Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2740010.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Merlin_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Merlin/Arthur_Pendragon
  Character:
      Merlin_(Merlin), Arthur_Pendragon_(Merlin)
  Additional Tags:
      Dark_Arthur, the_one_where_merlin_is_emotionally_stunted, Panic_Attacks,
      reverting_back_to_childhood_behaviors, Internalized_Homophobia, Denial,
      extreme_denial, Humiliation, Graphic_Rape, Very_Dark_Fic, but_very_little
      physical_violence, Self-Hatred, attempted_suicide, due_to_psychological
      trauma_merlin_is_sometimes_an_unreliable_narrator
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-12-08 Words: 45345
****** Arthur, This Is Wrong ******
by Splashstorm
Summary
     When 8 year old Merlin is given as a sex slave to an unwilling 13
     year old Prince Arthur, Merlin thinks it's not so bad, since Arthur
     is kind and only uses him when he absolutely has to. However, when
     Arthur gets a little older, something changes in him, and the Prince
     can no longer hold himself back from using Merlin as often as
     possible.
     Through it all, a confused, terrified, and emotionally stunted Merlin
     struggles to come to terms with his (very extreme) internalized
     homophobia when he discovers that he is continuously aroused by what
     Arthur, who is also his best friend, forces upon him. Loving Arthur
     too much to hate him, Merlin focuses the hate and rage on to himself,
     at the same time also denying to himself that he has any romantic
     feelings for Arthur at all.
     (Please look at both my notes & tags to fully understand the story.)
Notes
     I hesitate to give labels, but I felt it was important to point out
     that in this fic, Merlin is somewhere along the lines of an asexual/
     demisexual/???, where he can only be aroused by Arthur and virtually
     no one else (which adds to his self-hate and confusion).
     Also there are schools in this Camelot.
     WARNINGS:
     Along with an attempted suicide, this fic has A LOT OF NON-CON.
     If it's going to be triggering, please do not read.
     This fic was a late-night Merthur daydream I had that I just had to
     write down. I started it about 10 months ago (in February) and I was
     close to publishing it in August, but my computer crashed and erased
     all my last-minute edits. That frustrated me to no end, so I held off
     on re-editing for an extra 4 months, but re-edit I finally did, so
     here it is! Lots of thanks goes to Superwholock3 for helping to beta.
     It couldn't have been easy, so Cassie, thank you SO MUCH! :')
     Everyone, enjoy the fic! <3
See the end of the work for more notes
Merlin was eight when it happened.
Uther had nearly cleansed the kingdom of magic, even executing all dragonlords
and their families. However, because Balinor had been his favorite comrade and
most trusted advisor, Balinor alone was pardoned.
Under one condition.
The ex-dragonlord must give his only son over to Uther’s son, thirteen year old
Prince Arthur, as retribution. Refusal would mean immediate death for him and
his family.
When it was officially announced that the young prince was to take Merlin at
least once a day (for as long as Uther saw fit), Prince Arthur had stared
straight ahead, jaw set tightly and his brows furrowed. Normally bright blue
eyes darkened over with fury as he stubbornly refused to look at anyone.
He didn’t want this. He’d fought his father, tooth and nail. This punishment is
cruel, he’d said. There has to be a different option.
Like always, Uther got his way in the end.
So be it. When he was king, things would change.  
 
Merlin and his family were immediately moved into the castle for Prince
Arthur’s convenience. Too soon came evening, and along with it the hard rapping
of a royal guard at their door. Merlin was so terrified he was sure his heart
had stopped.
The guard didn’t wait to be let in. Instead, he flung the door open and tore
Merlin, kicking and screaming, out of his new home. Even in the chaos of flying
limbs and tear-blurred vision, Merlin noticed his mother was sobbing, a hand
over her mouth as she gripped his father’s arm. He half-hoped his parents would
do something last minute to save him, attack the guard, call on an ancient
dragon they had somehow kept hidden just for this very circumstance-- anything,
to free him from his terrible fate. Reality hit him like a brick wall when they
did nothing, only stood by as he was ripped away.  
The guard dragged him to the darkest corners of the castle. They eventually
reached a place that looked like a giant supply room of some sort. The room was
completely dark, the only light coming from the halls.
Before Merlin could really make sense of his surroundings, he was tossed into a
large cage and immediately locked in.
“Let me out!” he grabbed at the metal bars as he kneeled in the straw bedding.
“Please!” Merlin's voice was laced with panic and desperation. Somewhere deep
inside, he knew this was a lost cause, but he had to at least try. The guard
merely ducked his head, with what looked like shame, and hurried out.
He continued to grasp at the cage bars and watched hopelessly until the
retreating guard disappeared completely from his vision.
Cautiously, Merlin slid to the far corner of the cage, the part furthest from
the light. There, he committed to making himself as small as possible. Maybe if
he did that and stayed as quiet as a mouse, the older boy wouldn’t see him and
would leave and that would be the end of that. He shivered quietly.
It must have been well over an hour when Merlin began to think that perhaps the
Prince really had forgotten all about him. Surely an extremely spoiled, teenage
royal Prince had better things to do than spend any of his free time with a
little boy? Besides, what the king wanted Arthur to do was... gross. And to
another boy? What boy would want to touch another boy like that? Merlin
couldn’t help thinking how wrong that was, how wrong it all was, and it
revolted him.
He thanked his lucky stars as more time went on and there was still no sign of
Arthur. Slowly, he began to doze off.
 
Merlin was awoken by a clinking noise. He opened his eyes slowly, and then
remembered where he was and immediately felt like vomiting.
It seemed Arthur had come after all.
As he worked at the lock to the cage, Arthur refused to look at him, almost
like he was trying not to acknowledge Merlin at all. For just a moment, Merlin
had time to hope that the lock would jam, but he had no such luck. Arthur
opened the door and stepped into the cage, which was tall enough that he
could’ve walked if he’d stooped, but he instead crawled slowly towards Merlin.
“P-please don’t,” Merlin whimpered, curling in on himself. Unwanted tears were
already pricking at the corners of his eyes. Despite the prince still
desperately avoiding eye contact, he seemed to notice them too, and winced.
“Turn around,” Arthur murmured softly.
Shakily, Merlin did as he was told, also reluctantly getting on his hands and
knees. Hanging his head, he sobbed quietly. He’d told himself he would be brave
like his father and not cry, chanted it so many times in his head, but when the
moment finally came, all his resolve washed away, just like waves on a beach.
Merlin heard the shuffling of clothes, and then he felt Arthur’s large hands on
his trousers. When Arthur pulled them down, Merlin whimpered again.
“You don’t have to do this,” he tried again, terrified and trembling hard now.
He felt his heart beating faster than it ever had in his life.
Arthur ignored him, and Merlin could hear the Prince spit into his hands.
Merlin didn’t have the slightest clue as to why Arthur needed to spit on
himself, but he didn’t have much time to think about it, because then Arthur
grabbed his bony hips and thrust into him.
Merlin screamed, lurching forward in shock and choking on his sob. Arthur’s
teenage cock was absolutely huge in his arse. He’d never been in so much pain.
Merlin sobbed loudly into the straw as Arthur thrust in and out, again and
again. His young body soon went numb with pain, and he went slack in Arthur’s
solid arms.
After a few minutes of this, Arthur finally shuddered and came. The Prince’s
fluids, along with blood, dripped down Merlin’s arse as he pulled out. Before
Merlin even came to terms with the fact that it was really over, Arthur was
gone. Merlin thought he’d heard running, but he couldn’t have been sure.
He hadn’t stopped crying, and he was shaking harder than before. That had felt
like the longest few minutes of his life. He’d have to endure that forever?
Breaking into more sobs, everything soon went black as Merlin slumped into the
straw, unconscious.
 
Day after day, at exactly the same time each day, Merlin was taken to the cage.
Arthur would come in, have sex with him as fast as possible, and then leave.
Arthur never really said anything to him, and Merlin was always in pain. He’d
heard that sex between two boys could be pleasurable if one of the boys hit a
certain spot, but Arthur never bothered to find it. Arthur just seemed
disgusted with everything, almost as disgusted as Merlin was. For the Prince,
it was simply: get it done, get out.
Merlin found himself limping a lot, and his arse was always sore. He was able
to use his magic to take away some of the pain, but he knew if he took away too
much, Uther or someone else would get suspicious and out him as a sorcerer. The
thought always left him petrified. It wasn’t just his life at stake, but his
parents’ as well.
Despite the physical and emotional trauma, Merlin knew he’d gotten lucky with
Arthur. Arthur could have had him as much and as long as he wanted, but the
Prince only took him once a day, and quickly. Also, Arthur never reprimanded
him for crying or screaming (which he did all the time). Arthur was gentle, and
when he did speak, he spoke softly to Merlin.
By the time Merlin was ten, other boys at his school were already chasing after
girls, but he found that he wasn’t interested in any of it. Anything that even
had remotely to do with girls and crushes turned him off, because it only
served to remind him of his ordeal. Talk of kissing and touching especially
sickened him.
 
One night, Merlin was just about to fall asleep when he heard his father enter
his room. Rubbing at his eyes, Merlin sat up.
“Father?”
Balinor settled at the edge of his bed, and Merlin noticed he was carrying
something. On closer inspection, Merlin could see that it was a jug, which his
father promptly handed over.
“Uther has stated that he would not allow the use of oil for you, but I can’t
stand to see you limping all the time. This will make penetration considerably
less painful.”
Merlin’s eyes went wide. “Father, I can’t! What would happen if we were
caught?”
“Damn the consequences, Merlin! If Uther finds this, I will take full blame!
With what that tyrant has done to you, I am ready for any punishment he can
dole out. This is the least I can do. I haven’t been able to protect you like a
proper father. You don’t deserve any of this. What is happening to you is on
me, and if I can help you in any way, I must.”
Merlin shook his head, taking his father’s arm in his hand. “No, father, you
shouldn’t blame yourself. I’m happy to do this, if it means our family will be
safe.” The lie stung in his throat, but Merlin swallowed it down. He certainly
wasn’t happy with it, and he never would be, but he would do anything for his
mum and dad.
Balinor broke and wrapped Merlin into a long, all-encompassing hug.
“You always have been such a selfless boy,” he muttered, pulling away. “I’m
very proud of you, son. And if Prince Arthur really is as you say, I’m certain
he would agree to the use of oil as well.”
Merlin nodded. If anyone knew the pain he went through, it was definitely
Arthur. No one else heard his shrieks and sobs when he was in that dreadful,
isolated room, or felt his shaking body as he shuddered in pain. No one knew
his daily suffering like Arthur did.
“You have a lot of faith in him,” Merlin observed.
Balinor smiled. “Kilgharrah told me you two are two sides of the same coin.”
“What does that mean?” Merlin cocked his head.
“I’m not exactly sure,” Balinor said as he began to get up. “But I assume if
Prince Arthur is anything like you, it could only be a good thing.”
 
Very early the next morning, before anyone else was awake, Merlin snuck down to
the supply room. He saw the cold steel cage, and it sent shivers down his
spine. Hurrying over to it, Merlin set the jug of oil close by, moving a few
supplies over to hide it better.
That evening, as Merlin waited in the cage for Arthur, for the first time in
two years he felt a little optimism. Maybe, just maybe, doing… “it,” finally
wouldn’t hurt so bad. Merlin wasn’t as small as he used to be, but at fifteen
years, Arthur was growing at an incredible rate, so everything about their
bodies was still as unbalanced as ever.
Anxiously, he realized that this could easily all go to shit. What if Arthur
refused to use the oil? Or worse, had his father beheaded for obtaining it in
the first place? Merlin shook his head. He didn’t want to think about all that.
Instead, Merlin pondered the fact that Arthur was never on time. It was pretty
obvious the Prince tried to put it off for as long as possible. One time,
Arthur had kept Merlin waiting in the cage for well over half the night. “Was
hunting,” he had muttered when he’d finally arrived. Their eyes met briefly in
that moment, and a mutual understanding passed between them.
Merlin was always grateful for Arthur’s kind heart. If only he’d have the
courage to stand up to his father and refuse to take Merlin at all, but in that
case Uther would only give him to a different master, and Merlin didn’t even
want to imagine how that would go.
His head had drooping drowsily as he reflected on all this, but it shot up
immediately when Arthur finally walked into the room. Merlin watched the young
prince with wary but hopeful eyes. Once Arthur got the cage open, Merlin
scrambled up, crouching on all fours. “Wait, Arthur.” Arthur’s eyes widened in
surprise, and Merlin was so scared he nearly choked. “I-- I brought something.”
There was a pause, like Arthur still couldn’t quite believe Merlin was actually
speaking to him like this, and Merlin wasted no time in pointing to the jug.
“C-can we use that? Please? It would be a lot easier on me, and, and--”
“Yes.” The prince sucked in a deep breath. “Yes, of course we can,” he said,
more slowly.
Merlin nodded, relief making him dizzy. “Thank you so much,” he whispered,
nearly sagging. “Really, you don’t know what this means to me.”
Arthur smiled at him, and something warm blossomed in Merlin’s chest. He smiled
back, holding Arthur’s gaze, until finally the Prince looked away and went to
take the jug.
Wordlessly, Arthur crawled back into the cage. With each second that passed,
Arthur was getting closer to Merlin, and Merlin’s heart thudded terribly in his
chest. Even with the oil, he was still terrified. Merlin shivered and drew his
limbs closer to his body.
When Arthur came up next to him, Merlin found, like so many other times, that
he was acutely aware of Arthur’s body. The sound of his soft breathing, the
rustle of his clothes as he shifted, the feel of an arm or a leg brushing up
against him.
Merlin quietly inhaled, taking in Arthur’s scent. There was something about
that scent that was so completely Arthur. Merlin wanted to bury his face in
Arthur’s neck and just breathe him in. And, something about those brilliant
blue eyes, so soft, made Merlin want to look into them and never look away
again.
Arthur, in the process of unbuckling his belt, caught him staring and blushed.
Merlin smiled in return, wondering how such a beautiful boy could be bashful at
all. He knew that he himself would never look like that. He was an ugly, gangly
little thing-- arms and legs sticking up all over the place, ears far too big
for his head, skinny as a twig. He would never look as utterly beautiful as his
prince.
When Arthur unlaced his trousers, Merlin gasped quietly and looked away. He
berated himself for being so lost in thought he very nearly caught a glimpse of
Arthur’s cock. He’d never seen it before and he didn’t ever want to.  
A moment later, Merlin heard a mumbled, “Okay,” which was his cue to undo his
own trousers. Like always, Merlin faced away from Arthur, and he wished
fervently that he could be anywhere but here.
After a moment or two, Merlin felt an oily, dripping finger at his hole. He
clenched up immediately. Besides the oil, this was all new. Arthur had never
thought to stretch him before sex until now.
“Relax,” the older boy murmured. Merlin tried his best to, forcing his muscles
to open for Arthur as he gritted his teeth in effort. Unfortunately, years of
conditioning had taught his body to expect only pain from this act, and so he
barely succeeded in doing what Arthur had told him to do.
Despite this, Arthur did manage to inch his finger in eventually, and Merlin
shifted. Fingering wasn’t nearly as painful as sex. After Arthur moved his
finger around a little longer, he put in a second finger. He moved both of them
in and out, then in a scissor-like motion. Finally he put in a third finger.
This wasn’t so bad. Merlin only wished Arthur had thought to stretch him
sooner.
Finally Arthur pulled his fingers out, and Merlin could feel the other boy’s
large cock at his entrance. Merlin stiffened and clenched his hole again. “It’s
okay,” Arthur whispered in his ear. Arthur patiently stroked his side until he
was calm enough to slowly unclench his muscles, and then Arthur pushed inside.
The old pain came shooting back, partly due to the fact that his hole was
always sore, and so Merlin screamed in pain, falling on his face into his arms.
Arthur didn’t stop thrusting.
He hadn’t always been this way, but lately, once Arthur got in, it was like he
turned into a different person. Arthur never moaned or whispered dirty things
(certainly not), but Merlin had been terribly confused when he first noticed
the change. Somewhere along the way, the kind Prince had begun to enjoy this.
Merlin could tell he did in the way he bucked and thrust desperately and shook
when he came.
When he talked to Gaius about this odd phenomenon, his uncle had said that it
was Arthur’s teenaged body responding, not Arthur. That left Merlin even more
confused than before, but he decided to let it go. How one could enjoy this was
beyond him, but Merlin didn’t mind that Arthur did, because away from sex, the
Prince was just as stoic and disgusted about the situation as ever.
As Arthur continued his thrusting, Merlin realized with glee that the original
shooting pain was actually starting to subside. The oil really did work!
After Arthur came, he slid out and pulled his trousers back on, grabbing ahold
of the jug. “I should take this,” he said. His voice was hoarse and strangely
husky, lower than Merlin’s ever heard it. “I’ll bring it with me tomorrow.”
The Prince’s heated gaze seemed to scorch his own as he only nodded. Then
Merlin watched as Arthur, like all the times before, turned on his heels and
exited the room as fast as possible.
 
Three years passed.
Just as Merlin became a teenager, Arthur became a man.  
Throughout the years, the oil had helped considerably, so though he still never
liked sex, it was tolerable now. Merlin felt they could have continued their
routine peacefully like this, but of course Arthur had to go and mess
everything up.
Merlin was in class the first time it happened.
A royal guard came in, walked to the front of the classroom, and whispered
something to Merlin’s teacher. She shot him a pitying glance, and Merlin
shuffled nervously in his seat. What was it now?
“Merlin, dear, go with this man. It seems you have business to attend to.” Her
voice was unusually shrill, a hint of a crack right under the surface.  
Merlin felt his stomach lurch. He shakily grabbed his things and followed the
guard outside.
“What is it?” he asked, trying hard to keep his voice steady. Had someone
finally discovered the oil? Or had they figured out he was a sorcerer?  
The guard coughed uncomfortably, continuing to stare straight ahead. “Prince
Arthur... seeks your presence.”
Merlin’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. Now this was unexpected. Of all
things, he never would have guessed. Arthur never spoke to him outside of sex
unless he absolutely had to. Hell, even during sex Arthur barely spoke to him.
They avoided talking to each other worse than the plague. What could Arthur
possibly want with him at this time of day?
Merlin’s surprise increased drastically when he was led down the usually empty,
hauntingly familiar corridor that led to his cage. This couldn’t be right.
His.. session, wasn’t until later in the evening (Arthur insisted Merlin not be
pulled out during school, and definitely not before he had had his dinner).
Surely Arthur just wanted to talk? But why here?
The guard promptly clicked open the lock on the cage and stepped aside to allow
Merlin in. Then the man snapped the padlock shut again and left Merlin to his
own thoughts.
Arthur arrived much sooner than he usually would have. Like always, Merlin sat
in the far corner of the cage, but this time he didn’t know what to expect.
What was so important that Arthur had to pull him out of school?
When Arthur stepped into the cage, Merlin finally looked up at him. To his
surprise, Arthur was holding the jug of oil.
Oh.
Arthur must have been forced to make a schedule change for the day.
The Prince kept his eyes down as he began to untie his breeches. Merlin looked
away and began to undo his own. Arthur prepared him quickly and efficiently,
both of them knowing exactly what to do.
Arthur slipped into him and Merlin stiffened. No matter how long they’d been
doing this or how much he had come to respect Arthur, Merlin never got used to
this intrusion. And besides, they were both men. This wasn’t right.
Arthur thrust and bucked into him, and Merlin shut his eyes and bore it. There
was no use trying to pretend he was anywhere but here. With Arthur’s loud
panting (never in his ears, mind you-- that was too intimate), strong arms
around his hips, and cock driving deep into him, Arthur seemed to be
everywhere. There was no escaping Arthur. Not even in the privacy of his own
mind.
The still-impossible reality was that he was really stuck being sex slave to
Arthur. For how long was anyone’s guess. Merlin could only try to bear his
situation with the little dignity he still had. He was always aware that the
situation could have been much worse.
Arthur came silently, and then pulled out. Merlin had never orgasmed in his
life, and he briefly wondered how it must feel like before he quickly shut that
atrocious thought from his mind. To this day, sex still completely repulsed
him.
Merlin could hear Arthur’s breeches shuffling as he got them back on, and then
the Prince was gone.
That evening, shocked couldn’t even begin to describe how Merlin felt when a
guard came in and dragged him back to the cage. For the second time that day,
Arthur drove his cock into Merlin and thrust like his life depended on it.
From that day on, Arthur began taking Merlin two, sometimes even three times a
day. It didn’t matter where he was or what he was doing, a guard would burst in
at random intervals, demanding Merlin. Merlin was as perplexed as ever. Had
Arthur finally gone mad?
 
Merlin was sitting in class, trying to solve the mathematics problem on the
board when he heard an achingly familiar voice. “I need to borrow Merlin for a
bit.” Merlin’s heart nearly stopped.
“Yes, of course, m’lord.”
Merlin turned his head to Arthur and saw the Prince had his arms crossed,
leaning on the doorframe. Arthur was staring directly at him, face as
expressionless and unreadable as ever.
It’d been a year since Arthur started taking him so often, but never before had
Arthur himself been the one to fetch him. “Well c’mon,” Arthur said, raising an
eyebrow. “I haven’t got all day.”
Merlin jumped, not realizing he'd been gawking and showing no signs whatsoever
of moving. “Y-yes, sire.”
Merlin got up and hastily left the classroom, ignoring the usual pitying looks
his classmates shot at him.
They walked to the cage in complete silence. Arthur didn’t look at him, and
Merlin kept his eyes to the ground.
After they were both lubed up, Merlin waited expectantly on his hands and
knees. The part right before penetration was the worst. Not knowing exactly
when Arthur would touch the tip of his cock to his sensitive hole was too
suspenseful for his liking. He shuddered.
This time, Arthur was waiting longer than usual. The Prince was so quiet that,
if not for the fear of accidentally seeing his cock, Merlin would have turned
his head to make sure Arthur was still there. Instead, he just kept his eyes on
the cage bars, listening to his own rapid heartbeat as he waited.
Finally he felt Arthur’s large arms wrap around his belly.
Huh. That was weird.
Arthur usually only gripped his hips for leverage. Arthur's cock rubbed at the
entrance to Merlin’s arse, and Merlin could feel the wetness from the oil slick
against him. The Prince leaned down on him, his mouth right by Merlin’s ear.
Merlin shut his eyes tight. Arthur’s breath was too hot, too close. Why was
Arthur doing this?
Finally Arthur pressed gently in, beginning to thrust. Merlin tried to hold
still, but eventually the force of Arthur’s movements rocked his body in time
with the thrusts. Merlin snapped his eyes open in shock the first time he heard
Arthur moan, long and low. Then Arthur was mouthing at his neck and ears, and
Merlin’s breath hitched as his heart beat rapidly in his chest. “A-arthur?!” he
stammered, voice cracking with fear. Arthur continued to thrust and moan, and
Merlin shut his eyes again. This was wrong. This was so wrong. Was Arthur
actually enjoying it so much?
Then Arthur spun him around, and Merlin yelped in surprise. Merlin could only
watch in bewilderment as Arthur, with quick fingers, stripped off his own
shirt, then proceeded to work at getting Merlin’s off. Merlin struggled,
briefly forgetting who he was fighting against before he remembered and
completely stiffened instead, falling on his back into the straw in shameful
submission.
Arthur grunted in acknowledgement and scooted higher up on Merlin’s hips to get
his shirt all the way off. As he did so, Arthur’s hard cock brushed Merlin’s
exposed belly, and Merlin bucked, trembling. He tried to calm himself by taking
deep breaths. He had sex with Arthur all the time. He told himself over and
over again that there was no reason to be afraid just because the prince wanted
to try a new position.
Except he was terrified.
By the time Merlin was completely naked, he was near tears. This had been a new
defilement, a new intrusion. He’d never been naked in front of anyone, and he
had never ever wanted to be.
“You’re not a little boy anymore,” Arthur murmured, kissing up and down his
neck and chest. Arthur sat back and raked his eyes over Merlin’s most private
parts. “You’ve grown so gracefully. You’re so beautiful.” His voice was heavy
with awe.   
He was beautiful? Arthur really was off his rocker. Making sure to keep his
eyes just to the left of Arthur’s head, Merlin swallowed nervously. He didn’t
want to accidentally see anything. But then Arthur grabbed his head and forced
Merlin to look into his eyes. “Keep your eyes on mine,” Arthur commanded,
though his voice was edged with a terrible softness. “You’ve grown up, and I
want this body.” Arthur continued gawking at Merlin’s soft, pale skin, as if it
was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. “I want you,” Arthur breathed,
staring fiercely into Merlin’s eyes, as if challenging the boy to object, as if
mocking his helplessness.
Merlin’s entire body convulsed in a shudder. He was beyond terrified.
Two sides of the same coin.
How were they anything alike? Merlin thought Arthur was a monster.  
When Arthur was confident of the boy’s obedience, he finally drove his cock
inside. Merlin arched up, his body not used to being taken in this position,
and he whimpered softly when Arthur moved gently in and out. The Prince
smirked, angled his body a different way, and thrust again. This time, Arthur’s
cock brushed against something in Merlin that set his entire body on fire.
Merlin bit his lip to keep from screaming, and then Arthur drove into him
repeatedly, hitting that same spot each time. What was that feeling? After an
excruciating long while, Merlin finally couldn’t stop himself and grabbed onto
Arthur’s shoulders, needing something, anything, to hold on to. He was going
wild inside. He was in a frenzy.
They were both panting hard, and Merlin hated it, yet his body continued to
crave every bit of Arthur’s terrifying cock. Merlin writhed in pleasure, but he
knew this was wrong. He couldn’t be enjoying this. This was sick.
Whatever he thought, Merlin’s eyes eventually glazed over as Arthur continued
his onslaught. Merlin had never felt anything like this. He was swimming in
pleasure, overwhelmed with feelings coming from all around him, surrounding
him, suffocating him. He whimpered loudly, to Arthur’s pleasure. This was
different than all the other times he’s had sex. This time Arthur was making
sure Merlin would enjoy this. Arthur wanted to see Merlin come for the first
time.
Merlin’s foggy mind finally caught up to what was happening, and he suddenly
felt an irrational and overwhelming need to get out of there. He shoved at
Arthur. “No! Arthur, stop it.” His voice shook, with pleasure or embarrassment,
he couldn’t tell. Arthur stared at him in astonishment, and Merlin flipped over
onto his belly, crying and grabbing at the bars as he tried to sit up. His
feeble attempt to escape failed when Arthur grabbed his hips and ripped his
hands from the bars.
Merlin screamed and kicked, but Arthur held him down until he was flat on his
back again. Through his tears, Merlin looked up into Arthur’s face and saw that
his eyes were darker than ever. Dark with lust... and something else.
“Let me go! Please let me go!” Merlin tried kicking at him again, but Arthur
sat on his legs, grunting, and held Merlin’s wrists up, gripping them almost
painfully tight above his head.
“You aren’t getting away no matter what, so you might as well try to enjoy
this,” Arthur hissed, giving Merlin a clout to the head. Arthur hadn’t actually
hurt him, but the swat stunned Merlin enough to make him go limp for just a
second. Taking advantage of this, Arthur ground down on Merlin’s cock, grinding
them roughly together. Merlin’s whimpering choked off as an embarrassingly high
squeak escaped his lips. No, no, he couldn’t like this. His treacherous body
didn’t know what it was doing.
Merlin tried to wriggle away, but it dawned on him quickly that the movement
only added more friction to their coupling. In the end, all he could do was
shut his eyes tight and tried to pretend he was somewhere else. It never worked
before, and it certainly didn’t work now.
Merlin continued to protest until he realized he was only babbling
incoherently. His pubescent body was betraying him in every way. To his utter
horror, his cock had hardened all the way, and everything in him was telling
him to just lay back and take the pleasure. Arthur moaned and licked his neck,
nibbled at his ear, then took his mouth. Merlin cried and tried to move his
head away, but Arthur grabbed his chin. “When I kiss you, you will kiss back.
Under no circumstances are you to ever forget that.” Arthur’s voice was hard,
and Merlin swallowed, nearly choking on his tears. He tried to speak, but
nothing came out, so in the end he only nodded.
Arthur wasted no time in going back to Merlin’s mouth. Merlin shut his eyes,
feeling them roll to the back of his head at Arthur’s kiss. Merlin kissed back,
like commanded, and he couldn’t come to terms with the feeling it gave him. It
felt like he was soaring in space and yet falling into Arthur at the same time.
It was like he couldn’t get enough, and everything was Arthur. But for now,
just for now, it wasn’t so bad.
Arthur continued to rut against him, and Merlin whimpered in pleasure this
time, the feeling of his cock against Arthur’s threatening to overwhelm him.
Suddenly, it was all too much and Merlin broke the kiss as he grabbed onto
Arthur's shoulders and gripped him tight. “Arthur, what’s--?” Merlin buried his
face into Arthur’s neck as Arthur quickened his pace. Merlin was in a frenzy,
his entire body feeling like it was about to light up in a blaze and explode at
any second. Suddenly he came, his fluids shooting all over both their bellies
and hips. Merlin cried out, gasping loudly, and immediately after, Arthur came
as well, riding him through their orgasms and not stopping until he had milked
out every ounce.
Panting hard, Arthur lay down behind Merlin, holding him close. Merlin was
trembling and shaking. What just happened?
Arthur pulled Merlin closer and seeded gentle kisses into his neck. The Prince
gently nibbled at his shoulders, and Merlin shivered. He just wanted to sleep
now, to forget about all of this, and Arthur wasn’t helping.
At last, Arthur stopped his fondling and relaxed into Merlin, allowing him to
finally drift off into a restless slumber.
 
After that night, Arthur only became needier. He would grab Merlin wherever he
was, drag him to the nearest closet, and fuck him until they both came. The
first time he sucked Merlin off, Merlin had been terrified.
“No, Arthur, please don’t...”
“You’ll like it.” Arthur grinned and roughly shoved Merlin’s trousers down to
his ankles.
“Please, Arthur--!”
When Arthur put Merlin’s cock in his mouth, Merlin moaned involuntarily, then
regained his senses and grabbed at Arthur’s hair, intent on shoving him off.
Somehow, once he got his fingers in the blonde locks, Merlin found his hand
merely clutching at Arthur’s hair instead. Did he just pull Arthur’s head
closer? Oh, that was an accident. Merlin bit his lip as his hips bucked all on
their own. “Arthurrrr,” Merlin whimpered. He had to get Arthur off. Right. Now.
In a last attempt, Merlin sank to the floor and tried kicking at him, but
Arthur refused to be deterred, even smiling a little at Merlin’s lame attempt,
and finally Merlin came, moaning loudly with his eyes shut and both hands in
Arthur’s hair.
“Told you you’d like it,” Arthur said breathlessly, his lips swollen and red.
There was a teasing glint in his pretty blue eyes.
“Unhhngn,” Merlin managed. He’d meant to say ‘prat’.
 
The first time Arthur had gotten Merlin to suck him off, they were in the halls
in the wee hours of the night. “Someone will see us,” Merlin tried.
“No one is awake,” Arthur rolled his eyes. “Hurry up.” The Prince’s trousers
were already down by his ankles, and he tapped his foot impatiently. Merlin
kept his eyes averted. He’d yet to actually look at Arthur's cock.
“You can’t make me do this,” Merlin tried again, wincing when he realized how
dumb that statement was. He should really think before he spoke.  
“Obviously I can, and I will.” Arthur narrowed his eyes, then used a hand to
effortlessly push Merlin down on both knees. Merlin’s eyes stayed on the floor,
refusing to look up at the dangling flesh before him. “Lick it,” Arthur
commanded.
Merlin could feel his eyes growing wet with tears. Who knew sweet thirteen year
old Arthur could grow up to be such a fucking pervert. Bitterly, Merlin cursed
his life. He didn’t want Arthur’s stupid cock in his mouth. “I actually eat
with this mouth, you know,” he said through gritted teeth.
“And you’ll swallow my all my seed as well.”
Merlin took a deep, shaky breath, then moved his head a little over to slowly
lick the side of Arthur’s cockhead. Arthur stiffened under him. Merlin stopped
to clear his throat, then began again. This time he took Arthur’s tip between
his lips and licked it cautiously. He could taste a little of Arthur’s salty
pre-come in his mouth and he nearly gagged. How was he going to swallow it all?
Merlin paused for a second to steady himself, then tried again.
He sucked gently at the tip, then eventually took in the entire head. Arthur
gasped, grabbing at his hair and yanking him closer. Merlin nearly lost his
balance and grabbed onto Arthur’s thighs to steady himself. Slowly, he took in
more of Arthur’s cock, sucking gently and tentatively the entire time, trying
not to think about the horrid taste.
After a while, he had finally sucked Arthur’s cock fully into his mouth. Arthur
panted, his hand still fisted desperately in Merlin’s hair, and Merlin himself
felt his eyes growing heavy and glazed. This-- this, actually wasn’t really
that disgusting, after he’d gotten used to it. Merlin felt a hotness in his
gut, a feeling he couldn’t quite pinpoint, and then with dismay, he realized
his own cock was beginning to harden. He shut his eyes, willing it to go back
to being limp, but it was no use. He whimpered when he felt his loosely clothed
cock rise up against his belly and harden all the way.
Arthur must’ve somehow sensed this, because then he promptly popped his cock
out of Merlin’s mouth and hoisted him up to a standing position. Arthur shoved
Merlin up against the wall and kissed him, grinding into him. Merlin kissed
back, as was his requirement. Arthur’s cock, smearing cum on his trousers where
it pressed into him, made Merlin incredibly aroused. He needed more friction.
No, what was he talking about? He needed Arthur to get the fuck away from him.
Arthur rutted against him, and when Arthur moved his hand to Merlin’s belly,
Merlin winced. His cock was completely erect, leaking pre-come and… poking out
of his trousers onto his belly. Merlin only hoped Arthur wouldn’t discover it.
His face lit red with shame and self-disgust. Arthur pawed at Merlin’s shirt,
pushing it up half-heartedly as they continued kissing and Arthur continued
grinding into him. Merlin was so hard it was ridiculous.
Arthur’s hands explored Merlin’s belly, and his hand inevitably brushed up
against the sensitive head of Merlin’s cock. Arthur’s face lit up with
surprise, and Merlin squeezed his eyes shut. This was so humiliating. Merlin
continued kissing Arthur, his tears revealing his shame.
Arthur played with the head of Merlin’s cock, rubbing his thumb in a circular
motion at the tip. Merlin had to muster all his self-control not to cry out.
The sensation was amazing. He pushed himself further into Arthur’s hand before
realizing what he was doing and immediately drew back again, tears flowing
faster at his disgrace.
At this, Arthur broke away from his mouth, instead kissing Merlin’s neck,
tasting it and licking and lapping at it. Merlin’s head fell against the wall
as he groaned, whimpering and trying to push Arthur away, but he knew that his
body wanted nothing more than to fuck his prince right here and now. His body
was wet and ready and yearning for it, but his mind fought against it with
everything he had.
Arthur let go of Merlin’s cock and instead wrapped both arms around him in a
suffocating hug as he rubbed his own rock-hard cock relentlessly against
Merlin’s. Arthur’s face was tucked in Merlin’s neck as he panted, sounding
wrecked.
Merlin gasped loudly, crying out and swearing. He was really tipping over the
edge now. Crying out one last time, Merlin came all over both their bellies. To
his dismay, they actually came at the same time. Merlin refused to look down at
the mess they’d made. He was shaking with disgust and still panting hard.
Arthur continued kissing and nibbling at his neck, and Merlin could do nothing
but stand there and let him. After some time, Arthur finally wiped at the cum
on his cock and belly and sloppily smeared it on Merlin’s lips. “Lick that
off,” he drawled lazily. The Prince’s smile was twisted into a light smirk as
he waggled his eyebrows. Merlin shrank back into the wall, wishing he could
just disappear forever. He shook his head as more tears dribbled down his
cheek.
“Do it,” Arthur said, grabbing at Merlin’s shoulders and shaking him once.
Merlin swallowed and sucked in a quick breath. Arthur wasn’t going to let him
off. Arthur never let him off. Still shamefully hard, Merlin tentatively licked
his lips, blushing. “Good?” Arthur purred, leaning his handsome face in.
“It’s not bad,” Merlin whispered, stricken with the realization.  
Arthur blinked, surprised at Merlin’s honesty, and then his eyes flooded with
affection. Quickly, he leaned for another kiss, and Merlin, like always, was
forced to kiss back. Or else.
 
Four years passed, and Merlin was finally an adult.
Throughout the years, Arthur always got what he wanted, and he wanted Merlin to
be his friend. So Merlin became his friend.
It had actually been surprisingly easy to become friends with Arthur. Merlin
never had to pretend or force it. Despite everything, they fit together like a
lock and key, and Merlin was never able to resist Arthur. It was like there was
an invisible chain that bound them together, and no matter what Arthur forced
him to do, or how many times Arthur made him do it, Merlin always found himself
forgiving him (not that Arthur ever apologized).
Some way, some how, Arthur had wriggled into some deep dark place inside
Merlin’s heart, and Merlin couldn’t shake free of it.
The two were always together. When they had free time, Arthur and Merlin, along
with their friends, would play catch, go down by the river and swim, or do
whatever else they wanted to do. Merlin tagged along on all of Arthur’s hunting
trips (Arthur would never in a million years allow him to stay behind), and as
far as everyone was concerned, they were secretly a couple.
“Your boyfriend is waiting for you,” Gwen said, motioning at where Arthur was
impatiently waiting in the body of water by the small waterfall. Arthur had his
trousers rolled up to his knees, and for the time-being, he still had his shirt
on.
“He is not my boyfriend,” Merlin rolled his eyes.
At this, Gwen and Morgana exchanged a look. Lancelot jogged up right about
then, hugging Gwen from behind. “Whatever is or is not going on between Merlin
and Arthur is their business,” he said into Gwen’s ear. He looked up at Merlin
and smiled gently. Merlin smiled thankfully in return. Lancelot didn’t know
about the true nature of his and Arthur’s relationship, but Merlin was glad he
didn’t participate in the teasing.
When Gwen giggled and leaned into Lance, he took her mouth gently. Merlin
watched, biting his lip uncomfortably. He thought about how, his whole life,
he’d never wanted anyone the way Lancelot and Gwen clearly wanted each other.
He wondered how it must feel like to kiss and do... other things, not because
you were forced to, but because you actually wanted it.  
Kissing Arthur meant nothing. None of his friends knew about how Arthur had
commanded him to return each and every one of those kisses, or about how Arthur
force-fucked him whenever the bastard was horny (which was absolutely all the
time). They all fell under the impression that the two had worked out Merlin’s
age-old punishment, that they had somehow secretly convinced Uther to repeal
it. After all, it was already known far and wide that Arthur was the most noble
Prince of all the lands and neighboring kingdoms. The idea that he would ever
want to take someone against their will was the most alien concept for anyone,
but especially alien for those closest to him. Merlin knew telling them would
be pointless. It wasn’t like they could help him. Knowing would only add to
their worries and needlessly tarnish Arthur’s reputation.
And then all those sad stares he used to get. Those were the worst. He’d rather
let the public believe he was secretly in love with Arthur than have to put up
with being so universally pitied and treated specially just because people felt
bad for him.
Merlin turned on his heels and jogged over to Arthur, who was still waiting in
the pool. “Finally,” Arthur grinned, grabbing at Merlin’s head and pulling it
down towards his chest.
“Stop it!” Merlin chuckled, trying to get out from under Arthur’s strong arms.
This proximity was already going straight to his cock, and he hated it. He
hated how easily Arthur turned him on.
Over the years, his body had come to strongly associate Arthur’s with pleasure,
and try as he might, he couldn’t seem to reverse that. Apparently his body had
forgotten all the tears he’d cried and sleepless nights he’d had due to
Arthur’s body as well.
As Merlin tried to wriggle away, Arthur took him into a warm hug and licked
Merlin’s lips. Merlin’s eyes glazed as heat pooled in his belly. “Open,” Arthur
whispered, his blue eyes brilliant and blinding. Merlin moaned softly as he
opened for Arthur, and when they kissed, he felt whole and free. Once again, he
felt like he was falling, and his knees trembled. Merlin grabbed Arthur’s sides
and kissed his best friend fully and warmly, feeling his heart melting like it
had all those other times. Kissing sent a rush of emotions through him.
Emotions he could never understand, even when he spent hours contemplating on
them.
Arthur thrust his hips into Merlin’s once, and Merlin’s face cracked into a
grin, a blush crossing his pale skin. It all felt so good, everything with
Arthur, all the time. Finally they broke apart, and Arthur took Merlin’s hand
as they walked back to their friends.
 
Gwen and Morgana giggled. Clearly Merlin was in love with Arthur. Who did he
think he was fooling? Gwen could see the way Merlin looked at him. Like his
whole world, his entire center, was Arthur. And oh, the way Merlin was smiling.
Merlin never smiled that way, not unless Arthur was the cause. And Arthur loved
Merlin back just as much. At least Arthur didn’t have trouble admitting it.
“Do you think Merlin will ever admit to us his feelings for Arthur?” Gwen asked
Morgana.
“Does he really need to? It’s obvious he’s never going to love another,”
Morgana smiled. “I’m jealous of them.”
Gwen laughed. “Don't worry, Morgana.” She put a warm hand on her friend.
“You’ll find your soulmate eventually.”
 
Merlin heard his bedroom door crack open. Already knowing who it was, he
groaned and turned to see Arthur. The older man was in the middle of trying to
close Merlin’s door as quietly as possible, and then he turned and tip-toed
over. “Scoot your bottom, Merlin,” he whispered.
“Go back to your own bedroom, you big loaf,” Merlin chided, also whispering. He
was too tired to deal with Arthur’s shit at this time of night. “I’m tired,
leave me alone.”
Arthur clamped a hand on Merlin's shoulder and the other on his leg and
promptly half rolled, half tossed Merlin over to make room for himself.
“You are intolerable,” Merlin groaned loudly into his pillow, turning so that
he was faced away from his friend. Really, screw Uther’s punishment. What right
did Arthur have to treat him this way? He was still a human being. Before
Merlin’s sleep-muddled thoughts could rant on any longer, Arthur curled his
arms around him, and suddenly Merlin decided that, just for tonight, he
wouldn’t kick Arthur off the bed once the giant prat fell asleep.
 
When dawn came, Merlin awoke to Arthur’s morning wood pressed up tightly
against his own. Some time during the night, he had apparently turned so that
he was facing Arthur, and now they were tangled in a mess of legs and arms.
Merlin smiled to himself. He loved mornings like this, when he got to wake up
next to his best friend. And it was definitely the mornings he liked, not the
nights leading up to what happened in the morning. Well, he didn’t like what
happened in the morning after Arthur woke up either. He actually just liked
that tiny sliver of time where he was awake and Arthur wasn't, but where Arthur
was still laying in bed next to him. Because he loved Arthur, and Arthur was
his best friend. And best friends liked waking up next to each other.
Merlin snuggled deeper into Arthur’s neck and ignored his own raging hard-on.
“Good morning, lazy daisy,” Merlin whispered in his ear.
Arthur stirred and swatted at him. “Go away, Merlin.”
“Wish you’d tell me that more often,” Merlin mused seriously, jabbing his
sleepy clotpole in the side.
When Arthur didn’t move, Merlin lay back and pulled the blankets up to their
chins. He leaned his face in close to Arthur’s. Damn, sleepy Arthur’s smell was
intoxicating. Merlin nuzzled his nose into Arthur's cheek and slowly pressed
soft lips there, kissing him tenderly. And it was definitely a friendly kiss.
Merlin wasn’t gay, after all.
He ran long fingers through Arthur’s soft, downy hair, fiercely blushing with
the extent of his absolute adoration when, finally, Arthur opened up his
beautiful blue eyes. Merlin nearly forgot to breathe. Arthur seemed to
absolutely melt into Merlin’s touch, and the Prince closed his eyes again. Why
didn’t Merlin allow him into his bed more often? As if on cue, Arthur murmured,
“Fuck me.” Oh, right.
Merlin’s eyes shadowed over with dismay as he pulled his hand away from
Arthur’s hair. He began to feel clammy, and he felt his stomach dropping
through the bed to the ground and beyond.
“C’mon, Merlin,” Arthur hummed, eyes still closed, smiling a little. How could
Arthur smile at his anguish? Even with his eyes closed, Merlin knew Arthur must
have known exactly how he felt. Merlin clenched his jaw in anger. Arthur was
impossible. And horrible. And messed up in the head. Arthur opened one eye and
watched him. “Well?”
When Merlin didn’t do anything, Arthur rolled his eyes. “Oh please, Merlin, you
always end up liking it but whine constantly beforehand. You’re utterly
ridiculous.”
Suddenly enraged, Merlin spat, “Fuck you, Arthur Pendragon! I’M ridiculous for
not wanting to be raped every day by a spoiled prat?!”
Arthur grabbed at him, but Merlin clawed his arm away, scrambling out of bed.
He had to get out of there. Quickly.
“Merlin, get back here!” Arthur shouted.
Merlin barely made it to the door before Arthur got in front of him, barring
him from his freedom. Merlin’s eyes were wild and huge, brimming with
frightened tears. Arthur sighed, running an exhausted hand through his hair.
“Get back to the bed,” Arthur said quietly, pointing as if Merlin might need
help finding it.
“I don’t want to,” Merlin whispered. “I hate having sex. I don’t want to have
sex.” Merlin protested every day, but he had never seen a day when Arthur had
let him go. Not once. “Arthur, please,” he begged desperately. He knew he was
acting like a child, but he didn’t care. “I love you. I’ll be your best friend
until the day I die. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Please Arthur.”
Arthur took his hands and leaned in close. “Strip.”
Crying silently, Merlin did as he was told. Arthur sat back on the bed,
watching and waiting. Once naked, Merlin gingerly climbed on top of Arthur’s
lap, and he shivered when his cock almost immediately hardened. Why must Arthur
have that effect on him? Internally cursing, Merlin gently rolled Arthur’s
loose-fitting white sleeping shirt up and over, tossing it to the floor. He
could feel Arthur shivering when his cock brushed Arthur’s stomach. Merlin bit
his lip. This felt too good, too right, too familiar. It made him
uncomfortable. Merlin suddenly felt so hot, like suddenly there was a bubble
and only him and Arthur were in it. Every little breath or movement Arthur
made, Merlin was sharply aware of it.
He worked at loosening Arthur’s trousers. When he pulled them down and Arthur’s
cock sprung up, his mouth went dry. It was so beautiful and perfect and, no,
Merlin didn’t care about Arthur’s cock. It was gross, and... a cock. He wanted
girls, because he was a man and that’s what men wanted.
Merlin tossed Arthur’s trousers onto the floor as he put a hand on Arthur’s
chest and pushed him down onto the bed. Arthur’s eyes were bright with lust and
anticipation.
“Arthur..” Merlin begged one last time. “I don’t want to do this.” Arthur
entwined their hands together and tugged lightly. “C’mon,” Arthur whispered,
almost inaudibly. Merlin could hear the strain in Arthur’s voice, the utter
need behind that one word. And he knew it was no use. Arthur was too far gone
like this.
Merlin leaned down and grabbed the jug sitting by the bed. He poured some of
the oil out and slowly slicked his cock. Done with that, he got started on
Arthur. When his finger breached Arthur’s hole, Arthur made a happy noise, and
Merlin couldn’t help but stop and smile, his mouth partly opened in the
genuineness of it as he looked into Arthur’s face. Arthur blinked up at him and
broke into a smile of his own when he noticed Merlin’s. They stared at each
other like that for a second more before Merlin realized what he was doing and
cleared his throat, looking down again, and went back to work on preparing
Arthur. He cursed himself like he had so many other times throughout the years.
Why Arthur’s happiness meant so much to him, he’d never know.
Finally Arthur was ready. Merlin didn’t like this at all. Arthur hardly ever
forced him to top, but when he did, Merlin felt especially disgusting. Merlin
held his breath as he pushed himself inside. Arthur groaned, and Merlin slowly
fucked in and out, closing his eyes as complete bliss took hold.
Before he knew what he was doing, he was thrusting in a frenzy into Arthur’s
hole, still holding his hand. Merlin threw his head back as he moaned. He could
feel everything, and he loved it. He leaned down, cupping Arthur’s jaw with his
free hand, and hungrily took Arthur’s mouth with his. They fucked hard and
rolled on the bed, both making obscene noises. At one point, Merlin wasn’t even
sure who was making which noises.
Before he knew it, Arthur was on his hands and knees and Merlin was fucking him
roughly and quickly from behind, panting and planting little kisses all along
Arthur’s sides and back. “Merlin,” Arthur moaned breathlessly. Merlin licked
and sucked at Arthur’s neck and ears, and then Arthur flipped onto his back,
and Merlin continued fucking into him, whimpering. This felt so good. Merlin’s
mind was numb to all but the pure pleasure. Both his hands were clasped in
Arthur’s, and Merlin held onto them as he kissed his way down Arthur’s chest to
his stomach.
Merlin reached Arthur’s cock, and suddenly he paused, the fear and disgust
rushing back in a flood, and it was like Merlin was hit. His eyes watered, and
he felt like a girl, always crying. Arthur was unaware of his sudden panic
attack and instead grabbed his hair, moaning. “Merlin.” Arthur said his name so
tenderly, so soft. And just like that, all rational thought skittered away
again, lost to the wind, and Merlin grabbed hungrily at Arthur’s cock with his
mouth, shutting his eyes in absolute bliss as he sucked, distinctly unaware of
the tears rolling down his cheeks.
 
When they awoke, Arthur dragged them both back to his chambers for a bath
(Merlin had to prepare it, of course). As they bathed together, Merlin was hard
the entire time. He sat with his back right up against Arthur’s chest in the
cramped tub, and feeling Arthur’s erection pressed into him was driving him
insane. They chattered and joked, playing with the bubbles and water, splashing
one another now and then.
Arthur finally settled down and hugged him, resting his chin on Merlin’s
shoulder. “You’ll be mopping up the puddles after our bath.”
“Prat,” Merlin said, smiling at his prince and gently butting their heads
together. Arthur pressed a firm kiss on his cheek and Merlin blushed, feeling
that familiar rush in his gut that he could never pinpoint. He hated when that
happened, because then he was left utterly confused.
Merlin shifted his body around to Arthur and leaned in close to his neck and
chest, smiling when Arthur traced doodles on his skin. “I love you,” Merlin
said, blinking up at the older man through his long lashes.
“I love you too,” Arthur said, bending his head to kiss at Merlin’s mouth.
Merlin instinctively opened for him, allowing Arthur’s tongue in. Shutting his
eyes, he kissed back. Merlin loved Arthur’s tongue in his mouth. He didn’t know
why, it was just the most beautiful sensation. Almost as good as sex, but just
in a different way, and without the guilt and disgust that came with it.
Soon they were all over each other, kissing and panting and rutting their cocks
against one another in the tiny tub. Only when they broke apart did Merlin
fully come to terms with the fact that their cocks had been touching. Shame
coursed through him again. “We’re getting a little out of hand,” he coughed,
subtly distancing himself from Arthur.
“Right, there’s more water on my floor than in this tub,” Arthur observed,
amused. He stepped out of the tub, offering a hand to Merlin. Merlin happily
took it. His hand in Arthur’s. Yes, that felt good too. That felt right. And,
like with the kissing, Merlin didn’t know why.
They helped wipe each other down. Arthur snuck a kiss to Merlin’s cock when he
wasn’t looking, and Merlin yelped in surprise. He refused to admit to himself
that it had felt good, and Arthur wasn’t going to fuck him again for at least a
few hours, surely, so Merlin talked himself into letting it slide. He had to
try not to get angry at these little things.
Finally they were dressed, and Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand, the two walking
and bantering endlessly throughout the castle. Merlin loved these moments with
Arthur-- when they didn’t have to do anything sexual and he could just be with
his best friend and hold hands.
During a long council meeting that evening, Arthur sat behind Merlin on the
bench, arms wrapped snugly around his belly as Merlin dozed off. He had to
shake Merlin awake once when his snoring got too loud, and Merlin had been
mildly embarrassed, but more amused than anything. “Told you I didn’t want to
come,” he complained.
“Shut up Merlin. I’d miss you if you weren’t here.” Arthur nuzzled his nose
into Merlin’s sweet smelling hair, and Merlin laughed softly.
“Stop, that tickles!”
They were quickly silenced by a death glare from Uther.
After the meeting, Arthur led a very sleepy Merlin down a secluded hall and had
his way with him before sending, now a disgruntled, slightly dazed, and very
angry Merlin, back to his room.
Merlin was about to open the door to his family’s chambers when he heard fast
footsteps approaching behind him. Merlin’s eyes widened when he saw that it was
Hunith. “Mum, what are you doing up so late?”
His mother’s eyes were wild and glistening with tears as she opened the door
and ushered him inside. Once she locked the door, she turned back to him.
“Merlin, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you--?” Merlin was confused.
“I heard what was going on back there. With Arthur.” Hunith’s voice was
trembling. “You two look so happy all the time, so in love, I had no idea he
was still doing this to you.”
Merlin’s stomach dropped. “No, mum, it’s alright--.”
“This isn’t alright!” she interrupted. “I’m telling your father. You’re a man
now, Merlin. You can take care of yourself, and you have magic. Very powerful
magic. There is no reason you can’t leave Camelot. You can escape the cards
that life has dealt for you.”
Merlin’s eyes widened. “You want me to run away?”
Hunith took her son’s face in both hands. “Yes, Merlin. Escape to another
king’s lands. Take on a different identity, do whatever you need to do. And
don’t ever come back. You deserve so much more than this, Merlin. Before, you
were only a small child and still needed your father and I. But you can survive
on your own now.”
“But,” Merlin shook his head, his mind reeling. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, dear. Leave this all behind.”
“What will happen to you? To father?”
After a short pause, Hunith assured him, “We’ll be okay. But you can’t live
like this. I will not allow it. You’ve suffered enough for an imaginary crime
you didn’t commit. And if Arthur behaves like this now, I fear even after
Uther’s death you shall not be free. I will not let this be the sole purpose of
my son’s life! You must go. Your father and I can take care of ourselves.”
Then, from the corner of Merlin’s field of vision, a shadow crossed over into
the tiny kitchen.
“Your mother is right, Merlin.” Balinor stared Merlin straight in the eyes.
“Go. Don’t worry about us.”
“Then… come with me,” Merlin pleaded.
Balinor shook his head. “Camelot is our home and where we belong. We shall die
here just as we have always lived. You, however, were always meant for greater
things. You cannot stay.”      
 
Three days later, right before Merlin was to make his escape from Camelot,
Arthur grabbed him and sucked him off by the castle walls. Merlin fisted a
bunch of Arthur’s hair in his hands, trying his best not to moan, and failing
miserably. By the time he came, they were both in the grass. Merlin’s back was
still to the wall, and Arthur was crouched before him, licking the last of
Merlin’s come off the tip of his throbbing cock. Then Arthur sat up and tried
kissing Merlin’s mouth, but Merlin squirmed his head away.
“I am not kissing you when you have my fluids all over your mouth,” Merlin
chuckled, gently reaching up to wipe the last remaining traces of it from
Arthur’s lips.
“Mhhm,” Arthur hummed, smiling indulgently.
Once Merlin finished cleaning Arthur’s lips off, Arthur nuzzled into his neck,
and Merlin lay down, enjoying the warm sun on his face and Arthur’s sweet-
smelling, warm, and still-panting body next to his. Arthur was beginning to
doze off.
Merlin almost let himself slip into a gentle slumber with him, but then he
suddenly remembered: the escape plan! How could he almost forget such a thing?
And it was only then that he really came to terms with the fact that this was
going to be the last he’d ever see his best friend. A cold chill shot down his
spine.
“Hey, prat,” Merlin whispered. In response, Arthur squeezed his hand. “I love
you,” Merlin murmured into his ear, and his voice nearly broke. “I’ll love you
no matter how much of a clotpole you are. And…” Merlin paused, fighting the
tears that were threatening to spill over and never stop falling. “...I’ll keep
loving you. No matter how many years may pass by.”
Arthur smiled, eyes still closed and squeezing Merlin’s hand tighter. “I know
Merlin. I love you too. Always.”
Merlin nodded, tears springing to his eyes as he smiled. He quickly dabbed them
away, thankful Arthur’s eyes were closed.
Merlin waited a while longer until he was sure Arthur was fully asleep. Then he
got up quietly and walked away as fast as he could. He couldn’t help feeling
that, with every step, he was leaving a part of his very soul behind.
Merlin reached Hunith and Balinor, very aware that he stunk of sex. They
exchanged glances, but otherwise said nothing and instead helped him on his
horse.
After they said their goodbyes, Balinor handed Merlin a crude yellowed map.
“Follow the path I mapped out for you. It will lead you to the next kingdom
over.”
“Right,” Merlin said, nodding. He chewed at his bottom lip and his nervous
fingers wouldn’t stop playing with the reins.  
“You can do this, son,” Balinor smiled up at him, and then stepped aside to let
Merlin go.
Merlin rode a few paces forward, his grip on the horse’s reins tightening.
Then he turned back to look at his parents.
“I can’t,” he said at last.
“Of course you can, Merlin, you’re strong,” Hunith said.
“No, I can’t leave Arthur,” Merlin mumbled, choking with pent up tears. Was he
about to cry in front of his own parents? He really was such a girl, like
Arthur always said.
“Stop this foolishness, Merlin,” Balinor said, face growing stern. “Get going.
You won’t have long until nightfall.”
“I can’t.” Merlin got off his horse. “Mum, dad, you don’t understand. Arthur is
my best friend. Friends don’t leave one another.” Even to his own ears, his
reasoning sounded pathetic.
“Friends don’t rape friends either!” Balinor exclaimed, mortified that his son
had seemingly forgotten all about that.
Merlin flinched.
“No, father, you don’t understand. He’s always forced me to do.. those things,
those horrible things, against my will. And every single time, I hate it so
much. He’s caused me to loathe a certain part of myself almost as much as I
hate that part of him, but it’s the way he’s always been, it’s all I’ve ever
known since I was a little boy. And so, mum, dad, I know it sounds disgusting
and terrible, but... I think I’ve learned to love him... through it all.”
Merlin had begun crying, wiping at his eyes fruitlessly.
I can’t escape him. He’s my entire world. He’s everywhere, and he’s always been
everywhere. He’s in my dreams, he’s the first and last thing on my mind every
single day. Everything about him, his voice, his laughter, his smile, I love. I
love him. And I don’t know why, but I do. I love him more than I love anything
or anyone in this entire world.
“If I were to part from him, I might as well… I might as well just die!”
Merlin’s parents stared at him, shocked into a temporary silence.
“How could this have happened? How did you manage to fall in love with someone
who’s done all this to you?” Balinor finally choked out.
Merlin blinked in dismay. “I’m not in love!” he snapped. “That’s disgusting!
Arthur’s my best friend. Why would I feel that way about him?” He trembled,
humiliated that his father would even think such a thing about him. As Merlin
looked from his father to his mum, he saw that both were staring at him with
astonished, confused faces.
“Think what you want. I’m not in love with another man!” Merlin’s face burned
red with embarrassment as he shoved the map back into Balinor’s hands and
basically stomped away into the forest.
“Merlin!” Balinor called.
Merlin stopped, slowly turning back to face his father. He could feel himself
trembling, and his eyes stung with fresh tears.
“You really prefer your life with Arthur over a life of freedom?”
Merlin bit his lip.
His entire world didn’t revolve around Arthur. Arthur was his entire world. “H-
he’ll be wondering where I am when he wakes up.” Merlin didn’t meet his
father’s eyes.
I should go.
He'd meant to say that out loud, but the words never left his mouth as he
turned and ran instead. He ran until he couldn’t run anymore, and then he
collapsed into a stream.
Had he really just done that? Had he really just thrown away his freedom for a
fucking stuck-up brat who couldn’t even clean up after himself and who, at the
very least, raped him twice a day? Merlin shuddered, then vomited into the
stream.
That morning, hell, just right before he’d gotten on that horse, he’d been so
prepared to leave. He’d been ready to go.
What happened?
When the moment came, he just couldn’t do it. It was like there was a force
greater than gravity keeping him from leaving Arthur. Was this what real love
felt like?
Merlin washed his face in the stream, then got up and headed back towards the
castle. Before he reached its gates, he saw Arthur riding towards him. “Where
have you been?” Arthur asked, voice frantic.
Such a prince in shining armor, wasn’t he, Merlin thought dryly. “Out,” he
grumbled as he continued walking.
“I had the strangest dream,” Arthur said, riding alongside him.
“Really,” Merlin said, sounding quite uninterested.
“Really.” Arthur rode his horse in front of Merlin to stop him from going any
further. “Get on, Merlin.”
Merlin muttered to himself as he climbed up in front of Arthur. Arthur smiled,
gleefully and irrationally happy at being so close to Merlin again, and hugged
him gently. “Someone’s in a mood,” Arthur murmured into his ear.
“Ah, you noticed. Would you like a gold star now, your highness?”
“Merlin, what’s wrong,” Arthur asked, jabbing him in the ribs.
“Oi!” Merlin yelped, shoving back. Arthur chuckled and kissed Merlin’s cheek.
“Now, about my dream.” Damn prat didn’t even wait for my response, Merlin
thought. Why did he decide to stay again? He had half a mind to ride out for
the neighboring lands bright and early the very next morning.  
“It scared the hell out of me,” Arthur went on, riding towards the gates with
Merlin still sulking in his arms. “I has this awful dream that you went away
and I never saw you again.” Merlin stiffened. “And then when I woke up, you
really were gone. And you’d usually still be sleeping next to me. Merlin, I
panicked and nearly went crazy searching for you. I even sent out a few patrols
to look for you.”
Merlin’s heart pounded loudly in his ears. Arthur had actually dreamt of this.
Of him and the escape plan. “You’d hate for me to leave you, wouldn’t you,”
Merlin murmured, trying hard to sound teasing while fervently hoping his voice
didn’t quiver. Maybe that’s why Merlin had stayed. Maybe he could sense
Arthur’s distress and couldn’t bear to leave him.
Or maybe he did just love the clotpole that much.
“Of course I would hate it,” Arthur said quietly.
They’d reached the stables and Arthur helped Merlin off the horse. He wrapped
his arms around Merlin’s waist and pressed their noses together. “I love you
Merlin. No one could ever replace you. If you disappeared… well, I’d spend all
the days of my life missing you and searching for you.”
Merlin’s breathing hitched as he felt that strange feeling in his stomach
again. “I love you too, Arthur.” Suddenly he really wanted Arthur to kiss his
mouth. No, did he? No, Merlin realized he must be confused. He wanted Arthur to
kiss his cheek, in a brotherly way.
Arthur stared into his eyes for a long while, seemingly lost in them, and then
leaned in and took his mouth in a deep kiss. Merlin whimpered into it and
grabbed onto Arthur’s neck and shoulder.
“My chambers, now,” Arthur said breathily, dragging Merlin towards the castle
entrance. Merlin tugged back. “Why can’t we ever just end the night with a nice
dinner or a sweet cuddle session?” Merlin growled as he tried to pull away.
“Wouldn’t that suit you since you’re in love with me?”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Don’t say it like it’s unrequited.”
“It is. How many times do I have to tell you I’m not in love with you?”
Arthur stopped walking and shoved Merlin roughly up against the wall. “You are
in love with me. You’re just too much of an idiot to see that.”
Merlin huffed angrily. “Telling me what to do isn’t enough, yeah? Now you’re
trying to tell me how I feel?” He stomped on Arthur’s foot with all his might.
“OW!” Arthur yelped, giving Merlin time to run.
And run he did. After a long chase and a few whispered spells, Merlin finally
managed to lose him. He snuck into the attic of the castle and hid behind some
bales of hay. Huffing, face red, he sat there a moment to catch his breath.
Yes! He grinned to himself. Tonight would be his first night without having to
fuck Arthur. Merlin crawled onto some of the hay on the floor and made himself
comfortable, then curled up and fell asleep.
 
He was woken with a rough jab in the arse. Arthur’s angry face loomed down at
him, illuminated by the moon’s glow.
Merlin hid his fear by grinning cheekily up at him. “You found me! You know, I
haven’t played hide-and-seek in forever. It really was one of my favorite--”
“MERLIN!” Arthur growled.
“Yes, sire?”
“Shut up.”
“Of course,” Merlin nodded.
Arthur sighed and slumped down in the hay next to him. Merlin scrambled into a
sitting position and looked down at him, not sure what to say. They sat
together in silence for a long while.
“Do you really hate having sex with me that much?” Arthur asked. Merlin thought
he looked kind of offended.
“I don’t want to have sex,” Merlin said, eyes downcast.
“With… me,” Arthur specified sullenly.
Why was this so hard? Merlin rolled his eyes and looked down at Arthur,
sighing. “Look Arthur, you’re my best friend. I’m not in love with you. I’m
just… not gay.”
Arthur narrowed his eyes. “Then who do you like?”
Merlin looked out the tiny attic window. “No one.”
“I don’t believe that. Tell me,” Arthur said, leaning in closer. When Merlin
still didn’t reply, Arthur rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to
plunder her or have her beheaded, I just want to know.”
Merlin could definitely hear a hint of jealousy in Arthur’s tone. He turned to
look at his best friend. Arthur was staring at him again, the kind of adoring
stare that could knock the breath out of him sometimes. “I really don’t like
anyone at the moment,” Merlin said, beginning to smile in spite of himself.
Arthur just had that effect on him.
The Prince scooted closer. Suddenly Merlin was beginning to feel a little too
warm. Was it hot in that attic, or was it just him?
“At the moment? So who did you used to like?” Arthur asked.
Merlin scratched his head. “No one. I never liked anyone. Ever.”
“Liar,” Arthur said, wrestling Merlin down into the soft hay. “Tell me, or
you’ll get it!”
Merlin laughed breathlessly as he tried to knock Arthur off. “No! I’ve never
liked anyone, I swear!” The proximity of Arthur was beginning to do things to
his body again. In a panic, Merlin spun onto his knees and tried to sit up.
Arthur knocked him back down again, his chest to Merlin’s back. “Liar.” The
Prince’s breath was hot in Merlin’s ear, and Merlin swallowed thickly.
“No one,” he said, his voice a notch too husky. Shit. Arthur stiffened, then
crushed Merlin down completely into the straw. “Fuck Merlin, you’re already
hard.”
Merlin was hard. And he was going dizzy with it. “Arthur, just leave me alone.”
But Arthur wasn’t going to. No, of course not. Instead he slid a hand up into
Merlin’s shirt, touching his chest and nipples and then his belly. Merlin’s
belly was so sensitive. Arthur sat right behind him on the straw and leaned
over into Merlin’s back, forcing Merlin’s arms to shoot out to brace himself as
he hunched over. “I love you,” Arthur breathed.
Merlin was so hard he had to pause for a bit to try to find his voice. “Love
yuh,” he managed, swallowing. Arthur leaned away from him and Merlin could hear
the Prince undressing. Merlin shut his eyes tight. Happy thoughts, think happy
thoughts.
Arthur took Merlin’s shirt and pulled it up and over him, then started on
Merlin’s breeches. Merlin whined, a high pitched noise escaping him. Once they
were both naked, Arthur sat behind him and just hugged him.
“Tell me about your past crushes. You must have had some,” Arthur said. Oh
thank goodness, he was still on that.
“Erm, no, I didn’t have any.” Merlin turned his head to look at Arthur’s
perfect face. “I was forced to fuck you every day, so romance was really the
last thing on my mind.”
Arthur’s face lit up with surprise. “Oh.”
Both men fell silent for a long moment after that.
Then Arthur spoke up again.
“Merlin?”
“Hm?”
“Do you… like kissing me?”
Merlin looked up into his prince’s face and saw such fragility in his eyes. It
was so unlike Arthur that Merlin couldn’t bring himself to lie. He turned so
that his entire body was facing Arthur. “Yes,” he whispered. “I don’t know why
I do, but, Arthur, your kisses feel like the most perfect thing to me... They
feel like coming home.”
Arthur hugged Merlin close to him. “So you’ve felt that, too.” Merlin could
feel Arthur’s smile in his hair.
He nodded, blushing. “I can’t believe I just told you that, though,” Merlin
admitted, flustered. “Sounds gay, I know, but I swear, I’m straight.”
He winced internally as he thought back to what he said about the kissing. That
did sound really gay, didn’t it? What kind of best friend even said something
like that? Merlin cursed himself.
Arthur laughed softly into his hair. “I’m sure you’re straight,” he said,
gently rubbing at Merlin’s left cheekbone. “I am, too.”
Merlin eyed him disbelievingly. “Then why do you keep having sex with me? I
know you always call me a girl, but you do realize I’ve actually got male
genitals?”   
Arthur laughed, kissing Merlin’s cheek, which sent a thrill through him. “Of
course you do, Merlin. I of all people would know that.” Arthur pinched
Merlin’s inner thigh.
“Ow!!” He slapped Arthur’s shoulder in retaliation.
Ignoring him, Arthur went on, “It’s just that, you’re the only man I’ve ever
been attracted to. Otherwise, I like women.”
“‘Arthur Pendragon, the Prince who is Straight-Except-For-Merlin!’ Just my
luck, really,” Merlin exclaimed in disbelief. “I can’t believe this. Really.
What were the chances?”
Arthur grinned, leaning back on his arms. “Kiss me, Merlin.”
“What?”
“You said my kisses felt like home. So come here and kiss me! Because your
kisses are my sky,” Arthur grinned sappily, waggling his eyebrows teasingly.
Merlin rolled his eyes, though he was already starting to get clammy and
anxious. “I’d rather not,” he said uneasily.
“Merlin.” Arthur glared at him.
Merlin cleared his throat, then leaned in towards Arthur. Except since Arthur
was leaning back on his arms, it meant Merlin would have to clamber all over
his legs and hips just to get to his lips, and the prat wasn’t about to lean in
any closer. Damn him. As Merlin proceeded, he was excruciatingly careful to
keep his crotch from touching any part of Arthur’s legs. Arthur grinned up at
him. He hardly ever made Merlin kiss him first.
Merlin nervously leaned in, then backed out at the last minute and went for
Arthur’s cheeks. Arthur grunted in surprise, but otherwise did nothing. Merlin
sucked on his cheeks and licked at them, already feeling his cock swell. He
kissed and sucked closer to Arthur’s mouth. Arthur watched everything, his eyes
brimming with contentment and pure joy as he practically purred under Merlin’s
gentle sucking. Merlin kissed down Arthur’s throat and felt his arms grabbing
on tighter to Arthur’s sides. Fuck, if he wasn’t careful he was going to lose
it.
Merlin kissed his way back up to Arthur’s chin, and then finally, he gently
pecked Arthur’s lips. Arthur sighed happily, parting them for Merlin. Merlin
whined eagerly as he pushed in, and really, time seemed to stop. He kissed
Arthur, getting on top of him and sucking at his tongue and mouth and lips. He
didn’t notice his erection rubbing over and over again at Arthur’s. He crushed
Arthur down into the hay and kept kissing him, his pre-come and Arthur’s
dribbling all over each other. Merlin moaned when Arthur bucked his hips up,
and Merlin ground his hips down.
His eyes blurred over at the constant wave of pleasure that coursed through
him, and his body moved all on it’s own. His mind was lost in the kiss, and his
body needed Arthur. He rubbed against Arthur, thrusting again and again, until
the pleasure was unbearable. Finally, with a sob, Merlin broke the kiss as he
came all over Arthur. Arthur came right after. Merlin was shaking, his eyes
still blurry and his mind even foggier.
Did he just--? NO, no no, why? Merlin was wrecked still from his orgasm, and he
looked down at Arthur, who was laying panting in the straw. Merlin was getting
another panic attack. He had to get out of there, now. He shook as he grabbed
his clothes.
“Merlin..” Arthur said, taking his arm. Merlin hastily pried Arthur’s fingers
off, not wanting any part of him. “Merlin,” Arthur said again, hoarsely, more
desperate. Hurt was clear in his voice. “Please. Don’t go.”
Merlin froze, pausing to look back at his best friend. Arthur was looking at
Merlin with huge, sad eyes. “I need you.” His voice was soft and quiet and
pleading. “I know I’m the last to talk, but. Please don’t fuck me like that and
then just.. run away.”
Merlin stared into his eyes, feeling his heart melting away piece by piece.
Arthur was just going to take it all, wasn’t he? Arthur was going to strip
everything from Merlin, until he had nothing left for himself.
“At least pretend you want me,” Arthur whispered, sounding crushed as he put an
arm over his eyes.  
Merlin’s heart was thudding in his chest. In a flash, he found himself back by
Arthur’s side again. He couldn’t even remember consciously making the decision
to move his legs. “I do want you, you clotpole.”
Arthur removed his arm from his eyes, looking up at Merlin hopefully. “You were
going to leave.”
Merlin took Arthur in a desperate hug and entwined their legs together. Arthur
leaned into the embrace, breathing Merlin in deeply, and pushed his head into
Merlin’s chest.
“Merlin, I love you.” He wrapped an arm around Merlin’s waist, and somehow he
looked smaller than he’d ever looked. Merlin leaned down and kissed Arthur on
the cheek, tightening his hold.
“I love you too Arthur, and I’ll never walk away from you. Not really.” Merlin
whispered the last two words. It was hard to believe that this had been the day
he’d planned on leaving his best friend forever. Friends didn’t leave friends.
“Arthur, you’re my entire world.”
Arthur smiled, his eyes closed. Merlin rolled onto his belly and watched
Arthur, leaning in as close as he could.
“I didn’t know that,” Arthur said at last. He opened his eyes to watch Merlin
curiously. “Is that what you say to all your best friends?”
“That’s what I say to you,” Merlin whispered. “Just you.”
Merlin grabbed at a nearby raggedy blanket and wrapped it around them. Arthur
stared at him a while longer.
“Stay with me forever?” Arthur asked shyly, braiding his hand with Merlin’s.
Holding hands with Arthur was one of his favorite things in the entire world.
“Yes.”
Merlin said this with absolution and no hesitation. Like it was something he’d
always known to be true. Like it just was, and nothing could ever change it.
Arthur’s perfect face cracked into the most beautiful, relieved smile, and
Merlin had to chuckle to himself.
They fell asleep soon after that, and Merlin couldn’t help thinking that
falling asleep with Arthur was definitely up there with holding hands.
 
The next morning, Arthur delivered Merlin back to his parents. When he walked
in, he saw that they were in the middle of having breakfast, but Hunith stood
up immediately.
“Merlin, where have you been? Your father and I were worried sick about you.
You just walked away and we didn’t know what happened to you. And you didn’t
come home yesterday.”
Merlin bit his lip, feeling suddenly very guilty. He’d failed them, he knew
that. “Mum, dad, you didn’t have to worry. I, erm, I spent the night somewhere
else.” He fidgeted in place, eyes everywhere but at them. He knew he smelled of
sex again, which wasn’t an unusual thing, but now that his parents knew the
real circumstances, it was so much more humiliating.
They stared at him as if he were crazy. Crazy for staying in such a situation
when he had a clear way out. And crazy for saying that he loved Arthur.
“I’m going to take a bath,” he muttered, hurrying away from them. He needed to
wash the smell off. It was everywhere-- in his hair, clothes, ears, basically
marinated into his skin. He shivered as he washed, scrubbing himself raw. He
hated the smell of sex. It made him want to peel off all his skin and just burn
it all.
Once he got out and dressed, Merlin awkwardly trudged into the tiny kitchen,
wishing he could be invisible (note to self: get to work on that spell). Hunith
already had his oatmeal set on the table for him, and Merlin ate quickly.
She watched him for a bit, then sat on the kitchen bench with him, placing a
gentle hand on his arm. “Eat slower, honey, you’ll upset your stomach.”
Merlin nodded, not looking at her. “Sorry.”
He continued eating, this time, much too slowly apparently, because he thought
he heard his mother sigh exasperatedly.
After a long moment, she finally spoke. “You don’t have to live like this.”
Merlin flinched. Here it goes. The lecturing he knew he probably needed.
“You may love Arthur, but does he love you? The way he treats you is not the
way you treat your loved ones.”
Merlin looked down at his half empty bowl, then up at his mother. “He loves me
in his own way, mum. His own stupid, prattish, imbecilic way.”
Hunith ran her hand down Merlin’s cheek and ears. “Do you truly believe that?”
Merlin managed a small smile. “Yes.” He looked down again. “I’m his, all his to
do with as he wishes.”
I may not like what he does with me, I may downright hate it, but I’m his
forever, and I can’t walk away. Not anymore. I’m in too deep.
Merlin’s eyes began to redden. How can I walk away when it feels like he’s
literally my other half? When it feels like I was put here for him, and him
only?
 
Another year passed.
Merlin was nineteen. Arthur was twenty four.
 
Merlin walked out from behind the bath curtain in Arthur’s room, a small white
towel around his waist, and another towel in his hands, drying his hair off.
Arthur lay on the bed, shirtless and eyeing him up and down. Merlin’s semi-wet
hair stuck up in all the right places and his slim body was toned and muscled.
“You really are all grown up, aren’t you Merlin?”
Merlin grinned. “I’ve been grown for a few years now.”
Arthur cocked his head, still looking speculative. “No, you’ve gotten more
muscle on you now. You used to be a stick.”
Merlin beamed. “Thanks for noticing. I’ve been working on them.”
“Have you?” Arthur raised an unbelieving eyebrow.
“‘Course,” Merlin said, pulling a face. “You’re not the only one who bothers
about staying in shape around here.”
Arthur scowled, getting up.
Immediately Merlin stiffened and turned away, trying to find some clothing in
the wardrobe as fast as possible. Arthur grabbed his arm and spun him around.
Merlin smiled playfully but avoided eye contact. Arthur must’ve sensed his
distress though, because he sighed. “Don’t worry, I just want to see your
muscles in the light.” The Prince was obviously trying hard to keep from eye
rolling.
Merlin begrudgingly allowed himself to be pulled away from the wardrobe.
“You’re very beautiful,” Arthur said, running his hands down Merlin’s chest,
feeling all the relatively new muscles underneath his skin.
Merlin didn’t speak, holding his breath instead. Arthur ran light fingers down
Merlin’s abs, then traced the dark trail of hair on his belly. Merlin stiffened
and swallowed, biting the bottom of his lip as he tried not to shiver. Arthur
traced the hair all the way down until the towel met his fingers. Merlin’s cock
was doing a number, and bulged out of his towel, straining to poke out onto his
belly, but Merlin didn’t allow that, pulling his towel taut instead. Arthur
stared at the bulge hungrily, and Merlin looked away, ashamed. He lightly
pulled away from his best friend’s grasp and turned towards the wardrobe again,
but Arthur hooked an arm around his belly, and Merlin whimpered. “Merlin, I
want you to masterbate for me.”
His eyes widened. “No, no way. You’re out of your mind.” He tried to pull free,
but Arthur was already roughhousing him towards the bed. “Nnngh!” Merlin
protested, struggling to keep his towel on. When they got to the bed, Arthur
shoved him onto the mattress and grabbed at the towel. The two had a brief tug-
of-war before Arthur finally yanked it completely out of Merlin’s grasp and
made a point to fling it all the way across the room. He gave Merlin a pointed
look, and Merlin scoffed loudly, though his cock was already seriously hard and
yearning for a warm body.
“Okay, start,” Arthur said, waving a hand at Merlin and sitting criss-cross-
apple-sauced on the bed.
“What, just like that?” Merlin asked, his face reddening.
“Yeah, just pretend I’m not here.”
Arthur’s damn smile seemed to be widening all the more every second and Merlin
had a mind to just slap it right off his achingly perfect face. Instead, he
opted for something a little less likely to get him thrown in the stocks.
“Well, okay,” Merlin said, matter of factly getting off the bed and fetching
his towel.
“Where are you going?” Arthur demanded.
“Well, since that bane of my life Arthur Pendragon isn’t here, I’ll just get
dressed and--”
“Merlin, get over here!” Arthur chucked a pillow at his head.
“Ow! Where did that come from?” Merlin rubbed at the spot it had hit, and then
grabbed a shirt.
“PUT THAT DOWN!!” Arthur shot over, promptly tackling Merlin. The younger man
yelped in shock as his face smushed awkwardly into the wall, and then Arthur
ripped the shirt out of Merlin’s hands and bit his neck, hard.
That was totally unexpected, so Merlin couldn’t really blame himself for making
a noise like a startled goat and, at the same time, smacking Arthur right
across the face. The slap was almost as loud as his shriek.
“FUCK!” Arthur shouted. He groaned as he slid off naked Merlin and onto the
floor. Merlin’s eyes widened and he had to hold back a guffaw. He hastily put
his towel back on and bent down, holding Arthur’s face in both hands.
“Let me see, I’m so sorry!” Merlin said between bouts of laughter. Ooh, yes, it
was very bad. There was actually a distinct impression of his hand on Arthur’s
face.
“This isn’t funny,” Arthur spat, though he was already beginning to go lax with
Merlin’s gentle touch.
“You deserved it, you know, for acting like me putting on some clothes was the
worst thing in the entire world.” Merlin cleared his throat as he tried not to
laugh.
Arthur roughly shoved Merlin away, going back towards his bed. “Get over here,”
he huffed as he sank into his mattress. Merlin grinned and walked over, looking
far too happy for the present situation. Arthur rolled his eyes.
In his joyous mood, Merlin plopped right down on Arthur’s lap. If Arthur began
blushing furiously, Merlin didn’t notice. Merlin hugged his neck instead and
nuzzled into the burned cheek, placing multiple, fluttering kisses on it.
“Sorry, sorry,” Merlin murmured all the while, his voice a little more serious
than before (well, ok fine, he still sounded like he wanted to laugh himself
into tomorrow, but he tried, for Arthur’s sake). “I didn’t mean to hit you that
hard.”
Merlin shifted back to look Arthur in the face. Arthur was smiling contentedly
now, large blue eyes wide with affection as he basked in Merlin’s attentions.
“I know,” the Prince said softly, leaning his face into Merlin’s. Merlin
chuckled quietly and touched their noses together. This time it was his turn to
blush.
They stayed that way a moment more, reveling in each other’s touch and warmth,
before Arthur inevitably pushed Merlin off his lap and onto the bed. “Now touch
yourself.”
Merlin opened his mouth to protest, but Arthur put a finger up. “And don’t be a
smartass this time.”
Merlin jut his lips out in a frown. “I don’t touch myself.”
“Don’t be ridiculous Merlin, everyone touches themselves.”
“Not me,” Merlin said, looking up at the ceiling.
“Well then, start!” Arthur said, exasperated.
“It’s gross,” Merlin said, fidgeting on his bottom.
“You. Will. Touch. Yourself,” Arthur glowered, yanking the towel right out from
under him and putting Merlin’s hand on his cock.
Merlin grumbled angrily. “Fine, fine! You’re such a prat!” He grabbed his cock
and began jacking off, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at Arthur
watching him doing something so humiliating. His mind went blank the moment he
shut his eyes, and jacking off really didn’t feel like anything to him. He
internally scoffed. This was what everyone did in their free time? What a joke.
It felt… well, that’s the thing, it didn’t feel like anything.
After a while longer, Arthur spoke. “You’re not getting hard.”
Merlin opened one eye. “Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, I know.”
“Why not?” Arthur looked baffled.
Merlin shrugged, his lips curling up into a triumphant grin. “I don’t know, how
do you get off on this? I don’t understand.” Merlin continued at it, closing
his eyes and humming. He didn’t feel a thing, and that was completely alright
with him.
“What are you thinking about?” Arthur pressed, sounding torn between being
angry and being too puzzled to be upset.
“Um. Nothing,” Merlin replied, continuing humming with his eyes closed.
Arthur shifted on the bed. “Can you… think of.. me?” he asked.
Merlin opened both eyes and looked at him, hands still jerking lazily up and
down on his slender cock. For a moment it seemed he was going to ignore Arthur,
but then he at last nodded warily, cautiously. “Okay.” He shut his eyes again,
this time picturing Arthur. He imagined Arthur’s pretty face and blue eyes.
Merlin smiled. Arthur was very pretty, wasn’t he? Merlin thought about
everything Arthur meant to him and how much he loved him. “What are you
thinking about now?” Arthur groaned.
Merlin opened his eyes. “I’m thinking about you!” he glared. “What else?”
“You’re still not hard!” Arthur glared, as if this was entirely Merlin’s fault.
“It’s no fun watching your cock do absolutely nothing.”
“Good, then this is officially my new favorite sexual activity to do with you,”
Merlin grinned.
“Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur crossed his arms impatiently. “Continue.” He waved a
hand.
Merlin shrugged and did what he was told.
After a little while longer, Merlin groaned. “Can I stop? My hand is getting
tired, and I’m bored.”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Keep at it.”
“Fine, but I’m switching hands!”
“Fine!” Arthur huffed.
Merlin did switch hands, and shut his eyes again. This time he felt the bed
shift, and then he felt the heat of Arthur behind him. “Arthur, what are you
doing?” he asked, eyes still closed.
“Don’t stop moving,” Arthur commanded.
Merlin nodded, though now he was starting to get apprehensive. Suddenly
Arthur’s lips were on his neck, and he sucked in a deep breath, biting his
lips. He also noticed his cock had immediately hardened. Merlin could feel
Arthur’s smile. The prat had noticed, too. Of course he would.
“Keep going,” Arthur murmured. Merlin did, and Arthur continued sucking at his
neck, moving down to his shoulders.
Merlin whimpered softly, leaning away from Arthur’s intoxicating kisses. Arthur
was not one to be deterred, and he kept at it, kissing Merlin’s ears now, and
then sucking on his cheeks. Merlin’s hand moved at a steadying pace on his
cock, which was beginning to leak now.
Then, abruptly, Arthur pulled away. Instead of kissing, Arthur was now
whispering obscene things in Merlin’s ear. Merlin couldn’t get the images of
what Arthur was saying out of his head. His hand moved faster on his cock.
Arthur wouldn’t shut up. Then Arthur moaned and suckled on Merlin again, and
Merlin was panting hard, biting on his free hand to keep himself quiet.
Arthur moved away from him, and he heard the slippery sounds of Arthur’s hand
moving up and down on his own wet cock. Merlin groaned. Oh no. Arthur was
jacking off too. The smell of sex was beginning to dizzy him. “Open your eyes
and look at me,” Arthur said, his voice low.
Merlin’s eyes snapped open. The sight of Arthur was truly one to behold. Arthur
looked a naked, wrecked mess, tugging at his cock furiously and still managing
to smirk at Merlin. Merlin held his gaze, tugging on himself and not being able
to look away. “Arthur,” he panted helplessly. Arthur got up in a flash and
pinned Merlin to the bed. Merlin whined, making a high-pitched noise as he
struggled and writhed up against Arthur. Merlin didn’t know what he was trying
to do. His body just felt warm and hot all over, and he needed Arthur. Merlin
rutted up a couple times, his eyes glazed over. He blinked, trying to clear his
head, but it was impossible with Arthur’s naked form straddling his own naked
body. “Arthur, I’m so hard,” Merlin nearly sobbed.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” Arthur asked, grinding down into him.
“Yes!” Merlin cried, before realizing what he’d said. Ignoring the way Arthur’s
eyes immediately darkened, Merlin shook his head to hastily correct himself.
“Uhh, no, no, Arthur, Arthur, just let me finish myself off,” he begged
quietly, clutching at Arthur’s wrists. His hips bucked up involuntarily and he
squirmed onto his belly as he panted harshly.
Merlin buried his face into the mattress and cried. He was back in a nightmare.
Another panic attack. His heart boomed too loudly in his ears and he felt his
world tipping upside down. Tears rolled down his face as he sobbed, and Arthur
finally got off him. Merlin kept his face in the mattress for what felt like
forever, trying to stop the tears and calm down. Did Arthur actually stop? Or
was this a trick? Merlin slowly raised his head up to look at Arthur. Arthur
was sitting, frowning down at him. Shakily, Merlin got up. “I said, yes, you
can finish yourself off,” Arthur repeated. Apparently, in his distress, Merlin
hadn’t heard him the first time.
“I-I don’t feel like it anymore,” he said. The panic attack had completely
softened his cock. When Arthur narrowed his eyes, Merlin nearly jumped out of
his skin. “NO!” He threw his hands up, urgently motioning for Arthur to stay
where he was.
Arthur raised an eyebrow.
“No..” Merlin breathed, trembling. “Don’t. Don’t come over. I’ll, I’ll do it,
I’ll wank myself off, just, please, don’t move.”
Arthur raised up his hands defensively. “Goodness sakes Merlin, I won’t come
over there.”
Merlin continued taking deep breaths, then took ahold of his cock again. Okay,
he was going to get this over with. Fast. He jerked quickly, shutting his eyes
and thinking about Arthur. He thought about Arthur shoving him down into the
mattress and fucking the hell out of him. He thought about Arthur’s moans and
all the little sounds he made when they rolled around on the bed all night
long. He thought about Arthur’s cock, and the way it felt in his mouth. His
cock in Arthur’s. Fuck, Arthur’s hand on his cock. Finally Merlin arched his
spine and came, moaning Arthur’s name in the process.
When he opened his eyes, Arthur was staring at him, wide-eyed.
“You were thinking about me?” Arthur breathed, sounding incredulous and in awe.
Merlin would have laughed out loud if he hadn’t been feeling like slitting his
own throat right then. “Who else would I think about?” he snapped.
Then it hit him.
A girl. He could have been thinking about a girl. He should have been thinking
about a girl. “What have you turned me into?” he screamed, kicking Arthur right
off the bed. Arthur cried out in shock, and then cried out again when Merlin
stepped on him in his haste to grab something to cover himself.
Merlin grabbed a wool blanket and flung the chamber doors open, running off and
leaving a completely baffled and hurt Arthur on the floor.
Merlin flew down the dark halls and found himself at the library. Running in,
he didn’t stop until he got to the most secluded part of it. If Arthur dared
follow him in here, so help him, he was going to murder the guy.
Merlin slumped down behind a bookshelf and wrapped the blanket around his
shaking body. Then he started to cry.
Merlin was utterly confused and disgusted with himself. Why the fuck did
thinking about Arthur doing all that to him turn him on so much? Was he really
that sick and depraved?
He’s my best friend! And I thought of him that way, and he’s another man! And
he’s my rapist! Merlin was sobbing quietly to himself, in awe of how fucked up
his life was.
Screw it. He took out his cock and jerked viciously, forcing himself to think
about a pretty girl and doing things with her. Immediately he felt revolted.
“C’mon, fucking get off on this!” he growled. He kept thinking about it, the
sex, and suddenly his thoughts turned into him raping her and forcing her down.
His hand immediately flew off his cock as he cried out in terror.
“No! Arthur! What’ve you done to me!” Merlin slammed his head into the
bookshelf over and over again, screaming and crying.
“Merlin! Merlin!” Arthur’s voice was panicked as he rushed to Merlin’s side.
“Merlin, stop it!” Arthur shouted, shaking him roughly.
“Why is it you! Why is it always you! You’ve taken everything from me!” Merlin
screamed, trying to shake out of Arthur’s hold. “Get away from me! Stop! You’re
always getting inside my FUCKING HEAD, don’t you get that? You’ve fucking
ruined me, you’ve ruined everything!”
“Merlin!” Arthur was crying now, staring at Merlin in horror.
“I love you, I love you,” Merlin cried, grabbing onto Arthur and slipping
beautiful tender kisses all along his neck. Arthur stiffened and choked back a
sob. “I love you and that’s the problem.” Merlin’s naked body was rutting
against him now, rutting like crazy, and Arthur sat there like a statue until
Merlin came. And then Merlin cried harder, like he couldn’t believe he’d just
done that. Merlin rolled over and started bashing his head against the ground,
mumbling about how much he loved Arthur.
“Stop it!” Arthur yanked Merlin up and forced him to look at him. Merlin looked
up meekly into his best friend’s too familiar blue eyes. Arthur looked more
broken than Merlin ever saw him, and Merlin’s heart broke for him. “Arthur,
it’s okay,” he said, touching the bruise on Arthur’s cheek. “I’ll never leave
you.”
Arthur buried his face in Merlin’s neck, and the two cried together.
That night, Arthur raped him over and over. He eventually lost track of how
many times.
And Merlin never stopped crying.
 
When they woke up, it was already late in the afternoon. Arthur decided that,
after the rough night, fresh air would do Merlin some good. So that afternoon
(or what was left of it) was spent walking in cotton fields together.
“Arthur, look,” Merlin said, goofily sticking tufts of cotton in his nose and
ears. “Help me! I’m bleeding cotton! Gah! I’m going to dieeee!!!!!!” Merlin
fell face-flat onto the ground, crushing everything on his way down.
That sent the two spiraling off into their own little world of the cotton
zombie apocalypse. They tumbled and wrestled and laughed and joked, poking fun
at each other and occasionally holding hands.
Merlin walked up to Arthur, and for no reason in particular, hugged him in a
full embrace. His stomach felt queasy when he got a giant whiff of sex still in
Arthur’s hair.
For a moment the memories from last night came flooding back. His screams,
crying, Arthur forcing him down for the hundredth time that night. He
remembered at one point, the screams got so loud that a couple of guards rushed
in, only to hastily retreat when they saw who it was. He remembered every
single time Arthur raped him that night. Shame scorched him when he remembered
how he’d orgasmed every time. And the pure terror of being woken up again and
again to be raped. Arthur had never fucked him that many times in one night,
ever. He remembered sobbing and begging for Arthur to stop, but Arthur had been
relentless. He’d wanted to kill himself then. He’d wanted to end it all.
Arthur kissed him, and Merlin blinked, forcing himself to stop thinking about
last night. He reasoned that it was had been a one-time thing (or at least a
rare occurrence-- he could never be too sure with Arthur). And besides, Arthur
was his best friend. Best friends had to forgive each other.
Merlin moaned into the kiss. After last night, he was particularly sensitive
and couldn’t hold back. He knew Arthur could sense this.
Arthur fondled with his shirt, sliding his large hands up and down Merlin’s
chest and stomach. Merlin panted, his cock hard and already leaking in his
trousers. Merlin kept kissing him breathlessly as Arthur pushed him down into a
soft patch of grass away from the cotton stalks.
“Nnn.. Arthur,” Merlin breathed, helplessly trying to push Arthur away. Arthur
ignored him completely and ground down on Merlin’s cock with his own. Merlin
nearly choked on his spit and whimpered softly, squeezing his eyes shut as the
pleasure shot through his entire body. More, he needed-- oh, what was he
thinking? Merlin shook his head to clear his mind.
He pulled his lips away from Arthur’s and moaned loudly when Arthur thrust his
hips sharply. “Arthur!” Arthur kept moving, and Merlin fell back onto the
grass, his feet planted on the ground and his legs spread wide. Arthur kissed
Merlin’s neck and pushed his shirt up, kissing down his extremely sensitive
stomach and sucking down the dark trail of short hair. Merlin sucked in a
breath. This was going to be a repeat of last night. Of every night. Of every
day. A tear rolled down Merlin’s cheek and he looked up into the sky.
The sky was so bright and beautiful, spotted with such fluffy white clouds. He
could see the sun shining, and a few birds were flying easily in the breeze. It
was all so beautiful up there, when here he was, in the grass, about to be
ravaged by his crazed best friend. “I wish I was the sky,” he said out loud,
his voice sounding distant and far away to his own ears.
Arthur had been sucking at his hips, but when he spoke, the Prince stopped and
looked up at him. “And why is that?” he asked quietly.
Merlin kept his eyes on the sky, unable to look at him. “So I can always be
with you without you ever being able to hurt me,” he whispered, barely audible.
He was suddenly aware that tears were leaking from his eyes now.
Arthur stared at him for a long minute, then moved up from his hips to wrap
both arms around his waist, tucking his head under Merlin’s chin. “Thank you
for.. everything,” Arthur said, his voice low and almost sad.
Merlin looked down at him, seeing only the top of Arthur’s head. He ran his
fingers through Arthur’s soft hair, sighing. Arthur continued laying there,
letting the summer breeze sweep over them.
Eventually Arthur fell asleep, leaving Merlin to continue carding his fingers
through his hair and staring up at the sky.  
 
A few days later, Merlin was alone in his room, tossing and turning. He
couldn’t sleep, and… well, fine, whatever, he was horny. But it was definitely
not because Arthur had fucked him right before sending him back to his room,
and definitely not because it was all still running vibrantly clear through his
head. He’d been alone for well over an hour now, and he couldn’t actually still
be horny thinking about that, right?  
Merlin groaned, crushing his pillow over his head. No, he shouldn’t still be
thinking about it, but the images were driving him absolutely mad. And the
memory of Arthur’s panting and moaning. It was so vibrant he felt like someone
had stuck the memory in his head, forced it on repeat, and then turned the
volume all the way up. “Stop it, just shut up!” he hissed to himself as he
pulled the covers up over his head.
Damn, he was so horny. His cock was throbbing. Merlin kicked his sheets to the
side to look down at himself. He could see the shape of his cock clearly
through his trousers. He’d only ever masterbated that one time with Arthur...
No, he wouldn’t do it, he’d never forgive himself if he did.
Merlin flipped over onto his belly, trying to think of something else, but it
was no use. His cock continued to throb, and Merlin caught himself humping idly
at the mattress. He could still feel his best friend’s cock in his arse, the
way Arthur’s strong arms felt around his stomach as he held him up. How their
orgasms had completely wrecked them both. Merlin groaned into the pillow. He
was so incredibly turned on.
Merlin flipped to his back again, an arm over his eyes as he tried to calm
himself down. But his cock was thinking about other things, and it continued to
stay erect, begging for his attention. Merlin finally grabbed his pillow and
rubbed it over his throbbing length briefly but roughly, just to try to tone
down the ache. It didn’t work, and he tossed the pillow towards his feet. Shit,
he needed Arthur. He was so horny. Ugh, what was he thinking? He hated being
horny because then he thought things he didn’t really want.
Finally, after about another hour of laying there completely too horny to
think, Merlin sat up and grabbed at his cock, yanking it furiously, up and
down. He shut his eyes and tried his hardest not to think of anything, but
inevitably, with his mind turned on as fuck, he thought of how Arthur had
forced him down and fucked him until he screamed. Merlin’s eyes shut tight and
he moaned, panting. After a couple more strokes, Merlin took his free hand and
swiped at his juices, sucking on his sticky fingers. He moaned as he imagined
that it was Arthur’s cock instead. This finally drove him over the edge, his
come spurting wildly all over himself and his bed. Gasping, Merlin fell back
onto the mattress.
When he came to his senses, he turned onto his stomach and groaned loudly into
the bed. He swiped disgustedly at some come that he had on his face. Did he
really just masterabate to the memory of his last rape session? Merlin groaned
again, pushing his face further into the mattress.
Gross, he was gross, he was disgusting and Arthur was turning him into just as
big of a pervert as he was. Merlin shook. He was furious at himself and
morbidly disgusted and ashamed. He’d never felt the need to touch himself
before. Why the hell did he do it just then? Was that time Arthur had forced
him to masterbate coming back to haunt him? Had he really been so turned on by
it that he’d felt the subconscious need to have a fucking repeat? And why the
hell did Arthur turn him on so badly anyway? Arthur was a man and his best
friend. Everyone knew how wrong that was. And besides, Merlin was straight! His
anger and disgust threatened to overwhelm him, and he choked back a sob.
He buried his head in the mattress and eventually fell into a restless sleep.
That night, he dreamed about his life back before Arthur or the Great Purge.
Back when he didn’t have a care in the world.
 
It’d been months since that night, and Merlin couldn’t stop. Whenever he was
alone at night, which was once or twice a week (when Arthur didn’t feel the
need to hijack his bed or force Merlin to sleep in his chambers), he jerked
himself off to his last sexual encounter with Arthur. It seemed the devastation
he felt afterwards was never enough to stop him from starting. He just got so
horny, and his cock was right there. He tried to resist, but in the end, he
would always find himself giving in.
Merlin couldn’t understand it. He truly did hate having sex with Arthur. But
why did he turn right around and masterbate to it later? What the actual fuck?
Did some depraved part of him actually like Arthur fucking his big cock into
him? Merlin refused to believe it.I’m not some wanton whore.
As he lay in bed pondering all this, Merlin found himself circling the tip of
his cock idly with his thumb. Again he tried to resist, but like all those
other times before, he found himself giving in and wanking off wildly to
Arthur. Right before sending him to bed, Arthur had rubbed their naked cocks
together as they kissed and sucked at each other. Arthur didn’t go inside him
that time. Merlin whimpered as he pulled on himself, thinking about how it
would’ve felt if Arthur had gone in.
Eyes shut tight, Merlin moaned as he stuck a finger inside his arse. He fucked
his finger in and out of himself, then put in another finger, and another.
“Fuck, Arthur, harder, harder,” Merlin moaned, speaking the words he never
dared say to Arthur. Merlin whined breathily and leaned deeper into his pillow.
His fingers had begun moving in and out at an alarming pace, and he continued
jerking at his cock, crying out Arthur’s name over and over. He was getting so
close, so--. Clink. Merlin’s eyes flung open. Of course it was Arthur standing
in the doorway. Fuck his life to hell. If it wasn’t clear before, it was
blatantly obvious now that the universe hated his guts.
Arthur’s eyes looked like they were about pop out of their sockets, and Merlin
really couldn’t blame him. He was beyond humiliated. His life was over.
Merlin’s sticky fingers made a disgusting noise as they popped out of his arse.
Arthur was on him in an instant, and Merlin bit his lip, eyes glazing over at
Arthur’s sudden proximity. Merlin was still so hard, fuck, he had been about to
orgasm before he heard Arthur.
“This is what you like to do in your free time?” Arthur hissed in his ear,
rocking his clothed cock back and forth on Merlin’s bare belly. Merlin was too
mortified to even begin to form a response in his head. And he was so hard. He
needed to finish himself off. Now.
Then Arthur spoke again, mimicking him. “Arthur, Arthur, harder, harder, fuck
me, Arthur. I need your cock, harder, just like that, fuck, Arthur.”
Merlin shook his head in horror, shame coursing through him and paralyzing him
to the core as he began to cry. “No... No, no!” he managed, crying hard as he
tried to shove Arthur off.
Arthur grabbed him and angrily wrestled him back onto the bed. “I’ll help you
finish Merlin, and you better fucking beg for it, or I will fuck you up.”
Arthur spat the words quickly and roughly, beginning to undress himself.
“Arthur, you don’t understand!” Merlin screamed, gurgling when Arthur’s free
hand choked him back onto the pillow.
“Oh I understand. I understand that I didn’t stick my cock in you earlier so
you had to go do it your fucking self. Well don’t worry, Merlin, you’re my best
friend and I couldn’t leave you like that. You’ll feel so much better when I’m
done with you.”
Merlin shook his head, tears streaming down his delicate face. He was sobbing
now, kicking at Arthur with all his might, but it was no use. The Prince was
the best fighter in all the lands, and Merlin stood no chance.
When Arthur ripped off the last of their clothing, he rammed into Merlin, hard.
Merlin shrieked, arching his back as he felt excruciating pain rip through his
entire body. Sex hadn’t been this painful in a very, very long time.
Arthur pounded deep into him, with Merlin on his back and able to do nothing
but take the pain. “Arthur, stop you’re hurting me,” he sobbed.
Arthur ignored him and kept pounding, ripping, into him. Merlin began going
dizzy with pain, and he thought he would pass out. Eventually, his eyes rolled
to the back of his head as he weakened. He turned his head turned towards the
wall and just lay there under Arthur, feeling utterly defeated, pathetic, and
ashamed.
Gradually, Merlin felt the physical torment subsiding, replaced by a soft
feeling of pleasure. He blinked in surprise. The feeling grew quickly, and
eventually the pain disappeared completely. Merlin rolled his head to the other
side, breathing heavily, thankful.
Suddenly he felt rough hands on his chin, snapping his face to look up into
Arthur’s own. “Am I still hurting you?” Arthur’s gaze was dark and unreadable.
Merlin couldn’t tell if Arthur was asking this maliciously, or if he was really
concerned.
Merlin struggled to respond, but when nothing came out, he decided it was
easier to just shake his head from side to side. Arthur kissed his forehead
then, sighing into him. “Good.” Merlin suddenly became aware that Arthur’s hips
hadn’t stopped moving, and he shuddered, the feeling of blissful euphoria
starting to take control completely. Why did this have to feel so good?
“Now fucking beg for it,” Arthur hissed, glowering as he moved his head back to
Merlin’s neck.
Merlin shook his head, chills running down his spine as he realized how serious
Arthur was about making him beg.
“C’mon,” Arthur growled, shaking him once. Merlin could feel his face heating
up with tears again as he shook his head. “No, Arthur, I don’t want this!”
He was stunned when Arthur slapped him full-force in the face, then choked him
again. “Merlin!” Arthur snapped.
Merlin’s eyes were wide. He was terrified. He knew he could be difficult for
Arthur to deal with, but in all their time together, Arthur had never ever hit
him like that. Or choked him.
His tears wouldn’t stop flowing as he finally nodded obediently and
reluctantly. He was shaking.
“Good,” Arthur grunted, the frightening darkness on his face beginning to ebb a
fraction. Arthur buried his face in Merlin’s neck again and continued sucking
and kissing there. He also continued fucking hard into Merlin.
Merlin kept quiet for a few more seconds before he finally mustered up the
strength to do what Arthur wanted of him.
“H-harder,” Merlin whispered, wiping at his eyes with one hand as he continued
to cry. “Harder, faster.” More tears rolled down his cheeks. He was sobbing
now.
He didn’t want this.
Arthur did what Merlin said, and Merlin wrapped both arms around his neck for
leverage. Arthur continued sucking at him, and Merlin moaned loudly, knowing
that was what Arthur wanted to hear. They continued on like that, Arthur
fucking him and Merlin pretending to want it.
To Merlin’s horror, he began to realize that the longer they fucked, the less
fake his cries were becoming. He was getting so close now, and Arthur continued
pumping his cock into him. Merlin panted loudly, “Arthur! Arthur, ah! Arthur I
need, I need your cock. In me.” Merlin was gasping for breath.
Arthur’s mouth roamed his chest and neck and cheek, and Merlin tugged him
closer. Closer, he needed Arthur as close as possible. “Arthurrrrr,” he cried.
The bed was rocking and Merlin was rocking, and Arthur was riding him and
driving his hips into him roughly, and Merlin really did need Arthur. Panting
and whining, Merlin whimpered, “Arthur! Yes, like that! Fuck, in me, Arthur,
get in me. Ah! I need you inside. Need your cock.”
The begging came so naturally that it truly frightened him. Because when had he
stopped having to pretend? He feared that this was all too real. Did he
actually want this? The pit in his stomach was opening ever wider, and he was
afraid it would open so wide that it’d swallow him up completely. Before he
could think anymore on it, Arthur moaned loudly and moved his lips from
Merlin’s neck to finally take his mouth. Merlin took it hungrily, smashing
their mouths and teeth together. All train of thought he had managed to hold on
to were out the window.
Merlin couldn’t get enough of Arthur’s kiss. His hands came up from Arthur’s
neck and he took Arthur’s face and hair, holding Arthur delicately and gently,
kissing him fully. Merlin involuntarily bucked his hips up for even more
friction, and Arthur drove himself rougher inside Merlin. Merlin moaned, eyes
unable to stay open, reveling in the pure pleasure he was feeling. Arthur’s
hands were holding him and roaming, and Merlin pressed into them, keening
happily.
Yes, this was where he should be. Platonic or not, he was always meant to be in
Arthur’s arms. He was always meant to be with Arthur. This was why he could
never leave. They were built for each other. It felt too right to be anything
else.
Then Arthur came, his sticky, hot seed spilling and filling up all inside
Merlin. Merlin gasped at the feeling of being claimed, of Arthur owning him. At
that thought, he finally came as well.  
Instead of rolling away like usual, Arthur continued kissing Merlin, lazily
rubbing their cocks together and slowly riding him. Merlin moaned, long and
low. Fuck, Arthur was so hot and sweaty and beautiful.
They carried on like this, kissing and rocking together languidly, deep into
the night. And Merlin, like so many times before, thought about how much he
didn’t want his best friend to leave him. Not ever.
 
The next morning, Merlin woke up curled in Arthur’s arms. Arthur was already
awake and looking down at him with sleepy, soft eyes.
“Was yesterday enough for you, Merlin?” There was a hint of playful teasing in
his voice.
Merlin swallowed, then nodded, face flushing. He refused to look Arthur in the
eyes. “Yes, sire.”
Arthur shifted, trailing his fingers under the sheets and down Merlin’s
stomach. “I thought you said you didn’t touch yourself.”
Merlin lay back down, feeling his cock already start to notice Arthur’s
wandering hands. “I-I didn’t,” he said. He didn’t like this conversation.
Arthur’s eyes glimmered with interest. “So when did you start?”
Merlin swatted Arthur’s hand away (Arthur was about to touch his belly button,
which was very close by to where his erect cock had found it’s way to, and he
couldn’t have that). “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Merlin got up to leave, but of course Arthur flung him back down with a rough
yank to his arm. “Merlin. Tell me.”
“Do I have to tell you absolutely everything?” Merlin growled. “I can’t have
one ounce of privacy! Goodness forbid, not even in my own head. You’ve invaded
absolutely everything!” Merlin crossed his arms and stared defiantly at Arthur,
glaring and huffing.
Arthur held his stare for a second, then gently ruffled Merlin’s soft black
hair and smiled. “I’m your best friend Merlin, of course I get to invade
everything.” His voice was warm, and he leaned in for another kiss. Merlin
instinctively parted his mouth for Arthur’s tongue, sighing into it as they
kissed. Arthur was impossible.
And the way Arthur made him feel, Merlin couldn’t even begin to describe it.
One second Merlin was enraged, the very next he was melting.
When they finally broke apart, Arthur’s face was flushed with affection, and he
lay his chin down in Merlin’s lap, hugging Merlin’s legs with his big arms.
“So when did you start?” Arthur continued to press.
The temptation to run his fingers through his best friend’s hair was getting to
be just a little too much, so Merlin did just that, feeling Arthur relax into
his touch, like always.
Still buzzing from the kiss, Merlin mumbled, “I.. I started a few days after…
after.” Okay, so this was pretty hard to admit out loud. “After the first time
you made me do it.”
Arthur stayed quiet, which cued Merlin to keep going. “And that’s basically
it,” he finished quickly, aiming to spare as many details as he possibly could.
 
Arthur turned his face towards Merlin’s body and kissed up and down his cock.
Merlin sucked in a breath and tried to remain calm.
“Do you always think of me when you do it?” Arthur asked, going slowly up and
down his cock, sucking tiny little o’s into it while at the same time flicking
his tongue along the soft flesh.
Merlin writhed a bit, straining to keep his voice steady. “Don’t be so full of
yourself, of course not,” he lied. Despite his voice coming out low and
strained and husky, he still thought it sounded much better than he’d expected
it to sound. Apparently, Arthur didn’t think so. Merlin could feel the prat
grinning against his cock. Merlin ground down on his jaw, a light blush coating
his cheeks. Who cared what Arthur thought anyway?
“So, who else do you think about then?” Arthur asked, licking the leaking pre-
come off Merlin’s cockhead. This caused Merlin’s eyes to droop considerably as
he went lax with pleasure.
“Uhh, uhm.” Wow, it was becoming really hard to think. Merlin squeezed his eyes
shut. “You and..” Arthur kept sucking. “You..” Merlin moaned, cutting his own
sentence short.
“Me and me?” Arthur stopped sucking and grinned up at him, his blue eyes
teasing and bright and tantalising.
At the absence of Arthur’s mouth on his cock, Merlin groaned louder than he
should have and unthinkingly grabbed at Arthur’s hair, about to pull his mouth
back to where it belonged, until his brain suddenly started working again and
he managed to stop himself.
Arthur licked his lips and somehow managed to look even more turned on than he
already had been (Merlin really didn’t know how that was possible, but Arthur
was doing it).
“Sorry, did you want me to keep going?” Arthur asked hoarsely and seriously.
Merlin rapidly shook his head from side to side, thoroughly embarrassed, and
promptly let go of Arthur’s hair. “No, no thanks,” Merlin said lamely.
Arthur rested his chin on his hands, which were resting on Merlin’s legs. “You
know, it’s okay to want this,” he said, sweet eyes looking up at Merlin.
Merlin refused to look at him. “No, it’s not okay, and I don’t want it. You
just force it on me every day.”   
“Then why do you masterbate to it?”
Merlin stiffened, sudden anger and humiliation causing him to shove Arthur’s
head roughly off his lap. Before he could say anything, Arthur sat up and spoke
first.
“Do it again.”
“Do what?”
“Masterbate.”
“What?” Merlin nearly choked.
“In front of me, except I want you to put my fingers inside of yourself instead
of your own.”
Merlin’s eyes widened in horror. What happened last night had been truly
traumatizing. And now Arthur wanted him to do it again? With his fingers?
“No, please don’t make me do this, Arthur. Really, this is too much,” Merlin
begged, suddenly wanting to hide. Where was his mum and dad? He suddenly found
himself with an overwhelming need for them. He wanted to hide behind their
legs, have them fend this predator that was Arthur Pendragon off for him.
Feeling horribly helpless, he began trembling and wanted to cry. This was
another panic attack, he knew. Merlin’s eyes brimmed with tears as his heart
thudded rapidly against his chest. Everything was happening too fast. Merlin
grabbed the blanket and wrapped it protectively over himself, shutting his eyes
and curling up into a tight ball, wishing Arthur would just go away. He needed
silence. Everything was too loud. His thoughts were too loud.
“Mum, dad... help me,” Merlin cried silently, clutching at the sheets and
rocking back and forth.
Arthur hoisted him up into a sitting position, blanket and all.
“Merlin, why are you always crying?” he nearly demanded, making a face and
wiping at Merlin’s eyes. Arthur kissed him on the top of his head and hugged
him protectively, shushing him. Merlin cried into Arthur’s chest and continued
mumbling about his parents.
“You’re such a child,” Arthur murmured quietly, after some time had passed.
“What kind of grown man cries to his mum and dad?” Arthur asked this mostly to
himself. His voice was laced with concern, like he was beginning to think
something was seriously wrong with his best friend.
Merlin sniffled, blinking a couple times as he stared at Arthur’s chest. He was
still trembling from his panic attack, and the old terror still gripped at him,
making his limbs weak and numb. Arthur gently pried the blanket out of Merlin’s
clammy hands, and Merlin lay down flat on his back, crying softly and waiting
for Arthur to take him. He was too shattered at the moment to bother putting up
a fight. Better to just lay himself down than have Arthur force him down.
When Arthur’s naked form climbed on top of him, Merlin only squirmed a little,
too shell-shocked to do much else. However, with Arthur’s lean, hard body lying
on his, hugging at him, Merlin’s entire being began to react, including his
heart and his mind. It was like Arthur owned his very soul, every single part
of it, and he was never going to give it back. Every single thing Arthur did
just made Merlin want. He didn’t know a platonic love could go this deep, that
a man could feel so much for his same-sex best friend. His mind was swimming
and overflowing with his emotions.
“I love you,” Merlin croaked. Arthur turned his head and looked at him, eyes
brimming with the weight of his own feelings. Arthur entwined their fingers,
pressing gentle kisses down Merlin’s slender neck.
“And you know I love you too,” Arthur murmured.
“You show it in all the wrong ways,” Merlin huffed. Breathing was become
harder.
Arthur stopped kissing Merlin’s neck and instead rested his head on Merlin’s
chest. After a long moment, Merlin whispered, “Arthur, I don’t want you to ever
leave me. Please don’t ever leave me.” He sounded frightened and small. “I’ve
given my entire heart to you, Arthur Pendragon. Of all the terrible things
you’ve ever done, of all the ways you’ve ever hurt me, if you leave me…” Merlin
sucked in a breath, then went quiet, hesitant. “If you leave me, I’ll never
forgive myself.”
Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin’s hand and took his mouth briefly in a
rushed and desperate kiss.
“Merlin, why are you doing this?” His voice sounded cracked.
Merlin looked at him, surprise flickering on his face. “Arthur?”
Arthur buried his face in Merlin’s neck again.
“Merlin, I’ll never leave you. I promise, I’ll never leave you,” he whispered.
Merlin locked his free hand in Arthur’s golden hair.
“Good.”
He shut his eyes and exhaled. As long as Arthur was with him, he could bear
anything.
Arthur shifted after a moment, getting on his hands and knees and whispering in
Merlin’s ear. “Ready?”
Merlin swallowed, his cock twitching and his stomach churning. “I’m never
ready,” he whispered truthfully, even quieter than Arthur had been.
Arthur rolled off him, and Merlin sat up, shivering.
When Merlin looked over at him, he couldn’t help thinking how Arthur looked
utterly perfect. His short, golden hair was sticking up in tufts and his
crooked smile was just the cutest little thing Merlin had ever seen in his
entire life. Did men think this way about other men’s smiles? It seemed kind
of.. gay. Merlin reasoned to himself that best friends didn’t count. Obviously.
 
He couldn’t help breaking into a tiny smile of his own as he scooted closer to
Arthur. Arthur’s expression turned more serious at Merlin’s proximity, but he
was still smiling that silly, lop-sided grin of his.
Merlin inched close enough so that he could put both hands on each of Arthur’s
sides, gazing into Arthur’s eyes. Arthur smiled brilliantly at him and grabbed
his sides too, giving Merlin’s forehead a long, full kiss. Arthur’s warmth and
smell was overwhelming, and Merlin leaned his entire upper body into Arthur.
Arthur held him, and Merlin sighed happily.
“I love your smell.”
“Do you?” Arthur asked, grinning.
“Mhmm,” Merlin murmured, looking up at him and rubbing their noses
together. “Treat me like a fair maiden, Arthur, and give me your jacket when
you can’t be with me so I can always have your precious scent,” Merlin teased.
Arthur nodded seriously. “That’s a marvelous idea,” he breathed, kissing
Merlin’s forehead again, both of them closing their eyes and savoring the
moment. Then Arthur took Merlin’s hand and made him touch himself. Merlin
opened his eyes and looked down at his groin, face reddening, though he only
nodded his acceptance. Arthur wasn’t going to stop pushing for this. He really
had no choice.
Arthur let go of his hand and watched, the two still sitting mere inches apart.
“Do what you were doing last night, before you saw me,” Arthur said, voice low.
“And think about me.”
Merlin bit his lip, nodding. This was going to be so embarrassing. He wanted to
run away again, not doing so solely because Arthur would simply drag him back.
Merlin tightened his hold on his cock, then shut his eyes, trying to make
himself believe he was alone. That was no use, because even with his eyes shut,
he could still feel Arthur’s warmth and hear Arthur’s quiet breathing. Merlin
moved his hand up and down his length, eyes shut and imagining their fucking
from last night. He soon began to feel extremely aroused, and he moaned.
“Arthur… Arthur…” Merlin was pulling furiously at his cock, and he yearned for
Arthur’s instead. Snapping his eyes open, he saw Arthur sitting there, stiff as
a rock, watching him with undisguised lust. Merlin remembered how Arthur had
instructed him to use Arthur’s fingers, so Merlin grabbed at his friend’s hand,
taking a finger and sticking it inside himself. Arthur groaned low, his cock
sticking straight out and leaking.
Merlin shuddered when he felt Arthur’s finger inside him, and hated that he was
the one that had stuck it in there. Still, he felt a burning need for Arthur’s
cock. The finger wasn’t enough. Remembering how Arthur had instructed him to
talk dirty, Merlin panted raggedly, “Arthur, Arthur, I want your cock. Want it
inside me.” He moaned, throwing his head back. “Want it.. so bad.” Merlin stuck
another of Arthur’s fingers inside him, fucking them in a craze, momentarily
forgetting about touching his cock.
He had to keep repeating to himself over and over that he didn’t really mean
what he said. No no, definitely didn’t mean it. He moaned again, low and
desperate. He was doing this because Arthur had instructed him to, forced him.
“Arthur, I want your cock..” Merlin shut his eyes tight, feeling Arthur’s warm
fingers in him. It was the best feeling as he touched his cock and humped
Arthur’s fingers, and Arthur was right there. This was so much better than all
those other times he wanked off alone. Here was Arthur, in the flesh, breathing
hard and just as turned on as he was.
Arthur moaned, burying his head in Merlin’s neck. Merlin whined, turning his
face to Arthur and kissing his head. “Arthur!” Merlin panted, his eyes
completely glazed and blurred. “Nnngh,” Merlin was rutting his cock up against
Arthur now. The Prince continued to stay still, only occasionally moaning.
Merlin sank on his back on the bed, and Arthur got up on his knees, one hand
still in Merlin’s arse. Merlin’s eyes were shut as he moved Arthur’s fingers in
and out of himself, imagining it was Arthur’s cock. Merlin pictured all those
times Arthur fucked him deep and hard, long into the night. He pictured that
and imagined Arthur was doing that to him now. And they were Arthur’s fingers
that were really inside of him. “Arthur, Arthur, I need,” Merlin whimpered,
pumping Arthur’s fingers in and out of him like a dildo. He was so fucking
horny.
Merlin took Arthur’s other hand and wrapped it around Arthur’s own throbbing
cock for a second. He made sure Arthur’s fingers were coated in pre-come, then
took them in his mouth, sucking and imagining it was really Arthur’s cock.
Merlin whined and moaned. He sucked all the come off Arthur’s fingers, licked
them clean, and kept sucking, while at the same time driving Arthur’s fingers
in and out of his arse.
Something at the back of his mind was screaming at him, telling him how
disgusting he was being, and how sickening this was. But he shoved the thought
away, telling himself that this was Arthur’s idea, and that he wasn’t gay, and
that he was faking it.
After a while longer, this all got to be too much, too overwhelming. Merlin’s
eyes popped open as he kicked Arthur’s fingers out of him and stopped sucking
on his fingers. Arthur gasped at this, panting with his head hung low, finally
giving in and resting his head on Merlin’s shoulder.
“Arthur, I need you,” Merlin gasped, grabbing hurriedly at Arthur’s rock-hard
cock. Arthur whined at Merlin’s touch, and then Merlin got up, on his knees,
straddling Arthur’s lap, and hurriedly tried to get Arthur’s cock inside him.
Merlin could feel Arthur’s hot cock in his hands, it was so warm. And leaking,
and beautiful. The smell of sex was strong in the air, and Merlin nearly passed
out with bliss.
He humped at Arthur’s belly while he tried to get Arthur into him. Once Merlin
finally felt himself being filled up, it was like he couldn’t get enough. He
sat on Arthur’s cock and ground down, hard. Arthur made a choking noise when he
finally drove all the way inside Merlin.
Merlin rolled his hips, whimpering and moaning, rubbing his cock all along
Arthur’s belly, smearing Arthur with his pre-come. Arthur’s eyes were half shut
as he hugged into Merlin, licking and sucking along Merlin’s neck. “Arthur,
move. Fuck me, Arthur, I need you to fuck me.” Merlin was whining, licking and
sucking at Arthur’s face. Merlin’s kisses were sloppy and gross, but he didn’t
care. At the moment, he just needed Arthur.
Arthur, for his part, still looked shocked at the entire ordeal, like he
couldn’t quite believe what Merlin had done, and was still doing. Finally,
seeming to have recovered himself, Arthur grabbed Merlin’s wrists and quickly
got Merlin on his back, holding his wrists above his head on the pillow.
Merlin was panting, his blue eyes wide open and staring into Arthur’s. “What
did you say?” Arthur asked, looking down at Merlin, his eyes completely blown
wide with lust and disbelief.
Merlin could barely even register Arthur’s question, he was so horny. All he
could think about was how much he wanted Arthur to move, and how Arthur wasn’t
moving. Merlin was breathing hard, his cock aching, begging to be touched.
“Fuck me,” Merlin gasped, shuddering.
That seemed to do it for Arthur. He went down on Merlin, fucking him harder
than Merlin ever remembered being fucked in his life. Merlin threw his head
back, crying out and moaning. He grabbed blindly at Arthur, his mind gone
completely blank except for Arthur and everything Arthur. “Arthur, don’t stop,
please don’t stop. Faster, unngh Arthur…!” With every moan from Arthur, Merlin
only got hornier, and Arthur kissed him everywhere. Merlin arched his body,
longing to be one with his best friend. Arthur flipped him over and Merlin got
on his hands and knees as he allowed Arthur to fuck him from behind.
“Yes…..Arthur, Arthur, yes,” Merlin panted, arching his back and neck towards
Arthur, needing Arthur inside him, all the way inside him.
After a while, Merlin turned and pushed Arthur down onto his back and rode him
instead, his cock in Arthur’s arse. Arthur panted and moaned loudly, and Merlin
moaned too. He then licked his way down the trail of hair on Arthur’s belly,
licking all the way down to Arthur’s large cock. Merlin hungrily took it all
the way into his mouth. As he sucked, he couldn’t help feeling like this was
what his mouth was made to do. He sucked and licked and kissed the beautiful
cock, massaging Arthur’s balls with a hand in the process.
Arthur gripped desperately at Merlin’s hair, and Merlin then moved his lips on
to his balls, tasting them and putting them in his mouth, rolling his tongue
over them. Arthur continued to moan, and Merlin licked at Arthur’s bellybutton,
then sucked at his neck.
Merlin took both their cocks in his hand and wanked them off together, looking
at Arthur with dark, seductive eyes. Arthur was still making obscene noises,
but at Merlin’s expression, he bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he
groaned in bliss instead.
Merlin panted, staring at Arthur all the while, unable to stop thinking about
how much he needed that precious man underneath him. As Merlin kept going,
Arthur opened his eyes again, and their eyes locked onto each other’s.
When they finally came, they came together, staring into each other’s eyes and
panting, both wrecked. Merlin fell on him, kissing his mouth and grabbing
everywhere.
They continued to fuck for what seemed like an eternity, Merlin completely too
far gone to try to come to terms with what he was doing. They rolled around,
orgasmed. Kept going, more orgasms.
The last thing on Merlin’s mind before he gave over to sleep was that he had
loved every single second of it.
 
When they woke up, it was evening.
“Arthur!” Merlin yelped, sitting straight up. “We’ve just wasted all day in
bed!” He grabbed at his clothes, hastily putting them on.
Arthur rolled over to look at Merlin, smiling sleepily. “Oh well. It was was
worth it.”
“Your father is going to kill you if you keep at it like this,” Merlin scolded,
slipping on his kerchief. Arthur got up and Merlin instinctively went over to
help him dress.
“And we need to bathe,” Merlin said, making a face as he ran an affectionate
hand through Arthur’s hair.
“Good idea, Merlin.” Arthur wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Merlin put up a finger to stop him and said quickly, “No no no, separate
baths.”
He moved to Arthur’s bed and yanked off the dirty, crusted sheets. “We can’t
stay apart for longer than five minutes. It’s starting to freak me out,” he
grumbled. “I’ll fetch new sheets.” Before Arthur reply, Merlin was out of
there.
As he walked, he finally had time to think about what had happened that
morning, and he felt himself searing with shame. He wasn’t gay, yet he’d felt
himself wanting his best friend in all the wrong ways. While pretending to be
turned on, he’d somehow actually gotten so into it that he’d-- he’d actually
taken Arthur’s.. cock, in his hands, and actually.. shoved it, up his own arse.
Merlin shook his head angrily, muttering to himself. This thing with Arthur was
going too far. Arthur’s stupid (fucking weird) fixation with sex was seriously
messing with his head. He knew sex didn’t mean anything for either of them.
They were best friends, after all, and nothing could ever change that. Arthur
was just a damn pervert, and as his best friend, Merlin knew it was his job to
put up with it.
But. When was enough enough?
Sometimes Arthur actually… he actually made Merlin question his sexuality. And
that was going too far. His best friend’s stupid antics were really getting to
him. Merlin could feel himself slipping into a part of him that he didn’t want
to become. He didn’t want to have to touch himself at night because Arthur had
aroused so thoroughly. He didn’t want his prick to nearly leap out of his
trousers just because Arthur hugged him. And he didn’t want his mouth to go dry
just because Arthur smiled at him a certain way. He didn’t want any of this.
Merlin loved Arthur, he really did. He only wished Arthur would use someone
else for his depraved sexual needs.
So much sex all the time, with the same person, even if that person was his
best friend, was beginning to mess with him. It was beginning to give him
thoughts and desires he didn’t want, thoughts and desires he never knew he
could want. It was messing with his psyche, making him confused.
As Merlin fetched new sheets and deposited the old ones, he made up his mind to
do just that. He would convince Arthur to simply relieve his sexual needs
elsewhere. Once that problem was resolved, Merlin would finally be able to
breathe and just enjoy his best friend. They could put all this behind them
forever.
 
The air was cool, and the sun was beginning to set, everything giving off a
slightly blue hue. Merlin and Arthur had come out for a day of fun with
Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, Morgana, Gwen, and Leon.
Near the end of the festivities, Arthur snuck off into the woods alone, and
Merlin couldn’t let him do that, so of course he chased after him. This
resulted in the odd pair walking side by side, holding hands and alone together
on a hillside.
“Arthur, look, the fireflies are coming out,” Merlin beamed. Arthur looked
unimpressed, and Merlin rolled his eyes. “They’re beautiful, Arthur Pendragon.”
“Everything is beautiful to you, Merlin,” Arthur huffed, rolling his eyes right
back.
“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of the fireflies,” Merlin teased as he continued
looking up at them in awe.
Arthur laughed. “Please, I have no need to get petty over some glowing insects.
I’m sure you’ve never seen a man quite as handsome as I am.”
Merlin swiveled his head quickly to look Arthur in the face, his eyes softening
affectionately.
“You really are so beautiful,” Merlin breathed, pupils dilating as he took in
Arthur’s chiseled jaw, shining golden hair, and giant baby blue eyes. When
Arthur broke into a stupidly adorable grin, Merlin forgot how to breathe.
The two stared at each other for a while before Arthur broke the silence.
“Merlin, I love you,” he murmured, nodding once to Merlin and suddenly looking
a little shy. It was Merlin’s turn to beam. Merlin went and sat down on the
very top of the hill, the part where it plateaued and overlooked the woods. He
rested his arms on his knees and looked at Arthur. “Sit down,” Merlin prompted,
patting the spot next to him.
Arthur came and sat behind him instead, setting his legs on both sides of
Merlin while hugging him and kissing his cheek. Merlin chuckled, melting into
the kiss, but at the same time gently grabbing at Arthur’s hair in an effort to
slow him down.
“Arthur, seriously, I need to talk to you about something,” he laughed,
squealing when Arthur gave his neck a particularly loud raspberry, then
proceeded to give him multiple more in the most ticklish areas of his neck. “S-
stahp!!” Merlin laughed, nearly falling over himself as he squirmed. “It
tickles!” Merlin shoved at Arthur, turning to face him and falling onto his
back in the process.
Once Merlin was down, Arthur began to suck at his neck, snaking a hand under
his shirt to paw at his stomach and chest. Merlin couldn’t stop himself from
uttering a low moan, his cock standing straight up. Eyes half-lidden, Merlin
felt the scary, awful, inescapable pleasure come creeping back full-force. He
panted, feeling his face flush.
He wrapped his legs around Arthur’s waist, shoving his groin up into Arthur’s
with one quick thrust. Arthur moaned, continuing his kissing, and that was when
a foggy, muddled part of Merlin’s brain managed to relay to him that this
wasnot going to help with the conversation he was about to have with Arthur.
Fucking shit, he really needed to get ahold of himself. He was sickening, the
way he craved his best friend. It was so completely unnatural. Not for the
first time, Merlin wondered how others must view them. What would someone do if
they saw them right now, dry-humping on a hill for everyone to see? They’d
probably want to claw their own eyes out.
Panting, Merlin reached up in a failed attempt to shove Arthur away. “Hey,
enough,” he tried, his voice soft and quiet. When Arthur thrust at him, he
found himself bucking again. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut, violently fighting
the urge to moan. Why did Arthur have to make it all feel so good?
After a moment, Arthur actually did stop, and he leaned their foreheads
together, shocking blue eyes dancing with mirth. “You sure?” he panted, kissing
Merlin’s cheek and making his way towards Merlin’s mouth. Merlin drew his face
a few inches back, staring wistfully at Arthur’s awfully red lips.
He swallowed. “I was going to talk to you about something.”   
“What?” Arthur asked, giving Merlin a teasing bite to the ear. Merlin
swallowed, trying to part himself completely from Arthur’s tantalizing touches.
Arthur, that grabby bastard, kept pulling him back though. His warrior reflexes
and quick hand-eye coordination gave him a completely unfair advantage. He saw
the moment Merlin tried to inch away and would playfully drag him right back,
rocking their clothed groins together. “So?” Arthur whispered in Merlin’s ear,
his voice rough and low. “What did you want to talk about?” He trailed fingers
down Merlin’s belly.
Merlin fidgeted, biting his lip as he tried not to react. “Well…” How to start?
“Arthur, I was thinking, and--.” Arthur continued grinding down on him, driving
Merlin completely nuts. Merlin angrily pushed Arthur down onto the grass,
knowing he was only able to do so because Arthur let him do it, and straddled
him. Merlin tried to look as irritated as possible but his arousal gave him
away. Fuck his life.
“Arthur, listen, I think you should bed other people.” Merlin said this
quickly, in case Arthur did something that would interrupt his train of thought
again.  
Arthur raised an eyebrow.
“You’re joking.”
“No, nope, no joking,” Merlin confirmed, grinning down at his best friend.
“I don’t want to bed other people, Merlin,” Arthur said, holding onto Merlin’s
hips and clearly liking where Merlin was positioned.
“Why not? I’m sure they’d all be better in bed than me. More willing, for one,”
Merlin said, rolling off him. Arthur continued to lay in the grass, his eyes
never leaving Merlin, as Merlin continued, “I know I’m your best friend, but
having sex with others would be just as pleasurable for you, if not more. Or
you could see Gaius. Maybe he has a treatment for your… disorder, whatever it
is.”
Arthur looked at Merlin like he’d just grown a second head. “My what?”
“Disorder. You know, like a psychological issue?” Merlin lay on his back in the
grass, head on Arthur’s stomach. “One that’s causing you to crave an unhealthy
amount of sex.”
“My sex drive isn’t that high,” Arthur scoffed indignantly, putting his arms
behind his head.
It was Merlin’s turn to raise an eyebrow, propping himself up to look at
Arthur. “Don’t even get me started, Arthur. You need sex so much, you grab the
next person closest to you, which always happens to be me by the way, and have
sex with said person multiple times a day. I think that calls for professional
help.”
“I don’t need help. That tiny little brain of yours might have forgotten by
now, but it’s actually part of your punishment from my father, so I have to
have sex with you!” Arthur flicked Merlin’s ear.
“Ow!” Merlin rubbed at his reddened skin defensively, jabbing Arthur in the
ribs before retorting, “Yeah? Well what happened to the once a day in the cage,
as fast as possible thing?” That he could have lived with a little more easily.
Arthur opened his mouth, then shut it again. Instead of talking, he got up,
leaving Merlin’s head to fall with a small thud onto the grass.
Merlin sat up, rubbing his head, and then Arthur came over again and sat
between Merlin’s legs, resting his head on Merlin’s chest as he slumped there
morosely. Merlin smiled and kissed the top of Arthur’s head. Arthur was always
so irresistibly cute when he sulked. Merlin rested his cheek on top of Arthur’s
head. Arthur’s hair felt so soft on his cool cheek.  
“What do you want me to do?” Arthur finally asked, sighing.
“Try sleeping with other people,” Merlin said lightly.
“But they won’t be you.” Was Arthur pouting? Really? Merlin kissed his ear.
“That’s the point, you twat.” Merlin rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t it ever disgust
you that you’re always shagging another man?”
Arthur looked up at him, and Merlin caught himself holding his breath. Arthur
leaned in until their lips were nearly touching, and Merlin couldn’t stop
staring at them. “There is absolutely nothing disgusting about you,” Arthur
said firmly. “Nothing at all. I love you, and I want you. Every part of you.
Your body,” Merlin stifled a gasp as Arthur gently squeezed his groin, “your
mind,” Arthur put a hand on the nape of Merlin’s neck and pulled his face
closer, gazing into his eyes, before taking a deep breath and finishing, “and
your heart.” He placed a strong hand over Merlin’s heart and used the rest of
his body to gently push them both down onto the grass.
Merlin’s eyes began to glaze over. “Arthur..” he breathed. Suddenly he wanted
to kiss Arthur on the mouth, and very much so. He internally shook himself. He
had to stop thinking that way! He was not in love with Arthur, so he did not
want to kiss Arthur’s mouth, he wanted to kiss Arthur’s cheek, or head, like a
normal man. Merlin shut his eyes, struggling and throwing his head back. “N-no
Arthur, I’m confused, you’re making me confused, and,” he struggled to talk,
his cock burning as Arthur’s groin kept pushing into it. “And, Arthur, I don’t
want to do this, I don’t want to be gay, I don’t even want to be with women.”
Arthur’s eyes narrowed, and his hand went down to rub at Merlin’s groin through
his trousers. “Stop, Arthur,” Merlin panted. “You’re making me.. feel things. I
don’t want to feel.”
Arthur grinned, licking Merlin’s ear. “Am I?”
“I don’t want this, Arthur, I don’t want to become this,” Merlin was making
pained little noises now, eyes beginning to water. Arthur wasn’t stopping! Why
didn’t Arthur ever stop? Now Merlin was hard and whimpering and moaning like a
fucking rabid sex-crazed bitch in heat. He shut his eyes, tears streaming down
his face. “You’re turning me into a disgusting pervert, Arthur,” he choked out.
Arthur continued rutting at him. “Yeah? Am I corrupting sweet innocent little
Merlin?” Arthur laughed disbelievingly. Then he whispered in Merlin’s ear.
“Well get used to it. Because I’m not going to stop until I strip apart every
single barrier you’ve set up against me in that little brain of yours. And I
know it’s just your stupid brain, Merlin, with all your stupid little ideals.
You’ve already given me your entire heart and soul. I’m not going to stop
fucking you and making you want me. I’m going to break you down until you just
fucking well give in and fuck me willingly. I’m never going to stop, Merlin.
Have fun trying to keep me back. Though, you can leave Camelot, no one would be
able to stop you, but you can’t, can you Merlin, or you would have left
already. Because you’re fucking in love with me and just don’t know it yet. I’m
going to marry you one day and fuck you as long and as much as I want and
you’re going to love every second of it. I’m going to keep fucking you for as
long as you keep loving me, so you should know that you have only yourself to
blame.”
Merlin’s eyes were blown wide with dismay and horror. Had he really expected
anything less from Arthur? Arthur roughly grabbed his wrists and held them
above his head in the grass, hissing into his face. “I can literally treat you
like fucking shit. I can fuck you, fuck you up, fuck you over and under and
through the damn fucking woods, and you know what?” Arthur grinned, mouthing at
Merlin’s lips hungrily, and Merlin cursed himself for groaning at the pleasure
as he panted, shaking his head.
Arthur continued, “You wouldn’t even stay mad at me, Merlin, not even for just
a day. You are so fucking in love with me!”
Merlin shook violently, knowing everything Arthur had said was true, but it
wasn’t like that! “I do love you, Arthur! I’ve never denied it, I love you so
much. But that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like this!” Merlin was
sobbing now. “Why can’t you just let me be? All I ever do is love you, Arthur.
I love you through everything, and you continue to mock me.”
Arthur grinned. “Wanna see something really cool?”
Merlin looked at Arthur, fear gripping him.
Arthur leaned his mouth up by Merlin’s ear and moaned, low.
“What are you--?” Merlin began, but then Arthur reached into his own trousers,
and Merlin knew exactly what was going on. Arthur wanked himself off, panting
and moaning loudly and obscenely into Merlin’s ear. Merlin’s face flushed, and
his own cock began standing tall and erect in his breeches. “Merlin… Oh Merlin,
you like that, don’t you? Fuck, you’re so hungry for my cock, Merlin, look at
you, yeah, Merlin..” Arthur had his eyes shut and continued pulling on his
cock.
Merlin knew Arthur was giving him a glimpse of what he did in his free time.
And Merlin was incredibly aroused. Arthur kept moaning, and the wet sound his
cock made when he slid his hand up and down it sounded impossibly loud to
Merlin’s ears. “Arthur, don’t do this,” Merlin whimpered. Arthur kept at it,
moaning and crying his name so loud, speaking all sorts of disgusting, nasty
things he wanted to do to Merlin. Finally Arthur came all over him, then rolled
away, panting. Merlin stayed frozen in the grass. He was so turned on, so
horny, he felt moving at all would be incredibly dangerous. “Look at you, your
breeches are soaked,” Arthur mused.
Merlin cried in humiliation, and he sat up to run away, but in so doing, his
breeches accidentally rubbed against the head of his cock, just a fraction, a
tiny drag of the fabric over his extremely sensitive head, and suddenly, with
eyes wider than ever, Merlin came all over himself. Arthur’s expression turned
serious as he watched, any hint of a smile gone.
Merlin’s face broke. He felt like his soul had completely shattered to pieces.
He stared at the grass, and the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. He could feel his
sticky, hot come drip down his legs. He’d tried so hard not to come. He’d tried
so, so hard.
Suddenly, Arthur crashed into him, throwing him onto the grass. Merlin cried
out, sobbing, and Arthur wrestled his breeches down. “No! No!! Arthur, stop it,
please stop!” Merlin was screaming, screaming and crying and kicking and
shoving. Merlin rolled onto his stomach, grabbing at anything. “Help me! Help
somebody, please help me!” Merlin cried, choking as Arthur grabbed him back.
Arthur tore his breeches down his legs, and Merlin outright shrieked, his panic
attack hitting him hard, and suddenly the entire planet was spinning and
Merlin’s heart was the loudest thing in his ears. For a moment, everything else
sounded muffled. He cried and cried and struggled, but before he knew it,
Arthur was riding his cock, humping him roughly and grabbing at his shoulders.
“You like this, you do,” Arthur growled.
“No!” Merlin cried, his emotions overwhelming. His cock was being stimulated
like crazy, and Arthur wouldn’t stop moving. Merlin threw his head back, crying
and moaning, and finally he crushed his lips to Arthur’s and basically jumped
on him as he fucked him and licked and sucked at him, crying and panting and
humping all at the same time. Merlin shut his eyes in complete and utter bliss,
loving every sound that came out of Arthur’s precious mouth. He ran his hand
through Arthur’s hair and sobbed into the kisses, loving, truly loving, the way
his cock felt inside Arthur. Merlin moaned loudly.
“Arthur, you feel, you feel so good.”
Merlin’s mind felt like it was stuttering and going into overdrive, and now he
couldn’t think straight. All he knew was that he needed Arthur, badly, in every
single way he could get him, and this, yes, this was good. This was amazing.
Merlin fucked back and forth into Arthur, gasping and shuddering and looking
down at him with wild, crazed eyes, but in their depths was also a pure love,
which he saw reflected back to him in Arthur’s eyes.
Arthur watched him with so much love and affection and adoration, and Merlin
wanted to give Arthur everything. He had so much more to give Arthur, so much
he wanted to give, and he kissed Arthur and whimpered into him. Arthur grabbed
at him and pulled him closer on top of him and Merlin moaned, sucking at every
part of Arthur he could put his mouth on, and Arthur urged him on, to go
faster.
And he did, because he loved Arthur and he loved this, and, damn it felt so so
good to be in Arthur like this. Merlin didn’t want to stop, he didn’t ever want
to go, he wanted to hold Arthur and keep his cock in him forever. Merlin kissed
Arthur tenderly but hurriedly, and Arthur grabbed at him. “Touch me, Arthur,”
Merlin begged. Arthur did touch him, and Merlin keened.
They rocked together, fucking and moaning and loving each other for hours on
end. Merlin continued to feel like he was on a super-high and couldn’t come
down and couldn’t think. All he felt was want, want, want. His mind wouldn’t
focus on anything else. And Arthur, oh Arthur was so perfect and beautiful and
his body was perfect, and in that moment Merlin wanted to give his best friend
his absolute everything-- his entire body and soul and heart and mind and
anything else Arthur could possibly ever want from him. Yes, yes, he wanted to
give Arthur every bit of him, every last bit.
“I’m yours Arthur, I’m yours,” Merlin rasped. “Arthur, I love you.” He thrust
deep into his beautiful prince. “Have this whole time,” Merlin managed to gasp
out.
Arthur whimpered and moaned, grabbing Merlin’s head and crushing it to his
chest. “Merlin, I love you too, fuck I love you I love you.” They grabbed each
other’s lips hungrily, not able to get enough. Arthur got on his hands and
knees and Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur’s belly from behind, rutting
into him and groaning loudly. His head was resting on Arthur’s back and he
sighed into him.
Yes, this was where he belonged. He belonged with Arthur and inside Arthur.
Arthur spun him around onto his back, and Merlin moaned, spreading his legs for
him. Arthur took Merlin’s cock fully into his mouth and sucked, eliciting a
high pitched keen from Merlin, who grabbed Arthur’s hair and tugged.
“Arthur…..,” he moaned, humping into Arthur’s hot, wet mouth.
By the time Merlin fell, completely exhausted, on Arthur’s chest, it was long
after dark, the fireflies and stars their only source of light. Merlin panted
hard, his eyes half closed, and Arthur wrapped strong arms around him.
As the crazy high began wearing off, the enormity of what he’d done fell on him
like a brick on an egg. With no warning, Merlin sucked in a breath, then broke
down, crying. “Arthur, I’m a pervert. I’m so disgusting. I hate myself!”
Arthur rolled on top of him, rubbing their cocks together. Merlin whimpered,
struggling faintly and crying harder. Must Arthur insist on torturing him
forever?
“Because you like this, Merlin?” Arthur asked, his voice low and quiet and sad.
When Merlin didn’t reply, he went on, “Everyone likes sex, Merlin. That doesn’t
make you a pervert, especially when it’s someone you love. Of course you’d like
it.”
He leaned down to kiss Merlin’s cheek, and Merlin tried to move his head away,
making a soft pained noise.
“Stop trying to avoid my touches, Merlin. You know I always get what I want
from you.”  
Merlin wiped at his eyes, continuing to cry, crying openly. “Arthur, sex is
traumatizing for me. I nearly had a heart attack earlier. This isn’t fun, I
don’t want to keep doing this.” Merlin was ashamed of himself when he realized
he sounded just like a scared little boy, not at all like the man his parents
wanted him to be.
Arthur rolled off him and hugged him tightly.
For a very long time, no one spoke. The only sound was the sound of crickets
and Merlin’s crying and sniffling and hiccuping. When Merlin’s cries finally,
finally ceased, Arthur murmured, so quiet it was barely audible, “Goodnight,
Merlin.”
Merlin wiped at his eyes, nibbling at the knuckle of his thumb as he hiccuped.
“Goodnight Arthur.” His voice sounded hoarse and tortured; strained. Under all
that, there was still the distinct note of the deep affection and love that ran
through him for Arthur, ran in his veins and through his very soul.
 
Arthur didn’t know exactly how late it was now, only that it was very late.
Merlin had ceased all signs of crying and was now fast asleep. He stared up at
the fireflies and continued holding onto his best friend. Very tenderly,
slowly, and carefully, Arthur’s fingers traced secret words onto Merlin’s
chest. Then, with a quiet choking sound, hot tears scorched Arthur’s eyes and
dribbled down his chin.
 
When Merlin awoke early that morning, the fog had set over the surrounding
lands and the air was warm and humid. He found Arthur already dressed and
waiting for him.
“Here you are,” Arthur said, walking over to where Merlin was sitting and
handing him his clothes. Wordlessly, Merlin took them and began slipping on his
shirt. Arthur went behind him and bent down, hugging Merlin gently. Merlin
grunted, and Arthur stuck his nose in Merlin’s hair, inhaling deeply. “Your
hair smells like flowers.”
Merlin leaned into Arthur a bit. “Does it?”
“Yeah.”
Fuck, talking about scents, Arthur’s natural odor was always fantastic. And the
way he felt, his body so strong. And hard. Merlin began thinking of other
things Arthur had done with that hot, hard body pressed up behind him, and he
immediately shuddered inwardly, disgusted with himself. This caused him to
abruptly move away from Arthur, standing up and quickly putting on his spoiled
breeches instead.
“Ready?” Arthur smiled softly at him, still crouching in the grass.
Merlin took a deep breath, then awkwardly looked down at his best friend. The
moment their eyes met, a vision of yesterday flashed in his mind, and he
flinched. Nodding, Merlin said, “Yeah, let’s go.”
 
Another year passed by.
Merlin was twenty, and Arthur was twenty five.
 
There was a big feast at the castle. The fun had just begun, and most people
were dancing, some were walking around, and others were sitting and gossiping.
Arthur and Merlin sat side by side, their chairs turned towards each other and
feet touching as they talked. They joked and laughed, casually touching each
other far too often. This gave Merlin an unsettling feeling in the pit of his
stomach, but he couldn’t seem to control it. With Arthur, it all came so
naturally. He loved touching Arthur like this, being with Arthur, talking and
laughing.
Sometimes Arthur would wiggle his eyebrows at Merlin and lean his face in too
close to tell him something particularly brilliant, and Merlin would find
himself growing hard with just that proximity. Their eyes both shone
brilliantly as they fired off jokes and flirty comments. Well, the flirty
comments didn’t actually count as flirting though, because of course Merlin was
only joking.
He felt that, with each passing year, he only grew fonder of Arthur. It was
crazy, really. Arthur was becoming more than a best friend. Arthur was
becoming… Merlin didn’t know what he was becoming. He couldn’t find anything to
describe it. And no, it wasn’t a lover. Certainly not that! That would just,
that would just be wrong. But Arthur had grown to become something, whatever it
was, to Merlin, something more powerful and important in his life than Merlin
ever thought possible.
And Merlin was addicted to Arthur. The pull was so strong. Like they were two
giant magnets in a universe full of tiny magnets. Everyone else pulled gently
towards that one special other, but Merlin felt that he and Arthur were
literally yanked together, and no matter what, they couldn’t pull back. With
every passing day, this feeling only grew stronger. The urge to do everything
with Arthur heightened-- the urge to talk to him, joke, play, stare at, kiss (a
friendly kiss, of course...) Arthur filled his every waking thought and was in
nearly every dream.
Sometimes he dreamt about his childhood, before Arthur. But in those dreams, he
always felt like some deep part of himself was missing. He would feel an inner
sense of distraught and longing, and a deep cold emptiness nothing could fill.
He’d wake from those dreams, quietly gasping, the horrifyingly empty feeling
completely washed away once he realized it had only been a dream. Arthur was
there with him, Arthur would always be with him. He’d promised Merlin that.
Whatever it was that Merlin was feeling for Arthur, he couldn’t even begin to
understand it one bit. He only knew that whatever it was, it felt incredible.
It never seemed enough to just tell Arthur that he loved him. This feeling he
had for his best friend went above and completely beyond anything he’d ever
thought he was capable of feeling.
As they sat there, sipping their drinks now and then, Merlin couldn’t help
thinking to himself how beautiful Arthur looked. Everything about him glowed.
And Arthur was a great warrior, noble and kind to his people. He would make a
great king someday.
“What are you thinking about?” Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow.
Merlin broke into a wide smile. “I was thinking about how much I love you.”
Arthur’s big round eyes blinked affectionately as he blushed. “Love you too.”
He ran a gentle hand through Merlin’s hair, and Merlin leaned into the touch,
bringing his own hand to untangle Arthur’s from his hair.
Arthur was warm and lax in his grasp, and Merlin took both his hands and
cradled Arthur’s hand gently. Merlin grinned wider, his blue eyes shining with
adoration and love. They stayed that way for a long moment. Arthur smiled
happily at him, then leaned their foreheads together. Merlin exhaled shakily,
looking down at his best friend’s lips, a familiar warm feeling creeping into
his gut.
Arthur abruptly pulled away, clapping Merlin on the back (which caused him to
nearly choke on his spit, but the clotpole didn’t notice). “So, big feast with
lots of drinking! You know what happens afterward.” Arthur looked at Merlin
with intense but teasing baby blue eyes. How did he pull off looking so
adorable when he was really such a predator? Merlin shook his head, chuckling
(and coughing a little).
“No, you know drunk sex. It’s not fun. You barely register anything.”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “You’ll try any excuse, won’t you?”
“Maybe,” Merlin said, looking just a little bit sheepish.
Arthur chuckled and Merlin laughed quietly, happy just to see Arthur happy.
“Don’t drink too much,” Arthur said. He leaned into Merlin’s ear, almost a
whisper as he said, “I want you to remember it in the morning.”
Merlin turned away from him, downcast, and buried his face in his arms on the
table, groaning. “I’d rather not,” he said after he turned his head back to
look at his best friend.
“But you’ll do as I say?” Arthur leaned into him.
Merlin nodded, smiling despite himself, and blushing. “I have to, you’re the
prince.”
“And you love me.”
“And I love you,” Merlin agreed. Arthur was about to sit up straight again when
Merlin went on, “Even though you, Mr. Lazy Clotpole, are an arrogant, pratty,
sex-crazed lunatic cabbage head who looks like a toad and smells worse than the
butt of a wildren.”
Arthur froze in disbelief, then gave Merlin a look that would bring Uther to
tears (okay, maybe not that bad).
“Kidding!” Merlin said quickly, throwing up his hands and feigning fear, but
his open-mouthed grin gave him away.
Arthur sighed loudly, rolling his eyes (was that a hint of a smile?), and took
another sip of his wine.
The very second his eyes were off Merlin, the Princess Freya swooped in for her
chance.
“Hello,” she said to Merlin, smiling sweetly and batting her eyelashes
flirtatiously.
Merlin’s face lit up with surprise, and Arthur immediately stopped mid-sip,
eyeing her with a little disgust and a lot disbelief. Merlin knew no one in the
castle dared talked that way to him; ever. And especially not in front of
Arthur. This was a funny change. He had to try very hard to suppress his
laughter when, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Arthur stiffen beside
him and set his cup down a bit too loudly.
“This is perhaps a bit informal, but,” Princess Freya held out a hand to him.
“May I have this dance?”
Finally, he was going to slow dance with a girl for once, like a normal man! “I
would love to,” Merlin said gleefully, beaming as he took her outstretched
hand. It was small and soft, and feminine. This was definitely new.
As Merlin walked away, he glanced back at Arthur and shrugged, grinning. Arthur
crossed his arms, clearly pouting and glaring at him. Arthur would have to
learn to share eventually, once Merlin got a wife. He might as well start now.
 
“You and Prince Arthur seem… very close,” Princess Freya said once they were
finally dancing. She rested her head on his shoulder.
“Oh yes, we are,” Merlin said, smiling as he thought about their bond. “He’s my
best friend.”
“Is that all he is?” she asked. Her voice was light, but there was an
undercurrent to it that suggested fervent curiosity.  
Merlin nodded. “Of course.”
 
They danced a while longer, and as the night went on, he grew to truly enjoy
her presence. Besides radiating kindness, the Princess was clever, sweet, and
funny. Even he wasn’t daft enough to think anything could ever really happen
between them, but he couldn’t help thinking that, when he finally found his
wife, he wanted her to be just like Freya.
Eventually she took his hand and led him out of the party area to the chambers
Uther had specially provided for her. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Merlin asked. “What if you get pregnant?”
“That won’t happen.”
Her voice was so full of certainty. Could she really be so sure?
“How do you know?”
The Princess smiled slyly. “Some things are best kept unknown, Merlin. And if
you’re worried I will tarnish my reputation, I am the sole heir to my father’s
throne, so I can very well bed whomever I so choose.” She smiled playfully and
pulled a baffled Merlin in for a kiss. “Merlin,” she breathed. “I was eyeing
you all night.”
 
They were lying naked in bed. Merlin was straddling her, but soon he ended up
looking more than a little befuddled.
“Are you okay?” Freya asked, sensing his confusion.
He hesitated. Carefully, he said, “This is my first time... with a woman.” He
refused to flat-out lie to her and make himself out to be a blushing virgin,
but at the same time he also didn’t want her to know he’d slept with Arthur
maybe just like, everyday.
She nodded, taking his hand reassuringly. “Just do what makes you feel
comfortable. Go slow, Merlin. There’s no rush.” She was smiling kindly at him,
and he swallowed. That wasn’t the problem. No, he had a worse problem. For some
reason, he wasn’t getting... hard.
Merlin awkwardly rutted up against her vagina a couple times, trying to get it
up. Embarrassed, he tried again, and again. Nothing.
What the fuck?
Freya didn’t acknowledge his problem, perhaps embarrassed for him, and instead
took Merlin’s face into a kiss, moaning into him and grinding on his cock.
Thankful that at least she wasn’t complaining, he passionately kissed back.
She was really a great kisser, and such a beautiful, sweet girl. He couldn’t
think of a reason why he wasn’t getting hard. Merlin cursed himself. Here he
was, begging his stupid cock to take an interest, and it completely refused to
cooperate. And then there was that prat Arthur, giving him damn panic attacks
and breaking him down until he was a sobbing, wrecked mess, and he’d be
orgasming fucking rivers.
In that moment, Merlin couldn’t have hated himself more. Without warning, he
abruptly pulled away, apologizing profusely as he rushed into his clothes. He
even tripped once or twice in his haste to get out the door. Freya shouted his
name once, shouted for him to come back, but he was so ashamed he couldn’t even
look in her direction.
Being so used to Arthur, Merlin was a little surprised when Freya didn’t
immediately grab at him and try to force him back onto the bed to finish what
he hadn’t yet started. But of course not, Freya was nothing like Arthur. So
nothing excused his cock’s disinterest.
Flying down the halls, Merlin bumped into a sleazy-looking noble who was way
too drunk for his own good. The man wore the crest of a different kingdom, and
when he saw Merlin, he winked at him. “Just my luck,” the stranger slurred.
In that moment, Merlin knew what he had to do.
Merlin nodded at him, then allowed the man to drag him back to a dark, empty
room. They made out hurriedly, hands and mouths all over one another. Rutting
against each other, the man unbuckled his belt quickly, taking out his cock.
Merlin did the same, and they thrust into each other. After some time, Merlin
was still frustratedly not hard.
“C’mon,” he growled to himself, thrusting against the stranger angrily.
Nothing. Shoving the man away and ignoring his protests, Merlin tied up his
trousers and stormed off without a single word.
He was searing with even more shame than before. A very nice, attractive-
looking young woman hadn’t turned him on, so in his pure desperation, he had
tried a relatively handsome young man, and still nothing. Merlin was more
confused than ever, but most of all, he was furious with himself.
He tore into his dark room and kicked at his bookshelf, ignoring the multitudes
of books that crashed onto the floor. He raged on, screaming at the ceiling and
tearing at his hair. He kicked over more things and punched the walls countless
times before sinking down heavily onto the edge of his bed. He sat there and
cried into his hands, thankful that his parents were at the feast and wouldn’t
walk in on him like this.
After he wiped away the last of his tears, Merlin leaned back on one arm and
resolutely untied his trousers with his other hand. He fisted at his cock and
imagined Arthur fucking him from behind. Suddenly he was very hard. Merlin
grunted angrily, but decided to keep going. Very soon he was moaning, for once
too angry at himself to bother feeling ashamed. When he heard his open bedroom
door shut close, he already knew who it was.
Whatever.
Merlin continued angrily jerking himself off, moaning as he resumed thinking
about crazy hot sex with his best friend.
“What are you doing?”
Merlin opened his eyes, glaring at Arthur. “What does it look like, you prat?”
His voice was like venom.
Arthur blew out a puff of breath, holding up his hands defensively and eyes
widening. “Whoa, okay, no need to be crabby.”
Crabby? Crabby couldn’t even begin to describe his rage right now! “Shut up,
Arthur,” he growled between his teeth. He shut his eyes again as he continued
yanking on his cock. He whimpered as he thought about Arthur sucking tiny,
sweet kisses into his neck.
“Arthur, I’m so fucked up,” Merlin cried, his voice shaking as he continued
jerking himself off.
“What happened?” Arthur was still standing by Merlin’s doorway, unmoving. For
once, he actually looked afraid.
Merlin shook his head, refusing to talk. Instead he kept moaning, then began
bucking his hips in tiny thrusts, panting.
“Princess Freya was that good, was she?” Arthur’s voice was laced with jealousy
and guarded anger.
Merlin allowed his head to roll to his shoulder as he panted, giving Arthur a
sideways glance. He kept moaning, holding Arthur’s angry gaze the entire time.
After a long moment, still holding Arthur’s gaze as he thought about all the
dirty things he wanted to do with him, Merlin finally shuddered and groaned.
“You, Arthur, I’m thinking about you.”
The Prince looked dumbstruck, like he’d just been slapped straight across the
face with a metallic pan. In one quick motion, Arthur was suddenly kneeling in
front of him, and Merlin sucked in a surprised breath. Arthur pried Merlin’s
hands off his cock, immediately putting his mouth on it and taking Merlin
fully. Merlin gasped out loud, grabbing Arthur’s short hair in one hand as he
moaned loudly and leaned back on his other hand. Arthur sucked hungrily, his
head bobbing up and down. He then licked and sucked at the side of Merlin’s
cock, and Merlin bucked his hips, panting.
“Arthur..” he moaned, quiet and high pitched. He shuffled further back on the
bed, and Arthur’s mouth followed.
Merlin lay down, choking in pleasure, and Arthur slid his mouth off Merlin’s
cock. “Let me finish for you,” Arthur whined, sucking at his jaw. Merlin
nodded, hugging into him and deeply inhaling the scent of Arthur’s bare neck.
Arthur took Merlin’s cock in his hand and fisted at it, then rammed his tongue
down Merlin’s throat. Merlin sputtered and nearly choked for a second, then got
the hang of it and kissed back, humping fast into Arthur’s hand.
After a while of this, he came, moaning long and low into Arthur’s kiss. Arthur
gasped, pulling away.
“Merlin, I’m so hard,” he whimpered, tugging desperately at his own trousers.
Merlin got up and kissed his mouth again as he got to work with getting
Arthur’s trousers off. “I’ll take care of you,” Merlin panted gently, cradling
Arthur’s chin in his hands.
Once Arthur’s trousers were off, Merlin went down on him, taking his hot,
throbbing cock in his mouth. Merlin sucked heartily, humping his own cock into
the mattress. He was getting hard again. Arthur’s cock felt so good in his
mouth, and Arthur moaned, grabbing at his hair.
“Merlin.. Merlin, you’re so perfect, so beautiful,” Arthur panted, whimpering.
As Merlin licked and sucked, face flushed with dizzying desire, he told himself
that he’d let himself enjoy this with Arthur,just tonight. Only this once, he
wanted a night free of the burden of his utter shame. He wanted to just enjoy
it, take in Arthur’s body and the absolute bliss it gave him. Just for tonight.
I just want one night.
After Merlin sucked Arthur off, they held each other quietly, reveling in each
others’ body and warmth.
In a very short amount of time, they both drifted off to sleep.
 
The next day, Merlin and Arthur were lying on their bellies at the end of
Arthur’s bed, all their clothes, to Merlin’s relief, still on. They lay over
the covers, just hanging out and joking around, but he was fully aware that it
was dark now, and Arthur never went to bed without having one of their
“sessions.” For now though, Merlin would enjoy his best friend and the time he
would try to buy before Arthur got needy.
They were laughing when it happened. Their faces were close and Arthur grabbed
at Merlin’s head with both hands. The Prince pulled his face into Merlin’s
neck, grinning into his skin as he proclaimed, “I’m horny.”
Merlin chuckled lightly, perfectly masking the raging panic growing in his
belly. He shoved Arthur away, burying his face into the bed as he shook his
head. Arthur grabbed his short hair and pulled his head off the bed.
“Arthur!” Merlin yelped, laughing. Then Arthur jammed his thumb into his mouth.
“If I suck on this, can we just call it a night?” Merlin basically gagged.
Arthur grinned, lifting both eyebrows as he looked speculatively at Merlin.
“Maybe.”
Maybe wasn’t good enough. Merlin gnawed playfully at Arthur’s thumb, and Arthur
laughed, moving his thumb around in Merlin’s mouth. Merlin sucked at it,
resting his head back down on the bed. Dirty thoughts, go away, dirty thoughts,
go away. Merlin was disgusted that sucking on Arthur’s thumb was giving him
these thoughts. It was only a thumb.
Arthur grabbed his head and planted a deep, rough kiss into his hair, then
moved behind Merlin on the bed and grabbed both his legs, hoisting Merlin's
arse up against his groin. Merlin made a soft whining noise, his head still
buried in the bed. Arthur humped at him a few times, enough to get Merlin’s
cock burning with a wild need he didn’t want, then flipped him over. Merlin’s
eyes were shut tight, but he opened them now to look, wild and frightened, at
Arthur, his heart pounding.
Arthur ran a lazy, grabby hand over Merlin’s crotch, squeezing gently for one
second, just to get a feel for how hard Merlin had gotten, then pulled his hand
away. Merlin abruptly jumped up and knocked Arthur down, so that Arthur was
partly on his side, and straddled him.
“What are you--?” Arthur laughed, and Merlin crushed him down onto the mattress
before sucking an affectionate nip into Arthur’s arm.
“Prat,” Merlin grinned, shoving at Arthur’s face and moving off him again to
lay belly-down on the mattress. Merlin rested his head on the back of his hands
and closed his eyes, humming (nervously) to himself.
Arthur, also on his belly, inched over to Merlin. Once he reached Merlin’s
side, Arthur got on top of him, aligning their bodies. He rested his head on
Merlin’s shoulder, eyes also closed as he asked, “What are you thinking about?”
Merlin smiled, opening his eyes as he leaned his head into Arthur’s face. “I’m
tired. I think we should call it a night.”
Arthur bit his neck, causing Merlin to yelp. “Ow!”
“Payback,” he grinned, and Merlin shoved at him with his legs.
“You prat, I didn’t even bite you that hard!”
Arthur laughed, sitting up to drag Merlin’s head onto his lap. Merlin basically
giggled and looked up at Arthur, blue eyes adoring. He lifted Arthur’s shirt up
a little and bit the side of his stomach, suckling as he did.
Arthur groaned, feigning pain, and Merlin laughed, nibbling down his side. At
that, Arthur grabbed him and wrestled him down onto the bed. “Take off my
trousers and I’ll let you bite further down.”
Merlin laughed uneasily, rolling away, and lay on his back instead as he stared
up at the ceiling. The idea was far too tempting for his comfort.
Why did Arthur make him feel these things, when women and, goodness forbid,
other men, couldn’t? Maybe it really was just extreme, brotherly feelings,
since the way he felt about women was clearly different. He wasn’t really
sexually attracted to Arthur, was he? No, of course not. That was dumb. His
body was simply confused because Arthur was always having his way with him, and
combined with how much he loved the prat, of course he’d be confused. Yes, that
was it. That was all it was.
Arthur shimmied over and lay by Merlin’s side, propping himself up so that he
could look down at Merlin’s face. He kissed Merlin then, and Merlin closed his
eyes, sighing contentedly.
After a while, Arthur pulled away and buried his head in Merlin’s neck. Merlin
keened happily, smiling, his head swollen with the feeling the kiss had given
him.
Arthur propped up on his elbow and reached down with his other arm, rubbing
briefly at Merlin’s cock and balls through his thin trousers. Arthur squeezed a
little before moving his hand up to Merlin’s belly. Merlin was very hard. And
scared.
He tried to divert Arthur’s attention and instead grabbed at Arthur’s neck,
pulling him roughly back down. “Nnnf,” Arthur huffed, falling on Merlin. That
kicked off a wrestling playfight. After some scuffling, Arthur grabbed Merlin
from behind and then hooked an arm around his neck, yanking him up that way.
Merlin laughed and jabbed at Arthur’s stomach. Arthur released him and Merlin
pounced on him, grabbing a pillow and whacking him over and over.
Arthur laughed before yoinking the pillow away and shoving him down, straddling
him. Merlin grinned up at him, and then Arthur tickled his sides. “AAAhh!!!
Arthur, stop!” Merlin snorted, clutching at where Arthur was tickling him and
trying to kick him off. Arthur laughed and bent down, giving Merlin a quick
peck to the lips, and then rolled off him. Merlin was still giggling when he
sat up. He was then almost immediately met with hands grabbing at his head, and
soon Merlin found himself in a headlock. Chuckling, Arthur bit his ear.
When Merlin squirmed in an attempt to escape, Arthur grabbed his shirt and
yanked it right over his head, tossing it to the floor. Merlin yelped in
surprise, managing to pull away. Arthur, no. He felt the panic rising in him
again, and he turned completely away from Arthur, trying to take deep breaths
in and out without making it too obvious.
Arthur came up behind him, hooking an arm around his neck again and kissing his
ear. Merlin, eyes closed, took the arm around his neck and kissed it once,
still trying to breathe in and out slowly. A part of him thought Arthur knew
about his panic attacks, because then Arthur waited, watching him, until he
finally calmed down enough to open his eyes and turn to look meekly back over
his shoulder.
Once he did that, Arthur wrapped an arm around his naked belly and drew him
gently back towards the middle of the bed. He then blew a raspberry into
Merlin’s neck, at the same time humping him from behind. Merlin arched his back
towards Arthur in pleasure and grunted, falling forward onto his arms, which
accidentally allowed Arthur better access to his arse.
Arthur rutted against him gently, kissing softly into his back and sides.
Merlin sighed. This felt good. He tried to concentrate on the kissing instead
of the feeling of Arthur’s hard cock being constantly rammed up against his
arse. Merlin went blissfully slack in Arthur’s grasp and gradually fell all the
way against the bed, half turning over onto his back to look at Arthur. That
was a mistake.
Arthur began moving their clothed groins together, rolling his hips and kissing
at Merlin’s neck.
“Oof,” Merlin groaned when Arthur’s head nearly suffocated him for a second. He
then breathed hard, feeling Arthur’s cock through his clothes. Arthur was very
hard.
Arthur continued kissing him, moving down his chest. Merlin tried getting up
again, but this time Arthur pushed him quickly back down. “Your trousers are
always so thin, Merlin. I can feel all of you through them.” Arthur was
grinning and mouthing at his clothed groin.
Merlin whimpered, using both hands in an effort to push Arthur's surprisingly
heavy head away. “Arthur, please just go to bed. I’ll even sleep here with you.
We can cuddle.” Merlin’s voice was tight with desperation.
And something else that he refused to dwell on.
“Can we cuddle naked?” Arthur asked, smiling and raising his eyebrows. Merlin
rolled his eyes, sitting up.
“Sod off, you prat.”
Arthur grabbed him and pulled him into a face-down position on the mattress.
Arthur then rolled himself into a sitting position on top of Merlin’s
shoulders. “You’re so cute,” Arthur cooed sincerely. He humped Merlin’s head
twice before rolling off to lay next to Merlin instead. Merlin scoffed, rubbing
at the area Arthur had humped at, and smiled affectionately at his adorable
(but clearly insane) best friend.
“Shut it.” Merlin leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then he lay on his
side facing away from Arthur and stared at the wall. He wished Arthur wouldn’t
be so pushy.
Arthur leaned over on his belly and rested his head on Merlin’s shoulders. He
nibbled at Merlin’s neck and ears, shoving his nose into his hair. “Merlin,
have sex with me.” The spoiled brat was practically whining. Ridiculous.
Merlin didn’t answer him, his mouth gone dry with apprehension. Arthur planted
quick, hard kisses on his cheek, his hair, and the top of his head, all the
while rubbing at Merlin’s bare back with a gentle, outspread hand. Merlin
sighed into it all, wishing Arthur would just stick with these friendly
touches-- wishing he’d just stick within these boundaries of a normal best
friend.
As Merlin lay there, he frustratedly tried to get his erect cock to soften.
What was wrong with him? He was really such a sick, twisted pervert who got off
on his best friend showing him some (at the moment) innocent affection. Merlin
knew there had to be something seriously wrong with him.
He hid his face in the mattress as Arthur continued. Then Arthur flipped him
over onto his back, and Merlin’s legs were accidentally spread apart. Before he
could close them, Arthur again reached for his groin. This time, instead of
only briefly touching, Arthur massaged him, too-easily feeling all of him,
because as the Prince had pointed out, his trousers really were much too thin.
Merlin shut his eyes tight, straining to not make any sounds. Arthur leaned
over him, straddling their groins together, and rested his chin on Merlin’s
chest. “You’re very hard.”
Merlin nodded, turning his head so he wouldn’t have to look at his best friend.
“I shouldn’t be,” he said hoarsely.
“Why shouldn't you?” Arthur asked, nibbling at his jaw for a second. Merlin
shut his eyes tightly.
“You’re another man, Arthur. And my best friend. This is wrong. Best friends
don’t do this. We shouldn’t want to do this.”
“But you do want to do this?” Arthur asked, a small grin creeping onto his
face.
Merlin opened his eyes and swatted at Arthur’s face, making Arthur flinch back
and laugh. “No, you idiot! That’s not what I meant!” he growled, though his own
smile ruined the effect (Arthur was just so damn cute when he laughed).
They both sat up, and then Arthur scooted over close, sitting with his legs
criss-crossed and grinning. He leaned in then, kissing Merlin fully on the
mouth. Merlin smiled into the kiss, kissing back and wrapping his arms lightly
around Arthur’s waist. After a bit, Arthur pulled away, smiling teasingly. He
leaned up by Merlin again and sloppily licked Merlin’s lips. Merlin made a
face, giggling. “Ew, Arthur what are you doing?”
“Lick my tongue,” Arthur said. “C’mon.” He grabbed at Merlin’s hands. Merlin
raised an eyebrow.
“Okay…?” This couldn’t be that gross, since they kissed all the time, right?
Arthur licked lightly at Merlin’s lips, and this time Merlin parted them and
licked at Arthur’s tongue. Arthur tasted so... delicious, like always. Merlin
licked at his tongue some more, and Arthur licked back, beginning to push
inside Merlin’s mouth.
“Mmmhm,” Merlin sighed. Arthur pulled away a little, and Merlin followed his
mouth, licking and sucking, not wanting Arthur to go. Arthur stuck out his
entire tongue and Merlin licked at it, from tip to where it disappeared into
his mouth. “You like my tongue?” Arthur grinned.
“Mmhm,” Merlin mumbled happily, pulling Arthur’s head in for a deep kiss on the
cheek. “And I like your smell,” Merlin breathed, kissing his cheek one more
time before letting him go.
Arthur chuckled and scooted over again, wrapping both arms in a hug around
Merlin, and sighed deeply into his chest. Merlin smiled and hugged back,
kissing Arthur’s head. “I love you,” Arthur said, voice sounding muffled.
“Love you too,” Merlin replied, his voice tender-soft.
“I miss you.”
Merlin leaned down and hugged Arthur even closer, smiling. “You can’t miss me,
I’m always here.”
“I still miss you,” Arthur insisted stubbornly, kissing Merlin’s naked chest.
Merlin continued holding him and chuckled.
“I miss you when you’re away,” Merlin said, carding his fingers into Arthur’s
hair.
“I know,” Arthur mused. “Always act like I’ve been gone for weeks.”
Merlin smiled, kissing Arthur’s head some more. “Can’t live without you.”
Arthur swallowed and looked up, kissing Merlin’s mouth, pushing his tongue in.
When he pulled away, he cradled Merlin’s chin in his hand. Merlin stared back,
lips swollen red and eyes glazed over.
“I’ll never understand why you love me so much,” Arthur swallowed again.
Merlin smiled lightly. “Soulmates can be platonic,” he whispered, kissing
Arthur’s cheek.
“You think we’re soulmates?” His eyes went wide.
“Of course.” Merlin took Arthur’s hands in his. “That would be the only
explanation why I love you this much. Why I can never get you out of my head.”
Merlin’s eyes shone brightly, and Arthur blushed.
“You love me,” Arthur said.
“I love you more than anyone,” Merlin replied simply, shrugging. “And that will
never change.” He wrapped his arms around Arthur’s neck.  Arthur was still
giving him a wide-eyed stare, and Merlin rolled his eyes. “You’ve known that
for years now, you dollophead. Don’t look so surprised.”
Arthur smiled warmly, ruffling Merlin’s hair. “Still gets me every time you say
it.”
It was Merlin’s turn to blush. He ducked his head and kissed Arthur’s chin
lightly, then hugged into him. “I love you, love you love you loveeee you,”
Merlin sang.
“Merlin, you can’t sing,” Arthur laughed, nipping at his ear.
“Better than you can!” Merlin scoffed, kissing his cheek lightly but firmly
before kicking him. Arthur laughed and rolled out of the way, beaming.
“Sing again.”
“No, apparently I can’t sing,” Merlin said mockingly. He turned away, crossing
him arms.
After a moment, Arthur snuck up behind him and hooked an arm around his neck,
dragging him down onto the bed. “Get off me, you smelly loaf!” Merlin laughed,
giggling as he fell on top of Arthur.
“Thought you said you loved my smell!” Arthur continued to wrestle Merlin down.
“I lied!” Merlin squeaked, face disappearing under Arthur’s arms and chest.
They scuffled around on the bed for a while, laughing. Then Arthur kissed
Merlin’s cheek affectionately. “I love you so much, Merlin,” he said, still
laughing lightly.
Merlin grinned. “I know you do.”
“Still intent on getting that wife?”
“Of course I am. I’m expected to." Merlin grabbed at Arthur’s head, but Arthur
ducked away, eyes suddenly wary.
“Before you marry, I’ll make sure she knows just how horrible you are in bed.
Then you’ll never get a wife and you’ll be stuck with me.” He sounded like he
was only half joking.
Merlin’s blue eyes shadowed over with worry and he suddenly leaned in closer to
Arthur. “You wouldn’t really, would you, Arthur?” What wife would want to marry
a man who didn’t get hard in bed?
Arthur was silent for a while, his expression unreadable. Very, very quietly,
Arthur spoke, eyes looking at everything but at Merlin. “You could… marry me.”
Merlin froze, staring at Arthur and holding his breath. Was he serious?
“Arthur… You’re-- you’re joking, right?” Please be joking.
“I don’t know, Merlin, am I?” Arthur said, still not looking him in the eyes.
Merlin looked at his best friend a while longer, then sighed heavily. No,
Arthur was definitely not joking. He felt a hard knot in his gut and a horrible
churning feeling. “Arthur, best friends can’t marry each other,” he tried.
“Of course they can, Merlin, you idiot,” Arthur sighed. He grabbed Merlin’s
hand and pulled him near, hugging him tightly into his chest. “You’re all I
want. All I need.” Arthur’s voice was low and desperate.
“Arthur…” Merlin breathed, taking in the warm familiar scent he’d long grown to
love.
“Can’t you see, Merlin? I’m in love with you, and I’ll always be in love with
you. If you got a wife…” Arthur hugged him tighter, until it became hard for
him to breathe. “I’d die inside Merlin, if you got a wife.”
“Arthur, even if I got a wife, we’d still be best friends. Nothing would change
between us.” Arthur let Merlin go and Merlin wrapped his hand around Arthur’s
jaw, forcing Arthur to look him in the eyes. “Arthur, my wife would never,
could never, ever, in a million years, replace you.”
Merlin saw something then, deep in the depths of Arthur’s eyes, that startled
him. Almost with a jolt, he let go of Arthur’s jaw. What was that expression on
Arthur’s face? He couldn’t even begin to put a name to it, or describe it, and
it terrified him; shook him to his core. “Arthur--, Arthur, what is it?”
Arthur shook his head, refusing to look up.
“Arthur?”
“Nothing,” he mumbled, still not looking up.
“You know I’ll never replace you, right?” Merlin’s voice came out shrill,
tinged with his growing panic. “You’ll always be my number one, always. I love
you and nothing,no one, can change that.” His voice trembled. He was trying
desperately to make Arthur understand, to make him believe. “Arthur…?” Merlin
asked quietly, voice meek. Why had Arthur given him that look? What wasn’t he
telling him? “You believe me, right?” Merlin’s clammy hands grabbed at Arthur’s
wrists as his heart thudded loudly in his chest.
“I know,” Arthur said, blinking as if he had just come out of a trance. “I
believe you.” Arthur lay flat on his back and closed his eyes.
“W-well, good.” Merlin’s voice was still a little unsteady as he lay down next
to Arthur and put his head on the other man’s chest. “So you better remember
it!”
Arthur chuckled, and Merlin crooned, “I will always love you more than anything
else.” Merlin was smiling softly now, tracing his fingers around and around
Arthur’s chest, moving down to his belly. Continuing, he murmured, “And
remember that you fill every waking thought in my head. And everything about
you speaks to my very soul. And no matter what, I willalways love you.”
Arthur let out a happy sigh, then drawled, “Merlin, you sound like you’re
talking to someone you’re in love with.”
Merlin smiled. “That’s because I do love you.”
“How are you so sure you aren’t in love with me?”
“Because I’m not gay,” he scoffed.
“So then tell me, Merlin, how often do you wank off to me?”
At that, Merlin blushed deeply, his face flushed with heat. “I don’t have to
tell you that.” This was so embarrassing. He rolled away from Arthur and buried
his face under a pillow, hoping Arthur would drop the subject soon, but knowing
he wouldn't.
“Tell meeee.” Arthur nudged Merlin’s bottom with his feet.
“Shut up!” Merlin swatted at the space surrounding his arse in an attempt to
fend Arthur’s pesky feet off.
Arthur grinned and leaned over him, grabbing his neck in both hands and sucking
his ear. “We both know you do it. Just tell me how often.”
Merlin’s face burned. “I don’t want to talk about it. Go away!”
“So it’s that often, I see...” Arthur said, eyes widening comically as he shook
his head in shocked dismay.
Merlin rolled his eyes and looked up at the bastard, face beet-red. “Oh my fuck
Arthur, you arrogant ponce! It’s…”
Arthur’s eyes widened further at how easy it’d been to get Merlin to talk, and
the smirk on his face grew. He leaned his face in, attention completely focused
on Merlin.
“It’s... whenever you don’t fall asleep with me,” Merlin said quietly, looking
away, ashamed.
Arthur blinked in surprise. “Merlin, that’s so cute!" he exclaimed, voice maybe
a little too high-pitched.
Merlin groaned loudly and hid his face in the pillow again, blushing furiously.
Arthur moved on top of him then, swiftly lifting Merlin’s belly up from the
mattress. “Whoa!” he yelped, head shooting up in surprise. "Arthur what are
you--?"
“Can I wank you off, Merlin? Please?”
Merlin’s face turned even redder than it already was.
“Please?” Arthur was already mouthing hungrily at his ear and neck, humping
into his arse. Merlin’s breathing got hard as he balanced himself on his arms,
trying with all his might to not fall over. “Arthur..” he panted. Arthur, stop
it.
Arthur reached down and hurriedly undid Merlin’s trousers, taking out his
already hard cock. “Think of me, okay? Like what you do when you’re wanking off
alone.”
Arthur grabbed his cock and began fisting it quickly, holding Merlin tight as
Merlin tried to squirm away. “Arthur, no!” he whined loudly, not nearly strong
enough to push the other man away.
“C’mon,” Arthur moaned, continuing his constant onslaught on Merlin’s cock.
Merlin breathed heavily. The overpowering, raw sensation of Arthur’s hand on
him was too much. He bucked involuntarily into Arthur’s fist. “That’s right,
you’re doing good,” Arthur whispered, kissing along his back as Merlin let out
a cry. “Now calm down, relax. Just close your eyes and think about me.”
Merlin shook, crying a little. Arthur continued pumping him and humping his
arse with his clothed groin. Merlin then shut his eyes, imagining Arthur like
how he always did when he was alone. At this, he moaned, arching his back away
from the other man, and Arthur continued pulling on him.
Merlin panted heavily, and try as he might, he couldn’t stop his needy body
from shoving his arse ever closer into Arthur’s groin. “Arthur..” he whispered
breathily. Merlin sat up in an effort to get away, but the Prince only sat on
the bed behind him and continued pumping his cock. Merlin squirmed and whined
pitifully, but Arthur’s strong arms weren’t budging an inch. Finally he gave up
trying to escape, instead becoming lax in Arthur’s insistent hold as he huffed
with exhaustion and frustration.  
Kissing his sides and back, Arthur’s hand never ceased it’s constant tugging. A
while longer of this, and Merlin felt like he would explode. It wasn’t just the
raw physical pleasure. He was having all these terrible feelings and thoughts
as well. He couldn’t stop himself from picturing them doing all sorts of
disgusting things to each other. No matter what he tried to do, the images came
back and repeated themselves, over and over again. The longer Arthur continued
touching him, the foggier his brain became. When this happened, the more
perverted and obscene his thoughts became as well. Fighting them was an uphill
battle that he was sorely losing. Hot tears continued rolling down his cheeks.
He was a disgusting person.
Slowly, he twisted around to Arthur. Arthur smiled at him, blushing, and Merlin
involuntarily bucked up at him, then kissed him. “Arthur..” he sighed,
thrusting up into him. Why did this feel so good? Why didn’t it feel this way
with Freya? He would’ve given anything for it to feel this way with her. At
least then he would know he was a little bit normal.
Arthur moaned and pushed Merlin down so that he was on his back on the bed.
“When you touch your cock at night, do you wish I was really there?”
Merlin opened his eyes a little, still breathing hard because Arthur had not
stopped his tugging on Merlin. “Sometimes, yes, more than anything. But,” he
had to pause to moan, much to Arthur’s amusement. “Mostly, I’m glad you’re
not.” Arthur leaned in, sucking at his neck.
Merlin cried some more.
“Arthur, why do I feel this way?”
His best friend looked up, wiping Merlin’s tears away. “Feel like what?”
“I just.. I love you so much. So I have this horrible feeling of needing to be
close to you in every way. Mentally, emotionally, … physically. Like if I
could, I would cram my entire body into yours. I want to be one with you so
bad, that when you’re actually in me, even if it’s not in the way I would
prefer, it still feels unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”
Arthur nodded, understanding. “I feel that way all the time, Merlin. Like
needing to be as close to you as possible, to become one with you. And then I
can’t stop myself.”
Merlin’s eyes widened. “Arthur..--”
“Don’t you get it at all?” Arthur asked, more harshly now. “That feeling is the
feeling you get when you’re in love with someone. You don’t feel like cramming
yourself into your father, goodness forbid you don’t, no matter how much you
love him, do you?” Merlin made a shocked, disgusted face as Arthur went on,
“You don’t just love me, Merlin. You’re in love with me! Why can’t you just
accept that?”  
“No, you don’t know what you’re saying!” Merlin insisted. “I’d know if I was in
love.”
“Merlin, suck my cock,” Arthur growled, untying his trousers and grabbing
Merlin by the hair, shoving his face down.
Merlin grumbled angrily, taking Arthur’s cock. He lapped and sucked at it.
“Feels good?” Arthur asked breathily.
Merlin whimpered, not answering. His cock was erect and aching to ride Arthur.
He wanted Arthur so bad, but his body was just confused. Arthur was wrong. He
wasn’t in love, dammit. He loved Arthur, so his body wanted to literally be one
with Arthur. That was all. It wanted to be one with Arthur and would take
anything Arthur dished out, and since Arthur was always, always, fucking him,
of course his body would take that, since it was closer than all the other
kinds of physical contacts they made. That was all! He wanted to be close to
Arthur, close in every single way. But he didn’t want this!  
Merlin kept sucking as he began to absentmindedly hump the bed with his leaking
cock. “Arthur, your cock is really beautiful,” he said, letting it pop out of
his mouth and looking up at Arthur with wide, confused eyes.
Arthur kept his hand in Merlin’s hair, rubbing Merlin’s scalp gently with his
thumb. “You like sucking cock?”
Merlin shook his head from side to side. “Only yours,” he whispered, wiping at
his burning eyes as he went back down on Arthur. He seared with shame at his
confession. His best friend’scock. He liked his best friend’s cock. What kind
of sick person was he? Merlin lapped at Arthur’s balls as Arthur groaned, then
licked up Arthur’s stomach to his bellybutton. “I love you,” Merlin whined,
nibbling at him.
Arthur whimpered softly, pulling Merlin up to his face and kissing him
thoroughly. Merlin keened into the kiss, falling on his back and pulling Arthur
down with him. Arthur ground down on Merlin’s cock with his own. “Nnngh,”
Merlin whined, moaning. “Arthur, please stop. I... can’t handle any more of
this.”  
“I’m never going to stop, you idiot,” Arthur growled, kissing Merlin’s neck and
cheek and continuing to hump him. “So stop asking me,” he panted into Merlin’s
ear.
Merlin cried silently, allowing Arthur to take off his trousers and toss them
to the floor. “Arthur, please…” he whispered. “Please let me go.” As his heart
hammered too quickly in his chest, his breathing suddenly became very shallow
and he started to gasp continuously for air, which turned very quickly into
hyperventilating. Another panic attack. “Arthur..!” he cried, clutching
Arthur’s wrists. Merlin's face soon became the color of scarlet red. “Arthur, I
can’t breathe,” he gasped, tears rolling down his face.
Arthur pulled away a little, hushing him. “Merlin, Merlin, it’s okay, try to
relax.”
“I… can’t!” Merlin choked, crying, still clutching Arthur’s wrists.
Arthur stared at him, and when he realized Merlin really could not breathe, he
became distraught. “Merlin!” Arthur grabbed him into a hug and rocked him
slowly back and forth, all the while patting his back. Merlin continued gasping
and hyperventilating. “Arthur, Arthur Arthur,” Merlin babbled, crying and
leaning into the hug.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Arthur murmured, clutching him too tightly.
After a while, Merlin felt his heart rate begin to slow. Despite being the
cause for his attack, Arthur had succeeded in helping to calm him down
considerably. Merlin choked out a relieved sigh when he found he could breathe
normally again, and his head fell onto Arthur’s hard, warm, and very familiar
chest. Merlin breathed in Arthur’s scent, which helped to calm him even
further.
He knew that by now, he should associate everything-Arthur with pain, but
clearly he never did. It was like his body ignored all Arthur’s bad and felt
only the good. It was stupid and dangerous, but his body did what it did and
Merlin apparently never had any control over it.
After he calmed down, Arthur lay him in bed and blew out the candles. Merlin
was clammy with fear, curling his naked body tightly inward. Was Arthur going
to try something again? He cried softly into the pillow, his back turned away
from Arthur, who was hugging him tightly from behind.
When Arthur moved away for a few seconds, Merlin shivered without his warmth.
He could hear the shuffling of Arthur’s trousers, and he shut his eyes, hoping
with all his might Arthur wouldn’t do anything. Please, don’t hurt me again.
Merlin gritted his teeth, and he was shaking.
He heard Arthur shifting back to him, wrapping too-strong arms around him
again. Now they were both completely naked. Merlin could feel Arthur’s hard,
burning cock pressed tightly against his arse, and he shuddered, so terrified
he felt numb. Arthur curled his arms around Merlin, keeping his arms against
Merlin’s stomach. Merlin didn’t dare move and hardly breathed. He was afraid
any movement at all could cause Arthur to… He didn’t even want to think about
it. He squeezed his eyes shut and cried harder. Then he felt soft lips at the
top of his head, and at his ear, and Merlin blinked a few times, feeling
better.
Arthur began moving his hands in a circular motion around Merlin’s chest,
constantly planting soft, gentle kisses all around his shoulder and head and
face. Merlin exhaled deeply, relaxing fully into his best friend’s touches.
 
When Merlin awoke in the middle of the night from a highly erotic dream, he was
shocked to discover he had turned to face Arthur and was now rutting his cock
furiously up and down on Arthur’s stomach. He’d smeared pre-come all over the
Prince. Arthur’s eyes were wide open, gawking at Merlin and completely
bewildered. Merlin forgot to stop moving for a couple of seconds, too stunned
and much too aroused to stop right away.
Panting and out of breath, he ushered every ounce of self-control in order to
stop. He was so incredibly horny. Arthur was breathing hard too, and looked
just as turned on as Merlin felt. Right then, Merlin wanted to kiss him, wanted
to be close to him. He got up, straddling Arthur’s belly, and asked hoarsely,
“May I?”
Arthur nodded fervently and squeaked out, “Yes…!”
Merlin went down on him, kissing Arthur’s chest, and sucking hard on his neck
and jaw. As he kissed, Merlin’s hips hitched, and his cock was so hard, so
sensitive, he couldn’t help moving his hips just a little bit. Just a tiny bit
of friction was all he needed.
But the more friction he allowed his cock, the more it only seemed to need.
Little by little, he kept allowing himself to give more, and even more, until
eventually he was full on fucking into Arthur’s stomach. Merlin could feel
Arthur’s rock hard cock erect by his arse, and he needed it, needed to be
nearer to it. So Merlin rocked back just a tiny bit, until he felt it prodding
at his skin. He breathed out in sheer pleasure at the small touch.
He lay there, kissing and riding Arthur, and Arthur whimpered, relishing these
rare times where he didn’t have to use force to get Merlin to do this. Arthur
just took it all in, his hands roaming in the younger man’s hair and on his
back as he lay under Merlin and writhed with pleasure.
Eventually, Merlin pulled his head away from Arthur’s neck and moaned long and
low, quickening his thrusting as he came all over his best friend. Arthur
gasped when he felt the warm, sticky fluid coat his belly and chest.
Merlin finally settled down, breathing hard, and lay his head on Arthur’s
chest, Arthur’s erection digging into his navel now.
“Merlin,” Arthur gasped, beginning to move his hips in short thrusts. “I need…”
That was when Merlin realized Arthur hadn’t come yet. Merlin buried his face in
Arthur’s chest, allowing Arthur to fuck up into his belly, until finally he
climaxed too. Arthur exhaled deeply and contentedly, and Merlin kept his face
tucked into Arthur’s chest.
He racked his brain as he tumultuously tried to justify to himself what he’d
just done. It hadn’t been wrong, since he did refrain from kissing Arthur’s
mouth, and he’d only moved his body against Arthur’s belly. He hadn’t done
anything wrong. Nothing out of line. What about when he moved his arse to brush
against Arthur’s cock? But that was such a little thing. That didn’t count, did
it? Merlin shivered, hugging Arthur tighter. He hadn’t done anything shameful.
No, he wouldn’t, he didn’t.
Arthur wrapped a strong arm around him and murmured, “Kiss me, Merlin?”
Merlin’s head shot up almost too fast as he took Arthur’s mouth in his, kissing
his best friend, the man he loved more than anyone else, thoroughly and
passionately and tenderly. Their kiss lasted quite a while, Arthur bringing his
hands up to cup Merlin’s jaw, and Merlin grasped Arthur’s neck, pulling them
both ever closer.
Arthur broke the kiss by burying his face in Merlin’s neck, and then Merlin
finally rolled off him and curled himself in towards Arthur, closing his eyes
and holding Arthur’s hand. Arthur kissed his head, and like that, they both
fell asleep.
 
The next morning, Merlin woke up first.
Arthur was sleeping on his belly, and Merlin, to his chagrin, quickly
discovered that his face was buried underneath Arthur’s chest. "You’re-
- suffocating me!” he squeaked, shoving Arthur’s heavy body off.
Arthur stirred, blinking blearily at him. “Wha--? Merlin?” he asked sleepily.
Merlin grabbed a pillow and whacked Arthur lightly over the face with it. “Wake
up, sleepyhead,” he grinned, sitting up to stretch and yawn.
Arthur followed suit and sat up too, watching Merlin with undisguised
affection. “You are very cute when you yawn," the Prince observed.
Merlin laughed quietly. “And you,” he bopped Arthur on the nose with a finger,
“are never cute.”
Arthur chuffed, nearly giggling, and rolled his (perfect) blue eyes.
“Were you aware that you spent half the entire night smothering me?” Merlin
asked accusingly.
“Sorry about that.” Arthur smiled widely and didn’t sound sorry at all.
Merlin tackled him with the pillow. “Prat!”
Arthur fell on his face on the bed, and Merlin practically climbed on top of
him, straddling his back and shoulders while pushing his head down onto the bed
with the pillow. Arthur got up on his knees, the motion forcing Merlin to slide
off. Then Arthur reached behind him to grab Merlin’s left arm and wrapped it
around his chest as he went down on all fours.
“Whoa,” Merlin huffed, grinning into Arthur’s skin. The pillow was forgotten as
Merlin felt his cock begin to harden, digging into Arthur’s arse. Arthur rocked
back and forth teasingly, then he fell onto his face, arse sticking up in the
air. He brought Merlin down with him, and Merlin laughed, bending to give a
quick peck to Arthur’s side.
Merlin got off his best friend and made to leave, gently pulling out of
Arthur’s semi-stubborn grasp. When he managed to free himself, Arthur made a
muffled high-pitched, sad noise into the bed. Merlin looked back at him fondly,
then turned back to look for his shirt. He grabbed it and was just about to
slip it on when he happened a glance behind him again.
Arthur had gotten up into a sitting position and was gripping his cock, jerking
off slowly and staring right at him. Arthur grinned, his mouth parted slightly.
Merlin felt his heart stutter and his face heat up as he nearly did a double-
take. Internally, he was screaming. This shouldn’t turn him on, it shouldn’t
matter that his best friend was touching himself in front of him. He needed to
calm down and start thinking like a normal man for once in his life.
Merlin swallowed hard and turned around again, going back to trying to get his
shirt on, when he heard Arthur’s moan. It was quiet but needy, and Merlin’s
half-hard cock stood straight up. Trembling with want, he slowly turned back to
watch Arthur. Arthur had his eyes closed now, and was desperately pulling at
himself. As he continued to watch, Merlin accidentally dropped his shirt.
Bending down to pick it up, he heard another moan, louder this time. Merlin
looked up, forgetting his shirt, and crept over, sitting down carefully next to
Arthur.
When Merlin sat down, Arthur opened his eyes and rolled his head onto his
shoulder to look at Merlin, smiling teasingly. Merlin held his breath, smiling
back and completely captivated. Arthur then leaned over to rest his head on
Merlin’s shoulder instead, and he continued wanking himself off. Merlin found
it was becoming extremely hard to breathe properly.
After a while, he couldn’t resist putting a hand lightly over the hand of
Arthur’s that was jerking on his cock. Arthur’s eyes blinked open with
surprise, and Merlin pressed his palm a little harder on Arthur’s hand,
reaching up to kiss his best friend’s cheek gently. Arthur smiled shyly, and
Merlin sat back again, criss-crossing his legs and leaning back on his arms,
happy to just watch. Arthur blushed. “You should wank off, too.”
Merlin bit his bottom lip. “Should I?”
Arthur shot him a shockingly seductive leer. “We’re best friends, aren’t we?"
He was practically purring.
Merlin leaned into Arthur and kissed him lightly on the shoulder, then took his
own cock in hand.
Together, they jerked off, both panting and staring into each other’s eyes.
Merlin didn’t have to fantasize about anything. Just having Arthur fisting his
cock in such close proximity gave him all the arousal he needed to very
thoroughly get off. In the back of his mind, he was scorching with shame, but
at the moment, he didn’t want to focus on that. He just wanted to stare into
Arthur’s bright blue eyes and occasionally glance down at his prince’s
beautiful pink cock.
Merlin’s face heated up when Arthur bucked, moaning his name. Merlin jerked on
himself even harder. Then Arthur came a couple seconds later, and the moment he
came, the prat angled his cock towards Merlin, spraying Merlin all over with
his come. This did him in, and Merlin came immediately, mouth wide open with
shock. “Arthur!”
Merlin wiped at Arthur’s come, and before he knew what he was doing, he’d
sucked it right off the side of his thumb. Immediately, his self-disgust rose
like bile in his throat, and Merlin couldn’t believe how far he’d fallen.
Before he could think more on it, Arthur asked, “Taste good?”
Merlin looked up, and Arthur reached over to him and wiped off a slab of come
from his chest, sucking that up. Merlin stiffened, feeling his cock twitch.
Arthur didn’t seem to notice, but then he reached over and swiped a thumb over
the red, throbbing, very sensitive tip of Merlin’s cock. Merlin gasped, nearly
bucking, and Arthur licked his thumb, reaching over to swipe at more on
Merlin’s tip.
“You taste like sweet honey,” Arthur groaned happily, turning so that he was
half facing Merlin. He roughly leaned his entire body into Merlin’s as Merlin
giggled softly, allowing himself to be shoved back a bit by Arthur’s body.
Merlin loved this physical contact.
Then Arthur gave Merlin a quick, hard kiss to the cheek and moved away again.
Merlin was so horny, so turned on, he didn't want Arthur to pull away, but he
refused to let himself do anything stupid, so he mustered all his self-control
and stayed where he was, making sure to clutch the sheets so that his hands
wouldn’t somehow move on their own and grab Arthur’s cock or something. The
temptation he felt truly disturbed him. Why did he want so badly to do
something so troubling, so unnatural?
Wanting to lick off the come, Arthur swiped at the head of Merlin’s cock again,
and again, and again, and soon Merlin was humping and panting into the touch,
eyelids heavy as he tried to keep them open. Arthur never swiped nearly enough,
always leaving an ample amount of come on his cock (and more had inevitably
leaked out).
Eventually, having had just about enough, Merlin croaked, “T-think it’d be
faster if you just..” he gasped as Arthur ran a finger over his tip again, this
time pausing to rub his thumb in a circular motion to get at the come that had
just started leaking out. “...licked it off,” Merlin finished, squeaking.
Arthur looked up at Merlin through his long lashes, wonderfully blue eyes
widening innocently. “Really?” Arthur sounded surprised, but a knowing, quirky
grin was beginning to widen on his face. “Brilliant idea, Merlin!” he beamed,
eyes brimming with brazen amusement.
Merlin only nodded, unable to speak again, and Arthur bent down, licking widely
at his tip. Merlin felt awash in pleasure, a guttural groan escaping from his
lips, and he tilted his head back, panting and thrusting a little into Arthur’s
mouth. Arthur continued licking and sucking, and Merlin went dizzy with bliss.
He didn’t want Arthur to stop. Arthur should take his time. Lick off all the
last remaining come on his cock.
Arthur finished licking off most of the come, about to stand up again, but
Merlin’s hand shot out and he grabbed at Arthur’s hair, pulling him back down.
“Y-you missed a spot,” he stuttered, mind going feverish with want. Arthur
grinned indulgently. “Sorry.” And he was back at Merlin’s cock again.
Merlin was so disgusted with himself he wanted to vomit. He could feel the
ashamed tears just moments away from leaking out, and he willed them away. What
would his parents think of him, if they were to see him now? “What in the world
happened to me?” Merlin whispered, so quietly it was hardly audible. He wrapped
his arms around Arthur’s head and pulled him up, resting his cheek on top of
Arthur’s head. A few stray tears rolled down his face and he immediately wiped
at them, not wanting Arthur to see.
Arthur leaned into Merlin’s sweet, warm embrace. Then Arthur reached to his own
cock and wiped at the come there, looking up at Merlin with those large,
affectionate eyes Merlin loved. He offered his sticky index and middle fingers
to him, and Merlin didn’t want to want it, but he did. He wanted to taste it,
to taste Arthur.
Arthur prodded at his lips teasingly, and then pushed his fingers all the way
in. Merlin submissively allowed the penetration, and he sucked slowly, eyes
gradually shutting all the way. Before he knew it, he was sucking
enthusiastically, and soon he had sucked and licked all the come off.
He opened his eyes, face flushed, and Arthur leaned in and kissed his cheek
tenderly. “Like sucking?” Arthur asked, voice languid. A grin was spreading on
his semi-arrogant face.
Merlin nodded, fully aware of his still-hard cock. They stared at each other a
moment more, and then Arthur’s expression turned serious. “Merlin,” he leaned
in, whispering in Merlin’s ear, “I do love you very much.” Arthur stood up,
ruffled Merlin’s black hair, and went to put on some clothes.
 
Three years passed.
Merlin was twenty three.
Arthur was twenty eight.
 
Uther had lost his life ten months ago, killed in a skirmish, and Arthur became
Camelot’s new king. Under King Arthur’s rule, the kingdom flourished and peace
settled over the lands. He was known far and wide as a fair, just, and noble
ruler, and Merlin couldn’t be prouder.
The kingdom seemed to expect their king to marry straightaway, but Arthur
remained silent on the topic. Once, merely on a whim, Merlin brought it up, and
Arthur had grumbled, left the room, and proceeded to sulk about it for the rest
of the week. After that, Merlin was careful to never bring it up again.
With so much talk about the King’s impending (or more precisely, imaginary)
marriage, Merlin got to thinking about looking for a wife himself. However,
between all his time following Arthur around, taking care of Arthur, and making
sure Arthur was happy, he never had the time to even begin looking for a proper
wife. And even worse, King Dollophead insisted on hot and heavy make-out
sessions whenever a nice young lady just so much as glanced Merlin’s way. Of
course, Arthur almost always noticed them long before he did (Merlin was always
too busy with Arthur to keep a proper eye out for the ladies).
Throughout the years, Merlin was very nearly always with Arthur and scarcely
slept in his own bed anymore. He washed their clothes, made Arthur’s bed, and
kept everything in Arthur’s room tidy and organized. Sometimes he cooked too,
since Arthur always enjoyed his cooking. Now that Arthur was king, Merlin was
seated on the throne beside him whenever he addressed the people. Before Arthur
made any big decisions, he consulted with Merlin first, and the end decision
was made only after they both agreed on it.
To everyone, Merlin seemed as chipper and as bright as always. Few could have
guessed the terrible emotions he harbored, bubbling just beneath his exterior.
Every time he gave in to his sexual feelings, every time Arthur forced him down
and made him feel... those things, he died a little inside. Merlin was slowly
becoming increasingly troubled and depressed, sinking into a dark pit that he
could not pull himself out of. Arthur never seemed to notice any of this.
Merlin hid it well because he loved Arthur and didn’t want Arthur to worry.
One day, Arthur decided he wanted to go hunting. They ended up not doing very
much hunting at all. Once in the woods, Arthur playfully tackled Merlin down
and proceeded to make sweet, sweet love to him.
As Arthur pounded into his wet, aching hole, Merlin threw his head back in
euphoria and moaned. “A-arthur.. Arthur..,” he whined, pulling Arthur even
closer.
They went on like this for quite some time. Before he knew it, Merlin was
screaming for Arthur to go faster, harder. His voice seemed to echo throughout
the trees, and that’s when he saw them. His parents. They were on horseback,
riding over in Merlin and Arthur’s general direction.
Merlin immediately scrambled up to a sitting position, his face stark-red and
his entire body aflame with the most shame he’d ever felt. He was beyond
mortified. His parents! They had seen, and heard, him acting like a desperate,
wanton whore to the man they knew had been raping him his whole life. What must
they think of him now?
Arthur sat back, alarmed at first, but when he saw Merlin’s parents, his alarm
quickly turned to concern for Merlin.
“T-they saw me,” Merlin stammered, shaking. Tears were already beginning to
dribble down his cheeks. He watched as his parents paused in shock, then
swerved to move around him, before continuing on to the castle. Of course they
would move around him. Why would they want to speak to him now?
“Merlin, it’s alright,” Arthur tried, but Merlin shook his head vigorously.
“No! Did you see that Arthur? They completely avoided me! They don’t want to
talk to me anymore. They’re probably ashamed to call me their son, ashamed they
ever gave birth to such a good-for-nothing cock slut!”
Arthur quirked up his eyebrows. “Now Merlin, that’s a bit extreme. Of course
they avoided us. We’re two grown men fucking in the woods. Did you think they
would ride up and make friendly chit chat? Maybe set up a picnic?”
Merlin was already gathering his clothes. He was shaking and crying, and he
could feel his chest constricting painfully. He was beginning to
hyperventilate. In his rush to get his clothes on, Merlin tripped and would
have sprawled right into the nearby stream, had it not been for Arthur reaching
out quickly to steady him.
“Don’t touch me!” Merlin impulsively cried out, slapping Arthur’s hands away.
“Merlin..”
“No!” Merlin tried to ignore the hurt in Arthur’s eyes, but instead the pain he
felt at hurting Arthur only caused him to cry harder.
“Merlin, you’re having another one of your episodes. Stay with me until you
calm down,” Arthur tried again.
Merlin tottered away, ignoring his king and not once looking back. His mind was
a black hurricane of thoughts and fears and emotions. He hated himself, he
hated everything Arthur had turned him into. And he was trapped. Trapped in
this sort of despicable way of living forever. He already knew he could never
leave. He loved Arthur far too much, and he’d miss Arthur if he left. Arthur
was his life.
But Arthur made him hate his life. And now, and now, his parents hated him too.
Had that been hatred he saw in their eyes? He couldn’t be sure. His memory was
hazy now, but it could’ve been. It probably was. Who wouldn’t hate him after
what they saw? He had been begging his rapist to keep going. He had liked it,
he had wanted it, wanted more of it. He was a sick, disgusting freak, and now
his parents knew it, too. It’s who I am, I’m a freak and I’ll always be a
freak.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Arthur running after him.
He didn’t notice until Arthur lightly touched his shoulder. High strung and on
edge, Merlin whipped around, shrieking, “Stop!” before slapping Arthur straight
across the face.
Arthur blinked at him, pain, shock, and hurt causing his face to crumple, and
then Merlin spun back around again and continued to stumble, very slowly, away.
Arthur didn’t come after him again. This knowledge caused the ache in Merlin’s
heart to burn ever deeper.
He made his way into the castle’s attic and lay down in the hay. His world
began blurring, and Merlin started seeing double as he continued to sob loudly.
Everything seemed to twist upside down, twisting, twisting, and eventually he
wasn’t sure if he was on the floor, the ceiling, or on one of the walls.
Perhaps it was the fact that he was still hyperventilating and therefore not
getting enough oxygen. Merlin couldn’t be sure, but he stayed there crying as
everything continued to blur, and colors and shapes began twisting
disproportionately in his eye’s mind.
He spent all the rest of that day and all night there, screaming silently.
 
Arthur didn’t come find him.
That broke his heart.
Arthur hated him now, too.
Was it the slap? Merlin trembled. He didn’t mean to hit Arthur.
 
No one cared about him anymore. Arthur wouldn’t care if he stayed up in that
attic for a whole month, or for forever. He’d lost everyone.
 
Merlin heard voices whispering things in his head.
He couldn't understand what they were saying, but they sounded terrifying.
 
That afternoon, as if on autopilot, he got up on a nearby stool, tied a rope
around the wooden beam near the ceiling, and then finally, around his neck.
Once he was sure the rope would hold, he kicked the stool out from under him.
The sudden rush of pain to his throat caused him to whimper, and his mind went
black, save for the white noise buzzing in his ears. It was painful now, but he
knew it would all be over soon.
Seemingly out of nowhere, Merlin thought he heard a distant shout, and then his
body was hoisted up to prevent further choking. Arthur? He opened his eyes, and
sure enough, Arthur had a knife in hand, quickly cutting Merlin down. The older
man was frantic, his blue eyes wide, and he was crying loudly. “Merlin, Merlin,
Merlin,” Arthur choked out. “I fall asleep for one second and this is what you
do?!” He was shouting now.
Merlin’s swollen red eyes widened. What?
It is only then that he becomes fully aware of his surroundings for the first
time. Tucked away, not fifteen feet from where he’d been, is Arthur’s bright
red cape. Merlin felt a warm flutter in his chest. Arthur had followed him.
He’d waited up with him this whole time.
Merlin felt a hard slap to his face. His eyes refocused and he looked up at
Arthur.
“Why would you do something like that?!” Arthur screamed, shaking him. “Why?”
Merlin blinked a few times, not knowing where to begin. Arthur hadn’t stopped
crying. He was full-on sobbing, and Merlin cried harder. He didn’t want Arthur
to cry. Only he got to cry, because he was a nobody, and Arthur was the best
king Camelot’s ever known.
“Are you that ashamed of us?!” Arthur yelled, his face bright red. “ANSWER ME!”
Merlin winced at Arthur’s fingers, which were digging very painfully into his
shoulders. “M-my parents--”
“No!” Arthur screamed, shoving Merlin hard to the ground. “YOU ARE NOT, UNDER
ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ALLOWED TO LEAVE ME!”
“I didn--”
“NOT THROUGH DEATH, ESPECIALLY!” Arthur was livid, his eyes gone wild and
crazed. Merlin could see Arthur was visibly shaking, and it sent a thrill of
fear through him. “You’re so ashamed of us that you’d kill yourself?” Arthur
raged on. Before Merlin could say anything, Arthur dragged him up by his upper
arm. Merlin was dragged through the castle, outside, and then all the way down
to town square. “Arthur, what are you doing?” Merlin’s whispered voice was
edged with panic.
Arthur tossed him down onto the hard dirt ground. “Ladies and gentlemen! Merlin
here wants to put on a show!”
Merlin’s blood ran cold and his heart dropped. No. He wouldn’t.
As the confused crowd gathered around their revered King, Merlin tried once
again to run, but Arthur grabbed him and forced him down.
“Arthur, no no, please stop!” he begged.
Arthur tore at his clothes, and Merlin twisted and cried loudly. “No! Stop!
Arthur!” The terrifying look in Arthur’s eyes was one he had never seen before,
but even then, Merlin realized that it didn’t look out of place on Arthur’s
face at all.
He sobbed as more people gathered. His vision was so blurry with tears that he
could barely make out their faces, and the sound of his screaming and his
viciously pounding heart was so loud in his ears that it drowned out nearly the
entire crowd.
Soon he was naked, and then Arthur, still fully clothed, reached into his
trousers and took out his cock. With no preparations whatsoever, he savagely
drove it into Merlin. A shrieking scream ripped from Merlin’s lungs, and he
gulped in huge amounts of air as he gasped from the pain. He felt every muscle
and sinew in his body bunch up. He was sobbing, begging, but Arthur showed no
signs of letting up, continuing to thrust savagely into his hole.
Merlin lashed out at him, clawing and kicking and biting like an animal. He’d
never truly gotten violent with his best friend before, could never bear to
hurt him, but now Merlin felt like he was fighting for something akin to his
life, his very soul.
When Arthur finally punched him in the face, the shock stilled Merlin for a
second, and then Arthur was dragging him to a wooden pole meant for holding
livestock. Arthur grabbed a thick rope still hanging from it and roughly tied
up Merlin’s wrists. Merlin screamed and tried to drag away, but Arthur was so
much stronger. The King bound his wrists so tightly that Merlin winced in pain
after Arthur was done tying them.
When Arthur got behind him again, Merlin moved his body around in a vain
attempt to dislodge his attacker, but Arthur easily forced himself inside,
leaving Merlin only to sob. It hurt. So much.
As Arthur kept thrusting into him, Merlin eventually slumped against the pole,
exhausted.
“Untie me,” he croaked after a while, wincing as another thrust from Arthur
made the ropes scratch at his raw and bruised wrists. Arthur grunted, but
mercifully reached over and undid the ropes. Merlin slumped to the dirt,
groaning in absolute relief.   
As he lay there and Arthur went back to pumping in and out of him, eventually
the pain dulled, and he could feel his cock begin to fatten as it twitched. No
no no.
“LOOK! HE’S HARD! HE’S LIKING IT!” Arthur immediately jeered, grabbing Merlin’s
hard cock and shaking it about for all to see.
Merlin whimpered and cried into the ground, gasping for breath. By now, he was
shaking uncontrollably. He couldn’t breathe. He was numb, and even though he
was taking in huge gulps of air, it wasn’t enough.
“You ashamed? ARE YOU ASHAMED NOW?” Arthur screamed, grabbing Merlin up into a
sitting position and shaking him violently. Merlin’s face was bright red, and
he focused on trying to get in air. Arthur tossed him back down, hard.
Merlin continued to cry, and his hands went up to his neck as he wheezed. This
was all too much. The crowd, Arthur, the absolute humiliation. Merlin was
getting increasingly light-headed with oxygen deprivation.
Then Arthur cradled one hand behind Merlin’s scalp as he reached with the other
to grab Merlin’s clothes. In one deft movement, Arthur crashed the clothing
down on Merlin’s face, smothering him. Arthur’s other hand moved to strangle
him, and Merlin gurgled and choked. He tried to scream, but with the King’s
strong hands around his throat, Merlin found that no sound came out. Arthur is
going to kill me. Merlin struggled a tiny bit, but otherwise he began to go
still. He could only faintly feel Arthur fucking into him again.
As everything nearly went black, Arthur drew back the clothes and let go of
Merlin’s neck. Merlin gasped for air, coughing, his eyes red and bulging.
“You hate me that much, do you, Merlin?” Arthur growled, hips snapping against
Merlin’s as he tugged at Merlin’s hair painfully. Merlin’s chest hurt like
hell, and his head throbbed, but he used all his remaining strength, every last
ounce, to shakily struggle up onto his hands and knees, dislodging Arthur’s
cock from his arse in the process. He actually managed to speak coherently,
even if it was only in a hoarse gasp.
“I-I could never hate you. I love you.”
Arthur visibly flinched, and Merlin pushed his arse at Arthur’s cock gently,
pressing himself against it. He looked over his shoulder at Arthur and
whimpered, “I’m sorry I made you so mad. Please forgive me. Let’s just forget
all this ever happened.” Merlin longed for his sweet Arthur, his kind Arthur.
The one who flecked his cheeks with kisses rather than punches, whose hands
were gentle rather than punishing. He longed for the Arthur he grew up with and
loved so much. If he just stopped fighting, maybe that Arthur would return to
him.
Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hair and shoved the side of his face down into the
dust. He climbed on top and pushed his cock inside. Merlin closed his eyes and
grunted.
“Merlin, you fucking idiot,” Arthur hissed. Merlin let out a loud cry when
Arthur’s cock hit his prostate. His cock leaked precome, darkening the ground
under him when it dripped down. Merlin panted, feeling his body flush up and
constrict, this time, with pleasure instead of pain.   
“If you stay with me now, I’ll never let you go,” Arthur threatened, his voice
dark. “I’ll never stop fucking you. I’ll never stop ramming my big fucking cock
inside you. Every single fucking day. And I’ll make sure you never get a wife.
I’ll force you to fuck me for the rest of your life. Now tell me Merlin, do you
love me? Do you still love me? Fuck, I swear, if you say you love me, I’ll
really do it. I’ll keep you forever and I’ll make your life a living hell.
Because I will fuck you until you give in. Until your learn to enjoy it, until
you stop crying every damn time and love it-- truly love it. I’ll never, ever
stop.”
Merlin was still sobbing, this time his face flat down on the ground. He could
hardly believe his horrible fortune. He spluttered when he almost choked on
inhaled dust.
Arthur was still fucking him, harder and rougher now, and Merlin whimpered as
he tried to hide his face. “I love you,” Merlin whispered. Before Arthur was
sure what he was hearing, Merlin reached an arm all the way up to wrap a hand
around Arthur’s neck, and then he yanked Arthur’s face down to his on the
ground. Arthur inhaled sharply, and Merlin mumbled, “I will always love you.”
That did it.
Arthur hoisted him up with far, far more force than strictly necessary, and
Merlin’s eyes widened in fear. Instinctively, his arms shot out to grab his
clothes, but Arthur roughly kicked his arms away. “You won’t be needing those!”
he laughed, and the crowd, which had gotten rowdy and excited a long time ago,
laughed with him.
Towards the back of the crowd, Merlin thought he could make out Gwen and Elyan.
They were being ushered back by guards, and.. was Gwen crying? He didn’t have
time to think as Arthur dragged him away again. Merlin grabbed on to random
poles or doors or market stalls, anything to try to get away, but Arthur only
yanked him away each time.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” It was Morgana. Merlin looked up and saw her
face convulsed in pure rage. She flew at Arthur and attacked him, clawing at
his face. “LET HIM GO!” She was screaming and crying as guards, with surprising
difficulty, dragged her away. “FUCK YOU ARTHUR PENDRAGON! I will NEVER forgive
this!” The always-present crowd, so impossibly entertained by it all, was so
loud, Merlin barely caught her words. Arthur didn’t seem fazed at all, and he
continued pulling Merlin away from the town square.
As Arthur yanked a struggling Merlin around the corner of a shop, Merlin
accidentally slammed his face right into the brick wall of the building. He
gasped, pain shooting through him as a terrifying amount of blood shot from his
nose and rushed down his face. When Arthur saw the blood, Merlin could’ve sworn
he saw guilt flash in his eyes, but it disappeared quickly as Arthur continued
to drag him onwards.
When they finally made it to Arthur’s chambers, Arthur shoved Merlin down on
his knees and pulled out his cock. “Suck,” he commanded. Merlin looked up,
tears never stopping. Blood continued dripping down his chin and onto his chest
and kerchief.
Crying loudly, he took Arthur’s cock in his mouth and sucked gently, carefully.
He didn’t even know it was possible to hate himself more than he already did,
but in that moment, he did, because as he sucked, his cock took interest, and
soon he was fully erect, pale cock sticking straight out, yearning for the
warmth of Arthur. Arthur seemed to notice too, and he pulled his cock out of
Merlin’s mouth. With his boot, Arthur very lightly nudged at Merlin’s slender
cock, causing it to bob up and down. Merlin cried out a strangled moan,
gasping. He was so hard.  
Arthur hoisted Merlin up and easily carried him over his shoulder to his bed.
He threw Merlin down, hard enough that he bounced a few times. Then Arthur
began stripping.
Merlin lay there, frozen in fear. He tried to tell himself to breathe. He told
himself that surely the worst had passed. He couldn’t stop crying though, and
shaking, but he’d calmed himself down a fraction. Only then did he begin to
notice the stinging, biting pain around his neck and wrists. Both were bruised
black and blue, raw, and bleeding a little in some areas.   
Once naked, Arthur straddled him, and Merlin shivered. Then Arthur shoved into
Merlin’s sore hole, and Merlin struggled slightly, but otherwise went limp and
pliant once Arthur really got to work. Merlin shut his eyes and bit his lip,
still crying, but silently now.
Arthur, still thrusting, bent and took Merlin’s mouth in a surprisingly tender
kiss. Merlin refused to open to him, knowing how easily he’d fall if he allowed
the kiss. Arthur’s kisses were always his undoing. If he kissed back, how could
he ever resist his King, his best friend?
Arthur tongued at his lips for a few seconds, his mouth begging, until Merlin
was forced to face the fact that Arthur would find his way in somehow or other,
and so he finally allowed him access. Both Arthur’s mouth and tongue were wet,
warm, and tantalizingly tender, and Merlin didn’t want to want Arthur’s kiss.
Despite what he did or didn’t want, Merlin kissed back like how he was expected
to. Carefully at first, but, his heart filling with dread, he soon recognized
the rabid fervor with which he was beginning move his lips and tongue. He knew
then that he couldn’t stop himself. He tangled his fingers in Arthur’s hair,
pulling him in closer. The kiss felt so good, so Arthur, and Merlin didn’t want
them to stop. Arthur kept rutting into him, and Merlin moaned, his hard cock
getting ample friction off of Arthur’s stomach. He wanted more, so much more of
this.
They kept moving, moving for the longest time, Arthur’s hips constantly
snapping up into Merlin and Merlin writhing in pure pleasure. They were panting
harshly when Arthur at last pulled his face away. He looked Merlin straight in
the eyes, and he was crying, despite still fucking into him.
“Arthur..?”
Arthur quickly shushed him and wrapped strong arms around him, embracing Merlin
fully and completely. He breathed Merlin in, tucking his nose into Merlin’s
semi-wet hair and hugging him like he was Arthur’s personal teddy bear. He
kissed Merlin’s cheeks and wiped the blood away from Merlin’s nose and neck.
They kissed again, desperately and sweetly, and when Arthur went back to
hugging him, Merlin hugged back.
Then Arthur pulled away a second time, and, thrusting gently in and out, he
spoke, voice ragged. “Merlin, I’m so sorry.”
Merlin propped up on his elbows and reached over to wipe the tears from his
best friend’s eyes. “It’s okay--”
“No!” Arthur yelled, startling Merlin’s hand away. “It’s not okay, and you’ve
been making excuses for my behavior your entire life.”
Merlin’s eyes were glazed over though, and he looked like his mind was anywhere
but on Arthur’s words. Indignantly, Arthur shook him. “Are you even paying
attention to me?”  
Merlin blinked a couple times, face flushed red. “Yes,” he panted. “T-though,
you could pull out while you talk?” he suggested meekly. He couldn't imagine
how Arthur could possibly think fucking and having a serious conversation at
the same time would work. At least not with him.
Huffing, Arthur slipped his cock out, and Merlin sighed. Then Arthur lay on top
of him, their cocks shoved up against each other, and Merlin’s dopey-eyed look
suddenly came back again. This time, a smug, slightly amused grin spread on
Arthur’s face, and he pecked the top of Merlin’s sweet-smelling head. “Pay
attention, Merlin.”
“I am!” Merlin blubbered, face reddening more than it already was.
Arthur cleared his throat. Clearly he was having a hard time with this. His
eyes were beginning to go red again. Speaking slowly, Arthur said quietly, “I
fully understand I was the cause for your pain. The pain that... made you
nearly,” he took a shaky breath. “...take your own life.” At this, his voice
cracked, and he began to cry again. “Merlin, I’m so sorry. Nothing I do will
ever make up for the pain I’ve caused you. You, the more important person in my
life. And I couldn’t bear for you to die. To know that in this world, you don’t
exist anymore. It would destroy me.”
Merlin felt tears prick at his eyes, and when Arthur hugged him, sobbing into
his neck, Merlin sobbed too. They held each other and cried for what seemed
like forever.
When Arthur could speak again, he murmured quietly, “I know that, if I truly
love you, I will be able to let you go. To let you be happy, even if it’s not
with me.” Merlin’s eyes widened, larger than they’ve ever been.
“What are you saying?” he whispered, afraid to move, afraid to breathe. He was
scared any sudden movement or noise would suddenly shatter Arthur’s resolve,
would suddenly make Arthur change his mind.
“Go marry. Get a wife. And I swear on my mother’s memory, I won’t ever touch
you again.” Merlin could see the set determination and utter resolution on
Arthur’s face. In that moment, the King looked more serious and intense than
Merlin’s ever remembered him looking.
Arthur buried his face into Merlin’s blood-caked neck. Then he again moved his
hips, easing his cock back into Merlin’s hole. “This will be our last time,”
Arthur breathed shallowly. “If I am to keep my promise, Merlin, you must leave
Camelot and never come back.”
“What?” Merlin choked, tearing his face and neck away from Arthur. Arthur
numbly ignored his outburst, only hugging Merlin back to him as he continued
fucking into him.
“Arthur!” Merlin protested.
Arthur looked up at him, cueing him to continue speaking as he continued
driving his hips into Merlin.
“What do you mean I have to leave Camelot if I got a wife?” The anger bubbling
up inside Merlin threatened to burst. “I can’t leave you! I love you!” he full-
on shouted.
Arthur broke eye contact. “You must. I will never be able to trust myself
around you. If you continue to live here, I don’t know how long my resolution
will last.”
“Arthur,” Merlin growled, grabbing Arthur’s biceps and forcing Arthur to look
at him. Gritting his teeth, he spat, “I was going to kill myself because I’d
rather die trying to escape my life here than leave you.”  
Arthur looked flabbergasted, as if he had never quite thought of it that way
before, and finally his thrusts halted. The King’s eyes were round with awe and
confusion, and he had to take a quiet moment to process what the other man had
just said.
Finally, without a single word, Arthur resumed his pounding into Merlin. This
time, as he stared down at the ethereal man beneath him, it was with a new
sense of wonder.
Merlin moaned quietly, wrapping his legs around his Arthur’s waist. He buried
his face in Arthur’s shoulder and neck and continued moaning as the King moved
in deeper, slowly, and sensually, still hitting him deep and hard at the end of
each drawn-out thrust.
Merlin let out a low, guttural groan as his entire body moved to this new
rhythm. Arthur suckled gently around his neck and shoulders, and then kissed
even more gently all around his face, running his hands through Merlin’s semi-
damp hair. Merlin could do nothing but take the pleasure, his eyes shut tightly
and his head swimming with lust and want. He internally cursed Arthur for
knowing how to pleasure him as well as he did. Merlin’s soft, pliant body
allowed Arthur to do whatever he wanted, and Merlin keened quietly in absolute
pleasure.
“Then...,” Arthur whispered, still fucking him slowly and peering up through
long, wet lashes. Arthur’s blue eyes were so much bluer, electric even, in
contrast with his pink cheeks and swollen red lips.
Low voice tinged with a quiet, horrible desperation, Arthur asked, “...marry
me, Merlin?” Merlin felt his heart suddenly stutter, and then, at another slow
thrust from Arthur, his head fell back, and Merlin moaned again, low and long.
He hugged Arthur tight and buried his face in him, taking in Arthur’s
wonderfully familiar scent. Arthur moved faster in him, and Merlin kept moaning
and whining with pleasure, panting and arching up into him. Nodding his head
fervently, he gasped, “Yes, yes, Arthur, I’ll marry you.” Immediately after,
both he and Arthur came.
 
Needless to say, everyone was quite shocked when the (consenting) engagement
was announced. Even on the day of the wedding, a few people still looked like
they were fully expecting Merlin to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to the
altar.
Merlin, however, knew this was the way it had to be. Here, at the wedding altar
with Arthur, was where he was always going to end up. Did he actually think he
ever really stood a chance? That it was ever going to end any other way? He
would rather die than marry a woman and then have to stay away from Arthur for
the rest of his life, and if he was never going to marry, if he was really
going to spend the rest of his life fucking Arthur Pendragon, then why not seal
the deal? Why not make it official, make Arthur happy, and just marry him? He
was marrying for love, just not the kind of love everyone thought of when they
thought of a married couple.
When the words, “I do,” left Merlin’s lips, he’d never been more sure of
anything in his entire life. For once, he knew, without a shred of a doubt,
that this was what he was always meant to do. His place would always be by
Arthur’s side, now, and forever.
 
That night, after their wedding, Arthur took Merlin to their chambers. Merlin
allowed his new husband to strip him of his clothes and have slow, gentle sex
with him. For the first time in his entire life, he put up no resistance
whatsoever. “I’m completely and wholly yours now,” he had explained.
 
Very soon after their marriage, something changed in Arthur. He was calmer,
like he was finally secure about Merlin’s love for him, and he no longer needed
to have sex with Merlin every single day to prove it to himself. He now allowed
Merlin to take a lot of nights at his own pace. Not every intimate late-night
touch turned into sex anymore.
Of course, then, Arthur became quite the tease. He’d get on Merlin, push his
face into the pillow, and dry hump his little arse until they both came, or do
things like torment Merlin every night by sleeping tantalizingly naked.
Sometimes, he got Merlin to beg for him to just get it over with already!, and
other times, Merlin, in a crazed frenzy, wouldn’t wait for Arthur at all and
would just pull both their trousers down and get it over with himself. Also
very common were the times when Merlin didn’t give in at all, only burying his
face in his pillow while gasping and moaning as his body thrust itself into
Arthur’s touch.
A stranger would think this was all just a big game for Arthur, just his way of
testing how irresistible he really was to another man. Merlin knew better
though. He knew that it took Arthur a mountain of self-control to hold back on
simply taking Merlin whenever he felt like it, especially since he never had to
try to hold back before. What Arthur was doing now was taking their marriage
seriously. He was trying his best to allow Merlin to (mostly) be an equal in
their bed. When Merlin reflected on all this, it warmed his heart and sent tiny
butterflies fluttering in his belly. He didn’t think Arthur could be more
endearing.  
Merlin determinedly played his part in the marriage as well. During sex or
intense touching, he kept his resolve from their wedding night and no longer
fought back, struggled, or tried to run away. Whenever Arthur touched him,
Merlin willed himself to allow the touches. Day by day, he slowly retrained his
brain to stop perceiving every touch as a threat, as something to shy away
from.  
After a few years of this, Merlin found that, shockingly, somewhere down the
line, he had started to actually look forward to having sex with his husband.
There were nights when, after tons of casual touching and lots of mutual
staring, Arthur would finally lead Merlin by the hand up towards their
chambers, and Merlin would be surprised to feel a thrill of anticipation shoot
through him as he followed Arthur up the steps.
Now, when they made love, he was (almost easily) able to fight fight down the
old feelings of shame and panic. Arthur was not only his best friend now, but
forever his husband, and married couples did these sort of things. There was
nothing to be ashamed of, even if they were both men. He still didn’t believe
he was in love with Arthur, but their sex had greatly improved since he drowned
out his conflicting feelings.
There were plenty of nights and mornings now where they would roll around
together in bed for hours, giggling like little school girls and teasing each
other relentlessly until his face hurt from smiling too much. He couldn’t
remember when he’d been so genuinely happy.  
 
It was around this time, when their relationship was the strongest it had ever
been, that the two of them, trekking through the woods, found a newborn baby.
When they first laid eyes on the child, Merlin and Arthur stopped in their
tracks, as if both had suddenly walked into a wall. They just stood there and
stupidly oogled the child for a good ten seconds.
She bore a suspiciously close resemblance to both Arthur and himself, but of
course Merlin waved it off as coincidence. The child’s skin was soft and milky
white. Her eyes were a brilliant blue (Arthur’s exact shade, actually. Weird.)
She had short, blonde hair with full, cupid-bow lips (later Arthur would
remark, “But Merlin, I swear, she has an exact replica of your lips!”)
The first to break the strange, awed silence was Merlin.
“She’s… beautiful,” he whispered, moving over to pick up the tiny baby girl.
Arthur murmured, just as in awe, “She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever
seen.”
Merlin gave him a look, and he quickly corrected himself. “A-after you, of
course, my love.” Arthur cleared his throat rather sheepishly, and if not for
the baby in his arms, Merlin would have gone over there and swatted his dorky
king.
Arthur crept closer to them and wound his arms around Merlin’s waist, nuzzling
into Merlin’s neck and murmuring, “I really do mean it, Merlin. You are the
most beautiful thing in my entire universe.”
A grin broke on Merlin’s face, and he blushed. “I know.”
Kissing the child very, very gently on her head, Merlin handed her over so that
Arthur could hold her too.
 
They looked far and wide for the baby’s mother, but after a few months, she was
still nowhere to be found. Secretly Merlin was relieved (and he highly
suspected Arthur was, too.) They decided to adopt the child as their own, and
she was given the name Ygraine, after Arthur’s mother.
The first year was truly horrendous, but they took turns waking up in the
middle of the night to tend to her. Just knowing they were both in this
together helped a great deal.
Usually, in everyday situations, Arthur would have Merlin doing all the work,
but when it came to their daughter, the King would have none of it. He
proclaimed that he wanted to be just as big a part of her life as Merlin was,
no matter which parts of that life it may be. And so, the husbands took turns
doing everything, whether it was feeding, burping, changing, or anything else
she might have needed.
When Ygraine became a toddler, she proved to be even more of a handful, giving
both men a run for their money. She was really quite exhausting, and they were
thankful whenever Merlin’s parents or Gaius offered to watch after her for an
afternoon or so.
One day, to Merlin’s dismay, three year old Ygraine’s eyes flashed gold, and
she magically swiped the forbidden cookie from the counter, right in front of
both him and his husband. Merlin slowly and fearfully turned his head to Arthur
to gauge his response, preparing to defend their child at all costs (verbally
of course, he knew Arthur would never hurt her), but Arthur was immediately
elated, insisting magic “couldn’t be all bad” if their “innocent cute little
daughter” possessed it. That’s when Merlin thought, oh fuck it, and promptly
revealed his own magic. Arthur, after his initial shock, only pulled Merlin
into a wet kiss and grumbled about how he should’ve told him sooner and about
how much of an idiot Merlin was to think he had to hide that from him (“I’m
your soul mate, for goodness sakes! Remember? You said we were soul mates!”)
Looking back, Merlin actually didn’t know why he always thought Arthur would
react so badly.
“So… I take it that means you still love me?” Merlin chuffed, nearly giggling.
“Yes, but your execution is still required bright and early tomorrow morning.”
“Ygraine’s too?”  
 
A couple more years passed (magic was now restored to the land), and Arthur
took to taking Ygraine horseback riding. He bought her a beautiful, fuzzy pony
with a pelt the exact same shade of her creamy golden hair. Merlin watched
proudly as Arthur moved on to teaching their little girl how to swordfight.
Merlin did his part in teaching her to hone and perfect her magic, and he
taught her all about the different types of spells and herbs.
As Princess Ygraine reached her teenaged years, her prominent cheekbones
emerged, along with her tall and very slender figure. She was beautiful, and
moved about gracefully. Despite being thoroughly spoiled as a child by
absolutely everyone, Ygraine had none of Arthur’s initial prattiness or
arrogance. She was a sweet soul, doing everything with an air of grace and
gentleness. Quite frankly, she also seemed to be wise beyond her years. The
kingdom revered her, and her fathers could not be prouder of the person she had
grown to become.  
 
Decades past.
Albion, under King Arthur’s reign, now knew only continuous peace.
 
Sometimes, Merlin and Arthur would go up to the roof of the castle and look out
over Camelot, holding hands and not saying a word. Merlin would reflect on all
they’ve been through together, from the very beginning to the present. He
thought about the beautiful, kind daughter they’d raised. He thought about how
much he loved Arthur, about his initial struggles before their marriage.
Most of all though, he thought about how he wouldn’t change any of it even if
he could.
 
It isn’t until after Arthur takes his final breath in Merlin’s arms out on the
deserted battlefield, many, many years later, that Merlin, screaming his
torture up into the sky, realizes he has been an idiot. Because he has always
been in love with Arthur Pendragon.
 
Well over a thousand years go by.
 
When Merlin finds him again, Arthur is eight years old. Though he longs, more
than anything, to approach him, Merlin stops himself. It’s not yet time. He
resolves to watching Arthur from afar, waiting yet some more. Just a little
longer.  
In this lifetime, Arthur has the privilege of growing up with both parents.
Merlin does a double take the first time he sees Ygraine. She reminds him
shockingly of his and Arthur’s daughter, in nearly every way possible. With her
around, Uther is kind and joyous; a warm man. Merlin has never seen this side
of him, and he doubts anyone in Camelot (after Ygraine’s death) has seen it
either.
There is something different about Arthur. With kind, doting parents, he too,
grows up to become kind. Merlin sees no traces of the Arthur whose eyes had
gleamed with a crazed fervor as he tore Merlin’s clothes from his body. No
traces of the Arthur who would push him down, have his way with him, and not
give two shits about his feelings.
No, this Arthur is noble and kind all around, and Merlin almost wishes he’d
been that way in his first life. Almost.
 
When Arthur is in his first year of university, Merlin decides the time is
finally right. They’re alone in the locker rooms, both wearing nothing but
towels around their hips. Not saying a thing, Merlin grins and swaggers over.
He’s waited so long for this. He is brimming with unconcealed anticipation. At
last. This is his--their, moment.
Merlin at least has the strength to hold back his tears (just barely), and he
puts all of his effort into not smiling too hard. He doesn’t want to scare
Arthur away before he can even utter a single word.
As far as he can tell, Arthur is straight in this lifetime, like he claimed he
was in his past life. The moment Arthur lays eyes on him, however, Merlin sees
his cock twitch in his towel. Arthur looks perplexed by his own reaction, and
he blushes furiously, but Merlin only walks closer. Merlin moves in so close
that their groins nearly press together. Arthur takes a sharp intake of breath,
and their faces are mere inches apart. Suddenly, recognition goes off like
fireworks in his eyes.  
The fact that Arthur died not knowing was Merlin’s single largest regret, so he
makes sure the first words Arthur hears out of his mouth are, “You were right.
I’ve always been in love with you.”
 
There, he has finally said it. With a smirk on his face, he thinks, It only
took a thousand years.


End Notes
     I'm well aware that the ending was not in any way ideal for some
     people, as most will have wanted Merlin to leave Arthur, but please
     keep in mind that this entire fic really was just my personal
     daydream (one that I wanted to put into words), and while writing it,
     I was very aware of what I knew the readers would expect/want, but I
     wanted to write it the way I originally thought it out and I didn't
     want fear of what others would think to influence it. I also wrote it
     knowing full-well that it was just a fic. I do NOT condone real rape
     nor abuse, and no one should take my fic to have any hidden meanings
     on those subjects.
     If you have read this all the way through, thank you so much!
     This is my first real fic and kind comments would be very greatly
     appreciated! :)
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