Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/630318.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Glee
  Relationship:
      Blaine_Anderson/Kurt_Hummel, Kurt/Original_Male_Character, Blaine/Other
      (s)
  Character:
      Blaine_Anderson, Kurt_Hummel
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-12-02 Completed: 2013-04-24 Chapters: 31/31 Words: 193226
****** Carry Your Shame ******
by adiwriting
Summary
     Kurt's spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He's
     never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for
     the National Team and McKinley's Golden Boy. When the boys fall for
     each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things
     even love can't fix—like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend
     are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to
     be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what
     everyone else is trying to turn them into?
***** Chapter 1 *****
Kurt loaded his books into his locker as he watched Finn’s retreating back. Of
course his step-brother wasn’t going to walk him to class. He had more
important things to do than babysit Kurt. Of course Kurt was going to be stuck
at this new school all by himself, he didn’t know why he thought it would be
different this time.
At least you’re away from Karofsky, Kurt reminded himself. He hadn’t told his
father why he’d been so eager to move to Lima after the marriage so that they
could live with Carole and Finn. Kurt hadn’t told anybody. The kiss was
something entirely traumatizing and horrifying, and after the death threat, he
never intended to share it with anybody. Not that anyone would listen to him,
the kids at his old school never paid him any mind. The only time anyone had
talked to him was to make fun of him.
He was better off at McKinley. He could start over here—with or without Finn’s
help.
Kurt glanced at his schedule and the accompanying map that the secretary had
given him this morning. He had been able to sign up for almost all of the same
classes he had been enrolled at in at Hamilton High with the exception of
Fashion Design. It was the only class that he enjoyed and now he wouldn’t be
able to spend an hour each day escaping behind soft fabrics, bold designs and
the oddly soothing sounds of scissors and sewing machines.
It would be alright though. Carole had told him McKinley had a Glee Club. Finn
was already a part of it and Kurt could join. He’d been too scared to join the
choir at his old school, too worried about standing out. All of that could
change for him. He could finally sing like he’d always wanted to and maybe if
he was lucky, he could shine without being tormented for it. His brother was
the quarterback of the football team, that had to count for something right?
Kurt made his way down the busy hallway in search of his chemistry classroom.
Everyone seemed to be moving in the opposite direction of him, but Kurt assumed
that was probably normal. They must just have class in the other wing, he
double checked the map and knew that he was headed in the right direction.
Only, when he reached the classroom, he was surprised to see all the lights
were off and nobody was inside.
He looked around the hallway, but it was deserted. All of the other classrooms
seemed to be empty as well. Maybe he’d read the schedule wrong, perhaps the
school ran on some sort of block scheduling. Though, he was sure the secretary
would have mentioned it if they did. He made his way back out to the main
hallway, hoping there would be somebody that appeared approachable enough to
ask.
Kurt stood on the steps of the stairs, overwhelmed by the crowd. Everyone was
yelling and calling out to each other loudly. Kids ran off in search of friends
while other groups of students huddled around lockers, laughing and telling
jokes. He knew that he would have to ask somebody what was going on if he ever
wanted to make it to his classes today. He just didn’t know who. Everybody
seemed busy and surrounded by a bunch of people. He didn’t really feel like
introducing himself to six people at a time, he was barely comfortable
introducing himself to one person.
Damn, he wished Finn hadn’t abandoned him.
Kurt jumped as a boy, slightly shorter than him, walked past. He was wearing
high water jeans with boat shoes and a red, form-fitting polo. It wasn’t the
high end fashion Kurt was currently sporting, but it was certainly light years
ahead of what anyone else at this school dressed in. Kurt reached out his hand,
hoping that he’d finally found somebody that would be willing to help him.
“Excuse me,” Kurt said, tapping the boy on his shoulder. Kurt’s voice sounded
nervous. He wasn’t used to talking a lot, not at school at least. Not when a
teacher wasn’t calling on him.
The boy stopped and turned around, a little startled before looking Kurt up and
down appraisingly and smiling brightly. Kurt was caught off guard by the boys
bright hazel eyes that looked so warm and welcoming. He couldn’t help but blush
at the way the stranger was watching him so openly, not a hint of malice in his
stare.
“Yes?” the boy said, a hint of playful teasing behind it. For the first time,
Kurt wasn’t afraid of the joking, he wasn’t worried about getting shoved into a
locker for looking the wrong way or saying the wrong thing. This felt almost
friendly.
“Can I ask you a question, I’m new here?” Kurt asked, this time with more
confidence.
The man tilted his head at him for a second before holding out his hand to
Kurt.
“My name is Blaine,” he said.
“Kurt.” He took his hand and shook it, careful not to hold on too long. He
didn’t want to give the boy the wrong impression. Although, if the way he kept
looking to Kurt’s white jeans was any indication, maybe Kurt didn’t have to
worry about that.
“Um…” Kurt cleared his throat trying to regain control of the conversation and
stop picturing what it would be like to walk down the hall holding his soft,
well-manicured hand. “So what exactly is going on?”
“The first swim meet of the year is today,” Blaine said with a roll of his
eyes, like it should be obvious. “We’re having a pep rally. Tends to shut the
school down.”
“Wait, so your swim team here is cool?” Kurt asked, surprised. At his old
school, the swimmers were at the bottom of the barrel of jocks. Football ran
the school in the fall and Basketball ran the school for the rest of the year.
McKinley was certainly a strange place.
“Our football team hasn’t won a championship in fourteen years,” Blaine
explained with an easy laugh that Kurt could feel himself falling in love with.
He could already picture them strolling through Central Park, Blaine laughing
effortlessly as their future daughter learned to ride a bike. Blaine grabbed
onto his hand and pulled him down the rest of the stairs to make way for a
fresh crowd of people. Kurt’s entire arm tingled at the contact.
“Our swimmers win state every year and last year, one of our swimmers even won
nationals,” Blaine finished with an easy smile.
Kurt nodded like he understood, but he wasn’t quite sure he did. What kind of
school worshiped swimmers and didn’t care about football? If they didn’t care
about football, did that mean that all the security Kurt had been dreaming
about having thanks to Finn being a quarterback was out the window, too?
“Come on, New Kid,” Blaine said. “I’ll walk you to the gym.”
They walked down the hallway, Kurt looking around and taking in the new
surroundings. Posters line the walls in various shades of red, black, and white
exclaiming that the Titans Rock!
When they reached the gym, the crowd of people became much more intense, but
Blaine kindly pushed people aside with a polite excuse me. He pulled Kurt along
until they were through the doors and he led them behind the bleachers where
only a few students were, smoking, setting up A/V equipment or making out. They
easily made it to the other side of the gym where Blaine stopped and stood
beside the bleachers where the crowd was much less dense.
It was incredibly loud, much louder that the hallways had been, with the entire
school in one room. A stage was in the center where cheerleaders were currently
performing an impressively athletic routine. Kurt turned to ask Blaine a
question, but stopped when he noticed him talking to an Asian couple. He took a
moment to appreciate the ease with which Blaine talked to people. The
confidence he had moving around. He seemed so sure of himself, Kurt wished he
could be more like that.
If he was gay—and really, he’d just been holding Kurt’s hand—he wondered how
Blaine managed to not be more self-conscious. Did the people at this school
just not care? Or was Blaine just that unaffected by it all?
Once Blaine was finished talking to the couple, he turned back to Kurt, still
wearing that effortless smile.
“Kind of crazy, right?” he asked.
Kurt nodded, it was certainly more than he’d ever seen his old school do. The
cheerleaders finished up their routine and a black woman with platinum dyed
short hair took to the stage with a microphone and started listing all of the
swim team’s accomplishments the last year.
“So you enjoy watching swimming then?” Kurt had to shout to be heard over the
noise.
Blaine turned to him with a slightly condescending smile, before throwing his
head back and laughing. Kurt wanted to be upset, but his brain was too busy
short-circuiting at Blaine’s suddenly exposed neck.
“Oh no,” Blaine leaned in to say into his hear. Kurt told himself that it was
only to be heard over the noise. That the way Blaine was leaning in and
touching his shoulder wasn’t meant to be a come on. “I don’t watch swimming.”
The woman, who had declared herself to be Coach Roz, begun announcing this
year’s swim team and called the boys to the stage after stating their greatest
achievements. The cheerleaders did a little cheer for each swimmer and the
crowd seemed genuinely excited at the call of each name. Once there were about
fifteen boys on the stage, Coach Roz started talking about the star of the
team. He held the state record for men’s 200 freestyle, the 100 backstroke, and
the 500 freestyle.
As Coach Roz was listing all of these achievements, Kurt watched Blaine take
off his bag. He moved to place it on the ground, before thinking better of it
and putting it over Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt’s heart sped up as Blaine smoothed
the lines out of his shirt that the strap created. His hand lingered longer
than it probably should have. Kurt holds his breath as Blaine leaned in to
whisper into his ear.
“Hold that for me, will you?” he asked. Kurt was not really sure what was going
on, or why he had to hold Blaine’s bag, but he did so gladly.
Coach Roz continued listing achievements and the way she made it sound, it was
like Michael Phelps went to this school. Kurt wondered who on Earth this kid
was. Last year, he went to state for eight different events and took gold in
six of them, silver in two. He’s set to break his previous records and shatter
a few more. He’s McKinley’s own Blaine Anderson.
Blaine begins walking out into the middle of the gym as the cheerleaders do a
special routine just for him.
Of course he’s a swimmer. Of course the boy Kurt instantly started crushing on
was the most popular boy in school and he had zero shot with him. Absolutely
none. Of course, Blaine had asked him to hold his bag rather suggestively. He
had looked Kurt up and down before he’d introduced himself, so maybe hope
wasn’t lost.
“Stop right there, Lady Lips,” a bigger girl, wearing a headset while carrying
a walkie talkie said to him
“Excuse me?” Kurt asked, doing a double take. He knows this girls isn’t talking
to him. Her striped sweatshirt only serves to make her look bigger and the
leggings with skirt look isn’t even in this season if it ever really was in to
begin with. If she’s going to start insulting him, he’s got plenty to say.
“I know that look,” she said, somewhat sympathetically. If this girl could ever
be called sympathetic, she looked like she could crush a semi with her bare
hands. “Just stop now before you’re in too deep.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kurt responded with a slight blush,
glancing back up at the stage where Blaine and his team are currently leading
the school in their school song.
“You’re crushing on Anderson,” she says with a pitying laugh. “You’ve already
planned your wedding and named your twin girls.”
“I have not,” Kurt said defensively. She was completely wrong, except he knew
she wasn't completely wrong.
She gave him a knowing look before turning to yell into her walkie, “No, you
completely worthless idiots, the yellow cord gets plugged into the yellow hole.
Are you color blind or just stupid?”
“Sorry,” she said turning her attention back to him. “President of the A/
V Club. I’m Lauren. But you can call me Zizes.”
“Kurt,” he said, nervously. He wasn’t exactly sure he wanted her knowing his
name. She was rather intimidating, but he wasn’t at a point he could really
turn down friends.
“So, is Blaine gay?” He asked. If they were suddenly going to be friends, he
might as well get all the information he could.
She burst into hysterical laughter, shaking her head back and forth manicly.
She had to hold onto his shoulder just to keep from falling over.
“Oh, Cullen,” she said.
“Kurt,” he hurried to correct her, growing irritated.
“I know, but you look like Edward Cullen with that pale skin and gravity
defying hair, so I’m going to call you Cullen. Take my advice. Don’t bother
with that one. It’s a lost cause.”
Kurt felt his heart sink at her words. Of course Blaine wasn’t gay. He was the
most popular kid in school. Hadn’t Kurt learned anything by his completely
inappropriate crush on Finn last year? He needed to stop trying to find love
while he was in high school, it was never going to happen. Until he could get
himself to a performing arts school in New York, there was no chance in hell he
would ever find somebody to be interested in him.
***** Chapter 2 *****
After the pep rally finished, everyone started making their way out towards
class. It was currently fifth period, Kurt’s lunch, so he made no move to
leave. He still had Blaine’s bag and if he went out in this crowd, he’d never
be able to find him. 

“So you’re a swimmer,” Kurt said once Blaine’s smiling face came into view. 

“Are you impressed or silently judging me?” Blaine teased, making Kurt laugh. 

“A little bit of both?” He retorted, hoping he didn’t sound terribly awkward. 

“Yeah, well it’s something my dad made me start doing when I was six and I
ended up being really good at it,” Blaine explained. “It seems a waste to quit
now.”

“So you don’t like it then?” Kurt asked, curious. 

Blaine’s eyes darted around nervously at Kurt’s words before he turned to him
and said, “What, I love swimming. Are you kidding me?”

“Of course,” Kurt responded, not sure what it was about the tone in Blaine’s
voice, but Kurt didn’t believe him for one second. 

At that moment, he seemed to remember that he still had Blaine’s bag, so he
pulled it over his head and handed it back to him. 

“Ah, thanks,” Blaine said, putting it on. “Wouldn’t have been good to forget
that. I’ve got History next and while Coach Roz might love me in the pool,
she’s a horror to have in class.”

“She seems a bit intense,” Kurt added, thinking back on how she’d gone on and
on about her bronze Olympic medal and how nobody thought a black woman would
ever be able to swim. 

“You have no idea,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “We don’t win state
championships every year for nothing.”

“Well, I guess you probably need to get to class,” Kurt said when he noticed
the gym had emptied out. “Wouldn’t want the dragon lady on your case for being
late.” 

Blaine looked around, too. He seemed surprised that everyone had already left,
and almost disappointed? That couldn’t be it. Blaine was the most popular kid
in school. He couldn’t honestly be enjoying talking to Kurt enough to not want
to leave. 

“Right,” Blaine said. “The War of 1812 awaits.” 

“Sounds riveting,” Kurt deadpanned. 

Blaine smiled at him and paused for a second, really appraising him before he
opened his gorgeous mouth again to speak. 

“I’m going to take you out for coffee later,” Blaine said, not asking him,
telling him. Kurt was startled yet turned on by Blaine’s confidence. 

“Don’t you have a meet to go to?” Kurt asked, surprised that his tongue was
working so well when his brain couldn’t seem to get past the fact that this
incredibly handsome, athletic boy was asking him out for coffee. Straight or
not, Kurt couldn’t help but imagine how soft Blaine’s lips would feel when they
kissed for the first time. 

“You’re not going to stay and watch my meet?” Blaine stuck out his bottom lip
in a pout that could have convinced Kurt to rob a bank, move to Alabama, and
join the KKK. 

“Yeah,” Kurt said, sounding oddly breathless. “Right. I’ll be there.” 

“Perfect.”

With that, Blaine turned around and walked out of the gym, giving Kurt ample
opportunity to take in the wonder that was Blaine’s ass in those pants.
Monuments could be made out of it. He was like one of those Greek statues. Kurt
thanked whatever American Apparel designer had made his hipster outfit. He was
never into the high water style, but they deserved every award for designing
those pants and selling them to Blaine. Even his shirt was perfection in how it
hugged his chest and stretched to the max, barely containing his muscles. 

That was it. Kurt was completely infatuated with this boy. 

****

Kurt went through the rest of his day feeling like he was walking on clouds.
Sure there was the usual stress of being a new kid. He struggled to find his
classrooms in time. Worried about who he would sit with at lunch and if anyone
would be his partner in class. Overall though, none of that seemed to touch him
like he thought it would. 

Kurt Hummel was going to coffee with Blaine Anderson. 

Kurt was going to coffee with the only other boy in school that didn’t dress in
flannel and look like a shorter version of Finn. Even though his hopes of
dating Blaine had been pretty much crushed thanks to Lauren, he was excited at
the prospect of at least having a friend. 

A sexy, mouth watering, make you want to believe in God so that you could thank
him for making such a beautiful creature, friend. 

“So I’ve got Glee practice after school, dude,” Finn said to him after the last
class let out for the day. They were standing by their lockers, three doors
down from each other and putting away the books that they wouldn’t be taking
home. “You’re going to have to either take the bus home or come back to pick me
up.”

“You can take the car,” Kurt said, tossing Finn the keys. “I’ve got plans.”

“Plans?” Finn looked at him with that confused face he got most of the time
whenever Kurt talked to him. It was like Kurt wasn’t speaking English. 

“Yes, Finn, plans,” Kurt said with a pained roll of his eyes. 

“But you don’t… I thought you didn’t know anybody here?” 

“Yes, well, I’m going to watch the swim meet,” Kurt said quickly, ducking his
head into his locker so Finn wouldn’t see how bad he was blushing. 

“Do you even like swimming?” Finn asked. 

Kurt pulled his head out of his locker and slammed the door, glaring at his
step-brother. 

“Yes, I like swimming, Finn,” he said, growing annoyed. He hated the tone Finn
always got whenever it was revealed that Kurt was capable of more than just
singing show tunes and obsessing over McQueen. “I like swimming. I can put
together a car engine faster than you can say the alphabet. I watch Ice Road
Truckers with my dad. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“It’s not, Jesus,” Finn groaned, throwing his hands up in surrender. “I’m
sorry.” 

“Just tell my dad that I won’t be home for dinner,” Kurt said, storming off in
search of the pool and leaving Finn behind completely flabbergasted. 

It wasn’t that Kurt didn’t like Finn. He had a special place in his heart for
the giant oaf. Somewhere, deep, deep down it was there. It was just awkward for
them. They had first met during freshman year when Carole had been driving home
from her parent’s house in Louisville and her car had broken down. She called
for a tow and Burt had shown up to help. They’d been in love ever since. 

Kurt had fallen for Finn almost instantly. At first, he had seemed like a
really cool, understanding guy. He’d stood up for Kurt when he’d come to visit
Lima for the weekend and some stupid boys at the mall tried to throw a Slurpee
at him. Kurt had tried so hard to get Finn to notice him, but he’d been head
over heels for some blonde cheerleader instead. Everything had been fine until
Carole and Finn tried to move in with them at the end of freshman year. Kurt
and Finn had to share a room and there had been a big blow up when Kurt
redecorated the room and Finn didn’t like it. 

The word had been said. Burt had kicked Finn out of the house over them and
Carole and Finn moved back to Lima. Though their parents managed to stay
together through it all, Kurt and Finn had never quite been the same since. It
was better now. They each had their own room and seemed to get along on a
surface level. However, Kurt would never forget the word that had been said.
Finn seemed truly sorry for them and Kurt honestly believed they’d been said
out of ignorance and not hate, but still. He didn’t know what he’d ever seen in
him. He was an idiot. A big, sloppy, lovable idiot. Nice enough to talk to, but
not somebody Kurt could hold a serious conversation with for longer than five
minutes. 

He located the pool and found a seat at the top of the bleachers, out of
everyone else’s way. Here he would have full view of the pool and he wouldn’t
have to worry about anyone sneaking up behind him and pushing him down, as had
been known to happen at his old school. The stands were fairly full and Kurt
had no problem locating the crowd of popular kids. There were several
cheerleaders mixed in with other girls in short skirts and low-cut tops. Jocks
in lettermen’s jackets were there, too, as well as an entire row of shirtless
boys who had painted their chests red and black to read Titans. 

Kurt felt like he was in the middle of a John Hughes movie. The scene was just
so stereotypical high school, and here he was, all sad and lonely hoping for
the popular boy to notice him. It was a bit sad, really. Kurt stood up to
leave, not wanting to have to compete for Blaine’s attention against all
of that, when the swimmers came out. Kurt had to admit, the warm-ups did
nothing for Blaine’s figure, but that smile he wore? The one that he directed
at the opposing school because he knew that he was going to win? That cocky
smile? That did things for Kurt. 

He immediately sat back down, all thoughts of leaving erased from his mind. 

He was instantly rewarded for his decision, when Blaine unzipped his jacket and
revealed his near perfect abs to the world. Kurt was sure that he was drooling
by this point. Blaine even had that V-line that disappeared into his waistband
that models always had, the line that Kurt knew had a proper name, but he’d
never stopped ogling magazine pictures long enough to find out. 

Suddenly, he understood this school’s fascination with swimming. Kurt was the
new president of the Swim Team Fan Club. He would have the T-shirts made up by
tomorrow and their logo would be a picture of Blaine Anderson’s chest in that
swimsuit. He was making a Tumblr page dedicated to Blaine’s abs and that ass
tonight and he was positive it would have thousands of followers by the
morning. He would forevermore ship Blaine with swimming. 

Goodbye Taylor Lautner. Kurt had a new fantasy and it was starring Blaine
Anderson.

Kurt looked around slyly; making sure nobody was paying him any attention and
quickly pulled out his phone. He was in the middle of pretending to text, but
really opening up Instagram so he could forever have this moment to look back
on, when Lauren showed up and sat down next to him. 

“Baby boy, I told you not to do this,” she said with an amused smirk. 

“He’s gorgeous,” Kurt said, dreamily. It was useless to try and pretend he
wasn’t head over heels. Lauren could see right through him. 

“Yes, well what do you expect? He spends twenty hours a week in a pool.”

“It’s just not fair, how does somebody like that live in Ohio?” he whined,
surprised by how suddenly the two of them have fallen into a friendship. 

“Because God likes to torture us with men we can never have,” she said, with a
far off look of her own. 

“Who is he?” Kurt asked, instantly recognizing her expression. 

“Puckerman,” she said with a deep sigh. When Kurt gave her a blank look, she
continued. “The one with the Mohawk.”

“Oh,” he said, spotting the boy she was talking about. He had that bad boy look
about him and Kurt could see his appeal. If he was into the whole bad boy
thing, he would totally be crushing on that. “Have you ever talked to him?”

“Talked to him?” She laughed like it was the stupidest thing she had ever
heard. “Shit, we made out in a janitor’s closet two weeks ago.” 

“Okay,” he said confused. “So what’s the problem?”

“Guys like that? They don’t fall for people like us long,” she explained. “You
don’t just give yourself away to people like that.” 

“Guys with Mohawks?”

“The popular kids,” she sighed. “For every one of us that catches their
attention for five minutes, there’s at least ten cheerleaders behind you
waiting to steal back to the land of high school parties and prom queens.” 

Kurt bit his lip, knowing that she was right, before turning back to watch the
meet begin. He had never paid that much attention to swimming, unless you
counted watching the Olympics in 2008. Everyone with a TV had paid attention to
swimming then when Michael Phelps was winning every gold medal possible. Kurt
didn’t know a lot about the sport, but luckily there wasn’t much to get. Blaine
entered the pool and if he was the first boy to touch the wall, he won. 

Boy did Blaine win. He won every race he entered. Kurt was actually impressed
with the speed he had when moving through the water. He was even more impressed
with watching him get out of the water. Watching as he took his swim cap off
between races and let his curly hair go free from the gel he’d had in it
earlier. Watching as water trickled down his back until it was absorbed into
the fabric of his swimsuit. 

“Close your mouth, Cullen,” she said, reaching over to do it for him. “Don’t
want him to know he’s got you.” 

“But he’s straight,” Kurt defended himself, even though he knew she was right.
“What does it matter?”

She just nodded and laughed, giving him the sense that he was missing something
rather obvious. 

After the meet, Kurt said goodbye to Lauren and waited in the stands for Blaine
to come back out of the locker room. He got nervous when a few of the popular
kids glanced his way, but they left him alone, deciding that he wasn’t worth
their time. Less than ten minutes later, Blaine was hurrying out to meet him.
He got stopped talking to a few of the cheerleaders that had come, but he
quickly brushed them off and took the stairs two at a time until he was
standing right above him. 

“Ready to get out of here?” Blaine asked, holding out his hand to help Kurt
up. 

He nodded and they made their way out into the parking lot, Blaine taking the
lead since Kurt didn’t know what Blaine’s car looked like or where he’d even
parked. They approached a 2012 red Lexus IS F. Kurt scoffed as Blaine unlocked
the doors. This was a sixty thousand dollar car, what exactly did Blaine’s
parents do that they could buy their son a brand new luxury car? 

Now Kurt knew he was definitely in the middle of a John Hughes movie. He kept
expecting some director somewhere to yell cut when he didn’t deliver some witty
one-liner at the sight of the car. 

“You drive this?” Kurt asked, climbing into the passenger seat. 

“My dad got it for me after I qualified for the Junior Olympics this summer,”
Blaine explained sounding slightly bitter. “He likes it when I uphold the
Anderson family name.”

Kurt didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything as Blaine started the
car. The second the car revved to life, hip-hop music started blaring from the
speakers at a deafening level and some rapper began talking about slapping a
ho’s ass. Blaine immediately started fumbling around until the CD finally
ejected. 

“I’m sorry,” Blaine said, blushing profusely. “Puck drove with me this morning
and I let him pick the music.” 

Kurt nodded his head amused, noting that Blaine was really adorable when he
blushed. He looked so much younger than he usually did, much more vulnerable
from his regular, put together facade. 

Blaine played around with the navigation screen until Pandora came up and he
selected a Top 40 station for them to listen to. Once the cool sounds of Maroon
5 came over the speakers and a much quieter volume, Blaine seemed much more
relaxed. 

“So coffee,” Blaine said, nodding to him to make sure that he was still alright
with their plan for the afternoon. Kurt nodded. Blaine pulled out of the
parking lot and started driving east, away from the center of town where most
of the shops where. 

“Where are we going?” Kurt asked, settling back into his seat until he was
comfortable. 

“Just over to Wapakoneta,” Blaine explained. “It’s a small little town and they
have this really cool coffee shop. It’s much nicer to hang out in than the Lima
Bean.” 

“Right,” Kurt said as if he knew that already. He didn’t know much about Lima,
except for the places that Carole took him whenever he’d visited with his dad. 

“I won’t lead you astray,” Blaine teased, wearing a smile that looked
effortless. It was much more natural than the one he’d worn at school.
“Relax.” 

“Let me see your iPod,” Kurt asked, holding out his hand. He was never good at
small talk, but he could talk about music for hours on end. If he could just
find something he and Blaine had in common, it would make this entire excursion
much easier to manage for Kurt. 

“Woah, at least buy me dinner first,” Blaine joked, but handed over his phone
with little argument. Kurt felt a warm tingle at that. He knew how personal
phones were to kids. It made him smile to think that Blaine would give his up
so easily without even a seconds thought. Kurt could have done anything with
his phone, go through text messages or emails, but Blaine didn’t seem worried. 

Kurt pulled up his iTunes and began scrolling through all of his songs. He was
pleased to see that Blaine hadn’t been lying before. He wasn’t into gangster
rap, though he did have a few Kanye songs along with Nicki Minaj and Will
Smith. Kurt didn’t think anyone could count ‘Gettin’ Jiggy With It’ or ‘Super
Bass’ as real rap though. Blaine actually had a wide range of songs, from Adele
to the score from ‘Up’. He had the Original Broadway Cast Recording of Wicked,
the entire ‘Born This Way’ album, Bon Iver, Kelly Clarkson, Michael Jackson’s
entire catalog, the list went on and on. 

“I’ve never had anyone look through my music before,” Blaine said after a few
minutes of silence, P!nk playing softly in the background. “It’s strange.”

“You can tell a lot about a person by the music they have,” Kurt said, his eyes
not leaving the screen. 

“And what does my music say about me?” Blaine asked with an anxious note to
it. 

He hummed in responded, continuing to be surprised by each new find. “It’s hard
to tell.”

Blaine had started to say something else before Kurt cut him off with an
excited squeak. 

“Oh my God, you’ve got ‘Woman King.’” Kurt looked over to Blaine with a mixture
of awe and wonder.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine apologized, clearly not sure how to read Kurt’s reaction. 

“Mary, carry your shame well past all those eyes across the avenue,” Kurt sang
the words to one of his favorite songs of the moment. “Fish heads running from
rain, you know I’ll do anything you want me to.”

“Lamp oil lovers may say, freedom hangs like heaven over everyone,” Blaine
joined in, finishing the verse with Kurt. He was pleasantly surprised to find
out that Blaine had a smooth voice. 

“I’m kind of surprised that you know that song,” Blaine said, giving him a
strange look. “You didn’t strike me as the kind to listen to songs regarding
religion, even if it’s not exactly a positive take.” 

“It’s not about the religious aspect to me,” Kurt explained with an easy sense
of assertiveness. This was his comfort zone—music. “It’s about somebody who’s
having to live a life in secret to avoid persecution. It’s about the shame of
not being able to share your joy with others because they won’t be happy for
you like they should.”

“I like that,” Blaine said, giving him a sad smile. “I’ve never actually met
anyone that knows Iron & Wine.” 

“Not apart from Twilight at least,” Kurt mused. “Though I have to confess, I
found them through ‘Flightless Bird’ just like the rest of the guppies.”

“Well a real guppy wouldn’t have branched out to other songs without
Entertainment Weekly telling them it was cool,” Blaine commented. “Now I’m
itching to see your iPod. I’m sure you’ve got a bunch of interesting pieces I
haven’t discovered yet.” 

“I am more than Lady Gaga and show tunes, though I don’t look it,” Kurt said
with a smile, glad to have somebody look past the cliché and seem to really see
him. 

“Everyone has layers,” he said. “You probably more than most. I’m interested in
discovering them all.”

Kurt sat back in his seat, trying not to blush, as Blaine handed him the cord
to plug his iPod in and they both listened to the cool voice of Birdy and
debated how her reinterpretations of songs changed the message. Blaine
certainly wasn’t like any other guy he’d met before and he was much more than
the face he showed at school. Kurt just wanted to soak up everything Blaine
shared with him. He felt insanely lucky to get to see a side of Blaine that he
didn’t think many people did. He just wanted to bathe in the attention, a
warmth filling up his heart that had been cold and lonely for years.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Kurt hadn’t been impressed to start with. For starters, the place had a gravel
parking lot and it was going to take all night for him to get the rocks out of
the tiny grooves of his boots. Then there was the shabby exterior that
desperately needed a new paint job. Even the grass around the building was a
bit overgrown and in need of attention. However, once they stepped inside, Kurt
understood the appeal of the place and his faith in Blaine’s taste was
restored.
For starters, it wasn’t overrun with McKinley letterman jackets and preteen
girls in short skirts trying to prove they were cool because they could drink
coffee. It was quiet and quaint. There were sofas and comfy arm chairs around
the cafe filled with people, but despite the crowd everybody seemed to be lost
in their own little peaceful world. Nobody was shouting orders from behind the
counter, nobody was jabbering away loudly on a cell phone. It was perfect.
Blaine smiled and waved at the young girl behind the counter who lit up when
she saw him. Kurt wondered if she was the real reason Blaine liked coming to
this place. She was about their age with long blonde hair and fabulous
complexion. It wouldn’t surprise Kurt to find out that Blaine was dating
somebody like her. That would be just his luck to—get invited to coffee with a
wonderful guy only to spend the non-date watching him ogle his girlfriend.
“Everything they make here is organic and all of their ingredients, save for
the actual coffee beans, come from local farmers. They make the most delicious
paninis, too. Are you hungry?” Blaine asked him, walking up to the counter
where the young girl greets Blaine with a shy hello and a blush.
Okay, not dating, Kurt thought a bit smugly. However, the girl’s crush was
painfully obvious.
“Kurt?” Blaine looked at him amused.
“Oh, sorry,” Kurt said with a blush. Great, he was probably just as painfully
obvious about his crush, too. “I could eat.”
Blaine pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and slipped it to the
girl. “We’ll be outside, but can you make us two cobb melts? A medium drip and
a…” He trailed off and turned to look at Kurt who was digging around in his bag
for his wallet. “Stop, silly, it’s on me. What do you want to drink?”
“You don’t have to do that,” Kurt tried to argue but was cut off with a
dismissive wave of Blaine’s hand.
“It’s nothing. What do you want to drink?”
“Oh, a grande non-fat mocha?” Kurt asked, repeating his usual coffee order. He
didn’t really look at the menu like he wanted. He didn’t want to hold them up
any longer than he’d already had.
“You mean medium?” the girl asked, giving him a look that let Kurt know, that
while Blaine was certainly welcome, he was not.
“Tiffany, just make the coffee,” Blaine said with a bit of a bite. “Tell Angeli
I’m here whenever she comes down.”
Tiffany took the money with a roll of her eyes and went about starting their
order. Blaine led Kurt around the counter to a back door. Behind the building,
much to Kurt’s surprise, there was an incredible patio. There were more comfy
armchairs surrounding personal fire pits. There was a large industrial size
grill near a separate bar area that Kurt assumed was open during the summer.
Behind the patio was a solid mile of open land. It looked like a patio out of
one of the celebrity home spreads Home & Design often did.
“This place is amazing,” Kurt said, surprised and slightly awed that a town
even smaller than Lima could have something so simple yet tasteful and
sophisticated.
“In the summers, they tend to the yard a bit more and have nightly barbecues
with sprinklers going for the kids and occasional fireworks. Fall is the best
though. Nobody comes out here that often and you can hang out by a warm fire
and just be.”
“Sounds peaceful.” Kurt smiled as he took a seat and Blaine started to fiddle
around with the settings on the fireplace until it lit.
“Perfect,” Blaine said, taking a seat next to Kurt so that they were both
looking out into the yard.
Blaine put his feet up and leaned back in his seat, looking completely
comfortable. He obviously didn’t have the same butterflies and nerves as Kurt
had. It wasn’t even just that Blaine was attractive, though that was certainly
part of it. It was that Kurt hadn’t had a lot of chances to socialize with
people his own age. Most of his conversations included snappy remarks back and
forth and trying not to cry as he was stuffed into a locker or pushed down the
stairs. This was new territory for him and it was awkward. He felt out of
place, yet there was also a strange sense of possibility. Like he could finally
belong somewhere for the first time in his life.
“I’m sorry about Tiffany,” Blaine said with an easy laugh.
It was easy for him to brush off moments like that, Kurt thought. He was
perfect. Kurt assumed he’d never been ridiculed a day in his life.
“I’m pretty sure she thinks we’re dating,” he continued.
“That’s ridiculous,” Kurt said with a loud laugh. “As if that would ever be a
possibility.”
Blaine’s smile seemed to falter for a minute, but then it was right back where
it started so fast that Kurt was sure he’d imagined things.
“Right,” he said, nodding in agreement before mumbling something to himself.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Blaine said, waving him off dismissively. “So tell me about
yourself, Kurt.”
“Not much to tell, really,” he said, not comfortable with the spotlight
suddenly on him. The spotlight led to people finding out about things. When
people found out about him, they tended to use it against him.
“Somehow I doubt that’s true,” Blaine teased, though it sounded much more
friendly than the teasing he was used to. “Where are you from? What brings to
you McKinley?”
“My dad just got married,” Kurt said. “We used to live in Fairfield.”
“I’m sorry? Congratulations? I’m not sure what exactly I’m supposed to say
here. Are you happy?” he asked.
“What? Oh God, yeah, no. Carole’s great and Finn, well he’s Finn I guess but
he’s cool,” Kurt explained.
“Well good. I know some people get upset when their parents remarry.”
“My mom died when I was eight,” Kurt said, quietly.
He had gotten over her death, for the most part, but it was still rough to
think about. It was hard to remember the day the he waited on the steps at
school for three hours and his mother never showed up. The day his dad had to
come and get him around dinnertime, tears in his eyes. It was the first time
his father had ever cried in front of him. His mother had been hit by a truck
driver on her way to pick him up from school and had died a few hours later in
surgery.
“I’m so sorry,” Blaine said, looking horrified that he’d brought it up.
“It’s fine. It was a long time ago. I’m happy that my dad finally found
somebody. It’s been good for him,” Kurt said, honestly.
“You don’t sound terribly broken up about having to change schools,” Blaine
said as Tiffany brought them out their sandwiches and coffees.
“Not really,” Kurt said, picking up his panini and taking a bite, hoping to
curb this conversation now that their food had arrived. Blaine didn’t seem to
be dropping the subject anytime soon, though.
“Well isn’t it hard to leave your friends?”
Kurt blushed, wishing Blaine would just stop pushing. He wouldn’t understand
and Kurt didn’t want to burden him with all of his troubles. He didn’t want
Blaine to start pitying him. Kurt looked up and was about to lie, when he
really looked into Blaine’s eyes. He was so sincere and worried. It was like he
already knew the answer, but still needed to hear Kurt say it.
“I guess I didn’t really have any,” he admitted, tearing his eyes away from
Blaine’s. The intense look Blaine was giving him was too much for him. “Yeah,
so I didn’t really care. Public school in Ohio is pretty much public school in
Ohio no matter where it is. Unless my dad suddenly decided to pick up and move
us to New York, I’m pretty sure I’d be miserable anywhere.”
“You don’t have to feel miserable, Kurt,” Blaine said, reaching out to place
his hand over Kurt’s on the arm of the chair. “There are people, even in a
state as homophobic and cruel as Ohio, that will accept you. Not everyone you
meet will be as eager to change you as you think.”
Kurt looked back up at Blaine and saw the acceptance and understanding that
he’d been searching for for so long. It was amazing, even as the most popular
kid in school, even as a straight man, Blaine could be so welcoming and eager
to let Kurt in. Kurt couldn’t help but think back to Karofsky and how hateful
he had been, when he himself felt the same urges Kurt had. If somebody like
Kurt, another gay man, couldn’t accept him, it was that much more powerful to
see somebody like Blaine do it without a second’s hesitation.
“Thanks,” Kurt whispered, before turning back to his food, needing a
distraction before he got too emotional. Luckily, Blaine seemed to sense this.
“So, the paninis are delicious, right?” He said and Kurt laughed grateful for
the change in topic.
“Yeah, they’re pretty special,” Kurt said with a small smile, not sure if he
was talking about the sandwiches themselves or Blaine.
The two chatted comfortably for several hours as the sun set and they were
forced to scoot closer to the fire to stay warm in the cool night air. Kurt’s
clothes would smell like smoke, but he didn’t care. Talking to Blaine was worth
it. The conversation flowed naturally as they jumped from discussions about
trashy reality TV shows they both watched, literature, fashion, music, Broadway
and even politics. Kurt was impressed with how much Blaine knew about the push
for equal rights from Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Prop 8, and even issues of women’s
and immigrant rights.
“Blaine, Dayong,” A short woman opened the door and began walking their way,
speaking in a language Kurt couldn’t understand. Kurt was more surprised to
hear Blaine speak it back. For a second, he thought it must be Spanish, but
then he realized it couldn’t be and he was completely lost.
“Kurt.” Blaine turned to him and pulled him up to his feet to meet the woman.
“This is my Aunt Angeli, she owns this place.”
“Oh, wow,” Kurt said, taking her hand and shaking it. “You have a very
beautiful place.”
“Thank you,” she said with a heavy accent.
“This is Kurt,” Blaine said, as the two seemed to share a silent conversation.
“He’s a friend. He just moved here.”
“Well, welcome,” she said with a kind smile. “Blaine here doesn’t let me meet
any of his friends.”
“Tita!” Blaine said sharply, gesturing for her to stop before turning back to
Kurt. “Aunt Angeli moved here from the Philippines when I was really young. She
built this whole place by herself.”
Blaine was obviously diverting the topic and was embarrassed about something,
but Kurt couldn’t possibly imagine what.
“That’s really commendable,” Kurt said, smiling brightly at her. She was
gorgeous and had the same hazel eyes with the occasional flecks of gold in them
that were breathtaking to look directly into. “My dad owns his own business. I
know how hard it is to do.”
“Thank you,” she said kindly, before turning back to Blaine. “Your mother wants
you home. It’s getting late and she mentioned a math test.”
“Right, we’ll be leaving soon,” Blaine promised. Angeli nodded and stayed right
where she was, giving them both an amused smile.
“Tita!” Blaine said loudly, a deep blush covering his flawless skin. Oh God, he
was even sexy when he blushed, Kurt thought, adding that to his memory bank for
later. Blaine and his aunt both began talking a mile a minute in Tagalog before
she finally gave up and held her arms up in surrender. “It was nice to meet you
Kurt. You’re welcome back anytime.”
“Thank you,” Kurt said, laughing as Blaine tried to shove off a kiss to the
cheek, which she was clearly only doing to mess with him. She picked up the
remains of their dishes and headed back inside.
“Family,” Blaine said with a shrug as they both got their things together and
Blaine put out the fire.
“I thought she was adorable. So you’re Filipino,” Kurt said, suddenly his
passion about immigrant rights made more sense. As did his tirade on women’s
need for equal pay.”
“Part,” Blaine said as they walked around the building and back to Blaine’s
car. “My mom is Filipino, my dad grew up right here in Ohio and is happy to
tell you he is 100% American, even though nobody is 100% American except for
Native Americans, which he is not.”
Kurt had heard bits and pieces about Blaine’s dad all day long, but hadn’t
pushed the matter though he was certainly curious. Blaine seemed to have an
issue with him and Kurt didn’t want to bring it up when they just met. He
doubted Blaine would want to tell him. Maybe someday, if they continued to hang
out, maybe then Blaine would open up to him.
“What made your mom come to America?” Kurt asked as Blaine headed back on the
road towards Lima.
“Juilliard,” he said with a proud tone. Kurt looked at him surprised and
slightly impressed. “She is an amazing piano player. She was going to be a
concert pianist.”
“What happened?”
“She got pregnant with me and married my dad,” Blaine said with a shrug. “He
didn’t think a mother should work and my mom didn’t fight it so… here we are.”
“So your love of music comes from her?” Kurt asked as Blaine nodded.
“It’s my dream to go to Juilliard,” Kurt admitted with a reverent sigh. “Or
anywhere in New York really.”
“Me, too,” Blaine said quietly, like he was telling Kurt a secret that nobody
else knew about.
“Columbia?” Kurt asked curiously. “They have a good swim program, right?”
“No,” Blaine shook his head. “I mean, yeah, they do. But I don’t want to go to
Columbia. I just… I’ve never told anyone this, but I really want to go to NYU.”
“It’s a good school,” Kurt said.
“The best,” Blaine said. “And if I keep up with my swimming I pretty much have
a golden ticket to anywhere in the country. I’ll be able to do whatever I want
and nobody can stop me.”
“You mean your dad?” he asked, wondering if he was finally going to get his
answer.
“I mean anyone,” Blaine says. “The world is my oyster. New York is…” he trailed
off, searching for the right word to say.
“Perfect,” Kurt said with a happy smile, recognizing a kindred spirit in
Blaine.
“Perfect,” Blaine whispered, looking ahead at the road and gripping the
steering wheel tight.
Kurt wasn’t quite sure what was wrong or what could be so bad about Ohio for a
guy like Blaine, but it didn’t matter. Finally there was somebody who hated
this state as much as he did. Who needed to get out and craved for the bright
lights of the city the way that he always had. There was somebody who
understood him.
****
Over the next few weeks, Kurt started growing used to the feeling of his phone
going off constantly. Before, his iPhone had mostly served as a means for him
to keep up with eBay auctions during the school day. There were occasional
phone calls from his dad and Carole, though he was usually home so they didn’t
often have reason to call him. His SMS inbox had exactly one conversation—with
Finn. All of which contained discussions on what were and were not acceptable
grocery items whenever it was either of their turns to do the shopping.
Now though, Blaine texted Kurt constantly. After their successful coffee date-
that-wasn’t-a-date-but-Kurt-wanted-it-to-be-a-date-date, the two had become
best friends. There were music recommendations on his way to school, fashion
updates whenever somebody showed up to school in something especially tragic,
and Blaine even texted Kurt questions about Broadway, old movies, and recaps of
Jersey Shore whenever Kurt was studying too much to watch. His phone was
constantly going off during class, a problem which had lead to him having
detention for the first time in his life. Now Kurt’s learned what his
classmates had mastered years ago but he hadn’t had any reason to before—the
art of texting inconspicuously during class.
For the first time since second grade, Kurt had friends. Lauren ate lunch with
him and sent vague one-word texts that always turned out to be eerily
prophetic, like pizza, science hallway, and stop, the last of which caused him
to stop in the hall to read and just barely miss getting barreled down by two
hockey kids pummeling each other.
He wasn’t overwhelmed with friends. Most people wouldn’t talk to him in his
classes let alone in the hallways, but it was something. He had two people that
seemed to enjoy his company and he wasn’t being bullied. It was more than he
could say about any school he’d ever been to.
In fact, Kurt was so excited to finally have friends it took him several weeks
to realize that he never actually saw Blaine during school. It wasn’t strange.
Blaine was a sophomore and Kurt a junior, so they weren’t likely to share any
of the same classes. They had different lunch periods. Even when they had class
in the same hallway, Blaine never seemed to be around or when he was, he was
deep in conversation with some of the swim team jocks and occasionally that
Latina cheerleader that Kurt was scared of because of the time she screamed in
Spanish at the Home Ec teacher during their shared class.
So it wasn’t strange that they never saw each other during school. Kurt knew it
didn’t mean anything. If anything, it should have made him more grateful they’d
even managed to meet in the first place, considering how opposite their
schedules seemed to be.
Then the paranoid part of his brain started taking over.
Blaine wanted to hang out with Kurt constantly. They had become almost
inseparable, yet the only person that knew Blaine was friends with Kurt was
Finn, and that was only because they lived together. Blaine and Kurt met up for
coffee in Wapakoneta every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon when the swim team
practiced in the morning instead of after school. Blaine picked up Chinese food
every Sunday while they watched old movies together and occasionally attempted
to get some last minute homework finished. Mondays were reserved for Skyping
each other while watching The Voice and Bachelorette on TV so their parents
didn’t complain about how much time they spent together. If they went shopping,
it was in Westerville on the weekends. If they saw a show, it was in Columbus.
They never did anything in public if it meant going out in Lima.
None of this was Blaine’s fault per se. It wasn’t their fault they lived in
culturally bankrupt Lima where the most enriching thing to do was go to
Breadsticks and pretend it was a fancy Italian restaurant. Kurt really
shouldn’t look too far into this. Blaine couldn’t have meant to hide his
friendship with Kurt.
Then again, Blaine was popular and impossibly straight, would he really tell
his friends that he spent most of his time hanging out with the quiet, but
fashionably-loud and gay new kid?
“You’re thinking really loudly,” Blaine said, sitting his coffee down to give
Kurt an earnest smile.
Kurt blushed; he hadn’t meant to get so caught up in his delusions.
“Sorry,” he apologized. “Just thinking about my Glee Club audition tomorrow.”
“So asshole-Finn finally decided to let you try out?” Blaine teased, but there
was an edge there.
Blaine had been pushing him to try out for the club, but Finn had told him to
wait until after Sectionals. Kurt understood—he shouldn’t mess with the group
dynamics right before a big competition. Blaine said it was bullshit.
Apparently, though Blaine was in swim team and had nothing to do with Glee,
even he knew that New Directions was famous for throwing together performances
at the last minute. Blaine thought Finn was jealous that Kurt could sing better
than him. Kurt wasn’t sure why Blaine and Finn didn’t get along with each
other, but there was clearly a story there that neither of them would tell him.
“Well, they won their Sectionals on Saturday,” Kurt said. “It was actually a
really great performance. You should have come with me. The choir they beat was
really good. They came from Dalton.”
“I told you I couldn’t,” Blaine sighed. “Swim practice six am until eleven. I
was too tired.”
“Well you won’t be able to use that excuse for Regionals.”
“I wouldn’t miss you being their shining star,” Blaine said with an easy smile.
“Did you pick an audition song yet? Last we talked, you had narrowed the
choices down to a very short list of twenty options,” he teased.
“Hey, it’s a big deal,” Kurt said. “I’ve never sang in public before.”
“It’s Glee Club,” Blaine laughed. “Not that you’re not amazing, but they take
everyone. I wouldn’t be that worried.”
“Sorry not everyone can be a Junior Olympian,” Kurt said with a roll of his
eyes.
“You’ll have to text me how it goes.”
Kurt felt the disappointment settle in his stomach. He’d expected Blaine to
come and watch his audition. He’d been the one to push him into joining. He was
constantly telling him that he was a star and needed to get out of his shell
more. That Glee Club, while not the coolest thing in the world, would allow him
to get some practice in for Broadway. The thought of performing for his step-
brother and a bunch of strangers without his biggest cheerleader there for
moral support terrified him.
“So what are you doing tomorrow then?” Kurt asked, trying to sound casual.
“After practice, I’m going to drive out to Athens with a few of the guys,” he
explained like it was no big deal. Like he did that all of the time. For all
Kurt knew, he did. He probably drove up to Ohio University to hang out with
college kids at one of the top party schools in the country. Blaine didn’t talk
a lot about what he did with his other friends. In fact, Blaine never talked
about his other friends at all.
“So you’re going to be gone all weekend then?”
Don’t sound so desperate, he reminded himself. Blaine was allowed to have other
friends. He was allowed to spend his weekend doing more than watch Tabitha’s
Salon Takeoverover baked goods.
“Guess it depends how Friday night goes,” he said, sounding confident and a bit
cocky and so incredibly sexy that it wasn’t fair. What high school sophomore
talked about going to college to party with the thought that he could honestly
come home with somebody. Not that Blaine wasn’t gorgeous enough to get any
girl, any age, but still… It wasn’t fair. Why did Kurt have to fall for the
straight and desperately unattainable ones?
“Sounds so incredibly tempting,” Kurt said with a little bit too much bite
behind it.
Blaine gave him an odd look, one that he’d been giving him for awhile but Kurt
still didn’t understand what it meant. He had a sad look behind his eyes, like
Kurt was missing something incredibly important that Blaine had been trying to
convey. Kurt just didn’t get it and Blaine never explained it whenever he
asked, so Kurt stopped trying. He just started assuming that Blaine felt sorry
for him, that Kurt should be pitied because he didn’t live the fabulous life
filled with money, parties, and sex with beautiful, slutty woman.
Kurt was jealous, just not of the lifestyle. He didn’t want to be going out to
parties and getting drunk. He didn’t even need to be popular, not really. He
just wanted to be loved. He wanted Blaine to want him in the same way he was
going to want all those college girls he would meet this weekend. He was
jealous because he wanted Blaine.
***** Blaine Interlude 3.5/25 *****
“Yo, Anderson!” Puck threw his wet towel in Blaine’s face as he finished drying
off from his shower. He stood there, not a stitch of clothing on him, yet
confident at could be. Sometimes it amazed Blaine how carefree the guys on the
team were about him being gay.
“What’s up?” Blaine asked, determined not to turn away from Puck no matter how
awkward it was to be standing there in front of a fairly attractive, naked man.
He knew that Puck did this to tease him. He tried to tempt Blaine so that he
could get him to admit that he liked Puck. Ever since they’d drunkenly made out
at Santana’s pool party, Puck had been doing this.
It was all in good fun. Blaine knew that Puck wasn’t gay and Puck knew that
Blaine wasn’t pining after him based on some reckless hour spent in a hot tub.
“What’s the deal with you and twinkle-toes Hummel?” Puck asked, turning to his
locker to get out some clothes to put on.
“Don’t call him that,” Blaine said with a roll of his eyes. His friends might
be cool with him being gay, but that didn’t mean they weren’t high school boys
and prone to making ignorant and offensive comments.
“Quinn saw you two leave the swim meet yesterday together,” Sam added, wiggling
his eyebrows suggestively.
“And when Tina and I saw you at the pep rally, you were holding hands,” Mike
added with a knowing smile.
“It’s nothing,” Blaine said, hoping to drop the matter. Was he crushing over
Kurt? Probably a bit… Okay, a lot. Kurt had made it perfectly clear that
nothing would ever happen between them, so he didn’t want to be talking about
this.
“But you are hanging out with him?” Puck said, with a confused look.
“Is there a problem with that?” Blaine asked, wondering what the big deal was.
Kurt was attractive, funny and gay. Did they really have a problem with Blaine
talking to him? He was the only other out boy at McKinley. It was natural for
Blaine to gravitate towards him.
“He’s gay,” Puck said, giving him a concerned look.
“What did you think I was when I admitted to sucking cock?” Blaine said with
forced laughter. He always internally cringed at how crude he sounded talking
like that, but he knew being able to hold his own in pissing contests like this
was the only thing keeping him out of the dumpster.
“That’s different,” Puck said with a shrug.
“It didn’t look different when it was your tongue down Blaine’s throat,” Mike
said.
Blaine sent him a quick, grateful look. He was trying to come to Blaine’s aide,
but knew better than to call Puck out on his ignorant comments in front of the
entire team.
“But Kurt’s like really gay,” Puck responded. “Feather boa and tight pants
gay.”
Blaine bit his tongue and reminded himself that he loved his friends. They were
open and accepting. They didn’t honestly have a problem with homosexuality.
They were just boys, and boys sometimes made crude comments that they didn’t
mean. Like when Sam gave Puck shit about Hanukah. It was exactly the same…
Still, that didn’t stop Blaine from immediately going into defensive mode.
Blaine had become closer to Kurt in one afternoon than he was with any of his
teammates. He had a responsibility to Kurt. If he knew Puck, and unfortunately
he did, Kurt was going to be next on his list. Blaine had a feeling this was
rooted in the fact that Kurt was Finn’s step-brother, but he couldn’t be sure.
Still, Blaine knew that he could control this situation, control Puck. He could
make sure Puck laid off of Kurt, he just needed to speak in terms they could
understand...
“If you’re trying to convince me not to hang out with Kurt Hummel, bringing up
his pants isn’t your best approach,” Blaine said with forced confidence.
“So this is a sex thing then,” Sam said, nodding like it suddenly all made
sense. The only reason Blaine might want to hang out with Kurt was to get laid.
God forbid they actually had anything to talk about. God forbid they have
something in common.
“Well, I don’t want to bore you with the details,” Blaine said, feeling sick at
what he was about to do. Still, he knew it would be for the best if he staked
his claim on Kurt. Blaine, captain of the swim team, National Championship
Blaine, they would lay off.
“We kiss and tell in this locker room,” Puck said, giving him a challenging
look.
Popularity was a fickle thing. Blaine knew that. The Sadie Hawkins dance at his
old school proved that to him. He might have a lot of say and control over his
teammates, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have to follow certain rules and rise
to their bait.
“Well, he could teach your girlfriend a thing or two about the mechanics of
giving good head,” Blaine said with a cocky shrug.
He knew he sounded like a complete tool, and he would be horrified if any of
this ever got back to Kurt, but it had to be done. There was an eight-inch scar
on his back that proved being out, proud and your own person was the worst idea
in small town Ohio.
“Damnit, why do you get everything?”
“You dog!”
“Hm...I had Hummel pegged for a virgin.”
The locker room erupted with various congratulations and playful ribbing.
“You idiots scare him off and I’ll drown you in the pool, understood?” Blaine
warned, giving them a look that he knew they would assume meant Blaine planned
on hooking up with Kurt on a regular basis.
“No cock-blocking, got it,” Puck agreed. He grabbed his bag and headed out of
the locker room with most of the guys. Blaine stayed behind, feigning a need to
find lost goggles. He didn’t want to be around them anymore. He felt too guilty
to deal with the prodding questions that were sure to come.
It was all great that they would be leaving Kurt alone. Kurt wouldn’t have to
deal with the dumpster tosses that he knew some of the less popular kids
endured. Only now, Blaine wasn’t going to be able to hang out with Kurt. There
was no way his friends would pass up an opportunity to ask Kurt about their sex
life—the completely imaginary one that would never happen—if they caught Blaine
and Kurt together.
Besides, Blaine hadn’t realized just how effemiphobic his friends were until
now. They’d always been completely comfortable with his homosexuality. They
showered next to him after every practice and never acted like they were scared
Blaine was checking them out. Most of them had drunkenly hooked up with him at
one party or another during moments of curiosity.
Now Blaine wondered if they really were as cool as they’d always said they
were. He never told them that he liked show tunes and worshipped Katy Perry.
They’d never talked about his crush on Gene Kelly or his subscription to Vogue.
Most of this was due to his uncultured audience. He never brought up the issue
of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell with the guys, because none of them seemed interested
in politics, not because he was afraid of seeming too gay.
But now, maybe they only really liked Blaine because he wasn’t, in their eyes,
that kind of gay. The guy who stood in a crowded high school hallway, wearing
Alexander McQueen and painted on white jeans. The guy who was so out there and
loud without having to say a single word.
Kurt was a force. A powerful, beautiful force and Blaine envied him so much for
his confidence. Kurt’s ability to wear what he wanted and be who he wanted was
astounding to him. Sure, Blaine had a lot of friends and had the confidence of
knowing he owned the school, but that didn’t change anything.
No matter how painfully shy and quiet Kurt was, at the core of him, there was a
true strength and beauty that Blaine would never have. Blaine, the boy who
lived in a glass house built on a foundation of lies and half truths.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Kurt was awoken late on Friday night—so late that it should technically be
considered early Saturday morning—by the sound of his phone ringing. He let it
go to voicemail, too tired to figure out who would be calling him at this hour.
Then it rang again. Then again. Until finally, Kurt was pushing the covers off
of himself and walking across his room to where his phone was plugged in.
“Hello?” Kurt snapped, too tired to open his eyes properly, he stumbled back
into bed.
“I need you, come and get me,” Blaine said. “Us. No, me. Yeah… us. Nope, just
me.”
He was rambling and his voice sounded funny. He was mumbling his words and they
were strung together like he was really tired or…
“Are you drunk?” Kurt asked, suddenly remembering where Blaine was supposed to
be tonight.
He’d driven up to Ohio State with Puck and a few of the boys from the swim
team. He hadn’t heard from Blaine since the ‘good luck’ text he’d sent before
Kurt’s audition. He hadn’t even responded to Kurt’s text that his rendition of
Florence + The Machine’s “The Drumming Song”—sung at Blaine’s suggestion, Kurt
hadn’t even heard of the song before—had gone over well. Of course, Kurt
assumed by the time he’d sent it that Blaine was lost to a crowd of frat guys
and slutty girls.
“I’m Blaine.”
Kurt rolled his eyes, unimpressed. Blaine had to be drunk; he was usually so
eloquent. “Did you consume alcohol? Are you going to end up on an episode of
Cops throwing your shoe while you run around in a wife beater and complain
about your stolen forty?”
“I’m at a college party,” he said with a laugh that was probably supposed to
sound much happier than it did. “Come.”
“Ohio University is three hours away,” Kurt explained like he was speaking to a
toddler. Blaine was usually so intelligent, if alcohol could make him so dumb
he shuddered to think of what Finn was like when he drank.
“I didn’t drive here,” he said defensively, like that somehow would change the
distance it took to get from Lima to Athens.
“Well let’s thank God and the lives of innocent people for that,” Kurt mumbled.
Drunk Blaine was not somebody Kurt was interested in being friends with, not at
3:45 in the morning.
“Kuuuuurrrrrrrrrttttttttt,” Blaine whined and Kurt was delighted to note that
it wasn’t remotely enticing.
He’d taken to making a list of all the bad things Blaine did so that he could
make himself feel better about their lack of romance together. So far this
would make number three which was sad, considering the list of things he
absolutely loved about Blaine had reached number 236.
He should probably delete the actual list he’d made off of his phone so Blaine
didn’t accidentally stumble across it and realize Kurt was a crazy stalker.
“What do you want me to do?” Kurt asked, already mentally going through his
closet for a quick outfit he could put together. He wasn’t impressed by this
version of Blaine, but he knew that he’d be pathetic enough to do whatever
Blaine asked anyway.
“I need you to come and get me,” Blaine said, his voice sounded off again, but
not drunk this time. It was suspiciously wet.
“Okay, I need to understand what is going on, then,” he said.
“They left,” Blaine said, clearly annoyed that Kurt didn’t already know this.
“What do you mean they left? Your friends?”
Kurt took his annoyed grunt as an affirmative and began to grow angry. What
kind of friends would just leave another friend at a party three hours away
from home? Of all people to abandon, Blaine? He was the nicest guy around. Now
he was out there all by himself, drunk and incapable of getting home.
“Who does that?” Kurt asked, more to himself than anyone else.
“I said it was okay,” Blaine said, before Kurt heard a big smack from the other
end of the phone and some swearing as the phone seemed to fall out of Blaine’s
hand. It took a few minutes to get Blaine back on the line, but when he did,
Kurt was furious.
“Why would you tell them to leave you behind? That’s just stupid. How on Earth
are you supposed to get home? You’re drunk! Why did they even listen to you?”
“Why are you yelling at me?” Blaine asked, his tone growing more angry than
upset, like it’d been earlier.
“I’m not!” he yelled. “Okay, sorry,” Kurt said, lowering his voice this time.
“I’m not yelling at you. I’m just… tell me what happened.”
“Nevermind, it’s stupid,” Blaine said. “I shouldn’t have called you.”
Kurt was about to tell him that it wasn’t stupid, when the line cut off. Blaine
had hung up on him.
“Seriously?” Kurt groaned, sitting up in bed and throwing his phone down on the
comforter in frustration. Had Blaine really woken him up to ask for help only
to hang up on him a minute later?
Well fine, Kurt thought. He could just walk home.
He went to lie back down, before he realized that he couldn’t just leave Blaine
in Athens by himself. For starters, Blaine was drunk and an asshole but he was
still his best friend. Besides, even if Kurt wanted to let it go he would never
be able to sleep now. He picked his phone back up and called Blaine’s number,
walking towards his closet as he listened to the line ring.
“People suck,” Blaine whispered once he finally picked up the phone.
“Blaine, it’s fine,” Kurt said, trying to talk him off the cliff he seemed to
be on. “I’m coming to get you.”
“I just don’t get it,” Blaine said and he sounded so small, so fragile. Kurt
had seen a lot of sides to Blaine and he knew that there was more than just a
popular jock there… but Kurt had never heard Blaine sound so breakable. He’d
never seen him completely drop the confident mask he wore like a shield.
“What happened?” Kurt asked, growing scared. He hoped nothing horrible had
happened to lead to this. Blaine had been completely fine earlier today.
“Please talk to me.”
“Nobody loves me,” Blaine said so quietly, Kurt was sure he’d heard things.
“Everybody loves you,” Kurt said with a shaky laugh, not sure how much he
should be panicking. Maybe Blaine was just a sad drunk and nothing serious had
actually happened, but maybe it had. He wouldn’t know if he couldn’t get Blaine
to talk to him. “You’re Blaine Anderson.”
“I don’t want them to love Blaine Anderson, I want them to love Blaine.”
“The fact that any of that made sense is frightening to me,” Kurt said, quickly
changing his clothes as he balanced the phone on his shoulder.
“Kurt…” Blaine started before trailing off.
“Yeah?”
“Can you just be here?” Blaine asked sounding pretty pathetic.
Kurt could feel his heart breaking at the sound of it. It was such a small
request, but it was everything to Kurt. Nobody had ever wanted him or needed
him. He’d never been anything to anyone except a punching bag. The fact that
Kurt was the number Blaine called when he was hurting, it was amazing. He
finally felt cared for by somebody other than his dad.
The horrible part, the part that Kurt hadn’t fully understood about friendship,
was that because Blaine was breaking Kurt was breaking, too. He didn’t realize
he could empathize with somebody so much that wasn’t blood related. Kurt was
willing to do anything to make it stop. He couldn’t take the sound of Blaine so
lost.
“I am here,” Kurt said, sounding more confident that he knew he could be. Kurt
could do this; he could be a strong person if Blaine needed him to be. “I’m
never going to be anywhere but here. I just need some time to get to you,
okay?”
“Okay,” Blaine said, he sounded tired, like he was dozing off. “I’ll wait. I’ve
been…”
“Been what?” he asked, grabbing his bag and keys off of his vanity and quietly
heading down the stairs. There was no way Kurt would leave without talking to
his dad about this first, but he didn’t have to wake the whole house when he
left.
“Waiting for you,” Blaine said through a yawn.
“Listen to me,” Kurt commanded, knowing that Blaine wouldn’t be coherent for
much longer. “I need you to get up and go find somewhere well lit with other
people. Is there a twenty-four hour diner or something you can go wait at?”
“There’s a streetlight here and one of those rape phones, I’m fine,” Blaine
mumbled.
“No, get up,” Kurt said sternly, his mind going crazy at the word rape phone.
God, he had to make sure Blaine didn’t fall asleep on some random bench and get
mobbed. “Go to the nearest diner and stay there. I’ll come and get you as soon
as I can.”
“There’s a Denny’s two blocks away,” Blaine said. Kurt could hear some
shuffling on his end, which Kurt took to mean that he had started heading
there. Thank God.
“What street is it on?” Kurt asked.
Whatever Blaine mumbled, Kurt didn’t catch it. He figured there could only be
one Denny’s in Athens near the campus anyway. He’d just google in it when he
got closer; he had a smart phone for reasons like this.
“I’m going to stay on the line, tell me when you get there,” Kurt instructed as
he walked into the kitchen. He kept his phone to his ear, but didn’t bother
talking to Blaine any further. He wasn’t going to get much more out of his
drunken friend, but at least the sound of the street and his random string of
curses whenever he bumped into something let him know Blaine was still there.
He wasn’t surprised to see his dad in the kitchen. He had to be at the shop at
5am every day to open, so he was usually up before the sun. He was sitting at
the table reading a magazine, drinking coffee and eating cereal.
“Why are you up,” Burt asked casually until he noticed Kurt was completely
dressed and on the phone. Then his curious smile fell as he pursed his lips.
“Where exactly do you think you are going?”
“Blaine’s gotten himself into some trouble, so I’ve got to go and pick up him,”
Kurt explained, holding the speaker away from himself, but keeping it close to
his ear so he could make sure Blaine was still there.
Kurt thought about making up a story, but there was no point in lying to his
father. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. In fact, his dad had always taught him
the importance of being there for people he cared about. If anything, he should
be proud Kurt was willing to sacrifice his precious sleep to go help out a
friend.
“What kind of trouble?” he said, still suspicious.
“He’s at Ohio State and his friends all left him,” Kurt explained. “He has no
way to get home.”
“What is Blaine doing all the way out there?” Burt asked, though Kurt could
tell he already knew the answer, he just wanted Kurt to say it so he’d have an
excuse to be angry.
“He was at a party,” he said.
“You kids are going to college parties now?” Burt asked, his eyebrows raised in
shock. Kurt had barely ever left the house before they’d moved to Lima. The
thought of him at a college party was a bit preposterous.
“I wasn’t at any party,” Kurt kindly reminded him. “I’ve been upstairs asleep.”
“Let me see if I’ve got this straight,” Burt said, crossing his arms across his
chest and settling back in his seat, preparing for a fight. “Blaine went to a
college party where he, I assume, got drunk and then was abandoned. So you
thought you would get into your car at four in the morning and drive over three
hours to go pick him up.”
“You know Blaine,” Kurt reminded him, trying to calm him down. “You like
Blaine.”
“Your dad likes me? Cool,” Kurt heard Blaine slur, but chose to ignore him for
the time being.
“I didn’t realize he drinks,” His dad responded.
Kurt could see where his dad was coming from with his concern, but it didn’t
make Blaine any less of a person. He was still the first real friend Kurt had
ever had. He was still the boy that was unfailingly kind to Kurt when he had no
reason to be. He was the boy who brought over dinner, watched American Pickers
with Burt when he’d come home from the shop early and they’d had to cut their
Top Model marathon short. He did dishes after dinners with the Hummel-Hudsons
and was completely respectful and well-mannered at all times. One bad night
couldn’t honestly change his dad’s opinion on him, could it?
“He’s a good kid,” Kurt reminded him. “You know he is, but he’s also sixteen.
He’s going to mess up. He’s not as perfect as his 1950s sock hop-and-milkshakes
style would have you believe.”
“Hey!” Blaine interrupted, letting Kurt know he was at least coherent enough to
hear the slight jab. Other than that, Kurt had to continue to ignore him. He
had his father to contend with, which was more than enough.
“Are you drinking now?” Burt asked, completely serious, but also sincere. He
expected an honest answer, but he wouldn’t judge him for whatever that answer
was. That was how their family worked. Unconditional love and honesty kept them
together.
“Yes, Dad,” Kurt said sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood so his dad
would just let him go. They were wasting time and Kurt didn’t feel comfortable
leaving Blaine to his own devices for long. “Clearly, I leave the house all the
time and have killer ragers. I have so many friends it’s hard to remember their
names. I just can’t stop sneaking out to parties at 4 in the morning. What do
you think?”
“I don’t know,” Burt shrugged. “New school, new friends. I was hoping things
were different for you here.”
“They are different,” Kurt said, trying to put his dad’s mind at ease. The last
thing he needed was him worrying over Kurt’s lack of social life. “I have
Blaine now. But I’m still me. I’m not going to be going to any parties any time
soon. Now can I go? Blaine really does need me.”
“Fine,” he agreed. “Take the GPS and don’t drive too fast. I expect you to text
me when you get there and to make smart decisions.”
“Alright,” Kurt said.
“And no drinking.”
“Like that’s even a possibility,” Kurt snorted.
“You’d be surprised,” Burt said.
“Okay.” Kurt rolled his eyes but leaned in to give his dad a quick hug.
He pulled away and practically ran to his car. It would take every bit of three
hours to get to Blaine and Kurt needed to get on the road as fast as he could.
“Are you still walking?” Kurt asked.
“Hmmm, you said nice things ‘bout me,” Blaine said, sounding a bit more
cheerful and awake. Kurt hoped that meant he was waking up a bit and somebody
was providing him with coffee.
“Alright, well I’ve got to hang up so I can drive safe. Don’t go anywhere,”
Kurt instructed.
“Blue-eyes, Captain.”
“It’s aye-aye, captain,” Kurt corrected with as little judgment as he could
manage. Really, where had his wonderfully witty Blaine gone?
“Freudian slip, I guess,” Blaine said and Kurt was glad that at least his
vocabulary was still there if his drunken mind was using the words incorrectly.
“You do know that Freudian slips are supposed to be about the interference of
unconscious desire, right?” Kurt corrected him.
“Going to nap now,” Blaine said and the phone was disconnected before Kurt
could say anything else.
****
Exactly three hours and six minutes later, Kurt found himself walking into
Denny’s and searching for Blaine.
“Are you here to pick up the munchkin?” A tall boy, college age, asked him. “He
told me to look for blue eyes and Vogue, I didn’t get it… it makes sense now.”
“Where is he?” Kurt asked and was directed towards the back of the restaurant.
He made his way over and had to smile at the sight that greeted him, it was
every bit as disgusting as it was sweet. Blaine was passed out next to a plate
of chocolate chip pancakes.
Kurt slid into the booth next to Blaine and gently prodded him awake, laughing
when Blaine nearly jumped three feet in the air at the sight of him.
“Not exactly your proudest moment,” Kurt teased as he settled back and ordered
a coffee for himself. If he was going to be making the drive back to Lima, he
would need a lot more caffeine to stay awake.
“I’m sorry I called you,” he responded, his words, thankfully less slurred. He
was staring at his plate, a blush coloring his cheeks and neck.
“Are you?” Kurt asked, worried that Blaine wasn’t happy to see him.
“Not really,” Blaine said, looking up at him with suspiciously wet eyes. “But
I’m probably supposed to be. I made you drive so far and woke you up.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked, hoping Blaine would talk to
him about whatever it was that was clearly bothering him.
“I don’t know what happened to Puck and the guys,” Blaine explained.
“So they just left you at a party where you didn’t have a ride home?” He
reminded himself to keep his voice down. It was no use yelling at Blaine, this
wasn’t his fault. The person Kurt should be yelling at was Puck.
“We got in a fight,” Blaine admitted.
“About what?”
“Puck didn’t like that I was hanging out with my ex. He told me that he was an
asshole and treated me like shit, I didn’t listen to him,” Blaine said quietly.
It was weird to see him acting so quiet and unsure; he was always so loud and
outspoken. This was the boy that shamelessly flirted with anything that moved.
“Wait, Puck told you that he treated you like shit?” He wasn’t following this.
“No,” Blaine sighed, like Kurt just wasn’t getting something that should have
been obvious. “Puck said that my ex treated me like shit, I just didn’t listen
to him. So Puck got annoyed and left to go to another party with Sam. He said
that he didn’t want to have to watch us together the whole night.”
“So Puck’s still in here then? Maybe?” Kurt asked, wondering why Blaine hadn’t
just called Puck up instead of him.
“He was right,” Blaine said. “Kind of, I guess. It’s not Riley’s fault though…
I think I’m just unlovable. Do you ever feel like that?”
“Every day,” Kurt said, a bit breathless. His words caught in his throat at
Blaine’s admission. It was shocking to realize that Blaine actually believed
the words he was saying. Heartbreaking.
“But Blaine, you have to realize how ridiculous it is for you of all people to
feel that way. Everybody loves you. Whatever Riley did, she’s an idiot. Okay?
You’re perfect.”
“He,” Blaine said before giving him a peculiar look and bursting into sudden,
hysterical laughter.
“What?” Kurt asked, annoyed that he was being left out of the joke. He didn’t
like thinking that Blaine was laughing at him.
“Oh my God,” was all Blaine seemed to be able to say before falling into
another round of laughter.
“Blaine,” Kurt said, beyond annoyed. He just wanted Blaine to tell him what was
so funny.
“Riley is a boy,” Blaine said like Kurt was slow.
“But how could he be a boy if you dated him, I mean that would mean you’d have
to be bi or… Oh, my God,” Kurt said, suddenly feeling ridiculous for ever
thinking otherwise. “Riley is a boy… Of course Riley is a boy. You’re gay. I’m
an idiot.”
“Yeah,” Blaine said, smiling for the first time all night. “I don’t understand
though, everybody knows.”
“I guess I just didn’t want to assume,” Kurt said, embarrassed. “And you’re so
popular; I didn’t think it was possible.”
“To be gay and have friends?” Blaine asked, giving him a knowing look.
Kurt just shrugged, feeling overwhelmed by this new revelation. If Blaine was
telling the truth and everybody really did know that Blaine was gay, then that
meant that people were okay with it. They were still friends with Blaine
despite his attraction to other men. So that meant Kurt’s belief that the only
reason he’d been picked on his entire life was that he was gay… that meant it
was a lie. That it wasn’t gay people that Ohio hated, it was just him.
“So you were with your ex earlier?” Kurt asked, wanting to direct the
conversation away from himself before he had to admit to Blaine what an
absolute loser he was. If Blaine could believe that he was unloved when
everyone at McKinley worshiped him, what did that mean for Kurt?
“Can we please not talk about that giant drunken mistake?” Blaine practically
whined. “Puck was right.”
“How long were you guys dating?” Kurt asked, pushing the issue because he was
curious now.
Blaine was gay. Blaine Anderson, possible love of Kurt’s life and the hottest
boy to ever wear a Speedo was actually gay. He was gay and interested in boys
and that meant maybe, possibly, in some twisted universe, Kurt stood a chance
with him. If Kurt was going to make Blaine his, he needed to find out
everything he could about the people that Blaine liked to date.
“Can I tell you something embarrassing?” Blaine asked, holding out his pinkie
to make Kurt promise that he would never tell anyone. Kurt held up his own and
linked it with Blaine’s, trying not to smile at the feeling of sitting there
with Blaine practically holding hands.
Okay, so they were just pinkies, but it was a step in the right direction.
God, Kurt was pathetic.
“I don’t think we ever were. I think I made it all up in my head,” Blaine said.
“I mean, we hooked up at a couple of parties and he’s taken me out for coffee
before, but it just… That should mean something right?”
Kurt shrugged; he really wasn’t the right person to ask for dating advice. His
experience started and ended with watching old black and white romance movies.
“He told me I was just a kid,” Blaine sighed, picking at his cold pancakes with
his fork. “That wasn’t the tune he was singing a couple weeks ago when he was
begging me to go down on him, but I guess I’m just some stupid boy who misread
the signs.”
“You’re not stupid,” Kurt said, trying not to blush at the thought of Blaine
going down on anybody.
Gorgeous Blaine, perfect head of curly locks and perfectly defined muscles
kneeling before him with his head buried in… Kurt had to stop himself from
picturing it before he got too carried away. They were in the middle of a diner
and Kurt didn’t want to have to explain a boner to Blaine.
This wasn’t exactly the conversation he had been expecting to have when he
prodded Blaine for more information. Kurt didn’t talk about sex, ever. For
starters, he never had any friends to talk about it with before. Second, his
father was mortified of the sex talk, and thankfully, hadn’t forced him to have
it yet. Finally, Kurt had tried watching those kind of movies, and it just… he
didn’t understand why anybody would want to put something up there. It was just
so… unsanitary.
No, most of Kurt’s fantasy’s ended around third base. The idea of full on sex
terrified him.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine sighed. “This is depressing; we should talk about something
else.”
Kurt agreed but couldn’t come up with any other topics. Try as hard as he
might, his mind just kept going back to the image of Blaine on his knees for
another man.
It wasn’t… Well, Kurt certainly wasn’t getting turned on by it. No, definitely
not. Blaine was a wonderful, gorgeous boy that deserved to be swept off his
feet and treated like a prince. He wasn’t an object for sexual fantasy… No.
Kurt wasn’t saving that image to think about later. That would be wrong.
Oh, who was Kurt kidding? He’d been objectifying Blaine since the second they
met on the stairs. He’d been fantasizing about him before bed ever since he’d
seen Blaine in that Speedo. The difference between Kurt and this Riley
character, who’d clearly be using Blaine for sex, was that it was about more
for Kurt. Kurt wanted Blaine for more than just his delicious body. He wanted
the romance, candy hearts and intimacy that came from really knowing somebody.
“You should let me take you to one of these parties one day,” Blaine said. Kurt
snorted; the thought of him at a party was laughable.
“I’m serious,” Blaine said. “The boys are always really cute and it’s far
enough away from Lima to be able to have some anonymity.”
“Of course,” Kurt said, bitterly. God forbid Blaine take him out anywhere where
people might see them and know them. All images of the two of them living
happily ever after were gone as Kurt remembered that Blaine couldn’t even be
seen in public with him.
“What?” Blaine asked, sounding offended.
“Nothing,” Kurt shrugged it off. Blaine probably hadn’t meant it like that; he
was just being paranoid again.
“So what do you say? Will you join me sometime?”
“I can’t say you’ve painted the most appealing picture for college parties.
Sleeping at a Denny’s and drunkenly crying to me on the phone,” Kurt said, a
bitter tone to his voice.
“No, no… no no no,” Blaine said repeatedly, he was getting really excited and
for some reason this just annoyed Kurt even further. How could he be so excited
at the prospect of hanging out with Kurt when he was obviously so ashamed to be
his friend?
“They are great,” Blaine continued, oblivious to his anger. “This one only
sucked because I got dumped again. But they are great. So awesome! Do you know
what we should do?”
“Take you home,” Kurt said with a roll of his eyes. He called the waiter over
to ask for the bill. They should be hitting the road so they could get back to
Lima.
“We need to get you to a college party,” Blaine said. “There are just so many
boys, it’s like you’ve stepped into an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog and all
the models are gay. It’s amazing.”
“For you,” Kurt rolls his eyes. “I’m sure they love the whole junior Olympian
swimmer thing you have going on.”
“Please, you’re much more their type than I ever will be,” Blaine said, looking
him up and down. “Boys look at me and they see a kid that’s just going through
a phase. They think I’ll grow out of it once my dad throws enough money at the
problem and I get past my teenage rebellion. Then there is you, so sure of who
you are and not hiding anything. All that confidence is a turn on to them. And
those pants you paint on don’t hurt either.”
Kurt couldn’t help but glow at Blaine’s words. He’s never had anybody tell him
that he’s attractive before, and while Blaine didn’t say that exactly, it was
still nice to be praised. It was nice to see Blaine look him up and down with a
hungry expression. He was looking at Kurt the same way that Kurt had been
looking at Blaine since they’d met.
God, Blaine had been gay ever since they met. Every smile, every touch that
lingered too long, that was all flirting. He’d been trying to ignore it because
he’d believed Blaine was straight, but now…
Maybe Blaine really did want Kurt in the same way.
“We should get going,” Kurt said with as steady a voice as he could muster when
inside he was jumping around like a middle school girl. “It’s seven thirty in
the morning and we still have a long drive ahead of us.”
“My knight in shining armor, driving all the way out here to save me,” Blaine
teased, batting his eyelashes in an over-exaggerated way.
“Come on my Drunken Beauty,” Kurt said, playfully pulling him out of the
restaurant so he’d have an excuse to hold onto Blaine’s hand. “This time you
can sleep in the car instead of in your pancakes—much more dignified.”
***** Chapter 5 *****
“Wake up, Sunshine,” Kurt said, once he’d pulled into Blaine’s driveway. It was
almost eleven o’clock in the morning and Kurt was in desperate need of his own
nap. He was hoping to drop Blaine off and head straight to his own warm bed at
home.
“You’re not coming in?” Blaine asked, still sleepy and sounding disappointed.
He rubbed at his eyes and sent a sexy pout Kurt’s way. The bottom lip that he
stuck out was just begging for Kurt to suck on it.
“I should go home and get into bed,” Kurt admitted, trying to shake away his
inappropriate lust. “If you’re still up for it, I could come over tonight,” he
quickly added when Blaine’s eyes darkened and he looked at Kurt like he was
Thanksgiving dinner.
He hated his body for being so tired when the offer was clearly there for Kurt
to go inside and spend more time with Blaine. Kurt was about to change his mind
and agree to spending the rest of the day with Blaine, when his pout turned
into a pleased smile.
“Of course,” he said. “Tonight’s better anyway. I should probably shower. I
smell like an ashtray.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Kurt said, with a slight grimace.
“You smell good though, you always smell good,” Blaine said, shameless in his
flirting. Kurt isn’t sure how he ever misread this before. “You know, if you’re
not up for the real thing yet, we could have our own party. A test run of
sorts, get you ready for an honest to God college party where you’re sure to be
the most popular item on the menu.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, picturing all of McKinley over at Blaine’s house.
It wasn’t Kurt’s idea of a good time. He wanted to spend time with Blaine, not
a bunch of kids that didn’t care for him in the slightest.
“I mean you and me, no boys allowed, some delicious drinks, killer music and
dancing. It’ll be fun.”
“No boys, besides us, you mean,” Kurt laughed, wondering if Blaine was still
slightly buzzed.
“Right, boys are stupid and we shouldn’t date them. They should just be there
to look at and play with if they are pretty enough, they don’t deserve us. Oh,
and no girls either. Too many boobs for my taste. You get kind of tired of them
when girls just flash them at you for no reason, it’s disgusting.”
Blaine made a face liked he’d just watched a particularly gory scary movie. If
that was the kind of thing that happened at parties, Kurt was glad he’d managed
to avoid them. Although, the idea of lowered inhibitions, liquid courage, and
Blaine dancing sounded too good to pass up.
“I still can’t believe you’re gay,” Kurt said, thinking of all the times he’d
been positive that Blaine was checking out a girl.
“Why is it so hard to believe?”
“You went on and on about how hot that girl was at the record store was,” Kurt
said, defensively, feeling like he was being judged for not having an excellent
gaydar.
“I was talking about her boyfriend,” Blaine said with a roll of his eyes. “And
gross, even if I was straight, her sweater was hideous.”
“Yes, but her skirt left nothing to the imagination,” he said. “I didn’t think
you were taking the time to look at her sweater.”
“I’m totally, 100% gay, I thought that was obvious,” Blaine explained.
“No, it wasn’t obvious!” he said louder than he needed to. “Why did people act
like I was going to give you leprosy for talking to you then?”
Kurt thought back to his conversations with Lauren about Blaine. How she’d
always told him not to bother trying whenever he asked if Blaine was gay. He’d
assumed that had meant Blaine was straight. He thought back to the dirty looks
he got when he went to Blaine’s swim meets. The raised eyebrows he got from
Puck and Sam whenever they passed him in the hallway.
Nobody had openly said or done anything to him, but they had made it clear they
would never be his friend. He’d put up with it. He’d even been grateful for it,
because it was so much easier to manage than the abuse he’d dealt with at his
old school. Now though, he knew Blaine was gay and it was okay. It bothered
him.
Kurt thought back to Finn’s own warnings to stay away from Blaine. It was even
more insulting now than it had been before.
“Who?” Blaine asked
“Who said something, Kurt?” Blaine repeated himself when he didn’t answer. “Was
it Puck? Because I talked to him and asked him to leave you alone.”
“Wait, what?” Kurt asked, surprised. So Puck really did have a problem with
him, Kurt hadn’t made the whole thing up in his head?
“Nothing,” Blaine said, quickly trying to brush it off, like he hadn’t said
anything. “Who’s been bothering you?”
“Nobody,” he said, noticing how worked up Blaine was getting. He hadn’t wanted
to start something.
Blaine gave him a stern glare that said he wasn’t going to give up until Kurt
told him the whole story.
“Everybody I guess,” Kurt said. “They aren’t mean, not like at my old school.
They just, aren’t very welcoming. I just assumed it was because I was gay.”
“Kurt, I’m gay, all of my friends know that I’m gay. Hell, half of them have
drunkenly experimented with me at one point or another. They aren’t
homophobic.”
“So it’s just me they don’t like then,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “Great.”
“I like you, okay?” Blaine said.
Kurt didn’t miss the fact that Blaine didn’t bother denying what Kurt already
knew. People hated him; he just wished he understood why. What was so different
about Blaine? Why did he get to be popular while Kurt was just a freak? Sure,
Blaine was on the swim team, but he still loved Broadway and read fashion
magazines and dressed like he stepped out of a 1950s sitcom.
“You got bullied at your old school pretty bad then?” Blaine asked, giving Kurt
a sympathetic look that Kurt wanted to hate him for.
Blaine didn’t get to sympathize with him when he clearly had the golden high
school experience. Kurt couldn’t be upset with him though. He just looked too
sincere; like he really did understand how hard it was for Kurt, even if that
was impossible.
“I had my first kiss stolen,” Kurt admits, not sure why it’s that confession
that comes out of his mouth first. Of all the things he could tell Blaine, this
is the most personal and he’s not really sure why he’s said it. He’s never even
told his dad about it.
“What are you talking about?” Blaine asked, giving him a nervous look.
“At my old school,” Kurt said, taking several deep breaths to prepare himself
for the story.
“Okay?” Blaine prompted him when Kurt didn’t continue.
“I was bullied before pretty badly by all the kids. That’s why I didn’t have
any friends. I told you that before. Not a single one,” Kurt said, looking
straight ahead out at Blaine’s house so he wouldn’t have to see the pity in
Blaine’s eyes that he knew he’d find. “I spent my weekends helping my dad at
his shop and watching TV with him all night. I was a loser, but that was okay.
It was manageable. It was much safer to be alone than it would have been to
hang out with any of the kids at school.”
“Kurt—” Blaine started to say before Kurt cut him off. He could hear the pain
in Blaine’s voice and he knew that he could never finish the story if he didn’t
get it all out now.
“There was one boy who hated me more than the others,” Kurt said quickly,
trying not to feel anything. “He was always picking on me and throwing me into
lockers. He used to push me down the bleachers and throw balls at me in gym.
Then one day I got really upset and cornered him in the locker room, demanded
that he stop. I told him that being gay wasn’t contagious and he wasn’t going
to beat it out of me so he should just leave me alone.”
“What did he do?” Blaine asked, his voice small, like he didn’t really want to
know because he knew it wouldn’t be good.
“He kissed me,” Kurt whispered, a few tears falling at the memory.
“So he was gay all along, that’s why he had a problem with you?” Blaine asked.
“Not according to him,” Kurt said with a bitter laugh. “According to him, I
made him gay. When he tried to pin me to the locker, I pushed him away and told
him I wasn’t interested. He didn’t really like that.”
“Kurt,” Blaine said with a shaky voice. “Please tell me he didn’t force himself
on you.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head, unsure if that would have been worse than
fearing for his life for so many weeks afterwards. Probably, but waking up from
nightmares for three straight weeks and getting threatening text messages
wasn’t much better.
“What?”
“He threatened to kill me,” Kurt said, sniffling, remembering the feeling of
terror that he’d been forced to live with.
“What!” Blaine yelled furious. “Did you tell your dad?”
“No,” Kurt admitted. “I didn’t want to worry him. He’d just had a heart attack.
And Karofsky told me he’d kill me if I said anything. He said that nobody would
believe me, that nobody loved me or wanted me anyway… he said he’d be doing the
world a favor.”
“That’s not true,” Blaine said, sternly, punching the dashboard in anger. “That
fucking asshole! I ought to drive out there right now and kick his ass, how
dare he? He’s gay - he should know better!”
“Blaine, it’s fine,” Kurt said, reaching out to grab Blaine’s hands and try to
calm him down. He was starting to scare him.
“It’s not fine. None of this is fine!” Blaine said, pulling away from Kurt’s
grasp and glaring at him. “Why didn’t you say something? When people threaten
you like that, it’s not a joke. You have to do something. What if he had killed
you, what then, huh? Did you want to die? Is that why you didn’t tell anybody?
Jesus, Kurt! It’s not a joke.”
“I know that, okay!” Kurt yelled back, wondering why Blaine was losing it on
him. It wasn’t like Kurt asked for any of this to happen.
“Do you?” Blaine asked, condescendingly. “Do you, really?”
“I’ve seen the news reports before,” Kurt bit back. “I know what happens to gay
kids in towns like this. You don’t have to lecture me; my dad sat me down
himself when that boy got beat up in Westerville a few years ago, alright?”
Blaine froze for a moment; his nostrils still flaring in anger before he threw
open his door and got out of the car.
“What is your problem?” Kurt screamed, following after Blaine.
“What is it?” Blaine turned around, tears in his eyes. “Is it that you don’t
think it could happen to you or that you don’t care if it does?”
“Why are you getting so upset about this?” he asked, crying. He hated fighting
with people. It sucked even more to fight with somebody he cared about. He’d
never had a friend to fight with before, he wasn’t prepared for how much worse
the words would hurt when they came from somebody he considered a friend. “It
didn’t happen to you, it happened to me.”
“But it did!” Blaine yelled, before realizing what he’d said and quickly
forcing the topic back onto Kurt. “It matters! People hurting you for being who
you are is wrong. It’s serious. You can’t just sit there and not doing anything
about it. People deserve to be punished for what they did!”
“Okay,” Kurt said, calmly. He hoped that if he stopped yelling, maybe Blaine
would, too. Then if Kurt could get Blaine to breathe for a second, maybe he
could explain what he meant earlier. Had Blaine really been hurt before? It
didn’t make sense, everyone loved Blaine. Kurt would have known if he’d been
hurt before, right?
“No,” Blaine said, still upset, but he was starting to lose his steam a bit, at
least. “Not okay. Do you have any idea how many kids around the world get
attacked for being who they are?”
“Calm down, okay?” Kurt said, holding up his hands in surrender and approaching
Blaine slowing, trying not to provoke him further. “I’m not going to that
school anymore. Alright. It’s done; he’s not going to hurt me.”
“Fine, whatever,” Blaine said, shrugging Kurt off when he tried to put his arms
around him. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Of course it matters,” Kurt said, sincerely. “It obviously matters.”
Blaine didn’t respond, he just shook his head and turned his back to Kurt.
“Please,” Kurt begged, not knowing what to do but knowing that he couldn’t
stand the thought of Blaine in pain.
“What?” Blaine asked harshly.
“I’m telling you that I’m fine,” Kurt said. “Do you believe me?”
“Sure.”
“Can we talk about this?” Kurt asked.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said, though Kurt could hear him sniffling
like he’d been crying.
“Really?” Kurt asked. “Because you just had a monumental freak out.”
“I don’t want to see anyone hurt you,” Blaine admitted turning around to face
him. The second Kurt saw the tears in Blaine’s eyes he pulled him into a tight
hug. “You don’t deserve that,” Blaine cried.
“Of course not,” Kurt said, rubbing his back, not sure if they were talking
about himself anymore or if they’d moved on to Blaine. “Nobody deserves that.”
“I’m sorry he stole your first kiss,” Blaine said, tightening his grip around
Kurt’s waist.
“I am, too,” Kurt whispered into Blaine’s hair. He took a second to build up
his courage and hoped that Blaine didn’t pull back when Kurt said it before he
added, “I’m sorry that somebody hurt you, too.”
“It was a long time ago,” Blaine said, shaking his head like it wasn’t a big
deal when it so obviously was.
Kurt wanted to pry for more information, but he thought it better to leave it
be for awhile. It was a sensitive subject for him and would need to be treated
with a lot more care than Kurt thought he was capable of on four hours of
sleep.
Blaine pulled away after a few minutes and wiped his tears on the sleeve of his
coat. Then, when he noticed Kurt shivering, he grabbed his hand and walked them
inside and up to his room. The two of them climbed into bed together. It was
something they’d done countless times over the past several weeks as friends
together, but this time it seemed more intimate.
Before, Blaine had just been his sweet, sadly straight friend. No matter how
attracted he’d been to Blaine, there had never been any danger of things
leading to something more. Now though, now Blaine was gay. Their friendship had
just reached a whole new level of intimacy with the confession of their darkest
secrets.
Now sharing a bed with Blaine seemed laden with hidden meanings.
“You can go, if you still want to,” Blaine said. “I just figured it’d be nice
not to be alone.”
Kurt smiled at him, before crawling under the covers. He was asleep the second
his head hit the pillow. He never even noticed Blaine cuddling close and
falling asleep with his head on Kurt’s shoulder and his arm draped across his
stomach.
****
The boys woke up a few hours later and Kurt somehow let Blaine talk him into
having that private party in his basement. Kurt didn’t think that Blaine needed
any more alcohol after last night’s debacle, but with the emotional roller
coaster that had been this morning, forgetting about everything for a few hours
sounded pretty promising. Which is how Kurt found himself in the Anderson’s
basement, slightly buzzed off of the two bottles of stolen wine, more snacks
than two boys could possibly consume and incredibly loud music.
They were hunting down the most ridiculous songs on their iPods trying to see
who could out embarrass themselves with song selections. Currently they were
blasting JC Chasez’s “All Day Long I Dream About Sex” courtesy of Blaine, who
argued with Kurt for over a half hour that JC was more talented that Justin.
Kurt had to admit, as much as the lyrics made him blush, the way Blaine’s hips
were moving back and forth to the beat was practically sinful. It didn’t help
that Blaine had this squeeze worthy ass that was doing things to Kurt that
would make things rather awkward if Blaine stopped dancing long enough to
notice.
As the song came to a close, Blaine collapsed in a fit of giggles onto the
couch. Kurt pulled a pillow into his lap and moved to pour Blaine another glass
of wine.
“Your turn,” Blaine said with an amused smile, pointing to their iPods that
were over by the speakers.
Kurt quickly downed his glass of wine. When he finished, he stood up, suddenly
feeling dizzy. He waited for his balance to come back before attempting to make
his way over to his iPhone to search for something to play. His vision was
starting to blur from all the alcohol they’d consumed in the last few hours,
but he managed to hunt down his collection of Will Smith songs from his middle
school crush on the actor and quickly played “Wild Wild West.”
“Oh, God,” Blaine threw back his head and laughed. Kurt didn’t think he’d ever
grow tired of the sound of Blaine laughing. It was so loud, filling any room he
was in, and making Kurt feel like he was King of the World for being able to
make Blaine smile like that.
“You’re not allowed to mock me,” Kurt giggled as he started to attempt to rap
the verses, forgetting half the words due to many years since hearing the song
and copious amounts of alcohol.
“I’m not going to mock you,” Blaine said, getting up to search through his own
phone before showing Kurt his copy of Will Smith’s Greatest Hits.
“Perfect,” Kurt said as the two of them stumbled their way through the verses
before getting to the chorus and screaming out the words. Kurt was glad the
Anderson’s were out of town this weekend, because there was no way they could
pass for sober if Blaine’s parents were home to check on them.
“You know, you’d be an excellent cowboy,” Kurt said, leaning heavily on Blaine.
“I used to take horseback riding lessons when I was younger,” Blaine said
smugly, wrapping his arm around Kurt to hold him up.
“I’m sure you like riding things,” Kurt said before realizing what he’d implied
and dropped his jaw in shock at his own crudeness.
Blaine tilted his head and gave him a surprised, yet slightly smug smile.
“I mean, I just… fuck,” Kurt stumbled around for a way to explain what he’d
said, but sadly there was nothing to be done. It was out there. Now Blaine
would know all about Kurt’s embarrassing crush on him.
“Don’t tempt me,” Blaine teased, his voice dropping lower and sending a
tingling sensation to his stomach.
Kurt had gotten used to being turned on by Blaine. The boy spent every day in a
pool for Christ’s sake. Kurt was no stranger to the stirring in the pit of his
stomach due to his best friend. What he wasn’t prepared for, was the way Blaine
was looking at him. As if he was picturing Kurt in several compromising
positions as well.
Kurt wasn’t used to people wanting him. He’d never been looked at like this
before. With Blaine’s eyes growing darker and their faces already so close, it
was impossible not to close the distance. Kurt opened his mouth and sucked on
Blaine’s lip for a few wicked seconds before pulling away again. He kept his
eyes closed and bit his lip, trying to imprint the memory of the kiss into his
mind forever.
This kiss was supposed to be his first kiss. It shouldn’t belong to somebody
like Dave Karofsky who had chapped lips and pushed into him with too much
force. Blaine’s lips on his, innocent as the kiss probably was to most people,
was the most scandalous, lustful moment of Kurt’s life.
Blaine didn’t move away. If anything, he kept his face impossibly close to
Kurt’s. He moved around, his nose brushing against Kurt’s cheek like he
desperately wanted more but was restraining himself. Stopping himself from
taking more, even as their lips occasionally brushed up against each other in a
delicious friction that wasn’t nearly enough to be satisfying.
Kurt was struggling to catch his breath, too turned on and suffocating with
anticipation. He needed Blaine to kiss him again. He couldn’t be the one to
take that leap again. This time, he needed assurance that he was something
Blaine wanted, too.
Finally, after several painful seconds in which Kurt was positive he would die,
Blaine’s lips crashed into his own with such a force it knocked him backwards
and into the wall. Blaine’s hands found their way around his neck and tangled
into his hair. Kurt could do nothing but let himself be taken, giving back with
as much desperate need as was being given.
Kurt’s hands wrapped around Blaine’s hips, fingers looping into belt loops,
trying to hold Blaine close forever. His lips were stained with the
intoxicating taste of wine and chocolate and Kurt just wanted to suck at them
forever, but Blaine had other ideas. His mouth dropped down and latched onto
Kurt’s neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. Or at least, Kurt figured
there would be a mark. He’d never made out with anyone before. He didn’t know
how hard somebody would have to suck to leave a hickey, but Blaine was
certainly making a valiant effort.
Kurt couldn’t help but let his hands wander around to Blaine’s round ass,
taking a handful of it and squeezing hard. After all, who knew how long this
would last or if he’d ever get the chance to do this again. Kurt was surprised
when Blaine’s hips jerked forward suddenly the second he squeezed his ass. He
felt something hard against his hip and he realized that it was Blaine. Blaine
had a hard-on for him.
That knowledge left Kurt feeling dizzy and even more wanton. Both of them were
breathing heavy as Blaine continued to mouth at Kurt’s neck and snap his hips
against Kurt’s. It was so much better than any of Kurt’s fantasies ever were.
No matter how many movies he saw or books he read, nothing had prepared him for
how overwhelming another boy’s lips could be when they were pressing against
him.
Kurt shifted his hips slightly and both of them moaned loudly in pleasure as
their hard-ons brushed against each other for the first time. Even though they
were still wearing layers of jeans and boxers, Kurt couldn’t wrap his mind
around the fact that his dick was pressing against Blaine’s.
Blaine pulled away, his mouth making a pornographic smack as it detached from
him. He grabbed onto Kurt’s hands and dragged him over to the couch until they
were tripping over each other’s feet and fell onto the cushions in an
undignified tangle of limbs. Kurt was pleased with the feeling of Blaine’s
weight on top of him, a bit heavy, but not uncomfortable. It felt safe,
wonderful, and when he spread his legs a little bit wider, it felt like home.
“How drunk are you?” Blaine asked, holding himself up on his elbows and trying
his best to keep his hips away from Kurt’s. Kurt kept thrusting up, wanting to
continue what they’d started against the wall, knowing that it wouldn’t take
much more for him to find release. He desperately needed a release, the
tightness in his jeans was more than just constricting, it was murderous. If
Kurt didn’t come soon, he was going to die.
“I’m not sure,” Kurt said, breathless. Why was Blaine asking him questions at a
time like this? Didn’t he realize that Kurt was incapable of any thought that
wasn’t God, yes, please, right there?
“I need to know if you’re drunk enough to regret this in the morning,” Blaine
said. “I’m not going to force this on you.”
“Who cares?” Kurt said, straining up until he found Blaine’s lips and kissed
them roughly. Blaine seemed to lose himself in the kiss for a few minutes,
allowing their tongues to brush against each other before he pulled back again.
“You’re my best friend,” Blaine admitted, sitting up on the couch to give Kurt
more room to breathe and obtain a sense of sanity. “I don’t want to do anything
to mess this up.”
“You’re not going to,” Kurt said. “I want this, I promise.”
Blaine looked Kurt over, searching his face to see how serious he was. Kurt
silently urged him not to stop. He didn’t think he would be able to take it if
Blaine managed to friend-zone him now. It would go down as the single most
horrifying experience of his life.
“Okay,” Blaine said with a please smile before laying down on Kurt completely
and kissing him with open lips, forceful tongue and just the right amount of
teeth to continue being sexy and not push over the edge into too-rough.
Kurt pulled Blaine down by his hips, trying to get him to thrust against him
again. Blaine took the hint and started rolling his hips in a way that made
Kurt’s eyes roll into the back of his head. Kurt let his hands wander up under
Blaine’s shirt, loving the feel of warm skin and his toned back. Kurt had seen
Blaine shirtless many times, but he’d never been granted the privilege of being
able to touch the flawless skin, marred only by a single, long scar on his
back. A scar that suddenly made more sense as Kurt started putting together the
pieces of Blaine.
“You’re surprisingly good at this for a boy that claims to have no practice,”
Blaine said, moaning out as one of Kurt’s hands snaked around to rub at
Blaine’s nipple.
“I have an excellent text subject,” Kurt responded, into Blaine’s ear. He
licked up the lobe, testing out something he’d read before. It seemed weird to
be licking another boy’s ear, but if the way Blaine was keening was any
indication, it must have felt amazing.
Blaine grabbed at Kurt’s hips forcefully and rolled them over, forgetting they
were on a small couch. The two of them fell right to the floor with a loud
thud, knocking over the glasses that had been on the table in front of them.
“Oops,” Blaine said as Kurt’s laugh was silenced by Blaine’s mouth on his.
Kurt felt freer on top; he had more of a sense of control. He quickly sped up
his thrusting, paying attention to rub against Blaine each time, knowing that
would get him there the fastest. God did he want to be there already, the
stirring in his stomach and throbbing in his jeans was too much to bear at this
point.
“Blaine,” Kurt whined, snapping his hips harshly against Blaine’s.
“It’s okay,” Blaine said, his voice deeper that he had ever heard it before.
Kurt kissed his way down Blaine’s neck before reaching the collar of his polo.
Feeling daring, he began unbuttoning it, pulling it aside so he could latch his
mouth onto Blaine’s chest.
“Fuck,” Blaine called out, making Kurt feel proud. He’d done that, he’d made
Blaine lose control.
Blaine had one hand tangled in Kurt’s hair and the other was scratching
desperately at his back, trying to find something solid to grip onto as they
both lost their hold on reality. All too soon, the feelings became overwhelming
and Kurt had to pull away. He’d masturbated before, but never had he been this
hard. It was painful to even brush up against anything and he wasn’t sure he
could even handle having an orgasm right now.
“Shhh,” Blaine sat up with him, rubbing his back soothingly. “It’s okay.”
“I can’t,” Kurt admitted, quietly, ashamed that this had to be happening to him
now. “It’s too much.”
“It’s normal,” Blaine said, slowly running his hand down Kurt’s chest until it
reached the stop of Kurt’s jeans. “The first orgasm with somebody else is
always a little intense. Let me help you.”
Blaine’s hand didn’t move and Kurt realized he was waiting for permission to
touch. Kurt nodded his head slowly, not daring to open his eyes and watch.
Blaine unzipped his pants and carefully snuck his hand into Kurt’s briefs. Kurt
jumped at the sensation of another man’s hand on his hard dick. He almost came
on the spot.
Blaine began licking up his neck and whispering softly into his ear as his hand
slowly began pumping Kurt.
“You’re so beautiful,” Blaine said breathlessly.
Kurt let out a strangled cry, barely believing this turn of events. Just last
night Blaine had been his straight friend that would never see him in any
sexual way. Now here they were with Blaine’s hand around Kurt’s cock,
whispering that he was perfect. Begging Kurt to come. Telling him that it was
okay to let it out, to moan loudly and fuck into Blaine’s hand.
As Blaine’s hand increased its pace, Kurt’s moans became louder and louder and
Blaine’s words became filthier.
“God, I’ve wanted to touch you for so long,” Blaine said as he nibbled on his
ear. “You’re so sexy and you don’t even know it.”
“Fuck,” Kurt said, kicking his feet out as his orgasm overtook his body. Blaine
patiently stroked him through in and only pulled his hand away when the
sensation became too much for Kurt to handle.
Kurt felt completely boneless as he rolled off of Blaine and lay motionless.
Blaine propped himself up on his elbow and stared down at Kurt, looking happier
than Kurt had ever seen him before.
“You okay?” he asked, sweetly running his hand down the side of Kurt’s face.
“I’m fine,” he said quickly. Kurt blushed, embarrassed that Blaine had seen him
lose control so much.
“That might have been the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Blaine said, leaning
down to give him a soft kiss on the forehead.
Kurt rolled his eyes, doubtful if that was true. Blaine himself admitted to
hooking up with college boys that looked like Abercrombie models. He was
positive Blaine’s previous partners didn’t lose their cool and have to pull
away just after some fully clothed frottage. They probably got much further
before they even came close. They at least would have been able to return the
favor and give Blaine a…
Oh shit.
“Did you need me to, um…” Kurt didn’t know how to finish that sentence. How did
one go about asking another man if he needed a hand job to get off? It just
seemed awkward. “Sorry, I got a little distracted. I didn’t even…”
Great, now Kurt really sounded like a virgin.
“Oh no,” Blaine said with an easy laugh. “You more than helped out, thanks.”
Kurt gave him a curious look, not sure what Blaine was talking about.
“I can’t remember the last time I actually came in my pants,” Blaine explained
further, rubbing his finger up and down Kurt’s arm with a small smile. “It was
pretty hot.”
“Oh,” Kurt said, surprised. Had Blaine really came just by watching him? That
was interesting and certainly something Kurt would need to think about later,
once his brain started fully functioning again.
“I’m still sorry I couldn’t help out,” Kurt apologized, feeling like it was
probably the proper thing to do.
“Next time,” Blaine promised, before laying his head down against Kurt’s chest.
The two lay quietly, trying to catch their breath and eventually they both feel
asleep together, sated by their mutual orgasms.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Kurt woke up the next morning content. He felt boneless in the way that only
happens after a complete, deep sleep. He was satisfied and oddly... sticky?
It took him a moment to realize that he wasn't in his own bed. He wasn't even
in his house. It wasn't until somebody started nuzzling at his neck that he
remembered where he was. It didn't take much after that for the memories to
start flooding back in full color.
Blaine. Kurt was at Blaine's house. He'd kissed Blaine. They'd actually made
out. Then Blaine had touched him... Kurt had gotten off with another boy. Not
just any boy-Blaine.
Kurt's mind was full of images of Blaine with darkened eyes, swollen lips and
breathless exhilaration. They'd had sex. Okay, most people probably wouldn't
consider it sex, Kurt reminded himself. But still... he'd done sexual things.
Him! The boy Karofsky said would never find love. Kurt felt so adult.
It felt strange to say. He was a man now, according to society.
Kurt kept his eyes closed and tried to relish the feeling of Blaine's arms
wrapped around him from behind, nose buried in the back of his neck. It felt so
safe and serene. Kurt was terrified that would all disappear the second he
moved. Blaine would wake up, realize what he'd done and who he'd done it with
and call it a drunken mistake. Kurt would never get to be held like this again.
He needed to cherish this moment as long as he could.
Sadly, his body didn't seem to agree. His stomach was already churning,
courtesy of all the wine he'd consumed the night before. His head was
throbbing. The room felt like it was spinning and Kurt didn't want to know how
much worse it would be if he opened his eyes. Or God, what about when he
actually had to move?
Ok, so maybe drinking that much wasn't the best idea. He'd have to remember
that for next time. How did Blaine put himself through that on a regular basis?
Kurt was ready to swear off alcohol forever with how crappy he felt.
"Oh God," Blaine groaned behind him.
Kurt turned around in his arms to meet his eyes, regretting it immediately.
Even that small movement caused the entire world to turn around and flip his
stomach violently.
"Is it always this bad?" Kurt asked, trying to sound normal. Blaine obviously
hadn't put the pieces of last night together. He hadn't let go of his grip on
Kurt's hip at least. Kurt didn't plan on reminding him.
"It'll get better once we get something to eat," Blaine said, burying himself
into Kurt's side. Blaine's body was on fire which was making Kurt feel even
grosser. They hadn't bothered cleaning themselves up last night and that mixed
with the overheated basement was making a shower absolutely overdue.
Still, Kurt could put off showering for a bit longer. Blaine was just too
adorable to abandon with his bed messed curls and sleepy affection. Kurt
desperately wanted to take a picture, but he knew that would be creepy.
"I don't think I can eat," Kurt said. It was true, his stomach was too upset,
but it wasn't what Kurt really wanted to say. What he really wanted to say was
'Thank you,' 'I think I love you,' and 'You're utterly perfect.'
He didn't think Blaine wanted to hear any of those things though, so he kept
them to himself.
"The grease help soak up any alcohol you still have in your system.  Plus it'll
give me a chance to take you out so we can talk," Blaine said, his voice was
still scratchy with sleep but he was starting to wake up more. His grip on
Kurt's waist loosened but he didn't let go. Kurt was confused, what did that
mean?
"Is that the point where you tell me this was all a mistake?" Kurt asked, not
knowing if he would be able to sit though that conversation.
"Do you think it was a mistake?" Blaine countered.
He wasn't playing fair. Obviously Kurt couldn't handle this like a rational
person when Blaine's thumb was tracing the outline of his hip bone.
"That's cheating. I asked you first," Kurt said, more breathless than was
acceptable. Nobody had ever touched him the ways Blaine touched him. The only
people that attempted to touch him were family and bullies. This was different
and overwhelming in a heart squeezing perfect way.
"Ok, fair enough," Blaine replied, playfully squeezing his side.
That has to be a good sign, right? Kurt thought. Sure, Blaine was a flirt, but
he wouldn't send such mixed signals when trying to let Kurt down easy. He
wasn't stupid.
"I think that we were really drunk last night," Blaine continued. Kurt felt all
of his silly hope deflate faster than a balloon.
"Of course," Kurt said, willing himself to stay strong. Blaine didn't need to
see his disappointment. Kurt should have known better than to think Blaine
would ever want him.
"Would you let me finish?" Blaine asked, frustrated. Kurt wanted to tell him
there was no point, he understood perfectly, but he let him continue.
"I think we were really drunk so it probably wasn't the best idea to fool
around. I know what it's like to have your first time happen under the
influence of alcohol and regret it in the light of day. I never wanted it to be
like that for you. If we were going to do something, I wanted you to remember
it soberly and not regret it," Blaine finished, looking genuinely upset.
"It's okay," Kurt said, not wanting Blaine to feel guilty over something that
wasn't a problem for Kurt.
Sure, it would have been better sober. Kurt probably would have stopped at
making out and wouldn't have rushed into things. It felt weird to say that the
first time he'd truly kissed a boy was also the first time he'd gotten a hand
job. It made him feel a bit slutty. Had it happened with anyone but Blaine he'd
be seriously freaking out, but it hasn't. Now, Kurt just felt like it'd been
inevitable. Whether it happened drunk last night or sober after a few dates,
they'd have ended up in the same spot.
"It's not okay," Blaine said with a sad smile. "But I'm glad I didn't fuck
things up enough that you still care enough to lie."
"If you feel bad, we could always try it again sober," Kurt said the last part
quickly, too embarrassed, too nervous about the possibility of being turned
down.
"Yeah?" Blaine said with a surprised smile.
Kurt felt his face flush and he knew that he was red all over.
"You're adorable when you blush," Blaine said leaning in close so that their
faces were almost touching. Kurt was painfully aware of his morning breath and
the fact that his face had to be disgusting from a night without his
moisturizing routine. His pants were sticky and he reeked of alcohol.
"I should probably go," Kurt said. "I need to shower and change out of these
pants."
"Aw," Blaine groaned playfully. "You can't stay a bit longer? I wanted to try
out this sober making out thing you suggested."
Kurt was flabbergasted. He had been able to handle Blaine's flirtatious jokes
before when he knew they weren't going to lead anywhere. This was different.
This had potential and Kurt had zero experience. He didn't know what he was
supposed to say or not say and he really didn't want to make a fool out of
himself with Blaine, who was used to dating experienced college boys.
"You could always borrow some of my clothes if that's what's bothering you,"
Blaine said hotly into his ear. He was running a distracting hand over Kurt's
stomach. "Unless you're just trying to ditch me for some hotter date you've got
lined up."
How Blaine managed to possess so many different layers confused Kurt. One
minute he was an emotional mess, the next he was a sincere gentleman, then
suddenly he'd be this overconfident sex god that no high schooler had a right
to be. How could somebody be so confident and insecure at the same time?
"Come on, Kurt," Blaine whispered seductively into his ear. "Tell me you don't
want me."
"You're not playing fair," Kurt said glaring at him like he'd done something
offensive when it was really quite the opposite.
"You can't really expect me to," Blaine teased, nibbling lightly at Kurt's
neck. It was bold. Kurt didn't think he'd ever feel sure enough of himself to
try a move like that, but he wasn't going to fault Blaine for it. Not when it
felt so Earth shatteringly good.
"You threatened to leave first, I've gotta play every card in my hand," Blaine
said, pulling away with an innocent smile, like he didn't know exactly what he
was doing.
"Fine," Kurt sighed, acting put out. They both knew that was obviously a lie.
Blaine stood up and pulled Kurt up with him. It took them both a minute for the
world to stop spinning and their stomachs to settle again before they were
alright enough to continue. Kurt let himself be led, hand tangled with
Blaine's, up the stairs until they were in Blaine's bedroom.
Kurt had been in here before, several times in fact, but never once as
Blaine's... well he couldn't really call himself his boyfriend. Not yet, at
least. But ‘friends’ seemed like an odd term for two people that shared what
they'd shared last night.
It was strange to sit on Blaine's bed and know what could happen now. What Kurt
wanted to be able to do on that bed, what he'd always believed he'd never be
allowed to do.
Blaine came out of his closet holding up a clean pair of boxer-briefs and red
jeans.
"I know it's not exactly up to your usual standard of fashion, but I'm pretty
sure they'll fit you alright since they are too long on me.
"Thanks," Kurt said, grabbing the clothes from him and holding them up to his
waist. They should fit. Kurt got a warm tingle thinking about sharing clothes
with Blaine. It wasn't a big deal to most people, but to Kurt, who lived for
clothes, it was a level of trust and intimacy that he treasured.
"There's an extra toothbrush in the drawer," Blaine said, gesturing to the
bathroom.
Kurt closed the bathroom door behind himself and took a moment to really look
in the mirror. He tried to ignore the obvious dry skin around his forehead and
the patch of acne that was beginning to form on his chin after just one day
without his regimen. There was nothing that could be done about that now and he
hoped Blaine wouldn't be able to tell. Instead he really looked at himself. He
expected to look different. Older somehow, more mature. Yet all he saw was the
same awkward boy he always saw. He still had the bit of baby far around his
face that he couldn't lose. His posture was still too feminine to ever pass for
straight. He hadn't changed.
He didn't know what he'd expected, but he'd expected something. Some sort of
change so the outside world would be able to tell that things had changed. He
wasn't a freak. Somebody actually found him attractive. There was a boy on the
other side of that door, an attractive boy, who wanted him.
Kurt quickly brushed his teeth and changed into Blaine's pants. They weren’t
the usual skinny fit that Kurt usually bought, but they fit him well enough.
They certainly hugged at his ass in a way that Kurt wasn't ashamed of. He
wondered if he could get away with keeping them without Blaine noticing.
With one last look at himself, he stepped back into Blaine's room to find him
spread out in the bed, magazine in hand. When he looked up from the latest
issue of Vogue, his eyes widened comically.
"Damn," Blaine said, licking his lips and quickly getting to his feet.
"They fit," Kurt said, trying not to smile too bright as Blaine looped his
fingers into the belt loops and pulled him in close to kiss him on the lips.
It was even better now that they were sober. Kurt's mind wasn't clouded by wine
and he could appreciate every aspect of this. The way Blaine's unshaven chin
rubbed against his cheek just so. The way his tongue tasted like his mint
toothpaste. How he made this barely audible content hum the second their lips
met.
Kissing Blaine was heaven.
"You can make anything look good," Blaine said, pulling away so he could drag
Kurt over to the bed.
"You're just saying that to butter me up," Kurt said with a happy giggle.
Blaine shrugged but didn't say anything. He pushed Kurt backwards until he was
sitting on end of the bed, then he settled himself between Kurt's knees,
leaning in to kiss him again.
This time the kisses were deeper, more passionate. He picked up Kurt's hands to
settle them on his own waist before draping his arms around Kurt's neck. Kurt
had to tilt his head back to reach Blaine's lips from this position but he
wasn't complaining. He liked the feel of Blaine settling between his legs. He
liked it even more when Blaine climbed onto the bed and straddled his hips.
"Oh God," Kurt called out loudly as Blaine's semi-hard erection brushed against
his.
Blaine pulled back to give him an amused look. He grinded against him again,
giggling happily when Kurt moaned loudly.
"Shut up," Kurt said, trying not to blush. He never realized how loud he would
be, but he couldn't contain it. Blaine just made him feel so many things so
strongly.
Kurt was just starting to get fully hard with all of Blaine's teasing when the
sound of the garage door opening caused Blaine to literally fall off of the
bed.
"I thought nobody was coming home until tomorrow?" Kurt asked, confused.
"Shit," Blaine said standing up and looking around frantically.
"Blaine?!" a woman's voice called as the door opened downstairs. "Sweetheart,
we're home!"
"Shit, shit, shit," Blaine continued to freak out and moved around the room
like he could somehow stop time if he ran fast enough.
Kurt stood up awkwardly, trying to will his erection away. The fear of being
caught hadn't quite reached his dick yet. It was understandable; his body had
gone from a lap full of eager, attractive Blaine to nothing in a matter of
seconds.
There were footsteps coming up the stairs loudly and before Kurt could even
consider hiding, Blaine's door flew open.
"Blaine, we-Oh, I um... Hello," Mrs. Anderson said with her heavily accented
voice. She looked at Kurt awkwardly. "Blaine didn't tell me he was having a
friend over."
"Mom, this is Kurt," Blaine said with a forced smile. "He's one of my friends
from school. He was just helping me with that History paper I've been
struggling with."
She clicked her tongue in a disbelieving way and mumbled something in Tagalog
that made Blaine blush.
"It's not like that," Blaine explained. "We weren't doing anything."
She took another look at Kurt, and he could feel her inspecting his neck. He
tried not to cower in her presence, but her disapproving, tired look made him
want to crawl in a hole and die. He knew he wasn't good enough for Blaine; she
didn't have to tell him.
"Blaine, your father's had a long week, perhaps its best that Kurt goes," she
said sounding exhausted. Blaine just nodded and gestured towards the door, Kurt
followed him out with an awkward goodbye to Mrs. Anderson.
They both headed down the stairs where they ran into Mr. Anderson who looked at
Kurt like he was a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of his $1,000 Salvatore
Ferragamo shoes. Kurt was used to feeling unaccepted. He was used to being
treated as less than human. It wasn't often from adults though and never was it
by his potential boyfriend's parents. He felt more than just unwelcome, he felt
dirty and wrong. Kurt couldn't ever imagine his dad treating Blaine like that,
even if it was fairly obvious Kurt had spent the night. It begged the question,
just how did Blaine's parents deal with his sexuality?
"I'm so sorry about that," Blaine apologized the second they were outside and
the door was securely closed behind them. "I never would have had you over if I
realized they'd be home so early. They're a bit... much."
"It's okay," Kurt said trying to smile even though he felt unwanted and more
than a little insecure. It wasn't like Kurt could tactfully ask Blaine what the
hell was wrong with his parents.
"It’s a shame they had to interrupt us," Blaine said, looking back to his house
before shyly taking Kurt's hands into his own.
"I know," Kurt responded feeling his face heat up at the thought of what
Blaine's mom had interrupted.
Blaine leaned in to give him an innocent kiss on the lips, both of them knowing
better than starting more when his parents could look out the window and see
them. As their lips separated, Blaine purposefully kept his face close to his
so that his nose was brushing against his cheek. Blaine's fingers played with
the hair on the back of his neck, teasing him and sending shivers down his
spine that had nothing to do with the December chill. Both of them clearly
wanted more but knew it would have to be goodbye for now.
"Please grab some fast food on the way home," Blaine said. "It'll help with the
hangover. I don't want your dad to see you like this; he'll really think I'm a
bad influence."
"Maybe you are," Kurt teased.
"Oh, I know I am. I was just hoping it would take you longer to figure that
out," he said.
"Why?" Kurt asked curiously as he wrapped his arms around Blaine to keep him
warm. He was shivering after only throwing on a sweatshirt to walk him outside.
"So you wouldn't leave me," Blaine said playfully, but the comment was like a
punch in the gut for Kurt. What made Blaine think he would ever leave him? They
were best friends, Kurt wasn't just going to abandon him because he found out
he wasn't perfect. Was that really was Blaine thought?
****
Later that night, Kurt lay in his room unable to study for the Science test he
had on Tuesday. Every time he opened his book and tried to memorize the
Periodic Table he just kept picturing Blaine over him, grinding against him in
that irresistible way. He could still remember the feeling of Blaine's heavy,
desperate tongue against his own. He knew that focusing would be impossible.
The question was what to do about it.
His iPod was playing in the background, one of the bands Blaine recommended to
him. It did nothing to help get his thoughts back to Science. Kurt realized he
might as well stop pretending it was possible and just text him. They texted
constantly before, why would tonight be any different? All avoiding texting
Blaine was doing was making him think of Blaine more and in the way that made
his pants significantly tighter.
Kurt stood up and pulled his phone out of the player and settled back into his
bed.
To Blaine:
What are you doing?
Simple, Kurt thought, completely normal, not needy at all. He could totally do
this.
To Kurt:
dinner with the parents. My dad continues to pretend that you weren't here this
morning and his son isn't gay
To Blaine:
Blaine...
Kurt didn't know how he was supposed to respond to that. He felt guilty that
he'd put Blaine in an awkward situation with his parents. At the same point, he
didn't. Blaine was gay, if they didn't like that it wasn't Kurt's fault.
To Kurt:
just distract me-it's fine
To Blaine:
If you want to talk about it?
To Kurt:
I know where to find you-I know. I just can't now. Please :/
Kurt felt bad knowing that Blaine was upset and he wouldn't talk to him about
it, but if a distraction was what he needed, Kurt could do that. He didn't
exactly know how to do that, but he could try.
To Blaine:
I watched The Proposal today. Shirtless Ryan Reynolds is the best.
Kurt wasn't sure if that was the kind of thing Blaine was looking for, but he
figured he'd give it a try. This would have been easy before. He would have
brought up some TV show and they would have bitched about the main character.
That was when they were friends though. Now they were something more. Kurt
didn't know what kind of things Blaine texted his past boyfriends about but he
knew those boyfriends were in college. They were probably much less G-rated
than Kurt's texts.
Oh God, is that what Blaine would expect from him? Could Kurt do that? God, he
was messing this up, that's why Blaine wasn't responding right away. Kurt
hadn't even been given a chance to try and already he had failed.
To Kurt:
sounds like you're having a much better day than me :(
Ok, this was good. This was ok. Kurt could send a flirtatious text, right? How
hard could it be? He thought about all these things he wanted to do to Blaine
before. He'd said most of these things in his head. Hell, he'd read some NC-17
Jacob/Bella fics before on Tumblr—he could do this.
To Blaine:
Not better than last night ;)
Oh God! Was the winking emoticon too much? It was too much. Blaine was going to
see how painfully inexperienced he was and ditch him for the next college guy
he met.
To Kurt:
Kurt Hummel! Are you trying to sext me?! I'm scandalized!
Shit, Blaine had seen through him. Even worse, he hadn't wanted him to send
sexy messages. Kurt Hummel wasn’t even sexy, what made him think he could be?
Last night and this morning was just a fluke. Blaine had come to his senses. He
was going to forget all about it. How was Kurt supposed to get out of this one
after the slutty message he'd sent. Stupid winking emoticon, he could have
denied the whole thing if it wasn't for that sassy wink.
He was such an idiot.
To Blaine:
What?
No!
I wasn't I swear!
Yes, deny it to the grave, Kurt thought.
To Kurt:
I know-I'm joking. Calm down babe.
To Blaine:
Ok, good.
Great, crisis averted. Just...why did Blaine call him babe? He'd never done
that before. Was he just trying to make Kurt feel even more humiliated?
To Kurt:
not that there would have been anything wrong with that
you know, if you had been
Kurt was really confused. Was Blaine asking for him to sext him now? It sure
sounded like it. Maybe Kurt could play it off as a joke, see if Blaine was
serious before he embarrassed himself again.
To Blaine:
Blaine Anderson! Are you ASKING me to sext you? I'm scandalized!
There, he thought. It could be read as flirtatious teasing or as a friend
messing around. No harm no foul. Perfectly neutral territory.
To Kurt:
you didn't seem that scandalized when my hands were down your pants last night
Okay, so definitely asking him to sext him. This would be okay. Maybe Kurt
could Google how to properly send sexy text messages. Yes, that would be best.
Let the dirty minds of the internet explain the mechanics to a painfully
inexperienced boy. He dragged his laptop over to him while typing out a message
to Blaine.
To Blaine:
Sadly I didn’t get to return the favor. I feel like I missed half the fun :/
Kurt opened his search engine and typed out how to send sexy text messages. Not
surprisingly, Cosmopolitan had several articles on the subject that Kurt
figured he could trust. That was the site that everyone used for sex tips or
something, wasn’t it? Kurt had never really gone looking for sex advice before.
He’d never thought he’d need to.
Can you add me to your list of things to do today? Really Cosmo. Really? How
was Kurt supposed to send that? He would sound like an idiot.
To Kurt:
Well we can’t have that, can we?
God, Kurt couldn’t respond with anything that these websites were telling him
to say. They didn’t even have any helpful tips because everything was so
contradictory. Keep the messages vague, let his imagination run wild was
written right under describe every detail of what you’d do to him. This wasn’t
going to work. He should just give up and try it on his own. Blaine knew him.
He knew that Kurt wasn’t some crazy porn star; he was initiating a sext with
him anyway. Blaine had to know what he was doing.
It would be okay. Just be yourself, Kurt thought.
To Blaine:
I mean, not if you want me to have the true “first” experience and all. I think
you’ll have to fix that.
To Kurt:
Don't start something you’re not ready to finish ;)
Blaine was teasing him. This was good; Kurt was comfortable in this territory.
He could act cocky and poke at Blaine.
To Blaine:
Oh, I think last night more than proves I’m ready. If I remember correctly,
only one of us couldn’t wait long enough to finish things properly...
To Kurt:
I can’t help it if you’re so incredibly attractive when you’re moaning my name.
Kurt blushed a bit at that. He was still embarrassed at how wanton he had
sounded when they were together, but if that was a turn on for Blaine… well
Kurt could learn to get past that embarrassment.
To Blaine:
You liked that? Me moaning your name? Letting you know how badly I wanted you?
God, Kurt didn’t even recognize himself right now, but he felt sexy—bold. He’d
never taken the time to think about his own sexuality past the fact that boys
gave him hard ons and the thought of boobs made him cringe. Maybe Kurt would be
better at this than he thought. He certainly was catching on quickly. He was
almost starting to become comfortable with the stirring in the pit of his
stomach each time his phone light up with an incoming text.
To Kurt:
I want you so much right now, it’s not fair.
To Blaine:
Come over
Kurt replied it almost instantly. The tightening of his pants was starting to
reach a level that wasn’t easy to ignore. If they kept this up, he was going to
have to take care of it. God, he would rather have it taken care of by Blaine.
He’d love to feel those smooth hands on him again.
To Kurt:
Can’t. Early practice tom. Parents won’t let me leave :(
To Blaine:
Morning practices on Mondays now? Intense.
To Kurt:
I’d rather be doing something else intense…
You’re supposed to be distracting me from my parents, not reminding me about
how my dad is making me take private morning lessons on my days off.
To Blaine:
Right.
I don’t really know how to do this
Honesty, that was the best place to start right. Blaine could tell him exactly
what he expected out of these texts and Kurt could give that to him. No more
guessing and hoping he’d say something to spark Blaine’s interest.
To Kurt:
You’re doing fine so far
To Blaine:
?
To Kurt:
Keep talking about wanting me. About how you moaned. I’m getting hard just
thinking of the sounds you make with that pretty mouth.
Kurt tried not to think about all the experience Blaine must have if he could
come up with those things so quickly. Kurt palmed himself over his jeans,
trying to relieve some of the pressure there.
To Kurt:
And we’ve barely even started. Imagine the sounds I could make if we really
started to fool around.
As Kurt undid the top button of his jeans, he felt all of his shame and filter
go out the window. Nothing mattered except what felt good—what felt right.
To Kurt:
Hmmmm. What would you like us to do?
To Blaine:
Well the first thing I’d have to do is get that shirt off of you. I’d need to
have those hard earned muscles of yours on display.
To Kurt:
That can be arranged. Knew swimming would be good for something ;)
To Blaine:
It’s been good for a lot.
I’d lick down your chest until I got to your hips.
I’ve always wanted to bite at your muscles there and claim you as mine.
To Kurt:
You have the softest lips. I’d be putty in your hands. You could do anything to
me.
To Blaine:
Good to know ;)
To Kurt:
I would be aching by the time you got through with me. I’d be begging for you
to touch me...
To Blaine:
I’d play coy for a bit. I wouldn’t want you to know how hard I am for you.
To Kurt:
Are you?
Hard?
To Blaine:
You know I would be.
To Kurt:
Are you now? Are those perfect hands touching yourself?
Kurt flushed as he looked down at his left hand which had found its way into
his unzipped pants. How could he not be hard when Blaine was talking to him
like this—when he could picture Blaine sending these messages so close to his
disapproving parents? It felt exciting—exhilarating.
To Blaine:
Only because I’m trying to remember how your hands felt
To Kurt:
Shit that’s got to be a sight.
To Blaine:
You sure you can’t come over and see for yourself?
Kurt was struggling to text with his right hand while his left was currently
pumping at a delicious rhythm.
To Kurt:
Don’t be mean. I really can’t.
Fuck.
Are you really
Touching yourself? Shit.
To Blaine:
What you want me to send a picture and prove it to you?
Haha.
To Kurt:
Yes.
The response came instantly. So instantly that it shocked him.
To Blaine:
I was joking…
Kurt stared at his phone for a few more moments, waiting for Blaine to respond
back but he didn’t. Was that really what Blaine wanted? Was that what Kurt
wanted? The excited peak in arousal told him yes, but his head told him no.
He’d read the horror stories of girls sending naked pictures. Read about how
the pictures became leaked and the bullying the girls had had to endure
afterwards. There had been a girl at his old school whose sex tape with her
boyfriend had leaked and it had gone viral. She’d been committed to the
hospital on suicide watch a week later.
Kurt knew it was wrong. He knew it. So why did the thought sound so appealing?
Probably because it was Blaine. Blaine was his closest friend and he would
never do that to him. Kurt could trust him. Kurt typed out his next text
nervously, still not 100% sure about what he was agreeing to.
To Blaine:
Ok.
Kurt pulled his pants down with shaky hands and stared at his fully erect,
slightly leaking cock. It was decent size, he thought at least. Nothing
terribly impressive, but not embarrassingly small either. He wondered what
Blaine would think when he saw it. He had had his hands on it before, but he
hadn’t really had a chance to openly gawk at it. Perhaps it was better Blaine
was getting a picture of it first. If Blaine didn’t find it sexy, at least Kurt
wouldn’t have to see his face.
He took a picture of it on his phone and immediately erased it. It looked
cheesy, like he was some wannabe porn star. Besides, it just looked so awkward
there. Flopping around on his stomach hard and begging to be touched. He tried
three more pictures from different angles, deleting every one of them.
Finally he grabbed a hold of his cock and started stroking it, thinking it had
to look less awkward than it just laying there. He snapped a picture quickly
and sent it off before he could start doubting himself again.
To Kurt:
Fivking shot!
Fucking shit*
Sorry.
That’s just
Do you know how sexy you are?
To Blaine:
Tell me.
Kurt wasn’t going to turn away compliments from the sexiest boy in Ohio. Not
when he was feeling so vulnerable and exposed after sending that picture.
To Kurt:
I’m eating dinner with my parents, hiding my phone under the table with a
raging hard on for you.
To Blaine:
Awkward for you ;)
Kurt knew it was wrong to reveal in Blaine’s pain, but knowing that he could do
that to Blaine when he was in such a public place? It was empowering and so
incredibly sexy.
To Blaine:
Seems like you need some help relieving that.
To Kurt:
I’m going to be stuck at this table until they leave!
To Blaine:
If I was there, I could help you. Get you off under the table. They wouldn’t
even have to notice.
To Kurt:
I’d have a hard time containing my pleasure.
But I’d do it for you.
To feel those hands on me.
To Blaine:
Who said I’d be using my hands?
The two of them texted each other back and forth for a good two hours. Kurt
eventually fell asleep after his second orgasm and Blaine’s first picture of
his own once he’d finally been able sneak upstairs.
The next day, Kurt felt like he was walking on cloud nine. He couldn’t stop
thinking about how perfect his life had become ever since moving to Lima. He
had friends now. He had a boyfriend—could he call Blaine his boyfriend yet? He
even had Glee club. After school today he would get to walk into that choir
room and sing like he’d never been allowed to at his old school. There was
nothing that would bring him down.
Suddenly, a stinging pain hit him in the face like he’d been slapped. It was
cold and burned his eyes and when he finally opened them to see where the
laughing was coming from, all he could make out was a couple of letterman
jackets walking away yelling over their shoulders.
“Welcome to the Glee Club, bitch.”
***** Chapter 7 *****
“Welcome to the Glee Club, bitch.”
The words were ringing in his head over and over as chunks of ice dripped down
the back of his shirt and into his pants. Finn had warned him that kids at
McKinley liked to throw slushies at people, but Kurt had never actually seen it
happen to anyone, let alone had it happen to him. It sounded ridiculous and
stupid, but in reality it was so much worse. He could barely open his eyes
without getting more chucks of ice and red dye in them, but he couldn’t help
trying to blink the ice he already had in his eye out.
He lifted his hands to try and scoop up as much slushie as he could and get it
off of himself before it could ruin his skin and clothes any further. This was
mortifying. He just knew that everyone was watching him and laughing at him. He
had to stay strong. He couldn’t let them know that they’d gotten to him.
At least you didn’t get pushed down the stairs, Kurt reminded himself. Or
kissed in the locker room. Nobody threatened to kill you, he thought. He should
probably take that as a win. It wasn’t pleasant—it was downright painful—but he
wouldn’t need to go to the hospital or need months of therapy. It would be
alright. Wouldn’t it?
A pair of strong hands grabbed him around the arm and made him flinch away,
assuming it was the slushie-throwers back to torment him some more.
“Come on, Cullen,” he heard Lauren’s familiar voice and he relaxed as she
pulled him away and heard the sound of a door opening and closing, shutting out
the sounds of the crowded hallway.
“I told you not to join the Glee club,” she said as she turned on a faucet and
pulled him closer to the sink. He kept his eyes closed as she began running a
wet towel over his face.
“I only auditioned on Friday, how did they even know?” Kurt asked.
“Word travels fast,” she explained. “Plus people are especially interested in
you because they assume since you’re gay you’re going to become Blaine’s fuck
buddy.”
Kurt blushed though he hoped she couldn’t tell since his entire face was
already stained red due to the slushie.
“It sort of feels like I’ve been bitch-slapped with an iceberg,” Kurt whined as
more ice dripped down into his pants. At this rate, his ass was going to be
stained red as well. Oh God, what if it was stained red forever? He would never
be able to show Blaine, he’d be too mortified.
“That’s normal,” Lauren explained, her voice sounding much kinder than it
usually did. The sarcasm that she had in spades was gone and she sounded sweet,
vulnerable even. Something Kurt never expected from somebody as tough and
confident as her. “At least they didn’t throw five at you claiming they needed
to supersize it because you were so fat.”
“That’s horrible,” Kurt said. “You know that’s not true.”
“It is,” Lauren said. “I’m fat.”
“Lauren…”
“I’m not ashamed of it,” she said, fiercely. “I look how America looks. You
think any of those cheerleaders are going to stay that thin forever? They are
going to go to college and gain their freshman fifteen, then they’ll keep
gaining weight as they get older and pregnant and they’ll start hating
themselves because they’ll never look like they did in high school. I’m fat.
It’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the people that think being a
size 2 is something to strive for that are disgusting.”
“How do you do that?” Kurt asked, always in awe of how confident she could be.
“How do you manage to be so sure of yourself when we’re in high school and
everyone hates everyone else?”
“I learned,” she explained as she started to try and take his shirt off.
Kurt pushed her away, slightly mortified. He could undress himself, thank you
very much. He pulled his sweater off and dumped it into the sink to soak. He
looked at the state of his white dress shirt, now splattered with red stains.
At least his sweater would cover it up once it dried. Maybe he could pretend he
was making a new fashion statement and he’d bought the shirt like this? It
certainly looked like something one of the crazy couture designers would come
up with.
“I’ve had years of people picking on me for being overweight. It sucked, I’m
not gonna pretend it didn’t. You know just as well as I do how mean kids are,”
she continued to explain as he worked at scrubbing his sweater clean.
His pants were still sticking to him, but there wasn’t much he could do about
that. He didn’t have a spare pair of pants that he could wear and jeans took
forever to dry. He could wear his gym shorts and go for an ironic 70s look, but
he’d really need a different set of accessories to pull that off...
“Then one day I had enough and I learned how to fight back,” she said. “I took
a self-defense class at the Y. Then I tried to join wrestling, and when the
school told me no, I had my parents sue them until they agreed to let me join.
Now people know better than to mess with me. They know I can take any one of
them in a fight, so they don’t bother.”
“I’m never going to be strong enough to fight back,” Kurt said, realizing it
was hopeless for him. He would never be able to stop this from happening. He’d
always be the kid that was too weak to hold his own.
“Then you fight them with your words. Be vicious. Don’t let them take anything
from you,” she said, leaning against the sink casually, like this was a
completely normal situation. “Power is a state of mind. They are all like
guppies, listening to whatever people tell them. If you treat them like they
aren’t important they might fight back harder at first, but eventually they’ll
realize that you’ve got more than they’ll ever have. They’ll leave you alone
because dealing with you will only make them feel worse about themselves in the
end. We’re better than all these people, Cullen. Do you know how many people in
this world are Team Edward?”
“Right,” he said, more to himself than anything.
The bathroom door opened and Puck walked in, doing a double take when he saw
Lauren.
“Isn’t this the men’s room?” he asked, giving her an amused look.
“Yes,” she said crossing her arms and daring him to tell her to leave.
“You were just hoping I’d show up for a little fun?” Puck asked. Lauren had
told him they’d made out before. He knew the she liked Puck; he just never
really got the full story from her. Obviously, there was a story to be told. He
planned on getting all the details out of her at lunchtime. If he gave her his
pudding cup, he could probably weasel the information out of her.
“I’m helping baby-face here clean up since somebody decided to give him his
breakfast via osmosis this morning,” she said accusingly.
“I didn’t do it!” Puck fired back, looking offended. “What’s a smosis?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Somebody did this and
I’m blaming you.”
“Go out with me,” he said, seemingly out of nowhere.
“I am way too much woman for you to handle and you’re not even a good kisser,”
she said.
Kurt was shocked, but tried not to let it show. He knew how much she liked him,
how could she act so carefree in front of him? Why was she turning down his
advances?
“Aw, come on, babe,” Puck responded with a seductive smile. “We had fun
together.”
“You really want to try and woo me?” Lauren asked and continued talking when
Puck nodded. “Hunt down whatever brainiac threw this slushie and let them know
I’m coming for them.”
“And then you’ll go out with me?”
“Wow, if these are the deductive reasoning skills I have to look forward to, I
don’t know how I’ll contain my lust,” she said sarcastically.
Once Puck left the bathroom, Kurt gave her a strange look. What exactly was all
of that supposed to be?
“That my dear, sweet, virginal vampire is how you keep a man like Puck
interested,” she explained.
Kurt wondered if she was right. Maybe Blaine wouldn’t be that interested in him
if he always came running whenever he called. Maybe he wanted somebody that
he’d have to work for?
“Though it’s also how you save face when he loses interest,” she added
bitterly.
****
Later that day, after Kurt’s sweater had dried but was still damaged beyond
repair, he was walking down the hallway when he was pulled into a closet from
behind. Kurt was about to smack whatever jock had decided to add kidnapping to
his rap sheet when he realized his kidnapper was Blaine.
“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, still breathing funny from the jolt of
adrenaline and fear that had gone through him.
“I heard about what happened earlier,” Blaine said, his hands not dropping from
where they’d grabbed him around the waist.
“And you decided to scar me even further with the terrifying thought of being
murdered in a janitor’s closet?” Kurt fired back, slowing starting to feel like
himself again.
“I decided to make sure you were okay and possibly kiss it better if you
weren’t,” Blaine said with an irresistible pout.
Kurt tried to hide his pleased smile, but it was almost impossible with the way
Blaine’s thumbs were rubbing at his sides—just faint enough to not tickle but
heavy enough to be noticed.
“Oh, well in that case, I’m most certainly not okay.”
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Blaine said his breath catching as he leaned in
to press their lips together.
Kurt closed his eyes and allowed himself to forget all about the mortifying
morning he’d had and get lost in the feeling of Blaine’s lips once again moving
against his. It would never grow old, the knowledge that Blaine not only wanted
to kiss him, but that he continued to want to kiss him. The fact that Kurt was
breathing in all of Blaine in a way that he’d never had the chance with anyone
else because Blaine was interested in him. Kurt turned Blaine on.
No, that was never going to be something he got used to.
Blaine slowly started to pry Kurt’s lips open until his tongue was pushing into
Kurt’s mouth, brushing against his teeth and then against his tongue. Kurt
could taste chocolate and mint and the faintest remnants of coffee and it all
made up a taste that Kurt would forever associate with Blaine.
Did he have a taste? Was Blaine breathing him in and memorizing everything
uniquely special about Kurt. Was he revealing in this as much as Kurt was? The
whine he let out told Kurt yes.
“Don’t you have class?” Kurt gasped when they both separated for air.
“Yes,” he responded without a hint of remorse.
Blaine had class. Straight A student Blaine had a class to go to yet he was
perfectly content to blow it off and spend the next period stuck in a dirty old
janitor’s closest making out with him. The thought sent a thrill down his
spine.
When their lips came together again, gliding over one another, Kurt felt his
heartbeat begin to quicken. He was sure Blaine could hear the pure lust pumping
loudly through his veins. Blaine’s right hand buried itself into Kurt’s hair,
latching on and pulling him as close as he could get. Kurt didn’t even have the
heart to worry about the state of his hair, he was too busy worrying over the
state of his lips and how they were attached to the most lovely of pairs. How
Blaine was sucking on his lower lip like it was candy.
His fingers began to unbutton Kurt’s sweater, then his dress shirt. There was a
sinful smack as Blaine pulled away from his lips. His head ducked down to mouth
at Kurt’s chin, then his neck, nibbling lightly. He continued to move down
Kurt’s body, groaning when his lips met the white cotton fabric of his
undershirt.
“Too many layers,” Blaine whined. His eyes were half-lidded with lust. “It’s
like you don’t want me to get to the prize.”
“Maybe I just think you need to work for it a bit,” Kurt said, barely able to
keep his voice from going into a whimper. He thought of Lauren and Puck and how
interested he looked every time she said no. Kurt didn’t think he could say no
to anything Blaine asked in this moment, he wasn’t sure how Lauren could.
Kurt’s hands went to Blaine’s waist and pulled his thin, black polo over his
head, revealing the precious abs that Kurt loved so dearly.
“Or maybe this is better,” he corrected himself with a groan. He ran his
fingers up and down Blaine’s bare chest. He smirked, face flushing and dick
hardening every time Blaine twitched and Kurt’s fingers moved over his nipples.
“Yes, this is better.”
Blaine growled at Kurt’s teasing and pushed him back until his feet met a chair
and he fell into it. Blaine wasted no time in straddling his lap.
“God, you are so fucking sexy,” Blaine whispered as his mouth descended on his
neck and began sucking at his pulse point.
Kurt’s hips jerked up instinctually as Blaine bit lightly, running his tongue
back over the new mark to soothe it. Blaine took that as a cue and began
grinding himself into Kurt’s lap, making them both shiver with need. Kurt let
out a loud moan as he felt Blaine’s hard-on against his. He was becoming
unhinged, unable to see anything past Blaine and getting rid of the insane
pressure in his too-tight jeans.
“Sh,” Blaine giggled, pinching his side playfully. “We have to be quiet.”
“Right,” Kurt reminded himself. There was only a thin wall and an old door
separating them from the rest of the school. That thought should have made him
slow down, but it only seemed to make him even more desperate for release. He
wanted this. He didn’t care who knew it. The two of them together just felt
natural and anyone that didn’t like that could kindly fuck off.
Blaine continued to pant heavily as he moved over Kurt making the most
outrageous, yet sexy faces. His hands were on Kurt’s shoulder, trying to keep
balanced as he moved his hips in the most immoral ways. Blaine was just as into
this as he was, and with that thought, Kurt couldn’t help but picture Blaine
over him, riding him without a stitch of clothes on. Kurt wondered how it would
feel to have his dick buried so far up Blaine’s ass that neither of them knew
where one started and the other began.
Wow, two days of fooling around with a boy and Kurt had already turned into a
slut. A sex-crazed slut. He couldn’t have sex with Blaine, not anal sex at
least. He wasn’t remotely ready, no matter how much his body was trying to tell
him otherwise. For now, this would do.
As Blaine’s hands moved to play with Kurt’s belt, his mind was starting to
short-circuit but he seemed to have enough hold on reality to stop him. Blaine
looked up, hurt and confused and so needy. Kurt leaned in to give him a
reassuring kiss, slowing down their hips so he could think clearly enough to
form words.
“It’s my turn,” he said boldly, letting his hands fall to Blaine’s belt as he
carefully began to undo it. No use ruining anyone’s clothes just because they
were too wanton to slow down. Blaine was wearing a Brooks Brothers belt after
all and Kurt would hate to see such a beautiful accessory get torn in their sex
haze.
“Oh god, yes,” Blaine whispered catching his mouth in another searing kiss.
Kurt’s fingers fumbled with the button on Blaine’s red pants as he became too
distracted. Their teeth crashed as they both tried to take control of the kiss.
Kurt grabbed onto Blaine’s hips to make him start moving faster, thrusting up
quickly, needing more friction. Blaine shook his head, taking Kurt’s hand and
putting it on his crotch. Kurt could feel how hard Blaine was. He could trace
the outline of his cock through his bright red pants. It was everything Kurt
had thought it would be. He was touching another man’s dick and it was hot. Not
that there was any doubt about it before, but this 100% confirmed things. He
was gay.
So gay.
He wasn’t even embarrassed to say it. If he got to touch Blaine this way, he’d
scream it from every rooftop no matter how many staircases he got pushed down
for it.
Blaine started to whine helplessly, so Kurt took pity on him and unzipped his
pants. He dipped his hand into Blaine’s black briefs and gripped onto his dick,
pulling it out gently, like it was a precious, fragile jewel.
“Shit,” Blaine cried as quietly as he could manage, reaching out for something
to hold onto, but only he managed to clutch at thin air.
Eventually he found the wall and pressed his weight against that, moving his
hips up and down trying to force Kurt to move. He was too distracted though to
do much of anything. Kurt was touching Blaine. It was warm and hard and Blaine
had a thick vein like himself. He traced it, wondering if Blaine liked that as
much as Kurt did.
“Please,” Blaine whimpered. “Do something.”
Kurt started pumping Blaine, watching as he came undone on his lap. His eyes
were wide open and his pupils were blown out. He looked slightly crazed, like
he couldn’t see anything beyond his lust. His lips were swollen and bright red;
his mouth was still wet from where his lips had been attached to Kurt’s. He
looked so perfect, so attractive. This was the stuff pornos should be made of,
not that kinky gang-banging stuff that he’d stumbled upon last night in his
quest for more research. This was every sexual fantasy fulfilled.
Kurt wanted to make Blaine come so badly. He wanted to see the moment it
happened, know that he caused it. Blaine’s hands dropped down from the wall and
found their way into his hair, then his shoulders, until finally they blindly
reached his belt.
“I thought this was about you?” Kurt asked, his dick yelling at him. Why was he
fighting this? He was about to come in his pants, he could use the release.
“This is better, trust me,” Blaine replied, pulling Kurt out of his pants until
there was nothing separating him from feeling Blaine against him. The tip of
Blaine’s dick, already leaking with pre-come was sliding against his and it was
a heavenly torture.
Blaine let out a deeply primal sound and leaned in, hands gripping onto Kurt’s
neck, making sure he couldn’t go anywhere, and he kissed him. This wasn’t a
kiss like before, soft and sweet, or even hard and biting. This was more. This
was everything. Before had been a warmup. Now they were sharing an intimate
connection. Their dicks were pressing against each other like their tongues
were, pressing closer and closer.
“Oh, God,” Kurt moaned so loudly that Blaine had to put a hand over his mouth,
trying not to laugh and failing. It was the strangest thing; they both couldn’t
stop giggling over how silly the entire situation was. Here they were, doing
something so adult, while in the middle of a building meant for simple
children.
Each time their stomachs shook, they would brush up against each other, causing
one or both of them to groan again, starting the vicious cycle over again.
Finally, Blaine managed to take control of the situation for them. He moved up
closer until their stomachs were touching—oh hey, he guessed he had a thing for
nipples too because being pressed up against Blaine’s hard chest like this was
making him sensitive. Blaine took hold of Kurt’s hand and brought it to his
dick. Then Blaine wrapped his hand around Kurt and suddenly fingers were
intertwined and they were pressed up together in such a way that they were both
getting each other off in sync while holding hands and it was just…
There were no words. He was overwhelmed again, like before, but he wasn’t
scared. He wouldn’t pull away this time. He knew what to expect. Blaine started
to quicken their pace and soon he was seeing stars and praying to deities he
didn’t believe in. Blaine must have been seeing those stars as well because the
profanities coming out of his mouth would make Samuel L. Jackson blush.
Kurt wasn’t sure who came first. It all happened so quick that it was a bit of
a blur. One moment they were moaning and moving in an organized rhythm, the
next Blaine was trembling over him and come was hitting them both in the chest.
They pumped each other through it, until it became too painful and they finally
let go. Blaine slumped down over him, a heavy weight, but Kurt was too boneless
to do anything about it. Besides, the feeling of Blaine on him, surrounding him
everywhere was reassuring. It was something he could definitely get used to.
Eventually the weight did get to be too much, as did the mess of it all. Kurt
was generally a clean person and didn’t like the feeling of come drying on his
chest. He pushed at Blaine until he took the hint, standing up only to sway on
his feet and slump against the wall.
“That was…” Blaine trailed off as Kurt dug around in his back for wet wipes.
Blaine didn’t need to finish that sentence. Kurt knew that he was looking for a
word that didn’t exist, because nothing could come close to describing the
connection the two of them shared. He didn’t realize that sex could be so
fulfilling and make him feel so cherished and loved. It was everything he’d
always wanted but never thought he’d get. There were no words for what the two
of them had shared together.
They stayed in silence, neither of them needing to fill the room with mindless
chatter. Kurt cleaned himself off first—he knew that Blaine’s tolerance for
sticky and messy was much higher than his. Once he was clean and tucked back
into his pants properly, he moved to clean up Blaine. He deliberately moved
slowly so he could relish the last few minutes before Blaine had to get dressed
again. The period had to be almost over. They would need to pull themselves
back together and go rejoin the world.
High school. It all felt so far away when he was here with Blaine.
The bell rang, reminding them that they had a life to get back to. Kurt still
had classes to attend and even one test to take. He looked over to see that
Blaine was just as disappointed as he was to have to say goodbye.
“In all seriousness, are you alright?” Blaine asked as he gathered up his
things and tried to make his hair look presentable again.
“I’m fine,” Kurt said. It wasn’t a lie. He’d just had a mind blowing orgasm
which was making negative emotions pretty hard to feel. Even before that, he’d
been fine. He would be fine, at least. He felt much better after talking to
Lauren and later some of the kids in Glee Club.
It didn’t matter how many slushies they threw at him—though he hoped the number
was smaller rather than larger—it wasn’t going to make him change who he was.
McKinley was his chance to start over and have friends. It was his chance to
have a boyfriend and love. He wasn’t going to let any brainless Lima loser take
that away from him.
“I’m really sorry that happened to you,” Blaine apologized, shouldering his bag
and checking his watch.
Kurt just raised his eyebrows and nodded, not voicing the thought that was
really on his mind: that Blaine couldn’t have been that concerned if he waited
so long to track him down. The guys that did this were probably friends of
Blaine’s. He knew that Blaine cared about him and liked him; he didn’t need to
start a fight with him over something he knew Blaine wouldn’t tell anyone to
do. He wasn’t going to start a fight with the boy that he’d just had sex with.
“What?” Blaine asked, knowing him well enough already to detect something.
“Nothing,” Kurt shrugged.
“No, it’s obviously something,” Blaine said with a warning tone. “Talk to me.”
“It’s just that,” Kurt trailed off, not sure how to word this without pissing
Blaine off. He needed to grow a pair at some point, didn’t he? Wasn’t that was
Lauren was trying to tell him? “Your friends did this.”
“My friends?” Blaine looked shocked.
Kurt just nodded. He couldn’t see how Blaine could really be surprised. He was
the most popular kid in school and the only people brave enough to throw
slushies were the ones that thought they were invincible. State Championship
Swim Team fit the bill.
“The swim team didn’t do this,” he argued. “The football team did.”
What did it matter, Kurt though. Somebody had thrown that slushie and they were
wearing a letterman jacket, which meant they ran in the same circle as Blaine.
“Wow, sometimes I forget that you’re new here,” Blaine said, though there’s a
hint of malice behind it. “Kurt, none of my friends did this. We don’t talk to
the football team for several reasons, most of them being why your favorite
piece of Vivienne Westwood is ruined. I don’t play football, Finn does.”
“What are you trying to say?” Kurt asked, a strange sense of foreboding
building in his stomach. Blaine wasn’t honestly trying to blame this entire
thing on Finn, was he? They were brothers. Sure, they’d had their differences
in the past, but that didn’t mean he’d humiliate him at school now when he knew
he’d had problems with bullying before.
“I’m trying to say that your step-brother is an asshole and you can’t hold me
responsible for that. In fact, I’m offended you thought that,” he said.
“Finn would never,” Kurt said, but in the back of his mind there was a part of
him screaming yes he would.
“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you,” Blaine said with a bitter tone. “I
need to get to class; I’m already looking at detention and extra laps for
ditching class.
“Blaine,” Kurt said, giving him a look. They needed to talk about this. He
couldn’t just call Finn out like that and not explain himself.
“You don’t know your stepbrother was well as you think you do, and that’s all
I’m saying,” Blaine said, moving to open the door.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kurt put his hand on the door to keep it from
opening. He needed to finish this or it was going to eat away at him for the
rest of the day.
“Why don’t you ask him,” Blaine said. “Ask him why he has such a problem when I
come over. Ask him why I don’t like him either; I’m sure he remembers the
details just fine.”
“I’m asking you,” Kurt said, giving him a pleading look. He wanted to hear this
from Blaine, because it was starting to sound like more than some stupid high
school pissing contest. If Kurt asked Finn, he knew that he’d never get an
honest answer.
“It’s nothing, forget I said anything,” Blaine said. “I’ve really got to get to
Trig.”
“Don’t run away from me,” Kurt begged.
Blaine looked up at him for a moment before resigning himself to the fact that
Kurt wasn’t going to let up.
“Not here,” Blaine sighed. “Coffee later?”
“I have Glee,” Kurt said sadly. He didn’t want to go through the rest of the
day not knowing. He knew that his imagination had a way of getting away from
itself and he’d be dreaming up horrible cage fights in which Finn ripped off
Blaine’s ear and Blaine had to have plastic surgery and his life had never been
the same or something equally as ridiculous.
“I’ll come and pick you up after,” Blaine said softly, sweetly. He was giving
him a shy smile, running a finger up Kurt’s arm, trying to play nice again.
Kurt hadn’t forgotten what they’d just done in this closet. He was glad that
Blaine wasn’t livid with him and was still interested after Kurt had basically
accused him of bullying.
“Promise me that you’ll tell me?” Kurt asked as the bell rang again. They were
both late for their next class. Oh well, a quick lecture and possible detention
was worth it when the reward was more time with Blaine.
“Anything you want to know,” Blaine said with a suave smile, kissing him quick
before opening the door and stepping into the deserted hallway.
“Then I guess that’s worth blowing off my English essay for,” Kurt said. “It’s
a date.”
“There’s plenty of other things you can blow off if you’re interested,” Blaine
said, causing Kurt to turn bright red. Asshole, he thought. Now he wouldn’t
only be late, he’d be walking in completely red, giving away what he’d likely
been doing to the entire class.
“Go to class,” Kurt reprimanded him.
As Kurt was about to reach his English classroom, his phone vibrated in his
pocket. When he pulled it out to check, he had an incoming text from Blaine.
To Kurt:
Don’t let them get you down.
Courage.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Kurt sat on the curb of the parking lot looking at his watch. It was five after
five and Blaine still wasn’t there. The rest of New Directions had already gone
home a half an hour ago, leaving him waiting with Finn—who refused to leave his
side until Blaine showed up. Kurt wasn’t sure where this sudden fit of
protectiveness had come from, but he wished it would pass. The only thing Finn
had done in the past half hour is tell Kurt that Blaine wasn’t coming; that
Kurt shouldn’t hold his breath because the only person Blaine Anderson cared
about was Blaine Anderson.
“I don’t understand why you like this guy, he’s a tool,” Finn said pacing back
and forth. Kurt couldn’t look at him anymore, he was driving Kurt crazy.
“He’s my friend, we’ve got a lot in common,” Kurt explained for the tenth time
that day. “He’s a good guy.”
“He’s an ass,” Finn mumbled, but pulled out his phone and started texting
Rachel, whom he’d blown off in favor of babysitting him. Kurt was thankful for
Finn’s distraction, he’d had about enough.
He couldn’t understand what could possibly have happened to make the two of
them hate each other so much. Neither Finn nor Blaine could be in the same room
together without mumbling hateful things under their breath and it drove him
crazy. He wanted Blaine around all the time. It was rather hard to do that when
Blaine felt completely unwelcome at his house. As for Finn, well, he was family
now and that meant something to Kurt. Even if he annoyed him, Finn was still
his brother and he loved him. He wasn’t going to put up with Blaine trying to
bad mouth him every chance he got. Kurt couldn’t stand the two of them
constantly belittling each other.
He would be happy once he finally heard the story, which Blaine had promised to
tell him today over coffee. Once Kurt knew what the problem was, he could set
about fixing it. Soon he’d have his boyfriend over all of the time and there
would be no lingering tension between Finn and Blaine.
“He’s forty minutes late,” Finn commented snidely.
“Yes, thank you,” Kurt snapped, looking down at his phone and wondering what
was keeping Blaine this long. Kurt had received a text from him during Glee
practice that he’d be a few minutes late but he hadn’t heard anything since
then. Kurt was frustrated as well, but he couldn’t let Finn see that because
Finn was just waiting for an excuse to wail on Blaine some more.
Kurt was sure Blaine would have a good reason for being late; he wasn’t the
kind of guy to just blow Kurt off. Especially not now that they were hooking
up. This wasn’t how people treated their almost boyfriends, right?
“Well, well, well,” Finn said as Blaine’s car pulled into the parking lot.
“Look what the cat dragged in.”
“Well he’s here, just like I said he’d be. You can go now,” Kurt said, rolling
his eyes as Finn didn’t move.
“No, I want to hear why he’s late,” Finn said. “I want to know why he thinks he
can treat my baby brother like dirt and get away with it.”
“I’m older than you,” Kurt mumbled as Finn crossed his arms and stared Blaine’s
car down. This was ridiculous.
“For the love of God,” Kurt said throwing his hands up in frustration. He stood
up to try and push Finn towards his car, but he wouldn’t budge. Kurt let out a
long-suffering sigh. He was perfectly capable of handling his own affairs. He
didn’t need Finn, of all people, to try and defend his honor.
“You’re late,” Finn called out to Blaine as he stepped out of his car. “Glee
Club got out at 4:30.”
“What’s he doing here?” Blaine sneered.
Kurt eyed the two of them, both of whom seemed to be ignoring his presence
completely.
“Making sure my brother had a ride home in case you ran off with some other
guy,” Finn said. “That’s your MO isn’t it? Find as many straight guys as you
can and try to blow them until they switch teams?”
“Finn!” Kurt yelled, horrified. Where the hell had that come from? He knew Finn
never was one for tact, but still. This was completely uncalled for.
“Don’t be mad at me just because your prudish girlfriend won’t put out,” Blaine
shot back.
Kurt was shocked, he’d never heard Blaine be so mean before. He was usually so
sweet and nice, that was why everybody loved him. Now his voice was full of
venom and his eyes were on fire, fists shaking with rage. Kurt didn’t recognize
this Blaine.
“Kurt’s not some dumb jock you can get drunk and hook up with, he’s my
brother,” Finn said. “I’m not going to let you hurt him.”
“By all means, continue to protect him from all the musicals we watch and
dangerous coffee we drink,” Blaine said sarcastically. “Don’t worry about the
slushies your teammates are throwing at him, those are completely safe.”
Amazing, it was like Kurt wasn’t even there. He crossed his arms and glared at
the two of them, wondering how long it would take for them to notice him. How
long would they wait before giving him a say in this? The longer it took, the
angrier Kurt became.
“Nobody ever died from a slushie,” Finn said smugly.
Was Finn admitting it was him then? That he did have a hand in the slushie Kurt
had thrown at him that morning?
“No, just almost blinded,” Blaine snapped back.
“Stop it,” Kurt yelled, having enough of this. He didn’t understand anything
that they were saying and he prayed that none of it was true. He didn’t want to
think that Finn was behind his ruined shirt and ego this morning. He really
didn’t want to picture Blaine as some asshole that would say anything to hurt
somebody else.
“So you admit that your friends are the ones bullying Kurt?” Blaine accused,
not hearing anything Kurt had said. “Just pick on the gay kid, don’t worry if
it’s your own fucking brother.”
“I didn’t tell them to do that!” Finn yelled.
“Because you’ve never bullied anyone a day in your life,” Blaine hissed.
Kurt resolved himself to being ignored. He took a seat on the curb and stared
at his knees, willing this fight to be over soon so he could just leave.
“Like you’re suddenly St. Anderson,” Finn fired back. “I lost my best friend
because of you.”
“You lost your best friend because of you!” Blaine yelled, throwing his hands
up in the air. “You are a selfish, inconsiderate asshole that never takes
notice of anyone but yourself. If you had taken your head out of your ass for
one minute all of last year you would have noticed how sorry Puck was. You
would have seen how much he wanted to keep Beth, how much he needed somebody in
his life to love him! Instead you belittled him for making a mistake you’ve
made plenty of times and tried to out him to the entire school when he wasn’t
even gay!”
“You had your tongue down his throat! It was the most disgusting thing I’ve
ever seen!” Finn said. “Don’t tell me that you didn’t turn him gay.”
Kurt felt the sting of Finn’s words as if he’d been talking about Kurt himself
and not Puck and Blaine. He remembered how much it had hurt to hear Finn call
him that that fateful night that his father had been forced to kick Finn out of
the house. They’d made up since then. Kurt had found it in himself to move past
it. Yet here they were again. Kurt couldn’t believe that his brother would
really have the nerve to talk about how disgusting two men kissing was in front
of him.
“It’s not something you can catch!” Blaine yelled back, Kurt could hear the
aggravation in his voice. He couldn’t say he blamed him for it.
“Well, he was straight before he met you!”
“He’s still straight, you ignorant moron!” Blaine yelled. “One fucking night
doesn’t determine your sexuality for the rest of your life. He was hurting and
latched onto the only person that would listen.”
“And there you conveniently were. He was hurting and you exploited that.” Finn
said. “You used him and toyed with his emotions. All he wanted was somebody to
care about him and you used that to get him into bed.”
Kurt knew that he didn’t know the entire story. He reminded himself repeatedly
that he didn’t know the entire story. However, as wrong as Finn was for being
so homophobic, Kurt was starting to get a bad taste in his mouth for Blaine,
too. Was there any truth to what Finn was saying? Did Blaine really use his
best friend’s weakness to get him into bed? If he did, what did that say about
what he was doing with Kurt? Did Kurt really mean anything to Blaine, or was he
just the newest project in a long line of men?
“All he wanted was for you to care about him,” Blaine responded, sounding
tired.
“You shouldn’t have gotten involved. If you never came along we would be fine!”
Finn continued to argue.
“None of this is my fault!” Blaine groaned.
“Then how come anytime I try to make a new friend they end up on your swim
team?” he fired back.
“Because they don’t want to live under your shadow,” Blaine accused. “They want
to be a part of a team that cares about one another, not one that throws each
other under the bus.”
“They’re all living under your shadow. You’re the Junior Olympian.”
“There is no spotlight,” Blaine said with a heavy roll of his eyes. “We don’t
compete against each other. We all won Nationals with our relay last year.
Mike’s got gold in three different events. Puck in two. Sam will probably win
Nationals this year. None of us are in the same events. I can’t help it if my
parents paid for me to go the trials. If any of the other guys had gone, they
would have gotten in, too.”
“You could have paid for them to go, you just wanted to be the star,” Finn said
bitterly.
“You think I’m so rich that my dad would spend thousands of dollars sending
kids that aren’t even his to the Jr. Olympics?” Blaine scoffed.
“I’ve seen your car,” Finn smirked.
“Stop it! Both of you!” Kurt yelled. Couldn’t they just stop fighting so he
could go home? He had a headache and he was beyond frustrated with the pair of
them. At the moment, he wanted to be far away from either of them. He was
tempted to call his dad to come and pick him up so that he wouldn’t have to
deal with them.
“He was my friend first,” Finn yelled.
“My actions didn’t get us here, yours did,” Blaine said, stomping away towards
his car, not even bothering to look in Kurt’s direction.
“Blaine!” Kurt called after him when he got into his car without stopping. It
wasn’t that Kurt was dying to spend time with a bitter Blaine, but he couldn’t
deny it hurt to see him walk away from Kurt.
“What?” he snapped, opening the door enough to fix Kurt with an angry,
expectant look.
“What the hell was that?” Kurt asked, running over towards him.
“I can’t help it if your brother is an asshole.”
“Yeah, well he’s still my brother,” Kurt said, surprised. He’d never expected
Blaine to act like this, especially not towards him.
“So you’re taking his side then,” Blaine said with a nod, like he’d expected
this all along.
“There are no sides,” Kurt said. “You’re my friend and he’s my brother.
Whatever problem you two have doesn’t involve me.”
“Yeah, well maybe Puck was right, I can’t do this,” Blaine said, closing his
door and putting the car into drive.
“Blaine!” Kurt yelled as he drove off.
“Let him go,” Finn called. “You’re better off without him.”
Kurt rounded on him, eyes filled with angry tears. He didn’t know what was
going on, but he knew that both Finn and Blaine were being completely
unreasonable.
“You did this, whatever this is,” Kurt said his voice low and scathing. “So
you’re going to explain everything, in perfect detail so I can understand what
happened that made a completely respectful and calm boy turn into that.”
“He’s the one that left you, not me,” Finn argued like a petulant child.
“Finn!” Kurt yelled.
“Fine,” he said, sitting down on the curb. “You remember last year, when I
thought I’d gotten Quinn pregnant, right?”
Kurt sat with Finn for over an hour listening to him tell the story, both of
them too wrapped up in the tale to notice the cold chill in the air. Finn told
him all about Quinn telling him that she was pregnant only to find out a few
months later that Puck was the real father. He talked about how betrayed he’d
felt that everyone in Glee club seemed to know the truth except for him. How
his closest friend, the one person he thought he could always count on, had
gone behind his back and slept with his girlfriend.
Then Finn had talked about Blaine. How he’d transferred in last year and
immediately joined the swim team with Mike. How he’d managed to rise to
popularity because he won a few gold medals and suddenly everyone was bowing at
his feet like he was something special. How unfair it was that just because
Blaine came from money and was good at swimming he got everything in the world.
He talked about how Blaine disliked Finn immediately and how quickly he’d
swooped in and taken advantage of Finn’s weakness. How he’d managed to become
the most popular kid in school and had turned a lot of the school against Finn.
How Puck had suddenly started following Blaine around like a lost puppy.
Finn went on to explain that he’d caught Puck and Blaine making out at a party.
He’d explained how vulnerable Puck could be and how Blaine had clearly taken
advantage of Puck’s insecurities to trick him into fooling around. When Finn
had tried to talk to Puck about it, when he’d tried to repair their friendship,
Puck and yelled at Finn and quit the Glee Club the day before Regionals. New
Directions had been left without a twelfth member. They’d been disqualified.
Since that awful fight, Puck had been on the swim team and the swimmers had
made it their life mission to make Finn’s life miserable, all in the name of
Blaine. Finn explained that Blaine was known for being easy. How he had a
talent for getting straight boys drunk and making out with them. There was even
a rumor that Sam Evans had let Blaine give him a blow job in the locker room
after a swim meet, though nobody had ever confirmed it.
Finn told him that all Blaine cared about was being popular and getting laid.
He said that Blaine would do or say whatever it took to get Kurt into bed with
him, because to Blaine, sex was all about the conquest. The harder it was to
get a boy into bed, the more he wanted them. Finn warned him to stay away
because he didn’t want to see Kurt end up another name on a very long list.
Afterwards, they’d gone home and eaten dinner with their parents. Kurt had
spent an hour trying to finish his homework, with no success. He just couldn’t
get his mind to connect the Blaine Finn had told him about to the Blaine that
Kurt knew. He couldn’t believe half of the things that he’d heard from Finn.
Kurt knew Blaine. At least, he’d honestly thought he did. He knew that he
needed to hear Blaine’s side of the story. He would never be able to sleep so
long as these horrible thoughts were running through his head. Blaine wasn’t
the kind of guy to use him for sex. He was his friend. Blaine was his best
friend.
This was why Kurt found himself pulling into the gravel parking lot of the
coffee shop all the way out in Wapakoneta. He was relieved to see Blaine’s car
there. He hadn’t even thought to check Blaine’s house before driving out there.
He’d just assumed that this would be where Blaine was and he’d been right.
Maybe he did know Blaine better than anyone else. Blaine had said that Kurt was
the first person he’d shown this place to. His aunt had even confirmed it,
saying that Kurt was the only friend of Blaine’s she’d ever met.
It was that fact that solidified everything for Kurt, he had to give Blaine the
benefit of the doubt. Finn had a long history of being a bit dramatic and
ignorant on so many issues. There were two sides to every story and this was
Blaine. This was Kurt’s first real friend and the only other gay boy that Kurt
knew. The only other person that understood just how traumatizing Ohio’s
homophobia could be and has been for him. They’d shared so many secrets with
each other in the last few weeks. Kurt owed it to himself and to Blaine to hear
him out.
He got out of his car, pulling his coat closer to keep himself warm. It had
been cold earlier, but now that the sun had gone down it was downright
freezing. Angeli met him at the door with a sad smile, ushering him inside
quickly so he could got out of the cold.
“I was beginning to think you’d never show up,” she said. The coffee shop was
empty with the exception of Tiffany, who was cleaning up the espresso machine.
The shop was closing for the night. Kurt looked around, surprised that he
didn’t see Blaine anywhere. He knew that it was too cold for him to be out on
the patio.
“He’s upstairs,” she explained, giving him a knowing look. “I’ve been given
strict instructions not to let anybody know where he is.”
“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Kurt said with an understanding nod. He should
have known better. Of course Blaine didn’t want to talk to him. Kurt was
supposed to be his friend and he’d taken Finn’s side, even when he’d claimed he
wasn’t taking any sides.
“If I know my Dayong, it’s not that he doesn’t want to talk,” she explained
with a kind smile. “It’s that he’s waiting for somebody to really listen.”
“I do really listen to him,” Kurt said defensively.
“Just let him come to you,” she said, walking him towards a door that Kurt knew
led to her apartment upstairs, though he’d never used it before. “Blaine
doesn’t respond well to poking and prodding.”
Kurt nodded, not entirely sure that he understood what she was trying to tell
him, but he guessed he’d figure it out soon enough when he saw Blaine. He made
his way up the stairs which opened right up into a small living room. Blaine
was on the couch, headphones in his ears, reading a text book. Kurt could hear
the music all the way across the room. Kurt recognized the song. It was one
that Blaine had played for him a few days prior—“White Daisy Passing” by Rocky
Votolato. Kurt had never heard of it before Blaine had played it for him.
There were a lot of firsts he shared with Blaine, he reminded himself trying
not to feel bitter about it. There may have been some truth behind Finn’s
words, but he couldn’t let himself believe that Finn was right about Blaine
using him.
Kurt made his way over to sit down on the couch next to him. Blaine glanced at
him out of the corner of his eyes, but he didn’t get any more response from him
than that. Kurt wanted to take his headphones out of his ears. He wanted to
force him to talk, to ask him all the questions that were on the tip of his
tongue. He wanted to know if anything Finn had told him was real. However, one
look at Blaine told him he wouldn’t get any answers out of him that way.
That’s what Angeli had been trying to tell him. That he wouldn’t be able to ask
Blaine anything he if wanted to hear the story. He’d have to wait this one out.
Let Blaine see that he could talk and actually be heard. Kurt understood that
feeling. So often, he refused to talk to anyone about his own issues for the
same reason. He knew how quickly people pretended to care only to forget about
it as soon as the words had left his mouth. He still remembered reaching out
for help at his old school, only to be called a liar by the faculty.
If Blaine was really his friend, then Kurt needed to act like it. He needed to
treat Blaine the way that Kurt wanted to be treated. He needed to be there for
him with no judgment.
Kurt resolved himself to the fact that he might not get any answers tonight. He
told himself that it would be alright. That keeping Blaine in his life was more
important than quelling his curiosity.
He reached over gently and took one headphone out of Blaine’s ear. Blaine
looked at him, clearly about to snap, only to send him a curious look when all
he did was scoot closer and put Blaine’s headphone into his own ear. The both
sat there listening quietly as Blaine’s iPod shuffled through everything from
Rob Thomas, Travis, Bon Iver, and even the occasional Pink song. Blaine
continued to read his textbook, pretending to ignore him, back stiff and
fingers tapping the side of his book in an anxious rhythm. Kurt just settled
back into the couch, grabbing a magazine off the side table to look over while
he waited Blaine out. It was some magazine for Filipino Americans, but it would
do. It wasn’t like Kurt would honestly be reading any of it anyway.
After the third song, Blaine sank back into the couch with his book, no longer
threatened by Kurt’s presence. It wasn’t anywhere close to where Kurt wanted to
be, but it was a start. By the fifth song, he started looking at Kurt every so
often, quickly averting his eyes anytime Kurt would look his way, trying to
pretend he wasn’t looking. By the seventh song, Kurt knew he was almost there.
Blaine had started worrying his lower lip, clearly working up the nerve to say
something.
By the time Adele’s new single came on, Blaine had turned to him with an
expectant look. Kurt bit his tongue, holding back everything he wanted to say.
He was so close to Blaine opening up to him, he could see it. He didn’t want to
screw this up now. He just needed a few more minutes.
He was right, by the end of the song Blaine was turning down the volume and
clearing his throat.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice held just the slightest hint of
nervousness, like he thought Kurt might attack him or something.
“You promised me coffee,” Kurt said with a small smile, hoping that would be
enough to open Blaine up. He would have to leave soon if he wanted to make his
curfew and he didn’t want to leave before he knew if they would be okay.
“I know Finn’s already told you all about me,” Blaine said, fiddling with a
lose string on his cardigan. Kurt reached over to stop him; he would hate to
see such a nice sweater pulled apart in his name. He’d already watched his
favorite shirt and sweater get slushied and permanently stained this morning,
he didn’t need to see any other pieces of clothing destroyed today.
Blaine looked over at him, waiting for Kurt to respond. He was waiting to see
if Kurt would confirm his thought, if Kurt would admit to already knowing
everything.
“He told me his side,” he responded carefully, unsure what Blaine wanted to
hear.
Blaine scoffed at him and shook his head, turning his attention back to his
textbook, trying to shut Kurt out again.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Kurt said, desperate for Blaine to keep talking to him.
He didn’t want to lose one of the only friends he’s ever had.
“I don’t understand why,” Blaine said, his tone was harsh but his eyes told a
different story.
“For starters, I’d like to believe I know you a little bit better than my
clueless, occasionally homophobic brother,” Kurt said softly, trying to convey
to Blaine that he could trust him. “And I’d like to think that you know me
better than that.”
“So what did Finn tell you? That I’m a slut that only cares about one thing?”
Blaine asked his voice laced with bitterness. “Did he tell you that I’m one of
those gays, the predatory ones they warn you about?”
“I don’t buy that,” Kurt said.
“He’s not wrong,” Blaine explained. “I did make out with Puck at that party.
And that rumor about Sam isn’t entirely wrong. Hell, I’ve even made out with
Tina and Mike one night when I’d decided drinking an entire bottle of tequila
could solve the world’s problems. If he told you I’m a slut, he’s probably
right.”
Kurt bit the inside of his cheek, telling himself not to be jealous. Blaine
wasn’t exactly his to claim. Even if he was, these things had happened before
they’d even met. Just because Kurt had zero experience before Blaine didn’t
mean he could blame Blaine for taking advantage of the opportunity. They were
teenage boys, after all.
“But contrary to whatever Finn might think, I didn’t trick them into it,”
Blaine said.
“Then what happened?” Kurt asked, trying to keep his voice level. It wouldn’t
do to let Blaine hear him upset.
Blaine looked at him for a bit before shaking his head. “Those aren’t really my
stories to tell,” he said with an apologetic smile.
Kurt wanted to ask for more. He wanted to remind Blaine that he knew better
than anyone how to keep a secret, but Blaine was talking again before he could
assemble a decent argument.
“Did you know I wasn’t out when I first came to McKinley?” he asked.
Kurt shook his head. From everything he’d heard Blaine had always been out and
proud.
“I never planned on coming out when I transferred,” he continued to explain,
looking off at a spot on the wall behind Kurt, his voice growing distant, like
he was lost in a memory of his own. “I’d come out at a school before and found
out just how bad of an idea that could be. A couple of guys… well… I was
content to stay in the closet.”
“What happened at your old school?” Kurt asked tentatively, not sure if he’d
get an answer or be brushed off for prying.
It took a few minutes for Blaine to respond. Kurt could see him working up to
it. Opening and closing his mouth with a shake of his head, clearly trying to
find the right words.
“Do you remember that news report two years ago about that boy from Westerville
High?” Blaine asked, his voice quiet, his hands trembling. Kurt nodded and took
one of his hands into his own, lacing their fingers together. He did remember
that report, just like he remembered Blaine’s half confession from the weekend.
He knew what was coming and the thought of Blaine being that boy terrified him.
“They never released my name to the press, though they managed to get an
interview from my date that night. My dad made sure that nothing ever got out
about me, he wanted to protect our families’ privacy,” he explained, holding
onto Kurt’s hand tightly. “I was hospitalized for six weeks afterwards and
wasn’t allowed to return to school once I got released. I’d been expelled for
fighting.”
“What?” Kurt felt himself growing angry. “How did you get expelled, what about
the assholes that did this?”
“One of them was the sheriff’s kid; another had a state’s attorney for a
father. That’s what you get for growing up in a rich town,” Blaine said, his
eyes growing watery. “My dad fought it and it eventually got overturned. I was
allowed to return to school that fall, but by that point I’d already missed too
much of my freshman year. I had to repeat it. My dad wanted me to go back to
Westerville because he didn’t believe in hiding from your problems.”
“Oh God,” Kurt whispered, knowing how terrified Blaine must have been being
forced to return to the same school that had hospitalized him. It was the same
fear Kurt had lived with every day that he’d gone to school with Karofsky.
“In my second month back, I got pushed down the stairs and broke my wrist,”
Blaine laughed humorlessly. “After that, my dad decided to let me transfer to
McKinley. He’d seen Mike compete at one of my meets and spent some time talking
to Coach Roz. Apparently he felt my future as a swimmer would be better if I
transferred. I still have no idea if he did it for swimming or for my safety.
Either way, I’d long since decided that I would never come out again. At least
not until I was living somewhere more accepting like New York.”
“I’m so sorry,” Kurt said, laying his head on Blaine’s shoulder, rubbing his
thumb across the back of his hand comfortingly. He knew there wasn’t much that
he could say to make it better, but he also knew that sometimes all people
really needed was to know that somebody cared. That somebody noticed your pain.
“I kept my head down when I got to McKinley. Mike and I became good friends and
he introduced me to some of the other kids at school. I did what I could to fit
in and stopped doing the things that would make my being gay obvious. Pretty
soon I had a good group of friends and people actually seemed to like me. It
was nice.”
“What changed?” Kurt asked, because obviously something had to have changed
because Blaine wasn’t in the closet anymore.
“Puck,” Blaine said. “Though I’m pretty sure this part of the story Finn
already told you.”
“I know you two became good friends,” Kurt confirmed.
“We met at a party Mike was having, he was really upset because Finn wouldn’t
talk to him anymore and I was taking a break out on the patio. Pretending to be
straight is kind of exhausting, girls always throw themselves at you, and you
have to be careful to seem interested while also doing what you can to just
make it all stop. There’s nothing worse than a girl trying to show you their
boobs, Kurt. Nothing.”
Kurt giggled a bit at that, trying to picture Blaine getting hit on by women.
It’s a vision he’d seen in his mind regularly until this weekend, when he’d
realized Blaine was gay. Now, after the things they’d done together and knowing
how turned on Blaine was by other men, picturing Blaine with a girl was kind of
hilarious.
“We started getting closer, and eventually Puck found out that I was gay,”
Blaine said. “He told me that it was cool. That I liked sports and did manly
things so I couldn’t be too gay.”
“Wow, not remotely offensive,” Kurt said sarcastically.
“I know,” Blaine agreed. “But he’s never trying to be offensive, unlike your
brother,” Blaine said with a bite it.
“Finn’s not the greatest guy in the world, but he’s not purposefully offensive
either,” Kurt tried to defend him, feeling a bit caught in the middle. “He
speaks before he realizes what the words he’s saying mean. I know they hurt,
trust me he’s said more than his fair share of things to me, but… I don’t know.
He’s still my brother.”
“Yeah, well,” Blaine said with a suffering sigh. “Puck promised to keep my
secret; he understood how terrified I was of people finding out. When Finn
walked in on us making out a few weeks later, Puck told him that he didn’t care
what Finn said about him, but he begged him to leave me out of it. He told Finn
that I didn’t want people knowing that I was gay. The next day it was all over
the school.”
“Finn outed you?” Kurt asked, shocked. Finn had left that part out of the
story. Kurt had expected a number of things to come out of Blaine’s mouth about
Finn and he was prepared to believe any of them. But this? This was something
much more serious. Coming out of the closet was a personal choice and nobody
should ever be forced out of it when they weren’t ready. He couldn’t believe
Finn was capable of something like that.
“I confronted him about it later,” Blaine said. “I was prepared to hear him
tell me that it was a mistake and that he was sorry. I was ready to forgive
him, because apart from the boys on the football team, a vast majority of the
kids at school actually supported me.”
“He didn’t apologize?” Kurt asked, already knowing the answer and feeling
himself growing outraged on Blaine’s behalf.
“He thinks it’s my fault that it happened in the first place. He doesn’t think
he did anything wrong,” Blaine explained. “Pretty soon Puck was quitting Glee
Club and football over the entire thing. It wasn’t like they were getting along
after the Quinn stuff, but Puck had still trusted Finn enough to not do that to
somebody Puck cared about… Glee Club lost at regionals and then Finn lost the
big football game afterwards. A few weeks later, a bunch of us qualified for
Swimming Nationals. The school stopped caring about football after that. Ever
since then it’s pretty much been football versus swimming at school.”
“I’m really sorry that Finn outed you,” Kurt said sincerely. “He had no right
to do that, his problem was with Puck, not you.”
“Try telling him that,” Blaine scoffed.
Kurt pulled away and looked down at the floor, feeling horrible. When he came
out, it was at his own choosing. Sure half the school had already suspected it,
but at least it had been on his own terms. Blaine had been terrified of coming
out—and for good reason. Finn had no right to do that to him. The worst part of
it all was that Kurt wouldn’t be allowed to take sides in this. Finn was still
his brother, and though he would be getting an earful from Kurt tonight, family
was still family.
“Hey, don’t beat yourself up over this,” Blaine said, hitting him playfully on
the shoulder. “It ended up working out for the best. Pretending to be straight
was miserable. I don’t have to hide anymore and I’ve still got a great group of
friends. It’s fine.”
“Really?” Kurt asked, giving him a surprised look. It hadn’t seemed fine that
afternoon when Finn and Blaine were at each other’s throats.
“No,” he said. “But it’s nothing you need to concern yourself with. It happened
a long time ago and apart from being unable to look at Finn after what he’s
done to me and all the things he’s done to Puck, I’m fine.”
“I should probably get going,” Kurt said, exhausted. Had it only been this
morning that he’d been slushied? Had it really been less than twenty-four hours
since Kurt had fallen asleep to their sexting? It seemed so long ago. So much
had happened since then. Having sex together in a closet, Finn and Blaine
arguing, Blaine driving off without him… Today had been one of the longest days
of his life.
“So soon?” Blaine teased, a smile on his face. Kurt was happy to see that the
anger and resentment from earlier was gone and his happy, confident Blaine was
back.
“I have curfew,” Kurt explained, sadly. He would be perfectly content spending
the rest of the night on this couch with Blaine, but there was his father to
contend with and a pile of homework to finish. With finals coming at the end of
the week, he couldn’t really start blowing off his school work.
Kurt started to stand up, gathering up his coat and scarf that he couldn’t even
remember taking off, when Blaine pulled him back down.
“Kurt, I just…” Blaine paused, closing his eyes for a moment to compose
himself. “I know you’ve probably heard your fair share of things about me and
not all of them are pretty. I just want to make sure you know that I really
care about you. This is real for me.”
Kurt blushed at Blaine’s admission, barely able to meet his eyes.
“Why are you telling me this?” Kurt asked, feeling himself getting hopeful.
“Because I don’t want there to be any confusion over what we’re doing,” Blaine
explained. “When I do this—” Blaine leaned in to give him a soft, lingering
kiss. “I want you to know that it means something to me.”
Kurt smiled, happy to have the one fear that was still bothering him after
today put to rest. After hearing about all the guys Blaine has made out with
and Finn’s words about people not mattering, he just wanted the reassurance
that this meant as much to Blaine as it did to Kurt.
The boys leaned in again, lips meeting tenderly. Kurt tilted his head to allow
Blaine more access as Blaine’s fingers caressed the side of his neck lovingly.
This wasn’t anything like the rushed kisses they’d shared earlier in the
day—kisses that were hot and heavy and pushing at something more, desperate to
get off together. This was gentle and slow, like they had all the time in the
world together. These kisses were full of promises for the future and they made
Kurt’s stomach dance with butterflies.
Kurt leaned in closer, stroking at Blaine’s hips, so small and narrow yet so
strong. Blaine’s tongue grazed across Kurt’s, eliciting a low moan from him and
a satisfied hum from Blaine. As their tongues began to dance together, Blaine
shuffled around on the couch until he was straddling Kurt’s lap. Kurt wrapped
his arms around Blaine’s waist completely to make sure that he didn’t fall of
the couch.
Kurt broke of their kiss with a wet smack, ducking his head down to nuzzle at
Blaine’s chin until he tilted his head back, allowing Kurt full access to his
neck. He attached his lips to Blaine’s Adam’s apple, sucking hard and making
Blaine whine and squirm around on Kurt’s lap. Kurt licked at it, moving around
to the side of his neck, just below his ear. He began sucking there, noticing
that Blaine’s breathing was becoming heavier; his hips starting to rock
unconsciously. Kurt couldn’t help but smirk, knowing he’d found one of Blaine’s
sensitive spots. He grazed his teeth over the area experimentally, surprised at
how much of an effect the simple action had on Blaine, who was practically
keening.
He bit down harder this time, pulling away and noticing that Blaine now had a
small red mark. A mark Kurt had put there. It was surprisingly arousing knowing
that Blaine would be walking around school tomorrow with an imprint of his
mouth on his neck. Blaine growled and pulled him down onto the couch until he
was lying on top of him.
Blaine began running his hands manically up and down Kurt’s back, clutching
handfuls of his shirt, wrapping both of his legs around his waist. Who knew
that one little bit to Blaine’s neck just below the ear could turn a boy on
this much. Kurt was practically drunk with this newfound power over Blaine. He
grabbed Blaine’s arms until they let go of his shirt and Kurt pinned them above
Blaine’s head.
“This is a two-hundred dollar sweater that you’re ruining,” Kurt reprimanded
him playfully.
“Then maybe you should take it off,” Blaine challenged him with an irresistible
smile. His lips were swollen from all of their kissing and his pupils were
blown wide, making his eyes look much darker, almost black in the low lighting
of the room. Kurt was about to follow his advice when a familiar voice called
up the stairs.
“Blaine,” Angeli yelled. They had just enough time to separate their lips and
roll off of each other, but it wasn’t enough time to compose themselves before
she walked into the room. If the knowing smirk she was giving them was any
indication, she knew exactly what they’d been up to. “It’s getting late; Kurt
probably needs to get going.”
“Tita!” Blaine’s face was buried behind his hand in embarrassment as he
grumbled at her in Tagalog.
She just smiled at him, clearly amused at the entire thing and pointed to the
door.
“Fine,” Blaine sighed, grabbing onto Kurt’s hand and pulling him to his feet.
“I’ll just walk Kurt out.”
“It was nice seeing you again,” Angeli waved at him as Kurt was practically
dragged from the small apartment and down the stairs.
“She has a knack for embarrassing me,” Blaine said as they made their way
through the empty, dark coffee shop.
“You love her,” Kurt said, noticing the hint of affection Blaine used when
talking about his aunt. It wasn’t there when he’d said the same thing about his
own parents the other day.
“Obviously,” he said with a suffering sigh. “But Filipinos… I don’t know if
there are any families more nosy than Filipinos.”
“You’re not leaving then?” Kurt asked as Blaine walked him towards the door.
“I’m staying here tonight,” he said with a small smile. “My parents don’t
really know how to leave me alone when I’m upset, so sometimes I just crash
here.”
“You’re not upset anymore, though, right?” Kurt asked, pulling at Blaine’s hip
until he turned around to look at him.
“Of course not,” he said. “I mean, apart from the fact that you’re leaving me
just as the night was about to get interesting.”
“Just think, by the end of the week finals will be over and we’ll have nine
glorious days of no school and extended curfews.”
“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Blaine teased, pulling him in for one
last kiss before Kurt turned and went out into the cold to head home.
The freezing December air was as effective as a cold shower, and soon Kurt was
over his temporary distraction and on the road home, careful to send his father
a quick text to inform him that he’d be a few minutes late do to ‘inclement
weather conditions.’ As close as he was to his father, he wasn’t about to admit
the real reason he’d be late was because he’d gotten involved in an unscheduled
make-out session with the incredibly irresistible Blaine Anderson.
***** Chapter 9 *****
When Kurt got home that night, the house was relatively calm. His dad and
Carole were cuddled up on the couch watching the nightly news. Carole was in
her nursing scrubs getting ready to go in for the midnight shift while his dad
was barely awake, tired from an early morning at the shop. They looked so
content together—comfortable. Kurt was glad that his father had finally found
somebody to come home to, it had been a long eight years since his mother had
died and his father deserved some happiness of his own after focusing all of
his attention on Kurt for so long.
Kurt waved hello to them and headed into the kitchen for a bottle of water,
planning on heading upstairs to finish his homework. He wasn’t expecting to see
Finn at the kitchen table, eating a piece of cake and reading Macbeth for
English. Kurt felt all of the rage he’d held on Blaine’s behalf begin to boil.
How dare Finn be careless enough to out Blaine to the entire school? Even
worse, how could he not see that he was at fault for it?
“Hey,” Finn said, nonchalantly like it was nothing, like it was any other day.
Kurt fixed him with a glare, fully prepared to read him the riot act.
“I’m off to work,” Carole said, walking into the room and giving each of them a
kiss on the cheek. “Make sure you get to bed at a reasonable hour, please,” she
said to Finn.
His dad followed her into the kitchen, blinking heavily in the way that meant
it was time for him to head upstairs.
“It’s really nice to see you two finally getting along,” his dad said, patting
Kurt on the back and giving him a big smile.
Kurt debated telling his father what Finn had done. He knew that his dad
wouldn’t be happy; that he would take Kurt’s side and make sure Finn realized
what an idiot he’d been. He couldn’t, though. Not with the way his dad was
pulling Carole in close for a goodnight kiss. Not with the way he smiled at the
two of them like having two sons was the greatest thing ever. Kurt might not be
happy with Finn, he might want to rip his head off at the moment, but he loved
his dad. He couldn’t stress his father out about this right now. They’d had a
long couple of months at the beginning of the year between Kurt’s bullying and
Burt getting sick, Kurt didn’t want to mess things up for them now that his dad
was finally happy.
Yelling at Finn could wait for another time.
He headed upstairs, reminding himself that he had six finals between Thursday
and Friday and more important things to worry about besides Finn. His phone
buzzed in his pocket as he was getting changed into his pajamas. He smiled as
he read the text from Blaine.
To Kurt:
I hope you got home safe <3
He couldn’t help but blush at the heart Blaine had added to the text message.
He wasn’t sure if he was in love with Blaine yet, he didn’t even know if he
knew what love actually felt like, but he knew he was well on his way. After
tonight, hearing everything that Blaine had gone through, he knew that he’d
found someone special. Blaine’d managed to go through hell at his old school
and come out on top. He was happy and healthy and everything Kurt could ever
hope for in a partner.
To Blaine:
Safe and sound <3
Blaine’s response came immediately and Kurt had to remind himself that he had
finals to study for and a paper to finish. He couldn’t let this consume his
night. He would see what Blaine had said, bid him goodnight and talk to him
later. After all, they had all the time in the world for conversation, didn’t
they?
To Kurt:
Good. Adele’s new album is leaking online.
One song every hour.
Rumor Has It, Kurt. Listen to it.
This album is going to consume my life until Florence decides to release
something new.
So much for homework, Kurt thought with a roll of his eyes as he opened his
laptop to get on the message boards and hunt down all the leaked tracks. If
Blaine was recommending new music, Kurt knew it would be life changing, and
this was Adele. Kurt quickly located all of the mp3s and had them on his iPod
within twenty minutes—Tumblr really was a godsend. Kurt wrote his paper to the
tracks of 21, texting Blaine with his opinions on each new song as they came
out. The two of them didn’t get to sleep until three, but Kurt didn’t regret a
thing.
He was just glad that they still had their friendship to fall back on now that
they were having sex. As much as he enjoyed kissing Blaine and getting off
together, he also knew that they had a special bond as friends that nothing
would ever be able to touch. He’d been nervous that would disappear in favor of
sexts and make out sessions. He was glad to see all that worrying had been for
nothing.
****
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went in a blur of papers, studying, Glee
rehearsals, swim practices and Christmas shopping. Kurt and Blaine hadn’t had
the time to see each other since their talk on Monday, but Kurt wasn’t worried.
They were both busy, that was all. Blaine had told him that he liked him and
that had been enough for Kurt. Hell, that was more than Kurt had ever dreamed
of. He had stopped being paranoid over every delayed text message and being
barely acknowledged wave in the hallway.
There had been a few more instances with the football players bullying him, but
nothing beyond hateful words had happened so Kurt wasn’t too concerned. He
could deal with the slurs, he didn’t know if he could deal with another one of
his carefully planned outfits getting slushied. He had stashed an extra outfit
in his locker on Tuesday so he’d be prepared if those goons decided to slushie
him again.
Thursday had hit them all faster than anyone had been prepared for and the
entire school was a rush of kids running to classes so they wouldn’t be late to
finals and studying frantically during any spare minute of free time. Kurt had
never seen the library so crowded as during finals week, when he sat down at
one of the tables with Lauren after his Physics final had let out.
To Kurt:
This French final is a joke now that I’ve got you as my tutor.
Kurt smiled at the text, before looking up at Lauren who was suspiciously
typing away at her laptop.
“What are you doing?” Kurt asked.
“Writing a computer program for Marc Griffon’s Computer Science project,” she
explained, not looking up from the screen.
“You can’t do that,” Kurt said, scandalized.
“I’ve got two hundred bucks here that says I can,” she said with a satisfied
smirk.
“You’re getting paid two hundred dollars to do somebody’s final project?” Kurt
asked, whispering so none of the teachers would overhear.
“And it’s only going to take me twenty minutes,” Lauren laughed like it was the
funniest thing ever.
Kurt gave her an amused smile as she practically fell out of her chair. He
wasn’t sure how they’d even become friends, they were so different from each
other. She was a rule breaker and a complete bad-ass. He felt guilty when he
was two minutes late to class and was about as intimidating as Kermit the Frog.
“And…done,” she said, typing one final thing on the computer before closing it
and putting it into her bag. “So, are you going to tell me what’s got you
smiling like you’re about to be committed to the looney bin while the rest of
us are busy stressing out over finals?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kurt said as he pulled out his copy
of Macbeth to bury his face in so she wouldn’t see him blushing. He could feel
his phone vibrating again, but he didn’t dare look at it while Lauren was
staring him down. He wasn’t going to give her any more ammunition to work with.
“Are you sure?” she asked, a knowing hint to her voice.
Kurt chanced a glance up at her to see her smirking at him in the way that
usually meant she knew more than she was letting on.
“Does it have anything to do with the sex you and Anderson had in the janitor’s
closet on Monday?” she asked innocently.
Kurt slammed his book down on the table as his eyes went wide from shock.
“Wha—how—who even—what?” Kurt sputtered, looking for something intelligent to
say, knowing that his bumbling was making him look even guiltier.
“Relax Wonderboy, nobody knows but me,” she said, waving her hand as if this
would somehow calm him down. It didn’t even come close. How had she found out?
Had she seen them coming out of the closet together? Had she overheard them
talking about it? Stolen his phone and gone through his text messages?
“I’ve got this entire school bugged, I saw you two,” she explained casually
like it was no big deal. Like her seeing him fooling around with Blaine,
rutting against each other practically naked was just another day in her life.
It was mortifying to think that such a private moment had been caught on tape.
“Is that even legal?” he asked, his voice frantic.
“Relax, it’s high school not the Oval Office, I’m hardly getting secrets that
will start World War III,” she explained.
“Give me the tape,” Kurt said, trying his best to remain calm.
“It’s already been deleted,” she laughed.
“Lauren,” Kurt fixed her with a serious look. “Please give me the tape. The
original, too.”
“Fine,” Lauren said with a shrug. “I don’t know what you’re so uptight about,
your form was excellent and you both seemed to enjoy yourselves.”
“Oh God,” Kurt’s head feel into his arms and he wondered if it was possible to
die from embarrassment. He could not believe one of his first sexual encounters
had been witnessed by his friend. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow
him whole.
“You act like it’s my fault you two are so horny you couldn’t wait until you
got home,” she said, sliding a flash drive across the table towards him.
“You just carry it around?” he whispers harshly, feeling his face grow
impossibly darker as he quickly pockets the flash drive and does his best to
forget about it.
“Well, where would you like me to keep it?”
Kurt glared at her, wondering again how they’d even become friends. Is this the
kind of things that friends did for one another, because if it was, he’d like a
refund.
“Why did you even bug the school?” Kurt asked, trying to calm himself down so
he wouldn’t spend the rest of the day looking like a giant tomato.
“Practice for the future,” she shrugged. “Besides, the blackmail money I get
from the idiots I catch on screen is enough to fund my Cadbury addiction during
off-season.”
“So you were keeping this for blackmail then?” Kurt glared at her.
“Did I make you pay me to give it back?” Lauren asked. “Friends don’t blackmail
friends. I was just keeping it because I thought you might like to watch you
and your new Bella get it on. Otherwise I would have deleted it.”
“And you decided that a good friend would watch the entire thing to down?” Kurt
asked doubtfully.
“You can’t blame me. You know I have a Twilight addiction and that was like
every porny version of Edward/Cisboy!Bella come to life. I had to,” she said
giving him a half-guilty look that he knew was the closet to an apology he
would get with her.
“I can’t believe you filmed us,” Kurt said, quieter this time, feeling himself
starting to get over his embarrassment about the whole thing. If Lauren wasn’t
going to be awkward over it, then he shouldn’t be, right? It wasn’t like he was
ashamed of Blaine. They were teenagers. Apart from skipping class, there wasn’t
anything wrong with them getting out some of their sexual tension with a
willing partner.
“I can’t believe my virginal little Cullen is getting deflowered by an
Olympian,” Lauren said with a proud smile.
“Junior Olympian,” Kurt corrected, feeling his face flush when she smirked at
him and made some comment about there being nothing junior about their
equipment. “I thought you didn’t like my crush on Blaine,” he fired back.
“That was before I realized how much that boy worships you,” Lauren said. “You
two are like a real life one true pairing.”
“Is there anything you don’t fangirl over?”, he teased her as the bell rang and
they both got up to head to their next finals.
“The Glee Club,” she said, giving him a knowing look. “Please tell me the rumor
that you guys are going to carol around the school is false.”
“Unfortunately not,” he sighed. “I’ve already prepared a see-through Marc
Jacobs rain coat in preparation for all the Christmas colored slushies I’m
going to have thrown at me.”
“I’m not cleaning you up this time,” she said. “If anything, I’ll be the one
holding the cup.”
“Can’t say I’d blame you,” Kurt laughed as they made their way towards
Government.
****
Kurt’s government final took every bit of the seventy minutes they were
allotted, so he didn’t get to look Blaine’s text until he was on his way to
lunch, surrounded by Rachel Berry and that quiet Asian girl Kurt was pretty
sure was dating Blaine’s friend Mike. Rachel was rattling off instructions
about sewing snowflakes onto cardigans for them to wear when they went caroling
tomorrow. Tina—at least that’s what Kurt thought her name was, he had a hard
time keeping everyone straight—was glaring at Rachel out of the corner of her
eye, but didn’t say anything. Kurt figured that was smart, from what he’d
gathered from Rachel based on the few times she’d been over to his house with
Finn, she was a bit… intense.
Kurt ignored Rachel’s blabbering in favor of pulling out his phone and checking
his messages.
To Kurt:
Rumor is that my Stats final only takes a half hour, meet me in our special
closet after?
Kurt felt himself heat up at the reminder of the sex tape he was currently
carrying around in his pocket. There would be no more rendezvous on school
grounds anymore. Not as long as Lauren was running her illegal businesses and
continued to bug her unsuspecting classmates. Kurt still hadn’t figured out how
he would get back at her for this, but he knew it would have to be something
big.
To Blaine:
Love to, except we can’t do this at school anymore :(
He quickly typed out, hiding his screen from Rachel when she tried to peak over
his shoulder.
“Who are you talking to?” she asked him, suspiciously.
“Just a friend,” Kurt said, giving her a strange look. What business was it of
hers?
“Just checking that you’re not talking to anyone from your old school’s Glee
Club,” Rachel said. “As captain of the New Directions, it’s my job to make sure
that everyone is completely loyal to the club, meaning they aren’t spilling our
secrets to our competition.”
“Relax,” Tina said with a roll of her eyes. “Not everyone is Jesse St. James.”
“I wasn’t even in Glee Club at my old school,” Kurt said defensively. He wasn’t
even sure what they were talking about, but he couldn’t help the feeling that
Rachel was attacking him a bit.
“You weren’t in Glee Club before?” Rachel asked, giving him a surprised look
along with Tina.
“No,” he said with a shrug.
“Well you must have done theatre then?” Rachel pressed.
“Nope,” he responded. “The most practice I’ve gotten is singing along to old
musicals in my room.”
“Impressive,” Tina said with a smirk, giving Rachel a satisfied look. “All that
talent and no training, he might even pass you up with a little work, Berry.”
“I doubt it,” she said, turning on her heel and heading in the direction of the
choir room, completely forgetting that she had been the one to invite Kurt to
lunch with her.
“What’s her deal?” Kurt asked, perplexed.
“She’s Rachel, you’ll learn to get used to it,” Tina explained. “Dramatic exits
are kind of her signature move.”
“Right,” Kurt nodded as if it made sense, when he was still completely
confused. He’d never had friends before, but he assumed this was all part of
getting to know people. Artist were supposed to be fickle and dramatic, wasn’t
that what he’d read? Maybe this was all completely normal behavior and he just
didn’t understand because up until recently his only companion had been his
father and the people he talked to on the internet.
His phone buzzed in his hand, three texts from Blaine. He must have missed the
first two while trying to make sense of Rachel, a mistake he was sure to make
again.
To Kurt:
???
Did something happen?
I thought you were okay with it last time? You mad or something?
Tina was giving him a curious look as he flicked through his messages, knowing
that his face was flushed with the memory of the last time Blaine had met him
in that closet. Luckily she had enough tact not to ask him about it.
It wasn’t that Kurt didn’t enjoy himself, he’d certainly enjoyed every second
of their time together. He just didn’t enjoy it enough to invite Lauren in to
watch them for a second time. Once was emotionally scarring enough, thank you
very much.
His fingers hesitated over the screen as Tina lead him into the lunchroom,
helping him avoid running into anything. He was debating over what to say to
Blaine. He didn’t know how he would react to this news and it felt weird to
send over a text. However, he figured it wouldn’t sound that much better
hearing it in person. Hell, he’d probably be too embarrassed to say the words
out loud. He had a sex tape of them.
Kurt Hummel, previously Never-Been-Kissed-in-a-way-that-mattered Hummel, had a
sex tape of him getting off with the hottest boy at school.
No, Kurt had to tell Blaine. He couldn’t go the rest of the day with the flash
drive burning a hole in his pocket. He had to tell somebody, if only so he
didn’t feel like he was carrying around this massive secret with nobody to
share it with. Sure, he had Lauren, but all she was interested in was
convincing him to do it again so she could write kinky smut about it to put on
her blog.
To Blaine:
Let’s just say that we weren’t exactly as secretive as we thought we were.
The response came immediately. Kurt wondered how he was even managing to text
during his math final, but he realized that was hardly what mattered at the
moment.
To Kurt:
What are you talking about? Somebody saw us?
I haven’t heard anything.
Kurt paid for his lunch, one he didn’t even remember getting, and followed Tina
over to a table. There were a few other kids there that he recognized. The kid
in a wheelchair, Artie, the Latina cheerleader and the ditzy one, Kurt couldn’t
remember their names because they’d never introduced themselves to him, and
Mike. They greeted him and went right back into discussions about caroling the
next day.
“Maybe I can fake a heart attack and you can tell Schue that you need to take
me to the doctor,” the Latina girl said.
“That won’t work, Schue’ll call 9-11,” Mike said. “We can all just ditch.”
“What and put Rachel on a war path? You remember what happened when we didn’t
show up to that nursing home gig?” Artie said, causing them all to get a
horrified look on their face.
“Face it, there’s no way out of caroling,” Tina said, leaning into Mike’s open
arms for emotional support.
They all seemed preoccupied enough that Kurt didn’t feel rude continuing his
texting with Blaine.
To Blaine:
Do you know Lauren Zizes?
To Kurt:
The girl Puck “didn’t” make out with at the last swimming party and “certainly
doesn’t like”???
Kurt rolled his eyes at that, wondering just how much Blaine knew about Puck
and Lauren. Kurt didn’t even know all of the details. Maybe Blaine could fill
him in and he could play matchmaker…
Not the time, he reminded himself. Besides, he was mad at Lauren. She didn’t
deserve him helping out her romantic life.
To Blaine:
Apparently she’s got the entire school bugged.
To Kurt:
What are you talking about?
Oh God, couldn’t Blaine just put two and two together? Was he really going to
make him say it? If he put it out there in black and white, it would make it
real. Right now, he could at least pretend the flash drive contained a pirated
version of the latest Twilight.
To Blaine:
Apparently she’s training to be a Russian spy when she grows up… there was a
camera in that closet. Lauren saw us.
To Kurt:
Shit! Really?
Do you think she told anyone?
Kurt was confused by the last text. Was that what concerned Blaine? He was
upset that other people might find out about them? Kurt thought Blaine liked
him, was he embarrassed by that?
To Blaine:
Would that make you upset?
To Kurt:
That’s not what I meant… I just…
This is a lot to take in. I’m shocked I guess.
Kurt felt bad for immediately being defensive. Of course Blaine was surprised.
Kurt had been too when he’d found out. This wasn’t something either of them had
really planned on.
To Blaine:
She gave me the original of the tape. She hasn’t said anything to anyone else.
She’s my friend, she won’t.
To Kurt:
So you’re telling me that you’re in possession of a sex tape starring yours
truly and the most gorgeous man in all of Ohio?
Kurt had to blush at that. Even if he didn’t believe half of Blaine’s
compliments, they were still nice to hear.
To Blaine:
No, I’m telling you there’s a sex tape of you and me.
To Kurt:
I’m kind of speechless, that’s embarrassing Zizes saw that.
Though I’m sure it was hot.
To Blaine:
So she tells me.
At least you don’t have to look her in the eyes every day. She couldn’t stop
talking about how great it all was.
To Kurt:
We should watch it.
To Blaine:
What?
No.
Why?
Why would Blaine want to see them together? And why was that idea starting to
turn him on? What was the matter with him?
To Kurt:
What’s done is done right?
Bring it over, we can watch it this afternoon before I have to go pick my
brother up from the airport ;)
Kurt couldn’t stop his face from turning red, causing more than a few of New
Directions to watch him suspiciously.
To Blaine:
I’m studying for finals.
To Kurt:
You’re gonna show me that tape sooner or later and I’m going to make you so
happy you did.
****
By the time Glee practice finally let out, Kurt was exhausted. He’d had little
sleep thanks to studying all night, four incredibly grueling finals that day
and one Rachel Berry bossing him around for the last hour and a half. All he
wanted was to eat dinner and take a long, warm bath before falling into bed
before waking up and taking his last four finals. What he wasn’t expecting was
to see Blaine leaned against his Escalade, looking like a runway model with his
charcoal grey pea coat and Titan colored scarf paired with what was probably
Kurt’s favorite pair of black pants thanks to the way they clung to Blaine’s
ass in all the right ways.
Kurt bit back the immediate sense of arousal he felt at the site of him leaning
against his car, because Blaine could be his now. Blaine had to go to the
airport today to pick up his brother and Kurt had to be home. There wasn’t any
time for the sinful things that Kurt was thinking of doing to Blaine. He’d have
to save those thoughts for once winter break finally hit and they had some free
time to actually explore one another.
“Where’s Finn?” Blaine asked him with smile Kurt was starting to realize he
only used when they were alone. It sent a tingle down him that settled low in
his belly.
“Getting a ride with Rachel so they can study,” Kurt said with a roll of his
eyes. “I thought you had to pick your brother up from the airport today.”
“I don’t have to leave for an hour or so,” Blaine said, trailing off and giving
him a knowing look.
Kurt knew what that look meant and he was thankful for it. Ever since they’d
started fooling around this past weekend, Kurt’s been almost insatiable. It’s
like all of those years that he spent not being able to kiss or date like
everyone else was making him addicted to the feeling now.
“You’re not getting that video from me,” Kurt teased. They’d been getting to
know one another better and Kurt was starting to understand just how much
Blaine liked it when he played the innocent card, when he acted completely
oblivious to Blaine’s sexual advances.
“Who said anything about a video?” Blaine smirked, reaching out to grab onto
his scarf and pull him closer.
“You’re not getting it from me,” he laughed as Blaine began playing with his
scarf, threading his fingers through the fabric and looking up at him through
the tops of his lashes. Kurt had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop
himself from throwing Blaine against the car door and kissing him senseless. He
couldn’t think straight when Blaine looked up at him like that, like Kurt was
all he’d ever want.
“I’ll get it out of you sooner than later,” Blaine said, poking at his side
playfully.
“Oh, and how do you suppose you’re going to do that Mr. Anderson?” Kurt fired
back, reaching around Blaine to unlock the car door. It was cold outside and
they should really have been having this conversation in private. Kurt didn’t
know how much longer he would be able to resist Blaine and he didn’t think the
school would appreciate them going at it in the middle of the parking lot for
anyone to see.
“By exploiting your weaknesses,” he said hotly into Kurt’s ear, causing him to
drop his keys to the ground.
“I have weaknesses?” Kurt said, breathily.
Blaine nodded and looked around the empty parking lot to ensure that they were
alone before leaning in and sucking at a spot right below his ear, making Kurt
gasp.
“Okay,” Kurt said quickly. “Okay, you win.”
“What’s my prize?” Blaine asked while he licked a line up his neck.
“How much time did you say you had?”
Fifteen minutes later, the boys found themselves in the back seat of Kurt’s
car, parked in an abandoned parking lot hidden from the street by some
overgrown bushes. Blaine was spread out under Kurt, shirt already unbuttoned
and arching up into Kurt’s hands wherever he touched. Kurt was currently
mouthing at his collarbone as Blaine spread his legs wider to accommodate Kurt.
It wasn’t the most comfortable of positions. The seats weren’t long enough for
Kurt to really be able to stretch out and they had to be careful unless they
wanted to fall off the seat, but Blaine was moaning his name and Kurt’s lips
were on his sweaty skin and Kurt couldn’t find any complaint with that.
“Oh God, yes,” Blaine mumbled as Kurt’s tongue circled around his nipple,
sucking it into his mouth until it hardened. Then Kurt nibbled on it,
experimentally. Blaine immediately cried out as his hips bucked up to slam into
Kurt’s. If he wasn’t hard already, he was certainly there now.
Blaine’s hand flew up behind him trying to grasp at something, only succeeding
in leaving a dragging handprint on the steamed up window. Kurt would have to
clean that later, his father was meticulous about clean cars and would notice
smudge marks on the window and ask Kurt who he’d had in the back seat of his
car. That was a problem for another time. Currently, Kurt was busy trying to
find all of Blaine’s weaknesses. So far there was biting his swollen lower lip,
the spot right at his pulse point, and now his overly sensitive nipples.
“I have to go soon,” Blaine whimpered as his fingers dug into Kurt’s ass to
drag him closer.
“Your brother can wait,” Kurt commanded, unsure where this new sense of power
had come from but noticing the way it made Blaine’s eyes light up in desire.
“Yeah,” Blaine agreed, his voice high and desperate. He was completely gone at
this point and the way his legs wrapped around Kurt’s hips and squeezed until
Blaine’s hard-on was pressing into Kurt’s stomach caused his tight fitting
pants to become unbearable.
“Yeah,” Blaine repeated, this time sounding more sure of what he was saying.
“My brother can wait.”
Blaine grabbed him by the back of the neck and forced him back up until their
mouths met in a hungry kiss. His tongue still tasted like coffee and spearmint
and Kurt would never admit it but it had made him start drinking coffee more
and chewing gum just so he could remember the taste throughout the day.
As their mouths continued to move together, making wet smacking sounds whenever
one of them would pull away, Blaine’s hands began to push through the
centimeters between them until he reached his pants. He fumbled with the
button, but his fingers kept slipping every time Kurt would pull his lower lip
into his mouth to suck on it. Kurt reached down to help, but with neither of
them willing to separate their hips for long. Getting Blaine’s pants open was
an almost impossible task.
After several failed attempts on both their parts, they finally managed to undo
the top button and Kurt found himself pulling down the zipper so he could palm
Blaine through his briefs. Blaine’s head flew back and smacked into the door
hard.
“Are you alright?,” Kurt asked, worried he’d managed to give Blaine a
concussion.
“It’s fine,” Blaine said through a wince, but whether that was from the pain or
from the pleasure Kurt couldn’t be sure. His hand moved off of Blaine to check
his head over for any signs of bleeding when Blaine started giggling.
“It’s really fine,” he said with a soft smile. “Amazingly fine. Just got a
little carried away.”
“Are you sure?” Kurt fussed.
“Positive,” he said, running a soft hand through Kurt’s hair, lovingly. “Your
hand was on my dick. My mind just… short circuited for a minute. I’m good. You
can keep touching me now.”
Kurt nodded, convinced that Blaine was telling the truth. He kissed him again,
this time leaving a wet trail from his lips all the way to his ear, while his
hand snaked between them again to push Blaine’s briefs down. As he began to
suck on Blaine’s earlobe, he lifted his palm back up to Blaine’s mouth. Blaine
immediately understood what he was asking for and began licking hot trails over
his palm, even taking Kurt’s fingers into his mouth to suck on.
Once Kurt’s palm was sufficiently wet enough to provide some lubrication, his
hand snaked down between them to take hold of Blaine completely.
“Fuck,” Blaine cursed as Kurt simultaneously bit below Blaine’s ear.
“I don’t think you’ll last long enough for that,” Kurt whispered seductively
into his ear. Blaine’s eyes shot open and gave him a surprised look. Kurt just
shrugged it off and started pumping at Blaine, relishing the feeling of him
hard and leaking pre-come just for Kurt.
“You’re going to be the death of me,” Blaine whimpered, hips bucking up to meet
every one of Kurt’s hard strokes.
Kurt crawled off the seat and onto the floor so he could have both hands to
work with as he began kissing all the way down Blaine’s chest. While one hand
continued to play with Blaine’s dick, thumbing over the head to spread the pre-
come around, the other moved to the back of his knee, lifting it until Blaine’s
heel was pressing into the seat and he was open more for Kurt to see.
Kurt’s tongue trailed around his belly button for a few minutes. By this point,
Blaine had lost all ability to think, only mumbling out half words that sounded
vulgar yet still sexy. His face dipped lower, tongue skimming over the dark
trail of hair just below his belly button. He was surprised that the smell of
musk and sex rolling off of Blaine didn’t smell dirty. It smelled delicious and
Kurt just wanted to taste him, but he didn’t even know where to start so he
held back. He didn’t want to embarrass himself by trying to give a blow job
without so much as researching it first. What if he did it all wrong and Blaine
never wanted to do anything with him again?
Instead of taking him into his mouth like he wanted to, he settled for sucking
a mark into the inside of Blaine’s thigh. His free hand started playing with
Blaine’s balls, rolling them between his fingers as he cried out for more.
Kurt didn’t realize he would get so hard just from touching Blaine alone. He
wasn’t even palming himself, yet still he felt like he could come on the spot.
His hand dipped down lower, eager to explore more, when he reached around to
grab at Blaine’s ass and he ended up brushing over his hole instead.
Blaine’s loud groan managed to silence any fears Kurt had that he was doing
this all wrong. If Blaine was losing himself in the passion and not worried
about anything, why was Kurt holding back? He lifted his head to tentatively
lick at Blaine’s head while fingering over his hole again. He was surprised to
feel Blaine’s hand fly to his hair and pull him back suddenly, but understood
as soon as he watched Blaine come all over his stomach.
Kurt didn’t think there would ever be as sexier image than Blaine coming. With
his head thrown back in reckless abandon, eyes squeezed shut as his perfectly
sculpted abs were splattered white, Kurt knew that he was witnessing something
special. If the porn industry ever discovered the magic that was Blaine
Anderson, they would make billions.
“Where did that come from?” Blaine asked, his voice breathless like he had just
run a mile.
Kurt just shrugged, hoping that everything had been okay. He was still new to
this and knew that Blaine had been with older men. With men that probably knew
their way around a penis much better than he did, even though he’d grown plenty
acquainted with his own since meeting Blaine.
“Come here,” Blaine said, swinging his legs to the ground and struggling to sit
up so that Kurt had room to sit down.
Once they were sitting side by side, Blaine leaned in to give him a lingering
kiss. Kurt closed his eyes and tried to forget about the ache in his own pants
that had yet to be taken care of. Blaine was already fifteen minutes late in
leaving for the airport; he could just jerk off in the shower when he got home.
“You should probably get going,” Kurt said, pulling away from the kiss. He
reached up to run his hands through Blaine’s hair, trying to flatten it back
down so he wouldn’t look quite so sex hazed when he saw his brother. It was bad
enough that his lips were swollen and he had the beginnings of a hickey on his
neck.
“Yeah, I probably should,” Blaine said, though he didn’t look like he was
planning on leaving any time soon. “But there’s something I want to do first.”
Kurt watched as Blaine slunk down to the floor in front of him. His breath
hitched as Blaine undid the button on his pants, staring at Kurt through the
tops of his lashes the entire time. Kurt couldn’t break eye contact. The sight
of Blaine on his knees below him was making him practically shake with
anticipation. Blaine couldn’t honestly be about to do what Kurt thought he was
about to do, right?
Kurt watched silently, too afraid to even breathe loudly if it meant
distracting Blaine long enough to make him stop. He held back a groan as the
zipper of his pants was lowered and the back of Blaine’s knuckles brushed over
the now wet spot on his briefs. He pulled at Kurt’s hips until he lifted them,
and soon Kurt’s pants and underwear were gone, leaving him completely bare for
Blaine.
“Don’t hold back,” Blaine said, pushing Kurt’s knees father apart. The car had
started cooling off a bit since they’d slowed down and the cold air against his
body caused him to shiver. “Nobody else will be able to hear you but me.”
Kurt allowed himself to cry out as Blaine’s warm tongue licked slowly from his
balls all the way up to the tip of his cock, swirling around before sucking the
head into his mouth. Kurt couldn’t help but thrust up a bit, causing Blaine to
pull back. He used his hands to hold Kurt’s hips down and stop him from moving.
“Now, now,” he said with a click of his tongue. “Patience is a virtue.”
“Blaine, please,” Kurt said, his voice deep with lust.
He thread his fingers through Blaine’s hair, holding on tight as Blaine’s mouth
continued to tease him by leaving open mouth kisses at the inside of his thighs
and the jut of his hipbone. He even had the nerve to suck at his balls while
his dick continued to throb painful and ignored.
Kurt watched as he pulled back and began to rub his hands together to warm them
up. He wanted to plead with Blaine, to beg him to just blow him already. This
teasing was too much for his inexperienced self to handle. He would be lucky if
he lasted until Blaine decided to do something. At the rate he was going, he
would come any second.
“Blaine, I can’t,” Kurt panted out, needing him to know how close he was so
that he would get on with it and stop teasing him.
Blaine’s thumb and forefinger wrapped around the base of his dick and squeezed,
effectively cutting off blood flow. It made Kurt start to feel harder, yet it
stopped him from coming before anything began, so he sighed in relief. If
Blaine was going to give him his first blow job ever, Kurt wanted it to last
long enough to be worth remembering.
He continued to moan loudly as Blaine’s lips finally closed over his shaft,
tongue swirling around the head. He almost passed out from pleasure as Blaine’s
other hand began circling around his hole. Kurt never thought he’d be
comfortable with another man touching that part of him. He’d always considered
it so dirty, but all of those thoughts went out the window when it was Blaine
doing the touching. Suddenly it all felt so right and sexy.
Blaine moaned around him, causing him to practically vibrate. His hips began
thrusting lightly into Blaine and Kurt was surprised when it only made Blaine
moan more. Was he really going to let him fuck into his mouth like that? Kurt’s
grip on his hair tightened as his hips began moving faster.
He had thought about blow jobs before. He’d masturbated enough times to the
image of a man on his knees for him. He’d been guilty of getting off in the
shower in the hopes that some warm water might stimulate the feeling of another
man’s mouth on him—for the record it didn’t even come close. He just never
realized how much better it would feel than warm hands wrapped around him. The
wetness of Blaine’s mouth, the suction that came with it… it was overwhelming
and amazing. Kurt never wanted it to stop but he knew if it went on much longer
he would absolutely die. His entire body felt like it was on fire.
“Too much,” Kurt managed to pant out as his head feel forward, the amount of
work it took to keep it up was too much when all of his energy was focused on
one thing.
Blaine didn’t pull off, but he did loosen his grip on the base of his dick.
That was all it took for Kurt. As the beginnings of his orgasm started, he
tried to pull at Blaine’s hair to get him to stop, but Blaine just moaned and
kept sucking on him eagerly like a kid in a candy store.
“Can’t… I’m gonna… Can’t stop it.” Kurt’s words were mumbled and his sentences
were only half formed, but Blaine finally got the message and pulled off.
“Just let go,” he said, but not before pulling him back into his mouth. Kurt’s
stomach tightened and his hips bucked up as he yelled out profanities and came
down Blaine’s throat. Part of him was mortified at that, but he knew Blaine
must have wanted him to do it if he’d completely ignored Kurt’s warnings.
Before Kurt even got a chance to come down from his post-orgasm high properly,
Blaine was crawling into his lap. He was still naked, pants finally making it
all the way off at some point. Blaine was hard again and Kurt couldn’t help but
whine as he brushed up against his oversensitive dick.
“I can’t,” Kurt whined, his dick throbbing almost painfully at the friction.
“Come on,” Blaine whispered into his ear, hotly. “What’s the point of being
teenagers if we don’t take advantage of fast recovery time?”
Blaine was mouthing at his neck while Kurt tried to come up with a good reason
to say no when Blaine’s phone started going off.
“Shit,” Blaine said, bending over the seat to search through the pocket of his
pants. Kurt was rewarded with a nice view of Blaine’s tight ass that made him
suddenly ready to go again despite the fact that he’d just gotten off with the
most intense orgasm of his life.
He watched as Blaine comically located his phone only to have it slip through
his grasp and fall to the floor. By the time he picked it up, the call had gone
to voicemail. He sat back up in Kurt’s lap, completely comfortable with the
fact that he was naked and straddling him. Kurt couldn’t help but loop his arms
around Blaine’s waist and smile. How was he so lucky to get to be with somebody
as perfect as Blaine?
“That was my brother,” Blaine grumbled. “He’s probably pissed I’m not there
with balloons and a welcome home sign.”
“He was in LA, not the army,” Kurt said, giving him an amused look.
“You’ve never met my brother,” Blaine said with a roll of his eyes. Before Kurt
could respond to that, his phone started ringing again and Blaine picked it up.
“Yeah?” Blaine answered, trying not to sound out of breath like he’d just been
giving his boyfriend a blow job and was well on his way to getting them both
off again. Kurt didn’t have the heart to tell him he was failing miserably.
“What do you mean you’ve landed already? I just looked up the flight
information two minutes ago and it said you were delayed.”
Kurt admired the way he was able to come up with a lie to cover his tracks so
quickly. He obviously had a lot more practice with this kind of thing that Kurt
did. He chose not to think about why that might be.
“No… I must have looked at the wrong flight number. My bad. I’ll just… No don’t
call Dad. I’ll be there soon… Fuck you, I just said I’d be there soon didn’t I?
Yeah… No I’ll see you soon.”
Blaine hung up the phone and gave Kurt a sad look.
“My brother’s here,” he explained, crawling off of Kurt to start separating the
clothes that were tangled together on the floor. He handed Kurt his clothes
while he began to get dressed himself.
“I guess I’ll have to take a raincheck on that taking advantage of recovery
time thing,” Kurt said as he pulled his clothes on.
He watched as Blaine struggled to button up his pants, his body still too sated
to be successful with much of anything. Kurt thought it was somehow both
adorable and incredibly sexy. He leaned over so that he could help Blaine
button up his pants then pulled up the zipper carefully.
“Perfect,” Kurt said, giving him a quick kiss on the lips that quickly turned
into something more. Just as both of them were about to lose themselves
completely and start stripping off clothing again, Blaine pulled away with a
shake of his head.
“You have to go,” Kurt stated for him.
“Unfortunately,” Blaine said with a nod. “My dad’s gonna ream me out when he
finds out I was late picking up the golden child.”
“I thought you were the golden child, Mr. Junior Olympian,” Kurt said, picking
up Blaine’s scarf from the front seat and wrapping it around his neck before
reaching up again for his coat.
“Long story, I’ll tell it to you later…” Blaine trailed off, giving him a funny
look.
“What?” Kurt asked, wondering if he had something on his face.
“You’re my perfect thing,” Blaine said, his tone held a touch of something that
Kurt couldn’t quite recognize, but it sounded sad. Blaine leaned in really
close so that their lips were almost touching before adding, “Don’t ever
change.”
They kissed quickly and when Blaine pulled away he was back to smiling
confidently. Kurt didn’t know how to respond to that, so he decided to just
cover it up with a joke.
“You’re just trying to butter me up so that you can get the tape,” he said.
“Nope.” Blaine grinned wickedly. “I’ve already got that.”
He opened his palm to show the flash drive Lauren had given him earlier that
day in his palm.
“Blaine!” Kurt yelled as Blaine opened the car door and jumped out, letting a
gust of freezing cold air inside the previously warm car.
“You can have it back after you watch it with me tomorrow,” he said with a
happy grin. “My house after school?” he asked, starting to walk backwards
towards where he’d parked his own car in preparation for needing to leave
straight from here to go to the airport.
“You can help me clean the inevitable slushie out of my hair after we finish
caroling,” Kurt said.
“I’ll have a warm shower ready and waiting for us.”
***** Blaine Interlude 9.5 *****
On the last day of school before winter break Coach Roz had blessed them all
with a morning practice, claiming they needed to up their game for the winter
invitational meet over break. Normally, Blaine was a zombie before morning
practices. He wasn’t a morning person and people knew better than to try and
talk to him before he got a second cup of coffee in him and had been woken up
by cold water, chlorine and a hearty workout. Today was different though. Today
he felt like he was walking on air.
It didn’t matter that his brother was in town or that he’d gotten reamed out by
his father when they returned home late. It didn’t matter that he’d had to sit
through dinner listening to Cooper’s perfect life in LA while his dad talked
about the good old days—the days when Cooper still lived at home and Blaine was
still too young to have come out . No amount of ribbing from his brother or
disapproval from his father was going to bring him down now, because he had
something special. He had something so wonderful and bright in his life that it
managed to make even the dark things shine.
Kurt.
That light had been pretty bright when they were just friends, but now that
they’d progressed into something more, it was almost blinding. Blaine couldn’t
seem to get enough of the warmth he felt whenever he was with Kurt. They spent
an amazing afternoon together and had texted back and forth until well into the
night, making Blaine feel lighter than he had in months, maybe even years.
So that morning when his alarm went off for the first time, he didn’t hit
snooze like he usually did. He woke up, packed his practice bag and had a full
half hour to spare before he had to leave the house. He debated going back to
sleep for a few minutes, but he thought better of it when he saw the jump drive
sitting on his desk from yesterday.
There was nothing wrong with a little orgasm before a tough practice to help
him focus better. If said orgasm came from jerking off to a tape of Blaine and
Kurt together… Well nobody could really blame him, could they?
“You’ve got pep in your step that’s not usually there this early in the
morning,” Puck said as they walked into the locker room that morning to get
ready for practice. “What gives?”
“Yeah, I mean we’ve got like a million finals today, what are you smiling like
an idiot for?” Sam asked him.
Blaine hadn’t realized he was smiling, but he didn’t make an effort to hide it.
What was the point? So he was happy, that didn’t mean anything. Besides, they
already knew he was spending time with Kurt, what was the worst thing that
could happen? They find out that he liked him? So what?
“Can’t a guy just be happy?” Blaine asked, dumping his bag into his locker and
pulling out his suit to change into.
“Wasn’t your brother supposed to be coming into town last night?” Mike asked
him suspiciously. He was already changed into his suit and standing by the
door, waiting for them all so they could get started.
“It’s nothing,” Blaine shrugged it off, not bothering to work too hard at
covering this one up. If it got out, then maybe he and Kurt wouldn’t have to
sneak around so much. Maybe he’d get to be with him for real, not just behind
closed doors.
“Just promise me you didn’t sleep with Riley again,” Puck said, giving him a
warning look. “I’ve told you to leave him alone, he’s a tool and you shouldn’t
be hanging around him.”
“I didn’t sleep with him, Jesus, calm down,” Blaine said, secretly touched that
Puck cared so much but he couldn’t exactly say that in a room full of dudes.
“Well you’re the one wearing that ‘I just had rough and dirty sex of the
kinkiest variety’ face, what did you expect me to think?” Puck threw his hands
up in surrender when he saw Blaine glaring at him.
“I don’t always have to have rough and kinky sex to be satisfied, you know,”
Blaine grumbled, trying not to think about Riley. That ship had past and Blaine
was happy to see it go. Puck was right; Riley was a tool and had only really
used him for sex anyway.
“So you did have sex then,” Sam stated, knowingly. He high-fived Puck like the
two of them had just won the showcase on the Price is Right for figuring out
Blaine’s love life. “This is your ‘I just got laid’ face.”
“Well whatever it is, I’m just glad you’re over that Hummel twink,” Brent, one
of the seniors interrupted them with a congratulatory slap to Blaine’s back.
He felt his mouth go dry at that. Brent was a cool guy. He talked to Blaine on
occasion at parties here and there and they never had a problem with each other
before. However, they were hardly friends. The seniors were old enough to have
generally stayed out of the football/swimming rivalry that stemmed from the
Finn and Puck fallout last year. A lot of the senior swimmers were still
friends with plenty of the boys on the football team and hung out with them on
a regular basis. Blaine had never felt a need to spend much time with any of
the seniors.
Which made him that much more uncomfortable hearing derogatory comments about
Kurt coming from Brent’s mouth. Puck was different, Puck Blaine could educate.
Sam, Mike, the rest of the boys—Blaine had control over them. He could talk to
them and with a few crass comments and jokes convince them to back off. Blaine
didn’t know what Brent was getting at and what he could possibly do about it if
it turned out his intentions weren’t so good.
“Why?” Blaine asked, trying to appear nonchalant. He didn’t want to call more
attention to himself and Kurt by seeming to care too much.
“Aw nothing really,” Brent said with a shrug. “Just overheard Hunter and some
of the footballers talking is all. They’ve been harassing him because they
thought you guys were dating. Don’t really need that on your rap sheet, it’ll
bring the whole team down if they think we can’t protect against some slushies
and dumpster tosses.”
Blaine’s eyes darted around quickly trying to survey everyone’s reaction and he
was horrified to see everyone nodding their heads in agreement. So much for
thinking he could come clean about his feelings for Kurt. If the kids at school
were trying to use Kurt to get to Blaine then Blaine couldn’t exactly walk down
the halls hand in hand with Kurt now, could he? He knew what bullying could
lead to and he wasn’t ready to put himself in that kind of danger again, let
alone Kurt.
“Well, whatever,” Blaine shrugged it off, grabbing his goggles and slamming his
locker closed. They needed to be getting into the pool and he was tired of this
conversation. It was killing the nice happy buzz he’d had going. “I was never
into him anyway. Just liked the whole virginal vibe he had going on. Those
tight pants he wears were pretty tempting, too. But I’ve gotten over that now
that I’ve found somebody more experienced to get off with,” he lied through his
teeth.
If he could convince the seniors that Kurt wasn’t even a slight thing for
Blaine, then he was positive they would pass the message along to the rest of
the football team.
“Spill,” Puck said, putting a heavy arm around his shoulder and pulling him
into a headlock as they walked out to the pool. “I want to hear all about the
guy that’s fucking you so hard you’re grinning like a 14 year old fangirl who’s
just met Justin Timberlake.”
“You don’t know him,” Blaine said, quickly, hoping the questions wouldn’t go
too far. He didn’t want to get caught in his lie.
“College boy? I know most of the people you do, I bet I’ve seen him around,”
Puck said. Blaine could tell all the others were listening in like vultures. In
high school, good gossip was like currency.
“He goes to prep school… Catholic school,” Blaine corrected when he remembered
that Mike knew a bunch of boys at the prep school down the road and would
likely check up on his story. “You know how kinky those religious repressed
types are.”
“If you boys are finished gossiping like school girls, we can get started so
you don’t embarrass me this week,” Coach Roz called out to them, causing them
all to straighten up immediately and stop talking. Practice had started and
they all knew better than to try and talk to each other when Coach Roz was
running a practice. None of them wanted a Saturday morning practice added. Most
of them were still recovering from the last one two months ago. Nobody should
have to spend six hours in a pool doing suicides. Ever.
As Blaine dove into the pool, he left it all behind on the block. Cooper, his
dad, the kids at school, it was just him and the water. Nothing could touch
Blaine in the pool when he was the fastest kid in the state. He liked that
feeling. As much as being a swimmer had become a show for him, especially with
his father, swimming itself allowed him a freedom he didn’t often have. He was
fast, he was the best, and as long as he was in the pool, nobody could get the
best of him. He didn’t have to be weak so long as he was in the water doing
laps.
***** Carry Your Shame 10/25 *****
Kurt laid spread out on Blaine’s bed, completely sated and boneless thanks to
Blaine’s particular talent at giving blow jobs. The clock on the bedside table
read barely after five, but already Kurt felt ready to go to bed. He wondered
how he would make it through his dad’s mandatory Friday night dinner without
passing out, let alone how he would hide the fact that he was now sexually
active and getting off with Blaine as often as he logged into Rue La La (which
was almost daily, he had to keep up his high fashion wardrobe somehow, thank
you very much).
“Well that certainly makes up for the shoe that got thrown at me today,” Kurt
said, rolling onto his stomach to try and locate where Blaine had tossed his
underwear. He might have gotten comfortable with Blaine seeing him naked during
the heat of the moment, but he wasn’t confident enough to lounge around his
bedroom naked once they both finished.
“Not that I don’t appreciate the gorgeous view of your ass that you’re giving
me right now,” Blaine said with a happy chuckle. “But why are you getting
dressed? You don’t have to leave for another hour and none of my family will be
home until at least seven.”
Kurt didn’t respond to that. He didn’t know how to explain to somebody like
Blaine that he felt awkward in his own skin. Blaine was so comfortable with his
body—as he should be, he worked hard for those abs. Kurt was tall and lanky in
some places while still carrying his baby fat in others and he was in that in
between stage of childhood and adulthood that nobody managed to get through
unscathed unless you were gifted with the genes of a God, like Blaine. No, he
just felt like Quasimodo next to Blaine. It wasn’t that he thought he was
unattractive. Kurt knew that he had some great things to work with, starting
with his flawless skin and shockingly bright eyes. However, he also had strange
toes and was softer around the middle in all the places Blaine was rock hard.
He was getting taller every day and worried that he’d end up like Finn, a
freakish Gumby-like giant.
He felt much more comfortable when his clothes were on and they could act as a
distraction. His clothes could portray all the confidence he wanted to have but
couldn’t. His clothes gave him that confidence. Without them he was just… naked
and in more ways than one.
He located his briefs and quickly slid them on before throwing on the first
shirt he could find—Blaine’s McKinley Swim Team T-shirt. Once he was covered up
and felt more at ease, he rolled back over onto his side and into Blaine’s
arms.
“Hmmm,” Blaine hummed happily. “I’ve never had anyone wear my clothes before.”
“Is it okay?” Kurt asked quickly, he hadn’t thought about it when he’d thrown
it on, but he realized that had been rather presumptuous. Kurt would certainly
want to be asked before somebody started trying on his clothes. What if he
stretched something out? Blaine did have the tiniest little waist…
That was silly though, it was an oversized T-shirt. He couldn’t stretch it out.
“You should wear my clothes more often,” Blaine responded, leaning in to kiss
him on the lips.
“Get me naked more often,” he hummed into the kiss, surprising himself with his
boldness.
"Well, we've got 10 glorious days to be together," Blaine said, smiling down at
him like he was his entire world. "I vote we spend them all right here in my
bed."
"I think you're forgetting the fact that we're in high school. We can't exactly
have a sex crazed week without our parents interfering," Kurt explained with a
fond smile.
"Fine, be the reasonable one in our relationship," Blaine teased, but his words
made Kurt catch his breath. Did Blaine just say they were in a relationship?
Kurt had assumed, well maybe not assumed but hoped, yet Blaine hadn't ever said
anything. Nothing had been made official.
"What?" Blaine asked when he noticed the startled look on Kurt's face.
"What are we exactly?," he asked, hating himself for it. If this ruined things
between them he'd never forgive himself. "Are we boyfriends?"
"I don't really want to use that word," Blaine responded. Kurt looked away in
shame, trying to be strong as Blaine continued. "I mean, I've had boyfriends
before, or at least boys that I thought were my boyfriends. I'm not good at
being somebody's boyfriend. Boyfriends always tend to leave or I scare them
off. I don't want that for us."
Kurt tried his best to really listen to what Blaine was saying and understand,
he really did, but it was hard when he felt like his heart had been ripped out
of his chest and was being squeezed way too tight. Blaine didn't want him. Why
should he? He was just some conquest to fill the time between school and swim
practice. A filler until the next college boy came around.
"This feels different from the other boys I've been with—more important,"
Blaine continued, placing his hand on Kurt's arm and forcing him to meet his
sincere eyes. Well fuck, Blaine. Was he trying to make it impossible for Kurt
to be angry at him? Kurt felt like his entire world had imploded, he had a
right to be upset.
"You're my best friend, Kurt. I really, really care about you. I don't want to
screw this up by putting a careless, overused label on this when the term best
friend feels so much more meaningful and lasting."
"So we're just friends," Kurt said, trying to sound upbeat about it. "Friends
with benefits."
"I don't think we've ever been just friends," Blaine said giving him an amused
smile. "Just because I don't want to call you a boyfriend because I think it's
an overused term, that doesn't come close to describing you doesn't mean this
is just sex for me. It's just that, for me, I've had plenty of 'boyfriends’,
I've never had a best friend. Not like you at least. I don't want to trade that
label in for one that people throw around like it doesn't matter. It doesn't
change how we feel about each other."
Kurt didn't answer right away. He took the time to really understand where
Blaine was coming from. Neither of them had ever had somebody they could tell
every last secret to like they could with each other. They weren't just
friends, they completed each other. What they had as friends was far more
meaningful than the sex, even though the sex was great. So what if he couldn't
call Blaine his boyfriend? So he couldn't walk hand in hand with Blaine down
the hallway while their classmates took bets on when the break up would happen,
like they did with every other couple in high school. They were building
something special, something lasting, something so unbreakable that no trivial
term could really apply.
As much as Kurt wanted to be able to tell the world they were dating, he
understood where Blaine was coming from, respected it even. He liked that
Blaine cared enough about them to have thought about it that much. Even if they
weren't going to use the term boyfriends, Kurt knew that's what they were. Two
boys who were falling for each other hard. It made him smile.
"So we're special friends," Kurt teased, leaning further into Blaine's touch.
"God that makes it sound horrible," Blaine said with a laugh. "I hope you don't
think I'm some pretentious douchebag."
"Oh my little hipster Blaine, throwing off all of societies labels while
listening to unheard of bands... One of these days you're going to look in the
mirror and see the popular jock you are and realize you're one of them," Kurt
said, not meaning anything hurtful by it but Blaine's smile dropped anyways.
"Hopefully that moment won't come until college," he responded seriously.
He ran his fingernails over Kurt's thigh absentmindedly. Blaine didn't miss the
way he shivered at the contact, suddenly more awake than he'd been a few
minutes ago. Thank God for the gift of fast recovery time, it was about the
only good thing that came with being a teenager.
Blaine hummed happily and gave him a promising look that made Kurt's toes curl
with delicious thoughts of things to come.
"My sexy best friend and holiday roommate," Blaine muttered, nuzzling into his
neck and leaving lazy kisses against his skin.
"Holiday roommate?" Kurt pulled away to raise his eyebrow, judging him for the
strange term.
"It's cute that you still believe I'm going to let you leave," Blaine whispered
into his ear as he pressed his body into Kurt's. His half-hard erection was
digging into his hip. Kurt wasn't hard yet, he wasn't even sure when Blaine had
started getting hard, they'd barely done anything yet. As Kurt's gaze traveled
downward, he was reminded that Blaine hadn't bothered getting dressed again and
was still gloriously naked.
He was about to grab Blaine and pull him in for a rough, wanting kiss when he
was grabbed around the middle as Blaine started shouting, "I'm never letting
go!"
Kurt laughed loudly, not having played around like this since he was a small
boy. He'd never expected that being with somebody like this could be so much
fun. He squirmed around, playfully trying to break free from Blaine's tight
grasp around his stomach. They both twisted and pulled and rolled around like
little kids, yet neither of them could forget how temptingly unclothed they
both were with only Kurt's underwear between them.
Kurt felt himself growing hard as they continued to laugh and tackle each
other, comfortable he could handle the level of lust he was experiencing
without stopping their game. Then Blaine's erection pushed hard against his ass
and caused him to gasp, stopping their game in its tracks.
They were so close. He could tell Blaine was holding his breath behind him,
waiting to see what he would do. Kurt didn't know what he wanted to do. Well,
he knew what he wanted to do, but that was insane. They'd only just started
this little thing of theirs last week. Sure, he'd been lusting after Blaine for
two months and knew him well enough to call it love, but he'd only had his
first real kiss last week.
Oh god, that made him sound so slutty. So corrupted. Why didn't he feel worse
about it? Why did it feel alright?
"Kurt?" Blaine's voice was quiet but it was questioning.
"Okay," he agreed quickly before he could think too much about what he was
agreeing to and talk himself out of it.
"Okay what?" Blaine asked, louder this time as he realized he would have to
take charge of this conversation as Kurt was currently incompetent at basic
English.
"I don't know? Just, okay? Let's do it," Kurt said in one breath.
"It? Sex?" Blaine sounded horrified. "Really?"
"I don't know; I just know I don't want to think about it anymore. I just want
to get lost in the moment with you," he explained, reaching up to rub gently at
the arms that were still wrapped around him from behind. Kurt felt like he was
on fire, he certainly couldn't think straight. He hoped he was making sense.
His nerves felt like they were going haywire with Blaine's dick still pressing
so close to his-thankfully covered hole, his hot breath tickling he ear, his
fingers brushing at the waistband of his briefs. He just wanted to feel more.
Was that normal? He felt like he might go psychotic and start killing people if
he didn't get more soon. Is that what desire was supposed to feel like or was
this special?
"Okay," Blaine said in a soothing voice. "Then let's get lost together. But
your first time should really be something you're sure about and we talk
over... So for now let's just keep doing what we've been doing."
"Okay, sure, whatever just please move or something," Kurt begged.
Later he would think about how happy he was Blaine hadn't agreed. Later he
would realize there was still so much behind Blaine's actions than Kurt could
understand. Later he would question what had him moving so fast and holding on
so tight, always afraid of losing Blaine, but that was still to come.
For now, he had thirty minutes before he had to leave for family dinner and he
wanted to make sure they took full advantage of every second.
Blaine slid down the bed until he was settled in between his legs. Kurt's
breathing sped up at the sight of Blaine watching him through the tops of those
dangerously long, dark lashes. He bit the inside of his thigh where Kurt
already had a mark from earlier today. Kurt felt his brain short circuit as any
remaining blood flowed straight to his cock.
He watched as Blaine took the elastic of his underwear by the teeth and began
to slide them off, reaching up to stroke him a few times once his hard cock
sprung free. It was the single sexiest thing Kurt had ever witnessed. It took
everything in him not to arch up into Blaine's featherlight touches along the
throbbing vein in his cock.
As Blaine started to work him over, getting him to the point where he was ready
to come before they started anything, Kurt sat up to take off Blaine's old T-
shirt. He had the hem in his hands and was just about to pull it over his head
when Blaine pushed him back down on his back.
"Leave it on," Blaine commanded. "You have no idea how hot you look wearing my
shirt."
Kurt felt his breath catch as his swollen cock lay against his stomach, begging
to be touched. He would never grow used to Blaine's compliments. Blaine leaned
on one elbow, casually tracing patterns into Kurt's hip, making him wonder how
Blaine could be so relaxed at a time like this. Kurt's body was at war,
overheated yet still shivering. His heels dug into the mattress and his hands
fisted into the pillows from the painful waiting. He forced himself to breathe
in through his nose and out through his mouth to try and calm down.
"What are you doing?" Kurt asked through gritted teeth, just barely holding
himself back from thrusting up into Blaine's face that was so conveniently
close to his dick.
"Seeing how far I can push you before you start touching yourself," Blaine
answered with a cheeky smirk.
"Why. Didn't. You. Just. Ask?" he panted out as the twisting feeling in his
stomach grew. He wanted to flip them over and tie Blaine up. Lick at him and
pump his dick until he was crying with want and then he'd just stop. Then maybe
Blaine would understand his pain was no laughing matter.
"If I asked you to jerk off in front of me you'd get embarrassed and claim you
had to leave," Blaine explained, circling his middle finger over Kurt's hole
and making him arch off the bed with a loud moan that the neighbors could
probably hear.
"Would not," Kurt defended, though he didn't sound convincing when he could
barely catch his breath.
"Do you ever do it?" Blaine asked as he blew on his neglected cock. The hairs
on Kurt's arms stood up and he let out a painful whine, unable to answer the
question.
"Do you ever picture us together and jerk off?" he asked, licking at his hip
now, mouth so close to where Kurt really needed it. "Do you picture the two of
us naked, me bent over your desk while you fucked me hard? Do you picture me
pounding into you in the back seat of my car during some stolen moment?"
Kurt bit his lip hard and nodded, not trusting his voice to make remotely human
sounds. It all sounded so scandalous and forbidden, so adult. God, when he
heard Blaine talk about fucking each other rough and hard, he couldn't help but
picture it. He could make anything sound enticing.
"Show me," Blaine commanded, his own voice sounding at least an octave higher.
He picked up Kurt's knees until his feet were grounded to the mattress and
framing Blaine in between his thighs.
"You want me to..." Kurt could barely finish that sentence, feeling his face
heat up from the thought alone. He was mortified, why would Blaine want to see
that? Couldn't he just touch him already before he burst into flames like some
vampire in the sun?
"I want to watch," Blaine explained, leaving an opened-mouth kiss over his ass,
right where it met with his thigh. "You have no idea how beautiful you are, but
I do. And I want to watch you worship yourself because nobody else is ever
gonna be good enough to touch you."
"You are," Kurt said, quickly, his hands already rubbing at his stomach. When
had he agreed to this ridiculous plan? He couldn't remember moving.
"So long as you agree with that, that's all that matt-" Blaine went silent, not
bothering to finish his thought as Kurt's hand fisted around himself.
"Oh God," Blaine said breathily as Kurt started slowly pumping himself.
He needed something quick; he was too hard to go slow. However, he was a
natural performer and if he was going to do this for Blaine, he was going to do
this right. He shifted around so that his legs fell open wider and he was more
comfortable. He reached down with his other hand to roll his balls between his
fingers, not bothering to quiet his loud groans of pleasure. Blaine had said he
liked it when Kurt was loud.
"You're perfect," Blaine said, sounding like a whimper. Kurt looked down,
nervous to see what Blaine's reaction was, only to find him pumping his own
cock, gaze zeroed in on Kurt's hands, trying to sync their movements to match.
Kurt continued to pump and twist his wrist just at the top like he liked,
watching Blaine closely for every catch of breath, every lick of his lips. He
felt empowered, knowing he could have so much power over him by doing something
he'd never considered that sexy before.
Masturbation was a necessity. Something he'd had to do because he was a social
leper and nobody else would do it for him. But now it didn't seem like a taboo
thing. It felt natural and right. It made him confident.
He watched as Blaine reached around them to dig blindly into his nightstand. It
took a few moments and several frustrated curses, but Blaine finally produced a
bottle of lube for them to use so they wouldn't have to do this dry. Sure, Kurt
had enough pre-come to manage, but it would be so much more enjoyable with some
lubrication.
Soon there was the sound of a bottle cap being opened and Blaine poured the
berry flavored lube into both of their hands and rubbed his hand against Kurt's
to heat it up.
"You have flavored lube?" Kurt asked curiously as the both settled back into
their positions.
"I bought it a few days ago, figured if this was going to become a thing you
might appreciate it more if your first real blow job was softened by the smell
and taste of something fruity."
"I didn't mind the taste before," Kurt stammers out, blushing furiously as he
thought of yesterday in the backseat of his car.
"Good," Blaine said wearing a goofy smile. "But there's other uses for flavored
lube," he added suspiciously.
Kurt yelped as he felt something warm and wet against his hole that definitely
wasn't a finger.
"What are you doing?" he asked, scandalized. Part of him wanted to pull Blaine
up by the hair and lecture him on sanitation and propriety but he noted he
wasn't as upset as he thought he'd be. Blaine's tongue against him just felt so
fucking good.
"Finger yourself," Blaine said. It sounded like a request this time when the
other times had been so demanding. It was like he wasn't sure where Kurt's
limit was but was nervous he'd found it. His voice was cracking and he was
practically salivating at the mouth. His eyes were almost black with lust. Kurt
wondered if he looked just as sexed out.
Kurt shook his head, both hands around his dick now, twisting and pulling to
try and silence the ache so he could think straight. Not his brightest move,
because touching himself only blurred the lines more.
"You," Kurt panted, hips off the mattress at the sheer thought of Blaine's
fingers inside of him.
Kurt hadn't ever fingered himself, though he didn't want to mention that to
Blaine. He wasn't even sure he'd know how. There had to be a technique to doing
it so that the stretch wouldn't hurt so much. There had to be a trick to
finding the prostate, and what if he couldn't? That would be humiliating. No,
he'd much rather have Blaine's fingers inside him, opening him up for the first
time.
"I want you..." he said, more sure of himself this time.
Blaine nodded and poured more lube over his fingers.
Kurt held his breath as he felt Blaine spread his legs more and began tracing
circles around his hole. As Blaine pressed the tip of his finger inside, Kurt
could feel the muscles contracting against it, trying to force Blaine back out
but he just kept pushing in slowly, letting Kurt get used to the feeling.
Once Kurt felt more comfortable, he nodded and Blaine began pumping in and out
repeatedly until it started feeling more and more comfortable. Then Blaine
added a second finger. It burned for a minute but like the first finger it
became comfortable fast. It wasn't until Blaine added the third finger that
Kurt realized what all the fuss was about. The ache, the burn that came with
the too full feeling was intoxicating.
"Blaine," Kurt groaned out loudly, throwing his head back into the pillows.
Blaine sent him a devilish grin as he crooked his fingers inside of him,
sending a strong spark right through him that caused him to cry out and almost
fall off the bed. Blaine giggled and righted Kurt back into position. Kurt felt
stretched to the brim, he couldn't imagine being any more full but he knew that
Blaine would be bigger than that once they stated having real sex. God, if this
felt unbearable in all the right ways how was Kurt supposed to survive doing
more?
"More, fuck, yes!" he screamed out, fucking himself down onto Blaine's fingers.
"Fuck, you have no idea how hot you are," Blaine panted as his other hand
reached down to start stroking himself. Kurt tried to reach out to help,
wanting to get Blaine off too, but he was too far away.
"Closer," Kurt complained, making grabby hands at him.
Blaine maneuvered them around so that Blaine's feet were at the headboard and
he was in perfect distance for Kurt to reach. He practically came right there
as Blaine's fingers pushed into him and his tongue darted out to start licking
at his penis. He reached out to fist Blaine's cock, so close to his face and
started pumping furiously, desperate to get Blaine as close as he was so they
could come together.
"Fuck!" Blaine cried out as soon as Kurt's fist closed around him.
"So good," Kurt moaned loudly.
Blaine tugged the t-shirt up Kurt's stomach until he reached his chest,
twisting a nipple between his fingers and laughed when Kurt's hips slammed
violently down. He finally reached up and yanked the shirt over his head.
"More," Kurt begged, seeing stars and knowing that he was dangerously close
now.
It wouldn't be much longer. That's when Blaine decided to remove his fingers
and replace them with his tongue instead. Kurt's eyes watered from the pleasure
and torture of holding back. His lip was already chewed to pieces and bleeding
from the force of holding back. As Blaine's tongue pushed into the tight
muscles and began licking inside of him like he was about to win a prize, Kurt
arched off the bed and his orgasm hit him.
He yelled out loudly as white, hot come flowed out of him, hitting his stomach,
chest, and even Blaine. He couldn't care less about the mess as he continued to
press back against Blaine's tongue in sporadic thrusts of his hips, reveling in
the feeling of Blaine rimming him as he pumped Kurt through his orgasm.
"So sexy," Blaine breathed out, dragging a lazy finger through the come Kurt
got on Blaine's neck. Kurt whimpered when Blaine sucked his finger into his
mouth, watching as his cheeks hallowed and Blaine sucked the taste of Kurt off.
Blaine growled like some caged animal and before Kurt could even calm down from
his orgasm and start to feel over sensitive, Blaine rolled them over so that
Kurt was on top of him, his ass right over his mouth still, leaking come and
lube onto his previously flawless face.
Before Kurt could ask him what he was doing, he was pulling his hips down to
mouth at the come on Kurt's stomach. Kurt moaned and bent in half to support
himself on his hands so he won't fall over. He noticed Blaine's rock hard cock
hitting his face as Blaine thrust against nothing trying to find friction to
ease the ache. He realized now what Blaine was asking for, what he wanted.
Away other time, he would have been nervous, but he wasn't. Still riding the
high of his own orgasm, he felt empowered. He didn't feel unsure anymore, he
knew what he was doing. He grabbed hold of Blaine around the base of his cock
and sank his mouth down over him. Blaine groaned and bit into Kurt's stomach
hard. Kurt couldn’t help but smirk, knowing he was managing to do the right
thing, finally. After several times together and feeling inexperienced, he
finally felt like he could keep up.
There was an odd mix of the fruity lube mixed with his pre come and it was like
sex and innocence combined into some penis flavored ice cream cone and he
almost burst into hysterical laughter. The only thing holding him back was
Blaine's pathetic whimpering and tiny thrusts of his hips, so desperate to get
off that he wouldn't appreciate the joke. Kurt would have to tell him later.
He set to work, licking and sucking, bobbing down as far as he dared, careful
not to choke. The last thing he needed was to have to pull off sputtering
because he'd been inexperienced enough to gag on a cock. Blaine's hands
eventually fell away from Kurt and his mouth started mumbling half words that
Kurt could only vaguely catch but they sounded filthy.
Kurt would have to convince Blaine to talk dirty for real next time. The
thought of Blaine praising his tongue and yelling out about his fuckable, pert
ass was exciting when he knew Blaine was usually the dapper gentleman. It had
to take some serious debauchery to get him to this vulgar point. The thought
made his stomach tingle with satisfaction. Looks like he wasn't the sexless
baby penguin he'd always considered himself to be.
He felt Blaine give his cock tiny, half-assed licks, like he wanted Kurt to
join in, yet couldn't quite get his act together enough to suck him for real.
Kurt didn't think it was possible to go again, but his body knew better and his
hips started rocking towards Blaine's mouth. Was he really just going to fuck
Blaine's face like this? Was it even safe? Would Blaine let him? If the way
Blaine hummed happily as the head of his cock pushed into his mouth, the answer
to all of his questions quickly became a very enthusiastic yes.
As his hips began rocking into Blaine's face and hands grabbed his ass to pull
him in closer, he started getting hard again. He focused his attention back to
Blaine's cock. They both groaned around each other, sending strong vibrations
through their bodies. Kurt balanced on his elbows and used his other free hand
to reach down and press his middle finger into Blaine. Blaine's hips jerked up
suddenly and without warning he had Blaine coming down his throat. He tried to
swallow him like Blaine had done earlier but he couldn't take it all. Pretty
quickly he found himself choking and had to pull off, not even caring that
Blaine's come was hitting him in the face now and getting in his hair. No, the
feeling of thrusting down into Blaine's warm mouth was too distracting to
notice anything else.
He pumped Blaine through the final tremors of orgasm and didn't stop until
Blaine started flailing his legs around trying to push him away from his over
stimulated cock. Lacking the energy to hold himself up any longer he rested his
head against Blaine's thighs and continued to move his hips until he too was
coming down Blaine's throat.
As soon as his mind was functioning again, he rolled off Blaine. They both laid
there haphazardly trying to catch their breath. Neither of them had enough
energy to flip around so they could lie face to face, so they settled for
staring dreamily at one another from afar. Blaine reached his arm out so they
could entangle hands.
"That was kinkier than I imagined," Kurt admitted, three orgasms in one day had
managed to strip his filter and much of his shame.
"Certainly never thought I'd do that and enjoy it," he confessed, running his
thumb over the back of Kurt's hand. It made him wonder how many times Blaine
had done that and not enjoyed it, but he didn't ask. It didn't sound like the
happiest topic to bring up and he certainly didn't want to ruin the perfect
moment they were having.
"Certainly never thought I'd do that at all," he said instead.
"You're full of surprises," Blaine hummed fondly.
Before Kurt could respond, Blaine's phone started going off, loudly
interrupting them.
"Ignore it," Blaine said, not even lifting his head up. Kurt glanced over at
the nightstand to look at the screen.
"It's your brother," he informed him, noticing that he needed to be leaving if
he wanted to get home in time for dinner and ever be allowed to leave the house
again.
Blaine just groaned but didn't move to answer the call as Kurt crawled out of
bed and began gathering up his clothes. He would need a quick shower before
going to wash the dried come and lube off of his body that seemed to be
everywhere.
"Mind if I use your shower?" Kurt asked and Blaine just gestured vaguely in
that direction, eyes already drifting closed.
Kurt smiled at the adorable sight he made and pulled the comforter and sheet
that had fallen to the ground back over him so he wouldn't get cold. Blaine
mumbled a happy thanks and snuggled deeper into the covers. Kurt left a sweet
kiss to the top of his head and got a warm, loved feeling when Blaine reached
out to grab his hand so he could leave a lazy kiss to the inside of his wrist.
He gathered up his clothes and made his way to the bathroom. Showering quickly,
he triple checked to make sure he got all the come off himself. He hissed
slightly as his hands brushed over fresh bruises left to the inside of his
thighs, hips, and stomach. These were welcome reminders that he had somebody
who cared about him. They helped counteract the bruises on his back reminding
him that apart from Blaine, Lauren and a few New Directions kids, very few
people at school could actually stand him.
He was just grateful Blaine had been too distracted to notice the black and
blue marks across his back.
Once he finished cleaning, he used Blaine's towel to dry off and get dressed.
By the time Kurt came back into the room, Blaine was more coherent, though
still hadn't left the bed to get dressed.
"Blainers!" they heard somebody yell loudly as the front door slammed shut.
"Shit, my brother," Blaine said, standing up to frantically search for his
clothes and tripping over their scattered shoes and book bags. Kurt opened up a
few dresser drawers until he located some clean underwear and a warm pair of
sweatpants. He tossed them at Blaine while he began searching for a t-shirt to
match.
"Lock the door, he'll go away," Blaine said, quickly throwing his clothes on
and pushing Kurt aside to pull out a shirt for himself. Kurt crossed the room
and locked the door just as Cooper started to knock.
"I know you're in there, Squirt!" Cooper called to them. "You don't need to
hide your new sex friend."
Kurt blushed furiously and looked to Blaine for instructions on how he wanted
to handle this. Blaine just put a finger to his mouth and shook his head. Kurt
wondered if he thought they could really get away with it. Cooper had to know
they were inside. They couldn't stay in here forever, Kurt had to go home.
"Fine, ignore your poor dear brother because you're too busy loving cock, but
Dad is on his way home and you know he'll murder you for having a boy over and
ignoring his text about swim practice."
Blaine's eyes bugged out of his head as he lunged for his phone. Kurt peaked
over his shoulder and sure enough there was a text from his father claiming
he'd scheduled a private coach for Blaine at 7 o'clock. Blaine opened the door
and glared at his brother.
"I hate you," Blaine said, moving back into his room to start packing his
practice bag, digging in his drawer for a spare suit since his usual one was
still in the bathroom drying off from practice that afternoon.
"Oh cute, much younger than you usually have over," Cooper said walking into
the room and wrinkling his nose at the smell of sex and sweat in the room.
"Just don't," Blaine hissed.
Kurt was too stunned to say much of anything. Blaine's brother was the guy from
the Free Credit commercials. He was the man Kurt watched repeatedly on YouTube
because he was just too handsome and had made to jingle his ringtone for four
months last year before his dad teased him enough that he'd changed it.
Cooper left the room for a second as Kurt turned to stare dreamily at Blaine.
"Blaine, your brother's the best looking man in North America," he whispered
quietly so he wouldn't be heard.
Blaine just glared at him as Cooper came back into the room with a bottle of
Febreze and began spraying the room down with the scent of meadows and rain.
"Relax, little B," Cooper said like this was a usual occurrence for them Kurt
prayed that wasn't so. He didn't want Cooper to think of him as just some after
school booty call.
"He's gonna kill me," Blaine said, zipping his bag closed frantically. Cooper
walked over to unzip it again and add his goggles in with his towel.
"As much as I'm enjoying watching you squirm, you need to chill. You have
plenty of time to get to the pool and Dad won't be home for at least another 15
minutes. Let's show your little underaged Siren out and get you on your way."
Kurt blushed furiously as the implication that he had somehow seduced and lured
Blaine back home and corrupted him. Luckily Blaine stood up for him.
"Cooper! His name is Kurt and it’s not like that, now can you go?" Blaine
asked.
"Such little appreciation for the brother you only see every other holiday,"
Cooper said, pointing his finger strongly at Blaine. He gave an overly-dramatic
sigh and left the room, his visit quick and forceful like a tornado just
passing though, leaving destruction in its wake.
"Guess I should get going before I manage to tarnish your spotless reputation
more," Kurt said with a roll of his eyes. He sat down on the bed and began to
lace up his boots.
"Hey, my family is a bunch of idiots," Blaine said moving to sit next to Kurt
and tie his own sneakers. "Don't listen to a word they say, you know how I feel
about you."
"Yeah," Kurt said dreamily, Cooper's words already forgotten.
"Let's head out together, I've gotta get to the pool," Blaine said, standing up
to help Kurt into his jacket. Kurt felt a bit silly as Blaine zipped him up and
tied his scarf around his neck for him, but he found he quite liked being cared
for.
"Swim practice? Didn't you just come from the pool?" Kurt asked with an arched
eyebrow worried that his dad was overworking him.
"Well the Olympics are only two years away, if I want to go I have to be
ready," he explained.
"Do you though?" Kurt asked.
"London would be cool to see. It'd be amazing to put on a college application.
Anything to get me out of here," he explained. He didn't seem too upset about
it so Kurt figured he should stop pestering him about it.
"I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow, want to come?" Kurt asked as they
started walking out of the room and down the stairs.
"You're only inviting me so I can hold your bags," Blaine teased.
"And possibly convince you to buy more of those jeans you look so good in,"
Kurt said, trying to ignore the way Cooper was watching them curiously from the
kitchen. If Cooper wanted to spy on them, fine. Maybe he would see this wasn't
just about sex between them. No matter what Blaine might say, what the other
Andersons thought of him mattered. Knowing they didn't like him was upsetting.
"Well, I've been wanting to go into Cincinnati and look at the lights. There's
a high end outlet mall on the way if your dad will let me steal you for the
day," Blaine explained.
Kurt grew excited at the thought of being able to shop at real stores, not
shuffle though the shitty collections at JC Penny. Spending the day trying on
designer clothes and the night strolling hand in hand through the city all
decorated for the holidays? It sounded like a dream.
"I'll talk to him tonight," Kurt said with a happy smile. They kissed briefly,
Blaine pulling away with a goofy smile.
"You smell like me," he said, walking him out to his car and giving him one
final kiss before opening the door for Kurt like the perfect gentleman he was.
They said goodbye with promises to text each other later.
When Kurt got home that night, he was only five minutes late and his father
wasn't waiting by the door which meant he couldn't be in too much trouble.
"That you, Kurt?" his dad called out from the kitchen. "I think I overcooked
the noodles. They aren't soft like you make them."
Kurt entered the kitchen, setting his book bag down on the bar stool and went
to peak over his dad's shoulder.
"Did you stir them at all?" Kurt asked, trying not to sound too condescending,
he knew how sensitive his dad was about his cooking ever since they'd decided
to start cooking together as a way to bond.
"You have to stir them? It just says boil," his dad exclaimed frustrated. He
pointed at the cookbook like it was all the recipe’s fault.
"Well, just trash those and we'll start over. Those aren't enough noodles for
four people anyway. Have you seen the way Finn eats everything in sight?" Kurt
asked as he began peeling his winter coat, scarf, and hat off.
"Carole called, she got asked to stay for another shift and Finn is having
dinner with Rachel's dads. Just you and me tonight, Bud," he smiled happily.
It was rare the two of them were alone for meals, but Kurt found he treasured
those times most. As much as he loved Carole and even Finn, he sometimes longed
for the days where it was just them leaning on each other to survive.
"Why's your hair wet?" he asked, suspiciously. "I thought you were going over
to Blaine's to watch the episode of Grey's Anatomy that Finn deleted."
Kurt froze for a second, wondering if he knew. Could he sense the fact that his
relationship with Blaine was no longer innocent? Oh God, he didn't think he
could endure the lecture he'd get if that was true. They hadn't even had the
safe sex talk Kurt knew he was going to get sooner or later.
He needed to come up with a believable story and fast.
"I got slushied after we went caroling," Kurt explained quickly, keeping his
head down so his dad wouldn't see that he was lying. It worked in his favor
because it made him appear upset and embarrassed.
"What does that mean you got slushied?" he asked a dangerous edge to his voice.
Kurt knew he should feel guilty about this lie. He knew that his dad would
throw a fit when Kurt told him some kids threw a slushie at him. He didn't care
though. Even if it was a lie, those kids weren't innocent. They'd thrown
slushies before, called him names, tripped him in the hall and pushed him into
lockers.
"Kurt," his dad said, warning him that he best answer the question. He felt his
eyes begin to water.
"Some kids at school threw a slushie at me," he whispered, wrapping his arms
around his stomach.
It hadn't taken much to reduce him back to the scared kid he'd been just a few
months ago at his old school. He almost wished he hadn't lied about why his
hair was wet. Then they could continue on pretending that Kurt wasn't
struggling through school.
"Is this why you were throwing away that sweater you always wear the other
day?" he asked with an eerie calm.
Kurt just nodded, not trusting his voice.
"Okay, okay," Burt repeated over and over as he hugged Kurt tightly.
He hadn't meant to, but he'd found himself crying into his dad's shoulder. He'd
been hiding the bullying from him for years. Sure, his dad knew about some of
it. He couldn't hide the late night phone calls claiming he would burn in hell.
He certainly hadn't been able to unnail his patio furniture from the roof
without his dad's help. He didn't know about the bruises though. He had no idea
about Karofsky and the kiss. Kurt had never mentioned the death threats.
Now it all just came tumbling out of his mouth in barely distinguishable words
as he continued to sob. Burt held him closely and whispered encouraging,
soothing words into his ear. When that didn't work, he started singing. It was
horribly off-key and he knew his dad hated singing, but it was the song his
mother used to sing to him as a kid and it finally helped calm him down enough
to stop sobbing.
He pulled away and wiped at his eyes, knowing his face had to be stained red.
When they looked at each other again, they both started laughing, embarrassed
over the whole thing. Kurt for crying and Burt for singing.
"I'm going to trash the noodles and order pasta and cheesecake from that
restaurant you like and you and I are going to talk," Burt said, pulling a
chair out for Kurt so he would know this wasn't a suggestion.
He sat down and watched as his dad pulled a delivery menu off the fridge and
called in an order for the two of them. Once he was done he pulled two mugs
down from the cabinet and poured milk into them, heating them in the microwave.
It wasn't cooked on the stove-top like his mother used to do, but it was nice
all the same. Soon the two of them were sitting at the table sipping at their
mugs.
After that the story just tumbled out of him. He told his dad all about the
jokes he'd gotten on the playground during elementary school. He talked about
how nobody would ever pick him for their team during recess because Dave and
his friends convinced the whole school that the mosquito bite he'd gotten on
his face was West Nile and if he touched them, they would die.
He told his dad the real reason Sarah Jane stopped coming over during sixth
grade was because they'd started writing mean things on her books and locker
for hanging out with him. He explained that he'd been too scared to go to any
of the school dances because the kids at school had started purposefully
tripping him in the halls and pushing him down the bleachers. He'd lied when he
said he didn't like dancing, he just didn't like being at school.
He went on to explain every horrible thing, every bruise he'd been scared would
never heal until he finally got to Dave Karofsky and the kiss that lead to
Kurt's death threat. By the end of it all, they were both in tears and had
finished up their pasta. Burt was cutting them both generous slices of
cheesecake. Finn had come in at some point but had been smart enough to make
himself scarce.
"So they are giving you a hard time at McKinley now?" his dad asked, his voice
scratchy from the tears.
Kurt nodded, eating another big bite of cheesecake.
"It's better now though, it's not as bad," he explained. "It won't get that bad
again."
"This is how it starts, throwing slushies around, a few words here and there...
What makes you so sure it won't happen again?"
"I have friends now," he explained. "I have Blaine."
His dad was silent for awhile, nodding his head like he was trying to figure
something out.
"Let's talk about you and Blaine," he said.
Kurt looked up at him, his eyes too wide to hide the truth.
"There's nothing going on between Blaine and me," he explained far too quickly,
seeing where this was going right about the same time Burt did.
"Really?" he asked with a knowing tone. He got up from his chair and moved over
to the drawer where they kept all the important papers, digging around until he
found what he was looking for. Before Kurt could even finish his last bite of
cheesecake, pamphlets were being thrown down next to his plate.
Kurt looked down to read the titles: Boys Will Be Boys-Safer Sex Tips For Young
Gay Men, Ten Good Reasons To Use A Condom, and one he couldn't read but had a
cartoon penis giving a thumbs up.
"What are those?" Kurt asked, knowing and dreading the answer.
"Those are some pamphlets I picked up at the clinic because it is time you and
I had the talk," his dad said, looking just as displeased about this turn of
events as Kurt was.
"No, it's not," Kurt said, shaking his head frantically.
"Yes, it is," he said but Kurt couldn't hear what followed because he abruptly
put his fingers in his ears and started singing.
"Hey," Burt pulled his fingers out of his ears and gave him a warning look.
"This is gonna suck for both of us. If I have to do this, you have to do this."
"Why?" Kurt whined, praying he could somehow talk himself out of this.
"Because you have a new best friend that you look at like some sort of Disney
prince and from what I've seen, he seems to look at you the same way," he
explained, sitting down in the chair and spreading the pamphlets out so Kurt
could see them in all their embarrassing glory.
"Now, most of the mechanics of what you will be doing are going to be doing is
covered in these, so I want you to read them and come to me if you have any
questions."
Kurt turned his head away as he blushed, trying not to think of the fact that
he'd already experienced much of the mechanics first hand for fear that his dad
could somehow read his mind.
"Okay," Kurt said over-enthusiastically, eager to end the conversation. He
grabbed the pamphlets and started to stand up when his dad yelled at him to sit
down.
"We're just getting started."
***** Chapter 11 *****
Kurt reluctantly settled back into his seat to listen to his dad. The thought
of having to sit there and listen to his dad talk about his sex life was
possibly the single most embarrassing moment of his life—and he’d had several
embarrassing moments so that was saying something. It was painfully obvious
that he wasn't going to be let out of this discussion, no matter how
humiliating it was for both of them.
"Now listen, you and Blaine are teenage boys. For most teenage guys, sex is
just this thing we always want to do. Nobody is really thinking about the
feelings behind it... I get it. But you need to realize that when you're
sleeping with somebody, you're never going to be more vulnerable," he
explained, causing Kurt to blush at the implication that he was currently
sexually active.
Kurt held up his hand to stop him. "Dad, Blaine and I aren't..."
He paused. What could he say? He was having sex. They hadn't had anal sex,
sure, but they'd had sex. He'd just come home from spending two sex fueled
hours at Blaine's. The things they had shared were all forms of sex, and his
dad was right. It was incredibly intimate and revealing no matter how good it
felt. It was easy to get lost in the physical feelings of pleasure and need and
forget about the emotional feelings that went with it.
"Blaine and you aren't what?" he dared him to finish. "You've got a hickey the
size of Texas on your neck."
Kurt's hands flew up to cover his neck as his entire face heated up.
"It's not... I don't... It's a burn," he sputtered, wondering if his dad would
believe he'd used a hair straightener.
"Don't be embarrassed, like I said, I get it," he explained. "I don't like it.
I think I'd be better if you waited until you were thirty, but I get it. I like
Blaine. He seems like a good kid. He's certainly been good for you. Just..."
He paused to look at him with pleading eyes, begging Kurt to hear him out. Kurt
met his eyes and nodded, letting him know that he was listening. That he was
taking his words to heart.
"I need you to know that it means something," he continued. "It's doing
something to you. To your heart. To your self-esteem, even though it feels like
you're just having fun."
Kurt thought back to Blaine and how much he cared about him. He thought about
how intense their feelings had gotten ever since they'd started fooling around.
They cared for one another. This wasn't about having fun, it was about
connecting and sharing themselves with each other.
"So I shouldn't have sex," Kurt nodded his head at the standard line they'd all
heard every adult say for the past few years. Maybe his dad just didn't
understand the relationship he had with Blaine.
"Kurt, when you're ready, I want you to be able to do everything," he
explained, sincerely. "If that's with Blaine or if you decide you want to wait
until you're older, I trust you. However, this shouldn't be something you do
just to feel good. Use it as a way to connect with somebody you love. Somebody
who loves you. Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter. Because I
don't care what those ignorant assholes at your school say, you matter, Kurt.
You matter so damn much and I want to you make sure whoever you're with knows
that. That they will respect that."
Okay, so maybe his dad understood more than he'd given him credit for. As much
as he loved Blaine, they hadn't said those words to each other. He assumed
Blaine felt the same way; he spoke like he did at least. Still, why was their
relationship such a secret? Was Kurt misunderstanding their whole relationship
and just throwing himself at Blaine because he was desperate for love?
He couldn't deny that he'd been hurt when Blaine said he didn't want to be his
boyfriend. Even if his explanation made perfect sense and didn't necessarily
mean that he didn't love him, it still hurt. Kurt wasn't saying that Blaine's
intentions weren't honorable, but they certainly weren't clear. Maybe Kurt
should have waited to have sex until he was more sure about their relationship.
"Thank you dad," Kurt said, finding he really meant it.
"You're welcome," his dad said, pulling him up to his feet so he could hug him
tightly. "Now, I've got to go have a talk with your brother about this bullying
stuff. He's supposed to be looking out for you."
"About that," he said, thinking back to what Blaine had told him about Finn
outing him to the whole school. He should really tell his dad. He'd be able to
explain to Finn why it had been unacceptable, no matter how wronged he'd felt
by Blaine's actions or perceived actions or whatever. Outting somebody else
when it wasn’t their time wasn’t just mean, it was dangerous.
"What?" Burt asked, his hands on his hips like he was bracing himself for the
worst and trying to appear strong.
Finn outed Blaine to the whole school. The words were simple; all he had to do
was say them. He'd confessed to far more tonight than that. However, the more
he thought about it the more he remembered his pledge to stay out of it.
Telling his dad was sure to upset both Burt and Finn. Kurt figured it had the
potential to make things between Blaine and Finn worse, so he kept quiet.
"Nothing, Blaine and I want to go shopping in Cincinnati tomorrow, is it cool
if I go?" Kurt asked, quickly changing the subject.
"What's wrong with the mall in Lima?" he asked.
"I'm going to pretend you didn't just ask that," Kurt scoffed trying to picture
either of them shopping at Payless for shoes. It wasn't going to happen and his
dad knew better. Kurt had been sewing his own pieces and ordering online when
he could afford it since his eleventh birthday.
"Who's driving?" he asked, still skeptical of the whole thing.
"Blaine. It's not practical to drive the Navigator that far. He gets better
mileage," Kurt explained, trying to sound responsible.
"Fine," he agreed reluctantly. "But Blaine picks you up here. I want to talk to
both of you before you leave tomorrow. Going into the city by yourselves is a
big deal."
"Thank you!" Kurt squealed wrapping his arms around his neck. "I love you so
much!"
"Yeah, I bet you do," he scoffed shooing him away while he called out to Finn
to come downstairs.
****
The next day, just before seven and after a long day of shopping and walking
around the city, Blaine and Kurt got back into their car, but they didn’t get
on I-75N like Kurt expected. Instead they merged onto I-71N towards Columbus.
“Where are we going?” Kurt asked, thinking back to the lecture they’d both
received from his father to be home by midnight and drive carefully. They
couldn’t just up and go to Columbus tonight, Kurt had a curfew!
“I want to take you somewhere, it’s not that far, I promise,” Blaine said,
reaching over to fiddle with the radio until Christmas music was playing softly
through the speakers.
“Are you going to tell me where this mysterious place is?” he asked, his
curiosity piqued.
“You said that you really liked Christmas lights because they reminded you of
your mom, right?” Blaine responded with a shy smile. Kurt just nodded, waiting
for him to explain himself. “Well, I want to take you somewhere my mom used to
take me when I was younger. I think you’ll like it.”
“So long as we’re back before my curfew,” Kurt said, with a smile.
“I’m too terrified of your father shooting me with a shotgun to ever let you
break curfew,” Blaine responded with an easy laugh that warmed Kurt to the
core. He was in love with this enduring idiot. He hadn’t said it to him yet and
he didn’t know if he ever would, but it was true—even if his father’s words had
been in the back of his mind all day.
Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter.
No matter how many times Blaine had told him that he cared, there was still
that lingering doubt. Actions speak louder than words, and Blaine’s actions
sent mixed signals.
Kurt knew that he would have to talk to Blaine about it eventually. He’d have
to ask him about all the secrecy. He couldn’t believe Finn when he told him
Blaine was only looking for sex then he’d be onto his next boy, but that didn’t
stop the words from coming up every time Blaine so willingly took him out and
held his hand outside of Lima, yet made excuses to avoid doing anything where
their classmates might encounter them. He would need to talk to him and make
sure this was more than an elaborate game for him. Not today, though.
They’d only just had the “boyfriend” talk last night. Kurt didn’t want it to
seem like he was constantly putting demands on their relationship by asking so
many questions. He worried Blaine would see that as a lack of trust, which it
wasn’t.
If you trusted Blaine, you wouldn’t have to ask, the nasty voice in the back of
his mind whispered to him. He tried to silence it. It wasn’t about a lack of
trust. Kurt was just… confused. He was confused and insecure. Sometimes words
weren’t enough no matter how perfect the things Blaine would whisper to him
privately sounded. He was a teenager which meant he needed constant reassurance
and those reassurances would sometimes need to be actions.
Not tonight, he reminded himself. Tonight was perfect.
Kurt tried to silence his brain as Blaine drove. They stayed on the interstate
for about thirty minutes before Blaine pulled off and headed towards Lebanon/
Morrow. Kurt had no idea where they were going. The sun had set and the road
wasn’t as well lit as the interstate had been, but there were still plenty of
cars. In fact, after only a few minutes of driving they hit traffic. Several
cars seemed to be lined up to pull into the driveway of one of the bigger
estates. It wasn’t until they got closer that Kurt realized where they were—The
Christmas Ranch.
Kurt sent him an amused yet confused smile. The Christmas Ranch was a family
place, somewhere the parents took their kids during Christmas to look at lights
and run around for a bit. Kurt had only been once before, the year his mother
died. In fact, it had been one of the last things they had done together before
she passed. Blaine didn’t know that though, he only knew that Christmas lights
were something special to Kurt. Still, without even knowing it, Blaine had
brought him somewhere he’d always longed to go back to but never had.
Maybe Blaine made him confused. Perhaps his motives weren’t always clear, but
when he got it right—damn did he get it right.
“The Christmas Ranch,” Kurt whispered in a bit of shock and awe.
“My mom likes this place, says there’s something special about being out in the
snow with all the lights on Christmas. I’m pretty sure it’s because she grew up
in a place that never sees snow, but yeah… It’s cheesy but nice,” Blaine
explained as he paid the entrance fee for them and parked the car so they could
get out and walk around.
“It’s perfect,” Kurt said with a smile.
“Let’s get some hot chocolate and gingerbread cookies first, then we can look
around,” Blaine said, taking his hand and pulling him over to the small bakery
and shop.
They spent an hour out in the cold, hand in hand, giggling happily as they
looked at all the cool lights. Some of the displays were childish and cheesy,
but others were mesmerizing. Kurt recognized a lot of the displays as the same
ones that had been up when he’d come with his mother. He thought it would make
him sad. Christmas usually had a way of settling into his bones and making him
ache with longing for his mother. However, it was hard to do anything but smile
at the memories when he had Blaine beside him to hold his hand and make him
laugh.
It was the perfect end to a perfect day together and Kurt longed to be able to
call it a date and know that Blaine felt the same way. All hopes of that ever
happening flew out the window though as Kurt caught the bright red of a
McKinley letterman jacket out of the corner of his eye.
Blaine must have seen it to, because he dropped Kurt’s hand faster than Kurt
could even blink. Blaine had tensed up and had shoved his hands in his pocket,
keeping his head down like he didn’t want to be noticed.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked, tentatively, already knowing what was coming.
“We should get going,” Blaine said quietly and hurried off towards the car
without even looking back to make sure Kurt was following him.
At once, Kurt felt both dejected and enraged. All too soon that was followed by
the feeling of despair. Without Blaine holding his hand and making him smile,
the dread of Christmas caught onto him and cooled his heart. He should have
known, he’d said it every year. There was nothing good about Christmas. So what
if this was their first Christmas with Carole and Finn. So what if this was the
first year he had friends to celebrate with. His mother had died on Christmas
Eve and he hadn’t had a good Christmas since. Why should this year have been
any different?
Kurt watched Blaine make his way through the crowd in the direction of the car.
He didn’t understand any of it. How could this boy look at him like he had the
power to cure cancer with a single smile, yet be ashamed to be seen with him?
Was Kurt really so hideous that the golden child of McKinley, the one and only
Blaine Anderson, couldn’t let anybody know that they knew each other?
Well, Kurt had a thing or two to say about that. He wasn’t going to let Blaine
treat him like this. He didn’t get to treat Kurt like he didn’t matter. He
wasn’t some sex toy. He wouldn’t have even kissed Blaine if he didn’t think it
meant something. They were best friends, and that wasn’t something Blaine could
drop when it was inconvenient for him. Kurt might not have a lot of experience
with having friends, but he knew enough to know this wasn’t right.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and debated calling somebody to come and
pick him up. He couldn’t imagine letting Blaine drive him home after this.
However, the more he thought about it the more he realized how mortifying it
would be to have to explain why he’d been abandoned at the Christmas Ranch of
all places. He was so stupid. Why had he ever thought Blaine Anderson would
actually care about him?
He kicked at the snow angrily and trailed behind Blaine slowly, giving himself
enough time to prepare for the awkward car ride home. He was sure that Blaine
would pretend to be nice to him. He’d make up some lie to excuse his behavior
and they’d make small talk on the way home like nothing had happened.
Everything had happened. This was going to be the end of them. Kurt was going
to confront him and if he couldn’t be seen in public with Kurt then they
wouldn’t be friends anymore.
Kurt climbed into the car and slammed the door hard behind him, buckling his
seatbelt and starring out the window, determined not to look at Blaine.
“What’s wrong?” Blaine asked him.
Kurt snorted. Like he didn’t already know. Like Blaine hadn’t just run away
from him like he was infected with the plague.
“Just take me home,” he hissed, the sound of Blaine even talking to him was
like nails on a chalkboard. Everything about this was infuriating. Kurt didn’t
know who he was more upset with, Blaine for pretending to care or himself for
believing it?
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Blaine nod his head and he pulled out of
the parking lot. The cheerful snow men wishing them a safe trip home and a
merry Christmas were just mocking them at this point.
Once they were on the highway, Blaine shut off the radio and repeated his
question from earlier, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, obviously,” Kurt said with a roll of his eyes. “You’re the one that
can’t stand to be seen with me.”
There. He’d said it. He should have said it long ago, but he’d put it off under
the false hope that he was being paranoid. Now he had proof that it was true.
Blaine had no problem holding his hand, flirting and laughing like the two
lovesick teenagers they were when they were far away from the other kids at
school…
“That’s not it at all, okay?” Blaine said growing frustrated. It only angered
Kurt more. Blaine didn’t get to be upset; he was the one that started this.
“Really? So we had to go all the way to Cincinnati to go Christmas shopping
together?” Kurt demanded answers. “What’s wrong with the Lima Mall, Blaine?”
“Are you serious?” Blaine said like Kurt was the crazy one. “You hate the Lima
Mall. I thought you’d want to come out to Cincinnati to go to the outlet
stores. You want to go to the Lima Mall? We can go to the Lima Mall.”
“You don’t have to bitch at me,” Kurt said growing defensive and even more
annoyed by Blaine’s accusing tone. “You’re the one that’s trying to hide me
away.”
“I’m not,” he explained, shaking his head like he couldn’t understand where any
of this was coming from.
Kurt scoffed at that. Did Blaine think he was stupid?
“Look,” Blaine said, deflating. “It’s not you that I’m hiding from them. I’m
hiding them from you.”
“Why would you need to hide me from people who claim to be your friends,” Kurt
asked, not letting his anger die. He didn’t give up his heart, his first real
kiss, his first real—well almost everything—on a boy that was going to treat
him like this. “They sound like pretty shitty friends.”
“They aren’t… it’s just… with the football team… and the swimmers...” Blaine
was stammering over his words, unable to defend himself. Kurt could see the
guilt on his face.
“You care so much about your precious popularity and that’s just sick,” Kurt
said. “You pretend to like swimming so your dad will love you—”
“I do like swimming,” he interjected but Kurt wasn’t finished and didn’t really
care what he had to say.
“You parade around school like you own it when you’re lying to half the people
in it about who you are. You sleep with college boys because somehow being gay
is only okay to your friends if it’s done when drunk, with somebody too old to
be legal or too straight to have the gay stick.”
“You really don’t see it, do you?” Blaine said sounding hurt.
Kurt was confused, he expected him to be angry and fight back, not to sound
wounded.
“It’s not that I care about being popular,” he said. “I care about not getting
my face bashed in by guys like your brother.”
“So you treat me like I’m some sort of whore you can just call up whenever
you’re horny or want to play boyfriends and throw me out with the rest of the
trash when it’s too complicated for you?”
“Why are you yelling at me?” Blaine said, raising his voice. “I’m doing this
for you!”
“Because hiding me away is better for me?” He countered with biting sarcasm.
“Well thank you, it makes me feel absolutely fantastic about myself so well
done.”
“Those football players will make your life hell if they think it would get to
me,” Blaine said.
“Maybe the whole world doesn’t revolve around you,” Kurt said bitterly.
“I’m not saying it does,” Blaine said in a calm voice, barely controlling his
anger. “But I know for a fact the footballers have talked about harassing you
for coming to my swim meets. They think we’re dating all because you came to a
swim meet. You want to find out what they’d do if they knew we’re really
together? It’d be the best Christmas present ever for them to find out that I’m
head over heels for you. You think I want that?”
“You don’t act head over heels for me when you walk away from me in the middle
of a perfectly nice evening,” Kurt said. He understood where Blaine was coming
from, but that still didn’t make any of this okay.
“That’s what I want them to think, I figured you’d know me better than that,”
Blaine cried.
“I thought I knew you,” he said, a lone tear running down his face. “Now I
don’t really know what I believe.”
“You can’t honestly believe I would tell you half the secrets I’ve told you,
that I would drive you all the way out to Cincinnati to go shopping, that I
would let you meet my Aunt, if I didn’t care about you. If all I wanted was
sex, all I had to do was go to a party. Sex isn’t hard to find. Why would I
spend all the time with you if it was just about getting in your pants? You
know that I care about you. I’ve said that repeatedly.”
“I just can’t help feeling like a whore when you drop my hand like that and run
away from me,” Kurt explained, holding onto the last bit of anger he still had.
He wasn’t quite ready to forgive Blaine just yet.
“You’re not a whore, Kurt” he said, annunciating each word carefully so Kurt
would hear him clearly. “You’ll never be a whore. I would never treat you like
that. Please, try to understand where I’m coming from.”
“I’m trying,” he said, exhausted. “But you’re going to need to explain it
because it doesn’t make sense to me.”
“I don’t want to see you messed up in their bullshit,” Blaine whispered. Kurt
could see tears beginning to fall. He was really upset over this. “I can’t lose
you.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Kurt said firmly. “You know that I’m strong enough to
handle myself. So I can’t help but think you aren’t hiding for my sake, you’re
hiding for you own. You’re hiding because you’re too scared. That’s really
sad.”
“What would you know about it,” Blaine snapped suddenly.
It stung more than anything else had. Blaine knew better than anyone that Kurt
knew damn well what it was like to be bullied. For him to act like he didn’t
understand Blaine’s fear was insulting and hurtful. He did his best not to let
that show through.
“You’re Kurt Hummel,” Blaine said his name like he always had, like he was
something special. Only this time, special didn’t sound like such a good thing.
“You’re perfectly content with who you are and don’t give a damn about who
knows it. You’re brave. You don’t get to look down on me for not having that.”
“You think I have it easy?” Kurt said with a bitter laugh. “I get slushied at
least once a day. When they aren’t throwing slurpies in my face for being in
Glee Club, they are pushing me into lockers and calling me names. I get hate
mail in my locker and do you want to know who does most of that stuff? Your
friends that you care so much about. You want to tell me that I don’t know what
it’s like, well screw you.”
“You don’t let that stuff touch you, you’re brave,” Blaine said like being
brave was some sort of mystical power he’d never have.
“I’m brave because I have to be,” he explained sadly. “And if you stood up to
them, I think you’d find out you’d be brave enough to take it, too.”
Blaine shook his head like he didn’t believe him. They rode in silence for
awhile, each lose in their own thoughts until Kurt turned the radio up for them
to listen to. That’s when Blaine finally spoke up.
“So is this where you realize I’m not the guy you’re looking for?”
“No,” Kurt said, realizing that he couldn’t give Blaine up. Not now, not ever.
Sure, it was frustrating to know that Blaine was too scared to be with him
completely, but being with him some of the time was better than nothing.
“This is where I stick around and keep waiting for you to realize that you
are.”
****
“You didn’t tell me your brother was going to be here,” Kurt said as he walked
into Blaine’s room and found him spread out on his bed watching TV.
“That’s because I’m pretending he doesn’t exist,” he responded, pulling himself
away from watching Daniel Craig in one of the Bond movies long enough to smile
at him in greeting.
It was the day after Christmas and had been four days since they had seen each
other due to their families keeping them on lockdown for the obligatory family
holiday traditions. It also had been four days since their fight. They’d
managed to sort it all out in the end, but there was still the lingering
tension between them. It had made their text messages and phone calls to each
other in the last few days stilted and awkward in a way they’d never been
before.
“Want to watch a sexy spy kill a bunch of people with me?” Blaine asked,
lifting the covers up to invite him into the warm cocoon he’d made in the
middle of his cold bedroom.
“Not really.” Kurt glanced at the screen and saw a high speed car scene that
Blaine was really into, he chuckled as he set his bag down on Blaine’s desk and
began taking off his coat and scarf. He’d been too nervous around Cooper and
his twenty questions to hang them up in the closet downstairs like he usually
did. “But I’ll never turn down an opportunity to cuddle.”
“Just watch the rest of the movie and then try to tell me that you don’t have a
crush on Daniel Craig,” Blaine challenged him.
Kurt crawled onto the bed and under the covers. They shifted around a bit,
trying to find a comfortable position until finally Kurt’s arms wrapped around
Blaine’s waist from behind and his chin hooked over his shoulder so he could
see the screen. He hummed in the way Kurt had come to understand meant he was
completely satisfied.
“I take it 007 does something for you,” he teased, pinching playfully at
Blaine’s hips.
“You like your werewolves and I like my MI6 spies.”
They both stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms for the rest of Casino
Royale and then Quantum of Solace because Blaine had been right, there was
something about Daniel Craig. Then again, maybe Kurt just liked the way Blaine
would turn his head and nuzzle into him closer during the sexy scenes. Or the
way he pulled Kurt’s arms around him tighter during the action sequences.
As the ending credits started to roll, neither of them went to move away. There
was something special about lying with one another. Even with all their clothes
on and not a single kiss shared, it was still surprisingly intimate.
It was close to five thirty. Eventually they would both have to start thinking
of dinner. Luckily they didn’t have to worry about Blaine’s parents coming home
though. They’d left for London early this morning and wouldn’t be home until
next week. It was just the two of them and the obnoxious Cooper who kept
singing loudly downstairs, constantly reminding them that sound traveled easily
in this old house.
“I have your Christmas present,” Blaine said through a yawn, stretching in
Kurt’s arms before turning around so they were lying face to face.
“I have yours, too,” he said, thinking of the carefully wrapped gift he had
placed in his bag this morning.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Blaine responded, but Kurt could see the
pleased smile he wore, happy that Kurt had thought of him.
Well of course he’d thought to get something for Blaine. They were best friends
and boyfriends-but-not-really-boyfriends. Kurt didn’t even dignify that with a
response.
“It’s in my bag,” Kurt said, but neither of them moved to get it. The five
steps from the bed to the desk were farther than either of them was willing to
travel at the moment.
“Well then, mine first,” Blaine said, reaching past Kurt to pull an envelope
out of his nightstand. It was wrapped in candy cane paper and Kurt had to hold
back a giggle because there were about eighteen pieces of tape holding it all
together because obviously Blaine had wrapped it himself and didn’t know how to
wrap.
Kurt peeled back the paper, struggling against the tape to get it open without
ripping the card. He was expecting some sort of gift card. He wondered if that
would make things awkward when Blaine realized how personalized his gift to
Blaine was, but he brushed that thought aside. He had never really gotten gifts
from a friend before so anything Blaine gave him would be special. Even if
Kurt’s gift would appear that much more over the top, it would be worth it to
see Blaine smile.
As it turned out, Kurt’s worrying over gifts was premature. Because inside a
handmade card with a cute drawing of the two of them under some mistletoe (how
did he not know that Blaine could draw like that?) were two tickets to Lady
Gaga’s concert in April. Not just any tickets though, box seats!
“But the concert sold out in minutes, we didn’t even know each other when the
tickets went on sale? You don’t listen to Gaga, I don’t understand,” Kurt
rambled as he held the tickets like they were made of cotton candy and would
disintegrate any minute.
“My dad’s had a box for years for all the Cavaliers games, I called in some
favors,” Blaine said with a shrug, like it was nothing.
He knew how hard Kurt was working, picking up hours at his dad’s shop to try
and raise enough money to pay for the outrageous scalpers. What made this even
more special, what Blaine didn’t know, was that Kurt had blown all the money
he’d saved for the tickets on Blaine’s Christmas present. Kurt stared at Blaine
for a long moment, trying to come up with words to explain how grateful he was,
but nothing came. Instead, he leaned in and gave him a happy kiss, which led to
several more, the two of them giggling the entire time.
“Is it weird to think we’ve only known each other a little over a month?” Kurt
asked when they both eventually stopped kissing.
“Yes,” Blaine said with a serene smile on his face. “I feel like I’ve been
looking for you forever.”
Kurt rolled off the bed and quickly got Blaine’s present out of his bag before
climbing back under the warm covers. His house always seemed so cold. Blaine
blamed it on the old walls not holding in the heat, one of the downfalls of
living in a Victorian era mansion. Kurt always suspected that Blaine turned
down the heat when he came over so they’d be forced to cuddle that much closer.
He never called him on it, though.
“Your turn,” he said as he handed Blaine his gift.
Before even opening it, he hugged it to himself and said thank you in a way
that made Kurt’s stomach crawl because Blaine acted like he wasn’t used to
getting presents. Which was impossible, because his parents bought him
everything. It seemed like he was constantly showing Kurt the latest gadget
he’d gotten.
Eventually, Kurt got him to open the gift. A signed, vinyl copy of Iron &
Wine’s Woman King, because it was the first thing they’d ever listened to
together. He’d spent days wrapped up in an intense Ebay auction with another
user because he knew he’d never find a more perfect gift. With the way Blaine
cherished his music, he knew that he’d appreciate the old record more than some
downloaded mp3. He’d seen the old record player that didn’t work in the back of
Blaine’s closet; Blaine loved to collect old things. He had an entire shelf
full of old cameras he’d found in his grandparent’s basement.
“This is the coolest gift I’ve ever been given,” he said, running his hands
over it softly before flipping it over to read over every line of text.
“You should pull out that record player and we can listen to it,” Kurt said,
giddy with the knowledge that the record alone wasn’t his only gift to Blaine.
“It doesn’t work,” Blaine said with a sad shrug. “It hasn’t worked in over a
year.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, trying to hide his growing smile.
“Yeah, none of the records will play right. It moves too slowly and they sound
all distorted,” Blaine explained, his eyes never leaving the record. Kurt
wanted to laugh, Blaine thought his record player didn’t work and he was still
looking at this record like it was the best thing in the world.
“Maybe you should try it again,” Kurt whispered into his ear.
Blaine didn’t catch on immediately, but Kurt could practically see the gears in
Blaine’s head moving. Eventually he looked at him, disbelieving.
“What did you do?” he asked. Kurt could see that he already knew by the way his
entire face was lighting up.
“My dad’s a mechanic, I know how to fix things,” he shrugged. Inside he was
cheering and doing a ridiculous happy dance. He’d been nervous that Blaine
would freak out that he’d gotten him such a deeply personal gift, but he
wasn’t. He was ecstatic.
“I know how much music means to you,” Kurt finished, wrapping his arms around
Blaine’s stomach and nuzzling into his neck as Blaine tried to digest
everything.
“This is...” he whispered. “Apart from the Broadway tickets my Aunt got me when
I was ten and went to New York, this is the coolest gift in the world.” Blaine
settled into Kurt’s arms and continued to stare at the record.
“Aren’t you going to play it?” Kurt asked, surprised Blaine hadn’t jumped up
already to try out every record he had. Kurt had been looking forward to
witnessing one of Blaine’s epic monologues about all the different indie bands
he listened to. He was waiting for Blaine to put on some track from the
seventies and lament about the fact that they weren’t born thirty years ago.
“Later,” he said, putting the record on his nightstand and tangling arms and
legs up together. “I don’t really want to move right now.”
He understood. At the moment, he couldn’t picture himself being anywhere but in
Blaine’s arms.
Blaine put his head on Kurt’s shoulder and began tracing words onto Kurt’s
chest and humming out the tune to a song that Kurt didn’t recognize. It didn’t
take him long to realize Blaine was tracing out song lyrics. He wondered why
Blaine didn’t join Glee Club with him since he loved music so much, but that
didn’t take long to figure out. Blaine couldn’t be in Glee Club because Finn
was the unspoken leader of the club.
Eventually Blaine’s tracing slowed down and the humming stopped. Kurt assumed
Blaine had fallen asleep, but when he looked down, Blaine had turned his chin
up to watch him and his eyes were suspiciously wet. He sent him a questioning
look, wondering what was wrong. Blaine looked from the record on the nightstand
then back up to Kurt.
“I—” Blaine opened and closed his mouth, struggling to find the right words to
say. His eyes were suspiciously wet.
“I know,” Kurt said, saving him from trying to voice the gratitude he felt.
Kurt could put two and two together. Sure he showed up with new laptops and
gaming systems all the time, but all it took was a quick Google search by his
parents to see what teenagers were asking for nowadays. It didn’t mean they
really knew Blaine.
“I want to be with you,” Blaine whispered, his voice shaky.
“You are with me, silly,” he said with an uneasy laugh, not sure where he was
going with this.
Blaine shook his head and closed his eyes, frustrated that he wasn’t able to
explain himself properly.
“No, at school. Yesterday… you were right. I was just scared.”
Kurt felt his heart leap into his throat, praying that Blaine wasn’t joking.
“You’re sure?” he asked, knowing that he had to be certain this was really what
Blaine wanted. He had been so adamant before, so scared. As much as he wanted
Blaine to get over his fear, he wouldn’t push this if Blaine wasn’t ready.
Blaine nodded, biting his lip, still looking hesitant but his smile kept
growing bigger and bigger until he was practically beaming.
“I just want to be with you, no waiting.”
***** Chapter 12 *****
Kurt and Blaine spent the last few days of winter break glued to each other’s
side in blissful oblivion; buried under covers whenever there was an empty
house and cuddled up on the same end of the couch whenever there wasn’t. They
marathoned America’s Next Top Model, watched Harry Potter Weekend on ABC
Family, went on coffee dates at Angeli’s, and even played footsie under the
table at Hummel-Hudson family dinners. Kurt had listened to several albums from
start to finish that Blaine had been anxious to introduce him to, while Blaine
made his way through all of Kurt’s back issues of Vogue.
In fact, Blaine seemed so content with just being near Kurt that he managed to
be in the same room with Finn with little more than disgusted glares and under-
the-breath comments shared between the two. To Kurt, it was the best Christmas
present he ever could have gotten. This also meant he was constantly waiting
for the other shoe to drop and the fantasy to come crashing down around them.
He was fully expecting it all to come to a head on New Year’s Eve. Blaine had
been getting texts from his friends all break about parties and ragers that he
just had to attend. Kurt had been prepared for Blaine to ditch him on New
Year’s Eve with an excuse about needing to spend some time with his friends
after ignoring them all break. He had wanted Blaine to feed them some lie about
family obligations so the two of them could watch the ball drop in their future
hometown on TV together. He hadn’t been expecting Blaine to invite him to a
party.
That was the moment Kurt realized Blaine was serious about not hiding any
longer.
Kurt spent two hours that afternoon trying on every outfit he owned at least
twice. He was determined to make sure he looked absolutely perfect for Blaine.
He didn’t want to give Blaine’s friends any more reason to pick on him. He was
under no false illusions. He knew that Blaine had been hiding him for so long
because his friend’s didn’t exactly think Kurt was good enough for Blaine. He
had to prove them wrong.
By the time eight o’clock hit and Blaine was ringing his doorbell to pick him
up, Kurt dressed in his tightest black pants and an edgy, bondage inspired red
top that was fashionable yet not outrageously gay. Kurt didn’t want to come
across as toogay. That had been Finn’s only contribution to the family
conversation over lunch about Kurt being responsible and safe tonight. Finn had
told him to tone it down. Kurt had wanted to smack him, but at the end of the
day he followed his advice. After all, Finn had a lot more experience
interacting with high school kids than Kurt did.
“You look amazing,” Blaine said as he helped Kurt into his coat and tried to
ignore the way Burt was staring him down.
“Thanks,” Kurt blushed, taking in Blaine’s tight black polo and bow tie and
wondering if Finn really did know what he was talking about when he’d told him
he’d need to tone it down. Even back to the first day they’d met, Blaine hadn’t
exactly dressed like one of the guys.
“I trust you both to make responsible decisions,” Burt spoke up as Kurt
buttoned up his coat and wrapped a scarf around his neck.
“Dad,” Kurt hissed under his breath, praying his father didn’t embarrass him on
his first official date.
“I’ll take good care of your son, Mr. H.,” Blaine said respectfully as always.
“Take good care of each other,” he said with a smile that said he wasn’t nearly
as against this whole thing as he pretended to be. “Carole and I will be up for
awhile, so if you run into trouble don’t hesitate to call.”
“Have a good night,” Kurt said, pushing Blaine out the door before his dad
could try and hand them condoms or something equally as mortifying. Burt had
already asked him if he’d read over the pamphlets carefully before Blaine had
arrived and Kurt really didn’t want to see if his dad’s lack of filter would
extend to Blaine.
“Your dad seems oddly calm about all of this,” Blaine said as they hurried to
his car to escape the below freezing temperature. “Where did you tell him we
were going?”
“A party across town?” he responded, not sure what Blaine was getting at. Had
there been a change of plans?
“Wow, you told the truth,” Blaine said sounding impressed. “I told my parents I
was going to spend the night babysitting Puck’s little sister with him.”
“And Cooper didn’t rat you out?” he asked.
“He was on the first plane back to LA this morning, thank God. Something about
being unable to spend New Year’s in the Midwest.”
“I don’t know, it doesn’t seem all that bad,” Kurt said, reaching across the
console to grab onto Blaine’s hand. He couldn’t help but smile as Blaine laced
their fingers together.
He was surprised when Blaine turned up the music as Rihanna’s newest dance song
came on. Usually, when it was the two of them, Blaine would play some indie
singer for him. He knew that his iPod was a wide mix of music, even including
some random Eminem songs, but they rarely listened to such Top 40 together
unless Kurt managed to force some Gaga on him.
He gave him a strange look as Blaine started to bob his head along and sing
about being the “only girl in the world.”
“What?” Blaine laughed, glancing back and forth between the road and Kurt’s
judgmental face.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
It was true. Blaine was practically radiating a happiness that he’d never seen
before. There had been hints of it, when they were tucked away somewhere alone
together Kurt had started to see it before. This was different though. Kurt
figured it had to do with Blaine finally giving up the act and deciding not to
hide anymore. Kurt said a silent prayer that tonight went okay. He would hate
to see that light go away again.
“We’re going to a party,” he explained. “You’ve gotta warmup with some dance
music on the way.”
“Obviously,” Kurt said with a mocking tone. He had to admit, Blaine’s joy was
infectious. Even Kurt found himself smiling brighter than he had in years.
“Play DJ,” Blaine passed his iPhone over to him as some Ke$ha came over the
speakers and Kurt laughed at the excited spark in Blaine’s eyes.
“I thought you’d be more nervous about this?” he asked as he began to scroll
through a playlist Blaine had titled pre-party dancing. He had a playlist for
almost every possible situation, each one containing well over a hundred songs.
Kurt couldn’t help but feel warm all over when he saw Blaine’s newest playlist
entitled With Kurt <3.
“I thought I would be, too,” he shrugged. “I talked to Puck about it earlier
today and told him I was going to bring you. He sounded cool with it and
promised to have our backs if anything happened, but I guess Azimio is having
his own party tonight. We won’t have to worry about any of the football
players.”
“Right,” Kurt nodded along.
He questioned how cool Puck really was with the entire situation considering he
had never been that friendly to Kurt but he let it go. He was content just
knowing that Blaine was happy.
“Plus there will be a lot of college boys there,” he sang in a dreamy tone. “It
looks like I’ll finally get to prove to you how sexy you are when I flaunt you
in front of their faces.”
Kurt couldn’t help but blush at that, even though he didn’t think he’d ever
believe Blaine’s words. It was enough for him to be at a point where he knew
that Blaine believed he was sexy.
“Are you just using me to make your exes jealous?” he teased, surprising
himself with how little jealousy he feels when he thinks of all the other men
Blaine’s been with before.
“Well, if they end up eating their words for acting like I’d never be more than
some fun drunken story then let them.”
Blaine said these things off-handedly all the time like it was no big deal. It
made Kurt sad to think that even though Blaine was popular, he dealt with the
same feelings of being unwanted as Kurt did. He hoped that was all these
comments were—regular teenage insecurity, because the thought of Blaine with
some college guy just trying to get him drunk so they could fool around… it
made him nauseous.
As they pulled onto Mike’s block, there were cars covering the entire street
and Blaine cursed about how they would have to park so far away when it was so
cold out. Kurt felt himself starting to grow nervous. It wasn’t that he hadn’t
expected there to be other people there, he knew what Blaine had meant when
he’d said party. He just hadn’t really had the time to think about all the
other people there when he was so worried about what Blaine would be thinking
and if he would change his mind about bringing Kurt.
Now though, looking at all the cars and noticing even more people pulling into
the neighborhood and circling around, he felt his stomach start to bubble. He’d
never been to a party before. Shit, he hardly even interacted with other people
besides Blaine and Lauren unless his very tentative and recent bonding with New
Directions counted. He didn’t know how to act normal around these kids who were
so cool even college kids come around for their parties.
Kurt rubbed his hands in front of the heater just to give himself something to
do that wasn’t pulling at his carefully styled hair. What kind of things did
kids do at parties? Did they play Spin the Bottle and Seven Minutes in Heaven
still or had they outgrown that? If they hadn’t, would Kurt have to kiss
somebody that wasn’t Blaine? Oh God... Would there be drugs there? What if
people were having sex in bedrooms upstairs and Blaine would be expecting that
from him? His only knowledge of college parties came from teen dramas and
eighties rom-coms. As much as Blaine was his own personal Jake Ryan (okay maybe
he watched too much Sixteen Candles over the years), he doubted anything from
those shows or movies was accurate.
“You ready?” Blaine asked with a hint of concern.
He must be able to see how nervous you are, Kurt thought. Just talk to him
about it.
“What if nobody talks to me?” Kurt mumbled, embarrassed for feeling like a five
year old going to his first sleepover.
“They will,” Blaine assured him. “And even if they don’t, you’ll be with me.”
“I don’t want you to have to babysit me,” he said, instantly feeling worse. He
should have just told Blaine to go to the party alone. He was too socially
inexperienced for something like this. Blaine’s friends were going to take one
look at him and wonder what on Earth somebody like Blaine was doing with
somebody like him.
All of his confidence from earlier was shattered with the reality of facing
these privileged, perfect teenagers that had no idea what it was like to
struggle with insecurities and fear every day of high school. He couldn’t
relate to any of them and they sure as hell weren’t going to understand him.
This was a horrible idea. Blaine had been right to hide him away.
“I won’t be babysitting you,” Blaine said with a roll of his eyes. “You’re my
date. Now let’s get inside where it’s warm. You won’t feel as nervous once you
have a drink.”
You matter, he could hear his father’s words again in the back of his head.
You’re my perfect thing, he could hear Blaine’s words from before as well. They
reminded him to be strong.
Blaine started to get out of the car, but Kurt knew he had to finish this
conversation or he would never survive inside.
“Is that what you did?” Kurt asked when Blaine was already halfway out the
door.
“What?” he asked, climbing back inside and closing the door again when some
people walking past started yelling Blaine’s name in greeting.
“At your first party,” Kurt clarified. “Did you just drink until you weren’t
scared anymore?”
Blaine sat back in his seat and sighed deeply, clearly settling in for a more
serious discussion than he had expected.
“I guess?” he answered, not really sounding sure of himself. “I’m pretty sure
it’s still what I do. I don’t think that initial nervousness ever goes away.
There’s nothing to be nervous about. Most of the people in there are my
friends. They are good people even if they have their shortcomings and aren’t
always the most tactful.”
Kurt just nodded, not knowing if that made him feel better or worse that Blaine
still felt this nervous before a party. That meant that this feeling like he
was going to throw up in social situations would never go away.
“At your first party, did you just drink until you weren’t scared anymore?” he
asked.
“Shit, Kurt. That’s still what I do,” Blaine said with an awkward laugh.
“Listen, if you’re uncomfortable, we can just go home right now. I don’t want
you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“No, no,” Kurt quickly silenced that thought. Blaine was finally taking a step
towards being brave. He was going public with their relationship. The least
Kurt could do was have some courage himself. He’d been the one to practically
pressure Blaine into this.
There is an awkward pause.
“Okay,” Blaine said with an understanding nod of his head. He didn’t move to go
inside this time. He suddenly seemed just as nervous as Kurt was to go inside.
Well that won’t do, Kurt thought. He didn’t mean to make Blaine second guess
himself. He’d just been distracted by his own insecurities for a minute. He
took a deep breath and pulled himself together, carefully putting his armor
back in place. The straighter he held himself, the less affected he let himself
seem; the more he’d be left alone.
“Well, I guess we don’t have to drink anymore,” he said with a brave smile. “We
have each other now.”
“Right,” Blaine smiled back and leaned in to kiss Kurt.
Just as Kurt’s hand was making its way to the back of his neck to pull Blaine
in closer, they were interrupted by a group of loud bangs on the car which
caused both of them to shoot apart. Kurt was embarrassed to see Puck, Sam and
Mike pounding on the car with ridiculous grins like they’d just been gifted
with the best Christmas present of their lives.
“What ya doin’ in there, Anderslut?”
“Get a room!”
“Looks like Baby Blainers midnight kiss turned into a nine o’clock BJ!”
Kurt looked at Blaine with a tight, forced smile. He wasn’t amused by this show
in the slightest and Blaine could see that. He knew that these were Blaine’s
friends and his brief encounters with Finn and his friends whenever they came
over told him that this was just how guys talked to each other, but it still
made his skin crawl with memories of similar things being said to him with real
malice behind it.
“Just give them a chance,” Blaine reminded. “They mean well.”
He opened the door and greeted his friends with high fives and slaps on the
back. Kurt crawled out of the car and stood on the other side, watching the
various bromance exchanges awkwardly. He had always known Blaine acted
differently with him than he did with others, but it was strange to see it in
action. He was even stranger to witness it and not feel like it was entirely an
act on Blaine’s part.
“J. Lindeberg’s Eddie Vintage cords,” an unfamiliar voice said from behind
Kurt. He quickly turned around to see an older boy, most likely college age,
looking him up and down with a warm smile. He was taller than Kurt and bigger.
He was clearly muscular, that could be seen even through his brown peacoat.
“Those are some good pants.”
“You’ve got a good eye,” Kurt said, his cheeks heating up. He wasn’t used to
anyone paying attention to his wardrobe with the exception of Blaine’s constant
compliments on the fit of pants he chose to wear. He certainly didn’t expect
anybody to be able to tell him what designer he was currently wearing.
“Absolutely not,” Blaine said, pulling Kurt away from the kind stranger
quickly. Kurt could feel how tense Blaine was and he wondered if this was
jealousy. Kurt hadn’t even been doing anything, not really. He was just talking
to a nice stranger who happened to appreciate fashion as much as Kurt did.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Puck said to the man, standing in front of
Blaine and Kurt, completely blocking Kurt’s view of the man. Kurt leaned over
so he could still watch everything unfold, not understanding anything. Who was
this guy and why was everyone suddenly so worked up?
He didn’t know what was going on, but he could see Puck was livid and Blaine
had tensed up beside him. The other boys were standing beside them, arms
crossed to look as menacing as possible. Kurt felt like he was in trouble for
something, but he didn’t understand what he’d done.
“It’s a free country,” the stranger said with a bored tone. Gone was the sweet
voice he’d been using with Kurt. Now he sounded completely unimpressed, almost
pompous.
“It’s my house and I know I didn’t invite you,” Mike spoke up.
“Oh my God,” the man said with a roll of his eyes. “This high school drama shit
is why we never worked out B.”
Kurt glanced back and forth frantically between Blaine’s annoyed glare and the
man’s cocky, condescending smirk.
“Goodbye Riley,” Blaine said, pulling on Kurt again as they made their way into
the house. Unfortunately, Riley seemed to be trailing after them.
Blaine clearly just wanted to get away from the situation and Kurt could see
why. Riley. This was the man who had dumped Blaine a few weeks ago at Ohio
State. Kurt suddenly felt all of the sympathy he’d been holding for the man go
out the window. He remembered how broken and lonely Blaine had sounded that
night when he’d drunkenly called Kurt to come and get him.
The sudden urge to punch the man in his smug face came strong and Kurt could
see why the other boys had been so eager to step between them. They feel
protective over Blaine, Kurt thought happily. At least Blaine had been right
when he’d said his friends cared for him.
“I’m not leaving,” Riley called after the two of them with an unaffected laugh
that made Kurt’s skin crawl. He could only imagine how Blaine must be feeling.
“There isn’t a whole lot of options for getting laid in Lima, even over the
holidays with everyone home,” Riley continued to call after them while Blaine
headed straight for the bar and grabbed the first bottle he saw.
“Unfortunately, thanks to Blaine’s talent for deep throating anything that
pulls down its pants and your swim team’s reputation for swinging any way the
wind blows, every gay in town is inside.”
Kurt was horrified at the way Riley was referring to Blaine like he was some
kind of whore. Even if Blaine had been with a lot of other people—Kurt wouldn’t
know, he’s never really asked him for a number—that didn’t give this man the
right to make him feel bad about it. Blaine was a decent person. A great
person.
“Okay, if you’re so interested in finding somebody to take home, why don’t you
go do that,” Kurt said, his gaze switching back and forth from watching Blaine
down three shots in a row and watching Riley look both Blaine and himself up
and down like they were something to be devoured.
Riley leaned in and whispered to him like he was in on some big secret, “Let me
know once you’ve both downed enough alcohol to stop pretending you aren’t
interested.”
“We’ll never be interested,” he said, counting backwards from ten so that he
didn’t punch this guy in the balls from the way he was breathing into Kurt’s
neck. Who the hell did this bastard think he was and how had Blaine ever gotten
involved with him?
“That’s what he always says when he’s still too tense and worked up about what
his precious fuck buddy Puckerman will think, he’ll come around.” With that,
Riley had disappeared into the crowd with a carefree laugh, like they’d
discussed nothing more than the evening news.
“Here,” Blaine shoved a bottle of vodka into Kurt’s hands. He could tell that
Blaine was worked up by the way his hands were shaking. Kurt held the bottle
out, unsure what Blaine expected him to do with it. He knew Blaine had been
taking shots of it, but he hadn’t given Kurt any glasses and he sure as hell
wasn’t going to be drinking it straight out of the bottle. He had class.
When Kurt didn’t do anything, Blaine seemed to realize his mistake and picked
up some smaller paper cups and poured Kurt a shot. It burned going down and
made him cough strongly. The last time he’d taken shots with Blaine, he’d
already been drunk. He didn’t know how people did this regularly, it was
disgusting.
“Told you the college boys would be all over you,” Blaine said, his tone
bitter. Kurt’s brow creased in confusion, unsure what he should be saying or
doing to make this better. As it was, this was about to ruin their evening
before it even got started.
“And imagine how stupid he’ll feel when I spend the entire night staring at
you,” Kurt said, hoping it would calm him down enough. “Ignore him.”
“I’m not a whore,” Blaine said, crossing his arms. He looked slightly childish
and Kurt kept waiting for him to stop his foot indignantly. He held back a
laugh; Blaine wouldn’t forgive him if he laughed right now.
“Okay,” Kurt said giving him a look so he’d know he never thought he was. “He’s
clearly a douchebag from hell. Let’s just forget about it, alright?”
His arms fell to his sides, but he continued to glare after Riley for a few
more minutes. He was clearly caught in his own thoughts.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked, tentatively trying to get his attention. He’d never quite
seen him like this and he wondered if this was how Blaine would always be when
they were out in public together. He certainly hoped not. After a minute or two
of painfully awkward silence, Blaine finally turned to him with a smile.
“Let’s dance.”
The next couple of hours went by thankfully without incident. Blaine’s good
mood had seemed to return the second he pulled Kurt out onto the makeshift
dance floor in Mike’s living room. Music always had a way of putting Blaine
back together and Kurt figured that was another way that they were the same. It
was incredibly easy to forget about everything when the music was playing loud
enough to be felt in their veins. It might not have been the poetic
masterpieces of Iron & Wine or Bon Iver, but Top 40 had its own magical powers.
He was impressed by how little the people at the party seemed to care that two
boys were dancing close together. In fact, instead of people being disgusted
like Kurt had expected, Blaine was the life of the party. Everyone seemed to
want to be close to him. Not that it was incredibly surprising. Kurt knew how
easy it was to swoon after just one smile. His laughter was infectious as he
danced on top of a coffee table. Kurt had never witnessed the rest of the swim
team’s crush on Blaine first hand, but if watching them dance close together
before falling into hysterics every few minutes was any indication of their
bond, it wasn’t hard to picture them becoming bi-curious for Blaine.
Kurt would have been jealous of it all if Blaine didn’t make it a point to pull
Kurt into his arms every other song to dance with him in a way that should be
illegal, making it obvious to everyone at the party who Blaine was going to be
going home with.
Currently, Kurt was taking a break from all the excitement by standing off to
the side with a fresh drink. He was getting far more joy out of people watching
than he was by dancing. The amount of stupid things his classmates did the
second they had some alcohol in their systems was astounding. Santana, the
bitchy girl from Glee that liked to put Rachel in her place, was crying in the
corner while she screamed at Sam. There was a group of sophomore’s doing body
shots in the kitchen. A couple of boys were running around shirtless outside
despite the freezing weather and the fact that it had started to snow.
He watched as Tina stumbled through the crowd and came to stand next to him
with a wide smile. He had quickly noticed that she was one of those giggly
drunks, which was much preferable than anything else. He liked her. She was
incredibly welcoming and cool. She didn’t seem terribly overdramatic like some
of the other New Directions, even if she had broken down crying in the middle
of a solo last week. He could see them becoming good friends.
“What’s that quote? The saddest people sometimes smile the brightest?” Tina
said into his ear loudly to be heard over the screams of countless teenagers
belting out lyrics to Black Eyed Peas.
Kurt gave her a double take, trying to figure out what she was saying this for.
She just nodded towards where Blaine and Mike were doing an interpretive dance
set to “The Time.” He was somewhat surprised. Not that Blaine could keep up
with the rap parts so well, but that he was singing along, completely oblivious
to the amount of people enthralled by his drunken, yet talented performance.
Blaine had told him that he never sang in public.
Not that he can remember at least, Kurt thought wryly to himself.
“You’re gonna be good for him,” Tina finished her thought before shrugging and
going off in search of refill for her drink.
Even if her speech was a bit slurred and she could barely walk straight, he
couldn’t help but think she was the most insightful person in the room. It made
him want to get to know Mike that much more. He was one of Blaine’s closest
friends and he obviously was good enough to have been dating somebody as cool
as Tina for close five months now.
“You’re hiding from me,” Blaine walked up to him, pouting after finishing his
song with Mike.
“I just needed some air,” he said, waving his face to emphasize how hot it was
in the room. He had to fight back the urge to nibble on Blaine’s lower lip that
just looked so kissable when he gave him that puppy dog look.
“Are you having fun?” Blaine asked, his speech was slightly slurred, but for
the most part he was holding himself impressively well for how much he’d drank
already.
“I’m enjoying watching you,” he admitted.
Blaine smiled at him fondly, letting his hands wonder up to his shirt. He
silently played with the black strap of his shirt while Kurt sipped on his
drink and watched him with a secret smile. Blaine pulled on it, forcing him to
step closer to him.
“Is this a bondage shirt?” he leaned in close to speak into his ear so they
wouldn’t be forced to shout at each other.
He sounded slightly shocked, but more noticeably, he was turned on. Kurt could
feel how turned on he was and wondered how either of them were going to be able
to get out of the room without everyone seeing their growing hard-ons for each
other.
“It’s fashion,” Kurt said defensively, but all night he’d secretly hoped Blaine
would realize what exactly he’d been wearing. Even though it wasn’t a sex
shirt—he’d painfully explained as much to his father awkwardly the day the
shirt came in the mail—it had came from a designer collection that had gone
with a BDSM inspired collection for the season.
“It’s mean,” he whined, grinding himself against Kurt, causing them both to
groan uncontrollably. Luckily, the music was loud and Kurt didn’t think anybody
had noticed since the group of kids closest to them were focused on a game of
King’s Cup.
“I’m not the one that’s going to make us both come in front of all of McKinley.
Stop moving your hips like that,” Kurt begged, biting his lip to keep from
crying out at the way Blaine was dancing into him.
“Sorry,” Blaine said with a heavy blush, doing his best to still his hips. “I
just love dancing with you.”
“Maybe we should make our way outside,” he suggested, grabbing onto his hips
and moving them backwards and in the general direction of an exit. “The cold
air would do us good.”
“I’d do you good,” Blaine whispered into his ear before nibbling on it.
“Blaine!” Kurt pulled away from him, scandalized. They were not about to start
making out in the middle of the party. Sure, there were countless other couples
going to town on every surface, but they were all straight. Kurt didn’t think
everyone would be that cool with it if two boys started making out.
“Right sorry,” he apologized and held his hands up surrender.
They both tried to cover themselves up as they hurried towards the front door
as inconspicuously as possible. They managed to make it safely without that
many strange looks though Kurt had been positive that had been Lauren giving
him a judgmental look. He hadn’t had time to stop and do a double take, but it
had certainly looked like her who had been glued to Puck’s mouth and only she
would be able to handle making out and judging somebody else at the same time.
He’d have to ask her about it when they got back to school.
“Air!” Blaine cried happily as they stepped outside and he went running out
into the front yard, arms out to his sides and head thrown back, breathing in
the fresh air.
Kurt had to admit it was too stuffy and hot inside; the cool wind at their
cheeks felt good. He laughed as Blaine spun around in a circle, talking about
how much he loved snow, only to trip over his own feet and drunkenly fall on
his ass.
“Guess it’s gonna be awhile before either of us can drive,” he commented,
shaking his head as Blaine tried to coax him out into the snow with him. Kurt
was perfectly content under the awning where he would stay nice and dry.
Blaine stuck out his bottom lip and pouted, until Kurt couldn’t resist anymore
and just had to join him out in the snow if only so he could lean over and kiss
Blaine.
“Mike offered us one of the spare bedrooms for the night,” Blaine explained,
sighing in content before falling onto his back and attempting to make a snow
angel.
There wasn’t enough snow on the ground for it to work. Kurt cringed as he
thought of how dirty his clothes were going to be. Then he realized both of
their clothes were already ruined at this point. They smelled like sweat,
cigarettes, spilled beer and what Kurt assumed was weed.
He was surprised when Blaine wrapped a hand around the back of his knee and
pulled hard enough for Kurt to tumble to the cold ground on top of Blaine.
“That’s better,” he giggled as he wrapped his arms around Kurt’s neck.
“It’s freezing out here,” Kurt whispered, their lips were centimeters from each
other and the way he was straddling Blaine was anything but innocent.
He could easily see them getting lost in each other this way, out here in the
front yard where anybody could see them together. He didn’t have time to really
think about the consequences of what they were doing so publicly. Not with the
alcohol still clouding his judgment and Blaine mouthing at his Adam’s apple and
making the most wanton noises.
“Good thing I’m well practiced at warming you up,” Blaine said, spreading his
legs wide enough for Kurt to comfortably fit between them.
They rested their foreheads against one another and watched their eyes grow
darker as they ground against each other. Kurt enjoyed seeing the way Blaine’s
face would scrunch up whenever a jolt of pleasure would run through him. Kurt
loved knowing that Blaine fell apart just as easily as he did at the simplest
of touches.
“I thought I asked Santa to kill all the homos,” a deep voice yelled at them
from across the street.
It was like they’d been hit in the face with a hundred slushies. The mood was
instantly gone and they both scrambled to their feet to watch the flock of red
McKinley letterman jackets make their way across the street. Blaine grabbed
onto Kurt’s wrist and pulled him behind him, all the while his eyes never
leaving the crowd of laughing boys making their way closer and closer.
“Go inside,” Blaine whispered, sounding more sober than he had all night.
Kurt could feel the tension in the air and knew this wasn’t just a homophobic
comment thrown their way in passing. This was something much more serious.
Blaine was tense and his hands were clenched in fists, ready for a fight.
“No,” Kurt said. He wasn’t about to leave Blaine alone out here where he’d be
outnumbered and nobody would be able to help him. It was too dark outside and
too loud inside for anyone to notice them scream.
“What’s the matter Fag-derson?” One of the boys called out. Jackson, Kurt had
third period with him. He had never been friendly towards Kurt, but he’d also
never looked at him twice before. Well, he was glaring at him now. “Is the
Golden Boy actually scared? Daddy’s money can’t protect you out here, can he?”
There were five of them in total. Three of them Kurt recognized from various
classes or times when they’d thought it was hilarious to throw a slushie at him
or slam him into a locker. The way they were all smirking at them made his skin
crawl.
“Go inside and get Puck and the guys,” Blaine said quietly under his breath so
the others wouldn’t hear. Kurt shook his head, feeling like he was glued to his
spot. He couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t leave.
“What’s the matter?” Blaine asked, his voice dark and angry.
Gone was the sweet, polite boy Kurt had always known. This was something
different. This was worse than the way Blaine acted around Finn. The fight
between Blaine and Finn had been wrapped up in anger and hurt, but never actual
fear. This wasn’t Blaine trying to poke at something to see it squirm; this was
Blaine trying to bite of somebody’s head before it had a chance to bite first.
“Bitter that all your girlfriend’s showed up here instead of at Azimio’s
because they’d rather grind up on me than have to be around you trolls?” Blaine
continued. “Or did you finally decide to admit what we’ve all known for over a
year. The only reason you like to beat me up is because you can’t keep your
hands off me.”
Kurt blanched. Blaine was provoking them. With each word, he could see the boys
growing more and more angry. What was Blaine doing? Sure, Kurt fought with
words before. He’d called these baboons Lima Losers and used the biggest most
insulting words to make them feel dumb. That was at school though. That was
where the most they could do was push him into a locker. This was different.
They were obviously drunk and there were no witnesses.
“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Jackson sneered.
“Obviously,” Blaine fired back immediately, never missing a beat. “Because
being gay means I just want to fuck any dick I see, even if it’s as small as
yours.”
Kurt didn’t know if it was the alcohol or if the movies got it right and these
kind of things really did happen in slow motion, but it seemed like it took
minutes for the first fist to connect with Blaine’s jaw. Blaine’s head flew
backwards as Kurt let out an indignant squeak. Obviously, making noise was the
worst idea. The other jocks seemed to finally notice him standing there and
closed in on him. Kurt had just enough time to see Blaine recover and tackle
Jackson to the ground before he was pushed to his knees and all he could see
was red nylon and wool.
The boys called him nasty things like cock sucker, queen, flamer, and fag as
they spit on him and asked him if he enjoyed being on his knees for them. Kurt
tuned them out and strained to hear what was going on with Blaine. He could
make out the faint sounds of panting and groaning as fists connected with skin
and he could only hope that it wasn’t Blaine that was getting hit. Kurt could
feel his eyes begin to water and he dug his nails into his palms roughly,
willing himself not to cry. He wouldn’t let them see him cry.
He heard Blaine let out a painful groan and he tried to push through the wall
of boys to go help, but he was slammed back down to the ground painfully. His
back connected with a sharp rock and he let out a loud cry.
“You fucking touch him and I will fuck you up,” Blaine yelled.
Kurt’s horrified. He’s never seen Blaine like this and he’s certainly never
heard him swear quite so much. It’s like some cartoonish superhero that’s
transformed from a sweet dapper kid into the Incredible Hulk. Only, nothing
about this is cartoonish or funny. Blaine is furious. Kurt’s trying to see
Blaine past all the jeans and sneakers but it’s hard when they all keep moving
to block his view. From the bits he does catch, he can see Blaine shaking with
unconfined rage. He seems to be landing more punches than Jackson is, but
Kurt’s still worried.
Kurt’s grabbed by the hair and forced back up to his knees as he’s kicked in
the back, letting out a strangled cry of pain.
“You gonna keep wailing on me when your boyfriend needs you?” Jackson said with
a laugh, but Kurt can hear his voice is more nasally. He’s likely got a broken
nose.
The crowd of jocks surrounding him part and Kurt can finally see Blaine. He’s
bleeding from the lip, his right eye has already started to swell, and he’s got
blood on his hands, but for the most part he doesn’t look that hurt. Not
compared to Jackson at least.
“Come on dude,” Leo, one of the other jocks called out to Jackson. “This party
is lame, let’s go back to Azimio’s. It’s gonna be midnight soon and I’m sure
there will be plenty of wasted girls just begging for somebody to kiss them.”
Jackson was still fuming, but he looked calculating. He seemed to recognize
that he couldn’t take Blaine in a fight, but he kept looking at Kurt like he’d
figured out some great mystery. Blaine’d caught on, too. He stepped between
Jackson and Kurt like a lion guarding its cub. Kurt felt so helpless. He didn’t
need Blaine to defend him. He could take care of himself just like he’d taken
care of himself for the last seventeen years. It was just that there were so
many of them and while Kurt knew he could fight off one of them, he didn’t know
how he’d possibly fight off five.
“So he is your boyfriend then?” Jackson smirked, moving in really close to
Blaine.
“He’s just some guy that I’m fucking. If you want to get to me, leave him out
of it,” Blaine said.
Kurt felt his heart grow cold at the words. He knew that Blaine was just trying
to protect them. He’d seen how serious these boys were about hurting them. If
Blaine didn’t look so absolutely terrifying when he was angry, he was certain
the both of them would be getting the shit beat out of them. Blaine had managed
to contain the situation, even if he had resorted to violence and that was
something Kurt never condoned.
Still, it hurt. It was mortifying to hear Blaine speak about him like he was
nothing more than a good lay.
“Just wait ‘til he’s not around princess,” Jackson said with a wink towards
Kurt. It made his stomach drop in a way that only Karofsky had ever managed to
do.
Kurt yelped as Blaine pulled back and punched Jackson square in the jaw,
sending him tumbling to the ground.
“We put up with you when you were single because you were more trouble than you
were worth,” Jackson said as one of the other guys helped him to his feet. They
all started walking back towards the sidewalk, but Kurt could tell this wasn’t
over. This round might be ending in a victory, but it was only the first round.
“It’s over now,” he continued as the other jocks nodded their agreement. “I’m
taking you down. You don’t deserve the faggy, golden tiara you wear at school
and since I know we can’t touch you with the way Coach Roz and the whole swim
team have you wrapped in bubble wrap, I’m starting with him. Nobody will give
two shits if we fuck up some Glee Club loser and you know it. You have no idea
what you just started, Anderson.”
With that, the boys walked away, leaving them alone. Leaving Kurt alone,
because Blaine wouldn’t even look at him.
It’s over now. Jackson’s words repeated over and over in his head. He wondered
if the jock knew just how accurate he’d been.
***** Chapter 13 *****
New Year’s Day, twelve hours after Blaine drove Kurt back home from the party
in complete silence, Kurt found himself on Blaine’s porch. He hadn’t been able
to sleep much. He just kept picturing the jocks surrounding him while Blaine
fought off Jackson. He kept remembering how Blaine could barely look at him
after Jackson had pledged to make Kurt’s life hell. He kept hearing Blaine tell
them that he was just a fuck buddy.
Still, Kurt found himself at Blaine’s house desperate to fix whatever had
broken last night. He didn’t want one bad night to ruin all that they were
working towards and he knew if he could just convince Blaine that he could
handle whatever was about to come, it would be alright.
He rang the doorbell impatiently waiting in the cold for Blaine to come to the
door. After a minute, when Kurt heard no reply, he rang the bell again. He knew
that Blaine was home because his car was in the driveway, he could only guess
that meant Blaine was ignoring him. He pushed down on the doorbell harshly,
barely containing his anger. Blaine didn’t get to ignore him. When there was
still no response, Kurt tried the door, not surprised to find it unlocked.
Blaine always forgot to pay attention to little details like that.
“Blaine?” He called out, hearing music coming from upstairs. Okay, so maybe he
wasn’t ignoring him. He just had his music up so loud that he couldn’t hear the
doorbell.
He took time to hang up his coat and scarf and unlace his boots. He needed to
think about how he wanted to approach this with Blaine. If he went in yelling
and screaming, Blaine would shut down immediately. He remembered Angeli’s
advice from a few weeks back. It wasn’t that Blaine didn’t want to talk, it’s
that he never thought anybody would listen. Kurt would need to take this slow,
let Blaine bring it up and then they could discuss their next step logically.
Once he’d gotten his shoes off, he had no more reason to delay the inevitable
and made his way up to Blaine’s room. The sight that greeted Kurt wasn’t
uncommon. Blaine was laying on the floor, eyes closed as music came from the
recently resurrected record player next to him. He was belting the words to the
song with so much passion it caused the hair on Kurt’s arms to stand up. No
matter how many times he told Blaine he needed to share his voice with the
world, he never listened to him.
What was uncommon was the split lip and the black eye that marred his otherwise
perfect face. He looked tired. His hair was a bit of a mess and there were dark
circles under his eyes like he hadn’t slept. Kurt wondered if he’d been up all
night with nightmares like Kurt had been. It made him sad to know that even
with the safety Blaine had found in his popularity, there were still people
willing to remind him of the days he’d been beaten and hospitalized for wanting
to bring a boy to a dance.
Blaine was currently singing along to his latest find, some singer named Ron
Pope who Blaine kept cursing himself for not finding sooner because he was
“God’s gift to vivid imagery in song.” Those had been Blaine’s exact words the
other day. God’s gift to vivid imagery in song.
How had Kurt managed to fall for such a goober? How could the rest of the world
be so cruel to a boy who only ever wanted to find symbolism in lyrics? A boy
who was perfectly content with a new song and some headphones. A boy who just
wanted to be perfect for everyone and couldn’t manage to do that when everyone
wanted him to be something different.
Kurt supposed he was part of that problem. He had pushed for Blaine to be open
about himself. It wasn’t like Kurt had asked for him to be anything but
himself, though. He wasn’t asking him to act more straight. He wasn’t even
asking him to act more gay, he just wanted him to stop pretending he didn’t
hurt when he did. He wanted him to stop pretending he was content when he
wasn’t. He just wanted Blaine to take what he wanted rather than pretend he
didn’t need things for himself.
Especially when what Blaine clearly wanted was Kurt.
He stayed by the door, leaning against the frame, content to watch Blaine
perform like he was singing to millions alone in his room, unaware of Kurt’s
presence. In fact, Kurt had the luxury of watching two whole songs before
Blaine opened his eyes and saw him standing barely a few feet away. Kurt was
sad to see that his eyes were bloodshot, a sign he’d been crying earlier even
if his eyes were dry at the moment.
Blaine stopped belting out the lyrics, but he didn’t stop singing as he held
out his hands, motioning for Kurt to join him. He didn’t look upset to see him,
but he didn’t look overjoyed either. There was a bittersweet smile on his face.
Kurt understood perfectly. They both saw the cracks in their relationship that
had grown longer and deeper overnight.
Kurt pulled an extra pillow off the bed along with the fleece blanket to cover
them both with before settling down on the floor with him. He didn’t cuddle
into Blaine’s chest like he usually would, but he didn’t distance himself
either. They lay with ankles knocking into each other as feet tapped to the
beat. Elbows grazed each other, reminding them they weren’t alone as they
stared at the ceiling listening to the music in silence, letting the lyrics say
the words of love and longing that neither of them could quite vocalize.
After a few songs, a much slower one came on. It was an acoustic performance,
just a voice and a guitar that felt so different when compared to the melodic
piano that had dominated the previous songs. Blaine turned onto his side and
propped himself up on his elbow. He traced Kurt’s face reverently as he sang a
song about being the reason he came home.
Kurt tried to tell himself that it was just a coincidence. The song had been
the next track on the record. Blaine hadn’t specifically chosen this song to
serenade Kurt with. Yet he knew Blaine didn’t just pick records at random.
Blaine was the boy who read every lyric. He was the boy who memorized every
note and played a song on repeat until he understood the message and could
apply it to his own life. The songs he played, they always had a meaning he was
trying to convey. There was always something he was trying to say, be it with
the words themselves or just the melody. So he knew that Blaine really meant
every word as he quietly sang the peaceful yet painfully sad song.
You’re the reason that when everything I know falls apart, you’re the reason I
come home.
The lyrics were so loving, so why did they sound like a goodbye when Blaine
sang them? He shook his head, not wanting to hear what Blaine was so clearly
trying to tell him. Kurt had come here to fight for the two of them to stay
together, not to say goodbye. Not to let Blaine say goodbye.
Blaine cared about Kurt but he couldn’t do this anymore, that’s what Blaine was
saying with this song. He could see it in his eyes—red and puffy, black and
blue, incredibly tortured eyes.
“I think I let you believe this was more than it was,” Blaine said, his voice
small and strangled.
“You’re lying,” Kurt said, feeling the tears start to fall from his eyes. He
knew why Blaine was doing this and hated him for it.
This wasn’t Blaine saying he didn’t care about him; this was him being unable
to admit he was scared of Jackson and all the other kids at school. This was
him being too cowardly to fight for love. It made Kurt want to scream, but he
knew it was no use. There was no way to fight for Blaine now. He would be a
jackass if he yelled at him for being scared of being gay bashed when he’d
spent six weeks in the hospital his freshman year. How else was he supposed to
convince Blaine they were good for each other if Blaine wouldn’t listen and
Kurt couldn’t make him?
“You’re a good friend,” Blaine’s voice cracked and he couldn’t even look him in
the eye as he continued to stab Kurt with his words. “But this was never more
than fooling around for me. I don’t think it’s a good idea to do this anymore.”
“Stop it,” he said, sitting up and moving away from him angrily. “Stop it. Just
stop talking.”
“You clearly care about me more than I do you,” Blaine lied.
Kurt knew it was a lie, but that didn’t make the words sting any less. In fact,
it made them sting more. Blaine was in love with him, Kurt could tell. He
didn’t have a lot of experience with this, but he knew Blaine loved him. It
just made him so angry that they had found each other only to be pulled apart
by something so stupid—by people too hateful to notice how perfect they were
together.
Fuck, what had they ever really done to Jackson anyway to warrant him and his
friends bullying them last night? This wasn’t fair. Kurt had been so close to
having Blaine. Everyone at the party and been so accepting and Blaine had
looked so happy. Then those hateful assholes had to come along and ruin
everything.
Kurt stared into his eyes for the longest time until the song ended and Kurt
heard the telltale sound of static that signaled the end of the record. The
song was over. There wasn’t another one to follow, that was it.
Well Kurt couldn’t just leave without trying everything he could keep the only
perfect thing he’d ever had. He leaned in and gave Blaine an open, wet, tearful
kiss filled with all the passion of two boys who didn’t want to let go but
didn’t know how to hold on. He fisted at Blaine’s sweater as he sobbed into the
kiss, knowing it would be the last time.
He rolled Blaine on top of him, needing to feel the weight of him. Needing the
security of being completely surrounded by somebody that cared for him. It took
him a minute to realize that it wasn’t just his tears being spilled but
Blaine’s as well. Blaine was grasping at every part of Kurt he could reach with
trembling hands, desperate to memorize every part of him.
God, why wasn’t courage something you could gift? Why wasn’t he enough to make
the fear worth it for Blaine? Why did two broken boys have to be soul mates?
Wouldn’t it have been easier if they could each find somebody that could
actually take care of them?
Kurt couldn’t teach bravery and Blaine couldn’t keep Kurt safe. As long as they
were too helpless to stop the bullying, they wouldn’t be good for each other.
Scratch that, he wouldn’t be good for Blaine. Kurt didn’t need anyone else to
take care of him. He just needed somebody to love him and hold him when things
got too rough.
Kurt wasn’t looking for a hero; he was looking for a lover. Blaine didn’t
understand that yet. He didn’t understand that Kurt wasn’t some damsel in
distress that needed to be saved. Blaine didn’t understand that he could still
be worthy of love even if he wasn’t the knight in shining armor of the story.
Blaine didn’t understand that he could be the knight in shining armor if he’d
just admit to his fear and learn to face it.
He didn’t protest when Blaine pulled at his shirt, untucking it from his jeans.
He continued to cry as achingly soft, reverent hands skimmed across his stomach
followed by sweet kisses that quickly turned into angry bites. Neither of them
wanted this. The thought of being separated was just as gut wrenching for
Blaine as it was for Kurt.
He fisted his hands into Blaine’s hair, knowing that he could never hold on
tight enough for Blaine to feel it in the ways that mattered. So he just bit
his lip as Blaine unbuckled his belt and watched silently as Blaine’s fingers
struggled to figure out the buttons on his pants. After a few more failed
attempts, Blaine growled, frustrated and moved back up his body so they could
crash their lips together, this time much harsher.
Kurt bit at Blaine’s lip, hearing him grunt as his split lip reopened. It was
the taste of copper that brought Kurt back to reality. He couldn’t do this. He
couldn’t lie here and give himself to Blaine, no matter how good it felt. He
couldn’t do it if Blaine was just going to throw this away.
“Stop, stop.”
He pushed Blaine off himself, sitting up just as the agonized sobs took over
him. Blaine’s arms quickly came around him and Kurt fell into them, crying for
what seemed like hours onto his shoulder as Blaine ran gentle hands through his
hair, never once telling him that it would be okay. He knew better than to lie
like that, even if he didn’t yet know how to be completely honest.
“Why?” Kurt whispered, so defeated but still holding on like an idiot. Still
thinking maybe, if he just found the right words, the right actions, maybe he
could convince him otherwise.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, but never said what he was sorry for. Kurt wondered if
he really knew all the ways he was killing Kurt.
God, the person you love shouldn’t be able to hurt you worse than your enemies,
Kurt thought. He’d never felt like this before. This was worse than being
kissed by Karofsky and having his life threatened. This was his heart at stake
and that was so much more painful.
“If Jackson hadn’t—” Kurt started but was cut off by Blaine’s finger to his
lips.
“Then somebody else would,” he said with a shake of his head like he’d already
had this conversation with himself countless times. “I’m not good for you and
we would have figured that out sooner or later.”
Kurt wanted to argue with him, but he knew that nothing he said would get
through to Blaine. Maybe actions could speak louder than words though, he
thought. So Kurt lifted his head from Blaine’s shoulder and gently grabbed at
the back of his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. He did his best to
communicate just how much he cared into the kiss. He forced Blaine to keep it
gentle this time, not allowing him to use the two of them together as a way to
punish himself later. If Blaine was going to turn him away, he was going to do
it with the memory that Kurt was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Kurt pulled Blaine to his feet and led him towards the bed, never letting their
lips separate long enough for Blaine to really think about what they were
doing. As they fell back into the pillows and Kurt got Blaine’s shirt off him,
Blaine pulled back, shaking his head frantically. He could see Blaine arguing
with himself, telling himself not to want this. Well Kurt wasn’t going to allow
that.
“I can’t,” Blaine said as Kurt moved to suck at his pulse point.
“Why not?” he asked, letting his hand fall to where Blaine was hard in his
sweatpants. As soon as Kurt felt his hard on and heard him gasp, he remembered
how powerless Blaine was with just the right combination of words and touches.
“We shouldn’t… we can’t,” he argued as he half-heartedly tried to swat Kurt’s
hand away.
“Blaine,” Kurt pulled back, looking at him seriously. “Tell me you honestly
want me to stop and I’ll stop, but I want this and you can have it. Just let
me?”
Blaine didn’t respond, except to trail his fingers over his chest absently.
Kurt waited patiently, letting Blaine think over whatever it was he had to work
through. Kurt was still breathing heavily from the crying earlier and now the
kissing. He tried not to moan as Blaine’s little finger managed to catch over
one of his nipples, but Blaine noticed. He looked up at Kurt through the tops
of his long lashes and everything seemed to click into place for them.
They were kissing again, frantic and pulling at the rest of their clothes until
they were naked and completely hard, rutting against each other. It wasn’t
Kurt’s best plan. This moment was exactly the reason his father had given him a
sex talk. He couldn’t care less. Not in this moment. Blaine was holding onto
him, wanting him. It was going to be gone soon and Kurt just needed to
experience everything he could get from him before that happened.
Who knew, maybe if Kurt was good enough, Blaine would change his mind.
They moaned into one another as they found a comfortable rhythm to rock to.
Blaine’s hands were gripping at Kurt, lifting him off the bed in an attempt to
get closer. Kurt could feel the uncomfortable ache from the bruise on his back
he’d gotten yesterday, but that ache was easy to ignore when the one in his
cock was so much more pressing.
“More,” he gasped as Blaine’s fingers passed over his hole.
Kurt took hold of Blaine’s dick and tried to shuffle them until it was pressing
at his entrance, needing to feel more. Needing to feel all of Blaine so that
they could be complete. He felt broken and he just needed this to fix them. He
remembered being told sex never solved problems by teachers before, but he’s
pretty sure that was just because they’d never had sex with Blaine. Right in
this moment, it seemed like the most logical way to fix each other. It was the
perfect solution.
Blaine couldn’t turn him away after this, right?
“Lube,” Blaine panted heavily, pulling away for a moment to dig a condom and a
bottle of lube out of his nightstand. Blaine moved back to him and fumbled with
the bottle, dropping it multiple times before Kurt finally sat up to help him,
giving him a curious look.
“I’ve never actually done it like this,” Blaine whispered, surprising Kurt
completely.
“You’ve never had sex?” he asked, surprised.
“No, I have… It’s just that, I guess nobody’s ever wanted me to… I
didn’t...I’ve never done the actual entering,” he confessed, blushing heavily.
Kurt knew there was a story behind his fumbling and sudden loss of confidence,
but he knew if he stopped and asked about it they would be brought back to
reality too soon, so Kurt ignored it. He felt bad, but this was a game of self-
preservation at the moment and Kurt just couldn’t afford to stop. Not right
now.
It took several minutes to open Kurt up, and in that time Kurt started feeling
drunk off lust and desperation. He assumed that’s what made him slip up and
finally confess the words he’d been holding onto for awhile now.
“I love you,” he said as another shot of pleasure went through his body as
Blaine brushed up against his prostate.
Blaine’s hand froze the second the words left Kurt’s mouth and he looked at
him, trying to gauge how serious Kurt was. He did his best not to flinch under
Blaine’s gaze. If they were really about to have sex, he needed Blaine to know
that his feelings were real. That he was in love with him. He needed to give
Blaine the chance to say it back.
“You shouldn’t,” was the only response he gave. It was said, so full of emotion
that his voice was high and quivering. Kurt knew that it wasn’t an I love you.
That it was his chance to stop this, but he didn’t. He simply told Blaine to
shut up and kissed him, then gave him permission to fuck him thoroughly.
They were both crying before they could even get started and neither one lasted
particularly long before they came. It was painfully obvious the second Blaine
pulled out of him that sex had fixed absolutely nothing. In fact, it had made
things worse. Now Kurt didn’t just feel rejected, he felt dirty. He’d given
away something that was supposed to be special to a boy that didn’t love him
enough to fight for him.
He’d practically begged for Blaine to take the last of his virginity and Blaine
had. He’d taken it and hadn’t even had the decency to be honest about his
feelings. Blaine hadn’t said it back.
Oh god. Blaine hadn’t even said it back.
How could he be so pathetic? So stupid and desperate for love?
Kurt rolled out of bed and started searching for his clothes needing to be
dressed and out of the house as soon as possible. He couldn’t even meet
Blaine’s eyes. He just felt so used. He tripped as he pulled his jeans on, but
he didn’t stop, even when Blaine asked him to. He was crying, sobbing really
and so was Blaine. Neither of them were under the assumption that this was a
good decision on their part.
You will get through this, he reminded himself. He just had to get out of this
house and away from Blaine and he’d figure out a way to pull himself together
again. He’d thought his world was going to end before—first when his mother had
died then again when his dad had a heart attack—it never did. Somehow Kurt
always found his wings again and learned to fly. He’d do it again, even if it
killed him to leave Blaine behind, knowing the boy he loved might never be
fixed.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you need,” Blaine apologized, watching him sadly
from his spot on the bed.
“You could, you just don’t want to be,” Kurt said bitterly.
Kurt could see Blaine starting to argue, wanting to say that he wanted this,
but he quickly shut his mouth. Maybe he thought it would be better if Kurt had
a reason to be angry at him. Maybe he just never learned to vocalize what he
wanted. Maybe he really didn’t care at all and Kurt had just been fooling
himself all along.
What if it was all a lie? He thought, feeling like he might throw up.
Regardless of Blaine’s reason, Kurt knew he couldn’t be with somebody that
could take something so special without being willing to give in return. Kurt
knew he couldn’t be with somebody that he gave to without a second thought. It
wasn’t only Blaine’s fault that they’d had sex, but Kurt didn’t think he’d have
made such a careless mistake for anybody else. He’d just wanted Blaine to love
him.
Was he really that naive? He had sex with Blaine thinking it would make Blaine
love him. He was one of those sad girls that always showed up on CW dramas,
sleeping with boys thinking that was the only way to make them want them. It
didn’t earn them respect or love; it just made them whores.
This wasn’t the person he wanted to become. He had to let Blaine go. He
deserved better than this. Maybe one day that better would be Blaine, maybe it
wouldn’t. For now, he couldn’t stay here. Not anymore.
Without a backwards glance, Kurt left the room and ran down the stairs, not
looking back to see if Blaine cared enough to try and follow him out. He shoved
his feet into his shoes and didn’t stop to lace them up he didn’t even bother
trying to put on his coat before running out to his car. He dropped his keys
three times before he got the door unlocked. There was plenty of time for
Blaine to catch him before he left, but the front door to the house remained
closed.
Blaine was just going to let him go.
He climbed into his car and willed himself to keep it together. His shaky
fingers managed to get the key into the ignition and he turned on the car. He
told himself not to look to Blaine’s window as he pulled out of the driveway.
He knew no matter what he saw—closed curtains or hazel eyes—it would break him.
He made it out of the neighborhood before he lost his control and the sobs of
shame overtook his body.
He pulled over to the side of the road and at least remembered himself long
enough to turn on his flashers. It wouldn’t do to get hit by a car out here,
even if death seemed more peaceful at the moment then living through this
heartbreak. He screamed, punched the steering wheel, cried out in agony, rubbed
at his body frantically trying to feel clean again—nothing helped. Nothing ever
could help.
His phone rang once. He silenced it. It rang again. Then it rang again. It
seemed to ring non-stop. The melodies of Travis (a ringtone Blaine had made
special just for Kurt) filled his car and made him sob hard enough to start
gagging. He kept hearing the stupid chorus over and over on repeat making him
feel even more foolish.
Love wouldn’t come through. Love was stupid. It wasn’t waiting for anyone, it
didn’t exist. If it did? It was clearly some cruel joke. Hadn’t his father
loved his mother before he’d had to watch her die? If that was what he had to
look forward to, if today with Blaine was love… Well what was the point?
It wasn’t until the fifth ring that Kurt realized it wasn’t ringing nonstop, it
had only rung once every half hour. He’d been sitting in his cold car, no heat,
teeth chattering from the cold, for well over two hours. He hadn’t even
noticed.
“What more is there to say?” he finally answered the phone, his words laced in
steel. He needed to have his armor on. That was all part of surviving, never
letting people see that they’d gotten to you. Wasn’t that the first thing he
had learned?
“Did you get home alright?” Blaine asked, slightly shocked Kurt had picked up,
but concerned as well. Kurt rolled his eyes; he didn’t get to act like he
cared.
“Yes,” he lied.
“Kurt,” Blaine said patiently, clearly seeing through his lie. “You shouldn’t
be driving in your condition.”
“Is that why you keep calling? You want to act all concerned so you don’t have
to feel like a jackass for what you’ve done?” he asked, not holding back any
punches. He’d just spend the last two and a half hours crying on the side of
the road. He wasn’t going to concern himself with anyone’s feelings but his
own.
“I’d hate to see you get in an accident because of this,” Blaine said
carefully.
Kurt laughed, humorlessly. “Well you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
“Kurt…”
“I should have listened to Finn when he told me to stay away from you,” Kurt
said.
He could hear Blaine’s sharp intake of breath. Even several blocks away from
each other, with only a phone line to keep them connected, Kurt could sense the
shift in Blaine. He’s struck a very sensitive nerve and he knew it. He’d pushed
that button. Blaine didn’t get to act all mature about this, like Kurt had
misunderstood their arrangement. Blaine deserved to hurt as much as he did.
“Obviously,” he said, sounding cold and detached. Kurt had only ever heard him
use that tone with Finn and those football boys from last night. He’d never
imagined Blaine would need to use it with him. “He was right wasn’t he? I got
your virginity and that’s all that matters right? It’s always about sex. I’m
such a whore I don’t want anything else.”
“I can’t believe I slept with you,” Kurt said, feeling the sting of Blaine’s
words like a hundred stab wounds to his gut.
“Oh, but you did. You begged for it,” he said, not even sounding like himself.
“I’ve got the tape to prove it.”
A part of Kurt knew this was Blaine’s defense. He, like Kurt, had grown up
having to protect himself. He’d learned to use words in ways that bit and ate
away at others insecurities to keep himself safe. Self-preservation, that was
all this was. It didn’t make it remotely okay though.
“Yeah? Well I’ve got that tape now you jackass and your right hand is going to
be the only thing you have to keep you company at night, because as long as you
act like this? You’re going to be alone and miserable for the rest of your life
playing sex games with straight boys because nobody will ever really love you
when you act like this.”
Kurt hung up the phone before he could hear whatever clever retort Blaine was
sure to come up with. He hung up the phone before either of them broke down. He
didn’t know if he could handle hearing Blaine cry and he certainly wasn’t going
to let Blaine hear him cry anymore.
He threw his phone onto the passenger side seat violently then leaned back in
his seat, covering his face with his hands. How had this all gone so wrong so
fast? He turned his car battery on, turning up the volume of his radio loud so
he could drown out his thoughts. He didn’t want to deal with any of this
anymore. He didn’t want to hear the Blaine that he knew whispering sweet words
and promises into his ear. He didn’t want to hear this Blaine hitting him with
insults. He didn’t want any of it. He just wanted to go back in time before
he’d ever met Blaine Anderson.
Maybe if he could drown in Cee Lo Green and Nicki Minaj long enough, he could
at least pretend that was possible. Anything more indie or heartfelt than that
would start reminding him of the person he needed to forget…
After a few songs, he was able to start composing himself. His chest still
burned, his ass still ached with every movement in a way that wouldn’t let him
forget what had happened that afternoon—but he could cover it up. Nobody would
have to see him like this. There might not be a cure for his hurt, but that
didn’t mean he had to share it with people.
He was never more thankful for his ability to cover his emotions than in that
moment, because that was when his father decided to knock loudly on his window,
nearly giving him a heart attack.
“What are you doing here?” Kurt asked, rolling down the window so they could
talk.
“Get out, you’re not driving,” Burt commanded, pointing to the passenger side
seat.
Kurt looked around confused, not even sure where he’d come from. That was when
he noticed Finn in his dad’s truck behind them. He pulled out and waved to both
of them, leaving them to talk alone.
“Dad?” Kurt asked again when his father opened the door.
“Over, kiddo,” Burt said, this time more gently, but still leaving no room for
argument.
Kurt crawled over the center console, still confused as to what was happening.
How had his dad even known where he was?
His dad climbed into the car and turned on the engine, cranking the heat up all
the way and flipping all the vents to face Kurt, who hadn’t realized until that
moment how badly he was shivering.
“Blaine told me to come and find you,” he explained, giving Kurt a sympathetic
look. Kurt couldn’t help but snort, of course he had. Blaine couldn’t just
leave him alone, could he?
“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Burt asked.
“Not really,” Kurt said, picking up his phone and pretending to text somebody
so that he wouldn’t have to look at his dad.
“Listen to me,” he dad said, yanking the phone out of his hands and grabbing
Kurt’s chin to make him look at him. “I know you two got in a fight or
something. It probably seems like the end of the world and something your old
man couldn’t possibly understand, right?”
Kurt rolled his eyes, but didn’t answer. It wasn’t that he didn’t think his dad
would understand, it was that he didn’t want to have to tell him.
“Whatever it is that has you so upset, I’m sure you two will work it out,” he
said gently. “That boy looks at you like you like you’re holding the last
bottle of water after forty days in the desert.”
“We’re not going to work it out, Dad,” Kurt said bitterly.
His dad didn’t say anything; he just looked at him and waited for him to
continue. Kurt could tell that he wasn’t going to be allowed out of this one,
so he sucked in a deep breath and decided to explain. Well, explain most of it,
there were certain things, like his virginity, that he figured his father never
needed to know.
“There are some guys at school that are trying to mess with Blaine,” Kurt
explained, staring out the window, trying to turn his emotions off. He’d cried
over this enough. “They told him since they couldn’t get to him; they were
going to start harassing me instead since it was obvious Blaine liked me.”
His dad sucked in a breath, but didn’t interrupt, otherwise.
“Last night, those guys showed up to the party and didn’t like the fact that
two boys were there together,” Kurt explained, knowing this would be the part
of the story that would make his dad loose his cool. “Nothing happened to me. I
got thrown around a bit but I’m perfectly fine… Blaine fought them off. He
roughed one of them up pretty bad to scare them off. One day Blaine’s happy to
be with me and doesn’t care who knows it, the next he’s pretending like he
doesn’t care about me and is pushing me away.”
“He’s just trying to keep you safe, kiddo,” Burt explained, though Kurt could
see he didn’t sound terribly upset over the whole thing.
“You think Blaine was right to break it off,” Kurt said, horrified that his own
father was happy about this. His dad thought Blaine was right to end it.
“He’s scared, Kurt,” his dad said in that voice he used when he thought Kurt
was being overdramatic. “He has a right to be, we don’t exactly live in San
Francisco here.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Kurt asked, thinking back to the conversation
they’d had only a few days ago. His father knew how much he’d been harassed for
being gay. He knew about the death threats, the locker slams and the slushies.
“I’m not saying I don’t want you to be happy,” he explained, pinching the
bridge of his nose like he was getting a headache. “I do. But at what cost
Kurt? You already told me you’re having trouble at school and that was before
you and Blaine even started dating or whatever you kids are calling it. Maybe
Blaine’s doing the right thing.”
“By lying to me and pretending like none of it matters?” Kurt asked, not
believing a word he was hearing. “Like I somehow made this all up in my head?
No! How can you take his side on this? He’s acting like he doesn’t even care
about me. Maybe he doesn’t care about me!”
“That boy called me up crying, asking me to come and find you because he was
worried you wouldn’t make it home safe,” Burt snapped at him. “Shit, how long
were you even sitting out here in the cold without the heat on? Your lips were
blue!”
He rarely saw his dad lose his cool and he couldn’t quite tell why he was
losing it now. He didn’t know if he was losing his patience with him, or if it
was the general frustration of not being able to help when Kurt was constantly
being hit with so much hate in the world.
“I’m not taking his side,” Burt said, quieter after a calming breath. “I’m just
saying, he’s a kid, too. This is probably just as overwhelming for him as it is
for you.”
“I’m sure,” Kurt said bitterly.
“He’ll come around,” he said, patting Kurt’s shoulder.
“You wouldn’t be on his side if you knew that he slept with me this afternoon,”
Kurt said, unable to stop the bitter remark from coming out of his mouth.
“Perfect Blaine Anderson slept with me knowing full well that he was going to
break it off no matter what.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, all the anger he had at his dad faded and
all he was left with was the pain and sorrow. He’d lost Blaine. The image he’d
had of Blaine in his mind, perfect and sweet was gone and now he got to see his
dad lose that image of Blaine, too. Burt looked stunned.
Kurt could understand why, it was one thing to comfort your son over a fight
with his not-a-boyfriend. It was a completely different thing to hear he’d just
had sex. Kurt didn’t quite know how it had ended up like this either. How had
Kurt let it get this far, how had Blaine? Maybe his dad was right, they were
both kids. They didn’t understand the ramifications of sex and they certainly
shouldn’t have been having it without making sure they were more solid. He
should have waited. He should have been with Blaine for months before he even
considered doing more than kissing.
He started crying and was pulled into his dad’s arms. “Okay. Okay,” Burt
repeated, running his fingers through Kurt’s hair. “No more Blaine. Got it.
It’s okay.”
Kurt continued to cry as he began to picture his life without Blaine. He hadn’t
been Kurt’s friend for long, but his impact would be strong enough to make this
pain last a long time.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” Burt reassured him. Kurt wasn’t sure how that
could be true. He was pretty sure nothing would ever be okay again.
***** Blaine Interlude 13.5 *****
Chapter Notes
     Additional warnings for this chapter: While this chapter doesn't
     contain non-con in any way or an attempt at non-con, the ending of
     this chapter could be taken as such and triggering, so if you are
     sensitive to that kind of thing, please send me a message and I'm
     happy to send you and edited chapter.
Blaine’s iPod was currently blasting “Make Me Wanna Die” by The Pretty Reckless
on repeat because it was the only song he could find that had lyrics he could
relate to while not being remotely pretty. He didn’t want a beautiful piano. He
didn’t deserve a soft, melodic voice. He deserved something much harsher after
what he’d done to Kurt.
It’s why the record player Kurt had fixed for him had been shoved back into his
closet. He shouldn’t get to have beautiful things. Not after what he’d done.
What he had to do. It wasn’t like he wanted this, but what was he supposed to
do? Put them both in danger just so they could be together? That might sound
romantic in theory or some stupid Twilight novel, but in reality it wasn’t even
remotely romantic. It was selfish and wrong.
Taylor Momsen might be a lot of things that Blaine rolled his eyes at when she
walked around in bras and started her own band, but she got one thing
right—having everything only really mattered until somebody came along and
showed you that everything wasn’t worth a damn thing. Kurt was perfect and
innocent and Blaine wasn’t any of those things. He would only ruin Kurt in the
long run. This was for the best.
That didn’t mean he liked it. That didn’t mean ending it and lying about not
wanting Kurt in that way hadn’t made him want to die.
“What the fuck, dude,” Puck said, coming into the room to see him laying in his
bed, covers still completely covering his head. “You haven’t picked up your
phone since the party. You completely missed swim practice this morning and
currently we’re both missing first period.”
“Go away,” he said, not even lifting his head to look at his friend. It took
too much effort.
“Please tell me you aren’t crying over some guy,” Puck said, turning off his
music so they wouldn’t have to shout at each other.
“If you laugh at me, I’ll punch you in the balls,” Blaine threatened, still not
leaving his cocoon of blankets. “I never once said anything when you cried over
Quinn last year.”
Blaine felt the bed shift and a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind. He
pulled the covers down so he could see what was happening and fought back a
laugh as he watched Puck try and spoon him uncomfortably.
“What are you doing?” Blaine asked, cracking the smallest of smiles, the first
he’d smiled since the dreadful New Year’s Eve party.
“Isn’t this what your people do when you’re upset?” Puck asked. “Was I supposed
to bring ice cream or something? A Cher CD?”
“Puck…” Blaine trailed off giving him a look that meant he was being
unintentionally offensive again.
“Right, sorry,” Puck apologized, letting him go and moving to get out of bed.
“I can go. I just thought—”
“No,” Blaine said quickly before he could take it back. “It’s okay. I don’t
like feeling alone.”
“Aww, come ‘ere my little gay cupcake,” Puck laughed, crawling back into bed
with Blaine.
“Fuck you,” Blaine said, but rolled over to cuddle up to Puck’s side.
Puck didn’t complain when Blaine used his shoulder as a pillow. Instead, he
wrapped one arm around Blaine’s shoulder and grabbed the remote with the other
like this was any other day. Blaine was never so grateful for a friend like
Puck in his life. While he wasn’t always the most tactful guy in the world, he
was sensitive enough to go out of his comfort zone to make Blaine feel better.
He would never try and force Blaine to talk about things, he would just be
there. He’d listen to him if he needed; knowing Blaine would probably never
tell him what was wrong.
“Guess this means we’re skipping the first day back at school?” Puck asked, not
sounding terribly concerned about his classes. Puck always skipped class, it
was Blaine that usually dragged him to school to make sure he didn’t fail out
and have to be benched.
“I’m sure I’ll learn more from a marathon of Judge Judy than I’ll learn from
any teacher at McKinley,” Blaine said bitterly.
“So it’s gonna be one of those days, huh Anderson?” Puck laughed. “Should we go
get tattoos and pierce our bodies? Wanna post sexy pictures on the internet to
make Daddy notice us?”
Blaine punched him in the stomach as he continued to laugh at him. This was how
Puck was. He wasn’t the best communicator in the world and pretty much always
managed to say the wrong thing, but he was there when it mattered. He was
always there in the ways that counted, which is why he was one of Blaine’s best
friends.
He wasn’t Kurt though… he’d never be able to be there for him in the ways that
Kurt could because Kurt just understood him. Blaine had thrown all that away
though. He’d given up the one good thing he’d had because of the boys at
school. He was too weak to protect the both of them so he’d had to lose the
most perfect thing he’d ever had.
Shit, he needed to get drunk and fast so he could stop feeling like this.
“If we left now, we could grab a late breakfast somewhere and still be in
Chicago by happy hour,” Blaine mused, feeling the all too familiar need to get
out of town. The school was bound to call his parents when he didn’t show up
for class and he really wasn’t in the mood to face his father when he found out
Blaine had missed practice.
“Road trip on a Monday?” Puck asked, not sounding sold. “It sounds lame. Nobody
will even be out.”
“Boystown?” he suggested, hopefully. It was going to be a lot to ask his friend
to drive all the way to Chicago with him on a school day, but he knew of all
his friends, Puck would take the least convincing. “There’s a few clubs that
don’t check IDs too closely and don’t charge cover on Mondays.”
“So you’ll stop crying like a little bitch if I take you to a gay bar?” Puck
asked sounding completely unsympathetic but Blaine knew better. He could see
the curious glint in Puck’s eyes he was hiding behind a smirk.
“Don’t act like you don’t clean up at gay bars, too,” Blaine said with a smile
of his own, thinking back to the one and only time he’d brought Puck to
Scandals and he’d left with the only three women in the bar. “All those older
women there supporting their gay friends.”
“Why not go to Scandals? Or drive up to OSU?” He questioned, but Blaine could
tell he’d already decided to make the trip to Illinois.
Blaine was happy. He could use another boys lips on his own to help wash away
the feeling of Kurt’s perfect ones. If Kurt so happened to find out and
realized Blaine wasn’t the guy for him? All the better. Blaine was bad news, he
might as well play the part and help Kurt get over him quicker.
“Because I don’t want to see the same boys I’ve been running into for the last
two years,” Blaine explained with a roll of his eyes, already mentally going
through his closet for something appropriate to wear. This wasn’t Scandals,
this was Boystown. He was going to need to pull out all the stops. If only Kurt
didn’t still have his red pants...
“I’m down,” Puck said with a shrug. “Just trying to figure out where your
head’s at? Two days ago you were going on and on about love—”
“I never said I loved him,” he cut in but Puck ignored him and kept talking.
“Skipping school and going to a club five hours away isn’t usually your scene.”
“Why don’t you just worry about your head and get out of mine?” Blaine snapped.
Puck never pressured him to talk before and he hoped he wasn’t going to start
now. He hadn’t told him yet what had happened at Mike’s New Year’s party with
Jackson and the guys. That would lead to questions about how Kurt had handled
it and he wasn’t ready to talk about that yet.
“Fine,” he said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “You know coach is gonna
kill us right?”
“What’s she gonna do, bench us?” he asked with a snort, knowing it would never
happen. Even if Coach Roz wanted to bench him, his father would never let that
happen. “The worst we’ll get is extra laps. I can take it. Can you?”
“I can take it,” Puck said defensively.
“Are you sure you’re not too pussy to handle it?” Blaine said, again, mentally
cringing at his crude language but knowing that was how boys talked. He’d
already made Puck do so many things he wasn’t comfortable with this morning,
the least he could do was meet him halfway with an overly-masculine pissing
contest.
“Fuck you,” he spat out with a playful shove. “I can bench twice as much as
you.”
“Maybe, but you’ll never beat me in the lanes,” Blaine teased.
“Somebody’s feeling better,” Puck said, climbing out of bed and pulling Blaine
up with him.
“Chicago men… glorious Chicago men,” Blaine said dreamily as Puck shoved him
into his bathroom to shower.
“So this means you’re over Hummel then?” he asked.
“Don’t talk about him,” Blaine said, suddenly not feeling so excited.
It wasn’t that he’d forgotten about Kurt or the giant pain in his heart, it was
just that, for a moment, he remembered what it was like before Kurt. Before
everything got so complicated. Sex had just been sex and boys were something to
flirt with and share drinks with, they weren’t to fall in love with. Boys
didn’t fall in love with people like Blaine.
“Okay…” Puck trailed off with a laugh as he stood in the bathroom doorway, not
even caring that Blaine was waiting for him to leave so that he could shower.
Puck didn’t bother himself with modesty so why should anyone else. “So that’s
what this is about then? Him I figured it had to be, that or some daddy issue.”
“Drop it,” he said, feeling uncomfortable.
“Wow,” Puck said sarcastically as he crossed his arms. Blaine could tell he
wasn’t impressed.
“Stop,” he said in a warning tone. He didn’t understand why Puck was pushing
him. Why today?
“I didn’t realize he had it in him,” Puck mused.
“Shut your mouth,” he begged, pushing Puck out of the room with both hands.
Puck didn’t fight back, but he didn’t stop talking either.
“So he dumped you?”
“It’s complicated. Can you just go back to being that friend that doesn’t ask
questions and gets drunk with me instead?” Blaine asked, willing his friend to
stop talking about Kurt. Blaine couldn’t handle it if he had to explain what
had happened to somebody else.
“Fine,” Puck said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “You’ll spill your
secrets after a few tequila shots anyway. You always do.”
****
Several hours later, after Blaine finally showered and packed a bag for the
night, after stopping by Puck’s house for his fake ID, after breakfast at a
shitty diner, after four and a half hours in the car, after pizza at the
Original Uno’s, the boys found themselves standing outside of Sidetrack, a gay
bar Blaine has been to only once before with some college boy he barely
remembers now. It had been one of Blaine’s first nights out after transferring
to McKinley. The swim team boys had convinced him to go to a party at Ohio
State which quickly turned into a spur of the moment road trip to Chicago once
the boy he’d been dancing with learned Blaine had never been to a gay bar and
wanted his first experience to be done right. That had been the first night
Blaine had ever really let lose. He’d gotten drunk for the first time and he’d
fooled around with a boy for the first time.
All in all it started something in Blaine that hadn’t really stopped once it
started—masking fear and pain with liquid courage. He noticed that people
seemed to care less when they were drunk and he was more confident with a drink
in his hand. So he went to parties more and continued to drink. He fooled
around with boys he barely knew hoping that he could give somebody a reason to
stay.
That stopped when he met Kurt; paused temporarily, at least. Kurt reminded him
that he could be worthy of love and respect. Blaine didn’t want that tonight
though. He just wanted to forget. So with a booze-heavy slushie in his hand, he
prayed for the same kind of magic of that first night to make him forget.
“I cannot believe you ate an entire Chicago style pizza by yourself, it’s
disgusting,” Blaine said as they waited in line for their IDs to be checked.
“I’m sexy,” Puck said, nodding to a man in his forties checking him out.
Blaine rolled his eyes at the man, wanting to tell him that Puck was straight
but refrained. Instead he responded with, “Nobody is going to think you’re sexy
now that all that pepperoni is going to go straight to your ass.”
“Please, that will only make my ass more desirable, I know you weren’t able to
keep your hands off of it,” he teased.
“One night, one night and you’ll never let me live it down will you?” Blaine
mumbled.
“You’re just jealous because I’ve been checked out by three different guys and
you haven’t,” Puck said, pushing him up in line when it started moving and
Blaine hadn’t noticed.
“That’s because they think we are on a date and you’re terrifying enough that
they don’t want to risk it. I’m still hotter than you,” Blaine said.
“We’ll see. I bet I can get more numbers that you can,” he challenged him.
“It’s moments like this that make me question your sexuality,” Blaine said as
the approached the front of the line and handed their fake IDs over.
Once inside, it hadn’t taken him long to find an attractive twenty-something
man looking to buy him a drink. It had taken an even shorter amount of time for
Puck to locate one of only four women in the bar and buy her a drink. It had
taken three drinks and six songs, however, for Blaine’s fake smile to become a
real one. An alcohol-induced, yet genuine, smile.
The bar was having its famous Show Tunes Monday. Every screen in the place was
showing videos of classics like Madonna singing ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina’,
Patti LuPone’s ‘I Dreamed A Dream’, and Beyonce and the rest of the Dreamgirls
singing the title track ‘Dreamgirls’. It was Broadway heaven with every gay man
in the bar belting out the lyrics, groups of drunken men doing choreography,
and everyone laughing and having fun. It was a nice place to be, somewhere
Blaine could feel at home, even if Puck was judging him slightly for knowing
all the words to a song from Wicked.
It was easy to forget about McKinley, his dad, and even everything that had
happened when they’d lived in Westerville, when all around him were grown men
being open and honest about who they were and loving each other because of it.
He didn’t have to be scared here. He didn’t have to be alone.
He could be with Kurt here.
“My gay-card is gonna need to be revoked, I don’t know this one,” one of the
older gentlemen beside them said as a familiar tune started playing.
Blaine was distracted from his sudden downward thoughts as Shane, the twenty-
something man he’d been drinking with, turned to him and smiled, beginning to
sing ‘What You Want’. He started laughing at the surprised and curious glances
they got from all the older men around them.
“Legally Blonde?” Blaine asked giving them an amused look. “You guys are
probably too old for this one.”
Then Blaine surprised himself, letting himself be dragged into a corner by the
older men where there was enough space for Shane and him to perform the song.
He let himself let loose and start to sing the song, belt the song really. He
was shocked with how comfortable he was with all eyes on him when he danced and
performed the song. While he knew he wasn’t anywhere on Laura Bell Bundy’s
level, he could admit he wasn’t horrible. If the twenty or so eyes and camera
phones on them were any indication, the crowd thought so as well and more and
more people were turning around to watch them.
The song was a little silly and he couldn’t help but laugh as a few more
younger men came over to join them in their performance. It was fun. He was
actually enjoying himself. Maybe Kurt had been right all along, he was meant to
perform.
It was a long song, eight and a half minutes to be exact, and when it finally
ended to a loud round of applause they were all out of breath but laughing.
Shane went off in search of another drink and promised to be back soon.
“Well that was the gayest thing I’ve ever seen you do and I’ve seen you give
another man a blow job before,” Puck teased, handing him another beer. “I was
beginning to question your sexuality, but now I know you’re as gay as a unicorn
riding a man jumping over a rainbow. I’m not worried anymore.”
“Scared I’d steal all the women from you?” Blaine asked, trying to sound
casual.
Inside he was freaking out and so completely confused. He’d been sure that Puck
would change his mind about Blaine the second he realized he wasn’t just a
manly jock that swore, throw a punch and happened to kiss boys. He was sure the
second Puck realized he liked show tunes and Vogue, that he was gay-gay he
would be freaked out. That didn’t seem to be the case.
“Fuck,” Blaine said, suddenly realizing just how epically he’d messed up with
Kurt. “Shit, mother fucking shit!” he yelled.
Blaine didn’t bother to stay and answer Puck’s questions about what was wrong.
He was pulling his phone out of his pocket and heading towards the bathrooms
where it was quieter, needing to call Kurt. Needing to admit his mistake and
beg his friend to forgive him. If Puck could accept Blaine as he was, then
everyone else could, too. If he could get enough people behind him, then what
could a few of Finn’s lackeys really do to them?
“Please pick up,” Blaine begged as the phone continued to ring. He knew it was
late. It was almost 1AM and Kurt was probably sleeping, but he needed to talk
to him. He needed to fix this immediately.
“You’ve reached Kurt Hummel, I’m unavailable right now…”
Blaine cursed as Kurt’s inbox message played out. He would have to settle for a
message. Kurt would listen to it when he woke up. That was the best that he
could hope for at the moment since he was all the way in Chicago and couldn’t
exactly show up at the Hummel-Hudson house this late anyway.
“Kurt, it’s Blaine. I know you’re mad at me and you should be. I’m a jerk, an
epic jerk and you should hate me. I hate me,” Blaine drunkenly rambled into the
phone. “But I’m sorry. You were right, I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared, but I
don’t have to be. We can be together and you can help me be brave and I’ll just
beat up Jackson anytime he tries to hurt you and it will be alright. We’ll be
fine. We can be together because I think I’m really starting to fall—”
Blaine had been about to say he was falling in love with Kurt when a pair of
arms wrapped around him from behind.
“Hey baby, that your boyfriend,” Shane said close enough that Blaine knew it
would be heard on Kurt’s message. He’d have to delete it now and start over.
“Yes,” Blaine said sharply, pulling out of Shane’s arms. Arms that had been so
welcome a few minutes ago, but now just felt dirty around him. He was sick of
being used like a sex toy to older men. While it used to be fun, it was just
degrading now that he knew it could be so much better. It was so much better;
with Kurt it was better.
Shane ripped the phone out of his hands with a leering smile Blaine was pretty
sure was supposed to be cute.
“So sorry, love,” Shane said into the phone, causing Blaine to panic. Whatever
was about to happen was going to be bad. “I’m about to give your boyfriend
here, who I’ve been dancing with all night, a blow job. You really should know
better than to leave a cute ass like that unattended.”
Blaine’s eyes widened in horror and his jaw dropped as he watched Shane hang
up, effectively taking away Blaine’s option of deleting the message.
“What the hell!” Blaine yelled, yanking his phone out of Shane’s hands and
staring down at the words Call Ended, willing them to disappear so he could
delete the message.
“Baby, you know if he was really that great of a boyfriend you wouldn’t have
spent the entire night laughing and enjoying my company,” Shane said with a
confident shrug. “I did you a favor. Now I’m going to do you another one.”
He pushed Blaine backwards until his back hit the wall and started running his
hands up and down Blaine’s sides in a predatory manner.
“You didn’t do me a favor,” Blaine argued, pushing him away.
“You can’t just come to a place like this and flirt with another man when you
have a boyfriend then get upset,” Shane said, growing angry. Blaine felt his
heartbeat quicken and hoped he wouldn’t have to punch this guy out in his
drunken state. He could do it, but he didn’t want to risk getting arrested
while underage, drunk and in a club.
“We’re all adults here,” Shane said, reminding Blaine that he had no idea just
how young he was. “You can’t have a man buy you a drink then not return the
favor.”
“Fine,” Blaine said, uncrossing his arms and fisting his hands, preparing
himself for a fight. “I’ll pay you back for the drinks. But let’s not pretend
like you did me any favors here.”
Blaine feels another set of hands move around his waist and he’s about to punch
the guy because seriously, why did everyone think they could get a free pass
with him tonight, but he calmed down when he heard the familiar voice.
“I think it’s time you left me and my boyfriend alone,” Puck said, nuzzling
into Blaine’s neck to further emphasize the boyfriend part.
“This is your boyfriend?” Shane asked, outraged. “He’s watched me dance with
you all night!’
“What can I saw, I’m a kinky mother fucker that gets off on it,” Puck said with
a laugh. “But I’m the only one that gets to touch him like that, so I suggest
you run along.”
“Fucking tease,” Shane called out as he stormed off, leaving the two of them
alone.
“Thanks,” Blaine said, moving out of Puck’s arms to turn around and look at
him.
“Don’t mention it,” Puck said. “Seriously, don’t.”
“Ready to get out of here?” Blaine asked, eyeing the back door located at the
end of the hallway.
Puck nodded and they both headed out, not bothering to look back. Once they
were outside, Puck looked over at him and smiled before throwing his arms
around Blaine’s shoulders.
“Several guys grabbed my ass and told me I was hot,” Puck said with a knowing
look. Blaine could tell he was doing his best to distract Blaine away from what
had just happened. “You can stop pretending I’m not ever gay man’s dream.”
“Whatever you say there Puckerman,” Blaine said, grateful that Puck wasn’t
going to talk about what he’d seen.
“Just keep your hands to yourself tonight,” Puck teased. “I know how cuddly you
get when you’re drunk and I don’t need to wake up tomorrow to your morning wood
when you fantasize about me.”
“Then I guess you should have sprung for two beds.”
***** Chapter 14 *****
“Dad, I promise you that this isn’t necessary,” Kurt said nervously as he stood
by the door about to go to school.
His dad had been relatively quiet on the matter the night before when he’d had
to come and pick Kurt up after his emotional breakdown on the side of the road.
He’d only really asked Kurt if they’d used protection and if everything had
been consensual, then he’d let Kurt go to bed early without another word. Kurt
had been impressed at the time. He saw now that his dad had only been saving it
up for when Kurt wasn’t crying quite as much.
“And I can promise you that it is,” Burt said as he yelled up the stairs for
Finn to hurry up while simultaneously tying his boots. Burt was planning on
going to school with the boys so that he could take Kurt to the principal’s
office to demand that something be done about the bullying.
“It’s really, really not,” he pleaded. “In fact, it’ll just make things worse.
Please just stay out of it.”
“Kurt, you told me yourself that you’ve been getting bullied at school and
yesterday you said that you almost got beat up at that New Year’s Eve party.
This is completely necessary,” Burt said, yelling for Finn again, impatiently.
“Dad—”
“Look at me, Kiddo,” Burt said, putting his hand on Kurt’s shoulder just as
Finn came tumbling down the stairs with his shoes only half on his feet. “You
have just as much right to that school as any other kid. I really don’t like
the fact that these boys are making threats to you and that the only reason you
didn’t get beat up was because Blaine beat somebody up first. The
administration should be protecting you. Somebody besides Blaine should be
protecting you.” He gave a pointed look at Finn who hung his head in shame and
mumbled an apology.
“It’s just so embarrassing,” Kurt groaned as they made their way out to his
dad’s truck.
Apparently his dad driving them to school would somehow make Kurt safer? Kurt
wasn’t sold on the logic of that. He thought this was his dad’s way of
punishing him for having sex. He’d take away his car and suddenly Kurt wouldn’t
be able to go anywhere but home and school. Like that was going to be the
reason Kurt wasn’t having sex anymore. It had nothing to do with how Blaine had
dumped him.
“I’m in high school,” he continued. “I don’t exactly need my dad to come
storming in every time I have a problem.”
“When was the last time you ever let me solve one of your problems before?”
Burt said with a snort. “And what’s embarrassing is that school’s lack of anti-
bullying policies. A father that cares enough to fight for your safety isn’t
embarrassing.”
“I do love you,” Kurt clarified as he played with the radio in his dad’s car.
There was only so much John Mellencamp he could listen to in his current mood.
He shared a smile with his dad before Kurt added, “Even if I still don’t want
you to do this.”
“It’ll be alright,” Burt reassured him. “I’m not gonna let anything else happen
to you. I just wish you had told me about this sooner. I wish I had known when
it got bad at your old school.”
He just shrugged. He’d never really felt comfortable talking to his dad about
the bullying. When he was young, his mother was the one to pick him up whenever
somebody would call him a mean name in preschool for wanting to dress up the
Ken dolls instead of playing Cops and Robbers with the other boys. Once his mom
died, he never wanted to stress his dad out when his dad was clearly having a
hard time keeping them afloat under all his mom’s medical expenses. Eventually,
he realized he was gay and that if he told his father how the other kids teased
him and pushed him around, his father would figure out he was gay.
Even after he’d come out and realized his dad wasn’t going to stop loving him
for it, he never quite learned to go to his dad with his problems. He was an
independent kid. He’d made it so far on his own, he didn’t need to start coming
to his dad now. Of course, he couldn’t say any of that to his father without
him feeling guilty for not being there before. They drove the rest of the way
in silence.
Kurt was surprised that Finn wasn’t complaining about Kurt’s choice of music
like he usually did, but then again he could barely meet anyone’s eyes. If Kurt
had to wager a guess, he was pretty sure Finn had gotten an earful about Kurt’s
bullying the night before when Kurt had been sleeping and none the wiser.
Obviously, it was Finn’s job to keep him safe. Kurt couldn’t have done that on
his own. It wasn’t as if Finn’s friends had done this to him.
Not that Kurt was bitter or anything.
He wanted to believe that his dad could fix this for him. He spent the car ride
thinking of how his father would storm into Figgins’ office and the principal
would immediately apologize and implement an anti-bullying policy. He’d have a
bodyguard patrolling the halls during passing periods. They’d force the school
to start a Gay-Straight Alliance and make the bullies go to meetings and the
school would become better for it. It’d be embarrassing, but all the hate would
stop. It’d be worth it.
That fantasy was killed almost as soon as they sat down in the principal’s
office.
“I’m sorry Mr. Hummel, but given the fact that this alleged attack happened off
school property, there’s nothing the school can do,” Figgins explained.
“And what about the police? What will the news stations say when they find out
this school is fostering violent behavior that would be considered a hate crime
in better states?” Burt asked, refusing to back down. Kurt was happy to have
him on his side.
He was also happy he’d never done anything bad enough to warrant that tone in
his dad’s voice being directed at him. It was terrifying. More terrifying than
the time that he’d misread the price on a jacket he’d wanted and put $1,000 on
his dad’s credit card instead of the $100 they’d agreed on.
“I sympathize with you, I do,” Figgins said. “But I have to tell you, without
substantial evidence the police won’t do anything about it and if you go to the
news stations those boys’s families will likely come after you for slander. We
don’t live in a better state. This is just the way these things go. I wish I
could help you, but my hands are tied.”
“And what about all the things that have happened on school property?” Burt
asked. “My kid’s had to buy a new wardrobe because half his shirts are stained
with the slushies kids throw like it’s confetti at the Superbowl.”
“These are kids, Mr. Hummel,” Figgins explained. “Practical jokes are bound to
happen. I’m sure they didn’t mean any harm and slushies aren’t listed as
contraband goods in the student code of conduct. I can’t confiscate every
student with a beverage.”
“You think they slushied me in good fun?” Kurt spoke up, suddenly outraged.
“You think this is some joke that I’ve taken too seriously? They’ve pushed me
into lockers. They’ve broken my personal belongings on purpose.”
“People throw slushies every day. I rarely get students in here complaining of
harassment,” Mr. Figgins explained. “As for the other things, I can’t prove
those boys are the ones that did that.”
“And that’s your defense? It happens all the time so it must be okay?” Kurt
said. He was frustrated. What kind of a school didn’t see a need to protect its
students? “You don’t know who did it so an anti-bullying policy preventing it
from happening at all would be useless?”
“You know what else used to happen all the time? Slavery,” Burt interjected
before Figgins could have a chance to respond. “So that must be okay too right?
Segregation? You think that because it happens all the time it doesn’t affect
my son’s personal rights? Sure he’s as queer as a three dollar bill but that
doesn’t mean he gets to be harassed for it. He could hide it, sure. But that’s
not the point, he shouldn’t have to. He should be allowed to be whoever the
hell he wants to be without having to worrying that some kid is going to break
his arm for it.”
Kurt had never seen his father this worked up before and that was saying
something because this was the man who threw a remote at the TV during Monday
Night Football. It made him feel special. Sure they hadn’t always understood
each other, but his father had his back no matter what. He never once
questioned if what Kurt had told him was true. He just went marching into the
principal’s office looking for blood. As embarrassing as his dad driving him to
school was, Kurt knew he was insanely lucky to have somebody like his dad to
look out for him. It made him wonder what Blaine’s parents had done when
similar things had happened to him at his old school.
Then again, Kurt knew that answer. Blaine had pretty much told him his father
hadn’t cared. He’d told Blaine to go back to the school that hospitalized him
and face his fears like a man.
“Mr. Hummel, as I said before, I’m sorry that your son is having trouble
adjusting to McKinley, but I can’t do anything to help you,” Figgins said. “If
he’s having trouble making friends, maybe he could join some clubs. Our Glee
club here has a reputation for taking the high school rejects and giving them a
home.”
Kurt’s jaw dropped at the offensive comment; stung that even the principal
thought they were all losers, but his dad just grew more angry.
“If you won’t do anything, that’s fine. There’s a private school in Westerville
that has a zero-tolerance policy on bullying where my son will be safe,” Burt
said in a dangerously calm voice.
“Well, we’ll be sorry to see such a bright student go, but if you feel it’s for
the best…” Figgins’ trailed off as if he’d be happy to see this problem go away
simply by Kurt transferring schools. Kurt was going to interject that it was
his job as an educator of a public school to fight for all of his students
regardless of their race or sexuality, but his dad spoke up before he had a
chance.
“Oh no, you don’t understand,” Burt said with a smirk. “The law requires my son
be provided with a free and appropriate education. So he’ll go to Dalton, sure,
but I’ll be suing the school for damages. He can’t go to school here and
private school tuition won’t be cheap That mixed with the expensive wardrobe
that’s been destroyed, broken headphones, scratched car doors, the list of
expenses goes on...It’s not going to look good for a school that’s in debt and
relies pretty heavily on donations from the community to keep it afloat.”
“What are you suggesting, Mr. Hummel?” Figgins asked.
“I’m not suggesting anything, just warning you,” Burt said. “Come on Kurt,
we’re leaving. Go pack up your locker, we’ve got an appointment at Dalton in
two hours.”
“You already made an appointment?” Kurt asked, surprised. They hadn’t even
talked about this yet. Kurt didn’t know if he even wanted to go to a new
school. He had friends here.
Okay, so Blaine wasn’t really his friend anymore, but he had Lauren. He had the
potential to build friendships with the New Directions. He couldn’t just leave
that, could he? He’d barely gone to this school two months.
“I figured your school would be less than willing to act, that’s why I’ve
already called a lawyer who’s happy to bring this case to trial,” Burt
explained. “He said given the circumstances and the fact that an online blog
has video of the school’s star swimmer being almost blinded by a slushie last
year, he has more than enough evidence to win this case. He’s positive if he
starts asking around he’ll get more students to come forward, too.”
“Mr. Hummel, we can talk about this some more,” Figgins said, growing scared.
It was that fear that let Kurt know that his dad was right. They could win
this, if they couldn’t Figgins wouldn’t look so terrified.
Wouldn’t transferring to Dalton to make sure that McKinley finally made some
changes to protect its students be a good thing? He’d be able to help kids like
Lauren who had to learn to wrestle to protect herself. He’d be able to protect
all the ‘rejects’ like the New Directions. Maybe if they could get the school
to change, if they could prove this point, Blaine wouldn’t have to be so scared
all the time.
No, not thinking of Blaine. Blaine didn’t deserve to be thought of after what
had happened, Kurt reminded himself.
“We can,” Burt said condescendingly. “But today I’ve got an appointment and I’m
sure you’ve got a school board to talk to. If you’re going to change school
policy to allow my kid to be safe here, I’m sure you’ll need their full
support.”
They left Figgins behind looking like he’d just been slapped.
“That was surprisingly awesome,” Kurt said with a smile, standing outside of
the office, watching as kids ran to make it in time for the first period bell.
He’d never had anybody stand up for him before like that. It made his heart
warm to know that he wasn’t alone. Even if he was pushed around and picked on
for the rest of his life, he had somebody willing to fight for him.
“I told you before, nobody pushes the Hummel’s around,” Burt said. “Now go pack
up your locker.”
“Are you really sending me to private school?” Kurt asked, looking around at
the hallways that had become his home in the past few months. Sure, they
weren’t all the best memories, but there were some good ones. He’d met Lauren
here. He’d fallen in love here.
Then again, Jackson had promised to make his life a living hell. Even if Blaine
had broken up with him, that didn’t guarantee that he was safe. It didn’t mean
kids like Jackson wouldn’t continue to pick on other students and make their
lives hell.
“You’re not coming back to McKinley, at least for now, and that part’s not up
for discussion,” Burt said. “You need to be safe and you can’t be safe here.
I’m sure the school will change their policy; they can’t afford a lawsuit like
this in today’s economy. Until then, you need an education and I refuse to let
you go here.”
“How can we afford private school?” he asked, thinking back to the expensive
wedding his dad had just had earlier this year and the new house they’d bought.
They’d never been rich to begin with, but now, even with two incomes, he knew
things had to be especially tight.
“I’ve got enough saved up to cover tuition the rest of the year,” Burt
explained. “Carole’s happy to use our money for this. If you have to go there
permanently, our lawyer will make sure the school district pays for your
education. The state is required to offer an education to all minors and your
safety is a basic human right.”
“So I’m changing schools again,” Kurt said, feeling more and more okay with the
situation. Dalton was a school with an anti-bullying policy. He could walk down
the halls without getting thrown around and bruised. It didn’t even sound real,
was such a place even possible?
“Let’s at least check it out,” Burt said, pushing him towards his locker. “If
you hate it, we can talk about homeschooling, but I have a feeling you’ll like
this place.”
“What makes you say that?” Kurt asked, walking towards his locker and opening
it. His dad pulled a plastic bag out of his pocket large enough to fit all of
his stuff. He really had been planning this from the beginning. How many phone
calls had his dad made once he’d fallen asleep last night?
“According to Carole, all the boys in uniform look very dreamy,” Burt said,
batting his eyelashes over dramatically.
“Please don’t ever do or say that again,” Kurt pleaded, covering his face with
his hands, mortified.
****
Dalton, it turned out, was more perfect than Kurt could ever have dreamed of.
While his dad was filling out paperwork with the secretary and arranging a
class schedule that would match the one he’d had at McKinley, Kurt had been
given a tour by two boys who were so obnoxiously in love with each other it
would be sickening, if it wasn’t so fantastic. Seeing two openly gay boys
holding hands while they walked down the hall pointing out various classrooms
gave Kurt hope that there might be a place in the world he was meant to belong.
He didn’t have to wait for New York to be accepted. He could have a home here.
Unfortunately, seeing the two boys together also reminded him that the person
he wanted to be walking hand-in-hand with had dumped him. Coming to Dalton felt
a little bit like running away from Blaine. It felt like he was abandoning him
a little bit. He knew that wasn’t fair. Blaine didn’t deserve his
consideration. He didn’t even want to be with Kurt in public, certainly not at
school, so why did it matter if they went to the same school or not?
It didn’t.
“Do you sing?” Nick, the brunette part of the pair, asked him with an excited
look on his face.
“Um… yes?” Kurt asked, wondering where this was going.
“Nick and I are part of the Warblers,” Jeff said happily like that was supposed
to mean something to him. When he didn’t respond, Jeff continued, “It’s an
acapella group we have at school. It’s pretty much the most popular club on
campus.”
“I think I saw you guys perform at show choir sectionals,” Kurt said, thinking
back to the group he’d seen perform ‘Hey, Soul Sister.’ They’d been good. He
remembered telling Blaine about them.
“You were there?” Nick asked. “We lost to some school that did ‘Valerie.’ They
were good.”
“Nick was better,” Jeff said with a big smile that Kurt was beginning to
realize was infectious. “He sang like a dream. We were robbed.”
“Why were you at a show choir competition?” Nick asked as they showed Kurt the
cafeteria.
“My brother is the lead singer of the New Directions,” Kurt said awkwardly,
hoping they wouldn’t take it personally that his brother was part of the reason
they’d lost the competition.
“You guys were good,” Kurt added, for good measure.
Kurt kind of regretted that he wouldn’t be able to sing in a competition now
that he’d left McKinley a few months before Regionals, he felt a little better
knowing that there was still a decent Glee club at this school.
“Well not everyone thought so,” Nick said with a dark look. “One of our group
members quit when we lost because he thought we would have won if he’d had the
solo.”
“Don’t think about it, Babe,” Jeff said soothingly, making Kurt jealous at the
way Jeff was rubbing Nick’s back. He wanted that with somebody.
“Anyway,” Nick said, directing the conversation back to the main point. “We’re
telling you this because there’s an opening in the group. We’re having
auditions on Friday if you’re interested in joining.”
“Oh, um… sure. I guess,” Kurt said with a shrug.
He wasn’t sure if this was breaking some sort of show choir rule or something.
He’d seen Bring It On 3, he knew that joining one cheer team was like cheating
on the other. Were Glee clubs the same? He’d never even competed with New
Directions and had only been a member of their group for three weeks. Surely he
didn’t owe them anything when he hadn’t been around long enough to even become
friends with any of them.
He’d joined New Directions to get some experience performing before he moved to
New York to become a Broadway star. It made sense for him to join Dalton’s glee
club as well, even if he wasn’t sure how long he’d have to go to school here.
“I’ve never sung acapella before,” Kurt said, making up his mind that he’d
audition. It would at least give him something to do here. Hopefully it’d help
him make some friends, too.
“I’m sure you’ll be great!” Jeff said with a big smile, grabbing his hand to
pull him excitedly down the hall. Nick sent him a pitying look.
“We’re having a performance today to advertise for auditions,” Nick explained
as they turned the corner to a common room where half the school was already
standing around waiting for something.
“Great,” Kurt said, nervously glancing around at all the boys in Dalton
uniforms. He stuck out like a sore thumb in his jeans and bright yellow
sweater. He had never been great at meeting new people. He’d never been given
enough opportunities to practice socializing with anyone that wasn’t an adult.
The thought of having to meet so many new people again was slightly
frightening.
“Who’s the new guy?” he heard somebody ask behind him, but he refused to turn
around and see who it was. Instead he slid up against the wall, hoping the sea
of navy around him covered him from too many people’s view. He knew that just
because the school had a zero-tolerance policy, didn’t magically mean that
everyone loved everyone. He didn’t want to attract the wrong attention.
That was when the singing started. The melody sounded vaguely familiar, though
it had been remixed to fit the acapella vocals. It wasn’t until somebody came
bursting through the doors wearing a ridiculous show smile and singing the
first line that Kurt figured out what it was they were singing—Michael Buble’s
‘Haven’t Met You Yet.’
The lead singer was incredibly attractive. He had dark features and looked
Hispanic, reminding Kurt of his elementary school days when he’d had a crush on
Ricky Martin. His voice was incredible, filling the entire room effortlessly
and Kurt could tell he was popular. All the students cheered when he’d first
come through the doors. Kurt was drooling before he’d even hit the chorus of
the song.
He was grateful for Nick and Jeff taking over lead of the second verse because
it meant Kurt could distract himself before he got too excited in the middle of
the common room. He really shouldn’t be lusting after one of the Warblers. He
didn’t even know him. He had no clue if the boy was gay or not.
Besides, wasn’t he still in love with the boy-he-wasn’t-going-to-think-about?
Kurt busied himself with watching Jeff and Nick. They were ridiculously cute
singing to each other as they did their little two-step routine. The crowd
seemed to eat it all up, which put Kurt at ease a bit. If everyone could be
okay with two boys singing a love song to each other, then maybe this school
was a magical place without bullying or hate.
Then something completely unexpected happened as the Hispanic dream boat took
lead again as they came to the third verse, he started walking away from the
group and their perfectly in-sync choreography. The crowd of boys in front of
Kurt started to part and the singer continued to walk his way. Before Kurt knew
what was happening, the boy was standing in front of him, making no secret that
it was Kurt he was singing the words to.
Kurt couldn’t help but blush. He’d never had a boy serenade him before. He’d
certainly never had anybody openly flirt with him in public before. That was
what this was right? The boy was flirting with him? As he finished up his
verse, he drew a heart in the air around Kurt’s face and started backing up
towards the Warblers again; leaving him beat red with many of the other
students still staring at him knowingly.
Jeff and Nick winked in his direction like they knew some secret he didn’t. He
really prayed that this wasn’t some elaborate plan to recruit Kurt to Dalton
and the Warblers. Convince the insanely hot lead singer to sing to the new gay
kid so he stayed and the school made more money. Oh god, this was all some joke
wasn’t it? That’s why they were winking. Guys didn’t just flirt with him. He
was Kurt Hummel for God’s sake.
After the song finished, the crowd of students burst into loud applause that
lasted several minutes before everyone eventually stopped and grabbed their
backpacks, heading back to class.
Kurt didn’t know what to do and he was pretty sure he’d get lost if he tried to
find his way back to the main office alone, so he just stood by the wall and
waited for Jeff and Nick to remember he was there. Currently the two boys were
back to holding hands and laughing as several other students complimented them
on the performance.
“They’re adorable, right?” a boy came up behind him. Kurt turned around and
realized it was Mr. Abercrombie Model, Lead Singer himself. He was wearing a
smile, nodding to where Jeff was playing with Nick’s hair.
“Yeah,” Kurt said awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. He didn’t
understand why this boy was talking to him.
“I’m Evan,” he said, holding out his hand for Kurt to shake.
“Kurt,” he replied, taking his hand. Kurt blushed when Evan held on a tad
longer than was necessary.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you Kurt,” he said. “I saw Jay-Z and Beyonce over
there giving you a tour earlier. Please tell me that means you’re a new
student?”
Kurt laughed at the nickname, wondering which boy was considered Beyonce in
that relationship. “My dad’s enrolling me now.”
“Well then my senior year just got a hell of a lot more promising,” Evan said
glancing him over in a way only Blaine had ever done.
Did that mean this Evan kid was into him? How was that even possible? Kurt
didn’t even know how he was supposed to respond to a comment like that. Was he
supposed to flirt back? He didn’t even know how to flirt, not really.
“Tell you what,” Evan said, handing his phone over to Kurt. “You give me your
phone number and I’ll be sure to give you my own personal tour when you get
here. Can’t have you getting lost or anything, right?”
“Right,” Kurt said with a shy smile as he plugged his number into Evan’s phone.
“Well I’ve got AP Government, Beautiful,” Evan said with a pout. “But I’ll text
you later to set up a date.”
Had Kurt heard him right? Had he said date?
He could feel himself starting to panic. He wasn’t ready for a date. He’d only
just broken up with Blaine. Except, he hadn’t broken up with Blaine. They had
never been together. Blaine had made that perfectly clear when he said Kurt was
only his friend. That somehow Kurt had made their relationship into something
it wasn’t, when Blaine had been the one always careful to make comments like ‘I
want you to know that it means something to me’.
How on Earth had Kurt gotten the wrong idea from that?
Feeling particularly bitter about it all, Kurt called after Evan to wait. Then
he did something he never thought he’d have the confidence to do. He walked up
to Evan and fixed his crooked lapel, making sure to let his hand linger when he
flattened it out.
“Look forward to seeing you around,” Kurt said with a low, seductive voice.
If Blaine didn’t want what Kurt had to offer, well he certainly wasn’t going to
stop himself from getting it somewhere else. His dad was going to be paying a
lot of money for him to go here; he might as well take advantage of all Dalton
had to offer.
****
By the time Kurt got to sleep that night, he was exhausted. Lauren had been
sitting on his front porch waiting for him when they’d finally gotten home.
They’d had to wait extra long because nobody at the school had been able to
find the uniform pants in Kurt’s size and it wasn’t until he said he could
tailor them himself by tomorrow that they’d been allowed to leave, brand new
uniform and orientation packet in hand. School was well over by the time they’d
gotten home and Lauren was not happy to find out that he was no longer a
McKinley student.
The two of them had gone to Breadsticks for dinner to discuss everything. He
had promised to stay in touch and still be her friend while she had promised to
pummel every jock from here until eternity to make it so he was safe enough to
come back. Then they’d spent three hours discussing his dying relationship with
Blaine and her possible relationship with Puck. Apparently she was still
playing hard to get, but had let Puck text her the entire day whatever sexy
texts he’d wanted. She in turn responded to each one with an insult which only
seemed to get him going more. Kurt found the entire thing strange, but was
happy that Lauren had found somebody that liked her for her. She deserved that.
It just made him jealous that he didn’t have that anymore. It seemed everyone
was happy and in love except for him.
It had been nearing 10PM by the time he got home from Breadsticks and he still
had had to tailor and press his uniform. He had been getting into bed an hour
and a half later when the first text from Evan came in.
To Kurt:
Hey there sexy, ready for your first day tom? -Evan
To Evan:
As I’ll ever be.
To Kurt:
I’ll make sure to take care of you babe. I’m really good at that ;)
Kurt wasn’t used to being called pet names. He’d made it very clear to Blaine
that he wasn’t a fan of most of them. Evan didn’t know that, though, and Kurt
certainly wasn’t going to tell him to stop and risk turning Evan away. He
already couldn’t believe that somebody so attractive was texting him, he wasn’t
going to chance it.
What he really couldn’t believe was that he was currently typing out a flirty
response of his own without sounding like an inexperienced idiot.
That’s because you’re not inexperienced anymore, Kurt reminded himself as he
hit the send button.
To Evan:
I’m sure you are.
To Kurt:
I’m sad you won’t be able to wear those delicious jeans of yours to class.
To Evan:
I don’t know, you manage to make the blazer look good ;)
Kurt was flirting. He was successfully flirting with this hot boy he’d only
just met in passing at school today. Since when had this become his life? It
was only a few months ago that he had no friends. It had been less than a year
since his first kiss had ended in a death threat.
To Kurt:
I’m really happy you decided to come to Dalton.
To Evan:
You don’t even know me yet. For all you know I could be some crazy serial
killer.
To Kurt:
Nah, I talked to Jeff and Nick about you.
Well that was surprising. Evan had actually sought Jeff and Nick out all so
that he could talk to them about Kurt. Blaine couldn’t even be bothered to talk
to Kurt in public, let alone seek out any of his somewhat-friends to ask about
him. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe this Evan guy might just turn out
to be better than Blaine had ever been.
The thought both thrilled and terrified him. While his brain knew he should be
moving on, his heart felt shattered at the thought of a future without him.
The two boys had texted back and forth until almost 1AM when Kurt had fallen
asleep and was so tired he never even heard his phone ring a few minutes later
with Blaine’s special ringtone.
The next morning, he found a “good morning” text from Evan and a voicemail from
Blaine that he refused to listen to. He had a lot going on that morning,
rushing to get ready for his first day of school so he’d have plenty of time to
make the hour and a half drive out to Westerville. The commute would be a bitch
every day but his dad had promised to look into boarding if it looked like
McKinley wasn’t going to budge on their policy.
It wasn’t until he was driving in his car and bored from looking at all the
farmland on the highway that he’d pulled his phone back out to stare at the
voicemail alert.
He should have deleted it right away. Blaine couldn’t possibly say anything
that would make Kurt feel better. He wouldn’t be able to fix what had already
been done. Yet there was that small part of him that still hoped. Maybe Blaine
had come to his senses. Perhaps Kurt’s transfer to Dalton had driven him crazy
and he suddenly wanted to get back together and was willing to shout their love
from the rooftops.
Despite knowing that was next to impossible, Kurt decided to listen to the
message, praying it would say what he desperately needed it to say.
“Kurt, it’s Blaine,” his voice came through the speaker of the phone, his
speech slurred and music playing in the background making it hard for him to
hear. Where was Blaine when he’d sent this? “I know you’re mad at me and you
should be. I’m a jerk, an epic jerk and you should hate me. I hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” Kurt responded, despite the fact that Blaine wouldn’t hear
him; it was only a message after all, hours old at that.
“But I’m sorry. You were right, I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared, but I don’t
have to be,” Blaine started to explain, causing Kurt’s breath to catch. This
was it; Blaine was finally going to confess his feelings. Sure, he was likely
drunk when he’s said this, but he was still saying it. Didn’t that count for
something?
“We can be together,” Blaine said, causing Kurt’s eyes to water. “And you can
help me be brave and I’ll just beat up Jackson anytime he tries to hurt you and
it will be alright. We’ll be fine. We can be together because I think I’m
really starting to fall—”
Kurt was on the edge of his seat, barely even paying attention to the road
ahead as he waited for Blaine to just say it. To finally tell him that he loved
him back. Except the next words to come through the speaker were from somebody
who was definitely not Blaine.
“Hey baby,” the voice sounded wasted, but the words were still too intimate,
too close, to be from some random passerby. “That your boyfriend?”
“Yes,” he heard Blaine respond, and felt his heart soar at that. Blaine thought
of him as his boyfriend. He really liked Kurt that way; he’d known it all
along! There was some shuffling on the line and suddenly the foreign voice was
back.
“So sorry love,” the stranger said, sounding condescending. Kurt gripped the
steering wheel tight enough for his knuckles to turn white; picturing it was
the stranger’s neck he was wringing. “I’m about to give your boyfriend here a
blow job because he’s been letting me buy him drinks and we’ve been dancing all
night. You really should know better than to leave a cute ass like this
unattended.”
The line went dead and Kurt took a sudden gasp of air. He hadn’t noticed it,
but he’d been holding his breath the entire time, waiting for Blaine to come
back and tell him that this boy was lying. That it was all some sort of joke.
It had to be a joke. Blaine couldn’t tell him he wanted him one minute then go
running off with this stranger the next. He had to be missing something. He
checked his phone, but there had been no further message from Blaine. No text
message apology. No second phone call to explain the message. There had been
nothing.
Probably because he was too busy getting off with some man in a club.
That’s who this stranger had been, Kurt reminded himself. Some man, not a silly
high school boy. Blaine was experienced. He dated and slept around with college
men. Kurt had been stupid to ever think that he could be enough for Blaine.
Oh God, Blaine had let this stranger give him a blow job. They’d probably
laughed about Kurt the entire time as Blaine complimented the stranger on his
technique. He probably told him that he’d needed the release after spending the
last few weeks only getting off with a virgin that didn’t know what he was
doing. Kurt had never felt so stupid.
He’d never felt so dirty before. White-hot shame filled him as he thought about
the things he’d allowed himself to do with Blaine. He’d been intimate with him
in every way possible. He hadn’t just shared his body, he’d bared his soul.
He’d told Blaine all of his secrets and Blaine had only been using him to get
off with until somebody better came along.
No amount of showering and scrubbing his skin would ever get rid of the fact
that Kurt was dirty now. He was used goods. He couldn’t get his virginity back.
There were no do-overs with this kind of thing. He’d made a bad decision and he
would have to live with that. He thought he could trust Blaine and he’d been
wrong.
The worst part of it all was that he knew, Kurt knew that he still loved Blaine
despite all of it. What did that say about him?
***** Chapter 15 *****
After listening to that horrible voicemail from Blaine, Kurt must have typed at
least twenty different text messages to respond, before changing his mind and
deleting every single one.
What’s his name?
Was he better than me?
I hope he gave you an STD!
Why?
I thought you were better than this...
Finn was right, you’re an asshole.
I thought you loved me?
Really? You couldn’t at least wait a week?
No matter what he sent, it wouldn’t change the fact that Blaine had called him
up drunkenly spouting off about them getting back together while he’d been with
another man the entire night. It didn’t change the fact that Blaine had had
plenty of chances to make this right and hadn’t.
He had left the voicemail for him and hadn’t even had the decency to send him a
quick text to apologize for making Kurt listen to his new lover laugh at him
over the phone. Nothing Kurt said to Blaine would change the fact that Blaine
was too cowardly to take what he wanted. He was too cowardly to stand up to the
jocks and actually be himself—be happy for once.
Maybe because he doesn’t want you like you thought, Kurt thought to himself,
bitterly.
In the end, he did the mature thing; he deleted Blaine’s voicemail so he
wouldn’t have to listen to it again. He knew if he saved it, he’d just torture
himself with it;so he deleted it without responding. He wasn’t going to feed
Blaine’s ego any more with declarations of love and he certainly wasn’t going
to let him know how hurt he was. Blaine had a new boy toy to make him feel
needed and important and Kurt had more self respect than to let himself become
that guy.
Then Kurt sent Lauren a text to give Blaine hell, because even though he was
trying to be mature, there was a part of him that wanted to get back at Blaine.
He was a junior in high school; he was allowed to make himself feel better by
siccing his terrifying best friend on the boy who broke his heart.
It took significantly longer for Kurt to get to Dalton than he’d planned after
pulling over to cry for a solid ten minutes. That was all he had allowed
himself—ten minutes. He was determined not to let Blaine ruin anything more
than that. Today was supposed to signify a new beginning for him: a fresh,
clean start. Even if he felt tainted and used now thanks to Blaine, he refused
to let it show. If he could compose himself, nobody would ever mistake him for
the silly boy that had let some stupid jock take his virginity and destroy his
heart.
By the time Kurt pulled into the Dalton parking lot, he’d already wiped away
the tears and used cool water from a bottle to reduce the puffiness in his
eyes. He’d be talked about enough without showing up looking like he’d been
crying; he wasn’t going to give these private school boys anything else to
gossip about. For all he knew, everyone would already know that he was only
transferring because he’d been bullied at his old school. Why else would he
transfer in the middle of the school year?
To Kurt:
Kick ass today, Cullen. I’ll be sure to kick Swimmer Boy’s ;)
He smiled at the text message from Lauren, reminding himself that he could be
strong. He could do this. If Lauren could survive all the hate that McKinley
threw at her and still be the most confident person he knew, he could survive
some trust-fund kids that couldn’t touch him without getting expelled. In fact,
there wasn’t much that could happen to him here that he hadn’t faced before. He
had no reason to be scared of Dalton. This was his sanctuary. The lighthouse in
the storm.
“Ah, see, now that’s unfair,” a familiar voice said as Kurt stepped out of his
car. He turned around to see Evan stepping out the passenger side of a
Mercedes-Benz in all of his perfectly tanned Latin glory. There were a few boys
in the car with Evan, but he quickly ushered them all ahead with a promise to
meet them later.
“What’s unfair?” Kurt asked as Evan led him through the parking lot.
“That you can look so good in those uniform pants. They do nothing for any of
us,” Evan said.
“Well, I did tailor them myself last night,” he said with a faint blush.
“So you’re trying to drive me crazy then, I see how it is,” Evan chuckled,
directing Kurt through a crowd of boys playing hacky-sac. He held the door open
for him once they reached the main building.
Kurt welcomed the warmth that immediately hit his cold cheeks the second he
stepped into the school. There was the normal morning chaos that surrounded any
school, but Kurt noted it was different. For starters, everything was a sea of
navy and occasional black, making everything blend into one. It was impossible
to see who were the jocks, who were the mathletes. Kurt knew that any school
had its cliques but, at first glance, it didn’t seem that way here. Everyone
looked the same. Second, there seemed to be a lot more laughter as kids high-
fived each other as they passed by. There was even a boy with a guitar singing
as he walked through the halls, met with only amused eye-rolls from the fellow
students. Nobody cared that the random student was singing a Britney Spears
song. Nobody was throwing a slushie at him.
Still, there was that tiny part of Kurt that worried he was sticking out like a
sore thumb, even though he knew that was impossible. Short of his peacoat—which
was black and didn’t scream gay, he’d been careful to ask Finn this morning—he
looked exactly the same as everyone else. There was no way they could know
anything about him just by looking. He was safe here.
Evan led him through the hallways that all looked the same to him. He knew he’d
figure his own way out eventually, but for now he was thankful for somebody
else taking the lead for him. With every hall sporting similar looking murals
and fancy chandeliers, everything blended together for him. Everyone blended
together.
If everything in this school was so similar, how did anyone ever get noticed?
Kurt had to remind himself that this was a good thing. It might be boring, but
at least it was safe.
“Hey Kurt,” Nick greeted him with a big smile once they turned the corner to a
small hallway with lockers for the day-students. Kurt thought it was strange
that everyone seemed to wear the same Stepford smile. It was like they went to
school in a magic land where teenage angst didn’t exist.
“Hi,” he said, feeling awkward even though he already met Nick yesterday and
liked him. First days were always hard for Kurt. Each year he’d always prayed
it would be the year he finally found a friend. Each year he’d smile at new
classmates and get hopeful anytime somebody looked his way. Then slowly but
surely, everyone would figure out that he was gay and start treating him like a
social leper. He’d been going through this ever since he was in kindergarten.
While he knew Nick wasn’t going to hold being gay against him, considering he’d
met his boyfriend, Jeff, the day before, he still didn’t know how long this
friendship would last. How long would it take for the Warblers, the self
proclaimed Dalton “rockstars”, to realize he wasn’t anything special? They’d
figure it out just like Blaine had.
“Jeff was supposed to walk you to first period because you share French class,
but he had to go to a tutoring session this morning for AP History,” Nick
explained. “Apparently my tutoring sessions with him weren’t successful.”
Kurt nodded awkwardly, feeling like some obligation to Nick. Jeff already had
ditched him because he had better things to do and now Nick was stuck escorting
him around school for extra credit and a boost to his college applications. It
had started already; they were realizing how much of a freak he was.
“Probably because you spend all your tutoring sessions attached to his lips,”
Evan teased before turning to Kurt. “I’ve got to head out. Senior classes are
on the other side of the building. I know you’re nervous, but don’t be. Dalton
is a great school and everyone is going to love you. I’ll save you a seat at
lunch, alright babe?”
Kurt was nervous enough that he completely brushed over Evan’s casual use of
the word babe and instead just forced himself to nod as he tried to remember
how to breathe.
“Babe?” Nick asked, poking him playfully in the shoulder once Evan was out of
earshot. Kurt tried not to flinch at the touch. He knew Nick didn’t mean any
harm by it—it was just a friendly gesture. Still, he wasn’t used to people
touching him in a strictly friendly sense. Most people thought they’d get the
plague if they touched him. Lauren wasn’t an especially affectionate person and
Blaine had turned out to be…
Well, it didn’t matter what had happened with Blaine. That was behind him now
that he had seen Blaine’s true colors. He didn’t have to think about that now.
Instead he could think about cute Latin seniors that smiled at him and weren’t
afraid to be seen walking around school at his side or serenading him in front
of the entire student population.
“This is your locker,” Nick said when it was obvious Kurt wasn’t going to talk
to him about Evan. “I printed off another copy of your schedule in case you
forgot yours as well as a school map, though you’ll have Jeff or I escorting
you to all your classes today.”
“You don’t have to, I’m sure you have better things to do,” Kurt explained,
taking off his coat and scarf and hanging them up into his full size locker. It
was nice to actually have the room to hang his coat up without it wrinkling,
unlike the half lockers he’d had at McKinley.
“It’s our pleasure,” Nick said, patting Kurt on the back gently reassuring him
that he didn’t mind. Kurt would have to grow used to these affectionate
touches, it would appear. Not that he minded them, it was just a foreign
concept that people would want to touch him. “We’re part of the welcoming
committee for new students; we enjoy showing people around the school we love.”
“Dalton certainly has a lot of school spirit,” Kurt said somewhat
sarcastically, unsure if it was something he wanted to make fun of or respect.
He’d never seen much need to cheer on his school but, then again, he’d never
gone to a school that wanted him there before.
“You’re not the only kid who’s come here looking for a new home,” Nick
whispered so nobody else could overhear them. Kurt gave him a curious look and
Nick had the decency to look guilty. “Headmaster Charlston told us why you got
admitted so late in the school year. Dalton only admits students in the middle
of the year under extenuating circumstances.”
“Well that’s embarrassing,” Kurt said, staring down at his new textbooks,
refusing to meet Nick’s eyes.
“No, God don’t be embarrassed,” he said, quickly. “I transferred here during
the middle of freshman year. Jeff came two months before school ended last
year. I’m just… I guess I just wanted you to know that we know what it’s like.
If you ever need to talk, you can come to us. We’re more than happy to help.
Dalton’s done a lot for us and we want to give back.”
“You make it sound like some charity case or strange cult,” Kurt said.
“You’ll have to take a blood oath at the end of the week to swear your
allegiance,” Nick teased.
“Do we pray to the Gods of polo shirts and hair gel?”
Nick laughed. “You’re funny. The teachers are going to hate you for that,
they’re pretty old school, but you’ll fit in just fine with the other boys
here.”
“I hope so,” he admitted, shouldering his empty backpack. He’d yet to get any
of his textbooks for class yet and dreaded seeing what he’d be learning now
that he was at a more prestigious school.
“Well you’ve already got Senor Gonzalez on Team Kurt,” Nick said with a knowing
look.
Kurt wasn’t sure what he was talking about. He didn’t know any Senor Gonzalez
and he wasn’t taking Spanish Class.
“Evan?” Nick clarified. “I know he comes on a little strong sometimes, but he’s
a really good guy. One of the nicest. You should give him a chance.”
Kurt simply nodded, unsure how much he was willing to talk about this when his
own feelings on the matter we still so conflicted. Evan did seem like a nice
guy and Kurt didn’t know him well but he enjoyed what he’d learned so far.
Logically, he knew that he needed to forget about Blaine, he just wasn’t sure
if he could do it so fast.
Why not? Kurt asked himself. Blaine moved on pretty fast.
Nick led Kurt to his first class of the day and as soon as the bell rang, Kurt
barely had time to think about boys anymore. He was painfully behind in all of
his classes and the makeup work that his teachers had given him would take
forever to complete. While he was confident he could catch up and handle the
more rigorous course load, he’d never had to try so hard in school before.
Apart from the strict teachers and difficult classwork, Kurt’s first day was
going as well as could possibly go. While Nick hadn’t been lying about his
teachers not being impressed with his sarcasm and wit, they were helpful and
understanding. His classmates were welcoming and eager to share their books
until he could get his own. People were constantly introducing themselves to
him. He’d never had so many people talk to him before without a snide remark or
an accidental trip. While a lot of them wanted to know all about him, nobody
pushed him to talk about his sudden transfer.
Jeff told him that there were student policies in place now ever since a
student last year had a panic attack in the middle of the lunch room on his
first day. Students weren’t allowed to pressure students to answer questions if
they said no. They weren’t allowed to fish for information. How the school
possibly enforced it, Kurt didn’t know, but then again the teachers here were
incredibly strict. It had surprised Kurt to hear that the school would so
easily change its policies after an incident with a single student, but it gave
him hope. If Dalton could change its policies, maybe McKinley eventually would,
too.
As it was, Kurt only had one more class to go and it was looking like this
would be the first time he’d ever survived an entire school day without
somebody being mean to him. Kurt was walking to gym with Jeff and his friend
Wes when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out to see a text
from Blaine.
To Kurt:
Why did Lauren Zizes tell me you’re going to private school now?
“Don’t let any teachers catch you with that,” Wes told him. “I got caught with
my phone my sophomore year and they made my parents come to the school for a
conference before they would give it back.”
“Mr. Bryce had mine for three weeks before he would give it back and I had to
write a three page paper on why I would never use my cell phone at school
again,” Jeff said with a roll of his eyes. “They’re pretty strict.”
“So none of you text during class?” Kurt asked. It wasn’t that he had ever
texted during school hours before McKinley—he’d never had anyone worth texting
before. He couldn’t deny that his classmates did all the time though; he had a
hard time believing the boys at Dalton didn’t do the same.
“It’s not worth the punishment,” Wes explained as Kurt pocketed his phone,
ignoring Blaine’s text. He couldn’t afford to get in trouble on his first day
of school and Blaine didn’t deserve an immediate response anyway.
When he got to the locker room and was changing his clothes, he snuck a peak at
his phone again, noticing two more texts from Blaine.
To Kurt:
Kurt…
Talk to me.
Kurt quickly deleted the texts and tried to force them out of his mind. He
wasn’t sure how to explain his transfer to a boy that couldn’t even be
considerate enough to wait until he wasn’t on a date with another man to send
him a voicemail confessing his feelings.
Ignoring Blaine’s texts didn’t matter though, because Blaine just kept sending
them. When Kurt got out of gym, there were two more texts. Seeing as the school
day was officially over the second the bell had rung, he felt safe pulling his
phone out of his blazer pocket to read the messages.
To Kurt:
Ok, this is ridiculous. I know things are weird between us, but we’re still
friends?
Please answer me, I’m worried about you.
Kurt bit the inside of his cheek. He knew he didn’t owe Blaine anything, but he
still felt guilty for just up and leaving McKinley without at least warning
Blaine first. Besides, Blaine was right, they were friends. At least, they had
been before they’d started fooling around and complicated things. Just because
Blaine didn’t think Kurt was worth standing up to the popular kids for, didn’t
mean he had to throw their friendship completely away. Right?
To Blaine:
I’m going to Dalton now... I don’t want to talk about it.
There, Kurt thought. He’d responded. He wasn’t ignoring Blaine completely, yet
he wasn’t breaking down all of his carefully built, fragile walls—the ones he’d
only started building this morning—the second Blaine came calling. It was
something- that was all Blaine could ask for. Right?
To Kurt:
Is this because of me?
Kurt almost threw the phone at the wall when he read the incoming message. How
could Blaine really be so self-centered to think that Kurt had transferred
schools just to get away from him? As if his father would let him transfer
schools over a boy. Did Blaine really think that he was so special that the
second poor, naive Kurt got his heart broken he went running for the hills? Did
Blaine really see nothing outside of himself?
Kurt forgot all about being mature and started texting a mile a minute, quickly
sending off four texts in a row without thinking about how rude they might be.
It didn’t matter; he couldn’t afford to regret them. Blaine certainly wasn’t
being careful with Kurt’s feelings.
To Blaine:
Yes. The entire reason I changed schools was to get away from you.
Please.
You won’t even talk to me at school, why would I need to transfer schools to
get away from you?
Do you know how incredibly self-centered you are?
Kurt expected an immediate response, but none came. He waited five whole
minutes, staring at his phone, expecting the familiar two tone beep, but there
was nothing. Deciding that Blaine must either be ignoring him now or gone to
the pool early for practice, he quickly changed into his clothes and made his
way out of the locker room. He still had to get to his locker for his things
and drive all the way home before starting his mountain of homework. He didn’t
need to sit around and wait for a response from a silly boy.
Kurt’s fists were still shaking with rage as he opened his locker and threw on
his coat, angrily buttoning it up and throwing his scarf on, not taking nearly
the amount of care to ensure it lay just right as he normally would. He was
still thinking over Blaine’s texts; letting it all sink in and growing more and
more frustrated with him by the minute. What did he expect from Kurt? All Kurt
had ever done was be a good friend to him. He’d been understanding about
Blaine’s fear and had never pushed him too hard about them. Why did Blaine have
to act like this?
As he stormed out of the building, he was surprised to see Evan waiting by his
car for him. There was a split second where Kurt honestly considered brushing
him off, telling him that he had too much going on to deal with something new
right now. Then he thought better of it. He was angry at Blaine for hurting
him. He was furious that Blaine could so easily go out into the world and take
home any man he chose, even a straight one. It wasn’t fair that Kurt didn’t
have other men looking at him like that, with desire. So here was Evan, a
sweet, incredibly attractive boy who seemed to genuinely like him.
For one nasty second, Kurt thought that he’d found the perfect revenge. He’d
found a way to get back at Blaine for running off with another man. He knew it
wouldn’t take much to convince Evan to come home with him. Hell, they wouldn’t
even have to drive all the way home. He could take Evan to an abandoned parking
lot like Blaine had done with him. He could send a sexy picture of the two of
them together to Blaine and pretend he’d sent it to the wrong person. Kurt
could make Blaine feel as bad as he did.
While the thought of Blaine upset and possibly crying over him was a rewarding
one, he knew that he couldn’t do that to Evan. For starters, he knew what it
felt like to be used and thought that Evan deserved more than that. More
importantly, Kurt knew that having sex with Evan in some quest for vengeance
wouldn’t make him feel better in the end. He already felt dirty for sleeping
with Blaine, he didn’t need to feel like a whore.
No, Evan was sweet. Kurt needed sweet in his life. So when Evan asked him to
dinner on Friday night, Kurt swallowed his rage over Blaine and accepted with a
kind smile. Today was supposed to be about new beginnings and this could be his
chance. Evan kissed him on the hand and opened the car door from him, not
stepping away until Kurt had turned on his car and pulled out of his parking
spot, ever the gentleman.
It wasn’t until Kurt had gotten home—and McKinley swim practice was
finished—that Blaine texted Kurt back. Kurt would like to think that he had
almost forgotten about it by the time the message had come, but he knew that
was a lie. He’d been obsessing over the deleted voicemail and text messages all
day long. Just because he’d gotten rid of them didn’t mean his mind wasn’t
replaying them again and again. As much as he would like to pretend he wasn’t
bothered by all of this, not even the promise of a date on Friday could erase
this pain.
He hadn’t been enough for Blaine. He wasn’t good enough.
To Kurt:
You think you’re the only person that’s allowed to be upset over this? Your
brother just threw me into a dumpster because of you.
To Blaine:
Maybe you deserved it.
Kurt fingers were flying over the keyboard and sent the message before his
brain could even process how vindictive it had sounded. He’d never pictured
himself being so angry at Blaine that he wouldn’t even feel sorry for him, but
apparently they’d reached that limit.
To Kurt:
Did you of all people seriously just condone bullying?
Maybe I was right to end things with you, I don’t need this.
Kurt read and re-read the message several times, each time it stung more than
the last. Sure, he could admit that his own words were too harsh, but he was
just angry and hurt. Did Blaine really believe that he was better off without
Kurt?
To Blaine:
Nobody’s asking you to keep talking to me.
He wasn’t sure why he assumed Blaine would apologize after he saw the message,
but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything, in fact. After the first night of no
response, Kurt decided that he wouldn’t say anything until Blaine responded. If
Blaine thought Kurt would crack first, he was wrong. After the first week went
by, Kurt starting wondering if Blaine would ever talk to him again. There had
been several times when Kurt had picked up his phone to call him and work
things out, but he’d stopped himself each time before pushing the call button.
If Blaine didn’t want to be his friend, then he wasn’t going to embarrass
himself any further.
To distract himself from calling Blaine, he went on the date with Evan, who
turned out to be just as amazing as he seemed. He’d taken him to dinner at a
nice Spanish-influenced place near Dalton that his grandparents owned. The
following Friday was spent walking hand in hand around the quaint downtown area
of Westerville. They sat for several hours inside of a bakery that had the most
amazing cookies and hot chocolate, talking about anything and everything. When
Evan walked him to his car at the end of the night and kissed him, Kurt
realized it had been two weeks since Blaine had contacted him and he was
starting to realize maybe he was better off. Or at least, he was realizing that
he could eventually, maybe, believe he was better off.
This was what romance and love was supposed to be. It wasn’t supposed to be
filled with so much questioning, insecurity and pain. Evan made him feel
wanted. He never had to question Evan’s feelings for him. He walked Kurt to his
locker every morning and saved him a seat every day at lunch. There were always
sweet notes left for him in his locker during passing periods. It was the kind
of relationship that was always written about in books.
On their one month anniversary, Evan came over to Kurt’s house and taught him
how to make empanadas. The night ended in Kurt’s room with Kurt’s homemade
tiramisu and Evan’s favorite movie—Casablanca. It was one of the most romantic
things that had ever happened to him and this was what every date with Evan
felt like. He always put so much effort into making things special for Kurt.
Once the movie was over, Kurt turned to find Evan staring at him with a sweet
smile.
“Did you like it?” he asked. Kurt simply nodded, unable to think straight when
Evan’s face was so close to his own.
Kurt grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him closer, meeting his lips in a
hungry kiss. Both of them moaned into the kiss as Kurt fell back onto the bed
and let Evan lay over him. They had only done this one or two other times
before. Evan shared a bedroom with his brother who was always around and Kurt’s
dad usually found a reason to be home whenever Kurt was going to have Evan
over. This was still new to them, the feeling of Evan laying over him with
their hips moving together in a way that made both of them instantly hard.
“Mi Corazon,” Evan said in the thick Latin accent that only really came out
when he was too turned on to worry about what he was saying. Evan had told him
that his family had moved here from Spain when he was six and he’d spent
several years learning to speak without an accent because the kids at school
always teased him for it.
Kurt groaned and sat up so that Evan could straddle his lap as Kurt kissed down
his neck. Things were getting heated between them and they were already farther
than they’d ever been before. The only other times they’d made out this heavily
before, they’d stopped as soon as they felt each other hard in their pants.
Tonight was different.
Kurt didn’t know what kind of expectations Evan had going into tonight. They’d
shared a candle-lit dinner in his empty house and spent the last two hours
cuddled under the covers of his bed. He was sure that Evan expected them to
have sex to celebrate their anniversary, but he just couldn’t. Every time he
thought of giving himself to Evan, no matter how good he knew it would feel, he
remembered the empty feeling that had followed his first time. He remembered
being used and left, only wanted for the sexual pleasure he could provide and
it made him sick.
“Wait,” Kurt said, pushing Evan off as he went for Kurt’s belt. “I just don’t
think I’m ready,” Kurt confessed, looking away.
He wasn’t ready to change their relationship so drastically yet. What he and
Evan shared, the brush of fingertips in the hallways at school, sharing fork-
fulls of dessert with each other, that was the romance Kurt had always wanted.
He didn’t want to ruin what they had been building with sex, it didn’t seem
right.
“It’s okay, Baby. You don’t have to be afraid to talk to me about this. I’m not
going to get mad at you for telling me no,” Evan said, running his fingers
lightly over Kurt’s face.
“Thank you,” Kurt whispered, feeling his face heat up with shame. He wanted
Evan as much as Evan wanted him. His body was practically begging for release,
but he’d have to deal with that on his own later. He wasn’t ready. “I just
don’t want to move too fast, I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
“And while I’m appalled that nobody has shown you how sexy and attractive you
are until now, I’m grateful that means you are all mine and nobody else’s,”
Evan said giving him a sweet kiss. Kurt had never told him about Blaine, he
knew that Evan thought he was a virgin. He wondered if he’d ever tell him the
truth. He wondered if it really mattered.
“I should go while I’m still capable of being a gentleman,” Evan said, pulling
away from Kurt’s arms. “I’ll see you for Valentine’s Day?”
“You still won’t tell me what we’re doing,” Kurt whined.
“It’s a surprise,” he said, standing up and straightening his sweater back into
place from where it had rode up to reveal a strip of tanned stomach that Kurt
wished he could lick. More than anything, he wanted to sleep with Evan, he just
didn’t know how to do that and not ruin things between them. Sex had already
ruined things with Blaine, he didn’t want to make that mistake again.
Evan walked over to Kurt’s laptop and fiddled with a few things, turning off
the movie. Then he grabbed a flash drive off the desk. Evan had lent it to him
in his desire to make Kurt like Eminem, but it hadn’t worked. No matter how
much Kurt liked Rihanna, he didn’t even like ‘Love the Way You Lie’ and he
hadn’t enjoyed a single song off of the rapper’s new album. Of course, he
hadn’t told Evan that. He’d nodded along and pretended to enjoy it because
that’s what good boyfriends did, right?
Neither of them noticed when Evan accidentally took the wrong flash drive.
After that night, after Evan had been such a gentleman about waiting, Kurt
finally went through his phone and pulled up his contacts list. He pulled up a
number he hadn’t dialed in a month. He stared at Blaine’s number for over an
hour debating his next move. He knew what he had to do. He knew that it was
time he stopped writing texts out that would only get deleted and left unsent.
He knew that it was time he stopped almost calling Blaine in the middle of the
night, wondering why he hadn’t been enough.
Evan was perfect and everything Kurt had ever dreamed of. Kurt knew that one of
these days he wasn’t going to be strong enough to stop himself from dialing
Blaine’s number. He knew that one of these days he would break down because he
still missed his best friend. He missed having somebody to share coffee
with—Evan claimed caffeine was bad for the body. He missed listening to indie
music and tearing apart lyrics with somebody that appreciated music in the same
way that he did. He missed having somebody to talk about his bullying with that
had been there.
One of these days, Kurt was going to call Blaine and that would break Evan’s
heart. If he wanted this, if he wanted to be Evan’s everything, he needed to
delete Blaine’s number and move on with his life.
So he did.
He deleted the number and de-friended Blaine on Facebook. He blocked Blaine on
Skype and did everything he could think of to ensure that they wouldn’t have to
see or hear from each other again. He cried for several hours afterwards, but
he knew it was for the best. His relationship was always too one-sided to be
healthy.
Slowly, Kurt learned to text Evan each time he went to pick up the phone to
send something to Blaine. When the newest Vogue came out, he told Evan. When he
heard a Ron Pope song featured on The Vampire Diaries, he told Evan. Evan never
quite cared about any of these things in the way he knew Blaine would , but
Evan did enjoy talking to him. He enjoyed flirting with Kurt. He was never shy
about kissing him in public. Even if they didn’t have as much in common as Kurt
had with Blaine, they didn’t have to. Relationships weren’t about having a lot
in common, they were about feeling loved and wanted.
Evan did more to make him feel loved in a single date than Blaine had managed
to do in the entire time they knew each other. So Kurt got used to the pet
names and stopped cringing every time Evan used one. He learned to love the
seafood restaurant that Evan always took him to because the shrimp diavolo
wasn’t that bad and Evan practically orgasmed over their sushi.
Kurt was happy. He loved Dalton. He had friends at school that liked him for
him. He had a loving boyfriend that showered him with attention and serenaded
him during Warbler rehearsals until somebody inevitably made him stop so they
could practice for real. He still saw Lauren on the weekends when they met up
every Saturday morning for breakfast at IHOP because they had all-you-can-eat
pancake specials. McKinley didn’t look like they were going to budge regardless
of Burt’s lawyers promising a law-suit, yet Kurt wasn’t that upset. He didn’t
want to go back to McKinley. He was the happiest he could ever remember being.
Which is why he was in a forgiving mood the day Blaine showed up at Dalton
along with a group of his friends and a guitar.
***** Chapter 16 *****
It was the second week of March when the weather finally turned from freezing
to a bearable cool. The frenzy of upcoming spring had all of Dalton in an
excited buzz and practically everyone was eating lunch outside on the front
lawn. The lacrosse team was throwing a football back and forth, two of the
gymnastics team boys were trying to perfect David’s backflip, and several of
the boys were lying in the grass and basking in the sun like they were at a
beach in Mexico. Evan was off tutoring a freshman in Algebra, otherwise Kurt
would have been behind the building sneaking kisses with him like always.
Instead, he was sitting on the front steps finishing up his sandwich and
quizzing Jeff for their upcoming test on the Spanish Inquisition when he heard
a guitar start.
It didn’t catch his attention right away. He was used to Harry playing his
guitar through the halls during passing period and it only seemed right that he
would be playing it happily outside on the first warm day. Most of Dalton
ignored Harry’s constant strumming by this point. It wasn’t until he heard
somebody start singing that he got curious. The only students who sang on a
regular basis were the Warblers, usually through very well practiced
performances. Kurt would know, he was now a member of the group and could say
they definitely had not practiced for any lunchtime performance. Even if they
had, almost all of the Warblers were sitting beside him looking just as
confused as he was.
He scanned the crowd but didn’t see the source of the song at first. The voice
sounded familiar though. It was a voice he still heard in his dreams on
occasion. It was a voice that forced him to remember even though he had tried
very hard to forget everything. It wasn’t possible though. Blaine didn’t sing
in public and even if he did, he wouldn’t be here. They hadn’t talked in almost
two months. It just didn’t make sense that he would show up at Dalton and start
singing…
He was though. Kurt spotted him walking closer, wearing an adorable button up
cardigan and ridiculous pink bow tie—one he’d once told Kurt he loved but felt
was too ‘obvious’ to wear to school. Puck was behind him strumming the guitar
as Mike and Sam provided backup vocals. Blaine was here. He was singing to
Kurt. He only vaguely recognized the song. It wasn’t something Kurt and he had
listened to and discussed in detail like so many other songs. It was something
he’d heard in passing though. Perhaps from a familiar album, a track they’d
skipped past in favor of something better—a track Blaine had been more
passionate about most likely.
That didn’t seem to be the case anymore. To say Blaine felt passionate about
this song was an understatement. Kurt could feel Blaine’s words in his bones.
They were raw and heartfelt and the most vulnerable he probably ever heard him
sound as he stood at the bottom of the stairs belting his heart out, putting
his entire self behind every word.
“Look at me, I’m made of wonderful, it’s terrible. I’m all easy come and easy
go as far as you know,” he sang to him. There was no questioning who Blaine was
directing the song at. The entire school was gazing between him and Blaine
questioningly. Kurt was so obviously Evan’s boyfriend. He’d been Evan’s
boyfriend pretty much since his first day at Dalton. For another boy to show up
and serenade him, Kurt didn’t even want to hear the things the student body was
going to say about this.
Kurt couldn’t worry about that right now, though. Right now he had to worry
about himself because his heart was doing that twisty-crushing thing that it
did whenever he thought about Blaine. Currently, he was blinking frustrated
tears away before anybody could notice.
Why now? There had been so many opportunities for Blaine to contact him. There
had been so many nights when Kurt would have welcomed this but he was happier
now. He’d moved on. Why did he have to come back just as Kurt had started to
forget?
“Wait, I think I feel like hell. No, I can’t be myself and I can’t be nobody
else, but if I could would you love me then?” he sang.
Kurt tried to remind himself that he was upset with Blaine as the song
continued and his friends danced behind him but it was hard. Blaine had always
been so hesitant to show this side of himself to anyone else, yet here he was
near tears and belting out an emotional song to an entire lawn full of people.
Here he was singing about how everyone always expected him to be somebody else.
He was professing how torn he felt, knowing that if he were to change himself,
if he dropped the persona, nobody would love him.
Sure, it wasn’t a love song. Blaine wasn’t singing Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will
Always Love You’ like Kurt had once daydreamed about while sitting through
countless swim meets and lusting after a boy he never thought he could have.
Not once during this whole song did Blaine sing about loving Kurt. It wasn’t
one of the traditionally romantic moments that he’d grown used to with Evan. It
was intimate though. It was raw and real and so help him, Kurt could feel
Blaine pulling at a thread and he knew that everything was about to come
unraveled thanks to one crazy serenade.
This was all he’d ever wanted from Blaine, for him to be honest. He’d always
known that Blaine cared for him, even if Blaine was too scared to admit it
sometimes. What Kurt had needed was for Blaine to be brave enough to allow his
vulnerability to show, which was exactly what Blaine was doing.
“If I lose my place and I don’t know just where I’m supposed to go or if you’ll
be there when I wake—Would you love me then?” he belted, almost angrily, though
Kurt could see there was more frustration there than anything else. “When I
come home tired and I come home late, everybody wants me so I give it away. I’m
a wanted man, I’m a wanted man, I’m a wanted man, I’m a wanted man…”
The song began to die out as Blaine lost his voice yet Sam and Mike kept
singing the last line, “Would you love me then?”
“Hey,” Blaine said with a somewhat hopeful smile though his eyes were still
wet. He was oddly shuffling back and forth and kicking at cracks in the
sidewalk. Kurt realized it looked so strange because Blaine almost always
carried himself with confidence, overly self-assured.
“Hey,” Kurt responded, unable to think of anything better to say. Now that the
song had finished, reality had caught back up with Kurt. While the song had
moved Kurt, no question, he couldn’t just forget about the last two months of
silence or anything that had happened before they stopped talking. Everything
was confusing at the moment which made Kurt’s mind go blank whenever he tried
to come up with something better to say.
“Can we talk?” Blaine asked, almost like he was afraid of the answer.
Kurt had two months to practice and perfect this speech—the one where he told
Blaine that he didn’t need him. The one where he told him he was happy at
Dalton and had more friends and love here than Blaine could ever have provided
him. He would call Blaine out on his cowardice and tell him that he didn’t
deserve Kurt, not after he took his virginity without at least having the
decency to be honest about his feelings. Two long months to perfect every last
insult and make sure he said everything he wanted to say. What he hadn’t
realized though, was how the happiness he’d found here at Dalton had started to
melt at the ice around his heart. Suddenly he wasn’t fighting back with words
to guard himself from pain, now there was only pity and regret.
It had been two months without his best friend and maybe that was too long. If
Blaine was willing to lay himself so open for Kurt, then couldn’t Kurt at least
talk to him?
“Yeah,” Kurt found himself agreeing with a nod of his head.
The relieved smile he saw on Blaine’s face was enough to tell Kurt that he was
making the right decision. That was the smile he’d fallen in love with, the
private smile that was only for Kurt.
“Hey sweetheart,” Evan said, walking up behind Kurt and putting an arm around
his waist. “What’s going on?”
The light stroke of a thumb finding its way under his sweater brought Kurt
fully back to reality. He’d lost track of himself, forgot about anything that
wasn’t Blaine and those painfully hopeful hazel eyes. He’d somehow forgotten he
was in the front lawn of Dalton with most of the student body watching him
closely. Of course somebody had gone to get his boyfriend, there was another
boy serenading him publicly.
Kurt felt guilty for allowing himself to forget about Evan so quickly, even if
it was just a moment. “Oh… um… this is Blaine,” Kurt fumbled through an
introduction.
Evan held out his hand, introducing himself as Kurt’s boyfriend confidently.
Kurt could swear he saw a hurt look cross over Blaine’s face but it was quickly
covered up by his signature cocky smile.
“So how do you two know each other?” Evan asked sweetly, pulling Kurt closer to
his side—closer than he usually held him in public.
“We’re friends,” Kurt said quickly when he noticed Blaine’s dangerous smirk. He
had seen the darker side of Blaine. He knew how quickly he could wound with
words when he was hurt and he didn’t want to see that happen here with Evan. He
wasn’t stupid. The hurt look Blaine had shown for a moment said it all, he’d
been hoping to get Kurt back as a boyfriend, not just a friend.
“That was quite a display for a boy you’re only friends with,” Evan said with
an ever present smile that Kurt was starting to realize was forced for both
boys. They were both jealous. They looked ready to have some disgustingly
masculine pissing contest over him. It was crazy, since when was Kurt anything
special?
“Yeah, well Kurt and I are very close,” Blaine said condescendingly.
“Funny, he’s never mentioned you—” Evan countered as the boys began to talk
over each other.
“We share a very special bond—”
“Yet I’m the one he’s been dating for two months—”
“Stop it,” Kurt said, cutting them both off. Thankfully, they both obeyed.
“We’re going to be late for fifth period,” Evan said, pulling at his arm to try
and get him to walk back up the stairs and through the door, away from Blaine.
Kurt glared at his boyfriend for being so rude.
“Sorry, Sugar,” Evan apologized.
“Sugar?” Blaine snorted, earning his own glare from Kurt. The last thing he
needed was for Blaine to tell Evan he hated pet names.
“You know we can’t be late to class again,” Evan explained trying to usher a
stock still Kurt inside. “Ms. Echols will give you detention and we’ve got that
date planned tonight. It was nice to meet you, Blaze.”
“Blaine,” Kurt corrected him and pulled his wrist out of Evan’s hold. Evan
looked completely betrayed and Kurt knew he’d have to deal with a major
argument later, but he wasn’t about to let Blaine walk out of his life again.
He no longer had Blaine’s number to call him and he didn’t know if they’d ever
see each other again after this.
“I won’t be late, I swear,” Kurt promised Evan. “Just give me a minute to say
goodbye.”
Evan sighed and stalked off with several of the Warblers at his heel. Kurt
rolled his eyes at the angry look they each gave him for pissing off their
friend and prayed Blaine was going to make all the upcoming drama on that end
worth it.
“Boyfriend, huh” Blaine said, stuffing his hand in his pockets.
“Really?” Kurt asked unimpressed. “I thought you were here to apologize not
belittle my life choices.”
“I did,” Blaine said quickly, holding his hands up in surrender. “It’s just; I
told you that you’d have boys all over you.”
“It’s one boy,” Kurt challenged. “And he’s my boyfriend so I’d appreciate it if
you could avoid getting into some testosterone fueled battle on the front lawn
of my school.”
“I’m sorry, that was out of line,” Blaine apologized sounding sincere enough.
“I have class in one minute, say whatever it is you came here to say,” Kurt
said thinking back to the promise he’d made to Evan. He couldn’t afford to get
detention, not when Evan had specifically bought tickets for them to go and see
a community theatre production of Les Miz tonight.
“There’s just so much I need to talk to you about,” Blaine said, looking around
frantically like his brain was trying to work too hard. “Meet me at Angeli’s
after school?”
“So you can continue to make me your dirty little secret?” Kurt asked, giving
him a pitiful glare. He still didn’t understand, did he? Kurt started walking
backwards up the stairs, ready to turn on his heel and run to class at any
moment. Blaine followed after him looking desperate.
“Fine,” Blaine said, sounding frustrated. “Anywhere you want to go, in front of
anybody. I just need to talk to you.”
“I don’t know if—” Kurt had been about to say that he didn’t think that was a
good idea. Though Blaine’s performance had been moving, the appearance of Evan
was making Kurt question whether or not rekindling his friendship with Blaine
was a good idea. The two of them had never really been just friends. They’d
always been two boys lusting after each other and the second they realized that
they’d fallen into bed together. Kurt had a boyfriend now.
He had a boyfriend whom he genuinely cared for. One that had yet to break his
heart like Blaine had.
“Kurt, please,” Blaine said, reaching out his hand and grasping at air, tears
in his eyes, forcing Kurt to see the dark circles that had formed there.
He could see Puck, Sam and Mike in the background looking at each other,
worried and ready to jump in. They had all ditched school to help Blaine
apologize. Mike had been willing to miss classes. Puck and Sam had been willing
to serenade a boy they’d never shown any affection for before. Obviously they
thought Blaine needed this; that was the only reason they would have come all
this way. There was something Kurt was missing, a critical part of the story
that he could only find out if he agreed to meet with Blaine. It was the least
he could do for the boy who had been his first real friend.
“Meet me at the Lima Bean tomorrow at five,” Kurt said. “Don’t be late. I’ve
got a paper to write.”
“Thank you,” Blaine said sincerely, a gentle smile on his face and a more
relaxed set to his shoulders.
Kurt had to practically run to make it to fifth period on time, but he managed
it. Evan would have been livid if he’d messed up their plans tonight. The only
reason he’d bought the tickets were because Kurt had wanted to see the show,
Evan didn’t enjoy musicals. Kurt was positive he’d be complaining halfway
through the first act, but he was willing to put up with it for Kurt.
That’s what boyfriends did; they made sacrifices for each other. Kurt had to
continue to remind himself of that all day as he kept hearing Blaine’s voice in
his head singing to him. When had Blaine ever sacrificed anything for him?
“Are we going to talk about how another man sang you a love song at lunch
today?” Evan asked him at their lockers after school that day. They were
leaving straight from Dalton to make the drive out to New Albany for an early
dinner and the show. It was going to be a long evening for them if Kurt
couldn’t stop this conversation before it got started.
“It wasn’t a love song, it was Rob Thomas.” Kurt rolled his eyes and grabbed
his jacket and backpack before closing his locker.
He’d taken the time to Google the song earlier—‘Wonderful’ off of the
Cradlesong album. It explained why Kurt had recognized it. Blaine had loved
playing ‘Someday’ for him. He’d go on and on about how beautiful the melody was
and how he loved the message of finally finding a way to live life without
pain. Songs weren’t just songs for Blaine; they always had a careful message
that applied to his life. ‘Wonderful’ wasn’t romantic, but Evan never listened
to anything close enough to hear true meanings in lyrics.
“You told me you never had a boyfriend,” Evan challenged, still helping Kurt
into his jacket despite his anger—ever the gentleman.
“And I haven’t,” Kurt said with a raised eyebrow, daring Evan to call him a
liar. Evan smartly kept his mouth shut but stared dejectedly at the ground
making a guilty knot form in Kurt’s stomach. Evan was his boyfriend; he
shouldn’t be upset with him over this. Kurt knew how it felt to think the
person you cared for was with somebody else, he shouldn’t be this upset.
“Listen, I’m sorry,” he apologized, taking a calming breath. “Blaine and I are
just friends. We went to McKinley together but had a really big fight when I
transferred. He was just here to apologize.”
“With a song,” Evan mumbled like he didn’t believe him.
“Evan,” he said, already tired of this argument even though it had barely
begun.
“No,” Evan said. “I know you don’t think it’s a big deal and I want to trust
you that it wasn’t anything, but the whole school is asking me if you’re
cheating on me and I don’t even understand what’s going on enough to say one
way or the other—”
“You honestly think I’m cheating on you?” Kurt asked growing upset. Evan
ignored him and continued talking.
“—I think as your boyfriend I have a right to know about this best friend you
mysteriously have never talked about.”
“Fine,” Kurt said with a huff.
“Great.”
“Great,” Kurt repeated bitterly, stalking off towards Evan’s car.
Tonight was going to be a long night for both of them and was going to
completely ruin Les Miz. He walked as fast as he could, not wanting to stop and
chat with any of his friends for fear they would ask him about Blaine as well.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t see where Evan was coming from, he deserved to know.
Kurt just didn’t know what to tell him when he didn’t exactly understand his
relationship with Blaine anymore. It took a few minutes for Evan to catch up to
him at his car and by that time he was looking apologetic and Kurt had a moment
to calm down again.
“I’m sorry, okay?” Evan said. “I don’t want to fight. The reason we’re so good
together is because we trust each other and never fight, right?”
“Of course,” Kurt said. “I’m sorry, too. I just don’t understand; you’ve never
had a problem with me having male friends before. Why now?”
A dark look crossed Evan’s face but it was quickly gone. Evan shrugged and
replaced his frown with a smile. “I guess I just have a hard time believing
somebody as attractive as you has never had a boyfriend before. But if you say
I’m your first, then I believe you.”
“You are,” Kurt said carefully. He wasn’t lying, Blaine and he had never dated.
Trying to explain all the complications of their friendship would just be a
hassle and Evan would only get hurt. He didn’t need to know. It wasn’t like
Kurt was going to let himself kiss Blaine ever again, let alone sleep with him.
“I’m so glad you’re mine, baby,” Evan said giving Kurt a lingering kiss,
reminding them both who Kurt belonged to. He was Evan’s just like Kurt wanted.
He was happy here. He had everything he ever wanted. He loved the feeling of
belonging to another person. So why, for a split second, had that made him feel
so claustrophobic? Like a prison?
“Me, too,” Kurt said, giving him a quick peck on the lips before climbing into
the car so they could get on the road before rush hour started.
****
Kurt’s stomach was a nervous mess the entire next day as he made his way
through classes and tried not to think about his upcoming coffee with Blaine.
Realistically, he knew it shouldn’t be so nerve wracking. It was just coffee.
If at any point in time things got too complicated or awkward, he could get up
and leave. It was a simple conversation between two people who had talked about
almost everything. There was no reason to be this scared.
Still, Kurt had felt like he was going to throw up all day.
“Will you stop fidgeting,” Nick said, poking him playfully in the side with his
pen as they worked on their chemistry experiment together. Well, Nick worked on
it. Kurt was too distracted to be much of a help.
“Sorry,” Kurt said, but didn’t stop clicking his pen.
“Is this about the boy at lunch yesterday?” he asked, taking the pen out of
Kurt’s hands so he would stop playing with it.
“No,” Kurt answered.
“Liar,” he said with an easy laugh. He didn’t sound that put out considering
half of the Warblers had already come up to him to give him the third degree.
“He’s just a friend,” Kurt quickly answered before Nick could start in on him
like everyone else had done today. He was frankly sick of talking about Blaine
to people who didn’t care to believe anything he’d say about the matter.
Perhaps that was the real reason he was so nervous about meeting with Blaine,
because everyone else seemed to think it was a bad idea.
“And has this mystery boy always been just a friend?” Nick asked.
“Just say whatever it is you’re going to say,” Kurt challenged him, eager for
Nick to just spit it out so they could get back to their experiment.
“You’re my friend,” he said earnestly. “And as your friend, I just thought I
would tell you that no matter who this guy is, no matter what happens, I’m
still your friend.”
“Okay,” Kurt said, confused about what Nick was trying to get at.
“Can I give you some non-judgmental advice?” he asked.
Kurt nodded and Nick continued, talking while he mixed the chemicals for their
lab.
“Over the summer, Jeff moved back home to Pittsburgh and I had to go back to
Cincinnati,” Nick explained. Kurt wasn’t sure where this was going, but he
stayed quiet and listened. “It was five hours away and just long enough that we
could only see each other every other weekend.”
“That must have been rough,” he said, thinking about how the two boys were
always glued to each other’s side. Nick just shrugged.
“We managed,” he said. “I worked hard to keep up our Skype dates and put
together a schedule for semi-regular visits that worked around vacation
schedules. Jeff had a harder time keeping up with it though.”
“Mr. Duval,” the teacher said, sending them both a warning glare. Nick nodded,
going back to their experiment but he continued the story in a whisper.
“See I ran from Cincinnati because I didn’t have anyone there I cared about. It
wasn’t the same for Jeff; he left behind a lot of people when he transferred
here. He left behind a boy.”
Kurt’s eyes widened, sure he’d heard Nick wrong. He had never pictured his two
friends, the school’s most stable couple, with anyone else. It just seemed
wrong somehow.
“He never told me about him, I think it hurt too much to talk about,” Nick
explained. “Either way, he started spending time with this boy again, just as
friends.”
“But the two of you were still together, right?” Kurt asked quietly so they
wouldn’t get in trouble with the teacher.
“Of course,” Nick said with a smile. “But one day I guess the distance between
us got to be too hard and this boy was there with all this history between the
two of them… Jeff kissed him.”
“What?” Kurt exclaimed loudly, earning them another glare and threat of
detention.
“I don’t understand, you and Jeff are still together,” Kurt said with a
questioning tone. How could Nick have forgiven Jeff for cheating on him?
“We love each other and I know Jeff regrets it every day we’re together,” Nick
said. “There’s a lot more to the story that I won’t get into because it
involves Jeff’s past and that’s really his story to tell. But yes, he cheated
on me and it almost broke us up.”
“That’s not exactly advice,” Kurt said.
“The advice is don’t screw up something perfect because of a memory of the
past,” Nick said. “I know Jeff really liked that guy and at the time they were
good for each other, but now they aren’t. Now Jeff’s got me and he’s happier
than he ever was before.”
“Blaine was never my boyfriend,” Kurt explained carefully.
“You’re a good guy Kurt,” Nick said. “I know whatever is going on; you’ll
figure it out in the end. Just be honest with your feelings, don’t lie to
anyone. Evan is a good guy.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Kurt asked.
“Because that boy looked at you the way Jeff looks at me,” Nick said. “They
same way Evan looks at you. You can’t have them both.”
After their conversation, Kurt felt even more anxious about his decision to go
and see Blaine. Several times today he’d tried to get out of it, picking up his
phone to text an excuse before realizing he no longer had Blaine’s number.
Was Nick right? Was this really going to come down to him choosing between
Blaine and Evan? Couldn’t he have them both? Blaine could just be his friend.
Blaine was going to be his friend. He wasn’t about to cheat on his boyfriend.
He was better than that.
By the time school got out, Kurt had an hour and a half drive to himself to
really think about what he would say to Blaine. There was so much to talk
about. He wanted to ask why Blaine had gone out of his way to make it clear he
cared about Kurt only to lie about his feelings in the end. He wanted to ask
what it was about Christmas that had made Blaine finally brave enough to decide
to be his boyfriend, only to lose that bravery and dump him on New Year’s. He
wanted to confess that the only reason he’d allowed himself to go that far was
because he was desperate to keep Blaine in his life and he didn’t know how to
do that without sex.
All of those questions would lead to answers—answers that could potentially
repair what had been broken. That would lead to confessions though. It would
lead to Kurt saying those magical three words again, praying for them to be
repeated back. None of those questions would lead them back to friendship.
So when he walked into the Lima Bean fifteen minutes late and saw Blaine
sitting in a corner, staring at his phone sadly, he said the only words he’d
decided were safe.
“Hey.”
“I was starting to think you weren’t coming,” Blaine sad with a pathetic smile.
“I’m still not sure why I did,” Kurt confessed. Honesty. There was no point in
pretending the past didn’t happen, in pretending everything could be perfect
again if they just ignored it. Pretending things were okay had never done them
any favors before.
“Well, I’m glad you did,” he said as an awkward pause feel between them. Kurt
still hadn’t moved to sit down and he could tell that was making Blaine
anxious.
“I don’t really know what to say here,” Blaine said. “I know I messed up.”
“Which time?” Kurt said with a bitter snort.
No, no, you are not going to do this, he reminded himself. Friends, they were
friends. Friends didn’t need heartfelt confessions of love and every wrongdoing
to be righted again.
“All of it?” Blaine said, unsure of his answer.
Kurt could agree, but then that would be a lie. It would be saying that every
time they’d laughed together, every date they’d ever been on sitting by
fireplaces, shopping in quaint downtown boutiques, eating at delicious Italian
restaurants that could only be found outside of Lima… all of that would be a
mistake as well. Kurt didn’t want to erase all of that too. It hadn’t all been
bad.
Kurt gestured towards the counter and they went up to get their coffees. Kurt
refused to let Blaine pay for Kurt’s coffee even when Blaine said it was a
peace offering. Buying coffees for each other felt too close to date territory
and this was definitely not a date.
“I’m sorry for showing up at Dalton,” Blaine said. “I should have called you
first. I should have tried to reach out in a different way. I didn’t think
you’d pick up my calls after blocking me on Facebook. I thought you’d
appreciate the gesture. I thought I was going to rescue you from big bad Dalton
and I’d take you back to McKinely where you belong. I didn’t realize you’d have
a boyfriend. Of course you’d have a boyfriend. I just missed you so much. I
needed to see you and I didn’t think about anything, but of course you would
have moved on. You—”
“Blaine,” Kurt said, cutting off Blaine’s rambling. Kurt could feel his heart
getting pulled in two different directions, it was painful. He wrapped his arms
around his chest and squeezed tightly, trying to keep his insides from spilling
out of his body like it felt they might.
“I’m sorry,” he said, looking up at Kurt with watering eyes. “I never should
have let you go.”
“Blaine, please,” Kurt begged, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see
Blaine’s miserable expression. “Stop talking.”
Kurt took several steadying breaths and forced himself to picture Evan. To see
the two of them sitting side by side in a cozy booth at the French restaurant
they’d eaten at last night. He tried to feel the sweet, gentle lips on his
cheek as Evan told him he looked gorgeous in the candlelight from the table.
Never pressuring him for more, always taking only what was given like a true
boyfriend should.
He forced himself to remember the cold running through is veins, freezing his
heart, as his teeth chattered from being in his car too long after Blaine had
broken up with him, drowning himself with tears. What Blaine and he shared was
passionate, sure, but it was also volatile. How quickly Blaine had turned on
him the second they’d slept together. He forced himself to remember the
voicemail of Blaine about to hook up with another man. He remembered Blaine’s
harsh words over the phone telling him that all he’d wanted was Kurt’s
virginity. Even though Kurt knew they’d been lies, it still hurt. He’d still
cried.
Kurt’s heart might still belong to Blaine, if the way it was tearing itself
apart was any indication, but it belonged to Evan, too. Evan, the boy who had
never made him cry; not once. If Kurt was going to have to choose, he thought
it was obvious who he had to pick.
Kurt opened his eyes again to see Blaine fiddling with the lid on his cup,
busying his hands with his task and gluing his eyes to the table. Kurt took a
big, long sip of his coffee while he chose his next words carefully.
“Let’s just slow down,” Kurt said. “I think this is all too much to process at
once.”
“Right, sorry,” Blaine said, falling silent once again, allowing Kurt some time
to muddle through his confusing thoughts.
“I’m not mad,” Kurt said. He’d said the words to himself before, but now that
they were said aloud, he realized they were completely true. Any feelings of
malice or rage had been washed away over time.
“Okay,” he responded, slightly hopeful.
“Now I’m just sad,” Kurt admitted.
“Me, too,” Blaine agreed.
“When it was just the two of us, it was really good,” he said, picking his
words very cautiously. He wanted to make up with Blaine, but he didn’t want him
to get the wrong impression either. Kurt didn’t want to lose Evan.
“You still think so, even now?” Blaine asked.
“It was never how you were when you were with me that was the issue,” Kurt
said. “It was everyone else.”
“I was so scared what happened to me was going to happen to you,” he said.
“When Jackson and those guys came after us on New Year’s Eve, I was terrified.”
“So was I,” Kurt said. “But we were okay. Everything turned out fine.”
Blaine shook his head, like Kurt was missing something.
“That fear you had,” Blaine started, wearing a far off look, not quite looking
at Kurt. It was like he was looking through him, lost in a far off memory. “Did
all the adrenaline run through your body? Did you want to run but you couldn’t
remember how, when you tried to push them away but they wouldn’t let you—did
your heart plummet to the ground? Did you honestly wonder if you were going to
make it out alive?”
“Yes,” he whispered.
“I feel like that every single day,” Blaine admitted.
“Blaine,” Kurt reached out his hand to clasp it in Blaine’s, letting him know
that he wasn’t alone.
“I have really good friends now,” he said. “I have people like Puck, who I’m
positive would kill somebody for me if he needed to. I have swimming, which
makes me popular enough that the majority of students leave me alone. I have a
future, I can go to any university I want and never look back. It makes it
easier.”
“Okay?” Kurt said, unsure of where this was going. Blaine was fine now, he was
the golden boy. Kurt knew he was still scared, but he’d never really needed to
be. He’d just listed every reason why Jackson and his friends could never
actually hurt him that badly.
“It never makes it okay,” Blaine said. “You could never understand that kind of
fear before. You understood bullying, you had a death threat, but you’d never
been two seconds from death before. You’d never had to look it in the eye. It’s
never okay again.”
“It’s okay to still be scared,” Kurt said. “That doesn’t mean you have to run.”
“I can’t stop,” Blaine said with a whispered confession.
“All that love and friendship, the hope for a future, that can be enough to
fight for,” Kurt said, squeezing Blaine’s hand with both of his own tightly,
knowing Blaine needed it. “Try.”
“I really wanted to be your boyfriend,” Blaine said with a shaky smile, pulling
his hand away from Kurt’s to wipe the tears away from his eyes.
Something about that simple phrasing struck a chord with Kurt. It was strange,
Blaine wasn’t saying he wanted Kurt like he was some prize. He wanted to be
Kurt’s boyfriend. He wanted to belong to Kurt, not the other way around. It was
a slight turn of phrase and he was most definitely reading too much into it,
but it felt right. It felt more natural this way.
“You weren’t ready for that,” Kurt said carefully, biting the inside of his
cheek and reminding himself of all the reasons they couldn’t work out.
“I know, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want it all the same,” he said
wistfully. “That was the problem, wasn’t it? I took what I wanted when I knew I
wasn’t ready and ended up breaking the most important thing in the world to
me.”
“Blaine,” Kurt said, breathless. This was too much, he couldn’t handle it.
“You think you’re ready now?” Kurt wasn’t sure what made him ask it. The words
just fell out of him and he couldn’t take them back. It was a dangerous
question. No matter what the answer was, it was sure to shatter him in pieces.
“Does it matter? You’ve got a boyfriend,” Blaine said, bitterly. He turned away
and looked into the distance. Kurt could see him sitting up straighter and
composing himself. He was closing himself off, putting up a wall, a well
practiced persona.
“You’ll always matter,” Kurt said, giving him a sad look. Blaine shouldn’t have
to wear that wall with him. Kurt wasn’t sure if the fact he had put it up was
his fault or Blaine’s.
“You’ve always been able to make me feel special for more than just a national
medal,” Blaine paused, looking at him then closing his eyes tightly, unable to
stop a single tear from falling.
“You were the first person to every befriend me,” Kurt confessed. “You’ll
always be special. You’ll always be my friend.”
“I’m going to tell you something I shouldn’t,” Blaine said, eyes still shut.
“You can always tell me anything,” he said, honestly.
Blaine shook his head and opened his eyes, giving him a pitying look.
“Not if we’re only going to be friends,” he reasoned. “There’s something I have
to tell you. Something I really need to say, then we can forget it happened and
go back to being friends.”
“Okay,” Kurt said, nervously.
“I love you,” Blaine said, causing Kurt to gasp and practically knock their
entire table over. His eyes went wide and terrified. He was not expected those
three little words.
“I know I’m really terrible at showing it, but I do,” Blaine continued quickly
before he lost his nerve or Kurt could force him to stop talking again. “I’m
sure your boyfriend is great. I’m sure he treats you way better than I ever did
because you look so happy and healthy now—but I promise you I love you more. I
don’t expect you to do anything with this. I don’t deserve you after what I’ve
done, but I thought you should know.”
“Why?” Kurt asked with a shake of his head, unable to help the tears from
forming in his eyes.
“Because one day you’re going to break up with him. Something is going to
happen, I don’t know what or when, but it will. One day you’re going to realize
that what we have together is a forever kind of thing.”
“You can’t know that,” Kurt said, trembling.
“I can,” Blaine said with a miserable smile.
“We’re in high school, nobody talks about forever in high school,” Kurt said
frantically, feeling his chest start to swell, like his lungs were going to
explode. He couldn’t hear this right now.
“That’s because not everyone meets somebody like you in high school,” Blaine
confessed.
“This is crazy,” Kurt said, shaking his head, willing himself not to jump into
Blaine’s arms like he wanted to. They couldn’t work; they’d already proven that
they didn’t work together. Why was Blaine saying all of these things to him? “I
have a boyfriend.”
“And I can wait,” Blaine said, immediately changing the topic before Kurt could
argue any further. “Now, how far have you gotten in Doctor Who? Are you on the
eleventh doctor yet?”
This was absurd. Blaine couldn’t just tell him all of that and then expect him
to ignore it. It was impossible. They needed to talk about this.
“You can’t just wait for me to break up with Evan. Do you hear yourself? This
is insane,” Kurt said, looking at him like he’d lost his mind. Did he honestly
expect him to just start chatting about some TV show they’d started watching
together before Christmas after a comment like that?
“Nope,” Blaine said with a shake of his finger. “That’s going into the box of
things we can’t talk about. We’re just friends now. You have a boyfriend.”
“Is this some kind of game?” Kurt argued. “You play with my emotions and think
it’s going to suddenly make me break it off with my boyfriend and come running
back to you?”
“No, of course not,” Blaine said reaching out and squeezing his hand
reassuringly before letting it go. “This is me knowing that I’ve already lost
the boy I’ve fallen in love with but being unable to lose my best friend, too.”
“Then why did you tell me that?” Kurt asked, teetering between feeling touched
by Blaine’s words and infuriated by them at the same time.
“Because it had to be said,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “I should
have said it before. I should have said it back when you first did. I should
have told you at Christmas because that was when I knew, the moment you gave me
your Christmas present, but I didn’t. I made a mistake, several mistakes, and
I’m paying the consequences of them. I don’t deserve you now but maybe one day
I will. Either way, you’re with somebody else and that’s fine. I understand and
I’m happy for you. I am trying to be happy for you, but I need my friend back
at least.”
Kurt opened his mouth several times but found words were failing him. The truth
was Kurt needed his friend back as well. If that meant they had to have a
secret box where they put half their hearts and locked them away so friendship
could work, then he’d do it. It had to be done, because life without Blaine
would be wrong.
Kurt nodded, agreeing to Blaine’s plan to be friends. “If this is going to
work, you can’t tell me you love me. It hurts too much.”
“We can’t bring up the times we’ve had sex, it’s too intimate,” Blaine added.
“We’re friends and as far as anyone is concerned we’ve never been anything
more,” Kurt agreed.
“So this conversation never happened. So you never told me what episode you’re
on,” Blaine said, changing the topic again as they both tried to forget about
their past and move forward in a tentative friendship that could break with the
simplest mention of their complicated history.
“Can we not talk about Doctor Who?” Kurt whined. “Because Rose just got pulled
into the other dimension and I can’t bring myself to watch anymore.”
“You haven’t even met the Ponds yet!” Blaine giggled, it sounded false to both
of their ears but Kurt hoped over time they wouldn’t have to force these casual
moments.
“No,” he demanded. “Something else.”
“Fine. How do you like Dalton?” Blaine asked.
“It’s good,” Kurt said. “A little too strict, but good.”
“I bet the commute sucks,” Blaine mused.
“It does, but I’m going to start boarding there next month. Some kid dropped
out to go to rehab so there’s an empty room,” Kurt explained.
“That doesn’t sound temporary,” Blaine said with a frown. “Are you ever coming
back to McKinley?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “The school’s not really interested in making things
better for the effeminate gay kid who likes to sing.”
“Then I’ll never see you,” Blaine whined.
Kurt just shrugged. “There aren’t a lot of options for me.”
“Yes, but it’s so stupid,” Blaine said. “The school can’t just let this
happen.”
“They don’t really care about anything if it’s not happening to their precious
star athletes,” he explained bitterly. “It’s fine. Dalton’s a good school.”
“They aren’t doing anything to protect me either,” Blaine said defensively.
“You haven’t complained or threatened to leave the school, have you?” Kurt
fired back. “You think they’d wish you luck and be glad to see you go like they
were for me?”
“What are you suggesting?” Blaine asked. “McKinley has the best swim program in
the state; my dad would never let me transfer again.”
“I’m not suggesting anything,” Kurt said honestly. “I’m just stating my reasons
for leaving. We can still see each other on weekends. It’s not like we ever saw
each other at school anyway.”
“Ouch,” Blaine said, wincing. “Guess I deserved that.”
“Why does it matter to you where I go to school?” Kurt asked, genuinely wanting
to know, not trying to be mean.
“I guess I don’t like feeling alone,” Blaine confessed. “I hate knowing if I
needed you, that you wouldn’t be there.”
“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt said, grabbing onto his hand. “I’ll always be there. But you
don’t need me, you never have. You’re surrounded by people that love you at
that school. You said yourself Puck would kill somebody for you.”
“That’s not true, I’ll always need you,” Blaine said, incredibly hurt.
“Well I’m here,” he said. “I’ll always be here whenever you need me, that won’t
change just because I’m at Dalton.”
“So you’ll answer my calls?” Blaine asked.
“Of course,” Kurt said.
“And unblock me on Facebook and Skype?” Blaine asked, this time with a slight
teasing tone to his voice, the serious mood somehow gone again.
“Just shut up and walk me to my car,” Kurt laughed. “I have an English paper to
write.”
Blaine laughed along and they stood up to throw their empty coffee cups into
the trash. Kurt felt much lighter now than he had before walking into the Lima
Bean. As happy as he was before with the Warblers, Dalton and Evan, now
everything was perfect. He had his best friend back and he’d always have
somebody to text about the latest copy of Vogue and somebody to send him new
music recommendations when his playlists got too boring. Life would be perfect
for once.
“I missed you,” Blaine said once they got to his car, pulling him into a hug.
“I missed you, too,” Kurt said, squeezing him extra tight, taking in the scent
of raspberry hair gel that would always be connected to Blaine. The hug
lingered a little long, with Kurt burying his face into Blaine’s neck where the
faintest hint of chlorine would always linger. He closed his eyes and let
himself enjoy the familiar, strictly friendly, arms around him.
This friendship thing might not be as hard as Kurt originally thought. They
seemed to be handling it rather maturely, Kurt mused as Blaine pulled back and
gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“I’ll talk to you later,” Blaine said with a giddy smile before turning on his
heel and walking towards his own car.
No, not hard indeed. If he was checking out Blaine’s ass as he walked away,
well that was only because he’d obviously gotten a new pair of jeans and Kurt
always appreciated a man with a good fashion sense.
***** Chapter 17 *****
Though Blaine had come all the way to Dalton, a school an hour and a half away
from McKinley, to serenade Kurt, it seemed that everyone knew about it by
Friday morning. Kurt had been getting text messages from McKinley students
throughout the day wanting details about his ‘affair’ with Blaine. He wasn’t
even sure that he knew that many people at McKinley, but they certainly knew
who he was now that Blaine Anderson, high school royalty, had declared his
feelings for him so publicly.
The thing was, Kurt usually wouldn’t have minded. He would have deleted the
texts and moved along like nothing had happened. He was used to being harassed.
He was used to hearing homophobic slurs and getting letters left in his locker
asking him to kill himself. Deleting texts inquiring into his sexual life was
nothing in comparison to what he’d had to deal with. It wasn’t a big deal.
Usually.
Today was different, though. Half of the student body at Dalton thought he had
cheated on Evan with the mysterious boy in the courtyard. He was getting glared
at every time his phone vibrated in his pocket, like the students thought he
was sexting Blaine in class. At the rate his phone was going off, he wasn’t
sure he could blame them.
“Jesus,” Kurt muttered as his phone went off again. He wondered if he could
reach into his pocket and turn it off without getting caught because he was
getting sick of the constant vibration throughout his history exam.
“Mr. Hummel, is there a problem?” His teacher asked while the other students
snickered at him.
“No, Mr. Humphrey,” Kurt apologized, blushing profusely. “I was just trying to
remember one of the dates for this question.”
“Well, keep the comments to yourself,” Mr. Humphrey said with a warning look.
“Talking during an examination is considered cheating and grounds for failure.”
As much as Kurt loved Dalton, he didn’t know if he’d ever get used to how
overbearingly strict they were when it came to their classes and how their
students conducted themselves. Kurt had always considered himself to be a boy
with remarkable decorum but even he thought Dalton was a bit much.
“Rough day?” Jeff asked as they exited the room. Kurt could finally breathe
again now that the test was over and Mr. Humphrey wasn’t breathing down his
neck.
“What do you think?” Kurt asked, knowing Jeff had heard the rumors going around
school. Everyone had.
“We go to an all boy’s school, they’re just starved for good drama,” Jeff
explained as they walked towards lunch together. “They’ll find something new to
focus their attention on soon.”
“You and Nick could stage a fight in the lunchroom and hurry the process along
for me,” Kurt said, only slightly joking.
“Nick’s a horrible actor, they’d never believe us,” Jeff said with a consoling
smile. “Just give it a few more days, it’ll pass.”
Kurt didn’t respond, he just rolled his eyes in disbelief and went about
filling his tray with food for lunch. He spared a glance at his phone, careful
to delete the more incriminating messages before Evan got to their table for
fear he might inadvertently see one of them. While he and Evan weren’t fighting
and everything was sunshine and rainbows between them, there was something
forced there that wasn’t before. Kurt knew that something was Blaine, but there
were only so many times he could reassure Evan that nothing was going on. He
just hoped over time Evan would forget about it and things would go back to
normal between the two of them.
From Santana:
Way to go Hummel, getting yourself involved in your first love triangle. Must
admit, even I’ve tried to bang Anderson, you must be something special.
From Unknown:
Did you guys bang? Who topped?
From Tina:
Don’t forget about what I said at the party… He really likes you.
From Unknown:
Was he as hung as he looks in his speedo?
From Lauren:
Well isn’t this interesting. I guess we’re at the Eclipse stages of our novel
where Edward and Jacob start fighting over Bella.
Kurt deleted all of the messages, except for Lauren’s, without responding. His
relationship with Blaine was fragile and new as well as private. He wasn’t
about to go sharing personal information with people he barely knew.
To Lauren:
One, I think you’ve got your references mixed up. I’ve always been Edward and
in this case I’m pretty sure you’re casting me as Bella. Two? I’m not in a love
triangle, it’s just complicated.
To Kurt:
If it walks like a cat. Talks like a cat. It’s probably already pissed on your
carpet cause guess what? It’s a fucking cat.
Kurt rolled his eyes at Lauren’s response and quickly sent off a response
telling her that it didn’t matter because he was clearly with Evan now. He
pocketed his phone quickly before his boyfriend could take his usual seat next
to him.
“Good afternoon,” Evan said placing a quick kiss on Kurt’s cheek.
Kurt smiled at him in response and pushed his tray over so they could share a
plate like they always did.
“How’d your history test go?” Evan asked casually as he ate the French fries
off the plate and Kurt started in on the pasta salad.
“Mr. Humphrey hates me so he’ll probably fail me on principle,” Kurt groaned,
thinking back to the way he’d been glared at all through the test. It was
completely unfair because Joey Walker was always talking when he wasn’t
supposed to be and he never got in trouble.
“I’m sure you did just fine,” he said with a gentle, reassuring squeeze to
Kurt’s thigh. “If not, I could always tutor you after school.”
“I’m pretty sure we tried that before and zero studying got done,” Kurt said
with a light laugh, leaning his head on Evan’s shoulder. It would always feel
nice to be able to be this close to somebody. It was an intimacy completely
different than the sexual kind. It was the safe feeling of being loved and
cared for. He was pretty sure he was addicted to that feeling—the way that a
simple brush of fingertips could be just as sexy as getting blown in the
backseat of a car.
“Is that your phone?” Evan asked him, as it continued to go off several times
in his pocket without Kurt responding.
“Yeah,” he said, but made no move to pull it out of his pocket.
“Are you going to answer that?” Evan asked, eyeing him like it was some kind of
challenge.
“It’s just Lauren,” Kurt said defensively. Even if it wasn’t, he was allowed to
text whomever he wanted. It wasn’t like he was cheating on his boyfriend.
Evan eyed him suspiciously for a few more minutes, but thankfully said no more
on the subject and they continued to eat their lunch while chatting about
classes and Warblers practice. There was a tension around them that Kurt could
feel, but was unwilling to comment on. He knew Evan was reluctant to fight
about this and Kurt didn’t know if he could put up with any more of his
passive-aggressive behavior on the matter.
****
By the time Kurt got home from school that day, his house was in chaos. Finn
was sitting at the kitchen table while Carole held an ice pack to his eye and
his dad paced the kitchen back and forth.
“What’s going on?” he asked tentatively, setting his backpack down on one of
the empty chairs to put away later. The sight of Finn with a bruise forming
around his left eye was a little disheartening.
“Your precious Olympian punched me,” Finn grumbled, causing Burt to let out a
curse and start grumbling about how horrible of a school McKinley must be.
“Blaine punched you?” Kurt asked, completely blindsided. Finn just nodded.
Blaine hadn’t told him anything about a confrontation with Finn and he had a
hard time believing he went around hitting just anybody. Sure, he got into that
fight on New Year’s Eve, but they had been pushed into a corner. He had thrown
a punch before somebody else could jump him or hurt Kurt. It had been out of
necessity…
“What did you do?” Kurt asked suspiciously. Blaine wouldn’t have just punched
Finn for no reason and given their history he had a hard time believing Finn
hadn’t done something.
“Nothing!” Finn yelled, causing Carole and Burt to exchange concerned looks.
“You said the principal called you to his office?” Carole asked, though it
sounded like they’d already been through these details.
“He gave us both detention! Now I have to spend an hour in the gym working out
with him every day until the end of the school year!” Finn threw his hands up
in the air, a dumb look of false innocence on his face. It seemed to work on
Carole though because she looked helplessly to Burt.
“Give me Blaine’s house number, I’m calling his parents,” Burt said, looking at
Kurt expectantly.
“I don’t have it,” Kurt lied, not wanting to give it away until he knew the
whole story. He didn’t want to get Blaine in trouble without knowing what had
actually happened. He understood that his parents were upset, but they also
didn’t know all the history between Blaine and Finn. They didn’t know that the
feud between them went both ways.
“Call him,” Burt commanded, leaving no room for argument.
“I didn’t think he was the type to start fights,” Carole said.
“He’s not the perfect kid you all think he is,” Finn argued. “He was only being
nice to you because he wanted to get into Kurt’s pants.”
“Finn!” Kurt yelled, blushing. He knew that was Finn’s opinion, but he didn’t
have to say it quite so bluntly in front of their parents. Especially when Kurt
knew that was far from the truth.
“If you didn’t do anything, why did the school give you detention too?” Burt
asked, trying to remain level headed through this, but Kurt could see the
tension in his shoulders. He knew it was only a matter of time before his dad
snapped.
“Because they’re being completely unfair!” Finn grumbled. “I didn’t do
anything.”
“I’m sure,” Kurt muttered under his breath but left the room to go call Blaine
as his father requested.
He wasn’t condoning violence by any means. He certainly wasn’t happy Blaine had
hit Finn. He just wasn’t going to settle for only hearing Finn’s side of the
story when history would show that Finn was notorious for leaving out important
details. Like the fact he had been the one to out Blaine to the entire school.
“Hey,” Blaine answered the phone quietly after the second ring.
“Why are you whispering?” Kurt asked, distracted by Blaine’s strange behavior
and momentarily forgetting why he called.
“I’m not technically supposed to be talking on the phone,” he continued to
speak softly. “I’m grounded.”
Grounded. Blaine had punched Finn at school and given him a black eye, Kurt
reminded himself. That had been why he called. His dad and Carole were
downstairs right now arguing about violence in schools while Finn claimed he’d
been attacked for no reason. Burt had asked for Blaine’s home number. He wanted
to talk to Blaine’s parents about the entire mess since the school seemed
unwilling to do anything about bullying.
“You’re grounded because you punched Finn?” Kurt asked, needing to hear the
entire story. He was pretty sure that Finn’s line that he’d been attacked for
no reason was complete bull shit.
“And perfect Finn can do no wrong,” Blaine said, sounding frustrated.
“Did I say that?” Kurt asked, defensively. He wasn’t blaming Blaine completely,
but he also couldn’t pretend that violence was excusable either. He just wanted
to understand why.
“He did,” Blaine muttered. “He stood there in Figgins’ office and refused to
admit any fault. Again.”
“What happened?” Kurt asked, rubbing his temples to starve off an oncoming
headache.
“I just snapped, alright?” he said and Kurt could practically hear his shrug
and could picture him standing there with his eyes staring broodingly off in
the distance. “If you could see my Tony Perotti bag, you’d understand why.”
“What did he do to you?”
“Nothing,” Blaine said dismissively. “It’s not important. I shouldn’t have
punched him.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” he said. “But I also know you wouldn’t have punched
him unless you thought he deserved it.”
“He’s been getting on my case a lot,” Blaine explained. “All the football team
is.”
“It must have been something really bad if you punched somebody,” Kurt said,
hoping to get him to talk more. He didn’t often have this much trouble getting
Blaine to open up to him, but then again, he always did take longer to talk
about the more serious things that happened to him. It had taken weeks for the
entire story about why he’d left his old school to come out. That’s what made
Kurt so nervous. If Blaine was dancing around the truth, it had to be pretty
bad.
“Just locker shoves and rude comments, nothing out of the ordinary,” he
explained.
“You said something happened to your bag?” Kurt asked, refusing to drop this.
He couldn’t. Not when his family was downstairs thinking that Blaine was some
crazy kid for punching Finn. Not when he could hear his dad and Finn arguing
about him transferring to Dalton, too.
“He drew a really graphic drawing on it with permanent marker, which was
surprisingly detailed for somebody that’s managed to fail out of Art class,”
Blaine explained. “It was accompanied by a really nice message saying ‘This bag
belongs to Blaine Up-the-Ass-derson’ and a few choice words about me being a
whore. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, it’s the same shit he’s been drawing
on all the bathroom stalls.”
“That’s horrible,” Kurt gasped, horrified that Finn would do such a thing after
the massive blowout that had happened when he’d used that word with Kurt in
their basement last year and had been kicked out of the house. “I love that
bag.”
“Well, it’s ruined now,” Blaine complained. “When I confronted him about it he
told me it was a reminder to stay away from you and that he wasn’t going to
feel bad for me just because you told him that my dad doesn’t love me.”
“I never said that!” Kurt yelled, now completely outraged. How dare Finn use
that against Blaine. All Kurt had said was that Finn might try being nicer to
Blaine since he didn’t have the perfect home life Finn thought he did.
“It doesn’t matter,” Blaine said. “I really have to go. My dad wants me at the
pool in a half hour.”
“Will you call me when you’re done?” Kurt asked.
“I’ve got to get to bed early tonight, I’ve got a private session at 6am,” he
explained, sounding exhausted.
“Why?” Kurt asked. He knew that Blaine liked to go to school early to swim and
that they occasionally had morning practices, but tomorrow was Saturday and 6am
was early, even for Blaine.
“The school wants to try some lame Disney Channel punishment where Finn and I
go to the gym together for an hour every day—as if that’s going to turn us into
best friends. If anything, it’s just going to make things worse,” Blaine
grumbled. “My dad’s furious that it’s taking time away from my training. He’s
making me get up early every day to make up for it.”
“At 6am?” Kurt said, baffled. How much more could Blaine honestly work out and
it still be considered healthy?
“Well, I had to show him my bruises to justify getting in trouble for hitting
somebody,” Blaine explained. “I’ve really got to go.”
“No,” Kurt protested. “Bruises? What are you talking about?”
“He was pissed that I let somebody get a jump on me,” he explained very
quickly, Kurt could hear shuffling through the line. “He told me that it was
embarrassing for a future Olympian and any Anderson to let an overweight
football player leave a single mark on him. Those were his words not mine,
before you go yelling at me for ragging on Finn.”
“That’s horrible!” Kurt cried out. Kurt honestly hated Mr. Anderson more and
more with every story he heard about him. Mr. Anderson showed no leniency when
it came to Blaine. It was like he forgot that Blaine was only 16 years old and
prone to making mistakes. He was a teenager, yet he was never allowed to act
like it.
“I’ll try and call you tomorrow, but I’ve really got to go,” he said.
“Goodbye.”
Kurt didn’t get a chance to say goodbye back before the phone went dead. He
groaned in frustration, annoyed that he didn’t even know why Blaine had bruises
to begin with apart from they had something to do with Finn. Perfect Finn who
was letting their parents get riled up while he pretended to have no fault in
this game. Well, the jig was up, because Kurt was going to tell them all about
how he’d outed Blaine and started this entire feud to begin with.
Kurt threw his phone on the bed in defeat and headed back down the stairs to
deal with his outraged family. He found them right where he left them, still
fawning over Finn and his black eye like he was some faultless victim.
“What did you do?” Kurt said, trying to control his rage at the thought of
Blaine having bruises of any sort.
He knew how badly Blaine was bullied at his old school and how desperately he
clung to the safety of McKinley. If Finn had messed that up for him, if Finn
was honestly bullying him, then Kurt wasn’t going to let this go. Not after
Finn witnessed firsthand how devastating bullying could be. His own brother had
been forced to change schools because he’d been harassed. Their parents had
been forced to forgo their honeymoon so that they could afford to send Kurt to
Dalton while they waited for lawyers to sort out the mess at McKinley. How did
Finn get off treating another human being with such little regard?
“I already told you, nothing,” Finn argued.
“You’re lying!” Kurt yelled.
“Kurt!” Carole said, giving him a hurt look.
Burt had the decency to look more suspicious. “What’s going on? Did you call
Blaine?”
“Tell everyone the truth, Finn,” Kurt said with a mocking smile. “Tell them
what you did.”
“Of course you would side with him,” Finn complained, standing up out of his
chair and towering over Kurt, but Kurt refused to back down. “It’s like the
fact that he’s gay automatically means you take his side no matter how horrible
of a person he is.”
“Boys, sit down!” Burt commanded, pushing Finn away from Kurt before things
could escalate any more.
“Why does everyone that’s gay have to come with a disclaimer?” Kurt asked. “You
can’t have a single conversation without bringing up mine or Blaine’s
sexuality. Don’t sit here and whine about how victimized you are when you’re
the homophobic asshole that started this whole thing.”
“Finn?” Carole pulled Finn’s attention away, silently asking him for an
explanation.
“So now you’re all under his spell?” Finn snapped. “My own mother is going to
take his side?”
“There are no sides here, sweetheart,” she explained. “We’re just trying to
understand what happened.”
“Finn outed Blaine to the whole school last year because he couldn’t handle the
fact that he drove Puck away and Puck realized what a horrible, heartless
person Finn is and decided to befriend Blaine instead,” Kurt explained, not
caring about the repercussions of what he was saying. His parents looked even
more confused than before trying to follow everything that he was telling them.
“He did what?” Burt said, a dangerous edge to his voice.
“It wasn’t like everyone didn’t already suspect,” Finn said, but it was obvious
that he was just fumbling for any weak excuse he could to avoid Burt’s wrath.
“Nobody suspected!” Kurt yelled. “He had girls throwing themselves at him all
the time. He was one of the popular kids, and lord knows you guys are never in
danger of being accused of being gay. He was safe before you did that to him.”
“He was living a lie then, is it so bad that I told the truth?” Finn argued.
“He was terrified to come out,” Kurt said, feeling himself getting much more
emotionally invested in this conversation that he meant to. He’d always said he
wouldn’t take sides, but Kurt couldn’t be Switzerland in this. Not when his own
emotions and struggles with bullying were so closely tied to the emotions
Blaine had to have been feeling when it came to Finn. To Blaine, Finn was his
Karofsky.
“He’s not scared of anything,” Finn said. “He just acts like that so you’ll
scramble over yourself to comfort him.”
“He was gay bashed at his old school for coming out of the closet,” Kurt
yelled.
Everyone looked at Kurt in shock, Burt and Carole looked horrified while Finn
had enough tact to look somewhat guilty.
“He came out at his old school and they were so homophobic that they beat him
up. They put him in the hospital and he missed so much school he had to repeat
his freshman year,” Kurt explained, feeling tears coming to his eyes as he
realized how easily that could have been him.
Now imagine how nice it must have felt for him to come to McKinley and make new
friends,” Kurt continued to explain. “To have boys like Mike and Puck on his
side that found out he was gay and were understanding enough to help him keep
his secret.
He was terrified of getting hurt. Then you blow that all to hell by outing him
to the entire school.”
“Nobody cared that he was gay, they all still thought he walked on water
because he’s on the stupid National Swim Team,” Finn said, trying to justify
his behavior, but it was useless. Even Finn knew he was in the wrong by this
point.
“You cared that he was gay,” Kurt countered. “You continue to let the football
players harass him and you bully him worse than anyone else. You let them bully
me.”
“He’s not an angel, you should hear the things he says to me,” Finn said. “He
called Rachel a man the other day.”
“That still doesn’t give you the right to harass somebody for their sexuality,”
Kurt said. “Jesus Christ, I’m gay! You’d think that would be enough to make you
stop this stupid thing, but it’s not. Do you have any idea how serious this all
is?”
“Kurt, maybe you should go upstairs,” Carole suggested. “Your father and I need
to talk to Finn alone.”
“Fine,” Kurt grumbled, going back up to his room and slamming the door.
It didn’t take long for his emotions to catch up with him and he found himself
crying on the bed. He cried for himself and the fact that he had to transfer
schools twice in order to find acceptance. He cried for Blaine, who had found a
group of friends who loved him for him but still had to deal with the crippling
fear of being bullied. He cried for their lost relationship that never had a
chance to grow because they went to a school that would never accept their
love. He cried for every kid that had to go through the pain of realizing they
weren’t normal in society’s eyes all because they fell in love with somebody of
the same gender.
He sobbed for what felt like days, letting out all the pain and frustration
he’d been holding in ever since transferring to Dalton. He cried because he’d
finally found a safe home but still felt a stupidly large hole in his heart
because of Blaine. He cried because he didn’t want to have to choose between
Evan and Blaine when he cared about them both. He shouldn’t even have to make
this decision because he should live in a world where nobody was bullied. Where
Blaine could be strong and Kurt could be safe and he never would have gone to
Dalton and met Evan.
Ever since he had, his heart had been pulled in two different directions and he
was too young to know which direction was the right one. He cried thinking
about Blaine with bruises littering his body while he got to bask in the love
and complete adoration of another.
When he finally wore himself out, he fell asleep and was grateful to find Finn
gone by the time he woke up in the morning. He didn’t want to deal with his
brother. He didn’t think he could look him in the eyes knowing he’d battered
and bruised the most important person in the world to him.
Fuck. Blaine was the most important person to him. Not Evan, Blaine. It was a
fact. He couldn’t deny it now. The problem was he didn’t know what to do with
that realization. The truth still remained that Blaine wasn’t ready to be in a
relationship and Kurt was still with Evan. Evan, a boy he really, genuinely
cared about. Evan, the boy who looked at him like he walked on water while
Blaine was still too scared at times to even glance at him.
Even if he loved Blaine, did that mean they were meant to be together? Was he
supposed to give up on a relationship that had brought him nothing but pleasure
for one that brought him nothing but drama and pain?
People really shouldn’t meet their Blaine’s so early in life; it just made
everything too complicated when they were too young to deal with all of these
intense emotions.
****
Over the next two weeks, Blaine started texting Kurt with much more frequency
and Kurt found that it calmed him to hear the constant updates. Since he
couldn’t be at McKinley to make sure that Blaine was alright every step of the
way, he figured that things couldn’t be too bad if Blaine was texting him funny
jokes and commentary about his old classmates every day.
Kurt had started growing used to the antsy feeling all through class as his
phone would go off and he’d have to ignore it. Dalton was a lot stricter about
their school work and Kurt would hate it if his father got called into a
meeting with his headmaster all because he’d been unable to wait to read a text
messages about Rachel Berry’s latest fashion crime. His dad was spending all of
his savings to send Kurt here, he owed it to him to at least get good grades
and stay out of trouble.
Still, that didn’t stop him from smiling every time his phone would vibrate in
his pocket. It didn’t stop him from counting down the minutes left in class
until he could sneak away to a bathroom stall to send Blaine a response.
It wasn’t just Blaine contacting him more though, it was Evan, too. Whereas
they used to have set dates every Saturday night and dinner every other
Wednesday with nightly phone dates in between, he’d been surprising Kurt more
and more. Last week, Kurt had been taken to a jazz concert on Tuesday, a movie
on Thursday, dinner on Friday, a party on Saturday, and dinner with Evan’s
parents on Sunday. It wasn’t that Kurt minded, Evan was always so eager to
spend time with Kurt and that made him feel wanted.
It was just frustrating. Kurt kept making plans with other people (okay plans
with Blaine, but still—plans) and having to cancel them. He could have told
Evan no, sure, but he always looked so excited that Kurt couldn’t find it in
himself to break his heart. He couldn’t exactly turn down tickets to see Nicki
Minaj when his original plans involved sitting on a couch with Blaine and
watching Singing in the Rain for the hundredth time.
Blaine always seemed to understand even if they were both practically desperate
to spend more time together. That is why Kurt came up with the brilliant idea
of trying to get Blaine and Evan to be friends. If they could all get along, he
wouldn’t have to choose between the two of them when things came up. He could
hang out with them both at the same time. It was a win/win in Kurt’s eyes. He
just had to figure out a way to convince Evan that it was a good idea.
The two of them were currently eating their lunch around the side of the
building where very few students ventured and they were unlikely to get
lectured by teachers about propriety if they occasionally fell into heated make
out sessions. Kurt was pulling away from his arms to finish his sandwich when
Evan provided him with the perfect opportunity to bring up a potential
friendship with Blaine.
“So there’s this cute little Indian place opening up on Saturday that we should
go check out,” he said with an excited smile.
“That sounds great,” Kurt agreed. “But I can’t go on Saturday.”
“Why? What’s going on?” Evan asked casually.
“Blaine’s got the State Championship and I told him I’d take him out to dinner
afterwards,” he explained. He could see Evan holding back a comment and it made
Kurt roll his eyes in annoyance. “You don’t even know him, how can you possibly
dislike him this much?”
“He serenaded you in front of the entire school and looked like he wanted to
devour you—”
“He did not,” Kurt protested. “He’s going through a really rough time right now
and he needs a friend. That’s it. I think if you got to know him, if you really
gave him a chance, you’d see you actually like him. You guys could go to soccer
games together; he’s actually really knowledgeable about it and would be far
more interested than I am.”
“I thought you enjoyed going to the games with me,” Evan said, looking wounded.
“I enjoy doing anything with you,” he quickly said, giving him a quick kiss in
apology. “And I’ll continue going to the MLS games with you because you enjoy
them and I enjoy you, but that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly all about soccer.”
“So you’re just placating me?” Evan asked.
“I’m indulging you,” he explained, grabbing him by the neck and pulling him in
close. “Isn’t that what a good boyfriend does?”
The two began making out and Evan pushed Kurt down onto his back and rolled on
top of him. Kurt immediately felt uncomfortable and pushed Evan away.
“Not here,” he said in response to Evan’s questioning gaze.
“You really shouldn’t tease me like that then,” Evan said in what was supposed
to come out as a joking way, but it sounded slightly sinister to Kurt’s ears.
“Come with me on Saturday,” Kurt quickly changed the topic before they could
get into another discussion about sex. He really wasn’t ready to have sex with
Evan yet and Evan clearly was. It had been coming up almost anytime they were
alone together.
“You want me to come cheer Blaine on at a swim meet?” Evan asked, doubtfully.
“You can keep me company so I’m not all alone,” he said, batting his eyelashes.
“Then the three of us can all go out to dinner together.”
“I don’t know—”
“Please?” Kurt begged, pushing his lower lip out in a way he knew Evan couldn’t
deny. “It would mean a lot to me if you two could be friends.”
“If it means that much to you—”
“It does,” Kurt confirmed, quickly before Evan could talk himself out if it.
“Then I guess I’m in,” Evan said, making Kurt clap with excitement.
“Perfect!” he cheered. “I’ll just tell Blaine, I’m sure he’ll be happy to
finally get to know the boy I won’t stop talking about.”
Okay, so that wasn’t exactly true. Kurt usually tried to avoid the topic of
Evan with Blaine because it was a sensitive issue, but Evan didn’t need to know
that. He was insecure enough about the whole thing as it was.
“I’m sure he is,” Evan said under his breath, thinking that Kurt couldn’t hear
him. He decided to let it go. If Evan still felt the same way about Blaine
after spending some time with him, they’d deal with it then.
***** Blaine Interlude 17.5 *****
Blaine cursed his father often. Every time he made a comment under his breath
about his sexuality. Each time he scheduled a private swimming session and
Blaine had to cancel plans with his friends. Every time he was forced to endure
a lecture on how hard he would have to work if he wanted to achieve anything in
life, he cursed his dad’s name. At the moment though, he was cursing him more
than usual due to a serious lack of sleep.
All Blaine wanted was a day off after pushing himself to the limit yesterday in
the gym with Finn. The two of them had gotten involved in a stupid contest of
wills as they kept increasing inclines and speeds on the treadmill and ended up
spending two hours running until their legs felt like they would fall off. Yet
here Blaine was, the very next day, at six in the morning on the treadmill
again thanks to his father deciding to pull his coach into a meeting to discuss
increasing his training.
Increasing. As if Blaine wasn’t working hard enough juggling McKinley Swim
practice, private lessons and an hour a day in the gym with Finn, his dad
thought he needed more time to work out. It wasn’t enough that Blaine had
already qualified for the World Championships in Shanghai this summer with five
of his events. No, his father was insistent that he make the qualifying times
for his other three events, too. He was insistent that he not just meet the
qualifying times for the World Championships, but that his times would be
strong enough to win. Not place in the top 10—win.
It was like his dad forgot that he was only sixteen going on seventeen. He was
going to be competing against professional swimmers like Michael Phelps and
Ryan Lochte, not to mention all the international swimmers he would be facing.
Blaine wanted to win, sure. He was dedicated enough to work hard at improving
his times, so much so that he rarely complained when he had to be up early
every morning to swim before school started. He just wanted one day though, one
glorious day of vegging out so that his poor, poor legs could take a break.
Clearly that was too much to ask for.
“Now you’re showing up early?” Finn asked, walking into the weight room and
dropping his towel and water bottle on the bench. “What are you trying to
prove?”
“Nothing,” he said as he continued to run on the treadmill. When Finn continued
to glare at him, he just tilted his head to where his father was currently in
the middle of an intense meeting with Coach Roz and Coach Beiste.
“What? Now Daddy is trying to get you out of our lame detention?” Finn mocked
him as he got on the treadmill beside him and matched Blaine’s speed and
incline level, unwilling to be outran by him. Blaine rolled his eyes.
“An hour?!” Finn gasped when he saw the time going on Blaine’s screen. “You’ve
seriously been here for an hour already? You know that our time doesn’t start
until we are both here, right?”
“Trust me, I’m very clear on the rules of this stupid arrangement,” Blaine
grumbled, not wanting to share with Finn the fact that he’d been sentenced to
extra time on the treadmill when his father had overheard him explaining to
Kurt that Finn had almost bested him on the machine. He’d tried to tell his
father that they’d been running for two hours and it didn’t mean he wasn’t in
excellent shape but his dad would hear none of it. If he couldn’t out run a kid
from school, how was he supposed to out swim everyone in the world?
“So why is your dad here?” Finn asked, after they’d been running in silence for
ten minutes and his dad didn’t show any signs of coming out anytime soon.
“He wants our sessions to be harder,” Blaine explained. “He thinks I’m slacking
off now that my time in the pool’s been cut back in order to work out with
you.”
“Eye’s always on the prize,” he said sarcastically, not realizing how true his
words really were.
“I’m not going to place at World’s or qualify for the Olympic Team by eating
Fritos on the couch every night,” he said, subtly digging at Finn.
Finn glared at him and they resumed their workout in silence. Blaine was still
annoyed that they’d been banned from bringing their headphones into their
workouts. Apparently this time was supposed to be spent talking to each other
and working through their problems. As if that was even a remote possibility.
His dad finally emerged from the office with a smile on his face about halfway
through his workout with Finn. He walked up to Blaine’s treadmill and checked
his stats before bumping the incline up another level. Blaine wanted to groan
as he his thighs were already screaming at him, but he kept it to himself. His
father would murder him if he showed any signs of weakness, especially in front
of Finn.
“What’s your heart rate?” he asked.
Blaine looked down at the heart rate monitor he wore when working out.
“170,” Blaine answered, already knowing what his dad was about to say.
“That’s rather high considering you’re not even running that fast,” he chided.
“Do you want me to go faster?” Blaine asked, praying that he wouldn’t say yes.
He wasn’t sure he was going to make it to the hour mark as it was.
“No, no,” his dad shook his head. “Your trainer said to aim for 170. I just
figured you’d be in better shape than this.”
Blaine could see Finn’s eyes bugging out. They were already running on speed 8,
the machine only had 10 speed settings and Blaine had already been at it for 95
minutes. Finn didn’t understand—this was what it took to be an Olympian. This
was what it took to find acceptance in his father’s eyes.
“Coach Roz agreed to open the pool an hour earlier for you so you won’t lose
any time now,” his dad explained as if this was the best news. “I told her
you’d be in every morning at 5.”
“Sounds great,” he said, trying not to sound ungrateful so his father would
just leave already.
“I’ve got to get to work,” his dad said. “Don’t forget that you’ve got another
private session at 7 tonight.”
Once his dad left, Finn turned his head to give him a look that said he thought
the whole exchange had been crazy.
“When do you have time to do school work?” he asked.
“I guess it’s lucky that no school’s going to be accepting me because of my
GPA,” Blaine said, inwardly cringing. He didn’t want to be another stupid
athlete that relied on his sport to get him anywhere in life. He didn’t want to
be one of those people that couldn’t keep up in social conversations because
his entire life education revolved around aerodynamics in water and calculating
swim times.
Finn was right, this new schedule had taken away all of his studying time, but
it would be worth it in the end. When he finally got put on the Olympic team
and he could see the look of pride on his father’s face. When he could write
his ticket to any university he wanted, it would be worth it. He’d study his
ass off the second he got to college and would pull back on his training. For
now though, this was his life.
“Must be nice,” Finn said bitterly, mostly likely thinking about how he’d never
get a football scholarship when the football team at McKinley could barely win
more than two games a season.
“You don’t have to go to school for football,” Blaine explained, feeling oddly
generous all of a sudden. “You’re a decent performer. If you practiced more and
took up dance classes, you could probably get a dramatic arts scholarship.”
“What are you doing?” Finn asked, turning off the treadmill once it beeped that
their hour long sentence was up.
“What do you mean?” he countered, confused about what he meant.
“You’re going to start giving me shit for being in Glee Club now?” Finn
challenged.
“No?” Blaine said. Was this kid on crack or just that dumb? He’d been trying to
be nice for a change. Yet again, Finn smacked his attempts to be friendly down.
He didn’t know why the administration thought they could ever work things out.
“Never mind, just forget it,” Blaine finished, storming off towards the locker
room to get ready for school. His legs felt like Jell-O and he was dizzy
because he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet apart from a granola bar on the drive
over. He couldn’t admit that these sessions were wearing on him physically
though, not unless Finn crashed first. He’d never hear the end of it.
To Kurt:
Please tell me he goes home at night and cries about how sore he is.
Blaine sent the text off and immediately put the phone in his locker and hit
the showers. He’d been texting Kurt so often in the past two weeks that he
already knew his schedule by heart. Currently, Kurt would be driving to school
and since he refused to text and drive, Blaine knew he had about fifteen
minutes before he could expect a response.
Right on time, just as Blaine was finishing up gelling his hair, Kurt’s
response came in.
To Blaine:
The school’s magic plan to make you besties isn’t working out then?
To Kurt:
Don’t even.
Just tell me he feels pain and that he’s not a robot.
To Blaine:
You didn’t hear this from me, but he borrowed my bath salts yesterday and took
an hour long soak because he was so sore. ;)
To Kurt:
Thanks.
To Blaine:
Have a great day at school!
He let out a deep sigh, wishing Kurt could be here at McKinley with him instead
of all the way at Dalton. It was positively unfair that Blaine had to paint on
a brave smile every day and deal with the bullying alone when there was
somebody out there who would understand all his pain and frustration perfectly.
Kurt was his best friend and his rock. He didn’t know how to be brave without
him, yet he was being forced to figure it out on his own.
It all started when Kurt left. Finn began shoulder-checking him in the hallway
and saying rude things under his breath about staying away from Kurt. He’d even
had some of his friends throw him into the dumpster for good measure. Jackson
and his friends had taken to shoving him into lockers hard enough to bruise in
retaliation for the beating Blaine had given him on New Years. It was obnoxious
and hard to handle while also dealing with the pain of Kurt leaving, but he’d
managed. He always had a witty retort and he knew the swim team was giving the
footballers just as much shit as they were giving him.
Then the entire school found out he serenaded Kurt at ‘that gay school’ and
things had started to change. It took him awhile to understand why. They’d
known he was gay before, but being a nationally ranked swimmer that ran with
the popular crowd gave him protection. It changed people’s view of him. He was
gay, but he only slept with older college boys and men in their twenties. He
got drunk and convinced all the straight boys from school to fool around with
him. He was acting on his sexuality, yes, but it had been done in such a
dominate way through their eyes that it was excusable.
The second he serenaded Kurt it was basically a red flag to the rest of the
school that he wasn’t who they thought he was. He wasn’t some guy who let
other’s go down on him in the bathroom. He didn’t bend college boys over the
table and fuck them rough and hard. Of course, Blaine had never done those
things anyway, but it was obvious that’s what everyone assumed of him. No, the
second he admitted his affection for Kurt, the tide had turned against him.
It was the stupidest thing in the world. As if there were levels of being gay
and he somehow stepped over the line from acceptable to disgusting.
Now Blaine had to deal with almost daily slushies. He got to deal with crude
drawings on bathroom stalls of him being gang banged. Even the most well-
meaning of classmates would ask him if he really let Kurt Hummel, of all
people, top him. Because singing a song to a boy meant he had zero power in a
relationship according to his peers; he was essentially Kurt’s lapdog. He was
constantly being mocked and those were the manageable days. On the bad days, he
would find himself being pushed to the ground and spit on. He was shoved into
lockers. He’d even been locked in a port-a-potty and had it tipped over.
Every time something like this would happen, Blaine would think of Kurt. He’d
think of how much he wanted him there to comfort Blaine. Then he’d remember why
he wasn’t there, because Kurt had been bullied and Blaine hadn’t helped him.
Nobody had helped him and he’d been forced to transfer schools and hook up with
some obnoxious Enrique Iglesias wanna be.
Now the most Blaine could ask of Kurt was for friendly texts back and forth and
occasionally hanging out on the weekend when he wasn’t busy with his boyfriend.
He couldn’t complain though—he shouldn’t complain. At least Kurt was talking to
him again.
The school day passed relatively event free, which was a miracle in Blaine’s
eyes. There had only been one run-in today. Jackson had knocked his lunch tray
to the ground and Blaine had been two seconds from taking the plastic tray and
bashing the jock’s face in when Puck had dragged him away. That had been it and
for Blaine, that meant it’d been a great day.
He was practically skipping to the locker room to get ready for practice when
his good mood was ruined with a single text.
To Blaine:
Evan’s going to join me on Saturday for your big meet. You two can finally be
friends! Isn’t that great?
Blaine was smart enough not to send back a lengthy text on all the ways that
most certainly wasn’t great. He wasn’t an idiot. His time with Kurt was limited
and their friendship was still tentative. If Evan was the guy Kurt had given
his heart to, Blaine didn’t think he could change his mind. In fact, he was
pretty sure if he voiced his true opinion of Evan—if he told Kurt that he
thought he was a controlling asshole—it would only drive Kurt away.
As much as it sucked to see Kurt with somebody else, he was going to have to
put up with it on his own and pray Kurt came to his senses eventually and took
Blaine back. Until then, Blaine was just going to have to be the best friend
there ever was and prove to Kurt that he was worth it. If that meant acting
like he was happy Evan was coming to his swim meet, he’d do it.
It annoyed Blaine though. They hadn’t been able to hang out since they’d
decided to try being friends again. Every time they found time in Blaine’s busy
training schedule to hang out, Evan would pull Kurt away from him. The horrible
thing was Blaine didn’t even think Kurt realized it was happening. He’d been
looking forward to Saturday because it had been the one day Kurt swore up and
down that they would hang out and now he would have to share Kurt with him.
To Kurt:
Can’t wait!
Blaine stashed his phone away and headed out to the pool before he could change
his mind and beg Kurt not to bring Evan. If he was going to have an audience
this weekend, he was going to make sure he didn’t just win (which was a given
seeing as he was the only high school swimmer in the state and one of only a
few in the country to qualify for the World Championships); he was going to
post his best times yet. He was going to shatter the State record he’d set last
year, the one nobody could come close to touching.
He’d like to see Evan compete with that. He knew how attracted Kurt was to his
body. He’d spent several sexy nights with Kurt listening to how the sight of
Blaine in his Speedo, dripping wet made him hard. He also knew Kurt was turned
on by success and determination. If Evan wanted to come to his swim meet, that
was fine. It wasn’t going to stop Blaine from playing every card in his hand.
He was in love with Kurt, and while he promised he’d never vocalize those
feelings again as long as Kurt was dating somebody else, that didn’t mean he
couldn’t try and hurry their breakup along.
****
The morning Blaine woke up and realized he had the State Championships; he was
tempted to crawl back in bed and never leave. He’d been dreading this day ever
since the high school season had begun, it meant that today was the last day
he’d be with his McKinley teammates. After today’s meet, Blaine would increase
his training and go back to competing on the national and international
circuit. He’d have to rejoin his team in Dublin, all the way on the other side
of Ohio. He was dreading it.
The United Swim Association had been the team he’d grown up competing with.
After his first gold medal with the YMCA when he was six, his father had
enrolled him in a more competitive program and he’d been with the USA ever
since. It was the team he’d competed on when he’d made the Jr. National Team.
It was the team he competed for when he attended the Jr. Pan Pacific
Championships in Hawaii this summer and had taken home four gold medals, three
silver and one bronze. His coaches were more than qualified to coach him
through the upcoming World Championship in Shanghai. It wasn’t the coaches he
was dreading, it was his teammates.
They were brutal. The intense competition between everyone was horrible and he
always got the worst of it because he’d always been the best swimmer they had.
He was going to miss the days of swimming with Mike, Puck and Sam because they
were fortunate enough to always be genuinely supportive of one another. It was
only for the summer though, he reminded himself. Come next November, he’d be
allowed to go back to competing with McKinley again. Thank God for small
miracles and his father agreeing to let him swim for his school team for half
of the year.
His dad knew how much he hated training in Dublin and was surprisingly
understanding about it all. He arranged it so that Blaine would only have to
drive out to train at the team’s aquatic center three times a week—Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Saturdays. He paid Coach Roz to train Blaine every morning at
school and had a private trainer for the other nights of the week. It sucked to
have to train alone, but it was better than dealing with kids tripping him in
the locker room in hopes that he’d break his arm and be unable to compete.
No, today was not a day that Blaine was looking forward to—especially now that
Kurt was bringing a date to their date. He really wasn’t looking forward to
being the third wheel when they all went to dinner tonight to celebrate his
win. However, if that was the price he had to pay to hang out with Kurt, then
he would pay it a million times over. That’s how badly he needed Kurt in his
life. Kurt made all the shitty things he dealt with on a daily basis much more
bearable.
“Are you ready for your big meet?” his mother asked him when he came down the
stairs to grab breakfast. He set his duffle back by the front door so they
could leave as soon as he finished.
“It’s only a State Championship,” his father answered for him. “He should be
more nervous about the Michigan Grand Prix next month. Not a lot of chances
left to qualify for your other events.”
“I’ve been working really hard, I’ve got all my times down to qualifying time
already,” he explained, hoping his dad would let it be. While his freestyle
time had never been an issue, he had struggled all year to get his breaststroke
times down and it had affected his ability to qualify for World’s with his 100m
and 200m Breaststroke as well as his 400m IM.
“And I keep telling you that you can’t be satisfied with just qualifying,” his
dad chastised him. “If you settle for qualifying, you’re never going to be able
to compete with Olympic medalists.”
“Okay,” his mother interrupted them before his father could really get going.
“We’ve got to get going if Blaine wants to make it on time.”
Blaine was happy his father had opted to come later in the afternoon after
prelims were over. He didn’t want to deal with him for the entire two hour
drive to Canton. He was even happier that Angeli was going to come to the meet,
which meant he would get to spend the two hour drive laughing with his mother
and aunt as they spoke in Tagalog and kept his mind off of swimming.
His mother was always so much more enjoyable when his dad wasn’t around and she
didn’t have to cater to his every whim. In fact, she made it through the entire
drive without one of her patent sighs, even though Angeli spent the drive
asking him questions about Kurt. In fact, she seemed just as invested in his
answers as his aunt was.
Once they got to the school where State was being held, his mom and Angeli left
him with a hug and ‘good luck’ while he headed around towards registration to
meet up with the rest of his team. The guys were almost all there by the time
he caught up with them and were just waiting for Coach Roz to get back from
checking them all in. She liked to be the one to get everyone registered and
ready to go so she could be certain of lane numbers and event times.
“You’re Blaine Anderson,” a little boy came up to him, tugging on Blaine’s
sweatpants.
“Yes, hi,” Blaine said, with a big smile. He was used to little kids coming up
to talk to him at this point. He’d been to enough events with the Junior
National Team to be used to the attention. He didn’t often get young fans at
his high school meets, but that didn’t mean this was the first time this had
happened in front of his McKinley friends either.
“What’s your name?” Blaine asked, kneeling down to be at the boy’s level.
“Riley,” the boy said shyly. “My mommy says you’re going to be the best swimmer
in the whole world soon.”
Blaine ignored his teammates playful snickering behind him and focused back on
the little boy with a toothless smile.
“That’s very nice of your mom,” he said kindly. “Do you like to swim?”
He nodded enthusiastically, reminding Blaine so much of himself when he was
that age. “We came to watch you.”
“His older brother is competing with Allen East today,” a woman, presumably his
mother, came running up to pick the boy up. “I’m sorry if he was bothering
you.”
“He wasn’t,” Blaine said quickly.
He honestly didn’t mind. He remembered being that little and looking up to all
the older swimmers at his meets and wanting to be just like them. He remembered
how special he felt when those swimmers would acknowledge him. Shit, just this
past summer he remembered freaking out after Natalie Coughlin came up to him to
congratulate him after one of his first place finishes. He didn’t feel like he
deserved the attention most of the time, but his mother always reminded him
that it wasn’t his place to decide that.
“Will you sign my arm?” Riley pushed up his sweatshirt and held out his arm for
Blaine.
“Riley, don’t bother the poor boy,” his mother chastised him. “He’s got a meet
to prepare for.”
“I don’t mind,” Blaine said, pulling the sharpie he used to write down his lane
numbers and times out of his pocket.
‘To Riley, just keep swimming, Blaine Anderson <3,’ he wrote neatly.
“Thank you so much,” his mother said with a kind smile. “He saw you swim at the
Pan Pacific Games this past summer and he couldn’t believe you were from Ohio.
You’re his favorite swimmer.”
“That’s really sweet,” Blaine said, smiling at Riley. “I hope you enjoy the
meet today.”
Riley and his mother said thank you and walked away.
“That’s very sweet,” Puck mocked him, jabbing him in the ribs.
“Shut up,” Blaine said, blushing. He always felt awkward whenever people came
up to him like that in front of his friends. He didn’t want them to feel like
he thought he was too good for them or anything.
“You realize you don’t get paid to do that right?” Puck laughed, good-
naturedly. “You aren’t technically a pro swimmer yet.”
Blaine opened his mouth to retaliate, but found he had nothing to say, so he
just stood there shaking his head and trying not to turn bright red.
“I’d ask you to sign my arm, too,” Mike teased him. “But I’m going to wait
until you’re at least on a Wheaties box.”
“Hardy har har,” Blaine said and smacked them all in the chest, causing them to
break into a playful wrestling match until Coach Roz appeared to break them all
up.
He was going to miss having them around to calm his nerves at meets for the
next few months.
All through warmups, Blaine couldn’t help but scan the stands for a glimpse of
Kurt. He knew that he told him not to bother coming until finals started later
in the afternoon, but he was still secretly hoping Kurt would ignore that in
favor of watching him swim all day. As the boys lounged around in sleeping bags
and blankets in the hallway they’d sequestered for themselves, he couldn’t help
but keep sneaking back to peek through the doors and see if Kurt had shown up
yet.
“He’ll be here,” Sam said with a roll of his eyes the third time Blaine claimed
he had to go to the bathroom. “Sit down, you’re making me nervous.”
Blaine grumbled but sat back down and resumed playing cards with the guys. He
couldn’t help but look back to his watch every few minutes and count down the
time until his first heat started. The second the minute hand pointed to eight
o’clock, he was up and moving down the hall to get in line for his first event.
He saw Kurt and his boyfriend walk in hand-in-hand and take a seat up in the
stands. While the thought of Evan being here and holding Kurt’s hand in the way
Blaine desperately wanted to was discouraging, he couldn’t help but feel more
excited now. He had to restrain himself from jumping up and down and waving
like an idiot. He was sixteen, not six. He had to at least appear cool. He
didn’t need Kurt to see just how desperate he was for his attention.
Instead he opted for a quick smile when Kurt waved as he waited to take his
place on the block for his 50m Freestyle. The few minutes he had to wait before
he could step up to take his turn were always the worst for him. While this was
only a State Championship and Blaine didn’t have to worry about anybody
swimming fast enough to catch him, he always had to worry about his time. It
was in these few minutes that he always let the self doubt start to get to him.
It was in these moments that he was grateful for Kurt showing up, if only so
Blaine could look up in the stands and have a healthy distraction from his
thoughts.
He couldn’t help but smile as he saw Kurt’s gaze zeroed in on him, clearly only
listening to his boyfriend with half-interest. This was going to be a good day.
After all of the first heats were over, there was a fifteen minute break as the
prelim schedule was finalized and everyone’s current placements began to get
posted. Blaine made his way up into the stands to say a quick hello to Kurt,
ignoring his mother and Angeli’s knowing smirks.
“Hey,” Blaine greeted them with a big smile and pulled Kurt into a hug,
ignoring Evan’s glare at him for only bothering to throw on a pair of
sweatpants. If Blaine purposefully put off grabbing his shirt until after he’d
talked to Kurt, well that was simply an accident...
“Couldn’t slow down and let anyone else feel like they stand a chance here,”
Kurt teased him. Blaine missed being able to see his bright smile. He’d
completely forgotten how it had the power to put his stomach into nervous
knots.
“No use giving them false hope.” Blaine shrugged. Kurt and Blaine both knew
that posting anything but his best times at a meet would result in an argument
with his father, not that Blaine ever wanted to slow down. He might not be as
intense as his father, but he was still a competitive person and was inclined
to showing off sometimes—especially when the boy he loved was in the stands
cheering him on.
Kurt’s eyes lingered on him a little too long, causing Evan to clear his
throat.
“Blaine, you remember Evan,” Kurt said, blushing profusely.
“Of course,” Blaine said, forcing himself to remain cheery. “I’m glad you could
come keep Kurt company. These meets can get a little boring sometimes.”
“Maybe if you’re straight,” Kurt teased. “Evan and I have been ranking all the
boys on how effectively they rock a Speedo.”
“Do I want to know where you ranked me?” Blaine said with a charming smile.
“That’s confidential information,” Kurt said with a wink only he could see.
Blaine felt his heart jump, but he managed to mask his excitement and remain
calm.
“I’ve got to get going,” he said. “We’re still on for dinner tonight?”
“Of course,” Kurt said with a nod.
“Perfect,” he said, unable to keep the giant grin from forming. “It was nice to
see you again, Evan.”
Blaine couldn’t help but smirk at the glare Evan sent his way. If he was
affecting Evan this badly, clearly Blaine was something worth worrying over. It
gave him hope that all was not lost.
“Could you try and be less obsessed with Hummel?” Puck said with a roll of his
eyes once he met up with everyone again in the hallway and grabbed his warmup
jacket to throw on.
“You don’t understand,” he said.
“Oh, I understand perfectly,” Puck said then raised his voice several octaves
and batted his eyelashes like a girl. “You’re going to marry him one day.”
“Yeah,” Blaine said with a love struck sigh. “I really am.”
****
By the end of the day, Blaine took home gold in all of his events, which wasn’t
surprising to anyone. What was surprising was how oddly satisfied his father
had been with his times. It was the first time since last summer that his dad
hadn’t criticized him in some way or the other. Blaine was practically floating
on cloud nine by the time he got to dinner with Kurt and Evan.
He was pleasantly surprised by how easily the conversation flowed between the
three of them. He had been expecting things to be stilted and awkward, but they
hadn’t been. Evan actually had a lot of smart things to say about Prop 8 and
while he couldn’t quite keep up once Kurt and Blaine got to talking about the
Oscar issue of Vanity Fair, he really enjoyed Major League Soccer and Blaine
was happy to discuss Spain’s World Cup win with him.
The whole time they were discussing soccer, Blaine couldn’t help but notice how
happy Kurt looked. He would glance between the two of them and smile, like the
thought of them being friends was the best thing in the world. While Blaine
still felt insanely jealous every time Evan would grab onto Kurt’s hand or rub
his shoulder, he had to admit Evan wasn’t so bad. In an ideal world, he thought
Kurt should be dating him, but if he had to be dating somebody else, he guessed
Evan wasn’t horrible.
He should have stuck with his original gut feeling though, because all those
happy thoughts on Evan went out the door the second Kurt went off to the
bathroom and left the two of them alone.
“Listen Gimli,” Evan said, dropping the smile the second Kurt was out of sight.
“I don’t know what game you’re playing, but you’re going to lose.”
“Okay,” Blaine responded, confused, slightly amused and not remotely sure where
this was going.
“I know you think you’re hot stuff with the gold medals and tiny Speedo, but
Kurt wants more than just sex out of a relationship. Your reputation preceeds
you—I know you’ll never be able to give him more than quick blow jobs in the
backseat of cars,” he said without an ounce of tact.
“Did he say that to you?” Blaine asked, curious where this was coming from. Had
Kurt told Evan about their past relationship? Had he said Blaine was only good
for sex?
“No,” he said with a laugh that sounded anything but amused. “He thinks I
believe him when he says you two were just friends.”
“And how do you know we weren’t?” Blaine challenges him, liking him less and
less every second.
“I have my sources,” he explains mysteriously. “And if you think you can just
waltz into my school and serenade my boyfriend, you’ve got another thing
coming.”
“Does Kurt know that he’s dating a psychopath?”
“Wanna try telling him and see if he ever believes you?” Evan asked so
condescendingly.
The thing was, Blaine couldn’t even argue with him. He was sure that Evan was
telling the truth. Kurt wouldn’t believe him, not after the Academy Award
winning acting Evan had pulled off all through dinner. Shit, even Blaine had
believed Evan actually liked him. How stupid of him.
“I’d love to watch him kick you back to the curb where you belong,” he
finished.
“What’s your deal?” Blaine asked for lack of anything else to say.
“I want you gone,” he said. Simple enough, direct, he had to respect that.
“But you just said I’m not a threat to you,” Blaine challenged him. If he was
going to back him into a corner like this, then Evan would see Blaine wasn’t
all sunshine and rainbows. He could give it right back as good as he got.
“If you think you can win this, go ahead and try,” Evan sneered. “I’ll make
your life hell.”
“And if you think I’m going to be intimidated by your Latin flare and mask of
lies, then you clearly haven’t done you’re research. I’ll fuck you up before
you even lay a finger on me,” he said, dropping the game and going right for
the throat. He didn’t do well when under attack, but he’d certainly learned how
to defend himself.
“What are you guys talking about?” Kurt came back from the bathroom before Evan
could respond.
Perfect, Blaine thought. He was satisfied he’d been able to have the last word.
He raised his eyebrows at Evan, daring him to tell Kurt the truth.
“Soccer,” Evan lied effortlessly. Blaine wondered how often he must lie to Kurt
if it could come so naturally at this point. “Though you didn’t tell me Blaine
liked football, too, baby.”
“Yeah,” Kurt said with an excited smile. Happy that the two of them had found
something they had in common—if he only knew. “I mean, he’s not too crazy about
McKinley’s team but he likes the college teams well enough.”
“You know, I’m really glad we did this,” Evan said, giving Kurt a kiss, his
eyes on Blaine the entire time. Blaine wanted to reach across the table the
pull them apart. This guy was such a manipulative little tool and Kurt couldn’t
even see past it because Evan was too good at playing whatever part he needed
to.
“I think Blaine and I have come to an understanding. Right Blaine?” he
challenged.
Blaine caught the evil glint in his eyes, but Kurt was too busy looking at the
dessert menu to catch it.
“Yeah,” he sneered. “I understand you perfectly.”
Evan smiled, but if he thought that meant Blaine was going to back down, he was
sadly mistaken. This meant war.
***** Chapter 18 *****
“I can’t believe you get to go out while I’m stuck at home all weekend,” Finn
grumbled as Kurt moved around the kitchen in a hurry to clean up after the
brunch their family had just finished. “The only reason I’m grounded is because
you ratted me out.”
“Yeah, well maybe next time you’ll think before you decide to bully somebody,”
Kurt said, rolling his eyes. They’d already had this annoying argument multiple
times in the past week since Finn had gotten punished for outing Blaine and
getting into a fight at school.
“He hurt you,” Finn argued, annoyed. “How can you still defend him?”
“Nobody deserves to be bullied, Finn,” he said. “No matter what. I know that
your heart was at least partially in the right place and I know that Blaine is
far from innocent at this point, but he still doesn’t deserve the way you treat
him. He definitely didn’t deserve you outing him. Before that he had never done
anything against you.”
“You don’t need to lecture me, Mom and Burt already did,” Finn said.
“And did you even listen to a word they said? Do you even feel guilty?” he
asked.
“Of course I do,” Finn said. “But I still don’t like the guy.”
“Why?” he asked, not sure if he even wanted to get into this when he needed to
be leaving soon.
He still had to drive out to Wapakoneta in time to meet Blaine, who would only
have an hour or two to hang out since he had to leave by four-thirty to get to
a fancy dinner in Cincinnati for Mr. Anderson’s office. Kurt would have to
leave straight from Angeli’s to meet Evan in order for them to make it in time
for this underground rap concert that Evan was dying to see. They wouldn’t have
a lot of time together today, but it would be worth it in order to see Blaine.
“He gets everything,” Finn argued, sounding like a child.
“He does not get everything,” he defended with a roll of his eyes. “His life is
a lot more stressful than you think. It’s not all expensive cars and college
parties. He works really hard.”
Finn didn’t say anything as Kurt finished drying the last of the dishes and put
them back on the shelf. Kurt wasn’t sure if he had even listened to a word he’d
said or if Finn was just contemplating new ways to get back at Blaine. He was
surprised when Finn finally spoke up just as Kurt was grabbing his bag to leave
for the day.
“Is his dad always so…” Finn trailed off, unable to find the right word to
describe Mr. Anderson, but he didn’t need to. Kurt had plenty of adjectives of
his own to fill into that question, not one of them was positive. If Finn had
met Mr. Anderson, Kurt was sure he knew exactly what Finn was trying to ask
him.
“Yeah,” he said, not elaborating any more, but he did give Finn an expectant
look, daring him to say something negative—pleading with him to understand.
He knew that deep down, past all of his insecurities, Finn was a good guy. He
just wished he could get past whatever jealousy he had of Blaine and be that
guy. He was tired of dealing with Finn when he was acting like such a douche-
bag.
“Remind my dad that I won’t be back until after ten,” Kurt said with a wave of
his hand and headed out the door. He was going to be late if he stayed to talk
to Finn any longer. Besides, knowing Finn, it would probably take a few days
for what he said to really sink in.
From Kurt:
Heading out now. See you soon.
From Blaine:
Yay! I’m just getting out of practice now though. I’ll be a little late but
YES! I’ll see you soon!!! :)
****
Kurt sat in Angeli’s coffee shop, waiting for Blaine to hurry up and get there
already. He was currently sharing a cup of coffee with Blaine’s aunt as they
waited. It wasn’t that he minded talking to the woman—he adored her. It was
just that he only had a limited amount of time to see Blaine and with every
minute he was late, it was another minute less they’d have together.
They’d been doing this for the last two weeks, grabbing any sort of time they
could together. Kurt was a boarding student at Dalton now with a strict eight
o’clock curfew on weekdays, which made it difficult to juggle their schedules.
Dublin, Ohio, where Blaine was swimming for the rest of spring and summer,
wasn’t that far from Dalton though. During the week, they would sometimes be
able to squeeze a quick snack or coffee together. Usually it wasn’t for more
than twenty minutes because Kurt would have to get to Warblers practice and
Blaine would need to get to the pool. It was a lot of hassle for such a short
amount of time together, but Kurt knew Blaine needed a friend and he selfishly
couldn’t stay away from Blaine, especially now that Evan had stopped bugging
him about it.
Kurt was living at school now made it even harder to spend time together, but
he still came home on the weekends. Last Sunday they’d been able to steal away
to a matinée of the new movie Source Code (they both had a small thing for Jake
Gyllenhaal ever since Brokeback Mountain). That didn’t look like it would be a
regular occurrence though as Blaine was about to start seriously competing
again and Kurt’s family was adamant that he spend a lot of time at home now on
the weekends since he didn’t live there during the school week.
It was a headache to find time together, sure, but it was worth it. Blaine
would always be worth the extra effort.
“Blaine tells me that you perform with your school’s singing group?” Angeli
asked.
“The Warblers, yeah. It’s an a capella group,” he explained, careful to slow
his speech enough that she could follow him easily but not slow enough that it
was insulting to her. He knew English was her second language and she wasn’t as
fluent as she would like to be. Blaine had told him she got embarrassed anytime
she had to ask somebody to slow down or repeat themselves, so she’d usually
just pretend she understood something when she didn’t.
“Do you enjoy it?” she asked.
“Yes, of course,” he said. “They can be a bit stuffy sometimes with their song
choices, but it’s fun. I really enjoy singing.”
“My Blaine keeps talking about wanting to sing but he won’t try out,” she said
with a ‘tsk’.
“He’s too busy trying to prepare for Worlds,” he said, though he was pretty
sure that wasn’t Blaine’s only reason for not wanting to join New Directions.
Apart from the social suicide joining the club could entail, Finn being the de
facto leader of the club pretty much guaranteed Blaine would never join. Kurt
was still surprised. Blaine had never mentioned any desire to start performing.
Kurt had always told him he’d be good at it and Blaine was the one to brush him
off.
“I think he’s hesitant to live in his brother’s shadow,” she explained. “He
used to sing a lot more as a child, but once his brother started picking on
him, he pulled away.”
For starters, Kurt was pretty sure that Blaine would never have to live in
anybody’s shadow considering how obsessed his father was with Blaine’s
swimming. Even if Cooper had starred in a few national commercials, Kurt didn’t
know why that would hold Blaine back from trying something he wanted to do.
Then again, he never did see Cooper and Mr. Anderson together and Blaine said
his dad worshipped his eldest, so he couldn’t really assume he knew anything
about their relationships.
That wasn’t what struck him as strange, though. It sounded weird to hear Angeli
talk about Cooper with such annoyance when she only ever spoke highly of
Blaine. He had to remind himself that Cooper wasn’t actually her nephew.
Blaine’s dad had been married to someone else when he’d gotten Blaine’s mother
pregnant. Cooper and Blaine were only half-siblings. In fact, they only lived
together during summers and holidays.
“Do you think Blaine actually likes swimming?” Kurt asked her.
He always asked Blaine but he was never sure if he believed him when he said
yes. Not when his dad put so much pressure on him to succeed and it always
stressed him out so much.
“He enjoys himself well enough when he’s in the pool,” she said. “Most days, I
think he’d be happier to leave all the competition behind, but he enjoys being
good at something.”
“Do you think?” Kurt asked, doubtfully. If he trusted anybody to truly know
Blaine, it was Angeli. But still, Kurt didn’t understand how something so
stressful, something that took so much work and sacrifice could bring him
happiness.
“When my Dayong was fourteen, he broke his wrist and couldn’t swim for several
weeks,” she said with a sad look in her eyes he didn’t see often. “He was
miserable. We all assumed it was from the attack and we were probably right,
but you should have seen him the day he got to go into the pool again.”
Kurt gave her a curious look when she didn’t respond for a moment, almost like
she’d forgotten he was there. A moment later she looked over and gave him a
fond smile.
“It was like all of his worries were washed away and my little angel was back.
Very few things can do that for him,” she said with a significant look that
Kurt didn’t want to read too much into for fear of what he’d discover in it.
“I guess,” he shrugged.
“Oh Balong,” she said warmly. Kurt smiled because she only ever used Tagalog
when speaking with Blaine, never with him. It made him feel warm inside.
“You’re so young. You don’t understand yet.”
“Understand what?” he asked.
“Just because something is hard—it doesn’t mean it’s bad. Sometimes the best
things in life are the things you have to work at to get right,” she said.
“Why do I get the feeling you aren’t talking about swimming anymore?” he asked,
knowingly.
She just laughed and moved to stand up as Blaine’s car pulled into the parking
lot out front. He ran in with a goofy smile and didn’t even pull away when
Angeli pulled him in for a hug and kissed him on the cheek.
“I did it!” Blaine proclaimed loudly to the mostly empty shop. “I just did my
50M Free in 21.47.”
“That’s good? Right?” Kurt asked.
He understood swimming well enough at a meet. The numbers got posted on a board
and he could understand what a phenomenal time Blaine had when he could see how
much slower everyone else was. He didn’t quite know what Blaine was talking
about most of the time, though, when he just threw times at him blindly.
“I knew you’d do it,” Angeli said, giving him another kiss on the cheek. She
led him to their table and sat him down before proclaiming that she was going
to grab them some dessert to celebrate.
“That’s like Olympic time fast!” Blaine said, wearing an infectious grin.
“Alain Bernard took silver with 21.45 in Beijing but that was with the high
tech suits they banned this year! Which means my time might actually be able to
beat those guys. I could actually place at Worlds! I could go to the Olympics.
Shit, Kurt, I could really do this!”
“I’m so proud of you!” Angeli yelled from her spot behind the counter where she
was fixing him up a drink.
“Congrats!” Kurt said, feeling second-hand excitement at the way Blaine was
bouncing in his seat. Kurt found he couldn’t wipe the smile of his own face
either.
“Did you call your father?” Angeli asked, setting down a plate of a few cookies
and a strawberry smoothie.
“He told me if I could hit that at the Michigan Grand Prix next week, he’d let
me bring a friend to Shanghai!” Blaine said, eyes going wide like an excited
puppy. “How do you feel about Chinese food?” he turned to ask Kurt.
“What? Me? Are you serious?” he asked, his jaw dropping. Blaine couldn’t be
asking him to go to China with him in July, could he?
“Well I have to hit the time first, but yeah?” Blaine smiled at him like there
was nobody else he would even consider inviting. “All expenses paid.”
“That sounds great,” he found himself answering before he even thought about
what he was agreeing to. Then again, how could he really say no to Blaine when
he looked like that and was offering something as amazing as a trip to China?
There was nothing wrong with him going to watch a competition for one of his
good friends, after all. He was just being supportive.
“Your father’s honestly going to allow that?” Angeli asked, giving him an
amused look.
“I’m sure there will be a laundry list of stipulations to come, but yes,” he
said. “You know he’s never been above bribery to get me to work harder.”
Angeli asked him what he wanted for lunch and went off to fix them both
something to eat, leaving them alone to settle back down.
“I know your dad’s rich and all, but how can he afford to buy you such
extravagant gifts every time you win?” Kurt asked, careful not to say that he
thought his dad spoiled him, because that was hardly the truth. Blaine might
get a lot of things from his dad, but he didn’t get most of the things he
needed, like love. After Finn had told Blaine that Kurt thought his dad didn’t
love him (which weren’t his exact words but was close enough for Kurt to feel
ashamed about them), he was careful not to imply anything about Blaine’s
parents.
“His family comes from money. They have a lot of investments and my grandpa
owns like half of the apartment buildings in Cincinnati,” he shrugged.
“Still,” Kurt said. “You got a new car stereo when you broke the state record.
He’s going to pay for one of your friends to go to China if you get a good time
in Michigan. What’s he going to buy you if you win World’s? Or qualify for the
Olympics? A small island?”
“Do you know what the prize money is like when you win one of these
international competitions?” Blaine asked and Kurt shook his head, no. He
didn’t spend a lot of time researching the details of Blaine’s meets much past
how many attractive men in swim suits would be there.
“It’s a lot,” Blaine said with a smirk. “Like, enough money to fund me running
away to Europe and never come back.”
“Okay,” he said, not really sure where Blaine was going with this. If he was
winning all of this money, why was his dad also giving him gifts?
“I made a deal with my dad a long time ago, the first time I medaled at
Nationals and they offered me a check for $500,” Blaine explained, settling
into his seat and making himself comfortable for what was looking to be a long
conversation.
“My dad turned the check down,” he continued. “I threw a fit, obviously. My dad
sat me down and explained that if I wanted to swim in college that I couldn’t
ever accept any money for swimming. If I did, I wouldn’t be considered an
amateur swimmer. I told him that I didn’t care about college. I mean, I was
only twelve and $500 might as well have been a million. I just kept thinking
about how many comic books I could buy with that money.”
“So your dad bought you a present instead,” Kurt said, filling in the blanks
for himself.
“I made a promise that I wouldn’t go pro and in exchange he told me that he
would make sure I was always rewarded for my hard work like I deserved to be.
When my dad bought my car for winning nationals, I had just turned down a ton
of prize money as well as a sponsorship with Speedo that would have funded my
swimming career for a long, long time.”
“You were offered a sponsorship with Speedo?” Kurt asked, feeling his jaw drop.
He knew Blaine was a good swimmer, but shit. He didn’t realize he was that well
known for it. Suddenly, Kurt was picturing Blaine’s face in magazine ads,
soaking wet and wearing nothing but his bathing suit. He was embarrassed by how
sad he felt when he realized they didn’t exist.
“I’m no Natalie Coughlin or Michael Phelps. I wouldn’t have been doing
advertisements or anything, but they said they liked to fund new talent and
they knew it was a good investment in their future or something like that. My
dad didn’t let me listen to them for that long before saying no. Either way,
the car was a consolation prize—a very nice consolation prize, but still.”
“You know, if you really could earn this much money by going pro, why not just
do it? I’m sure that you could save up enough money to pay for school with your
winnings if your ultimate goal is just to get away from your dad and Ohio,”
Kurt said.
“Because money can only buy so much,” Blaine said with a shrug. “My dad wants
me to go to an Ivy League school after this, wants me to follow in his
footsteps. I’d never get in on grades alone. But athletes can pretty much write
their ticket into any school. He didn’t make this decision for financial
reasons.”
“And why did you agree?” he asked, curious why Blaine wouldn’t just take the
money and run away forever. He certainly wasn’t interested in going Ivy League.
“I want an education. A good one,” Blaine said. “Besides, my life is
overwhelming enough. If I went pro, it would only get worse. I want to maintain
some semblance of a normal childhood if I can. I think that deep down that was
my dad’s real reason for keeping me an amateur. He’d never admit it of course,
but still. My mom didn’t have to campaign that hard for him to let me swim at
McKinley instead of just doing the international competitions year long.”
Kurt couldn’t help but picture the teen stars splattered across the pages of
Teen Bop that Lauren and he would (embarrassingly) sometimes read at the
bookstore together. He knew swimmers weren’t exactly like pop-stars, but it
didn’t stop him from feeling suddenly awkward in Blaine’s presence. He felt
unworthy, something he hadn’t felt since they first met.
“Well, I’m starting to see why Finn thinks you have everything,” Kurt said
jokingly, trying not to freak out. “Do the kids at school know about all this?”
“Most of them,” Blaine said amused.
There were a lot of things Kurt wanted to say. Starting with ‘how in the world
he had even become friends with somebody like Blaine, let alone slept with
him?’. He had no idea that Blaine was as talented as he was. He’d always
considered Blaine special, but that was because of the way they just naturally
fell together. He didn’t realize Blaine was the golden boy because he was
pretty much destined to end up on a cereal box or Sports Illustrated cover. He
always figured the school worshiped him because he was prom king material, he
didn’t realize it was because he was only a few strokes away from being famous.
“Are you alright?” Blaine asked, his grin starting to drop. “You’re not like,
upset about this are you?”
“No,” he said, honestly. “Just surprised, I guess. I never realized you were
practically a professional athlete.”
“I’m going to World’s this summer,” Blaine said, giving him a strange look.
“I know that,” Kurt said. “I just thought… I don’t know.”
“I told you that I’m trying out for the Olympics next year,” he continued,
making Kurt feel pretty stupid for not seeing it sooner.
“Yeah but you were trying out,” Kurt said, trying to justify his sudden
surprise. “I didn’t realize you might actually go.”
“And that’s what’s freaking you out?” he asked, sounding at once amused while
still being vulnerable. Like he wanted to feel confident enough in their
relationship to joke about it, but he knew it was all still too messed up to be
so sure.
“No, of course not,” Kurt said. “I don’t care if you go to the Olympics or not.
I mean, that’d be great for you so obviously I’m hoping it happens for your
sake. I just… I’m questioning what you’re doing sitting here with me.”
“You’re my best friend,” Blaine said with a sad, but sincere smile, “and that
other, major reason that you won’t let me say again.”
Kurt knew he was talking about the three words that he’d been doing his best to
forget about, if only so he could save his sanity. He couldn’t date Evan when
he was constantly thinking about how Blaine loved him. He couldn’t date Blaine
though, not yet, so it was just too confusing to talk about. Yet here he was,
talking about it again. It was like he enjoyed feeling lost and helpless.
“You could have any guy you wanted,” he said. “I’ve always thought that, but
now more than ever. I just don’t understand why you keep coming back to me. I
heard the voicemail you left me right after we had that fight. I know that you
can walk into any bar and have grown men fighting over themselves to blow you…”
“What are you talking about?” Blaine whispered, his face heating up as he
glanced over his shoulder to make sure that his aunt hadn’t overheard them. He
looked genuinely confused. “I don’t want anyone else but you.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that you could have it,” Kurt said, shaking his
head and trying not to think about the man who had so carelessly dismissed him
to drag Blaine away to fool around with him. They really needed to drop this
now, because it was getting into dangerous territory. They’d promised not to
talk about these things.
“What voicemail are you even talking about?” he asked.
Great, Kurt thought. Either Blaine had been too drunk to remember he’d let some
guy blow him while he’d been talking to Kurt. Or he honestly didn’t see
anything wrong with his actions, so much so in fact, that he couldn’t remember
what he was talking about. Perfect.
“Forget about it,” Kurt said. “I really should get going, Evan is waiting for
me.”
“Wait,” Blaine said, reaching out to grab onto Kurt’s wrist and pull him back
into his seat.
Kurt looked from his wrist back up to Blaine, trying to figure out how mad he
really was at Blaine. Part of him wanted to yank his hand back and storm out in
a big dramatic fashion to prove to Blaine that he wouldn’t put up with this
kind of shit. The other part of him wanted to hear the whole story, the small,
desperate to work this out part of him. It was that part of him that glued him
to his chair, holding his breath and waiting for Blaine’s next words, praying
they didn’t break him again.
“Look around you,” Blaine said, his voice growing tense as Kurt saw tears
swimming in his eyes. He wouldn’t let go of his wrist. In fact, he took Kurt’s
other hand and held them both up to Blaine’s heart. Kurt could feel how heavy
he was breathing. He could feel Blaine’s grip tightening desperately holding
on.
“This is where I spend almost all of my time—a simple, small-town coffee shop
that my aunt owns,” he continued. Kurt didn’t dare speak, he could barely
breathe. “This is the kind of guy that I am. Beyond the swimming and
popularity, this is me. It will always be me and I’ve never taken anyone here
because I didn’t want them to ruin this place for me. But I took you here. The
first day I met you, I took you here. Why can’t you see what that means?”
“I don’t know,” Kurt whispered.
“What is this about?” he said, sounding so broken. “Because I’ve said I’m sorry
for letting you think that I only used you for sex. But you know that I wasn’t
actually using you for sex, so why are you still so angry with me?”
“I’m not,” Kurt answered; surprised he could even form words.
“Then why are you with him?” Blaine asked.
“It was so easy for you to move on,” he said, feeling his words come back to
him at the sharp reminder of Evan. He pulled his hands out of Blaine’s grasp
and started gathering his things. It was fifteen minutes after they were both
supposed to leave anyway.
“You can sit here and tell me you want me and that’s great,” he said. “It’s
lovely, honestly. You always knew how to say all the right things. But your
actions speak so much louder and the day after we had sex, you went to a bar
and hooked up with some smarmy asshole and let me hear it over my voicemail.
Evan would never do that to me.”
“I haven’t been with anybody since you,” Blaine said, looking around to make
sure that his aunt wasn’t within hearing distance. “And I don’t ever want to be
with anybody else again.”
“Words.” Kurt shook his head sadly. “Just words, Blaine.”
“Well, what more can I do?” he said, growing frustrated. “I’m not hiding who I
am anymore. I serenaded you at school which was not for my benefit, let me tell
you, since I’m getting bullied for it. I’m not fooling around with anybody
else, even though, yes, the options are still available. What kind of action
are you going to need from me to show you that I’m better for you than that
stupid, insecure, psychotic asshole?”
“Classy,” Kurt said, feeling incredibly hurt that Blaine would decide to attack
Evan when all he’d ever done was treat Kurt the way Blaine should have. How was
that any better than what Finn had done to Blaine when Puck hurt him?
“Kurt—” he immediately tried to apologize but Kurt didn’t want to hear any of
it.
“No,” Kurt said. “You don’t get to say anything about Evan. Evan has done
nothing in any of this except for try and be your friend. Shit, I thought you
two were fine after we all went to dinner. Evan keeps talking about how excited
he is to take you to a soccer game. You don’t get to be jealous when the only
reason I’m dating him is because you weren’t there for me.”
“I’m sorry, but he—”
“No,” Kurt said, holding his hand up. “Stop talking. You are going to stop
talking badly about a boy that has been nothing but kind to me and we are going
to pretend this conversation never happened.”
“What if I don’t want to?” Blaine asked.
“Then that’s really sad because that means I don’t think we can be friends and
I really don’t want to go back to not talking to you. Despite how angry I am,
you’re still my best friend, so I need you to just stop fucking talking,” he
hissed.
Blaine nodded, staring down at his feet like he’d just had his puppy kicked.
Kurt couldn’t let himself feel guilty though. Blaine’s the one who screwed up
their relationship; he didn’t get to be upset with Kurt. Not when Kurt was
trying to help build back what they’d had before. Sure, Blaine might not have
been happy with the boundaries Kurt put up between them, but Blaine didn’t get
to say anything about them. Besides, if he was angry, he should take it out on
Kurt, not Evan.
“You can call me tonight if you decide to stop acting like such a jerk,” Kurt
said, leaving the shop and getting in his car. He was surprised by how quickly
a pleasant afternoon together had gone downhill, but he figured he should be
used to it by now. Things with Blaine were always so extreme—whether they were
extremely happy or depressing changed with every minute but they were always
extreme.
He drove the entire way to Evan’s in silence, unwilling to turn the radio on
for fear of something reminding him of Blaine. He just needed some time to pull
himself back together before he saw his boyfriend. The last thing he wanted was
for Evan to find out that he was late because he’d been busy arguing with a boy
he’d claimed was only a friend about why they weren’t boyfriends.
Nope. He wasn’t going to let that cat out of the bag. Not now, not ever.
“Hey Sweetheart,” Evan said, once he slipped into the passenger seat.
Kurt tried not to cringe at the pet name, sure that it was only annoying him
because he was still annoyed from his fight with Blaine. Evan certainly hadn’t
done anything wrong. In fact, he’d been waiting patiently on the porch for Kurt
to show up like a good boyfriend should. He never kept Kurt waiting. He was
never late.
“Hey,” Kurt said, accepting Evan’s kiss but not really putting much effort into
it. He didn’t even bother explaining why he was fifteen minutes late, like he
usually would.
“I can’t wait for you to see these guys, you’re going to love them,” Evan said
clapping his hands excitedly.
Kurt highly doubted there was a single rapper he could watch that would make
him suddenly fall in love, especially since Evan’s words to describe the group
were things like dirty and gritty which were the last words Kurt would ever
associate with himself. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop him from agreeing, albeit
slightly sarcastically.
When Evan reached over to turn on the radio to the alternative station he
loved. Kurt bit his tongue as some punk rock song came through the speakers.
He liked Evan; he wasn’t going to snap at him. No, he was just upset with
Blaine.
****
Kurt didn’t get home from the show until around midnight, and when he did, his
ears were still bleeding from the torture they’d endured that night. Kurt had
smiled and pretended to enjoy it, but inside he just wanted to cry the entire
time. The place had been filled with a bunch of guys in ill-fitting pants,
swaying to the too-loud bass and crappy microphones. There were several fights
that had to be broken up by security and Evan told him it was all part of the
‘experience’ as if the more riled up the crowd got, the better the music
became.
“You don’t have to say you like everything that he does,” his dad had told him
when he walked in and immediately glared at his question of if he’d had fun or
not. His dad had backed off immediately.
What did his dad know, though? He didn’t see Evan’s face anytime Kurt agreed
with something he said. He didn’t see the way it lit up like Christmas morning.
If this was the sacrifice he had to make for his boyfriend, he’d do it. It
wasn’t like Evan hadn’t spent more than a few nights watching movies he could
care less about because it was what Kurt wanted to watch.
Sure, Evan spent most of those nights with his face buried in Kurt’s neck,
trying to make out with him instead of watching the movie, but that was normal.
They were teenagers. At least he didn’t ever have to compete for Evan’s
attention.
No, Kurt really liked Evan. So he wasn’t really sure why everything he’d done
today seemed to annoy him so much, starting with the way he possessively put
his hand on Kurt’s back and lead him around like he was some four year old
who’d get lost in the crowd, and ending with the way Evan hadn’t even noticed
how fake his smile had been when he’d said he enjoyed the concert.
Usually Evan had a way of taking his mind off of Blaine, but today all he’d
done was remind Kurt of the ways in which he wasn’t Blaine.
Kurt’s phone when off and he groaned when he saw it was from the boy who’d
ruined what was supposed to be a perfectly nice evening out with his boyfriend.
From Blaine:
Please tell me that I didn’t leave a voicemail for you the day after we broke
up.
Kurt rolled his eyes at the text message. He was tempted to delete it. Hadn’t
he made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about this anymore? He just wanted
to go to bed and wake up forgetting this entire, horrible day. He typed out a
bitter response, hoping it hurt when Blaine read it.
From Kurt:
We were never together.
From Blaine:
You know what I mean :(
Did I really leave you a voicemail?
Kurt didn’t respond to the message. He didn’t want to talk about Blaine and
some other guy that he’d been dancing with all night before Blaine decided he
just had to talk to Kurt. He didn’t want to hear Blaine claim that he was drunk
and forgot about it. He didn’t want Blaine to ask for forgiveness when Kurt
knew he’d spent the night getting laid while Kurt had been at home feeling
miserable about himself and wondering if Blaine would ever love him.
From Blaine:
Please don’t do this. That night was a blur. I remember wanting to talk to you
though.
 I wanted to tell you that I love you.
I didn’t think I actually called you though...
From Kurt:
Yeah, well you did.
He texted back viciously, before deciding to add more. If Blaine wasn’t going
to drop it, neither was Kurt.
From Kurt:
Except you didn’t tell me you loved me. Your lovely fuck of the week cut you
off before you could say anything of importance.
From Blaine:
I didn’t sleep with that guy.
From Kurt:
I guess getting head in the bathroom of a club doesn’t constitute as sex for
you.
From Blaine:
I didn’t do anything with him.
From Kurt:
It doesn’t really matter if you did or didn’t. You still spent the night out at
a club dancing with other guys the day after you broke my heart.
Actions speak louder…
Kurt’s phone was ringing in his hand instantly and he pressed the ignore button
three times before finally deciding to answer.
“I danced with him, sure. But I only ever wanted you,” Blaine said frantically,
in lieu of a greeting. “I only went to that club to try and forget about you
because the thought of breaking up with you was so horrifying that I wanted to
die.”
“Then you shouldn’t have done it in the first place,” Kurt said. “You could
have talked to me. We could have figured something out. The fact that your
first idea of how to deal with pain is to go out and fuck some other guy tells
me that I can’t trust you. What happens when we are together and I do something
to piss you off?”
“It won’t be like that,” Blaine said. “I would never cheat on you.”
“But if it’s twenty-four hours after breaking up, it’s okay?” he asked,
spitting the words out like they were venom. He’d been on edge all night and
now Blaine had set himself up to be the perfect punching bag.
“It isn’t like that,” Blaine said. Kurt could hear the frustration in his
voice. He knew how upset Blaine got when he felt like he wasn’t getting heard.
“I left that guy to call you and try to talk things through. It’s not my fault
he got the wrong impression and stole my phone. His actions don’t have anything
to do with us. I didn’t sleep with him. In fact, I almost punched his lights
out when he got upset I said no. Nothing happened and you really can’t be mad
at me just because some guy wanted it to.”
“What do you want me to say here, Blaine?” he said. “I have a boyfriend. You
fucked up and I have a boyfriend now. You expect me to just dump him?”
There was the slightest part of him, the tiniest little bit, that wanted Blaine
to say yes. The part of him that knew he would never really love anyone but
Blaine, that part of him was so ready to dump Evan. But his head was screaming
at him to stop. Evan was a good guy and one awkward date didn’t change that.
Kurt couldn’t just go dumping a perfectly good boyfriend who made him happy
just because Blaine said so. That wasn’t right...
“I just want you to say that you believe me when I tell you I never meant to
hurt you,” Blaine said. “I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”
“Are you sure about that?” Kurt said with a snort.
“Do you honestly believe I would?” he asked, sounding hurt.
“I don’t know,” Kurt said with a deep sigh. “It’s a lot to process and we
aren’t supposed to be talking about this.”
“Right,” Blaine said bitterly. “Those fucking boxes.”
“I don’t think our friendship is going to work without them,” he said.
“Maybe our friendship isn’t working because we were always meant to be more
than friends,” Blaine said. “Did you ever think of that?”
“I’m dating Evan, Blaine,” he said, but the argument was starting to sound old,
even to his ears. “How many times do I have to remind you of that?”
“Do you love him?” Blaine asked.
“We just started dating,” he said, knowing the answer was no and dreading what
he knew Blaine’s next question was going to be.
“You’ve dated him longer than you were with me,” Blaine said.
“That was different,” he said, trying to find a way to justify why he didn’t
love a boy he’d been with for three months.
“Please explain to me how you could fall in love with me in a month, but still
don’t love him if he’s so great?” Blaine asked.
“I don’t know,” Kurt said, admitting the one thing that had been simmering in
his mind all afternoon. If he was being honest, he’d been thinking about it for
the last few weeks actually, but had been barely able to admit it to himself.
He honestly didn’t know why he was fighting so hard to keep Evan.
Sure he was great, but he never felt 100% comfortable with him the way he did
with Blaine. Kurt had stuck around and kept waiting for it to happen with more
time, but it never did. He was always biting his tongue and holding back his
opinion around Evan. They had a good relationship, one Kurt certainly didn’t
regret, but it wasn’t passionate. Kurt had to be heavily making out with Evan
before he’d even get hard, but with Blaine all he had to do was think about the
feeling of Blaine’s lips on his and he’d be ready to go.
Sure, sex wasn’t everything in a relationship. It should be something, though.
And if that epic, mind blowing, toe-curling sex was with somebody that he also
considered his best friend, wasn’t that the best option for Kurt?
So why wasn’t he running at the opportunity to be with Blaine again?
“I just wish something so much better for you than him,” Blaine explained.
“I’ve seen you two together and he’s cute but do you have anything in common
except the Warblers and Dalton?”
“We’re boyfriends, not best friends,” he said, though the excuse sounded
flimsy, even to his own ears. “We don’t have to share all the same interests.
They say opposites attract.”
“You’re with him so you can have an excuse not to be with me,” Blaine said.
“That’s the only reason you’re still hanging onto him. I’m just trying to
figure out why.”
“I don’t know,” he said, terrified that Blaine might be right. That couldn’t be
the only reason he was with Evan though… No. He was with Evan because he made
him feel good. It made him feel special and wanted when he got to walk down the
hallways holding another boy’s hand. He liked having somebody to call him every
night and wish him a good night’s sleep.
It might be corny, but he enjoyed all of those things that Evan did for him. He
liked having a boyfriend far more than having a boy he just fooled around with
all of the time.
“Let me paint you a picture,” Blaine said. “Thursday night is the Lady Gaga
concert we have tickets for. I’m sure you remember because you worked so hard
to save up money to see the show but still couldn’t afford the tickets. I got
them for you for Christmas. While I had a million other gift ideas in mind, I
knew that this one in particular would make your face light up with that bright
smile you’re usually too embarrassed to show anyone.
“We’ll go together, obviously, because you know there’s nobody you’d rather
enjoy music with than me. I’ll admit to you that I’m not incredibly fond of
Lady Gaga’s live performances and we’ll argue about it on the car ride into
Cincinnati until I tell you that she’s still a musical god and I really
appreciate her lyrics and musicality. After that, we’ll go to dinner at this
little French bakery waxing poetically about her lyrics.”
“A bakery?” Kurt interrupted.
“Yes, a bakery. Most guys would take you to a full dinner, but I know you
better than that. I know that you can’t eat a big meal if you know that you’re
going to be in a crowd. You’re slightly claustrophobic and feel nauseous around
that many people even though you’ve never admitted it to anyone. Your dad told
me once at family dinner that you once threw up at a carnival because you got
lost in a crowd and ever since then you refuse to eat a lot if you know you’re
going to be around a lot of people. It’s why I bought us box seats, so we don’t
have to spend the whole night suffocated by people we don’t know.”
Kurt held a hand up against his heart, pressing down hard. It felt like it was
being pulled out of his chest and he was trying to push it back in, trying to
stop the pain.
“It’ll be a French bakery, because we both love the food and I’ll want to hear
you try and impress me with your French skills when you order for the two of
us,” Blaine continued so smoothly, that Kurt wondered if he hadn’t been
practicing this speech all night long. “You’re going to jump around and dance,
screaming all the words to every song. You’ll even get me to dance along as
well, because we’ll both be high on adrenaline and good music—which means we
are going to be starving afterwards.
“I’ll stop at Denny’s, where you’re going to order the pancakes because you
claim it’s your favorite meal. I’ll order grilled cheese with French fries
because I don’t order meals without a potato and you always tease me for it.
When the meals come, though, we’ll switch plates. I can never resist pancakes,
and you like comfort food much more than you care to admit.
“You and I? We work. Somehow, whenever we are together, it just works. We’ve
never had a problem doing things together, it’s never been awkward for us the
way it is for all of my friends whenever they start dating somebody. Can you
say that about him?”
Kurt shook his head, but couldn’t seem to find the words to vocalize anything
at the moment. His heart still felt like it was going to explode or something.
He wondered if that was what it felt like to have a heart attack.
“We’re perfect together,” Blaine said, continuing, somehow knowing that Kurt
was still there listening even though he hadn’t said a word in the last ten
minutes. “You will never, ever have to pretend to like something just because I
do. We’ll bicker over tiny things like how much salt to put on the popcorn or
what season of Doctor Who is the best, but we won’t ever make each other feel
like they have to change who they are just to make the other one happy. Because
we’ll know that we love each other exactly the way they are.”
“Blaine,” he whispers faintly, his name sounding closer to a breath of air.
“I know you’re scared,” Blaine said. “You trusted me with this and I broke it.
It hurt so you’re scared to trust me again. But I promise you that I will make
it worth it. I’m never going to call you Baby or Sweetheart because I know how
much those terms annoy you. You don’t like feeling owned. I understand because
it’s the same way you cringed when Evan said you were his boyfriend, like you
were a toy. You hate feeling submissive to somebody else because you think they
don’t trust you enough to dominate. That was never an issue with us. You knew
that I always thought you were the strong one. You submitted to me. You would
moan when my body would cover yours and I would pin you down. You knew that it
didn’t mean I thought you were something to be owned like it does with everyone
else. Doesn’t that ever make you wonder?”
“Please,” Kurt said, unsure what he was pleading Blaine for exactly. Not
knowing if he wanted him to stop or keep talking.
“I’m just asking for you to love me again,” Blaine said. “Make me yours.”
“You stupid boy,” Kurt said affectionately. “Me loving you has never been the
problem.”
“Then what is?” he asked, but he wouldn’t get an answer.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Notes
     Warnings for infidelity in this chapter as well as hints at an
     emotionally abusive relationship.
Kurt woke up the next morning feeling horrible. He didn’t even want to think
about getting out of bed and facing the day, not after yesterday. Not after
last night. He wondered if he could stay in bed forever and never have to deal
with anything again. It was a tempting solution to his problem.
He’d asked Blaine for some time to think about everything. Their phone call had
stirred something in him that he didn’t know how to deal with. He felt the
intense longing to be with Blaine again and wanted more than anything to say
yes to his pleas. He loved Blaine, there was no denying that anymore.
Still, the phone call had been very late at night and he’d been exhausted from
the busy day. The very last thing he wanted was to say something he’d regret
later. So he’d asked for some time to think it over. That was what mature
people did, right?
He didn’t think time was going to make any of his problems go away, though.
He’d still have to deal with them eventually. He just wasn’t sure how. He knew
that he’d be breaking up with Evan. There wasn’t any way he could stay with him
now that he realized he was only using him to replace Blaine.
He had to end things with Evan. It wouldn’t magically make things between him
and Blaine perfect—that was going to take some more work—but it would be a big
start. He just needed to pick up the phone and tell Evan that they weren’t
going to work out. Something was stopping him, though. He was reluctant to
break it off with Evan, even though he’d practically admitted to not loving
him.
Fear, Kurt realized. Fear was what was holding him back. He knew how much Evan
cared about him and he didn’t want to be the reason Evan got hurt. Kurt had
been in that position and he didn’t want to be the one to cause that kind of
pain. He knew that Evan hadn’t done anything wrong except for fall for the
wrong guy. How could Kurt just go and destroy him like that?
Maybe it was selfish of him, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Evan looking
at him in betrayal when he’d only ever looked at him like he’d built the moon
and the stars just for him.
Kurt picked up his phone and called Lauren. If anyone would be able to give him
advice about telling somebody something they didn’t want to hear, it was her.
She never had a problem with being honest. She didn’t feel guilty about other
people’s feelings.
“What up, Cullen?” Lauren answered.
“How do you tell somebody something they don’t want to hear?” he asked,
immediately getting to the point.
“You just tell ‘em,” she said and he could just picture her unconcerned shrug.
“Not doing anybody any good if you sugar coat things. We talking about
Anderson?”
“Not exactly,” Kurt said with a blush.
“You’re dumping Spanish Prince Charming?” she asked. “Shit, we’re going to need
a different venue for this conversation. Ice Cream?”
“It’s ten o’clock in the morning,” he said.
“So all you can eat pancakes? Or did you want something fancier? This is your
breakup not mine,” she said.
“I’m not… we didn’t break up. Not yet, at least,” he said. “I don’t know. I’m
still deciding.”
“Cullen, Evan was never going to be your OTP,”
“Then why did you push me towards him?”
“Because there is nothing wrong with two gorgeous boys going at each other
while one of them waits for their endgame lover to get their head out of their
ass.”
“You spend too much time on the Internet,” Kurt said with a roll of his eyes.
“And so do you considering you understood everything I just said,” she replied.
“I feel like I used him,” Kurt said with a sigh, getting back on topic. “I
honestly didn’t know that was going to happen. I liked Evan. I thought I could
fall for him.”
“You’re seventeen, give yourself a break,” she said, as sympathetic as she was
capable of sounding. “The guy at the end of the story isn’t supposed to be the
rebound guy.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Name one epic romance that never had to work for it.”
“You hate Blaine,” he said instead of answering her question. He knew that he
couldn’t.
“The hobbit is growing on me, much like Samwise did in Lord of the Rings,” she
said. Kurt was always impressed with how she could turn almost anything into a
fandom reference. “You know how annoyingly up Frodo’s ass he was in the
beginning of the movies, following him around like a lost puppy?”
“Blaine wasn’t hopelessly devoted to me,” Kurt said. “He ignored me.”
“Okay, fine. Bad reference, but still,” she said. “He grew on me and now that
I’ve gotten to know him a bit more, I like him. He’s fiery.”
“Fiery?” he asked, wondering at what point they’d spent more time together and
how that time had lead to her thinking Blaine was fiery.
“Yeah,” she said but didn’t explain why. He rolled his eyes and dropped it.
“Can we get back to how I’m supposed to tell Evan that I want to break up?
Because the Blaine side of this makes my head hurt,” he whined.
“Just be honest,” Lauren said. “The longer you let him believe you want to be
with him, the harder it’s going to be for both of you.”
Kurt wasn’t quite sure that helped him at all. In fact, he knew the last thing
he could do was just walk up to Evan and tell him he wanted to break up. Evan
would want to know why and Kurt didn’t think he could tell him that it was
because he was in love with another man. He’d have to figure something else
out.
Rather than try to figure out a solution, Kurt decided to spend his entire day
holed up in his room with his phone turned on silent so he could conveniently
ignore the texts that Evan was sending him every few hours. Monday went by in a
similar fashion, with Kurt opting to study in the library during lunch rather
than sit next to Evan, where his boyfriend would be constantly trying to pull
him away to a secluded hallway to make out. He practically ran to his dorm that
day after school so he wouldn’t have to talk to him. He felt horrible about it,
but he didn’t think he could look him in the face without blurting out that he
was in love with Blaine.
When Tuesday came, Kurt decided he’d had enough hiding. He was going to be a
man and break up with Evan, just like Lauren had suggested. It was a simple
enough plan. First thing in the morning, before he even stopped by his locker,
Kurt found Evan and told him that he wanted to talk to him about something
during lunch. This way, Kurt wouldn’t be able to chicken out. Evan had agreed
with a slight frown, as if he knew what was coming.
That was good, Kurt told himself. If Evan thought Kurt might break up with him,
he could start to prepare himself for their conversation. Maybe it didn’t have
to be such a train wreck of a breakup.
All of that had been wishful thinking though, because when Kurt walked over to
Evan’s locker as the bell rang for lunch, the very last thing he could do was
break up with him because Evan was already upset about something else. The
second Kurt was within touching distance of Evan, he found himself pulled into
a hug so tight that he thought he might bruise a rib.
“My mom’s moving back to Spain,” Evan said with a shaky breath, sounding like
he was close to tears.
“What?” Kurt asked, rubbing his back to try and calm him down enough to talk.
Everyone was walking past them with concerned looks on their faces. Kurt pulled
away and dragged a distraught Evan into an empty classroom for some privacy.
“What happened?” he asked again.
“My mom texted me during second period,” Evan explained, pulling out his phone.
He held it out for Kurt to see.
Your father had an affair. I’m moving back to Spain tomorrow. Don’t know if
your dad is going to let you come.
“She sent you that in a text?” Kurt asked, outraged on Evan’s behalf. How could
somebody’s own mother tell their child something that devastating over the
phone?
“I heard them arguing on Sunday. I tried to talk to you about it, but you
didn’t answer your phone,” he explained.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt said, instantly feeling guilty. “My battery was dead.”
“They always fight, I didn’t think she’d actually move out,” he said, sniffling
a little.
“What are you going to do?” Kurt asked, wondering if Evan would have to move to
Spain as well. A small, very horrible part of him hoped that he would. It would
certainly solve a lot of the problems he’d been having. That was an incredibly
rude thought though. He didn’t wish this on anybody, let alone somebody as
sweet as Evan.
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I don’t know if my dad would ever let me move out of
the country and I don’t think my mom would have the money to fight it. I don’t
know if I’d want her to.”
Kurt didn’t know what to say, so he opted for holding Evan close as he cried
into his shoulder. This might have been how he pictured his lunch going, but he
certainly had planned it under different circumstances—his own breakup, not
Evan’s parents.
“Oh, I totally forgot,” Evan said, pulling back and wiping his eyes. “You had
something you wanted to talk to me about, right?”
“It’s alright,” he said, immediately ashamed of himself. Here Evan was going
through something horrible and he couldn’t even pick up the phone on Sunday to
talk to him. He had planned on breaking up with him today. “It’s nothing that
can’t wait.”
“Thank you,” Evan said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Well fuck, Kurt thought.
****
As the week progressed, Kurt threw himself into being a better boyfriend to
Evan during this difficult time. He did his best to squash his feelings for
Blaine, at least temporarily. Once this stuff with Evan’s parents blew over,
he’d sort it all out. He’d break up with him then. He couldn’t be the guy that
broke up with somebody when their entire world was already falling apart. He
just couldn’t.
“Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” Evan asked him, Thursday afternoon from
his spot on Kurt’s bed.
“It’s Lady Gaga,” Kurt scoffed as he started to put blue glitter onto the
perfectly applied lightning bolt on his face.
He’d had this outfit planned for over a week—well he’d had outfits planned for
months, but he’d only recently settled on one. Black leather pants with a blue
tank top and a yellow-zebra print, short-sleeved hoodie with a wide neck
reminiscent of his idol. If he was going to a Gaga concert, he was going to do
it right. Besides, now that he was at Dalton he didn’t get a chance to express
himself through fashion as often as he’d like. Tonight was going to be a nice
break from the usual navy blazer.
“You’re going with Blaine then?” he asked, sounding unimpressed.
“I thought you and Blaine got along now,” Kurt said, turning to him with
concern. “Please don’t tell me that you’re getting jealous. It’s just a
concert.”
“Right,” he said with a long-suffering sigh.
Kurt returned it with a sigh and grumble of his own and turned back to the
mirror to finish his makeup. Blaine was going to be there any minute to pick
him up.
“Blaine bought these tickets for us over Christmas,” Kurt explained, hoping to
squash any argument before it could start. He didn’t want this of all days to
be ruined. “I didn’t even know you then and I’m certainly not going to not go
now just because I suddenly have a boyfriend.”
“It’s fine, Sweetheart,” Evan said, eyes glued to the comforter of Kurt’s bed.
While Evan’s face didn’t have a hint of malice to it, Kurt couldn’t help but
sense that things weren’t remotely fine.
“It’s not a date,” Kurt said, unsure why he felt the need to continue to
justify this further. Evan had said it was fine, why didn’t he just drop it?
“I just thought we could hang out tonight and watch a movie to get my mind off
things,” he said, whining a bit and grating on Kurt’s nerves. “But I’m sure
you’re sick of playing babysitter at this point.”
“I’m not,” he explained quickly, thought it was a bit of a lie. He was growing
irritated with Evan’s constant need to be around him all of the time. “I’d like
nothing more than to hang out with you. I just can’t tonight.”
“Of course,” Evan said. “Blaine calls.”
Kurt rolled his eyes but bit his tongue, it was no use arguing about this
further. It was obvious that Evan was determined to sulk about this. He almost
cheered in relief when his phone lit up with a text telling him that Blaine was
here.
“Listen, I’ve gotta go,” Kurt said, checking his pockets to make sure he had
everything he needed. He leaned over to kiss Evan goodbye, but Evan pulled
away.
“I can’t kiss you with that stuff on your face, baby,” Evan said with a look
that told Kurt he thought his outfit was disgusting.
“Fine,” Kurt said with an annoyed roll of his eyes, reminding himself that he
wouldn’t have to date him for that much longer. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Kurt closed the door behind him, not even bothering to look back. He was fuming
from the fact that Evan had the audacity to criticize his outfit. For starters,
it wasn’t like Kurt wore makeup every day; it was a concert for god’s sake. He
was allowed to be a little crazy when he was going to a concert. Also, how did
Evan—a boy who thought it was acceptable to wear track pants to the mall—get to
say anything about his fashion sense?
He didn’t.
“Hey, stranger,” Blaine greeted him as Kurt walked out of the dorms to find
Blaine casually leaning against his car. “You look amazing.”
Kurt’s mood instantly improved at the compliment, reminding himself that not
everybody in Ohio was completely blind to his genius.
“And you look like you’re going to see the Backstreet Boys’ forty-year
anniversary tour,” Kurt said, looking Blaine’s outfit up and down with
amusement. He was wearing the dark wash jeans Kurt had picked out—the ones that
hugged his ass just so—but he’d paired them with a simple, tight red polo.
Hardly Gaga material. “Don’t tell me that’s what you’re wearing to Gaga.”
Blaine threw a package at him which Kurt barely caught as he said, “I figured
I’d keep it plain. No use taking any attention away from you.”
Kurt looked down at the package and noticed eyelash glue, alcohol wipes, red
rhinestones, black eyeliner, and red eyeshadow. Kurt looked up from the package
to Blaine several times, trying to figure out what it was for.
“Did you expect me to deny you the joy of making me over?” Blaine asked with a
proud smile.
“Are you serious?” Kurt asked, feeling suddenly giddy at the thought of being
able to put makeup on the other boy. He’d always loved a good makeover, but he
rarely got a chance to do one. He never pictured Blaine as the type to let him
put rhinestones all over his face, but then again, Blaine had been changing a
lot recently—coming into his own.
“I’m agreeing to makeup and maybe some crazy glasses,” he said with a laugh.
“And I’ll only let you take pictures if you promise not to plaster them on
Facebook. My dad would kill me if a picture like that got put on the internet.
Future celebrity and all.”
“Try to be a little more modest, Anderson,” Kurt teased.
“So you agree to the terms?” he asked.
“Agreed,” he said, accepting Blaine’s welcoming hug, trying not to notice the
way Blaine’s nose nuzzled at his neck, smelling his cologne. He couldn’t notice
these things about Blaine. Not yet. Not until after he broke up with Evan. The
last thing he wanted was to be a cheater.
“Then my body is yours for the night,” Blaine said with a wink as he helped
Kurt into the car. Kurt tried not to flush at Blaine’s obvious double meaning.
No. They were not doing any of that tonight. He refused.
“So on a scale one to just won the lottery, how excited are you right now?”
Blaine asked, tossing his phone at Kurt so that he could pick some music for
them to listen to. It had pretty much become their tradition that Blaine was
always the one to drive and Kurt was always the one to pick out a soundtrack
for them to sing along to and talk over.
“It’s Gaga,” Kurt responded, which was answer enough to his question. Of course
he was excited. He was about to go to a concert for the artist that he
worshiped with the boy he was in love with. Tonight was going to be perfect.
“I’m really glad we could do this,” Blaine said, giving him a sweet smile as
they pulled out of the parking lot.
“Me, too,” he said, settling on some Lady Gaga music to get them pumped up for
the show.
“You haven’t really been texting me a lot since we talked on Sunday,” Blaine
said, clearly asking him if he’d had time to think about what they’d talked
about without really asking him.
“I’ve just had some stuff to deal with,” he said, biting his lip, hoping Blaine
saw it for the sign that it was. Hoping that Blaine could see that Kurt had
made his choice.
“And did you?” Blaine asked, giving him a significant look. “Deal with that
stuff?”
“Not yet,” he admitted, trying hard not to see the way Blaine’s face fell at
the news.
Kurt immediately felt like a horrible person. How could he, a boy who
previously had no friends let alone a boyfriend, have two gorgeous boys in love
with him? It defied the laws of nature. At this point, no matter what he did,
he was going to be letting somebody down. He hated that feeling. He hated
knowing that he was going to become the villain in this—the boy who couldn’t
choose. The boy who broke a good guy’s heart. The boy who threw a good thing
away.
Despite the fact that Evan could be clingy and didn’t always respect Kurt’s
interests, the thought of breaking up with him when he was going through such a
sad time made Kurt feel guilty. Of course, that guilt had nothing on the way
Kurt’s heart clinched at the sight of Blaine’s frown. It was like he didn’t
think he was worthy of Kurt. Like Kurt didn’t want to end it with Evan.
God was that wrong, though. Looking at Blaine—the way his hair was slightly
less gelled than usual, the way he’d purposefully worn the jeans Kurt picked
out for him because he knew it made him happy, the way he spent time doing
things with Kurt that he’d obviously never do on his own, (like offer to wear
makeup to a concert) but never made it seem like it was a chore—it took
everything in him not to kiss Blaine right there.
Instead, he distracted himself by scrolling through Blaine’s phone for some
songs to listen to.
“How can you have so many P!nk songs?” Kurt said with an easy, comfortable
laugh.
“Don’t you dare tell me that you don’t love P!nk,” he said, fixing him with a
stern glare before turning his eyes back to the road. “I’ve seen your iTunes
and know for a fact you have all of her albums.”
“Touché.”
****
After a quick dinner at a French bakery, just like Blaine had promised, they
found themselves in the bathroom of said bakery, with Blaine sitting on top of
the toilet seat while Kurt practically straddled him in order to glue the red
rhinestones around his eyes.
“On a scale one to ten, how ridiculous do I look?” Blaine asked, while keeping
his eyes closed like a good boy. He’d been yelled at once in the very beginning
when he’d jumped back suddenly at Kurt’s close contact and got black eyeliner
all down his face. He hadn’t moved since.
“You look fabulous,” Kurt said with a happy smile as he finished applying the
last of the rhinestones and blew on his face to help the glue dry.
“Alright, like 25% ridiculous but 75% fabulous which pretty much sums up Gaga,
don’t you think?” Kurt said, tapping him to let him know he could sit up and
look in the mirror.
Kurt watched nervously as Blaine leaned in close to the mirror and moved his
head side to side, inspecting Kurt’s work. He didn’t have to wait long for a
smile to break out on his face though as he was pulled in to pose in front of
Blaine’s phone.
“I thought you said no pictures,” Kurt laughed as Blaine put his arm around
Kurt’s neck and squeezed close so that their faces were pressed up against each
other.
“I said no pictures on Facebook,” he said. “I still want us to have pictures to
remember the night by.”
They made their way out of the bakery, grateful that it was close enough to the
arena that most of the other patrons barely spared them a second look. Once
they got to the arena, Blaine let himself be dragged along as Kurt insisted on
checking out all of the different souvenir stands, nodding along in agreement
as Kurt complained about the fact that there wasn’t anything nearly fabulous
enough for him to buy. He certainly wasn’t going to be wearing a plain concert
T-shirt anytime soon.
They found their seats just as the show was about to begin and Kurt would never
admit it, but he was forever grateful that Blaine had pulled the strings to get
them their own box for the show. He liked the idea of not having to worry about
anybody getting drunk and spilling their beer on them. He loved that he’d be
able to dance around without hitting anyone else. He especially liked that he
wouldn’t have to jump up and down to get a clear view of the stage when the
person in front of him inevitably put their girlfriend on their shoulders.
“You’re too good to me,” Kurt said right as the opening melody to her brand new
song ‘Edge of Glory’ started to play.
“Never good enough,” Blaine said with a smile, and Kurt thought it was supposed
to be reassuring, but all it did was make him feel sad. Lady Gaga came out
before Kurt could respond and he was quickly too distracted by the performance
to worry about it again.
The two of them danced along together, Kurt singing every word and Blaine
joining in on most of the songs. They laughed at the more outrageous sets and
outfits as well as drooled over the male dancers that rarely wore any shirts.
It was the most fun Kurt could remember having in a long time. It wasn’t often
that he got to be himself completely in an environment that didn’t harass him
for it. He got close with Dalton. He never got teased or bullied when he was
there, but he also didn’t ever get to wear his own outfits or speak his mind
all the time. He was protected, but he also felt a bit like a caged bird unable
to fly.
After the first act, Gaga came out and sat down to the piano to slow things
down. Blaine stepped away to get them both water from one of the waiters that
was walking around the hallway outside. Kurt leaned against the railing where
they’d moved the windows aside so they could fully enjoy the music, listening
to a slowed down version of Poker Face with a small smile on his face.
He’d heard about McKinley doing a Gaga week last year in which Rachel had
performed a similar version of this song and it only made him wish the Warblers
would listen to his song suggestions. As much as he loved singing in the
talented a capella group, he wanted to perform, not sway back and forth. He
wanted a chance to show the world his individuality, not blend into the
background. Some days, not always because he really didn’t miss getting
harassed, he really wished he’d never transferred.
“Here,” Blaine said, breaking him out of his thoughts as he handed him a
bottled water.
Kurt was still breathless from all the dancing but was impressed to see that
Blaine was breathing fairly evenly. Kurt guessed it was the benefit of running
on a treadmill with Finn every day before school. He wondered what else had
benefited from the increased workouts. He’d seen the broader shoulders when
he’d watched Blaine swim at State. His mind instantly went towards thoughts of
increased stamina and all the dirty things Kurt could do with that...
“This song is my favorite,” Blaine said, leaning against the railing next to
him, barely a centimeter between their bodies. Kurt could feel the heat and had
to close his eyes for a second to calm down. He didn’t need to explain a sudden
boner to Blaine. Worse, he didn’t need Blaine trying to be gentlemanly and help
him out with his problem.
Except he did. He really, really did. All he wanted as Blaine and it was
starting to drive him mad. Would it really be so bad if he let himself go and
gave in to his temptation?
They both watched silently as she started to perform ‘Speechless’ to a near
silent crowd. He was grateful for the stripped down, gorgeous performance
because it allowed him to focus his attention on that instead of the boy
standing next to him. He got lost in the music as he stood in awe. Beside him,
he could hear Blaine’s breathing hitch suddenly, as it often did when he heard
something he connected to. Both of them felt music so deeply that it had the
power to affect them physically. It was one of the many things they had in
common.
Kurt wasn’t sure at what point it happened, he didn’t even know which of them
had done it, but halfway through the song, they were holding hands. If he’d
been the one to reach out, it hadn’t been on purpose. It was just so hard to
avoid. They were constantly being pulled closer together all night long, like
magnets. He couldn’t help but be drawn to Blaine.
As the last verse started, Kurt felt Blaine’s hand grip his own tighter as she
started to grittily sing.
After all the boys and the girls that we’ve been through, would you give it all
up? Could you give it all up if I promise boy to you?
After that, Blaine started singing along to the rest of the song, sending a
chill down Kurt’s spine, more affected by the whole thing than he’d like to
admit.
“Will you ever talk again? Oh boy, why you so speechless? You’ve left me
speechless,” he sang, leaning in close to whisper the last line into Kurt’s
ear. He felt a gentle kiss to his shoulder, just where his shirt collar had
started to fall and was left bare.
Kurt turned around to meet Blaine’s eyes, the moment hanging between them was
so heavy and strong. He didn’t even know if he could blink, his eyes were glued
to Blaine’s, waiting for him to make the next move that they both so clearly
wanted. Kurt licked his lips and closed his eyes until all he could feel was
Blaine’s breath on his face growing closer as his breathing increased.
The opening of ‘Bad Romance’ started suddenly, so loud compared to the previous
ballad and they were shocked enough to jump apart like they’d just been caught
doing something so sinful. Blaine’s eyes met his in confusion as Kurt shook his
head, unsure what was happening, but knowing that he couldn’t keep denying it.
The moment was broken, the air felt lighter again, but there was still
something there.
Something that had always been there.
“Later,” Kurt said, unsure what exactly he was promising.
Later as in once he broke up with Evan? That was the only thing he could
rightfully promise. He didn’t know if he could wait that long. Not when he’d
waited months for a moment like this. Not when he was so suddenly reminded of
why they had fallen into each other so quickly after they first found one
another. They had something Kurt had never had with Evan—passion.
Blaine, thankfully, didn’t ask. Instead he grabbed onto Kurt’s hands and
started dancing around with him, silly as ever. They jumped and sang, making
total idiots out of themselves, but they were having fun. The tension from a
few moments ago was gone and Kurt was forever grateful that they had the
capability of switching back and forth so quickly.
Once the concert ended, Kurt couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face. He could
still feel the heavy bass of the band in his veins and it gave him an odd sense
of power—of freedom. He sang practically the entire walk to the car, leaning
heavily on Blaine as they recounted their favorite parts, getting lost in a
crowd of other ‘Little Monsters’—each dressed up as outrageous as the next
person.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Kurt said once they got to Blaine’s car,
realizing that the night was actually about to end and he really didn’t want it
to. He put his hands heavily on Blaine’s shoulder, the both of them high off
adrenaline.
It had been the best night of his life. His ears were still ringing, so he
didn’t quite hear Blaine’s response until he leaned in and said it right into
his ear, close enough that Kurt’s hands naturally found their way around
Blaine’s waist.
“It was worth it to see you like this,” he said, his breath hot on Kurt’s ear
and voice huskier from all the screaming.
“That was just… It was incredible,” Kurt said, laughing. He hadn’t felt this
happy in a long time. “Thank you, again.”
He was breathless. A million thoughts were running through his head, too fast
to stop and contemplate any of them. He kept thinking of songs that were sung
and lyrics they should talk about. There were outfits to analyze and
performances that didn’t match the song that they’d have to figure out. One
thought that did keep running through his mind until he was forced to focus on
it? Blaine. He was licking his lips and Kurt looked down to realize that he
practically had Blaine pinned to the car.
When had that happened?
There was a magic to the air. Something about watching an artist put so much of
herself into a performance that was so unique without an ounce of fear of being
rejected. She was truly free of all of her fears and it was like, for a few
hours, the entire audience was allowed to be as well.
He didn’t think that would be a good enough excuse to justify his next action,
but it was the honest truth for why he felt no remorse when he reached out,
grabbed the back of Blaine’s neck, and pulled him in for a searing kiss.
He had to strain his neck down to meet Blaine’s lips. He didn’t notice how much
taller he’d gotten in the last few months and never imagined how much he’d like
how small Blaine now seemed in his arms. Though Blaine was broad and strong as
a swimmer had to be, Kurt still had enough inches on him to make him seem
tiny—to make Kurt feel protective over him.
Their tongues met, pushing against each other and fighting for dominance, until
Kurt gave in and let Blaine take control of the kiss. When Blaine started
clawing at the back of his shirt, barely containing the need to throw it off,
Kurt had just enough sense to pull away and push Blaine into the back seat.
They couldn’t really be doing this with an audience.
Kurt quickly crawled in after Blaine and locked the door behind them. It didn’t
take Blaine long to crawl into Kurt’s lap and soon Blaine was straddling him
and their mouths were going at it again. He groaned into the kiss, he’d been
missing the feeling of warm lips yielding to his own as fingers pulled at his
carefully sculpted hair.
He took that back, he’d had Evan’s lips against his for the last few months,
and that had been great. He just missed the specific feeling of Blaine’s lips
against his. He missed the way his cock got instantly hard when Blaine bit at
his lower lip. He loved the way Blaine never treated him delicately, yet
somehow remained a complete gentleman. He missed another boy’s kisses making
him dizzy. He hadn’t gotten lost in a haze of delicious lust since the last
time he’d been with Blaine.
He’d never found that with Evan. From the second he’d kissed Blaine tonight, it
was painfully obvious how little his attraction was for Evan. He was nice to
look at, sure. However, they’d never found a sexual chemistry together that
made Kurt ever want for more. With Blaine, he always wanted more. He could have
sex with Blaine everyday for the rest of his life and he’d always want for
more.
That didn’t make any of this okay, Kurt had to remind himself as his mind
hastily tried to make up excuses for why it was alright that he was cheating on
his boyfriend. By God though, did it make it easy to say yes when Blaine
whispered how much he needed Kurt with a nibble to his ear.
Kurt had to bite his lip hard to keep from crying out when Blaine’s hand found
its way to his cock.
“You don’t have to hide, you know I love it when you scream for me,” Blaine
said, that cocky smirk back in full force as he sank to his knees on the floor
of the car and began unzipping Kurt’s leather pants.
“I know,” Kurt said, barely able to form words as his vision started to blur
from pleasure. “I don’t really want everyone outside to hear me, though.”
“Is that a challenge?” he asked, sinking his mouth around Kurt’s cock before he
could answer.
“Fuck,” Kurt cried out, one hand going up to cover his mouth and the other
tangled itself into Blaine’s hair.
How either of them had ever thought they could work apart, Kurt had no idea. No
other boy would ever be able to make Kurt do things like this. Here he was, in
a crowded parking lot where pretty much anybody could walk past and see them,
getting a blow job from a boy that was decidedly not his boyfriend. If anybody
else had told this story to Kurt, he’d be horrified, but here he was. He was
letting this happen and didn’t regret a second of it. Not when Blaine’s tongue
was flicking back and forth against the head of his cock, smearing pre-come
everywhere.
His heels dug into the seat repeatedly as he tried to hold onto reality and
stop himself from fucking into Blaine’s pretty little mouth. It was just so wet
and warm, he could barely stop himself. His toes curled as he felt his orgasm
start to build. It wouldn’t take long at this point for him to be coming all
over Blaine’s gorgeous face.
He immediately pictured it. Blaine smiling, lost in pleasure as Kurt’s come
spilled all over him. His tongue would dart out to try and catch it all, but it
would fail. He knew it wasn’t something Blaine would be opposed to...
He tugged on Blaine’s hair, making his grip almost painful when Blaine refused
to pull off. As amazing as it would be to continue to watch Blaine’s lips
stretch over him as he bobbed up and down until Kurt came, he needed to stop.
This was their first time together again and Kurt wanted them to come together.
He didn’t even know if Blaine was close.
He tugged again, this time uncaring if he hurt Blaine, because Blaine was doing
that deadly thing with his nails against the inside of his thigh and Kurt hated
being teased. Not when he was trying to control himself. Blaine pulled back
finally with a groan and gave him a pout; his lips swollen and covered in spit
and come.
“I was busy,” he grumbled.
“I noticed,” Kurt said. “I have a better idea though.”
He twisted them both around—which took a lot more time than he’d like in the
small space of the backseat—so that he was lying down on top of Blaine. He
covered Blaine’s tiny frame with his own, loving that Blaine was strong enough
to take his weight. Then he reached down between them to unzip Blaine’s pants
and pulled his hard cock out until it was brushing against his own.
They both cried out at the contact and Blaine wasted no time in bucking his
hips up again to find the delicious friction they were both looking for. Kurt
pulled his hips back enough so that Blaine’s own couldn’t reach his. Not yet.
Not when there was something so important he wanted to say first. He cradled
Blaine’s face in between his hands and stared down at him. How had it ever
taken them this long to find their way back to each other when it was so
obvious they were perfect for one another?
“You’re so gorgeous,” he said, fucking down against Blaine suddenly. All
promises to break up with Evan, all speeches about how it had only ever been
Blaine were lost. He just couldn’t make his mouth form the words when his dick
was brushing against Blaine’s.
Blaine didn’t seem to be complaining as his legs wrapped around Kurt and his
heels dug into Kurt’s back as he called out Kurt’s name, followed by breathless
cries of love. Kurt could have ignored them. He could have been vindictive in
this moment and let Blaine feel the way he’d felt when he’d first said those
words to Blaine, but he didn’t. He couldn’t deny this perfect boy anything. Not
anymore.
“I love you, too,” he said, biting down on Blaine’s neck to keep from sobbing
at how much that was true. “I love you so fucking much.”
It only took a few more thrusts for Blaine to come and Kurt wasn’t far behind
him. They were still teenage boys after all; they were far from sex gods even
if it did feel like they might be some days. Kurt was too lost in pleasure do
much of anything as his orgasm hit, but thankfully Blaine was lucid enough to
reach down and jerk them both through their last moments of pleasure until it
became too much and he was forced to stop.
Exhausted, Kurt slumped down onto Blaine. Unfortunately there wasn’t enough
space for him to roll off completely, so he was still half on top of Blaine.
Blaine didn’t seem to be complaining though. He reached his arms around to pull
Kurt close and placed a sweet kiss to Kurt’s sweaty forehead.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, torn between wanting to fall into a
peaceful, satisfied slumber, and needing to get themselves coherent enough to
face reality and head home.
“We should probably get going,” Kurt said, sitting up before Blaine grabbed his
wrist and pulled him back down.
“Stay,” he whined. “Traffic is going to be horrendous and we aren’t getting out
of this parking lot anytime soon. I just got you back; I want to hold you for a
little while longer.”
Kurt couldn’t really argue with that. Especially when Blaine looked so adorable
with his hair starting to come loose from the gel in some parts so he was left
with only sections of his hair in lose curls.
He reached out for the swimming bag Blaine had in the back seat and felt around
until he found a towel. He then cleaned them both up and tucked them carefully
into their pants, shooting Blaine a sympathetic smile when he hissed from
oversensitivity. Once they were somewhat presentable, he lay back down on
Blaine. He loved the way that Blaine’s arms so comfortably wrapped around his
shoulders and began scratching soothingly at his scalp.
“What happens now?” Blaine whispered, his voice at once in awe of Kurt and
terrified. Like maybe he thought this was just a dream. Kurt was thinking the
same thing, because it couldn’t have been this easy to fall back into each
other. Not when they’d spent so long fighting it. All that time apart, all that
time wasted with Evan, it seemed silly now. Pointless.
“I guess have to talk to Evan,” Kurt said.
“You’re going to break up with him?” he asked, needing to hear Kurt say it.
“Yes,” he said. “I’ve wanted to ever since we talked on Sunday, I just… I’m
going to do it. I’m really going to do it this time. I promise.”
Blaine nodded, but didn’t look that convinced.
“I want to be with you,” Kurt said, caressing his face lovingly, trying to re-
memorize every line. “It’s always been you. I just need to tell him that.”
Blaine’s smile couldn’t have been as big as Kurt’s was in that moment. They’d
done it. They’d gotten through the storm together and nothing could touch them
now. As far as Kurt was concerned, the worst was behind them now.
They spent most of the ride home in wistful silence, lost in their own thoughts
and holding hands over the center console as Kurt plugged Blaine’s iPod in and
played Ron Pope’s album. As much as ‘Freedom Hangs Like Heaven’ would always be
their song, Kurt’s considered this album theirs as well—ever since Blaine had
brokenly sung it to him before he broke up with him. Now he thought they had a
chance to redeem those beautiful songs. They didn’t have to be about love
falling apart anymore. They could be about love finally coming together.
“I notice a chill in the air, September is creeping up fast. Like autumn turns
leaves, winter will breathe cold on our necks, snow in our paths. Wherever she
goes, all that I know about us is that beautiful things never last, that’s why
fireflies flash,” Blaine sang softly, making Kurt wish he could record the
sound of his voice and play it back late at night when the dorms were too quiet
and he missed the sounds of his dad’s loud snores letting him know he wasn’t
alone. There was just something so comforting about the sound of Blaine’s
voice. Even if the words weren’t perfectly matched to their situation, the
melody was and, by God, did Blaine know how to speak a thousand words through
music alone.
When they got back to Dalton, Blaine said goodbye with only a single, loving
kiss to his hand and a smile that made Kurt feel like he could do anything.
Breaking up with Evan was going to suck, but he was so incredibly ready to be
able to call Blaine his own.
He walked up the stairs of the dorms, grateful for the silence. His dad had to
call the school to get him special permission to stay out past curfew, which
meant it was about two hours after mandatory lights out time and pretty much
all of the students were fast asleep. He danced on the wood floors as he made
his way to his room, too delighted to try and contain himself. What did it
matter? Nobody was awake to see him.
He was surprised when he turned the corner to his hallway and saw Evan standing
by his door, crying openly.
“What are you still doing up?” Kurt asked, his voice hoarse from exhaustion and
all the singing.
“You promised me there was nothing to worry about,” he said, sounding
completely broken.
How on Earth could he know? Kurt thought. He’d fixed his hair in the mirror
before he got out of Blaine’s car and he made sure he didn’t look like he’d
been having sex. He was worried he might run into one of the hallway advisors
and he didn’t want to have to explain what he’d been up to that made him look
so disheveled. He knew he looked completely perfect. There was just no way that
Evan could have known.
“What are you talking about?” he asked,
Evan held out his phone to show Kurt a text message that made his jaw drop. He
could deny anything if it had only been words, but if a picture spoke a
thousand words then a video had to be the most damning evidence of all.
***** Chapter 20 *****
“You promised me there was nothing to worry about,” Evan had said and his words
kept bouncing around in Kurt’s mind as he stared down at the video of him with
Blaine having sex in the janitor’s closet of McKinley. 
Kurt had seen the video before. It was the same one that Lauren had given him a
few months back. He hadn’t exactly forgotten about it, but it had been awhile
since he’d even seen the flash drive for it. He wasn’t even sure that he’d
gotten it back from Blaine in the first place. He didn’t want to know how Evan
had come across it. 
“Where did you get this?” he said, finally able to vocalize something after a
good five minutes of opening and closing his mouth while Evan glared daggers at
him. 
“Where do you think?” Evan spat, careful to keep his voice quiet enough so that
they didn’t wake their hall advisor and get in trouble for being up after
lights out. “Your secret lover sent it to me just like he’s been sending me
messages for the last two weeks. I thought he was lying about the two of you.” 
“Blaine sent you this?” Kurt asked, and sure enough, Blaine’s name was at the
top of the chat log, clear as day. 
“How could you do this to me?” Evan asked, his voice cracking with emotion. 
“This video is old, it’s from before I even met you,” he hastily tried to
explain. He couldn’t believe Blaine would send this—not after the night they’d
just shared—but he couldn’t deny the evidence when it was staring him in the
face. 
“So you didn’t sleep with him tonight?” Evan asked, daring him to lie. “Blaine
sent me a text saying you guys hooked up and that I lost. It’s like he thinks
you’re some kind of prize.” 
“And you’re any better?” he snapped, feeling overwhelmed. 
He’d never imagined Evan would have to find out this way. While on one hand, he
was just glad Evan knew and now they could get the breakup over with, on the
other hand, he was mortified. How could Blaine have done this to him? It didn’t
make any sense. 
“Don’t you dare act like I’m the bad guy here,” Evan said. “You just had sex
with a boy you promised me was only ever your friend. You cheated on me,
Kurt.” 
“You don’t understand,” he tried to explain, but found the words were failing
him as he grew more and more overwhelmed by all of this. “Blaine and I… I can’t
just ignore what we have together. Not anymore.” 
“You know he’s playing you, right?” Evan said with a bitter laugh. “You’re
throwing all that we have together away from a boy that’s only ever been
interested in getting into your pants.” 
“You don’t know him,” Kurt practically growled. Why did everyone keep telling
him Blaine could only ever want him for sex? Kurt had other things to offer a
relationship and Blaine had told him he wanted to be his boyfriend. This wasn’t
about sex. 
It couldn’t be about just sex. He was 100% sure of it. 
Okay, he was 90% sure of it...
“I think I know him better than you do,” he responded. “Check out those texts
he sent me. He’s been playing the victim because he knew the second you pitied
him, you’d drop your pants and I guess he was right.” 
Evan sounded so disgusted with Kurt. It made him feel like Evan thought he was
a prostitute and the thought alone made him sick. He slapped Evan hard across
the face before he even stopped to think about what he was doing. The second
his hand connected with Evan’s cheek, his eyes were wide and he was apologizing
profusely. 
What on Earth had happened to them? They’d never once fought before. They’d
never even bickered over what dessert to order at a restaurant. Now they were
making each other feel like crap and he was slapping his boyfriend? This wasn’t
how they acted. 
“I love you,” Evan said, tears in his eyes as he looked at Kurt, betrayed. “I
don’t understand why you did this to me—to us—but that doesn’t change the fact
that I still love you. Can you really say the same about him, if this is how he
treats you? Showing a sex tape of you two around like it’s another gold medal
to hang around his neck?” 
Kurt looked down at Evan’s screen and started scrolling back through the
messages Blaine had sent to Evan. Each one was more horrible than the last and
felt like a heavy stone had been dropped on his stomach. He wanted to throw up.
He wanted to scream out and cry at how horribly he’d been deceived by somebody
he thought he could spend forever with. 
It just didn’t add up. How could anybody fake the connection they shared? How
could everything they had together be an act? Then again, it wasn’t like Evan
could lie about this when Kurt was holding the phone in his hands with Blaine’s
own texts. 
<i>Kurt and I just hooked up, sorry you couldn’t be here to watch.
Does he cry out your name when he comes? Does he even let you touch him?
I bet he still tells you he’s a virgin.
You know that you can’t give him what he needs. He needs a man not some prep
school little boy.
I’m going to win and you’re going to lose.
I bet I can get him to sleep with me again before he ever even considers
sleeping with you.</i>
For Evan’s part, he barely responded to Blaine except to ask him repeatedly to
stop and remind him that Kurt was a person, not a prize. It sounded to eerily
similar to what Blaine had told him about Evan. That Evan treated him like he
was something to be owned… Kurt had the horrible realization that one of the
most convincing arguments Blaine had made for the two of them to get back
together again had actually come from Evan’s mouth. 
Oh God, Kurt thought, eyes swimming with tears. What had he done? 
“I’m so sorry about all of this,” Kurt whispered, handing Evan back his phone
as tears fell from both of their eyes. “I didn’t think he was like this.” 
“You’re so trusting,” Evan said, putting a soft hand to Kurt’s cheek. “It’s one
of the things I love about you, but it’s the thing that’s allows people like
Blaine to walk all over you.”
“Why aren’t you angrier with me?” he asked. “If you cheated on me, I’d be
throwing things and screaming at you.” 
“I probably should be,” Evan admitted with a self-depreciating laugh. “I guess
it’s just hard to be upset with you when you look like you’re in so much
pain.” 
“I trusted him,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. “I gave him
everything.” 
“Trust me, now,” Evan said with a kiss to his forehead as he lead him gently
into his room and helped him get his shoes off so that he could tuck Kurt into
bed. “Give me everything. I’ll never break you.” 
Kurt had no idea how to respond to that. It sent an odd chill down his spine
when he heard it that should have sent off several red flags, but he was too
busy drowning in his sorrow over Blaine to pay attention to it. 
Maybe he was only 50% sure that Blaine wanted him for more than sex.
“Goodnight, my love,” Evan said, turning off the light and leaving him alone to
try and sleep the pain of another disappointment away. He fell asleep staring
at a new message from Blaine, trying to figure out how it always fell apart so
quickly when it took so long to get it together. 
To Kurt:
<b>Tonight was perfect, just like you! I never want to forget it <3</b>
Attached was the picture Blaine had taken of them in the bathroom of the
bakery. Both of their faces were pressed up against each other and Blaine’s
smile was one of the brightest Kurt had ever seen. Not because it was bigger
than usual, but because it was so relaxed and natural. 
How could any of that be forced? How could Blaine have really sent those
hateful messages to Evan while acting so sweet towards him? Was Kurt’s judge of
character really that off? He’d thought Evan was the one trying to control him
with his ‘Sweethearts’ and ‘Babies’, how had he gotten things so wrong? 
****
If Kurt thought he was mortified that Evan had seen a video of him having sex
with Blaine, it had nothing on how he felt when he realized the entire school
had somehow seen it. The video had been posted online last night and the link
had been emailed to at least half of the student body, with the other half
watching it on their friend’s smart phones the next morning. 
Dalton had a strict no-bullying policy, which meant nobody could openly call
him a slut or a whore, but that didn’t stop the implications. No-bullying
didn’t mean everyone had to be nice to him. Not when he’d cheated on one of the
most well liked boys in school. 
“I figured he was one of those,” he’d hear whispered behind him in classes. 
“I’m sorry to hear about your boyfriend. Some guys just can’t keep it in their
pants,” others would offer their condolences to Evan loud enough for Kurt to
hear. 
He was even handed a push-up pop during English class by one of his classmates.
Right in front of Mrs. Hawthorne the kid had the balls to say, “I know how you
like sucking on things.” 
Kurt had been seconds from pointing out that he hadn’t even been sucking Blaine
off in the video, but he stopped himself before he let it slip out. It wouldn’t
have helped matters. 
There was nothing the teachers could do to stop it since nobody was breaking
any rules, per say. The only person to be given even a warning was Jeremy
Brooks, Evan’s best friend, when he’d ‘accidentally’ hit Kurt with a volleyball
during gym. Since the teachers couldn’t prove that it wasn’t an accident, the
incident had been let go. 
As the day progressed texted started coming in from McKinley as well, which
meant the video had made it to his old school. 
From Lauren:
<b>I’m so sorry. Unbelievably sorry.</b>
From Santana:
<b>Thank you mother fucking Jesus that was some hot shit. Where did you learn
all that?</b>
From Unknown Number:
<b>No wonder the rest of us never stood a chance with him. Nice ass ;)</b>
From Rachel:
<b>Celebrities with true talent don’t have to release sex tapes to get noticed.
Cheap tricks don’t earn lasting fame.</b>
From Finn:
<b>Why is there a video of you on the Internet? Does Burt know? Do you know?
Crap.
Um… if you didn’t know there’s a video of you on the Internet.</b>
There were several messages from unknown numbers that he didn’t even bother to
read after the first few. Not once single message came in from Blaine though.
Kurt wondered if that meant he was guilty. He hated thinking it when his gut
kept telling him that it couldn’t, but he didn’t know what else to believe at
this point. It would be a hell of a lot easier to figure this out if Blaine
would just text him. It wasn’t like them to not talk at all during the day and
with something as scandalous as their sex tape getting released radio silence
was the last thing he’d expect. 
Kurt had never been so ashamed in his entire life. The entire school, the place
where he’d sought refuge, now thought he was some sex hungry skank all because
of one single mistake he made. Shit—the entire town probably thought that. None
of his classmates would talk to him. Kurt had walked all over Evan’s heart. It
didn’t matter that the video they were watching was old. He could have
explained that, but it wouldn’t change the fact that Kurt had cheated on Evan
last night. Maybe he deserved what was happening. 
Kurt glared down at his phone screen willing Blaine to call him. He wondered
how he could have the audacity to ignore him when he had to know what Kurt was
dealing with since the video was going around McKinley as well. He pocketed his
phone, unsure how he even wanted to approach the issue with Blaine when he had
enough on his plate at the moment trying to keep his head down and not see the
constant glares he was getting. He’d worry about it when he got home. 
Home. He was going to have to drive back to Lima tonight. There was no way he
could face a whole night in the dorms with these boys when the school day had
been bad enough. At least at school he had teachers around if things got out of
hand. 
“I can’t believe you had sex with that asshole,” Evan said, meeting him at his
locker after sixth period. “What kind of a person releases a sex tape to the
entire school? We’re high schoolers not Kardashians.” 
“How do you know it was him?” he asked, suddenly feeling suspicious. 
Obviously, the rational part of his mind was saying Blaine had to be the
culprit. Apart from Lauren, who kept spending him apology texts for ever
filming the thing in the first place, Blaine was the only one that had known
about the tape. He had been the one to send it to Evan; it was likely he’d
posted it online at the same time he’d sent the text. 
There was just something about the way Evan was handing this though. He was mad
at Blaine, but not remotely angry with Kurt. It was the exact opposite response
that any normal person would have. Kurt was the one who cheated, not Blaine.
Kurt had committed himself to being Evan’s boyfriend and Kurt had broken that,
not Blaine. So it would stand to reason that Evan would blame him instead of
Blaine, right? 
So why was he being so supportive of Kurt when the rest of the school was
persecuting him? Kurt was missing something. 
Evan had been in possession of the video the second that Blaine had sent it to
him. He would have been able to find the Dalton student emails far easier than
Blaine ever would have. How did Kurt know that Evan hadn’t sent the video to
get back at him for cheating? How did he know that this wasn’t his big revenge,
since he refused to get his anger out by yelling like a normal person. 
“Please tell me you’re not going to continue to defend a guy that’s bragging
all over the Internet about how he tricked you into bed,” Evan said with a roll
of his eyes. “He sent me a video of you two having sex and then released it
online for everyone else to see. Stop trying to make this okay.” 
“I’m not trying to make this okay!” he yelled. 
Kurt slammed the door of his locker hard in frustration, needing to hit
something. It caused several students to turn and watch. It wasn’t often that
Dalton had drama like this. Without girls to scream over and no violence
policies in place, this was the first good fight they’d seen in a long time. Of
course everyone was going to stop and watch it all go down. 
“Then why aren’t you mad at him?” Evan asked, his voice loud enough to carry
through the halls. 
“I’m furious!” Kurt screamed. “You don’t think I’m mad? I’m humiliated, okay?
Is that what you want me to say? I’m not this kind of guy! I don’t just sleep
around with anybody and everybody. You know that! I take sex seriously and now
there’s a video of me where I look like some slut who will let anybody fuck me
and I’m mad. I want to throw things and punch every person that looks at me
with that knowing smirk, but I can’t. I’m angry. Don’t you dare try to tell me
I’m not.” 
“Mr. Hummel,” Headmaster Charlston said, coming up behind him and putting a
heavy hand on his shoulder. “My office, now.” 
Kurt’s stomach dropped at the tone and wondered how he could possibly have
gotten into trouble for any of this when it’d been his classmates making snide
comments his direction all day. He was innocent in all of this, a horribly
embarrassed victim of some sick competition between two boys vying for his
affection. 
Whoever thought this would work to their favor was sorely mistaken, because the
last thing Kurt would ever feel in relation to this was forgiveness.  
He followed the Headmaster to the main office and sat down in one of the hard
wooden chairs in the lobby when he was prompted. He was left there to wait with
nothing more than a quick, “Your father will be here soon.” 
Kurt had never been in trouble like this before. The few times he’d ever had to
meet with his principal at his old schools had never been because he was in
trouble. There was the time in third grade when he wouldn’t stop crying and his
principal had to meet with his dad to discuss sending him to a shrink to deal
with the passing of his mother. Then there had been sixth grade when his dad
had dragged him into the office after the school refused to let him play the
Wicked Witch in their production of The Wizard of Oz despite having no other
volunteers. The most recent time had been with Figgins. 
His father had never been called to school because he’d done something wrong.
The most obnoxious part of it was that he didn’t even fully understand why it
was happening. Sure, he knew it had to do with the sex tape. If anything
though, they should have been checking to make sure he was alright, not
treating him like a criminal. He was the one who’d just been humiliated in
front of all of his classmates. They should have been working to get the video
taken down; not calling his dad like it had been his idea in the first place. 
Maybe that was what they thought? Maybe he just had to explain that he hadn’t
been the one to post it and everything would be alright. Well, almost
everything. His dad was still going to find out about the tape, there was no
avoiding that. He didn’t even want to think about what his father would think
of him. Sure, he already knew that Kurt had slept with Blaine, but he didn’t
need to know that they had a sex tape together and now the entire world could
see it if they knew the correct URL. 
He was going to be so disappointed in Kurt. He started preparing himself for
the inevitable, ‘what would your mother think of this?’ speech that never
failed to make him feel like the shittiest person in the world. 
“What happened?” his dad asked frantically the second he ran into the office,
out of breath with his hat slightly askew. “You alright? Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine,” Kurt said, staring at the grains in the chair, not wanting to see
the look of confusion on his dad’s face. His father had assumed he was hurt. He
didn’t think he was in trouble because his dad thought too highly of Kurt to
assume that. God, he was such a disappointment. 
Since his headmaster hadn’t told Burt why he’d been called down there, Kurt
wondered if he could convince his dad to leave before he ever had to find out.
He didn’t know if he could bear having to see that look of love fade from his
eyes. Oh god, what if the school expected <i>him</i> to tell his dad? He didn’t
think he’d be able to make the words, ‘Dad I have a sex tape and it’s going
around school,’ come out of his mouth. 
“Mr. Hummel,” Headmaster Charlston greeted his dad, ruining all chance of a
quick getaway. 
“Mind telling me why I got called out of work if my kid’s perfectly fine?” his
dad asked. 
“Let’s talk inside privately,” he said, nodding his head towards his office. 
Kurt remained in his seat as his father and the headmaster went inside and
closed the door. He felt like his heart would jump out of his chest and his
nails were digging into his palms, he was so nervous. He had no idea how his
dad was going to react, but he knew it would be explosive. Kurt just hoped he
would take pity on him. It wasn’t like he wanted this to happen. 
Kurt waited outside of the office for close to forty minutes, catching only
snippets here and there as his dad clearly yelled and argued with the man. The
only thing that gave Kurt any sort of relief was the knowledge that if his dad
was yelling at the headmaster, he was obviously standing up for Kurt. That
meant that even if Kurt had messed up, he wasn’t beyond forgiveness. His dad
still loved him. 
Eventually, Kurt was allowed to join his dad. The air inside of the office was
tense. Kurt couldn’t have even cut it with a knife because it was just too
thick. He kept his eyes down, only glancing at his father out of the corner of
his eyes. His dad’s arms were crossed tightly across his chest and his jaw was
clenched. He was fuming. 
“I assume you know why we’re here,” Headmaster Charlston said. 
“No,” he admitted which earned him a raised eyebrow from the man. “I mean, yes,
I know why where here. But I don’t really understand why I’m in trouble for any
of it.” 
“You are aware that there is a video of you and another man in a compromising
situation going around?” the headmaster asked. 
“Yes,” Kurt said blushing heavily and cursing whoever put him in this situation
for the thousandth time that day. “But I didn’t put it on the Internet. I
didn’t do anything wrong,” he explained quietly not daring to met his father’s
eyes. 
“Dalton has a strict Code of Ethics that you agreed to when you started
attending here,” the headmaster explained. “Whether or not the tape was
released by you or not is irrelevant. The issue the school has is the acts
committed in the video.” 
“Because it’s with a man?” Kurt asked. “I thought you guys didn’t persecute
people for their sexuality, that’s what it says in the student handbook.” 
“The student handbook also explicitly tells its students to act in a way that
would be fitting of a gentleman. Having sex in a public setting for anyone to
see doesn’t adhere to that. Having sex at all at your age doesn’t adhere to
that. We’re going to have to let you go.” 
“Let me go?” Kurt asked. “What does that even mean? I’m not your employee.” 
“They’re expelling you,” Burt answered for him, his voice tight with rage. 
“Expelling me?” Kurt repeated, outraged. “I didn’t do anything wrong! I’m the
victim here.” 
“We’ll talk about it later,” Burt said with a warning tone. 
“You’re just going to let them kick me out?” he asked, horrified. He couldn’t
change schools again, he just couldn’t. 
“What would you have me do?” Burt said. “I’ve already screamed and pleaded on
your behalf and they won’t budge. There was a strict rule in place and you
broke it. It’s over. Now we’ve got to go pack up your things and leave.” 
“Leave?” Kurt yelled, looking at the headmaster with tears in his eyes.
“Please, you can’t do this to me. I don’t have anywhere else to go.” 
“I’m truly sorry for this, Mr. Hummel,” the older man said. 
“If you were sorry, you wouldn’t do this to me,” Kurt said. “I can’t go back to
my old school. They bullied me. They beat me up. This is the only place I have
where I can be safe. You have to do something.” 
“I understand where you’re coming from, but you have to understand the position
you’ve put me in,” he explained. “This school works because we are strict with
our rules. If I bend them for you, then I have to bend them for other students
and pretty soon our zero-tolerance policies are completely ineffective. This
sanctuary that you and so many other students have here would fall apart. I
have a responsibility to enforce the rules strictly. I’m sorry to see you go,
especially knowing the stories of your old school. You made a choice though and
sometimes there’s nothing we can do but live with the consequences.” 
“I didn’t post the video,” Kurt tried to reason, knowing it was a feeble
attempt. 
“That may be true, but unless you can prove it wasn’t you in the video, you
still broke our Code of Ethics,” he said. 
“Let’s go, Kurt,” Burt said, pulling him up by the elbow. “There’s nothing more
that we can do here.” 
“I’ll talk to the board and try to get you a refund,” the headmaster said,
shaking his dad’s hand. 
“That’d be appreciated,” Burt said. 
“I wish you both the best,” he said. “Kurt’s a good kid.” 
As soon as the door closed behind them, his dad dropped his arm as if it were
like acid. 
“Let’s go get your stuff,” he said, coldly. 
“If it helps, this was before the ‘you matter’ speech?” Kurt said timidly.  
“It doesn’t,” his dad said. 
They collected the cardboard boxes that the secretary was nice enough to give
them to help with moving out and then walked all the way back to the dorms in
silence. Kurt was grateful that it was the middle of last period so that his
classmates wouldn’t have to watch his walk of shame. It was embarrassing enough
that they’d seen him having sex. They didn’t need to watch him get expelled
from school, too. 
“I just don’t understand why you threw away such a good opportunity,” Burt said
as they reached his room and Kurt pulled the packing tape out of his drawer so
they could start to build the boxes. 
“I didn’t post that video,” he said, pleading with his dad to understand.
“Trust me, people seeing that is the last thing I ever wanted.” 
“Why did you and Evan film something like that anyway? And why wasn’t he called
into the office?” Burt asked. 
“It wasn’t with Evan,” he admitted quietly, ashamed. 
“Jesus Christ, Kurt,” Burt exclaimed. “There’s a third guy here? What happened
to my innocent little boy?” 
“There’s no third guy,” he explained. “It was Blaine.” 
“Blaine?” Burt asked, an inquisitive look to his eye, but he seemed less upset
about the prospect of Kurt being with Blaine than he did Kurt being with his
own boyfriend. 
“Okay, try to hide your love for him a bit, could you?” Kurt said annoyed. He’d
never understood why his dad could like Blaine so much when he’d hurt Kurt yet
he continued to hate Evan when he’d been nothing but a gentleman. 
“I’m not happy about this,” Burt said. “I’m disappointed in you. In both of you
really, but I’m not Blaine’s father so I can’t really lecture him. You know
better than this, though.” 
“I know,” he whispered. 
“I still love you, I know you’re bound to make mistakes, it’s just
frustrating,” Burt explained. 
“I know,” he repeated. He figured it was going to be his mantra all through
this lecture. There was nothing his dad would be able to tell him that he
hadn’t already thought. 
“We finally found something good for you here, and now it’s gone,” Burt said.
“You can’t go back to McKinley either, so now what? Homeschool?” 
“I don’t want to be homeschooled,” he said quickly. 
“Well, too damn bad,” Burt said. “I think you’ve lost the right to chose where
you go since you got expelled from school. You should be grateful your mother’s
not here to see this.” 
And there it was. The single card his dad ever had to play to make him feel
guiltier than anything else. 
“I’m sorry,” Kurt said, tears filling his eyes. “Please don’t make me be
homeschooled.”
“I guess we can look into Mt. Carmel,” Burt grumbled. “Their Glee club is
really popular so maybe they’ll be more accepting of people, but we’re never
going to find another Dalton.” 
“There’s nothing we can do?” he asked, but he knew the answer was no. He’d
heard the headmaster’s argument and he knew Dalton’s punishments were harsh and
unchangeable. 
“What would you have me do? Sue the school? We’re already involved in a lawsuit
against McKinley,” Burt explained sounding exhausted. “We can’t keep doing
this. We’ve got to find a solution that works long term.” 
“I am really sorry Dad,” he said honestly. “I didn’t want this to happen.” 
“This is what happens when you decide you’re capable of making adult
decisions,” Burt said. “You get to deal with adult consequences. Did my speech
mean nothing to you?” 
“Of course not,” Kurt said sheepishly. 
He had taken what his dad had said to heart. He’d tried to start taking better
care of himself and respecting himself more. The problem was his speech had
come after the sex fueled, locker room meet up. He’d been too late.  
“You and Blaine aren’t old enough to be having sex,” he said. “You’re kids and
now you’ve got a sex tape on the Internet. Why on Earth would you put that on
video?” 
Kurt didn’t bother responding. At this point he knew he was just going to have
to put up with his dad’s snide comments for the rest of the day until his
father cooled down enough to really hear him when he apologized. 
“If you didn’t post the video, who did?” Burt asked.
“I don’t know,” Kurt admitted. 
“You must have some idea,” he prodded. 
“I don’t know,” he repeated, frustrated. “Blaine? Evan? I have no idea.” 
“Well,” Burt scoffed as if the answer should be clear. 
“Dad,” he said with a warning tone. “You have no idea who did this. Blaine has
just as much reason to release it as Evan does and Blaine had access to the
video. He texted it to Evan.”
“Blaine sent a video of you getting intimate with him to Evan?” Burt asked with
a raised eyebrow. “Why would he do that?” 
“To break us up? How should I know?” 
“You said you were already planning on breaking up with him,” he said. “And
don’t you think that’s a little convenient? The little shit’s—” 
“Dad!” he cut his dad off before he could finish his sentence. “Please.” 
Kurt heard the bell ring in the distance, signaling the end of the school day.
Students would start flooding the halls soon, but he was grateful his roommate
would be gone at Lacrosse practice for another few hours. If he was lucky, he
could slip out without having to talk to that many people. 
There was a soft knock on his door a few minutes later and Kurt was surprised
to look up and find Evan watching him with a somber expression. He was supposed
to be at a Warblers meeting. 
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Burt grumbled, giving Kurt a pointed look and
clearly refraining himself from saying any more as he left the room in search
of a place to buy coffee. Kurt suspected coffee might have been code for a
beer, but he didn’t think he was in a position to lecture his dad on his
choices. Not after the day he’d put him through. 
“You can’t leave,” Evan cried, rushing to Kurt’s side to pull him in for a hug
as soon as the door was shut behind them.  
“I got expelled,” he explained bitterly. “I don’t really have a choice.” 
“He had to know what he was doing,” Evan said. He pulled away and reluctantly
started to help Kurt pack up his things into the boxes the school had provided
for him. 
“What do you mean?” he asked, annoyed, unsure of who Evan was talking about. 
“Kurt,” Evan said, waiting until Kurt turned around to meet his eyes. “You know
that I didn’t do this, right? You aren’t blaming me?” 
Kurt rubbed his face, trying to will the headache away. He was sick of thinking
about this. He was sick of trying to figure any of it out when it all just hurt
too much. His classmates, whom he thought were his friends, all thought he was
a whore. He was being kicked out of the only school where he’d never had to
deal with being bullied. His own father was so disappointed in him that he
could barely meet his eyes without tearing up. 
Everything was falling apart because of one carefree moment in a janitor’s
closet months ago. He wished, more than anything, he could take it all back. He
wished he’d just erased the video the second that Lauren had given it to him
and had never shown Blaine. None of this would have happened if he’d just
gotten rid of the video. Maybe he was to blame for this.
“I had nothing to gain from releasing that tape and everything to lose,” Evan
said. “You’re leaving Dalton because of that tape. Why would I ever want
that?” 
Kurt shrugged, unable to answer his question. He was right. There wasn’t any
good reason that Evan could have for releasing the tape. He’d been at Dalton
long enough to know their rules. He would have known that a tape like that
would go against the Dalton Code of Ethics and be grounds for expulsion. If he
really still wanted to be with Kurt like he said he did, he had nothing to gain
from releasing the tape. 
Which only left Blaine to blame. 
“Why would he do that?” Kurt asked, feeling himself start to cry for the sixth
time that day. 
“Because he knew it’d get you out of Dalton and away from me,” Evan said. “He’s
probably hoping you’ll go back to McKinley now.” 
“Well, I’m probably going to have to be home schooled now so congratulations.
We all lose,” he said, resentful about the whole thing. Had the Lady Gaga
concert really only been yesterday? He’d been so stupid to think that one night
could fix everything.  
“Are you sure there’s nothing that your dad can do to make them bend the rules
a little bit? You aren’t the one that released the tape,” Evan asked. 
“They don’t care. I still acted in a way that was unbecoming of a Dalton
student,” he said in a mockingly bitter tone.  
“This sucks,” Evan grumbled. “You just moved in!” 
“I guess I’m just destined to be a vagabond,” he said, taping up a box with all
of his school supplies in it and moving to his closet, quickly snatching a
scarf out of Evan’s hands before he could wrinkle it by folding it wrong. 
“I’m sorry this happened to you,” Evan said. “You’re a good guy, you don’t
deserve this.” 
“Thanks,” Kurt said. His smile didn’t come close to reaching his eyes, but it
was at least genuine. 
“It’s time to get going,” Burt said, appearing at the doorway with a Starbuck’s
in hand. 
Not a beer, Kurt said to himself. That must have meant Burt had calmed down a
bit from his original anger. That was a good sign. Maybe he wouldn’t be
grounded for the next twenty years. 
“It was nice to see you, Mr. H,” Evan said, giving his dad a polite smile that
wasn’t returned. 
Evan turned to give Kurt a grimace at his dad’s continued hatred of him, before
gesturing for Kurt to call him and left. 
“You know you could cut him some slack. He’s not the one in the sex tape with
me,” Kurt reminded him. 
“Doesn’t make me like him any more,” he said. 
His dad and Evan had never gotten along no matter how hard Evan tried to win
him over. It never made any sense to Kurt but when he’d asked him about it, his
dad had spouted a bunch of nonsense about how Kurt shouldn’t have to change to
be with Evan and a <i>feeling</i> he had about him. He would have taken it more
seriously if his dad didn’t continue to campaign for Blaine to come around the
house more often. His dad couldn’t be that good of a judge of character if he
thought Blaine walked on water. 
“You ready to go?” Burt asked as they threw the last of his stuff into a box. 
Kurt nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. For all his talk of being a caged
bird at Dalton, he’d never truly wanted to leave. Not like this. Not when he
wasn’t able to make a triumphant return to McKinley. His dad was honestly going
to make him get homeschooled after this. He was going to be one of those freaky
kids that didn’t know what the Internet was. 
Maybe that would be a good thing after today, he thought bitterly. 
<i>No</i>. He’d just started making friends for the first time in his life. Now
was not the time to pull him out of school completely. He was going to grow up
to be one of those crazy cat people now. He’d have a small studio apartment and
fifty cats and talk to the mailman sadly about how he’d been forced to say
goodbye to all of his friends when he was young and never made a new one
again. 
Maybe that was a bit extreme, but this whole home school thing felt equally
extreme.
“Is everything going to be okay?” Kurt asked as they carried his boxes out to
put into the back of their two cars. 
“Of course it’s not okay,” Burt said. “But I guess you’re old enough to deal
with the consequences of your actions and you made these choices so what can we
do but move forward from here?” 
Kurt knew that was hardly the end of this argument, but for the moment his dad
seemed to be done talking about it so Kurt decided to drop it.  
“I just want to go back to McKinley,” Kurt admitted once they’d finished
packing the cars and they had turned his keys in to the front office. 
“Not until it’s safe,” Burt said. 
****
“What are you doing up?” Finn asked at five o’clock the next morning. Finn was
just coming down the stairs to grab his usual cereal before heading out to work
out with Blaine, but Kurt had prepared him a nice cooked breakfast instead. 
“You don’t even have school,” he said suspiciously. 
“I’m going with you this morning,” Kurt said leaving no room for argument as he
shoveled food onto Finn’s plate. 
“To the gym?” he asked, doubtfully. 
“I work out, too,” Kurt said, slightly offended. 
“I know, but you do yoga and ellipticals and stuff. We’re pretty much going to
be running around with weights on our ankles and seeing who can do the most
suicides. It’s not really your thing.” 
“I just got kicked out of school and I’m probably going to be homeschooled,”
Kurt snapped. “Can’t I just want to go to the gym with you to get out of the
house?” 
Finn gave him a suspicious look and Kurt knew that Finn could tell his wanting
to go to the gym had more to do with Finn’s workout partner than anything
else. 
Kurt had been up most of the night replaying everything over and over. He had
finally let himself admit that Blaine was at fault. Even if he didn’t post the
video online—which was still a possibility—he’d at least sent it to Evan which
had given him the opportunity to post the video online. Either way, all roads
lead back to Blaine. Kurt could admit that. What he couldn’t figure out was
why.
Why would Blaine put so much time and effort into winning him back just to
throw it all away just so he could brag to Evan about it? He thought Blaine was
better than that. 
Kurt needed answers and since Blaine hadn’t picked up his phone when Kurt tried
to call him yesterday, he decided that if he wanted to talk to Blaine, he’d
have to see him. He wanted to do this face to face. That way he’d be able to
see the truth all over Blaine’s face. He’d know if he was lying. Texting gave
Blaine a good cover. It gave him time to come up with lies. It gave him time to
chicken out. Phone calls could always be hung up on. 
No. Face to face was going to be ideal. He wanted to be able to look into
Blaine’s eyes when he admitted he threw their relationship away for some stupid
battle with Evan. He wanted to see Blaine’s face when he realized he would
never be able to make up for this. Blaine had lost Kurt Dalton. 
Blaine had lost Kurt his reputation. He’d even lost him a great deal of his
father’s respect and trust. None of that could really be taken back. 
Finn drove Kurt to school in relative silence. Kurt had snapped at him when he
couldn’t decide on a radio station and after that Finn had turned the radio off
altogether. When they got to the school, Kurt followed Finn as he didn’t even
bother to stop by the locker room first. There was no need. They were both
already dressed for practice. 
“Faster!” Kurt heard somebody yelling as they entered the gym and saw Mr.
Anderson holding a stopwatch as Blaine ran up and down the stairs of the
bleachers. 
“Kurt, hey,” Blaine said, surprised as he reached the bottom and noticed the
two of them standing off to the side awkwardly. 
“This isn’t social hour, we’re training,” Mr. Anderson yelled, staring down at
his clipboard and barely looking up at them. 
“Give me five minutes,” Blaine called back but it was no use. Kurt saw Mr.
Anderson look up with distaste and start walking his way. 
“So it’s you,” he said, looking down the top of his nose. “Don’t you think
you’ve done enough?”
“Excuse me?” Kurt said, highly offended. Did he seriously just insinuate that
any of this was Kurt’s fault? 
“Dad, please. Can I just have five minutes to talk to him?” Blaine asked. Mr.
Anderson reluctantly agreed after an impressive battle of wills. 
“I’m glad you came,” Blaine said, pulling him out of the gym so they could talk
in the empty hallway without anyone overhearing. “I was going to text you but
my dad’s been holding my phone hostage and they’ve had to ban Facebook and all
the major networking sites to get kids to stop watching it at school.” 
Kurt didn’t have to ask Blaine what it was to understand—the video. Kurt knew
it had reached McKinley because he’d gotten enough text messaged commentary
about it. 
“What would you have said?” he asked carefully. He was mad, sure, but he was
trying his best to talk about this rationally. 
“What do you mean?” Blaine asked cluelessly. 
“If you had been able to text me, what would you have said?” Kurt asked,
curious what Blaine thought he could even say to make up for all of this
happening. 
“I would have asked how you were doing with all of this,” he said, reaching his
hand up to put it on Kurt’s shoulder but Kurt pulled out of his reach. “It’s
kind of shitty that everyone’s seen that.” 
“Of course it’s shitty! How do you think I’m doing with this?” Kurt asked. “Why
did you do it?” 
“Me?” Blaine asked, looking taken back. “Wait, you’re honestly blaming me for
this?” 
“Well, you’re the one that had the video,” he said. 
“I gave it back to you,” Blaine said. “If anybody should have the blame here
it’s you. Who did you show it to?” 
“I didn’t show anybody,” he defended himself, remembering sheepishly that
Blaine had given him back the flash drive the day they’d watched it together at
Blaine’s. “You’re telling me that you never made a copy of it? I don’t believe
you.” 
“Fine, maybe I did, but I certainly didn’t show anybody,” Blaine said. “You
know what’s sad? That you probably know that Evan’s the one that did this but
for some reason you’ll continue to blame me.” 
“Why would Evan do this? I got kicked out of school because of this,” he
explained. 
He wanted to believe Blaine was innocent. He had his doubts all along, but he
knew he couldn’t let it go that easily. There were still the text messages to
Evan that couldn’t be denied. Kurt had seen them! 
“Shit, seriously?” Blaine asked, looking worried. It wasn’t fair; Blaine didn’t
get to be concerned about him. Not now. 
“Evan wouldn’t have gotten me expelled. What good would that do him?” Kurt
asked. 
It was the argument that he kept telling himself every time he thought maybe…
just maybe Evan had posted it. He’d had the perfect motive. Kurt had slept with
Blaine when he barely even let Evan touch him below the equator. But Evan
releasing the tape made just as little sense to him as Blaine doing it. What
was the benefit? 
“It got you angry at me,” Blaine countered, a bitter bite to his tone. “Did he
convince you to block my number yet? You de-friend me on Facebook in your quest
to villainize me?” 
“What else am I supposed to believe? He showed me the text messages you’ve been
sending him,” Kurt defended himself. 
“Seriously?” Blaine asked. “Then you know that <i>he’s</i> been the one giving
<i>me</i> shit.” 
“What are you talking about?” Kurt asked. It was almost hilarious that Blaine
was trying to pretend that he was the victim when Kurt saw Evan’s phone. Evan
had never done more than politely ask Blaine to stop. “All he asked was for you
to leave him alone.”
“He asked for me to leave you alone,” Blaine said condescendingly. “He told me
if I kept talking to you that he’d make my life hell, and guess what, he did!” 
“So you’re going to sit there and tell me that you didn’t send him a text
telling him that we hooked up last night?” he asked.
“Is that what he told you? The little shit is sneakier than I thought,” Blaine
muttered to himself. “Of course I didn’t tell him that. That moment was for us,
I wouldn’t share it with a slimy fuck like him. It meant something to me and
you know what? I thought that moment meant something to you, too, but I can see
you’re clearly going with him on this one even though you told me you were
going to break up with him. Do you even like him?” 
“You know what? Don’t even bother,” Blaine said when Kurt just stood there like
a guppy opening and closing his mouth, unable to think of a good retort. “I
have practice.” 
He threw his hands up and stormed back inside. Kurt stood there, unable to move
as he processed everything that had just happened. He wanted to believe Blaine,
but he also couldn’t pass off the text messages Evan had shown him as nothing.
He needed to talk about this more, but he didn’t think Blaine was going to 
come back and he knew Mr. Anderson would keep him away if he tried to enter the
gym again to talk to him. 
“What happened?” Finn asked, stepping outside and looking at him in concern. 
“Nothing,” he muttered. 
“Well that can’t be true because Blaine’s crying,” Finn said. “What did you
say?” 
“Me?” he asked. “What makes you think that I said something?”
“Because he’s the one crying,” Finn said. 
“Well good, let him. I don’t care,” he lied.  
“You’re being a little harsh, dude,” Finn said. 
“And why aren’t you? You hate Blaine. Well now’s your chance to bash him just
like you always wanted. He sent that video out,” Kurt argued, confused as to
why Finn wasn’t more upset over this. He’d rushed at any chance to criticize
Blaine before. This was a prime opportunity. Kurt wasn’t going to stop him. 
“I don’t <i>hate</i> Blaine,” Finn said. “I don’t like the guy, but I don’t
hate him.” 
“This is just what you said would always happen. Why aren’t you laughing and
saying I told you so?” Kurt yelled, growing more and more angry at Finn’s lack
of anger. Why was everyone taking Blaine’s side? His dad? Now Finn? 
“Because none of this is funny,” Finn said. “You weren’t here yesterday, you
have no idea. You didn’t watch Blaine get pulled out of Spanish class by Coach
Roz and disappear for the rest of the day as the video started to make its way
around. You didn’t hear his dad screaming at him in the locker room last
night—practically the whole school could hear it was so loud. Blaine’s going to
lose his sponsors for the rest of his upcoming meets because of this. I don’t
know a lot about a lot of things, but I know that there’s no way Blaine would
have done this to himself. He didn’t release the video.” 
Kurt let Finn’s words sink in until he knew they were undoubtedly correct.
Blaine valued his father’s respect a lot. His reputation as a role model was
important too—even if he had been to his fair share of college parties and
slept around a bit. He never would have posted something so incriminating to
his swimming career online. He wasn’t dumb. He wouldn’t have posted this if it
meant risking his father’s eternal disappointment. 
And above all else? Kurt knew when Blaine told him that he loved him that he
meant it. If Blaine wouldn’t have released the video for the pain it would
cause himself, he really wouldn’t have done it for the pain it would cause
Kurt. Which only left one question: what were the text messages from Blaine to
Evan and why was one of them a video that only the two of them—and Lauren who
swore up and down didn’t have a copy and the girl didn’t lie— were in
possession of? 
It still didn’t make any sense.
***** Chapter 21 *****
Since Kurt’s car had been taken away and he did want to make Finn find another
ride home from school that afternoon, he decided to walk home. McKinley was a
forty-five minute walk from his house but it would give him some much needed
time to clear his mind. Everything had happened so fast that he wasn’t entirely
sure which end was up or down. It had only been twenty-four hours since the
video had gone viral, but already Kurt felt he’d aged at least twenty years
because of it.
He wanted the truth. He needed to know exactly what happened so he could start
to figure out how to fix it. He wasn’t a person who could handle not being in
control, and this was definitely out of his control. Even if he could figure
out who’d posted the video, he’d never be able to get rid of it completely. It
would always be there in people’s minds—something they’d always have over him.
He was forever changed by this and he just wished more than anything he could
take it back.
He shouldn’t have even been having sex before he knew what he was getting into.
It wasn’t that he regretted Blaine per se, because he didn’t. He loved Blaine.
It was possible that his father had been right though, they had no business
sleeping together (especially in such public places) when they were so young
and inexperienced.
Still, what was done was done. There was nothing he could do to take back any
of his actions. The only thing he could do was to find a way to deal with
everything. He had to find a way to be okay with everything and that started
with finding out who had put the tape out there. If he could understand what
had happened and why, he could start to move on.
The walk home was good. It gave him a chance to calm down and clear his mind.
By the time he got to his house, he had a solid plan in place. He was going to
hide himself in his house for the next few months until everyone forgot about
the tape. If that didn’t work — because he was pretty sure his dad would never
let him wallow in his problems for that long— he would find a way to trace the
video, starting with the flash drive. The flash drive should still be in his
room. If he could find the flash drive, he’d know that the video had somehow
come from Blaine. If not? Well, that meant this whole thing was Kurt’s fault
and he wasn’t quite ready to admit that yet.
Kurt started with his desk, which was the most logical place he would put it.
He emptied drawers and cleared off his shelf. He even pulled the desk away from
the wall to make sure it hadn’t slipped behind it somehow. The only flash drive
that turned up was one with Casablanca on it that Evan must have left there.
He moved on to checking the pockets of all of his jackets followed by every
single pair of pants he owned, clean or dirty, and came back with nothing. He
dumped his nightstand drawer onto his bed only to find a collection of old
notes, pens and broken headphones. He looked under his bed. He looked behind
all of his furniture. He even looked in his underwear drawer. In the end, the
only thing he succeeded at doing was creating a mess that would give him an
excuse not to leave his room for days because it would likely take that long to
put everything back into its rightful place.
He didn’t have the flash drive and there were only a handful of people who
could have gotten their hands on it. That list started his family and ended
with Lauren, Blaine and Evan. Those were the only people with access to his
room and he had a sinking suspicion — helped along by the Casablanca flash
drive on his desk — that he knew what that meant. He knew who had taken the
flash drive.
“Let me guess,” he heard Lauren say from his bedroom door. “You can’t find the
video.”
“How did you get in?” he asked, surprised to see her.
“You’ve got an extra key under the front porch steps like every other boring
Midwest family that thinks they are too safe to worry about proper security,”
she explained. “You’re not going to find the flash drive.”
“Why?” he asked, though he already knew the answer himself.
“Because I hacked into the website and I know exactly who did it,” she said
with a self-satisfied smirk.
“Oh my God,” he whispered, nervous about what she was going to say. As much as
he wanted answers, he was terrified to have the truth spelled out to him in
black and white. No matter what, somebody he cared about had betrayed him so
completely that he would never be able to forgive them and he wasn’t sure he
really wanted to hear her say his name aloud, because he wasn’t stupid. It
could only really be him.
“I know, invasion of privacy or whatever,” she said. “But I felt really guilty
about the tape getting out since I’m the reason there even is a tape and Blaine
was moping around school which meant I had to spend the day listening to
Puckerman worry about little Samwise and I just figured I could at least do
this. So I’m sorry, but I know who has the flash drive.”
“Who?” he asked, finding himself praying that it actually was Evan who took the
video and posted it. It would hurt, but not as much as it would hurt if she
said Blaine’s name. He’d eventually get over Evan’s betrayal. He didn’t know if
he could get past it if it wasn’t Evan...
“Username HaventMetYouYet,” Lauren said with a grimace.
“That’s Evan,” Kurt said, feeling the anger that was already present start to
grow. He didn’t feel heartbroken at her confirmation like he thought he’d be.
Instead the only thing he felt was rage —pure rage.
“Just to make sure that there weren’t two HaventMetYouYet’s on the internet, I
got the IP address and traced it, too,” she said, holding a map out for him to
see. He looked at it closely just to be sure, but he already knew where it was.
“That’s Dalton,” he said through his teeth.
“He’s had that website made for a long time,” Lauren said. “Over a month. Why
would he release it now when he’s clearly been planning this for awhile? Did
you break up with him or something?”
“No,” he said, confused. He’d assumed Evan had come across the video recently
and had posted it after he realized Kurt had cheated on him last night. It
didn’t make any sense that he would have been planning this for longer.
“I was going to but then he told me that his parents were getting separated and
I put it off,” he finished lamely.
His nails dug into his palms as he tried to hold back his rage. He had to
confront Evan about all of this, that much was clear. What wasn’t clear was how
Kurt could make him suffer. What could Kurt do to make Evan feel even half as
bad as he did now? He hadn’t just fucked up Kurt’s life here but Blaine’s as
well.
Oh God — Blaine. This tape had destroyed Blaine just as badly as it had Kurt.
He had to make sure Evan paid for this, for both of their sakes.
“Well, something happened for him to decide to post it now,” she said with a
raised eyebrow, staring him down knowingly as he squirmed in his seat.
Kurt thought back to Thursday night and how he’d gotten off with Blaine in the
back seat of his car. Evan couldn’t possibly have known about that without
somebody telling him, but it was awfully convenient timing for Evan to decide
to post the video the same night that Kurt cheated on him, wasn’t it?
“You’re not telling me something, Cullen. I can see it all over your too-pale
face,” she said. “Spill.”
“Blaine and I hooked up on Thursday after the Lady Gaga concert,” he said,
fixing his gaze at what was sure to be a judgmental look. He knew that cheating
was wrong. He had known it had been wrong as soon as he’d done it. This was a
rather extreme consequence to have to pay for it, though.
When Finn cheated on Quinn with Rachel all he’d gotten was a slap on the face
and an epic, three hour screaming match over the phone. Kurt would have taken
that. He would gladly have taken that. Instead, he got a boyfriend that acted
like Kurt was the best thing to ever happen to him while secretly ruining his
life behind his back.
“What kind of hooking up are we talking here?” she asked with an amused glint
in her eyes.
“Does it matter?” he asked, flushing scarlet. She’d already seen his sex tape,
he wasn’t about to divulge more details about his sex life to her. Best friend
or not, there was a line and he wasn’t going to feed her strange obsession with
gay men having sex.
“Only for my already colorful mental image,” she mused. “Okay, so how did Evan
find out?”
“He said that Blaine texted him,” he explained, but in light of Evan’s lies
about the video, it felt like another one. Blaine had told him that he didn’t
post the video and that had been the truth. He had to be telling the truth
about the text messages as well.
“You don’t believe him, though,” she said with a nod, reading his face like
she’d always been able to do. “Well, there’s two ways to solve this mystery.
You could look through Evan’s phone to see if he was lying.”
“He showed me the messages,” Kurt said. “Blaine also sent him the video of us
together.”
“You mean the one that he’s had for over a month?” Lauren said giving him a
look until he connected the dots on his own. If Evan had had the video for so
long — which he’d obviously gotten one of the times he was in Kurt’s room — why
had he acted like it was the first time he’d seen it?
“Blaine didn’t send that text,” he said.
“Ding, ding, ding,” she said sarcastically. “Wow, I honestly thought you were
quicker than that. Well I could hack into Evan’s phone to see his history and
figure out what else he’s lied about but it’ll take a few days.”
“Or?” Kurt asked, knowing she had another option that she was clearly pushing
him towards.
“You could confront him yourself and demand to see his phone again,” Lauren
said. “Even if he’s deleted any texting history between himself and Blaine,
which is likely, you can see if he’s downloaded any fake texting aps. Even if
he’s deleted them as well, they’ll show up in his account history.”
“Wait, slow down, what?” Kurt asked, unable to keep up with her mile a minute
chatter.
“Evan’s clearly not the most tech savvy, otherwise he would have covered his
tracks up with more firewalls and a web of fake usernames and IP blockers like
I would have done. Clearly he’s no Steve Jobs,” she said. “Now if somebody that
was tech savvy wanted to send fake texts, that would be no problem. I could
make it look like I’d gotten a text message from Barack Obama’s personal line
with enough time.”
“But Evan’s not you,” he said, trying to figure out where she was going with
this and how Evan had faked text messages from Blaine and convinced Kurt they
were real.
“Exactly,” she said with a proud smile. “So if I was technologically
incompetent and I wanted to figure out a way to send a fake text message, the
first thing I would do is Google that and what do you think the first website
would be?”
Kurt stood up and went over to his desk to Google the results, wanting to see
it for himself. The first five links that showed up in his results were all
links to applications available in the App store. He looked up to see her
wearing a sad smile.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I never should have bugged that school and when I
saw you and Blaine together, I should have deleted it immediately.”
“Probably,” Kurt said. “But what’s done is done and I know you didn’t mean any
harm. You’re not the one that posted it online and then faked a string of text
messages to make me blame the boy I’m in love with.”
“Do you want me to go beat the shit out of him?” she asked. “I’ll make sure it
hurts.”
“No,” Kurt said. “If anyone’s going to deal with him, it’s me.”
“Ah, that’s the boy I knew was in there all along,” she said with a smile.
“Give him hell and don’t back down.”
Kurt thought about heading over to Dalton to call Evan out for his behavior,
but he realized that not only did he not have a car; he wasn’t allowed on
school property now that he’d been suspended. He wouldn’t be able to get to
Evan, not as long as he was living in the dorms. He’d have to get Evan to come
over here.
“What are you doing?” she asked as Kurt picked up his phone to text Evan.
“Showing Evan there’s a reason I’m called the Queen Bitch,” he said feeling
more empowered that he had in a long time.
He was a strong, confident man. He was a Hummel for God’s sake and he didn’t
get pushed around. He refused to get pushed around. Evan started this whole
thing, but Kurt was damn sure going to finish it. He had learned at an early
age how to fight back with words and while he might not be willing to handle
this mess with violence like Lauren was suggesting, he knew that he could cut
Evan deeper than any knife. He could hit him harder than Lauren’s fists.
“Damn Hummel,” she whistled, impressed. “Remind me never to get on your bad
side.”
Kurt studied his friend long and hard, wondering just how far he could threaten
Evan without getting Lauren into trouble. She had, after all, been the one to
film the video in the first place. While she was wrong to do it, he didn’t
think she deserved to get in trouble for it. She’d more than made up for it by
giving Kurt the evidence he needed to prove Evan was to blame for the video
getting posted online.
“I have one question for you,” he said, waiting for her to nod before he
continued. “Can any of this be traced back to you?”
“Please,” she said with a smirk. “You think I don’t cover my tracks? It would
take the entire forensic department to link that tape anywhere near my name and
there’s no way that our nearly bankrupt police department is spending that
money on a teenage sex scandal. Do with that information whatever you want.”
She handed him the print offs with all of Evan’s information and headed out the
door.
“I’ll see you around, Cullen,” she said with a wave and was gone as quickly as
she’d come in.
Kurt turned back to his phone where he had a half written text out to Evan and
finished typing in his message.
To Evan:
I can’t believe Blaine got me kicked out of Dalton.
To Kurt:
I’m sorry babe. He’s an ass.
To Evan:
It’s so lonely and boring here.
To Kurt:
Is your dad going to put you in another school?
To Evan:
Not tonight… my house is empty. My dad won’t be doing much of anything ;)
Come over?
To Kurt:
I’ll be there in two hours Sweetheart<3
Kurt gagged at the pet name. While it had annoyed him and made him feel
suffocated before, it made him physically sick now. Evan was such a two-faced
bastard. Kurt never would have guessed that somebody so sweet and caring on the
outside could have such a cold heart. It had taken all of his self control not
to type up every imaginable insult for the boy, but Kurt knew Evan would never
come over if he knew Kurt suspected. He would get to say his piece once Evan
got here. He could wait two hours.
Two hours seemed like a lifetime when there was nothing to do but stare at the
clock and contemplate murder.
****
“Hey, Sweetheart,” Evan said, immediately leaning in for a kiss as soon as Kurt
opened the door.
“Hey,” Kurt said, cleverly dodging out of the way. The thought of having those
lips on his ever again made his stomach churn in disgust. “Let’s go to my
room,” he said, tugging Evan inside quickly leading him through the entryway
and over to the stairs.
“Eager today are we?” Evan said with a clueless chuckle.
God. He had no idea that Kurt knew. He honestly believed he was coming over to
Kurt’s house with the possibility of getting lucky. It was disgusting. What was
more disgusting was knowing that if Kurt had never found out the truth, Evan
would have let Kurt keep believing he was this perfectly innocent boy. It was
disgusting. He didn’t know how Evan lived with all the lies.
“I’ve been home all alone all day,” Kurt said, gritting his teeth and forcing a
smile. He had a plan to make Evan admit what he’d done and he was going to
follow through with it.
“Ah, my baby’s been lonely without me?” he asked, running a hand down Kurt’s
back that made him want to immediately get into the shower and scrub his skin
until it was raw. What a difference a day could make; he might have admitted
that he was never quite as passionate with Evan as he was Blaine but he never
thought he’d actually recoil from his touch, either.
“I just wish I could still be at Dalton,” Kurt complained once they got to his
room. Evan immediately moved to sit on the bed and Kurt could tell Evan had a
plan of his own. Well, there was no way in hell Kurt was going to allow that to
happen.
“I missed you today,” Evan said with a playful pout. “I had to watch Jeff and
Nick making out in the hallway with nobody to make fun of them with.”
“I’m sure you had plenty of other people to talk to today,” he said.
“Nobody that was you,” Evan said, reaching out his hand to grab onto Kurt’s
wrist and pull him forward. “I’m sorry you got expelled. How are you doing?”
“It’s just really upsetting because I thought I actually found somewhere I
could be comfortable,” he explained, forcing himself not to yank his hand away
from Evan. He didn’t want Evan to suspect that he knew something was wrong. He
wanted to hear him admit it himself.
“I’m sorry,” Evan said, moving to put his lips on the inside of Kurt’s wrist.
Kurt instantly pulled his hand away but quickly covered it by waving his arms
around as he started to rant.
“I found a place where I didn’t have to worry anymore because nobody was going
to bully me,” he said, hoping Evan felt guilty for everything he’d taken away
from him. “Then that stupid tape got out and half of the school turned on me.
Even if my dad convinced the school to change their mind about expelling me, I
don’t think I could go back.”
“I’m sorry, babe,” Evan repeated with a grimace but not looking remotely
guilty. He was either the world’s best actor or more heartless than Kurt
originally thought. “Did you confront Blaine about it? It was a really shitty
thing he did.”
Kurt had half the mind to slap Evan then and there. They both knew that Blaine
had nothing to do with this, yet Evan was determined to let Kurt continue
thinking he had.
“Yeah, the thing is, he claimed he didn’t do it,” he said, studying him
carefully for any signs of guilt or nervousness. There was none.
“Typical,” Evan said with a snort, trying to pull Kurt onto the bed with him
but Kurt subtly moved out of his reach.
“I know,” he said with a snort. He could barely believe that Evan wasn’t even
reacting in the slightest. This wasn’t the first time Kurt had played the guilt
trip card. He did it all the time with his dad and Finn. He’d even used it once
or twice on Blaine. He’d thought he was an expert at it, but Evan wasn’t even
fidgeting nervously. If Kurt didn’t have the proof printed onto a piece of
paper currently in his pocket, he would have assumed Evan was innocent.
“What kind of a person can do something so horrible to somebody else then act
completely innocent afterward? It makes me sick,” Kurt said, crossing his arms
and staring at Evan, daring him to confess.
“You should just cut him out of your life, that’d be better for you,” Evan said
in what was probably supposed to be a soothing tone but it just came off as
slimy. “I hate seeing you so worked up like this.”
“So you think that I should just never talk to him again?” Kurt asked, wanting
to smirk but he held it back. This wasn’t the confession he was hoping for, but
he couldn’t deny the conversation was still working out in his benefit.
“What he did to you — to us — it was unforgivable,” Evan explained. “You
deserve more.”
“I do,” he agreed, his voice tight with barely concealed anger.
“So that’s settled,” Evan said with a blissful smile that Kurt wanted to rip
off of his face and feed to a lion.
“Except it’s not,” Kurt said, his voice suddenly ice cold as he moved in for
the kill. “See, I’ve been talking to my dad about this. I want to see Blaine
burn for what he did to me. I asked Lauren to track down the IP address of the
person who posted the video. My dad wants to press charges.”
“Press charges?” Evan said, squirming only slightly, but Kurt had been looking
for it. Kurt knew he had him. Evan was finally reacting to something, only it
wasn’t guilt like he’d expected — it was fear.
“Yes,” he said, his voice sugary sweet and overly fake. “But let’s not worry
about that, Sweetheart. I don’t want Blaine coming between us anymore.”
“Are you sure you want to investigate this further?” Evan asked, his voice
filled with anxiety that made Kurt smile. He stood up and began walking towards
Kurt, wrapping his trembling hands around Kurt’s waist, only to move them to
his shoulders, then back to his waist nervously. “Wouldn’t it be better to just
drop it? The more you think about this, the more upset you’ll get. You should
just put it all behind you.”
“Is something wrong?” Kurt asked smugly, knowing exactly why Evan was acting so
skittish all of a sudden.
“Nothing, why would anything be wrong?” he asked, his eyes darting back and
forth.
He’s probably looking for an escape route, Kurt thought as he casually moved to
block the door. There was no way he was letting Evan out of this that easily.
“Good,” Kurt said. “Because Lauren already dropped off the results this
afternoon.”
“She did?” he asked, sounding frantic as his eyes kept wandering towards the
door behind Kurt.
“It looks like Blaine is sneakier than we thought,” Kurt said, running a finger
up Evan’s arm lightly just to watch him shiver. He probably wasn’t supposed to
enjoy torturing Evan as much as he did.
“How so?” Evan asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“It looks like he hacked into your account and posted the video under your
username,” Kurt said, playing dumb just to drag out the torture a little bit
longer.
“What an asshole,” Evan said with a sigh of relief, and that was when Kurt went
in for the kill.
“Evan?” He leaned over to whisper into his ear as seductively as he could
manage without gagging.
“Yeah?”
“Will you go sit on the bed for me?” Kurt asked, biting his lower lip in a way
that he knew drove him mad.
Evan’s eyes widened and he moved so quickly Kurt had to wonder if he’d
teleported. He was eager — that would serve Kurt well. He closed his eyes for a
minute to compose himself. If he really wanted to get his revenge, he was going
to have to play the part of dutiful boyfriend for just a few minutes longer. He
could do this.
Kurt opened his eyes and moved over towards the bed to stand over Evan. He
picked up his hand and began tracing the lines on his palm lightly, knowing
from experience how sensual something like that could be. Evan gasped below him
and there was a very faint plea for something more.
“I bet you’d do anything for me, wouldn’t you?” Kurt said softly into his ear,
smirking when Evan’s ‘Yes’ came out a little too eagerly. “I bet if I asked you
to, you’d strip down naked and beg for it. You’d do anything for it. You’ve
been so hungry for something more to happen between us for weeks haven’t you?”
“Oh God, yes,” Evan said.
He started to lean back and undo his shirt so Kurt had to pull him back up by
his tie. The last thing he actually wanted was Evan naked in his bed. Kurt used
the hand on his tie to pull him closer, forcefully. Then, when Evan’s face was
close enough to his own, he watched as Evan’s eyes closed and lips puckered for
a kiss. He leaned in and put his lips close to his ear.
“I could film it, I know you’d let me,” Kurt said. “I could tape you begging
for me, looking so helpless and vulnerable and I could post it online just like
you did to me and watch your entire world fall apart.”
“What?” he said, pushing Kurt away to look at him like he’d gone crazy. “I
didn’t post that video.”
“Like hell you didn’t,” Kurt said, his voice full of venom. “I have the proof
and there’s nothing you’ll be able to say to deny it.”
“Well, you’re the one that cheated on me, what the fuck did you expect me to
do?” Evan fired back, suddenly done playing innocent now that he’d been caught
red handed. Kurt was glad. He was sick of the act. Now they could just scream
at each other and get this whole thing over with. He wanted Evan out of his
house so he never would have to see him again.
“Fight with me about it like a normal person!” he yelled.
“That boy is poison,” Evan spit back. “He uses you for sex and acts like he’s
some big deal because he doesn’t drown in a fucking pool. Big fucking deal —
most of America knows how to fucking swim. You’re just so hungry for his dick
you can’t see how bad he is for you when I’ve been here, the world’s most
respectful and perfect boyfriend all along. But no, who do you go running to
when you’re horny? Him! Why can’t you see how horrible he is?”
“You don’t even know him!” Kurt yelled back.
“I know you turn into a slutty cock-whore the second he’s around,” he said.
“You don’t know anything about Blaine and me. You can’t even begin to
understand our relationship because you clearly don’t understand what love is
or how a normal relationship works.”
“Do you even have a relationship beyond bending over for him anytime he asks?”
Evan yelled condescendingly.
“If I’m really that big of a slut, didn’t you wonder why I never bent over for
you?” he spat back, throwing the door of his room open. “Get out of my house
you selfish, arrogant, asshole and thank…thank the moon, stars, gods, whatever
fucking demon you worship, you fucked up Satanist, that I am classier than
you’ll ever be and I didn’t tape or post any of the hundred of embarrassing
scenarios for you that I had running through my head.”
“You know what, I’m done,” Evan said, throwing his hands up in frustration and
walking out the door and towards the stairs.
“If it wasn’t already painfully clear, we’ve been done for a long fucking
time!” Kurt screamed after him, stopping at the top of the stairs where he saw
his dad standing by the door looking slightly stunned, yet almost proud.
Evan tried to move around his dad, but his dad just stood in front of the door
with his arms crossed and a dangerous scowl on his face.
“So it was this little shit who posted that video then,” Burt said, looking
down at Evan in a way that had the boy backing up in fear.
“Don’t Dad, it’s not worth it,” Kurt said, trying his best to sound like this
didn’t bother him when it clearly did.
How could Kurt have ever thought Evan was a good guy when he’d turned so easily
on him? It wasn’t that Kurt thought he was completely innocent in all of this.
It was his fault that Evan had found the flash drive. It was his fault that he
wasn’t honest with Evan about his feelings for Blaine all along. Finally, it
was his fault that he’d cheated on his boyfriend. He should have broken it off
with Evan before ever hooking up with Blaine in the backseat of the car. He
shouldn’t have gone to that concert when he was still dating somebody else
because he’d known it was a date. Blaine had known it was a date. Obviously
Evan had known it was a date as well.
“You are worth it,” Burt said, fixing Kurt with a look that said he wasn’t
going to let this one go. Kurt didn’t blame him. In fact, he was glad his dad
would see that Evan got punished because Kurt didn’t know if he could have made
that decision on his own. He wanted to be able to take the high road and let
this go to prove that he was mature and better than Evan, but he also wanted to
see him suffer. This way, if somebody else did the punishing, he could have
both.
“Did your son tell you that he’s a whore that films himself sleeping with
boys?” Evan asked, clearly trying to act braver than he felt in the presence of
an adult. Kurt would bet money that Evan never saw his little move with the
video turning into something so serious. “Did he tell you that he’s so hungry
for dick that he’ll sleep with a boy that won’t date him yet won’t so much as
take his shirt off for a boy that he’d been dating for months?”
“I know Kurt claims he didn’t know what a slimy bastard you were like the rest
of us did,” Burt said with an oddly patient voice, like he was talking to a
child. “But clearly he knew something if he didn’t trust you enough to share
that part of himself. The simple fact that you decided to share his private
moment with somebody with the whole world goes to show you that he was right to
keep himself away from you.”
Evan looked like he was about to retort, but Burt held his hand up to silence
him as he handed Evan his shoes to put back on. Kurt didn’t know what to think
about the entire thing.
“In case you didn’t hear my son, he just broke up with you, which means I’m
finally allowed to say what I’ve wanted to say to you since the day I first met
you,” Burt said. “Get out of my house. You have no respect for my son and you
treat him like he’s your property to own. You threw a tantrum that would put a
toddler to shame the second you realized he wasn’t a toy for you to play with.
It’s disgusting and sad. You’re going to give me your parent’s phone number so
I can make sure they get you some professional help because the thought of you
in a relationship with anyone else makes me seriously worried.”
“Fuck both of you,” Evan said, slamming his foot into his other shoe. He pushed
Burt out of the way and slammed the door closed behind him.
“Remind me again why you liked him?” Burt asked, looking up the stairs to where
Kurt was slumped against the wall.
“I honestly have no idea,” he said.
He wanted to drown his sorrows in a gallon of Chubby Hubby ice cream. He wanted
to crawl back into bed and never leave again. He wanted to sit with his dad on
the couch and cry for the next week about how betrayed he felt, but he
couldn’t. Not yet. There was something he had to do first.
He owed Blaine an apology. It didn’t matter that he was falling apart inside.
He was to blame for this — at least partially. The only reason that Evan had
gotten a hold of the video was because Kurt hadn’t been careful with it, just
like Kurt hadn’t been careful with Blaine. Neither of them was perfect, sure.
Blaine had apologized for breaking Kurt’s heart and had been nothing but kind
and understanding ever since. Kurt had turned around and thrown it all back in
his face by blaming him for the things Evan had so clearly done.
Blaine had changed. Kurt had seen that he’d changed, yet at the first sign of
trouble he’d assumed Blaine was still that confused and scared boy he’d first
met.
No, between the two of them, he was totally at fault this time around.
That didn’t mean he thought the entire thing was entirely his doing. The video
getting posted online was still Evan’s fault wholly and completely.
What it did mean, however, was that none of this was Blaine’s fault. Blaine’s
life had crumbled the minute the sex tape was released and his entire swimming
career may have been ruined just as he was on the brink of unimaginable
success. Kurt had to apologize and hope that would be enough for Blaine to
forgive him.
It had to be enough. It was all Kurt had.
***** Blaine Interlude 21.5 *****
Blaine should have been at the pool that afternoon. He was supposed to drive
out to Dublin today to swim with his team in preparation for the Michigan Grand
Prix in two weeks. He’d lost his sponsors and while his dad had told him not to
worry about that because money wasn’t an issue for them, it still had taken
most of his confidence away. He had lost the support of the swimming community
and that hurt because it was one of the few places where he’d never messed up.
It was one of his safe places, even with his dad constantly down his back to
get better and practice longer. Even the hour he’d spent in the pool by himself
that morning hadn’t been enough to clear his mind like it usually did.
He had messed up. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling for him. He was rather used
to being a disappointment by this point. This time though, he’d messed up worse
than usual. It wasn’t enough that he had kids at school judging him. Now his
name was being tossed around as a joke on all of the big swimming message
boards. Mothers were talking about what a bad role model he’d turned out to be
for their kids.
That wasn’t what had him unwilling to ever leave his bed again though. No, the
final blow had come that morning when Kurt had accused him of posting the video
himself…as if he’d choose for any of this to happen to him.
Maybe Blaine had been wrong to place all of his faith in Kurt. Love wasn’t
supposed to hurt and all they ever seemed to do was hurt each other. Love was
supposed to give, not take away, and right now it seemed like everything had
been taken away from him. He didn’t know if his father would ever be able to
look him in the eye again after this.
What if his father didn’t love him anymore?
Blaine lay curled up on his bed, refusing to move for anything. It had been a
long day that started with his dad personally coaching an intense morning
workout that got interrupted by Kurt. Things had only gone downhill from there.
The kids at school were vicious about the video and wouldn’t let up. Most of
his classmates didn’t even have the decency to talk about him behind his back
like normal people would.
No, instead they followed him around asking invasive questions about his sex
life. Jacob Ben Israel had shoved a camera in his face and demanded an
exclusive interview until Puck had thrown his camera against a locker and
almost gotten suspended. He’d gotten called multiple names by the other kids at
school. The school had been forced to block all e-mail providers and social
media websites to stop the video from spreading. He was being burned at the
stake for this and that was just at school.
His dad had gotten a phone call yesterday from a representative of the National
Team informing him about the video leaking online. His dad had shown up at
school and reamed Blaine out in the hallway for all of his classmates inside to
overhear. Any and all communication devices were taken away from him. His dad
had said he didn’t want Blaine doing anything stupid like try to retaliate. He
knew how explosive Blaine’s anger could be when he was pushed too far.
Slowly but surely, each of his sponsors for the summer called his dad that
night and politely told his father that they didn’t feel comfortable putting
their money behind Blaine when this was turning into such a big scandal for the
swimming community. By that morning, his dad had confessed that he wasn’t going
to give Blaine his phone back in fear that he would let the things getting said
about him mess with his mind when he had his first international competition of
the season to prepare for.
It was too late for that. His mind was already a jumbled mess. The stupidest
thing he’d ever done was think that he could just ignore Evan and the smarmy
bastard would go away. He’d said he was going to ruin Blaine’s life and he’d
succeeded. He’d texted him Wednesday morning and told him not to go to the
concert with Kurt or he’d regret it.
Blaine had ignored his threat. He’d gone with Kurt anyway and even felt smug
when they’d hooked up. He’d thought all of their problems were over. Their
problems had only just started and he really had nobody to blame but himself.
He thought he could be it for Kurt, but how could that be possible if Kurt
couldn’t even believe that he wouldn’t post their sex tape for the entire world
to see?
“I’m not going to pretend that I’m proud of the choices you’ve made,” his aunt
had said to him in Tagalog because English always seemed to fail her whenever
she was emotional. He’d called her up on their home phone, a crying mess while
his parents argued about him downstairs.
“But you’re worth more than the sum of your mistakes and you can’t let them
define you,” she’d said tearfully. “It’s not how far we fall; it’s how hard we
work to pick ourselves back up that matters. You’re capable of getting through
this so long as you don’t forget how much you matter, Dayong. You can’t stop
fighting, not now.”
Picking himself back up wasn’t easy. Not this time around. Things were bad this
time. He’d felt a depression coming on for months — ever since he’d messed
things up with Kurt — but this was going to be the thing to push him over the
ledge. He was more than just upset. He was utterly and completely devastated
and he didn’t even have Kurt to share this with because Kurt had accused him of
causing this. Kurt, the only one that could relate to him in this had turned on
him, too.
At least tomorrow was a Saturday and Blaine wouldn’t be forced to face anybody
from school. He could slip out to the gym earlier than usual so that he would
have the pool all to himself. He could swim until his muscles felt like falling
off and see if he couldn’t remember how to use that burn to relieve this
overwhelming anxiety because he didn’t want to think about what he’d resort to
if he didn’t have that as an outlet anymore.
He cried into his pillow that had been soaked with his tears since last night
when he’d finally lost all strength to hold it together. He’d been breaking
down at random intervals ever since.
Yeah, some man he’d turned out to be. His father was probably more mortified of
his constant tears than of the tape itself.
He barely even heard the doorbell, but whoever it had been, his father let them
in. He assumed it was Puck because he’d been ignoring his concerned text
messages and phone calls ever since school had let out today. He was a bit
surprised to hear a very familiar gasp and a faint whisper of ‘Oh Blaine’
before Kurt was tentatively climbing into bed with him. Blaine closed his eyes
tightly as Kurt tenderly brushed an errant curl off of his forehead.
“I’m so, so sorry,” Kurt said and Blaine could hear him choking back his own
tears but he refused to open his eyes. It was all too much and he honestly
didn’t know what he was supposed to say about any of it. He wanted, more than
anything, to let Kurt comfort him and make everything disappear in a way that
only Kurt could. However, he couldn’t get rid of the sinking feeling that Kurt
hadn’t trusted him.
Blaine bit his lip hard and shook his head, trying to convey how much he
desperately needed to not talk about this right now.
He wanted to tell Kurt that it was okay. He wanted to pretend that he could
ignore the pain in his chest and just let Kurt hold him because Blaine had
broken Kurt’s heart and here Kurt was willing to let it all go. Blaine had
messed up and maybe now that Kurt had too they could finally get past all the
blaming.
He just couldn’t, though. His aunt’s words were echoing in his mind and he just
kept thinking that though she was biased, she wasn’t wrong. Didn’t he matter,
too? Wasn’t he worthy of being trusted? Of being loved? Kurt hadn’t done that.
He’d picked Evan, of all people, over him.
“Please look at me,” Kurt pleaded.
Blaine wanted to be stubborn. He wanted to dig his heels in and refuse Kurt’s
request because somehow acting childish about this whole thing seemed easier
than confronting it head-on, but he couldn’t deny Kurt when his hand was gentle
on his cheek and turning his face until their eyes met.
Blaine could see the guilt written all over his face and he knew that Kurt knew
the truth. He wasn’t sure who had convinced him, since obviously his own words
hadn’t been able to, but Kurt believed him now. He knew that Blaine was a
victim in this the same as him. The problem was — Blaine didn’t know if that
changed anything.
“I feel like I’m drowning,” he found himself confessing, unsure of where it had
come from since he hadn’t yet decided if he trusted Kurt anymore.
“You’re an Olympic-bound swimmer,” Kurt said with a sad smile. “You couldn’t
drown even if you wanted to.”
“They’ll never let me into the Olympics now,” he said, his voice cracking.
“I’ve lost all of my sponsors and they are debating taking me off the National
Team.”
“This has nothing to do with your ability to swim,” Kurt said, enraged on his
behalf. “You earned your spot on that team with your talent. Who cares what you
do in your free time?”
“The National Team relies pretty heavily on its fans for funding. They don’t
think they can handle the scandal,” he explained bitterly. “It’s all over. All
that work for nothing.”
“Michael Phelps got to keep going after that pot incident,” Kurt argued.
“Wasn’t that worse than this?”
“He’s the most decorated Olympian of all time,” he groaned, throwing his head
back into his pillows and pulling the covers up over his head. “Do I look like
I have the kind of fame that excuses any of this?”
“We’ll fix this,” Kurt promised him, rubbing his arm comfortingly until Blaine
shoved it off angrily.
“There is no fixing this!” he yelled. “It’s over.”
“I’m so, so sorry,” Kurt said. “I don’t know what else to say but that.”
“I can’t talk about this,” he said, feeling himself start to hyperventilate.
Kurt nodded and got up to pull out his record player.
“Please don’t,” Blaine pleaded with him when he realized what he was doing. He
couldn’t handle this, not now. “I can’t… I just… I don’t want to feel anything.
Not right now. I can’t. I just… please, please don’t,” he continued to ramble
until Kurt stopped what he was doing and climbed back into bed with him and
pulled Blaine into his arms.
“Shhh,” he whispered into his ear. “It’s okay. I understand. Shhh.”
He was grateful that Kurt didn’t push him for an explanation because it had to
be weird to see Blaine outright refuse to listen to music when it had always
been his outlet. He just couldn’t explain it, though. Music was something he
felt deep down into his soul and he didn’t think he could handle feeling
anything at the moment without dissolving into nothing.
Kurt didn’t say anything, for which Blaine was grateful. Instead, Kurt held him
from behind, pulling him in close enough to bruise and rubbing soothing circles
into his side as Blaine tried to get his breathing under control. All day he’d
felt the oncoming of a panic attack. He hadn’t had one since before he’d come
to McKinley. The last time he’d broken down like this, he’d ended up sobbing to
his father and begging to let him transfer schools.
He eventually got his breathing back under control. That was when he noticed
that Kurt was tracing words into his skin with his finger tips. He was leaving
faint kisses on the back of his neck, cheek, and head. After some time, he
began whispering the words into his skin in a way that should have been sexual,
but it wasn’t. It was reverent. It was special.
It was healing, though Blaine wasn’t quite ready to admit that aloud yet.
That was when he connected the previously meaningless string of words-bit was a
song. They weren’t just words of comfort, they were lyrics and Blaine could
feel them in his veins as they were breathed into the bare skin of his neck.
Tears burned at his eyes as the song sent a new fire through his body.
Maybe all didn’t have to be lost as he’d previously thought… but there was
still something holding him back from completely forgiving Kurt. As Kurt had
once told him, actions spoke louder than words and Blaine needed to know that
Kurt was serious about making this work for them. He had too many other things
on his mind to even consider dating at the moment and if they wanted to work,
Kurt was going to have to wait.
Kurt was going to have to understand. He didn’t even know if Kurt was still
dating Evan or if they’d finally broken up. He needed some space away from sex
and relationships to figure out who he was again. He’d been lost for awhile and
he was only just starting to feel like himself again when that video had come
out. He was tired. So fucking tired of living his life for other people only to
be harassed anytime he tried to do something for himself and he just needed
Kurt to understand that.
“Everybody wanna give their selves away, but I’m still afraid,” Kurt whispered
into his ear and Blaine instantly recognized the song as Rob Thomas. It wasn’t
Kurt’s favorite song, but it was one of Blaine’s. Kurt wasn’t singing this for
himself; he was singing it for him. He was pushing his own pain aside to help
Blaine deal with the immense feeling of loss he was being suffocated by.
He traced the lyrics into Blaine’s skin as he silently mouthed them into
Blaine’s neck, only speaking up when the words were especially poignant.
“Ah honey, we’ll be okay,” he sang softly, his voice cracking on the last line.
Blaine was facing away from the door, so he couldn’t be sure of the exact
moment that his father had stumbled upon the two of them, wrapped up in each
other’s arms while Kurt did his best to take control of a situation he barely
had a handle on himself.
“The world can be so cruel, but I will sing for you, this cradlesong.”
Kurt kept pausing between lyrics to tell Blaine that he was beautiful and
perfect and that everything would be okay, so Blaine had no idea how long the
song had ended up lasting for or how long his father had sat watching the two
of them. The only thing he knew for certain was that by the time Kurt reached
the final verse, there was a dip in the bed and his father was sitting beside
him, reaching out to hold onto his hand tightly.
Blaine opened his eyes in surprise. His dad hadn’t even commented on the fact
that Kurt was wrapped around him like an octopus. There was no grimace of
disgust at Blaine being with another boy like there usually was anytime Blaine
had been caught with a boy in his bed (and admittedly, that was more times than
Blaine could ever be proud of). Instead, he placed his other hand on the top of
Blaine’s head and scratched lightly in the way his mother used to do when he
was little and had woken up from a nightmare.
“Dad?” he asked with shaky breath.
His father just shook his head and Blaine could see all of the emotion hidden
behind his usually stern eyes. Even though his dad clearly didn’t know what to
say given the fact that they’d never done anything like this before, Blaine
could see the love in his eyes. It made him tremble and when he looked over his
shoulder, he found Kurt sharing a meaningful look with his dad.
That was when he felt, more than heard, the last verse of the song get
whispered into his ears in Kurt’s beautiful voice.
“No one said that we were victims honey,” Kurt sang, the word honey coming out
as beautiful as a praise of hallelujah which was confusing coming from a boy
that had previously been against any and all pet names.
“No one said we had to keep the things we get. And there ain’t no regrets.”
The song faded back into silence and Kurt nervously traced the rest of the song
into his side as they both tried to figure out just what his father was doing
there and when the other shoe was going to drop.
When it finally did, it was in the most unexpected of ways.
“The world can be so cruel, but I will sing for you this cradlesong,” his dad
whispered the words, off-pitch and scratchy from a lack of practice but Blaine
felt them as powerfully as he had ever felt any song before.
“I thought you hated me,” Blaine whispered as Kurt’s breath hitched and the
grip on his waist became painful.
“I could never hate you,” his dad said with tears in his eyes. “You’re my son.”
Blaine felt himself choking on emotion again, but this time it wasn’t that he
felt like he was dissolving into nothing, it felt like his heart was growing
three times in size. He vaguely wondered if this was what the Grinch had felt
like the first time he’d heard ‘Welcome Christmas’ from the Who’s down in Who-
ville. Had his father just sung his own version of ‘Welcome Christmas’ to him?
“How do you know that song?” Blaine asked tentatively, unsure of what else to
say. He never talked to his dad unless it was about swimming; this was all new
to them.
“You listen to a lot of the same songs on repeat,” his dad said. “I pay
attention.”
Blaine shook his head, barely believing it. His dad had never once given him
any indication that he actually paid attention to his interests. Sure, he’d
been quick to reward Blaine with new speakers for his car, the latest iPhone
updates and a long collection of iTunes gift cards, but Blaine had figured he’d
just done a quick Google search of what it was teenagers liked. He never
imagined his dad might actually pay attention to the music he listened to in
his room — not enough to know the lyrics.
“Listen, I’m sorry,” his dad said, standing up and brushing his hands off on
his dress pants before he walked towards the door. “You’re in good hands here.
Take as long as you both need, I’ll have your mom bring some plates up for you.
I just—”
He paused by the door, unsure of how to finish his thought and Blaine had never
seen him at a loss for words before.
“We can fix this Blaine,” he explained carefully. “It’s broken, but it’s not
destroyed. I think the real question is do you want to?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, wondering if his dad could possibly be asking him
what he thought he was asking him.
Was he giving Blaine the okay to quit swimming if he wanted to?
“Your mother might have brought it to my attention that I’ve been pushing you a
bit too hard. She wondered if you didn’t do this on purpose so that you’d have
an excuse to quit. If I… If I made it seem like you had to do this, I’m sorry.
You can quit right now if you want to. I only ever wanted what was best for you
and when you started excelling at swimming I thought helping you get better was
the best thing I could do to help you. It was the only way I knew how to be a
good father. But you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to swim anymore.”
“I want to,” Blaine confessed with tears shining in his eyes. Kurt remained
silent next to him, but the fingers digging into his hips spoke volumes. He
knew how big of a moment this was for him and his dad.
“I love swimming. I just…” Blaine trailed off nervous to finish his thought.
His dad had just given him so much and he didn’t want to shatter that by
potentially starting a fight.
“Say it,” he prodded, but his voice had lost the usual command and instead
sounded compassionate.
“Maybe you could give me some room to breathe,” he said cautiously. “If we can
fix this, if we can get my sponsors back — I’ve got the passion for it still.
The only reason I complain about it is because I feel like what I do is never
good enough for you.”
“It’s always good enough for me,” he said. “I’m sorry that I made you feel that
way.”
“I don’t want to quit,” Blaine said, unsure of how to read this conversation.
“Okay,” his dad said, looking just as awkward as he felt. They both tentatively
smiled at each other before Mr. Anderson left the bedroom and closed the door
behind him.
“Blaine,” Kurt whispered as soon as the door was closed.
“Don’t,” he said, sitting up as he began pacing the room.
“I don’t understand,” Kurt said, watching him with careful eyes. “I thought
you’d be happy. Isn’t that what you always wanted? His approval?”
“Yeah, it is,” he said, unable to express what it was that had him still
itching inside. He felt wrong, still. He couldn’t put his finger on it.
“You’re angry,” Kurt said, standing up to join Blaine by his desk. He picked up
Blaine’s trembling hands and held them in his own. “You have every right to be.
None of this was fair and a few kind words from me or your father isn’t going
to change that — no matter how much his understanding might mean. It’s okay to
still be upset.”
“I just hate that stupid, fucking, Enrique Iglesias wannabe asshole so much,”
Blaine said through gritted teeth, feeling like he could punch a hole through
the wall. None of this should have been happening to him.
“Me, too,” Kurt said softly, leaning his head in until their foreheads rested
together. “I’m sorry I brought you into this… Well, I’m sorry I brought him
into this. I’m never going to apologize for wanting you.”
“This is too much,” he confessed, proud of himself for actually saying it
aloud.
“I know,” Kurt said, pulling away with a sad smile. “But I hope it won’t always
be. I broke up with Evan.”
“Do you want a medal?” he asked, hating how bitter his voice got and how it
made Kurt’s face fall. “I’m sorry, I just… I shouldn’t have to congratulate you
on breaking up with a guy that treated you like shit. You should have never
been with him in the first place. I hate saying it because I know that I drove
you to it. But you let him treat you far worse than I ever did. Yet I’m the one
that got punished. You let him treat you like some fucking lapdog and it was
disgusting to watch. I, on the other hand, got cut out of your life when
everything I’d ever done — as horrible as it was — was a least done with good
intentions.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Kurt confessed. “I try to pretend like I do but
I have no idea. You hurt me. No matter how understandable your actions might
have been, they still hurt. I didn’t know what to do with any of it except to
push it all away and pack it up in a box labeled ‘Blaine’ that I didn’t want to
ever open again.”
“Here we go again with those fucking boxes,” he grumbled.
“I’m sixteen!” Kurt yelled. “I’m not supposed to know how to handle something
like this. I messed up, okay? I made some bad choices, too. I know I should
never have been with Evan, but I was. I treated you unfairly, but I think I’ve
more than paid the consequences and I’m here. I’ve apologized and I’m trying. I
just don’t know what else to do. You have to help me out here, because I don’t
know how I’m supposed to make things go back to how they were.”
“I don’t want them to go back to how they were,” Blaine said. “Things were
horrible how they were. I was terrified to be with you before, that’s not what
I want for us. I just want to move forward but I don’t think I can do that
until I figure out how to be in a relationship without investing all of myself
in it.”
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” he asked, looking confused.
“It hurts too much,” Blaine said. “We’re in high school, it’s not supposed to
hurt this much.”
“Shouldn’t that show you how right this is?” Kurt asked. “Look at me? I just
broke up with my boyfriend of almost four months and the one I’m crying over
here is you.”
They stood in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. They both wanted
desperately to be able to fix this, but it wasn’t something they could fix with
a few words. Time was going to be the only thing to heal their wounds, and they
needed to give themselves that. Trying to force this to work any sooner than
they were ready would only hurt them more in the end.
“I just feel so angry all of the time,” Blaine confessed. “I’m angry that it
took a sex tape leaking for my dad to finally admit he was proud of me. I’m
angry at Evan for doing this to us. I’m angry that everyone at school continues
to treat me like shit when they used to worship the ground I walked on all
because I suddenly got ‘too gay’ for them. I’m angry at Finn for thinking he
had to stand up for me at school when he’d been my main tormentor all along.
I’m so fucking pissed at you for ever thinking I would do this to you and I’m
angry at myself for still loving you despite all of that, because I shouldn’t.
But most of all, I’m just so fucking angry that I allowed things to get this
bad. I should have stood up for you in the beginning and been brave enough. I
never should have let those guys at my old school get to me. I had everything
and I didn’t appreciate any of it until now.”
“You won’t always be this angry,” Kurt said, holding out his hands for Blaine
to grab onto again.
“What if I am?” he asked, knowing he sounded a bit like a petulant child.
“You could always sing about it,” Kurt said with a teasing smile.
“Ha ha,” he said humorlessly. “You’ve spent too much time in Glee club.”
“Probably,” Kurt agreed. “But it doesn’t mean that it won’t help. Come on, sing
with me.”
Kurt went over to his iPod and played with it for a few minutes before a
familiar song was coming through the speakers at full blast. Kurt smiled at him
and pulled him up onto the bed where he promptly started jumping up and down
and singing out the words to Matchbox Twenty’s ‘Long Day’ loudly and
passionately until Blaine couldn’t help but sing along with him at the top of
his lungs. It felt a bit ridiculous, but Kurt might have been right. With every
angry line and curse, he felt the bitterness begin to chip away until he was
relaxed enough to reach out for Kurt’s hand, offering him a tentative smile.
Yeah, they just needed some time to heal first. Nothing was lost forever.
***** Chapter 22 *****
Kurt had wanted nothing more than to stay with Blaine until all of his tears
were dried and his problems were solved, but the fact remained that he was
still grounded and Friday night dinners at his house were mandatory. His dad
might have lifted his punishment temporarily, understanding Kurt’s need to see
Blaine, but he wasn’t getting out of dinner. He’d been forced to leave Blaine’s
that afternoon with a sad smile and a promise to come back the next day when
Blaine finished swim practice. He’d wanted to do more to help — he should have
done more — but cuts like the ones Blaine had didn’t heal overnight and Kurt
wasn’t sure he could keep the wounds from scarring.
For now, a friendly wave and reassuring words were all he could offer him. Kurt
was glad that they were on the right track after all of this time. It might not
happen tomorrow, but Kurt knew that they’d find their way through everything
together and they’d fall back into one another again. He just needed to have
patience.
Unfortunately patience had never been one of Kurt’s strong suits.
“How’s Blaine?” his dad asked once he’d gotten back home and had started making
dinner for everyone.
“Honestly? I’m not sure,” Kurt said with a shrug as he pulled some vegetables
out of the refrigerator to start chopping up. “He’s fine I guess, considering…”
“You’ll both be fine,” his dad said reassuringly, giving his shoulder a strong
squeeze. “Eventually people will find something else to talk about and move
on.”
“I just feel really bad,” he confessed, thinking back to how broken Blaine had
looked lying in his bed. Kurt’s heart had shattered the second he’d walked into
his room and seen how deeply the sex tape had hurt Blaine. “He didn’t do
anything to deserve this.”
“There were two people in that video,” his dad reminded him with sad smile.
“I’m not going to say you two deserved this because you didn’t and I’m going to
make sure that little shit pays for what happened to you two—”
“But?” he pressed, knowing that there was another side to his dad’s compassion
that they were about to hit — anger. It was the reason he was still grounded
despite the truth coming out about what Evan had done.
“But the truth still remains that the two of you knowingly engaged in highly
inappropriate behavior on school property, of all places. You couldn’t at least
have waited until you were in the safety of your own house? I have no idea what
you two were thinking, though I guess it’s clear you were both thinking with a
different head.”
“Dad!” Kurt exclaimed, feeling his face heat up with a deep blush. “I’m sorry.
I don’t know how many times I can say it. Can you just stop lecturing me? I
know it was stupid. We both regret it.”
Well, he regretted having sex at school. He didn’t regret being with Blaine.
Though he wasn’t about to tell his dad that. Oh yeah, Dad, the sex was amazing.
Best idea I’ve ever had. Only mistake was getting caught. Somehow he didn’t
think that would go over well.
“I’ll stop lecturing you when I’m sure you’ve heard me,” he said sternly.
“I always hear you, Dad. I promise,” Kurt said honestly. He understood why his
father might think that he hadn’t listened to him, but that was far from the
case. There wasn’t anybody else in his life whose words he trusted more. If his
dad told him something, he took it to heart.
“Well, I guess that’s all a father can hope for,” he said running a tired hand
over his face. “I guess I just wonder sometimes if I’m doing right by you.
You’re growing up so fast and I’m not sure I’m keeping up.”
“You are,” Kurt promised, hating that he had his father questioning his
parenting skills.
“Your mom would have been able to handle all this stuff better,” he said, his
voice suspiciously wet. Kurt couldn’t be sure if he was crying though because
he had his head buried in the refrigerator under the pretense of getting the
meat ready to grill.
“You do just fine,” Kurt said, feeling helpless in the way he always did when
his dad got upset over his mom. It had been awhile since his dad had brought up
how inadequate he felt as a single parent — they’ve got Carole and Finn now and
he could tell his dad was more comfortable with another parent to lean on when
things got rough — but Kurt had lost count of the times it’d happened before.
After all these years, he’d never quite mastered how to convince his dad that
he was doing a good job.
“I just wonder if she wouldn’t have suspected you and Blaine were at that stage
in your relationship,” he said. “She would have made sure you two were being
smart. She would have made sure that you felt comfortable enough to stay in
your own home where you could be safe. I feel like you guys did this at school
because you didn’t think you could here and you shouldn’t here because you
shouldn’t have sex anywhere — you’re just children — but… I don’t know. I guess
I feel like I created this situation for you somehow.”
“You didn’t,” Kurt said, putting down the carrot he was chopping to walk over
and wrap his arms around his dad. They stood like that for a minute or two with
Kurt’s cheek pressed into the back of his dad’s shoulder blades where he still
refused to turn around to face Kurt, but Kurt could feel his dad’s shaky
breaths. He was clearly crying.
“You’re the best dad I could have ever asked for. What Blaine and I did was
stupid, we’re teenagers, it’s bound to happen. It had nothing to do with your
parenting skills. We didn’t have sex at school because I was too scared to have
it at home. I’m comfortable here, I promise.”
“Right,” Burt said, pulling away to wipe at his eyes. “Well, this meat’s not
going to grill itself and Carole will be home soon expecting dinner.”
“Of course,” Kurt said and turned back to the vegetables to give his dad some
time to compose himself.
As he watched his father walk out to the patio to light the grill, he got to
thinking that maybe Mr. Anderson wasn’t so different from his dad after all.
Hadn’t Kurt had a hard time communicating with his father for the longest time?
They’d tried and failed to find similar interests and when Finn had come along
Kurt had been so terrified of being shut out that he’d pretended to be
straight. Eventually, his dad had seen how negatively his actions were
affecting Kurt and they’d started working together to build a stronger bond.
Kurt started to teach his dad to cook while Burt invited Kurt to watch
basketball with Finn and him, knowing he’d only spend the time reading Vogue
instead, but it didn’t matter because Kurt was happy to be invited.
He could only hope that Mr. Anderson had finally had his own realization like
Burt had the day he’d come home to Kurt singing ‘Rose’s Turn’ in front of a
cold dinner that was supposed to be for the two of them before his dad had left
him to go watch one of Finn’s games. That had been a few weeks before Carole
and Finn had first tried moving in with them and Kurt had felt like his life
was falling apart. His dad had finally seen his pain though, and their
relationship had only gotten stronger after that. That was what Kurt hoped for
Blaine.
****
Kurt had to promise to be home by nine and work at the garage tomorrow for
free, but he’d gotten his dad to agree to lift his house arrest and let him go
back over to Blaine’s. Kurt’s pretty sure that the only reason his dad had
agreed was because it was Blaine that Kurt was going to see. One of these days
he was going to confront his dad about his soft spot for Blaine — it didn’t
make sense seeing as Blaine had been the one Kurt had lost his virginity to and
had a sex tape with — but that day would not be today. The last thing he wanted
was to question why his father was letting him out of his grounding to see the
boy he'd been 'inappropriately intimate' with.
Kurt was lying in Blaine’s bed as they watched The Wizard of Oz together. They
were both lying on top of the comforter with enough space between them that it
wasn’t anything more than a movie between friends, but it still felt nice to be
together. For Blaine’s part, he looked slightly more rested than he had the day
before which was progress, though Kurt could still see the wariness in his eyes
whenever he caught Blaine staring at him for too long.
It was almost like Blaine expected him to get up and leave at any moment. He
wished that he could say he was confused by this, but that would be a lie.
Blaine had every right to be hesitant with him. While Kurt didn’t assume full
responsibility for what had happened between them, he thought they could split
the blame fifty/fifty at this point and Blaine had already atoned for his
mistakes. It was Kurt’s turn to wait on the sidelines until the pain he’d
caused dulled enough to be forgiven.
"How was swim practice?" Kurt asked, trying to make small talk since Blaine was
being unusually quiet.
"I have the Michigan Grand Prix next weekend and I'm pretty sure a sloth could
beat me right now," Blaine said, sounding so dejected.
"I don't think sloths can swim," Kurt said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Exactly," he said. "I'm already the laughing stock in the swimming community
and now I'm not even going to be able to post the times everyone is expecting
to prove I still belong there."
"Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself," Kurt said, trying his
best to sound encouraging. "You don't have to prove anything to them."
"I have to prove everything to them," Blaine said with a bitter laugh. "Do you
know how many kids I've had come up to me throughout the years to tell me that
they want to be me when they grow up? People look up to me and I let them
down."
"But you don't have to be anybody's role model," he said. "You can just be you
and if they don't like it then screw them."
"Maybe I wanted them to look up to me," Blaine said sadly. "It's stupid. It's
not like I wanted to be famous or anything... I just thought it might make a
difference."
"What might make a difference?" he asked.
"Showing people that sexual orientation doesn't have anything to do with the
ability to play sports," Blaine explained. "That it was okay for little kids to
look up to a gay guy because I was a good guy. Now I'm just the gay kid who was
too sex-crazed to keep it in his pants."
"If you are the gay kid who was too sex-crazed to keep it in your pants, so am
I," Kurt explained carefully. "But that doesn't mean you aren't also still a
good guy. Don't worry so much about what everyone is thinking. You aren't
swimming for them, you're swimming for you."
"Easier said than done," Blaine said.
The doorbell rang downstairs but neither of them thought anything of it. Blaine
lived in the fancy part of town which meant people were constantly knocking on
his door trying to sell something or ask for donations. Blaine’s mom and aunt
had gone into the city that day, but Mr. Anderson was still home so they let
him get the door and continued on watching the movie as if it hadn’t been
interrupted in the first place.
It wasn’t until they heard raised voices coming from downstairs that they
thought something wasn’t quite normal.
“I’m just going to go grab us some sodas,” Blaine said getting up to head to
the kitchen, where Kurt knew he’d have a perfect view of the front door and
whoever his dad was arguing with. Kurt prayed it wasn’t a mother stopping by to
tell the Anderson’s how they were outraged because they’d found their child
watching porn that Blaine had starred in. There had apparently been a few phone
calls the night before from ‘concerned’ parents, Kurt knew. His dad had gotten
them as well.
Kurt waited a few minutes, but when Blaine’s voice joined in on the argument,
his curiosity was piqued. He moved to stand by the door, wanting to hear more
but uncomfortable spying without knowing exactly what was happening. When he
caught the sound of Evan’s voice, he knew he couldn’t just stay up here and
wait. He was out of the room and running down the stairs as fast as his legs
could carry him, hoping to prevent a disaster from happening but knowing he was
already too late.
If Evan was here, there was no way this wasn’t going to be a disaster.
“How’d the National Team like the video?” Evan asked in a vicious voice that
Kurt never would have thought him capable of before yesterday when he’d found
out his true nature and how black his heart really was.
“So you’re admitting it was you that released the tape then?” Blaine clarified,
though Kurt had already told him it was.
Evan didn’t say anything, but the smirk on his face told Blaine everything he
needed to know.
“Good, this is good,” Blaine said with a cocky grin. “I’ve been waiting a long
time to be able to do this without you crying wolf to Kurt.”
The next thing Kurt knew, Blaine was pulling his arm back and punching Evan in
the face.
“Blaine!” Kurt yelled, shocked as Evan fell back against the wall of the house,
crumbling like a house of cards under the force of Blaine’s blow. He looked
over to where Mr. Anderson was standing in the doorway, surprised to see him
casually drinking his coffee like he was reading the morning paper, not
watching his son hit another kid.
“Are you going to let this happen?” he asked Mr. Anderson as the two boys began
pushing each other and throwing punches back and forth. Blaine clearly had the
advantage since he was in the gym every day and Kurt didn’t even know if Evan
had ever done more than watch sports. Most of Evan’s cardio came from dancing
slowly around the common room as he sang songs with the Warblers.
“I’m an old man and Blaine’s an Olympic level athlete. If anyone asks, it won’t
be hard to convince them that Blaine overpowered me,” Mr. Anderson said with a
shrug, clearly enjoying the show.
“You know that he’s not going to want anything to do with you now that your
swimming career is shot,” Evan spat blood on the ground, deciding to fight with
words since he clearly wasn’t going to beat Blaine with force.
“I don’t care if he’s a swimmer or not,” Kurt argued, pushing past Mr. Anderson
to make his way onto the crowded porch.
Evan let out a bitter laugh at the sight of him. “I see you wasted no time
running back to his arms. That’s the reason you broke up with me wasn’t it? To
fuck him?”
“He came here to rub my nose in it,” Blaine explained through gritted teeth.
“He wanted to make sure I was put in my place. He wanted to make sure I knew
you were still his.”
Kurt rolled his eyes in disgust and turned back to Evan to answer his question.
“Believe it or not, breaking up with you had nothing to do with Blaine,” Kurt
said. “I broke up with you because I have self respect and you obviously
don’t.”
“That’s bullshit; if you had self-respect you wouldn't have spread your legs
for him. You’re just happy to let him fuck you because you think he’ll help you
be famous one day,” Evan argued.
“You need to stop talking right now before I punch you in the face again,”
Blaine said, stepping in front of Kurt as if he was going to protect him. As if
Evan could say or do something worse to Kurt than what he’d already done. Kurt
was starting to realize that there wasn’t anything more Evan could do to him.
He’d done his worst and Kurt was still standing.
“You know what, if we’re being completely honest here — I never should have
started going out with you,” Kurt said, deciding to fight with his own words
because he really didn’t want Blaine to go back to punching him and end up in
jail for assault — no matter how justified it might be.
“When I agreed to date you, I was still in love with him and for that I
apologize," Kurt said. "I was never attracted to you like I was him. You’re a
sloppy kisser. You’re demanding and pushy and incredibly needy. You treat me
like I belong to you and have no identity of your own outside of your
relationships with me and your friends. You’re fake and it makes me nauseous
every time I try and figure out just how deep all your lies and manipulations
go.”
“You think he’s any better?” Evan asked. “You’re just another gold medal for
him to flaunt around and shove in everyone’s faces. So don’t act like you
weren’t into me, Sweetie. You might not want me anymore because he’s suddenly
willing to give you the time of day again—”
“Get out,” Blaine said dangerously.
“Make me,” Evan challenged him, causing Blaine to pull back and punch him
again.
“You know I’m right,” he said to Blaine with a deathly smirk. “That’s why
you’re getting so upset. You know that you’re no good for him and since you
can’t prove me wrong, you’re just going to punch me instead.”
Blaine moved to hit him again, but Kurt grabbed him by the back of the collar
and pulled him away.
“Stop,” Kurt commanded, keeping his hand on Blaine’s chest to keep him from
attacking him again. If he let go there was a real possibility Blaine could
face a murder charge.
“You need to leave before I call the police,” Mr. Anderson finally spoke up
from where he’d been watching by the door.
“Because a teenage boy fighting with his ex and his whore is their first
priority,” Evan said with a self-satisfied smirk, like he had all the answers.
“Blaine’s not a whore—” Kurt started to argue but was cut off by Mr. Anderson.
“No, but when I tell them you’ve been distributing child pornography I think it
will be,” Mr. Anderson challenged the punk. “Or did you forget that both Blaine
and Kurt were minors when you sent that video to everyone you knew?”
“I’m not scared of you,” he answered, puffing out his chest in a false bravado
that Kurt could see cracking under the intensity of Mr. Anderson’s glare.
“What are you hoping to accomplish here?” Blaine asked sounding exhausted.
Kurt felt horrible. He had it out with Evan yesterday and he no longer felt
like he would blow over at the smallest slight. Blaine hadn't had that chance.
While Kurt was listening to the things that Evan was saying with a half-ear,
knowing nothing he could do or say would matter, Blaine hadn’t reached that
point yet, because Blaine had lost way more than Kurt had and he’d been dealing
with Evan’s hate for longer than Kurt.
“You won. You ruined my life like you promised. Congrats. You still lost Kurt
though. I personally don’t know what you thought would happen. Did you think he
would stay with you? That he wouldn’t find out and you could live happily ever
after taking your secret to the grave? Cause he’s smarter than that and he did
find out so why are you still here?” Blaine asked.
“Because I want him to see what a disaster you are for him,” Evan said. “All it
takes is one little comment to make you fly off the handle. How long is it
going to take before Kurt says something to piss you off and you turn your
anger on him?”
“You think I’d hit him?” Blaine asked looking at Evan like he’d lost his mind.
“Okay, this? It’s crazy,” Kurt said, throwing his hands up in frustration.
He honestly couldn’t handle any of this. His life had suddenly become a very
bad CW show with some of the worst lines he’d ever heard before. What was Evan
even talking about? He was clearly desperate and lashing out with anything he
could think of and the list of excuses to get him out of trouble had run out.
He had nothing. There would be nothing he could say to justify his actions and
he knew it. Now he was left spouting complete nonsense.
“Here.” Kurt pulled the paper Lauren had given him out of his pocket and handed
it to Blaine. The paper that proved Evan was the one who posted the video
online. He’d been intending to give it to his dad because his dad kept talking
about wanting to prove Evan was at fault so they could press charges, but he
hadn’t gotten the chance to give it to him yet.
“What’s that?” Evan asked suspiciously.
“I’m giving Blaine the proof he needs to press charges against you," he
explained. "If he wants to. Quite frankly I don't care what happens to you
anymore."
He turned on his heel and headed back inside to let Blaine and his father
handle Evan.
It was for the best, Kurt realized. He didn’t need to punish Evan or get even
with him anymore; that ship had sailed. He didn’t feel anger towards him
anymore, he just felt pity. He felt sad for the boy who was clueless as to how
real relationships worked. He didn’t think Evan would ever find somebody to
love if he couldn’t even have a boyfriend without manipulating him.
Kurt had come to terms with what happened and turning Evan into the police
wouldn’t give him the closure he was seeking. Blaine was the only one who could
do that for Kurt and, right now, Blaine needed to be able to hurt Evan as much
as he’d been hurt. Blaine didn’t need Kurt to be the knight in shining armor
who saved the day. He didn’t need Kurt turning Evan in and solving all of his
problems for him. Not when Kurt had helped create the problem in the first
place. No, Blaine needed to fix this himself.
Kurt gave him the papers and left him be. As much as it killed him not to stay
and help — this was something Blaine had to do without him.
****
“Are you ready to talk about it?” Kurt asked Blaine as they sat on the couch in
Kurt’s living room.
After Evan had left the Anderson’s yesterday, Blaine and his dad had gone down
to the police station to file a report. Kurt had reluctantly gone home even
though it was killing him not to accompany Blaine to the station. Kurt was a
fixer. He needed to solve people’s problems and he knew giving Blaine some
control over what had happened was helping to fix the problem. It was still
hard to leave the Anderson’s yesterday with only a promise that Blaine would
come over the next day.
“The police will probably be contacting you for a statement about Evan,” Blaine
answered, clearly avoiding Kurt’s real question. He wasn’t concerned about what
was happening to Evan, not anymore. He was worried about Blaine.
“Okay,” Kurt said patiently, knowing that he needed to give him time. He was
never that comfortable talking about his feelings and when he did, it was
usually after a long discussion about something else.
“My dad talked to a lawyer,” he explained, staring ahead at the TV screen that
was playing some trashy reality TV show on mute. “The law states that anyone
convicted of distributing child pornography, even a sext, can be charged with a
felony. He said Evan is facing up to eight years in jail and he’ll have to
register as sex offender.”
“Eight years!” Kurt exclaimed, shocked. He knew that what Evan had done was
bad, but he hadn’t realized the punishment could be so severe. It seemed a bit
much. While Evan had gotten him expelled and destroyed Blaine's reputation and
possibly his career, he was only in high school. It wasn't like he killed
somebody.
It was surprising that the boys who beat up Blaine faced no jail time, yet a
sex tape getting out had such severe consequences. Kurt honestly hadn’t
expected the police to do anything once they’d realized the two victims were
gay. He expected to be told they had it coming or something of the like — at
least they were finally being treated fairly.
“The lawyer doesn’t think that he’ll actually serve time, especially if his
family hires a decent lawyer,” Blaine continued to explain, though the way he
was shifting in his seat showed Kurt that he was just as uncomfortable with
what could happen as Kurt was. “But he’s eighteen and if they find him guilty
he’ll still have to register as a sex offender and he’ll have a felony on his
permanent record.
“Wow,” he said, feeling like his eyes were going to bug out of his head like
some silly cartoon.
“I know,” Blaine said with a tired sigh. “I want him to pay for what he did and
I know it was wrong, but I didn’t realize it was such a serious offense. My dad
kept telling me that it was a big deal I just… I don’t know. I thought he was
exaggerating.”
“We can’t get in trouble for it though, right?” Kurt asked. “I mean, we are in
the video.”
“The lawyer said we’re fine since we didn’t knowingly give consent to the
filming. Though I’m worried about Lauren,” he confessed.
“She’s fine,” Kurt said. “She covered her tracks; the tape won’t get traced
back to her... Just, wow.”
“I know,” Blaine said with a helpless shrug. “I feel like I should take it
back, but then I think of how much he harassed me and I have to wonder — if I
don’t report this, is he just going to keep treating other people like this?”
“No, no,” he said, putting his hand on Blaine’s shoulder to reassure him.
Though Kurt could admit, he felt a bit bad for Evan having to potentially face
eight years of jail, he wasn’t innocent. He’d made some bad decisions and he
sadly would have to live with the consequences just like the two of them were
learning to do.
“You’re not mad?” Blaine asked nervously.
“I gave you the proof. I told you to report it," Kurt said carefully.
"Yeah," he agreed and they both fell into an awkward silence while they tried
to come up with something to say.
"I hope she gets eliminated. I don't care how delicious her cooking is, she is
wearing leopard print pants," Kurt said after several minutes just to fill the
silence. Blaine snorted and agreed, and thankfully, they fell back into easy
conversation again.
"Do you think Anthony Bourdain is cute? In like an ‘older man’ kind of way?"
Blaine asked.
"He's no George Clooney," Kurt said with an amused smile. "Why? Do you?"
"No," he said. "I just figured he's a French chef; maybe that did something for
you."
"Trying to see what turns me on, Anderson?" Kurt teased, hoping he wasn’t
crossing a line.
"Just wondering," he said with a shrug and Kurt let out a sigh of relief that
Blaine hadn’t gotten upset. He knew they wouldn’t be having sex for a long
time. He knew that they could only handle being friends at the moment, but he
had yet to figure out where the line was between acceptable behavior and moving
too fast.
"I think anytime we kissed I'd just picture all the weird, disgusting things he
eats on No Reservations," Kurt said with a happy smile. "Nothing romantic about
that."
"I guess not," Blaine said and they went back to watching the show, but Kurt
noticed this time Blaine's hand had inched closer to his own like he wanted to
reach out and grab Kurt's. Kurt took pity on him and placed his hand over
Blaine's. Blaine sent him a shy smile and they both turned back to the TV,
satisfied with that small physical connection between the two of them.
For two people who had shared every part of their bodies with each other, it
was interesting to see them so hesitant around each other. It was like they
really were starting over and all of their problems could be erased if they
just kept treating this relationship with the care it deserved. If they went
about this the way they should have the first time around — slow and gentle.
“Hey,” Burt called out as he walked through the front door a few hours later.
He’d been at the garage all day trying to get some paperwork done.
“What’s up?” he asked when he entered the living room and found Kurt and Blaine
sitting on the couch.
“Blaine and his dad pressed charges against Evan,” Kurt said, knowing his dad
would be happy with the news.
“I know,” he said with a secret smirk.
"You know?" Kurt asked, giving him a curious look.
"Mr. Anderson called me at the shop this morning. He wanted to make sure you
two were being supervised so nothing happened," he responded with a raised
eyebrow.
"What did you tell him?" Kurt asked.
They’d been home alone for a few hours. If Mr. Anderson had called that morning
concerned about them getting up to something scandalous without supervision,
why hadn’t his dad come home earlier? Why hadn’t Blaine’s dad called to tell
him he had to come home?
“I said that I thought that ship had sailed long ago,” Burt said with a snort.
“What did he say?” Blaine asked, sitting up higher in his seat.
“We talked about it,” Burt explained. “We agreed that though most parents would
probably ground you from each other, not seeing each other wouldn’t erase what
had happened and you both seem to do better together than you do apart.”
“So what does that mean?” Kurt asked. “I’m grounded, but I can still see
Blaine?”
“More or less,” Burt answered. “There will be some ground rules.”
“We won’t be having sex,” Kurt said quickly, almost laughing when he saw Blaine
blush and try to bury his face in his hands.
“I don’t know if I believe that,” Burt said. “And the last thing I want is to
enforce open door policies that will drive you to start doing sexual things
outside of your home. We’ve had enough problems; I would hate to think of what
would happen if somebody caught you fooling around in public. So we’re going to
sit here and have a mature discussion as adults.”
“I should probably give you some privacy,” Blaine mumbled, clearly embarrassed
as he started to stand up.
“Sit down, Kid. This involves you, too,” Burt said with a stern look that said
he meant business but he wasn’t angry.
Blaine sank back into the couch awkwardly and Kurt reached out to grab his
hand, reassuringly.
“First off, I want to make it very clear that the reason you two are in trouble
has nothing to do with the sex tape. I’ve said this to Kurt before, but I’ll
say it again so you both understand,” Burt said with a pointed look to Blaine.
“That tape coming out was not your fault and it’s not the reason anybody is
upset with you. It’s disappointing and Evan had no business doing what he did,
but it wasn’t your fault.”
“Okay,” they both said, neither one sounding convinced.
“No,” Burt said sternly. “I know you two have a distorted view on how the world
works because you’ve been pushed around one too many times, but what Evan did
to you goes far beyond normal high school stuff. What he did was a horribly
degrading thing. He took a moment that I’m sure was very private and personal
for you both and he put it out there for the entire world to see hoping to
humiliate you. Nobody deserves that. Furthermore, the video he posted wasn’t
just embarrassing, it was illegal. You’re both minors and as such, that tape
was child pornography. Even if you were both of age, posting that video was a
horrible decision and when he gets punished for it, he’ll deserve it.”
“I know it was wrong, but to be on the sexual predator list forever? That seems
a bit extreme. He might lose his acceptance at Dartmouth,” Kurt said, the
feeling of guilt lingering in the pit of his stomach.
“And how is that any worse than Blaine losing his spot on the National Team?”
Burt asked. “Evan personally sent that video to the people at USA Swimming. He
intended to end Blaine’s future. Don’t you dare feel guilty for even a second
over that boy. He made his bed and now he’ll lie in it. Hopefully he’ll learn
from this and if not, at least we’ve made it that much harder for him to do
this to somebody else.”
“Your dad’s right,” Blaine said quietly. “He deserves what’s coming to him. Not
just for the tape, but for everything.”
Kurt wanted to ask exactly what everything entailed, because he’d never found
out exactly what Evan had been doing to Blaine. He’d intended to look at the
texts Blaine and Evan had shared, but Blaine’s phone had been taken away and he
didn’t know how comfortable Blaine would be talking about it. They had a lot
going on in the last two days and finding out the extent of Evan’s bullying
wasn’t at the top of his priority list. It was enough to know that something
had happened and Blaine was hurt. Now though, Kurt wanted details.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t really ask with his dad sitting right there. There
was no way Blaine would tell him the whole story with his dad listening in.
“Blaine’s dad and I were talking about what to do with you both,” Burt said,
steering the conversation back to the originally subject. “Our biggest concern
is making sure that you two are alright, first and foremost. There was a long
debate over whether or not it’d be easier for you to do that together or
apart.”
“Why wouldn’t it be easier together?” Kurt asked.
“Well for starters, the last time I saw you this upset it was because Blaine
had slept with you and then broken up with you,” Burt said bluntly, causing
Kurt to fidget awkwardly in his chair.
“It’s not how it looks, sir—” Blaine immediately began to explain himself but
his dad just held up his hand to silence him.
“Blaine’s been having a rough time at school lately as well, even before the
tape came out, and his dad thinks it has to do with you. So the question is if
you two are really the healthiest thing for one another,” his dad said.
Kurt didn’t know what to say. His dad was always a big fan of Blaine. It was
strange to hear him bring up all the negative things about them when he was
constantly comparing Evan to Blaine like Blaine was the prime example for
perfect boyfriend.
“We talked about it for awhile. Should we prohibit you from seeing one another?
Should we monitor your interactions to make sure they stayed friendly and
didn’t turn ugly? It was rough, I’m not going to tell you it wasn’t,” Burt
said.
“I’m really, honestly, so sorry for how I treated Kurt before. I love your son,
Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said, causing Kurt’s breath to catch at the ease in which
Blaine was confessing his feelings to his dad of all people.
“I know you do, Kid,” Burt said with a tense smile. “I’ve seen it in your eyes
from the first day you came over to my house and Kurt tried to tell me that you
were straight.”
“But you said you were going to let us keep seeing each other,” Kurt said,
trying to stay focused on the conversation and not get caught up in how
beautiful Blaine’s lips had formed around the word love. “You must have agreed
we were good for one another.”
“We did,” Burt agreed. “I like you, Blaine.”
“Thank you, sir,” Blaine said.
“I’ve never seen my kid as happy or as sad as when he’s with you and I’ve
learned long ago what I think you boys are having to learn now. Love can’t
always be sunshine, rainbows and double features at the revival theatre,” Burt
said. “It’s work. It’s hard work. But when it’s good, it can change your life
around and make everything so much better. I think if you two can learn to take
care of one another instead of pushing each other away whenever things get
hard, you’ve got the potential for something really special. You know, if you
both want it.”
Kurt wanted it. He wanted it so badly that it hurt. He was so blinded by his
love that he wasn’t even upset on his own behalf anymore about the tape; he was
only upset on Blaine’s. He wanted to go back to coffee dates after school. He
wanted to go window shopping at the mall while they both shared headphones and
listened to whatever indie group Blaine had discovered that week. He wanted to
be able to say ‘I love you’ and not worry that it wouldn’t be said back.
He wanted his boyfriend back. He wanted Blaine and he didn’t want to have to
wait for him anymore — but God, he would wait forever if it meant Blaine would
be on the other side ready and willing.
Kurt met Blaine’s eye and they both smiled tentatively at each other. They
certainly weren’t going to be making any heartfelt confessions to each other
with his dad watching on, but Kurt could see it in Blaine’s eyes. The desire
was still there for more.
“So we’re lifting your groundings,” Burt said. “We both agree that the tape
coming out was punishment enough and I think you’ve learned a serious lesson
here. I do expect, however, that since I’m trusting you both to be mature and
am not going to tell you not to have sex again, that you’ll be respectful about
things. Not just of the other people that live here, but of each other.”
“We will, we promise,” Kurt said.
“Yes, of course,” Blaine said quickly. “I mean I’m not even planning on having
sex. Like ever again. Not after this and so you don’t have to worry about
that.”
Kurt thought it was cute that Blaine was rambling so much in front of his dad
because he was overwhelmed and didn’t quite know what else to say. He caught
his dad’s eye and they both shared a fond smile and Kurt thought he understood
why his dad had always been so generous when it came to Blaine.
Unlike Evan, who was clearly always so well composed, almost robotic, with his
family, Blaine was genuine. He got nervous when Burt stared for too long. He
offered to clean up so Carole didn’t have to. He wasn’t afraid to argue with
Finn like a brother would. He was comfortable here, even when he wasn’t 100%
comfortable. He belonged here.
He made Kurt happy and he made Kurt mad. He could make Kurt laugh so hard that
he’d snort. When he made Kurt cry, it was never out of a feeling of being
bullied and discounted, it was because he felt so strongly for this boy that
the thought of things not working out made him miserable.
He was in love with every part of his heart and he wondered how long his dad
had been able to see it. He wondered how Blaine had made such an impression on
his family that his mistakes were so easily forgivable. How had his father had
been able to see past Blaine’s missteps (because taking Kurt’s virginity only
to dump him was a pretty big misstep and unforgivable in most parents books)
and known that Blaine was a kid worthy of Kurt’s love?
How had he known that Blaine’s love would be the one Kurt should fight for even
though Evan’s love had appeared more traditionally romantic and genuine at the
time?
Really though, Kurt wasn’t sure he cared. The fact remained that Kurt loved
Blaine. Blaine loved Kurt. His dad wasn’t going to do anything to keep them
apart.
“One last thing,” Burt added, and Kurt had known that it couldn’t have been
that easy. “In lieu of grounding you, we’ve signed you both up for a safe-sex
education class at the free clinic.”
“We had a sex education class at school,” Kurt said. “I know all about STDs and
all that stuff.”
“Says the boy who ended up having sex with his partner before talking about his
feelings and ended up with a sex tape barely a few weeks after meeting said
partner,” Burt said. “You’re taking this class. It’s a non-negotiable part of
your parole.”
Kurt started to build up an argument against having to show up at some lame
class that would probably be filled with pregnant chicks, but Blaine spoke up
before he got a chance to get going.
“It’s fine, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said. “We’ll take the class.”
“Great. Now, Kurt if you’ll excuse us, I’d like to talk to Blaine alone,” Burt
said.
“You’re not going to threaten him with a shotgun or something are you?” Kurt
asked, half joking.
“No,” Burt said. “I’m just going to give him the same sex talk I once gave
you.”
You matter, the words echoed in Kurt’s mind. It’s the one thing his dad had
said that he thought would always stay with him. Don’t throw yourself around
like you don’t matter, because you matter.
When Kurt thought back on the way Blaine had gotten drunk and thrown himself at
willing boys in the past, he thought there might not be somebody who needed
that talk more because Blaine? Blaine mattered.
***** Chapter 23 *****
Despite having their groundings lifted, Kurt and Blaine barely found time to be
with each other throughout the week as Blaine was forced to return to school
and had increased training sessions. He’d left for the international meet in
Ann Arbor yesterday morning. Apart from late night phone calls and text
messages back and forth, the last Kurt had really talked to Blaine was Sunday
when his father had given Blaine the same ‘you matter’ speech that he’d given
Kurt several months ago.
While Blaine had left his house that night blushing and fumbling over words due
to embarrassment, Kurt could tell that Blaine had appreciated his father’s
words. He could tell that Blaine had taken them to heart. In fact, the few
times Kurt had tried complaining about how his dad was hiring a private tutor
for him, Blaine had taken his dad’s side, always reminding Kurt that his dad
just wanted the best for him.
It would have been annoying if it wasn’t so sweet. Mr. Anderson, for his part,
had at least attempted a similar sex talk of his own, though according to
Blaine, it was painfully awkward for both of them involved. Anderson men
clearly weren’t built to share their feelings, Blaine had informed him. Kurt
could have argued that he thought Blaine did better at it than he thought but
he left it for another conversation. At some point they would get around to
confessing that they both wanted to be boyfriends again, but that time hadn’t
quite come yet. Maybe next week, once the stress of the upcoming competition
was behind Blaine.
“This sucks,” Blaine said the second that Kurt picked up the phone Friday
around lunchtime. He hadn’t even finished saying hello.
“What happened?” Kurt asked, sitting down at the kitchen table and settling in
for what he assumed would be a long discussion. They’d shared several texts
since Blaine had left yesterday and Kurt knew he wasn’t having the best time in
Michigan, but he sounded more distraught than Kurt had expected.
“Nobody will talk to me — and I mean nobody. People passing me in the hotel
give me dirty looks. My friends from other teams won’t even look at me. It’s
like I’ve got the plague. My teammates are being extra smug like they’ve been
waiting for this day to come. I don’t want to be here—” Blaine ranted so fast
that Kurt was having a hard time catching everything he was saying.
There was a knock at his door and Kurt moved to answer it while Blaine
continued to complain to him. He was surprised to see Puck standing on his
front porch with his hands shoved into his pockets as he kicked at invisible
rocks on the ground. Puck and Kurt weren’t friends and Puck and Finn were
complete enemies so Kurt wasn’t quite sure what he was doing here. All he knew
was that Puck was Blaine’s best friend, so he waved him in with a curious look
on his face and a finger to his mouth telling him to stay quiet so he could
hear Blaine as he continued to rant on the other side of the phone.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to swim like this. I barely made it past the
first heat. My times are horrible,” Blaine grumbled, finally pausing long
enough for Kurt to respond.
“Where are you now?” he asked as he walked Puck into the kitchen.
“I’m in an empty hallway with my headphones in, trying to ignore everyone,”
Blaine answered with a tired sigh.
“Alright Blaine, listen to me, okay?” he said and waited for Blaine to hum his
response before continuing. “You’re the best swimmer there and everyone knows
it. They are scared that you’re going to win and they should be. You can.
They’re trying to get in your head and it’s working, but they are doing you a
favor. Not talking to people means no distractions. While they are busy
worrying about you, you can put all of your attention on the meet. You can
win.”
“You’re right,” Blaine said after a few seconds.
“I know,” he said with a fond smile. “But even if you don’t win, it doesn’t
matter. I still love you anyway.”
He heard Blaine gasp on the other end of the line and he held his breath at the
confession, realizing a second too late what he had said. They’d confessed
their feelings to each other before, sure, but they’d always been one sided
confessions. When Kurt had said ‘I love you’ during their first time together,
Blaine had only responded with a painful ‘you shouldn’t’. Then Blaine had
confessed his feelings to Kurt repeatedly but Kurt had been with Evan and was
unable to say anything back.
In fact, the only time they’d ever both confessed their love had been the night
of the Gaga concert when they’d been too enthralled in their passionate
activities to be exchanging anything more than rushed and breathless
confessions that were possibly forgotten the moment they came together.
Still, all of that had been before the tape had come out. It seemed like a
lifetime ago rather than a little over a week ago. Though Blaine had said the
words openly to his father and Kurt had admitted to still loving Blaine when
Evan had shown up on the Anderson’s doorstep, they hadn’t said the words
directly to each other.
Kurt wasn’t sure how they were going to go over. He had a sudden flashback to
the first night they’d gone all the way, when he’d told Blaine he loved him and
Blaine hadn’t said anything back. He’d been able to push past it then; he
didn’t think he could do the same now.
What if it was too much, too soon? What if Kurt had just ruined things between
them? What if Blaine didn’t say it back?
“I love you, too,” Blaine said after a moment’s pause, sounding choked up. It
made Kurt smile finally hearing the words said back to him without the aid of
sex to loosen Blaine’s tongue. It felt more real now — completely tangible.
Kurt cursed the fact that Puck was sitting at his kitchen table eyeing him,
because he felt like dancing around in victory. They were only four small
words, but they felt so much bigger than that.
“And you’re right,” Blaine continued, clearing his throat until they were both
brought out of their daydreaming. “I’m gonna block them all out and swim my ass
off so that I win and they can see how wrong they are about me.”
“Good,” he agreed. “Because they are.”
“I’ve gotta get going. I need to eat something before my next heat,” Blaine
explained.
“Of course,” he said. “Call me when you get the results. I’ve been on the
website all morning trying to find something out but they aren’t updating it
fast enough. I want to know how you’re doing.”
“Yeah, of course,” Blaine said, sounding happy that Kurt cared enough to want
to know. “I’ll text you the results and try and call you after dinner.”
After they said some quick goodbyes — ‘I love you’s on the tips of their
tongues but still not sure if they were at a stage yet were they could just
casually end conversations with it — Kurt hung up. He took a minute to compose
himself and contain his thousand watt smile before turning around to face Puck.
“Shouldn’t you be in school? What are you doing here?” he asked suspiciously,
like Puck was going to harass him.
“We’ve gotta help my boy Blaine,” Puck said as if that should have been
obvious.
Kurt raised his eyebrow at him, questioningly. First of all, Kurt had been
helping Blaine. He’d been answering his worried texts and phone calls whenever
he wasn’t actually with Blaine. It wasn’t perfect, but Kurt was certainly
trying and it seemed to be helping a bit. Second of all, since when was Kurt
involved in anything Puck was doing?
“Okay,” Kurt drawled when it became clear Puck wasn’t going to explain himself
further. “I’m not quite sure where we come into this.” He pointed between the
two of them to make it clear that he had no problems helping Blaine but he
wasn’t sure why they had to work together.
“Blaine’s my bro,” Puck explained, wringing his hands as if the conversation
was making him just as uncomfortable as Kurt. “He’s always looked out for me
and had my back. He’s stopped me from getting thrown in juvie a bunch of times
and he needs me now. I’ve gotta do something to help him.”
“Okay,” Kurt said when it was clear Puck wasn’t going to elaborate anymore. He
wasn’t sure what he had to do with any of this.
“I just… Usually when I want to cheer Blaine up, we go to a party or hit up
some gay clubs. I do the whole supportive friend thing and watch his back to
make sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid,” Puck trailed off, begging Kurt to
fill in the blanks for him so that he wouldn’t have to keep talking.
“But Blaine just had a sex tape come out so going out and getting laid isn’t
exactly the therapy he needs right now,” Kurt finished for him, taking pity on
the boy who looked so incredibly uncomfortable here in his house.
“He hasn’t really been into that whole scene since you came around,” Puck said
with a shrug and where Kurt would have usually taken that as an accusation, it
felt softer, more understanding this time. Puck sounded like he was vaguely
happy for them which was strange. Puck had always looked at him like he had the
plague. As if he was single handedly going to be responsible for Blaine’s
demise.
“He tried it once, the night you guys broke up or whatever happened,” Puck
continued. “He freaked out before anything could really go down. Or anyone,” he
said with a chuckle and a nod, waiting for Kurt to acknowledge his bad pun.
Kurt just stared at him icily.
He took a second to think back to the hurtful voicemail that he’d received
right after the break up. The one where some smarmy asshole had said, so
condescendingly, that he was going to blow Blaine. Enough time had passed that
the hurt wasn’t so stabbing, but he still felt the dullest of ache’s in his
chest at the whole thing. He wondered how different things might have been if
Blaine hadn’t gone to that club that night. If he’d just picked up the phone
and expressed his fear and regret to Kurt himself. They could have saved
themselves so much drama. He wanted to dwell on that thought. He wanted to
blame Puck for encouraging Blaine’s tendency of burying issues with alcohol and
sex, but it wouldn’t get them anywhere.
“I don’t think I can get him drunk to blow off some steam this time,” Puck
said. “Not to mention, I’m pretty sure Lauren would put me in a full body cast
if I went to a club, even if it was one filled with enough rainbows and glitter
to bury a dead body in.”
Puck was Blaine’s friend. He wanted to help and he had tried to in the only way
he knew how. Kurt knew that Puck was one of Blaine’s first and closest friends
and, he had to admit, maybe them finally working together would be more helpful
to Blaine than them working against one another.
“I’m not entirely sure where to even start fixing this most days,” Kurt said,
putting his faith in the fact that Blaine trusted Puck. If Blaine trusted Puck,
then Kurt could.
“Blaine said your ass-hat of a boyfriend was the one to put the tape out,” Puck
said with only a hint of accusation in his eyes that Kurt probably deserved.
“Ex-boyfriend,” he said with a blush, embarrassed now that he’d ever fallen for
Evan’s charms now that he understood how fake they all really were.
“I’d say congrats, but the fact that you stayed with him after he started
bullying Blaine is disgusting, dude,” Puck said.
“Please don’t call me dude,” he said automatically. “I’m not your dude.”
“No, but you’re Blaine’s main squeeze or whatever you two are now, so that
makes us bros-in-law or something. Do you have anything to eat?” Puck asked.
“Oh my God, you’re just like Finn,” he said with a roll of his eyes, missing
Puck’s look of hurt. “Most people wouldn’t show up at somebody’s house that
they barely know, ask for help and then demand food.”
“So that’s a no?” Puck asked with a confused look on his face.
“We’ve got some pop-tarts or I can probably make you some grilled cheese,” he
gave in with a sigh.
“Cool,” Puck said, leaning back in the chair looking like he owned the place.
“I’ll take both.”
Kurt rolled his eyes, but got to work pulling out a pan to make them some
grilled cheese sandwiches.
“If we’re being honest, can I ask you some questions?” Kurt asked tentatively,
while his attention was carefully placed on the bread he was frying.
“I’m not going to give Lauren an STD,” Puck answered sounding bored. “I know
you two are friends or whatever so you’ve probably heard the rumor and are
worried. I’m clean. I got tested a few weeks ago.”
“I wasn’t — well that’s good to hear, I guess,” Kurt sputtered, his face
turning red. He hadn’t even talked to Lauren about having sex with Puck. She
had always made it seem like she was dragging him along without any reward on
his part, but then again, he had caught them making out pretty intensely at the
New Year’s Eve party so he guessed he shouldn’t be that surprised.
“I was going to ask you something about Blaine,” Kurt said once he recovered.
“Oh, well I don’t know what he wants me telling you or whatever, but I guess…
sure,” Puck said.
“What exactly did Evan do to Blaine?” he asked, feeling awkward for having to
ask Puck this instead of Blaine but every time he tried to bring it up, he just
felt like it would only remind Blaine of everything that happened when he was
working so hard to get over it.
“Little B didn’t tell you?” Puck asked, amused. “I kept telling him that if he
really wanted to get back in your pants he should tell you about the texts. He
could play the sad victim and you’d have to come in and be his knight in
shining armor. That’s how all those lame rom-coms you gays watch go, isn’t it?”
“You realize about 80% of what you says is insulting, right?” he said.
“So Blaine keeps telling me,” Puck said with a carefree shrug. “You really had
no idea that your boy toy Evan was such a punk?”
“Until this last weekend? None,” he confessed, feeling ashamed of himself every
time to realized how stupid he’d been to trust Evan.
“Well he’s gonna get thrown in the slammer if he doesn’t lawyer up,” Puck said.
“I’d love to see how the little bitch-ass deals with prison. He thinks he’s
tough, but those guys would make him their slave in under a minute.”
“He’s not going to jail,” he said. “His family is well off, they’ll pay for a
good lawyer. But he’s gonna have to be put on the sexual offenders list and
will probably lose his acceptance at college, so that will be punishment
enough. About Blaine…”
“It started that night of the State Championships, when you all had that weird
threesome,” Puck said.
“It wasn’t a threesome,” Kurt groaned. “It was dinner and I was trying to be
his friend.”
“You two can’t be friends,” he said with a snort. “I’ve seen that sex tape of
when you two were just friends.”
“You watched the tape?” Kurt said, blushing as he realized Puck had seen him
that way.
“Aw, don’t be so embarrassed, Hummel,” he said. “It wasn’t that bad. Pretty
vanilla actually.”
“If getting filmed having sex at school is your idea of vanilla, I’m not sure I
want any details of you and Lauren’s sex life,” Kurt said.
“You sure you don’t want any tips on keeping Blainers satisfied?” Puck asked,
clearly teasing him. “I could round up some sources for you. I’ve seen him with
a fair share of boys.”
“I’m fine, thanks,” he said, managing to contain the flush of his cheeks,
wondering if it was possible for them to permanently redden. He was starting to
realize that he would have to get used to such candid talk if he was going to
continue talking to Puck. “Can we get back to Evan?”
Puck smirked at him knowingly, like it had been a game all along to see how
often he could embarrass Kurt, but eventually dropped it and started to
explain.
“It was mostly text messages,” he said. “Blaine kept saying they weren’t a big
deal, and they probably wouldn’t have been if they weren’t sent to somebody as
sensitive as Blaine. He wouldn’t show them to me, but I started breaking into
his locker and stealing his phone to keep an eye on it.”
“You went through his phone without his permission?” he asked, feeling
scandalized on Blaine’s behalf.
“He’s done worse to keep me out of trouble. He’s my brother, I’ve gotta watch
his back. He’s too self-sacrificing for his own good.”
“What did Evan say?” Kurt asked tentatively, feeling even worse about prying
information out of Puck now that he knew Blaine hadn’t even wanted Puck to
know.
“Just stupid, novice stuff at first. I wasn’t overly impressed with his game.
If he was my bro I would have given him some better tips. He would say stuff
like ‘Kurt’s mine,’ ‘He’s wearing those tight pants on our date, I think it’s
clear I’m the one he wants touching him’ or ‘We just made out in the library
until Kurt almost came in his pants,’” Puck said doing a horrible impression of
Evan.
“You know,” Puck continued in his normal voice, thankfully. “Stupid shit to
make Blaine jealous. But when Blaine didn’t respond to any of them, it started
getting real. He found out about the punks at Blaine’s old school and why he
transferred to McKinley. He started telling Blaine he was going to give the
kids that beat him up Blaine’s address if he didn’t stop talking to you.”
“What?” Kurt said, outraged.
The kids at Blaine’s school had beaten him until he was hospitalized for weeks.
Blaine had barely said much on the matter, but Kurt had seen the news reports
back when it happened. He remembered reading details about the nameless boy who
was in critical condition. Would Evan have really put Blaine’s life at risk
over some stupid love triangle?
“Blaine basically told him that you guys were just friends and asked him to
please stop texting him,” Puck continued to explain. “I told him he should
fight fire with fire, but he refused. He just said that Evan would stop
eventually and told me it wasn’t a big deal. I believed him. I mean, the kid
seemed all talk and no game. You know, until he grew a pair and actually
released that sex tape.”
“Why didn’t Blaine tell me?” Kurt asked, more himself than Puck.
“I don’t know. I told him it was a sure way to get you back, but I guess he
probably thought you wouldn’t believe him,” he said.
“Was that all he did?” Kurt asked, nervous about the answer.
“No, he started sending Blaine hundreds of hateful messages through Facebook
and Twitter and all those websites. He posted messages calling Blaine a slut on
all these swimming message boards. It was a pretty constant thing. Blaine said
it was fine, but between that and the bullying at school, it got to him. He’s
been pretty run down lately. The only thing I know that’s been helping him
clear his head was focusing on preparing for Worlds. Swimming’s always helped
him loosen up a bit, but now that fucker got him kicked off the National team.”
“He’s still allowed to swim though,” Kurt said, tentatively, knowing it wasn’t
quite the same. He’d never understand Blaine and swimming as much as he would
like to. He’d always assumed swimming was something Blaine had to do, not that
he wanted or needed. He hadn’t realized how important it was until now.
“He’s not going to be alright until he gets back on that team,” Puck said. “I
just wish I knew a way to convince the National team that he isn’t this
horrible person they think he is.”
“Mr. Anderson said if he places this weekend they’ll let him back on the team,”
he said.
“He’s lying to make Blaine feel better,” Puck said. “They aren’t going to risk
their image on a boy who’s barely famous, no matter how fast he is.”
“So what would it take to get Blaine back on their team?” Kurt asked.
He hated that Puck knew more about how all of this worked than he did. He hated
that he needed help in making things better for the boy he loved. He should be
able to think of these things on his own. He should have known that no amount
of ‘I love you’s from him were going to make things magically okay. They were
helping, sure, but Puck was right. They needed to get Blaine his future back.
They needed to fix this thing that Evan had broken.
“Honestly? I don’t know if it’s possible so long as all these mothers are on
the message boards talking about what a bad role model he turned out to be,”
Puck explained, helplessly. “Swimming is a self-funding sport. They money for
pro-teams comes from all the novice clubs. There are a lot of politics that go
into it that I’ve never cared for. It’s why I stick to high school swimming,
though Blaine keeps begging me to join his club.”
“So if we could find a way to get those mothers who pay the bills to like
Blaine again, they’d take him back,” Kurt said, the wheels in his mind already
turning fast as he started thinking of a million ideas.
“Considering he’s well on his way to winning World’s if he can get his times
back on track? They’d be stupid not to. He was their golden boy before this
happened,” Puck explained.
“So we just have to convince a group of mothers, that Blaine — a boy who’s been
bullied his entire life and managed to come out stronger than ever — is a guy
they want their kids looking up to,” Kurt said with a smile, realizing that
their task wasn’t as impossible as it had once seemed.
“What are you thinking?” Puck asked.
“I’m thinking that there are several news outlets who might be interested in
running a story about a soon to be Olympic athlete who was bullied so severely
in school that he got hospitalized then had a sex tape illegally filmed and
distributed against his will only to lose his spot on the National Team yet
still hasn’t given up on his dreams.”
“Okay, one, how would we even get anybody to pick up on this story. Two, would
Blaine really want all of this out there in the world? He’s been pretty tight
lipped about being gay-bashed,” Puck said, eyeing him cautiously.
It surprised Kurt that Puck was capable of being so realistic about this. That
he even stopped to consider how Blaine might feel about them going behind his
back and trying to control this, but then again, he figured it shouldn’t. This
was probably the reason they were best friends. He knew Blaine put up with
Puck’s offensive comments for a reason. Deep down, he really was a decent guy.
“He told me that he was upset that he lost the chance at being a role model, at
making a difference for people. This story could make a difference. Do you know
how many gay people out there are being bullied in schools? It would mean the
world to them to see somebody like Blaine confessing his story to the world,”
Kurt said.
“Yes, but there’s a difference between saying that in passing and being willing
to stand on national television and tell his story to the world,” Puck said.
“You’re right,” he said. “But if Blaine agreed to it, do you think it would
work? Could it get Blaine back on the National team?”
“Yeah, probably,” Puck admitted. “But you can’t do anything without his
permission. He’d never forgive you.”
“I won’t,” he promised.
“If you ask him outright, he’ll say no,” Puck warned him. “He doesn’t want
people fixing things for him. It makes him feel helpless.”
“I’ll figure something out,” he said.
“I’ve gotta go,” Puck said. “I need to get back to school before I miss another
History test.”
“Okay,” he said, not really sure how he was supposed to end things with Puck.
They weren’t friends, so a hug was out of the question. The awkward wave he was
giving him seemed wrong too though.
Puck held his fist out and Kurt stared at it for a minute, wondering what he
was doing. If he wanted to hit Kurt, he would have pulled back his hand and
just done it, not held his fist out there. Did he expect Kurt to just walk into
a punch? Accept it willingly? That seemed rather stupid.
“You pound it,” Puck said with an amused laugh, lifting his other hand to show
how to properly ‘pound it’ out.
“You’re fist bumping me?” he laughed back, feeling dumb for not noticing what
Puck was doing before. “Do I look like the fist bumping kind of guy?”
Regardless of his words, Kurt raised his one fist and met Puck’s with a roll of
his eyes. If his sigh was more fond than annoyed, Kurt didn’t have to tell
anybody.
“You’re alright, Hummel,” Puck said with a nod of approval.
“You, too,” he added, the kind words feeling strange on his lips when directed
at Puck.
****
“Everything went much better this afternoon,” Blaine explained to him later
that night as Kurt was settling into his nightly routine, preparing for bed.
“Great, I’m glad to hear that. What place did you get?” he asked, still unsure
of all the correct terminology even after all the high school meets he’d sat
through.
“Well, it was only preliminary heats today,” he explained. “They don’t decide
places until finals.”
“I know,” Kurt said with a blush. “But you still know where you stand based off
everyone’s times today, right?”
“I had the top three times in five of my events and advanced straight to finals
for those. I’ve got to do a semi-final for my first two events since I messed
up this morning,” he explained.
“Top three!” Kurt exclaimed. “That’s great! I told you that you could do it.”
“Yeah. I’m still not hitting any of my best times, so that’s disappointing. But
it’s not over yet. There’s still a chance to hit that Olympic time and get my
dad to bring you with me to Shanghai,” Blaine explained.
“You think he’s still going to let that happen? That’s cute,” he said, amused.
“He’s warming up to you,” Blaine said and Kurt could hear his smile through the
phone. “Besides, I think I’m probably to blame for his bad first impression of
you. I might have given my dad a reason to hate any boy he saw me with in the
past,” he said sheepishly.
“Do I even want you to explain what you mean?” he asked.
It had always been in the back of his mind that Kurt wasn’t the first guy
Blaine had brought home. Cooper and several other people had led him to believe
he was just another one in a line of many, but that didn’t mean he liked to
think too long about that fact.
“If we’re really going to start over, I should probably be honest with you,”
Blaine said.
“Is that what you really want? For us to start over?” he asked, feeling
incredibly hopeful.
“I mean, isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” Blaine asked, sounding self-
conscious and completely adorable.
“Yeah, it doesn’t hurt to hear you say it though,” he said, kind of feeling
giddy inside. He hadn’t thought they’d get to have this conversation for
awhile, he hadn’t known if Blaine would be ready for it.
“Kurt Hummel, will you please ignore all the reasons why you should say no to
me and be my boyfriend again?” Blaine asked. Kurt felt his heart swell at the
word boyfriend.
He knew he hadn’t been single for long. He’d been Evan’s boyfriend for the last
few months, but that had never quite filled him with the same sense of
belonging as it had when Blaine said it to him.
“You have just as many reasons to say no to me, so I think we can wipe that
slate clean. Of course I’ll be your boyfriend,” he said, wishing this
conversation wasn’t being held over the phone so he could pull Blaine close and
kiss him. Then again, maybe it was best they had some distance for this talk if
history was anything to go by. They had a track record of being unable to
understand the concept of the word slow — which is what they desperately needed
to try and do this time around if they wanted this to work.
“Okay, just be patient with me. I don’t think I’m quite ready to be Ryan
Gosling in The Notebook yet.” Kurt couldn’t see Blaine, but he had no doubt
that Blaine was biting his lip and twiddling his thumbs like he did whenever he
got nervous.
“We’ll have a Victorian romance,” he said, trying to keep things light so they
didn’t have to fall into all the reasons why Blaine wasn’t ready for more. “The
most I’ll allow you to do is scandalously hold my hand when the parents aren’t
looking. We won’t do anything until we’re both ready to again, deal?”
“Sounds incredibly sexy. Are you going to dress up like Mr. Darcy?” Blaine
teased him, giving Kurt a sigh of relief. It had been so long since things were
light like this between them and his missed it.
“Technically speaking I’m pretty sure that’s pre-Victorian era but my history
isn’t the best,” he said. “Why? Are you admitting to a Pride and Prejudice
fantasy?”
“No,” Blaine said, the light tone in his voice dropping almost immediately and
Kurt wanted to kick himself. “No fantasies. Not yet. Not if you want me to keep
my control and not ravage you the second I see you.”
Oh, so maybe it wasn’t too much too fast… Maybe Blaine was slowly getting to
the point where Kurt could stop worrying over every word he said. He could only
hope.
“Okay. I’ll try to be less enticing,” he said with an easy smile as he began to
start his nightly moisturizing routine.
“Please do.”
He could hear the smile in Blaine’s voice and it made him proud to know that
he’d helped put it there. It forced him to remember his conversation earlier
with Puck. He needed to find a way to talk to Blaine about how open he’d be to
sharing his story with the world. Kurt honestly believed it was the best chance
Blaine had at getting his career completely back on track.
“And in return, I don’t know if I’ll be able to see you swim anytime soon. That
suit you wear is dangerous,” he flirted, keeping things light while his mind
ran rampant with different ways to get Blaine to agree to talking to the media
without actually telling him that was what he was planning on doing.
“This might be harder than we think,” Blaine said.
“Perhaps.”
“I want to ask you a question,” Kurt said after a lull in the conversation,
knowing he needed to bring this up sooner rather than later.
“Should I be scared?” he asked, with a nervous chuckle.
“No, of course not,” Kurt said, rushing to reassure him. “I was just thinking
about something you said the other day. About how you wanted to be a role model
for the LGBT community.”
“Yeah?”
“I guess I never knew that,” Kurt said. “You never really mentioned it before.
I didn’t even realize you were in a position to actually be one until two weeks
ago.”
“Well, it doesn’t really matter anymore,” he said sounding disappointed. In
that moment Kurt knew he was onto something.
“It’s just that you’ve always been so quiet about what happened to you before
at your old school. I didn’t think you’d ever want to share that with somebody.
You barely shared it with me,” Kurt said, trying to lightly push him towards
the confession that would give him the go ahead to act on his plan to get
Blaine back on the National team.
“It’s a hard thing to talk about,” he said quietly. “Why does it matter?”
“I guess I’m just curious. It made me think about what will happen to me if I
actually pursue a career as an entertainer,” Kurt quickly said. It wasn’t a lie
per se. He had been thinking more and more about his future and if he really
wanted all the attention being a star would entail. He hadn’t liked the
attention he’d been getting over the last two weeks and that would be mild
compared to the attention most celebrities have nowadays.
“You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. You’ll never have a problem telling
your story,” Blaine said wistfully. “Besides. I imagine it’s probably easier to
be brave when the reward is that you actually have the power to help other
people.”
“Aren’t you in a position to help other people?” he asked.
“Not anymore,” Blaine said. “I’m not sure if I ever was.”
“If you had the opportunity, do you think you would? Would you tell everyone
about what happened if it meant you could help stop it from happening to other
people?” he asked.
“What are you trying to say?” Blaine asked suspiciously.
“Nothing, I’m just trying to get to know you better,” he said quickly. “The
Blaine I met was too scared to confess his real feelings, but you’re brave now.
You serenade boys at prep schools. You’re so much stronger, I can tell. I guess
it was just a silly thought I had. Maybe one day when you go the Olympics and
get famous, they’ll ask you a lot of questions. I just wonder if you feel like
you’re brave enough to stop hiding. I want that for you. I’d never push you
into it, but I do want that for you.”
“I think I want that for me, too,” Blaine said, and it was as much permission
as Kurt was ever going to get to go ahead with his crazy idea without revealing
too much to Blaine.
“You’re going to be so inspirational to so many people one day, don’t forget
that,” he said.
“In the spirit of getting to know one another again… We should go back to the
original conversation we were having,” Blaine said. “I feel like I should be
honest with you about why my parents were less than welcoming to you.”
“You really don’t have to explain if you don’t want to,” he said, unsure if he
even wanted Blaine to explain to him. “A few disapproving parents aren’t going
to stop me from dating you.”
“I do,” Blaine said quickly. “I want to tell you. I just don’t want you to
judge me too hard. I was a different person back then.”
“I know that,” he said.
“So you’ll listen?” Blaine asked.
“Always.”
“Don’t go making promises you aren’t prepared to keep,” Blaine said with a
slight hitch to his breath.
“Who said I wasn’t prepared to keep them?”
Blaine didn’t respond for a minute, and when he did it was only to start his
story. Kurt couldn’t blame him. They’d only just agreed to be boyfriends who
would take things slowly. Talking about them being a forever kind of thing was
getting way ahead of themselves.
“My dad isn’t the best at expressing his emotions properly and my mom can
sometimes be rather silent when it comes to parenting,” Blaine explained
carefully. “When I came out to them, they weren’t jumping for joy. They had a
million questions, most of them of the ‘have you tried dating a girl’ variety
and while I know now that they didn’t realize how hurtful those comments were,
the thirteen year old version of me didn’t.”
“I’m sorry they weren’t more supportive of you,” he said.
“That’s just it though, they loved me. I didn’t think they did, but they do,”
he rambled as Kurt had come to learn Blaine often did when trying to tell him
something important.
He couldn’t always find the right words so he fumbled around nervously until
they came to him. He knew it was a lack of confidence issue. A habit born out
of the fear that if he took the time to stop talking and think about his next
words, people would stop listening to him. He hoped it was something Blaine
would grow out of in time as he became more self-assured about his emotions. If
he never did though, Kurt knew he’d love him just the same as he’d always done.
Besides, he was rather fond of the rambling.
“Once I got beat up and hospitalized, I begged to transfer schools but my dad
said it would make me look weak,” he continued his story. “My mom goes along
with whatever my dad says usually. She didn’t disagree with him. Ever since
then, I’ve had it in my head that they would never accept my sexuality. I was
punished at my old school for liking boys and I thought my dad was punishing
me, too. I was so scared and angry. I just wanted to force them to accept me.”
“It’s not always something you have control over,” Kurt said.
“Try telling that to an insecure teenager,” he said with a shrug. “When I got
to McKinley, it was the first time I really had friends that accepted me for
who I was, even if I was still being somewhat dishonest about who I was. They
took me out to parties and clubs and I started realizing that I didn’t just
have to be gay in theory; I could actually act on being gay. There were
countless guys who would let me kiss them and touch them. The attention was
nice for a change. I didn’t realize until I met you that sex could be more than
just sex. I didn’t realize that I was worthy of being loved and not just used…
Your dad helped me see that I was just throwing myself around like I didn’t
matter.”
“You matter, Blaine. You will always matter, despite what anybody else says,”
Kurt said, praying that Blaine heard his words and took them to heart.
“Thank you,” he said, still uncomfortable taking compliments like that. “But
back to my parents. I was acting out. I wanted to shove my sexuality in their
faces. I wanted them to finally admit that they didn’t like the fact that I was
gay. A part of me was hoping they’d finally understand it. That if they saw me
with enough guys, they’d understand that I was never going to go out with a
woman.”
“So you brought boys home to make your parents angry?” Kurt asked.
“It worked,” Blaine said. “They were always so disgusted every time they’d see
me with another guy in bed, it made me more vindictive and I just kept going
out to get more and more guys to bring home. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t
the fact that I was sleeping with boys that made them upset. It was the fact
that I was throwing myself around with very little self-respect.”
“Blaine, I’m the first person to tell you that sex can be pretty amazing… But
you aren’t going to find love in it. Love comes from all the little things you
share with a person. It’s the coffee dates. It’s holding hands while window
shopping. It’s sharing headphones as you listen to a song you both like. Sex
when you love somebody, is great. But sex alone doesn’t give you much of
anything—”
“I know that now,” Blaine said. “I promise you, I do. That’s why I want us to
take this slowly. I’ve never… I’ve never taken much of anything slowly with
anyone and I want to make sure this is about more than just sex with us,
because I know that what we have is love. I just… yeah. I thought you should
know about my past. Full disclosure and everything. ”
“Well, thank you for being honest,” he said, unsure how else to react.
The mental image of Blaine sleeping with any guy in sight made him nervous.
There was always the question of whether the boys Blaine took home had taken
advantage of him, because Kurt had heard enough under the breath comments to
know it was a very real possibility.
“Go easy on my parents though, would you?” Blaine said. “They mean well. They
were really rude before, but they didn’t know that you weren’t just another guy
to me that first night.”
“I wasn’t?” Kurt asked, thinking back to their first time fooling around
together and how incredibly drunk they’d both been. He knew that Blaine had
grown to care about him, but there had always been that lingering doubt that
the first time they’d shared had been 100% alcohol induced only.
“You’ve never been just another guy to me,” he said. “I should have made that
clear to them in the beginning and maybe they wouldn’t have been so rude to
you, but I was being selfish. I still wanted to hurt them and I was too scared
that you’d find out about the type of guy I really was and leave me. You’re so
special and sweet and I don’t deserve you at all.”
“There is no deserving or not deserving,” Kurt said. “You have to get that out
of your head — that with enough points one way I’ll go running out the door but
enough points another way you can get me to stay. I love you, with all the
great wonderful things mixed in with all the ugly horrible things. I love you
and that’s not going to change.”
“Okay,” he said sounding like he might actually have heard Kurt. “So long as
you know I never saw it as a game or a prize with you, I promise.”
“I know, I was just using it as an example,” Kurt reassured him.
“I’m not proud of the things I’ve done in the past or any of the horrible boys
I’ve been with. I used to wear sex as a trophy and that’s wrong. It doesn’t
make me any better than Evan, except for the fact that I’m pretty sure those
guys were using me just as much as I was them so at least nobody got as hurt,”
he said. “I promise you though that I’m not like that anymore and you’ve never
been part of that game, no matter how poorly I showed that to you in the
beginning.”
“Okay,” Kurt said, for lack of anything better to say.
“I’m rambling,” he said.
“It’s cute,” Kurt giggled.
“You could always stop me, you know,” he groaned.
“Never.”
“I guess all I was trying to say was that my dad means well. I know you don’t
like him, but he loves me,” Blaine said. “I haven’t always given him a lot of
reasons to trust me. He’s not perfect by any means and he has done a lot of
stuff to make me doubt him, but he does love me. The idea of the two of us
together is growing on him. The reason he didn’t like you before had nothing to
do with you and everything to do with me and my past.”
“Blaine, I promise you, it’s fine,” Kurt said. “The only concern I ever had was
that you didn’t feel enough love from him. I can see that he’s trying now and
if you tell me that he loves you, I believe you. I promise. You don’t have to
worry about my feelings.”
“You’re always so much stronger,” Blaine said.
“We’re both pretty strong.”
“So was my speech too much then?” Blaine asked.
“No… just more than I was expecting,” he said, honestly.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry,” Kurt said. “I’m just not used to you being so open and
honest with me.”
“Well, that’s what a good relationship is built on, right?” Blaine said,
sounding happier than he had a few minutes ago, like a load had been lifted off
of his shoulders.
Kurt wondered how long Blaine had been holding onto a lot of his anger at his
parents. He wondered if Blaine had spent nights awake praying Kurt wouldn’t
think that he was a slut for sleeping with so many boys. He wondered just how
long Blaine had waited to talk to him about all of this.
“I’ve been talking to my parents about healthy ways to make a relationship
work,” he continued. “I’m serious when I say that I want it to work this time.
They told me that we should probably talk a lot more before we just act on
things.”
“They’re probably right.” Kurt said. “My dad has said similar things to me. For
the record though, I don’t regret anything that we did before.”
“Except the breakup,” Blaine said. “I would take that back in a heartbeat.”
“And probably the sex tape,” Kurt added.
“Yes. Definitely the sex tape,” he said with a humorless laugh.
“I should probably let you go so you can rest up for tomorrow,” Kurt said, as
he pulled back the covers of his bed and climbed in.
“I’ve only got the two events tomorrow so my dad is taking my mom and me
shopping then out to dinner,” Blaine said with obvious excitement. Kurt could
remember back when he’d been scared he was losing his dad to Finn how excited
he’d been the first time his dad had offered to take him to see a musical in
Columbus. He understood how happy such a little thing could make somebody.
“That sounds like fun,” he smiled.
“I’ll call you afterwards,” Blaine promised.
“Take pictures!” he added.
“Of me or the clothing stores?” Blaine teased.
“Both? You. Maybe you in your swimsuit,” he said flirtatiously.
“That’s supposed to be off limits,” Blaine laughed easily.
“I have a feeling I’m going to be having to take care of myself for awhile if
we’re going to do this slow,” Kurt confessed, knowing it might be too far but
he figured if they were going to do the full honesty thing, they should
probably not pretend that they hadn’t had a relationship filled with sex
before. “You can help me out by giving me something to think about.”
“Only if you send me a picture of you in your white pants,” Blaine said.
“Deal.”
“Goodnight, boyfriend,” Blaine said and Kurt just loved the way the word
sounded in Blaine’s sleepy yet adorably loving voice.
“Good luck tomorrow, boyfriend,” Kurt said hanging up the phone and dreaming of
future dates spent at the revival theatre, sharing ice cream, and all the other
ridiculously cliché high school dates they’d never been allowed to have as more
than just friends. No, if they were taking this slow, Kurt was going to make
sure they still had the most romantic courtship in history. They both deserved
it.
***** Chapter 24 *****
Sunday afternoon, Kurt sat in his room carefully typing an email on his laptop
while Puck and Lauren read over his shoulder. He had called them over after
lunch to help him work on his plan to get Blaine’s story out to the media and
they’d both agreed to come over without hesitation. After some discussion on
the best course of action, they’d decided that an email would be more effective
than trying to make hundreds of phone calls. With Lauren’s ability to do almost
anything with a computer, she could pretty much guarantee that their messages
were read by the right people.
The plan was simple. Tell Blaine’s story and attach swimming videos to show how
incredibly talented he was, screenshots from various message boards slamming
Blaine and demanding he stay off the swim team, and finally the police report
to prove that this was a serious issue and Blaine was the victim.
“You should talk about his swimming accomplishments before everything else,”
Lauren said. “You need to give these people a reason to care about some small
town nobody.”
“The fact that a boy was gay bashed won’t make them care?” Kurt responded,
offended. Unfortunately he knew that she was right, so he went ahead and
started editing what he’d already written.
“How can we be sure that they’ll even read these emails? This isn’t going to
work,” Puck said as he read over Kurt’s shoulder.
“That’s what I’m here for, dumb ass,” Lauren said, smacking Puck’s arm. “I
swear, it’s a good thing you’re pretty because you’re one of the slowest people
I’ve ever conversed with.”
“I love it when you talk like that,” Puck said, looking her up and down,
causing Kurt to make gagging sounds in the background.
“Can you two seriously not do that in my bedroom?” he said, shaking in disgust.
“I don’t think you’re in any position to talk since your sexual rendezvous can
be viewed on any cellphone with internet access,” Lauren said with a chuckle.
“Now move so I can hack into NBC’s email account.”
“Are you sure we won’t get in trouble for this?” Kurt asked skeptically.
“I’m a professional,” Lauren said with a huff of annoyance. “Besides, you’re
the one that said you wanted to find a way to make sure Blaine’s story got
heard. Isn’t that why you invited me over? If I can make it look like the email
was sent from somebody in the business, it’ll get read.”
“You’re so hot when you do this,” Puck said.
“You two disgust me,” Kurt groaned. He moved to sit on his bed to give Lauren
space to work, so he wouldn’t have to overhear whatever gross things Puck was
whispering into her ear.
“Now give me the list of all the people you want to send the email to and order
me two pizzas, this might take awhile,” she said.
Kurt grabbed his notebook with all the contact information he could hunt down
from all the local news outlets in the area as well as some national ones on
the off chance Lauren actually could manage to make sure their email got read
and somebody took notice.
“There are over twenty sources on this list,” she huffed. “You’re going to have
to hunt down out of season Starburst Candy Canes for this one.”
“You manage to get this done for my boy Blaine and I’ll buy you whatever candy
you want for the next month,” Puck said.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, babe” she teased.
Barely an hour and three pizzas (two just for Lauren) later, she was done and
the emails had been sent, each from prominent producers in the business. Kurt
didn’t ask how she’d managed that. He was positive that he didn’t want to know
her secrets. Now all they had to do was wait and hope that somebody out there
cared enough about the injustice that had happened to run Blaine’s story.
****
Later on that night after Puck and Lauren had left to do God knows what, Kurt
stood in the kitchen, trying to teach his dad how to make his mother’s old cake
batter cookie recipe. They’d started these cooking lessons last year as a way
to try and bond over something they could both agree on — food. Ever since Kurt
had transferred to Dalton, they’d been too busy to keep up the lessons, but his
dad had insisted — with everything that had happened- they start up again. Kurt
thought it was his dad’s way of keeping tabs on him without seeming too
overbearing and nosey, but he found he didn’t mind because he really did enjoy
spending time bonding with his dad.
“So how’d Blaine’s swim meet go?” Burt asked, trying to sneak cookie dough out
of the mixing bowl before Kurt slapped his hand away.
“I’m not sure. Today’s results haven’t been posted to the internet yet and we
haven’t talked since this morning. He promised he’d call me when it was over,
but—” Kurt just shrugged.
“He’ll call,” he reassured him. “Do you know how late it was supposed to run?
Maybe it’s still going on?”
“No, he said it was going to be over before four. He should be home by now,”
Kurt said. “I’m sure he’s just tired. It was a long weekend for him.”
“Well, I hope everything went alright, that kid could use a break,” Burt said
as Kurt motioned him over to start scooping out dough so they could get the
cookies ready to bake.
Once everything was in the oven and the timer had been set, Kurt moved into the
living room to watch TV with his dad while they waited for everything to bake.
They had just settled down to an episode of American Pickers when the doorbell
rang.
“That’s all you, kid,” Burt said with a smirk.
Kurt groaned and made his way to the door, prepared to tell Ms. Hendrickson for
the seventh time that week that no, they weren’t going to help her get rid of
Old Man Joe’s dog, but he was delightedly surprised.
“Blaine!” Kurt exclaimed when he opened the door to find his boyfriend on the
other side. “What are you doing here?”
“Surprise!” he said with a goofy grin before pulling Kurt in for a hug. “I
wanted to tell you the good news in person.”
Kurt pulled back and immediately noticed several medals around his neck that
had escaped his vision before, many of them were gold.
“You won!” he yelled, throwing his arms back around Blaine. “I knew you could
do it!”
“Thanks,” Blaine said.
“Is that Blaine?” his dad called from the living room. “Tell him to stop
letting the bugs get into the house and get in here!”
Kurt giggled and happily pulled Blaine into the house and shut the door behind
him. They walked hand-in-hand to the other room where his dad was still sitting
in his lazy boy, but he’d at least muted the TV.
“He won,” Kurt said with a bright smile, squeezing Blaine’s hand hard. They
were both ecstatic that they finally had some good news to share after the past
couple weeks they’d had.
“Congrats, Kid,” Burt said with a genuine smile that caused Blaine to blush.
“It was only in three of the events,” he said modestly. “I still messed up in
three others and didn’t place as well as we’d hoped I would.”
“It doesn’t matter, three events is still a lot,” Kurt said. “Come on, I made
you cookies.”
“But you didn’t even know I was coming,” Blaine said with a confused chuckle.
“We didn’t make them specifically for you,” Burt clarified but it earned him a
harsh glare from Kurt. “But please stay and have some. They’ll be out of the
oven in a few minutes and if they taste anything like the ones Kurt’s mom used
to make they are worth every pound you’ll gain eating them.”
“Lucky for me that I’m on a high calorie diet then,” Blaine said with a smile.
“So tell us more,” Kurt said once the cookies had been pulled out of the oven
and placed onto plates for them to enjoy.
“I got first in my 50M Freestyle, but I didn’t hit the time I wanted to so I’ll
have to work pretty hard so I can start hitting that time more regularly,”
Blaine explained.
“You’ll get there,” Burt said confidently. “Even the best athletes in the world
still have to practice every day.”
“I messed up in the 200M Freestyle so I only placed 3rd, but I was beat out by
Phelps and Lochte so I still think I did a fair job—” Blaine said, trailing off
with a smile on his face that said he was hiding something.
“What else happened?” Kurt asked, knowingly.
“Oh nothing much… On my 100M Freestyle and 200M Medley I beat out Michael
Phelps,” he said with a shrug as if it was nothing but Kurt knew it was
anything but nothing.
Kurt might not know a lot about swimming, but he certainly knew who Michael
Phelps was. There wasn’t a single person in America that didn’t associate
swimming with Michael Phelps and the memory of the 2008 Olympics when he’d won
a record breaking eight gold medals.
“You what?!” Kurt practically shouted, his jaw dropping in shock. He looked
over to see that his dad’s expression matched his.
“It wasn’t by much, but yeah,” Blaine said, trying to remain composed as if he
wasn’t over the moon with how the meet had turned out.
It had only been two days ago when Blaine had called him up complaining about
how he didn’t think he could swim this weekend. Clearly that had changed and
Blaine had found his rhythm in the pool again because this was amazing!
“We are talking about the Michael Phelps, right?” Burt clarified and when
Blaine nodded, he let out an impressed whistle. “Well, damn.”
“You said that you wanted people to see how wrong they were about you, that
certainly made them eat their words,” Kurt said, beyond proud of Blaine.
“If anything it just made things worse,” he said and when both of them just
looked at him confused, he explained further. “They thought they could kick me
off the team and when I did horrible at this meet, they could write me off as
nothing more than a flash-in-the-pan success that died out too soon. Now
they’ll have to continue putting up with me no matter how much they don’t want
to. I don’t care though. It doesn’t matter how much they try to push me out,
I’m not going anywhere.”
“Well that’s a great attitude,” Burt said, standing up to leave and giving
Blaine a proud pat on the back. “You did good today.”
“Thanks, Mr. H,” Blaine said, beaming under the praise.
“You two don’t stay up too late, Blaine’s got school in the morning,” he said.
“I’ve got curfew soon. I have to leave in a few minutes,” Blaine explained. His
dad seemed satisfied with that answer and went upstairs to give them some
privacy.
“If it wasn’t clear before, I’m really proud of you,” Kurt said, shifting his
chair closer to Blaine’s so that their thighs were touching, now that they were
alone.
“I didn’t think I could do it,” he said, sheepishly. “Thanks for the pep talk.
It really helped me get my focus back.”
“That’s what boyfriends are for, right?” Kurt said, knocking shoulders with
him. Blaine turned to look at him and Kurt couldn’t help but let his gaze drop
down to his wet, slightly open lips.
“Boyfriends,” he practically sang, unable to keep the smile of his face, which
Kurt found to be adorable.
“Boyfriends,” Kurt whispered, unable to stop himself from leaning in and
capturing Blaine’s lips like it was the most natural thing in the world.
There was no awkward bumping of noses or fumbling for a comfortable position
like there had been before when Kurt was with Evan. They just fell together
like they were two puzzles pieces snapped into place. There were no hands
around his waist scrambling to get his shirt untucked so fingers could scratch
desperately at his back. They weren’t grinding against each other searching for
release as quickly as they could get it, but this was better. Somehow these
simple, innocent and sweet kisses were everything he’d ever wanted even though
it was slower than they’d ever taken things before.
This was what their first kiss should have been like, not drunken and tripping
over each other as they tried to get to a couch. Not skipping all the way to
third base without ever stopping to enjoy the first two. Kurt had never and
would never regret the things that they’d done together, but he could
appreciate why some couples decided to wait a long time before having sex with
each other. Such a simple thing like kissing was enough to make Kurt happy for
the rest of his life.
In fact, he didn’t care if he never came up for air. If he stayed right here,
lips glued to Blaine’s forever, he would die a very satisfied man. There was
just something in the way Blaine’s soft lips yielded to his that was
mesmerizing. He wanted more, sure he always would want more, but this was
enough. This was all he would ever need, Blaine’s breath tickling his cheek as
they tried to push closer and closer together.
Blaine’s hand moved up to cup around the back of his neck, rubbing at the hair
there and it sent a warm tingling throughout his body. It wasn’t the red hot
flame he was used to feeling as his lip got bit and a strong, eager hand rubbed
him through his jeans, but it was just as pleasant. Instead of a fire that felt
like it could be blown out with a strong gust of wind, this felt more like the
coming of spring — the first warm day in the sun after a long winter. It was
something more permanent with promises of it lasting for months to come.
Kurt twisted on his barstool and let his hands find their way to Blaine’s tiny
waist, loving how compact he was even with the solid muscle he could feel under
the thin warmup jacket. He shivered as he felt Blaine’s tongue slip into his
mouth, hesitant yet still completely confident that it belonged there, not
unlike Blaine in that regard.
Before long, Kurt’s hand began to make the slow trek past Blaine’s belly button
and up his chest, no doubt going to its familiar spot at Blaine’s nipple where
Kurt had always spent a great amount of time teasing him. A loud clinking came
as Kurt’s hand reached the medals that he’d forgotten about, and he was
immediately reminded of how Blaine had got the medals — swimming. His sexy,
muscular, well tanned boyfriend had spent the weekend in a pool wearing a tight
bathing suit. The familiar image of Blaine, dripping wet as he stepped out of
the pool caused Kurt to moan and both boys were forced to pull away, blushing.
“Right,” Kurt panted, barely catching his breath as he tried to recover and
calm himself down before his body got too excited and he decided to throw out
their plan to take things slow. “Air is good.”
Blaine laughed, looking over at him with heavily lidded eyes and parted lips as
he breathed heavily. Clearly he was just as affected as Kurt was. In fact, with
the way he was clinching and unclenching his fist, Kurt wondered if he wasn’t
more affected, though he refused to look down to see if Blaine’s warmup pants
were tented, because he was afraid of what the answer might tempt him to do.
No. Slow was good. Slow was what they wanted this time around. Just because
they were two teenagers with hormones didn’t mean they had to jump into bed
with each other any time they got remotely aroused.
“I’ve missed being able to do that,” Blaine said once they’d managed to get
both of their breathing under control.
He smiled at him and Kurt reached out his hand to link it into Blaine’s before
moving to rest his head on Blaine’s shoulder.
“Michael came up to me after the medal ceremony. I was surprised. I didn’t
think he even knew I existed,” Blaine said and Kurt was thankful for something
to talk about so that he wasn’t tempted to pull Blaine’s kiss-swollen lips down
for another round.
“Well he has to now, you beat him,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I guess,” Blaine said with a sigh. “It’s strange. A few years ago these
were the guys I was looking up to. I never expected to be swimming with them.”
“You worked hard and you earned it,” he said, hoping Blaine wasn’t doubting
himself again.
“I did,” Blaine mused. “He actually gave me some good advice.”
“What did he say?” He wondered what a guy like that would have to say to Blaine
and hoped that it was positive, but then again, Blaine wouldn’t sound so calm
if it wasn’t.
“He just told me that when he got suspended for using marijuana, he was worried
that he’d never swim again, but he was honest about his mistake and didn’t try
to hide it,” he explained, tracing lines onto the back of Kurt’s hand with his
thumb. “He asked for forgiveness and just kept on swimming until his talent was
too great to ignore. Most people eventually realized that he was just a kid
that was destined to make mistakes just like any other college kid his age.”
“That makes sense,” Kurt said. “You guys are good at what you do, but that
doesn’t mean you’re not still human. Did he think they’d let you back on the
team?”
“I didn’t ask.” He shrugged. “It’s not his call anyways. But he told me that I
had his respect and that was enough for me, you know?”
“Yeah. That’s a huge deal,” Kurt said. “I’m really proud of you.”
“You said that before,” he teased him, sending him a warm smile that told Kurt
even if he kept saying it, Blaine would never get tired of hearing it.
“Well, I’m going to keep saying it,” Kurt said, leaning in to give him a quick
peck on the lips being sure to pull back before it could turn into anything
more than that.
“I should probably get going,” he said reluctantly and Kurt stood up to walk
him to the door, careful to give him a bag of cookies to take home with him.
They had more than enough to spare and he didn’t really want to listen to Finn
complain about feeling sick when he inevitably ate two dozen cookies in one
sitting.
“I’m glad you won,” Kurt said to stall for time once they reached the door and
had to say goodbye for the night.
He hated this part. Neither one of them ever wanted to say goodnight so they
usually ended up talking at the doorway for another hour or so before his dad
would come and yell at Kurt to let Blaine go home already. They couldn’t do
that tonight though; Blaine had a curfew to get home for.
“Me, too. But you know what makes me even happier?” Blaine asked and Kurt just
sent him a questioning look. “That I had an amazing boyfriend to come home and
share the news with.”
“Yeah, that part isn’t so bad either,” he said as they hugged each other and
whispered goodnight into each other’s necks.
****
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you,” Kurt said when he answered the door and saw
Blaine on the other side. Now that they were officially together and had been
for two weeks, Blaine was constantly showing up at their house unannounced, but
Kurt would never complain about the little surprises. He was always happy to
see Blaine and his family didn’t mind having him around.
“How was practice?”
“Brutal, but good,” Blaine said, stepping inside and pulling Kurt into a
welcoming hug. “I missed you.”
“You saw me yesterday,” Kurt teased him, but he understood. He had missed
Blaine as well. Sitting at home all day with only his tutor to keep him company
was brutal.
“I don’t see you at school,” he said with such an adorable pout that Kurt
couldn’t help but kiss him.
“I actually got some exciting news today,” Blaine said when they pulled apart.
“Oh?” he said, raising his eyebrows as he pulled him into the living room to
sit down and talk.
“My dad said he’s been getting calls for me to do interviews about everything
that happened,” Blaine said.
“Interviews?” He pretended to be surprised. It wasn’t hard. He hadn’t been
positive that his crazy plan would work, even with Lauren’s help. He’d thought
for sure the fact that since two weeks had passed without any news meant that
the plan hadn’t worked.
“Yeah,” Blaine said. “I guess they heard that I’d been kicked off the national
team and think it’s unfair and would make an interesting story. My dad thinks
it might be a good career move to do something.”
“And what do you think?” he asked, tentatively. He agreed with Blaine’s father,
that was why he’d sent those e-mails to begin with, but he wasn’t going to
force this on Blaine. If he was hesitant about it at all, he’d tell him not to
go through with it. Kurt was only doing this to help Blaine, not make things
worse.
“I don’t want to do a million interviews, but I guess if I found one or two
people that I was comfortable talking with, it wouldn’t be that bad,” Blaine
said. “I don’t want everyone knowing every detail about my life, but it would
be better than them all believing whatever lies they’ve got made up in their
head.”
“So what, are we talking about the crazy, comb-over, ‘This is your Lima and I’m
your guy’ NBC anchor or what?” Kurt asked.
“More like Ellen, Oprah, or Dr. Phil,” Blaine said. “Sports Illustrated called,
but my dad turned them down because they sounded like they might try to cover
up my sexuality.”
“What?” Kurt felt like his eyes might fall out of his head as Blaine rattled
off all the different people that had contacted him for an interview.
He had never imagined anybody on a national level would pick up the story, not
when Blaine still technically wasn’t famous anywhere but in the swimming
community. He’d thought for sure since the story involved sex between two gay
teenagers, the media would have been turned off even if they were interested in
a story about bullying at an unknown high school in Ohio. If anything, all he’d
really hoped was that maybe the local news would run something and they could
post the news report on message boards to help Blaine’s story get out. Any of
this getting national attention was a long shot; something he’d only done on a
whim.
“We didn’t understand it, but I guess my dad asked them why they wanted to do a
story on me,” Blaine said, curling his feet under him and slouching down like
he did when he was self-conscious. “They all told him that bullying was a hot
topic in the media now and with me performing so well at the last two meets I
was somebody that people would root for. It’s kind of silly.”
“It’s not. People want to see you succeed, you’re that guy everyone cheers
for,” he said with a small smile, reaching out to take hold of Blaine’s hand.
“What are you worried about?”
“If I do this — if I talk to somebody on a major network show — it’s not just
my story I’d be telling the whole country,” Blaine said, looking up to give
Kurt a nervous look. “It’s both of ours.”
“Well nobody is interested in hearing me tell it,” he said with a chuckle that
caused Blaine to glare at him.
“Kurt…”
“Blaine,” Kurt cut him off. “People like you. They like you way more than they
like me and I want people to know what happened here. They are going to hear
your story. They will see all the horrible things that you’ve been through ever
since coming out and they’ll see that you’re still this amazing, hardworking,
likable guy. They’ll get upset on your behalf and that’s when things start
changing for people like us. If I told that story nobody would care, but
they’ll care when it comes from you.”
“People would get upset on your behalf, too,” he said.
“Maybe that’s true, if you were the one telling them about it,” Kurt said,
trying to reason with him.
He wasn’t trying to be self-depreciating, it was just the truth. Blaine was a
charming guy. He covered his pain with smiles and compliments. He worked hard
to get people to like him, but that happened naturally most of the time. They
listened to him and respected him. Kurt covered his pain with biting remarks
and distance. He liked to push people’s buttons so that it was obvious that he
didn’t care about their approval when he inevitably didn’t get it. It wasn’t a
bad thing, it just made them different.
Kurt made a difference by being so loud and out there that people couldn’t
ignore him, but that wasn’t who the world needed to hear from right now. They
had enough people like Kurt in the world, at schools across the country pushing
boundaries and demanding to be heard. What all those kids like Kurt needed was
somebody to look up to that had the ability to make the world take notice.
Somebody that could make the people in power care.
Blaine was that guy. He was an athlete — an Olympic level athlete if the
national team would just let him back on the team so he could compete at
World’s and the Olympic Trials next year. He had already proven his “worth” to
the world by beating one of the most decorated Olympians in history. If the
media had been waiting for a good enough reason to end bullying in schools,
Blaine getting kicked off the national team because of Evan’s actions was
reason enough.
Blaine made the perfect poster kid for this campaign, but what if he didn’t
want to be the poster kid? He didn’t have to do this for anyone else but
himself. Doing an interview like this could put him back on the national team.
The truth would get out that he hadn’t released that video willingly. The bad
PR that USA Swimming would get for kicking Blaine off for being nothing more
than a victim of bullying would be reason enough for them to put him back on
the team. He would get his life back.
Blaine looked like he was going to argue with Kurt, but he just held up his
hand before Blaine could say anything.
“No,” Kurt said. “Please don’t make this decision based on me.”
“We’re boyfriends,” he said. “Aren’t we supposed to think about each other when
our decisions affect one another?”
“Probably,” Kurt said with a shrug. “But this is bigger than that.”
“You’d really be okay with this becoming a national story?” he asked warily.
“I’m not even sure that I want it to be a national story. At this point, only
people around town and on swimming message boards know about what happened. We
can still graduate and go to New York together without this tape following us.
It’s already been taken down off the internet.”
“This tape already got me expelled from school and it’s done a lot worse for
you. It’d be nice if something good could come out of this,” Kurt said, pulling
Blaine closer so that he could wrap his arms around him.
“I thought we got each other out of all of this,” he tilted his head back onto
Kurt’s shoulder so that they could still look at each other.
“We did,” Kurt said, about to argue that it wasn’t enough against everything
that had happened, but he paused to really take in Blaine’s hesitant look that
likely meant he was pushing this too hard. “We did,” he said, this time with a
soft, promising smile. He would drop this for now until they both had some time
to think things over.
“So what are you more excited for, The Kardashians coming back on or The Real
Housewives of New Jersey?” Blaine asked with a teasing smile. They shared a lot
of common interests, especially reality TV, but this was one area that Blaine
simply indulged Kurt in. Blaine preferred the competition based shows like
Project Runway, Top Chef or even The Bachelor to the drama based ones.
“You can’t honestly expect me to choose,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
“That’s like if I asked you to choose between Maks Chmerkovskiy from Dancing
with the Stars and Travis Wall from So You Think You Can Dance.”
“That’s not fair, you know I have a soft spot for dancers,” Blaine argued.
“Well I have a soft spot for girls getting into ridiculous cat fights and
overspending on bad fashion choices,” he said with a laugh.
“Not all of their fashion choices are bad,” Blaine chuckled.
“Let us hope that’s true this season,” he said as they fell into comfortable
silence. Kurt pulled the latest issue of Vogue off the coffee table and Blaine
read over his shoulder, occasionally commenting when something great caught
their eye.
About an hour later, Finn had come barreling home after Glee practice with
Rachel and they’d both been forced to retreat up to Kurt’s room since the
alternative was being forced to hear the two of them go back and forth between
arguing over Quinn and making out.
As Blaine sat between his legs with his history book as they both pretended
like they were going to do some studying, Kurt figured it was as good a time as
any to bring the discussion of the possible interviews back up since he knew
neither of them had really stopped thinking about it.
“Do you know what it would have meant to me last year to see somebody like you
on TV, not letting the bullies take him down?” Kurt asked.
“Do you really think people are even going to care?” Blaine sighed, tossing his
book to the side and falling back into Kurt’s arms. “What if this makes things
worse?”
“How could it possibly make things worse?” he asked, looking down at Blaine
like he was crazy.
“Don’t pretend like it would get any easier if the entire world suddenly knew
about our sex tape,” Blaine said with a roll of his eyes.
“What is US Swimming going to do? Kick you off the team for talking to the
media? They’ve already kicked you off the team, so you’ve got nothing to lose,”
he explained.
“I’m not just talking about US Swimming,” Blaine said, obviously doing his best
not to turn this into an argument and Kurt appreciated that. Neither of them
wanted to fight over this.
“I know you aren’t,” he said patiently. “But I really don’t care who knows
about it at this point. This way, the truth will get out about what really
happened and everyone will see what a great role model you are. Do you know how
few athletes are out and proud? The last Olympics had eleven and almost all of
them were lesbians. Most athletes wait until retirement to come out if they
ever do.”
“Of course I know that—”
“So far being gay hasn’t hurt your career,” Kurt interrupted him before he
could start to formulate an argument.
“It got me kicked off the team,” he said with a pointed look.
“A sex tape got you kicked off the team,” Kurt said.
“A gay sex tape,” he countered. “There’s really no telling how much of this
backlash is about the tape versus my sexuality.”
“Look at Mckinley,” Kurt said. “All of that team knows that you’re gay and
you’ve never been kicked out of the locker room during shower time. In fact, I
distinctly remember you telling me that you convinced Straight-But-Sexy Sam
Evans to fool around with you in said locker room. Am I wrong?”
“He came onto me, I didn’t pursue him,” he clarified. “Besides, that’s high
school. This is the real world.”
“Exactly,” Kurt said feeling smug that Blaine had pretty much proved his point
for him. “High school is full of insecure teenagers that hate everyone else. If
you can win them over, you’ll have no problem doing that with the rest of the
world.”
Blaine looked back at him doubtfully and he could tell that he was losing him.
It wasn’t that Kurt needed him to do this interview; it was just that Kurt
could tell he wanted to but he was holding back and that wouldn’t do. Not when
Kurt knew he could actually change his fate by doing something like this. If he
was serious about getting back on the national team and being a role model for
other kids, this was something that he really should do.
“I just… I’m not trying to push this on you,” Kurt said, honestly. “I’m really
not. But you told me that you wanted to be able to make a difference but you
didn’t think you could anymore. You still can. You can make the biggest
difference—”
“Okay,” Blaine agreed, interrupting him.
“Okay?” he repeated, confused.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll do it,” Blaine said with a smile, leaning in to kiss away the
baffled look that was surely on his face.
“Don’t just say okay because you think you have to,” he said. “I want you to be
sure. I won’t be mad if you say no. National news is a lot of people.”
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since my dad told me this morning,” Blaine
explained and he sounded like he was sure of his decision which made Kurt feel
better. “I’ve wanted to say yes, but I’ve been too scared, but you’re right. If
I want to make a difference, I can’t be afraid to act. I’ve just got to do
this.”
“You only have to pick one or two, after that you can refuse to do another
interview again. It doesn’t have to be bigger than that,” he explained
carefully as if he was dealing with an easily startled deer.
“No, I should do this,” Blaine nodded, confident in his decision. “There’s a
big chance people still won’t care.”
“They will,” he said, wrapping his arms around Blaine from behind and holding
him close. “How could they not when you’re sitting there on their TV screens
looking so adorably hurt.”
“Thank you?” Blaine said, making it sound like a question, but Kurt ignored it.
“If you think you can do this, there’s really nothing else you could do that
would be more meaningful in your entire life,” he rambled on.
“No pressure or anything,” Blaine said with a choked laugh.
“So who are you going to do the interview with?” Kurt asked, trying to steer
the conversation to lighter things. “Dr. Phil is obviously out, since he
obviously will smell like formaldehyde and I hear he’s an asshole on set. He
won’t have the target audience you want anyway.”
“I was thinking that Ellen or Oprah would be cool,” Blaine said. “Oprah’s going
off-air soon so it’d be pretty cool to get to be part of some of the last
shows.”
“Totally,” he agreed. “Besides she always gives a lot of free swag. What do you
think she’d hand out?”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t really thinking that far,” Blaine said. “I don’t need
anything.”
“I can just imagine it, ‘lube for you and lube for you! Lube for everybody!”
Kurt yelled trying to make him smile.
Blaine started laughing so hard that he almost fell off the bed until Kurt
grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back. The sight of it caused Kurt’s
heart to jump up into his throat and his eyes to water. It had been so long
since Blaine had really laughed more than a short chuckled and he’d really
missed the melodic sound of it.
“Okay, no Oprah,” Blaine said, wiping tears from his eyes.
“What? No,” he groaned. “I actually like Oprah. She’s one of my idols.”
“Now I’ll never be able to look her in the eyes without picturing her yelling
about free lube, so thanks for that,” Blaine said, shifting around on the bed
so that they were facing each other.
“So, Ellen?” Kurt asked once they were sitting across from each other, both
cross legged and holding hands.
“Ellen,” he agreed.
“She’d be the most sympathetic to your story,” Kurt mused.
“She also has a younger audience,” Blaine said, clearly building up an argument
and the more they thought about it, the more right it seemed. “She’s on after
school so more kids could see it and maybe… I don’t know.”
“No, teenagers should be able to see your story,” he said encouragingly.
“That’s the whole point. Moms watch, too. I’m sure a lot of those swimming
mothers would watch.”
“This seems so surreal,” Blaine said, looking a little shocked. “How are we
sitting here talking about me doing the Ellen Show?”
“That’s how I feel every time we talk about the Olympics,” he agreed with a
laugh. “Though if you do qualify for the Olympics, you’re going to be talking
to a lot more than just the Ellen Show.”
“I might actually be put back on the team,” Blaine said sounding stunned, as if
the thought was just starting to settle in with him.
“Guess you’d better practice you’re dance moves then, I wonder if you get to
pick what song you come out to,” he said, thinking ahead to all the things
Blaine would have to think about before his interview. “Do you have a stylist
or will you have to wear your own clothes. Oh God, what would you wear? I’ll
have to go through your closet because we want to make sure your outfit sends
the right message and—”
“I love you,” Blaine interrupted him, his chin in his hand as he stared
dreamily at him.
Kurt’s breath caught in his throat and he wondered if he would ever grow used
to hearing Blaine say that to him. He hoped he never did.
“I love you, too.” he said. “You know when you stop to really think about it,
it’s been a pretty amazing year.”
“Yeah, it has,” Blaine agreed quickly and despite all of the bad things that
had happened to both of them since meeting back in November, they both honestly
believed their words.
****
ELLEN: My next guest was well on his way to being a member of our Olympic
Swimming team in London next year when his life was thrown off-course by high
school bullying. While most people would call him amazing for being barely
seventeen years old and already competing with the likes of Cullen Jones, Ryan
Lochte, and Michael Phelps himself; I think he’s pretty amazing for something
else entirely — take a look.
(Video clip plays of Blaine touring different areas of McKinley High School.
It’s from a soon to air special on MTV about cyber bullying).
ELLEN: Please welcome out, Blaine Anderson.
(P!nk’s ‘F**kin’ Perfect’ plays as Blaine Anderson dances and sings onto stage.
Ellen stands up to sing and dance with Blaine for the rest of the chorus before
the music fades out.)
ELLEN: Hello, Hello!
(Ellen and Blaine hug before sitting down.)
ELLEN: It’s so nice to have you on the show.
BLAINE: I’m really excited to be here!
ELLEN: You’ve got an excellent voice there, are you sure you’re not Justin
Bieber in disguise?
BLAINE: Oh, no, he’s still back there waiting to come out.
(Audience screams.)
BLAINE: Singing is fun, but I’ve got chlorine in my veins. I’m definitely a
swimmer.
ELLEN: Now, I hear you just turned seventeen last week.
BLAINE: (nods) Last Thursday.
ELLEN: That’s crazy to me. Because that means when you beat Michael Phelps at
the Michigan Grand Prix last month and then again two weeks ago in Charlotte,
you were only sixteen! You’re still in high school!
BLAINE: I’m about to finish my sophomore year.
ELLEN: Doesn’t it seem strange to you to be so young and swimming with Olympic
level athletes? I mean Michael Phelps has more gold medals than anyone in the
world!
BLAINE: It’s kind of surreal sometimes when I think about stuff like that, so I
try not to otherwise it gets into my head. But, yeah… I never expected to ever
be swimming with guys like Michael or Ryan but it’s really cool. I’m not going
to lie. Plus they are really nice guys.
ELLEN: That’s great! But I actually wanted to talk to you about something a bit
more serious.
(Blaine rolls his eyes and nods, good-naturedly)
ELLEN: You’re gay.
BLAINE: I am.
ELLEN: And you’re completely open about your sexuality with everyone.
BLAINE: There was a time when I was younger that I was terrified of what being
gay meant so I hid it from everyone. When I turned fourteen, I realized that I
didn’t want to hide it.
ELLEN: Now there are a lot of high schoolers out there that are afraid to admit
something like that. What impresses me the most about you is that you’re also
about to be a pretty well known athlete around the world. Didn’t you worry that
it would be difficult to be out as a professional athlete?
BLAINE: I’m not going to say it’s easy because it’s not. Bullying has always
been an issue for me ever since I came out. But most of my bullying,
thankfully, has never come from my teammates. In fact, being a swimmer has done
a lot to help stop the bullying.
ELLEN: Let’s talk about the bullying. Most kids your age have dealt with it in
some form in their lives.
BLAINE: When I was a freshman, I went to a school dance with another boy and it
made a lot of people angry. A group of guys found us in the parking lot
afterwards and beat us up.
ELLEN: That’s horrible. Were those boys ever caught?
BLAINE: Yes, but they weren’t punished. I was actually the one that got
expelled. We found out after I got out of the hospital a few weeks later.
ELLEN: Wait, how were you expelled?
BLAINE: School policy dictated that anyone involved in a fight be expelled.
ELLEN: But those guys were the ones fighting…
BLAINE: Sadly, there are a lot of rules in place to protect bullies and very
few to protect victims. The guys at my old school came from important families
and were members of the State Champion Football team. I wasn’t.
ELLEN: So you transferred schools.
BLAINE: I had to repeat my freshman year due to all the school I missed when I
was in the hospital, but I got to do it at McKinley which is where I go now. I
joined the high school swimming team and I’m lucky that I’ve got a lot of great
friends and support there.
ELLEN: You didn’t swim before that?
BLAINE: I swam, but not on a school team. It’s much different. It’s nice to
have a group of guys that support you both in the pool and out of it.
ELLEN: That’s great! I hear you qualified for the World Championships with
seven events and are the only minor on the men’s team to be invited.
BLAINE: I’m not allowed to go.
ELLEN: (jokingly) Bad grades? Go over the texting limit this month?
BLAINE: (laughs) I wish. Sex tape.
ELLEN: Okay, let’s talk more about that, because you did a special on cyber-
bullying for MTV that will air later on this month.
BLAINE: (blushing) I made a poor decision. I was fooling around with my
boyfriend in what we thought was a private area and unfortunately it wasn’t.
Our (searches for words)
ELLEN: Time together?
BLAINE: Yes, our time together was filmed and posted online by somebody that
thought it would be a good way to get back at me for having something that he
didn’t. Charges were pressed and the video got taken down, but sadly one of the
consequences of the video coming out was that I lost my spot on the national
team.
ELLEN: So you didn’t actually post the video then?
BLAINE: Of course not. I’m not saying that I’m perfect and I’ve never made a
bad decision, but I would never have posted a video that could hurt my career
as well as get my boyfriend expelled from school.
ELLEN: Your boyfriend got expelled from school?
BLAINE: He went to a private school that had a strict moral code. Once the
video was posted, he was expelled and he’s had to hire a private tutor because
public schools aren’t safe for him.
ELLEN: By not safe, you mean because he’s gay?
BLAINE: Yes. He got bullied really badly at our school.
ELLEN: But you still go there.
BLAINE: I do.
ELLEN: And you don’t get bullied?
BLAINE: (stumbles for words) I… he… Yeah, I do. I’ve gotten notes in my locker
telling me to kill myself and shoved around in the hallway, but it’s worse for
him.
ELLEN: Why do you think that is?
BLAINE: Honestly? I hate saying this because it feels really hypocritical to
say and I don’t believe it should be like this at all, but I’m a student
athlete and he isn’t. He’s really smart. He’s got better grades than I do and
his tests scores are really high, but he’s not an athlete and sadly, sports are
more important at schools than education.
ELLEN: So if you weren’t a swimmer, school would be worse for you as well?
BLAINE: Probably.
ELLEN: You know, I want to show a picture of you and your boyfriend together,
if that’s okay?
BLAINE: Of course.
(A picture of Kurt and Blaine at one of Blaine’s swim meets appears on the
screen behind them)
ELLEN: I just think the two of you are adorable.
BLAINE: Well, he’s adorable at least.
ELLEN: His name is Kurt, right?
BLAINE: Yes, and I’m completely in love with him.
ELLEN: It makes me sad to think that you two have been through so much and have
been able to overcome it all and find happiness in each other, only to have to
put up with people trying to bring the two of you down.
BLAINE: It’s been hard, but I’m incredibly lucky to have such a strong man to
lean on when it gets rough.
ELLEN: Do you think it was fair for US Swimming to kick you off of the team?
BLAINE: I think they have a business to run and there are a lot of really
talented athletes on that team who don’t deserve to be caught up in a scandal
like this, so I can understand why they made the decision that they did.
ELLEN: That’s a very diplomatic answer for a seventeen year old kid.
BLAINE: I could sit here and cry about how much I miss swimming on the national
team and how much I want to be able to go to worlds and try out for the
Olympics next year, but they made their decision and I have to just keep doing
what I’m doing and hope that this one mistake won’t follow me for the rest of
my life.
ELLEN: I think once they realize what a great role model you are for kids
everywhere, they’ll rethink their decision.
BLAINE: I hope so, but until then, I’m just going to keep swimming.
(Blushes as audience laughs)
BLAINE: I swear that wasn’t intentional.
ELLEN: Sure it wasn’t.
(Blaine covers his face as the audience continues to laugh)
ELLEN: Well, I’ve got to tell you, I really admire your strength. Not a lot of
people would be able to come back from being both hospitalized by their bullies
as well as having a sex tape spread around the internet, but it seems like
you’ve taken it all in stride and only grown stronger because of it. Is there
any last advice you could give to kids at home who are having a hard time?
BLAINE: I guess just to never be afraid to do the things that make you happy,
even if it’s not always the cool thing to do. Happiness takes work sometimes,
but it’s worth it.
ELLEN: I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy training schedule
to stop by.
BLAINE: Thank you!
ELLEN: If you’re interested in hearing more about Blaine’s story you can tune
into MTV’s Cyber-Bullying special airing next Tuesday at 9pm. We’ve got Justin
Bieber up next right after the break.
***** Blaine Interlude 24.5 *****
When Blaine showed up for the first round of heats at the Speedo Grand
Challenge a few days after shooting Ellen, he was fully prepared to deal with
the painful whispers behind his back, people blatantly pointing at him, and
even to tell off the few people that would be bold enough to try and call him a
whore to his face. He hadn’t been prepared for anybody to support him.
“Dad,” Blaine said carefully, his bag slipping from his shoulder and falling to
the ground in his shock as a group of high school girls walked past giggling
and smiling shyly as they wore matching T-shirts with Dory from Finding Nemo on
it that said ‘Just keep swimming to Shanghai 2011’ with ‘Let Blaine back on the
Team’ written on the back in colorful, glittering letters.
“I guess people saw the interview,” his dad said, sounding just as confused as
he was. “Come on, let’s get you checked in, the first heat starts in an hour.”
“Hey Blaine!” one of guys from his team in Dublin, Kent, waved at him happily
as he walked past with his family.
“Hi?” he replied slowly, wondering why a boy who had hated him for the last
four years — ever since Blaine had beat him to the gold medal at their first
trip to Nationals — was looking so excited to see him.
“This is strange,” he whispered to his dad. “I expected everyone to be staring
at me, but not like they liked me. I didn’t — is that a shirt with mine and
Kurt’s faces on it?”
Sure enough, a mother at the concession stand juggling three coffees and a box
of doughnuts was wearing a shirt with a photo of them together — Blaine’s
Facebook profile picture to be exact. The words ‘stop bullying’ were printed on
it.
“This is insane,” Blaine said. “A few days ago everyone hated me!”
“I know,” his dad said, still in disbelief himself. “But it’s happening and as
weird as it might be, it’s better than the alternative.”
“I guess,” he mumbled.
“Listen.” His dad pulled him into a corner and fixed him with a serious look.
“I know this is a lot to take in, but you’re going to have to be as mature
about this as you can. If people come up to you, no matter what they have to
say, you need to be courteous. Be your charming self, because everything you do
is going to be under the microscope now, even more than before.”
Blaine felt his eyes grow big as he began to form a protest; he didn’t want to
be under a microscope. All he’d ever wanted to do was be allowed to swim free
of people hating him for his sexuality and a sex tape that he hadn’t even
posted. Maybe a small part of him had wanted to shine a spotlight on teen
bullying, but he never wanted to be famous for this…
“It’s alright,” his dad said calmly. “You’re going to be fine. You’re used to
little kids coming up and asking for your autograph. This is going to be just
like that, only… bigger. You’re a talented, charismatic boy. With or without
that tape getting out, everyone was going to start taking notice of you soon
enough. You’ve watched it happen to most of the swimmers you looked up to when
you were young. It’s your turn now. Just don’t give anyone a reason to say
anything negative about you. Those people are on your side and want to support
you. Appreciate it.”
“Okay,” he said shakily, still unsure about what was happening. This was not
the pep talked he’d been expecting to have with his dad this morning. He’d been
prepared to hear ‘keep your head in the race’ and ‘ignore the hate.’ This was
the last thing he’d expected.
“Blaine, there you are,” his private coach called out. Blaine broke off the
conversation with his dad. “I’ve been looking for you. I guess they had more
swimmers sign up for the meet than they anticipated, something about a lot of
last minute sign-ups.”
“Is that even allowed?” his dad asked, surprised.
“If you’re willing to pay the hefty fines, yes,” his coach said. “They are
advancing anybody with Olympic qualifying times automatically to the next round
to save time.”
“So I don’t have to swim at all today?” Blaine asked, silently cursing the fact
that he’d been woken up at 4 in the morning for nothing.
“The 50 and 100M Free have quarter finals tonight that you’ll have to swim in,
but the rest of your events start semi-finals tomorrow morning,” he explained.
“Well, I guess that’s cool,” Blaine said, glad that he didn’t have to go
through the first round of heats which were usually pretty pointless for him to
begin with.
“We’ll just head back to the hotel then and rest up? No point sticking around
here,” his dad said giving his coach a pointed look.
Typically the team had a rule that all the swimmers had to be on hand to
support their teammates, but he knew that his dad was thinking about all the
unnecessary attention he would get by sticking around here for several hours
when he didn’t even have to compete.
“That’s, uh, probably a good idea,” his coach agreed awkwardly as another group
of kids wearing T-shirts supporting him walked past, openly gawking. “Just make
sure you’re back by 4:30 to warm up.”
Blaine nodded and tried to hide his face with his hand while the two men
discussed the schedule for the rest of the day so that they could know what to
expect. There was a boy, probably in his early twenties, taking pictures of
Blaine with his camera phone, nodding to himself like he’d just struck gold. It
made Blaine more uncomfortable than it would be if the man had just walked up
and asked him for a picture. He could handle smiling and nodding along while
people talked to him. He didn’t know how to handle this odd attention from
afar. Was he expected to just ignore it or was he supposed to acknowledge it?
Was he supposed to invite the man over to talk? It was kind of creepy.
“Can we talk about this later?” he pleaded through gritted teeth, pasting a
smile on his face.
Both of the men stopped their conversation and looked up to find the boy
shamelessly taking pictures of Blaine.
“Sure thing,” his dad said immediately.
His coach looked like he wanted to say something more to Blaine, but after
several attempts to find the right words he just gave him a proud smile and a
strong pat on the shoulder before walking off.
“How about we go wake your mother up and find a place to get some real
breakfast?” his dad asked him, steering him away from the amateur paparazzi and
towards the entrance.
“Sounds great,” Blaine said, glad to be getting out for a few hours so that he
could start to wrap his mind around what was happening. Maybe if he had some
distance, he could prepare himself for what he was going to be dealing with all
weekend and grow comfortable with the idea. After all, it was a nicer form of
harassment.
An hour later, the Anderson family found themselves at a packed pancake house,
the only restaurant in the area open before 8am. Blaine had been hesitant at
first when he noticed the crowd, but the bagel he’d grabbed from the lame
continental breakfast earlier hadn’t done much to fill him up and most of the
customers were wearing business suits so they were unlikely to know who he was.
With two races later on today, he was careful to order two meals, both full of
carbs. He’d been training really hard ever since high school swim season had
finished and he needed to keep up his strength, especially with a meet all
weekend. He’d been put on an eight to ten-thousand calorie diet by the
nutritionist his dad had hired and he’d been sticking to it - much to Kurt’s
horror every time they ate together.
“Excuse me,” a young, slightly chubby girl who couldn’t be more than eleven
years old came up to their table, blushing as she spoke. “Are you Blaine
Anderson?”
“Yes,” he said kindly, turning in his chair so he could face her fully.
The attention from earlier had made him uncomfortable, but this was something
he was used to. He talked to young kids all the time. When his practices were
finished, he tried to stick around to help out the elementary level swimmers
whenever he could. He was used to being looked at by younger kids with awe.
Unlike his teammates in his age group, the younger kids had never been anything
but kind to him. They were always happy to see him succeed and he liked
mentoring them in the same way he’d been mentored by older swimmers. So this
girl coming up to talk to him wasn’t entirely unwelcome, even if it did still
feel like he was unworthy.
“My mom watches the Ellen show,” she said, shyly, staring down at her feet.
“Oh, cool,” he said, hoping if he kept his voice friendly enough she would at
least look him in the eye.
“I think my mom was secretly watching for Justin Bieber, but she saw you,” she
said with a conspiring giggle.
“Well, I’m sorry I took up your mom’s secret Bieber time,” Blaine said. “What’s
your name?”
“Allison,” the girl said, finally looking up so that he could see the small,
nervous smile on her face. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
“For what?” he asked.
“There are some mean people at my school that like to pick on me a lot,” she
said, tearing up a bit and making his heart clench painfully in his chest.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” he said, feeling helpless as the girl sniffled in
front of him.
“My parents thought I was being dramatic,” she said. “But when my mom saw you
on TV talking about how bad bullying is she told me I could change schools. So,
thanks. I hope you get to be on your swim team again.”
“Well, thank you,” Blaine said with a warm smile. “You are very sweet and
anybody that could be mean to you is a horrible person. You’re beautiful and
wonderful, don’t forget that.”
She finally gave him a real smile and he couldn’t help but pull her into a hug
before she skipped off to where her mother was waiting in the lobby.
When he turned back to look at his parents, they were both grinning at him like
he’d just spent the entire weekend cleaning out the attic without being asked.
“What?” he said feeling his face heat up.
He knew exactly why they were giving him that look, but it was embarrassing. He
never asked for any of this to happen. He’d just wanted to swim and it felt
good to win. It felt amazing to excel at something. The fact that he could make
a difference while doing something he loved was never something he’d expected
to happen but now that it was, his dad was right. Kurt was right. He needed to
do what he could to be the best role model he could be. He hoped he could rise
up to the challenge. 

“It’s ‘cause you’re so handsome and charming,” his mother reached over and
squeezed his cheeks before he could brush her off.
“Mom,” he groaned.
“Please, you’re embarrassing him,” his dad said, with a teasing smirk. “Our
little celebrity doesn’t want to be photographed with his embarrassing parents
doting over him.”
“Would you both just stop,” he grumbled good naturedly. It was almost surreal
that they were now able to have family meals together where teasing didn’t turn
into whispered arguments.
****
“Well, hello Mr. Hollywood,” Kurt answered the phone causing Blaine to groan.
“Can I not be Blaine Anderson, swimmer extraordinaire who just went on national
TV? I need to just be Blaine for a minute,” he complained.
“What’s going on?” Kurt asked, his joking tone dropped.
“Everybody here loves me and it’s creepy,” he said, careful to keep his voice
down so that he wouldn’t be overheard by anybody in the lobby of the hotel
where he had snuck for a conversation away from his parents after the quarter-
finals had finished.
“That’s a bad thing?” Kurt asked, clearly trying to hide a laugh.
Blaine rolled his eyes. Of course it was a bad thing. Well, maybe not bad, but
it wasn’t exactly fun. He always thought celebrities that had been caught going
off on paparazzi were crazy and tacky, but he was starting to understand the
feeling.
“They won’t leave me alone. It’s not bad when they come up and actually talk to
me or ask me nicely for a picture. It’s actually kind of sweet to hear some of
their stories. But that’s not what most people are doing,” he explained.
“What’s happening?” Kurt asked, sounding concerned finally.
“I have a group of fourteen year old girls following me around and taking
pictures of me, but every time I look at them, they run away. Even now, I can
see one of them eating at the restaurant across the lobby trying to take a
picture through the window.”
“Oh,” Kurt said knowingly, causing Blaine’s eyebrows to rise in confusion. “So
that picture that just started going around Tumblr...that’s you from right
now?”
“Is she live blogging this?” he asked, not sure how anything could still shock
him after the day he’d had. “What the hell? This is weird. Why me? What is so
interesting about me that they have been stalking me all day?”
“It’s because you looked absolutely adorable in that interview,” Kurt said, his
voice taking on that smitten tone that he usually loved but in this case
Blaine’s wasn’t sure it was appropriate. “And for the record, you look adorable
now. I like that red sweater on you… it’s very sexy.”
“Really?” he responded, judging Kurt slightly. “You’re flirting with me over
the phone now? You’re staring at a picture somebody just snapped through the
window of a restaurant… this is insane. What has happened to my life?”
“You’re fine,” Kurt said, trying to sound reassuring. “I thought you wanted the
attention. Isn’t that why you did this?”
“I didn’t want attention, I just wanted to make a difference,” he grumbled. He
thought Kurt had understood the difference.
“I thought you liked people worshiping your body,” Kurt teased, clearly trying
to lighten the mood and cheer him up.
“I like you worshiping my body and that’s it,” he said with only a slight
smile. He was too overwhelmed to joke around. “I’m not trying to sound like an
ungrateful brat. I know that I should be flattered by the attention. I don’t
mind it when it’s people wishing me well or actually talking to me like I’m a
regular person. That’s kind of nice. I just don’t know how to handle this
paparazzi stuff. How does anybody get used to this?”
“At least we’re not Beyonce and Jay-Z,” Kurt said, causing Blaine to stop when
he realized what Kurt meant when he compared this to a famous couple — couple,
as in two people dealing with unwanted attention.
“People haven’t been bothering you, have they?” he asked, hating that his
circus of a life might have turned Kurt’s life upside down, too.
“Nothing too serious,” Kurt said dismissively. “Somebody found my Tumblr and
tweeted the URL. I keep changing my URL but I it’s a lost cause now.”
“Seriously? How?” he asked, throwing his head back in frustration.
“Never doubt the power of a fangirl,” Kurt said gravely. “Though it was
probably Lauren,” he added, much lighter.
“You’re oddly chipper about all of this,” he said suspiciously.
He’d suspected that Kurt had been the one to go to the media with his story,
but he hadn’t pressed the issue because he assumed if it was Kurt, he’d had his
best interests at heart. However, Kurt seemed almost excited at the newfound
fame in a way that made Blaine’s heart suddenly hurt. What if Kurt only wanted
him because of his popularity and fame?
No, that was ridiculous. He was just paranoid because of all the extra
attention he’d received today.
“It’s weird, okay,” Kurt admitted. “I’m not going to say it’s not strange
having all of McKinley and my old school friending me on Facebook like we’ve
been best friends all along or having my ask box filled with questions about
Klaine — that’s our name by the way. They’ve couplized our names already!
Lauren sent me a fan-fic starring us, it’s the most ridiculous thing ever. The
fame, the fan-fic was actually quite nice. They got your characterization
pretty spot on—”
“Kurt,” he interrupted, trying to steer the conversation back on topic.
“Listen, in a perfect world, none of this would have happened,” Kurt admits,
causing Blaine’s heart to break over what he’s putting Kurt through just to be
his boyfriend. “But if being with you means putting up with all of this stuff,
then I’ll do it a million times over. I love you whether you end up on a
Wheaties box or are some homeless hobo on the street. Okay?”
“So you’re not going to run for the hills because of this?” he asked, only half
joking.
“Of course not. Are you regretting doing that interview?”
“Why? Are you feeling guilty for getting me the interview?” Blaine ignored his
question in favor of his own.
“I did — How did you know?” Kurt asked, surprised.
“I didn’t,” he chuckled. “But I had my suspicions.”
“Are you mad?”
Blaine really thought about it. He thought back to his life before today when
the only people that knew who he was were his friends and a small community of
swimming fans. He thought back to his life before the sex tape came out. He
hadn’t been much happier then, constantly dealing with bullies at school
without Kurt there to really help him get by. Maybe things were difficult and
awkward now, but his life had pretty much always been difficult. Even the great
parts — the nights spent “living the dream” as the picture perfect high
schooler — had been shadowed in secrecy and lies.
No, he was better off now. He was happier now. He’d done that interview to make
a difference and he had. All day today people had been coming up to tell him
how his interview with Ellen — all five and a half minutes he’d been on screen
— had helped them. He’d helped that young girl, Allison, get away from a toxic
school environment. There was another swimmer who confessed to him that he was
thinking about coming out because of Blaine. His dad had been asked by some
mother how she could be more accepting of her gay daughter.
There were more stories than Blaine could count, all of them telling him that
he had done the right thing. It was hard to go on TV and talk about his past
with Ellen. It had been hard to let MTV come to McKinley and go through his
phone and computer for the worst of the comments he’d been sent. He didn’t
regret it though. He couldn’t, not when it was doing something good for other
people.
“I’m not mad,” Blaine responded, finally. “I don’t really understand why you
didn’t just tell me about it, but I’m not mad. I know you had good intentions.”
“The best intentions, Blaine. Always,” he said, sounding choked up. “You just
kept talking about how you wanted to be able to make a difference to people.
Then Puck mentioned that getting your story out might get you back on the
national team and I just wanted to be able to help.”
“But why didn’t you tell me that you were going to try and help me?” Blaine
asked, not angry but curious. If they were going to build a lasting
relationship, they couldn’t be afraid to talk about these kinds of things. Kurt
shouldn’t feel like he had to go behind his back just to help him.
“I didn’t want you to feel helpless,” he confessed. “And I wanted you to feel
like you could say no if you really didn’t want to do it and I wasn’t sure that
you would if you knew I’d been the one to set it up.”
“But you sent my story off to people without asking me if it was okay?” Blaine
asked, careful to keep his voice non-accusing.
“I did,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have and it was overstepping
my boundaries and you’ll probably hate me forever. I just knew you’d say no if
I asked you but I knew… I knew how much this could help you and I could see how
much you wanted something like Ellen, a chance to redeem yourself, even if you
were too afraid to admit it. So I just… I didn’t ask you. I’m really sorry.”
“I’m not mad,” Blaine said. “I just… next time, I need you to trust me more to
make my own decisions. I’m stronger now than I was before. I’m not too
embarrassed to ask for help and I’m not so weak that I can’t stand up for
what’s right. I need you to not treat me like something that will break. But
I’m not mad at you for what happened. I’m kind of grateful.”
“Yeah?” Kurt asked in disbelief.
“Yeah,” he said with a smile. “Besides, all this attention will probably calm
down soon right?”
“I’m not so sure that it will. I mean, you were on the Justin Bieber episode of
Ellen so naturally every pre-teen girl in America saw your interview,” Kurt
explained.
Blaine let the words sink it for awhile; really trying to understand what it
was Kurt was saying to him. He was making it sound like this was more than just
swimming fans getting a little worked up that one of their own had been
targeted. It was almost like Kurt was trying to tell him that this was bigger
than that.
“It’s getting pretty late here and my tutor is making me take a final tomorrow
morning, but I wanted to tell you something before I went to bed,” Kurt said.
Blaine hummed a response to let Kurt know that he was listening.
“Dalton called the house today,” Kurt said. “They’re lifting my expulsion. It’s
too late to go back this year because they are in the middle of finals, but I
can return next year if I want to.”
“I thought you broke the moral code or whatever?” he asked, shocked and
suddenly feeling panicked though he didn’t understand why.
It wasn’t like Kurt would be leaving Blaine to go to Dalton this time. He
wasn’t at McKinley anymore. He couldn’t return to McKinley because it wasn’t
safe and Kurt needed to go to a school. He deserved more than home schooling
for his senior year. Why did the thought of Kurt returning to Dalton make him
feel like he suddenly couldn’t breathe?
“The official statement from them is that they found out I wasn’t at fault for
posting the video once they’d been made aware that Evan was responsible for
this and decided to overturn their ruling on the matter,” Kurt said. “Though
they made it pretty clear when they expelled me that it wasn’t the posting of
the video that got me expelled but the having sex in public that did. So if I
had to guess, I’m assuming the school got bad press after your interview came
out and people figured out that the school you talked about on Ellen was
Dalton.”
“So you’re going back, then?” Blaine asked, trying not to sound as worried as
he felt. Honestly, there was no reason to panic. Just because they’d be going
to schools that were two hours apart from one another didn’t mean they wouldn’t
see each other. Right?
“I don’t know,” Kurt said. “It’s not like I can go back to McKinley, right? And
Jeff and Nick still text me a lot, I’d have at least two friends there. With
Evan gone, would it be that bad?”
“Why are you asking me?” he said with a forced chuckle.
“I don’t know,” Kurt said. “I guess I just wanted my senior year to be magical
and spent with you, but I know you can’t transfer to Dalton. We don’t even have
a swim team which is ridiculous because we do have a very expensive pool.”
“We,” he repeated. “Looks like you’ve already made up your mind.”
“You’re not upset, are you?” Kurt asked. Before Blaine could respond with a
resounding yes! Of course he was upset; he wanted to be with his boyfriend, a
man tapped him on his shoulder.
“Mr. Anderson,” he said, causing Blaine to turn around, about to tell whoever
had decided to come over and ask for an autograph that unfortunately, he was a
little busy at the moment. His mouth fell open when he saw who was standing in
front of him.
None other than Chuck Wielgus, the Executive Director of USA Swimming.
“A moment of your time, please,” he said and Blaine knew better than to keep
the man waiting.
He didn’t know him, not really. There had been a dinner last year after the
Pan-Pacific Championships where all of Team USA had gone out to eat with Mr.
Wielgus, but that dinner had over fifty guests. He hadn’t even spoken to the
man that night. He knew that if the head of all of USA Swimming wanted to speak
to him, it had to be important — be it good news or bad news.
Oh God, he really hoped it wasn’t bad news.
“Kurt, I’m going to have to call you back,” Blaine said, quickly hanging up the
phone before Kurt could even get in a proper goodbye. He hoped Kurt wouldn’t be
mad at him once he explained the situation.
“Mr. Wielgus, how can I help you?” he asked, trying to be as polite as
possible.
“Why don’t you join me for a late bite to eat,” the man said gesturing towards
the restaurant in the hotel. “It’s been a long day and I’m afraid I haven’t had
a chance to eat dinner yet.”
“Of course,” Blaine agreed, following behind the man as they were lead to a
private booth in the back of the restaurant where, hopefully, nobody would try
and take his picture or bother him — this was too important of a meeting.
“Relax, Blaine,” he said after they both ordered and he settled back into his
seat. Blaine still sat up as straight as he could, trying to remember every bit
of his manners. “Nobody is here to yell at you.”
“With all due respect, sir, why am I here, then?” Blaine asked, proud of
himself for how strong his voice sounded, despite how terrified he was. His
heart was beating so hard, you’d have thought he’d just finished his race
seconds ago rather than a few hours ago.
“I’m going to be honest with you,” he said, pausing for a moment and Blaine
felt like he was going to be sick. He was sure that the man was going to tell
him he was barred from the pool for life or something equally as horrible.
“I saw your interview on Ellen,” he continued in a voice Blaine couldn’t read.
“I’ve also previewed the special you’ve got coming up on MTV.”
Oh God, was he not supposed to do interviews? He didn’t know the protocol.
Obviously when national team swimmers had appearances, they were usually
scheduled through USA Swimming’s PR department, but Blaine wasn’t on the
national team anymore. Was he going to get in trouble for planning something on
his own?
“I’m sorry; I just wanted to help stop bullying in schools. I didn’t mean to
cause any problems,” he quickly said, causing the older man to laugh.
He wished he’d had the foresight to tell Mr. Wielgus that he wanted his father
present for this spontaneous meeting because Blaine wasn’t sure he’d be able to
defend himself without digging himself deeper into a hole.
“You’ve caused some problems, sure,” Mr. Wielgus said. “But I was hoping this
dinner could help us move past them.”
“You were?” he asked, trying hard not to get too excited for fear that it would
all be taken away from him at any moment.
“My job isn’t to condemn every kid that ever makes a mistake,” Mr. Wielgus
explained patiently. “I’m not here to hand out expulsions and suspensions for
every little thing. I’ve always been sympathetic to your case. You’re an
amazing swimmer and we’ve been watching your successes closely for the last few
years.”
“You have?” he asked.
“Do you question everything anyone ever tells you?” Mr. Wielgus laughed, but it
was good natured and helped make Blaine feel a bit more comfortable.
“I’m sorry, I guess I’m just a little confused,” Blaine confessed. “It’s been a
strange day.”
“I can imagine,” he said. “It’s been quite a day for me, too. See, I had a meet
thrown off schedule when close to two hundred athletes decided to register at
the last minute, despite the heavy fines put in place to prevent such a thing
from happening.”
Blaine gave him a sympathetic look, though he honestly wasn’t sure what to say.
Were they going to exchange small talk now about the stresses of the day? He
wasn’t sure he could navigate that kind of a conversation. He’d rather Mr.
Wielgus just get to the point.
“Do you know what each of those athletes said when they registered?” he asked
placing his elbows on the table and clasping his hands together.
Blaine shrugged. He had no idea how somebody just up and registered for a huge
swim meet like that when most swimmers had had this meet planned for months.
“They did it because of you,” he said, pointing right at Blaine. “When they
paid the extra fines, they made a point to say they thought the money should go
towards taking you to Worlds.”
“Me?” he asked, confused. “How is that… I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“No, you really don’t, do you? But that’s all part of the appeal, I assume,”
Mr. Wielgus said with a chuckle.
“You see, it’s my job to look out for the entire sport of swimming. Anything
that happens to any swimmer across the country, ultimately, is my
responsibility. I hope you understand that and don’t think of me as a villain,”
he continued. “I never wanted to see you not make it to Worlds. However, when
all of this came up, I had to think about the good of the whole sport. We had
to remove you from the team. It was just too big of an image problem and with
our PR department still fielding calls about the sexual abuse scandal last
year; we didn’t feel it was a risk worth taking.”
“I understand,” Blaine said, nodding along even though it felt like his entire
world had just come crashing down around him.
He’d hoped that going public with the truth would help get him back on the
team, but he’d just made too big of a mistake. USA Swimming couldn’t have a
national athlete with a sex tape. They certainly couldn’t have a minor with
one, not after all those coaches had been banned for life after molesting
girls. There was an image problem about swimming being too sexualized for kids
to safely get involved in and Blaine, unknowingly, had done something to
perpetuate that.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t think you were worth it,” Mr. Wielgus clarified, but
it didn’t make him feel any better.
“Well, thank you, I guess,” Blaine said, willing himself not to cry.
“We were wrong to remove you from the team,” he said causing Blaine’s head to
snap up fast.
“I’m sorry?” he asked, confused.
“I was incredibly proud of how composed you were during the interview with
Ellen and impressed that you didn’t say anything negative against us when you
would have been well within your rights to do so after we unfairly took you off
the team.”
“Unfairly, sir?”
“I’ve talked about it with the other executives as well as the coaches. We’d
like to offer you your spot back on the national team,” Mr. Wielgus said and it
felt like every gold medal he’d ever earned had been awarded at once on
Christmas morning, like the day Kurt had come into his life.
He was embarrassed to say that he might have broken down in happy tears in
front of Mr. Wielgus, but he’d never admit it to anybody if they ever asked.
****
If there was one thing Blaine had learned this year, it was that he had to
fight for the things that he loved. He couldn’t just be a bystander in his own
life. If he wanted something, he needed to take action, and what he wanted was
Kurt. He wanted Kurt at McKinley so that they could finally be together like
they were always meant to. He wanted to be able to walk hand-in-hand down the
hallway with Kurt at his side so they could keep each other strong and protect
each other from the harsh realities of life.
If he was serious though — if he really wanted Kurt to come back to McKinley —
it would have to be safe. There would have to be a zero-tolerance policy when
it came to bullying and unfortunately even the lawsuit the Hummel’s had filed
wasn’t making the school change its ways.
He was going to have to fight hard if he wanted Kurt to come back to McKinley
instead of going Dalton next year and he knew just what he had to do.
At the end of every year, the school had an assembly to honor the successes of
the student body. Academic teams, art clubs and especially athletics were
honored as everybody celebrated the awards students had won for the school that
year. Unsurprisingly, swimming took center stage — Blaine took center stage.
It wasn’t customary for students to make speeches, but Blaine had connections
to the president of the A/V Club and it had only taken a box of chocolate for
Lauren to agree to get him a microphone and video screen. So there, on the last
day of school, with the entire student body watching, Blaine stood up and
demanded a change.
He showed a ten minute video full of pictures of himself battered and bruised
post Sadie Hawkins dance. There were clips from his interview with both Ellen
and MTV. Other students were filmed confessing to horrible things that had been
done to them while at McKinley. After it was all over, Blaine took to the
microphone and reminded the students that if they wanted bullying to stop in
their school, they needed to take a stand.
Then he did something that had the potential to get him into a lot of trouble
if it didn’t work — he told the entire student body that if they wanted to know
why kids were still being bullied at a school that should be their safe place,
it was because their principal refused to enforce anti-bullying policies.
Afterward, the students all were convinced, but Figgins wasn’t.
“Mr. Anderson, my office, now,” he said and people began to boo as Blaine was
led to the principal’s office.
“You can’t just disrupt an assembly and get students riled up like that,”
Figgins lectured him. “Do you not remember the sex riots that followed after
the New Directions performed Britney Spears at the beginning of the year? It
was madness. You created mass chaos in the school.”
“With all due respect, sir, if anybody has created mass chaos in the school
it’s you,” Blaine said boldly, trying to ignore the little voice in his head
that always told him to be polite and mind his elders.
This wasn’t something he could just bite his tongue about. There was injustice
happening and he couldn’t trust any adults to handle this for him. He finally
saw what Kurt had been hinting at so long ago when he’d first transferred to
Dalton. If the school was ever going to change their policy, he was going to
have to be the one to ask for it. He was the student that single-handedly
brought in thousands of dollars in donations to the booster club. He was the
student that the school wouldn’t be able to let walk out the door with little
more than a ‘good luck at your new school.’ If there was a single person that
could convince the school to change their ways, it was him.
“Mr. Anderson,” Figgins said, clearly annoyed but trying to seem like he had
things under control. “It’s the last day of school and I’m sure the thought of
summer has you feverish. Why don’t we just agree never to do something like
that again and you can enjoy your summer vacation?”
“No,” he said. “You can establish an anti-bullying policy that actually works
or I’ll enroll at a new school next year.”
His voice sounded confident, but there was part of him that didn’t know if he
was doing the right thing. He hadn’t even talked to his parents about the
possibility of transferring. He knew that his dad would be upset if he left the
top performing school in the state, though with the Olympics coming up it
wouldn’t be the worst thing if Blaine had to miss out on a year of high school
swimming and just trained with his coach in Dublin instead.
Oh God, what if Figgins didn’t change his mind and he actually had to leave? He
wouldn’t get to go to school with Puck, Sam or Mike anymore. Where would he go?
Would his dad let him go to Dalton with Kurt? Probably not, the school was too
far away from where his swim team practiced.
Maybe Blaine hadn’t thought his threat all the way through…
“Mr. Anderson—” Figgins said, sounding horrified.
Blaine was tempted to take it back, but he couldn’t. Not when there was a
possibility that this could work. He could get Figgins to change and Kurt could
come back. Kurt would be safe and they’d be together. More importantly, every
student at school would be safe.
“Do you really think that there will still be sponsors to paint the gymnasium,
repave the parking lot, or even put in a new sound system in the aquatic center
if I leave?” Blaine said, wondering where he’d found this strength from. A few
months ago, the thought of standing up to an adult, of disappointing people
would have had him near tears.
“McKinley is your home. If you’re having trouble with bullying, we can help
you,” Figgins said kindly and it only caused Blaine to snort. Where was this
compassion when Kurt was sitting in this seat and Mr. Hummel was threatening to
pull his kid out of school?
“I don’t want you to just help me, I want you to do your job as an educator and
protect your entire student body,” Blaine said angrily. “Do you know how easy
it was to get people to film that video? Every person I asked has been slushied
at least once, pushed into a locker, or called horrible names. This isn’t a
safe school and the fact that you only care about protecting your athletes —
most of whom are the problem — is disturbing.”
“I want to help you, but my hands are tied,” Figgins argued. “This is a
decision the school board has to make.”
“Well, make them do it,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound too much like a
petulant child.
“I don’t control the school board,” Figgins said with a tired shake of his
head.
“I wish you luck next year,” Blaine said, bitterly, moving to stand up so he
could leave. “I hope my leaving doesn’t cause another image problem at this
school. I know it must have been hard when everyone saw on Ellen how
ineffective the school was at protecting students.”
“You can’t blackmail me. I’m the principal of your school,” he gasped in
horror.
“Not my school,” Blaine said with a shake of his head. “Not until you don’t
figure out a way to change things.”
“I don’t understand where this is coming from. You’ve always been such a polite
boy,” Figgins said, confused.
“I told you what it would take to convince me to stay. You’ve got the whole
summer to figure out what you want to do about it,” he said and walked towards
the door. Just as his hand was pushing the door open, Figgins spoke up.
“If I convince the school board to change their mind, you have to promise me to
stay on the swim team here until you graduate. Coach Roz mentioned that you
might have to take a year off to train for the Olympics. That wouldn’t be very
good for the school.”
Blaine smirked because he’d never intended to quit the team, even if he did
have to train. Coach Roz was more than capable of getting him into Olympic
shape. This was the easiest compromise he’d ever have to make.
“Deal,” he said with a smile as he left the office and tried to keep himself
from dancing until he was well out of view of Figgin’s office.
He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text message to Kurt so he could know
the good news.
To Kurt:
Looks like you’ll be able to join me at McKinley after all ;)
He got a response almost immediately.
To Blaine:
?????????????????
To Kurt:
I’ll stop by on my way home to explain.
He was cleaning out his locker, trying to contain his excitement at getting
Figgins to cave on his resistance to a bullying policy when Finn approached
him.
“What you did today was really cool,” Finn said, shifting awkwardly on his feet
and looking like he wanted to flee.
“Thanks,” Blaine said slowly, unsure of where this was going.
They had dropped a lot of their outright feud over the last few months, but
they still hadn’t transitioned into friendly territory. Blaine wasn’t sure that
would ever happen, but Finn standing here attempting to have a normal
conversation that wasn’t forced by one of their coaches was certainly new.
“Kurt told me that you like to sing,” Finn said.
“Did he?” he drawled for lack of a better thing to say. He wasn’t upset that
Kurt talked to Finn about him, but he was certainly suspicious about why Finn
would care.
“I was thinking that maybe it’s time you and I stopped fighting one another,”
Finn said. “I mean if you’re going to be dating my brother, you’ll be around a
lot more and this whole thing is kind of stupid to begin with, you know?”
“Okay,” he said slowly, carefully choosing his words until he really understood
where Finn was going with this.
“The Glee Club went to Nationals last week… I mean we lost… but we were really
good… we could be better… maybe you could… we could really use some new talent
to help us win next year,” Finn explained, awkwardly tripping over his words.
“Kurt says you’re a good singer and I already know Puck and Sam can sing. Maybe
you guys might want to join us.”
“I’m not sure Puck would think that’s a good idea,” he said, putting the last
of his notebooks into his bag and grabbing his textbooks to return to the
library so his summer vacation could officially begin.
“I know that Puck and I have had our differences, but if I talk to him would
you come?” Finn asked.
“Honestly? I don’t know. Maybe?” he said, walking towards the library and
giving Finn an amused look when he followed him.
“Glee’s really fun,” Finn said. “I know it’s got a bad rep at this school, but
it’s nice. Everyone’s a family and they really support one another. I think
you’d like it. I know… I know I haven’t always been the most welcoming to you,
and I’msorryIouttedyou.”
“What was that?” he said, knowing perfectly well what Finn had said but wanting
to hear him admit it louder. It had been two years since it happened and the
only thing he’d ever wanted from Finn was for him to admit he was wrong and
apologize.
“I said, I outted you and I get that that was wrong,” Finn said, unable to meet
his eye. “I just want us to start over. I think we might be pretty good friends
if we tried.”
“Well, like I said, you’ll have to talk to Puck,” he said, smiling a bit more
now that Finn had finally confessed to his wrongdoing. It didn’t erase all the
bullying Blaine had endured at Finn’s hands, but Blaine was guilty of several
uncalled for and incredibly hurtful comments of his own so he figured they
could call it even.
“On it,” Finn said.
“And I’ll still have to look at my swimming schedule. The Olympics are next
summer so I’ll be really busy trying to prepare,” he said.
“Right, cool,” Finn said. “I heard you were going to try to do that. Why don’t
you just try it out? We’re having a fun practice today at 2 in the auditorium.
Nothing formal since Nationals is over. You could try it out and see if you
like it?”
“If Puck goes, I’ll go,” Blaine said, saying goodbye and pushing through the
library doors, leaving Finn out in the hallway.
****
“I can’t believe you’re agreeing to this,” Blaine said as Puck led the way
towards the auditorium that afternoon with Lauren at his side and Sam slowly
following after them as he did Christopher Walken impressions.
“I know he’s done some shitty stuff, but he used to be my best friend before
you came along. If he’s man enough to apologize to us, we should at least give
him a chance,” Puck said as he pushed the doors to the auditorium open and the
opening chords of ‘Just Dance’ hit them.
They all stood to the back and watched as Santana, Brittany and Quinn took lead
on the song. Seeing three girls he’d always gotten along with well enough put
him a bit at ease. They’d been to enough parties together to have shared a few
conversations and Brittany was actually in several of his classes since she was
held back in Sophomore Science and Math. They kept to the back and watched
quietly as everyone danced around in a carefree performance that lacked any
choreography. Finn wasn’t lying, they were clearly just singing for fun,
nothing serious.
The girls spotted them by the time the chorus hit and smiled, waving them over.
Sam headed to the stage almost immediately, as did Puck and Lauren. Blaine’s
took a few steps forward, but it felt like his body was glued in place. He
wanted to keep his distance, still unsure if this was somewhere he’d really be
welcome like Finn had said. He’d always secretly dreamed of being able to
perform, to belt out the music he felt so passionate about, but he never
thought joining Glee Club would actually be a possibility.
New Directions were talented; he had to admit as he watched the way Santana and
Brittany danced across the stage like professionals. The girl’s voices weren’t
perfect, but he could tell with some more practice they would be. They were
good. They lacked organization, which was clearly why they’d lost Nationals,
but they were good.
Blaine was surprised when Mike and Tina popped up next to him and grabbed his
hands, dragging him to the stage as they took over the second verse as a duet.
They were adorably sweet together like they always were. Mike was one of his
closest friends and by extension Tina had become a good friend as well. They
quickly made him laugh as he got pulled onto the stage. He was thankful they
were there because it made everything more comfortable.
He looked over to find that Puck, Lauren and Sam hadn’t taken quite so long to
find their places in the group. Sam could get along with almost anybody given
enough time. Lauren couldn’t be intimidated by anything. Puck… well this used
to be Puck’s group. He was a part of New Directions once upon a time, and
Blaine was happy to see that he fit back in easily, almost like he’d never
left.
Blaine was surprised when Finn and Rachel came on for the rap part because it
was clearly not their area of expertise, but then again this whole thing wasn’t
for a competition. It was just a bunch of friends getting together to act silly
and have fun. Which, he had to admit, he was actually having. Instead of
laughing at Finn’s inability to dance like he usually would, he was dancing
with him.
He never pictured this being something he’d enjoy, not with Finn at least. But
as the bridge hit and everyone started circling around him and encouraging him
to sing, he realized that this might actually work. He could join the New
Directions and be a part of this group of crazy, mismatched kids that sung
around the school at odd times and got slushied on a daily basis without
caring.
Most importantly? Kurt would be in the Glee Club next year and he’d be able to
do something he enjoyed with his friends and his boyfriend at the same time.
He allowed himself to start singing the chorus and couldn’t help but smile as
Mike grabbed his hand and twirled him around until they were swing dancing
together.
“What is happening?” Blaine asked with a laugh, feeling slightly ridiculous but
enjoying it.
“New Directions baby,” Mike responded with a happy chuckle before letting go of
Blaine to throw his hands up in the air and belt out the last line of the song
before it ended and they all clapped and pulled each other into hugs.
“So what did you think, Swimmer-Boy?” Santana asked with a cocky smirk.
Blaine felt Puck turn to look at him, trying to gage his reaction. When Blaine
simply shrugged, he pulled him into a head lock and started giving Blaine a
noogie.
“Come on Blainers, say you loved it,” Puck teased him as he tried to shove him
off.
“Fuck you, Puckerman,” Blaine said with a laugh, but when he pulled away, he
couldn’t help but smile.
“It was pretty fun, I guess,” he said, trying to sound nonchalant.
“We did Lady Gaga week last year to celebrate our individuality when Figgins
tried to tell Tina she couldn’t dress however she liked,” Rachel said, coming
to the front of the group with Finn to take charge.
“You inspired us today to do Gaga again,” Finn said. “So what do you say? With
a team like this we can’t lose Nationals...”
Later on that night, while Kurt is complaining about Blaine and Finn doing Lady
Gaga without him, Blaine is more than happy to remind him that they’ll have an
entire year of duets together to look forward to next year.
An entire year together: singing, swimming and just enjoying each other’s
company. That’s what they’d both fought hard for and Blaine was over the moon.
He had everything he’d ever wanted.
***** Chapter 25 *****
After eighteen hours on a plane and a two hour layover in Toronto, Kurt
couldn’t have been more relieved to be finally touching down in Shanghai. As
much as he loved Blaine, it was a toss up if he was more excited to see his
boyfriend or to lie down in a real bed. The bed might win out. Despite their
early wakeup to get to the airport in time, he’d been unable to sleep on the
first plane because the flight was so short and he was squeezed in between the
window and an overweight man that would not stop yelling at the flight
attendant for one thing or another. By the second flight, Mr. Anderson had
offered him the aisle so that he could have a bit more space, but there had
been a lot of turbulence and with the lights constantly being turned off to
simulate the time zone in Shanghai then back on again for meals and snacks
every two hours, he’d been unable to sleep.
Even with all these problems, Kurt was happy. Not only was he about to see his
boyfriend who had been away for the month for training, but he had been able to
spend some time alone with the Andersons and, surprisingly enough, they seemed
to be enjoying Kurt’s company. While they hadn’t liked him in the beginning,
Mr. and Mrs. Anderson seemed to have gotten over their initial disdain for him
over the last few months and it was nice to spend some time getting to know his
boyfriend’s parents since Blaine knew the Hummels so well.
He’d fully expected to spend the entire trip with only Angeli to talk to, but
that wasn’t the case. In fact, Mr. Anderson had spent a lot of the flight
asking Kurt’s advice on how he could help Blaine participate in Glee club at
school without disrupting his training schedule too much. He wanted to be
supportive of anything Blaine wanted to do. Kurt was impressed; a few months
ago he never would have pictured Mr. Anderson even mentioning Glee Club or
acknowledging that his son had a boyfriend or any passions apart from swimming.
Kurt wasn’t sure what he expected to see when he got off of the plane, but it
was something along the lines of jade floors and gold oriental dragons on red
walls. He’d been prepared for some red lanterns hanging from the ceiling at the
very least. The fact that the airport looked exactly like the one back home was
a bit anti-climatic. They made their way through the long line at customs and
once they were through to baggage claim, Kurt noted that though the usual Jamba
Juices and Sharper Image stores were replaced with Chinese restaurants and
souvenir shops that seemed to have put pandas on every product imaginable,
Shanghai didn’t appear to be that different.
It wasn’t until they got outside with all of their baggage and were making
their way to the cab stand that he was hit with his first taste of culture
shock. He was overwhelmed by the amount of Mandrarin — or was it Shanghainese —
he still wasn’t entirely sure which it was. Not that it would matter, there was
no way he’d be picking up more than a handful of words on this trip. He’d
picked up French incredibly fast and he’d assumed that meant he was good at
learning languages, but Chinese was so difficult to pronounce correctly and
he’d given up about two weeks after his dad and Mr. Anderson worked out an
agreement to allow him to come to Shanghai.
“You get used to it,” Angeli whispered into his ear. “I felt the same way when
I first moved to America.”
Kurt nodded as the four of them loaded into a cab and made their way to the
hotel.
“Blaine’s probably still at practice,” Mr. Anderson said after checking his
watch. “Why don’t you guys wait here with the bags and I’ll go get us checked
in?”
Kurt sighed and dropped his bag to the floor, dead tired, as he looked over to
the long line at the check in counter. It looked like he was going to have to
wait awhile before he was finally allowed to fall into bed.
“You’re here!” he heard a familiar voice yell a few minutes later. He turned to
see Blaine practically run through the door.
Kurt nearly fell over at the force Blaine ran into him, barely hanging onto the
both of them as Blaine’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He settled his
arms around Blaine’s shoulders and relished in the feeling of Blaine snuggling
into his neck and breathing him in.
“I’ve missed you,” Blaine said softly so that only he could hear him.
Thirty days apart was too long, even with Skype dates and care packages sent to
each other to make the distance easier. Blaine had left in the middle of June
for two international meets in California before heading off to Colorado
Springs to train with Team USA at the Olympic Training Center before Worlds.
Nearly a month later, Kurt had been going stir crazy at home waiting for July
14th to hit so that he could get to Shanghai and see his boyfriend. Sure, he
had his own group of friends to hang out with now in Lauren and Puck as well as
a lot of the New Directions, but it wasn’t quite the same as being with Blaine.
“Me, too,” he said, moving his head a bit so that he could kiss Blaine’s temple
before he pulled away to hug his mother and aunt.
“I’m so glad you’re all here,” he said with a smile bright enough to cure
cancer. “Where’s Dad?” he asked, searching the lobby.
“He’s still checking us all in,” his mother said, running her hand through his
still wet hair, barely able to keep her hands to herself. Kurt knew she had
missed her son just as much as he had. She had been worrying over him
constantly the entire plane ride, claiming that he’d never been out of the
country alone before.
“We just got back from practice,” Blaine said, explaining his wet hair. “We’re
free for the rest of the day. Where’s Coop?”
“He got stuck in LA,” his mom said. “He was supposed to get in when we did, but
there’s a typhoon going through Japan and his flight had a layover in Tokyo so
they cancelled his flight. Your dad tried to get him on another flight today
but most of the flights to Shanghai were booked so he couldn’t get another
ticket until Saturday.”
“He’s still coming though, right?” Blaine asked, insecurely. Things had changed
drastically in Blaine’s family over the last few months and everyone had grown
to be more accepting of each other. However, Kurt knew Blaine was worried
because he hadn’t seen Cooper since Christmas and the constant need to prove
himself to his brother would always be present.
“Of course,” his mother reassured him.
Angeli muttered something in Tagalog that caused Blaine and his mother to
chuckle.
“You’re probably right,” Blaine said turning to explain what he’d missed. “He’s
going to make it his life’s mission to embarrass us. We should enjoy the calm
before the storm that is Cooper.”
“You forget, I’ve already met Cooper,” Kurt said. “I know what I’m in for.”
“Are you hungry?” his mom asked. “We can go out to eat?”
“If you’re not too tired?” Blaine asked, sounding hopeful. “I haven’t eaten
since this morning and I’m starving.”
The truth was Kurt was exhausted; however seeing Blaine again had given him his
second wind. He wasn’t about to go to sleep when he had only just gotten Blaine
back.
“Are you eating enough? You know that you burn too many calories in the pool to
skip meals,” his mother said, giving him a worried look.
“I’m surrounded by physical therapists and nutritionists, I’m perfectly
healthy,” Blaine said with a loving roll of his eyes.
“Dayong, it’s a Filipina mother’s job to fuss over you,” Angeli said, poking
him playfully in the stomach.
“Mahal Kita,” Blaine said out of nowhere with a blissful sigh that probably
meant he’d missed his family more than he’d let on before. It was one of the
few phrases Kurt had picked up over the months spent at Angeli’s coffee shop.
It meant I love you.
She pulled Blaine into another half hug before he pulled back and said, “I’m
just going to go upstairs and change really quick. We’re only supposed to wear
our warmups on official outings.”
Blaine took a single step towards the elevator before turning to look at Kurt
like he couldn’t fathom having to let him out of his sight.
“Want to see my room?” Blaine added thoughtfully.
“Is that allowed,” he asked, knowing that Mr. Anderson had said Blaine would
have a lot of strict rules to follow in regards to visitors and his free time.
“Sure, so long as it’s not past curfew or the day of a meet,” Blaine explained.
“Besides, I’m sure you’ll be waiting for your room awhile. Check-in has been
taking forever.”
“Okay,” Kurt said, trying not to blush since Mrs. Anderson and Angeli were
right there. It wasn’t like they were going to have sex — that was still off
the table for them — but Blaine’s family didn’t know that and he didn’t want
them thinking that he was taking advantage of Blaine.
Blaine took his hand and led him toward the elevators, unable to contain his
smile.
“I’ve been counting down the days until you got here,” Blaine said, crowding
him back into the corner as the elevator doors shut, leaving them in complete
privacy. “I missed you,” he whispered into his ear.
“I missed you, too,” Kurt said, closing the distance between them. The second
their lips met, Kurt felt the familiar spark of electricity go through his body
like it did every time they were together.
“My roommate went to lunch,” Blaine said, breathlessly, as he bit his lip.
“Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Anderson?” he said, batting his eyelashes in
the way he knew drove Blaine crazy.
The elevator stopped, signaling they’d reached their floor and Blaine pulled
back to a less incriminating distance.
“Mr. Wielgus, Coach Busch!” Blaine said, sounding startled, as they exited the
elevator and ran into two older men, both wearing Team USA polos.
“Blaine,” one of the men said cautiously looking Blaine and Kurt over.
“Oh, sorry, this is my boyfriend Kurt,” Blaine said, gesturing to Kurt who
stuck his hand out to shake their hands. “Kurt, this is Mr. Wielgus, the CEO of
USA Swimming and Coach Busch, our athletic director.”
“Nice to meet you gentlemen,” he said politely.
“And you, as well,” Mr. Wielgus said with a smile, but Coach Busch remained
quiet and Kurt could tell he wasn’t thrilled.
“Kurt just got in with my parents a little bit ago. We’re getting ready to go
to lunch,” Blaine explained.
“So this is the infamous Kurt,” Mr. Wielgus said. “I have to confess, I might
have stolen one of those cookies you sent Blaine back in Colorado.”
“One? He took five,” Blaine clarified with an easy laugh and Kurt was glad to
see that there didn’t seem to be any lingering hostility over him getting
kicked off the team earlier in the year — at least not from Mr. Wielgus.
“And you were heading to your room?” Coach Busch asked.
“I just need to change before we go. We won’t be long,” Blaine said politely.
“You know, in light of everything that happened, Blaine—” Coach Busch started
before Mr. Wielgus cut him off.
“I think it’s great that you came out to support Blaine.”
Coach Busch shot him a disbelieving look. “Don’t you think they should be
careful considering all the negative press he’s gotten recently?”
“Actually, I think Blaine and Kurt being seen together is the best publicity we
could hope for,” he explained. “It shows that Blaine is in a committed
relationship and wasn’t just being promiscuous.”
Kurt felt his face heat up and looked over to see Blaine just as red. He looked
like he wanted to say something and Kurt felt the need to defend Blaine’s honor
but they both just stood there speechless as Mr. Wielgus put the other man in
his place.
“Have a great day, Blaine,” Mr. Wielgus said as the two men got onto the
elevator. “We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow for practice.”
“Yes, sir,” Blaine managed to sputter out as the door closed on them.
“Well, that was embarrassing,” he said as Blaine led them down the hall towards
his room.
“Coach is being overly strict on everyone, it’s not just me. It’s a stressful
week,” Blaine said, and Kurt could tell that he was trying to convince himself
as much as Kurt. They walked a short distance to the room before Blaine
unlocked the door and stepped aside so Kurt could go in first — ever the
gentleman.
The room was moderately sized. It wasn’t anything special, but then again, Kurt
didn’t really expect them to buy suites for everyone on the team when they’d
already covered the cost of his room and board as well as his flights for the
last month.
“So, I guess you should get ready so we can go eat,” Kurt said, but Blaine just
shook his head and backed Kurt up until he hit the wall.
“We’ve got at least a few minutes before I have to change, let’s enjoy them,”
Blaine said, leaning in to capture his lips.
Kurt instinctively arched into the touch as his hands went up to tangle
themselves in Blaine’s curls as Blaine deepened the kiss. They’d been doing
their best to make their relationship about more than just sex and they had
succeeded. Kurt was more than capable of being in the same room with Blaine
without stripping off all of his clothes. That said, it didn’t change the fact
that his body screamed out in need every time Blaine kissed him.
Blaine’s hands gripped his waist tightly as he kept him pinned against the
wall, preventing his hips from rutting against Blaine like he wanted to. It was
like Blaine knew that Kurt wasn’t able to control himself when he kissed him so
filthily.
“God, I missed you,” he groaned, letting his hand travel down to grip at the
back on Blaine’s shirt, trying to pull him closer in.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Blaine said, panting heavily as Kurt ducked his head to
suck at his pulse point. He could feel Blaine starting to grow hard against his
thigh and all he could think about was yes please, please let him be ready for
more. Right before Blaine had left Ohio for a month, he’d started thinking
about taking the next step with Blaine. He was ready for it and he thought
their relationship was at a good place where they could handle it; he just
needed Blaine to agree.
He continued licking and sucking on Blaine’s skin, still able to taste the
chlorine on it despite the shower he knew he’d had. He could smell the
intoxicating scent of Blaine’s body wash. All of his senses were overwhelmed
and combining together until he was moaning Blaine’s name into his skin and all
the blood had rushed to his overly constricting pants.
He made his way up to nibble onto Blaine’s earlobe as he whispered softly, “I
love you.”
“I love you, too,” Blaine said, still breathless as both of them fumbled around
for a minute before their lips finally found each other’s in a sloppy kiss.
Once he felt Blaine’s body start to go slack against him, Kurt dropped his
hands to Blaine’s hips and began leading them towards the bed, uncertain how
much longer they would be able to keep their legs from giving out. They tumbled
onto the bed, Blaine ending up on top of Kurt before he rolled them over so
that he was pinning Blaine into the mattress. Their erections touched and even
though layers of fabric still separated them, neither one could help the
desperate way they cried out.
Kurt was about to lean back in to kiss Blaine again when he felt him pull away,
the silent signal that he wanted them to stop, or at least slow down. Kurt was
momentarily disappointed. He was ready to start doing more with Blaine than
just heavy kissing and hands roaming above the belt. However, he knew that he
couldn’t rush Blaine into anything that he wasn’t ready for. He had a lot more
issues surrounding sex than Kurt did and if he still needed time to work those
out, Kurt could give him that.
“Sorry… Sorry… I just… need a minute…” Blaine managed to say as he tried to
catch his breath again. “Forgot how good you are at that.”
“I learned from the best,” Kurt said, looking down to his still darkened eyes
and kiss swollen lips. He had to clench his fists in the pillow underneath
Blaine to stop himself from pulling Blaine’s shirt over his head so that he
could kiss his way up his chest, entranced by the heavy rise and fall that he’d
created with little more than kissing. He loved the way that Blaine’s body
always reacted so strongly to him…
No. He had to stop this. Blaine wanted to stop, so they had to stop. He stood
up from the bed in an attempt to separate himself from Blaine so that he
wouldn’t be tempted to push him back down on the bed and have his way with him.
They needed to be cooling off; they were expected downstairs again soon.
“Well I’m just going to use your bathroom to freshen up from the flight. You
should get changed,” Kurt said and hurried to the bathroom with barely a glance
at his boyfriend. He couldn’t keep looking at how sexed-up he looked and not do
anything about it.
Once the door was closed behind him, he looked down at the painful erection in
his pants and had half a mind to jerk off just so that he could get it out of
his system, but he didn’t really feel comfortable getting off with Blaine in
the next room over. Instead he turned the tap on as cold as it could get and
splashed some water onto his face, grateful when he could feel himself starting
to calm down. He looked up in the mirror and wasn’t thrilled to see that he had
dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and his hair was laying pretty
flat after the deadly combination of a long flight and Blaine’s fingers.
He located Blaine’s toiletries bag and pulled out some gel. Usually he
preferred to use hairspray as he felt it gave a more natural look, but beggars
couldn’t be choosers and he didn’t really want to go downstairs to get his own
bags looking like he’d just had sex. He used some face cream as well, but there
wasn’t much he could do about the dark circles but hope they went away after a
good night’s sleep tonight.
There was a tentative knock at the door a few minutes later.
“Kurt?” Blaine asked.
He opened the door, letting Blaine step inside while he went back to playing
with his hair.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine said, looking like he wanted to reach out but didn’t. “I
shouldn’t have let things get that intense.”
“No,” he said, turning around to face him. “We both are guilty of that. There’s
nothing to apologize for.”
“You’re not upset? You seemed kind of…”
“I was just a little worked up,” he admitted. “I just needed a minute to cool
down.”
“Right,” Blaine said, with a sigh of relief. “Me, too.”
“We should go meet your parents, your dad’s probably checked us in by now,” he
said, reaching out to grab Blaine’s hand so they could head back downstairs.
****
Kurt lay on his bed in the hotel room he shared with the Anderson’s, enjoying
going through Blaine’s newest additions to his iPod as Blaine napped on his
chest. It was 4pm and Blaine had already been to two separate practices while
the rest of them had spent the morning relaxing around the hotel, trying to
shake off their jet lag from the day before. Opening Ceremonies were tonight,
so they’d planned to just have dinner at one of the hotel’s restaurants and
take it easy. They were going to be in Shanghai for two and a half weeks, they
could afford to relax a bit. Especially when relaxing involved Kurt getting to
watch Blaine sleep on his chest.
He looked so at peace and it all felt so domestic that Kurt couldn’t help but
imagine a future where they were allowed countless days like this, lazy and
simply enjoying each other’s company. He could already picture the two of them
in a small, shoebox sized apartment in New York that he’d try and decorate
tastefully, but there would only be so much he could do with a limited budget.
They’d struggle because despite Blaine’s recently improved relationship with
his parents, he’d still want to be allowed the experience of struggling through
the first year of New York, living hand to mouth. They’d get by on love and
that would be enough for them.
Of course, that vision of their future was looking less and less likely the
closer Blaine got to actually qualifying for the Olympics. That didn’t really
bother Kurt all that much, though. So long as they got to be together and
Blaine was happy, Kurt would be happy. If this was destined to be his life,
traveling around the world to meet up with his boyfriend at international
meets, then this would be his life.
So long as he was the one that Blaine wanted to wake up next to, they could
make everything else work.
He felt somebody pull one of the headphones out of his ear and looked down;
wondering at what point Blaine had woken up. They made eye contact, but Blaine
didn’t do more than smile at him as he put the headphone in his own ear as they
both settled in to listen to music together, like they’d done countless times
before.
“So this is a lot more upbeat than you were listening to before you left,” Kurt
commented, listening to the album Blaine had downloaded, thinking back to the
last artist Blaine had introduced him to and how mellow it had been. This was
still low key, but the lyrics were a lot more optimistic and were slightly
quirky.
“It’s Katie Herzig,” he explained. “One of the girls on the team introduced me
to it.”
“Let me guess, she heard it on Pretty Little Liars?” Kurt said, only a hint of
teasing in his voice.
“Seriously?” Blaine asked, lifting his head to give him an annoyed look when he
nodded. “Okay, I’m liking it less.”
He laughed and picked up the iPod to shuffle through the other new albums he’d
bought. There were a lot of older artists, which wasn’t quite surprising
considering how much he loved Roxy Music, Queen, David Bowie and even a good
Phil Collins song — but he hadn’t heard a great deal of fifties and sixties
hits from him, yet here he was staring down at recently purchased albums from
Dion, The Drifters, Elvis, The Temptations and even Otis Redding and Aretha
Franklin.
“Where’d everyone else go?” Blaine asked once Kurt had put all the songs on
shuffle so he wouldn’t have to choose one.
“They’re downstairs at the pool,” he said.
Blaine nodded and settled down to listen as Buffalo Springfield began to play
and he couldn’t help but shake his head in amusement that Blaine was listening
to songs that his dad played when he was working at the garage. He wondered if
that wasn’t where Blaine had got the songs from, having come visit Kurt a few
times when he’d been working for some extra cash. He’d been needing to pick up
shifts at the garage a lot more since he’d started dating Blaine again, wanting
to have money to treat Blaine to nice things like Blaine was always able to do
for him.
“I never really paid attention to it much before, but there’s just something
about the sixties,” Blaine said, causing Kurt to lovingly roll his eyes as he
settled in for what was sure to be one of Blaine’s infamous monologues on
music.
“I’m serious,” he said, poking Kurt hard in the stomach. “A lot of it sounds so
wholesome and innocent, but then you get a decent amount of amazing anti-
Vietnam songs that have so much history behind them and don’t even talk to me
about the soul. It can’t even be matched by any of today’s greats….”
Kurt nodded along indulgently, glad that some things never changed. Blaine
could go through a devastating scandal, travel around the world for a swimming
meet and be thrust into an odd sort of fame thanks to an interview with Ellen
and an MTV special, and he’d still be perfectly content lying in bed, sharing a
pair of headphones and geeking out over music.
****
“Are you having New York fantasies?” Blaine came up behind him to whisper into
his ear the following Saturday, as Kurt starred at a collection of photographs
hanging on the wall of the art gallery Blaine had taken him to.
“Well, it’s certainly a million miles from anything we could do in Lima,” he
turned his head slightly to whisper flirtatiously.
“So I did good, then?” Blaine asked, moving around so he was standing in front
of him, careful not to touch him.
“Was this all part of a seduction plan, then?” he asked with a teasing smirk.
“Because if so, I’d have to say yes. You did very, very good.”
His hand reached out to brush against Blaine’s but he pulled it back almost
immediately, stifling the temptation to hold hands. They’d been warned
repeatedly by Blaine’s parents about PDA. In fact, agreeing not to publicly
show any signs of affection was the only reason they’d been allowed to go on
this date in the first place and, even then, Blaine’s family was only a few
blocks over enjoying a day at the spa, just in case there was any trouble.
While the law in China was on their side, they’d been warned that the police
here had a history of harassing gay couples and they were better off being safe
than sorry. So Kurt was stuck shoving his hands in his pockets while he was on
the most romantic date of his life.
It was just so typical that even half a world away from Lima, they still had to
be careful about their relationship.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t gotten to spend that much time with you this past
week,” Blaine said, looking at his feet guiltily.
“What? No,” he said, shaking his hand. “I knew when I agreed to come that you’d
be busy. This isn’t a vacation to you, I understand that.”
As expected, Blaine had been incredibly busy since they’d arrived last week,
and while they’d always found time to share at least one meal a day together,
Kurt had been spending an awful lot of time sightseeing with the Anderson
family while Blaine was left behind balancing practices, meet and greets,
meetings with sponsors, photo shoots and interviews. He’d even been busy
keeping a daily video blog for Team USA’s official website. Kurt wasn’t upset,
he just felt guilty. That was why he was so excited when Blaine mentioned that
he had almost an entire day free for them to spend alone together, exploring
the city. With Blaine’s first heat starting early tomorrow morning, it would be
their only full day together.
“I’ve left you alone with my family for the last 9 days. You’ve had to deal
with Cooper’s inappropriate questions for the last 7,” Blaine said, doubtfully.
“Blaine,” Kurt said with a wave of his hand. “I don’t mind.”
“You’re bonding with my family,” Blaine said, with an understanding nod of his
head.
“Are you jealous?” he asked.
“Kind of,” Blaine said, but there was a small smile on his face that Kurt knew
meant he wasn’t really all that upset.
“Well, we’re spending time together now,” he said, giving him a knowing look.
“We are,” Blaine said with a chuckle. “And are you enjoying yourself?”
“Are you?” he asked, giving him a once over. “You seem kind of… distracted?”
“I’m just nervous about tomorrow,” Blaine admitted. “I really don’t want to
mess up.”
“You won’t,” he said.
“Yeah, that’s what everyone keeps saying,” Blaine said with a sigh.
“Hey,” he said, nudging Blaine with his hip to get him to look up from his
feet. “You’re not going to mess up. And even if you do, it won’t change
anything. Your family will still love you. I will still love you.”
“I know that,” Blaine said.
He gave him a knowing look, because the way that Blaine was fidgeting it didn’t
seem like he did.
“I do know that,” Blaine repeated. “I guess I’m just stressed. Coach is riding
me pretty hard, which I deserve. I’m the rookie and he wants to make sure that
I don’t snap under pressure. Cooper’s here and he’s never been to one of my
meets before. Not since I was little enough that they didn’t even award places,
they just gave everyone ribbons for showing up. And I can’t even…”
“Can’t even what?” he pressed after Blaine trailed off.
“I’m on this romantic date with you that’s supposed to be relieving my stress
and I’m not even allowed to kiss you when I want,” Blaine said with a
frustrated sigh.
“It’s—” Kurt stopped himself before he lied and told Blaine that it was okay.
It wasn’t what Blaine wanted to hear right now and even if it was alright that
they couldn’t kiss each other; it shouldn’t have to be alright.
“What does everyone else do to relieve the stress?” he asked, changing the
subject.
“I don’t know, different stuff I guess,” Blaine shrugged.
“For example?”
“I don’t know, just… stuff,” Blaine said with a blush.
Kurt gave him a peculiar look which only made him blush harder.
“Okay, now you have to tell me,” he said.
“A lot of people have hooked up,” Blaine said quietly. “You know, tamed the
beast.”
“Oh, okay,” he said, a bit surprised, though he wasn’t sure why. Hadn’t he been
thinking that they were ready for awhile now?
“Is that what you wanted? For us to…”
“No, no,” Blaine answered, quickly, shaking his head. “I don’t want us to have
sex just because I’m a little wound up. No. No, of course not. No.”
“Okay,” he said, cutting him off. “Trying not to be offended here because that
was a lot of no’s.”
“We’re waiting,” Blaine said, giving him a strange look. “Aren’t we?”
“Of course,” he said, softening and giving Blaine a fond look. “I love you and
we’re waiting. I’m waiting. I mean, I’m waiting because you’re waiting. So if
you weren’t waiting? Are you still… waiting?”
Kurt felt like running to hide in the bathroom because he knew how idiotic he
sounded, but he just couldn’t stop himself from talking. It was like the louder
his brain yelled ‘shut up’ the more he kept talking.
“Well, we both agreed that was for the best, right?” Blaine said, looking like
he wanted to say more but couldn’t.
“Of course,” he agreed. “I mean there’s no need to rush anything. We’ve got all
the time in the world.”
“Right,” Blaine said and the two of them awkwardly walked in silence to look at
the next set of photographs.
This time the photographs of various people were used as a canvas to a lovely
abstract painting filled with bright colors. It was beautiful. Entrancing. The
perfect distraction to this very, painfully awkward conversation that Kurt just
wanted out of.
“Kurt, are you ready?” Blaine asked after what felt like hours.
“What?” he asked, playing dumb so he could buy himself more time to figure out
how he wanted to respond.
“Because I’m not going to know if you are, you have to tell me,” Blaine said.
“I think I’m ready,” he admitted, staring straight ahead at the painting. “But
only if you’re ready. Because I’m not going to be that guy that makes you feel
like you have to be ready just because I’m ready. So I’m ready when you’re
ready… I’m sorry. I don’t know why I can’t talk about this like a normal
person.”
“Kurt.” Blaine pulled at him until he finally turned away from the painting to
look at him. His eyes were big and so full of love, just like they always were,
and it never failed to put a smile on his face. Even when he was feeling like a
complete idiot for being unable to have a simple talk about his feelings with
his boyfriend — whom he trusted completely.
“Kurt, I’ve known you for nine months and been in love with you for almost as
long, if now’s not the right time, I’m not sure when would be?” Blaine said,
looking up at him hopefully, pleading with him to understand.
“Are you telling me that you’re ready?” he asked, breathlessly, caught up in
Blaine’s words but needing to be completely sure. “Because I told you we can
wait. If you aren’t ready for this, I have no problem waiting until you are.”
“I’m ready,” Blaine said with a happy smile.
“Really?” he asked, holding his breath.
“Really,” Blaine said and Kurt could tell he was being genuine. This wasn’t a
heat of the moment thing. He wasn’t getting caught up in the moment and making
an irrational decision, he could see the sincerity in his eyes.
“Okay,” he responded with an elated laugh.
“Okay,” Blaine repeated.
They both turned back to look at the painting. This time, though, Blaine lay
his head on Kurt’s shoulder, not caring who might see them. It wasn’t like
there were very many people in the gallery today to begin with. They were
pretty safe in this secluded little area. They stood like that for awhile,
taking in all the bright colors, seeing them through a new lens — a happier
lens.
“So… should we go back to the hotel or something?” Kurt asked. “While your
parents are still out?”
“No,” Blaine said with an amused chuckle, causing Kurt pull away and glare at
him.
“But we’re both ready?” he challenged him.
“We are,” Blaine said, nodding in a serene way that made Kurt want to throw
something.
“But you don’t want to now?”
“Kurt, I took your first time for granted,” Blaine said, pulling away and
looking at him with guilt in his eyes.
“That’s not important anymore,” he said with a shake of his head. “We’re
together now.”
“I took your first time for granted,” Blaine repeated, giving him a look that
Kurt knew well. Blaine wasn’t going to be alright until Kurt let him get out
whatever it was he needed to get out. “I had my first time taken for granted.
And the next time we do it, I want it to be everything it should have been. I
want there to be fireworks and rose petals. I want candles and romance. I want
it to be everything those romantic movies say it should be. I don’t want to
just do it with you because we’re both feeling a little worked up. I want to do
this right.”
“So we’re still waiting,” Kurt said, trying not to sound bitter. It wasn’t a
bad thing that he had such a sensitive boyfriend, even if it felt like a
punishment sometimes.
“No, I mean… yes. But not like before. We’re just waiting for a time that feels
right,” Blaine said. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Of course.”
“I really, really want to kiss you right now,” Blaine said.
Kurt looked around to make sure that nobody was watching them, then he grabbed
Blaine’s hand and dragged him into the bathroom, locking the door behind them.
“Okay, this seems very scandalous,” Blaine said, giving him an amused look. “If
I don’t want to do it in a hotel room, what makes you think I’m going to do it
in a dirty bathroom?”
Kurt put a finger to his mouth, silencing his boyfriend who kept looking at him
like he’d gone crazy. Then he leaned in and gave him a very sweet, very gentle
kiss. He let it linger for a few moments before pulling back with a quiet smack
of their lips. He rested his forehead against Blaine’s, intertwining their
hands together like they’d been wanting to do all afternoon.
“I keep thinking that I can’t fall any deeper and then I do,” Blaine whispered.
“Me, too,” he said.
“Not to ruin this, but it’s really disgusting in here,” Blaine said causing
Kurt to burst out laughing and agree.
“We should go meet my grandparents,” Blaine said, looking down at his watch.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re taking me to dinner first. Then we’ll
go meet your grandparents.”
“Are you nervous?” Blaine asked with an amused smile on his face.
“Please don’t judge me,” he said. “It’s just that I’ve met your aunt and she
pretty much thinks you walk on water and your mom is like one of those cute
little geese that lets you feed her family bread and is all adorable and stuff
until you get too close to her baby and then she bites you. I pretty much have
this image of your grandparents being like a million times more protective than
that and they’re going to hate me. Your parents hated me when they first met
me. Your brother did, too...”
He looked over to see Blaine crossing his arms and staring at him with a look
that made him feel completely ridiculous.
“Okay, you can judge me.”
“I think it’s adorable,” Blaine said, pulling him into his arms for a hug. “And
my grandparents live in the Philippines, and I know you’ve never been there
before, but it’s pretty much the gay capital of Asia. You have nothing to worry
about. They don’t care about the gay boyfriend thing. They don’t care about
anything aside from the fact that I am happy. Which I am. They’ll see that
right way. They are going to love you.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“Come on, I’ll teach you some more Tagalog over dinner so you can impress
them,” Blaine said, dropping his hand as soon as they got to the main lobby of
the art gallery.
As they walked out of the gallery and towards the main strip, Kurt was happy to
find that the fresh air was doing him some good. He was feeling a lot less
nervous and he was gaining some of his confidence back. He was certainly able
to talk again without sounding like a fumbling idiot.
“So what does everyone else do?” Kurt asked as they began looking at menus
hanging on the windows of restaurants, looking for a place that looked both
appetizing and sanitary to eat. The last think Blaine needed the day before his
big meet started was to get sick and China was legendary for getting people
sick if they weren’t careful what they ate.
“What do you mean?” Blaine asked.
“You know, those of you who aren’t getting down and dirty,” he said. “What do
you do to tame the beast?”
“You know, there’s this new thing — I don’t know if you’ve heard of it — it’s
called masturbation?” Blaine teased him quietly, aware that there were a decent
amount of foreigners in the area that would be able to understand English.
“And that’s it?” he asked with a knowing look.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Blaine said with a blush. “How about
sushi?”
“You trust raw fish? Really?” he said. “And you most certainly do know what I’m
talking about if you’re turning red like that. Tell me.”
“No,” Blaine said.
“Is there some secret orgy that you all have late at night that you haven’t
told me about?” he asked.
“Of course not,” Blaine said.
“Then anything you say can’t be that bad,” he said, now more curious than
anything else.
“Pizza? Pizza is probably pretty safe?” Blaine asked, pointing to a nice
looking Italian place.
“We’re in China and you want to eat pizza? You already took me to a Spanish
place for lunch. We should have Chinese food. Or at least something French,
this is the French Concession, is it not?” he asked.
“Okay, fine. There is a French place we can go to, but you don’t get to be mad
at me when I pay the bill,” Blaine said.
“Fine, I’ll let you pay the bill if you tell me what you’re hiding and blushing
over?” he said.
“You can’t get jealous,” Blaine warned, leading him up the street towards the
restaurant.
“Did you kiss somebody?” he asked, knowing that the answer was no. He knew
Blaine well enough to know that if he’d cheated he would at least be acting
more squirrely than he was.
“Of course not,” Blaine said, turning around and looking like he’d been
slapped. “I would never!”
“Then I won’t be jealous,” he said, smiling at him to let him know that he
wasn’t being serious. “Just tell me already.”
“It’s a silly thing,” Blaine explained. “A few of the girls and I sneak in to
watch the divers between laps.”
“Blaine Devon Anderson! Are you watching other men?” Kurt teased, trying to
keep the laugh from coming out at how adorable Blaine looked when he got
flustered like this.
“Not men, man,” he said, blushing. “Just the one.”
“And who is this handsome man that has the entire team losing their Speedos?”
Kurt teased.
“You’re not mad?” Blaine asked, looking at him with doubt.
It was understandable, they both had plenty of reason to be insecure about
their relationship, but Kurt wouldn’t have told Blaine that he was ready to
have sex with him if he felt like he had any reason to be jealous of other men.
He knew that what they had was special.
“I obsess over male celebrities with Lauren when I’m not with you, so… no, I’m
not mad. It’s healthy,” Kurt said.
“Well good, because I still think you’re the most gorgeous man on the planet,”
Blaine said.
“Well now you’re just sucking up, so I know he must be hot,” he laughed. “Fess
up, who is he? Because I’m obviously joining you next time you decide to stalk
him.”
“Tom Daley,” Blaine said like the name should mean something to him.
“I don’t know who that is,” he said as they walked up to a very cute but nice
looking bistro that had patio tables with fancy white linens and candles. White
linens on the patio tables. Kurt could only imagine what the inside looked
like.
“Blaine, this place is really nice,” he said, tugging on his arm. “We can’t
afford this.”
“I can and you agreed to let me,” Blaine said, giving him a stern look.
“Well, there seems to be a wait and we don’t have the time, darn,” he said with
a shrug.
“Lucky for you I made reservations,” Blaine said with a sassy smirk that he
wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss or slap.
“You made reservations at a French place you know that I can’t afford and
weren’t sure I was going to want to go to in the first place?” he asked.
“You have impeccable taste and adore French food,” Blaine explained. “The
concierge said that this was an impeccable restaurant with the best French food
in the city. So I figured after a long day drinking fancy coffee and eating
delicious desserts on the streets of the French Concession, after shopping at
cute little boutiques and spending the day looking at art galleries, you’d be
good and buttered up for me to spoil you.”
“But you already spent the day spoiling me,” he said.
“And you flew halfway across the country and are spending the majority of your
two and a half weeks here with my family all so that you can be here to support
me, you deserve to be spoiled,” Blaine said.
“When we get back, you’re letting me cook you dinner for the next two weeks
worth of dates,” he bartered, causing Blaine to laugh.
“That’s not even a compromise,” Blaine said. “I adore your cooking.”
“And you know well enough I’m going to enjoy this dinner tonight, so I guess
neither of us is going to have to sacrifice much,” he said, trying so hard to
keep his face from splitting in half with how wide his smile had gotten. He
couldn’t remember ever feeling this happy in his life.
“If we weren’t surrounded by a hundred people, I would kiss you,” Blaine said.
“I don’t think you not kissing me is making anybody believe we’re straight
right now,” he said. “You’re giving me that hopelessly in love face.”
“Well, so are you,” Blaine said.
“It’s your fault,” he said. “You’re the one being all charming.”
“Hey, I’m just trying to make up for all those months I wanted to be your
boyfriend and couldn’t,” Blaine said.
“Well, we’re boyfriends now and the only way I’m allowing that to change is
with an upgrade to fiancés,” he said.
“Marriage, huh?”
“Not now, obviously, or anytime soon. But yeah,” he said.
****
“Oh God, I feel like I’m going to be sick,” Kurt said as the swimmers made
their way to the block to start the 200M Freestyle on Tuesday night.
It was the third day of races for Blaine and so far nothing had been this
stressful. Heats and Semi-finals had been a breeze so far, with Mr. Anderson
assuring him that barring any major problem, Blaine was pretty much guaranteed
a spot to the finals in all of his events. Last night had been the final for
the 100M Breaststroke which they’d all known was Blaine’s weakest event and
hadn’t expected him to do much of anything. The fact that he’d placed sixth had
been a bit of a miracle considering his previous times in the event.
Tonight was different, though. Tonight Blaine actually stood a chance at
winning. He was in the top three for both the 100M Backstroke and the 200M
Freestyle, but the times separating all the athletes were down to a few
hundredths of a second. Kurt had never been so stressed out in his life before.
When he’d been to Blaine’s high school meets it had been a guarantee that’d
he’d win. He was the fastest swimmer in all of Ohio, if anything Kurt had
merely been there to enjoy the nicely sculpted view. He’d never had to worry
over Blaine’s placements before. He’d never been to an international meet with
swimmers actually at or above Blaine’s level and this was the World
Championships. Apart from the Olympics, this was the biggest competition in
swimming.
To say he was stressed was an understatement.
“Calm down there, pretty boy,” Cooper said, pulling Kurt back into his seat
when he stood up, claiming he couldn’t watch.
“I don’t know, him freaking out is actually making me feel more calm, so carry
on,” Mr. Anderson said, his voice tense as he wrung his hands and glued his
eyes to the blocks.
“It’s alright,” Angeli said, patting Kurt’s knee. “At the end of the day, the
place he gets doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to Blaine,” Kurt said, jumping as the announcer told the swimmers
to take their marks and the starting buzzer went off.
“Oh God, I can’t do it,” Kurt said, closing his eyes, only to open them again a
second later, knowing that he’d regret it if he didn’t watch.
It was hard to tell which swimmer was which as they quickly made their way
through the water, all neck and neck, but Kurt knew that Blaine was in lane 3
and he’d had his eyes trained on him the entire time, barely hearing Mr.
Anderson’s running commentary as Angeli squeezed his leg harder and harder as
Blaine took his first turn.
“He’s in second, it’s good,” Mr. Anderson said. “He’s always slower at first
and catches up in the end; he’s in good position… Shit, Australia is gaining
though. He needs to kick it up. He needs to… Good, still in second. He can do
this…”
Kurt felt like he was going insane in the seconds it took the swimmers to get
from one end of the pool to the other and Mr. Anderson’s commentary wasn’t
helping him relax.
Kurt stood up as Blaine took the last turn in the pool and surprisingly picked
up speed and started to gain on Michael Phelps. Kurt barely even noticed
himself stand up and begin to scream, “Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!”
They touched the wall so close together that Kurt had to look to the board to
see the time. When it posted Kurt stood in shock, sure that he was reading it
wrong. The crowd around him went wild as he felt himself get pulled into
several different hugs.
He couldn’t quite believe what had happened — Blaine had won the gold — and
when he looked back out at the pool, it looked like Blaine couldn’t quite
believe it either.
****
After the first major win, Kurt thought that it would get less stressful, but
it didn’t. If anything it was worse because now people were actually watching
Blaine like he was a threat and Blaine’s nervousness was rubbing off on the
rest of the family. Even Blaine’s sweet, old grandparents had become fairly
obsessed with times, knowing how much it meant to Blaine.
Kurt did his best to keep things light when they were together, barely
mentioning placements at all because in the end it really didn’t matter all
that much to Kurt if Blaine won or not, but he knew it mattered to Blaine. So
he found himself on Thursday night, sitting in the same seats with the
Anderson’s watching Blaine’s next round of finals with an increased stress. By
this point, Blaine had already swum thirteen races in five days and exhaustion
was starting to kick in. He just prayed Blaine had it in him to last the next
four days because he still had seven more races to go.
“What are we thinking?” Kurt glanced over Mr. Anderson’s shoulder to check out
the list he’d complied on all the athletes.
“Lochte’s got the 200M Medley, there’s no way Blaine will be able to touch
that. He’ll come close, but he can’t beat Lochte on this one. We’ve just gotta
hope he can push hard enough for silver,” Mr. Anderson explained and Kurt was
impressed with himself at how easy it was to understand what Mr. Anderson was
talking about now. Only a few weeks ago, Kurt was still scrabbling to remember
which stroke what which and how many laps 200M was.
“But the freestyle, Blaine owns the freestyle, right?” Cooper said, leaning
over from his seat behind them.
“I mean if he were going to pick a stroke, freestyle would be it,” Kurt said,
nervously biting at his nails like he hadn’t done since he was younger.
“He’ll make that freestyle his bitch,” Cooper said. “Anderson men know how to
win.”
“Damn straight they do,” Mr. Anderson said, giving Cooper a fist pump that only
caused Mrs. Anderson and Angeli to roll their eyes.
“Our Blainey will win,” Blaine’s grandmother said, patting Kurt on the back
with a fond smile.
Kurt nodded kindly, knowing that she only understood a very limited amount of
English and apparently she couldn’t understand most of what he said due to his
‘crazy accent’ which Kurt firmly believed he did not have, thank you very much.
Nevertheless, she still seemed to take very kindly to him and spoke to him in
whatever limited English she could.
“Our whole family was practically born in the water,” Angeli said, leaning over
Blaine’s grandmother to talk to him. “This whole Anderson men breed winners
thing is cute, but we all know it’s the Filipino in him that makes him such a
good swimmer. His mom and I grew up on the beach swimming during high tides.
Cooper can’t even swim.”
“I can swim,” Cooper said with a smile that nobody believed. “I act like I
can’t swim. I’m practicing for a role.”
“Yeah, for years now,” Angeli said with a playful wink at Kurt that made him
giggle until he heard the announcer call for the swimmers to take their mark
and he felt like he was going to vomit again.
By the end of the evening, Mr. Anderson had called it fairly accurately. Blaine
won a silver medal in the 200M Medley and a gold in the 100M Freestyle. If the
looks they were getting from the crowd were any indication, this was a bigger
deal than Kurt had thought.
****
On Saturday Blaine won his third gold medal in the 50M Freestyle and they were
approached by a group of journalists at the hotel restaurant asking Blaine how
he felt about being the next Michael Phelps, to which Blaine gracefully said he
wasn’t going to compare himself to somebody that had done more for swimming
than Michael Jordan had done for basketball. Kurt started wondering though, if
maybe by next year’s time they wouldn’t be right.
“You know, you don’t have to join Glee Club with me,” he said as they said
goodnight before Blaine’s mandatory 9pm curfew.
“What? Of course I’m joining Glee Club with you,” Blaine said. “I didn’t do all
that work to get us into the same school again just so that we wouldn’t spend
time together.”
“I’m just saying I’ll see you every day at school. If you need to train—”
“I will train,” Blaine said, cutting him off with a kiss. “I’ll still be
training every day. Glee Club isn’t going to take that away from me. Don’t let
these reporters get to you. They’re just looking for an exciting headline to
get readers. They don’t care how much truth is behind their story or not.”
“But you did beat—”
“Kurt,” Blaine cut him off with a slightly annoyed look. “Do you see fourteen
Olympic gold medals around my neck? Because he has fourteen gold medals. He got
six in Athens before he even got the eight in Beijing.”
“Well no, but—” he tried to cut in but Blaine wasn’t having any of it.
“Have I broken any world records?” Blaine asked, obviously not looking for an
answer because he barely let Kurt speak before cutting him off again. “I’m not
trying to take away from what I’ve done, because it’s pretty amazing, but
everyone is throwing these words around like I’m somehow going to be the
world’s greatest swimmer but I’m not. I’m not any better than these guys. Some
days they kick my ass in practice and some days I manage to barely beat them.”
“Technically you are the world’s greatest freestyle swimmer,” Kurt said with a
smirk. “You’ve got to at least give me that.”
“Fine, this week, in this competition, I might be the world’s greatest
freestyle swimmer,” he said with a great amount of pride in his voice. “But I’m
still joining Glee Club with you in the fall. I’m not changing my life plans
around just because some journalists that barely know anything about swimming
want to start attaching outrageous claims to my name.”
“Alright, sounds like a deal,” Kurt said kissing Blaine goodnight.
****
“Hey!” Kurt yelled across the lobby the following night so that Blaine could
hear him through the crowd of people that were currently trying to congratulate
the entire team as they made their way into the hotel after closing ceremonies.
Blaine spotted him and made his way over, pulling him tight into his arms.
“I’m so proud of you,” he whispered into his ear, breathing him in and leaving
a kiss to his neck just because he could. “That last race was insane! I still
can’t believe you won!”
“Let’s go somewhere,” Blaine said, pulling back to look him in the eyes. “I
want go somewhere before they grab me away again.”
“Your parents are waiting upstairs for you. Your grandparents were overwhelmed
by the crowd so your aunt took them to bed, but everyone else is waiting for
us,” he said.
“Right… yeah… right,” Blaine said, looking around, clearly overwhelmed with all
the different emotions this evening had brought.
“Blaine?” he asked, giving him a questioning look. “Are you alright?”
“It’s fine. I just kind of wanted to find somewhere we could be together… you
know, together,” he said. “But it’s fine. We should go find my parents.”
“If you honestly want to go somewhere where we can be together, I read about a
gay club that only lets foreigners in. We’d have all the privacy and safety
we’d need,” he offered, not really wanting to go to a club but he knew it was
something that Blaine used to enjoy doing before he got tied down with a
boyfriend.
“No, it’s okay,” Blaine said. “I’m sure my parents will want to talk to me and
we’re leaving tomorrow anyway.”
“I assumed,” he said. “Just wanted to let you know it was an option. Puck said
it used to help you to unwind, going to clubs I mean…”
“That was a different time,” Blaine said, pulling Kurt in closer. “I don’t
think that’s what I need anymore, though I wouldn’t be against getting to dance
the entire night with you.”
“That does sound nice,” he said, looking around nervously, scared that somebody
would see them so close together.
“Kurt, I just won five medals, four of them are gold,” Blaine said. “Nobody is
going to give us shit.”
“Right,” he said, letting Blaine pull him in for a passionate kiss that was a
bit sloppy, but Kurt figured Blaine was too worked up to notice much so he cut
him some slack. He was running on empty and the only thing keeping him standing
after a long week of racing was pure adrenaline.
“God, I’ve never been so nervous before,” Kurt said, coming up for air. “I
think I broke your dad’s hand squeezing it so hard.”
Blaine barely heard him as he pulled him in for another kiss.
“You know we’re surrounded by your coaches—” he tried to say, cut off by
another kiss. “Your teammates.”
“We should get a room,” Blaine said, pulling back suddenly.
“Are you high?” he asked, only half joking. He’s seen Blaine after each of the
races this week so he was prepared for the particular brand of crazy that came
from an over-exhausted Blaine, but this was a bit more intense than usual. Not
that he entirely minded, he just wanted to make sure they didn’t do anything
they regretted in the morning.
“We should get a room,” Blaine repeated.
“Blaine… We’re seventeen, they’ll never let us,” he said, trying to be the
reasonable one when every part of himself was screaming out to just agree with
him.
“If I can get us a room, will you spend the night with me?” Blaine asked.
“What about your parents?” he asked, willing himself to have the courage to say
no. Blaine wasn’t exactly himself right now and he highly doubted that was what
Blaine had in mind when he talked about rose petals and candles.
“My parents are well aware we both already lost our V cards,” Blaine chuckled.
“In fact, I don’t think there’s a single person in this hotel that doesn’t
firmly believe that we are already having sex, so we might as well be.”
“What happened to waiting for a special moment?” he asked.
“Kurt,” Blaine pulled back from him and looked him in the eyes, looking more
sober and level headed than he had a few moments ago. “This seems pretty
special to me, doesn’t it.”
“Yeah,” he said, wanting to say yes, but still doubting if this was the right
decision or not.
“Do you want to do this? Because you’re allowed to say no,” Blaine said. “I beg
you to say no if you’re uncomfortable because the last thing I want is for this
to turn out like last time.”
“That’s in the past,” Kurt said. “If we have sex, I know you’re not going to
leaving me again. I just don’t want you sleeping with me because you’re high on
adrenaline.”
“I’m high on love,” he said with a goofy smile.
“Okay, comments like that aren’t helping,” Kurt said with a laugh.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Blaine said wearing a cocky smile. He leaned in for another
kiss which Kurt easily fell into. “They seem to be helping a little.”
“Oh, get a room,” Ryan Lochte, one of Blaine’s teammates, came up to pull them
apart before pulling Blaine into a headlock. “In fact, take my room,” he said
as he slipped his room card into Blaine’s hand. “Just please stop before we all
end up having to watch you two have sex in the middle of this lobby. We’ve all
seen enough of that.”
“Where are you going to sleep?” Blaine asked.
Kurt watched as Ryan pulled one of the female swimmers into his arms and
whispered something into her ear that made her giggle.
“I’ll figure it out,” he said with a wink and with that he was gone, causing
Blaine to turn around and raise an eyebrow at him and Kurt had to admit, as
love drunk as Blaine seemed to be, he certainly seemed level headed enough to
put a stop to this if he’d really wanted to. Which begged the question, why put
a stop to it at all if it was something they both wanted?
“Well, what do you say Hummel — are you in or are you out?” Blaine asked,
teasing him.
“Oh, I don’t know,” he said leaning in close. “I seem to remember rather
enjoying you being the one that was in.”
With that, he turned and walked away from Blaine and towards the elevators,
stopping only when he didn’t feel Blaine following after him.
“You coming?” he asked.
“Oh, many times I suspect,” Blaine said with a rather suggestive wiggle of his
eyebrows as he ran after him and they grabbed hands, trying very hard not to
make out in the crowded elevator — even if it was taking a painstakingly long
time to get to floor twenty when they had to stop at every single floor.
Thankfully the elevator had emptied before they got to their floor with most of
the team still downstairs celebrating the big win so nobody was there to watch
as Kurt tried to quiet his giggling and Blaine struggled to get the key to work
dropping it several times like they were both drunk.
In a way they were, just not on alcohol. They were drunk on adrenaline and love
and that magical feeling that can only come with witnessing somebody realizing
their childhood dream. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and touching
the medals that hung around Blaine’s neck every few minutes, still not quite
believing they were real. He noticed that Blaine kept forgetting about them as
well and then starring at them in shock whenever he realized they were there
again.
“After you, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said, once he’d managed to open the door,
holding it open wide and bowing to him over dramatically.
“Get in here,” he said, much less politely, pulling on one of the medals to
drag Blaine inside, grateful that they seemed to be as sturdy as they appeared
because he wasn’t sure Blaine would forgive him for breaking a World Champion
medal.
The second the door clicked closed they were wrapped around each other, mouths
fighting for dominance. He made quick work of unzipping Blaine’s jacket,
sighing in relief once it fell to the ground and he could wrap his hands around
Blaine’s strong arms. Loving the way that Blaine’s fingers had found their way
into his belt loops and were pulling him closer.
Blaine pulled away and Kurt was terrified for a moment that he was going to
stop, but his mouth simply fell to his throat, lips brushing against the
sensitive skin on his clavicle. His breath caught in his throat when he felt
Blaine’s hands make their way under his shirt to rub at his back. He lifted his
arms over his head and allowed Blaine to pull his shirt completely off,
revealing his newly freckled chest thanks to several hours spend in the sun
this summer.
“Oh, well this is adorable,” Blaine said, leaning over to begin kissing at each
freckle.
“Adorable?” he pulled away, pouting just a bit.
“Adorable can be sexy,” Blaine said, playing connect the dots on his chest with
his tongue. “Adorable is incredibly sexy on you.”
He tried to pull away again in protest but he couldn’t deny how good it felt to
have Blaine’s tongue running along his chest while his fingers traced the lines
of his ribcage.
“Just this once,” he said, trying to sound stern when all his resolve had
clearly already left him. “I’m giving you tonight and after that you never get
to comment on my freckles again.”
“Sure,” Blaine said with a cocky smirk that sounded anything but convincing.
“Just how far down do these wonderful freckles go?” he asked pulling at the
waistline of his pants until Kurt slapped his hand away.
“I do not have freckles on my ass, thank you very much,” he said in mock
outrage. “It’s your fault that I even have them on my chest.”
“My fault?” Blaine said indignantly as he pulled away and began backing Kurt
towards the bed.
“You’re the one that made fun of me for wearing a T-shirt in the pool. I told
you, my people don’t tan,” he said with a playful glare as his knees hit the
mattress.
“No, no. Your people should never wear clothes,” Blaine said, grabbing onto his
waist and tossing him onto the bed in a way that was surprisingly hot.
It was easy to forget sometimes because Blaine was shorter than him, but the
way he was able to lift him like it was nothing had Kurt’s pants starting to
tent in a way that was impossible to hide. His boyfriend was a World Champion
swimmer and had all the strength and muscles to prove it.
“Says the man with a Tumblr page dedicated to his ass,” Kurt said, moaning as
Blaine crawled onto the bed and began leaving hickeys on his hipbones.
“I’m still not entirely convinced you didn’t make those pages,” Blaine said,
unbuckling Kurt’s belt painfully slowly.
“I didn’t make it, but I can’t say I don’t follow it,” Kurt panted out,
thrusting up as Blaine cupped him through his pants.
“Blaine,” Kurt whined. “Can you please get naked, too?”
Blaine laughed as he sat up to remove his medals and placed them carefully on
the nightstand. The same couldn’t be said about his shirt, which got tossed
carelessly across the room.
It was a far cry from the first time they’d had sex. There were no tears. No
desperate need to get together as fast as they could. They weren’t using sex to
solve their problems because sex wasn’t supposed to be used as a Band-Aid. No,
not this time. This time they were laughing and enjoying themselves. It was
natural. This time it was better.
It was a million times better.
“God bless Team USA for those abs,” Kurt said, pulling a giggling Blaine back
down over him because it was his turn to kiss his way down Blaine’s chest.
He loved the feeling of Blaine over him with trembling arms, trying to keep
most of his weight off of Kurt as he rolled his tongue around Blaine’s nipple
causing him to moan loudly in a way Kurt remembered well. It meant Blaine was
starting to lose control, which always ended pleasurably for them both. He
continued to tease Blaine’s nipples as he let his hands travel under the
elastic of Blaine’s warmup pants and underwear so he could get a firm grip on
his ass. Blaine bucked into him and he could feel his hard on against his
stomach.
“Fuck,” Blaine groaned out, causing Kurt’s jeans to become painfully
uncomfortable. Blaine swearing during sex always managed to make him harder. He
liked hearing the effect that he was having on him.
“Talk to me,” he said, surprisingly himself with his boldness. He’d expected
himself to be shy after so long but he didn’t feel embarrassed at all. If
anything, he felt more confident than ever about the two of them.
“What?” Blaine asked, groaning again as Kurt pulled down his waistband so that
his dick could spring free. He rolled Blaine over until he was on his back.
“Talk to me,” he repeated himself, moving onto his knees for a moment so he
could get his pants unbuttoned and unzipped to help remove some of the pressure
on his dick before leaning in to give Blaine an open mouth kiss, full of
tongue.
He let himself get lost in the kiss for a few moments, loving the way Blaine’s
fingers pulled at his hair and scratched at his scalp, not enough to be painful
but enough to feel how much Blaine wanted him. The somewhat trashy sound of
lips smacking together as they chased after one other usually bothered him when
he heard it in movies, but it didn’t feel so trashy when it was the two of
them.
Kurt pulled away and began kissing his way down Blaine’s chest.
“Come back,” Blaine whined, trying to pull at him but Kurt kept moving farther
away.
“Shh,” he said as he dipped his tongue into Blaine’s belly button. “You’ll
enjoy this, just keep talking. I want to hear you.”
“I… God, Kurt,” Blaine said breathlessly. “I’ve missed this. Not that I didn’t…
I liked the kissing stuff, but this… I’ve missed you like this. You’re so hot
when you get worked up.”
“I’ve missed this, too,” he said and he couldn’t help but giggle as Blaine’s
hips were making shallow thrusts, causing his dick to keep hitting Kurt in the
chin.
“Eager there, are we?” he asked, giving Blaine a judgmental look.
“Don’t tease me,” Blaine said with a playful glare. “It’s been too long for
teasing.”
“Oh, I don’t know, I rather like it,” he said, biting into Blaine’s thigh just
to watch him thrust up helplessly with a loud moan.
“Why are you being so mean to me?” Blaine asked, reaching down to jerk himself
off, only to have Kurt slap his hand away.
Blaine looked like he was going to protest but Kurt shut him up quickly,
sinking his mouth down over Blaine quick and deep. Blaine called out loudly and
Kurt closed his eyes and he tried to savor the way Blaine tasted on his tongue.
It was similar to the way his neck tasted after a workout session but stronger,
more Blaine without the strong scent of body wash to drown it out. He hollowed
out his cheeks and began to pull off, painfully slow as Blaine’s hips bucked,
trying to chase after Kurt’s mouth.
Kurt scratched lightly at Blaine’s thighs, mixing a gentle teasing touch with
an almost painful rhythm of his mouth in a way that had Blaine thrashing around
the sheets.
“So good… so… yes… so good,” Blaine said, his voice muffled and Kurt glanced up
to see him biting his fist in an effort to control himself.
Kurt reached up to pull his arm away. “Don’t hold back,” he said.
“Kurt, I can’t—” but whatever it was that Blaine couldn’t do, he never got to
hear it as Kurt’s fingers reached to trace at Blaine’s entrance and Blaine
thrust up into Kurt’s mouth, hitting the back of his throat, causing him to gag
for a moment.
“I’m so sorry,” Blaine said, starting to pull away but Kurt grabbed onto his
hips to keep him still.
“It’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting it,” he said, willing his eyes to stop
watering.
He took a deep breath through his nose and relaxed his throat liked he’d been
practicing. The first time they’d fooled around, all those months ago, Kurt had
been completely in over his head and inexperienced. He hadn’t wanted to be the
fumbling virgin again and the more he’d thought about the two of them having
sex again over the last few weeks, the more eager he’d been to master certain
skills. So he’d been secretly looking up sexual tips and practicing on the one
sex toy he’d managed to order online without his father noticing.
“I feel like an asshole,” Blaine mumbled, trying to cover his face with a
pillow before Kurt reached up to pull it away and tossed it off the bed and out
of Blaine’s reach.
“It’s fine, honestly,” he said, moving up the bed so that he could look Blaine
in the eyes. In fact, Kurt couldn’t have been upset even if he wanted to
because he’d certainly done his fair share of fucking Blaine’s mouth in the
past.
“I actually kind of liked it,” Kurt admitted.
“You kind of liked it?” Blaine said, giving him a doubtful look.
“Yeah, I mean, some warning would have been nice, but yeah,” he said. “If you
wanted to try that again, I would be more prepared this time.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Blaine said, still a bit breathless.
He reached out and ran the backside of his fingers over Kurt’s cheek in a
caress that was so loving it would have had him cuddling up next to Blaine and
demanding more if he wasn’t so painfully hard that he didn’t think he could
stop.
“You won’t,” he said, moving back down the bed and settling in between Blaine’s
legs again. He was even bold enough to pull one of Blaine’s legs over his
shoulder. “I’ve been practicing.”
“You’ve been… fuck,” Blaine moaned so loudly that Kurt could feel it in his
veins. “That’s a visual I’m never going to get out of my head.”
“How about watching me try it with the real thing then?” he said, having no
idea where his sudden boldness had come from. All he knew was that he wasn’t
planning on stopping until Blaine was coming down his throat.
He didn’t wait for Blaine’s reply, which was good because he had become
completely incoherent, muttering half formed syllables between moans as Kurt
took him as deep as he could. His jaw was getting sore and he didn’t know how
much longer he’d be able to go without touching himself, but right there, in
the moment, he focused all of his attention on making it as good as he could
for Blaine. He massaged Blaine’s balls and teased at his entrance until he was
finally rewarded with a very tentative hand in his hair, guiding him into a
faster rhythm.
Kurt kept up the fast pace as long as he could, but he eventually had to pull
off to rest his jaw, which was screaming in pain from being stretched so wide
for so long. Instead, he used his hands to spread Blaine open wider and allowed
his tongue to tentatively travel further down, back to Blaine’s entrance.
Blaine had done this to him once before and he remembered how amazing it had
felt, but he’d never gotten the chance to repay the favor. He’d always been too
embarrassed to try it, but that shame was gone. There was no shame in anything
that they did when they both so clearly loved each other.
Kurt’s tongue had barely begun pushing into Blaine’s tight hole when Blaine’s
cried out loudly as his orgasm hit. Kurt reached out to pump him through it. He
was so entranced watching the white spurts of come hit Blaine in the stomach
that he had to lean over and taste it, not caring one bit that he was getting
come on his face. It could all be washed off later. It had been too long since
he’d been able to taste Blaine and really enjoy it.
When Blaine finally fell back into the bed, completely boneless, Kurt moved off
the bed to get a washcloth to clean them both off. He smiled fondly as Blaine
mumbled disjointed words that sounded a lot like they were supposed to be
praises of love but weren’t quite able to get their message across.
Kurt adjusted himself in his underwear and took a few deep breaths to calm
himself down, knowing that he would get his chance to get off soon; there was
no need to rush anything. They had all night. They had the rest of their lives
— Blaine wasn’t going anywhere this time.
Instead, he crawled back into bed and wrapped Blaine into his arms, loving how
he went so willingly, boneless as Jello. He began to sing Otis Redding’s
‘That’s How Strong My Love Is’ quietly into Blaine’s ear. It had been stuck in
his head all week thanks to Blaine’s latest musical obsession and this seemed
like as perfect a moment as any to sing the lyrics he’d been driving himself
crazy with.
When Kurt reached the end of the song, he heard Blaine hum happily, letting him
know that he hadn’t actually killed his boyfriend with sex.
“I want to record you singing that,” Blaine whispered, like he was afraid of
breaking the magical moment they’d seemed to find themselves in.
“You’ve got a whole year of Glee next year to listen to me sing,” he whispered
back as he nibbled lightly on Blaine’s ear.
“I hope you don’t sing like that to the rest of the club,” Blaine said back in
mock outrage.
Kurt laughed lightly with a roll of his eyes before responding, “Fair enough.”
“You know I wanted to get off together for our first time,” Blaine complained
as Kurt brought his wrist up to his mouth and began leaving open mouth kisses
on it, causing Blaine to shiver. “This was a bit unbalanced.”
“Technically we did get off together our first time,” he said cheekily. “Or
were you too drunk to remember that night?”
“Kurt,” Blaine whined, elbowing him lightly in the stomach to let him know that
he was serious.
“It’s fine. I didn’t mind,” he said, which only caused Blaine to turn around so
that they were facing each other and he could meet his eyes with a glare.
“I just mean that we’ve got all night to make each other scream,” he said. “You
know your pleasure is my pleasure now. We don’t have to be selfish—”
“But I feel pretty selfish—” Blaine cut in but Kurt quickly silenced him.
“We don’t need to be worried about keeping score. We never have to keep score
again. We’ve got forever, right?”
“Right,” Blaine said with a soft smile. “Just so long as you don’t make me wait
forever to return the favor.”
“I was hoping you’d say that,” he said with a laugh as Blaine rolled him onto
his back and started kissing him again.
Yeah, forever with Blaine was looking pretty amazing actually.
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