Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5994214.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Haikyuu!!
  Relationship:
      Iwaizumi_Hajime/Oikawa_Tooru, Oikawa_Tooru_&_Sugawara_Koushi
  Character:
      Oikawa_Tooru, Iwaizumi_Hajime, Sugawara_Koushi, Kyoutani_Kentarou
  Additional Tags:
      Alpha/Beta/Omega_Dynamics, Omega_Verse, Past_Rape/Non-con, Mpreg, Angst,
      Self-Harm, Underage_Sex, Discussion_of_Abortion
  Series:
      Part 3 of Heatwave_AU
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-02-13 Completed: 2016-02-14 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 7389
****** Baby I Hate to Love You ******
by mean_whale
Summary
     It has been a week since Oikawa told Iwaizumi about his pregnancy,
     and it's time for him to make a life altering decision.
Notes
     I like this AU too much to let go
***** Decision *****
     They lay close together long after Iwaizumi’s knot had melted and he
     had slipped out of Oikawa. Oikawa had unconsciously exposed his neck
     to Iwaizumi as he burrowed into the soft bed. Iwaizumi nuzzled the
     warm skin and brushed his lips over it, making Oikawa shudder.
     “Iwa-chan,” Oikawa complained in his infuriating voice. “I’m too
     tired for another round.”
     “Hmm,” Iwaizumi hummed in response and pressed his face against
     Oikawa’s nape to smell his omega.
     He was getting drowsy himself and let his eyes slip shut.
     “Iwa-chan,” Oikawa suddenly said, and Iwaizumi opened his eyes again
     to focus on what he was going to say.
     “What?” Iwaizumi grumbled when the omega didn’t continue.
     “I think I want to keep this baby,” Oikawa said quietly.
     Iwaizumi felt the way Oikawa’s body moved when the omega rubbed his
     hands over his stomach that didn’t show any visible signs of his
     pregnancy yet. He was sinking into the bed, but sensed how Oikawa got
     more impatient with every moment that passed without a response.
     “Do you think the baby’s even mine?” he finally asked the question he
     had been twirling in his head ever since the day Oikawa had told him
     about the pregnancy.
     Oikawa stiffened in his arms.
     “But none of them released inside,” he offered weakly.
     “Dumbass,” Iwaizumi grumbled sleepily. “Haven’t you paid attention in
     sex ed? Even pre-come can contain semen and that could be enough to
     impregnate you.”
     “Well,” Oikawa started but let his voice die.
     “It could be anyone’s baby,” Iwaizumi said, yawned, and let his eyes
     close again.
     “Oh,” he could hear Oikawa sigh before his head was taken over by
     sleep.
 
 
When Iwaizumi had fallen asleep Oikawa snuck out of bed. He went to take a
shower. The way Iwaizumi’s semen was dripping out of his hole and sliding down
his legs made him shudder. If only his problems were as easy to get rid of. He
scrubbed over the wounds on his arm and flinched. It had been a week, but the
scabs were still firmly on his skin, as noticeable as ever.
He had returned to volleyball practice after reassuring his coaches that his
knee was fine. He hadn’t quite realised how difficult it would be to take off
his long sleeved shirt and put on the t-shirt for practise. He had done it only
after everyone else had left the locker room, and when he stepped on the court
he had his arm pressed firmly against his side. He was certain everyone’s eyes
were at him, and he was about to leave when Iwaizumi jogged to him with a big
smile on his face.
“I’m so glad you’re back,” the alpha said and ruffled Oikawa’s hair in a way he
hadn’t done for years. “Practise isn’t the same without you.”
Oikawa smiled in the brink of tears, and Iwaizumi squeezed his shoulder
reassuringly.
“They won’t say anything,” Iwaizumi said quietly. “Just relax and be yourself.
It’ll be fine.”
Oikawa nodded and took a deep breath before joining the practise. At first he
was moving stiffly, trying his best to keep his arm out of sight, but as time
went on he felt himself relax, and soon he forgot about his arm as he
remembered the joy of being on court. Just like Iwaizumi had said no one seemed
to pay attention to the way red lines crisscrossed his arm.
He couldn’t completely forget about them, though. His most recent wound was
only a day old, and at times when it rubbed against his side he jerked with
pain. Every time he lifted his arm up he could see the angry red marks from the
corner of his eye. He did notice Kyotani look at him thoughtfully a couple of
times, but chose to ignore any thoughts that roused in him.
The next uneasy moment was taking a shower with everyone. In spite of numerous
reassurances from both Sugawara and Iwaizumi, Oikawa could feel his body
changing and he was certain everyone could see it the moment he took off his
clothes. He withdrew into a corner and tried to cover up both his chest and his
arm, making no contact with the others. The next day it felt easier, and the
day after that it didn’t make his chest feel heavy anymore.
Life was starting to feel normal again, and at times Oikawa could completely
forget about what had happened. He was, however, reminded of it in a very
unpleasant way on that Friday, when he walked out of the locker room to find
Kyotani waiting for him. He stopped and thought about retreating back to the
locker room where there were still others, but Kyotani spoke before he could
turn and leave.
“I’m really sorry about what happened,” the alpha said with a rough voice. “I
know it’s not going to change anything, but I know it was wrong and I shouldn’t
have hurt you.”
Oikawa laughed nervously.
“Well, well, Mad Dog –chan,” he said. “Not so mad right now?”
Oikawa tried to slowly move away from Kyotani who followed him just as slowly.
“I know you have every right to not want to be around me,” he said with almost
a hint of sadness. “But please, believe me. I wish I could go back in time and
undo what happened. I should have known better to control myself.”
Oikawa stopped to see what would happen, and Kyotani stopped too, maintaining
the distance between them. Oikawa couldn’t stop his eyes from roaming their
surroundings for an escape in case this was a trap.
“I’ve noticed,” Kyotani began and cleared his throat. “I’ve noticed what you
have done to yourself. I’m really sorry I made you hurt yourself.”
Oikawa laughed. He sounded like a maniac to himself, and maybe this was him
losing his mind; there was no way the Mad Dog of Seijou would talk to him with
such a calm manner.
“My world doesn’t revolve around you,” Oikawa said loudly.
“Oh,” Kyotani said and cocked his head like a confused puppy. “So it wasn’t my
fault?”
“Of course it was,” Oikawa said and squinted his eyes. “Of course it was your
fault but not yours alone. I don’t want to talk to you about it.”
“Of course,” Kyotani said. “I’m sorry for taking your time and scaring you.”
“As if I’m scared,” Oikawa tried, looking down on Kyotani who took a step back
away from him.
“I can smell it,” Kyotani said softly and flashed some sort of an apologetic
smile. “I’m sorry.”
With that the alpha turned around and walked away. Oikawa watched his back
until he turned the corner and disappeared. He stood there waiting, but Kyotani
didn’t come back.
Gasping for air Oikawa dropped to the ground. Tears were blurring his vision
and his entire body was shaking. He was still sitting there when Kunimi came
out of the locker room, took one look at him and went back only to return with
Iwaizumi moments later.
Iwaizumi asked questions, he asked too many questions, and Oikawa didn’t reply
any of them. He stayed completely silent until he was sat down on a bed at the
nurse’s office and Iwaizumi gently pushed him to lie down.
“I love you,” Oikawa said with a stuffy voice before closing his eyes and
drifting off.
The water was getting cool and Oikawa turned off the shower. He stood still,
water dripping down his skin onto the floor.
Sometimes he didn’t know what to think of Iwaizumi. The thought made him shiver
and he wrapped his arms around his body to stop it. Sometimes he wasn’t sure
Iwaizumi really loved him the way he loved the alpha. Sometimes he looked in
the mirror and his finger felt around the scarred mark on his neck and he
thought if it was possible for an omega to find a new alpha if the relationship
didn't work out after marking. He didn’t know if any alpha would accept a
previously claimed omega. He was used goods.
Then there were times when he thought about the way Iwaizumi looked at him when
no one else could see, and how the alpha had cried the previous Sunday when
they had had sex and were lying knotted together and he had held Oikawa’s arm
in both his hands and shook his head.
Yes, at times it was clear Iwaizumi loved him.
However, in the future it wasn’t going to be enough.
Oikawa slowly dried his body with a fluffy towel and looked in the mirror. His
face was pale and the dark bags under his eyes had become a familiar sight. He
wiped his face with the towel and looked at the way his eyes were staring at
him with a tired gaze. He had been tired for weeks, and he wondered if it was
the pregnancy’s doing.
Quietly he slipped back to his bedroom where Iwaizumi slept. The towel was
hanging on his shoulders like a cape, exposing his bottom to the world. He
stopped by the mirror and looked at his body. He touched his abdomen, trying to
feel a baby growing inside. He didn’t quite grasp the thought that his body was
now supporting two lives. How was it even possible that somewhere under that
skin there was another person growing and developing every day? How could it be
that he was no longer alone in his body?
He felt his stomach with his hand and thought about the baby. When it was born,
would it be immediately certain as to who the father was? What if it looked
exactly like Kyotani? Or Kageyama, or Tanaka? He understood how hard it would
be for Iwaizumi to look at the baby and see something vaguely familiar, until
one day they would run into Kageyama and Iwaizumi would know. Every day would
be a reminder of the worst day of his life, and Iwaizumi would be reminded of
how he had cheated. If the baby came out looking like Tanaka surely it would
feel like a slap on the face.
Oikawa flinched at the memory of Iwaizumi’s hand connecting with his cheek. He
let his hand drop from his stomach to hang by his side. He looked at his chest
and how his breasts had developed slightly rounder every day. It wouldn’t take
long before they would become so apparent he wouldn’t be able to hide it
anymore. He knew he was running out of time, but he wanted to be sure.
Yet, there was no way for him to be sure.
Carefully so as not to wake up Iwaizumi he sat on the edge of the bed. His body
was slumped and he leaned forward until his upper body was resting on his legs.
When they were just kids Iwaizumi had said he wanted to marry Oikawa. It had
been just a joke, most certainly, but ever since that day Oikawa had hoped he
and Iwaizumi would turn out to be alpha and omega so they could be each
other’s. Iwaizumi had presented early, he was barely even 11 when he
experienced his first rut and his small cock started to grow fast. Oikawa had
convinced Iwaizumi to show him and he still remembered how in awe he had been,
seeing Iwaizumi’s grown-up cock. Oikawa had been waiting anxiously to present
himself, but it had taken nearly three years before he went into heat and
persuaded Iwaizumi to help him with it. The joy he had felt when he realised
his dream had come true had been so strong he cried, frightening Iwaizumi into
thinking he had done something wrong.
Oikawa smiled at the way he had thought Iwaizumi’s 11-year-old cock was all
adult and cool, when in reality it had still been way underdeveloped compared
to what it had become when the alpha properly hit puberty. Oikawa was sure that
it would still continue to grow as Iwaizumi grew older. His cock, on the other
hand, hadn’t grown much since he was 11 too. He looked at the way it was
hanging between his legs, and suddenly he felt like he was a kid again. He was
that 14-year-old scared little boy who had had to go to his mother to ask about
what options you had for birth control after having had an alpha knot you.
A single tear dropped on the floor as Oikawa realised this was something he
didn’t want to ever tell his mother. If the baby came out looking nothing like
Iwaizumi wouldn’t it be suspicious? Everyone who saw all three of them together
would be able to tell it was not their baby. It was his baby with someone else.
For weeks he had been deceiving himself, letting himself believe that by some
miracle all the semen Iwaizumi had pumped into him after that day would have
overwritten any other semen he might have had inside him. He knew how stupid it
was, but he had grasped at that idea like it was the only thing that could help
him stay sane.
Oikawa glanced at his nightstand. In the drawer he had a small blade that still
had a stain of blood on it. He could almost feel the cool metal on his fingers,
and he reached out to pull the drawer open.
Iwaizumi shifted in his sleep and startled Oikawa. He withdrew his hand and
stood up. He pulled on clothes and abandoned the towel on his chair. He took
out Iwaizumi’s phone and set an alarm 15 minutes from then. He placed the phone
on the nightstand and stepped out of the room. He jogged downstairs.
“I’m going out,” he said.
“Isn’t Hajime-kun still here?” his mother asked from the living room.
“No, he left a while ago,” Oikawa lied. “Didn’t you notice?”
“I must have been too focused on this movie,” his mother said and didn’t say
anything more.
Oikawa put his shoes on and left the house.
*
The next morning Oikawa had called Sugawara and invited him over. He had tried
to focus on doing normal stuff, but it was hard, and finally they ended up
sitting in his room, side by side on his bed, and he was cradling his knees and
staring into nothingness.
“Iwa-chan doesn’t want the baby,” he finally forced out.
Suga rested a hand on his knee.
“What about you?” Suga asked.
A sigh pushed the air around them as Oikawa lowered his chin to rest on Suga’s
hand.
“I have been thinking about it so hard,” he said, “and I thought I had
decided.”
“You wanted to keep it?” Suga asked, and Oikawa nodded.
Oikawa turned his head so his cheek was resting on the warm hand on his knee,
and he looked at Suga, whose face was as encouraging and friendly as ever.
“I did,” he said. “At least I thought I did. But I’m not sure anymore.”
“Did he tell you why?” Suga asked.
“It might not be his,” Oikawa said and felt himself blush. “I guess it’s only
natural for an alpha to not want to raise someone else’s child.”
“That’s stupid,” Suga said and lifted his free hand to stroke Oikawa’s hair.
“If you really want to keep the baby he should understand.”
“Well he doesn’t,” Oikawa said quietly. “And I’m not willing to let him go.”
“Are you sure?” Suga asked, his fingers digging into the hair and massaging
Oikawa’s scalp.
“I’m sure,” Oikawa replied but didn’t meet Suga’s eyes. “I’m too young to have
a baby anyway. It would just mess with my life.”
Suga nodded. Oikawa lifted his head to bury his face between his knees. Suga
resumed stroking his hair.
“I’m sorry I’m always asking you,” he said, his voice muffled by the knees in
front of it, “but will you come with me? I’m too scared to go alone but no one
else knows.”
“Shouldn’t Iwaizumi go with you?” Suga asked.
“He wouldn’t want to,” Oikawa said. “I’m sure he’s happy if he can forget such
a thing ever happened.”
“You should ask him,” Suga said.
“I don’t want to talk to him right now,” Oikawa said.
“So you haven’t even told him what you have decided?” Suga asked.
Oikawa was quiet, and he knew that was all the answer his friend needed.
“You really should talk to him,” Suga said.
“Do you know he slapped me when I told him what had happened,” Oikawa said
instead, bringing his head up. “I should have realised it back then, that he’s
not the kind of a person to care about a baby that isn’t his. He was so angry,
that I had someone else fuck me because I was in pain, that he hit me.”
Suga was looking at him with concern written all over his face.
“Has he hit you before or since?” he asked.
“No,” Oikawa said and let his body drop sideways to the bed. “And he did
apologise.”
“He still shouldn’t have,” Suga said, crawling closer to Oikawa and lying down
next to him.
Oikawa let go of his knees but remained in foetal position. Suga reached a hand
over him and poked at the newest wound on his arm. Oikawa jumped with pain.
“What was that?” Suga asked.
Oikawa didn’t reply immediately.
“Nothing,” he finally said, knowing how suspicious he sounded.
“Did you hurt your arm?” Suga asked and sat up to look over Oikawa.
“Kind of,” Oikawa said, and didn’t pull his arm away when Suga peeled back the
sleeve.
The horrified gasp made Oikawa’s blood run cold, even though he had been
prepared for it. Suga was holding his sleeve in place to reveal the extent of
destruction on his arm. Oikawa lay still and waited for the scolding he would
undoubtedly get.
“Oh, Oikawa,” Suga finally said and pulled him into a tight embrace. “I wish I
had known sooner.”
“You’re going to make me cry,” Oikawa said.
Suga hugged him closer and Oikawa could feel his breaths on his nape.
“I’m sorry,” Oikawa mumbled, but Suga shushed him.
For the first time in a long while Oikawa felt like things would eventually
turn out fine. He would be okay.
***** Action *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
     They lay close together long after Iwaizumi’s knot had melted and he
     had slipped out of Oikawa. Oikawa burrowed into the soft bed and felt
     Iwaizumi nuzzle his neck.
     “Iwa-chan,” Oikawa complained. “I’m too tired for another round.”
     Iwaizumi only hummed in response and pressed his face against
     Oikawa’s nape. Oikawa could hear him breathe in the scent. It made
     Oikawa feel good – like he was important – and he smiled into the
     pillow, pressing his body closer to Iwaizumi’s hold.
     It had been nearly a week since he had finally told Iwaizumi about
     his pregnancy. It was also a week of him not cutting himself anymore.
     He had been surprised by how difficult it was to stop, even when he
     knew it didn’t give him the satisfaction he had once gotten. Every
     day Iwaizumi checked his arm for new cuts, and while Oikawa found it
     humiliating and a sign of distrust, he also knew it was Iwaizumi’s
     way of keeping himself calm. He didn’t mind exposing his arm every
     time Iwaizumi took a hold of his hand in that special way that
     immediately told him the alpha was worried.
     During the week the two things in his mind had been stopping to cut
     and deciding on what to do with his pregnancy. He was still young,
     and he hadn’t even finished high school. It would get in the way of
     his volleyball career, not to mention the embarrassment of having to
     tell his parents and the entire world that he had been knocked up.
     Yet every time he thought about it he ended up wondering what the
     baby would look like. What it would feel like to hold it in his arms
     for the first time. How it would feel like to have a tiny mouth
     suckle on his breasts to feed.
     “Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said after gathering his courage for a while.
     He should have waited for a while longer; he didn’t know how to say
     it. The silence went on and on, before the alpha got impatient.
     “What?” Iwaizumi asked.
     Oikawa took a deep breath.
     “I think I want to keep this baby,” he said much more quietly than he
     had intended.
     Without thinking about it Oikawa let his hands find the warm skin of
     his stomach and rub it, as if he could already feel the life growing
     inside him. He had been trying to remember everything he had been
     told about pregnancy, and he was wondering how long before the foetus
     started to resemble a human. Iwaizumi wasn’t saying anything, and it
     made him shift around restlessly.
     “Do you think the baby’s even mine?” Iwaizumi finally blurted.
     The question made Oikawa freeze. Sure, he had been aware of the
     nagging thoughts somewhere at the back of his head, but he had chosen
     to push them away in favour of not getting the urge to cut again.
     “But none of them released inside,” he offered weakly, but knew it
     was pointless.
     “Dumbass,” Iwaizumi said, making Oikawa’s stomach drop. “Haven’t you
     learned anything from sex ed? Even pre-come can contain semen and
     that could be enough to inseminate you.”
     “Well,” Oikawa tried to come up with something to say, in vain.
     “It could be anyone’s baby,” Iwaizumi stated.
     Oikawa felt cold. Iwaizumi’s body behind him felt hard like marble,
     and the way his arms were pressing on him made him suffocate.
     “Oh,” he said as realisation slowly hit him.
     So that’s how it was.
 
He must have done something wrong again.
He knew this from a couple of signs.
First, Oikawa had shut him out. When he had woken up alone in Oikawa’s room and
then heard from his mother that the omega had left, he had known it was a bad
sign. His calls went unanswered and were never returned. Every time he tried to
talk, Oikawa turned his back and hurried away. He could have simply appeared at
Oikawa’s doorstep and have his parents let him in, but he didn’t know what had
caused this silent treatment, so he didn’t dare go in case it was his fault.
Second, Oikawa was skipping volleyball again. This time Iwaizumi asked the two
coaches if he had given a reason for it, but they were as surprised as he was.
Oikawa had only been back to practise for a week, but it had been long enough
to make him seem more alive again, like he was the same Oikawa he had always
been, and not the miserable, small creature he sometimes resembled when they
were alone and Oikawa was thinking.
Third, this would not be the first time he had fucked up without realising.
What made it different from all the other times, though, was the fact that
Oikawa didn’t return to him after a day of sulking to demand they make up
because he was lonely.
Iwaizumi thought back to what had happened between them during the week of them
being together again. He had been worried. He had cried in Oikawa’s arms. Could
it be that Oikawa wanted an alpha who could keep it together at all times?
Maybe him showing weakness had made Oikawa lose respect. Oikawa had always told
him how much he admired his strong body and demeanour. Maybe he should have
gotten the hint and made sure to maintain a façade of the ultimate strong
alpha.
Everyone from the team was worried about Oikawa too. They came to him for
answers, and he had none to give. Kindaichi had pulled him aside after morning
practise and looked at him with teary eyes as he asked:
“Has Oikawa-san done something to himself?”
It had taken a moment for Iwaizumi to convince the first year that Oikawa had
not done anything rash and was not a danger to himself. Hanamaki had overheard
the conversation and joined in to express his concern over the alarming scars
on Oikawa’s arm. Iwaizumi wanted to push them away but maintained his composure
and did his best to explain the situation without giving away anything too
personal about Oikawa’s condition.
After both Kindaichi and Hanamaki left him alone he leaned his forehead on the
wall and sighed. Thinking about Oikawa’s mutilated skin still made him as
emotional as it had when he had first seen the wounds still seeping blood on
his arm. He had failed his part as Oikawa’s alpha and let something so horrible
happen without even trying to fix it.
He hadn’t seen Oikawa in three whole days. He wanted to trust Oikawa: after
all, the omega had promised to stop hurting himself, but he had also noticed
the way Oikawa’s eyes sometimes stopped to stare at the drawer of his
nightstand. When Oikawa had gone to the bathroom Iwaizumi had opened the drawer
to find a blade wrapped in a bloody tissue. He had a hard time explaining his
sudden burst of emotions when Oikawa returned.
It wouldn’t be a lie to say Iwaizumi ached to see Oikawa.
Without even bothering to change his clothes, he rushed to find the boy. This
time he would do everything he could to make it right. Except Oikawa wasn’t in
school. Iwaizumi was late to class because he took so long to believe that
Oikawa wasn’t there, but he could hardly hear the teacher scolding him. He sat
down at his desk without knowing which lesson he was attending.
“Where are you?” he typed on his phone and sent the message. He knew there
wouldn’t be a response, but at least this way Oikawa knew he was missed.
With a sigh he put the phone away. What had he done to upset Oikawa this bad?
Or could it be that something else had happened? Was he raped again? Did
someone bully him? Had another alpha gotten jealous over their relationship and
blackmailed Oikawa into leaving him?
Iwaizumi shook his head. He was being ridiculous. It was his fault, he was
certain of it. He thought back to the last time he had been with Oikawa. They
had fucked and it was good. Iwaizumi was crazy about the little changes
pregnancy had caused Oikawa’s body, and he couldn’t stop touching the round
breasts that may not have looked like much but sure felt different. He longed
to feel the slight roundness of Oikawa’s hips under his hands, and Oikawa
seemed to enjoy it all too. It had been Oikawa who had first offered his tits
for him to touch, Oikawa had presented his body to him in a seductive manner
and begged for him to fill him with his come. And he did as he was told. After
he was firmly knotted inside Oikawa, the omega had continued to tease him,
causing him to release more and more until his head was spinning and he was
certain his balls would shrivel up and dry completely.
Thinking about it, Oikawa had always been a tease in bed, manipulating him to
do what he wanted. Iwaizumi thought back to the first time when Oikawa had
suddenly gone to heat while visiting his house. They were 14 and his parents
happened to be away, when Oikawa started complaining about his stomach aching
in a weird way. Iwaizumi had to stop himself from chuckling when he remembered
how horrified Oikawa had been when the first burst of slick had slid out of him
and he had thought he had pooped his pants.
Oikawa had always been quick to recover. It didn’t take long before they were
both naked and Oikawa was panting on the bed in front of him, spreading his
legs wide to expose his glistening backside. Iwaizumi reached out to touch the
warm slick, and Oikawa keened, begging him to do it.
“Hajime-chan, I need you,” Oikawa had moaned. “Spread me open with that big
cock of yours!”
Iwaizumi wasn’t sure if Oikawa knew it had been his first time too. He had felt
awkward slipping his cock into Oikawa’s tight hole, but had soon forgotten
about everything as the hole sucked him in and he couldn’t stop thrusting into
it. He had no idea how to please an omega, but Oikawa hadn’t complained. In
fact, the omega had seemed to enjoy himself very much.
“Hajime-chan, I want to have your babies,” Oikawa had groaned as his knot had
rooted them together. “Pump your semen into me and make me pregnant with your
child.”
It had startled Iwaizumi, and he had actually tried to pull out until Oikawa
punched him in his ribs screaming with how much it hurt. Later he came to
realise it was just Oikawa’s way of dirty talk and something that got him off.
Somewhere in his mind Iwaizumi had thought about it: what it would be like to
be a real family with Oikawa. Even though he kind of felt like Oikawa had
tricked him into becoming his alpha, he had also always known he wanted for
them to stay together. He had been the one to ask Oikawa if he wanted to be
marked, and the happiness the question had caused in Oikawa had been
contagious. Iwaizumi had figured that at least this one part of his life he had
managed to do well. They would stay together, and then later on they would have
a baby or two and they would be the best parents.
Everything had changed just some weeks ago, and it made Iwaizumi’s heart ache
to think about it. He had received Oikawa’s unusually short and serious message
and hurried to his place. There was no one home, but he had a bad feeling about
it when his calls to Oikawa wouldn’t connect. He wanted to do something but
there was nothing else for him to do but wait. He waited for what felt like
several hours, before he finally smelled Oikawa’s scent, except it was mixed
with the strong, unmistakable smell of a strange alpha. Sawamura from Karasuno
had his arm around Oikawa’s body like he owned the omega, and he immediately
surged forward to protect what was his.
At the same moment he had known that after all Oikawa wasn’t his anymore. The
omega had chosen differently, and Iwaizumi just wanted to get out of there to
cry into his pillow at home. Even the heartache hadn’t been enough to stop him
from wanting to protect Oikawa from harm, however, and before he could control
himself he had turned back to the omega who had fallen on the ground with a
worrying thud, and when the teary words got through to him he felt a pang of
guilt for having thought anything bad about Oikawa.
That night he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about what had
happened, and he was certain there was something he could have done differently
to change things. There’s something he should have done to make sure nothing
bad ever happened to his omega. And it seemed that Oikawa might think the same:
the omega was shutting him out, wouldn’t talk to him about what happened and
avoided any topics of conversation that might turn serious. They talked on the
phone every night and Oikawa kept insisting he was fine, but Iwaizumi could
hear the tears in the back of his throat. When the line disconnected, he
pressed his head in his pillow and grit his teeth, letting tears drop down his
skin.
Time after time Oikawa refused to let him visit, and when their backs were
turned towards each other, he let the sadness take over him as he slowly walked
home. And finally Oikawa stopped coming to school. He didn’t answer Iwaizumi’s
calls, and Iwaizumi knew this was it; his dream of a perfect future had been
crushed.
He wasn’t going to let it be that easy. He went to see Oikawa, and finally
things seemed to work out. Oikawa was still awkward and looked like he wanted
to be anywhere but there, but he also talked. Iwaizumi moved closer to help him
feel better, but his touch made Oikawa jolt, and that felt like a stab right
into his heart. He hadn’t really understood that what had happened could be bad
enough for Oikawa to cower away from any alpha who tried to touch him, but now
it was so apparent he wanted to slap himself for being such an idiot. He gave
Oikawa his room, and the omega told him what had happened.
Sugawara had mentioned the fact that Oikawa had been raped more than once, but
when Oikawa actually said it out loud for the first time a wave of nausea took
over Iwaizumi. He tried to keep himself together for Oikawa’s sake, but he felt
like his insides were burning to bitter ashes. The last straw was Oikawa
revealing he had slept with a third alpha willingly, and before he could
control himself he had already struck.
The way Oikawa looked at him with a hand on his reddening cheek broke his
heart. He knew it was over, then and there, his dream of their happily ever
after was crushed, and it was his own fault. What kind of a shitty alpha hit
his omega? He had gone and done the unforgivable, and the only thing that was
left for him to do was to wait for Oikawa to break up with him.
He was afraid. He was so frightened to see Oikawa in school he was sick in the
morning and still shaking when he got there. The moment he saw a glimpse of the
omega he turned his head away and fled. He spent one entire lesson sitting in
the bathroom crying quietly into his hands. Not only had he been a terrible
boyfriend he was now also a coward that couldn’t face the consequences of his
actions. Even volleyball didn’t cheer him up, because every minute spent in the
gym reminded him of Oikawa. Oikawa, his former omega and best friend, didn’t
come to practise, and even his absence made Iwaizumi think of him so much it
made him fall down on his knees. He barely noticed the worried people around
him, because all he thought about was Oikawa.
When Oikawa had finally called him after two weeks of silence, he had nearly
dropped his phone. Oikawa was crying, and before he could leave to meet the
omega, he had to take a moment to stop his own tears from flowing.
The thought of the way Oikawa had looked when he opened the door made Iwaizumi
press his head on his hands with a groan. Thankfully the teacher didn’t hear
him, but he felt the person sitting next to him shoot a look at him. He didn’t
care if the entire class saw him suffer, it would be right for the world to see
what a loser he was.
He hardly even noticed recess, but he was brought back to reality by a
classmate telling him someone was there to see him. His heart skipped a beat,
but when he turned to look it was just Kyotani. He sighed and stood up, and
went to see what the boy wanted. Kyotani led him away from the crowds before he
stopped and turned to face him.
“Is Oikawa okay?” Kyotani asked with an uncharacteristically worried voice.
“He’ll be fine,” Iwaizumi tried to get out of the conversation fast.
“I’m worried about him,” Kyotani said, surprising Iwaizumi into staying. “Is it
my fault?”
Iwaizumi looked at him with a confused face. He had no idea why the boy would
think he had something to do with Oikawa’s absence.
“Oh,” Kyotani then said and looked away. “He hasn’t told you, has he? That I…”
Iwaizumi was quick to jump to conclusions, but he mentally shook his head to
keep his head clear. Surely Kyotani didn’t mean what he thought he did. Then
Kyotani bowed down low.
“I’m very sorry, Iwaizumi-senpai,” the boy said with a clear voice. “I’m sorry
I touched Oikawa-senpai without his consent.”
What? was the first thing Iwaizumi thought.
The second thing he thought was that his knuckles hurt. He looked at Kyotani
who was lying on the floor with a split lip. He would get a black eye with
time. Iwaizumi was shaking. Kyotani openly looked at him with no hint of fear
or resentment.
“I’m sorry,” the boy said again when Iwaizumi turned around.
“I’m sorry too,” he said before walking away.
*
By the time lunch break arrived, he had made up his mind. He gathered his
things and ran. He ran as fast as he could and then even faster, his lungs
burning and his legs screaming for him to slow down, but he didn’t slow down
until he stumbled to Oikawa’s front door. He rang the bell, but there was no
answer. He tried to call Oikawa, but the call wouldn’t connect. Oikawa had
probably switched off his phone.
Iwaizumi banged his fist against the door in frustration, before he remembered
there was one more way for him to try to reach Oikawa. He quickly searched for
Sugawara’s number, which he had secretly copied from Oikawa’s phone in case he
might need it. He waited for the phone to be answered, but the hopeful beat of
his heart died when the person on the other end wasn’t Sugawara.
“This is Daichi on Suga’s phone,” the person Iwaizumi recognised very well
said. “Who is this?”
“This is Iwaizumi,” he said. “I was hoping to speak to Sugawara.”
“Ah, you just missed him,” Sawamura said. “He left to the hospital with Oikawa
a moment ago, and apparently forgot his phone. I’m surprised you’re not with
them.”
“The hospital?” Iwaizumi breathed out, every kind of horrible scenario playing
out in his head. “Why?”
“For the abortion,” Sawamura said with a frustrated voice. “Really, as his
alpha you should pay better attention-“
“Abortion?” Iwaizumi shouted and dropped his phone.
He left the phone on the ground and ran faster than he had ever run before.
*
He was wheezing when he finally got to the hospital, hardly making any sense
when he tried to ask where Oikawa was. His heart was beating so hard he thought
it was only a matter of time when it would burst and he’d drop dead on the
floor. He blindly followed the nurse that led him to the room where Oikawa
supposedly was. As they approached Iwaizumi noticed himself desperately
smelling the air to catch the familiar scent of Oikawa. He could smell it when
they stopped by a door and the nurse walked away.
He stood still for a while. He had been in such a hurry he hadn’t had time to
think. He had only been able to come this far because of Oikawa, and damn it he
wasn’t going to stop now, because his omega needed him.
The door opened with more force than he intended, startling both Sugawara and
Oikawa who were inside. Oikawa was sitting on the bed in a hospital gown,
Sugawara by his side on a chair. Oikawa sat up straight with surprise. All
colour drained out of his face when their eyes locked, and Iwaizumi stepped
inside closing the door behind him.
“You dumbass Shittykawa,” he grumbled as he stepped closer. “What have you
done?”
His voice broke in the middle of the question. His eyes were blinded by the
tears he had been holding back all day long, and he found it difficult to
breathe after having run so much. He nearly collapsed on the floor kneeling
next to the bed. Sugawara more or less jumped out of his chair and moved out of
the way when he reached out to take a hold of Oikawa’s hand and let his head
drop on his lap. Oikawa didn’t move, but he did hold his hand, and that was
everything it took for Iwaizumi to lose the rest of his coherent thoughts.
He couldn’t say a word. He wept on Oikawa’s lap for all the times he had forced
himself to remain calm, he howled with the terrible feelings that had been
eating him up inside, and he heard the door open and someone speak, but the
only thing that mattered to him was that Oikawa was holding his hand. He may
have felt like he would suffocate any moment, but Oikawa was holding his hand
in a tight grip, and that was enough.
Time had lost all meaning, and he didn’t know how long it took before his tears
dried up completely, or how long after that it took for him to stop wailing.
His head was throbbing and his eyes had swollen uncomfortably, his throat was
raw and his muscles ached, but Oikawa was still holding his hand, and he felt
like melting away into his warm lap.
“Please,” he finally croaked when the last sobs had subsided enough for him to
talk. “Tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.”
Oikawa didn’t say anything, but Iwaizumi felt soft fingers press into his hair
and gently massage his scalp.
“Tooru, I’m begging you,” he said. “I want you to be happy again. I can’t take
this anymore. Tell me how to fix you.”
He heard a sniffle from above and turned to look at Oikawa, whose eyes were
brimming with tears.
“You told me you wanted to keep the baby,” he continued. “Why did you change
your mind and why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t think it would happen this soon,
but I always wanted for us to be a family.”
A couple of tears dropped on his cheek and he blinked. Oikawa was looking down
at him with a distorted face, lips trembling and gasping for air.
“I love you Tooru,” Iwaizumi said and lifted his head up. “I’m sorry I keep
fucking things up. I’m sorry I’m not the alpha you deserve, but I love you so
much it’s going to tear me apart.”
Oikawa let out a wail and more tears dropped from his eyes.
“Iwa-chan,” he finally said with a broken voice. “You said you didn’t want to
have this baby.”
“When did I ever say that?” Iwaizumi asked genuinely confused. “I never said
that.”
“Yes you did,” Oikawa insisted. “You said you don’t want to have a baby that
might not be yours.”
“No,” Iwaizumi gasped. “I haven’t said that. And I haven’t meant to say
anything that might sound like that. I only want to support you with
everything, and I know I haven’t been able to do that at all, and I’m so
sorry.”
Oikawa bent down to press his face against Iwaizumi’s. Tears were flowing
between them, and Iwaizumi lifted his free hand to stroke them away with shaky
fingers.
“I’m sorry I always mess up,” he said.
“It’s not your fault,” Oikawa sniffed. “I should have listened to you better. I
should have talked to you.”
“No,” Iwaizumi hummed, “I should have made sure to-“
“Stop it, stupid Iwa-chan,” Oikawa interrupted him, let go of his hand, and
clasped both of his cheeks.
Iwaizumi let Oikawa turn his head up and closed his eyes when their lips
pressed together. Oikawa was still sniffling, and Iwaizumi wrapped his arms
around the omega’s waist.
“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said, still holding the alpha’s head in his hands. “Do you
really want to keep this baby?”
“Do you mean I wasn’t too late?” Iwaizumi asked hopefully.
Oikawa nodded and looked at him straight in the eyes.
“Yes,” Iwaizumi replied. “Yes, I want to keep the baby. I don’t care who the
biological father is, I will always think of it as my baby. It’s our baby,
Tooru.”
Oikawa blinked his eyes to chase the tears away and smiled.
“It’s our baby, Hajime.”
They shared another salty kiss, and Oikawa pulled Iwaizumi up off the floor.
Sugawara brought a chair for him to sit on, brushing his shoulder gently and
smiling encouragingly when he turned to look. Oikawa talked to the nurse that
had rushed to see what all the commotion was about, and all the time Oikawa was
holding Iwaizumi’s hand.
Maybe his dream wasn’t crushed after all.
Chapter End Notes
     The ending feels a bit abrupt but I've been working on this all day
     instead of studying so here it is.
     I may be tempted to return to this AU later because I'm in love.
     Edited on 15.2.2016 to fix some typos and silly wordings. It was such
     a pain for me to read this again last night and notice what a sloppy
     job I had done! orz
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!