Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4142754.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Armin_Arlert/Levi
  Character:
      Armin_Arlert, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin)
  Additional Tags:
      Rape/Non-con_Elements, Rape_Aftermath, Gang_Rape, Exhibitionism,
      Vibrators, Aftercare, Loss_of_Virginity, Underage_Sex, Bathing/Washing,
      Blood, Rape_Recovery, Knifeplay, Nightmares, Angst_with_a_Happy_Ending,
      Anal_Fingering, Alcohol, Kidnapping, Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional
      Hurt/Comfort, French-Speaking_Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin)
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-06-16 Words: 7347
****** Band-Aids Don't Fix Bullet Holes ******
by Dirade
Summary
     This is a story about one of the darkest days of Armin's life and how
     Levi tried to help him through it.
Notes
     Please, please read the tags for trigger warnings! I'll say here as
     well, huge trigger warning for rape! Please read cautiously. If you
     would like something tagged or felt I portrayed something
     inaccurately, I would be more than happy for you to tell me how I can
     fix it.
     Also, some other notes are that this is a platonic and purely
     innocent relationship between Levi and Armin. There may be a few
     hints at feelings but nothing more. The title is a line from Taylor
     Swift's "Bad Blood." Additive: this should go without saying, but I
     DO NOT condone rape or violence in any way. If you are suffering or
     have suffered from sexual abuse, you are not alone. Please reach out
     to people.
     This story does have a kinda happy ending though, so I hope that will
     make up for this load of angst. Happy reading, guys; stay safe ~
See the end of the work for more notes
Levi followed the screams of a young child through the dark streets, lit only
by scattered starlight. He ignored the way his instincts grabbed his shoulders
and tugged him back to the glowing shops and safety, telling him that whatever
was making that kid scream would attack him next. But he was part of the Survey
Corps now, he'd been trained to stifle his fear, although that very caution was
the only thing that had kept him alive all these years. A fine balancing act.
He stopped in front of a seemingly abandoned building, but the cries and
muffled laughter seeping from the windows and through the doorway said
otherwise.
Levi cracked the door open, peering inside the dark space, hand twitching,
craving the familiar feel of a cold metal sword.
All he saw was broken beams of wood and rusted metal bars, the floor littered
with broken glass and garbage. He looked closer; there were footprints in the
dust that caked the filthy floor, lots of them, leading to a door at the back
of the cavernous room that was silhouetted by gold that crept from the edges.
Making sure not to step on anything, the corporal padded across the floor,
wrinkling his nose at the gray that covered his formerly pristine boots. The
sounds grew louder, until Levi could hear jeers of encouragement.
He took a deep breath, readying himself for assault as he pushed the door open.
What he saw was not what he expected.
He'd steeled himself for a drug dealership, bags of money stolen from citizens,
perhaps a gun exchange, maybe even just a few drunk kids having a party, but
not this.
The room was well lit, lamps scattered around the floor and hanging from the
ceiling. It was filled with older men and women, many holding a filled glass in
their hands, the faint smell of alcohol making it obvious what they contained.
That wasn't what really caught his attention, though.
There was a slightly raised stage against the opposite wall, a simple, carved
chair and table on it.
On stage were three large men; a masked woman in a form fitting, floor length
red dress, holding a microphone; and a blonde teenage boy, nothing covering his
delicate body.
Levi gaped at the scene before him, taking a step down the stairs he'd hardly
noticed when he entered. Then he froze, scanning the room to see if anyone had
noticed him, but all faces were turned toward the stage, and those on the stage
did not seem interested in another spectator. He was wearing the standard
military white pants, button up shirt, and tan jacket emblazoned with the
Survey Corps insignia. Would they notice him if he walked into their midst in
that attire? He would appear the right age, but he doubted any military
personnel were present. He shrugged off his jacket, dropping it outside of the
occupied area, beside the door.
As he descended the steps, he cringed with each creak, but few turned to look
at him, and even when they did, they did not spare him a second glance. He
stayed a few steps from the main floor, so he could clearly see the stage above
the sea of heads.
Two of the men on stage were holding the boy, each gripping an arm. The boy
thrashed against them, his body twisting to no avail. He was screaming,
something that sounded like 'stop', but it was hard to understand from this
distance. Levi watched as the third man sunk a fist into the boy's stomach,
making the boy go limp, not knocked out, but leaning heavily on the men holding
him.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" The woman hollered into the microphone, flourishing a
hand through the air, her voice far too bright to fit the dank place. "I
welcome you once again to the one, the only, Gathering of the Sliced Lips!" She
gestured to the audience, a blinding smile cracking her face. "I know all you
lonely souls have been waiting for this event all week, and I proudly present
our newest member! Can I have a round of applause for this gorgeous youngster?"
The room erupted into into cheers, the ear shattering impact of palms
deafening. "Are you ready to see everything this boy's got?" Again, rancorous
voices flooded the place. "I think that's a yes! Well then, let's get started!"
Levi's lip curled in disgust as he watched the scene unfold. These people were
vile representations of the last of humanity. What was this? Some sick game
these dusty souls had created for their viewing pleasure.
The woman was speaking again. "What would you like to see him do first?" Levi
couldn't distinguish intelligible words from the crowd, but the response of
noise she'd procured seemed to please the lady. She turned toward the men,
nodding at them.
Twisted smiles warped the men's faces as they dragged the boy forward, turning
his body to face the crowd. Levi's hand drifted to his side, reaching for a
weapon he did not have. The men dragged the boy to the center of the stage,
facing him toward the crowd. The boy remained limp, his head hanging forward in
defeat, hair covering most of his face. The man who did not have a hold on the
boy slunk to his side, whispering something in the teen's ear. The boy visibly
stiffened, his eyes snapping up to meet the man's. The elder's lips curled into
a hideous, yellow toothed smile.
Again, the screams started, the panicked, strangled sounds coming from the boy
as he writhed against the hands tugging him toward the table, bending him over
it, backside facing the crowd. Levi had almost forgotten why he'd came here,
what he'd been looking for. But it was impossible to forget the fear in the
boy's eyes.
The man didn't even hesitate, shoving a finger inside the shaking boy's body.
Levi watched as the boy raised his chest off the table, hands pressing into the
wood, only to be pushed back down, one of the men taking ahold of his hair and
crushing his face into the table. The first man, seemingly the alpha of the
group, continued to twist his finger inside the boy, pulling out minimally,
then thrusting back in with harsh, short movements.
The child continued to squirm, jolting forward when another finger entered him,
the pressure of his hips making the table screech forward. The sharp cry that
emanated from him broke off into whimpers, the blonde's body convulsing in
spasms of pain at random intervals.
Levi's skin crawled, disgust bubbling up his throat in the form of bile. He
didn't want to watch this, but he couldn't tear his gaze away because he saw
himself in those fearful, sky hued eyes, and he could remember when he had been
that terrified, terrified someone would take something from him that he did not
yet truly own himself.
He heard the boy scream again, but his body was encased in stone, each muscle
drenched in rapidly freezing ice. "Stop." Levi murmured, eyes fixed on a
distant point only he could discern. "Stop..." His voice broke. No one spared
him a glance, too caught up in their malignant cacophony to notice him.
More screaming, and then a strangled sound as Levi watched the man wrap a hand
around the boy's throat, the pressure silencing him but for the whimpers Levi
imagined he could hear.
The boy shrieked, making the corporal's head snap up so fast he felt something
crack. They, whoever they were, had pulled the boy up by his shoulders and were
dragging his limp body to center stage. One man pulled the chair up, while the
other produced a phallic shaped object, a hideously bright green color, and
Levi felt his saliva turn to sand, because he knew, he knew what they were
going to do, he knew, he knew, he knew. "Hey!" The yell came out as a serrated
whisper, lacerating his throat as it came out. "Hey!" Again, he could hardly
speak, the sound of sore sickness replacing his voice. He doubted anyone would
hear him even if he was at his loudest, had a feeling they wouldn't hear him
until he screamed in terror because that was the only thing their brains were
hardwired to process once they'd entered this place.
Now the object was inside the boy, he saw the youngster flinch, his face hidden
by that curtain of golden flax he called hair. The first man shoved the boy
back onto the chair, and the blonde stiffened as the thing inside him was
pushed in further. The child was biting his lip now, as if trying to hold back
anymore noise. Levi watched with sick fascination as one of the man tied the
boy's hands behind the chair.
The first man stepped to the side just a bit, giving the crowd an uninhibited
view of the tortured being caught in this web of adultery. Then he pressed a
knife to the fragile boy's throat, saying something to him that made his
shockingly blue eyes widen, then squeeze shut as he shook his head. The man
didn't even look angry, the predictable emotion replaced by a abhorrent upward
twisting of lips, teeth that looked too sharp to be human the puzzle pieces
that clicked together in his mouth. Or maybe Levi was just imagining things.
The razor toothed man pressed the equally sharp knife into the boy's neck, but
the boy didn't flinch, raising his chin, even, in defiance. The blade pushed
deeper, and now the boy did flinch, a bead of ruby trickling down where the
metal met with skin. Again, the man spoke. This time the boy nodded, if only
barely. Then the boy mumbled something to the man and the elder nodded at one
of his cohorts, who stepped forward to shift the boy's hands, still tied, to
between his spine and the backing of the chair. Dainty hands pressed palms flat
into the chair, and the adolescent raised himself up, just barely, before
letting his body drop again, wincing. The man opened his mouth and although
Levi couldn't hear it, he knew it was an angry yell. The boy was shaking now,
so much that even Levi could tell from his far-off perch in the back of the
room. The minor raised himself again, higher this time, before crashing back
down, like his arms couldn't hold him. The knife was withdrawn.
Again and again he did it, pressing the thing farther inside himself, tears
glittering in his eyes before they spilled over, gushing rivers of surging salt
water, until Levi wondered how the boy wasn't unconscious with dehydration.
Then there was the blood. Contorted rivulets of it pouring down his porcelain
skin; so much blood and so much color, making his eyes hurt. An inhuman amount,
an animated brilliance of hue. So much of it.
The boy was glistening now, face and chest covered in iridescent tears, a
crimson blanket atop his lower half, dripping to the floor with the shine of
forbidden gems.
The fair-haired youth trembled, but moved no more, too tired and in too much
pain to continue. He shook his head, and Levi thought he heard the whisper of a
child's voice say 'I can't. I can't anymore.'
The man pressed the blade to the boy's neck again, but, again, the boy did not
flinch. Another bead of red slipped across the boy's skin, an ember dragon
curled around his throat. The man's lips moved soundlessly, lips a thin line.
The boy shook his head. The man's face contorted in anger, and he gestured at
one of his cohorts. The other man pulled a small rectangular remote from his
pocket, the same vile shade of green as the former object.
Levi knew what it was for, and he closed his eyes as the boy began to scream,
pressing a palm to his mouth, sickness rising in his throat. When he opened his
eyes again, the boy was writhing on the chair, teeth clamped firmly shut,
preventing further sound from escaping.
It wasn't quite noticeable from this far back, but Levi knew the disgusting toy
was now vibrating, and he watched as the settings went up, as the boy jerked
with each wave of pain.
Everything was a hazy blur after that. Levi watched through blank eyes, his
mind shutting down, denying the reality of the situation. When it was done, he
was sitting down on the steps, rubbing away tears he hadn't realized he'd
cried.
How weak he was. Wasn't he supposed to be Humanity's Strongest? But here he
was, useless and afraid because those people ... those people reminded him of
where he'd come from, of his own scared eyes and stolen innocence; it terrified
him, made him remember horrible childhood things, and he couldn't fight against
it; the past wasn't palpable enough to punch.
He stood shakily, numbly watching the people filter toward the right wall,
where there was a table set up that he hasn't noticed before. It was long,
covered in velvet, bright crimson cloth. There was an impressive array of food
and drink, and Levi began to stumble over, dully contemplating the fact that
someone might recognize him. He couldn't be bothered to care; after all, no one
would recognize Humanity's Strongest with red eyes and tear stained cheeks.
Most of these people probably hadn't glimpsed even a flash of those Wings of
Freedom. Vaguely, he realized the irony of that term in this of all places.
He took his line in the procession of patrons, walking languidly past the
dishes of sugared food dye and pungent, cherry-adorned alcohol.
What was he doing? Wasn't there something he came here for? He couldn't quite
remember.
Then he glimpsed the boy, huddled at the end of the table, knees drawn up and
handcuffed arms encircling his slender thighs. The gauzy veil of denial
vanished, and Levi felt something new rise in his chest, the same feeling he
got when facing down a titan; adrenalin, tinged with caution, the burning need
to take action, the unshakable resolve that permeated the marrow in his very
bones.
One of the men from onstage was standing next to the boy, talking to another
man. The first one nodded, grabbing a fistful of the kid's flaxen hair and
facing him toward the other man. The kid shook his head before he was kicked,
hard, in the ribcage. After that, he simply let the wandering hands maneuver
him through a blowjob, coughing when the man released in his throat. Levi
watched the youngling suck off two more men and one woman before he reached
him. By then Levi's hand was flexing in empty air, desperately searching for an
absent sword.
Then he was standing in front of the boy, so close to him it was almost
foreign, actually able to see those eyes and the way their pale sapphire hues
were averted to the ground.
He panicked. He didn't have time he had to get the boy out someone would notice
he had to act now what if the people saw him what if they tried to stop him he
had to save the boy he had to save the boy he had to save the boy he had to
save the boy.
Disregarding plan and thought, he grabbed the boy's wrist, staring directly
into his eyes. "Get up."
The boy pulled his wrist back violently, curling into a tighter ball, eyes
drowning in terror, locked with Levi's. Now the panic was evident in the boy,
his words flooding out in an anxious slur. "Y-you can't! He - he said ... you
can't put it inside! O-only b-blowing a-and ... he said you can't, you can't,
you can't ... N-not until after, you can't ... not i-inside, p-please d-don't
... " The pleas dissolved into sobs, the boy's abused body shaking like a leaf
in howling autumn wind.
"C'mon!" Levi yelled, emotion flooding over into his more tender, diplomatic
self to taint it red with fury. He roughly yanked the boy to his feet, ignoring
the yelp of pain and futile struggling. "We're leaving." He growled, grip
painfully tight on the boy's nearly breakable wrist. He pulled him forward,
heading toward the staircase that led to open air and freedom.
A yell rang out behind him. "Hey!" The voice got closer. "You have to buy him!"
A hand gripped Levi's shoulder, whirling him around. "You can't just -" Levi
broke his nose as he landed a blow, knocking the man to the ground.
"Like hell." He muttered, turning to the boy. "I'm here to help you, okay?"
More footsteps, thundering through the throngs of people. The boy didn't
respond, and Levi took the moment to knock out three more guards. No one came
any closer after that. "Let's go." He grabbed the boy's wrist again, tugging
forward, only to be met with resistance. Levi turned around, glaring at the
boy. He didn't have time for this shit. They needed to get out of here. Now.
"What? Do you want to stay here?" His voice was harsh.
The boy flinched, face covered in new tears. His other hand was gripping his
groin, desperately trying to preserve the obliterated modesty that clung to the
his shining skin. "I - I don't want everyone to see ... " He trailed off,
squeezing his eyes shut. "I know it's stupid, but -" His voice choked off, his
head hanging in shame.
Levi's face immediately softened, his grip loosening. After all the kid went
through, he could certainly see the reasoning behind it, be it perhaps a bit
irrational. "It's okay." He murmured, lowering himself just a bit and patting
the boy's shoulder. "Here." Quickly, he unbuttoned the top few buttons of his
shirt before pulling it over his head, not taking the time to unbutton it all,
knowing the clock was ticking. He slipped it over the boy's head, letting him
fit those twig-like arms through the overly long sleeves, the ends of the thin
white shirt reaching halfway down his thighs. Then he pulled his cravat off,
handing it to the boy. "Use this to wipe your face."
The boy was staring at his now bare chest, and Levi felt the burn of more
stares, scalding into his spine. Was this how the boy felt? No need to be
embarrassed, but ashamed nonetheless. Were they looking at the sculpted ropes
of muscle? Or the undulations of scars?
"We have to leave now, okay? We can't stay here." He spoke as if talking to an
infant, keeping his words soft and slow. The boy nodded, soaking up his tears
and runny nose with the cravat. Levi gripped his hand again, the smaller
appendage almost entirely encased in his own. He walked rapidly toward the
staircase, pulling the boy along and up the stairs. The entire time he was
practically glued to Levi's side, pressing closer whenever anyone came within a
ten foot radius.
They reached to top of the stairs, flooding light into the empty space beyond
when they opened the door. The boy didn't look back. Levi did.
He saw a horde of monsters.
 
Levi grabbed his jacket from the floor, dusting it off before handing it to the
boy. "You can wear this." He suddenly regretted having left his cape in his
room. The boy held the jacket in a white knuckled grip, seemingly at a loss for
what to do with it. Levi placed a hand on the boy's back, guiding him forward.
"Let's go."
The boy stumbled a few steps before stopping, clutching the jacket to his
chest. "S-sorry..." He mumbled brokenly, eyes trained on the concrete. "C-can
we just...just wait...? H-hurts..."
He scanned the boy up and down, blood caked legs to dirt streaked hair. New
blood was inching down his thighs, and Levi watched as red slowly soaked into
his shirt.
He lifted the boy up bridal style, cradling him in strong arms. The boy yelped,
from pain or surprise Levi wasn't sure, and his fingers skittered over Levi's
chest in panic. "Is this okay?"
The boy stilled, then nodded, adjusting the jacket over himself like a blanket
and looping his arms around the older man's neck, pulling at the short hair on
his scalp. He buried his face in Levi's chest, and the thought of possibly
mucus stained skin and bloodied hands didn't even occur to Levi.
They had traversed another two blocks when Levi realized the boy had released
his grip on him, instead staring at the jacket, tracing the Wings of Freedom.
Levi didn't say anything, just wondered what the boy was thinking; That the
Survey Corps were a waste of tax dollars, as so many thought? Or that they were
the brave few who were fighting for humanity?
They had walked another half block when the boy suddenly spoke, looking up at
Levi, voice monotone and blunt. "You're Levi."
Said man stopped short, frozen. When their eyes met, he swore he could see the
cogs turning inside that adolescent brain. "Yes." Levi answered finally. Had
the boy known this entire time?
They'd arrived at the place Levi was staying; a tall building with many
doorways in each hallway, each leading to a decently sized apartment. Levi's
apartment was on the first floor, first door on the left. It wasn't much, but
it was clean and warm. There were perks to being renowned hero. At least, he
was to some. He twisted his key and pushed the door open, automatically locking
it behind him.
The boy flinched. "D-don't lock the door!" He blurted, shrinking when Levi gave
him a quizzical look. "Please..." Levi supposed it was natural to want an
escape route after all the boy had been through. It made Levi feel safer
though, to have the door locked, naive as that was, like he was safe from the
people who wanted to steal him or kill him, or do what they had done to the
boy. He unlocked the door anyway, feeling the small body in his arm relax
marginally.
He headed to his bedroom, setting the boy down on the plush comforters of the
king bed. He turned around to get himself a shirt and get the boy a proper set
of clothes. He rifled through his drawers, pulling out a white cotton t-shirt
and another button down. "What kind of shirt do you-" He turned around only to
see the boy pressed against the headboard, as far away from Levi as possible,
gripping a pen from Levi's nightstand. "Oh..." Levi breathed, realizing his
mistake. Why did he take the kid to his bedroom? How stupid was he? He lowered
his hands, still clutching the shirts. He stepped forward, crouching down to
make himself less threatening. "I'm not going to do anything -"
"Don't come any closer!" The kid held the pen up, brandishing it like a weapon.
Levi froze, dropping the shirts and putting his hands up, showing they were
empty, before placing them behind his head. He fell to his knees, looking
imploringly at the now open-mouthed boy.
"I'm not going to hurt you." The boy was about to retort when Levi cut him off,
his unwavering gaze locked on the younger's. "Listen ... just listen to me for
a second. Then you can leave; you can do whatever you want. I won't stop you."
Levi waited for that to sink in before continuing. "There're lots of people in
the other apartments. This is an old building and the walls are thin. If I do
anything that makes you uncomfortable, scream as loud as you can and someone
will come. The door is still unlocked. Even if it wasn't, they have methods of
breaking down the door." Again, Levi paused. "There's a knife in my pocket."
The boy's eyes widened. "I'm going to give it to you. It's in a sheath, and
it's very important to me so please take care of it, okay?" The boy nodded,
still looking thoroughly bewildered.
Levi shifted his weight, his knees unused to the submissive pose. The boy
gripped the pen a little tighter, Levi noticed. He was impressed with the kid's
fighting spirit, the fact that he hadn't just surrendered as so many did.
"I'm going to stand up now. Is that okay?" The boy nodded. Levi stood. He moved
painfully slowly, removing one hand from his head. "I'm reaching into my
pocket. I'm pulling out my knife." He held it up for the boy's inspection. It
was indeed in a dark leather sheath, a corded hilt appearing from the top. "I'm
going to throw it to you. Are you ready?" The boy nodded, and Levi tossed the
knife on the bed, watching it bounce to rest about a foot away from the boy.
"Is that it?" The boy asked suspiciously, cautiously taking the knife, as if
fearful it would explode.
Levi shook his head, hands once again knotted in his own hair. "There're two
swords in the closet. They're very sharp, so be careful. There's also knives in
the kitchen. You can hide those things anywhere you want, as well as anything
else you think I might hurt you with." Once again, the boy nodded, his
expression somber. "I'm going to sit on the bed while you do that, okay?" Mute
acquiescence.
Levi waited, listening to the clatter of metal and shuffling of bare feet. The
boy walked back into the room, still grasping the knife. "I'm keeping this."
Levi nodded in consent, knowing that even if the boy was armed he could take
him down easily. But if it made the kid feel better, he was indifferent to it.
It was then that the acute sense of grime sunk in, and Levi shivered, aware of
the dirt and sweat that covered his skin, the blood and semen that streaked the
boy. He realized he was in his room, on his bed, and there was filth filth
filth everywhere.
"Do you want to take a bath?"
The boy visibly recoiled, making Levi raise a thin eyebrow.
"N-not with you!"
Levi rolled his eyes. "Take a shower then. I don't care. But you can't stay
like ... that." He finished disdainfully.
"Why?" The boy was glaring at him, challenging him.
"Because you're fucking filthy." He gestured at the boy, scanning him up and
down. "You can't tell me you don't want to clean yourself up."
The boy looked to the side, face flushing. "Well, yeah, but-"
"Then go take a bath. Lock the door, I really don't care, but I'm not letting
you walk around my house like that." The boy didn't protest, but he didn't move
either. "Clothes are in the dresser. Top drawer is shirts, then pants,
comfortable pants, last drawer is underwear and socks." The boy still didn't
move. "Do you want me to leave?" A nod.
Levi went to the kitchen, filling a kettle with water. He realized, distantly,
that the boy must still have his cravat, or that it had been dropped somewhere.
He set the water to boil. He sat in one of the two chairs at his small,
circular dining table, staring out the window, watching the moon slink across
the ebony expanse of sky.
He heard the bathroom door shut, and the steady pound of bath water into the
tub. He had half a mind to search for his weapons while the boy bathed, solely
out of curiosity, but he decided against it, not wanting to earn the boy's
distrust more than he already had. The kettle began to whistle, and Levi stood,
quickly removing it and turning the heat off. He grabbed two plain, white mugs
with thick handles, pouring in the hot water and preparing them both as
chamomile tea.
Just as he began to sip the scalding liquid, he heard a sharp yelp and a heavy
thump. He paused, waiting for some kind of confirmation, of what, he wasn't
sure. Nothing.
"Blondie?" Nothing.
He calmly placed the mugs on a tray, adding a cup of sugar and a cup of cream,
as well as two spoons. He balanced the tray on his forearm, walking over to to
the door and knocking loudly. "Blondie?" No answer. "Are you okay?" Again, no
answer. He waited. "I'm coming in."
"Hey! W-wait! I'm fine, it’s just - hey!" Levi ignored the boy's protests,
casually picking the lock with the end of a spoon. He pressed the door open,
setting into the humid room. Immediately he saw the boy, who was sitting
haphazardly on the floor, a white towel clutched to his chest and covering
himself. Levi could see fresh blood staining the boy's pale hair on the back of
his head, a thin line curling around his neck. The bathtub was full, the mirror
opaque with steam. There was a bit of water on the floor, which he assumed the
boy had slipped on. "Please leave." He mumbled, looking away with flushed
cheeks.
"I'm not leaving. You're going to hurt yourself again, and I'm not cleaning
blood off my bathroom floor."
"I can clean it myself, you don't need to stay here!"
Levi grit his teeth. This kid probably want even going to wash himself
correctly, and as much as he wanted to make this kid comfortable, he refused to
allow even a modicum of filth to defile his house. Levi placed the tray
carefully on the bathroom counter. "Get in the tub." Levi said sternly, turning
around to give the boy a little privacy. He heard an indignant sound, them a
soft grumble as the water lapped at the porcelain sides, adjusting to the
displaced mass. He turned back around, looking down at the boy. Stepping
forward, he reached over the boy to the bar of soap that was on the small shelf
that was embedded in the wall.
He sat down on the rug next to the tub, crossing his legs. He dipped the bar
into the water, realizing that the temperature was nearly blistering. Pink
tendrils spread through the water, also tinted with the grayed palette of dust.
Levi curled his lip in disgust, turning the water on and opening the valve to
drain the tub, so the water could circulate itself.
Lathering the soap in his hand, he tapped the boy's shoulder. "Turn around."
The boy obeyed, surprisingly complacent. The corporal rubbed the smooth soap in
ever widening circles across the boy's back, rubbing the suds into the pale
skin. Amazing, how flawless this boy was, save for the few bruises and reddened
bumps. Even when Levi passed over the tender spots, the boy didn't move,
unresponsive. "What's your name?" Levi asked quietly.
The boy didn't answer at first. Then, "Armin."
Levi nodded, even though he knew the boy, Armin, couldn't see it. He wanted to
say something, but he couldn't think of anything that didn't sound useless or
condescending. He'd never been very good with words. He grabbed a cup on the
side of the bathtub, used for this very purpose, dipping it in the water, and
pouring it over the boy's back, rinsing away the opalescent bubbles. He watched
the boy's muscles tense, becoming stiff under his hands. He rubbed a soothing
hand over his trapezius, kneading his thumbs into the thick muscle. The boy was
delicate, but not emaciated, which Levi was glad for. He wasn't fond of feeling
bones scrape under his hands. A low groan rumbled from the boy, his shoulders
slowly relaxing. Levi continued, trying to work out the knots of tension. It
seemed to be working well, until the boy, Armin, Levi reminded himself,
stiffened again, this time remaining rigid.
"Please stop."
Immediately, Levi did. He went back to washing Armin, keeping his face blank.
He washed the blonde's arms and neck, having him turn around where he could
wash his torso. Handing a washcloth to the younger, he stood up, telling him to
wash his face. He went over to the tea set he'd abandoned, putting a palm on
one of the mugs to gauge temperature. It was still surprisingly warm, probably
due to the high temperature of the room in general.
"I brought some camomile. You want sugar? Milk?" Levi poured a small amount of
milk in his own cup, stirring.
"Both, please."
Levi did so, leaving the spoon in Armin's drink. Walking back over, he sipped
from his mug, handing the other to the youth. "Tell me if you want more of
anything."
Armin nodded, accepting the drink. "Thank you." Once more, Levi was surprised
at the boy's compliance. Perhaps he was plotting a grand escape. He certainly
seemed intelligent enough to do so.
He waited a little longer, before turning to Armin. "We need to wash the lower
half of you."
"Okay."
Levi's jaw dropped. This kid never ceased to amaze.
"Okay." Levi repeated, still a bit dumbstruck.
Armin stood up, and the elder looked away, suddenly feeling like he'd intruded
on something, which was strange, given that he hadn't felt that way formerly.
He got over it soon enough, carefully setting his mug on the edge of the tub.
The boy turned around, facing the wall, sipping quietly from his tea.
Levi took to coating the blonde's lower back and back of his legs, across
creamy thighs and firm calves. He was hesitant to do anything more, but Armin
didn't seem to be retaliating. The water was a pale, translucent pink. "Turn."
The boy did, and Levi pointedly avoided looking at anything he wasn't supposed
to see. "Wash the rest of yourself." And by that he meant the parts that had
been invaded. He didn't know what the feeling was; something like disgust,
maybe. But that wasn't it. He didn't want to touch the boy. Why?
"You're not going to do it?" Armin asked curiously, watching the raven walk to
the sink.
Levi scoffed. "Fuck no." He devised an excuse, still sorting out his feelings.
"I've touched enough of your blood already. Who knows what you have."
Armin didn't answer. Levi waited for some witty remark, but it never came. Oh
... Oh.
Levi whirled back around, droplets of water flying from his fingertips. "I - I
didn't mean - "
The blonde was sitting in the water, taking tiny sips of the tea. He didn't
look at Levi, just stared into the murky water. He was completely still, but
tears were running down his face, dripping into his cup and the bathwater.
Levi stood, frozen. "I shouldn't have said that. I wasn't - "
"It's true."
The older man choked.
"There were a lot of people." The words were thick with barely contained
emotion. "I didn't know if they were checked. I - I didn't know them at all. I
could have anything. I-It's not like it m-matters anyway, right? Ha-" The
haunted laugh came out, strangled at the end.
"It's not your fault." Levi knelt down. Another hollow laugh. "It's never the
victim's fault."
A sickening smile spread across Armin's lips, horribly, frighteningly
incongruous to his childish features. "Maybe." Again, that short, blood-
chilling laugh. "Doesn't change the fact that I could have any number of
diseases. Doesn't change the fact that I lost my virginity to a bunch of
middle-aged men and a piece of plastic. Doesn't change anything." Tear stained
eyes looked pleadingly to Levi's. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether
I fought or not. It doesn't matter whether I wanted it or not." He continued
on, bluntly, but shakily. "It's not important. It doesn't affect anyone. It
doesn't change anything. I'm not important. No one's depending on me. It's not
a loss for anyone. No one's been hurt. So it doesn't matter.” He inhaled
deeply, breath trembling. “It doesn't matter."
Levi lost any words he had planned, staring dumbly, appalled. "That's not-"
Armin interrupted him. "I'll finish washing on my own. Please leave."
Levi felt a peculiar, foreign sense of fear. "Will you be okay?" Please don't
drown yourself in the bathtub.
"Yes."
And so Levi left, taking instead to tidying up the house and finishing his now
gelid tea.
 
A while later Levi had cleaned what he deemed a sufficient amount, and he now
sat on his bed, feeling the slightest bit uneasy. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps
the absence of his swords bothered him, but that wasn't quite it. He couldn't
place the apprehension. He hadn't felt that particular brand of fear in a long
time.
He took the pen on his bedside, beginning to doodle on his forearm. By the time
he'd finished a vine that traced his veins, crawling up his arm in thorny
twists, the boy had finished, and he heard the clank of porcelain in the
kitchen, assumedly the mug being placed in the sink.
The boy entered the room just as Levi was slowly placing the pen back down. He
didn't did anything, just stared Levi down with tightly pressed lips. Levi
stared back, unsure what he was supposed to do. Armin walked over slowly,
coming to perch at the foot of the bed like some exotic bird, his body ready to
take flight at the slightest noise. "I need somewhere to sleep." He finally
said.
"You can sleep on the bed," Levi offered, gesturing to the space next to him. A
wary look was thrown his way as the boy shuffled over, crossing his legs as he
sat next to Levi.
Levi looked him over, taking note of the satisfactorily gleaming hair and clean
skin. The boy had changed into dark sweatpants and a faded blue T-shirt Levi
wasn't aware he owned. The sheathed knife was slung around his waist, dangling
off a loose belt.
"I'm gonna take a shower," Levi finally said. "I'll be back."
 
An hour later Levi reentered the room, absently rubbing his head with a small
towel. He had changed into a white, sleeveless shirt, as well as loose, black
sweatpants that hung low on hips, revealing a sharp V outlining his hipbones.
Levi threw the towel in a laundry basket when he walked in. Armin was sitting
on the bed, fiddling with the knife. When Levi walked in he froze, glancing up
before putting the knife away. He studied Levi carefully for a few seconds,
before averting his gaze, a flush adding color to his face. "I ... I decided t-
that you can ... uh ... sleep on the bed. W-with me. I-If you want." Levi
looked at him quizzically, raising an eyebrow. The boy's eyes flickered up,
then back down. "I d-don't want to make you sleep on the couch just because you
chose to help me. A-and I ... t-trust you." The color of his cheeks deepened to
a mottled red, as if he'd been running.
Levi nodded, feeling something bloom in his chest. Pride. He felt honored,
something he hadn't felt even when he was enlisted in the Survey Corps. This
flood of emotion this boy was unlocking inside him was unnerving him. Levi
flicked off the light switch, padding over to flop onto the bed, staring
blankly at the ceiling. It occurred to that he should perhaps procure a
lightsource. He lit a candle, reaching across the boy to place it on the beside
table nearest the blonde.
"Do you need anything else?"
Armin shook his head, golden hair swaying to frame his face. Levi felt like he
should say something more, but the words wouldn't come, so he stayed silent.
 
Levi lay awake for a long while after that, his mind empty, yet overwhelmed,
the nothingness too much to process.
There was a rustling on the other side of the bed, and Levi was about to jump
to his feet when he realized the boy was probably just restless, and any sudden
movements would probably scare him.
He felt a cluster of blankets nudging against him, and he couldn't decide
whether to laugh or cry when he realized what the boy was doing. He was
creating a barrier between them, stuffing the middle of the bed with an
assortment of sheets and pillows.
Trust, the boy had said. 'I trust you.'
 
The next morning, Levi awoke to screams.
The same screams he'd followed through the darkness.
Armin was screaming.
Levi lurched to a sitting position, looking frantically around the room. Those
people must have come back, they must have taken Armin again; of course they
had, he'd left the door unlocked. Stupid, stupid, stupid -
But no; Armin was still here, tangling himself in the sheets and shaking. He
was still asleep. A nightmare.
Slowly, Levi crept from the sheets, reaching out a hand. He hesitated. Should
he abstain from touch, considering? He laid a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"NO!" Armin shrieked, jerking awake. "Stop!" His voice was rough, gritty claws
sinking into Levi's skin. "Get off! Leave me alone!" He writhed under Levi's
grip, breath coming in ragged, desperate clutches for air.
Levi cringed at the loud noise that rang in his sleep sensitive ears. He knew
someone was going to wake up from the noise, and while he'd told the boy to
seek comfort from that, he certainly wasn't ready to be arrested as a child
molester, and he was sure the boy wasn't prepared for that either. "Shhh!" Levi
hissed, wrestling the boy down and pinning him there, sitting on his legs. "Be
quiet! It was a nightmare, idiot. You're okay, you're safe, so shut the hell
up!"
Armin squirmed, eyes shut tightly, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.
"P-please let me go... I won't tell anyone, I swear! Please, please stop..."
Armin still wasn't fully awake, Levi realized. He was still trapped in some
dark eidolon. And Levi had lost his temper. He was just like those people he'd
'saved' Armin from. He'd held the boy down and yelled orders at him, commanded
him to be silent so none could find him. Bile rose in his throat. Disgusting.
He was disgusting.
He pulled away so they weren't in contact anymore and waited.
After a while the sobs turned to feeble hiccups, the thrashing of limbs turning
to light shakes. It was quiet, like the thick snow that perhaps heralded death.
Armin shifted, turning to face Levi. He was laying on his side, hands bundled
within the blankets.
"Sorry..." He whispered, staring up at Levi with wide, shimmering eyes. "Sorry.
I'm sorry." He burrowed his head in the sheets, voice muffled. "I'm really
sorry." He mumbled something unintelligible.
"What's that?"
The answer came as barely a whisper. "I want my parents..."
Levi felt his heart clench. "Mère est ici." He murmured, carding a hand through
Armin's hair. "Père est ici." He suspected Armin was crying again, judging by
the shake of his shoulders. Levi startled when the small boy crawled into his
lap, child-like. He latched onto the older male, tears wetting his shirt.
"Hush, petit frère. Je t'aime. Tu es sans danger maintenant. Shhhh..."
 
When at last Armin's eyes dried, Levi pried himself from the boy's clutches,
standing up. "I'm going to make breakfast," He announced. And so he did.
That morning they ate together, Levi smiling gently as the boy inhaled the food
with his renewed, ravenous appetite. He made sure to turn his face back into a
mask when Armin glanced at him, but he was quite sure the boy had already seen
the falter in his characteristically stoic countenance.
The sunrise crept through the window, blushes of orange and pink scattering
across the table. When he looked at Armin, he saw what the boy had surely once
been. Innocent. Carefree.The golden rays lit up his face and an effulgent
happiness radiated from his childlike smile.
And Armin looked (with that smile), felt (with those warm palms), and sounded
(a joyful laughter Levi had never heard before) happy.
And as they watched a new dawn flood the world, they linked hands, and Armin
was still smiling.
And Levi thought that perhaps they would be okay. Perhaps they would be
alright. Perhaps even better.
And what he knew for sure was that they'd get through it. And they would do it
together.
End Notes
     Whew! That was pretty heavy. I'm not sure I love how the ending was
     worded, so it may change later, but the core result will remain the
     same. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and feel free to tell me
     if there are any errors or inaccuracies.
     Stay safe, y'all ~
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