Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/171684.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      No_Archive_Warnings_Apply, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Queer_as_Folk_(US)
  Relationship:
      Brian_Kinney/Michael_Novotny, Ben_Bruckner/Michael_Novotny, Brian_Kinney/
      Justin_Taylor
  Character:
      Emmett_Honeycutt, Ted_Schmidt
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-03-17 Words: 15586
****** Buddha And The Music Man ******
by StormyBear30
“Man…I never thought that I would be so glad to get back to the Pitt’s and away
from the lot of you” I heard Brian exclaim in a snide way as he leaned against
the window of the van we had been riding in for the last twelve hours…coming
back from another show at another nameless college.
"Fuck you Bri…” I retorted grouchily as I tried to get out of the seat we had
been sharing for the entire trip. However…he knew that he had pissed me off as
he grabbed my by the waist and pulled me into his lap.
“Everyone but you Mikey” he quipped with a fake smile that pissed me off even
more. “In fact when I get you back to my place I am gonna fuck that gorgeous
ass of yours until it is black and blue” he laughed evilly as he pushed me off
of his lap but not before planting his hand playfully upon the ass he promised
to fuck. “And then I am going to fuck you all over again”
“What the fuck ever” I ground out as I removed myself from the seat before he
had a chance to yank me back.
“You know what Mikey...fuck you” he yelled to my retreating figure as I made my
way to the front of the van…pushing Emmett out of the passengers seat roughly
as I plopped down into the worn leather with a heart felt sigh.
“You know all you have to do is ask and I would have moved” he pouted as he
made his way to the place that I had just left…falling into the seat beside the
other pouter as they glared at each for a moment before turning away.
“Another fight with Mr. Wonderful” Teddy asked me…his voice full of concern as
he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye before bringing it back to the
road before him.
“I don’t want to talk about it” I sulked as I laid my head upon the coolness of
the window and tried to remember when the hell my life got twisted upside down
and inside out…so much so that it didn’t even feel like my own anymore.
I guess it all started a little over two years before hand when Brian and I
decided…or should I say he decided that we should be more then just friends.
Everything had been going great for us at the time. Brian had just graduated
college and was working for one of the best advertisement agencies in
Pittsburgh. I had decided to forgo college after a few semesters at our local
community college and instead took a job at the Big Q. Within my first year
with the company I quickly moved up the ranks to Asst. Manager. I was happy
with my life…I was content and then it went completely crazy in no time at all.
Working all day and nights spent at Babylon was how I spent my time and as for
Brian…well it was basically the same except for that fact that he fucked just
about every man on two legs.
It was no huge secret that I was in love with Brian. Hell anyone that would
look at us whenever we were together could see it screaming out from my
eyes…but it always remained a not so tightlipped secret between the two of us.
Don’t get me wrong…Brian and I messed around from time to time but it was never
enough. I wanted more from him then I knew he could ever give me and so I
lapped up the crumbs that he did give me and planned to cherish them for
always. So there we were with our great life…thinking that nothing could ever
possibly be better that what we had…but oh how wrong we were.
Every since high school Brian and I had been involved in a band that we had
created. It was nothing spectacular at the beginning…just he and I as we
prattled around with a set of guitars and microphones. It was fun and something
to do to pass away the time until we graduated our dreaded high school.
However…all that changed when I became friends with Teddy and Emmett towards
the middle of our junior year. They had heard that we had a small garage band
and wanted to know if they could get in on it. I was ecstatic at the
prospect…but Brain took a little more persuading. He fought me like hell for
weeks before he even gave them a chance to audition…but once they did there was
no doubt that they were in.
I can’t explain it but the four of us creating music just clicked. Now don’t
get me wrong…as musicians we clicked as friends most of the time we didn’t.
There was always some drama going on…always someone not speaking to another and
so on and so on. It was crazy and manic…but I loved every second of it. We came
together as a band rather quickly and before any of us knew what was happening
we were playing small high school parties almost every weekend. The Home coming
dance was next as well as the prom and quickly after that we were playing some
of the smaller clubs around town. Word spread fast about just how good we
sounded as a band and we quickly became somewhat of a local celebrity. We were
all excited and happy with our new status and felt that once again life could
not get any better then it was…but once again fate proved us wrong.
A local promoter had been at one of the clubs that we were playing at one night
and wanted us to sigh with him. He promised us huge things and being young and
excited at the prospect of becoming multi-millionaires we signed without
hesitation. He was true to his word in a sense and before we knew what was
happening we were playing a larger club and college circuit. I was in heaven as
graduation came and went and we took on the life of adults as we worked…went to
school and played all week long…too only work and play harder with each gig
that we did on the weekends. Life was wonderful…I was doing something that I
loved with an all fired passion as well as spending excessive amounts of time
with the man that took of that exact same passion. Brian and I were as close as
two best friends could be…or so I thought as the roles of friends and lovers
became one on a cold and lonely night after another successful gig.
I was tired…bone tired and as much as I loved being on stage entertaining our
growing legions…I was more then a little homesick for Pittsburgh and my family.
That particular trip had been a bit more strenuous on all of us…but in
particular for me as the lead singer of the band. Robert…our manager was really
pushing me to work on some new material that he promised would rise us out of
the local circuit and into the mainstream. I was excited about the prospect…but
my excitement only seemed to draw tension from the other members of our little
foursome…especially Brian. It seemed at that point in time that no matter what
I did…or what I said it would send him off into a tailspin where I would get
one verbal beating or another. He never lashed out at the others as much as he
did to me and that alone caused me great upset and confusion since we were as
close as two men could be without sex being involved.
On that particular night his verbal attack was ten times worse then any other I
had received before. It just came out of nowhere as we attempted to relax in
our hotel room after one of our performances. He was upon me in seconds…calling
me every name in the book. I was accused of screwing up his guitar solo despite
the fact that I had absolutely nothing to do with it. I was tired and not in
the mood to fight…but he was and before I knew it I was being slammed into the
wall of our hotel room where he proceeded to pin me to it with the bulk of his
body. More words of insult were thrown at me as I continued to lay against the
wall in complete shock at this unprovoked attack. I could smell the liquor
heavy upon his breath as I tried to break away from the hold that he had on
me…only to be slammed once again against the wall as he attached his lips to my
unsuspecting ones so furiously that it caused me to cry out in pain. I tried to
break the hurtful lip lock… but I knew that I was kidding myself because I knew
what was about to happen next and I wanted it more then I wanted to breath.
Yes…what you expected happened…happened. It wasn’t moonlight and roses as I had
dreamed about for years before hand. However…it was Brian and it was me that he
was with and at that time it was enough. He was rough and brutal…but as he
fucked the living shit out of me nothing else mattered. Where making love to
Brian had been my dream come true for so long…it actually turned out to be the
biggest nightmare of my life. From that moment on everything changed between
the two of us. The friendship that had always been unwavering and study began
to falter almost from the beginning. Brian started straying just mere months
after we came together for the first time and for some stupid and insane reason
I forgave his ass each and every time.
“Welcome to the Pitts” I heard him cry out as we drove past the sign stating we
had just entered Pittsburgh’s city limits. “Thank fucking god I only have to
see your stupid faces for one more show…then no more for the next six months”
he continued with his ribbing pissing the three other occupants in the van off
with each word. The truth was that his words were true. We only had one gig
left on our circuit tour and then we were going to take a break of six months
to clear our heads and work on some new material. I didn’t know what was going
to happen between Brian and I…but I knew that it had to change and it had to
change before I lost what was left of my sanity.
I watched him as he entered the room…watched as the masses of hot and horny men
parted for him as he made his entrance and all I could think of at the time
was…he will be mine…oh yes…he will be mine. Ok…so it was a cliché line from an
old “Wayne’s World” movie I had been watching earlier that night…but despite
that it depicted exactly just the way I was feeling. However…in truth I knew
that the Adonis standing before me would never be mine. Please…there I was
Michael Novotny lead singer of a not so up and coming rock band…short…geeky and
just plain unattractive and then there was him…hot…hunky…muscles of steel and I
knew that there was no way that he would ever be interested in me. Needless to
say I was more then ecstatic when I turned out to be wrong.
“Mikey…wake the fuck up” I heard my best friend and on and off again boyfriend
call out to me irritated. At that point in time we were on again and despite
the fact that I loved Brian…deep in my heart I knew that the two of us would
never withstand as a couple. I know that it sounds pathetic and sad and in a
way it was…but for ten years of my life it got me through the days. Pulling my
eyes from the handsome hunk I made my way over to Brain as he adjusted his
guitar for the last show that we were performing that night. “Where the fuck
where you?” he questioned and I could tell that he was already aggregated.
“I’m right here” I replied…trying to be nonchalant about his question as I
picked up my own guitar and began to fiddle with it.
“Yeah…your sexy ass is here but your mind was somewhere else” he growled
through clenched teeth as he grabbed the guitar from my hands…placing it gently
on the ground before her pulled me roughly into his lap. “So Mikey…just what
was it…or who was it that had your apt attention” he continued with his line of
questioning as he grabbed me by the back of the head and forced me to look
forward. “Him…” he asked pointing at some random club kid as he tried to pick
up another random club kid. “No…so not your type. Ok…how about him” I watched
as he pointed at an older man as he sat at the bar looking like he was trying
to drown his sorrows away with the power of liquor. “No…too old” he quipped.
“OMG…what the @#%$” he gasped as he tightened the hold that he held on my neck
causing me to cry out in pain from the extent of the grip.
“Brian…you’re hurting me dammit” I cried out as I attempted to release myself
from his hold. “Let me the fuck alone” I cried out even louder…feeling my body
jerk as he threw my form forward. I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with
him…and I didn’t care as a pair of strong hands caught me and lifted me
upwards.
“Are you ok” I heard the deep and angelic voice of the owner of those hands ask
me concerned as I gaped at every muscular curve of his body as he stood me
fully erect. My breath caught in my throat as I came face to face with a pair
of gray/blue eyes that I just know that I could drown in for the rest of my
life.
“He’s fine” I heard Brian answer nastily behind me as he linked his arm around
my waist…pulling me tauntly against his body. “What the fuck are you doing
here” He ground out in an even nastier tone as he tightened his hold on me. I
know that I should have fought him…should have pushed myself away from him and
his demanding ways…but as I continued to gawk at the man before me I found that
I could do no more then allow him to hold me.
“I heard you were in town and I thought that I would…”
“Come down here and try and make amends…don’t fucking think so” he barked at
the man with a full-fledged frown plastered across his handsome face. “Come on
Mikey lets get the fuck out of here” he demanded as he finally removed his arm
from around my waist…instead latching it onto my hand as he attempted to drag
me away from the man that he obviously knew.
“Jesus Christ Brian…it was over ten years ago. Why the hell can’t you forgive
me. I didn’t know…I swear to you I didn’t know” I heard him cry out after the
two of us. “I love you Brian…I never stopped and I never will. You’ll always be
my brother Brian…no matter how much you may try to deny it”
“Brother…what the fuck” I cried out in utter shock as I turned to face the man
who I thought I knew inside and out “What the hell does he mean by calling you
brother” I questioned as I looked between the two strapping men. At first Brian
didn’t say a word as he stood there with a look that I had never in all the
years I had known him seen on his face. “Who the fuck are you” I questioned the
man angrily as I moved away from the still unspeaking Brian…once again facing
the man that had caused my heart to go pitter patter mere moments before hand.
“I’m Brian’s brother…Ben” he spoke as he stared deep into my eyes in what I
assumed was an attempt to prove to me that he was telling the truth.
“Brian doesn’t have a brother” I accused as I forced my eyes away from those
beautiful baby blues. “I’ve know him for ten years and he has never once
mentioned having a brother. Tell him Brian…tell him that you don’t have a
brother. Tell me that this is just some trick that you picked up years ago that
is trying to get back into your bed. Tell me Brian…tell me” I cried out in near
panic as he continued to stand there unmoving…unspeaking. “I said tell me damn
you” I cried even louder as I launched forward…grabbing him by the shoulders as
I began to shake him like a rag doll.
Finally having enough of me man handling him he grabbed onto my arms…pinning
them behind my back as he pulled me tauntly against the front of his body once
again. “Mikey…meet my older brother Ben. Ben…meet my lover and best friend
Mikey” he spoke unevenly as he released my arms and stormed away leaving the
two of us standing there in uneasy…unpleasant silence.
“You look like you need to sit down” the one known as Brian’s brother spoke out
to me as he gently wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to a nearby table
off of the stage.
For what felt like forever we sat in stone cold silence as I tried to take in
all that I had learned that night. Brian had a long lost brother that he had
never told me about and sure that was upsetting enough…but what really stung
the most was the fact that he kept it from me. I had always thought that I was
the only one that Brian could talk to…and with good reason because he had told
me hundreds upon hundreds of times growing up…and it unnerved me that he felt
he could not tell me about something so huge. “So…are you really his brother” I
asked quietly…unable to pull my eyes away from his saddened ones.
“Yes…” he replied defeated. “I am his brother and I guess that I was hoping
that after all these years we could make amends…but I can see that isn’t going
to be the case…is it?” he questioned me…those haunting eyes begging for me to
give him the answer that he wanted to hear. However…I knew Brian and I knew
what a grudge holding fucker he could be. I knew that despite the fact that I
had no clue as to how they had become estranged…there was no way that Brian was
every going to forgive him. “He always was a stubborn ass” he chuckle
sadly…pulling his eyes away from mine for the briefest of moments as he brushed
a stray tear from his eye…only to bring them back with a look of pure
desperation. “Please Mikey…I know we just met but I need your help”
“My name is Michael” I corrected him…slowly drowning within deep ocean colored
depths. “Mikey is the nickname that only Brian calls me”
“Michael…it suits you so much better” he spoke softly…as he reached out and
covered my hands with the largeness of his own. “Please Michael…will you help
me”
“I don’t know what I can do” I spoke truthfully…closing my eyes briefly as the
heat of those hands sunk into mine. “Brian is pretty stubborn and the way that
he stormed out of here tonight…”
“Novotny…get your ass up here” I heard our manager scream madly from where he
stood on the stage.
“I’ll be right back” I promised as I lifted my still stunned frame from off of
the chair and made my way over to the man so angry that I could literally feel
the heat of it radiating from off of his face.
“He’s gone again” his yelling continued. “That’s it Michael. This is the last
straw. I told you if he did this again that he was gone and I meant it. The
only reason I gave him another chance the last time was because of you…but not
this time. I want him out of the band for good” I could have tried to fight
him…could have tried to explain to him why it was that Brian had once again
stormed off before a gig…leaving us to cancel another show…but as I gazed into
the face of the man I had come to love as a father figure I decided not to. I
couldn’t fight his fight anymore because the truth of the matter was that I was
more then a little sick and tired of it myself. I was tired of Brian leaving us
in the lurch and then having me to come behind him and clean up all the little
pieces. “I’m sorry Michael…but it is in the best interest of the band” he spoke
sadly as he gave me a quick hug…then leaving me all alone on the empty stage.
“Yeah…” I spoke to no one in particular as I motioned for the roadie standing
off to the side to start packing up our instruments. I didn’t know what to do
or where to go…but what I did know was that I was not ready to go home and I
sure as hell wasn’t ready to face the man that I wanted to beat into a bloody
pulp. “Hey Ben…how about that drink” I called over to the man still sitting at
the table I had just left. I couldn’t help the small smile that quickly covered
my face as he threw one of his my way as I made my way back over to the table.
Hours passed before I even knew it and despite the strange circumstances at our
first meeting by the end of the evening I had developed a great fondness for
Ben. He was smart…he was sweet and he was so good looking that it nearly took
my breath away each time that he graced me with one of those beautiful smiles.
“Is there anyplace that I can drop you off” he asked as we made our way out of
Woody’s. Looking at my watch and knowing the late hour I knew that I should get
over to Brian’s and deal with the aftermath of what had happened earlier…but I
just didn’t feel like it.
“Can we just walk for a bit” I asked…hoping like hell that he said yes and when
he did…just like before I felt my heart start doing flip-flops. We walked in
silence for a while before he broke it with his questions about the
relationship between Brian and myself. “Well we met when we were fourteen. From
the first moment that I met him I knew that he was different…knew that he was
trouble…but there was just something about him that called out to me. I was a
total geek back then…of course nothings changed now” I laughed as we continued
to walk…blushing completely when he told me that he thought that I was the
complete opposite of a geek…but I am getting off topic. “We had a couple of
classes together…but it wasn’t until sixth period gym class that we officially
got to meet and the rest was history” I remembered fondly those days of our
youth before the line between friendship and lover blurred into one. “It was
his first day in class and he was already faking a twisted ankle in order to
get out of running track. The coach excused him…but not before he told him that
he needed someone to help him to the nurses office and that someone was me.
Needless to say we never made it to the nurses office” I laughed once again
remembering how scared I was when Brain suggested that we skip the rest of the
day. “I was terrified” I continued to tell Ben my tale. “But as he smiled down
on me with that cocky grin and there was no way that I could deny him anything.
We’ve been best friends ever since that day. Always there for each
other…helping each other through the tough times…loving each other
unconditionally”
“Sounds like you really love him” he spoke and I could have sworn that I heard
a twinge of sadness laced around those words. “However…I just chalked it up to
wishful thinking and moved on.
“Yeah…but sometimes I…” I stopped myself short not wanting to pull Ben into the
emotional baggage that was the story of Mikey and Brian. “Nothing…never mind”
“Sometimes you what Michael” he questioned and I could tell that he truly
wanted to know as he placed his hand gently upon my shoulder and gave me his
undivided attention.
“Sometimes I just don’t think that I am in love with him anymore. I mean I love
him…but sometimes I wish that we had never crossed that line into lovers. Does
that make sense” I asked feeling like such as ass to be laying so much shit on
a man that I had just met only a few hours before…much less the long lost
brother of Brian’s.
“It makes perfect sense” he spoke in comforting words as the hand that laid on
my shoulder tightened. “Besides you seem to forget that I am his brother. I
remember how he used to drain the very energy from everyone that he met” he
chuckled. “I loved my brother very much…but sometimes he just got to be too
much to handle”
“Is that why you left” I continued my line of questioning…quickly regretting it
at the look of pure and utter sadness that over came his face. “Ben…Omg…I am so
sorry. I had no right to ask you that…please forgive me” I begged as I mentally
kicked myself for being so thoughtless…despite the fact that it was killing me
not to know what the hell had happened in their past.
“I want to tell you Michael…really I do and I will…but for right now I need to
talk to Brain before I do that” the sadness in his voice was heartbreaking as I
did something that was so unlike me…I pulled him into my arms but not before I
placed a quick kiss upon lips that had had me mesmerized from the moment he
spoke those first words to me. He didn’t seem to mind as he leaned into my
embrace as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “So does this mean that you
will help me Michael”
With quick and decisive measures I gave him the answer he was searching for as
I released the hold that I had on him. “Yes…I’ll help you Ben. Now how about
that ride you offered me” His smile of happiness was nearly blinding and I
found that it was something that I longed to see again and again and no matter
what happened between Brian and Ben…or Brian and myself it was something that I
was going to ensure to see often.
I decided to bite the bullet and have him drop me off at Brian’s loft. I knew
that I was going to have to face him sooner or later and I figured the sooner
the better. I still didn’t know what I was going to say to him. How I was going
to explain to him that he was no longer part of a band that he had helped
create with me nearly five years ago…but I knew I had to for the sake of the
band and maybe myself. We exchanged numbers before I excited the car promising
to call him as soon as I could the next day. He graced me with another dazzling
smile before leaning over and brushing his lips across my equally smiling ones.
“Goodnight Michael” he said softly…his perfectly defined cheeks radiating the
cutest hint of a blush.
“Night Ben” I returned my own blush spreading across my face. I stood on the
corner as his car disappeared from sight before pulling a deep breath into my
lungs as I prepared for the battle I knew was about to ensue. I didn’t know how
tired I truly was until I entered the loft and made my way towards the bedroom.
With each step closer the sounds echoed louder and louder around me and despite
the fact that I wanted to bolt out of there and never go back…I knew that I had
to continue forward. The smell of sex permeated the air as I continued on my
journey of self-discovery…my breath coming in short and fearful pants as I
forced my feet to continue towards its destination. I already knew what I was
going to find as I climbed the two stairs leading to the bedroom of sin…but
what I found there instead shocked and stunned me beyond belief.
“Mikey…come and join the party” Brian drawled…clearly drunk or high as he
pounded some trick kneeling ass backwards before him…but that wasn’t the worst
of it for there were at least three other men in the bed beside him. “There’s
no shortage of dick tonight Mikey” he laughed evilly at me as he continued with
his fuck…fully oblivious or uncaring to my shattering heart. I still don’t know
why it hurt as much as it did that night because in truth that was not the
first time that I had found Brian in a compromising position when we were once
again back together…but as I continued to stand there it nearly destroyed me.
"Fuck you mother fucker” I cried out tearfully as I turned to leave…only to
change my mind as I ran back to the bottom of the stairs. “And you are out of
the band you son of a bitch” I cried out madly as I once again made a mad dash
for the front door…however he was quicker as he raced out of the room grabbing
brutally onto my arm as he spun me around to face him.
“You can’t fucking do that…I created this band. Without me you would be
nothing” he screamed madly and with each word the pressure of his grip
tightened upon my already tender arms.
“It’s done…your gone” I laughed madly…not caring that I sounded
hysterical…because at that particular time that was exactly what I was. “I hate
you…do you hear me…I fucking hate you. It’s no wonder your brother left you all
those years ago” I continued with my rampage the room spinning around me from
the sheer horror of what I had seen and then in an instant the spinning stopped
as my world went completely black.
When I came to the next morning…I had no idea what had happened as I woke up
nearly nude and in Brian’s bed. Stretching and with a yawn I cried out in pain
as sharp pain flashed across the left side of my face. My arms were aching and
my head hurt as I crawled across his sheet stripped bed…stumbling into the
bathroom a look of pure shock upon my black and blue face as I took my first
glimpse into the mirror before me. “OMG…” I cried out in shock and in pain as I
touched the tender flesh as the memories of mere hours before bombarded me.
Finding Brian in his bed as a hoard of tricks surrounded him…him knocking me
unconscious as his fist came in contact with my unsuspecting face. Tears blazed
from my darkened eyes as I rushed back into his room…still unclear on how I had
ended up in his bed and just where the hell my clothes were.
“I’m sorry Mikey” I heard him speak as he wrapped his arms around my waist as
he walked up to me from behind. I froze as I awaited another dose of what I had
received before and when he didn’t utter a word I took a deep breath and pulled
out of his grasp.
“Where…where are my clothes” I asked as I crossed to the other side of the room
in an attempt to get as much space between us as possible.
“I was going to wash them” he spoke oddly as he walked out into the living room
and came back with them in his hands. “There was blood on them and…and…OMG
Mikey” he cried out as he fell to the floor in a jumbled heap. “I didn’t mean
to hit you…didn’t mean to hurt you” his cries of pain went on as he continued
to hold my bloodied clothes to his chest. “I was so angry and then I just lost
it. I hit you…I’ve never hit you before. I want to die…I just want to die
Mikey” he sobbed as I pushed away every thought of my own pain in an attempt to
sooth his. Falling to my knees I pulled him into my arms as I hugged him to my
chest…fighting the urge to cry out in pain as he latched onto my shivering
frame forcefully. “Please tell me you can forgive me Mikey…I can’t live with
myself if you won’t forgive me”
I wanted to fight him…wanted to push him away and tell him to follow through
with his words and stop living…but it was Brian and I never had been able to
resist him in the past and I wasn’t about to start then no matter the extent of
my injuries. “I forgive you Brian” I sobbed as I gave into my internal pain in
the form of unabashed tears of heartache and pain. I knew that everything at
that moment was about to change. I knew that the love that I once held so
dearly for Brian was gone and in its place fear and un-trust. I don’t know how
long we stayed there…don’t know how it was that we made it over to the bed…but
once the sounds of un-fitful slumber overcame him…I was gone.
With painful steps I climbed the two stories towards the apartment that I
shared with my good friend and work partner Justin. I prayed that he was still
asleep as I slipped as quietly as I could into the darkened apartment…but the
fates were not on my side as I came face to face with what appeared to be a
bathroom bound man. “Holy shit…what the hell happened to you” he questioned me
puzzled as he stood before me with a look of pure shock across his young face.
“I don’t want to talk about it” I spoke abruptly as I tried to brush my way
past him…but as I knew he would he was having none of it as he jumped before me
once again hindering my attempts.
“He did this didn’t he?” he questioned…knowing the answer already before I
answered him. “Jesus Christ Michael…when is it going to be enough? When you are
fucking dead?” he went on…grabbing onto my arms only to left go promptly as I
cried out in sheer pain. “Oh Michael…”
“Leave it alone boy wonder” I spoke sadly as I called him by the nickname I had
pegged him with years earlier. I tried to fight him as he pulled me into his
arms…but I had no fight left as I finally allowed every single thing that I had
learned and had happened rain over me. Within minutes I was a blubbering mess
as he continued to hold me and smother me with words and loving friendship.
“Thank you Justin” I sobbed…once I had pretty much gotten myself under control
as I kissed him tenderly upon his lips. “I love you”
“I love you too superman” he replied through his own tears and he kissed me
back softly. “But Michael this has to stop” he went on as he led me to the
sofa…pulling me into his arms once we sat down. “You have to press charges”
“No…I…I can’t do that to him” I cried out in defiance as I jerked away from the
sanctuary of his arms as I began to pace the length of the room. “It would kill
him if he ended up in jail”
“Oh you mean like how he could have killed you last night” he screamed
frustrated.
“It’s not that bad” I defended his actions once again as I planted my bone
weary body before the window of the tiny living room.
“Not from where I am standing Michael” he spoke softly as he walked up behind
me once again covering my shivering frame with his form. “You may think that
your superman Michael…but you are far from it”
“I just can’t Justin…please just try and understand” I begged as I turned and
fell into his arms.
“I don’t understand why you continue to defend him after everything that he has
done to you…but I will respect your decision. But I want you to tell me what
the fuck happened and don’t you dare leave anything out” So for the rest of the
morning I filled my closest friend…besides Brian in on everything that had
happened. I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head when I told him
about Ben and how he seemed to be the complete opposite of Brian in every way.
However it was nothing compared to the vein that threatened to explode from his
forehead as I told him about Brian’s actions after finding him the way that I
did. After our little talk I was so exhausted that I had to have Justin
literally walk me to my bedroom. I fell immediately into a fitful sleep as
visions of Brain and Ben invaded my thoroughly fucked up mind.
It was well after noon before I pulled my achingly sore body of out bed as I
made my way towards the bathroom for a desperately needed shower. I was still
so tired…but I had so many things to do that day and although the thought of
falling back under the covers for the rest of my life was great…I forced myself
to move as I entered the living room and noticed the flashing button of the
answering machine. With trembling fingers I pressed the play button as I
awaited the onslaught that I knew was about to happen. Sure enough the first
seven messages were from Brian as he begged me for forgiveness. There were a
couple from Justin asking me to call him at the comic book store that we both
co-owned together once I got up…but most important there were several concerned
filled ones from Ben that caused me to lose it completely.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and don’t recognized the person that is
staring back at you? Well that day was exactly how I felt. There I was standing
before my reflection after an hour-long shower and I felt as if I had no clue
who the hell I was looking at. Everything had changed so much in the previous
five years …so much so that sometimes I didn’t feel like my life was even my
own. I owned my own comic book shop which had been a dream of mine for as long
as I could remember…but then the dream expanded when Justin and I started our
own gay version comic book and it literally took off. I didn’t think that life
could have gotten any better then that…but then the garage band that Brian and
I had formed years before hand began to become popular among the locals. We
started out at local bars and clubs and then moved on up into the college
circuit and despite the fact that we were ecstatic about our success…it was
nothing compared to what was going to happen…but that is for another part of
the story. I wanted to cry as I continued to stare fixated at the face in the
mirror…but the truth was that there was no more tears for me to cry. At that
point I was numb…was lost and the fact of the matter was I felt like I was
never going to get my life back under any sort of control.
“Don’t you believe in answering the fucking phone?” Justin screamed…jerking me
awake as I slept on the sofa after deciding to forget about everything and
sleep the day away. “I was scared shitless Michael” he continued to nag as he
fell onto the couch beside me…pulling me into his arms. “Jesus Michael…” I
could hear the fear in his voice and it caused a tug in my heart at the amount
of love that he truly held for me.
“I’m ok boy wonder…just sore” I tried to sooth as I allowed him to pull me
deeper into his embrace.
“Michael…” I heard a familiar voice speak quietly behind me…causing me to yelp
in fear and shame as I jerked out of Justin’s arms and made my way towards the
other side of the room.
“What the fuck is he doing here” I cried out in anger over my shoulder and I
continued with my pretend fascination with the wall.
“He called the store looking for you and I told him what happened and…”
“You had no right to do that Justin” I spat out even angrier as I spun to face
him. “You brought a perfect stranger into our…into my problems” I continued
with my wrath as I rushed over to where he continued to gape at me from the
sofa. However…all travel came to an abrupt halt at the near deafening gasp that
echoed around us as Ben saw the true extent of my injuries.
“Son of a bitch” he cried out as he rushed over to where I stood cemented in
the middle of the room. “He did this to you?” he questioned as we stood face to
face. I wanted to fall into his strong and rippling arms and have him erase all
the pain…but at the same time a severe case of stubbornness set in as I gave
him the dirtiest look I could muster before nearly bounding across the room in
order to get as far away from him as I could.
“I’m fine…” I lied…jutting out my lip in defiance as I crossed my severely
bruised arms across my chest. “What the hell did you bring him here for?” I
screamed as Justin once again. “He doesn’t belong here” I wanted to take my
words back at the look of hurt that crossed Ben’s handsome face…but before I
had a chance to take any of it back…a look of pure and utter hate replaced said
hurt. “Ben…”
“What the fuck are you doing here” I heard the pissed off voice of Brian
question behind me…causing me to nearly fall to the floor as I turned to face
him.
“Brian…” I gasped in fear and fright…but he wasn’t paying any attention to me
because he only had eyes for one other person in that room and I knew that my
day was about to get much worse…if it ever got better.
“I said what the fuck are you doing here” he bit out once again as he stepped
closer to where I stood in shock…causing me to flinch out of his reach as he
tried to place his hands upon me. I could see the hurt in his eyes…but I just
couldn’t be there for him anymore…not after what had happened less then eight
hours before hand. “Mikey…” he whispered sadly as he reached out once again to
touch me…a look of heartbreak floating across his eyes as I practically raced
across the room to stand beside his brother. “You’ve…you’ve turned him against
me” his accusation reverberated over us as he began to take steps towards me.
“You keep your fucking$ hands off of him” I heard Justin cry out as he jumped
within his path. “Don’t you think that you’ve done enough damage for one day”
“Brian no…” I cried out as I watched as if in slow motion as he crushed his
fist together before aiming it at the defiant lad standing before him.
Flashbacks of an earlier episode rained over me as I tried to stop the carnage
that I knew was sure to come…but Ben was quicker as with the greatest of ease
he sent the great Brian Kinney flying across the room where he landed with a
thud upon his sorry ass.
“Are you ok” he asked Justin as he walked back over to where I stood wide-eyed
and trembling.
“Yeah…fine…thanks” he replied stubbornly as he glared at an unspeaking Brian as
he continued to lie upon the floor.
“Michael…are you ok” he questioned me next and the concern in his voice and in
his eyes was nearly my undoing.
“I’m ok…” I spoke softly…laying my hand upon his shoulder as I gave it a tender
squeeze. “Really…I am” I tried to control it…but it was near impossible as a
real smile quickly covered my face. I couldn’t help it because as I quickly
learned whenever he was near me I felt safe and protected despite the ugliness
that was going on around me. I was so lost in the blueness of his eyes that I
barely heard the lost and tortured cry of the man who at one time had inhabited
my heart fully.
“Mikey…please” he pleaded as he pulled himself into a standing position once
again moving towards me. Instantly Ben was standing before me…hands behind his
back as they covered the sides of my heaving chest. “I love you Mikey…I need
you” his begging went on as I continued to hide behind the squared shoulder of
the man that I was growing quite a fondness for.
“You don’t know what love is” Ben spat as he took another small step backwards
until I was pressed against his manly back. I was speechless…confused and more
then a little upset for I knew yet again that another eruption was about to hit
from Mt. Saint Brian before the night was over and somehow or other I knew that
there was going to be bloodshed.
“You don’t know a fucking thing about me” Brian shrieked as he took yet another
step forward.
“I know that you’re slowly turning into our fucking father” he accused…my heart
racing in my chest as I clutched fearfully at the knit shirt fitting snugly to
his body.
“What the hell do you know about our father? You left your life and your family
ten years ago. You have no idea what our father was like…have no idea the hell
that we had to endure because of your departure. You lived your perfect little
life and you fucked it for the rest of us…but not anymore. Now get the fuck
away from my man before I beat the shit out of you” he screamed yet
again…taking yet another step towards the two of us as the tremors already
wreaking havoc on my body intensified to another degree.
"Fuck you Brian…” were Ben’s words of anger as he himself stepped forward
leaving me alone and vulnerable against the reality of the situation. “You
don’t know shit about my life. You have no idea the hell that I went though
growing up. You think that my life was all sunshine and roses…well fucking
think again and…” No other words were allowed to be expressed as I watched in
sheer terror as Brian lunged for his brother…knocking them both to the ground
as a horrendous fight ensured. Punches were thrown…words of anger and pain were
expressed as Justin and I continued to stand off at the sidelines watching him
in admiration of the great pounding that Brian was receiving from Ben. I knew
that I should have done something to stop it…but I couldn’t because my @#%$
feet would not move one single inch.
“We need to stop this” I uttered slightly and at first I didn’t think that
Justin had heard me…but as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled
me into his warm embrace I knew that he had.
“No Michael…this is exactly what Brian deserves” he spoke…not once taking his
eyes off of the carnage taking place before us. “He won’t listen to simple
reason with mere words and in truth this is just a small sample of what he
truly deserves after what he did to you last night and has done to you in the
past.” I wanted to disagree with him…wanted to defend Brian for what he had
done…but at that time I just could not. Brian had hurt me not only physically
but also emotionally and I just wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be able to
forgive him for the amount of pain that was permeating my very soul at his hand
and his actions.
Ben…in no small surprise was no match for Brian as moments after the war began
it was over with Ben as the obvious victor. I wanted to run to Ben and fall
into his arms as he soothed away my terror and pain…but I could not at the look
of pure devastation that placated Brian’s quickly bruising face. I could feel
myself getting sucked into those hazel depths of beauty that had trapped me
time and time again for too many years to count. However…I fought back as I
forced myself away from their tractor beams as I buried my face within the
protective crevice of Justin’s neck…but soon my pretend safety was cut short at
the words that flew from Ben’s mouth next.
“You think that my life was so wonderful Brian?” he screamed out…tears flowing
freely from his beautiful blue eyes as he stood before the man still sitting on
the ground. “You think that you know the real reason that I left you and the
family ten years ago…but you have no fucking idea what my life has been like”
his pain filled words continued as he strode over to Brain…ripping his skin
tight shirt from his body…my breath catching in my throat at the sight before
me. “These…” he screamed as he pointed to his chest. “Are the reason that I had
to leave because if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be standing before you today”
***Warning*** This chapter deals with extreme cruelty. Please read
with caution. Stormy!!!
 
"Oh Ben…" I cried out in shock as I ran over to the man whom looked as if his
whole world was coming to an end. With the swiftest of movements I wrapped my
arms around his neck as I pulled him as tightly against my body as I could as I
prayed like hell that it would be enough to stop the trembling that I felt
blazing throughout his entire body. "Shhh…Ben I'm here for you. It's going to
be ok…I promise" my vows continuing as I tightened the hold that I held on him.
"Thank you…" he sobbed softly as he kissed me tenderly upon my lips before
turning back to face the man he was desperate to get through to. "Our father
did this to me when he found my boyfriend and I making out in my room one
night" he spoke sadly as he pointed at the
many fine lined scars that stood out against his darkened skin. "He went into a
rage and started beating Jamie with his fists until he finally got away and
then once he was gone he tuned all his brutality upon me. I tried to get away
from him…but as you recall back then I was a skinny bean poll and he was much
faster. At first he started
out beating me with his fists…but then when he grew tired of that he pulled out
his pocketknife and began to taunt me. Again I tried to get away…but each time
that I did he would run the blade across my chest. I can still feel the pain
from not only the blade but from the horrible words that he called me" his
sobbing began to grow louder through the deadly silent room as I stood behind
him in complete and utter shock that any man could be so hateful towards his
own flesh and blood.
"I don't know how long his beating went on because after the third or fourth
slash I lost consciousness. When I woke up I found myself locked in what
appeared to be a jail cell. I could hear faint voices but my mind was still so
foggy that I couldn't make out who or what they were saying. I didn't know
where I was and I didn't care
because as long as I was away from him I knew that I would be ok and yet I
could not have been more wrong" his words of heartache continued as he leaned
defeated against me. Without question or regard for anyone else but Ben…I
wrapped my arms around his waist as I led him towards the sofa.
"Ben don't" I attempted to stop him from speaking as he opened his mouth as in
an attempt to speak…only to close it back as another bout of painful tears
blazed across his face.
"I have to Michael…he has to know the whole truth" he spoke through his
tears…taking a huge intake of fresh air before he continued to speak. "I prayed
that my torture was over…but it was far from it. As it turned out my torture
was just beginning and would continue for the next two years. The voices I
heard were the voices of our town's
finest police officers. I don't know if you remember or not Brian…but our
father was always quite chummy with the cops in our hometown. It was the only
way that he didn't get his ass locked up time after time for being drunk and
disorderly. He made up this elaborate story about how I was a queer who had
tried to molest his youngest son" he spoke softly staring at Brian as he
continued to sit on the floor with his knees tucked tightly to his chest. "He
told them that I tried to molest you" he sobbed…clutching at my hand so tightly
that I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying out.
I watched as Justin fell stunned into a nearby chair…a look of pure shock
plastered across his face. I could understand that look for it was the same
look that I knew placated my own face…as well as Brian's as Ben went on with
his story.
"Like I said…" he went on as he removed himself from the sofa we had been
sitting and pulling his shirt over his head as he began to pace the small
living area. "My torture was far from over. After that they came into the room
that I was in and then all hell broke loose. They started with their
tauntings…calling me hurtful and hateful names that being that young I had
never even heard before. One would
scream in my ear as another would smack me in the head. Back and forth these
two men abused me and just when I thought that I couldn't get any worse…it got
a whole hell of a lot worse. I didn't even realize that a third man was in the
room until he walked up in front of me…punching me so hard in the face that I
literally flew backwards. I didn't even have a chance to hit the ground before
the
other two men grabbed onto me and held me down on the floor. I was screaming
bloody murder…fighting like hell to escape whatever ghoulish torture they had
coming up next for me…but with the hold that they had on me I couldn't move a
muscle"
A cold fear quickly inhabited me as I continued to listen to Ben's horrifying
tale from the past. I wanted to run to him…pull him into my arms and protect
him from the memories that he was forcing himself to relive…but I knew better
as I grabbed onto Justin's hand and held on as if for dear life. I watched his
back stiffen…watched the tears that rained down his already wet cheeks as he
turned to face Brian from where he still sat unspeaking on the floor.
"I was still bleeding pretty badly from where Jack had cut me with his blade
and the pain was horrible…but it was nothing compared to the pain of having
salt water sprayed upon open wounds" we all cringed at his words watching as he
wrapped his arms around his chest a look of remembered pain etched across his
normally handsome face. "As they held me down the third man had what appeared
to be a
large spray bottle I quickly found out was filled with salt water. I have never
felt such pain in my life as he emptied the entire bottle across my gaping
wounds. I screamed until I was unable to scream anymore…fought them tooth and
nail until I couldn't move a single muscle and still my torture didn't stop. I
was near unconsciousness when a forth man entered the cell I was in. He was a
horrible looking man with rotting teeth and a stench that soon had me wide
awake and utterly petrified. Before I even had a chance to know what was
happening I was tied to the bed that was located in the corner of the tiny cell
and that disgusting man was coming towards me. Again I tried to scream…but my
throat was so raw that not a sound came out…I tried to escape my restraints but
they had my hands and feet shackled
to the bed posts as I lay on my stomach. I knew what was coming next as they
each left the cell…leaving me with the man that was about to take away my
innocence"
I didn't want to hear anymore as I once again dove for shelter within the arms
of Justin…tears blazing down my face. My heart was utterly broken as I pulled
my gaze from Ben as I looked upon the shattered carcass of Brian. He looked as
if he was about to faint as he lay against the longness of the wall behind him
for support…pulling in
large sums of air as he stared at his tearful brother. I knew that Ben's story
must have been tearing him apart inside and as much as I wanted to end his
pain…I knew that he had to hear Ben's words in order to make amends with the
brother that wanted to be a part of his life so desperately.
"I really don't remember what happened after that" he sobbed…sitting on the
over stuffed chair located at the other side of the room. "All I remember is
feeling him straddle my legs…him ripping the pajama bottoms that I had on off
of my body and then the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my life as he
rammed himself into me" he didn't speak for long moments of time as he closed
his
eyes and began to draw air into his lungs like Brian had been doing as well. "I
woke up days later in a juvenile hospital unable to speak as I prayed like hell
for death to take me…but as you can see it never did" he chuckled
sadly…glancing over at me quickly before pulling his eyes away. "I was shipped
from one juvenile home to the
next over the course of that first year as they tried to rehabilitate the child
molester as they liked to call me. When they thought that I was "cured" he
gestured with his fingers as he went on with his tale. "I was placed in a
foster care home. My foster father was a drunk…just like our father who beat me
and his two other foster children for any reason whatsoever. His wife was a
mousy lady who
took the brunt of his rantings more then any of us kids did…but she never let
any of us see it…despite the fact that we knew what was really happening"
More tears flowed from his eyes as he closed them and took a few more cleansing
breaths before beginning once again. "I loved her so much. She was more of a
mother to me then our own mother ever was and then one day we came home from
school and she was being hauled off on a covered stretcher while our foster
father was being carted
away to jail for murdering her. I was placed back in the foster system for
another year of pure hell and torture. There I was taunted and beaten by the
staff and some of the other kids placed there. My spirit was broken and on more
then one occasion I begged for death to take me…I even tried to move it along
myself…but one of the staff found me bleeding all over the bathroom floor half
dead after slitting my wrists with a rusty butchers knife I had stolen
from the kitchen earlier that day"
Gasps of pure shock and terror expelled from the lips of Justin and myself as
we continued to clutch at each other's stunned forms. Here was a man that
neither of us really knew pouring out the most horrendous events of his life
and all we wanted to do was take all the pain away. I could tell that Justin
felt the same with just one look in his every blue eyes filled with unshed
tears. Without a word
said on either of our parts we both removed ourselves from the sofa as we made
our way over to where Ben continued to sit in silence. Falling to my knees
before him…I took his hand into my own…willing all my warmth and support into
that trembling hand as Justin did the same…taking his other hand as we willed
him on with his story. Brian was forgotten as we focused all our attention to
the man smiling
softly down at us as he took yet another deep breathe before starting again.
"After my attempted suicide they moved me to another foster care home and in
the beginning I hated it. The family was nice enough…but I had been abused so
much that I was petrified to let anyone get close enough to touch me again…to
love me again. However…they were persistent and more then willing to prove to
me that things in my life were about to change for the better. True to their
word…with
lots of counseling and my great surprise we became a family. They pushed me to
get serious about school…I even made some friends. Because of them my life was
completely different and a year and a half after moving in I legally changed my
name…that's where the Bruckner came from" he said looking at a silent Brian
across the room.
"Well congratulations to you Mr. Bruckner" he finally broke his vow of silence
as he pulled himself from off of the floor. "While you were finding yourself a
new family Clair and I were left to defend ourselves with our own problems" he
spit out…as I fought the urge to get up and beat the fucking shit out of him.
Because despite the fact that Brian and his sister Clair did have a shitty life
growing up…it was nothing compared to Ben's life.
"I may have found myself a new family Brian…but I never once stopped thinking
about you and Clair or stopped loving you. Once I got settled with the
Bruckner's I wrote you and Clair every single week. I never received a
response…but that didn't detour me from writing you and then one day a letter
came back stating that you had moved and they were unable to forward it. I was
devastated because even though I never got a response from you…I always held
hope that you
were at least reading my letters and realizing how much I still loved you"
"Bullshit…I never got one fucking letter" Brian screamed…pacing the room like a
cages animal…but I could see by the look in his eyes that even he didn't doubt
Ben's words.
"Brian…I swear I sent them" he spoke softly…gracing Justin and I with another
smile before leaving our sides and making his way over to where Brian stood. "I
never stopped loving you and Clair and hopping against hope that one day I
would find you and we could try and piece our family back together" he took a
tenitive step in front of the man
whose hazel eyes were boring holes into his own. "I love you Brian…you have to
believe that" yet another step taken as he stood fully before him…slowly
reaching his arms out as he attempted to pull Brian into his brotherly embrace.
Once again grabbing onto Justin's hand I waited of baited breath as if in pain
stackingly slow motion he completed his task. For what felt like long moments
of time the two
brothers just held each other…eyes closed as they relished the fact that they
were once again together…but in true Brian fashion it didn't last long. I knew
what was coming before it happened because the same thing had happened to me
before…but as usual I was powerless to stop it. With precise movement he placed
his hand around the contours of Ben's face…kissing him quickly upon his lips
before releasing his hold as he literally sprinted for the door.
"Brian…wait" Ben called out to him as I got up off of the floor as I made my
way over to the man that I knew would need me.
"Let him go…it's what he does when situations get to be too much for him" I
soothed…pulling him into my arms as I held his shivering…tear ravaged frame.
"When will he come back?" he questioned through his tears.
"Later today…tomorrow…six months from now…its varies" I spoke truthfully as I
placed my hand along the side of his handsome face. "It's what he needs to do
to work his way through what he has learned today" I continued…wiping at the
spilling tears with the pad of my thumb. "Come on…you look exhausted" I went
on…taking his hand as I led his unfighting form into my darkened bedroom. As in
an all
to familiar scene I quietly undressed him down to his underwear as I assisted
him into my bed and under the protection of the covers. "Get some rest and we
can talk some more when you are up to it"
"Thank you Michael…" he whispered as he peered up at me with the saddest eyes I
had ever witnessed before.
"I didn't do anything" I replied confused…smiling down at him softly.
"No…you did" he responded adamantly. "You gave me the strength to tell Brian
about my life…your taking care of me now and…"
"Get some rest" I spoke softly…as I leaned down and kissed him upon the
softness of his cheek.
"Michael…" I heard him whisper my name shyly as I made my way towards the
bedroom door.
"Yes Ben…"
"I know that I don't have the right to ask you this but will you lie with me"
he sounded so sad and unsure that there was no way that I was going to turn him
down. I didn't say a word as I too stripped myself down to nothing but my
underwear…slipping under the covers that he held open for me as I pulled him
tightly within my embrace.
Immediately the room was filled with despair filled sobs of outright pain as I
continued to hold him…soothing him…kissing away his tears until exhaustion
finally overtook him.
I tried to relax enough to get some sleep…but it was pointless as I carefully
slide out from the bed I was sharing with Ben and made my way as quietly as
possible into the kitchen. "Hey…" I whispered to Justin as he sat on the small
counter top waiting for some water to boil in the kettle…herbal tea bags
littering the counter near him. "Couldn't sleep either" I asked already knowing
the answer because I knew that the only time that Justin drank herbal tea was
when he couldn't sleep.
"Not a wink…" he replied…holding his arms out to me as I slide easily into
them. "Are you doing ok? Are you in any pain? Are you…"
"I'm fine Justin" I assured as I snuggled even deeper into my closest friends
embrace. "I love you Justin…you know that right?" I asked staring into his
shimmering eyes. "We may not be family by blood…but you are my family and I
love you"
"I know and I feel the same way" he soothed…kissing me lovingly upon my lips
before placing his chin upon my head as I laid it against his chest. "Michael…"
he broke the easy silence that surrounded us moments later. "What do you think
that Brian will do now that he knows that truth about his brother?" he
asked…releasing me as he jumped off of the counter to pour us some tea.
"I think that he will disappear for awhile" was my answer as I took the mug
that he offered me as we made our way over towards the dining room table. "He
needs to sort out everything that he has heard tonight and then when he is
ready he will come back and deal with it"
"So…it's over between you and Brian" he asked shyly…glancing at me over his
coffee mug as if waiting for an outburst of some sort. "Really over this time?"
"It's really over this time" I guaranteed with a small smile. "I love
Brian…always have…but we were never meant to cross that line" I went on…placing
my mug on the table before me. "I don't' know where Brian and I stand right
now…but we can deal with that once he comes back…if he comes back" I spoke
under my breath as tears again began to mist my eyes.
"What about big Ben in there?" he giggled slightly…pointing in the direction of
my partially closed bedroom door. "What's going to happen with him?"
"I don't know" I blushed. "Something…maybe nothing but friendship…but I now
that I know he exists I won't just let him disappear from my life"
"He really is one hell of a fine looking specimen of a man isn't he" his
giggles continued as he to began to blush.
"Oh Jesus…he's beautiful" I laughed back…glad that we were able to lift the fog
that seemed to have surrounded our humble little apartment.
Two Years Later…
"Do you think that he will make it" I asked for like the hundredth time as I
once again began fidgeting with the tie that I felt was strangling the air out
of my lungs for what felt like the thousandth.
"Jesus Michael will you get control of yourself" Justin scolded me as he once
again adjusted my tie for me. "He said that he would be here and I am sure that
he will be true to his word" he repeated the answer he had given me to many
times for me to count.
"I know…I know" I stammered nervously as I reached for my tie once
again…laughing out loud as Justin swatted my hand away from it before giving me
the death look from hell. "So…how do I look?" I asked twirling around in a
circle giving him the full extent of my ensemble.
"You look absolutely ravishing" I heard an all to familiar voice reply behind
me as I twirled around…rushing into his arms before he even had a chance to
utter another word.
"You made it" I exclaimed as I littered his face with many of my love filled
kisses. "Justin was worried that you weren't going to make it…but I knew that
you wouldn't not be here for my special day" I laughed…ducking my head quickly
as a hairbrush came sailing my way from Justin.
"Of course not baby…it's not everyday that I man that I love wins an award for
best new artist" he grinned…kissing me hungrily and toughly as I continued to
pin myself to his glorious body.
"I…I…haven't won yet" I panted…after breaking off our passionate display of
affection.
"You will…" was his plain response as he kissed me once again before releasing
me as he made his way over to the door of my make shift dressing room. "I have
a surprise for you baby" he spoke almost giddily as he placed his hand upon the
doorknob…grinning at me in a way that had me literally shaking in my boots in
anticipation. "This
is the reason that I was late" he laughed easily as he opened the door…causing
my mouth to fall open in complete and utter surprise.
"Brian…" I whispered stunned as he stood nervously before me. For what felt
like forever we just stared at each other…sizing each other up if you will as
we tried to decide how our long awaited reunion was going to play out. He
looked completely different…but not just in the physical sense. I can't really
explain it more then this…he had an aura about him that just screamed out
maturity…of growing up. His
eyes were different as well. Oh they were still the deepest shade of hazel that
could suck you into them every time you gazed into them…but they spoke of
hardship and of ones coming to terms with the past and the future. He was
different…but I could see that some of his glorious luster was still present as
he graced me with his world
famous lopsided grin of death.
"Hey Mikey…" he spoke through that grin as he rushed over to where I
stood…enveloping me within his embrace as I closed my eyes and relished the
very idea that once again that man was back in my life.
"Welcome back Brian" I whispered against his ears as all the pain and regret of
the previous years melted away…because none of that mattered any longer. He was
back in my arms…back in my life and as long as I had anything to do with it he
would be forever. We shared an all to familiar kiss…but it was quickly cut
short as a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist…pulling me away from his
warmth.
"I thought I was the only one that got to kiss you like that" Ben
teased…nipping playfully at my earlobe before laying his chin upon my shoulder.
"No…you're the only one who gets to fuck me like crazy" I quipped…trying to
control my laughter as I spun around…latching my arms around his neck as I
captured smiling lips under my own. "No worries baby" I spoke truthfully after
breaking said lip lock. "I love only you"
"And I love you..."
"Oh Jesus…here they go again" I heard Justin whine behind us as we continued to
share soft and sweet words of love and devotion.
"Are they always like this" Brian asked…laughter present in his words.
"You have no idea what it's been like having to deal with the two of them since
you left" Justin's rantings went on. "It's been pure hell"
"Are we going to let him talk about us like that" I heard Ben whisper softly
against my ear as I glanced over my shoulder…looking at my two best friends. I
knew that something was different between those two as they continued to gaze
at each other shyly from across the room. Gone was the animosity and hatred
that was always present between
those two in the early years and in its place what I hoped would bring those
two together in a completely different nature. I wanted them to be happy…just
like Ben and I were happy and if the look of pure interests in both of their
eyes were any indication I knew that I wouldn't have to wait long.
"Why don't you two get out of here and let Justin tell you about how miserable
we have made his life" I laughed…wanting some alone time with Ben before the
show anyways since it had been nearly three months since I had seen him last.
"Good idea…Brian" Justin replied hesitantly as he looked up at Brian nervously.
"I'd love to" was his instant reply as he threw the infamous Kinney grin at
Justin before reaching out his hand to him. Together they walked out the
door…but not before Justin shared one of his own world famous sunshine smiles
with Ben and I and then we were alone.
"You don't think that…" Ben began to speak…but I cut him off as I shoved him
backwards onto the couch…pouncing on top of him as long awaited need overtook
me. "You act as if you missed me or something" he laughed…his hands working
their way over my quivering backside.
"More then you can ever know" was my immediate response before leaning down and
kissing him with all the pent up love and desire that I held for him. We knew
our time was short…knew that in a matter of minutes that someone was going to
barge in and spoil our happy reunion so we hurriedly removed unnecessary
clothing. Mouths fused
together in needful abandon…hands caressed supple and fiery skin longing to be
touched. "Make love to me Ben" I begged as I roughly took his hand into my
own…placing it on my already hardened penis desperate to be touched by him. I
tried to control them…but his touch was too much as my cries of wanton passion
began to pass from my lips. I couldn't remember feeling anything as wonderful
as Ben
continued to palm my over sensitive penis…but then again my brain was on full
over load at that point and I couldn't have thought of anything else at that
time even if I wanted to.
"Baby…you have to be quiet" my lover whispered in my ear playfully… his tongue
tracing the outer edge as another burst of sounds sprang forward from my
throat. I could see the mischievousness in his eyes as he increased the
friction of his actions for he knew that I was extremely vocal when it came to
sex…and he loved every minute of it.
"Ben…please" I cried out…digging my fingers into the tender flesh of his back
as he nipped and licked his way down my body. I was in heaven…glorious heaven
as he quickly gave into my need…nearly devouring my oozing dick within the
confines of a mouth that had tortured and teased me far to many times for me to
count since that first night together.
Confused as to how we got to that very point? Well don't be because it is
really this simple. Immediately after Brian left…Ben and I realized that there
was something strong between us. Neither one of us knew what it was…and we were
both to afraid to move to fast so we took it nice and slow. So slow in fact
that after six months of nothing but friendship I was about to lose my mind. I
loved Ben…and
I knew that he loved me and I was damned determined to take what we had and
move it into the right direction. I had a plan…a plan to seduce him and make
him fall under my spell…but with all great plans something is always bound to
happen and that something was Ted and Emmett. On the night of my seduction as
Ben and I made our way towards the next step of our relationship…in blew in the
terrible twosome.
"Oh god Ben…I've been waiting for this moment for so long" I sighed as he held
me tightly within his arms…our clothes in disarray all around us.
"Me too baby" he breathed heavily as he pulled me even tighter against his body
as we prepared to make love for the very first time. "Michael…I…lo…" but he
wasn't allowed to finish those words at the insistent pounding upon my
apartment door.
"Michael Charles Novotny…open this damn door now" I heard the high-pitched
voice of Emmett scream loudly through the wooden door.
"If you ignore them they will go away" I whispered…trailing my tongue along the
beautiful contours of his mouth.
"Either you let us in or we break the fucking door down" Ted's clearly
irritated voice reached through.
"Fuck…" I cried out as I jumped off of the sofa where I had Ben laying in wait
for our first time. "I am going to kill them if someone hasn't died" I
threatened…gathering our discarded clothing before pulling mine haphazardly
over my heat-induced body. I could hear Ben's laughter behind me as he too
dressed himself. "What…" I screamed in complete irritation as I threw open the
door ready to kill my two friends and band mates.
"Why the fuck haven't you answered your phone" Ted questioned angrily as the
two of them brushed past me. "Oh…don't answer that" he blushed…finding Ben
struggling to get his jeans buttoned. "Ben…" he nodded towards the man before
turning his full attention back to me. "It's finally happened Michael" he
rushed out…grabbing onto Emmett's hand as he looked up at me as if I should
know what the hell he was talking about.
"What…what's finally happened" I asked thoroughly confused as I looked between
the two of them. "What…you and Emmett finally realize that you love each other"
I asked…realizing immediately that was not the correct answer at the way Ted
dropped his hand like a hot potato…a look of pure embarrassed shock covering
his face. "Shit$…um…what I
meant was…" the ringing of the phone was my saving grace as I raced towards it
and away from the uncomfortable situation.
"Hello…" I spoke quickly into the phone…my back towards the still unspeaking
two.
"Where the hell have you been" I heard our bands manager scream through the
line as I held the hand set away from my ear in protection.
"I've been…busy" I replied with a silly grin as I looked over at a blushing
Ben.
"Well get unbusy because you are on your way to California" he went on…causing
me to almost drop the phone as he words echoed within my head. "It's finally
happened Michael. We got the recording contract and they want to see us in
California in two days. Are you listening to me Novotny?" he screamed into the
phone for extra emphasis. "It's
finally happened…your dream has come true. "Our flight leaves tomorrow at
midnight. I will meet you at the airport with our itinerary. Its time
Michael…time to show the world just how awesome you truly are"
"Everything ok" I heard the concerned voice of Ben speak behind me as he laid
his hand upon my waist in support.
"It finally happened" I replied…too stunned to do much of anything but stand
there with my mouth hanging open.
"What…what has finally happened" he asked…his concern brought up another notch.
"Record contract…California in two days" my simple words rushed out as I looked
past Ben at the two grinning madly behind me. "We did it…" I screamed as the
reality of the situation finally sunk in. "OMG…we did it"
"We did it…" their voices echoed around me as I rushed over to where they
stood…pulling them into my arms as we jumped like crazed maniacs around my tiny
apartment. "We did it…" chanted all around us as we continued with our little
dance until we were winded…but happy with what was about to happen in our
lives.
Nearly faint from all the overexertion I grabbed onto Ted to prevent myself
from falling over as I looked over to where Ben stood unspeaking with a forced
smile upon his handsome face. "Um…I'll talk to you guys later" I smiled sadly
at my friends…kissing each one upon their lips as they made their way out the
door…calling exiting greetings over their shoulder towards Ben. "Ben…" I spoke
softly as
I made my way over to where he still stood unspeaking that same grim look upon
his face.
"California huh…" he spoke sadly as he graced me with another one of those sad
smiles. "Well I guess that congratulations are in order" his smile
widened…never quite reaching his beautiful blue eyes.
"Ben…I don't know what to say" I replied…truly not knowing what to say or do
with the fragile beginnings of our relationship.
"There's nothing to say but congratulations" he replied again with that sad
smile as he leaned down and kissed me gently upon my frowning lips. "I think
that it's great" his words went on as he walked over to where mere moments
before we had been making out like bandits.
"Ben…" I whispered as I slowly made my way to where he sat on the sofa. "If you
don't want me to go then I won't go" I vowed…truly meaning it…but at the same
time not.
"What are you insane" he belted out…taking my hand into his own when I nearly
jumped out of my skin. "I would never ask you to give up your dream. It's
something that you have been working so hard for even before you met me. I
think that it's wonderful that you are finally getting your big break. You
deserve this Michael…you deserve to have your dream"
"But Ben…don't you get it…being here with you has been a dream of mine too" I
replied as I laid my hand upon his cheek as I forced him to really look at me.
"For as far back as I can remember I've dreamed of the day when I would meet
the man of my dreams. The one that would get my heart beating like crazy with
just one look…set my body on fire with just one touch and for a long time I
thought that
man was Brian…but I was wrong. Oh Ben…you're that man in my dreams. You are the
one that I have been dreaming about as I waited for you to come to me in the
flesh. I love you Ben" I blushed…but determined to make him understand the
truth to my words. "Yes…getting a record contract and making it big have always
been a dream of mine…but being here like this with you equals that just as
much"
He didn't say anything for a few moments as he tired to let my words set in…but
when then they did I quickly realized that things between us were never going
to be the same again. "I love you Michael Novotny" he sang out…pulling me
tauntly within his arms as he claimed my lips under his own in a mind numbing
kiss. The truth of the matter was that I didn't know what was going to happen
between Ben and I after that moment…but I knew that come hell or high water we
were going to be together.
It was tough at the beginning there is no denying that. With me in California
as we recoded our first album…Ben stayed behind in Pittsburgh and continued
with his teaching. I hated being apart from Ben for the long stretches of time
that always seemed to happen between us…but it only made the visits we shared
between each other
all the sweeter. We talked on the phone several times a day as the love that we
shared between each other grew by leaps and bounds with each passing one.
Our album hit the charts from its first week out and with each single that came
out it screamed right up to the top. Life was great…we were touring and
promoting our asses off and I was loving every minute of it. I didn't think
that life could get any better until the day that Ben surprised me with a visit
between the touring craziness. He told me that he loved me and wanted to spend
the rest of our lives together before he got down on one knee and proposed
right in front of everyone. I hesitated for a split second before
tackling him with an undeniable yes. Two weeks later he quit his job at the
college and moved to California taking a leave of absence from teaching so he
could tour with the band and I. Six months later he took a position at one of
the colleges here in California and life has been grand for the two of us ever
sense…except for one thing…
Brian.
I should have know that Ben was up to something when he told me one night that
he had to go back to Pittsburgh to take care of some old business. I was
curious as hell and more then a little pissed off when he refused to tell me
why or how long he was going to be gone. However…now that I know it was to go
back and make amends with Brian…I realize it was for the best. Brian had
contacted him and wanted to
work things out…but only with him. Neither one of us had heard from him since
that day that he had walked out of our lives. We didn't know where he was…or if
he was even going to come back…but he never remained far from our thoughts. I
still can't believe that he is back in our lives and just how much he continues
to change each day. Ben and I are happy and content in our life together. I
love my life…
love the way that heartache and pain brought our two love ragged souls together
where we plan to be for eternity. We still haven't tied the knot…but there is
no rush for no piece of paper will ever equivalent the commitment that is
forever written within our hearts. Life it grand…life is great as I stand by
the man who has shown me the true meaning of soul mates. We are evening
thinking about starting a family…but only time will tell.
Oh and if your wondering if we won the award of best new artist…well wonder no
more. We did…we one that awards that night as well as several others. Brian has
rejoined the band…and if even possible we sound even better then before. Our
second album is scheduled to come out later this year and if the release of the
first single off of it is any indication…then we are well on our way to
becoming the mega
stars that we hoped for from the moment we put our tiny group together.
The End…
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