Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/508349.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con
  Category:
      M/M, F/M, F/F
  Fandom:
      Captain_America_(2011)
  Relationship:
      Steve_Rogers/Howard_Stark, Howard_Stark/Maria_Stark, Peggy_Carter/Steve
      Rogers, Peggy_Carter/Maria_Stark
  Character:
      Howard_Stark, Steve_Rogers, Maria_Stark, Peggy_Carter, James_"Bucky"
      Barnes, Abraham_Erskine, Matt_Murdock
  Additional Tags:
      Dom/sub, Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting, Soulmates, Child_Abuse,
      Attempted_Rape
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-09-10 Completed: 2012-11-19 Chapters: 17/17 Words: 21833
****** Children's Work ******
by blakefancier
Summary
     "Howard is ten years old when he presents as a submissive."
     In a world where everyone is either a dom or a sub, sex is only a
     tiny part of those roles. Mostly, it's about how you view the world
     and yourself, how you interact with other people, most especially
     your soulmate.
     Please, read the notes before starting this story.
Notes
     So, this is a weird story. I've tagged it as underage and M/M even
     though right now I don't think it is. The boys are ten when they
     present and nothing they do is sexual or with sexual intent. But, as
     they get older than might change or it might not. Howard keeps
     telling me that he's straight. *shrugs* Anyway, I know this might
     make some people uncomfortable, so if you think it might offend you
     or it might be too much, please skip it.
     Also, yes, another WIP. And no, I have not abandoned Blot Out the Sun
     or any of my series. I just... I've been having a hard time with
     writing so I've been letting my hindbrain have a go. As soon as life
     stops sucking, I'll be back to my regularly scheduled stories.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Howard is ten years old when he presents as a submissive.
*****
Howard is best friends with Steve Rogers, the son of the Stark family
chauffeur. They grew up together and he trusts Steve implicitly.
Steve is sick a lot. No, Steve is sick all the time, but that doesn't stop him
from trying to do everything Howard does: from climbing up to the roof of Stark
Mansion to jumping off the high board into the swimming pool. Steve always
winds up getting hurt or having an asthma attack, but he won't be stopped.
Steve is crazy like that. It's why Howard likes him so much.
Also, Steve is terrible at video games and Howard always kicks his butt.
*****
Howard is eight and three-quarters when Eddie presents as a dominant. It's all
anyone can talk about; Mom and Dad are even throwing Eddie a party! Ever since
Eddie started high school, he's been a jerk to Howard. A stupid jerk.
"I hate him," he tells Steve as they lounge in the garden, the summer sun too
warm and too bright.
"You're not happy for him?" Steve asks. Steve's an only child, so he doesn’t
understand how annoying big brothers can be.
"Why should I? Being a dom's just *biology*, you don't have to work for it.
It's not like straight A's." Not that getting straight A's is hard; Howard is a
genius.
Steve sneezes, then rubs his runny nose with the hem of his t-shirt. "I'll
probably present as a sub."
Howard thinks that Steve is probably right, but he says, "Mom says that
presenting as a dom has nothing to do with muscles. It's got to do with being
strong in your head and heart."
"My mom's got a strong head and heart." Steve leans up on his elbows. "And
she's a sub."
He shrugs. "Maybe it's a different kinda strength."
"Maybe." Steve gives Howard a guilty look. "I still wanna be a dom though."
"Yeah. Me, too." Howard sits up. "You wanna Popsicle?"
Steve nods and scrambles to his feet. "I'll race ya!"
He makes a sound of protest as Steve zooms off. It's all for show, though,
because Steve never wins at races.
*****
"Where did you get the magazine?" Steve's eyes are wide and his cheeks are red
with embarrassment, but he doesn’t stop looking at the picture of the bound
woman kneeling at another woman's feet.
"Eddie's room." Howard can't stop looking at the picture either. He feels
weird, hot and uncomfortable, like the time he ate six hotdogs in a row and
puked in the swimming pool.
"We shouldn't be looking at this." Steve licks his lips and swallows hard.
Howard rubs his fingers over the handcuffs on the sub's wrists. "It's a
beautiful picture." And it is. The bound woman, the sub, is staring up at her
dom with love and adoration and it makes something inside of Howard twist; his
face burns hot.
"I guess." Steve closes the magazine and frowns.
"Do you think that's what it's like after you present?" Howard itches to open
the magazine, just so he can see the look on the sub's face again.
"No, but maybe after you find your soulmate."
Steve's probably right. Howard bites his bottom lip, his mind racing. He
wonders what it's like, being a grown up, having a soulmate, falling in love.
After a moment, he reaches off the bed and picks up a bowtie off the floor.
"Tie me up."
"What?" Steve sits up and stares at Howard.
"Tie me up." Howard thrusts the bowtie at Steve, then turns around, crossing
his arms behind his back. His heart is pounding in his chest and he feels
nervous and scared and still pukey. "I wanna know what it's like. Don't you
want to know what it's like?"
"Are you sure?" Steve asks, but Howard doesn't have to respond because Steve's
tying his wrists together. When Steve is done, he touches Howard's wrists. "Are
you all right?"
Howard nods. "H-Help me off the bed. I… help me." Steve does and soon Howard is
kneeling at Steve's feet and it's *weird*. God it's so weird. Steve's face is
red and he's looking like he wants to cry, which makes Howard want to cry even
though they're both too old for that sort of thing.
Then Steve reaches out and gently strokes Howard's hair and…
Oh. *Oh*. The pukey feeling vanishes and all the nerves and fear sort of drain
away. The next thing Howard knows, he's leaning his head against Steve's thigh
and Steve is just stroking his hair. Stroking and stroking and Howard closes
his eyes, happiness bubbling in his stomach. He smiles because he can't help it
and when he opens his eyes and looks up a few moments later, Steve is smiling
too. And suddenly Steve is giggling and Howard can't help it, he's giggling
too.
And that's how his mom finds them a few minutes later.
*****
Howard and Steve are ten when they present and soulbond. At first it's pukey,
then it's wonderful, and finally it's horrible.
*****
There's lots of screaming, from Howard's parents and Steve's. It's horrible and
scary and Howard can't help but wonder what they did wrong.
Steve sits with him on the couch and holds his hand. Steve's palm is sweaty and
he looks as terrified as Howard feels.
Howard wants to curl up against Steve and hide his face, but only babies do
that and he's not a baby. He's ten. He's a genius.
Then his dad calls the cops and Howard bites his lip hard enough to draw blood
because he doesn't want to go to jail. He doesn’t want *Steve* to go to jail.
Steve's fingers tighten around his enough to hurt and that helps.
*****
The cops come, but they don’t take anyone to jail. Instead they bring a doctor
with them.
The doctor is nice, he smiles and shakes Howard's hand, then Steve's, and says,
"It is very nice to meet you, Mr. Stark. And you as well, Mr. Rogers. My name
is Doctor Erskine. I know that you are both very confused, but I promise you,
that I am here to help. I'd like to talk to each of you privately. Is that all
right?"
"Why?" Steve puts his arm around Howard's shoulders and gives Doctor Erskine an
wary look.
"You parents are afraid you've hurt each other. I want to make sure that hasn’t
happened."
"We didn’t hurt each other," Howard says. "Please don't send us to jail!"
"No one is going to jail, Mr. Stark. I promise." The doctor smiles and holds
out his hand. "You first, Mr. Stark."
Howard exchanges a glance with Steve, who sighs and pulls away. He doesn’t take
the doctor's hand but does follow him into his father's study. He sits down in
one of his father's leather chairs and sits as still as possible.
Doctor Erskine perches himself on the desk and stares at Howard a moment.
"Would you like to tell me what happened today?"
He shrugs. "Nothing. We just… we were playing."
"You were playing a very grown up game. You know that, don't you?"
"I wanted to know what it was like." His face grows hot. "My brother has
magazines and I took one. There was a picture of… of two women and… and…" He
can't say the rest. He stares at the carpet.
"And what was it like?" Doctor Erskine asks softly.
"Nice." Howard rubs his nose. "It made me feel happy. Inside. Right here." He
touches his stomach.
"That's all? Just happy?"
"And quiet." Howard licks his lips. "Steve stroked my hair and it made me feel
quiet, too. Quiet and happy."
Doctor Erskine tilts his head. "Have you ever felt that before in Steven's
presence?"
"No, just today." Howard looks up and his hands are trembling. "Is there
something wrong with me?"
"No, there is nothing wrong with you, Mr. Stark. Nothing at all. You're just a
bit ahead of the curve."
"Oh," he says, though he still doesn't understand.
Doctor Erskine asks him a few more questions, takes a blood sample, and sends
him out. "Please ask Steven to come in."
Steve is in there much longer than Howard. When he comes out of the room, pale
and shaky, he tells their parents. "He wants to talk to you." He settles next
to Howard on the couch. Neither of them say anything, but Steve leans against
him.
*****
Steve's parents drag him away soon after their talk with Doctor Erskine. Howard
doesn't leave his spot on the couch. He's confused and worried and… he wants to
know what's going on but is afraid to ask.
His dad doesn’t look at him, doesn't talk to him, just goes straight down to
the workshop. His mom sits down next to him and stares at him for a moment.
"Do you know what's happening, Howard?" she asks, in a gentle voice.
He looks up at her and shakes his head.
She gives him a sad smile and strokes his hair. "Steve is your soulmate. You
both presented today."
He doesn't understand, that can't be. He's only ten. Steve is only ten. People
don't present until they're older, like Eddie did when he was fourteen. His
lower lip trembles and his shakes his head again. This doesn't make any sense.
"Howard, baby, you're a submissive."
He opens his mouth to deny it, to tell her that she's wrong, but instead of
words, a sob escapes his lips. Then another and another and before he knows it,
he's crying. He tries to stop, he does, but that only makes it worse.
"Oh, sweetheart." His mom gathers him up, holds him close, and croons softly.
*****
Howard has been Steve's submissive for four years, so he doesn't even bother
knocking anymore. He just walks into Steve's room, drops his backpack on the
floor, kicks off his shoes, and flops into Steve's bed with a groan.
Steve looks up from his sketchbook. "Long day?"
"You have no idea!" He buries his face in Steve's pillows and breathes deep,
letting Steve's scent wash over him, calm him.
Steve sits on the bed and gently rubs between Howard's shoulder blades and the
rest of the tension bleeds from his body. "Tell me about it, Howard."
"Just the usual." He lifts his head and Steve hisses softly.
"What happened to your face?" Steve touches his left eye and Howard winces.
Oh, right. "My dad," he says and Steve clenches his jaw. "It's not important."
"It is important!" Steve strokes the nape of Howard's neck before pulling him
close. "Why does he do this to you?"
Howard buries his face against Steve's neck and closes his eyes against the
sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. "You know why. He thinks that I'm weak
because I'm a submissive. And he thinks I'm gay."
"But you're not!" Steve lets out a huff of frustration.
"Yeah, well, my dom and soulmate is a guy. So, go figure." He hums softly, then
Steve nuzzles the pulse point on his neck. He snickers and shoves Steve away.
"That tickles, you asshole!"
Steve leans back against the headboard and grins. "Is that any way to talk to
your dom?"
He rolls his eyes. "Oh, please, sir, forgive me."
Suddenly, Steve pounces and Howard yelps and tries to get away. But it's not so
easy now, Steve is starting to fill out and grow up. Soon he's got Howard
pinned face-first to the mattress. "You're a naughty boy," Steve says, laughing
when Howard tells him to fuck off. "And naughty boys get spanked." He smacks
Howard on the butt and Howard freezes. "Howard?"
Howard's mouth is dry and his nerves are jangled and he's trying to figure out
what he feels.
"You need to safeword, Howard?" Steve asks, nervously.
He shakes his head and swallows hard. "Do it again?" Steve does and he shudders
because it hurts and but it feels nice, too. It feels… not sexual, like all
those porn magazines say it feels, but it feels steadying. It's hard to explain
even to himself. "You can do it again," he says, his voice hoarse. "If you
want."
Steve does, over and over, until Howard's butt hurts and his eyes sting with
tears and he's a little hard—though, that's all right, sometimes looking at his
lunch makes him hard. Steve doesn’t stop until Howard lets out a quiet sob,
then he strokes Howard's hair. "You all right, Howard?"
He rubs his face against the blankets and sniffles. "My butt hurts."
"I'm sorry!" Steve sounds so upset.
"No, no, it's okay. I… It's okay. Actually, I… I feel a lot better." And he
does. The sick feeling he got when they were talking about his dad is gone. He
rolls over and winces as his backside hits the mattress.
"Really?" Steve looks skeptical.
"Yeah, really." He rubs his eyes. "I'm kinda thirsty, though."
"I'll get you some juice." Steve strokes his cheek and Howard leans into the
touch. "Are you sure that you're all right?"
"Quit domming me, Rogers, and get me some juice. I'm gonna die of thirst." It's
embarrassing how protective Steve is of him. Although, okay, he likes it a bit.
Sometimes.
"Okay, okay. Pushy sub." Steve gives him a fond smile and then climbs out of
bed.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard starts dating. Steve says he's all right with that.
Howard is fifteen when he meets Maria Collins Carbonell at a school social.
He's going to an all boys school and sometimes the administrators allow the
girls from their sister school up the street to come over to foster stronger
ties with the opposite sex or some bullshit like that.
He doesn't join in, mostly because he's already got a soulmate and he gets
dirty looks from the teachers when he flirts (the teachers are all so fucking
old fashioned). Anyway, he doesn’t join in, but he does watch her from across
the room. She keeps looking over her shoulder at him and giggling with her
friends; he hopes that's a good sign.
Just as the girls are being ushered out to their bus, she runs over to him. "Do
you like movies?" She looks up at him through her eyelashes.
He blinks at her. "Um, yes," he stutters.
"Me, too." She smiles, blushing prettily, and pushes a piece of paper into his
hands. "Call me."
"Oh." He stares down at the paper in his hand. "Okay."
She touches his arm, then rushes out of the room, leaving him dazed and not a
bit confused.
*****
Steve is sitting on the couch when Howard walks into the apartment. A quick
glance tells him that Sarah is working, so he drops his backpack and kneels at
Steve's feet, propping his chin on Steve's knee. Steve strokes Howard's hair
and says, "How was school?"
Howard smiles and rubs his cheek against Steve's thigh. "They shipped girls in
for us."
Steve rolls his eyes. "Another school social, huh?"
"They're trying to nip any homoerotic fumbling in the bud." He thinks about
Maria and the slip of paper in his hand. "A girl gave me her number." Steve's
hand stops and Howard looks up at him; "She was really pretty."
"Oh." Steve swallows and runs his fingers through Howard's hair. "You gonna
call her?"
"I don't know. Can I call her?"
"I'm not the boss of you, Howard." Steve snatches his hand away and Howard
makes a sound of protest.
"Actually, you are." Howard gets to his feet and sits next to Steve, snuggling
close. "But that's not what I meant. I don't want to call her if it's gonna
hurt you."
"I know you're not gay or bisexual. I know you only like girls." Steve tips his
head back and stares up at the ceiling.
"Steve, c'mon. You're my soulmate. Tell me not to and I won't." He puts an arm
around Steve and lays his head on Steve's shoulder.
Steve lets out a huff and presses a kiss to Howard's hair. "You should go out
with her if you want to."
"It won't hurt you?"
"No, it won't. Like you said, we're soulmates. We'll always be soulmates, no
matter how many girls you date."
Howard pulls away and grins at him. "You're the best."
Steve snorts and gives him a little shove. "Shut up and kneel on the floor."
He laughs and slides down onto his knees.
*****
Howard picks up Maria at her condo. Well, he and Mr. Rogers do because he's not
quite old enough to drive. It's weird, because Mr. Rogers is Steve's dad and
Steve is his soulmate. But Mr. Rogers is a professional about it.
She's waiting for him in front of her building, so when the car drives up, she
bounds forward, opening the car door and sliding in before he can get out and
greet her.
"Hi," she says, adjusting her skirt and smiling at him.
"Hi." He smiles back and clasps his hands in his lap. "So, um, I thought we
could grab some hamburgers before the movie. Is that all right?"
"Oh, yeah, that's great." Maria fidgets a bit. "I'm still a little surprised
that you called me."
"Why's that?"
She shrugs. "My friends told me you already have a soulmate."
"Oh." He glances up at Mr. Rogers, whose face is as blank as a mask. "Yeah,
yeah, I do. But he… he's okay with me going on dates. Our relationship isn't
like that. I don't like boys."
"Really?" Maria looks at him in fascination. "I didn't even know that was
possible."
"It doesn't happen very often, but it happens." He tentatively reaches out and
touches her arm. "But let's not talk about that, okay? Tell me about yourself.
What do you like to do in your spare time?"
She grins at him. "Oh, I like you!"
*****
The date is fantastic. Maria loves chemistry, asks for extra bacon on her
burger, and steals his fries. They watch Brave and share a tub of popcorn and a
big box of Junior Mints. He walks her up to her condo and she gives him a kiss
on the cheek.
God, she's great and he can't wait to tell Steve. So Howard just has Mr. Rogers
drive them to Brooklyn.
Steve looks surprised when Howard bounds into the room and flops on the ground
next to him. So much so that Steve winds up dying rather spectacularly in the
video game he's playing. "What are you doing here?"
Howard raises an eyebrow and takes the controller from Steve's hands. "Playing
video games?"
"What about your date?"
"She has a curfew. *I* have a curfew." Howard bumps Steve's shoulder. "Besides,
whisking her off to Monte Carlo seems like s second date thing, doesn't it?"
"Sure it does." Steve snorts and rolls his eyes. "So it went well?"
"Yeah. She's really nice, Steve. Nice and smart and… and she doesn’t mind that
I have a soulmate. I think you'd like her." He glances at Steve nervously.
"Well, maybe I'll meet her someday. You know, if you two keep dating."
Howard nods, then leans his head on Steve's shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Steve puts his arm around Howard and squeezes gently. "I'm glad you
had a nice date. I just want you to be happy, Howard."
Howard closes his eyes and lets his happiness bubble up. "I am, Steve. I'm so
happy."
*****
Maria is lovely and his parents love her; she even manages to charm Steve.
Oh and she's an amazing kisser. They spend hours kissing, until their lips are
swollen and Howard's achingly hard. She lets him feel her breasts and finger
her. She even strokes him off.
Everything is great, until he brings up sex.
"No," she says, pushing his hands away from her panties.
"Why not?" He's not trying to be one of those guys, the kind that pressure, but
they've been going out for six months and they've done almost everything but
sex.
"Howard, you're a great guy and I… I really, *really* like you."
"But?" There's always a 'but' with a start like that.
"But I’m saving myself for my dom. I want my first time to be with him… or
her." She frowns. "I would think if anyone would understand, it'd be you."
"I’m not—"
"I know." She rolls her eyes and buttons up her shirt. "But why does that even
matter? Steve's your soulmate, he's your *dom*. Don't you want to make him
happy?"
"I do make him happy!" Howard blinks, stung by her words.
"I don’t think us sleeping together would make him happy. No matter how much of
a nice guy he is." She slips on her shoes and finger combs her hair.
"I make him happy."
Maria lets out a huff and kisses him. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"
After she's gone, he picks up the phone and calls Steve. "Hey, can you come
over?"
"It's ten," Steve says.
"You can stay the night." He swallows hard. "Please, Steve? I'll pay for the
cab. *Please*?" He must sound upset or desperate because Steve quickly tells
Howard that he'll see him in a half hour.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard's dad is an asshole.
When Steve comes racing into the room, Howard drops to his knees and presses
his face to Steve's stomach.
"H-Howard," Steve says, surprised, and gently massages Howard's scalp.
He relaxes into the touch, breathing in the smell of Steve: laundry detergent
and Old Spice.
"What's going on, Howard?" Steve keeps his voice calm and soft, like Howard is
going to go crazy if he doesn't.
Howard looks up, feeling wound up and terrible. "Do I make you happy?"
"What?" Steve blinks down at him.
"Do I make you happy?" Oh God, he doesn't. He doesn't make Steve happy. Maria
was right. He makes a soft keening sound and hides his face against Steve.
"No! Hey, no, none of that." Steve grips Howard by the hair and tilts his head
back. "Of course you make me happy. Who… Who told you that you didn't? Your
dad? Howard, you know your dad is full of it. You make very happy. So very
happy."
He opens his mouth to tell Steve about what Maria said. He really does plan on
telling Steve, but what comes out is, "Will you stay with me tonight?"
"Yes." Steve grabs him by the upper arms and tugs him to his feet. "Now go get
ready for bed. Go on."
When they're in bed, and the room is dark, Howard clings to Steve in a way that
he hasn't since they were kids and Howard was afraid of monsters. "Steve," he
whispers.
"Hmm." Steve gently rubs between his shoulder blades.
"Do you want to have sex with me?" For some reason he's afraid of how Steve
might answer.
Steve freezes. "Howard, go to sleep."
"Do you? Steve?" In the quiet of the room, his voice sounds so loud.
"Yeah."
He swallows hard. "You can—"
"Shut up. Just shut up." Steve sounds more tired than angry, but Howard still
cringes.
"I just…" He doesn't know how to finish the sentence,
"I know. But it would make me unhappy if you had sex with me because you
thought you had to and not because you wanted to."
His eyes sting and he rubs them. "I wish I wanted to have sex with you."
"I know that, too." Steve takes a deep breath. "Maybe you will someday. And if
you do, that'll be… amazing."
"And if I don't?" he asks softly.
"You're my soulmate and I love you. That won't change, even if we never have
sex."
"I'm sorry." And he is, he really is.
"Be quiet, Howard. We've got school tomorrow."
"I will, in a second. I just—" He's interrupted by Steve's very loud huff. "I
just wanted to say that I love you, too, you asshole."
Steve laughs and kisses his forehead. "Go to sleep, jerk."
Howard sniffles. "Don't have to listen to you."
"Yeah, you do. I'm the boss of you, remember."
He lets out a snort and snuggles closer to Steve.
*****
Howard is almost out the door—almost being the operative word—when his mom
calls his name. He considers pretending that he hadn't heard her, but she says
his name again. He sighs and backtracks to the living room.
"Yes, Mom?" he says, shifting his overnight back from one hand to another.
"Where are you going, honey?" She's sitting on the couch, a drink in one hand,
magazine in the other.
"I'm staying the weekend at Steve's." And he'll be late if he doesn't hurry.
"Why don't you stay home this weekend, Howard?" She sets down her glass on the
coffee table. "We hardly see you."
They never did. "Aww, c'mon, Mom! Steve's waiting."
"You can see him on Monday."
"But—"
"Howard," she snaps, "call him and tell him you'll be staying home this
weekend."
He considers throwing at temper tantrum, but Dad's home and… and Dad has a
heavy hand. "Yes, Mom." He turns and stomps upstairs.
*****
Dinner is quiet, but then dinner is always quiet. It's unlike the Rogers'
household where everyone talks about their day or the plans or even just joke
around and laugh. It's quiet and Howard hates it. Mom is staring at her plate,
picking at her food, and Dad is drinking more than he's eating.
Howard shovels down as much food as he can, then asks to be dismissed.
"No. You don't leave the table until I'm done," Dad says and he's slurring his
words.
He knows he should keep his trap shut, he knows he should, but he's not just
going to sit here. "I've got homework."
"Howard," Mom hisses.
"Well, I do! If I have to stay here for the weekend, I might as well get it
done early!" He pushes his chair back, making sure the legs scrape the floor
loudly, and gets to his feet.
"Sit down." Dad says, finishing off his tumbler of whiskey.
Howard's heart is pounding in his chest, but he lifts his chin and stares at
his dad and responds with a very clear, "No."
Never let it be said that Howard Stark Sr. doesn't have good aim, even when
he's stinking drunk. He throws the very heavy crystal tumbler at Howard and…
And if Howard hadn't turned his head, it would have smashed his face in.
Instead, it catches him in the temple and his last thought before blacking out
is, "Fuck that hurts."
*****
Howard wakes up to a pounding headache and blurry vision, but he's seen enough
hospital rooms to know where he is. He tries to move his head, but the smallest
movement makes his head throb and he moans.
"Easy, Howard. Don't move." Steve moves into his line of vision and takes his
hand.
"Head hurts," he grates out. "W-What happened?"
Steve clenches his jaw. "You don't remember? Your parents said you tripped and
hit your head."
He frowns; somehow that doesn't sound quite right.
"I know he hurt you, Howard. I know he did." Steve's grip on his hand becomes
painful and he lets out a little whimper. "Oh, shoot! Sorry."
"Nothing you can do. Neither of us is of age." He licks his lips; his mouth is
dry.
"I'll be sixteen in four months and you a month after. That's the age of
consent in New York." Steve pours Howard a cup of water and has him drink from
a bendy straw. "I could collar you."
Howard drinks gratefully, then sighs. "And what? Live with you and your parents
in your tiny apartment? I couldn't do that. Be a burden to them like that."
"It wouldn't be a burden."
God, his head hurts; he closes his eyes. "My dad would fire yours, then he'd
stiff me on my inheritance." By law, his dad has to give Steve enough money to
pay for Howard's education. But Howard knows his dad, knows how spiteful the
man is: it would be just enough for a community college or trade school. "I
just need to stick it out until we're both established. Until…" He stops; he's
slurring his words.
"We'll talk about it later, when you feel better."
Howard hums and lets sleep overtake him.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard goes to stay with the Rogers' after his hospitalization. Both
     Bucky and Peggy show up for visits with Steve.
Howard's parents don't even protest when Steve takes him home to Brooklyn.
Steve thinks that maybe they feel guilty, but Howard thinks it's more like they
don't want the hassle of taking care of him—he loves his mom, he does, but she
left most of the childrearing to the nannies. Still, he isn't going to complain
about it. He likes staying with Steve; Sarah always hugs him and gives him
cookies and Joseph, well, Joseph always has a kind word.
And really, how can he complain about the fact that he gets to stay with Steve,
where it's warm and safe? It's where he belongs.
He sleeps a lot those first few days out of the hospital. He wakes up long
enough to take his medication, eat, and piss. Despite Sarah and Joseph's
protests, Steve sleeps next to him, arm around Howard's waist, nose pressed
against Howard's neck.
When Howard has nightmares, he has horrible nightmares filled with blood and
pain and loneliness, Steve wakes him, murmuring softly into his ear, chasing
away the shadows.
"I love you," he says, he always says, and Steve grumbles softly and nuzzles
behind Howard's ear, before drifting off to sleep. Howard never falls back to
sleep as quickly as Steve. Instead, he stares up into the darkness of the room,
listening to Steve breathe.
*****
"C'mon," whispers a voice, loud enough to wake Howard. "He's sleeping; he's not
gonna miss you. We'll go out, play some ball with the guys for a few hours, and
be back in time for you to wipe his ass."
"Be quiet," another voice whispers back. "You're going to wake him up. Go back
to the living room while I find that DVD."
Howard lies there for a while, eyes closed, listening to the two voices argue
back and forth. His head hurts and for a while he's not sure why there are two
people ransacking his room. Then he opens his eyes a crack and sees Steve and
his brain reengages. Oh, right, he is in Steve's apartment, in Steve's room
(and bed). So of course it's Steve. Steve and… ugh, Bucky.
Howard stretches and rubs his eyes. "You don't have to whisper, I'm awake."
The bed shifts as Steve sits down and lays a hand on Howard's neck, massaging
gently. "We didn't mean to wake you."
"Speak for yourself," Bucky says.
"It's alright, Steve." He smiles and sits up. He ignores Bucky's comment and
wraps his arms around Steve, lifting his chin so that Steve can nuzzle his
neck. He knows that Bucky hates it when they're affectionate with each other,
so he plays it up.
Bucky makes a retching sound, but Steve just laughs and noses Howard's neck,
breathing in deeply. "Are you feeling all right?"
"My head hurts a little," Howard says, shivering a little when Steve presses
his tongue against a pulse point, then bites gently—Bucky's an unbonded Dom and
Howard should be used to the display of dominance.
"You wanna pain pill?" Steve mumbles against his neck and Howard shakes his
head; they make everything fuzzy. "Me and Bucky are gonna watch Terminator, if
I can find the DVD. You think you're well enough to come watch with us?"
Howard looks at Bucky and smiles: Bucky scowls. "I don't want to be in the
way," he says. "I know you and Bucky need your bro time."
"Don’t be silly, Howard." Steve rubs Howard's back and lifts his head to look
at Bucky. "You don't mind, do you, Bucky."
"Naw, I don't mind," Bucky says pleasantly. "He's your little bitch, after
all."
"Bucky! That's not nice!"
Howard buries his face against Steve's shoulder, as if he's upset. He can feel
the tension in Steve's body and he fights back a smirk.
"Sorry, sorry! I was just joking. Geez, don't be so sensitive, guys. Of course,
Howard can watch with us."
Fifteen minutes later, Howard is curled up against Steve, being fed popcorn
while Bucky scowls at him. They don't find Terminator, but Star Wars is better
anyway.
*****
Howard's been staying with Steve for three weeks when he meets Peggy Carter.
He walks in the door after a long day at school—seriously, some fucking doms
and their need to boss around people who are not theirs!—to find Steve sitting
on the couch next to a beautiful dark-haired girl. She's wearing a bright red
lipstick that matches her dress. They're sitting very close. And Steve is
*blushing*. Blushing!
Howard slams the door and says, loudly, "Hi!"
Steve looks startled, but the girl, the *gorgeous* girl who has her hand on
Steve's thigh, smiles brightly. Something eases in Howard, just a bit, when he
realizes that she's a domme.
"Oh, you must be Howard," she says, getting to her feet on one swift movement.
She holds out her hand and he shakes it. "I'm Peggy, Peggy Carter. I'm a friend
of Steve's from school."
"Nice to meet you." He hurries to Steve's side and sinks to his knees. There's
something about this girl that unsettles him.
Steve rests a hand on his back and smiles down at him. "How was school?"
"Fine." He fights the urge to press his face to Steve's thigh and instead
smiles back. "What were you two doing?"
Peggy sits back down and raises an eyebrow. "We were talking about classes. I'm
still trying to catch up."
"Oh." Howard tries to keep his tone neutral. "So where are you from?"
"London. I'm staying with relatives while my parents have a messy divorce."
His face flushes. "Sorry."
She shrugs. "Don't be. I’m not." She looks at her watch and lets out a curse.
"I better go. I'm going to be late for dinner if I don't leave now. Don’t get
up Steve, I can show myself out. I'll see you tomorrow. It was nice to meet
you, Howard."
"You, too," he says, and it's not quite a lie. He watches as she gathers her
things and leaves. Then he looks up at Steve. "She likes you."
Steve flushes and pets Howard's head. "Yeah, well, I kinda like her too."
"You do?" He bites the inside of his cheek.
"Yeah. She's smart and funny and… and she's a domme. So she knows how it is
with me and you." Steve tangles his fingers in Howard's hair. "She knows that
you'll always come first."
Howard heart pounds in his chest. "Are you gonna date her?"
"I want to, but I won't if you say no."
He thinks about it, about saying no, but he knows he can't. Not with him dating
Maria. "I'd have to be some kind of hypocritical jerk to say no, wouldn't I?"
Steve shakes his head. "You can say no. I won't get mad or think you're a jerk.
You can say no."
But he won't because he wants Steve to be happy. "You should date her. You
should date her and have fun. Hey, maybe we could even go on double-dates!"
"Yeah." Steve gives Howard a big smile. "Yeah, that would be… great. Just
great."
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Summary
     Steve starts dating. Howard isn't a happy camper.
A few days later, Howard goes home. He doesn't want to go home, not really, but
Steve is constantly on the phone with Peggy: laughing and talking and making
plans to do this or that. It's annoying and it makes Howard want to grab
Steve's cellphone and smash it into little tiny pieces.
So he goes home and when that gets to be too much, he goes to Maria's.
"So your boyfriend has a girlfriend," Maria says, leaning down to press a soft
kiss to his mouth.
"Stop calling him that." Howard slips a hand under her shirt and cups her
through her bra.
She moans softly and wiggles against him. "It doesn't bother you?"
"Why would it bother me?" He pinches her nipple and licks the side of her neck.
"Mmm. Well, he's a dom, so he's probably going to have sex with her—ouch,
fuck!" She shoves him away and rubbed her breast. "That fucking hurt!"
"Oh, shit. Sorry, I… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean. Baby… Maria… I'm sorry." He
gently rubs her arm, then hugs her. He wonders if Steve and Peggy have already
fucked. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine." She leans against him and he kisses her hair.
"You don't really think they'll have sex, do you?" he blurts out because he
can't stop thinking about it now.
"What?" Maria pulls away and gives him an incredulous look.
"I just mean…" He shrugs. "You won't have sex with me…"
She stares at him for a few seconds, then shakes her head. "Yeah, I think they
will. Everyone knows that doms have a high sex drive and if you're not going to
give it to Steve, well, he deserves to get it somewhere, doesn't it?"
Something ugly twists in Howard's belly. It must show on his face because Maria
sighs loudly.
"Really, Howard, you can't have it both ways. You can't happily date and have
sex with whoever you want and expect him to sit at home twiddling his thumbs."
"We're not having sex," he says, and his voice his trembling.
"Only because I'm saving myself. What happens when I find my soulmate and we
break up? What happens when you date someone else who won't mind having sex
with someone they're not bonded to?" She rolls her eyes and begins
straightening her clothes.
"Yeah, but—"
"Oh, god!" She scrambles to her feet. "I'm going home. Call me when you're done
angsting over your weird relationship with your soulmate."
"Maria, wait!" He gets to his feet and grabs her arm; she jerks out of his
grip.
"I get it, Howard, I do. And I'm fine playing second fiddle. I'd just like it
if you pretended a bit harder when we were together." She sighs. "Look, call me
in a couple of days. We'll go to a movie or something."
Before he can respond, she storms out. He rubs the bridge of his nose and
groans. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
*****
Howard sends her two-dozen roses and a diamond tennis bracelet. Then he calls
her and asks if they're still on for their weekend at her parents' vacation
house in Cape Cod. She thanks him for the roses and the bracelet, but tells him
she needs some time to think.
Don't call me, I'll call you, she tells him before hanging up the phone.
He flops back on the bed with a sigh. Ugh, girls are so complicated.
*****
He finishes his homework for the month, then watches some TV. And when he's
bored with that, he pulls out his idea notebook and tinkers around with his arc
reactor idea. If he can miniaturize it, it'll revolutionize clean energy for
the world.
He gets stuck, like he always does, and he sets aside his notes before he tears
them into confetti out of frustration.
Maybe he'll go visit Steve. Yeah, yeah, he'll visit Steve.
*****
He uses his key to unlock the front door—Sarah works nightshifts and his
knocking used to wake her—and heads to Steve's room. The door's closed, which
is unusual, but Howard doesn't really think about it. It's unusual but not
unheard of.
Anyway, Howard opens the door and—And they're not having sex. They are not
having sex. Both Steve and Peggy are still in their underwear. But they're
going at it hot and heavy. Steve's got his fingers… it looks like he's got his
fingers inside of her, and she's kissing him like she wants to crawl inside of
him, her hands kneading his ass.
And it's not sex. It's not, not, not, not!
Howard's stomach clenches and he makes a sound, a small sound, and they
shouldn't be able to hear him, but Steve's head snaps up and looks over and…
Howard hastily backs out of the room, shutting the door. His head is pounding
and his breath is coming in harsh gasps and his eyes sting. And fuck, they
aren't having sex. They—He rubs his eyes and stumbles towards the front door.
He's almost there, almost, when Steve grabs him by the back of his t-shirt.
"Howard," Steve says, "Howard, are you okay? What are you doing here? I
thought… I thought you and Maria were going out of town."
He squeezes his eyes closed and fights to get his breathing under control.
"Maybe I should go," Peggy says.
God, he hates her. He wants to scream at her and throw things at her and
instead he whimpers and Steve hugs him and holds him close.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess you should." Steve's voice is soft and he's rubbing
Howard's back. "I'll call you later."
Steve smells like her: her perfume and her skin and her sex and it's driving
Howard crazy. Why the fuck is it driving him crazy?
"Come on, Howard. Come on. Let's go to my room." Steve half-carries, half drags
him, and he doesn't fucking care. When Steve gets him to the bed, he
practically crawls into Steve's lap and clings. "Shh, shh, easy now.
Everything's okay."
But it's not. God, it's not, because her smell is *everywhere*. Howard lifts
his head and looks at Steve. "I can do better. I can be better. I can be so
much better, Steve, I can, I can, I can." And Steve's confused, he can see
that, but it's all right because… he kisses Steve, hot and hard, trying to show
Steve how much better he is. Steve lets out a surprised gasp and Howard takes
advantage of that, he slips his tongue into Steve's mouth, replacing her taste
with his. Steve kisses back, hands in Howard's hair, holding him still. He can
feel that Steve is hard and he wiggles, pulling a moan from Steve.
It's perfect, it is, because Steve is happy and he wants to make Steve happy
because it makes *him* happy and it doesn't matter if he's not hard, not
aroused because… because *Steve*.
But then, then Steve pulls away and Howard lets out a groan of disappointment.
"Wait, " Steve says as Howard tries to kiss him. "Wait, Howard. No, wait!"
The next thing Howard knows, he's flat on his back, Steve straddling his hips
and pinning his hands over his head. "Steve?"
"Stop." Steve's panting and Howard arches up. "I said, stop!"
Howard stills, tears filling his eyes. "Steve, please."
"What are you doing? What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm better than her. She can't give you what you need, not like me," he says,
and fuck he knows he's rambling but he can't stop. "I'll do anything you want.
Steve, I'll do anything. I swear, you can do anything to me."
A look of horror crosses Steve's face and, oh, Steve doesn't want him. Steve
doesn't—
Howard closes his eyes and just bawls. He doesn't care how humiliating it is,
because he feels horrible, he feels like he's careening through space and he
can't stop.
"Howard." Steve lets go of his hands and gathers him close.
Howard buries his face in Steve's chest and sobs, "You smell like her!"
"I… Oh, oh, shit!" Steve wipes Howards face and says, "Listen, you need to stop
crying. Howard, stop it! Take a deep breath and stop okay? I love you, I love
you and Peggy is not taking your place. She… Dammit! I'm going to go take a
shower. I want you to kneel on the floor and wait for me. Do you understand?"
He nods and does his best to stop crying. But it's hard, so hard. What's wrong
with him? When Steve leaves the room, Howard crawls off the bed and kneels on
the floor, shaking and gasping out sobs.
Steve isn’t gone long and when he comes back into the room, he changes the
sheets on the bed, then orders Howard under the covers. Then Steve holds him,
stroking his hair and murmuring.
It's better, now Steve smells like himself. "I'm sorry," Howard says. "I don't…
I don't know what's going on."
"I think you just freaked out a little, that's all. It's all right. I freaked
out too, you know. When you started dating Maria. It's just the bond acting up.
It… it gets easier."
Howard isn't sure he believes that, but he doesn't feel like contradicting
Steve. "Are you gonna sleep with her?"
Steve is quiet for a moment and Howard's stomach clenches. "No, no, I'm not
going to sleep with her. I won't sleep with anyone without your okay. But you
gotta do the same for me, Howard. You can't sleep with anyone without getting
my permission first."
He nods because that's fair and it make the sick feeling in his stomach ease.
"Yes, I promise."
"Okay." Steve kisses his forehead. "How do you feel?"
"Better. A little better." He takes a deep breath. "Can I stay here tonight?"
"Always." Steve smiles at him. "You can always stay here."
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard is willing to do what it takes to take care of Steve.
He wakes up sprawled across Steve and he lets out a happy sigh, nuzzling
Steve's chest, feeling warm and safe and happy, so very happy. Then he
remembers how he flipped out the day before and his face goes hot with
embarrassment. God, Steve must think he's a freak. Maybe he is a freak. The
idea of what Steve and Peggy were doing yesterday makes him queasy and upset.
Steve had his fingers in her and she probably… she probably sucked him off. She
probably had her mouth on Steve's cock and he probably came and…
And it's Howard's job to make Steve happy, not Peggy's. He takes a deep breath
and shifts slightly; Steve's hard against his hip, that's not unusual. He bets
touching Steve is a lot like touching himself. He bets it's exactly like it.
He licks his lips and strokes Steve through his pants, gently at first, feeling
Steve grow harder, then more firmly. Yeah, that's not so bad.
Steve's face flushes and he moans, eyes fluttering open.
Oh. Howard's heart pounds and he's panting; he doesn't know why he's scared.
Steve arches into his touch and frowns in confusion. "H-Howard?" Steve groans
when Howard squeezes gently. "What… What are you—?"
"I want… I want…" For a moment, he's not sure what he wants, then it hits him.
"I wanna blow you. Please, Steve. Please? Let me… I… Please?" He unbuttons
Steve's jeans and pulls down the zipper. If she's blown Steve, then Howard will
show how much better at it he is. And if she hasn't, well then he'll have got
there first.
"You what?" Steve stares at him, mouth open, panting.
Jesus. Howard surges up and kisses Steve on the mouth. "Please… sir?"
Steve shudders and gasps softly. "You sure?"
No. Maybe. "Yes. Yes, I'm sure."
Steve lifts his hips and Howard tugs down his jeans and underwear. Then Steve
touches Howard's cheek, rubs his thumb along Howard's bottom lip. "What's your
safeword, Howard?"
Howard's hands are shaking, and his chest hurts and he feels like he wants to
cry. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Ada, but I don't need to
use it." He wraps his hand around Steve's cock and gives it a couple of tugs.
Steve cries out and thrusts up, precome spurting out of the tip.
He swallows hard, then gives the head a sloppy lick. He expects it to taste
gross: bitter and thick and salty and enough to make him want to gag—he's never
tasted himself, but he's read enough porn—but it doesn't. It doesn't taste
gross. It's bitter, sure, but it must be a soulmate thing because the taste
makes his mouth water. He looks at Steve and smiles; Steve smiles back.
"I'll take care of you," he says, then opens his mouth wide and takes what he
can into his mouth. Steve makes a strangled sound and grips Howard's hair, hard
enough to hurt a little, but he doesn't care because wow. Oh, wow. He's not
hard, it doesn't make him hard, but Steve's cock in his mouth feels amazing.
It's thick and hot and hard and it tastes wonderful and he feels like he does
when Steve ties him up or spanks him or strokes his hair, like happiness is
bubbling up from the pit of his stomach.
He squeezes and strokes what he can't get in his mouth and sucks what is. He's
not great at it, he keeps choking and spit is dripping down his chin and his
eyes are watering. But hell, Steve is thrusting up and moaning and tugging at
Howard's hair like it's the best blowjob ever. And fuck if that doesn't make
him feel even better about the whole thing.
Who cares if he's not hard? Steve's happy and he's happy and they're happy
together. And suddenly, Steve gives a strangled cry and the taste of come in
Howard's mouth intensifies. He sucks harder, trying not to lose any of the
taste, until Steve softens. He lets the cock slip from his mouth with a sigh
and flops onto his back.
Steve lets out a breathy laugh and wipes Howard's chin clean. Then, before
Howard can stop him, he gropes at Howard's crotch.
"Hey," he says, shoving Steve's hand away.
"You're not hard." And boy does Steve sound upset about it. "You didn't like
it. You—"
"Yes, I did!" Howard leans up on his elbows and glares at Steve. "I did so like
it!"
"You didn't get a hard on!" Steve hisses angrily.
"So what? So what if I didn’t? I like ice cream and swimming and differential
equations and none of those give me a hard on!" He tries to keep his voice down
because the walls are thin and he doesn't want Sarah and Joseph to hear them
arguing. "I'm not a fucking baby, Steve. I know what I want and I can make my
own decisions. Maybe I didn't get hard, but it made me feel good in different
ways. It made me feel good here." He touches his head, then he touches his
stomach. "And here. So stop being an asshole dom, okay?"
Steve clenches his jaw and for a moment Howard thinks he's going to push, then
he sighs and Howard relaxes. "I'm pretty sure that differential equations do
give you a hard on."
Howard fights to keep from smiling, but his mouth twitches and Steve grins.
"You're a jackass."
Steve pounces and Howard yelps as he's pinned to the mattress. "I'm gonna kiss
you now."
He wrinkles his nose. "Disgusting," he says, lifting his mouth up for a kiss.
Steve chuckles and kisses him slow and deep, with lots of tongue.
For a moment, he's jealous of whoever taught Steve to kiss like this—probably
Peggy—then he pushes the jealousy aside and relaxes into it.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Summary
     Steve and Howard's relationship progresses, Howard Sr. deserves to be
     punched, and Maria likes to touch things.
Howard lies back on the bed, half-naked, the taste of Steve lingering in his
mouth, and stares up at the ceiling, feeling warm and dazed, feeling like his
bones have melted. Steve smiles and kisses him, soft but thorough. Howard makes
a sound in the back of his throat and wraps his arms around Steve.
"I like you like this. You're so…" Steve chuckles, licks along Howard's jaw,
and then nuzzles his neck.
Howard smiles and lifts his chin. He concentrates on the feel of Steve's mouth
on his neck, his shoulders, his chest, tracking the sting of broken
capillaries.
"Love you," Steve says against his nipple and it hardness.
He hums and spreads his legs so Steve can lie between them. "Love you." He
sounds drunk, and maybe he is a little, drunk on happiness and pleasure and
Steve.
"Howard." Steve kisses down his chest and stomach and licks along the waistband
of his jeans, tongue dipping into his belly button.
He strokes Steve's hair and closes his eyes: Steve's mouth is hot and wet. And
it's good, it's so good, against his stomach, then Steve goes lower, mouths
Howard through his jeans. He makes a grumpy sound and frowns.
Steve sighs and says, "Sorry. Sorry, just…" He rests his cheek against Howard's
thigh for a moment, then wiggles up Howard's body. "Can I tie you up?"
Howard tingles all the way down to his toes. Instead of answering, he lifts his
arms over his head and crosses his wrists.
"Can I dry hump you?" Steve asks as he uses a bit of rope to tie Howard's hands
together.
He wraps his legs around Steve's waist and Steve huffs a laugh against his
neck.
"I love you. God, I love you so much." Steve begins to rub up against him,
moaning softly.
Howard opens his eyes a crack and watches and catalogues every expression that
crosses Steve's face. When Steve comes, Howard flushes and gasps at the rush of
pleasure that races across his skin.
*****
Howard never sees it coming. In the not quite sixteen years of his life, it's
always a shock when his dad hits him.
This is no different.
Pain explodes across his face making his eyes water and the taste of blood
fills his mouth as he stumbles back from the blow. He gives a cry, which makes
his father sneer and backhand him again.
"What was that for?" he ask, hunching his shoulders and bracing himself for
another blow.
"You used my tools," Dad says and Howard can smell the booze on him.
"I didn't!" It's an automatic response. A stupid response, he needs to learn
how to keep his mouth shut.
"Are you calling me a liar?" Dad's voice goes soft and cold.
"No. No, I—" Howard's mouth goes dry and his stomach clenches.
"I think you're calling me a liar."
He closes his eyes.
*****
"It's just a broken nose," he tells Steve later. "I'm pretty sure I can still
give a blowjob."
Steve presses his lips together, his hands clenched, his body tense.
Howard can't help it, he just can't; he ducks his head and cringes. Steve looks
hurt, so hurt, and that just makes Howard feel worse. "I'm sorry," he whispers.
Steve sighs, tension bleeding out of his body slowly. "Howard. God, Howard.
Look, just… just kneel." He shudders and drops down onto his knees, hands on
his thighs. Steve touches him, once on the shoulder, then sits on the bed.
"Recite Pi to the hundredth place."
He laughs, slightly hysterical, and as he recites the numbers, the fear and
strain fade away to nothing.
*****
"You look like a raccoon." Maria makes a face and tries touching his nose
again.
"Maria!" He dodges her hand and moves to the other side of the bed to get away
from her. "It still hurts."
She rolls her eyes. "What happened again? You were hit by a baseball?"
"Basketball. Seriously, I'm pretty hopeless when it comes to sports." He hates
lying to her, and he's not even sure that she believes him, but he does it
anyway.
"Hmm." She wrinkles her nose and tilts her head. "You didn't get hit by that
ball so you wouldn't have to go on that double date, did you?"
"No," he says though that is a good idea. No, no, what's he saying? It's a
painful idea. Also, Steve would probably kill him if he hurt himself. "I did
not. And stop calling it that. It's not a double date. We're watching movies in
my room with Steve and Peggy. An actual double date would require us leaving
the house."
"We could!" Maria brightens. "We could go to the movies and dinner. Or…
bowling. Bowling is supposed to be fun."
It's his turn to make a face, or try to because, ow, fuck that hurts! "We're
not bowling. Bowling is loud and boring and you have to wear rental shoes. I
don’t even like playing bowling on my Wii. The four of us are staying in and
taking advantage of my parents' absence and my big screen TV."
"Ugh, you're not fun at all." She flops back on the bed and pouts.
"You're still dating me," he points out.
"Keep it up and I won't for long." She's not really upset, when she's really
upset she screams and stamps her foot.
"So you keep threatening, my dear." He reaches over and takes her hand. Maria
sighs deeply, but gives his hand a gentle squeeze; he smiles at her.
"I think I'm going to buy you a hockey mask for your birthday. You really do
look horrible with a broken nose," she says, because she can be sort of an
asshole.
He doesn't smack her with a pillow because he's a nice guy. Also, she would
probably smack him back and his face hurts enough. He does "accidentally" spill
soda on her new Fendi bag, though, because, nice guy or not, he can be an
asshole, sometimes, too.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard doesn't like cupcakes.
Everything is perfect: he has snacks and sodas—root beer for Steve and Cokes
for everyone else—the movie is cued up, and his girlfriend is sitting daintily
on the bed, arranging her flowered skirt so she doesn't flash her panties at
anyone. It's a pity really, because she has gorgeous panties: pale pink silk
that looks lovely against her skin. He fights the urge to slide a hand under
her skirt and touch them.
Instead, he runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. Is he forgetting
anything?
"Relax, Howard," Maria says, crossing her ankles and smiling. "Everything looks
wonderful."
"I know, I know. I just want everything to be nice for him. Them. For them."
Maria gives him a knowing look and he turns away. "I should go downstairs.
They'll be here in a few minutes. Steve's always on time."
"I'll stay here and rifle through your things." She smiles at him.
"Just keep away from the bottom drawer of my dresser. That's where I keep my
porn stash."
"Porn?" She yawns theatrically. "How stereotypical."
"Okay, but don't come crying to me if you get scarred for life!" Her laughter
follows him out the door. He makes it downstairs just in time for the knock on
the door. He checks his watch and smiles; yup, Steve is right on time. Howard
opens the door and considers flinging himself at Steve, but he doesn't because
Peggy's right there, smiling, a pink pastry box in her hands. "Um, hi," he says
awkwardly.
"Hello," they both respond, then Peggy thrusts the box into his hands. "I
brought cupcakes."
"You made cupcakes?" Maybe he should drop the box on "accident".
"No, she *bought* cupcakes." Steve slides past Howard into the house, Peggy
following him.
"Oh, well, thank you." He closes the door behind them and makes his way
upstairs. "Everything is set. Maria can't wait to meet you, Peggy."
"And I can't wait to meet her." Peggy takes Steve's hand and smiles; Howard
drops the box of cupcakes and it tumbles down a few steps.
Oops.
Steve frowns at Howard and picks up the box, but he doesn't say anything. So
Howard just shrugs and leads them the rest of the way to his room.
Maria jumps off the bed and smoothes down her skirt. Howard introduces her to
Peggy and watches as she blushes prettily and looks down at her feet.
"Hello," she says, fidgeting, hands clasped behind her back.
"Hello," Peggy murmurs, and gently tilts Maria's head up. "Steve didn't tell me
you were so pretty."
Maria's face turns even redder. "Thank you."
Howard looks from one girl to the other and raises an eyebrow. "Um, right. So…
movie?" He gently bumps Maria's shoulder and she blinks rapidly.
"Oh, right. Movie." She takes Howard's hand and he drags her back to the bed.
As he watches, Steve and Peggy exchange a look. Weird.
*****
He can't concentrate on the movie. He keeps looking over at Steve and Peggy who
are… they're not making out. But every once in awhile Peggy will lean in and
whisper something into Steve's ear and make him smile. Howard has to fight the
urge to throw a handful of popcorn or bag of M&Ms at them.
Instead, he stuffs his face and tries to press kisses to the side of Maria's
neck. He says tries because she keeps pushing him away and glaring at him. It's
weird because she *loves* having her neck kissed.
Whatever. This whole double date thing is a fiasco. He should never have
mentioned it. When the movie ends, Peggy stretches and says, brightly, "I'd
love another soda before we start the next movie."
"Oh, me, too!" Maria chimes in and smiles at Howard. "Get me another Coke,
Howard. Please?"
"Sure." He frowns at Maria, she never has more than one soda; she says it's bad
for her figure.
"Why don’t you help him, Steve? It'll give Maria and I a chance at some girl
talk." Peggy nudges Steve's shoulder and he gives her an amused look.
"Sure, why not." Steve gets up and follows Howard out the door.
"So," Howard starts. "This is good. Right?"
"Yeah, yeah, it's good." Steve puts his arm around Howard's shoulders and
smiles. "Everything's good."
"Can you stay tonight?" Howard leans into Steve and lets him maneuver them down
the stairs.
"I should see Peggy home."
"We'll put her in a cab. She'll be fine." He shrugs. "That's what I'm doing
with Maria."
"Howard!" Steve gives him a disappointed look but Howard doesn't care.
"What? I don't make her pay for it!" Really, it's not like this is the 1800s or
something. Putting your date in a cab is perfectly acceptable.
Steve gives a little huff and shakes his head.
"Will you stay the night? Please? Please, please, please!"
"I'll think about it."
Howard grins because that's as good as a yes from Steve. They grab the sodas
from the fridge and a pint of green tea ice cream—because chocolate is
disgusting, he doesn't care what anyone says—and head back upstairs.
He steps into the room, Steve right behind him, and stops. Stares. Because
Maria is stretched on the bed, with Peggy on top of her, moaning. Her panties,
those silky pink panties are on the floor and…
"Jesus," Steve says, grabs Howard by the arm, and drags him out of the bedroom.
When they're in the hallway, the door closed behind them, he blinks up at
Steve. "Your girlfriend is fucking my girlfriend."
"I don't think they're either of our girlfriends anymore." Steve sighs and
leans back against the wall. "I think they bonded."
"Well… well… fuck." Maybe he should have grabbed the rum raisin ice cream
instead.
"Yeah. C'mon, let's watch TV downstairs and wait for them to finish."
Howard makes a face. "They better change the sheets afterwards!" Steve snickers
and he glares. "It's not funny!"
Steve just laughs.
*****
The girls come downstairs a few hours later, flushed and disheveled and holding
hands. Howard wants to be pissed, he really does, but they both look so happy
and he thinks about how he feels when he's with Steve.
And, really, it's not like he didn't know that he and Maria were a temporary
thing.
"Congratulations," he says and smiles.
"Thank you," Peggy replies, while Maria apologizes.
"Don't." Steve presses a kiss to Howard's temple, probably to show that they
understand even if the situation is screwed up.
"I'm going to take her home." Peggy gives Maria an adoring look. "Meet her
parents."
Steve nods. "I'm sure her parents will love you."
Howard isn't so sure about that, but it's none of his business. Not anymore,
anyway. "Give me a call later?" he asks Maria, because he finds that he still
wants to be friends with her. She must feel the same way because she nods. He
and Steve walk them to the door and say their goodbyes. Then he turns to Steve
and hugs him. "Now will you stay?"
Steve nuzzles Howard's hair and hugs him tightly. "Yeah, yeah, I'll stay. Let
me just call my parents."
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard is confuse and Steve is losing his patience.
Steve helps Howard change the sheets before they climb into bed that night. He
curls against Steve, like he always does, strangely content after the events of
the day.
Steve plays with his hair and strokes his back. "Are you upset about Maria?"
"No," he says. "No, I'm not upset. I knew it was going to happen sooner or
later. I'm just a little surprised it happened in my bed. Are you upset?"
"Naw. Peggy and me broke up a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't working out for
us. It never really does for two doms."
"I’m sorry." He wraps an arm around Steve's waist and squeezes.
"We're better friends." Steve slides a hand up Howard's shirt. "She thinks I'm
neglecting you, ya know."
"She—She doesn't know what she's talking about!" Howard tenses, offended.
Steve hums softly. "Every time she's around, you act like a spoiled brat."
"No, I don't," he mumbles, presses his face against Steve's shoulder.
"You do, a little. When Bucky's around, too." Steve takes a deep breath. "You
know you have nothing to worry about, don't you, Howard? You know that you'll
always come first with me?"
"Yeah," he whispers.
"You do." Steve rolls them over so that Howard is flat on his back. "You come
first with me, Howard. You… You're mine and I will always drop what I'm doing
for you. Always."
Howard shivers, his breath catching in his throat. "Yeah, okay." Steve kisses
him hard, hands sliding under his shirt to pinch and rub at his nipples. He
gasps and pushes at Steve's chest. "Ada."
Steve jerks his hands away flops onto his back with a sigh.
"Sorry. Steve, I—" God, he screws up everything.
"It's okay, Howard. It's not your fault. I got caught up in the moment." Steve
takes a deep breath.
"I can give you a blowjob, if you want?" He doesn't want to have sex with
Steve, but that doesn't mean he wants to leave Steve aching either.
"Go to bed, Howard." Steve turns his back to Howard.
"Don't be mad," he says softly, his eyes stinging. "Please, don't be mad."
Steve keeps his back to Howard. "I’m not mad. It's just really hard for me
sometimes. Peggy and Maria looked so amazing together, so in love, and…"
And Steve wants that. Of course he wants that. Howard bites his bottom lip. "I
could talk to Doctor Erskine. He said there are certain medications—"
Steve sat up and said harshly, "I don't want you to have sex with me because
you're drugged!
He cringed. "I didn't mean it like that! I'm sorry!"
"Howard…" Steve sighs and runs his hands through his hair. "Maybe I should go
sleep in a guest bedroom."
"No! No, please, don't! " The very idea makes Howard's stomach tie itself into
knots. He reaches over and lays a hand on Steve's leg. "Steve, please stay."
"I'm sorry, Howard. I… I can't. I just can't." He slips out of bed and a few
seconds later, Howard hears the door snick open, then close.
Howard closes his eyes and buries his face in his pillow.
*****
"It's been a few years, Mr. Stark," Doctor Erskine says.
Howard clasps his hands in his lap and fights the urge to fidget. "My parents
didn't think it was a good idea for me to keep coming to our sessions."
"Have they changed their minds?" Erskine looks at Howard over the rim of his
glasses.
"No, sir. But I thought was a good idea." He takes a deep breath. "I need
help."
"What sort of help?"
"You said that as I got older, it'd be easier. But it's not!" He worries at his
bottom lip. "It's not easier. I'm a horrible sub!"
"Ah." Erskine leans back in his chair. "Is that what Steve told you?"
"It's what I know."
"And how do you know that, Mr. Stark?"
He rubs his nose and blushes hard. "I don't want to have sex with him. And when
we do stuff… it… I don't react normal."
Erskine tilts his head. "How do you react?"
This time he does squirm, squirm and look down at the ground. The rug is
starting to get a little threadbare. "Sometimes it's not so bad. Kissing's nice
and when I give him… when I… I… use my mouth. I don't get excited, but it's
nice. I feel happy. But when we try doing other stuff, I get really
uncomfortable and I have to make him stop. That's not normal!"
"Says who?" Erskine asks.
"I know how I'm supposed to react! Two friends of mine just bonded and they
couldn't keep their hands off each other!" He looks up at Erskine. "Why can't I
be like that?"
"You may never be like that, Howard. There's nothing wrong with that."
"Yes, there is!" He gets to his feet and gestures wildly. "It's driving Steve
crazy! It hurts him that I don’t act that way, that I don't want to be with him
like that. Couldn't you give me something? Medicine or… anything?"
Erskine sighs, takes off his glasses, and rubs the bridge of his nose. "Mr.
Stark… Howard, I know that it's frustrating, but you're worrying needlessly.
You're fifteen years old; you have plenty of time to grow into your sexuality.
You need to give yourself a break."
Howard slumps back into his chair, exhausted, his eyes wet. "I just want to be
normal."
"Normal is not either/or, it is a range." He smiles at Howard. "And you fall
well within it. Now, I don't usually tell my young patients this, but in your
case, I'll make an exception. Spend time with Steve, Howard, explore. Find out
what you like and what you don't like. Don't worry that you're not reacting
like everyone else or that you don't like what everyone else likes. You're not
everyone else, you're you. Sex is supposed to be fun."
Howard rubs his eyes and nods.
"Do you masturbate?"
"Doctor Erskine!" Howard blushes, and Erskine just looks at him. He shrugs.
"Sometimes. I mean… After… after my… I was dating a girl for awhile and
sometimes we'd get hot and heavy and when she'd leave sometimes I'd… But not a
lot. Maybe once or twice a month."
"Hmm. You have no problem getting erections?"
Howard fights the urge to hide his face. "No, no problem. I get them a lot. At
least once a day usually."
Erskine nods. "Do you think you can come by again next week? It might help if
we could talk again."
"I don't know." Howard frowns. "If my parents find out, they'll be really
pissed off."
"Try, Howard. Please."
"Okay. I'll try."
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Summary
     The boys come of age.
Chapter Notes
     I am on a roll. Woohoo! When I'm done with this, I think I'm going to
     work on Blot. Seriously, my goal is to get Blot Out the Sun done by
     Halloween.
Howard gets busy with school and Steve and all the projects clamoring for
attention in his brain. He doesn't see Erskine that next week or the week after
or the week after that. It easy to let time slip away from him as spring turns
to summer.
*****
"Your parents are a really letting you go to England with Peggy?" Howard asks,
stretched out on her bed as she packs.
"You make it sound like I'm leaving and never coming back." Maria rolls her
eyes and nudges his knee with her hip. "It's only for the summer. We're staying
in London. It'll be so exciting."
"If you say so." He picks at a bit of fluff on her blanket. "You two still hot
and heavy?"
Maria raises an eyebrow and puts her hands on her hip. "You and Steve still
not?"
He blushes at that and looks away. "Sorry. I didn't—I'm sorry."
She sighs and sits on the bed. "Howard, look, you can't… Peggy and me, we're
not you and Steve. You shouldn't compare us."
"I’m not," he mumbles.
"Maybe you just need to relax." She takes his hand and squeezes. "I've got some
Ecstasy."
"No," Howard squeezes her hand right back. "Steve says he won't touch me if I'm
high or drunk."
Maria makes a rude sound. "But he's your dom and soulmate."
"He's big on sober and enthusiastic consent." Howard's not sure if he's glad
about that or not. On one hand, Steve stops when Howard is too weirded out to
say no. On the other hand, sometimes Howard thinks if Steve just pushed a
little more, maybe he could get past being weirded out.
"Doms are strange," Maria says, sounding a little exasperated.
"Yeah." He looks at her and grins. She returns the grin. "Bring me back
something cool from your trip."
"Only if you send me a picture of you and Steve making out. Deal?"
Howard huffs. "Deal."
*****
Steve turns sixteen on the fourth of July. He has a small party—the only people
he invites over are Bucky and Howard—with hot dogs and burgers and strawberry
cheesecake because Steve *loves* cheesecake. Later, they'll watch the fireworks
on the roof of the building.
After cheesecake, Steve unwraps his presents. His mom and dad go traditional
and buy him his first whip: it's plain, but pretty, and Howard's mouth goes
dry. Steve lovingly strokes the handle and thanks his parents, then puts it
aside.
"Me, next," Bucky says, smirking at Howard and pushing the box into Steve's
hand.
"Jeez, Bucky!" Steve laughs, rips off the wrapping paper, and open the box.
Nestled in the tissue paper is a ball gag.
"For all those times when Howard won't shut his trap."
Howard sneers at Bucky and hands Steve his present. As Steve's sub, Howard
should give him something meaningful as a coming of age gift: a pair of cuffs
or a leash, something that signifies their bond. But honestly, traditional is
boring.
"A new cell phone?" Steve takes it out of the box with a puzzled frown; the
red, white, and blue metal casing shines in the dim light.
"Not just any phone," Howard says, siding closer to Steve. "It's a prototype,
my prototype, of a StarkCell. We're gonna blow Apple out of the water in six
month time. It does all the same things as an iPhone, but it also has this." He
touches the screen and a small blue projection of him pops up, waves, and says,
very clearly, "Happy Birthday, Steve!" When Howard hits the screen again, the
projection winks out of existence. Everyone seems impressed, which is great,
but he's not happy until Steve grins at him.
"That's so cool. It was just like Star Wars!"
Howard rolls his eyes. "Geek. But that's not all it does." He points to an app
with his picture on it. "Touch that."
Steve does and a map opens up on the screen; there is a blinking red dot on it.
"What's this?"
He swallows hard. "That's me. That's… My dad put a sub-dermal tracer in me. You
remember that, right? Well, this app will… track the tracer. Now you'll know
where I am all the time."
"Oh." Steve looks stunned, then he turns to Howard and hugs him tight. "Wow,
thanks. I… thank you."
He shrugs. "It's nothing."
"It's something," Steve says softly. "I know how you feel about being
independent."
"I trust you not to go crazy possessive on me." He kisses Steve's jaw. "You're
all grown up now."
"You will be, too, next month."
Bucky makes a gagging sound. "If you two keep it up, we'll miss the fireworks."
Howard is tempted to flip off Bucky, but Steve's parents are watching.
*****
"I have another gift for you," Howard says that night, as they get undressed.
Steve yawns and climbs into bed. "You gonna give me a blowjob?"
"No." He takes a deep breath and straddles Steve's hips.
"Howard? What—" Steve starts before Howard puts a hand over his mouth.
"I know it's not enough, but I want to do this." He removes his hand and gives
Steve a swift kiss on the mouth. Then he slowly rocks his hips, rubbing himself
against Steve's cock. Steve moans and arches up against him; Howard's face
warms with pleasure. "I love you."
*****
Howard's birthday is the complete opposite of Steve's: it's big and loud and
everyone gives him the most elaborate and stylish gifts. Really, what's Howard
supposed to do with a crystal dildo that massive? It's actually pretty scary.
Although, the mink-lined wristcuffs are nice.
He doesn’t see Steve for most of the night, and when he does, it's only for a
few seconds before he's whisked away again. It's frustrating because Steve
still hasn't given Howard his gift and he's curious. It might be a collar or it
might not; Howard isn't sure what would be worse.
It must be frustrating for Steve, too. About fifteen minutes before midnight,
Steve shows up at Howard's side and interrupts an interesting conversation he's
having with Nathaniel Richards on the possibility of time travel.
"Sorry," Steve says with a smile, grabbing Howard by the arm. "I need a few
minutes with the birthday boy." Before Howard can excuse himself, Steve drags
him out of the room and upstairs where it's quiet.
"That was a little rude." Steve is never that rude and Howard is delighted.
"Yeah." Steve blushes and rubs the back of his neck. "But I needed to see you.
I haven't given you your present yet."
"What is it?" Howard bounces on the balls of his feet and grins. "Did you buy
me an airplane?"
Steve rolls his eyes and takes out a small box. "Here."
Howard rips off the wrapping paper and opens the box: nestled in the velvet
lining is a piece of paper. He opens it; there's a bunch of numbers and letters
written on it. "What's this?"
"The password for my sub-dermal tracer," Steve says.
His eyes widen and his mouth falls open. "B-But you're a dom!" Doms
didn't—they—it isn't done. It just isn't.
"I trust you. And I'm yours just as much as you're mine." Steve cups Howard's
cheek and kisses him. "Someday, I'm going to give you a collar and you're going
to give me a ring. Until then, this is the next best thing. We'll always be
able to find each other."
Howard nods, his chest tight and his mouth dry.
"Are you okay?"
Yes, mostly. He clears his throat and grins. "You still got me something
tangible though, right? No? Not even a gift card?"
Steve huffs out a breath and smacks Howard on the butt. "You're welcome."
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard's relationship with his dad takes a turn for the worse.
Chapter Notes
     Just a small update. Please note the added warnings.
Howard loves swimming. He loves the feel of the water against his skin, the
muffled quiet when submerges himself, the splash when he dives. He lets his
mind wander when he swims, lets the equations unspool like thread. It's his
time to be alone, undisturbed; he can spend hours in the water, just floating,
staring up at the ceiling.
He doesn't today though, as much as he'd like to, because he's supposed to hang
out with the new kid at school, Obi Stane. He climbs out of the pool and grabs
his towel from the lounge chair. He rubs the towel over his hair, stretching up
on his toes. When he looks up, his stills; his dad is standing in the doorway,
a glass in hand, staring at him.
For some reason, Howard's skin crawls, and he quickly wraps his towel around
his waist. "Everything okay, Dad?" he asks.
Dad just grunts and finishes his drink. He moves towards Howard, setting the
empty glass on the patio table.
Howard takes a step back, then stops and Dad's eyes narrow. "What's Mom doing?
Is she still at her charity meeting?"
"Yes." Dad stops in front of Howard and rests a hand on his shoulder. "She
won't be home for hours."
"Oh." He swallows hard; Dad smells like a distillery. "You wanna work on the
Roadster?"
Dad slides a hand down Howard's arm, then up and over his shoulder to cup his
neck. "No."
His heart pounds in his chest and his fights to keep his breathing even. He
doesn't like this. This doesn't feel right. "We could watch a movie. We haven't
done that in ages." Dad continues to stare at him and Howard's had enough. He
tries to move away, but Dad grips his hair, hard and jerks his head back. "Ah!"
"You could have been something, Howard." Dad strokes Howard jaw with his free
hand. "With that brain of yours, you could have taken over Stark Industries.
But you're a sub. A filthy little sub! A poor boy's whore!"
Dad jerks Howard close and, oh god, oh god! Howard wants to struggle, he wants
to scream, but he knows if he does Dad will beat him until he can't move. He
has to think. Why can't he think?
"Nothing but a slut," Dad murmurs. "I bet he can't get enough of you."
"He can't." He cries out when the hand in his hair tightens. His chest aches
with the humiliation of it. But he can't worry about that now. He licks his
lips; if he can get to the door… "Let me show you. Let me show you what a slut
I am." Dad runs his fingers over Howard's lips and… and Howard's seen enough
porn. He knows what do to. He does. He takes two of the fingers into his mouth
and sucks on them. He wants to gag, he wants to bite, but he *can't*. Get free
first.
Dad lets go of his hair, slides a hand down his back.
Howard releases Dad's finger and takes a step back. He hooks his fingers into
his Speedo. "Let me…"
Dad nods and takes a shaky breath.
He shifts slightly, tensing, then makes a run for the door, as fast as he can.
Dad curses loudly. He's almost there. He almost makes it, then he feels Dad's
fingers close around his wrist and before he knows it, he's crashing to the
ground. Dad falls on top of him and Howard's breath is knocked out of him.
"You fucking whore! You dirty sub!" Dad jerks his arm, hard, flipping him onto
his back.
Pain rips through Howard's shoulder and he screams.
"Shut up! Shut up!" Dad punches him.
Punches him and punches him and punches him and Howard can taste blood in his
mouth, so much blood. And it hurts, it hurts so damn much, and he knows he's
going to die. So what the hell? Why not? He gathers his resolve and he fights,
fights like he hasn't in years. Screams and claws and bucks and tries to get in
a few punches of his own. "I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
Then Dad grabs him by the throat, fingers tightening, and Howard can't catch
his breath. He scratches Dad's arms, tries to pull the hands off him. His lung
burn and his throat hurts and he's making these horrible choking sounds.
And the edges are starting to go black.
And he can't. He can't, he can't, hecan'thecan'thecant…
Everything goes black.
*****
Beep, beep, beep…
The sound of a heart monitor pierces the darkness and Howard finds himself
rushing toward semi-consciousness. He tries to open his eyes, but there's a
fuzzy distance between what he wants to do and what he can do—morphine?— and he
can't quite cross it.
After a while, he stops trying.
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Summary
     Steve and Howard in the hospital. A tiny update.
"—and you have no right to be here," Steve whispers furiously.
"He's my son," Dad says, his voice booming: Howard tenses and fights to wake
up.
"That doesn't mean a damn thing! Not anymore. I invoke my rights as Howard's
dominant and soulmate. He's mine. He belongs to me."
Dad says something else, but Howard can't quite catch it as he spirals back
down towards darkness.
*****
"You're safe," Steve says. "You're safe, Howard."
He tries to speak, but his tongue is heavy and there's something in his mouth.
*****
Howard wakes up in the hospital, a breathing tube down his throat, a heart
monitor beeping in the background. He knows he should hurt, he should hurt
really, really badly, but they must have him on the good drugs.
He makes a soft sound and tries to lift his hand. There's movement on his left
side and Steve comes into view.
"Howard," Steve whispers. "You're awake. Thank goodness."
He wishes he could talk, he wishes he could ask the billion questions that come
to mind.
"You've been out for a few days." Steve strokes his hair. "One of the maids
called 911. You're safe now. Your dad is never going to hurt you again."
He blinks and tries making a questioning sound. His eyelids are so heavy.
Steve shakes his head. "I'll tell you later. Right now you need to sleep. No,
no, don't fight it. Just don't."
*****
It's several more days before he can keep his eyes open for more than a few
minutes. The doctors take out the breathing tube and slowly wean him off the
morphine—which is unfair because morphine is awesome.
But still, it's necessary. Morphine makes him a babbling idiot with the
attention span of a goldfish. And he wants an explanation of why Steve keeps
looking so guilty. So he asks.
Steve tells Howard how he invoked his rights, how Dad threatened to leave
Howard penniless, how Steve—
"You punched my dad," Howard rasps out—his throat is black and blue and hurts
like hell.
Steve turns red. "Yeah. I… I broke his nose."
"I'm real disappointed in you, Steve." Howard wants to laugh, but he knows that
would be very, very painful. "You should have waited until I was conscious. At
least tell me someone recorded it."
"Howard, be serious." Steve runs his fingers though Howard's hair.
Oh, that still feels good; he sighs and closes his eyes. "I am being serious."
Steve's quiet for a few minutes, then he says, "Are you mad?"
"Why would I be mad?" He opens one eye.
"I told you that I would never… I told you that I wouldn't collar you without
your permission." Steve clenches his jaw and Howard bites back a sigh.
"Technically, you still haven't collared me." The very idea of having something
around his neck makes his shiver in apprehension.
"I want your throat to heal first." Steve swallows hard. "Well, are you angry?"
Howard thinks about it, really thinks about it. "No, no, I'm not angry. I guess
I… I'm glad. My dad won't ever hit me again." Or try to—No, he doesn’t want to
think about that. "But what about your parents? Your dad is probably out of a
job right now and I don't have any money. How can they afford to take care of
me, too?"
"Don't worry about that. As soon as Mr. Stark left, Mom and Dad called a lawyer
friend of theirs. He says if he can't get your inheritance *and* a nice dowry,
he'll do the work pro-bono. " Steve smiles. "Mr. Murdock's a nice guy."
"Oh." Howard hopes this guy is good because Dad can afford to hire the best.
Steve gently cups his face. "Stop worrying. I'm going to take care of you, I
promise. No one is ever going to hurt you again. You're mine, Howard, and now
you're where you belong: by my side."
Howard opens his mouth to tell Steve that his dominant side is showing, but
what comes out a shaky, "Yes."
Steve kisses him. "Tell me you're mine."
He shivers and licks his lips. "I'm yours."
"Do you want me to collar you?" Steve's voice deepens and he runs his fingers
across Howard's jaw.
Something hot flares in his belly and he whispers a yes before he can really
think about it. Steve smiles and licks his mouth and suddenly Howard wants to
cry.
"Shh," Steve says. "Shh, you're safe now, Howard. I'll die before I let anyone
hurt you."
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard has a nightmare and some French toast.
Chapter Notes
     Look! An update! Go, me! Even if it is a small one.
Howard wakes with a gasp, his body covered in sweat, his eyes wet with tears.
His nightmare lingers: the feel of hands around his throat, the burn of his
lungs as he tries to draw breath, the knowledge that he was dying. He sniffles
and rubs his eyes, ignoring the throb of his shoulder and the ache of the
bruises on his face.
After a moment, he gathers his strength, and slowly gets to his feet.
Everything hurts worse when he's standing, but he doesn't want to be alone. He
quietly pads down the hall to the living room, where Steve is sprawled out on
the too small couch. He keeps trying to get Steve to sleep with him, but Steve
refuses.
Howard says his name and touches his foot.
Steve jerks, his eyes flying open. When he sees Howard, he blinks in confusion.
"Hey," he says softly. "What are you doing up?"
"Nightmare," he whispers.
Steve sits up and runs his fingers through his hair. "Do you need a sleeping
pill?"
"No. I need you to sleep with me."
"Howard…" Steve sighs and shakes his head.
"Please? Steve, please?" He gingerly sits on the couch and leans his head
against Steve's shoulder. "I keep having nightmares."
"I don't want to hurt you." Steve puts his arm around Howard.
"Hurts me more that you're not with me," he mumbles, then he plays his trump
card. "I need you."
"That's not fair." Steve presses a kiss to Howard's forehead.
"It wasn't meant to be fair."
Steve groans softly. "Alright, alright, fine. I'll sleep with you. But don’t
blame me if I accidentally roll on your bad arm."
"I won't make a peep." He smiles at Steve and then puckers his lips. "Now give
us a real kiss."
Steve laughs and kisses him on the mouth. "You're such a brat."
*****
When Howard wakes the next morning. Steve is spooning him, nose in Howard's
hair, a very prominent erection pressed against Howard's backside. He wiggles a
little, and Steve shifts slightly, moaning. Steve's moan sends an electric
thrill through Howard's body and he rubs his behind, very firmly, against
Steve's hard on.
Steve's arm tightens around Howard's waist and he groans, open-mouthed, against
Howard's neck. "H-Howard," Steve mumbles sleepily, eyes fluttering open; he
keeps rubbing up against Howard.
It probably shouldn't feel so good, but it does. It leaves Howard feeling warm
all over. "I wanna make you come. Will you come, please?"
Steve's breath hitches in his throat and he grunts and shudders.
Howard's face heats and he strokes Steve's arm. "Was that good?"
"It's always good with you, Howard. More than good, it's perfect." Steve
nuzzles his neck; Howard shudders and Steve stops. "Is this alright? I mean…
this isn't freaking you out, is it?"
"I know you're not my dad, Steve."
"I know, but—"
"I'm fine," he snaps. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Then he
says, softly, "Really, I am. Please don’t stop doing what you usually do
because of him."
"Okay." Steve kisses his neck. "I love you, Howard. You're everything to me."
He smiles at that. "Does that mean you'll make me pancakes for breakfast?"
"Well, okay, not *everything*."
"Hey!" Howard elbows Steve in the ribs and they both laugh.
"I'll see if my mom will make us pancakes." Steve rolls out of bed, then
grimaces. "But maybe after I take a shower."
Howard makes a face. "Yeah." When Steve leaves, he snuggles back under the
covers and dozes. He doesn't wake up until the bed dips, startling him.
"Mom made French toast instead." Steve beams at him and holds out the plate.
Howard moves to grab it, but his shoulder twinges painfully, and he gasps.
"Are you okay?" Steve asks, touching Howard's good shoulder.
"Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. But, um, it's going to be hard for me to hold the plate
and feed myself." He winces and sighs. "Maybe we should eat on the table."
Steve looks thoughtful for a moment, and then he smiles. "No, hey, I got it."
Before Howard can ask him what he's going on about, Steve spears a piece of the
toast—because of course Sarah cut it up for him, or else Steve had—and brings
it to Howard's mouth. "I can feed myself!"
"I know that. But you don't have to, Howard. That's the point." Steve tilts his
head and says softly, "I said I'd take care of you. Please?"
He sighs heavily. "No train or airplane noises," he says and opens his mouth.
Steve's smile widens and he feeds Howard.
It's weird, so weird. The whole feeding thing makes Howard feel hot and
squirmy. Doms don’t feed their subs anymore; it fell out of fashion years ago.
Only heavy traditionalists do it. Of course, heavy traditionalists would have
Howard on his knees ninety percent of the time, too. Ugh.
"I'm thirsty, too."
"Oh, yeah." Steve reaches over and grabs a glass of juice from the nightstand.
Howard can manage a glass just fine, but Steve brings it to his mouth. He
drinks it carefully, his face going hot with embarrassment.
"What do you say?" Steve asks, wiping Howard's mouth with his thumb.
His breath hitches in his throat and he looks down. "Thank you." There's a
heavy silence, like Steve is waiting for something and for a moment, Howard's
not sure that that is. Then it hits him. Oh. God, he wants to kneel and bury
his face against Steve's thigh. "Thank you, sir."
"Good boy." Steve leans over and kisses his cheek. "You're welcome."
He squirms at that, feeling the happiness bubble up from deep inside of him.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard has lift-off, but it's still a bumpy ride.
Chapter Notes
     So people have to stop having interesting convos on tumblr about
     Howard. I keep getting ideas. I'm on a roll with Blot Out the Sun,
     Children's Work, and Kiss with a Fist. DO NOT RUIN THAT TUMBLR!
Howard and Steve are stretched out on the couch watching TV. One of Steve's
hands is flat against Howard's stomach and he keeps sliding his fingers under
the waistband of Howard's jeans, then up to flick at a nipple. Howard doesn't
say anything, because he's got a feeling that Steve doesn't even realize he's
doing it. And it doesn’t feel bad.
Okay, to be honest, it feels kinda good. Especially when Steve plays with his
nipple.
Steve laughs softly at a joke one of the characters tell and slips a hand up
Howard's shirt. He flicks the nipple again, then rubs the pad of his finger
against it.
Howard bites his bottom lip and fights the urge to wiggle back against Steve
and gasp.
"This is my favorite show," Steve whispers into his ear and pinches the nipple.
Howard's face heats and he, jeez, he's getting hard. "Oh?" he says a little
breathlessly.
"Yeah." Steve shifts a bit. "Are you okay, Howard? Is your shoulder bugging
you?"
"I'm fine," he says, trying to keep his breathing regular and even as his cock
gets harder.
"I could get you a pain pill." Steve slides his hand over and pinches Howard's
other nipple.
Howard closes his eyes and swallows hard. "Nope. I'm fine."
"Tell me if you change your mind." Steve nuzzles Howard's ear and takes a deep
breath. "Mmm, you smell good."
"Yeah." He opens his eyes and tries to concentrate on the TV show. Steve stops
playing with his nipples and rests his hand on Howard's stomach again. Howard
lays his hand on top of Steve's and laces their fingers together.
"Hey?" Steve shifts a bit and… and Howard can feel Steve's hard on. "You wanna
make out?"
"Um, maybe later, okay?" He squeezes Steve's hand.
"Okay." Steve presses a kiss to his temple. "Love you."
"Love you, too," he says and tries to ignore Steve's hard on, but it's right
there, pressed against his backside. And it's big and insistent and for the
first time ever, Howard's got one too, at least one that doesn’t seem to be
going away. He tells himself it's not weird. Steve's his dom, his soulmate,
Howard should be getting hard for him. They should be making out and fucking
and… and doing all those normal things. And it's harder to ignore Steve's
excitement, when his own is throbbing in his jeans.
"Howard? Are you okay? You're trembling."
"Fine." Howard let's go of Steve's hand and pushes it away. Then he gets to his
feet. "Gotta pee. Really bad." Before Steve can say anything else, he stumbles
to the hall bathroom, locks the door, and leans back against it. He counts to
thirty, and when Steve doesn't knock on the door, he quickly gets his jeans
open and his cock out.
He jerks off, fast and hard, imagining it's Steve's hand on him.
*****
Howard doesn't tell Steve, but while he was in the hospital, his mother called.
He's been texting her, off and on, for the past five weeks and she's convinced
him to meet with her.
He makes up a story, says he's meeting a friend for lunch, promises Steve he
won't be gone long. It's not really a lie. Not really. Howard tells Mom to meet
him at a little neighborhood park.
He gets there late, just to be sure she doesn't bring Dad. She's sitting on a
bench when he gets there and when she sees him, she smiles and gets to her
feet. He lets her hug him and kiss him. She's done a bad job of hiding the
bruises on her face.
"Are you alright," she says as they sit down. "Are they treating you alright?"
He scratches the back of his neck and watches a couple of kids play on the
swings. "They're treating me fine. How are you, Mom?"
"I'm fine." She laughs nervously and plays with her bracelet. "Your brother
called last week. He asked after you. I told him you were staying with Steve."
"Hmm." He should probably call Eddie. Knowing Mom, she probably didn’t say a
damn thing.
"You know your father is sorry, Howard." She touches his knee and he fights the
urge to push her hand away. "He was drunk—"
"He's always drunk," he says, looking up at her. "And he's always sorry. That
doesn't change anything. That doesn't change the fact that he tried to strangle
me."
"Come home. Things will be different, I promise." She squeezes his knee and…
and he feels so damn tired.
"He tried to kill me. Mom, he…" He swallows hard and touches his neck. "He
would have killed me."
"Howard, your father loves you. He would never have—"
"Stop! Just stop!" He's so sick and tired of this, of her promises, of her
lies, her delusions. He considers telling her about the attempted rape, but
he's afraid, afraid she won't believe him. He's afraid that she will. "I'm not
coming home. I belong with Steve now."
"Sweetheart. Please." Her eyes fill with tears and he wishes he could help her,
he does.
"I can't be his punching bag anymore, Mom. Not even for you." He gets to his
feet and puts his hands in his pockets. "Eddie'll take you in, you know he
will. Or there are… there are place you can go, organizations that can help.
But I—" His voice breaks. He clears his throat and tries again. "I can't go
back with you. I… I don’t want to."
She looks away from him. "You were always selfish."
He bites the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming at her. He waits until
the desire passes, then says, "Good bye, Mom. I love you." She doesn't respond,
so he walks away.
*****
When he gets home, Steve is out and Sarah and Joseph are in the kitchen,
arguing.
"What do you expect me to do, Joseph? I can't pull money out of thin air."
"Neither can I! But we have to do something because we can't live like this. We
can't—" Their voices soften to a mumble that Howard can barely hear through the
wall, much less understand.
Howard crosses his arms over his chest; this is his fault. They're arguing
because of him. He sucks on his bottom lip, then walks into the kitchen.
They're sitting at the dining table, bills stacked up in front of them. "I
could quit school and get a job," he says, not bothering to pretend that he
didn’t hear them. "At least until that lawyer gets my money. I don't really
need to go anyway. Heck, I could have graduated years ago, except that I wanted
to hang out with my friends. So I'll get a job, there are plenty of businesses
that'll want me: Oscorp, Hammer Industries, this new kid at school, Stane, his
dad's got a start up—"
"Howard." Sarah gets up and put an arm around his shoulders. "Sweetheart,
breathe."
"Or I could stay with my brother. He'll let me stay with him." He's shaking and
he can't stop and his voice is thick, like he's going to cry and… It's too
much. After everything it's just too much. "Please don't send me back. Please.
Please, please, please!" He sobs, tears streaming down his face.
"Oh, sweetie." Sarah pulls him close and he buries his face against her
shoulder. "Joseph."
"No one is sending you back, Howard." Joseph lays a hand on Howard's head.
"You're not going anywhere. And you *are* staying in school. We're going to get
through this. Sarah and I are going to figure it out. So don’t worry about it,
okay?"
He nods even though he will. He doesn’t let go of Sarah until he's calmed down;
she's good about it, she doesn't push him away or tell him to get a hold of
himself.
When he steps away, she strokes the hair back from his face, and kisses his
forehead. "Why don't you go lie down for a bit, Howard? Steve should be home in
about a half hour."
"Okay." He wipes his face with his t-shirt and sniffles. "Don't… Please don’t
tell him that I cried."
Joseph smiles and tousles his hair. "Don’t worry, we won't say anything."
He smiles back and goes straight to bed. He doesn't wake up until dinnertime.
*****
"Maybe we're going about it the wrong way," Steve says, climbing into bed.
Howard sighs and pulls the covers over his head. It's midnight and he's had a
pain pill and he's tired. "Ugh, go away."
"Look, I'm just saying at we're both expecting nature to take its course, but
maybe we should try other things."
"I’m not going to therapy!"
"I'm not suggesting therapy. I've been reading this book—"
Howard rolls his eyes. "Of course you have."
"Shut up!" Steve nudges him with a knee. "Anyway, the author says that some
couple have different triggers. That it's not always touch that works for them.
Sometimes it's taste or sound or smell."
Howard peeks his head out from the covers long enough to say, "I’m not sniffing
your armpits or your feet." He makes a face.
Steve narrows his eyes and smirks, which always spells trouble. Before Howard
can bolt away, Steve pulls the covers over Howard's head and holds them there.
Then—
"UGH!" Howard struggles to get out as the worst smell in the world assaults
him. "Let me out, you jerk. Let me out!" Oh my god, it's horrible!
Steve laughs quietly and doesn't let go for a good minute.
He kicks the blankets away and glares. "Asshole!"
Steve just flops back on the pillows and giggles.
Howard elbows Steve in the ribs. "That didn't make me want to have sex with
you. Jerk."
"Sorry," Steve says, though he doesn't sound like he's sorry. He leans over and
kisses Howard. "I couldn't help it."
"I thought you were being serious."
"I was! I am." Steve rolls onto his side and rubs Howard's nipples through his
t-shirt until they're hard. "I wanna try some of the techniques I read about.
You game?"
"I guess." Howard shrugs.
"You *guess*?"
"I just don't want you to get your hopes up, that's all." Just because Howard's
woken up a couple of times with a hard on doesn't mean anything. Not that Steve
knows about them.
Steve frowns at Howard, then settles onto his back to stare up at the ceiling.
"Do you even want to be my sub?"
"Wha—" Howard sits up. "What the hell kind of question is that? Of course I
do!"
"Really?" Steve looks at him. "You don't ever wish you were some cute girl's
soulmate?"
"No!" Howard puts a hand on Steve's chest; he can feel Steve's heart pounding.
"It'd be easier. You'd be attracted to her. You'd want to have sex with her.
Not like with me." Steve looks away.
"I love you."
"But you don't want me," Steve says softly. "You wanted Maria. You would have
had sex with her, if she let you."
"But she didn't. And she's got Peggy now." He's never seen Steve like this and
it scares him.
"What about the next girl?" Steve turns to Howard and he looks so sad and angry
and... "Every day I wake up and wonder if this is the day you'll meet your next
girlfriend. It drives me crazy to think about you giving yourself to someone
else."
"You said you didn't mind!" He had checked; he'd made doubly sure.
"Of course I mind! You're mine, Howard. You belong to me!" Steve closes his
eyes and takes a deep, steadying breath. When he opens them again, his
eyelashes are wet. "Except you're not mine. You—"
"No! No, I am!" Howard wraps his arms around Steve and hugs him. "I do. Steve,
there won't be a next girl, okay? There's just you, you and me. Us. " He buries
his face against Steve's neck. "I know it's hard, but we'll get through this.
We'll figure stuff out. I'm yours. Yours completely."
Steve puts his arms around Howard and hugs him. "I wish it was easy."
"Me, too." He sighs. "We'll try those techniques and if they don't work… If
they don’t work, we'll talk to Doctor Erskine, see if he'll help us. Okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, okay."
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard is bored, he's going to wish he stayed that way.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry this took so long. I had to go visit the family for a few days
     for a wedding. I'm still a bit exhausted by it. Anyway, I'm gonna try
     to get back into the writing groove.
Howard is bored. Bored, bored, bored, he's so very bored. He's already taken
apart every electronic device in the apartment and put it back together, better
than it was before. He groans and drapes himself over Steve, who's sitting out
the couch, sketching.
"I'm bored," he whines softly. "Steve, I'm bored!"
Steve sighs and rolls his eyes. "Go read a book or work on schematics or
something."
"What good is working on schematics when I can't *build* anything?" He rubs his
face against Steve's neck and whimpers. "Let's do something: go to lunch, see a
movie. I'll even go to a museum, that's how bored I am."
Steve sets aside his sketchbook and gently scratches Howard's scalp. "That's
pretty bored. You sure you wanna go out, though? You haven't gone out much
since you got out of the hospital."
He shrugs and hums softly against Steve's skin. "The bruises are mostly gone
and I only hurt when I'm really tired." He lifts his head. "Please can we go
out?"
"Well have to be back before two. We're meeting with Mr. Murdock at three."
Steve smiles and tugs on his ear playfully.
"I remember." He just doesn’t want to think about it. He's afraid Mr. Murdock
is going to tell them that there's nothing to be done, that Dad's lawyer is
just too good.
"I'll have to collar you," Steve says softly.
Howard's breath hitches in his throat and his jeans get a little tight because
this will be the first time wearing Steve's collar outside of the apartment.
"And leash me, too, so everyone will know I belong to you."
Steve's eyes darken with lust. He yanks Howard close and kisses him hard;
Howard moans and melts into it.
After awhile, Howard pulls away, turning his head when Steve lunges forward to
resume the kiss. "I still wanna go out."
"Tease." Steve smacks his butt.
Howard smirks at him. "Get my collar."
Steve mumbles a complaint, but goes to get the collar. When he comes back,
Howard lifts his chin. "Wish you'd wear this all the time."
He wishes he could too, but it doesn't seem right. "Not until I can buy you a
ring." The collar fits perfectly and he feels the bit of tension that's always
there in the pit of his stomach ease.
"You look perfect." Steve hooks a finger into the O-ring of the collar and
pulls Howard close. "Mine.'
His whole body flushes at that and he smiles. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm yours."
Steve gives him a gentle kiss and attaches the leash to the collar. "Tonight
we're gonna try out some of those things the book suggested."
Howard nods, feeling breathless and excited.
It's weird when they finally step out of the building. Howard knows that people
aren't staring at them, but the area between his shoulders itches as if they
are. He lifts his chin and stands straight and tall; he doesn’t want anyone
thinking he isn't proud of his dom. He smiles at Steve, who smiles back; he
could never be anything but proud.
*****
Howard doesn't fidget and he doesn't look at Steve or Sarah and Joseph. He
stares at the notebook on Mr. Murdock's desk and wonders what a blind man would
need with one. No one says anything, not even Mr. Murdock, and Howard wonders
if it's because it's bad news.
He rubs his eyes, takes a deep breath, and looks at the man. "It's all right,
Mr. Murdock. My dad, he can afford the best. I knew it was a long shot anyway.
I think we all did." Steve lays a hand on his shoulder and he fights the urge
to lean into the touch.
Mr. Murdock leans back in his chair and looks in Howard's general direction.
"Just because you pay a lawyer an obscene amount of money doesn't make him the
best, Howard."
"Are you saying—" Sarah clears her throat; Howard can hear the tremor in her
voice.
"Your father's lawyers tried to drive a hard bargain and maybe under different
circumstances things would have gone his way. But the truth of the matter is, I
can establish a pattern of abuse. No one in their right mind believes it's okay
to put a child in intensive care, submissive or not. ."
"You blackmailed him?" Howard blinks.
Mr. Murdock shrugs and tilts his head. "I merely laid out the facts as I knew
them and let Mr. Stark come to his own conclusions. I think your brother also
helped sway him."
"Eddie?" That is surprising. He and Eddie have never had a good relationship.
"Yes. Your father has agreed to give you eighty percent of your original
inheritance. No dowry."
Both Sarah and Joseph give little exclamations of joy, but Steve tightens his
grip on Howard's shoulder.
For his part, Howard closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, fighting down the
overwhelming anger that threatens to boil over.
"I can keep fighting for one hundred percent, but his lawyers will make it drag
on for years."
"No," he chokes out, opening his eyes. "No, eighty percent is perfect. It's
more than I expected." He doesn't smile, he doesn't think he can, but he shakes
Mr. Murdock's hand. "Thank you so much, sir." He clenches his jaw; that
bastard, that goddamn bastard. Howard will show him. He's gonna take that
eighty percent and he's going to start a business that will be a thousand times
better than his dad's. He's gonna take that money and bring Stark Industries to
its knees.
*****
Once they get home, Steve grabs his hand and drags him into the bedroom.
"Kneel," Steve says, sitting on the bed.
And Howard is so grateful, so damn grateful. He sinks to his knees and presses
his face against Steve's thigh. He feels like he's gonna break apart into tiny
little pieces. "Eighty percent. Eighty fucking percent, Steve! I deserve all of
it for what he did to me. I deserve everything."
"I know. Howard, I know." Steve gently runs his fingers through Howard's hair,
but for once, it doesn't help.
"I hate him. God, I hate him." His eyes sting and his chest hurts and he
clutches Steve's leg.
Steve sighs, leans down to press a kiss to Howard's hair, and says softly. "Get
on the bed, butt in the air."
Howard nods and climbs into bed. They're supposed to be having fun right now,
but Dad… Dad ruins everything.
The first blow makes Howard gasp in surprise, then second brings a little cry;
Steve isn't gentle, he isn't working up to the stinging slaps, he's going right
for it. Howard is more grateful than he can say. By the eleventh swat, his ass
is throbbing and the tension is bleeding out from him. The fifteenth bring a
sob and by the twentieth, he's crying. God, he can't stop crying.
Steve gives him a few more blows, just a few, then gathers him up and holds him
tight. "I love you. Howard, I love you. I will always love you. Always."
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Summary
     So much angst. So, so much angst. *criz* I just wanted to write porn.
Chapter Notes
     All I'm going to do this weekend is write, sleep, and eat.
At first, Howard doesn't notice how quiet Steve is; he's never been much of a
talker. He wishes he could say the knowledge came to him in a flash of insight
or that the bond finally keyed him into Steve's state of mind, but it didn't.
It took *Bucky* to point it out. Fucking Bucky.
"What did you do to him, you little shit," Bucky whispered furiously as they
sat on the couch waiting for Steve to finish making the snacks for their movie
night.
Howard glares at him. "What the hell are you talking about? I didn't do
anything to him."
"Bullshit. He hasn’t said dozen words all night. Hell, he hasn't said a dozen
words all fucking week. And he flaked on our baseball game on Wednesday."
That is weird. Steve almost never missed his weekly game with Bucky. He once
played with a hundred degree flu… and promptly got pneumonia and had to be
hospitalized. "He left the house," Howard says.
"He wasn't at the game." Bucky leans back and crosses his arms over his chest.
"Whatever's going on, fix it."
"Why me? You're his best friend!"
"Yeah, but you're his soulmate. You're the one who's supposed to fix him when
he's broken." Bucky looks away and mumbles, "Besides, I tried. He won't tell me
anything."
He opens his mouth to ask Bucky what he's supposed to do when Steve walks in
with a tray of food.
"About time." Bucky snaps his fingers at Howard. "Help him out."
He glares at Bucky and gets up to take the tray from Steve, like he was going
to before Bucky said anything. "Don't snap your fingers at me, asshole."
"Aww, c'mon, guys. Can we not do this tonight?"
Howard frowns. "Sorry."
Bucky just flips Steve the bird.
*****
So Howard watches Steve, watches carefully. Steve is still Steve: polite, kind,
generous, and really, really handsy when he thinks his parents aren't looking.
But Bucky's right, he's quieter than usual, he doesn't go out much, and he's
not sleeping much. He keeps getting up in the middle of the night and doesn't
come back until early morning. He's not cheating. Steve's not the type to
cheat, but *something* is going on and it's really starting to scare Howard. A
lot.
Anyway, the next time Steve slips out of bed, Howard gives it five minutes,
checks the apartment to make sure Steve isn't hanging around in the kitchen,
then pulls out his StarkCell. Howard logs in Steve's tracer number and… he's
still in the building. Well, no, he's on top of the building.
Huh, weird. Howard puts on his sneakers and climbs the fire escape up to the
roof. Steve is sitting on one of the beach chairs a neighbor left behind,
staring down at the city. He settles next to Steve, leaning against his leg.
Steve strokes his hair and sighs. "You should be in bed."
"So should you," he says. "What's going on, Steve?"
"Can't sleep. I got a lot on my mind, I guess."
He nudges Steve's leg. "Like what?"
Steve shakes his head. "Can't we just sit here quietly?"
"Sure, I guess." And he tries to, he really, really does, but… "See, the thing
is, you've been quiet lately. Really quiet. So quiet that *Bucky's* noticed.
And he mentioned you didn't go to your weekly baseball game, but I know you
left because you told me you were going but if you weren't there then you
*lied*. And you don't lie, Steve. You never used to lie."
Steve let out an amused huff. "So much for sitting quietly."
"Are you cheating on me?"
"No!" Steve tightened his grip of Howard's hair and, ouch, it hurt. "Don't be
stupid."
"Then what is it?" He batted Steve's hand away.
Steve is silent for a good while, so quiet that Howard thinks he's not going to
answer. Then he says, "I'm a bad dom."
"What?" He looks up at Steve, who is staring up at the sky now. "No you're
not!"
"Yeah, yeah, I am." Steve rubs the bridge of his nose.
"How do you figure that, genius?" He rubs his cheek against Steve's thigh.
"Howard… I… I couldn't protect you," Steve says softly. "Your dad beat you. He
almost killed you and I… I just let it happen."
"No," he says savagely, jumping to his feet. "No, no, no! You don't get to
blame yourself for that, Steve. You don’t! That's not your fault, that's my
dad's fault, it's my mom's fault, it's Eddie's fault, it's my fault, but it's
not yours. Not even a little bit."
"I'm your dom. I should have protected you. I should have pulled you out of
that house as soon as you turned sixteen, screw what you wanted!" Steve crosses
his arms over his chest and glares at Howard.
"You couldn't have known—"
"I knew he'd beat you again, Howard. I knew he'd hurt you in some way. But I
let you talk me out of asserting my rights. For money, for fucking money, that
your dad screwed you over for anyway." He rubs his face. "God, I couldn't even
do that! I couldn't even get you all the money you deserved."
"Not because you're a bad dom! None of that is because you're a bad dom,
Steve."
"Then what is it? What's the excuse?" Steve gets to his feet.
"We're kids." He puts his arms around Steve and hugs him; Steve hugs back.
"That's the excuse. We're just kids. We don’t have any power or resources or…
or anything that's ours. All that shit, that's not on us, okay? It's not."
"It feels like it is. It feels like it's all on me."
"You're a great dom. You treat me like a human being, like a fucking equal. Do
you know how many people have treated me like that, even before I presented?"
"No one," Steve says.
"Damn right." He closes his eyes. "Just you. And I love you even more for it."
"Then why---" Steve sounds like he wants to cry. He clears his throat. "Why
don't do you want me?"
Oh. Of course. "I do want you. I want you so much it hurts."
"Your body doesn't want me, Howard."
"I…" Fuck. He takes a deep breath. "It does want you. I mean… I think it's
starting to want you."
"Don't—"
"I'm not lying." He looks up at Steve. "I am not lying. Sometimes, when we… do
stuff, I get hard."
Steve rolls his eyes. "You've always done that."
"But it always went away before. It doesn’t now. It only… it only goes away if
I…" He blushes. "If I jerk off. Thinking about you."
"Why didn't you tell me this?"
Howard shrugs. "I wanted to be sure. It's… It's weird and I… It's all jumbled
in my head." He takes a step back and turns away. "I'm glad, I am, but it's…"
"It's scary, too." Steve puts his hands on Howard's shoulders. "You don't think
it's scary for me, too?"
"You don't act scared."
"I'm the dom. I'm not supposed to be. I think."
He laughs at that and after a moment Steve laughs, too. "We're fucked up."
"Just a little." Steve kissed the back of his neck.
He turns around. "Don't blame yourself for my dad being an asshole, Steve."
"I'll try, but only if you promise not to hide stuff from me anymore."
Howard quirks his lips and leans into Steve. "I promise to try."
Steve shakes his head, but he's grinning. "You are the most difficult sub I've
ever met, you know that, right?"
"Yeah, but you love me anyway."
Steve kisses him gently. "God help me, I do."
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     Howard finally gets his head the game and Steve doesn't want a
     parade.
Chapter Notes
     OMG, I am DONE! *dances the happy dance* You don't know how thrilled
     I am to have 2 out of three WIPs finished. Now I need to get my butt
     in gear and finish off Blot Out the Sun. That one is going to take a
     bit longer to finish, but I've been procrastinating.
     I've also been thinking about a new darkfic story with assassin!Steve
     and junkie!whore!Howard. We'll see how that pans out.
Howard sits on the bed, his legs crossed in front of him, thrumming his fingers
against his thigh. They're both sitting in their underwear, well, except Howard
has one of Steve's t-shirts on, too. "Are you sure your parents are going to be
out all night, Steve? Because them catching us would be really, *really*,
awkward."
Steve rolls his eyes and settles a bowl of strawberries on the bed. "Yes, I'm
sure. I triple-checked with my mom and they won't be back until morning.
Besides, they already think we're having sex."
"Yeah, but there's a difference between thinking and knowing. And I'd rather
they didn't know because they caught us."
"Relax." Steve smiles and kisses him. "Everything is going to be perfect. Now,
you've got my shirt on for smell and we've got touch and sight and sound down,
now taste." He picks up a strawberry and brings it to Howard's mouth.
Howard's blushes, because he always blushes when Steve feeds him, and leans
forward to take the strawberry into his mouth.
"You're beautiful," Steve whispers and brushes Howard's mouth.
He gives a nervous laugh at that, and looks away.
Steve traces a heart on Howard's cheek, then drags a few fingers down along his
jaw, to curve over his ear. "Everything about you is beautiful."
"Girls are beautiful, not boys." He grips the hem of Steve's shirt and swallows
hard.
"You are." Steve picks up another berry and brushes it against Howard's mouth
before eating it himself. Then he leans in and licks Howard's lips. "You taste
good too."
"W-When did you get game, Rogers?" he asks, breathlessly.
"Always had it." Steve feeds him another berry. "I like feeding you. I like
knowing that I'm taking care of you. Do you like it when I feed you, Howard?"
He nods at that and rubs his fingers along the fabric of Steve's shirt. "Yeah."
He clears his throat. "Yeah, I like it."
"Okay." Steve keeps feeding him, slowly, stopping only to touch his face or
kiss him. "When we're done, I'm gonna push you back on the bed. I'm gonna kiss
you and touch you. Is that alright?"
Howard's skin prickles and his cock stiffens a little. "Yes, that's good."
Steve smiles at that and kisses his nose. "I love you."
"Love you." He licks his lips and squirms.
Steve feeds him the rest of the bowl. Then Steve pushes his fingers into
Howard's mouth and says, "Suck."
He faces burns hot, but he does it, sucking and licking at Steve's fingers
until they're pulled away.
"You're so good." Steve pushes him down on his back and kisses him. It's a
sloppy, lazy kiss, like they have all the time in the world and Howard moans
into it, spreading his legs so Steve can rest between them. "I'm gonna touch
your nipples."
He nods and Steve rubs them through the shirt and hums softly into Howard's
mouth. He wriggles a bit, because it feels good, because his cock is getting
harder.
"I like it when you smell like me," Steve whispers into his ear. "I like when
you taste like me too. You know, after you've sucked my cock."
Howard's breath hitches and he puts his hands on Steve's hips and tries to drag
him closer. "I-I like it, too. I like tasting you." He closes his eyes. "I feel
dizzy."
"Okay." Steve's breath is hot and fast against Howard's ear. "Can I take off
your shirt?"
"Yes." He sound afraid, but he doesn't meant to sound afraid.
"You can use your safeword, if you need to," Steve says, pulling the shirt off
of him, then pressing a kiss to his sternum.
"I don't need." He drags his hands up Steve's back and reminds himself he has
nothing to worry about. Steve will stop if he asks. "I love you."
Steve takes a deep breath and pulls away.
Howard opens his eyes in surprise. "What—What are you doing?"
"You're scared." Steve puts his hands on Howard's spread thighs. "Do you need
me to stop?
He shakes his head. "No. No, I'm okay. I… come back here."
"Promise you'll safeword if you need it." Steve looks at him solemnly and
Howard feels such relief.
How could he be afraid of this? Afraid of Steve? "I promise." Steve nods, once,
then leans back down to kiss him. Howard wraps his arms around Steve and
deepens the kiss. It's weird to have so little between them, but it's good too.
His cock thinks it's really good. He arches up against Steve, rubs up against
him, and groans.
"Can we… Can we take off our underwear?"
Howard's hips jerk up at the thought and he nods frantically.
Steve wiggles out of his underwear, then pulls off Howard's before surging
forward. They both cry out at that and Howard wraps his legs around Steve's
hips. And he's scared again, terrified, but he's pretty sure if he safewords
his balls are going to fall off. And this is all right. This is good. Great,
Perfect.
Steve ruts up against him and he ruts right back, his hands tangled in Steve's
hair, both of them moaning each other's names.
He's feeling dizzy again, everything's spinning and he's not sure how he feels
except that he loves Steve, he's always loved Steve, and he always will.
Steve cries out, body tense, and there's wetness between them. Steve's—oh!
Howard arches up and kisses Steve hard on the mouth as his own orgasm burns
through him, hot and wonderful and really, really, messy.
"Ugh," Steve says, after a few minutes, and flops down on the bed. "That—I
didn't mean to go so fast. I thought I'd have to… to convince you more."
"Um, me, too." He grimaces at the mess on his stomach and chest. "Maybe I'm
saving my freak out for later?"
"Maybe." Steve grabs the discarded t-shirt and wipes them both down.
"So, we had sex." He looks over at Steve who has his serious face on. "I feel
like we should have a parade."
Steve snorts and rolls his eyes.
"No, really. It'll be the "Howard and Steve finally had sex" parade. We could
have floats and bands and ticker tape. Do they still have ticker tape?" He
frowns in thought.
"Let's just have a cake." Steve leans over and kisses him. "My mom will
probably want to make us one anyway."'
Howard makes a face. "What a horrible thought."
"Just a little." Steve tilts his head. "Do you feel like freaking out yet?"
"No. Maybe I won't." He probably will, but he'll do it quietly, where Steve
can't see it.
*****
Surprisingly, he doesn't freak out about the sex. Probably because orgasms are
awesome and he and Steve have lots and lots of them together. He actually calls
Maria in London to tell her about them, it's only fair since she and her
soulmate fucked on his bed, but about ten minutes in she hangs up on him.
Maria can be pretty damn rude.
Anyway, he doesn't freak out about the sex. Or the "yay, we did it" cake Steve
bakes them.
What does him in—which is weird because he was fine when he bought it—is the
ring. He has a total meltdown about Steve's ring, with ranting and crying and
even a bit of hyperventilating. Right in front of Joseph and Sarah. It's so
horrible that Joseph actually leaves the house.
Sarah, who is a saint, sits Howard down on the couch and makes him breathe into
a paper bag until he's coherent.
He tries to explain that he's not freaking out because he doesn't love Steve,
he does. "I just… I…"
"It's a big commitment and you're young," she says, hugging him and laughing.
"It's frightening. I understand."
"You do?" He must sound skeptical because she smacks his head.
"Yes, I do." She chuckles and shakes her head. "When Joseph and I exchanged
symbols, we had a big Church ceremony. It was lovely, up until I threw up on
the priest. And Joseph's shoes."
Howard can't help himself, he laughs. "You didn't!"
She laughs right along with him. "I did. I was nervous and scared, too. It
didn't mean that I didn’t love Joseph. I was just young. It's normal, Howard.
It's completely normal, but if you're not ready, hold onto the ring until you
are. Steve will wait for as long as you need."
So, he does.
*****
He holds onto the ring for three weeks.
*****
Howard is sprawled on the floor doing his homework when Steve comes crashing
into the room. Steve is a mess: his clothes are torn, his bottom lip is
swollen, and his nose is bleeding. "What the hell happened to you?" he says,
jumping to his feet in alarm.
"Fight." Steve flops on the bed and wipes his nose with the back of his hand.
"You should see the other guy."
"Why were you in a fight?" Howard grabs a clean t-shirt from the drawer and
presses it to Steve's nose.
Steve shrugs. "A group of guys were beating on this kid."
"And you thought it was a good idea to jump in? They could have killed you!" He
tsks; he's going to need the first aid kit.
"I wasn't just gonna let them hurt some poor kid. That isn't right." Steve says
it so earnestly, with such confidence, that Howard realizes that he's so very
glad that Steve is his dom, his soulmate.
He touches Steve's cheek and gently kisses his mouth. "Hold on a second." He
gets up and retrieves the ring box from his sock drawer. Then he kneels at
Steve's feet and opens the box. "Do you accept this symbol of my love and
obedience?"
"W-What?" Steve's eyes widen. "I’m all bloody!"
"Is that a no?" He knows it's not, but he says it anyway.
"Your timing, Howard." Steve laughs. "Ouch. No, it's not a no. Put the ring on
my finger."
He does, then he watches as Steve takes the collar out of his underwear drawer.
Steve shows it to him. "Do you accept my symbol of love and dominance?"
"Yes." He lifts his chin and holds his breath as Steve puts it on him. "Do you
think your mom will make us a cake?"
"Yeah, she'll probably write 'it's about damn time' across the top, though."
"Your mom's a real pushy bottom," he says.
Steve grins and runs his hands through Howard's hair. "It's a family curse."
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