Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12875970.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Fallout_3, Fallout_(Video_Games)
  Relationship:
      Butch_DeLoria/Male_Lone_Wanderer
  Character:
      Butch_DeLoria, James_(Fallout), Amata_Almodovar, Other(s)
  Additional Tags:
      Homophobia, Internalized_Homophobia, Depression, Implied/Referenced_Self-
      Harm, Suicide_Attempt, Gay_Male_Character, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Trans
      Character, Transgender
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-12-01 Updated: 2018-02-08 Chapters: 6/15 Words: 6950
****** Crazy, He Calls Me ******
by Ridin_ben_solo
Summary
     Marley loves Butch, and he just wants to be loved by that greasy
     bastard. But the Capital Wasteland has different plans
Notes
     The timeline is gonna go back and forth so be prepared, children
***** Wasteland Blues *****
I sat at the bar in Rivet City, feeling and looking like a disaster waiting to
happen, my face tear stained and puffy. I had just come out of a coma, and just
heard the news about the clean water the Capital Wasteland had thanks to my
‘sacrifice.’
What sacrifice?
My sanity? My health? Was it even fucking worth it?
Another drink.
I almost died giving this trash hole of a wasteland fresh water, and what do I
get? A pat on the back and free alcohol. The alcohol wasn’t so bad, but it just
wasn’t worth chasing my asshole of a father around the Capital Wasteland,
losing an arm, and having no earthly fucking idea what happened to my
boyfriend.
Another drink.
I felt like screaming. Everything hurt. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I had lost everyone and everything I ever cared about. Well… except Dogmeat who
was asleep at my feet.
In a way, Dogmeat calmed me with the way he would brush against my hand or hive
in a soft nudge when he knew I was going to break down. He was a good boy.
Butch used to do that for me. He'd grab my hand (When it was there) and squeeze
it when I was on the verge of falling apart. What was funny was, even after he
left me in that house, I still felt him holding my hand. His hand was calloused
and rough. His olive skin making me look paler than I already was. But now,
thanks to Colonel. Fucking. Autumn, the feeling was gone. From the elbow down,
was nothing. Just a stub of mangled flesh stitched together.
Another drink
As a kid, I never had low self esteem. Even when Butch and his boys slammed my
head against desks and called me every name in the book. But now, I couldn't
stand the way people looked at me. It made me feel like an outcast. Like some
wounded dog that everyone just passed and looked upon with pity. It made me
chuckled half heartedly how a simple look had more impact than a swift kick in
the jaw.
Another drink.
I was tired and ready to go to bed, and tired of being stared at. So, I made an
attempt to get up from my bar stool and fell over. I felt light headed and off
balance. I was never much of a drinker, and even though I tried to see if it
actually worked, it didn't. It just made me feel worse.
Belle Bonny quickly ran around the corner to help me. Dogmeat attempted to
nudge me up to a sitting position “Marley! I told you you would regret drinking
so much! Let me-,” Belle began, reaching out to help me up before I smacked her
hand away “Don't touch me! I can do it myself!” I growled.
Now, I was never a mean person. Ever. I had always had a big heart, but It felt
like I was just an empty shell of what I once was. And because of this, Belle
left me on the floor. It was dirty and smelled like piss and blood. I managed
to hoist myself up on the bar with my good arm and head to the stairs. The
commotion only made people stare more.
I left the bar and made my way up to my room with Dogmeat hot on my tail. When
I entered, I just stood in the door. The place was too clean. You wouldn't
believe it, but Butch liked it that way. Tidy and organized. His barber tools
were gone. I assumed maybe he had stopped by and grabbed them. I then got the
idea to check his side of the dresser to see if his clothes were there.
Gone.
His hair products and comb in the bathroom,
Gone.
Even the picture we had taken back in Vault 101 when we first started dating,
Gone.
So, he held true to his promise. I went through with the Brotherhood’s plan,
and he left. At the time, I was scared and confused, though I owed it to the
people to give them clean water.
But what have the people done for me except use me as an errand boy? Not shit.
So, in summary, I lost everything because my father couldn't follow simple
fucking rules and got nothing in return for saving him! Or at least… doing my
best.
I stood from my bed and walked to my desk. I stared at for a second it before
swiping everything off of it. I threw anything I could reach, broke everything
that could break, bent everything I could bend, and screamed as loud as I could
scream. I pulled at my hair and punched the wall until my hand went bloody and
numb.
Dogmeat hid under the bed the whole time. Not because i would hit him or
anything, but he knew when I broke down there was nothing he could do but stay
out of the way of my chaos. I felt bad for him. He had done nothing but be a
loyal, trusting companion, and all I was was a ticking time bomb of depression
and anger he had to babysit.
Eventually, I became exhausted and felt onto the bed, crying into Butch’s
pillow. It was soft and smelled like aftershave and pomade. This made me cry
harder. But suddenly my tears were silenced by heavy footsteps, the sound of a
switchblade being open and shut over and over, and the smooth familiar voice,
“You done bein’ a psychopath, Dollface?”
***** Vault Secrets *****
Chapter Summary
     Just a bit about how they started dating.
Chapter Notes
     I'm gonna start doing music lyrics in chapters, not in this one, but
     most likely from now one coz thats my muse
Vault 101 was never home to me. It was a cage. It was a disgusting pig pen of
gossip. When I came out as gay to my father, everyone ended up knowing within
an hour. It sickened me how he could do that to me, and that was the first time
I really felt hatred towards him.
And of course, the one person I didn't want to know found out,
Butch Deloria.
I remember he and his boys, the Tunnel Snakes as they liked to call themselves,
came into the diner where I worked as a fry cook. As soon as I saw them, I
began to sweat. I briefly remember telling Amata on my tenth birthday I wanted
a date with the gang leader (even though they weren't even a gang back then,
just a small group of prepubescent misfits)
Amata wouldn't rat me out? Would she?
They all sat at the counter, talking about how Paul Hannon Jr., the other
Tunnel Snake had scored with Christine Kendall earlier that week. No surprise
there. I made my way over and pulled out my notepad “Can I get you anything
today, boys?” I said in my nicest voice possible. It was late and I didn't
really want any trouble at the moment.
To my surprise, Wally Mack, second in command Tunnel Snake, spoke first “I
dunno.meat sounds good. You like meat right, faggot? What's the best kind?
Thick and juicy, or skinny and long?” he teased with a malicious grin. Paul
gave a fake laugh just to make Wally think he agreed with his words, and Butch
just let out a huff of air. The Serpent King was being surprisingly quiet at
the moment. I expected him to laugh the loudest to be honest.
When their laughter died down, Wally’s grin disappeared “2 burgers and 3 Nuka
Colas” he said in a monotone voice, and as he handed me the ration cards, he
roughly grabbed my wrist, “Hold the AIDS.” he laughed again, this time in my
face. I could smell alcohol on his breath, of course they had been drinking.
Suddenly, Butch grabbed Wally’s wrist, most likely rougher than the other boy
had mine. His grip caused Wally to let go of me and the boys made a tense eye
contact. Butch spoke in a voice that was more angry than I expected “Cool it,
Mack.” Wally had some sort of superiority complex, and it caused him to sneer
at his friend “What? You like him or somethin’?” he snapped “You a Fruitcake
now too?”
Butch let go “No, but I ain't close minded either. He sleeps with guys, you
sleep with your sister, it's all personal preference” he shot back. This caused
me to let out a snort through my nose, which in turn caused Wally to turn his
attention back to me. He stood, looking angrier than normal “You got something
to say, Blondie?” he asked in a growl. I started to sweat and shook my head
quickly. He stood and made his way to the door “C’mon, Paul. Lets leave the
Fairy Squad to their lonesome.” he grumbled. Paul looked between the three of
us, unsure what to do. Butch gave a nod and Paul quickly followed Wally,
leaving me and Butch alone.
For some reason, It felt better this way. Just the two of us. A bully and his
victim in some fucked up moment of mutual peace. He took his toothpick between
his fingers and spun it between them “I still want that Nuka Cola, Nosebleed”
he said, taking me out of my trance that caused me to stare longer than I
should have. I stuttered a bit before quickly turning and walking to the
fridge, reaching in the back for the coldest one I could find.
I hadn't felt Butch’s eyes on me in my embarrassment. And as I stood up
straight, out of the blue, he asked me the strangest question “How’d you know
you were gay, Marley?” The question caught me off guard and I almost dropped
the bottle in my hand. I quickly set it in front of him and stared at the newly
scrubbed counter. “Um… I guess when I was 10? I saw Freddy Gomez naked while
changing for baseball practice… and I dunno… I just liked it.” I mumbled,
unable to make eye contact with him. However, he kept his eyes on me “A little
bird told me, you wanted to get a little bit of lovin’ from the Butch-man” he
said almost seductively. My eyes quickly met his and my face went pink.
Amata, that fucking bitch.
I stood as straight as I could “If you are making fun of me, you can leave
too.” I said, turning on my heels. He grabbed my wrist from over the counter.
He was gentler than Wally which, again, surprised me. I turned to look at him
and blushed. He looked me directly in the eyes, it was then I noticed how blue
his eyes were, and how much I never wanted to stop looking at them. “I ain’t
making fun of you, Marley.” he said in almost a whisper as he pulled me back
till my waist was touching the counter. He was about an inch from my face and I
felt like I was going to explode.
Butch leaned over the counter and pressed his lips against mine. To say the
least, I was shook. He smelled like aftershave and tasted like whiskey, and I
really liked it. As he pulled away, he moved one of my blonde curls behind my
ear and we made eye contact once again. I swallowed hard “Well that was… not
what I expected” I said awkwardly. He stepped away and let go of me. He grabbed
the Nuka and walked to the door, turning to look at me “You know where my place
is right?” he asked. I nodded. “Cool. Come by later.” he said turning around,
realizing something, and turning back to me. He pointed a finger at me,
“Tell anyone and I’ll knock those pretty teeth in.”
***** Heartbreak Hotel *****
Chapter Summary
     Marley is a Sad Boi™
Chapter Notes
     TRIGGER WARNING: Mild cutting and depressive/ suicidal thoughts but
     nothing excessive.
     Also: sorry the update took a while. Ive been sick so if this
     chapters kinda bad Im v v sorry
I was hurting. Not on the outside like I usually did. It was in my head, and
not like a headache either. It felt like someone was in my brain, telling me
things I didn't want to hear and making me feel ways I didn't want to feel. It
had started after my first night in Megaton, and just got worse after Dad died.
I was laying in bed with Butch in our room Rivet City. It was dark and all I
could hear through the silence was the creaking of the huge structure… and
Butch’s snoring.
I looked at my boyfriend, he looked peaceful when he was asleep. His hair was
freshly washed and went back to its natural curly state. The cut on his cheek
was finally healing up. It curved around his cheekbone and ended right under
the corner of his lips. But, no matter how wonderfully distracting he was, I
still felt the sinking feeling in my stomach.
I stood quietly and walked to the bathroom, looking in the mirror. I was no
longer the boy from Vault 101. Especially since I was exiled from the place. I
was slightly more muscular and my face had grown more mature. I had a scar
around my neck from when some raiders tried to hang me from a tree, three scars
down my cheek from a Deathclaw, my burns from too much radioactivity exposure.
I looked like I was fresh out of a blender.
I wondered how Butch and Dogmeat could still be here with me. I was a failure,
and a failure with the face of a mutilated Brahmin to add to that. I failed
dad, who sacrificed himself for me to continue on with the project. I failed
Butch by not being emotionally stable in our relationship. I failed Dogmeat by
sometimes being so depressed I can barely get up and feed him some days. I was
just a disaster.
I opened the mirror cabinet and grabbed Butch’s switchblade. I flicked it open
and closed a couple of times before deciding my next move. I looked out the
door and made sure Butch and Dogmeat were still fast asleep. When I decided
they were, I drug the blade across my wrist. First, for Dad. Second, for
Dogmeat. Third, Butch. I hissed and tears rolled from my eyes as the physical
and mental pain came crashing down at the same moment and I broke down.
I covered my mouth the silence my cries and held my wrist over the sink. I was
a disappointment and a coward. I was the biggest pussy in the wasteland. I cry
more than I speak and I get scared and anxious to do the simplest tasks. I'm
weak. I'm a failure. I'm…. Tired.
“The fuck are you doin’!” was the sentence that snapped me back into reality.
It came from behind me. I looked up to see my favorite pair of blue eyes. But
they were not filled with love like they usually were, they were angry. He
stormed over to me and snatched the switchblade away and grabbed my bleeding
wrist, my blood flowing down his fingers.
I couldn't look at him, but he used his free hand to grab my face and make me
look at him. “The hell do you think you're doin’ Marley?!” he shouted, causing
me to flinch. All I could do was cry. He sat me on the toilet and found
whatever he could to wrap around my wrist and applied pressure. He didn't look
at me until he was sure the blood wasn't seeping through the bandage, but when
he looked up, he looked more scared than angry. “How can you just do that to
yourself, man.” he said. His tone told me that he was, in fact, terrified. Of
what, I wasn't sure.
I cried until my eyes were sore and I could barely speak “I-I c-can't do it a-
anymore, Butch” I sobbed. He shook me a little as tears filled his eyes “Why?
If there's something wrong you can tell me, but this… you don't need to be
doin’ this to yourself” he said, still holding my wrist. “You are smarter than
this, kid.”
I sobbed harder and harder. He pulled me into his chest, holding me tight. I
just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up from this fucking nightmare. I
knew it hurt Butch to see something like that, to see me like this. I'm sure he
wanted to chew my head off right now, but he himself was just as scared as me.
He was scared that, after all the times he'd saved me, he can't save me from
myself.
We sat in silence. Me crying and him not speaking. He picked me up bridal style
and set me in our bed, placing the blanket over my shoulder. Dogmeat curled
around me and whined. Butch disappeared over to the hot plate and cooked some
instamash. I watched him the whole time, feeling guilty and wanting to
apologize, but not knowing how. Eventually, he brought me the bowl of mash and
I just stared at it, unable to look at him again. He leaned his head against
mine “Ya can't leave me here, nosebleed… no matter how much ya want to. I gave
up everything I know just to be with ya, and I ain't lettin’ ya go that easy”
he whispered softly through the silence.
I gathered my courage and looked up at him. He had a sad look in his eyes
“Promise me you won't pull this shit again.” he said softly “I-I promise.” I
responded, just as soft. It was a lie, but he believed it, and so did I.
***** Sweet Release *****
Chapter Summary
     Marley's secret is eating him alive, and then he finds out its not
     really a secret to those who matter.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
In my travels, people ask me what the worst day of my life was (before my
coma), and believe it or not, it's not the day I left the vault or even the day
Butch and I had broken up for a brief amount of time. It was the first day I
had seen my dad since I had left the vault. Now, my dad and I weren’t that
close to begin with, but we trusted each other. I told him about everything,
and he did too. I thought.
It wasn’t long after I lost my arm, and it was the day after Butch left. We had
argued, because I was worried. He had been staying late at the Muddy Rudder and
I was told he was seen running off with Trinnie. When he came home that night,
he smelled like sex and perfume. I got angry and kicked him out, and he most
likely was sleeping at the Wetherly for the time being. I wasn’t a drinker, so
I didn’t have to worry about seeing him too much until this boiled over.
I arrived at Vault 112, the vault I was told I would find my father in. I was
put through some simulation and had to save a town of fake people. This was the
only way I was aloud to get my dad back.
Halfway through, I started to wonder why I was even doing this. He left me in
the vault and expected everything to be ok. But, when I finally got out, and he
came over to me, I cried. I wasn't crying because I was overjoyed to see him, I
wasn't even crying because I was sad.
I was angry.
I pushed him and punched his stomach, and the whole time he didn't flinch,
which surprised me considering the muscle I had built up in my travels. He let
me take my anger out on him because he knew it was his fault.
After a while, I got tired and he pulled me into a hug “hush, baby girl… it's
gonna be-” he began, but I pushed him away before he could finish “I'm not a
girl anymore, James! I'm a boy now! I've been a boy since I was born! And now,
I'm just the kid you left alone to fend for himself!” I screamed. I hadn't
stopped crying and my knuckles were purple. I could still feel the scars on my
chest. I wanted the surgery. Nobody in the vault except me and my dad knew.
Butch didn't even know. When we made love, I did it with my shirt on. My father
touched my arm “Marley, I am so sorry… I shouldn't have left. But I need you,
and now the wasteland needs you.”
***
I woke in a cold sweat. I dreamt about it over and over. Watching him die in
the Purifier. It was a bittersweet moment for me. It was my revenge, but I was
now officially an orphan. I went to wake Butch, but I remembered he still
hadn't come back. He was god knows where right now… probably with Trinnie
screwing and drinking. It made my heart clench and tears fill my eyes. I cried
a lot more than I should. I was supposed to be everyone's hero, but I was just
some broken kid with nobody but himself.
I suppose I wasn't a saint in our relationship either. I had a bigger secret
that I had somehow managed to keep away from him. I ran my fingertips across my
scars. I hadn't told him because I was terrified he would think I was a fraud,
or hate me because I lied. It had crossed my mind to just tell him and get it
off now that we weren't together. He probably wouldn't care now that we weren’t
together.
I stood and put on my shirt and some pajama pants. I made my way to the Muddy
Rudder and hesitated before entering the small bar. I walked down and instantly
saw the little skank that caused all the trouble. I walked over and tapped her
shoulder. She turned to me “Can I help you?” she inquired with some sass. The
glare on her face and the tone in her voice spoke volumes towards how she felt
about me. I sighed and rolled my eyes “You seen Butch?” I asked, not caring
about how she felt. She took a drag from her cigarette and blew it in my face.
I could have knocked her jaw off. “Yea. I seen him. He raw dogged me and headed
outside the boat, ain't seen him since.” her voice was lined with venom. I
turned on my heels and headed out. I only needed Butch's location, and nothing
else from her.
I made my way out of the boat, passing a few guards. I walked down the bridge
and out the small ruined building at the end. I saw the large blue forcefield
made by the Enclave and right outside of it, Butch. He sat near the rock pile
that Dr. Li had thrown together to make a sort of grave for my dad. We never
got his body back, but I didn't really care. I walked towards Butch and stopped
when I noticed he was speaking to himself, a dozen empty whiskey bottles
surrounding him, with a full one in his hand.
“Ya know, I know ya probably didn't like me. Especially now. Well… I mean…
before ya kicked the bucket.” he slurred “We both knew Marley deserved better,
and maybe I've finally realized that maybe he kept my dumbass around because we
were both pretty fucked up…” he was silent and swigged his drink a few more
time before continuing “I don’t even like vagina… and I know that's
hypocritical. I saw yer files on Marley back when I was still in the vault…
but… Marley has the nicest dick I've ever seen. It's strange to think… Anyways,
how do you tell the boy you've been in love with for as long as you remember,
‘Hey, I know ya actually are a chick, but I love ya and your hyper-realistic
artificial dick, so it don’t really matter.’” he was silent again before
sighing and standing. He stumbled a bit and just stood there.
At this point I had already forgiven him, and walked to him, wrapping my arms
around his waist “I see her or smell her on you again, I won't be so forgiving”
I said softly into the back of his jacket “But I forgive you, and you can come
back home” He turned to me and smirked “I thought about ya every time… I just…
I didn't feel like I deserved ya. The way you take care of the whole wasteland,
plus me. I felt like an obstacle.” he said, his breath smelling like alcohol “I
wanna go home, and make love until I can't breathe no more. And I want to do it
completely naked” a smile cracked on both of our lips and I sighed “I suppose
that doesn't sound like a bad idea”
Chapter End Notes
     My life has been out of whack and ive been crazy sick. The first half
     of this chapter was written while I was slightly drugged up on cold
     medicine. So please forgive my bad writing and late update.
     Also: send me ideas of what youd like to see in my next chapter
***** Intrusive Thoughts *****
I never understood the praise I got.I didn't do anything any good person
wouldn't do. I was a nobody who was suddenly a somebody and it made me severely
fucking uncomfortable.
I was on the balcony of Tenpenny Tower, looking out over the desolate
Wasteland. The breeze felt good against my scars and radiation burns. Butch
thought I was turning into a ghoul or something, but I reassured him if that
happened, I would kill myself. Even though, ironically enough, I helped ghouls
take over the tower I currently resided in with my boyfriend and my dog. I
hadn't expected them to kill the previous residents, but hey, shit happens. I
was tired of playing the hero.
We moved in after Project Purity. Butch and I decided to move somewhere no one
really visited other than ghouls. And we need to be somewhere where we could
trust our neighbors, and I trusted Roy. We made a deal. He makes sure everyone
thinks I left the wasteland, and I help him keep the place up with repairs and
such.
Butch took some time to get used to the place. He was never a fan of ghouls,
but before you know it, he and Roy Phillips were drinking buddies who gambled
with each other for cigarettes. Dogmeat occasionally joined them.
Now, here I was. On the balcony, looking down at the dirt of the wasteland. I
knew I was about to have an episode when I suddenly wondered how fun it would
be to jump the railing and fall to the ground.
Would I die?
Would it hurt?
I held my head.
Migraine.
I headed inside and leaned against the doors, I hated when I got like this. I
hadn't been suicidal since me and Butch had gotten back together, but my
disorder had gotten worse.
I had learned from and old pre-war medical book, that I had what was called
‘Bipolar Disorder’ which causes dissociative episodes and severe intrusive
thoughts. There was more to it… but I didn't want to scare Butch.
Butch was in bed with Dogmeat, who was currently keeping my spot warm. I walked
over and patted the dog and he quickly scooted to the end of the bed so I could
slip in and wrap myself in my lover’s warm body. His hair was back to its
naturally curly state. I like it when it was like that. It was curlier than
mine. I place a kiss on his neck and he groaned “Mars, I hate when ya stay on
the balcony this late. It freaks me out.” he mumbled groggily. I sighed and
played with his hair “I dunno why, you check on me every five minutes until you
get too tired and fall asleep.” I said softly.
He turned to me fully. His face was covered with tear stains. Had he been
crying? Why hadn't I heard him? Was he ok? I quickly placed my hand on his
cheek “Are you alright, Babe?” I asked with worry.
He placed his hand on my good arm and gently rubbed in circles “I'm just…
worried about you. Every since I came back after the whole Project Purity
thing… You've been different.” he said, tears filling his eyes again. This was
the first time I'd seen Butch DeLoria openly cry. His baby blue eyes met mine
“I love ya like I've never loved anyone else. Even more than I ever loved Ma…
and when I came back… I feel like I fucked ya up even more than you already
were.” and at his final words, the tears fell.
My heart broke. I loved him too. And he was right. Ever since he came back to
me in Rivet City after my episode, we hadn't made love or kissed as often as we
used to. Hell, we barely said I love you unless we went somewhere without the
other.
I wiped his face with my pajama sleeve and placed a kiss on his nose. This was
the first intimate moment we had had in awhile. I kept my eyes locked with his
“Butch, I was fucked up way before you left.” I reassured him “The day my
father left me and turned my world upside down for his own gain, was the day I
lost my mind.”
He took a small bit of comfort from my words, but still curled into me, placing
his head on my chest as he silently cried.
I held him until he stopped and I just felt his stuttered breaths. He finally
looked up and placed a kiss on my lips. It was soft and sweet at first, but
soon turned to rough and passionate. Butch was both of those things in the
sheets, so I immediately knew where this was going, and I wasn’t going to
objected. I wanted it too. It had been too long.
He ran his fingertips under my shirt and made me shiver since his hands were
cold as ice. But soon, he was tugging off my shirt and placing his soft pink
lips against my body to kiss every scar, including the surgical ones. His kiss
made its way up my neck to my pulse and he sucked gently, causing a moan to
erupt from my chest. When Butch DeLoria left hickeys, they were the size of
bottlecaps. He left a few on either side of my neck and chest before the real
action began.
He took two of his fingers and sucked on them before sliding his hand down my
pants and teasing my entrance, making sure it was lubed up enough that he
wouldn't hurt me. This caused me to let out small begging whimpers. And when
that was done, he slid them inside me agonizingly slow, having to cover my
mouth so I wouldn't wake the other residents. Butch had sausage hands so his
fingers were almost enough to make me cum, but I wasn't gonna come undone that
easy. He'd have to work for it.
He pumped my entrance for a long minute, leaving me a moaning, groaning mess
underneath him, before he decided I was ready for the main event. “Do ya think
you can handle the Butch-man?” he purred in my ear
Fuck, why did he have to call himself that. It was so fucking dumb. I looked at
him and let out a little snort of laughter, hoping not to kill the mood
completely. I put on my best smirk “The real question is: Can you handle me?”
That always got him. A challenge.
Before I knew it, I was on my stomach, and Butch was placing kisses on my
thighs and ass. He was definitely an ass man.
Making love with Butch was like being fucked by an angry bear. Rough and
undisciplined. I never complained, I quite enjoyed being manhandled by the one
man whom I knew wouldn't kill me afterwards. The aftercare was the best part
honestly. He'd hold me and kiss me. This was the only love the wasteland has
ever given me, and it was in the form of Butch Deloria.
***** Pacify Her *****
Chapter Summary
     Just a summary of their relationship in the vault. (NSFW)
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
•Tired, blue boy walks my way.
Holding a girls hand•
No one ever knew Butch was gay until he left the vault. Our whole relationship
was a secret. But in public, Susie Mack took my place. I hated that bitch with
a burning passion for that, but she just thought it was because I was jealous
that I couldn't have her, but she didn't realized she wasn't exactly my type.
Butch played along, kissing her and holding her, but he always looked
uncomfortable and cringed away a lot. Most thought it was because he was just
fucking her on the side and wasn't looking for anything serious. In reality,
Butch had never even seen her naked. They were frequently seen arguing in the
halls about sex, and Butch claimed it was because he was saving himself. It
made him look a little less masculine, but not as much as he would have if he
had told her he was gay. I was his little secret. And he was wrapped around my
finger.
 
•That basic bitch leaves finally.
Now I can take her man •
At night, he'd walk Susie home and leave quickly, heading to my place, using
the shadows to hide himself if he was too close to my place so no one could
spot him. He stayed quiet. My dad knew about our little rendezvous, and he
wasn't sure how he felt about Butch DeLoria wandering our apartment. However,
he learned to accept it because Butch usually stayed on his best behavior just
to keep the man happy.
He'd knock and my dad would answer if he wasn’t at work. I was usually on my
bed in a white t-shirt and nothing else, waiting for my nightly visitor. Ready
to take the poisonous perfume of Susie Mack right off of him. He'd enter, and
I'd stay in the position, pretending I hadn't heard him enter. He'd walk over
and crawl on top of me, kissing my ear and down my neck.
“Hope ya ain't mad at me about what happened at the diner” he whispered one
night as he nibbled at my jugular. Susie had been particularly handsy that day.
Her, Butch, and the other Tunnel Snakes came in and sat in the diner while I
was on the clock. It was only me and Andy working. Susie was sucking on Butch’s
neck and left a hickey much to Butch’s anger. Susie figured he was seeing other
girls when I left them on him, but he always acted like she had just forgot she
left one on him. But this time she was making sure. I watched from behind the
counter, clutching a glass cup, holding it so tight that it broke in my hand,
causing everyone to jump and look at me.
“Fuck!” I yelled in pain, holding my hand with a towel
Butch laughed nervously along with his friends guffaws of entertainment.
•Someone told me stay away from things that aren’t yours,
But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?•
I turned my head slightly towards him as he took my bandaged hand and kissed it
gently. I let out a sighed and a gentle, forgiving smile “I forgive you. This
time.” I said, biting my lip “Now don't keep me waiting any longer. I've lubed
up twice now.”
He chuckled and slid off his jacket, along with his vault suit. At this point
he stopped asking me to take my shirt off. He kissed down my neck and to my
lower spine where my back dimples were. He ran his tongue through the tiny dips
and positioned his cock at my entrance and moved his lips up to my shoulder. As
he entered me, I let out a loud moan. Thank god these walls were thick.
He always fucked me slow at first. Making sure I knew he loved me and this
wasn't just sex to him, and then, as soon as we finished our I Love Yous, he
was pounding my ass with all he had. And when my moans became uncontrollable,
that's when the dirty talk began.
“Susie could never take this cock like you can, baby.”
“You are so fucking tight, Kitten.”
“Fuck! No pussy could ever make me feel the way your tight little ass does.”
It was vulgar and untamed. I loved it. He'd stroke my cock the whole time he
fucked into me, and when I finally came onto his hand, he'd pull my hair back
so I could watch him taste me. When he came, after my third orgasm of the
night, he would stay deep inside me and fill me until he decided he wanted to
pull out. That's when he'd kiss me and hold me, ten times more affectionately
than he did with Susie, and then he'd lay with me until I fell asleep.
But he was never there in the morning.
•Pacify her.
She’s getting on my nerves You don’t love her•
It went back to normal in the morning. Butch letting Susie grind against him
out in the hall to gross everyone else out. School, where I would watch her
pass notes to him. Work, where they would come eat and she would sit on his lap
and grind on him some more. And then free time after that, when he let Susie
give him handjobs. I was ok with this as long as it was out of my sight. He
never liked blowjobs really. He didn't really enjoy it until I gave him one our
first night together in the Wastes.
But the bullying stopped. The Tunnel Snakes left me alone, except for Wally
occasionally. Susie tried bullying me once and Butch chewed her ass for it.
Almost blowing his own cover. He didn't love Susie. He never did.
But I knew he loved me. It was in the way he looked at me when we were together
(Sexually and non-sexually) It was in the way he smiled at me, and how he held
me at night.
•I can’t stand her whining
Where’s her binky now?•
Butch was unhappy with the situation, but he was too proud to admit his true
feelings to anyone other than me.
We laid in bed one night after making love, and he was playing with a loose
curl on my forehead when I asked “Are we always gonna be like this? You and
Susie, living a lie and eventually having kids with her, and me in the shadows
forever?”
He swallowed hard and it took a minute for him to answer “I… I don't want to.
But nobody likes fags, Mars.” he mumbled “Especially with a population of,
like, 30 people. And the men outnumber the women.” he sighed and continued
twirling the curl around his index finger. I was silent for a long while after
that. He met my brown eyes with his blue ones and stroked my cheek with his
knuckles. For once, they weren't the things causing me pain, but they were
giving me comfort.
“Susie Mack complains about the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I slick my
hair. She's always bitchin’ about somthin’ I'm doin’.” he began. He leaned his
forehead against mine “You never complain. You love me for real. You like my
hair, and my voice, and my jacket. You ain't never yelled at me or made fun of
me for not doing some of the stuff you do, or for the stuff I like. Susie ain’t
my forever. You've always been down for me. No matter what” he finished off by
leaving a soft kiss on my lips, causing me to smile. We giggled like kids,
whispering about the things we loved about each other. It was so simple back
then.
 
•And loving her seems tiring
So boy, just love me, down, down, down•
After I left, Butch had joined up with the rebels, and had been drowning his
sorrows in Susie’s pussy and liquor. He was laying in bed with her one night
after a particularly lonely night, and was downing some vodka when she looked
over at him “Did you ever think maybe the alcohol was the reason you aren't
getting me pregnant?” she asked, causing him to almost choke on his shot.
He looked at her “Who the hell said I was tryin’ to get you pregnant?!” he
asked, shocked.
“Well, you've been in the mood all the time and you never use rubbers anymore.
So I assumed that's why you did it.” she said with a shrug. Butch felt like he
was going to explode. From stress or anger, he didn't know. But eventually, he
snapped.
He stood from bed and looked at her “Ya wanna know the truth, Susie? Huh? I
can't stand the sight of you! I can't fuck you unless you're facing away from
me because all I see is him!” he shouted, tears threatening to pour anytime
soon. It was the liquor making him like this, but every word was the truth.
“With you, it's always nagging, and making me change who I am, but with Marley
it was just love, man. He didn't make me feel like some domestic house husband
who wouldn't amount to nothing because I like to cut hair! I ain't never loved
women, and I ain't never loved you! ” at this point, he was crying, and so was
Susie.
Teary-eyed and embarrassed, she left. He curled up on the bed and cried his
heart out. His pride was out the window.
His hair was a mess and so was he when I found him. I had just finished
fighting past security and talking with the Amata about talking her dad down
when I found him. He looked up at me when he heard my heavy footsteps, eyes and
nose puffy and swollen. I was dirty and didn't look the same as I did when I
left. I was more muscular and tired-looking, but my smile was the same.
“I missed you too, Butch”
Chapter End Notes
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