk lay still for a few
moments, then raised his head and look around dully. What could he do now?
Where could he go? Spock would surely denounce him... Even if, in memory of
their old friendship, the Vulcan spared him public disgrace, Kirk knew he could
not bear to meet those accusing eyes. There was comfort at least in the
knowledge that Spock had recovered... but, he Kirk, had lost everything...
In his shamed confusion, he wanted only to vanish, not to think, not to feel,
not to remember... There was only one sure way... He knew where he was now;
there was a high cliff not far away... it could be called an accident.
McCoy need never know!
Slowly he rolled over, prepared to get up - then knelt, frozen in shock and
fear... A few yards away, Spock sat on the grass, regarding him
expressionlessly. He could make no move as the Vulcan rose and came towards
him. His mind was totally numb, incapable of thought; even when the warm
fingers clasped his temples he could make no effort at resistance, submitted
passively as the diamond-hard probe of the Vulcan's mind touched his... seeking
out his shamed memories of the last few weeks, seeing every horrible detail of
Kirk's guilty passion. Yet... even under that merciless inquisition, even
though he acknowledged his guilt... one part of Kirk's mind refused to dwell on
the horror... remembering only how good it had been!
He was released at last, and sank back on his heels, waiting with bowed head
for his friend's judgment.
"Look at me." The voice was calm, ccmpletely emotionless. Obediently he looked
up. I
t was easier than he had expected to meet those dark eyes - for they conveyed
nothing! "You will return to your room, and wait for me," the Vulcan said. "For
what you have done, there must be punishment. I will consider what it is best
to do... You have a debt to pay, James Kirk. Obey me."
"Yes," Kirk said obediently and, rising, he began to walk back to the house. It
was too late now to avoid this, he was in Spock's hands, and must submit to
whatever punishment the Vulcan decreed.
***
Kirk sat in his room, his hands twisting nervously, his mind filled only with a
numb apprehension. Spock had seemed calm... but he had seen, once before, how
that ice-cold serenity could explode into terrifying violence... Would that
fury be unleashed on him, now?
Slowly, apprehension gave way to acceptance. He had abused Spock shamefully,
had degraded both the Vulcan and himself by indulging his selfish lust; yes, he
was resigned to the fact that he had lost any right to mercy, that Spock was
entitled to punish him as he chose. There was nothing he could say in
mitigation... indeed, he almost welcomed the prospect of his friend's anger as
the expiation of his guilt.
Absorbed in his thoughts, he started as the door opened quietly, the light
snapped on, and Spock stood regarding him from the threshold. He rose as the
Vulcan entered and stood, head lowered. There was silence for a long time.
"James Kirk, you have betrayed your trust." The level voice came very quietly.
"You used your position of authority to abuse one who was utterly dependent on
you. By your actions you have disgraced yourself shamefully, and are guilty of
a criminal offence which carries severe legal penalties. Do you admit your
guilt?"
"I do," Kirk's voice was low.
A firm hand raised his chin and the ruthless eyes looked searchingly into his;
Kirk caught his breath at their expression. Spock looked almost insane with
rage, his wild eyes a shocking contrast to the quiet voice. Kirk could not meet
the accusing gaze and coloured painfully.
"The law demands that I denounce you," the Vulcan continued in that unnaturally
controlled tone, "but I can see no useful purpose to be served by your public
disgrace. You are unlikely to have the opportunity to repeat the offence, and I
would find it... distasteful... to accuse you openly, to have the curious
learn... what you did to me!" He paused. "Yet there must be punishment; your
own conscience, and my pride, demand it! Are you prepared to leave the manner
of it in my hands?"
"Yes, Spock." Kirk's colour deepened. "I... hurt you... it is only right that
you should be the one to punish me. I will submit without protest."
"Good." The Vulcan came closer and Kirk instinctively flinched, anticipating a
blow, but Spock's hands caught the neck of his shirt and ripped it away.
Relentless hands stripped away the remainder of his clothing, and when he was
at last able to focus he saw Spock leaning over him, a long slim-bladed knife
flashed in the Vulcan's hand. Despite his promise to be submissive, Kirk
shivered as the wicked point was pressed into his groin, drawing blood; then
Spock smiled - unpleasantly, and tossed the knife away. "I considered that
punishment," he said. "It would be fitting - to remove the cause of the offence
- but I have a more... interesting... revenge in mind."
Looking up at the tall, dominant figure, Kirk realised the enormity of his
offence. This was no gentle, understanding half-human. This was Spock...
descendent of a thousand generations of Vulcan warriors, fiercely proud, with
all the savagery his race had controlled for so long. With a shock Kirk also
realised that the Vulcan was naked and sexually aroused... and he knew then
what his punishment would be. Spock would use him as selfishly as he had used
Spock!
The hungry eyes devoured. his cowering body, confirming his guess even before
the Vulcan spoke.
"You will admit, it is a just punishment, James Kirk. I will use your body as
you used mine. If you resist, I will enforce your submission."
But I love you! Kirk cried soundlessly. That's the missing factor in your
equation, Spock.
The Vulcan sat down on the bed and reached out, arranging Kirk's body so that
the human was totally exposed to his gaze, then with slow deliberation he began
to run his hands over Kirk's skin, carefully noting his reaction to each touch.
Kirk's body, accustomed to this man's caress, betrayed him now end he crimsoned
with shame as his body arched in compulsive response.
There was no gentleness in the caress; where a reaction seemed slow in coming
the Vulcan probed harder, producing the response he wanted by pain. His fingers
pinched Kirk's nipples, and the human instinctively twisted away from the
stinging pain,
"Be still!" He pinched again, and Kirk felt his nipples hardening under the
warm fingers.
As though to indicate that he was only interested in a sexual response, the
warm hands moved at once to the Human's groin, wrenching his legs apart with
brutal impatience. The soft, tender skin of his inner thighs was pinched and
prodded, raising bruises on the sensitive flesh; his penis and testicles were
examined carefully, the warmth of the Vulcan's hand producing an involuntary
erection despite the Human's discomfort. Spock seemed interested in the effect;
closing his hand about the shaft he began to pump slowly, quickening the motion
as Kirk's erection grew, only to slow and stop just as he was on the point of
orgasm... Kirk moaned softly in frustration, unable to prevent his hips from
thrusting forward, but Spock ignored him; instead he climbed onto the bed to
kneel beside Kirk, then grasping his own organ he began to rub it against
Kirk's lips.
"As I have cause to know, you are skilled in this form of stimulation," he said
harshly. "Serve me!"
Obediently, Kirk opened his mouth, accepting the swollen flesh and began to
suck. He could sense that Spock was deliberately controlling his response,
forcing the Human to greater efforts to produce the desired result. Kirk was
overwhelmed with misery as his tongue coiled caressingly around the throbbing
head, contrasting this loveless lust with the last time he had done his. The
joyous affection with which he had drawn Spock into his mouth was missing, not
even wanted by the man who dominated him now.
At last Spock ended the miserable travesty; his hands held Kirk's head still
while he began to move his hips, thrusting deep into the Human's throat. Kirk
fought for breath as the flood of semen filled his mouth, but the restless
hands entwined savagely in his hair, pressing his face into Spock's jerking
body. Then he was released, and flung contemptuously back onto the pillows
where he lay ohoking, his face flushed, wet with a mixture of sweat and tears.
The harsh breathing steadied, and he reached again for the Human, turning him
face downwards, spreading his legs uncomfortably wide. The hands explored him
again, travelling in long, sweeping strokes across his shoulders, down his
back, over his thighs, before coming to rest on his buttocks. Spock began to
squeeze the soft mounds of flesh, his fingers digging deep, then he used his
thumbs to open the cleft, revealing the entrance to Kirk's body.
He remained still for a moment, then Kirk shuddered as a finger was inerted,
moving into him with a quick thrust. It withdrew, and was joined by another,
pressing deeper. Kirk tried to squirm away from the insertion, but was held too
securely; the movement only hurt him, and he tried to lie still in order to
minimise the pain. There was no mercy for him however, and the hand moved,
twisting into him, burrowing deeper. In helpless response his body arched to
the stimulation and he pressed back against Spock, offering himself to the
probing fingers.
Spock withdrew at last, and turned the Human onto his back again. Kirk lay
trembling, fully and helplessly aroused, desperate for possession. With a
savage smile of triumph, Spock reached for the quivering thighs and spread
Kirk's legs so that he could kneel between them, effortlessly lifting them to
his shoulders, his hand curled around his penis and he leaned forward, pressing
the swollen tip against the entrance to Kirk's body. He used no lubricant, and
made no attempt at a gentle, careful insertion but lunged forward, forcing his
way through fear-tight muscles. Kirk screamed uncontrollably, his spine arching
in a spasm of agony that only drove the impaling flesh deeper inside him. As
Spock began to thrust, fire ran along his tortured nerves, devouring him,
filling him with pain and a hideous, twisted pleasure, so mingled that even he
was uncertain if he moaned in agony, or in ultimate ecstasy. He clung to the
lean body, wanting it to stop... wanting more... his body an aching void of
yearning as he writhed submissively, willing to give Spock whatever he might
demand of him.
The Vulcan suddenly leaned forward athletically without breaking his rhythem,
and sought Kirk's mouth, his tongue thrusting deep in a fiercely possessive
kiss. He drove Kirk relentlessly, literately delaying his climax, forcing his
way deeper into the Human's flesh until Kirk was certain he was being torn
apart, that Spock fully intended to kill him with the violence of his lust.
The pressure of Spock's body on his penis triggered the Human's orgasm, his
convulsive writhings only serving to increase the force of the hard flesh
ramming into him. Spock groaned against his mouth, reaching between their
bodies to grasp Kirk's penis, pumping savagely to arouse him again, his fingers
exerting a painful pressure that was strangely exciting. He forced Kirk's mouth
open even wider, sucking on the human's tongue avidly, moaning deep in his
throat as he felt Kirk's penis swell again in his hand. He moved rapidly then,
milking the Human to orgasm as his own body convulsed, his semen spurting into
the abused body beneath him. Kirk screamed again as he thrashed violently,
tears spilling helplessly from his eyes... then he gave a low sob of despair at
the realisation that, despite the climax, Spock's organ was still embedded in
his flesh, was still hard, was already beginning to move again.
"Please, I can't... not so soon," he begged wretchedly, but Spock only laughed
at him.
"You will submit," he said, "You will submit... and you will respond."
Kirk's further protests were muffled into silence by the possessive mouth that
captured his again, and the merciless pounding resumed again, tearing into
already bruised flesh; Spock's sharp nails tore at his back, then slid down to
his hips as the Vulcan gripped Kirk's buttocks to force himself deeper - his
next climax came swiftly, and there was a moment's respite for the Human as he
withdrew and knelt for a moment to regain his breath.
The respite was brief, however; then Spock reached for Kirk again, turned him
over, and forced him to his knees; the Human braced his arms against the bed,
trembling as relentless fingers parted his buttocks.
"Please... no," Kirk moaned again, but was ignored; Spock forced his swollen
organ into Kirk again, and his hands slid round to masturbate him in rhythm
with the savage thrusting. His free hand caught in the Human's hair, pulling
his head back so that his upper body arched uncomfortably; sharp teeth bit
deep, worrying at the soft flesh of the Human's throat and shoulder.
This time, when Spock withdrew, his mental force slammed into the Human's mind,
commanding him to remain on his knees; Kirk watched as the Vulcan stretched
then lay on his back, studying his helpless victim; he smiled, enjoying Kirk's
response to that scrutiny... seeing in the Human's mind, the shamed awareness
that as long as strength remained he could not help responding to the use that
was made of him.
Kirk felt the mind touch again, and moved wearily to obey the mental command.
He sat astride Spock's thighs and moved forward until he could feel the
insistent pressure against his buttocks. Relentless hands guided him into
position, opened his body, and he was forced to impale himself on the waiting
shaft. His own weight drove the rigid flesh deep inside him, and he sobbed with
a mixture of pain and shamed delight, certain that he was being torn apart...
that his body would not admit the swollen organ so far. The slightest movement
hurt him, and he tried to remain motionless as Spock's hands reached for his
own penis. He had himself taught the Vulcan how to masturbate him almost
indefinitely, denying him release until he was frantic; Spock employed this
technique now, watching avidly as Kirk writhed against his hands, seeking a
release that was promised, then tantalisingly postponed. Kirk moaned hoarsely,
his frantic squirmings only driving the impaling organ deeper into his own
body. In desperation he tried to pull away, but was too weak - helplessly he
sank down again, his buttocks pressing into Spock's groin; the long fingers
moved faster, milking him and the Vulcan began to thrust, his hips arching
upwards as he pounded into Kirk.
The Human cried out and the convulsions of his climax triggered Spock's as he
fell forward across the Vulcan's chest, utterly exhausted.
Spock turned to lie on top of Kirk; he bit savagely at the Human's nipples,
throat, shoulders, and then forcing Kirk's aching thighs even further apart, he
pushed his knees to his chest and resumed his onslaught.
The merciless cycle continued, although for most of the time Kirk was scarcely
conscious. He sprawled limply, offering no resistance, his inert body assuming
whatever position Spock decreed for him. He was incapable of resentment,
accepting the Vulcan's treatment as his just punishment. But deep inside he
wept bitter tears for the love he still cherished for the man who violated him;
despite everything, he would always love Spock...
He must hage fainted eventually, for when he next became aware of what was
happening, he realised that Spock was slowly withdrawing from his body; there
was movement, and a hand fastened painfully in his hair, pulling him to his
knees.
"Look at yourself:"
Obeying the harsh command, Kirk opened his eyes, swaying in exhaustion,
supported only by the grip on his hair. He at last saw himself reflected in the
dressing mirror across the room, and his eyes widened in horror.
His lips were bruised and swollen, bleeding from bites he could not remember
being inflicted; deep scratches furrowed his chest, and the marks of teeth
showed distinctly around his nipples; blood trickled from between his legs,
mingling with the semen that glistened on his thighs and belly. Pain dominated
him utterly, his jaw ached from the length of time his mouth had been forced
open, the bites stung sharply, and there was a dull, sick agony deep inside
him. Even as he stared, the harsh voice came again.
"Remember that I did this to you."
Too exhausted even to speak, Kirk lowered his head, acknowledging silently that
he deserved this bitter punishment. He had taken Spock lovingly, but the Vulcan
could not know that... this hideous perversion of the act of love no doubt
seemed to him... a fitting revenge.
As Kirk knelt Spock released his grip, and he collapsed onto the bed, fighting
a wave of nausea that swept over him. Somewhere very far away a voice spoke,
calm and passionless as a judge.
"The punishment is ended... let there now be atonement."
He heard the sound of retreating footsteps and tried to move, but was too weak
even to open his eyes. Tears slipped from under his eyelids, and he wondered
what would become of him now. Spock had spoken of atonement... Was the Vulcan
satisfied with his vengeance, and would he now be discarded, left alone to live
with the memory of what had been done to him? With the memory of Spock's
contempt and disgust?... or - and a perverse hope leapt in him - would there be
more? The Vulcan had never been sexually active before his illness - indeed,,as
Kirk well knew, he had been a virgin. Now his sensuality had been awakened, his
body had learned to enjoy and demand sexual satisfaction. Perhaps... perhaps he
would keep the Human as a bedmate, a living toy to satisfy his need, the hunger
that had been aroused in him... Using his flesh, but desiring nothing more?
Perhaps; it would be worth it, Kirk thought, if it meant that he would be able
to continue to share some small part of Spock's life. The Vulcan would find him
a submissive and obedient bedmate... Put it was not his decision - the choice
would be Spock's, and Kirk knew that whatever the Vulcan decided to do with
him, he would accept it without complaint.
***
Part III - Atonement.
An eternity later, Kirk thought he felt the light, delicate touch of gentle
hands smoothing his hair, stroking his tear-stained cheeks. He dismissed the
notion as absurd - who would touch him like that now? But there was no
mistaking when, a few minutes later a strong arm encircled his shoulders,
lifting him into a sitting position, and a glass was held to his lips. "Drink."
a soft voice commanded, and he obeyed, gulping thirstily until the glass was
removed. "Enough for the moment," the voice continued, in the sane gentle tone
it had used before. Kirk was puzzled; it sounded like Spock... Nervously he
looked up to meet glowing eyes regarding him with so much affection in their
dark depths that he could only stare blankly.
"Spock," he sighed at last through swollen lips, "Please, don't hurt me
again... not yet... "
Arms enfolded him securely, cradling his head, warm lips brushed his cheek. "I
will not hurt you," Spock promised, "never again... I hated to do it, but it
was necessary. When you are stronger, I will explain."
Kirk was pressed back onto the bed, and Spock began to wash him, gently
cleansing the blood and sweat, smearing salve onto his injuries. Even his hair
was brushed to shining smoothness, and he lay revelling in the gentle
ministrations. Then he was lifted into a chair for a moment, before being
returned to the freshly-made bed... the cool sheets comfortable against his
skin. He lay watching the Vulcan with sleepy eyes as he tidied the room. At
last Spock came to sit on the bed, reaching out to touch Kirk's flushed face
with gentle fingers.
"Sleep now," he ordered softly.
"Yes." Kirk closed his eyes obediently, then opened them again. "You're not...
angry any more?"
The long fingers slid through his hair. "No. I'm not angry - I never was." the
Vulcan leaned closer, brushed his lips to Kirk's, travelled lightly over his
face to close the wide eyes with a soft kiss. "Sleep, Jim."
                                      ***
By morning Kirk was running & slight fever, induced by his injuries, the ordeal
and the shock to his nervous system. He lay helplessly, too weak even to speak,
aware that Spock was caring for him with a tenderness he could hardly believe.
All trace of the violent, lusting savage who had abused him so cruelly had
vanished; in his place was... not Spock, as Kirk had know him, but the Spock of
his most seoret dreams... loving, gentle, tender. As he drifted in and out of a
hazy, pleasant, half-sleeping world caressing hands bathed his fever flushed
skin, changed his bedding so that he lay always on cool, clean sheets, held to
his lips some delicious drink that quenched his raging thirst. He revelled in
the touch of those hands as they petted, soothed and stroked him into a
blissful contentment, watched avidly the beloved face that bent over him, soft
with tender affection... listened to and obeyed the quiet, loving voice that
spoke to him. If this was a fever dream, he prayed that he would never wake
from it, to face again the harsh disgust and loathing... or even the Vulcan's
ice-cool reserve, after this gentle caring, would be more than he could bear!
The fever broke at last, and Kirk slept peacefully, dreamlessly, through the
long afternoon of the summer day. He woke as the setting sun filled the room
with golden light, to blink sleepy, puzzled eyes at the Vulcan who stood
watchfully by the bed.
"How do you feel, Jim?"
"Better... I... " Kirk tried to sit up, but fell back almost at once,
astonished at his own weakness.
Spock moved quickly. "Take care - you are still very weak from the fever." He
sat on the bed, lifted Kirk gently, and pulled him to lie across his lap, so
that he rested against Spock's chest, his head on the strong shoulder.
For a time he lay still, enjoying the luxury of just being so close to Spock,
of being held so comfortingly in those powerful arms. His hands gripped the
material of Spock's shirt, and he was conscious of the warm, spicy smell o£ the
Vulcan's skin... This in turn reminded him of the taste of Spock's mouth, and
at last he said hesitantly,
"Spock, why are you being so... so good to me, after I... betrayed you? You
hurt me... and I deserved it, I admit, but now...?"
The Vulcan ran one finger gently over Kirk's lips; the caress made the human
tremble.
"Jim, I ask forgiveness. You will never know what it cost me to use you so."
"Then... why?"
Spock sighed deeply, and tightened his arms around Kirk. "I remember
everything," he began slowly, "When my memory returned, I did not forget...
what we had done; and I was happy, Jim. Can you understand that? I knew that
you loved me, and at last I could show you the love I have cherished for you
all these years, when my pride and my shyness made me keep silent... Afraid I
would disgust you if I confessed my... my feelings. Therefore, I longed for you
to return, so that I might tell you... You came to me at last... I had
planned... that we should have a night together so that you might know that I
consented willingly, before I told you. But... but you learned too soon, and
fled from me in your shame! Jim, do you remember when I found you, I touched
your mind? You were almost insane with fear and shame, believing yourself to be
despicable because you had taken advantage of my helplessness. I could not
reach you, even with my love - guilt was destroying you, and the precious love
we could share. So bitterly did you condemn yourself, that I saw that you would
not accept my love if I offered it - you were obsessed with the need to be
punished for what you saw as
your crime against me. So... so I gambled, Jim, for the first time in my
life... I made myself equally guilty with you! You took advantage of my
dependence on you to seduce me. I used my physical strength to force you!"
"No, Spock." Kirk shook his head despairingly. "It's... I knew I was doing
wrong. I seduced you when you couldn't refuse me; you say you touched my mind,
so you know that I'd accept anything from you, because I love you. Can't you
see the difference?"
"I cannot. But if you need further reassurance... Jim, it was only what you did
to me that restored my mind. The intensity of your emotions, your guilt, your
shame... your love... reached me through defensive barriers so strong that even
I could not break them. If you hadn't come to me as you did, I would still be a
prisoner, without hope of release. Jim, I beg you - forgive yourself, and come
back to me."
Kirk clung tighter, unable to believe he was being offered what he most wanted.
"But I betrayed you, dishonoured you," he whispered, "How can I forget that?
How can you?"
Spock closed his eyes for a moment, then looked directly at Kirk.
"Very well then," he said tonelessly, "if you are determined to punish
yourself, you must punish me also."
"I don't understand," Kirk faltered.
"I took more than your body Jim, I took your mind. Knowing how much I needed
you, and fearing your ruthless conscience... I entered your mind and bound you
to me. Your emotions are mine now - if you hurt yourself, you hurt me. You
cannot escape me, Jim; you are mine, and if you try to leave me your mind and
body will give you no peace until you return - and I will take you!" His lips
pressed Kirk's temple in a gentle kiss. "You accuse yourself of raping my body,
because I could not consent. I raped your mind, Jim - tell me - which is the
greater crime?"
Kirk's eyes widened. "you wanted me... that much?" he asked faintly.
"Yes. You are mine, Jim, as I am yours. Knowing how much I love you, need you,
want you... will you try and leave me now? You taught me the joy of love - do
not teach me its pain,"
Kirk raised a hand to Spock's cheek, feeling with wonder the tears that slipped
from the dark eyes. "I love you too," he whispered,
"That is all I ask," Spock answered simply, and bent his head to Kirk's lips.
For a long time they simply clung together in silence, then Spock took Kirk's
hand and placed it on his face, his own fingers caressed the human's trembling
lips, and their minds moved together.
There were no words, Kirk thought dazedly, to describe the closeness of the
meld; and none were needed. Without reservation each gave his mind wholly to
the other, and the wonder of their love dawned on them like the rising sun.
They laughed joyously at the timid, frightened creatures they had been only
moments ago - this love could not falter, could not be tainted by selfishness.
They were together, mind, body and spirit, so closely linked that even their
flesh seemed to melt together, merge into one ecstatic, loving entity. Guilt
and shame were seen to be irrelevancies now, for all that they had done had
been motivated by that ail-pervading love; its power was truly all-conquering,
annihilating Kirk's guilt as completely as Spock's reserve, destroying
everything that stood in its path, driving them remorselessly together.
Understanding at last, they drew back into their own minds and looked at each
other a little shyly; but now deep in the mind of each was a gentle warming
glow that was the essence of the other,
With a sleepy murnur of thankfulness Kirk nestled closer to his friend, utterly
content as the strong arms enfolded him, then, safe and secure in each other's
arms, they slept.
***
The next few days passed quietly, blissfully, as Kirk and Spock explored the
full wonder of the love they had found. It was a time of discovery for the
Vulcan no less than for the Human, for Spock had never been this close to
another before - the link he had with T'Pring had been merely a preparation for
Pon Farr, and they had never shared thoughts. For someone who had always been
different, set apart by his mixed blood, it was a new and delightful wonder to
belong so completely to another. To sink into what he now recognised had been
the sterile isolation of his own precise mind, only to find Kirk there, a warm,
welcoming. loving presence.
As for Kirk. He could only contemplate the wonder of the love he found in
Spock's mind, He had always known that his friend could feel, but only now did
he fully comprehend the anxious, loving, tender gentleness that reached cut to
surround him. In his own way Kirk too had been much alone; since his Mother's
death, Peter was his only close relative, and they rarely met. There were
friends of course, Bones, Scotty, many others - but the isolation and
responsibility of command had always set him a little apart... prevented him
from committing himself too deeply.
He had known love. Women who had shared his bed, his life, for a night or even
a few months, but the choice had always had to be made, and he had left them to
return to what he thought was his greatest love - the Enterprise! Now he
wondered if it was not in fact Spock who had drawn him away. He thought back,
substituting his friend's beloved face for those of the women he had left, and
knew with quiet certainty that it would always be, and had always been, Spock!
If the future of the Galaxy had rested with Spock's life or death, he would
have pulled the Vulcan from the truck's path without a second thought. If Spock
had come to him in android form, he would have killed Flint to win him, would
have taken him, loved him, disregarding the shell that held him - and if Spock
had lain dying in his arms on Miramanee's world, he would have rejected Bones'
aid and died with him at the foot of the obelisk.
In return, he received the same reassurances from Spock. The Vulcan would have
lived with him happily in the ice-caves of Sarpedon, would have taken and
cherished the reluctant hybrid if he had been permanently trapped in Janice
Lester's body; would have fought savagely to win him beneath Vulcan's blazing
sun, if he had stood in T'Pring's place and called challenge... having won him,
would have taken him!
Their committment to each other was final, absolute, they knew that now. They
could even survive what they had done to each other other, their love
strengthened by the realisation that each would fight, cheat, kill to keep the
other.
The longing to express their love in physical terms was almost overwhelming,
but for some days Spock resisted, imposing control on Kirk as well as himself.
The Human needed more time to recover from the savage assault he had endured;
and the Vulcan would not risk hurting him further. They confined their
lovemaking to slow, delicious kisses, gentle, tender caresses exchanged
lovingly. At night they slept in each other's arms, satisfied for the moment
with the closeness of their thoughts, revelling in the security they found in
each other's arms.
Then on the third morning, Spock tenderly kissed Kirk as he woke, and as the
dreaming hazel eyes smiled up at him, the Vulcan caught his breath at the love
that glowed there for him. His voice husky with pleasure he whispered,
"Tonight," and almost laughed aloud with joy at the naked anticipation that
sprang into Kirk's expressive eyes.
They did not hurry their day, but lingered, savouring its promise. When dusk
fell they retired indoors for dinner, which took the form of a picnic on the
rug in front of the fire. As he sipped his wine Kirk studied Spock's slim form
reminiscently, and could feel the Vulcan's eyes on his body, their appraising
glance having almost the effect of a physical caress. Unconsciously their hands
came together and clung. Kirk finally looked up, a question in his eyes.
"Your bed, Jim." The Vulcan ran his fingers softly over Kirk's mouth, producing
an ecstatic shiver. "I brought you pain there, now I wish to bring you
pleasure." Kirk smiled and rose, walking to his room without looking back,
fighting the temptation to tear off his clothes and hurl himself into Spock's
arms - they both wanted this to be gentle, a seal set on their love. After his
shower, Kirk studied himself in the mirror with a concentration he had never
before applied to his own body, wondering if Spock would find him 'pleasing' -
he was unused to considering whether a man's body was sexually attractive...
knowing only that the Vulcan's slender nakedness sent a thrill of anticipation
along his own nerves!
Donning a silky robe, Kirk returned to his room to wait for his lover; and to
occupy himself he turned down the bed and adjusted the lights so that it was
bathed in a soft glow of lamplight. He wanted to see, and be seen... then
retired to the window seat, trying to control his impatience.
At last the door opened and Spock entered without knocking; with a surge of
delight Kirk realised that they each had the right to do this now, there were
no secrets between them. His eyes devoured the tall, graceful figure, lingering
on the open neck of Spock's robe. Spock held out his hands and Kirk stood up,
placing his own trustingly within them. He was drawn close to his lover, and
felt the Vulcan's warm breath on his face as the glowing eyes captured his... .
"My friend, my beloved, my Bondmate... my T'hy'la," the Vulcan's voice was very
soft, "these you are to me through life and death. I forsake all others to hold
you. Do you accept me as your mate?"
"I do." Kirk's reply had all the solemnity of a vow. "I am yours, Spock - I
desire no other but you."
Spock's hand moved to his head, and Kirk copied the gesture as their minds
moved together, closer than their bodies could ever be. The Human could feel
the Vulcan's mind moving gently through his thoughts, deeper than any previous
meld, until it found the essence of his being and locked onto it firmly. With
wonder, he felt his own instinctive response as the fusion took place, the
bonding meld taking them, joining, changing them as that which had been
separate, apart, became truly one.
"It is done." He was not sure whether Spock had spoken aloud. "I am in you, and
you are in me, the Bond is now complete, and will link us however far apart we
may be."
Slowly, they moved apart, and the link held, warm and comforting; they looked
at each other, each knowing the pleasure his bondmate found in their union, and
they exchanged glad smiles. Then, with a low murmur they came together again,
locked in each other's arms. Kirk felt Spock's lips warm on his face and raised
his head, opening his lips pleadingly. Spock's mouth was very gentle as it
touched him, kissing him slowly and sweetly. In a strange sense it was their
first kiss, for it was the first time each had responded willingly, with full
awareness.
Kirk allowed his arms to slip from around Spock's neck, so that his hands were
free to reach between their bodies to unfasten their robes; Spock's fell open
first, and with an appreciative murmur Kirk ran his fingers through the soft
hair covering the Vulcan's chest. The sensation was so good he forgot his own
robe and began to explore further, his hand sliding down over the firm belly,
eagerly seeking the still-dormant flesh beneath.
As the cool Human fingers curled around his organ Spock broke the kiss and
pulled back to look down affectionately at Kirk's flushed, excited face. He
reached for the belt of Kirk's robe and unfastened it, pushing off his
shoulders; smiling as the Human released his grip only long enough to allow the
garment to fall away... then he captured the busy fingers, and drew Kirk's arms
around his neck.
"Hold me," he whispered; Kirk obeyed, nestling confidingly against Spock's
chest. He could feel the warm, gentle hands stroking his back in a slow
sensuous caress, travelling lower until they grasped the soft swell of his
buttocks. His own maleness, trapped between their bodies, began to swell and
harden as Spock pushed against him, at the same time squeezing his buttocks,
until the warmth and the exciting friction as the lean body rubbed against him
aroused Kirk to a quivering expectancy. There was no haste, no pain, no
compulsion this time... response was coaxed and caressed from him. It was never
forced. Spock's lips covered his upturned face with light, lingering kisses on
his eyelids, his cheeks, at the corner of his mouth, yet darting away when he
sought to capture them, but returning to continue their soft pressure. His mind
was swathed in a sensuous haze of pleasure, filled with the gentleness and
wonder of his friend's love, making him aware of how much the Vulcan wanted to
please him.
Suddenly his lips were taken, teased gently apart, and a probing tongue slid
into his mouth; the arms tightened, pressing him close and he felt the orgasm
surge through him, a sweet convulsion. He clung tightly, aware that he would
have fallen without that support, and was swung off his feet to be placed
carefully on the bed. The warm hands lingered, turning him, parting his legs;
when he looked up at last Spock was sitting on the edge of the bed watching him
with a curiously tender smile.
The bond was there, linking them, and colour flooded Kirk's pale cheeks as he
realised that he was completely exposed to Spock's gaze; the glowing eyes told
him without words how 'enticing' his lover found him, and with shy pride he
realised that the Vulcan's blood was on fire, with longing to possess the
beautiful body sprawled before him.
Kirk smiled, and sat up to brush Spock's lips with his own, then lay back,
sliding his hands teasingly down and along his thighs, watching the hunger that
leapt into the dark eyes as they followed the caress.
"Take me, Spock," he whispered invitingly. "I want you to love me... I want to
feel you inside me, to belong to you... "
The dark head bent slowly, and Kirk caught his breath as warm lips began to
trace a pattern of kisses over his body. Impatient now, he pulled Spock on top
of him and held him close.
"Love me," he begged.
It was so different this time. Spock's hands were gentle, caressing him into a
quivering readiness; there was no pain, only the delicious sensation of
yielding as the hard shaft was carefully sheathed in his body. He could feel it
pulsing gently inside him, and at last, in frustration, he began to move,
seeking to stimulate his lover into granting him release.
When Spock moved at last there was no violent thrusting, only a smooth rocking
rhythm that carried Kirk away to a mindless world of exquisite sensation that
seemed never ending. Their minds were totally joined so that he could share
Spock's delight in this utter unity, could feel the care the Vulcan was taking
to please him. And sharing a Vulcan mind, his own sensations were heightened so
that he could feel the tension building within Spock, and each spasm of the
Vulcan's climax was separate, distinot, as the warm flood of ejaculation filled
his body.
He was almost sobbing when Spock withdrew from him at last, but both knew they
were only tears of joy; he clung to his lover, feeling the comforting arms
cradling him close, marvelling that he should be so cherished, so adored by the
man who held him.
Gentle hands soothed and petted him, and he gave himself completely into the
loving care that surrounded him. Quiet at last, he lay in a sleepy contented
fulfilment; enjoying the feel of Spock's warm body pressed to his. Then deep
within his mind, he felt Spock move purposefully. He was as yet too unfamiliar
with the bond to follow what was happening, and was forced to ask, "Spock, what
are you. doing?"
A gentle glow of reassurance filled him as the Vulcan completed his task.
"I am establishing defensive screens in your mind Jim. At the moment you are
open to any telepath who chooses to reach you. I cannot permit that, and so I
am making certain that only I can touch your mind."
"Good. I don't want anyone else... but why's it so important to you?"
The Vulcan flushed a deeper green, and gathered Kirk close. "As you know,
physical chastity is demanded of the bondmate, but for a telepathic race, an
uncontaminated mind is equally important. You will find me an extremely
possessive mate, Jim... the idea of anyone else touching your mind is abhorrent
to me. However, the shields I have set in place cannot be breached without your
consent - though I, of course, can enter your mind at any time."
"I see." Kirk moved closer, running his fingers through Spock's dark hair. A
question stirred in his mind, but he dismissed it, knowing that the situation
would never arise. Spock however caught the thought, and smiled indulgently.
"Ask, Jim, you should know all that is involved in a bonding, even if it does
not apply in our case."
"Well, suppose... " Kirk hesitated, and dropped his hand to Spock's chest.
"Suppose I was unfaithful?"
The Vulcan's slim hand caressed Kirk's hip. "I would kill you," he said with
quiet seriousness, "and then myself. It is an impossible situation, however -
you are too much mine to endure the thought or feel of another's hands on your
body."
"And if I... couldn't help it?" Kirk demanded.
"If you were raped? Or drugged into compliance? As my bondmate, you are
entitled to the protection of Vulcan law, and my rights are clear. I would kill
the man, or woman, who so defiled you, then drive all memory of your violation
from you mind."
Kirk shivered, and Spock looked deep into the hazel eyes. "What troubles you?"
"It's... Well, you know what I am, Spock, what I ve always been! This love
we've found... Don't ever let me betray it."
"You never will." The Vulcan's voice held a certainty, a gentle arrogance that
made Kirk smile. "Yes, Jim, you have given your body thoughtlessly in the past,
but you never will again. Anyway, you will find that I can satisfy your every
need."
Spock bent his dark head, his tongue probing demandingly at Kirk's lips; they
parted and he took possession of the Human's mouth in a slow, sensual kiss that
sent tendrils of fire scorching along Kirk's nerves.
"Would you care to test my assertion?" he murmured, raising his head at last.
Kirk grinned. "You know I would," and he leaned upon one elbow, watching Spock
stretch, and lie down on his back, raising inviting arms.
"Come to me," he whispered. "Let me show you."
Kirk leaned over him, kissing the warm, eager lips, running his hand over the
firm chest. His fingers found and lingered over the nipples, teasing them
erect, ready for his hungry mouth. Shivering with impatience Kirk moved over
his lover like a hungry flame, kissing, licking, exploring the submissive body
offered for his pleasure, overwhelmed at the response he could win from that
controlled, supposedly frigid man. His hands moved in a tantalising
progression, each touch producing a gasp of pleasure from Spock, and he
revelled in the knowledge that with him at least his lover had lost his
shyness, was no longer afraid to reveal the sensual hunger that smouldered
within him. At last Kirk knelt, dizzy with passion, between the Vulcan's legs
and gazed down with triumph, Spock was writhing helplessly, inflamed almost
beyond endurance, begging abjectly to be possessed.
Kirk laughed, enjoying his power, and lifting the long legs to his shoulders,
slowly, carefully, began to insert himself into the willing body that lay open,
hungry to receive him. Spock groaned and arched upwards, driving himself onto
Kirk's rigid organ, his relaxed muscles allowing a swift, deep insertion; then
he clasped his legs around Kirk's waist and drew him close, so that they lay
locked together, unmoving. The link blazed in Kirk's mind; and he endured the
impossible ecstasy of feeling himself so deliciously buried into Spock, while
at the same time he was aware of the Vulcan's sensations as Kirk's swollen
penis throbbed gently within his body. He could feel Spock's penis against his
own belly, and began to rock gently, the pressure intensifying Spock's arousal
to an almost painful degree. The Vulcan began to move his hips, hoping to
stimulate Kirk into thrusting, but the Human only smiled and clung, moving only
with the Vulcan, but remaining perfectly still inside him.
At last, the Vulcan acknowledged defeat and looked up at Kirk, gasping for
breath, "Please... take me... " he begged hoarsely. "Jim... I cannot endure...
" His pleading ended in a groan of pleasure as Kirk, taking him by surprise,
began to thrust into him, withdrawing almost completely, only to plunge deeper
at each stroke. Once more the link served them as Spock helped Kirk to control
his own climax so that they could prolong their pleasure to an extent the Human
would have never believed possible.
Sweat ran down Kirk's face as he laboured over his lover, fiercely determined
to give Spock the same rapture he had known; he could feel the Vulcan's muscles
working, yielding before him as he drove into the slim body, contracting around
him as he withdrew. At last, Kirk could restrain himself no longer, and plunged
deeply forward, hearing the Vulcan's groan of anguished delight as he moved
frantically beneath him; their bodies convulsed in climax, and Kirk felt his
semen flooding into his lover, and felt in turn Spock's ejaculation against his
belly.
The release of tension left him drained, exhausted, with only strength enough
to cradle the dark head against his chest. He could not even withdraw from the
warm haven of the Vulcan's flesh. They lay together, the only movement the slow
loving caress of human and Vulcan hands on skin, until their breathing slowed
and steadied, and Spock looked up with triumph.
"Do you desire a woman now, Jim?"
"After that?" Kirk's arms tightened possesively, a lump forming in his throat
at the naked adoration in the beautiful dark velvet eyes that looked up at him.
"No woman could give me such pleasure Spock... And besides, a woman couldn't
take me, as you do... the thought of never having you inside me again would
drive me mad," he confessed.
"as I said," the Vulcan smiled complacently, "I have no doubts of your fidelity
T'hy'la."
"You smug bastard," Kirk said lovingly, turning his head to press his lips to
Spock's temple. The movement caused his own limp organ to slide from Spock's
body, and he groaned in disappointment.
"I wanted us to sleep locked together," he said with a sad grin.
"That would be... pleasant," Spock agreed, "but you do not possess the
necessary Vulcan muscular control... so for now!" He turned Kirk onto his
stomach, entered him gently, then rolled over onto his side again, drawing the
human with him, so that he could hold him close like spoons; within his body
Kirk felt Spock's penis swell to its fullest extent, then harden and become
rigid.
"I have locked my muscles so that I cannot slip out of your body," Spock
informed him, reaching down to curl his fingers gently around Kirk's penis.
"Jim as we sleep, hold me... your touch, brings me peace."
Kirk smiled, and settled back against the firm chest, shivering with delight as
warm lips caressed his shoulder. His fingers played gently with the long
fingers that held his own maleness, and they lay drifting in a glow of warm
sensual contentment. Their linked minds moved lazily together, acknowledging
the problems, the decisions yet to be made, but postponing them; at this moment
all that mattered was the closeness of their minds and bodies. The future was
hazy, remote, but not to be feared, for whatever it brought, nothing could now
divide them.
End Notes
     Child sex is always wrong, but I've often wondered. If someone was
     brain damaged but aware they had loved, would it be right to deny
     them the expression of that love? This story. was meant as an
     exploration of that problem
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