Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/10050917.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Character:
      Harry_Potter, Hermione_Granger, Lucius_Malfoy, Minerva_McGonagall, Ron
      Weasley, Severus_Snape, Bellatrix_Black_Lestrange, Ginny_Weasley,
      Voldemort
  Additional Tags:
      Slash, Heterosexual_Sex, Sexual_Content, Spoilers, Angst, Tragedy, Drama,
      Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Science_Fiction_&_Fantasy
  Collections:
      HPFandom
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-01-03 Completed: 2010-08-29 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 8929
****** Catastrophe of lost lives ******
by evinaadlene [archived by HPFandom_archivist]
Summary
     In a world where everything is lost and manipulated , Hermione tries
     to hold on. She would do anything to see her friends again. But is
     she strong enough for Harry, even to watch him being torn apart.
     Angst and graphical violence from the 4th chapter. if you are week
     hearted... please do not read beyond 3rd ..
Notes
     Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally
     archived at HP_Fandom, which was closed for health and financial
     reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its
     works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I
     e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but
     may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator,
     please contact me using the e-mail address on HP_Fandom_collection
     profile.
***** 1 Missing *****
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is a property of J.K. Rowling
Warning: This story contains angst, violence, self harm and sexual situations.
A / N: this is my first story. If you think it isn't interesting, or nor worth
it I’m really sorry, because this is my first fan fiction writing. This is set
after half blood prince and deathly hollows never happened. First chapter will
move a bit slow.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
“Professor Granger”
Hermione raised her head from the pile of second year Transfiguration
assignments she had been marking. A fourth year girl with red hair stood in
front of her desk. She was a Gryffindor… new seeker for the house Quiddich
team. She had a sudden instinct of someone she knew which made her jolt in the
pit of her stomach with memories of her school years. It has been almost two
and a half years.
“Professor..?’
The girls’ voice brought her back to a puzzled gaze. She had done it again,
letting her pathetic emotions to get to her. Hasn’t she? Not good. Not good at
all. ‘Yes?’ she said tapping to get over the embarrassment of being court up
with...What was that...a wrakspot? Arrgh. She blinked hard.
“Head Mistress asked to give you this” she handed a folded parchment with her
name written.
“Thank you Miss Sullivan”. She sighed watching the girl pass through the class
room door. It is only a day before Christmas holidays. What could possibly be
urgent for McGonagall to not to wait until lunch? Slight chance of it being
anything to do with transfiguration lessons…She opened to see a rather short
note.
Miss Granger,
Please be present at the professor Slughorns’ Christmas party.
 Minerva McGonagall
 
What the..? She couldn’t wait two hours to tell this by herself, and the
Christmas party? Party? She thought with annoyance creeping in a high level for
the ridicules request.
She never attended gatherings, especially if it contained more than three
people to count. McGonagall knew.
Not that there were many of course. With outside world engaged in a hide and
seek with death eaters, festivities were clearly beyond the point skip
Slughorns’ taste for dine with his barking favorites who acted as nothing is
wrong, inside the protection of Hogwarts.
Hogwarts is of course one of those rare places which has not been sneaked by
Voldemort and his followers… yet. Maybe they are just bidding time. Hermione
knew it’s not far the time when she has to flee alone for her life with no able
McGonagall to protect her by taking her to aside from other muggle borns as she
did.
It was not that magical world was in an open chaos. The ministry still stood
with Kingsley Shacklebolt as the minister since three years after Rufus
Scrimgeours’ death by death eater attack. But now the Voldermort and the dark
side had started playing a new game alongside the ministry to the public eye,
only nagging their old ways from behind. everything had become a political
arena than an open war.
Everything was different two and a half years back when she Ron and Harry
finished their schooling. Times had been cold then with war. Yet there was a
clear resistance and they were fighting against an open course. With
Dumbledore’s’ fall which followed by Scrimgeours’ six months after, Kingsley
and Moody became the prime leaders in order of the phoenix, closely followed by
McGonagall and Lupin. Many of the DA members joined to the order as junior
members with Harry Ron and her with Harry resembling the iconic figure of
Dumbledore. With Harry moving to Grimmauld place it became the permanent head
quarters for the order. And rather than leaving as he planned Harry stayed
carrying the Dumbledore’s mission from there, traveling around secretly with
Ron and Hermione.
Hermione smiled to herself remembering the time when they were actively
occupied in resistance, making plans and learning stuff that many wizards had
not even heard of in their older years.
The bell rang waking her up to the present as she sighed wiping out hair from
her face. She got up and collected the assignment piles to put in to the
cupboard. She’ll have to mark them tomorrow if she was going to
tonight’s…whatever it is. What a waste of time. She started walking to the
great hall. Maybe she can talk to McGonagall there and ask her what’s so
urgent.
She sighed again old memories stalking in to her mind. She never thought about
them. Not if she could help it.
But it was all going well three years back, with hopes that everything would be
normal again. Yet Voldemorts’ creeping in to the every part of the wizardry
world shattered everything step by step by carful strategies. It started with
Voldemort lying low again after Scrimgeours’ death, bidding his time until his
tactful men clear the passage for him to come to the public in a politically
formed way.
And the political plan they carried was much difficult to resist unlike the
open war. With ministry pure blood influences of their side, they were able to
raise a point to justify muggle resistance blaming muggles’ objection and
suspicion through magic. And it started debates in political arena dividing the
wizard population to two groups in which Voldemort image was rebuilt as a
politician, a rebel or even a martyr to muggle cruelty. And the name of harry
potter was also dragged in with his muggle experiences which were not quite
rich... though they had no idea how Voldemorts’ side found out.
And with it Voldemorts’ ministry henchmen began their mission in whitening
Voldemorts’ acts blaming the contents of the prophesy to state that it was that
fear and uncertainty for life which made Voldemorts’ acts against the Potters.
And in clear path to peace Harry Potter and Voldemort should come to a pact of
magical impotence to each other as stated by them. And with fear of the ways
things have been going and knowing he would be unable to refuse to corporate
for a ministry order if it comes to that Kinsley sent Harry to a hiding cutting
down his connections from all the order including Ron and Hermione. And while
all of this was happening on surface the Order of the phoenix was carefully
exterminated either by killing, threatening, and bribery or as her Harry and
Ron ... separation.
Maybe Snape was behind it all and Malfoys. Who were able to pass new laws on
muggle borns and their supporters restricting their magic unless tested for the
contribution for magical world and vowed by a recognized figure of pureblood.
With senior Malfoy buying his way in to wizardgomate along with six of
voldermorts henchmen it shouldn’t have been that hard. Hermione had been saved
of course by the head mistress of Hogwarts assigning her to the subject of
transfiguration teachings and researches for the ministry. But she knew she had
been one of the very few.
Muggle born restrictions were only one of many a changers. Dying of resistance
groups was the highest victory Voldemort got in Hermione’s opinion. Since
Malfoys getting over the Daily prophet, Quibber and almost all other news
papers it had been an easy thing to achieve.
With Snapes’ strategies of lesser violence to lay low until the public calm
down on dark lords’ new kind of invasion, there were less articles on death
eater murder and violence. The less the articles became wizard public became
less enthusiastic for resistance which lead to a political invasion at the
beginning. But everything had been too late when violence started to creep in
for anyone who would protest. Auror office had been taken over by death eaters
with fewer old members still laying low including Ron who joined Auror training
as soon as he got out of Hogwarts. And Hermione had to cut off all her
connections to him to avoid suspicions of resistance which might have ended in
both of their lives, being closely watched for a reason for extermination.
The ministry is a mixture of death eaters and purebloods who no longer saw any
real reasons for resistance on Voldemort. Kingsley and few others are still
there, unable to act, knowing the first step against any of this would be their
death. So it is not an open chaos that everything was in. but a hidden utter
desperation which only solution was to lay low with given opportunity.
She entered the great hall with a twig of annoyance to see no McGonagall there.
Snape, the only death eater inside the castle gazed at her with his usual
greasy scowl. Maybe she reminded him that they still had not got Harry Potter.
Or have they? Kidnapped and exterminated secretly as many order members. She
wasn’t sure any more. Shut up...
She regained her posture and walked her usual self with a grim gesture to Snape
sitting between Slughorn and Binns replying to their nods as well. Let’s
pretend everything is safe and sound now... my foot.
Slughorn turned to her with a very sluggish smile “Would you be joining us
tonight Miss Granger... I have a rather exiting list of guests from government
transfiguration research team of France…Ralph Goodwill leading the team of
course, one of my earliest pupils from Hogwarts‘. No offence but she despised
him for his open false delusion of believing everything was quite alright and
normal around.
“Severus… u remember him undoubtedly, exceptional potions knowledge he had. And
his contribution to body slim potion is quite recognized by witch weekly”
Snape snorted. “I’m not some sappy woman wallowing in mid age crisis to read
witch weekly Hoarse, surely you notice” said he not bothering to look up from
his grimace.
‘of course of course. Quite occupied you are Severus. We are not being graced
with your presence tonight I assume?’ Slughorn remained in his light gesture.
‘I will be visiting the minister for a policy discussion on Hogwarts
admissions.’
‘of course of course… miss granger what about you’ Hermione gazed at him and
smiled.
‘your former friend Dean Thomas and Bill Weasley had confirmed their coming,
not to mention your research head Mr. Knockdom.’
“I’ll be there” she said feeling Snapes’ side scowl on her with the mention of
a Weasley.
She hated meals at Great Hall since she came back. It was torture join in for
staffs’ small talks with a scowling Snape and a moody McGonagall pretending the
world is a merriment and all her friends had gone on a holiday, and bad enough
to be looking at house tables ignoring her own weakness on avoiding to look at
Gryffindor table which flashed Rons’ and Harrys’ faces to her sentimental self.
But she had no better choice than to play as she had added them to her past in
a world where voldemort is becoming not only accepted but respected to his
gallant beliefs and ideas in the political muddle.
After dragged moments of similar tortures Hermione went off to her private
suites locking the door behind. Still two in the evening, she gazed at her
watch. She had almost five hours to waste. Maybe a few hours nap would help her
to get distracted to make up her head to face a crowd.
She changed her robe to her least favorite green pajama and fell in to the
small couch with the book Transfiguration: trends of recent years after almost
diving herself in her altered locker of books. Turning to page three hundred
and thirty three she hesitated. She had not done this in quite a sometime, a
year maybe. But the girl who delivered her the McGonagall’s’ message had made
her stalked by her demons dragging the old memories back.
She gazed at the empty page of three hundred and thirty three for a while and
pressed her thumb at the center of the page. “Dumbledores’ Army” she whispered.
And the colours emerged in the blank paper revealing three figures arm to arm
with each other. Two boys in their best black suits, one with red hair with
over loaded freckles in his face and the other with jet black messy hair and
green eyes hiding behind round black framed glasses…. and a girl with golden
brown hair in the middle with a dull gold dress. They beamed at her while the
girl squeezed both the guys and beamed more. Hermione kept her gaze to the
three people who were in utter merriment at the bill and Flures’ wedding two
years back, who did not have a clue of what was to come just two years after.
It seemed as in another life time. What would not she give now to go back to
those moments... at least to get a glimpse of what made her her-self, In
between her best friend and her impossible crush of a read head? She is missing
them now who had turned just to fragments of memories from a cruel war of power
greed. She shut the book suddenly feeling a tear tickling down her cheek and
closed her eyes. Not bothering to open up she dropped the book to the floor and
waited to sleep to take over.
***** A thread to hold *****

Author's notes: in the eve of gathering Hermione meets Dean and Bill after over
an year. what would they have to say to each other after so much of loss? and
where is McGonagall?
===============================================================================
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is a property of J.K. Rowling
Warning: This story contains angst, violence, self harm and sexual situations.
RATED K+ /T FOR LATER CHAPTERS
A / N: this is my first story. If you think it isn't interesting, or nor worth
it I’m really sorry, because this is my first fan fiction writing. This is set
after half blood prince and deathly hollows never happened.
...........................................................................................................
At seven in the afternoon Hermione was walking on the corridor to Slughorns’
suite. She has chosen the up to knee, amber silk dress she bought almost two
years back for her graduation.
Getting ready felt strange to her now, not having done it for some time. She
felt uncomfortable and over exposed than her usual dull green robe she always
wore.
Nearing the entrance she saw people, chattering in groups. Some students who
were favored enough to get in to the party stared at her, seeing her in a dress
for the first time. Can’t blame them for her choice in wearing the hair loose
as in old school days, she regretted it now. Why didn’t she stick to her robes?
She wished that she could find McGonagall soon and end this night, but standing
near the entrance, she could see no McGonagall in side.
She hesitated seeing the crowded room which had been extended to a small hall.
I hate crowds... she told herself sighing.
 
A young man with bony long hands waved at her hurrying his way to her direction
leaving his chatting group by the door.
“Ms. Granger...how wonderful to see you here. You look stunning as ever… much
more than your usual self but... I must add.”
“Thank you Wilby. Good to see you too. How is the research on red Gilly plants
going?” she asked politely in a dry tone.
Wilby smiled mischievously. “I know how arid hearted you are on the whole topic
of Herbology but it is a very fascinating area... did not see you in research
section for some time. You did not quit did you?”
“Of course not,.. doing a bit of background studies on bodily transfigurations.
And students demand more time than five days in a week.” She smiled waving back
to Slughorn who had waved at her and now hurrying his way to her. “I will see
you Wilby” she said walking towards Slughorn.
 
“Ms Granger… I must add that you look absolutely dazzling… I told Mr. Knockdom
that you will be coming. He was most impressed with your work you know… I told
him that you were quite the academic brilliance in your grade at school.”
“Thank you professor” she smiled with an unease sense for people gazing at her.
“He will be most willing to talk to you Ms. Granger. Do enjoy your time. Shall
I get you a drink?”
“No need. I’ll fetch myself thank you. Do see to your guests”.
He took her hand with a small bow and shook lightly. With him stepping away
Hermione found herself in middle of a crowd of well dressed people. Tables were
filled with all sorts of food. But she felt no appetite. Several people looked
at her...and more lingered the gazes with murmurs welding up. How long will it
take for McGonagall to appear? She walked to a table with only two occupants
and five empty chairs, and sat furthest from company and tried to pretend her
ears did not exist.
“Is that… Hermione granger..?” “Harry Potter’s sidekick”
“She’s a mudblood isn’t she? Wonder how she got off”
“She looks so young”.. “She is young”
“Think she has contacts with him?”
“Poor dear, I hear he abandoned her when he flee” “he didn’t flee”
“I remember reading she dated Ronald Weasley too. Harry potters other friend”
..
”she was with them both”… “Both at once?”... “What do you expect.. How else
could she become level with them? She’s’ low blood”… “She look stunning though”
“they all do.. muggles know how to look after them.”
“Tell me how you know them so well Shelton?” “Night outs in dirty streets?”
there was a crack of laughter. “Let’s say I get myself oiled” “she would….”
“Hermione?”
She heard a familiar tone which dragged her to herself again. Dean stood in
front of her, the only other muggle-born apart from herself in her batch to be
appointed for a job, backed by Shamus’s father. He had been living in their
home until Seamus body was found drowned. The official reports claimed it’s a
suicide. Yet they knew better giving the fact that Seamus disappeared two days
back delivering potions goods to Moody.
Dean looked taller than she last saw him a year back in Semuses’ funeral.
Instead of usual self now he had a tiresome and out of place look in him.
Haven’t they all? She gazed at him with loss of words. What can you say when
you come across with a broken piece of a lost possession which was so dear,
after losing it years ago.
“Dean” she muttered knowing he felt the same as her. Someone moved behind Dean.
She looked at Bill Weasley, who nodded and gazed away with her lingering gaze.
“How are you Bill?”
she asked as Bill sat next to her. Bill looked at her tightly squeezing her
hand under the table “Doing fine ...you?”
She gestured “same as I last met you year and a half ago...” she forced a
smile. “Fine I guess… everyone else?” she thought of Ron. Does he know his
brother is here today?
“They are coping up fine.” He sighed. “Dean s’ leaving the country tomorrow..
For France, is it Dean?”
Dean nodded. “Think I had enough setting reports for the ministry” he voiced in
a controlled tone. Silence followed them for some moments.
Then Dean leaned forward a bit. “Anything from anyone?” his voice was a barely
whisper. Hermione gazed at him and Bill shook his head barley.
They were silent for few more moments before Dean leaned further to Hermione
and Bill. He gazed around, only moving eyes as if to check any ones attention
on them. But the place was too crowded for anyone to see them rather than from
few feet. And none around them were paying much attention to them as a famous
celebrity actress had stepped in with her recent love interest wearing half a
dozen rubies.
“Listen…” Dean said as if he could hold no more.
“I’ve been following their traces on Lupin from the ministry. You might have
seen the article on prophet… They are saying he’s on illegal dragon blood
transporting…”
Bill shook his head again “it’s obvious they just want him in somehow. They’ve
been doing it over a year now. He’s well known to be in the Order.”
Dean leaned closer impatiently... “Of course their previous accusing on him was
false.. But I think something is up… order is planning something. I don’t think
it’s just bluff this time.”
“Order is finished Dean”
said Bill in a grim tone without taking his eyes off the young man who sounded
enthusiastic.
“According to ministry tracings... Lupin had been on some business in west
coast.” said Dean ignoring the previous statement.
“Aurors had been alerted and raids had been set. When aurors got to the place
Lupin had been spotted. But he had disappeared in front of them after aurors
casting non-transportation spell all over the place.” Dean paused at
Hermione’s’ dead stare.
 
“So…?” asked Bill with few minutes of silence, with two colleges staring at
each other. Hermione couldn’t take her eyes off Dean who stared back with a
calculating gaze at her. “you think..”
“…yes” he said cutting her off. Hermione bit her lip. Can it be possible?
“What is it?” Bill asked her. She gazed at him tightly. It took her few moments
to find her voice.
 
“Three years back something similar happened...in Godric’s Hollow” she took a
breath “… two of us from DA got trapped while others had the time to escape a
death eater circle. We were on a hunt for a… something.”
“ I remember the last minute escape of you and Harry” Bill frowned. “What are
you trying to say?”
“We used his invisibility cloak to escape. Remember?”
“So I heard… are you trying to say he was with Lupin at this supposed moment?”
“It’s a possibility” said Dean. Bill sighed. “Who else has such a thing as this
cloak?” added Dean matter-of-factly.
“Disappearing charms can be detected. And it needs an incarnation as well. A
person can’t just disappear from view. Not Lupin at least unlike Dumbledore or
you-know-who”
“You believe that?” Bill gazed at Hermione.
She did not know what to say. Was it possible that her friend to come near the
death eater rounds? with the state of the things going... Will Lupin risk it
dragging him from safety...? If he was in safety?
“Ok maybe Lupin only had the cloak… any cloak with invisibility. It doesn’t
matter. What matters is that something is on move. Order is in move.” He said
his voice hushed than before.
“And there is another thing.’ Dean leaned to Hermione closer. ‘The last trace
of Lupin was in Hogshead. There had been light murmurs among top aurors as if
they believe there had been a gathering of the left bits of Order.”
“That’s impossible” protested Bill. “At least my father would have known if
something like that is going on”
“They had McGonagall questioned today. As well as Pomfry.” Dean confided.
Hermione gripped her sides. McGonagall...?
“Pomfry is not in the order Dean” said she.
What’s going on? Headmistress had told her to come here. But she has not been
anywhere to be seen. Is it true that something is going on?
“But if they are gathering again we have to get to them”
“Look Dean” said Bill matter of factly, “we like to hold on to the least bit of
hope we have, to think that it’s going to be different. But you will be leaving
tomorrow and all Weasley heads are at stake. Half a mistake from any of us...
all our heads will be gone. Hermione is in a lion’s den …with Snape around,
watching her moves like a hawk. Any of us are hardly in a place to support
anything”
 
“But if order..’
“Order is finished Dean” Bill lowered his voice more, just for three of them.
“Dumbledore is dead, killed by Snape, Moody dead, Tonks dead, Seamus dead,
Charley dead, Fred dead, Neville dead. McGonagall and Kinsley cornered to
places. Lupin evicted. Muggle born restrictions are lawful now along with
ridicule holes for using unforgivables.
We could do nothing but send Harry Potter away for his life to prevent him
falling to Malfoys’ clutches. There’s no way he can finish this single handedly
now Dean. We failed him. We failed Dumbledore’s trust, to protect him.
Order is just a word that we like to keep on saying to deceive ourselves.”
Dean leaned back and sighed.
“We have to stop pretending that we are still at war” said bill. “It’s bitter…
but true... we lost”
 
Hermione looked away. She watched crowds chatting, eating and laughing. What
did they fight for? People are all the same, living their lives... Skip muggle
borns , muggles and selected ones who opposed.
What had it given them those who fought, than tearing them from their lives and
loved ones?
If she can only see Ron once… and Harry… Where was he? She felt wetness
threatening to overfill her eyes. She had to get out of here. Hell with
McGonagall. She will wait outside.
She could take any whispers, rude words or insults, but when it comes to
acceptance of defeat, injustice and lost bonds she wished she rather left this
ungrateful community to rot in hell alone. Not that she could ever stop rotting
her own self. But she felt the last reason for her dwell here was lost.
She got up. “I should be off” Dean did not open his eyes.
“… Didn’t you just arrive?’ Bills’ tone was worried.
“I have some work to be finished before the students leave tomorrow… I will see
you all again when there’s a chance. Give my love to everyone and safe journey
Dean”
Dean got up and sighed. He hugged her tight patting her lightly.
She hugged Bill and kissed his cheek. “For Ron” she said avoiding his gaze.
“I’m sorry…” he started but Hermione cut him off.
“Its fine… just give my love to all.”
She started walking to the door as Slughorn introduced her to a set of French
men and her research head. She coped as far as she could and after another hour
and a quarter she came out in intention of sitting outside with a miserable
peace. There was no one outside since the food and chattering is in its peak.
As she attempted to sit she saw a shadow upon a covered place from the wall.
She hesitated.
Would it be too late if she tried to get inside?
She calmly turned though her heart gave a pound. Suddenly out of nowhere she
felt a light sensation in her body.
She felt as if she was floating.
‘Walk’ she heard inside her head.
**************************
Hermione woke with a tingling sensation in her stomach. A ticking sound near
her made her open her eyes. She felt her in a sitting position and a blurry
site was getting clearer as she blinked.
She made out the black robe and the pointy hat of the figure opposite to her in
the other side of the table. Hand of the person kept on ticking the table
impatiently with a stick… wand…
“Professor McGonagall?”
Hermione straightened in the chair and look at the unfamiliar surrounding which
partly resembled Gryffindor common room though in a much smaller space. The
ticking continued as Hermione looked at the head mistress in front of her.
 
“Sorry about the discomfort Hermione. Yet I had to let everyone think that you
went to your rooms straight.”
Did McGonagall call her by first name?
“That’s fine… I looked for you. Is there something..’
“how are you ?” Hermione gazed to the stern look of the face in front of her.
The ticking had stopped.
“I’m fine. I just felt a...” McGonagall sighed and kept her wand on the side of
the table. Hermione knew that’s not what she asked.
“… I’m fine.”
“Did you meat Ron any recently?” she sounded impatient, Hermione thought.
“No. but just met Bill. He’s there in the party”
she didn’t want to sound sentimental.
“Will you be meeting anyone or planning to spend Christmas with someone?”
If she was would she spend the time here?.. McGonagall certainly knew this.
“No professor. I’m staying the week here.”
McGonagall got up and walked passed her to the small fire place. Hermione had
to turn to see her. There was only the fire place in the room for a light.
Maybe it hyped the red around to make this place so similar to their common
room.
When McGonagall turned to her gain Hermione could only see her silhouette.
“This used to be Dumbledore’s portable suite. It’s accessible from anywhere of
Hogwarts, if you know how to.”
Hermione kept her gaze fixed to where she thought McGonagall’s’ eyes were.
McGonagall took few steps closer to her.
“I need a favor from you Ms. Granger…”
Hermione thought McGonagall sounded far impatient than her calm body language.
“You-know-who has become powerful than ever, so as his henchman….. I know being
a muggle born what these means to you. I’m aware that I’m being unfair to you…”
“Professor… I owe my life to you. Being one of Harrys’ closest, with the name
in Order, not to mention the muggle born type… I know what it took you to save
me. I’ve got nothing to lose….. Whatever you want I will do…”
“I’m sorry to put you to danger Ms. Granger…” Hermione stood impatiently.
“I am in danger professor. Far protected for now than I was... Thanks to you.
But if there is anything I can do for you...”
“Remus was right...” she said. “ he told me you’ll say that”
“You are in contact with Remus..?” Hermione asked her doubts becoming true.
“The ministry knows isn’t it?”
“Not to the extent that they can be sure… or close enough to mean anything to
them” she said calmly.
“What’s going on?”
“He’s….. in trouble” McGonagall told quietly.
There was a silence that dragged for few seconds.
“Who..?” Hermione asked though she felt this is not Lupin, McGonagall was
talking about.
Some part of her froze with an unknown feeling crept in to her.
“Harry… Harry Potter” McGonagall sounded impatient again.
 
“….You knew where he was?” Hermione asked flatly unable to stop her accusing
tone.
But McGonagall knew how desperate she became with sudden departures of her two
friends…
“No. Not until very recent” Hermione felt her stepping near the older woman.
“Where….” Her tone was desperate.
“He’s…. he’s not well Ms. Granger” McGonagall said her voice almost a whisper.
“He needs someone to care for… I cannot ask Molly. It’s too risky… its’ better
if he stays here in Hogwarts…. But I cannot….”
“I will look after him” there was a demand in her tone. McGonagall looked at
her as if she was relieved for a moment but then her face grew grim.
“What’s wrong with him? Is he injured?” she asked feeling that alarmed
suddenly.
“no …..” the older woman sighed again. You’ll see… he’s in there”
McGonagall pointed towards a door which she did not see until now in dim light.
Hermione hesitated, is Harry here?… after almost two years of desperation to
find some news from the people who sent him to exile and being unsuccessful,….
she felt strange.
She walked to the door slowly and gripped the handle, feeling the metal cooler
than she expected. She entered… searching for the figure she so longed to see.
On the floor unpacking various scrolls, bottles and clothing from a magically
extended small bag, facing the wall, was a figure clad in black. His unruly jet
black hair was longer and messier than she had ever seen.
“Harry…”
***** 3. Distanced Words *****

Author's notes: In a world where everything's lost and manipulated Hermione
tries to hold on alone. She would have done anything to see her friends again.
But when the time comes will she be strong enough for her best friend, even to
watch him be torn apart?
===============================================================================
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is a property of J.K. Rowling
Warning: This story contains angst, violence, self harm and sexual situations.
RATED K+ /T FOR LATER CHAPTERS
A / N: this is my first story. If you think it isn't interesting, or nor worth
it I’m really sorry, because this is my first fan fiction writing. This is set
after half blood prince and deathly hollows never happened.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
“Harry…”
She felt her own voice echoing as a mere whisper in her head, yet the raven
haired figure facing the wall froze for a tiniest moment before turning to face
her. Hermione felt two familiar eyes gazing at her with un-sureness and a
nervousness she was not used to while facing her... or is it regret, she really
couldn’t tell.
His skin was pale, a colour that could not only reached by continuous staying
out of sun but repeated sleepless nights as well. The black cloths he wore
clashed inhumanly with his uncovered skin in face neck and hands... His raven
hair fell on to his forehead covering the legendary lightning bolt scar which
she was sure he had done by purpose. Dark circles under his eyes were visible
even behind his usual round framed spectacles. His eyes fixed on her. And she
looked at him without blinking as if afraid he might vanish to the thin air if
she did so. She felt her eyes fill as he gazed back at her dumb folded as she
was. But finally he spoke taking a step forward as if not sure he was doing the
right thing.
“Hermione’ he muttered ‘...it’s been long…”
he swallowed, but that was all she needed. She dragged her frozen feet to him,
and crashed on to him open armed drowning herself in a hug. He was lost to her
since so long, without any trace. He could have been anywhere, faced uttermost
horror of loneliness as she had or worse … but this was not the time to ask,
she knew.
She felt him stiffen with her sudden physical contact, but slowly his hands
came around her and she tightened her grip letting down tears of anguish of two
year pass down her cheeks silently.
She did not know how long they stayed like that but remembering McGonagalls’
words on Harry being not well, she straighten and stepped slightly back gazing
at his face clutching his hand by her, not yet ready to go.
 
‘Are you unwell?… professor McGonagall told ...’
‘I’m fine now’ he said getting his gaze to an expressionless calmness.
‘Mr. Potter..’ said McGonagall hastily reminding Hermione that their professor
was still there. There was a clear alarm in her voice, and a sternness that she
almost forgot that they were far from their Hogwarts years.
‘It is acceptable that you are concerned not to worry your friend, but delaying
the necessary messieurs that should be taken immediately ‘ ... ‘Professor…
please’
Harrys’ voice was suddenly tiresome as if he had been arguing for too long.
He let go of her hand clasping his face lightly, ‘you don’t have to worry …’
‘Not worry Mr. potter?... last night..’
‘Last night.. I was too tired,.. and my defenses were low… it won’t happen
again’..
he sounded irritated than tired as he cut the professors words short.
‘…I’ll see to that’
he said looking at Hermione before fixing his gaze on the floor with a sigh.
‘I hope you both will... .’ muttered McGonagall with a fixed gaze on Harry
before nodding her and leaving the room.
Hermione didn’t move an inch.
‘What was that?’ she asked smoothly not wanting to make the moment more
tiresome to Harry than it already was. Sooner or later she knew she had to get
in to the bottom of this.
Harry looked at her without turning his face from the downward direction.
There was something haunting in his emerald green, which, a part of her
suddenly trembled for a second seeing it.
‘Harry... .’ she felt it sounded as if she was unsure this was the real Harry,
who tried to live at its best not wallow in whatsoever miseries after the chaos
he faced in his fifth year at Hogwarts, who usually wore his heart on the
sleeve for his best friends.
 
‘Harry ..’ she tried again, drawing closer to him. He straightened as she stood
in front of her and looked past her. ‘what’s going on..?’
 
He turned sideways from her with a sigh, clutching the upper edge of his nose
between eyes. The long sleeve of his shirt dropped slightly down, revealing
rims of angry red cut marks around his wrist. Hermione froze. They did not seem
two days old. He sure was hiding them, and didn’t know that she saw.
‘Harry wha… ‘
‘Later.. ‘He said turning to her with a light smile which looked alien on his
face now. She opened her mouth to object but his whole attention turned to
her,.. she knew his eyes told that this is not the time.
She felt somewhat an invisible barrier between them as if they cannot touch
each others’ skin.
It was an awkward silence.
This was not the image she had of them,.. if they ever met. But the years they
spent apart was haunting them, behind closed doors of experiences they had to
endure without each other. It was their catastrophe in friendship, pushed to
them by the loss of their lives.
 
But in the end Harry broke the silence.
 
‘How are you doing Hermione?’ he asked as if she was the one who anyone should
be concerned about.
This wall should be broken.. She knew that much. She had to go smooth, giving
him time to reveal things in his own ground as always.
‘Me..? … not so bad.., if you consider isolation is bliss…’ she gave him a sad
smile. He kept his gaze unmoving at her. ‘It is... in a way’ she heard her
saying ‘but everything is turning to be a bad dream we cannot awake..hasn’t
it?’
‘How’s Ron?’
She sighed. ‘Coping up I guess, though Charlies’ death affected him badly, and
you going missing in the same time…’
she didn’t want to sound complaining. He had his own life to safeguard with a
mad man chasing around. ‘Bill said he is a bit frustrated lately..’
 
‘Can’t see why that is’ said Harry with a light smile though he couldn’t hide
the slight bitterness in the tone.
His eyes went to her dress, isn’t she overdressed to the occasion.. she
suddenly felt cold being reminded that she was not wearing her usual robe which
had come to a second nature to her.
‘You look …’ he looked at her lightly and Hermione wondered whether that is
just a mask he got used to. ‘What’s the occasion.. you look as if you are all
ready to graduate again..’
he asked casualness dragging too much in to it.
‘Slughorns’ put up a Christmas party… think McGonagall thought best way to
distract my absence around is to fake a presence there.. Though I did go there’
she went on. She told him about the meeting she had with Bill and Dean, and
their argument.
 
‘..Dean knew something was going on. He suspected your involvement because he’s
familiar with the presence of invisibility cloak… and he can’t be the only
one.’ She looked at him concerned.
‘They don’t know that I’m here’
he said with such a certainty and a coldness that Hermione didn’t know what to
say.
He looked at her ‘And this would be the last place they’ll look… isn’t it’ he
added in an apologizing tone as if he offended her.
‘who else knows I’m here?’
‘McGonagall you me.. and Lupin I guess..’ she said lightly not taking her eyes
off him.
Harry sighed as if he was tired, and sat on the bed looking at her leaning
forward and smiled sadly. Was it for the years they missed their friendship,
lives… or for the reason he had to abandon their struggle against the dark
side.. or was it because of the hopelessness he saw in every eye he looked in
to…? She couldn’t guess.
‘ ..Harry..’ she couldn’t stand this anymore.
This falseness between them is stretching to an extent where she hardly felt
this is her friend anymore… she sat down facing him, her left knee almost
touching his leg. Her hand clasped his, on the smooth bedspread. His skin was
cold as if he was out in the snow.
‘Where were you Harry?’
she couldn’t control the downright hurt and concern in her tone.
‘…I tried every single way… but no one knew… at least whether you were alright…
I could have lived with that’
.. She felt her tears pouring down her cheeks.. She couldn’t see Harrys’ face.
But suddenly harry moved, his head resting on her shoulder.
His eyes closed and he did not say a word. Hermione felt her tears fall free.
She raised her hand and rested her hand lightly on his cheek which felt cold as
his hand. He nestled to her as he was desperate for her warmth, as if it was
the only thing left for him in the world.
The silence flowing now was the unspoken words of emotion and warm friendship
which they had so longed, in front of the face of horrific malice destined for
their lives.
How long they stayed like that.. she didn’t know. She didn’t want this moment
to end. Yet suddenly Harry removed her hand from his face with a slight tremble
in his hand and got up, without looking back at her he walked to the washroom.
Hermione, watched his dropped head and slightly slumped shoulders in a stunned
silence. Still not looking at her he turned the handle opening it and paused.
‘….see you tomorrow Hermione’ His voice was controlled, and strained.
Harry disappeared behind the door.
***** 4 Silent Scream *****

Author's notes: as Hermione considers, has their friendship become distanced..
or is there more that she doesn't know... what had harrys' live turned in to in
reality..
===============================================================================
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is a property of J.K. Rowling. All rights received by
her and others who do. This is just a fanfiction….
Special warning!! : This chapter contains graphical violence, torture and
sexual situations. RATED - T. If you are very sensitive please heed the
warnings. This is no fluff story.
And others.. Well hope this chapter takes a further step to the story. Not
fully but you might get an idea of the situation Harrys’ truly in.
A / N: this is my first story. If you think it isn't interesting, or nor worth
it I’m really sorry, because this is my first fan fiction writing. This is set
after half blood prince and deathly hollows never happened. Please do
comment….. I would love to hear what you think
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
 
Hermione heard the lock being pulled slowly after much time the door closed.
She sat, still frozen by her friends’ sudden detachment and swing of mood.
After waiting for good long minutes in confusion, and realizing Harry won’t be
coming back,
she stood up slowly leaving the room from the same door she entered.
As she entered to the sitting room which clearly symbolized the Gryffindor
common room she found a waiting McGonagall with a worried face. She explained
that Dumbledores’ suite was feudalized with advanced magic and that it can only
be reached by Hermione’s’ and her own office doors. And that all she had to do
was to go to the door and say the incarnation, ‘oculars revealo’ and imagine
the person she’s about to see.
Hermione listened to the headmistress speak as in a dream. She felt still
stunned by the sudden appearance of her friend and the aloofness of their
connection.
She had hoped and dreamed of a reunion as if her life depended on it. But as
she got her wish she did not expect a wall of uncertainty and unfamiliarity
built amidst them. Closeness she was used to have with him seemed to have
turned in to a distance which she cannot reason out.
She came to her rooms and changed to her pajamas after a long sulking shower
and got under her warm covers. But she knew sleep was just too far away for her
now.
****************************************************************
 
Closing the door behind him Harry slid down to the floor. His vision swayed
with a grey smoke filling his brain. No! He thought franticly.
He hit his head backwards lightly. Focus… he told himself and willed his eyes
to admire the green marble bathroom in front of him. But the grey smoke was
overpowering his already weakened emotional state. He felt his mind fill out in
a fear. No..
He effortly dragged out his wand from the pocket and forced his swamp feet to
support him reach up, locking the door. He muttered the silencing spell with
whatever strength that is left and slid down again. His scar shot with a pain
paralyzing him. He dropped the wand which rolled away from him with a dull
sound. The grey smoke filled in his head choking his breath. He whimpered
clutching his agonizing head by both hands. Forcing him to try a one last time
he hit the head with all the strength left .. but it was no use. As the grey
smoke blinded him he felt warm wetness slide down his neck. He gave in… and the
smoke exploded.
The grey shades started to fade filling him with a damp coldness and a
throbbing scar. His skin was naked and blue cold air reminded him of his
vulnerability touching every single inch of his body. He was bound to a hard
stone bed with his hands dragged down and feet spread. He closed his eyes
before his vision cleared. Harry knew where he was…. his hell.
 
‘Tsk..tsk..tsk…. not happy to see me Harry?’ the high pitched voice reeked
sarcasm just inches away from him. Harry felt the breath touch his face with
the each word. He tightened his eyes as hard as he could knowing if he opened
them he would gaze in to a pair of red eyes which held the utter horror he was
about to face. A colder hand with piercing nails touched his face threatening
to slit his skin open. He suppressed his agony with a strained groan as the
cold finger touched his lips. And then it was gone.
 
‘Look at me’ the breath felt closer. His bile rose up with the familiar smell
of cold dampness. He snapped his head to the right as he felt a wet slick
tongue creep through his jaw line. He couldn’t stop the protesting whimper came
from his thought as the tongue snaked around left of his face rubbing him in
saliva.
A hand gripped his hair forcefully. He struggled as his attacker slithered down
his neck not being able to keep his vision blocked anymore.
‘Welcome back Harry.. .’ said Voldemort rising his head up from his prays’
skin. ‘Would you like to continue from the point we stopped yesterday?’ he
ghosted his nails on the flawless chest tickling the cold harden nipples. ‘Get
away from me’ Harry breathed trying to push away the memories of pain which was
pressed in to his mind.
He tired to ignore the unwanted touch his enemy was forcing on him.
‘….tsk..tsk ..wrong answer Harry…’ Voldemort said with a coldness slithering
his hand further down. ‘I thought we made it clear that you do not process any
authority here..’
Harry struggled as the nails scrape down his privates. He arched back groaning,
knowing he could not protest anything that had been done to him.
Voldemort grinned with sarcasm and retrieved his hand. ‘Seems you need a
reminder every time boy…’ he raised his hand lazily and waved in front of him
with a swish.
An invisible red hot wire fell on Harrys’ skin, burning him in face abdomen and
thighs. He struggled in his binds in hands and feet letting them cut in to his
skin not being able to take the burning wire touching and dancing on his skin,
emanating the smell of burnt flesh… his own flesh. He did not know how long
Voldemort kept it on him, and he didn’t know when it was removed. The burns on
his skin saw to that. He was left with a sob that he so tried to hold on to at
the beginning. He could not remember when he lost control.
He was dragged again to his reality from the pain he was withering by a dead
cold grip on his jaws. He suddenly came aware of the cold slithery hissing
laugh from the bottom of the stone bed he was bound. ‘Can I start master’ said
the slithery hiss. Nagini. Harry gazed emptily at the red eyes above him
ignoring the painful grip Voldemort was holding to him.
‘Eager is she not…’ he sniggered. ‘ but you know…you can stop this play Harry
…’ said the cold lipless mouth releasing the grip to a soothing touch.
‘Surrender .. tell me where you are, and this will stop’.
‘And you’ll leave me in peace?’ sniggered Harry through his pain. ‘you can
break my skin here Tom but only in your fantas..y’. Before Harry could brace
himself he was backhanded with such a force that his neck crippled for seconds.
His upper lip split.
But before he could recover his scalp was dragged harshly upwards with a
tearing grip on the hair.
‘This is nothing but your reality ...boy. I already won this battle. It is only
matter of time that I claim what is already mine. I can promise you a clean
quick end but if you prefer the hard way, I shall grant your wish my little
pet’.
Voldemort laughed harshly and released Harrys’ head to drop backwards. ‘you may
Nagini’ he hissed walking few feet back but still remaining on a length to see
his preys’ tortured face.
Harry felt than heard the giant snake slither up the stone bed by his feet. His
whole body tensed as it crept on his skin wrapping around the right leg. The
burnt skin flamed up welling helpless tears in his eyes as the pebbly snake
skin rubbed on them. Harry shivered and whimpered as Nagini slinked around his
intimate places and let his blood flow freely in wrists and ankles as it
slithered through his spread legs. But he forced him to silence with all his
might, knowing his enemy’s’ whole attention is on him.
 
Nagini stopped moving as it coiled herself on his thighs and privates, facing
him with a rose head. Harry looked at the snake emptily. He knew what she was
about to do. And he knew that he could do nothing about it or how he would
react to it.
‘Give in boy’ he heard a hiss but couldn’t make out if it’s the snake or its’
master. He wanted to say no. and wanted to say it harsh but instead closed his
eyes.
 
Nothing would have prepared him to what came next. Not the effortly mastered
occlumency nor his skill nor Gryffindor courage. As Nagini forced down in speed
at his abdomen biting hard and deeper to his flesh, he screamed as deep as her
fangs went in to him. The blood poured out as he felt poisonous venom run
through his blood veins. He sobbed openly as it bit the same wound over and
over letting his tears fall freely. He wanted to stop feeling, he wanted to be
unconscious. But he knew it would not come.
And then Nagini paused, leaving him with a muscle wrenching pain with bloody
wounds. He moaned in pain with all his strength drained.
Voldemort drew near him with a cruel hunger in his eyes.
‘give in boy.. no need to suffer when you already lost your side’. Harry
effortly turned his face with shaking shoulders and ragged breaths and spit out
the blood that filled his mouth, by his own bitten lips, as forcefully as he
could.
 
In the next instant Nagini bit down the other side of his abdomen, tearing its
flesh apart, but this time she did not pause but began to tear him one after
another for a longest time Harry ever suffered.
Lost all his sight, voice, even breath he thrashed with whatever the freedom
given by the binds. He hit his head while feeling the bile rise up to his
thought.
 
Harry threw up face down to the green marble floor heaving helplessly. His face
was damp and more tears flowed freely as he retched with whatever he had eaten
in the day. After there was nothing left he heaved on his own breath for
suffocating moments before dragging his battered body away from the mess he had
created in the once shiny bathroom. His whole body drenched in sweat as his
clothes were plastered to his skin.
 
Along with the wound behind his head with drying blood his forehead now
suffered another crack with leaking blood drops, which he was sure, had
resulted by his thrashing around the bathroom floor. And he was also sure that,
this physical wound had dragged him out from his minds’ hell.
The wounds which had made him choke, moments before were gone. He absently
touched his abdomen under his sweat damped shirt and whimpered curling in to a
ball in a corner on the floor.
Smell of vomit and sweat making his head sway, he lay there as alone as he was,
since the cold days he remembered.
 
*************************************************
 
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