Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3379955.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Underage
  Category:
      M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Fullmetal_Alchemist_(Anime_2003)
  Relationship:
      Edward_Elric/Envy, Edward_Elric/Alfons_Heiderich
  Character:
      Edward_Elric, Alfons_Heiderich, Envy_(Fullmetal_Alchemist), Van_Hohenheim
  Additional Tags:
      Yaoi, Heavy_Angst, Heartbreak
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-02-17 Chapters: 2/? Words: 5151
****** Bittersweet ******
by nerfworthy
Summary
     Staged in 1921 Munich. Edward is living with Alfons, who is getting
     sicker by the day. It took two years for the gate to finally spit
     Envy out, and he subsequently lost his memory. The gate is cruel, but
     not without purpose. It put Envy there for a reason, and the timing
     couldn't be better. Though for Edward, a taste bittersweet cannot be
     so easily forgotten. EdxAlfons, EdxEnvy.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Edward POV
A smile, a laugh. The familiar warmth of a place I recognized. Faces with no
features, but I knew who they were supposed to be. I should have known it was a
dream before I opened my eyes and realized where I was, but I didn't. The world
I was in now felt more like the dream to me. It seemed hazy and foggy as if it
wasn't even real at all.
This had become my life now.
The feeling of disappointment filled my chest as I sat up in bed for what
seemed like the hundredth time that night and stared out the window at the
stars that were not my own. I didn't belong there. Though I suppose that world
was all right in it's own way.
Laying back down in resignation, I allowed myself to pass out for a few more
hours. Maybe his body would let me rest at least until the sun came back up.
"Edward! Today's the day!" Alfons knocked excitedly at my door after what
seemed like only five minutes after I had laid my head back down on the pillow.
How could I have forgotten?
"Make sure you're there! You can't miss it!" Alfons' happy voice faded as he
descended down the stairs.
His rocket was launching today, of course. Alfons Heiderich had become my rock
in this foreign world.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Alfons." I said to myself as I pulled myself
out of bed and began fitting my prosthetic limbs in place for the day. They
weren't as durable or responsive as my automail had been, but they would do.
I had been so enthusiastic about this before. I had even studied rocketry with
Alfons until we came to Munich. This was the science of this world, and as
interesting as it was, it just wasn't me. I couldn't forget about alchemy, and
it didn't matter how many stories I told Alfons about my world, he still didn't
believe me. I was beginning to think he thought I was crazy and delusional.
Well, maybe I am.
Tying my hair into a simple tail, I change into clothing drab and dull. It was
the way of this world. Nothing flashy, nothing extravagant. Not here. Germany
was a strange place full of politics and overbearing law, and there was no
shortage of racism. I suppose I was lucky that I was fair-haired and skinned
when I got dropped off into this place. I fit in more-or-less, but everyone
could always sense something different about me.
It didn't help when everyone I met looked exactly like someone I knew in my
world. The stare of disbelief mixed with wonder and confusion I must have had
on my face as I talked to each one the first time surely gave away my insanity.
Even Alfons looks exactly like I would have imagined my brother to look if he
were a few years older. I suppose it's one of the reasons we had grown so
close. You could say he had become my 'replacement' for Al, but that's not
something I shared with him openly, especially not since we had become lovers.
I didn't expect it to happen, but one night it just... did. We were sitting
together, my hand on his leg. I had gotten used to doing that as we got closer,
it was a friendly gesture; a way to show him I loved him. He was my rock after
all. He still is.
I guess he took it as something else, and he kissed me. He initiated it, and I
was startled at first, but found myself kissing back. It was so natural. That's
how it started almost a year ago, and we've been hiding it ever since.
Homosexuality is a punishable offense in Munich, so we are very careful. As far
as anyone else is concerned, we are just good friends who are room mates for
the convenience of sharing the rent cost.
I made my way downstairs after my morning ritual to find Alfons scarfing down
some toast and a glass of orange juice. He really seemed enthused, and was
definitely in a hurry.
"Mornin'." I said casually as I plopped down and cooked myself a slice of
bread.
"I'm going to be late!" Alfons kept glancing at his watch as he ate.
I couldn't help but laugh a little. "You're going to get there before anyone
else if you keep rushing like this. You've got time."
He smiled at me, his chewing noticeably slowed as he tried to pace himself. He
had a beautiful smile, and it reached all the way to his sparkling sky blue
eyes. You know how most people smile even when they don't mean it? Well Alfons
didn't do that. When he smiled, it was always genuine. He was one of those
people that everyone liked. He had no true enemies, save for his own body.
Then he began to cough. Deep, straining coughs that wracked his entire body. I
stared at him in worry, reaching my hand to stroke his back in a comforting way
as the fit jarred his slight body. It took him several moments to calm his
throat, and he looked at me with watery eyes, no doubt caused by the force of
the hacking.
"Thanks, Ed. I'll be all right. It's just a little cold or something." He
smiled encouragingly at me, but it did not have the desired effect. I knew
there was something more seriously wrong with him. People with colds didn't
cough like that. But I said nothing, and I did nothing.
There's nothing I regret more than that.
Envy POV
It's so dark it's blinding. I can't see a thing. I don't know where I am, or
how I got here.
Memories started to flood back. The gate? I went inside, I knew that much. How
long was I inside before it decided to spit me back out?...
I was seeking something... but what? I couldn't remember. My head was swimming
and I couldn't control this body... this body. It's not mine. It didn't feel
right.
I lifted my head with some effort. It felt heavier than normal, and the shape
was all wrong. I was dizzy and it hurt all over.
Somewhere between a hiss and a growl emitted from my throat as I took in my
surroundings all at once, desperately looking for something that seemed
familiar. Where am I? I scan, and scan, long snout swishing to and fro as I
frantically searched, but I didn't recognize anything. I cry out, but instead
of my voice, I hear an ear-splitting roar of a beast instead. It scares me, so
I try to run. My legs didn't work.
Only then did I abruptly realize I had no legs.
Completely terrified now, I dropped to my belly and began to crawl. It felt
more natural than I anticipated, but that doesn't make it any less wrong.
Was I dreaming? No, homunculi couldn't dream. This had to be real. Some sick,
twisted joke the gate was playing on me. It had to be.
I slithered and snaked my way around fallen logs and shrubbery, seeking
something that I wasn't yet consciously aware of.
I was drawn to some force, some lingering power that at the time I felt had
been taken from me. It drew me closer and closer, until I realized I had
reached a city. It wasn't a city I recognized, far from it in fact. I hadn't
noticed at first that people were pointing and screaming in my direction,
shouting things in a language foreign to my ears. I understood it, but it
didn't sound right somehow.
It all seems like a blur to me now, how quickly I was bound and tied up and
taken to yet another place I didn't recognize. I was angry, and scared, and
hurt. All of these emotions flared inside of me as I screamed and wailed into
the sky as sharp projectiles pierced my hide and the ropes that were slung over
my elongated form were tightened until they dug in.
I tried to change into something smaller, something more nimble and easier to
control. I failed. There was no alchemic surge, no red sparks. No overwhelming
feeling of euphoria that I had come to expect each time I changed my form. It
made me feel like a superior being, something untouchable. That power had been
stripped so carelessly from me that I now felt naked without it.
Fat salty tears leaked from my oversized reptilian eyes, squeezing shut in
agony as my captors abused me. Was this what it was like, to feel powerless and
weak? It had been so long since I had felt this way, I could barely remember it
anymore.
Edward POV
I heard commotion outside. It interrupted our breakfast, catching both Alfons'
attention as well as my own.
"What's going on out there?" Alfons questioned, moving to peer out the window
to the street.
"I don't know." I muttered. In this place, it could be anything. Fights broke
out almost on a daily basis since the war began. I didn't expect to be
surprised by what I saw outside, but I was.
I stood next to Alfons and gazed out the window, pulling the curtain back
further to get a better look. There it was, a giant, snake-like monster that
was already tied up and bound to the point that it coudn't move at all.
It was green and scaly, but it was also writhing in pain. What's more, when I
looked to it's face I saw something I would never expect to see on a beast.
There were tears.
It was crying. I could tell that much just from my point of view, which wasn't
great since I was indoors and peering out a clouded old window. How could those
men not notice?
Rage pooled in my heart as I saw the animal—or whatever it was—being tormented
relentlessly.
Alfons went to say something, but it was too late, I had already ran outside
before he could stop me. I sprinted to the monster, to the men that captured
it. I stood with my legs apart, knees slightly bent, arms at my side as I
confronted them.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I yelled, causing the men to stop
their abuse and turn to glare at me.
"This creature is being detained. It crossed into city boundaries and posed a
threat to the people! It must be eliminated." The man replied, malice in his
eyes that belied his false speech of 'protecting the people'.
I knew better. These were poachers. They saw an opportunity and took it, and
likely just wanted the creature's hide. Real authority wouldn't behave in such
a manner as this.
A growled ripped in my throat. "Let it go." I demanded, and they gave me a
stupid look.
"What are you gonna do it about it? You fucking cripple." He began to laugh and
anger only rose in me further. In this country, cripples were laughed at and
ridiculed. They were viewed as useless and a waste of air and food. I tried to
keep it a secret, the fact I had artificial limbs, but it seemed my secret
wasn't as well-guarded as I originally thought.
"Oh yeah? Well can a cripple do this?" I spat, taking my flesh hand and
grabbing my prosthetic, forcefully turning the joint until it snapped backwards
to reveal a pulley. I yanked it, and immediately the fake, skin-toned silicone
covering began to melt away as my metal prosthetic was revealed. For lack of
better explanation, doing that basically supercharged my metal arm for a short
burst of power if I really needed it.
I considered this to be one of those times.
Rushing forward, I grabbed the guy who dared make a verbal strike against my
prosthetics, and flung him to the side. At the same time, the other two
advanced on me. I punched one right in the jaw while nimbly dodging the
incoming fist of the other. Once I got my balance back, I kicked the guy I had
originally dodged right in the gut with my metal foot.
It was an easier fight than I expected, as they all seemed to give up after
that. Apparently they weren't expecting the 'cripple' to pack such a punch with
his metal limbs.
Even after the men left, the bystanders didn't go about their business.
Everyone was staring at this giant reptilian creature who was still bound up
and bleeding from the various wounds the men had caused. It wasn't a sight
these people were used to seeing.
I had to do something fast before the police arrived, otherwise my efforts
would have been for naught.
Envy POV
It felt like hours before the tormenting ceased, and the men cleared as I was
evidently put into my final resting place. At least, that's how I viewed it
from my muddled consciousness. I thought they had left me to die. It was quiet
now, and I painfully opened my eyes to get a good look at the place I was going
to die, but I was met with a sight I hadn't expected.
A golden haired boy stood before me, metal arm showing though his tattered
sleeve and he looked a little disheveled as if he were just fighting.
His face was blurry through my wet vision, as the tears still hadn't cleared
from my eyes. He reminded me of someone, but I couldn't remember who. He looked
so familiar. Did I know him?
I opened my maw to say something, but nothing came out. Sputtering, I realized
I had been stabbed in the neck. I tasted copper in the back of my throat and
realized it was my own blood. Since when do I bleed?...
The last thing I remembered then was the concern in the young blonde's eyes,
fading to black as I lost consciousness. Was he the one who saved me? Why would
he care so much for me?
I'm a monster. I remember that much.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Alfons POV
I watched from the front door as Edward launched himself into yet another
battle that had nothing to do with him. He came out fairly unscathed, but the
way that beast was looking at him unnerved me. It's almost as if it were more
than a mere animal. Some recognition flashed in it's large, purple eyes that
shouldn't have been there when it looked up and locked eyes with Edward. My
Edward.
Gulping down the hint of blood that had crept up my throat during my coughing
fit, the evidence of my sickness, I hurried over to Edward once the men he
fought scattered.
"Hurry, Alfons! Help me untie it. We need to stop the bleeding!" Edward seemed
panic-stricken. At the time, I didn't understand why. I'm not convinced he did,
either.
"O-okay." I reluctantly began untying the ropes that bound the unconscious
reptile. No one else helped, they only stared in wonder and disbelief. It was
just Edward and I, trying to save the life of a green monster.
Edward pulled his shirt off and stuffed it into the gaping wound on the
monster's neck. Blood soaked it immediately, doing little good.
"Damnit!" Edward swore. "How are we supposed to move it?"
"We can't. It's too heavy." I sighed, feebly trying to push against the heavy
scales with my hands. They felt weak, like they had no power behind them. I was
trying to hide it, but I really didn't feel well that day. I felt clammy and
feverish, and there was a constant itch at the back of my throat like I wanted
to cough. Then there was the metallic taste that always lingered in my mouth.
Edward looked frustrated; maybe even downright furious. He began to yell. "Why
won't you people fucking help me? Can't you see it's dying?"
The crowd seemed nervous, and even fearful of Ed at this point. Likely most of
them were just as happy if the beast died, rather than possibly wrecking havoc
on the already stricken town.
A few brave individuals actually stepped forward though, and began to shove at
the giant creature. It was made even more difficult by the fact it was nothing
but dead weight, being unconscious like that. It made sense to at least get the
thing out of the middle of the street, I suppose.
Between all of us, we finally got the creature off to the side and around the
side of the place where Edward and I lived. It was mildly sheltered with a
short fence and a tree overhanging, but it didn't exactly keep the serpent out
of sight entirely.
I was nervous about this, and didn't like the idea of trying to hide it from
the authorities. We already had enough to hide. What was Edward thinking, and
why did he have such a drive to save it? Uncomfortable knots formed in my
already upset stomach as I felt Edward was beginning to slip further and
further away from me.
Edward POV
We finally got it mostly out of sight, and I suddenly felt fatigued from the
physical strain it took to move such a massive creature. I ran into the house
to find anything I could to stop the bleeding. Sheets, blankets, I didn't care.
My only goal was to save its life.
I wrapped a bed sheet around its neck, attempting to tourniquet off the
bleeding. It didn't work as well as I had anticipated, as it is seemingly more
difficult to achieve on a creature that is covered in large, thick scales.
"Ed... I don't think we can save it by ourselves." Alfons said in a small
voice.
"We have to. I need to find out—" I cut myself off, unsure of exactly how to
finish that sentence. Alfons already thought I was a little nuts, and telling
him what I was feeling would likely not help his opinion of my mental state.
When I looked into that reptile's eyes I sensed a familiarity that I could only
experience in my dreams since I came to this world. It was only for a moment,
but when it looked up at me and we locked gazes, I felt like I knew it somehow.
It sounds ridiculous, but I felt as though we had met before.
Of course that should have been absurd, but I couldn't shake the feeling that
lingered in my body from that encounter.
"What is it you need to find out, Ed?" Alfons' question brought me back to
reality.
"...I... I don't know yet. I just need to make sure it doesn't die. I feel bad
for it." I half-lie, unsure of how to tell Alfons how I'm really feeling.
Predictably, he looked as though he didn't believe I was telling him the whole
truth. I should have just said nothing at all. Though he was my rock here in
this foreign place, he never took it seriously when I told him stories of my
world. I loved him. I would always love him. But how could I have shared my
life completely with him if he just brushed off my past like that?
I knew it hurt him when I referred to this world as a dream, or implied that it
wasn't the real world. To him, this was the only real world.
After a while, I just quit talking about my old life entirely. Things sort of
settled into a routine after that, until this happened of course.
Before I knew it, Alfons had gotten on the phone. Who could he possibly be
calling at a time like this?
"—Thanks Dr. Hughes, I know it's short notice but it's an emergency. See you
soon." Click.
Alfons had called the local veterinarian, of course. That would only make
logical sense. Leave it to him to be the level-headed one.
I managed to slow the bleeding with the sheets and blankets until Dr. Hughes
arrived.
"Thanks for coming on such short notice, Sir." Alfons greeted the doctor
politely once he arrived, and led him around to the side where the beast had
been moved to.
"Oh dear. This is a special case." Dr. Hughes took his stethoscope and put it
to the area where I assumed the serpent's chest was located at and listened.
"He's breathing. The heart beat is slowed, but that's likely due to the
unconscious state of the reptile. First thing's first, we'll sew up this wound
and treat it with antibiotics, then it should wake up on its own in due time."
His easy-going, calm way of speaking soothed my nerves some. He also seemed to
think it was going to be just fine, making me feel like I might have been
overreacting some.
"—Though, there does seem to be some fluid in the lungs." He repositioned his
instrument a few times, listening intently. "We'll have to drain that out once
the wound is sewed shut before its breathing is compromised."
I nodded shallowly. The doctor then took out his bag and began withdrawing
various things like tubes and pumps. It seems he came well-equipped for an
emergency house call at least.
"Could you help me get its mouth open far enough for me to put this down its
throat?" He motioned for me to help, and I obediently put my hands to the
serpent's lower jaw and pulled. The razor-sharp teeth emerged as its lips were
pulled away from them slightly as I pulled its mouth open, and the tongue
flopped out the side of its mouth unceremoniously as the doctor began inserting
the long tube down its throat.
Connecting it to a pump, once it was inserted fully, he began draining the red
liquid into a can. I was still holding the creature's mouth open, and the
warmness of its breath hit my face in a rhythmic way. I expected its breath to
be foul, but it wasn't. It was just warm, and almost a little musky in odor,
but not at all unpleasant.
As the fluid was draining, Dr. Hughes began working on closing the wound. It
seems there would be a permanent scar between the two scales where it was
punctured.
Before I knew it, it was all over and the doctor was getting ready to leave. It
was odd, how he didn't seem to be surprised over the fact we called him to come
treat a giant green serpent.
He simply handed me a bottle of antibiotics and instructed me to give it three
pills a day for a week.
I hadn't really thought that far ahead yet. I didn't know how it was going to
behave when it wakes up.
Alfons POV
I hadn't realized how much time we spent with Dr. Hughes. I looked at my watch
and realized I was already late for the rocket launching event!
"I have to go, Ed! I'm late!" I said after the doctor departed.
Edwards bulged like he had forgotten. Of course he had. He had started losing
interest in rocketry for a while now.
"Shit, Alfons. How are we supposed to leave it here alone?" He asked, looking
over at the still-unconscious serpent.
My eyes lowered. I should have known something would happen so Edward couldn't
make it. I felt like we had been growing apart these past months. He'd been
getting more and more distant from me, and I couldn't understand why.
Edward seemed to read my look. I could see duplicity in his eyes, as if he were
trying to figure something out.
I began to leave, and I heard Ed behind me. He grabbed my hand, catching up to
me.
He surprised me by pulling me in closer for a kiss, effectively stopping me in
my tracks.
It was a shallow, brief kiss, but held more meaning for me at that moment than
any deep kiss would.
"Alfons. I told you I wouldn't miss this." He said once our lips separated,
that soft look behind those big golden pools that he reserved only for me. "I
doubt it'll wake up before we get back, anyway."
I bit my lower lip lightly, a small smile gracing my lips and a slight flush
invading my cheeks. He always managed to say the right thing.
I moved to hold his hand in mine as we left together, but stopped just before
our fingers touched. We couldn't show affection in public. It was our best kept
secret, but sometimes I would forget that our love was considered an
abomination when it felt so right to me.
Envy POV
I had no way of knowing how long I'd been out when I finally awoke. My mouth
felt dry and cottony, and I lifted my head to check my surroundings. I no
longer felt like I was in danger, but I had a throbbing pain in my neck and
various aches all over my body.
My body.
I had almost forgotten. This foreign body which was not my own. I couldn't
change out of it at all, no matter how hard I tried. It was a debilitating
feeling.
I was laying in the grass, sun peeking through the trees and illuminating my
scales. I looked down at myself, monstrous and green. Had I come up with this
form? It wasn't very flattering.
Where did that golden-haired boy go? I pictured the last thing I remembered
before I fell unconscious. That beautiful face and worried expression. I felt
like I knew him, but couldn't remember from where. I wanted to see him again.
No, I couldn't focus on that right now. There was much more important things I
had to worry about. Something was drawing me to this place. Some unseen
force... something I was lacking. Something was taken from me, and I intended
on getting it back.
I had to find it. I had to restore myself. I couldn't function properly in this
body.
I searched and I searched, trying my best to stay out of sight. I didn't need a
repeat of what happened the first time.
The feeling grew stronger, more pronounced as I neared a cottage just outside
of town. The muscles in my belly moved me closer and closer until my nose was
nearly pressed against the door. I didn't know what I was going to find, but at
the time I didn't care either.
I opened my mouth and my voice finally came out, ragged and gravelly.
"GIVE ME BACK WHAT'S MINE! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT!" I scraped my teeth against the
door irritably as I was unable to do much else in this form.
Shuffling could be heard on the other side of the door, before it slowly opened
to reveal an aging blonde man with his hair in a ponytail and glasses high on
his strong nose. A snarl ripped in my throat as I instantly recognized who it
was. If nothing else, my hatred kept my memory of him alive.
"HOHENHEIM!" I screamed, lunging my open jaws towards the startled man, who
just barely managed to dodge my sluggish assault. I was still feeling the abuse
I had suffered earlier, and it showed in my attacks.
"W-william? Is that really you?" He stuttered my name, clearly afraid. The fear
in his eyes made me almost giddy. "How did you end up in this world?"
This world? The fuck is he on about?
"Oh, so you remember me after all this time? I should be fucking flattered. And
it's Envy now, pops. You should know that, seeing as how you're the one who
fucking made me what I am!" I growled, looking down at him from my reared
position, ready to strike again at any moment. There was something stopping me,
though. The feeling I had sensed was radiating from the bastard himself. That
meant I needed him alive. Fuck.
"Well of course. I would recognize one of my sons no matter what." He peered up
at me, his body suddenly more relaxed now that I had stopped to actually talk
to him. What a smug bastard. Just then though, his eyes gained a peculiar
sadness to them. "That's why I'd like to tell you something, William."
I really wish he'd stop fucking calling me that.
"Cut the crap old man. I know you have something of mine. The only reason your
guts aren't splattered all over your walls is because I need to know how to fix
this, and I know you know how!" I snapped, starting to lose my patience with
this.
His eyes softened, and almost gained a look of pity. I fucking hated that look.
The last thing I needed was his pity!
A low growl grumbled in my chest as a warning.
"I'm sorry... Envy." He seemed to struggle to say my name. He looked at me
sadly. Why was he apologizing now?! Was he trying to get on my good side or
something? Fat fucking chance.
"I always meant to apologize to you, but I never got the right opportunity. I
think now is that time."
I winced, not wanting to hear any of it. All I want is my body back!
"Shut up!" I snapped, baring my canines at him. He wasn't even flinching
anymore. Why wasn't he afraid of me?!
"I was wrong, for leaving you. I was wrong for what I did to you, and I'm
sorry. Even if you don't forgive me, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am."
Something disgustingly similar to tears pricked at the corners of my eyes and I
fought them back with all of my being. Stupid bastard. He has no fucking idea
what I've been through because of him.
"Let me help you, Envy." He pleaded with me. Fuck him, I don't want his pity. I
just wanted a way to change out of this horrendous form of mine!
Growling, I weighed my options quickly. If I refused his help and just killed
him, I may be stuck in this body forever. But if I allow him to help me, I
might be able to return back to normal and remember what happened to me. God
damnit!
"Fine! But this doesn't mean you're off the hook, Hohenheim. You better fucking
have a way to fix this shit and not be wasting my time!" I spat out his name
like a bad taste, but he seemed satisfied with my answer.
"I would invite you inside, but I don't think you will fit." He had the
arrogance to chuckle. He was really getting on my nerves, but I resisted the
urge to bite his stupid head off. I needed answers first.
"Just fucking fix me, you worthless bastard."
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