Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8706328.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, Rape/Non-Con
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Character:
      Jensen_Ackles, Sandra_McCoy, Chad_Michael_Murray, Christian_Kane, Jared
      Padalecki
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, First_Time, Alternate_Universe, Drama, Abuse, Hurt/Comfort
  Collections:
      Sinful_Desire
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-08-23 Completed: 2010-12-15 Chapters: 6/6 Words: 20088
****** Closets and their skeletons ******
by Fallingstars [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]
Summary
     Jensen's mother is a drunk and can barely even function on her own,
     so Jensen has to juggle working three jobs and going to high school
     to suport both of them since his dad up and walked out on them when
     he was three. Jensen's mom leaves him and Jensen ends up in the
     system, broken and worn down. After many dead ends he is given one
     last chance with the Padalecki's, a family so different from his own
     that it makes his head spin. He slowly and steadily falls in love
     with their son Jared. But Jensen has dark skeletons in his closet and
     with all the twists and turns in their lives, will Jared be able to
     deal with them and help Jensen see the light?
Notes
     Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally
     archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began
     importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in
     November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted
     announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on
     Sinful_Desire_collection_profile.
***** Chapter 1- 'A glimpse into the life' *****

Author's notes: ok that summary SUCKED!!!! but i have no clue where im going
with this so i had no way of knowing what to put in the summary! >.> when i get
a steady idea of what im doing i'll change the summary xD
wo uh..... IM BACK!!! and i have my muse back as well!! i have started my
stories and i WILL post them in a few days time!!
ok so this is my first ever J2 fic. i hope it doesnt dissapoint!! i got the
idea when i was watching 'The secret life of bee's' and boom! my muse suddenly
came back!! since its my first i am EXTREMLY nervous about posting! help me
calm my nerves! feed- back will make me happy! =3
===============================================================================
__________
 
Jensen backed away from the window of the truck, and watched with a blank
expression as it reversed out of the driveway and drove off.
 
There were no backward glances. No hesitations. Just the red tail lights of the
old pick up driving away. Driving out of Jensen’s life once and for all and he
just stood there in the middle of the driveway for a few seconds, staring at
the back of the retreating car, before he turned around and walked back towards
the house.
 
*
*
*
*
*
*
 
His shift at the local drug store came to a close and Jensen practically ripped
out of the store after he checked out. He grabbed his bag, shut his small
employee locker and walked out the back door passing several co- workers
sneaking a smoke on their break. He made his way around to the front and
started his way to the bus stop a few blocks off. The dim yellow light of the
street lamps lit up the ground with an eerie glow, making the deserted street
look straight out of a horror film. The fact that it was the run down crappy
side of town didn’t help its case at all, and gangs were a problem that
everyone walking out this late at night had to worry about.
 
He passed people sitting in alleys and some had out tin cans for money, like
anyone cared enough to put so much as lint in them. He passed closed off stores
and decaying buildings long forgotten by their owners. Jensen took a deep
breath and sat down on the dirty bench of the bus stop, counting down the
seconds until the blue bus trudged down the road and stopped in front of him,
exhaust puffing profusely out of the small pipe. He stepped up onto the steps
and pulled out a dollar to pay his fare. The old man sitting in the driver’s
seat merely nodded at him sleepily and closed the doors behind him.
 
Jensen took a seat in the middle of the dimly lit bus and clutched his bag as
he watched the cracked asphalt slip passed him. It took twenty minutes of
staring out the window to reach the stop by his house, and Jensen pulled on the
string above his seat and waited until the bus came to a complete stop before
getting up and exiting the bus. It was another ten minute walk until he would
actually be home, and when he was there he had to cook dinner and make sure his
mom was able to function enough to feed herself and take a bath. He was already
so exhausted from his second job, and he still had piles of useless homework to
finish on top of everything else.
 
He forced himself to walk home and when he made it to the small, dingy house he
slipped his key in the lock and opened the door warily. He wasn’t sure if his
mom was in a drunken rage or if she was too drunk to function, and the last
time she was in a rage…. Well he still has the bruises to show.
 
When the door was open he saw his mother slumped against the couch, staring
blankly at the TV as it blinked and flashed colors that illuminated her
beautiful yet haunted face. He sighed and closed the door, making sure it was
locked before he threw his keys on the small table beside the door and slowly
stepped towards his mom.
 
“Hey mom, I’m home.” He wasn’t surprised when she gave no indication that she
heard him. He knelt in front of her and saw the stains from whatever it was
that she had been drinking all over her dress.
 
“How about some dinner huh?” he whispered as he gently picked his mom up off
the couch and helped her stumble over to the small table that stood in their
equally small kitchen. When he had her settled in a chair with a glass of water
in front of her, he looked through the pantry and fridge for something to cook.
He decided that he’d make a sandwich for himself and soup for his mom.
 
While he finished making the sandwich he put a pot of water to boil for the
soup. He grabbed spices and several left over vegetables and meat. He let
himself fall into the routine of cooking, something he was good at and
something that calmed him, something he accomplished with an easy grace
collected over the years. He chopped and seasoned, peeled and stirred
everything together into the pot.
 
Ten minutes later when it was complete, he tasted it and felt the taste explode
in his mouth and smiled at his victory. He made a mental note to write down the
recipe and another to go grocery shopping tomorrow. He poured a medium size
serving into a small bowl and set it in front of his mother and took a small
bite of his sandwich. He always gave her a minute or two, to see if she could
feed herself this time. When he saw her stare into the bowl, eyes glazed over,
he sighed and set his sandwich aside, pulling a chair up next to his mom. He
picked up the spoon and slowly brought it to her lips, he murmured
encouragements as her mouth slowly parted and he slipped the spoon inside, and
waited until she slowly swallowed the spoonful down before scooping up another.
 
After twenty minutes or so, when she had eaten two bowls of soup, he gently
stood her up and practically carried her into the bathroom, where he started up
a bath, twisted both knobs just enough to make the water nice and warm. When
the bathtub was full he turned to his mom, who was leaning against the wall
like her legs could barely support her. He gently helped her out of her clothes
and sat her into the water. She sighed and lolled her head against the wall.
Jensen smiled, happy that she made some sort of sound, and went to washing her
up and shampooing her hair with her favorite strawberry shampoo.
 
He rinsed her off and pulled her up, towel drying her off and wrapping the thin
towel around her to keep her warm. He threw the dress in the hamper and walked
his mom to her room, where he helped her slip on sweats and a long sleeve
shirt. He then sat her on the bed and blow dried her hair, winter was coming
soon and he didn’t want her to get sick on top of it all.
 
When he had her in bed and made sure to leave a glass of water on her
nightstand along with two aspirins, he tucked her in and kissed her forehead
like she would do in her rare times of sobriety growing up. As he was opening
the door when he heard her rustle around a bit before she whispered her first
hoarse words of the night.
 
“Night Jens’n.” he stopped and turned around, but she was already passed out.
 
“Good night mom.” He whispered as he closed the door and slipped into his small
closet sized room right next door to hers. He grabbed his backpack and went to
work on his algebra and history homework, he also had a four page essay for
English, and had to study for his science test. By the time he was done it was
almost four o’clock and Jensen was way beyond exhaustion, running on the sheer
knowledge that if he made it long enough to put everything away he could fall
into his bed and sleep. Which he did, and the few seconds before he fell
asleep, he remembered that his sandwich was still sitting on the counter in the
kitchen.
***** Chapter 2- 'A day in the life of Jensen Ackles' *****

Author's notes: Okay im sorry for the late update but i got sick and then the
internet has been down and i've been lazy -.- I don't have time right now to
proof read or re- read to make sure it doesnt suck or have grammatical errors
so I.AM.SO.SORRY! if it sucks or has errors. i was just way to eager to update
this and i am so tired, so here i am updating a fic with out proof reading and
such Dx but i hope that it's good and you all like it anyways!!!!
i like Jensen in this chapter, i made him all happy =3
===============================================================================
_________
 
The shrill ring of his alarm clock shocked Jensen awake. It took him a few
seconds to realize that yes, he was awakened by the evil shrieking machine next
to him, and no even though it looks dark outside he can’t go back to sleep. He
never lingered in the warmth of his thin blanket, didn’t hit the snooze bar and
sneak in a few extra minutes of blissful sleep. He just shook his head to clear
it of sleep muddled thoughts and hopped out of bed, hissing as his warm feet
made contact with the cold wood of the floor. He walked over to his dresser and
picked out a pair of neatly folded clothes, and made his way over to the
bathroom to take a shower.
 
He never took a warm shower because then all the hot water would run out and
his mom was prone to getting sick more so than himself. So he turned on the
water as close to warm as he could and jumped in, body shuddering slightly as
it hit the still cold water. He ran through his shower quickly and when he
turned the water off and reached for the towel he heard a loud thump and, eyes
widening, he threw the towel around his waist and ran to his mother’s room.
 
He found her lying on the floor, spread eagle, and she actually looked up at
him when he burst in.
 
“I was trying to get up, but the room spun.” She muttered as Jensen bent down
to help her up. He was glad that she could function today, and although she
looked tired and white as a sheet, her eyes had life in them that he hadn’t
seen in weeks.
 
“Are you okay?” he asked giving her a once over to make sure that she hadn’t
hurt herself.
 
“M’fine.” She muttered as she pulled herself together and stumbled off to the
bathroom. Jensen stood there in her room for a few seconds before he realized
that he was only wearing a towel and that it was freezing. So he quickly made
it to his room, drying himself off in the process. When he made it inside he
slipped into his clothes and spent what seemed like forever looking for his
converse.
 
When he finally found them and slipped them on he made his way into the
kitchen, listening for any other thumps indicating that his mother had fallen
again. He started the coffee and toasted himself some bread since he knew his
mom wouldn’t be hungry, her hang over cancelling out any appetite she might
have had.
 
He threw his sandwich from yesterday away, and chewed on his toast bread as he
made two more sandwiches, along with a burrito made with whatever left over’s
he hadn’t used on dinner last night. He wrapped them up and put them on the
first shelf, right next to the orange juice and tequila. When his mom finally
emerged from the bathroom looking more alive than he had seen he in weeks,
Jensen was slipping on his backpack and grabbing his keys.
 
“I made you some stuff for lunch and I’ve put them on the first shelf. The
coffee should be ready in a few minutes, and we’re running low on everything so
I’ll pick up some stuff from work okay?” he looked up and saw a sad look creep
into his mother’s face.
 
“Thank you Jensen. You’re too good to me.” She walked over to him and wound her
thin arms around her son. Jensen was shocked, she hasn’t hugged him since he
was……. well a long time ago. He hugged her back fitting his head in the crook
of her neck like he would have done when he was little. He was ecstatic to see
his mother doing so well and gave her a kiss on the cheek as she relinquished
her hold on him several seconds later. Jensen smiled at her and turned to open
the door. The door was halfway closed when a thought struck him and he stuck
his head back in.
 
“It’s my job mom, I don’t mind.” He smiled again and shut the door.
 
~
 
Jensen popped in his headphones to his iPod and sat back in the bus seat,
staring out at the world as it slipped past him. His dad had sent it to him a
few years ago, and if his dad could afford this then why didn’t the bastard
send them something useful like money? Jensen was going to go sell it in the
alley between Chong ho Chinese restaurant and the 99 cents store. Everyone went
there to sell and buy, some things cheaply others not. But his mother had been
going through one of her lucid days and told him not to sell something like
that, he’d probably never get another one, why waste it? And as much as he
wanted to sell it so that he could pay the bills without a sense of dread about
how to pay for food until his next paycheck, and he kept the damn thing;
downloading songs at a friend’s house.
 
When he saw his stop coming up he pulled on the string and heard the answering
ding resound throughout the loud and cramped bus. He shoves his way towards the
exit and barley steps outside before the doors shut with a snap and the bus
takes off. Internally cursing the driver Jensen makes his way through the
crowd, dodging mothers that are pushing strollers filled with screaming babies
and side stepping the people that were sleeping on the floor. He was heading
over to his first job of the day, a small diner that seemed to get a lot of
business considering that it was not very well known.
 
He waited for the light to turn red and ran across the street with all the
other people that were standing at the curb. He passes the people that you
would normally see in Los Angeles, homeless to people you knew were
prostitutes, people on their way to work, and mother’s dragging their kids
around to store after store. As run down as many people saw Los Angeles Jensen
kind of liked it.
 
It was home, it was all he knew and it wasn’t so bad as long as you stayed out
of the gang infested areas. Granted you can run into a gang anywhere but he
wasn’t in the worst part of L.A- like east L.A- he was in the Highland Park
area, and here it was decent. He was also glad that they lived in L.A because
if they were anywhere else they wouldn’t have hired a kid who was obviously
using a fake ID. His mom and him would have been thrown out of their crappy
apartments’ ages ago and would have probably been living on the street. He made
one last left turn and saw the diner that he worked at come up into view.
 
Mary Jo’s Diner was a place that he didn’t mind working at. It was lively and
he had tons of friends there, friends who knew he was fourteen pretending to be
sixteen, and the owner- Mary Joanne- let him work there and even paid him a few
dollars extra than what she paid the other’s. They always sent him home with
containers of food and a happy warm feeling. But to be able to work at Mary
Jo’s he had to skip out on school, so he only worked here two days a week and
the weekend. The other days he was working his two jobs at the Taco shop where
he was a bus boy, and at the 24 hour Rite aid on the other side of town. On the
rare occasion that he had no work or he had a late shift, he actually went a
full day at school, not just half of the day or not at all. He was smart enough
to make sure his grades were at a B level so that the teachers and principal
didn’t care much about his truancies.
 
The door opened with a jingle from the bell and Jensen stepped in, immediately
hit with the smell of breakfast and grease. The place was buzzing with life,
groups of mothers talking while their babies slept or cried, and old couples
reading newspapers and bickering about the other’s health. Lilly, a blonde
twenty year old college student, looked up at the sound of the door opening and
smiled as Jensen set his backpack behind the counter and unhooked a white semi-
stained apron off its place on the wall.
 
“Hey Jensen! Sorry but it looks like you’re gonna have to double as bus boy and
waiter, Tim is out with the flu.”
 
“Sure as long as Mrs. Johnson doesn’t come in today. That women will be here
for hours and not order anything.” Lilly laughed, and pointed at the table in
the corner, where the chubby old women was already waving Jensen over.
 
“Damn it.” Jensen muttered under his breath and made his way over to her.
 
“You brought this upon yourself!” Lilly called after him, and Jensen stuck his
tongue out at her and made his way over to table seven.
 
“Jensen, boy shouldn’t you be in school? You young people don’t take education
as seriously as I did when I was your age. Why I remember when I was thirteen-”
 
“Mrs. Johnson it’s good to see you. No ma’am I didn’t skip school, I have a day
off today. Now is there anything I can get you?” She looked about to call him
on cutting her off mid- speech, but then he smiled at her and she just shook
her head in fond exasperation and smiled back.
 
“Yes, I would like some more tea and toast, but please, make sure it isn’t
burnt this time alright?” she added teasingly and Jensen smiled again and
walked back over to the counter. He liked her; she was one of the people he
enjoyed talking to, even if he had to sometimes endure stories about her past.
Most of them were interesting though so he didn’t mind. When Jensen made it
back behind the counter he stuck his head through the window that looked on
into the kitchen. He could see James, Becky, and Nic, but aside from not seeing
Tim he noticed Jessica was gone too.
 
“James!” he called, and the red head that was frying the eggs looked up.
 
“What? Can’t you see that some people have jobs to do?”
 
“Yeah, because flipping eggs is extremely challenging. Mrs. Johnson wants some
toast, and did Becky already make ice tea?” James flipped the eggs and pancakes
onto plates and shoved them towards Jensen’s face.
 
“Order for table two, and yeah Becky made tea this morning, it’s in the fridge.
BECKY!” James turned and made his way to the brunette that was rifling through
the supplies closet. Jensen turned back around and handed Lilly the plates for
her table, and she roller skated off to them. They weren’t forced to wear them,
but Lilly said she liked to use them because it made her feel like she was
working in one of those old time diners.
 
After waiting for five minutes and no answer from James, Jensen walked back
into the kitchen and saw Becky and James arguing, wild hand gestures and all.
Jensen sighed.
 
“Okay what is it this time?” he asked, and both adults looked over at him like
two kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
 
“Well this bastard can’t even-”
 
“She’s such a controlling psycho-” Then they completely forgot about him and
started at each other again. Jensen just sighed again and wondered when they’d
get together and save the whole diner from all this sexual tension they emit,
it can get stifling sometimes.
 
“All right love birds, I just want my order, than you guys can go back to your
lovers spat.” Jensen wanted to laugh at how fast their cheeks went red and they
just pointed over to the counter where the big fryer was. The second he made it
out of the kitchen with his order they were back to arguing, Jensen stopped
trying to follow their arguments the third week he started working here. You’d
just get confused and frustrated, and wonder when they’d just save us all the
frustration and do the freaking mattress dance already.
 
As soon as he placed Mrs. Johnson’s order at her table, the door jingled open
and in came the lunch crowd. The diner was ‘conveniently’ placed in between all
the work buildings and they all came in by the truck load. Jensen squared his
shoulders and mentally prepared himself for a long day.
 
~
 
By the time his shift was over it was 9:30 and Jensen thought he was going to
pass out from exhaustion. The diner full of people didn’t empty until half an
hour before his shift ended, and Jensen had a headache from all the crying
babies and whiny customers he’s had to endure. As usual when he was leaving
Martha, the motherly women with no actual children of her own, handed him a bag
filled with leftovers. But even with all the food, eh still had to go to the
store which was a block away, and Jensen wasn’t sure his feet could drag him
there. But he pushed himself on and cursed the fact that he’s had these shoes
for going on three years and they had wilted down to nothing, only being held
together obscenely large amounts of duct tape.
 
The store was eerily empty and the lights were flickering. The person at the
cash register, a guy with extremely long greasy hair, looked like he was in a
coma. Jensen made his round quickly, grabbing only the cheapest food he could
find and having to put some back because he didn’t have enough money with him
to buy it and still have bus fare.
 
When he walked up to the counter the guy looked at him blearily and rang up is
items. Jensen paid the total, grabbed his bags and walked out quickly, he
noticed some guys walk in earlier and he didn’t want to be there if something
happened. He made his way to the bus stop just as the bus made its way down the
street, lucky for him the driver saw him and stopped, while most would just
drive on by. Bastards.
 
He slipped the coins in the slot and sat in the middle, leaning his face
against the cool stained glass as the bus pulled away. He had to force himself
to stay awake, even though every cell in his body was urging him to fall
asleep. It seemed like an eternity until they made it to his stop, and he
shuffled off and prepared himself for the ten minute walk his aching feet had
to endure.
When he saw his house come into view he could have shouted with joy, the
fifteen minute break of sitting in the bus made no difference to his feet. He’d
need to save up for new shoes.
 
As he started walking up to the door of his apartment something started to
prickle at the edge of his mind.
 
Unease.
 
Jensen took a deep breath when he made it to the door and tried to shake off
the sense of dread that was now filling him. He was being stupid. When he
turned the key and opened the door he was greeted with silence. Not too
uncommon. He put the groceries down by the door and made sure he locked the
door.
 
“Mom, I’m home!” he called out. Again, silence.
 
He wasn’t all woo worried though. His mom was barely able to utter sounds let
alone words, but this morning popped into his head, and the dread hit him dead
on. He walked over to his mom’s room hoping to find her passed out but he
opened the door only to find it dark and empty. The bathroom turned up to be
just as fruitless. He even searched his room, in vain hopes of finding her in
there.
 
Nothing.
 
He was entirely alone.
***** Chapter 3- 'The pain that started the journey' *****

Author's notes: okay here is ch.3!!! The entries in Jensen's journal are dated
starting from when his mom left. So when it says one and a half weeks later
that means it'll be one and a half weeks from when his mom left.
===============================================================================
________
 
The sun shone in through the slightly dirty window, the shades letting through
a dull light. Jensen sat on the couch, staring at the door with blank tired
eyes. He should have known his mom would have jumped at the chance to go out
again. Whenever she was sober she would always run to go get drunk and high out
of her mind. The last time she did this she was gone for a week and a half.
Even if she did this on a regular basis he was still worried. Worried that
someone would shoot her for the drugs she carried around, or that she’d OD. He
shuddered and closed his mind off to those horrid thoughts.
 
The apple shaped clock on the TV chimed 12, and Jensen took a deep breath and
ran his hand over his face. He had stayed up all night, too worried about his
mom’s well being to fall into that much needed sleep.
He had twenty minutes before he had to leave for work, maybe he’d go take a
shower….
~
 
Jensen shoved down the last bite of his egg sandwich and slipped on his jacket.
If he hurried he’d make it to work on time. John, the day manager at the Taco
Shop, would kill him if he was late; and Jensen had enough to worry about. So
with one last look around the apartment, he walked out the door.
 
 
A Week Later: Jensen’s Journal.
 
There is still no sign of mom. I seriously hope she gets back soon. Man every
single time she does this I’m worried out of my mind. Out of all these years I
still don’t know what’s so much more important about drugs then me. I’m her
son, not those drugs that she cares so much about. God I’m getting all worked
up. She hasn’t been gone more than a week and a half, two weeks at the most.
She’ll be back soon. I just have to calm down. I just got home from my job at
Rite- Aid. It’s late. I should go to bed now.
 
A Week and a Half later: Jensen’s Journal.
 
Well it’s been a week and a half and still no sign of mom. I’m getting that
feeling again. Something’s up. Why do I feel like this time she’s not coming
back? What if she doesn’t come back? What’ll I do? I’m still just a kid! I
won’t be able to handle myself all on my own!
Mom used to help out a lot. She brings home money every few weeks or so. And
it’s always enough to last us a whole month worth of rent and food money. It’s
just lately….. Something’s been going on. Every time she’s sober she’ll give me
this sad look. It scares me. I still have the rest of this week. She will be
coming back. She loves me….
 
Right?
 
 
Two weeks later: Jensen’s Journal.
 
It’s been two weeks now. I think something happened. She wouldn’t abandon me.
She wouldn’t! Something’s just happened. Maybe she just wants to make a few
more extra bucks before she comes back. She’s been talking about some new dress
that she wants; maybe she’s trying to save up for that. I know she wouldn’t
abandon me. She’s my mom. She wouldn’t do that.
 
Not time to write anymore I have the graveyard shift today at Rite- aid. I have
to go now.
 
~
 
It was four in the morning. Why the hell a freaking Rite aid was open that late
was beyond him, but he had jumped at the chance for overtime. He doesn’t get it
very often, and Jensen needs all the money he can get. When his mom comes back
she’s going to be hungry, she always is. She rarely eats when she’s gone, she
says it’s because she loves his cooking more. He thinks it’s because she’s too
high to do anything other than breath. Anyways, if he’s going to make her
something nice, he’s going to have to save up for it.
 
Jensen let out a sigh and patted his jean’s pocket. He had his check for the
month, and he was happy to see that Sally, the night manager, had included his
overtime, so he had twice as much as he normally would. If he saved this up
he’d finally have enough for some new shoes. He’s been eyeing the new striped
converse in the shoe store, and Jensen was thinking about going there tomorrow
to buy some.
 
The only thing Jensen hated about the graveyard shift- other than working so
late- was that he had to walk all the way home. Stupid buses didn’t work this
late. He blinked his eyes and shook his head, blond hair swishing in front of
his eyes. Maybe he’d get a haircut before he bought some shoes. His hair was
already over his eyes, and he liked his hair short. He liked to feel the breeze
and heat of the sun tickle the back of his neck.
 
Jensen turned another corner and heard some scuffling behind him. He turned his
head just enough to see a group of guys walking not too far behind him, from
the looks of it they were senior’s at the high school. The hair on his arms
stood up, and unease prickled at Jensen’s stomach. He picked up his pace,
trying not to make it obvious that he was scared, but the guys just picked up
their pace too. Jensen turned his fast walk into a slight jog and out of the
corner of his eye so did the guys. As Jensen started to run, he felt straight
out of a cheap thriller. He was almost at his house, just a few more blocks and
he was almost…
 
A yank on his shirt was the only warning Jensen had before he and the concrete
came into contact. He could feel several bruises form, and could feel his skin
rip as the concrete tore into it. It took him a few seconds to realize that he
had been tackled, and that the heavy pressure on his chest was one of those
guys. The group cheered and laughed as the guy on top of him sat up with a
groan. He adjusted himself so he was sitting on Jensen’s chest, the weight
crushing Jensen’s already bruised torso.
 
“Look what we got us here boys!” He yelled, his grin of triumph illuminated by
the yellow light of the lamp post.
 
“Ohhh! He’s a pretty one.” A red headed guy said, as he walked up beside his
friend. Jensen was winded until that point, and when his breathe was back he
started to struggle, trying to get the boy off of him. He wasn’t sure if it was
the fall that had weakened him, the fact that he was exhausted, or if the guy
was just too heavy, but Jensen’s struggles were rendered fruitless, the only
thing it won him was a laugh all throughout the group.
 
“Aw, Ty I don’t think he likes you.” A blond said as he crouched down next to
Jensen. Jensen really didn’t like the look on all of their faces. There had to
be four of them, one guy standing behind them all, looking down at Jensen with
cold and emotionless eyes.
 
“What do we do with him now huh Rick?” One of them asked the guy on top of him.
He tilted his head, looking down on Jensen like he was considering something
very important. Jensen knew it when he made a decision because his eyes glinted
and his lips curved into a shit eating grin.
 
“Well why don’t we just have a little fun with him huh?” He said, and Jensen
felt his arms being pinned to the ground. The guy leaned down and shoved his
tongue into Jensen’s mouth, practically shoving his way down his throat. But it
wasn’t until he felt his jeans being unbuckled that it all hit him. They were
going to rape him.
 
Jensen’s struggles were useless, the guys were too strong, and all Jensen was
doing was hurting himself and wasting his strength. Before he knew it, his
pants were off and his shirt was being tugged up slightly. He could feel hands
on him, roaming roughly. He doesn’t know why, won’t ever know why, but all of a
sudden his struggles stopped. He just laid there, eyes shut tight as they
fondled and grabbed him. He felt dirty, sick, and he could hear their heavy
breathing, could feel their hot puffs of breathe as they panted into his ear.
He could hear them whisper obscene things. About what cocksucker lips he has,
about how they were going to mess him up bad. Jensen tried to block it all out,
tried to go someplace else until they were done.
 
Something big pressed up against his entrance and his eyes shot open. Fear
widened eyes looked up into smirking lust clouded ones, as the red head lunged
forward. And Jensen screamed as he felt himself torn open. Screamed and
screamed as pain ran up his spine.
 
“Shut him up!” Jensen doesn’t know who shouted that, but the next conscious
thing he knew, someone was wrapping their big sweaty hands around his throat.
He could feel his airway start to close, and with a great struggle he stopped
screaming, trying to conserve air.
 
The guy started moving then. Thrusting in and out with abandon and Jensen
wanted to start screaming again. He felt like he was being ripped in two, could
feel the blood dripping down his legs at the dry entry. He could feel tears run
down his face, as the group just laughed. He could hear panted grunts, and
Jensen let out a pained moan. He wanted to die. It hurt so much. The only thing
he was conscious of was the white hot pain that coursed through his veins. Then
he could feel the guy pull out, and with a pained grunt from Jensen, the guy’s
switched. Jensen’s eventual scream at being thrust into again, was cut off as
the red head shoved his dick into his mouth.
 
After that Jensen only remembers clips of what happened. His mind could only
process so much. Grunts and heavy breathing, gagging as the guy thrust in and
out of his mouth, the warm spurt of liquid as someone came down his throat.
Throwing up all over himself as the other two finished. The three of them all
pulled up their pants and smirked down at Jensen as they walked off, leaving
behind the fourth to stare down at Jensen with his head tilted to the side like
some vaguely curious animal.
 
Jensen didn’t notice him at first; he was too busy gasping for breath, his mind
numb. It wasn’t until the guy crouched down next to him that Jensen finally
noticed him. He looked up with blank green eyes, his body throbbing in pain.
Then he felt the coolness of a blade press up against his cheek, and the boy
just looked at him, his eyes equally emotionless. Jensen started to feel panic
as the knife was pressed with enough pressure to make a small cut at the side
of his neck.
 
His only thoughts were: I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to die, a
mantra that kept repeating itself over and over, echoing throughout his mind.
 
And he laid there, eyes wide in renewed fear, as the boy started to make medium
sized cuts all over his chest. Not too deep, but deep enough to draw thin lines
of blood. The fingers wound themselves around his neck again, only this time
they were putting enough pressure for Jensen to start gasping for breath after
only a few seconds. He could feel his lungs burning, his vision started to
blur. His arms started flailing weakly to try and get the fingers to loosen
enough for air to get to his screaming lungs.
 
And the last thing Jensen saw before his vision blacked out was the maniacal
glint in the boy’s eyes, the curve of his thin lips as he gave Jensen’s throat
one final squeeze.
 
~
 
It was the beeping and wheezing sounds that brought Jensen back into
consciousness. So with a small groan of pain, Jensen opened his eyes and was
greeted with white bright lights. At first he had the crazy thought that maybe
he was in heaven, but then his vision cleared and he realized he was laying in
a hospital. He turned his head slightly and saw out the window a hospital
hallway, straight out of a TV show. Nurses were bustling down the halls as
doctors carried clipboards and jogged towards their patients.
 
Jensen shifted slightly in his bed, and pain shot up through his spine. He let
out a confused and pained puff of breathe as he shifted again, and red hot pain
shot back up. His hands clenched into fists and he forced himself to be still.
He started to notice other things, like how his throat burned and ached, and
how his entire body was either sore or slightly numb.
 
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re awake.” Jensen’s eyes shot to the doorway and there
stood a nice looking lady. Her hair was pinned up in a bun, and the area around
her eyes and lips had slight laugh lines. Stripes of gray littered her
otherwise perfectly brown hair. She gave him a slight smile as she walked over
to his bedside.
 
“We were so worried that that bump on your head was a concussion, the doctor
wanted to wait a few hours before we touched you though, she said it might just
make things worse. Jenny- the other nurse working with us- was afraid you might
be in a coma, but I knew you’d be fine, just needed a bit of rest.” Jensen
would have been amused at her babbling, if he wasn’t so confused and in pain.
 
“W- Wha-” Jensen tried to croak out, but the burning in his throat intensified
and he only succeeded in causing a painful and burning coughing fit. The nurse
quickly stopped smiling and reached next to him, grabbing an oxygen mask and
situating it around his face.
 
“Take deep breathes honey, its okay. Deep breathes now.” After a few sputtering
breathes, his coughing subsided, and the medicated air filled his lungs.
 
“There there now, you’ll be just fine now. Just keep breathing deeply now while
I go get the doctor alright?” She waited until Jensen nodded slightly and she
gave him a soft smile before she walked back out of the room. Jensen
concentrated on taking deep breathes while he tried to figure out what in the
hell was going on. The last thing he remembered was walking home, a bright
yellow light, and then he was waking up in this hospital. Did he get hit by a
car or something?
 
“Hi there, I’m Dr. Yang.” A lady with a tired looking face walked in,
accompanied by both the nice nurse and a lady with a briefcase. Jensen was
scared now, he’d seen all those Hallmark movies, this was when they take him
away to some foster home. Sensing his fear, the nurse walked up to him,
cautious smile on her face.
 
“It’s okay Hun, we just need to know a few things to help treat you alright?”
Jensen detected a slight southern accent to her warm tone and after a few
seconds, Jensen nodded and the lady with the briefcase stepped up, notepad and
clicky pen in hand.
 
“Hi, my name is Janet and I just have a few questions alright?” She waited for
Jensen to nod before she stepped up closer.
 
“What with the bruising and inflammation of your throat I need you to write
down your answers here okay? Do not try to talk the doctor said it will not do
you any good.” She handed him the notepad and pen, and Jensen sat it in his
lap, still curious and slightly cautious as to what was happening.
 
“First off we need your name, you didn’t have any I.D on you and-” She stopped
talking as Jensen gingerly picked up the pen and started to write his name down
with shaky fingers. He flipped the pad around so they could see it.
 
“Jensen? Your name is Jensen? Can you tell us your last name?” She pulled out a
notebook as Jensen scribbled his last name down as well.
 
“Ackles? Jensen Ackles?” Jensen nodded and she made a note in her notebook.
 
“What were you doing out so late at night Jensen?” He hesitated for a few
seconds, reminding himself not to tell them about his job, as he wrote down his
answer. -Walking home.
 
“Where were you that you couldn’t get a ride home?” Another hesitation. - I was
at Rite- aid, buying a few things.
 
“Where are those ‘things’ Jensen?” –I don’t know. The lady sighed.
 
“Jensen, do you know why you are here?” –Not really, but apparently something
bad happened for me to end up at the hospital. Was I hit by a car? Here was
when she got a sad and hesitant look on her face.
 
“Jensen….. Jensen while you were walking home you were…..” Her hesitation
scared Jensen. He started to remember smirking lips, tight fingers around his
throat…
 
“Raped…” He couldn’t hear her anymore. He was back on the side walk, surrounded
by the group of guys. He remembered the pain, the smirking lips, the laughter
and heavy breathing. He could feel their hot breath as they each shoved their
tongue into his mouth, as he was ripped in two, as….
 
“Jensen…. JENSEN!” He heard screaming, loud wild wails, and then he felt a
prick in his arm. That was when he realized that the person screaming was him.
That he was flailing wildly, thrashing and kicking crazily at the people
holding him down. He could feel pain as he disturbed his wounds. Then he could
feel himself slowing down, his limbs becoming heavy and his movements
eventually slowed down to a stop.
 
“I think that’s enough questions for now Ms. McKinley. You can come back later,
after he’s had time to rest.”
 
“But Molly I have to ask a few more questions to better understand-”
 
“All you need to understand right now is that this boy has been through enough
right now. You can come. Back. Later.” As his mind started to fog up he heard a
huff and vaguely saw Janet leave, and Molly, the nice nurse, walk over to him.
 
“It’s okay Jensen, just rest now.” He felt her fingers run through his too long
hair, and that’s when he finally realized, that his mom wasn’t going to come
back this time.
 
_
***** Chapter 4- Good-bye life, Hello Reality *****

Author's notes: okay so i really know absolutley nothing about how the system
works and i made up a title or two in there since most of my knowledge comes
from Law and Order and books >.> But anyways i spent several hours working on
this and making it all shiny so i hope it worked :D Jared shall be making his
grand appearance in either the next chapter or the one after that, i'm still
working on how to set that up :3
===============================================================================
_____________
 
The officers closed their little notebooks with a brisk snap. They said their
standard apologies and with slight hesitation, slipped out of the room. Jensen
watched the door way for awhile, staring as patients and nurses alike made
their way down the hall. It turned out that the guy who cut him up stole his
check, so all that money was gone for good. The money he had worked hard for;
lost sleep over, and now it was in the hands of a psycho who got off on
torturing him.
 
He had spent nearly an hour and a half being grilled by Officers Johnson and
Galway, leaving Jensen exhausted and numb. He remembered every single detail of
the….of the rape, but even so he could barely give them anything to work on,
and they left with frustrated expressions on their faces.
 
Lately it seemed like he was moving in slow motion, his world minimized down to
the room he stood in. The hospital had sent him to a psychiatrist when he was
able to move again without disturbing his wounds. He had his own office- which
was down by the lobby- in the hospital for such cases as Jensen’s. An hour was
wasted sitting in uncomfortable silence that was only broken by the doctor’s
lectures, Jensen had too little to say and the doctor too much. Jensen wasn’t
interested. He had just wanted to go back to his room and sleep the day away.
 
His throat still ached with a vengeance, and when the afternoon nurse walked in
he was forced to eat the flavorless lump on the plate and odd tasting- no sugar
added- chocolate pudding. His throat protested as he forced himself to eat
enough to take the pills that were given to him. He wasn’t quite sure what they
were for anymore, all he knew was that they made him feel sick and tired. The
nurse came back in, checked that he took the pills, and took his tray away. She
never once said anything in his direction, just a few mutterings to herself as
she made notes on her clipboard. He didn’t like the nurses here, they were cold
and distant, the only one who was even remotely nice to him aside from Molly,
was his doctor.
 
Molly was by far, the thing that made him stay somewhat sane during his stay at
the hospital. She was nice and didn’t mind his silence; she would talk enough
for the both of them. Telling Jensen about her other patients and her family,
about her ferret- James- and basically everything in her life. Jensen never
really said anything, but she didn’t seem to mind and she was always respectful
of his privacy, even though he knew she was dying to know. But lately she
hadn’t been here, she was caught up in her other duties and today Jensen was
being picked up from Social Services. Jensen was scared, he didn’t want to go
into the system; all he wanted to do was go home. He just wanted to curl up in
his bed under the small knit quilt that was the only thing his mother had ever
actually made for him. It smelled like her and it made him feel safe.
 
The hospital window had a view of the mini mall across the street and the
parking lot where he could just barely make out the tips of the various cars
parked throughout the lot. He settled himself underneath the thin blue hospital
blanket, and spent lord knows how long, staring out at the various amounts of
people and cars. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen today, or what they
were going to do once they picked him up. Where would they take him? He had
seen enough of the movies on the Hallmark channel to know that ‘The System’ was
horrible enough to make people cringe just by hearing the name. He was scared
that the foster homes would be much worse than his own home. His life had been
perfectly fine before any of this had happened. Now here he was, messed up and
lying in a hospital bed, trying to get warmth into his too cold bones.
 
“Jensen, Hon you awake?” Jensen turned over and saw Molly standing just inside
the room. Her hair was in slight disarray and she looked exhausted, her eyes
had light shadows beneath them and the laugh lines at the corner of her mouth
were more prominent.
 
“Social Services are coming to get you in an hour, how about you go take a
shower and I’ll show you your surprise?” His interest peeked, Jensen nodded and
her eyes seemed to brighten just a bit.
 
“Okay now go on and take your shower.” She said with her usual smile. Jensen
kicked off the blanket and pushed himself up. His chest and limbs ached just as
much as his throat and he winced several times as his bare feet reached the
cool floor. He walked past Molly and made his way into the bathroom- since
there were no locks on any of the patient bathrooms he just closed the door
with a soft click- and turned on the lights. The first thing that jumped out at
him was his reflection, he considered turning his head away –like he had done
before- but for a reason he could not explain, he forced himself to walk closer
to the sink and stare into the mirror that hung just above it.
 
His face was pale and had a sick yellow twinge to it, and purple shadows lay
underneath his dull sunken green eyes. Sickish colored bruises were littered
around his neck, and he could see the beginning of the bandages on his chest,
where they lay covering the lines of cuts all over his chest. His hair was
extremely long now, and in no time it would reach his shoulders. Disgusted by
his image, Jensen snapped his head to the left and shut his eyes against the
sudden shot of pain that was his reward for his actions.
 
Jensen took a deep not even close to calming breath, and slipped out of the
long white hospital gown. He gently peeled off the bandages that the nurses
told him he no longer needed, grabbed the container of foam soap, and turned
the shower handle nearly all the way to the right. With a quick bracing, he
stepped into the frigid water. He wasn’t sure he could ever really take warm
showers, because it was a sign that his world had been ripped apart. When he
was under the freezing spray of water, he could close his eyes and pretend all
was right with the world. His mom was in the other room, passed out from too
much alcohol in her system, and he had to hurry and get ready for work/school.
He could almost hear the familiar sounds of their neighbors arguing next door,
and the clangs of the mostly broken air conditioner turning on in another
apartment.
 
But when Jensen opened his eyes, he was staring at the all too familiar walls
of the hospital bathroom. He rinsed the soap of his body and turned the water
off, leaning against the stall for a few moments, trying to get his sense of
self under control. When he was done, he stepped out and grabbed the clean
towel that was hanging on the towel rack. He rubbed at himself furiously,
trying to warm himself up. Once he was dry and vaguely warm, he reached under
the sink for a new gown. He ripped the packet open, slipped it on, and threw
the trash into the trash can. Tossing the old gown into the bin by the door, he
turned the light off and walked back out.
 
Molly was sitting at the chair by his bed, clutched in her hands were two
vanilla ice cream cones. Jensen felt a warm feeling bubble up in his stomach
and he felt his slightly red lips turn up into his first smile in almost a
month and a half. When Molly looked up she saw the happy, four year old look in
Jensen’s eyes and felt a strong wave of affection for the kid. He was the only
one of her patients that really and truly got to her. She wished she could take
him home with her and not let Social Services take him to a foster home where
he will more than likely not get the attention he needed and deserved.
 
“I’m guessing you’re just as much a fan of vanilla as I am then.” She said with
a smile, and Jensen nodded eagerly, taking the cone that Molly extended toward
him. He licked the ice cream gingerly, before devouring the delicious treat. He
hadn’t had ice cream in such a long time, and it was just as amazing as he
remembered. It took him no time at all to finish the cone, little happy noises
escaping his protesting throat. As he took the last bite of the cone, he closed
his eyes and committed the taste to his already long list of memories.
 
Molly had looked at him with eyes one would normally see in a mother looking
fondly at her child. She took a small bite out of her still full cone and
watched as Jensen tried to lick off the ice cream from his lips and fingers
from when it melted from the heat of his medium sized hands. She felt that pang
in her chest when the knowledge that she would never have the kids she had
always craved for; hit her out of the blue. She had been getting that pang a
lot when she was around Jensen, he reminded her why she loved kids, why she
took this job. His sadness was contagious though, she knew he didn’t do it
intentionally- he was too good a kid to do that- but never the less you could
hardly help yourself from absorbing the waves of anguish that were constantly
rolling off of him.
 
“Molly?” She shook her head as Jensen’s words pulled her out of her internal
ponderings.
 
“Yes Jensen?” His throat was sore and scratchy, rusty from the lack of use, but
he continued, ignoring the uncomfortable ache that spread throughout his
throat.
 
“Thank You.” And in those two words he conveyed just how grateful he was of
her, and it was also a good bye to her constant kindness, to her being there
for him.
 
“It was my pleasure, cheesy I know, but it’s true. You’re a good kid Jensen,
just promise me something?” Before Jensen could ask what it was, Ms. McKinley
walked into the room. There was a cheap suitcase and plastic bag held tightly
in one of her hands, and Jensen’s school backpack in the other.
 
“It’s time to go, Jensen I have a change of clothes here for you, why don’t you
go change while the paper work is completed.” With a quick look to Molly,
Jensen walked over to Ms. McKinley who offered him the plastic bag. He grabbed
the bulging bag and quickly made his way back into the bathroom, shutting the
door and turning on the light in one fluid motion. He set the bag on the
counter and began the task of undoing the series of tight knots. Inside he saw
a pair of one of his good jeans, a new pack of underwear –courtesy of the
state- and one of his white t-shirts. He wondered how they got his clothes,
when he remembered that Ms. McKinley had asked for his address not too long
ago. She had probably had someone go there and grab a few things. He hoped that
they remembered to bring his quilt- he’d asked for it, but by the look on her
face…- and his camera along with the old shoe box filled with pictures.
 
A knock on the door made him shake his head clear and slip into his clothes. It
was a sort of relief to be wearing normal clothes again. He felt a bit more
comfortable, better now that he wasn’t wearing a hospital gown that had an
opening in the back. He threw the bag out, put the gown in the bin, and walked
back out. Molly was standing by the door, an anxious look on her face, and Ms.
McKinley was tapping her high heeled foot impatiently. Tap- Tap- Tap, her foot
repeated over and over.
 
“Are you ready now Jensen? The paperwork is complete please slip these on and
we can get going.” She held out his old favorite jacket, and a new pair of
nondescript shoes that looked to be a size too big. He grabbed the items and
went to sit on the bed to slip on the shoes.
 
“Janet can you please just give us a second? I need to do one last check up
before he leaves the hospital, you can go talk to Dr. Yang in the mean time. I
believe she needs to brief you on his medication.” Ms. McKinley let out a
breath and turned on her heel, calling out a quick “Be back in five minutes,
please have him ready by then” and she was gone, the suitcase and backpack left
on the floor.
 
Jensen finished tying the shoe laces, stood up, and was greeted by a teary eyed
Molly. He immediately hated that she was sad, and he really didn’t want to go
either. He hadn’t even left yet but he knew he liked the hospital better.
 
“Remember how I asked you to promise me something, Jensen?” He nodded and she
took a deep breath.
 
“You have to promise me that you won’t give up. It doesn’t matter how hard the
road you are on may seem, but please, don’t give up. You have to promise me you
will keep moving forward despite how things may be, please Jensen.” He was
surprised, but none the less he ignored how odd her request was and quickly
nodded his head.
 
“I need you to actually promise me Jensen.” And with a sigh Jensen opened his
mouth.
 
“I promise you. Molly I promise not to give up." He said it with enough
sincerity to set some of the tension out of the woman’s dark brown eyes. Jensen
didn’t need to make himself smile this time and he walked over to the door to
grab his bags. Bringing them back to the bed, he opened the suitcase and was
delighted to see his old Polaroid 600 sitting on top of his clothes and another
few packs of new underwear. He was suddenly extremely glad that he had spent
the grocery money on two new packs of film.
 
“Molly, would you mind taking a picture with me?” He asked, picking up his
camera. When he turned around he saw her smiling and nodding. Just as he
finished slipping the roll of film in, his afternoon nurse came in to clean up
the room for the next patient.
 
“Marcy, you wouldn’t mind taking a picture of us would you?” Molly asked, and
the quiet red head shook her head and walked up, taking the camera that Jensen
held out to her. Molly walked up to him and slid her arm around his shoulder
nodding to Marcy when they were set. With a bright flash the picture was taken,
and after a few seconds it popped out the slit in the front. Marcy took the
picture out and made to give it back to Jensen.
 
“Can you take another one please?” he asked, wanting Molly to have on too. When
that was done he handed Molly the picture. He turned back to his suitcase and
noticed two bulging envelopes nearly hidden by one of his shirts. When he
opened it, it turned out to be the pictures that had been hidden under his bed,
and he slipped in the new one with the old.
 
“Okay now that that’s all done, let’s go now Jensen.” Startled, Jensen turned
to see Ms. McKinley standing in the door way, an annoyed expression on her face
as she began to tap her heel again. Jensen snapped the lid of the case closed,
and walked over to the lady in the doorway. As she started to walk down the
hall, Jensen took one last look at his only friend since he was seven, smiled a
true warm smile, and jogged to catch up with the Ms. McKinley who was nearly
all the way down the hall.
 
~
 
The car pulled up to a large brown brick building. Janet grabbed her briefcase
and motioned Jensen to follow her with a quick wave of her hand.
 
“Just leave your things in the car we’ll be coming back in no time.” She opened
her door and waited for Jensen to get out as well. They walked up the large
steps to the big glass doors where countless people were streaming in and out
of. She led him down dozens of hallways, past door after door, until they
reached a room with large brown doors, a bronze title plate in the middle of
the door read ‘Office of executive judge Mason Moss’. She spared him one look
before she opened the door and they both walked in. In a large brown leather
chair, a man with graying hair and an expensive looking suit sat looking
through several files, an intent expression on his face. When Jensen and Janet
walked in he set the folders aside and looked up.
 
“Mr. Moss this is Jensen, the boy who was admitted into the hospital three
weeks ago.”
 
“Yes I know Ms. McKinley, I was just looking through a copy of his file that
you sent me.” Mr. Moss slipped one of the files in front of him and opened it
to the first page.
 
“Now how about we go through this briefing and we will go about arranging where
you will stay for now Jensen.” Jensen looked up at warm blue eyes, and he
relaxed, taking the offered seat in front of the large desk; Ms. McKinley staid
standing, simply pulling out a file from her briefcase before speaking.
 
“Jensen Ross Ackles, Age: 14, Mother is Donna Joan Ackles and is currently
nowhere to be found. Father has divorced Donna when Jensen was three years old
making it final six months after the case was brought to court. Child was found
around seven in the morning when a Mrs. Terra Reynolds was grabbing the morning
paper. Child had been brutally raped and was found to have crude cuts covering
most of his upper torso and several upon his neck and biceps. Minor was taken
to Mercy Hospital approximately 10 minutes after being found. Mother was
nowhere to be found when agents had gone to the home later that day. Evidence
of vermin was present, as well as long term neglect. Evidence of drug and
alcohol use was discovered. Minor seemed to have been living alone for some
time. Search for the mother is still underway, she will be charged for not only
illegal use of narcotics but also the neglect and abuse of a minor.” She
finished with a long breathe and snapped the file closed.
 
Jensen thought that she had dressed it up to make it seem worse then it all had
been. He had been immediately alert when she mentioned charging his mom for
child neglect and drugs. But before he could even protest and begin to explain
that it was not that bad, Mr. Moss pulled out another file and by the look on
his face, Jensen knew that there was no way he could convince them that he was
fine. That there was no reason to charge his mom, and can’t he just go back
home.
 
“Jensen, you will be placed into a temporary group home until such a time as a
more permanent opening in a foster home occurs.” And Jensen’s world was
officially falling to pieces. This was really happening they were really going
to place him in a group home. He wasn’t going back home, they weren’t going to
just leave him alone. He was falling into that endless abyss that so many like
him had, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to crawl back out.
***** Chapter 5- Captured *****

Author's notes: [edited 5:28 am, 11/27/10]I would try and apologize for
updating a week later than i wanted to, but these past two weeks threw a curve
ball at me. i was busy with my drama group and then tons of family drama -.-
anyways this chap is EXTRA long! originally it would have been longer but my
friend said it'd be better to seperate it and i agreed, i apologize if ch,6 is
a bit short, but i really wanted to end it at that part (you'll see why ;3) and
it (along with IM WHAT!?) should be up tomorrow! GOOD NEWS!: my friend is just
about done with the banner!!! *happy dance* He would have been done sooner, but
his comp crashed and deleted it D: so he had to redo it, but luckily he works
fast ^^
I know i haven't done this and i will slap myself later but i never thanked all
of you guys!! I seriously wanna thank all of you that have favorited, reviewed,
and those who havent done either but still follow my story!!! Your support
means so much to me!! and i cant believe i forgot to thank you all sooner!!
===============================================================================
__________
 
The loud wail of sirens echoed off the walls of buildings long forgotten, cheap
paint peeling off in clumps, and broken windows boarded off haphazardly. The
group of teen-aged boys scattered, darting like cockroaches fleeing from the
ever bright and knowing light. Some experienced enough to know the surrounding
alleyways fled without so much as batting an eyelash, becoming one with the
looming shadows the tall decaying buildings provided. The glow of dirty yellow
light illuminated the faces of young boys, their eyes wide and terrified; their
bodies curling in on themselves as the cars pulled up to the curb and a team of
police officers filed out quickly, yelling for them to put their arms on top of
their heads and turn around.
 
When Jensen first heard the sirens his horribly thin body froze in shock, tired
muscles seizing painfully as the dreadful sound filled his ears. He threw one
frightened look to his friend, who merely gave him a grim frown and a slight
nod of his dirty head. Jensen shouldn't have even been there, but now their
only task was to get out of there; it was the only way either of them would be
able to survive, to even continue the hard task of existing. Jensen wasn't
surprised when he saw his friend slink into the shadows like the rest of those
who had shown enough sense. Jensen saw the words his friend mouthed, knew
exactly what he had to do, but his legs refused to move even as his brain
yelled at him to run. He saw his friend hesitate at the edge of the shadows,
saw him shoot an uneasy and desperate look at Jensen; but then the sirens got
closer and he gave him one last look filled with sorrow, as he disappeared into
the darkness of the night.
 
Jensen didn't hear the sounds of indignant shouts, of sharp commands, nor the
cries of children who had just wanted food. He couldn't stop staring at the
spot that had once held the one person who had kept him sane in the harsh and
complicated realities of the world. He barely felt the cruel cold of the silver
handcuffs slip around his frail wrists, didn't even register the deadly click
as locks settled into their place. By the time he came back to himself, he was
being shoved into an overstuffed police car, and a door was slamming into his
still shocked face. As he gazed out of the frost covered window he could have
sworn he saw a flash of long brown hair in the shadows as the police spread out
into the nearby alleys; but then an elbow jammed harshly into his already
bruised ribcage, and with a surprised cough, the car pulled away from the curb,
and Jensen's world turned upside down for the fourth time in his short life.
 
~
 
He'd been in the cramped and freezing jail cell for one day before they yanked
him and several others out by the collars of their shirts. They were shoved
into yet another police car and taken ten miles away to the J. J. Keller State
Juvenile Detention Center. They were stripped of their clothes and left in a
large room that was supposedly the showers, where the only temperature that
came out of the rusted shower heads was hot, and hotter. For most it was their
first shower in days, for Jensen it was his first in almost a week. They were
watched and shouted at by guards who wouldn't let them leave until they were
sure every area was clean. After they were rounded up into a small supply room
and given a dull uniform of blue and brown, they were taken to a separate room
where those who had long hair -which was most- had it cut off. The sound of
snipping scissors was heard loudly throughout the otherwise quiet room; Jensen
sat rigidly in the hard plastic chair as unfamiliar hands grabbed at his head
and used the scissors like a deadly weapon they held in their palms. Jensen
watched as piece after piece of his hair fell gracefully to the floor where it
mixed with the other roughly cut locks.
 
After they were all done they were given a roll of toilet paper, a blanket, and
shoved into a small cell with no window, and a lamp that barely worked. It was
here that Jensen spent the nights of the worst three days of his life cramped
together in a cell full of strangers. And for him, that was saying something.
 
In the halls he was kicked around, being made fun of because of his looks and
because of his new member status; in the too bright walls of the cafeteria he
was taunted, the kids no longer able to do much more than that under the
watchful eyes of the bored guards. He was forced to go without food one day
because one of the older boys thought that he deserved a second serving;
whether luckily or un-luckily Jensen had gone much longer than one day, so that
hadn't been as bad as it might have. On the third day of his stay at the lovely
detention center, Jensen's head was slammed into the walls of the cheering
cafeteria so hard that he painfully blacked out for several seconds.
 
After being released from the center's nurse station and being deemed
concussion-less, he was herded back to his now empty room. The other boys were
all out in the large fenced in field for daily exercise, and he curled up on
his bunk and stared thoughtlessly at the graffiti stained gray walls of his
shared cell. When a lady he had never seen before came in to get him one hour
later he was still curled up in a ball on the bottom bunk, using the thin
scratchy blanket as an extra pillow. He was tired and his head ached, his
stomach hurt from being stuffed full of cereal from that morning. When the lady
gently yet firmly grasped his elbow and tugged him outside, he gave no
resistance, merely stumbling along on weak feet behind her.
 
They came to a bright and cheerily painted waiting room, where posters of happy
families speaking of second chances were tacked up on the wall. They passed
comfortable looking chairs, the kind Jensen hadn't sat in for over a year, and
walked over to a blue meeting room where a large round mahogany table sat in
the middle of the room.
 
"Hello, Jensen. It's nice to finally see you again." Shocked green eyes met
triumphant brown ones. "Oh you didn't think we wouldn't find you now did you?
It was only a matter of time, and now look where we are. Debra would you please
grab me file A5409 and A6067, and call my supervisor, tell him that we found
Jensen R. Ackles and currently have him at the J. J Keller Detention Center.?"
With a frantic nod of her neatly combed head, Debra scurried out of the room,
leaving Jensen alone with the smug woman sitting comfortably at the head of the
table.
 
"Why don't you have a seat, Jensen? You won't be going anywhere just yet." And
it was with feet heavy with defeat that Jensen dragged himself over to the
table and sat down with a thud several chairs down from his beaming social
worker. She opened her briefcase and slipped out a file, opening it to a page
covered with colorful post- its. Her face was obscured by the thick curtain of
black hair that fell over it, concealing any emotions.
 
"Why did you do it, Jensen? What was the point?" She looked up at him, curtain
of hair falling back into place. Her face no longer held her triumphant grin,
instead in its place was a grim frown that matched her equally grim face.
 
Why did he do it? If she had listened to him in the beginning than maybe he
wouldn't have had to go through half the shit he had. But she was content to
look the other way, to let it continue, to ignore what was so blatantly obvious
that it might as well have been a flashing neon sign. So he had to go through
crap that most people thought only to exist on the Lifetime channel. He could
have told her, but she'd ignore him just like the many other times he had gone
crawling over to her office.
 
What was the point? The point was to survive.
 
 
The silver glow from the full moon illuminated the dark room in a way that made
it seem almost normal. But there was nothing normal about the way Jensen was
lying sprawled out on the floor, chest heaving and eyes burning with unshed
tears that threatened to breach past his fluttering golden eyelashes. He was
numb yet brimming with so much dark emotion at the same exact time that Jensen
was surprised he hadn't exploded from all the pressure yet. He was dimly aware
of the front door slamming, his muddled mind producing an unhelpful image of
the frame shaking from the impact.
 
It took him awhile, but soon enough his chest started to feel the uncomfortable
way that the wooden floor was digging into it, leaving red welts along his
already scarred torso. He was finally aware of how much his ass was throbbing,
of the disgusting damp spot on his boxers that were half off, half on. He
forced himself to stand up on shaky legs, and thankfully had to concentrate on
making one leg move in front of the other. It was sometime after his shower
when he was slipping on one of his worn out shirts, that the thought he had
been suppressing with a vengeance flashed in his mind, and this time he didn't
even try to ignore it. He couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't live with
these repeated nightly visits.
 
He didn't really think about what he was doing, just grabbed his bag and
started stuffing the few things he owned easily into the small space. When he
was done, he ignored the thoughts that kept telling him he was being stupid,
that he was going to get himself killed. Because as far as he was concerned,
the night he was raped and left for dead, was the night Jensen Ackles had died.
He quietly tip- toed his way into his foster mom's room and crouched down by
her upended purse lying sadly by the closet. He rifled though several odds and
ends before he found the fake leather of her wallet. After sifting through
receipts for the bar down the street and the lone K-Mart, he found the medium
sized wad of money, and slipped it into his back jean pocket. He set her wallet
down in the same place he had found it and made his way out and down the
stairs, skipping over the step he knew always creaked loudly. He was passing
the living room where she was passed out on the couch, when he paused suddenly.
 
She was laying on her stomach snoring up a storm, her right arm dangling off
the edge, hand clutching a half empty bottle of vodka that was spilling its
contents all over the white rug. Home sickness hit him like the bitch that it
was, and for a second he was back at his apartment, leaving quietly for school
in the early morning. He had the strong urge to go and settle her back into her
room and make sure she was alright to sleep by herself. But then she snorted
and turned over in her sleep and the spell was broken. He was back in his
foster home, his mom long gone, and in the middle of running away.
 
He shook his head and ignored the tears that he could feel prickling just
behind his eyes, burning red hot as they tried to escape. He turned his head
away from the lady that treated him like the piece of trash that he was, and
opened the door. He hadn't cried since he was three.
 
And he wasn't going to start now.
 
 
"Well, Jensen? Why did you do it? I'm waiting." Jensen looks up at her with
tired eyes. He doesn't need to put up with this shit, all he wants is to take
some fucking aspirin and go to sleep.
 
"I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen. Since you wouldn't do anything
about it, I took matters into my own hands." What he really wants to do is call
her a bitch and tell her that she's the reason he's so goddamn fucked up. But
he has to grit his teeth and be polite, because this bitch will make his
situation even worse than it already is if she's pissed.
 
"Oh please, not this again! Jensen, you made up stories just to attract
attention, everyone at the foster homes told me so. I even made sure you went
to therapy to get all of that wanted attention. And then you go and do this?"
She sweeps her arms out in his general direction, like the way he turned out
was his fault and not hers.
 
"I told you and you wouldn't listen, what else was I supposed to do? Wait it
out and pretend nothing was going on? Well something was going on, and I wasn't
going to let it affect me like it was everyone else!" Jensen can feel himself
getting worked up, can feel the anger boiling just beneath his thin skin, and
he knows he has to slip on the lid to all of his emotions. He has to hide
behind the mask he was forced to create, he has to distance himself from the
world, or, at least from her.
 
"Jensen, who is everyone else??" She leans forward, elbows sliding over the
files laid out on the table.
 
"Like I said, I told you everything that week before I was forced into therapy.
I told you it wasn't just me, that he was doing it to all the other boys in the
home. I don't even think you talked to them, did you?" His nose wrinkles up in
barely concealed anger and disgust at this woman for pretending she cares;
about him, about anything other than herself.
 
"As a matter of fact, Jensen, we did look into it; and like I told you, the
other boys denied your accusations, they told me you merely wanted attention
and you frequently told tall tales to try and get everyone's pity. I even went
so far as to meet with your Foster dad and question him on what you told me,
and he told me the same thing the boys told me. You just want attention Jensen,
and what with your past it is understandable that you believe you are not
getting enough of it. You running away proved to me that you are an attention
seeker, your therapist told me that this might happen but I had put more faith
in you, and therefore didn't take enough precautions to make sure you stayed
put." She looks at him with cold eyes, mouth turning into a frown so deep it
looked like she was in pain. "You betrayed my trust Jensen, and I'm not going
to make that same mistake of believing you are above petty acts of attention
seeking now." Jensen couldn't believe this. He'd known that she thought he just
wanted attention, all the previous homes made similar accusations when he
reached out for their help, but now, now it was just ridiculous. The other boys
went through what he did, but he wasn't entirely surprised they didn't tell.
John was gentle in his own perverted way with them, but with Jensen.
 
"Janet, I have those files you asked for." Jensen slid farther down his chair
and turned his face to look out at the large and slightly empty parking lot the
window showed him. They were probably going to send him to another equally
horrid house, and maybe staying in Juvi was better than going back out there.
He could fight for his own, had to in the streets, but he'd been holding back
because what those kids were doing wasn't anything he hadn't faced before. This
morning merely caught him off guard, he could have easily gotten away if he
hadn't been looking at his shoes when they jumped him. He'd let his guard down,
and he would make sure he didn't do that again.
 
"So, Jensen, where's Christian?" A bolt of shock ran down his spine and Jensen
felt his body freeze immediately for a few quick seconds before he could force
himself to relax and look up into Ms. McKinley's all knowing eyes.
 
"Who?" He forces his face to remain blank and only slightly curious. He has to
remind himself to keep a bored tone and not look too anxious.
 
"Christian Kane." She says it slow, as if explaining something complicated to a
child. It makes Jensen grit his teeth.
 
S"orry, I never met a Christian Kane, what's he gotta do with me?" Jensen looks
up to meet her eyes, face forced into sincerity and confusion. Frustration
building when she shakes her head with a smile.
 
"Uh-uh, see, you're lying." Janet says in an almost sing- song voice that makes
Jensen sick to his stomach.
 
"No I'm not, I'm sorry but I've never met a Christian Kane in my life." Jensen
hates how there's a desperate tinge to his voice, and he barely stops himself
from flinching.
 
"He's been spotted at the prostitution raid a few days ago, with you." She
gives him a meaningful look, as if to say 'I'd like to see you lie your way out
of this one.' Jensen has to shake his head again, and it gives him a few
seconds to stall and come up with an excuse.
 
"There was more than dozens of kids out there, and if the guy was there he was
probably with any one of them. As far as I know, I've been by myself for almost
a year. What's so important about this guy anyway?" Janet gives him a look that
tells Jensen she doesn't believe him, but he can see the doubt playing behind
her eyes.
 
"Christian escaped from the L. E Rader Juvenile Detention center of Oklahoma
nearly three years ago, he's been spotted offhandedly here and there, it seems
he traveled a lot and we were unable to locate him. That is, until a few days
ago, see we got a tip off from one of our undercover cops telling us of the
corner where juveniles were prostituting themselves, one of the cops that
arrested Christian several years prier spotted him escaping. We talked to a few
of the boys and they all confirmed that Christian and you were traveling
together." She had a wild look in her eyes as she leaned farther still. "Jensen
I know they were telling the truth, and this boy has been one of our most
eluding children since I've been in the job, he's wanted for prostitution and
theft. I know that you know where he is, tell me Jensen." Jensen shakes his
head of rough cut hair, denying without words, that he knew a Christian Kane at
all.
 
 
The air held a bone chilling cold that made his teeth chatter. The wind was
blowing, making it impossibly colder than it already was, and Jensen was
huddling under a thin blanket in an alley way, a garbage can had a fire running
and many were gathered around it. Chris was opening their last can of food,
green beans, it made Jensen want to gag -he hated vegetables- but Chris just
gave him a stern look and Jensen scooped in a spoonful with exaggerated gagging
noises. Chris merely rolled his eyes and ruffled his hair, leaning back against
the wall of the alley way, looking skyward while Jensen finished his portion of
the meal.
 
"Hey, Jen?" Chris's voice was serious, grave, and it kept Jensen from arguing
that Chris try and use his actual name for once. Instead worry washed over him
and he put the can down, turning towards his friend, who was still looking up
at the stars.
 
"Yeah, what's wrong?" It took him a while, but Chris took a deep breath and
looked down at him with troubled eyes.
 
I" never told you why we could never get caught by the cops, now have I?" His
question made Jensen want to snort. It was pretty obvious why they couldn't get
caught. Maybe Chris was having one of those The-establishment-is-out-to-get-us
moments.
 
"No but its obvious right? We can't get caught because I'm still underage, and
they'll send me to another foster home." His nose wrinkled at the word.
"They'll probably arrest you because you've been harboring me or something and
they can charge you. Right?" Chris was smiling slightly, like what Jensen was
saying amused him or something. Man he is having one of those nights, Jensen
thought with an internal eye roll.
 
"Yeah I guess you could put it that way, but that's also not entirely true. We
have to stay out of the cop's radar because awhile back I escaped from Juvi,
they had me there because the guy I picked up was a cop. They were doing those
undercover rounds where they wait for you to mention a price and they arrest
you, I was stupid to even get in the car when no one else did, but I needed the
cash." He gave a mirthless laugh looking back up at the sky, unaware of his
younger friend's worried gaze.
 
"Anyways even if I'm over eighteen, if they catch me then they can try me as an
adult and I'll probably go to a state prison and have to spend hard time man.
Prison sucks, I mean I may have been in Juvi, but it's just as bad as prison.
D'you know why I'm telling you this?" He paused, waiting for Jensen to shake
his head no. "-Because you need to know who you hang out with son, you need to
know who you can and cannot trust, because one mistake out here, can cost you
your life."
 
"It sounds like you're telling me to stop traveling with you." Jensen's sure
that this isn't some way to get rid of him, he's done being suspicious of Chris
staying with him out of pity, and he knows that Chris truly does care about
him. It's just that he thought he told Chris that he trusted him by now, and
the fact that Chris thinks that he doesn?t, kind of makes Jensen sad and want
to slap sense into him at the same time.
 
"I'm not telling you to son, because that's your choice." Chris keeps looking
up at the sky, the skin around his eyes is tight and his lips are drawn thin,
like he's scared of Jensen's answer. So when Jensen puts a hand on his arm and
laughs, Chris looks down at him, shocked out of his serious mood.
 
C"- Chris, man w- why w-would you t-think that I'd leave!?" Jensen has to pause
because he's laughing so hard, tears forming at the edge of his eyes. His
laughter is slightly hysterical but either Chris doesn't notice, or he just
doesn't care. When he catches his breath and wipes at his eyes he turns to face
his friend's confused and slightly shocked gaze.
 
"I don't care if you were in Juvi, man you're my friend I trust you not to kill
me in my sleep and not to ditch me when the chance presents itself. If anything
I think you just got cool, because to be honest? You're such a dork." Jensen
smiles up at the older boy and Chris bursts out laughing, playfully punching
Jensen's shoulder before grabbing the can of green beans.
 
"Hope you didn't finish all of them, you can be such a pig sometimes Jen." They
both laugh and the people around them throw them slightly annoyed but fond
expressions.
 
 
"Jensen?" Janet is tapping her foot impatiently, the sound making a thump
against the carpet and taking Jensen back to the hospital, to the day he left,
before he shakes his head clear.
 
"I'm telling you the truth Ms. McKinley. I have never met a Christian Kane
before in my life. For almost a year I've been by myself, yeah I talked to a
few people here and there, but I travel alone, it's easier and you can't trust
anyone out there." Her eyes narrowed for a few seconds, before she sighs and
nods her head slowly.
 
"Alright Jensen, you win, I believe you." Jensen wanted to do some sort of
victory dance, wanted to yell in her face and tell her that he fooled her, but
he forces himself to sit still as she opens another folder.
 
"Now that that's over, let's get to the business of your new foster home." She
slipped out a few papers and organized what looked like notes, in front of her.
Dread washed through him, killing whatever form of happiness he had left.
 
"Your new foster family lives not too far from here in Ontario, California.
I'll be driving you down there myself in a couple of hours, depending on how
fast the paper work can be completed. Your Foster mom is Sharon Padalecki and
she has three kids, two boys and one girl, the eldest -I believe- is off at
college, and she has a younger son closer to your age, just a year younger if
I'm correct. You will be going to the local high school, Colony." She pauses
dramatically for a moment, closes the folder, and takes a deep breath. It's a
few more seconds before she looks back up at Jensen.
 
"You're on probation Jensen; I don't know how else to stress just how thin of a
line you'll be walking on. This really is your last chance Jensen, because if
you screw this up again, I'll have to re-think letting you go free on
probation, might let you stay here in Juvi and await a court hearing. You're
getting a very rare second chance kid. Make something of it."
_
***** {Enter Jared} *****

Author's notes: i was waiting to update because I really wanted to update with
the banner all set and in my fic but my friend hasnt posted it yet *sigh* but
it is finally done, i havent seen it yet but i know its gonna be good (he has
skills XD) and hopefully i'll have it up this weekend. Sorry again for the
update timing but its finals week and i wasn't satisfied with the way the chap
turned out at first so i spent awhile trying to make it good. Anyways it's
here!! Hope you all enjoy it! and thanks for the happy birthdays :D i spent the
day hanging out with my friends watching bad movies and pigging out ^^
===============================================================================
_________
 
The rain poured down by the bucketful, drenching the brightly shining green
plants and turning the once powdery dirt into puddles of deep sticky mud. A
black Sedan raced down the highway, splashing up waves of rainwater and
spraying the other cars competing with it. Ripples could be seen in fleeting
glances as droplets of sweet smelling rain became one with the river- like
puddles. Jensen leaned his forehead against the cool hard glass of the backseat
window, watching as cars filled with families and tired business men sped down
the pavement with a sort of detached wonder. These people had lives, families
to go home to, something keeping them tethered to this world. These people had
stories in their past, some sad and some happy, but none like his, none like
what he had seen.
 
He sighed, and watched as a warm puff of breath escaped his lips and created a
small patch of fog where it hit the mirror, and watched again as it slowly
disappeared, its existence short and unnoticeable. Like his.
 
He heard a cough echo back at him from the front seat where his social worker
sat behind the wheel, driving towards his new foster home. He shuddered at that
word, because all it was was a place of misery and domination, of sad endings
and fear. He wanted to laugh in the faces of the stupid people that made the
posters speaking of second chances and happy families that were made possible
because of the foster system. It was a lure, an attractive and false appearance
to a deadly trap. And he was stuck in its inevitable grasp.
 
The harsh pattering of the near fall rain and the rough winds pulled him back
to reality like a string tied tightly to him. He didn’t want to go, he wanted
to be back in the streets, huddled under a blanket in an alleyway with Chris,
because to be truthful, those were the most happiest ten months of his life. Of
course it was filled with hunger and aches, colds because of the weather, and
fighting over the warmest spot to sleep, but it was one of the only times where
he had felt something close to happiness. Chris always tried to take care of
him, always joked and gave him the last serving of whatever they had because
Jensen was still young (even though Jensen always complained about being
babied).
 
The rain seemed to be getting louder, the wind’s howling intensifying; and it
lulled Jensen into a state of calm. His eyelids became heavier, his limbs
content in their awkward position, his mind fogging over with much needed
sleep. So Jensen decided to close his eyes, just for a little while, and as his
eyes slid closed, his head fell from the window and into the smooth cradle of
the seatbelt. His light snores ringing throughout the small space of the car,
barely audible over the hum of the heater blasting through the vents above his
head.
 
 
His stomach was hollow, closing in on itself painfully in his hunger. It’s been
nearly two weeks since he last ate and he was weak and delirious with the
hunger that consumed his thoughts as his blood pumped sluggishly through his
veins. He spent most of his nights now, moaning into his knees as he curled up
into a tight ball, trying to ease the sharp demanding pangs that shot through
his body. He wanted food so bad, had never wanted it as much as he did then.
And it really didn’t take much convincing for him to walk up to the populated
sidewalk along with the other teenagers. Even as his hands were sweating and
his mind kept yelling at him to turn back before it was too late. His painfully
empty stomach controlled his legs as they pushed his weak body towards the
small blue car. It was his stomach that controlled his lips as he asked if the
guy wanted company for the night.
 
When his hands pulled open the door, and his legs settled themselves under the
dash, his mind was a constant mantra of ‘Get the hell out of here!’ but his
stomach ruled over as he ignored the pleas of sanity, and he shut the door on
the jealous faces of hungry boys and girls. He kept his mind blank as they
drove to a deserted part to park, keeping his eyes straight and not looking at
the man next to him, who, if Jensen had bothered to look, was shooting him lust
filled looks and licking his thin ugly lips greedily.
 
They pulled over and Jensen could feel the sweat build up at the back of his
neck and on the palms of his already sweaty hands. The salty smell hitting his
nostrils as he inhaled, and he could scent his own fear, could feel the
tendrils of panic as it sneaked its way up his spine. He couldn’t believe he
was going to do this, something he promised he would never swoop down to, that
he would never even think of, and yet here he was; untying a strangers belt
buckle with shaking fingers as his eyes were wide with fear and unshed tears as
past memories flooded his brain. This act was all too familiar with Jensen than
he wanted it to be, and he tried to ignore the strong scent of sickening musk
that wafted up towards him as he lowered his head and slipped his mouth over
heat that he had hoped he would never have to feel again. Strong salty taste as
a spurt of pre- come landed on his tongue. He had to resist the temptation to
gag as bile rose up in his throat and he pushed himself down farther, until his
nose reached the scratchy and strongly scented hair at the base.
 
He couldn’t think about what he was doing, because then it would become that
part of real that he knew he couldn’t deal with. So he closed his eyes and
tried to breathe in as much air as he could without taking in the smell that
made his stomach churn violently. He wanted to whimper when he felt the guy
wrap sweaty and meaty fingers around the back of his neck, felt sickening
chills as the man let out a groan so deep it reverberated throughout the entire
car. Jensen could feel his hands clench into painful fists, the fabric of the
seat bunched tightly in his hands. When the man started to thrust up, Jensen
went limp, opening his throat wider and letting him do whatever he wanted as
long as it made this end faster. And it did.
 
When Jensen felt the tell tale signs that he was going to come, he felt panic
as his first reaction was to move away, but he knew he wouldn’t get as much
money that way, and he needed the money. So he forced his limbs to lock into
place and scrunched his face up as spurt after thick spurt filled his mouth,
and he had no choice but to swallow, even if it made him think he might just
throw up all over the upholstery. He could hear harsh panting above him, words
spilling out of the man’s mouth that he would prefer not to hear. He kept his
eyes tightly shut for a few seconds, and was just about to open them when he
was thrust up against the car door.
 
It took awhile for the impact to really hit Jensen, but when he felt his zipper
being pulled down he realized what was happening, and he panicked. His arms and
legs thrust out, hitting everything that he came into contact with, and when he
heard a pained grunt as his foot connected with the guy’s soft belly, he
flipped himself around and started fumbling with the door handle. His shaky,
sweaty fingers making it near impossible to get a hold of the silver handle,
but when he finally did he flung the door open and ran, all thoughts about food
and money erased as he darted frantically down the deserted street. He tried to
get away, tried to pump his weak legs faster as he heard the thuds catch up
behind him, but when he felt a tug on his shirt yanking him backwards, he knew
he had lost.
 
He felt himself go limp, all the fight drained out of his body as the
adrenaline faded away, replacing it with sluggish movements. He heard a
chuckle, felt large meaty paws roam over his torso, and he shut his eyes as
memory after dreaded memory flooded his tired mind. It surprised both of them
when Jensen’s arms started to thrash, when his legs tried to kick out. But the
hold didn’t loosen up, in fact it got tighter, pressure on Jensen’s biceps
increasing and stopping the blood flow. The only thing Jensen was thinking was
that this couldn’t happen again, he had run away so that this wouldn’t happen
again. He was so stupid to do this, painful hunger or not, now look where his
stupidity had landed him.
 
As panic started to hike up to impossible heights and his strength weakened,
his already tired limbs fell limp, fight already draining out of him before it
had really begun, and that’s when Jensen heard a loud thump. And suddenly there
was no more hold on him as he fell to his knees and his breathing tried to
regulate itself into his heaving chest. He saw a green backpack lying limply by
a pair of ripped converse held together with duck tape. Jensen turned his eyes
higher up and he saw a boy with a torn beanie covering most of his head, he was
glaring down at the man curled up on the floor who was cradling his crotch and
trying to get up at the same time.
 
“Pathetic.” Jensen heard the boy hiss at the man, who tried to hobble away as
fast as he could from them both, muttering something about how this wasn’t his
fault. Jensen wasn’t sure if he should be afraid of the kid -you really
couldn’t be too careful out here- but he looked safe. When brown eyes turned on
him they were no longer burning with disgust, they were soft now as he smirked
and showed Jensen what was clutched in his hand. The guy’s wallet.
 
He could feel laughter bubble up in his chest, could feel his lips turn up in
his first smile in such a long time, and Jensen knew he could trust this guy,
taking the offered hand without flinching.
 
“I’m Chris.” Jensen twisted his shirt into place and looked back up into
laughing brown eyes.
 
“Jensen.”
 
 
“Jensen!” with a start Jensen jerked awake in his seat, eyes frantically moving
over his surroundings, and he felt himself relax as he realized that he was
just in the car.
 
“Jensen, hurry up we’re here.” And with that his social worker slammed the car
door, walking briskly over to the white front door of a nice brown two story
house. There was a pink bicycle laying out on its side in the empty drive way,
picture of Barbie grinning creepily up at him. Barbie’s had always freaked him
out, it was just something about the way they always smiled up at you with
their head tilted. It was disturbing.
 
Before Ms. McKinley could start tapping her foot again Jensen grabbed his gray
bag filled with his meager belongings and pushed open the door, stepping out
into cool rain scented air. The sky was gray and water was still dripping off
of the multi- colored leaves on the trees above him, rivers of rainwater still
draining into the sewer, and it couldn’t have stopped raining more than a few
minutes ago. He shut the car door and made his way up to the front door where
his social worker stood tapping her foot in that insane repetitive verse that
will probably start haunting him in his nightmares along with all the other
dark clouds already waiting for their turn.
 
When Jensen stepped up next to her she rang the doorbell with a neatly
manicured nail, and as Jensen heard the chimes ring throughout the house, he
could feel the tension build up inside him. He didn’t want to face another
family that only took kids in because of the welfare check. He didn’t want to
deal with the illogical rules and the looks of pure disgust. It took all of his
strength to keep himself planted firmly on the front steps as he heard a loud
squeal and a few thumps. When the door was thrown open to reveal a little girl
no older than nine dressed head to toe in pink, hair held up with an assortment
of rainbow colored clips, it wasn’t really what he was expecting (A too nice
looking man dressed in crisply ironed clothes, yes. A little girl practically
bouncing on her heels in excitement? No). Just as he wasn’t expecting her to
grab his hand with both of her small ones and drag him into the house, high
pitched voice calling to someone behind her that he was here.
 
She dragged him down a short hallway and into a nice living room, magazines
littering the small brown coffee table and a sweater thrown over the otherwise
neat sofa. By the looks of the smiling Barbie on the front, Jensen was going to
take a wild guess and say it belonged to the little girl that was trying to
show him all of her favorite dolls. He lost track after Kelly, rocking back on
his heels awkwardly as the little girl stopped and smiled up at him, blonde
doll clutched in her small hands.
 
“This one is my favorite! Momma bought her for me last Christmas and she even
bought me the car! Look, look! It has a top that you can take off and a working
radio!!” Her squeal of excitement made Jensen feel his lips turn up into a half
smile as she scrambled around to show him her other toys.
 
“Oh Megan, now where are your manners?” A nice looking lady walked around the
corner, wiping her delicate looking hands on a kitchen towel, specks of flour
covering her smiling cheeks and her hair held up in a messy bun. When Jensen
turned back to the little girl -Megan- she was blushing and muttering something
about how she just wanted to show him her dolls. Hazel eyes found his and he
watched them brighten; her smile widening as she tucked the towel into a large
pocket in her relatively white apron.
 
“Well you must be Jensen. Hi, I’m Sharon,” Suspicion rose high in his throat as
he felt her hands work into his and out of pure burned in instinct, did he
shake back. “and you already met little Megan here.” She motioned to the girl
who had made her way behind her mother, peeking shyly out at Jensen from her
hiding spot behind her mother’s apron.
 
“Sharon it’s nice to see you again,” from the tone of Ms. McKinley’s voice he
could tell that she didn’t like Sharon, and from Sharon’s slightly pinched
expression, he could tell she didn’t feel all that fond of Ms. McKinley either.
“I’ve brought the paperwork that you need to fill out, but first of all I would
like to double check his room, make sure everything is as it should be.”
 
“Of course, right this way.” Sharon walked over to the stairway and was up on
the second floor before Jensen realized he had to follow. She made a turn left
and disappeared, followed shortly after by him and his social worker. When
Jensen climbed the last caramel colored step he saw Sharon open the first door
on the left and step aside to let Ms. McKinley step through the doorway,
throwing a quick look to him before she followed inside. Jensen walked over to
the doorway and stopped short, once tight grip on his bag now slack.
 
The room was spacious and painted a sky light blue, windows open to let in a
breeze, thin white curtains fluttering slightly as crisp cool air whispered
into the room. There was a double bed in the middle, two neatly polished
nightstands on either side, one holding a small desk lamp and the other a red
alarm clock, the green numbers shining back at him. A medium sized mahogany
dresser was just to the side of the drawer, oval mirror reflecting his tense
image back to his startled green eyes. The carpet was clean, vacuum lines still
present in the white sea of material. Jensen couldn’t believe his eyes. This
room was probably bigger than the apartment he lived in with his mom, bathroom
included. This was a joke. It was a sick joke and he really wanted to punch
something right about now. No one would ever give him something like this. No
one ever had, even the room Molly had set aside for him t-
 
“Alright then, Jensen how about you get settled while Mrs. Padalecki and I fill
out some paperwork.” It wasn’t a question, and for once, Jensen didn’t care
just how much his social worker’s snippy attitude annoyed the crap out of him.
He wanted out of this room. He wanted to be shown to the no doubt rat infested
basement where he was going to stay. He wanted familiarity. But as he stared
incredulously around ‘his’ room the ladies filed out one by one, little Megan
tugging on his sweater sleeve as she looked up at him with these big eyes that
mirrored his own perfectly. Before he could even begin to concentrate on what
the hell was happening, he was alone in the room, door shutting behind the
retreating group softly.
 
He didn’t know what to do, didn’t trust that this was his room because he had
learned to not trust anyone. Well, anyone that wasn’t Chris, because Chris…
Chris he could trust. And if the guy were here right now he would slap him
upside the head and tell Jensen to believe in first timers, but Chris wasn’t
here right now, and Jensen didn’t believe.
 
*
 
Staring out the window wasn’t any fun since there was nothing interesting to
watch in the semi- sleepy street that the house was on. The most he had seen
was a few families leave and a man jogging with his dog. But even though this
was probably the single most mind numbing thing that he had ever done, Jensen
couldn’t stop staring out the window. It was like he was waiting for something,
for someone, -an annoying to hell tug in his chest that just wouldn’t go away
no matter how hard he tried- but he just didn’t know what it was. And it was
killing him. He shook his head and took in a deep breath, shutting the window
and shifting the curtain just a bit more closed, the light dimming in the room,
giving it a surreal feeling to it. A voice called him down the stairs,
promising him lunch. And despite all of the instincts that he had learned to
hone, he found himself following the smell of sizzling meat and spices.
 
It was his second day here and he was so on edge that he was practically
shaking with anxiousness, nearly making him missing a step on the stairs. He
knew that Sharon would flip the switch on Happy-American-Mom to Crazy-Psycho-
with-a-Bat with no warning. It was just a matter of time before that ball
dropped, and Jensen really wasn’t looking forward to it.
 
*
 
After he finished his lunch –Mac ‘n cheese and fried chicken- he clutched the
bottom of his chair tightly, head and eyes downcast. He barely managed to
finish the food. It had been such a long time since he had eaten a full meal or
anything other than what came in a can, and he could feel his stomach stretch
uncomfortably with every swallow. Sharon was busy in the kitchen, bustling
about as she cleaned nonexistent stains, house number one flittered into his
mind and he shuddered. He couldn’t put up with that crazy shit again.
 
“You know Jensen,” his head sprung up at the mention of his name, catching
sight of the fond smile that spread softly over Sharon’s lips as she rinsed
another clean dish “I have a son not a year younger than you. His name is Jared
-ball of never ending energy that kid- and he was so excited to be getting
another boy in the house since his older brother Jeffery went off to college,
and I think Megan’s been driving him up the wall with her begging that he play
with her,” Jensen remembered this morning and how he had gotten ambushed on his
way to the toilet. His lips twitched. “He’s off at basketball camp right now,
but he should be getting back in less than a week, and I think you’ll both get
along just fine.” Jensen didn’t understand the point of her telling him this,
and her knowing smirk that all mothers wear when they know something you don’t,
was kind of starting to freak him out. So he nodded, said that he couldn’t wait
to meet him, and pushed away from the table, heading back up the stairs to his
sanctuary, wondering what the hell was going on in this house.
 
*
 
Jensen woke up with a start, his cry of panic barely held off by his trembling,
clenched lips. He could feel the cold sweat dripping down his back, soaking his
shirt and dampening his hair. The adrenaline was still pumping harshly through
his veins, his fists clenched tight and his chest heaving with much needed air.
He rested his head on one of his upraised knees and tried to breathe deeply,
rolling his forehead against the top of his knee trying to void off the
migraine that always came. It didn’t work.
 
So Jensen threw off what little of the blanket that was still covering him and
padded over to his door, opening the closed door with exaggerated slowness. He
peeked out, saw that all was quiet, and slipped into the bathroom across the
hall. He stripped out of his sweaty clothes, turned the water on full blast and
jumped in, body shuddering against the cold. He stood under the spray until he
was numb to its frigid temperatures, turning his head this way and that to soak
up the cold water.
Against his will he felt his eyes slipping shut, mind traveling backwards to a
time were everything was simple. In no time at all he could faintly hear his
neighbors fighting, volume rising as a plate crashed against the wall. He could
hear the nonstop traffic of cars just outside the front door, the bang and hum
as someone turned on the air conditioning. His mom’s drunken snores just barely
heard over the noise that crashed into his head all at once.
 
Then as quickly as it had all come, it was gone. No noise, just simple quiet in
the new foster home that confused him, made him scared that he didn’t know what
they had in store. He sagged against the shower wall and let out a shaky
breathe.
 
*
 
He was staring out the window again, leaning against the wall as one of his
legs dangled to the carpet from the window seat he was perched on. The sky was
clearing up, sun making its shy appearance that week, air still smelling of
clean fresh rain. The tug in his chest had gotten much worse over the past few
days, and Jensen found himself staring out the window and down at the street,
watching the slow progress of traffic more often than he liked.
 
He was going to close the window and head over to find his book when he saw
Sharon’s car pull up into the driveway, pausing for a second before both doors
opened, but Jensen couldn’t see who the passenger was because of the tree that
was right under his window. Confused, Jensen shut the window just as the front
door burst open with a bang, voice bellowing out a welcome that had little
Megan squealing at the top of her lungs and bursting out of her room. Her hair
flying behind her was the only thing Jensen saw as she bounded down the stairs,
little feet making dull thuds against the carpet. He could hear laughing and
giggling, high pitched squeals and low murmurs. Jensen opened his door
cautiously and stepped out just in front of the stairs, watching as a tall
lanky figure set Megan back down on the floor, and turned around staring
straight up at Jensen with these hazel eyes that shined brightly in the light.
And for just a second Jensen could feel his breathe stop completely.
 
Megan looked up and ran towards him, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the
steps as fast as her little legs could take them. She gripped his sleeve and
Jensen looked up at a blinding smile that had Jensen’s lips turning up of their
own accord. Floppy brown hair was swished out of still sparkling hazel eyes and
Jensen felt a weird heat spread up the back of his neck. It made his smile
disappear.
 
Those eyes were searching his, like he was trying to see into Jensen’s very
shattered soul; and no matter how much he wanted to look away, their eyes were
locked together in an unbreakable hold. He wasn’t sure how long they had stood
there staring into the other’s eyes, when Jensen felt a tug on his sleeve and
he jumped. The contact was broken and the odd heat slid back to wherever it had
come from.
 
Jensen looked down into large brown eyes, confusion written into every speck of
color. He didn’t know what to do, so he just twitched his lips and that seemed
to satisfy her enough to beam back up at the boy in front of them. When Sharon
turned towards Jensen, he was surprised to see that for once her expression was
wary. She smiled and pulled Megan over to her because her daughter was starting
to really yank on his sleeve.
 
And the second she opened her mouth a foreboding crept up his spine, chills
running over his nerves as her lips turned up as she spoke the words that
damned Jensen before any of this could even register.
 
“Jensen, this is Jared.”
_
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