Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12302904.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      All_For_the_Game_-_Nora_Sakavic
  Relationship:
      Neil_Josten/Andrew_Minyard
  Character:
      Neil_Josten, Andrew_Minyard, Cass_Spear, Drake_Spear
  Additional Tags:
      ill_tag_as_i_go_-_Freeform, Angst_with_a_Happy_Ending
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-10-08 Updated: 2018-03-02 Chapters: 4/? Words: 10376
****** Brotherly affection ******
by Levixyanage
Summary
     Mary hates her son and dumps him in an orphanage
     Cass wants her son to have a new friend and tries fostering yet
     another child
     Who will this mistery boy be?
     *Cough**cough* it's Neil
Notes
     This chapter is pretty harmless but it has some homophobia, violence
     and a few swear words. Enjoy
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
MARY 'S POV
Mary Wensnisnski wasn't a strong woman. She didn't argue with her parents for
choosing who she was to marry, she didn't fight back when her husband abused
her and worst of all...she never managed to love little Nathaniel like a mother
should have just because he looked so much like that monster called Nathan.
 
She was very aware of her own limits but there was no way she was going to
accept them. She wanted to prove that she could handle every given situation,
so when Nathaniel was going through his exy trial of doom she snatched him from
the Butcher's grasp and ran. They ran and ran and ran. Day after day, name
after name, they went on with their plan for survival.
After two years they had been caught a handful of times but they had always
managed to get away from the butcher's men with only a few scars to add to
their wide collection. Everything was going fine until one day, while they were
staying in Berlin. Nath-Stephan came cack home with lipstick smudged lips and
bright red cheeks.
To say that Mary lost it was an understatement: she punched, kicked and shoved
her son around their shitty apartment until he was passed out on the floor. How
many times had she told him that it wasn't safe to let someone in?! Let alone
some bitchy teenager, and to be honest he was way too young to be fooling
around with girls. 12 year old guys were supposed to have at least a tiny bit
of innocence left in them.
At some point, while she was cleaning the bloody mess she had caused she
realized that... it just wasn't worth it. She wasn't ready to risk her life for
that ungrateful son of a bitch anymore, not if he behaved like a fucking whore.
They had already decided that they would have left for their next destination a
few days later, Mary just had to change things up a bit, that wasn't so
difficult was it? Just a few calls here and there and everything was going to
be how it should have been from the beginning.
---------------------------------------------------
 
One week later they were on a plane for California, just like they had planned.
They were analyzing their new personas together: Neil and Sarah Josten, two
extremely ordinary and boring people.
It was very difficult for Mary to concentrate on fooling her child that
everything was going to be the same as always. She was afraid that he could
find out about her plan. Her head was filled with thousands of questions she
couldn't answer, but she was determined to go through with everything before
she changed her mind.
NEIL'S POV
As soon as they got off the plane, they bought an industrial amount of dark
brown hair dye and the most boring brown contacts they could find to make sure
they had enough in case something happened.
Everything was going fine until they both found themselves in front of an
orphanage. That's when Neil started to grow suspicious. 'Aren't we supposed to
be seaching for the usual shitty apartment?' He thought, but before he could
open his mouth Sarah had already caught on to his uneasiness and reassured him
that she had to talk to the director for an urgent matter regarding their new
IDs.
That seemed to be good enough for an anwser because he calmed himself down
immediately. Her secret contacts were scattered everywhere and they couldn't be
more different from one another. Neil felt mortified for not having trusted his
mother even if it had been for just a second.
They entered the orphanage and his mother whispered something into a woman's
ear and less than five minutes later they were both sitting in an old but
comfortable office.
The door behind them opened and a very stiff and gaunt woman came inside. She
looked very much like one of those extremely unfriendly librarians who hated
everyone. A big smile was plastered on her face. It could have fooled many
peolple but Neil was too experienced in reading people's minds to be deceived.
She was as fake as Kim Kardashian's bum.
" Good evening Mrs. Johnson. I am Ms. Adams, director of this orphanage since
1971. I can guarantee you that all of the children who were put under my watch
are marvelously educated and will follow every given order. You are here to
search for a friend for this beautiful child of your yes?"
Neil looked around to find this Mrs. Johnson woman but no matter from which
angle he looked at, Ms. Adams was looking directly at his mother. Her surname
might not have been Wensninski but Josten wasn't quite the same as Johnson was
it?
What surprised him a bit though was that Sarah didn't seem taken aback by the
mistake. Quite on the contrary, she smiled back and shook hands with the
director.
" That's not exactly right unfortunately, I am not here to get a new child, the
thing is that I need to leave this one here. He lost his parents in a car
crash. I have been taking care of him since then. I was the only person who
could take him in after all, but it turned out that I am really not qualified
for this task. If he was a normal child I wouldn't be here at all but he's been
suffering from PTSD and lately he has even started hallucinating. He suddenly
started believing that we were on the run from his father. He even hurt himself
at some point just to prove that he had been chased by someone who apparently
wanted to kill him. I can't take it anymore and although it pains me to leave
him here I see no other solution." She said
Ms. Adam's smile dropped immediately " So what you are telling me is that I
have to take in yet another brat because you are incompetent on the subject of
motherhood?"
"Besides the fact that you could have said it in a slightly nicer way, yes
that's essentially it."
The two women went on discussing for quite a while but Neil was't even
listening anymore. Nothing could describe what he was feeling. His mother was
abandoning him for no reason whatsoever. Why had she risked so much for him
just to drop him off somewhere? It didn't add up at all and that's why he chose
to hang on to that small thread of hope that told him that it was all a big
misunderstanding and that they would be out of that place soon enough.
That moment never came though. Soon enough Sarah- or whatever the hell her name
was, was leaving.
"Mom what-" Neil asked desperately
" I'm sorry", his mother replied in German," but it's for the best. His men
think that we are traveling together. Splitting up for a bit will certainly
make things more difficult for them. I'll get you in a few months. Try not to
get adopted will ya? Here's my number. Call if there's an emergency. Bye." She
handed him a scrap of paper with a cellphone number on it and left without
looking back.
" No mom please-" he tried to call but it was too late. He was alone.
Suddenly he was grabbed by his right ear and dragged out of the office.
" Don't expect to be treated nicely here just because your dear parents died. I
don't have time for that bullshit, and don't even think about burning your
clothes like you did with your old ones. What we give you here is to be
treasured, you don't have the luxury of behaving like a pampered little prince
anymore" ms. Adams screamed at him
When the hell had he ever burned his clothes?
Oh, maybe his mother had told her that while he wasn't listening. Oh well...
wait! What about his duffle bag?!
He looked around but it was nowhere to be seen, then he remembered that his
mother had taken it with her when she had left him. That meant no contact
lenses and hair dye. What was he going to do now?
He fell right into a panic attack and ms. Adams felt it immediately. She let go
of his ear and slapped him so hard his nose was bleeding. Her expression was
full of so much hatred, Neil actually started shaking. " See, this is exactly
what you are NOT allowed to do. You lost your parents and the only person who
was willing to take care of you? Well guess what, I. don't. care. Exactly like
everyone else here. Toughen up you filthy little bastard!".
By then they had reached a room with at least 20 beds in it. Only one boy was
inside though. He was certainly very young, eight years old probably.Brown
hair, very pale and skinny and full of bruises. As soon as he saw ms. Adams he
flinched very hard but tried his best to hide it. He jumped up into the most
upright position he could manage and looked directly at the woman waiting for
orders.
" This brat was delivered to us this morning. Show him around, give him a bed
and tell him how things work here. If he doesn't do everything exactly how it
should be done you'll pay the consequences with him, are we clear?"
"Y-yes ma'am"
"Good" she muttered and before he knew it he was thrown inside violently and
the door behind him closed with a loud thud.
It took him a little to recover from the impact but he was back on his own two
feet in a flash, not wanting the other kid to notice his discomfort.
"U-um" the little boy stuttered "my name is Thomas, what's yours?"
"Neil, Neil Josten" he would have usually included a few elements of small talk
but Thomas clearly wouldn't have appreciated it. He might have been a child but
he had a look in his eyes, which showed that he had already witnessed enough to
not be fooled by fake politeness.
" So Neil, there are two free beds in here at the moment but I wouldn't take
the one right at the back if I were you. That one belonged to AJ. He might not
be here right now but he never stays more that a few months in the same place
and let me tell you that he HATES it when people touch his things. His things
also include that bed unfortunately so if you don't wanna be stabbed in your
sleep take the other one"
It was in moments like these that dear Nathaniel would try to take over the
boring facade his mind had made up. The urge to ignore warnings, to accept any
challenge even if it was from an unknown existence. He didn't know who this AJ
was but judging by the look in Thomas's eyes, he certainly wasn't the nicest.
Nathaniel was intrigued. Mere curiosity wasn't enough to make Neil disappear
though so he just settled for the easy solution and settled himself where he
had been told to. The fact that he even had a place to sleep in was
overwhelming but it was a painful reminder that his mother wasn't going to be
around for some time.
His heart clenched but he did his best to ignore the tears which wanted to
escape from his eyes so desperately and listened to the rules.
It all seemed pretty straightforward. If you did all your chores you got the
food, if not ms. Adams always found new punishments, each worse than the other.
For a moment Neil thought that it was actually going to be alright...that
feeling of safety vanished as soon as the door barged open and a horde of
teenagers and children came swarming inside.
There were at least 15 of them, all bruised up and ready for violence. At the
beginning it seemed like they weren't going to be too much of an issue since
they were mostly focused on what they had been discussing up until then, but it
soon turned out that their concentration could pass from one thing to another
if it was interesting enough, and a new roommate certainly was.
" Who the hell are you?!" The seemingly tallest of the group asked
" Neil Josten"
" what a stupid name, how about we call you faggot? Doesn't he look like a nice
little fag? Can't wait to spread your legs for us don't ya?"
Everyone started laughing at that remark. Actually they sounded more like
choking pigs than humored humans if you asked Neil, but he doubted that they
would appreciate that remark. He didn't really care if they called him names or
made fun of him. As long as they kept their hands to themselves it was fine.
If he had to be honest, he didn't even know if those accusations were actually
true. He had been kissed by a girl once but it certainly didn't feel as
pleasurable as he'd read in some books. The beating he got from his mother just
added to the '13 reasons why I will never kiss someone again, at least for some
time' list. Plus, he was only 12. Sometimes 12 year olds knew everything about
themselves already but Neil had missed out on so much of his childhood that he
probably needed at least a few more years to figure things out. Maybe he was
gay, maybe he wasn't but who the hell cared anyway?
While he was absorbed in his thoughts, having alteady lost interest in his
presumable roommates, he didn't notice those assholes getting closer and
closer...not until it was too late at least.
They punched and kicked him until he was all bloody and aching. He didn't react
initially hoping that they would stop at some point but he then noticed that he
wasn't the only victim: Thomas was being assauted in an even more violent
manner. The kid passed out at some point but that wasn't nearly enough to
satisfy the bullies.
Something inside of Neil clicked and a moment later Nathaniel came out and with
him came a bone deep rage. Not that he cared about some kid who wasn't strong
enough to save himself, everything which had happened in the last couple of
years had just started to bottle up as the time passed, and this had been the
last straw.
While Neil would have just waited for things to settle, Nathaniel launched
himself at full force aganist one of the guys and started dragging his finger
nails across his face until it was completely covered in blood. The guy was
screaming in pain, begging for mercy but Nathaniel didn't have mercy did he?
He felt hands attatching to him, trying to pull him away but he didn't budge.
When he was finished he stood up and turned around. Eve was silent. A sick
smile contorted his face. Nathaniel was sure that at that moment he looked just
like his father.
" Anyone else wants to have a go with me?" He asked. Had his voice always been
that cold?
No one anwsered so he simply redirected his attention onto the guy which he had
massacred and started tasting him to find anything useful. Turns out the guy
had a small pocket knife. It wasn't anything special but it was better than
nothing so Nathaniel took it and placed it inside his jacket.
By the time he was finished everyone had suddenly found something better to do
than just stare at him.The danger was officially gone so Neil took over once
again. He kneeled next to Thomas and put him on the bed which he had previously
chosen for himself.
When the time came he went to dinner with the others. He didn't say a word to
anyone from that point on besides a muttered "thank you" to some girl who had
handed him his soup.
Then came the time to go to bed and Thomas hadn't woken up yet. Sleeping in the
kid's bed was just an unwanted invasion of privacy so the only option left was
AJ's bed. Nathaniel had already come out, he already had a reputation after the
first day, his mother had left with his contact lenses and hair dye. His
situation couldn't possibly worsen if he slept in a place which belonged to
someone who wasn't there anymore.
He lifted the covers and slid under. The matress was very old and hard but he
he'd slept on worse. Soon enough he fell asleep, reassuring himself that it was
going to be fine because his mother would come back soon.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
NEIL's POV
When Nathaniel was still a child, he had been told very often that physical
pain was the worst kind of suffering method because it debilitated the person
to whom it was inflicted.
He had believed them, like he had done with many other things which had turned
out to be nothing more than hollow lies
Mary had promised him that she was going to come back after a month, maybe two.
He had waited patiently for her, trying his best not to get into weird foster
families which seemed to love his icy blue eyes and auburn hair with dark brown
tips.
He had cried himself to sleep countless times until he had no more tears left.
He had fought tooth and nail just to get enough food to survive. Every single
day new bruises had added up to his body but he had been ok with it: His mother
was coming back after all. ' it's not going to last long anymore' he had always
told himself.
This had only worked for the first few weeks but now seven whole months had
past and Neil was both physically and mentally drained.
After the first month Nathaniel had started to crawl out of his hole more and
more often. By now he was sure that the only thing which had remained of Neil
Josten was the actual name, everything else belonged to his cold blooded past
self. By now he wasn't really bothered by it anymore. It had turned out that
little Nathaniel wasn't so bad after all if he let his anger burn out. When it
finally expired all that was left in him was apathy, and with that Neil could
deal. He didn't even give a fuck about his scars anymore, they were just a part
of him which he couldn't erase. Hiding them didn't make them disappear.
He had already noticed that something wasn't right after having waited for Mary
for three whole months but the harsh truth had hit him a few days later, when
he had decided to use that number she had given him. He had treasured it like a
precious jewel of inestimabile value, he had worked himself to the bone just to
get permission to use ms. Adams's crappy phone for five minutes, he had longed
to hear his mother's voice so much and...all that came out was a robotic voice
which told him that the number he had dialed so carefully didn't actually
exist.
In that moment every inch of Neil's being had collapsed and he had found
himself in yet another panic attack. That time it had been worse though: whilst
he usually went really quiet and waited for it to end, he had started throwing
and breaking everything he had gotten in his hands without even realizing what
he was actually doing.
At some point he had been grabbed from behind and all he could remember from
that point on was the feeling of excruciating pain, although he hadn't really
been able to pinpoint if it was because someone (presumably ms. Adams) was
hitting him or if it was the psychological trauma he had just experienced.
Maybe it had been a mix of both.
At some point he had fallen unconscious.
When he had woken up he had found himself chained to a wooden pillar situated
in the garden. It had been incredibly cold: his fingers had gone numb, his nose
had turned purple and after a few hours his hair had mainly consisted of snow.
Neil had stayed out there for four days. No one had even tried talking to him.
It was as if he had been forgotten.
Every day someone had given him something to eat but it certainly hadn't been
enough to satiate him. When ms. Adams had finally decided to end his punishment
she had sent two of the older guys to fetch him. The state he had been in
wasn't something Neil wanted to remember: he had been covered in his own urine
and vomit, since he had gotten very sick at some point.
He hadn't even been able to stand upright for a few days after that ( which had
gotten him in more trouble because he hadn't done his chores properly).
Those might have been what he considered the worst days of his life but there
was also a bright side: if his mother had hated him so much that she had just
given him up, she had also made him hate himself on purpose. He literally
didn't have a reason to be afraid of mirrors anymore because he had learned to
accept himself for who he was .
Still, the fact that he didn't have anyone to refer to troubled him greatly. He
had considered trying to get adopted but he saw how 90% of the children who
were taken came back a few weeks later, looking more broken than they were
before.
Thomas had been one of them. He had been so happy about having a new foster
family. Nobody had really payed very much attention to him because he didn't
have any distinctive physical traits. He had told Neil all about his new
parents. They had seemed to be pleasant people, but of course they weren't.
Only two weeks after his departure he had been brought back. His 'father' had
told ms. Adams that Thomas had bitten his hand and that he couldn't behave
properly.
Before going away he had been a cheerful child who only sat still when there
were grown ups around. He had alway been in their room, while everyone else was
outside, imagining how a good life could have been like.
When he had returned everyone soon noticed that he was different. He had
refused to take showers with anyone else, hadn't comunicated anymore and he had
never slept for more than two hours before waking up from what looked like
extremely violent nightmares.
One month later he had disappeared. Everyone had been searching for him, until
someone had found his corpse inside of an unused wardrobe. The police had
claimed that he had most likely killed himself by taking cyanide. Nobody
dwelled on it for more than two or three days though: it was pretty common it
those places, one kid less just meant one mouth less to feed.
Neil had actually enjoyed Thomas's company while he was still alive but at this
point he just didn't care anymore. All his thoughts were concerned with making
a plan of escape in order to start running again. Though he knew that by doing
that his father could have easily tracked him down again, everything was better
than the orphanage, even mutiny.
He had made out various routes to freedom before but every time he had thought
to have found a solution some other kid would have tried to run with the same
method. All of them had been caught, so Neil had always ended up being back to
square one.
He was planning another one of his escape routes when Neil heard a sharp knock
on the door to his room. He hid the scrape of paper where he had previously
doodled a very ugly outline of the orphanage and all of its doors and windows.
One of the caretakers came in and ordered him and a few other boys who were all
roughly of his age to go to ms. Adams's office. They all jumped up and ran as
quickly as possible, to evade any sort of beating for not being fast enough.
The first thing Neil noticed when he entered the dreaded office was that ms.
Adams's fake smile was back on her ugly face. When he looked closer he saw that
there was another woman, and with her a very tall guy, presumably her son given
the fact that they had similar features.
" ah right on time, say hello to this wonderful lady and this young lad
children" ms. Adams asked kindly, though everyone could hear the threat in her
undertone.
" good morning miss, good morning mr." they all yelled in unison.
The woman spoke up " good morning children, my name is Cass Spear and this is
my oldest son Drake. Some of you may remember that I came here nearly a year
ago to foster a child, and since everything has been going wonderfully I
thought 'why not try to foster another one?'. You see, my smaller boy feels
very lonely at the moment and he doesn't seem to be able to socialize with the
other kids at school. Maybe having someone who lived though the same things as
him might help him a bit. O-of course I'll treat the person we'll choose like
my own child. I am aware of the terrible things which were done to you, and I'm
ready to fight hard to make you forget about this place by offering a warm home
and a family".
The other children paled and they started to whisper to each other
" she's his-"
"AJ's foster mother"
" the fuck does AJ's foster mother want from us?!"
" AJ wants revenge, for sure."
" we're dead, we're screwed, we're not gonna get out of this alive".
Their voices were overlapping. Neil felt disoriented.
Part of him wanted to be on his worst behaviour to make sure he wasn't picked
but there was also a little voice in his head which screamed at him to give in.
If that woman was AJ's foster mother, he would have finally met the famous boy.
Everyone had expected AJ to come back and they all feared that day. They
described him as some unstable monster with a dagger to every new kid they got.
When he hadn't shown up in front of the orphanage after more that five months
he had been slowly forgotten but it seemed like the element of fear had
lingered in the children's minds, ready to pop out as soon as his name was said
out loud.
Although Neil had never actually met AJ he had a pretty good idea on how he was
because he had left quite a few knife marks under his bed. There were
overlapping lines, which disn't really represent anything concrete and names.
Names of different people, probably from his foster homes. Neil had spent hours
trying to figure out what all that meant, but he hadn't come up with anything
plausible.
"...and this little one il Neil. Came in here a few months ago, he is a great
boy" ms. Adams said. Neil snapped out of his thoughts. She always tried to give
the best impression of the children although it never really worked.
Cass spoke up again " Yes, they all seem like great children but I would like
them to decide whether to become part of the Spear family or not".
" oh, that's alright, children would someone of you like to have a new home?"
After less than a second it became clear that none of the children wanted to
leave, not if it meant having to reunite with AJ.
Suddenly Neil was overcome with a weird sense of courage and took one single
step forward. He inhaled as much air as he could and looked at both Cass and
her son with an incredibly determined expression " I'd like to go"
He heard the children behind him gasp.
It had problably been a very bad idea, why had he even dared to-
Cass smiled at him.
Her smile was so warm and welcoming. No one had ever looked at him like that.
After so much time of not feeling anything he smiled back and warmth spread all
over him.
" Oh you are just adorable, we are going to take great care of you, isn't that
right Drake?"
" Of course mom, he'll surely become great friends with AJ, I can feel it. Then
he won't be so depressed anymore"
Drake had a very weird look on his face. He almost seemed menacing. For a
moment Neil was sure that there was definitely something wrong with him. ' nah,
can't be. It's probably just my fucked up mind playing tricks on me' he thought
and everything was forgotten.
" Now Neil, please go pack your things and come here when you are finished. We
have some paperwork to complete. Everybody else, go back to your chores". Ms
Adams ordered.
Less than ten minutes later Neil was done with his luggage and he waited
patiently for his new foster mother to fill in the files.
He finally had someone he could lean on again, a family, maybe even a home.
Fuck Nathan Wensninski, fuck Mary Hatford, fuck them all. He would finally be a
normal kid who went to school and didn't have to stitch up his own wounds.
The door to the office opened and Cass came out with her son.
" Anyone you want to say goodbye to before we go?"
"Not particularly"
"Alright let's go then"
"Yes Mrs. Spear"
" oh, call me mom or Cass or whatever you are comfortable with, just don't use
formalities with me, you are part of our family now right?"
"yes Cass"
She smiled at him again
They all went into a little car. No one talked during the ride. No unnecessary
questions were made. There was just a shallow hint of music coming from the
radio.
When they got to their destination Drake parked the car and they all got out.
Their house was big and it gave Neil a weird sense of domesticity. Flowers and
plants decorated the front yard. From the house came a very light smell
of...burnt cookies?
As soon as Cass noticed the smell, she turned to Drake in a nearly panicked
state and shrieked " please tell me AJ didn't try to bake again, I swear, he's
going to burn the house one of these days."
She ran towards the front door and opened it.
" AJ! * cough* * cough* what did you do this time?!"
" Nothing Cass, just wanted to be nice. It's not my fault if- who the fuck's
that?"
" Didn't I tell you that you needed a new friend? Well, here he is. Meet your
new brother Neil!"
" My what?!!"
" Don't shout AJ, do you want to scare him on his first day? This is Neil, be
nice" her tone still as sweet as honey.
So that was AJ. He was...something. He was way smaller than he had imagined and
he didn't see any daggers either. He looked like an ordinary boy with a death
glare which could probably kill ordinary people. Short blonde hair, hazel eyes
and very skinny. Typical complexion for undernourished foster kids.
Not so dangerous after all, what a disappointment. Oh well, misfits like him
couldn't have it all, right?
" I didn't agree with a foster brother Cass"
" no you didn't, but you can't always be grumpy and depressed AJ, you need
someone who understands you better than me, Richard or Drake ever could."
" who's Richard?" Neil asked. Perhaps another brother?
" Oh, he's my husband. Right now he's on a business trip. Don't worry, he knows
of your existence. We have agreed on fostering another child a few days ago.
Usually you'd need both the parents to sign the paperwork for adoptions and all
that stuff, but your orphanage is just in a horrendous state and they want to
get rid of the kids easily so they let an awful lot slide. Oh, I'm blabbering
again, come inside and you AJ," She turned to the blonde boy " are going to
show him around the house. He'll sleep in the guest room."
They all entered and Cass immediately disappeared into the kitchen to clean up
the mess AJ had previously made.
Drake briefly winked at them and went upstairs. Presumably into his own
bedroom.
The two boys were alone. An ackward silence dawned upon them. Neil felt kind of
uncomfortable so he tried to install a conversation.
"soooo, you're AJ, right? Heard quite a few things about you back at the
orphanage "
"Don't call me AJ. I don't like it."
"How so?"
"That's none of your business"
"What do I get to call you then?"
"Andrew, or Joseph. Pick one and fuck off"
"It would be a pleasure but you need to tell me where I can fuck off to ..."
Andrew sighed and started to walk in the direction of a set of stairs.
"Follow me. Don't talk to me. I don't like you"
"Believe me, the feeling is mutual"
"Good, now shut it"
And Neil did. His new room was spacious and full of light. Not as luxurious as
the one he had at his father's mansion but certainly better than anything he
had expected.
It was a weird feeling, having a home.
Suddenly he felt a wave of exhaustion bursting through his whole body and he
decided to go to sleep.
Before falling into a deep slumber he heard a few noises coming from what
apparently was Andrew's room. Thuds, hisses, heavy breathing etc...
Maybe it was because he was tired, or maybe his senses had gotten rusty after
so much time, that he dismissed any warning in those suspicious sounds.
When he fell asleep he dreamt of burnt cookies, blonde hair and big houses.
He was finally at home.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for being so patient, school's turned into hell and I'm
     reduced to having to study 24/7. Ugh, someone save me
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Summary
     Drake comes back into the picture and it gets pretty ugly for poor
     Neil. There are major warnings for underage rape. If you get
     triggered by this please skip to the notes at the end where I
     summarized the chapter in a less explicit way
Chapter Notes
     As always thank you so much for reading and commenting this fic. Now
     after more than one whole month I officially came back from the dead
     and brought this new chapter with me
See the end of the chapter for more notes
NEIL's POV
Having a family was kind of weird. Neil was so used to violence and fear, that
he doubted even the slightest nice gesture, even after one whole month with the
Spears.
He didn't fully trust Cass yet, although he was sure that she wasn't capable of
doing anything even remotely connected evil. He hoped that one day he would be
able to actually view her as the mother had always dreamed of.
Drake on the other hand certainly wasn't someone to whom Neil really looked up
to. Behind his big smiles and caring words lied something sinister, the
question was what it actually was...
Not that Neil really cared since Drake was in the marine and he had been
summoned back.
Richard Spear was just a boring man. There was nothing special about him. He
was more at work than at home anyway.
Then there was Andrew. Him Neil still hadn't figured out at all. He showed no
emotions whatsoever besides when Cass praised him for something he had done
well. He didn't seem to have any friends although he had been living there for
nearly a year. The only clear thing about Andrew Doe was that he hated Neil
with great passion. They hadn't even spoken to each other at all after the
brief house tour on Neil's first day.
All Neil ever got from Andrew were empty stares. By then it had gotten to the
point where it was really creepy. He also had this weird habit of standing up
in the middle of the night and locking himself up in the bathroom for more than
half an hour. It was all a very silent procedure though: the only reason Neil
had noticed in the first place was that he was an incredibly light sleeper,
trained to jump up and run as soon as he heard any sort of noise.
Right now they were all having breakfast together and Cass was desperately
trying to make the two boys communicate. Neil sometimes wondered if she
regretted her choice of fostering another child, since he hadn't really done
what she had wished for him to do.
" Oh, and by the way boys, I have a surprise!
Drake is coming back home for a week isn't it great? We are finally going be
united again!"
Andrew instantly paled at that remark and although he didn't show any visible
reaction, judging by the way he clutched his glass of hot chocolate until his
knuckles turned white, he wasn't happy about it. Not one bit.
Cass seemed to notice her foster child's reaction too but she didn't pay any
mind to it. When he abruptly stood up and excused himself, she merely nodded.
In conclusion: Andrew wasn't much of a Drake fan either.
" He always does that when Drake comes back" she explained, " I still haven't
figured out why exactly but I'm positive that he'll get over it. Maybe it's
that no one used to give him any attention so he developed some form of
possessiveness for me and Richard. What do you think Neil?"
That was another thing about Cass: she always wanted to know people's opinions.
No matter how young or insignificant the people she talked to were, she always
listened to them. His mother had never been like that. What she said was law,
someone as stupid as him couldn't possibly have the right to speak or to give
any suggestions .
" Maybe, I don't know. I haven't been in foster care as long as he's been, only
after my parents were caught in a domestic fire and died... but yeah, it was
pretty lonely in there. Survival instincts makes even children concentrate more
on not starving than on being nice, you know?" He anwsered. He was kind of
proud of himself that the managed to say all that. Maybe he was slowly turning
into a normal child but he still had his doubts about that.
She gave him a sad smile, full of compassion. Neil hated facial expressions
like that but he understood why she made them and never commented on it.
" I always forget that you used to have a family too. Sorry I if made you
remember anything traumatic. If you feel like opening up to me or anyone else
about anything, don't be afraid to do so, we're all here to listen."
She gently carded her hand through his auburn hair.
He nodded at her and leaned into her touch. He felt so bad for having to lie to
her about his past life but even if he had accepted himself many months before,
giving her his true identity was too much of a risk for both him and her.
 
________________________________________
 
When Drake came back Andrew got really weird. Those wimpers Neil had heard on
his first evening there were back, his nightly trips to the bathroom had
plolonged and during the day he didn't come out of his room at all if not
absolutely necessary.
In the mornings Neil would sometimes even find tiny smears of blood on the
floor or sink. There were only two theories he had come up with bit each one
was more stupid and impossible than the other.
1: Andrew was a vampire who lurked out his preys and killed them in the
evenings and then disposed of them in the bathroom
Or
2: Andrew was extremely horny and on his period.
( he was pretty positive only girls got it but maybe he had missed out one
anatomy lesson too much)
How Drake was connected to any of them Neil didn't even consider since none of
the two made any sense.
After the fourth day of this weirdness curiosity finally won and he decided to
confront him
But not during the day.
At night was the perfect time because no one could interrupt them.
' When Andrew'll exit his bedroom I'll just block him' he thought.
 
 
 
But that's not how things went.
 
Neil was on his bed, waiting for Andrew to come out of his shelter.
His door wasn't locked because he wanted to be able to reach Andrew on time.
He was so absolved in his thoughts that he didn't hear his bedroom door slowly
open.
When he finally noticed the other presence near him it was already too late.
Drake assaulted him
Neil didn't even have time to react.
"Oh Neil, Neil, Neil. Did ya know you are awfully pretty for your age? I might
even go as far as saying you're as pretty as AJ. AJ always bends down so well
for me. Will you do that too?"
After Drake whispered that into his ears he expertedly flipped Neil so that he
was lying face down into the matress.
Neil tried to scream but the sounds were muffled by the pillow.
 
Neil felt a big and sweaty hand touch him in places that were certainly not
appropriate.
He struggled for a few more seconds but Drake wasn't having any of it.
" I got myself a feisty one here, I like it. It's always a pleasure to watch my
preys stuggle. You've got no chance darling, it'll only be worse for you
afterwards" he warned.
He tolerated the kicks and huffs fow another few seconds.
Then he got tired.
He took a lamp and smashed it on Neil's head.
From that point on it the world became unfocused and full of fuzzy edges.
Something liquid, probably blood, was slowly oozing down his forehead, but it
all seemed so distant. There was also a bit of pain which seemed to come from
his lower region. It spread throughout his whole body, though it was just
faint. 'I've been through worse' Neil told himself. He just wanted to close his
eyes and forget about the whole world.
Suddenly Drake grabbed his hair and pulled hard, shoving Neil right back into
reality. With everything back into place the pain spiked. He still tried to
convince himself that what his father had done to him had been more gruesome
and cruel but every time he said that he believed himself a little less.
All his ears heard were low groans, grunts and other primitive sounds of
pleasure.
Then Drake stopped, pulled out and turned Neil around again.
" See you tomorrow, my cute baby brother" he said while smirking evilly.
A few seconds later he was gone.
Neil was alone...it was all so sick...he felt sick... he felt filthy and sticky
everywhere. Then there was the pain too....so much pain.
He mustered up all of his courage and looked down on himself.
Wrong move.
Maybe it was because of all the blood mixed with a white substance he saw
steadily flowing out of him, or maybe the lamp had given him a concussion.
Maybe it was both, fact was that he puked all over himself.
He knew he had to get up and clean the whole mess that had been made but he was
sure that his legs were going to give out under his weight
Then he thought about Andrew and it all made sense.
That was the reason he hated his foster brother so much and why he spent hours
in the washroom.
A soft knock startled him into consciousness.
He didn't want anyone to see him in that state but he was aware of his current
condition, aware of the fact that his body had been ravaged to the point where
even the simplest task was impossible, so he swallowed thickly and let out a
quiet " come in" in a raspy voice.
Inside came no one other than Andrew.
In his hand something which looked like a wet rag.
" I see he got to you too. Welcome to the club of underaged deranged rape
victims then."
" The fuck's your problem?! If you're gonna be an asshole, do it tomorrow" Neil
hissed back.
He felt so ashamed if his curent state: half naked, bleeding and covered in
puke. It vaguely reminded him of the time Mrs. Adams had chained him to that
pole in the front yard, only that this time it was worse.
Neil tried to stand up, to run and hide somewhere he was alone, but he stumbled
and fell on his first step. His stomach gave out again shortly after. Before he
puked over the whole floor though Andrew managed to snatch the trash can and
hand it to him. He didn't say a word until Neil stopped retching.
"Listen, I'm going to have to move you a little, for that I have to touch you,
is that ok? Nod if you understand"
Neil nodded sharply, though he wasn't sure if he was able to receive any form
of human contact without falling into a panic attack.
A hand grasped his shoulder. Andrew's grip wasn't constricting or excessively
tight, it had just enough pressure on it to serve its purpose, Nothing more and
nothing less.
This moving around continued for a bit, the fact that Andrew seemed to be so
detatched from the whole world kind of helped.
In the end he had gotten Neil away from the bed and had successfully removed
the sheets full of blood and vomit, only to replace them with clean ones.
" are you stable now?" He asked.
"Why are you helping me?"
" I asked you a question first"
"I think I am, though I'm not sure"
 
" Try to stand up. You are going to shower and then I tell you exactly what to
do when shit like this happens because I'm not always going to be able to be
there to help"
Sure enough, when Neil tried to walk for a second time, he managed to move
around a little, even if he was still pretty unsteady.
When they finally reached the bathroom, Neil's body was literally on fire, his
lower region was begging to be left alone. Every step made it seem like he had
shards of glass stuck up his ass.
As soon as he saw the shower in line of vision, everything around him
disappeared immediately.
He jumped out of his clothes, not caring if Andrew saw his scars and turned on
the water spray at maximum heat. Meanwhile Andrew closed the shower curtains to
give Neil a bit of privacy, picked up the discarded clothes and washed them to
get rid of the vomit. Then he sat on the toilet seat and waited for his 'little
brother' to finish.
Neil scrubbed and rinsed his whole body like he never had before, using all
kinds of soaps he could find. Soon his skin turned completely red due to the
heat of the water. It was as if he had fallen into some trancelike state where
all that counted was getting the filth away from him, where he was under the
illusion that water and sope were enough to erase both physical and emotional
pain.
After more than 20 minutes he still hadn't come out. Andrew began to feel
restless, probably knowing full well why it was taking Neil so long.
" Neil, burning yourself is not going to help. I'll go out now. You come out of
the shower, dress and meet me back at your room. If you are not there in ten
minutes I will come in here and check if everything's alright so don't try
anything stupid, you'll just hurt yourself more".
When the door closed shut Neil finally stepped out of his safe heaven and dried
off as best as he could. The towel ended up having quite a few drops of blood
on it at the end of the process so he dumped it in the washing machine. A fresh
pijama was neatly folded on the toilet seat where Andrew had just been sitting.
He put it on and went back to his bedroom.
Andrew was waiting for him on his newly made bed. Their eyes were staring at
each other, awaiting for the other to speak up.
Neil got tired and retried with his previous question: " why are you helping
me?"
"Because if I don't you'll probably end up killing yourself and I'll be blamed
for it. I'll be sent back flying into the orphanage before I know it."
"No need for it then. I'm not about to commit suicide because someone raped me.
I've had worse."
Andrew eyed him warily
"And I'm supposed to believe that."
"I'm fine"
" still not convincing Pinocchio"
"I don't have to convince you of anything. I'm just stating the truth, also
who's Pinocchio?" Neil started to get quite irritated.
At that Andrew reacted. Neil didn't know what he had said to get him to get
that look which clearly said 'are you stupid?'
" How do you not know who pino- nevermind, I give up. Have it your way. When
shit like this happens again just wash your sheets, shower and go back to bed.
No one can notice your discomfort and you talk about this to no one. Got it?"
When Neil nodded, Andrew turned around and left.
And then Neil was alone once more. He tried to turn off the lights and go back
to bed but the pain was too severe and the demons too big for him to fight on
his own. It was as if Drake was still on top of him pinning him down, thrusting
violently in and out of him, breathing heavily on his face, grinning sickly at
him.
For the first time in months he thought about running again: Changing his name
and leaving California, even without his mother's contacs he might have been
able to escape...but what about Cass? She was the only person who viewed him as
something more than a mere mistake, leaving her was out of the question. For
now he had to bear with it and wait it out, although he was't sure for how long
he was capable to last.
Chapter End Notes
     Soo to summarize this chapter as promised in the chapter summary:
     Drake comes home for a week after Neil had lived in that house for a
     month. Neil is very interested in Andrew and a few weird behaviours
     of his but before they can talk Drake assaults him and we all know
     what happens. Andrew helps neil to wash up and cope with what just
     happened to him but they have a little bit of an argument due to
     their shitty personalities and Andrew leaves Neil by himself.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     Basically Andrew's POV
Chapter Notes
     After more than two months I have come back yet again. Seriously how
     can people update every day? I barely manage 1 chapter in 2 months!
     I have so much respect for those people
     About the chapter... it's rape again so if you feel uncomfortable
     with it just skip this one.
     Love ya:)
ANDREWs POV
When Cass had told him that she had a surprise for him, he certainly hadn’t
imagined that she was going to come home with another misfit.
Neil was his name and from the first moment he saw him,Andrew was absolutely
sure that it wouldn‘t have gone well at all. His eyes were awfully pretty,made
of a shade as blue as the sky and as piercing as a needle.
Andrew had known for quite some time that for some reason he didn‘t feel any
sort of attraction for any girls. He had secretly hoped that one day that
missing element would have appeared out of the blue and he would have been able
to be like everyone else. Of course he had noticed that he had found himself
gawking at a few boys sometimes, but he had decided to ignore it all, to
deceive himself that those stares had nothing to to with physical attraction
because that would have meant that Drake and all those who had come before him
had inflicted him so much damage, that it had finally reached his head. Being
gay had just been out of the question… until he met his new supposed little
brother.
From the first moment he had laid his eyes on Neil it had been clear that
Andrew wouldn‘t have been capable of ignoring the truth any longer. It hadn‘t
only been his eyes: his shiny auburn hair and the fair amount of freckles which
gently dusted his cheeks had also played a big role in Neil‘s attractiveness.
With the ugly realization came yet another feeling Andrew hadn‘t felt for a
long time: hatred; Hatred for Neil because he had woken up the one thing he
dreaded, and even more hatred for Drake, who was going to ruin the poor boy in
the same way he had been ruined.
He knew that Cass had gotten another boy to make him socialize more, oblivious
of her biological son‘s sins, so he had simply accepted her decision.
Only a few hours later she had come to his room and had told him Neil‘s
backstory:
—born into a normal family in California
—parents died into a fire
—dropped into the orphanage by old family friend who hadn‘t felt like
babysitting a troubled child
That‘s where the pretty boy had also become interesting: that story had been
made up. A few years before Andrew had memorized the entire telephone book of
California and there had not been any Jostens.
By watching him closely for the few weeks afterwards he had noticed other
things which had proven everything else being a lie too. Starting from the fact
that Neil always avoided knives like the plague and always checked his
surroundings as if someone was going to attack him at any moment. Those
behaviours were common results of years and years of abuse, not seven months in
an orphanage without even having been fostered once.
Andrew had promised himself that he was going to figure Neil out, but one month
later he hadn‘t made any progress at all. They hadn‘t even spoken a word to
each other. All they had been doing was staring, staring and even more staring.
It wasn‘t like Andrew didn‘t want to talk to him, he just knew that as soon as
Neil would have revealed some truths he would have asked for some himself and
Andrew knew he wasn‘t ready to talk about his issues, wasn‘t ready to talk
about Drake or about his bloody wrists.
***
The silence between them had to be broken at some point, Andrew was well aware
of it, but he would have never imagined that it would have happened under such
terrible circumstances.
When Drake had come home Andrew had immediately shut down.
From day one the rotten bastard had come into his bedroom and had pinned his
small body to his matress. By then it didn‘t bother him as much anymore. He had
trained himself to detach his soul from his body, to make it seem like it
wasn‘t him lying there while being fucked by that filthy animal. In the end
this little escape method of his had never really worked though: it was him
getting raped, not some random boy who didn‘t exist, it was him having to wash
his sheets all the time to avoid anyone noticing his situation, it was him
trying to patch himself up and filling his boxers with a shit load of toilet
paper to prevent the blood from staining anything.
Until then Andrew had suffered in silence, knowing full well that he wasn‘t
worth being protected by anyone. He had almost been glad that Drake hadn‘t
named Neil yet. He had secretly hoped that he was satisfied with fucking him
only because Neil didn‘t deserve it. No one deserved such a thing, not even he
did, but he didn’t really count.
Then suddenly his older brother hadn't been happy with him alone anymore, he
had wanted more. He had craved for fresh meat. By then Andrew didn‘t give any
visible reactions when being raped and Drake had wanted some action so, as soon
as he had finished his business with the blonde he had gone for the redhead.
Andrew had wanted to help Neil,or at least to warn him, but Drake had been
particularly ferocious that night so he hadn't had enough strength to move. He
had just laid there motionless on his bed for
seconds...minutes...hours...days...years...Andrew didn‘t know anymore nor did
he care, why was he even so worried in the first place?
He’d been slowly drifting to some weird state of unconsciousness when he had
heard a weird noise, similar to something breaking and a soft sob. Then he had
remembered and to his surprise he had managed to jolt up and do all of his
clean up procedures in the blink of an eye. He’d then waited for Drake to exit
Neil‘s bedroom.
What he’d found inside hadn't been pretty, but he’d already prepared himself
for the worst case scenario which would have meant having to get rid of a
corpse
Granted, Neil hadn’t been at his best then, but it could have been a lot worse.
Getting him out of his own puke hadn’t been a lot fun either though he’d been
surprised that Neil had cooperated without complaint.
Of course their shitty personalities had managed to split them up soon after
he’d aided his ‘ little brother’, since they’d both started bickening and
Andrew hadn’t been in the mood for that.
His intention had been to catch as much sleep as possible, due to the fact that
he unfortunately was just a human being and his body needed to rest every now
and then.
Now, two hours later it was clear that falling asleep was undoubtedly out of
the question for nothing but gruesome nightmares were in store for him inside
of his broken dreamland. He’d just woken up with a thick layer of cold sweat
sticking to his skin like tape for the third time when he finally decided to
put an end to this torture and stopped trying to rest although his body
screamed at him in protest.
‘ tomorrow is going to be another bad day huh’ was the last thing he thought of
before concentrating on one specific spot on the ceiling to keep himself awake
yet mentally detached at the same time.
He was sure Neil was awake too, although he was probably being worse off than
him since he probably didn’t know how to blend the whole world out like him.
That particular coping mechanism only came after countless forms of domestic
abuse.
He knew that leaving him alone had been an awful decision but what else could
he have done?
If he was a little older, then this would have all been easier. No matter how
hard he tried to be mature and prepared for everything, he was just 13
( granted he was going to be 14 in about a month but still) and therefore
lacked certain components only age could bring.
________________________________________
The next day went like every other one in this shitty week, which meant that it
was awfully loud due to a static noise ringing in his ears. He knew he was just
imagining it, but no matter what he did it wouldn’t stop.
Everything else was numb.
So awfully numb.
It was horror
Cass checked on him regularly, since he’d told her he didn’t feel well. Seeing
her so worried made his heart- or whatever was left of it-bleed.
She continued to alternate between muttering sweet words to him and filling him
in on what was happening outside of his room.
None of her phrases caught any of his attention until… “ Really though Andrew,
there must be some virus flying around the house. Poor Neil caught it too. The
poor thing threw up all over Drake’s shoes this morning. He doesn’t have a
fever but the amount of vomit he produced is worrying”
He made a mental note of her words and as soon as she left him to go prepare
dinner he made his way to the younger boy’s room. Neil had made a stupid
choice: who the hell pretended everything was alright after having been raped?
He could have at least waited for Drake to go out before exiting his room. Had
little Pinocchio been expecting to be able to deal with the fucker?!
Andrew would have loved to leave him alone but he was partly to blame since he
hadn’t told him what to do afterwards and how to handle it, knowing damn well
that the kid wasn’t the brightest.
All he had was a smart mouth (and some gorgeous eyes of course), but physical
strength and brain substance were clearly missing.
This time he entered Neil’s room without knocking and was rewarded with a
frightened flinch.
“What do you want” Neil hissed.
“I want nothing”
“Then get lost”
“Why did you go downstairs while Drake was still in the house?”
“You told me to act like nothing happened. Besides, I’m fine”
Andrew arched an eyebrow. He didn’t believe him “You’re fine. I believe you
told me the same shit last night, yet you had a little bit of an incident on
Drake’s shoes this morning. Isn’t that funny?”
“Leave me alone”
“See? Told you you aren’t fine”
Neil eyed him inquisitively so he continued: “ dismissal is common in mentally
shaken up people”
Neil probably just didn’t have the will nor the strength to find a proper
response so he tried to convey his bitterness and distaste, and whatever else
he was feeling for Andrew through a murderous glare.
And thus the ogling contest between the two started yet again.
They stayed in an uncomfortable silence for what must have been at least half
an hour made entirely of stares .
To be honest Andrew had seriously wanted to leave the child with his own issues
and not offer his help again after less than a minute, but even he wasn’t
ruined enough to interpret the hostility between them as something different
from a silent cry for help on Neil’s part.
So he stayed, imagining how life would have been if Drake hadn’t been there.
Would Andrew and Neil have been friends?
Probably not. It would have been better though.
He usually never thought of ‘what ifs’. He’d banned that expression from his
vocabulary a long time before, but seeing Neil in that state made him realise
that he probably didn’t look any better himself
They’d both hit rock bottom without noticing it, hadn’t they?
Why did the world always pick on the same people? They were children for fucks
sake! What had they done wrong to deserve this?
“ Cut a deal with me” Andrew said with nothing but resolution written over his
face.
When Neil didn’t respond he went on: “I help you overcome this and you promise
you won’t kill yourself no matter how painful it gets”
“What’s in there for you?”
“Nothing. You can still be saved. I can’t. That’s just how things are. Deal?”
The younger boy looked at him as if he was an alien. Then something flashed in
his eyes and just when Andrew was giving up on the idea, he heard it.
A small word: “ Deal”
End Notes
     Comments are highly appreciated, let me know what you thought and
     what I can improve since English isn't my mother tongue
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!