Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8746414.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage, Rape/Non-Con
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Sam_Winchester/Other(s)
  Character:
      Sam_Winchester, Dean_Winchester, John_Winchester
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Drama, First_Time, During_Canon, Hurt/Comfort
  Collections:
      Sinful_Desire
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-10-28 Completed: 2010-11-05 Chapters: 5/5 Words: 3713
****** Breathe Me ******
by Herbeloved82, Putty Tat [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]
Summary
     This is a story that I'm writing with VampireLord. Every day we take
     turns writing for 30 mins and hope that it all matches up.
Notes
     Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally
     archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began
     importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in
     November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted
     announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on
     Sinful_Desire_collection_profile.
***** Chapter 1 *****

Author's notes: Trying my hand at a co authored fic. Let me know what you
think. Sam is 15, Dean is 19.
===============================================================================
Sam let the door snick back into the lock slowly. He held his breath, and
waited. It didn’t appear to have woken up Dean or his father. He blew out his
breath softly. Now all he had to do was make it to his bed undetected. He put
his foot down, and paused, before putting his other one in front of it. His
hole burned and ached so bad he wanted to cry out but the last thing that he
wanted was for Dean or his father to discover what happened tonight.
 
He lifted his leg again, and smacked right into his bed. Goddamn it! That
fucking hurt. He bit his lip, and bent over. The pain his ass making him stand
right backup again straighter than a poker. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! A whimper
escaped him before he could hold it back. He squeezed his eyes tight, and
prayed. Please don’t wake up! Please don’t wake up!
 
Dean stirred in his bed causing Sam’s heartbeat to race. Dean will know. If he
sees him right now he’ll know. He stayed as still as a statue waiting to see if
he was caught. Dean rolled over, and fell back in deep sleep. Sam made a mental
promise to attend church on Sunday.
 
He tried again to bend over to feel for the bed beside him. He ended up at a
damn awkward angle but at least he managed to feel where it was, and get in. He
sank into the mattress biting his lip so he wouldn’t scream. He was on his
back. He hated sleeping on his back but he’d be goddamned if he was moving
anymore. On his back he will stay till dawn. It’s not like he’s going to be
getting any sleep anyway.
 
He closed his eyes, and saw him. They flew back open, and stared into the
darkness. He was such a fucking idiot. Dean was going to kill him when he found
out. He’s be lucky if Dean didn’t disown him. He wouldn’t blame him if he told
him never to call him his brother again. He was dirty now. He felt so fucking
dirty. He shut his eyes again feeling the sting of his tears. He’d been so
fucking stupid!
 
“Sammy?”
 
Dean’s voice startled him. Oh my god! Had he been making noises? How did he
know that he’s awake? Sam held his breath hoping that he’d just go back to
sleep.
 
“Did you have a bad dream Sammy?” Dean asked, sleepily. Sam cursed in his head.
It seems he did make noises. Damn!
 
“When did you get home?” Dean asked. He sounded a lot more awake than a moment
ago. Sam knew that meant that he hadn’t been asleep for long. Damn! Damn! Damn!
 
He just about crawled out of his skin feeling Dean get into his bed. Usually
when he did just have a nightmare, Dean getting in bed with him was warm, and
comforting but not now. Now he didn’t want to be touched. Dean’s arm wrapped
around him, and pulled him close. Sam stiffened against him but didn’t fight
him.
 
“Ssssssh it’s ok Sammy.” Dean said soothingly into his hair. “I’ll keep the
monsters away.” Sam felt himself come apart. He was too late. A monster already
got to him, and hut him bad. He feel into his big brother, and let himself weep
for everything he’d lost tonight. His innocence, his security, his self
respect, his dignity, his voice. Dean held him close until he faded into
sleep’s waiting arms.
***** Chapter 2 *****
It wasn’t long before the nightmares caught Sam.
 
He was back in a filthy bar, he could smell too old beer, and smoke all around
him, and above all he could smell again their breath, heavy with too much
alcohol.
 
He knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. He was too young, and in truth he felt
totally out of place, Dean would be furious just because he put a feet in a
place like that, but he wanted to feel older. He knew for sure Dean had fake
id’s since before he was his age, so why not him too? But he wasn’t Dean, and
he was learning that, fast.
 
“Come on Sam, you know I love you, and you know you want this too!” No, he
didn’t want that. He was not ready, and above all he didn’t love him, not even
close. He had come there tonight to tell him just that.
 
William kissed him, hard. Sam could feel his hands run all over his body, could
feel his fingers fight with his shirt and pants. Sam tried to fight him back,
tried to tell him to stop. He didn’t want that. Didn’t want to be used against
the wall of a smelly men’s room. Not his first time for fuck sake.
 
“Stop William. Just stop it now!” Sam looked in his boyfriend’s eyes and read
the guilt there. He was sure he could understand people well. Was sure of that.
 
“I’m sorry Sam, I don’t know what happened to me. I’m sorry…”
 
How many time Sam heard about abuser apologising with their victims? How many
times had Dean, and John warned him against that kind of behaviour? Sam knew
well how many kinds of monsters were out there, and more than once they had a
case that they thought was hiding a demon inside of a human being. He knew
well, and still he gave William his back, and reached for the door.
 
Sam found himself against the opposite wall. His head hurt so much that he
didn’t even fight when William dragged him in one of the empty stalls closing
the door behind him, and pressing Sam against it.
 
“I’m tired of your attitude Sam. Always the perfect one, always the untouchable
one. You are my boyfriend Sam, and you’ll give me what I want.”
 
Sam tried to fight again, harder this time, because the fear told him to run,
to find a way to escape and go where he knew he was safe. Dean. He wanted his
big brother. He wanted to be with him and feel safe like always Dean was able
to make him feel.
 
Sam cried out aloud, fighting against the darkness, and the monster hiding
there. He hit something, and panic start to rise inside him. He wanted Dean.
Where was Dean? Why wasn’t he there to make him feel safe, to make the monster
go away?
 
“Sam…”
 
No. Not again that name. Not again him…
 
“Sam! Sam! Come on little brother I’m here. Dean is here. You are safe Sam.
Calm down, you are safe Sammy!”
 
Sam passed from the nightmare to his brother’s arms in a few seconds, but for
the first time he was not safe. Not totally at least. He knew he couldn’t tell
Dean what had happened. He knew he was dirty and had been used, and if Dean
would have ever found the truth he would have hated him because of his
weakness.
 
Dean had taught him how to fight. He had taught him never to let his guard
down. So why wasn’t he been able to protect himself? Why did he let William
touch him?
 
A wave of nausea took Sam by surprise and he ran for the bathroom and locked
the door a second before he emptied the contents of his stomach on the floor.
 
Dean was looking at his empty arms. He already missed Sam’s warmness close to
his body. He knew. He knew that something happened to his baby brother.
Something bad. He had no idea what, but he swore to a God somewhere high in the
sky that he would have found out, because no one, human or supernatural, could
hurt his Sammy and live long enough to tell the story.
 
Dean’s protective instinct kicked in full force. He could feel the beast inside
him, the thing that rose every time during the hunt, roar and fight to come
out. The beast wanted blood, and Dean would have satisfied it with pleasure,
but first, he had to understand what had happened tonight.
 
Sam came out from the bathroom, and looked nervously at Dean, a part of him
didn’t want to go back into his arms, he knew he wasn’t worth anymore that
place, but the bigger and stronger part of his mind wanted his big brother
close. Sam curled up on the bed, letting Dean tuck him in under the blankets.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Sam opened his eyes in the morning to find Dean looking at him. Sam avoided his
gaze, and tried to act cool. John got up, took their orders for breakfast, and
left.
 
“So…” Dean said, as soon as John closed the door behind him. Sam didn’t answer
for a moment to see if Dean would just let it go. He felt Dean’s foot nudge his
leg, and he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Dean never let anything go. He
was like a dog with a bone.
 
“So…” Sam said, and shrugged. There was always the stupid card. Sometimes Sam
really liked playing the stupid card. He was a little brother after all.
 
“Don’t treat me like an idiot Sammy!” Dean warned. Sam frowned. Why couldn’t it
be possible to act an idiot without treating Dean like he was one?
 
“What are you talking about?” Sam asked him, defensively. Dean gave him a who
in the hell do you think you’re kidding look. Sam held his poker face staring
at him stupidly.
 
“How much did they take you for?” Dean asked. Now Sam really was looking
stupid. He was lost.
 
“What?” Dean raised his eyebrows, and scoffed.
 
“Money Sammy. How much money did they take you for?” Dean asked again,
impatiently. Sam was trying to figure out what he was talking about when it
clicked in his brain. Dean thought that he’d been robbed last night. Sam was no
idiot. He knew straight away that letting Dean think this would keep him away
from the truth.
 
“How did you?” He asked, feigning shock. He looked away, and shrugged. “Not
much.” He confessed. “A little over fifty.” In truth he still had all his money
but his brother didn’t need to know that right now. Dean cursed under his
breath.
 
“Did you get a good look at them?” Dean asked, angrily. Sam panicked. He
couldn’t send his brother out after make believe thiefs. He shook his head.
 
“It was dark, no street light.” He said, sadly. He was so fucked if Dean asked
him to take him back to where it happened. What the hell would he do then? Dean
growled pulling him close.
 
“Sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you Sammy.” Dean soothed him. Sam’s
stomach curled. He remembered wanting Dean there to save him from the monster
that came out of the dark. He clung to his big brother tightly.
 
“But at least they didn’t hurt you bad right?” Dean said, softly. Sam didn’t
miss the hope that was in his voice. He shook his head against Dean’s face.
 
“No they didn’t.” He assured him. Sam felt sick but what else could he say?
Dean held him tight, and stroked his back lovingly. Sam held on, never wanting
to leave the safety, and comfort of his big brother. All too soon Dean pulled
back.
 
“We need to get a shower before dad gets back.” Dean told him. Sam frowned
nodding. Life goes on. There are more monsters to hunt, more people to save.
Sam started to get out of bed feeling the pain shoot through him again. He
glanced at Dean who was watching him curiously.
 
“They gave you a good going over huh?” Dean asked. Sam sucked in a deep breath.
Great job Sam hiding it! God what the hell was he going to tell his father?
He’d want blood, and when John Winchester wanted blood the devil himself
couldn’t stop him.
 
“Did the leave many bruises?” Dean asked him, gently. Sam grimaced. He had no
idea if William had left any marks on him or not. The thought that he was
marked by a monster in any way repulsed him. He didn’t want anything of William
left on him. Dean took hold of his hand, and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt.
Sam stared at his wrist in disbelief. He had finger mark bruises there and on
his arm.
 
“Did one of them hold your hands together?” Dean asked, running his fingers
over the purple marks. Sam shook his head dumbly. Dean looked at him puzzled.
Sam swallowed. He so did not want to lie to Dean.
 
“I don’t remember.” He said, stupidly. Dean’s expression turned to disbelief.
 
“You don’t remember if they held your hands together?” Dean asked. Sam pulled
his arm back abruptly.
 
“What the hell is this an inquisition?” He snapped. Dean’s eyes widened. Sam
turned away, and headed toward the bathroom. He knew he was walking slow, and
awkward but he was jumped and roughed up a bit right? Ah fuck it! He slammed
the bathroom door behind him. Let him think whatever he wants! He’ll never know
the truth.
 
Sam undressed as fast as he could which in truth wasn’t very fast at all. He
dropped all his clothes on the floor, and stepped into the hot shower. It felt
so good and relaxing that Sam moaned. He dropped his head back, and let his
problems slip away for a little while.
***** Chapter 4 *****
John returned with breakfast, but he needed just one look to understand that
the guys needed time alone together. Dean had the gaze in the eyes he saw only
during an hunt, and didn’t ask questions. His older son would have told him in
time.
 
Sam came out from the bathroom fully clothed. Dean was still there, looking at
him with his beautiful green eyes, and once again Sam felt loved and warm
inside. Only because that gaze full of love was for him and him alone. He felt
so unworthy, but in the same time so happy to still have that part of Dean all
for himself.
 
In the shower he thought about what might happen if Dean ever found out. It was
so hard imagine his brother looking at him with disgust, and hate. So hard to
hear his harsh words. His mind loved to play with him, so much. It gave him a
full movie.
 
“So, you liked it Sammy? You liked to be fucked as a cheap whore in a smelly
bathroom?”
 
Oh yes, The Dean in his mind used the same tone he would have used for a demon,
during a hunt. For something he hated and that was unworthy the breath used to
tell the sentence. Sometimes Sam really thought that his mind hated him.
 
“Sammy? Your breakfast will be cold in no time if you don’t eat it!”
 
Dean patted the bad, gesturing him to come closer and eat as they were used to
do, sitting together with their knees touching. That was the best thing to eat
in a motel room, you could do that on the bad and no one would to tell you not
to. Dean loved those moments with his baby brother, but right now he needed Sam
close for another reason.
 
He could read Sam like an open book. Sam was unaware of that, and Dean used
this capacity at his full advantage. He wanted to look at Sam’s eyes, read his
soul and discover what his baby brother was keeping from him. Dean knew well
that Sam was acting strange. It was a long time since the moment his baby
brother stopped to need privacy from his eyes.
 
He wasn’t an exhibitionist, but never has he been so shy to feel the need to
change behind closed doors. Maybe the bastards who robbed him the night before
left some marks on his baby brother, and if that was the reason Sam was acting
like that… he would discover how badly hurt his brother really was, no matter
what.
 
Why his Sammy was keeping that from him? That was a whole new question, and he
would have had an answer soon. Something inside was screaming to Dean that his
brother was more hurt than he knew, was screaming to him to grab him and force
the answers out of him, but Dean knew better than listen to that part of
himself outside from a hunt. He knew well that the part of him that was
screaming now was the beast, something that was born inside him the night his
father put baby Sammy in his arms telling him to protect his brother. Something
dark and dangerous that woke up only if Sammy was in danger or hurt.
 
“Dean? You look so far away…”
 
Sam’s voice sounded afraid. Was it possible that his baby brother felt what was
waking inside him and was afraid of that, of him? It would have been the first
time ever, and Dean really hated that possibility. Dean looked at Sam and saw
only concern in his eyes. No fear. He let go the breath he didn’t know he‘d
been holding.
 
“Don’t worry Sammy. I’m just tired. So what do you want to do after breakfast?”
 
John was following a demonic lead he picked up in town, so Sam knew they would
be staying for a long time, at least until John found what he was looking for.
Sam thought for a few moments before to find something he really wanted to do.
He needed to keep his mind empty from the horror, and he knew what could help
him. He loved the sea. Always loved that, and the only good thing that the town
had to offer was the seashore.
 
“Can we go to the sea Dean?”
 
Dean looked at his brother with concern. It was a long time he didn’t hear the
boyish tone in his voice. For a moment he had the sensation he was looking at
the child his brother once was, not at the teen he was now.
 
“Of course we can. Just give me a moment in the bathroom and we’ll go!”
 
Sam was collecting the empty plates when he realised he left his clothes on the
bathroom floor. He looked at the closed door with terrified eyes, and waited
for Dean to come out.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Dean came out from the bathroom after long, excruciating minutes, with his
beautiful smile still on, so Sam wondered if he was worried for no reason;
maybe they really could have a good time at the sea, have fun, and Dean could
keep the monster away. He could avoid the truth for a few more hours, and in
truth it was all he wanted.
 
They drove in a comfortable silence, and Sam didn’t think that Dean’s silence
could hiding something more. The monster in Dean was screaming with rage and
fury. So it was that? His little brother really thought he could play him?
 
Dean wanted answers, and he was ready to play dirty to have them. He had hoped
that driving would have calmed him down, but to have Sam so close, and still
sure that he could lie to his brother, the one who taught how to do it in the
first place was just fuelling his rage.
 
He knew his heart was frozen right now, it was since the moment his eyes looked
at the small ball of Sam’s clothes on the floor. Dean had been surprised. Sam
was always the tidy one, the one ready to kick his ass if he left a single
shirt on the floor, so he really was ready to tease Sam for days for his
mistake, that was until the moment he saw blood on his clothes. Little drops of
blood, and Dean’s world crashed down on him.
 
Sam was attacked. He was hurt, and he lied to him. His mind could think only
those things. It was like a chanting mantra in his mind. Someone had hurt his
baby brother in the worst possible way, and Sammy, his Sammy, felt he couldn’t
come to him, and tell him the truth. He lied to him instead than tell him what
really happened. Dean didn’t know his heart could hurt this much. He didn’t
know a heart could really break into thousands of tiny little pieces.
 
Why did Sammy lie to him? Dean needed to know why. What he did so wrong that
pushed his little brother to lie to his face, and of course he wanted to know
the name of the man who had dared to touch his Sammy. Sam was his. His to
protect, and to care for. Sam was his to love, and he wanted to kill anyone who
touched what was rightfully his.
 
“Dean? Are you ok? You‘ve been distant, and quiet all day!”
 
Sam didn’t like to feel Dean like that. He was used to silence from Dean, but
only after a hunt when everything they’d just seen, and done hit him hard and
Dean needed some space. The silence of his own mind, but to see his big brother
doing that on a day when they should have had fun, and relaxed instead was
almost physically painful for Sam.
 
Dean didn’t answer him at once. They were close to the sea, and Dean chose a
place to park. The boy found a good place. They could see the sea, and hear the
waves, Dean found that sound relaxing and he needed to be calm, or at least a
little calmer.
 
“Dean?”
 
Dean looked at his baby brother, his green eyes dark for the fury of the
emotions he was fighting to keep inside. Sam was shocked. Why Dean was looking
at him like that? The Dean he was looking at wasn’t his big brother. He was the
hunter, the one ready to destroy the world to finish a mission, and it seems
that the mission today was Sam himself.
 
“Why Sammy? Why the hell did you lie to me?”
 
Sam’s world crushed on his head. Dean knew, and he was royally pissed off.
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