Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2546708.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      No_Archive_Warnings_Apply, Underage
  Category:
      M/M, Other
  Fandom:
      Subarashiki_Kono_Sekai_|_The_World_Ends_With_You
  Relationship:
      Kiryu_Yoshiya/Sakuraba_Neku
  Character:
      Kiryu_"Joshua"_Yoshiya, Sakuraba_Neku, Hanekoma_Sanae
  Additional Tags:
      Fanfiction, Post-Canon, Supernatural_Elements, sex_comedy, Kink
      Negotiation, Telepathy, Age_Difference, Awkward_Sex, Breathplay, Blow
      Jobs, Wing_Kink, Non-Fetishistic_Crossdressing, Intercrural_Sex,
      Impermanent_Consensual_Snuff, First_Time, Smut, Clothed_Sex
  Series:
      Part 5 of Step_Aside_and_See_the_World
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-11-01 Completed: 2014-11-02 Chapters: 3/3 Words: 17304
****** Breakdown Noise ******
by surskitty
Summary
     Joshua raises an eyebrow, watching Neku's expression with growing
     disdain. "Honestly, Neku, it's not as though I need to breathe
     anyway."
Notes
     Loosely inspired by this_kink_meme_prompt. JoshNeku- Asphyxiation/
     Choking -- exactly like it says in the title, choking. or any kind of
     breathplay is good really. (fully consensual, please!!)
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
"You know, Neku," Joshua drawls, leaning against the wall, "the UG really isn't
so bad."
Neku looks him over, less than amused. He shows up again -- in his house -- for
the first time in weeks for this? Neku shakes his head. "I'm gonna stick with
living, thanks."
"But it's so b-o-r-i-n-g," he sighs, like he's disappointed Neku would ever
consider disagreeing, after all they have in common. "Being a reaper is simply
more convenient. Let me demonstrate --" ("No thanks," Neku mutters) "-- choke
me."
Neku doesn't react for a moment, certain he'd heard wrong. And then -- "Are you
insane?!" He's horrified, hands up like he needs protection from Joshua (or
like it'd do any good if he did -- now is not the time to think about that).
Joshua's asking him to hurt him, not the other way around, and that stings more
than he can imagine, salt in the wound of the last game. Neku never wants to
have to hurt one of his friends again; he'd almost ruined everything with Shiki
the first time, and that was just selfish fear, while this would be -
- premeditated, completely intentional and with everything to lose.
Joshua raises an eyebrow, watching Neku's expression with growing disdain.
"Honestly, Neku, it's not as though I need to breathe anyway." He smiles, and
it's the same expression Neku'd seen on the other side of the gun. He reaches
for Neku's hands --
-- and Neku jerks away, back to the wall, as far from Joshua as he can manage.
"N-no," he manages, breathing hard. Shit, shit, shit; Joshua might have not
destroyed Shibuya, but he's still dangerous, and never moreso than when he can
use Neku as a weapon.
"No?" Joshua echoes.
"No," Neku repeats, more firmly.
"Pity." He sighs and looks up at the ceiling, hand on his chin as he thinks.
"May I ask why?"
Neku forces himself to relax; even if he can't let his guard down, it won't
help to stay tense. "Why bother," he says flatly, "you already know."
Joshua hums tunelessly. "Indulge me."
Neku huffs and throws him a glare; Joshua watches him with angelic innocence,
though the only angels Neku can picture him with are the sort that extol the
virtues of cleansing fire.
But there's no avoiding it: it's not like he'd let him change the topic before
he's satisfied. "Well, for one thing, you're my friend." And just because
that's true doesn't make saying it any less strange: he's not used to having
friends, and this particular friendship is bracketed by murder and scheming the
whole way through.
"Oh, is that all?" Is that all -- but he doesn't let him interject -- "Because
it's hardly as though I'm that easy to kill. I'm the Composer of Shibuya, dear;
you would have to want me dead for it to stick."
"What, choking you isn't enough?" That's not exactly the kind of thing you do
to friends.
"Neku, Neku, Neku…" he says, shaking his head. "Intent matters at least as much
as actions when it comes to the Underground. If you just shot me by accident, -
- well, with your imagination being what it is, I could possibly die, but it's
highly unlikely. So long as you wanted me to get up afterwards, I'd be
completely fine."
"And if I didn't, I'd be the Composer." A win for Joshua either way.
"Why, Neku, you do understand! Congratulations!" He beams. Neku resists the
urge to punch him in the face, though he's not sure why he bothers. … Oh,
right: the bastard'd probably enjoy it. Definitely shouldn't do it, then.
"… Yeah, still not doing it."
Joshua drums his fingers on the table, the rhythm intimately familiar in a way
Neku doesn't understand until he realises: it's his own heartbeat. Well, that's
not disturbing. "You know, Neku, I'd almost think you have some baggage."
That fucker--! "I can't imagine why," he forces out, grimacing. "What with you
having already tried to get me to kill you, and --" No. He's not going to talk
about this.
"… and?" And the asshole looks expectant. Of course he does; he knows exactly
what happened.
"I don't want to talk about this," he says, like it's going to matter.
Joshua shakes his head again, watching him like a wolf who's found the odd one
out. "Ah, repression," he says, understanding dawning, and if this wasn't his
intention the whole time, Neku'll eat his headphones. "Tell me: are you more
afraid that you'd do it again, or that your friends will drop you over it like
you no doubt suspect you'd deserve?"
Neku really ought to punch him, get him to shut up somehow, but when he tries
to grab Joshua's collar and shove him, his hand goes straight through. And the
Composer (and it is the Composer, little enough of his partner visible in
Joshua's eyes) is harsh, but even as Neku starts to wonder if this is it, this
is when his unforgiving trust fails him, Joshua nods and backs off, brow
furrowed. "It's over and done, Neku."
"Fuck off," Neku snaps.
"You're not that person anymore," Joshua states, ignoring him, "and you hardly
were at the time."
"I said, fuck off," Neku repeats, and Joshua -- blessedly -- does.
Fuck.
===============================================================================
That whole miserable conversation sticks with him, though, as much as he wishes
it wouldn't, and there's only one person who knows Joshua well enough to tell
how much is bullshit. (All of it, probably: just because much of what he says
is true doesn't make it less bullshit.)
So he gives it a few days, helps Shiki and Eri with their latest outfit (they
can't decide whether they want to make his chest look full or play up his
proportions, but it's looking promising), studies with Beat and Rhyme (entrance
exams are coming up, and it's still the best way to keep their grades up),
pokes at a few of his own projects, and pretty much does everything else on his
to do list except go to WildKat for as long as he can justify.
But before the end of the week, he's in the café, pretending to drink some hot
chocolate as Mr Hanekoma hums and looks through his sketchbook, pausing briefly
on a doodle of his friends in Miyashita Park, smiling wanly at a gesture sketch
of Joshua helping Hanekoma in the kitchen, recognisable only through Joshua's
mop of hair.
It's a nice moment, and he doesn't really want to ruin it by bringing up
Joshua's latest bullshit, but Hanekoma doesn't give him the choice. "I heard
Josh gave you a visit," he says casually, once he's gotten to the end of Neku's
latest sketches and passed it back.
"Yeah," Neku says, less than cooperative.
"If he's trying to get you to do things you don't want to," he says, serious,
"let me know and I'll talk to him. He's a good kid, but …."
Neku seriously has to wonder about Hanekoma's standards. "He's trying to get me
to kill him again."
Hanekoma sighs, this long drawn out thing, not so much exasperated as that's
the way it goes. "If it's any consolation, I don't think he entirely means it.
He just needs to -- push. At everything, especially himself."
"And something about me being able to kill him without him dying, is that
bullshit, too?"
Hanekoma goes quiet. Stands up, starts up the espresso machine. "I didn't think
he'd try going there with you this soon."
"And that means …?"
He doesn't say anything while he fixes his own coffee, scratching the back of
his neck. Neku stirs his hot chocolate. WildKat is rarely silent, even if
Hanekoma rarely has customers, but it feels like it should be, even as the
percolator gurgles. "Joshua likes … risks."
"I got that," Neku says flatly, "what with the Game and all."
"The Composer can't die by accident, so he's been known to …."
"… ask people to kill him for funsies?" This is absurd.
Hanekoma nods, barely perceptible. "He shouldn't have asked you."
"He really fucking shouldn't have." Neku almost wishes he'd bought a scone to
stare at, but all of the ones in the case looked less than appetising. Stale,
probably.
Hanekoma rubs at his neck again and lets out a breath. "… Do you need me to
talk to him?"
"Nah, I just …." He doesn't want to talk about this, but Joshua was right even
if he is completely awful: what is he afraid of? "He asked me to choke him," he
says finally, knowing Hanekoma knows exactly what he means.
Hanekoma lets out a whistle. "That's … that's pretty bad," he admits, and
Neku's relieved that for once he's not immediately jumping to Joshua's defense.
Small mercies.
"And the thing is, I keep thinking about it. Like …." He trails off.
Hanekoma looks straight at him until he meets his eyes. "You're a good kid,
Neku," Hanekoma says, serious.
"I nearly killed Shiki."
"But you didn't."
"I still would have, if you hadn't …"
"Neku." He stands over the counter, looking down at him. "You didn't, and you
didn't want to." Neku's less sure of that, but he doesn't interrupt. "Sometimes
people do bad things when they're in a bad situation. It doesn't make them bad
people."
He'd like to trust Mr Hanekoma on this, but it's hard. "… Maybe," he concedes,
but he still thinks the person he started the game as … was not a very good
person.
"You don't have to believe me," he says, "but either way, you're not that
person anymore."
And that much, he can agree with. "But I still keep thinking about it."
Hanekoma pulls a stool over and sits down. Sips his coffee. "And?"
"Is it … is it awful that I keep thinking about what if I did try to kill him?
I mean, he's my friend."
"He did ask you to, Neku," he says, stirring his cup, though Neku didn't see
him put in cream or sugar or anything. "But Neku -- Josh isn't as easy to kill
as all that."
A disbelieving stare. "So what's even the point in asking me? Just to fuck with
me?"
"I wouldn't put it past him," he admits, "but … it's a bit of a trust
exercise."
"Because trying to kill someone who can't die takes so much trust."
Hanekoma blinks. "He's not immortal."
Sometimes, Neku wonders who Hanekoma is, that he's such an expert on
everything. "He's good as," he says instead.
"Nah. He'd die if you wanted him dead; trying to kill someone and actually
wanting them dead aren't the same thing."
They're good as, he bites back, but Neku understands that, a little. Just as he
hadn't wanted Shiki dead, or Beat him, that second week. Maybe he does get it.
"Why's that even matter?" Dodging the real question, but maybe Hanekoma'll give
him answers he can use, all the same.
Hanekoma sips his coffee, mulling it over. Trying to decide how much Neku
should hear, like Neku isn't already not-quite-friends with the Composer? How
much even is there? "You've got a lot of power, kid," he says finally. "Josh
likes you, and he likes pushing his limits, and you're -- special."
Great. Neku loves being special; it fills him with reassurance that he's not
going to get screwed over by the Composer's latest 'homicidal at best,
omnicidal at worst' whim. He doesn't interrupt, though.
"So he likes feeling like he's risking something, and here you are, with more
trust for him than he gives anybody …."
"Trust your partner," he mutters, and Hanekoma nods seriously. Trusting
Joshua's got him shot, though. Twice.
That must've shown on his face, because he adds, "Look, he's not too used to
the RG kinds of affection, so would you at least think about it? For me?"
Dead people are weird, but Mr Hanekoma probably has his reasons, and Neku
trusts him, at least. "I never wanted to hurt anyone," he says, because he
needs to hear it out loud.
"Never said you did, kid. But sometimes being hurt feels like the best way to
show you have control, or that you can lose it, and things'll still be okay."
Neku makes a noncommittal sound, and Hanekoma lets him sit on that, enjoying
his coffee and refilling Neku's cocoa when he finishes it. He even doesn't
charge for once, a minor miracle, and it's nice. Maybe not the best of
circumstances, but enjoy the moment with everything you've got, right?
Even if it is kind of messed up.
===============================================================================
He's in rather lighter spirits, having talked about his artwork (he still needs
to learn to commit to something, even if it's wrong, but Hanekoma sees a lot of
potential) and how his drumming's going, and even how his application for
Geidai is going. Hanekoma's uncharacteristic generosity unfortunately doesn't
extend to free donuts, but he gives Neku another refill, and then of course
once he thinks of leaving, Joshua saunters in like he owns the place.
Which, honestly, he might.
"Heeeey, Josh!" Hanekoma calls, waving as he walks over. Joshua waves back,
smug as ever, as Hanekoma leans towards him and says, "I talked to him for
you."
"I see," Joshua replies quietly, expressionless. He turns to Neku and waves
cheerfully: "Good morning, Neku."
"It's mid-afternoon," Neku corrects irritably, but Joshua just waits. "… Hey."
Apparently satisfied, Joshua smirks at him. "I need to talk to Mr H, but if you
would …?"
"Hachiko in an hour? I need to drop this off at home."
Joshua nods and moves out of the way of the door for Neku to pass. "Have a good
trip, Neku," he says, and the welcome mat slides just as Neku steps onto it.
Fucking -- he catches himself before he hits the floor and glares at Joshua.
"You really couldn't stop from being that much of an asshole?"
Joshua shrugs. "Honestly, Neku, it's not my fault you're clumsy."
"Right. See you in an hour," he forces out. Must he always …. It's not worth
it: he's got things to do, and Joshua's just trying to piss him off. Better to
spite him when he can. "Nice seeing you, Mr H!" he calls as he leaves, and he
hears a "Come back anytime!" before the door closes and he's off.
===============================================================================
No one's there when Neku goes to drop his stuff off, thank fuck. He didn't
think anyone would be this early, but it's nice to have the confirmation. It
makes it easy for him to pack away his larger sketchbook and grab some pocket
money without anyone hassling him.
He heads straight over towards Hachiko once he's done with his errands, since
he's got nothing better to do, and settles in to snack and draw until Joshua
gets there. If Joshua gets there; it wouldn't be the first time he no-showed,
not by a long shot.
He texts Shiki and Beat, just in case: If i dont say anything to you by
tomorrow morning, joshuas probably murdered me again, sorry. (҂ù_ú)
He gets a u ok dude? and plz try not to die ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡ back, and replies to them
both with I think itll be fine so dont worry too much.
There. Worst-case scenario accounted for, and there's worse things he could do
with an afternoon than sit on a bench and sketch the passersby, as he nibbles
his Sunshine chicken nuggets. It's cool enough that his ice cream'll keep until
he's done, and he doesn't think it's a Game week: Hachiko tends to feel
different around that time.
Shibuya's a beautiful city, and late afternoon's a beautiful time for it.
"You'd think the tourists would have found something else to do by now," Joshua
says from behind his bench.
Neku doesn't jump, but it's a near thing. He glances at his phone to check the
time, then turns to look at him. "You're late, you know." Five minutes exactly.
Neku'd lay money on it being down to the second; it seems the thing he'd do.
"Am I?" Like he hadn't thought about it. He lightly rests a hand on Neku's
shoulder and closes his eyes, mouth moving silently, then hops over the bench
to join him.
"Ice cream?" he says, already handing Joshua the second cone. The city sounds
that little bit louder -- not like it did in the Game, but close enough that he
figures Joshua did something -- but he's too relaxed to want to ask questions
he won't hear the answers to, and it's probably harmless enough.
Joshua makes a face, but takes it anyway; it's melting a little. "If you
insist," he concedes, licking the drips away with deliberation. A bit goes onto
his fingers, and he licks that, too. Neku forces himself to look back at the
crowds; Joshua's just messing with him again.
He crunches the last of his own ice cream cone, then turns towards Joshua, not
actually looking at him. "So … did you have a plan, or …?"
"I was thinking of taking you back to my place," he says, so casually he might
as well have been talking about the weather.
His first instinct's to yell at him for making fun of him like that, but
Joshua's hands are closed, tense like he so rarely is, and he might actually
have meant it. Neku's never been invited to anything of Joshua's, unless you
count the Game; he's always had to do the real legwork, and Joshua would follow
it or not depending on his whims, like a particularly aggravating poodle. It's
either Neku's suggestions or Mr Hanekoma's; Neku hadn't even been sure if there
was anything between the Composer and the Joshua he sees once in a blue moon.
"You have a place?" he says once he's kicked his surprise down. Joshua looks at
him like he's particularly obtuse today; what's that for? "… Wait, you mean …."
"Yes, Neku," he says patiently. "The apartment down by the Shibuya River is
mine. I am the Composer."
"Yeah, but …." It hadn't seemed like someplace anyone would actually stay. Just
some strange secret base for the old Conductor. It makes sense, though, if he
thinks about it and squints. "Isn't there a wall there in the Realground? I'm
alive."
"I could fix that," he says, leering, but he keeps talking as Neku shoves him.
"I raised your Frequency enough for you to get through if you're with me," he
explains. "I can't bring you fully to the Underground -- you are alive,
regrettably -- but it's close enough for this purpose."
"Huh." He's not sure what Joshua wants, but he might like to find out. And he's
caught up on his homework, and he doesn't want to head home before he has to.
Maybe they can watch a movie or something. What did even he have there? He just
remembers bright lights and fish and a lot of money spent very visibly. It
can't be too bad. "Okay."
Joshua's eyebrows twitch, and he smirks. "Wow, Neku, I never suspected you were
a cheap date."
"I am not a cheap date!" he squawks. "This isn't a --" Wait. Is this a date?
Joshua's grin widens like this is the best thing he's seen all week. "Yes,
Neku," he says patiently, "this is a date."
"Since when?!" No one told him this was a date!
"Neku," he drawls, "I just invited you to my own personal domain -- and as you
may imagine, I do not do that often -- after requesting from you a sexual
favour, which you were -- while not amenable to -- not completely opposed. Yes.
This is a date."
He's going to need a minute to process this. "What sexual favour?" he says
slowly.
Joshua looks at him like a particularly obtuse beetle.
Eventually, it dawns on him. "… Wait. That's a sex thing?"
"It can be, Neku." And Joshua is the slightest bit pink, which almost makes up
for Neku's spider monkey impression. Almost. At least he's not the only one
who's lost some composure.
And wait, shit. "… I talked to Mr H about a sex thing?" Oh god. Hanekoma is
never going to take him seriously again.
"He's quite the busybody," Joshua says dryly.
He talked to Mr Hanekoma about a sex thing. He talked to Mr Hanekoma about
Joshua's sex things. His life is over -- wait, maybe he shouldn't think that
near Joshua.
Joshua looks like he's having the time of his life -- or death, as the case may
be. The dog who'd found the bone with the steak still attached. "Now if you're
quite finished, shall we?"
Neku buries his head in his hands. At least he figured this out before they'd
left, because he's going to need a minute, and taking it in public's a hell of
a lot better than at Joshua's place.
Okay.
So Joshua wants him to -- what, pretend to murder him to get his rocks off? How
does he feel about this?
… Honestly, less creeped out than when he'd thought it was just to mess with
him as part of his weird dead people hobbies. Joshua's still trying to mess
with him because he's an asshole, but it's also some kind of weird sex thing,
and Neku can kind of understand the appeal of life or death situations. Kind
of. Not enough to want to ever need to be in one again. But he can see there is
one, and Joshua always needs some new boundary to push.
He's actually thinking about this. Joshua wants weird creepy murder sex with
him and he's not rejecting this out of hand.
When did his life come to this, and why is he not bothered by it?
"Is this some weird 'you' thing, or do other people actually do this, too?" he
asks, because apparently he's never learned not to ask questions he doesn't
want the answers to.
"Thousands of people die from autoerotic asphyxiation each year, Neku," he
says. He is way too entertained by this.
It takes him a moment, but "Why?" is all Neku can say to that. "-- And why do
you know that!?"
"You'd have to ask Tenho," he says cheerfully. Neku's confusion must've showed
on his face, because he clarifies: "The reaper who first stole the microphone?"
Wait, what? "He died from choking himself?!"
Smug. Always smug. "Choking himself while masturbating. Yes."
He could have gone his whole life without knowing that. He remembers not
knowing that. It was a happier time. "I really hate you," he says with fervour.
"Let's go."
"You lead," Joshua says, and his smile might even be honest. Jerk.
===============================================================================
Their trek through the sewers is mostly uneventful, Joshua narrating something
about the rivers Styx and Acheron that leave Neku with some inexplicable
feeling of déjà vu, though he could have sworn he hadn't heard it before.
Rivers through death, rivers around death. "If vampires can't cross running
water, you'd think you'd have trouble," Neku quips, when they get to the little
stream that could pass for what's left of the river.
Joshua chuckles, and Neku's boot gets stuck in a piece of sludge. "Real
mature," he says, and while he'd kept most of himself out of it, he's still
splattered sewer goop onto his trousers. Ewwww.
"Wow, Neku, you really stink," Joshua says, like he's learned something new.
"Thanks," Neku says, "since it's not like you're the one who decided a sewer
seemed a great place to stay."
"It's traditional," Joshua says absently.
"Some tradition."
And there's the wall. If Neku squints, he can almost see the tangle of barbed
wire and Noise that had been his nemesis during the Game.
"Second thoughts?" Joshua says, watching him. He's staring, he realises.
"Lead the way, O Great Composer," Neku drawls, completely deadpan, and he does.
===============================================================================
"Welcome to my humble abode," Joshua says as they walk through the wall, and
the sudden light blinds him for a moment.
The place in the sewers is just as ridiculous as it had been in the Game, but
now that Neku's looking for it, he can see how this could be Joshua's. Bright,
clean lines, minimal design, and the clashing childishness of a foosball table
in the back. Of course foosball; his partner watches kiddie TV, doesn't he, so
why would Neku expect a little maturity in the secret base for his job as evil
taskmaster of the damned. God.
Neku half-expects that if he's got a bookshelf, half of it'll be shounen manga,
and not the good stuff.
And he's thinking about anything other than what he's about to do. What a
coward.
"So …" He doesn't know what to say.
Joshua's eyes flicker to Neku's boots, covered in more sewer grime than he
wants to think about, and he removes them belatedly. "Anything I can get you? I
am your host," he says smoothly, eyebrows raised.
"Um …." What did you ask for in this situation?
"A drink? Food? … Sexual favours?"
Neku chokes back a laugh. He'd be offended, but -- that is actually what
they're here for, isn't it. Holy shit. "I could go for a shower," he admits.
Joshua beams. He is of course still immaculate, sewer trek notwithstanding.
"Down the hall and to the left," he says, pointing. "The towels are fresh."
"… right," and he escapes off to it.
The bathroom is as fancy as everything else, the floor aquarium extending up to
form one of the walls, though there's a large reef between the bathroom and the
lounge. It's a little disconcerting stripping with some tangs staring at him,
but it's not like the fish are going to tell anyone.
He's halfway through his shower before he realises he'd forgot to ask for a
change of clothes, but by the time he's out, his own set's cleanly folded next
to the sink. Probably from the same Composer talent he'd used for his own
clothes; Neku hadn't heard anyone come in, and can't imagine Joshua would pass
up the chance for commentary.
This is so incredibly weird, but not bad. Everything might actually be okay,
despite everything.
===============================================================================
But of course it doesn't feel that way when he steps back out into the lounge.
Joshua's sprawled over one of the sofas, having changed into what looks to be
frilly Natural Puppy pyjamas, judging by the colour scheme. Neku hadn't even
known Natural Puppy made pyjamas, but if anyone would buy them, it'd be Joshua.
It'd almost be amusing, but Joshua's watching him as soon as he steps into
view, and he feels like the rabbit that's just found the wolf. A pastel blue
and pink wolf, mind, but a wolf nonetheless.
Neku doesn't even have his hair styled right now.
Joshua looks him over, clearly judging, and smirks. "Don't worry," he purrs, "I
only bite if you ask politely."
… really? Neku can't help it: he laughs. "Get a new line," he says. "That's the
cheesiest thing I've ever heard."
Joshua smiles, and it's like being let in on a joke. "I told Sanae that, but
did he listen? I think he might still be using it, actually."
'Sanae' sounds like a name he should recognise, but he doesn't. Maybe one of
the reapers. "You can tell him I'll back you up on that one, if you want," he
says, and he might even mean it. It's a pretty bad line.
"I just might." Joshua's grin is all teeth.
Neku's sure something is going to fall on him -- nothing goes his way for long,
and Joshua keeps being very nearly decent, which can't be a good sign -- but
fuck it. Fuck it. He sets his dignity aside, and … "So, did you have a plan, or
…?" Smooth, Neku. Smooth.
Joshua hums, thinking about it. He probably has a plan with charts, knowing
him, but hell if he'd let Neku know anything about it until the last minute.
Neku kind of wonders what's wrong with him, that he's okay with that today.
Maybe he won't be tomorrow, but that's tomorrow.
"With Megumi, we usually went straight to it," Joshua says, self-satisfied,
"but you probably expect some reciprocation, hm~?"
Megumi. He recognises that name. It takes him a second, but -- "You had sex
with your Conductor!?"
"No," Joshua explains patiently, "I occasionally had him kill me for my own
amusement."
"That's not any better!"
Joshua honestly looks confused, like it's Neku's fault he sees anything wrong
with this. And that's -- holy shit. Either Joshua's trying to piss him off, and
that's not a subject anyone should ever joke about, or he honestly doesn't
understand why Neku'd be upset, and either way, that's -- holy shit.
Holy shit.
"Is there a problem?" Joshua says eventually, watching him. Not smug, not
amused, just -- watching. Holy shit.
Holy shit. "To start with," Neku says shakily, "you just told me you killed one
of your exes."
Joshua tilts his head. "We never dated."
"I don't care," Neku states. "He trusted you -- he trusted you enough that you
used him for your weird hang-ups -- and you killed him for, for what, a bet?"
"He knew the terms when he agreed to it," and it's not justifying, just laying
out the facts, but Neku doesn't have words for how much he doesn't give a shit
right now.
"Get out," Neku snarls, and holy shit, but he just said that to the Composer in
his own place and there is no way he's getting out of this alive --
-- Joshua looks at him and vanishes.
===============================================================================
Neku … is really not sure what to do now. Heading home's not really an option
this time of day; they'll be getting back soon and that's one confrontation
he'd like to avoid. Maybe he can see if the Bitous would put him up for a night
-- who is he fooling? They might like him, but they don't want him around. And
Shiki's family's weird about her being friends with boys, even if it grates on
him to count as one. He's not sure what they're worried about; maybe that she'd
rub off on him or something.
Honestly, what he'd like to do is sleep right here on the couch, even if he's
not sure how to turn the lights off. Joshua's not here (he's not sure where he
went, but he's not here) and he's so much more tired than he thought he was.
Sleep here, maybe skip class tomorrow. It has a definite appeal, if he ignores
that Joshua's surely pissed at him and he's probably going to come back.
His phone buzzes: new text. From a number he doesn't know. He checks it anyway:
You may stay as long as you'd like. I won't interrupt.
Joshua. He so does not want to have this conversation right now. Are you
reading my mind or something?
Not intentionally, but it's difficult not to when you're thinking about me.
Try harder.
He waits a minute to see if Joshua'll reply again, but he seems to have taken
the hint. Small mercies.
Since he's got his phone out, he might as well text Beat and Shiki. Well. I'm
not dead yet.
oh good, Shiki replies. did it go okay?
… He's not sure he wants to talk about this with Shiki; Shiki'd just tell him
Joshua's an asshole and not worth his time, and while she's right, it's not
what he wants to hear right now. It was okay. Ill talk to you about it
tomorrow. Going to bed. That's probably good enough.
night
Come on, Beat, reply …! There we go. … Right, his phone doesn't have a real
keyboard. thats prolly good
Yeah i wasnt sure for a bit there. Joshs an asshole. On the off-chance Joshua's
listening (like there's any real possibility he isn't), Neku makes sure to
think it very loudly. Serves him right.
need me 2 punch him 4 u?
He chuckles. If only. Nah i got it. Thanks though.
np
Yaaaaaawn. He really ought to go, though he's not sure where to. Go somewhere
where he doesn't have to deal with this callous asshole, or at least not
immediately. But … Joshua did say he can stay, and he's not really looking
forward to going through the sewers again. If he can even leave on his own, and
that's an actual question. Fuck it.
Josh and i had a fight. Im gonna crash on his couch though. Check tomorrow to
see if im okay ok?
idk man i dont trust him but sure ok good luck
He'll need it. Thanks.
… right. First to see if he can turn down the lights, and … might as well ask
Joshua what he's wondering. Joshua's a shitbag, but the question is how much of
a shitbag? So can I leave or am I stuck here.
You're free to leave whenever you like.
It's only the minimum standard, but he still relaxes. OK. Im staying here
tonight then. I dont want to see you until tomorrow though.
And that's still the minimum standard, but his relief when Joshua texts back an
Understood. is palpable. This is pathetic.
He gets up to turn on the jukebox, and finds out its library contains every
band Neku's heard of and many he hasn't; perks of being the Composer, he
guesses, and it only takes a few minutes and some yelling to put on a playlist
like the one on his player. The lights are a mystery, but either they're on a
timer for the fish or Joshua pulls some strings, because they dim on their own.
He settles onto the couch and watches the fish, until he eventually drifts off
to sleep.
This evening's fired.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Neku's going to guess the lights are on a timer, because they come on again
right when his phone says it's six in the morning. Too damn early, in Neku's
opinion, but he could make it to school in time if he tries.
He doesn't feel like trying today. School can suck it.
This couch is the most comfortable thing he's sat on in his life. He is going
to marry this couch. He is going to marry this couch and hope it produces
little absurdly-comfortable couch babies. He loves this couch.
He loves this couch so much that he almost -- almost -- doesn't turn and scowl
when he hears someone walking up. Joshua, of course, today all decked out in a
Lapin Angelique dress and carrying a tray of coffee, pancakes, and soup. Joshua
smiles wanly when Neku looks at him, but he just silently sets the pancakes on
his side of the table and sits down on the other couch, soup in hand. He then
daintily pours them both some coffee, and leans back like he hasn't a care in
the world.
But he's leaving it to Neku to break the silence first. "… Hey," Neku says
eventually.
"Good morning, Neku," he says politely. He sips his seafood soup, and he keeps
not quite looking in Neku's direction. If this is Joshua with his tail between
his legs … well, Neku doesn't regret yelling at him -- Joshua deserved that and
more -- but this is just bizarre. Like he's not sure which way to run.
"… You sleep okay?" he says, for lack of anything better. What the hell do you
say to the biggest asshole you know, whose current approximation of 'guilt' is
much closer to 'I'm sorry you're mad at me' than anything resembling personal
responsibility? Neku has no idea.
"Hm?" Joshua glances up, the hangdog look gone as if it never were. Just easy
confidence, now and always. "I don't need to sleep," he starts to say, and just
as Neku's furrowing his brow, he adds, "but I slept fine. Mr H let me stay with
him." Not quite a jab at the audacity of Neku kicking Joshua out of his own
place. He thinks.
But that explains the food. He starts attacking his pancakes, for something to
do as much as anything else. "Mr H, huh," he repeats. "You having him tell me
to give you a chance again?"
That gets his hackles up, and if Neku can read him that easily, last night must
have really thrown Joshua off his stride. "That was on his own initiative,"
Joshua says archly. "I simply wished to speak to him."
"Right," Neku says, less than convinced. "Well, do you at least understand why
I'm mad?"
Joshua isn't looking at him. "A lack of information as to the nature of life
and death, presumably," he says, snide.
"If it's just a lack of information," Neku says, voice cold, "then you can do
something about it." Like that would ever happen. Is there even a point to
this? Joshua won't give up his advantages, and he definitely won't admit he
could have done something wrong. Neku honestly might better spend his time by
rushing home to get his stuff and heading off to school, as little as he wants
to do that today.
"It's difficult," Joshua says slowly, and screw difficult, "because much of
it's classified past where even most Reapers are allowed to know."
"Gee, thanks." Joshua might -- might; Neku doubts it, but he might -- be
telling the truth about that, but it certainly doesn't make Neku feel better.
Besides, Joshua is the Composer. Who the hell does he need to answer to?
"Neku." Joshua leans back against the couch, lazily regal in his lace and
ruffles, and looks straight at him. "Rest assured that Megumi knew precisely
what the stakes were, and that erasure is not nearly as dreadful a fate as you
seem to believe. His soul is likely quite satisfied in its new life; he was
reaching a plateau as Conductor, anyway. I don't understand what you wish to
hear." A quiet anger, that Neku doesn't immediately jump to his opinion.
Well, Joshua will just have to deal with that. "What I'm looking for is some
indication that you understand murder is wrong," Neku states, "or that someone
might be upset by the idea of it happening to them!"
"He agreed to play!"
"Like I 'agreed' to play as your Proxy?" he snaps. "Pardon me if I don't
instantly agree that oh, he knew what he was getting into!"
Joshua rubs at his temples. "But he did know, Neku. Stop insulting him for
being willing to move on for Shibuya's sake."
"Shibuya wouldn't even have been in danger if you hadn't decided it needed to
go." And he's tired. Tired of being used, of being reminded Joshua's used other
people, too.
Joshua sighs. Hesitates. "Neku?"
This had better be good. "What."
"I apologise," he says slowly, like the words taste bitter in his mouth. "I had
not intended on upsetting you last night, and for that, I am sorry."
… well. "And the rest?" he says warily.
"Subject to debate."
… That's … honestly better than he expected. It's not actually good, but it's
still better than nothing. "So if you didn't mean to piss me off, what the hell
did you think you were doing?"
"I wanted you to momentarily picture Megumi naked," he says, like it's the most
normal thing in the world. "He was quite an attractive man, after all, even if
his fashion sense left something to be desired."
The former Conductor? Neku'll pass, thanks. "He was twice our age," he manages.
"Let's not and say we didn't."
"Why does that matter?" Honest confusion again. Neku doesn't even know what to
do with this guy. "And while he might be twice your age, I died before he was
born."
That's … kind of weird, actually. He's not sure what to do with that tidbit,
either. "… I think if you already don't see the problem here, you're not going
to, and there are so many more important things to get you to realise are
fucked up."
Joshua looks at him, hand on his chin. "But Neku," he says, "I'm already
perfect."
And this is a bit more comfortable. "Yeah, right," Neku drawls. "Perfectly
obnoxious."
Joshua preens. "You simply don't appreciate my superior intellect," he says,
magnanimous, "but it's okay, Neku: I forgive you."
Neku smirks, a bit sad. "I'm tired of arguing," he admits. "Can't we just play
foosball or something?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
===============================================================================
Joshua wins the first game, and the second. By the third, Neku's suspecting him
of cheating; Joshua offering him a handicap doesn't help matters. The fourth,
Neku finally wins, and Joshua suggests they switch to Tin Pin.
Joshua handily wipes the board of him the first game, but Neku doubles down and
they're neck and neck. Joshua is really unfairly good at Tin Pin; Neku's been
able to beat Shooter even when he isn't throwing it at least one try out of
three (and he tries not to think of how proud he is of beating a child), but
Joshua is still a challenge.
"I thought you didn't know how to play Tin Pin," Neku accuses, and it's strange
how much that bothers him.
"You're right: I didn't," Joshua says. He sets his pins down on the board: of
course he can control three at once, even if he hasn't been to keep it fair. "I
spent some time practicing in -- well. Suffice to say that if you ever do
decide to shuffle off this mortal coil, remind me to bring you to where I spent
the third week."
"… I'll keep that in mind," he says flatly. What is it with Joshua and wanting
Neku to be dead? At least he hasn't taken matters into his own hands ….
And that reminds him: he needs to message Beat and Shiki again, especially
since they might find out he didn't show up to school. He pulls his phone out,
Joshua inclining his eyebrow as a silent question, and sends them a text:
Hanging out with joshua today. Still not dead.
They don't send him a reply, which is a good sign: it means they're in class.
But that means it's the morning and Neku has the whole day to himself. "You
wanna go out somewhere?" he says.
Joshua whistles. "Not that I'm not flattered, but I, Neku, am not a cheap
date."
"I -- what --" he splutters. "No! That is not what I meant!"
"What did you mean, then, Neku?" he says, like he doesn't already know.
"I meant -- do you … want to go to WildKat, or Miyashita Park, or Udagawa, or
something?"
Joshua hums. "We could always do a reenactment of how we first met," he says
brightly. "I'd need to call Minamimoto in, of course, even though it's his week
off, but I'm sure he'd oblige us."
Neku hides his face in his palm. "Are you trying to piss me off?" he says.
"Only when you make it so easy for me, dear."
And -- wait. "… I thought Minamimoto was dead."
"He is dead, Neku: he's a Reaper."
Sometimes, Neku really wants to punch him. "Erased."
"Oh, I spared him," he says lightly, like multiple assassination attempts and
Taboo magic are no big deal. "I never execute the entertaining traitors."
"… who else is still around?" he says warily, not sure if he really wants to
know.
"Anyone erased due to the whole mess with the O-pins, or who had been executed
by Konishi," he says primly. "Now there's someone whose betrayal wasn't even
interesting. I try to have a sense of humor about the whole thing, but I need
them to put some effort into it, do you understand?"
No, Neku really doesn't, but he can see there's a logic to it. "So … 777,
Lollipop, and Pinky?"
"Perfectly fine." He beams. "I hadn't thought you would care about the Reapers,
Neku."
"I don't, exactly …." But they have their job, too, and maybe they're assholes,
but they shouldn't be erased just for trying to do the right thing. Or for
having been defeated and left for Konishi to pick her teeth with. That just
isn't fair.
The whole Game is unfair, but knowing what he does of Joshua … Neku assumes it
can't just be for the Composer's sadistic amusement, but any other actual
reason is beyond him.
"What about the players erased by Taboo Noise?" he says suddenly.
"Beyond my power to control," he says quietly. "That's why it's Taboo."
"And yet you didn't kill Minamimoto." This guy makes no sense sometimes.
"Well, it's only appropriate that he be the remainder, hm~?"
Wait. "Did you just math pun at me?!"
He grins wolfishly. "I believe it's an integral part of talking about our dear
former Game Master. Maybe it's a sine."
Neku rubs his forehead. "I'm leaving; you can come if you want, but I don't
have to take this from you."
Neku storms off; Joshua chuckles and follows.
===============================================================================
Joshua tries to strike up conversation as they walk through the sewers once
again, but Neku pulls his jacket up and goes, "I'm not talking to you right
now." It's not the most mature thing he's ever done, but Joshua was making math
puns. Neku has heard enough terrible math references to last lifetimes.
Joshua stops next to the last of the piles of discarded car parts. Neku does
too, after he realises. "So if you didn't know Minamimoto is still around,"
Joshua muses, "what did you think these were for?"
"Piles of trash?" Neku suggests. They still look like piles of trash, Grim
Heaper's art project or not. "Maybe I should've realised from him not
vanishing, but I kind of had other concerns at the time."
Joshua stares at the pile, shaking his head. "For a man with so much
Imagination, his assemblage is truly dreadful."
"Yeah, I wouldn't recommend him to quit his day job."
"And he went for a homage." He points with his foot to the caption: Ceci n'est
pas un tas de ferraille. "Abysmal."
Neku glances at it and tries to puzzle out the French, then shakes his head.
"Let's just keep going. I'm starting to lose my sense of smell.
===============================================================================
Neku still can't pass by Sunshine without buying some soft serve, even if they
did already eat and people keep giving him a wide berth. He's going to need to
change again.
Unless …. "Hey, are you able to clean my clothes?"
Joshua hums. "Not while you're wearing them, no, but most people can't see you
right now, anyway. I'd be happy to help you if you do your part!"
Neku's face burns. "I'm not stripping in public."
"Again, you mean?"
"We're not going to talk about that." He still has nightmares of being pants-
free in public with Shiki. He definitely doesn't need to give them more fodder.
"What a shame."
Hey, wait …. "Is it okay for you to be out like this?" Neku asks, remembering
Pi Face's power grab.
Joshua giggles, one hand on his bonnet and the other on his frilly skirt. Still
impeccably clean, of course, and Neku's jealous. "I highly doubt he expects me
to be wearing this," Joshua states with pride. "Besides, he usually leaves
Shibuya when it isn't Game week, and it's hardly as though I'm helpless."
He's still not exactly the type to go out about town, though, Neku suspects.
It's a little weird Joshua is doing this. For what? To spend time with Neku?
It's not like he usually bothers.
"… right. Well, I need to go change, so why don't you think of something to do
while we stop by my place?"
Joshua hums agreement, and his growing grin leaves Neku with a shiver crawling
up his spine.
Maybe asking Joshua to make a plan isn't the greatest idea.
===============================================================================
Neku doesn't see any sign they realised he wasn't home last night, but then he
spends most of his time in his room, anyway, and they usually head out to work
before he wakes up, so it's no surprise. He lets Joshua wait in the living room
while Neku rinses off the grime and grabs a change of clothes. A jersey today,
he decides, but he goes with all Jupiter of the Monkey as usual. Just in case,
he packs a bag with his drawing supplies and a spare outfit; Joshua's apartment
really is pretty nice.
Joshua's intently watching some kind of sentai series when Neku's done, and
shushes him when he tries to interrupt.
"Shall we go?" Joshua says, once the credits are rolling.
"Where're we going?"
Joshua only smiles, and maybe Neku shouldn't follow him without knowing where,
but he does anyway. They walk mostly in silence, Joshua being mysterious, Neku
fiddling with his phone. -- Oh, hey, Beat texted him. ok ill get ur notes n
homework 4 u. u got a story?
Beat's a good friend, Neku thinks. Im gonna say i had a stomach bug. Just didnt
want to go to school today.
aight well dont do this too often. keep in touch n b careful bout josh k?
I will.
Joshua's raising his eyebrows at him when he puts his phone away. "Texting
while walking," Joshua observes. "And while with someone. How rude."
… really? "Are you this hypocritical by accident, or do you work at it?" Neku
has to ask.
"It's a gift," he says airily, brushing it off with his hand, "and like all
good gifts, I put a lot of time and effort into perfecting it. -- We're here."
So they went past 104, to A-East … ah. Lapin Angelique. Of course. "You wanted
to go clothes shopping?" he says, but Joshua's already prancing into the store.
Neku's about to follow, even if he really doesn't feel like shopping for much,
but a familiar voice calls out, "Hey, Phones! Where's your phones?" and he
turns and looks.
Oh. It's 777. "… Hey," Neku manages. Please may he not be about to rope Neku
into another freaking errand. "I've been leaving them at home, these days."
"That right?" he says, one hand on his hip in a statuesque contrapposto and wow
is his shirt tight. Neku slightly wishes he'd remove his hands from the band of
his pants; he does not need to see irritating attractive rock stars today.
"Hey, man, I was thinking: I heard some shit went down and we all kinda owe you
one, so how about some tickets to my concert tonight? Half off."
… he's gonna charge? Neku starts to decline, but -- "Neku, did you get lost?"
Joshua says, ducking back out of the store.
Please may 777 not recognise him; the last thing Neku needs is to be around a
reaper looking for a promotion. Again. "I was gonna be right there," he says.
Joshua looks 777 over, whistling a bit. "We have a prior engagement tonight,
I'm afraid, but if you have other days …?"
777 beams. "Two tickets for tomorrow, then?"
"Mmhm," Joshua purrs. "Neku, give the nice man some money."
"Why am I --" Neku gives up and ruffles through his pockets for his wallet. 777
says a price, and while that sounds kinda high, Joshua briskly snags his wallet
and pays him. Neku gives up.
"Here you go!" 777 chirps, handing Neku the tickets. "Threw in some backstage
passes for you, too. See you there!" And he waves and heads back to the concert
stage.
Neku blinks. "Why the hell did you just do that?" he manages, staring at
Joshua.
"I did say I wasn't a cheap date," he says primly, and walks back into the
store.
Maybe he can give them to Shiki and Eri. They'd probably love them, and anyway
he owes them at least one favour. Sigh.
===============================================================================
Princess K is absolutely delighted to see them, apparently recognising them
both from when they came in during the Game. "You should bring your other
friends next time, too," she says, foisting some tea and scones onto them both.
Joshua is perfectly poised, like he might actually have had tea with high
society friends who weren't just play-acting, and as far as Neku knows, he
might have. He doesn't think so, but it's possible.
He really doesn't know anything about Joshua's life, does he, except that he'd
looked at it all and thrown it away for the Underground. Was it worth it? Is it
worth it enough for him to want Neku to join him in it willingly? Clearly
there's some upside, or else 777 and the rest wouldn't live their double lives,
but Neku doesn't understand it.
Neku stays quiet, Joshua and Princess K practicing their skills at saying quite
a lot without ever saying anything at all, until Princess K stands up and
starts rooting through behind the counter.
"What did I miss?" he says.
"We were discussing your fashion sense," she repeats patiently. "Our honored
guest here said you used to own one of our bunny parkas before losing it, and I
remembered there was one where …." She finds it and pulls out out. "Just a
little damaged seam, but we can't sell it like it is, and you're both some of
our most valued customers …."
"Thanks," he says awkwardly. The only thing that happened to his last one was
Joshua walking off with it, but he appreciates it anyway.
"Well?" she says. "Try it on."
He pulls the parka on, being careful not to roll up his sleeves. It's actually
pretty comfortable, even if it doesn't really go with the rest of his outfit.
"Hmm, maybe if you add a hair piece …." She heads into the back, then returns
after a minute with what looks like a giant bat. "This might help; these aren't
on the shelves yet, but they're absolutely adorable and I'm sure it'd look
great."
"May I?" Joshua says, taking the hair piece and looking significantly at Neku.
Neku nods, not certain what he's agreeing to, as Joshua carefully hooks one of
its legs around Neku's ear and clips it into place.
Neku glances in the mirror. Yeah, the outfit looks a lot less tacky with a
giant fluffy bat on his head. More silly, but less tacky. "How much do I owe
you?"
===============================================================================
Neku manages to leave with his wallet more or less intact, despite Joshua
needing to check every single parasol to find the one that matches his hair
before deciding it's not quite what he was looking for. Joshua suggests they
get ramen for lunch, which is fine by him.
Or was fine by him, until Joshua pulls him past Ramen Don and stops at Neku's
nemesis.
"No," Neku says, staring at Shadow Ramen's Now Open sign.
"Their food is good," Joshua says.
"It also costs ten times as much as Ramen Don, and it's not that good. Who puts
steak on ramen?" Neku likes steak, and Neku likes ramen, but both at the same
time is just wrong.
But Joshua, picky bastard that he is, simply shrugs. "Our dear friend Mick,
apparently," he says unnecessarily, "and it's delicious."
"It's also a travesty," Neku states. "I'm not doing it."
"Not even if I treat?"
Joshua spending his own money on something. That'll be the day. "If you've got
money, why don't you pay me back for those tickets you bought?"
"Why should I? It was a good deal and I'm sure you can find something to do
with them. I was doing you a favour, really."
"It's not a favour when it's my money!" Even if he did need to get Shiki and
Eri something.
Joshua hums. "If it bothers you that much, consider it a trade for breakfast
and rent."
Neku rubs at his temples. Sometimes he suspects Joshua does this just to
frustrate him. … Other times, he knows it. "Why do you want to go to Shadow
Ramen so badly, anyway?"
Joshua grins slyly and holds up a finger for each point: "One: it's almost
completely empty. Two: the proprietor is dreadfully entertaining, and I'd
rather like to see how much it'd take to get him to cry. And the third reason's
a secret."
… Actually, that does sound kind of appealing, secret be damned. "Fine," he
concedes, "but you're paying."
===============================================================================
Joshua was right: Shadow Ramen is deserted. Miki (he might be Mick to his
friends, but Neku isn't his friend) keeps flinching every time Neku glances at
him, half from astonishment that anyone would buy his food more than once and
half from … concern about what else Neku might think is on the market. Oh dear.
Neku's almost glad he can't scan people anymore: last he remembers, Miki kept
visualising his and Neku's torrid romance, amidst worries of what would happen
if the cook saw he had left the till unattended. Like Neku would ever go for
someone who's that much of a tool.
"Can I -- get you anything?" Miki manages, glancing between the two of them
like he's not sure which way to jump.
Joshua answers first. "We'll have some … steak," he says, giving him a
significant glance, with enough eyebrow gymnastics to make 'steak' sound
synonymous with 'lapdance'. Neku almost feels bad for the guy. Almost.
"A Shadow Steak Ramen for my friend, and Absolute Shadow Ramen for me, thanks,"
he says, stepping on Joshua's foot.
He seats them near the window, and Neku leans in once he's gone. "So what's the
other reason?" he asks conspiratorially.
"After we eat," Joshua shushes him.
When Miki drops by to give them their food, Joshua inquires, "Is it true you
were F'ed by Eiji Ouji?" Neku coughs to hide his laughter.
Neku can see Miki's capacity for decency warring with the ruthless businessman,
and eventually losing to what's either humility or mediocrity. "Oh, that -
- that was a mistake," he explains apologetically.
He really should take pity on the poor man, but instead he drawls, "I'd heard
it was pretty hot stuff. Totally gnarly, even."
From Miki's face, Neku'd almost think they were tigers. "I -- I'm sorry," he
says, running off.
"I feel a little bad," Neku admits. "But only a little."
"Fortune is fickle," Joshua says sadly. "Let's eat."
Neku pokes at his ramen: it's not bad, but there's no way he can finish it.
There's also no way it's actually worth however much it cost, but if Joshua
keeps to his word, that won't be Neku's problem.
And Joshua is going to keep to his word. Neku is going to be very upset
otherwise.
"So what were you thinking?" he asks quietly.
Joshua hums, pushing a curl of hair back under his bonnet as he pulls out his
phone.
Neku's got a text: Do you think he would notice if we made out in the restroom?
(｀ε´)
He inhales a noodle. Fuck, fuck -- okay, got it out. He knew he might die if he
went with Joshua, but not like this …! ლ(ಠ_ಠლ) WHY
Why not?
"I'm not having this discussion with you over text," Neku states, trying to
keep his voice down. He's red, he knows he's red, and Joshua just -- might as
well be talking about bunnies. Instead of how he has as much discretion as
them.
"Oh?" he says, like he couldn't possibly know why.
"Or in public!" There's no one else here; Miki might not be eavesdropping as
far as he can tell, but there's no one else who could be saying this …!
Joshua taps his chin, thinking, then taps his forehead. "May I?"
What? Oh. "I guess," Neku says. Not like there's anything he could do to keep
Joshua from scanning or imprinting him if he really wanted to, anyway.
An image in his head: not a memory, just the sense of a thought he knows he
didn't have. Joshua shrugging, disappointed, as he says, You expect so little
of me.
But is he wrong, though. I can't stop you from doing whatever you want to, Neku
thinks, trying to make it at Joshua, not sure how this works.
That, I could hear anywhere even if I wasn't paying attention, he replies with
a laugh. He watches Neku, almost … wistful, maybe. Like there's something he
wants that he didn't know he couldn't have, and can't decide if he'll try to
get it anyway or if he'd never wanted it in the first place. I'm not
omnipotent.
No, you're just the Composer of Shibuya, he thinks dryly.
With power over life and death, entrusted with the task to guide Shibuya to a
brighter future, et cetera et cetera et cetera, he agrees. To guide, Neku. Not
lead.
And yet, he found the red skull pins funny. He's full of it. Neku stares at
him, not even angry, just bland. He's so tired.
They were a good effort, he agrees, smiling fondly in memory. He deftly scoops
up a few noodles and savors them before moving on, though there's no reason he
couldn't talk and eat at the same time. But Neku -- a composer writes the
music, and a conductor leads the orchestra, but the players still have to play.
A good conductor can account for a section's weaknesses, and a good composer
can amend the composition, but still: they can't force a player to play. Only
replace them with a recording, and the Music needs more than that.
There's a logic to that, but … he remembers imprinting, and how much he could
mess around with the tech. Joshua might not be omnipotent, no, but ….
I can't make anyone want to do anything they don't wish to, he says, and small
mercies: can you imagine how boring that would be, if I knew how every show
would turn out before it was performed?
Worse than the daily grind he saw himself facing and fled into the Underground
to avoid, Neku suspects. He's seen Joshua bored. It isn't a pretty sight.
Wonder at my motivations all you'd like, he says easily, and who knows: maybe I
will kill you again. You were so much fun the last time, after all! But I have
better things to do than use you as a puppet. Know that, at least. Joshua
watches him, letting that sink in.
He's not hungry anymore. "I'm done," he says, standing up. "Shall we go?"
===============================================================================
Joshua, true to his word, covers the bill, Miki stammering that they're welcome
back whenever they would like, as Joshua manages to insinuate that not only
would he be interested in sleeping with Miki, he'd be happy to let Miki's
girlfriend (or boyfriend; Joshua doesn't discriminate) watch, while
nevertheless not actually saying much at all. It's impressive, whenever it
isn't directed at Neku.
Neku accompanies him back to the west exit terminal, Joshua keeping the
conversation to trivialities as they walk, so that Neku has plenty of time to
mull over what he said.
But still not enough. Why is Joshua doing this? Neku hardly ever sees him even
when he invites him; Joshua wasting a day with him is practically unheard of,
especially now that they're out of the Game. He and his other friends, Neku
amends: Joshua's not only still in it, but he is the Game.
And that should be more of a problem than it is.
"Can … I come back with you?" Neku asks, hesitant. Joshua's been decent, he's
even occasionally been something resembling informative, but it feels like a
lot to ask. It feels like an imposition even with Shiki and Beat, and they're
his best friends. Joshua is just … Joshua, maybe not a threat, but always and
forever the person who challenged him to a duel and saved their lives.
Joshua smirks and slides into a relaxed slouch, so subtle a change that Neku
wouldn't have noticed if this day were even the slightest bit less strange.
"Why, Neku, does this mean you enjoy my company? I never would have thought …!"
and he's so self-assured about it, Neku knows it's a lie.
"Yeah, kind of," Neku says, almost surprised. "So is that a yes?"
Joshua doesn't blink, maybe just stares a moment longer than is normal, then
beams. "Certainly, Neku. Mi casa es tu casa, mi muerte es tu muerte, mi
futbolín es tu futbolín."
===============================================================================
Joshua spends the entire walk back to his place on the phone, which Neku would
be more annoyed by if he hadn't also texted Beat and Shiki what's going on. At
least Joshua too is keeping it to texting, sharing the details of his date with
Neku to Mr Hanekoma while Neku's listening being too obnoxious even for him.
Or that's what he assumes he's doing, anyway. Does Joshua even have other
friends? Certainly none Neku knows of, anyway.
Joshua strides confidently through the wall (of course he does; it's his home),
and after a moment, so does Neku. He knows now to cover his eyes as he walks
in: it's still so bright, but he can deal with it. He can deal with this, even,
whatever 'this' happens to be.
He pulls off his shoes without being prompted (and god, Joshua's still
perfectly maintained; Neku is jealous and doesn't even care) and gives Joshua a
quick look. "I'm gonna take a shower," he says briskly, and walks off without
waiting for a reply.
Neku's almost able to ignore the fish by now, which is probably why there's a
giant worm with way too many legs poking its head out of the reef this time.
"Joshua?" he calls, poking his head out the door, and blessedly his voice
doesn't waver.
"Yes?"
"You have a monster from Hell in your aquarium."
"Oh," he says like it's nothing, "that's Barry. Isn't he cute?"
Neku growls in frustration, and when he closes the shower door, it's maybe a
bit harder than necessary.
Fucking Joshua.
Chapter End Notes
     Ceci n'est pas un tas de ferraille. -- This is not a scrap heap.
     Thank you, Zhorken, for your assistance.
     Barry owes his existence to this_article.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Joshua'd cleaned his clothes again for him (thank you, Joshua, for occasionally
being actually useful), and when Neku gets dressed, he pauses to consider his
spoils from the day. Eh, it's cold; he pulls on the bunny parka, though he
leaves off the hairpiece. And Joshua doesn't have any hair gel, so … hood up it
is. He'd feel unarmed without his spikes, otherwise.
When Neku returns to the lounge, he sees Joshua slide off his perch on the bar
and beckon him to the foosball table. "Would you like to play a game?"
"Sure," Neku says. Not really what he'd expected, but it's not bad.
Neku has a distinct feeling Joshua just let him win, but fuck it, he'll take
it.
"Look at this," Joshua says, gesturing expansively at the table. "All of these
little players, moving in accordance with our wills, as we compete to kick the
ball into the other goal."
Neku raises an eyebrow. "Yeah," he says, patient, "that's foosball."
"All of them responding to the jerk of a knob," he adds, quirking his eyebrows
with a smirk, watching Neku like a dog does a ball. "Beautiful."
Is he trying to be deep, or flirting? "You know," Neku drawls, "I would have a
much easier time taking you seriously if you were talking about anything other
than foosball."
"Hey, Neku," he says, brushing his hair out of his eyes, "wanna hammer my pins
while we're both hard, until one of us falls off the table and needs to get
fingered?"
Neku stares at him. One beat. Two. And buries his head in his hands. "Why," he
howls.
"Was that too much?" Mock innocent, because of course he is, and Neku kind of
wants to kill him except he's laughing too hard. Or possibly crying: Neku can't
tell.
"When," he manages, catching his breath, "when I said that, I meant anything
other than children's games."
"You should be more specific next time, Neku," he chides, grinning. "Otherwise,
someone might just take that the wrong way."
Neku slumps into a sigh. "Look, if you're going to hit on me, just -- hit on
me. Don't make it about foosball, don't make it about Tin Pin, don't make it
about whatever bizarre point you're trying to make. Just … be direct, okay?"
Joshua hums. "Does that imply you return my feelings?" he says lightly. Making
it into a joke; Neku can't hurt him if he doesn't care. Not everyone needs
headphones to shut out the world.
"Given that I don't want you to murder me, I'm gonna guess not," he says dryly,
before rubbing at his neck. "I don't know what your feelings are, okay? You
don't make sense to me. … But I trust you."
"Trust in someone you neither understand nor forgive," Joshua murmurs. "You're
very strange, Neku."
"I know," Neku says, "but I also know you. Put what you want into words, and
maybe I'll say yes."
Joshua shifts his weight onto the foosball table, casual. So casual. "I've told
you what I want," he murmurs.
"What? Just for me to choke you?" Neku watches him, crossing his arms. "Be
specific."
Joshua backs up, pushes himself onto the bar. Retreating to higher ground. "I
want you to choke me," he says, one hand fiddling with his ruffles, the other
hand splayed over the edge of the counter. "I want you to choke me, and I want
to know I owe my continued existence to your unfathomable goodwill, that you
have used me and I you and we have neither of us met in the middle, only
brushed up close enough to see the chasm. Neku, I want you, but I -- I don't -
- what do you want!?"
Joshua's glaring now, tense like a lightning storm, the counter where his
hand's now clenching down crackling and reforming with his power. Neku watches
him, face blank, and takes a step forward. And another, and another. Looks up
at Joshua, the bar giving him that extra height, Neku's mouth open in a silent
question, not caring even a little if Joshua pulls what he's thinking out of
his mind.
Joshua stares, eyes wide in more fear than he'd shown the Taboo Noise, and
kisses him.
It's not very good, neither of them sure where to fit their noses, and Joshua
with a bit of fish breath, but Joshua's eager to shove his tongue into Neku's
mouth and Neku doesn't mind, doesn't mind at all. Beat's more cautious, more
sweet and patient and exploratory, but Joshua pulls Neku close to him like he
thinks he'd disappear otherwise. Neku returns the embrace, one hand on the
small of his back, trying to be careful and steady even as Joshua pushes in
enough that Neku accidentally bites his tongue. At least Joshua doesn't seem
disappointed by that, though.
It's not very good, but it is Joshua, and Neku's a bit disappointed when he has
to pull back to breathe. "Joshua," he says, and the name sounds odd in his
voice. "I don't know what I want," he admits, and it might as well have been a
bullet for the look on Joshua's face. "I don't know what I want, but -- Joshua,
you're my friend, and I like you. You're a jerk and a manipulative bastard and
the biggest asshole I know, but you're still my friend, and I don't want you to
be unhappy. So -- so if it's okay with you, that I don't know what I want, then
let's do it."
Joshua's still staring, long enough that Neku starts to wonder if he'd said the
wrong thing, and then he starts to laugh, this harsh, hushed hyena chuckle that
carries on until he suddenly stops. "Of course, Neku," he says finally, like
he's not sure why he expected anything different. "… Can I go down on you?"
Neku chokes, face bright red. That's, uh. That's a better reaction than he
expected.
Joshua smiles at him indulgently. "Or jerk you off; I suppose I'm not too
particular," he amends, like it's the weather.
"The, uh, the first one sounds good?" he squeaks. He just -- he just said that,
and he sounded like a dork. "I like the first idea," he reiterates, more
confidently.
Joshua smirks, maybe brighter than he'd meant, and readjusts his bonnet. "Do
try to refrain from comparing me to your other partners, mind," he adds. "I
just might take offense."
… wait, what? "You --" Neku hasn't even had a blowjob before, and -- wait.
"Inform me before reading my mind!"
"It's not my fault that I hear you when you shout," he says breezily. "I'll see
what I can do, if it bothers you so much."
"Good. Do that." He rubs at his arm and sighs. It's good that Joshua isn't
making this weird.
Well. He is making this weird, but he isn't being any less Joshua about it.
Neku was worried, for a moment.
Joshua's watching him, he realises, waiting for him to decide to move. Neku
smiles at him: it's okay. Joshua smirks, like it's completely ridiculous that
anyone would think he could have been concerned.
"… Now what?" Neku says.
The lights dim as Joshua hums like he's tackling a particularly interesting
problem, and he lightly directs Neku to sit on the edge of the couch, feet on
the floor and legs apart. "Clothes on or off?"
"Eh?" Neku goes. He hadn't thought ahead that far.
"Clothes on leaves a particular sense of debauchery; clothes off makes this
seem planned," Joshua explains. "I refuse to do this if you're wearing just a
shirt, though only trousers has a certain appeal."
That … almost makes sense. Sort of. "If I'm gonna be naked, do I need to take
my socks off? Your floor is cold."
Joshua takes a moment to consider this. "I suppose socks are acceptable," he
concedes, "if you absolutely must."
"… Are you gonna strip if I do?"
"No," Joshua says like it's obvious. "This outfit is too cute to deprive you
of." He twirls the skirt a bit, demonstrating. It is pretty cute. Not the kind
of frills Neku prefers, but definitely wearable.
"Clothes on, then," he decides. "I'm not gonna be naked while you're fully
clothed."
Joshua hums agreement and kneels between his legs before reaching up and
undoing Neku's zipper so he can pull out his … his dick; if Neku's really
honestly doing this with him, he should be able to think the words.
This is actually happening. That's kind of odd to think about, especially since
it's happening with Joshua. He'd've thought he'd have better taste.
Joshua eyes his cock like a dog that's finally found the bone and leans in.
"Cold!" Neku squawks. "Why is your mouth cold?!"
Joshua pulls back. "Is it?" he says blandly. "I must have forgot."
"How do you forget --"
"My body temperature is much higher now," he says airily. "Apologies for the
inconvenience."
"You did that on purpose, you rat bastard," Neku says, but he's cut off by
Joshua leaning in again and giving his shaft a long lick. He is much warmer
now, and looks as smug as he's ever seen him, but honestly? Neku feels he's
earned it. You go right ahead feeling smug about being able to do that, Joshua.
Neku is not gonna argue.
Joshua puts his mouth around the head and presses his tongue against the slit,
and once Neku is well and truly hard (it doesn't take that long; he is still a
teenager), he pulls back to inspect his handiwork. There's a small amount of
precome on his mouth, which he licks away once he sees Neku watching. Show off.
And then an image in his head: Joshua on the floor in his Lapin Angelique
finest (and that stuff is way too expensive for Neku to imagine risking like
this, but he guesses saving on the dry cleaning bill is nothing compared to
raising the dead), regal and poised like this is a tea ceremony; Neku looking
down on him with more unguarded awe than he's ever seen on his own face, not
even in a mirror. It might be what he looks like when he sees really good art;
his face feels kind of like that. An Imprint: Joshua not suggesting anything,
just trying to show Neku what he sees. The clothes do lend a certain appeal,
though Neku's not sure how he feels about the bunny hood.
Yeah, okay, he would look extremely silly in just a shirt. Joshua had a
definite point there. Socks are perfect and he's not sure what Joshua has
against them, but just a shirt would look asymmetrical in a bad way.
"Enjoy the view?" Joshua says, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Neku is
pretty sure they're past where they need 'suggestion'.
"Why don't you go back to doing something useful," he says without heat, and
Joshua does, one hand fondling Neku's balls and the other sneaking down Neku's
pants to his ass as he sticks his cock in his mouth.
It's a strange, wet heat, but not bad.
Only not bad? he hears in Joshua's voice. I'm insulted.
Wait, but …. Oh. "Telepathy again?"
Just the surface, Joshua promises. Makes it a little easier to see if I'm doing
it right, hm~?
"You really should have asked me first," Neku says, but he's not mad.
I announced myself immediately, he replies, miffed, and maybe there's a
downside to this state of affairs, because he punctuates that with the
suggestion of teeth. Maybe he should've been suspicious of Joshua's enthusiasm
after all.
Joshua's laughing at him, but as far as Neku's concerned, so long as he keeps
doing what he's doing, he can do that all day. Joshua's amusement actually
feels different, a pressure where there wasn't before, and Neku has to think to
keep himself from trying to move into it.
You are aware I don't need to breathe, correct? Joshua says, but still, Neku'd
rather start into the habit of showing concern for his partner.
To show what he thinks of that, Joshua swallows him down and squeezes his butt
in one smooth motion. I don't have a gag reflex, he says smugly. Okay, fine,
maybe he's right about some things!
"You're the -- weirdest asshole -- I've ever met," Neku manages. Nevermind:
mind-reading is great! Sure, telepathy, go right ahead, Mr Composer.
Brilliant, Joshua says like he's found a new trick. Sing something for me.
"That's kind of -- fuck -- that's kind of hard to do right now, Josh!" Why is
this happening to him.
Sing or I'll stop, and nevermind, Joshua is the worst. He regrets this. He
regrets this so much.
Joshua starts moving back and letting go, and goodbye to Neku's dignity,
because he gives in and tries belting out the first stanza to Def Märch's
latest single (wait, but there was something --), only he can't exactly
remember half the words right now and he keeps squeaking and --
-- it's a relief when he shudders and comes because that means he can shut up.
Joshua smirks and swallows it, then daintily lifts himself off the floor and
drapes one arm over Neku's shoulder.
"Oh my god," Neku says once he catches his breath. "I really, honestly hate
you." And now his clothes are all sweaty and Neku can't just magic them clean
again. Maybe that wasn't such a great idea.
"Did you have a good time?" Joshua sounds so incredibly proud of himself,
because of course he does.
Neku rubs at his head. "I … yeah. Yeah, I think so." But with any luck, this
will be the most embarrassing sex he has in his life, because wow might that be
hard to top. He regrets it. He's not sure what he regrets, but he regrets it. …
Everything, probably. Give him a list and he'll figure out what he doesn't
regret.
God, that was … he doesn't have words for what that was. That was … a thing.
That was a thing, and for whatever reason, that just happened, and Joshua's
probably going to want him to hold up his side of it once he feels willing to
move.
What the hell even was that. He laughs, because what else can he do? Sure,
okay, he gets what he thinks might be a technically-competent blowjob, only
it's from Joshua, so instead it's … whatever that was.
"Oh good," Joshua says, "because I'd hate for you to have addressed me by name
during unsatisfactory sex."
Wait, what? … Huh. Yeah. "Don't get used to it, asshole," he says, more relaxed
than is probably wise to be. "What was that even for?"
"You have a lovely singing voice," he says absently. "… But that was dreadful."
"Well, why don't we see how well you do while someone's trying to get you off."
"Challenge accepted," he replies immediately. Neku's not sure he'd actually
meant it, but -- yeah, actually, that could be pretty entertaining.
Huh. Maybe there was a point to that besides making him look bad. And since his
dignity's already dead and gone anyway, he might as well ask: "What's that
like, anyway? Swallowing, I mean."
"You mean you've never tasted it before?" Joshua says, astounded. It'd be
annoying, but, well. Gee.
"I -- of course I have, but that's different."
Joshua hums, pretending to think about it. "It's less objectionable than that
dessert you insisted on after every battle," he settles on, long suffering.
What. It takes him a minute to figure out what he's getting at, because that
sure had no relevance to anything. "… You mean ice cream?"
"Oh, is that what it's called?"
He cannot be serious. "You just went down on me and you're mad about ice
cream?"
"'Oh, Joshua, let's go to Sunshine!' 'Hey, Joshua, I got some ice cream,'" he
says, in some truly abysmal mockery of Neku's tone. "Every day, Neku. Has it
ever occurred to you that maybe humans aren't supposed to eat cow's milk?"
This is so not the time for this, which is probably exactly why Joshua's
bringing it up now. "You didn't have to eat it if you didn't want to," he
manages eventually.
"Oh, well, you were paying," he says, like it explains everything.
Neku wasn't expecting this to last, but he's so glad he's not actually dating
Joshua. "… if you're trying to get me to want to strangle you, it's working."
Joshua beams. "That is the goal here, isn't it?"
God. This is ridiculous. "So how do you want this done, anyway," he says more
casually than he feels: he might burst out laughing otherwise, and that's
probably not appropriate.
"I want you to kill me and I don't want to expect it," Joshua says quickly.
Maybe he finds this awkward, too. It'd be nice if the joke wasn't just on him.
But then what Joshua said actually registers. "What -- are you sure?" And
that's a terrible question: no one could ask someone to do that, could they?
Even if for them death doesn't matter, that's … asking a lot from him.
"Yes," he says simply. He's watching the fish rather than Neku, face closed
off.
Expecting Neku to chicken out, now that he's got his, and Joshua's is staring
him in the face. And … maybe this isn't something he wants to do, but it's
something he can do, and even if Joshua is the biggest jerk he knows, he's
still his friend.
Neku takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. "Okay. Yeah, okay. Any ideas
how?"
Joshua lights up, more than anyone should when they're talking about murder. "I
was thinking either strangulation or cutting my throat with piano wire."
"I'm not doing the second one," he lays down. Joshua looks a little
disappointed, but not very. "Do I need anything to strangle you with?"
Joshua looks him over. "I suspect so; using your hands is more trouble than
it's worth. Either your belt or one of my ties would be preferable, for the
improvised weapon angle."
"And, what, do I just -- go for it, or did you have some time in mind?" It's
strange, how they're just discussing this like it's normal, but not bad. It
seems so much more manageable like this.
Joshua is quiet for a moment. Judging what he thinks he can get away with?
"Anal sex might be a bit much …."
Well. He had said this was a sex thing. He takes a minute to adjust to this,
then finally says, "Yeah, no, I am not killing you during that." God, the last
thing he needs is to end up fucking a corpse. Joshua might be dead, but he
isn't that dead.
What the hell is his life?
Joshua sighs, disappointed. "I thought not." He keeps thinking, then brightens.
"Perhaps you sitting on me without penetration?"
"Is that … much fun?" Neku has no idea.
"If it isn't, I'm sure we can find something else," he replies briskly. "Use
our imaginations, as it were."
That had the sound of a joke Neku doesn't get, but it is Joshua. "… Right.
Okay. Anything else I should know?"
Joshua hums. "I believe that covers it."
"Right," Neku says. "Can you get me one of your ties, then?"
Joshua beams and darts off. Neku sets his phone on the table, then pulls his
parka and shirt off and wiggles out of his pants while waiting for him to
return, hesitating at the idea of removing his boxers. They're a bit sticky,
but maybe he should wait for Joshua to get back first. His socks are going to
stay on, though, no matter what Joshua thinks: this room is still cold.
Joshua returns while Neku's still trying to figure out where to set his clothes
down, pausing to grab something out from behind the counter of the bar, a few
towels held with his elbow and Natural Puppy ties in his hand. "No show?" he
whines, disappointed.
"Nah," says Neku. "What should I do with these?"
"Leave them on the floor," he instructs. "I'll take care of them in a minute."
Neku drops his clothes, watching as Joshua sets one of the towels on the couch
and the rest on the table. He also puts the bottle down: ah, lubrication. That
makes sense.
Joshua stops while still facing away from Neku, and turns his head to look at
him. "Can you unlace this for me?" he says, pointing at the back of the dress.
"How did you get it on in the first place?" Neku has to ask, loosening it so
Joshua can slide it off and onto a hanger, which he puts above the bar.
"Oh, you know," he says vaguely. Composer powers again, probably. He removes
his bodice and petticoats, too, setting those on the table, but stops short of
taking off his black stockings and lavender lace panties. They're soaked
through, and Neku can see the outline of his cock through them. Guess Joshua
enjoyed going down on him, too. Neku feels slightly guilty at having made him
wait, but Joshua could've mentioned or taken care of it himself, if he'd felt
like it. So he doesn't feel that bad.
Joshua smirks when he catches him looking. "Like what you see?"
"Actually, yeah," he says, a little surprised. He'd known Joshua was pretty and
had good taste in clothes, but he hadn't really thought about it. "You're
beautiful."
"I know," Joshua purrs. Neku's eyebrow twitches.
"So, uh," he trails off awkwardly.
"These are so cute," Joshua says woefully, index fingers in the band of his
panties, "but I suppose I'll have to remove them. Boxers off, Neku."
Neku nods too quickly, nervous, and pulls them off, leaving them by his feet,
while Joshua artfully slides off his panties. Neku suspects he must've
practiced this in a mirror. He probably has.
Joshua takes stock of their clothes, then whistles, some barely-audible tune
that goes right through Neku's bones. He blinks reflexively, and when his eyes
open again, they're clean and neatly folded on the far side of the table.
Convenient.
Joshua sits down on the couch towel, legs spread apart, grinning his wolf grin
and basking in … everything, probably. Like he's the luckiest guy in the world,
or like the world exists and it's lucky to have him in it; for Joshua, there's
probably no difference.
He squirts out some lube and puts some of it on his cock. "Here, Neku," he
says, patting to his side with the clean hand.
Neku looks down on him. "So … you don't like socks, but stockings are okay."
"These are sexy," he explains. "Your plain white socks are not sexy."
"They're warm, though," and that is really the important thing here.
But he might as well get a move on. Neku picks up the waffle-print necktie off
the table and kneels one leg down on the couch, then the other, so that he's
sitting on Joshua's thighs and looking down on his face.
Joshua's so big in personality and in scale, it's hard to remember sometimes
that he's actually a bit shorter and slighter than him, and Neku isn't exactly
a big guy himself. Joshua meets his gaze, smile slipping a little.
"You might, ah," he murmurs, "wish to put the tie on ahead of time."
Neku nods shakily, looping it around Joshua's neck a full time and ties it a
bit like he would his shoelaces, though he doesn't get as far as the bunny
ears. He considers the image and giggles helplessly; Joshua left there for him
with a bow. Joshua tilts his head slightly and smirks.
"Hey, mention when you're reading my mind," Neku chides.
"It's not intentional, I assure you," he says, apologetic. "It takes a good
deal of concentration to shut you out entirely; you're very loud."
"And you're a brat," he says without heat.
"Ah, but would a brat do this?" Joshua says, wiping some of the lube along
Neku's buttcrack.
Augh! "Cold hands!" Neku squeaks. "Stop doing that!"
Joshua preens. "I don't know what you're talking about," he says, like the
lying liar he is.
"The body temperature thing!" Neku accuses. "You might be dead, but you don't
have to remind me!"
"A good partner would accept me for who I am," he says primly. "Besides, some
of it was the lube."
"Some," he repeats.
Archly: "I have to keep you on your toes somehow." And no, he really doesn't,
but there's no sense arguing with him: arguing with Joshua is an exercise in
futility.
"Can we just -- get on with this?" he says, and Joshua's eyes gleam as he pulls
forward a little and thrusts up, dick brushing up against the underside of his
balls.
It's both jarring and better than Neku expected, nice enough he nearly forgets:
"Hey, you promised to sing for me."
"Must I?" And before Neku can complain, he elaborates: "Would it suffice if I'm
merely careful to keep talking, and perhaps only grace you with my dulcet tones
closer to orgasm?"
Neku thinks about this. "Yeah, okay." And to save his own dignity: "And you can
read my mind, but you have to reply verbally."
"Oho! Changing the goalposts, are we?" Like he didn't himself. "I accept."
Joshua starts in on some anecdote about the former Conductor as he rocks
forward, cock rubbing along Neku's ass, something about how he'd lost his old
headphones in a reaper party to one of the wall reapers, who'd pawned them to
help buy a new laptop. Neku's not sure why he'd picked this story, and it's
definitely not sexy, but Joshua's breath hitches with each thrust and he can't
keep a consistent speaking pace. Joshua's movement keeps teasing at him and he
wants some more friction, but he'd rather take his hands and explore near
Joshua's shoulder blades.
A little help here? he thinks deliberately, and maybe Joshua would have heard
anyway, would have heard his most inconsequential thought in the middle of
Scramble Crossing, but it can't hurt. He feels what he assumes must be Joshua
brushing against his mind, light and with enough natural reason to be there
that he's only detectable when he backs off, his awareness of the city
quieting.
"Aye, aye, captain," Joshua says, moving his hands down so that one is on
Neku's cock and the other caressing the inside of his knee, before returning to
the story, Higashizawa having torn through the support ranks looking for
someone willing to explain how to find recipes online in an attempt to find the
thief, Joshua diverging into listing off everything he remembers Higashizawa
having baked on his forwarded request.
Neku should get to it, grab the ends of the tie and pull, but Joshua's almost
lazily butting up against his anus and it's comfortable. Slow and easy, not
like the whiplash urgency of Joshua's power trip masquerading as a surprisingly
satisfactory blowjob.
And then Neku's phone goes off and he nearly falls off the couch in his
scramble to reach it. Probably Shiki or Beat; had he forgotten to check in? He
flips it open and ….
It's a text from Joshua. He opens it, already knowing he's going to regret it,
and …. So what are you wearing today, dear? (￣▽￣)ノ
He closes it, resettling himself over the culprit, even though he's half-
tempted to just leave. "You know," he says conversationally, "if I killed you
for real, I'm sure I could convince Mr H that you deserved it."
"So forward, Neku." He wiggles his fingers, eyes glittering.
"How did you even type that?"
In answer, Joshua wags a finger and the ends of the tie flutter. "Telekinesis,
dear. Don't you remember anything?"
… Of course.
Joshua leans in and kisses his nose, resettling his hands to lightly touch his
cock and firmly grip his thigh. "You're cute when you're annoyed," he says,
like that's any kind of excuse, before returning to his story, Higashizawa's
intent going over new-recruit Yashiro's head in her haste to get a promotion.
It's not nearly the same as an apology, and Neku still doesn't believe Joshua
feels he did anything wrong, but maybe sharing reaper gossip where some of the
key participants are dead and never coming back is his way of showing he'd
cared. It doesn't make any of it okay. But he did care.
Neku sighs, and on a whim, leans down and lightly nips Joshua's ear. Joshua
lets out a soft "aah," and doesn't say anything for a moment. Neku opens his
mouth; he slowly licks the shell of Joshua's ear, bites down again, careful to
just keep it to the suggestion of pressure. Joshua hesitates again. "As I was
saying, Megumi -- Megumi …."
Did … did he lose his place? Incredible. Neku smirks evilly and whispers, "Now
you should try to sing."
"Perhaps that -- isn't the greatest idea," he says, face falling.
"Maybe I won't choke you," Neku says conversationally. "Maybe I'll just wait
'til some other time we do this, or even later, so you really won't know when
to expect it."
"Neku, you're very cruel," Joshua says, admiring. "If -- if you insist, then I
shall," and he starts crooning: I'm sorry I'm not honest / I can say it in my
dreams / My thoughts are about to short-circuit / I want to be with you right
now.
The tune's vaguely familiar, but Neku can't place it immediately. Probably from
some corny kids' show, knowing Joshua.
Neku pushes Joshua back a bit, so that he's leaning against the back of the
couch, scoots forward, and grinds down. Joshua doesn't squeak or sound like
he's forgetting words or anything; he just loses track of the beat as he pushes
back into Neku.
"… Is that … from Sailor Moon?" he realises. He hasn't watched it himself, but
….
Joshua smirks. Joshua may never stop smirking. "You didn't specify," he
explains.
This guy. "Go back to talking; that was funnier."
Joshua nods seriously. "Most museums use -- flesh-eating dermestid beetles to -
- clean skeletons," he says, like this is a completely normal conversation
topic. "They remove as much of the material by hand --"
This is probably the best chance he's going to get. Neku swiftly grabs the ends
of the tie and tugs, as hard as he can; Joshua coughs and his shoulders pull
in, but he doesn't stop talking. "-- and they let nature do its work. -- Neku,
wait."
Neku lets go and leans back immediately. He knew Joshua wouldn't actually --
"Neku, it's caught a bit around my spine," he says. "Let me fix it -- here,
grab here and pull away, not down." He takes Neku's hands and corrects them,
though Neku loosens it as soon as he lets go. "You see …?"
Neku forces himself to nod; he did feel the difference. He can do this; Joshua
looks so hopeful. He can do this and it'll all be okay.
Joshua watches him, a bit sad, until Neku nods again, meaning it this time. "I
trust you," Joshua states, and it's as much like he's trying to convince
himself as Neku.
Joshua starts moving again, gripping Neku's cock more firmly and rubbing his
thumb over the tip. It's not going to take much, second time today be damned,
and Neku pulls.
Away, rather than down, though still not completely blocking the artery, and
Joshua's eyes are watering as he urgently pushes against Neku. "Keep going," he
pleads, and Neku is so close, Joshua pulling him down just as he presses up,
and Joshua shudders and stays up.
He forgot the fluid, Neku realizes blearily, just as Joshua wallops him with an
Imprint and Neku splatters on his chest.
Keep going, Joshua says in his head, breathing hard.
"Okay," Neku says, though his arms are so tired, and Neku yanks and holds it as
Joshua pales and slumps down.
That's probably enough, Neku thinks, but Do it, Joshua pleads.
Neku needs to let go of the tie, knows he should let go, but …. I'm nearly
there, Joshua Imprints. Please.
And this is so fucked up, and he really honestly should let go, ignore what
Joshua wants and let go, because there's no way Joshua wants what he thinks he
wants and Neku should not be able to do this, should not be able to hold on
tight and listen to Joshua's shallow breathing shudder and stop without doing
anything, without even really having any ill will towards Joshua, even if he
might not ever be able to forgive him.
This is so fucked up, and he realises after a moment that Joshua's gone still,
too still to be anyone alive.
Holy shit. He's just killed him. Holy shit.
And just as he's starting to wonder if they'd lied, or he'd done it wrong, that
Joshua is well and truly dead and Neku is the new Composer, Joshua blurs around
the edges and collapses onto Neku like a dying man.
Which he was, just a minute ago. Neku feels something soft against his back and
reaches out with his hands, trying not to dislodge Joshua, who's clinging to
him like a life raft.
Wings.
Joshua has feathered wings.
… he's not sure why he's surprised by the wings, since all the reapers had
some, and Minamimoto had six, but it's still a shock. White and iridescent,
rather than reaper black, and it's interesting.
"Neku," murmurs Joshua, voice hoarse, and Neku belatedly lets go of the tie.
"Neku," he says again. "Thank you."
"… uh …." What do you even say to that? "… Anytime?"
Joshua chuckles, and he sounds happier than Neku has ever heard him. This is so
fucked up.
He starts working the tie loose from around his neck, since Joshua doesn't seem
like he wants to let go anytime soon. And if Joshua wants to get touchy-feely
with people who literally just killed him, well. That's only the second most
disturbing thing he's seen all day.
(He'd held on. He'd held on and someone died, and maybe that was the plan and
it wasn't permanent or anything, but that's a terrifying thing to find yourself
capable of doing. He's not sure what to do with this information. What can you
do with it?)
Joshua makes a sound, kind of a happy growl, and leans in to Neku. Neku isn't
wearing nearly enough clothes to have this little personal space. "Neku," he
says again, and if Neku broke him somehow, Mr H is gonna kill him.
"… Are you okay?" Neku checks.
He hums. "… yes?" he settles on. "I simply -- may need a minute." He might need
more than that; if it were anyone else, Neku'd say he's being nuzzled.
This is so weird. "Can I … get you anything?" he tries.
Joshua lifts his head up from where he'd been trying to burrow into Neku's
neck, and looks him straight in the eye. "Pet me," he says, completely earnest.
Who is this, and what happened to Joshua? "Your wings?" he says, baffled.
"And my hair," he confirms. "Pet me, Neku. Remind me what I'm doing here in the
Realground. Remind me why I picked you for this."
"Joshua, I don't know why you picked me for this," Neku admits. Joshua huffs a
laugh. "Okay, but if you want me to do this, we're gonna have to move."
Joshua whines a little as Neku extracts himself from his lap, and his
disappointment when Neku wraps a towel around his waist is palpable, but he
waits for Neku to sit back down before flopping himself onto Neku's lap. His
wings flutter as he does so, though, and Neku's hit in the face for his
trouble.
"Be careful with those!" he snaps, and Joshua has the audacity to give him
puppy eyes. He does hold them still, though, partly outstretched so Neku can
reach them all.
Joshua's wings might only be around the same size as Lollipop's, but Neku is so
lucky that they're feathered rather than pointy. The reapers could put an eye
out with those things. Joshua's are merely annoying, and if Neku ends up with a
black eye in the morning, it is completely and utterly Josh's fault.
Neku doesn't go straight for the wings, though, instead entangling one hand in
Joshua's hair and the other in the patch of feathers between his wings, on his
shoulder blades. Joshua makes that pleased growl again, leaning his head into
his hand and fluffing up his feathers so Neku can scratch between them and make
sure they're more or less in order.
Hnnn. "What do I do about any feathers that seem a bit loose?"
"Hm?" Joshua extends one wing, though thankfully it's the one further from
Neku. "Tug on them to see if they come out, I suppose."
Neku makes sure his arm'd keep Joshua from hitting him in the face again and
tugs. It doesn't budge, though Joshua does flap reflexively, but maybe if he
concentrates on what he's doing …. It comes right out when he tries again -
- must be a willpower thing -- and Joshua sighs.
"Set any you remove aside," he instructs. "I'll need to inspect them … later."
"Yeah, sure," he says absently as he picks through, Joshua going limp and
boneless whenever he finds an itchy spot. He pulls out three more before he
pays attention to his bad feeling and mentions, "One of your coverts is
orange."
Joshua stiffens. "That would be Noise," he says. "Show me."
Neku takes his hand and leads it to the offending feather. Joshua's whole body
tenses when he finds it, but he just calmly yanks it and incinerates it.
"Any others?"
"Nope," Neku says, strangely proud. "Think we got 'em all."
Joshua fluffs back up and relaxes again. Neku gives him a once over: yeah,
looks like everything is lying flat where it should be. Now Neku just should
probably get him to move, and that might be easier said than done.
Neku tries lifting one leg as a hint and Joshua raises an eyebrow at him. Time
to get up, Neku thinks, and Joshua deigns to sit up and tuck his wings away. A
bit of a pity: Joshua looks both sillier and more dignified with them, while
now he's just another scrawny teenager with a pretty face and artfully tousled
hair. And not nearly enough clothes on, Neku amends, giving Joshua's lower body
a significant look.
"Well," Joshua says, casual as ever, like none of this ever happened, "you
should probably inform your friends that you remain in the land of the living."
Neku smirks. "Yeah, probably," he says, unsurprised Joshua knew about that.
Neku trusts Joshua, but he trusts him never to be other than he is. It's only
sensible.
"Shall we … do this again sometime?" he asks, the slightest bit pink again.
Neku thinks about it. It was weird, and Joshua's an asshole, but … yeah, he had
a good time. "Sure," he says, "just … stay in touch," and he goes to see about
another shower.
End Notes
     A humongous thanks to Keltena, Quicksilver_Ink, and Kim for their
     constant encouragement, without whom this fic would not be the same
     (if it even existed), and also to Clover, Walker, Henry, and Zhorken
     for helping when I was stuck. (Yes, you totally helped.)
     Also, hat tip to vamoosi for helping me with the porn, and Rachel for
     copy-editing!
     All of you are so great ♥
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!