Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4939075.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, Multi, M/M
  Fandom:
      Code_Geass
  Relationship:
      Schneizel_el_Britannia_&_Lelouch_Lamperouge_|_Lelouch_vi_Britannia,
      Kururugi_Suzaku_&_Lelouch_Lamperouge_|_Lelouch_vi_Britannia, Schneizel_el
      Britannia/Kanon_Maldini
  Character:
      Lelouch_Lamperouge_|_Lelouch_vi_Britannia, Schneizel_el_Britannia,
      Kururugi_Suzaku, Kanon_Maldini, Nunnally_vi_Britannia
  Additional Tags:
      Smut, Dubious_Consent, Master/Slave, Forced_Marriage, Suicide_Attempt,
      Drugs, Mental_Health_Issues, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon_Divergence, What-
      If, Alternate_Universe_-_Gender_Changes, Genderbending
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-10-05 Chapters: 19/19 Words: 83819
****** Checkmate: Schemes and Subjugation ******
by ayaheartright
Summary
     AU/what if: Guilford never noticed Lulu in R2 ep 17? Captured by her
     brother, a fem!lelouch now finds her role in life has completely
     changed, or so she thinks. Reality is always more complicated than we
     expect. Sometimes the lines between slave and master are blurred,
     especially with geass involved.
Notes
     I made footnotes for this fic on fanfiction.net but since I'm not
     really sure how to make individual notes per chapter, I'm just going
     to leave that part out. If you are really curious, my account name is
     the same for both sites. When/if this gets taken down there, I plan
     on transferring all the relative A/Ns over. Otherwise, this is just
     the story without my random rantings.
***** Impure Intentions *****
Damnit, Guilford, you had one job!
She pressed her hand into her collarbone with more force, knowing full well
that it would make no difference. The signal she designated, making a loose
fist against her chest, was worthless if the man didn't see it. Her careful
planning, the thirty-two different routes, all forked off one event: her escape
from the Shine. Whether that escape happened after her goal of allying with
Suzaku was achieved, or through her back up plan, was of little consequence to
her well being. That was what she expected, at least. She expected Cornelia's
Knight to be curious enough about Zero to watch her through the scope of his
Knightmare.
Her hand remained in that position the entire drive. Lelouch was frozen in
place as reality began to sink in. She was betrayed. Again. After all the shit
that Suzaku put her through, she should have known better. She should have
known that her ex wouldn't listen; he wouldn't care. Her cheek throbbed from
where he pressed her face into the gravel with his infantry boot, but not as
much as the pain in her heart. She was an idiot to take such risk. Everything
was ruined, and for what?
Nunnally.
She bet everything on the chance that Suzaku would see past her transgressions
to save Nunnally. Well, to be honest she didn't gamble everything. Since her
plan G failed, it was safe to say those words, however. She was full of lies,
so what was one more for self-pity? She lied, saying everything he wanted to
hear, and it still wasn't enough. He didn't help her. He didn't promise to save
Nunnally. He sold her out.
Again.
The trembling of her hand was unbearable. She was in a panic. The world around
her became stifling from the confines of the back seat of Schneizel's polished
BMW. The smug bastard had to show his power through every detail. She would
have rather been in a prison vehicle. At least then her sense of smell wouldn't
be invaded by fresh leather to the point of nausea. She closed her eyes even
though that just made it worse. The nothingness behind her eyelids left only
that smell, and the sound of her ragged breathing.
She was drowning. Was it possible to drown on air? Probably. It had to be
possible, considering that was her predicament. Every last bit of energy she
possessed was focused on keeping her dignity. She would not vomit; that would
only make the car smell even more disgusting. She would also not cry. There was
no way in hell she was going to have a panic attack.
Possible scenarios rushed in through her mind faster than her inhales, which
thankfully were slowing down. She didn't gamble everything. There had to be a
solution, a way out if this. She wasn't in checkmate yet. Her hands weren't
bound. She could remove her contact and use geass the moment the car door
opened. No. That was stupid. Without the aide if a Knightmare, she wouldn't get
very far.
Should she play along like a good prisoner? Schneizel said he would play
mediator between her and their Father. That meant that he had some intention of
hearing her side if the story. She could only hope that he planned to do so in
person. That would turn things around. Hell, that would make this situation
advantageous. She could make her brother into her slave. The Prime Minister
would become a puppet of Zero.
That could never happen. If Suzaku sold her out, he most certainly divulged her
little secret. Her opposite hand unclenched from the hem the skirt of her
Ashford uniform. She lightly ran her fingers over the dirt caked on the side of
her face. He betrayed her. Again. She began counting with each breath,
determined not to cry.
Outwardly she appeared serene, as if she hasn't a care in the world. She had
months to perfect her facade. How many times had she panicked leading the Black
Knights only to find certain victory? The only difference was that right then
she was alone. There was no one to aid her because that fuck up Guilford was
too busy to look at her. She was dead in the water.
That was preferable. She would rather be dead than captured. Being captured
meant that she was being shipped back to the homeland, shipped back to the
Emperor. She swallowed back bile. The idea of being in the same room with that
man again sent shivers down her spine.
"There are many uses for you still."
She experienced the first one: bait for C.C. It was doubtful that the same fate
waited her as the last time. Having her memory erased, and sent back to Ashford
Academy would probably seem like a blessing compare to the other options. The
way he looked down on her was just not right. Even with eight years of
separation, no Father should stare at his daughter like that. Maybe she should
beg her brother to take her death into his own hands.
Her lavender eyes snapped open the moment she heard the door handle turn. It
was now or never. She quickly removed her contact and began her command.
"Lelouch Vi Brit-"
She stopped mid sentence. There was no reason to continue since the person at
the door was already under her influence. Suzaku. He really did betray her. A
single tear travelled down her sullied cheek, but she made no effort to wipe it
away. She glared at him like he was the most loathsome thing in existence,
which so happened to be the exact same face he gave her earlier. He averted his
gaze. A small measure of satisfaction broke through her sorrow before it
diffused. At least he wasn't happy about his actions.
"Suzaku."
"Don't try to convince me to let you go." He barked, and approached with a
blindfold in one hand and, handcuffs in the other.
Lelouch moved deeper into the sedan, not that it would matter. She could cling
to the fabric or door handle with all her might; he would still drag her out.
If there was one thing she could never win, it was a test of physical strength.
Against a terminally ill person on his or her deathbed, probably, beating
Suzaku certainly not. She knew from experience. The last time he captured her,
she resisted. She kicked, and screamed, and when that didn't work, she
attempted to seduce him. The result was still the same.
"Let me put my contact back in, and then you will just need to restrain me.
Don't use the blindfold."
"And why should I believe you? All you say are lies, Lulu."
The luxurious texture of the finely spun silk blindfold made her feel dirty. It
was probably from her philandering brother's personal stash. She didn't want to
think about the sins he committed with the strip of cloth. They were no worse
than her own, but of a different nature. She loved Suzaku with everything she
had. Even now, as he marched her towards the Avalon with precise direction, she
loved him. The only person to surpass that devotion was Nunnally. Those
relations were obviously barely comparable. In many ways, there was nothing
more pure than the love siblings shared. It wasn't tainted with lust.
She pulled at the cuffs, willing the piece to be from the same collection,
rather than police grade. Of course she wouldn't be so lucky. Despite her
previous admission of checkmate, her pride wouldn't allow her to do nothing. It
was a double-edged sword. To struggle with no avail was just as humiliating as
being docile. Unless that struggle produced results, it was better to hold her
head high.
"Little Sister," Schniezel's voice matched the fabric over her eyes. When did
they board the Avalon? She was so caught up on following Suzaku's directions to
not trip; she neglected to notice her surroundings. It was of little
consequence. She was too dependent on sight. The likelihood of her being able
to deduct her environment by smell and sound only were negligible. Her hands
were bound behind her back. She was helpless. "Sir Kururugi, you may leave us."
"Majesty…."
"Fufufu," her brother chuckled. "I admit I do not know much about this geass.
Are you suggesting I need protected against a 120lb female, who is both bound
and blindfolded?"
Suzaku responded by releasing his harsh grip on her forearm. He was no ally,
and yet the loss of his presence caused even more trepidation. She was alone
with Schneizel. That was her guess. After the soft thud of the door closing,
the only sound was her own breathing. It was possible the room was filled with
a firing squad, but the Prime Minister's words suggested otherwise.
Slowly false images began to fill the void in her mind. She could picture him
standing in front of her looking down at his long lost sister, the 'Man of
Miracles,' and enemy of the Holy Britannian Empire. He was always looking down
on her. Even at the Vermilion City, he purposefully placed his king piece in
harm's way to test her. She could see his smug smile in her mind's eye. In a
way, she was grateful to be blinded. At least she didn't have to view it in
reality.
His footfalls were soft, and moving away from her. She strained her ears to
hear rustling, and the clank of glass several yards away. This must be his
study or private quarters. Even after years of separation, she could recognize
the smell of his cologne. It permeated the whole area, suggesting he spent most
of his time in this location. That smell became practically overwhelming as he
approached. She jerked away when something moist caused stinging in her cheek.
"There are a few cuts. The alcohol will clean the wounds. As the Knight of
Seven, Sir Kururugi is outside my reprimand for his actions."
His handkerchief, which was also made of silk, caressed her cheek with gentle
strokes. Expensive scotch mixed with his natural scent, making the receiving
air less familiar. The last time she was near Schniezel, he was barely a man,
only a year older than she now. His drink of choice was much less masculine or
refined. His breath tickled her wet skin. There was no reason for him to be so
gentle or so close.
"I always knew you had the potential to match me one day." He said, replacing
the handkerchief with his bare fingers. "Our chess match at Odysseus'
engagement party was exquisite. I was on the edge of my seat when you cornered
me, forcing me to make a death move." His hand moved to cup the bottom of her
chin, lifting her head up. "My how you've grown, my dear. You are every bit the
woman I imagined you would become. The only difference is I hoped we would play
on the same side."
"Fate has an odd way of throwing a wrench in our plans."
He chuckled again, and ran his thumb over her bottom lip. She tried to pull
away, but he only tightened his grip. His friendly aura suddenly frightened
her. Her pulse quickened with each pass of his finger. She wanted to see his
face, if for no other reason to see what he was thinking. The few conclusions
she came to were unpleasant.
"It seems you are capable of speaking truth from these lips." He forced her
mouth open and she tasted the remnants of scotch. The sour taste in addition to
her heightened anxiety was making her feel ill. "Be still. I assume I don't
need to warn you not to bite."
He didn't. Despite his flowery words of equality, he was making it clear that
he held her life in the palm of his hands. He made no effort to wipe away the
tears that leaked from her eyes; the blindfold absorbed them. She choked back a
sob, wondering how someone could make her feel so violated with minimal effort.
His thumb explored the inside of her mouth, running over her straight teeth,
and tongue.
"Swallow." He commanded, removing the digit. She knew he left 'your spit' out
on purpose. She never would have guessed Schneizel to be such a vulgar man.
Then again, it was all a power play. He was playing a verbal chess match with
her severely handicapped. "Good girl." He clucked.
She never felt so disgusting in her life.
"What are you planning to do?" She asked, hating the tone of her voice even
more than the way her body was shaking.
"Would you believe me if I said I didn't know?"
"No."
He hummed and made a slick trail of saliva down her neck. His fingers dried out
around he collarbone, and his hand ceased at the hem of her top. His breath was
heavy against hers, suggesting that that their noses were practically touching.
She hoped he didn't try to kiss her. At that moment she wasn't certain she
could resist the desire to bite... or reciprocate. Lelouch was not a masochist,
so it made no sense for there to be an unsettling wetness between her legs. An
evolutionary advantage because God surely wouldn't want his children to feel
such shame.
"Zero is dead. He or she, however you call yourself, died by bad luck. When
flying towards the Tokyo settlement, the energy filler malfunctioned. Bad
Indian engineering."
"No one would believe such an absurd story."
"It's already done. I had Lloyd make it happen, much to the man's distress."
His other hand, that wasn't making patterns against her collarbone, gripped the
hair at the nape of her neck. "Are you upset not to go out in a blaze of glory?
Some righteous act that portrays your conflicting ideals?" His lips were a
feather touch against hers, with just enough space that he could continue to
speak. "This is the only way to save you from Father."
She laughed. That statement was even more absurd than his cover story. Except
people would believe that if he announced it properly. It was exactly what they
didn't want to hear, which is why it would work. The Black Knights already were
close to turning on her; she could sense it. The only thing keeping her
subordinates loyal was her military prowess. They wouldn't risk an
investigation to save face, what remained anyway.
"Nunnally?"
She didn't care what happened to her so long as her sister was safe. There was
a possibility that if the Emperor believed her dead, he would find Nunnally's
worth had run out. Depending on how he felt of her actions as Vicereine this
could save her, or spell disaster.
"She will be protected, so long as you are agreeable. Our little sister is the
source of your strength, and also your biggest weakness. Perhaps it is because
I have no one that I share a full blood relation with that I do not fully
understand."
"I'm still your sister." She implored, dizzy from his proximity. Was he waiting
for her to initiate? He held her in an almost kiss this entire conversation.
She was certain the only thing keeping her upright was his grip.
"The most powerful rulers always took their siblings as wives. Most likely an
attempt to keep that power in the family. Or perhaps they felt as I do for
you."
"Incest only leads to congenital birth defects." She argued.
"That's a problem for the future. Several generations, actually. I'm only
concerned about the present."
With that last statement, he bridged the millimeter gap between their lips with
crushing force. Her struggle lasted far less time than she would have wanted to
admit. Fear for her sister prevented Lelouch from biting down on his tongue,
and his skill caused her to melt. She wasn't a blushing virgin. The months of
bliss she shared with Suzaku involves lots of sex. Still, that evidently was
not enough experience to make her immune to advances. Suzaku was her only
lover, and until that moment, the only person she kissed.
When she began to wonder if her brother had some sort of breathing machine
hooked to his nose, he pulled back, winded. She bit back a moan, ashamed of her
actions now that she had a moment to think. She would do what he demanded for
Nunnally. At least until she could think of an alternative, she would play
along. That was the only reason. Her body's betrayal had nothing to do with it.
His arrogant laugher was really beginning to grate on her nerves. The sound was
against her ear. She hissed when he nibbled on the cartilage, sparks flying
down to unmentionable places.
"Later, Little Sister. I promise I will break that cool exterior of yours. I
have a feeling you are going to be my favorite opponent."
She didn't want to hear those words. Even less did she want to hear his soft
footfalls moving away from her and the thud of the door closing. She was all
alone, handcuffed, blindfolded, and sexually aroused. It was a surprisingly
effective means of torture. She fell to a heap on the floor, wondering what
life had in store for her now.
===============================================================================
Twenty-six people died the night of her medical exam. She didn't count herself,
but Suzaku informed her of the number the next morning. A part of her wondered
if he was telling her to prove a point, in addition to voicing his abhorrence
for her very existence. He was telling her to prove that no matter how many
people she slaughtered, she would continue to be a caged animal.
She was smart about it too, following all the doctor's orders verbatim, putting
up just enough of a fight to seem concerned. Whether Schneizel was testing her,
or stupid she wasn't certain. Regardless, she wasn't stupid enough to fall for
the sacrificial pawn. The fact that her command was already issued when it came
time to remove her IUD, whispered when the man inspected the eye, helped.
If that procedure had come first, she might have lost it, ordering the suicide
of all who participated in its extraction right then. Lelouch knew that the
birth control method showed up on her X-ray. That didn't deter the hatred she
felt for Suzaku for allowing the defilement to happen. He allowed her to be
inspected like breeding stock for her brother.
Her ex stood watch in the doorway, ignoring her pleas of protest. As the only
person on board who was immune to her power, he insisted to be present in case
she needed sedated. Lelouch doubted those words, feeling he just wanted to see
her suffer. She managed to make him flinch when she explained to the nurse, in
graphic detail, the reason she had the copper in the first place. At the time
she didn't care that the only way to hurt him was to bring up the good times.
She would destroy blameless memories in addition to blameless persons. Her
treasured moments were now ruined.
At 300 hours, she would have her escape. When she was away, safe from probing,
safe from violation, she would figure out the moment she started thinking in
military time.
Except that escape never happened. All the conditions were cleared; the doctor
acquires the code to unlock her door, the handcuff key, and even a change of
clothes. It was only bad luck that brought her back to the executive suite. The
space was the equivalent of an efficiency apartment. It was grandeur, furnished
with a king size canopy bed, dinette, and lamb leather sofa. The countertops of
the bathroom and empty kitchen were the finest white marble. Still, the
extravagance didn't change that the room was her holding cell.
On the lowest level of the Avalon, right when she was about to exit, she ran
into Nina. The student council member recognized her, calling out her name. She
didn't know her classmate was Zero. Lelouch made a run for it, as pitiful of a
display as it was, ordering the death of any soldier who came within her
vicinity. She still would have made it if it weren't for the other member of
the student council present. Suzaku. He appeared out of thin air and threw her
against the ground with much more force than necessary.
He covered her left eye with his hand as he dragged her back too many flights
of stairs (she didn't deserve to use the elevator), past the doctor, who killed
himself once he perceived his mission complete, and an amused looking
Schneizel. It was highly unlikely she would be let go if she geassed him,
however, she never fought so hard for anything than to get her head free when
she walked past him.
He simply quirked single dark blond eyebrow, and said something to Kannon,
before the two returned to what she assumed was his bedroom. They were both in
boxers and the assistant's flush was surely not due to the commotion. She
couldn't help her one exposed eye from widening at the sight of her brother-
soon to be husband's nearly naked form. He was a hulk of a man, as muscular as
he was tall. She prayed that he continued to ignore her in favor of sodomy.
The only thing she accomplished was making Schneizel nervous. This was evident
when Suzaku joined them for brunch late morning. He came into her room,
informing her to shower and dress, before giving her the option of an eye patch
or another blindfold. She chose the patch, and remained complacent when he tied
her hands. He defied her expectations when he hovered a few feet off, rather
than leaving when her brother arrived. Schneizel's calm exterior couldn't hide
that he kept a Knight of the Rounds present against a "120lb female," who was
tied to a chiavari chair.
"Open your mouth or I will have to ask Sir Kururugi to assist in force feeding
you."
Schneizel's calm morphed to annoyance after her fourth time refusing food.
By the way her stomach was grumbling she couldn't use that she wasn't hungry as
an excuse. She was famished, not having consumed anything the day before.
Still, she silently turned her head every time he forked delicious smelling
eggs florentine near her, saying "ahhh." Her indignant behavior was her last
attempt to maintain control of something.
She was stripped of everything else. Her one chance at freedom was gone. Was
she doomed to be dressed up like a doll in fancy party dresses for breakfast
dates, and locked away otherwise? He had to know if she were ever not tied
down, she would kill him. When she eventually fell asleep she had her first
murderous dream of someone other than the Emperor. It was a sweet nightmare,
considering how it began (her spread eagle on the bed being raped) was likely a
premonition.
"You know." He said, tapping the fork against his plate. "This isn't what I
would call agreeable."
The cuisine was the most amazing things she ever had. Once the first fork full
entered her mouth, she gave into temptation, and her hunger. Her reasoning to
deny was forgotten, even when Schneizel decided to feed her with his fingers.
He beamed at her eagerness, remembering her healthy appetite and favorite foods
by his means of selection. It wasn't until his hand lingered post sticky bun
that reality came crashing down.
"Suck the syrup off." He ordered lazily, not bothering to lower his voice.
"Suzaku's watching." She lied. Her ex was definitely alert, but his face was
pointed towards the window.
A sinister smile played across her brothers chiseled face. "Sometimes it's the
most fun with an audience."
She blushed, hating the obedient way she allowed him to shove three fingers in
her mouth. Her eyes squeeze closed when he leaned over, whispering
instructions. When he informed her to "swirl her tongue more," she would be
hard pressed to deny what he was imitating. She fought the urge to bite, hard,
and flicked her tongue at the tip of his middle finger.
"Good girl."
She wouldn't cry. Not even when his other hand inched its way up her skirt. The
painstakingly slow pace that he drew nonsensical shapes against her thigh was
unbearable. She would rather he just get it over with. Then she could block it
all out, go into some sort of Happy Gilmore, happy place. Instead his teasing
made her want to beg, but for what; she didn't know. It felt like an eternity
for him to reach the upmost part of her inner thigh.
It was a lie that he forgot to provide her panties. Her brother was an eloquent
fibber, however, not even he could pull that off. She struggled against the
expertly tied cloth as he pushed his fingers deeper into her mouth the same
time that his other hand pushed past her wet folds. She felt revolting. It was
worse than the day before because she arched towards him, towards the
incestuous invasion.
"You're dripping, Lulu."
She mewled in response to his husky voice and the evil way he flicked her clit.
He began with one finger, and quickly added more until she felt stretched. She
didn't know how many digits; his hands were large like the rest of him. Her
mouth was opened as wide as her jaw would allow, and her snatch carried a
similar, far more sensitive sensation.
"Look at me." She shook her head 'no' to the best if her abilities. "You chose
the eyepatch for a reason. You want to look at me."
Her eyes snapped open to meet his uncharacteristically clouded ones. His
demeanor was otherwise composed. In the back if her mind she wondered what
shade her normal eye was. She wouldn't want to know. She was grateful for her
full mouth, muffling her scream when his fingers curled to find her g-spot.
Her previous experience with Suzaku was nothing like this. He made her feel
loved, cherished, and not vile. He also didn't know what he was doing, at least
comparatively. They were both inexperienced virgins when they started dating,
and were still in the stage of exploring each other when it ended. That
exploration usually didn't last long before one of them got frustrated and
demanding. He never found that spot.
The spot Schneizel found with ease.
The spot that made he squirt, drenching her skirt with juices.
He laughed at her, removing both hands and wiping them off on a napkin. He left
her uncleaned. Lelouch panted like a bitch in heat, stars dancing in her
blurred vision. An attribute she could not blame on the distortion caused by
her eye covering. Bile threatened her throat as her wonton actions filtered
into her conscious mind. Actions caused by her brother. She was going to be
sick; it was a bad idea to eat so much.
"Don't look so distraught, Little Sister. I'd say you enjoyed yourself,
wouldn't you agree, Kururugi?"
Oh god, Suzaku. Suzaku was watching.
She forgot. She forgot everything except the disgusting delicious feeling of
being desecrated. Maybe she was a masochist, considering she glanced in her ex
boyfriend's direction. It wasn't difficult. He was stationed on her right side.
The look on his face made her regret that decision. If she thought he made an
expression of complete loathing the day before, this one took the cake. She
deserved it too.
"She seemed to enjoy herself very much, Majesty."
He called Schneizel that before. That was the incorrect term. Suzaku, being the
fucking Knight of Seven, should know better. There was only one man who could
be called that title...
"Kururugi already acknowledges me as the rightful ruler of the Holy Britannian
Empire." Schneizel said, sensing her thoughts. "There's only one more loose end
to tie up. I'm going to commit your favorite sin, my love. Patricide."
She glanced back over to Suzaku to see him staring out the window again. So he
sold her the first time for Knight of Seven, and he sold her the second time
for, presumably, Knight of One. She seemed to be getting more valuable as time
progressed. It was too bad that was impossible; the emperor was immortal. No
one could kill him. She tried. That was why she begged Suzaku to save Nunnally.
That was how she fell into this fucked up mess, with bodily fluids covering her
chin and thighs.
"But, back to the topic at hand." Schneizel continued in a nonchalant voice, as
if he were discussing the weather. "Kannon will be happy to hear that you make
an perfect chinese finger trap."
"You have an odd opinion of marriage, Brother." Lelouch said his role like a
curse, resuming her stoic attitude despite the quivering flush of her skin or
elevated heart rate.
"The purpose of monogamy is to ensure proper lineage of offspring. Certain
games won't affect that. Don't worry though. I have every intention of being
selfish before sharing you. It will only be a few days until the locking eye
patch is finished. The construction is probably similar to your helmet. I hope
you don't mind waiting until then. I want you to be able to wrap your arms and
legs around me when we consummate our union."
 
***** La Mondotte: Drinking $600 a Bottle Wine. *****
The following days were a calm before the storm. Schneizel still kept his
mealtime appointments, obviously enjoying the act of feeding her. His method of
doing so stayed appropriate. Lelouch learned her lesson and didn't fight. She
accepted the offering the first time like a "good girl." He seemed just as
amused watching her flinch away from innocent gestures, for example, wiping
stray food off the corner of her lips with a napkin.
She denied the desire to have him lick it off instead.
She was allowed freedom of movement when alone. Her warden, Suzaku, would enter
the room with restraints if any one else were to visit. That role was limited
to Schneizel, mostly, and an 'artist' of some sort came once to measure her
head. She didn't need to ask to know that it was the final fitting for her
locking eye patch. That eye patch would act as her shackle, and make her weak.
The eye patch would give Schneizel the strength to rape her. If we are being
honest, he always had that strength. The ability to do so without her tied
down, however, required her to be bared from using geass.
The time that she was alone was incredibly boring. So boring that she theorized
ways Schneizel actually could defeat the Emperor. Their Father didn't need to
literally die to be considered dead to the world. Something simple like
blasting the entrance to all the Thought Elevators would work. Even more simple
would be encasing him in the holding tank C.C. was trapped in. None of these
theories made it to conversation. Let her sadistic brother come up with his own
plan(s.) A small voice in her mind argued that helping Schneizel was actually
in her best interest. That voice was too small to be convincing. It was small
and weak, just like her.
Once again she was reminded that her physical abilities were pathetic. If she
shared Kallen's agility, Lelouch could calculate at least twenty-seven
different routes of escape. It didn't matter that she could crack every code
that locked her door, considering that Suzaku was always there. Each time she
attempted to leave, he was standing in the hallway. Whether it was four in the
afternoon or four in the morning, he was there. After the first stab he didn't
even bother to force her back into her cell. He would just stare are her
and wait. This inevitably resulted in her returning by her own volition and a
technician coming out to reprogram the lock.
Words could not describe how much she despised him. The hatred she felt was
different than the hatred for her father, and now her brother also. Ironically
it made her sympathize with Suzaku's actions. She wanted to hurt him and love
him at the same time. She wanted to see him suffer, and save him from that
suffering. It made absolutely no sense. She could only hope he was as
conflicted. At least then he would be in pain too.
It was funny how thin the line was. Love. Loathe. They even sounded similar. If
she spoke them fast enough; it became a blur.
She didn't have a place to go anyway. Maybe that was why her brother never
reprimanded or threatened her. In the event that she could outwit him, and over
power Suzaku, she was still at his mercy. She couldn't return to Ashford
Academy. She couldn't return to the Black Knights. Schneizel went one step
above claiming her death, and met with the officers, explaining her geass
power. That was the nail in the coffin. Even if she returned they wouldn't
welcome her. The only person, who unconditionally had her back, C.C., had
reverted back to a slave girl.
That's not even mentioning that if he did want to cease her efforts, he knew
how. He could use Nunnally against her. Realistically, she should be playing
good prisoner. She should be doing everything Schneizel wanted, so why didn't
she? Pride? Fear? Those were factors. The root reason was boredom. He left the
room without books or a computer so she would spend her time philosophizing and
hacking the system. He stationed Suzaku out the door, and continuously used an
electronic lock, rather than one that required a key, because it was amusing.
Lelouch didn't bother to get up from the sofa when she heard the door open. It
could only be one person. Time must have slipped away from her because she
didn't realize it was evening. She surprisingly wasn't even hungry. Maybe that
was because she wasn't expending countless amounts of calories coming up with
high-level calculations. It could also be the reason she was dreading. Lelouch
glanced at the extremely large modern style clock on the wall.
The time was 1600, or as the clock read 4pm. The numbers glared back at her
with no emotion. She prayed the device was wrong, the hands stopped. She knew
she wasn't that lucky. There was still three hours till dinner. Her stomach
lurched and her palms began to feel sweaty. It was a cold sweat, the kind that
was extremely uncomfortable, especially in the dry air conditioning.
Lelouch rolled over, and curled up in the fetal position. She was skilled at
both falling and remaining asleep in any situation. The possibility of sleeping
through this event was minuscule. It was smaller than the voice in her head
telling her to not resist.
Suzaku hovered over the back of the couch for longer than she expected. " Wake
up."
"Make me."
She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. A feeling of déjà vu
washed over her, overlaying the environment like the red haze when she used
geass. The cold sweat faded as another memory became ruined. She imagined
Suzaku felt it also, considering his body stilled mid motion.
She was still mostly asleep, but alert enough to appreciate her lover's
tentative touch on her hair and face. Suzaku was soaking up the moment,
committing it to memory. Lelouch was doing the same thing, although he could
never tell. She cracked one lavender eye open and watched him unabashedly
stared down at her naked form. The air was cold without the warmth of the
comforter; he pulled it down to get a better look, to drink her in. It was the
morning after, after all. That's probably what any teenage boy would do.
They took each other's virginities the night before in the stale moderately
priced hotel room. The paisley walls were tacky, matching the bedspread too
perfectly. The mix of Britannian and Japanese culture was absurd. A small
Buddha statue, and pictures of Zen gardens seemed comically misplaced even if
all the colors matched. The owner was obviously catering towards people
visiting the old city on holiday, rather than anyone who already knew
traditional culture.
Still, it was magical. A mass of opened condom wrappers made it even better.
No, not because the couple had copious amount of sex the night prior, but
because it was a funny story. Lelouch was so concerned about getting pregnant;
she made Suzaku put the latex on a ridiculous amount of times until the fit
looked right. Needless to say, they went through a few packs because the items
broke.
Everything about the interaction was awkward. She thought about calling it off
several times. She didn't, obviously. As Zero, she put herself in danger every
day. She was prepared to die because she took the lives of others. That was the
philosophy she lived by.
The timing didn't matter. She loved him. She loved him for eight years. Their
relationship wasn't rushed.
"It's time to wake up." He said, finally noticing she was watching him watch
her.
"Make me," she replied, knowing full well that was an invitation.
His unforgiving grip on her leg made her gasp more than being pulled onto the
floor. If looks could kill, she wouldn't have to worry about what the next few
hours would bring. Suzaku's expression was the worst yet. It did prove her
theories correct. He was treading the line also.
"Get up." He repeated, glancing at the door. His jaw was tense. "Stop screwing
around."
She snorted, wondering if that was a terrible attempt at a joke. "If you accept
Schneizel as Emperor, wouldn't that make me first Empress Consort?" Her own
attempt at lightening the mood was even worse.
He scowled down at her before quickly reaching when the door opened. Suzaku's
movements were always lightening speed. He bypassed bullets when the two of
them risked Mao's booby traps to save Nunnally. Still, the speed in which he
pulled both of her arms behind her back, and covered her eye surprised her. She
lost her breath when he slammed her back against his chest, wrapping his right
arm around her slender body. Due to her recent reminisce; his hot breath
tickled her neck more than it should have. They were almost the same height, so
there was nowhere else for the carbon dioxide to go.
"Am I interrupting something?" Schneizel inquired, just enough jealousy
breaking through his mask to make a point, but not enough to spoil his gentle
air.
"No." Suzaku responded a little too quickly. He even neglected the honorific.
Lelouch watched in horror as her brother slowly approached. Her eye wasn't
locked on him per say; the small box caught her attention. She would have
preferred for it to be smaller. The idea of wearing a wedding ring left a sour
taste in her mouth, but nothing like the contents of that container would. Her
eye patch. The lacquered black box surely contained an even worse symbol of her
capture.
"Please, Suzaku, if you ever loved me let me go." She whispered, allowing
herself to visibly shake. When his grip didn't let up she continued. "I
promise, you will still get Japan. Let me take Schneizel under my control. I'll
defeat the Emperor. You know I can do it. We can do it. There's nothing you and
I can't do together. Please. Don't give me to him. It's not worth it."
"You're a small price to pay." His words were a knife to her heart. "Just think
about Nunnally," he added in a softer tone.
"Schneizel will still protect Nunnally! She won't be in danger if you let me
go!" She hissed, concealing her surprise when his grip slackened a fraction.
"Suzaku plea-"
"You wound me, Dear Sister. After all the thought I put into your gift, I was
hoping you would like it. That doctor you killed would have preferred I give
permission to gouge that eye out for study.
"Personally, I would have gone with something more modest in fashion, but then
I remembered it's for you, and not me." His smile was sickeningly sweet when he
places the box on the end table and opened it. "You always enjoyed flashy
trinkets. Kannon helped me pick it out."
"Don't get me involved any more than you already have." The Earl said not
bothering to look up from whatever he was doing across the room.
She didn't notice him enter. Was Schneizel making her shackling a party? Or
worse, he was adhering to archaic traditions. God knew what he had in mind
after the damn thing was put in place.
Schneizel chuckled and held the offending accessory, rubbing the material
between his fingers. "I suppose you are right. The inspiration came from
someone else."
He was mocking her. That was the only explanation for why he would choose such
a color scheme. When he said the eye patch would remind her of her Zero helmet,
he didn't just mean visibility. The large black material wasn't solid; there
was indigo swirling throughout in bold lines. Amethyst gemstones hung off
chains of varying lengths.
"I thought it matched your eyes. Well, the right one." It was a believable lie.
She stifled a whine when the lock clicked, sealing her power in a gothic
inspired prison. It didn't hurt, at least not physically. It was a mechanical
lock, so she couldn't use a mirror to rewrite computer code. Based on the
intricacies of the key, it would be difficult to pick also.
She saw Schneizel's smug satisfaction from her peripheral vision. His hand
lingered at the clasp, rearranging her hair around it. The coloration of the
world was slightly off between her two eyes. Despite the cloth-like texture, it
didn't feel like she was wearing dark mesh or sunglasses over one eye and not
the other. The tint was minimal, and would likely be forgotten sooner rather
than later. Her senses would adjust.
"I do believe that will be all, sir Kururugi. You are dismissed."
She almost fell when the knight released his hold, and moved away. Lelouch
didn't notice that she was leaning on him. She was able to right her balance
before stumbling. Here eyes were glued to the pristine tile floor. She might be
freed from restraints, yet she lost her only chance to access freedom.
"You too, Kannon. I will see you tomorrow morning."
Dear Lord, he plans to spend night here.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" The assistant voiced concerned, staring at
her with steel blue eyes.
Her brother sighed, and ran his hand through thick blond hair. "You worry too
much. Besides, I'm sure my dear sister will behave in favor of privacy."
Her ghost-like complexion was apparently enough of a response. Kannon shrugged,
mumbling, "You're the boss," and left. The door closing seemed to echo
throughout the 250sqft room. She watched, rooted in place, and Schneizel
strolled over to the table, pouring two glasses of wine. Her heart raced seeing
the platter of room temperature served food. His statement of privacy was
synonymous with "do not disturb." That must be what Kannon was arranging when
she was distracted.
"There's no need for you to shake like a sacrificial virgin. Neither are true
for you." Schneizel smirked, sitting on the sofa. "Join me, or have you become
accustomed to being tied up?"
His words were a threat, and yet the way he said them suggested otherwise. The
smirk turned gentle, so much that she wondered if a sinister undertone ever
existed. He watched her with a twinkle in his pastel eyes, like she was the
most fascinating person in the world. It would have been flattering if it
didn't make her feel like an animal at the zoo. She could have found his sharp
cheekbones and square jawline attractive if he weren't her brother.
She acted as requested, taking care to leave as much separation between their
bodies as possible without causing offense. It still wasn't enough. Schneizel's
long arms could reach her at a far longer distance. She accepted the glass of
full-bodied red wine, unceremoniously downing the alcohol in one breath.
His joyous laugher made her face flush, or perhaps it was the drink. He ran his
fingers through his hair again, holding his side with the other hand.
"You're showing your age, Lulu."
Hearing him say her name, rather than a role made the flush worse. Thankfully,
her hand was steady when he took the glass from her. She watched him pour more
La Mondotte from the decanter, informing her "it's better when swirled and
sipped, rather than gulped. It's a strong wine." That much was obvious, her
body was already warm, with her anxiety dulled.
He removed his long white jacket, and purple under robe, leaving only pressed
white dress shirt and slacks; his back was turned, she couldn't tell if the
ascot remained. In addition to the wine, and large piece of dark chocolate cake
cut. The portion would make any other woman embarrassed. Lelouch had too much
on her mind to worry about such trivialities. Seeing her brother without his
royal robes made him seem more human.
That perspective might also be the wine talking. Lelouch wasn't a connoisseur,
but she recognized the quality nonetheless. The single glass she gulped cost
considerably more than the bottle that was purchased for Villeta's birthday
gift. The alcohol content was certainly significantly higher. She accepted the
rich dessert and refilled glass, watching as he laid out intricate crystal
chess pieces on the coffee table. He didn't need to ask if she wanted to play,
and definitely not what color. She was the black king, formerly anyway. All
that remains of that title was homage through her eye patch.
"I'll make you a deal." His silken voice seemed far too intimate since he
returned to an even father off seat. "If you win, I won't touch you."
Her heart was pounding in her ears. Her reply "and if I lose?" sounded like she
was speaking it from underwater.
He chuckled again, a much tamer version of his previous laugher. "Don't give me
that look. I never suggested you down wine on an empty stomach." He leaned
against the side of the sofa, head propped on his arm, while he made his first
move. "I want you to feed me that cake. The portion is large enough that we can
share; you don't need to wait. It pairs well with the wine."
Her eyes widened before returning to normal. The calming haze of her mind was
now a hindrance. For how stoic and calculating her nature was, she acted rash
in that decision. It put her two, maybe three moves behind her brother. She
cursed the way the smooth pawn felt with her tingling sense of touch.
She hated playing his game. She loved chess, and German chocolate cake, but
both sent unpleasant shivers down her spine. The rich flavor lost its appeal
when consumed in hopes of hastening sobriety. It did pair well with the wine.
There were no water cups present; nothing else was available to quench her
thirst. The thought of pouring the alcohol down the drain seemed too wasteful.
Then again, he wasn't Suzaku. There was no reason for her to subconsciously
tally up the cost of this date.
"Check."
He moved his second rook to protect the white king. She closed her eyes,
attempting to dispel the lovely sensation of floating by sheer willpower.
Lelouch wasn't drunk, not yet. Being near intoxication in that situation was
just as dangerous. She wondered if the close match was him teasing her, or her
experience with binge drinking. Just because she threw away the refrain did not
mean a replacement to drown her sorrows wasn't procured.
"You know. I am afraid of you."
Her eyes snapped open at his admission. It spilled from his mouth with ease,
and he took a long sip to fill the void. She glanced at the decanter and
attempted to calculate how many ounces it likely contained. Schneizel was
large, and could probably hold his alcohol. Still, he seemed to have drank
enough to crack his mask.
"You don't act like it." She retorted, using the opportunity to reassess the
chessboard. He was still two moves ahead. She managed to hold her own, despite
the initial disadvantage.
"A facade, I assure you, Dearest Sister. Lulu." The way her said her name and
caressed her delicate wrist felt more sinful than it should. "I needed to make
you fear me. I need to make Kururugi believe I am hurting you. I hope one day
these won't be required."
"Why?" She asked, to what statement; she wasn't sure. All of them, probably.
"Hmm. I wonder." He drawled, lifting the wrist to his lips.
The way he swirled his tongue around her rapid pulse made her gasp. No one
should be so skilled at inciting a reaction. She cursed the alcohol once again,
blaming it for the heat in her lower torso. It had absolutely nothing to do
with the way his clouded eyes peeked through his bangs.
"Lay with me."
"No." She felt a swell of pride at the firmness of her voice.
He smiled against her skin, trailing kisses up the underside if her arm. He
murmured his response, voice husky and quiet. She subconsciously scooted closer
to hear it. "The game is over. The only possibilities are a draw, or if you
finish your third glass; I could probably take your king in four turns."
He bunched the floor length skirt at her knees, using his legs to keep the
fabric in place. In the back of her mind she realized the outfit resembled
Euphie's on Kamine Island, except with hues of contrasting deep and light
purple. The clasp at her neck, the one he was undoing, was a Vesica Piscis
rather than a rose. He picked it to match her eye patch.
"Either way," he continued, now near enough to kiss the bare skin of her
clavicle and not lace. "I do not have to relinquish my right to touch you."
Lelouch wanted to argue that he had no right to touch her in the first place.
She was a damn human being, not some prize to be won, and not a chess piece
(taking her outfit into account). These words died in her throat. She knew how
that conversation would progress. He would laugh at her. Again. Schneizel would
say it was a contradiction. Someone like her, who repeatedly stole free will,
the right of choice from others, saying those words was ironic. At the end of
the day he would have her. He controlled not only her own life, but Nunnally's
as well. The man she once loved, Suzaku, denied her only chance of freedom.
"Brother." She hissed when he bit at the sensitive skin behind her ear.
He was on top of her, using one hand to cup her bare butt, and another to
support his weight. Panties, it would seem, were something she would never wear
again. He chased her lips when she tried to turn her head away, robbing her of
her last protest. Tentative wasn't the right word; his lips weren't forceful
either. He coaxed a response from her with unfair skill, moaning when she
wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair.
"Good girl."
She could hear the condescending praise in her mind because he surely didn't
break the kiss to voice it. They remained lip locked when he removed his dress
shirt, and kicked off his pants. He even managed to maintain the kiss carrying
her to the bed. Whether she wrapped her legs around his waist, or he used his
arms to carry her, she would prefer not to know.
Lelouch needed more wine, or less. More would push her over to oblivion, a
definite state of drunkenness where she could easily justify her incestuous
actions. Less might give her the cognitive ability to think of something to do
other than arch her back when he licked at the hem of the sweet-heart neckline
of her dress. The hypothetical right course of action was an even bigger
mystery than how Schneizel managed to untie the corset style backing of her
dress in his position.
The chill of the air didn't last before her brother's body covered her
nakedness. She moaned, grabbing at his impossibly broad shoulders when he took
one erect nipple between his lips. His hand pushed her thighs apart; this time
he didn't make a comment regarding the amount of wetness. She probably wouldn't
have notice if he did. He had to hold the "Guinness Book of World Record" for
finding that spot.
Her scream permeated the whole room, and at another time she would inquire on
the ability of the walls to absorb sound. The feeling of illusory liquid warmth
that entered her body mirrored the literal kind that left. His touch was more
intoxicating than the wine. She panted for air; convinced she was slick with
sweat.
Unlike the last time, he didn't cease his relentless probing. Profanity and
prayer mixed with her brother's name. If her eye were uncovered, her power
would certainly gone haywire with conflicting orders. Her whole body was on
fire. Schneizel's alternating touch, ranging from irritatingly light, to almost
painful depending on the location, was perfected with years of experience.
And here she thought she was a discreet, controlled lover.
The only time she was quiet was when they kissed. The only time he said
anything was a confession that he could "barely keep control." She couldn't
remember the last time she genuinely laughed, a chiming sound without evil
taint or self-pity. She didn't notice the way his breath hitched at her face
lighting up.
"I need you." His voice was hoarse like he was the one screaming and not her.
Lelouch squeezed her eyes shut when he pushed into her core, feeling like she
was being torn apart, an amazing feeling despite the description. She dug her
short nails into his shoulder, whimpering with each thrust. Her legs wrapped
around his torso, giving him deeper access. She blamed everything on the
alcohol. She would have carried the sins of the world on her back, and yet this
cross was too much to bear. The evidence of their sin would be on her brother's
back.
"Sch-Bro-oh god-I-I"
If he truly did lose control, his voice was drowned out. She did, however,
notice when everything stopped. A split second sooner, and it would have gone
unnoticed. They would have ridden the wave together.
"No." She voiced her protest. That voice became shriller when his previously
loving touch became binding. "No, no, no!"
He held both wrists in one hand, and her ankles, still wrapped around his
torso, in the other. She struggled against the invasion with all her might,
strength heightened with drunkenness. It still wasn't enough to prevent his
seed from being planted in her womb. The pulsating of his cock would have felt
nice if it didn't signify an attempt at conception.
She prayed her uterus was still a toxic environment. The IUD was only extracted
a few days ago. It was highly unlikely the sperm would live. How long would
that last? Not long. That's why she got the damn thing in the first place. It
allowed for a woman to get pregnant right away. There were no hormones to expel
from the system.
"Let me go." She scorned, feeling ill. "Brother, please I -"
She never finished the sentence. After his transgressions, she wished he
couldn't infer what she was going to say. Schneizel's eyes widened and he
pulled her to the edge of bed, keeping a firm hand on her chest to lean
against. His other one made small circles against her spine as she emptied the
expensive contents of her stomach.
The barf burned her throat, making the physical and emotional cold worse. Tears
ran down her cheeks as she heaved. Her only source of comfort, which she hated
the most, was her brother's shush and coos.
"You are the first person to vomit from having sex with me." He voiced once
there was nothing left.
===============================================================================
***** [You] Let Him Go *****
Even if Knightmares were sentient being, Lelouch was certain her pain would
triumph. When the hatch of the Lancelot was cut open, she felt it also. Her
heart was being forced open with the Brake Sword of Tohdoh's Gekka.
Suzaku. Suzaku was the pilot of white-head. The Knightmare that stood in her
way, was the bane of her every operation, that she vowed to destroy, was
piloted by the boy she loved. It was Suzaku all along.
Time stopped as the world around her disappeared. The battle outside the prison
facility no longer existed. All that remained was pain. In the back of her
mind, she registered the taste of copper; she was bleeding through her glove.
She bit down into the flesh of hand, right below the thumb. The fact that this
was also the location that Arthur always bit Szaku was not lost on her. The act
was unintentional. Although, it did keep her from screaming. Hot tears poured
out of her eyes, so hot they could have been boiling, leaving a trail of welts
down the flawless skin of her face. She was shaking uncontrollably, and
attempted to curl up in the fetal position despite the cramped space of the
cockpit. Suzaku. The white-head was piloted by Suzaku.
She didn't know what to do anymore. She couldn't stop; she was too far gone.
The light at the end of the tunnel was no longer visible. All that remained was
darkness. The right choice, to turn around or keep going, seemed impossible to
make. How long would it take her to get out? It was possible she was almost at
the other side. If she turned back now it would be an even harder, more arduous
journey to redemption.
She had to keep going. There was no turning back. If she didn't turn back, that
meant she had to kill him. She would have to eventually kill the man she loved
more than anything sans Nunnaly. She loved Nunnally more than life itself.
Slowly voices started to filter through the darkness. They were a gurgled up
mess, barely audible and certainly not understandable. The fabric of her glove
ripped. Finally the pain in her hand was enough to make a rip in the wall of
her emotional turmoil. She swallowed down an accumulation of saliva and blood,
pulling her hand away. Crimson dripped onto the controls.
"Wait, wait for Zero's orders!" Kallen's voice was on the radio.
Blurry images of he surroundings brought Lelouch back to reality. The Four Holy
Swords were circling the White-Head, circling Suzaku. They were going to kill
him. He was defenseless (well not really). The lack of covering left him wide
open. If she didn't do something, he was going to die.
"No!" She screamed so loud it cracked through the voice modification system of
her helmet. The shrill hysterics of a teenage girl out measured the masculine
voice of Karl Cassel. "Pull back! All units pull back! We got what we came
for!"
Then the scene changed in a way that only made sense in dreams. Lelouch watched
as the stone face of her lover, too gritty to be an accurate interpretation of
his expression, faded out to the concerned expression of the next day. She
could hear, and see the shutter release, like she was viewing from the lense of
a camera. When the black plastic receded, she was sitting outside the Student
Council Clubhouse.
The bright blue sky, the birds chirping, and the sweet smell of the flowers
were out of place. The sky should have been grey with clouds, large raindrops
should be pounding down on the daisies; there should have been a storm. That
would have matched. That was not what happened. For some reason her flashback
maintained an accurate depiction of events.
She sat on the cast iron chair painted white, novel in hand. The contents
weren't important. The words were meaningless. It didn't matter that she read
the same sentence ten times. There was a dull ache every time she turned the
page from her bandaged fingers. Granted, she didn't have to use her thumb, but
that would be too easy.
"Lulu, do you want to talk about the other day yet?"
""What?"
Her eyes lifted from the words that seemed foreign to see Suzaku sitting in the
chair caddy corner to her. When did he get there? The last time she looked up,
the patio was empty. He glanced down at her hand, a concerned expression on his
face.
"The other day ago, when we were sitting out here with Nunnally, you said you
wanted to ask me something."
"Oh. It's... Nothing." She said quietly, clutching the book for dear life. It
made her wounded flexor muscle scream in protest. She couldn't scream, as much
as she wanted to do so. She remained poised, and yet her voice trembled only
the slightest measure. "We can't do this anymore, Suzaku."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"That would be the simplest solution, would it?"
Lyrics from a "The Passenger" song mixed with C.C.'s previous advice. If she
loved Suzaku, she should keep him at distance. She should let him go. Let him
be happy with someone else, someone not destined to destroy Britannia. It would
just be too tragic otherwise; a Romeo and Juliet love story. They were fated to
kill each other. Except she didn't want him to die. Dear God, she wanted him to
live. Still, in the event that such a misfortune was to happen, she needed to
separate herself from him. It was for his well being too. In the unlikely event
that she were to be captured, or die in battle, how would be feel knowing he
killed her? Because her death would surely come from his MVS or VARIS - no
standard Knightmare model would take her down, even if she was only equipped
with a Buari.
"Lulu, is it because of -" His face was pure anguish. Those beautiful emerald
eyes held a hint of insanity in them. He clutched the fabric of his black
slacks at the knee.
"It's because I -"
"It's not you." She interjected, not wanting to hear the sentence he was
struggling to form. " Everything. Everything is my fault. We can't be together
because of me." As much as she wanted to add that she was Zero, she couldn't do
it. Not yet. Not here.
"Are you seriously playing the 'its not you, it's me' card?!" Anger started to
break through his pained expression. "God, Lulu, I thought you were more
original than that."
"It's the truth." She mumbled, before the tone of her voice returned to normal.
"I still want to be friends. For Nunnally, will you still come around?"
"Yeah. For Nunnally."
Lelouch sunk further into the sweet embrace. C.C. never cuddled her like this.
They always slept with their backs against the other. The witch would spoon her
cheese-kun, while still touching Lelouch. This must mean that everything that
happened was just a bad dream. Suzaku wasn't the pilot of the white-head. They
never broke up. He never sold her to the Emperor, or to Schneizel. They were at
home; the apartment attached to the student council clubhouse. It's how things
were supposed to be.
Except that wasn't right. The body that spooned her was much too large to be
her (ex) lover's. Suzaku and her were about the same size, as much as they both
hated that observation. She was the same height with only a ten pounds lighter.
It didn't make sense considering she was model thin, and Suzaku was deliciously
muscular. They were lean muscles though.
Not like the body she was wrapped in. The arm around her waist was much too
pale and long. The leg positioned between her's seemed long also. The person's
torso, obviously, matched. He had to be at least six foot seven, and not at all
lanky. Not like how she was lanky. Comparing weight wouldn't lessen the
contrast.
It was Schneizel.
The memory of the night before broke through her heavily hung-over mind. She
tensed, feeling her brother murmur against her hair in response. With unease
she slowly slipped away from him, lifting the hulking extremities off her body.
She was still naked. Fluids seeped down her thighs when she got up. Lelouch
closed her eyes to stop the room from spinning, and bit back bile. She didn't
want to puke again. The vomit from the night before was more than enough to get
the toxins out of her system. That mess must have been cleaned up after she
passed out. She absently noted that the bed sheets were changed too. In no way
whatsoever was she curious to know if her brother remained naked under those
sheets. The urge to vomit became stronger.
There was a tray of food on the table, everything easy eaten by hand. Fruit,
croissant sandwiches, and sticky buns required no utensils. Of course she
wouldn't be lucky enough to find a knife, or fork. She could definitely kill
the sleeping giant with a fork. The idea of breaking the china crossed her
mind. That would be loud. Even if she took a plate into the bathroom, turned
the water on, and smashed it, there was a possibility he would wake up. She
couldn't remember if he was a light sleeper or not.
After two cups of coffee and one of water, she started to feel less like a
zombie. She had to use the bathroom anyway, so perhaps she might as well try
smashing a plate. A long hot shower was calling her name. She glanced back at
Schneizel's sleeping form. The thought of bathing near him was frightening. It
left her too exposed, too vulnerable.
Then again, both their clothing was missing so being naked in the shower or
naked in the main living space was of little consequence. The only difference
was she could hear his approach outside cascading water droplets. Why someone
would bring breakfast and not clothing was beyond her. Never mind Schneizel had
a change of clothes laid out on the bathroom countertop. She did not. That
observation made her hate him even more. She wasn't naïve enough to think it
was an oversight.
The small item almost went unnoticed. She pulled the diamond studded cufflink
from the ascost, running the point against the palm of her hands. The shaft was
barely over half an inch long. It was a preposterous plan. Still, if she could
stab his External Carotide Artery, there was a chance he would slowly bleed
out. She would have to keep anyone from coming in. She could suffocate him with
a pillow directly after shoving the accessory into his thick neck with all her
might.
There was so much blood on her hands already. By her words, with a gun, and
with a Knightmare, she killed more people than she could count. She killed
Clovis. Schneizel wouldn't be the first time she committed fratricide. He
would, however, be the first person murdered by her literal hands. The piece of
jewelry could hardly be considered a tool. Even if was the key to her brother's
demise.
It truly was a preposterous plan. The chance of success was smaller than the
puncture wound that would kill him. A sinister smile played across her
beautiful features, one only a madwoman would understand. Only someone destined
to the pits of hell would sympathize with the glint in her exposed eye. It was
a good thing she was the 'Man of Miracles,' because it would take a miracle for
her all the conditions to cleared. For her to commit both fratricide and
matricide at the same time, escape the Avalon, rescue Nunnally and live happily
ever after… the chance was less than one percent.
She would do it.
Her heart was pounding in her ears when she entered the main room. Her fight or
flight response was telling her to run, but that was impossible without
fighting first. Thankfully, she worked well under pressure. The hope that if
she failed, Suzaku would protect Nunnally, was in the back of her mind. His
slackened grip when she begged for release suggested that he had the crippled
girl's best interests in mind. Even if he enjoyed watching Lelouch suffer, he
still loved Nunnally. She hoped.
She crawled up her brother's sleeping form. He looked so peaceful, so ready for
death. Straddling his waist, Lelouch lightly ran her fingertips over his neck
and shoulders, searching for the right spot. In her advanced anatomy class, it
was easy to pinpoint the location on paper. It was definitely more difficult in
person. She pressed down harder, holding her breath when he began to stir.
Would he believe it if she lied, saying that she wanted to - she blushed like
the virgin she was not at the thought. She would rather stab herself.
She marked the location with her pinky, and cocked her other hand, the cufflink
between her thumb and two fingers.
"What are you doing?"
Kannon's question gave Schneizel the warning he needed to react. How someone
would be so alert upon waking was beyond her. Finding his wife/sister with an
evil, murderous face first thing in the morning probably helped. She didn't
know how the assistant could silently enter the room. There was the possibility
that she was so focused on the task at hand, she didn't notice. All her
attention was on Schneizel's sleeping body.
"I was hoping you were straddling me for a different reason, Sister."
He was awake the whole time. It would seem the ability to pretend otherwise was
hereditary. Lelouch exhaled when her back slammed against the memory foam
mattress. He quickly pinned down her legs, and grabbed her flailing arms. She
turned her head to the side, both in shame and trepidation. Schneizel's face
was contorted in rage. His mask of serenity was cast aside. His pastel purple
eyes were sharp and a shade darker. His square jaw was tight like a bowstring.
The scowl was pronounced although not deep. She was afraid to look at him.
"I never would have thought Zero would be so desperate as to try to kill me
with a..." He pried her hand open with his free one, removing the contraband.
"Cufflink. How inventive of you." His growl seemed surreal.
"Do you need me to assist somehow?" Kannon's voice was wrought with worry; none
of which directed at her.
Schneizel's cruel smile rivaled Lelouch's when she wasn't quivering in fear. "I
don't know." He drawled, a mockery of the sweet voice from the night before.
"What do you think, Kanon? Do you want to put my theory from dinner to the
test?" He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "My little Chinese finger
trap." Two fingers were shoved deep in her mouth, making her gag.
Her mind screamed at her to bite down. If she did, maybe she would push him
over the edge, to a point of rage where he would kill her. She glanced over at
Kanon. The man's blue eyes were wide at her brother's uncharacteristic
behavior. This wasn't how the two men acted as lovers. Lelouch experienced
being wined and dined (or wined and more wined) the previous afternoon. She
wondered if that was her brother's usual tactic or somewhere between the two
extremes.
He forced her mouth open by pushing down on her jaw. His fingers remained slick
with saliva. She tensed and willing herself to continue staring at the wall as
he slowly moved his hand away. It was a ghost over her skin, never touching. He
was making a show of moving it down her body, and it was one she didn't want to
watch.
Her eyes squeezed shut when he answered her silent question. "I wouldn't want
you to bite Kanon or myself. You haven't proven yourself trustworthy. It's a
good thing you have three holes, my dear."
He circled her hole, making it wet, before pushing one large finger into her
tight sphincter muscles. Lelouch bit her lip and focused on relaxing. It seemed
impossible considering he anxiety. She was more likely to die from a heart
attack it was beating so fast. She was more likely to actually succeed in her
stupid half-baked scheme. 'Man of Miracles,' my ass. Yes, that play on words
was intended.
She couldn't let him do this. The strain from one finger was too much. When he
inserted another it took all her effort not to cry out. The way he pressed his
thumb into the pressure point in her wrist was nothing compared to the pain
there. Being fucked would kill her. She felt her brother's wide girth before,
and was still sore from it. No, it wouldn't be him. It would be -
"Please." She whispered. "Please don't make Kanon participate in your
punishment."
Schneizel sighed, and she dared to open her eyes. It was a gamble. She met the
assistant briefly as Zero at the Vermillion City. She made a comment about her
brother using the Emperor's dogs instead of knighting his own. Kanon was
introduced as Schneizel's everything man, and he did mean everything. The two
times she saw him her brother's prisoner, he seemed friendly. She was always
better at sociology than psychology. She could control an entire army with no
issues; guess a person's move in chess, or any other mind game. Personal
manners were lacking.
"You can leave Kanon. I'm sorry for suggesting you stay."
The two men seemed to have a silent conversation. Kanon gave her a look that
was almost sympathetic before placing a lump of clothing on the dinette. The
color scheme was black and gold. Her forced nakedness really was an oversight.
He nodded at Schneizel, amber hair falling in his face in the process, saying,
"You have a meeting in twenty minutes." Whether it was true or the assistant
was trying to save her, she preferred to think the latter.
"Turn over." Schneizel's mask slipped again, or maybe he was just good at
keeping his anger from being misplaced. He pulled his fingers out. A disgusting
pop sound matched her self-loathing sentiments. "Now."
She didn't argue. In a way, she was glad to be facing away. Then she could
pretend it wasn't him. She could pretend it was some random person, not that a
one night stand high on her to-do list. She didn't want to think of Suzaku.
Schneizel waited too long too move into position. When he ran the flat of his
hand over her ass, she wondered if she were to be spanked. She gripped at the
Egyptian cotton when the first blow hit her right cheek.
This was now the most humiliating moment of her life.
"You continue to amaze me, Sister." He landed several more spanks, this time to
her upper thighs. "Both with your genius, and your stupidity " she hissed when
his hand swung upwards, between her thighs, hitting the most sensitive area of
her body. "But mostly." He pinched her clit, sending her face first into the
bed. Her arms became jello from the contradicting sensation. "Your reaction to
me last night. Murder won't change that."
He gripped her small hips with his large hands, fingers painfully pushing into
her hipbones. There would be bruises. With a snarl, he pulled her head back,
and thrust into her vaginal canal. He didn't hold her steady by her hair, that
would be too kind. Instead he forced her spine to arch with the chains of her
eye patch, the symbol of her captivity. She was on a short leash, and he was
the master.
Their roles were reversed. Lelouch remained silent, controlling her voice when
she couldn't control her body from contracting at her release. Schneizel didn't
hesitate to point this out. He talked the whole time, except his words were
coherent. He called her every name in the book, from classical to slang she had
no idea what it meant. He pointed out every orgasm with smug satisfaction. He
pulled harder at her leash with each one too.
The way it hurt made their union less sinful. She wished she weren't enjoying
herself. That would have made everything ok. She wouldn't feel so vile, or like
the names he was calling her.
"You're dead, Sister. You are dead to the world. No one besides Kanon,
Kururugi, and myself know who you are, or that you are alive. I'm the only one
keeping you alive, Lulu. Without me you wouldn't exist. Think of that next time
you contemplate killing me."
His words caused her to whimper. He had to know. He had to know how similar
they were to the ones spoken by their father eight years ago. Her brother was
off at school, a prestigious prep-school that made even Ashford Academy seem
like public education. That probably was of little consequence. Gossip like
that would last until holiday breaks. A ten year old denying the Emperor was a
conversation starter.
He was just like their father, and not just regarding his physical features.
His words sent shivers through her body. She began to shake, reliving that day,
reliving the anger followed by fear. Except Schneizel didn't punish her through
abandonment. He was worse, even crueler than the one who sired him. She began
to sob with every thrust, the rubbing of her clit just made the emotional pain
worse.
She didn't realize she was crying until he pointed it out. The amethyst at the
base of the patch, the one not attached to a chain swung with the movements. He
pulled harder; to the point that she was certain her spine would break. Still,
she focused on remaining silent. It was her last rebellion, not even a shadow
of The Black Rebellion, even if both endeavors were both failures. She wasn't
even a shadow of the person she used to be. The chance to take Tokyo again
would never happen. It was ironic how precarious of a pedestal she sat on.
There was no protest when he came in her. Lelouch felt herself revert back to
her previous mindset, the one she had before C.C. gave her power. This was just
how things were, and there was no reason to try to change it. No matter how
much she struggled, Schneizel would win. She was powerless against him. Any
attempt at control was the same as a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.
He seemed to sense the change too, pulling away with a different air. The anger
shot out of him with his sperm. "We are all responsible for our own actions. Do
not blame me for yours. I am not blaming you for mine." He mumbled against her
ear, releasing the chain. Lelouch curled on the bed, barely aware that there
were fluids leaking out of her for the second time that day.
She didn't notice that the door was left wide open. Perhaps she wouldn't have
cared either. Lelouch was too busy picking up the pieces of her shattered
identity. She hugged her legs, thankful to be alone. Being alone meant that she
could cry without showing weakness. Then again, she was sobbing moments ago
when her brother raped her. She was already weak, and trying to hide that
wouldn't change facts. Without geass, without the Black Knights, without C.C.
to lean on, she was nothing but a teenage girl. She was a teenage girl up
against the white king.
She couldn't not fight though. The Emperor made her powerless before, and she
rose from the ashes. That wasn't without aid. C.C. and Kallen saved her brought
her back to life from the death that was her life. She was deader at that
moment than she was then. At least at Ashford she could choose her own meals,
her own clothes, and her own schedule. Most importantly, she could choose what
to do with her own body. She whimpered, finally noticing the sticky substance
on her thighs.
Nunnally thought she was dead.
Every action since her revival was made with the goal to unite them again in a
gentler world. She became Zero, the evil that slaughtered evil, so that she
could be with her sister. The most profound, unstable laugh erupted from her
belly, followed by a wail. She was an idiot. Even if Schneizel was protecting
Nunnally, something she had no tangible evidence of, he had no intentions
letting Lelouch see her. Wife was only a flowery title. She was a sex slave,
held captive in that room for one reason. There was no escape. The only way out
was her brother becoming bored with her. So far she was doing a decent job of
being entertaining, whether through making him laugh or becoming enraged.
She must have cried herself to sleep, because when she woke up the food on the
table was different. Lelouch waited, still curled up on the bed, but Schneizel
never visited. After a half an hour she lifted herself off the mattress, legs
unsteady. She was so sore. The shower, the one she should have just taken
earlier, was still calling her name. She passed the tray, not bothering to
acknowledge the contents.
I needed to make you fear me. I need to make Kururugi believe that I am hurting
you.
Both were true. Lelouch ran her shaking fingers over the bruises on her hips
and wrists. The water was scalding hot. She didn't notice. The billions of
water droplets made no effect; she was still so cold. Her body shivered as she
scrubbed herself raw with rose smelling soap. Layers of skin were removed, and
yet the marks remained. They became darker against the reddish-pink tint. She
didn't bother to wrap herself in a towel. Her skin was too sensitive. The soft
fluffy texture felt like rough terry against it.
Suzaku was standing in the living area when she returned. Why? Honestly she
couldn't think of a reason. She also didn't care. She cared less that she was
still naked. He's seen it all before. Besides, she had no dignity left to
preserve. In the back of her mind she noted that the door was ajar. A cruel,
sick joke. He was daring her to try to get past him.
They gazed at each other, his guarded expression threatening to crumble under
her thousand-yard stare.
"Lulu, I -"
"Am I still a small price to pay, Suzaku? Did you come to gloat at how far I
have fallen? Get out."
Some unreadable emotion flashed over his features before it was replaced. At
another time, she would wonder when Suzaku learned to not be so expressive, and
if it was her fault. Of course it was her fault. She pushed him away, and put a
bullet in the woman he loved. The woman he replaced her with died by her order
and her gun. Euphie was the one person she murdered that was an act of
kindness. She put her sister out of her misery. She wouldn't have wanted to
continue to live like that. The geass order was what killed the royal princess,
not the bullet. Lelouch was still at fault, regardless.
Lelouch watched him leave. She never thought the sound of that door slamming
would bring comfort. Maybe it was because it vibrated throughout the room
instead of being a quiet thud. Absently, she wondered what he was going to say.
The look on his face reminded him of when they broke up. His eyes were
sparkling with a hint of insanity. She didn't listen to him then either. Maybe
if she did, things would have ended up differently. It was too late. The light
at the end of the tunnel was gone, except there was no option to turn back. It
was sad, really, since she knew there would be no light if she continued to
march forward either. There was only darkness.
She picked up the sleek sleeveless black dress and stepped into it. The cap
sleeve jacket matched, with gold filigree inspired threads throughout,
reminding her of an Art Deco design. The lack of underwear stopped being a
surprise. C'est la vie.
***** Sir Suzaku Kururugi *****
"You are the incarnation of evil."
That has become my daily mantra. I repeated it in my head as I guarded you, or
rather, guarded others from you. From the evil eye. No. It's not the eye's
fault. V.V. said it is just a tool. You made your own choices. So have I.
I relished in your screams and sobs until they stopped. Then I wish they never
existed in the first place. I wish you never existed. If I could wipe every
evidence of you off the face of the earth, I would. You wouldn't have to suffer
if you never existed. It would be a better place too.
Euphie would still be alive. So many people would still be alive. "You are a
walking funeral." That is a line from the book you suggested I read. The main
character is the harbinger of death. Did you see yourself in him? Were you
trying to call out to me, explain your actions through a misunderstood
character in a book?
I don't want to understand you. I don't want to love you. There are so many
things I do not want, more than the things I  do  want. I suppose those are the
same. "Its just semantics." I can hear your beautiful voice in my head, arguing
with me. I hate you more than life itself.
I want you to die. I want to die - I've wanted that for the past eight years,
as long as I've loved you. Perhaps, in another life, we died together. You
would find that romantic. You always had an odd sense of humor. I'm assuming
you still do by the way you laugh at the most frightening things.
I can't die. You took that from me. I tried tonight, you know. To die.
Everything went blank and I woke up a few moments later with the dagger in its
sheath. It never touched my skin. It was flawless, like yours used to be. It
will be again soon, once the bruises fade.
Your vacant eyes haunt me.
They entered my dreams. I'd rather dream of all the sins you've committed. I
would rather see Euphie die a million times than see those eyes one more time.
I love you (this line is crossed out in the original papers.) I hate you.
I can't sleep. Not eternally and not a short rest. Your eyes haunt me from
beneath my own eyelids. If they close for longer than a blink, I see yours.
They do not sparkle.
Have they ever? I lie on my bed, wondering, when have I ever not seen you
suffering? Perhaps I am sadistic to fall in love with someone like you -
someone who is always in pain. I hoped I could make those dark lavender, closer
to amethyst, eyes sparkle. Now that I think about it... I have. Your eyes lit
up whenever I would hook your hair behind your ear. You always liked the little
things in life, the things that can easily go unnoticed.
I think that is what drew me to you like a fly to a bug zapper. You always
seemed to know everything. The tiniest detail was explainable by your naturally
red lips. I told you they were ugly - I lied. If you couldn't explain
something, you would find a way to. I remember you telling me that you became
fluent in Japanese not so that you could talk to me, but so you could read
books from the library.
I should bring you some books. You would like that.
Maybe that little girl never existed... Maybe you never did. That would make me
happy, to think that I love a ghost, a figment of my imagination. Those sweet,
surreal moments when you smiled, when you caused my heart to melt... They were
some sort of game you played. You used me like a chess piece, and threw me away
when I was no longer useful.
The girl I love never existed. You are the incarnation of evil. I hate you.
I'm becoming like you. When I found out who you were, a part of me found it
funny. I laughed when no one was around. After I sold you to your father, I
laughed. The father you wanted to kill, I gave you to him. I don't regret that.
I do regret having Schneizel happen upon our meeting, and capture you, but I
don't regret that.
Patricide.
That's what made you leave me even though it's a sin you want to commit -
wanted to commit for as long as I've know you. I hate you. You are a hypocrite.
How dare you judge me with your vacant eyes, watching me wherever I go? I did
it for you, you know. I wanted to stop the war for you.
Oh the things we do for the people we love. A love that never even existed to
boot.
I want to kill you. I want to wrap my hands around that swan like neck of yours
and watch you beg for air out of those beautiful red lips. I wouldn't get that
far. If I got too close to you, I would kiss them. You could rule the world
with your beauty. You don't need anything magical. Your touch is magic in
itself.
Magic now owned by your brother.
I can't tell who I hate more: me, you, or him. I've sworn my loyalty to that
man, and yet when I slammed the door to your well-furnished cell; I would have
killed him in cold blood. I would have enjoyed it. I wonder who I would enjoy
killing more: you, him, or myself. I am not a Knight of Honor. I am a Nora (you
always loved Norigami), a weapon of many masters. First you, then your sister,
then your father, and now your brother. At least I do not have to wear their
names on my skin.
I wouldn't have minded Euphie's brand. At least then she would be a part of me.
She was the opposite of you. Most people are attracted to a type. They date
woman all of the same category. If I had one it would be her, and not you. I
hate you. You are the incarnation of evil. She was everything that was good...
That is, until you made her evil. You made her kill thousands of innocent
people.
You asked me if you "are still a small price to pay?" The answer is yes. How
can one person, one  evil  person out measure a whole country? Your suffering
gives me the power to end the suffering of the Japanese.
You deserve your suffering. You are destined for hell, so why not start now?
You reap what you sow and all that nonsense. You are incarnation of evil. You
are one person, fated to suffer to bring happiness to the world. I am not God.
I cannot change that. I can, however, save my country by ignoring your pleas.
By ignoring your vacant eyes. By telling myself I hate you instead of loving
you. The line is so thin anyway- what difference does it make? It makes no
difference. You make no difference.
That's the easy answer, anyway.
The truth is much more complicated than that.
I hate complicated things.
That was always your thing.
An excerpt from the journal of Sir Suzaku Kururugi, dated July 28th, 2018. At
this time, his Majesty Emperor Charles Zi Britannia, 98th Emperor of the Holy
Britannian Empire, publicly knew the teenager as the Knight of Seven. This
piece was found separate from the rest of Kururugi's journals. It was written
in Japanese, his native tongue, on a sheet of paper containing the Ashford
Academy letterhead.
That paper was found years later, tucked behind a photo in his club photo
album, when a graduate student was cleaning through the Tokyo museum artifacts.
Sir Kururugi left most of his personal effects without bequeath. He had no
heirs that we know of. None were mentioned in his will. The Knight of the
Rounds did not leave a will.
Despite the incoherent ramblings, this document is one of the few pieces of
evidence that the succession of Schneizel El Britannia was actually a coup d'é
tat. Hidden within the words is mention that he was sworn to four members of
the Royal Family. Conventional records state that Kururugi was only a Knight of
Honor to Princess Euphemia Li Britannia, who died during her attempted
genocide, prior to becoming the Knight of Seven.
Due to the illiterate nature of this piece, and the questionable way that it
was procured; it is often seen as forgery. The added person also discredits the
arguments of Dr. Daniel Jackson. If you not familiar with his works, don't feel
uneducated. The man also used this entry as evidence to support his geass
theory.
He believed that the actions of the Princess were due to some magical power
that Zero, a rebel leader who died suddenly, possessed. Dr. Jackson theorized
that a woman who named a Honary Britannian (see page 674 for more information.)
As her Knight would not issue an order to "kill all the Japanese."
But I digress. I leave this except here, not as evidence to a conspiracy
theory, but to illustrate the hidden turmoil of Sir Kururugi. Since there is no
good location to place it within this biography (without jeopardizing
historical accuracy), I include it in my intro.
Now, without further rambling of an old history professor, I, Alexander
Cardemonde, leave you with my last work before retirement.
The Biography of Sir Suzaku Kururugi: Only Son of the Last Prime Minister of
Japan and Knight of One.
***** Humans are Fragile Creatures *****
Pragmatism was, apparently, boring to the white king.
Schneizel waited until the next day to visit her after his assault. The person
who greeted him was only a shadow of the young woman he enjoyed prior to the
event. Lelouch was never the most emotional person, at least, outside of
traumatic situations. Her reserved, stoic nature still lived within the creases
of the pages. She was able to maintain composure. The teenager now had no
repose to maintain. That statement suggested that she was holding her emotions
back. She didn't believe emotions existed at that time. There was no practical
reason to be angry with him. What would that anger bring her? Nothing. Perhaps
more physical pain, something she would prefer not to experience again.
He ate his meal and promptly left, returning the next morning only to commit
incest. That was the only thing he came for, and on a schedule: Morning and
Night. Like a daily medication, he fucked her. Sometimes he would eat first, or
play chess, but the end result was always the same. After she pointed this
detail out, he stopped trying to seduce her. Sometimes he just wanted to sleep,
which was odd considering he had his own bed for that.
Her comment that he was "missing a few doses," was met with rage. She didn't
flinch, which seemed to make him more upset. He wasn't attempting to hit her.
It made no difference. Lelouch didn't care. His lack of enthusiasm was
preferable. He was just maintaining appearances, as if anyone would care. She
could tell his heart wasn't into it when he stopped coaxing. What difference
did it make? He shouldn't visit her if he didn't want to do so. She didn't want
his company. There was no reason for him to go out of his way.
Possibly he continued to visit because she divulged all her theories. There was
no reason to keep her knowledge of geass a secret. Her decision to keep that
knowledge hidden was emotional, based on her limited interpretation of reality.
The true reality was it was in her best interest to answer his questions. Their
goal was the same: to be rid of the Emperor.
He paced the room when Lelouch told him their father was immortal. She
understood that the explanation made no logical sense. He didn't want to
believe it; she didn't either. That was thinking of the problem, not the
solution. They needed to work with what was available to them. Waiting for him
to give geass to someone, and have that person evolve to the point where the
man could die was off the table. She didn't know why it was even mentioned. The
geass order was, to the best of her knowledge, destroyed. The Black Knights
slaughtered them all to atone for Shirely's death. The only persons remaining
were herself and Rolo, who were worthless.
She knew for experience that their father wouldn't die from a bullet to the
heart. He wouldn't die from her power. Schneizel frowned at the very mention of
the eye that lived behind her patch. That frown became more pronounced when she
fumbling through explaining C's world in a systematic manner. She was certain
it made no sense to someone who did not live through those events. Random
accumulated events, that's what she was living. Maybe she should have taken
C.C.'s code. Then she could have killed the Emperor. He wasn't fond of the
observation that it would have prevented her current situation also.
After a while, he stopped wanting to talk about it, and just play chess in
silence. She didn't protest. The quiet lasted only a day.
"Do you think his head would grow back if it were chopped off?" Schneizel
asked, moving his bishop three spaces.
"Yes."
His eyes were locked on the chessboard. He was two moves ahead like always.
Well, not always. She won a few matches. It brought no satisfaction, not like
how Schneizel thought she should feel. Victory meant nothing if it didn't
change her surroundings. It was just a stupid game with no real world value.
Maybe she went a step past pragmatism and crossed the boarder to apathy.
Regardless, the chess match remained the same. Philosophizing on about
intentions was merely a way to kill time when she wasn't reading or being
fucked.
She already finished the new stack of books that Kanon brought earlier in the
week. Her brother was more perceptive than she gave him credit. He knew all her
favorite titles and could guess what books she was waiting to have time to pick
up. The Earl functioned as her library, returning books to the counter as she
finished them. It was easier than trying to catch him when he snuck into the
room. The day before one showed up randomly. 'The Prince of Thorns' was a story
about a prince who witnesses the death of his mother and brother. As a result,
the main character goes on a bloodthirsty rampage, venting his rage, intent on
destroying the world in order to become king. It reminded her of Suzaku. That
seemed like something that jackass would give her. Thankfully, there was no
smut. She had enough of that already in real life.
"Would you stop being like this if I gave you his head on a platter? Even if it
doesn't kill him..."
"I don't know. I can't tell the future."
Her brother sighed, running his hand through his thick hair. Thick like the
rest of him, God was unoriginal in his creation. He muttered under his breath.
The less expressive Lelouch became, the more he opened up. She wondered if he
were really naïve enough to think such a tactic would work on her. The thought
that, perhaps, he was being genuine never crossed her mind.
"I'm not going to apologize for what I did to you." He said, reaching for her
hand.
He ran his thumb over her wrist. The evidence of his transgression were finally
faded. The wounds he nurtured lived on in his mind, and not the physical plane.
Her hip bruises faded too. When she was naked he would stroke those. This
action was mostly limited to after he thought she was already asleep, however.
He seemed surprised that she didn't flinch or pull away. She never did anymore.
Her actions (or lack there of) shouldn't come as a shock. If nothing else,
Lelouch was becoming predictable.
"I don't expect you to."
She could tell her monotone responses were grating on her nerves.
"I don't mind dying, but only for something meaningful. Maybe with a FLEIJA
against you in a grand battle for control of the world. Not with a cufflink and
not because you are ashamed."
"You certainly have a way with words, Brother. Especially since you killed me
via a faulty energy filler." She turned her head away when he brushed his lips
against her wrist, remembering their first sinful night together. He hadn't
kissed her there since. "I'm on my period." Thank God, it wasn't a lie.
"There's always next month."
He was deranged.
Between the forced removal of her IUD, and his nonverbal insistence on not
pulling out, it was evident that he was trying to get her pregnant. She noticed
a change in her hair and nails too. Keeping them short was more effort than
before. Well, keeping her nails short required more effort. Schneizel voiced
that he would like to see her hair grow out. It was shinier than before. All
the light from her eyes was transferred to those raven strands. He was putting
liquid prenatal vitamins in her drinks. If she wasn't certain before, she
surely was when he corrected, "this one is yours," at lunch.
There was something seriously wrong with him.
"I'm not having your child."
The small circles he was drawing over her pulse ceased. Schneizel looked like
he wanted to argue. His eyebrows furrowed a fraction, and he sucked in more air
through his nostrils than usual. Lelouch thought about pulling away. It made no
difference. She meant what she said. What he wanted just wasn't right.
"Why?"
That was not the response she expected. Was he serious? His tone changed from
the questionably dejected one from before. The statement seemed to amuse him.
Of course it did, considering she wouldn't be given a choice in the matter. He
certainly found the firmness of her answer entertaining. She felt a tinge of
emotion, the first in almost a week, at his slightly upturned lip.
"Because I'm your fucking sister."
He chuckled, and pulled her arm, causing her to land on his lap. "Indeed you
are. My fucking sister."
I should have seen that coming.
She didn't voice those thoughts, knowing full well what his response would be.
He reached under her skirt, drawing larger circles on her thigh, changing
direction when his hand brushed her knee. She repeated her refusal. His reply
that "Kanon already told me," didn't disturb her as much as it should have. Her
brother's assistant appeared to know everything, in addition to being
Schneizel's everything man. Let him take a load off for her.
These sexual innuendos were getting ridiculous. She never used to think like
this before her captivity. Then again, it was because that was her sole purpose
in life now. Lelouch was reduced to breeding stock. The tinge of emotion turned
into a spark. She grabbed his wrist, stilling his hand as it brushed up against
her boy short panties.
"That's not what I meant. I'm your sister. I can't have your child."
"Half-sister," he corrected.
Her glare made him laugh again. He was mocking her. He was mocking her over
something that made perfect sense. Why was it so damn funny? Her attempt to get
off his lap was foiled by large arms wrapping around her waist. It wasn't a
request, and yet he had the power to deny. She hated him. She hated him more
than the easy access her loose fitting empire waist dress provided.
He caressed her stomach, obviously imagining it no longer lean. "Neither of us
have any recessive genes that would cause abnormalities. The blood work came
back compatible. Our children won't be any worse for wear. In fact." He paused,
leaving a trail of kisses up her neck to speak into her ear. His breath
tickled. He knew all her weaknesses. "I'd say our kinship is an advantage, my
fucking sister."
"I hate you."
"That won't keep you from being an excellent mother."
Now it was her turn to laugh, except the emotion behind it was the opposite of
his. Schneizel laughed because he enjoyed it. She laughed because of the cruel
irony of things. Then again, Marianne Vi Britannia, her mother, was amazing.
She was an excellent mother despite, or maybe because of, her fierce
reputation. The woman would kill for her or Nunnally. Before she was murdered,
that is.
"Schneizel." She reprimanded.
He kissed her. Lelouch was shocked that it was only a peck. The only times he
ever locked lips was when it was indeed locking lips. Long sessions of tongues
dueling before and during sex when he would coax her to respond. Not like this.
"At least two. I always wanted a full blooded sibling."
That sent her over the edge. How dare he say that when he kept her from her own
sister? Nunnally believed her dead because of him. Lelouch's palm hit his face
without forethought. She was so angry, she couldn't think. The loud slap echoed
throughout the efficiency apartment. Her heart rate and breathing quickened at
the mistake.
"You hit me." He stated the obvious, jaw tense. His hand stopped rubbing her
belly. "Why?"
She closed her eyes, bringing her shaking hand down. "Nunnally." That one word
said it all.
He sighed.
"I'll do what I can."
"You claim to be at the climax of when you can hold the world in the palm of
your hands with Damocles, and yet you can't figure out how I can see my little
sister? You choose not to, Schneizel."
She could attempt to be apathetic towards anything sans Nunnally. Nunnally was
her everything, but not like how Kanon played that role for her brother.
Schneizel wiped away the single tear that trailed from underneath her eye path
once it became visible. Putting his cheek on top of her head he murmured,
"Soon." The last time he fulfilled that promise to her, she tried to kill him.
===============================================================================
The move to Damocles felt rushed and forced to Lelouch. Much like a caged
animal, the transfer to a different territory was met with trepidation. She
never agreed with that chapter of 'The Life of Pi' until that moment. The
realization that the confined space was thought of as a home made her feel
sick. She had nowhere else to call home though. Coping mechanisms had to be put
in place to preserve what was left of her sanity. She would go insane if she
thought of the reality of her situation. Pragmatism certainly was the wrong
word to describe her mindset. That went against the basic tenants of that
viewpoint.
The instability of her mind went beyond a school of philosophy.
Her new room was even more grandeur than the apartment on the Avalon. The 3000m
Flying Fortress had amble space, and yet having a whole level dedicated to
herself seemed excessive. She was still a caged animal, just with an upgraded
prison. Never would she forget that again, even if that prison became her home
due to prolonged exposure. She couldn't let herself get comfortable.
Suzaku left the moment she walked off the elevator. He didn't even bother to
leave the box himself. The solid metal doors shut so fast; he had to be pushing
the button with facing arrows before her ballerina flat wearing feet were fully
out of the space. If it weren't for the sensors, he would have crushed her with
steel. He undoubtedly would have liked that.
She glanced at the control pad before turning away. It didn't matter if she
could get out or not. There was nowhere to go. She escaped her apartment on the
Avalon multiple times a day with no avail. It was better to be a pet than alone
on the streets with nothing but the clothes on her back. If such a thing as a
real escape, not just the ability to open the door, was possible in the first
place.
How such a garden could exist completely indoors was a mystery. Theoretically
it was possible, but so was catching rabbits in a hole made with a stick [1].
She forced the association of the overwhelming smell of roses, with the rose
soap she used to rub herself raw out of her mind. This place couldn't be ruined
by such flashbacks. It might be a prison, but it was marvelous. Her only point
of contention was that all the roses were white.
I should paint them red.
She laughed at the thought, a sound of insanity that did not chime, and began
to hum the Alice in Wonderland tune. The garden reminded her of the queen of
hearts actually. It was better to be reminded of that than the Aires Villa.
Both were chock-full of topiaries, however, her childhood home wasn't covered
in white roses. They were as similar as her eye patch was to her Zero helmet:
enough to cause a stir that didn't linger. The layout brought sense of
nostalgia that made the space comforting without stifling her. It was made for
her. That probably wasn't true. It just felt that way. She didn't need to stop
to smell the roses, and walked down the pebbled path towards the intricately
framed French doors.
Everything was ornate. From the door handles to the bedposts, the amount of
detail was exquisite. Her new cage was nothing like the modern, trendy style of
the last one. It was whimsical, a hybrid between Victorian and Arthurian
architecture because it was unlikely such things existed in the Middle Ages.
Although, she wasn't thinking of Royalty when she made that assessment. The
Pendragon of that time might have looked like this.
There was no reason to be surprised to find the armoire filled with clothing.
That was the furniture's function. Still, something so simple as to be able to
pick out her own clothing seemed profound. They weren't going to be left on the
counter by Kanon anymore. She opened the other side to see a stark contrast to
the left. Crisp white shirts and slacks contrasted her black floor length
dresses. The only similarity was the purple; it was the same shade for both her
and Schneizel.
She dug through the drawers of the matching dresser, finding the usual staples.
The one neighboring her brother's underwear drawer contained velvet slots of
equally intricate necklaces and bracelets. Strangely, it seemed more
predictable than to find her own underwear there. Some thing would still need
to be requested. Kanon was going to have more knowledge of Lelouch's monthly
cycle than her gynecologist.
What shocked her more than the availability of clothes itself were the neatly
folded layers in the bottom shelf. She stared down at the golden khaki blazer
and black skirt with wide eyes. Her hands shook as she gingerly lifted the
green tie. The broach with the school emblem was missing (Schneizel seemed to
learn his lesson with small points). It didn't matter. It was still her Ashford
Academy uniform.
That felt like so long ago. Lelouch was skilled at picking up personas. She had
many faces; Lelouch Vi Britannia, who officially died eight years ago. Zero
died last month. Lelouch Lamperouge was in hiding, locked away. Funny, she
thought that person was dead too, with just the shell remaining. Seeing her
uniform brought her back to life. It seemed dreamlike.
She never undressed so quickly in her life. This was probably because Schneizel
preferred her to wear things that are easy to remove. Her outfits were built
around a long sleeveless dress, with usually only one accompaniment, a jacket
of varying textiles. It was nothing like her uniform, which had so many parts.
Lelouch felt like a child counting them out. There were two thigh high socks.
One, two. One skirt. One cami top. One dress-shirt. One blazer. One tie. Seven.
Seven items - Ah-ha-ha. She should not be imitating The Count from Sesame
Street. The last time she watched that show Nunnally wasn't even born yet.
Her brother's deranged persona was contagious in some way. It made no sense,
but neither did any other explanation. She closed her eyes, and fought the urge
to count each button as she looped them. Her hands seemed to move in slow
motion. It was the little things in life. How many times had she put on this
uniform in haste, cursing the cumbersome nature of it? Now she savored it, and
the scratchy mass-produced silk tie. It was so different than the silk ascot
she wore as Zero, or the one that Schneizel wears.
She avoided looking in the mirror as she continued to explore the living space.
If she looked at herself, she would see the eye patch glaring back. Just for
one day, she wanted to pretend it wasn't there. That wasn't too much to ask,
not really. She wanted to make believe that she was on a school trip with the
student council. Milly, Rivalz, Shirley, Nina, Kallen, and even Suzaku were
going to run through the door in any moment with Pizza Hut and cheap alcohol,
not expensive scotch or wine. It would be something marketed towards teenagers,
and taste terrible. You get what you pay for. They would drink it anyway,
laughing about the disgusted face that Shirley makes with each shot. Nina would
hide in the corner logging her scientific experiments by memory.
She would call Nunnally before she got too intoxicated that way her sister
wouldn't worry about her under aged drinking. Milly was still the only one old
enough to drink; gambling was bad enough. If only she knew all the illegal
activities that Lelouch participated in, and organized.
Her fantasy didn't last nearly long enough. It would never have satisfied her
because it wasn't reality. Playing pretend wouldn't change anything. The hands
that grabbed onto her hips seemed wrong, regardless. Reality left a sour taste
in her mouth and an ache in her heart. She would rather be apathetic. She would
rather live in a fantasy world.
Schneizel pressed against her back, biting at her ear. The exposed air was
never this noticeable in long skirts. She whimpered when he mumbled that he
never found "commoner activities so attractive." That's right, she was checking
the cabinets for the off chance that the cherry stained woodwork was more than
just decorative. Her urge to prepare food had nothing to do with hunger. She
missed cooking. When she first found love during her exile, in the Kururugi
storehouse, she found it oddly comforting. Chess was a way to stimulate her
mind, and cooking allowed her to zone out.
"Brother. Stop."
His hands were sullying her uniform. She didn't want him to taint it with his
touch. It symbolized too much, and was too precious. It reminded her that she
was still Lelouch Lamperouge, the mundane identity she cherished. When it was
her only existence, it was boring, and a living death. Becoming Zero made it
precious. Having somewhere to come home to, a real home, with friends and
family that loved her was a precious thing. When it was all said and done, she
wanted to return to Ashford Academy with her friend, Kallen. The honor guard
deserved somewhere to call home.
"No."
His voice was light and heavy at the same time. It was heavy with desire, and
light because she, apparently, was fun again. He liked it when she denied him.
She remembered his wording when she last wore this uniform, when he first
captured her. He called her an opponent. It was just another game he wanted to
win. It was all a game with Schneizel.
She pushed his hands away when they reached under her short skirt. Her
arguments fell on deaf ears. He was more than happy to point out the she did
indeed want to have sex with vulgar words that she heard before. She didn't
want to hear that she "was dripping wet" in her school uniform. He wouldn't
allow her to change either.
"I like you dressed in this. That's why I saved it. You have no idea how hard
it was to stop the day Kururugi brought you to me." He moaned, pinning her up
against the counter.
Her wrists were once against held down. He didn't push in her pressure point.
Schneizel didn't need to hurt her physically any longer to acquire submission.
Her body quaked as his stroked her clit and found that spot. The scream was
worse than the first time he pried it from her unwilling throat. That time it
was muffled, and only Suzaku was watching. She felt the eyes of her classmates
judging her sins even if they weren't present. He held her up with his
intrusive hand when she couldn't stand. When he coaxed, he could force her into
any position, even limp.
She hated him. He was taking everything from her. It wasn't satisfactory to
merely rob her of her body; he wanted to rob her of her mind as well. Not even
her fantasies were safe. He would break through that wall. Her brother wouldn't
be satisfied until she was completely broken. He was crueler than the one who
sired him.
"Please."
"I know."
He lifted her to the countertop, spreading her legs. She observed that the
height was perfectly placed to his hips, and everything to made sense. Lelouch
always wondered why there were kitchens when someone else always prepared their
meals. Her penitentiary was built for his body. The fact that it resembled an
apartment was a fetish.
She gripped his hair and nuzzled her face into his neck. The collar of his coat
cupped the back of her head. This was the first time they had sex with clothes
on. For some reason that felt more intimate than being naked. She wanted to
remove his jacket and robes because they denoted who he was, just like her
school uniform did for her. She was never so vulnerable as that moment. Even
tied to the chair, she had more self-respect.
At least then she wasn't seeking comfort from her tormentor.
She cried when she came. The pulsating of his penis sent shivers throughout her
whole body. She could feel the astonishment radiating off his body when she
didn't push him off right away. Hot tears burned her face, comprised of every
negative emotion she felt since her captivity and prior. Her hatred for him,
for herself, even for her father sounded with each sob. Lelouch's frame
convulsed and jerked as everything she once was, and could ever be faded away.
She couldn't go back to the past, and had no control of the future. All that
existed was the present moment.
The thousand-yard stare was different than the vacant eyes that were
characteristic of her recently. Before her cup was just empty of all happiness.
At that moment it was just empty of all contents. She didn't know if that was
better or worse. It depended on what the future brought. What is the future? A
wry smile tugged at her lips. Whatever it was, it wasn't her concern any
longer.
***** Denial and a Dissociative Disorder *****
Living with Schneizel, rather than just receiving scheduled visits, in addition
to Lelouch's mental breakdown brought about an unprecedented change in their
relationship. It was normal, or as normal as could be, given the situation. Her
brother became doting. His touch was different. He seemed to always be touching
her, and strangely she didn't mind as much as she should have. More often than
not, these touches looked to be innocent gestures, like anything could be
innocent with him. They were innocent comparatively.
When she lounged on the couch reading, he would walk over and lift her head to
his lap. He would comb through her shiny hair with his fingers. Those fingers
would trail down her neck, and stop at her collarbone. He would pause, waiting
for permission to travel farther. If she didn't arch into his touch, he would
turn back. Her hair would be the center of his attention, and he would be
content with that. He would absently stroke it until she either fell asleep, or
got up.
This only happened occasionally. The daily medication she scorned, would have
done anything to be rid of, became an addiction. Her brother could make it so
the only thing that existed was his touch. Everything else faded away during
those moments. The only thing that existed was the two of them. She even forgot
that she was in a gilded cage, and that she hated him. He would squeeze her
breasts, often times to the point that bordered pain, but she would ask for it,
guiding his hands back to them when they wandered. That was probably why her
chest was sore and swollen. He had a tight grip.
Unlike on the Avalon, groceries appeared rather than already prepared food
after the first episode. Lelouch blinked at the stack of cookbooks in addition
to cookery utensils. The correlation between the arrival and her brother's
comment regarding commoner activities being attractive was not lost on her.
When she was in the kitchen he would wrap his arms around her waist, bending
over to rest his chin on the top of her head. His fingers would brush against
her stomach until she swatted them away. Ever since their conversation, when
his desire to get her pregnant was finally voiced, she became annoyed when he
touched her there. It was like he was willing his seed to take root with his
gentle strokes.
Schneizel seemed to be doing his best to make her current cage unlike the last.
Not only were the decorations completely different, so was her treatment. She
hated him. Or rather, she should hate him. There was always an ulterior motive
with him. She needed there to be some malicious reason for his care. That was
why he was kind when he hurt her physically. He gave her back her school
uniform so he could ruin it, and ruin her. He got her hopes up so he could
crush them. He played with her like a yo-yo. She shouldn't take any of his
actions at face value. She should continue to loathe him.
She realized the happy picture he painted was an attempt to void off her
episodes. Fits where her lackluster eyes would shine with emotion. As much as
her lack of emotion grated on him previously, the manifestation of it seemed to
trouble him. It was the only time he refused to touch her. He would stand
watch, running his hands through his blond hair until she calmed down. The one
time he tried to touch her, she shrieked so loud he needed to cover her ears.
It didn't stop for twenty minutes. She didn't remember. There was a high
probability he was lying about this. It would explain why she lost her voice
though.
Her proverbial cup was either empty or overflowing. There was no in moderation
in contents. There was a chance that it wasn't truly empty. A sticky dark
residue clung to the sides and bottom that was never visible before. Despite,
or because of, the lack of other contents, the substance was overpowering. Not
matter how hard he tried too fill it back up with orchestrated happiness, the
fits would come back, and the cup would empty again. It was cracked, and there
was no way he could fix it.
It was too much. Schneizel was smothering her in the apartment. The only place
she could be free from him was in the garden. It was sacred ground. He would
not disturb her there. Out of curiosity, she stayed out there all day, laying
on the cast iron bench painted white, reading. He didn't beckon her, even after
she missed lunch and dinner. The only thing he did was put a down cushion on
it. There was no rain; the feathers wouldn't get ruined. It was marvelous.
Her fits never came when she was among the fountains and flowers, at least she
didn't think so. It was just hearsay, she couldn't trust Schneizel as far as
she could throw him. This, obviously, meant that she couldn't trust him at all.
Lelouch wouldn't even be able to lift him off the ground. There was no reason
for him to care either. He wanted to destroy her mind. If she were really crazy
she would know. That awareness broke through her denial later that day when she
found scratch marks in the ground, with dirt under her nails.
She ran back the apartment, and washed her hands, fearing her brother would see
and take the garden away too. The evidence needed to be washed away as soon as
possible. He came up behind her and kissed the back of her neck. She was
shaking and speaking incoherently, her eyes were wide with madness, another fit
was threatening to take over, or maybe it was the same one. She was in the eye
of the storm. It was like a panic attack, except the onset was random and she
didn't feel like she was drowning. Most importantly, the few times she had
panic attacks previously, her senses became over stimulated. She could feel
everything, and every negative result of her plans became conspicuously clear.
Her careful calculations meant nothing when the numbers were skewed due to
heightened anxiety. That's why she went to Suzaku to save Nunnally; the
conclusions she came to during her panic after seeing the Emperor made her
freak.
This was the opposite. Lelouch couldn't feel anything. She didn't know what was
going on.
Her senses dulled, and yet everything was so vibrant. The bathroom was nothing
more than a mass of shapes that she couldn't name. The raven facet shined like
her hair. The water flowing out of it shimmered so pretty. It captivated her,
holding her steady in a way that only her brother could. It was like she was
seeing them for the first time; she didn't know what they were. Shapes and
movement. Yet, there was stillness in that movement. The flow of the liquid was
consistent. It reminded her of a spinning top. Then again, she couldn't
remember what these things were. Those observations were made in hindsight. She
pulled her hands away, feeling she would be drawn in too deep if she continued
to stare.
Lelouch's body became impossibly light, like she was floating, being pulled
upward and to the left. The only things keeping her on the ground were her
breasts that continued to be sore and heavy. Without that ache, she was certain
she would float away to another realm. Her body would lie limp on the ground,
and not like the limpness after Schneizel caused her body to quake. It would be
a shedding of skin. She wasn't certain if that was beautiful or frightening.
Humans are always afraid of the unknown more than the known. Then the
trajectories of events were imaginary. Nothing was more terrifying than what
lived in the corners of the mind.
The words spilling from her red lips made no sense. She tried speaking Japanese
to see if that would help; it didn't. Schneizel didn't seem to know what she
was saying, but neither did she. Maybe she wasn't speaking Japanese. She
certainly wasn't speaking English. Her distorted vision got smaller, if that
makes any sense. The room was all that existed, and the fabric of reality was
shrinking around her. She clawed at her eye patch that could never be removed.
Her mind was screaming that it made no difference. It wasn't her vision that
was a stumbling block. Her cognation was causing the colors, shapes, and sounds
to be incomprehensible. Funny, she could understand the words in her head and
not outside of it.
Lelouch couldn't remember where she was anymore or why. The details of her own
identity were out of reach too. All she knew was that she was dying. She didn't
want to die, that would be too tragic. Was not knowing who you were the same as
death? What happened to the 'her' from before? She didn't know what was going
on where she was, who she was, or whom she was with. All she knew was that her
body tingled like when a limb fell asleep. That sensation was everywhere. At
least the voices in her head were gone. Still, she couldn't stop shaking. She
was being disassembled. It was frightening and peaceful at the same time. It
would be peaceful if she weren't alone.
He backed away, running his fingers through his hair, his face distorted with
worry. She whined, chasing after him. She didn't want to be alone. She needed
to be touched. When it became evident that his presence wouldn't make it worse,
he held her, filling up a bath. He stripped them both down and helped her into
the warm water. She curled up in the fetal position, hugging her knees to her
sore chest, vaguely acknowledging anything other his fingers rubbing the
psychosis out of her, like a muscle knot. He massaged her neck with one hand,
and her calves with the other. They were the only parts he could access. He
cooed into her ear, telling her it would be ok. At least, that's what she
thought he was saying. His words made even less sense than her own. Her
trembling slowed down at his humming and hands.
Schneizel didn't take the garden away. The only thing that changed was that he
started working from his home office, rather than leaving. He scheduled his
meeting for when she was asleep. Kanon, who previously was a ghost, stayed
around when dropping off books, groceries, or other necessities. He would chat
with her brother and sometimes her. He told her of Nina' s experiments,
offering to tell the teenager of Lelouch's survival. Maybe if she explained
what happened with Euphemia, they could be friends again. She didn't ask him to
expound on the meaning of his suggestion. There was no way he could know it was
all a mistake, that she was walking through a tunnel hoping the end was closer
than the beginning. No one knew that besides C.C. She would never tell that to
anyone other than the witch. No one could sympathize with her despair, and she
didn't deserve it either. It was her cross to bear.
He didn't suggest she talk to Suzaku. Her ex was mysteriously absent. It was
probably because she made no attempt to escape from her cage. Since the day she
entered the prison, she never wandered near the exit. Her ballerina flats only
touched the tile at the end of the pebbled path on arrival. His additions to
her library ceased to come also. He gave up on her.
Outside of her fits, Lelouch was perfectly functioning. Her brainpower remained
prodigal. She was evenly matched with Schneizel in chess. His constant two move
advantage was gone. Now it was anybody's game, with the victories split
practically 50/50. It was as if she were a ying yang. The drunker she got on
insanity, the more sober she was outside of her episodes. It might be the
reverse. Sometimes she felt completely sober, more than ever, when she was
incoherent to the world. She never travelled to the dots. The ones that would
bring equilibrium were out of reach.
Lelouch continued to hide in the garden even though the air was beginning to
become too profuse. She would cover her nose when the scent of roses became
overwhelming. Whenever Lelouch thought she was accustomed to it, the smell
would get stronger, sometimes to the point of being nauseatingly sweet. She
lied and said that was what brought her back into the living space. It wasn't
that she desired his touch outside of her fits.
The sickness of her mind was doing strange things to her body, making a
pressure in her lower abdomen that only went away with sex, and only for a
little while. It made perfect sense. The reason she wanted his touch. It wasn't
because her rational mind wanted it. The thought that she was pregnant was too
far fetched. She couldn't be pregnant. She was just insane. The truth that the
two were not mutually exclusive was irrelevant. It was too soon.
People tried for months, or years, to have a baby with no results. It was too
soon. She couldn't be that unlucky. Schneizel would think he was lucky. The
amount of times they fucked made no difference, medically speaking. There were
at least a dozen other explanations. She theorized them when she wasn't
reading, playing chess, having sex, or absent from the world through her
hysterics. There wasn't much else to do outside of those activities. Possibly
it was that limitation that was driving her batty. She just needed something to
do.
That was what she told C.C. another lifetime ago. She lied and said she became
Zero because "it gave her something to do." Maybe she should ask Kanon for some
art supplies. If she couldn't create a new world in the three-dimensional
plane, she might as well do so on a two dimensional one. She thought about
using Schneizel's computer to peek outside the bars of her cage. The passcode
would be easy to crack. That thought didn't linger. She didn't want news from
outside her penitentiary. It would ruin the serene wonderland that her brother
created. Ignorance was bliss.
She laughed, clutching at the rose in her hand, unaware of the thorns was
breaking her skin. The stinging sensation couldn't break her hysterics. That
barrier was much thicker than an external organ. It was filled with alternating
pitches that were not at all melodious. Her laughs sent her brother into a cold
sweat, unlike the one time he heard her giggle during sex.
The rose was red. Lelouch's smile was serene like her surroundings as she
stroked the soft petals. I'm afraid of you. Schneizel's words rang in her ears.
There was no reason to fear her. She was helpless, docile, and abating. She
wasn't violent during her fits; she would curl up into a ball. Outside of them
she was extremely pleasant and tranquil.
"Lulu. Dearest Sister."
His voice was pained, as If were the one that was bleeding. Schneizel knelt
down next to her and took her small hand in his larger one. It was small, and
long, a pianist's hand. It could also be describe as lanky. Her hands were
lanky like the rest of her. God was unoriginal in her creation. She flinched as
the pungent witch hazel assaults her nose and her skin. Schneizel carried a
ghost smile as he cleaned her wounds. He found it funny that the thorns didn't
bother her, but the cleaning agent did. The bandages were as soft as his
hesitant touch.
The Prince of Thorns. She hated Suzaku for bringing her that book. Not even
four chapters were read before it was hurled at the wall. That's what he
thought of her: a monster. He thought she was the incarnation of evil. What did
he know? She knew it was him, and not Kanon, who put it on the couch. Kanon
used to leave books on the dinette. Suzaku stopped leaving her books once she
moved to the Democles.
Her brother's feather light touch on her cheek brought Lelouch back to reality.
It reminded her of the day they met again. Was it really only a few months ago?
Time seemed to stop. She was living in an accumulation of 'nows.' The physics
and philosophy books she enjoyed lately only backed up that theory. The past
and future exist only in the mind. Reality is the present moment.
She moved closer to him, vaguely aware that she should be pulling away. That
wasn't what she wanted. That might be what she should do, but it wasn't what
she desired. Her face was so close to his that she could feel his hot breath
tickling her nose. Her lips brushed his, holding him in an almost kiss as she
combed her fingers through his thick hair like he did for her. He closed his
eyes.
"I feel the same for you." She whispered, bridging the millimeter gap between
their lips. The reference was not lost on him.
He sucked in air through his nostrils as she deepened the kiss. His mouth
tasted sweet, like roses, or maybe the smell was so strong she was beginning to
taste it. He moaned when she sucked on his lower lip. Just because Lelouch
never initiated, or acted on any of his weaknesses didn't mean she ha no idea
what they were. She fumbled with the buckles of his pants, swatting his hands
away when he attempted to assist.
She didn't bother to lead up to the act. At another time she would stroke him,
draw pleas out of his lips. When she wasn't selfish she would do more than
bunch her skirt up around her hips and ride him. Schneizel had to keep his
hands planted on the soft grass to maintain his balance. He couldn't touch her.
She liked that. It gave her control, something she forgot could exist with him.
The pure, serene environment of the garden was sullied with their union, and
not just because they were clothed. Lelouch relished his amethyst robes; they
matched the gemstones on her eye patch, and the lace on her jacket. He was the
White King, and for the first time in an excessively long time, she felt like
the Black one. The contrast in their clothing only heightened that sense of
awareness.
She pushed down his jacket, finding the way it cupped the back of her head
annoying. He must have just gotten back from a meeting since he usually only
wore a dress shirt and slacks at home. It bunched at his wrists, like ties. He
moaned as she sucked at the sensitive spot behind his ear that she loved. He
loved it too apparently. They had more in common than kinship, or the color
purple apparently.
Maybe it was the lack of foreplay that made their union over too soon. She
whined when his shaft pulsated within her, grinding down on him to force her
own orgasm. She was greedy; it wasn't her first one. She supposed that was
another thing that left him at a disadvantage.
"My God, Lulu."
Hearing her name from his lips didn't bother her. She asked him to repeat it
again, and again. It was so sweet. He pushed forward, releasing his arms from
the binding of his jacket. Schneizel hooked a loc of her hair; now almost
shoulder length, behind her ear. Her eyes sparkled. She always found that
gesture the most romantic.
"I have to leave in a few days. I'm sorry. There is a political conference with
the UFN to signs treaty with the Holy Britannian Empire. Now that the Democles
is almost functional, I suggested we end the war through diplomacy, rather than
violence. They are no match for me."
"You always took to big stick ideology."
He looked like he wanted to say something vulgar. Whatever it was, it died in
his throat. Her brother might be ten years her senior, but his sense if humor
was the same as a teenager. Rumor has it boys mature slower than girls. That
would explain why Suzaku was always such an idiot.
"And Father agrees with this?" She liked the way he shivered when she trailed
her fingers down his chest. It wasn't out of fear or loathing. It reminded her
of how her own body tingled after sex. She would have to do it again sometime
when his skin was exposed. She predicted it would make his breath hitch. "That
seems unlikely."
"I took you advice, and brought the contents of Code-R before him. He knew
about it already, of course, but it opened a dialog about geass and the Sword
of Akasha.
"He didn't tell me all the details. It's a weapon to destroy God. That's all I
know. If it doesn't work, he will die. Then the throne is mine. Either way, he
doesn't want to be bothered with trivial matters of the Empire."
She got up from his lap, and began to pace. The sticky substance didn't bother
he as much as usual. That was because it leaked onto her brother's pants. A
smile tugged on her red lips. She liked that. Lelouch stopped in her tracks,
realizing that he was vile too. She already knew that he was sadistic, cruel,
and deranged. The fact that he equally shared in their incest never crossed her
mind. Maybe because he was always in control, forcing that sin in her. No. He
never blamed her; he was responsible for his own actions. He never said those
action were her fault. It's possible the oversight was because the guilt and
shame of her reaction, her desire, prevented that observation.
"Why now?"
"You are out of the picture."
"You flatter me, Brother. But why are you telling me now?"
"I don't want to leave you."
It was a white lie. She didn't doubt that he felt uncomfortable leaving her
alone, considering she curled up in a ball, dead to the world, for hours a day,
several times a week. He couldn't predict them either. She knew he was charting
her actions to find a pattern. There was none. She was making note of them too.
Still, he was hiding something from her.
"Then don't." His eyebrows furrowed at the suggestion. Unlike her, he had a
life and responsibilities outside the 32nd level of the Democles. "Take me with
you."
"I will think about it." He replied after a long pause.
She fell asleep to him playing with her hair, and rubbing her back. There
wasn't an episode that night, which meant there would be one within the next
day or two. They were predictable in the sense that they were impending.
Nothing would stop them. The only thing he could do was help her through them,
something she didn't even notice until she came back to from wherever she went.
Sometimes she remembered them. Sometimes she didn't. It was dependent on the
severity.
A terrible lurching forced her out of the bed. Lelouch wanted to lie under the
covers longer, but she didn't want to vomit on the floor next to it. Not again.
The reminisce made the sour taste in her mouth worse. She was surprised when
Schneizel only glanced at her bowing down to the porcelain god, ran his hand
through his hair, and left. It would have seemed more characteristic for him to
rub her back. When she started seeing him as kind, rather than cruel was a
mystery. It was probably when she started going insane.
He came back a few minutes later, and did indeed rub her back, wiping away the
hot tears that trailed down her cheeks. She hated puking. Then again, who likes
it? An insane person. That thought forced another one of her frightening laughs
out of her burning throat. Her brother's hand stilled and trembled; she didn't
notice. He stayed silent for a while, unmoving, after she stopped.
"Get out. I need to pee." She said, voice hoarse.
"Little Sister." He paused and picked up an oblong white cardboard box off the
floor. "It's time you finally use this." He held the offending object out to
her.
"I'm not pregnant. There's no need to take a pregnancy test."
She could tell he was fighting a smile at the way the side of his mouth
quirked. "Then humor me. Please. What difference will it make if it's
negative?"
She rolled her eyes and shooed him out of the room. He was right. There was no
reason to avoid it if it was just going to be a single pink line.
Time truly was not finite considering those two minutes were an eternity. It
was like she was caught in Rolo's geass. She was frozen in place. The
accumulation of seconds passed at a surreal rate. She refused to look at the
stick until she counted to 120. What if she read it wrong? She scoffed,
thinking that she could accomplish so much, and yet felt incapable of counting
to two.
She obviously was incapable because she found two lines glaring back at
her. One. Two. One. Two. One. Two. The number never changed. The amount of
times she counted them was inconsequential. It would never become one, or even
three - the test didn't have a spot for a third line.
She noticed Schneizel's arms wrap around her waist, his hands caressing her
stomach. This time she didn't swat them away. She was going to have a child.
She was going to be a mother. Schneizel, her brother, was the father of the
baby growing inside her.
***** Mad World: The Birth of Lulu El Britannia *****
She hated him. How dare he judge her with his vacant emerald eyes? Suzaku
watched her like a hawk; his eyes never left her lithe form. Lelouch would have
rather stayed aboard the Damocles. Her brother could have argued a reason to
keep it close during the negotiations, rather than the agreed upon distance,
which was too far to make house calls. Then she wouldn't have to be shadowed by
her ex lover, who thought she was a monster. Like everything else in her life,
release from her penitentiary was a met with mixed emotions. What did he know?
He never attempted to understand her despair. Then again, she never tried to
understand him either. She pushed him away because she thought it would be
easier. Life was always more complicated than that.
Schneizel's reason for leaving her in the care of Suzaku rather than Gino was
logical. Anya was out of the question, not because she was a petite middle
school girl, but because she was mysteriously absent. He was only bringing two
Knights of the Round. Either Schneizel was confident in the negotiations going
without a hitch, or he was keeping more secrets from her. There was also the
little detail that he could nuke the whole assembly if he wanted. Funny, she
never cared when she felt she had no control. Lies and deception aside, Suzaku
knew who she was, and knew her situation. She couldn't tell if her brother's
actions were rooted in kindness or cruelty. Lelouch knew from experience that
an enigma where both branches fed that fruit existed.
He insisted he had nothing to do with the location. It was a gesture of good
faith to go into the lion's den. After the death of Zero, and the announcement
that Schneizel was developing a weapon of mass destruction, the Black Knights
mostly operated in cell group. The place wouldn't be swarming with her old
subordinates. That didn't change the fact that she was transcending time. She
was being transferred from a world of now, to a world that was her past, and
would have been her future if only things were different. The location the UFN
chose for negotiations was Penglai Island, also known as Horai Island.
The event was to last for two to three days. One for Schneizel's proposal
before the assembly of representatives, one for vote, and assuming everything
went swimmingly, and one to celebrate a world without war. As much as he didn't
want to bring her back to her old stomping grounds, he couldn't leave her alone
on the Damocles.
That became evident when she had an episode with only Kanon present. Her
brother was away, off the Flying Fortress. Kanon's touch did not comfort her.
All he managed to do was keep her from hurting herself. Instead of helping, his
light touch on her shoulder sent her into a panic. It made her feel more alone,
if such a thing was possible. She began sobbing and talking about things he
didn't want to repeat to her. He said it was just incoherent babble, and she
believed him. She didn't want to think that her jumbled up words were actually
a confession of sins and secrets.
She still curled up into the fetal position, but it didn't feel serene. Lelouch
didn't leave her body with tranquility. She clawed at the eye patch and her
arms. When he tried to stop her, she would shriek, as if his hands burned. She
didn't remember any of this. She knew he wasn't lying because her head hurt,
and there were marks on her previously flawless skin. Plus Kanon didn't seem
like the person to lie about such things. He wasn't an interlocking web of
cruelty and kindness. He was just kind.
In a contradictory way it made sense. Her brother started it all. He was the
one who was there when she first fell apart. When he fucked her on the counter
in her Ashford Uniform he did something to her that was more than getting her
pregnant. He left her broken, and only he knew how the pieces fit back
together.
Her state of unknowing lasted until Schneizel returned and coaxed her back to
the present with his hands and humming. It wasn't good for her, and it wasn't
good for the baby. He couldn't leave her on the Damocles. They were "his
responsibility, and the result of his choices." Lelouch didn't like being
thought of that way, but she didn't argue either. Arguing would only leave her
alone, and not with him. She didn't want to calculate plans to make the gilded
cage safe without him. Schneizel arrogantly added that was impossible.
The garden ceased being her hiding place. There was nothing left for her there.
She agreed with her brother that antipsychotics wouldn't help either. There was
something otherworldly about her fits. Even so, those would have had to wait
until after the first trimester was over, and preferably the entire pregnancy.
In spite of Schneizel's insistence that their relation was a good thing for the
baby, she didn't want to take any chances. She didn't want to tip the scale by
putting drugs in her body that could cause abnormalities. That was just testing
fate.
She still struggled to believe it. There was a baby, her brother's baby,
growing inside her womb. The day she found out she stared at those two pink
lines until Schneizel pulled her away. He threw the stick in the trash like it
was nothing, like its word was law. The comment that she "couldn't use geass to
change it," was not amusing. He was unintentionally cruel.
So was the child. Even though all of her pregnancy related symptoms were
normal, and not due to insanity, she still didn't appreciate them. He was
already taking after his father. That shouldn't make her heart swell. She
should think of it as an abomination, a parasite, something borne of filth. She
shouldn't be guessing genders. Yet when the shock began to wear off, she
couldn't bring herself to think that way.
The fetus was innocent, only nine weeks into gestation. It couldn't be blamed
for the way it was created. It was the most innocent thing in existence, having
no knowledge of good or evil. It was only the size of a cherry. She couldn't
make herself hate it.
For all his talk, Schneizel didn't seem as happy as she expected. He carried a
look of guilt, of hidden shame, when he didn't think she was watching. He ran
his fingers through his hair. Something was bothering him. When prompted, he
reverted back to his mask of excitement. He pulled her into his lap and opened
up all the pregnancy information on his laptop.
She didn't push him away when he nuzzled her neck, pointing out that it already
has a heartbeat, and they will be able to hear it on a sonogram. His actions
made no sense. He was acting like they were going to be a happy family. She
wanted them to be one. He was ever the contradiction, wearing as many masks as
she had. A part of her didn't ever want to find out which one was the true
Schneizel.
As much as she knew she should wish for a miscarriage, she couldn't. The
thought was frightening. With all the deaths she caused, both with her words
and by her hand, intentional and unintentional; she couldn't stand to think of
anything happening to it. Her previous plan to end the pregnancy should one
arise fell through. Lelouch never loved something so quickly and so much. She
fell in love with two pink lines. It felt blasphemous to say that she loved
those lines more than Nunnally.
Still, that just made her relationship with Schneizel more complicated. She
should hate him and everything he did to her. That man deserved a death worse
than their father (when a way to kill the Emperor was planned.) Schneizel's
happy fantasyland on the Damocles couldn't change that. However, he was the
father of her child and, presumably, the only person who could pull her out of
an episode. He took care of her. Lelouch hated the way she needed him - he was
her lifeline. The ruins of her pride prevented her from arguing that she should
be with him during the negotiations. What if she had an episode in the middle
of it? She didn't want to experiment on what would happen in a room full of
people, considering just being around Kanon "made the demon worse." She didn't
ask him to explain what that meant. She didn't want to know.
Thankfully, she learned how to sense their coming within a half hour time
frame. The feeling of being tugged to the left preceded all else, and then she
became distracted by something as the world faded away around her. If she
fought it, she could last a little while before she lost herself. That would be
enough time to get her back to the guest suite, and get Schneizel. Her desire
to have him there right away was pushed to the back burner. She was able to
ride out enough of fits by herself in the garden. As long as no one else
touched her, she should be fine.
That was probably why he chose Suzaku. It wasn't the teen's sympathy for her
that made him a good caretaker it was the opposite. Her ex wouldn't mind seeing
her suffer. He would probably relish in it. Someone else would probably feel
compelled to do more than stand watch. Still, a fraction of the light left in
his eyes disappeared when Schneizel pulled him aside to give the instructions.
It didn't go to his hair. It just disappeared. Perhaps it went to Lelouch's
hair as well. She seemed to glow.
Seeing Suzaku on the plane made her falter, and almost lose footing. She could
barely recognize him. Lelouch would have rather seen his face contorted in rage
than apathy. His eyes were dead. He was suffering through a living death. It
should have made her feel happy to see him pained by his actions. He sold her
out. Twice. It made no sense for her to sympathize. If she was going to develop
Stockholm Syndrome it should be directed at Schneizel, not Suzaku. His nearly
thousand-yard stare shouldn't bother her.
"Hey! You look familiar!" Gino beamed when Schneizel have permission for the
Knights to stand at ease. Suzaku took opportunity to sulk in the corner and
burrow holes in her back. Gino took it as an invitation to break past her
bubble of personal space. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
She noticed Schneizel and Suzaku tense in her peripheral vision. The lounge
space above the holding dock for the Knightmares (they weren't completely
unarmed) and the cockpit was small enough that the Knight of Three's jovial
voice travelled. Idiocy on Suzaku's part was expected. Schneizel, on the other
hand, should have known the two went to school together. This only added to her
theory that there was something wrong with him. She should be the one with
pregnancy brain, and not him. Sympathetic pregnancies were not a real thing.
"Possibly. She is my wife, Lulu El Britannia." Schneizel responded.
"Wait. You got married?! I mean." Gino straightened his shoulders and back from
being hunched over with shock. "I mean. Congratulations, your highness. I
apologize for not knowing."
"Don't be." Lelouch smiled, finding it surprisingly easy to adopt a persona
again. "He would have been more than content to keep me his dirty secret if not
for a strange turn of events, right Dear?"
Her brother's fingers twitched. After being alone with him for over two months,
she knew all his mannerisms. He was nervous. Letting her out on parole meant
that he didn't have complete control any longer. He might have Suzaku and
Kanon's undying loyalty, but maybe not Gino. The blond teen was the emperor's
dog, and Lelouch had no idea if Schneizel was granted permission for his
actions. The farther she got from the Damocles, the more she could alter the
course of events. With the right words, she could turn Schneizel into a
monster. They wouldn't be lies. That would get her nowhere. Admitting her
identity and his transgressions would only take her out of his care, and into
the Emperor's. Despite Kanon's charm and kindness, the man was undoubtedly
dangerous also. Schneizel would have 2:1 against Gino.
"Not every event of the Royal Family needs to be a pompous affair. I prefer
discretion regarding my personal life."
"I'm sure if Clovis were still alive, we wouldn't get such a luxury."
That was what started it all. If she never murdered their brother where would
she be now? She would probably be at home, at Ashford Academy, with Nunnally
writing up expense reports form the student council. She would still have the
same last name. Suzaku would never have been accused of murder. It's possible
she might not have even picked up the mantle of Zero.[1] She never would have
found herself in this situation.
"I'm not so sure, Lulu, fate has an odd way of deciding things. One might say
it throws a wrench in our plans."
A wry smile tugged at her lips. "I'm lucky to have your devotion." She stopped
herself from adding brother at the last moment.
Gino looked positively bemused by the vague words. She could see his mind
trying to figure out what they were talking about, because the conversation was
clearly going over his head. She didn't try to hide it. Ever since the day she
propositioned him in the garden, she realized didn't have to be centered under
his thumb. Schneizel was predictable in the sense that he wouldn't jeopardize
his hold on her, and that he was a man. Having the ability to reverse roles, no
matter how fleeting, gave her a sense of satisfaction. Her brother might be the
epitome of poise in the outside. He was squirming internally. She could tell by
those subtle hand twitches. He was fighting the urge to run his fingers through
his hair. Still, his words bothered her. They didn't give her the power play
she hoped.
"If you will excuse me, your highness. Congratulations again on your marriage."
Gino said with a formal bow.
It's been a while since someone called her that honorific outside of a geass
command, or snark. Nine years and three hundred and twenty two days to be
exact. The anniversary of her mother's death would be soon. This was first year
she wouldn't spend it mourning with Nunnally. Even as Zero, she was determined
to find a way to make it happen. She would have stolen Nunnally out of the
Vicereine' s palace to keep that tradition. She absently brushed her fingers
against her taught torso. I'm going to be a mother. It still seemed so surreal.
"You shouldn't say things like that." Schneizel scolded, wrapping his arms
around her waist from behind.
"Oh? I was just having a little fun with you. I thought you would like to play
switch.[2]"
His breath hitched at the double meaning of her words. She could feel him tense
against her back with one area more pronounced than the rest. It should make
her feel vile, disgusting, and like a whore. His immediate response to her
words shouldn't make her feel powerful. It shouldn't feel right. Her eyes
wandered towards Suzaku, who was now joined by Gino.
She knew from her former schoolmate's personality he was gossiping about them
to her ex. This was obvious because those emerald eyes became more penetrating.
He was watching her the whole time, but now he wasn't doing as good of a job at
hiding it. The last of the sparkle left them when Schneizel started nibbling on
her neck, and caressing her stomach, uncaring about the public display of
affection. How dare he judge her with those vacant emerald eyes, that thousand-
yard stare? What did he know? He wasn't the one made to suffer.
===============================================================================
Being back on Horai Island was both everything and nothing like she expected.
The first verse of 'Mad World,' written by Roland Orzabal, and popularized by
Gary Jules two decades after the fact, couldn't even do justice. Even Lelouch's
prodigy mind couldn't figure out of she were the one who was mad or the world
around her. Her episodes, where she left her body for another non-physical
place, were making more of an impression than she first anticipated. Sometimes
the lines between insane and sane were as blurred as love and loathe. The line
was so thin, and she was walking it like a tight rope.
The smell of the sea assaulted her nose to the point where she could taste the
salt water. The landing pad she used so many times previously felt new under
her feet. Xingke and Kaguya, who greeted them immediately, looked to be
familiar strangers. She knew them. Lelouch knew every detail of their previous
meetings, even ones she was certain should have been forgotten. The little
things that should have been missed, the way Kaguya' s pitch varied barely a
note, or the way Xingke shifted his weight were upfront. She blinked several
times when she saw the mist behind the mask. Not the masks of C' s world, with
red carved into silver faces, or even the white ones that she somehow knew
Shirley saw; the masks were their features. The skin was a shell making them
separate in a world of lies.
Ohgi and the bustling crowd in the background were the same: Masks over mist
connected by thick cords like a web. This wasn't how her episodes normally
progressed. It was normally inanimate objects that stole her attention. She
should have at least another twenty minutes left on her ticking time bomb too.
Then again, the only person she's been with since these began was Schneizel.
There was no one else to view as a hive of collected, interwoven minds
experiencing reality individually.
She hated thinking that the words of her father were starting to make sense.
She hated even more that she had to grab hold of Schneizel's hand to make it
all go away. His apology spoke through her mind rather than words, and he
turned his head away. He didn't want her to see his face or his mask.
Then it all stopped. The physical world came rushing back and the scene she
witnessed was gone and forgotten. He wouldn't let her pull her hand away,
saying "wait until you're completely back." She didn't know what he meant, and
wasn't sure she really wanted to know either. There was always an ulterior
motive with Schneizel; there were always secrets.
"Are you alright? You look sick." Kaguya asked, looking away from the one sided
conversation she was trying to have with a non-responsive Suzaku.
"I'm fine." Lelouch lied. "I just need to walk around for a bit. Thank you for
your concern, Kaguya, you always were a sweet girl."
Schneizel tensed.
The walk around the capital became much more normal as time progressed. This
was what Lelouch expected. She saw her former stomping grounds through the lens
of a stranger with intimate second hand knowledge of the surroundings. The
people she passed never really knew her. They knew Zero, the Man of Miracles,
the symbol of the rebellion. C.C., Kallen, Rolo, and Jeremiah only knew the
woman behind it. None of whom were present.
Kallen was still locked up in Area 11 until after the negotiations, but the
rest should be there. Even if the rest of the Black Knights believed her dead,
the witch would know better, and Jeremiah and Rolo would believe her. Even if
she lost her memories and was once again a slave girl, C.C. would seek her out.
Lelouch knew. The spaced out military of the UFN seemed like a convenient
excuse. Then again, none of those persons were loyal to the Black Knights. They
were loyal to her.
Ignorance was not bliss. Lelouch cursed her previous mindset. Depression had
caused her to not care about anything outside of her current situation. She was
experiencing the consequences of that decision. Knowledge was power. Schneizel
never took that power away from her. She willingly abandoned it. She fought one
of her crazed laughs.
"Are you sure you are alright?" Schneizel asked, squeezing her hand when she
didn't respond.
"I'm fine, really. I was just thinking about something funny. You probably
wouldn't understand though."
Suzaku's eyes following her every movement continued to haunt her. Gino's
comment that her and Schneizel "made a cute couple" made it worse. She wondered
what he would say if he knew the disturbing details. That certainly wouldn't be
his opinion. Their relationship was an abomination. Only the child was
innocent.
She couldn't continue to be like this. Her mind raced with different
possibilities that she dutifully ignored until that moment. She needed answers.
Lelouch couldn't be the shell of a person she was the past two months if she
wanted to be half the mother Marianne was to her. She couldn't leave Schneizel.
He was all she had. She needed to draw the answers out of him. The secrets she
didn't want to know, starting with his omissions the first day.
The guest suite was her quarters converted. When the door shut behind them, she
didn't fight the laugh. She knew the space was practically soundproof. Whether
she laughed at the preposterous plan or the location, she wasn't sure. Oh, how
the mighty have fallen. It seemed fitting to be there, in the ruins of her
kingdom.
"Xingke plans to force your hand."
"What?" Schneizel chuckled and sat down on the plush chair she always used
rather than the couch.
These weren't the words he expected to hear. Lelouch sashayed towards his
slightly trembling form. I'm afraid of you. The words rang in her ears. That
was one question she wouldn't need to ask. She knew why she was frightening.
"He's a tactician that can rival me. He knows you don't want to use the
Damocles. He plans to force your hand tomorrow, and make you limit Father's, or
rather yours by proxy, voting rights."
"I have no problem using it. What are a few million lives to being about
peace?"
"Enough to make you a monster." She smiled and wrapped her arms around his
shoulders front behind the high back chair. "You may or may not conquer the
world that way. People value their freedom." She pushed the jacket off his
shoulders and pulled up his robes. "In theory. But unlike gravity, not all
theories are good."
"Oh?"
"Hmmm. Well," she drawled, unbuttoning his shirt. Her red lips brushed up
against his ear. " Take me for example."
"What about you?"
Lelouch trailed her fingers down his chiseled chest, enjoying the way he sucked
in breath. For someone with his experience, one would think he wouldn't be
affected by such gestures. The again, it's the little things in life that make
the difference. She played with the hem of his pants, nuzzling her head against
his neck. The chains of her eye patch dangled again his collarbone.
"Don't be humble, dear. It's unbecoming. You hold me in the palm of your hand
and I love it. I love you."
It was the first time she said those words to anyone other than Nunnally or
Suzaku. Love. Loathe. It was all a blur, and a white lie. She would lie to
anyone except Nunnally.
"I love you too."
Lelouch smiled. "I know. I love you, and I love the child growing within me who
is half you. That's why I don't want you to become a monster. I want the world
to see you as the White King, a visage of honor and mightiness. You held the
word in your hands, could have taken it by force. Yet through words you brought
about an era of peace."
"You flatter me, Sister."
Her role was sinful from his lips. She unbuckled his slacks. "Not as much as
you deserve. Big stick theory and all." Schneizel loved lewd jokes.
"I will do what I have to." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before
continuing, voice hoarse. A part of her feared he would swat her hand away. "I
will use all that is available to me. Even weapons of mass destruction."
She pulled him from the chair to the bed like an eager schoolboy. The rest of
his clothes were removed and she zipped down the back of her dress. Her heavy,
swollen breasts made her lanky form look curvaceous. They grew impossibly
quick, and were much larger than the last time he saw them. She crawled towards
him from the foot of the bed, stopping only to lick the pre-cum off before
straddling him. That would wait for another time. She couldn't talk and give
head at once. Not efficiently.
"But you are forgetting one thing."
"What's that?" He croaked, arching into her touch. If nothing else, her
previous denial made her enthusiasm more potent.
"Me."
His laugh was throaty.
"You're going to seduce the assembly?"
"Well," she dropped down, taking him all in. A gasp escaped her throat, both
from the added sensitivity from her pregnancy, and the way he struggled to keep
in a moan. "I would prefer not to. I only want you." She paused her speech,
finding it harder to keep composure than she thought. Her inability to continue
only added to her seduction. "I can make you ruler of the world without a drop
of bloodshed. Zero is dead, and no one besides you, Kanon, and Kururugi know
who I am. Take off my eye patch. Get the key. Use me."
Her evil, ironic laugh threatened to return. There was so much blood on her
hands. She shouldn't be suggesting he avoid it.
" Kururugi has it."
She stopped. Her flushed skin became chilled. Suzaku. He sold her to her
father, then her brother, and held the key to her prison. Schneizel's hands
left her breasts to rub circles down her spine. She needed to keep going.
"I'll think about it."
Damnit! She didn't want him to think about it. The answer was clear. He would
deny her, and use the Damocles in fear that she would turn on him. She fought
the urge to push off of him. He would deny her that too. The power she felt
using what was once thought of as her weakness faded.
The again, the last time he said those words; she was set free of her birdcage.
***** Suzaku's Sympathy and Schneizel's Spur *****
The following episode was the worst yet. It gave no warning, no time to
prepare. The feeling was more intense. Schneizel's actions the day before put a
lid on the top of the cup that was Lelouch's fragile state. Without a vent,
Lelouch's sanity shot out of her like champagne being opened.
It was because he prevented her episode when she got off the plane. It made no
sense. There was no way to prevent them. They simply existed within her, and
outside her control. At the same time it made perfect sense. Schneizel was
always in control. Even when she felt powerful it was because she was
attempting to manipulate him. She was grasping at straws, holding on to an idea
that she could coax him like he did her. It didn't matter if he held all the
cards so long as she could whisper in his ear and tell him which ones to play.
It was unfortunate he wasn't there.
Schneizel left while she was sleeping. Lelouch got in the habit of waking in
odd intervals when time didn't exist. On the Damocles morning, noon, and night
were just words. A turn of a dial in the garden, which so happened to be
constructed to look like a sundial, could alter her surroundings. Schneizel
didn't seem to mind so she made days pass by her will. When she was tired, the
illusionary sun would set, and when she was alert it rose. Sometimes she liked
to keep it in transition for hours, staring at the LED light created dusk. No
wonder she didn't realize her period was late.
In Zero's old quarters, the guest suite, the only way to alter time was to turn
off the lights, or close the blackout curtains that looked out to the sea.
Lelouch did both before crawling into bed and Schneizel's arms only to wake up
alone and with the curtains drawn back. That was a lie. Vacant emerald eyes
gazed at her as she groaned and stretched, cracking her neck in the process.
She just didn't notice him sitting in the chair immediately upon waking.
"What are you doing in here?" Lelouch asked, pulling the sheets up over her
chest. The last time Suzaku saw her naked, she was pink skinned and bruised. A
zombie. One of those was still true. She didn't think a blush could still be
brought to her high cheekbones after all the things that her brother had done.
"Get out."
"I'm supposed to watch you." His voice matched his eyes.
"I doubt this is what Schneizel meant."
"It would be insulting if I stood guard outside your room."
She wanted to add that it wasn't what she meant, but the words died in her
throat. Her brother liked to dangle her in front of Suzaku like the gemstones
on her eye patch. The last two months notwithstanding, it didn't seem to out of
character to have him there when she woke up. Lelouch stopped sleeping in
nightgowns a long time ago. One could argue she never did, considering those
personas were dead.
There was always an ulterior motive with Schneizel. No action was without
intent.
"Whatever. I'm taking a shower. Don't follow me in there."
"Yes, your highness."
For having no emotions, Suzaku could still manage snark perfectly. She wished
that he would roll his eyes at her like he used to do. Whenever he would say
that in the past, he would roll his eyes and then steal her nose, laughing. She
wanted to see his eyes sparkle, and not how hers were with tears. Stupid
hormones. Not only was she sore, tired, nauseous, but also cried at the tip of
a hat over the stupidest things. It was stupid to cry about the past. It would
never change. The person she loved was dead, and only the shell of a body
remained.
Wrapping the sheets around her frame, she walked from the bed to the adjoined
bathroom, shivering from the cold floors on her bare feet. Unlike Suzaku, who
was dressed in full Knight of the Round attire, she was vulnerable to the
change in temperature. She was just felt vulnerable. It wasn't the cold. Her ex
didn't take his eyes off her as she passed. His eyes bore into her exposed
upper back. Funny that she felt powerful with Schneizel and meek with Suzaku.
It wasn't just because he held the key either.
Lelouch barely made it into the bathroom when her body began to tingle. She
hissed, knowing full well what that meant. An episode was coming. She was going
to have one with Suzaku around because she wasn't vulnerable enough already. He
would probably like that. He was probably going to relish seeing her insane.
Lukewarm water droplets foiled her attempt to shower and dress before she left
her body. It didn't take long for the assault on her skin to send her into
frenzy. Her composure was washed away along with the sweat of the previous
night. She stumbled out of the shower, knocking over the shelf of toiletries in
the process.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The world came crashing down around her. Her large master bath was stifling.
Swirls of colors and lights mixed with the vibrant hues of the chrome she was
clutching. Suzaku's presence in the doorway made a cord appear in her chest,
attaching her to him. She clawed at it, but her hands went right through like
the big, ugly dark red cord didn't exist. Her eye patch was next. For some
reason she felt that would make it all go away, or at least give her the
ability to cut the cord, rather than have things pass through it.
He grabbed her wrists when she reached Schneizel's old-fashioned razor. He
wasn't supposed to touch her. Lelouch shrieked and shrunk away, feeling his
hatred penetrating her being.
You are the incarnation of evil. I hate you. I'm no better than you. All you
say are lies. I can't touch you. I can't reach you. You are the incarnation of
evil. All you say are lies.
The thoughts swarmed around her mind like angry bees, stinging her eyes. No,
those were the tears. She cried and shook, speaking words that made no sense.
His eyes went wide and he backed away. He heard him deny her over and over
again. She didn't understand, considering she wasn't asking for anything.
Despite his features being opaque over mist, she could see that he was crying
also.
Jerking on the floor, Lelouch ceased to be Zero, Lelouch Vi Britannia,
Lamperouge, or Lulu El Britiannia. She was just in pain. Schneizel's assessment
that Suzaku wouldn't care was wrong. Her lithe form called out to him to free
her from her shackle, and make it stop. With her shoulder length raven hair
falling before her face, covering the eye patch, it was easy forget it was
there. Her naked form denoted her lack of a role even more. The only indication
of her identity was her words. As she begged for him to help her, not let her
body be taken over, she told him Euphy was a mistake. He didn't want to know.
His back was already carrying more weight than it could handle. His cross was
already so heavy. He didn't want to hear that everything was all a
misunderstanding. There was nothing he could do about it. Schneizel said if he
touched her, "it would make it worse." He watched as she clawed at the eye
patch again, begging for release.
Suzaku felt the weight of the chain around his neck and the key attached to it.
The key was ornate, reminding him of some something borne of complications. The
fact that the item hung over his heart was not lost on him. Either intentional
or not, he felt the cold metal every day of the past three months. It was his
cross to bear. It was his atonement for his actions, and his choice.
The minute and a half it took for her to curl up into the fetal position was
too much for him to handle. His knuckles were white he clutched the key so
hard. Schneizel said not to touch her. He said not to take it off; it would
only make things worse for her. He wanted to relish in her suffering. He wanted
to hate her. Those feelings dissipated over the past two months. Actually all
feelings disappeared. He didn't think he could feel anything until he saw her
again. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Lulu always loved Robin Hood. He
should hate her. He shouldn't be shaking and crying with her.
"Lulu." He whispered, crouching down behind her back. "I'm sorry."
It didn't matter because they were alone. It didn't matter because she wouldn't
know. It didn't matter because he was immune.
If only for a little bit, he wanted to let her be free. Suzaku gently brushed
the hair away with his fingertips, pulling the chain off his neck. "I'm sorry,
Lulu." He repeated, turning the key in the lock, falling on the floor the same
time as the gothic inspired material. He touched her skin after she had already
crossed the threshold.
He was in the white world, the world he traversed in Narita. Suzaku looked
around his new environment even though he knew he wouldn't find anything. You
didn't find things in the white world. They found you.
Still, he started to walk. A light mist began to collect at his feet, swirling
around his ankles with each stride. He vaguely acknowledged that if it were
tightly packed together it would be dark lavender like Lulu's eyes. He didn't
know how long he walked, a minute or a million years; it made no difference
here. He would forget when he left too. Just like at Nartia.
The mist got thicker the farther he travelled to the point that it was hard to
see. Suzaku expected the moisture to be cold, but it was hot and salty. It
reminded him of tears. Small pictures in golden filigree frames appeared of
various sizes. He didn't want to look. He felt if he stared into those oil
painted portraits he would get lost in them.
He averted his eyes, continuing past the paintings like a man on a mission.
What the mission was, however, he wasn't so sure. The artwork got more detailed
and larger, some much larger than others. His step faltered when he saw one of
Lulu gazing down blood covered stairs at her mother and little sister in his
peripheral vision. He didn't want to look. He especially didn't want to look at
the painting that did catch his attention. It was the moment he met her. The
moment he fell in love.
"Lelouch is a stupid name. You're a girl, and not a boy. What your mother not
know how to name you right?" Suzaku's ten-year-old voice rang in his ears. He
was so happy she didn't speak Japanese after he learned of her past. "What
you're not going to answer? Stupid Brit."
He tore his eyes away from the vibrant colors, and careful strokes. Unlike the
paintings of the past, this one struck out. It was huge, almost as big as the
one of Marianne's death, which was filled with dark hues of purple, red, and
black. This one was the opposite. He lit up her life. The dull ache in Suzaku's
chest turned to a sharp, stabbing pain. He clutched at the key around his neck,
a coping mechanism lately, and ran. Suzaku pushed his athletic abilities to the
max, frames and colors streaking past him at an impossible rate, so fast they
became blurred. He sidestepped as paintings started to come off the invisible
walls, or maybe the walls shifted; it didn't matter. He didn't want to see
them. She ripped his heart out, stepped on it, and murdered the woman he loved.
She made him kill the one person she loved too Nothing could change that fact.
She left him because he murdered his father for her. To save her. His life
would have been so much better if she didn't exist. The world would have been
better if she didn't exist.
He shouldn't still love her.
The burning in his lungs caused him to stop. His legs were like jello and his
heart beat in his ears. The Knight of Seven uniform, the one he sold her out to
wear, clung damp to his skin. His hope that he was out of the gallery was
dashed. Two paintings hung before him like French doors. He could hear movement
from behind them. Lulu was on the other side of those memories. He wanted to
turn back. He wanted to do anything other than look at the dark paintings in
front of him.
One was of her in the cockpit of a Buari Knightmare, biting her hand so hard it
drew blood. The strokes were so fine he could barely see them. It was like she
was alive in that gold frame. He could feel the pain she endured as Zero. She
loved him. She pushed him away because she didn't want him to hurt from her
choices. Lelouch knew that if they continued down that path one day they would
meet on the battlefield. The result would be death. She wanted him to be able
to kill her. Funny, that was one thing he didn't want them to have in common.
The right painting portrayed her sobbing in C.C.'s arms with a black star
pistol loosely hanging in her limp hands. Suzaku knew it was the gun that
killed Euphy. No. It wasn't the gun that killed Lulu's sister. The geass order
to "kill all Japanese" sealed that fate. The trigger was pulled to provide
release from that burden. Lulu murdered her sister out of love. Suzaku felt
sick.
He looked around and saw that all else faded, and only the paintings that he
glanced at remained. Why was he being shown these? Was it a coincidence or the
intervention of an outside force? Suzaku doubted that Lulu would want her
secrets revealed this way. She was always a secretive person.
Holding his breath he pushed past the golden filigree doors. Lulu greeted him
on the other side. Paint splattered everywhere as she made Jackson Pollock
inspired art. A few pieces contained identifiable images, but it was all
jumbled up. The wild abstract lines and splotches replaced pristine art focused
on results. He shouldn't find her beautiful. Her naked form was covered in
vibrant acrylic. Her eyes sparkled, not with madness or tears; She was happy
here.
"It would seem I had a lot of things pent up." She said, a wide smile on her
red lips. A trail of teal came an inch away, making the color stand out more.
"You always did bottle things up."
"Like you have any room to talk." She said, flicking paint in his direction. He
dodged it, but still ended up with crimson on his jacket. Crimson like blood.
She laughed at the horrified expression on his face. It was a chiming sound
that echoed through the empty space and made his chest contract. Her laugh was
delightful. "I'll pay for your dry cleaning."
"I don't know if anything will ever get this out." He said reaching down the to
the warm sticky substance. It was blood.
"No. Probably not." She clipped, turning back to her painting.
He shouldn't touch her. Schneizel said not to touch her. This was the white
world though, and nothing was real. Suzaku cautiously stepped towards her,
blocking her view from the eight-foot canvas. He lifted his fingers that were
coated with blood and smeared them on her face starting at her hairline,
trailing down her nose, over those red lips, stopping at her chin. She looked
wild.
"Your hands are dripping with blood Lulu."
"So are yours. The only difference is I don't try to hide it. I don't blame
others."
"You just go crazy."
"True."
She smiled and pushed past him, submersing her hands in a bucket of crimson. It
changed colors upon hitting the canvas. Blues, yellows, and pinks splattered
the space instead. He watched in awe as she transformed something gruesome into
something awe inspiring. When the bucket was empty she took his hand and pulled
him back to get a better vantage point. Now his hands were coated in blood too.
He wondered if he flung it at the painting if it would change colors, or if
only Lulu possessed that magic.
"I was always worried about making the right move, but I never realized that I
was moving based on someone else's plan. Someone else's paintings hang in this
gallery."
She leaned her head on his shoulder, making her neck stretch and pop in the
process. They were exactly the same height. Suzaku stayed there, clenching the
key in one hand and holding her hand in the other. He didn't want to leave.
"Can we stay here?"
"No, Love. This isn't real. We have to choose reality no matter what. Even if
it's not what we want to experience, even if it's too much to handle, it's the
truth. A bunch of splattered paint isn't going to change that."
"Funny you talk of truth when all you say are lies."
"I always have liked ironic things, haven't I?"
"How much do you have left?"
"Huh?" She asked, pulling her head off his shoulder to look in his sparkling
eyes. Whether they were sparkling with positive or negative emotions, neither
of them knew.
"How much more blood before your painting is finished?"
"I don't know, but hopefully everything is worth it once it's all done. Do you
want to help?"
Suzaku was pulled away, out of the white world, before he could answer.
===============================================================================
Schneizel looked down at the two teens and ran his hand through his thick hair.
Kururugi was cuddling his pregnant half-sister on the bathroom floor. This
wouldn't have bothered him so much of she wasn't naked.
The eye patch, the one that sealed away her geass was discarded. Really, he
thought Suzaku hated her more than this. Schneizel told him not to touch her.
It wasn't because of jealousy, although as time progressed he couldn't deny
that; it was because their Father's plan was precise.
"You shouldn't come out so much... Marianne." He sighed." She's fighting you
more and more. It was easier in the beginning."
Marianne looked up from where she was drawing cat whiskers on Kururugi with a
sharpie marker, and untangled herself from his arms. A mischievous smile played
across the host body's red lips and eyes. Schneizel averted his gaze when those
eyes locked on his. He didn't know if Marianne had the ability to use Lulu's
geass when she was in control. Could both be in use at once? That was one
reason he made the eye patch. He didn't want to experiment.
Lulu gaining control of him was frightening enough. Marianne, and subsequently
the Emperor was an even more terrifying thought. He was already their
marionette doll, and had been for the last eight years. Ever since his father
asked him to move the Empress' body he was trapped. He didn't want to be a
mindless slave too.
"I disagree. I would think I have more experience with the matter than you.
Even if the only way I could come out in the first place is because you pushed
her over the edge. Taking over the mind of an adult is so different than a
child." She looked back down at Kururugi, satisfied that he looked similar
enough to his cat, Arthur. "You haven't done a very good job at making him hate
her."
"Is that why you decided to come out now?"
"I was curious. Weren't you too?"
"It doesn't matter anyway."
Schneizel wasn't certain of that conclusion. He was always grasping at straws,
pieces of information, trying to put the puzzle together. He glanced down at
the passed out Knight. V.V. mentioned that the boy "had a gift, but not the
kind that was given." Hearing his uncle call anyone a child was amusing.
Schneizel wouldn't miss him. He still didn't know what to think of their plan
to bring about the end of the world. The Ragnarok connection. As much as he was
now an active participant in it, he hoped they failed. He didn't want the shell
of the world that remained. He wanted the whole thing.
"Maybe not. Still." She pried the key out of the boy's hand and sashayed
towards Schneizel, twirling the chain around her finger. "You should take
control of this. Make it a punishment for him." She stepped on her toes to put
the chain around his neck, trailing her fingers down his torso in the process.
The key didn't fall over his heart. He was too tall. "And to test her."
"I already told you no." He stilled her hands from unbuckling his pants. "I
won't. Not like this."
"But Lulu looks just like me when I was alive, and you are a spitting image of
Charles when he was your age. Your hair could be a little darker though. It's
the same color as Nunnally's was. Before his turned white and she died, that
is. You should have known better than to put a FLEIJA on the Lancelot."
"Don't make me force you out." Schneizel glared at the reminder.
He didn't know at the time that Kururugi's geass command was "to live." That
was another thing that Marianne and the Emperor kept from him. For a couple
bent on creating a world without lies, they certainly told a lot of them.
Still, taking control of the key to Lulu's shackle and killing her little
sister in one day was enough to effectively break his Knight of One into
complete submission, or so he thought. It was possible he didn't blame Lulu for
Nunnally's death in spite of her geass command being the deciding factor. He
carried that cross himself.
"You're such a naughty boy," she pouted. "Charles still says that you
practically begged him to give you geass so you could be the one to get my
daughter pregnant, and yet you refuse me in her body."
"Did you make any progress convincing C.C.?" He asked, changing the subject.
His body tensed when she pressed against him. He should find clothing for her.
Schneizel might have forced himself on that body many times before, and had
many fetishes. Somnophilia was not one of them. The spirit of her mother might
animate Lulu's figure; she was sleeping. That was one line he didn't want to
cross.
"I don't know why you keep bringing that up. It's irrelevant now."
"There's still two weeks left in the first trimester, and she hasn't been to a
doctor yet…." He trailed off, seeing Marianne rub that body's belly seemed
sinful. More sinful than the way the child was conceived even. He didn't want
her near it. "Plus your theory might not be enough."
"You're wishing the death of your unborn child? You really are more cruel than
the one who sired you." Lulu's laugh chimed like Christmas bells on a snowy
winter night. It was breathtaking. Except, it wasn't Lulu laughing, it was
Marianne. "My theory will prove correct."
She paced the room with a smug smile on that face, enjoying going over the
details with him again like reminding a child. Marianne was only two years
older than him when she died, and yet she continued to look down on him.
Schneizel hated the way that his father and Lulu's mother belittled him, only
throwing him scraps of information. Knowledge was power. He was powerful
against everyone except them.
"The sword of Akasha can be activated with either one or two codes. Two is
perfect, and would guarantee success. However, with C.C.'s unwillingness to
give up her code to Charles, we had to think up a different option. If we
activated it now, it might not work. Then these last fifty years would be a
waste.
"No. We couldn't do that.
"So we searched through our research again and found a correlation between the
potency of geass users and their children. We will use Lelouch for example.
Both Charles and myself have strong gifts, but her's is exceptional. There must
be some gene or something that affects the gift. Its not merely intent. Using
that as our basis, we decided that once Zero was captured again, Lelouch would
birth a child who could accept a geass strong enough to activate Ragnarock.
"That is where you came in. Charles didn't want to bother, and the ability of a
code bearer to produce children was never tested. It could have been years
wasted. You've already proved useful with moving my corpse and overseeing
Clovis' secret Code-R project. It was time to fully bring you into the loop."
"You're contradicting the statement that I begged to be involved."
She smiled and spun around, bending forward at the waist. She laughed again.
"As I was saying. As half-blooded siblings, you are close enough in relation.
Sadly, I had two girls. Lelouch and Nunnally wouldn't work for obvious reasons.
So Charles offered you geass, and you made your wish. A good wish too. You
can't argue that you accepted your role just to gain power.
"Anyway. The manifestation of geass is dependent on that wish. Charles wished
to forget about all the horrors he saw as a child. I didn't want to die in
battle before initiating Ragnarock. Lelouch clearly wished for control. What
did you wish for, Schneizel?"
"The wish doesn't matter. It's the results." He paused, and glanced over at the
eye patch on the tile floor. "Speaking of results. Do you think that Lulu would
betray me if I told her to use her power against the council?"
"I'm sorry, Schneizel. I can't answer that. I only force out her mind. I can't
look into it. You will have to trust your schemes and subjugating. That's what
Charles does with you."
He didn't say what was on his mind. "That's what I was afraid of," would give
too much of an indication that his plans with Lulu weren't all lies to gain her
trust.
***** Giving Orders *****
"Mmmmmm," Lelouch groaned as she arose. Her body was tingling different than
usual. She felt a sense of peace, like she moved a little closer toward that
dot of equilibrium. Maybe she was insane to think her insanity had a purpose.
"Brother?"
He looked away, and she noticed the coloration of her surroundings were
slightly off. She became accustomed to there being a tint in her left eye. Her
brain adjusted for it. Over the past three months it became normal. That
overlay wasn't there any longer. Her eye patch was off. She fought the urge to
run her fingers over that part of her face, to run and look in the mirror.
Mostly she fought the urge to look at him. Lelouch lay completely still in his
arms, mind racing.
"Well this isn't the reaction I expected." Schneizel teased, running his
fingers over her eye without looking at her.
Lelouch's heart was pounding in her ears. His actions didn't make any sense.
No. They made perfect sense. She attempted to show power in the relationship by
using her body to seduce him. By the way he was caressing her face while
keeping a gentle grip, it was clear he was testing her. He gave into her
request to prove a point. She quickly scanned the room hoping to see the
shackle somewhere out of reach.
Like I'm that lucky.
She knew from experience that having her eye exposed didn't guarantee anything.
She was turned away from him, with her back to his chest. He could easily press
down with his hand and cover that side of her face. How much of a fight could
she put up? Not much. Her brother was a hulk of a man. There was no way she
could overpower him physically in that regard. All it would do was ruin the
small measure of trust she had been given. She would be forced back into her
cage, or worse.
The 32nd level of Damocles was like a drug that was being detoxified. The
longer she was away from that fantasyland the more she began to see Schneizel
as cruel once more. His blatant intimidation only supported her opinion. Still,
it wasn't fully out of her system; Lelouch wasn't sure if she would be free of
him once that happened either. The damage was done. She began to tremble when
he removed the hand that was massaging her face. The eye patch was lifted from
outside her peripheral vision and set on her lap.
Schneizel kept his grip on her torso gentle but firm. It would be easy to
confuse it with a loving cuddle if both her arms weren't pinned down. He played
with the amethysts like how he sometimes did when he thought she was asleep.
Except those times she imagined he regretted his decision. At that moment she
couldn't imagine his actions being anything other than an effective power play.
Her heart was pounding so loud she could barely hear him speak.
"Can I trust you, Lulu?" He whispered in her ear, breath hot. In the back of
her mind she wondered what happened to Suzaku, not that his presence would make
her situation any better. It would have the opposite effect.
Schneizel nibbled on the cartilage of her ear and began unbuttoning the
oversized white dress shirt she wore. He waited for a response. Lelouch closed
her eyes and attempted to turn around to face him. The grip on her arms
tightened, pushing her harder into his chest. Lelouch hissed as cool metal
assaulted her back through the thin material. The key was around his neck now.
She didn't need to look at it to know that's what it was. That shape was burned
into her memory. It was visualized over, and over again as she searched the
apartment when he was gone.
"As much as I trust you, dear." She voiced breathlessly.
Her brother laughed, his belly rumbling against her back. Lelouch's face
flushed in anger when he complimented her skilled answer. "I want to trust you,
Sister." He said, lifting the shackle off her lap. Her body couldn't react fast
enough in the second her arms were free. Schneizel clasped the lock. Lelouch
bit back her whine unlike when the item was first put into use. She continued
her turn, looking up at him with slightly distorted vision. Her kiss was soft,
coaxing him to forget his reasons to keep her. It was effective enough that he
held her in place, lips locked, and straddling his hips, when the bathroom door
opened.
Lelouch tensed in his embrace, feeling Suzaku's judgmental eyes on her fully
exposed butt and lower back. Schneizel hiked up the shirt to her shoulder
blades. She couldn't explain why she felt some sort of understanding with
Suzaku was tarnished through her actions. He hated her. He never tried to
understand her. Most importantly, he wasn't the father to her unborn child.
Schneizel's hold in her was much tighter than the raven hair wrapped around his
fingers. The click of the main door closing echoed throughout the space.
"Use me." She repeated, avoiding the key and chain with both her eyes and her
hands as she removed her shirt and started to unbutton his.
"I already do, dearest Sister."
She didn't take his bait. Lelouch manipulated him with her body where her words
were found wanting. It was funny how barely three months ago she thought she
would rather commit suicide then fake a desire for him. She tried to murder him
for seducing her, and here she was, trailing kisses down to his hips. She could
command armies with her lips, and yet commanding him to release her seemed
impossible. Schneizel raised an eyebrow as she knelt at the foot of the bed.
Her gag reflex was horrible.
"How can I make you trust me?" She asked, voice sultry.
He hissed when she licked the tip, gazing up through hooded eyes. Well, one was
visibly hooded at least. The gemstones tickled, brushing against his upper
thigh as her head bobbed. Schneizel pulled the embellishments back with a fist
full of her hair. His body quivered with barely reigned need to thrust into her
mouth. Lelouch teased the tip to avoid gagging, and knowing her brother did not
handle restraint well.
"Lulu." He gritted his teeth to avoid begging. The grip on her hair was
bordering painful. "You need to stop."
"Don't you trust me?" She moaned. "Or are you still afraid I will bite?"
"No. You will not bite me."
"And yet you still fear me?" She replaced her lips with her hand, pumping with
more vigor than she managed with her mouth. Her voice was sinfully innocent.
Schneizel growled, closing his eyes to avoid looking at her perfectly portrayed
mask of devotion and innocence. "You know why." He stated voice as thick with
desire as his penis.
"But I don't. I would never do anything to harm you. Anymore. I cannot change
the past. Please, Schneizel, you own me."
He moaned, using his hand in her hair to pull her up. Lelouch squeaked, finding
herself pinned on her back. Schneizel's ogle made her gulp. "That would mean I
can do whatever I want with you, dearest." He played with the amethyst at her
cheek before trailing his finger down her body.
"Don't you already?" She whimpered when his hand lightly ran up and down her
folds, teasing. "Please, Schneizel." She arched into his touch when he pulled
away.
"I suppose I do. Be still." She bit back a frustrated sob when his hand moved
to her thigh, drawing patterns with her wetness. "You're too smart for your own
good, Lulu."
"Isn't that what you like about me?"
"Too much," He mumbled. "I adore you too much."
His eyes locked on her one, and for a moment she feared he would know of her
sneaking. That piercing gaze lasted until she resisted his hold, leaning to
kiss him. Schneizel's lips pressed onto hers with a crushing force that caused
Lelouch to gasp. He devoured her mouth, releasing his pent up aggressive
through his kiss and pounding thrusts.
He was far from gentle, participating in her nonverbal battle for control.
Apparently permission to do what he wanted translated to complete submission in
his mind. Lelouch wondered if her assessment that the silk blindfold from the
first day was indeed correct. If they were elsewhere, she wouldn't be surprised
if he tied her to the bedposts. Zero's bed still lacked a headboard and
footboard. Instead he pinned her with his body, using his free hand to ravish
her.
"I'm hungry," happened to be her first words when he rolled off.
"Your dinner is on the table," Schneizel laughed, kissing her nose. The gesture
felt off after his previous actions. He watched her struggle to zip up the
dress she pulled out of the suitcase. She always hated wearing his shirts after
sex. It wasn't her stomach that caused the material to stretch, but her chest.
"Bigger clothing will be needed sooner than you initially anticipated. That fit
two days ago."
Lelouch glared, finally pulling hard enough to get the back to close. She
didn't need a mirror to know that her cleavage was spilling out of the low
neckline. The dress was binding, reminding her of all the times she concealed
her chest in the Zero costume. She wasn't sexist to think that her gender would
make her any less revered. It was just simpler to make Zero into a male
character.
She ate silently, half expecting her brother to have fallen asleep. It appeared
to be night already. The starved way she consumed rice porridge brought back
memories. Schneizel's excuse that she was ill appeared to be well received. She
expected the food to be better for them than most of the meals she ate as Zero.
Before she disappeared the Black Knights still took turns cooking. It was one
of the few times she felt like a comrade, rather than a game master. C.C. used
to joke that she could easily acquire new recruits once a month with her
culinary skills. Tamaki's spending habits weren't needed whoa the newbies those
days.
Schniezel's light snoring brought her back to the present. Her only previous
partner was Suzaku, so it would be a stretch to say all men were the same. She
didn't have much to compare. Still, dozing off after rough sex seemed to be a
stereotype. The only time Schneizel didn't was when - She subconsciously rubbed
her wrists. There wouldn't be bruises. There would, however, be a bite mark on
her right breast.
As if the eye patch wasn't enough of a sign, he had to prove his ownership in a
more carnal fashion. Lelouch couldn't decide if it was better or worse than a
wedding ring. Schneizel might call her his wife; she didn't say any vows.
Lelouch wasn't a religious person so saying such promises "before God,"
wouldn't bother her. Not saying them at all would be preferable if not for the
child being a bastard in that case. She snorted at the silly thought. She
carried a bastard inbred fetus.
After a few minutes she felt comfortable enough to take a few books off the
bookshelf, revealing a small screen. It was fortunate that her old room was
chosen to house them. It would have been easier if Rakshata didn't rewrite the
whole platform after Zero's death. Someone must not believe her dead otherwise
there would be no point to lock out the administrative ID number. Lelouch
managed to access the secured email the night before. Most of the mission
reports were left unfinished or never entered, assuming the Black Knights
really were still active. The last entry was her's regarding the plan of attack
for the Black Rebellion R2.
Her eyes widened at the small alert in the corner. Lelouch managed to retrieve
all the messages Jeremiah sent in her absence, which read more like a diary
than correspondence. He spent the first two months scouring Tokyo undoing all
her geass orders, and caring for Anya Alstreim, the Knight of Six. His last
message said the two of them settled down to work on an orange farm.
"It's fitting, my lady, that I spend the rest of my days atoning for the
actions of you and your mother harvesting my namesake. Anya is enjoying
herself. Her ability to remember things improves each day. I still struggle to
believe you are dead. Sometimes I wonder if you found out about your mother
before me, and that's why you ceased your revenge. You are living happily ever
after somewhere with Nunnally. It makes more sense than the alternative."
Her reply explaining the situation wasn't read yet. If Jeremiah kept his
current pattern, her message wouldn't be seen for another week. She doubted he
logged on to check his email for anything other than keeping a journal. If he
defected, there wouldn't be many people to keep in contact. Rolo, C.C., and
Jeremiah were loyal to her, and not the organization.
Her "little brother" didn't use the mainframe often, taking orders from her
directly instead. C.C. laughed at the idea. She was old fashion that way. "The
only great invention of the last two hundred years was pizza." Lelouch had no
way of knowing where her accomplice was by means of modern technology.
The two messages were from Kallen. She was no longer incarcerated. That was
another one of Schneizel's lies. How many are there, Brother? Lelouch hoped not
as many as she kept. Then again, Schneizel appeared to know most of them. Both
he and Kanon hinted that her mishap with the Special Administration Zone was
known. As long as she could keep new ones, he could have the past.
Kallen's messages were characteristically short and to the point. Lelouch's
brief dialog that she was not dead, but captured by Schneizel after an attempt
to meet with Suzaku, was not questioned. Nor was her limited presence on Honari
Island. Lelouch signed the letter "find a way to get to me after I haggle your
release. I should at least keep that promise."
The Honor Guard's replies read like text messages. "What the hell?" was the
first. Several hours later she sent one stating, "I'm here now. Where are you?"
Lelouch sucked in air, hating that she was picking up Schneizel's habits.
There was still no reply from Xingke to convince Kaguya to filibuster during
the voting process. She cursed the setup that only allowed correspondence
between military members.
Schneizel stirred and she quickly turned off the monitor. Lelouch walked back
over to the bed, sitting at the edge. "I'm going to go for a walk." She said,
praying he would simply grunt a response. Of course she wouldn't be so lucky.
His arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her into a tight cuddle.
"No." He murmured, nuzzling his head in her hair. "I can't sleep without you."
He clumsily pulled off her dress complaining that the material "wasn't as soft
as her skin." Her plan to wait him out and leave anyway was thwarted by the
relaxing circles he drew on her back and a constant state of fatigue.
Schneizel's annoyed admittance of "You win," startled her awake the next
morning, or rather early afternoon. Her body could never get enough sleep;
fifteen hours and Lelouch was still groggy. She watched him pace with through
half closed eyes, tempted to roll over and throw the covers over her head. She
was too nauseous to deal with him. Whatever she won, her prize should be
solitude.
"Kaguya Sumeragi has been reading from the Japanese to English dictionary all
morning. I'm tempted to order a FLEIJA attack just to shut her up." Lelouch
grunted, not really listening to the conversation. "Without you the Black
Knights are severely disorganized, and with smaller numbers. Even without the
Damocles being fully operational, I could take them." She grunted again,
sensing his pause was an appropriate place for a response. "There are other
options than to use your geass."
"Do what you want," she mumbled, turning over to face the wall. Her normally
sharp intellect was dulled. It took several seconds for her to sit up, eyes
wide. "I mean -" the sudden movement was too much. She lunged from the bed,
racing for the bathroom. Schneizel held her hair back as she vomited.
He waited until she prompted to continue. "You will take my place after
intermission. Suzaku will accompany you. I will only remove your eye patch for
the duration of the meeting, which should be over quickly after you ensure
Britannia maintains a super majority."
"Why?"
"You are arguing with me now? This was your idea." He smiled, hooking a lock of
hair behind her ear.
"No." She croaked, standing to get a drink of water and put some food in he
stomach. A tray of easy to digest breakfast was placed on the table. "Won't you
trust me after? I could give you a stupid command like, 'open the door for me,'
or something. Then I would only need the eye patch around other people. I don't
want you to be afraid of me any longer."
"Preventing your obedience geass is only one of the functions. I will not
remove it. Do not ask me again." Schneizel tapped his fingers against his leg,
obviously sensing he said too much. "Will you accept that?"
Lelouch didn't answer. Once again she couldn't find the right words to say with
him. Refusal would be the most honest response. She didn't want to accept that.
It was just another one of Schneizel's manipulations. The way her heart melted
when he said, "everything I do is to save you," was ignored. If she were
generous, she could say it was a half-truth. Another white lie. She wanted to
believe there was a reason for his actions she didn't know.
Schneizel helped her find a dress that fit better. It was the Euphie inspired
ensemble; the only one that laced in the back, making the size more adjustable.
Lelouch prayed that wasn't an omen. She usually avoided mirrors. That didn't
stop her from peeking at her reflection that was hardly comparable to the last
time she stood in this room.
Zero mask notwithstanding, the person in the mirror was unlike what she
expected. Her hair used to styled in a trendy chin length cut. Even without her
chest binder, there wasn't much to brag about in that department. C.C. always
said her best assets were her legs, which were more often than not showing in
gold trimmed black slacks, or white shorts. Nowadays the only time her legs
were visible was when she was naked, or wearing one of Schneizel's shirts.
Pregnancy and vitamins caused her hair to grow more than three inches in three
months. Even her eyes changed, well, the right one anyway. It wasn't vacant. It
didn't sparkle. Lelouch wasn't certain she could describe the depth that stared
back. Even if she could meet with Kallen, would her friend recognize her? Lulu
ran her fingers over the light purple teeth marks before clasping the Vesica
Piscis at her neck. It wasn't the same shade as her eye patch or her dress. If
the dress still fit like it once did, fabric would have covered the mark.
Schneizel moved to stand behind her. He brushed her hair out of the way and
bent to lightly kiss the rapid pulse at her neck. Their eyes met in the mirror.
Maybe Tamaki replaced it with a funhouse mirror because even her brother looked
like a stranger holding her. Gino was right. They did make a cute, but
exorbitant couple. The White and Black Kings.
"I'm trusting you."
The way he said those words sent shivers down her spine. Schneizel led her out
of the room like a parent would a child, or perhaps a much older sibling left
with the job of guardianship. Their relationship was much too complicated. He
used her body against her, shattered her mind into a million pieces, and
somehow managed to do it with the air of compassion. She hated him. So why was
the thought of going against him so frightening?
This was exactly what she wanted. Her goal was to be free of the eye patch to
gain control of the council, not for Schneizel, but for herself. She would
attain blind obedience, winning back her Black Knights in the process. She
could match Schneizel again. Hell, she could geass Schneizel into submission
too. She could win.
That thought shouldn't send her into a panic. She hated him. He was crueler
than the one who sired him. His murmured "I love you," shouldn't make her want
to change her trajectory, or want to stand with him rather than against. She
was insane. That was the only logical explanation for her actions.
When he unlocked her shackle outside the council room, she didn't turn to geass
him. It wasn't just because Suzaku met them at the door. Schneizel handed the
eye patch to him, like temporarily transferring ownership. The comparison made
her sick.
She stepped into the outdoor council chamber with raven hair covering her red
eye. Her gaze was straight ahead, observing any obstacle that would cause her
to trip. Lelouch resisted the urge to wipe her sweaty palms on her dress. There
was no reason to be nervous. Her power was used so much that it evolved to a
constant state. She knew how to use it then too, both with a Zero mask and
contacts. The day Nunnally became Vicereine; she wandered the streets with her
eye exposed, giving random orders. There was no reason to feel unease. She had
ample experience destroying things.
Her own blood, sweat, and tears didn't build those things though. The UFN
represented everything she fought to achieve. A democracy built for the weak
that should have been immune to a tyranny of the majority. Zero didn't even
have a seat, opting instead to be subservient to the laws created. She was CEO
of the Black Knights. The council needed to vote before she could make a move.
She limited her power in order to preserve her ideals.
Ideals thrown to the wind when she plotted to take over the council for her own
benefit. It was even sadder that she was going to order them in the name of
Schneizel. Her hands shook as she stepped up on the podium, ready to fulfill
the Prime Minister's request of a final word before Kaguya continued her lesson
on foreign language.
The announcement that "Lulu El Britannia was to speak in lieu of her husband,
Schneizel El Britannia" sounded distant. Lelouch glanced in the chairwoman's
direction, and let her eyes wander over the other members of the council. They
were about to be destroyed. Everything she worked so hard for was going to be
given to her brother.
Lelouch's eyes found Kallen towards the back, hovering near the exit as
security personnel. She walked right past the teenager and didn't notice. More
importantly, Kallen didn't notice her. Lelouch really had become
unrecognizable. Feeling the attention, Kallen pulled herself away from the
forced conversation with Suzaku. The honor guard's eyes widened, and she
attempted to sprint to the center of the room.
Time slowed as Lelouch took a deep breath, turning her gaze away from Kallen
before Suzaku grabbed hold of the captain of the Zero Guard's arm. Her fingers
tingled with heightened sensitivity as she hooked the large section of silken
stands behind her ear. The room became grainy and hard to discern with a red
hue as words spilled from her lips. She wasn't having an episode, but it was
hard to comprehend regardless. She wanted to stop, to think of another plan
that wouldn't involve complete abandonment of everything she stood for.
She was right that this would create a gentler world too. It wouldn't involve
any bloodshed. Still, she wondered if it was the right course of action. Was it
better to die free? Should she have convinced him to use the Damocles to demand
submission instead? Her hands were already dripping with blood. The addition
would have just blended right in.
"On behalf of the Britannian Empire, I, Lulu El Britannia, have a request.
Accept Britannia's super majority over the council! Now vote!"
Kallen's hard slap on Suzaku's face echoed louder than the unanimous "yes, your
Highness." Lelouch didn't bother to make a grand speech about "playing
democracy." That ideal was murdered with her words just then. The two members
of the student council ceased their altercation the moment her heel touched
level ground. Geass was absolute. Without Jeremiah there was no way to undo
what was done. He wouldn't go against her either, so that was a moot point.
Lelouch was grateful for Kallen's grip on her lace shawl when she was out of
eyesight of the rest of the council that were now busy voting. Her legs were
shaking so bad she wasn't certain she could walk any farther. The redhead
pushed her face obnoxiously close to Lelouch's, glaring at that red eye.
"What the hell did you just do, Lulu?" Despite her shorter stature, Kallen
could easy intimidate when she tried.
"I forced the council to vote in favor of Britannia keeping its current
population shares. Weren't you listening?" Lelouch deadpanned, glancing back at
Suzaku. His nonexistent defense didn't surprise her. "What would you have had
me do, Kallen?"
"What?" Kallen whispered. He grip slackened and she backed away. "What?!"
"What would you have me do, Kallen?" Lelouch's persona threatened to shatter
from her friend's judgmental gaze.
"That's wrong. You're supposed to tell me what to do. Should I attack with the
Gurren? Should I play decoy? Should I go up against Suzaku?" She pointed at the
only observer without red rings over their eyes. "You're Zero! I would have
done whatever you told me to do to prevent this!"
"I don't know what to do." Lelouch's features and voice were crestfallen. She
didn't know if it was another manipulative trick or real. Underneath her masks,
there might not be anything left. "I don't know what to do."
"Lulu..." Kallen watched in horror as Suzaku finally moved to put the eye patch
back into place. Lelouch stood perfectly still as her ex lover adjusted her
hair around the accessory. "Suzaku, what did you do to her?"
"I didn't do anything." Lelouch could feel his hands trembling against her
skull.
"Sometimes that's even worse." She mumbled. Her hands stroked her stomach. "I'm
pregnant." There was no reason to bring it up. Perhaps she said it because
there was someone other than Schneizel to talk to about it.
"I thought you said you didn't do anything." Kallen glared. Suzaku backed away.
Lelouch couldn't see his face, but she guessed he didn't know either. "It's
Schneizel's."
Kallen's eyes widened. It should have been obvious. Lelouch didn't know why she
assumed Suzaku other than habit. She glanced at her ex, who attempted to drill
holes in the floor with his gaze. He felt shame for the child, and not giving
her to Schneizel as a sex doll? He had a warped sense of morality.
"When the conference is over, I'm seeing a doctor. I just found out a couple
days ago. There wasn't time." She continued. "I'm always tired, nauseous,
everything smells more potent -"
"You actually have boobs now."
"That too." Lelouch sighed. "I was just - he's - Kallen. I don't know what to
do."
Lelouch accepted the embrace. It wasn't mixed with lies or deceit. She glanced
up at Suzaku, who just ran away again. He told Kallen to "bring her back to the
guest suite," and left.
***** Sir Suzaku Kururugi II *****
Puff pieces comparing the 99th Emperor, Schneizel El Britannia, to the
mythological King Arthur began circulating during his Majesty's lifetime. I
believe this trend began when photos of the wedding to his first, and only
wife, Lulu El Britannia leaked onto the wireless. The woman was already by his
side at the time of his succession, however, the photos appear to be taken at a
later date. There is also a possibility that the most famous photo (figure 89)
was a vow renewal of some sort, and that was why it was never publicized. The
couple held strong that their original vows were taken outside of the
limelight, so a renewal presumably would be also.
Like most of the Imperial Couple's wardrobe, the articles were ornate. His
Majesty's suit was obviously inspired by the intricate links of chainmail. The
deep purple lines on the under robes, contrasted white, and matched his coat
and sash. Paired with his shoulder length blond hair, and broad build, he
looked like he stepped out of a mythology lesson. The Empress, who in all other
photos is wears a black eye patch, is shown either without, or a much toned
down accessory. The amethyst adored chains are missing from view. Her long
raven hair covers the side of her face as she turned to her husband, shying
away from the camera. Her clothing also looks to be inspired by medieval times.
More so than their sense of style, the ruling should be the focus. To quote my
late great, great grandfather, Rivalz Cardemone, "peace was brought to the
world with the Damocles, but more so, her beauty. The Empress could control the
world with a single word from those red lips." I suppose people will always be
attracted to the superficial, rather than nitty gritty details of military
operations and politics. Then again, listening to old records of her voice, it
really was enchanting.
I feel compelled to mention the second man pictured, who, due to some
controversy, is often overlooked historically. To the side we see Lord Jeremiah
Gottwald, restored to his title of nobility after an alleged alliance with the
terrorist Zero. Whether due to that controversy, or another secret, he is often
seen in the shadows, but always close the Imperial Family. In another,
abridged, journal entry Sir Kururugi writes:
"I may be the Knight of One, but it is title only. It is a title that has
already been bought and paid for. The true protector of the Royal Family is
Gottwald. He shields them in a way that I never would be able to bear. It's
jealousy. I want to be the father of her children. I spend most of my days in
Japan now, going to Pendragon for events only, or stolen moments. It is for the
best. I wouldn't be able to protect the man I am sworn to in order to create
the facade of a happy family."
Rather than the Emperor's virtuous nature, it is this scandal that makes this
period of Britannian history so sought after. Perhaps it is a demon of peace,
that interpersonal relationships are given attention. The names of the
technology used, the folklore/conspiracy theories of Dr. Daniel Jackson
regarding the defeat of a supernatural force, mention of Lady Sera (preferred
name C.C.) as a sorceress, and the death of his majesty are only aid this
comparison. Still, it is titles like 'A Love Reincarnate: Suzaku and Lulu,
Lancelot and Guinevere,' that become bestsellers. Depictions such as this are
doomed to live on Library Bookshelves, untouched unless used for academic
research. I highly doubt the addition of my grandparents' dementia rambles will
alter that fate.
Speaking of grandpa Rivalz and Grandma Milly, they were still alive when these
rumors began circulating. Thanks to advances in medical technology their bodies
lived over a century. Their minds are another topic of debate. I regret not
recording our conversations (I was five when they died), considering Milly used
to talk of the Empress as if the two were childhood friends. Her statement that
"Lulu would have found this funny, considering the cat's name was Arthur. Now
that I think about it, the feline died shortly before their first son was born.
I wonder if she did it on purpose. She always had an odd sense of humor.
Lancelot and Guinevere. That seems almost perfect for them, except their love
was before she became Empress, and her relation would be that of Lady
Morgause," proved possible.
Most records of the Empress's love for the Knight vanished, if they ever
existed in the first place. Sir Kururugi's journals provide most of the
speculation on whether or not it was one-sided or mutual. All of his personal
entries are rarely dated, and sporadic. The leather bound pages functioned more
as a log than his thoughts. His time acting as advisor to the Vicereine surely
influenced this habit.
One of the few entries with a date appears at the same time as the Emperor's
rise to power. Dated October 5th, 2018, this entry is from the day following
Britannia's acceptance as a member of The United Federate Nations. Some
speculate that since this around the time Kururugi experimented with drugs the
woman mentioned is a figment of his hallucinations. He says so himself in
several occasions. Still, I can't help but wonder if there is more to the story
than what is written. History is always told in favor of the ruling party. That
is not conspiracy theory so much as a fact. If the woman did exist and was
indeed the Empress, it would explain why he fell into depression at a time that
should be rejoiced. That notion is too close to conspiracy, however. Refrain
has been shown to alter a person's ability to decipher fact from fiction. It is
possible Sir Kururugi, who was said to "share a strange relation towards Zero
due to the terrorist allegedly saving Kururugi's life, (See chapter 11 for more
details) morphed multiple personalities into one person when the drug was in
his system.
I wonder if Lloyd could build a time machine. Where would I go? You used to
love playing 'What Would you Choose?" You probably don't any longer. Now that I
think about it, you haven't for a while. You never suggested it after the seven
year time-skip, and you stopped playing all together after Toudoh's escape.
Only Nunnally and I played; you would sit and read. That should have been the
first sign that something was wrong. When we would sit in my parents'
storehouse on rainy days that was all you wanted to play. If you couldn't
exercise your body (something you begrudgingly did to appease me), then you
might as well exercise your mind pondering complex situations.
Maybe it was because your life was complex enough already.
One would think that I would choose to go back to where it all began. I would
stop myself from killing my father. He would have called for an all out
resistance. The Chinese Federation might have come to our aide. Japan never
would have become Area 11, and you never would have become Zero. I never would
have become a Knight. This tragic love story never would've begun. Then again
who am I to change history that much? Why do I feel like I have that power?
That desire, or need? I've thought about that decision for eight years. I
wouldn't change it.
Should I have skipped out on my court-martial? What would have happened if I
took your hand in that abandon opera house? I never would've piloted the
Lancelot again. I never would've become a Knight of the Rounds. I never
could've changed anything from the inside. My father's death would have been
meaningless. Maybe I could've stopped some of the decisions you made though. I
could have prevented myself from hating you, because you would never of done
anything to make me hate you. Zero could've actually been the person you wanted
to be. It wouldn't be all propaganda and lie. I'm giving myself too much
credit. More likely than not, I just would have fallen into darkness sooner,
and with you.
At least then I would be with you.
There are too many instances where I could have turned back. The farther I
travelled on my path, the harder it would have been. It's silly to mention
anything past this point. Our fates were sealed when I rejected you. The only
other place there was a fork in the road was on Shikinejima. I could have
joined you then. You tore open the scars of my past, retelling the murder of my
father with detached accuracy. I honestly don't know what I would have done if
that call never came in. You've always had a way with words. Even without
magic, you could convince me of anything. If you took off that helmet, I never
would have tried to die with you. I didn't want to be Romeo and Juliet those
days. Your command to "live" wouldn't have been needed.
Here I am blaming you for everything again. I really never grow up, do I? I
make excuses for all my actions. The only time I tried to act like an adult was
when I gave my Knight of Honor broach back to Euphie.
She made me a better person, unlike you.
I think I would have chosen to hold you instead of running away. It would have
been selfish; I'm always selfish. I tried not to be when I left you with
Kallen. She probably comforted you better than I could. We were never good at
that. When I was panicking on the ground in the school chapel, the day Mao
revealed my patricide, my secret... you said, "that lie was needed." Everything
is a lie with you. I swear you love them more than the truth.
You would have felt small in my arms despite our similar size. I made you
small. I took everything from you in order to build myself up. I have no right
to hold you, or tell you that I still love you. Even touching your hair felt
sinful. My hands trembled as I smoothed it away from the lock, making sure none
got tangled. Was it always so soft? Or is that a result of what he did to you?
It's better that I ran away. Who am I to assume that you were even in mourning?
You always wanted to be a mother... The mother you never had. The mother I
wanted you to be. Here I am being selfish again.
I would have liked to be the father of your child, and not only to enjoy the
act of conception.
Rin.
That's the name I would've picked. It's a girl's name, but before the war it
was getting trendy enough to be considered unisex. If I close my eyes I can
picture her. She has your hair, and my eyes. Unlike Kallen, who inherited
mostly Britannian features, Rin would be a perfect mix. It's because in my
dreams she is born after Japan is freed. Thankfully, my subconscious never
speculates if that was by your doing or mine.
Darkness.
Why is that the name I chose for our child? Was it an omen? Or is it just
because I loved to play with your hair so much? It doesn't matter anyway. I
don't deserve that luxury. At some point I've made you a martyr in my mind.
It's a different pedestal than the one you sat upon previously. It's even
higher, and more unattainable.
I struggle wishing for your happiness. If you are happy, I will suffer. If you
are suffering then I do too. Maybe it is not your misery that will save Japan,
but my own. I like that idea. Then I will be paying for my crimes and you will
be happy. Happy with your brother and your product of incest. (This sentence is
omitted in most translations.) My hands are shaking now. It's becoming harder
to write. Visions of the past dance before the page like faeries promising me
peace.
I seek escape.
I cannot die.
Refrain.
A Long time ago, Nunally, you, and I talked about something. We wondered what
happiness would look like if we could give it a physical form. I said that the
shape of happiness might resemble glass. Even though you don't usually notice
it, its still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view
slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light.
The vile that held the liquid now coursing through my veins is made of glass.
It's sparkling in the light. Your eyes are sparkling too. I see you sitting
next to me as you once were. You are ten. I am eighteen. I shouldn't want to
kiss you. That is all I would do. Maybe run my fingers through your hair. I've
tried - they go right through. You are an illusion.
The age difference is still two years less than you and him. I would never do
to you what he did.
(At this point the characters become so sloppy I dare not try to translate
them.)
Sometimes I hope that this entry, like the one placed in the intro of this
book, is a forgery. Then again, the Knight's use of the psychotropic drug
appears to be limited. Based on his journal entries, and ability to function
properly in society, we can speculate it was used less than a handful of times,
and spread out. If Sir Kururugi truly did have a love affair with Lulu, either
prior to her private marriage to Schneizel El Britannia, or during the couple's
union, it would make sense that her pregnancy would affect him negatively.
***** Nunnally *****
Lelouch was positively shocked that Suzaku left her to her own devices. She
stood shelled shocked after he stormed out the council chamber, only moving
when Kallen tugged on her wrist saying "let's get out of here." With the damage
done, there was no reason to stay until the end of the vote. It would be viewed
as rude, but what was the worst that could happen? Schneizel would get a bad
reputation for being a stuck up asshole. It wouldn't be too far off. Most of
his diplomatic negotiations ended with him acting smug. Some of the EU
representatives surely remembered that part of his personality.
She allowed herself to be dragged down the pier, expecting Kallen to throw her
off the ledge once they were out of sight. Lelouch couldn't swim. It wasn't
just another one of her excuses to get out of gym class. The few times that
Shirley attempted to couch her ended miserably. Kallen was present during the
last one; Milly made it a student council event. Thankfully, it wasn't a school
wide event. Lelouch probably wouldn't have agreed in that case.
"Should I say 'congratulations?" Kallen asked when the pair was safely located
in the farthest corner of the shipping district.
"That's the appropriate response." Lelouch said. When it was clear Kallen
wasn't going to try to murder her, she plopped down on a nearby shipping crate.
"Appropriate? It's your brother's baby!" [1]
"Half-brother," Lelouch corrected even though it was of little significance.
"You're crazy."
Lelouch's laugh wouldn't help any argument in favor of her sanity. Her cackle
didn't cause Kallen to tremble. She heard to before. Usually it was reserved
for C.C. alone those days, when Lelouch still cared about maintaining an
appearance of power. That laugh didn't usually morph into sobbing, or unloading
grief. Even when Kallen found her with refrain, Lelouch seemed more put
together. At least then there was an easy way out: get up and fight. With
Congress now in Britannia's control, fighting would a double-edged sword.
"Don't be so surprised." Lelouch mumbled when she found herself once again in
Kallen's embrace. The words spilled out of her mouth on their own accord.
Lelouch left no detail out, as much as she would have liked to stop talking.
Her experiences came up like word vomit; she couldn't stop. Speaking it out
loud brought a sense of equanimity. To her credit, Kallen didn't react, and
just listened, leaning back to stare at the bite mark.
Lelouch felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips at the far off look in her
friend's eyes. She picked up a rock and pushed herself up off the shipping
crate. It was odd to be in her spot with Kallen again. Besides the topic of
conversation, Lelouch could have assumed nothing changed. She dropped the rock
off the ledge, watching it fall and splash. The ripples were too far away for
her to accurately watch the effect the disturbance made on the sea. It was an
indistinguishable blur, like everything else in her life.
"Remember when I accidentally found you sulking in the storage room right
before the battle at Port Yokosha?" Kallen asked, looking up at the other
female. Even with the heels discarded by her seat, Lelouch stood several inches
taller. "This reminds me of that."
"Why? Because you think I'm at the point of no return? I would say it's more
like when you found me at Shinjuku Ghetto with refrain. I won't suggest you
sleep with me this time though. Besides. It's not completely over."
"How so?" Kallen inquired, brow furrowed.
"My command was to 'accept Britannia's super majority.' At the moment, that is
sixty percent. It's not a full two-thirds. Not yet, anyway. I expect that to
change. I wouldn't be surprised if the remaining nations become part of the
Empire, rather than join independently. It really wouldn't even be a hard
sell." Lelouch rolled an amethyst between her fingers, absently noting that the
texture was dissimilar to a typical gemstone. She usually avoided touching them
so it never was brought to her attention before. "I wouldn't even have to be
convincing.
"Kaguya still has the power to veto, which would bring any proposal back to
congress. However, at this time population does not determine voting rights.
It's just one vote per state. My guess is that Schneizel already has a plan to
remedy this. If it were I, I would wait until I acquired the extra six percent,
and then suggest Kaguya be impeached for some mundane reason. With a two-thirds
majority, it wouldn't even matter if every other member voted to keep her. I
would then name myself the new chairwoman after a proper vote on the subject.
"Anyone with half a brain can see that democracy is now dead. I wouldn't be
surprised if some states pull their representatives. I only wrote the policies
for the USJ; some have the power to switch out politicians at will. It would be
inconsequential, but would probably make the citizens complacent. If not there
is a chance of the UFN falling apart, and succumbing to civil war. The Black
Knights wouldn't be going against their ideals if the citizens demanded the new
government be stripped of power already."
"Are you telling me to start a revolution against a government that isn't even
a year old?"
"I'm not Zero, Kallen. I can't tell you what to do."
"I think you are going to make my head explode." Kallen complained, rubbing her
temples. "Let's turn back before it's too late. I mean. Shit, Lulu. This is
fucked up on so many levels. You, C.C., and me can raise the kid together on
some remote Island somewhere. What you're suggesting would result in a blood
bath."
"Do you know where C.C. is?" Lelouch asked, hopeful to find her accomplice.
Pouring her heart out to Kallen, and explaining politics didn't leave much
space for the other girl to play informant.
"No," Kallen moved to lean against the railing too before continuing. "She
disappeared right after the failed attempt to take Tokyo, right around when
Schneizel paid us a visit. Rolo left to go look for her, but I think she got
spooked once all the bad mouthing about you started."
"You still tried the Black Rebellion?"
"Wow. You really don't know. It's weird for me to have to explain something to
you." Kallen whispered, and told her story in a normal tone that sounded like
one of Milly's news reports.
"Ohgi wasn't sure what to do. There was dissension among the Black Knights. A
lot of the seasoned members thought it was like last time; we should wait you
out. It was better for you to disappear before the battle than during. The
soldiers that became assimilated with the UFN declaring one military presence
had no clue what to think. The news reports of your death were insulting.
"Touhdo and Xingke took opposite sides.
"Toudoh, being there at the last strike against Tokyo, believed that it was a
good thing that you went missing. He was planning a coup, apparently, anyway.
The only difference was that his plan was being put into place without
resistance. Ohgi wasn't ready to be thrust into that position of power though.
It's been three years since Naoto's death, and almost two years since Zero
first gave orders on that cheap walkie-talkie. Maybe he felt he needed a time
for mourning, or to get his bearings. It was a lot easier to be the leader when
we were some rinky-dink rebel group.
"Xingke didn't have a stance on the Liberation of Japan, per say; he did
mention that the longer we were in a stalemate, the more of a chance Britannia
had to build up its forces. There is a reason war is usually declared right
before the first strike. Waiting around would only cause a Cold War. The few
neutral countries left would become battlefields due to the influence Britannia
and the UFN had on the state of the world. Eventually your brother would find a
way to break away from said stalemate. I guess one of the reasons the Chinese
Federation was going to sell the Tianzi to Britannia was because of that
research on weapons of mass destruction. Noble titles for the Eunuchs were just
the icing on the cake."
"That's always the best part," Lelouch mumbled.
"After a few days, Rakshada was able to hack into your administrative account
on the secured cloudshare. She found a lot of things she didn't want to talk
about until later. You kept a lot of information about geass in there. The only
thing she brought to Ohgi was your detailed brainstorming and plans regarding
the initial strike against Tokyo. That understanding of the city's
infrastructure, and Xingke's military prowess, gave Ohgi the courage to move
out of international oceans.
"I don't really know all the details though. I was locked up in that cell
during all this. Nothing like your gilded cage, but I did get pretty dresses."
Lelouch's snort was hardly the laugh that Kallen was hoping for. "Anyway.
During the battle Sayoko busted me out, giving me a change of clothes and the
key to the Gurren. Professor Lloyd must have poured all the grief for
destroying the Shinkirō into it, since it was in peak condition.
"We followed your original plan to take Nunnally from the Vicereine's palace.
At that point it was more to have a political hostage though... I went up
against Suzaku in my Gurren. He had a prototype of a FLEIJA strapped to the
Lancelot. We didn't know what it was. I went at him with everything I had, and
-"
"Kallen," Lelouch held onto the railing for dear life. "Where's Nunnally now?"
"I'm so sorry, Lulu. Thirty-five million people died."
"I don't care how many people died!" She snapped, slouching to rest her head on
the cold steel. Lelouch's legs couldn't support her weight. Her knees buckled.
"Just tell me where Nunnally is right now. How many cranes has she made? How is
her electric wheelchair holding up? I bought it refurbished, you know. I should
get her a better one. God knows I can afford it now. I'm not gambling every
penny in order to avoid taking advantage of Reuben's kindness anymore." Her
voice got softer with each word.
"Nunnally's dea -"
"Don't you dare say it!" Lelouch screamed. Her throat burned with the force of
her voice, or maybe she was going to vomit again. She felt nauseous and dizzy.
The world was spinning, but she wasn't drunk or about to have an episode. If
she weren't so distraught, Lelouch would have laughed that she actually wanted
to have one then. At least it would make Kallen stop talking. It was all lies.
She had enough lies from Schneizel. "Schneizel promised to protect her. He
wouldn't lie to me. Not about Nunnally."
"She died, Lulu. There was nothing left. Jeremiah searched everywhere. I'm so
sorry."
Kallen's eyes were tearing up. Lelouch couldn't cry. She refused to cry because
that meant it was true. Nunnally was dead. That was unbelievable. It couldn't
be true; everything would be pointless. Without Nunnally there would be no
gentler world. The last two years of her life were wasted. She could have spent
that time with Nunnally instead of scattered hours between school and leading
the Black Knights. Every time Lelouch left the apartment attached to the
Student Council Clubhouse, she thought about a future where they could be
together without worry. That was why she abandoned everything to be Zero full
time once her and Nunnally were separated. There was nothing to keep her at
school. Not to the extent as before. She did still care for the student
council.
"How many days after my capture exactly?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Just tell me. It doesn't matter. So just tell me."
"Four? Maybe five? I'm not exactly sure."
That would place Nunnally's death around the same time that her and Schneizel
first fucked. When Lelouch was passed out from expensive wine and sinful sex
there was a battle going on that decided the fate of the world. Her world was
destroyed. Was that what Suzaku was trying to tell me? His eyes were sparkling
with insanity that day. He looked like when his repressed memories regarding
his father were forced to surface. He looked like he killed someone he loved
dearly. Lelouch was conceited to think he was so upset about her bruises.
Suzaku probably enjoyed them.
She wouldn't believe it. Her brother was cruel, crueler than the one who sired
him, however, even that was too far reaching. He knew what Nunnally meant. It
was just another one of his tricks. How else was he to shield Nunnally other
than to hide her? That was it. Nunnally was just tucked away somewhere like
her.
"It's not true."
"Lelouch." Kallen said her full name like a parent. She closed her eyes to calm
her frustration and shame, taking several shaking breaths. "Why would I lie?"
"I'm done talking about this."
The silence that followed was anything but comfortable. Kallen's attempt to
console Lelouch again was denied. She pulled away, preferring to be supported
by the railing. It didn't matter anyway; Nunnally was still alive. Lelouch
blindly stared at the sea as saline spilled down her cheeks. She didn't sob.
Liquid just poured out of her tear ducts as she knelt motionless on the cement,
soundlessly weeping.
Lelouch didn't notice her stomach growl. She didn't notice Kallen leave and
come back with food either. Time truly was not finite. If her behavior were due
to Rolo, his heart would have stopped already. She accepted the sandwich Kallen
held out not out of hunger, but because it wasn't worth the argument. Lelouch
wasn't able to make up for missed meals by binge eating. She needed to gain
weight, something that she always struggled with doing. The contents were
tasteless, and so was the juice. A second helping was still accepted. Kallen
probably would have shoved it in her mouth otherwise.
It was well past afterglow by the time Lelouch left the pier.
Kallen's attempt to lighten the mood by bringing pizza for dinner "in honor of"
C.C. was taken "in memory" of her accomplice instead. The woman obviously
wasn't dead. The only persons powerful enough to take her code were the Emperor
and Lelouch. If the former ever got his massive hands on the witch, the reality
would shift to another plane of existence. Still, whether her body remained
animated or not, the last time Lelouch was in C.C.'s presence she had forgotten
everything to the point where she asked to be called her human name, Sera. [2]
Lelouch still had no ambitions to talk, as much as she wished for information
previously; the sunset deserved her full attention. It was real, and not
created by a computer program. The colors were outside her control, and so was
the duration. Lelouch couldn't turn back the dial in order to keep the light
pinks, purples, and warm golds at peak perfection. Shades of blue overwhelmed
the sky too quickly. Nautical twilight became Astro, and she pulled her legs
closer to her chest in order to preserve body heat. The concrete had long
previously made her butt sore and chilled.
Her limbs were stiff from the cold and inactivity when she finally permitted
Kallen to help her stand. The bones in her feet cracked as she walked to
retrieve her shoes, opting to hold them by the heel rather than wearing. Her
body shivered from the frigid air, but that couldn't compare to the
insurmountable cold of her heart. If Nunnally was dead then so was she. Lelouch
lived for her little sister.
Without Nunnally there was just Schneizel and two pink lines. Lelouch stroked
her stomach as she sulked back to her quarters. As much as she loved those
lines, her family would be incomplete. The baby needed her aunt, and Lelouch
needed her sister. It had to be a misunderstanding. Schneizel wouldn't do that
to her. He wouldn't use a FLEIJA in a battle over Tokyo Settlement. Then again,
he was quite drunk that night. In his endeavor to intoxicate her, he drank his
fair share of wine. It was obvious by his words and his actions. Her brother
tempted instead of conquered.
"Where were you?" Schneizel asked, running his hand through his hair, the
moment she entered the room.
She ignored him when he stepped away from the window to stand before her. It
was only when he cupped he chin, lifting her head up to coerce eye contact,
that she acknowledged him. His body heat burnt. It was searing her skin, and
more unwanted than the tropical temperature of the space. He thwarted her
motion to pull away, holding her steady. His thumb caressed her cheek while he
searched her exposed eye.
Lelouch wasn't in the mood for a silent conversation. She desired it even less
than a verbal one. "The pier," she finally whispered, hoping that was enough of
an explanation.
"You're shaking and your skin is icy. I'll run you a bath. You will catch a
cold being out after dark dressed like that."
She tensed, pushing her hands on his chest when he leaned in for a kiss. He
paused at the rejection, face inches from hers. His breath was hot and smelled
like scotch and steak. He didn't eat delicious pizza for dinner. He whispered
her name, confused by the rejection, before trying again. Lelouch struggled
with more force, but it was of no avail. His lips pressed against hers,
coaxing.
The hold on her chin relaxed when she stilled. He naturally expected her to
reciprocate. His lips parted, seeking to deepen the peck. Lelouch did what she
should have the first day. She bit him. Her teeth sunk into his tongue hard
enough to draw blood.
Schneizel startled, releasing her. He swore and pressed his white sleeve
against a trickle that escaped. Lelouch swallowed the copper taste in her
mouth; mildly surprised it didn't make her nauseous. She would have been
content ending the disturbance there if he didn't grab her wrist when she
sidestepped him.
"It appears I was wrong to trust you." He growled, grimacing as he ingested the
evidence of her attack.
"And I you, Brother." Lelouch's words were venom from her red lips. "Let me go.
Now. I don't need you to dote on me."
"No. Your skin in freezing cold, and you are clearly incapable of making sound
choices." His grip tightened as he reached to untie the back of her dress. It
was impossible for her to be clammy considering her blood was boiling. Her
heart pounded in her ears in fright, resentment, and fury. She spun around,
putting all her body weight into her punch. Amazingly Schneizel stumbled even
if his grip didn't slack. "What the hell has gotten into you?" He bellowed,
catching her second strike.
"Let me go! I hate you! I hate you!" She screamed, wishing she had taken Kallen
up on her offer of accompaniment.
Lelouch cursed her small frame, feeling like an unruly child as she wrestled to
pull away. Schneizel contained her slender wrists, unable to transfer them both
to one hand. He dodged her kick near his groin, tugging her toward the couch.
Her angry yell was nonverbal when he pinned her down. His knees subdued her
flailing legs at her thighs. The floor length dress remained an obstruction
between their bodies, providing Lelouch with a small sense of safety. Her
brother had no means to bunch it up to assault her.
Schneizel's face was contorted with rage only this time she dared to look at
him. Lelouch faced forward instead of turning away; His features didn't terrify
her to the point of submission. On the contrary, she wanted nothing more than
to make his bowstring jaw swollen like his left cheek. She glared daggers as
she spat insults.
"You're a disgusting perverted old man! I hate you! I fucking hate everything
about you! I hope you die a thousand deaths, wreathing in agony! Don't you dare
act like you love me! Whatever fucked up feelings you have for me isn't love!
You're incapable of it; you don't have real emotions!
"That's why you collect interesting people because there is nothing interesting
about you! You have no direction, no drive, and no passion! The only thing you
care about is sex! Even that only entertains you because it shows you that your
body is capable of excitement! You demand submission because you lack control!
You're a shell of a person; apathy wouldn't even describe how pathetic you
are!"
Lelouch thrashed hard enough that he still couldn't transfer her right wrist.
The few times he tried, that hand shot out to attack in conjunction with her
words. His only option was to remain in his current position. Lelouch's arms
were stretched as far as they would go. The pressure of his weight was causing
her limbs to go numb. Her smooth skin rubbed against his palms. If she
continued to struggle much longer, she would cause friction burns.
"Lelouch." That was the second time that day her full name was used. "Stop."
His voice was eerily calm. If she weren't already too far-gone it would have
sent her in the direction of panic. "Now."
"Why? What are you going to do to me, Brother? You've already kidnapped me,
locked me up, and raped me! I'm pregnant with your child; the one you had my
IUD removed in order to conceive! Surely you won't kill me or do anything that
would cause it harm! So what's left?! You've taken everything from me! You've
claimed my body, warped my mind to the point that I was confused whether or not
I could love you, wanting the absence of your torture to be caring!
"I believed you! But you let Nunnally die anyway! Nothing can trounce that!
You've truly robbed me of everything! Even my sister! She didn't deserve to
die! You said you would protect her and I fucking believed you!"
"I didn't kill Nunnally."
"It was Suzaku who detonated the FLEIJA." Lelouch said, anticipating his
response. "That doesn't change the fact that you failed to protect her!"
"I have not. I've kept my promise to you, Lulu."
Lelouch ceased her relentless thrashing.
"Prove it." She demanded. "Let me at least talk to her."
Schneizel finally managed to contain both her wrists in one hand. Lelouch's
fingers tingled, being reawakened from the lightened clutch. He aimlessly
trailed his freed hand down her arm, over her face, stopping to cup her chin
again. "Why? You certainly are not agreeable at the moment." He ran his thumb
over her pursed lips. Lelouch felt a sense of déjà vu in spite of the
dissimilar situation. She closed her eyes and relaxed, feeling his thumb enter
her mouth. It didn't contain the remnants of scotch, however, the taste was
still sour. He ran it over her bottom teeth.
"Good girl." He praised, removing the digit. She swallowed the accumulation of
spit on her own accord. Satisfied with her response, Schneizel moved off the
couch. Lelouch opened her eyes, unsure of what to expect. "Sometimes punishment
is more effective when inflicted at a later date. I always keep my promises,
Dearest Sister."
"Let me see Nunnally. Please." Lelouch resorted to begging. "Please, Schneizel.
Give me a reason to trust you."
He sighed. "I won't reward your behavior." Lelouch fought the urge to scream at
him again. He quirked an eyebrow when she sat up and began undressing. The act
was unceremonious; she couldn't muster up the ability to seduce him. When she
stood naked he pointed to the bathroom. "Go take your shower. Stay in this
room. By God, don't dig yourself a bigger hole by leaving. I'm spending the
night with Kanon."
Lelouch watched him leave with a contradictory sense of relief and foreboding.
This was what she wanted - to be left alone. He was her lifeline though: she
needed him, and not just because of the episodes. If she chose to trust his
word over Kallen's, something that was utterly ridiculous; he was the only one
who knew where Nunnally was located. Kanon knew too, probably, not that he
would go against Schneizel.
She showered quickly, not because her brother told her to, but because her
struggling made her slick with sweat. The whole encounter was horribly
embarrassing, and terribly frightening in hindsight. She was an unimaginative
fool to ask what else he could do to her. Possible futures invaded her mind.
Lelouch removed one of his shirts from the suitcase. The buttons were difficult
to hook; her hands were trembling too much. She managed a few before crawling
into the bed, alone. It was the first time in over two months that she didn't
curl up in the crook of his arms, sandwiching her lower leg between his,
leaving her other one on top.
This wasn't the first time she hit him. Lelouch slapped him before, and even
tried to kill him (a feeble attempt), and he never did any of the things she
was saw behind her eyelids. More likely than not their fight would blow over.
She was hormonal and thought, and might still think Nunnally died. Schneizel
would understand even if he weren't capable of sympathizing. Still, his eerie
calm was more upsetting than rage. It was unreadable.
***** Double Trouble *****
The chafing on Lelouch's wrists was easier to conceal than the bruise on
Schneizel's face. Her sleeves covered the evidence. Schneizel, on the other
hand, was forced to wear makeup. As a male with unblemished skin it wasn't very
obvious. Lelouch only knew because he made her test out the arrangement of
toners on him the next morning. Her excuse that she "didn't wear makeup," was
met with a steel glare.
"Neither does Kanon. I can't very well be seen looking like this, however."
She nodded and experimented with different liquids, powders, and sticks until
the green, purple, and red spot blended in with his ivory skin tone. Her hand
got steadier as time progressed. The trepidation didn't cease; it was only the
external show of it that was covered in addition to the reason. That was a lie.
The mark disappeared. Schneizel's eyes remained terrifying. His gaze bore into
her, but the pastel purple didn't sparkle with affection. She was an animal at
the zoo, and one her keeper realized wasn't domesticated.
Her desire to brag about the punch to Kallen was overshadowed. It wasn't like
it did anything other than get her into trouble. She didn't have the chance,
regardless. After multiple votes taken the day before, all with the same
result, Britannia gained control of congress. That wasn't anything to
celebrate; Schneizel gracefully accepted the news, and declined the begrudging
offer of a reception, using his sick wife as an excuse.
Lelouch bit the inside of her cheek as she was led through the low-key affair,
consisting of her brother's public swearing-in ceremony. Schneizel stood on the
podium next to Kaguya, who looked at his serene face with disbelief, and
betrayal. The two teenagers eyes met and Lelouch felt her traitorous action be
brought to the surface despite the interaction being no more than that. Kaguya
knew. By the way the rest of the representatives acted, she was the only one,
and possibly the Tianzi. It made sense. Kaguya was on personal terms with all
the officers of the Black Knights. She would have heard about Schneizel's
meeting.
It wouldn't take much to connect the dots, realizing that Zero's disappearance,
and the unwilling election were connected. Kaguya knew Lelouch's former
identity. She knew that 'Lulu El Britannia' used geass to force congress to act
against their will. The one who created the UFN slaughtered it. It wouldn't
take a genius to figure that out once the entire puzzle was laid out.
Schneizel smirked, although Lelouch theorized to anyone else the smile appeared
innocent, as he said his oath.
"I, Schneizel El Britannia, Prime Minister of the Britannian Empire, do
solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United
Federate Nations against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear
true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely,
without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and
faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So
help me God." [1]
Lelouch felt sick. She fled the scene, followed by Kanon, where she emptied her
breakfast into the ocean. The Earl awkwardly held her hair back as he gently
scolded her to stop testing Schneizel. He thought they were past that phase.
She would have swatted him away, infuriated by his words, if they weren't so
predictable. Of course the best friend would take sides based on loyalty and
not action. Her only conviction was that there was no one in earshot who would
cause the man to be quiet. The two remained alone long enough for him to
lecture.
The ceremony was over more quickly than it began. Lelouch found her
participation, puking her guts out, the remaining time appropriate. For once
the child found an applicable time to make her violently ill and exhausted. She
tensed when the hand on her back seemed to double in size, and her hair swung
down around her face. "It's over," Schneizel commented.
She thought he would send for the Damocles to pick them up for one last power
play. Lelouch should be flattered, really, that he wasted the opportunity. The
Flying Fortress that landed was the Avalon. It was still probably loaded with
at least one FLEIJA, and could intimidate well enough. His message of control
was meant for her. It became clear, and not merely speculation, when he
casually asked if she agreed to his statement "the Avalon always felt more
cozy."
Her brother's hand remained on her lower back as she dredged through the halls,
stopping at a particular door she remembered. Kanon's excuse that "the Avalon
housed more complete medical facilities," didn't help. Schneizel chose the
location, where her initial medical exam took place, for another reason. At
least the doctor who oversaw the event committed suicide. A middle-aged woman
greeted her. Lelouch remained irritated during her blood and urine samples.
Discovering she gained 5lbs already lifted her mood a tad. That explained why
she felt like the formal wear version of 'fat guy in a little coat,' from the
comedy flick 'Tommy Boy.'
Even with the corset backing completely lose; it was still a tight fit. Lelouch
felt less exposed than expected when the material was lifted to her natural
waist. If she were wearing a shirt and bottoms, the top would only need to be
pushed up slightly, with the bottoms pulled down to her hipbone. Perhaps it was
the different aura from the last time she laid on the exam table, or the
genuine upturn of the woman, Cheryl, mouth. She wore casual clothing, a
hydrangea printed blouse and jeans, with curly dishwater blond hair tied back
in messy bun. In spite of the stark difference in ethnicity, and gender, the
midwife reminded Lelouch of Ohgi. Average. She certainly wasn't one of
Schneizel's usual employees.
Cheryl asked about Lelouch's sleeping, and eating patterns as she light pressed
around Lelouch's lower abdomen, feeling the size and location of her uterus.
Symptoms, both current and projected were rattled off. Her attention remained
on her patient; Schneizel remained standing nearby, but was rarely addressed.
Lelouch liked that. She theorized that the woman was likely picked up
specifically for her homey charm. If it was a standard medical office, and not
a giant facility housing space for everything from operations to check ups,
Lelouch imagined the walls would be filled with stereotypical photos of nature
with inspirational quotes. Some stylized picture of pregnant woman would be
included, considering the profession.
She hissed when a cool gel was squirted not far from her pelvic bone. Cheryl
giggled, apologizing that she should have given warning. The transductor of the
sonogram machine spread the lubricant, and Lelouch had the desire to relieve
herself again when Cheryl pressed it dangerously close to her bladder. Lelouch
stared in awe at the strange grainy black and white image on the monitor. It
didn't look like a baby, or even a mutant alien thing. She didn't know what she
was looking at: grainy grey, with a black blob in the center. Unrecognizable
grey blobs moved within the blackness.
"Oh I just love being right!" Cheryl said, pushing a sequence of buttons that
made a strange, rhythmic whooshing sound emit from the machine.
"Congratulations, Mama! This is the heartbeat of Baby A. Very healthy. 120
beats per minute."
"Baby A?" Lelouch asked breathless, staring at the screen with a newfound
perspective.
"Mmmhmmm!" Cheryl beamed, patting Lelouch's arm with her free hand. "Fraternal
twins." She removed the hand to point at the top blob, encased in its own
bubble, zooming in to where it began to take form. "Here is the head, torso,
and legs." A line appeared on the screen at the crown of the head, and was
dragged to the fetus' butt. "Looks like this one is measuring a bit ahead, or
your LMP [2] is off. That happens a lot. There is a two weekish variance. This
says eleven weeks and two days. As long as they match, no issues."
The whooshing sound continued as Cheryl zoomed out, and moved the transductor
to a different angle. Lelouch peeled her eyes off the screen when she felt a
hand on her shoulder. Schneizel moved from his standoffish position to hover
close enough that Lelouch wondered if he would have joined her on the
uncomfortable table if he could fit. Her snarky question if he "had been
feeding her fertility drugs," died in her throat. Her brother looked
dumbstruck. His arrangement of masks fell, leaving a dazed look of disbelief.
"Twins," he murmured, drawing circles with his thumb through the thin material
of her cropped blazer.
Lelouch smiled weakly despite him not seeing the gesture. Schneizel's eyes were
glued to the monitor. She placed her hand over his, and he absently linked
their fingers. Twins. She was as dumbstruck as he, and probably much more
flustered. If having one child at eighteen was unnerving, two was obviously
double the trouble. That's not even to mention the added risks and
complications, fear of pushing two small watermelons out, or having a cesarean
section, nursing - no wonder her breasts were already massive in comparison.
Would she ever be able to sleep? One baby left a person sleep deprived. She
couldn't imagine two.
The heartbeat changing to another, slightly slower pattern brought Lelouch's
attention away from her brother, who at that moment she neither feared nor
loathed, and back to the screen. Baby B had a heart rate of 115, and was a few
days behind his or her sibling. As long as the difference in size didn't get
above 10-15 percent, it was normal and healthy. No two persons are the same,
even in the womb.
Lelouch reached out to run her fingers over the smooth screen once the image
zoomed back out. Cheryl began rambling off instructions as she examined more
thoroughly, moving the device to get more angles. The teenage mother's eyes
remained on the two wiggling forms, her dread turning into elation. Her body
felt light and fuzzy with a heightened sense of love and attachment. She
noticed Schneizel started playing with her hair, doubting he noticed himself.
They both stared at the screen, Cheryl standing not at all out of place on the
opposite side of the exam table.
Kanon was a wonderful man for bringing her a new dress during the appointment.
When Lelouch finally slid down off the table, she saw a purple lump placed on a
piece of medical equipment by the door. The article was clearly maternity wear,
and that wasn't all that set it apart from her usual wardrobe. It was still
black and purple, floor length, and elegantly simple without sacrificing
details. There were sleeves, billowy ones that extended past her wrists. It
wasn't tight fitting, both the bodice, and skirt left room for growth; she only
owned one other empire waist dress. The main color was purple, with swirls of
black at the chest and sleeves. It was the opposite of her eye patch. What
struck her as the most unusual, however, was the fine white embroidery at the
hems.
Since coming into Schneizel's possession, Lelouch hadn't owned anything white.
The closest she ever came was the khaki blazer of her school uniform that was
returned. Nothing new contained the color, or absence of color if speaking with
an art major. Kanon was making a point. She sighed, enjoying the aesthetics of
the garment, and not the symbolism. Her hypothesis would be tested in the
coming months. She was going to get huge enough that multiple sizes would be
required. More white would undoubtedly start creeping into her clothing.
The bliss of her exam was sullied even more when Schneizel lead her down
another known corridor, despite it only meeting the soles of her feet three
times: when she was shown her cage initially, the escape that was interrupted
by Nina, and when she finally was transferred to the Damocles. Her hope that
the 250 sq ft apartment was somehow changed, that it's taint would be
overwritten like the medical wing, was dashed when the door opened, revealing
the same environment as before.
Schneizel pushed against the small of her back, urging her forward, when
Lelouch stood rooted at the entrance. She didn't want to go back to the way
things were. Lelouch never lived for the past. At a time she was focused only
on the future. Her current philosophy was a mystery. It certainly was not a
desire for the past though.
"Brother." She said, turning to face him. "Schneizel." She corrected, although
he didn't seem to mind being called by his role like she did.
He caught her hand when she moved to touch him. It was unlikely he assumed she
would strike, considering her reach was tentative. Schneizel rubbed the chafing
at her wrist, exposed from the loose fitted sleeves falling victim to gravity.
His guarded expression revealed callous eyes. The pastel purple of them
softened for a moment when he glanced at her stomach; it didn't linger when he
established eye contact. He sighed, releasing his hold.
"Stay in here." He ordered before turning his back to leave the room.
===============================================================================
The furnishings were the same, yet there were several changes made to her old
cage. The most obvious change was the door, which was unlocked. It took a few
days for Lelouch to realize it. Unlike the last time she made no effort to
escape. Schneizel's promise of punishment still kept her up at night. At one
point she got bored enough that the lure of cracking the code that locked her
in overwhelmed her fear. She reasoned she could always fix it once she was
done, and realized there was no code. Needless to say, she spent the rest of
the day wandering around the different levels of the Avalon, expecting someone
to rush at her. When she eventually turned in for the night, it was clear that
her limited freedom was not an oversight. Schneizel still trusted her not to
run away.
Her closet contained clothes, including extremely unflattering maternity
panties. Lelouch gaped at the articles. They reminded her of grannie panties.
The one time she had her cycle near Schneizel, her underwear was still sexy
little things with ruffles, lace, or if nothing else appealing patterns. For
some reason she found the alteration offensive, and she refused to wear them.
She had an outlet to the outside world, a tablet computer, with a rather toned
down parental security setting. Lelouch snorted when she first noticed
Schneizel's useless attempt to control. By the time the device showed up on the
table, she was feeling much more sure of herself. She hacked every firewall
except the one that prevented her from assessing his personal files. This
wasn't due to lack of trying so much as her brother's superior security when it
came to his own privacy. The settings were on a loop, rewriting code endlessly.
The program must have been quite the endeavor to create.
She quickly became up-to-date of the world news, finding the media's
manipulation of events more audacious now that she no longer held Diethard
Reid's reigns. Even Milly's reports of her actions were disgustingly skewed.
Lelouch wondered what her friend really thought, knowing her disdain of
Britannian politics from hushed conversations at school. That curiosity wasn't
enough to place a phone call. Lelouch's preliminary attempts were all to the
same person. Nunnally. Of course her little sister wouldn't answer her cell
phone. Still, Lelouch assumed that the Apple ID remained the same even if she
changed numbers after becoming Vicereine.
The only other person she had the gall to call initially was Kallen.
Lelouch's underhanded role in the Black Knights was ironic. At the same time it
was the foreseeable next step in Zero's legacy. She truly was the phantom
leader of the military organization. Saying she acted as deputy would suggest
that anyone knew of their secret conversations, or the amount of persuasion it
took to convince Kallen to take a more influential position. Getting her to put
on the king piece costume was, apparently, more than the girl could handle.
They compromised on her requesting, and obtaining, the position of General
Commander. Xingke replaced Ohgi after the Black Knights split off from the UFN,
once again becoming a rebel group devoted to the citizens, and not a corrupt
government. The Britannian military acted as the protectors of democracy and
freedom. According to the media, that is.
The goal was modest in comparison to the lofty ones Zero proper boasted. In
truth, Lelouch wasn't really sure what her goal was anymore. Her orders were
sometimes nonsensical. Occasionally 'Kallen' suggested moves that aided
Schneizel, and other times she moved to trap him. The drive she felt as Zero
didn't exist in that space, and wasn't portrayed through properly through
FaceTime. The black and white personality blended to grays. Gone was her
idealistic aim, and willingness to sacrifice that ideal to end. Was she truly
only sneaking "for something to do?" If her true intentions were to defeat
Schneizel she was going about it all wrong. Her first move should have been to
order Jeremiah to undo her geass command on the council. Her loyal knight
remained on an orange farm. She couldn't decide what else to do with him.
Perhaps the issue lied with Kallen. She wasn't much of a public speaker, and
was much less willing to take risks. Apparently sacrificing millions of lives
for one's goal was a character trait of the royal family. Your average (or ace)
knightmare pilot was only willing to sacrifice his or her own life, and
suggesting suicide missions went against that moral foundation. The Black
Knights' actions did little more than maintain the status quo. The countries
that would give Schneizel the six percent he needed were, for the most part,
remaining neutral. It was a slow bleed. Truthfully the only thing the Black
Knights were accomplishing was buying time for Lelouch to decide her alliance,
and accept her loss.
The redhead did manage to convince Nina, who went into seclusion at Ashford
Academy, to join her once hated organization. If the Einstein knew who was
really pulling the strings, she would have been a harder sell. The reports and
blueprints Lelouch received regarding an eliminator developed alongside
Rakshada would be enough to put Schneizel in a stalemate. The only issue was
the .04 second margin for error. It would require magical means to implement
especially on a large scale. Luckily her brother seemed intrigued enough by the
resistance, and threat of his precious FLEIJAs being obsolete, to participate
in a Cold War. He held majority votes, but had yet to completely take control
of congress.
At least, that's what Lelouch deduced based on his actions and her intimate
understanding of his personality. Schneizel didn't visit her. With the damage
done, there was no reason to force conjugal visits. His partner of choice was
once again Kanon, favoring sodomy. The prospect didn't make her jealous, not
like the idea of another woman did. She saw him at antenatal appointments, and
continued to win half her matches, only the game was played through a chess
app.
He was still hurt and angry. Lelouch was grateful that he was waiting until
that anger subsided before inflicting his punishment, considering she was still
doing things that would upset him. The longer he left her alone, seeing only
his elation directed at the babies, the less her theories on his behavior
seemed sound. Her brother appeared to handle her outburst the same way their
father had. He abandoned her. The only reason she was still kept was because of
her status as an incubator. He wouldn't even punish her the ways she imagined.
After a week her episodes slowed, and after two they almost completely ceased
coming. Originally she believed said punishment was the lack of his comfort and
intervention. The idea that he was the instigator along with the pacifier was
logical, albeit emotionally draining. She was already drained enough
physically. She didn't want to think he was capable of doing that to her, and
putting his unborn children through that stress. It didn't make sense. Then
again, someone who named a weapon of mass destruction after the goddess of love
was clearly deranged. The mythology that Freya received half of the souls in
the afterlife seemed too fitting, considering Schneizel had enough warheads to
massacre half the population of the world in the name of "love and peace."
Releasing her of the burden of her fits was also counterproductive to the
notion of punishment. Lelouch found herself thumbing the smooth gems of her eye
patch whenever she thought about it. It was funny that whenever her mind
wandered to how horrible of a person Schneizel was she stroked the amethyst,
and when her thoughts followed a different trajectory she stoked her stomach.
No matter the reason, she wasn't complaining about lack of fits.
Round Ligament Pain provided enough misery. The myth that morning sickness only
lasted until the second trimester, and came in the morning was laughable.
Cheryl insisted that once her hormone levels evened out, a lot of the negative
symptoms would fade, leaving her in a honeymoon period before she got to big to
function. Lelouch already felt big, and it wasn't even half way done.
Schneizel's callous ceased when they were in that medical room. Her love/loath
conflict vanished too. If she were to say she loved him when he looked at the
screen, and rubbed her rounding belly, it wouldn't be a lie. Any other time
surely, but seeing him stare starry-eyed at the screen melted her heart.
"Lila," Lelouch said, anticipating the cool gel. It didn't catch her off guard
any longer. "I like Lila for a girl."
"No." Schneizel said, the hardness of his features faded. "We aren't naming our
kid Darkness."
Cheryl laughed, putting away the soft measuring tape she used to guess the size
of the babies before using the sonogram machine. She reasoned it was good to do
things with and without technology, and then compare the results, rather than
relying on machines alone. "How about we let the kids decide. If I feel
confident enough to determine the genders today, and one is a girl, Lulu gets
to name that kid. You, your highness -"
"Please, just Schneizel." He reminded.
"Right. Schneizel. I don't know why it's easier to remember for Lulu, maybe
because of feminine bonding." She winked. "You can name the other one, or at
least get more of a say in the matter. After doing this for twenty years, I'd
say it's a good idea to just agree. Especially since names usually pick
themselves. They just come to you one day."
"Fine." He conceded.
Seventeen weeks was past the cusp of speculation and moving into certitude, and
yet Lelouch already knew. Call it woman's intuition. One of the babies was a
girl, and that was her name. Over the past month the blobs that were her
children morphed into easily recognizable bodies. They were little humans, and
even interacted with each other. In addition to sucking thumbs, and exploring
their own bodies, the babies started to reach for one another. More than once
Lelouch found herself tearing up watching them on the screen while Cheryl dealt
with the technicalities of the ultrasound.
They were probably going to have a stronger bond than her and Nunnally. Lelouch
fought the urge to unlink her fingers with Schneizel's at the notion. The
request to talk to her sister stayed at the tip of her tongue during each
appointment. It would probably be the best time to do so since it was the only
time they interacted in person, and he acted lovingly towards her. The cold,
calm indifference didn't surface until afterwards, when he walked her back to
her room.
"Ok! Moment of truth here." Cheryl beamed. "Baby A is sleeping with legs wide
open. Should I zoom in or skip over that part of the body?"
Lelouch was correct. The smaller one with a faster heartbeat was indeed a girl.
Schneizel scoffed, accusing the women of "plotting against him." Lelouch tensed
slightly at the phrase before relaxing immediately after. He wouldn't sully the
moment by divulging his knowledge of her activities. Baby B was not immediately
named, however, he too was more than happy to show off his parts during the
anatomy scan. Boy and girl twins. That had to be something of fiction; it was
too perfect. They were perfect. Besides the usual miseries of a pregnancy of
multiples, there were no complications, or added risks. She was even gaining
weight exactly on schedule, no doubt Kanon's constant supply of nutritionally
dense food helped.
"I was going more for the meaning of the word in Hinduism." Lelouch said when
the spell of the sonogram was broken. Schneizel helped her off the table. Such
gestures would only last a few more minutes. He quirked a smile, and waited for
an explanation. "Without going into a lengthy dialog, Lila, or Leela, is the
divine manifestation of Brahman, God's, pastime or play in Hinduism. It's like
Maya, but not, considering that that "illusion," exists to make us forget our
connection, our Atman [3]. Lila is the cosmos, and Brahman revealed through
action."
"Why do you like that name?" Schneizel whispered. His hand trembled slightly in
her smaller one.
"It uh." Lelouch hooked a piece of her hair behind her ear, feeling unnerved by
her brother's response. As much as he tried to remain impassive, he looked -
something she couldn't quite put her finger on - under his guarded features.
"It just popped into my head after an episode. Or during. I'm not sure. Anyway
I like it. C.C. and I used to talk philosophy, and Hinduism was one of her
favorites because of all the stories."
"That's fine." He replied curtly. "That name is apposite."
Schneizel didn't walk her back to her apartment that day. As much he didn't
protest her choice in their daughter's name, it struck a chord with him. The
starry-eyed gaze vanished when he glanced down at her stomach. Lelouch
instinctively brought her hands around it, protecting her unborn children from
his stare. When he stormed out of the room, she couldn't help but be reminded
of Suzaku.
 
***** Daydreaming, Drinking, and Drugs *****
Lelouch was left wanting. Once she was firmly rooted in the second trimester,
her fatigue and morning sickness vanished. It truly was the honeymoon period,
except there was one thing missing. Sex. Feeling revitalized, and not like a
zombie, brought back her libido. The only issue was a willing participant.
Propositioning Schneizel would be easier if she didn't feel so awkward, and not
at all sexy. With her belly protruding almost as far as her breasts, Lelouch
felt less than able to master the art of seduction. Relative adjectives would
be fat, restless, and reluctant. Would Schneizel even still want her? Perhaps
pregnancy brain did exist since Lelouch was incapable to remember how to act
alluring.
His loving atmosphere didn't vanish during her biweekly appointments, (it was
too early to tell) per say; there was something hidden underneath Schneizel's
smile. When Lila was mentioned, or brought on the screen to compare sizes, he
acted strange. The circles he rubbed with this thumb would stop. He carried a
look of guilt, of hidden shame, when he didn't think she was watching. He
expected her eyes were glued to the screen like his.
He didn't act like that with the still unnamed Baby B.
Lelouch prayed she was just imagining things. It was likely he actually
finished reading 'What to Expect When You Are Expecting.' She couldn't. The
book made everything so real. Healthy pregnancies and births truly were
miracles when considering all the things that could go wrong. It was a good
thing Lelouch was the 'Man of Miracles.' She dutifully ignored her relation to
making to impossible possible in a negative sense.
At least there was one thing she didn't have to worry about. Her and Schneizel
were both RH factor negative. In daily life the absence of the blood protein,
for the most part, was just a notation on a medical record. During pregnancy,
however, it could cause complications if the maternal and fetal bloods are
incompatible, causing a laundry list of potentially life threatening issues for
the babies. The RHo (D) immune globulin shot existed to prevent this. Cheryl's
suggestions on the subject were not needed when Schneizel's blood work came
back. Lelouch wouldn't need the shot because her and her brother's blood was
compatible.
"Wow. I didn't expect this," Cheryl said, looking down at the folder. "Less
than five percent of people have this blood type. It's extremely rare for both
parents to match. Even though you are both, obviously, Britannian the odds were
not in your favor, unless you were siblings or something."
Schneizel was not amused by Lelouch's crazed laugh. He didn't tremble, or seem
disturbed other than annoyance. He became accustomed to it at some point. To
her credit Cheryl looked more confused than concerned. For someone who bragged
about "powerful rulers taking siblings as wives," her brother seemed content
keeping their kinship a dirty little secret. She wondered if that was why she
was never reprimanded for killing the previous doctor, the sacrificial pawn. It
was an inadvertent favor to him.
She didn't want to return to her apartment directly after the appointment, and
told him so. Well, she wouldn't have minded if she returned with him, but
suggesting so seemed far too embarrassing. Lelouch did so anyway when the pair
came to the junction that separated the path to the garden and the path to
living space. She stopped abruptly, and chewed on her bottom lip. Hormones were
making her act out of character, including emotional swings and insecurities.
Schneizel walked a few feet before turning around, realizing she wasn't
following. "I was going to go to the garden." She said, twisting her increasing
long hair around her pointer finger. "Or we could both go back to the apartment
together and..."
She trailed off when he came closer. When it became clear she wasn't going to
finish her thought, he lifted her chin to make eye contact. The pastel purple
was smothering. Lelouch suppressed a whimper when he thumbed her red lips
briefly, and trailed his hand down her neck, settling at the hem of the dress
neckline. The lasciviousness of his gaze made her feel weak at the knees. At
least it showed he still desired her.
"My dearest, fucking sister. The next time I see you outside of that medical
wing will be to inflict your punishment. Do not request my company unless that
is your desire." She closed her eyes when he leaned in to whisper, his breath
unnaturally hot against her flesh. "My only request is that you act soon, or
wait until postpartum. I would hate to do those things to you when you are so
swollen with child your screams will not excite me. According to you that is
the only thing that gives me a sense of control, and makes me feel alive."
Schneizel was waiting for her to ask. He was using her accusations as
inspiration. This realization hit her like a slap in the face, except the
effect was quite different. The whimper did escape and so did the lid on her
arousal. The fact that he expected her to come to him was fucked up. Having
that notion make her wet was even more fucked up. It just proved how starved
she was for attention. Her loose fitting dress became unnaturally tight,
especially when his hand bridged the barrier of her bodice, squeezing her
breast. He rolled her sensitive nipple between his fingers and pinched. Lelouch
gasped and stepped back.
His retreat didn't remind her of Suzaku. If anything Lelouch felt that she were
the one running away. Her lack of movement until he rounded the corner was
notwithstanding. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, the loud
"phew" sound eased her anxiety. The ache between her legs was another story.
For someone who used to make war decisions with the fate of a nation in mind,
deciding which was to turn should have been a lot easier.
She grumbled and continued her track to the garden, too stubborn to change her
mind. The tension would subside on its own, which was just a slower, more
annoying end to what Lelouch could accomplish. She never felt satisfied; not
like how she did when she was with Schneizel. Her imagination seemed to be
substandard because when she tried to mimic his actions with her eyes closed,
it just left her more frustrated. He was a cruel man.
The prospect of an apology changing her fate was unlikely. Lelouch wasn't
certain he deserved one, and giving a fake "I'm sorry," would make her brother
more vengeful. He always hated fake feelings, which was funny because that's
what he grew to become: an actor on a stage. If he weren't the Prime Minister,
and their father's favorite son, he could rival Odysseus or Clovis in the arts.
His contribution would be theater. Those masks he wore to portray a perfect
charismatic leader, a cold blooded strategist, and doting lover would be put to
something useless. Lelouch felt a smile tug at her lips. Schneizel lived for
results. It was evident in everything he did. He was all or nothing, willing to
sacrifice everything, even himself.
His actions at their eldest brother's engagement party, when he sacrificed his
king piece against Zero in chess, was a prime example. Schneizel's aim wasn't
to win, but to test her. Sure, he was playing to his fullest. Victory wasn't
the result he sought. Although, he certainly wasn't making false moves to
let her win. He parroted her action of 'having the king lead' to see how she
would respond. Making that suicide move was probably the height of his night
because it gave him insight on her character. It allowed him to 'learn
something about the person behind the mask.'
Maybe he would have been a field psychologist instead.
There was always the possibility of both, and that was the most likely
alternative universe. Schneizel would be a psychologist by day, and actor by
night. He would channel his perceived understanding of the human psyche into
his role. In that world he would actually understand people. Schneizel was too
regal to sympathize with the average man. He was too much like their father in
that regard. Instead he played his role to produce the expected results, living
off the passions of others. The only time he didn't act that way was when she
was four and he fourteen.
Lelouch moaned in pain, dropping to the floor. She noted a distinct "pop"
sounded in her ear before passing out.
Big Brother Schneizel mostly ignored her. He was too busy to play dolls, hide
and seek, or color. When he was back from boarding school, Schneizel was mostly
at the Emperor's side, soaking up as much as he could. He had to compete
against Big Brother Odysseus. Still, Lelouch didn't like his lack of attention.
She snuck into the mansion he shared with his mother to teach him a lesson. Her
mother, Marianne, had just taught her the importance of keeping one's
appointments. Schneizel didn't keep his appointment to play with her when he
got back from school. He obviously didn't learn much there for her to know more
than him at such a young age.
She went up into his ugly sea foam green room that didn't have any toys, but
had big books with no pictures. Lelouch wrote, "Lulu was here," with purple
crayon all over his school stuff. Her penmanship was pretty, and full of hearts
and stars. She wished she had a girl's name, like Euphie. Then she could put a
heart over the letter I. She was halfway through the big stacks of white pages
filled with fancy words that were hard to sound out when he came upstairs. Big
Brother Schneizel was furious when he found her, saying "there were enough
other kids her own age; there was no reason for her to be so obsessed with
him." She called him out on his cancellation, happy to have two more words
added to her vast vocabulary for her small size.
He glared at her, his pretty purple eyes were madder than she thought they were
would be. Really, she thought she would be out of his room and back home by the
time he was back. Then she wouldn't have to see his stupid face look down at
her. He was surprised that his rejection bothered her enough to risk getting
scolded by 'Marianne.'
Lelouch's mother's scolding wasn't as scary as Big Brother Schneizel's yell.
His loud cracking voice made big crocodile tears stream down her flushed
cheeks. She wailed, wiping the snot that came out of her nose on her pretty
blue dress. This only made her more upset. He sighed, and said if he was going
to play with her, "it was going to be something he wanted." He was going to
teach her to play chess.
They played for the rest of the day in his study. It was a space that made even
less sense than his bedroom. It had toys in it that he didn't play with, and
wouldn't let her touch. He lied and said they weren't toys. Schneizel let her
win the first time to "show her how it worked." After that he got a lot better,
and found it super funny that she got mad that he won each game.
"Why are you trying so hard when you know you can't beat me?" He asked, leaning
against the wing back chair. "It's not worth the effort."
Lelouch spit her hair out of her mouth. She had a habit of chewing her long
strands into a ball, claiming they tasted like chicken nuggets. Big Brother
Schneizel knew better than to mention it. She would explain, in detail, her
theory regarding favorite food faeries. That was why Nunnally's hair didn't
taste like anything. She was still a baby so her favorite food was still
"mama's nursies." It would probably taste like chicken nuggets when her little
sister got older, because chicken nuggets were the bestest. She told him about
it even though he didn't ask.
Schneizel pointed out that "bestest" was not a word. He thought he was so
smart. Lelouch pouted as he moved the horse piece to take her black one. She
fought the urge to put it back, knowing that's not how the game worked. Those
were her favorite ones; they were the prettiest.
"One day I'm going to beat you and you're going to be sorry!" She yelled,
sticking her tongue out in the process. She scooted forward in the large chair,
stretching to reach the pieces on the tall table. She refused to stand, or sit
somewhere else. Nunnally was the baby; she was a big girl. Lelouch moved her
pawn in a way that was not allowed (two space jumps were only permitted the
first turns) before continuing. "I'm going to be big and tall, and I'm going to
wear pretty jewelry, and be super duper  super  smart and then you're going to
say 'sorry'. You're going to play chess with me and I'm going to win, and
you'll be sad because then we can't get married."
Schneizel laughed. His big skinny body shook with joy as he took his own turn.
He didn't correct her false move. "Oh yeah? Why would I ever want to marry a
shrimp like you? Besides, you can't marry your sibling."
"Duh! I'm going to be the prettiest and smartest! You don't listen."
"Ok."
"Aaaannnnnddd I'm going to be the first person to beat you in chess, and then
you are totally going to fall madly in love with me and want to marry me
anyway."
"Father already beats me in chess, so looks like your plans aren't going to
work out."
"What if we tag team against Papa?"
"It doesn't work that way."
"Oh." She responded, popping her ball of chewed up hair back in her mouth,
avoiding the bright blue ribbons. They tasted like silk, and not junk food.
"Hey! I just re-rea.."
"Realized."
"Yeah that. You never said I couldn't beat you at chess!"
Schneizel looked down at her big, eager, lavender eyes, and then the game
board. He smiled. "That's because you probably could one day if you keep being
so enthusiastic. That means to be really happy to do something. Buut," He
drawled out the word. Lelouch let out a squeal of laughter when he reached over
the table to steal her nose. "That doesn't mean I'm going to want to marry you,
and even if I did, I wouldn't say 'I'm sorry.' You shouldn't apologize when you
don't mean it."
Lelouch stopped, noticing she wandered down an unfamiliar section of the
fortress. The walls were a shade darker, like the paint was a different batch.
She closed her eyes and swallowed down bile, realizing that she was the one who
suggested their messed up relationship. Surely Schneizel couldn't be so
deranged as to hold her to her word. She was four! All little girls want to
marry their father or older brother(s). Besides, she hadn't beaten him at chess
until after he claimed her as his wife, and raped her. To use the match from
when she was Zero as an example would be taking it out of context. For one, he
didn't know she was the person behind the mask. Secondly, she didn't win.
Thirdly, even if she did win, it wouldn't be a real victory considering he put
himself in such a position. She had too much pride, which was why she moved
away from his king piece.
She felt a sensation of nausea that competed with any occurrence of morning
sickness, leaning against the wall to catch her bearings. Unless she took a
completely wrong turn, she should have been at the garden by now. There was
only one turn from when Schneizel broke off from their walk. Said turn happened
at a dead end too. At the end of that corridor there was a locked section of
the Avalon, which had a security system that surpassed Schneizel's personal
files. In fact, Lelouch would be hard pressed to even call it security. It was
just an impenetrable wall. The only reason she knew anything lied behind it was
because she read the blueprints of the ship. One of the reasons she was
transferred to the Damocles was because the Avalon was undergoing a remodel: a
special storage for FLEIJA missiles was added on. The only way into that
section was from the outside, or so she thought.
More importantly was the period of forgetfulness. Lelouch didn't usually daze
out, and when she did, it wasn't so serious. It usually didn't involve finding
secret panels that opened sliding walls. Lelouch thumbed the amethyst, feeling
a strange sensation emitting from the stone. She dropped it; her body tingled
unpleasantly at the contact. After observing the panel, and the sequence used
to unlock the hidden door, she made it look like nothing was ever tampered
with. It was better for Schneizel to not know she discovered another one of his
secrets, especially if she was going to be snooping around after a nice long
nap.
===============================================================================
Her actions made no sense. She shouldn't be calling him. There was only one
person higher on the totem pole of 'people she wanted out of her life.' Well,
that statement wasn't completely true. He already abandoned her. It was going
to take a while to get over. The general rule of thumb is that it takes twice
as long to get over someone. Lelouch knew from experience that saying did not
mean the amount of time a couple was together. If that were the case, she would
have been over him long ago.
It was funny how thin the line was. Love. Loathe. They even sounded similar. If
she spoke them fast enough; it became a blur.
The amount of negative experiences also didn't seem to be a factor. With all
the shit that asshole put her through she should have stopped caring about him
long ago. She shouldn't sympathize with his actions. They were too dissimilar.
Well, besides age, body type, eating habits, and affinity for deep conversation
when drunk. Then again, all she had to do was think about the opposite of what
she would do, and Lelouch could follow his pattern of thought. He really wasn't
that hard to read. The fact that he thought he was doing the right thing
shouldn't sway her opinion of him, considering he was going about everything
all wrong. It didn't change reality.
If the deciding factor was how long she was in love with him, then she was
royally fucked. That statement was not meant as a pun since that would suggest
the bane of her night was Schneizel, and not that idiot, Suzaku. At least there
was one more year in the can. She only needed to hold out for another fifteen
years and her love/loathe confusion could finally fall to the wayside. She
could get out of the jail, pass go, and collect her two hundred dollars. She
snorted at the analogy. Even if she did have the capacity to stop loving
Suzaku, it wouldn't get her out of jail. Her jailer was Schneizel now, and not
her ex boyfriend.
Lelouch rolled over to look at the clock on her computer placed next to her on
the bed. If she were going to call, she would need to do it within the next few
minutes, before the time switched over to midnight and the day passed
unaddressed. It was silly and not in a cheerful way. She was morbid, but so was
he. That was another thing they had in common. She sighed and typed his number
into the app, pressing the green bubble to connect the call.
Suzaku accepted audio only. He didn't want to see her. She wasn't certain she
wanted to see him either. That didn't make the rejection any less bothersome.
He was silent on the other end, and his breathing seemed abnormally labored.
There was some rustling, and she wondered if he accepted by mistake. His tanned
fingers meant to push the red button that dismissed the invitation to chat.
"Are you really calling me? Or is this a memory too?" He asked, his voice
sounded distant.
"That's an odd question." She mused over the right response. Suzaku sighed,
contented. She could picture him in her mind's eye leaning against a wall or
the back of a chair, waiting for her to decide on an answer. His smile was not
overt; it wasn't broad either. It was more of his features relaxing as he
basked in the possibility that he stumped her with a question. Was he drunk? He
sounded out of it. If her imagery scene were true, that inference would match
his actions. "I suppose I'm calling you to dredge up memories. I'm feeling
morbid, and misery loves company." She paused, closing her eyes as she
breathed. "Happy anniversary, my love. Or what would have been if I never left
you."
The laugh sounded like her albeit a raspy, deeper version of her own cackle.
"I'm glad you called." He said, and she could hear a door or maybe a box close.
"I was just about to seek you out in the past." He murmured something. She
could hear the clink of glass, a gulp, and grimace. "Happy anniversary."
The silence was somehow awkward and comfortable at once. Lelouch hovered her
fingers over the camera icon a few times, wanting to see the expression on his
face. "I want to see you," he said, as if reading her mind. "I will sober up
with some coffee and a shower, but may I? I might not come if I'm not drunk
though. It wouldn't be fair if I was and you weren't." He paused, deep in
thought regarding his dilemma.
"That's fine."
Lelouch ended the call with sweaty hands. The moisture was evident on the
screen. She stared at the print until the backlight turned off, leaving her in
darkness. It was likely that he wouldn't visit her. The time was just past
midnight, and honestly it was a terrible idea. What if her brother found out?
She wasn't doing anything illegal. He never expressed a rule that she couldn't
have company. She never said any vows, and most importantly; she was almost
five months pregnant. The prospect of this being an opportunity to cheat on
Schneizel was fleeting. Suzaku wouldn't show up. He was just torturing her with
the idea.
The blinding brightness of the lights being turned on assaulted her even behind
her eyelids. Lelouch grumbled, and pushed a pillow over her head. It had to be
Suzaku. Only he knew that a surefire way to wake her up was to flick the lights
on and off over, and over like in a horror movie. She glared out from
underneath her shelter, seeing only black pants from her limited vantage point.
Glancing at the giant clock on the wall revealed it to be 1:11, most likely in
the morning. He didn't give himself much time to sober up. He might not have
been that drunk in the first place, and he definitely wouldn't have come if he
weren't at least a little inebriated. Without looking at him, she deduced that
he was mostly likely dulled enough to have impaired judgment without physical
effects. She was beginning to regret this decision.
So was Suzaku if his actions were any indication. He stood at the entrance,
just enough out of the way to be past the threshold. It took him several
minutes (or that's what it felt like) to close the door. The stentorian click
matched Lelouch's breathing. It prompted her to push herself up into a seated
position, legs tucked under her butt like she was sitting on the floor of the
Kururugi shrine. The pillow fell victim to gravity, tumbling off her head, and
also the bed on its own accord. Lelouch shifting to look at him might have
helped the cotton encased down find the floor a little.
He looked haggard, like years had been sucked out of his life. Was he like that
before? Over the past four months, Lelouch only saw the boy a few times, and
each one she tried to avoid actually looking at him. At that moment she openly
gaped at him, as he did her. He lost weight. The blazer of his Ashford Academy
uniform didn't cling like a second skin, perfectly sized, like it did
previously. It couldn't have been too many pounds. The change was subtle, but
Lelouch was astute. His features were hard, and not just due to his current
expression. Suzaku was surprisingly stoic, hiding the shame of his patricide
for years. Too much. He bottled up too much emotion, leaving his natural poise
dead, lifeless, and distant. Whether it was the accumulation of time or events
that left him like that could be a lengthy debate. A small smile tugged at her
lips as a glimmer of emotion entered his emerald eyes. They finished their
journey over her body, settling on the top of her head.
"You look like Rivalz after a buffet. When he would stick out his stomach,
saying he had a 'food baby.' I uh. Wouldn't really notice if I didn't already
know. The dress helps." Suzaku scratched the back of his head, unsure of what
he was even saying.
Lelouch smiled broadly. If there was one thing that makes a pregnant woman
happy, it's hearing that she doesn't look pregnant. Rivalz food baby was always
barely noticeable, and she would nod to the statement that he looked 'fat' to
appease her friend more than agreement. She smoothed the dress over her thighs,
mumbling "thanks."
Suzaku silently stayed in his spot. The two continued to stare at each other
until Lelouch sighed, leaving the bed. She walked over to the couch,
exaggeratedly plopping down. He gulped, looking like he wanted to flee, before
walking over to the leather sofa. Suzaku sat one cushion from her. It was just
enough distance to be considered the void between near and far. She could feel
his presence; his body heat didn't smother.
"I killed Nunnally," he said, cutting the tension and to the chase.
The words carried their own weight out of his lips. He undoubtedly couldn't
have forced them out on his own without alcohol aiding his admission. Lelouch
would have thought the statement would carry more sentiment. That was her
personality, however, not his. Like with Mao, and the surfacing of Genbu
Kururugi's death, it was Lelouch's noncommittal comfort that drove the madness
from his eyes.
"Schneizel says she's still alive." Lelouch said, reaching for his lean hand.
Her fingertips brushed against his, settling to where their skins touched only
to the first knuckle. She couldn't bring herself to take his whole hand, or
intertwine the length of the digits. They both trembled to the same tempo. "I
haven't asked to see her again because I want to believe him. I want it to be
true. If I press the issue and find out it's not..."
Her shaking became out of sync with his. Suzaku startled when her hand shot
forward, clutching his in a vice grip. He didn't pull away. Lelouch cast her
head downward to stare at the coffee table. Her hair fell around her like a
halo, sheltering her face from his scrutiny. The furniture, the object of her
attention, became distorted through raven strands and unshed tears.
Finishing her thought process was too much for her to handle. Saying it out
loud wouldn't make a difference. Still, Lelouch locked that possibility away.
She had to believe Schneizel, otherwise Nunnally was dead and the minuscule
measure of affection they shared in the medical wing would be lost. Her
sister's death wouldn't be his fault. He didn't detonate the bomb. It wasn't
Suzaku's fault. He was under the influence of geass, which was absolute. When
Kallen began to explain everything to her on Honari Island, Lelouch had to stop
her. The situation was already clear. She killed Nunnally the same way she
killed Euphie. That instance was a more detached version of the current event.
The intent and result were ultimately the same though. A precious member of her
family, the most precious member, died because she didn't understand the
reverberations of her power.
It was too much of a cross to bear. She channeled all her grief into the twins.
All her sorrows were transformed into joy of their existence. It was all she
could do to not fall apart. It was an unfair coping mechanism.
"I think I know how you felt after killing Euphie. You pushed forward because
if you turned back then everything would be meaningless. Her death would have
been for nothing. You did it for her. I should have been able to sympathize
with you sooner, considering that's what I did with my father. I refused
though."
"You loved her. It is right of you to hate me." Lelouch replied, keeping her
head forward and downcast.
Suzaku leaned towards her, hooking a large section of her hair behind her ear.
He seemed surprised when his hand came in contact with it, like he expected she
wasn't solid. His hand lingered, and he caressed the start of her jaw with his
tumb, requesting she turn to face her. Lelouch absently noted that he didn't
cup her chin and force eye contact. Suzaku never forced, and never cupped her
chin. The fingers behind her ear tangled in her hair, begging her to look up.
"I could never hate you, Lulu." He said when her lavender eyes met his emerald
ones. They were sparkling with tears too. "I tried. That was one thing I could
never accomplish. The line between love and loathe is so thin. I thought I
crossed it. I didn't. I could never stop loving you. I'm sorry for everything.
I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm sorry anyway."
"I guess that makes us even," she whispered. His touch seared her skin,
branding it like the scars he left on her heart.
"Lulu." His voice was barely audible. His eyes became intense. It was a stark
difference from his tone. "May I kiss you? That's all I would do. That's all
I've wanted. Every time I do refrain, the hardest part is knowing I'm not
really kissing you. Please."
Lelouch wasn't sure what surprised her more the request or his confession to
drug use. She couldn't muster up a verbal response, and nodded instead.
Suzaku's eyes went wide at her acceptance, leaning his forehead against her's.
Lelouch thought he was going to change his mind and stay that way. She tilted
her head to the side, and that last nudge was enough to get him to close the
distance.
His lips were soft and hesitant, reminding her of their first kiss. Suzaku
moved his hand to massage the nape of her neck, making her gasp at the
tentative touch. He treated her like glass that would break if he pushed too
hard. Lelouch moved her free hand, the one that wasn't holding his, to grab
hold of his blazer when he tried to pull away. As timid as he, she slid her
tongue into his mouth, tasting cheap wine. It wasn't $600 a bottle La Mondotte,
but the $5 cheap kind that Shirley would buy. It tasted awful.
She moaned at the clumsy way they kissed. It had been long enough that their
old rhyme was lost. She had become accustomed to Schneizel's preferences, which
was rough and demanding. This was nothing like that. Lelouch didn't want to
corrupt the moment by taking the lead, morphing Suzaku's style into something
it was not. She was fine with being made of glass. Suzaku liked glass; a long
time ago he used it as an example of happiness.
***** To Shatter Stones *****
Like the three trimesters (some would add the first few months postpartum,
making four) of pregnancy, there are also at least three distinct phases of
realizing said pregnancy. The first is obviously getting a positive pregnancy
test, and the first symptoms. This could bring about joy or apprehension,
depending on the person. Lelouch chose the former. Through all the
unpleasantness, she refused to think of the fetuses as an unpleasant
manifestation. Besides, there wasn't really anything solid for her fragile
mental state to grab onto. Some nausea, fatigue, pulled muscles or cramps - she
had felt one or more of these symptoms at some point in her life. Even the
bloated belly was something she experienced before. Her 'food baby,' often beat
Rivalz's, no doubt due to her ability to eat at least twenty percent more than
him. When she became Zero, expending calories on complicated calculations
daily, her appetite increased with the stress. It was nothing new when taken
out of context.
Seeing her twins on the ultrasound monitor was another phase. It made the
experience concrete in the sense that there was now undeniable physical
evidence that she was indeed pregnant. She saw them wiggle, suck their thumbs,
and reach for one another. Their heartbeats were also heard at every
appointment. She even gave her daughter a name already. Still, there was some
measure of detachment. Her unborn children lived as an idea in her mind as much
as in her belly, more so even. They were pictures taped to her wall, or a movie
on a screen. She loved the idea of being pregnant.
The third phase, and one usually met with the most excitement, is feeling fetal
movements. Even though they occur as early as 8 weeks into the pregnancy, most
women don't feel recognizable 'kicks' until 18-20 weeks. Until then, the
sensation can easily be confused with gas, which was another thing Lelouch had
experienced previously. However, once noticed, there was no denying them. It's
a feeling that cannot really be described. Butterflies fluttering in the belly
are the most common. The types of actions that feel like someone was punching
or kicking you from the inside out don't come until later.
Lelouch felt her first kick that first night when she was with Suzaku.
They were holding hand, fingers laced. Her other one gripped his blazer so hard
her knuckles turned white, like he was her lifeline, but in a different sense
than Schneizel. Her brother kept her afloat in choppy sea of his creation.
Without him she would drown in insanity, and depression over all the things she
lost. Suzaku was the opposite. He kept her steady, reminding her there was a
world where she wasn't being thrashed about, doing little more than reacting to
the situation.
Her grasp was a stark difference than her soft kiss. The contrast fit the
situation. It didn't take long for the clumsiness to ebb, leaving a
tantalizing, slow passage. Teasing wasn't the right word, since that would
suggest one of them knew where their lip locking would lead. If anyone was
taunting her, it was God, giving her something unattainable, and yet inviting.
Suzaku surely felt the same. He kept his fingers curled around a lock of her
hair like she would disappear if he let go. Unlike her his clutch was craven;
his fear was felt in spirit rather than words or gesture.
Despite Suzaku's obvious desire to keep their affair innocent, never letting
his hand travel below her neck while making out, Lelouch ached for something
even more enchanting. His tender touch made her melt in his arm wrapped around
her shoulder, playing with her hair. The chaste kiss caused her to moan. She
missed making love. It wasn't just sex her system craved. Schneizel would
cuddle her after fucking; his intention prior wasn't so genuine. It was tainted
with the knowledge that he could force her to do whatever he wanted. No matter
how gentle his caresses, it was never a request.
She broke the kiss to trail her lips across his jawline and down his neck. The
smell, or lack there of, struck out at her. Schneizel's cologne became
synonymous with sex, a classical conditioning of sorts. Suzaku didn't smell
like anything, not even fabric softener. If pressed, Lelouch would have
responded that his natural scent was the same as a Knightmare cockpit. She
squeezed her eyes shut, hating the comparisons that flooded her mind. His pulse
quicken underneath her lips. With a gentle pressure, he urged her head upward,
back to kissing.
He tensed in surprise when she crawled onto him, hopefully not due to the added
15lbs from the last time she straddled his lap. Lelouch's heart pounded in her
ears as she instinctually seduced. The rhythm picked up. He brought his hand
away from the nape of her neck to the crisscross of ribbon on the back of her
dress. He ran his fingers over each intersection until he came to the bow at
the bottom of her shoulder blades. He thumbed the ribbon, obviously anxious
over the prospect of untying the knot.
"Lulu." Her name wasn't at all sinful from his mouth. It wasn't only due to his
airy tone. "Lulu," he repeated, pleading.
Her approval faltered. Lelouch let go of his jacket in surprise when a strange
sensation came from her insides. It was undeniable. One of the babies
definitely gave her a judgmental kick. In reality the movement was subtle, and
discrete. The gravity of her condition came crashing down on her. She was
pregnant. Not just pregnant; there was a baby, no, two babies growing inside of
her womb. Somehow this seemed to be a step further than pregnancy regardless of
that being the meaning of the word. In the near future she was going to give
birth, and be a mother. A mother to the children conceived with her
brother. Oh, God. As silly as it sounds, it never fully clicked. Only someone
who underwent something similar can relate. Knowledge and experience are two
completely different animals. She was experiencing something exclusive to
quickening [1].
"Lulu?" Suzaku opened his eyes to see her ashen face. Lelouch removed her hand
from his chest, placing it on her lower stomach, willing the onslaught to stop.
"If you are about to have an episode, we can't be touching. Otherwise I'll get
sent into the White World with you like at Narita. There's nothing I can do to
stop it. I tried. I'm sorry."
"Wait what?" She asked wide-eyed. This was not how she expected to spend her
night. She pushed herself off his lap, feeling dizzy with two new bits of
information. Truthfully one wasn't new, per say, more like fully acknowledged.
"Suzaku you need to explain the best you can."
He scratched the back of his head, unsure of how to proceed. Her pacing was
making him nervous. "On Honari Island, when you had your episode, I couldn't
take you clawing at your eye patch so I unlocked it. When my hand touched your
skin I was thrust into the White World."
Lelouch stopped pacing and closed her eyes, taking several calming breaths.
This was one thing she did not miss about him. "Suzaku, you can't just give
your own names to things and expect me to know what they are. What do you mean
by 'like Narita?' Do you mean what happened when C.C. put her hand on the
Lancelot? When she sent you horrifying images?"
"Yes?" He scratched his head again and laughed. The sound soothed her. He was
an idiot for laughing; it was nice though. "Maybe. I don't really remember
either of them. The second time wasn't really frightening, at least... I don't
think so. I didn't come out of it sweating profusely, with an elevated heart
rate, shooting the VAERIS in a state of panic."
"Obviously." She grumbled, and rolled her eyes. After a long pause she went to
get him a glass of water. "You are the biggest fucking idiot I've ever met.
Drink." She handed him the glass, sitting back on the couch. The notion that he
was more intoxicated than suggested was dutifully ignored. She didn't want to
compare herself to Schneizel, even if Suzaku was the one who initiated.
"Thanks." He took the glass with one hand, and laced their fingers together
with the other. "You. You were panicked. You were jerking around the floor,
screaming to "take the eye patch off; it would make it stop. It would make it
easier for her come out though." I really don't know what you meant by that.
You also told me about Euphie, and that it was a mistake. Anyway. You reminded
me of how I was at Narita. Then there was the White World and... Lulu?"
"Preventing your obedience geass is only one of the functions."
She shivered. Suzaku set down his empty cup and carefully rubbed her arm. The
urge to swat him away was out measured by the pieces fitting together. She
wasn't insane. Well, maybe a little at this point, but she her 'fits' had
nothing to do with said insanity. A Thought Disturbing System caused them. It
was the only thing that made sense given her new bit of information. Lelouch
pulled at one of the amethyst chains, staring at the stone too close to her
eyes. She moved it back, till the chain was taut, and her vision wasn't
doubled. It looked like a normal gemstone. She closed her eyes, focusing on the
way it felt between her fingertips. Suzaku's inquiry was shushed. It felt odd.
This was noticed a while ago. There was the strange tingling too. Her brother
was a cruel man, crueler than the one who sired him even. His slip of words
finally made sense.
"That asshole. He made it seem like he was the one who unlocked it." She
mumbled.
Suzaku stayed motionless and confused on the couch when she unlinked fingers,
searching through her room. "What are you doing?"
"Suzaku. Can you leave and come back with something harder than a 7 on the
mohrs scale? Something stupid like a hammer would work." He didn't answer.
Suzaku thought she was crazy. "I'm not crazy. Schneizel is making me crazy."
That explanation trumped any that Suzaku gave. "These stones are linked to
Kamine Island, and to Narita. Well not Narita, but if that makes it easier for
you to understand we can go with that. When C.C. sent you those images, the
experience was similar to one I had on Kamine Island, right before you sold me
to my father." He winced at the way she nonchalantly said it. "It's called a
Thought Disturbing System. It can either be produced by a code-bearer, C.C.,
V.V., my father, probably, or recreated with technology. Schneizel was studying
the Thought Elevator when we were on Kamine Island with the Gawain. I looked
into the database, but a lot of it was just theology, and honestly I was more
interested from a military standpoint than esoteric or psychology study.
"The amethysts could be fake, but more than likely they are encasing some sort
of circuit. Quartz resonance can be used to give off a low electrical charge,
and there are three of them. Schneizel doesn't do anything without a reason.
They likely work off one another. That's not even considering the metaphysical
meaning behind the stone. It's linked to the third eye, and occultists believed
it could aid in psychic abilities, most commonly used in creating a link to the
ethereal realm. C's World. That would explain the strange vibrations I felt,
and why they look different. They are lab created in conjunction with modern
technology. Probably grown around small wires to ensure the right frequency."
"Doesn't that take a long time? I mean. No offense it was only four days after
he happened upon our meeting that he gave you the eye patch."
Lelouch looked up from where she was making holes in the floor with both her
eyes and the circles she was pacing. "He could have been working on it before.
Who's to say I'm not just a convenient test subject? The only things that don't
make sense is what you meant, or I meant by 'make her come out.' I don't
remember any of it. I thought I just spoke incoherent babble. Sometimes, if I
can remember things, it's like my body is talking and moving on its own accord.
It's all just babble though. Mostly I just remember feeling like something is
pulling me out. My soul is being sent elsewhere. To C's world." She stared into
his emerald eyes imploring him to comprehend what she was telling him. "We can
address your statement that he 'happened' to find me later. I have enough shit
to deal with. That's trivial in comparison."
"I'm still failing to see where a hammer comes in. I can't break the eye patch
off with it, and. "He clutched at the air by his heart, subconsciously
searching for something that wasn't there. "I don't have the key anymore."
"No, but you can break one of the stones. You have good aim, and this last
chain is pretty long. I trust you not to smash my head even when you're drunk.
I need to look inside of one, for confirmation if nothing else."
Suzaku give her a weak, pitying smile, and got up from the couch. He grabbed
her hand, pulling her into a tight embrace. Lelouch awkwardly reciprocated; her
arms were pinned to her sides. "I'm an idiot," he murmured into her hair.
Lelouch agreed. "I don't understand what you are saying. It's too far fetched.
One thing I do get is that it's a delicate system. It's your mind, Lulu, the
most amazing part of you. I won't just go smashing stones with a hammer to
satiate your curiosity. Who knows what could happen to you. Besides." He
trailed off, struggling to force the next part out. " You can't just think
about yourself anymore. Your body houses more than just you."
Her eyes went wide. The fetuses. Her son and daughter would be affected too.
Lelouch felt like a horrible mother for considering, for still considering,
shattering the stones. She was selfishly willing to put them in danger simply
to prove her theory correct. They weren't loved as much as Nunnally in action.
She would never even consider anything that put Nunnally in danger. Desperation
was making her rash, and hormones were making her emotional. She sobbed into
Suzaku's shoulder, bending slightly to reach it. They were exactly the same
height.
He said "there, there," rubbing her back. The gesture was painfully inept. His
consoling was always clumsy. Since the invasion, because of the invasion, and
what they went through together, there was always reluctance. Neither of them
felt like they could reach the other's despair; their worlds being broken at
such a young age. It was better to push each other forward than provide
comfort. The fact that he was making an attempt meant that he believed there
was no way out. Those rocks caused Lelouch to hit rock bottom.
She wasn't in the mood for sex anymore. Suzaku led her to the bed for another
reason. He wanted her to go to sleep. It was by far Lelouch's most useless, and
time consuming coping mechanism. She snorted, wondering if that's why Suzaku
liked cats so much. They reminded him of her. That thought was made from
conceit. Still, mulling over something stupid helped her sleep better than
counting sheep ever did.
Her head fit perfectly under his collarbone. It took them a while; almost the
whole relationship to find a comfortable way to cuddle that didn't make Suzaku
feel like 'the girl.' He would lie on his back, and she would curl at his side,
resting her head on his chest. This position brought Suzaku extra elation
because it allowed him better access to play with her (at the time) short
trendy hair. At this moment Lelouch loved it because it gave extra room for her
belly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the way they fit together. A few times she
would lift her head up and kiss him. The action was sweet, and reminded her of
Arthurian legend. She always wondered how Lancelot could be considered the
embodiment of virtue when he had a 'saintly affair.' It was unfortunate that
she was the combined Lady Morgause and Morgan. She even had a boy's name.
Lelouch wondered if the mythical Morgan found it as annoying as she did.
===============================================================================
Lelouch gulped as she made her way through the corridors. She only saw
Schneizel a few times, but she couldn't get what he did to her out of her head.
Every time she saw him in the medical wing, she thought of the amethyst stones.
She couldn't look at him with love anymore. All she could think about was his
promise of punishment, and all the wretched things he did to her previously.
Hadn't he had enough? The father of her children was a cruel man.
She was even crueler for not telling him that she felt movements, and that
Suzaku could feel movements on the outside of her belly. It happened a week or
two after the quickening first arrived. She never knew if Suzaku was going to
sneak into her room at night for kisses and cuddles. He touched her belly when
he thought she was sleeping. As if to ward him off, a forceful kicked sent him
across the room. It was clearly Suzaku's shock that forced him off the bed,
with a yelp from his throat. Lelouch chewed on her bottom lip. He hadn't
reached for her stomach since. His touch remained limited to her arms and above
the neckline of her dress.
Her children's kicks did little more than remind her of the intricacies of her
cage. She wasn't confined to Schneizel's prison because she had no physical way
out like before. Full, or almost full, access to the Avalon had been granted to
her. She could probably leave the Flying Fortress if she wanted. Surely she
could escape with Suzaku's help. The eye patch weighed her down. Without
knowledge of a trigger, there was no way to avoid her episodes. They could
become worse if she left. Their sporadic infrequent nature became a curse,
rather than a blessing. Was it linked to proximity? A thought pattern? She
wasn't certain she understood the mechanics of it, and wouldn't get any farther
with only Suzaku's help. If it weren't for her pregnancy she would just
shattered the stones already.
Any attempt to explore the hidden part of the Avalon carried the same results.
She passed out. Only unlike the first time, she didn't wake up in unfamiliar
territory. Her memory of what happened while unconscious was obviously
inaccessible. It would appear that no outside entity animated her body
thereafter. She would wake up in the same location, a few feet past the sliding
wall, without any indication of tampering. The fact that she woke up rather
than 'came back,' spoke volumes.
There was only one way to get answers to her questions. She had to seek out
Schneizel. Her body trembled with lust and anxiety at the thought of being near
him. It was embarrassing the amount of times she turned back, pretending she
was just roaming or on her way elsewhere. After a week of her 'daily exercise,'
Kanon stopped asking. He only smiled sweetly and rattled off her brother's
schedule for the following day. Whether or not she timed her walks around that
schedule need not be mentioned.
She didn't knock. The door wasn't locked. Lelouch squeezed her eye shut as the
oak swung on its hinges, feeling like she was willingly entering the lion's
den. Feeling slightly lightheaded, she stepped through the threshold. Whether
she automatically shut the door behind her out of habit or she caught the
attention poltergeist [2] was unknown. She definitely caught Schneizel's
attention.
His room looked similar to her quarters except the space held a more masculine
aura. The bed lacked a canopy, making it four-post style instead. The dinette
had solid backed chairs instead of chiavari. The walls were painted a shade
darker, making them tan with black trim rather than cream. The most drastic
difference was the fireplace. How he managed a real wood fireplace in a flying
airship was beyond her. If the situation were different she would be impressed.
She would also find the space inviting and not intimidating.
Schneizel looked up from the flames with a smile on his face. The light of the
fire made his features glow orange, with heightened shadows. If the situation
were different, the way the light danced on his figure wouldn't have been
intimidating either. He swirled his scotch, the clink of the ice against glass
made her heart skip a beat. In one final, lengthy sip he finished the alcohol,
placing the container on the mantle. Lelouch fought the urge to flee when he
made eye contact with her. "I suppose Kanon was right." He said, stalking
towards her like a predator to his prey. "He bet me that you would come today.
I figured you would rack up some more sins before coming to confessional."
"You're not a priest, Schneizel." Lelouch closed her eyes when he stopped
circling her, settling to stand behind her back. Goosebumps rose on her skin as
evidence of where he trailed his fingers up her arm, under the loose sleeves.
"I'm here to get secrets from you, not the other way around."
"Fufufu." He chuckled. "Technically, I'm a Cardinal [3]." He brushed the hair
off her shoulder, trailing kisses to her ear. "You should confess though.
Lying, terrorism, and adultery are all mortal sins."
She stifled a moan when he bit down on her earlobe. "I never said any vows to
you. Besides, so are fortification, sodomy, false oaths, incest, and rape."
His smile was felt against her flesh. "I never said I was innocent. You are
wrong on one. I have never done anything that you didn't want. Even the day I
fucked you, giving you bruises, you liked it. Your words might lie, Lulu, but
your body cannot." By the intake of breath by her ear, she could tell he was
delighted to find the absence of maternity granny panties. "Is my knight not
satisfying you, Dearest? You seem awfully aroused, like you haven't been
touched here in months." She did moan when he pushed between her wet folds to
find her clit. Her attempt to evade was quashed by a strong arm encircling her
chest. "Kururugi won't risk losing his payment of Area 11 to touch you?"
"What difference would it make? You're the one that said 'monogamy is to ensure
lineage.' I'm already pregnant."
"Mmmmm," he hummed, trailing his hand from her chest to her protruding belly.
"Indeed you are, and never have I seen you look so exquisite. However, I have
since learned that I am a jealous man. You said it yourself, Lulu. I own you.
You are only mine to touch. To penetrate." He pushed two fingers within her.
"Keep that in mind while you play pretend. But don't tell me you haven't
wondered why he will only kiss you, and makes no attempt to 'save' you from me.
You aren't worth it to him. He doesn't really love you."
His hands found the back her dress. Lelouch shivered when the garment fell to a
black, purple, and white puddle on the floor. She stood rooted in place as
Schneizel pulled away to rummage through a drawer underneath the bed. "And
you're going to say that you do? We've moved past that lie."
"I've always loved you, Lulu, more than any other sibling. Differently as I
became older. Seeing you go through puberty would have truly made me a 'dirty
old man.' I suppose in a way I should thank you for angering Father." He stood,
a strange looking strap of some sort in his hand. "Absence does make the heart
grow fonder."
"I'm here because of Nunnally and the eye patch. Because the episodes have
slowed enough I can't figure out what trigger you put in place for the Thought
Disturbing System. If you loved me, you wouldn't cause me to go into
convulsions."
"I disagree. Some convulsions are wonderful. You know from experience."
"That's not what I mean."
"I'm done talking about it." He gestured for her to step into a hole in the
strange web of straps. She glared down at it, backing away. "You have two
options, Lulu. Pain and pleasure, or just pain? I made my promise, but it would
be preferable for you to enjoy yourself."
He was deranged. Schneizel knelt down, making two leg holes. Lelouch gingerly
lifted her feet to step into each. A small silicone butterfly was positioned
against her clit. He clicked his tongue in approval, going back to the drawer.
Lelouch fought the urge to rip the thing off, feeling more exposed than before.
"I'm not -" she gasped when the butterfly began to pulsate, making a slow rhyme
on her sensitive spot. "Schneizel. Stop." Her attempt to remove the strapped
device proved he expertly tied it in place.
"I told you I'm done talking. Get on the bed. I warned you what coming to see
me would entail. Don't act so ignorant." He waited, eyebrow quirked while she
stood like a deer in the headlights. "And don't make me tell you again. Submit,
Lulu. It's nothing to feel shame over. If only you never lost your temper with
me, telling me your true feelings, I could have been in putty in your hands. I
suppose I have to thank your anger for giving me back control too."
She hated him, and everything about him. More so, she hated the way the
vibrator made her do what she was told in order to achieve release. She whined
in protest when he used the little remote to turn the beat off. That desire was
fleeting for when he closed the drawer, placing lubricant and another
contrivance on the end table, she bolted. The black leather, ties, and buckles
was freighting; Lelouch didn't care that she was stark naked. She made it
halfway to the door when he caught up to her, grabbing hold of her wrist. The
first strike connected with his free hand instead of the intended face. He
wrapped his fingers around her small fist.
"Let me go!"
"No." His voice wasn't calm like before. There was an upturn to his lips.
Schneizel found her amusing. "I promise, I won't harm you."
His oath didn't cause her to stop struggling. It was the glint of the necklace.
Lelouch closed her eyes and counted each inhale. He was likely to fall asleep
after sex. Even if he didn't, it wouldn't be hard to get the key from him. She
could wait it out, and ask to spend the night, assuming he didn't store it
somewhere out of reach. Giving the key to Kanon would be an example. Please let
him keep it around his neck. All she had to do was be agreeable until she could
get the damn thing, geass him to tell her everything, and give back Nunnally.
He let go when she nodded.
Schneizel led her back to the bed, pushing her down to sit with her legs tucked
under her butt. The soft leather went over her head, and buckled behind her
neck. Pulling her arms behind her back, he laced the single sleeve. "Tell me
when," Schneizel said when the armbinder was mostly put into place. Lelouch's
shoulder blades were almost touching by the time she complained. He let out
some slack and moved to face her, admiring the way her back forcefully bowed.
"You are perfection, Lulu, an example of God's artistic abilities." His voice
was heavy. "The way you are trembling, the embarrassed flush of your skin, the
subtle way your small, and yet pronounced belly displays my children growing
within you; if I could seal away this moment, I would. You are truly the most
beautiful creature I've ever seen."
"Is that what I am to you, Schneizel, a creature to tame? Is that why you aim
to destroy my mind with your device?"
"No!" He spat, rejecting the statement like it was blasphemy. He leaned to cup
her chin, rubbing the stain of the accusation from her lips. "Everything is to
protect you. If I must be seen as evil to protect you from a greater evil, so
be it. Surely you can sympathize, Dearest Sister, even if you do not understand
my actions."
"Then make me understand." She regretted such wording when he leered, and
leaned in for a demanding kiss. He painfully tugged on the hair at the nape of
her neck, craning her head upward to meet his crushing lips. "Explain
everything so I can understand you." Breathless pleading seemed appropriate
considering she was immobilized in her position. "Schneizel."
He searched her exposed eye, considering the request. "I will not destroy the
memories of a person you hold dear." Schneizel muffled her response with his
hand. "This conversation is over. Do I need to take a gag out too? I'd prefer
to hear you screaming." Her eyes went wide and a whimper escaped. "Good girl."
"Schneizel?" Lelouch bit the inside of her cheek when he nudged her forward,
lying on her stomach, her legs still tucked under her bottom. With her altered
center of gravity due to her pregnancy, she truly was immobilized. Even rolling
over proved impossible. "May I ask one more question?" She hated the way her
voice shook in response to him rubbing lubricant around her anus.
"One more. Make it count."
She closed her eyes, hissing in discomfort when a small butt plug was inserted.
It didn't feel at all small. By sensation alone, leaving logic to the wayside,
Lelouch would have assumed it was as big as fist. This clearly wasn't the case
considering the function of the item was to make her ready for something
smaller than that. Her skin tingled in trepidation, especially when he started
tracing the exposed base with his fingers. She squeezed her eyes closed
tighter, fighting the urge to protest, or ask a question such as "what are you
going to do to me?" It was obvious. His hand moved to caress her the space of
her lower cheek and upper thigh, waiting.
"Why did Father ask you to move my mother's corpse?"
Her eyes snapped open, and she screamed when that hand spanked. A loud smack
sound was barely audible, drowned out by her cry. The blow met her skin with
much more force than the last time. Tears stung her eyes at the contact,
soaking into the duvet. Schneizel switched on the vibrator, it's pulsating drew
out the sensation, warping it into something not completely unpleasant. He
lightly ran his fingers over the spot, appraising the mark.
"How many?" He asked before his hand came down again. The speed of the
vibrations increased to accommodate the added pain. She moaned shortly after he
stole another scream. "How many times should I hit you? How many more do you
deserve?"
"One," she croaked.
"Hmmm." He switched off her comforting device. She whined in protest. "Once per
time you acted against me sounds fair. You must confess for what each strike is
for though, Dear. Otherwise you won't receive any reprieve. Tell me if there is
anything else too. Your body cannot lie to me. I will know if they are shivers
of deceit."
Lelouch lost count of how many times he spanked her, drawing screams for her
red lips. Her ass was surely redder, a deep crimson from the blood accumulating
behind the surface. Schneizel pointed out that it was fitting considering the
blood spilt by her hands. The current Cold War was notwithstanding. One false
move and half the world would be slaughtered. He commended her control at
orchestrating the perfect stalemate. Xingke was a prodigy, but the Black
Knights actions reeked of her prowess.
He managed to get her to admit every time she searched through his files, and
tried to break into secured areas of the ship. Details of her 'saintly affair'
- he used the term in jest, were also revealed. Lelouch even admitted to
feeling fetal movements. She would admit anything to make it stop, or keep
going. She wasn't certain. The first orgasm he forced from her sent her into
frenzy. Pain and pleasure mixed into a blur. It was even more complicated, and
more confusing than love and loathe. They didn't even have similar phonetics.
"What else, Lulu?" His voice was thick with need. He was as ready as she for
this phase to be over. "You wouldn't expectantly arch if there wasn't something
else that would deserve punishment." Arching? No, she wanted to move away, not
towards his strikes. It was inconsequential; she couldn't move away or towards.
"There's nothing. I haven't done anything else."
She was grateful he didn't command her to divulge was she was planning for the
future.
"I forgive you." He said, kissing the inflamed aggravated flesh. She objected
when he removed the plug, adding more lube to the space. "Why not? You seem
rather fond of conflicts. It won't hurt too much, I apologize." It was a
strange thing to ask forgiveness for. "But it will be intense, my love."
He didn't speak false. His brief explanation did not do the act of anal sex
justice. Lelouch was lost in the feeling. The numbness of her arms and legs
from being in constricting positions, the throbbing of her butt whenever his
hip slammed against it; they were nothing compared to the mingled feeling of
the vibrator and his thrusts. Even those were secondary to the non-physical
sense of being completely helpless and dominated. She hated him for making
submission something lustrous. Her skin was slick with shining beads of sweat,
brought on by the turbulent waves of her constant state of climax.
Her hypothesis that he would be sated and sleepy didn't factor in how exhausted
she would be after sex. Lelouch wasn't certain if she passed out. She was
dazed, and limp when he finished. He began unlacing the restraints, rubbing
feeling back into her arms as he went. The bed shifted when he left it,
retrieving a tub of arnica gel that he liberally massaged into the sore skin of
her bottom and upper thighs. She moaned, making a feeble attempt to swat his
hands away.
"Lulu." He whispered, turning her to lie on her side like she was a rag doll.
His hand found her rounded belly, feeling the oxytocin induced contractions,
and kicks. She opened her eyes, watching the emotions play on his features. His
pastel purple orbs sparkled. His mouth was slightly open in a silent gasp. The
sharp lines of his cheekbones and chin seemed to soften.
Schneizel pressed lips against the area, kissing and murmuring to his unborn
children.
He stayed that way until after she dozed off. In the back of her mind she
registered him crawling up the mattress, and pulling her into his arms, and the
blanket over both of them. "Even if it's a lie, tell me you love me." He
requested, kissing the bridge of her nose.
***** The Pavement to Hell *****
Lelouch traced the wispy lines. She would have described them as delicate, or
fragile, however, her brother would never cast something so substantial in
anything other than platinum. The impossibly intricate design did little to
compromise the integrity of the item. It wasn't shaped like a key, not like the
common conception of object. There was neither bow nor blade. Cuts, a shoulder,
and definitely a tip were missing. The pendant was perfectly rounded. For how
much time was of the essence, she couldn't stop herself from admiring the
beautiful craftsmanship. The details of the item were ingrained in her memory,
and yet she never noticed how truly detailed it was.
Schneizel made it the embodiment of his feelings. It was funny, considering the
key was originally in Suzaku's possession. Maybe it was made of Suzaku's
emotions. He was more complicated first expected. No, the only person who could
compare to the artfully manipulated metal was her brother. It was abstract. The
more Lelouch stared at it, the more its image became nonsensical, and yet
recognizable.
Yggdrasil. Some say it is literally translated as "The Tree of Terrors."
The key was an abstract rendering of the Tree of Life, the cosmos embodied in
Norse Mythology. There was too much symbolism. What part of the fable did
Schneizel cling to: The branches reaching from heaven to hell; the water from
the Well of Urd, representing the past, feeding the tree, which is forever in
the present tense; the water that flows into the tree, dripping off the leaves
and dew, only to be absorbed back into the well? Time is not linear. It is
cyclical. Fate is influenced through the dew. The past is reshape, and the
present altered to fit. This is the only way free will exists, and yet doesn't
exist at the same time. Only magic affects reality actively, daily life can
only passively rewrite time. In both instances, reality lives between two
extremes of free will and unaltered fate.
Creation and destruction: The tree is both, and is constantly creating new
creators. Unlike Christianity, everything participates in this act. It is not
just act of one God. In this sense, Yggdrasil is able to be locked in the
present, and yet carries forth the world's ceaseless reinventing of itself.
Every present moment is the dawn of a new creation, and the destruction of the
past. There is no future in this story of Norse Mythology, at least not a
direct sense of the word.
During Ragnarok, "the ash Yggdrasil will shake and nothing will be unafraid in
heaven or on earth." The text does not say whether Yggdrasil survives such
event. It is assumed, when looking at the poem Völuspá, considering that
rebirth of the world happens after the destruction. In one interpretation two
survivors hide in Hoddmímis, arguably another name for the mythical tree,
rather than a literal forest, and repopulate the world. She severely hoped that
Schneizel didn't want to make incest a family tradition.
Lelouch sighed. She didn't want to try to understand Schneizel. As much as he
tried to suppress her power, both magical, and non-magical, he left hints for
her. It was like when he kept her in her apartment full time with no
entertainment. He wanted to see her crack the code to open the door. Nothing
was without reason. She was like a marionette doll, dancing on strings. It was
illogical to think that he felt the same way.
Of course there wouldn't be a clasp on the chain.
Schneizel stirred as she fed the silver colored chain around his neck,
searching for a way to remove the jewelry without waking him. She fought the
urge to scream at the never-ending loop. The almost unnoticeable soldered
section was pinched between her fingers. If she tried to lift it over his head,
he would surely rouse. He could be awake at that moment, waiting for her to
take action, like with the cuff links. He looked peaceful that morning too.
Lelouch counted several calming breaths before she turned, pushing her back
against his chest. She brushed the hair away from the back of the eye patch,
finding the small metal section. The only way she could unlock it was to cuddle
against him, and use the key while still on the chain. They would be facing the
same direction. If the movement of the chain, or the seemingly ear-splitting
sound of the mechanical lock turning (she assumed this process was as loud as
it connecting) alerted him, it would already be too late. He would just hold
her down and put the patch back on. Even if she threw the item, he could just
call for Kanon to retrieve it with his eyes closed. She moved to put his
cellphone under the bed before crawling in his arms once more.
After several fumbling attempts, she found the correct orientation, and turned
the piece. The sound was deafening. Schneizel mumbled, and shifted, rolling
onto his back. Lelouch was grateful it was not a normal key; otherwise it would
have still been stuck in the hole. He definitely would have noticed not being
able to roll over due to a taut chain around his neck. She picked up the eye
patch, feeling an odd sense of anxiety to actually have it removed by her
choice. The last time she was freed, she acted as Schneizel's obedient pet. A
part of her feared that when push came to shove, she would break down again. So
far all her acting out did nothing to actually change things.
The strange desire to put it back on, and curl up to sleep was not expected.
She sat on the bed, tracing the purple swirls like how she did the lines of the
key. It's hard to say how long she stayed that way. Her indecision was
deplorable. Hormones were making her both rash and ambivalent. The latter was
fitting, given the situation. How could she know how to feel about Schneizel
when there was more disparity in his personality than her previous persona of
Zero? Her body was still sore from the pain he put her through the day before.
Still she wasn't as sore as she could have been. If Schneizel didn't repeatedly
rub arnica on her butt and thighs throughout the night to reduce bruising and
the discomfort, it would have been worse.
He was an affectionate older brother, a ruthless lover, a sympathetic jailer,
and a cold-blooded strategist. She wasn't certain she wanted to know which one
was the real Schneizel. With the eye patch off, she could just leave while he
was sleeping, and not come back. His door wasn't locked. Anyone outside of it
would be dealt with accordingly. To the best of her knowledge, the only person
under her control was Suzaku. He would give her no trouble. It was unfortunate
that he likely wasn't even aboard, busy with maintaining forced peace in Area
11, and the Cold War. He surely found the former preferable since Cornelia was
back in the position as Vicereine.
Lelouch could turn back, and take Kallen up on her offer to just say "fuck it,"
leaving everything behind. Her friend was begrudgingly acting as the pseudo
leader of the Black Knights. She wouldn't complain about abandoning the post.
The blood on their hands was a stain that would never be removed. It was,
however, a stain at this point. The wound Zero created on the world had
successfully coagulated. It was no longer dripping with blood, and wouldn't
unless she acted out on it. The UFN was already destroyed. A part of her didn't
even care anymore.
A long time ago, when creating the UFN charter, Xingke mentioned that he wasn't
a fervent believer in democracy. This came to no surprise; he was devoted to
the Tianzi. He said, "Sometimes it's better to be ruled by a benevolent
dictator than let the ignorant masses make decisions." Schneizel wasn't that
person, she didn't think. He could be. He had the potential to take up another
mask. He would never be the Dali Lama in Tibet, but he could stop all wars. All
physical wars had stopped. It was a stalemate. If she backed out, Schneizel
would win. He could have it all, but he wouldn't have her.
He would still have Nunnally.
Lelouch turned without thinking when she felt Schneizel stir, reaching for her
to lie down again. Such motions are done more with muscle memory than conscious
choice. Their eyes locked, and he panicked. The interaction was less than a
second, and an eternity at the same time. The spinning top that was their
fucked up relationship dropped. It would poetic if the meant she ordered him to
"die," or another similar command. Instead they stayed that way in a stalemate
similar to the one they had in their chess match played with real soldiers. The
only difference was that Schneizel looked away, turning his head to see the
dying embers of the fire.
She couldn't force him to look at her. He was too strong. Any attempt to go
near him would result in her eminent demise. She would be wrapped up in his
arms, and he would drag her to the eye patch, putting it back on while she
flailed. Ironically, Schneizel couldn't go near her. Lelouch stood up from the
bed, turning to face him. If he attempted to come for her she could clumsily
evade, or the distance would be enough to geass him. Peripheral vision counted
as eye contact.
He looked surprisingly small. It was hard to believe that not even twelve hours
ago he towered over her in both size and spirit. He completely controlled her
body. She was helpless, begging for release in every sense of the word. At this
moment he reminded her of a kitten. The lion's den indeed. Oh how the mighty
have fallen. She smirked, and slipped back into her dress, never taking her
eyes off him and she goaded.
"Lulu, stop. You're making a mess." He gently reprimanded.
Lelouch let another book fall to the ground with a loud thump. She was making
her rounds, knocking trinkets, and decorations to the floor as she saw fit,
provoking him to look up. Her sensitive, sore skin tingled with audacity of her
actions. The sight of his trembling form was making her feel drunk, a sensation
missed due to medical necessity. She understood why he gave her such a leer the
night before, when she was tied up, shaking with trepidation and desire.
Despite herself, she found herself wanting to straddle him, and pull his hair
back in a brutish kiss.
"Make me."
"Lelouch. Stop."
His voice wasn't at all intimidating.
"Why did Father ask you to move my mother's body?"
"I don't know." He ground out through his teeth.
His face remained turned towards the door. Those eyes squeezed shut when she
came into his field of vision. Lelouch knew better than to assume he was truly
terrified. It was a look of feigned submission she gave him many times before.
Whenever she was biding her time, biting at the inside of her cheek, she would
give him a similar stance. Lelouch wondered how he got so good at it. If it
weren't for her intimate knowledge on the subject of schemes and subjugation,
the subtleties would have gone unnoticed.
"Your body cannot lie, Brother." She quoted him. He seemed surprised to hear
his role, rather than name. "I know your shivers are made of deceit."
"Why does it matter?"
The question shocked her enough that she missed another opportunity. No. It was
a missed chance for him to trick her into giving a useless order. Their eyes
met for a second time, however, the moment was experienced in real time. He
sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Her eyes widened when he stood from
the bed, making his way to the dresser. The action aggravated her. They were on
equal terms; Schneizel still chose to ignore her. She fought the urge to
confront him, knowing full well that was his intention.
"How can you ask me such a question?" Her confusion was evident in her voice.
Even though they never formally talked about it, he should know. Schneizel
should know that she sought revenge for her mother's death. That was why she
hated their father. "You know why."
"Even if it changes everything?"
"I became Zero to do just that."
"But you didn't change anything!" He slammed the drawer shut. His soft button
up shirt was forgotten, halfway out, dangling against the dark wood. "Not to
them. To them this world, and those who live in it don't even matter! You just
played your part like a good little marionette doll, bringing C.C. right to
them. That's all. Everything else was just child's play."
Schneizel was visibly upset, or maybe it was good acting. Lelouch wasn't
certain. His shoulders were tight and he sighed again. The draw was opened, and
the shirt removed. She watched him dress in silence. In hindsight it was
obvious that he was acting with a purpose. Nothing is without a reason with
Schneizel. Only she was overcome with hormone induced emotional swings.
Sympathetic pregnancies did not really exist. Still, at that moment she
couldn't help but be slightly surprised when he looked up in the mirror.
"What are you talking about, Schneizel? Just tell me!"
His rigid body became relaxed. All the tension faded and a non-human calm
washed over his features. As if a pause button on anything other than the
question ceased. Those hands stilled mid motion, only the tip of the pin
penetrated that fine silk of his ascot. Pastel purpose orbs were rimmed with
red. His explanation sounded like a computer recording. The melodious voice
contained even less sentiment than usual. It didn't fit the horrifying words
coming from his mouth.
"The Ragnarok connection. Father, V.V., and your mother's plan to forcefully
make humanity blend with the collective unconscious. Every move on the
chessboard was for that end. I was asked to hide her body because our uncle
might possibly know of the geass given by C.C. His murder made no difference.
Marianne still lived in Anya's mind. In your mind now."
Lelouch falters like she had been physically struck. "Is that why you created
the Thought Disturbing System? To limit mother?" Her voice was pained. He
didn't answer. "Explain it to me!"
"Yes and no. I started developing it to see if it could be in conjunction with
weaponry. It wasn't until recently, when I was able to apply my research with
Code R, and infuse my geass abilities; that it became a functioning system.
When the program senses the surfacing of a second geass, it trips the system.
However, since both abilities live within your mind, it is impossible to
distinguish whom the system is targeting. Sometimes it's you and sometime it is
Marianne. It slowed since I convinced her to jump to Nunnally for fear that it
was harming the babies. Now it only goes off if she returns to you to seek me
out, or if you get too close to your sister."
Nunnally? Nunnally is on the Avalon?
"You would use Nunnally?! You would lock her up like me?"
"No. I have no desire to use Nunnally like how I've used you. Not even at
Father's request. She is in stasis unless Marianne animates her. My geass put
her in a dream state, and in the world of C. I told Marianne the reason
Nunnally is easier to control was because her geass is not always active."
Lelouch felt like she was drowning. She fell to the floor, and tucked her legs
up as best she could around her belly. The cool wood both soothed and
aggravated her sore ass. "Who gave you geass?" She didn't want to believe C.C.
would enter a contract with either of them.
"I received mine from Father the day after you were captured. Nunnally was the
first of our generation to enter a contract. V.V. gave it to her as a toddler.
You do not remember because when Father altered Nunnally's memories to forget
the details of Marianne's murder, and make her blind, he also altered yours to
forget about her geass. Since her eyes are permanently shut you would never
know."
It was too much to take in. By the time Lelouch could process the information,
the red rings were gone from Schneizel's eyes. Her mother's spirit was alive, a
ghost, possessing her children. Nunnally had geass. Schneizel had it too, and
used it as a shock collar against her mother, and to put Nunnally into a coma.
Lelouch flinched when he reached out to touch her. She didn't have the energy
to fight him.
"I would never hit you, Lulu." She snorted. "Not like that." He lifted her head
to meet his gaze. He stared into her eyes, both eyes, and asked, "What did I
tell you?"
"Not enough, and too much." He stroked her cheek, comforting. "Please,
Schneizel let me see Nunnally. Don't use her like a tool."
"She's not as innocent, and pure as you think. Tell me, Lulu, if the road to
hell is paved with good intentions, and we demons for our actions; what would
an angel's heart look like?"
"I'm not in the mood for philosophy."
Lelouch allowed him to help her up out of necessity. Schneizel might have
called her belly small, but she felt like a whale. His mannerisms were even
more odd than before. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, staring into her
red eye. His comment that he "had forgotten what her whole face looked like,"
was appropriate, and didn't meet as much irritation as expected. They stayed
like that for a good while. The stalemate was over. Her power was used up. He
looked down on her because of his abnormally tall stature. With secrets
revealed, he saw her as an equal partner, and not someone he needed to hide
from the truth.
"Why did you ask me to say those words last night?" She asked, subconsciously
leaning into his caress. He was repeatedly brushing his fingers through her
tresses, massaging her scalp as he went.
"I asked a lot of you last night, what in particular?"
She bit her lip.
"Ah. Because I wanted to hear it. No more, and no less. It fit the mood, at
least the one I was feeling. You shouldn't look too much into it."
It felt anticlimactic, but right at the same time. Lelouch nodded, and pulled
away from his touch. She glanced once again at the eye patch, discarded on the
floor by the foot of the bed. Like Schneizel, it didn't seem as big any longer.
Truth be told, it wasn't that big to begin with. It was seen in actual size.
The smooth, unfaceted stones looked dull in comparison to the glint of the
metal chain.
Schneizel sighed, and lifted the key over his head, placing the necklace around
her neck. The pendant nestled between her cleavage, falling level with her
heart. She absently ran her fingers over the intricate lines. A part of her
wanted to ask 'why now?' It would ruin the mood; something she didn't want to
destroy. Instead she asked a much more practical question.
"If I go in that section of the ship, will I see Nunnally or my mother?"
***** A Wedding, a Funeral, and a Truce *****
"Do not seek out Nunnally or Marianne, Lulu." Schneizel requested, drawing her
into his arms. "Wait. I beg of you."
"You expect me to just let you keep her that way? It's Nunnally." Lelouch's
voice didn't contain the animosity she surmised. Schneizel's tone and rubbing
her belly only added to his previous statement. She had to choose. He wanted
her to choose the twins over Nunnally, to leave her as a host for Marianne, and
just go about her day as per usual. She felt them shift, squirming away or
towards his touch. "There has to be another way. Jeremiah could -"
"No." He left no room for argument, not even from her. The hairs at the back of
her neck tickled from the sigh that escaped as he nuzzled her neck. "I'm in the
same position as you are Lulu, except I have no room to argue, to test, or,
thankfully, the pleasure of such punishment." She grunted. "I would rather you
stand beside me than against me. However, I do not trust you."
"I -" she bit the inside of her cheek, turning to face him. "I will not act
against you." He didn't believe her. "You gave me the key. I could go anyway."
"You could."
His actions were making no sense. She couldn't read him. A part of her wanted
to believe that was because he was actually acting genuine, and not in a
predetermined role. The comfortable silence that followed seemed unfeasible,
considering everything, but Schneizel was reaching out to her. It wasn't like
before. She could choose not to believe him. That wouldn't change the altered
feel of his embrace, or her desire to make things work.
"What would you do if I went to see Nunnally?"
"Hmmmm." He planted one last kiss on the top of her head, something he hadn't
done since she was a child, and walked to the eye patch. He didn't examine it.
It was quickly scooped up into his hands, and he gestured for her to come to
him. "There are many things. I could punish you like last night, or maybe limit
you to your room again, only without Kururugi's assistance it would require a
new lock system." He brushed the hair away, locking the device. It felt tighter
than before. It was weighed down by the knowledge of its function.
"Really, my dear, much would depend on how you interacted, and if only your
sister's body or Marianne greet you. How am I to know you won't tell her of my
actions simply to spite me? My geass is not yet developed enough to kill
Father. As you know, you cannot kill him either. He would be unwilling,
requiring more power to bring about his death, and more importantly; he is not
your benefactor.
"You have given me no reason to trust you. I have taken what I could, and you
have offered your body with a specific intent; there is still much left to be
desired. I am done with you being my opponent, Lulu. As much as you wish to
stand against me, there is no reason for it now. I could even infer that is not
your true desire, considering all you have done lately is throw tantrums that
you knew would make no difference. The Black Knights are a shadow of the
organization it used to be. That's not just because of your location either."
She hated him. He was testing her, provoking as she did him, except the price
was much higher. Even if she commanded him to be her slave it would have be a
lighter sentence. The night before was only a taste of how much he wanted her
to give into him.
"I will give you my vows." He laughed at the somber tone, tucking hair behind
her ear.
"And why should I believe in them? You have told me you loved me before, and it
was a lie. Besides. Such a marriage would never be accepted. Gino almost
recognizing you pointed that out. Even with the title of Emperor, this is
something only you can change. I will allow Jeremiah and whoever else you wish
for accompaniment if you are my Empress. Not one of many consorts, but my only
wife."
He was asking too much, and yet he offered her everything in that statement.
Nunnally's predicament was not something he could lie about, being under the
influence of her geass when it was spoken. If this was the price she had to pay
for her sister, and her children, then so be it. It's funny, really. When
Suzaku sold her to her father, she was worth a title of Knight of Seven. That
worth multiplied with Schneizel, assuming he were to keep his promise, making
Suzaku Knight of One. In selling herself she could receive the title of
Empress, and more importantly, the most important, free Nunnally, even if such
action had to wait until after the twins were born. Schneizel's words were
meaningless. Nunnally was the reason she fought to live. She didn't want their
children to be condemned to a life of shame either.
"Done."
He smiled, and kissed her on the mouth. His contentment mixed with her dread,
making their lip lock a tongue-tied dance more awkward than her and Suzaku's
reunion. If she remained with him, even a saintly affair, it would be just
that: an affair. Even as Empress she wouldn't be free from Schneizel's
reprimand. Suzaku would not be either. As the Knight of Seven he was, but with
Schneizel on the throne that would change. This was the real reason Schneizel
didn't mind her flirting. He knew he would win in the end. It was possible he
saw Suzaku's betrayal as an advantage. Her brother would rather the knight be
loyal to her than lackluster to him.
===============================================================================
Schneizel left the key in her possession to prove a point. He knew that she
would choose to wear the thing than not. It wouldn't save Nunnally, at least,
not yet. Her mother animated her sister's body. There was nothing Lelouch could
do to stop her; it truly was a most powerful geass. Jeremiah could send her
back to C's world, but as Lelouch understood it, her mother was a spirit.
Unless the threads connecting her to all her hosts were severed, there was a
means for her to return to the physical realm.
The one to Anya was presumably severed when the previous Knight of Six came in
contact with Jeremiah during the second battle for Tokyo. No doubt it was part
of the plan to distract the knight after Lelouch's staged death. How much was
Schneizel acting on his own? It was too convenient that his geass involved
sending people's mind to C's world whereas Marianne's was to possess a mind.
They were two sides of the same coin; they fed off one another.
The more Marianne jumped, the more her geass evolved, and the easier it was to
attain longer possessions. That was her condition: a time limit. Schneizel had
the ability to send her away, and managed to infuse his abilities with the
crystals similar to C.C.'s powers being the basis of Geass Canceler. This
allowed his geass to evolve without detection. It was used by proxy. Without
such technology, he could only connect to one mind at a time. With the advent
of his altered Thought Disturbing System, he was able to make it two, however,
it fed off Marianne. He could connect the delicate system that already existed
since most of the parameters were already met. Without Her mother, and that
system, then Nunnally would have been used. Each time the thread that binds the
mind to the body becomes weaker; it was better to keep her in a state of
stasis, and constant sleep.
Lelouch wasn't so naive as to think that a part of him used his system control
her too. He made it seem like he was the only one who could help her out of an
"episode," for a reason. Her brother was a master manipulator. His profession
of love did not translate into action, at least, not in her mind. If he loved
her, he wouldn't weave a web that left her completely immobile.
He seemed to think differently.
Jeremiah could break both Schneizel's, and her parent's geass hold on Nunnally.
With Nunnally set free, he was free to cast another line. That would alert her
parents. It was better for her to pretend to be patient, and stand with
Schneizel. Their father held all the cards. The Emperor had the power to
destroy God, and the world at his fingertips. Whatever reason he had to delay
such actions didn't change the fact that one false move would send them all
back to the past, to a state of objective unconsciousness. To Lelouch, that was
a fate worse than death since there would be no option of rebirth.
Schneizel's hold on Lelouch was already set in stone, both amethyst and the
standard diamonds. He played her like a damn fiddle. He had her eating out of
the palm of his hands. All he had to do was mention Nunnally and she was his
again. Lelouch was fairly certain he timed his geass, and the situation to his
own advantage. He knew she would continue to be a victim of the stones in order
to develop his geass enough to kill Charles. It was the only option.
Her brother left little time for her to prepare, or go back on their promise.
Lelouch was summoned to his room not long after the verbal agreement. One could
argue it was all planned out ahead of time. Schneizel was afforded
preparations. He had everything ready, waiting, possibly since Honari Island.
Her parole was also a test, and the contract was supposed to be her reward. It
seemed like something Schneizel would do.
He stood near his dinette. A quill pen, two small, lacquered boxes, and a crisp
piece of paper were on the table. She glanced at Kanon when he put a reassuring
hand on her shoulder, urging her forward. Schneizel already owned her, having
it in writing would make no practical difference. Logically a legal marriage
was to her advantage. She wouldn't just be his toy any longer. A shackle would
be around his ring finger too. Whether he would view it as such, and adhere to
tradition; only time would tell.
"If I remember correctly, you were never one to play wedding, or imagine
details of a grand affair like our sisters." Schneizel stated, picking up the
pen. He held it out to her. "Euphie was always the worst. She continued to do
fantastical until the end."
"At the time I already knew my fate: marriage for political gain. It was
unlikely something worth celebrating, so I never bothered to imagine until..."
She trailed off. Her daydreams that began after being ostracized, of marrying
Suzaku in a traditional shrine, and honeymooning at a lavish Ryokan were
obsolete. The invasion killed them long ago. "I suppose things have come full
circle."
"Indeed they have."
She took the pen from him, skimming the contract. It was standard. Lelouch
wasn't certain if that brought comfort or not. A monogamous marriage meant she
would never be outside his scrutiny. It also brought her power that would be
impossible otherwise. She could have taken the title of Empress herself if
everything went according to her original plan. It essentially was the same
end. Her name was signed with a steady hand.
"I still want to hear vows from you, even if this is not the wedding I would
have preferred. Kanon remains my witness." Schneizel picked up the box to the
right, removing a small band made of platinum swirls around flawless diamonds.
Lelouch closed her eyes as he slid the jewelry on her ring finger. "I,
Schneizel El Britannia, take you, Lelouch Vi -No. Lulu Lamperouge, to be my
wife, and these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and honest with
you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with
you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you
better to understand ourselves; through the best and worst of what is to come,
and as long as we live."
He waited for her to do the same. Where her hands were steady writing her name,
Lelouch was trembling as she removed the larger ring, solid with the same
pattern etched, rather than cut out, from the velvet slot. "I take you," she
paused to catch her bearings. It was silly for her to feel anxious, and dizzy
despite the lack of a ceremony. The words he wanted her to say remained the
same. "Schneizel. I take you, Schneizel, to be my husband." She paused again.
He placed his hand over her white knuckled one, helping her slide the ring on
his finger. "And these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and
honest with you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my
life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with
you better to understand ourselves; through the best and worst of what is to
come, and as long as we live."
It wasn't giving up her former name, Lelouch Vi Britannia, that phased her.
That person was supposed to have died eight years ago. It was only because of
C.C. that her family name was ever used again. Without the witch, she would
still be at Ashford with Nunnally, writing up expense reports. She still would
have made a move against Britannia; Geass merely accelerated her plans. There
was a chance this would have been the eventual end to that alternate reality.
There was a chance that marrying Schneizel was her fate. It was a path of the
dew that couldn't be altered. No matter the journey, she would have been his.
None of her philosophizing mattered. There already existed a much more romantic
story than the truth. Her maiden name was Lulu Lamperouge. Schneizel her met
through Suzaku. When the Prime Minister happened to meet Lulu at Kururugi
shrine prior to the Second Battle of Tokyo, when summoning the Knight of Seven
to war, her beauty beseeched him. Schneizel was a humble man despite his royal
upbringing. The fact that she was a commoner did not sway his attraction, or
confidential courtship. He was like his father in that regard. Marianne the
Flash, arguably the Emperor's favorite courtesan, was also a self-made woman.
Their marriage was already built on mistrust and lies. The cover story was just
the icing on the cake. He used her sister to keep her in line. When that
failed, he broke her spirit, warping her mind till she enjoyed his company, and
her gilded cage. He was cocksure thinking he could use her geass against the
UFN. It worked, but only so much. Being freed from her cage, and seeing Kallen,
brought of the reality of her situation that was previously overshadowed by
Schneizel's fantasy. He learned from his mistake, and opted to use a carrot
instead of the stick. He still used his stick; despite the situation, she could
hardly call it punishment. She was past feeling shame for such bodily
reactions.
Perhaps Schneizel was right to call her activities hormone induced temper
tantrums. Lelouch wasn't sure what to think of him. She mostly loathed him,
everything about him, and everything he did to her. His intentions didn't
change his actions. She couldn't blame him for her choice, however. As much as
she hated to admit it, the children in her womb, and the ring on her finger did
bring about a sense of loyalty to the man. She would gladly erase all memory of
her other existence in order to give the twins the facade of a happy family.
Nunnally, Kallen, Suzaku, and Milly would be the only ones who knew the truth.
"This couldn't have come at a better time. I've gained the world and you all
within the same week." Schneizel said, drawing her back from her musing. The
ring was finally slid all the way on his finger. "Then again, one cannot exist
without the other. You make everything possible, my wife."
She stood still when he pulled the chain around her neck taunt in order to make
the key reach the lock. Kanon took that as his cue to exit. Schneizel cupped
her chin in his hand, preventing her from watching the assistant leave. Lelouch
continued to feel lightheaded from the surreal event. She broke eye contact to
stare down at her ring; the new shackle. It was dainty compared to his, but
still thick enough to feel heavy on her hand. She couldn't close her fingers
around it, at least, not to where the skin touched.
"I believe it to be customary to kiss now." Schneizel said, tilting her head
upward.
"Nothing about this is customary."
"Would you have preferred a beach ceremony? I suppose I was selfish to not ask
your opinion. It felt imperative to have you at my side when formally ascending
to the throne. We could do this again; there is a lovely location in the south
of France."
"The throne?"
"Father cannot initiate Ragnarok, and yet he continues to be obsessed with that
finale. He is dead to this world, and my time to rule it has come. Our time,
Lulu. I have forgiven everything up until now, as you just promised towards
me." He thumbed her bottom lip. "You have spoken your vows, and I choose to
trust in them. Do not disappoint me."
He stole her response with his kiss. That is not an accurate statement, an
account that Lelouch wished to be true. He bent to press their noses together.
His lips remained hovering, waiting for her to initiate. She had done so
before, but never in such a fashion. She was irrational, and after that she
aimed to control him, a goal she was never able to accomplish. Lelouch lived
for white lies, finding them more beautiful than the truth; she didn't want to
lie on her wedding vows. The culprit could be hormones, they appeared to be the
bane of her life, and the reason she tenderly bridged the gap, sealing her
promise.
He skillfully maneuvered her to the bed, herding like a sheepdog, coaxing moans
from her mouth rather than questions. His hands lovingly forced whimpers from
her throat, a complete contrast to the last time he fucked her. Lelouch fought
the urge to complain, to protest, and to ask him to be cruel or hurt her. That
was the past, and he was giving her a new future.
Schneizel looked at her similarity to the first time they had sex, like she was
the most amazing person in the world. Except his caress wasn't ranging from
irritatingly light, to almost painful. He treated her as if she were made of
glass. Yet, there was no hesitation when he untied the knot at the back of her
dress. He seemed to kiss every inch of her skin, lingering at her belly. The
sweet nothings he whispered to the twins prior to the act, and the slow, gentle
way he licked her clit, gave her a saccharine orgasm that made even less
genuine words spill.
"I love you." His tantalizing thrusts caused her to say the words several more
times. "Schneizel. Please." Lelouch was his in every sense of the word. There
wasn't much left to be desired. Some solace came that she owned Schneizel back.
The ring around her finger was his promise.
She stared at it after they finished. Schneizel kissed her nose, and drew her
into his arms, drawing circles on her skin. He smiled against her hair,
chuckling at the game he developed. He tapped her belly, and the children would
answer by wiggling towards that area. The scene registered in the back of her
mind. A part that wasn't transfixed by Fibonacci inspired patterns and leaves
carved into gold beamed at his cuteness.
"Schneizel." His response was mumbling into her hair. "I want to leave for a
few days."
"Why?"
It was an odd response to an odder comment. "I have a funeral to attend."
"I told you," he sighed, "Nunnally is not dead."
"No. It's for Suzaku's cat. I'm still technically student council president
since Milly graduated. It's mandatory I be there."
Schneizel laughed at her request to postpone his formal coronation for a cat.
It wasn't really a request. Still, her new bondage brought freedom. He agreed
that such important matters should come first.
===============================================================================
Arthur was buried in the quad at Ashford Academy. Suzaku took him the day that
he died. Since he was an adult when he was found, it was hard to say the
feline's age. He didn't deteriorate, or give any indication for illness. One
day Rivalz called Suzaku, saying that the rugby team found Arthur. He looked
like he was sleeping, waiting for Suzaku to reach out to bite.
The knight happened to be with Lelouch at the time. The Student Council
Treasurer, promoted vice-president, but acting president, could "recognize that
over exaggerated fake snore anywhere." Thus plans for a formal funeral were
born. All living members of the student council were accounted for, even Rolo,
who came out of hiding to take finals. Lelouch bit her tongue that Nunnally
would remain absent. The younger Lamperouge sibling wasn't remembered.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Suzaku asked the moment the two stepped
onto what remained of the campus.
Lelouch nodded, snuggling deeper in her jacket. "I'm quite fond of this
development. The historians will have a field day with this the end of the Cold
War, and hostile relations between the Black Knights, and Britannia was because
the main members of such organizations gathered together over the death of a
cat." Lelouch responded, giving a reassuring smile. "Sorry. Maybe we should try
to bring him back to life? I will have hydrangeas planted throughout Tokyo and
Pendragon.[1] the best scientists in the world will be commissioned to create a
resurrection potion."
"Lelouch, I'm serious."
"So am I."
Their conversation was cut short when Lelouch was nearly tackled by the Knight
of Three. "I knew it was you!" Gino yelled, almost knocking Lelouch over with
the force of his bear hug. Apparently the colored contact, rather than eye
patch was enough to reveal her identity. "Why didn't you say anything before?"
He dragged Lelouch away from Suzaku, as oblivious to the situation as ever.
"Nerves," felt like the appropriate answer. Lelouch was far too busy being
absorbed by the ridiculous atmosphere. Rivalz commissioned a small statue to be
built by the carpentry club. It was placed in the center of the quad, near the
fountains. After being in the state environment of the Avalon so long, she
almost forgot the season. In the background, students were hanging Christmas
lights on the trees, and the buildings.
The student council members, honorary and official, were all in their school
uniforms, separated by Political affiliations. For obviously reasons, Lelouch
was unable to participate. Instead she wore a kaki jacket over her black and
white dress. The non-members were dressed in black suits and dresses.
Nina, Kallen, Ohgi, and a very pregnant Villeta, the former facility adviser,
stood to the right. Lelouch sympathized with the way the woman kept her arms on
her lower back, and waddled. Gino led her to the left, near Anya. Jeremiah
rigidly stood by the pink haired girl. Rolo seemed unsure of where to go once
he noticed her. Milly and Rivalz looked to be in their own little world.
The silence was near unbearable.
"Did anyone prepare a Eulogy?" She asked, looking at Suzaku. He shrugged. "Of
course not." Lelouch's sighed and twisted the band around her finger, feeling
antsy. She walked up to the statue.
"Arthur was more than just a cat. This is evident by who all came to see him
off: in the midst of a Cold War, we neglected our animosities, and agendas to
say farewell. Truly, no human could bring us together like this." Lelouch
paused, remembering Shirley's burial. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek.
"For the first time in my life, I'm going to be honest about something. I
didn't like Arthur, at least, not as much as the rest of you. He was too much
like me, perhaps. We always hate in others what was despise about ourselves. He
was selfish, unreliable, and thought far too highly of himself for being
nothing more than a picked up stray. I did think it was funny when he would
bite Suzaku.
"Arthur was the reason for many events, and "nyaaa," became this start of all
sporting events, festivals, and for a week there; it also replaced bells to
signify time to switch classes. He will live on in our hearts. We will all find
a special way to remember him," she paused, feeling the kids kick. A wry smile
tugged at her lip. "I already have. Anyone else want to say something?"
Lelouch fought the urge to grab hold of Suzaku's hand when she moved to his
side. He surely did the same by the way the tips of their fingers continued to
brush against the other. The smart decision would be to move, to not stand so
close to him. It hadn't even been a week since she said vows to Schneizel, and
she was already entertaining adultery. Holding hands was innocent though.
Everything about her and Suzaku's relationship was innocent.
He moved to rub her lower back when she began to cry. She was crying over a
damned cat. There wasn't much lower she could sink. When Milly finally finished
her account, using her theatrics to fill potential, the only one with dry eyes
was Jeremiah. Lelouch wasn't certain the cyborg could even shed tears.
"Big Sister!" Rolo yelled the moment the funeral was over. His reserve, and
shock over seeing her vanished during he somber event. She didn't object when
he gave her a much more emotional, but less forceful, hug.
"So Lulu, do you want to explain why you just disappeared all of a sudden,
without telling anyone, during the first strike of the war? Milly and I thought
you were dead! Your little brother was distraught, running away from home to
search for you." Rivalz paused, staring down at her belly. "I thought we were
best friends, buddy. You go off and marry Suzaku, and get pregnant and you
don't even tell me? I wouldn't have minded being fought over for best man or
man of honor. I wouldn't wear a dress so I couldn't be 'maid of honor.' Sorry,
buddy."
"I - I didn't marry Suzaku."
"Yeah. This guy?" Once again, Gino neglected to read the room. He poked Suzaku
in the face. "Nah. They might have a history, but she nailed the Prime
Minister."
"Whoa! That makes you royalty! Milly! Lulu is royalty now!" Rivalz exclaimed,
drawing a crowd of passerby students that were shooed away by the previous
president.
"Yeah. I know." Milly whispered before adopting her fanciful façade face. "I
mean. We got the scoop at the station not long ago. To have been swept away by
the second Prince Schneizel is really... Amazing. Care to share why he waited
so long to announce you as his wife?" Milly was obviously shocked and salty
that the juiciest story of the century could not be told. That was her cross to
bear in this whole mess. "Especially since he requested we wait a week."
"Probably no more than a footnote against the news to come." Lelouch mumbled.
"I know it's bad taste to speak business at a funeral, but I don't think the
cat would mind." She looked over to the Black Knights portion of the group,
raising an eyebrow at Gino's failed attempt at flirting with Kallen. "Ohgi, I
hear you are back to being the CEO of the Black Knights since Xingke accepted a
position on the council."
"Uh. Yeah." He responded in a characteristically awkward tone.
"I would like you to step down, or better yet, suggest to assimilate into
Britannian military, and then step down. I'm prepared to offer you the position
of Viceroy in a treaty. The position being taken over by you, and the
abolishment of the number system should be enough. I'm sorry I cannot offer to
free Japan; it would create a domino effect. Britannia barely maintains a
supermajority over the UFN. If I start losing territory that will end. It is
better for the world to be ruled by one benevolent dictator in peace, than
broken up enough to fight wars. Besides, being given to Suzaku seems like an
appropriate end, considering his father was the last lawfully elected ruler."
"Given to Suzaku? Only the Knight of One receives Territory, and from the
Emperor, not you." Anya retorted monotone, taking a picture of Ohgi and
Villetta's stunned faces.
"Schneizel has left such affairs to me. Soon he will be announcing his
ascension to the throne. No one will object." Lelouch paused, letting her
meaning sink in for those who knew of her geass. "It would be preferable if we
could settle things here and now. The paperwork can come later. "
"Why now?" Nina asked.
"The bluff of the FLEIJA eliminator can only last so long. You can work to
improve the margin as much as you want; the moment a warhead goes off, it too
will create a domino effect, and half the world will be destroyed simply to
prove a point. That's not what Euphie would have wanted. As far as his reasons
to dethrone his Father now, I am not certain. He does not act without one: a
reason."
"How dare you talk of what Princess Euphemia would have wanted?! You! You, who
-"
"Believe me or not, Nina, I don't care for your hostility. Everything since her
death has been to atone. If you do not think I have paid a price for my
actions, you are wrong."
"What price? You married the Prime Minister! You are slotted to be Empress!
That is not atoning!"
"Nina, keep it down." Milly scolded. "That's enough."
"Am I the only one who is really, really, really confused right now?!" Rivalz
interjected, looking like he was ready to pull all his blue hair out.
"No me too." Gino said with a broad smile before his features turned serious.
"Does that mean that the Emperor died? I mean. He wasn't that old, and isn't
the title of Monarch a lifetime position?"
"Who would you say has been ruling these past few years? Surely not my
father... In-law."
"Well no, but - I hate politics."
"Don't we all. Ohgi, I will give you some time to think about it. I will draw
up the treaty and have it to you before I leave for the Homeland."
"Draw up a treaty for which side?" Villeta glared.
Lelouch smirked, drawing her coat closer to her body from the cold air and
glare. "Both, but your husband will ultimately be the one signing it, or not
signing it, by his own free will."
The woman sighed in relief.
The tension faded enough that they were able to hold a reception, complete with
Pizza Hut, at the Student Council Ballroom. Lelouch certainly didn't mend her
relations with Nina, and the negotiations to end the war were not yet over.
Still, she couldn't help but find this ending a little ludicrous. What brought
peace to the world wasn't her geass, it wasn't the FLEIJA; it was that damned
cat.
***** Forget Me Not *****
Lelouch just wanted to get the coronation over and done with; her nesting
instinct was signaling more important matters. The last place she wanted to
settle down in was the Imperial Palace. The space was filled with too many
memories. Even Schneizel's fucked up fantasyland on the Damocles would have
been preferable. She already felt an instinctive itch to scrub the floors,
walls, and ceiling of any residue of her parents. There were so many things she
needed to do. Things that we pushed back because she didn't want to think about
giving birth yet were keeping her up at night. Schneizel was timing things too
close together.
The event was pushed back for a shortened version of mourning. The previous
Emperor was considered "missing, and informally abdicating the throne to
Schneizel." This was met with less complaining than expected. Like Gino, few
objected, seeing Schneizel's ascension as a natural course of events. Charles
Zi Britannia held the title of Sovereign, even if Schneizel was the one making
all the political decisions.
It wasn't a coincidence that this coincided with treaties being signed, and
secret negotiations finalized. Unlike her, or her previous persona, Schneizel
preferred to work behind the scenes. He wasn't impatiently making grand
strategies that tipped the world into chaos, and vying to destroy and build it
anew. The one thing he had in common with Suzaku was a desire to work with what
was already in place, and manipulate in order to make a desired result. He
would unveil everything at once, giving the illusion that the world came into
peace as a result of his crowning. It was better than his previous plan: to
bring peace to the world by "a system and power." His only complaint to the
alteration was that "mankind's history is war. Peace is an illusion. To turn
illusion into reality is an arduous task. It requires discipline."
No wonder he always seemed to be one step ahead of her in non-battle
situations. Lelouch was at the point where she could best him at chess more
often than not; they were no longer equals in terms of war strategies,
something soon to be obsolete. The game would be reduced to just that: a game
played in black and white squares. The symbolism would cease. He was a master
politician. Perhaps chess wasn't even his best game. It was too forthright, and
Schneizel never showed his hand.
The room Schneizel made for her was alarmingly perfect. It was a cross between
her bedroom at home, no, Ashford Academy; the apartment attached to the
clubhouse would never be her home again. It was a cross between her bedroom at
school and the living space of the 32nd floor of the Damocles. The layout was
the same, and all the furniture felt inspired by her past life. The devil was
in the details. There were so many of them. Like Schneizel's fantasyland
everything expertly crafted, and carried a medieval air.
Schneizel mentioned that he gutted a whole portion of the palace to be for the
children; however, he claimed not to go any further than that in renovations.
Previously each wife was afforded her own mansion, and the Emperor lived in the
palace alone. Needless to say, nothing was baby-proofed. Lelouch would have
liked to see what changes he made. Sadly, she didn't have the time. There was
only an a few hour gap between the Avalon landing and the procession, barely
enough time to get dressed, and pampered.
Maybe I won't have to do any scrubbing, or rather, direct others to do it.
She wouldn't be doing either directly. Managing the staff firsthand was the job
for the Mistress of Robes, someone Lelouch immediately felt disdain towards.
Such a position was appointed due to political reasons, more than familiarity.
There wasn't anything wrong with the woman, per say. She was polite, courteous,
and of noble birth. Something Lelouch claimed to lack. After spending so much
time with Schneizel, dissecting fake personalities was second nature. Behind
her prim, attractive exterior, the Duchess of Oregon, Lady Abigail Chapman, was
likely a frigid bitch. It was only a matter of time before she cracked. No one
could be that perfect.
For that was what Abigail was: perfect. Not merely in appearance, although
Lelouch had only an objective observation in the manner. Schneizel might have
called her trembling body, complete with bloated belly, art; anyone else would
find Abigail fitting of that description. The duchess had a personality to
match, well, anyone. Truth be told, she seemed more suitable for Schneizel. The
female version of Schneizel, although probably more emotional under her
charismatic exterior. Within twenty minutes Lelouch couldn't help but wonder if
that charm could have started a Trojan War in another lifetime. The Lady would
make an excellent poker player.
However, in a twist of events, the woman came close to showing her hand when
another member of Lelouch's ladies-in-waiting was revealed. Abigail's bright
blue eyes became a shade darker at the sight of Sayoko. This was the first
indication that her personality was a farce. She looked ready to say something
rude before Lelouch gushed over how happy she was to see the older Japanese
woman. A minor explanation that Sayoko was "under Lelouch's employment
previously" was afforded, and Abigail merely responded with a coy smile. She
excused herself, returning nearly an hour later dressed in ceremonial garb.
The details Sayoko said to Lelouch while brushing her long raven hair were
funny, to say the least. Sakoyo was captured with Nunnally during the second
Battle for Tokyo. She stayed with the younger Vi Britanna sibling in obscurity
for a few weeks, and made her escape. Dejected by the lack of enthusiasm from
the Black Knights, she left them the day before Lelouch arrived at Honari
Island, looking for Rolo. When the announcement of Schneizel's succession, and
details of his rumored marriage began to surface, she sought out an old ally.
Using Deithard as a proxy, she was able to distinguish fact from fiction. She
recently returned back to Schneizel. Sayoko sarcastically boasted that she was
the first former Number to be given a noble title outside of military
achievements.
"Your highness -" Abigail gasped when Kallen barged into the room with a deep
scowl.
"Lelou - Oh." Kallen paused surprised to see someone outside Lelouch's inner
circle present. "Sorry."
"Aren't you -"
"Kallen Stadfeld." Lelouch drawled, enjoying the way her friend's brow twitched
at the name. Kallen looked odd dressed in white spandex with black trim, rather
than red. The cloak was all that remained of the ace pilot's signature color.
"Knight of Two. I'm assuming you haven't met. Kallen, this is Abby, the
Mistress of Robes Schneizel appointed for me."
"Abby?" Abigail blinked, clearly not used to hearing a shorted version of her
name.
"Do you mind? In turn you may call me Lulu. Don't let Kallen intimidate you.
Assimilating military personnel was one of the promises Britannia made when
joining the UFN. It just... Took a while for that to happen."
"You mean until you played everything to your advantage, Jerk." Kallen
grumbled, throwing her crimson cloak over footboard of the bed.
Sakoyo's hands shook with silent laughter. Lelouch winced when a bobby pin was
accidental shoved too close to the back of her skull. This was one of the
reasons Lelouch used to keep her hair short. It made formal styling nothing
more than an alternation of headbands. The silence that followed might have
been the reason Abigail seemed so out of place. She was a full-blooded
Britannian noblewoman, raised to be the epitome of the Empire's finesse, in a
room full with former terrorists. Lelouch could practically hear the thoughts
swirling around the woman's head, wondering if the rumors of the Empress
Consort were true.
"I can't believe you are making me do this." Kallen continued to complain,
pulling at her hair in the mirror, annoyed that her fierce red locks, which
usually stuck up when not straightened were, in fact smooth. She looked like
her Ashford mask, minus the docile demeanor. "Kallen Stadfeld," she grumbled,
letting her hand fall to her side.
"I'm not making you do anything, Kallen." Lelouch smiled, stepping into the
gown Abigail picked out prior to her arrival. "You are free to go about your
life, forgetting me. Rivalz is in need of some new club members, I'm sure.
Having it consist of nothing but Knight of the Round members, and royalty, has
to make it hard to find new recruits."
Kallen glared daggers at the other teen's direction. She could tell Lelouch
wasn't serious. Lelouch had no intentions of doing that to her friend. Such a
fate was for high ranking officials, and her family, minus Nunnally. Nunnally
already paid her price, was currently paying it. Lelouch felt extremely
impatient to just have this pregnancy be over.
Lelouch plopped down on the sofa; watching Abigail, now recovered from her
shock, exchange pleasantries with Kallen. Apparently their fathers knew one
another. How genteel. That didn't win the duchess any points, surely. Kallen
instantly changed the subject to something more apt for her. Abigail's eyes
changes shades again and the mention of Ohgi as the new Viceroy of Japan. Her
feigned ignorance on the subject, and casual correction of Area 11 when
boasting of the production of her family's sakuradite mine, contradicted her
sickeningly sweet tone. Lelouch groaned, remaining quiet throughout the ordeal.
Watching a passive aggressive dual between the past and the future wasn't as
absorbing as one would think. There were enough things for her to stress over;
her proverbial plate was full.
She stroked her stomach through her ceremonial all while dress. Her previously
'cute' belly had become comically large lately. It wouldn't be too long until
the twins were born. Cheryl was hoping she would carry to term; so far nothing
was objecting that desire. Arthur and Lila were growing on schedule, and at the
same rate. There was no reason to force them out early. Her waddling discomfort
wouldn't last forever. "This too shall pass," was becoming a daily mantra.
Then again, there wasn't much to look forward to after they were born. She
would go back to being Marianne's host. Schneizel's Thought Disturbing System
would send her to the brink of insanity. His hands and humming couldn't even be
used as a way out. The reason he treated her in such a doting fashion wasn't
due to affection, at least, not completely. His geass was touch activated.
While he was pretending to calm her down, he was actually calibrating the eye
patch. He ensured that due to that calibration, her episodes wouldn't be as
bad. She would simply be sent to C's world without issue. He loved her, and
wouldn't do anything to harm her. There was, apparently, a difference between
hurt and harm; one he so eloquently explained. If Lelouch were anyone else it
would have sounded convincing.
His assurance didn't make her situation any more fucked up. He wasn't
considering, or not voicing, the possibility that Marianne developed her geass
enough over the past several months that he would have to recalibrate the
system, which would make her temporarily insane; add in baby blues, and the HGC
[1] hormone leaving her body, and it was a frightening notion. Surely, no other
first time mother had to worry of such things. Schneizel promised her Marianne
would wait until everyone "got settled in."
Lelouch continued to fight the urge to seek the woman out, and use Jeremiah
against her. It would be silly to think that she didn't have a backup body
somewhere, waiting to be animated 'just in case' something went awry. Such
actions would do no good. Still, being cognitive and helpless was no good
either. A cruel laugh escaped Lelouch's throat at the realization that she was
actually more stable near 30 weeks pregnant than she was prior to, and will be
after. Surely, no one else would understand. The physical miseries were a
cakewalk compared to what was yet to come.
"What's so funny?" Kallen asked, swinging the cloak around her shoulders. It
was almost time, and they might as well meet Schneizel, Kanon, and Suzaku at
the entrance. "I don't look that stupid in this getup, do I?" She asked,
returning to the previous conversation.
"No. You look fine." Lelouch smiled, holding her hand out.
Abigail stepped before Kallen and braced herself. With a tug not expected from
her tiny frame, she helped the lopsided Empress off the sofa. Lelouch mumbled a
"thanks," feeling incredibly embarrassed over her dwindling physical abilities.
She couldn't stand up on her own, or put shoes on, due to both an inability to
see her feet, and reach them. If something was dropped, the item was gone
forever. The floor might as well be renamed the place of no return. Nothing was
worth the uncomfortable, nearly impossible, act of bending over. The list could
go on, and on. For better or worse, she didn't feel that way with Schneizel.
Her husband had the unnatural ability to make her feel beautiful despite the
obvious lie. No, Schneizel wasn't lying. Lelouch had a sneaking suspicion that
maiesiophilia could be added to his list of fetishes. He appeared to follow the
belief that 'the bigger the better,' too. His previous confession of wishing to
stop time when she just barely popped was voided. His comment that he was "
excited to see how much the end of the third trimester affects her," wasn't as
disturbing as it should be. In a way it was nice to have him be captivated by
her cumbersome body. It made requesting assistance for everyday activities much
more bearable.
Then there was Suzaku. Her ex didn't find her disgusting, she didn't think, or
anything else of that nature. He could never have sex with her again, so it was
inconsequential that he was not aroused by her pregnancy. They weren't his
children. It made sense that he would attempt to ignore it, or not bring it up.
He was already given a promotion, and Schneizel not so politely mentioned that
he was "the Knight of One, but it is title only. It is a title that has already
been bought and paid for." [2] Besides, Lelouch hadn't seen him since December;
when her state could still be ignored.
That made spending time with Suzaku at Ashford so special. It wasn't cheating
to feel a sense of relief that some of the emotions in his eyes returned.
Lelouch never thought that her "live," command would have been used in such a
way. Hearing him admit his attempts after Arthur's funeral was frightening. She
didn't break her promise to Schneizel; Lelouch only held Suzaku as he did her.
They stayed in the student council apartment, playing house, forgetting the
reality of their situation, for three blissful days. Lelouch would have equated
the otherworldly experience to her time on Damocles, except the couple was
rarely alone. It wasn't a cage. The only thing that would have it better was if
Suzaku had kissed her. They came close once or twice. Lelouch daydreamed as the
group walked down the halls, towards the main gate.
"I'm not eating that." Suzaku scrunched his nose at the concoction she
presented for dinner. "That's not edible. Let's just order pizza. Again."
Lelouch sighed, placing a plate in front of Rolo. He too looked at her frittata
like it was poison. Honestly, strawberries, sauerkraut, purple potatoes, in
eggs, drizzled with ranch dressing sounded delicious. The boys were the crazy
ones. She plopped down in her chair, taking a fork full, ready to dig in.
"No way!" Suzaku laughed. She took two more bites. "You're going to make
yourself sick, Lulu. I will make curry if you don't want pizza."
"Your curry tastes weird." It was her turn to scrunch her nose.
"It's just pork, RUSSET potatoes, carrots, onions, roux, oh and apple. How is
that weird?"
"It needs vinegar." Suzaku scratched the back of his head. She sighed, taking
another portion. "I'm pregnant."
He mumbled, and cleared the table. Rolo called out his choice of toppings,
giving an apology. His attempt to make her feel better saying that it was
"probably good to her," didn't have the desired effect. Lelouch wasn't upset
about her strange cravings. She was used to those being rejected. It was
Suzaku's actions that bothered her. She pushed off from the table, following
him into the kitchen.
"Just say it." She commanded, leaning against the doorframe.
"What do you want me to say, Lulu? That this is all my fault? That if I had let
you leave out of that black BMW none of this would have happened? You wouldn't
be pregnant with Schneizel's babies? I don't want to think about it. I can't
not think about it. Once you leave I will have nothing left, not even Arthur!
Hell, I don't even have you. You married him."
"What was I supposed to do, Suzaku? I'm not the person I used to be. I don't
want any more bloodshed."
"That's not it."
"Huh?" She startled when he pulled her into his arms. Up until then they tried
to keep their distance, even when alone. He felt fragile in her arms, and not
simply in comparison to Schneizel. "Suzaku you -"
"You're becoming more like the girl I fell in love with. You're hotheaded,
stubborn, and pushy."
"How flattering."
"It's better than cold and calculating, Lulu. Schneizel, the Emperor... He
ordered me to stay in Area 11, and only come to Pendragon for events. I won't
even be able to see you. It wasn't worth it. Japan wasn't worth never being
able to kiss you again."
"Then do it now. Before it's too late."
Suzaku nodded, and leaned his forehead against her one. His hot breath tickled
her nose. Thankfully, it didn't smell like alcohol. She leaned into his touch
when he twisted a chunk of her hair around his finger, and cupped the side of
her head in with his palm. The tips of his fingers subconsciously massaged her
scalp. He said her name, her given name, and leaned in.
"Actually, I don't want pineapple on that..." Rolo trailed off, realizing what
he interrupted.
"What are you thinking about, my love?" Schneizel asked, linking their fingers.
He lifted the unit up to his lips. "Are you nervous?"
"Oh." Lelouch tore her gaze away from where she was staring at Suzaku. He was
losing more weight, and had bags under his eyes. "I'm just tired."
It wasn't her best excuse. That didn't make the words any less believable.
Schneizel smiled at the remark, bending to give her an affectionate, possessive
kiss. He didn't fully believe her; evident by the way he thumbed her wedding
ring. He never asked about the three days she spent with her friends at
Ashford. If she were following the same pattern as before, it should have made
him nervous. The more slack he gave the more room she had to fight him.
Maybe it was the other way around. Perhaps the temporary loss of the eye patch,
and his willingness to let her roam freely marked his dominance over her in
another, more subtle fashion. Lelouch felt a chill run up her spine at the
realization that he was indeed following a pattern: both instances of freedom
were directly after she allowed him to degrade her sexually. The first was at
Honari Island, when she gave him permission to do what he wanted.
This translated to him pinning her down, and roughly ravishing her. In
hindsight it felt like a test. Schneizel didn't demand as much as he wanted. He
was still holding back. The bite mark was the only time she felt he lost
control of his persona. Before that he was gauging how much he could push
before she snapped. He kept her teetering on the edge of complaining, coaxing
her to willingly give more to him.
It was associated with when he lost his temper, and patience. The day he
"fucked her, giving her bruises," he demanded submission too, albeit in a much
more forceful way. His punishment carried a similar air. He was more concerned
with seeing what he could get away with than actually punishing. Since then
muted requests were made in between sessions of lovemaking. There was a chance
it was all in her imagination. The bigger her belly grew, the more her mobility
was limited. It was just a coincidence that no matter what position they took,
she always ended up feeling like a turtle on its back.
She didn't want to think about it, and yet Lelouch couldn't help replay all
their interactions when alone in the horse drawn carriage. The jostling ride
around Pendragon was uncomfortable, to say the least. A groan escaped, and
Schneizel pulled her closer, practicality on his lap. He wrapped his matching
crimson velvet, lined with fur, cloak over her body. The ancient robe was long
enough that it could have probably wrapped around Suzaku and Kallen too. If
they weren't on horseback with the rest of the Knights, that is. Kanon and
Abigail rode with the rest of the peers, waiting for the royal couple to
arrive.
"We must adhere to the traditional procession, Lulu, it gives no reprieve for
pregnancy."
"I know." She said. Her breath was visible against the frigid air. The old gold
colored coach was covered, and lined with insulation. It wasn't enough. "I
know," she repeated, more to herself than him.
"Maybe I could think of a few ways to warm you up."
Schneizel ignored her lackluster denial. He bunched her dress to stroke the
soft merino wool on her thighs with gloved fingertips. She felt her face tint
red for a different reason than the cold. His long ago statement that,
"Sometimes it's the most fun with an audience,"[3] rang in her ears. The
likelihood of cameras peeking inside the open windows was definitely a
possibility. They were moving slow enough; it would be easy to pan over to them
every once in a while.
"Brother. No." She scolded when his hand moved higher, teasing over the fabric
of her tights.
He laughed, trailing his hand back to the safety of her knee. "It's been a
while since you called me that role, Little Sister. You must really be
serious." She bit her painted lip, finding the reminder of how much she's
changed offensive.
The obvious alterations the pregnancy made to her body notwithstanding, her
hair was also long enough to be twisted, pinned, and decorated with jewels in a
fancy up do. At some point she ceased thinking of Schneizel a deranged
perverted old man; he was her brother, but if using a role, she would call him
"husband." Time could change anyone. Even Suzaku pointed it out. Had Schneizel
changed? She already decided that he was following a pattern. The only outward
alternation to his appearance was his hair. It had grown too. The blond strands
could be tied back in a low ponytail, leaving chin length bangs dangling in the
front.
Lelouch moved to hook a piece of that hair behind his ear. The strands fell
forward the moment she moved her hand away. It wasn't long enough to stay yet.
They were opposites, and somehow the same. She wanted to hate him, and
everything about him because he was everything she hated about herself. The
only difference was that behind her cool, reserved, nature was raw emotion.
Schneizel was the opposite of her in that regard. She hated her actions, and
his intentions. He was the persona she tried, and failed at pulling off.
She snuggled against his hulking body, feeling the choker necklace Schneizel
gifted for her birthday. He assured that the diamonds and sapphires at the end
were natural, having nothing to do with geass. Since it was the probable
birthstone of the twins, the rock simply reminded him of her. His birthday was
overshadowed by the coronation, although, he probably scheduled it on such a
day on purpose. Control over the whole world was his gift.
It was impossible to tell who was the one providing comfort when Kallen opened
the coach door. If silent conversations did exist, Lelouch guessed the Knight
of Two was wondering what would happen if she attempted to bolt. Lelouch gave a
wry smile at the knight's ashen face, now using the Britannian noble rank that
was previously shunned. Perhaps that was one of the things that bound the two
women together. The momentary measure of comfort didn't last when her friend
moved back to join the rest of the knights. Lelouch accepted Kanon's
outstretched hand, feet falling on unblemished snow. She gulped, staring up at
the intimidating Cathedral.
Imposing stone arches, stained glass, and sculptures of the kings and queens of
Judah stared back. The queens were sculpted with long braids, crowns, and tiny
pleated robes. Above the middle door, Christ looked down at her surrounded by
four symbols of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and the twelve apostles below.
[4] That was only the facade. Gothic towers shot up, and around the three
doors. Its architecture was practically a copy of the Cathedral Basilica of Our
Lady of Chartres.
The last time Lelouch was unfortunate enough to step foot on the planted Poa
pratensis, commonly known as Kentucky bluegrass, outside the building she was
an unruly child. Her mother kept her and Nunnally as far back of the axis that
decorum would allow. She wouldn't have that luxury this day. The green strands
were hidden by sparkling snow too.
"Schneizel, do you know why snow is white?" She asked, feeling trepidation with
each crunch of the fluffy white substance compressing under her steps.
"Snow isn't actually white. The light bounces around the individual ice
crystals, and reflects back out. The reflected light includes all the colors,
which, together, look white. If the sun hits it at a certain angle, it can have
a tint of blue, purple, or sometimes pink."
"That's not what I meant." She grumbled, feeling irritated by his reply.
"Oh? The what is the right answer?"
"Snow is white because it has forgotten what color it used to be." She quoted
C.C.
Schneizel stopped abruptly, causing Lelouch to almost lose her footing. His
grip on her hand remained steady. Before she could complain, he cupped her
chin, placing his thumb over her lips. He searched her eyes, for what she
wasn't sure, before giving a barely masked smirk. Lelouch felt her skin crawl
at his gaze. A desire to portray some sense of normalcy in front of the
audience kept her quiet.
"An artist and a scientist would never agree on black and white; in one mindset
black is the totality of colors mixed together, and in the other it is the
absence of everything. If you do not enjoy feeling like snow, Lulu, then leave
such a cognition, and enter one where white contains all."
She nodded, not necessarily in agreement. It seemed like the right thing to do
to end the conversation.
Lelouch would have preferred to stay outside. She could avoid the event to
watch the display of colors dance on the white snow, and the ice crystals
hanging off the trees. There would be plenty of time for that later. She wasn't
going anywhere. Pendragon was her biggest penitentiary yet, and one she knew
well. Sure, she could technically leave. As Empress it would be difficult, to
say the least. After the investiture she would be a celebrity, and could never
be free from her status. Her closest friend was to be a well-to-do duchess.
Near ten thousand people were in attendance, dressed to the nines or in
ceremonial garb. Lelouch's elevated status was overlooked, and her heart raced
at the sight. Never had she seen the interior so packed. She could easily feel
claustrophobic if it weren't for the soaring arches leading to a very high
vaulted ceiling. The stone walls came off as glowing from the luminescence
stain glass windows cast sapphire blue, red, yellow, and green light with the
morning sun. Kallen was right for wanting to bolt.
She felt like a waddling whale. It was debatable if the form fitting dress was
better than her usual tent style; no matter what she looked like she shoved a
basketball under the garment. Still, the onslaught of whispers that erupted was
undoubtedly directed towards her predicament, and reveal. Until this moment the
most publicized details on her were rumors, speculation, and perceived lies to
discredit Schneizel.
Deithard broadcast the investiture live; surely the journalist was smart enough
to hide the shocked look of the siblings that met them at the door. So long as
no one created a scene, her identity being discovered wouldn't matter. Anybody
who knew her mother would recognize Lelouch. She was a spitting image of
Marianne. Even if the combination of features weren't overly unique; it was
undeniable. Only Carine, or random kids she didn't know of, would believe she
was just some random teenager off the street.
"Schneizel," Odysseus whispered the moment the peers made a semicircle around
the couple. Schneizel's grip on her hand tightened at the way his name was said
in an uncharacteristic scolding manner. "You cannot expect us to believe
that..." Her eldest brother paused, giving Lelouch an uncomfortable, and
surprisingly sympathetic look. "She is not Lelouch, our sister. It was easier
to believe through the news, but in person... I cannot believe she is just
another lookalike, despite the strangeness of her left eye."
"You may believe what you like. Just wait until the end of the ceremony to say
anything. It would be blasphemous to disrupt it now."
Lelouch remained silent, glaring at Guinevere, flanked on the opposite side as
former First Princess, and duchess. The woman made another attempt to touch
Lelouch's belly on the slow walk, evil glint in her eye. "I never thought you
would abdicate the throne, Schneizel, and in such a showy manner too."
"I didn't give you permission to touch me, Guinevere." Lelouch said, turning
her gaze away from the woman, toward Schneizel.
Guinevere leaned in to whisper in her ear. To the cameras it surely looked like
an affectionate gesture. "Oh? And who are you? I think we should just stop this
whole thing now. Funny you come out of hiding just to go into exile again. What
did you do to Schneizel in order to cause him to make such a stupid decision?
No one is going to accept your incest and the products of such acts are an
abomination. You both are going to be dethroned the moment this is over and
shamed. The whole world is going to find you two disgusting."
"Elder Sister, I have already been acting Emperor for months now. You shouldn't
have to be reminded not to speak to me, or my wife, in such a manner."
"After today you -"
"Guinevere," Lelouch growled, turning finally. "You stuck up, piece of shit,
gossiping bitch. Never speak to me, of me, or my children again."
Much to Odysseus' shock, the eldest sibling quieted, and turned forward with a
serene smile on her normally shrewd features. Red rims circled her eyes.
Schneizel sighed, and gave Lelouch's arm a gentle reprimanding tug. It made
little practical difference; the command was changed. The results were the
same. Besides, having her know, unable to tell anyone, seemed like a fitting
punishment.
To say the atmosphere of the ceremony was tense would be a gross
understatement. Lelouch sat anxious in her chair, located in the north side of
the Sanctuary, as faults began to show up as early as the Recognition.
Schneizel stood proud, as always. He looked more royal than ever, daring the
congregation to oppose him. The archbishop happened to be the same one from
when she was a child. He obviously recognized her too, not only because of her
mother, but because Lelouch and Clovis were caught putting gum in the man's
shoes more than once. Still, he turned, whispered something to Schneizel, and
said the speech in a booming voice that sounded odd out of his frail, old body.
"Sirs, I here present unto you
Emperor Schneizel,
your undoubted Emperor:
Wherefore all you who are come this day
to do your homage and service,
Are you willing to do the same?" [5]
Lelouch imagined crickets chirping during the unnaturally long second it took
for the crowd to react. The Britannian population in the room thought that
Schneizel was just going to be forced to abdicate the throne within twenty-four
hours, and the other half, UFN members, felt contempt for him, and the acclaim.
She could imagine Diethard yelling at the crew to warp the audio, making the
repeated yells of "ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!" more pronounced.
The tension would ease during The Oath, Presenting of the Bible, Communion, and
Anointing. It was likely everyone was as going to be as bored and uncomfortable
as she. For an Empire proclaiming Neo-Darwinism as the core tenant, the archaic
religious ceremony, practically unchanged for a thousand years, felt forced.
That could be because of the situation. She wasn't alive during the previous
investiture, and the Emperor never bothered to hold such events for any of his
many wives. Her father liked to set himself apart, on a dais higher than anyone
could reach; claiming himself to be far better, and stronger than the weak. He
was stronger, possibly. Certainly not better.
Schneizel looked so much like their father, however, mild differences in
physical features. Odysseus might not have inherited the throne, but he was a
carbon copy of his sire. Her husband carried the same air. Regal. It was no
wonder no one dared to interrupt the ceremony, favoring to wait till out of his
presence to object. He would have liked that, an objection. It was imaginable
that Schneizel planned it out like this not just for convenience. He found this
to be the most interesting scenario.
Due to her mobility issues, she was not forced to kneel during any part of the
ceremony. Only during her own Anointing would she be made to ungraciously lower
herself onto a faldstool and back up. She watched Schneizel's ceremony from the
comfort of her cushion. As the event dragged on, she became mesmerized by the
stained glass, particularly King Solomon in The North Transept Rose. In her
tired, bored, and impatient mind the depiction looked similar to an ugly
Schneizel. All the depictions were ugly; that was just part of medieval, or
medieval inspired artwork. Maybe he was actually really attractive. Maybe the
artist just made Solomon have a really bemused expression as a joke. It seemed
like something he would do...
Lelouch didn't remember falling asleep. Her actions told a different story. She
was startled awake by the booming "ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!" that followed the
Putting on of the Crown. All her practice of sleeping in class couldn't save
her from the steel glare of the old man archbishop, no doubt remembering
similar behavior from her as a kid. Lelouch blushed a scarlet red, nearly the
color of her cloak. Both hues were dissimilar to the color of Schneizel's
mantle.
He was sitting in the coronation chair, adorned with the ermine cape with a
train of purple silk velvet. That train wrapped around the old, yet perfectly
polished wood. The detailed gold embroidery near the fur trim matched the gold
of the lion statues at the base of the chair. His bangs were pushed back,
tucked into the brim of the imperial crown of various jewels of diamonds,
sapphires, rubies, and emeralds, set in gold. The purple velvet underneath was
the same shade as the cape. In his right hand Schneizel clutched the sceptre,
also encrusted with jewels at the base and cross shaped tip. The orb was held
in his left, and the sword dangled off his hip. If Schneizel didn't already
look like the epitome of royalty, he definitely did seated at the altar.
His shoulders shook slightly before he erupted in jovial laughter. If he
weren't seated, Schneizel probably would have doubled over by the force of it.
He clutched the King's Regalia, using the items as a crutch to contain himself.
Thankfully, chanting, and the trumpets that followed drowned the sound out.
Diethard would spin the Emperor's reaction as being overcome by the holiness of
the Britannia Empire, and the devotion of his subjects. Lelouch felt herself
crack a small smile back, despite her embarrassment, at the thought.
The archbishop cleared his throat and prayed loudly over Schneizel.
"God crown you with a crown of glory and righteousness,
that having a right faith and manifold fruit of good works,
you may obtain the crown of an everlasting kingdom
by the gift of him whose kingdom endureth for ever. Amen."
With the aid of Abigail, she heaved herself up to stand for the Benediction,
Enthronement, and their joint Homage, feeling a sense of dread at the pressure
between her legs. At her last appointment the twins hadn't dropped, per say,
they were just pushing down for lack of room. Lelouch's small frame was already
carrying twice the load of a normal pregnancy. Even if she had only gained
40lbs, considered modest for her situation, and starting weight.
A whimper was barely stifled when she felt Arthur send a fierce kick to her
ribs at the same time Lila pushed outward. The dual movement was visible
outside her gown, looking like something from the movie "Aliens." Her legs were
sore, and an odd sensation happened. Her abdominal muscles tightened, and
flexed. It felt like the few times she was forced to do bicycle crunches in gym
class. Afterwards that area was more defined. She closed her eyes and took deep
breaths out of her nostrils, placing her hand over her belly. It was hard as a
rock, but it didn't really hurt. Either she had amazing pain tolerance or she,
hopefully, was not going into labor. The words of the Archbishop were drowned
out by her nervous heartbeat.
"And the same Lord God Almighty grant
that the Clergy and Nobles assembled here
for this great and solemn service,
and together with them all the Peoples of this Commonwealth,
fearing God, and honoring the Emperor,
may by the gracious assistance of God's infinite goodness,
and by the vigilant care of his anointed servant,
our gracious Sovereign,
continually enjoy peace, plenty, and prosperity;
through Jesus Christ our Lord,
to whom, with the eternal Father, and God the Holy Ghost,
be glory in the Church,
world without end. Amen."
It was likely she was overreacting. Preterm labor is a fear of any mother
carrying multiples. It wasn't rare; nearly 30% of twin births were premature.
Britannia's medical system was advanced enough that even if they were born nine
weeks early, the kids would be fine. Sure, they would spend an alarming amount
of time in clear incubator boxes, with breathing, and feeding tubes stuck to
them. They would need steroid shots to help the lungs develop; it would be
difficult for her to watch. It wouldn't mean the twins wouldn't be completely
healthy once they were older. Especially considering Arthur was Schneizel's
heir.
The ceremony couldn't cease until after her own completely insignificant
ceremony compared to Schneizel's investiture. Lelouch gingerly waddled to the
altar. She didn't kneel.Dear God, don't make me fuck this whole thing up. It
wasn't really a prayer. It was the best she could do, given her situation,
religious affiliations, and knowledge of C's world. Did the collective
unconscious even have a will, or did it just simply exist, observing the
individual parts in their subjective realities? If the latter were true, then
prayer would make no difference.
The disdain from her peers was ignored when she settled into the extremely
uncomfortable stool under the Anointing canopy. At least she knew she wouldn't
fall asleep again, not that she could; Lelouch was filled with unease. She held
out the palms of both the hands, feeling the oil sink down into her pores as
the archbishop spoke. "Be thy Hands anointed with holy Oil." Next was her
chest. That liquid soaked into her gown, and not her skin. "Be thy Breast
anointed with holy Oil." She opened her eyes to meet the geezer's gaze. He
looked confused more than annoyed. Oil was rubbed on the crown of her head,
while saying, "Be thy Head anointed with holy Oil: as kings, priests, and
prophets were anointed."
She whispered for him to forget her as a child.
Her hand went over her belly when another contraction attacked. They were too
close together. Cheryl's advice for causing childbirth, "to put yourself in the
most inconvenient situation possible," was more than applicable. Lelouch needed
to stand before the congregation, and make her oath. All eyes had to be on her.
It would happen not simply because of formality. The bazaar action would draw
attention. Lelouch would be saying two oaths: one to Schneizel, and one to
Britannia. Usually the Empress consort only professed promises to her husband.
With no real political power, there was no point to address the people. She was
subservient.
The gesture had a dual purpose. She wanted to show she wasn't simply the
incubator for the Emperor's offspring. More importantly, she needed to
eliminate the perceived truth of the 'conspiracy theories.' If that didn't
happen, and knowledge of her true identity remained; they would be finished.
Schneizel would be forced to abdicate the throne, and they would be shunned,
ostracized, and made into heretics.
Then again, would being cast out really be that bad? Her new home could be the
small town in the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, mostly inhabited by tour
guides or the first Numbers. She could become some blue-collar profession like
a cook, or shopkeeper. If she changed her name again, cut and dyed her hair,
maybe no one would recognize her. The main reason she refused to bleach it
previously was to remember Marianne. That woman wasn't really dead, and was
using her children as hosts like a parasite.
Lelouch opened her eyes when the sensation stopped. The coronation ring was
already on her finger. She didn't notice it being slipped on. The bulky
sapphire matched her necklace; both were massive, and surrounded by clear
diamonds. Her crown, and robes matched Schneizel's and was even bulkier
feeling. Her eye patch, with all its charms, was somehow more ergonomic.
She prayed, really prayed, to whom, she wasn't certain, that Jeremiah used his
power prior to Suzaku's entry. Surely it was issued before Schneizel and her
entered the cathedral, and the Knight of One wasn't too far ahead. The geass
canceler couldn't reach Suzaku. It wasn't just recently, her secret love had
been wishing for death the past eight years. She was selfish, and refused to
let him meet that end.
There was paranoia that, if her order were removed, he would take his own life
either directly or indirectly. He already admitted several suicide attempts
through various mediums. With the world peaceful, and her unattainable, he
would have no reason to stay alive. He already proved the fear that Japan's
welfare being connected to his life wasn't enough. She had to be sadistic to
fall in love with someone like him. [6] That is not even mentioning that he
would forget her too. Well, no, he wouldn't lose his time with Lelouch
Lamperouge at Ashford. Would he still love her without knowledge of her time
spent at the Kururugi Shrine? Logically, an end to his love for her was the
easiest way out. She was selfish for wishing that wouldn't happen.
The glint of metal coming off Jeremiah caught her attention. Even with his
titles restored, he stuck out like a sore thumb. Suzaku replace Bismark as
Knight of One. Kallen was Knight of Two. Jeremiah took the place of the late
Luciano Bradley. The others remained the same. It wasn't far fetched to say
that Schneizel wasn't simply vying for loyalty from her ex. Most were appointed
during his position as Prime Minister.
She couldn't think about Suzaku. If Lelouch changed her mind, and forced
Schneizel to abdicate, it would be a bloodbath. Odysseus, the heir by birth,
had no desire for the throne. The world would be united, only to be torn apart
by a family feud. Someone horrible could win it, like Guinevere. Everything
would be for nothing. The congregation needed to be made to forget. It wasn't
about her any more, or the twins, or even Nunnally.
Not even Cornelia would be saved.
"All this I promise to do, as Empress, Lulu El Britannia, maiden name
Lamperouge. These are my names: The only names to be attached to me. Any other
past is to be disregarded." She paused, taking a deep breath. " ALL HAIL
BRITANNIA!"
The cheering was the loudest yet. She erased Lelouch Vi Britannia out of the
minds of the political figures that mattered. That person died eight years ago.
The resemblance was a mere coincidence, an oddity. Considering Odysseus hinted
Schneizel's type was a tall woman with black hair, it wouldn't be too hard to
believe.
Once seated in her own throne on the elevated platform in the center of the
Crossing, Lelouch breathed a sigh of relief. She looked over at Schneizel, a
satisfied smirk on his face. He won. She helped him win, or maybe they won
together. It would be a lie to say she knew all the parts she played,
considering Schneizel would have been named Emperor anyway. He insisted that
the removal of their father was all because of her.
Maybe he meant because she changed the mind of C.C., making Charles even more
obsessed with Ragnarok, and essentially locked in C's world. Plausibly it was
because Ohgi, to some degree, remained loyal to Zero. He broke up the Black
Knights like she suggested. Without her, the UFN would have fought Britannia's
overrule; Schneizel was slotted to be the chairman during the next election.
There were enough reasons to believe that there wasn't some other, more
sinister, reason she helped him to take the crown.
"I, Geoffrey, Archbishop, and so everyone of the rest,
Will be faithful and true,
and faith and truth will bear unto you,
our Sovereign rulers,
Emperor and Empress of this Realm and Defender of the Faith,
and unto your heirs and successors according to law.
So help me God."
Lelouch made it through the ungodly amount of clergymen, Dukes of the Blood
Royal, and halfway through the Lords Temporal before the twins went on another
frenzy. They apparently were determined to rip out of her side. She gasped, and
squeezed her eyes shut. She vaguely registered her name being spoken through
the much more painful contraction. Braxton Hicks weren't supposed to hurt, and
that one definitely hurt. She let out a low moan as the pain washed over her,
making her lower back, thighs, and belly burn.
"Lulu," she opened her eyes to see Kanon staring back at her. He knelt down in
front of her throne, placing his hand over her sightless smaller one. "Are you
ok?"
She didn't know how to answer. The man definitely closed his eyes during her
oath; he knew what was going to happen. Her mind raced, attempting to push
through the fog, to find a decent answer. She never responded to a yes or no
question with her geass active before. What would happen? Nothing? Would it
count? If I said no, then what would Kanon do?An invisible gag was in her
mouth. Mutely she shook her head "no." Rougher than intended, his head was
pushed to the side, making Kanon face away.
"Schneizel. I. Think. I can't be."
She didn't need to say any more because at that point the coronation was
essentially over. Schneizel rose from his throne, leaving all the King's
Regalia, sans his crown, on the polished wood. The remaining Earls, Viscounts,
and Barons didn't get to pay homage verbally to him. There was no Offertory, or
Communion. Lelouch could assume that the choir continued to sing even after she
was whisked away.
 
***** Sir Suzaku Kururugi III *****
It is difficult to describe the early years of Schneizel El Britannia's reign
and do justice. What were merely rumors prior to his official crowning, were
brought to light several days after the awe inspiring ceremony. The sovereign
appeared to immerse himself in his duties, taking no time to slash the honorary
Britannian system. Colonies retained the same status under the Empire, and yet
names were given in addition to the number. For example: Area 11 retained a
distinction of order that the land was acquired; the common name was "Japan."
The population was granted equal rights, and all persons were considered
citizens. "Britannian," and "Japanese," was words to indicate nationality.
Now this is not to say that the abolishment of the Number System brought about
instant cordial relations within the colonies. A socio-economic class system
replaced a genetic one for many years following the declaration. Japan was
mostly spared from strife due to the Viceroy, Ohgi Kaname, being an "Average
Joe Japanese guy who just gets it." His marriage to the Baroness, Villetta Nu-
Ohgi, and the status of Sir Suzaku Kururugi, aided the Viceroy immensely.
Needless to say, stable colonies fared better through the conversion than
instable territories. Overall the transition was smooth, and required little
intervention from his Majesty. The additional requirement of a former Number
council to the Viceroys of each colony undoubtedly minimized casualties and
uprisings.
The only time a FLEIJA was released, other than during the Second Battle for
Tokyo, was when New Zealand, formerly known as Area 9, attempted to incite a
squabble with a neutral Australia without imperial consent. There were no
casualties; the warhead was detonated over international waters. However, the
show of force was enough to end the disagreement, and Australia joined the Holy
Britannian empire. This gave the Emperor enough of a majority over the UFN to
be considered an absolute one-world-ruler, considering he was also the chairman
of the said governing body.
Few questioned the abdication of both the 98th Emperor, and also the First
Crown Prince Odysseus. Considering the previous sovereign was never seen nor
heard from again, it is safe to conclude that Charles Zi Britannia did indeed
die during vacation. At the time of his father's succession, the First Prince
was already a teenager, fourteen to be exact. Despite being born to nobility on
both sides, his mother, a Duchess of Maine, died during childbirth. Odysseus
remained under the care of his extended family during the "Emblem of Blood,"[1]
only being introduced in court after Charles' investiture. This could attribute
to the plebeian personality of Odysseus, having been 'raised' by his commoner
nursemaid.
In addition to the First Prince, Guinevere su Britannia, Schneizel el
Britannia, Cornelia li Britannia, and Clovis la Britannia, were also introduced
during the event, with names to match their lineage. Due to the frequent
assassinations of the time, and purposefully bad record keeping hiding such
murders, it is difficult to pinpoint the family line of each child.
It is probable that due to his claim as next in line after the death of the
older twin Vincent Zi Britannia, Charles practiced polygamy prior to his
ascension, discounting the need for a violent dethroning of his uncle (see
chapter 97, Ca Britannia to Chapman, in my book of Royal History for more
details). His third wife, Priscilla Lindon, Countess of East Cornwall, still
lived. The same went for Gabrielle Lawrence, Duchess of South Carolina.
Unlike his other brother, Schneizel instantly took to politics even at the
young age of eight. He was frequently seen shadowing the Emperor, the Master of
Robes, or anyone who would let him. His lengthy stays at the Imperial Boarding
School could likely be attributed to creating alliances as much as his
education; he was elected Prime Minister in the summer between secondary school
and college. The break prior he was seen spending time at the Ashford estate
and reach facilities. We can imagine this influenced his choice in majors at
university. His contribution to a multitude of technology, ability to negotiate
treaties as well as acting as a General during warfare, were major factors of
him keeping an unheard of ten year position in office.
No wonder the 99th Emperor met little resistance in his succession.
Due to technical issues, the coronation broadcast was cut short. Some sources
say that the Empress-Consort went into early labor, and was carried off by her
husband, his Majesty. Since there is little to no data on such subject, and the
vast variance before the twins were born, I cannot speculate on such a rumor.
In an official statement the Emperor's Master of Robes, Kanon Maldini, Earl of
Montreal; recently granted a portion of land formerly owned by the Grand Duke
of New York, Reuben Ashford, adding that title Marquess of Long Island to his
rank; stated:
"His Majesty wishes to dispute any false claims that issues other than faulty
equipment happened during the event. It is true that the schedule was changed,
differing from the traditional by omitted a formal Offertory by having the
peers return the Regalia, and Communion take place before the Homage. However,
his wife and the twins are in peak condition. Hopefully we will have news of
the birth after these last two months of pregnancy." The Marquess smiled,
neglecting to answer any more comments regarding the health of the Empress-
Consort.
Special add-on for the 5 th  reprint of "The Biography of Sir Suzaku Kururugi:
Only Son of the Last Prime Minister of Japan and Knight of One."
The account of Suzaku Kururugi paints a different picture of the coronation
aftermath. This passage was not included in his leather bound journal, and was
instead found scratched on the back of Grandma Milly's transcript of her news
report. When cleaning out their modest townhouse in the Tokyo Settlement, my
sister became bored and started leafing through saved paperwork. Among
scattered pictures, expense reports, and important documents, she stumbled on
something written in Japanese. It must have been kept secret for a reason;
perhaps one day my granddaughter will have the authenticity tested.
Gino is still mad at me for kissing Kallen, even though she was the one who
kissed me. She could have just said, "Don't look," or used some other method to
draw my attention from Lulu. Maybe she knew that I wouldn't have looked away,
and that was why she forcefully grabbed the back of my neck and slammed her
face into mine.
That woman has a death grip. Then again, I was, and still am so weak compared
to what I once was, before this whole mess. She must have noticed first,
considering her memories of the command were longer than mine. It was some
conversation regarding Shinjuku and her reasoning to join the Black Knights.
All I had to remember was one word: "Live." It slipped through the cracks of my
memory, and went unnoticed.
I can't decide if I would have been better off forgetting with everyone else.
Would I still love her? I loved her at Ashford; would that have changed? Her
father had the power to rewrite the past, and she used her power once against
Shirley. I just don't know. Rivalz and Milly have me locked up in the student
council building until the medicine kicks in, and I stop trying to end it all.
They won't give me anything dangerous. I'm writing with a crayon.
It's possible now. Perhaps a part of the reason I kept on trying was because it
would never happen. Now that it can; I haven't. Which would be a worse
punishment? To die? Or to live? I guess that would depend on my religious
beliefs. I never really thought about it. None of that matters though. I can't
die until I see her again.
I need to see her.
He won't let me. He has her locked up, and me shipped off to Area 11. Kallen
promised she would contact me as soon as she has any news. It's been a week.
Despite losing near twenty pounds and barely eating, it still took three of the
other Knights of the Round to keep me away. Maybe that's why Gino is mad at me;
I broke his nose.
The second I saw him carry her off I knew something was wrong. I chased after,
following to the hospital. It was a mess. People were running everywhere and I
felt stunned. All I could do was watch. She was crying, calling out, but not
for me. For him.
She wanted him.
That didn't stop me from going to her.
They aren't my children. I wanted to ignore their existence. She could never be
ignored. Even if they are half him, they are also half her. I love her more
than anything.
Even Euphie.
I didn't realize that until the thought of losing her,  really  losing her,
crossed my mind. Not losing the pint-sized punk who liked to get in fights with
me, and call me an idiot. When she went off with her sister for a better life I
accepted it. Not losing the cold, calculating, stoic terrorist when her
memories were rewritten. That was my doing. I worried she would really be gone
 if I wasn't there to protect her. I worried I could never love any one like
her again. Nothing will ever compare.
I can't die until I see her again, and know that she is ok.
Once again this prompts me to ask the question "Who is Lulu El Britannia?" I
know this is a stretch, so I request you work with me here. Sir Kururugi never
directly states whom the male and female are that he is referring to in this
entry. I would be hard pressed to say the female was anyone other than she. Who
else would be surrounded by Knights of the Round?! The fact that this was
scribbled on the back of an announcement of her Majesty's health supports my
argument.
He wrote ":explicit: lying media" on the front too.
The official account of the Empress-Consort is that she was living in Area 11
at the time of the invasion. Her parents were few of the unfortunate Britannian
casualties, and the Ashford family took her in. The first written record of her
existence appears as a report card from the year the academy was initially
built; birth records are, of course, destroyed. Many records were inadvertently
lost during the colonization.
Even after the coronation, and her official reveal, some continued to dispute
this lineage. This was mostly done over posts on the Internet. Few news
stations dared to air, or print anything that contradicted the official story.
Her likeness to the princess, Lelouch Vi Britannia, was a coincidence. One
would think that if this were true her brothers and sisters would recognize
her. Lulu's last name was the same as Marianne's maiden name, but that was a
mere coincidence as well. Lamperouge was a common surname among commoners.
Marianne chose the "Vi" as to not confuse her children with Gabrielle, who
already claimed "La."
At one point the former First Princess Guinevere put together a press
conference except she had nothing to say. She stood mutely in front of the
microphone, and became irate after a short while. This in addition to other
odd, borderline mental behavior might be one of the reasons she was pulled from
the public eye, and the governing of her lands was reassigned.
Kururugi's casual comment regarding terrorism strikes me. We know that many of
the Black Knights were assimilated into the Britannian military. Would it be
possible that the king piece, clearly the inspiration for Zero's costume, did
not, in fact die prior to the Second Battle of Tokyo? Would he, or rather she,
be put into a prominent place in politics? Going off this train of thought, I
would wonder if such an action would be consensual, or a mark of a prize,
similar how tribal people would claim their enemies? None of these questions
will ever be answered. Likely they are all lies. Sometimes I wonder what
history would be like if the things we find over a century later were
discovered during an appropriate time.
I think that is what made my field so exciting. We are piecing together puzzles
of the past, and coming to a conclusion based on objective observations. I
cannot claim to be objective, which is why a portion of this section was edited
out during the first edition of this book. However, seeing another edition is
being printed while I am on my deathbed, arguably as demented as my great-great
grandparents, I feel the desire, no, need to add more.
 
***** Misogyny *****
Sleep was by far her most useless coping mechanism. Not even that helped. When
Lelouch closed her eyes, all she could see was that tiny body, wrapped in
surgical bandages. It did no good. Not even the Britannia medical system,
arguably the best in the world could achieve such a task. Sure, it saved her
life; it brought her back to life when she "should have been dead." It afforded
her the chance to live on, even if it wasn't the life Lelouch would have
chosen.
It wasn't her choice. How could it have been? Lelouch loved the owner of that
light brown, near dishwater blond hair, and purple eyes so much. Those eyes
were similar to Schneizel's, except a shade darker. The color was right in the
middle. Schneizel's eyes were pastel, and Lelouch's were amethyst. Funny, she
would make such an observation. It seemed like a lifetime ago; the last time
she saw those eyes.
She stayed awake for days, listening to quite, and weak crying. Sleep was not a
coping mechanism at that time. Lelouch was afraid to sleep. What if she woke up
and was left all alone? They were forgotten, abandoned. Weak and useless; the
Emperor had no need for them. Scheduling a public audience was the only way she
could see him. He didn't come to the hospital to visit or answer when she
requested personal time with him. The meeting was made through his assistant.
God, she was so afraid when he yelled. He was so big, and she was so small. She
was smaller than average for her size. Lelouch fell backwards from the force of
his booming voice, telling her how dead she was to him. She didn't cry, at
least, not until she got back to the hospital. Such weakness couldn't be seen.
She could be angry, vengeful, and full of hatred of the man. She wouldn't let
him, or anyone else see her weakness. They were both weak - her and Nunnally.
That was why they were cast aside. That was why the Emperor, their father,
abandoned them.
Schneizel was nothing like him.
He did, however, force Lelouch into the Pendragon Hospital, the same place
Nunnally was taken. If Lelouch closed her eyes she could still see her little
sister lying in the bed, blind and crippled. She couldn't sleep in that bed, or
stay in that room. Even if it was a different number on the doorplate, the
atmosphere was the same. All white walls, white bedding, and the smell of
disinfectant. It was torturous. After two days Schneizel changed his mind, and
allowed her to come back home.
She was still immobile, strapped to monitors of all sorts, a constant IV drip,
and banished to the bed. The silver lining, if there was one, was that bed
contained the most luxurious fittings yet. Words would not do the luxury linen
justice. Actual 24k gold thread was spun into the individually made, thousand-
count Egyptian cotton sheets. One would think that would make the fabric less
comfortable. This was not true since the gold was mostly in the trim. The
Charlotte Thomas "Bespoke" line can run about $2,500 per sheet set. That is not
including the pillows, duvet, and bed skirt. [1]
The latter was probably a waste of money, but Lelouch had an internal struggle
to not agree with Abigail when she casually commented that they "must be the
most wonderful things ever felt to a previous commoner." She did not agree, if
for no other reason than to wipe that smug self-satisfied smirk off the
duchess' face. Lelouch could think of dozens, possibly hundreds of situations
she was more comfortable in a bed, contorting that concept through well-placed
logic to fit the situation.
The blanket she wrapped herself in the day Suzaku stumbled upon an abandoned,
and yet fully stocked house in the countryside was the most amazing thing she
ever felt. Multi-thousand dollar bedding couldn't compare to the comfort that
cheap, scratchy wool afforded her, or that lumpy futon. Suzaku struggled to air
it out, and beat the bunched up inner layer into submission. He stayed outside
for most of the day, taking his frustration out with feeble fists when the wand
wasn't working. She pretended not to notice.
When he finally deemed the unit ready, and the three of them curled up to sleep
on it, she was in heaven. It felt so long since she slept on anything other
than the bare ground, often covered in rubble that was impossible to clear, no
matter how hard she tried. Amidst an active war zone, they found a piece of
happiness. Her standards indeed were quite low. When she shut all the windows,
and doors, no smell of blood and gore lingered. Lelouch teared up, neglecting
her promise to never cry in front of another person again. Suzaku didn't count.
It was unfortunate they couldn't stay, and packed up their meager supplies the
next morning.
Abigail would never understand such things. Not only because she was twelve at
the time, back in the homeland, watching the war as nothing more than images
and propaganda on a television screen. Her noble birth wouldn't give her any
extra sympathy either. The deciding factor, however, was that she was
Britannian. Lelouch long ago learned not to speak of the horrors of the
invasion to anyone other than Sayoko. This circle soon expanded to Milly.
Several years later Suzaku, and members of the Black Knights were added. Her
monologues as Zero carried a different weight, and an ulterior motive for
bearing her soul.
No one else could understand, or tried to. The first time she said something to
a classmate she was in middle school. They were learning about the expansion of
the Empire, and the wonderful, glorious Emperor. Her father was using his not
only God given right, but proven ability to dominate the weak. It was manifest
destiny, imperialism, and social Darwinism packed into one hard to swallow
pill. None of the other students had an issue with it. When Stacy overheard
Lelouch's muttering, she gave a quizzical look, and blatantly said she didn't
believe it. "You should have just gone to the military then. They relocated all
the Britannian expats. Only Numbers were left to fend for themselves, and it
served them right."
Thankfully, Ashford was built not long after. Her time spent as a "dirty Number
loving liar," was limited. Compulsory education for Britannians would no longer
be a chore.
Abigail surely heard even worse, or better, depending on the mindset, stories
since she was so detached. Lelouch couldn't blame the woman for her "better
than thou" ideology. It was bred into her, both by blood and environment. If a
person wanted to have a nature vs. nurture argument, he or she would need to
look elsewhere, probably towards Lelouch.Would I have been like Abigail? The
thought of finding any silver lining in her exile, and the systematic massacre
of millions of people was disgusting. Then again, that is what Zero did with
the botched SAZ event. The first one, obviously, when she made Euphie kill all
those innocent people.
"Do you play chess?" Lelouch asked, turning to the best of her abilities
towards her companion.
She was not so politely ordered to stay lying on her left side by the new
doctor. Her situation went beyond Cheryl's abilities, although the woman stayed
on staff for moral support. A Dr. Pittman made her place quite clear. Lelouch
felt stuck in a time warp. The medieval air of the room and misogynic treatment
were making her confused. That could also have been because of the substantial
sum of drugs that were pumped into her body, at first through syringes and the
IV. Lelouch remembered cycling through fits of giggles, and paranoia as the
staff at the hospital struggled to get the dosage to of the sedatives enough to
where she could sleep, but be mostly cognitive.
It was debatable if Dr. Pittman cared so long as he wasn't doing harm to the
babies. He scorned Lelouch. Viewing her with mild interest through wire rim
glasses, he said plainly "my job, Empress, is to ensure the growth of his
majesty's offspring. They are my top priority. Not you." Apparently, despite
the Britannian medical system being able to support the twins' lives, it was
preferable to make her into nothing more than an incubator. Her elevated status
at the coronation was inconsequential in comparison.
Beta-mimetic adrenergic agents, magnesium sulfate, prostaglandin synthetase
inhibitors, and calcium channel blockers; these were his cocktail of choice
until the contractions stopped, and Lelouch was able to be transferred back to
the palace against the bitter man's recommendation. [2]
"No." Abigail didn't bother to look up from her novel, clearly a book of smut
with minor plot. The cover consisted of a Fabio inspired male straddling a
woman with mountains in the background. Both persons were half naked.
"I could teach you." Lelouch said after a while. It took a moment for her to
remember the conversation. Her mind often wandered. "Chess."
That caused the woman's crystal blue eyes to neglect the literature. Abigail
shut the book with a loud "thud," that seemed to radiate through her tiny body.
Her already proper poise on the sofa became rigid, and she glared at Lelouch.
Her expression reminded the Empress of Spaceballs, and hair dryer scene. If she
wanted to make the duchess more livid, she could quote it: "Well, what have we
got here? Will you look at her? Those flashing eyes, those flushed cheeks,
those trembling lips. You know something Princess? You are uglywhen you're
angry." She didn't. That was a joke for her and Suzaku; instead Lelouch quirked
an eyebrow.
"Of course I can play chess." The Lady Chapman ground out. " If I would have
known that he was serious, perhaps our roles would be vastly different. Except
you would continue to be a nobody."
"Serious?" Lelouch asked before she could stop herself. Morbid curiosity mixed
with boredom could make anyone self-destructive. "You mean..."
"The Emperor's statement that he would only marry a woman who could beat him at
chess. [3] Honestly, I thought he was being coy considering." She paused,
letting Lelouch come to her own conclusions. "It is only a matter of time
before he gets bored with you. He always does. Chances are the only reason he
married you was to make the children legitimate. No one wants to admit to
siring bastards, and he needed an heir anyway."
She sighed, and picked up the book again. "Once that happens he will either
divorce you, or follow in his father's footsteps, and take a second wife. Your
children will be pushed to the wayside, and a child born of dual noble birth
will be chosen as crowned prince. One that will be more accepted in court. Just
like how those Vi Britannia children were always last in line. [4]"
Lelouch bit the inside of her cheek, taking several calming breaths. It would
do no good if she got upset. Her heart rate would become elevated, and trip the
sensors. Dr. Pittman, that sadistic asshole, would surely enjoy scolding her
over something outside of her control. "Abigail, unless you believe me to be so
doped up that I won't remember anything, you are not nearly intelligent enough
to beat Schneizel at anything, least of all chess. Your family was all but
destroyed during the Emblem of Blood for making bad choices. I suggest you
don't repeat history."
She huffed, and continued to read through her book.
Lelouch felt compelled to apologize. Not for any type of wrongdoing. It would
be the type said out of pity. "I'm sorry for your loss of status," although the
last part would most likely be left out. She laughed, one of her unstable
frightening cackles, at the idea. Perhaps she still had too much pride to have
the ability to look down on Schneizel's former fiancée, still salty at her
perceived misfortune, with condolences.
"You are deranged." Abigail scoffed.
"Possibly," Lelouch smirked.
The only reprieve from Abigail was when Sakoyo replaced the duchess, and a
similar air was directed at her. The chivalrous, empathetic Japanese woman
would look at Lelouch with pity, unsure of how to remedy her mistress' misery.
Lelouch was too far-gone to try to leave. No matter what Sakoyo and Kallen
suggested, she was helpless until the twins were born. Something Dr. Pittman
and Schneizel seemed adamant on putting off as much as possible.
He visited her often. Schneizel came to her room multiple times a day,
appearing to spare every moment he could for her. He listened to her comments
with a sad smile, brushing the bangs away from her forehead. The few times she
attempted to get out of bed he held her down, not harshly, but enough to get
his point across. She wept in frustration, banging her fists against his broad
chest. He made no attempt to stop her; that was how pathetic she was to him.
Instead he rubbed her back, and held her otherwise still.
"You are strong, Lulu. The strongest person I know. Sometimes there is strength
in weakness, and vise versa. There are things outside of our control, and this
is one of them."
"Bullshit. You are the one who chose an obstetrician who views me as little
more than the house for your children. Abigail is the same. Everything you do
is meant to take me down a peg or two."
"If that is true, then it certainly has not worked." He kissed the top of her
head, running his fingers lightly against her massive belly. The monitors were
removed, and he felt as well as viewed the twins shift. She was stretched so
far an outline was visible. She thought it was disturbing. Schneizel liked it.
"You are more feisty than ever, my love."
He was a dirty liar, and yet she accepted his lies as truth. It was better than
the masochistic, depressed thoughts swirling in her head. The only thing she
didn't wish to accept was his assessment that "Suzaku didn't want to visit." It
contradicted what was said in the student council clubhouse. She wasn't certain
what was the worst scenario: Schneizel preventing access to her, or Suzaku
brushing her off, avoiding her in such a state. Neither was desirable. There
didn't seem to be a reality she wasn't being hurt by someone who claimed to
care about her.
She tried not to think about it, and time past incredibly slow. That month on
bed rest was pure hell, and not only because she couldn't stand sponge baths.
It was debatable what was worse, bed rest, or the time it took to go into labor
after she was off restrictions. Contrary to belief, she did not, in fact, give
birth the moment she rolled over, and stepped onto the floor. Surely, it was
better that way. She was so tired, despite not moving, that there was no way
she could have endured it. A c-section would have been inevitable.
Dr. Pittman, of course, suggested it. She was put on severe bed rest to keep
the little shits in, and then that sadistic asshole suggested inducing, and
scheduling a cesarean nearly immediately after he deemed her safe to deliver.
Needless to say, he met an untimely end due to too much pent up frustration.
Schneizel said nothing, merely raised an eyebrow when the most renowned doctor
in all of Britannia committed suicide. He asked Lelouch if she wanted details,
and she smirked, responding she was "well aware of the final message written in
blood and feces."
Her husband was more concerned with another restricted that was lifted. How he
was capable of thinking of her in such a way was baffling. To say the act was
awkward would be a gross understatement. No matter the position, Lelouch wasn't
merely an immobilized turtle; she also could barely breathe from the pressure
of the twins pushing down on her. Schneizel didn't seem to mind. His sentiments
seemed to be the opposite.
"Schneizel. Stop." She voiced, a mixture of a groan and a moan. "That's not
funny."
"Hmmm?" He hummed, meeting her gaze with clouded eyes. "I'm nothing but serious
about you, Lulu. Let me." She bit her lip and nodded. He grinned, continuing.
"Besides, you have been complaining for over a week now."
She couldn't deny that she was ready for pregnancy to be over. Still, over the
course of everything, her interpretation of her body changed, with some parts
in particular. Perhaps Dr. Pittman's views rubbed off on her slightly, or maybe
it was normal. [4] Her husband seemed to retain his normal infatuations, with
some added kinks. He fondled her breast, small in comparison to her beach ball
sized belly, but bigger than even Cornelia's. This time she didn't complain
when he took a pert nipple in his mouth and sucked.
There wasn't any milk yet. That comes a couple to several days after birth. She
was able to feel an internal pull as he drew out colostrum, the thicker, and
nutrient dense pre-milk that went with a newborn's tiny tummy, and suckling
reflex. When women say that they were constantly nursing, there is no
exaggeration. Lelouch had an inclination that too could be added to Schneizel's
list of fetishes. She would somehow be convinced to nurse three persons instead
of two. He moaned, moving to her other breast after several minutes, ignoring
her comments regarding contractions.
It still took nearly two weeks to go into labor. That might not be a correct
statement. More so it took two weeks for her to notice that her labor started
nearly two months prior, stopped, and had begun again. She was already used to
feeling random, sporadic, painful contractions by the time her water broke on
the way to dinner. She had to stop, and breathe through the pain in her lower
back, and thighs. A whimper escape and she bent down. At first Lelouch thought
she peed herself. Warm fluid left her, but it was nothing like the balloon
bursting she expected or saw on TV. It wasn't all at once either. She barely
got through an embarrassing string of excuses when she realized it was not
urine, and another much more painful wave washed over her.
People who walk through labor were either laymen superheroes, or had a vastly
different experience than her. For how long, arduous, and slow paced her
primordial labor was, the real thing was like a whirlwind. There were no breaks
between the immense pain, or, at least, none that she could count. She couldn't
fall asleep between them, or take a several minutes to regain her thoughts. [5]
The experience could only be compared to being stuck on the front of a high
sleep bullet train, and the only concern is to hold on for dear life.
That was the second time that someone had to carry her when she refused to
move. The only person who could handle her was Schneizel. His hulking form,
towering over most others, contained her thrashing 180lb body without issue.
The verbal insults caused his jaw to tighten, but those too were something he
could handle, and was debatably used to hearing.
"Don't you. Ah! Dare. Oh god. Fuck. Take me. Hospital." She squeezed her eyes
shut, rubbing her head against his chest.
"Lulu," he gently reprimanded. She thrashed harder, attempting to push off from
him when he rounded the corner. She screamed nearly incoherent strings of
words. He got the idea. "Fine. You win."
She gave birth on the bed, his bed. Lelouch refused to be put back into the one
she used during bed rest. Cheryl was there, Kallen, and of course, her husband.
She didn't notice any of them. The midwife had to repeat herself several times
before words filtered through Lelouch's hazed mind. At a later date she would
comment on how home births are usually cheaper, however, that isn't factoring
in the cost of one of a kind linens, mattresses, and a husband's desire to have
damn near everything replaced.
Birth is messy, and painful. Lelouch could only register the pain, refusing
anything that would take it away. She had enough drugs in her system to keep
the fucking assholes, just like their father, in. She didn't want any aid in
pushing them out… Even if it was the most painful experience in her life.
Her vocabulary could have made a sailor blush. Kallen was the only one spared
from her onslaught. Even C.C., who was still absent, was cursed for being a
"stupid selfish abandoning witch." Schneizel's insults were the most colorful.
Cheryl was somewhere in the middle. Mostly she was called a "dirty fucking
liar," any time any encouraging words were given. Lelouch felt like she just
couldn't do it.
"I don't want to be in labor anymore!" She cried, clutching the headboard for
dear life."
Schneizel chuckled. "You won't be soon, my love."
"You are almost there. Do you feel a need to push yet? I'm ready whenever you
are. You are fully dilated." Cheryl coaxed.
"I'm not ready. I will never be ready. Fucking damn it. Just make it stop. Give
me a c-section. I don't care. I can't push. I'm too tired, I just can't do it."
"Lulu,"
"Don't fucking touch me!" She snarled, at whom she wasn't certain. She was
dying. There was no way she was going to survive this.
That instinct did kick in, to push, because there was no way Lelouch made
cognitive decision to do so each time. The pain was constant, and nothing,
nothing, nothing, no matter what; hurt as much as pushing. That phase is called
"the ring of fire" for a reason. It burned, and hurt more than words can
describe. She screamed and lowered her hips with each contraction. There had to
be a difference in timing. In the back of her mind she registered Kallen
soothing, and Cheryl's instructions.
The desire stopped for a minute, and Lelouch could cry she was so happy.
"Ok one more."
"You have got to be fucking kidding me." She deadpanned.
"Uh Lulu, you are having twins." Kallen smiled weakly.
She hated them. Fucking children. Demon spawn. On cue the next wave hit her,
and thankfully Lila seemed to pave the way for Arthur since he was born merely
fifteen minutes after his sister. After four hours of sheer hell she was done.
Strangely, she felt fine. Lelouch rolled over with a surprisingly serene smile
that only amplified when Arthur was out on her bare chest. A few moments later
Schneizel released Lila. The two of them were the most amazing persons she had
ever seen.
They were near bald and beautiful. The children were small, by single birth
standards, but big for twins. To her Lila and Arthur looked massive. Lelouch
had no idea how she managed to be pregnant with them or push them out. Lila was
6lbs 4oz, and 20inches long. Arthur was 6lbs 7oz, and the same length. They
might have weighed more at birth, since they weren't put on a scale for several
hours.
Lelouch cried examining their wrinkled feet and hands, massive heads, and dual
grey eyes. It would be a while before she knew who's they took after. Obviously
their eyes would be a shade of purple. Arthur's thin dark strands were pitch
black, and Lila had medium brown. It would likely lighten. Lelouch smiled,
thinking it would be funny if her son looked just like her, and her daughter
took after Schneizel.
"I love you," Schneizel mumbled into her hair, kissing her temple slick with
sweat.
"I love you too." Lelouch said, and in that moment she meant it more than
anything, minus her love for the children, of course. Natural oxytocin is an
intoxicating thing.
===============================================================================
Sociologist Allan G. Johnson said, "Misogyny is a cultural attitude of hatred
for females because they are female." If that were indeed the case, then
Schneizel was the farthest from a misogynist. He felt no hatred towards women,
and not simply because he, arguably, lacked the ability to hate. Such emotions
were experienced sparingly, and in immeasurable bursts. Even during such
bursts, he did not feel hatred towards women as a generalization.
His complaint was that there was only one Lulu. No one could argue that he was
misogynist towards his dearest sister. Everything he did was to showcase her
strength, and his admiration. She was perfection, and never more so than in
labor. She denied drugs. It didn't come as a shock; she was always stubborn,
feeling the need to do things her way, and no other.
Her slender body, disproportionately weighed down at the torso, shook with
incredible pain. A part of him wanted to bring her pleasure to compliment it.
She denied his every touch, or was so caught up in the experience, she didn't
notice. It was of little consequence. There was no way to participate in her
situation, and he was strangely content to watch. Normally watching something
so tantalizing would bore or frustrate him. Then again, Lulu had an ability to
defy logic. Even before she had geass she could make the impossible possible.
Every whimper, cry, curse, and scream sent a chill down his spine. The Knight
of Two, appointed by Lulu, and not Schneizel, watched him like a hawk. Her
meager means of intimidation were a nice reprieve to his excitement. Humorous
would be a good way to say his opinion on the matter. Kallen Stadfeld, once a
Prisoner of War, given to Lord Kururugi, was now ranked nearly as high as the
full-blooded Japanese Knight. More, possibly, considering that she earned her
own stripes, and wasn't granted such a title through questionable means. It
just exemplified how much Lulu could inspire people. Geass was meant to isolate
a person, and yet for her it only brought more devotion.
"I can't do it. I can't do it." Lulu chanted unaware that her hips moved in a
rhythm with her words.
Birth reminded him of sex.
To quote Ina May Gaskin, a famous midwife, "If a woman doesn't look like a
Goddess during labor, then someone isn't treating her right." Lulu looked like
a goddess wreathing during intercourse, and even more so then. Her hips thrust
back with every contraction, acting in a primal fashion he never saw her adopt
previously. Perhaps that was why Lulu felt incapable; she functioned based on
critical thinking, and at this moment there was none. Thought, that is. She was
waltzing with biological memory, passed down from her own mother, that wretched
woman.
The female form was stronger, and more capable in many ways to his own. His
father wanted to make everyone the same. That would, however, take away the
beauty of the world, of Lulu, and of contractions.
She clutched the headboard and pulled herself up on all fours. Her eyes were
distant, in another plane of existence. Schneizel unabashedly moaned at the
sight of her, feral, strong, and capable. Her long black hair clung to her bare
back, her massive belly brushed against one of a kind linens, her ample breasts
bounced with the force of her swaying.
His original intent to have only two children: one for Charles and one for him
were lost. He would put Lulu in labor every day if he could, if for no other
reason than to see her so act so impregnable. A wry smile tugged at his lips at
the term he chose. How fitting. She was not likely to be weakened or changed.
Conquering was another subject, and an art form.
Lila came first, and he was hesitant to touch her. Lulu was still in a trance,
not acknowledging those around her. When the spell was broken, she refused,
fearful that she would harm her daughter accidentally when pushing out their
son. Schneizel uncharacteristically felt lost when the small child was handed
to him. He cupped her head and butt, awkwardly holding the wailing thing out
for someone else to take. She was so small and fragile. He didn't know what to
do, or if he wanted such a role.
"Unbutton your shirt, and give her skin to skin contact. She's cold, and over
stimulated. She's used to being inside the womb, your majesty." Cheryl said,
taking a pause from Lulu.
He sat on the plush wing backed chair by the fire. The room was nearly a carbon
copy of his one on the Avalon, just much more vast. Lila quieted when he placed
her tiny body against his large chest. She struggled against the undeveloped
muscles of her neck, and the two made eye contact. Her eyes were grey, as to be
expected. Still, he saw himself in the nondescript irises.
This little creature was part him, more so than anything else. The other half
was Lulu. This much was known prior to even conception. The "birds and the
bees" conversation was closer to two decades ago than one. Somehow it was a
surprise to see his eyes staring back, or his nose, mouth, and everything else.
He found himself examining, and rubbing the pink skin, covered in vernix. [6]
Charles, his and Lulu's father, saw all his children as an extension of the
common consciousness. Schneizel was different in that regard. His daughter was
a part of himself, and Arthur surely was as well.
He certainly couldn't be considered misogynist since two things he valued more
than anything were female.
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