Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/906498.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      One_Direction_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Harry_Styles/Louis_Tomlinson, louis_tomlinson/multiple_original_female
      characters
  Character:
      Louis_Tomlinson, Harry_Styles, Original_Female_Character(s)
  Additional Tags:
      Underage_Sex, Non-Consensual, please_don't_read_if_you_trigger,
      Heterosexual_Sex, Other_Additional_Tags_to_Be_Added
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-07-31 Updated: 2013-08-16 Chapters: 2/? Words: 1617
****** Breaking at the Cracks ******
by six
Summary
     Louis has suffered for as long as he can remember at the hands of his
     step-mother. When he's eighteen he gets himself out of there and goes
     off to Varsity, because what else can he do? He meets Harry, someone
     he begins to love. The problem is Harry loves him in a different way,
     and Louis doesn't know if he can love Harry that way back.
     It takes Louis a long time, but Harry eventually finds out what
     happened. They then try and work together through Louis' problems.
Notes
     This is based on some real experiences. It is probably quite
     triggering. Please don't read it if it will cause you pain. Also I do
     not pretend to own any members of One Direction, nor do I regard any
     of what's written here as fact.
***** Prologue *****
The first time it happens Louis is five years old. He has never come across a
closed door and not been curious, so when he finds his parents’ one, on a day
when his step-mother is supposed to be looking after him, he goes right in.
“Ohhh, right there. Unf, mmm…” Louis hears.
“What’re you doing?” he asks.
The noises cut off abruptly.
“Louis dear, why don’t you come over here.”
He walks over to the side of the bed, noticing that she’s not wearing a shirt.
She pulls one of her hands out from under the sheets and reaches out to him.
“Do you want to play a game, Lou?”
“What sort of game?”
“Well, you just sit on Mummy’s tummy and help her out.”
“Sounds boring,” Louis says. But he still gets on the bed.
Louis looks at his step-mother’s face. She doesn’t look that different to
normal, but for some reason she’s breathing rather deeply.
“Now what?” Louis asks.
“You just sit there, hun. Mummy’s going to get off.”
Louis doesn’t know what this means, but he feels her move under him and then
she starts moaning and he really wants to know what she’s doing under the
blanket. He moves to turn around, but Mummy stops him.
“Look me in the eyes, love.”
“Mummy, what-“ he’s cut off by his step-mum shouting out her release.
She’s done; head arched back and eyes closed so that Louis loses sight of her
eyes. She’s shuddering under his legs, whole body trembling like she’s cold. So
Louis leans forward and gives her a hug.
He feels her hug him back, both arms coming out from under the bedding. One of
her hands is sticky where it’s stroking his bare back under his t-shirt.
“Can I go play outside now?” Louis asks. He isn't sure what just happened, but
he feels rather uncomfortable.
“In a minute Lou.”
The second time it happens, Louis gets called into the room. He knows from last
time he doesn't particularly want to go in when his step-mum's alone, but his
dad had left for the weekend telling him to behave for his mum so…
He opens the door slowly. What he sees freeze’s him where he’s standing.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Louis recalls wanting to know what had been going on under the blanket the
first time. But now that he knows he longs for a time he was ignorant.
Five-year-old Louis knows intrinsically that what his step mum wants to do to
him is wrong. He doesn't know what exactly she’s doing, just that it’s wrong.
After the first few times in which Louis had been made to just be present
whilst she gets off; either sitting on her as she does or watching as she
fingers/thrusts various toys into/rubs herself, she’d started getting Louis to
undress as well.
And then she’d started trying to get him hard.
This was biologically impossible, but that did not stop her from trying, nor
prevent her from punishing Louis for his failure to perform. He’d gone without
dinner for a whole week that time his dad had been away in London for work.
Because of the inherent feelings of wrongness Louis had been getting during
alone time with his step mum, he’d thought he should let some adult figure know
what had been going on, and then it would be their problem. So after two months
of sexual abuse Louis had told his dad.
Admittedly Louis could have said it better. But surely when your five year old
son tells you something implying abuse especially sexual (he’s five he
shouldn't know anything about sex!) you should look into it?
His step mum had been working late for once and Louis and his dad were sitting
eating dinner in front of the telly. Football was on: Arsenal vs Chelsea.
During half time adverts Louis had gone to the kitchen to fetch another beer
from the fridge for his dad and a glass of milk for himself. Setting them down
on coasters on the coffee table, Louis had turned to his dad and said:
“Sometimes mum ‘gets off’ by touching me.”
His dad hadn't even taken his eyes off the television ads to reply, “You wish,
son.”
Louis puts it down to not even knowing what ‘getting off’ had meant himself so
of course his dad would have assumed he’d meant something else or maybe it
wasn't as wrong as he’d thought? In any case Louis decides then and there never
to try telling anyone again. He’d have to deal with this himself. He actually
feels himself mature mentally by making that resolution.
The first time his step mum actually explains any of what they’re doing
together to him is months after Louis had attempted to tell his father. Louis’
almost six; they’re having an awesome pirate themed party, but a week earlier
as most of his friends will be away for the holidays. The three of them are
actually going away too; down to London to see about a job offer for his dad
and them possibly moving there permanently.
Louis is hungry so he ditches his friends to go home and get a snack. He's in
the kitchen making a sandwich out of random ingredients he'd pulled out of the
fridge when his step mum confronts him. Louis is startled to the point he
actually drops the butter knife, narrowly missing impaling his own foot.
"Yikes! Sorry Louis, I didn't mean to scare you. I just thought we should have
a chat about... you know, our special games." She attempts to reassure Louis
with a smile, seeing as he'd backed up against the fridge, when she bends down
to pick up the knife. His step mum pats his hair as she moves past to the sink.
"Have a seat at the bar and I'll finish making this for you."
Louis is reluctant but like with any of the time's they've had their 'playtime'
he doesn't refuse.
He doesn't meet his step mum's eyes though. Keeps his own fixed firmly on the
avocado being spread on the bread. Goes as far as to ask for the unused half so
he has something to do with his hands.
"Of course, Boo." She sprinkles some sugar over the top before handing it and a
teaspoon over.
"Now I should probably first ask how much you know about sex?"
"Is that what you and dad do because you love each other?" Louis asks. He's not
sure what 'sex' is but he's heard the word a few times on the telly and at
school from some of the kids. One kid at school, who was constantly looking for
Louis' approval, God knows why, had said something about same-sex marriage's
being wrong and that it, being sex, was only supposed to be between a mummy an
a daddy.
"Oh honey. Sex has nothing to do with love. It's about feeling good. And that's
why since your dad no longer makes me feel good I've been trying to have it
with you."
Louis doesn't, but if he'd been brave he would've said something now about how
they weren't married and hence should not be having this sex.
"The way sex works is, well you've seen some of mummy's toys right? Well
they're quite solid or hard, like when you're old enough your penis will become
the same. It's like mummy's been trying to get you, and mummy may have got a
little bit mad about it not working, but I don't want you to worry about that
now okay?"
Louis nods, biting his lip to stop himself asking why she'd even tried. He
knows he's like way younger than his dad. He knows that what his mum is saying
is that he isn't old enough to be having sex. He knows that she shouldn't be
trying to have it with him. There's a reason he always feels like it's wrong.
"What you need to know Louis, is that one day your penis will become hard on
it's own. And it will probably happen when you're sleeping and you might wake
up having made a mess. I don't want you to be scared when it does, that's
natural, but it is a waste of an erection so you've got to tell mummy when it
happens and then we can make use of future ones." She's finished making his
sandwich and she starts cleaning up.
She comes around the breakfast bar to take his avocado skin and spoon off him,
pausing whilst holding his hands till Louis looks up. "We're going to have to
make do with other kinds of sex till you get hard for the first time. I'm going
to explain everything we do, I know I haven't before, but your father told me
what you said to him and that was because you didn't know better right?"
Louis nods. He feels powerless like they are now. His step mums hands
encompassing his own. Even as he sits on the bar stool she's much bigger than
him.
She lets go and moves to the sink. "Good, now enjoy your sandwich and then head
back out to play, dinner'll be at six."
Louis takes the plate out to the porch. He's thinking about how he'd tried to
confide in his dad. It had gotten back to his mum. And also about what she
means by other kinds of sex, not to mention that he still doesn't know exactly
what it is. If he asks questions at school that might raise suspicions, and get
him in trouble.
He takes a bite. He's just going to have to wait and see what she tries next.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!