Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1038678.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Thor_(Movies)
  Relationship:
      Loki/Thor
  Character:
      Loki, Thor, Sif, Frigga, Odin, Warriors_Three
  Additional Tags:
      Purring!Loki, Weird_Biology, Guilt, Angst, Fluff, Internalized
      Homophobia, Dubious_Consent, Pseudo-Incest, Brotherly_Bonding, Brotherly
      Affection, Brotherly_Nonconsensual_Sexual_Healing, Odin's_A+_Parenting,
      Alien_Puberty_Issues, Frottage
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-11-10 Updated: 2014-08-24 Chapters: 10/? Words: 30294
****** Chamber Music ******
by Chianine
Summary
     Thor is the only one who can make Loki purr.
***** Chapter 1 *****
For as long as he could remember, Thor had been Loki's one and only intimate.
It was Frigga's insistence that it be so; she wanted Loki's entire dependence
to be wrapped up in one being, someone powerful and incorruptible, someone
sensitive yet decisive and responsible. And most important, someone who would
love Loki no matter what the future held. Thor knew he had failed to live up to
all but one of these expectations, and because of his weakness he had allowed
his brother's fall. But even after everything that happened- the fateful trip
to Jotunheim, Thor's banishment, and the shameful events in Midgard, his mother
still claimed she didn't regret her decision.
Then again, there were a few things she didn't know about Thor and Loki.
===============================================================================
When Odin had brought home the Jotun infant, Frigga realized that she couldn't
expect to raise him the same as her Aesir son. She immediately sought out
everything she could get her hands on about the people of Jotunheim. The most
important issue she had uncovered was that of bonding through physical touch.
The harsh climate of Jotunheim had favored those who held their loved ones near
to them and shared warmth. Some individuals were born with a strange mutation
that caused them purr like a feline under the loving caresses of their families
and mates. Those with the mutation had a better rate of survival, as the sound
and warmth the anomaly produced made them desirable companions. After
generations, the adaptation of purring became widespread.
Frigga discovered that this purring practically dominated the interpersonal
lives and social structure of the Jotun people. In the lifetime of an
individual, only one or two intimates are chosen or selected to bond with. This
is necessary because the rapturous and vulnerable state that Jotuns fall into
when they are being caressed requires that their partners be those they can
trust. The pleasure they feel when they are made to purr is so overwhelming
that they can become completely unaware of their surroundings, or anything
beyond the affection they are receiving at the moment. Alternately, if an
individual does not receive these attentions regularly, they can become
emotionally unstable, depressed, or insane. Also, individuals suffer when a
mate is lost and rarely find satisfying replacements. In Jotunheim, arranged
marriages were common practice as they allowed children to begin bonding to
their lifemates while still young. These bonds are so strong that the death of
a partner, also called an intimate, is often followed by the death of the one
left behind, either through loneliness, madness, or suicide.
How could Frigga ensure the emotional health of her adopted son? Of course she
herself would hold the infant to her chest and stroke his back and hair,
cherishing his very first little rumblings. But she could not expect to be
there for her son all of his life, and couldn't predict what kind of mate would
be appropriate for him to share his life with. Arranging an early marriage was
therefore out of the question. She also had to face the harsh reality that his
heritage and strange biological needs might not be acceptable to most of the
Aesir. Even Odin seemed somewhat disturbed by the vibrating baby he rarely held
to his heart as readily as he did his older son.
But Thor was a child who had not yet been indoctrinated into Asgardian
prejudices, and to him his baby brother was nothing short of a treasure. She
hoped that raising Thor to be Loki's intimate from an early age would encourage
him to cultivate the sensitive, nurturing personal traits she often found
lacking in Asgard's warriors. Loki would grow up secure in his brother's love
and devotion, never feeling like an outsider or a monster. Since it was already
apparent that Odin would be sparing with his love for Loki, she wanted there to
be a strong male figure that could replace his affection in her younger son's
life.
Odin had not been happy about Frigga's decision. He believed that through
enchantments he could cure the Jotun child of his purring just as he had cured
him of his natural appearance. Frigga had balked at this suggestion, refusing
to believe that Loki could be stripped of such an essential part of his nature
without there being serious negative results. She explained that for a Jotun to
be robbed of his capacity to bond would be like robbing of him of his ability
to hear or to see.
Thor had needed little encouragement in his new responsibilities. He was happy
to learn that Loki would share his bed and chamber with Thor when he got too
big for his crib. Until then he could rock the baby before bed at night and
hold him during his afternoon nap. During the day he would sword-fight and
wrestle with his playmates, always keeping an hear open to the toll of the big
clock that alerted him to the appointed time for his duties. Then he would
sprint across the palace to the nursery to take the little baby in his arms,
holding him for as long as he would stay asleep. Thor took a great pride in his
special job, singing to him and softly petting his back. He loved the warm and
purring little bundle so much that Frigga had to occasionally remind Thor not
to hold him too tightly.
When he understood how fragile the little life was he became more gentle but
also fiercely protective, even jealous. Sif, who had a kitten of her own at
home, was curious about the purring infant and asked Thor if she could try
holding the baby. Thor, seated in the rocking chair with both arms securely
wrapping his little brother, had sharply refused, saying that only he was
allowed to hold the tiny prince. Frigga had overheard his words and was tempted
to correct his rudeness. In the end she decided not to discourage his
possessive love, and Sif had to resign herself to watching Thor rock Loki from
her spot on the floor until it was time for them to go and play again.
Thor's concern for his little brother grew beyond anyone's expectations. One
night, Frigga had been roused from her sleep by Loki's screams to find her
older son already running into the nursery before her. His face was full of
terror and he began insisting that Loki was having nightmares because he was
afraid without Thor there to watch over him. Frigga could only get him to
return to his bed by promising him that the crib could be moved to his chamber
the next morning.
Even with Thor near him while he slept, Loki began having trouble sleeping
through the night. He became fussy during the day as well, and the only time he
was ever peaceful at all was in the arms of his brother. It was clear the bond
was taking well, but Frigga still feared for him as his temperament grew worse
and worse. She also noticed that though he would settle in Thor's arms, he
would no longer purr as he did before. Desperate, she knew she had to seek help
from someone who understood these things first-hand. Without Odin's permission,
she visited the dungeons to speak to the Jotun prisoners that had been brought
to Asgard after the war.
It terrified her to see them languishing in chains, suffering and angry,
despised by the guards who would watch over them until their deaths. She was
reminded of her son's precarious position, and the challenges he would face in
his life when he understood what it meant to be a Jotun in Asgard. She asked
them for their help without revealing the identity of her son, unsure how they
would react to hearing that one of their kind was being raised as the son of
their enemy. She told them simply that she was a nursemaid in charge of a child
born into another one of Odin's prisons.
She was surprised by their willingness to help. They explained that as the
child grows, his nerves develop and his intimate will have to become more
attentive to his preferences. Every individual is unique, and only through
experimentation do Jotuns learn how they prefer to be stroked and worked upon.
What was certain was that the child must be brought to purring, the more the
better, or he would surely become ill and perish. The prisoners also attempted
to explain the way he would develop as time went on, the enraptured state he
would start falling into as he became a boy, and from there what changes to
expect as he became a young man. Frigga though, could barely focus on their
advice after they warned her of Loki's immediate peril, and she excused herself
before they had finished.
She returned to the nursery and took the wailing baby out of his crib. Placing
him in Thor's arms, she urged him to soothe Loki as one would a kitten. He
could sense his mother's fear and held Loki tightly to his chest, closing his
eyes and imagining that his life and his strength could somehow flow into his
little brother. He focused all of his mind on transferring his strength to the
weak little baby that he loved so dearly, rubbing his hands over Loki's back
and fine black hair. He sang his favorite nursery song, and hugged him as tight
as he could, knowing in his heart that he had to show Loki how much he loved
him, how important it was for him get better. He knew that Loki could
understand him, and he tried to tell his brother that he had to get strong,
tried to tell him that he knew he was tired of being a baby stuck in the
nursery all day, but that he had to get strong and purr again and if he would
do that, then Thor promised that he would never leave him alone again, that he
would share all his toys with him, and play any game he wanted, forever.
Thor concentrated all his energy on the baby in his arms, gently massaging the
chubby little limbs and nuzzling him. Eventually, Thor recognized the rising
warmth, and almost jumped right out of the rocking chair when he felt Loki
purring again. Frigga almost cried she was so relieved, but calmed herself and
Thor as he continued to rock healthy, purring baby boy. He stayed up all that
night, forcing himself to stay awake as he kept Loki in his arms, and Frigga
could do nothing to make him give up his charge. Finally, with the morning sun
coming in through the windows, she plucked the baby from his arms and carried
his brother to his own bed.
It was soon after this night that Loki was deemed ready to leave his crib and
join Thor in his bed. Thor was thrilled. To him it was like a reward for
helping Loki through his mysterious illness. He took even more responsibility
or his brother at this time, always wanting to be aware of Loki's whereabouts
and even becoming suspicious of his mother or the nursemaid's methods of caring
for him. He truly felt that he was the best one to look after his little
brother, that he could understand his needs when no one else could. He also
kept the promise he had made in exchange for Loki's recovery, and spent much of
his day playing with the baby in the nursery, teaching him his colors and his
shapes, and bringing him new toys from among his own possessions. Thor had
witnessed his little brother's very first steps and had been the one to alert
his mother. Frigga would never forget when she heard his excited cries echoing
through the palace for her to come to the nursery. She had ran wildly, panicked
that something awful had happened only to find Thor carefully guiding the
toddler across the floor.
Once Loki was walking and free to wander beyond the nursery, Thor began
bringing him to spend time with his own playmates. Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg
were wary of the dark-haired and purring little side-kick at first, but any
attempts to either tease him or exclude him were quickly corrected by a sharp
kick to the shin from his older brother. In the presence of the older children
and their games, Loki grew desperate to express himself as they did. Like his
first steps, his first words came early, no doubt encouraged by the attention
of his older brother. Thor couldn't have been more pleased. Now he didn't have
to read the baby's mind anymore!
More than any of his other friends, Sif took to the group's new little
addition. She was the youngest of many siblings, all boys, and loved the
opportunity to nurture and teach a younger person. Also, they shared an
interest in games that included things other than war. Often, when the the
other boys were fighting invisible monsters and staging large battles, Sif and
Loki would retreat to their own corner of the playroom for their favorite game,
in which Loki played the tragic princess that takes her own life when she finds
out her lover is killed, and Sif would play the charming prince who finds her
dead body and brings her back to life with magic. One day, after eaves-dropping
on part of their little performance, Thor interrupted it, announcing that there
was no way his brother was going be permitted to play such a girly part, and
that Sif should be ashamed as well for playing at such ergi things as magic.
Both of them had balked, insisting that magic was great and at least as much
fun as wooden swords. Thor had demanded that Loki rise from his makeshift-
toybox-coffin and join him in the battle against the two-headed snake that was
apparently being slaughtered at the other end of the playroom, but Loki had
refused. It was a blow to Thor; Loki had never refused him anything before.
“Fine! I'll leave you two girly-girls to your ergi little games! See if I
care!” But he did not rejoin the other little warriors in their attack on the
snake because he had to run out of the playroom and into the garden before
anybody could see him crying.
He let go of his emotions under a great tree. His heart was breaking. How could
Loki prefer Sif to him? How was her game more fun than his? And even if it was
the just the game he liked better, why wasn't Thor invited to play? They were
supposed to be brothers, and intimates. They should do everything together!
Angry, Thor threw his wooden sword and shield into the pond near him. Hmmf! He
could think of one little boy who wasn't getting pet that night!
“Thor! What are you doing, dear?” his mother asked, alerted by the splash.
Thor turned away from her so she couldn't see his tears. “Loki doesn't want to
be my brother anymore,” he pouted, “and I don't care!”
“Oh,” Frigga approached the little prince, trying not to laugh, “I'm sure
that's not true.”
“Yes it is! He wants to play with Sif and do ergi magic things with her instead
playing with me!”
“Now Thor,” Frigga sternly replied, “I told you I will not tolerate that word!
There is nothing shameful about your brother's interest in magic. Sorcery is as
honorable a skill as that of the warrior, and you should encourage him. Maybe
one day he will be as fine a mage as your father, or even greater.”
“Father is not a sorcerer!”
“Oh yes he is! And even your own dear mother has been known to dabble in the
enchanted arts here and there...”
“What?” Thor was thunderstruck.
Frigga put her hand on Thor's back. “Your brother has you all to himself most
of the time. It shouldn't surprise you if he wants to make new friends and play
with them from time to time. He's a very clever little boy, and you must learn
to accept the fact that other people are going to want his time and attention,
and he's going to want to give it to them.”
Thor thought about this. He supposed his mother was right, she always was, but
it still didn't make sense. That's not how he felt, he always wanted Loki at
his side, and he wished Loki felt the same way.
That night Thor lay scowling in his bed with his arms crossed tightly over his
chest. Loki came running over to the bed after washing up, hopping in next to
Thor and snuggling up to him. Thor remained as he was, unresponsive even when
Loki nuzzled behind his ear and wrapped his arms around his big brother.
“You still mad at me?” Loki asked, breathing in the scent of Thor's hair and
neck. He was already so bonded to Thor that his odor was intoxicating to him.
“Well, aren't you going to pet me?”
Thor turned and when he saw his brother's big green eyes staring at him, he
knew he wasn't going to be able to keep up the act much longer. But he didn't
have to make it too easy. “You could at least ask nicely!” he said.
“Please?” Loki asked.
Thor sighed, as if it was a chore, and unwound his arms from his own body and
pulled Loki close. He began his caresses, causing Loki to shudder a few times
from the pleasure. He knew that Loki especially liked him to start at the back
of his scalp and neck, which made him giggle and shiver until he was covered
with goosepimples.
“Thor?”
What?”
“If you want, tomorrow, you can be the handsome prince that rescues me and Sif.
And if you don't like magic, you can bring us back to life with a kiss, like
this-” Loki brought his face away from Thor's neck and planted a wet kiss on
his lips.
Thor's hand stopped. “You naughty little thing!” he said, “Boys don't kiss each
other!”
“They don't? Why not?”
“I don't know why not! They just don't, that's all.”
“Not even brothers?”
“No, especially not brothers!”
“Well, that's stupid.”
Thor thought about this. It was kind of stupid. “I guess, if it's for a game,
then it's all right.”
Loki stole another kiss and giggled even while Thor scolded him again. As his
hands moved down to Loki's shoulders and back, Thor felt Loki's breathing even
out and he fell to purring heavily. After he was sure Loki was asleep, he
rested his arms around the warm little body, and thought about what he would
say and do in his role as the charming prince the next day until sleep stole
over him, too.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     I love comments and criticism. Please feel free to share your
     thoughts!
In many ways, Loki's purring was like a recurring childhood illness. New
developments brought new worries, and Frigga would have every healer in the
city visit Loki to shake their heads and give perplexed responses about the
prince. The limited information Frigga had gleaned from the libraries was no
longer useful, and scholars only understood Jotun biology from autopsies or
travel notes made by explorers before the wars. This aspect of their life had
always been something sacred to them, these scholars explained, and it was
still largely a mystery to outsiders. Frigga remembered the prisoner Jotuns
that had been helpful to her in the past, but dared not return to the dungeons
in case her husband should hear about it.
Summertime was the worst- the sweating, flush-faced child spent months in a
lethargic slump, and his playmates had to work a dead or sleeping princess into
every one of their games. It was not difficult to deduce that his body was
designed for colder climates, but how he was going to survive in this one was a
daily problem. He still had to be stroked regularly, even though that caused
his temperature to rise. Swimming became a favorite pastime, and in the cool
pond Thor would caress Loki without him becoming overheated. They still
insisted on sleeping together every night and engaging their affections before
sleep, although they would both be drenched in sweat from the heat Loki
generated when he purred.
During the day, Frigga relied on reports from Thor about how Loki was doing,
since Loki himself insisted that he was only tired, but well enough. She
permitted him to go about in a tiny loin-cloth and taught Thor how to make a
turban filled with crushed ice for Loki to wear on his head. Thor liked this,
because it meant that he got to use an ice-pick. It was like a weapon to him
and made him feel like a trusted adult. He forbade all the other children from
touching it.
The first time Odin caught a glimpse of his youngest son's summerwear he was
appalled. No prince of Asgard was going to walk around the palace nearly naked
and with a dripping towel wrapped around his head. Frigga expected this, and
when she was called before him, she had her explanation ready. Odin countered
that if the prince was ill, then he was to be confined to his rooms, not made a
spectacle of. He felt that there was already too much fuss being made over the
child, and wasn't pleased with the constant flow of visiting healers and
scholars that was bringing unwanted attention to the royal family. When Frigga
explained that confining Loki would be difficult due to Thor's attachment, Odin
decided it was time to expand the elder boy's interests. He was still a bit
young, but obviously would benefit from accompanying his father on some
diplomatic outings, seeing other worlds, and doing something besides playing
nanny to his baby brother.
Thor was thrilled at the news that he would be going to Alfheim for several
weeks to witness the coronation of the new king. Afterward, he and his father
were invited on a large-game hunt through the mountains. Frigga thought this
was an inappropriate activity for both her aging husband and her young son, but
Odin would hear none of it. Sif was set to watch over Loki in his brother's
absence, and Thor gave her detailed instructions on everything from towel-
wrapping to petting. The little warriors were all envious of Thor's upcoming
adventure, and Sif was proud that she was selected to look after the prince.
The event was a disaster at home, just as Frigga had feared. Loki became
capricious, moody, and cruel to his adoring and attentive keeper. He refused
the games he previously enjoyed, insulted her ideas for new ones, and
entertained himself by telling her outrageous and scandalous lies about their
friends and servants of the palace. He insisted on sneaking into the vault and
tricked her into releasing the Destroyer. Sif was punished severely, and their
friendship was never the same again.
Sif's most important function was to replace Thor as a bed-time partner. That
had failed utterly. The closer night came on, the more emotional and difficult
Loki would become. He broke things and ran away from Sif and his mother to hide
in the palace. When he was finally located and carried to his room, he threw
incredible tantrums and refused to sleep beside Sif. He would cry and scream
through the night, and was found one morning curled into a nest he made himself
out of Thor's unwashed clothes.
Thor's adventure was not so unsuccessful. He was proud to be at his father's
side and dreamed of his own coronation when he saw the regal prince ascend his
throne. The hunt had been a spectacular event that included many honored
warriors and royalty from various realms. Thor saw great beasts and majestic
scenes he had only read about before in books, and he impressed his father with
his enthusiasm and fearless efforts to join the men. Still, Odin was disturbed
by the way Thor only seemed to speak of his appreciation for anything by
wondering what Loki would say or think when he heard about it. Thor had been
keeping what Odin thought was a journal, but when he looked into the little
book, saw that is was filled with letters written two or three times daily and
all addressed to his brother, detailing everything he had seen and done. Thor
spoke so frequently about Loki during the hunt that one warrior finally asked
about this lucky little maiden Loki, who had the prince of Asgard so wrapped up
in his puppy love that he could hardly focus on his sport. When Odin somberly
replied that it was his own brother that he wouldn't shut up about, the entire
party had laughed, embarrassing Thor.
Frigga chose to keep most of Loki's misbehavior a secret from Odin. The debacle
with the destroyer couldn't be concealed, however, and Loki was put on
restriction. It didn't matter. When Thor ran into the playroom and took his
brother into his arms after their longest-ever separation it was like theirs
were the only two souls in the universe. Thor carried his brother on his back
to their room, where they immediately curled up together and fell asleep. Loki
purred louder than Frigga had ever heard him before, and they both were so
soaked in sweat she had open the windows for air. Although her husband insisted
that Thor had the time of his life, she had a feeling that he had slept no
better than Loki without his familiar bedmate.
Thor never agreed to another trip with his father without making sure Loki
would go as well. Odin couldn't refuse Loki without making himself the enemy of
his entire family, so he was always brought along. Thor sensed that their
father was displeased by their affections, so he knew to keep it to a minimum
in front of him. Thor had also become aware of how unusual his relationship to
his brother was by the way his playmates commented on it. He still remembered
with shame how the hunter had described it as puppy love, and had learned to
keep his hands as well as his thoughts about Loki to himself until they were
alone. Even his mother watched out of the corner of her eye when they held
hands in the garden or shared fluttering eyelash kisses. Thor didn't believe
that there was anything wrong with the way he loved his brother, but he felt
that the outside world was a definite threat. Their love was something private,
something that had to seem invisible, like magic. If people didn't know it was
there, then they wouldn't try to take it away.
Their love was never invisible to their mother, even though she could see that
Thor had grown wary of showing it to others. She couldn't help remembering what
the scholars had told her about Jotuns being so reserved about sharing their
purring and bonding habits when she saw how Thor always looked over his
shoulder before picking his brother up or taking him by the hand. But Thor
wasn't Jotun and Loki seemed to care little who saw how much he reached out to
his brother, even when his hand was gently pushed away. It was society and its
prejudices that Thor was beginning to understand and react too, and she feared
she had mistakenly encouraged a love that the outside world, or worlds, would
eventually frustrate or poison. But what choice did she have? The only other
option would have been to let Loki die.
Away from the prying eyes of others, before sleep, Thor permitted himself and
Loki to shower each other in affection unreservedly. He even lifted the ban on
kissing. Loki, who had always wanted to reciprocate the caresses Thor lavished
him with, began to braid Thor's hair. They were little, intricate braids, that
Loki would often add a ribbon or beads to, and he would spend hours making them
as tight and as perfect as he could. Thor was very proud of them, for he knew
they were as skillfully done as those of any warrior of Asgard, and it was
something Loki gave him that he could show off. He liked it when Sif fingered
them and admired their quality, though she refused to ask Loki to do the same
for her.
Thor would often doze off while Loki played with his hair, and have to be
awakened with a kiss. After braids it was Loki's turn, and Thor had knew
exactly how to touch Loki and bring him to a state of bliss in seconds. Nothing
in his life felt better to Thor than knowing that no one else could make Loki
feel this good. Even though he was constantly reminded of the rights and
privileges of his position, he knew they were all things that could be taken
away from him. There had been heirs who never became kings, children whose
parents stopped loving them, and immortal warriors who were eventually killed.
And one day any of those things could happen to him. But for Loki, no one could
ever take his place. No matter what anybody else said, that was the one thing
he felt truly made him special more than anything. It was real, and permanent.
No war or misunderstanding could ever change that. Although Thor felt a little
guilty about it, he was happy when he had heard about how crazy and naughty
Loki had been when he was away. He knew it was because Loki had missed him so
much. His brother needed him, and not like everybody else did. Other people
needed him to become something, to grow up and make right decisions. But Loki
only needed Thor to love him, and to be near him, no matter how bad or wrong he
was.
He thought about Sif and the destroyer again, and wished he could have been
there to see it. He was proud of Loki for being smart enough to trick an older
child into getting herself in so much trouble. He giggled, and gave his brother
a hard kiss on the mouth. “You're going to be a great sorcerer some day!” he
proclaimed.
Loki, who was purring contently and almost asleep blinked at Thor in confusion.
“I am?”
“I'm sure of it.”
“Why?”
“Because you're clever. You're more clever than anyone else in this realm.”
“That's probably true,” Loki laughed, “and what about you? You're not mad about
kissing anymore?”
“What? I kiss you all the time!”
“No, I kiss you all the time, but that's the first time you kissed me. You said
it was naughty for brothers to kiss.”
“I never said that!”
“Yes you did!”
“Well, it doesn't matter. It's all right for us. We're different.”
“How?”
“Well, because you're different. Just don't do it in front of people.”
Loki snuggled into Thor's chest and was quiet for a while. Thor was stroking
him, but he wasn't purring because he was too distracted, thinking.
“Thor?” he whispered.
“Hmm?”
“Do you love me?”
“What!? That's a stupid question. Of course I love you.”
“Then why won't you kiss me in front of people?”
“Because... they don't like it.”
“Why not?”
“I don't know why not! They just don't. It makes them angry. Especially father.
Now go to sleep.”
Loki was too quiet again. The lack of purring meant there was still something
on his mind.
“Thor?”
“Yes?”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“What?”
“I like to make father angry.” Loki whispered dramatically.
“I know.”
“Does that make me naughty?”
Thor sighed. “Yes.”
“Well, what if I don't care about being naughty? Then I can kiss you in front
of whoever and it doesn't matter.”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“Because! I told you, it makes father angry, and I don't like making father
angry!”
“So I should be good for you?”
“Yes! Please?”
Loki thought for a minute. “Ok, I'll be good. For you.”
“Good. Now go to sleep.”
Loki's fingers found one of their favorite places wound up in Thor's hair, and
within seconds he was purring into Thor's neck.
***** Chapter 3 *****
In contrast to summer, winter months saw a vibrant and animated Loki. Thor kept
him closer than ever during this time, not only because he was a source of
energy and excitement, but also because he was prone to practical jokes and
mischief-making, which only Thor's supervision could keep in check. He slept
longer and deeper in the cold weather, purring richly through the night,
clutching Thor and warming his body to the very core.
In adolescence, Thor had begun to notice changes in Loki's intimate behavior,
things only he would have seen and chose not to share with his easily-worried
mother. Not that most of them were really problems, but he felt the desire to
keep them to himself anyway. Loki purred more readily, so much in fact, that it
would begin before they were even in bed, as if the anticipation of their
intimacy was enough to get him going. He would jump next to Thor already
rumbling and with a glint in his eye, greedily wrapping Thor in his limbs.
“Touch me, damn you,” Loki would chide him, “you've kept me waiting all day.”
But Thor very rarely made him wait all day. They were mostly alone together
during the winter, lounging in the library with their independent study
assignments, tutorless because Frigga could find no one in the nine realms
willing to put up with her younger son's cruelty for more than a day. Odin
consented because it was the least hassle, simply giving them difficult and
tedious work that would keep the troublesome pair quiet and out-of-sight. Thor
was pleased with the arrangement, especially since he spent most of his days
idly stroking his brother's back and neck, or practicing his braiding technique
on Loki while the latter completed most of the work.
“Do you want to take a look at this and make sure it's all done properly?” Loki
would ask, tossing a few parchment scrolls at him.
“How would I know? You're the clever one. I can't even begin to comprehend
these symbols, let alone what meaning their combination represents.”
“Well, maybe you'll learn something from copying them. Besides, father will get
suspicious if he sees that all of our work is done in my hand.”
“Pshh. Name me a time when father wasn't suspicious of something. And really-
do you think he looks over any of that?” Thor yawned and returned his head the
small of Loki's back, which he had been using as a vibrating pillow while his
brother worked on the floor.
“So what, you're just going to lay there all day doing nothing?”
“I'm doing something,” Thor said, bringing his fingertips to Loki's neck,
tickling him and then combing them through long strands of his hair. The steady
purring flared slightly at his touch. “I'm keeping an eye on you.”
Thor loved Loki's hair. It was the most beautiful he had ever seen, thick,
flawless, and stark black, and in his worship of it he had forbidden Loki to
take off even an inch. It now hung to his waist when he stood up, and laying
where he was, Thor could gather it into his hands and drape it over his neck.
He wished he could blanket his whole body in it, especially in this cold
weather.
“I'm freezing,” Thor said, tickling his own face with black hair, then lowering
his voice, “Come and lie with me the couch.”
Loki stopped moving his quill. “Why?” he asked.
“I told you, I'm freezing and I want to you to warm me up,” Thor said,
playfully tossing the hair into Loki's face, “that's what it's for isn't it?”
Loki pushed his hair back and smirked, “Why don't you just light a fire?”
“That's too much effort. Come on, don't be difficult,” then Thor sang, “if you
lay with me on the couch, I'll do that thing you love to your neck...”
Loki's soft and steady purr sputtered and came to a halt. Then he twisted
around to look at Thor, “Don't tease me. You said it gives you a cramp.”
“No, I said you were getting spoiled from too much of it.” Thor jumped over to
the couch, knowing Loki would be unable to resist his offer. Thor had learned
to be sparing with Loki's favorite forms of affection, using them as leverage
to get the things he wanted. Loki fell on top of Thor and they arranged their
limbs on the narrow cushions. He was already warm and purring, and Thor
shivered the cold away as he gave him a few tight squeezes. Then he brought two
fingers to the back of Loki's bare neck and worked the muscle in delicate,
circular rhythms that were soon matched by Loki's purr.
Loki's body followed his motions, the rumble deepening and heat building. Thor
lowered his hands below Loki's neck and felt him shudder as he hit another
sweet spot. After tensing for a few beats, Loki's body finally relaxed, his
lips fell apart, and Thor could hear the vibrations of his chest pouring out of
his throat. Thor moved his ear to Loki's mouth to hear it better.
He had always been interested Loki's body, but lately with the way his purring
had been changing and intensifying Thor had become almost obsessed. He longed
to understand the inner workings of it. He wished he was able to experience it
as Loki did, or at least to feel it from the inside. When he stroked his
brother, he touched almost every part of him and knew most of Loki's body
better than his own. He regretted that there was not some magical way that he
could know what his brother felt like on the inside, and dreamed of how it
would feel to reach inside of him as he purred and stroke his beating heart,
his lungs while they drew breath, and all the other wet and soft parts of his
brother he would never have access to.
Thor used his free hand and pressed it over Loki's heart, looking for the
hottest part of his body that must be the source of the purring. “Where do you
think it comes from?” he asked.
“Huh?” Loki asked, barely conscious when Thor spoke. He swallowed the excess of
fluid that had gathered in his mouth from Thor's attentions.
“And that, too,” Thor said, hearing him swallow, “Have you noticed how much
your mouth has been watering lately when you purr? The last two nights you've
drooled all over my neck and hair.”
“What?”
“Well, I didn't mind it, really. It's just, you didn't used to do that.”
“Hmm...” Loki said carelessly, still dazed from the neck massage which Thor was
now distracted from.
“See, your heart's right here,” Thor said, switching back to the previous
topic, “and while it's one of the warmest spots, it's not warmer than the other
side of your chest. So it can't be your heart. I don't think.” He continued
exploring Loki's torso with his hands, pressing on Loki's windpipe and making
him cough, pressing his fingers beneath his ribs and kneading his stomach.
“What does it feel like? Where does it feel like it's coming from?”
“It just feels... warm, that's all. It's warm all over,” Loki said, squirming
from the rough handling.
“Yes, but where? Where is the thing that causes it? Don't you want to know what
it is in you that makes it happen? I wish there was some way to look inside of
you while you're purring like this and see it. Don't you care?” Thor said,
frustrated by Loki's lack of interest in his own body. Loki was curious about
everything- plants, animals, spells, books, machines, stars, everything. The
only thing that was impossible to rouse interest in him for was his own self.
“Thor, it really comforts me to know that my future king wishes nothing more
than to see me dissected.” Loki said, “You talk like there's some extra organ
inside of me that causes it all. You know they've opened the bodies of Jotuns
before and found nothing they think would explain it. I probably have all the
same parts you do, mine just do different things.”
“Yes, but which parts? Your arms and legs aren't as hot as your chest and
belly, and they don't rumble, either. There's a center. And I'm sure it's
somewhere around here,” Thor said, hands moving lower down Loki's stomach,
“I''ll figure this out one day, even if I do have to dissect you! We'll just
put you back together in the healing room.”
“The faith you have in that healing room astounds me. If it was so wonderful,
then please tell me why the old man wears an eye- Hey!” Loki yelled as he
slapped Thor's hand away, which had ventured below the waist of his trousers.
“What do you think you're doing!?”
“What?”
“You know you shouldn't touch me there!”
“Touch you- I can touch you wherever I want!” Thor said, spurned.
“Not down there! That's too close to my-” Loki lowered his voice to a whisper,
“to my manhood.”
“What? Your manhood?” Thor laughed, “you're hardly a man, Loki, but whatever
you want to call what you've got down there, you should know that I've seen it
at least a million times before. And what's this new-found modesty from someone
who spends half the year as naked as a-”
“-don't say it- Frost Giant?” Loki seethed, “I hate that joke.”
“I wasn't going to say that,” Thor lied, “I was just going to say that, well,
that you're the last person I would ever expect to be so concerned about your,
you know- private region.” Thor said, then still feeling like he hadn't cleared
up his intentions, added, “And I wasn't going to touch it, just, you know,
around it.”
“Well, I don't want anybody touching me anywhere near there. Not even you.”
Thor, realizing Loki had completely stopped purring from the uncomfortable
topic, began gently stroking his neck, which was as tense as the expression on
his face. Something was on Loki's mind, bothering him. Thor hated when Loki
kept things from him more than anything in the world. He knew how much Loki hid
from other people, and treasured being in Loki's trust.
“What's wrong?” Thor asked, “Why are you so worried about your manhood?”
“I'm not worried about it,” Loki said, annoyed, “I just don't want anybody
touching it!”
“I wasn't touching it!" Thor copied Loki's offended tone, "my fingers were
barely below your navel, and you act like I was trying to ravish you!”
“The whole area is off-limits. It's too... sensitive.”
“Sensitive how?”
“Sensitive as in sensitive. Sensitive as in I don't want you to touch me there,
and that's all you need to know!”
Thor's brotherly concern kicked in, or maybe it was still just his curiosity.
“Are you hurt? When I saw you, or it, in the bath last night, it seemed fine to
me.”
“It's not hurt, it's just,” Loki sighed and put a hand on his forehead, “it's
just been acting up sometimes.”
Thor's hand stopped. He was staring down at the very part of Loki that was
under discussion, and wondering if Loki's problem could be related to his other
changes. Self-consciously Loki pulled the tail of his robe out from under
himself to drape it over the troublesome region.
“Loki, does it... get warm and... does it do the the same things... I mean does
it vibrate like the rest of you, when I-”
“Look, Thor, it's nothing for you to worry about,” Loki cut in, “my health is
fine and I've got it under control. It's best if you just forget about it.”
“Forget about it? Your well-being is my duty!" Thor raised his voice, "Now stop
this childishness and tell me what's going on!”
With regret, Loki realized that the conversation had come to a point where the
only way to proceed was with the truth. “It's just that, sometimes, when we're
together like this, it's, well it gets bothered. It's a curse, my body is
betraying me, and I can't help it. It just gets, you know, sensitive, when I'm
purring.” Loki, who had covered his face with his hands, peeked out between his
fingers to see Thor's expression, which was still baffled. “You know what I'm
talking about, don't you?” Loki narrowed his eyes, suddenly more concerned with
his brother's apparent dullness than his own embarrassing disclosure, “Tell me
you know what I'm talking about!”
“Bothered?” Thor repeated.
“Yes, bothered.” Loki dropped his hands and waited for a sign of recognition in
Thor's face, “Excited? Agitated? You know- aroused!”
Thor's eyes widened when he finally got it.
“You hate me now, don't you?" Loki said, desperate from the shocked look on
Thor's face, "I disgust you, you'll never touch me again!”
“No, no, no-”
“Yes! You see, this is why I didn't want to tell you,” Loki said, though Thor
was already folding his arms around him.
“It's just, I didn't realize- I just still think of you as-” Thor didn't want
to belittle Loki's manhood again, so he asked another question, “So it
happens... when you're purring?”
“Yes,” Loki answered into Thor's shoulder.
“Is it... I mean, when it, well, is it uncomfortable?”
“Sometimes. Yes, a lot.” came Loki's muffled reply.
"Is it like that right now?"
"No!" Loki screamed into his ear.
"Just asking," Thor grimaced from the assault on his ear, "do you ever...
relieve yourself... of the problem?”
“How?” Loki asked, “You mean... in front of you? Are you insane?”
“No! Not in front of me!” Thor deflected, as if Loki was suggesting that he
should do that, “but... when you're alone.”
“No... I can't.”
“Why not?”
“Why are you asking me this?”
“Because I'm your brother!”
"Thor, you don't want to know this!" Loki warned.
"Yes, I do!"
“All right," Loki sighed, steeling himself, "I can't do that, because... Oh
Thor, can't you just forget about this!?"
"No!"
"Fine. It's because I don't feel that way... unless you're around.”
Thor was stunned, mostly because he liked hearing that response, and realized
that there was some dark part of him that wanted Loki to feel that way. He
wanted to speak, but could only swallow the spit that was stuck in his throat.
Loki was silent, barely even breathing, and laying stiffly in Thor's arms as if
he hoped the world might forget he was alive. Thor attempted to pull his face
out of its hiding place in Thor's own neck but Loki resisted.
“Look at me,” Thor whispered to him, and made a second attempt to lift Loki's
face. He wasn't crying, but the anguish in his averted eyes was more than Thor
could bear. He had to speak, even if empty words was all he had to offer. “We
are brothers, Loki. This will not beat us. There must be some way to fix this,
and we will find it. I swear!”
Loki's face broke, and tears fell out of his eyes, “No Thor, there isn't! Don't
you think I've searched! I've even been to the dungeons and spoken to the Jotun
prisoners, there's nothing I can do. I'm cursed! I'm bonded to you, and I'll
feel this way for the rest of my life. And it's worse now that you know, it's
disgusting, and if I were you I would hate me for it...” Loki rambled on as
Thor tucked back him into his shoulder, spilling all the frustration and anger
he had been bottling up for so long.
Thor wondered how Loki could have kept this hidden from him for so long, and
how Thor hadn't noticed anything himself. He had never imagined his brother as
a sexual being, he still saw him as a pet or a beautiful doll. Even though he
wouldn't say it to Loki, Thor knew that he would never perceive their
affections in the same light again.
“...you mustn't tell mother anything about this!” Loki finished, bringing his
face out of Thor's shoulder to make sure he heard.
“Of course not!”
“Although, Thor, I do think she made a terrible mistake-”
“No! Don't say that. You don't know-” Thor sighed, “Loki, my earliest memory is
of you, when you were a baby, and very sick. You almost died because you
weren't getting the love you needed. I remember it because I was so scared,
more than I ever have been in my life. I held you, and cried and sang to you,
and when you started purring and warmed up, I promised I would give you
whatever you needed, forever. She made no mistake. It had to be like this, or
you wouldn't be here. So stop thinking you're cursed. If you need to blame
someone, blame me. I made that promise, and I intend to keep it.”
Loki was not reassured, however he was touched by his brother's devotion and
strength, even if it was rooted in blind stubbornness. He wanted to kiss him,
but thought better of it. He wiped the slippery wetness from his face and took
a deep breath. “I love you, Thor,” Loki said, “but I'm really tired of hearing
that story every time you or mother are feeling sentimental.”
Thor laughed. As long as Loki was able to find his sarcasm, Thor knew he would
be all right.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter, all warnings apply.
Thor went alone to the baths that night. Loki had gone after dinner without
saying anything to Thor, and instead of inviting himself along he gave Loki his
space, even though this was the night Loki usually washed his hair for him. It
was a disappointment. He sat alone in the royal baths, lathering his hair
somberly and thinking of the conversation in the library.
The subject of lust had been the one topic Thor and Loki had never discussed
before. Loki had never shown interest in it, (for reasons he now understood)
and sex for Thor had not been what he had hoped. It was messy, invasive, and
never quite as fulfilling as his fantasies. Even with Sif, when he took her
down during a hunting trip, he was nervous and clumsy, apologetic and self-
conscious. He had rushed himself to climax just to get the miserable thing
over, and he and Sif had never spoken about it afterward. He had not conducted
himself like a prince.
Before that, when he was first aware of his urges, Sif had been the thing he
wanted most. He couldn't remember how he had learned about it, but he knew what
a woman's body was like, and he knew what he wanted to do to her. Things fit
between a woman and a man. He knew she had a warm place hidden on her body that
was made for him to occupy. Thinking about it flustered his thoughts, and he
soon learned how to find privacy and put himself right.
When he had suggested that Loki try the same solution, he didn't know what Loki
would think about, if anything, while he did it. What about Thor could put him
in such a state of excitement? What was there for two men to do to each other?
The men who were called ergi did not just act like women, from what Thor was
told, they also desired to be taken like women, by other men. He assumed the
impossibility of satisfaction was just part of their curse. Loki, though, was
different. He was bonded to Thor, and it was his body that was confused, not
his mind. There must be some way to redirect his urge outward, towards other
people he could satisfy himself with. He might meet someone he fancied, fall in
love, and form another bond with someone else who could -
No. Thor didn't want any of that. Loki chatting and giggling with someone else,
pining over some silly maiden, lying with her on the couch and letting her put
her hands all over his body? Would she be able to do it right? Of course not.
And what would happen when she grew tired of Loki and his moods and caprices?
Be done with him? Leave him alone to suffer? No, Thor could never permit any of
that. There was only one person that could be trusted with that most delicate
side of Loki, and that was Thor. Other people didn't even really understand the
Loki he knew, the one who moaned and clutched helplessly in his hair as Thor's
hands moved over his body, so exposed, so open, nothing like the mean and
conniving brat most other people perceived him to be.
It was really impossible to describe Loki when he was in a state of rapture
during petting sessions. This had started recently, when instead of just
becoming sleepy and dozing off, Loki now entered an uncanny semi-consciousness
when Thor was giving him pleasure. Of all the changes Thor had seen Loki going
through, this one thing had been the most significant. He had been warned about
it, but until it started happening, he hadn't really known what to expect. It
was like he was hypnotized, somnambulatory, there, but not there. His eyes
would be open, but glossy and dilated. He would look at Thor, or, more
precisely, it seemed like he was looking through him, and he wouldn't answer
anything Thor asked him. At first thinking Loki was playing a trick, he would
threaten to spit on him, break his things, and even loudly farted once just to
see how Loki would react. It was like he was deaf. He was insensible to words,
though he was still able to reach out and know Thor's body, return caresses
passionately, and respond to Thor's attentions in gasps. And when it was all
over, either in the morning or after Thor had walked away from him, Loki would
remember absolutely none of it.
In the beginning it seemed as though Loki was lost or asleep behind those
glassy eyes, but as Thor became accustomed to it, he thought of it as an
unmasking. The spiteful youth who hid himself behind wit and jibes was lost,
and Loki as he really was, sensitive, trusting, and badly in need of love, was
all that was left. Only Thor knew that side of him; even Loki didn't believe
him when he described what it was like, and seemed embarrassed whenever Thor
talked about it. Thor,on the other hand, was envious. He wanted to feel what
Loki felt in that rapture, that total loss of self-awareness and control. He
once believed sex must be like that, or even better, and in his fantasies
pictured Sif and other maidens acting as Loki did when he touched them. But in
reality, it was never like that. They were as self-conscious as he was, they
never whined or reached for him with quite the same desperation, and worst of
all, their bodies seemed cold and inert.
Loki's expressive purring body could never be matched. He would never find a
woman that could satisfy him, whose body would be so inviting, no, demanding of
his attention, and for that, he felt cursed. He dreamed for a minute what it
would be like, to be inside something so thrumming with life, so hot and
excited, unhesitant, insistent, needing and wanting only him. If Loki could get
so beside himself for a little massage, how would he abandon himself for a
lover? And that purr, what would it feel like, to be wrapped in that heady
throb, to put his fingers, his tongue, his - what if it were possible to -
Three guards ending their shift came rattling into the baths. Thor lowered
himself into the water, dunking his head to wash the soap out of his hair. They
apologized when they saw him, but he excused them, admitting that he had stayed
longer than usual. He wanted to get out, but realized with consternation that
he was bothered, as Loki called it. He waited a few moments before rising from
the water, dressing, and leaving for his chambers.
Loki was tucked into the corner of their bed, with a giant book in his lap.
Typically, if he mounted the bed first, he would sprawl himself out in the
middle, but tonight he gave most of the bed to Thor. When he got beneath the
covers, Loki didn't even look up from his book.
“Come here,” Thor said, staring at Loki's face and wondering how a boy could be
so pretty even when he was frowning. He patted the empty space beside him and
yawned.
“No. I don't want that tonight,” Loki said meekly, barely above a whisper.
Thor disliked timidity, and coming from Loki, it was intolerable. He knew best
way to fix this disgusting mood was to provoke Loki's wrath. “I said come
here!” and he made a surprise attack, one hand darting beneath the sheets to
roughly squeeze Loki's cripplingly ticklish side. He yowled, and Thor laughed,
even as he felt himself being beaten over the head with a pillow.
“I hate you!” Loki screamed, and the beating stopped. Thor was still overcome
with gleeful triumph when he felt a body roughly trampling his own as it passed
over him. He came to his senses in time to catch a slender foot and the hem of
a nightshirt.
“Where are you going?” Thor demanded.
“There are over forty guest rooms in this palace where one can rest without
being manhandled,” Loki said, reclaiming his foot and smoothing his ruffled
hair, “and I'm going to find one of them.”
“Why wouldn't you just come to me when I asked you to? Why are you – why didn't
you wait for me to go to the baths?”
Loki narrowed his eyes at Thor, and attempted to free the nightshirt from his
grip.
“Nothing has changed,” Thor lied in response to Loki's look, “just get back in
bed. Besides, if mother finds out you've been sleeping in one of the guest
rooms, she'll think we've been fighting and there'll be plenty of questions. I
know you hate that.”
Loki sighed, but was hesitant to give in. Thor wrapped the nightshirt around
his hand, showing Loki that it was going to be a struggle if he didn't.
“Let go of my clothes! Don't you threaten me like that!”
If he had still wanted to leave, Loki would have fought or torn out of the
nightshirt. Thor let go, knowing Loki wouldn't say something like that unless
he was going to let Thor have his way. Loki had to have the last word.
With a sigh Loki crawled back into the bed and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Do you really hate me?” Thor asked after a minute.
Loki sighed, “When you truly hate someone, you don't care if your feelings
matter to them. You call them a name, or you insult their family or their
social standing. When you tell someone you hate them in anger, it's usually
because you love them very dearly, and expect them to be wounded simply by your
hatred,” Loki lowered his voice, hesitant to say the last part, “false though
it may be.”
“So you don't hate me?”
Loki didn't answer.
Thor put an arm over him, trying to draw him close. “I know you're upset about
this... change, but it doesn't mean we need to be strangers to each other. It
wasn't a problem before today, and I want you to know that it doesn't matter to
me.”
“It matters to me,” Loki said.
Thor lifted his hand, trembling and unsure to Loki's chest, letting it glide
over his shoulders and the open neck of his nightshirt. His body was cold and
tense, and Loki closed his eyes and winced as if he was in pain.
“Doesn't it feel good anymore when I touch you?” Thor asked.
“Yes,” Loki admitted, but Thor could see it hurt him to say so. It felt too
good, Thor knew, but he wanted to make it feel even better.
Thor used the lightest touch, trailing his fingertips along the length of his
brother's neck. He wanted Loki to be seeking his touch, his skin to be begging
for more. He traced the outline of his jaw, and brought his face close enough
so Loki could feel his breath on his lips, in his mouth, filling his
nostrils.“You want me to stop? I will if you want me to,” Thor whispered, his
mouth dangerously close to Loki's.
“No.” Loki gasped, barely comprehensible, as if something was fighting to stop
him admitting the truth. He was fading, passing through and trying to resist
it. Thor could see Loki's eyes rolling behind their lids, his breath hitching,
and his lips quivering, everything so alive inside him, struggling against his
mind's control. Thor circled his thumb around Loki's mouth, teasing him,
knowing there was a part of Loki hating him for it and another part dying to
taste. But Thor was dying for it, too. He pushed down on Loki's chin, guiding
his mouth open, and felt thirsty seeing the little teeth glistening inside his
brother's watering mouth. He was ready to take the plunge.
“I want you to kiss me,” Thor asked, terrified, swallowing and voice cracking,
“to show me -” he was interrupted by Loki's hand gently covering his own and
his eyes opening. They were big and black, and Loki was somewhere in them,
drowning, but still able to shake his head – no. Thor released his jaw, letting
his gaping mouth close so he could swallow all that had been gathering inside
it. “I'm sorry,” Thor whispered, relenting but still wanting.
Loki was close anyway. Thor dragged his hands hard down his neck and over the
nightshirt, and Loki's body was so hungry for it he arched into the strokes.
Thor went beneath his shirt, (Loki was already past being able to stop him) and
watched as his eyes rolled in ecstasy beneath their fluttering lids. He kept
painting Loki's bare skin with caresses, feeling the tiny hairs that stood on
end, every nerve sharpened and honed in on him, Thor. He let his hands go
uninhibited, into the sleeves to grope Loki's arms and then defiantly below his
navel to his hips. Loki shuddered twice and the purr came in uneven, violent
waves, wreaked out of him from Thor's heavy petting. Thor loved that – when it
was erratic and rending, making the proud prince into an abject kitten.
Loki was gone. Hot, limp, and defenseless. This was totally Thor's. He took
Loki's body and rolled it against his so he could feel the now steadied,
unyielding vibrations flowing into him. They were pressed against each other,
and Thor couldn't help wondering what Loki's body was doing – down there. He
tried to sense it, tried to feel some hardness in his brother's flimsy pants by
rubbing against him. Loki's vibrations, though, were too distracting,
especially against his own aroused member, which seemed possessed as it kept
grinding forward. This was the first time he had ever been like this with his
brother in his arms, and the feeling against his excited groin was as
intoxicating as he imagined it would be. The rhythmic grinding found response
when Loki suddenly thrust his hips forward to meet him.
“Loki?” Thor said, his body freezing. There was no response, it was just a
reaction from an unconscious body. The sound of his own voice, though, so
fearful and ashamed, disturbed him. Was there ever a time before this that he
had been so utterly terrified of being caught doing something, even by Loki?
No, this was definitely the worst thing he had ever done, and he was alone in
it. He tried to rationalize the situation, telling himself this was nothing
wrong, it was only curiosity, and besides, there was nothing wrong he could do,
really, since they were both men.
But it felt wrong. There must be something wrong about lying here, hard and
aching against your own brother. It felt wrong like when they broke into the
food storage and stole mead, or wrong like sneaking out of the palace to take
rides in the middle of the night. It was a thrilling, irresistible kind of
wrong, the kind Loki was best at. He always led Thor into that kind of trouble
and it seemed appropriate that Loki should take the reigns now. If only he
wasn't unconscious...
Thor brought his face next to Loki's and nuzzled him, one of their most common
forms of childhood affection. I'm here, Thor meant to tell him, show me what to
do, how to break this rule, show me what it is to be wrong like you want. He
imagined that Loki could understand him now, through their touch and their
nearness, just as he did when he was a baby, when Thor saved him from death. He
held him close and caressed him, believing his fingers could again speak beyond
the confines of words.
Loki nuzzled him back, his body thoughtlessly responding. His lips parted, and
Thor nudged closer to brush his lips against his brother's. They shared breath,
and Thor felt the hair rise on the back of his neck as he made another pass
against his brother's open mouth, lips moist and sticky. Loki closed his lips,
and Thor followed suit, sealing the kiss. There had been been a million kisses
between them, but this one felt like the first the universe had ever known. It
lasted a mortal lifetime, or seemed so, until Loki's mouth opened and he
brought the kiss back with tongue. Thor moaned as his mouth was flooded with
the wetness he had been craving, swallowing mouthfuls of the slippery fluid
being fed to him.
Loki pushed him back and kissed harder, reaching more deeply into Thor than
anyone ever had before. Thor tried to receive it all as best he could, but some
of the fluid ran over his cheeks and down his neck. It was getting messy, but
this time he didn't mind: it was Loki. A trembling hand blindly ran over Thor's
body, clutching and grabbing, getting closer to his aching groin. Thor reached
down to grab his cock, partly to protect Loki's unknowing hand and partly
because he couldn't stand neglecting it anymore. He squeezed it and pulled; it
was sticky from the heat and there was no way to comfortably relieve himself
without some lubrication, but he had no desire to get up from the bed for the
oil he kept near the wash basin.
Loki's savage kissing had traveled down Thor's jaw and into his neck. He was
using teeth, biting and sucking like Thor had never experienced before,
devouring him and causing him to see stars in his eyes. His cock hardened more
and more with every bite, until Thor became seriously worried that it would
burst. It was intolerable, he squeezed himself and yanked but still his hand
couldn't slide smoothly over it. At the same time, his neck was being soaked
from the excess of saliva Loki was producing.
Thor pulled Loki's head away from his neck by the hair, and took a good look at
the swollen lips and fluttering eyelashes. A long stringy trail of saliva
connected his mouth to Thor's neck. It was disgusting, or would have been, if
it was anybody but Loki. Thor let go of his cock and slipped two fingers into
the soggy mess, wondering if Loki could taste his manhood. Loki sucked
reflexively, and Thor shuddered at the feeling and sight of his glistening
fingers sliding in and out of the hot, vibrating hole, spittle running down his
wrists as he worked it. After tormenting himself for a few minutes, he hooked
his fingers inside and brought them out with nearly a handful of slippery
liquid.
It felt better than any oil or grease he had ever used on his cock, probably
because he knew where it came from. Loki's face was back in his neck, sucking
his earlobe as he began frantically working himself, overcome. It didn't take
long. He sprayed into his pants carelessly, pumping himself dry and soiling his
hand. When he brought it out of his pants, the pungent smell mixed with the
saliva and sweat from the two bodies. His curiosity was having free reign
tonight; he brought the hand to his mouth and sucked the come from one of his
fingers- it was thick and bitter, and stuck in his throat as he swallowed. Then
he lifted Loki's head again and let him suck the rest of the mess from his
fingers before laying him on his chest. Minutes later, they were both asleep.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Heimdall was the first thing on Thor's mind when he woke up the next morning.
That, and how he had ever worked up the nerve to allow what happened last
night. He imagined himself walking through the throne room downstairs, headed
for the open door to the courtyard, and being stopped by his father's mournful
voice calling his name. He would turn and see his father, shame and anger in
his face, while Heimdall stood by, dropping his eyes to the ground as Thor
approached. He wouldn't let his imagination take him any further than that.
Loki was already out of bed, dressing himself as he looked out the window. He
turned away and made for the other side of the room, but when he saw Thor's
open eyes, he stopped and collapsed lazily on the bed. “You're awake. Those
buffoons are out there in the courtyard, twirling their weapons around and
looking up at the window. You know they're lost without you.” Loki said,
running a brush through his hair. He watched Thor for a minute and then his
eyes narrowed and the brushing stopped.
“What?” Thor asked, wary of Loki's stare.
Loki leaned forward and pushed Thor's head to one side, running his hand over
the skin from Thor's ear to his shoulder, “You're neck - what happened to your
neck?” He said, fingering the blotchy, purpled skin, “It looks like -” Loki's
hand froze and horror filled his eyes. He backed slowly away from Thor and then
looked into his eyes accusingly, “- they look like love bites, Thor. Did I do
this to you?”
“What? No!” Thor tucked the sheets up around his neck, protecting himself, but
Loki threw them back off.
“Then tell me how those got there!” Loki said in a strained whisper, “Go ahead,
get up and take a look at yourself in the mirror!”
Thor was reluctant to get out of bed; he could feel the stiffened, soiled
fabric sticking to his body where he had messed in his pants last night and was
worried that it would be visible. But he had to know what Loki was talking
about. He jumped out of bed, shielding his groin with his hand as he ran over
to the mirror to see what was on his neck. He groaned when he understood the
reason for Loki's aghast stare. There were big, dark bruises where Loki had
loved him all along his neck. They would be impossible to hide, and could be
mistaken for nothing except what they were.
“Well?” came Loki's insistent voice behind him.
Thor groaned again as he skipped back to the bed and covered himself with his
sheets. “It's the first day of spring training, and I can't go out there like
this!”
“What happened?”
“I don't know,” Thor's voice came from under the sheets and blankets, “maybe it
happened while we were both asleep. It doesn't hurt though, so -”
“I knew it! I had the strangest feeling when I woke up this morning... that's
it – today, I'm taking my things and moving back to the old -”
“No!” Thor threw everything off of him and sat up, “No, no, no. You can't.”
Loki was peering at Thor, into him with those eyes Thor often thought were too
wise for his age, and pointing his hairbrush at him, “I had a very strange
dream last night,” he said darkly, “About you. You were hovering over me, and
asking me to -” Loki cut himself off, and watched as Thor shifted his eyes
nervously away from him, “except, it didn't seem like a dream, really. No, it
wasn't, was it?”
“I just wanted to -” Thor was searching his mind, figuring a half-truth would
be more believable than total denial, “I wanted a little practice -”
“Thor!”
“- but you said no, and that was the end of it. What happened afterward is
anyone's guess.”
Loki crinkled his brow, “It can't go on like this.”
“But what else can you do?” Thor asked, “You can't sleep alone – without me.
You'll go mad!”
“Yes! I hate to admit that it's true,” Loki rolled his eyes and continued
brushing, “but it is. There's still some things I can try, things that might
relax the more – erotic urges my body seems to be unable to suppress,” he
looked back at Thor, “as well as yours, though I can hardly say you have an
excuse. That book I pulled from father's library has some suggestions – Vanir
and Aesir recipes for inhibiting the sex drive -”
“But surely they won't work on your Jotun body -”
“We can hope!” Loki snapped, smacking Thor's thigh with the hairbrush, “You
think that hasn't crossed my mind? Besides, when did you become such a
defeatist?” Loki turned away and gritted his teeth angrily, “I couldn't find
any Jotnar love magic in any of the old tomes. Those beasts have spells for
everything – from boiling meat to sore ankles to world annihilation, but
nothing – absolutely nothing on the subject of sex.”
“Perhaps it is because of the bonds,” Thor mused, rubbing his stinging thigh,
“perhaps they are too strong to be affected by – Oww!”
Loki slapped him again on the same spot, this time hitting his knuckles,
“Defeatist!”
 
An hour later they were bouncing along together on Loki's mare, sharing a
saddle to disguise Thor's secret departure. Loki was going to gather materials
for the spells he wanted to experiment with, and Thor had implored that he be
brought along. It seemed like a good idea, considering the state of Thor's
neck. There would be questions if he went to the healing room, and Loki could
not guarantee that a glamour would remain effective if he wasn't present. And
he was not going to spend the day watching Thor grunt and swing weapons at his
friends. On the other hand, Thor could help Loki gather materials in the wood
for his spells as well as an unguent to permanently heal the bruising.
Once the trail they were riding was covered by the forest canopy, Loki relaxed
the concealing enchantment hiding Thor and he was again visible. Thor turned
his hand over in front of his eyes as he saw his own flesh reflecting light
again.
“What a riot! To see our mother inquiring about me when I'm standing right in
front of her!” Thor laughed and tightened his grip around Loki's waist from
behind. He realized this was the first time they had shared a saddle with him
not holding the reigns. It was delightful getting away from the palace and the
watchful eyes of his keepers with his favorite companion, even if it meant
taking the backseat, literally.
“How can you be so selfish? You know she's really quite worried about you!
Nobody knows where you are!” Loki scolded, raining on Thor's joy.
“What? Since when does it bother you to lie and sneak off? Besides, you gave
her that note we wrote saying I'd left early to hunt.”
“Let's hope she accepts that and doesn't ask Heimdall to find you.”
A tremor shot through Thor. “Loki - he'll see both of us!”
“No, he'll see neither of us, and that's what will be so telling...”
“What do you mean he'll see neither of us?”
“Oh, Thor,” Loki said tiredly, “haven't you ever guessed why we've gotten away
with so much over the decades? It never works when we misbehave with your
friends, only when it's just the two of us. Remember when we stole all of that
mead from the cellar and drank it in the garden during that ridiculous over-
night party with Sif and all the rest of those hooligans?”
“Yes...”
“Well, we didn't have any problems until Fandral snuck all of those courtesans
in over the garden wall and Volstagg decided to jump naked into the pond.
That's when the old cyclops came tearing out of the palace in his robe
threatening to wring our necks – that's when Heimdall alerted him to our
shenanigans. But why wouldn't Heimdall react as soon as he noticed you and I,
it was just us two, mind you, hauling that giant barrel up from the cellar?”
“Why indeed?”
Loki shrugged, “Well because Heimdall can't see me. And he can't see you either
when you're with me, I assume.”
“You assume? What do you mean, you assume? This must be you working your seidr,
so how can you not tell who it effects?”
“That's just it. If it is some sort of seidr, it's beyond my control. It's not
intentional. I'm just invisible to him, as you are in my presence. Think about
how many times you and I have played in the vault. I did it several times
before I brought Sif down there, and that's the only time I've been caught.
That was the first time I guessed there was something special about me. Then I
tested it. I would walk right up behind Heimdall while he was star-gazing and
stand there for ages. He had no idea I was there. Once I threw myself on his
back to scare him. You should have seen the look on his face...” Loki laughed,
then added with regret, “That was stupid, of course, because then he knew that
I knew. But I was young.”
Thor was momentarily speechless. Memories ran through his head, everything
corroborating Loki's amazing disclosure. Thor couldn't imagine how he could
have been blind to this before. “Do you think father knows this? Or mother?”
“Mother? No. Are you kidding? She thinks you and I are angels,” Loki paused to
give them both a chance to laugh, “but father – well, he must know. Heimdall
would be obliged to tell him.”
“And me?” Thor asked, “Why would this effect me?”
“I've asked myself that, and all I can come up with is the bond. It only works
on you, and only when you're near me. It's as if we're a single entity when
we're together...” Loki paused, giving thought to this reality, “Strange,
because father must know of this effect as well, and he still allows you to go
gallivanting about with me even though you're beyond the protection of
Heimdall's watch.”
“Well I'm sure he knows you're safe with me.” Thor said confidently.
“Yes, but isn't he worried if you're safe with me? That would be the real
question.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if something were to happen to us, if we were under attack or some such
unfortunate event, Heimdall wouldn't know about it unless we were separated.
And you, being the son and heir to the throne? It seems like an awfully big
risk to take. Not to mention unfair. I mean, shouldn't you be informed of the
risk?”
Thor quickly replied, “Well,why didn't you tell me about this?”
“Oh, well I plainly confess – I worried you would find my company unwelcome.
But, it's all out now.” Loki shrugged.
Thor was touched. “Loki, you know nothing can keep me from you...”
“Not even danger?”
Thor laughed, “No, especially not that. It only makes being with you more
exciting.” Thor gave him another squeeze. “Has father ever spoken to you about
this?”
“Of course not. Are you crazy?”
“Why is that crazy?”
“Can you see our father acknowledging a fault in his omnipotence? Never. What
would he do? Bring me before him and say, 'Son, I know I cannot stop you from
doing anything you wish, but please obey me anyway.' Odin has no faith in
trust. He only understands fear. And therefore, he fears anything that cannot
be made to fear him.”
“Are you trying to say -”
“Yes!” Loki cut him off, “Odin fears what I would do if he attempted to limit
my movements and depends completely on your watch, Thor. Maybe he believes that
I still think Odin's not aware of this exception of mine, or worries that any
action taken to remedy the situation might bring it to the attention of others.
Think of what the council would say if they knew that Odin was housing the
greatest potential threat to universal peace in his own palace? The only thing
that doesn't make sense to me is why he doesn't just have me destroyed...”
“Loki!”
“What? It's the only sensible thing to do. Then again, he'd have you and mother
to contend with, but if there was an accident...”
Thor reached forward and yanked the reigns from Loki's hands, pulling them and
bringing them to an abrupt stop. Then he shouted, “You won't speak like this
again, do you hear me?” He grabbed Loki's jaw and turned it sharply to the
side, “None of this is ever to be repeated, to anyone! Do I make myself clear?”
“Of course,” Loki said, tearing his face away from Thor's grip, “It was only a
joke, anyway.”
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
     Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow thorki fans!
     I can't tell you how grateful I am for this awesome community and
     especially all the readers who are supporting this story. Lots of
     Love!
     Also, to the myth experts - please let me now if their is any
     problems with my myth references! Thanks!
The two rode on in silence. Thor was relieved, of course, to know that last
night's indiscretion would remain his own lonely secret. But he felt angry that
Heimdall, and Odin, and Loki especially would keep such an important thing from
him and his mother. It opened his eyes to how much went on in his life that he
knew nothing about, and he wondered how much more there was for him to learn.
Was this just a small sample of the things that made his father seem so tired,
so beaten, like he was constantly carrying an impossibly heavy and invisible
weight? Thor had always judged his father to be unappreciative of his power,
and thought of a what a bright and fresh replacement he would make someday on
the throne of Asgard. But with worries like these, it was no wonder Thor could
only remember a handful of times he had ever seen his father smile, let alone
laugh.
When the day came that it would be Thor's duty to bear his father's glory as
well as his burdens, would Odin have revealed the truth about Loki to him? Odin
regularly described political issues to Thor, asking the boy what he would do
in such and such circumstances, and usually scolding him for his rash
assessments. Odin was careful, and secretive. It seemed he wished Thor to be
the same way. Why had he had not spoken to Thor about Loki unless he thought
Thor could not be trusted? He hoped that his father only feared that he and
Loki would get into more mischief, but it was too difficult to ignore Loki's
insinuations that Odin might have darker intentions. If Odin had spoken to Thor
of his suspicions of Loki, and then something happened to his brother, (gods
forbid) Thor would have turned on his father with vengeance. He would not think
twice, as Odin surely knew.
Thor blinked the chilling thoughts away. That was a dark world, he told
himself, one that didn't exist. This was another of Loki's childish games that
he was playing right into by even thinking of this rubbish. Perhaps Loki should
be considered a potential threat; anybody with his capability would. And
anybody could recognize Loki's spiteful and mischievous streak, as well as his
open resentment for Odin and his authority. But as long as Loki was devoted to
Thor and Thor was devoted to Odin, the Allfather could feel secure. His secrecy
was probably all to protect Heimdall, whose golden prestige would be smeared if
it were learned that the adolescent princes lived completely beyond his watch.
The trail narrowed as the mare carried the brothers deeper into the wood, her
flanks brushing the new spring saplings whose tips dared to grow into the path.
Thor's stomach grumbled, even as he entertained such serious thoughts. Suddenly
a gooseberry bush came into view, speckled with tiny crimson fruits.
Thor reached again, above Loki's hold, and halted the horse. “Let me pick us
some berries.”
He could hear an irked sigh from Loki but ignored it and dismounted. He un-
tucked his shirt, ready to collect them in it's slack.
“I'd be careful if I were you,” Loki warned from the saddle, keeping the mare
steady with some easy flicks of his wrist, “It's all laced with nettle, can't
you see? If you're not pierced by thorns as your digging around in there, that
plant will give you its own poison kiss. You're gambling, Thor.”
Loki's cautionary words sounded like a challenge to Thor. “I know how to pick
berries, brother,” he said with caustic staccato flares.
He walked eagerly forward, curling his fingers around a group of ripe fruits
and pulling them off. He turned to glare at Loki as he threw them into his
mouth. They were delicious. The earliest spring berries were always tart but
Thor loved the way they overwhelmed his sense of taste and stung his throat and
jaw. He turned back to the bush to find more, and realized that most were
hidden deep within. Loki was right; the nettle and the gooseberries were
tangled like lovers. But he was hungry, so he plunged his hand inside and
grasped another group of berries. The luck of a prince, he thought, as he began
extracting his unmolested hand. He noted a nettle leaf hanging above his wrist
and lowered his hand against a berry stem, then felt something rip his flesh as
he continued to pull out of the bush. He winced and rubbed his fingers against
the scratch.
“Having fun?” Loki laughed behind him.
This handful was meant to be for his brother, but after the mocking words Thor
threw them into his own mouth. The bitterness distracted him from the painful
cut. “It was only a thorn, you brat! I know what nettle looks like!”
Thor had to go for it again, or else Loki would tease him. He used his other
hand, reaching deep into a cavern in the bush to avoid the thick, thorny stems.
He felt a giant cluster of bulging, ripe fruits that he would give to his
brother to show him what a woodsman he was. He winked at Loki as he tried to
envelope the monstrous cluster in his hand, and then yanked down. His hand hit
something that sent a shock through his senses, and his fingers dropped their
bounty and flew out of the bush.
“Damn!” An infuriating itchiness had him scratching maniacally at the spot. He
barely had the clarity of mind to mourn his lost berries. He sucked air through
his teeth, and shook his hands in the air, cursing the bush.
Loki was ecstatic, his head thrown back in laughter. Thor saw him, and couldn't
relent. He must use this as an opportunity to learn how to deal with pain. How
could he be a great warrior if he was afraid of a little stinging nettle? He
would reach back in and grab those berries. Surely they were sitting pretty on
the nettle where he dropped them, waiting to be picked up.
When Loki saw Thor reaching back into the bush, he said “Thor, you don't have
to impress me. Just get back on the ho -”
“Shut up, Loki!” Thor spat, reaching his shaking arm back into the bush. This
time he was pricked all around by the thorns and nettle he hadn't the mind to
avoid. He grit his teeth and pressed further in until he was up to his armpits,
then felt around for the prize cluster.
“Thor -”
“Loki, you're trying my -”
“ - you realize you're standing in a patch of clover, don't you? There's a bee
feeding an arm's length from your feet.”
Thor was still for a moment. Fine. He would get his cluster and go. If only he
could find it.
“Thor? It seems disturbed,” Loki said warily, the humor gone from his voice.
“Just wait,” Thor said, feeling a torn stem that must be connected to his
berries. He reached even deeper into the bush, laying against it has he felt
nettle prickling his ear.
“Thor, it's flying towards you,” Loki said, and Thor could hear hooves moving
away from him, Loki obviously terrified of the little pest. He hooked a finger
beneath the stem and lifted, feeling the weight of those gorgeous berries. He
laughed as he pulled his hand out despite a few more tears from the thorns, and
lifted the berries into the air.
“Thor, run over here!” Loki was several yards away, holding his hand out and
beckoning Thor to mount. Just then he heard a buzzing in his ear.
“It's in your hair!”
Thor took off howling and ran towards the horse, lifting himself onto its back
with the help of Loki's hand. They galloped away, slowing only when they turned
a bend and felt safe from the terror of the bee. Thor held the berries in front
of Loki's face. “Have you seen anything in your life like that, brother? Here,
eat them.”
“Oh, no. I think you've earned them,” Loki answered, spying the red, welted,
and scratched wrists holding out the offering.
“No,” Thor said, hurt, “I got them for you.” He bounced them in his hand, and
Loki knew he had no choice if he didn't want to hurt Thor's feelings. He took
one hand off the reigns and grabbed them. They were sweet, bursting in his
mouth as the accompanying tartness pricked the hairs on his neck. He giggled.
“A triumph, Thor.”
Thor wrapped him lovingly in his arms for a second, and regretted having to
release the embrace to scratch his hands.
“Let me see,” Loki said, mouth full of berries but still noticing Thor
scratching. He took a hand from the reigns and plunged a particularly afflicted
finger into his mouth. It was warm, and Thor could feel the chewed pieces of
berries as he sucked. It was different than the night before, Loki was
deliberate, stronger. Thor's pain was eased, but his mind was aflame thinking
of that mouth.
===============================================================================
They reached the meadow Loki had been seeking to pick herbs. Everything he
required was found rather quickly, Thor watching vigilantly for any nettle or
clover during their search. Loki had brought a mortar and pestle along that he
was using to crush the ingredients for the love-bitten neck. Thor's hands and
arms were already coated with a tingling ointment for the nettle, and he waited
for further treatment as he threw stones into the stream they rested beside.
Loki finally came forward to paint a thick salve on his neck, Thor hissing as
the goop penetrated his skin. Loki whispered a few words as his thumbs circled
over the area slowly, then blew an icy breath that lit the burn even brighter.
“It's working?” Loki asked.
“Well, it's surely doing something,” Thor said, his eyes watering.
“That means it's working.” Loki said with confidence. They sat for a while,
Loki staring into the stream as Thor tensed his muscles and breathed through
the blinding sting, trying to remind himself that he was the one who allowed
this to happen.
“If you want a distraction,” Loki smiled wryly, “I can show you a new trick.
Close your eyes.”
“Will it hurt?” Thor asked, instantly realizing how pathetic he sounded.
“No, silly. Close your eyes. I'll tell you when to open them.”
Thor did as he was told, and after a few seconds heard Loki say, “All right.
You can look now.”
Thor jumped back when he saw what sat before his eyes. It was Loki, or it
seemed to be, but he was blue from head to foot. Loki laughed at Thor's
reaction as his brother scuttled closer, peering at him in disbelief. “Loki?”
“How's the burn now?”
Thor looked carefully over Loki's strange form. He was his normal shape and
size, his long black hair unchanged, his eyes, though a sinister red, seemed to
possess the same intelligence and character, and his skin, though blue as a
frost giant, looked smooth and unblemished. To be sure that this was not just a
shadow Loki had cast, Thor reached his hand forward to touch him, then
hesitated, remembering what the old warriors had said about the Jotun's deadly
freezing skin.
“I don't think it will harm you,” Loki said in response to Thor's suspended
hand, and then nodded his head toward the mare idly grazing behind them. “I've
pet Sinir like this before, and it had no effect on her. I thought she might
not recognize me, but it made no difference to her at all.”
Thor laid his hand on Loki's neck, laughing when he felt the blue skin, cool
but still the same soft texture he he had always known. He touched his
brother's face, and his dark lips which were still as soft as ever.
“Well – what do you think?” Loki asked, as if he was modeling some new robes.
“I think you're – beautiful,” Thor couldn't believe his words any more than
Loki, who laughed openly as his old enchantment drifted back over him.
“Was that your true form?” Thor asked, breathless. It was like seeing a woman
naked for the first time.
“I think so. I came upon it accidentally when I was experimenting with some
other disguises. When I tried to return to my normal self, I ended up like
this. It doesn't require any more concentration to remain in that form than
this, my usual glamor. The one father gave me.”
“Does he know you can overcome his magic?”
“What, do you think I would just saunter into the throne room like that?” Loki
smirked.
“No, of course not,” Thor said, brushing the back of his fingers against Loki's
cheek, “Will you let me see it again?”
Loki rolled his eyes and slowly waved a hand over his face, blue spreading over
his skin. Thor reached out to touch him again. “So this is the real you,” he
said dreamily, “it's funny, you don't look like a -”
“- a monster?” Loki finished his sentence with a raised eyebrow. “No, you're
right, a bit too small, don't you agree? And my features are decidedly
delicate, if I do say so myself.”
Thor's hands were back on Loki's face, tracing his jaw and straying over his
lips, “You're not like any Jotun I've ever seen, in the books, or down there –
in the dungeons. You really look almost -”
“Aesir?” Loki asked.
Thor lifted his fingers away from Loki's face, “Yes.”
“I think so too,” Loki shrugged, “perhaps I'm not just Jotun. After all, it
wouldn't be the first time the Aesir thought to use Jotunheim as a brothel...”
It took a moment for Thor to understand that he was referring to his
grandmother, the giantess Bestla and his grandfather Bor. But even when his
mind made the connection he couldn't believe his ears. Was Loki actually
capable of such an unprovoked and venomous attack? He looked at his brother,
whose color was slowly changing back to its pale glamor as he traced his finger
along in dirt and hummed to himself. Thor wrapped his hand around the narrow
wrist and squeezed until the humming stopped.
Softly he said, “Take that back, Loki.” It wasn't a warning as much as a plea.
He really was unable to believe that Loki would say something so awful, and was
begging his brother to erase it from reality.
“Why?” Loki asked with affected innocence, “Why should you be ashamed, when it
means your heritage and mine are so alike? Should I be thus ashamed?”
Thor whipped Loki's wrist toward his own chest with a strength that would have
pulled the arm out of its socket if Loki wasn't quick enough to flex. The yank
still wiped the grin off Loki's face and brought him flying into Thor, “To
correct your misunderstanding, brother,” Thor said, “Bestla was ,not of
Jotunheim, but a primordial giantess, noble, pure as ice itself, and quite
unlike the degenerate, upstart creatures you spawned from!”
Loki allowed Thor to finish his insult before striking him across the face with
his open palm and all his strength behind it. The first thing Thor was aware of
was the warmth it left in his cheek and the ringing in his ear. Then came the
maddening throb. Loki had already broken from Thor's grip and was dashing
towards the stream.
Thor grabbed him and spun him around, taking his jaw and the back of his head
in his hands. “I have had enough of your casual beatings and slandering, Loki,
which you deal out to me as carelessly as if I were your dog!” He shook his
brother's face in his like a rag doll as he screamed, “You abuse me lovelessly
when I should be your master! I will tolerate no more!” He struck the boy with
the hand he took from behind his head, holding his jaw just long enough to give
himself an easy aim. Loki fell back onto the rocky banks of the stream, and
when he looked back up at Thor, blood was trickling from his nostril.
Thor's heart was pierced; he had never harmed his brother like that before.
Guilt stunned him, and when Loki flew at Thor, pushing him down and pounding
his anger into his face, Thor was gasping for air before he became conscious
enough to act. He lunged upwards and threw Loki onto his back, straddled him,
and pushed his neck down into the rushing water. After a few coughs from Loki
he lifted his face and slapped him. His head fell back into the stream. Thor
lifted his face to hit him again several times until he felt the body relax.
Thor stood over his brother, shivering and ankle deep in the bitterly cold
water. Both brothers were fully soaked. Thor sat on the bank and began peeling
off his clothes, teeth chattering uncontrollably. Loki sat up and wiped his
wrist across his lip, glaring at Thor when he saw the red stain on his sleeve.
Then he stumbled to his feet with a groan, and walked into the stream, diving
and disappearing beneath the surface.
Thor stared into the rushing water wide-eyed for several moments. “Loki!?
Loki!” Only the sound of rushing water answered him.
Thor dashed into the stream, panicking. He dove beneath the surface, but could
see nothing in the turbulent water. The cold pricked his skin, his fingers and
toes were already going numb. He screamed his brother's name again and again,
crying, feeling his strength draining from his body. The bank seemed miles
away, and though he knew he should try to reach it, he felt too weak and
refused to leave the stream without his brother. He kept calling for him,
wailing, feeling the warmth of his tears on his shivering face. He wrapped his
arms around himself as if he could hold his trembling body still, and ducked
into the water as if it would protect him from the chilling breeze. It was now
getting hard to breathe. Thor no longer had the strength to weep or holler, or
even walk out of the water.
There was a splash behind him, then the sound of someone drawing a great
breath. “You fool!” Loki gasped, “You'll freeze to death!” Loki lifted Thor in
his arms roughly and carried him out of the stream, stumbling under the weight
of his much larger older brother, and dropped him under the tree Sinir was tied
to. He tore the saddle blanket off the horse and wrapped it around Thor. “This
stream is fed from the River Iving flowing straight from Jotunheim! Just
because Odin's magic keeps it from freezing doesn't mean it isn't as cold and
fatal as the Elivager of Niffleheim! And here you are, a child of the sun, just
bathing in it!?” Loki chided him as he dried Thor off with the rough blanket.
“I called for you! Where were you?!” Thor whined through uncontrollably
chattering teeth.
Loki lifted a small talisman hanging from a chain on his neck. “It's my fetish
stone,” Loki explained, pointing to a small fall upstream from them, “I keep it
hidden under the rocks there, to soak in the magic Odin has enchanted the river
with.” Loki smirked, “I think it's working, and I hope I'll be there to see the
look on his face the day Odin finds out the river has finally frozen over.”
Loki laughed as he stripped out of his clothing and then got under under the
blanket with Thor. “Now come here,” he said, and wrapped his arms and legs
tightly around Thor. “Kiss me. Give me something to get going quickly before
you're nothing but a corpse.” Loki chuckled as Thor immediately began covering
his mouth with greedy, sloppy kisses. He wrapped his arms around Loki and began
stroking him, eager for the warmth of his purr. It didn't take long. Loki's
chest began to rumble as he allowed Thor to continue kissing him passionately,
his mouth trailing down up and down Loki's neck and nibbling at the sensitive
skin. He closed his eyes at the pleasure, feeling the rapture washing over him.
No, he thought, I have to take care of Thor. “Stop!” he gasped, “That's
enough!” Thor obeyed, tucking his head into Loki's neck and pressing himself as
close as possible, soaking in the heat pouring at of his brother until it
thawed his bones completely.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Thor rode home with his body pressed as tightly against his brother's warmth as
possible. He and Loki slipped into the barn silently to avoid being seen and
led Sinir to her stall. They hoped to make it to their beds without being
detected, wanting to put off punishment until morning. A voice in the dark
dashed these hopes.
“Lords,” the barn attendant said, “I regret to inform you that the queen has
demanded that I report to her as soon as I see your persons. I must follow
these orders now.”
“Yes, do as you must.” Loki replied regretfully, sighing. “So much for that,”
Loki grumbled as he finished putting his mare up for the night, no longer
caring about the noise he made.
They were met by their mother after they had taken only a few steps into the
palace.
“Sons! Come here!”
They walked tentatively towards their mother, Loki dragging his brother in
hand. They stepped under a lamp, and Loki was glad he had thought to remove
their bruises and the dampness of their clothes with seidr before returning
home as he saw her searching their faces. Her features were angry, but as she
realized that her sons had returned to her unharmed, happy relief broke out in
her face and she took them both into her arms gratefully, kissing their heads
and praising the gods that had sent them back to her.
“You have no idea what kind of fear I have experienced this day.” She said,
tearing herself away from them and trying to remember her anger, “Heimdall
informed me that the two of you had been together since early this morning, and
that your location had been hidden from him with the use of sorcery.” She shut
her eyes, as if the words pained her too much to go on. “This means that when I
came to your rooms this morning, I was being deceived, that my two sons both
stood before me, one hiding himself from me with the help of the other, and the
letter I received was a complete lie. And to think,” she turned to Loki, “that
it was I who encouraged you to hone your skills and supported your learning
magic when others thought it dangerous. You have made me look like a fool, and
as a mother who has given you the tools to betray me, I find it difficult to
forgive myself. “And you,” she turned to Thor, “are meant to be the one to
guide your younger brother, to teach him the ways of right and wrong. You have
done your family a great disservice today.”
Frigga turned away from them, facing the entrance to the throne room as she
remembered more of the day's events.
“If it weren't for the faith your father has in his sons' sense of self-
preservation, a search party would have been called to find you two. It was
with much effort that he convinced me to forget the idea.”
Thor and Loki both groaned.
“Yes,” she turned back to them, “your father knows of your disobedience, and
has requested an audience with you both first thing tomorrow morning. Since it
will be very sad for you to hear, I will tell you what he has decided, so that
you may prepare yourselves to hear it from the king.” She dropped her eyes and
frowned, “There will be changes in the amount of time you two will be permitted
to spend in each others company. The king fears that your relationship has
become too exclusive and hermetic. He would see you grow into more independent
men, with interests and alliances of your own, each of you. For many years I
have fought him on this point, but today I saw that I have been wrong. You both
lead each other into trouble, and you care little for anyone but each other.
From now on, you will be forbidden to spend your free time isolated together.
You must find other friends, and other pastimes. Both of you. I can't tell you
how much it breaks my heart to tell you this.”
She sighed and relaxed her tense stance, wishing to shrug off the anxiety and
bitter disappointment of the day. “Should I even bother to ask where you've
been, or will I receive only lies? Why would you hide yourself from Heimdall?”
Thor cringed at the lies he knew Heimdall and Odin had told his mother. He
wanted to defend Loki and speak the truth, but he knew it was not his place. He
waited for his brother to speak.
“We were exploring the banks of the River Iving, and since it is forbidden to
wander that close to Jotunheim, I concealed our persons. It was stupid of me.”
Loki said.
“Yes it was. Very.” Frigga's face was momentarily filled with anger again, then
returned to its tired sadness. “What's done is done. Now take yourselves to the
baths and then promptly to bed. Food will be waiting in your chamber when
you're finished.”
 
“This is all my fault. Everything.” Thor moaned, sinking into the steaming
water.
Loki sat near him, scowling as his gazed into the soapy water. “Shut up,” he
said, not allowing Thor to heap the guilt on himself in his typical, annoyingly
chivalrous way.
“It's true, though. We were late because you had to save me from freezing to
death, and the only reason we were out there at all was because of the marks on
my neck. None of this would have happened if I hadn't been so stupid last
night. I'm such an idiot.”
“Yes, you are!” Loki said, “but that's not going to change so why sit here and
whine about it?”
Thor shot a wounded glare back at Loki.
“What? Don't look at me like that. You may not see it but my face still smarts
where you struck me repeatedly with your fists.”
“I'm sorry about that, too.”
“Yes. You're sorry about everything.”
Thor watched as Loki rose out of the water and stepped to his towel. As he
wrapped it around his hips, he turned to see Thor ogling him.
“Well, are you going to mope in the bath all night? Or don't you want to come
upstairs and enjoy what might be our last night together?”
 
They both ate hungrily in their room, wondering with heavy hearts what exactly
their father meant to lay on them the next day. Thor worried that he would
scold and embarrass them in front of members of the court but Loki smirked at
that, telling him it wouldn't matter since their closeness was already a
favorite subject of gossip anyway.
“That's not true,” Thor said, “no one would dare to speak ill of Odin's sons,
and if they did, they would be sure for it not to reach the ears of one of us.”
Thor then considered what he had learned of Loki's powers that day as he heard
his brother giggling.
“You can't read the thought of others, can you?” Thor asked.
“Sometimes,” Loki said, “If their minds are weak and I concentrate really hard.
And I can tell you, not many have a very high opinion of me.”
Thor was flabbergasted, then angry. “Who are these people and what do they say?
I should teach them some respect...”
Loki laughed, “And what will you do, Thor? Bashing their skulls for thoughts
I've stolen from their minds won't raise me in their esteem, I assure you.”
Thor relaxed after hearing Loki's wisdom, then another wonder took hold of him.
“You can't read my thoughts, can you?”
“Are you kidding?” Loki chuckled, “Your skull's more dense than the head of
Mjolnir. Nothing could penetrate it, not even good sense. Besides, I don't even
want to know what filthy things roam around in there.”
Loki's jibe brought another fear to Thor's mind. “Mjolnir! I'm supposed to
receive its blessing at the end of this summer! What if Father refuses to give
it to me after today?”
Loki, who had been chewing an apple, suddenly froze. He knew how much this
upcoming event meant to Thor, and how crushed he would be if it didn't happen.
“He won't do that,” Loki whispered, though worry was evident in his voice. “The
ceremony is already announced to the whole realm, and canceling it would be an
embarrassment. If anything, he'll probably take all his fury out on -” Loki bit
his tongue, realizing he had already caused enough trouble that day from
badmouthing their father.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Loki said, “It's just, like I said in the baths, I can't help
worrying that he will force us to take separate chambers.”
“No,” Thor said in a horrified voice, “he knows how important that is for you.
That would be too cruel.”
“And Odin isn't cruel?” Loki asked, then cursed himself for being unable to
bite his tongue again.
 
Thor turned out the light and crawled into bed. He was reluctant to reach for
his brother after everything that happened that day, but Loki threw himself
into his arms immediately. He squeezed him, never so thankful in his life. Loki
squirmed as Thor began caressing him, and after a few breaths he began a
gravelly purr. Thor was so delighted by it that he kissed his brother hard on
the cheek. The purring cut out instantly.
“That hurts! My face is still thrashed from you! Why can't you remember that?”
Loki snapped.
Thor whimpered a pathetic apology and laid his head on Loki's chest. His mind
replayed the moment when he had his brother lying in the stream, and again he
saw his fists pounding Loki's delicate face. It felt like another person. He
replayed the memory once more, satisfying himself this time by pretending it
was own face being pounded instead.
“Loki!” he said, sitting up.
“What?”
“I want you to hit me back. With your fist, as hard as you can.”
“What?”
“Hit me!”
“No!”
“Please! It will make me feel better. I can't stand what I did to you. I want
you to hit me back.”
“I've already hit you! There's been plenty enough hitting today.”
“Loki, please -”
“Stop! You're being ridiculous.”
Thor gave up, and laid his head back on Loki's chest. “I'm so sorry for what I
did. If I could take back one thing in my life it would be that!”
“I know,” Loki said, sighing, “I forgive you. If you want to make it up to me,
just forget about it.”
Thor felt the urge to weep, and for the first time in many years, decided to
encourage it rather than choke it back. He started sobbing, shamelessly making
a show of himself.
Loki couldn't help chuckling softly. “Stop it. It's not that horrible.”
“Yes it is,” Thor blubbered, “I love you more than anything and I loathe myself
for what I did!”
Loki wrapped an arm around Thor's face and pressed him close, then began
combing his fingers through Thor's hair to soothe him. Thor hugged him back,
drying his eyes against Loki's nightshirt as he calmed himself, satisfied that
he had expressed his sorrow. He languished in the calm of his exorcised
emotions as Loki stroked him in a strange reversal of their typical affections.
Thor held his breath as he heard was the tiniest purr coming from his brother's
chest. It was bewildering because he was not stroking Loki, or doing any of the
things he usually liked. He was just laying there on Loki's chest, being the
recipient of the love that he usually gave to his brother, but it seemed to
please Loki just as much.
Thor laid still to see if the purring would grow stronger. It did. Loki was
still smoothing his hands over Thor's body and playing with his hair as if he
didn't realize what was happening. After a few more moments, when Loki had
somehow finally worked himself to a full purr, Thor lifted his face to look at
him.
“Loki?” he whispered.
His response was a kiss. Loki pulled Thor toward him and kissed him fully on
the lips. He moaned softly as he opened his mouth and kissed Thor again, giving
him his tongue and the sweet wetness of his mouth.
Thor pulled away with effort to look into his brother's eyes. He wasn't there;
he lost in his own passion. Without thinking, Thor mounted Loki, carefully
placing one knee between his legs that Loki immediately grasped between his
thighs. Thor smoothed the long black hair that lay messily around Loki's face
so his elbows wouldn't yank it as he got ready to take Loki like he wanted him.
Then he laid his body fully against him, feeling the warm vibrations beneath
him as his brother's arms reached around and pulled him close for more kissing.
They were noisy and messy, both of them struggling to breathe as they eagerly
kissed each other and fought to have their own way with each others tongue and
mouth. Thor eventually gave in as he become more focused on grinding into
Loki's hot, vibrating body. They began moving in rhythm, Thor urging his cock
to rub against Loki's to feel whether it was hard. Then he slipped his hand
between them to reach for his own aching cock but got distracted when he felt
Loki. He stroked him through the fabric of his pants, and Loki gasped into his
mouth immediately.
He was so hard, harder than Thor had ever felt himself before. It must be
agonizing, Thor thought, as his brother shook beneath him with every pass his
hand made up and down his length. Thor could only imagine how awful the teasing
must be to him, but he couldn’t stop himself. He reached lower to feel his
balls, cupping them and noticing how tight they were. Everything felt like it
was ready to burst.
Thor wanted to make it happen. He knew it was the right thing to do, even if
Loki didn't think so. He couldn’t just leave his little brother this way.
He reached inside the waist of his Loki's pants, his heart thumping, and took
him in his hand. Loki moaned loudly, desperately.
Thor softly shushed his brother, then listened for a moment to make sure they
wouldn't be checked on, gripping his brother's stiff length and realizing that,
as he suspected, the purr could be felt all through it.
He wanted to play with his brother some more, to see if he could work him and
make him burst just the same as Thor was able to do to himself, but was too
worried about the noise Loki might make. He jumped out of bed and tip-toed to
the door, locking it to make sure they wouldn't be interrupted.
As he got back into bed, he saw his brother's glistening eyes full of something
Thor couldn't quite put his finger on – was it fear, need, or confusion? He
pulled Loki's pants off, wanting to be gentle though he could barely control
his own excitement. He tried to determine if he was doing this for Loki's good
or simply because he wanted to, in which case it was wrong. Very, very wrong.
It was hard to decide, and all he could really concentrate on was the sound of
his brother's uneven purring.
Loki was now naked below the waist, and Thor had spread his legs and sat
himself between them so that Loki was splayed in front of him. His raging
erection pointed straight out and looked as worrying and undeniable as an open
wound. He caressed his brother's stomach sweetly as he watched the swollen
thing flopping around, helpless and in need of attention. He wanted to touch it
so badly, to pull it and stroke it, to feel it thrumming in his hand, and
finally to make it explode.
Then he made his decision.
“Just relax,” Thor whispered, his voice cracking from the heavy breathing that
had built up a layer of phlegm in the back of his throat, “I'm going to make it
better for you, I promise. This will all be over soon.”
He knew Loki couldn't really understand him, but it made him feel better to say
it. Then he bent over and pecked his brother lightly beside his navel as he
took Loki's erection in his hand, kissing goodbye another veil of innocence
between them.
The skin of Loki's cock was soft and smooth, almost like velvet. He squeezed up
and down the shaft, exploring him. Comparing it to his own cock, he wondered at
how different it was and yet how similar. There were all the same parts – the
scrotum with their balls in them, the long, veiny shaft, and the tip with its
tiny hole already slippery with precome – but they were all slightly different.
He imagined what it was like for Loki, who had known this cock his whole life,
who probably felt like Thor did, that his was the only normal cock in the
universe and every other one was somehow strange. What was equally amazing,
though, was that some of the same little things that felt good when he touched
himself seemed to be good for Loki, too. As he stroked him, he imagined that he
was touching himself, but that he was somehow also Loki, that their cocks were
the same and every time Loki gasped or moaned, Thor felt it inside more
strongly than anything he had ever felt before when he touched himself.
He wanted to do it harder and faster. Remembering the previous night, he again
dipped his fingers into Loki's mouth to catch some of the slippery liquid that
had felt so good on himself. With his hands full of it, he placed a gentle
thank-you-kiss on Loki's lips before coating his cock with it. Loki looked
down, watching Thor as he got him ready. His eyes weren't empty, but they were
lost, like an infant searching the alien world around him for meaning. He
looked exactly like he had looked when Thor held him as a baby.
“It's me, Loki. I'm right here, you know you can trust me,” Thor said, “I would
never let anything bad happen to you, I love you so much. I love you more than
anything in my whole life. Please, please come for me...”
Thor began pumping his brother slowly and gently, feeling his legs tighten
around his waist and his hips move with the rhythm of his hand. He kept it
steady, focusing on the jerks and tremors he felt throughout Loki's body and
the interruptions in his rolling purr as he was overwhelmed by Thor's work.
Loki was coming apart, and Thor had to assure him that everything was all
right.
“I just want you to be happy, I know this is what you need. Please don't be
scared, I'm right here with you. It's all right, just let it go, let it all go
and you'll feel so much better. Please, I need to make you feel good, I need to
make it good for you, just trust me...”
Thor let his hand alternate rhythms, going faster for a few a strokes and then
squeezing harder and slowing down, just as he liked to do as he came close to
the edge. Every time he changed the tempo, he heard Loki choking on his own
cries, losing control of himself as the pleasure came in unexpected waves.
“Yes,” Thor said, “you're doing so good, Loki. I know you can do it for me.
Come on, be good and come for me...”
Thor kept mumbling incoherently as he felt every muscle in his brother's body
tensed and his face twisted into a horrifying grimace. He cried out and Thor
felt something hot and wet hit his face. He was surprised momentarily until he
realized what was happening. He could smell it, too, acrid and sour, and it
kept coming, hitting Thor on the cheek and lips. Loki howled again and sat up,
almost convulsing in his orgasm. He grabbed Thor roughly by the head of the
hair and pushed him into his lap, scratching his back savagely with his other
hand. Thor was scared, worried that something had gone wrong and he had maybe
hurt his brother as his continued cries echoed loudly in the chamber. He opened
his mouth to catch the rest of the semen as if erasing the evidence might
lessen the wrong committed. It kept coming, unbelievable amounts, and Thor
still squeezed on Loki's cock, now because he thought it might stop the flood
that was filling his mouth.
When it was over, Loki's shaking body flopped backwards on the bed. He was
shuddering but the purr was silenced and all that could be heard was his
slowing breath. Thor swallowed the thickening spunk in his mouth and thought
about how different it tasted from his own. It was thicker, stronger. He still
couldn't move, though Loki was already rolling onto his side, exhausted and
spent.
Thor had only a moment to enjoy his success. Soon there were footsteps in the
hall and a knock on the door. Terror.
Thor threw the blanket over Loki's nakedness and ran to the door before anyone
would find that it was locked. He unlocked it and opened it fast enough that
they wouldn't hear the bolt, and was relieved that it was the night watchmen in
the hall instead of one of his parents.
“Is everything well? I heard a scream...”
“Yes,” Thor said, “thank you for responding. It was only my brother, having a
nightmare. I've already calmed him, and he's back asleep.”
The guard poked his head in to see Loki's sleeping body, then bowed and left,
satisfied.
That had been close. He threw back the covers on the bed and searched for his
brother's pants. For a moment he panicked, unable to locate them until he found
them tangled in the sheets. Before he replaced them he gently cleaned Loki
using his own shirt and water from the pitcher they kept in their chamber. It
hurt him to realize that no matter how happy the experience was for him, Loki
would be livid if he found out. It was hard to see if anything else was soiled
in the darkness, but he would have to take his chances. He laid back down in
bed and gathered Loki in his arms. His brother snuggled up to him as naturally
as it should be, for they hadn't slept a night apart since he had been in his
crib.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Thor had tangled dreams. They clung and scraped at each other, his purest
ideals batted about by his darkest cravings.
He was awakened by the intense need to sneeze.
Loki was teasing his lips and nostrils with wisps of hair, laughing as he he
saw his brother's eyes adjust to the bright light of another Asgardian morning.
“Ah, there he is! Arise, my blue-eyed, golden prince. Father is already seated
on his throne and eager to commence our scolding. Chop-chop!” Loki clapped and
jumped from the bed to twirl and dance around the room in a joyful way which
was most uncharacteristic for him at this, or really any hour of the day.
Thor rubbed his eyes as he watched what he thought must be a hallucination of
his brother, and when Loki saw the bewilderment he was causing Thor he laughed
and said, “Yes, brother! I feel as fresh and as vibrant as a debutante at her
coming-out ball! I slept wondrously last night. Ill behavior must suit me very
well. And to think,” Loki went on after he threw himself heavily on the bed,
causing Thor to bounce, “that I should feel this fine after night-terrors. The
guard said he had heard me screaming last night, and had spoken to you when he
responded to the cries. Is it true?”
“Yes, Thor said, his eyes darting away, “I was quite terrified for you.”
“Funny. I don't remember anything but warmth and emptiness.” Loki rolled onto
his side and gave Thor a mischievous grin, “Maybe it was a succubus that came
to visit me last night, and the cries were me begging her not to leave as she
tore herself from my arms.” Loki giggled as he dramatically tossed himself on
top of Thor, then gasped, “Or...” he said, using his gravelly tone, “maybe it
was an incubus! Do you think I could be so devious as to let a demon make me
ergi ? And you, by my side the whole time? Thor, how could you!” He laughed
loudly as Thor threw him off, uncomfortable with the truth hiding in Loki's
jokes.
“That's enough!” He shouted, jumping out of bed and carelessly pulling his
clothes over his head. “You know I hate that word. I don't understand what's
got into you this morning, but you need to correct your manner before we face
Father. I won't have extra punishments laid on me because you feel like being
silly!”
 
Odin was content to glare at his sons for several moments as they stood before
him without saying anything. Was he overwhelmed with anger, or just considering
his lies before he passed down undeserved punishments? Thor was desperate to
glance over at his brother, to see that he wasn't smirking and to guess what he
was thinking, but he didn't dare to take his eyes off of his father, or give
the least sign that he was thinking of anything but remorse.
“There isn't much I can express to you that your mother hasn't already,” Odin
finally began. “You know the wrong you've done. I have been blessed with two
sons who love each other dearly, and would undoubtedly go to the ends of
creation for one another. Unfortunately, over the past seven hundred years, I
have watched them build a private fantasy world in which there are only two
citizens. In this imagined world, there seems to be no honor, no
responsibilities, and no one for them to give a damn about except one another!”
Odin paused to give either of his sons a chance to protest, but they both
wisely remained silent.
“Your days of play are over! Manhood beckons you both, and I will see that you
answer her call with clear minds and dutiful hearts. This means you will now
fill your days learning to become warriors, diplomats and leaders worthy of
this – very real - realm. You will train separately, since you've already
demonstrated that you can't even sit through arithmetic lessons in each other's
presence without causing disorder.”
Loki finally could not resist the urge to laugh. He stifled it, but received
his father's wrath anyway.
“Silence!” Odin threw an angry finger in the offending son's direction, causing
Loki to flinch. “This is no jest. Your lives as you knew them have come to an
abrupt end! You will learn to adjust to your new lives as noble princes, or you
will be cast out from my home!”
They were led away from the throne room separately to begin their day. Loki,
regardless of his distaste for it, would be put through combat training the
same as Thor, which probably meant that Thor would also have to sit through
scholarly lessons without the assistance of his brother. But at least he would
start the day by enjoying the company of his friends, he thought, until he
realized he was to work alone with a rather merciless and critical instructor
who spent most the lesson recounting his own past triumphs when he fought
beside Odin and comparing Thor's techniques to his father's. As the man droned
on Thor began to hear shouts and laughter in the distance where his friends
were sparring. A voice never before heard on the training grounds was shouting
triumphantly above the others. It was Loki. Thor wished he could join the
rabble and watch his brother spar instead of being stuck listening to an old
man's war stories, but above his head, perched on a high balcony, was his
father, watching everyone.
It wouldn't be long before he saw his brother, though. Thor performed a few
more exercises with the old warrior and they were interrupted by two frowning
tutors that had Loki between them, smiling and obviously pleased with himself.
He bowed to Thor and wore the most dangerous grin on his face when he stood
again, flipping his long hair behind him playfully.
“This young man seems to feel he is beyond the rules of these grounds,” one of
the tutors said. “I thought it wise to bring him to train with someone who can
demonstrate the petty value of magic against a true warrior.”
Loki was pushed forward by the speaker and almost fell into the dirt. He
regained his balance and smiled politely at the old man, then turned to Thor,
“I hope you'll forgive me for what I've done to your playmates. Seems I just
don't know my own strength,” he said with a pretended naivete.
“Bind yourself,” the old instructor said, throwing two golden bracelets at him.
Loki laughed at the shimmering rings in his hand. “Do you actually think these
can -” he stopped himself, and looked around nervously before grinding his jaw
and clasping them to his wrist.
Thor tried to hide his excitement. He knew the bracelets were probably useless
on Loki and couldn't wait to see him use some trick to land the bitter old
soldier on his behind. To his disappointment, however, a palace servant
appeared beside him and cleared his throat.
“Prince Thor,” he whispered close to Thor's ear, “your presence is requested in
the palace. Come with me.”
Thor groaned and turned to follow, but heard his brother's voice behind him.
“It's Father,” Loki said, glancing up at the balcony where the man stood. “He
has more to say about our little foray that he doesn't want me to hear.”
The servant spun around to and stared at Loki in disbelief, “That - the matter
is private!”
“Of course,” Loki said, winking at Thor.
They passed the healing room where he saw Sif, Fandral, and Hogun waiting at
the entrance. Fandral was limping, supporting himself against Hogun who seemed
to be in barely better condition with a split lip and a swollen eye. Sif as
well was decorated in cuts and scrapes which graced her arms, bare legs and
even her forehead. She glared at Thor as he walked by her, daring him to speak.
“Well, well,” Thor began, meeting her challenge, “I see we must have some
mighty warrior visiting us, perhaps a storm giant or even an entire army of
them, for I can see no other reason why Asgard's greatest young soldiers should
be so badly injured from a routine sparring exercise...”
“- Hold your tongue!” she shot back. “That trickster brother of yours will
learn honorable fighting techniques if I have to teach them to him with a sharp
blade! Volstagg may be indisposed on the healing bed for the entire day!”
Thor heard the familiar groan of his old friend within and allowed himself one
last chuckle before straightening his face for the Allfather.
Odin was alone watching the training yard. Below, Loki was practicing with the
old tutor, moving with a careless swagger as he lazily used his weapon against
the old man and caused him to stumble and pant. Thor grinned with pride but
noticed that his father's face only expressed sadness and worry.
“That an untrained boy could make so much work for a veteran warrior says
something about one of the two,” Thor observed merrily.
Odin's eyes flashed at Thor. “I see nothing but a foolish child without a
modicum of respect or desire for anything but vexing those who wish to teach
him. He is a cheat, and he flaunts an advantage that inspires distrust -
rightly so. Is this how you think a prince should behave?”
“No, father,” Thor dropped his eyes, “of course not.”
“I wish I could believe that you were being truthful, but in my heart I know
that you admire him. You cannot fathom the fear that it causes me when I think
of your future!” Odin turned away from the scene below in disgust as Loki
giggled and offered to help the old tutor to the healing room where the rest of
his vanquished combatants were gathered.
“You must learn to be a master to him!” Odin said, “It is right that you love
him but he is your subject, not your equal. You cannot allow him to influence
you, because if he knows that he has that power he will use it! You see his
penchant for madness and disorder and I cannot allow such forces to influence
the mind of my successor!”
Thor felt a flare in his chest and his eyes rose to Odin's face for only a
second before he returned them to the stone floor of the balcony. He was
breathing heavily through his nostrils, trying to contain his anger. The word
'master' reminded him of the fight he wanted so badly to forget. He regretted
insisting that he was Loki's master and now his father was telling him that
such an attitude was right. But Odin had also once taught him that to be king
was a duty and a burden, not a privilege to believe yourself above others. So
which was it?
The insinuation that Loki would ever do anything to harm Thor or their family
was what hurt the most, though. How could running away for a day to the wood
possibly lead his father to think Loki was capable of treason?
Thor bit his cheek to keep himself from saying something that would make the
situation worse.
“Thor, to be a king of the people you must be a man of them as well. You must
engage them, become a part of them. Your brother cannot be your only companion.
It is...” Odin visibly cringed and whispered, “unnatural.”
Thor's face burned with embarrassment. He looked up to see his father turned
away from him.
“I only have your best interests in mind,” Odin said, and then bowed before
leaving Thor on the balcony.
 
The rest of the day Thor had spent indoors, immersed in, or more accurately,
harassed with, academic study. Symbols and equations flew through his mind,
never landing with any discernible meaning. He had no idea how Loki could excel
in these studies and be so victorious in the sparring ring. How did his father
expect him to be the master of a younger brother who was so obviously superior
to him?
Soaking his muscles in the hot bath that evening, it was his aching head that
he most wished to soothe. He wished he could breathe underwater and turn
himself upside down in the steaming pool.
Loki's bare feet appeared at the edge of the bath. Thor smiled up at him,
remembering his performance on the training grounds as well as the sound of his
moans from the night before. He edged the rim of the pool, glancing
suspiciously at Thor as if he knew what was on his mind. Finally he stepped in,
keeping his towel over his groin until he was ready to drop quickly into the
water.
Thor chuckled, “Your modesty still astounds me, Loki.”
“And your fascination with it astounds me.”
Thor watched as Loki adjusted himself comfortably and began using his finger to
draw little swells out of the water, tiny ripples that he liked to mesmerize
himself and Thor with during bath time. It was an old trick, one he had learned
as a child but now was able to create complex, intricate designs that could
almost be called an art.
“And how has your day been, brother, since last I saw you?” asked Thor.
“Rather productive, I must say,” Loki answered, still focusing on his ripples.
“I managed to get myself banished from the training grounds for a period of ten
years, which is actually more than I was hoping for, and then both my
arithmetic and my history instructors resigned their posts in less than an hour
after my lessons began. That's a record, even better than when you and I were
working together. Tomorrow I am restricted to my chamber, and the day
following, I will be introduced to my new language instructor, who, Father
informed me, will be supplied with a whip. I have no doubt we two shall have a
lot of fun together.”
Thor already had occasion to learn about the turmoil caused by Loki's
misbehavior. Their father was beside himself with frustration, but here Loki
sat, as cool and easy as Thor had ever seen him. All the anger and nervous
worry that often cast a cloud over him was gone - Loki seemed content, his brow
smooth and his eyes glowing with energy and intelligence. Odin was right; it
was in his nature to make trouble, but it was nothing that ever came to any
dire consequence. He was only fighting to have control over his own occupation
and development – not starting a war or defiling their family's name. And it
was refreshing to those around him - every servant in the palace was flush with
laughter from retelling Loki's wild antics that day. In a way, he seemed to do
some good.
Thor remembered how he had begged Loki to control himself that morning, and he
had, but only when they first stepped foot in front of Odin. Had Loki only held
himself back for Thor? And what had put him in such a lively mood that day?
The grimace his brother's unconscious face wore during his almost terrifying
orgasm suddenly appeared in Thor's mind. It was a revelation - Thor had
relieved him. Cured him, even. Loki was himself now, full of his own
unrestrained life. And it was Thor's doing. He had given him that ability to
breathe freely.
Thor felt a pang of jealousy. Why should he have to sit back and be the good,
obedient son while Loki had all the fun? He wanted to cause a little trouble of
his own.
Loki was still working his magic on the opposite side of the pool, silent and
peaceful, keeping to himself. Thor had had enough of that. He dipped deep into
the water and pushed to Loki's end, rising up and seating himself beside him.
“So you think yourself a warrior, now, do you,” Thor teased, “after you've
taken down every one of my friends and teachers... with magic -”
“- With earned skill,” Loki corrected.
“- but you still haven't taken me down. Do you think you can?”
“Oh, Thor. I wouldn't try. Your pride is too dear to me.”
“But what if I challenged you?”
“Then I pray you would do it when no one is around, for your sake.”
“Well, there is no one about right now, so this is a prime opportunity.”
The ripples finally fell flat, and Loki turned to his brother with a face full
of bored curiosity. Only Loki could express such an impossible condition.
“I challenge you, now, to a sword fight,” Thor proclaimed.
Loki blinked a few times, as if he was dutifully trying to muster energy for a
trial he was still not understanding or caring about. “At the risk of sounding
like a simpleton,” he said, “I ask you - what swords do you mean for us to
fight with?”
Thor was palming his cock beneath the clear water and making no effort to hide
his lewd activity. He rubbed his lips together, trying not to lose the audacity
he would need to keep this going. He wanted to make his brother come again,
this time with eyes wide and seeing, conscious of of the dam that had to be
broken for him to really be himself. He couldn't understand why Loki respected
no rules except the ones surrounding the ergi taboo – especially when he had
hated it so much as a child.
Loki eyes slowly lowered until they saw Thor's hands beneath the water, “Hmm,”
Loki said, still playing at a bored attitude though he pushed an arm's length
away from Thor.
Thor closed the distance immediately and wrapped an arm around Loki's shoulders
to keep him from escaping again.
“I want to show you a game,” he breathed heavily into Loki's ear. “You like
games, don't you? I know you do. And you like to make sure you always win. But
you can't cheat your way out of this one. I have the advantage...”
Loki eyes darted back and forth as he listened, staring at the opposite end of
the pool. Thor held on to him tighter, knowing he would soon make another
attempt to flee.
“...I know how it makes you feel, to be this close to me,” Thor continued, “I
know it bothers you. But rather than be a coward about it -”
Loki's eyes turned directly on Thor, angry.
“- you could try to show me how well you can contain yourself.”
“You're sick,” Loki hissed. “You must be. I don't know what kind of perversion
you're planning but challenging my bravery isn't going to -”
Thor rose slightly and placed one knee on the other side of Loki's thigh,
caging him between his legs and pinning down his shoulder with one hand. His
other hand was still occupied beneath the water.
Loki glanced frantically around the bath; Thor couldn't make out whether he was
seeking help or ensuring that no one was there to witness his predicament.
“It's only a game, Loki – a game all youths play,” Thor lied. He had just
dreamed this madness up himself. “You've missed out on so much, but now I'm
going to show you. I want to see if you can excel at this as you do in all
other things.”
Loki was flushed and tense; beneath the surface Thor could see the tumescent
condition of his penis, pointing upward in direct disobedience of it's owner's
will. Thor had worked himself to a similar state and gripped the base of his
cock, touching the swollen head gently against Loki's shaft and sliding it
tenderly along the surface. They both shuddered.
“Take yourself in hand, Loki,” Thor whispered in his brother's ear, “and fight
me. We shall see who can outlast the other. If you remain passive, you will
surely succumb. You must fight.”
Loki brought a trembling hand to his cock and gripped it as his brother was
doing. “You know I can't hope to compete with you this way,” he said, his
eyelids growing heavy, “I already feel myself slipping...”
Loki's head lolled to one side as Thor continued rubbing his glans up and down
Loki's shaft. “You must resist it, Loki. If you can resist the Allfather you
can keep your wits about you now. Focus, Loki.”
Loki struggled to re-open his eyes. He winced as soon as he looked beneath the
water at the sight of he and Thor's swollen members sliding against one
another, and turned to the side. “I can't do this, Thor. I just -”
From where his hand held Loki's shoulder, Thor could feel his breath dragging
roughly in and out of his body. The purr was building within him, about to take
control. Thor grabbed Loki's face and turned it back toward the water and the
inflaming sight of their genitals.
“You'll watch this as I have to, otherwise it's cheating.” Thor admonished his
brother as he continued teasing their cocks, precome leaking from both in thin,
milky strings. Loki's eyes tried to focus as he stared at the filthy display,
his face full of pain and disgust.
“You're not even trying, Loki,” Thor said as he matched the length of their
sexes and drove his glans between Loki's testicles, then squeezed their
hardnesses together in his hand. “If you knew how badly I've craved to see you
like this,” Thor whispered, “you would realize how easily I might lose.”
Loki stared back with dilated eyes, and Thor could see him trying to gather
himself behind the intoxicated black pools. He ground forward and then pulled
himself out of Thor's hands to take control. He presses the slippery head of
his cock against Thor's so that their leaking slits slid together in a kiss. A
wave fell over Thor when he saw his brother engaging his desire for the first
time, awake and willing. Loki's eyes closed again, he was losing himself, but
Thor urged him to fight on as they stroked their tortured cocks against one
another.
“Stay with me, Loki. I know you can do this. I want you to know what this feels
like.” Thor gripped Loki's neck as tightly as he did his own cock, watching his
brother's eyes grow ever bigger as he he clung on to his consciousness,
gritting and whimpering. They pushed their bodies closer, until Thor could feel
the hardness of Loki's nipples against his own, and he inhaled his brother's
breath. Loki's glans was purple and tormented, swollen with blood when he
finally came, screaming into Thor's ear as he tried to push away from him.
Loki lost himself, spraying semen directly over Thor's cock. The feeling was
exquisite, and Thor watched it with relish before he began pumping himself
furiously and returned the favor, bathing Loki's softening prick in his come.
As his orgasm washed over him, he loosened his grip on Loki and was pushed off.
Loki walked out of the pool, stumbling but no longer concerned with his nudity.
“I won,” Thor said, getting Loki's attention before he was left behind without
a word. “But maybe you will have better luck in some future event?”
“Yes,” Loki said, turning to Thor, “since my bathing schedule is set to change,
maybe I will learn some pointers from the palace guards. It's a popular game,
you say? Well, then, I'm sure there are many strategies for me to learn.”
Thor sat back in the pool, jilted and sore. He listened to Loki's bare feet pad
out of the bath, then watched strings of coagulating semen twirl in the cooling
water for several moments before abandoning the polluted pool as well.
***** Chapter 9 *****
After Loki's childhood trick with the Destroyer, he was banished from any
visits to the vault. The only exception that rule was if he was taken by Odin,
and that had happened only once. Odin had been imbibing and was in a story-
telling mood, so he decided to relay the tale of the war in Jotunheim while he
had the boys admire the stolen Casket of Winters. It was most uncomfortable for
Loki, especially when Thor threw his fists in the air and swore he would “kill
all the monsters himself,” but Loki knew this was nothing more than him showing
off for the old man. At least he had been spared the fake adoption story.
As he grew older, one thing Odin had said to them that day stuck out in his
mind. His father told them that only one of them could become king, though both
were worthy of the position. Was that an early attempt to drive Loki and Thor
apart? He thought so for many years, and always felt proud when Odin saw how
devoted Thor had remained to him. But now that Loki had begun to suspect the
truth of who and what he really was, he no longer believed that could have been
Odin's intention. Perhaps Odin's tongue had been loosened by mead, and he was
letting half-truths fall out of his mouth carelessly. One thing Loki knew for
sure was that he had been born to rule, but not in the land he was brought to.
His birthright had been robbed from him when Odin kidnapped him from the ice
world.
Hundreds of years later, Loki still seethed when he thought of what Odin said
in the vault. To be fair, Loki seethed almost whenever Odin spoke, as he was
doing now, telling the story of how he cleverly cheated the mighty laborer, who
truly built the Bifrost, out of his promised reward.
Today was the celebration of the Bifrost's completion, and Odin was indulging
himself along with every guest. The best mead was flowing, and the Allfather
seemed to feel the effects as he told of the trials and adventures brought by
the grand project to connect the realms. The feast hall was packed with
laughing, mead-flushed faces, all bursting with cheer. Loki refused to drink;
he had learned that on these occasions the best way to annoy others was to
blight the jolly atmosphere with a sour and sober countenance. It was just
another form of mischief, really.
Thor was beside him, reeking of drunkenness and pulling on his arm.
“Loki, you must drink! Father is permitting it!”
“Which is exactly why I am not,” Loki replied, “I drink only when it is
forbidden.”
Thor groaned and left to join his friends, and Loki watched jealously from his
seat at the table. He considered joining them, but when he saw Thor playfully
pull Sif into his lap and attempt to tickle her, he turned away, now truly
irritated.
It reminded him of Thor's increasingly lascivious petting. Every night, when
Loki sank into his arms, eager for the love his body needed, he could feel how
changed Thor's caresses had become. Even during the day, Thor seduced him
almost every time they were alone with his ridiculous games and challenges. It
disgusted him, just thinking about them, but he could never resist. The smell
of Thor's excitement took hold of his senses and he gave in, Thor's hands on
his cock bringing him out of himself until he released his seed. He couldn't
understand how Thor had so easily accepted his perverted desires, but assumed
that Loki being an adopted brother had something to do with it.
There was a time he hated being without Thor, or having to share his company
with other people. Those days were gone. The worst of it was, Loki wanted it.
He knew he would want it for the rest of his life, long after Thor moved on,
found a woman, and eventually became ashamed of the things he had done to his
brother. It would ruin their friendship and intimacy. And Loki, having to
remember the games they played, would dream about them for he rest of his
existence. It would all be easier if the foolishness had never started, and if
his dreams of Thor were fantasy instead of memory.
There was no denying the effect Thor had on his body. Every morning when he
woke up, he found dried seed in his garments. Just being close to him must
bring him to climax, he assumed, because Thor's idiotic sense of honor wouldn't
allow him to take advantage of Loki while in his raptured state. When he
thought of the games, though, he would begin to doubt his confidence in this
assumption. There was no harm done yet, however, and Loki was grateful that
Thor still had no idea how men had intercourse with each other. Loki was smart
enough not to enlighten him on the subject.
Suddenly Loki felt a heaviness on his shoulder. It was a hand, firm but gentle,
a touch he had never felt before. He was surprised when he turned around and
saw his father.
“Son, come. Let us make our way down to the weapons vault. It has been long
since you have seen our family's victorious trophies.”
Loki rose from the table, knowing he had no other choice. Thor was beckoned as
well, and Odin leaned on both of them as they stumbled their way to the vault.
They descended the stairwell and entered the great doors. The two guards were
dismissed and invited to take a cup of mead in the feast hall. They toured
Odin's collection of deadly knick-knacks, listening as he retold the same
stories word-for-word that Loki remembered the last time he stood in this room.
Bored, he looked down at the end of the vault where stood the Casket, and
beyond that, the grated wall behind which the Destroyer slept. He smirked to
himself, thinking that he was the last one to give the beast a chance to play.
He felt sorry for the thing, and hoped the future might give him a few chances
to let it live again.
After babbling on about the clairvoyant orb and the useless cube - the shell
that once held the Tesseract - Odin stopped in front of the Eternal Flame. This
was another favorite story of his to tell, how he fought beside his father Bor
to take it from Surtur, and keep it to guard the safety of the Nine Realms.
Loki often wondered how safe the rest of the universe felt with Odin possessing
so much power, and why he had been permitted to appoint himself guardian of all
worlds. He was a bully, Loki concluded, and no one was willing to challenge
him.
Odin approached another of his prizes, the Infinity Gauntlet, once worn by
Thanos. It's huge size was a reminder of the villain's terrible body, which
intimidated even Loki. The glove itself was only another antique, but the gems
inside were the most powerful objects in the vault. Only two gems studded the
Gauntlet, the red gem of power and the green gem of soul, but Odin was
nonetheless proud.
He told the story of Nemesis, the first being, who encompassed all the power
and energy of existence. Since she was truly everything, she was lonely, and no
longer wished to live. She ended her existence, splitting herself apart to
create the universe. The six Infinity Gems were all that was left of her, and
when they were joined, they granted the user limitless powers.
Loki could not resist correcting his father's story. As Odin was about to begin
explaining the properties of each gem, he spoke up.
“Six?” Loki interrupted. “Only six, Father? I believe you are mistaken. There
is a seventh, is there not?”
The silence was palpable. The happy flush of Odin's face fell away as he was
sobered by Loki's disturbing words. Loki enjoyed the effect and decided to push
on.
“Yes, I believe I'm right,” Loki said, putting a finger to his chin as if he
was searching his mind. “There's Power, Soul, Space, Time, Mind, Reality, and E
-”
“- Silence!”
Thor and Loki both jumped at the sound of Odin's voice. He lurched forward and
grabbed Loki's collar, lifting him off the ground as he pulled him to his
chest.
“Where did you hear this lie? Where!” Odin's face was an inch from Loki's,
staring into his eyes as if searching for the truth.
“It's – it's only a rumor,” Loki stammered. “I don't know where I heard it -”
“- Lying!”
“I promise, Father, please...” Loki placed a hand over his father's fist. “I
can't remember.”
Odin threw his son on the floor of the vault with enough force to make him
slide. Loki knew not to get up when Odin walked forward to speak down at him.
“There is no Ego Gem, understood?” he growled. “The seventh stone is a lie! You
will forget this, both of you!” Odin said, turning to Thor. “You will never
speak of it again!”
Odin remained standing over his trembling son on the floor for a few moments to
gather himself. He stared past the walls of the vault, deep in some painful
memory.
“Now out of my vault, both of you!”Odin turned away from them and walked down
the aisle of the vault, clasping his hands behind him. Thor helped his brother
to his feet, then taking his hand led him quickly out of the vault.
===============================================================================
Neither of them returned to the feast. Loki did not voice his wish to be alone
because he knew it was pointless. At least Thor had the good sense to stay
quiet and softly caress him as he did when they were children. It was soothing,
but Loki didn't want to be soothed. He wanted to bottle his anger up and use it
later as a weapon against his enemy. But as he felt Thor's hands on him, felt
the love and concern pouring out of his fingertips, the anger subsided enough
for him to speak.
“I hate myself for being so afraid him,” Loki admitted.
“I was afraid, too,” Thor said, then after a thoughtful pause, “I was afraid
for you. I was angry. I wanted to help you, to tell him to stop, but I felt
frozen to the spot.”
Loki turned to look into Thor's eyes. “I should have stood up to him. We both
should have. We're almost men now, together we're stronger than him. He's only
an old man, and a fool. He doesn't know what I could do to him.”
Loki turned his face to the ceiling, allowing his imagination to mend the
embarrassment he had suffered in the vault. “I could have stopped his heart.
Sent him straight into his damned sleep. Everyone would have blame the mead.
Down in the vault, there would have been no witnesses. He sent the guards away
himself, so no suspicion. Then I would finally be free of his hatred and you,”
Loki turned back to his brother and whispered, “ you would holding Gungir in
your hand right now, seated on the throne. A boy king, but a better -”
“- I've told you never to speak like this!” Thor said, roughly taking Loki's
head and pressing his palm over his mouth, “Why do you not obey? Your words
frighten me.”
Loki could see that Thor would have done nothing, would even have protected
Loki from suspicion, if he had done what he wished he had.
“They frighten you because you know you want it, too,” Loki said once Thor had
released him.
“That's not true!” Thor hissed back angrily. “Why would I kill my father for
his throne when he means to hand it to me when I am ready?”
Loki laughed. “He'll never release his throne to you. You'll never be king as
long as he lives, I promise you that.”
“Why do say these things to me? Why do you wish to turn me against him?”
“I only wish for you to see him as I do. He is manipulative, secretive,
untrusting. You saw how he was tonight. He hides so much, and he protects it
with brute violence.”
“What was it he was hiding tonight? What were you speaking of – this Ego Gem?”
“Forget about it Thor, like I said, it's only a rumor.”
“What power does it possess?” Thor pressed on.
Loki sighed and closed his eyes. “The most terrifying. If it is combined with
all six other gems, it will reform Nemesis, which would be the end of
everything.”
“What if it isn't a rumor?” Thor asked. “What if Father is hiding it? But then,
why wouldn't he keep it in the vault?”
“Because that's the first place anybody would look for it.”
“No one could survive the vault!”
Loki gave Thor an incredulous smirk. “Those who would want it wouldn't care.
There are those with nothing but raw power and a death wish. Someone who had
the rest of the stones would need only a moment to combine them and end
existence right there in the vault.”
Loki watched bafflement take hold of Thor's face. It was endearing how he
couldn't understand such a dark notion.
Loki laughed. “Don't worry, brother. I told you, the Ego Gem doesn't exist.
It's only a tale, like the ones we told each other children. I brought it up to
the old man to start trouble. I had no idea he would react like that. He was
drunk, and probably didn't like me commandeering his story.”
Thor was obviously not convinced; his eyes were wide with worry and confusion.
“Kiss me,” Loki whispered, wanting to clear Thor's thoughts. He smiled, and
waited for Thor to press their lips firmly together. It was a strong but chaste
kiss like the ones they shared as children. Immediately he could feel the
comforting effect of Thor's affection. It felt like a drug spreading throughout
his body, lightening the weight of his soul and soothing his body and mind. He
wrapped his arms around Thor's neck and pulled him close, purring softly even
though Thor was too distracted to stroke him. He fell asleep, still clothed,
while Thor lay awake and tried to unravel his mind from Loki's awful tale.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Summertime.
Loki sighed tiredly as he looked on at the sparse and shrinking slivers of ice
that remained, swirling on the surface of the water as they shriveled to
nothing. He steeled himself for the few minutes of suffering he would have to
endure while he waited for the servants to replenish the bath. When he stood up
in the tub, he immediately felt the heat of the Asgardian summer day attacking
his skin. Truly, this was no land for Jotunkind. He wrapped a thin, clinging
sheet around his hips and stumbled to the call rope to yank it. The servants
that responded were armed with buckets of broken ice; they knew already what
the prince's request would be.
It took the labor of several men to keep Loki supplied with ice water
throughout the day. The ice had to be broken into small bits that were
comfortable enough lay in, then delivered to the prince's chamber whenever he
rang for it. Fresh ice melted quickly in the summer heat and copious amounts of
it were required to fill the luxury-sized tub. There was a crew of servants
whose day was devoted to this one task, in spite of the fact that Loki was more
than capable of keeping water at a temperature desirable for his purposes with
some rudimentary spells he had long since mastered.
The truth was simple – he hated the men whose task this was, and it was worth
the waiting and the suffering to see them perform a job he knew they despised.
Many decades ago these men had greatly (though indirectly) impacted his life.
He was only just becoming a young man when the summer heat had become totally
devastating. His mother had charged the ablest servants with maintaining the
prince's ice bath, broad-shouldered men who were more suited to the environment
of a battlefield than an ailing prince's bedchamber. They certainly resented
the responsibility, and wore hard and unmasked frowns when the queen was not
present. It was the way they looked at him that had first stirred a desire in
Loki to know what lay beneath an expression, in the heart of a person. As they
filled the tub, the young Loki watched the men, imagining that he could
penetrate their skulls and know their secrets.
And then he did. It was almost too easy.
 
Could seidr be used to keep his ice in the state he wanted? Of course, but then
how could he punish the servants for their stupidity? He had learned more than
just the amount of time required to keep his tub filled when he read one of the
servants' thoughts. He had also seen his hatred and resentment for Loki. To the
servant he was a lowly Jotun, an orphan and likely a bastard, but he was
expected to be waited on as a true prince by Aesir men. He heard the ugliest
names and curses for his kind in the man's thoughts. He looked into the minds
of the rest of the crew and saw all the same loathing. As they smiled and bowed
to him, Loki knew that each of them wished him nothing but unhappiness. And if
he were to use his skills to save the brutes from their work? Would it earn him
any love? No. Then he would be an ergi trickster, as deplorable as a frost
giant.
It wasn't the first time he had been confronted with the reality of Aesir
hatred for himself. He had also seen what was in the hearts of his father's
members of court. It was the same distrust and irritation. In fact, outside of
his mother and his brother, he seriously doubted that anyone in this realm
wished him anything but ill.
On the bed where he waited was a tunic half-hidden in the crumpled sheets next
to him - Thor's. He brought the garment to his face and inhaled the scent of
his brother's body. His eyelashes fluttered as he let it fill his lungs.
The summers were worse with every passing year, and now that he was almost a
man, the daytime heat could make him almost ill. To make matters worse, Thor
had gone away with his friends on a long hunting trip a fortnight before. He
was already feeling the effects of the separation – the depression and the
restlessness that didn't seem to abate the exhaustion from the heat – and he
still had another two weeks to suffer through before Thor's return.
He couldn't work and he couldn't sleep. All that was left was to think.
He took another breath through his nostrils slowly, taking as much of Thor's
stink into his body as he could. Whatever soothing effect it had only lasted
the time it took to let the breath out again, so he threw the teasing article
away from him. Damn this hateful bond, he thought.
He imagined Thor, probably without a care in the world, guzzling mead out of a
leather sack as his horse ambled along the River Iving. Would he think of Loki
when he came to the spot where they had had that terrible row so many years
ago? Of course not. Not with Mjolnir at his hip and his jolly idiot friends at
his side.
His flawless memory seemed to provide Loki with as many advantages as it did
sorrows. Dark moments, the ones that would be happily forgotten, remained to
him as sharp and as bitter as the pain of his brother's heavy fists. But unlike
a cut lip and a bruised cheek, Loki was unable to heal himself from the pain of
memories.
Two weeks ago, when Thor was preparing for departure on his month-long journey,
he couldn't keep his hands or his mouth off of Loki. It was like struggling
with a wild animal. Loki had become a pet, a piece of property, it seemed. Thor
no longer seemed to care about Loki's thoughts or concerns, or even his
consent. When Loki spoke, Thor looked on him like he was speaking a foreign
tongue, though his physical attentions had never been more fervent. It seemed
as though this had all began when he received Mjolnir, walked between throngs
of adoring citizens celebrating his passage into legend before he was even a
man, and found reason to think himself a god. Now Loki was a possession. A
beloved one albeit, but one whose desires, opinions, and emotions no longer
held import.
The servants were finished. As they bowed to him, he could see only glares of
hate emanating from their hearts. They departed, and Loki returned to the icy
bath.
It seemed that he could only perceive ugliness everywhere he looked. Even as he
reminded himself that the heat and the absence of his bonded partner were the
cause, he couldn't help thinking it was simply a veil that had been taken from
his eyes.
Why was he so hated for his heritage, when it was nothing he had control over?
He didn't petition for the frost giants, nor did he show any affinity for their
traditions; in fact, he had never shown interest for them at all. He kept his
sympathies for them entirely secret, even from his brother. He still couldn't
understand why they were so reviled – he knew it had to do with their attempted
siege on Midgard but really, was it such a crime? The humans were primitives,
they hadn't even the capacity to look beyond their own tiny galaxy and worse,
they were perhaps the only known race that regularly warred within it's own
kind. The Jotuns needed to expand, and their designs were no different than
eradicating rabbits from a field before you plant crops. They were not only
defeated by Odin, they were humiliated, emasculated, and many were taken
prisoner with no chance to see the light of day again. Many still rotted
beneath him in the dungeons...
In his foul mood, this injustice suddenly hit him as an atrocity. And worse,
that he had never seen it as such in the hundreds of years he had lived made
him ashamed of himself. He had never seen another who shared his Jotun blood,
though he remembered that it was because of them that his life had been spared.
It was them, those who suffered in the dungeons, that had been kind enough to
help his mother care for her dying, adopted son.
 
 
Thor supposed he was having a good time. Good enough, anyway. Each of them had
brought enough mead and kvass for the entire party and there seemed to be an
unspoken challenge that it all be consumed, if only for the sake of the animals
that were carrying it. After days and nights of imbibing, all were thirsty for
the chilled waters of the River Iving.
They had arrived at the river's banks and were filling their empty sacks, but
Thor's mind could not be torn from the scene that had occurred the last time he
had visited this place, decades ago. He could not recall the exact spot where
it had happened, but every section seemed to contain a bend, a thrush's song, a
stone, or even an inexplicable mood that reminded him of Loki.
He had taken his father's advice, going on a long hunting and exploratory
venture, gracing the numerous villages with his presence and being given full
privileges of the grounds – without Loki. They were gorged with game and mead,
but Thor still felt empty. He missed his brother. His companions took it as a
morose regality resulting from his coming maturity, but nothing could be
further from the truth. Not a single word could be said, not an event passed,
that Thor could force himself not to imagine Loki's reaction. There seemed no
point in acting out without the promise of Loki's scolding insults.
They camped by the bank that night, the gurgling water a lullaby to all but the
prince. It haunted him.
He imagined his brother at home, wrinkly in his eternal ice bath, suffering.
His thoughts were delivered in Loki's haughty accent, but they were never as
surprising or biting as the real thing. Just shadows. He had felt Sif's hand on
his thigh that night by the fire, inviting him, but he had resisted – he loved
her too much too spend a night inside of her thinking of another. And they were
only half-way through this trip.
 
 
Loki pulled his fetish stone out of the drawer where he kept it hidden; he
might need the extra help tonight as he passed through the barriers of his
father's sorcery. He was draped in a long and tattered robe, something he and
his brother had used as a set-piece or costume in many games. It used to drag
along the floor behind him as he approached his brother's faux casket, but now
it didn't even pass his ankles. He walked the halls of the palace unheard and
unseen, bare-footed and cloaked in magic.
At the entrance to the dungeon, he spotted the two guards playing Birisin,
unable to see him unless he made a sound. He clutched the stone and called upon
its powers, and when it rushed through his body, he forced himself forward,
moving like a ghost, past the guards who didn't look up from their game or the
supposedly impenetrable barriers.
He was inside now, witness to the horrible predicament of the many lives his
father had judged uncomplimentary to his rule. There were many beings, all
shapes and sizes, but they all appeared the same way – slumped in corners,
listless, ignoring the meager furniture that had been provided for them. He
wandered the halls until he found the unit that housed his kind.
It was dirtier than the rest. Loki guessed it was because none of these persons
would ever have an opportunity to report the abuse. He continued to wander
until he heard a voice calling him.
“My prince...”
Loki turned around. No one should have been able to see him, but one Jotun in a
packed cell was beckoning with his hands. Loki approached with caution.
“Yes, it is you,” the aged-looking giant said with a smile. “I have dreamed for
so long that I might look on your face before I met death. My prayers have been
answered.”
“How is it that you know me,” Loki said, “or see me at all?”
“I am like you, my son,” the creature said, “a mage. But I can also see your
Jotun heart.”
“My heart isn't bound to any one region of the stars.”
“No,” the old mage said, “no it isn't. And it was never meant to be.”
Loki approached the glass wall and sat himself down beside the Jotun on the
other side. “What do you mean by saying that?”
“I mean that you were intended for great things. You are my prince. I was
charged with your well-being, it was my life's great purpose. But as you can
see, I can do very little in this state.” The mage said, raising his manacles.
“You've done more than enough,” Loki assured him. “I am sure you are the one
that told my mother how I should be cared for.”
“Indeed,” the mage said, smiling.
“How is it that you think of my well-being as your life's great purpose?
Perchance you have spent too much time in this hole. Surely -”
“- no. It was my charge. I was to follow you to Midgard, to aid your rule. It
was your father's bidding.”
“My rule? In Midgard? Odin has spoken of no such thing.”
The mage smiled, “You have been kept blind, my child. You know not what or who
you are. I speak of your other father, King Laufey.”
“King Laufey? That is my true father?”
“They are both your true fathers, my lord.”
“How can -”
“- The Jotun race is not made of two sexes. There is a third, that can both
father and mother children. Your father, King Laufey, is of that type. You are,
truly, a prince of both Asgard and Jotunheim. And you should be king of
Midgard.”
As the mage smiled cynically on the other side of the barrier, Loki allowed
this knowledge to take root. He didn't doubt the truth of it – he could always
see a liar at work. While the information was horrifying, he couldn't allow
himself to appear naïve in front of this prisoner. “Go on,” he said.
“Go on with what?” the mage asked.
“Tell me why Odin would betray his oath to my mother, why he would make love to
the king of Jotunheim.”
“Well, that is quite a tale, with a very bitter ending, child.”
“I'll hear it.” Loki replied, looking deep into the eyes of the monster, so
that he knew it was a command, not a request.
The mage cleared his throat. “Very well. Your father has the loyalty of a great
seer, Heimdall. It is an asset that has earned him the envy of all kings. In
his madness for power, he told this seer to look for all the Infinity Gems,
believing himself to be the only one who could house them safely. But, the
seer's power was limited, and those who possessed the gems weren't exactly
leaving them out in the open. The only gem he could locate was the Ego Stone,
which is useless in the absence of the other gems. Useless, quite literally,
because it has no purpose other than to destroy existence as we know it...”
“I am familiar,” Loki said, gritting his teeth.
“... Odin journeyed to Jotunheim, after his family had been banished for
millenia, demanding that the stone be handed over for safe-keeping in his
precious vault. Laufey refused to release it, and at that, Odin threatened war.
Your father, King Laufey, is not an unreasonable man, and he offered a
solution; that a child should be born, of both Jotun and Aesir royal blood, and
that he should guard the gem in his own domain in the land of the humans. Odin
accepted the compromise, or it was believed that he did. The king of the Aesir
is a liar, as we who languish in this place know too well...”
“And... ?” Loki was not willing to listen to this beast begging for sympathy.
“... a ritual was performed during their mating. It happened in private, and
only the greatest sorcerers were there to perform it. I was not invited. They
knew the sidr required would be enough to kill them, but the birth was all that
mattered. Years later, a child was born. A beautiful son,” the mage paused to
look fondly at his prince. “The attack on Midgard was executed by our people
according to plan, but when Odin arrived, it was not to bring reinforcements,
but to conquer his own allies. He won the love of the human populace and
destroyed us. He took the battle to Jotunheim, and continued slaughtering our
people. Still, it was not enough. He stole the Ego gem, the Casket of Ancient
Winters, and worst of all, our beloved prince. That is all there is to tell.”
“There is no Ego gem in this palace, you fool. I have been to the vault and can
assure you, that is not one of Odin's treasures.”
“No, my boy,” the mage assured, “it is here. I can feel it. In fact, I have
never felt it more strongly than I do right now.”
 
 
Loki walked back to his room feeling sick to his stomach. He reached his
chambers and before he opened the door, noted the light that came from the
crack beneath. There was movement on the other side. He silently opened the
door and saw his brother standing before him.
“Loki!”
“What are you doing back here?” As much as he had missed Thor, there was never
a time in his life when he wished more to be alone.
“We've finished the Northern region, and I wanted to return home for a night
before continuing in the South,” Thor replied, changing into a nightshirt. Then
he said, “I believe I have exhausted my companions, and I was hoping you would
accompany me for the remaining half of my scout.”
“You know that is forbidden.”
“It's not forbidden, Loki, only frowned upon by the old man,” Thor said, using
a humorous tone. “And besides, he needn't know. I returned without being seen,
and you can easily leave a message that you are seeking herbs and plan to camp.
Maybe you could give those poor fools who provide your ice bath a rest, yes?”
There is nothing Loki would have liked more than to get away from that damnable
palace.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!