Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3361190.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Adam_Milligan, Castiel/Sam_Winchester
  Character:
      Castiel, Sam_Winchester, Adam_Milligan, Bobby_Singer, Chuck_Shurley,
      Gabriel_(Supernatural), Dean_Winchester
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Runner_Castiel, Football_|_Soccer,
      Unrequited_Love, Unresolved_Romantic_Tension, Love_Triangles, Jealousy,
      Sexual_Tension, Angst, Bisexual_Sam, Bathing/Washing, Awkward_Flirting,
      Implied/Referenced_Underage_Drinking, This_Is_STUPID, Castiel_is_poor,
      Explicit_Sexual_Content, Hand_Jobs, Implied/Referenced_Alcohol_Abuse/
      Alcoholism, Guilt, Teen_Angst, Coming_Out, Friendship/Love
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-02-17 Updated: 2016-12-20 Chapters: 5/? Words: 13768
****** Bluest Light ******
by A_M_Kelley
Summary
     Castiel has a crush on Sam, who is the junior captain of the soccer
     team, and the feeling seems to be mutual. Which is a shame since Adam
     has a thing for Castiel as well.
Notes
     Title taken from Blue Light by Bloc Party.
     Castiel and Adam are both 16 while Sam is 17. Also, this is mainly a
     Cas/Adam story. The Cas/Sam is a side pairing created for dramatic
     effect.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Castiel was out of breath and his blood pounded in his ears at the same tempo
of his heart as he came down from his running high. He had been running laps
with his best friend Adam for almost two hours now in preparation for the meet
on Sunday. If it wasn't for Adam, Castiel probably would have gave up on
running thirty minutes ago and gone home by now, but Adam had a penchant for
encouraging Castiel to push himself.
Don't get Castiel wrong, he loves running, in fact that's why he tried out for
the track team in the first place. But being the fastest runner on the team
meant that there was a lot of responsibility resting on his shoulders which, in
turn, meant he had to be in top physical condition constantly. And that's where
Adam came in.
Adam essentially served as his own personal coach by urging him to keep going
even when it felt like his legs would fall off. Castiel really couldn't have
asked for a better friend than Adam. Castiel often praised Adam by letting him
know that he wouldn't be the star of the track team if it wasn't for him. Adam
usually denies this with a soft blush, claiming that Castiel could've done it
all on his own if he'd just remember to set his alarm in the morning.
Adam was also on the track team, but he was nowhere near as glorified as
Castiel even if he was just as fast, if not faster. Adam could have easily
surpassed Cas on the track but he liked the idea of seeing Cas in the spotlight
for once. It wasn't news to Adam that Castiel got a lot of razzing from the
other kids since he was the residential poor kid and his father Gabriel was an
alcoholic.
He should know since his brother Dean was one of the seniors that teased
Castiel on a daily basis despite the numerous times Adam and Sam has chastised
him for doing so. He hated seeing Cas being the butt of all of Dean's jokes and
Adam thought that maybe if Castiel was notable for something other than
academics, he would be appreciated more. Adam didn't give Castiel an ego boost
out of pity, however.
He mostly did it because he was in love with the brunette and rejoiced in
seeing him at his best. The smile on Castiel could literally light up the night
sky and shine just as bright as his eyes. Adam doesn't know exactly when he had
fallen for Cas, all he knew is that he fell hard and he wouldn't be getting
back up any time soon.
Even now as Adam gasps for air he watches as Castiel hunches over and pants
excessively. Adam can count each bead of sweat that slides down Castiel's
flushed cheeks and fantasizes how he would lick each individual one up. Adam
lays a hand on Castiel's shoulder and pats it tenderly as if to urge him to
stand upright again. Castiel only looks up from under his lashes in a way that
almost begs for Adam to screw him right here on the track.
"We've been out here for a while now," Adam points out in a rough voice thick
from panting. "What do you say we call it a day?"
"I think that would be agreeable," Castiel concurs, wrenching a relieved sigh
from his raw throat.
"Your time was pretty good today, by the way," Adam praises when Cas finally
straightens out again, stretching his arms and rolling his shoulders a few
times. "I think it might be your best yet."
"Just because it was my personal best so far doesn't mean it's the best for the
meet on Sunday," Cas huffs in a defeated tone, belittling his abilities once
again. "There's a lot more people who are faster than me. I'm lucky enough just
to keep up."
It was a nasty habit of Cas', doubting himself, that formed out of years of
ridicule and Adam was afraid that Cas would always be pessimistic. Still, Adam
always tries his best in telling Castiel otherwise.
"It's not about being the fastest or the best, Castiel. You of all people
should be humble enough to realize that," Adam insists, giving Cas a
disapproving gaze. "Besides, they don't have half the spirit you do. No one
else tries as hard as you, Cas."
Castiel smirks fondly. "Except for you," Cas beams and it literally takes
Adam's breath away. "You could easily be in my position right now."
"Yeah, well, I guess I'll just have to settle for being second best," Adam
replies much to his self-inflicted humbleness.
Castiel lifts up the front of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face and
Adam has to bite his lip as he drinks in the sight of Cas' bared and heaving
abdomen. Adam has seen Castiel in every stage of undress before in the locker
room, but this was by far his favorite sight of Cas. His pale blue track shirt
drenched in sweat and his way too short track shorts clinging in all the right
places to accentuate his thighs and groin.
There wasn't a shower cold enough to keep Adam's skin from burning like
hellfire at the thought of those legs wrapped around his waist as he thrusts
his body against Cas'. A flush creeps across Adam's damp face and he tells Cas
it's just from their run and the brunette buys it, but Adam knows better.
Sweet, naive Cas for not knowing the difference between adrenaline and arousal.
Then again, Adam supposes, they are both one and the same.
He gets a thrill of adrenaline and arousal just seeing Cas expose his body so
nonchalantly. What makes it even worse, or better depending on how Adam looks
at it, is when Castiel openly showers himself in a spray of water from his
bottle over his head, soaking his already drenched track shirt. Adam would love
nothing more than to suck every single droplet of water off of Castiel's skin.
Adam realizes now that he would do absolutely anything and everything to Cas.
His view of Castiel's body is obscured by the shirt once more when Cas lets it
fall down over his body. Adam's eyes snap up towards Castiel's face to see that
his attention is elsewhere across the field. Adam follows his gaze to see who
Castiel is staring at and immediately slumps his shoulders in defeat when he
sees his brother Sam trotting around the field, scoring goal after goal in a
game of soccer.
He almost forgot about Castiel's infatuation with Sam and when it dawned on
Adam he started to feel that familiar overwhelming sense of envy again. Ever
since him and Cas were thirteen, Castiel has always had a crush on his brother
Sam whether he was willing to admit it or not. Now that Cas was a sophomore in
high school, that attraction only seemed to intensify, leaving Adam somewhat
bitter and unrequited in the wake of his older brother's shadow.
Then again, Adam figures it could have been much worse. Cas could have had a
crush on Dean... How awkward would that be?
Still, there's an undeniable tinge of heartache when he notices just how
dreamily Cas is staring at Sam, gazing in awe in such a way Adam will never
experience. Adam guesses it's nobodies fault but his own since he's had plenty
of opportunities to express how he feels. But while Adam was busy building up
Castiel's confidence and self-worth, he had forgotten about his own. Thus,
leaving him too insecure and afraid of rejection to pursue him.
"Can I ask you something, Adam?" Castiel inquires, drawing the blonde out of
his reverie.
"Sure," Adam responds quickly.
"Do you think Sam likes me? I mean, do you think he likes guys?" Cas ponders
out loud without taking his eyes off of the taller Winchester.
"How should I know?" Adam deflects indignantly, jealousy surging inside him.
"You're his brother, for one," Castiel reasons, throwing a look over his
shoulder at Adam.
"Doesn't mean he tells me everything," Adam rebuttals, shrugging nonchalantly
as he lies through his teeth.
He knows for a fact that Sam likes guys as well and has shown some interest in
Castiel before, but Sam mostly kept his distance because he knew Adam liked
Cas. Even as Adam denies this knowledge, the guilt eats up inside him at the
last second and he feels his resolve crumbling.
"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Adam challenges instead, hoping Cas will be
too nervous to muster up the courage to do so. "If you never try, you'll never
know."
Castiel seems to ponder this for a moment and just when Adam thinks he's going
to relent and say nevermind, Cas smiles brightly.
"You're right. I should go over there and talk to him right now," he agrees
much to Adam's chagrin. He pulls Adam into a tight embrace, pulling away
shortly thereafter with a studious expression. "You don't think that's weird do
you?"
"What? You asking my brother out?" Adam scoffs with sarcasm, placing a hand on
his hip. "It's beyond mortifying, to be honest. But..." He trails off when he
sees the guilty look upon Cas' face. "It's not my place to say what's best for
you romantically and I will respect your choice in partner... Even if it is a
sasquatch."
Castiel smirks and pushes against Adam's shoulder playfully, shaking his head
ruefully.
"Doesn't mean I have to like it..." Adam adds, muttering under his breath.
"Thank you so much for running with me today, Adam. And thanks for believing in
me," Castiel praises, looking up at the blonde bashfully. "You truly are a
great friend."
"Yeah..." Adam says belatedly with a wave of his hand long after Castiel has
started to jog off towards the soccer field. "Don't mention it..."
Adam has to fight the surge of jealousy bubbling up inside him at the thought
of Sam's giant hands all over Castiel when they could be his hands. Ugh, at
least it's not Dean, Adam mentally tells himself over and over, but it does
little to quell the envy he feels towards Sam. By all rights, Adam is a
Winchester too, but the hierarchy of the school seems to forget about that
sometimes.
What Adam means is that things are always being handed to Sam and Dean on
silver platters with little effort. While that has never really been a problem
for Adam in the past, this time it's really starting to get on his nerves and
it's partially his fault since he's the one letting Cas go without even
confessing his feelings. He still has a moment to catch up with Castiel and
tell him, but he doesn't.
Just lets him walk away before relenting and doing the same.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     So this chapter is kinda awkward and lame and starts to make less
     sense as it progresses, but... Oh, well! Next chapter though... Next
     chapter will be better.
     Hopefully...
Across the track, Castiel is making his way over to the soccer field where the
team is running drills. Cas doesn't even know if half of the team is scoring
shots against the goalie or not because he's too focused on the way Sam's hair
bounces around from trotting back and forth. He catches Sam's eye when he nears
the sidelines and the tallest Winchester gives him a dimpled smile.
Castiel felt weak in the knees by that smile alone and it seriously surprised
him when he didn't crumble to the ground right then and there. Castiel halted
to a stop when a few of the other boys ran past him, barking out things like
outta the way and get lost. He'd been too wrapped up in watching Sam to notice
he had stepped over the sideline.
Sam caught his gaze again and held up a finger as if to say give me a minute
and Cas nods his head diligently, taking a step back over the sideline so as
not to disturb any of the players again. Castiel lets his eyes drift across the
field casually, trying to be subtle, until his line of vision inevitably flicks
back over towards the object of his affection.
He doesn't know what it is about Sam that makes his stomach twist into knots.
It's true that Sam wasn't anything like his older brother Dean and maybe that
served as the vessel for Castiel's unrequited crush. Sam was a good guy and he
was friendly to anyone who was kind to him in return, making both girls and
boys alike swoon at his feet.
Castiel feels awkward and stupid as he waits patiently for Sam to finish up,
knowing full well that he was just getting his hopes up. Sam could have anyone
in the school, and not just because he was related to Dean, and he was still
only a junior. Sam didn't need the help of Dean's reputation to boost his
charisma because the kid could charm a freshman out of their underwear. Not
that he'd do that. Sam was a true gentleman if Cas ever saw one.
He's grown up around Sam long enough to know what kind of person the Winchester
is. He could say the same for Adam and Dean as well. It was blatantly obvious
that Sam was the angel and an all round perfect athlete as well as star pupil.
Even if Sam isn't interested in Cas, he knows the tall Winchester would let him
down easy.
But even with this knowledge, Castiel was suddenly hesitant at the thought of
talking to Sam. The last thing he needed was Dean finding out that he was gay
and had a crush on Sam, then Cas really would be at the bottom of the food
chain. Castiel thinks idly that maybe if he cuts his losses now it will spare
him the inevitable humiliation he's about to put himself through. Then again,
Cas is masochist.
He's still sweating profusely from his run and it takes Castiel a few swipes
with the back of his wrist to make himself remotely presentable for Sam. He
usually didn't care about his appearance, but this was for Sam after all. He
even tries to smoothe out his mussed hair the best he can but Cas is taken out
of his habitual musings when he hears the soccer coach blow his whistle loudly,
signaling the end of practice.
Coach Singer rounded up the boys for one final huddle, Does soccer even have
huddles? Castiel ponders bemusedly, and congratulates the whole team about
having good hustle. Coach Singer even goes out of his way to praise the golden
boy Sam Winchester while, in turn, chastising Chuck for not being all he can
be. Castiel can see the way Chuck hangs his head like he's let the team down,
but coach Singer assures that he just needs to work a little harder.
Castiel wishes he had a coach like Mr. Singer. Instead, he was left with Mr.
Turner, who wasn't such a mean man but just a little short tempered and overly
ambitious. He expected too much from his runners, like giving a hundred and ten
percent, which is why Cas thought so little about his abilities on the track.
He knew Mr. Turner meant well, but it wouldn't hurt him to be a bit less
demanding.
Still, it didn't compare to the senior's football coach. Cas really dodged a
bullet with coach Crowley.
Mr. Singer dismissed the team and the majority of them starts trotting off
towards the locker room to change and clean up. A shower doesn't sound too bad
right about now and maybe, if Castiel uses his puppy eyes just right, he might
be able to sneak in for one himself. A few juniors stay behind to ask the coach
a few questions.
Sam waves goodbye to some of his friends before turning towards Castiel
finally, flashing his dimpled smile like a charm. Castiel returns it with his
own, raising his hand in a brief sweaty-palmed greeting before his nerves can
get the better of him. Sam approaches him in long strides, wiping his face off
on his shirt, and promptly rests a hand on his hip.
"Hey, Cas. What are you up to?" Sam asks, out of breath. His hair is sticking
to his face but he makes move to fix it.
"I just finished up a run," he replies, gesturing towards the track with a
thumb. "Adam was helping me train for Sunday."
"Right. You have a meet this weekend," Sam recalls, wagging a finger at
Castiel. "Adam was telling me about it yesterday. Twisted my arm about showing
up as well. Speaking of which, where is Adam?"
"Oh, he left already," Cas says and Sam quirks his eyebrow. "Where's little
Deanna?"
A few weeks ago, in a drunken stupor, Adam had gushed about how Dean was named
after their grandmother and ever since then Castiel has been exploiting it to
his heart's content, making Sam shake his head ruefully.
"I still can't believe Adam told you about that," Sam says in reply rather than
answering Cas' question.
"Adam tells me everything when he's drunk," Castiel simply shrugs.
"Obviously not..." Sam mutters under his breath.
"What?" Castiel asks curiously.
"Nothing..." Sam dismisses with a wave of his hand.
If only Castiel knew how many secrets Adam kept from him, such as his ability
to run faster or the fact that he was in love with Cas. But Castiel didn't need
to know that. Not yet. Before this silence can stretch into awkward territory
Sam changes the subject.
"So, what brings you to my neck of the woods then? Not scoping out talent for
the track team, are you?" Sam jokes, squinting his eyes suspiciously.
"Why? Have you seen any?" Castiel rebuttals with a dumbfounded look as he
surveys the field incredulously.
This makes Sam bark out a good-natured laugh that sends Castiel's heart into a
thrumming mess. Christ, Sam was gorgeous when he smiled and laughed. He lets
himself enjoy the moment. Good, I've broken the ice a little, Cas thinks
proactively. I can do this.
"You're a sassy little thing, you know that?" Sam chuckles rhetorically,
looking Castiel up and down in wonder.
Sam finds it hard to believe why anyone would pick on someone like Cas. He was
soft spoken, punctual, and quite funny when given the chance, not to mention
very easy on the eyes. It's true that Sam has always had a guilty crush on
Castiel, especially now that Cas is maturing and getting some muscle on him
from running. His voice even deepened a little more during the summer.
"Maybe you should try out for soccer next year," Sam offers just then when the
tense atmosphere shifts around them. "You'd certainly leave everyone else in
the dust."
"Yeah, well, believe it or not I'm actually not that very coordinated with my
feet," Castiel admits, blushing much to his chagrin. "You, on the other hand,
should join the junior's track team. God knows they could use your speed and
stamina."
Especially with long legs like that, Castiel wants to add, but keeps the
comment to himself.
"You think?" Sam inquires, pondering it for a moment. He sighs with resignation
then, smirking slightly. "Thanks, but I don't see the point in running around
with nothing to keep my feet and mind busy... No offense."
"You clearly underestimate the fine art of track. And for that I do pity you,
Sam," Cas admonishes in faux hurt, coaxing Sam to smile once again.
"What? Like the fine art of running in a circle?" Sam mocks playfully and the
exchange is so smooth that it feels like they've been friends for years.
"Riiight... Because kicking a ball back and forth is so much fun," Castiel
shoots back with sarcasm, biting his lip,with a satisfied smirk on on his face.
"You just haven't found the right person to teach you yet," Sam says with a
wink.
"And I suppose you're the one to do it?" Castiel inquires.
"Well, I am the captain of the soccer team," Sam responds with a simple shrug.
"I'm sure I could arrange a private one on one, if you're up to it."
"Are you hitting on me, Sam Winchester?" Castiel inquires incredulously, though
not accusing.
"And if I am? What then?"
Castiel can't respond. Doesn't know how to.
Somehow, without even realizing it, Sam and Castiel have inched closer to each
other to the point where Castiel can feel the heat radiating off of Sam in
overwhelming waves. Sam's light blue soccer jersey clings to his body with his
sweat stains outlining the contours of his well-built abdomen. Castiel can't
fight the urge to tear his eyes away from Sam as he rakes his blue irises along
the length of him.
The jersey isn't sheer enough to see through, but Castiel notices that Sam's
nipples are hard from the slight breeze teasing his sweat slick skin. What Cas
wouldn't give to lick, suck, and bite them right now just to hear the noises
Sam might make. He knows his gaze lingers for too long when Sam clears his
throat to drag his attention back up to his face.
"It's getting pretty cold out here, isn't it?" Sam asks with a cocky lilt,
resisting the wide grin threatening to break out across his face. Castiel
breaks out in a blush at this, feeling vaguely ashamed. "How about we hit the
showers? You look like you could use a nice hot one right about now."
"I don't think I'm allowed," Castiel excuses, finding any reason to say no.
"I'm not on the soccer team."
"You're a student at this school. You're more than allowed into the locker room
just as much as the next guy," Sam reminds. Castiel fidgets slightly and Sam's
lips curl into a devious grin. "You're not bashful, are you?"
"If I say no you won't believe me and if I say yes you'll only tease me about
it. Either way there's no winning," Castiel deduces, surprising Sam with how
sharp he is.
After all, this isn't Castiel's first rodeo. He's been teased all his life.
Sam's cheeks burn with the shame that for a second he almost pulled a Dean and
made fun of Cas. Sam's shoulders slump in sympathy and his voice takes on a
softer tone.
"I would never do that to you," Sam vows with promise, making sure Castiel
knows he's serious. "Not all Winchesters are dicks, ya know. Adam is proof of
that."
"To be fair, Adam is your half-brother," Castiel quips, biting his lips to keep
from smiling.
Sam shoves at Castiel's shoulder playfully, laughing despite himself.
"You're a punk," Sam reprimands softly, but there's no animosity behind it.
"So, are you gonna shower with me or what?"
Yes, Castiel wants to say. I would like that very much, as a matter of fact.
It's only when Sam starts to guide him to the locker room by his wrist does he
realize he's said this out loud. The color drains from Castiel's otherwise fair
complexion as he lets himself follow Sam wordlessly. By the time they get to
the locker room most of the soccer team has cleared out, with the exception of
a few stranglers taking their time.
Castiel stares dumbfounded at Sam as the taller boy strips out of his soccer
uniform, starting with his shirt. Sam shucks it over his head and hangs it over
his opened locker door, shaking his hair freely as if to straighten it out.
And, Christ almighty, does he look absolutely flawless doing it. Like a model
really. Castiel gawks at Sam's exposed torso, drinking in the perfection he
always knew Sam possessed.
Sam looks at expectantly and Castiel gets this as a hint to start undressing as
well. Castiel plops down on the bench and starts with his shoes, after all he
wasn't precisely eager to bare himself in front of Sam. Especially not now.
He's not ashamed of his body or anything, Castiel's just afraid of certain body
parts betraying him for all to see. Which is why he opts to leave his briefs on
when he's finished undressing.
Castiel stands up, folding his track uniform neatly to nestle it in a small
corner of Sam's locker. Sam looks up at Castiel with a quirked brow as he's
taking off his cleats. He pauses in his motions to study the awkward sophomore
more thoroughly. When Castiel makes no move to rid himself of his underwear,
Sam presses the matter subtly.
"Do you always shower with your underwear on?" Sam implores, bemused.
"Perhaps," is all Castiel has to say to that.
"Look, you could've just told me you were bashful..." Sam starts to say.
"I'm not bashful. Just killing two birds with one stone," Castiel covers
lamely, knowing his excuse is asinine.
"What? So, you're washing your underwear in the shower?" Sam inquires with an
amused chuckle.
"You know my father isn't as financially endowed as yours, Sam. We can't always
afford the expenses of laundry," Castiel lectures, playing off his lie almost
flawlessly.
"You and I both know that Adam is the one who washes your clothes when Gabriel
can't afford it." Castiel spares him a guilty look. "Not that we mind," Sam
adds quickly. "I'm just saying you don't have to feel insecure around me, Cas."
Sam gives him this look as if he can see right through Castiel's lie and the
brunette almost feels bad for lying to someone as sweet as and selfless as Sam.
He deserves better than that.
"Thank you, Sam, but if it's all the same to you I'm much more comfortable like
this," Castiel admits in a defeated tone. Voice small, barely above a whisper.
"Okay," Sam says, nodding twice before dropping the subject.
Sam straightens up just then and proceeds to pull down his shorts, giving
Castiel a better view of his long limbs. Sam's soccer shorts were slightly
longer than Castiel's track shorts and revealed a lot less than desired, so
this was also a new sight for him. If only this could have prepared him for the
next big reveal.
Before Castiel can even process just how muscled and powerful looking Sam's
legs are, his underwear was coming off without a moment's notice. Castiel
catches a glimpse of Sam's bared groin before he looks away out of shame, but
it's enough. He feels like if he stares for too long that he'll offend Sam's
sensibilities. Not that there was anything Sam needed to be remotely
embarrassed about. He was definitely in proportion with the rest of his
gigantic form.
Awkwardly, Castiel hurries past Sam to get to the showers first so he doesn't
get the much sought after sight of Sam's ass. Castiel latches the shower stall
door behind him and turns on the shower head to find the water already heated
from a previous use. Sam sidles into the stall next to Cas' and does the same.
He squeezes a handful of shampoo into one big palm before offering the bottle
to Castiel.
The brunette accepts it without protest and they both proceed to run their
sweat drenched head underneath the spray so they can lather up their hair.
Castiel closes his eyes, so as not to get shampoo in them, and massages the
suds into his scalp. The spray of the hot water beaming down on him mixed with
the ministrations of his own fingers feels relaxing enough to make him forget
where he was for a second.
He can feel all of the weary aches from his run dissolving away instantly and
tips his head back. He can feel eyes on him, but Castiel is too afraid to peek
and see to confirm this. Castiel is half expecting Sam to say something, like a
witty comment to break the tension in the air, but it never comes. Instead,
they enjoy their respective showers in silence.
Castiel eventually loses himself and lets out a soft moan of delight, relishing
in the feel of actual hot water a little too much. He only had cold water at
home, so he let himself get carried away for a moment before he realized Sam
was standing right next to him. Luckily for Castiel, Sam hadn't heard him from
under the cascade of the shower head.
This goes on for a few minutes more simply because Castiel can't get enough of
it. After Castiel rinses out his hair he starts to rub a generous supply of
soap all over his body, imagining that it was Sam caressing him with those big
hands of his. Castiel's just glad he can't see Sam's body in all of it's nude
glory right now or else he'd be in real trouble. So Castiel promptly keeps his
eyes closed throughout the whole shower to avoid this and blatantly ignores his
erection straining against his sodden underwear.
Content in the knowledge that this barrier was keeping Castiel from humiliating
himself in front of his crush.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Crappy update from a crappy author that abandoned this fic for a
     whole year because she lost the interest to finish this but is now
     trying her best... Also, refers to herself in the third person
     apparently...
     I'm sorry.
"You okay, man?" Sam inquires casually, sparing a look over at Castiel as he
suds up his generous locks of hair. "You look a little tense."
"Uh, yeah," Cas replies numbly, glad that the pink tint high on his cheekbones
can easily be associated with the warm water. "I was just thinking about the
meet on Sunday. That's all."
It's an obvious lie, but Castiel says it so smoothly that Sam is none the
wiser. Sam nods in acknowledgment, helping to spread around the shampoo even
more. Castiel discourages himself from sparing a quick glance at Sam for fear
he might be caught staring. The last thing he needs is attention being drawn to
him, especially when his thighs shift to accommodate the stiffness between
them.
"You're going to win," Sam tells him as if he can predict the future. Castiel
does glance over at Sam this time to see him smiling warmly down at him.
"You really think so?" Castiel gushes, letting himself revel in the sure
sincerity in Sam's voice.
"Definitely," Sam says without hesitation.
A warm feeling washes over Castiel and he tries to convince himself that it's
because of the warm water spouting from the shower head, but he knows it's
because of Sam. Why Sam has remained single all through high school is a
mystery to Castiel. This thought crosses his mind fleetingly as Sam whips his
hair around to rinse it out, flinging droplets of soapy water at Cas in the
process.
Shortly soon after, Sam declares that he's finished and steps out of the shower
stall to towel off. Castiel has been finished for quite sometime, himself, but
for some reason certain parts of his body won't calm down enough to obey his
wishes of wanting to get out and get dressed again. If Sam notices Cas taking
longer than necessary, he doesn't comment on it.
Castiel spares a look over his shoulder to see that Sam has his back turned
towards him, giving him the perfect view of the Winchester's bare ass as well
as the expanse of his back. Castiel's cheeks burn and he quickly turns back
around towards the spray of the shower head. It's not as if he's afraid of
getting caught staring, because he is, but more so of the fact that he feels a
little guilty for staring in the first place.
Cas can't help it if Sam is gorgeous and he can’t help it if Sam is being an
exhibitionist either. That was the thing about the Winchester boys. Castiel has
come to realize that both Sam and Dean (but mostly Dean) are show-offs, but Sam
is a little more subtle about it. He makes his presence known, but not
excessively so like Dean. Sam was more humble, whereas Dean was more
pretentious and smug about his position at the top of the food chain.
And Adam was… well… Adam.
That was another thing as well. Castiel noticed that Adam was much more
reserved about his popularity, almost to the point where he was kind of an
outsider that moved freely amongst the different cliques. Like an ambassador
that passed along messages between the tribes of high school. But that’s
probably because Adam had a different mom and he didn’t use the glorified
surname of Winchester. Castiel muses for a moment that Adam would make a good
class president. He certainly had the makings of a great leader.
“You almost done in there?” Sam calls out from behind his locker without
sparing to glance over at Cas.
To be honest, Castiel hadn’t been doing too much washing so he had technically
been done for a little while now, but he really didn’t want Sam to see him with
an erection straining against his soggy underwear right now. Talk about
mortifying… He didn’t need people finding out and razzing him about it. He
knows Sam isn’t one to spread gossip or rumors, but stuff still manages to make
it’s way around school. He isn’t about to risk the off chance of Sam getting
drunk one night and blabbing to Dean about it or someone walking in at the
wrong moment.
“Um, yeah. Could you possibly hand me my towel?” Castiel replies shakily,
keeping his back to Sam’s general direction as he shuts off the water.
He doesn’t dare to move a muscle when he hears Sam close his locker and rustle
around behind him. Cas holds his breath and tries to concentrate on the
dwindling stream trickling against his chest as he hears the wet smack of feet
approaching him slowly. It’s not a moment later when he feels Sam curl a hand
over his shoulder, gripping it almost tenderly. Castiel’s breath hitches
slightly and he thinks for a brief moment that Sam might do something, but he
doesn’t.
“Here you go,” Sam says, draping the towel over Cas’ other shoulder before
letting go of him altogether.
He can hear Sam retreat and lets go of the breath he had been holding, exhaling
slowly in hopes that his heart will stop pounding erratically within his chest.
It also doesn’t help his situation downstairs any as his erection throbs at the
tingling sensation Sam’s big hand left behind. . Castiel wraps the towel around
him and proceeds to dry himself off as quickly as possible before stepping out
of the shower stall.
When he emerges he sees that Sam is only in his underwear still despite having
got out minutes ago and Cas has to wonder why he’s taking his precious time.
Maybe Sam really was an exhibitionist and wanted Cas to notice him. Can Castiel
really blame him though? The man is definitely gorgeous enough to get away with
it. Castiel secures the towel around his waist and pads over to his pile of
clothes lying on the bench next to Sam.
Sam looks up at Cas as the sophomore sits down next to him on the bench. He
notices that Castiel doesn’t sit on the same side as him and makes it a point
to pile his dirty track outfit on his lap hastily. Sam furrows his eyebrows
inquisitively and takes note of the blush high on Castiel’s cheeks. He thinks
for a moment that maybe he’s still flushed from the heat of the shower, but
this isn’t the case. Sam can tell Cas is flustered about something else.
“I know I already asked, but are you alright, Cas? You seem distracted,” Sam
reiterates, trying to study Cas from the side.
“I promise I’m fine, Sam,” Cas chuckles nervously, face burning when Sam
continues to stare and breathe down his neck. The attention made him fidget
more.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re cute?” Sam endeavors, changing the
subject to test the waters, so to speak.
“No, not really,” Castiel gushes, blushing harder despite his best efforts. “I
don’t usually tend to be a popular topic of discussion amongst the hierarchy.”
“Well, you are. Cute, I mean. Beautiful even,” Sam tells him in earnest,
sliding down the bench to get closer to Castiel. “Dark hair, pouty lips, big
blue eyes…”
Sam reaches out to smooth a hand through Castiel’s damp hair, stroking his
scalp tenderly with his big hand. Castiel’s cheeks burn and his already stiff
cock gives an interested twitch of arousal. His blush deepens, but it’s mostly
out of embarrassment than shame. This is the moment Cas has been waiting for
ever since he discovered boys and now that it’s happening, he can’t bring
himself to follow through on his instincts.
“I’m really not that special,” Castiel assures, trying to be as humble as
possible.
“You are,” Sam states, shifting slightly to throw a leg over the other side of
the bench as if he were straddling it like a saddle. “You’re the bluest light
in the middle of an ocean.”
With that, Sam cups the back of Castiel’s neck and gently pulls him in for a
soft kiss that leaves the sophomore breathless beyond words. Castiel can’t say
he didn’t see it coming because all the signs lead them up until this point. He
didn’t know why it was happening, since Sam could have virtually have anyone at
the school, but maybe that was point of all this. Out of all the people, Sam
chose to kiss Castiel because he could, because wanted to, and that was the
greatest feeling in the world. Almost as great as Sam’s lips against his.
Castiel clutches at the pile of clothes laying on his lap, letting Sam control
the kiss since he was too self conscious to be assertive. This isn’t a problem
since Sam guides him through it with little pecks here and there, placing much
longer kisses as Cas lets himself relax more. Sam takes this opportunity to
discard the track uniform Castiel couldn’t seem to let go of and tosses it to
the tiled floor. Cas lets his hands fall to his sides to clutch at the edge of
the bench instead, silently permitting Sam to go even further if he wishes to.
Sam takes the hint and proceeds to undo the makeshift knot at the front of
Castiel’s towel and pulls it from his waist to expose the damp underwear that
clings to Cas in revealing ways. More revealing than the fact that he has a
hard on the size of the Eiffel Tower. Sam doesn’t go after his erection
immediately, as he’s more focused on taking his time with Cas by rubbing and
stroking his wide hands over the expanse of Cas’ chest and shoulders.
The feeling of having Sam pet him, as it were, was enough to make Cas moan
softly into the taller man’s parting lips. Castiel gasps, breaking the kiss
momentarily, as Sam runs his fingertips over Cas’ nipples teasingly. Sam is
surprisingly gentle with him despite his hands being significantly bigger than
his own whenever he would touch and tease himself like this.
Sam tweaks and pinches his nipples tenderly, not too much on the side of
painful, but enough to make him whimper occasionally. Sam uses this technique
to slip his tongue inside of Castiel’s mouth, kissing him more deeply and
swallowing all the noises he makes in response. Cas arches his chest out
towards Sam, trying to get even closer to the contact.
Castiel twists around so that he’s facing Sam in the same way. Castiel reaches
out nervously and places his hands on Sam’s muscular legs, running them up the
expanse of his thighs before stopping short of his groin. Sam cups Cas’ face in
his hands, taking a moment to kiss him deeply before letting his hands fall
down into the shorter man’s damp lap. He feels Cas shiver despite the fact that
his body is on fire, especially in between his legs.
There’s a brief moment where Sam is just kissing him, letting his hand hover
over his erection, before he gently grinds the heel of his palm against the
feverish hard on. Castiel’s skin is so overheated that the water could have
evaporated off of his body alone. Sam’s fingers wrap around Cas’ clothed cock
and gives it a gentle squeeze, making Cas moan softly. It’s the most beautiful
noise Sam’s ever heard and it almost makes him feel guilty for hearing it.
He feels guilty just being allowed to touch someone as beautiful as Castiel,
especially when he knew damn well Adam had a crush on him first. Adam had
confided in Sam about the crush he had on his best friend, trusted him to keep
his distance. But all of that is thrown out the window the second Cas wraps a
tentative hand around Sam’s own growing erection and gives it an experimental
tug. Castiel has never done anything with anyone before and, even though it
should be second nature by now, it feels foreign somehow. Different, but
undoubtedly amazing.
First of all, Sam’s cock is much bigger than his own because he’s so tall and
everything is portioned as such and second, it feels a whole lot more different
when someone else touches you. Sam’s hands aren’t rough, they’re a lot less
smoother than Cas’, but the friction feels good against the front of his
underwear.
Surprisingly, Castiel is the first to be so bold as to pull the elastic band of
Sam’s underwear down far enough to free his rock hard erection. Sam fumbles
slightly to catch up, making Cas smile to himself at how nervous someone like
Sam is capable of being. He breaks the kiss long enough to spare a look down at
Sam’s sizeable cock and bites his lip unconsciously.
“I hope the size doesn’t scare you,” Sam apologizes, blushing a little because
he’s embarrassed by the way Castiel gawks at it.
“It’s not that, I’ve just never seen one in person before. Let alone touched
one,” Cas adds, flustered by the admission.
“You’re a virgin?” Sam asks, somewhat surprised.
“Yeah…” Castiel admits, hanging his head.
“That’s hot,” Sam remarks, going in for a kiss that was more rough than what
Cas had been used to.
Sam starts to stroke Castiel’s cock in a steady rhythm and urges Cas to do the
same by wrapping a helping hand around the hand Cas already has on Sam’s cock.
Sam moans at the inexperienced, too tight grip and kisses Castiel harder. He
licks and nips at Castiel’s plump lips, making them all red and swollen, all
the while stroking Castiel slowly. Cas’ hand is guided by Sam’s in a varying
rhythm that can range from jagged to slow to fast and it leaves Sam breathless.
Castiel on the other hand is gasping and moaning unintelligibly for more,
whimpering Sam’s name as he picks up the pace a little more. They are both
panting hotly between kisses, pausing only the moan every once in awhile. Their
foreheads are pressed against each other, producing a fine sheen of sweat in
the process, as their stroking syncs up. Sam is close. Castiel knows this
because he’s close as well and everything about this is perfect up until the
precise moment it isn’t.
Their breathing is getting faster and their hands speed up significantly as
they work to push each other over the threshold, but the sound of the locker
room door being pushed open snaps them out of it. Neither of them have enough
time to react as the footsteps get closer until they are right there at the end
of the row. Sam seizes up when he sees Adam, still in his track gear, rounding
the corner.
Adam stops dead in his tracks, frozen to the spot like a deer caught in
headlights, as he makes eye contact with his brother. Castiel looks over his
shoulder to see who it is, stomach dropping as Adam lets go of his backpack in
shock. It falls to the floor and they all stare at each other with wide eyes,
unmoving and not sure what to do until Sam finds the courage to speak up.
“Adam, I can explain,” Sam starts to gush like he’s been caught with his hand
in the cookie jar, but the damage has been done.
“I can’t fucking believe you, Sam!” Adam shouts, anger flaring up as his face
contorts into disgusted rage. “I expected Dean to do something like this, but
you? Of all people? I thought I could trust you!”
“Adam, I swear this was a mistake!” Sam pleads, causing Cas to jerk his head up
at Sam to stare at him incredulously.
“Screw you, Sam,” Adam spits, shaking his head in disappointment before picking
up his backpack and storming away.
Castiel’s mouth is left agape and his voice escapes him as he tries to call out
for Adam to find out what the hell that was all about. Castiel looks back at
Sam, trying to finds the words to ask all the questions he had on the tip of
his tongue.
“Sam--”
“Come on, let's get dressed,” Sam says dismissively, swinging his leg back over
to his side as if nothing had happened at all.
“Sam…” Castiel tries again, putting a hand on the taller man’s shoulder. Sam
flinches away from it noticeably and Castiel frowns, dumbfounded by Sam’s
sudden behavior.
“I’ll drive you home,” Sam tells him as he begins to get dressed, leaving Cas
to sit there in confused silence.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for a late update! It's a fairly big update, but not much
     really goes on aside from some reflecting and what not. Still, I hope
     you all enjoy!
Some time later they pull up in front of Castiel’s house which is on the other
side of the tracks and in a poor, dilapidated state. It made Sam cringe every
time he saw it. Not because he was disgusted, but because he felt bad that Cas
actually lives in an uninhabitable place like this. Sam kills the engine of his
car and they both just sit there in silence for what seems like a long time.
It’s late in the afternoon by this time, nearly evening, as the sun starts to
set.
Castiel looks over at Sam who is just staring out the windshield and still
firmly gripping his steering wheel. He keeps his hands folded in his lap,
remembering the sensation of Sam touching him and the way his lips tastes on
his own. His body still burned with the memory of it all, including what Sam
said. That them fooling around had been a mistake or the look Adam had on his
face. What the hell happened?
“I shouldn’t have done any of those things with you,” Sam says after a moment,
hanging his head down. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, don’t be,” Cas assures, laying a hand on Sam’s leg. “I wanted you to do
those things to me.”
“That’s not what I'm talking about, Cas,” Sam replies.
“Then tell me. What the hell is going on?” Castiel curses, desperate for
answers.
“I promised Adam I wouldn’t go anywhere near you,” Sam tells him cryptically.
“What are you talking about?” Castiel inquires with confusion. “I asked Adam if
it was alright to ask you out and he told me it was okay.”
“He obviously didn’t mean it,” Sam clarifies, snapping just a little as he
pushes Castiel’s hand away.
“I don’t understand…” Castiel complains, frown deepening even more.
“Adam likes you, Cas,” Sam finally confesses, looking over at the shorter man.
“He’s had a crush on you since forever. You can’t tell me you’ve never noticed
that.”
“I had no idea,” Castiel swears, looking as lost as he’s ever been. A lot of
things made sense now…
"Yeah, well, now you do.”
Castiel doesn’t know what to say to this, he’s still in shock over the whole
locker room incident and having this added to his list of ultimate fuck ups is
too much for him to process all at once. Had he known that Adam liked him
things might have been a little different. After all, Adam was his best friend
and he understood Cas like no other, not to mention he always encouraged him
and had his back. It wasn’t like Castiel didn’t like him in the same way,
because he did, he just always figured Adam was straight and he didn’t want to
make things awkward between them... It’s too late for that now.
“I’m such an idiot,” Castiel scolds, genuinely upset with himself. “Adam must
hate my guts…”
“That’s not true,” Sam disagrees. “You didn’t know, I did. If anything, I’m the
one who betrayed Adam’s trust. I’m the one he’s mad at.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you allow yourself to get carried away like
that even when you knew?” Castiel interrogates, slapping at Sam’s arm in
frustration and anger.
“Because I like you too,” Sam blurts out, grabbing Cas by the wrists to stop
the weak slapping at his arm. “And I meant all those things I said. You really
are beautiful.”
“Adam probably doesn’t think that anymore,” Castiel quips, retracting his hands
from Sam as his frustration subsides into melancholy.
“I'm sure that’s not true,” Sam reiterates, consoling Castiel as much as
possible.
“What am I supposed to do now?” Castiel thinks out loud, looking down at the
floor of the car. “I need to talk to Adam, but he isn’t going to want to talk
to me so soon after what happened. Plus, I still have to see him on Sunday… I'm
so fucked!”
“Don’t worry about it. I'll explain things to him and hopefully he’ll listen.”
“And what if you make things worse?” Cas perpetuates. “I have possibly lost my
best friend all because you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself and because,
apparently, everyone and their mothers knew Adam had a crush on me. I don't
mean to point fingers, but you really threw me under the bus, Sam.”
“I know, and I'm truly sorry about that,” Sam begins to apologize, feeling
really torn up about it.
“You could literally have anyone at school and you chose me,” Castiel points
out.
“I guess I just wanted something I couldn’t have…” Sam says with disdain. “I
didn’t actually think you’d like me back, to be honest.”
“How could I not?” Castiel laughs nervously, blushing a little when he sneaks a
peek over at Sam.
“Where does this leave us?” Sam inquires, looking at Cas expectantly.
“You’re asking me?” Castiel balks, eyebrows drawing together.
“Well…” Sam shrugs.
“I'm going to be honest, Sam. I really like you and I totally would have went
all the way with you…” Castiel gushes.
“But..?”
“But... I'm more concerned with salvaging my friendship with Adam,” Castiel
admits with guilt, looking over at Sam bashfully. “He’s my best friend and he
understands me better than anyone and he was right in front of me this whole
time… How could I have been so blind?”
“You guys would have been cute together,” Sam remarks, giving Cas a hopeful
smile even if it pains him a little to do so.
“The operative words being ‘would have’,” Cas comments with a sigh.
“How about ‘still could’?” Sam offers in a soft optimistic tone. Castiel stares
at him with droopy puppy eyes and it wounds his already heavy conscience. “I’ll
make everything right. I promise, Cas.”
“I'm putting my trust in you, Sam Winchester,” Castiel states, giving Sam the
most worried yet hopeful smile.
“It’s getting late. You should probably head inside before Gabriel sends the
whole police force out looking for you,” Sam jokes, hoping to lighten the mood
a little, and then he realizes what kind of place he’s going home to. “I’ll see
you on Sunday.”
“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel says, smiling at the older boy before ducking out of
his car.
He waves goodbye and watches as Sam drives off in his car, standing there until
the tail lights are completely out of sight before turning towards the walkway
to his home. The structure itself has to be at least a hundred years old, it
definitely looks that old, and Cas is never really too thrilled to come back
here everyday after school, but what can he do? He’s never had it easy. Ever
since his mom left him and his dad to fend for themselves when he was a child,
things have been a little rocky, to say the least.
It left Castiel to learn how to grow up on his own and it left his father
Gabriel codependent on unemployment and alcohol. Castiel likes to think he
turned out alright in the end though. Sure, he didn’t have most of life’s
simple luxuries like dinner every night, warm water, or a way to wash his
clothes every week, but he had enough to survive and stay off the streets. He
had his studies and running to keep him occupied and motivated. It also helps
that he has friends to look out for him. Or, had friends, rather.
Castiel doesn’t bother to pull out his keys because he knows the door is
already unlocked. The lights are on inside, which means Gabriel’s home, and Cas
has good enough judgement to assume that his dad is plastered and forgot to
lock the door again. Cas steps inside, letting his track and field bag fall to
the ground beside the door with a soft thud. He’s not really trying to be
quiet, but at the same time he really doesn’t feel like dealing with Gabriel.
His dad hears him though, even over the sound of the tv’s crappy reception.
“You’re home late!” Gabriel calls out to him with a hint of a slur in his
voice. “Where have you been?”
“Training with Adam,” Castiel tells him, and it is technically the truth. “I
have that big track and field meet this Sunday, remember?”
“Uh-huh,” Gabriel concurs slowly, as if he doesn’t fully believe Cas even
though he’s been reminded for two weeks now. “How’d you get home?”
“Sam gave me a ride,” Cas explains, kicking his shoes off next to his bag.
“Winchester?” Gabriel inquires as Cas walks into the living room. “He kept it
in his pants, right?”
“Dad, that’s gross…” Castiel admonishes as he approaches the man sitting in the
ratty armchair.
“I'm just asking! Those Winchester boys are all hands. They’ll jump your bones
as soon as look at you,” Gabriel rambles and it’s clearly the alcohol talking.
“I can assure you that’s not the case,” Castiel defends, taking a seat on the
arm of Gabriel’s chair. “I can’t really speak for Dean, though,” he adds with a
small chuckle.
This earns him a cackle from his dad and he smiles down at Gabriel as he takes
a swig from his beer bottle. Cas looks towards the tv, trying to decipher what
his dad is watching through the snowy picture. It’s some old black and white
program and Cas thinks he sees a robot, maybe?
“What are you watching?” Cas asks after a moment.
“Lost in Space,” Gabriel says, smiling faintly and taking another drink.
Castiel grimaces slightly. “Hey, you okay?”
“What? Oh, yeah! I'm fine,” Cas gushes, trying to reassure his dad with a
smile. “I'm just exhausted from running. Maybe a little stressed out about
Sunday.”
“I'm sure you’ll do just fine, son,” Gabriel encourages, patting Castiel on the
leg tenderly.
Castiel hates the fact that his father copes by getting loaded every night, but
he can’t help but still love him. Gabriel was a good dad despite everything. He
didn’t always spend money on essential things they needed, but he did care
about his son and he often worried about him. Alcohol never made him violent
despite all of the hate and stress he had bottled up inside, but it rather made
him mellow out a little and he had Cas to thank for that. If he didn’t have
Castiel, he probably just would have given up on life years ago. That was the
one good thing that came of his divorce.
“After all, you get the running gene from your mom,” Gabriel adds with a short
laugh.
“That’s not funny!” Castiel rebukes, slapping his dad on the shoulder.
“I seized the opportunity, son,” Gabriel defends.
“Just because you can crack a joke doesn’t mean you should,” Cas scolds, but
he’s laughing too despite the emotions it brings up.
Castiel’s already come to terms with his mom abandoning him. It doesn’t really
hurt him that much anymore.
“I got you to laugh, though,” Gabriel points out, sticking the neck of his beer
bottle at him. “That counts for something.”
“I suppose it does,” Castiel relents, standing up from his spot on the arm of
the chair. “I'm going to head to my room and do my homework.”
“Hey, there’s mac and cheese in the kitchen if you’re hungry,” Gabriel adds as
an afterthought. “I know it’s not exactly a steak dinner, but it’s there if you
want it.”
“Thanks, dad,” Castiel says, bending down to kiss Gabriel on the top of the
head. “Just holler if you need me.”
“Will do,” Gabriel replies with a raise of his bottle.
Castiel grabs a paper plate and loads up on what’s left in the pot and scurries
off to his room. He didn’t really have homework to do, seeing as how he
finished it in class so he could prepare for Sunday, but he needed an excuse to
be left alone for a little while. He was hungry, tired, and stressed and all he
wanted was some quiet time to mull things over in his head.
He plops down on his bed with a heavy sigh, drawing himself up towards the
headboard to sit up and eat his dinner. Gabriel put tuna in the mac and cheese
instead of hot dogs tonight and it’s even still a little warm. It may not be
the ideal dinner, but Castiel cherishes every bite as the muscles in his legs
finally get a reprieve. Castiel exhales through his nose deeply, closing his
eyes for a brief moment as he concentrates chewing his food.
Castiel sits there on his bed, eating slowly as he tries not to ponder too long
of the Adam situation. All these years he had been infatuated with Sam, too
distracted by a pair of long legs and a head of flowing hair to realize that
Adam had been there since the beginning. Adam was his friend and he always had
his back. Adam was the one to encourage Cas to pursue track in the first place
and he helped him train almost every day. Castiel never realized how perfect
Adam actually was for him.
Not only was Adam his best friend, but he knew things about Castiel that no one
else knew, including Sam. Adam knew when Cas was upset, even if he didn’t say
anything, and was always there to show up with chocolate to cheer him up. He
knew that Castiel enjoyed coffee, but that it always made his stomach upset,
which is why Adam usually picked up tea for him instead. Or that Castiel
preferred pie over cake, because he hated how messy the frosting was.
Adam knew that his favorite soda was root beer, he liked burgers more than
pizza, he didn’t care for watching sports but would rather play them, and that
Castiel’s first crush was actually Kevin Tran and not Harry Spangler in the
second grade despite the rumors created by Dean. Adam was also the first person
Cas came out to.
Castiel wasn’t inclined to change who he was whenever he was around Adam,
because he knew that, no matter what, Adam would accept him for who he was.
Castiel never had the best self-esteem or confidence, but somehow Adam had
always been by his side cheering him on every step of the way… And here he was,
taking all of that for granted because he was too damn blind.
It wasn’t even about feeling bad for hurting Adam by snogging Sam in the boy’s
locker room, but because he knows that he could’ve been happy with Adam. If
Castiel were being honest with himself he’s sort of had a thing for Adam in
some mild form of attraction throughout the years. Sure, he would admit to
loving Adam because they were so close, but Adam was always kind of charming in
his own way, not to mention funny and endearing.
Suddenly, his food left a bad taste in his mouth and even though he still had a
couple bites left, Castiel had lost his appetite. Adam was the best thing to
ever happen to him and he was seriously at risk of losing it all because he was
stupid. But how was he supposed to know Adam was in love with him? The way Adam
acted and treated him seemed appropriate considering they were friends. Maybe
that’s why it was so hard to see Adam as anything more.
And then he wonders what a relationship with Adam would be like. He supposes it
wouldn’t be too bad. After all, they say you should always date someone who is
also your best friend, someone who understands you completely. Every quirk and
flaw and still have have the patience to stick by you through the good and bad
times. That was practically his whole friendship with Adam. Nothing but care
and support for each other.
Adam is kind and funny and never passes judgement without rational thought.
Today was the only exception because his feelings were hurt by someone he both
loves and trusts with his life. Castiel can’t begin to understand how that must
feel. He’s never really loved someone so much that the smallest things could
hurt him. The thing with Sam wasn’t about love. It was based solely off of want
and lust. It was just an infatuation that was never meant to last for more than
a brief period. Cas wants something real, because he’s in it for the long haul.
And the perfect person had been within his grasp for years...
Castiel’s train of thought was distracted by a knock to his door and he jerks
his head up to see Gabriel stepping inside. He looks up at his dad, noticing
the faint look of worry warping his features. Castiel shies away from Gabriel’s
gaze and lets his shoulders slump down.
“Hey, sport. I came to check up on you,” Gabriel greets, walking over towards
Castiel’s bed. He takes a seat on the edge of it near his son, noticing his
plate of unfinished mac and cheese on his nightstand. “You didn’t finish your
dinner. Wasn’t too runny, was it?”
“No, it was fine,” Cas says, being quick to dispel Gabriel’s doubt. “Just not
as hungry as I thought I was.”
“What’s wrong?” Gabriel prods, patting Cas tenderly on the leg.
“Nothing, dad, I'm fine,” Castiel assures, trying to look as convincing as
possible.
“Son, I know I may be shit faced right now, but I'm old enough to tell when
someone’s full of shit,” Gabriel states, looking his boy in the eye with a
mischievous smirk. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“I sort of fucked things up,” Castiel admits, sighing. “Like, royally, fucked
things up.”
“Why do you say that?” Gabriel asks with concern.
“Because I'm an idiot…” Castiel mumbles. He looks anywhere but up at his dad,
too embarrassed by it all to get into detail. “Adam’s mad at me…”
“Why?” Gabriel inquires, taking note of the way Cas refuses to give him a
straight answer. (Literally). “You know you can tell me anything, son.”
“Adam’s mad at me because he saw me and Sam kissing in the locker room and I
feel like a jerk because I didn't know he had feelings for me,” Castiel
divulges on a long breath, inhaling deeply when he can finally catch his
breath.
“Wait, wait, wait…” Gabriel slows down holding his hands up as if to say stop.
“You didn’t know that Adam was in love with you?”
“Really? I practically just came out to you and that’s the first thing you
say?” Castiel questions in disbelief, gaping at his dad. “Why is everyone aware
of Adam being in love with me, but me? What kind of bizarro world am I living
in?”
“Well, I hate to say it son, but it’s kind of obvious how Adam feels about
you,” Gabriel admits, laughing a little as he does. “How could you not know?”
“I thought it was just because we were really close friends,” Cas laments,
getting frustrated all over again. “Normal people tell you when they love you!”
“Ha! You’ve obviously never been in love,” Gabriel points out with a chuckle.
“Not helping!” Castiel complains, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Well, what do you want me to say?” Gabriel offers, trying to console his son.
“That you’re a complete dumbass or that everything is gonna be okay?”
“How about something a little more realistic?” Cas requests, looking up at his
dad with big, pleading eyes. “Something rational?”
“You do realize you’re asking a drunk for help, right?” Gabriel jokes.
“Dad, please,” Castiel whines, needing all the support he can get right now.
“You honestly want to know what I think, son?” Gabriel asks rhetorically,
earning him a nod from Cas. He still has a hand lightly rubbing Castiel’s leg
in comfort. “I think that Adam is your best friend, has been for many, many
years. I know he loves you very dearly, both platonically and romantically. I
also know that no amount of drama, as you kids call it, can come between that.
It just takes a little time for you two to realize that you’re both equally
stupid for different reasons.”
“Not really the pep talk I was expecting…” Castiel huffs, trailing off as he
ponders what his dad said.
“Well, it’s the best you’re gonna get,” Gabriel points out with a shrug.
“Thanks, dad. You really put things into perspective for me,” Castiel says with
a hopeful smile.
“I usually do,” Gabriel sighs with modesty.
“Don’t let it go to your head,” Cas warns, rolling his eyes.
“You know I love you, right?” Gabriel informs, cupping the side of Castiel’s
face.
“I love you too, dad,” Castiel murmurs.
“Everything is gonna be fine,” Gabriel tells him, stroking his thumb over
Castiel’s cheek gently. “Don't let yourself get all torn up over some boy.
You’re stronger than that.”
Castiel misses how close him and Gabriel used to be when he was younger and
while these moments were few and sparse, Castiel soaked up every bit of
affection he could get before his dad began to stand up.
“Best thing for you to do right now is to get some rest and sleep on it. After
all, you got a big track meet on Sunday and you’ll need to be at your best,”
Gabriel reminds him, bending over to kiss his son on the top of the head,
ruffling Castiel’s hair playfully afterwards. He picks up the mostly finished
plate of mac and cheese and takes his leave. “I'm glad we had this talk, son.
Sleep well.”
“Goodnight, dad,” Cas returns, smiling at Gabriel as he shut the door with a
soft click behind him.
Castiel sits there on his bed, mulling over the words of wisdom his dad
imparted him with. It’s still eating him up inside, but he’s a lot less worried
about the situation than he was before. Gabriel was right. It’s all about time
and waiting for the best moment to try to talk things out and reconcile
differences. It’s two days until the track and field meet and Castiel supposes
he can talk to Adam then, assuming Sam hasn’t made things worse.
He wonders for a second if Adam will even show up on Sunday, but he figures
that he’s colossally stupid for even thinking that. There’s no way Adam would
miss something this important just to avoid him. Adam wasn’t that childish.
Still, Cas had a funny feeling in his stomach, kind of like butterflies, but
the anxious, nervous kind. He could only hope that it wouldn’t affect his
performance on Sunday.
Still, the track meet was the last thing on his mind.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     Hoping to be done with this story in one more chapter! It's about
     time that I finish this story.
It was finally Sunday, the day of the big Track and Field meet, and Adam still
wasn’t talking to him. Castiel doesn’t even think Adam was talking to Sam
either. He would ask, but Sam was avoiding him as much as possible, probably
trying to show Adam that he wasn’t interested in Cas anymore. Whatever the hell
was going on, Cas didn’t know for sure. All he knew was that boys were too
confusing and he had to keep his head in the game if he wants to perform well
in the competition.
He only hopes Adam was thinking clearly too, because he was the Anchor in the
Relay Race.
Originally, Castiel was supposed to be the Anchor, but he passed it onto Adam
as a sign of good faith. He knew Adam was faster than him anyway despite how
much the blonde denies it. Besides, Castiel was already competing in the
hundred yard dash and the long jump, while Adam was just going to be doing
hurdles. Which was probably smart. Castiel probably shouldn’t have overburden
himself with three events, especially when he sucked in the long jump, but he
always has to push himself too far.
It was fifteen minutes before the first event would start and Castiel looks
around at all the other teams from different high schools in the area. There
were some pretty fast kids from the other schools, but Castiel felt their
school did rather well in comparison. They weren’t the best team, but they held
their own. Castiel has faith that they’ll do great this year, mostly because of
all the time he spent training with Adam over the course of summer and during
the school year.
Speaking of which, Cas spares a look over at Adam who’s using the bench for
stretching exercises, getting nice and limber for the events to come, and he
frowns slightly. He really wants to talk to Adam, seeing this as the best
opportunity to do so, but keeps himself from actually going through on it. The
fear of putting Adam in a bad mood and messing up his concentration is greater
than Castiel’s own selfish desire to make himself feel better.
Instead, Castiel opts to loosen up his own muscles much in the same fashion as
Adam. After all, it was Adam who showed him these techniques in the first
place. Cas gets to stretching, starting on the ground in a sitting position, as
Adam turns his gaze in his direction. Cas tries not to notice the way Adam
stares down at him with a forlorn expression, but it’s unavoidable. Cas swivels
his head up at Adam, looking guilty as ever, and attempts to look apologetic as
possible. As if he could telepathically communicate just how sorry he is for
how blind he had been the past few years.
Adam regards him with a stoic once over before staring straight ahead and
switching up his technique once more. Cas stares at him for a moment longer
before going about his own business. At least he didn’t scowl at me, Castiel
muses. He figures Adam was more hurt and betrayed rather than vengeful and
angry at this point. He still has feelings for Cas which is the reason why the
blonde was only giving him the silent treatment and not actively seeking out
confrontation.
Although, Castiel wouldn’t put it past him if Adam wanted to yell at him.
Castiel had been too distracted by a pretty face when something more meaningful
was patiently waiting for him. That’s not to say Sam was only interested in one
thing, it’s just that Cas couldn’t see a definite future with the tallest
Winchester. The more Cas thinks about it, the more he realizes him and Sam
aren’t all that compatible to begin with. At least not in the way him and Adam
are… Or were…
He looks to the bleachers to occupy his racing thoughts and spots Sam and Dean
sitting amongst the crowd of people, talking about who knows what. They
probably only came on the principle that they want to support their brother.
That was Dean’s motive for sure, but Cas secretly hopes that Sam was keeping
the promise he made to Castiel before everything went to hell. It didn’t matter
either way. At least Castiel could pretend someone actually showed up for him.
Cas had looked around for a little while he stretched, but didn’t find Gabriel
anywhere. Cas doesn’t know what he was expecting. He knows his dad loves him
and has his own weird way of supporting him, but Castiel really wishes Gabriel
would have came to cheer him on. There’s still time, Castiel ponders
positively. Dad isn't the most punctual person, after all.
An air horn goes off, snapping Castiel out of his thoughts and signalling all
participants that the events will soon commence. Castiel stands up and joins
his team on the sidelines. His first event, the hundred yard dash, isn’t until
after Pole Vaulting and Javelin, so he still has a little bit of time to psych
himself up beforehand. He spares a glance over at Adam to see how he’s faring
with his own butterflies since Adam has hurdles just after his own event.
He seems to be in the zone as far as Cas can tell, which is a good sign. He
definitely looks a lot more calm than Cas is feeling right now. Castiel’s glad
he switched places with Adam on the Relay Race, because the way Cas’ stomach is
twisting is only making his anxiety worse. Then again, Adam could be panicking
on the inside. Castiel doesn’t want to think about that. If anything goes wrong
today, anything at all, Cas is just going to assume it’s because he ruined
things with Adam.
He knows it’s foolish to think such a thing, but ever since his mother left
well… He can’t help but think everything wrong in the world is his fault by
proxy. Cas needs to snap out of it because his event is up next and it’s his
best one other than the Relay.
Castiel makes his way over to the track, taking his place in lane three.
Everyone warms up with some stretches, lunging forward and holding their feet
up against the backs of their thighs to loosen their hamstrings. Castiel was
going through the motions, doing some breathing exercises as well to calm his
nerves. He didn’t have to look at the sidelines to know Adam was staring at him
and Cas tries not to acknowledge that too much for his own sake. Doesn’t even
attempt to look over to sate his curiosity because he’s well aware that it’ll
destroy any hope of completing the race successfully.
All the kids squat down on the ground and get into position, adjusting their
footing until they deem it comfortable enough. Castiel is still inhaling deeply
and exhaling slowly as the tension builds up in the atmosphere around the
track. He can hear one of the other boys breathing jaggedly beside him because
he’s so nervous. That’d be me if it weren’t for Adam, Cas realizes. I’d be a
nervous wreck without him.
Castiel is staring straight ahead, counting down the agonizing seconds until
the air horn sounds off. He has his rear end poised up in the air, making his
track shorts ride up slightly, but he doesn’t have time to adjust himself when
he hears the horn ring out. The piercing sound sends all of the boys off in a
mad dash towards the finish line, kicking up dust as their feet scramble for
immediate traction.
Castiel doesn’t have the best reaction time, but he makes up for it in
determination. His willpower propels him towards the head of the pack as his
legs work double time to catch up. He’s in second place by the fifty yard mark,
not by much, and tries to push himself to go faster. When he doesn’t make any
head way, Castiel believes that this is as far as his body is willing to go,
but slowly and surely Cas can see himself pulling nearer and nearer to the boy
currently at the peak of the pack.
It’s getting closer with each passing second and Castiel can see the finish
line pulling in towards them. His heart his beating erratically and his breath
is coming out in harsh pants as he tries to control of how fast his legs are
moving. The last thing he needs is to trip and twist an ankle before the Relay.
But Castiel remains in control of his faculties long enough to push himself
just a little bit further to the limit.
For a moment, all is quiet. All Cas can hear is the blood pounding in his ears
and a faint static. The tremors of his feet striking the ground send shockwaves
up his calves to the point where he thinks his legs may run off without the
rest of him. But Castiel concentrates, keeping his attention straight ahead as
he pulls up beside the boy in first and slowly passes him. Castiel’s left foot
is the first to strike the chalk line in the dirt, bringing him in first place
by mere milliseconds just before the other kid.
At first, Castiel doesn’t even realize he’s won, it being such a close race and
all, but when the times are announced Cas nearly faints. He got first place
over the other boy, who is clearly faster than him, by exactly seven
milliseconds. Castiel drops to his knees in the dirt, amazed by the sheer luck
and willpower it took to beat the best runner from one of the other schools.
The other guy wasn’t too happy to say the least, but he was a good sport as he
was the first to congratulate Castiel.
The boy outstretched a hand to Castiel to help him up from the ground and it’s
only when Cas is up does he notice just how badly his legs are throbbing. He’s
panting too, in desperate need of water to soothe the fire burning in his
throat from exertion.
“Good job out there, man,” the second place winner says, shaking Cas’ hand.
“You clearly knocked me for a loop.”
“Thanks. You definitely didn’t make it easy, I'll say,” Castiel huffs with
exhausted laughter.
“Just wait until next year,” the kid promises with a smile, slapping Castiel on
the back with a good-natured can-do attitude.
The rest of Cas’ track team comes up to crowd around him, rubbing him on the
back and shoulders as they cheer him on for his victory. Adam even joins them,
remaining silent for the most part as the others rejoice. It’s only after his
teammates disperse that Adam actually approaches Castiel. Castiel holds his
breath until Adam finally speaks.
“You did really well,” Adam congratulates, keeping his expression lax. “Bit of
a rough start, but you came out on top in the end. I knew you would.”
“Thank you, Adam,” Castiel replies, shuffling awkwardly since this was the
first time Adam’s talked to him in days. “I wouldn’t have been able to do any
of this without you.”
“I'm sure that’s not true,” Adam dismisses with a shrug of his right shoulder.
“All I did was motivate you.”
“You’ve done so much more than that and you know it,” Cas insists, taking a
step closer to Adam. He feels victorious when Adam doesn’t shy away from him.
“You believed in me, pushed me to be the best that I could. You always made
sure I was hydrated too.”
“Speaking of which,” Adam trails off. He holds a bottle of water out towards
Castiel with a weak smile that feels like he’s trying to suppress it because
he’s still hurt. “I figured you could use this.”
“See what I mean?” Castiel points out, accepting the water as a peace offering.
“Old habits,” Adam shrugs as he watches Castiel take a big gulp.
He hates the way Cas makes him feel, even now as he’s trying to wallow in the
pain of seeing him and Sam together after years of him attempting to do the
same. It makes his blood boil at the mere thought of Sam kissing Castiel first,
but all of that is cast to the shadows as Castiel stands before him a panting,
sweaty mess. His dark hair is slightly mussed and matted to his damp forehead
and the beads of sweat rolling down his pale neck make Adam want to lick them
off slowly.
Adam tries to shake the mental image from his head as he’s brought back to
reality. He turns to the stands to take his mind off of ravaging Castiel for a
second and spots a familiar face in the crowd amongst the others. He grins
widely despite himself and turns back to Castiel.
“Hey,” Adam says, nodding his head over in the direction just behind him. “Look
who’s here.”
Castiel raises his gaze up to the bleachers and past Adam’s face, stepping
forward and searching for whoever Adam was pointing out. His eyes came to rest
on the familiar face of Gabriel and his face lit up with joy and excitement.
His father caught his eye and waved over towards his son, throwing a thumbs up
in celebration for his victory in the hundred yard dash. Castiel almost wanted
to cry he was so happy. His dad showed up just in time to see his son win after
all.
“He made it! I can’t believe he actually--” Castiel’s sentence cuts off when he
realizes Adam is no longer standing by his side.
He frowns a little, obviously expecting a little more from Adam, but he
supposes it’s for the best. Adam has hurdles up next and he should probably get
ready for those instead of awkwardly chatting it up with Cas. Castiel makes his
way off the track as they set up for the next event and cools down before he
has to do the long jump.
Castiel idly thinks that the conversation with Adam didn’t go too bad. Adam
didn’t raise his voice or show any hostility towards him, which was always a
good sign. Still, Cas couldn’t help but notice the faint sadness and dismissive
nature of the way Adam was talking to him. He was clearly attempting to
distance himself from the way he truly feels about Castiel… Still feels.
Cas just hopes their little chat hadn’t messed Adam up for hurdles.
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