Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11846382.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      EXO_(Band), BLACKPINK_(Band), Super_Junior
  Relationship:
      Jennie_Kim/Park_Chanyeol, Byun_Baekhyun/Kim_Minseok_|_Xiumin
  Character:
      Jennie_Kim, Lee_Donghae, Byun_Baekhyun, Kim_Minseok_|_Xiumin, Park
      Chanyeol, Oh_Sehun, Park_Chaeyoung_|_Rosé, Kim_Jisoo_(BLACKPINK), Kim
      Ryeowook, etc_-_Character, Choi_Sooyoung
  Additional Tags:
      Eventual_Smut, Humor, Fluff, Angst, Step-parents, Domestic_verbal
      fighting, Scars, Chanyeol_is_such_a_puppy, Jennie_needs_hugs, Suicidal
      Thoughts, Mentions_of_Suicide, Angst_with_a_Happy_Ending, Happy_Ending,
      Death_Threats, Parents_split_up, Underage_Sex
  Series:
      Part 4 of Once_upon_a_time
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-08-19 Completed: 2018-02-25 Chapters: 6/6 Words: 26675
****** Baby don't cry, Stay ******
by SwedishFanFictionLover
Summary
     Jennie is in a battlefield between her parents and Chanyeol is her
     rendevouz.
Notes
     Soooooo I'm sorry this is one day late but I got sick and I struggled
     a lot writing this chapter. Many things got changed from how it
     originally was supposed to be like but I like it as it is now and
     feel like I can actually upload it xD
     I haven't personally been through how it feels to have their parents
     split, meet new people and start new families but this is my take on
     how Jennie deals and feels about it, I apologize before hand to
     anyone who feels like I don't portray it perfectly or maybe feels
     like I've being offensive to them, which I am truly not trying to be.
     With these things said, have a happy reading and I like always I
     apologize for any grammatical error or typos :)
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
                           (ö_ö) ( ö_ö)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)
 
 
I was conceived as a mistake by my parents who were fifteen at the time, my
father was a beta werewolf and my mother a human. He had not imprinted on her
as werewolves can only imprint once they’ve turned 20, some werewolves don’t
even meet their mates in some life cycles but they could still find love and
have families. My father’s love for mom was strong and true in every sense,
there wasn’t a reason for it not to be and my mom loved him back and neither
had the heart to take away a life so nine months later I was born into the
world as Jennie Kim.
 
In the beginning of my childhood album there were pictures of us as a happy
small family, my first steps or my first solid food and me bathing in the river
with dad.  Pictures of me and mum dressed up for festivities, me pouting when
dad and mom kissed and several more. From those pictures alone people would
think that our family was content and that my parents, albeit young, were
tackling on parenthood with ease and that they loved each other just as much as
before I came along.
 
                                     Lies.
 
Or not really lies, they loved each other, they truly did but as the days,
weeks, years became fewer in terms of my father’s impending twentieth birthday
my mother had doubts. Doubts about whether he would imprint on her or not,
while there were cases of a wolf recognizing their mate before reaching age of
imprinting it mostly concerned Guardian wolves even if there had been rare
instances of it happening to an ordinary werewolf. So the chance of his wolf
having chosen mom before the imprinting age was very slim and she knew it. I
knew it because I heard her talk about it with her friends, I knew it because I
felt it deep in my bones, my heart as I watched her kiss dad half-heartedly
when she had her downs or that she flinched and avoided hugging or touching
him.
 
I might’ve been small, under five but there were some things that children
remembered and could pick up on, things that adults might even overlook or
forget. I remembered nice things like how my dad always kissed mom on the lips
before my head when he joined us at breakfast, I remembered the first time I
got to eat ice cream and I watched my mom wipe away stray ice cream from my
dad’s chin. I remembered scary things, like how during the bad periods where a
new mug caused my mom and dad to yell at each other so loudly that even as I
ran outside I could still hear them yelling at each other. I remembered dad
flashing his fangs with deep growls at mom as her paranoid thoughts got too
much, I got scared off him after that and the fighting between them only
increased as the years went by.
 
My fingers wouldn’t be enough for all the times I’ve helped or cleaned up the
mess of their fight by myself, nicking my fingers on stray chine or glass that
mom or dad had thrown. My fingers wouldn’t be enough for the times that mom had
slammed the door shut to their bedroom or stupidly believing that the shower
would be enough to drown out her crying. My fingers wouldn’t be enough to count
the times I’ve seen my father half-shift, causing me to fear half-shifted
werewolves as my mind connected it to anger, barely contained and I was scared
of the day it would snap fully.
 
It didn’t stop me from playing with the other kids much but I’d rather do it
when they already shifted or in human form. If they did it half-way I would
turn my head or I would leave the place all together. Some kids found it funny,
enjoying how scared I got when they were half-shifted but they stopped it after
some time when Chanyeol found out about it. Chanyeol never told me how he made
them stop but he did and if he confronted them while doing so he never raised
his voice or got mean about it, he simply told them to stop as it was not nice
or he would tell his father Donghae who despite his soft looks could be as
stern and un-yielding as his control over earth. Knowing this the other kids
had run away but I knew from the dirty looks they had sent me that they would
just wait for moments where I was alone but at that moment as Chanyeol turned
around with his too-big ears that usually accompanied an too-big-grin but
instead had a concerned frown I didn’t find myself minding or fearing it as
much anymore.
 
Chanyeol, for some weird reason had always loved to stick to me. Even though he
were four years older than me he loved to play with me – or at least try to get
me to play with him while I usually turned him down – and whenever he wasn’t
being by Rosé’s side he loved to weasel his way into mine. Even as I did it a
la Kyungsoo style and usually pinched one of his big ears if he got too close
or too annoying. It never deterred him, if anything he started expecting it and
just smiled that big smile of his despite me pinching him or showing my
annoyance with him. Still, despite my cold attitude to him I cherished him, he
was really annoying at times with his cackling or joking he was also kind,
protective but not overbearing and it felt nice.
 
Chanyeol grew to become my safe haven, away from all the screams and crying at
my house and as if he knew why I demanded him to spend time with me at random
times of the day he just acted like his usual safe and for a few hours made me
forgot about the life I had at home. Whenever he couldn’t Sehun had noticed it,
how couldn’t he with being my neighbor and having wolf hearing and had also
begun to take me away from my home, blasting music to drown out their fighting
and just making me forgot for a moment.
 
  But those were just fleeting escapes and then the day came where the little
                   fragile bubble my family lived in burst.
                                        
I was seven, just having comeback from playing with Chanyeol who had been
begging me to come with him to the lake for a sand castle making competition
which had been fun admittedly even when he declared he should get a kiss for
saving me from a scary looking bug – instead of a kiss I had sweetly gave him
an elbow to his tummy, gently of course and he had gone overdramatic and played
dead until he laughed too much from me tickling him “back” to life. All in all
it had been a good day, when I got back home mom were doing the dishes and the
smell of a freshly baked cake wafted through the air. We were having a good
period in our house, it was nice and I enjoyed it while it lasted so I sat in
the living room after telling her I was back and were content to play with my
Black Cat action figure.
 
Dad came home, I greeted him with a grin that vanished with the grave look he
was sporting – leaving a cold, numb feeling traveling throughout my body as he
gave me a look of guilt before going into the kitchen. I stared after him,
expecting the crash of the plate my mom had been drying and then she started to
beg. Beg for it to be not true. Beg for him to not leave her. I flinched as her
voice raised higher and higher as did his as he begged for her to understand
but she wouldn’t have it as her worst fears had manifested despite him re-
assuring, promising her that he was sure he had no mate. Profanities were
thrown as daggers, shaking I got up on my feet clutching Black Cat as I walked
up to the doorway leading into the kitchen. Mom made a move to slap dad but he
caught her wrist and told her it would hurt her more than him and mom screamed
in anguish of his kindness when he had just broke every promise, every bit of
trust and love she had for him because despite everything he had found his mate
and it wasn’t her.
 
She started throwing the dishes or whatever came within her reach, dad trying
to get her to calm down as she yelled at him about everything that had haunted
her these past years and telling him to leave. Never noticing how I dropped
Black Cat as a knife sliced my cheek as it flew by, the glasses shattering
pierced my bare arms and legs which left a burning pain but I was too scared to
move. The hands that had come up to shield my face dropped as dad ran out with
an apology echoing in the room and mom who were about to throw a coffee mug
dropped it halfway as her legs gave out and she went down to the floor. Hands
slamming to the kitchen floor, she cried so much that no sound came out and I
stood there staring helplessly as my mother broke down. I didn’t like seeing
her cry, it made me start crying silently but when I begun to walk over to her
I stopped as a searing pain went through my foot and when I looked down I had
stepped on china.
 
Mom had looked up then, gasping in horror at the sight of me with cuts and my
foot. I was in shock as she got up on her feet to haul me up to her embrace.
The world blurred around me with how fast her human legs took her out of our
house to the healer’s cabin where Ryeowook took care of me immediately. He
patched me up to his best ability but told mom how there would most likely be
scars left behind causing her to sob even more and she cradled me to her as she
begged for forgiveness over and over again but I couldn’t say anything as I
just felt a numb, cold seep through me and I shut down.
 
The next few days happened so fast, mom declaring that she and I would go to
New Zeeland to live with my grandparents. Dad didn’t like it, they fought about
it a lot and I could just stare and manically go back to pet my Black Cat even
as Ryeowook and the High Alpha stepped between them fighting in order for them
to calm down and take caution to the fact that a child was in the room. In the
end my dad had crouched down to my level, asking me directly if I wanted to
stay with him or go with mom. I had blinked down at Black Cat, thinking about
it and felt a near panic building in me but it ebbed away as I looked over my
dad’s shoulder to see mom hiding her face in her hands, dragging them up and
down and my heart went out for her so I told him I wanted to be with mom.
 
Not adding the fact that I felt like I needed to watch over her, just like I
had always done – being there to hug her when she cried and helping around the
house if she had one of her bad periods and would just lie in bed staring out
at nothing. Dad had been visibly hurt by it but told me that he loved me, that
we would meet again soon and hugged me for a really long time and as I stared
at my mother over his shoulder who visibly relaxed with my decision I knew I
had done the right choice.
 
It all happened so fast, even if I had wanted to I couldn’t apologize to anyone
as mom wanted to leave as discretely as possible to avoid the stares and
murmurs of the pack members. In the middle of the night my mom had packed her
car with our suitcases, dad was there trying to hold back the tears as he
hugged me and told me we would meet again and that he would always love me. I
didn’t say anything back, I hadn’t said anything besides replying to him with
who I wanted to go with - I had gone mute, not wanting nor feeling like saying
anything. When he pulled away to reluctantly exchange a few words with mom
 
I had mindlessly looked around the village, hugging Black Cat to me that had
been a gift from Chanyeol on my birthday this past year. He was my most
treasured toy, it felt re-assuring that he was with me as everything was un-
safe and scary. Whenever Chanyeol had convinced me to play superheroes with
him, Chanyeol had always let me have Black Cat while he used Spiderman and we
could play for hours to no end like that, solving crimes and saving cities in
the forest or in his room where he had build houses of Lego. I had been happy
when he had decided to gift me Black Cat for my birthday, even going as far as
to kiss his cheek and enjoyed the way he had whooped with his fist to the air.
 
Ever since then there wasn’t a moment I had been without Black Cat, when my
parents fought I’d play with Black Cat and let him take me to a world beyond my
house. When my parents thought Black Cat was there to hug me when I cried in
the closet where the sound of them fighting wasn’t as loud. Black Cat was the
perfect excuse to ask if Chanyeol wanted to play since Spiderman was her
partner and she couldn’t fight without her partner. Black Cat let me be with
Chanyeol, even if Chanyeol was with me in the flesh or just in the soul. I
treasured Black Cat as much as I treasured Chanyeol, even if the eleven year
old didn’t know it.
 
I looked to the Park’s house and saw Chanyeol standing in the window of his
house. He looked shocked, sad and surprised me as he opened the window and
jumped out. Before I knew it his long legs – for an 11 year old – had taken him
across the distance to the parking lot of the pack.
 
“You… You’re leaving?” He asked, slightly panting as he stood there in his
pajamas. I nodded, hugging Black Cat tighter which he saw and looked to my
parents then at me. “Wait here, just a minute okay? Promise?” I nodded
reluctantly, confused as he ran back to his house and went back into his room.
“Honey, we need to go now.” Mom said tiredly, she was always tired now. I shook
my head side to side, refusing to budge until Chanyeol got back. “Jennie,
please or we’ll lose precious time.” I looked defiantly to Chanyeol’s house,
refusing to take even a step until he was back. Mom were probably about to say
something but I heard her stop as Chanyeol jumped out of his window and ran
back to me. He looked to my mom, smiling sadly before looking at me almost
shyly before he held out Spiderman to me.
“Black Cat can’t be without her partner, right? And since I can’t be with you
to make people stop being mean to you or play with you, Spiderman has promised
he’ll do that for me so I want you to take him with you.” I stared at
Spiderman, then up at Chanyeol who smiled and then I looked back to the toy and
with my heart beating I took Spiderman which made Chanyeol smile bigger but
then he looked surprised as I gave him Black Cat. “Jennie?”
“She’ll…” I coughed as my parents audibly gasped behind me, my voice raw with
the lack of usage these past days. “Black Cat will play with you so you don’t
need to nag at other people and she knows how to scratch your wolf after having
seen me do it so… I’ll look after Spiderman and you take care of Black Cat and
when I get back we can switch back and play again… Okay?” I said, looking up
hopefully at him as he looked down at Black Cat in his hands before looking at
me with warm eyes even as his face was put in a serious expression.
“I promise, I’ll wait for you to come back.” He vowed, making me smile and
before I could change my mind I want forward to hug him tightly. Pressing my
face into his tummy as he hugged me just as tightly back, we stood there for a
bit until mom said we had to go and I reluctantly pulled away from the hug.
“Bye.” I said simply, hugging Spiderman to me as I backed to mom.
“Bye, I’m going to miss you.” He said clutching Black Cat to his heart and I
simply smiled sadly at him before climbing up into the car and put on my
seatbelt. Dad came over to hug and kiss my forehead one last time before mom
put the key in the ignition and pulled away from the parking lot unto the dirt
road.
 
  I watched Chanyeol and dad become smaller and smaller in the review mirror
until I couldn’t see them anymore and as I curled up into a ball in the seat I
                        cried while holding Spiderman.
                                        
                                ｡゜ ( ｀ Д´ ) ゜｡
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     Home is where the heart is.
Chapter Notes
     Soooo finally an update, yay guys :D
     I'm warning you guys tho because this chapter will be filled with
     some angst :'( but with an happy ending, promise :D
     I don't really know what to say as I don't want to spoil too much so
     without further ado; I apologize for any grammatical errors and typos
     but hope you will enjoy this chapter anyways :)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                                    (⌐■_■)
 
Living with my grandparents were one of the best things that could happen to
me. When we got there my mom went into a period of depression, it was given and
I had just been waiting for her to have her down since she had been so hectic
and desperate to get away from dad, from the pack and from South Korea. But it
was okay, I had grandpa and grandma who took care of me and helped me feel at
home in their house. Grandma was part of the New Zeeland pack, she was a
werewolf while grandpa was a human like me and mom. It was weird to be part of
a new pack but also nice, even if we were in an entirely different country
there were things that were similar because the pack dynamics with Alpha/Beta/
Omega was the same just like how they had high Alpha. The children had been
curious about me, luckily I knew how to speak English because of my mom and
grandparents so I could talk with the other children yet I was too shy and a
bit careful with playing with them, more than content playing with Spiderman
instead by myself.
 
The transition of living on a life without dad around me had been scary since
everything was new and different, filled with longing for dad and Chanyeol and
Sehun and the rest of my friends. Guilt, I felt so much guilt as well for the
three months we had resided in New Zeeland. I felt guilty for being happy in
New Zeeland, of feeling safe and calm since I didn’t have to go home with a
hard tummy afraid that I could walk in on my parents fighting or being in a
house where I had to be prepared that a fight could ensure any moment. Sure, my
grandparents argued with mom over how I hadn’t gotten to contact dad but they
didn’t yell or scream or throw things. They just talked. It was nice. It was
better.
 
But it didn’t make me miss my father any less, I knew dad had tried to get in
contact with me and mom but mom refused to speak with him as of yet but my
grandparents must’ve gotten to her as well as me asking her every now and then
about how daddy was doing. Because one she came to my room, smiling as she saw
Spiderman in my arms and told me she’s been communicating with one of the pack
members who work at the post office in the town closest to our pack back home
in South Korea and that she and I would send letters to everyone back home. The
very next day Mom had helped me when we wrote our letters, she wrote one to my
uncle Kangin who were Minnie’s dad and to her friend Ryeowook while I wrote to
Dad, Chanyeol and one letter for all of my friends.
 
In my letter to dad I told him I was okay and missed him and that I mom was
taking care of me so he didn’t need to be worried. To Chanyeol I told him about
all the adventures me and Spiderman had gone on, about how Spiderman had missed
him and sometimes cried but I had comforted him – thinking it was okay with a
white lie seeing as the only one crying over Chanyeol had been me. I missed
Chanyeol’s smile and him nagging about wanting to play with me even when I
would playfully ignore him or tell him I didn’t want to play. It wasn’t the
same playing with the other children but it was okay and every month or so when
I got a letter from Chanyeol and my other friends back home it weren’t as hard
anymore, I felt happy that they hadn’t forgotten me and I was also relieved
that Chanyeol had taken care of Black Cat and that she and him went on
adventures too, and she missed me but he was there to make her smile again
which made me smile reading about it.
 
I didn’t get to see my dad until after half a year of writing letters back and
forth. At the airport I had ran for him, hugging him and refusing to let go
during the ride to the pack village and even less so when we were in my
grandparents house but eventually I had to because mom and dad had to talk
about grown up stuff. Grandma had taken me outside then to pick berries from
her garden, they were meant for dessert later but she didn’t get mad when I
took a few and put them in my mouth. A good while later I came back in my
parents looked calm, which relived me because even though I had tried to not
show grandma I had been afraid that they would fight as soon as they met or
were alone together. Instead they had requested me to sit on a chair, telling
me that they had decided that I were going to live with mommy while dad could
come and visit me when he had time and that during the whole summers I were
going to live with him. I didn’t really know what to think about it but I liked
being here so I didn’t really mind and if they didn’t fight anymore then I was
going to say yes to whatever they had to say.
 
The years went by, during those years my dad had gotten me two little brothers
named Jeongmin and Kwangmin that I loved to play with during the summers and
dad’s wife was really kind as well so I liked being there with them. Mom and
dad had become friends too ever since mom met George who had been visiting our
pack with his own from Holland, he had imprinted on mom. In the beginning mom
had been terrified of the rush of feelings but as he was her wolf he begun to
heal her from her insecurities of the past and she started smiling, laughing
more when he was around so I accepted him. Plus he loved the Spiderman movies
and series as well so I thought he was cool enough for my mom.
 
He had stayed in New Zeeland for my mom, living with us in our very own house
and I loved being there, really but… As I accepted George it was like mom
forgot about me every more of the day, then as she got pregnant with their new
child I started feeling left out – it made me feel very cold as mom started to
forget about me at times because of the baby in her belly and when I told her
about it she called me selfish before telling me I had to start standing on my
own legs. George noticed it as well, tried talking with mom about it but with
her hormones she got very emotional and loud and when I hid in my room cradling
Spiderman it almost felt like I was back in time whenever mom and dad used to
fight.
 
I hated it, I had always flinched whenever someone raised their voice or if the
dishes clinked a bit too much since it reminded me of all of the times my
parents fought and every morning when I woke up I saw the scars on my face, my
arms and chest which made me stop looking in the mirror for a while. Mom had
begun covering them when I was nine, I didn’t look into mirrors until mom had
covered up my scars. She did so until I turned twelve and could handle it on my
own, it’s not like she had time to do it anyway since she spent most of her
time fretting and cooing over my one year old baby sister.
 
It felt like mom had replaced me with my baby sister, I weren’t unused to the
feeling of not being wanted by mom. Even back when my parents were still
together, during her down periods she would ignore me and let me fend for
myself as long as dad didn’t find out. My grandparents, not even Chanyeol or
Sehun knew that I had heard mom cry and say that she wished I had never been
born when she thought she was alone. Because if I hadn’t been born there had
been nothing tying them together and perhaps they would’ve broken up normally.
I had been too small to understand what she had really said, I just knew I had
been bad without knowing why. But as she got accustomed to a life in New
Zeeland, even as she had her happy periods and helped me with writing letters
or playing dress up with me there were days when she would look at me weirdly.
She would eye my scars with a very sad, cold face when she thought I didn’t see
it and one day when I had been nine she had begun to put make up on my scars as
she couldn’t handle seeing them any longer. Then during her down periods I
could hear her sometimes when she talked about how I was a mistake to be born,
that she wouldn’t hurt half as much if I hadn’t been here and it hurt, a lot
and I tried to be less of trouble to her since then. I thought it would be
better when she had George but if anything it got worse, even more so when she
got pregnant and had my little sister Lily.
 
Every time I had to leave my dad, Chanyeol behind it got harder and harder. It
felt too empty when I were back in New Zeeland, I started longing for staying
with dad instead because when I got to New Zeeland I never came home. Because
of packs wars I hadn’t been able to visit my dad for two years and as mom and
George set me down one day when I was thirteen years old to tell me that George
wanted to move back home to Holland I took my chance. I told them how I wanted
to live with my dad instead, mom had gotten sad then angry over hearing it –
asking me if she weren’t enough and I could just stare at her with a blank
face, not wanting to say the truth that yes, she weren’t enough for me anymore
because she didn’t love me, not as much as Lily and I didn’t want to stay here
to see her look or say mean things to me more. George had talked to her that
evening while I played with Lily, despite she was the reason my mother had
turned away from me even more than before I loved my little sister as she was
very kind and bubbly and even if she saw my scars she would just pat them
carefully or even paint them with water paint with a sweet smile. I would miss
her but I didn’t want to live with mom anymore.
 
I was extremely thankful to George who had talked me mom over, called my dad
and arranged for everything. Mom didn’t talk to me anymore after I told her I
wanted to live with dad, it was almost nicer seeing as I didn’t want to hear
her say mean things if she had a bad day.  I spent my days until me leaving
with my grandparents, going to them as much as I could to cherish the time I
had left with them and I also played a lot with Lily. George, George had asked
me if my mom yelling at me that night when I told them I wanted to live with
dad was the first time she did so – I was afraid that he would leave her if I
said yes because even if mom hurt me I had been a mistake, I had been born and
made mom so sad because of it when my dad imprinted and I wanted her to be
happy so I had lied to him and said yes.
 
He had apologized on behalf of my mom, saying that she just said it because she
were going to miss me and I had smiled at him until he left and only then did I
go to my room, crying on my bed hugging the doll that was far too childish for
a girl my age but I didn’t care as I cried and told Spiderman my most hidden
feelings of rejection, self-loathe and the need I had for my mom’s love even
when I felt like I didn’t deserve it because of everything that had happened
and three sentences kept playing in my head like they always did concerning
mom;
 
                      I was the reason my mom was broken.
                                        
                                 She hates me.
                                        
                  I’m sorry for… for… being here… for living…
                                        
                                    (⌐■_■)
                                        
“Jen, watch out where you’re going.” I looked away from the forest to the
ground, barely able to avoid tripping over a branch if it hadn’t been for dad’s
warning.
 
We were on our way back from the airport, for the last distance away from the
pack, from home dad had made me hop off his back so we could walk and talk
together. Leaving mom at the airport had been a relief, she hadn’t told me she
would miss me or even that she was sorry for everything but I wouldn’t have
wanted to hear it in the first place since it would’ve been too late but still
it hurt that she hadn’t even said a word to me. That even in the end she hated
me which hurt hell of a lot, even more so that George who was my stepfather had
hugged me, told me he loved me and would miss me – showing me more affection
than my very own mother and Lily had cried when she watched me leave without
them, making me cry when I had sat down in my seat at the plane.  
 
“You’re awfully quiet, is something wrong?” I looked to dad, he looked worried.
He didn’t know anything about my mom had treated me all the years, I had never
told him as there was a part of me that stilled loved my mother and I was
convinced that I deserved the cold treatment I got from her so I never said
anything to anyone. And I wouldn’t start now.
“Just tired from the flight.” I replied, letting him pull me in for a side hug
as we continued walking and I were glad that even after two years with sparse
letters that dad had no qualms about showing me affection, of loving me still
and god only knew I needed to at least feel, to be re-assured that I still had
one parent that loved me.
“Well, I hope you can find some energy because your brothers have been going on
and on about how much they were going to play with you as soon as you got home.
Not even Seulgi have been able to calm them down their excitement.” He
chuckled, making me smile and I made an effort to put away the awful goodbye at
the airport in favor of the warm welcome that dad had just announced. “Not to
say Seulgi is even better, she says that it will be nice to finally have you
live permantly with us and that she will have someone to do girl things with.
Apparently painting her nails and watching romantic comedies with us boys
aren’t just the same.” He said with a playful pout, making me smile more
honestly than before.
“CHANYEOL, WAIT FOR ME!” My heart skipped a beat hearing the name as we finally
reached the village while holding my suitcases.
 
There was laughter in the air, murmur of the life of the village and I felt
almost nervous about meeting Chanyeol after such a long time. It had been two
years since I last saw him, I had changed over the years and become less chubby
even if my face was a bit round and I had even begun to develop breasts,
looking more like the woman I would be sure to grow up to be. I wonder how much
he had changed, if he had gotten taller than when I last saw him and if his
voice was as squeaky, light as before. As we walked into the village centre I
saw someone running towards us, fully naked and I felt a blush creeping up in
my cheeks – I could never get used to seeing someone nude even if I had spent
my whole life living in packs but that was not the only reason I blushed and
stopped walking.
 
Oh no, the major reason I stopped was because the person running towards me had
familiar giant ears, a grin too wide and young for someone his age and as the
very tall guy sniffed in the air as he ran with a confused face and only
noticed me too late I knew just who he was as our faces met before he crashed
into me. Making us both fall back to the ground, I groaned as my head throbbed
in pain and my eyes that had closed during the fall opened up to meet Alpha
yellow eyes of Chanyeol. His straight nose, plump lips with ears too big and
hair a half-curly mess that only added to just how shocked he was to be staring
down at me. Looking as if he was as in much disbelief as I was to having met
though I knew he was even more surprised than me since because of my sudden
move to dad he hadn’t really told the pack I would be moving back to him
permantly yet with the exception of High Alpha Leeteuk. 
 
“Well, he just fell for her.” I heard a voice, looking to the right to see a
boxy smiled, older boy grinning at us with an arm around a cat smirking guy of
the same age – Baekhyun and Jongdae.
“You sure aren’t wasting time getting hands on your little JenJen~” Jongdae
cooed, laughing with Baekhyun as they evidently had recognized me and went
happily back into their love of teasing me and Chanyeol as if we had crushes on
each other, which we didn’t as I had told them a dozen of times only to have
them deny my claims for a dozen of times.
“T-t-this isn’t-” Chanyeol stuttered, making me look at him in surprise as his
voice had gotten hell of a lot deeper than since I last saw him and he
nervously looked back down on me.
“Hi.” I said simply, smiling a little even if it felt awkward to be in such a
position but as he grinned back bashfully I didn’t mind it as much.
“Welcome home.” He returned the greeting and I thought to myself as I felt my
smile grew that he was completely right, I was home now that I was in the same
village with my dad and Chanyeol. And speaking of my dad;
“Pup, if you don’t get your butt as naked body off of my daughter I’ll
personally throw you off and into a barrel of mama Oh’s fish.” Dad said with a
sweet smile even as his voice sounded threatening and I blushed in
embarrassment as I had completely forgotten him.
 
Chanyeol had as well but no sooner than with the blink of an eye he was off of
me, hands raised into the air to prove his innocence as he was blushing red as
well. Dad helped me up, growled a bit at Chanyeol before with a arm around my
shoulders lead me away from the boys and began to apologize on behalf of
Chanyeol for crashing into me even if he should be better at noticing his
surroundings with the lessons my dad has given me. I only listened with half an
ear as I looked back over my shoulder to find Chanyeol staring at me with his
hands still in the air, only taking them down with an embarrassed face as I
giggled before looking forward to dad’s and Seulgi’s house that got closer and
closer and I let my head rest on my dad’s shoulder as I felt so relieved, so
happy to be back home.
 
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
Chapter End Notes
     So what do you think about Jennie's mom? What do you think about
     Jennie? Do you understand her or do you think she should've spoken up
     about her ill-treatment for her mom? And that meeting with Channie
     guys, not gonna lie I wish I was her ;3 <3 XD Let me know your
     thoughts in the comments down below :D
     Also I'm not sure when the next update will come seeing as uni begins
     again but I can promise you that it will come within two weeks time :
     D
     Until then, XOXO <3
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Summary
     Jennie's a lost girl but... Can Chanyeol help her find the way back?
Chapter Notes
     I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! QAQ I am so sorry for the very late
     update but I have been really busy with my university also I had to
     change a lot of the plot for this story since my characters have a
     life of their own but I like to think I like it better now so that's
     a plus ;)
     As always, I apologize beforehand for any grammar mistakes and typos
     ^^'
      
     Also, I strongly recomend you guys to listen to this song as it
     helped me write this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/
     watch?v=qbHWTkHLtew
      
     Please enjoy :3
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
                                        
”Jennie unnie!” Rosé whined in embarrassment as I pinched her cheeks while
cooing at her. But how could I resist? She was wearing a flowery bathing suit
with frills, her hair in two pigtails and let’s not forget duck swimming ring
around her waist. She was so cute, always had been and I was glad that despite
being twelve years old Rosé kept her innocent, sweet ways. “Jisoo unnie~” She
whined for help when I moved on to squishing her cheeks together.
“You’re on your own kid.” Jisoo said with a teasing smirk, laughing when Rosé
whined even more and I would’ve stopped on my own but before I could Sehun
appeared like the shining knight in armor I had noticed he had become for Rosé.
He pinched the back of my hands, making me hiss at the pain but I released
Rosé’s cheek all the same to rub away the sting on the back of my hands.
“Sehun oppa!” Rosé directed a relieved grin to the poker faced elder, who said
nothing but walked off and Rosé were quick to fall into step with him as they
went into the water to swim. I watched them with a fond smile before shaking my
head and went to sit down beside Jisoo.
 
Jisoo muttered something about puppy love before going back to reading
Twilight, it was nice that I could sit right next to her without feeling the
need to talk. It gave me a chance to just sit there and bask in the moment,
enjoying the calm but as I looked out over the lake my eyes focused on the dark
part of the lake where it was really deep. I was glad I had moved here in the
summer so I could get properly in touch with everyone, it had been easy to fit
right back in with everyone and the weeks that had gone by had finally taken us
to the last week of summer before school began. I had been happy, it had been
great but the very reason I had left George and my mom kept lingering in my
mind. Leaving a heavy feeling in my chest as I heard her telling me over and
over that I was a mistake in my head but then my little brothers or my friends
would un-knowingly distract me from them.
 
But things like Seulgi accidentally dropping china, Yifan losing his temper and
yelling at Baekhyun triggered me into panic attacks as I kept being brought
back to those moments when my mother would scream at me or the reason I had my
scars. Usually when they happened I would run for a place to hide, to force my
lungs to work and cried as I got scared of not being able to breathe properly.
In the beginning I had been scared but gotten through them, even if they left
me exhausted afterwards. Whenever my friends or family noticed my exhaustion or
puffy eyes I told them I had just slept badly – which wasn’t a lie as I would
get nightmares at times of my parents fighting or my mom yelling about how she
wanted to disown me or kill me.
 
Everyone believed me, they didn’t have any reason not to. Chanyeol even bought
it but I could tell the more it happened the more suspicious he was, I noticed
how I could feel him watch me at times or I would catch him in the act of
watching me and would usually blush when I caught him doing so, grinning at me
shyly and so I got the weird – uncomfortable? Happy? – notion that he might
just be looking at me like that because he might like me. Like, romantically
but it didn’t seem quite right. Yet I couldn’t say anything because if I did he
might ask and if he starts asking I might not be able to lie to him so he
doesn’t find out the real reason behind my night terrors or why I would
disappear at times only to come back with puffy eyes.
 
 But now, with everyone either playing in the water or play fighting in the
grass I was more or less left to my own thoughts and I hated it. I hated the
fact that my mind drifted off to where I didn’t want it to. I hated the way her
words made me feel, I hated how it felt like my scars burned even as they were
covered with makeup and I got the paranoid thought that everyone could see them
even though I logically knew they couldn’t.
 
I felt the panic growing in me as the noises seemed drowned out, as if I was
underwater and could hear the sounds above the surface while I was stuck under
water, drowning and letting it happen. I was so deep into my head that when I
heard a loud bang I for one moment was back in the kitchen so many years ago
and was nearly hit by whatever mom threw. With a scream I threw myself
backwards to avoid the cup but as I opened my eyes after closing them to make
sure no shards would get directly in my eyes I realized I wasn’t in the kitchen
but at the beach, a beach ball rolling away in the sand. I looked around
frantically, trying to control my rapid need of breath and flinched when a
shadow loomed over me.
 
“Sorry Jennie, Junmyun has a sucky aim.” Yixing said with a chuckle as he
picked up the ball with a dimpled grin that grew when Junmyun protested loudly.
“I… I-It’s okay.” I stuttered out, giving him what I hoped was a normal smile
and then got up on shaky legs as I needed to remove myself from here.
“You sure you’re okay? You look a bit pale.” Yixing frowned, reaching out to
steady me but I flinched away as he was just about to grab a part of my arm
which was covered with makeup and I was scared it might get off if he touched
it seeing as it wasn’t waterproofed. Yixing looked at me in shock and I
mentally chastised myself for being such an idiot.
“I don’t want to get wet.” I lied, backing away and swallowed nervously as I
saw Chanyeol looking at me with worried eyes a bit from Yixing. I knew I had
said the wrong thing as Chanyeol looked utterly confused, he if anyone knew how
much I normally loved being in the water and really had no qualms about getting
wet. “I- I gotta go, I just remembered dad needed help with my brothers today
and I’ve been gone far too long already so euhm… Bye.” Just like that I left
them all and felt a familiar pair of eyes glaring into my back until I was out
of sight.
 
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
 
Ever since the beach incident I noticed that Chanyeol were watching me even
more than previously which had my walls rise even further and more secure yet…
Yet there was a part of me that whispered to me, enchanted me at nights when I
couldn’t sleep or when I held unto a knife I had hid from dad and Seulgi. A
knife which showed my reflection in its gleaming metal, the promises of numbing
my pain if I just added another scar or too to my already damaged skin but
whenever I was even close to cutting myself I were reminded of Chanyeol’s
worried gaze and I would drop the knife with a choked cry of anguish.
 
The voice that whispered, the part of me I kept under-lock-and-key wanted
someone to see just how much I was hurting, struggling and fighting every day
to get out of bed. I wanted someone to notice just how manic I was about always
being covered and having makeup on. I wanted someone to see through my façade
and help me as I couldn’t find the courage to tell someone, to ask for help.
 
I was terrified of myself. I was terrified I would blow my cover and for
someone to discover the truth beneath my carefully crafted mask. I was
terrified over how much control my mom had off of me when she wasn’t even here.
But above all, I was terrified someone would discover the truth behind the mask
when it was too late and I would be found in a pool of my own blood. Because I
knew that if I began cutting my arm, even once…
 
       I wouldn’t stop until it would inventible be too late to save me.
 
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
“Yo, ice queen, do you melt in the summer?” I cracked open an eye, seeing Jisoo
huff then level Yuta Nakamoto with a cool gaze and a polite yet chilling smile.
Yuta was known for being pretty blunt and snarky, one of the things he loved
the most was ruffling Jisoo’s feather.
 
Something Jongin both loathed and approved of as while he hated that another
guy managed to get under her skin he was also glad that someone else got the
end of Jisoo’s beatings. But I knew it was more than that, being sixteen years
old and having lived two years with the pack now I had observed and come to the
conclusion that the two liked one another but neither of them had realized it.
I was glad they hadn’t and when I could I would distract Jisoo or Jongin when I
could if they started vocalizing that maybe they indeed felt something more, on
one hand I knew it was wrong to get in-between two people’s possible
relationship but on the other hand I didn’t want Jisoo and Jongin to go through
with what either of my parents had.
 
“Why? Are you scared someone will use the water and throw it on you to make you
melt? I’m sure the people of Oz would rejoice over such a feat.” Yuta snorted
amusedly then winked at her before leaving our table in the library. Joining
his friends once more as they had been on their way out of the library but Yuta
seemingly couldn’t resist a jab at Jisoo. Jisoo looked after him with a
wrinkled nose before going back to her math homework.
“So, you gonna ask him out?” I asked, bored out of my mind sitting in the
library studying – not that I had studied, more like I had caught some sleep
while Jisoo studied as I had yet another dream of my mother choking me to
death.
 
They had been gone for a while but come back with a vengeance as my mother had
for some reason started sending me letters for the first time since I moved to
South Korea. I hadn’t opened a single one, they were lying in a box underneath
my bed – hissing at me to open them but I refused to do so. I was partially
scared for what the content in them would be but even more angry, she hadn’t
talked nor written to me since my move and while I was scared off of her I was
more pissed at her for not caring for me like a mother should, like Seulgi did
and therefore I could care less what were in those letters.
 
Though the arrival of the letters had me grasping at my knife more often, being
even closer to cutting my wrists as the paranoia of what the letters may
contain and I was starting to get exhausted of my own mind, of hearing my
mother scream at me to die or the whispers every time I looked into a mirror
about how ugly I was because of my scars.
 
“Depends, are you going to talk to Chanyeol again?” I broke out of my thoughts,
feeling like I had gotten a whiplash because of Jisoo’s question. I looked to
her with guarded eyes, seeing her looking right back at me with a calm and
collected one.
“… No…” I replied after a moment of staring of each other but it didn’t deter
her.
“What even happened to you two? You were so close then a few days ago you
stopped talking and hanging with him and he turned into this sad wolf puppy.”
She gave me an inquiring look and I looked away. “Jennie, you know you can talk
to me right? I won’t be mad or anything.”
“I know it’s just…” I sighed and picked up my books to put them in my backpack.
“It’s just a me-thing but it will pass. I will go first, I wanted to go and
talk to our P.E teacher about my grade. See ya~” She smiled at me then went
back to her book and the moment I had walked past her my practiced smile
slipped right off of my face and I walked out of the library.
 
I walked mindlessly through the school hallways, not really lying about having
to talk with our P.E teacher but it was something that could’ve just as easily
been dealt with the next time we had class but I needed to get out of there.
When Jisoo were that kind, quiet and patient it made me want to open up to her
– which was great most of the time except when it came to my scars and
Chanyeol.
 
No one still knew why I avoided the topic of my mom, no one had yet to see past
my mask walls which were a feat by itself when living in a village of
werewolves but I had managed. There had been plenty of moments over the years
when I feared they would come to know the truth but they hadn’t. Then there was
Chanyeol, sweet, goofy Chanyeol that had been the one to discover my box of
letters from my mom and he had found one which was open – a letter I had opened
to read but didn’t even make it past the first sentence before I crumpled and
threw it away from me with a choked scream. He had evidently read it, looking
guilty and shocked once I returned from the bathroom to find him kneeling on
the floor with it in his hands along with my box opened beside him. I had
panicked and screamed at him, scared of what he might’ve found out – I told him
to get the hell out off of my room and away from me for reading the letter. He
had tried to talk to me but I had pushed him out of the house and slammed the
door in his face.
 
He had sent me countless of text messages and phone calls, I answered none and
kept to avoiding him at all costs and when I couldn’t I would just ignore him
and act as if I didn’t hear him call out for me or how he would stare at me
with a questioning gaze. I had been terrified that whatever my mother had
written in the letter would expose the true reason I had left her to live with
my dad and the reason behind my manic obsession with covering my scars from the
eyes of others. I had been terrified he would tell my dad or Seulgi but none of
them had said anything to me or acted out of the ordinary so I was safe to
assume they knew nothing.
 
I was more confused than angry now that the days had passed since I pushed him
out of my house, confused by  how he hadn’t told anyone – as far as I knew at
least – about the contents of the letter – which I hadn’t read, too afraid –
but more so how…. How relieved I felt that perhaps he knew, perhaps he knew how
to help me from myself and my dark thoughts then I felt terrified that if he
knew he would tell dad which would most likely have a go at my mother and I was
scared that if he did she would call me or come here and… And what? I didn’t
really know but I was more scared of the fact I didn’t know that if I did knew
or had an inkling to as what she would do.
 
“Jennie.” My eyes snapped up from the ground, I found myself standing in the
P.E hall and Chanyeol was standing in the middle of the basketball court
looking all sweaty and gross and… So unfailingly handsome that it did things to
my treacherous heart that had grown over the two years that I refused and
ignore vehemently as I did not want to end up as my cold, cruel mother in
anyway.  “Don’t run, please.” He pleaded and I blinked in surprise at just how
desperate, just how sad and scared Chanyeol was that I would do what I had done
over the days since that day I found him with a letter in his hands. I blame it
on the dark, sad and confused condition my heart and brain was in because of my
previous thoughts prior to my knowledge that I had ended up in the P.E hall but
I stood still.
 
Staring at Chanyeol with my carefully crafted mask of indifference, waiting for
him – always waiting for him, always wanting him to take the first step, always
wanting him to lead as I felt so lost in this world and I trusted him. Even now
that he had read my letter and possibly knew more than I would’ve liked I
trusted him, I… I had squished the want of telling him everything, of talking
to him about the letter because I trusted him, I knew he would know what to do
and what I should do to deal with my emotions, my scars – both physical and
mental – but I felt that I didn’t deserve it, my mother’s voice hissing in my
ear that I didn’t deserve a 1st condition series figure Chanyeol as I was
nothing but a ragdoll with too many stitches to be beautiful.
 
“You’re not running.” He sighed in relief as he approached me with slow,
careful step as if I was a skittish hare who would run at the slightest hint of
danger. He wasn’t incorrect.
“…Yet…” I said, hating myself for how hollow, how fragile my own voice sounded.
“I… I wanted to apologize for reading your letter, for opening the box…” He
said slowly, stopping to stand a bit from me and playing with the basketball in
his hands nervously. I watched him do it for a short while, my mind racing with
suggestions of what I should do or say and gathering the courage to ask the
thing I wanted the most until I did it.
“What… What did the letter say?” I asked, feeling so tired.
“… You don’t know?” He asked, visibly confused and at my silence his eyes
widened. “You don’t know.” I didn’t dare to look at this expressive face and
instead kept my gaze on the basketball. “But it was crumpled? I don’t get… None
of the others were open though… You really… I just… You really haven’t read any
of the letters, not even the crumpled one… And… And they’re all from your
mother… Why? Why haven’t you read them?” My lips became a thin line and I
turned to walk away from him but he got right in front of me with one big leap
of his long legs. “Jennie, why did you really come back here?”
“… What did the letter say?” I asked in a monotone tone, as the basketball he
had dropped in order to get in front of me bounced against the floor, echoing
the thumping of my heart. As the basketball rolled it was the only sound in the
P.E hall until it stopped.
“….. She wrote that…” He swallowed, looking as if he had swallowed a lemon and
I clutched tightly at my bag strap, tight enough for my knuckles to go white.
“She wrote that George had left her and taken your little sister with him and
that…”
“… She wanted me to die?” I guessed, looking directly into his eyes for the
first time since I stepped into the P.E hall, seeing just how confused, scared,
disgusted, angry Chanyeol were to even talk about it as his eyes were a furious
Alpha red.
“Jennie, the only reason I hadn’t gone to your dad with this is because I want
to hear from you why your mom would wish you dead.” He said and were about to
put his hand to my cheek but I flinched away as I was struck with the memory of
her slapping me hard enough for her nails to give me three tiny but visible
scars. “… Jennie, what the hell have you been hiding from us?“ He asked softly,
so lulling that this time when he want to pull me into a hug I didn’t flinch
and let his long, gangly but defined arms wrap around me in a safe embrace.
 
I stood there, motionlessly and the dark tunnel I had hid in trembled as small
star appeared by the other end off of it. The dark tunnel I had walked even
deeper to and away from the light, the dark tunnel where my mother’s voices
echoed so loudly it were still ringing in my ears when I was awake. I looked at
the star, it flickered and went out only to go back on every few seconds as I
had a choice to make. Either I could push Chanyeol, push the light away and
delve deeper into darkness and my mother’s hold or… Or I could walk towards the
light, I could attempt to break free from the hold she still had over me and
maybe I could dare to hope to stitch myself hole instead of hiding my open
wounds and slowly but surely drown from the blood of my open wounds.
 
“Let me in… Let me help… Please Jennie… I… I wasn’t there when… When you were
scared, when you were hurt… Spiderman didn’t do the greatest job perhaps but
I’m here now and I want to help you so please… Please Jennie tell me the truth,
tell me everything…”
 
I looked at the star, suddenly finding a Spiderman doll in my hands that had
been a surrogate figure for Chanyeol as a child. Spiderman who had been there
when I cried because of my mother, who had seen me at the worse whenever mom
would cross the line and get physical in my room where George wouldn’t hear or
see her. I heard the words of Chanyeol, the words echoing in the tunnel and
drowning out the toxic hisses of my mother and… And I began to ran, I ran
towards the light which grew bigger and bigger. Clawed hands tried to pull me
back, tried to make me fall but I violently shrugged them off and when china
started hitting my back I didn’t even flinch as I got so close to the light I
could feel it’s comforting warmth instead of the numb cold I had been in since
I left New Zeeland and as I finally reached the end of the tunnel the light
turned out to be a grand phoenix who looked at me with its blazing eyes. The
phoenix, the mythical bird born from ashes who beckoned me close with a wing of
fire that didn’t burn me as it curled around my back to pull me close and in
the light I noticed just how dirty I was with sot, grime that had formed words
my mom had hurled at me but as I came in contact with the phoenix they turned
to dust and scattered off of my skin and with a beautiful cry the phoenix made
the dark tunnel smaller and smaller and I… I…
 
My arms lifted themselves up, wrapping themselves around the sweaty body and I
didn’t care about the sweat as I hid my face in Chanyeol’s chest and started
sobbing as finally, finally someone knew… Finally someone had found me… Finally
I could be saved from myself…
 
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
                                        
                                    3RD POV
                                        
The woman stepped out of the airport and hailed for a taxi. Once she managed to
get one she went to sat in the backseat with her only luggage which was a
handbag.
 
“Address?” The taxi driver asked as he looked at her through the rearview
mirror. The woman paused as she had just opened the handbag, seemingly thinking
before she finally answered:
“Take me to the nearest hotel please, money is not an issue.” She then went
back to her handbag, rummaging through it.
“So, what brings you here?” The taxi driver asked pleasantly and as the woman
answered he found her smile beautiful.
“I’m here to visit my daughter, we fought the last time we saw each other but I
want to make things right now and fix things between us.” The woman smiled as
she found what she had been looking for, a picture no bigger than her hand that
she thumbed gently.
“That’s nice, I hope you’re successful.” The man wished her.
“As do I.” She smiled and thumbed the picture of a little girl who hugged her
Spiderman doll.
                                        
                                   (｡X‿‿X｡)
Chapter End Notes
     Soooooo Hi guys :D Sorry it's been so long but like I said I've been
     very busy with Uni but finally, after changing lot of the plot as
     well and the fact it got a bit calm with school work I managed to
     finally write this chapter.
     What do you guys think will happen? Who is the woman? Do you think
     Chanyeol will finally be able to help Jennie?
     btw, I'm thinking that it's currently early fall in the story, like
     around August so Chanyeol haven't turned 20 just yet so he can't
     imprint on her just yet and we don't really know how he feels for
     Jennie at the moment. Or do we? :3
     Please comment your thoughts or leave a kudos, it makes me very happy
     :D <3
     love you all <3
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     Life is a roller coaster and just when Jennie goes up from rock
     bottom she goes downhill fast.
Chapter Notes
     Look at the bottom AN for the info!
     But also, keep in mind English is not my first language so sorry for
     any grammar mistakes or typos ^^''
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
 
I brushed Black Cat’s white hair with a little brush that Chanyeol bought for
her – something he had admitted with pink cheeks but insisted he had done it as
a kid after I’ve left to make sure she was well looked after… And that Rosé had
also insisted that girl dolls needed to have their hair brushed at least three
times a day so Chanyeol being the good big brother he was decided to listen to
his sister, it was so cute I didn’t stop smiling for a solid minute before I
remembered exactly why I was sitting on Chanyeol’s bed waiting for him to be
done with his shower.
 
I didn’t feel scared per say, not nervous either I felt… I felt nothing yet
everything. I wanted to tell Chanyeol everything but I was also… Apprehensive
about how he would react once he knew everything but every time my mind
spiraled down into the dark bottomless pit the wings of the Phoenix embraced me
and reminded me that it was, in fact, Chanyeol that I was about to talk to, who
despite the distance I had created between us ever since I got back was still
the one person I trusted and cared for beyond everything. Just holding Black
Cat who was in a pristine condition just proved me right, to follow my gut.
 
My treacherous heart skipped a beat as the door opened and closed behind a
shitless Chanyeol who didn’t look bothered by his half-nakedness at all until
he caught me looking at his damp skin, his cheeks tinged pink and he chuckled
awkwardly and hurried over to his dresser to pull a tank top over his head then
a black hoodie. I averted my eyes before he could see that I had kept my eyes
on his lean but slightly muscled back and kept it on Black Cat even as I felt
the bed dip beside me as Chanyeol sat down beside me.
 
We were quiet, the tension hung in the air but I didn’t feel any pressure to
hurry up and speak and neither did Chanyeol hurry me to talk nor did he break
the silence himself. I appreciated it, it allowed me to gather my thoughts or
at least I thought I gathered my thoughts but I had already started talking and
I only noticed I had once I had to take a breath and lick my lips before
continuing. The words left my mouth, memories playing like a movie in my head
as I let my mouth expose every piece of my childhood – the fighting between my
parents, my mother’s cruel words, my time in Zeeland where I thought it’d be
fine but my mom got worse, how she hit me more times than George would ever
know or the really dark moments when she would tell me she wished I had died
that day in the kitchen where my parents broke up. How she wished a knife had
pierced my throat or any other vital organ so that she would be rid off of me.
 
Everything that only Spiderman had known became Chanyeol’s knowledge, every
toxic waste I had after my mom’s toxic words and hits on my body and I revealed
to how just how much I had fought to be normal and fit in here by making sure I
was covered and hiding my panic attacks as to… Because…
 
“I didn’t want… I didn’t want you all to freeze me out… To…. T-to does not want
me anymore either because I have nowhere else to go… I didn’t want…” My blurred
vision turned to Chanyeol but he had his head between his knees and his hands
in his unruly locks of dark hair. “I didn’t want you to find me disgusting b-
because of my scars or not want to be my friend anymore because I’m a messed
up, psycho, misfit, divorcee kid…” The tears fell but I didn’t sob, I didn’t
make a sound after the last words were spat out of my mouth, lips tingling as
if they truly were as toxic as I felt them be in my heart, in my head. “D-did
you know that I have a knife under my pillow that… That I had for when… For
when her voice would be too much and… I wouldn’t have the strength to push them
away anymore…” I didn’t know where that came from, I hadn’t planned to ever
tell him about the knife but all the same, it was out in the open. My dirty
little secret. Maybe it was so that I could see him finally look at me after I
had begun telling him everything. Maybe it was my subconscious screaming for
help, taking its chance now that I was vulnerable, my wall crumbled at my feet
and at the “phoenix’s” mercy to do as he pleased. There were no maybes as I
finally said the words I had wanted to get out for years but never could. “I…
Chanyeol… P-please save me… H-Help me… Make them stop…” I begged, voice small
and frail as if I had been sobbing, screaming for hours when in fact I had been
for nearly an hour but maybe it wasn’t the voice of the but the voice of the
little girl that had struggled to survive all the years throughout a limbo of
heaven and hell that was tipping more to hell. “Make them stop…” Chanyeol had
been crying too, his eyes a vibrant alpha golden as his wolf was close to the
surface and as I begged his face twisted in so many emotions that I couldn’t
comprehend how he was feeling until he pulled my shaking form into his embrace
– his tight hold nearly painful, his arms strained and stiff as if to control
his supernatural strength. “C-Chanyeol?” I gulped.
“Jennie.” I blinked confused but felt the breath go out of me as he spoke
further. “Your name is Jennie. Not psycho. Not Misfit. Jennie, you’re Jennie.
You call yourself a mess but I don’t you’re… You’re a fucking fighter.” He
pulled away then so that his resolute gold eyes could look right into my
shocked ones. “You’ve been through hell and back but you’re still here Jennie.
That doesn’t make you weak it makes you strong and that knife…” A fresh wave of
tears ran down his cheeks and he had to take a shuddering breath before he
continued and I felt so ashamed that I told him about that damned knife.
Ashamed that those thoughts had been circling around my head. “You had it but
you never used it…”
“I… There were times I wanted to… Just to relieve the pressure but I… I
couldn’t… Because if I started I… I don’t think I would stop…” I admitted,
shaking from withholding my sobs but couldn’t stop the near hysterical intake
of air. “Am I still strong or am I just a coward?”
“YOU’RE NOT A COWARD!” He growled and I jumped in his hold.  He breathed,
calming himself before he spoke much softer but never the less sincere. “You’re
not a coward… You’re Jennie fucking Kim and you chose to live time over time
and that means something! You know what it means?” I shook my head side to
side, desperately hanging on to every word that left his plush mouth. “It means
that you want to live, you want to fight that… That bitch and show her that
you’re bent, not fucking broken and if you need a little help you have me.”
That broke the dam as I wailed, tears spilling down my cheek and my chest
hurting from the powerful sobs as I hid in his chest. Let his warmth engulf me,
making me feel warmer than I had for years and I let myself take the comfort
that I never got as a little kid. “You got me, I’ve got you, I’ll help with
making everything okay, You’ll be fine, you’re going to get help and I’ll be
there with you every step of the way… I’ll fight with you, we’ll win this...”
Chanyeol said as he pressed kisses to the top of my head, his arms cradling me
to him and I believed him.
 
Chanyeol never made a promise he couldn’t keep and never had I trusted someone
       to keep that promise as much as when I decided to trust Chanyeol.
                                        
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
                                        
I’ll never get used to the way Chanyeol every so often casually notices my
scars whenever I hang out with him in just a t-shirt and no makeup. He doesn’t
look at me in pity or anger, rather fascination and awe and it does things to
my heart which I refuse to acknowledge but I do smile after I’ve pushed his
head away or steered him into a conversation about how he’s really the worst
dancer in the whole wide world. Which leads to him attempting to dance to prove
me wrong and we end up laughing as a pile on the floor of my living room while
the twins are still dancing? Dad looks at us with a fond look, the kind of
relieved and affectionate look he’s worn ever since I began to show signs of
improvement such as not wearing makeup inside of the house and the ability to
not having to cover up my limbs with a frantic need.
 
I had been scared to tell him but when Chanyeol took my hand in his, looking at
me with that look of ease and reassurance I had gathered my courage and told my
father everything I had told Chanyeol the night before. Dad had been shocked at
the severity of the situation and apologized profusely for not being there for
me when I had needed him and had failed to make me feel safe and loved. It had
been hard seeing my dad who was usually strong and reliable break down as much
as he had but it had also been sort of a relief that he felt so strongly about
it. It eased some of my doubts of him not loving me as much as I had hoped then
I felt guilty for doubting him. But once dad had gathered me in his embrace,
promised me I would get the help I needed and he was going to be there for me I
only had to look at Chanyeol’s soft smile to know that he would help dad help
me if needed and as such I let down my walls.
 
At first, going to the therapist had been all kinds of awkward and fear-
inducing as it could be but the more I went, the more I began to open up. One
week I spoke a sentence or two, small answers. The week after that I spoke
about my current everyday life. Then it progressed further and further, I went
down the rabbit hole of madness until I had told my therapist about everything.
There had been tears and snot, there had been yelling and whispers, there had
been a lot of bending but lots of healing and Chanyeol had been my rock through
it all. Whenever I had a particularly bad session he was there afterward with
ice cream and Marvel movie marathon. Whenever I had a good session he
celebrated it with me by taking me to Lotte world.
 
Nearly two months after having told Chanyeol, my dad, and Seulgi the truth and
gone to the therapist for weekly sessions I felt like my life was actually
going somewhere. And as I got out of the building where my therapist had her
office the very reason for it stood leaned against the lamppost. My heart rate
picked up at the sight of him in a flannel jacket, ripped jeans and boots. The
signature red hair of the Park family was untamed, unruly and fell into his
eyes so he whipped it back and once he did he stared right at me. His blank
face lit up with an ear-to-ear grin and he immediately stepped away from the
lamppost. It was unfair how good looking he was and once again I was struck by
the fact that I found him attractive when I knew I shouldn’t.
 
“Hey, how was today? Did she finally offer pot?” Despite the conflicting
emotions in my heart, I snorted in amusement. He and I had an on-going joke
about my therapist having pot seeing as the first time I walked in there I
could smell something sweet and earthy but no sign of any incense or anything
of the lake but she did have a weird looking grass plant that –despite the fact
we both knew how a cannabis plant looked like – was surely cannabis and that
the smell was from the pot she smoked. In the beginning, it had been created in
order for me to relax, to not think about the heavy discussions I had gone
through and Chanyeol throwing every crazy theory he had until I smiled. Now it
was routine but never the less welcomed.
“It was good and no but I’m starting to think she’s growing mushrooms.” I joked
and cursed myself for heating up when she put an arm around my shoulders and
pulled me close to him as we begun to walk down the busy street.
“Why? Did she go from a baby to a grown Italian man who loves to go down
pipes?” He asked in all seriousness if not for his sparkling eyes.
“Oh my god stop, you did not just say that.” I groaned and suppressed the laugh
that wanted get out.
“Hey! It was an honest question! You never know, like, maybe Super Mario is
actually real and based on a real Italian plumber who went into a parallel
universe and saves a princess from a lizard dictator?” He couldn’t keep the
straight face any longer as I gave him the most bewildered stare I could ever
muster and laughed with him so hard that tears came to my eyes.
“You’re so fucking weird.” I laughed even more as he pinched my cheeks gently
while “scolding” me for saying the word fuck.
 
 
As we stood by the crossing and waited for the green sign of GO to lit up we
talked about school, the assignments we had and when I was momentarily
distracted by his smile I felt a prickling sensation in my neck. It took me a
few seconds to acknowledge it but when I did it grew even stronger and my spine
grew cold as every bone in my being told me that someone was looking very
intently at me. I looked over my shoulder, eyes flitting over the people in the
street but no one was looking at me yet the sensation wouldn’t go away.
 
“Jennie? Is something wrong?” I looked around once more before I regrettably
resigned and smiled up at Chanyeol in – what I hoped – was a reassuring way.
“Yeah, it was just my imagination.”  I shrugged and when the sign went green I
took his hand and pulled him with me. “Come on Yoda, let’s get shopping so
we’ll be home before it turns dark,” I said and pushed the watched feeling
away.
                                        
 But if I had looked into the ally way more closely I would’ve seen the figure
 that looked at us until we were out of the side and only then did the figure
                              leave with a sigh.
                                        
                                   (｡X‿‿X｡)
                                        
I hurried outside of school, the hard knot in my tummy nearly making me vomit
from the sight of a girl kissing Chanyeol. I had been going to pick him up from
basketball practice so that we could go home together when I found him being
pulled into a kiss by one of the cheerleaders, it had hurt more than I wanted
to admit and disappeared like a bat from hell before I could see something
worse like… Like him returning the kiss. I had just walked through the gates of
the school and turned my head to the right as I felt the – sadly – familiar
feeling of eyes on me. But just like every other time I couldn’t find the
source off of it and it was beginning to aggravate as well as terrify me.
 
“Jennie, wait!” I sagged with relief as there were loud steps followed by an
arm slung around me. I looked up at the giant werewolf who immediately could
tell what had just occurred with one good look on me and lifted his head to
look around with a rare sneer and hard set eyes.
“Do you feel it still?” He asked as he looked around to see if anyone was
looking at us.
“No, it disappeared when you came.” I sighed and he growled then made me blush
as he hugged me tighter to his side. “C-Chanyeol!?”
“Well, you said it yourself, as soon as I appear it disappears so that means
I’ll just have to keep you close to me right?” He said with a wink that really
shouldn’t have made my heart flutter, I hated my heart. I scoffed at him and
when I looked at his lips I noticed the remains of lip gloss on them, silently
thinking he looked great with lip gloss but then the sight from earlier hit me
like a sledgehammer and I felt my face fall into a mask of careful
indifference. “Jennie, what’s- Oh, wait, I still got lip gloss on me?” He asked
surprised and did his best to wipe it off with his free hand, which I noticed
had remains of lip gloss already and it eased my heart. “Is it gone?” He asked
when he was done and I nodded, relieved to see the very reason for my nauseous
go away.
“Why did you have it?” I asked, fearing the answer and despite the voices in my
head screaming at me to get my act together and not do the mistake my mother
did I fell, even more, when he answered.
“Well… There’s girl in the cheerleading squad called Solar, she confessed to me
after basketball practice and pulled me in for a kiss before I got a chance to
answer her.” He looked so sad for her, compassion so very clear in his
expressive face. “I told her I didn’t feel the same way and apologized if I had
somehow given her the wrong signals. She got a bit sad so I made sure she was
okay before we parted ways and by the time I had finished comforting her I saw
the clock and realized you must be waiting for me and here I am.”
“You’re so kind, your mate is going to be very lucky.” The words tumbled out of
my mouth before I could stop them but it didn’t mean I meant them even less
though, even if the thought of him imprinting on someone else left a tight, icy
knot in my chest. He observed me, eyes sharp and I tried to calm my heart
knowing very well he could hear it and before he could ask me what’s wrong I
laughed and slapped his chest gently. “Don’t give me that look, you’ve been my
knight in shining armor for years so it’s about time you’ll be that for someone
else too. But your replacement will have a lot to live up to.” I said, trying
to sound happy and carefree and walked out from under his arm and down the
street. “Let’s go, I want to go shopping before we go ho-” I froze as his large
hand engulfed mine and his lips were right by my ear.
“Mate or no mate, I’ll always be your loyal knight.” He said into my ear, his
hot breath causing me to break out in pleasant shivers and my cheeks were not
only red from the cold air.
 
And as if he hadn’t just signed my doom for heartbreak he went ahead and pulled
me along, naturally leading me down the street and talked about the sports
store he wanted to visit to buy a basketball to have at home in the pack as if
he hadn’t said anything out of ordinary minutes ago.
 
 I didn’t know whether I was thankful for the normal act or devastated that he
                had made finally made a vow that was breakable.
                                        
                                   (｡X‿‿X｡)
                                        
Yet another month passes, that breakable vow forgotten as Halloween is coming
near and we have various assignments. I’m still going to the therapist weekly
and even though I knew I could I didn’t dare to ask her on what to do about my
feelings with Chanyeol as I knew it could either give me hope or blow out the
flicker in my heart and I didn’t know which one I wanted so I stayed quiet and
focused on my other improvements and areas of work. For one, I had finally
gathered courage and called George.
 
He had been surprised to hear from me even if he was obviously very glad I
finally had and I think he cried when I began to. It had been a very emotional
call but a needed one, it was nice to hear about how he and my little sister
was doing. I had been surprised when he said he had split from my mother when
she refused to deal with her psychological issues. They were together again now
as she was getting treated and better, he had been very careful as he spoke of
her and I wondered how much he knew now. Probably a whole lot more than when I
was living under his roof. I soon found out as he apologized for not being
there for me and not knowing what was going on under his own roof. But he was
only human or rather, only a werewolf. Even if he had superior senses my mother
and I hid our destructive relationship under lock and key, her nastiest
moment’s only coming out when George was away on pack business and when he was
home she was much more lenient than usual. He couldn’t have known and if he had
I know he would’ve stepped into protecting me so even if he apologized over and
over again I insisted I had forgiven him a long ago as the only one who really
needed to at least apologies was my mother.
 
From there on the emotional talk had moved on to talking about my sister and
lighter topics. When I had ended the call with a promise of keeping in touch
more frequently I felt like a boulder had left my shoulders though the news of
my mother actually getting treatment for psychology issues was weighing on my
mind. Had she been psychologically ill this whole time? For how long? Before
she met my dad or did he trigger them once he didn’t mate on her? So many
questions that only she would be able to answer but I wasn’t ready to reach out
and contact her. But… As I went into my room that night and took out the box
with all of her letters I came to a decision.
 
                                   (｡X‿‿X｡)
 
“Are you sure you’re ready? You don’t need to read them if you don’t want to or
aren’t ready.” Chanyeol said calmly, reassuring as we sat down on the log
around an open fire by the lake.
 
 
He had barely been able to keep his eyes open when I first knocked on his
window but once he saw the box he woke up instantly and had stared at me in
shock when I asked him to accompany me to the lake. Less than five minutes
later we were sitting by the open fire on logs, the box between my feet and
Chanyeol had leaned me his jacket as I had just walked out in a thin sweater,
my sweats, and boots. Chanyeol sat by my side in just a flannel shirt over a
tank, his boxer shorts swished for a pair of sweats but his feet were bare. He
was always so warm that I was wondering if he would end up with something akin
to fire as his powers as he was never cold if anything he was warmer than even
the overheated furnace system that werewolves were.
 
“I… I don’t think I’ll ever be ready but… I need to do it, to put my mind to
ease… Sorry for dragging you out here in the middle of the night…” I said
awkwardly but smile in relief when he snorted at the last thing I said before
ruffled my messy hair.
“You hardly dragged me but even if you had I would’ve gone willingly.” He
smiled from ear to ear. “I told you didn’t I? We’re in this together, even if
it means leaving my very comfy bed and nearly freezing to death to ensure
you’re warm and comfortable.” I rolled my eyes at his dramatic sass which made
him preen proudly.
“Just for that, I’ll keep this jacket for a week.” I stuck my tongue out at him
and he pouted at me little revenge.
 
The playful atmosphere disappeared as a log in the fire cracked loudly and
caused me to nudge the box between my feet. My smile dropped as I looked down
at it, hands shaking as I reached for the lid of Pandora’s box, barely not
being able to open it and thinking of just forgetting it all when one of
Chanyeol’s hand begun rubbing my back. Not saying anything but just silently
reminding me he’s there if needed. It was exactly what I needed in order to
open the box and I randomly took a letter to read.
 
I spent probably two hours reading all the letters through the years, it was…
It was interesting to see how much the letters changed through the years. That,
in the beginning, she threw slurs and death threats at me but over time the
letters came less but they transitioned into pleads of forgiveness and telling
me she had started to get help from a therapist. She wished to meet me and
talk, something that I had never dared to imagine and I crumbled that paper
into a ball.
 
It was an emotional roller coaster but Chanyeol was my seatmate and for every
tear, I shed there was a thumb to wipe it away. For every letter I threw into
the fire there was a hand rubbing my back. He was with me until every letter
was turning to ashes in the fire, the toxic waste and pleads for forgiveness
joining as one and being destroyed, determinate by my own hands and… And it
felt so good. I didn’t think it would make me feel so good but taking control
of something, taking her toxic words and her pleads into my own hands and
vanishing them from my sight like I had been trying to do with the thoughts
that had haunted me for years it felt like I was in control, I felt like I
truly was as strong as Chanyeol had said he thought I was and to get rid of the
last remains I had off of the woman who called herself my mother.
 
 That night I broke the chains that had tied me to hell but as Chanyeol hugged
 me I didn’t know whether I remained in hell or heaven as my treacherous heart
                                 sung for him.
                                        
                                   (｡X‿‿X｡)
                                        
“Chanyeol! Yah, get back here you idiot!”  I yelled at the gangly werewolf,
trying to sound mad even if I wanted to laugh at the goofball.
 
His excitement of going to the store which sold Halloween costumes, makeup and
every other thing one would need for Halloween was infectious. He had been
excited for a week for this excursion and he insisted that seeing as we were
best friends – the look on Baekhyun’s face when Chanyeol said it will forever
be one of my favorite memories, take that sucker! – we needed best friends
costumes. I had already turned down Mario and Luigi as well as Ash Ketchum and
Pikachu but found it difficult to not accept being the Cheshire Cat if he was
the Mad Hatter.
 
Chanyeol turned back to look at me right as I felt that horrible familiar
feeling of being watched but this time around as Chanyeol grew rigid there was
a careful hand on my arm. I almost didn’t turn around and I wished I hadn’t
when I saw who the owner of the hand was. She looked as young as one could
expect from someone who had children when she was still a teenager. But despite
the youthful, smooth skin there was an exhausted, matured beyond years kind of
deep in her eyes which were identical to mine.
 
“Jennie.” She said, voice breaking and she looked so happy but all I could feel
was cold dread and wary of the woman before me.
“You!” I said, unable to call her anything else.
 
 
    Before I stood me stood my demons, dressed like a daydream but truly a
                                  nightmare.
            Before I stood Pandora who unleashed chaos in my world.
                Before I stood my mother, I wanted to be gone.
                                        
                                   (｡X‿‿X｡)
Chapter End Notes
     Hi guys!!!
     It's been a very long time and I am so, so sorry for keeping you guys
     waiting for so long. Uni has been kicking my ass, literally - I've
     failed lots of exams and had to re-do them which took a lot of time
     and I am currently having my second practice run at a middle school,
     but luckily we had a vacation for a week so I finally sat down and
     wrote this chapter :D
     But the other reason as to why this is so late is because around
     Christmas when I was going to write this chapter as I finally got
     lots of free time the sad news reached me like a slap to the face,
     Shinee's Jonghyun had left this world to join the stars in heaven.
     Jonghyun was my bias in Shinee, I miss him a lot and all my
     condolences goes to his family and Shinee and all shawols around the
     world who are still grieving. Knowing he had undergone suicide and
     this story, this chapter, in particular, speaks about suicide/
     suicidal thoughts it didn't feel appropriate to post this chapter.
     But after two months have gone by I felt like I could post this
     finally. Rest in peace Jonghyun, you're missed <3 TTmTT
     To anyone out there who are in pain like how Jonghyun was, please
     talk to someone, anyone or go to a therapist who can help you. You're
     not alone and will be missed if you would decide to part from this
     world. I hope no one gets's defended by this chapter or this AN, it's
     not my intention to offend.
     I won't promise when I'll update next as I just have this weekend
     then the practice run (internship?) begins at school again so it will
     eat a lot of my time but I will try to get the next - possibly both -
     done by this Sunday or at the latest next weekend ^.^
     That was all I think, I love you guys a lot and hope you'll have a
     great weekend <3
     Love, SwedishFanFictionLover
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Summary
     We've come a long way from where we began
     Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
     When I see you again
Chapter Notes
     Warning! Talk of attempt or thoughts about suicide and child abuse.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                                   (｡X‿‿X｡)
                                        
 
”Jennie, please, I just want to talk!” She pleaded as I walked fast to Chanyeol
who stood frozen on his spot as he watched my mother hurry after me.
“Yeah? I don’t!” I spit out at her. I felt unsteady on my legs, they shook as
if they would collapse any second but I kept going as I needed to get away from
her, I needed to get to Chanyeol, he would keep me steady.
“Jennie, I can never take back the things I said and did to you but-”
“But what!?” I turned around sharply on my heel as I saw red, chest heaving
with the anger that pumped furiously through my veins. “What the hell do you
got to say that will make it better? That will make it okay? Fucking nothing,
that’s what!” I yelled, wanting to get in her face and yell at her for all the
pain she caused yet at the same time I wanted to flee from my tormentor. She
made a move to touch me and I flinched so violently backward that I would’ve
fallen unto my back if not for Chanyeol’s body appearing behind me and keeping
me steady with an arm around my waist. I slumped against him, feeling his chest
rumble with a deep growl and I heard him snap – I hoped – his human teeth at
the devil before me.
“Don’t you fucking touch her.” He warned as he steered me so that I was
partially hidden by his body and I noticed how he made himself stand even
taller to make her feel threatened.
“S-sorry, I won’t.” She vowed and I laughed bitterly because if she hadn’t
touched me, hadn’t slapped me or thrown words of acid at me I wouldn’t have to
live with the voices in my head or the call of the knife. “Jennie, I really
just want to talk, nothing more. I…. I know I don’t deserve it, I understand if
you never want anything to do with me after what I’ve done but I beg of you to
let us talk to one another. Let me do one thing as a good mother, you deserve
as much to get the truth and thousands upon thousands of apologies…” She begged
distraught, her voice frail and eyes shining with tears.
 
 
She looked desperate, as desperate as she had when she had begged my father to
 tell her it wasn’t the truth and that he hadn’t met his mate when he promised
 he would love and stay by her side. Her begging sent me back to that night in
  the infirmary years ago, as she begged for forgiveness for hurting me after
                       throwing the utensils and China.
                                        
        In the car to the airport where she begged me to stay with her.
                                        
 To the times she actually acted like a loving mother who taught me how to do
                                    makeup.
                                        
The kind mother who made sure I got a good birthday no matter how low cash she
                                     had.
                                        
The kind mother who had read me bedtime stories and checked for monsters under
   the bed even though she was the true monster who lurked beneath a mask of
                                   serenity.
                                        
The mother who after years of sending letters of hate began sending letters of
searing guilt and pleads with me reaching out so that she could do right by me.
                                        
“… There’s… There’s a café down the street, you will get five minutes and
Chanyeol will be by my side through it all. Got it?” I said before I truly
registered it in my mind.
 
I thought about what my therapist had said, about getting closure by telling
mom how much she had hurt me and cutting her out of my life if I wished to her
face. I thought about all the sleepless nights where I asked God and any
celestial being who listened why my mother hated me. I thought about the
little, sad girl inside of me who only ever wanted her mother’s love and
protection who desperately wanted to hear her out and find the mother we both
knew she could be.
 
  It would be fine because Chanyeol was by my side and he would keep me safe.
                                        
                                        
                                   (｡X‿‿X｡)
 
 
“I see that you’re not wearing any makeup.” She commented after a tension-
filled silence once we had gotten our beverages. I flinched, glaring at her and
felt my hands shaking.
“Yeah but no thanks to you.” I sneered which in turn made her flinch and her
face got guilt-stricken.
“S-sorry I didn’t mean it like that… Like how I would’ve meant it in the past I
just… I’m glad to see that you’re seemingly doing fine.” She said carefully and
I scoffed humorlessly.
“Fine? You think I’m doing fine? I’m doing better because I’m going to a
therapist to fix what you broke! For years I barely held on until Chanyeol made
me see sense and got me to talk with a professional. If he hadn’t… I would’ve…”
I swallowed down the thick gulp in my throat, closing my eyes to stop the tears
from running as she didn’t deserve my tears. Chanyeol’s had rubbed my back,
making me be able to breathe again and calm down enough to open my eyes after a
while to see my mother holding a hand to her mouth. Clearly having understood
what I would’ve said if my voice hadn’t given out.
“I’m so, so sorry… I’m sorry!” She pleaded over and over again like a broken
record and I couldn’t bear to look at her anymore.
“Apart from your apologies didn’t you have something else to tell us because if
you don’t we’ll leave now and you’ll stay away from us or I can’t promise your
safety,” Chanyeol stated in a cold, clipped tone directed to the woman before
me who seemingly cleared her throat and got a grip.
“S-sorry.” She apologized and with a deep sigh, she began. “The reason I came
her was partial because Jennie hadn’t responded to my last letters, which I
understand! I don’t even know if you had read any of them.” She sounded hopeful
that I hadn’t and as such I said with a monotone voice, staring blankly out of
the café window as I crushed that hope of hers.
“I did,” I said simply and in the reflection of the window I saw her deflate at
the admission.
“O-Oh… That’s… Oh god…” I nearly smiled at how much that fact gave her grief
but I didn’t. “W-well, then you know that I’ve been seeing a therapist… He… No,
let me begin from the beginning…” She took a deep breath then the minutes
turned into an hour as she spoke.
 
She told me about how in love she had been with my dad, a teenage romance which
turned into one of fear of rejection as she got pregnant with me. She didn’t
want to be a single mother but she wouldn’t be able to abort me either and she
got really scared when she had told my dad about it. She was relieved when he
got happy and wanted to stay with her still, to become a parent with her and he
was so sure that this was a sign that once he reached the final maturity he
would imprint on her. She was so sure of it, both were but then when he reached
the age he could imprint, he didn’t imprint on her yet he stayed with her as he
loved her and she loved him. But, as the months went by she grew more and more
paranoid, dreading and waiting for the day he would come home and say he had
found his mate. How she feared for him looking at any man or woman because they
could be his mate and with one look her life with my dad could be over.
 
I felt nauseous once she told me that whenever she looked at me during her
worst times of paranoia and instability and knew that if it hadn’t been for me
she would’ve ended their relationship that day when they discovered she wasn’t
his mate. She loved me, she did but the fear of losing her lover and some pack
members as well as outsiders where the outsiders constantly judged her for
being such a young mother while the pack members judged her for being stupid
for staying with a werewolf who hadn’t even imprinted on her and had a child
without being mated. All of it, the constant fear and being ridiculed caused
her to focus all those negative feelings and hate to the one thing that truly
tied her and my father together, me.
 
Every time she had hurt me she was extra kind afterward consciously, trying to
make up to me as the guilt ate her alive but it was a toxic circle of
repetition. She started taking out on dad as well, arguing and fighting with
him in our home as she grew crazy with paranoia and I could hear the phantom
yells and the sound of breaking china as she spoke. She had considered taking
her life to be rid of the pain and numb feeling that had seeped into every inch
of her being but found the will to live as well as the will to die depending on
the day whenever she was with me.
 
It all became too much and her breaking point was when my dad broke the last of
my mother by saying he had found his mate. She had lost it then, the last reign
of her sanity snapping and that dreadful night where I acquired my scars
occurred. She said it was as if she was behind a veil yet aware of her actions
but she had never meant to throw or for things to hit me, it was unfortunate.
 
                                 Unfortunate.
                                        
                              I wanted to laugh.
 
I listened in a daze about how the distance with my father made it better for
her and I remember how she had indeed gotten better with me despite being
closed off for months while letting my grandparents take care off of me. Then
she met George, finally, she had a mate and she fell deeper in love than she
had ever been with my father. But the aftermath of everything was still there,
whenever she looked at me she saw my father and was reminded of the years in
misery and she detested that I would always be a reminder. Bipolar and
borderline diseases which had always been there, dormant but coming to the
surface from the years of being together with my dad had caused mom to snap and
sadly nearly everything was directed at me.
 
When she gave birth to my little sister she said that she was so happy, happier
than she remembers being apart from the day she had given birth to me. Yet it
was as if she went into a trance where she focused all her love and adoration
to my sister whereas she couldn’t look at me, at my scars without being
reminded of the past and what she had done and she wanted me gone. With her
disease it caused her to think that it would be better if I had died, if she
had never given birth to me she would’ve never gotten sick and unstable.
 
                    She would’ve lived happily without me.
                                        
                                   It hurt.
 
That night when George had discovered she had hit me had been deliberate, the
last of her conscious thought – she had planned for him to discover because she
couldn’t control herself and let him orchestra me moving to my dad to be rid
off of me. She felt more at ease once I was gone, she loved George and my
little sister without being reminded of the past. At least in the beginning. As
time went by and George attempted to keep contact with me my mom had grown very
guilty, even more so when George berated her for never reaching out to me and
her disease caused me to become the villain yet again as no matter what she did
I would always be a reminder, a constant pain in her and she was so sick of it.
That’s when she began writing the letters, wanting to be rid of me and hate me
for “ruining” her marriage seeing as it caused her and George to drift apart
because of her hatred for me.
 
Eventually, George had it and made an ultimatum, either she got treatment or he
would take my little sister with him and leave my mom to live her unhealthy,
hateful life of self-misery and self-pity. I was reminded of the letter where
she had written George had left her but she told me they kept contact as she
forced herself to go into a psychiatric clinic. It took time, months before
they could fully diagnose her seeing as she had to be transferred until she
came to a clinic for people who were part of the supernatural society. There
she could finally get the treatment she needed and once she did, she realized
her mistake with me.
 
That’s when she began the letters telling me how much she regretted how she had
treated me, how she missed me and wanted another chance to be a mother, the
mother I should’ve had. She had given up hope of me answering so she stopped
writing after the last letter as she understood that she had burned all the
bridges.
 
                      Until I had called George that is.
                                        
“When I came home from a day after work he told me you had called him.” She
said, wringing her hands in the fabric of her coat. “It was the first contact
you had ever made, he was so happy and you’re little sister excited even if she
didn’t really understand how significant it was or who you were.” She smiled
softly and I couldn’t help but do the same, even if it was bitter when I
thought about the little sister I didn’t know anymore but missed. “After
discussing it with my therapist I decided to take a risk after so many years,
she told me to be cautious as we had no idea just what your therapy entailed
and if the sight of me would cause a setback for you. But I couldn’t waste more
time than I already had and as such, I took the first flight available and
traveled here.” She looked up and seemed surprised to find me looking right at
her but eased a little as she smiled, almost bashfully as she did. “I didn’t
know how to reach out though, it was a belated realization. I was far too
ashamed to call your father but I knew where the pack's children went to
school. So I went to your school but I didn’t see you, as I walked back to the
hotel however I saw you came out from a psychiatric clinic building and
Chanyeol put his arm around you.” She smiled wistfully, blinking away tears.
“Even if it had been years I knew it was you the moment I saw you, it was only
confirmed when I recognized those elf ears on Chanyeol. You two had always been
so close, I’m glad you still are.” She said with a genuine smile and now it was
my turn to blink away tears.
“Why didn’t you walk up to me?” I asked, hating how weak my voice was.
“I was scared, I was terrified of walking up to you and you wouldn’t even
recognize me or worse, you would reject me.” Tears ran down her cheeks as she
chuckled without any humor. “Which is to be expected after all the sins I’ve
committed towards you, so I settled on looking over you from afar and build up
the courage to approach you but as time went by it got even more difficult to
do so and I’m leaving in three weeks as I need to return to my job. With that
in mind, when I saw you walking down the street with Chanyeol ahead I just went
without thinking and pushed past the fear in order to do what I came here to do
before it was too late.” This time I didn’t flinch away as she hesitantly,
carefully reached over the table to put her frail hand on my scarred one,
softer than she had ever touched me as if I was chipped china that could
crumble at the lightest of pressure. “I can’t take back what I did or said but
I want you to know that I regret it all and that I don’t want you to hurt any
longer. You’re my daughter and I love you even if I don’t deserve to do so or
call you my daughter and I understand if you want nothing to do with me
anymore. If so, I’ll still make sure your sister will keep in touch with you
and get to know you, it’s the very least I can do.” She made a move to pull
away from her hand but I gripped it so strongly it surprised me as well but I
couldn’t let her go.
 
Not now. Not after I knew what I knew about her. One of the hardest things one
could do was forgive someone. I might never be able to forgive her but I could
understand. She was sick. Not having control of her body or mind. I knew it all
too well from my suicidal thoughts and complex of my scarred skin. Trapped in
memories. Trapped within my messed up mind. No way out. Failing. Until Chanyeol
allowed me to open up, helped me get help and finally, I was able to see the
light at the end of the tunnel. The bad and the good, it had been my mother and
as she sat her before me, vulnerable and open and barely looking at me because
of her own guilt I made the decision of getting to know the stranger before me.
The stranger who had visited me during my childhood with her kindness and love,
the stranger who could’ve been my mom if not for her mental instability and I
was weak. I was weak for wanting the love of the mother I never had. The mother
I had cried for even as the woman wearing her face had screamed profanities at
me.
 
    I wanted my mom and even if it came up to bite me in the ass there was
   Chanyeol’s constant, steady presence who would be there to bare teeth and
                             protect me if needed.
                                        
             I trusted him to help to keep me together if need be.
                                        
“No, the very least you owe me is trying to act like the mother we both know
you can be. I’m not letting you run away and be a coward, you’ll get to know
the current me that you’ve helped with creating and take responsibility for
your actions.” I sniffled as the tears ran down my cheeks. “Don’t push me away
or leave me again.” I pleaded. “Because even if you tried to break me you only
caused me to bent and I will show you that I’m stronger. But I can only do that
if you’re here to see it and if you talk to me.” I said and choked on a sob. “I
can’t call you mom yet, maybe not ever but I want to get to know you and I want
you to get to know me. Okay?”
“… I don’t deserve it…” She said, fat tears running down her cheeks and she had
difficulty breathing.
“You’re right so don’t fucking blew it, this is the one and only chance you’ll
get,” I warned and she nodded quickly.
“J-Jennie.” She sobbed and turned her hand in mine for a handshake. “My name is
Sooyoung and it’s very lovely to meet you.” She said and I put my head on the
table top as I sobbed my longs out while a hand rubbed my back and I knew that
it would be okay.
 
 
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
                                        
 
Chanyeol didn’t trust Sooyoung, he was wary off of her whenever I met with
Sooyoung as he was afraid she would hurt me again. He was so protective and
worried for me, he had even taken to scenting me before I left and whenever I
came back from an outing with Sooyoung. It was endearing. It was heartbreaking.
He was my rock as I got to know Sooyoung anew, even if it was a bit awkward and
very careful we really did get to know each other. On meds and seeing her
therapist few times a month she was a very decent human being, she was kind and
when she laughed I realized where I had the eye smile from. It was nice getting
to know her but I was cautious and told everything to Chanyeol after each
meeting. He had acted nonchalant when he said she was on probation for at least
5 years in his eyes but I knew he meant it and it reassured me endlessly. To
have him look out for me in case my head got lost in the pink clouds as I got
to know Sooyoung and make sure I always found my way back to earth, to him.
 
But it also made me realize how dependent I was off of him, how I had come to
care about and couldn’t imagine my life without him ever again. Those years in
New Zeeland away from him were enough for me to miss him for a lifetime and it
felt like I could never spend enough time with him in order for that feeling to
get away. He made me laugh. He made me feel safe. He made me feel comfortable.
He was my rock. He was my phoenix wolf. He was the man I had come to fall in
love with and it terrified me. I didn’t want to fall in love with a wolf, I
didn’t want to end up like Sooyoung even if it worked out for her in the end.
And as such, she was thereby the only person I could talk with about it since
she was a human and had overcome the pain after many years of treatment.
 
“Sooyoung, I… I’ve fallen in love with Chanyeol and I don’t know what to do…” I
said, barely a whisper as we sat side by side on a bench within the airport.
 
Chanyeol was outside of the building together with my dad, the two werewolves
not being able to stand all the different scents and noises in such a cramped
space. My dad had given mom the scolding of her life once she made herself
known to him as well by me and George’s insistence but once she had told him
what she told me he eased up a little and like me decided to give her one
single chance. So they were civil with each other and I hoped that they would
one day grow to be friends again like they had been before feelings and the
aftermath of those feelings happened.
 
“I know.” She said with a sigh and I looked at her in utter surprise and she
smiled indulgently. “You look at Chanyeol the same way I looked at your father,
adoration but masked cautiousness. Which is painful but wise.” She said and I
felt like I had been doused with a bucket of icy water because if she who had
only gotten to know me for a few days could tell did it mean that Chanyeol knew
too!? “Chanyeol knows, that sweet wolf is really good to you.”
“Oh my god.” I hid my face in my hands as I trembled in the anxiety of Chanyeol
knowing my feelings yet have still been there for me as the best friend he was.
“It’s needless to say but don’t make the same mistake as I did.” She said and
patted my back gently, making me look up at her and seeing her look
contemplative before she sighed. “It’s your choice though Jennie, if you decide
to have a romance with him even if it’s for a limited but before you even
attempt to make such a grave decision considering our past let me ask you
this.” I sat up straighter at the wise, old, weary tone she had as she looked
me right in the eye. “Are you sure you’re in love with him or are you in love
with the idea of him?”
“What?” I asked, utterly confused and shocked at that question.
“What I mean is, and don’t get me wrong because Chanyeol is a nice boy and it’s
good he’s keeping an eye on me for the time being, it makes me trust him to
look after you but make sure to not confuse your feelings for him with hero
worshipping.” She put a hand on mine, squeezing it. “You’ve told me he’s been
there for you ever since you got back, the two of you rekindling your
friendship and growing to be best of friends. You also told me how much of a
supporter he’s been ever since he discovered that letter, how he has made sure
you go to your scheduled meetings and giving you the time you need to heal.
Which is great, it’s great to have someone like that but don’t confuse the
gratefulness and dependency on him for love. It wouldn’t be fair to your nor
him if that were to be the case.” She explained even further, softly and
careful yet not staying away from the honesty and I appreciated it.
 
 
It was what I needed to hear. I knew if I had asked dad or even Seulgi about it
that the two would’ve encouraged me to be careful but follow my heart, but just
like how Sooyoung said I couldn’t trust my heart. My heart had been stomped on,
wrangled and had scars that would never go away but were soothed and cradle
with the warmth of the reliable, caring Chanyeol who would give up his tail if
it meant I would smile. I had loved him as a friend. But had that love grown
into just a deeper sense of friendship or to the romantic sense? Was it
dependency and safety or passion and the feeling of home that drove me to him?
I didn’t know but I knew for sure I would find out and for that, I was grateful
for Sooyoung’s honesty.
 
“Thank you, I needed that,” I told her, grateful and tears prickling my eyes as
she cupped my cheek with the scar, stroking it carefully and lovingly.
“Any time Jennie.” She vowed and for the first time in years, I trusted that
vow. The announcer talked about Sooyoung’s flight which would soon depart. The
two of us got up from the seat, Sooyoung looked hesitant so I closed the
distance between us to hug her briefly but meaningfully. She looked as if she
would cry from the hug managed to compose herself and gave me a watery smile.
“I’m only ever a call away from now on and when you’re ready, we can maybe see
if you can come and visit us or if I can bring George and your sister with me
the next time.”
“Sounds like a good plan.” I agreed and watched as she took hold of her
suitcases. “I’ll call you.”
“I’ll be looking forward to it, bye Jennie, take care of yourself and make sure
to dress warmly as it will get even colder soon.” She smiled widely at me and I
returned it.
“Likewise and make sure to say hi to George and the little one from me.” She
nodded and with a soft, whispered goodbye from me I watched her leave and get
lost in the crowd of people.
 
 
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
 
My conversation with Sooyoung replays inside of my head whenever I’m with
Chanyeol, as I try to decipher my feelings for him. It’s not as easy as I hoped
it would be but whether or not they’re out of romantic feelings or hero worship
I enjoy being in his company. He brings out the silly side of me, like when he
acted all confident during the basketball game but the minute he accidentally
cursed and said “shit” he had covered his hands embarrassedly and I had sat
there in the middle of the crowd giggling until my body ached. For a guy who
could take down five fully grown men without breaking out in sweat but swearing
in front of elders and he would blush red in embarrassment.
 
And for a guy who could literally shift into a big-as-a-horse wolf, he loved
his Scooby Doo costume with the excitement one would usually find in a kid. He
was currently trying to dance on the dance floor of Yuka Nakamoto’s house, grin
lethal and laughter contagious as he tried to get me to join him on the dance
floor. I had tried fighting him off all evening but with his pleading puppy
eyes I gave up with a roll of my eyes and let myself be dragged unto the
makeshift dance floor. I was dressed as Shaggy along with an awful wig but I
was not complaining because these were probably one of the most comfortable
party clothes I had ever worn. Why weren’t I born a guy with a passion for
hippie clothes?
 
Chanyeol wasn’t the best dancer out there but he didn’t care because dancing
for him was all about having fun and letting loose. I was naturally a bit more
reserved but as he made silly faces and gently pulled at my arms to get me
moving along the rhythm I forgot about my inhibitions and danced as if no one
was watching. My arms were covered with makeup because while I could be around
Chanyeol, my family, Jisoo, and Rosé without makeup I wasn’t ready to be
without makeup around other people, yet but I had a goal of going to school
without the maniacal need of covering up my skin by springtime. I let them up
into the air as I cheered along with Chanyeol who howled because someone had
put on the Monster High song Fright Song. Our bodies followed one another, he
leads me through the dancing masterly and obviously made sure no guy or girl
even thought about putting their hands on me which was sweet.
 
By the time we were walking through the woods on our way home, a bit behind of
the others I felt exhausted in a good way. My limbs were lethargic and tired
from hours of dancing, throat sore from cheering Chanyeol on as he had played
beer pong – even though human alcohol barely did anything to werewolves because
of their high metabolism – and tummy aching from the laughter. Overall it had
been a great Halloween party, I smiled when I thought about how Yuta had tried
to kiss Jisoo only to have Jongin intervening and kissing him instead.
Everybody had hollered, Jisoo had nearly died of laughter at the look on Yuta’s
face and high fived Jongin after their con.
 
“Jennie, I have a surprise for you so we won’t be going back to the pack.” I
whipped my head to Chanyeol, eyebrows raised but he just grinned mischievously
which in turn caused me to narrow my eyes at him.
“What have you planned Yoda?” I questioned but all the same, I allowed him to
steer me away from the others course.
“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told would it?” He sassed and I rolled my eyes
at him. “Guys! Jennie and I’ll be doing the thing I told you about, see you
tomorrow!”
“They know!?” I asked incredulously and gaped at Jisoo and Rosé who were
giggling towards us while waving goodbye whereas the guys hollered and made
wolf whistles. I flipped them all off and muttered under my breath about
assholes who kept secrets from me.
 
I was pleasantly surprised that Chanyeol had to lead me to the lake where a
tent had been set up. Smiling I sat down on a log and watched as Chanyeol got
the fire going. While he did I looked around, the lake sparkling from the stars
in the night sky and the air turning into smoke every time I took a breath as
it had turned very cold fast in a matter of weeks but we had yet to see any
snow so I wasn’t complaining.
 
My gaze went from the stars in the sky to the Phoenix before me, still wearing
his Scooby Doo costume but his Scooby Doo head had been placed in the tent so I
could see his face. His face was set into concentration as he tried to light
the firewood, brows furrowed. I followed the slope of his straight nose, his
soft looking lips and his unique, lovely elf looking ears that were nearly
hidden in his unruly, red hair. Even before I realized what I felt for Chanyeol
might be more than platonic I knew he was a very handsome man. He was soon to
be twenty, just weeks from now and would be able to imprint. I was sixteen.
Four years of the age difference but never did he make me feel like a little
kid nor did I think of him as an old guy. It certainly didn’t stop my heart
from fluttering whenever he smiled or when he did something clumsy.
 
As gazed at him I knew this was more than hero worship, my feelings were
genuine for him as they had been there since even before he helped me find
light in the tunnel only they had grown more intense as I let him inside my
shell.
 
                        Why did I allow this to happen?
 
“So, what now?” I asked and took off my wig, letting my hair loose after taking
it out of its braids and the hairpins. I put it all in the tent behind me
inside the Scooby Doo head so nothing would be lost. “Please tell me we’ll make
s’mores.”
“Eventually but you haven’t gotten the surprise yet.” He said cryptically and I
furrowed my eyebrows as he suddenly seemed nervous.
“I haven’t?” He swallowed thickly, wiping his hands on his costume once the
fire was blazing and sat down beside me but not before reaching for his guitar
in the tent. “What is it then?”
“A song… That I’ve written for you.” He admitted quietly and I wanted to blame
the fire for making it look as if his cheeks tinged pink. I certainly was going
to blame it on that if Chanyeol commented on my burning cheeks.
“What?” I said in surprise, blinking as he propped his leg up and tried out a
few chords.
“Jennie, I’ll sing for you.” He smiled nervously then began playing the guitar.
 
The melody was soft, nostalgic, warm and longing. When he began singing, I was
first struck by his raspy singing voice that Chanyeol had. Giving the kind of
warmth like hot chocolate gave on cold winter nights. But there was a rawness
in it as he sang and that’s when I truly listened to the words he sang and I
was transfixed with the melody he sang, the way the fire cast shadows and a
golden hue on his skin. My heart felt like it could bust as I realized that it
was not about what he was singing but the fact he sang it to me.
 
    Chanyeol was confessing his love to me and never had I ever experienced
                       something as bittersweet as that.
 
He looked me right in the eye as he sang, the vulnerable truth of his lyrics
reflection in his eyes which were alpha golden as he most likely couldn’t
control the intensity of his own feelings. Neither could I as I stared at him
with an aching heart, not being able to breathe and when he was done I wasn’t
aware I was crying before he wiped my cheeks with his thumb gently. Before he
pulled his hand away I took it in both my hands and cradled it to my face as I
cried. He put the guitar away before he pulled me to sit on his lap which I did
willingly, hiding my face in the crook of his neck and our arms wrapped around
one another tightly. I didn’t need to say that I loved him, he knew and he had
confessed to me and I couldn’t handle it. It was too much and not enough. It
sucked, it fucking sucked because we didn’t know if I was his imprint and we
could never be if we weren’t.
 
“Why? WHY!?” I wailed, hands curling into the fabric of his costume and he
hushed me soothingly even though he was crying just as badly.
“Because you confessed to me without knowing so it was only fair I confused to
you.” He sobbed and pressed a kiss to my temple.
“B-but… Imprinting?” I pulled away from his neck to look at him, hands lifting
to wipe away his own tears that made his golden eyes sparkle in the light of
the fire. “This… We’ll hurt each other and I don’t want that… I can’t… I can’t
be with you only to find out you’re not mine to have… Chanyeol… What will we
do?” I asked helplessly, breath hitching as he licked a stripe against my cheek
in pure affection and got rid of the tears. He nuzzled my other cheek as I
hiccupped, trying to gain control of my breathing but it was proving difficult
because even he had recuperated my feelings it was not meant to be if we were
to be torn apart on his birthday.
“Jennie, do you trust me?” He asked instead, leveling his steady gaze on me and
I didn’t even hesitate.
“Only you. Always you.” I vowed, sniffling.
“Then… we’ll do it like this… I’ll leave with the party that’s departing for
the Ringa Linga clan for negotiations in two days and I’ll be back by the time
my birthday has passed. When I return we’ll meet up here.” He pecked my nose.
“Whether you’re my mate or not I’ll always be by your side, you know what
right?” I pecked his nose in return.
“Ditto, you dork.” I smiled, chuckling with him and I could tell he wanted to
kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him but we restrained ourselves and settled
with hugging each other, hiding our faces in the crooks of our necks.
 
Two days later we sat in his room, per tradition I gave him Black Cat while he
gave me Spiderman with smiles that only he and I knew the true meaning off.
Once he had finished packing I followed him outside, families and friends were
saying goodbye and wishing the party a safe journey and a fruitful negotiation.
 
I stood by Chanyeol as he ruffled Rosé’s hair and promised her he would be
okay, kissing her on top of her head and giving his guitar to her so she could
keep it safe while he was gone. Rosé was crying, she had always been sensitive
and easy to tears whether she was happy or sad. Sehun offered Chanyeol a
monotone good luck before he pulled Rosé close and with a sigh began to comfort
her in his own awkward way. I saw his mother and father kiss his cheeks,
telling him to stay out of trouble and be careful if they met any strays or
enemies on their way. He made a scout sign with his fingers, grinning as they
rolled their eyes fondly at him and that’s when he turned to me.
 
His gaze fond, smile just on the edge of melancholy as he opened his arms and I
went into them willingly. I put my ear to his heart, hearing it pound beneath
me and knew my heart was beating at the same pace. I didn’t want to let go, I
wanted to live in the bubble of our feelings aligning and not having to worry
about whether I was his mate or not but that was not life. It was a wish and
wishes rarely come true.
 
“One month.” I love you.
“One month.” I love you too.
 
Then we parted, our hearts as one but growing further and further apart until I
  couldn’t see him and only Father Fate could bring them together if it were
                                 meant to be.
                                        
                                        
                                ｡゜ ( ｀ Д´ ) ゜｡
Chapter End Notes
     Hi guys!!!
     The song Chanyeol was singing to Jennie was EXO's song Sing for you:
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqaSboKBIuA
     What happened? The fuck if I know XD I was suddenly hit by
     inspiration and just like that, I had spent the whole day writing
     this and my fingers are aching fuck X'D
     but what did you think of Jennie's decision of getting to know
     Sooyoung? And what of Chanjen's confession? How do you guys feel? Do
     you need a tissue? Because I cried while writing this whole chapter,
     it was such an emotional rollercoaster for me and damn, this was the
     next-to-last chapter. It's been a long journey and I can't believe
     it's coming to an end nearly a year after. But I'll be emotional in
     the last chapter, for now, thanks for reading and have a nice day <3
     Love, SwedishFanFictionLover
***** Final chapter *****
Chapter Summary
     Once upon a time, there was a woman who found a Phoenix who was there
     for her, protecting her and they fell in love but the red string of
     fate had yet to show and if it didn't show they couldn't be together.
     And in this chapter, we'll see if Father Fate is smiling upon them.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for any grammatical errors or typos ^^'
     Also, this chapter contains consensual underage sex! If you want to
     skip it you should skip to the second ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) figure.
     Happy reading everyone!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
 
I ran as fast as my legs could take me, hoping I wasn’t too late. Berating
myself for being such a coward who had holed up in her room all day of the
return of their pack members because I was too scared to face Chanyeol and be
faced with the slap of reality that he wouldn’t be my mate. This past month
when he had been gone I had prepared myself for the rejection, for when he
would say I wasn’t his mate and in all ways considered I was ready logically
but my heart couldn’t bear it still and felt exposed, vulnerable and would
break anew if it ended up with him not being my mate.
 
 
                           I couldn’t deal with it.
                                        
                       I was too frightened to face it.
 
 
And as such I had hidden away in my room for the whole day, not talking to
anyone nor risking looking out the window in case he was there. I would’ve
probably stayed there too if my gaze hadn’t fallen upon Spiderman, reminding me
of his vow of always being there for me no matter what and Chanyeol never broke
his vows, so why would I break mine? What right did I have to do that? Was
there any excuse for it? No, no there wasn’t anything as such and it wouldn’t
be right to Chanyeol to not be there when he came there because even if he
didn’t end up being my mate he was still my best friend and he deserved as
much. We weren’t my parents but I would be damned if I made the same mistake as
them and continued in a relationship with a wolf that wasn’t mine.
 
 
I prayed to Artemis that I wouldn’t be too late, I hadn’t seen any of the party
being back yet but considering Chanyeol would be going to the lake he would be
there before the party got back to the village square. I forced my legs to move
faster, I ignored the burn of my legs and sent a little prayer that there
wouldn’t be a slippery spot that I would step on.
 
 
Artemis must’ve looked after me because I made it to the lake in one piece but
Chanyeol wasn’t there. I stood there, panting and forcing myself to remain
calm, to not run away from this once again but actually stay and take the bull
by its horns. The tent that was always present stood there, one day they would
turn it into a small cabin once they’ve found time to do so but either way, it
was enough for me. I made a fire and then sat in the tent with a blanket around
me, waiting for Father Fate to come knocking at my door and giving me the news.
 
I didn’t know how long I sat there, staring mindlessly into the flames as the
years went by the inside of my head like a movie with moments of Chanyeol and
me.
 
When we first met through Sehun and Chanyeol took an instant liking to me even
                          if I had to warm up to him.
                                        
  When we first played together after I finally let him into my walls and we
                     played with Black Cat and Spiderman.
                                        
When he for the first time took away my pain by giving me a kiss on my scraped
                                     knee.
                                        
      That day when we exchanged Black Cat and Spiderman the first time.
                                        
 That day when we were reunited. The day when he hugged me that day in the P.E
hall. The day I told him the truth about my scars and he stayed with me anyway.
                                        
         That night by the fire when I wanted to kiss him but didn’t.
                                        
 
 All of it came to this day where we would know whether to stay as friends or
                          start our lives as lovers.
                                        
                  And I wasn’t ready when I heard his steps.
                                        
I nearly didn’t go out of the tent when I heard the distant but surely closing
in steps of a wolf sprinting but with one deep breath and the thought of
Spiderman back in my room I threw away the blanket and got out of the tent. I
looked towards where the sound came from, not breathing as the russet colored
wolf came through the trees and shifted mid-sprint into Chanyeol. The tall male
ran until he stood all but a meter before me, chest heaving as if he had run
all the way home, maybe he had and it made my heart flutter despite the fact
that it felt too frightened too even beat in the silence that only consisted of
Chanyeol’s panting and the sound of the forest.
 
 
He didn’t look at me straight away but at the ground, composing himself and I
tried to do the same but I could never truly prepare for the chilling fear and
anticipation I felt as he suddenly looked right at me, meeting my eyes and… And
his eyes fell that into shock, a tear running down his cheek and I felt as if I
had been thrown into a lake in the winter with rocks weighing me down until I
reached the bottom and drowned in unbearable pain. I’m not his mate! I’m not
his mate! I’m not his mate!Replayed in my head, screeching and wheezing and I
felt as if I would black out from the searing ache but before I could even as
much fall down to my knees he stomped up to me and pulled me into his sweaty
chest making me freeze in shock. What’s going on!? Is he comforting me? He’s
being there for me still, just like he promised… Damn it… I wanted to cry but
were unable to do so.
 
              Until he said what I had wanted to hear for years.
                                        
   “Artemis, thank you for blessing me with Jennie as my mate, thank fucking
                                   goddess.”
                                        
It broke the dam and my tears flooded down my cheeks and I held him tightly
against me. He cried too, sniffling and body shuddering from the overbearing
elation that I felt myself in my very bones. Mine! He’s mine and I’m his! I’m
his mate, I’m his mate, I AM HIS MATE!I pulled away from his chest to find him
staring at me with the golden eyes of an alpha and nearly combusted from the
pure love and adoration that were directed at me.
 
“Hi mate.” He said with a grin, sniffling and I felt myself doing the same.
“Hi dork,” I said, making him release a sobbing laugh and I said what I had
wanted to do for months, years honestly. “I… I love you… I-I love you, I’ve
loved you for so long but I was scared you wouldn’t be mine but you are and I
can’t believe this is happening.”
“You better start believing it because I’m here to stay just like I promised,
I’ve loved you for so long and I can finally cherish you in the way that you’ve
always deserved. I love you so much Jennie, will you have me?”
“As if you even need to ask you, idiot!” I cried, laughing and felt sparks
travel throughout my body as he bent down and put his lips on mine. Nothing
could ever compare to the feeling of his lips on mine, it wasn’t fireworks or
an explosion but rather than calm, loyal flame that would burn for eons and
made me repeat the word home over and over again. When we parted for air it
didn’t feel enough, I needed more, I wanted more and I begun pulling him with
me towards the tent.
“Jennie?” He asked dazed, still woozy from the kiss and it made me smile and
peck his lips briefly.
“Chanyeol, I want you to make love to me, show me how to love someone and mark
me so that there won’t ever be a question where my home is,” I demanded,
sniffling and felt nervous as he sobered up and looked at me with a serious
look as he considered it all. I knew it wasn’t because he wouldn’t want me but
knowing Chanyeol he was probably more worried if I felt pressured from hearing
all the stories of mating or because of my past creeping up on me and making me
desperate to fully bond before I was ready just because I was desperate to feel
the void of belonging. “Chanyeol, it’s what I really want and not just because
of my parents or anyone else. I want to be connected to you because I love you
and I don’t want to wait even a single minute for the claiming.” I said
sincerely, he looked contemplative for a few seconds before he softened.
“Are you sure?” I nodded. “And if you change your mind, not feeling ready you
can stop me at any time and we’ll just cuddle, understood? I don’t want to hurt
you.” I nodded which made him pout. “Please say it out loud for my sake so I
know I’ve heard you agree to it.”
“I am sure and you would never hurt me,” I said with great conviction, knowing
full well that Chanyeol would rather gnaw off his own arm before he ever hurt
me in any way. “Claim me, alpha,” I said and smiled at the groan he let out.
“You’re going to be the death of me.” But before I could retort that he pulled
me in for a slow, gentle yet yearning kiss and we got into the tent without
breaking it.
 
                                  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
 
We kissed for what felt like an eternity, just kissing and holding each other
close without any hurry to move on to the next step. Simply enjoying the
simplicity yet sensational connection through kissing and making up for all the
kisses we had wanted to share but never dared to. I felt like I could never get
enough of kissing Chanyeol but as he carefully licked my lips I felt my core
burn with warmth as I parted them and let his tongue entangle with mine.
Neither of us had any experience with mating or even kissing, we were both
beginners but instead of being a turnoff or making us stop from the nerves it
made us more excited to learn together. I had read and seen enough books as
well as TV shows to know what mating entailed and trusted Chanyeol enough that
he would make our first time as pleasant as possible.
 
He was already naked from having to be in wolf form prior to coming to the lake
so we only had to divest me off of my clothes. But not before he broke our lip
lock to close the opening of the tent to shield me from the cold, not that I
needed it seeing as he was so warm, even warmer than usual and when asked he
told me his guardian power had been the Phoenix, the fire and I stared in awe
at the Guardian mark of a phoenix on his back in deep crimson with shades of
gold and amber to illuminate the tattoo. I laughed then, not being able to stop
myself at Father Fate’s twisted humor as I had always pictured Chanyeol as a
phoenix within my mind, always warm and inspiring me that even if I turned to
ashes from the world crumbling me down I could always be reborn from the ashes
and begin anew. Chanyeol had stared at me in utter, adorable confusion and
asked what had been so funny only for me to promise I would tell him later.
 
Sitting on our knees we helped with getting rid of my clothes, getting the
jacket, the jumper and the socks off didn’t cause me to get nervous but when I
caught the side of the tiny scars on my arms, on my foot I began to grow very
self-conscious. Even if I had been getting better and never felt the need to
hide my imperfections from Chanyeol I suddenly felt that I wasn’t good enough
for him, his skin smooth and tanned from the warm summers whereas mine was
littered with tiny and big scars. As if he knew he pecked my cheek for a
moment, right on my biggest scar of them all and I felt the tears running down
my cheeks silently. But it didn’t deter him the slightest as he left kisses
down my arms, on every scar I had and traveled the same way up again. His eyes
stayed golden, letting me know his wolf was very near the surface and they both
wanted me, they both loved me and were showing me that they loved me, with all
my little imperfections.
 
My fingers weaved into his red locks, watery eyes meeting his and we smiled
slowly at each other, not feeling the need to say what we both knew and rather
kissed once more. From there one for every article of clothing that left my
body, Chanyeol showered the exposed skin with kisses and caresses as light as a
feather that left a pleasant burn where they had just traveled. When I was left
with nothing, when I was just as naked as him we laid down on the soft
mattress. His body covered mine, shielding me from everything and making me
relax as the safety of it all enveloped me like a blanket.
 
Our sounds of pleasure broke the silence of the tent, my core beginning to
throb as he alternated with sucking and rolling my nipples between his fingers.
My hands caressed his lean but muscled body, scratching when a particularly
pleasured wave traveled from my core throughout my body and my eyes nearly
bugged out as his lips descended down my body, past my tummy until he was where
nobody else had ever been. That first tentative lick to my core had me gasping,
fingers clutching the comforter and I arched my back as he continued licking
and sucking on the tender flesh. I couldn’t breathe as it felt so good, I cried
out when he latched his lips unto that tiny little pearl which had my body
convulsing.
 
When I first reached orgasm I hadn’t been prepared, crying at the pure euphoria
that clouded my vision and my body trembling with aftershocks. I whimpered when
he growled, licking me clean before he put the first finger inside off of me.
It had felt odd, not hurtful but weird but as he tried and after a few tries
succeeded to rub my pearl while his finger pushed in and out of me it began to
feel really good again. It had been a long process of preparing me, the second
and third finger hurting me once he added them but he did it slowly and licked
and sucked on me pearl to make it more pleasurable.
 
When he after the fourth finger asked me if I was ready and if I still wanted
to go all the way I had nearly hit him out of frustration and want to see as I
had built up for an orgasm for a very long while but unable to come. He came up
to me again and I didn’t care that he had my release on his lips as I pulled
him in for a deep kiss. I didn’t mind the taste as much as I thought I would
and moaned when I felt his hard length leave a wet trail on my inner thigh, I
had seen it a lot of times when it was soft as for werewolves there weren’t
anything such as caring about nudity as it was a very natural state of being
for them because of them shifting a lot and couldn’t afford to destroy every
article of clothing they owned.
 
I was pleasantly surprised to see him procure a condom as I hadn’t thought
about protection at all but I was confused as to why he had it. Seeing my look
he had blushed and said that Baekhyun and Minseok frequently used the tent to
mate and had a stash of condoms laying around. Nodding I had stopped him from
tearing it, smiling shyly as I took it and torn it open instead. Then I did my
best to put it on his throbbing length, blushing at the deep growl of pleasure
he let out and because of my curiosity, I pumped him a few times after the
condom was on and felt myself grow wetter at the sight of Chanyeol at my mercy
from the pleasure. I made a note there and then that the next time I would
pleasure him but for now, I laid down and hooked my legs around him once he
laid down between my legs.
 
He looked me in the eye, asking me again if I was ready and with a kiss, to his
lips, I hummed in confirmation. I clutched at him when he got inside off of me
as it hurt a hell of a lot more than when he prepared me but I begged him to
keep going until he was fully inside and once he was he stayed perfectly still
in order to let me adjust. His chest rumbled in contentment, he nuzzled my
cheek and neck as he effectively scented me even more and the familiar gesture
made me relax even further.
 
The first time I moved we both groaned and with every slow but deep thrust the
pain gave way for pleasure and we kept at the prolonged pace as we built
towards the crescendo. We shared kisses and words of endearment, growls and
whimpers and my heart opening up for him and only him during our most private
and vulnerable joining. I couldn’t believe how weird yet pleasurable the
feeling of his knot growing felt inside of me, pressing against places which
caused the ball of pleasure in my stomach intensifying.
 
I writhed when the knot locked into place, he kept rocking into me and his
chest rubbed against mine, stimulating my nipples. When we reached the edge of
the orgasm he buried his head in the crook of my neck and when I begged him to
claim me I felt the incisors brush against my skin before they plunged deep. I
came with a scream, my vision giving out and his name on repeat through my
lips.
 
                                  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
 
When I came to Chanyeol was rumbling in contentment while licking my claim
mark, he had moved me so I was lying on him and I could feel that we were still
connected so I hadn’t been out long. He must’ve noticed I was awake because he
stopped licking my neck to lick my cheek instead before using his nose to tip
my head up so that I looked down at him. The dull throb in my neck, the
fullness of him in me and the soft gaze he sent me I was truly at home and safe
for once and for all in every single way.
 
“Thank you,” I said softly, not wanting to disrupt the atmosphere. He gave me
an adorable quirk of his lips as he furrowed his eyebrows slightly.
“For what?” He asked as his eyes fluttered closed when I bent down to kiss him
before parting once more to answer him.
“Honestly? Everything…” I could say so much more but I didn’t need to as
Chanyeol got it anyway.
“You never need to thank for something that should be given, you deserve every
bit of happiness I could give and I vow that from this night on I’ll always
keep you safe.” I sniffled and nuzzled my nose against his. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” And connected our lips one last time before we fell asleep in
each other’s arms.
 
 
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
 
“Daddy!” I looked up from my sketchbook of designs, seeing 8-year-old Johnny
running from where he had been playing with his toys to Chanyeol who picked him
up for a hug. I smiled as I watched my two boys catching up, letting them have
their moment before I made my way over to them and pulled Chanyeol down for a
sound kiss.
“Welcome home Channie.” I greeted, matching his wide grin and walking with him
back to the living room.
“It’s great to be back, I missed you.” He said as he sat down beside me on the
couch with Johnny in his lap.
“What about me?” Johnny asked making us chuckle.
“Of course I missed my favorite son.” Chanyeol cooed only to blink in surprise
as Johnny rolled his eyes.
“I’m your only son.” Johnny pointed out much to our great surprise and even if
I had tried I wouldn’t have been able to stop my laughter. Chanyeol did his
best though and pecked Johnny’s cheeks until the boy giggled and begged him to
stop.
“And it means I can love you even more,” Chanyeol told our boy who escaped
daddy’s love bug to play with Black Cat on the living room floor but we could
hear how he whispered to her about it being fine that Chanyeol kissed him
because you couldn’t get cooties from daddies. “How’s the design coming along?”
Chanyeol asked as he put an arm around me and pulled me close.
“Great actually, I think my client will be happy with it so that I can start
creating it.” I stroked his hair, enjoying the way he rumbled and slid down the
couch so he could rest his head on my chest. “How are you?”
“Jennie and Johnny deprived, I think I might recover with lots of cuddles and
kisses but we need to begin soon before it’s too late.” I rolled my eyes and
pushed his head away making him whine. “Are you sure you’re in your early
thirties?” I questioned and laughed when he sent me a betrayed puppy look.
“Mommy?” I looked at Johnny who walked up to me while carrying Black Cat. “When
does Ten come home? I miss him!”
“Lisa told me to tell you that Ten misses you too, he’s taking good care of
Spiderman and they’ll be back tomorrow.” Johnny cheered and danced around then
he said something about making Black Cat look nice for Spiderman and ran out of
the room. “Johnny is just like you when you were at that age,” I said in awe as
Chanyeol sat up properly and smiled at me.
“Hopelessly in-love with his best friend? Yeah, you’re right.” I blushed,
hiding a smile in his shoulder.
“Stop it!” I whined, smiling even more as he kissed the scar on my cheek.
“You’re such a dork.”
“Always and forever.” He cooed. “Just like my love for you is-” He laughed when
I tackled him down on the couch and begun to tickle attack him.
“You’re so cheesy!” I complained when I let up the tickle attack. “But wouldn’t
change it for anything in the world.”
“Good, because we’re not going anywhere, right Johnny?” I looked down at him
confused but then I shrieked as I was shot in the back with something wet. When
I turned around Johnny stood there with a water gun directed at me and he was
giggling.
“You’re our hostage mommy and we’re never letting you go!” He said cheerfully
making me and Chanyeol laugh.
“Oh no! Save me Black Cat!” I wailed dramatically and got off Chanyeol’s lap to
run away from my “captors”.
 
That afternoon as we played together with water guns and as I watched Chanyeol
going over strategies with Johnny on how to capture me, I realized I was truly
blessed to have him in my life as he gave me stability, safety, love and he
gave me a chance to create a family where instead of fearing of walking on
landmines that set off fighting we told each other when something was up and
resolved it. I had been nervous of becoming a mother, afraid that I would fuck
it up because I didn’t really know what it was like to have a good mother until
later on in my teenage years thanks to Seulgi but Chanyeol had steered and
supported me and reminded me that we were two in this and would raise our child
together.  
 
Years later we were still going strong and Johnny was living with a loving
family and felt fine. I felt accomplished every night when I tucked him into
bed and he went to dreamland with a smile on his face.
 
 
                                   (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
 
 
Once upon a time, there was a goddess named Artemis who blessed wolves with the
ability to transform into humans once they had lived long enough. These
creatures were later on called werewolves, they were her children and as her
children she expected them to live good and do good. Hence why she blessed some
werewolves with powers out of this world to perish those who spread chaos and
misery. The werewolves had compassion for humans, protecting those who couldn’t
protect themselves and as a reward for their good doings, she talked with Cupid
who blessed the werewolves with the ability of imprinting so that they could
find their Soulmates easier.
 
But Father Fate wasn’t bound to Artemis or Cupid, for all the red strings that
connected people there were knots they would need to overcome to find each
other and be with each other but he was just. Father Fate worked in mysterious
ways, he may give us hardships but in the end, if we hold on and fight with
every breath we take. If we find strength in those around us and take help when
needed he may just show mercy on us and lead us to find the person who’s your
other half.
                                        
                       Who completes and challenges you.
                                        
                          Who loves and supports you.
                                        
But most importantly is there for you whether life goes up and down and you’ll
      know you’ll be fine because you have that special person with you.
                                        
   Father Fate gave me hell but through that dark tunnel, I found the light.
                                        
  I nearly died in the ashes but Chanyeol helped me get a rise from the same
                                    ashes.
                                        
             Some have guardian angels, I have a guardian phoenix.
                                        
                       And we lived happily ever after.
                                        
                                   The end.
Chapter End Notes
     Guys, can you believe it? Once Upon A Time series has reached its end
     after nearly a year. I'm actually feeling pretty emotional and proud
     at the moment as it is the first series and project I've ever
     finished when it comes to fanfictions and your comments, kudos, and
     subscribers have really been a big part off of it. I'm so grateful to
     all of you, thank you guys for everything for being with me through
     this journey that had it's ups and downs when it came to updating.
     Thanks everyone <3
     Love, SwedishFanFictionLover
End Notes
     First chapter of the last story in the series TTATT It feels
     bittersweet somehow, this whole series has meant a lot to me and
     helped me find what kind of author I am and how I work in the best
     way for myself. And Jennie's story is a bit of a catylasator to all
     the other stories, I hope you guys can find the hints in how it is so
     in the future chappies :D
     Anyways, what did you guys think about the first chapter? Was it
     good, intriguing or awful? XD
     Please leave comments down below or a kudos :D
     I will have the next chapter out by next week and just a heads up
     guys, in two weeks (possible one depending on if the teacher's want
     us to start reading one week before everything starts) university
     starts up again for me which means I'll have less time for writing
     ff's BUT I will not abondon any stories of mine! It's just that
     chapters might come a bit later than usual or with varied gaps of
     time inbetween but just know that they will come no matter what :)
     Love, your dear author <3
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