Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7497891.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Haikyuu!!
  Relationship:
      Kageyama_Tobio/Kindaichi_Yuutarou
  Additional Tags:
      Abuse, Dubious_Consent, I_actually_made_myself_cry_while_writing_this, I
      didn't_set_out_to_hurt_Tobio_this_bad
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-07-15 Words: 1768
****** Broken Glass ******
by MusicPrincess655
Summary
     A spinoff of Things Will Fall Apart, this is what happened in
     Kageyama's flashback in chapter seven.
Notes
     Written for a request, based off Things_Will_Fall_Apart
  This work was inspired by
      Things_Will_Fall_Apart by ImotoChan
“Hey, Kageyama.”
Tobio doesn’t look up from his desk. He’d never quite been able to forget
Kindaichi was in the room with him, but he’s desperately trying to focus on his
math homework. Math is one of his better subjects, but he hadn’t been able to
concentrate in class lately, and he needs the grades to get into high school.
He’s been studying more, hoping to get into Shiratorizawa.
“Yes, Kindaichi-kun?” he replies, polite as always, trying to sound nonchalant.
Maybe Kindaichi will leave him alone to do his homework.
“Are you really not applying to Aoba Johsai?”
Tobio steels himself before turning around to face his boyfriend. This is
exactly the conversation he hoped never to have, not now when he’s just
starting to wonder if a boyfriend should really treat him the way Kindaichi
treats him.
“Yes,” he says, choosing to focus on the volleyball rolling in Kindaichi’s
hands rather than Kindaichi himself.
“Where do you want to go, then?” Kindaichi asks, sitting up and focusing on the
volleyball too. “Seijoh has the best team. Oikawa-san is there. So is Iwaizumi-
san. Me and Kunimi are both applying there.”
Tobio bites his lip. Is it really that hard for Kindaichi to understand that
that’s the exact reason he doesn’t want to go? Doesn’t want to spend another
three years with a senpai who can’t stand him, refuses to teach him? Doesn’t
want to spend another three years getting kicked and beaten while his team does
nothing to stop it, only to abandon him in the end anyway?
Not that he can tell Kindaichi any of this, anyway. Telling Kindaichi will only
cause more bruises and scratches and bites.
“I’m going to apply to Shiratorizawa. Maybe Date Tech and Karasuno.”
“I understand the first two, but Karasuno? Their team hasn’t made nationals in
so long.” Kindaichi frowns down at the ball. Maybe he’s starting to realize
that what Tobio meant was anywhere that’s not with you.“It’s not too late to
apply to Aoba Johsai.”
As if Tobio will give up his freedom when he can practically taste it.
“I don’t want to,” he snaps, already regretting his tone as he turns back to
his homework. That tone will get him hurt, he was trying to avoid
confrontation.
“Kageyama,” Kindaichi starts, and oh, Tobio shouldn’t have snapped, this is
exactly what he wanted to avoid. He was just trying to do his homework, that’s
all he wants. He shudders. “Come here.”
Tobio shuffles over to the bed. He doesn’t really understand why he’s still so
afraid of Kindaichi. Kindaichi might be stronger, but he’s faster, and anyway,
this is his house even if his mother’s not home to protect him.
Kindaichi takes his wrist, pulls him down for a kiss. Tobio kisses back out of
instinct rather than any desire. The kiss doesn’t feel good. Tobio wonders if
the kisses ever felt good.
“I want to do it,” Kindaichi murmurs, trailing kisses over Tobio’s jaw. Tobio
swallows and tries not to visibly tense up, tries not to let Kindaichi know how
scared those words make him, but he’s so scared, pinned under Kindaichi’s
weight on the bed.
“What?”
“You know what I mean, Kageyama, don’t play dumb.” Kindaichi grins as he looks
into Tobio’s eyes. Maybe he can’t see the fear there. Maybe he does and it
excites him.
“I don’t want to,” Tobio says as he looks away. This has never worked for him
before, but he stares longingly at his homework. Never did he think the day
would come when he was desperate for math, but Kindaichi has always brought out
the worst in him.
Kindaichi unzips Tobio’s jacket, and Tobio wants to sob with the knowledge that
he won’t escape, this time or maybe ever. Propping himself up, Kindaichi runs
his hands over the sides of Tobio’s chest.
“Your fingers are cold, Kindaichi-kun,” Tobio mumbles. It’s the only complaint
he can voice without making things worse for himself. He covers his face with
his arm, hiding however he can. Kindaichi is quiet for a moment before
chuckling.
“That sounds like something you’d say,” he says, removing Tobio’s arm and
pushing him back into the bed. He trails kisses down Tobio’s chest, and Tobio
can’t keep himself from tensing up this time. “Do you really not want to?”
As if Kindaichi wouldn’t take what he wanted whether Tobio agreed or not.
“I don’t care,” Tobio says, rolling his head to the side, biting his lip and
staring at the wall. He tries to go completely limp, tries to force his mind
out of his own body. He’s heard about that before, out of body experiences, and
he wishes he could have one, or lots, every time Kindaichi touches him so he
would never have to feel it again.
“Good,” Kindaichi says, nipping at Tobio’s skin, praising him as if he had a
choice.
Tobio stays limp as Kindaichi pulls his belt out of his pants, pulls his pants
off, tries to not feel any of it. He ignores Kindaichi as he sheds his own
clothes, only looking up to see Kindaichi’s smooth, tan skin, unmarked by
bruises and scars. He tentatively reaches out to touch Kindaichi’s chest,
remembering when his own was that smooth, pulling back his hand while blushing.
Kindaichi looks surprised but pleased, but Tobio didn’t do that for him.
“Condom and lube?” Kindaichi asks, and Tobio almost hates his traitorous body
for shuddering as if it didn’t know exactly where this was going. He gestures
to his bedside table. Might as well get this over with.
Kindaichi digs around, pulling out the tube and the condom, dropping them both
on the bed beside Tobio before pouring lube on his fingers. He shoves on
unceremoniously into Tobio and Tobio bites back a cry.
It hurts, it hurts,it hurts so goddamn much and Tobio can’t help how hard he
pants, in time with Kindaichi as he desperately tries to make it hurt less. It
only hurts worse when Kindaichi shoves another finger in. From what Tobio’s
looked up, it shouldn’t hurt this bad. Tops are supposed to prepare their
partners gently, give them time to relax and stretch them out, but Kindaichi
hadn’t been gentle with him in a long time.
Sometimes Kindaichi’s fingers press to his prostate, and that gives him little
jolts of pleasure, but those are outweighed by the pain of being stretched too
far too fast. Tobio feels like he’s being split in two, just like he always
does when they do this.
Kindaichi must decide he’s ready, because he pulls his fingers out and reached
for the condom. Tobio feels the cold grip of dread in his gut that he always
feels as Kindaichi lines them up, shoving into him too fast and not giving him
time to adjust.
It hurts even worse then. The pain is getting worse and worse, it hurtsand
Tobio wants nothing more than to make it stop. What if he really can split in
half like he feels like he will?
Still, every so often a thrust will hit something right, and through all the
pain in his body Tobio will feel a little hint of pleasure. He chases that,
because Kindaichi claims to love him, and if this is all love makes him worth,
shouldn’t he at least have some meaning in all of this? Shouldn’t he want this
too, if it really is love?
“K-kindaichi…” Tobio gasps, unsure if he’s calling for Kindaichi or pleading
with him to finish it, if the arms he reaches around Kindaichi’s neck are to
pull him closer or strangle him. Kindaichi murmurs something back, but Tobio is
too wrapped up in the pain everywhere to hear what it is.
He’s not even close to coming, body barely responding to Kindaichi. Sometimes
he does respond, finish with Kindaichi. That happened a lot at the beginning,
once he got over being so scared even if he didn’t want to do it. Now, though,
he barely ever finishes, especially if Kindaichi doesn’t touch him like this
time.
Kindaichi is close, though, hips stuttering, and Tobio can at least take some
relief in that this is almost over. As he comes, he moans Tobio’s name. Tobio
can’t move from the surprise.
“I love you, Kageyama,” Kindaichi says, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I love
you.”
Tobio can only be grateful that he isn’t punished for not saying it back. He
mechanically cleans himself up. Kindaichi starts to stroke his hair, which
Tobio has to admit is kind of nice.
“Are you happy?” Tobio asks absently. Surely, Kindaichi has to get something
out of this. Even if Tobio’s miserable, Kindaichi has to have some good reason
for doing this.
“Something like that,” Kindaichi replies with a smile. Tobio knows that’s a
lie. Kindaichi is not happy. That is a fake smile and his voice holds a lie.
But Tobio doesn’t know what else to do, so instead he lets go of all the tears
he’s been holding in since Kindaichi called him over to the bed.
Kindaichi sighs and hugs him tight, and Tobio tries to take some comfort from
that, but there’s little comfort to be found in Kindaichi’s arms.
“They can’t know…my mom…she can’t know,” Tobio gasps, wiping at tears. As badly
as he wants her to protect him, he knows he can’t let her find out about this.
What would she say about him? Call him disgusting, pathetic, or even worse,
kick him out of the house? He can’t let that happen. As bad as this is, he
knows it could be so much worse. He’s so scared. He wonders what it’s like to
not be scared. He can’t remember.
“I won’t say anything,” Kindaichi promises, flicking away a tear with his
thumb. “She doesn’t need to know her son is like this, you know, that he’s this
disgusting human.”
Tobio bites his lip and nods. That still hurts, even if it’s nothing he hasn’t
already thought about himself. Somehow it hurts worse when Kindaichi confirms
what he thinks of himself. He tries to stop crying. Tears won’t get him
anywhere.
This isn’t love, a voice in the back of his mind whispers. People fight and die
for love. People work their entire lives to achieve love. Nobody would want it
if this is all it is. This is not love.
Tobio bites his lip until it bleeds to keep from crying again, because if this
isn’t love, if Kindaichi is using him for something that isn’t love, what could
he possibly be worth?
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