Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1933665.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      My_Chemical_Romance
  Relationship:
      Frank_Iero/Gerard_Way, Ray_Toro/Mikey_Way
  Character:
      Frank_Iero, Gerard_Way, Mikey_Way, Ray_Toro, Bob_Bryar
  Additional Tags:
      High_School, Teacher-Student_Relationship, Frerard, Rikey
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-11 Completed: 2016-01-07 Chapters: 20/20 Words: 62189
****** As Fun as Homework Can Be ******
by emilyrosey
Summary
     Gerard is fresh out of university and is plunged straight into the
     world of work as a teacher at his brother's high school. He loves his
     job, but can he resist the temptation of the hot student that he sees
     most days?
***** Chapter 1 *****
I sat up straight with my hands clasped in my lap in the hard, plastic chair at
the centre of the headmasters’ office. Once more, I felt like a school boy in
trouble for something he hadn’t done. Three very different pairs of eyes were
focussed on me, taking in my appearance and forming their first impression of
me based on it. I touched my shoulder length, black hair and brushed my long
fringe out of my eyes, conscious that it was the feature they would be judging
me on the most. I knew that I was young – probably too young to compete with
the experience of the other contestants out in the drab, grey waiting room
considering I was only twenty-two – but I was over qualified for this job, and
I knew it.
“So, Mr Way, what do you think qualifies you for a job teaching at this
school?”
I wasn’t nervous at all; in fact, I was almost certain that I would be offered
the job. This was my first job interview ever, but I had rehearsed my answers
to no less than sixty potential questions in my room over and over again until
I was perfect. I began to talk about my education; my straight As in all my
qualifications here in America –including a perfect score of 36 in my ACT - and
my attendance to Oxford university in England, receiving a first in my degree
and graduating top of my class. I could see in their eyes that they were deeply
impressed by my qualifications, despite their attempts to hide it. After I
finished, they began to ask me questions to test my aptitude for this type of
work.
“How would you sanction a child that has misbehaved?”
“How would you help a child that was struggling with work?”
“In what ways would you help prepare the SAT candidates for their exams?”
I answered their questions with ease and without hesitation, mentally thanking
myself for those hours of practice I had put in to an audience of either my
mother and brother, or myself in a mirror. I had no friends; I didn’t need
them. My work had always kept me far too busy to go out drinking, partying and
taking part in other recreational activities like most of the other guys my
age. It surprised me how much confidence I managed to display in front of these
strangers, considering that I had never formed a relationship with anyone in my
life apart from my immediate family. Growing up, I had always got on far better
with adults than the immature population of my own age and people were always
shocked by the amount of insight I could offer into topics considered ‘adult.’
I oozed charisma, although it wasn’t natural at all. I had learned it straight
from books about social studies and behaviour, but I had only ever applied it
in formal situations such as this interview. I knew just how much eye contact
to supply, just how to gesture correctly and just how to change the pitch of my
voice and my intonation to keep my audience hanging on to every word that left
my mouth.
I finished answering their barrage of questions and shook all of their hands
firmly before leaving the office, finally allowing a smug smile to spread
across my face as I turned my back on the judges who had begun to chat amongst
themselves. I closed the door and smiled reassuringly at the other nervous-
looking, unemployed adults in the waiting room, knowing full well that they
were all going to crack under the pressure in the office and make careless
mistakes that would cost them this employment opportunity. I smiled at the
receptionist on my way out, deciding that if I was going to be working here
soon I should attempt to make a good impression on the staff. She smiled back,
a wide, friendly and inviting smile. I noticed that she was young and typically
beautiful. Her shoulder length blonde hair contrasted greatly with the deep red
of her lipstick… I was completely useless in situations like this and so I
bowed my head, exiting the building as quickly as possible. I intended to form
as few relationships with my colleagues as possible, as they would merely act
as a distraction to the job I was being paid to do. I walked home faster than
normal as I wanted to tell my story to my mother and maybe my brother if he
wasn’t busy. I knew they would both be proud of me – they always were.
I opened the front door and closed it quietly behind me so that it would not
bang - mom hated sudden, loud noises to the extent of when they occurred she
would scream and occasionally have a mild panic attack. I stood in the cream
coloured hallway and unlaced my shining, black shoes before placing them neatly
on the mahogany shelf, in between my mother’s smaller shoes and my brother’s
larger pairs. Upon entering the living room, I was greeted by my mother who
practically jumped up from the sofa.
“Oooh, Gerard. How did it go?” She ushered me onto one of the soft, white
leather sofas and sat beside me, clasping my left hand in both of hers. I began
to recount the interview, telling her exactly what they had asked and how I had
responded.
“And they told me that they would call me tomorrow with their answer,” I
concluded after talking for 10 minutes without one interruption from my parent.
“They only gave twenty candidates the opportunity to attend an interview, so
hopefully I managed to make a good impression on them.”
“Well, Gee, it sounds like you have this job in the bag!” she beamed, clapping
her hands enthusiastically. My smile broadened and she pulled me into a short
and awkward hug.
“Well I’m going to go and get changed, mom. I probably won’t be back down here
until dinner.” She nodded at me before scuttling into the kitchen to check on
the pots on the top of the oven.
I climbed the marble stair case, gripping the ebony banister loosely, and
whilst crossing the hall on the way to my room I was accosted by my brother,
Mikey.
“So, how’d it go, Gee?” he asked. I told him a slightly shorter version of the
one I had just recounted to my mother downstairs. His response was similar with
lots of congratulating, but with a lot more hugging. Once I had managed to
successfully peel him away from my body, I entered my pristine room. It was
nothing like the other rooms in this black and white house. The walls were
painted a deep red and were adorned with swirling, black patterns. My carpet
was as black as coal, which meant it was exceptionally hard to keep clean –
every speck of dust that was trodden in became immediately visible on the dark
fabric. I moved across to my wardrobe that was organised by colour, and hung up
my blazer. I pulled out my favourite pair of skinny jeans and an old Iron
Maiden t-shirt before closing the frosted-glass doors. I removed my itchy white
shirt and uncomfortable suit trousers, placing them straight into my basket of
dirty clothes, and dressed myself in my more comfortable attire. Once dressed,
I organised my desk a little, despite it already being immaculate. I hated
mess… it made me worry. I settled down in my chair and picked up the book on
French culture that I had begun to read the previous day.
About an hour later, there was a loud knock on my door. I shouted for the
person to come in and I set my book down on top of my desk; it was only Mikey.
I gestured for him to come in and he lay down on my bed, sprawling over the
crimson sheets. I winced as he crumpled them up.
“What do you want, Mikey?” I asked, turning my chair around to face him and
wondering what I was going to have to counsel him about this time. Normally, I
didn’t do a very good job as I was not as interested girls or friends or games
to the same extent that my brother was, but I knew he found venting his
problems to me useful and relaxing as he knew I would never judge him.
“You’re going to be teaching at my school, right?” He questioned, staring up at
my ceiling. I nodded, becoming impatient with Mikey already; he needed to learn
how to get straight to the point. “Well… what subject are you going to be
teaching?”
“Well, Mikey, I’ve applied for a job in the English department, considering
that is what my degree is in.” Mikey sat up straight on my bed and looked at me
with a blank expression for some seconds, his head cocked at a slight angle to
the right. I was impatient enough at the best of times, but right now I was
becoming overly irritated by Mikey’s lack of forwardness. “Spit it out, Mikey!”
“Well… the English teachers at our school aren’t exactly known for being good
at… umm… controlling classes. So English has kinda become a class to fuck
around in now.” Mikey was biting his lip, a habit that he had picked up from me
when he was young and mimicked me, a worried look now covering his thin face.
“Well… I’ll just have to change that then, won’t I?” Mikey was not exactly
filling me with confidence at the prospect of having to control a class of
hormone fuelled adolescents. “You know that I am not the kind of person that
will tolerate childish behaviour.”
“Ok, Gee,” Mikey sighed in defeat. I shot him a warning look, his attitude
infuriating me further. “Well I have quite a lot of homework to do. I’ll come
fetch you if I need any help. I really hope that you get the job. I’ll talk to
you later… have fun cleaning, or whatever you do in here.” As Mikey got up to
leave my bedroom he kicked a pile of my books over. I gasped as they spread
across the floor, causing my brother to laugh heartily.
“I hate you!” I yelled after him as he ran to the safety of his room, locking
the door behind him for good measure.
I bent down to gather up all of the debris from Mikey’s attack upon my room,
collecting the books in my arms before laying them out on my bed. I placed them
all in alphabetical order once more and restacked them against my wall, but
then decided they would look better in the corner. I smoothed out the crumpled
sheets on my bed and retreated to my chair by my desk. Mikey’s attitude towards
mess annoyed me somewhat. Despite this, I still loved him very dearly. I made a
mental note to be kinder to my brother – he tried his hardest not to annoy me
and I should recognise the effort. I kept thinking about what Mikey had said
and it made me doubt my abilities. I didn’t have much patience and I was not
good at controlling my emotions; one downside of this was my tearfulness when I
was put under excessive stress. Was I ready to take on this kind of challenge?
I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that experience would be the key in a
teaching role. ‘But there’s nothing you can’t learn from a book,’ I thought in
an attempt to reassure myself. I prayed that I would be given the classes with
the more intelligent students in to teach so that I could have meaningful
conversations with them, rather than the less academic student that, according
to Mikey, simply did not want to be there. I pulled out my laptop from the
bottom draw of my ebony desk and placed it on top of the wooden surface. As it
booted up, I plugged the charger into the socket on the wall beside my desk and
grabbed my memory stick from one of the hooks above my bed. I plugged it into
the USB port and watched all one hundred and twelve of my lesson plans and
power points appear on the screen.
I opened the file that I was looking for; my introductory lesson. I scanned
over the presentation, checking that all of the slides were present and
rehearsing what I would say to the students. I opened some more files that
contained my work sheets and task sheets to be handed out to the class; I would
print these off tomorrow if I got the job. Thirty minutes later I felt
thoroughly prepared and capable of delivering this lesson effectively. I
checked the time on my laptop clock and was rather shocked to find out that it
was already 6:32pm; it was almost dinner time. Dinner was always served at 6:
45pm with no exceptions. I had never known it to be late in my entire life.
Our family life ran to a strict schedule and had never been disrupted, with the
exception of the death of my father when I was just six. He had died tragically
in a car crash on the way to the hospital while my mother was giving birth to
Mikey. It had always seemed unfair to me – he had been hit by a lorry driver
who had been under the influence at the time. At the time I was far too young
to comprehend fully what had happened and was left wondering why someone as
good as my dad had lost his life, when the law-breaking lorry driver had
escaped without a scratch on him. My dad was a business man, a loving husband
and a caring father. He had sent me to the best elementary school in the area
and greatly valued my education, constantly telling me what a brilliant mind I
had. We were a perfect family, in my opinion. There were never any arguments in
the house and my mother was happy every day. She still worked when my father
was alive, but only part time so that she was able to pick me up from school at
half past three and have dinner on the table for 6:45 when my father would walk
in from work. His death hit us so suddenly that it through us off our stride
for a while, especially during the weeks immediately following his passing.
Naturally, I attended his funeral, and in between receiving sympathy from
relatives that I did not want to interact with, I realised I would do anything
to make him proud of me. I decided that I would not allow the effort, time and
money that he had invested in me go to waste. I had to lead a perfect life,
stay out of trouble and get exceptional grades, and I knew that I could do it.
We mourned for about a year, but neither my mother nor I let it affect her job
or my school career. By the time I was eight, mom seemed back to her normal
self and was working full time, getting regular promotions in her business;
Mikey was walking and talking and I had already skipped a year of school. When
I reached the age of fifteen, my mother was made the head of one of the
departments in her firm and Mikey had gained the perfect balance of work and a
social life, whereas I had had begun to isolate myself and only leave my room
when it was absolutely necessary. I knew this type of behaviour was not healthy
for me, but I did not care. I was happy with how I was leading my life.
“Gee! Mikey! Dinner’s ready!” My mother called up the stairs. I shut down the
laptop and opened my door to see Mikey strolling across the landing in a
carefree manner. I punched his arm weakly.
“That’s for fucking up my room,” I said. Mikey smiled and acted out that he was
in great pain before hitting me back harder and racing down the stairs and into
the dining room. I giggled quietly to myself. I loved Mikey so much; he was my
best and only friend in the whole world and always had been.
“Mikey, stop running around like that please… it sounds like there is an
elephant in the house,” I heard my mother say from the dining room as I
descended the stairs. Mikey was mumbling an apology as I entered the room and
sat in my usual chair. Mom had made roast chicken with mashed potato, carrots,
peas and broccoli tonight - it was one of my favourites. We ate in silence like
any other night with it only being broken by Mikey and I saying ‘thank you’ at
the end of the meal. Mikey hastily made an exit in order to not be roped into
helping wash up. I, on the other hand, began to take all of the plates into the
kitchen to help my mum.
We talked about anything we could think of while we washed up. My mother washed
the items and I dried them before putting them away in the correct drawer or
cupboard. I caught up on how her career was going, even though it was the same
as any other time she had told me – it was going brilliantly. Once the task was
finished, I said goodnight and retreated to my bedroom even though it was
barely eight o’clock. As I opened the door to my room I could hear Mikey’s x-
box blaring out whatever game he was on this time. I shook my head - he should
be working. I turned around and returned to Mikey’s doorway to warn him to
‘turn it down before mom came up.’ He grunted a reply through the closed door
but still did as I said. I returned to my room and changed into my pyjamas
before settling down in bed to read, finally falling asleep at about eleven
o’clock.
***** Chapter 2 *****
I opened my heavy eyelids and was immediately blinded by the bright morning
sunlight streaming through my partially open curtains. Blinking several times
before bringing my hands up to my face, I brushed my hair out of my eyes and
rubbed them until I felt more awake. I felt in a particularly good mood this
morning, even though the nerves were already beginning to settle in fast. I
rolled over to check the time on my alarm clock; the glowing green digits
informed me that it was 10:14. I had overslept! It was very rare that I slept
past half past 7 – in fact I couldn’t remember the last time I had had a lie
in. I sat up and stretched, loosening all the muscles that ached in my body –
apparently I had fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position last night. My
stomach suddenly filled with butterflies as I realised that the most important
phone call of my life was going to be incoming at half past ten. With a shake
of my head, I calmed myself down reasonably quickly by telling myself that
there was no need to worry, as my chances of getting the job were particularly
high.
On a normal Tuesday morning, I would have woken Mikey up at precisely 8 o’clock
so that he could get ready for school and I could drive him there at half past,
but today was the last day of spring break, so Mikey probably wouldn’t emerge
from his room before midday. On regular school days we would sing along to
whatever CD was in the car – Misfits or Iron Maiden normally – and when we
would reach the school, Mikey would give me a quick hug and get out of the car
to meet up with his small group of friends. He was no longer friends with a lot
of the people he used to hand out with because he lost interest in sports and
all other typically ‘laddish’ activities and became obsessed with comic books
and games. Not that this was a bad thing; I did not like his old friends at all
anyway. They were far too arrogant and they bullied people - that was why Mikey
left them. They were the typical ‘popular people’ that every school is
unfortunate to have, and so they used their status to push people around and
get their own way all the time. Their main victims used to be three boys called
Bob, Ray and Frank who hung around together as a trio, but one day my brother
stuck up for them, resulting in him immediately being labelled as ‘gay’ by the
people he thought were his best friends – a concept I could never quite
comprehend. Due to his act of courage, Mikey became best friends with Ray, Bob
and Frank and he says that they are practically inseparable at school, but he
never brings his friends home.
My theory was that Mikey felt embarrassed by me and our mother. I loved my
brother more than anyone else that had ever touched my life, but I knew that
his friends would find me abnormal and Mikey couldn’t risk losing his only
friends because of the unusualness of this family. To begin with, I probably
wouldn’t interact with them properly, as social situations filled me with dread
and therefore I would probably make them feel awkward. Equally, Mikey would
have to explain about my problems with mess and my mother’s anxiety in regards
to noise so that his peers did not do anything to upset either of us. He was
probably scared that his friends would mock him and I didn’t blame him at all.
Although our family was loving and supportive, it was not particularly mentally
stable and if I had had friends in school, I probably would not have wanted to
bring them back to this bleak house either. Thinking about all of the issues
and situations that Mikey had to deal with made me feel guilty, but at this
point there was very little that I could do to change it.
Although our family was rather wealthy, Mikey and I still attended public
school because my mother did not want us to turn into ‘posh snobs in those
silly little schools.’ I whined and sulked because I expected my mom to do
anything that would allow me to excel in academics, but the minute that she
explained that I would have to stay on campus in a dormitory with other boys I
immediately dropped the subject. The fear of being bullied was too great to
even consider going to a private school after my mother told me that. I could
barely hold a conversation with anyone my age, let alone live with them – the
thought of a shared bedroom also terrified me more than anything in the world.
There was no way I would be able to cope with the amount of mess that normal
teenagers can cause.
My phone began buzzing on my bedside table; I froze, too scared to answer the
call for a moment. I hesitantly reached out my shaking hand to grab the ringing
cell phone. The number on the screen was the one that I had saved under
‘Mikey’s school.’
“Hello?” I said, my head becoming cloudy and my heart rate increasing. I could
feel a panic attack brewing inside of me as my palms began to sweat.
“Hello. Is this Mr Gerard Way?” a woman’s voice sounded into my ear.
“Yes, speaking.”
“Hi, this is Rosie and I’m calling to inform you about the results from the
interviews held for a job in the English department that you applied for. I’m
the girl on reception that you smiled at on your way out.”
“Oh yes, I remember,” I said, smiling as I realised she remembered who I was. I
was barely able to speak because my lips were shaking so much. My breathing was
becoming shallower and I realised that if she kept me waiting much longer, I
would break down or pass out.
“Well, I can gladly inform you that you were successful and everyone here was
very impressed with your interview and record. So I guess I’ll see you at work
tomorrow, Mr Way!” Rosie exclaimed, finally breaking the good news to me. I
muffled a squeal with my hand, causing her to giggle. “Are you still there, Mr
Way?”
“Please, call me Gerard. Y-yeah, thank you s-so much! I shall see you
tomorrow,” I stammered. Rosie filled me in on where I should meet her tomorrow
as she would be the one going through the welcome procedures with me. We said
our goodbyes before I put my cell phone back down on my mahogany bedside table
with my trembling hands. I had got the job... my first job. I started tomorrow
morning and instead of going to my first lesson, I was to be given a tour of
the school by Rosie. She would also go over my time table with me to ensure I
knew what I would be doing all day. The first lesson that I would conduct would
be in second period.
I made my bed carefully and drew my curtains, opening my windows in the process
so that the cool, refreshing, outside air could enter my room. The grin had
still not faded from my face; I felt so excited! I decided that I should
probably inform my family of the news so that I could make a start on preparing
myself for my first day of work. After I had pulled on some clothes, I exited
my room and followed the hallway until I was stood outside my brother’s room. I
knocked three times on the white, wooden door, and when I received no answer I
decided to enter his room. The floor was completely covered in clothes and
various DVD boxes, strewn carelessly all over. I managed to stifle a scream by
placing my hand in my mouth and biting down on my knuckles until I tasted my
own bitter blood in my mouth. I spotted my brother sprawled over his bed in
just his underwear, snoring incredibly loudly.
“MIKEY! When was the last time you cleaned this room?! I can’t even be in here!
Outside in 5 minutes, please!” I yelled at him, the force of my outburst making
him roll off the bed, startled from his slumber. He looked at me with big,
tired eyes, watching me walk out of his room. He was clearly shaken by my
shouting and embarrassed with the state of his room. I stood outside in the
hallway trying to stop my hands from shaking. I didn’t think that I was this
bad… I assumed I was more in control of my compulsions. My reaction to Mikey’s
incredibly untidy room had scared me, and had no doubt freaked my brother out
too. Apparently I had been overestimating my mental health state for some time
now, allowing myself to deteriorate in this practically spotless house. I tried
my normal techniques of breathing slowly and even lying down – lying down
always relaxed me.
Eventually my brother decided to come out of his room, dressed in his usual
black, skinny jeans and band t-shirt. He looked at me but didn’t make eye
contact; instead he stared at his greying socks. I knew that Mikey always
fussed over my condition, trying to cushion me from the world, and I realised
that he was probably upset that he had made me react like that.
“Hey,” he whispered, sitting down next to me whilst I entered into an upright
position from lying on the carpeted floor. “I’m really sorry... I didn’t mean
to upset you.” He draped his arm around my shoulder as I snuggled into his
chest. I missed our cuddles; we used to watch movies together all the time, but
that had stopped when he started middle school. He smelt of deodorant and
cigarettes. I did not encourage Mikey’s filthy habit, but at least he didn’t
drink – I couldn’t condone alcohol consumption at all.
“It’s ok,” I mumbled into his shoulder, “I shouldn’t have reacted like that.
Anyway, I have some good news for you.” I looked up into his eyes. “I got the
job.”
“Really! Oh, Gee, that’s AMAZING! I’m so proud of you!” Due to the position
that I was sat in, when Mikey’s grip on me tightened I could barely breathe.
“Mikey... you’re crushing me,” I choked out. Mikey’s arm loosened around me
before he stood up and offered me his hand to pull me into a standing position
too.
“Have you told Mom yet?” He asked.
“No... I was planning on going down after telling you but it seems to have
taken longer than expected.” Mikey blushed and looked down at his feet.
“I-I’ll clean it later. Promise,” he murmured, refusing to make eye contact
with me again. I giggled weakly.
“I’ll help you in a bit, but I have to tell mom the news first,” I said, giving
him a quick hug before walking down the stairs to greet my mother in the living
room.
“Good morning, honey,” my mom said as I entered the living room. She stood up
to kiss me on the cheek. “You’re up late; would you like some breakfast?” She
began walking to the kitchen, intent on feeding me something; I followed her.
“No thanks mom. I’ll just have some coffee, please. I have something to tell
you,” I said, sitting at the kitchen table. “I got the job!” My mom turned away
from the boiling kettle to look at me for some seconds, a blank expression on
her face that suddenly turned into a huge smile as she threw her arms around my
neck, abandoning the mugs on the counter.
“Oh my goodness, Gerard! I’m so happy for you! My baby’s growing up!”
“Mom,” I whined. Even though nobody could see, my mother was embarrassing me
far too much.
“Oh, Gerard, I’m so proud! I would love to stay and talk about this but I have
to go to work! I’ll talk to you when I get home hopefully. Dinner will be at
quarter to seven as usual, but I have to do some work after that so I may not
have time to talk until tomorrow.” She kissed me on the cheek and grabbed her
bag and keys before shouting a ‘goodbye’ to my brother and walking out the
front door. I sat at the kitchen table sipping my black coffee, thinking about
how lovely it was going to be to see Rosie again tomorrow considering how
friendly she had been on the day of the interview. I rethought my previous plan
and decided that forming a relationship with one colleague couldn’t hurt.
Perhaps it could even improve my performance as a teacher, as she was more
familiar in the environment that I was. After I finished my drink I ascended
the stairs, hell-bent on forcing Mikey to clean his room.
I knocked on the door for the second time that morning and was greeted by two
bags full of trash being thrown out of the room, into the hall and into me.
Mikey’s head then popped around the door frame.
“Sorry... I started cleaning, but it’s going to take much longer than I
thought,” he said, obviously proud of his efforts. I was impressed with the
amount of floor that I could now see compared to earlier. I took a deep breath
and stepped into the room, determined that my compulsions would not get the
better of me this time.
“Well, it looks like I’m going to have to help you then.” I gestured for him to
sit on his bed. “Right - It’s easier to clean if you put all of your items into
piles first. For example, put all your clothes in a pile, all your books in a
pile and so on. Ok, got it? Let’s get started then.” We cleaned for about two
hours until I was happy with the state that Mikey’s room was in, collapsing on
the bed together when we had finished.
“So, Gee, are you excited about tomorrow?” Mikey asked me.
“I suppose… more nervous than excited at the moment though. I should probably
go and start printing off sheets and getting my clothes out ready.” I tried to
get up off Mikey’s bed, but he pulled me back down.
“No, Gee. You can’t keep working yourself to death. Your work is amazing, okay?
I’m sure you’re over prepared. Can’t we just stay here and chat like we used
to?”
“Ok then, Mikey. What do you want to talk about?” I asked, sitting myself in a
more comfortable position on the double bed.
“I’m confused,” Mikey started, sitting up and crossing his legs. I knew that
Mikey asking to talk to me meant that I had to conjure up some form of
intelligent advice for my brother, so I engaged my brain and concentrated on
the matter at hand.
“About what, exactly?” I prompted.
“I think I might... I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t be talking to you about
this. I mean, I’m not one hundred percent sure and I know you don’t have
experience with things like this.”
“Did you get a girl pregnant, Mikey?” I asked, my eyes practically popping out
of my skull.
“No! No! Not at all! It’s kind of different... I think I like... other
people... people that aren’t... girls.” Mikey dropped his head in order to
completely avoid eye contact with me.
“So you’re gay?” I concluded, fed up of Mikey beating around the bush.
“N-no. I still like girls, I think. But there’s this guy and... Wow. He blows
my mind,” Mikey breathed.
“Aw! Little Mikey’s in love,” I teased, causing him to go a very deep shade of
red.
“Lay off me, Gee,” Mikey said, nudging me slightly with his elbow. “Anyway,
you’re meant to be giving me advice. What should I do about this guy? I mean, I
know that he’s into guys because he’s out... but I don’t know how he feels
towards me. We’re best friends, but I don’t know if he feels anything more
towards me...”
“Ooh! Is It Frank?” Mikey only had 3 best friends, so it had to be one of them,
and from what I had seen of Frank he could be quite feminine at times.
“No! I mean, Frankie is gay, but he is definitely not ‘out and proud.’ In fact,
I don’t think he could be any further in the closet,” Mikey said, giggling
slightly.
“Ray then?” I asked, attempting to guess his crush again.
“Umm... well...” Mikey went an even deeper shade of red – I didn’t think that
was possible.
“Mikey, is there anyone in your group that’s not gay?”
“Well, Bob’s as straight as they come. But he knows about Frank and Ray’s
sexualities.” My brother responded. “It’s just kind of a coincidence that all
the gay kids ended up in one group, I guess.”
“Well to be honest, I think you should go for it Mikey. Even if it doesn’t work
out, you two are such close friends that I don’t think you would fall out over
it. It’s worth a shot, isn’t it?”
“I guess... Thanks, Gee. You always know how to help me. You’re so smart.”
Mikey always gave me compliments on my intelligence, but I never accepted them;
I had far too little self esteem for that.
“No I’m not, Mikey, and we both know that. I’m qualified… that’s all. Anyway,
if you’ll excuse me I have a lot of work to do.”
The rest of my evening passed by uneventfully; I printed off all of the sheets
that I would need for tomorrow, I ate dinner with my family, I helped mum to
wash up and I spent the rest of the night in my room trying unsuccessfully to
fall asleep. My mind was buzzing with excitement and anxiety, refusing to let
me fall into a world of dreams. Eventually, at around midnight, I did manage to
enter into a light slumber, waking up when my alarm clock rang ominously at
seven o’clock exactly.
***** Chapter 3 *****
I sat up suddenly in my bed when I remember that it was this morning that I
would be starting my new job. The butterflies in my stomach were
uncontrollable, the mix of anxiousness and excitement too much for me to cope
with this early in the morning. I stood up and stretched before heading to the
bathroom to take a quick shower, brush my teeth and shave. After rushing
through my morning routine, I returned to my room and walked over to my
wardrobe. I opened the doors and flicked through the variety of clothes hanging
up, grabbing the items that I needed. I retrieved a black shirt, black suit
trousers, a red tie and one of my many black blazers before grabbing a pair of
boxers out of my drawer. I threw the towel that had been tied around my waist
onto the bed, shivering as the crisp morning air touched my body, and began to
get dressed. I watched myself in the mirror as I adjusted my tie, making sure
that my outfit was crease-free and completely clean. I brushed my hair quickly
and hoped that it wouldn’t look too unprofessional when it had dried. Glancing
at my clock, I noticed that it was already eight o’clock – time to try and wake
Mikey up.
“Mikey! Get up now!” I shouted, knocking on his door relentlessly until I was
sure that he had heard me. “I’ll be back here in half an hour for you to come
to the car and if you’re not ready, I will be leaving you here and you can walk
to school instead,” I threatened. I realised that the reason I was being so
harsh towards him was probably because I was so nervous, so I softened my tone.
“Do you want me to make you some coffee?” I pressed my ear to the door and
heard him grunt in response - I interpreted the incoherent grumble as a ‘yes.’
I trudged down the stairs, taking care not to leave fingerprints on the shining
banister and quickly looked around the empty, pristine living room. As I
entered the kitchen, the smell of toast hit me and I realised that mom had
already gone to work, but I found a note taped to the side of the kettle in her
hand writing.
‘I hope you have a good first day today, Gee! Go out there and teach those kids
some proper English. Lots of love, Mom xox’
I smiled and folded the paper up, placing it in my blazer pocket before
clicking the kettle on to boil. Once I had poured the scolding water into the
two cups Mikey walked into the room, his eyes still half closed, and collapsed
into a chair at the kitchen table. Miraculously he was already completely
dressed, even if his hair was still a complete mess.
“Are you a little tired, Mikey?” I asked in a light, carefree tone, knowing
full well that this was the earliest Mikey had been awake for the past week.
“Fuck off,” he mumbled in response, resting his head on the kitchen counter. I
passed his coffee over to him and he practically snatched from my hand,
groaning into the mug.
“Make sure you brush your hair before you leave,” I lectured. He grumbled a
quiet ‘fuck you’ before adding a ‘thank you’ for the coffee as I exited the
room to go and check my bag. I knew that I had put everything I would need in
it last night, but I needed to check – I couldn’t bear the thought of showing
up to my first lesson without all my resources.
Eventually, Mikey and I got into my car and drove towards the school. It was
only a fifteen minute drive, but Mikey would rather die than walk that far on
his own. The journey was strangely silent for the first ten minutes, before
Mikey decided to speak.
“So, Gee, Are you excited?” Mikey asked, checking his hair and eye liner in the
wing mirror.
“Yes, I think. What about you?”
“Me? Why should I be excited?” Mikey asked, looking perplexed.
“Well, you’re going to admit your feelings to Ray today, aren’t you?” I asked,
astonished that such an important decision had slipped Mikey’s mind.
“Oh yeah...” Mikey mumbled, staring out of the car window.
“Nervous?” I pressed, keeping my eyes straight ahead on the road.
“A little… I don’t know what to say to him, Gee. I’m not used to things like
this. What if he rejects me?” He was wringing his hands in his lap. I felt
sorry for him - this was a scenario that he had never been in before. But Mikey
was brave… braver than me. “It will be so awkward if he does… I don’t even know
if they would let me keep hanging out with them.”
“Mikey, it’s just like asking out a girl and you’ve done that before... a lot.
As for him liking you, you’re very likeable - it’s almost guaranteed that he
will be into you Mikey. You know full well that those three boys think the
world of you and they wouldn’t let their friendship be destroyed by something
as trivial as a crush. Anyway, we’re here now.”
I hugged my little brother before we got out of the car, both of us whispering
‘good luck’ in the other’s ear. I shut the door, put the strap of my black
messenger bag on my shoulder and walked towards the reception area, forcing
myself to feign confidence already. I watched carefully as Mikey walked over to
his friends and smirked at the way that Ray checked my brother out whilst Frank
jumped on him.
“Mr Way?” a feminine voice said from behind me. I turned around quickly to see
Rosie stood there, smiling from ear to ear.
“Hi, Rosie,” I said, looking at the bridge of her nose rather than into her
sparkling blue eyes. I wasn’t too good at eye contact on a personal level. “I
thought I said that you should call me Gerard.” She giggled.
“Oh yes, I’m sorry, Gerard. Anyway, shall we go and find somewhere quiet to go
through your time table? I think that the meeting room across from the
reception will be free… shall we go?” She asked. I nodded my head in response.
As I walked through the glass, double doors, I turned and looked across the
school yard to see Mikey and Ray standing away from their group – they seemed
to be deep in conversation and Ray’s grin was almost as big as his hair.
Following Rosie through the building, I began to smile to myself. I hoped that
they would get together - they would make a perfect couple.
“So,” Rosie began. “The rooms you’re going to be in are 07, 13 and 01. 01 and
07 are in the English corridor here,” she gestured to the map of the school
that was in front of me. “And room 13 is way over here in the History block…
but you’re only in there for five lessons a week. Your two free periods are
last thing on a Friday and last thing on a Tuesday. It says which years you
have here and what kind of level they generally are here.” Rosie was carelessly
jabbing her French manicured nails at the paper, and I was trying to keep up
with the information she was giving me. Luckily, I managed to retain almost all
of it – that’s what years of enhancing your memory achieves.
“Okay, I think I’ve got that. Now, where are the photocopying machines and
other important things that I may need to use?” I asked, knowing that I would
need to do a great deal of printing over the time I would be working here.
“Well, there’s one in reception and one up in the library,” she pointed at the
map once more. “There is also a small, staff work room next to the reception
with computers that you can use to print things. If it’s full though you can
always use the computers in the library. Also, don’t worry about using a lot of
paper, they never mind here. I know that some schools put limits on the amount
of paper that you can use per week. What school did you work at before this?”
She asked me.
“Umm… This is my first job… ever.” I mumbled in response, letting my façade
drop for a moment. A look of shock spread across her angelic features which she
quickly suppressed.
“You’re serious? Wow. I thought that – Well… with the way you act and how
professional you are I thought that you must have had at least one teaching job
in the past.”
“No, I just spent a lot of time studying, reading and preparing myself for
situations like this.” I hadn’t, however, prepared myself for intimate,
personal conversations and it definitely showed – the atmosphere was
excessively tense, or so I thought. Rosie didn’t seem notice my lack of skills
in this area and instead tried even harder to engage me in a full conversation.
“Oh, so you’re super book-smart?” I nodded, causing her to become interested in
just how much I knew. We talked for a while, her firing questions at me whilst
I tried to keep up. For some reason, this conversation seemed more intimidating
that the interview I had taken part in to get this job. “What’s the time?” She
asked to no one in particular, breaking our lengthy conversation and looking at
the clock behind my head. “Gosh… We have ten minutes left of period two –
you’ll be teaching your first lesson in period three. I’ll show you the
classrooms you’ll be working in first.”
I gathered up all the sheets of paper that she had given me and followed her
through the maze of corridors, all the time attempting to keep track of where I
was. Occasionally, we would pass another teacher, Rosie would introduce me and
I would shake them by the hand and say how ‘lovely it was to meet them.’ In all
honesty, I was not thrilled to meet them as now we had been introduced, I would
be required to interact with them within the school day. Rosie would smile at
me reassuringly every once in a while and I would smile back in a carefree
manner – effectively hiding my true feelings of nausea due to anxiety.
“So, this is you: room 07. You have a class of eighth graders now and trust me,
they’re a lovely group. They’re ever so polite and helpful around the school.
But remember, if you have any trouble don’t hesitate to set detentions or send
them down to reception to be dealt with. Don’t let anyone walk all over you!
I’ll see you later!” she concluded, turning on her bright pink high-heels and
walking down the dull, grey corridor, swinging her black-skirt clad hips.
Suddenly, the bell rang. It was loud and had a sort of nails-down-a-blackboard
effect to it. It startled me and my heart began to beat in my chest so loud I
felt like the sound could have been heard all echoing through all the winding
corridors. The hallway began to fill with rambunctious students jostling past
each other in a race to their corresponding classrooms. I silently slipped
through the door of 07, away from the overwhelming atmosphere outside, and
waited for the crowds outside to disperse. I took in the environment and saw
that it was immaculate – this was how it would stay as long as I was in this
room.
Once the space outside my room had quietened down considerably, I opened the
door once more to see my class stood in what resembled a line.
“Ok, class!” I said, raising my voice and shocking even myself with the amount
of confidence in it. “We’re going to go in and I’m going to let you sit where
you want to, but be warned: if you talk too much, I will move you into another
seat – I’m going to trust you guys. Right, in you go!” The class filed into the
room and sat down reasonably quickly and quietly. I was glad that this was my
first class – as Rosie had said, they seemed like a lovely group. I instructed
them to take out their school equipment and proceeded to attempt to learn some
of their names. One of the girls at the front, Gracie, offered to hand out the
books as I didn’t know everyone’s names and her friend Amy asked if I would
like her to hand out the sheets. Once they had completed their tasks I opened
my PowerPoint and began what I had been preparing for years.
“Ok, hello eighth grade. I’m Mr Way and I will be your new English teacher for
the rest of the school year. I will be collecting your books in at the end of
the lesson so that I can see what you have already covered with your previous
teacher. The first thing that I would like you to do is read the top of the
sheet that Gracie handed out.”
“Amy!” the two girls at the front shouted in unison.
“Sorry! I guess I’m going to get you two girls mixed up all the time, aren’t I!
I assume you’re best friends?” They both nodded, giggling as their cheeks
became flushed with colour. I smiled at them as they began to read the sheet in
front of them. I turned to my PowerPoint and flicked to the next slide which
contained the text that was at the top of their work sheet. Once I saw that all
of the students were looking up at the board again, I began to talk.
“I would like you all to write me a letter about yourself so that I can get to
know you a bit more. On the board in a minute there will be an example letter
about me to for any of you that are a bit confused what you need to do.”
Immediately, the children set off writing in their books. I clicked the mouse
once to bring up the next slide on the screen.
“Dear eighth graders,
 My name is Mr Way and I am twenty two. I am your new teacher for the rest of
this school year and I am looking forward to meeting you all. I enjoy drawing,
writing and especially reading! My favourite book is Magician by Raymond E.
Feist and my favourite films have to be horror films! I am also very interested
in reading academic books on a wide variety of topics, such as behaviour,
culture, physics and many more. This is a VERY short version of the letter that
you will be writing for me right now, but I hope that this gave you some ideas
as to what to write. Just talk about what you personally like to do – I’m sure
you’re all very interesting and individual!
I look forward to hearing from you all,
Mr Way.”
I watched as they wrote, occasionally being asked to write a word on the board
if someone couldn’t spell something, but on the whole they seemed to be a
serene, hardworking class. I smiled to myself and grabbed my time table from
the top draw of my desk where I had put it. I checked what class I would be
taking after break – a junior class in this room. I wondered how they would be.
All I knew was that Mikey wasn’t in this class as he was in a class of students
with higher grades, which I had on Thursday, so I froze the screen of the
projector and turned to the computer. I clicked on my register to find a class
list. A few names popped out at me: Charlie smith (The boy that broke Mikey’s
glasses that one time), Cassie Richardson (The girl that cheated on Mikey in
ninth grade) and Frank Iero. I smiled to myself briefly. At least there was
someone nice in that class. When I looked up from the computer screen I noticed
that the class were engaging in quiet conversation with each other.
“Okay, are you all finished?” I asked. A few of them nodded at me and the rest
just stared – I took that as a yes. “Well, I have one final task for you to do
and then I want to talk to you for five minutes at the end about some classroom
rules. I’d like you all to do a spider diagram about what you already know
about ‘persuade, argue, and advise’ as that will be our first topic – I
understand that you have already started some basic work on this topic with
your previous teacher. You’ve got ten minutes to do that in pairs.”
Once their ten minutes were up and everyone looked like they had reasonably
full spider diagrams in their books, I stopped them.
“Now, before I collect the books in, I’d like to just set some classroom rules.
Firstly, I don’t want too much chatting while you’re working, but you seem to
be very good at keeping the classroom at a suitable volume level already.
Secondly, I need you to keep your places tidy because I really, really like
things to be neat and tidy - so no gum on the bottom of desks, no rubbish
dropped on the floor and no writing on the desks. And finally, I want you all
to know that I’ll be in here for an hour after school each day for anyone who’s
having trouble with their work. I’ll always be here to help with anything you
need. Okay, well that’s it I think… you can all put your chairs under your
desks and stand behind them until the bell goes.” The pupils began to talk
amongst themselves again, not too loud but not particularly quietly either; my
mother would hate to be in here with all the background droning. I walked down
each aisle, collecting the purple books from the desks and placing them in a
neat pile on my desk; I planned to read through their letters this evening when
I got home.
The bell rang, not making me jump as much as it had done this morning - maybe
it wouldn’t take me as long as I had speculated to get used to the world of
work. I followed the children out of the classroom door and walked briskly down
the corridor towards reception to tell Rosie all about my first lesson, a smile
fixed on my face. My confidence in my abilities had returned.
***** Chapter 4 *****
“So, how was it?” Rosie asked immediately when I entered the reception area.
She was perched behind her desk and had already begun to eat her sandwich. I
noticed that she ate very slowly and delicately - it looked somewhat odd as she
was curling her lips so that her bubble-gum pink lipstick wouldn’t smudge.
“It was amazing,” I breathed. “They were so quiet and lovely! There were two
girls in particular who were ever so helpful, but none of them were any trouble
for me at all. It was so much easier than I expected it to be - I think I’m
really going to enjoy this job!” She beamed at me and gestured for me to sit in
the chair next to her behind the desk. I accepted the seat gratefully.
“So, what did you bring for lunch?” she asked, making polite conversation.
“Um… my mom packed me some ham salad sandwiches this morning.”
“Aww,” she cooed. I blushed, remembering that grown men did not usually have
their lunches packed by their mothers.
“She was making my brother lunch, so she made me some at the same time,” I
gushed, trying to justify myself.
“I love ham salad. I had chicken-mayo today though – only thing that I had in
the fridge.” She giggled in a girly, high pitched tone - it made me smile,
setting me at ease once more. “What class do you have after lunch?”
“A senior class… I recognise the names of a few people in there and it seems
like a… well, let’s just say I think it may be one of the harder classes to
keep under control.”
“You know Charlie, hmm?” I nodded, knowing that she had realised that I was not
looking forward to taking that class. “They’re not all bad, you know. Frank
Iero and Shannon Nicholson are good kids; they’re really quiet.”
“Frank is very close to my brother and from what I’ve heard he seems like a
lovely kid. I’m sure I’ll be fine if I find a way to keep them on task and not
let them get on top of me.” The bell rang as she giggled. I scowled to myself.
The ringing noise seemed to annoy me more and more every time I heard it.
I bid farewell to Rosie and I left the reception area, picking up my bag and
walking back to my classroom quickly. The corridors were once again overflowing
with hyper children dashing around for no reason. I pushed through the crowds,
hoping the class would be gentle with me, considering that I still looked like
the kind of kid the more burly guys would beat up in the parking lot after
school. The closer I got to the classroom the more of the group I could see.
The majority of the students were the same height or taller than me and they
were crowded around in a circle close to the door. As I got nearer, I could
hear Charlie’s deep voice.
“Fag!” he shouted. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. You’re too fucking dumb
to be in this class. Why don’t you fuck off back you your other gay friends? No
one wants you here… you’re scum.” I saw him spit at someone, but I couldn’t see
who as there too many people were crowded around.
“Excuse me,” I said, attempting to sound authoritative but failing miserably.
“Hey,” said Charlie, turning to face me and narrowing his eyes. “You’re that
Way kid’s older brother. Why’re you here?” He squared up to me and it took all
my will to prevent myself turning on my heels and fleeing.
“Well right now I’m Mr Way and I will be your teacher from now on – so if you
would all like to make your way inside and choose a seat without a fuss, I
would be very grateful.” They all seemed stunned that I was going to be
teaching them and they entered the room reasonably silently; I knew this
control would not last very long. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly,
proud of myself for remaining in control of the situation. I looked and saw
that the person that they had been calling a ‘fag’ was Frank and he looked
positively distraught.
“Hey, Frank. Are you okay?” I asked tentatively. He shook his head violently,
one tear escaping from his eyes which he wiped away swiftly, avoiding looking
at me. “Are you going to be okay to sit through the lesson? I’m sure it would
be fine for you to sit out if you want.”
“No it’s fine… I’m used to it. I don’t want to cause a fuss, it’s not worth it.
They’ll just be even more awful to me if I get them in trouble. I deserve most
of what they do to me anyway.” At that moment all I could see was a broken,
little boy stood in front of me that I couldn’t fix. I didn’t have the skills
to deal with situations like this and it left me feeling completely useless. “I
don’t normally cry either ‘cause it’s a daily thing for me. I guess it’s just
because it’s the first day back and all. I had the whole of spring break
practically free of this… I’m sorry,” he mumbled, not lifting his head up.
“It’s fine, Frank,” I replied. “And you definitely don’t deserve any of this…
no one does. If you need me, I’m always here and happy to talk to you.” He
smiled shakily – it wasn’t at all convincing. Taking a deep breath, I followed
him into the rowdy classroom, intent on taking charge of the lesson.
“SO…!” I shouted to get their attention. “Considering you’re seniors, I’m just
going to introduce myself and then we’ll dive straight into the lesson. I’m Mr
Way and I’m new here, as you’ve probably guessed. So… shall we make a start on
this poetry module?” The class erupted into groans and many people began to
talk amongst themselves, completely ignoring that I was stood at the front of
the classroom attempting to teach a lesson. I realised that this was going to
be hard as even I could not stand poetry. I had read books and books by Poe,
Frost and Dickenson, but I hadn’t enjoyed a single second of it. The
pretentious language just made no sense to me – I much preferred a good novel.
Suddenly, I had a brain wave.
“Who struggles with poetry?” A couple of solitary hands were tentatively raised
in the air. “Be honest please, guys,” I pressed, putting my own hand in the
air. “If I’m being honest, it was my worst area at school.” The entire class
then raised their hands. “Is it the way the ideas are phrased that is the
problem?” The class nodded. “So would it make more sense if it was written in
simpler terms?” they nodded again - this was going far better than I had
expected. “Well, we’ll translate them then! Frank, could you please hand out
these poetry anthologies?” Reluctantly, Frank walked to the front, grabbed the
pile of books and placed one in front of each member of the class.
I read the first poem aloud and then proceeded to get the class to translate it
into what they thought that it all meant. The end product was impressive and
the class seemed to be more subdued.
“Does it make more sense now, guys?” They all nodded in unison. “Okay, well for
the rest of the lesson I’d like you to translate the next poem in the book
please. Jenifer, could you please hand these books out?” I wandered around the
desks, answering any questions that arose before finally reaching Frank, who
was sat in the back corner of the classroom on his own. “How are you feeling?”
I asked.
“Better, thanks. You’re doing an amazing job. No one has ever been able to
control this class and you’ve done it in less than an hour, sir.”
“It’s strange hearing you kids call me sir, but I can’t wait to make Mikey do
it tomorrow.” Frank giggled – smiling genuinely. It was infectious and made me
smile back at him. “I’m glad you feel a bit better now, Frank, but my offer
still stands. I’d like to help if you’ll allow me.” He nodded and I walked back
to the front of the classroom.
“Okay, guys, the bell is about to go, but I just wanted to say that apart from
the start, you were rather good and hardworking this lesson. Oh, and I’m going
to be here every day after school for an hour if you need me and every Friday I
will be dedicating the hour to specifically helping this grade.” The bell rang
half way through my sentence, so I was pretty sure that no one had heard my
announcement.
The last period of the day passed uneventfully and before I knew it the bell
was chiming, signifying the end of the school day. I packed up my work and
strolled out into the reception area, feeling happy and with a sense of
accomplishment. Rosie was in the middle of a conversation with one of the art
teachers about a child not attending lessons and I didn’t want to disturb them,
so I waited in the door way until they were finished. I then strolled up to
her.
“Hi,” I said. She jumped a little.
“Oh, Gerard! You made me jump! Are you ready to go now?”
“Yes if that’s okay - I mean, if I don’t have to stay here and do anything.
I’ve got all my work to take home, so can I go?” I asked, scuffing my shoes
awkwardly against the carpet. I immediately stopped when I realised how
unprofessional I must have looked. Rosie giggled.
“You don’t have to ask permission you know, Gerard. You do have free will in
this place.” I felt myself blushing faintly and I hung my head so that my hair
could cover my cheeks.
“Okay then. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” I mumbled, eventually looking up
into her warm, blue eyes.
“Okidoki Mr Way. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Leaving the reception, I saw Mikey already leaning against the bonnet of my
car, looking rather pleased with his self.
“So, how did it go with Ray?” I asked, unlocking the door and letting us both
in. I buckled up my seatbelt and made a point of waiting until Mikey did the
same, earning myself an exaggerated eye roll in the process.
“It was absolutely amazing!” Mikey was practically bouncing up and down in his
seat. “It was really awkward to begin with, but I kinda’ just asked and he,
like, said yes!”
“I’m proud of you, Mikes,” I said, using the nickname from our childhood. I
started the car engine and began to drive us home. “How did Frank and Bob react
when you told them?”
“Well Bob isn’t one to show much excitement, but he did give us a big man hug,
and Frankie was even more energetic than usual. I think he’s lonely though. He
was acting kind of weird when I saw him in maths… kind of distant.”
“He was upset in English… some guys were picking on him an-”
“Again?!” Mikey Yelled, slamming his fist on the dash board - I jumped, almost
swerving the car off the road. “Those motherfuckers need to lay off Frank. They
don’t even know half of the problems they cause.”
“What do you mean?” I enquired, intrigued as to why Mikey was getting so wound
up over this.
“Frankie would barely even come out during spring break ‘cause he was so
fucking scared of people beating the shit out of him. Why didn’t he tell me,
Gee? We’re meant to be best friends.” Mikey calmed down a little and started to
fiddle with the strap of his seatbelt.
“Maybe he doesn’t want to worry you, Mikes. You know, mom is on a business trip
this weekend, and I’m sure that you and I could organise a sleepover for you,
Ray, Frank and Bob if you wanted.”
“Really, Gee? Oh that would be amazing! Can we sleep downstairs? ‘Cause then we
can watch movies on the big TV and there’d be more room.” Mikey was back to his
rambling self again.
“We’ll see. Let’s check with mom if it’s okay first,” I replied as we pulled
into the drive.
I grabbed my bags from the boot of the car before locking it and walking into
the house. My mother was already stood at the doorway, waiting to pounce on me
and ask me a tonne of questions.
“Hey, sweetie,” she started, kissing my cheek. “How was your first day?” She
ushered me into the living room, only pausing to let me take off my shoes and
place them neatly on the rack.
“Unreal,” I breathed, sitting down and realising that I had made it through the
day without one glitch.
“So… are you going to expand on that?” She asked, smiling at me and clasping my
hand in hers as I began to tell her the story of my day.
“Mom, could Mikey have a sleepover when you’re on your business trip?” I asked
once I had finished my tale.
“I don’t know, Gee. I don’t really know his friends and I’m not going to be
here if anything goes wrong…”
“I’ll be here, mom. I’m Frank’s teacher and I’ve heard a lot about Ray and Bob.
They’re good kids. I promise I won’t let them burn the house down or anything.”
“No drinking,” She said, looking at me sternly.
“Naturally,” I said, smiling and standing up. “Well if you’ll excuse me, I’m
going to go and tell Mikey the good news.” As I walked away I smiled to myself
- Mikey was going to be very happy. I jogged up the stairs and into my room to
change into more comfortable attire, stopping to stare at myself in the mirror.
Mr Way… such an alien phrase. I was used to being called ‘Mrs Way’s son’ or
‘That smart kid that never says anything’, or even ‘Mikey’s brother.’ However,
now I saw a new man in the mirror - A more confident man… an intelligent man… a
man ready to take on the world after all these years of solidarity.
I thought of Rosie and how glad I was that I had met her. I thought of the
gleam she got in her eye when she saw me and the way she changed her body
language. Was this what true friendship was meant to be? Becoming instantly
comfortable and relaxed in the presence of someone? I had never had a proper
friend before, only Mikey. Not that that was a bad thing, but maybe I had
missed out on so much by being the anti-social kid that only left the house to
go to school. Perhaps now I could make friends. Friends in the work place that
I could socialise with at break times and lunch times, and that I could compare
teaching strategies with; I smiled at the thought.
Once I was fully dressed, I walked across to Mikey’s room and rapped on the
door.
“Yeah,” Mikey said as he opened the door, a pen in his mouth and his maths book
in his hand.
“Homework already?” I asked.
“Don’t even talk to me about it ‘cause it’s pissed me off. What do you want?”
“That’s not the way to talk to someone who comes bearing good news!” I
exclaimed, pouting playfully at my brother.
“She said yes?”
“Obviously.” Mikey’s face erupted into the biggest smile I had seen in a while
and he emitted a loud, whooping noise and punched the air.
“Mikey!” Mom called from downstairs. “Be quiet please!”
“Sorry mom!” He yelled back, causing my mother to walk away mumbling to herself
about how “noisy and reckless” Mikey was and how he “doesn’t care about her
nerves.”
“So do you want to come to my room and plan when you have finished your work?”
I asked, already walking back down the hallway.
“Sure thing, bro. I’ll be with you in, like, half an hour.”
“So… how do we do this?” I asked. I had no experience in planning sleepovers,
so I was relying on Mikey’s knowledge to get me through this planning session.
“Well, normally we just tell them to come here at a certain time. We tell them
if they’re going to have dinner here and then we tell them when they have to go
in the morning. Then they tend to ask what they need to bring and you… umm…
tell them.” Mikey had got a notebook settled on his bony knees and was chewing
the end of his pen thoughtfully. “What time do you want them here?”
“Shall we say 5pm? Mom will have been gone for a few hours and so that’ll give
us chance to set up the living room, right?”
“Right,” Mikey replied, jotting it down. “And what are we doing about food?”
“Well, I could cook if you wanted? I was reading this great recipe book and it
had such an interesting recipe for Bolognese… I was thinking I’d like to test
it out some ti-”
“Gerard,” Mikey said, cutting me off mid-ramble. “Normal people order take-out
- Pizza or Chinese?”
“Let’s go for pizza. What toppings?” I asked.
“Frankie’s vegetarian, so just plain old margarita I think. What time are we
kicking them out in the morning?”
“Mom’s back at 6pm,” I began, calculating in my head how long it would take to
clean up. “So shall we say about midday?”
“Perfect. We can sort out films and snacks and junk like that later, but shall
I go text the guys now and ask if they can come?”
“Go for it,” I said, grinning as Mikey left the room with his phone in hand. I
was glad that Mikey finally felt comfortable enough to invite his friends
round, even if they weren’t going to meet our mom. I still wasn’t sure how I
was going to cope with a house full of messy teenage boys, but if I could
handle the kids at school I could cope with Mikey’s friends… as long as I
didn’t make the atmosphere too awkward.
***** Chapter 5 *****
The rest of the week passed as a blur of introductions, lessons, marking books9
and lunch times with Rosie. Despite the fact that there was a perfectly good,
clean staff room in the building, I always spent my lunches sat at the
reception desk with Rosie. We had got to know each other reasonably well by the
end of the week and my awkward episodes were becoming less and less frequent. I
seemed to get on with her exceptionally well and I looked forward to seeing her
every day. As for my other classes, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that
they were all lovely kids – there were however a few exceptions. Teaching
Mikey’s class was surreal because my brother was just sat there and I couldn’t
give him special attention… it was hard not to focus on him for the entire
lesson. I had set homework and genuinely looked forward to coming home and
marking it, seeing how the kids were progressing. I was adapting well to work
life, despite my previous fears. I still avoided unnecessary interaction with
other staff and sometimes I became a bit overwhelmed when my class became
noisy, but there was never anything I couldn’t deal with.
It was Saturday before I knew it and Mikey was bounding around the house with
nervous energy, excited that his friends were going to be round later that day.
I was lying on the sofa watching a documentary about lions on the TV while
Mikey rushed around, getting ready to go out.
“Five hours and thirty minutes, Gee!” he exclaimed, grabbing his black converse
and stuffing his feet into them. “Can we go rent some films now please?”
“Mikey, I’m tired,” I grumbled, turning the TV off and looking up at him. “I’ve
been up all night marking Frank’s class’ homework; please don’t make me go
out!”
“You promised,” he whined. Mikey had been getting on my nerves all day; I
couldn’t understand what was quite so exciting about having friends round for
the night… but then again, his boyfriend was going to be there. I smiled at the
thought and hauled myself upright.
“Are we getting horror films or some slushy, romantic trash for you and Ray?” I
asked, smirking a little at my brother – it earned me a sharp elbow to the rib.
“Fine, I’m getting up. Just stop pestering me!” I yanked on my coat and shoved
my feet into my shoes, locking the door behind us before heading towards the
car where Mikey was already stood.
Upon arriving at the DVD rental store, Mikey made a beeline for the horror
section; rolling my eyes, I put my head down and followed him, carefully
manoeuvring myself through the aisles towards him.
“Hey,” someone suddenly said to me, startling me a little. I looked up and was
greeted by the warm, bright white smile of Rosie who drew me into a hug before
I could even react; my arms stuck out at awkward angles, not sure of what I had
done to deserve a hug, but after a second I hugged her back. “Looking for
something to watch?” she asked.
“Not for me, for my brother, Mikey. He’s over there in the horror section,” I
gestured vaguely in his direction. “He’s having a sleepover tonight and he’s
been pestering me all morning to drive him down here. I’m sure he could have
walked if he was so bothered.”
“You look a lot alike; does he go to our school?”
“Yes,” I replied. “He’s a senior.”
“Is he going away to college after this year?”
“He’s not sure. To be quite honest, I hope he doesn’t,” I said, unintentionally
projecting my thoughts out loud.
“Really?” she asked, cocking her head to the side a little. “Most people are
glad to get rid of their siblings.”
“Oh, no – I love Mikey to bits. He’s my best friend!” I protested. “I just
don’t want him to leave me here alone, I guess.”
“Awh, that’s so cute,” she said, grinning at me and touching my arm. “Well, I
have to go. I’ll see you Monday, okay?”
“Of course – Monday in the reception,” I replied faltering momentarily as she
kissed me on the cheek before regaining my composure. She smiled sweetly at me
and proceeded to leave the store.
“Was that Rosie?” Mikey said smugly, slinking over to me with a large grin on
his face.
“Yes. Wait - that’s Miss Nightingale to you, Mikey! She should be treated like
the other staff.” I said sternly.
“Nah, she lets us call her Rosie. But anyway, why is she going round kissing
creepy English teachers?”
“Mikey! I’m not creepy!” I protested, staring at him with wide eyes. I felt
myself become increasingly anxious and I just wanted to go home. “She’s my
friend, if you must know. Can we just drop this please? Have you chosen your
damn DVDs yet?”
“Friend… okay,” Mikey said, his sly smile still on his face. “And yes, I’ve
chosen my DVDs and I’ve also rented them, so we can go now.” I sighed
gratefully and followed Mikey out of the shop, mumbling under my breath.
“She is my friend.”
“Yeah, right.” I shot Mikey a stern look and he eventually dropped the subject.
So, how’s your job going anyway?” He asked, taking bouncy steps beside me as I
strode back towards the parking lot.
“I love it so much. It’s seriously one of the best things that I’ve done in my
life and although it is a bit scary to have to stand up in front of all those
kids, it’s so worth it. I like knowing that I’m helping people. Making them
intelligent… it’s a nice feeling. How is your relationship going?”
“Hmm? Oh, Ray. It’s pretty non-existent at the moment.” Mikey chuckled
nervously.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh… it’s just that he’s a bit reluctant to do anything. For example, I’ll try
and hold his hand and he’ll giggle a bit then wriggle free. I think he’s a bit
shy, to be honest.” I grinned at Mikey who was going a nice shade of pink.
“That’s so cute!” I exclaimed, pinching his cheeks before getting in the car to
avoid being punched.
“Four hours, Mikey! Four hours! Are you excited?” I asked, jumping up and down
to mimic Mikey’s earlier excitement.
“Don’t mock me, Gee,” he replied, throwing one of the cushions from the sofa at
me.
“I’m not the one watching the clock like a hawk! You need to calm down a bit or
you’ll wear yourself out before your friends even arrive. How about we make a
list of what we need to do?” I asked eagerly, sitting up and reaching for my
notebook and pen.
“Not one of your lists, Gerard! You’re such a fucking organisation freak!”
“But it’ll be fun! So, we need to get the sleeping bags down from the attic;
move the sofa’s back so there’s room in front of the TV; put snacks in bowls
and put them on the coffee table and I need to do some more marking and lesson
planning.”
“That has nothing to do with me,” Mikey said flatly, flicking the TV on.
“No, but you can start by cleaning your room! I went in earlier to fetch your
English book to mark your work and I nearly had a heart attack! It’s been less
than a week, Mikey. How did it get that messy again?! Clean it up now!” I
yelled, scowling as Mikey began to giggle at me. “It’s not funny, Mikey. I
don’t understand you at all.” With that, he left the room giggling to himself.
I sighed – Mikey was so weird.
It was 4:55pm and Mikey was stood by the window, staring out into the dim
street and flinching at every sign of movement he saw. He had reluctantly
cleaned his room and I had set out the living room perfectly – four sleeping
bags around the TV with mountains of cushions and pillows lying around. There
were bowls upon bowls of snacks on the coffee table and I had left two bottles
of soda in the kitchen with four glasses. The popcorn was in the microwave
ready so all Mikey had to do was turn it on when they were ready. I was proud
of what I had accomplished and looked across the living room with delight.
“Mikey, I’m going to go upstairs and do some work… I don’t want to make your
friends uncomfortable when they arrive. I’ll come down at about seven to order
some pizza for you guys if that’s okay,” I asked. I smiled softly when Mikey
nodded silently, biting his nails and still not taking his eyes of the window.
“Have fun, okay? I’m just upstairs if you need me for anything.”
“I’m not a fucking child, Gerard. Stop babying me. I can cope with a fucking
sleepover, which is more than you could ever do,” he snapped, moving his eyes
away from the window for a second to glare at me.
“Fine,” I eventually replied, hurt by Mikey’s outburst. “I’ve done all of this
for you because I just wanted you to be happy, but you obviously don’t
appreciate it at all. Have a nice fucking evening, Mikey,” I spat back,
storming up the stairs. I couldn’t believe he had the cheek to be like that
towards me when all I wanted to do was help. I just wanted him to have a
perfect sleepover with his friends so he could be a normal kid. It was
ridiculous.
Upon reaching my room, I pulled out my laptop and began to plan lessons,
listening to Mikey’s friends arriving. Bob was the first to arrive, then Frank,
then Ray. I could hear them all chatting and giggling through the ceiling - why
did I have to sit in my room feeling worthless and unappreciated while Mikey
had a good time with his friends? I felt angrier than before. Suddenly it
dawned on me that mum was out, so I could put my music on as loud as I fucking
wanted. I put the first CD I lay my hands on into my CD player and I sang as
loud as I could, smashing the keys on the laptop as I typed. I managed to
complete two PowerPoints for Monday – just three more to go. I opened another
word document to begin typing up work sheets for Frank’s class. I wrote a few
questions on the latest poem we had read, making three variations of different
difficulties to allow the students push themselves.
I finished an hour later and felt a lot calmer. I turned my music down and shut
my laptop before moving from my desk to my bed and lying down, staring at the
ceiling. Tears began to form in my eyes and seconds later they were flowing
freely. I couldn’t stop them no matter how hard I tried and my failure just
made me cry even more. I didn’t know what was wrong with me – I had no reason
to be crying. Mikey got angry with me a lot and I knew that it wouldn’t amount
to anything serious, but it still hurt that he was mad at me. His criticisms
hurt me more than anything else because of how much I loved him – it felt awful
to be insulted by someone so influential in my life. Eventually, I pulled
myself together and picked up a book from beside my bed – Bleak House. It was
one of my favourites… it had such a compelling plot, but I couldn’t concentrate
on the words on the page at all.
7pm came about quicker than I had expected and I forced myself to go downstairs
and order the pizza for the boys. I trudged down each step slowly and
reluctantly before emerging into the living room where all four boys turned and
stared at me. They were watching the end of some violent, gory horror film that
I avoided looking at for too long, but I seemed to be far more interesting to
them.
“Hey,” Mikey said. “Can I talk to you in the kitchen, please?” I nodded
solemnly and tried to ignore the multiple pairs of eyes that were focussed on
me as I walked into the kitchen and shut the door. “I’m really sorry, Gee. I
didn’t mean to snap at you… I was just nervous. I really do appreciate
everything that you have done for me today. It means a lot to me… I am having
such a good night and it’s all because of you,” Mikey mumbled to me. “I didn’t
mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset,” I replied quietly.
“Come on, Gee. I can see that you’ve been crying and you were angry earlier… we
could barely hear each other over your music.” I smiled weakly before drawing
Mikey into a hug.
“Pizza?” I asked.
“Pizza.”
Mikey left the kitchen to go and talk to his friends while I ordered the pizza.
I hated talking on the phone as the conversations were always even more awkward
than in real life, but I successfully ordered two extra-large pizzas and then
headed back up to my room to wait for the delivery. As I walked past the living
room, everyone stared at me again.
“I’m not your teacher at the moment, guys. And if you hadn’t noticed, we do
other things than work,” I said sharply, causing them to all turn their heads
away.
“Well how about you join us then,” Ray said, turning back to me with a huge
grin on his face – it was infectious and I smiled back.
“Awh, Ray, but Gerard’s boring,” Mikey teased. “He’s almost as bad at watching
horror films as Frank,” he replied, nudging Frank in the arm.
“Hey!” Frank exclaimed. “I’m not that bad… Look, they’re scary okay!” Frank
crossed his arms and let out a big sigh – it was quite comical.
“I’m okay, Mikey. Seriously… I don’t want to bother you guys…”
“You won’t be bothering us!” Ray chimed in, receiving a look from Mikey that
said ‘later, you’re gonna be dead.’
“I have to eat with you anyway, I guess. Is it okay, Mikey?” I asked, stunned
that I was being asked to join an actual social gathering.
“Fine! But you have to sit with Frank and Bob ‘cause I don’t want you screaming
down my ear all night,” Mikey said, waving me over to the space on the floor
next to Frank.
“Why not? You’ll probably have Ray screaming down your ear all night anyway,
right Mikey?” I responded quickly, smirking a little. Mikey’s jaw fell slack,
Ray went a violent shade of pink and Bob and Frank were helpless with laughter.
“Dude, high five,” Bob said, holding his palm up to me.
Soon after Mikey had put another disc in, the pizza man turned up and Mikey and
his friends set upon it like animals.
“So,” Ray said, looking at me. “What are we meant to call you in situations
like this? Mr Way… or what?”
“Umm, just Gerard, I guess.” I took another bite of the pizza. “We’re not in
school and I’m not being a teacher so Gerard will do,” I replied, rubbing
awkwardly at my neck.
“Gerard,” Frank repeated beside me. I looked at him and he blushed slightly.
“It’s just weird; I have an overwhelming urge to call you ‘sir.’” I laughed.
“Gosh, please don’t. I hate it sometimes. It sounds too formal… and this kind
of situation isn’t formal at all.”
“I like your taste in music, Gerard. Were you playing The Misfits earlier? Nice
choice,” Frank said through a mouthful of pizza.
“Um, thanks. You like them too, I suppose. Nice top,” I said, gesturing to his
band merchandise.
“Thanks!” he exclaimed, beaming and turning back to the TV to watch the film
after we got shushed by Mikey and Ray.
After a while all the pizza was gone, we had watched another two films and
people began to fall asleep – first Ray, and then Bob. A Saw movie was playing
in the background but no one was really watching it. Mikey was stroking Ray’s
hair as he had fallen asleep lying in Mikey’s lap. He kept periodically smiling
at him and his eyes kept drooping closed – he was obviously fighting the urge
to sleep. Bob was completely fast asleep next to me, snoring lightly and moving
a lot in his sleep. Frank and I had given up on watching the films hours ago
and were instead sat talking to each other quietly about music, films, art,
comics… anything that we could think of. We seemed to have a lot in common and
I didn’t find it difficult to keep a conversation going with Frank – maybe my
interactions with Rosie had loosened me up a little.
“Has the bullying calmed down a little?” I finally asked, making Frank look
down and close himself off again.
“It’s not as bad as it was earlier this week… but they still don’t leave me
alone,” he mumbled, picking at a rogue thread on the hem of his t-shirt.
“I’m sorry to bring it up again… it just worried me to see people treating you
like that. It’s not fair and it shouldn’t go unpunished. I want to help,
Frank,” I said sincerely, placing a hand on his knee. “I really do.” Frank
looked up at me with big, wide eyes and smiled.
“Thank you, Gerard.”
“I’m going to bed,” I whispered to Mikey, standing up carefully as so not to
wake Bob from his slumber.
“Really?” Frank piped up, suddenly looking sad again. “Do you have to go? It
was fun talking to you.”
“Why don’t you just sleep down here, Gerard?” Mikey mumbled. “Just make up your
mind quickly… I want to get some fucking sleep.”
“Calm down… and I would but I don’t have a sleeping bag, idiot.”
“You can have mine,” Frank offered. “I have a hoodie I can use as a kind of
make-shift blanket and there are plenty of pillows to go round.”
“Really?” I asked, in the same tone of surprise that Frank had used earlier.
“That’s really nice of you, Frank… Thanks.” I smiled at him and he beamed back.
“No problem at all.”
Morning soon came around, and I woke up with Frank’s face barely inches from my
own. I squeaked in shock which of course woke him up.
“’m sorry,” he mumbled groggily, rubbing his eyes. “I didn’t mean to roll so
close.”
“It’s okay. I’m just not used to sleeping near people,” I chuckled.
“It seems Mikey is,” Frank whispered, jerking his head in my brother’s
direction. He was still asleep, cuddled right up to Ray with their noses
touching – it was unbelievably cute.
“Do you want some breakfast?” I asked, sitting up and stretching. Frank nodded.
“Vegetarian, right?”
“Yup,” he said, smiling as if he was happy I had remembered.
“Cool. Do you want to wake the others up and ask them what they want for
breakfast? I’ll go make us some pancakes.”
“Awesome! Yeah, I’ll get them up, Gerard,” he replied, standing up. I left the
room and let Frank jump on Ray and Mikey to wake them up. They screamed and
groaned and Frank giggled. I smiled to myself – it had been a good evening for
Mikey.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Mikey’s friends stayed around until about twelve o’clock when they began to
leave. Bob was the first to leave and was picked up by his mom at midday
because he had to visit family across town, but Ray and Frank stayed for
another hour or so. We all lounged on the sofa or the floor, too tired to do
anything useful with our time. Mikey flicked on the TV and began to search
through the channels, finally deciding on a channel that was showing some
cartoons but he didn’t watch very much of it. He went upstairs with Ray instead
to ‘show him some of his comic books.’ Frank and I ended up sat awkwardly on
the sofa making conversation as best we could, knowing full well that the comic
books upstairs had probably not even been touched. Eventually, the two other
boys returned just as Frank was pulling his shoes on to leave.
“Do you guys want a lift?” Mikey offered, assuming that I would be happy to
take the boys home.
“No thanks,” Frank answered. “I’d like to get some fresh air to wake me up a
bit.” I was inwardly glad that he had declined the offer, as I didn’t
particularly want to leave the house.
“I’ll walk back with you, Frank,” Ray said, tugging his jacket on. Frank was
already stood by the door looking impatiently at the taller boy.
“Okay,” Frank said before walking up to Mikey and giving him a hug. “I’ll see
you on Monday. Bye, Gerard,” he said, turning to me and giving me an awkward
wave. I smiled at him and said goodbye too.
“Bye, Gerard. I’ll see you Monday!” Ray gushed, giving me another infectious
grin. I smiled back and thanked him for coming. Mikey gave Ray a quick peck on
the lips and I smiled again – it was really rather cute.
Mikey shut the door and began gathering pillows and sleeping bags to take
upstairs.
“Did you enjoy showing Ray your comics?” I asked wryly. Mikey shot me another
one of his ‘please don’t do this to me’ looks.
“He thought they were cool, thank you very much, Gee. Mom’s going to be home in
a few hours so we need to clean this house,” he said, changing the subject. It
was then that I looked around the once pristine living room and noticed that it
was as if a bomb had gone off in the living room. I squeaked and immediately
began scurrying around, picking up rubbish, pillows, crumbs and empty pizza
boxes. I tidied, scrubbed, vacuumed and polished the house until every surface
practically gleamed and there were no remnants of the sleepover left. It didn’t
take as long as I had previously expected to achieve this, but we were both
wiped out by the end of it – despite the fact that it was me who had done most
of the work. The hard work and lack of sleep the night before got on top of us
and we both fell asleep on the sofa - half lying on each other, half hanging
off the edge.
We were woken up by our mother’s return a couple of hours later. She
immediately noticed the bounce in Mikey’s step and was impressed by how tidy I
had managed to keep the house – she even agreed to let Mikey have more
sleepovers in the future which he was obviously incredibly excited about.
Despite her getting back late, dinner was still on the table at 6:45pm on the
dot and we caught up on how mom’s conference had gone. Mikey escaped to his
room as soon as possible, presumably to play video games, but I stayed behind
to help my mother. After washed the dishes and pots from the meal, I retired to
my room to do mark some homework for my ninth graders. However, I was still far
too tired and I couldn’t concentrate on the dull documents, so I gave up and
lay in my bed instead, picking up the first book I lay my hands on – Great
Expectations. At about half past eleven, I was interrupted by Mikey knocking on
my door softly so as not to wake up our mother who was already fast asleep a
few rooms down.
“Hey, Gee,” he began, flopping down on my bed next to me and grinning at me
inanely. I rolled over to face him.
“What do you want, Mikey. It’s late and you have school tomorrow you know.”
“It’s not that late and so do you,” he replied, sticking his tongue out at me;
I tried to conceal my smile, but failed miserably. “So, how did you find my
friends?”
“I’ve seen them before, Mikey,” I said, rolling back over onto my back and
staring up at the ceiling, praying he would leave soon so I could get a decent
night’s sleep.
“Yeah, but not like this. You’ve seen them before… not met them,” Mikey said,
sighing exasperatedly.
“Granted, I have never met Bob in person, but I teach both Ray and Frank.”
“Gerard! Can you just answer the question please?!” I grinned, knowing how
infuriatingly uncooperative I was being.
“They were nice… Bob seemed like a decent guy and I think Ray will be a good
influence on you and I think he could make you happy… and Frank – well, he’s
just so sweet,” I said, smiling at Mikey. “He’s so compliant and respectful.
You should aim to be a little more like your friends yourself, Mikey.”
“Fuck you!” Mikey said, opening his mouth in mock astonishment and hitting my
arm with a reasonable force.
“Fuck you too, Mikey. Now get out of my bed because I would like to try and get
a good night’s sleep. You complained every day last week because you were
‘tired’ in the morning - try getting more than six hours of sleep then!” Mikey
thumped me again, before drawing me into a hug and leaving. I fell into a deep
sleep almost seconds after he had left.
I awoke just before my alarm went off the next day and got out of bed like a
shot, feeling reasonably refreshed. I didn’t have to wake Mikey up for another
hour, so I went downstairs to make myself a cup of black coffee – how I had
started every day for years. I was surprised to see my mom sat at the kitchen
table, reading some of her work documents closely and sighing deeply.
“Mom?” I said tentatively, walking over to the table and sitting down next to
her. I immediately feared the worst. A redundancy notice? Bills we couldn’t
afford? Repossession of the house? “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing really, sweetheart. I’m just having a dilemma. Apparently I
represented the company really well on the business trip Saturday and now they
would like me to go to a huge, very important conference in Ireland for a week
in two weeks’ time.” I let out a deep breath, mentally scolding myself for
overreacting so severely.
“That’s amazing, mom. I’m so proud of you!” I said, standing behind her and
giving her a congratulatory hug.
“I don’t know whether to take it or not… I mean, they’re going to pay me a lot
of money to attend, and I haven’t been abroad since your dad passed away. I
think that I would enjoy it… and the money would always be a bonus. I need all
I can get to boost Mikey’s college fund in case he decides to go. Then again,
it’s so long for you to be alone in this house looking after Mikey – you’ve
never been alone for that long before.”
“Oh it’s fine, mom – honestly!” I replied with zest, smiling at her and cupping
her hand in mine. “I managed myself for four years in England so I think I can
control a house by myself. Also Mikey doesn’t need that much looking after. As
long as there is food in the house, he will be fine. It would be a great
opportunity for you and it’s not like Mikey and I would perish if we’re left
alone, right? We were fine this weekend when you were away, and the house was
in perfect condition when you got back.”
“I know, honey, but I don’t think it’s very responsible of me to leave my
little babies alone.”
“Mom. I’m not a child anymore, you know… and neither is Mikey.” I sat back in
my chair and scowled at the floor.
“Oh yes, because you are acting like such an adult at the moment aren’t you.”
“Very witty,” I replied in my most sulky tone. Mikey descended the stairs
moments later stumbling into the kitchen and putting the kettle on to boil.
“Oh my god,” I exclaimed, clutching my chest in mock horror and leaning against
the kitchen counter. “You’re out of bed and I didn’t have to venture into your
pit to collect you! Put this in your diary, mom. This is a day you’ll remember
for the rest of your life.” Mikey flipped me off behind moms back and with that
I picked up my half full mug of coffee and returned to my bedroom to get ready
for work.
When I went downstairs to put my shoes on, I was surprised to see Mikey already
waiting eagerly by the door.
“Who rattled your cage this morning?” I asked, smiling at him.
“I’m just excited… that’s all,” Mikey replied, shrugging nonchalantly.
“What for?” I asked as we walked out to the car together, locking the door
behind us. “Because I know it’s not for your math test – you’ve done no
revision for it, Mikey!”
“Don’t sweat it! I’m good at math… it will be fine, ‘nd I’m just excited to see
Ray.” I started the engine and watched Mikey check his hair in the mirror; I
chuckled to myself.
“Suit yourself,” I shrugged, beginning to drive. “If you fail, mom is going to
be really pissed off. So you need to try your best.” Mikey just sighed at me
and pressed play on the CD, singing along as loud as he could and head banging.
Mikey practically jumped out of the car practically the second I put the brakes
on and ran straight up to Ray, jumping on his back and clinging to his hair
like a bridle. I giggled to myself.
“You seem like a morning person,” a soft voice said from behind me. I turned to
see Rosie locking up her car and walking towards me, sashaying her hips.
“Good morning, Rosie. You’ve changed the colour of your lipstick today – the
pale pink certainly suits you,” I said, smiling myself as I watched a large
grin spread across her face. “It brings out the colour of your eyes more.”
“I also see that you’re rather bubbly and confident today. Good weekend?” She
asked as we walked towards student reception.
“Yes, for once. Mikey had a sleepover and his friends were exceptionally
welcoming to me – they allowed me to join them in watching horror films and
eating all the junk food; it was awesome!”
“Ooh, well you’ll have to tell me about it soon, but I have a job to get on
with,” she said, winking at me. “How about we meet up for a drink after
school?” I froze for a second but regained composure quickly.
“I’m really sorry, but I’m not free tonight,” I replied, feeling guilty as I
watched her natural, gleaming smile become forced and her eyes became a little
sad.
“Oh, ok. No problem at all. I’m sure you’re a very busy man, Mr Way – maybe we
could schedule this date for another time?”
“Of course, Rosie. We can discuss it over lunch… Well, I have to go and set up
my lesson and you have to man the reception, so I’ll see you later,” I mumbled.
“Your lesson doesn’t start for another half an hour!” She shouted after me as I
walked down the corridor at great speed.
“I have a lot to set up!” I called back, shoving my hands in my pockets and
going outside to find Mikey, who was now hiding in a corner of the yard
smoking.
“Mikey, I need to talk to you,” I said upon reaching the corner of the school
yard that he was lurking in, glaring at the cigarette in his hand until he
extinguished it.
“What do you want, Gerard. I’m busy; don’t you have a classroom to be
organising?”
“Shut up, Mikey – this is serious. I think I just got asked out on a date by
Miss Nightingale,” I whispered, blushing and rubbing my neck.
“Rosie?” Mikey asked, wide eyed. I nodded and made a non-committal humming
noise. “Well what did you say to her this morning to make her ask you?”
“I- I don’t know,” I stammered. “I just told her that her lipstick brought out
the colour of her eyes.” Mikey groaned.
“Gerard that is so flirty. Anyway, are you going to say yes?”
“No… no way.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t feel like that, Mikey… plus it’s very unprofessional,” I
replied, raising my head a little and wrinkling my nose. “Relationships in the
workplace are looked down upon in most establishments.”
“Maybe it’s just because you’re a loser and you’re scared, Gerard. You don’t
even know how to be with someone,” Mikey replied shortly. I stepped back.
“You’re a dick,” I muttered and walked off, realising Mikey was going to be no
help today.
“I’m sure you’re not allowed to say that to students!” he called after me; I
could hear the smile in his voice. I stormed off to my classroom to prepare my
lesson for the seventh graders. They could be quite rowdy, but most of the time
they were easily controlled.
I avoided the reception area at lunch, although I felt bad for leaving Rosie
alone. I stayed in my classroom, eating my packed lunch on my own and reading
over some of the work my previous class had handed in. I couldn’t concentrate
though… there just wasn’t anything right about liking Rosie – it didn’t matter
how hard I tried to picture her as my girlfriend, it just didn’t seem right.
She was a colleague and a good friend but I simply did not like her like that.
I began to think about what Mikey had said to me earlier – maybe I was weird
and incapable of holding a relationship. I was drawn from my thoughts by a soft
knock at the door – my stomach dropped and I hoped that it wasn’t Rosie coming
to look for me instead.
“Come in,” I called, swivelling my chair around to face the door. The doorknob
turned and Frank walked in - I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I was
holding. “Hello, Frank,” I said, smiling from ear to ear. “Can I help you with
anything?”
“Umm… I didn’t really understand the poem that we did on Thursday, and I was
wondering if you could help me… if you’re not bust, I mean,” he said, wringing
his hands anxiously and looking at the floor.
“Why didn’t you mention it in class?” I asked; he shrugged in response. “Or you
could have asked me at Mikey’s sleepover.”
“That was out of school though, and I didn’t think that you would have wanted
to be dealing with school work at the weekend.”
“You can ask me whenever, Frank – I work most of the time when I’m at home
anyway. So do you want to come and sit down and go over it now?” I asked,
earning a large grin from him.
I spent the entire of lunch going through the poem thoroughly with Frank,
revelling in the attention that he paid me – undivided and intense. I felt like
a guiding figure and like I was making a significant difference to this small
boy’s education, even though it was a very small section of the course. Frank
nodded when I said important and valuable things, and jotted them down quickly
in his notebook, which I noticed to have a ‘Batman’ design on the cover.
“Hey,” I said, making Frank jump. He raised his eyes from the book to look at
me. “That’s a cool notebook.” I grinned, and Frank mirrored my action. “Is this
making more sense now that I’ve explained it like this?”
“Yeah… I guess it’s just hard to know exactly what the author means,” Frank
said quietly.
“Well we don’t know exactly what they mean – that’s what makes poetry so
difficult,” I mused allowed. Frank looked at me with confusion and I smiled
softly at him. “For example, this poem is blatantly about someone losing
someone special to you, but there are different ways to interpret it. You could
say that the author’s message is that death is sometimes a blessing, as the
girl he’s talking about was blatantly suffering or he could be talking about
the tragedy of death and how hard it is for the people left behind. Both
interpretations can be backed up, so neither is incorrect. It’s all about
interpretation and perception – no one can tell you that how you feel when you
read something is wrong. Your interpretations, your opinions, your beliefs and
your feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s – as long as you can justify
them. ” Frank stared at me, overwhelmed by what I had said. I blushed a little
as he continued to lock eyes with me.
The bell suddenly rang, making us both jump, and Frank got up to leave; he
gushed a ‘thank-you’ and gathered his work, scurrying out of the classroom like
a frightened mouse. I pouted as I realised I had been left alone in the stuffy
classroom, wondering what had made Frank leave so abruptly. I shook my head,
stood up, walked to the computer and loaded up the files for my next class,
remembering that I had left Rosie sat on her own for the entire of lunch. I had
spent the entire lunch helping a student… she ought to understand that matters
of education must come before personal affairs. She didn’t have to know that I
had no intention of making an arrangement in the first place.
***** Chapter 7 *****
I completed my last two lessons somewhat reluctantly and quietly, my mind
preoccupied with thoughts of Rosie while my mouth kept rambling about
persuasive techniques. The students were unusually quiet which helped me to
concentrate on what my choices were from now onwards. I could try speaking to
her, I could leave a note on her desk in the reception or I could simply avoid
her for the rest of the day. But then what would I do in the days after? I knew
I would have to speak to her at some point… why not now, before it got too
awkward? I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind and forced myself to
continue with the lessons – it would have been far too selfish to jeopardize
the education of my students for my own shortcomings. I feared that I had
destroyed the basis of my first friendship, but at the same time I felt that it
was important to me that I went over that work with Frank – I shouldn’t be made
to feel guilty for helping a student, right? Of course, it wasn’t Frank’s fault
at all… just a fault of my own over-working nature. I finally managed to shake
the overwhelming feeling at the end of fourth period only to have the guilt
return in an even stronger form as the bell rang, signalling the end of period
five.
The bell rang, startling me out of my lament and the students immediately began
to gather their belongings and pack their equipment into their bags. I sat down
heavily in my chair, realising that I couldn’t hide from Rosie any longer and
that I would have to face her very soon – I wished that it would be later but
knew I had to walk through the reception to get to my car.
“You can leave when you’re ready, guys,” I said to the class, gesturing weakly
towards the door. They began to leave the room as quickly as possible, pushing
and shoving each other to get out of the classroom before the others. I sighed
deeply. Whilst putting my work away in my bag, I began to formulate a speech to
give to Rosie upon arrival at reception. “Hi… I’m really sorry for not coming
at lunch time. No… I’m sorry I didn’t come down to see you earlier. Argh!” I
threw my bag down in frustration and put my head in my hands on the desk.
“Gerard, what are you doing?” I heard a familiar voice say from the doorway.
“Go away, Mikey,” I replied, looking up to see my brother leaning casually
against the door frame. “Why are you here?”
“You’re meant to be taking me home, genius.” He walked into the room and sat at
the desk opposite me.
“Look, Gerard… I take it you didn’t go to see Rosie at lunch?” he asked. I
nodded slowly. “Yeah, I thought so. Frank said he was with you, getting some
work done because he was struggling a bit. I was really proud of him, you know.
He’s been struggling with school for years and you’ve finally been the one to
get him to seek help. Anyway, at least you managed to put him in a good mood…
that’s more than me, Ray and Bob could do.”
“Why, what’s wrong with him?” I asked, a hint of worry creeping into my voice.
“That doesn’t matter; I’ll tell you later,” he said quickly, waving away the
topic. “Anyway – you blew her off. Deal with it! Why are you sat in here
beating yourself up over it? Just go down to the reception, apologize and then
tell her you’re not interested instead of hiding up here... Let her down easy.
You’re such a baby, Gerard. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that you’re the
older brother.”
“I can’t do that anyway, Mikey,” I said, rolling my eyes at him. “It’s rude!”
“So is ignoring her for a whole day,” he pointed out in an all-knowing fashion.
I wrinkled my nose and looked downwards, accepting defeat and acknowledging
that I was the person in the wrong here.
“What am I meant to say to her though? It’s difficult for me.”
“That’s ‘cause you’re too fucking socially awkward. You’re such an idiot
sometimes you know, Gerard. You’re smart but you still can’t do anything for
yourself when it comes to people. Why don’t you like her anyway? She’s nice,
smart, pretty… I just don’t get it,” Mikey said, cocking his head a little and
looking straight into my eyes; I looked away, feeling uncomfortable. I shrugged
and squirmed in my seat.
“I just don’t feel anything… and I value our friendship too much,” I replied,
clasping my hands in my lap and avoiding making eye contact with Mikey.
“Do you feel anything with anyone else?”
“I don’t think so. Besides, I don’t speak to anyone else and I probably
wouldn’t know even if I did. Anyway, your question was irrelevant as I wouldn’t
tell you if I did anyway!” I exclaimed, grabbing my bag and walking hastily
towards the reception area with Mikey trotting along behind me in close
pursuit.
“Where were you at lunch?” Rosie asked the second I stepped through the
foreboding double doors that lead into the reception area. Mikey had decided to
wait outside by the car – I was left to my own devices and I had never felt
more intimidated before in my life. There was an impatient look in Rosie’s eyes
that demanded an answer from me.
“I was helping one of my students with their poetry work… they were
struggling,” I said quietly, shuffling awkwardly on the spot.
“Really? Which one?”
“Frank.”
“Iero?”
“Yes…”
“For the entire of lunch?”
“Yes!” She folded her arms and looked directly into my eyes, smirking as if she
had won.
“Well that’s really strange, because he was stood outside the front here with
your brother and his friends for the first ten minutes of lunch – why didn’t
you come down in that time? You weren’t busy, I presume?” she said, raising one
eyebrow - my stomach dropped.
“Look – I didn’t come because I didn’t come. I am not obliged to come down here
every lunch time,” I snapped, raising my head slightly. “I like my own space a
lot and sometimes I just don’t want to be around people.”
“Fine,” she replied, dropping her arms to her sides and looking down. “I’m
sorry, okay? You’re not into me and that’s completely fine… I guess I’ve just
got to get over it, right?”
“I guess… I mean, I think that would be best. I’m really sorry though, Rosie. I
just don’t feel anything between us and I’d rather not lead you on,” I replied.
“I understand, but can I ask you something?” she asked tentatively.
“Yes, of course.”
“Is there someone else? Or is it because I’m a woman? Or… something else?” I
blinked a few times before composing myself.
“No… no there’s no one else. I’m also pretty sure that your gender isn’t the
reason either. I haven’t liked anyone before and I just don’t think that this
is the feeling I’m meant to experience,” I explained.
“Okay then – at least I know I didn’t lose you to someone else,” she giggled
weakly. I looked at her and furrowed my brow a little – I wasn’t a prize to be
won and lost. I was a human being and no one’s property. “Well I’ll see you
tomorrow morning then, Mr Way,” she said, turning round and scurrying off,
leaving me stood there feeling guiltier than before.
“Mikey… do you think it’s possible that I could be gay?” I asked my brother the
minute we had driven out of the car park. I saw him roll his eyes quickly.
“That’s a really weird question, Gee. How the fuck am I supposed to know – you
don’t like people in general, regardless of their gender!” Mikey exclaimed,
gazing out of the window at the passing streets.
“Maybe I do… how am I meant to know if I like someone? How would you personally
define liking someone, Mikey?”
“Umm… I’m not sure,” he replied distantly.
“Well how do you feel when you see Ray?” I asked, using the obvious example. A
blush appeared on Mikey’s cheeks – it was so sweet.
“Well, I feel happy when I see him – but not just normal happy. It’s not like
the feeling you get when you buy a new video game or have pizza for dinner…
it’s like an overwhelming happiness that fills your whole body from head to toe
and makes your heart skip a beat. Also, when I see him it feels like I haven’t
talked to him in months, even though I saw him the day before. When I’m with
him I feel whole, but when I have to leave I instantly want to text him or call
him, just to talk to him a bit more. I want to touch him all the time… even
just holding hands… it’s comforting. I think that once you meet the person
you’re meant to be with, you can’t imagine life before them or a life without
them no matter how hard you try – and the thought alone of them not being here
anymore is just too much to handle. He just makes me feel really warm and
comfortable, I guess. Is that the sort of answer you’re looking for?” Mikey
said, his blush becoming more obvious and spreading to his neck.
“But I feel like that with books. They make me overwhelmingly happy; I feel
like I haven’t read them in months, even though I read one yesterday; I like to
have one in my bag at all times because they comfort me and I couldn’t imagine
life without reading. Love doesn’t make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense, Gee, you’re just fucking weird!” Mikey said, laughing
so hard at my confused expression that he snorted.
“At least I don’t snort when I laugh,” I grumbled, pulling into the drive way
of the house.
I got out the car and locked it, following Mikey up the bright white steps to
the front door. It was unlocked, meaning that mom was home from work which was
unusual on a Monday night – she didn’t normally return until 4:30, and it was
barely even four o’clock. I unlaced my shoes and placed them neatly on the shoe
rack, tutting as I had to straighten Mikey’s shoes that he had blatantly just
thrown onto the wire rack haphazardly.
“Mom?” I called out, loosening my tie as I entered the living room. She was sat
in front of the television watching some form of cooking programme, but was
startled by my entry and looked up.
“Shush, baby – not so loud,” she said, touching her forehead with the back of
her hand.
“Why are you home so early?” I said, quieter this time, sitting down by my
mother’s feet.
“I’m ill, and the company practically had to drag me out of the office to make
me go home. This is the first day that I’ve had off since your dad’s funeral,
Gerard… I’m not used to this. But I’ve had a lot of time to think today and
I’ve decided that I’m going to take the opportunity that they offered me and go
to Ireland for this conference. I was mainly worried about leaving you two
alone, but I’ve decided that you’re old enough to look after yourself and Mikey
should be capable of staying out of trouble. Am I correct?” she asked, standing
up straight and clasping her hands in front of her chest.
“Of course, mom. So are you going to go to bed and rest now? You really should
try and sleep off this fever…” I asked, controlling the excitement inside of me
expertly.
“Oh good heavens, no!” she replied. “I have a conference to prepare for, so I
would appreciate it greatly if you and Mikey could both stay upstairs and until
dinner time.” I nodded and started to head towards the stairs. “Oh, and can you
tell Mikey to keep his music down please?” she called after me, touching her
forehead again.
“Okay!” I called back in a more hushed tone, and proceeded to ascend the
stairs.
First, I went to my room to change and file away all of my work from the day. I
checked the glowing digits on the clock beside my bed – 4:15pm. I was cutting
it fine if I wanted to get all of my work done and achieve a reasonably good
night’s sleep, but I had to give Mikey the good news now so that he could start
making plans if he wanted another sleepover. I put all of my work clothes in my
laundry basket before padding quietly across the landing to Mikey’s room. I
knocked three times and waited for him to answer. He called a quick “come in”
and I tentatively opened the door, expecting to be confronted with the same
dump of a room as the other day. I was, however, greeted by a most pleasant
sight – his room was clean for once.
“Nice job on the cleaning, Mikey,” I said, looking around his room and noticing
that actually it wasn’t as clean as I had first thought, as many things were
out of place - I resisted the urge to straighten it all. “I have some good news
for you.” Mikey was lying carelessly on his bed flicking through a comic, but
closed it and sat up after I had spoken. “Shouldn’t you be doing your
homework?” He rolled his eyes at me.
“Shouldn’t you be trying to decipher your sexual preferences?” he smirked at
me. I simply scowled in response. “I don’t have much homework anyway. I’ll get
it done before I go to bed… maybe. Anyway – what’s the good news?”
“I’m starting to think that I don’t have any sexual preferences at all to be
honest with you, Mikey. And anyway, that’s not what I’m here to talk about.
Mom’s going away for a business trip in two weeks’ time and she’s going to be
gone for a whole week, so I was going to suggest that you had a sleepover or
something that weekend if you wanted to.”
“Fuck yes!” Mikey exclaimed; I immediately shushed him but couldn’t help
smiling at his excitement. “Sorry! But of course I do! I need to ask Mom if I
can sleep at Ray’s house this Saturday though… is she in a bad mood?” I nodded.
“She’s ill and she’s stressed about this conference, so I wouldn’t try talking
to her now… she might bite your head off.”
“Oh… well I’ll ask her tomorrow I guess.”
“Well, I’m not planning on telling mum about this sleepover as it will just
make her worry while she’s away. So we need to keep the planning on the quiet,
and don’t tell her anything about it when she gets back.” Mikey nodded and
looked back at his comic book. There was an awkward silence as I remained on
his bed, even though the conversation seemed over.
“How is it going with Ray anyway?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as
possible.
“Fine,” was Mikey’s short answer – he never moved his eyes away from his book.
I nodded and sat for a while more in awkward silence.
“Mikey… you are being safe aren’t you,” I eventually asked.
“Jesus Christ, Gerard!” Mikey said, snapping the book shut – it startled me so
much that I practically fell off the edge of his bed. “You can’t ask me things
like that… it just makes everything so awkward!”
“I’m sorry, Mikes. It’s just that you’re only young and I want you to be
careful.”
“I’m fully aware of that, and you’re just jealous because you’re so much older
than me and still can’t get laid.”
“No, Mikey, I’m really really not,” I said, before sticking my middle finger up
at him and leaving the room hastily to complete my work for the night.
After working solidly for two hours, having a break for dinner and then
returning to do another hour of work, I found myself not knowing what to do. I
had completed my work for the night and had even made a head start on some
lesson plans for a few weeks in advance. I sat back in my chair and stretched
my legs out under the desk, placing my hands behind my head and leaning back
slightly – hopefully, this was going to be the night that I got enough sleep
and wouldn’t feel dead on my feet in the morning. I quickly changed into my
softest pyjamas and got into bed, pulling the huge duvet up to my chin – my
room was oddly cool for the time of year. I had just got completely comfortable
and was drifting off to sleep when Mikey entered my room without even knocking
first.
“Mikey, go away,” I groaned, reluctantly opening my eyes.
“You’re going to sleep already, Gee? It’s barely even nine o’clock… are you ill
or something?” Mikey asked, concern creeping into his voice.
“No I’m fine, Mikey… I’m just tired and wanted to get an early night. What do
you want anyway?” I replied, realising that he wasn’t going to leave until he
had said what he wanted to say.
“I just wanted to say thank you for trusting me enough to have my friends over.
I know that mom doesn’t like it, but it means a lot that you are going to let
them stay over again so soon,” he said quietly. Despite the fact that my room
was pitch black, I knew that Mikey was rubbing his hands together awkwardly
because that’s what Mikey did when he was overwhelmed.
“Mikey it’s fine,” I said, the smile evident in my voice. “I just want you to
be happy.” Mikey rushed over to my bed and lay on me, hugging me and crushing
me at the same time. “Thanks, Mikes. Can you please get off me now though? I
want to go to sleep… and I’m sure you have some homework to complete.” Mikey
groaned but still got up and left, closing the door behind him to leave me in
peace.
***** Chapter 8 *****
The following two weeks passed as a blur. The night that I had delivered the
good news to Mikey had been my last good night of sleep and simultaneously the
last night that anyone in our small family had been in a good mood. My mom was
becoming more and more tense every day, having to organise transport for to
Ireland for herself, writing and collecting her notes for the conference and
packing her suitcase with the essentials for her trip. The closer it got to her
leaving date, the more insufferable she became. She snapped at Mikey and I
every time we set a toe out of line, which began to grate on my nerves as I was
a fully grown man and didn’t need a lecture every time I did something that she
didn’t want me to do. On one occasion, Mikey was late home from school and mom
ranted at him for a good half an hour about how he ‘can’t be trusted’ and how
she was going to have to cancel her trip because she needed to stay at home and
look after him. Needless to say, she didn’t follow through.
Personally, I was so absorbed in my work that the world outside of school
seemed like a blur of mundane daily routines – I had lost pleasure in doing
anything I used to do. I barely read, I didn’t visit the art store at all and
my comic books lay abandoned on the top shelf of my bookcase. It seemed
impossible to move away from my laptop when I was at home and it got to the
point where my eyes were aching every night when I went to bed… if I went to
bed. I began to live off a diet of coffee and cola, not even bothering to take
a packed lunch to work anymore. I was, however, still forced to eat dinner
which was still served at 6:45 promptly, despite all the problems going on in
the house. After having eaten, I would return to my room immediately and not
emerge for the rest of the night.
The combination of my mother’s negative attitude and my reclusiveness was
taking its toll on Mikey – even his relationship with Ray was suffering
severely. The only time that he had spent time alone with Ray in that two week
period was the weekend that he stayed at Ray’s house, but after that he acted
as if his friends didn’t even exist anymore. Mikey began to never leave the
house except for when he was forced to go to school – even then he would just
skulk off to his classroom straight away before saying a passing ‘hello’ to his
friends. Closer to the start date of the conference, he also began turning his
phone off and staying in his room all day, only emerging to get food or go to
the toilet. The house was no longer filled with the sound of his video games
blasting out of his TV speakers and because I was in a terrible state myself, I
never concerned myself with checking in on him. I could see what he was doing
to himself but I had neither the time nor the will to intervene. We were all
slowly destroying ourselves.
The day before our mother left was the breaking point for Mikey. It was
Thursday night and I was sat at my laptop again, staring blankly at the bright
screen and not even typing – I didn’t have anything left to write. I heard my
door slam open and saw Mikey storming towards me.
“Mikey!” I yelled, practically jumping out of skin because of his dramatic
entrance.
“I want a party,” Mikey said shortly and definitively, sitting down heavily on
my bed. I turned my chair away from the desk to face him.
“You mean with Ray, Bob and Frank?” I asked uncertainly, beginning to bite my
lower lip cautiously.
“No, I want to invite lots of people. This life that we’ve got used to here
isn’t a normal life, Gerard! Normal teenagers don’t act like this. Just because
you decided that you didn’t want to follow the path that most people take
doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be allowed to make my own mistakes. I don’t want this
life anymore. I want to be like all the other guys in my grade! They go out.
They get pissed. They fuck strangers. Why can’t I do that, Gee?” His voice
cracked and tears began streaming down his face. I went over to him quickly,
sitting down next to him on my bed and putting my arm around his shoulder in a
feeble attempt to comfort him.
“Mikey… mom didn’t even want you having a sleepover here because it’s too much
hassle but she allowed you to do that – don’t push your luck. There is no way
she will let you have a party… not when she’s in a different county and
especially not with alcohol,” I replied, trying to gently supply Mikey with the
truth of the matter. I could feel him shaking slightly beneath my arm, but I
couldn’t tell whether it was from rage or just from being upset.
“Mom doesn’t have to know about it.”
“Yes she does, Mikes.”
“Why?” he asked violently, slamming his fist down on my mattress. “She’s not
going to be here! We could have it this Saturday and then it’s half term the
week after! We’ll have the whole week to sort the house out and get everything
back to normal, Gee. Please… It would mean the world to me if we could just do
this one thing,” he said, looking up at me with big, sparkling, brown eyes – he
looked so upset that I couldn’t resist it.
“Fine… fine,” I sighed, giving in. “But this one time and one time only! Do not
expect this to become some kind of weekly, acceptable thing, Mikey. This is
completely ridiculous though – I’m a teacher for heaven’s sake and I’m going to
allow a group of minors drink under my roof? I teach some of the kids that
you’re friends with! I fucking hate you, Mikey.” I sulked, slouching a little.
“I love you so much, Gee. You’re the best brother ever!” Mikey said, hugging me
tightly before jumping up and running back to his room, presumably to text or
call all of his friends and inform them that there would be a party here on
Saturday night.
I leaned backwards to lie on my bed and put my hands on my forehead, trying to
calm down a little. This was completely irresponsible of me and could destroy
the professional relationship I had with some of the kids, not to mention the
consequences that would arise if any of my co-workers found out about it. My
head was swimming with worries and justifications, trying to make some sense of
the situation.
“Right,” I said to myself. “We live in a detached house, so the neighbours
shouldn’t be bothered by the noise… they’re used to us playing loud music
anyway so they probably won’t even notice. If I pretend that I’m going away
that weekend it should cover my back if any of the staff from school hear about
it. If I wasn’t there and pretend to not know what was going on, then I could
potentially avoid getting in major trouble. I will have keep to myself in my
room so that none of the students have reason to think I condone the party and
wish to take part… that would be an awful outcome. All of the valuables will
have to be moved upstairs so that there is no damage and the house will have to
be perfect again by the time mom gets home. That shouldn’t be too hard of a
task though considering how quickly I can clean…” I rolled my eyes and mentally
reprimanded myself for agreeing to this – it was going to be far more hassle
than it was worth. I rolled my eyes and decided to get into bed properly and
try to sleep for once. Mikey’s rant had snapped me out of the trance I had been
living in for the past two weeks and I instantly felt at ease once more… as if
everything could possibly get better again.
The next day, both Mikey and I had to wake up slightly earlier than normal to
say good bye to our mom before she left. I carried her suitcase to the taxi for
her and Mikey stood on the doorstep, complaining about how the sunlight was
hurting his eyes.
“Well, goodbye then, boys… and please try not to trash the place while I’m
gone. I’ll miss you both so much!” mom said, drawing us both into a tight
embrace. I hugged her back, breathing in her fresh, clean smell and smiling
broadly. Over her shoulder, I could see that the taxi driver was becoming
increasingly impatient, waiting for my mother to finish fussing over us.
“Mom, we’ve got to get to school!” Mikey exclaimed, squirming and wriggling
free of my mum’s vice-like grip.
“Unfortunately, I have to agree,” I replied. “And you have to get to the
airport or you’ll you’re your flight! Goodbye, mom… we will miss you too.”
“I left the money for the week on the kitchen counter – hopefully there’s
enough! And there’s a note there too with all the contact details on it. Please
stay safe!” she called over her shoulder to Mikey as I ushered her into the
taxi. Mikey just tutted and rolled his eyes at her as I shut the door. We waved
to the taxi until it was out of sight before getting into my car. I started the
car and set off for school, Mikey in the seat next to me tapping away on his
phone.
“So… how is your party planning going, Mikey?” I asked.
“It’s going really well, actually!” he replied enthusiastically. “Ray, Frank
and Bob are all definitely coming, obviously.”
“That’s a huge guest list you’ve got there, Mikey,” I said, my voice thick with
sarcasm.
“Fuck off,” Mikey smiled. “Let me finish! There’re loads of others coming...
but I don’t really care about them – they’re just going to be there to make up
the numbers and make the party look better.” I laughed.
“You’re meant to throw a party to have fun, Mikey… not to impress people,” I
lectured.
“Well throwing a kickass party with loads of people will be fun for me,” he
replied.
“I can’t think of anything less appealing than that,” I grumbled, shaking my
head a little. Mikey ignored my statement. “Roughly how many people do you
think will come?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“Somewhere around twenty,” Mikey said casually. I tightened my grip on the
steering wheel, wondering how he was expecting to fit that amount of people
into our house. “Anyway, you need to get the alcohol tonight, Gee, just in case
there isn’t time to go shopping tomorrow. I’m going to Ray’s after school so I
won’t see you until late tonight and the shops will be closed. I’ll make a list
at some point today and tell Frank to give it you in his English lesson.” I
made an unhappy noise in the back of my throat, which earned me an over-
dramatic sigh from Mikey. “For god’s sake, Gerard - you need to chill out!
Maybe I should put some alcohol on the list specifically for you to drink.”
“No fucking way,” I replied defensively. “There has to be at least one
responsible person there. You know I don’t drink anyway – it’s not good for the
brain. Don’t be late back from Ray’s tonight please. I have a lot of planning
to go through with you and I need to set some ground rules.” Another sigh
ensued and I rolled my eyes. “Just because mom isn’t here, doesn’t mean you
don’t still have a curfew.”
“Whatever,” Mikey mumbled, putting his phone into his jeans pocket as we pulled
into the school parking lot.
The day seemed dragged on indefinitely and I got more and more agitated as the
hours passed. I ventured down to student reception at lunch time in order to
please Rosie – she was happy that I showed up, but things were blatantly still
a little awkward. I had spent more than half of my lunch times with her since
the incident and our relationship had undeniably improved again, despite the
fact that she still occasionally made snide comments about the fact that I
didn’t come every lunch time. On this particular lunch time, she decided to ask
me what I was planning to do this weekend.
“Oh,” I replied, a little shaken by the question. “My mother and I are going to
visit some family across town – we’re staying there over night.” I knew that if
the school found out that I was providing students with alcohol, my career in
teaching would most definitely be over instantaneously.
“Oh, that sounds fun! I love visiting my family,” she mused out loud. “We have
a really big family and a lot of them live outside of New Jersey, so I don’t
get to see them very often. Who are you visiting?”
“My aunt,” I said quickly. “We don’t see her very often, despite her living
relatively close. We have family that live out of this state too, but we only
see them at Christmas.” Rosie nodded, taking small bites of her sandwich and
curling her lips in her usual fashion. Just before the bell rang, I excused
myself politely and returned to my classroom to set up my PowerPoint. Frank was
in my next class, and that meant that he would be bringing me my shopping list
for the evening.
I could feel Frank’s eyes on me for the whole lesson, his nervous energy
seemingly affecting me too. I stumbled through the lesson, trying desperately
to keep my mind off thoughts of the party but the task was more difficult than
it appeared.
“Hey, sir… I have your list from Mikey,” Frank said quietly. He had taken his
time packing his things away and came up to me after everyone else had left.
“I don’t bite, Frank. You don’t have to look so on edge when you’re near me,” I
replied, smiling at him and taking the paper out of his hands. He smiled at me
briefly before scurrying out the classroom. I sighed – he was such a nice boy,
I just wished he had more confidence. I placed the list in my blazer pocket,
deciding that I would read it while my next class were busy working.
My seventh graders were always a group of calm and collected students, so I had
no problem setting them off on their task. Once they had started to fill in the
worksheets I had provided them with, I sat at my desk and took out the scrappy,
folded piece of paper.
"Gerard,
Hopefully Frank will have given you this and won’t have pussied out, so this is
what you need to get for tomorrow night. The main thing that you need to get is
a few big bottles of vodka (nice quality, please - not cheap, bargain shit… but
equally don’t spend our entire budget on it. Beer is also an essential – a few
cases of something nice. Get a couple of cases of mild, alcopops for the people
who don’t drink much too. We need cola and lemonade to go with the vodka too.
If you have any money left and there’s stuff on offer, get that too. Now, I
know this is going to be a hard task for you but try not to fuck it up. Please
don’t call me unless it’s absolutely necessary because I’m gonna be busy with
Ray ;)
Mikey x"
I rubbed my neck nervously and tucked the paper into my pocket again, turning
to address the class and continuing with the lesson. In contrast to the rest of
the day, this lesson passed surprisingly quickly – so much so that when the
bell rang it startled me somewhat. I allowed the class to leave before
gathering all my belongings together and going down to the reception to collect
any paperwork I’d had photocopied – of course I also had to say goodbye to
Rosie. However, she wasn’t at her normal post when I arrived, which perplexed
me a little. Maybe she had taken my advice to get over me and was just trying
to cut her attachment a little. I tried not to dwell on the thought for too
long though and headed to my car, ready to go shopping for Mikey’s insane
amount of alcohol.
The first shop that I went to was full of students, so I left immediately – I
didn’t need that many people to see me stocking up on this amount of alcohol.
Instead, I drove across town to another store, where I was faced with a huge
aisle of various shaped bottles and boxes of alcohol. I had no idea what was
what! The last time I purchased alcohol was when my mom had sent me to get a
bottle of wine to celebrate one of her promotions… even then I barely drank a
whole glass of the deep, red liquid. It wasn’t that I disliked the taste… it
was the loss of control that I couldn’t tolerate. All these bright, colourful
bottles were a mystery to me, and I hated being in situations where I didn’t
have extensive knowledge about the subject. I quickly pulled myself together
and pushed my shopping cart down the aisle. I found the vodka section quite
easily and picked up three bottles of the clear liquid. Eventually I managed to
get the rest of the products on Mikey’s list and I turned to exit the store. On
my way to the checkout I realised that Mikey hadn’t put any food on the list,
but I figured that snacks would be essential for the party to be a success – I
had read that alcohol can cause people to get the ‘munchies.’ I picked up a few
bags of chips, some candy and some other generic party food, hoping that I had
got the right stuff. The checkout process was anxiety provoking as usual, but
after I got back into my car with the trunk full of alcohol I felt a strange
sense of relief and a rush of excitement – I quickly pushed the feeling to the
back of my mind and set off back across town, eager to get home.
***** Chapter 9 *****
“Did you get everything?” was the first thing Mikey shouted to me when he
eventually returned home at eleven o’clock. I jumped up off the sofa and met
him at the door where he was hanging his coat on the stand.
“Where have you been?” I exclaimed, staring at my brother. “Your curfew is
ten!”
“Chill out, Gerard,” Mikey said with a casual shrug – the lack of respect in
his tone just angered me ever further. “Mom’s not here and you are not my dad.
You can’t tell me what to do.” His tone had sharpened and he looked me straight
in the eye. The force of the simple statement made me stop in my tracks for a
second and I had to take a breath to calm myself down a little.
“I’m not trying to be a father to you, Mikey… I was just worried. You’re my
brother and I don’t want you wandering around in New Jersey on your own at
night – that’s fucking dangerous, Mikes. Anyway,” I said quickly, waving my
hand in the air and moving on from the subject. “Yes I did get everything on
your list. I got some food too because I assumed you would need it, but I don’t
know if I got the right kind of things.”
“Thank you so much, Gerard. Yeah, I must have forgotten to put food on the
list… well done for remembering,” Mikey grinned, walking towards the kitchen to
inspect the bottles on the counter. “Oh wow! We have so much! I hope it didn’t
cost too much. This vodka looks like a good brand… and this is Ray’s favourite
beer!” he mumbled to himself, picking up each bottle in turn and squinting at
it intensely. “You did a good job, Gee!” He had snapped back to normal,
cheerful Mikey so I decided to let his momentary lapse slide. I shrugged and
went up to my room to try and get a reasonable amount of sleep, knowing that
the next day was going to be exceptionally stressful.
When I woke up and realised that it was the day of the party, I almost had a
panic attack. After completing my morning routine, it was nine o’clock already
– I had so much to do! I rolled my sleeves up and set to work immediately,
leaving Mikey asleep in his room so that he couldn’t get in the way. I started
by taking all of the breakable ornaments, important pictures and expensive
items out of the room and placing them in my mother’s room, knowing that I
could lock the door before any of the guests arrived – I didn’t want to have to
explain to my mother how her set of antique china dolls had been smashed, or
how her favourite vase had been chipped. Upon returning downstairs I noticed
that the living room seemed oddly bare without all of the decorations I was
used to, but I was too busy to dwell on such irregularities. Next, I found the
polish and a duster and began to clean the room, despite it already being in an
almost pristine condition. It was then that Mikey emerged from his room and
made a beeline for the kettle and the coffee pot. I sighed, wishing that he had
offered to help me but knowing that I would just be dissatisfied by his
attempts at cleaning. I began to vacuum the floor and the noise perfectly
masked Mikey’s escape to his room. I tutted to myself but smiled too – the boy
was probably very excited for tonight.
By the time Mikey came back downstairs I had cleaned the whole house, prepared
all of the snacks and set out all the plastic cups.
“Nice job, Gee,” Mikey said, entering the kitchen and hoisting himself up onto
the counter next to the bottles of cola and lemonade, his legs swinging in the
air. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen the place so clean.” Mikey was already
dressed and ready for his party. He was wearing his favourite skinny jeans with
a black shirt, sleeves unbuttoned and rolled up. He had straightened his hair
to perfection and he had even applied his eyeliner perfectly straight.
“Well don’t you look dashing,” I said, smiling as Mikey blushed. “You look
really good, Mikey. I’m sure Ray will be hard pushed to keep his eyes off you.”
I looked at the counter which was completely full of bottles of alcohol and
soda. “I’m not being responsible for you in the morning, Mikey,” I said more
sternly, but I still couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “If you’re sick, you
clean it up. If any of your friends are sick, you clean it up. Do you
understand me?”
“Yes!” Mikey sighed, rolling his eyes like usual. “I’ve been making an awesome
playlist,” he said with enthusiasm. “There’s quite a lot of rock on it, but I
added in some more mainstream music too to suit everyone’s tastes. It took me
ages!” He hopped down from the counter.
“If you want to play music, then you are going to have to bring your stereo
down because I’ve taken mom’s upstairs so it can’t get broken,” I said to him,
to which he began to rant at me about how his ‘friends aren’t animals’ and ‘why
can’t you trust me with equipment Gerard, gosh!’ The only item of value that I
couldn’t remove from the living room was the TV, because I couldn’t carry it by
myself and when I told Mikey he refused to help me because I was being
‘ridiculous.’
“Ray, Frank and Bob will be here soon,” Mikey said, walking into the living
room and leaving me in the kitchen. “They were going to help set up… but I can
see you’ve already done that, so we’ll just chill in my room or something.”
“Okay,” I called into the living room. I stepped back and looked at the
plethora of bottles again and sighed before joining Mikey in the living room.
“When they get here I’ll go to my room, so you guys can stay down here if you
want. I’ll probably stay upstairs for the whole night so that I don’t bother
you.”
“I wish you would just come and have a drink with us, Gee” Mikey said, flopping
down onto the sofa and putting his feet up on the cushion. “It would be fun, I
promise.”
“I’ve explained before, Mikey – I can’t,” I said, completely exasperated. “Even
if I wanted to – which I don’t – I can’t drink with minors that are my
students. It’s just a recipe for disaster. You’re pushing me to my limit with
this party anyway, Mikey.” He just shrugged in response and switched on the
television. I sat down in the armchair across the room and settled down for a
rest after my day of preparation.
It wasn’t long before there was a knock on the door and Mikey opened it to see
his three best friends stood there. He hugged them all in turn and invited them
into the house. I stood up from my chair and greeted them awkwardly. All three
of them had brought some more alcohol with them, so Mikey steered them into the
kitchen to put it with all of the other drinks.
“So, guys…” I said quietly, leaning on the kitchen door frame. “Can you do me a
favour?” They all nodded and Mikey whined, knowing what I was going to say.
“I need to take the TV up to my mom’s room so that it doesn’t get broken. I
can’t carry it on my own and Mikey is refusing to help me – could you please
help me carry upstairs?” All three boys gladly followed me to the living room
to help. Mikey lay on the sofa and sighed deeply.
“Dude, your brother is letting you have this party despite everything… you
should at least try to help him!” Ray had said, before helping me unhook the TV
off the wall. Mikey just sat and mumbled to himself about how ridiculous I was
being and how he didn’t care if I was letting him have the party, the house now
looked weird. Once the TV was safely in my mother’s room, I thanked my
brother’s friends, locked the door and sidled off to my room, where I planned
to stay for the rest of the night.
The guests began to arrive from nine o’clock onwards, but I didn’t move from my
room to see who had come – nothing would be more awkward than your English
teacher watching you at a party where you would be breaking the law by underage
drinking. I tried to put the thoughts of the illegality of the situation out of
my head, and instead decided to focus on my work. Mikey was playing his music
so loud that the floor underneath my feet was vibrating and as hard as I tried,
I couldn’t seem to concentrate fully on marking tests that my juniors had
completed for me. Eventually I gave up, realising that I had the whole half
term to do this work and I was ahead on my lesson planning anyway so I could
afford to leave this to a time when I would be able to concentrate better. I
stood up from my desk and moved to my bed, lying down and picking up the first
book I could lay my hands on – even then I couldn’t concentrate. I sighed
deeply and stretched out, wondering what I was going to do for the next few
hours. Not being able to think of anything, I resorted to putting my headphones
in and playing my own music to drown out the rumble of Mikey’s party.
Two hours had passed - the party was now in full swing and I was bored out of
my mind. I had cleaned my room, reorganised my books and even tried to play a
video game, but I still couldn’t concentrate because of the raucous from below.
Finally, I decided to sneak out of my room and peer over the banister of the
stairs - I saw a sea of bodies dancing and drinking and some figures in the
corners making out… lovely. I tutted and returned to my room, not knowing what
to do as I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t read and I couldn’t work – it was
excessively frustrating. Suddenly, I realised how hungry I was, but I didn’t
particularly want to go downstairs and tackle the hordes of people in my living
room. I tried to call Mikey’s phone, but there was no answer – I assumed he
couldn’t hear me over the music. I sighed, realising that I would have to go
downstairs eventually because there was no way I would to be able to sleep
while I was that hungry. Reluctantly, I changed out of my cleaning clothes and
slung on some jeans and a random t-shirt, before leaving my room and venturing
down the stairs into the overcrowded living room.
After quite forcefully pushing my way through the crowds, I was accosted by a
very drunk Mikey in the kitchen.
“Geeeee!” he shouted at the top of his lungs, before launching himself at me
and squeezing me tightly. I peeled him off me and looked around at the faces of
his peers, all of who turned away upon seeing me. “Oh my gosh, isn’t this
awesome?! I’m so happy! Thank you so much for helping me organise this party!
Do you want a drink?” he slurred, stumbling a little as he tried to reach for
the vodka bottle. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his elbow, trying to steady him.
“No, Mikey, I don’t want a drink. I’m not happy being downstairs at all but I
needed to get some fucking food, considering I don’t seem to be able to sleep
upstairs because of the noise.” Mikey just giggled and grabbed a cup, pouring
what looked like a lethal amount of vodka into it before topping it up with
coke. “Mikes, are you sure you should be drinking anything else?” I asked,
biting my lip in a worried fashion. “You’re really drunk and it’s not good for
you.”
“Save me the lecture please, Gerard. I’m having a good time – don’t cramp my
style!” I burst out laughing at the dated phrase which caused Mikey to laugh
too. “Anyway, this drink is for you… and I’m not going to let you go upstairs
until you drink it!” he drawled. I tried walking towards where all the snacks
were, but Mikey refused to let me pass.
“Fine,” I grumbled, taking the drink and downing it in a few gulps. I shuddered
as I felt the alcohol burning my throat. “That was vile,” I spluttered,
touching my neck. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff.”
“It’s easy once you get used to it!” Mikey shouted over the music, before
turning back to some of his friends. I pushed past him, grabbed a pack of
crisps and a few slices of pizza and then turned to leave, bumping into Frank
as I spun around – Frank was also a little unsteady on his feet and nearly
dropped his drink.
“Hi, Gerard!” he exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear.
“Hey, Frank. I was just going back upstairs to get out of the way… I hope you
have a nice time,” I gushed, before removing myself from the all-too-awkward
scenario.
“Gerard!” Mikey yelled after me, stumbling out of the kitchen. I stopped and
turned around. He threw three bottles of some form of alcoholic beverage at me
and winked - I rolled my eyes but took it up to my room anyway, weaving in and
out of all the bodies that awkwardly stopped dancing when I passed. I kept my
head down, recognising most of their faces. This was undeniably the worst
moment of my life so far.
When I got to my room I stared long and hard at the green, glass bottles before
finally giving in and opening them. I decided that as an academic, it would be
terrible of me not to try and experience new things – at least that’s what I
told myself. I drank the beer quickly whilst eating my food, practically
finishing each bottle in a matter of swallows. It tasted relatively nice, I
supposed, but it did have quite an odd, tangy aftertaste which I didn’t
particularly enjoy. I felt the effects almost immediately – this was probably
due to my lack of experience with the substance and the haste at which I had
drank it. I lay on my bed with my arms out to the sides, noticing all of the
changes in my body. My head felt light and my thinking was becoming fragmented
– I was unable to stay focussed on one topic for a length of time. I also felt
warmer than before and I was a little disorientated. I immediately regretted
drinking the alcohol, but could not deny that I liked the effects. I had read
book after book on alcohol and its effects on the brain, but none of that
seemed to matter anymore. I had definitely consumed more than the suggested
quota of units for a day, but again I didn’t care.
I was startled out of my train of thought about half an hour later by a quiet
knock on my door. I ignored it, thinking that it would probably just be someone
looking for the bathroom. The person knocked again, slightly louder this time,
and I heaved myself up off the bed, giggling at how strange I felt when I stood
up. I opened the door to see Frank stood there, smiling at me and holding
another bottle of alcohol.
“Mikey told me to bring you this,” he said, holding the bottle out in front of
him, not crossing the line into my room. I took it and smiled at him
gratefully.
“Do you want to come in, Frank?” I asked, opening the bottle and taking a large
gulp of the vibrantly coloured liquid. He nodded and crossed the threshold into
my room. I shut the door behind him to block out all of the noise from
downstairs and to discourage further people to try and speak to me. “Are you
not much of a party person, Frank?” I asked, stumbling a little over my words.
“No, not really,” he mumbled. “I feel a bit awkward down there… there are too
many people.” He laughed nervously. I passed him the bottle and he took a sip,
rubbing his face and sitting down heavily on my bed. I sat next to him and we
drank together in silence for a while.
“I’m glad Mikey is friends with you guys,” I blurted out, words tumbling from
my mouth with no stopping them. Frank turned and looked at me expectantly. “I
mean, you three are such lovely people and you will be a good for him. I’ve
never seen him happier than he is now with Ray, and he talks about you and Bob
all the time too. He really loves you guys. I just hope he can be good for you
too, you know? It makes me really sad that you get bullied, Frank. It’s just
not fair, and I know Mikey feels the same way. He gets really angry when people
pick on you and he would give anything to make sure you were okay, I can feel
it. And you know you can come and talk to me if you ever need anything too,
right? I just don’t understand why someone would want to pick on someone as
nice as you! I think you’re a wonderfully nice, sweet and clever person who is
going to go far in life, unlike those other futureless bullies… so please don’t
let those dickheads drag you down with them.”
Without warning, Frank’s lips suddenly came crashing down on mine, his hand
cupping my face and his eyes close. I dropped the empty bottle that I had been
holding and froze for a second in absolute disbelief of the situation. Maybe it
was the alcohol, or the adrenaline or something else, but I began kissing him
back, enjoying this new sensation greatly. I didn’t know whether I was doing it
right, not having kissed someone before, and I didn’t know where to put my
hands or move my head, but Frank hadn’t pulled away yet so I took that as a
good sign. I absentmindedly ran my hand down his spine and he shivered, pulling
away from me immediately.
“I shouldn’t--,” he began, but I cut him off before he could finish his
sentence by delving back in for another kiss. This time, he swivelled his body
round so that he was sat in my lap and I placed my hands on his waist, my
fingers splayed across his lower back. I was becoming giddy and I could no
longer support myself so I lay backwards and suddenly Frank was lying on top of
me. My mind was screaming at me to stop but at the same time it kept me going,
moving my lips in time with his, savouring every sound, every touch and every
sensation. He ran his hands through my hair roughly, tugging a little by
accident – I could never have imagined how good that would feel. His hips
twitched instinctively against mine and I groaned quietly into his open mouth;
I supposed Frank liked that as I felt him smile as he deepened the kiss. It was
only when I felt a kind of warmth growing in my lower stomach that I came to my
senses and the surroundings and situation came flooding back to me. I broke the
kiss abruptly and turned my head away, startled and ashamed by what I had just
done. Frank immediately got off me, stood up and backed away to the other side
of the room.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he stammered, clasping
his hands in front of his chest with tears filling his eyes.
“It’s okay, Frank,” I said, a surprisingly calm voice coming out of my
quivering body. “Maybe you should go back downstairs.” He nodded and hastily
ran out of my room, closing the door loudly behind him. I slunk back down onto
my bed and burst into tears, my back arching with every sob. I couldn’t even
remember the last time I had cried like this… it was all just too much for me.
If anyone found out about what had just happened, I would be sure to lose my
job. What had I done?
***** Chapter 10 *****
The next morning I was awoken by the sunlight flooding through the curtains
that I had failed to remember to close the night before. I sat up slowly, but
immediately lay back down, placed my hands on my forehead and groaned. I felt
absolutely awful, despite not having drunk nearly as much as the kids at the
party. My head was spinning and my brain was practically throbbing, feeling
like it was going to burst out of my skull. As for the rest of my body, my legs
felt so weak that I could barely even stand when I made another attempt to get
out of bed and consequently I had to steady myself by placing a hand on my
desk. My mouth tasted foul and when I looked down, I saw that I hadn’t even
changed out of my clothes from that night. I couldn’t believe that I had let my
younger brother pressure me into drinking… I definitely needed to work on my
authority. Drinking that night had been one of the biggest mistakes I had ever
made, and I was paying the price with the physical symptoms of a typical hang
over. Suddenly, I realised what I needed to cure this problem - coffee and
painkillers. I practically crawled downstairs and into the kitchen to boil the
kettle, passing Mikey and his friends who were crashed out on the couch, lying
on top of each other completely surrounded by empty bottles. One of the people
in the tangled mess was snoring so loudly, it was a wonder the rest were still
able to sleep. As I turned the kettle on and it began to boil, all the events
of the previous night suddenly became clear again. Frank. I peered around the
kitchen door and looked tentatively at the bundle of people on the couch. Bob
was there… Mikey and Ray too… but not Frank. I let out a breath of relief that
I wasn’t even aware that I had been holding – I felt so guilty.
I remembered the look on Frank’s face when he had come into my room. He had his
usual air of anxiety about him, but he had clearly loosened up – probably an
effect of the alcohol. When we were talking, he no longer looked at me like I
was going to hurt him and instead I felt a kind of warmth from him – the look
he had given me at that point was almost a look of adoration. I also remembered
how he had looked when he kissed me. I could see the moment that his lips
touched mine so clearly, the mere memory sent a jolt through my body. His lips
were predominantly soft, but a little rough in the places where he bit them
when he got worked up. When his lips were connected with mine, it was as if all
the negative emotions drained out of him. He became confident, relaxed and
maybe even content. I remembered how his mouth was warm and tasted faintly of
beer and his hands were hesitant at first, caressing my cheeks and tangling in
my hair but when they were running over my chest and up under my shirt… it was
something else. Suddenly, the kettle ceased rumbling and I was drawn out of my
memories. I rubbed my eyes, kneading my eyelids with my knuckles in an attempt
to get rid of all thoughts of Frank.
I put some coffee in my favourite mug but paused before pouring the water in.
Instead, I made my way to the living room to offer my brother and his friends a
hot drink. I woke the three boys up with great difficulty and received a stream
of groans and mumbled acceptances off my offer. I glanced around the room as
the trio began to untangle themselves - the living room looked like bomb had
hit it, but I reluctantly shook off the need to clean and returned to the
kitchen. I got another three mugs out of the cupboard and began drumming my
fingers impatiently on the kitchen work surface as I spooned the brown granules
into the cups. I took the four very strong cups of coffee into the living room
where the boys were now nursing their headaches and I distributed them. I then
sat myself down in the armchair, knees pulled up to my chest with my feet
resting on the seat. Mikey was lying on Ray’s stomach on the sofa and Bob was
sat by their feet on the floor, staring intently at his phone.
“Where’s Frank?” I asked quietly after a considerable number of minutes of
silence when I had finally managed to pluck up the courage to speak. I was
worried that Frank had told them what had happened and therefore worried about
how my brother would react to the news.
“We don’t know,” Mikey replied, taking a gulp of his coffee and adjusting his
glasses.
“He left,” Ray interjected. “He went upstairs at some point last night and he
stayed up there for a while – I remember wondering what he was doing but I
didn’t bother going to look for him. When he came back downstairs, I was in the
living room and I just saw him leave pretty quickly. He looked really upset and
I think he had been crying.”
“We’ve tried to get hold of him,” Mikey continued, putting his empty cup down
on the floor. “We all tried calling him last night after he left, but he didn’t
answer his phone.”
“And he still isn’t picking up,” Bob mumbled, putting his phone on the table in
front of us, a defeated look on his face.
“Well I’m really worried about him. If he left, he must have walked all the way
home, drunk, in the dark, in fucking New Jersey.” Ray and Bob just stared at
me, obviously bemused by the fact that they just heard a teacher swear. It was
true that I was very worried about Frank’s safety, but I was also feeling
excessively guilty and responsible for his state of mind when he left. If
anything had happened to him on his way home, I would never be able to forgive
myself for upsetting him so much that he left. “I’ll drive you over there to
check if he got home when I’ve finished my coffee and then I can clean up this
mess while you’re gone,” I said, taking another gulp of the cooling coffee.
They all nodded slowly to cause their heads as little pain as possible and
Mikey smiled slyly into his cup. “That doesn’t mean you won’t have to help me
when you get back, Mikey. What time it is now anyway?”
“About two o’clock,” Bob replied nonchalantly.
“What do you mean two o’clock?! That’s insane! Why the hell did you let me
sleep that long, Mikey? Go and get in the car now. We’re going,” I said,
downing the rest of my coffee and ushering them all out of the door. They
groaned at me as they grabbed their shoes and stumbled out of the door, moaning
the whole time about how much their heads hurt. I grabbed my coat and keys and
locked the door behind me, rushing to the car.
They all piled out of the car upon arrival at Frank’s house where I watched
them walk up to the door and knock, shielding their eyes from the glaring sun
light. It was Frank who answered the door and he looked a mess - his hair was
sticking up at wild angles, his eyes bloodshot and full of tears and he too was
still wearing the clothes he had worn to the party. I felt my heart break a
little as I looked at the shadow of a boy in the doorway. He glanced in my
direction and I saw him break into a fresh fit of sobs that I could hear
through the cold metal frame of the car. Mikey drew him into a soft embrace
before they all solemnly entered the house and shut the door behind them. I
gripped the steering wheel tightly and stared straight ahead, trying to force
myself not to cry. What had I done? I couldn’t remember ever having made
someone cry before and yet now through my own selfish actions, Frank had tears
cascading down his red cheeks because of me.
I drove home as fast as I could, my eyes blurred by tears that I blinked away
as fast as possible. I forbid myself to think of the situation and slammed the
door of the house as hard as I could when I arrived home causing the whole
house to rattle. Instinctively I began collecting all of the empty glass
bottles, cups and paper towels that were carelessly strewn across the living
room floor and took them into the kitchen where I began to sort them into
piles. I found a multitude of different plastic bags to place the bottles in -
I had the intention of driving down to the bottle bank after I picked Mikey up
from Frank’s house. Luckily, no one had thrown up in the house or even outside
in the garden … apparently the kids held their alcohol better than I did. The
house still smelt absolutely awful though, despite the lack of vomit. I threw
open every window in the house, letting the fresh air in to neutralise the
aroma in the house. When I reached my mother’s bedroom where all the valuables
had been stored, I was relieved to find that they were all still there and all
still intact. In an attempt to fully expel all thoughts of Frank from my mine,
I quickly busied myself with cleaning the living room, vowing to thoroughly
disinfect every surface later before bringing all of the ornaments and other
belongings down from my mother’s room. However, I knew that I would not be able
to carry the television downstairs by myself – I would have to wait for Mikey
to get home to complete that task.
I had nearly finished sanitising the living room when Mikey came in, slamming
the door behind him almost as hard as I had earlier.
“You are an absolute fucking asshole!” he yelled at me, storming up to me and
standing so close his nose was practically touching my own.
“W-what did I do?” I stammered, instinctively stepping backwards a little and
holding my hands out in front of my chest.
“My best friend is currently crying his fucking eyes out to my boyfriend and
Bob because of you.”
“H-he told you?”
“Of course he did, idiot. He’s absolutely fucking heartbroken and he’s
convinced himself that you hate him. How dare you do that to him! What were you
thinking, Gerard?!”
“Mikey I can explain,” I pleaded. “Please – just listen to me.”
“Why should I?” he snarled, folding his arms over his chest. I took a deep
breath and prepared myself to explain precisely what had happened that night.
“You should listen to me because he made the advance, Mikey. He kissed me!” I
had begun to shake violently. “I didn’t mean to!” My voice cracked at the end
of my sentence.
“You still didn’t push him off you,” Mikey replied, his voice calmer as he had
realised how shaken I had become.
“I didn’t know what to do, Mikey. You made me drink that alcohol and I just
wasn’t thinking straight.”
“Did you like it?” Mikey’s voice was barely above a whisper by this point
“I-I can’t think about it like that - it’s unprofessional, not to mention
completely illegal!”
“And the underage drinking last night wasn’t?” Mikey exclaimed, gesticulating
violently with his arms. “Gerard you’re just avoiding the question. Did you
like it?” he repeated.
“I don’t know… maybe? I don’t really have anything to compare it to, Mikes.
Also, he’s your age and I’m his teacher. It’s a completely ridiculous scenario
and I refuse to talk about it anymore,” I replied shortly, once more dismissing
all thoughts of Frank from my head.
“Asshole,” Mikey mumbled before skulking up the stairs to his room.
I sat down heavily on the sofa, placing my head in my hands and trying not to
have a meltdown. Despite deciding that I wouldn’t allow it, thoughts of Frank
kept trickling into my mind and messing with my emotions. I thought of how
upset Frank had looked after the incident and felt my stomach flip. Immediately
my brain switched to how good it felt to have him on top of me, his body
pressed against mine and his tongue in my mouth. ‘You’re sick’ a voice in my
head said and at that moment I knew it was right. Mikey had confused me. Mikey
had made me reflect on the event properly… and I felt guilty. I lifted my head
and pulled my knees up to my chest, curling up into a ball on the sofa. Never
in my life had I done anything as bad as this to anyone. Of course, I had
stepped on people to get what I wanted, but that was just ambition and I had
never crushed someone so innocent and made them cry their heart out. ‘What’s
going to happen when you have to see him at school?’ The voice in my head
persisted. 'If he keeps crying when he sees you, someone will notice.' I wasn’t
sure what I was going to do. I couldn’t completely avoid conversing with him,
as that may draw attention to the fact that something had happened; on the
other hand, it would be hard for me to actually talk to him as the guilt and
the heartbroken looks would be too much for me. I sighed and stood up. I knew I
would have to form a plan at some point, but my head just wasn’t in the right
place at that moment in time.
I solemnly climbed the stairs to Mikey’s room and rapped on the door lightly –
he shouted for me to come in.
“Mikey… could I have Frank’s number, please? I think I really ought to call him
and apologize,” I mumbled, not making eye contact with my brother.
“I’ll call Ray instead… you’re much more likely to get hold of Frank. He’s
won’t answer his phone to anyone – he hasn’t done all morning. I’ll tell Ray to
put Frank on for you,” he replied – I could still hear how pissed off he was by
the flat tone of his voice. I nodded weakly and clasped my hands in front of my
stomach awkwardly. Mikey balanced his phone in the crook of his neck, pressing
it to his ear with his shoulder. The phone rang for a while and I began to
question whether Ray would actually pick up the phone, but these doubts were
erased when Mikey began to speak into the microphone of his phone. “Hey, baby…
yeah, I’m fine. How is Frank doing? ... Oh, okay. No I understand. Gee wants to
talk to talk to him… yeah I know… but tell him to just try, okay?” Mikey tossed
the phone to me – I clumsily caught it and placed it to my ear.
“Hello?” I mumbled into the speaker, sitting down on the bed next to Mikey who
instantly leaned in to here both halves of the conversation.
“Hey, Gerard,” a small, weak voice squeaked on the end of the line. He sniffed.
“Frank… I just wanted to say that I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you -
everything just kind of happened really quickly and I wasn’t sure what was
going on,” I said. Mikey hit me in the leg and I yelped and glared at him.
“I’m s-sorry I did that and I…I -” Frank’s voice became very high pitched and
he burst into a fresh fit of sobs. I heard what sounded like Ray in the
background trying to comfort Frank. I put my head in my hands and tried to make
myself speak – I was completely overwhelmed by the state that Frank was in.
“Oh Frankie please don’t cry,” I gushed, my own voice quivering a little. “No,
don’t blame yourself. It’s my fault, okay?” I said into the speaker, running a
hand through my hair and standing up. Mikey was staring at me intently,
obviously wondering what was happening on the other end of the line. “I should
have exercised some kind of self-restraint and stopped you or something. I am
to blame for this because you were more intoxicated than me and I should have
acted responsibly. I wasn’t even meant to be drinking at all. Tell me what I
can do to help or make it better or something.” I was becoming more and more
distressed with ever sniff I heard through the phone.
“You can’t take all the blame, Gerard. I pushed myself onto you without
thinking about how it would affect you or your career or your relationship with
your brother. I’m just really sorry. I don’t know how you can help, Gerard…
everything just seems so fucked up hopeless. It’s my fault. I just can’t help
how I feel because it’s so overwhelming. I need to tell you something,” Frank
said suddenly, regaining a little composure.
“Of course you can. What is it, Frankie?” I asked, my heart rate increasing
dramatically.
“I think I’m in love with you.”
Frank put the phone down without saying another word and the line went dead. I
was frozen to the spot, those five words racing around in my brain
relentlessly, making me feel dizzy and sick. I couldn’t keep a grip on the
phone in my hand and so allowed it to drop to the floor, staring straight ahead
with a glassy look in my eyes with shaking hands. I was vaguely aware of
Mikey’s voice in the background yelling at me for having no respect for his
belongings and rushing to pick it up, but I didn’t care. The condition of the
phone didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore… absolutely nothing at all.
***** Chapter 11 *****
“Gee, are you actually going to come out of your room anytime soon?” Mikey said
from outside my door. My brother had knocked on my door almost every hour that
day to check on me. The first few times his tone of voice was friendly and
comforting, trying to cheer me up to coax me out of my room. However, after a
few hours he began to sound more and more irritated, knocking on my door loudly
and demanding that I come out and speak to him properly about what had happened
the previous evening. This time I could hear the worry in his voice even though
he tried to conceal it with a tone of exasperation. It was eight o’clock in the
evening and I had left my room twice since the phone call the day previous and
on both occasions I had gone straight to the bathroom and then returned
immediately to my room. I had to tread lightly so as not to attract unwanted
attention from Mikey. I hadn’t eaten, I hadn’t drank and I hadn’t done anything
with myself except lie on my bed and stress myself out over the situation at
hand. I didn’t understand how anyone could declare love for someone who had
been in their life for a matter of weeks, especially when that person was as
unattractive as I perceived myself to be. It was completely ridiculous! He
couldn’t have meant it… he shouldn’t have meant it… and yet I wanted to believe
it so badly that my heart ached for him to say it again.
“No,” I replied shortly, rolling onto my front and putting a pillow over my
head to block out Mikey’s voice – needless to say it didn’t work.
“Come on, Gee. No one will tell me what happened yesterday! You got up off the
bed, so I couldn’t hear what happened on Frank’s end and apparently Frank went
into the bathroom before he said whatever has upset you both so much - so Ray
and Bob have no idea what’s going on either. He’s so upset, Gerard… Ray had to
stay at his house last night to make sure he didn’t do anything he would
regret.” I sighed – the thought of Frank harming himself in some way over
something like this made the situation even more heart-breaking. I reluctantly
dragged myself out of my bed, flattening down my hair which was sticking up at
wild angles as I headed towards my bedroom door – under normal circumstances I
would have brushed it immediately, but right now even my compulsion for order
was dampened. I unlocked my door and saw Mikey sitting in the hall way outside,
leaning against the wall.
“You look awful, Gerard,” he said as I offered him my hand to pull him up. I
just grunted and walked straight back to my bed to lie down again – I didn’t
even have the strength to think up a witty comeback. Mikey stood by the side of
my bed, tapping his feet impatiently. “Please tell me what happened. We’re all
worried sick about both of you. You don’t understand how it feels when your
brother and your best friend have both become fucking recluses and you’re
scared that you’re going to lose both of them at the same time.”
“He told me he loved me,” I said monotonously, not even looking up to see my
brother’s reaction.
“He… he said what?” There was a long pause before I looked up and met Mikey’s
eyes. He was staring at me, mouth slightly open in awe. “But… but surely he
would have told me if he liked you. I’m sure he would… I’m his best friend and
he tells me everything. I just don’t understand,” Mikey stammered, sitting down
heavily on my bed and putting his head in his hands.
“How do you think I feel, Mikey? My underage student who I allowed to get drunk
and kiss me just told me he is now ‘in love’ with me! Mikey do you understand
the severity of this situation? I could get fired. If the school board found
out and thought that I was condoning this kind behaviour I would lose my job
and never be able to work as a teacher again,” I ranted, waving my arms in the
air wildly. “It’s possible that I could go to jail too, Mikey. This is
serious.”
“We need to talk about this,” Mikey said coldly, standing back up and beginning
to pace around my room. I sat up and stared, a look of confusion on my face.
“We are talking now if you hadn’t noticed, Mikey. I just want to know what
we’re going to do!”
“No, I mean we all need to talk… you, me, Frank, Ray and Bob. You’re right –
this is a pretty serious situation. Frank is an emotional person and he says
what’s on his mind before fully thinking it through. I understand that you’re
upset, Gerard, but I really think that the best thing to do would be to talk it
out.”
“Woah,” I said, raising my eyebrows and holding up my hands in front of me.
“No. No chance, Mikey. Frank is not coming here and to be quite honest I can’t
afford to go anywhere near him! I’m not risking my job any further. It’s out of
the question.”
“So are you saying that I’m not allowed to bring Frank home ever again?” Mikey
asked, clearly irritated. I shrugged non-committedly. “You can’t seriously be
that selfish, Gerard. Anyway, you will have to see him at school so surely it
would be better to speak to him before you’re forced into a public environment
with him?”
“No,” I answered shortly, lying back down in my bed and pulling the duvet over
my head, stubbornly deciding to ignore my brother until he left the room.
“Well tough luck - I’m inviting the guys round. We’re going to get this sorted
tonight,” Mikey replied before walking out of my room putting his phone to his
ear. I yelled in frustration – a loud, long, screech of anger that echoed
throughout the house. I got up and slammed the door as hard as I could before
bolting it to keep Mikey out and returning to my bed.
“Gerard, everyone’s here now. Are you going to come downstairs or not?” Mikey
asked. He had managed to leave me alone for around two hours, but that was only
so that he could organise one of the most surreal meetings ever held. The
determination was highly evident in his voice and I knew that eventually he
would force me out of my room. I glanced over to my clock to see that it was
almost ten o’clock – why had everyone come out this late?! All that I knew for
certain was this meant that I was going to be made to drive them all home
later.
“No. You can’t make me speak to people who I don’t want to see,” I yelled. I
knew that putting up a fight was futile, but I was not going to give up so
easily.
“For god’s sake, stop acting like a damn spoilt child! Go downstairs right this
fucking minute so we can talk this out,” Mikey shouted through the door before
I heard him sigh and stomp down the stairs. I lay in bed as long as I could
bear to, but as soon as my stomach began to growl loudly I knew I had to
surrender. I stood up reluctantly and slowly got changed into some cleaner
clothes before brushing my hair thoroughly and glaring at myself in the mirror
– for an exceptional academic, I could be really stupid sometimes. I tried to
think of things to say to Frank, searching for some way to explain my behaviour
that night – alas, no substantial excuse came to mind. The only thing I could
think of was the popular saying ‘drunk words are sober thoughts.’ Maybe this
could be equated to involve actions, but even then was I really going to accept
that I felt something for this boy? The feeling alone was enough to make me
physically cringe, as if my body was trying to expel the idea from my brain
altogether. There was, however, no doubt that something had changed inside me.
I looked up at my face in the mirror again and grimaced – I still couldn’t
believe that Frank could feasibly love me.
I trudged down the stairs and entered the awkwardly silent living room with a
permanent scowl etched upon my face – even though I knew that no one blamed me
for the incident, I still felt outnumbered and as if I was the bad guy. Three
of the four heads in the room turned and stared at me the second that I reached
the last step. I swayed on the spot awkwardly for a moment before heading to
the kitchen.
“Hey, Gerard,” Ray said, giving me a smile that seemed a little less natural
than his regular grin. I watched Frank’s hand tighten on Ray’s knee as my name
was mentioned and he avoided eye contact with me completely. Mikey just smiled
smugly at me, knowing that he had won the battle.
“Hi,” I murmured. “I’ll be with you in a minute… I just need to grab something
to eat and I’m going to make a cup of coffee. Does anyone else want anything?”
“I’ll have a coffee,” Mikey said, smiling at me. I nodded.
“Me too,” Ray and Bob said in unison.
“Frank?” I said quietly. The broken looking boy’s head was still not raised,
but I saw him nod gingerly so I scurried off to the kitchen to make five drinks
before the serious talking began.
It took me three trips to get all the mugs from the kitchen to the living room,
but when I had done finished I sat down on the armchair that was furthest away
from the other four who sat on the sofa and tucked my knees up under my chin,
glaring at them all over the rim of my mug.
“Right, we need to talk,” Mikey said, taking on the teacher-like persona that I
should have had. I supposed that my authority had no power in this house.
“Well, really it’s you and Frank who need to talk, Gerard. Ray and Bob and I
are technically irrelevant in this situation, but we’re nosey and care about
you both. Are you okay with talking this through, Frankie?” Frank nodded weakly
in response. “Why don’t you start, Gerard?”
“Okay,” I began, pausing to collect my thoughts; I saw Frank flinch at the
sound of my voice. “Frank… what happened that night was obviously a… a
mistake.” He visibly curled in on himself and I immediately felt awful, because
despite the legal implications of the act I still didn’t regret it half as much
as I should have. “That’s not what I meant, Frankie. What I’m trying to say is
that it shouldn’t have happened because, to begin with, you were intoxicated
and so was I.”
“You weren’t that drunk,” Frank mumbled.
“What do you mean by that,” I said sharply, immediately becoming very
defensive.
“I mean that you could have fucking stopped me but you didn’t.” Frank’s voice
was increasing in volume and I flinched at the harsh tone in his voice.
“The responsibility to stop you does not lie solely with me, Frank…”
“Calm down, Frankie,” Ray said, putting his hand on Frank’s knee; Frank shot
out of his seat like a bullet from a gun and began yelling, knocking his cup of
coffee over in the process. I squeaked as the dark liquid spilled onto the
cream rug and I shot up to clean it up, but a threatening glare from Mikey
forced me to sit back down.
“No! No I will not calm the fuck down. Why the fuck would you kiss me and let
me lie on top of you, then just dismiss it as a simple mistake? You can’t fuck
with someone’s feelings like this just because you did something you shouldn’t
have. Do I mean nothing to you? Do my feelings matter at all? You’re not an
innocent little boy you know, Gerard – you can’t get away with everything just
because you’re smarter than anyone else. Do you ever even stop to think about
the damage that you cause when you behave like this? Do you think about what it
does to me?” He stopped and took a few deep breaths before flopping back down
onto the sofa and starting to cry. Ray instinctively put his hand on Frank’s
knee and squeezed reassuringly and Mikey put his arm around him, looking at me
expectantly. Instead, I just stayed completely still in my chair, dumfounded by
the stream of questions that Frank had just directed at me.
“Of course I care,” I finally managed to say. I tried to keep myself calm but I
could already feel the emotion creeping into my voice. “Why do you think that
I’ve been upset since it happened too? Did you think about me and my job when
you were making advances on me? I could get fired, Frank! I would lose
everything that I have ever worked for. Everything I have done so far in my
life has been leading up to this moment of getting a job as a teacher. I want
to succeed for my father.” My voice cracked a little at this point and Mikey
looked at me very sympathetically. “Do you understand that?” The tears had
stopped falling from Frank’s eyes by this point and he just stared back at me –
there was so much emotion in his eyes that it was difficult to look into them
properly. I took a deep breath before continuing, lowering the volume of my
voice. “I think that what you fail to realise is that I have never drank that
amount of alcohol before in my life, so I was a lot more intoxicated than you
would think. I understand that I drank a fraction of what all of you drank, but
equally I have no built up tolerance for alcohol. It’s completely unfair to
accuse me of not being drunk, Frank. I mean, I’m your damn teacher and it’s
sickening that I kissed you back. It’s horrifying that I let you continue even
after you moved away. But honestly, the most worrying thing is that I fucking
liked it. I hate what I’m doing to you Frank… really, I do. It’s killing me to
see you so upset. Do you remember what I said to you that night? I hate seeing
you being treated poorly… and I apologise that I am currently the one hurting
you. You don’t understand how destroying that is. But it’s not just about me…
we’re upsetting Ray, Bob and Mikey too. Think about the consequences of your
actions. You’re just a child.” I shrunk into my chair after my rant, my energy
having all been used up. Everyone seemed to be staring at me. Ray and Bob had
an expression of disbelief on their faces, while Mikey looked completely
exasperated. On the other hand, Frank’s face conveyed a cocktail of emotions,
none of which I could pinpoint exactly.
“Wait…,” Bob mumbled quietly. “You liked it?” I momentarily stopped breathing,
mentally going through everything that I had just said. I said it. I said that
I liked it. I admitted it. My eyes began welling up with tears as I realised
the grave error that I had made. I opened my mouth but closed it almost
immediately – I was seemingly unable to form a coherent sentence
“Are you serious, Gerard?” Mikey mumbled, putting his head in his hands. Frank
just continued to stare at me wide-eyed, as if he was trying to process this
new information.
“Do you mean it?” Frank eventually croaked out, gripping the edge of the sofa
as if he was struggling to stay upright. I remained still in my chair, unable
to speak at all. I tried as hard as I could to give Frank an answer, but my I
just couldn’t seem to take my emotions and fashion them into words. Instead, I
settled for a meek nod as a response. The room remained silent for quite a
while, the tension levels rising to an almost unbearable level. Before I had
time to take in what was happening, Frank had crossed the room and had placed
his lips on mine softly. I cupped his face in my hand and kissed him back
instinctively – this seemed to be the only way I could express myself at that
time. It felt as if all the feelings I wanted to express tumbled out into that
kiss. Love, worry, happiness, distress, guilt and longing poured out of me into
that kiss and I felt the same feelings from Frank. We ignored the background
noise of Ray, Mikey and Bob coughing and mumbling awkwardly to each other - the
world seemed muted and I could barely move, my moth seemingly working on its
own. Frank was leaning over me with one hand braced on the arm of the chair and
the other tangled in my hair, just how it had been the night before. A few
stray tears were still running down his cheeks which broke my heart just that
bit more – my heart felt as if it was going to burst in my chest with all of
the overwhelming emotions. Eventually he broke away, much to my displeasure. He
stumbled backwards and looked at me as if he was scared I was going to yell at
him again or something, the usual deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes.
Mikey, Ray and Bob were sat very still with looks of acute discomfort on their
faces.
“Well…,” Ray said, blinking and looking at us both with disbelief. “That was an
unexpected turn of events.”
“I’m sorry,” Frank mumbled, wiping the tears from his cheeks and even managing
a small, shaky smile that warmed my heart.
“Frank It’s fine. I don’t mind. Well, I do… but just not in a way that I don’t
want it. I mean I mind because of the problems it can cause. You can’t just
keep doing that to me, okay? We need to work this out properly without you
getting up and kissing me randomly. This is a very serious situation and we
need to set clear boundaries and rules and--”
“But did you like it?” he asked, cutting me off. A sly smile played across his
lips. I wondered where this new found confidence was coming from - maybe it was
an effect of the excess adrenaline pulsing through his veins.
“Very much so,” I breathed, smiling back at him when he grinned from ear to
ear. “But I have one rule before we start talking again.”
“What?” Frank said nervously.
“I don’t want you to start crying again. It kills me to see you so helpless and
upset, Frank. It really is painful. I don’t want to make you feel like that
ever again, okay?” He nodded with a smile that could have rivalled Ray’s and we
all settled back down to continue the discussion.
***** Chapter 12 *****
“So what’s going to happen now?” Mikey asked, his head resting in his hands.
Frank had sat back down on the sofa in between Bob and Ray and I was still
seated in the armchair, thoughts whizzing around in my head so fast that it was
making me dizzy.
“I don’t know,” Frank replied. His voice was stronger than it had been earlier
and he had fully calmed down – not a single tear had fallen from his hazel eyes
since he had kissed me again. “What do you think we should do, Gee.”
“Yeah, let’s ask the adult in this situation,” Mikey mumbled bitterly. I
couldn’t decide whether he was angry at me for allowing Frank to fall for me,
or at Frank for falling for me in the first place. Either way he was definitely
not comfortable with the situation.
“For probably the first time in my life, I don’t think that it would be
beneficial to make some kind of intense, formulated plan for this. As long as
you are in agreement, Frank, I would be quite happy to just let this situation
play out and see where it takes us.” Frank nodded vigorously, a huge smile
instantly appearing on his face. “I should probably tell you that I’ve never
been romantically involved with anyone before in my life, Frank… so I am still
not sure if I like you in the exact same way that you like me. I’m still really
very confused, Frank, and I don’t feel in control of my emotions… and quite
frankly it scares me. If I am being fully honest with you, I am almost certain
that you and I being together would be a huge mistake and that it will end in
disaster.” I saw Franks face fall and it seemed as if every ounce of his new
found confidence seeped out of his pores, once more leaving a withered,
lifeless boy behind. “However, despite that I still feel like it could work in
some strange way. We could give it a go if you wanted…” His face immediately
lit up as if he was the happiest person alive.
“I would love that,” he replied, sounding breathless and slightly bewildered.
“Guys I really don’t want to spoil the moment but I just really don’t think
that this is a good idea – if anyone finds out you’ll lose your job and go to
fucking jail. Jail, Gerard. Do you understand that?” Mikey interjected, biting
his nails in a nervous manner and staring at me intently. I understood fully.
Previously it had been me who had been expressing this worry to Mikey, who
obviously didn’t grasp the risk factor in the situation but apparently it had
all finally dawned on him by this point. He was obviously very worried that he
would lose his older brother to jail just for what he was probably thinking was
a silly infatuation… but I had already weighed up the pros and cons of pressing
forward with this and I had finally made up my mind.
“No one will find out about it, Mikey,” Ray said brightly. Mikey scowled at him
but even that couldn’t supress Ray’s large grin. “C’mon, Mikey… me and Bob
aren’t exactly going to tell anyone and you definitely won’t, so the secret
probably won’t even leave this room. Anyway, you know what it’s like to love
someone, right?” Mikey’s facial expression softened a little, and he slid his
hand into Rays – I smiled inwardly, grateful for Ray’s interjection.
“And to be honest, Mikey, it’s not like there’s a thirty year age gap between
them or anything creepy like that. Your brother has just turned twenty three,
right? And Frank is going to be seventeen in a few months’ time,” said Bob,
smirking as Mikey’s facial expression became severe again.
“It’s creepy enough that my best friend is going to be getting with my
brother,” Mikey muttered under his breath, turning his harsh gaze to Bob.
“Chill out, Mikey,” Ray said, looking calmly at Mikey. I couldn’t understand
why my brother was so aggravated by the whole situation considering that it
wasn’t his job that I was jeopardising and this wasn’t his decision to make
either. The only effect it could possibly have on him would be his reputation
if someone found out – surely he couldn’t be that selfish?
“When is your birthday anyway, Frank?” I asked, turning my attention back to
Frank and smiling in his direction.
“Halloween,” he replied, smirking as he was obviously aware that he had the
coolest birthday ever.
“That’s so cool! Wow, I’m kind of jealous,” I mused, grinning back at Frank who
was blushing a little now. “Anyway, I think maybe the best course of action
that we could take right now would be to all go home because it’s almost
midnight and I for one am absolutely shattered. We can continue this talk at
some other point though because we need to lay some ground rules about how this
information really does have to remain in this room. Is that okay with you
guys?” I asked, finally taking an assertive role in the situation. All four
boys nodded in agreement with me and headed to the door to put their shoes on.
“I’ll drive you all home. There’s no way you’re walking home at this time of
night.”
Bob lived closest to our house so he was the first to be dropped off. He said
his quick goodbyes to all of us, leaving Ray and Frank in the back of the car
and Mikey sat next to me in the passenger seat. When we pulled up to Ray’s
drive way, Mikey rolled the window down and Ray stood by his side of the car
for a minute.
“I’ll see you guys soon then,” he said, smiling at us all in turn. He quickly
pecked Mikey on the lips, causing him to turn a bright shade of red – no matter
how many times it happened, I always found it unbelievably cute. The three of
us were silent for the rest of the journey to Frank’s house and it was a little
awkward when we finally arrived. Frank got out of the car clumsily and came to
my window which was wound down as far as it would go.
“I’ll see you soon then, Gerard. Do you have my number?” I shook my head. “Well
get Mikey to give it to you when you get home and text me so that I can add you
to my contacts. Well, I’d best go in… my mom will be worrying.” He leaned in
through the window and gave me a quick kiss before dashing off down the path to
his front door.
“Ew,” Mikey mumbled under his breath as I started the engine again and headed
back home.
“So what is your huge objection to this, Mikey,” I asked after closing the
front door behind us both and locking it.
“I just don’t think you know what you’re doing, Gerard,” he replied, tapping
his hands impatiently on the arm of the sofa as if trying to reign in an
emotion that I couldn’t quite pinpoint.
“But it’s not your job I’m risking, Mikey. This has nothing to do with you.”
All of a sudden Mikey seemed to snap – he stood up quickly and began pacing
around. I stepped back a little, not knowing what Mikey was going to do next.
“If you fucking hurt him Gerard, I swear to God I don’t know what I’ll do. He
has been hurt so many times before and you aren’t even sure that you like him,”
Mikey yelled, becoming more emotional by the second. I could see the effort he
was putting into controlling himself. “If you suddenly decide that you don’t
actually like him, you need to tell him as soon as possible… I don’t want to
see him get hurt by anyone else and it’s not fair to lead him on. I don’t think
he could take any more heartbreak.” I just stared at Mikey, not knowing what I
could say to convince him that I had no intention to hurt Frank in any way.
Before I could say anything in my defence, Mikey rushed upstairs and I heard
his bedroom door slam – from previous experience I had now learned that it
would be safer to let him calm down before trying to talk to him.
Before heading to my own room, I collected the five empty coffee cups from the
living room and washed them, dried them and put them away in the cupboard. I
leaned against the counter and sighed loudly, folding my arms over my chest.
Maybe Mikey was right. It was true that I didn’t know what I was doing, but if
Frank was happy then I was convinced that I was doing the right thing. I headed
upstairs to check on Mikey, hoping that he would be awake so that I could get
Frank’s number, but when I opened his bedroom door he was already asleep on his
bed. He hadn’t bothered to get changed or get under the duvet, so I picked up
the blanket that was carelessly strewn on the floor and put it over him before
picking up his phone from his bedside table. I pulled out my own phone and
transferred Frank’s number before leaving Mikey’s room and closing the door as
quietly as I could. Before I fell asleep myself I sent Frank a simple text
saying ‘Hi, it’s Gerard” and I even put a few kisses at the end, assuming that
this was the correct level of affection to apply in this situation. I quickly
got changed and got into bed, falling asleep before Frank had even had time to
reply.
As usual, the next day I was awake long before Mikey – in fact, he was still
asleep at one o’clock when I was making myself a sandwich. Throughout the
morning I had exchanged a few awkward texts with Frank, but despite how
unnatural it felt to be texting someone all the time, I still smiled every time
I felt my phone buzz. After finishing my lunch, I thought that it was time to
wake my brother up so I made another sandwich and took it upstairs to his room.
I gently shook him awake.
“Mikey… I brought you some lunch,” I mumbled. He grunted ‘thank you’ and sat up
on the bed, taking the plate off me and beginning to eat. “Mikey I understand
that you care a lot about Frank, but could you please explain a bit more why
you’re so worried about him?” I asked.
“Because you didn’t see Frank the day after the party,” he almost whispered,
staring intently at his sandwich and not even glancing up at me. “He kept
saying he wanted to die, Gee. I can’t let him do that. Do you know how much I
would blame myself?”
“He wanted to… kill himself?” I asked, trying to process this information.
Mikey nodded in response, taking a bite of his sandwich. I felt overwhelming
sensation of guilt hit me like a tidal wave, swirling over my head and drowning
me... I couldn’t breathe. “Is it because--”
“It’s not your fault, Gee,” Mikey said in a reassuring tone, knowing what I was
going to say before I could finish my sentence. “I’m pretty sure it was just a
heat of the moment thing, you know, because he was really upset. He’s had a
tough couple of years and I think that things are just getting on top of him at
the moment. I don’t think he would ever do it. I mean, he doesn’t hurt himself
or anything at the moment so I can’t really imagine him going that far right
now. But seriously, it’s not your fault. In fact maybe if this relationship or
whatever it is goes well, Frank might perk up a bit. He won’t want you to know
though, because he knows that you would worry too much… so please don’t tell
him I told you.” I nodded and mumbled something about going to clean the
kitchen before leaving the room to go back downstairs.
I found it difficult to imagine someone being so desperate that they would take
their own life – it was especially hard to think about when that person was
Frank. I was distraught. I had so many decisions to make, and now I had the
added worry of the consequences they would have and whether or not it would
send Frank over the edge. This was unfair… I had never planned to have
someone’s wellbeing put into my hands. I decided that it was time to think
about the issues properly and cease to ignore them as if they were just a dream
that would disappear as quickly as it came. Frank. Frank was beautiful. His
eyes were quite literally the definition of perfection, his face was so
chiselled yet perfectly soft at the same time and the way that his long fringe
flopped into his eyes was just… perfect. Perfect was the only word that I could
think of to describe him and even that strong word didn’t seem to do him
justice. I knew Frank wasn’t technically perfect. Frank wasn’t an exceptional
academic, but for once I was learning to look past intelligence – I was
learning that intelligence and academic success isn’t the only form of
perfection. I had lived my life striving for perfection that I was convinced
lay in books and courses and promotions… but maybe I had found a different type
of perfection. Maybe I had found it in Frank. Did this mean that I liked him in
the same way as he liked me? Despite my ever-present doubts, these new
realisations had strengthened my belief that I was doing the right thing and
that I did in face have undeniably strong feelings for Frank.
I worked for the rest of the afternoon, typing away on my laptop long into the
evening and making spreadsheets to record my students’ grades but the longer I
worked, the harder it became to shut out thoughts of Frank. Despite the fact
that I had become more comfortable in the fact that I wasn’t messing Frank
around and that I definitely did like him, the intensity of my infatuation was
beginning to distress me. I had known Frank for little over a month at this
point, and the fact that thoughts of him were creeping into my mind at every
opportunity scared me a little. I decided that I needed to clear my head a
little and would therefore go for a walk down to the DVD rental store.
“Perhaps a good horror film will show me that there are worse things to be
scared of,” I mumbled to myself before heading downstairs.
Mikey was lounging on the sofa as usual with an empty plate resting on his flat
stomach, watching TV. Without even having to inspect the seat I knew that there
would be crumbs all over it that I would have to clean up later.
“Where’re you going?” he asked as I began pulling on my shoes.
“I’m just going to go and rent a DVD,” I replied shortly, putting my keys and
phone in my coat pocket and walking towards the door.
“Hold on, I’ll come with you. I want to look at the new releases,” Mikey
shouted after me.
“Mikey I need to clear my head and you’re not going to help by coming along.
I’m sorry. I’ll see you later.” With that, I left the house, locking Mikey in
behind me.
I walked at top speed down the street, heading further into town in the general
direction of the store. I tried to distract myself from all thoughts of Frank
in many different ways: searching for patterns in the colours of the cars that
passed, reciting French poetry in my head, counting my steps… but I each time
my train of thought inevitably lead back to Frank. Upon arrival at the store, I
was finally fully distracted with the immense selection of new horror films. I
began to focus on a new decision– should I get a film that I had already seen
or try a new one? I decided that it would be a good idea to get something new
and watch it with Mikey to try and make up for my rudeness on the way out of
the house.
“Hey, Gerard,” said a voice from behind me – I jumped and nearly knocked over a
stand of rom-coms. I immediately realised that the voice belongs to Rosie and I
turned to smile at her. She was wearing a very short, pink dress and her long,
blonde hair was curled into loose waves; she looked even prettier than she did
at work.
“Oh hi, Rosie… what are you doing here?” I was still somewhat bemused by the
fact that I had once again bumped into her outside of work.
“Oh… I’m just on my way into town to meet a few friends for a drink but one of
them asked me to pick up a DVD for her on my way.” She gave me a wry smile –
she was flirting again and it made me exceptionally uncomfortable. “How was
staying with your family?” I was momentarily fazed by what she had said but
once I realised what she meant, I managed to continue my façade.
“Oh, yes I enjoyed it. Everyone was very interested about my new job so I was
forced to talk a lot. But despite that, it was a good get away. We got back
home last night so I thought I would come and get a DVD to watch with Mikey
before unpacking. I’m having some trouble deciding on a film though…”
“How about this one?” she asked, picking up a DVD off the shelf and handing it
to me. Even the cover looked creepy - I definitely hadn’t seen it before and I
didn’t think that Mikey had either, so I decided that it would be as good of a
choice as anything. “It’s one of my favourites.”
“Well I’ll try it out then,” I said, smiling at her gratefully.
“I wish I could pick up a horror for myself but I have to get this ridiculously
soppy film for Amy. I’m just glad that I don’t have to sit through it myself!”
Both of us walked up to the counter, paid and left the store. I offered to call
Rosie a taxi, but she declined politely, insisting that she was only going into
the city centre and that it wasn’t that late. However, I persisted until she
finally relented and allowed a taxi to be called.
“I just want to make sure you get into town safely. If I didn’t call a taxi I
would just worry about you,” I said as the taxi pulled up. I gave the driver
the address of the bar she was going to and pressed some money into his hand.
“That’s really sweet,” Rosie cooed before drawing me into a tight hug. “I’ll
see you after the holidays then!” She raised herself onto her tip-toes and
kissed me on the cheek before stepping into the taxi and waving at me through
the window. I was frozen in place and still couldn’t seem to move long after
the taxi had vanished into the distance. Had I led her on? Was I
unintentionally flirting with her? It was the only logical reason I could think
of to justify her advances. I was horrified.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Rosie had made a good choice – Mikey hadn’t seen the film before and it was in
fact reasonably scary. However, her other actions that evening had left me
feeling a lot less optimistic about her. Whilst watching the film I began to
obsess over the encounter, wondering what could have possibly prompted her to
show such affection towards me again. I had seen her with other members of
staff and I had watched as she interacted with them – she seemed to modify her
behaviour when she was around me. It was obvious from the softening of her
voice, the jealousy when I didn’t meet her for lunch and her advances that she
liked me, but I just couldn’t get my head around why she was continuing to
pursue me. I had already said that I wasn’t in to her, and she had agreed to
just be friends… but she wasn’t acting like a friend.
“Why does she do that?” I mumbled out loud to myself.
“Huh?” Mikey said sleepily, rubbing his eyes and sitting up a bit. “Who are you
talking about?”
“Rosie,” I sighed. “She kissed me on the cheek again and it’s becoming rather
annoying. I’ve told her that I don’t feel that way towards her, but she just
doesn’t seem to understand. What am I meant to do, Mikey?”
“You think too much, Gee.”
“I think about important things, Mikey.”
“No, you obsess over ridiculous things a lot of the time,” Mikey replied
immediately. I sat in silence for a few seconds biting my lip and trying to
think of something to say. “Just tell her you’re gay… she won’t bother trying
to convert you.” He smirked at me and I scowled back.
“But I don’t know if I am gay, Mikey. I don’t know what I am at the moment.”
“Who cares?” Mikey exclaimed. The credits began to roll so Mikey stood up and
stretched before heading towards the stairs. “If you tell her you’re gay then
you’re in the clear – she won’t be offended and she’ll probably stop chasing
after you. Just do it, Gerard. I’m going to bed so I’ll speak to you in the
morning.” I grumbled a goodnight to him before heading to my own room. Maybe
Mikey had a point – it probably would be the easiest way to get Rosie off my
case.
The last few days of the holidays passed pretty uneventfully. I worked the days
away and often carried on late into the nights which caused me to once again
become exceptionally tired and irritable. However, I didn’t seem to get as much
work done as usual as my phone was practically glued to my hand at all times. I
was texting Frank every hour of every day, but if someone had asked me what we
talked about I couldn’t have given a straight answer. We talked about anything
and everything from music to sport and computer games to vacations, but every
single conversation brought a smile to my face and the sensation of excitement
that I got every time my phone buzzed never seemed to die down – I dreaded to
think what my phone bill would look like! Despite the constant contact, I
didn’t see Frank for the rest of the time my mother was away because his
grandparents came to visit and I was preoccupied with my work and the imminent
return of my mother.
Our mom seemed to be a completely different woman when returned from her trip
to Ireland. She practically bounced through the door, thrusting her suitcase at
Mikey for him to take it upstairs before drawing us both into a hug.
“I missed you boys so much!” she exclaimed, rubbing our shoulders. Mikey
squirmed out of her grasp as usual and reluctantly carried the heavy suitcase
upstairs, but I stayed and ushered my mother to the sofa before heading to the
kitchen to make a cup of tea for her. Mom told us about how the conference was
a huge success and she was therefore being promoted and would be going on a lot
more trips throughout the year – out of the corner of my eye I saw Mikey
supress a huge grin. “I got to visit Dublin Castle and the Hill of Tara. Oh and
the National Museum of Ireland was amazing, Gerard, you would have adored it!
My hotel was close to the zoo too so I took a trip there with a few of my
colleagues - they had just introduced a new lion cub and it was the cutest
little thing I had ever seen! I will have to take you boys over there one day!”
“I actually visited Ireland during my time in England,” I interrupted. “I went
to the museum to complete a research project for my course – it is rather
astoundingly beautiful. Still not a patch on the museums in Paris,” I sighed
wistfully. Mikey snorted and I shot him a glare. “I’m glad you enjoyed your
trip though, mom.”
“Thank you, Gerard. What did you boys do while I was away?” Mikey and I
exchanged a wary glance before Mikey decided to answer the question.
“Nothing much really,” he mumbled non-committedly. “I hung out with my friends
quite a lot and Gerard barely left the house as normal.”
“Did you eat properly?” she questioned, placing her mug neatly on one of the
white leather coasters on the coffee table. “Did I leave you enough money?
Neither of you got ill, did you?”
“No, everything was absolutely fine, mom!” I reassured her. “I managed to get a
lot of work done and I think I provided for Mikey and I quite adequately.” My
mother smiled at me before excusing herself to unpack. I turned to Mikey before
standing up myself.
“Do not let on about the party, okay?”
“Like you even have to remind me,” he replied with a roll of his eyes.
I had barely reached my room before my phone began to vibrate again. I left it
for a second but realised when the vibrations didn’t cease that in fact I had
an incoming call. I fumbled around in the tight pockets of my jeans before
successfully retrieving the phone and answering the call – it was Frank.
“Hi, Gerard,” Frank said brightly. Just the mere sound of his voice made me
smile and I mentally scolded myself for swooning so much.
“Hi, Frankie, are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine thanks, Gee. I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to
mine and hang out for a bit,” Frank said, sounding genuinely happy.
“That sounds like a lot of fun, Frank, but my mom just got back from her trip
so I don’t know if I can really come out because she will be expecting me to
help cook dinner. It’s also probably not a great idea just in case I get caught
going to my student’s house for no reason.”
“Oh,” Frank practically whispered – the tone of his voice broke my heart.
“But you could come over after dinner? Just let Mikey know because you will
have to stay under the guise of visiting him but we could all hang out
together,” I said, offering an alternative. Frank perked up and accepted the
invitation ecstatically. We discussed a time that he should come over and made
plans before saying our goodbyes.
“I’ll see you in a bit then, Gee. I love you,” Frank said cheerfully. My heart
stopped and my breath hitched in my throat.
“I’ll see you soon,” I said before putting the phone down – there was no way I
was going to say those three words at that moment. That was the second time
that Frank had said that short sentence that had so much meaning, and on both
occasions I had freaked out. Despite how lovely it felt to be loved, it was
still hard to accept it from someone who I knew I shouldn’t have feelings for.
I tried to shake off the negative thoughts and instead went downstairs to help
my mother prepare dinner.
It was nice to sit around the table as a family again. My mom asked Mikey how
school was going and received a few grunts and shrugs in response, not stopping
shovelling food into his mouth.
“It’s as if Gerard didn’t feed you while I was away,” she chuckled, smiling at
the two of us.
“No, he did… I just missed your cooking,” Mikey mumbled through a mouth full of
roast potatoes. My mother practically beamed at this comment, her smile never
disappearing for the whole of the evening. After everyone had finished eating,
I helped to wash up as usual and even Mikey came to help put the dishes away in
the cupboards – I couldn’t remember the last time he had helped after dinner as
normally he made a run for his room to get out of cleaning.
“Is it okay if Frank comes over in about half an hour, mom?” Mikey asked
tentatively, drying one of mom’s best plates. “We’ve been working on an art
project together and we need to get it done before we go back to school.” I
smiled to myself, knowing that that was definitely not the reason Frank would
be coming over.
“Of course he can, Mikey. Just make sure that you try to keep the noise down
because I’m going to go to bed early – the jet lag has got to me, I’m afraid.”
I was reasonably shocked by my mother’s willingness for Frank to come over at
such short notice. In the past she would have rejected the idea completely and
insisted on days’ notice before someone came over – she really had come back a
different woman.
“Thank you so much. I’ll go and text him now,” Mikey said, placing the plate on
the side and rushing upstairs.
“You could have at least put the plate in the cupboard!” I cried after him, but
he didn’t respond. Instead I resorted to simply tutting and putting it away for
him.
When Frank arrived, I was in my room re-reading a book on the education system
in America and my mother was already fast asleep – the time difference between
the UK and home must have been too much for her. I heard a timid knock on my
door and without even opening it I knew it would be Frank.
“Come in,” I shouted, getting up off my bed to awkwardly greet him. Frank
appeared in the doorway looking uneasy, as if he was waiting for a formal
invitation to step over the threshold. It was at that point that Mikey came up
behind him and pushed him into my room, laughing as Frank stumbled and went
bright red.
“I’m going to skype Ray, so Frank’s all yours,” he said with a small smile.
“Just remember that mom is trying to sleep, so don’t make too much noise. Mikey
slammed the door and I saw Frank’s cheeks turn an even darker shade of read at
that comment.
“Hey, Frankie,” I said brightly, motioning for him to come over. Seemingly
reluctantly, Frank trudged over to me where he buried his face into my chest
and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. Normally I would have panicked at
this informal gesture of affection, but instead I wrapped my arms around him
too. The embrace felt perfect – the way our bodies just fit together like two
pieces of a puzzle mesmerised me. In that moment everything felt so good that
is almost hurt. “How have you been?” I asked in a voice barely higher than a
whisper.
“I’m okay,” he mumbled in response. “How are you?”
“I’m okay too,” I breathed, letting go of Frank.
“What do you want to do this evening then?” I asked, walking across my room to
put my book on the shelf above my desk. “We have a few hours before I’ll have
to drive you home.”
“I don’t know… what do you want to do?” Frank asked, swaying slightly from side
to side. “You choose something.”
“Well my room is kind of boring. I don’t have any cool gaming systems like
Mikey… I have a DVD player though so we could put a movie on?” Frank nodded
enthusiastically. “What do you want to watch? I have some classics, some
musicals, some horrors and quite a few sci-fi films.”
“I really don’t mind… you pick something.” I studied the DVD collection on my
shelf before choosing a random film to watch. I didn’t think it would matter
what we were watching… all that mattered was that we were going to spend some
time together.
“Can we cuddle?” Frank said, smiling shyly at me from the bed. I couldn’t help
but grin back.
“Of course we can.”
We both sat crossed-legged on the bed with our knees touching, but we were
obviously both too awkward to initiate the cuddling. Eventually after at least
half an hour of awkward silence, I hesitantly reached over to put my hand on
Frank’s leg and he instantly leaned into me as if he had been waiting for me to
make a move, gently forcing me to lie backwards on the bed with his head
resting on my chest. Frank curled up into a ball at my side, arm slung
carelessly over my stomach as his fingers trailed aimlessly over the exposed
skin of my side where my t-shirt had ridden up. Despite how nice it felt to
connect with Frank without even having to speak, I was becoming increasingly
uncomfortable with the situation. My thoughts began to race with worries about
how this shouldn’t even be happening. Frank should not be lying on my bed with
me watching a film. Frank shouldn’t even be in my bedroom. The situation was
ridiculous… completely ridiculous and it was becoming too much for me to cope
with. I tried my hardest to control my breathing but it wasn’t long before
Frank noticed how stressed I was becoming.
“Your heart is beating really fast,” Frank mumbled sleepily.
“Yeah,” I managed to force out in a shaky voice. Frank instantly sat up and
looked me straight in the eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, biting his lip in the same way Mikey did. I nodded
and looked away, trying as hard as I could to get myself under control. Frank’s
hand flew up to my face and he put his hand on my cheek, turning my head back
to him. “Gee, what’s up? I can go home if you want… I don’t want to make you
feel uncomfortable.”
“I just need to calm down a bit that’s all… I’m being stupid,” I mumbled,
averting my gaze and looking downwards.
“Gerard, you’re never stupid. You’re handling this a lot better than anyone
else I could, to be honest. I mean, just think about Mikey and Ray! They were
so awkward when they first got together… they barely even held hands and just
got so giggly when either of them made a move. It was so cute but kind of
strange to watch… it was obvious that they both loved each other but they’re
young and everything seems so magnified. I think what you need to remember,
Gerard, is that you’re still young too. You’re only just in your twenties and
you’ve never been with anyone. Even if we ignored the fact that I’m your
student, you would probably still feel like this. It’s just difficult… and I
understand that.” I looked up through my eyelashes and smiled weakly at Frank
before pulling him back onto me to cuddle some more. “I admire you, Gerard,” he
mumbled into my chest, flattening his hand against my stomach. “You’re such a
strong person… I wish I could be like you.”
“Oh, Frankie… you really don’t want to be like me. You’re perfect how you are.”
“I really think we need to finish the conversation we were having with Bob and
Ray and Mikey,” Frank said, shifting himself off me so we were lying side by
side, nose to nose. I nodded in response, sensing that it was Frank who had a
lot to say to me. “Well… I understand that if we were to get together properly
it would be a really risky thing to do because I don’t want you to lose your
job or anything because of me. I’m not so selfish that I would trap you in some
kind of relationship where you were at risk of losing everything. But also I
don’t think I could stand seeing you every day and not being able to think
‘he’s my boyfriend.’ I also understand that it might be a bit awkward because
I’m best friends with your brother, but I have to put up with him and Ray being
all love struck so I’m sure Mikey can put up with this. I know that last time
you said you didn’t know whether you liked me in the same way that I like you…
but I’m happy to wait for you as long as it takes. I can wait for you and I
don’t want you to rush yourself just for me.”
“Frank, I know how I feel,” I interjected, stopping Frank’s mid flow. I took a
deep breath and continued. “I think would like to give a relationship a try as
I am pretty sure that I like you in the way you like me. I’ve had a long time
to think about the situation at hand and although it’s new to me and pretty
fucking terrifying, I would regret it forever if we didn’t give it a shot. I
really do care about you, Frankie, and I would hate to see you get caught up in
this mess if something goes wrong or someone finds out. The thought of you
getting hurt makes my heart break… but like you, the thought of not being with
you hurts even more.” I paused and Frank just looked at me, a smile playing
across his lips. “That’s all I have to say really… I just hope that you still
feel the same way.” I put my hand on Frank’s face, cupping his jaw with my hand
and stroking my finger across the apple of his cheek. “Do you still like me?”
Frank answered my question by nudging forward a little and pressing his lips to
mine, softly and gently. I pushed my hand further backwards, holding the back
of his head and tangling my fingers in his hair, kissing him back with more
passion. Frank pressed himself into me, pushing my back gently so that I rolled
onto my back again, allowing him to sling his leg over me and perch on top of
me. He leaned forward and kissed me again, his lips moving quickly and
desperately as if he was trying to get as much of me in as short of a time
frame as possible.
“This is so much better when we’re not drunk,” I mumbled as Frank began to kiss
down my neck. I felt his warm breath on my collar bone as he giggled before he
started playing with the hem of my shirt. I gently pushed his hand away, not
wanting to explain my lack of confidence in my physical appearance.
“Do you want me to stop?” Frank asked seriously, sitting up and looking at me
worriedly. “I’m sorry if I’m moving too quick… I should ask before I do
anything. I’m sorry.”
“No don’t be sorry – you haven’t done anything wrong. I’m just not comfortable
with myself and… I just can’t do that right now.” Frank just nodded and smiled
at me before lying down on my bed and pulling me on top of him.
“Does this make you feel more comfortable?” he asked, looking up at me. He
looked so cute underneath me and I almost got lost in his big, hazel eyes. I
felt a lot more relaxed in this position – a lot less vulnerable.
“Thank you, Frank… but you don’t need to do this for me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay,” Frank grinned, grabbing my shirt in his fists and pulling me in so
close that I could feel his breath on my face. “I like how you feel on top of
me.”
***** Chapter 14 *****
“Frank, can I speak to you for a minute please?” I asked, calling Frank back
just as everyone else was scurrying out of the classroom. It was the end of a
long week and I only had one period left which luckily was a free hour –
however, I had vowed to spend it with Rosie as I had barely seen her that week.
It had been my toughest week yet. All of the kids were so rowdy and they were
behaving badly as they were obviously not pleased to be back at school, but it
wasn’t just the behaviour of my students that was affecting me. Due to
preparing some of my classes for exams, I was forced to spend most of my free
time marking work or preparing study sessions which inevitably meant that the
only time I could see Frank was during his English lessons and I was desperate
to speak to him properly. He was stood awkwardly in front of my desk, his hands
deep in his jeans pockets while we waited for everyone else to file out of the
room. “How are you?” I asked, getting up and walking to the other side of my
desk to stand in front of him. I put my hands on the edge of the desk and
casually leaned backwards.
“Fine,” he said, but I noticed that he had answered a little too quickly. I
wasn’t at all convinced by his response, but I let it slide this time as I knew
I had to be quick – Frank had another class to go to. “What about you?”
“I’m okay I guess. Do you think that everything feels a little, you know,
awkward between us? We’ve barely spoken all week... have I done something
wrong? If it was about how fast everything seemed to progress last week then
I’m really sorry.”
“No! No, of course you haven’t!” Frank exclaimed, his eyes widening with shock
at my question before he began to giggle. I felt a blush creeping over my
collar bones and up my neck. “You could never do anything wrong. And I also
don’t think that we moved too fast – it was just kissing with a bit of
grinding, Gerard. I’ve moved a lot quicker with other people before. Anyway, I
would tell you if I wasn’t comfortable with something. But I know what you mean
about us not having talked very much. I guess I just don’t want to talk to you
too much at school in case someone catches on… I’d hate for you to get in
trouble over me.”
“Nobody is going to find out, Frank – I promise. It’s all going to be okay.” I
reached out and touched his arm comfortingly, wishing I could just pull him
into a hug and stroke his hair… but that would be far too much of a risk. “Do
you want to stay over at mine tonight? I could tell my mom that you’re staying
in Mikey’s room but you can sleep in my bed if you want. I’m sure that she
won’t mind you staying over if I ask her as soon as possible so that she has a
bit of notice. Maybe we can finish what we started last week.” Frank giggled
again. “What?” I asked, pouting a little as Frank laughed at me.
“It’s funny that you’re an adult and you still have to ask your mom if you can
have people stay over.”
“Not my house – not my rules,” I replied, smiling back. “But I see your point.
I’ll text you during next lesson and if mom says yes then you can just catch a
ride home with Mikey and I – we’ll stop at your house on the way back so you
can grab some clothes, toothbrush and so on.” Frank nodded quickly and said
goodbye before leaving the room and rushing to his next class.
I sighed heavily and forced myself to head towards the reception area, dragging
my feet and taking a longer route in order to lessen the time that I had to
spend with Rosie. As always, she greeted me enthusiastically and I forced a
smile, trying to keep up the façade that I wasn’t bothered by the way that
Rosie acted around me.
“How have you been?” she asked, but she continued talking before I could give
an answer. “I haven’t seen you properly in so long – I hope everything’s going
okay. Have the kids been okay this week? We’ve had a lot of complaints from
other teachers about how badly behaved they’ve all got over the holiday…. I
hope your classes have been okay.”
“I’m fine, thank you. I’m really enjoying teaching and all of my students are
making brilliant progress so far. I must admit that some of my students have
been somewhat challenging this week… but it’s been nothing I can’t cope with.”
“Awesome!” she exclaimed. I flinched slightly how loudly she said it. “So how
are other things going… found a special lady yet?” I tried not to let my smile
falter at this obvious attempt to find out if I was still single. Instead, I
decided that I would use this opportunity to try and get Rosie off my back.
“I’ve found a special someone,” I mumbled. It was her turn to maintain her
smile, although she was a lot less successful than me. I saw her smile
momentarily falter and I noticed the hurt in her eyes, which did awake feelings
of guilt inside me… but eventually she managed to give me her normal wide grin
as she leaned forward enthusiastically.
“Who is it?!”
“I- I can’t tell you. I mean, we haven’t told anyone else about it yet and
we’re going to keep it rather quiet for now just to see how it goes,” I said,
avoiding her inquisitive gaze.
“Is she pretty? What does she look like? Do I know her?”
“Well… It’s kind of hard to explain…” I started, but once again I was
interrupted.
“Oh well never mind then,” Rosie said with a casual wave of her hand. “One day
I can meet her, yeah? Then I’ll see for myself.”
“Sure,” I said, smiling awkwardly at Rosie. Obviously I had no intention of
telling her about Frank, but at least maybe the mystery of the secret suitor
would keep her satisfied for a while.
“I promise I won’t tell a soul!” She mimed zipping her lips which made me
genuinely smile a little – despite her forwardness, she did have good
intentions.
“Thank you, Rosie – that’s really kind of you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need
to go and make a call.”
My mother agreed that Mikey could have Frank sleep over as she was going out
for a meal with her colleagues that evening anyway, so I quickly texted the
good news to Frank, hoping that he would get the message before the end of
class. For the rest of the hour I listened to Rosie rambling on about her life
and her friends but I paid very little attention. I let my mind begin to wonder
to thoughts of Frank in bed with me, cuddled up into my side with his head on
my chest. It was moments like those that made me realise how insignificant
everything else was – all of my troubles and worries seemed to melt away when I
could feel the warmth of his breath through my t-shirt. However, a different
kind of worry was beginning to creep into my mind – did Frank want to take the
relationship further? I knew that it had been almost two weeks since Mikey’s
party where we had first kissed, but everything seemed to be moving so fast.
Was it normal for a relationship to progress at this rate? He had said himself
that he thought we weren’t moving fast at all, which made me wonder just how
many people he had been with before me and just how far he had gone with them.
A new worry began to arise within me – what if Frank did something tonight? I
had no idea how to react in intense, passion-fuelled situations and therefore I
would probably end up embarrassing myself or doing something completely
inappropriate. I bit the inside of my cheek, annoyed that my own lack of
experience was fuelling my insecurities. There was no way that I could know
what a normal progress rate in a relationship was… and I wasn’t a teenager
anymore, so maybe fast was normal. I couldn’t be sure.
The second that I heard the metallic ringing of the school bell I practically
jumped out of my seat and rushed towards the car park, only pausing to say a
brief goodbye to Rosie. As I was hurrying through the glass doors of the
reception I heard her shout something after me, but I was so intent on spending
as much time with Frank as possible that I paid no attention to what she said
and merely shouted back a general “okay, I’ll see you soon!” I climbed into the
car and started up the engine, fingers tapping impatiently against the steering
wheel as I waited for Mikey and Frank to appear. I was grateful to be relieved
of the stiflingly uncomfortable atmosphere that seemed to surround me every
time I was in a room with Rosie until I realised that the car journey home was
probably going to be just as awkward.
After a few minutes of waiting impatiently in my car the two boys eventually
showed up and Mikey slipped into the front seat as Frank sat quietly in the
back, his leg jittering up and down in a nervous manner.
“How was school?” I asked, sarcasm ruling my voice. Frank didn’t reply but
Mikey began ranting about how ‘stupid’ everyone in his year was.
“Basically at lunch time Hannah started trying to flirt with Ray and I swear I
nearly punched the stupid slut in the face but Bob had to control me. I mean,
she knows that Ray is taken… I think her friends put her up to it. Oh my god,
then Charlie started picking on Frank again--”
“What?” I interrupted, turning back to throw a worried glance at Frank and
accidently causing the car to swerve a little. Frank just looked at Mikey with
wide eyes before staring out of the window in silence.
“Oh shit. I’m sorry, Frank. I didn’t mean to say anything I was just getting so
worked up about everything.”
“Just leave it, Mikey,” Frank said in a flat tone, looking down in his lap and
clasping his hands.
“What happened, Frank?” I asked - neither of them replied. “Can someone please
tell me?” I was becoming increasingly irritated.
“It doesn’t matter,” Frank muttered, his voice shaking a little. I shot him a
wary glance via the mirror and he shrunk into his seat. “Fine, I’ll tell you
later.” Satisfied with this answer, I returned my full attention to the road
and focused on getting us to Frank’s in one piece.
Frank quickly got out the car and scuttled up to his house to fetch the
necessities he would need for staying at our house. Mikey remained in the
passenger seat, still looking exceptionally guilty.
“Mikey… how many people has Frank been with before me?” I asked, using the
moment alone to get some answers from my brother.
“I don’t think it’s really fair of me to tell you,” Mikey mumbled, biting his
nails. “Why do you want to know anyway?”
“I’m just worried about how this relationship is progressing. I obviously have
nothing to compare this experience to but I am aware that Frank has had
previous lovers.”
“Don’t say lovers, Gerard. It makes you sound so old and it’s creepy,” Mikey
teased, smiling at me. “He’s been with two other guys, but that’s all I’m
telling you. Anything else, you can ask him,” he said quickly as Frank came
running back down the path towards the car.
“I’m sorry if I made you wait,” he panted, clambering into the car and putting
on his seatbelt. “I couldn’t find any clean t-shirts so I had to look all over
the house to find one…”
“Frank, it’s fine,” I chuckled, starting up the engine again. “You were only
gone five minutes… you need to stop apologizing for things like that.”
When we got back to my house, Frank and I immediately headed up to my room so
that Frank could put his rucksack somewhere out of the way to avoid running the
risk of my mother complaining. Frank placed his bag at the side of my bed
before sitting down and looking up at me through his eyelashes.
“My mom is going out in about an hour,” I said, joining him on the bed. “I
think that maybe to avoid suspicion you should go and hang out with Mikey until
then. My mother may be oblivious to a lot of things, but I think that even she
would notice that my brother’s friend was hanging out with me instead…”
“But I want to spend time with you,” Frank said, pouting as he leaned sideways
into me and rubbed his head against my shoulder. “I haven’t seen you properly
for ages and I just want to cuddle and stuff.” I sighed and lightly placed a
kiss on the top off his head.
“I know, Frankie, I know. I want to spend time with you too but I just don’t
want to push our luck… Mikey is your best friend anyway so you should probably
go and spend some time with him. Besides, I should get my work done now so that
I can give you my full attention for the rest of the night.” Frank grumbled a
little but seemed reasonably satisfied with this answer and so stood up, placed
a quick kiss to my lips and headed across the hallway to Mikey’s room.
About an hour later I headed downstairs to say goodbye to my mom and to find
the number for the local takeaway pizza delivery – I didn’t want to waste any
time cooking, so I thought ordering a pizza would be far less time consuming.
“I’ll be back around eleven o’clock so don’t wait up for me,” mom said, picking
up her keys from the table. “Make sure that Mikey and Frank get something to
eat and make sure they don’t go to bed too late. Oh, and please don’t let them
make a mess. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she gushed, scuttling out of the house in
her black patent heels. I shut the door behind her and headed back upstairs to
find out what kind of pizzas I should order – and to take Frank off Mikey’s
hands.
“So what happened at school today?” I asked, shutting the door behind me as
Frank and I entered my bedroom. Mikey had agreed to order the pizza and he was
going to let us know when it arrived. Instead of answering my question, Frank
just sat heavily on the bed and began picking at a loose thread on his hoodie
sleeve. I sat down carefully next to him and put my arm around him, attempting
to comfort Frank because he obviously needed it. “What’s up, sweetheart?” Frank
leaned into me and rested his head on my chest.
“It’s nothing, really… It was just Charlie. He pushed me against a wall and
called me so many names… sometimes he just makes me question whether being with
a guy is the right thing to do.” I stiffened slightly before pulling Frank into
a tight hug.
“Frank don’t you dare ever think that,” I said quietly, stroking his hair. “The
only thing that’s wrong about this situation is people making you feel like
that. Don’t ever be ashamed of being yourself, because I would never think less
of you for something like that and neither would Mikey or anyone else that
cares about you.” Frank’s eyes began watering. “I’ll have no tears tonight,
Frank – even happy ones.” Frank rubbed his nose with his hoodie sleeve and my
heart melted with how cute he looked.
“Okay,” he mumbled. “Can we cuddle now?”
I picked up a random film off my DVD shelf and put it on, knowing full well
that Frank wouldn’t care what was on the TV – he just wanted to spend time in
my arms. After pressing play I strolled back over to my bed and lay down,
letting Frank crawl across to me and immediately rest his head on my chest, his
right arm slung carelessly across my stomach. I slid my arm around him and
pulled him in closer, wanting to be as near to him as was physically possible.
These moments were so precious. These moments where neither of us was speaking,
neither of us was fretting… these moments where we were one. These moments when
the world stopped turning just for us and the only sound I could hear was
Frank’s soft breathing. The only thing I could feel was the heat of his body
against mine. It was in these moments that I felt whole… I felt perfect.
Unfortunately I was brought back into reality by the sound of the doorbell
ringing, signalling that the pizza was here. Frank made an unhappy noise into
my chest and latched himself onto me, attempting to stop me getting up off the
bed.
“Frank, I need to get the pizza! I have to pay for it,” I giggled, trying to
pry the small boy who was smiling from ear to ear off me. My arm gave way
underneath me and I lost my balance, thus falling off the bed and dragging
Frank with me. We lay in a heap in the floor laughing uncontrollably until
Mikey stormed up the stairs to demand money off me, looking deeply unimpressed
by our state. It was only then that I managed to escape Frank’s clutches and
dash downstairs with my wallet to pay the pizza man, receiving the warm
cardboard boxes in exchange. I carried the boxes upstairs and passed one to
Mikey who skulked back into his room and shut the door behind him, evidently
hoping that we wouldn’t disturb him. It didn’t bother me – I didn’t want to be
disturbed either. I put our pizza box on the bed and sat down with Frank to
tuck in, trying not to worry too much about the amount of crumbs that were
going to end up in my bed.
“You don’t have to order vegetarian pizza just for me you know, Gee. I could
buy my own… I don’t want to be a pain,” Frank mumbled through a mouthful of
pizza.
“It’s fine, Frankie,” I replied, although I waited until I had finished my
mouthful. “I like this pizza anyway.”
“Do you want any money towards it?” he asked, rummaging in his pocket to try
and find something to offer me. I rolled my eyes at him and tutted.
“No! It’s my treat, sweetheart. I promise it’s absolutely fine,” I said, trying
to make him stop worrying – it seemed to work. We ate the rest of the pizza in
silence and then cuddled again until the end of the film. As I stood up to put
another film in, Frank grabbed my hand and pulled me back. I looked at him with
a confused expression etched onto my face, but I was met with a wry smirk.
“Frank?” I said, my mouth going dry as Frank bit his lip seductively.
“I want to give you something in return for the pizza,” he drawled, pulling me
on top of him with a reasonable amount of force. “This is my treat for you.”
***** Chapter 15 *****
Frank wrapped his arms around my neck and looked up at me through his
eyelashes, as if searching for approval. I smiled softly at him and shifted my
weight onto one arm so that I could stroke his cheek, running my finger slowly
down his across his delicate skin. I unconsciously glanced down at his lips,
licking my own at the same time.
“You’re beautiful,” I finally whispered, putting my hand back down on the bed
to steady myself. I quickly realised that giving this compliment – or any
compliment at all – was a mistake as Frank immediately broke eye contact with
me and his whole body tensed.
“I’m not,” he muttered under his breath, turning his head slightly to the size
to avoid looking at me. I placed my finger under his chin, gently forcing him
to look upwards and meet my gaze. I opened my mouth as if to say something but
became immediately lost in Frank’s perfect eyes. He tried to look away again so
I stroked his cheek softly, hoping that something even slightly romantic would
eventually come spilling out of my mouth.
“You’re the most beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I
wish you could see that,” I breathed before harshly pressing my lips against
his. Frank was obviously caught unaware as he moaned loudly into my mouth, his
hands instinctively rising up to grab handfuls of my hair which he tugged
softly. I didn’t bother shushing him as my mother was still out and I had
ignored Mikey’s very vocal interactions with Ray enough times for him to allow
me this one night. I saw Frank shift uncomfortably, but for once he didn’t try
and argue with me – he merely kissed me back even more passionately than before
and it wasn’t long before he began to take control of the situation. His tongue
ran gently over my bottom lip, waiting for me to open my mouth and let him in –
of course, I obliged. Before I allowed myself to be taken over by thoughts of
stopping, I shook all negativity out of my head and instead took the experience
up a level by pressing out bodies together and grinding my hips into his.
Having never been in a situation like this before, I wasn’t quite sure if what
I was doing was right or even if it was pleasuring Frank… that was until he
momentarily broke the kiss to moan into my neck. His hands began wandering over
my body eventually resting on my waist, guiding my hips into a rhythm – I took
that as in invitation to grind a little harder.
The friction between us was sparking reactions all over my body. I had never
felt anything like this before – I was becoming increasingly hot and turned on
and I could sense that Frank was feeling the same way. Small, soft moans kept
slipping from his mouth and into my ear as I kissed down his neck, nipping
lightly at the soft skin by his protruding collar bones. The moans themselves
were almost enough to push me over the edge, but I kept myself together,
knowing that if I did, we could continue in this way for longer. Suddenly,
Frank moved his hand to my crotch and began palming me through my jeans – I
moaned so loudly that I startled myself. I had never felt this much pleasure
before in my life and it was far too much to process properly. I was getting
harder and harder with every movement of Frank’s hand until I could barely hold
my own head up any more. I allowed my head to droop onto Frank’s shoulder, my
breath hot on the patches of his neck that were still red from earlier.
“Do you want me to…?” Frank started to ask, lifting my head to look into my
eyes. For a moment I didn’t understand what he was asking as too much was going
on, but eventually I grasped that he was asking permission to move his hand
underneath the barrier of my jeans.
“Y-yes,” I breathed, before quickly coming to my senses. “But you don’t have
to. I don’t want you to think I’m--.”
“I want to,” he interrupted, not hesitating for a second as he popped open the
button of my jeans and shimmied them a couple of inches down below my hips. I
began sucking on his neck again, panting and whining in his ear, practically
begging for him to touch me.
“You’ve really never been touched like this before?” Frank asked, hesitating a
moment to look up at me. I stiffened a little before hiding my head in the
pillow, the feeling of humiliation creeping in. “Well, I’ll just have to do my
best to make you enjoy it.” He smirked and suddenly wrapped his hand around the
base of my cock. A strangled gasp hitched in my throat, not quite making it all
the way out – the pleasure was all too much. He started with tentative, slow
strokes but it wasn’t long before I was thrusting violently into his hand,
forcing Frank to pick up the pace. His hand was practically gliding up and down
my erection, beads of pre-cum being spread up and down my shaft. I pressed my
face into the pillow to try and muffle the stream of obscenities spewing from
my mouth, aware that the noises I was making could probably be heard pretty
clearly by Mikey in his own room.
“Frank,” I moaned out directly into his ear, causing his hips to buck. “Frank,
I’m so close… so close.” Frank began twisting his wrist and pumping faster,
causing my moans to become higher and higher in pitch and intensity. My cheeks
were burning and my eyelids were drooping – I wanted to climax so badly but at
the same time I wanted this to continue. I wanted to continue being this
intimate with Frank, despite all of the problems it could potentially cause. It
didn’t take much longer before I came, groaning Frank’s name out into the
pillow as I released onto his t-shirt and the section of his stomach had been
uncovered during the act. My arms collapsed underneath me as I rode out the
pleasure, causing me to fall onto Frank and therefore into my own cum –
disgusting.
I offered to reciprocate Frank’s gesture but he just giggled and went red,
throwing me a slightly embarrassed look – it seemed that he hadn’t needed my
help at all. Instead we just lay and kissed for a little longer before I
insisted on changing our clothes and the bed sheets. While Frank searched
through my draws for a top that would fit him, I stripped the bed and waited
for his soiled cloths before taking the sheets down to the kitchen to put them
into the washing machine. I made a mental note to get them out of the washing
machine as early as possible the next day – the last thing I needed was my mom
finding mine and Franks clothes together in the machine. On my way back to my
room, I was accosted by a rather angry looking Mikey who was standing in his
bedroom door with a scowl on his face.
“Never again,” he growled before slamming his bedroom door. I sniggered to
myself and returned to my room. When I re-entered my room, I saw that Frank was
already asleep, curled up under my duvet in one of my old Iron Maiden t-shirts
with his mouth slightly open. I smiled softly at him, marvelling at how
beautiful he looked even in his sleep – I was so lucky to have someone like him
to share a bed with. I slid into the other side of my bed and sidled up to him,
wrapping my arm around his waist and planting a soft kiss on the back of his
neck. Frank mumbled in his sleep and pressed backwards into me, pushing us
closer together. I smiled to myself and nuzzled my face into his back –
everything was perfect.
The next morning I awoke long before Frank, who I knew normally slept well into
the afternoon on weekends. However, despite being an early riser I stayed lying
in bed with Frank and waited until eleven o’clock before gently shaking him
awake.
“What?” Frank grumbled groggily, rolling over to face me. His nose was almost
touching mine and his eyes were still firmly closed. “What time is it?”
“It’s eleven,” I replied, carefully stroking his fringe out of his face. Frank
groaned dramatically and cuddled in close to me, wrapping his arm tightly
around my waist and resting his head against my chest.
“Why have you woken me up this early,” he mumbled – I couldn’t help but giggle
at his sulky tone.
“I was wondering if you wanted any breakfast, sweetheart.” Frank’s mood
miraculously transformed from grumpy to excited and he looked up at me with a
grin on his face.
“Can we have pancakes?” he asked in a more awake tone.
“Of course we can.”
I left Frank in bed while I cooked up two batches of pancakes from scratch,
knowing that Mikey wouldn’t be awake for a few more hours at least. Whilst I
was waiting for the hob to heat up I noticed that my mother had left a note on
the kitchen counter for me, telling me that she had gone shopping for a new
dress with a colleague and that she wouldn’t be back until the evening. I
smiled to myself slightly relieved, knowing that if she was at home she would
have suspected that something strange was going on by that point. Suddenly I
remembered the clothes in the washing machine and I checked to see if they were
still there, hoping that my mom hadn’t wanted to put any laundry in this
morning. Luckily for me, the machine still just held my sheets and our clothes.
I breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to my cooking, hoping to return to
Frank as quick as possible. Fortunately, the recipe that I had chosen was for
‘quick and easy white chocolate chip pancakes,’ so the cooking process didn’t
take an excessive amount of time and so I was able to return to my room in less
than half an hour.
“Frank,” I mumbled, shaking him awake less gently this time. He grumbled
groggily and pulled the sheet up over his head, muttering something about it
still being too early. “Don’t be sulky with me! I just made you breakfast!” I
tugged the whole duvet off Frank’s body, laughing a little as he curled up into
a ball when his pale legs were exposed to the cold air.
“Jesus Christ, Gerard! Please give me the duvet back! It’s fucking freezing in
here!”
“Sit up then! I don’t want you getting crumbs all in my bed,” I scolded,
putting the duvet back onto Frank’s shivering body and placing the tray down on
his knees. “I hope they’re okay… I made them myself using a really interesting
recipe that I read the other week,” I rambled, sitting on top of my bed sheets
to eat my own breakfast, intent on not getting pancake crumbs in my side of the
bed. Frank didn’t seem to be listening to me, but I assumed he approved of my
cooking considering the rate at which he was shoving the food into his mouth.
“I know that white chocolate is one of your favourites so I thought it would be
perfect.”
“They’re amazing, Gee. Thank you so much for doing this. No one has ever made
me breakfast in bed before. Well… except for my mom, but she doesn’t count!”
Frank said quickly, putting another forkful of food into his mouth. I beamed at
him, grateful for the compliment.
“It’s my pleasure, Frank.”
After I had finished my breakfast too, we took the plates downstairs so that I
could wash them and put them away before my mom got home. Frank sat on the
counter next to me whilst I washed, still only wearing my t-shirt and his
boxers – it was hard to concentrate on housework when Frank’s pale thighs were
constantly in my peripheral vision.
“Gee,” Frank purred, shifting along the counter to get closer to me. “Gee, I’m
bored.”
“I’m cleaning, Frank,” I said, trying to ignore the way Frank’s hands were
moving restlessly up and down his slender thighs. “I have to make sure that
this kitchen is spotless or my mom really won’t be happy.”
“But Gerard!” he whined, pouting at me and pretending to be very upset. “You
woke me up for this and now you’re ignoring me for some stupid cleaning!”
Eventually I gave up and dried my hands before stepping over to him.
“This is a kitchen, Frank… it’s a place for preparing food, not sleeping with
your students,” I said wryly, stepping in between his legs. Frank immediately
crossed his ankles behind my back, trapping me between his thighs. His arms
immediately slid around my neck and he leaned forward a little, his lips barely
inches away from mine. “Well…” I mumbled dryly, my throat closing up a little.
“Maybe a little bit of fun wouldn’t be too bad.” Frank grinned triumphantly.
“All work and no play can’t be fun, Mr Way,” Frank drawled, batting his
eyelashes before kissing me as passionately as he had done the night before. My
hands spread across the base of his spine, pulling him in closer, longing to
feel as close to him as I was last night.
“That’s gross,” sounded a quiet voice from the doorway. I immediately jumped
back, completely startled by the sudden presence of someone else in the small
room. Of course it was only Mikey, but the situation was still incredibly
awkward – I could feel my cheeks flushing as Frank pulled his shirt down,
trying to preserve some of his modesty. “I cook my food in here!”
“Mikey, you have never cooked in your life,” I retorted, awkwardly smiling a
little. Frank hopped down from the counter and scuttled off upstairs,
presumably to put some more clothes on, all the time not looking Mikey in the
eye. My brother just shoved me out of the way and skulked over to the kettle –
he was like a zombie without his morning coffee.
“I still don’t need to see that first thing in the morning.” I returned to
putting the dishes away in the cupboards above the sink, not knowing what to
say to him. “I hear you had fun last night,” he eventually said. I could hear
the smirk in his voice. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but this was one of
the rare times that I was lost for words.
“I guess,” I finally managed to croak out, lowering my head to let my black
hair cover the redness of my cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Gee,” Mikey said, heading out of the kitchen with
a steaming cup of black coffee. “Just don’t make me have to sit through that
again!”
Frank and I lounged around in my room for the rest of the afternoon, talking
aimlessly about school, comics, films and anything else that we could think of.
It was relaxing to just spend time with someone where I didn’t have to worry
about upsetting them like with Rosie, or keep secrets like I did with my
mother. It was a relief to know that there was always going to be someone there
for me. I knew that my brother filled that role as well, but there are some
things that you just can’t discuss with your younger brother. Mikey also didn’t
care about most of the things I had to say. However, when I talked to Frank he
hung off my every word. If I began to talk about the books I had been reading,
or new articles that I had discovered, he would always engage with me and
listen attentively, seeking clarification when he didn’t understand something –
it was a refreshing change from the ‘yeah, whatever’ response I got from Mikey
every time I went off on a tangent. It was just nice to spend time with someone
and not be judged at all.
At around half past four in the afternoon I insisted that Frank should go home,
knowing that my mother would be back soon after.
“I don’t want to leave you though,” he said, sounding genuinely upset. It hurt
to see him like that, but I knew that it wasn’t possible for him to just stay
here indefinitely.
“You’re going to see me on Monday,” I said weakly, trying to offer some form of
support. “Also, we can organise something for next weekend if you would like
that?” I suggested. This evoked a more passionate reaction in Frank, who
grinned broadly and gave me a huge hug. “What the plan will be will depend on
how much work I get done in the week though, so nothing is set in concrete yet.
Either way, I will make sure I at least see you, even if you can’t stay over.”
Frank nodded understandingly before getting up off my bed to collect all of his
belongings together.
“Do you want a lift home?” I asked Frank when we were downstairs. He was sat on
my sofa tugging on his worn out, black converse.
“Nah, I think I’ll walk. It’s nice to just walk sometimes,” he replied,
standing up and picking up his bag. “Thank you though. I guess I’ll see you on
Monday.” He sounded a little sad, but I had expected that tone so I tried not
to get too upset by it.
“Yes, you will. Bye, Frank,” I said, embracing him before I opened the front
door and step outside with him. Frank walked about three steps down the path
before turning back and returning to stand in front of me.
“I forgot something.”
“What?” I asked. “I’ll run in and get it for you.” Frank just smiled and
reached up on his tip-toes to plant a soft kiss on my lips.
“A goodbye kiss,” he giggled, hugging me again.
“Gerard?” a voice sounded from the bottom of the path. I looked past Frank and
saw a woman, stood by her bright red car at the bottom of my drive, staring
wide-eyed at the two of us. “What’s going on?” Frank spun around and froze to
the spot, both of us just staring at the blonde woman – Rosie had seen
everything. My chest went tight and I momentarily stopped breathing – time
seemed to stop all together as my world came crashing down around me. This was
the worst thing that could have happened.
***** Chapter 16 *****
“I can explain,” I stammered as soon as I could make myself speak again,
stepping away from Frank and holding my hands out in front of me. I saw the
heartbreak momentarily flash across Frank’s face as I moved, but he quickly
realised the severity of the situation and his expression changed to one of
fear. Rosie looked at each of us in turn as if she was trying to make sense of
what she had just seen.
“None of this is Gerard’s fault, Rosie – I promise! It was all me,” Frank
babbled, stepping forward a little. I was a little startled by his outburst – I
didn’t expect him to be the first to react. Rosie didn’t move a muscle… she
just stood by her car, mouth slightly open with my briefcase in her hand.
“Please don’t tell anyone! Gerard will lose his job and you know how good of a
teacher he is.” Frank was getting more and more worked up by the second.
“Maybe we should go inside and talk about this,” Rosie finally said in a
business-like voice, cutting Frank off. Her face was like stone as she walked
up the path, passing between us without as much as a glance up from the
pavement. I drew Frank into a quick hug behind her back and we exchanged a
worried glance before reluctantly following her inside.
I closed the door behind the three of us, leaning my forehead against it as it
as it clicked shut. I took in a deep, shuddery breath as I turned around to
face the room. No one was seated – Frank was stood in the corner by the door to
the kitchen and Rosie was stood in the middle of the room, in front of the TV.
Her arms were folded across her chest and her lips were pursed tightly together
– a perfect picture of complete anger. I heard footsteps above us in the
corridor upstairs – Mikey. I looked desperately at Frank who understood me
completely and rushed to the foot of the stairs to send Mikey upstairs, but it
was too late.
“Gee, have you seen my new comics?” he shouted, walking heavily down the stairs
and staring at his phone, not noticing what was going on in the living room.
“Oh,” he said, seeing Frank at the bottom of the stair case. “You’re still here
Frank?” Frank remained silent. “What’s going on?” he asked, seeing the look on
Frank’s face. It was in that moment that he looked to his right and saw Rosie
tapping her foot impatiently in the centre of the room. “Oh shit,” he mumbled,
stopping dead in his tracks.
“Maybe Frank should go back upstairs with Mikey so that we can talk like
adults, Gerard,” Rosie spat, looking down her nose at the person that I loved.
“No!” Frank protested immediately. “I’m an adult too and I can handle whatever
you’re going to say. You’re going to be talking about me so I have every right
to be here.” I shot him a worried and pleading look, silently begging him to
leave just to reduce the conflict in the room. I hoped that if I were left
alone with Rosie, I may be able to diffuse the situation a little more
efficiently.
“Oh, please, Frank!” She let out a short, shrill laugh. “You’re not an adult at
all, and that’s the problem here.” Frank opened his mouth, gaping at Rosie for
a minute before Mikey grabbed him by the shoulders and steered him upstairs, a
look of confusion still on his face. I hoped that Frank would explain the
situation to Mikey whilst they were upstairs.
“Why are you even here, Rosie?” I asked, filling the awkward silence that
followed Mikey and Frank’s departure.
“I tried to tell you that you had left your briefcase behind reception, but you
were in too much of a rush to listen to me. So I thought I would bring it over
for you today. I can see now why you were in such a rush,” she said bitterly,
dropping my briefcase carelessly to the floor with a thump and sitting in the
arm chair closest to her, crossing her heels neatly. I cringed as the leather
casing scuffed against the carpet. “Would you care to explain what I just saw,
Gerard?” I just stared at her blankly, once again unable to form any kind of
meaningful sentence. I could feel my anger levels rising as I began twitching,
twiddling my fingers and shifting my weight from one foot to another. “Gerard
you can either explain this to me now or I can go straight to the principal on
Monday and tell him all about your dirty little secret.”
“You have no right to do that,” I snapped, my entire body tensing with rage.
“You can’t… you wouldn’t do that to me.”
“I have every right to do that because what you’re doing is illegal, Gerard.
What makes you think that I wouldn’t anyway? Is this why you… oh my god,” she
whispered. “Is he the reason why you couldn’t… why you wouldn’t go out with
me?” I stared at her blankly, teeth grinding together in my mouth. She laughed
hollowly. “I mean, I was pissed off when you told me you were already with
someone, but I just kind of accepted it because I didn’t want to be that person
who breaks up relationships… but him? Are you serious? I thought you would be
with some skinny, meek brainbox… you really chose that scrawny, little child
over me? You really are stupid, Gerard. It’s disgusting… it’s wrong.”
“Excuse me?” I said quietly, cutting her rant short. By this point I was
shaking with rage and it was a struggle to control myself. “Who are you calling
a scrawny, little child? Who do you think you are, Rosie? How dare you come
here into my own home and tell me who I can and can’t date. You think it’s
wrong for a male to date other males? I knew you weren’t particularly
intelligent and I expected some form of ignorance from you on such social
issues like this… but full blown homophobia? I didn’t think you were capable of
that. I can love who I want to love, and it’s none of your business.”
“Maybe it’s not any of my business, but you can’t deny that it is illegal to
sleep with someone who is your student,” she retorted. “It’s disgusting.”
“The only thing that’s disgusting here is your attitude,” I practically yelled
at her. I began to pace up and down the living room, trying to calm myself down
a little. Rosie looked a little startled by my outburst, but I wasn’t going to
stop now.
“Frank is almost eighteen years old. In a few weeks he will be able to do
whatever he wants with whoever he wants. He has a future to decide – and I’m
not saying that he has to decide right now. He could transfer schools… come and
live with me. I have endless job opportunities that I could peruse. I could
work anywhere with my qualifications. You, on the other hand, have nothing
going for you but your looks. You’ll be stuck as a receptionist for your whole
life – a job that merely requires you to sit and look pretty.” I stopped and
stood still, breathing deeply. Rosie was looking at me with rage in her eyes,
clearly trying to conceal how insulted she felt. I didn’t care that I was being
harsh… I just needed to get the situation under control.
I looked directly into Rosie’s eyes, pleading with her.
“Please… please just don’t tell anyone. We’re not acting on our feelings in
public and we’re not doing anything irresponsible, I promise you. Only two
other people know about what’s going on, so it’s not as if the whole world
knows and we are at risk of someone in authority finding out. In a few months’
time, I will no longer be Frank’s teacher. He’s a junior now and if he goes off
to a different senior high school to do is senior year it will technically no
longer be illegal. Also I’m only twenty two… I’m barely five years older than
him. You’re three years older than me, Rosie, and you had no problems pursuing
me.” She opened her mouth to protest, but I cut her off before she had the
chance. “Yes, I understand that it was different as we are both adults, but
Frank is almost of age – what are a few months for two people who truly care
for each other? If you ever cared for me, Rosie, you would do this one thing
for me. I need to protect my job opportunities. I have never asked anything of
you before and after this you will never have to even see me again. I’ll move
and teach at another school… just please don’t take Frankie away from me.” My
voice began to crack as my eyes welled up with tears. “I’ve never felt like
this about anyone else before. I was always the snobby, intelligent kid that
wouldn’t do anything that involved talking to people because I was too busy
with my books… so no one ever made any kind of effort with me. But Frank has
made a great effort to get to know me. He has made me see the world
differently. I don’t want to lock myself in my room all day and study anymore.
I don’t want to read and read until my eyes can’t focus on the page any longer.
I want to have fun. I want to interact with my family in the mornings. I spend
more time with my brother. My social skills have improved so drastically that
it’s strange to think about how awkward I was just a few weeks ago when I first
walked through the doors of that reception. I don’t just see everything as a
problem to be solved anymore… I see it as life. And life is to be lived… Frank
has made me see that. Frank has made me so happy already and he’s only been in
my life for a short amount of time – just think of how I could be if I could
stay with him.”
“I don’t care what good he has done for you,” Rosie said, standing up quickly.
She looked absolutely furious and there were tears welling up in her eyes now
too. “I don’t fucking care how much you love Frank. I never wanted you as a
friend, Gerard. I wanted you to be mine. I love you.”
“You’re being irrational,” I retorted. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You
don’t love me at all, Rosie – you don’t even know me! You see me once a day,
twice sometimes, and we make general small talk for half an hour before we both
go off to continue working. I speak to you only slightly more than I speak to
my other colleagues and I would never even consider asking them to hang out
with me. You can’t really think that you know me properly just because of
that.”
“Well I do,” Rosie said desperately, still trying to convince me that I was
wrong.
“No. You know what I think of some of my students, how I’m settling in, what my
favourite classes to teach are and my educational background. You don’t know
what my favourite pizza topping is or my favourite book. You don’t know where
my favourite holiday destination is or what I do for fun with my brother. If I
asked, you wouldn’t be able to tell me what my favourite album is or what my
childhood was like. Frank knows all of these things. You know my work persona,
Rosie, but I’ve realised not that that isn’t me. I am a three dimensional human
being who is not merely defined by their work and qualifications. I’m defined
by what I love… and I love Frank.” Rosie just stared at me, her expression
suddenly turning once more to stone. She ran a perfectly manicured finger under
her eyelid to catch the stray tear that had managed to break free.
“If that’s how you feel then why should I risk my job to protect you and hide
your dirty little secret? I’ll cut you a deal though, not because I care about
you, but because I care about Frank’s wellbeing: if you quit your job here so
that I never have to see your face again, I will keep my mouth shut. In return
you keep me out of it and I never have to see you again. If you break this deal
then it won’t be the principal that I go to – I will go straight to the police.
I don’t want anything more to do with you, Gerard. ” She straightened her skirt
and walked towards the door, a sway back in her step now that she had regained
some of her power over me.
“It’s a deal. Thank you, Rosie. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you have
just probably saved my life… and Frank’s, to be honest. Thank you so much and I
promise I won’t be bothering you ever again,” I responded, following her to the
door.
“I know,” she said shortly, leaving my house and strutting down the pathway to
her car in her killer stiletto heels.
I slammed the door behind her and walked over to one of the armchairs, sitting
down heavily and putting my head in my hands. Could I really trust her to keep
this a secret? Would she really be capable of destroying my life like that?
Then it hit me – I was being so selfish. What if Rosie did go to the police?
The story would be in all the local newspapers… Frank’s life would be over too.
The bullying would get worse… the names he would get called would be awful. He
was fragile enough anyway and he didn’t need his life to be made any harder,
especially not by someone he cared for so much. I knew his friends would stand
by him, but of course they would be affected too. My brother, Mikey… he would
have a heartbroken best friend and a brother in prison. Bob and Ray could get
in trouble too if anyone found out that they knew all about it and didn’t
report it. I couldn’t risk Rosie telling anyone about my situation, but that
meant losing my job… the job that I had worked all my life to get. As I had
said to her earlier, it wouldn’t be difficult for me to get an interview at
another school with my academic history, but there would always be the question
of ‘why did you leave your first teaching job after only a few months?’ How
would I ever be able to answer that? Either way, I couldn’t go back to that
school. Panic began to rise inside me. It had been a while since I had had a
panic attack and I didn’t want to start again now. I forcefully pushed the
anxiety down inside me and focussed my brain, doing what I did best – thinking
of logical solutions to difficult problems. My whole life I had been the one
that people had come to when they couldn’t figure something out, but this
situation felt a little different. Ideally, I wanted to find a solution where I
could continue in the teaching profession, didn’t have to lose Frank and would
eventually not have to keep our relationship a secret. I knew that it was a
long shot, but trying to find this ideal couldn’t worsen the situation. It was
Saturday, so I had the whole of Sunday to think of something before I ran the
risk of Rosie opening her mouth and getting me in trouble. I rubbed my face
despairingly, wondering how I was going to fix this mess.
I heard someone padding down the stairs but noticed that they stopped half way
down. I felt Frank’s eyes on me, not even needing to lift my head to know that
it was him stood awkwardly on the stair case, loosely gripping the hand rail.
“Gee?” he said quietly. I could hear the shake in his voice already. “Has she
gone?”
“Yeah, Frankie… she’s gone,” I mumbled into my hands. Frank tentatively came
down the stairs and sloped over to me to sit by my feet, leaning up against my
legs with his head lying lightly on my thigh. I rested my hand gently on his
head and curled my fingers into his hair, stroking it softly and trying to be
reassuring. Mikey came downstairs shortly afterwards and sat awkwardly on the
sofa, looking at the both of us with a very worried expression on his face.
“Do you know what you’re going to do?” he asked, his hand moving to his mouth
to bite his nails.
“Not yet,” I mumbled, still racking my brains for any glimmer of hope that I
could find. I just needed a basic idea – just something that I could grasp onto
and work towards. So far I had thought of nothing, but I was hardly going to
give up on Frank at this stage.
“Are you okay, Frankie?” my brother asked to the small boy who was distractedly
toying with a loose thread on my jeans.
“I guess so,” Frank said, his voice muffled against my knee. “Gerard will
figure something out… he always does. Can I borrow your phone please, Mikey? I
need to call my mom… my phone is out of battery and she’ll be wondering why I’m
not back.” My head jerked up as the basis for an idea sprung into my head.
Frank sat back a little, startled by my sudden movement. Mikey moved his hand
from his mouth and Frank looked up at me curiously, both knowing that something
had clicked in my mind. It would be a risk, but maybe it would be worth it.
***** Chapter 17 *****
“Frank… just how much does your mom know about me?” I asked, sitting up a
little straighter in my chair.
“What do you mean?” he answered, looking up at me with confusion on his face. I
looked down at him impatiently – I loved him to bits, but there just wasn’t
time for questions.
“I mean what have you told her about me? I assume that you haven’t told her
that we are together, but did you mention that I was your teacher?”
“I never talk to her about school,” he mumbled, leaning against my knee again.
“So I guess she doesn’t even know that we got a new teacher for the rest of the
year… why, should I tell her?”
“No,” I said quickly. “No, she needs to stay oblivious to that. If we want this
plan to work then she needs to accept me as a respectable guy who can treat you
right, not a teacher who went after his student… who is gonna have to hide that
for the rest of his life.” I paused before asking my next question. “Does your
mom know you’re gay?” I asked when I had finally unfrozen.
“Yeah… she knows. I had to tell her last year when the bullying started, you
know?” Frank sniffed and got up off the floor, going to sit next to Mikey on
the sofa. “School called her in about it when I got beat up pretty badly… so
obviously I had to tell her.”
“Is she… accepting of it?” I asked tentatively, hoping that the sensitive topic
wouldn’t further upset Frank. He nodded in response and my mind sprang into
action, systematically filing through everything I knew to try and find
something… anything that would help.
My world was crumbling around me and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t
seem to find the right information to stop it – once again, my academic
knowledge was rendered useless. I had one idea, but it only had about a fifty
percent chance of working… and it meant that our fate rested in someone else’s
hands.
“Okay, Frank… I need you to introduce me to your mom. I have a vague outline of
a plan in my head, but I need to make some calls and gather some more
information. If Mikey takes you home now, would you be able to arrange for me
to come over later this afternoon? You’ll need to brief her on the situation,
obviously, but make sure that she is free for at least an hour, as what I will
have to say will take some time. Don’t tell her much though, try and keep the
information to a minimum. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, Gee. Is everything going to be okay?” he asked, walking over to me and
biting his lip a little bit. I stood up and hugged him tight, stroking his hair
softly in an attempt to reassure him.
“I really hope so, Frankie.” I planted a quick kiss on his lips and then
ushered him and Mikey out of the door before racing upstairs to grab a pen, a
pad of paper and my phone.
I worked like crazy for the next few hours, scribbling down page after page of
notes from the internet and making multiple very expensive phone calls.
Eventually, I put my pen down and stared at my hard work, breaking out into a
smile. The plan that I had spent hours agonising over was absolutely fool proof
– I prided myself on my thoroughness and hoped that it would be enough to turn
this situation around. Everything had been accounted for. Every little aspect
of my plan from cost to time frame had been worked out in as much detail as
possible. I felt like a business man, about to make a proposal that could make
me a millionaire – but instead of money, I would get Frank, and he was worth
more to me than any kind of fortune.
I grabbed my phone again to check the time – it was six o’clock in the evening.
How long had I been working? I sent Mikey a quick text message to tell him that
I was on my way before picking up my notebook, putting on my shoes and heading
out to my car, intent on turning this negative situation into a positive.
Despite this positive attitude, thoughts of guilt continued to plague me as I
drove down the grey streets of New Jersey. Even if my plan did work, I would be
removing Frank from everything he was used to… everything he had ever known. I
gripped the steering wheel tighter. Was I ready to bear this kind of
responsibility? I suddenly realised that I was speeding and immediately slowed
down, shocked at myself for the lack of attention I was paying to the road.
Normally I was the most careful driver, but this situation had me distracted.
For the first time in years, everything had been going right for me… and my own
irresponsibility had ruined that for me.
When I arrived at Frank’s home, Mikey and Frank were sat outside on the porch
awaiting my arrival.
“What’s the plan then?” Mikey immediately said, rushing down the path towards
me as I got out of the car. Frank stayed sat on the porch, looking at me
expectantly. “Gerard we’ve been waiting for you for hours, you must have come
up with something.”
“I’m going to explain everything to all of you in a minute. Did you tell your
mom?” I asked, turning my attention to Frank and looking at him with
sympathetic eyes. He nodded.
“She was kind of annoyed that I didn’t tell her about us before, but she didn’t
seem really that bothered about it,” Frank muttered, scuffing his shoes on the
ground.
“What exactly did you tell her?”
“That you two have been in a relationship for a while now, everything is going
well but you’ve kind of hit a bump… we didn’t say anything about you being a
teacher, obviously,” Mikey said, ushering me towards the house. “We said that
you were going to explain details, and luckily she was okay with that.”
“I don’t think she’s going to be okay with everything it after I put my offer
out to her. Do you have any reservations about telling a few white lies to your
mother?” I asked tentatively.
“I guess not,” Frank said. “As long as she’s not going to find out we lied.”
“Oh course no. I’ve been very careful with my planning,” I said before
following Frank and Mikey into the house.
Mikey had barely shut the door behind the three of us when a woman’s face came
peering around the corner by the bottom of the stairs.
“This is Gerard, mom,” Frank gestured from me to the woman who had now walked
towards us. She was younger than my mother, but that was to be expected
considering the age gap between Frank and I. I smiled as she offered out her
hand to shake mine.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs Iero,” I said politely, giving a firm handshake.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Gerard,” Frank’s mom said warmly, smiling at me
before inviting me into the living room. “Please, call me Lina.” She gestured
to the sofa, so I took a seat with Mikey next to me and Frank in an armchair
across the room. He pulled his knees up so that he was sat cross legged, closed
in on himself.
“I’m sorry to barge in on you like this,” I began, preparing myself to explain
my intentions. “But I have some important news that I wanted to share with
Frank and yourself, Linda. If it’s not too much to ask, I’d appreciate it if
you could all hear me out before you make any decisions or pass any judgments.”
The three others nodded. I took a deep breath before continuing.
“After a lot of careful consideration, I have decided that I will be quitting
my job here in New Jersey and moving back to England where I have been offered
a job in teaching that I am really excited to accept. The school where I did my
teacher training has a vacancy that they are keen to have me fill as a full
time English teacher. Unfortunately, the job doesn’t start immediately and I
would have to wait until the next academic year, but in the mean time I have
secured a part time job, three days a week, as a supply teacher at another
school to keep my going while I settle down and get all of my affairs in order.
My friend from university is going to be putting me up until I manage to find a
house of my own – I’ve already been looking at the housing market over there
and there are quite a few properties in the area that I have my eye on. I have
a reasonable amount of money in a savings account, so it shouldn’t take me too
long to get myself set up.” I paused and took a breath, taking in the shock on
Mikey’s face, the heart break on Frank’s and the look of confusion in Linda’s
eyes. “You’re probably wondering why I’m rambling on and telling you all of
this. Well, I would like to make Frank an offer, but you will obviously want to
have a say in it too, Mrs Iero. Once Frank turns eighteen, I would like to
invite him to come and live in England with me.” It was at this point that the
look on all three of the other faces in the room simultaneously turned to one
of shock. “Once I arrive in England, I will start looking for a college or
sixth form for Frank immediately so that he will be able to enrol straight away
when he arrives – as you can probably tell my by career choice, education is
important to me and I wouldn’t want Frank to miss out on completing the final
year of his qualifications. I can promise you that I would care for Frank and
support him through the transition, so all I am looking for is your approval,
Mrs Iero. I understand that this is not a decision that you can make overnight,
but I do hope you consider it. Obviously Frank has just has much of a say in
this decision as everyone else, but I just wanted to let you know personally,
Mrs Iero, so that you could meet me and know that I’m just trying to whisk your
child away – you have my word that I would take very good care of him.”
Everyone sat in an awkward, stunned silence after I finished. I took a few deep
breaths, pushing down the panic that was bubbling inside me. I didn’t know how
any of them were going to react, and if this plan didn’t work then I risked
losing Frank forever. I glanced at Linda who looked as if she was undergoing an
internal, emotional battle with herself. She was looking at me warily, probably
wondering to what extent she could trust me – we were of course still
strangers. I pursed my lips and turned my head slightly to look at Mikey who
looked as if his world had just come crashing down around him. I assumed that
it had only just dawned on him at the end of my speech that he could end up
being thousands of miles away from one of his best friends and his only
sibling. I paused for a second before looking at Frank, expecting that his
reaction would be the most volatile. I had expected a similar reaction from him
as I had received from Mikey, but instead Frank just looked impatient, as if
this whole discussion was a waste of his time. In fact, he had an air of
stubbornness about him. I braced myself for what he was going to say.
“I want to go with him,” Frank said flatly, sitting up a little straighter in
his chair.
“But you can’t go, Gerard,” Mikey mumbled slowly, staring at the floor. “What’s
mom going to say?”
“I’ll tell her I got a better job offer. She’ll be fine with it… you know how
pro-progress she is. Also, I lived in England when I was at university anyway
so she has no reason to worry, really. I’ll visit a lot anyway.”
“Gerard, are you sure that there’s no other way around this?” Linda asked.
“Without going into the issue at hand in too much detail, even if I wanted to
stay here, my job has not become a good environment for me to work in. So
unfortunately, despite what you and Frank decide is best, I will be moving to
England.”
“When are you leaving?” Frank croaked.
“Early Monday morning,” I said quietly, watching him take in a short breath.
“Then any time after your birthday, you can come and move in, if that’s what
you and your mom agree on.”
“Can Gerard stay over tonight please, mom?” Frank asked, turning his attention
to his mother and looking at her hopefully. Mrs Iero looked as if she had been
startled out of a deep thought.
“I guess so,” she said distantly. “I’m out with the girls from night, so I
won’t be back until late. I should probably start getting ready, actually. I’ll
leave you some money to order some pizza or something.”
“No it’s fine, Mrs Iero, I can get that,” I answered, not wanting to be a
burden.
“No, I insist,” she said, smiling at me before leaving the room and heading
upstairs.
“Is she okay?” I asked Frank quietly once his mom was out of earshot.
“She’s probably just a bit shocked,” Frank said quickly, getting up and pulling
his shoes on. “Come on, let’s go. I want to make the most of my time with you
tonight so we need to go pick up your stuff now.” He came across to me and
grabbed my hand, pulling me out of my seat and ushering me towards the door.
Mikey stood up slowly in silence and followed us out the door, drifting behind
us a little.
“What do I need to get,” I asked as we got into the car and buckled up.
“Some clothes, DVDs, toothbrush… I don’t know. We can stop at the store on the
way back and grab some popcorn and some beers, if you want?” I nodded.
The car was silent the whole way back. Frank kept biting his nails anxiously
and Mikey just spent the entire time staring out of the window forlornly.
“We’re back,” I whispered, shattering the silence and shutting off the engine.
Mikey jumped, being startled out of his thoughts.
“I’m going to miss you, Gerard,” Mikey said in a low tone before reaching
across to my seat and hugging me tightly. The gear stick was digging into my
thigh and my back hurt, but I stayed hugging my brother tightly. I felt bad for
upsetting him this way, but I knew that it would work out in the end.
“I’ll miss you too, Mikes. But I’m going to come back as often as I possibly
can… and you can come and visit me in England whenever you want too.”
“I’m going to lose my best friend and my brother. This is fucking awful.” I saw
tears beginning to well up in his eyes, but I didn’t want any crying today.
“Don’t cry, Mikey. I’m really sorry, but there’s nothing I can do about this
situation. You know how much I worked for this job, and I can’t just give up on
my career because of someone who is, quite frankly, a bully.” Mikey nodded as
he got out the car. “I’ll be back in a minute, let me just grab I stuff,” I
said, leaving Frank in the back of my car as Mikey and I walked up to the
house. “Oh, please don’t tell mom, Mikey. I’ll break the news to her tomorrow.”
Mikey nodded again and drifted up to his room in silence, shutting the door
behind him.
The drive back to Frank’s house was just as quiet. Eventually it got to the
point where I couldn’t handle the silence anymore so I put the radio on, not
caring what station it tuned into. At the supermarket we picked up a few cans
of beer, popcorn and come candy to keep us going through the night. Even though
we had all the components for an amazing night, the depressing call of Monday
morning hung over the both of us.
I had barely even set foot into Frank’s house before he was hugging me tightly,
his head pressed against my chest and his fists balled up in my t-shirt.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” I asked, stroking his hair softly with one hand.
“It’s my fault.”
“I’ve told you so many times that it’s not your fault, Frank! It was my mistake
and my irresponsibility that caused this.” Frank wrapped his arms around my
neck, clasping his hands behind my head, leaning back a little so that he could
look me in the eyes.
“I’m going to miss you, Gee.” I placed my hands on his hips, pulling him
slightly closer to me.
“It’s only for a couple of months, Frankie. It’s not going to be that bad.”
“Trust me… it will be.”
“I’ll call you every single day,” I promised, leaning down and letting my
forehead rest against his. “And before you know it you’ll be living with me,
and we can be together every single day.”
Frank reached up and pecked my lips softly, kissing me tenderly. I responded to
it by dipping my head down and kissing him back hard, almost desperately. We
stood for a while, kissing slowly and savouring every second of it… how close
our bodies were.
“This will be our last night together,” Frank mumbled against my jaw, breaking
our kiss but keeping his lips on my body constantly.
“Let’s not think of it like that,” I said, placing my finger under his chin and
tilting his head up to look into his eyes. “Let’s think about it as our best
night together.”
***** Chapter 18 *****
We stumbled through the hall way and headed for Frank’s room upstairs, always
keeping some form of contact. It was a hasty and clumsy but we didn’t care… our
only intention was to make this night as memorable as possible. The stairs
themselves were difficult to navigate as an interlinked pair and Frank fell on
top of me more than a couple of times, but the way he giggled was worth the
bumps and bruises. Through force of habit, Frank closed the door behind us when
we burst into his bedroom and I took this as an opportunity to throw him up
against it, pressing my body into his.
“I love you, Gee,” Frank whispered in my ear as I kissed over his cheek bones
and down his neck. I wanted to respond immediately, but I wasn’t capable of
speech at that moment in time – my senses were completely overwhelmed. We
crashed down onto his bed, Frank lying on top of me.
“I love you too, Frank and I always will,” I finally croaked out. Frank sat
back on his heels and grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. I
marvelled at his flat stomach and traced the line of soft, light hair that
trailed down to his belt buckle. After tossing the shirt to the floor, Frank
leaned back down and kissed me softly, the passion so evident that it almost
brought me to tears. I ran my hands down his torso, ghosting my fingers over
his nipples – he liked that a lot. His hand flew down to in between us and he
pressed down a little on my crotch, causing me to buck my hips up against him.
A small whimper escaped from my mouth and I felt Frank grin against my lips. I
could tell from Frank’s body language and how he was touching to me how much he
wanted this and how sad and desperate he was at the same time.
“Can I…” Frank began, gesturing to my shirt. I nodded, staring straight into
his warm, hazel eyes. Frank pulled my t-shirt over my head and laughed as he
threw it into the same corner as his own.
“What?” I asked, furrowing my brow and suddenly feeling a little self-
conscious.
“Your hair’s funny,” Frank giggled, ruffling my hair up with both his hands and
making it stick up even more; his laugh made my heart swell.
“Not as funny as it will look when we’re done.” Frank smirked at me before
popping the button of my jeans open in one deft movement.
I shimmied delicately out of the tight material as suavely as I could manage,
considering that Frank refused to get off me or stop touching me for a few
seconds… not that I particularly minded. Frank took his jeans off, but whilst
trying to kick them to the floor he lost his balance and fell forward on to my
chest. Frank flushed excruciatingly red as he looked up at me through his
eyelashes and I just smiled at him and pushed his hair back off his face. It
was at that moment that I let my imagination go wild – freeing every fantasy I
had ever had about this boy. The way his eyelashes fluttered as he looked up at
me made me want to stand up, push him to his knees and have him suck me off. I
paused a second, shocked at this new dominant trait coming out in me, but I
didn’t mind… and I knew that Frank would give anything for me to dominate him.
We were both now in just our boxers and I could feel myself becoming hard with
anticipation, knowing what was going to happen. I had tried to keep myself
under control as much as possible, wanting this to last as long as we could
both make it last, but the way that Frank kept rolling his hips slightly was
irresistible. Frankie looked up at me through his eyelashes again and grinned
as if he knew what I was thinking, before pressing a few kisses to my bare
chest. One of his hands was on my face and one was on my inner thigh, rubbing
small circles that were making me go crazy. He moved his hand higher so that it
was just entering my boxers, and simultaneously he moved his lips back up to
mine to kiss me some more. I hummed a little with pleasure and just pure
happiness –I was so grateful for this time with Frank.
The next step was to remove our boxers, and this proved far easier than taking
of our tight jeans. Within a matter of seconds we were completely naked and we
were both painfully hard, pressed up against each other. Frank sat back again
and placed his hands on my hips to steady himself, thumbs in the dimples on my
hip bones… taking in every inch of my body. I couldn’t take the tension any
longer so I shifted my hips a little, making Franks crotch move on top of mine.
“Fuck,” we both groaned in unison.
“You’re so beautiful,” I thought aloud, running my hands down his chest again.
Frank just shrugged, and before I could argue my point his hand was on my dick
and he was stroking it gently whilst kissing the tender skin in the crook of my
neck.
“Oh god,” I exclaimed, the volume of my own voice startling me. My hands were
balled up in the bed sheets already and my hips were bucking erratically of
their own accord. “I’m sorry… I’ll try and keep it down,” I said, embarrassed.
“My mom’s out and our neighbours can complain all they like – I won’t be living
here much longer anyway. Besides… I want to hear you scream.”
With that, he deftly ducked down and began to kiss around the base of my cock.
I couldn’t stop the whimpers and half-moans that were spilling from my lips…
and part of me didn’t want to stop them. If Frank wanted me to be loud, I would
happily oblige. Once again, he looked up at me wryly before lowering his mouth
onto the head of my cock. As his mouth slid down on my shaft, I couldn’t stop
swearing under my breath. The pleasure was too much. The way his lips stretched
to accommodate my length made my eyes almost flutter closed, but I didn’t want
to miss a second of watching his beautiful face bobbing up and down. I let me
head fall back onto Frank’s pillow for a second and instead of gripping the
sheets, my hands flew to Frank’s hair, taking him by surprise a little as I
pulled him down sharply onto my cock. He gagged a little and I let go
immediately, worrying that I was being too forceful, but Frank recovered
immediately and took me in even deeper. My lungs were burning with the speed
and shallowness of my breaths, but it all just added to the pleasure of the
situation.
Reluctantly, I pulled Frank’s mouth off my dick, immediately missing the warmth
of it. Frank looked up at me slightly confused.
“If you carry on like that, I will cum in a few seconds,” I admitted, a little
embarrassed. Frank smiled to himself, obviously impressed with his ability. I
took this opportunity to flip us over so that I was leaning over Frank, looking
down into his big, hazel eyes. “Also I’m not going to let you do all the work,”
I drawled smoothly, allowing one corner of my mouth to curl up into a smirk
that I hoped was even a little seductive. “I just hope this is okay.” I kissed
down his neck, pausing to suck at the pale white skin for a minute and leaving
a mark. I broke away, satisfied with the deep red patch of skin. I kissed down
his chest, delaying a little as my heart began to pound. I had never done
anything like this… and I had no idea what I was doing. Eventually my face was
down at his crotch and all I knew was that I wanted his cock in my mouth more
than anything else in the world. I looked up at him, searching for approval. No
matter how much we had already done that night, I still felt like I needed
permission to go further. The look on Frank’s face was one of pure ecstasy,
which I took as permission enough. I didn’t mess around teasing him as I could
see that he was already painfully hard – pre-cum was already leaking from his
slit. I took him in my mouth and smiled as he moaned almost as loud as I had. I
moved up and down, running my tongue over the underside of his dick, all the
way up to the slit. Frank’s hands found their way to my hair, tugging a little
and obviously trying to restrain himself from thrusting up into my throat – he
had more control than I did.
Suddenly, Frank pulled me off his dick, stopping the contact just like I had
earlier. He tugged me up so my face was right up close to his. I could feel his
breath on my lips.
“I want you to fuck me,” he half asked, half commanded in a breathy, gravelly
voice.
“Are you sure, Frankie?” There was nothing I wanted more than to be as close to
him as possible, but this was a serious step.
“That’s a stupid question, Gee.”
“Frank it means we’ll be breaking the law… again,” I pointed out, not quite
saying no but not wanting to agree so easily.
“Do you think it matters anymore? No one’s going to find out… Rosie isn’t just
gonna storm into my bedroom and it’s not like my neighbours know who I’ve got
in here. I just want to feel you inside me, Gee. I want it so bad,” Frank
whined, looking straight into my eyes. I paused, trying to remain responsible
in this situation, but it was far too hard to resist Frank when he gave me that
look.
“Do you have any… erm, lube and condoms?” I asked awkwardly, becoming nervous
again. Frank flashed me the biggest smile I had ever seen him wear before
searching frantically through the draw next to his bed and retrieving a bottle
of lube and a pack of condoms.
I sat in between Frank’s legs, getting ready to prep him. I had never done
anything like this before… not even to myself, let alone anyone else. Luckily
enough, I had been reading up about such practices just in case.
“Ready?” I asked, lathering my fingers with a generous amount of lube.
“Ready,” Frank responded, putting a pillow over his face.
“What are you doing?” I asked, putting my finger gently against his entrance.
“It’s been a while,” Frank mumbled into his pillow. Even without seeing his
face, I knew he was blushing. “It’s probably gonna hurt a little and I know
you’ll stop if you think you’re hurting me.” I smiled a little, knowing that it
was true.
“You have to let me know if it’s too much, okay… promise me or I’m not gonna do
anything.”
“I promise, okay?! Just prep me. I need to feel you in me.”
I took a breath and pressed my first finger into him, holding it still while
Frank shifted around a little, adjusting to something being inside him.
“Is that okay?”
“So far so good,” he said, voice muffled by the pillow. I moved my finger
around a little before removing it and spreading a bit more lube onto my
fingers. I pressed two fingers in and Frank flinched, pressing the pillow into
his face a little more.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I said sympathetically. I moved my fingers in a bit deeper
and Frank yelped, muscles contracting around my fingers. I froze, eyes widening
as I was worried I had hurt him.
“Fucking hell, don’t stop, Gee! Fuck that was good… do that again.” I took the
opportunity to scissor my fingers while he was still riding out a wave of
pleasure; Frank squirmed underneath my touch.
“Okay… last one, sweetheart. This is going to hurt, but I promise it will be
worth it. Just tell me if it gets too much.” I forcibly pushed my three fingers
in and winced as Frank whimpered. “I know, baby… I know.” I stoked his thighs
gently, trying to distract him from the pain he was experiencing. I stretched
him and flexed my fingers, giving him another wave of pleasure which lessened
the pain for him.
“I think we’re ready,” I said, taking my fingers out of Frank. He winced again
as I pulled out, half from the residual pain and half from the loss of contact.
“I’ve been ready since the day I met you.” I smiled at Franks and pressed a
kiss to his nose. “Let’s do this.” I rolled on the condom and coated it with
copious amounts of lube, wanting to make the process as easy for Frank as I
could.
“You’ve done this before, right?” I asked, wanting to double check what Mikey
had told me. Frank nodded.
“Yeah, a couple of times… but I haven’t for a while now. Have you done
anything?” he answered. My face flushed red and I lowered my gaze a little.
“It’s okay!” Frank said, putting his hand under my chin and forcing me to look
up again. “At least I’ll be able to say I’m the best you’ve ever had.”
I positioned myself at Frank’s entrance before slowly pushing in. Frank hissed.
I could see his eyes watering with the pain and it distressed me somewhat. Once
I had pushed the whole way in I stayed still, waiting for Frank to give me the
all clear.
“Okay... okay you can move.” I pulled out a little, slowly and gently, before
pressing back in with a reasonable about of force. Frank’s neck relaxed, his
head flopping back on the pillow that he had returned to behind his head. His
mouth formed a perfect o-shape and a strangled moan came from his throat. I
moved at an excruciatingly slow pace, just wanting to delve deep into Frank but
knowing that it would hurt him so much. Frank’s face was beginning to relax and
I could see the initial pain subsiding. He was so tight… so fucking tight… I
didn’t think I would last very long, but I wanted to do this for Frank. I
wanted to make him feel good. I quickened my movements, angling myself
differently at every thrust and trying to find Frank’s spot.
“Oh fucking hell, Gee!” he gasped, sucking so much air into his lungs that I
thought his chest might explode. His hands flew up from the bed sheets and
landed on my back, his nails digging in hard. “Right th-there… right fucking
there.”
I smiled and continued fucking him, hitting his spot with almost every thrust.
The way his eye lids fluttered open and closed and the way he bit his lip after
every moan would have been enough to send me over the edge alone, but I had to
hold it in until Frank came. I let my head droop to Frank’s neck, kissing it
hard and savouring the taste. We were both being so loud, but Frank was much
louder – with every thrust he moaned or screamed my name. I was so close but I
wanted us to cum together, so I began pumping his dick erratically, trying to
speed up the process. Frank’s hand flew up to my face, pushing back my hair
which was damp with sweat.
“I’m close, Gee,” Frank croaked out, entangling his hand in my hair and pulling
a little.
“So am I,” I replied, groaning a little. “I want to see your face when you cum.
I want to feel you cum… I want to feel your muscles clamp around me. You’re so
hot, Frank. Ugh…” I stopped for a breath, not quite able to see straight.
Frank’s moans became higher pitched, louder and longer until he screamed out my
name and came all over our stomachs, the feel of his muscles contracting around
me sent me over the edge too. I saw Frank’s face, his eyes screwed up and his
mouth wide open before I dropped my head to his chest, unable to hold it up as
I rode out my orgasm. I pulled out gently and threw the used condom into the
bin before collapsing on the bed next to Frank and kissing him softly.
“Was that okay?” I asked, self-conscious of how the whole ordeal had been for
Frank.
“It was fucking amazing, Gee. Thank you,” he breathed, kissing the end of my
nose; I giggled.
“Good. I’m not really experienced in this field so I was hoping I was doing it
right. I’ve read a lot of--”
“Books,” Frank said, finishing my sentence for me. He giggled. “Who reads books
on sex?!”
“Someone who might have needed it in the future… and I was right. When’s your
mom going to be back?”
“Around eleven, I think… maybe twelve. But we should probably put our clothes
on just in case she comes back early. She probably wouldn’t let me go to
England if she thought I was gonna be getting fucked every night.”
“Who says you won’t be?” I smirked.
We got up off the bed, retrieved our respective clothing and got dressed before
turning and looking at the mess of dirty bed sheets on the bed.
“I should probably change those sheets…” Frank thought aloud. I nodded and
walked out into the hallway and to the bathroom, shirt in hand, to wash down my
stomach. I felt invincible… like I could do anything I wanted. I felt as if I
was floating as I walked into the bathroom. I never knew what something like
that could feel like… and now that I had experienced it, it just broke my heart
even more that I would have to leave Frank for a while. As I sponged down my
stomach I began to think about how wonderful life was going to be in England…
we would be together and there would be no rules or limitations. We wouldn’t
have to be so secretive and it just seemed like such a good idea… even though
it had its negative aspects. My mom would be heartbroken to find out I was
leaving. I would have to explain tomorrow and bear all of the tears and
questions with a brave face. Either way, there was no going back
“What film do you wanna watch?” Frank asked when I re-entered his bedroom. He
was dressed only in his boxers and one of my t-shirts, which was way too long
for him. He looked at me expectantly before looking back up at his DVD shelf. I
slipped behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, kissing his neck
affectionately.
“You choose,” I mumbled, nipping a little at the red mark that was still there
from earlier. “I’ll go and order some pizza while you set it up.”
“Good, because you’re turning me on way too much kissing my like that.” I
smirked against his skin before tearing myself away from his body and heading
downstairs to get the menu.
Once the pizza arrive we got into bed together to watch whatever sci-fi film
Frank had chosen for up. I lay back with Frank in my arms, using one hand to
stroke his hair and the other to eat my pizza. He was like a hot water bottle,
still radiating the heat that he had built up during the sex. I looked down and
saw that he was smiling absentmindedly to himself, still glowing with
happiness.
“I can’t wait for us to go to England,” Frank mumbled. I rested my chin on the
top of his head before squeezing him tightly.
“Me neither, Frank. It’s going to be amazing.”
***** Chapter 19 *****
The next morning, I awoke over an hour before Frank again. I rolled over and
just lay there for a while, staring at him… observing every little detail of
his face. No matter how many times or for how long I stared at him, I always
saw something new. The way the sharpness of his jaw line contrasted with his
soft cheeks, or the lighter sections of hair at the roots where the black dye
had grown out. There was always something new… something endearing that I
discovered every time I looked at him. I was so lucky to be able to call him my
own. He was lying on his side next to me, one arm under the pillow, supporting
his head, and the other curled up against his chest. Some of his fringe had
flopped onto his face while he was sleeping, and the soft breaths coming from
his slightly open lips were shifting the hairs to and fro. His lips were a
little dry. I just wanted to lean across and kiss him softly, but at the same
time I didn’t want to wake him and disturb the pretty picture in front of me. I
half wished for him to wake up, just so that I could see the swirls of gold and
emerald that danced in his eyes… but instead I just watched as his eyes
twitched while he slept, shielded by his eyelids.
Reluctantly, I drew myself away from my sleeping angel and sat up as slowly and
as carefully as possible, not wanting to move the bed even a little for fear of
Frank waking up. We had accidently left the window open all night and Frank’s
room was cold, so I gently pulled the duvet up around him to keep the cold air
off his bare torso. I looked down again and smiled, half in awe and half sad,
knowing that the next morning I would be not only leaving Frank for a while,
but also leaving the country. I wanted everything to be like this forever –
waking up next to the person I loved every morning and being able to tell him
that I loved him. I knew that it was soon to become a reality, but I also knew
that the months of waiting would feel like years. Would Frank even still love
me after all that time? A lot could change in the space of a few months. I
shook my head, dispelling the negative thoughts. Of course Frank would still
love me, just as much as I loved him. I could tell that he didn’t want me to
leave at all. The way he clung to me all night, kissing me at every opportunity
did little to hide the pain he was obviously feeling.
I retrieved my clothes from the floor before getting dressed and heading to the
bathroom to brush my teeth. I could hear Frank’s mom moving around downstairs,
but I didn’t particularly feel like going and making awkward conversation with
her, considering that she probably had her suspicions as to what went on last
night. So instead I padded back to Frank’s bedroom to see Frank sat on the bed,
rubbing his eyes sleepily.
“Good morning, sunshine,” I said sarcastically, walking across and getting back
under the duvet with him, lying on my back. Frank grumbled something inaudible
before he shifted so that his head was lying on my chest and I could stroke his
hair – he was never very communicative in the mornings. He started to trace
small circles on my lower stomach, edging closer and closer to the waistband of
my underwear. “Frank stop!” I said, giggling a little and putting my hand over
his. “I don’t have time for you to get me all worked up. I have so much to do
today, so I have to go soon.” Frank sighed and rolled onto his back so he was
looking up at me.
“When are you leaving?” I glanced at my watch as if I didn’t already know the
time.
“In about five minutes,” I said reluctantly. Frank’s eyes widened momentarily
before he forced a smile, once again trying to hide how upset he was.
“You’re just going to sleep with me and leave me in the morning? I thought you
were a gentleman,” he joked, a wicked smile dancing across his lips. I smirked
back at him.
“You know I would stay if I could.” His smile fell a little. I hugged him a
little tighter. Frank gave me one last squeeze before standing up and
stretching. I watched his torso stretch out in front of me, and I wished I
could stay there for eternity.
“I know… Let me just pull on a top and I’ll show you out.”
Once I got home, the rest of my day was filled with more phone calls, more
planning and of course a lot more packing. I had to pack the items I wanted to
take over with me immediately and box up the rest to be shipped over at a later
date. I was more grateful than ever for the organisation of my room, as knowing
where everything was placed made packing so much easier. Within a few hours, my
bedroom was disassembled and my floor was just full of boxes with large labels
stuck to the top. The only difficult decision I had to make was which of my
hundreds of books I wanted to take with me, and which ones I had to leave
behind until a later date.
I was just taping the last box shut when I heard the front door close softly,
signalling that my mother had returned home from her lunch date with some
colleagues. I took a deep breath and headed downstairs to face her and break
the news to her. I sat her down on the sofa and told her to listen to
everything I had to say before she reacted, then explained the situation to her
– obviously omitting the details about how Frank was involved and spinning the
same lie that a better job had come up for me over there.
“When are you leaving?” was the first thing she said after an awkward ten
second pause.
“My plane leaves tomorrow at midday…” I added, causing her eyes to widen a
little.
“That soon?” she asked, clasping her hands together anxiously. There was
another pause after I nodded. “Well I suppose it’s not up to me to hold you
back from improving… and it sure does sound like a step in the right direction
for your career.”
“Exactly, mom,” I said, with a huge smile on my face. “I’m very excited about
this opportunity. It’s one of the best schools in the London area, so I think
it would really benefit me to work with teachers of that calibre. Also, I
obviously have contacts over there and I know the city reasonably well, so try
not to worry too much, please!”
“Well if you’re happy, then I’m happy. Have you got much left to pack? I’ll go
and get some boxes to put your things in…”
“Mom, calm down!” I said, smiling a little as she jumped up to start rushing
around. “Everything is packed and organised… I just want to have a nice family
dinner tonight, because you know how much I will miss your cooking when I’m in
England. Then we can watch a film in the evening? I’ve even made sure that
Mikey will be in to spend some time together before I go.” She smiled back at
me and squeezed my hand gently before getting up and heading to the kitchen to
start preparing our dinner.
The next morning, I awoke bright an early as normal. For a few seconds, it felt
like just another day – get up, get dressed, go to work, see Frank. But this
was not a normal day. This was nothing remotely like a normal day. This was a
day of changed… a day of new beginnings… a day of heart break. None of these
things came easily to me. Instead of getting up immediately as I would normally
do, I just lay in bed. I thought of how in a matter of hours, I would be on a
plane to England, flying far away from my mom, my brother and my boyfriend. But
first, I had to do something much scarier than that. First, I had to go to the
school and retrieve all of m belongings.
I stepped out of the car and took a deep breath before walking up to the glass
doors that stood between me and my problem. There was no way that I could get
to my classroom without passing through the reception, and there was no way
that Rosie was going to allow me to do that without kicking up a fuss. I took a
deep breath and thrust my hands deep into my blazer pockets before heading up
to the cold, grey exterior of the building in which I thought I was going to
build my career.
“Gerard,” Rosie said venomously, flashing a cold smile in my direction. “I
could have sworn I told you not to bother coming to work today. I guess I’m
going to have to go and speak to the principal.”
“I’m not coming to work – I’m came to say goodbye to some of my colleagues and
collect my belongings. I’ve already tendered my resignation,” I said coldly. “I
assume you haven’t told anyone about the situation yet,” My voice drained of
emotion. There was no point in even wasting anger on Rosie… I felt nothing
towards her.
“Not yet. I did say I’d only tell if you showed up, and a promise is a promise…
no matter how disgusting your little secret is. I suppose I will be able to
keep my mouth shut this time, if you’re really leaving.” The vicious smile
dropped from her face. “Where are you going?”
“England. My flight leaves in two hours so I don’t have time to waste. I don’t
really have much to say to you, Rosie, except that you haven’t won. You may
have succeeded in driving me out of my home town, but you have not broken me.
In fact, you’ve made everything so much better. I should give you my thanks,
but you don’t deserve it.”
“And what about Frank?” she whispered, throwing a glance over her shoulder.
“What about that poor kid whose morals you’ve destroyed, who you’ve dragged
into your lies and who you’re now just going to leave on his own to pick up the
pieces of his life?” I bit my lip to stop myself smiling. I longed to tell her
how Frank would, in fact, be moving in with me in a matter of months, but I
knew it would be unwise to trust her with that information.
“He’ll deal with it,” I said shortly. “I just have to collect my things from my
classrooms now, so I’ll be out of your hair. Goodbye, Rosie. Have a nice day.”
With that I walked out of the reception leaving Rosie staring after me, mouth
open in amazement. I felt empowered… as if I had just stood up to some kind of
bully.
I hurried to 07 first and began collecting my piles of paper up, not wanting to
leave the desks cluttered with my work for other teachers. I had stacks of
lesson plans, hand-outs and worked sheets that regrettably would never be used
again, as the syllabus in England is so different. I sorted the sheets into
three piles – things to take with me to England, things to be given to the head
of the English department to give back to the students and things that could be
thrown away. After I had finished in that classroom and placed all of the
sheets that I wanted to keep neatly in a box, I headed to room 13 to perform
the same task. It was boring, but at least it took my mind off how nervous I
was about my flight.
As I was leaving room 13 with a pile of books in my hand to place in the
English office, Frank appeared in the doorway, flanked by Ray, Bob and Mikey.
“We’ll wait out here for a minute, Frank,” Bob said, pushing Frank into the
room and shutting the door on us.
“Hey, Frankie…” I said quietly, placing the books on the nearest desk to me.
Frank didn’t even reply; he took my face in his hands and kissed me
passionately. I could feel the tears trailing down his cheeks and streaking
onto my own face, making me tear up a little myself… but I couldn’t cry. I had
promised myself I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t going to see Frank for a little
while, so I needed him to think of me as strong until we were reunited.
“No tears,” I mumbled when he broke away, resting his forehead against mine. I
pulled back a little and put my thumb under his chin, lifting his head a little
to look deep into his shining eyes. I smiled weakly. “You’ll make me start
crying.”
“I’m gonna miss you, Gee,” Frank squeaked wrapping his arms around me and
pressing his face against my chest. I stroked his back comfortingly.
“It’s not going to be long, Frankie. And your mom said yes to England, so I’ll
definitely be seeing you soon.”
“Yeah, but she told me I can’t come until after Christmas… that’s a few months
away!” he whined, his lip beginning to quiver.
“I know… I know…,” I said soothingly. “I understand that it’s hard for you,
Frankie. It’s hard for me too. But your mom can hardly send you out to Europe
if I don’t have the means to provide for you. I need to find a house of our own
and settle myself before I can even consider bringing you over. Besides, I’m
going to be back over here between Christmas and New Year and then if all goes
to plan, I’ll be taking you back to England with me. Spend your time here with
your family and friends… because you’re going to miss them when you leave.”
“Okay… I’ll try.” Frank smiled at me and I smiled back, trying to ignore how
much my heart was breaking.
“I got you a present,” I mumbled shyly, putting my hand in my blazer pocket and
retrieving a black case. “Sometime to keep with you all the time while I’m
away.” I handed it to Frank who looked at me lovingly before prising the box
open. Inside was a black, leather watch that I had bought for him. He let out a
small breath.
“It’s beautiful, Gee,” he whispered, taking it out of the satin lining.
“Turn it over,” I encouraged. He looked up at me again before turning the watch
over and looking at the back, where I had had the words ‘our time is now’
engraved on the back.
“I love you,” he said breathlessly.
“I love you too.” He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me in for a final
kiss.
We opened the classroom door and stepped out. Mikey didn’t even give me chance
to speak before crashing into me and squeezing me tight, almost knocking me
over.
“I’m going to be back just after Christmas, Mikey! Everyone needs to stop
acting like I’m going to be gone forever.”
“I know… but I’m going to miss you. Who’s going to help me with my homework and
nag me to clean my room?” I smiled. “Promise you’ll let me come stay with you
in the summer?” He asked. “I’d love to visit England.”
“Of course, Mikey! I promise. Maybe all of you guys could come over for your
first holiday away from home,” I said, glancing at the group.
“We’ll miss you too Sir… I mean, Gerard,” Ray added, smiling widely and holding
out his hand for me to shake – I ignored it and embraced him in a three-way hug
with Bob.
“You guys were the best students ever!” I exclaimed, stepping back. “And I’ll
see you all soon, but I’m afraid if I don’t leave now, I’ll miss my flight.
Ray, you’ll look after Mikey, right?”
“Of course I will!” he beamed, reaching for Mikey’s hand.
“And Mikey… Look after Frankie for me.” Mikey put an arm around his best friend
and nodded reassuringly. “And remind mum to come pick up my car from the
airport when she’s home from work. I’ll see you guys soon,” I repeated before
hugging Frank once more, picking up my books and heading towards the English
office as my final port of call.
I walked out to my car and put my box of papers on the passenger side seat,
noticing the folded piece of paper on top of the pile. I picked it up and
unfolded it, guessing already who the note would be from. The paper had
detailed sketches of all of the London landmarks – the Bridge, the London Eye,
the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace and various other famous places. I
studied them all carefully, marvelling at the amount of detail in each
individual structure. At the bottom of the page, there was a note scrawled in
black biro.
“To our future. All my love, Frank xoxo”
I held the paper close to my chest, allowing a few tears to fall down my cheeks
now that no one was here to see me cry. It broke my heart to leave him behind,
knowing that he would be hurting and I wouldn’t be there to comfort him. But I
had to stop thinking about that. I had to stop thinking of the pain and
concentrate on the positives. I smiled to myself as I pulled out of the parking
lot and headed for the motor way. I was on my way to the airport to start a new
life. A life that later I would be able to spend with someone that I truly
loved. This was our future, and I couldn’t have been more excited. Everything
was good again.
***** Chapter 20 *****
The plane ride back to England was agonisingly long and my knees ached so badly
by the end of the flight, but the thought of seeing Frank again kept my smiling
through the discomfort. I tried everything to pass the time on the train –
reading, writing, listening to music… nothing worked. I even tried to take a
nap, but my levels of excited meant that sleep eluded me. This excitement also
made me restless. I could barely keep still, shifting around awkwardly in my
seat every five minutes, jiggling my leg up and down and looking at my watch
constantly. I probably annoyed most of the people around me, but I didn’t care.
All I cared about was Frank and how much I wanted to kiss him again. I repeated
checked my hand luggage, making sure that I had bought all of Frank’s Christmas
presents with me. The presents for my family were in my suitcase, but I needed
Frank’s with me so I didn’t have to dig through my luggage for them later.
I couldn’t wait to tell Frank all about the house I had managed to rent. It was
small, but homely – only one bedroom, but that’s all we would need anyway.
Another huge bonus was that the rent was dirt cheap. It was on the outskirts of
London and because of its size, no one had been particularly interested in
renting it. I was in the right place at the right time and managed to snap up
the deal. It needed a lot of work when I first arrived, but some new curtains,
new furniture and a couple of rugs definitely made the house feel a little more
like a home… but I knew it would never really be my home until Frank was there
with me. Everything that I did made me think of him. Every pay cheque I
received was another pay cheque I could use to support Frank when he moved
over. Every time I got dressed in the morning, I saw the space in the wardrobe
and my draws that I had left empty, ready for Frank’s stuff. Every time I went
into London, I imagined how amazing it was going to be to walk hand in hand
down the street with the love of my life. I was waiting for Frank… waiting to
be truly happy again.
I waited impatiently at the airport for my baggage to arrive, alternating
between tapping my foot and pacing around the room. Eventually, my luggage came
through and I raced outside to the parking lot to try and find my car. The car
park was almost empty, due to how late it was and how expensive flights were on
Christmas eve, so it wasn’t hard to spot my little car with my brother learning
against it. He was wrapped up in a huge jumper, squinting at his phone. I
practically ran up to him, dropping my suitcase in the snow and hugging him
tight before he even looked up from his phone.
“Gee, you made me jump!” Mikey exclaimed into my hood, wrapping his arms around
me. It was dark outside and the night was cold, so I pulled my gloves and hat
out of my jacket pocket and put them on quickly.
“Did you miss me?” I asked, smirking whilst rubbing my hands together to
generate heat.
“I thought they were going to cancel your flight because of the snow… I was
scared you were going to miss Christmas!”
“I wouldn’t miss our family Christmas for anything! I didn’t even want to miss
Christmas eve and that’s why I’m here… granted, it is 10 o’clock in the
evening, but at least I haven’t missed it completely,” I got into the car and
Mikey slid into the passenger seat, handing me the keys to start the engine.
“We didn’t light the candles or anything yet,” Mikey said. “Mom said we should
save it for when you get here.” I smiled, grateful that I would get to see my
mother soon. “Are you going to see Frank now?” Mikey asked.
“Yeah… I’m going round there quickly before we go home. You didn’t tell him I
was coming home this evening, right?” Mikey shook his head quickly. “Good. He
still thinks I’m not coming over until boxing day.”
“You’re going to surprise him?” I nodded. “That’s really cute.” I blushed a
little, pulling out of the parking lot and heading to Frank’s.
“How’s everything going with Ray anyway?” I asked. Now it was Mikey’s turn to
blush.
“It’s going well… we’re still going very strong.”
“Have you… you know….?” I said, smirking a little and staring straight ahead at
the road. Mikey made a kind of whining noise and shifted uncomfortably in his
seat.
“Gerard!” he finally squeaked out. “You can’t ask that! I mean… you just can’t
ask me that!”
“I’ll take that as a yes then,” I said, smiling to myself. Mikey made a noise
as if he was going to protest but then he decided against it. I laughed. “I’ve
missed you, Mikes.” I took one hand off the steering wheel to ruffle his hair,
which made him grumble and slap my hand away.
“Did you do it before you went away?” Mikey asked, trying to sound casual. He
was looking into the wing mirror of the car, trying to flatten his hair again.
“Did Frank not tell you?” Mikey shook his head. “Yeah, we did.”
“Ugh, that’s so weird,” Mikey said grimacing . I laughed at him and continued
to drive, eventually pulling up outside Frank’s house.
I walked up to the doorway, the fresh, crisp snow crunching underneath my
boots. It was still snowing a little and judging by the perfect sheet of white
that covered the pathway up to the door, no one had been outside since it
started. I paused and took a deep breath before lifting my hand to knock on the
red door. The sound resonated through me as I knocked three times. From inside,
I heard the sound of someone running down the stairs and a voice moving closer
to the door.
“I’ll get it!” I heard Frank shout from inside. My heart leapt in my chest and
I swayed a bit on my feet, suddenly so nervous that I couldn’t breathe. “It’s
probably more carollers, mom, don’t bother getting up.” I clasped my hands
tightly as I heard Frank fumbling around for his key and eventually putting it
in the door. Suddenly the door opened and I was met by a whoosh of warm air and
the hazel eyes that I had been dreaming about for so long. There was silence
for what felt like an eternity as we both just stared at each other. I could
feel my eyes welling up with tears as Frank’s expression remained shocked. His
hand was still on the door as he just kept staring at me.
“Who is it?” I heard his mom call from inside. “Hurry up and shut the door,
Frank, it’s getting cold in here!”
“It’s Gerard…” Frank whispered, still refusing to take his eyes off me.
“Gerard’s back!” It was then that Frank leapt out of the doorway into the snow
without any shoes or socks on, crashing into me, wrapping his legs around my
waist and crying into my shoulder. “I missed you so much,” he sobbed, his voice
cracking. I placed him back down on the door step and waited for him to tug on
some boots before stepping back out into the snow.
“Why are you back home so early?” We walked to his garden wall and brushed the
snow off it before sitting down. It was still cold, but we wanted to be alone,
away from the curious gaze of Frank’s mother who was still probably watching
from the window. I put my arm around his shoulder and let him cuddle into my
side. He slid his hand up under my shirt, fingers tracing circles on my stomach
and my back. His fingers were a little cold, but I didn’t mind. “You’re not
supposed to be here for another two days.”
“I was always coming back today… I just wanted to surprise you.” I stroked
Frank’s hair and he melted into my side even more. “I couldn’t stand the idea
of being in London all alone over Christmas. I wanted to be here with my
family… with Mikey, my mom and especially you. I just didn’t want to spend the
most wonderful time of the year away from the person who means the most to me.”
Frank took one hand out from under my shirt and moved it up to my face, pulling
me in for a soft, short kiss. “Oh, and I want to give you your presents now
because I just can’t wait.”
“But it’s not Christmas yet, Gee!” Frank exclaimed. “You can’t open presents
when it’s not Christmas day!”
“Well I’ve changed the rules for you and now you can.” Frank sat up a little
and grinned at me eagerly, showing all his pearly white teeth. “Also it’s going
to be Christmas in about an hour anyway so what’s the difference.”
I grabbed my bag that I had placed at my feet and pulled out four presents
wrapped in bright red, London-themed wrapping paper.
“That paper is so tacky,” Frank said, smirking. I grinned.
“Do you want these presents or what?” I teased, shoving Frank a little. “You
have to open this one first,” I said, handing over a small, kind of circular
present. “I picked this up for you ages ago, but I forgot to send it with your
birthday presents, so I thought I could just give it to you now. It was the
last one in the shop and when I saw it, I just knew I had to buy it for you!”
Frank opened the present slowly. Inside was a pumpkin-shaped tea light holder
with the union jack painted on it. “I thought it would be perfect for you.”
“Thank you, Gee!” Frank said, putting the pumpkin to one side and kissing me on
the cheek. “It is perfect.” He kissed me again.
“If you keep kissing me in between each gift then this is going to take a lot
longer.” Frank rolled his eyes at me. “Okay, now you have to open this one,” I
said, handing him a small, thin envelope. Frank opened it carefully again,
making sure not to tear the contents. Inside this present was just one photo.
Frank gasped and clutched it to his chest.
“Is this our bedroom?” Frank whispered, looking at me with big, excited eyes. I
nodded and smiled. “It’s so perfect!” I had been very cagy about sending Frank
pictures of our new house as I didn’t want him to see it before it was
finished. It had taken me the whole time I had been in England to decorate the
bedroom, and I was worried that it wouldn’t have been ready for Frank’s
arrival. However, I had succeeded in finishing it a few days before my flight.
I had managed to find the perfect four poster bed with deep red curtains
decorating it – it hadn’t been cheap, but I wanted the best for our new
bedroom. The walls of the room were a matching shade of red and the furniture
was black, but the colourful paintings brightened up the room. There was also a
huge, bay window to the side with a little seat in it right next to my
bookcase. I could wait to cuddle up on there with Frank and read books
together. “Gee I love you so much… I can’t wait to see it for real.”
“I can’t wait to take you home either. Everything is going to be so good when
we can finally be together.” I handed him a third gift.
“Gee, how many things have you got me?” Frank asked, taking the second envelope
out of my hand and opening it.
“It’s not that much, and you knew you were going to get this one anyway.”
Inside was his plane ticket to England. Frank made a squeaking noise and stood
up, jumping up and down. “I’m so excited! I can’t believe this is real!”
“Okay, last present, Frankie,” I said, smiling and pulling him back onto the
wall next to me. I gave him a small, black box with a gold bow on top. “This is
the most important one.” Smiling at me, Frank opened the box and gasped,
pulling out the set of keys. “These are the keys to our house, Frankie.”
“Our house?” Frank breathed, clutching the keys.
“Yep. Ours. Your mom and I have already enrolled you in the local college, due
to start after the Christmas holidays. It’s only down the road so it’s within
walking distance, which is pretty good considering you don’t have to commute
across London, but it’s not the same one I work at this time.” I smiled at him
lovingly. “We’re going to be coming back to New Jersey in each of the school
holidays to see our families and friends. When we catch our flight next week,
we’ll be taking most of your stuff over, then your mom will ship the rest over
as soon as she can.” Frank was still staring at me with tears forming in his
eyes, still holding the keys tightly to his chest.
“Gerard this is the best Christmas ever… I couldn’t have imagined anything
better,” he whispered before leaning over and crashing into me so hard that we
both fell off the small wall into the snow on his front lawn. We turned to each
other and giggled, the tips of our noses touching. It was in that moment,
staring into Franks eyes in a heap of warmth and giggles in the crystal snow
that I knew how good I had it. I knew right then, that my life had just begun…
and it was going to be perfect.
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