Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/11831334. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: M/M Fandom: 방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS Relationship: Jeon_Jungkook/Kim_Taehyung_|_V Character: Jeon_Jungkook, Kim_Taehyung_|_V Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega_Dynamics, Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Implied/ Referenced_Underage_Sex, tense_home_life, Slice_of_Life, -Ish, Angst, Mpreg, Past_Relationship(s) Series: Part 1 of Anyone_Else_But_You Stats: Published: 2017-09-09 Completed: 2017-10-21 Chapters: 21/21 Words: 27249 ****** Anyone Else But You ****** by thefunboys Summary Taehyung is seventeen and pregnant. He isn’t looking for love anymore but Jungkook, the quiet alpha who's back in town, is more than willing to give it. ***** Chapter 1 ***** Chapter Notes I have a lot of this already written, and the chapters will be short bc im trying something out. please enjoy! “Please, make sure your measuring cups are set at eye level andon a flat surface. I know more than one of you had faulty results last week and I assure you this had everything to do with it. I cancelled tomorrow's quiz—” A few kids whoop at the news. “—so you guys have more time for the report.” A collective groan comes from the class. As Mrs. Do continues parsing through the lab worksheet’s points of ambiguity, Taehyung turns his attention to the window beside his desk. It's a crisp October day, a smooth breeze rustling the orange leaves on the trees lining the edge of the school grounds. October still felt a lot like September, and September had felt a lot like August. But August and October were not the same, he thinks. His hand subconsciously comes to lie flat on his still small belly. They were not the same at all. When the stack of handouts gets to Taehyung he takes one absentmindedly before passing the stack along. His stomach rumbles and he reminds himself to pack a granola bar tomorrow. “Okay, disperse.” The teacher waves them off with a lazy wave of her wrist. Students rise from their chairs and move to their lab tables in a mix of contained enthusiasm and purposeful nonchalance. Taehyung stays seated, sending a quick text to his mom before flipping through the lab packet aimlessly. Truthfully, he hadn't been paying attention to the teacher’s instructions. “Hey, Taehyung,” His eyes flick up to find Mrs. Do standing beside his desk, expression carefully warm. “How are you doing?” The student closes his packet before answering quietly, aware of the kids nearby listening in. “I'm good.” “That's good to hear.” She nods once before continuing. “Just wanted to let you know I'm aware of the disadvantage you're at now that Yoongi has left the class, but I have good news.” Taehyung doesn't say anything as her kind voice drops off in suspense. To be honest, he's not sure how goodanything chemistry-related can realistically be. “We’ll be getting a new student tomorrow, so you'll have a lab partner again!” Her eyes light up sweetly and Taehyung offers a polite smile in return. He's not particularly affected by the news but he's also relieved this hadn't been anything pregnancy related. “That's great, Mrs. Do. Thanks for telling me,” he replies, already imagining the unlikelihood that this new student will be as great of a match as Yoongi, his childhood friend. His teacher taps his shoulder once before leaving him, and he sighs, aware that he's already a good fifteen minutes behind. He hopes this new student is good with test tubes. ***** Chapter 2 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes The new student is an alpha. He’s small, though, with large eyes and neatly- trimmed hair. It makes Taehyung think of the generic boys that play generic teen kids on TV. When Taehyung introduces himself the boy doesn’t look him in the eyes. He nods, polite, muttering an “I’m Jungkook” under his breath as he brings the two measuring cups closer between them. His alpha hormones don’t ambush him like he expects them to and the realization temporarily dazes Taehyung. He’s a pregnant omega and he knows his scent is sweeter than his classmates’. People don’t often say it to his face, but he sees the way people’s noses twitch, how the alphas trail a few meters behind him. It’s been almost three months now and the high school kids are somewhat accustomed to his warm, buttery scent (“Buttery, Yoongi? That’s ridiculous.” “Tae, you smell buttery. I don’t make the rules.”) But when he’s at the stores, running errands with his mom, it’ll happen quite often. An alpha, unmated or mated, young or old, will react physically to Taehyung, nose flaring and pheromones soaring. None of this happens with Jungkook. Taehyung can’t help but feel relieved. “I’ve already measured the hydrochloric acid so I can pour it and you’ll start the timer?” “Okay,” Jungkook glances at him quickly before opening the stop watch feature on his phone. The lab goes rather smoothly, Taehyung enjoying Jungkook's fresh, palmy scent and his easy-going nature. He hadn’t once caught him sniffing at him. It’s an ideal set up. They talk mainly about the lab and their coursework. Jungkook is a year younger and a year ahead his classmates in science and math courses. His family moved from Busan. Taehyung is pregnant. But they don’t say it out loud. “I’m a senior,” is what he says and it’s fine. Jungkook doesn’t pry. As they’re packing their things, classroom chatter increasing in volume as students prepare for the next period, Jungkook turns to him shyly. “Did you used to live on Hwarang Street?” Taehyung blinks, confused by the question as he sifts through foggy memories. “Yeah, actually, like a long time ago…” Jungkook bobs his head, bashful yet conversational. “Me too. I think we were sort of neighbors? Before I moved to Busan.” A small moment passes before the older boy’s eyes widen in recognition, a tiny relieved smile adorning Jungkook’s face. “We used to play soccer together right? When we were 4 or 5?” Taehyung chuckles at a memory he’s conjured. Jungkook was the boy with the bunny teeth. “I remember.” The new kid turns to look at him then, eyes searching and cheeks reddening. “Cool, um. See you tomorrow.” And then he’s gone and Taehyung is left staring, mind refreshingly blank. His stomach eventually rumbles and he’s brought back to reality, a very physical reality. He sends his mom a text with a list of snacks he wants (needs) and heads out to join Yoongi for lunch.   Chapter End Notes :) pls pls kudos, im an infant ***** Chapter 3 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes On the second week of November, Taehyung enters his second trimester. When he comes downstairs for breakfast his little sister squeals. “Week fourteen! Trimester two!” Taehyung swallows. His entire family is already in the kitchen, preparing lunch or eating the pancakes his mom had made. Even their dog, Soonshim, is here, tail wagging at the arrival of the sweet smelling omega. “How are you feeling?” His mom greets from near the fridge. “Fine.” He ruffles his little sister’s hair on his way to the empty stool besides his brother. The smell of coffee passes wonderfully through his nostrils and he grimaces. “We have decaf, you know.” His little brother doesn’t look up from his phone when he says it. Taehyung narrows his eyes. His brother, Jungyu, is a freshman. They’re both enrolled in the same high school. They don’t talk about it but Taehyung knows he gets a lot of questions from his nosey classmates. He knows he hears the rumors, too. That’s the brother of the pregnant omega. Quiet and intrusive observations that his sensitive ears pick up without fail. “Fuck decaf.” “Language!” His mom’s eyebrows rise to her hairline in annoyance. “According to Google, your morning sickness will decrease this trimester.” His ten-year old sister supplies. “Is this true?” Eunjin is the only member of his family that is happy about the baby. “I guess? I feel alright now.” Eunjin’s eyes widen at his note, amazed at the apparent accuracy of Google’s knowledge on pregnancy. Taehyung watches his dad stir his coffee from the dining table beside their kitchen, his laptop is propped open, lines on his face deep in concentration. Taehyung tries not to indulge his sudden drop in mood. The baby belly had barely started to show, his loose clothing and fall jacket doing a fantastic job of visually concealing the evidence of his wrongdoings. His father doesn’t have to avoid his gaze to pretend this isn’t happening. But he always does anyway and sometimes, Taehyung can’t blame him. + Their lab today is a bit anticlimactic. A lot of calculations and paragraphs of text to sift through. Jungkook and Taehyung sit at their lab table in relative silence as they each work through their handouts. The silence doesn’t bother the omega. He’d begun to look forward to the chemistry class on lab days. Jungkook’s calm company is quite comforting. And to Eunjin’s excitement, November had brought a decrease in morning sickness. The storm that followed the pregnancy test and his old alpha’s betrayal is turning into something else now, the shock is gone and it's something like a low, incessant ache. If he doesn't think too hard into anything, things are relatively okay. When Taehyung excuses himself to pee for the third time during class, the worn omega plops back to his seat feeling sheepish. “I’m like the elderly,” he complains out loud, eyes unmoving as he reads the same word for the tenth time. Jungkook chuckles. “It’s not good to hold it in. Not good for the—” He pauses, nervous. “For, you know.” So his nose works. And he does indeed know Taehyung is with child. “My dad is a nurse,” Jungkook adds, still nervous, but rambling anyway. “And he talks a lot about...his patients and stuff.” Their eyes lock briefly before Jungkook’s gaze is back on his packet. “Good to know.” The boy nods before going still again, eyes glued to the paper in his hands. It’d been a few weeks and Jungkook had still not demonstrated normal alpha behavior, it isn’t unsettling or anything, but Taehyung is curious. He briefly considers asking his lab partner if he’s mated. There was a time where he would have. A little bold and very fearless. But the last year had made him increasingly cautious (afraid), less willing to probe, to draw attention to himself. Instead he keeps his inquiries to himself, accepting that perhaps it is possible to overcome certain instinctual behaviors. It’s hard not to think of a certain alpha who made a habit of living through his instincts. It’s harder not to cringe at the way his heart constricts at the thought of him still. August was not November, but the things from August still hurt. Chapter End Notes thank you guys for the positive response to this! ***** Chapter 4 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes The cool, morning breeze that falls in from his window confirms what the weather app tells him. Today is cold. Colder than yesterday. The type of cold that was less transitional and more declarative. Winter is here, almost. Taehyung allows himself to feel excited as he sets aside his lighter fall jacket and brings out a warmer coat from deep inside his closet. He knows this coat would look good with his tan turtleneck. Pulling it out of his drawer, the soft material smooth against his fingers, he puts it on, relishing the feel of it against his warm skin. It’s snug. Moving in front of the mirror, body still sluggish from the morning, his attention is brought away from the expensive material and to his body under it. It’s then that he sees it for the first time. His baby bump. He’d seen it before, sort of. But he’d felt it more than seen it, the curve of it under his palm, the way it pressed into the waistline of his pants, but only when he bent forward. Now, it’s prominent even as he stands straight. A little protrusion under his ribs. The tan sweater hugging it boldly, the color accentuating the curve. He stares for a while. Orienting his body in different ways, to see all angles as his lungs take in the cold air in his room raggedly. At some point his eyes water, overcome by how real this feels, and he’s moving to Eunjin’s room before he knows it, seeking out her company. She’s brushing her teeth so he sits on her bed, breathing heavy as he tries to hold back a sob, something hot and heavy and very different from the cool air around him. When she walks back in, she sees him hunched forward, eyes shiny. A helpless expression on his face and somehow she knows without him having to say much. She walks over, enveloping him in a tight, suffocating hug. Kissing his cheeks and moving to sit on his lap gingerly like she did when they were younger. “Don’t tell mom, Jinnie,” he whispers, mouth in her hair. She nods solemnly and then she says it. “Your belly got bigger, Tae-tae.” A watery laugh tumbles out. “I know, Jinnie. I know.” His fists come to rub his eyes dry and Eunjin shifts on his lap to look at his bump better. “It’s crazy, right?” “Yeah.” She says, voice thinned by awe. His kisses are pressed to her cheek tightly and she lets it happen, accustomed to the attention as the youngest in the family. She moves aside so he can stand up, and when he does he’s sighing shakily, heart returning to a regular rhythm, a softer pressure in his chest. “You’re gonna be the best, auntie.” “I know,” she replies, standing to her full height, as if the straight posture will demonstrate her auntie abilities. Taehyung chuckles. “Don’t be sad, okay?” Her brother nods and he returns to his room, taking off the sweater in tired defeat and putting on an old, woollen crewneck. Tattered and loose. After school, he lets Yoongi touch his belly with a sweaty hand. His eyes comically wide when his ears pick up on a tiny heartbeat. Yoongi is a lot like a best friend, but they rarely use the word to describe their friendship. They’d known each other since middle school and had similar interests. But he’d also openly disapproved of Taehyung’s choice of friends during their junior year. He had warned him about the alpha, about his delusions and his selfishness, but it had never been a confrontation. At the beginning, at his lowest, Taehyung had entertained the possibility that Yoongi just hadn’t cared enough to intervene. That no one had. But it’s December now, and the pregnant teen knows an unproductive thought when he gets one. So he’d let the doubt go. He’d tucked it away, somewhere deep in his head and tries going forward. + When Taehyung tells Jungkook he’d gotten a B on his quiz, his mouth widens in a bright, encouraging smile. It makes his teeth stick out, not unlike how they did when they were toddlers. It’s sweet considering he knows Jungkook had gotten a perfect score. Jungkook is a smart kid. A polite one who doesn’t get in anyone’s way. Omegas and betas alike around the school seek after him. Taehyung knows because he’s seen it. When they run into each other in the school’s hallways, there is usually an omega at his side, staring adoringly as he speaks, a few more lingering in his periphery watching intently. It makes sense because Jungkook is all brains and soft smiles. Carrying a fresh, leafy and refreshing scent that makes you want to trust him, to follow him. It isn’t intimidating, yet it’s something that elicits respect. And Jungkook, he doesn’t reciprocate any of the attention. Unless it’s Taehyung. With the senior, he becomes more talkative, sharing about his dads every now and then, a few memories from Busan, and his worries about the constitutional debate team he’s a part of. Taehyung enjoys his company. Enjoys texting about homework and other fleeting threads of conversation. His scent calms him, regardless of whether he wants to admit it. He quietly fears the possibility that the young alpha might have a crush on him. A few days into December, Jungkook asks if he’d like to come over to hang out. They don’t live in the same neighborhood anymore, but the alpha offers to drive them. “I don’t have debate practice today,” he explains. Taehyung is caught off guard, a hand coming to rest on his belly out of habit. It’s something he’d started doing when he’s anxious. Taehyung turns down the offer with a careful smile. Chapter End Notes who's excited for this comeback? ive been hootin n hollering all day. ***** Chapter 5 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes To Yoongi’s surprise, Taehyung suggests they meet at a coffee shop. “This is sadistic, Taehyung.” Yoongi sits across from him at their small table, eyes bright and amused as he watches Taehyung pout into his drink. “The hot chocolate is good.” “But the coffee is better.” Taehyung scowls and the beta laughs silently. He gets up without a word and Taehyung quirks his chin, confused. The coffee shop is small and kitschy, filled with carefully selected decorations that give the place a (grand)motherly appeal. It fits the season quite nicely. Yoongi comes back with a red velvet cupcake and a plastic fork. Taehyung tries not to ogle. “Chill, it’s for you.” It’s a friendly gesture but Taehyung can’t help but hesitate. “I shouldn’t be eating so many sweets—” “Tae, c’mon. Treat yourself.” The thing is Yoongi is usually pretty monotone. His voice low and steady regardless of his mental state. To gauge his feelings, you’d have to look to his facial expressions, the jerk of his shoulder or the bounce of his knees. Right now though, there's an affectionate lilt to his voice that's hard to dismiss. So Taehyung treats himself. He starts licking off the icing as Yoongi fumbles into conversation, asking him the routine questions about Taehyung's health and his frequent check ups with his doctor. Taehyung answers him without much fuss. As expected, everything is going well with the pregnancy. He’s a healthy teen boy after all. Yoongi nods along as Taehyung speaks, attentive and relaxed. But then there’s a lull in the conversation and his face screws up into something more calculative and sneaky. Maybe a little embarrassed. Interesting. “What?” Taehyung asks, nose scrunching in curiosity. His friend hesitates before responding. Taehyung sips his drink, now much less hot than before but still tasty and warm. “I met someone.” “Really?” Taehyung watches the corners of Yoongi’s mouth, how they turn up. “Yeah, he’s an omega. He dances. He’s fun.” Taehyung watches him try to school his expression, breaking out into a full grin when Yoongi’s cheeks turn pink. He’s rarely seen the beta smitten like this. “Oh my God.” Yoongi merely shrugs, his eyes glancing away shyly. It’s all great to see. “Well, I’m glad. You should—” Taehyung falters briefly. He was going to ask Yoongi to introduce them, but he doesn’t like the idea of someone meeting him for the first time with a pregnant belly. “Uh, how did you meet?” Yoongi talks about the party he went to, about Namjoon and some other mutual friends. It’s nice hearing about his escapades, about the friends he's making. Taehyung briefly thinks about Jungkook before turning his attention back to Yoongi’s story. On their drive back to Taehyung’s place, the topic of his family comes up and Taehyung is reluctant, weary of the way his heart reacts to these things now. “Fine, you know. Soonshim loves the baby.” He thinks of his fluffy dog, the way she sniffs at his stomach when he’s laying on the couch, whines soft and sweet and tail wagging. Yoongi waits. “My dad… He—you know how it is.” The late evening sky is a dark mixture of greys and oranges. It hadn’t snowed yet. Taehyung stares blankly at the dry pavement as it zooms past them. “I don't like knowing he feels bad. I don't like being the cause of his disappointment.” His voice barely shakes when he says it. Small feats. “You're not a disappointment, Tae.” Taehyung bites his lip, holding back the “I fucking am! I’m not going to college anymore! My plans have all gone to shit!” he’d like to shout. He's gotten good at stopping certain trains of thought, though. It always leaves him feeling a lack of resolution, but it's less draining than giving in. He momentarily marvels at how quickly a pleasant afternoon can turn sour. They pull up to his driveway and Taehyung thanks him, reminding himself he's good, he's fine. That this was fun and he can be deeply upset about things and still have a nice outing. That life is a bunch of pluralities sometimes. He gets out the car slowly, waving goodbye, his mind already jumping to the text he’s going to send to Jungkook when he gets home. Chapter End Notes you know those people that you look forward to texting bc it's always so easy and fun? texting is wild bc you can be messaging a friend a bunch of wacky shit and the next second be back to enduring a lot of internal stress. that's life! pls kudos hehe ***** Chapter 6 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes “Eunjin, be careful!” At their brother’s worried outburst, both Taehyung and Eunjin freeze mid- wrestle—bodies locked in a twisted embrace as Eunjin wiggles her tiny fingers towards the tv remote in Taehyung’s outstretched hand. Eunjin slowly pries herself off him as her face falls, her lips jutting out guiltily. “It’s my turn to watch TV,” she pouts. Taehyung’s face had fallen too, but in shock.  “I don’t care. You should be careful with Tae.” Jungyu is speaking sternly, sounding a lot like their mother. His outward concern genuinely baffles Taehyung. But before he can say anything, the younger boy is stomping up the stairs and slinking into his room, leaving an angry cloud of prepubescent aggravation in his wake. “I’m sorry, Tae.” “It’s okay,” he starts, still staring at the staircase in cartoonish disbelief. “He’s just worried about the baby,” he tells her, and himself. That night, he tells Jungkook about what happened. He’s not sure why, but the need to share is there. It could be because Yoongi has become increasingly unavailable. It could also be because he enjoys Jungkook’s friendship. He likes the way he treats him like a normal kid. Because that’s what it is really, he feels normal with Jungkook. (Whatever the word means anymore…) They talk about movies next, and he shares a meme he came across earlier that day. And Jungkook responds with a long string of goofy emojis and it’s really good for him, Taehyung thinks, sending heart-eye emojis in response to something stupid. Something small, small enough to move his mind away from the bigger things. Heart and heart-eye emojis and it’s fun and sweet and light, until the next message. “tae, do you wanna go to the movies with me tomorrow night?” It’s followed by some smiley faces, a few animals and a bunny. It’s devastatingly adorable, Taehyung decides, smiling at the text. Jungkook is asking him out on a date. And then he cries. It’s nothing loud or dramatic, but his heart constricts and it’s the thing where his mind knows it won’t work and his heart wants it anyway. It’s that disconnect, the misalignment of wants with reality. He’s grateful they’re not in person. Despite what people believe omegas to be, he rarely cries in front of people. For a moment, he thinks about that article he read a few weeks back, about how a mother’s mood during pregnancy affects the temperament of their child. He shudders, terrified by the implications. He wants the best for his baby, but he can’t stop hurting over how everything happened. After a long shower and smoothie, Taehyung is back in his bed, phone in hand. “I dont think thats a good idea”   +   The next day in class isn’t a lab day, but Taehyung seeks Jungkook out after they're dismissed before he gets to far. He’d read the message over this morning and the tone of it was off. Rude, even. When he calls him, Jungkook waits, eyes falling on his belly (he’d been taking more glances recently) before moving up. “Hey, I, uhh,” Taehyung goes for eye contact, but Jungkook’s large doe-y eyes were not exactly easy to work with. He shifts his gaze to his ear. “I'm sorry about my text. I didn’t mean to sound cold. I...You know.” A shaky breath. “I’m not, um. Dating right now. With—because...you know.” He doesn't usually say it, because everyone knows. Everyone can smell a pregnant omega. “Because you're pregnant.” It's less of a question and more of a statement, a gentle knock to the head maybe. A too-bright light shining into his eyes. The truth, reality, etc. “Yeah.” Jungkook merely nods, a contemplative set to his facial features and then he’s turning to leave. “Okay, see you around.” He waves him goodbye. Taehyung is left feeling nauseous. This time, it has nothing to do with his baby. Their brief encounter has him feeling somehow worse than before. Did Jungkook give him unnecessary attitude? Or is it reasonable to feel hurt after the omega you asked out turns you down? Or maybe he wasn’t mad but just in a hurry to get to class? He thinks to replay the memory but the memory is fogged by his own feelings of inadequacy and shame. He had barely been paying attention to Jungkook at all. And that’s why you can’t date, because your own life is way too much right now. You can’t even empathize properly. But Jungkook is still his friend. And he doesn’t want to keep disappointing people he cares about. Later that night, he texts Jungkook again. An “im sorry” with a bundle of sad emojis. Jungkook responds almost an hour later. dont be sorry, dumby. plus you cant get rid of me. we’re lab partners >:) Chapter End Notes thank you for the nice comments you guys. the other day i randomly came across a mention on twitter and it felt so good! i havent shared my kpop twitter bc my friends dont know i write fic LMAO kinkNOTsame amirite. but im there, Looking >:) thank you to those who share my stuff with others! (wish i could lol) ***** Chapter 7 ***** Is it possible to lose your vision from looking too hard? Taehyung just doesn’t know, but he thinks as he stares at the long list of formulas, that he might find out soon. He sighs quietly, not wanting to disrupt Jungkook’s concentration, and leans back in his chair. They’re in an empty classroom after school studying for their chemistry midterm. Taehyung hasn’t done something this nerdy since the beginning of high school. He sighs again. “Are you feeling okay?” “What? Yeah.” Taehyung blinks a bit before focusing on Jungkook’s form. “I’m starting to think this is a lost cause.” It’s a lie. He knows it’s a lost cause. Or rather, now that he’s not applying to college, he knows having a decent GPA doesn’t matter. “You know more than you think. You’re just tired, probably.” Taehyung stares. There’s a reasonable expression on Jungkook’s face that borders on delusional. The air of conviction behind what he just said pulls at some of Taehyung’s organs. He turns away again. “I don’t really see the point,” Taehyung confesses, pencil twirling in his right hand. Jungkook runs a hand through his jet black hair, turning to Taehyung. “I think,” he starts thoughtfully. “That you will do well on this exam. I think...that you will do well on all your exams. I’m not saying this because you need to hear it, or to make you feel good. I’m saying it because it’s… just what I think. Right now, you're doing good in school. What you do after graduation doesn’t matter.” Jungkook’s eyes are large and dark and Taehyung can’t look at them. He turns to his pencil. And then he nods. “Okay.” “Yeah?” He’s eighteen weeks pregnant. Two days ago he saw his baby’s bones for the first time. He’s not going to university like he’d planned his whole life. And he’s going to pass his chemistry exam. “Yeah.” He returns to his notes because somehow it’s better than thinking about his life. He also kind of sort of agrees with Jungkook. He is a decent enough student. After a while, Jungkook speaks up again. “What would you study if you knew you were going to college right after?” Taehyung shifts in his seat, disoriented. He doesn't like doing these what-ifs anymore, it's not productive and it hurts to even dream like that. But Jungkook’s expression is bright, or just caring, and he wants to indulge him, just this once. “Art history.” “Really?” “Yeah,” he picks a piece of lint off his sweater. “I took a class freshman year and liked it.” “That’s really cool.” “I guess.” “Taehyung.” Taehyung smiles, chin falling to his chest shyly. “It is really cool. Cooler than law.” Jungkook shoves him playfully. “I’m kidding!” “Good.” Jungkook turns to his notebook, shuffling some sheets. “Do you have a favorite artist?” “Van Gogh, Egon Schiele, Matisse…” “Hmm. I know two-thirds of the artists you’ve just named.” Taehyung chuckles. “Not bad.” Reaching into his pocket for his phone, he pulls a few images from the internet of Schiele’s work and Jungkook studies them attentively. He’s moved close to see his phone screen better and the proximity inundates Taehyung with his earthy alpha scent. Subconsciously, Taehyung takes in a large breath. As Jungkook comments on Schiele’s gaunt figures, Taehyung notes the calm after- effects of his scent, pondering how much of their friendship is still under his control. ***** Chapter 8 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes On the third day of winter break, it snows. They’re at the grocery store. While his mom orders her cold cuts at the deli, Taehyung gazes out the large glass windows, his hands gripping their shopping cart as the small flakes fall and melt on the asphalt. Last year around this time, he was hanging out with some artsy kids from the private school in the town next to his, voices high and conspiratorial as they mapped out ways to be known and influential. Taehyung himself wasn't as creative as some of them but he was quick on his feet, insightful and amusing. An ongoing source of inspiration the other kids had liked to drag around. Together, they had been a gaggle of huge egos. He hadn’t heard from a single one of them since summer ended. They spend a considerable amount of time in the produce section, his parents having changed their diet to fit his delicate health. They load up on spinach and fruits rich with antioxidants. He mentally recalls the nutritional pamphlets he has scattered over his room as he wanders carefully through the aisles. The stares from people don’t bother him much anymore. He’s not big yet but the baby is visible regardless of his clothes. People see him and then sniff, as if to say “Ahh yes, he’s not just fat.” There must be a particular type of satisfaction in figuring him out. He doesn’t dwell on it. He gets a text from Jungkook in the car and when his mom senses a spike in his scent, she turns to him, eyebrows drawn together. “My lab partner. He got a good grade on the midterm,” he lies, preempting her question with a shrug. His mom only nods, eyes back on the road. He knows she knows he’s lying but it’s fine. He’s lied to her about bigger things before. The evidence on his body. He’s got no shame about things like that anymore. He looks back to his phone screen and smiles. “just saw an ad for the new show at the art museum. wanna go? (NOT a date!)” + The show is a retrospective on Renoir’s entire oeuvre, well most of it anyway, taking over the entire east wing of the building. It's breathtaking. “Can’t believe I was going to miss this,” he whispers to his alpha friend, who is standing a painting to his left (two girls in ballerina dresses, feathery brushstrokes and pastel colors sweeping across the canvas). “The label says they were prostitutes.” Jungkook’s mouth is turned down and it catches Taehyung’s attention before the painting does. “France,” he sighs dramatically. Jungkook nods, agreeing. “France.” Seeing such a range of Renoir’s art together like this is dreamy. The works on paper are delicate and ephemeral. His bronze sculptures make Jungkook think of grand things like heaven and love and perfection. Taehyung enjoys the paintings most. “I like the way he works with light.” Taehyung comments, after a calm moment of silence. They’re sitting at a bench, a break from their long and slow walk through the museum halls. Jungkook hums. “My dad hates this stuff. To be honest so does my mom. But I don't know. It's cool once you know the context, I guess.” “What’s the context?” “Industrialization. The invention of photography. Shopping. The new middle class.” “Hmm.” “I kind of don’t remember the specifics, but with Impressionism it’s less about naturalism—like how realistic something looks—and more about the idea of it, the essence. And then like, the psychology of color and being more aware that paint is paint. And you can’t fool people into thinking it isn’t.” “That’s interesting.” Jungkook is looking very hard at the painting across from them. “Do you mean that?” Jungkook quirks his chin. “...Yeah?” Taehyung’s fingers twist in his lap, deliberating over his next train of thought. “My...well. The guy...who—I slept with. He hated Impressionism.” He doesn’t call him his boyfriend because he was never his boyfriend. Jungkook tenses and Taehyung’s fingers continue to fiddle. “Did he tell you why?” “Said it was girly. Like, too transitory or something.” “Did you explain to him? Tell him...all the things you just said?” Taehyung chews his bottom lip. “Kinda figured he already knew it.” Jungkook turns to look at him and Taehyung is doing the thing where he turns away. He can still feel his gaze though. But he’s used to this. They’re quiet again. “My dad likes this place a lot. He used to take me to the children’s tours when I was very little. I actually have pretty vivid memories of it.” “Which dad?” “The lawyer.” Jungkook has two dads. “That’s nice. I bet that was fun.” “It was. You should take your kid when they’re old enough.” He says it kindly and the thought is too sweet not to smile. It’s one of the nicest thoughts Taehyung has had about his child. He allows the warmth of the scenario, of himself as a father with his toddler-aged kid wandering around the galleries, to wash over him in bittersweet waves. + On his eighteenth birthday, Taehyung finds out the sex of his baby. He’d wanted to keep it a surprise, but his doctor had slipped while explaining her review. He’s having a boy. His mom isn’t with him because she couldn’t take the day off like she usually does. His dad and siblings of course never join him during his check-ups. Yoongi is on vacation with his family. So he’s alone with the doctor when it happens. He sheds a few tears and Dr. Byun gives him the softest tissues he’s ever burrowed his nose into. He hears her apologizing profusely over his loud snot and he laughs weakly. “It's okay, don't worry. I...it's just a lot.” His voice rises a few notes at “a lot” and it makes his eyes watery again. He's happy he's healthy. He's happy his baby boy is growing without complications. He doesn't tell his family. He's not sure why but it doesn't feel like a good idea. The “18” on his birthday cake mocks him, if only slightly. His dad had picked it up on his way home from work at his wife’s request. They take a few pictures and eat rather quietly, Jungyu and Eunjin bickering about icing, his mom watching with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. He doesn't tell Jungkook it's his birthday at first. But when he explains that his headache is probably due to the enormous piece of cake he devoured, the perceptive alpha asks from the other line why he had eaten cake. “You hate cake.” “Uh, my dad bought one for us. For me. It's my birthday, actually.” He thinks to sit up on his bed to think better, to prepare for a possible outburst, but his body is tired. So he stays laying down on his side, awaiting Jungkook's response. “Why didn't you tell me?” He doesn't sound angry. Just hurt. Confused, maybe. “I don't like celebrating my aging!” He tries going for dramatic and Jungkook huffs through the phone. “Still! Celebrating your existence is a thing friends do.” Taehyung breathes out a defensive noise. “Fine! It's my birthday. I turned eighteen today.” “Wow.” He doesn't seem mad anymore. Taehyung chuckles. “So you had cake?” “Yup. Took some pictures. Mom cried a little.” “Aw man.” “But she always does on our birthdays.” “Ah.” “What about you? How's your break been?” A rustling of sheets can be heard from Jungkook's end and Taehyung reflexively pictures him lying in bed. The teenage alpha quickly launches into a retelling of his day. It consisted mainly of video games. While Taehyung was at the doctor, Jungkook had been at home. Alone, like him. “Jungkook,” he interrupts abruptly, before he chickens out. Before he lets himself emotionally hide away like he'd been doing with everyone these past few months. Jungkook immediately stops describing his victorious Overwatch session. There's only silence on his end, a confused, anticipating silence. “I'm having a boy.” He hears Jungkook inhale emphatically and Taehyung shivers (just a little). “Tae.” “Yeah.” He confirms, voice delicate. “I thought you were gonna keep it a surprise?” The mood becomes a thousand times more tender. It makes a lump form in Taehyung’s throat. “The doctor slipped—she felt so bad. I wasn't mad. It's just...exciting.” “Wow, oh my God. Congratulations.” He gushes, breath muffling his voice through the mouth piece. “Thank you. I...yeah.” It's heartwarming how caring Jungkook is being. He stops himself from reading into it, from second guessing his good intentions. He's a good friend. Taehyung silently considers his dads’ parenting, to have raised him to be so empathetic. Regardless of his alpha status. It's stupid that Taehyung has lived his life assuming alphas were rougher by nature. Self-absorbed, with a rude edge. But truthfully they were just privileged. The difference between Jungkook and the alpha whose son he's carrying is jarring. “Tell me more about your games, please.” Chapter End Notes da baby has a pipi! ***** Chapter 9 ***** Chapter Notes the extent of my research about pregnancy check-ups is me asking my sister once like 13 months ago lmao. so bare with me! January is fine until the end. His bones ache. He wants to call his belly huge but he also knows there’s still three months left. This isn't even the hugest huge can be. Frankly, it's troubling. “How did you do this three times?” He grumbles, his arms wrapping tightly around a lumpy living room cushion. “It gets easier each time, I suppose.” Taehyung narrows his eyes at his mom, cheek resting on the fat cushion on his lap. That sounds a lot like a complete lie, but he doesn't say anything. He turns his attention back to the television screen. “Maternity pants are ugly.” The camera cuts through various reaction shots. They’re watching a variety show. Mrs. Kim chuckles, a bit dry. Tired. “It's winter, Taehyung. Just focus on staying warm.” She doesn't see him roll his eyes and it ruins half the fun. If Eunjin were here, she'd say something about how Taehyung looks fantastic and stylish in all clothes, just to see him smile. His siblings were at the movies with their dad. He misses them, misses hearing them move around the house. But it's likely the hormones. He knows it's chemical when he starts missing his brooding brother. “By the way, I'm not gonna be able to get wednesday off. Same thing from last month,” his mom informs him, her frown lines carving her face into something quintessentially maternal. “I’m thinking continuing to take shifts off isn't smart right now, anyway.” Taehyung’s stomach sinks. His mom hinting at the strain he's put on their financial situation always makes him feel sick. “If you move the appointment to the early morning, I can drop you off on my way to work.” “I have math in the morning, I can't miss that. The 2 o’clock appointments work best.” She sighs. “Alright, take a cab then. I'll call the school so they can dismiss you.” As much as he'd tried to create a calm and cordial atmosphere between them, their brief time together in front of the tv had turned tense, air tight and subliminally accusatory. She eventually rises from the couch to finish her omega housekeeping duties and Taehyung is left feeling squeamish. The young omega briefly considers asking Yoongi to accompany him. But then he pictures the queasy look that paints Yoongi’s face whenever he's near a hospital or medical office. Yoongi would likely agree to come, but he'd hate being there. Taehyung wouldn't ask him. During his lab session with Jungkook the next day, he tells him he has a doctor’s appointment later in the afternoon. And when the alpha finds out Taehyung is going alone, his left eye twitches. “Do you usually go alone?” “No,” He answers, a bit defensive. He doesn’t need Jungkook pitying him. “My mom usually comes with me.” “Do you want company?” “You can’t just walk out of school.” “I could for extreme cases.” Taehyung’s eyebrows rise, almost comically. “This isn’t an extreme case.” Jungkook puts down their bunsen burner. “Do you want me to go with you?” His eyes narrow on the third word, keen and heady. Taehyung almost groans. + The two lab partners walk into their school’s administrative offices at 1:30pm. Taehyung hands in his doctor’s note and the secretary reads it lazily, accustomed to Taehyung’s monthly early dismissals. And then her eyes roam to Jungkook, inquisitive. The note only mentions Taehyung's name. Right as her mouth opens, Taehyung interjects. “He’s my mate.” The secretary’s jaw snaps shut, torn between pitying the couple and doing her job. But then she clears her throat, face resolute as Jungkook’s defensive scent intensifies. Before she gets any words out though, Taehyung hears himself blurt out very private information. “Please. He has the car. My mom is working. My dad hasn’t spoken to me in months. My heartburn keeps me up at night and I haven’t pooped properly in ten days.” At his outburst, her face flushes, visibly flustered. Taehyung holds his breath as the blood rushes to his cheeks. “Fine. Hurry out before anyone sees you.” She hands them a pass and Taehyung takes it quickly. “Thanks!” Pulling Jungkook by the arm they make it out the office and past the school security guard, slowing down only when they make it to the student parking lot. When he finally gets the nerve to look at his lab partner, there’s a small grin stretching across Jungkook’s face. “Shut up.” Taehyung mumbles. A low laugh tumbles out of Jungkook as he waits for the omega to get into the black sedan, shutting the door softly before climbing into the driver’s seat. “Her face was priceless.” Taehyung would laugh but he's stuck thinking about how Jungkook is now very familiar with his bowel activity. He sighs. “Sorry about calling you my mate. It was the only way she’d let you come with me.” That sobers him. “It’s fine, Tae. What’s the address?” Taehyung tells him the neighborhood, that he’ll give him specific directions once they turn onto the main street, and then they’re quiet. Jungkook’s car is stuffed with his scent. As always, it has a calming effect on Taehyung. He imagines the amount of people that would love to be where he is right now. When they’re in his doctor’s waiting room, Jungkook rambles about his debate team. He does it because he knows it helps Taehyung relax but also because contrary to his public demeanor, the young alpha is quite talkative. Taehyung nods along, his hands on his bump. Dr. Byun’s assistant calls his name a few minutes after two o’clock. Taehyung stands and leaves Jungkook in the waiting room, catching a glimpse of the forced calm expression on the alpha’s face before he gets ushered into the now familiar interior halls. He gets his vitals checked slowly, his doctor’s routine always careful and attentive. “Your heart rate is faster than usual today. Have you experienced any abnormality in breathing patterns? Any external stressors?” Taehyung’s legs dangle from his perch on the high bed. He thinks of Jungkook outside. “No. Just the usual.” “Okay.” She returns to her noteboard, eyes roaming along her paperwork. “What about bowel movements, back ache, feet pain, bloating…?” She trails off, eyes peering up at him from above her reading glasses. The omega sighs. “It’s all bad, doc. Bathroom trouble. Heartburn...” She laughs, indulging his complaints. “That’s normal, of course. I’m writing down a list for a few of my preferred prenatal laxatives. Have you looked through the packet? There are certain foods worth avoiding for now.” Taehyung nods. “Any concerns you wanna run by me?” There isn’t anything out of the ordinary considering he’s housing papaya-sized little person in his belly. If he continues sleeping and eating and moving around the way he has been, he thinks he’ll be okay. So he shakes his head. And his doctor smiles. “Alright, let’s get a look at him.” She puts her glasses and board down and helps him onto his back. Once the ultrasound jelly is evenly spread, it’s only a matter of seconds before the sensors pick up on his baby’s little body, monitor displaying an impressively clear image of his son. “He looks great, Taehyung.” This is the fourth time he’s seen him, but it still takes his breath away. “You’re 23 weeks along, almost done with your second trimester,” she adds after glancing at her notes. “Around this time his hearing should have started developing. There are different ways to appeal to your child—music, talking, et cetera. I don’t have any preferences. But I think it’s good to know, yeah?” The young omega nods from the bed. “I felt him kick for the first time last week.” “That’s great! Get used to it.” She smiles. “Oh, he’s moving.” They both turn to the monitor and watch as his son shifts gingerly, face moving to face the radioactive receptor head on. Taehyung’s heart feels faint. He leaves the office with four scans of the monitor image clutched in his hands. Jungkook is already standing when he steps out, waiting tensely for his friend to confirm his next appointment at the reception window. When they’re out, he asks quietly, “Everything good?” Taehyung gulps. He hands Jungkook the ultrasound scans and watches as the alpha studies the images quietly. “He looks like you.” It’s what he wants to hear. So his eyes well up. “Are you sure?” Jungkook looks up at him, reading him. Taehyung feels like an open book, a sad American-reality-show-written-adaptation type of book. Jungkook simply says something about how the baby has his nose, and they walk to the car. When they’re inside, Taehyung inhales a huge whiff of the leafy scent and exhales a watery breath, tears coming out slow and salty. “I just don’t want him to look like him.” He doesn't have to clarify that he's talking about the father of his baby. Jungkook pulls out a few tissues from his glove compartment. Taehyung takes them without looking at him. “I know it’s shitty to say that because what if he’s born and he does look like him and then I’ll always have that in my head that I judged him even before he was born and it’s so unfair it’s so mean—he hasn’t done anything!” He feels a hand on his shoulder and his thoughts immediately falter, the alpha’s contact messing with his neurotic biology. Soothing him without his consent. He shudders and Jungkook catches it, hand moving back quickly, an apologetic noise falling from his mouth. “I’m sor—” Jungkook starts to say. “It’s fine.” It comes out muffled because his palms are covering his face. He looks up, hiccuping.“It’s fine. I’m sorry.” “What are you sorry for? I have no idea what you’re going through, Tae. I… but I don’t think it’s fair to yourself to be so harsh. You’re...this is crazy. It’s okay to...to feel pain.” “Fuck.” Taehyung isn’t yelling, but it's loud. It’s exhausting. Hurtling through emotions, is exhausting. Forgiving himself is fucking exhausting. Hearing Jungkook be reasonable and understanding while he’s had to deal with all this judgment and neglect and abandonment fucking hurts. He’s angry. For the first time during his pregnancy, he’s angry. The tears stop eventually and he’s left sniffling and crackling. He frowns out the car window. I am allowed to feel pain. “You’re fucking right.” But what about anger? ***** Chapter 10 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes One of the effects of having Jungkook as a friend is that he’s a nerd now. Not in a derogatory way, he's just...well. He's a lot more invested in his schoolwork than he'd been at the start of his senior year.   They’re studying at the Kim residence, to Taehyung’s general bewilderment. Lately it’d gotten harder and harder to keep his distance from Jungkook, at least when things felt trivial. (He’s convincing himself inviting a young, healthy, unmated alpha over his house is “trivial.”) Doing his homework with Jungkook around is kind of like doing homework with a camera on him. Not because Jungkook is captively watching him but because he could be. The social awareness makes Taehyung diligent. Fortunately, the positive effect goes both ways. “If I wasn't here I'd be playing video games.” “That's because you already know the material well.” Jungkook sighs. “That's only for chemistry. Literature is not as easy for me. You know this!” Taehyung shrugs, he does know it. But he likes telling Jungkook he's smart. It's fun because he literally is, even when the material isn’t familiar, he’s an incredible critical thinker with a good memory. Plus, the praise makes Jungkook blush, and it’s very cute. It's almost five in the evening though, as much as he'd like to tease Jungkook some more he stops to sigh.  “Fam is gonna be home soon.” The alpha hesitates from beside him. They're stationed at their dining table, books spread and school bags wide open. “Should I go?” Even if he did, they'd be able to smell that there had been someone else (an alpha) here. Taehyung shakes his head. “Nah, it's fine. We might have to move our stuff though, before dinner time.” “Of course.” Jungkook seems calm, face relaxed as he turns back to his textbook. Taehyung truthfully can't be sure if it's an act or not but it comforts him. Jungkook being comfortable makes him feel comfortable. It's an interesting effect Jungkook has on him. Taehyung has always considered himself independent, not needing other people's cues to know how to behave, always choosing to be himself and act the way he deems fit. But of course his failed attempt at a relationship and unexpected pregnancy had left a dent on his confidence, on the trust he'd always put on his own judgment. He'd always been sensitive to people’s emotions though, regardless of whether or not he paid attention to them. He’s receptive to people’s moods, to their vibes. To the way they're responding to him in any situation. Maybe it's because he's an omega. Whatever the reason, the increase in negative judgment directed towards him had made him a little unstable, a little paranoid. He's living in a state of misunderstanding, but that uneasiness and paranoia is somewhat muted when he's with Jungkook. The alpha boy is just seventeen years old but his presence is powerful,  bringing Taehyung to a place of mutual understanding and respect. Jungkook trusts him and his judgment sometimes more than Taehyung does himself. They don't often delve into personal matters but Taehyung can't help but wonder about Jungkook's life outside of their friendship. Is someone born a good person?  At half past five, his mom is the first to come in, his younger siblings trailing behind. Taehyung’s train of thought dissipates almost immediately. “We have a visitor?” The young omega grimaces at her subtly hostile tone. “This is Jungkook, my friend from school.” Jungkook rises from the floor and bows politely. “You smell good!” Eunjin hollers to Jungkook as she walks over to wrap her short arms around Taehyung’s stomach. Mrs. Kim takes the distraction to level Taehyung with a harsh questioning look, as if to say “Are you crazy?!” Her eldest son simply looks away. This doesn't have to be a big deal. “Jungkook is staying for dinner.” Jungyu, who had slipped away from the commotion, pauses on his way up the stairs, seemingly shocked for a few seconds. But then it’s over, and with a disapproving huff he's stomping up the rest of the way to his room. This is already a mess. “Taehyung can you come here for a second?” His mom calls from the kitchen. He knows he's emitting distressed omega signals because Jungkook looks like he's itching to touch him. But he gives a cautionary jerk to his chin (Don’t) before mouthing a quick Sorry. His mom waits until he's very close before whispering, “Who is this?” The faucet is running to drown out their whispers but Jungkook is an alpha, Taehyung is sure he'll be able to pick up their hushed back-and-forth. He rolls his eyes. “He's just a friend.” “Does heknow that?” “Yes, mom. What the hell. Omegas and alphas can't be friends?” It feels stupid, whispering like this. It's aggravating him even more. “Don't bring him here again.” “Momthat's ridi—” “Don't,” she cuts him off, authoritative. “Talk back to me.” Somewhere in his head he knows this isn't a huge injustice but his eyes start to glisten traitorously anyway. Things have changed so much since summer. He could argue and reason with her, but he's feeling too angry to do any of that. Instead, he shows his anger with an icy look (something dark and sulky, and ultimately bratty) before he turns around, chin high as he marches back to the living room. His dad will be home within the next hour. “Let’s move upstairs.” + When dinner is served, his family is sat at their low dinner table, Jungkook occupying the spot that's usually left empty. Taehyung focuses on getting situated on the cushion, determined to keep eating on the floor like the rest of them for at least another few weeks. Jungyu eyes him critically. Eunjin is telling Jungkook about her dream. Very few words have left his father’s mouth since arriving. He’s never been a talkative man, but it’s starting to grate on Taehyung’s nerves. His parents are embarrassing. Jungyu’s sullen demeanor is embarrassing. He’s grateful his parents hadn’t been angry enough to kick him out, but this almost feels worse. Like his family is just emotionally incapable of dealing with their situation. Why aren’t they trying harder? Jungkook’s eyes flicker towards him when his scent spikes, and then Taehyung is feeling ashamed. He needs to relax if he wants this to work. “Anyways it’s confusing because in my dream on monday Taehyung’s baby had purple hair and I looked it up on Google and nothing came up,” Eunjin explains to Jungkook, adding a bundle of rice into her seaweed soup. “Purple means royalty but what if it means something bad, too? Like...bad luck?” “I’m sure he’ll come out fine.” Jungkook replies, conversational and gentle. Taehyung doesn’t catch it fast enough. “He?” A pause. “It’s a boy?!” She’s sort of screaming. Jungkook’s eyes widen, immediately seeking out Taehyung. At once, his dad is straightening his back from beside him, and his mom puts her chopsticks down from besides him. Mrs. Kim’s eyes narrow. “You know the sex?” She says it quietly, an attempt to contain her emotion. Even Eunjin is quiet, as they wait for his explanation, air tense and mood thick. Taehyung imagines flipping the table and everything on it. (Fuck you! You don’t care! You’re ashamed of him and me! You tell me you’re picking up extra shifts but I know you just don’t want to see me! You’re ashamed! I didn’t tell you because you hate my baby!). He doesn’t respond. “Why didn’t you say anything, Taehyung?” She sounds mad. Why should she be mad? When he told the father of his child he was pregnant, the alpha hadn’t looked him in the eyes when he said Oh no. Taehyung found out he had fled to London within the week, on Instagram. (“We didn’t raise you to be this reckless Taehyung!” “We can barely afford to raise the three of you let alone a baby.” “Why did Minho leave you? What did you do?”) “I didn’t think it mattered.” To you. It's true his parents had let him stay, had agreed to help him care for the baby. But they'd been harsh and critical, and emotionally unsupportive. His dad puts down his chopsticks and rises silently from the table. Jungyu shakes his head and Eunjin looks down into her bowl sadly. He doesn’t dare look at Jungkook. + “I’m so sorry about that.” They’re in Taehyung’s room, the disastrous dinner now over. Jungkook, bent over gathering his things, pauses to stand straight and look back at his friend. “It’s okay, Taehyung. The food was great.” The omega notes the lack of pity or apprehension coming from the alpha, and the tears that have been prickling behind his eyes since his parents got home threaten to fall. There’s a bitter mixture of shame and anger and need in his gut. He moves closer before he realizes it, asking for a hug in the next moment. Of course Jungkook opens up for him. When they hug, it’s the first time they’ve touched like this. It’s different from hugging Minho. Hugging Jungkook feels like a cool towel on a feverish forehead. It feels like relief and forgiveness and acceptance, and now he’s crying for real. “Tae, don’t cry. It’s okay.” His hands rest on his back and his side and it’s ridiculous how much Taehyung has been craving this type of attention. How much he’s gone pretending he doesn’t need it or anyone. The omega doesn’t reply because he knows vocalizing anything right now will only set off his tears more. So he rubs his face in the crook of Jungkook’s neck, inhaling and hiccuping like a small child. It’s easy to turn his mind off like this, his round bump rubbing against Jungkook’s stomach in a way that should feel wrong but feels mostly right. Like this, he’s surrounded by Jungkook and his aroma and his body begs him to let go and to trust. His fists loosen their grasp on Jungkook's sweater and he’s nosing along his jaw, heart in his throat when he feels Jungkook take a giant whiff of him. Taehyung kisses him on the cheek softly, registering how Jungkook tightens his grip on his waist. Taehyung wants to feel his mouth. He wants to tell him everything.  But instead he steps away, breathing heavy. Because words mean things but so do actions. They all have meanings and consequences. He knows that now. Chapter End Notes ahh, there's a lot of unresolved stuff in tae's recent past :'( this ch. wrote itself! (also take the "angst" tag seriously lol) <3 ***** Chapter 11 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes Going through his final year of high school dealing with heartbreak and an unexpected pregnancy has a few perks. His teachers are nicer to him. They come up to him after class to check on his progress, eyes somehow both kind and intrusive. His pride had made him uneasy at first. Was he a charity case because he was unmated and pregnant? What if he had a mating mark? Would teachers still look at him the same? Or would they applaud him for being traditional and selfless, submitting to his alpha and carrying his pups like a true omega was born to do? It had all been a game of guesswork back then. What type of motivations did people have interacting with him? What type of projections was he working against? It was a lot of mental gymnastics. But now it’s February and he’s in his final trimester. The school year is halfway over and he’s starting to accept he just needs all the help he can get. He can’t read minds, but assuming the worst in people doesn’t give him much of an advantage. So Taehyung accepts the gracious deadline extensions and the extra credit assignments. He spends more time at the library, to avoid being at home. But also to catch up on the work he’d been neglecting back in the fall. Being studious keeps him occupied and out of the house. Sometimes, Yoongi joins him, with his new boyfriend Hoseok. The pair are fun to be around. Hoseok had been politely curious about his situation but ultimately kind and understanding. An expectedly sensitive omega with a loud laugh and a frequent smile. It made sense that this dancer would attract a beta like Yoongi, secretly passionate and talkative as he is. Being a library rat also gives him the opportunity to take a few steps back from his friendship with Jungkook. The young alpha has been busy with his own extracurriculars (e.g., his debate team advancing to semifinals). For Taehyung, it’s a double-edged sword. The lull in their friendship helps Taehyung take time to evaluate and reflect, things he admits to not doing enough of prior to his pregnancy. Especially after the episode at his house. But it also reminds him that he misses his company. Friends can miss each other, he thinks. Reasonable. Yoongi does eventually ask him about Jungkook. As much as Taehyung thinks about him though, the question throws him off. “What do you mean?” “His scent is all over you.” Taehyung doesn’t mean to get defensive. “He’s my lab partner.” But he does. “And Hani joins us for lunch almost every day but her alpha scent doesn’t attach to you like Jungkook’s does.” Shifting in his seat, he takes a sip of his smoothie. Buying time. “I don’t know why that is.” They’re at a large round table in their school library, the smell of aged paper sticking to the rows and rows of used books. The librarians don’t bother shushing them because, like usual, they’re the only ones here. Yoongi’s eyes are squinted together, calculative and unimpressed. “Things are bad at home.” If it’s a decoy, Taehyung himself isn’t even aware of it, too invested in avoiding another cautionary talk from Yoongi to make sense of his own behavior. Yoongi leans in from across the table, hard expression visibly slipping. Taehyung lowers his gaze, pensive before continuing. “I don’t know who’s pissing me off more. My dad is as stiff as ever. He—I think this is bringing back memories or something. Like family trauma. But even then,” He rolls his eyes, aggravated. “He’s still a fucking child. And my mom.” He pauses here, the too familiar feeling in his chest creeping in as it does when the topic comes up. “She’s such a...God, she’s a bitch. I know she blames me for not being able to keep Minho. For letting him leave—” “He left because he’s a selfish prick.” Yoongi hisses, and Hoseok frowns beside him. Obviously tuning in, but Taehyung doesn’t mind. “I know. But she...I don’t know. She’s never said it but I know she thinks it. I know she’s disappointed in me, in this way that is like...it’s fucking stupid. Like, I’m keeping this child. Why are you still upset like this?” He trails off, but Yoongi doesn’t say anything to that, face contemplative. Taehyung rubs his eyes and tries to calm his breathing. There’s so much he can still say. When I’m home, I don’t feel welcome. But telling you Yoongi won't change anything. It will only make him worry. When he looks up he finds his friend staring at him, gaze soft but determined. “I think they both just need some time, Tae. I knew Minho, I knew his crowd just like you. I know this is not a blame game thing. It’s life and it’s complicated and I trust and support you, okay? I don’t blame you.” His conviction falters with his next thought, but he continues anyway. “I don’t blame him either. But it doesn’t matter. We’re here now.” The confession registers somewhere very close to the center of Taehyung’s being. He tenses. Slowly, he asks, “What do you mean you don’t blame him?” “Tae…” “Answer me.” His heart rate quickens when he feels threatened and he knows he’s stinking up the place but he doesn’t care. What the fuck is Yoongi getting at? “You were off your suppressants, Tae. You didn’t use anything. You were in heat. It was reckless.” His voice is low and it licks down Taehyung’s spine, icy and sharp. Taehyung’s eyes flash but Yoongi, who had once been a shitty intervention-giver continues, voice lilted as he goes for a reasoning tone. “And now you’re messing around with this new alpha? Tae, you can’t keep doing this shit.” Hoseok looks straight at Yoongi then, eyes wide. Probably grabbing his thigh in warning. But Taehyung doesn’t see it. He doesn’t see anything, really. “Why do you have to assume I’m messing around with Jungkook? He’s my fucking friend.” He hates what’s going on here. That Yoongi, despite knowing Minho, has no idea what their relationship was like. That he’s grouping it with what he has with Jungkook, a friendship that feels completely different. That on some level Yoongi isn’t entirely wrong. As good as he feels about Jungkook, he still doesn’t know him. Taehyung doesn’t know anyone, really. Fuck that. He’s seeing red, and then Hoseok speaks. “Yoongi.” The beta just looks at his boyfriend questioningly, face proud and resolute, and Taehyung could quite literally throw up right on their table. “Where are you going?” Yoongi asks, his and Hoseok’s eyes following Taehyung’s hands as he grabs his things and prepares to leave. “Home.” + “This video game hates me because I’m pregnant.” “That’s...not how video games work, Tae.” It’s Saturday afternoon and his family has gone to visit a relative a few towns west of theirs. They’d invited Taehyung but everyone knows that having him attend a family gathering while almost seven months pregnant was not the best idea. So he himself asked his parents if he could stay behind and they had relaxed, relieved and awkward (and cowardly). He promised to have Yoongi come over at least once a day to check on him to alleviate their guilt and worry. And so they left him. And now he’s with Jungkook playing video games, as one does when you’re home alone and eighteen. “It is how it works and I’m filing a complaint.” Jungkook chuckles, eyes trained on the tv screen. “They say losers learn more than their victors.” “Do they also say I’m gonna shove my foot up your ass?” Jungkook literally cackles. “Please don’t.” Taehyung would tackle the guy if he could, going in with his go-to tickle attack and even twisting his arm to his back. Having siblings, you pick up some tricks, he'd say (before punching him in the gut). But alas there's a small baby inside him, using up his organs as if they're his own, as if Taehyung’s body was made specifically for his nourishment and shelter. Sighing, Taehyung contemplates the possibility that maybe that is the case. His fertile omega body is really just a vessel for the next generation. Nothing more. How wack. “Ok I'm taking a break from this game.” Jungkook nods, hitting quit and starting a new session as a single player, while Taehyung rises to get some food. He'd pooped today and it was exciting and all that, but it’s also making him ravenous. “Kookie?” He calls from the kitchen. “Yeah?” He waits until he hears the “boing!” from the pause screen before continuing. “Do you want take out?” Silence. “It's 4:30 pm.” “I know but,” Taehyung pouts—for no one, because Jungkook's evolved senses don’t help him see through walls. “I'm hungry now. And it'll take at least forty minutes to make. So if we decide within the next two minutes it'll take at least another five minutes to deliberate. Factor in the actual phone call and—” “Alright, alright.” He's chuckling again and it makes Taehyung smile too. Being home with Jungkook is so different from being home with his family. He could almost laugh at the stark difference, if he thinks about it the right way. When they order (“You want pork and lamb?” “Yes and steak if they include that in the special” “Okay, Tae”), Jungkook resumes his game and Taehyung watches attentively, taking random breaks to scroll through his social media. At the beginning of the weekend, Jungkook had asked him if he'd wanted to actually go somewhere, to plan something. But Taehyung had shot down the idea, preferring to take it easy. To enjoy being at home. So sitting sprawled on the sofa with Jungkook is fantastic. Waiting for their food doesn't even feel as tantalizing as it usually does, lounging in a mist of Jungkook's familiar scent mixing lavishly with his own. Perhaps it's being in this unguarded state that makes him so unprepared for what comes next. His eyes take in the image that appears on his feed hungrily before it even registers. When it does, his response is so visceral it shocks him. Jungkook looks over at him when he senses his unrest, but before he can say anything the omega is already speaking out. “Are you fucking kidding me.” Taehyung’s intestines squirm inside him and his breath quickens, body preparing for a confrontation that can't happen. The “boing!” rings again, tv screen freezing, and then Jungkook shifts from beside him. “Tae what's going on?” In the picture, Minho has his arms wrapped around a thin girl, large eyes and double lids. But it's the cheesy, heartfelt caption that stings. Something about love and British streets. “My—fuck, it's so dumb that I can't even call him my ex. He wasn't my boyfriend. God.” Fingers in his hair, Taehyung tries to ground himself, tired of reacting to things so emotionally. But saying out loud the thing that hurts the most about this—that Minho had refused him in these small ways since they'd first met, that Taehyung had been too naive to see it—is painful. He wants to tell Jungkook, though. For his own sake, he wants to address this finally. “We were seeing each other, but he didn't…” He hesitates, too aware of how it sounds. “Like labels.” Jungkook’s nose scrunches. Taehyung continues, “He just kinda brushed it off, I guess. But then he’d do these things that…” How does he explain this? He doesn’t even know how to explain it to himself. He just knows that he has all these memories, all these very lived experiences, where Minho had seemed so loving towards him. Indulging him and looking at him like he was worth something. He bought him things and touched him like every inch of him was priceless. But all these actions had been empty. Yeah, his eyes are watering now, but he also feels hot all over. Angry. Taehyung swallows, putting his phone down. “He was lying, though. Everything he said all the...all the shit he did was a lie. When I told him I—He just left.” They make eye contact as Jungkook puts the game controller down, eyes boring into each other. “Minho sounds like a fucking psycho.” There’s a spike in his leafy scent and of course Taehyung breathes it in hungrily, noting how rare it is for the calm alpha to give in to his instincts like this, pheromones protective and fierce. “I agree. And now he’s,” He gestures towards his phone. “He’s with someone else.” “That’s ridiculous.” “I know! Fuck. He… he just.” He stops to wipe some stupid tears and before Jungkook can tell him not to cry he raises a palm. “These aren’t sad tears, I promise. I’m just…” The alpha shifts closer and of course Taehyung lets him, not recoiling when his hand reaches up to his face. The tender touch is almost disorienting. The tears are fighting to fall and it’s just surreal that it’s happening like this, in this order. Why had Minho come first? Why hadn’t Jungkook come back sooner? Why had he listened to Minho at all? Getting off the suppressants had been Minho’s idea. Back then, he had felt like he had no choice. “You—he lied to me. He like, he forced...He said things and it was hard to think logically, like. I feel so stupid now.” His voice comes out watery and he prays Jungkook understands him because he doesn’t want to say these painful things again. Despite his shit enunciation though, Jungkook does seem to follow, letting out an aggravated sound and shifting impossibly closer. Both hands on either side of Taehyung’s face now, fingers warm and caring. “He was manipulating you.” He says it softly, and it’s like a tiny, tiny explosion. That’s the word, isn’t it? Manipulation. Before he can do or say much else, Jungkook leans in to nuzzle along his jaw, and Taehyung’s heartbeat is racing at their proximity, at the aftershock of the realization. Minho wasn’t just smooth and selfish, he was manipulative. He was a liar and Taehyung had been his victim. “Jungkook.” He whines, emotional and overwhelmed and Jungkook is making a sound too, near his ear. It all makes him feel a thousand times more sensitive, yearning for something he doesn’t want to keep telling himself is wrong. When the young alpha licks at his pulse point Taehyung lets him, accepting the offer like a shock blanket. Taking in the automatic calming effect that emanates through his body,  he reaches out a hand to grasp the front of Jungkook’s shirt, pulling him even closer. Jungkook’s nostrils flare and his breath hitches and Taehyung revels in these details, in this push and pull. He turns his face to breathe him in too, consuming and intrusive and Jungkook allows it, craning his neck. It's a primal gesture that Taehyung couldn’t bare to ignore, leaning in to nip at his neck, head fuzzy when Jungkook’s hands grip his waist. His omega hormones flower out in waves. He’s desperate to be taken care of and it’s such a vulnerable feeling, to be this close to an alpha who is so healthy and capable, especially with the recent memory of pain and betrayal. The need to cry out for help swirls inside him like a potion for trouble. A yearning effect, a desperation fueled by his trust in Jungkook. And then they’re kissing, right on the lips. It happens fast, or slowly. Taehyung isn’t even sure who went in first. He doesn’t care, though, submerging himself in the feeling of Jungkook in his mouth, touching him in all these places. He isn’t crying anymore but he wants to let out noises, to be wild or at least uninhibited. But then Jungkook is pulling away slowly, eyes gentle and mouth still on the corner of his lips, kissing along his chin before pulling away. “You’re worth so much love, Tae.” Chapter End Notes im interested in feelings of safety. i think a lot of feelings of paranoia/anxiety and misunderstanding come from that lack of validation. when being in your own skin doesnt feel safe. it was tough getting tae’s feelings down in this chapter but it resonates with me. i hope it all makese sense. i want to say that the ~emotional pain~ part of this story is over but it really isn't >:D im so pleased, seeing how many kudos this story has :3 and a little scared bc i dont kno if it will live up to your expectations. but stay with me, i think i might post the next ch later tODAY. im not kidding i wanna have this shit all posted asap as possible!!!!! ***** Chapter 12 ***** Chapter Notes thank you loads loads loads, i see your comments. they make my heart warm. i'll respond soon! “Keep singing, the baby likes it.” Eunjin’s eyes widen, as they usually do when she feels anything deeply (i.e., all the time.) “How do you know he likes it?” Taehyung sits still in his sister’s desk chair. “Come here.” When she’s close, he grabs her hand, guiding it to his belly, to the place where he last felt his son kick. “Okay, start singing again.” She does of course, a little bit more careful this time. Sure enough the baby kicks, one, two times, a look of immense wonder illuminating his sister’s face. “Oh my goodness.” Taehyung just smiles, allowing himself to relax a little further. There’s homework to do and feelings to address, but for now he rather rest his back and enjoy his sister’s company. “Does it hurt?” “Nah, it just feels funny.” “Okay, hold on.” He watches semi-apprehensively as she jogs out of her small room, returning momentarily with Jungyu trailing behind her. He looks sleepy and only slightly agitated. “Come on,” she ushers him close to Taehyung, sweaty hands grabby and excited. “The baby is kicking.” The high school freshman raises an eyebrow, somehow both nonchalant and curious and Taehyung takes the opportunity to wordlessly ask for his hand. Jungyu offers a palm and Taehyung guides it to his belly, estimating where his baby’s lower body is. It’s the first time they've interacted in a while. “Say something so he can hear you.” The boy only blinks, unsure and embarrassed. But then he clears his throat. “Um, hey little baby.” Eunjin gets on her knees then, pleased at having brought her brothers together. She starts singing softly, breath warm on the skin of Taehyung’s stomach. “Oh, I think—” The baby kicks harder this time and even Jungyu can’t help the soft expression on his face. “He’s really in there, huh?” Taehyung watches his brother, mind racing with all the things he wants to say to him. He gulps down the urge to say any of it, though, affection trumping any desire for confrontation. “Yeah.” + His parents hadn’t commented on Jungkook’s familiar scent in their home when they’d arrived from their weekend trip. He was surprised at first but then figured the threat of teen pregnancy is null, and it was all they cared about apparently. So he took their cue and avoided mentioning it. He doesn’t really talk about it with Jungkook either. They hadn’t done much besides kiss and nip, soft marks that don’t leave lasting (physical) impressions. The food delivery man had interrupted any possibility of their actions escalating, so it was all right. In theory. The weekend had left a lingering feeling of warmth and desire. Taehyung doesn’t acknowledge it though, as the weeks pass. The shift in their friendship is barely noticeable. They touch more, arms bumping and shoulders brushing. His fingertips wander, light and fleeting. Taehyung doesn’t have the willpower to stop himself, to move away from Jungkook. Yoongi doesn’t apologize for his outburst for a while, but Taehyung had quickly lost steam. His relationship with Minho had been quite deceiving. Seemingly healthy, never coming off as dysfunctional as it actually was. When the beta apologizes he doesn’t really know what he’s apologizing for. Or maybe he does, but he can’t know the extent of his misjudgment. And for now it’s okay. Telling Jungkook—knowing someone knows the truth—had been enough consolation for Taehyung. The month of March passes like this: The days get warmer as the leaves come back, green and new. Taehyung wakes up every morning feeling bigger than the day before. Not just his belly, but his toes, his fingers. Eunjin says he looks the same, but he doesn’t feel the same. He feels bloated. And then Eunjin will pat his head, lying to him, telling him he’s still handsome, and he’ll go to school with Jungyu and Mrs. Kim. Car silent and sterile. And then he’ll meet up with Yoongi who finds a new nickname for him almost daily. Sometimes it’s Buttercup, sometimes it’s Cinnamon Roll. It’s always absurd coming from him, but it makes them smile. And then he’ll see Jungkook and it will be nice. They’ll talk as if they hadn’t been sending each other messages all day. And eventually Taehyung says something like “I’m glad you came back, Jungkook.” This last one only happens once and it comes from the heart, somewhere deep inside of Taehyung and bubbling out, out of his mouth in the form of that sentence. When Jungkook flushes, Taehyung breathes him into his lungs, free and dangerous. + The next time they kiss, Taehyung lies and says he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t pull away immediately though. He lingers, indulging in Jungkook, faces close as they sit in the backseat of his car. Jungkook’s fingers are in his hair, heavy and adoring. And when Taehyung slips his tongue inside Jungkook’s mouth, the breath that leaves the alpha sends a jolt down Taehyung’s spine. “We shouldn’t.” He breathes into the alpha’s lips, weak. But Jungkook just huffs, a silent “why not?” to the quirk of his chin, teeth coming to scrape along Taehyung’s bottom lip. The pressure on his mouth makes pleasure pool in Taehyung’s groin, head hazy once again. But then the instinct to get on Jungkook’s lap is stunted by his enormous belly and his mind snaps. Reality once again settles in the form of his son, cozy inside him. A reminder. “Jungkook.” He scolds, hands against the alpha’s chest as he moves away. When he tells Jungkook they shouldn’t the second time, Jungkook brushes the sentiment aside, eyes fiery. “But do you want to?” And that’s when Taehyung lies, readjusting himself and bringing a shaky hand through his own hair. The alpha’s resolve falters, eyes scrutinizing as his breaths regain a normal rhythm. “We can’t. I don’t...I told you, I’m not dating—” “Not dating?” They’d come to Jungkook’s car after school because Taehyung had felt pain in his lower back and around his navel. Jungkook had offered to drive him to his doctor but then it passed. And they’d stayed in the backseat. Talking, but then not talking. And now it’s all becoming clear to Taehyung, the signals he’s been sending to Jungkook. “Jungkook, I—” The air between them feels different, tense and even hostile despite the familiarity and comfort between them. When he looks at Jungkook, at the way anger and confusion (and hurt) knits his eyebrows together, Taehyung’s heart stutters, realization and dread spreading through him like wildfire. “Are you serious? Why do you keep doing this?” Taehyung can’t help but flinch at Jungkook’s dark tone, at the way his instincts are telling him to back down, to bow his head and recoil. Jungkook has never lost his temper like this with him, Taehyung never having felt the way the alpha’s dominance could register like a whip. Why do you keep doing this? Why do I? The image of Yoongi comes to him. Of his mom. Both having warned him. Always disappointed. And now Jungkook, whose feelings he’s disregarded in favor of tending to his own life, his own issues, is looking at him eyes dark and face flushed. But he’d warned Jungkook. He’d fucking warned him. And so Taehyung’s eyes flash. “I’m fucking sorry, Jungkook.” Why does he have to say it? Why does this still hurt, if they were only ever just friends? Taehyung had tried to be so careful. “Whatever you think this is, it isn’t.” He grimaces at the watery drip to his own voice, the way he keeps failing to keep it together. Jungkook is still emitting dominant signals and it’s taking everything within Taehyung not to whimper. “Then what is it? I’m not...oblivious and—and I know you’re not faking it. If you don’t have feelings for me, then you’re doing a shit job of acting like it.” At his words, the omega falters. The car is stuffy now, the keys to the engine still in Jungkook’s pocket. Taehyung finally gives in to his instincts and lowers his head, sniffling as his hands automatically caress his bump. There’s no fucking way this could work and it’s frustrating that Jungkook can’t see that. “Look at me, Tae.” His voice is lower now, and Taehyung shivers. “I fucking can’t, Jungkook.” It’s true, Jungkook is still radiating dominance. “Shit, shit, I didn’t—fuck…” In a moment, Taehyung’s muscles relax and he looks up to find Jungkook with a mild look of disgust and self-loathing on his face. “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize—” “It’s fine. I...yeah.” “I’ve never done that before. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you submit—” “I know Jungkook—” But the alpha interrupts him. “I mean it, please. I’m not—I’m not like... Minho. I won’t force you to, I just. It’s so clear to me, that we,” he motions between them weakly, eyes ablaze. “We work so well and I’ve never felt that with anyone and I don’t—” “You’re seventeen—” “Gonna be eighteen—” “I’m pregnant, Jungkook.” Silence. “And the kid isn’t yours. And I’m stuck in this city for a while, because I’m a dad now. And you’re not. You have a whole year of high school left and,” He sucks in a breath when his voice shakes. Fuck no he’s not crying through this. He swallows. “And you’re like top of your class. You’re gonna be a great alpha. You, like, already are.” “Taehyung.” The way he says it, Taehyung knows he wants him to look at him. But he won’t. When he moves to get out of the car Jungkook jolts, confused. “Where are you going?” “Yoongi will pick me up.” “Tae, come on.” “This is not gonna work. You need to let it go.” Stepping out of that car felt a lot like jumping into an endless well, the uncertainty cold and frightening. It felt entirely wrong yet he does it anyway. Because he’s only eighteen, sure, but he’s not a little kid anymore. ***** Chapter 13 ***** Chapter Notes gonna go ahead and change the rating to E. there's abortion talk in this and the next ch, as well. See the end of the chapter for more notes It’s April and according to Dr. Byun, Taehyung’s baby is essentially fully formed. This doesn’t surprise him because it feels like he’s fully formed. In fact, it feels like there are at least two of them in there, fully formed and thriving. Inside him. It’s been eight months and the thought of there being an entire bundle of life within him is still baffling. But there are constant external reminders that help it seem very, very real. Less baffling and more, well, impending. His creamy scent has become potent even to himself. The attention he gets is almost dizzying as everyone is hardwired to want to protect him and his unborn child, to implicate themselves in his life in whatever way possible. Strangers hand him tissues, smile at him encouragingly although always a bit confusedly, as if they can’t understand what’s compelled them to engage with a teenage stranger. Jungkook maintains his distance after their fight (Jungkook having asked for some space), yet everyone else seems to do the opposite. Teachers assign him hallway buddies to hold his books and to even accompany him during his frequent bathroom breaks. It’s all a bit excessive, but Taehyung can’t do much but let it happen. As taboo as it is, having an unmated, pregnant, and teenage omega is a surprisingly rare and precious thing, society having learned to protect them instinctually somewhere along their evolutionary history. And so he accepts the attention from his classmates and friends, noting in the back of his mind the jarring contrast it makes with his home life. + “I don’t remember what dad’s voice sounds like.” At Taehyung pouting, Eunjin pouts too. Yoongi sighs. “Sure you do.” Taehyung sniffs and takes a sip from his brown-looking smoothie. Something rich with vitamins. It’s deceivingly flavorful. “He has one month to get his shi—his act—together. I don’t want my baby growing up in a house where everyone resents him.” “What does resent mean?” “Means hate.” “Tae, it doesn’t mean hate.” Yoongi turns to Eunjin beside him. “It doesn’t mean hate.” “I don’t hate your baby, Tae. I love your baby.” Taehyung smiles. “I know, Jinnie.” They’re silent for a bit as Yoongi picks at his stuffed doughnut. For once, Hoseok isn’t with them, not that Taehyung minds his company. But it’s nice to have his undivided attention. He’ll blame his neediness on his approaching due date. “Do you know about the Family Rights Act from, like, the 50s?” “Uhh yeah? When they banned contraceptive use for a bit?” “A bit? Tae it was like thirty years. I was watching a documentary about it the other day. It got me thinking.” Taehyung stirs his drink. “About what?” “Banning contraceptives while having abortions be illegal… Think about it Tae it was super unsafe for omegas during that time. The rate of back-alley abortions skyrocketed and—” “What’s an abortion?” While Yoongi sputters, Taehyung steels himself before facing Eunjin. “When you terminate a pregnancy.” He turns back to Yoongi. “Continue.” “Uh, right. Where was I?” “Back-alley abortions.” “Oh yeah. The numbers soared. It was unsafe, but because contraceptives were banned, naturally, cause for abortions increased. Not to mention, the ban affected the supply for suppressants. After a certain while demand was so high for suppressants, prices went up. It was a shit show, Tae. They don’t talk about it in school but it was awful.” Taehyung can’t help but shiver, imagining the pressure put on people to mate, to stay safe from cruel intentions. “But that was so long ago.” “The law was repealed in like 1982.” “Shit.” “The generation that protested that law, that’s our parent’s generation. And like, I imagine that the ideology around it still affected them into their adult life and all that.” “What are you trying to say then?” Yoongi sighs softly. “I don’t know. I guess. There’s a reason there’s so much,” He waves a hand in the air messily, “commotion around you. I mean think about it. When was the last time you heard of an unmated teenage pregnancy?” “I mean, it’s uncommon but that’s because like. I don’t know. Suppressants exist? Condoms exist?” Taehyung winces, remembering Eunjin quietly absorbing their conversation. “I’m just saying, Tae. That there’s history here. And I wouldn’t be surprised if adults see you and are reminded of all the unwanted pregnancies that government legislation caused.” For a moment, Taehyung just slushes his smoothie around with the straw. What Yoongi is saying, it makes sense. But what is Taehyung to do? His pregnancy is not a political misfortune. It’s a lot more personal and subtle than that. Maybe it’s about classification and harmful stereotypes. But it’s not about the law anymore. And his parents...well, they hadn’t even bothered finding out the truth behind his situation. He can’t help them if they don’t want to be helped. Eunjin is staring at the remainder of her pink smoothie despondently and it makes Taehyung’s heart constrict. She’s so young, but she’s already getting exposure to these heavy topics. It isn’t fair to her, but what can he do? “I guess that’s good to keep in mind.” Yoongi smiles, relief and sympathy falling across his features, grateful that Taehyung hadn’t had an explosive reaction to the information. The young omega is past that, he thinks. He’s excited for his baby, excited to meet him. And he’s tired of being angry at everyone. He’s off social media now. He gets his memes and entertainment content from random blogs. He misses going through the motion of scrolling through a feed, but he thinks it’s better this way. It isn’t easy seeing how the other kids are preparing for college and a life of independence, while he prepares for something quite different. When he tells Jungkook about his decision to delete all his profiles, the alpha is encouraging. They’re not talking much, but it’s alright. Mostly. Getting home later that evening leaves him feeling quite empty. It’s ironic, considering. But Yoongi’s history lesson had left him wondering about a number of things. Taehyung has homework to do. Things that have been pushed off for weeks, that Taehyung is likely to keep pushing off in favor of thinking about other things. He can barely concentrate, anyways. It’s a bit upsetting that just as he’s getting used to being pregnant, he’ll soon be, well, not pregnant. Soon his son will be born with a whole onslaught of new needs. He’s thinking of him now as he lays on his side, comfortable and warm in his bed. Taehyung is thinking of him, his baby, the image of his latest ultrasound fresh in mind. He looks like you, Tae. Jungkook had said it with so much certainty every time. It was hard not to believe him, to give up reason and follow whatever belief fell from his lips. It’s Sunday, and Taehyung is alone, and he’s thinking about Jungkook. Jungkook’s rich, alpha scent had been committed to memory somewhere along the way, easy to conjure. It’s safe like this, right? Alone on a Sunday night. Is it safe to think about Jungkook and the love he’d handed over so early on? It has to be. He won't know. But it doesn't feel good to remember the alpha's feelings, their disagreement.  It’s safer maybe to think of his mouth, the feeling of it against his neck, his lips. Taehyung enjoys the effect he has on Jungkook the way he is in this state, mouthwatering and “buttery.” Normally, Taehyung doesn't like knowing people will instinctually lust after him. But now as he thinks about all the effort it takes Jungkook to restrain himself, to hold back from him, a thrilling emotion simmers in his gut. This is what this is for. This is why I smell the way I do. It’s for this feeling, it’s for Jungkook to know he can have me. The thought makes his head fuzzy, a dull desire thrumming within him. He clutches the pillow below his head and he sighs when he feels the blood rush south. It’s been so long. What would Jungkook do if Taehyung called right now? If Taehyung called, desperate for him through the phone? Whiny and vulnerable and for once not reluctant?  What would he do if Taehyung opened up for him? Craned his neck? Let Jungkook taste him between his legs? Would he compose himself like he usually does? Or would the young alpha lose it? Lose the calm, carefree act as a rougher, more animalistic drive takes over? With his hand wrapped around his length the way he knows feels best, refusing himself seems out of the picture, lazy strokes quickly becoming swift and sloppy. The image of Jungkook around him, tongue inside him makes his breathing near impossible. Fuck, it has been so long. He uses his slick to ease the slide of his hand and the friction makes his skin tingle, heart loud in his chest. He has to aim lower because of his belly and it momentarily deters him, feeling embarrassment, ashamed over his bloated self. But then he remembers the way Jungkook looks at him, the way his hands would softly tap his swollen stomach. So much affection packed in a single gesture. The thought suffocates him, dick hard and leaking precum, his eyes watery as he battles with himself. Wanting desperately to let himself dream of a world where they are older. Where it’s just Jungkook and him, and his child that he’s carrying. A world where he’s with Taehyung like this, naked and close, pushing into him and filling him up like it’s his most special purpose on Earth. When he comes, the pillow muffles his cry, body shaking as his orgasm rides out in dull waves. His mind's a mess but he can't bring himself to sift through it, the dilemmas and desires. The question that flashes brightest is "What if?" As he shuffles around (What if?). As he cleans himself (What if?). Fluffing his pillow and counting sheep. What if? And then he's asleep. Chapter End Notes >_< ***** Chapter 14 ***** He’s not sleeping. It’s the hormones. It’s common. Your body is preparing for delivery. Fuck that. It sucks. It sucks not to sleep. Sleep is fun. Sleep is fantastic. Somehow, somehow, sleep is underrated. It’s unfortunate really, that sleep is only acceptable at night, considering his body is no longer adhering to any patterns of social normalcy. In fact, it’s the very middle of the afternoon and it’s becoming increasingly clearer that right now his body thinks it’s the perfect time for sleep. And who is he to object? “Tae? How are you sleeping like that?” He vaguely registers his lab partner’s voice. “Mmm.” “You’re gonna snap your neck.” “’M g-nna snap yerr neck.” As Taehyung's eyes blink open, he catches a glimpse of Jungkook openly staring at him before he’s clearing his throat and turning away. “Sorry,” Taehyung tries, moving his tongue around as he regains wakefulness. He’d fallen asleep while sitting up. Impressive. “It’s fine. We’re almost done. Just… your neck.” He stretches his neck a bit, wincing at the aches here and there. His whole body has been quite ache-y, so it’s nothing far from the norm. “I’m fine. Um.” He looks down at his nearly blank handout. Then he looks at Jungkook’s. Most of his calculations were done. He sighs. “How long was I sleeping?” “Not long, like thirty minutes.” “You should have woken me…” Jungkook glances at him, refusing to let his gaze linger. They were talking again, quick (and genuine) exchanges in person and the occasional text message. It’s not the same as before, but in a way it’s what they both had asked for. (In a way.) “Haven’t been sleeping well?” “Not really. But Dr. Byun says it’s normal.” “Yeah, my dad said the same thing too.” He adds, sheepish. Taehyung wonders what else his dad says. From what Jungkook tells him, he’s a kind man. “Stop talking to your dad about me, please.” He complains, tone whiny. “Tae, he’s a nurse. He knows this stuff. Plus, he asks about you.” His handout taunts him. They’re doing stoichiometry. It’s kind of the hardest thing he’s ever learned in school. “What about?” “Just about you, like how you’re doing. They can, like, smell you on me so. Umm. You know—” “I do.” “Yeah.” It isn’t awkward. Omega scents don’t usually stick to random alphas, the implications of that are heavy. But it’s not awkward. (Nope.) “Your dad seems cool.” “He is. Well, he’s not but he’s alright.” The image of a man like Jungkook, older, with eyes just as kind and observant pops into Taehyung’s head. He hums. “Do you want to meet him? Them? My parents? Like, umm. Today?” “What?” “Yeah, for dinner or something.” Jungkook scratches his head nervously but otherwise his face is calm. Classic Jungkook. Meet Jungkook’s parents? How much do they know about Taehyung? Do they know he turned down their son? That he, a foolish omega, was at some point the object of his son’s affection? Or does Jungkook just tell them the two teenagers are simply good, platonic friends? The same lie they tell themselves? “It’s okay if you don’t want... My dad just keeps nagging me.” He chuckles lightly to alleviate whatever tension Taehyung’s silence had manifested. And then Taehyung tries blinking it away. “Sure.” He doesn’t know what he’s doing, agreeing to meet the parents of the alpha he can’t be with goes against all the rules he’s created for himself. But the man had asked about his wellbeing while his own father had been disregarding his entire existence. And it looks like him agreeing to come over is something Jungkook wants. He wouldn’t have asked otherwise, right? Maybe coming over is Taehyung’s opportunity to be a better friend to Jungkook. “You’ll drive?” + “Um, I can turn around if you want.” Taehyung only gapes back from the passenger seat, mouth open and eyes narrowed. Jungkook has gotten freakishly good at smelling his moods. It’s a little bit annoying. “I’m fine dude.” “My alpha dad isn’t home yet so it’ll just be nurse dad. He works the night shift this week so he’ll be home till 10.” “Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that.” Jungkook removes the key from the ignition and turns to study his friend. He watches Taehyung stare blankly at his own pregnant belly. “Seriously, though. If you wanna turn back it’s no big deal.” Taehyung simply sighs. He’s thinking about what Yoongi had said, about the older generations and teen pregnancy. The possible internalized prejudice he might have to be working with. But Jungkook wouldn’t have invited him over if that were the case. He pushes himself to trust the other guy, for both their sakes. “Let’s just go in.” Jungkook doesn’t offer to carry his school bag like he would have before their fight, but it’s okay with Taehyung. He doesn’t want the Jeons getting the wrong idea. So he wobbles in behind Jungkook, carrying his bag and cell phone himself. The first thing he notices is the subdued elegance that sticks to everything. The place is spacious and well-cared for, homey yet sleek. Jungkook’s dad comes to meet them from where he was, presumably a kitchen or an obscured seating area. His neat appearance compliments his kind face as he looks curiously at Taehyung. “Ah Taehyung, it’s nice to meet you finally.” The omega tries to clear his face of any anguish, opting to go for his sweet, charismatic smile as he bows. “Hi, Mr. Jeon. It's nice to meet you too.” Despite his soft expression, being under his scrutiny makes Taehyung angsty. But thankfully Jungkook is right there, ushering him down the wide halls and into his room with a casual wave to his dad. “Come out when you’ve put your things down, I want an opinion on this stew.” His omega dad calls as they move into Jungkook’s bedroom. That wasn't so bad. “I told you.” Ah, he'd said it out loud. Taehyung smiles softly (relief, and maybe a tired giddiness making its way through him) before asking where the bathroom is. Upon exiting their clean and warmly decorated bathroom, he pads his way to the kitchen where he hears father and son chatting across the stove. “Tae, come try this.” He trudges forward, suppressing the yawn that threatens to leave his mouth. “I ran out of chili peppers but I'm hoping if I add extra bell peppers and cayenne it could pass for decent.” Taehyung hums in understanding, still not sure how to act around the man Jungkook respects so much. When he's handed a spoonful of the brew, he tastes it experimentally, acutely aware of the two identical set of eyes trained on him. An appreciative noise escapes his throat as the various tastes register. Nodding, he turns to the older omega. “Is that jalapeño?” “It is. I chopped just a small portion, I'm surprised you caught that.” Jungkook sneaks in a few more scoops as Taehyung compliments the stew again, mouth already watering at the prospect of dinner. It's nice to be here with them. Mr. Jeon brings up his pregnancy only to compliment his form (“You look great, Taehyung. I've seen a lot of mothers looking far worse for wear at this stage.” And so on.) It feels good to hear it. Eventually, they do get back to Jungkook's room. The room is elegant like the rest of the house, with sturdy, sleek white furniture and cool tones setting everything together. It isn't overtly neat but still refreshingly clean. Or maybe, Taehyung thinks that because of the way Jungkook’s leafy scent sticks to everything. It's very enticing. “We usually don't eat till my dad gets home, like at 8—if that's okay? I think he's bringing the meat anyway.” “What?” Taehyung had been staring at his bookshelf. He turns to the boy sitting on his bed.“I mean, yeah that's fine. Of course.” “Are you okay?” The omega’s instinct is to get aggravated, but he catches himself being mean (I'm not weak!) and tries to be nice. “You asked me that less than twenty minutes ago.” (Keyword, tries). Jungkook sighs, eyes attentive as always. “You look tired, is all.” “Oh. I…” Jungkook is looking at him so openly, in a way he hasn't done since before their fight. It disorients Taehyung. He's the one to break eye contact. “I usually nap at this time.” The alpha nods. “Come sit.” He's grateful for the invitation. His body had started cramping in random places. “Do you want any painkillers or anything?” “No, no. It's okay.” Jungkook could tell when he was in pain, it seems.  As they sit, Taehyung's eyes are closed, focusing on his breathing (and no one else) till it passes. “Ah shit, he's kicking a ton.” Jungkook merely stares, dumbfounded by the situation, by their proximity. “Put your hand here.” Taehyung commands quietly. And of course, Jungkook obliges, curiosity painting his features. “Holy shit.” Jungkook's hand is to the right of his belly button, palm pressed to wear his son is toeing along the walls of Taehyung's belly. Staring at Jungkook’s hand on his stomach is a lot like watching something gorgeous unfold. A liquid-y sunset or an arrangement of flowers in the wind. A dainty ballerina, or something of the sort. Minute and embarrassingly breathtaking and a hundred times more personal. “Hold on.” Jungkook looks up at Taehyung inquisitively at his words, watching as the elder lifts up his shirt. Without a word, Taehyung gives Jungkook permission to touch his bare skin. And so Jungkook does. And it's hard not to feel good, the moment stretching between them as the baby continues moving, both sets of eyes trained on the hand touching skin. Jungkook chuckles softly, bringing his other hand up and looking at Taehyung thoughtfully. Taehyung nods and watches as his other hand makes contact, shivering at the transfer of heat. Suddenly, Taehyung feels movement in a variety of places, eyes widening as his belly moves in time with his baby. “Wha—is he moving?” “He's—ah—he's turning over.” “Does it hurt?” “No. He—” He tries to smile to show Jungkook he's fine, but in actuality it's a bit uncomfortable. “He doesn't move much. I think he's excited,” He huffs out a breath and Jungkook can only grin, hands and eyes glued to the bump for another few seconds before the baby stops shifting altogether. There's a beat silence before Jungkook is leaning back, voice dripping with awe when he says “Wow.” Taehyung simply smiles, shy for some reason. “He rarely moves like that.” “Glad I caught it then.” Jungkook's eyes are back on his. Taehyung reacts rather viscerally, scent thickening around them boldly. “Yeah.” Jungkook’s nostrils flare, pupils dilating and mouth parting. Taehyung drinks him in as inconspicuously as he can, heart quickening at his shallow breaths. How long could they play this game? “Um, you can sleep on my bed if you want? I'll wake you up a little later so we can do homework or something?” Taehyung's chin moves up and down, agreeing dumbly. His eyes still blown, and the aches from before come back. “Okay, sure.” + The smell of pine and leaf engulfs him before his eyes open. As his mind whirls back to consciousness, he takes in the unfamiliar surrounding in increments. The wide bed, the soft sheets, the pillow that's slightly fatter than his own. And of course the scent of Jungkook floating around him, stagnant and heavy, like a nest. Or a treasure chest. Taehyung takes a long whiff of it. And then another. And another. Muscles loosening as all the cells in his body seemingly relax. He hasn't felt this safe, this good, in months. Sighing, he rolls onto his other side, face absentmindedly burrowing into Jungkook’s pillow. The alpha tiptoes into the room just a few minutes later, eyebrows rising when he notices his friend is awake. “Hey.” “Hey.” Jungkook answers. Taehyung closes his eyes again, reveling in the bed he probably won't ever get to lay on again. “Dad Number Two is home,” he starts, moving towards the edge of the bed closest to Taehyung. With his fists scratching at his eyes, his stomach clenches nervously. “The lawyer?” “Who else Tae? I only have two.” The omega simply rolls his eyes and shoves the other lazily. He gets up slowly and Jungkook waits by the door before heading to their dining table. Meeting Jungkook's other dad is not as frightening as he imagined it’d be. Maybe it's because there's food between them, a comfortable buffer and source of conversation. Or maybe it's because Jungkook’s parents are just friendly, forward-thinking adults. Whatever the reason, Taehyung is enjoying it a lot, having a sort of bittersweet appreciation for the opportunity to nap and eat and talk, away from his own struggling family. They send him home with desserts that the adult alpha had brought home from a nearby deli. His whole stay so far had been unbelievably, well, chill. “I'm glad you enjoyed yourself,” Jungkook confesses as they approach Taehyung's block. “Alpha dad has a tendency to be kinda nosy.” He scrunches his nose, eyes on the road. “But he calls it curiosity.” “Really? He was so, like, respectful. Made me feel like a celebrity guest or something.” Jungkook laughs at that, teeth peeking out endearingly. “Yeah I told him to relax. Not that he's disrespectful he's just very fast-paced and calculative.” Taehyung imagines the man at work, in court, in a conference room. The image is easy to conjure. Usually men like this are the ones who openly blanch at him, ogling and visibly judging his pregnant figure. But there was none of that at dinner, not even discomfort. Maybe a twitch of his nose but nothing major. It really is rare. “You're really lucky to have them as parents.” He says it wistfully, voice quiet. Mind working through a number of feelings and ideas. Why does prejudice exist? Why had Minho insisted they have unprotected sex, really? “I know.” Taehyung misses the way Jungkook looks at him, gaze penetrating, concentrated before he speaks again. “We’ve always been pretty open with each other. I guess since I'm an only child. But. But yeah, my dads have kinda always included me in their conversations. At least as early as middle school.” Taehyung glances at him before returning his gaze to the outside. His house appears a block away as they turn onto his street. He listens. “And once, I don't remember the reason. I think one of our neighbors’ daughter she—she got an abortion. And it really beat up my omega dad. Like he was sad for a while, I was older too, like thirteen so I wasn't entirely oblivious. It was awful. I… I’d never seen him like that.” They pull up to the Kim residence but neither make motions to move. Instead, Taehyung unbuckled his seatbelt and turns to the other boy. “Turns out my dad, he had an unexpected pregnancy at a young age too. He—he also got an abortion. I—I don't know anything past that but. Yeah. So I. I don't know much obviously but there's baggage I guess and they've learned to, to I guess be... open.” Taehyung doesn't know what to say to the admission. He'd followed along, imagining the young girl, Jungkook’s dad, a thirteen year old Jungkook getting lectured on contraceptives. On stigma. It's a lot. “I see.” “Yeah.” The young alpha passes his palms through his face, through his hair. A bit tormented. “Sorry for dumping that on you. I just—” “No I'm glad you told me. I've been thinking about this stuff, too. Like our parents’ generation and social movements or whatever.” “It's a lot, man.” Taehyung whistles and Jungkook chuckles tiredly. “I'm. You know I don't know, but. I...like, when I think about it—you. I. Just. I think you're brave.” The words in this context, coming from this person, have every power to uplift Taehyung. And they do. His insides feeling like jelly, heart in his throat. He closes his eyes and let's his head hit the head rest. “Thanks.” Taehyung whispers, not very capable of full volume. “I know you're hard on yourself so I just wanted to say it.” “I don't regret keeping him.” He says it, not to defend himself against him, or any implication hidden in Jungkook’s story. But for himself, for Jungkook too. For his child. He says it because it's true, it had always been true. And up until this point, it had been a conviction he was afraid to share even with himself. A conviction he was afraid to live by, to stand with. But they’re well into April now and his baby is coming soon and it's time to face it. Wiping at his eyes, he feels Jungkook lean over to pull out some tissues, much like before. He hands them to his friend with a kind and steady gaze, similar to his father’s, before breathing out resolutely. “I know.” ***** Chapter 15 ***** Chapter Notes tw, pain! See the end of the chapter for more notes Something is off from the moment he wakes up in the morning. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint it so he’d let it go, watching as Soonshim whined and trembled around his legs, yelping at his belly button while he got dressed for school. He wasn’t due for another few days (three to be exact) and he’d actually studied for his history quiz for once. Stubbornly disregarding the dull aches pulsing through his lower body, he’d maneuvered himself into his mom’s car, ignoring his family’s wary glances. Which is how he finds himself in the middle of a hallway halfway done with the school day, body hunched over as a particularly sharp contraction squeezes him from within. At first, only the students closest to him react. Some watching curiously, while others chew their lips in worry. It isn’t until a low whine escapes his mouth that he’s ambushed by students and faculty alike. The throbs of pain deliberate and slow as he’s ushered to the school nurse’s office. He tries counting the minutes (the seconds?) between each contraction but the flurry of spiked senses combined with his own pain makes him nauseous, mouth dry as he tries to stay alert. “On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?” The school nurse asks him while he’s seated hunched in an armchair in front of the small desk, the bed too far away for his shaky legs. “I...like six?” Taehyung breathes, trying to steady his voice as he hears one of the administrative staff members yell at nosy classmates from outside the door. Why are they still here? The nurse, Mr. Park, takes his vitals, ensuring him once he’s done, that everything looks okay. Thank goodness. He’s texting Yoongi when Mr. Park asks him when he’s due. “Friday.” “Shit. I mean, that explains your smell—” He’s cut off by Taehyung’s strained wheeze as another contraction, of higher intensity pulses through him. “When did they start?” “This morning.” Taehyung’s eyes are screwed shut, so he misses the way Mr. Park’s eyes bulge, round face reddening as he pulls his cellphone out his pocket and calls an ambulance. Just as he hangs up, the door to his office springs open and in walks Jungyu in all his sullen glory. Only now he’s less sullen and a lot more energetic, rushing to his brother’s side  when he spots him. “I heard,” He pants. “I had to beg my teacher—How are you?” All the omega can do is stare at him blankly before his eyes are forced close in pain. “Mm, been better,” he murmurs. “Help me get him out into the parking lot, the ambulance will be getting here soon.” Jungyu nods, extending his hands to Taehyung who stares back apprehensively. “If I stand, I’ll die.” “Shush, don’t say that.” “C’mon boys!” Mr. Park calls from the other side of the door where he’s motioning to other staff to clear the way. When Taehyung stands, his legs shake, heart thumping against his rib cage at the strained effort, but thankfully Jungyu is no longer as scrawny as he once was, arms strong as he supports most of his brother’s weight. Mr. Park helps them onto the ambulance, watching intently as the vehicle drives off. + The doctors says he has a few hours left before he’s fully dilated. The news makes his heart sink to his dick. That’s a few hours left of contractions. When Yoongi arrives, he’s holding Taehyung’s overnight bag with a queasy look in his eyes and Taehyung almost cries in gratitude. “Tae, you literally commanded me to pick it up. Stop looking at me like that.” Yoongi complains lightly, and the omega just swipes at him weakly from his position on the hospital bed. He knows how Yoongi is with hospitals. “You can leave whenever you want.” Taehyung offers, the fact that Yoongi is here at all speaks volumes. “Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this.” His tone is light but his eyes are determined. Taehyung feels lucky to have a friend like him. Meanwhile, Jungyu continues to scroll through his phone at his station next to the bed.  The clock reads 3:35pm. Jungkook is still in his debate competition an hour or two away. Taehyung had yet to tell him. “Mom is picking up Eunjin and dad will probably come at like six.” Jungyu says, eyes still glued to his phone screen. Taehyung nods. The only person missing is Jungkook. + There aren’t enough painkillers in the world to combat the pain Taehyung feels. He regrets waiting so long to tell Jungkook, imagining a world where he’d been selfish, telling Jungkook to drop his things and to come sit by Taehyung. A world where the alpha’s palmy, earthy aroma would be around to soothe and ground Taehyung. A world where Taehyung could ask these things of him. Instead, he'd waited until Jungkook's competition was ending, phone call quick as Jungkook cursed the baby’s timing, promising finally not to speed on the drive back to town. + Taehyung wakes from a fitful evening nap to the sound of muffled voices out in the hall. There is now an IV attached to his wrist, migraine and pelvic pain only subtly muted by the painkillers. Eunjin and Jungyu are sharing an armchair and just as he’s about to call out to them, the arguing gets closer to his door. “I wouldn't be here if he hadn't asked me to come.” It’s Jungkook. “He's on a lot of drugs, he doesn't know what he wants!” If his migraine weren't so strong he'd roll his eyes. With the help of his siblings, he sits up. The shuffling sound from outside gets louder until Jungkook finally steps through the door with Yoongi in tow. “Tae.” Jungkook breathes, striding over to him, eyes wide as he inspects his friend from head to toe. Taehyung doesn't have it in him to disguise his relief, pressure seemingly diluting as Jungkook’s scent travels through him. “Jungkook,” He sighs, closing his eyes when the boy wraps two fingers around his wrist. The minor contact in itself is a painkiller, easing Taehyung’s anxiety like a spell. Up until recently, he’d believed these kinda things only happened in fairy tales. Yoongi clears his throat. Eyes still closed, Taehyung speaks. “Jungkook is my friend, I asked him to come.” To everyone’s surprise, Yoongi doesn’t counter him, silently resuming his perch on the smaller chair, the one by the window. Taehyung silently thanks Hoseok for making him soft. For a moment, the only sound is the beep of the monitors. “How was your competition?” Taehyung asks quietly. “Ah, we lost actually.” “Really?” Jungkook shakes the hair away from his eyes. “Well, we got second place in the district.” “Dude, that's still amazing. I'm,” A particularly sharp throb sears through his lower abdomen, but he continues, even as his full body winces. “Proud of you.” Jungkook just chuckles softly, sympathetic eyes on his when they flicker open. “It hurts right?” Taehyung nods after a moment. Something about Jungkook makes his brave facade falter. Because it's Jungkook, and he's already seen Taehyung be vulnerable before. He's seen him be a lot of things. “Don't be scared.” It's almost a whisper and Taehyung momentarily forgets they're not alone, eyes trapped in a mutual, heady gaze. “Are you Tae’s mate?” Of course it's Eunjin who asks, effectively breaking the spell between the two friends as she innocently asks the question that's been on many people's minds. “No—” Jungkook begins to say but he's caught off by a groan from Taehyung. He turns to find him doubled over, cursing through his teeth as he clutches Jungkook in one hand and the sheets with the other. “Get! The! Doctor!” + “Give me the shot! Give me the shot!” “We can't, Taehyung, it's too early. If you don't get to eight centimeters we’ll induce you, but for now it's—let's go to 11:45 okay? Then we’ll decide.” “Fuck that!” Jungkook’s eyes are livid. “He's asking for it! Just give it to him!” “Where's the anesthesiologist!” Taehyung's mom cries from beside the bed. Mr. Kim and Yoongi are with the kids in the waiting room. Taehyung groans. The nurse checks the monitor one more time before stepping out of the room, pace too slow for anyone’s liking. “Fuck he's like—he's right there. I can feel him. I—” Taehyung cuts himself off with a guttural whine that starts somewhere low in his throat. It doesn’t make its way fully out. Jungkook winces. Just then, a new doctor comes in, presumably the anesthesiologist. He has an assistant with him. “I swear I'm like...at nine.” Taehyung wheezes. “He's—” He's wheezing again so he shuts his mouth, eyes bulging communicatively. The doctor introduces himself and acts quickly, hands steady as he walks the three of them through the relatively simple procedure. Taehyung feels almost entirely delirious. But then it's over just as quick as it started. The sharp pointed pain from the shot adding to the unnervingly intense contractions until it all eventually dissipates. He moans at the numbing sensation, breath hitching at the feeling of no feeling. His mom moves to card her fingers through his matted hair and in the moment it's like he's a tiny kid again, cradled in his mother's arms after scraping his knee. His eyes well up before he realizes it, stress and fear bombarding him as Jungkook moves closer to his other side. He wraps his fingers around his wrist again and it's all surreal for a few seconds. “Argh! I—still feel. He's—Call—!” Jungkook beats him to it, pressing the button to call the doctor as Taehyung's face turns a dark shade of red. When the doctor and his entourage arrive, he confirms that the omega is indeed at a full ten centimeters and if Taehyung were feeling more like himself he'd cross his arms and say I told you so. Instead, he screams. + His baby is born at midnight. He weighs eight pounds and has a full head of hair. He feels awkward in Taehyung’s arms—too fragile, and miraculous—but it doesn't stop him from beaming down at him, eyes glassy as the baby breathes shallowly. No longer crying, his large eyes flicker open before falling shut. Taehyung rocks him in his arms and gives a slow and exhausted thanks to every divine entity up in the heavens. His name is Kihyun and he will be loved. Chapter End Notes one of my best friends had a baby last month. her comments abt giving birth: “right after she was born they left me with her! the whole night! I had no idea what I was supposed to do!” thank you for the kudos i know i keep saying this but it's still shocking and exciting to get recognition <3 ***** Chapter 16 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes Kihyun has no language capabilities at the age of one week. He has no capabilities of any kind, really. So he cries to communicate. He cries when he's hungry, when he’s sleepy. And when he cries after eating and a full nap, Taehyung thinks he cries out of boredom. When he's excited his tiny fists move in jerky circles while he whimpers wetly. When he's confused his eyes screw shut and his mouth opens wide before making a loud, watery sound. This is all to say, Kihyun is always crying. It unnerves Taehyung when he's alone with him, doing everything seemingly right. Because he’ll start to cry, upon waking up or in the middle of getting his diaper changed. It unnerves him because Taehyung doesn't know what he's doing wrong. “That's how newborns are Tae, it's not you.” Taehyung shifts the phone to his other ear. “It's just hard, like I gotta learn to tune it out, I guess.” “Yeah. My dad says you just gotta focus on sticking to a schedule early on. Making sure he rests and eats at the same time every day.” Taehyung sighs. Thankfully, it's gotten a bit easier to stay on top of the clock. He just feels a bit like he's quarantined. His own parents aren't home. He's missed a week of class. What's going on in the world besides his baby? “How are you, Kookie?” Jungkook chuckles at his inquisitive tone. “’m fine. Dad already wants to schedule some college visits for the summer but I told him to hold off on that talk.” “The school year hasn't even ended yet!” “That's what I told him!” Taehyung sits down on his living room couch, groaning as his body sinks into the soft cushioning. He needs to get back to class. “I think I'm gonna need a babysitter.” “Your teachers aren't letting you do the exams virtually?” “No,” He pouts. “You know how Mrs. Do is. Plus I think it's technically against school policy.” Jungkook tsks from the other line. “And...I have a few projects from, like, winter that I haven't done.” “What?! But you told me—” “I lied.” “Taehyung what the hell.” It's true, he’d lied. But Taehyung is too exhausted to feel remorse or even embarrassment. Finishing everything in time for graduation is starting to look impossible. He can smell defeat from here. It makes him nauseous. “Which projects?” “Kookie, I don't wanna talk about that right now.” “Is Kihyun sleeping? “Yeah…” “So why not now?” “Because! Yoongi already gave me this scolding.” He plays with the hem of his t-shirt, mind sluggish. “It’s just. My mom isn't helping like I thought she would.” It's true, he'd thought he'd be getting more help, more company, but he's been alone for almost all of it. His mom had helped him prepare the milk a few times but that was it. Not only that but waking up every two hours has started to take a toll on his energy levels. He still hasn't properly healed from delivery and psychologically speaking, he's had an existential crisis at least twice a day since Kihyun was born. There's no way he could gather the strength and mental capacity to finish coursework. “I don't even have time to shower…” “Tae…do you need help?” “...With the baby?” “No—I mean I guess but. I meant with the late assignments.” What exactly is Jungkook suggesting? “Well yeah, but—” “Can I come over? And can Yoongi come too?” + The three boys (Hoseok included) come over to Taehyung’s house after dinner. Yoongi isn't exactly too keen on having Jungkook present but he isn't rude about it either. Taehyung is glad because he hasn't seen the alpha since his stay at the hospital. And he's missed his company, his scent, but also just the way he is. His comforting presence, you could say. He has to stop himself from staring, from touching. Maybe this is normal postpartum behavior. Or maybe he's just screwed. (A thought for later.) Once they're situated, the omega gives them a run down of all his work, make-up assignments included. Unlike before, he leaves nothing out. At Jungkook’s suggestion, they make a plan of distribution, Hoseok volunteering to do the late math assignments and Yoongi taking over the history project. Jungkook of course accepted the chemistry load as well as the few short essays for the literature class. The process takes seven minutes. It’s all quite dizzying. “You guys don't have to do this.” Taehyung pleads, speaking over Kihyun’s small head. He's cradled in his father’s arms, awake yet unruffled. “We want to.” Hoseok counters, an earnest set to his gaze. “Just focus on your finals going forward. We’ll figure out the older stuff, okay?” At Yoongi’s words, Jungkook nods in agreement. Looking at the three of them, Taehyung nods back, mind whirling in a cloud of disbelief as he accepts their help. This morning he had grappled with the idea of himself as a high school dropout. A teen dad with no high school degree. But now he sees he still has time. That dreary image he’d conjured doesn't have to be his fate. It's like Yoongi had said earlier: You have options Taehyung. You're not alone! Despite the events of the last year, he'd been given a new chance at life. A son, and new friends. He isn't alone, and with Kihyun in his heart, he never will be again. Chapter End Notes newborn babies are terrifying!!! but tae is a superstar :') ***** Chapter 17 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes The day of graduation, Taehyung stays home. The diplomas are actually mailed to graduates, the ceremony being more of a tradition. So he decides against attending, having passed his classes through very untraditional circumstances. Strangely, his family members don’t fight him on it. Mr. and Mrs. Kim get off work early and Jungyu helps their mom in the kitchen. When they eat, it feels alright. His dad speaks every once in a while and Jungyu entertains Eunjin’s whimsical conversation. There’s a chocolate cake and a bundle of balloons. It’s as if the birth of his son had ushered them into a new stage. Something like acceptance, but not as sweet. Taehyung decides it doesn’t matter much to him. He’d found peace within himself, enough of it anyway to shed away the outward resentment he’d felt towards his parents. Maybe it was Yoongi’s history lesson. Or Jungkook's anecdote. Or maybe it was the realization that his parents aren’t perfect, or even heroic. They’re his parents alright, they had brought him to life and nurtured him. They’re his parents, and they’re human. Whenever they feel ready to ask for the truth he’ll be here, with Kihyun as testament. For now, they eat. + Summer is...well, sunny. He starts taking Kihyun out for walks in his stroller in July, the sun’s warmth pacifying them both. He's a sturdier baby now, two months old, stronger than before and more responsive. The days go by slowly—restlessly—but there’s no stopping. Taehyung’s sleep schedule is inconsistent, as is his eating schedule, but he doesn't mind it when Kihyun giggles at him brightly. Or when Kihyun stops crying the second he's in his father’s arms, the rush of belonging sweeping over them like an ocean wave. Jungkook’s house is still too far away to walk to, so on occasion, the alpha will drive by to pick them up. To both of their delight, Kihyun likes to be in Jungkook's arms. In fact, he likes to be in Jungkook’s arms a lot. “I guess it’s all the time we spent together while he was in the womb.” Taehyung supplies, tentative. It’s one of those days where both of Jungkook’s dads are at work, leaving their son alone in their spacious home for the late afternoon. It’s cool in his living room, fresh juice and crackers sitting on the coffee table across them. Taehyung’s cheeks redden when he feels the young alpha’s gaze hit the side of his face. “Don’t look at me like that.” They had been laughing about something before, something light and unimportant but he can’t remember it. For the life of him, he can’t bring himself to think of anything (anyone) else. Is it because he's exhausted? “Like what?” Jungkook questions in a soft breath. Like you love me. Kihyun starts fidgeting and Taehyung leans over to take him from Jungkook’s lap. When their fingers brush, Taehyung’s breath falters. Jungkook will be leaving next week to visit a few college campuses. And in a month he’ll be starting his final year of high school. And what about Taehyung? “What are you thinking about?”  The omega blinks. “What are you thinking about?” Jungkook narrows his eyes, but he doesn’t look away. A beat passes. “Kihyun has your eyes and nose.” It’s true. “But not my lips.” He shakes his head in agreement and watches as Kihyun’s eyes wander to different parts of the living room. Observant and owlish and overwhelmingly angelic. “I was thinking about you. When you asked…” Jungkook stays silent, giving him all the room in the world to speak. Taehyung places the baby on the carriage stroller before settling back on the sofa, empty-handed and insecure.  “Thank you for inviting me over.” “You invited yourself over,” He corrects, smiling, and Taehyung is too tired to look away from his mouth, his bunny teeth. He chuckles to ease the tension but instead it moves him closer to something that feels a lot like madness. “What are you thinking about now?” “I’m thinking,” Taehyung starts, pausing to pick at his nails. “I’m glad you came back.” It’s an understatement. But he says it because he means it, just as much as he meant it the first time he said it. It sucks still, just like it sucked then. “I’m sorry that...that we—we can’t…” Jungkook’s eyes bore into his. “You still think we can’t?” “You still think we can?” Whatever Taehyung feels for Jungkook, has felt for him since they first met again, it’s really big. It’s huge, in fact. And it doesn’t make sense. The two of them together don’t really make sense. Jungkook stares at the ceiling, tired of Taehyung’s shit probably. “Of course I do. Do you like me?” “Jungkook that’s dumb.” He’s still looking away from him, but Taehyung knows he’s hanging on to every word. “We’re both super young. You’re smart and can do things. Being with me will just...Will just…” He doesn’t have to say it does he? “Yeah we're young but I also know I like you a lot? Like,” He turns to look at the omega again. The baby gurgles. “Like more than anyone. More than I thought I could. I can’t look at anyone else if my life depended on it.” Looking back at his earnest expression, Taehyung can’t help but react, his mind supplying him with memory after memory of Jungkook being a friend, respecting him, supporting him, loving him. When his eyes well up (as they do), he brings the back of his hands to his lids. Adding pressure so the tears won’t fall, but also to hide from Jungkook (a pride thing). He couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else either. Is that selfish? “I like you a lot, too. I don’t think I’ve ever actually said it.” He laughs weakly at the realization. “Do you want to try being together?” Jungkook actually asks, patient and enamored as ever, and Taehyung wants to scream, or laugh. There are so many things that seem wrong about it. Their age, and his son, their future. The last time Taehyung had followed his heart, he’d been brainwashed and mistreated. But it’s like he’d said before, Jungkook is different. “I do. I—I’ll be a shitty boyfriend though...” “I’ll be the judge of that.” And Taehyung is different, too. They smile at the same time, and upon making eye contact, a rush of affection and genuine excitement courses through the omega. When Jungkook ushers him closer, Taehyung doesn’t hesitate. He falls into his chest feeling like a lovesick damsel, breathing him in and flooding into his warmth. He laughs, a little wild, and Jungkook’s arms wrap around him, grounding him. Physically, it’s very much like the last times, both their breaths hitching and scents spiking, mixing. But now Taehyung’s shackles aren’t raised, and his heart isn’t just racing at the precious proximity but at the future they’ve promised to explore together. The alpha’s, his alpha’s, tongue on his pulse point sends a familiar jolt of arousal down his spine. And when he noses along Taehyung’s neck, trailing along his jaw, Taehyung can’t resist pulling him to his mouth with a hand in his hair. Hearing Jungkook’s small groan when the strands near the side of his head are pulled exhilarates Taehyung, body producing slick before he can allow it. But he doesn’t have time to try out feeling embarrassed or aroused or fearless. He doesn't get the chance to blush or smirk, or to pull at Jungkook's hair again—because Kihyun’s small gurgling suddenly morph into tiny shrieks, just as Jungkook pushes his tongue into Taehyung's mouth. The baby's sounds make them jolt away from each other. Taehyung allows himself a moment to stare at his boyfriend, wide eyes and red cheeks and all. He kisses him again, very clumsy and unwilling to give up the moment. Jungkook simply giggles and Taehyung feels it on his lips and chin. Taehyung does eventually move away, standing to pick up his baby with warm hands, eyes dazed and face hot. The evolution of their relationship hangs between the teens like an electric current and Taehyung wonders if Kihyun, giggling cutely now after regaining his father's attention, can feel it too. Chapter End Notes :'} ***** Chapter 18 ***** Chapter Notes i added a chapter so it's 21 not 20 :^) Having a boyfriend who calls himself your boyfriend feels really really good. That this boyfriend is a board member in a bunch of student clubs, that he’s enrolled in the most advanced classes his school has to offer feels good too. But. Time management plays out like an olympic sport between them. They maneuver themselves around tight schedules with as much stealth as they can. Which leads Taehyung to his next conclusion: Having a boyfriend who is still in high school while being a stay at home parent feels...complex. But it works because they want it to work. It isn’t easy and sometimes when he hears about Jungkook’s classmates, the things they get up to on the weekends, his arm hair bristles. But then he remembers who he and Jungkook are and what they’ve overcome and how much they both want it to work and, and it calms him. This particular weekend is exciting because Jungkook’s parents are on vacation. “Okay he’s asleep.” “That was quick.” Jungkook comments from his bed, voice delicate. Taehyung leaves the door slightly ajar. “You don’t have to whisper, he’s a heavy sleeper.” The alpha nods but before he can say much else, Taehyung drops his weight on him mercilessly, giggling softly when Jungkook gasps. The omega cranes his neck back to get a good look at his boyfriend, concern spreading the more he stares. “You look like you haven’t been sleeping, Kookie.” “Mmm,” he shuffles from below him, until their legs are slotted, hands gliding to Taehyung’s sides.“That’s because I haven’t.” Taehyung moves his lips to Jungkook’s forehead, to his left cheek. “Baby you gotta sleep.” A short sigh falls from his mouth. It’s the end of the week. “Okay.” Jungkook closes his eyes and Taehyung jolts. “Not now.” Jungkook, determined, keeps his eyes shut, pretending to sleep, and Taehyung, affronted, shakes his shoulders. “I’m sleepy!” Jungkook whines jokingly as he resists Taehyung’s manhandling. “It’s only 9pm.” “Yeah but it’s Friday...” “Exactly!” Just as Taehyung is about to start pulling his hair (desperate measures), the alpha flips them over. A gasp escapes Taehyung’s mouth as he stares back wide- eyed at his boyfriend. A second passes, and the urge from before comes back, stronger. He moves to kiss Jungkook, open and hungry. Jungkook kisses him back of course, grin wide, enjoying getting Taehyung riled up. “So feisty…” “Shut up,” He breathes, moving his tongue around the inside of Jungkook’s mouth, biting his lip the way he knows he likes it. Tasting Jungkook on his tongue, his warmth on his mouth, Jungkook’s breath and nose and cheeks brushing up against him has his skin tingling. He loves the proximity. Wants to drown in it. He registers Jungkook’s grip on his waist, kneading into the meat of his thighs, and he suppresses a moan, breath muffled by Jungkook’s mouth on his. “You’ve been told you smell warm and sugary right? Like a fucking—ah—delicatessen?” Taehyung means to laugh at the compliment (a delicatessen?) but it turns to a whine at the end, when Jungkook starts pressing small bites near his collarbones. “Ye—duh. I…” Taehyung squirms. He can’t think straight. He can’t think about himself and his own scent when all he smells is Jungkook with a hint of something warmer. He can’t think straight, and when their dicks make contact through the fabric of their clothes, he really can’t help but grind right back into it. He’s already so wet. “So sweet. Mmm.” “Jungkook…” They kiss again. “What do you want to do?” And again. “Just…” Taehyung supports himself on his elbow staring back at his alpha with half-lidded eyes. He looks so good, with his eye bags and disheveled hair and bunny teeth. “Lemme suck you off.” “Mmm. Okay.” Taehyung pushes him onto his back, adrenaline tingling in his veins. “And then,” he starts again, voice lower as he removes Jungkook’s shirt. “You can eat me out?” Jungkook shivers at the cold air hitting his skin, at Taehyung’s words, and nods energetically, trembling as Taehyung trails a line of kisses down his stomach. When he gets to the waistband of Jungkook’s sweatpants, he pauses. “And then after, we can watch It’s Okay That’s Love?” Jungkook simply stares at his omega’s puppy dog eyes, relishing the way his heart tugs at the coquettish look on Taehyung’s face. His dick twitches. “Yes, yes, okay.” ***** Chapter 19 ***** Chapter Notes hi, there are super #fake uni facts in this ch :P See the end of the chapter for more notes “C’mon Hyunnie baby, please close your eyes. Please. Please. Please.” Taehyung tries pleading, walking back and forth along the floor of his room, with a fidgety Kihyun in his arms. Crooning into his ear is one of his last resort attempts at coaxing him to sleep. And just as he’s about to give up with a frustrated sigh, his son’s cries become quieter as his eyes flutter close. Humming a slow melody, Taehyung concentrates on rocking him to a soothing beat, heart racing at the prospect of rest once Kihyun dozes off. And it looks like it’s going to happen soon, the noises from the baby’s mouth stopping altogether for one, two minutes. With a sigh of relief, Taehyung starts moving them stealthily towards the crib and just as he prepares to lower the sleeping baby, his phone’s sharp ringing pierces the air between them. Taehyung groans, feeling the thin stretch of sanity he was running on snap and shatter. He checks his phone as Kihyun’s alarmed shrieks rise in pitch by the millisecond. It’s Jungkook. “Yes?” He snaps. “Tae—Ah, is now a bad time?” “It—Yeah—” Kihyun is literally hollering now. But it’s Jungkook. “It’s fine. You’re on speaker. What’s up?” “Um. Well. I got into KNU.” “What the fuck.” They’re both quiet as Kihyun continues crying in his arms. The Korean National University is three and a half hours away. It’s Jungkook’s dream school. “I...I’m gonna call you back okay?” The alpha says carefully. “Wait! No…” What does Taehyung say right now? Congratulations? What else? I told you so? I’m proud of you but let’s break up now before this gets ugly. “Congratulations.” He says hollowly. Kihyun squirms in his arms, face wet and splotchy. “Thanks, Tae. Call me later okay?” “Of course.” Of course. + When he drives to Jungkook’s the next day sans child (his mom agreeing to look after the baby), Taehyung has a lot of things whirling in his head. Murky things, like insecurity and jealousy and doubt. And if he’s being honest, every cell in his body is telling him to end it. To be smart. But then Taehyung sees Jungkook waiting at his front door as he parks his dad’s car, sweatpants and glasses on, and his resolve falters. If only slightly. When they hug, Taehyung squeezes him hard, mouth open and nose flaring. “So proud of you, Kookie.” “Thanks, Tae.” A kiss to his lips, like the start of a reassurance. Taehyung shudders. He’s going to need a lot more than that. They walk inside, Taehyung waving at Jungkook’s dad before they move to his bedroom. “So, I got into all seven schools I applied to.” They’re sitting on his bed, Jungkook with his legs over the side and Taehyung with his crossed in front of him. “And I have to respond to KNU the earliest.” “How early?” “Next week.” Taehyung blows a breath out. Everything is happening much faster than he thought. “I talked to my politics teacher, though, and he told me Sungkyunkwan has some decent poly sci faculty members and a really good journal—” “What? No… Why would you even consider—You have to say yes to KNU. Are you crazy?” Jungkook blinks, his eyebrows knitting together as his mouth opens in confusion. “I don’t want to go there.” “Don’t lie to me!” This whole conversation is leaving such a sour taste in his mouth, in his guts. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like how Jungkook seems to have made up his mind without consulting him. Giving up his dream school for...for what? Another dream? “I’m not lying, Taehyung. What the hell are you so mad for?” “I’m mad because you’re being rash! I’m mad because you’ve been working your whole life for this and... And now you have it and you’re just gonna—you’re just gonna let it go?!” Taehyung doesn’t remember standing, but he is. And he feels like jelly, like shit. His blood pounding in his ears as he paces in front of him. “What will your parents say?” “My parents know I’m capable of making decisions. Do you?” “Oh please! This is—this is, like, huge. This is the rest of you life! And if I let you ruin that because of me…” His voice cracks and Jungkook makes to move closer to him but he stops him. “Don’t!” This is nuts. Taehyung feels like his world is crumbling and the worst part is he isn’t even sure why. Jungkook choosing to stay close is technically an incredible gesture. And yet? And yet it feels disastrous. “I’m...going. I’m gonna go.” “Tae, c’mon!” Taehyung leaves without looking at him, mind set on fleeing. This isn’t at all how he planned this conversation to go and he resents how despite all that’s happened, he’s still surprised by how shitty things can get. Jungkook is bargaining so much on their relationship. And he’s tired of being the reasonable one. The one with both feet on the ground and his heart far from his sleeve. What good can come from dreams? + Kihyun makes grabby hands at him the moment Taehyung walks into his house. The sight clears his head, if only incrementally. While taking him from his mom’s arms, he feels her eyes land on him like a laser, penetrative and concerned. Damn. “Tae… Is everything alright?” “Uh, no.” He sniffs. “Not really.” He turns to move to his and Kihyun’s bedroom, not exactly sure he wants to tell his mom anything but too aware he might fall apart if he doesn’t. Luckily, she follows him to his room. “Thank you for taking care of him.” “It’s no problem.” He settles Kihyun into his crib and watches him crawl over to his favorite plastic light up rattle. Kihyun isn’t a dream. He’s real and he loves him. “Did something happen?” “Um, yeah.” He chooses to stay facing his son, despite everything, he's still too proud to be weak in front of his mom. “Is it... Minho?” “Ugh, no way.” He turns around. “Minho is not in my life. He will never be in my life again. Don’t, like... please don’t say his name to me.” He watches as the expression on his mom’s face shifts, concern into sadness and perhaps into pity. Ah, where was this last year? “I’m sorry.” It seems like she means it. Taehyung nods, sighing as he joins her on his bed. “I didn’t do anything.” He mumbles. “He left when I told him I was pregnant. He didn’t tell me. It was his idea though. All of it. He lied though, obviously. Like a lot. About everything. Jungkook, he thinks he’s a psycho. Like a psychopath or something. Less severe, I don’t know.” He stares at the lines of his palms, hands on his lap. “I know you liked him. So did I. Just. Don’t mention him. He’s the worst person I’ve ever met.” “Tae.” He feels her warm and calloused hand comb through his hair and he closes his eyes. Why do things happen in the order that they do? Why hadn’t this conversation happened last year? What lessons did he have to learn before feeling loved again? “I’m sorry baby.” It sucks that his mom hadn’t taken his side from the beginning. That she’d been full of accusations and fear. But he wants to forgive her, because he doesn’t like feeling like this. Is love a choice? He leans into her touch, and sighs. “Jungkook got into KNU, but he wants to go to the university in our area, to stay with me.” He says it softly because if he doesn’t his body might react again. “That can’t be a good idea.” “Yeah.” They watch Kihyun crawl around his crib for a moment as he gathers his thoughts. “He’s… he’s so crazy sometimes. Like, too good for me or something.” “Don’t say that, Tae. You deserve the best, are you kidding? Listen to me, you’re my son so I know you better than anyone. Don’t talk yourself down like that.” “If anything, me being your son makes your compliments invalid.” “Tae.” He stares back, pouty and exhausted. “Do you love him?” Taehyung thinks of Jungkook, his observant eyes and caring smile, his rational head and passionate heart. He thinks of his scent and how Taehyung’s whole body seems to have chosen him before he could think twice about it. He gulps. “So much.” “Then figure yourself out, kid. He loves you too, seems like. That’s enough to make it work, right?” Kihyun babbles, using the crib bars to rise to his feet clumsily. He stares at his dad as he thinks things over. “Right.” Chapter End Notes ah, thank you guys for reading this far. thank you to those who take time to comment and share your thoughts. it's so cool for me to see that there are ppl thinking about this story in ANY capacity, im always like omg! and seeing the kudos rise in number each day is straight up SHOCKING. you guys are awesome. ***** Chapter 20 ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes Taehyung practices his conversation around three times with Yoongi. And then twice more alone (once in front of Kihyun). He doesn’t want to misspeak, or cry, or panic. So he practices like it’s homework, like it’s the most important thing. And it kind of is. His relationship with Jungkook is young, sure, but it means the world to him, and like Kihyun and his siblings, Jungkook brings joy to his life like no one else can. So he practices. And when the conversation does happen with Jungkook, he makes sure to look him in the eyes when he says “I love you.” And surprisingly, his voice only wavers a little when he says “You need to choose yourself first, for me. But also for yourself. Because I know that I love you and that you love me, but you’re allowed to have dreams too.” And this time, it’s Jungkook who cries, head resting in the crook of Taehyung’s neck as his emotions drip down his face. “Don’t cry, baby.” Taehyung croons by his ear, so very affected by the way Jungkook’s emotions seep into his own interior, like they’re only one being. Taehyung has never seen him like this, and he hates it. The quiet tears do stop eventually, and when Jungkook moves away to wipe at his nose, he’s looking at Taehyung with furrowed brows. “You scared me so much the other day, Tae. I thought...I don’t know. I thought you wanted to break up. I looked at you and I thought ‘damn, he doesn’t want me.’” A wave of shame courses through Taehyung at his admission. He’d handled it so damn poorly. “I didn’t want to break up. I… I lashed out because I was insecure about me, about you thinking you want to commit to me. But I’m not anymore! I just want us to be smart about...us.” Jungkook sniffles. “Of course. Just. Just don’t react so strongly so quick.” The omega lowers his head. “I’m sorry I lashed out. This isn’t an excuse but uhh, my heat is coming so. Hormones.” Jungkook chuckles gingerly. “I know your heat is coming.” A flush creeps up Taehyung’s face. Of course Jungkook knows. “Thank you for talking with me.” At the tender tone to Jungkook’s voice Taehyung looks at him, really looks at him. His red-rimmed eyes and wet nose, the small hint of the tired smile that curves his lips when it gets like this. When it gets both exhaustive and important, heavy and passionate feelings stretching to their limits. He looks lovestruck, and Taehyung is sure the same look is on his own face, too. Taehyung leans in to kiss him, slow and reverent. “Thank you for listening to me.” Jungkook hums. “Thank you for trusting me.” A whisper near his mouth. “Mmm.” If Taehyung had a choice he’d stay kissing Jungkook forever, body languid as Jungkook sets a pace for them. Trusting Jungkook gives him a rush of pleasure, of purpose. He moves to straddle Jungkook, hands on his shoulders, on the side of his face. He uses the angle to deepen the kiss, hips loose when Jungkook moves him down by the waist. The friction is delicious. “So proud of you.” Taehyung could say it a dozen times and he’d mean it every time. Jungkook groans when Taehyung nips at his earlobe, and Taehyung can feel himself dripping. He knows Jungkook can feel it, too. “T-Tae...you...your suppressants.” “Mmm. Yeah, yeah.” He says, concentrating on licking a stripe along Jungkook’s neck. He’s getting himself all over his alpha. “Why aren’t—nggh.” The sheets rustle around them, and his knees knock Jungkook’s phone to the floor but they’re not paying attention to any of it. Taehyung can feel how hard Jungkook is under him, dick pressing into his ass cheeks every time Jungkook grinds upwards. Even with the layers of fabric between them it feels good. Trust and communication feels so good. “I ran out, I’m gonna pick some up tomorrow. But—but I was thinking…” At Taehyung trailing off, Jungkook slows down his movements until they’re both still. Well, Taehyung tries to keep grinding down—stubborn—but then Jungkook’s hands grip his hips to stop him. (It’s very hot.) “Thinking what?” “I… That… I could. We could try the heat.” Taehyung’s embarrassment attacks him from all sides but Jungkook is looking at him, attentive and soft, so he continues. “I was gonna bring it up before but then... the college news.” They’d never had full on sex before, let alone have a talk about his heat. “Okay, yeah uhh cool. With like, birth control right? Like—“ Taehyung buries his head in Jungkook’s chest. “—Ohmygodyes.” He feels the rumble of Jungkook’s giggle more than he can hear it. “O-okay.” Taehyung peeks up at him. “Yeah?” “I’d fucking love to help you with your heat. Like, it’s an honor.” “Oh god, shut up.” He’s giggling now, giddy and fearless. He moves to kiss Jungkook’s pulse point on instinct, wishing he could lay his claim. Instead he nips at it lightly, slick pooling when his alpha’s breath falters. When his earthy scent intensifies, something thick and heavy inside Taehyung’s lungs. What would Jungkook say if he asked for it? Would it be a push too far? Would it be contradictory of him, to suggest they try long-distance and then ask to be mated? Or, it could all be his heat talking. “I love you, Kookie.” He moves to kiss him again, arms wrapping tighter around his neck. “So much.” Jungkook hums, eyes ablaze. “I’m sorry about before.” Taehyung says it lowly, voice heavy. “I’m sorry I made you think,” he lays a kiss on the right corner of Jungkook's lips. “I don’t want you.” Another on the left side. Voice higher. “I want you.” On the mouth. “I want you…” It could be the beginnings of his heat making him think of mating marks, skin too warm and voice too thin just as Jungkook slips a finger in. It might not be, though, mind racing and heart satisfied with how their conversation had went. With how they continue to overcome every obstacle in their way like it means something. Jungkook lays him down and whispers sweet things by his ear, breath tickling the side of his face. Like this, together, Taehyung feels the most lucky, the most brave. He wants this forever. Chapter End Notes final chapter will be a bit of a time skip :') ***** Chapter 21 ***** Chapter Notes i have a request in the end notes :} See the end of the chapter for more notes The best way to describe November is with honest lyricism and some stringy guitar. Or, with modern poetry. A few feathery brushstrokes. Or perhaps all of the above. The point is, Taehyung thinks November is lovely. “November is...red!” He watches Kihyun draw thick, red squiggly lines on his sheet of paper. The older he gets, the more he resembles Taehyung. Skin a golden tan color, eyes large and luminous. Taehyung will think he’s used to it, used to the tantalizing resemblance, but then he’ll see a new expression on his baby’s face that really isn’t new at all, mimicking the features of his own, and of Taehyung’s parents before him, and it takes his breath away. Making the father giddy and impressed with biology. Something about mitosis, something about chromosomes. He can’t remember it much. But it’s all there in his kid. Sure Taehyung is biased, but Kihyun is quite literally the cutest kid on the block. “Ooh, that’s a good color.” “I like. Red.” Kihyun explains, tongue between his small teeth as he layers thick, waxy lines of crayon on top of each other. “Are there other colors in November?” “Mmm. Purple. And… and green!” “Oooh you’re right.” Taehyung lowers his head so he’s level with his son. He stares at his work curiously. “Are you gonna use those colors too?” He had asked his son to draw him November, whatever that meant to the three- year old. Kihyun had taken the request in stride, working on his monochrome piece diligently for the past ten minutes. At Taehyung’s question, Kihyun hesitates, eyebrows furrowing and mouth hanging open. But then he’s smiling, having seemingly worked out a very complex logic. “Nope! Just red.” “Okay baby, I love that.” It’s Thursday, the only day where Taehyung has no class, no work. He’d enrolled at an art program at the community college in town, once he felt ready to leave Kihyun at a daycare. The transition had been spotty, but it’s been two years, both father and son finally well-adjusted to the change of tempo. Thursday is the only full day they have, and despite his exhaustion Taehyung tries making their day together fulfilling as they catch up on their time apart. The house is quiet except for their voices and the funky trot music coming from his speakers. With Soonshim sitting lazily besides them, head resting on her paws as her eyes and ears follow them around the house, the omega feels almost complete. “Finish!” Taehyung, now in the kitchen, asks his son to bring over his masterpiece. “Oooooh!” He makes sure to flash his eyes, face animated as he takes in the marks. “That is so good.” Kihyun squeals, waddling closer to hug his father around his legs. Taehyung lowers the heat on the stove before crouching to pick him up, groaning theatrically as he settles him in his arms. “Baby, you’re heavy.” “Nuh uh!” Taehyung chuckles. “Are you done coloring?” But before he can answer, Taehyung’s phone buzzes. A text from Yoongi.   From Yoongi come outside ;)   Interesting. “You wanna see Yoongi?” “Yoongi!” “Okay, c’mon. I think he’s outside.” Kihyun wraps his short arms around his dad’s neck, peering around to face the front door excitedly. When he opens the door, Yoongi is nowhere to be seen. “Kooooooooookie!” It’s Jungkook standing in their driveway. Seeing him without warning, makes Taehyung’s stomach flip, heart in his throat as he moves down the front steps.   “Jungkook.” “Surprise!” He says smiling from ear to ear. Kihyun wiggles in his arms, motioning to move into Jungkook’s, so Taehyung lets go, watching as Jungkook hugs him tightly. They move inside momentarily, Taehyung staring rather baffled and lovestruck as Jungkook removes his shoes. Because the alpha had had to cancel last month’s visit, they hadn’t seen each other in six weeks. “You look so good, Jungkook,” he gushes, ambushing him once Kihyun is set down. Jungkook has grown up impossibly well since starting college. Growing into his nose, muscles lean but apparent. “And you.” He beams, holding him close as he nuzzles the crescent-shaped mark on Taehyung’s lower neck. Taehyung can’t stop smiling. Joy and surprise and affection mixing wonderfully inside him. “I’m making pajeon.” He murmurs, faces close as they breathe each other in. Kihyun is still running around giggling. Soonshim barking enthusiastically, adding to the chaos. “And soup is almost done.” “Ah, so I came at a good time then?” “Yeah.” He whispers, kissing him on the mouth before turning back to the kitchen. “And Kihyun naps after lunch…” “Oh?” The toddler in question is now dragging his toy cars around the living room with a piece of string, Jungkook’s arrival having catapulted him to new energy levels. Taehyung stares at his mate, a heady set to his eyes. “Yup.” They share a steady gaze, used to having to communicate telepathically in front of Kihyun. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly the arousal licks down Taehyung’s spine. But six weeks is six weeks. + “Fuck—nngg—hhuh.” Jungkook’s tongue inside Taehyung never fails to unravel him, fingers hooking and tongue exploring. He can feelit lapping, licking, scooping him up into Jungkook’s mouth, down his throat. “Add another—please.” In response, Jungkook moves his mouth away from his hole, biting softly at the skin of his inner thighs. “I’m here four days, Tae. No rush.” “When will we get the house to ourselves again, huh? Where we gonna—ngh—fuck? In the car? C’mon.” He bucks his hips up, fucking himself onto his alpha’s fingers. He hears Jungkook huff from far away, mind focused on angling himself just right. But then Jungkook is holding him down, asking him to be still, to submit. Taehyung whimpers. “We have an hour, babe.” He murmurs, voice low. Taehyung’s skin pricks. “Okay, okay. Just. Need you…” Their lips brush while Taehyung’s eyes are closed. He can taste himself on Jungkook and it has his skin flushing, air catching in his throat. “You like that? Tasting yourself on me, hmm?” Taehyung can’t respond, he doesn’t know how or why he loves it, slick accumulating between them. His sheets are already a mess. He nods. Jungkook moves his hand over his omega’s dick, pumping slowly as he plays with Taehyung’s nipple, licking the brown nub between his teeth. When he whines in pleasure, he can feel Jungkook’s cocky grin against his skin. “Jungkook! I’ll finger myself you know I will.” At that, Jungkook quirks an eyebrow. His mind supplies him with a number of visuals before he slips three fingers in easily. The slide punches the breath out of him, having gone so long without feeling it for himself. “Missed you so much.” “Mmmm.” “Gonna mark you up okay? “Yes, yes,” Taehyung moans as Jungkook pumps his hand. “Add another. Please.” He’s begging. When he does, the stretch, the sloppy sound of the stretch, sends Taehyung off. Whimpering and gasping, even as Jungkook’s other hand moves down to rub circles along his thigh. “You ready for me?” Taehyung nods messily, heart thumping in his chest as Jungkook lines himself up, his own arousal dribbling out of his tip. Upon sliding inside, they both gasp, instincts primal and hungry as they start moving in sync. Taehyung can’t think of having it any other way, of life having happened any other way. Pain and obstacles included. When Jungkook bites his mark, his moan is so loud he fears they might wake up the baby. But then Jungkook is licking the small beads of blood and the waves of pleasure pulse through him powerfully, their mating renewed, acknowledged and rejuvenated. Everything else leaves his mind. It’s only Jungkook. “God, you’re gorgeous Tae…” Jungkook groans, pulling his mate’s hips onto his lap and pistoning his hips at a better angle. Their pace slow and so, so deep. “I—ah—see so many pairings on campus and sometimes I feel like a dick.” He lowers himself to nip at Taehyung’s other nipple, breathless. “I feel crazy mostly. I…” Taehyung opens his eyes slowly, gazing back with wet lids and sweaty cheeks. “...I don’t see what people can see in—in anyone else but you.” At the crazed and open expression on Jungkook’s face, Taehyung loses it. He rises off his back to kiss him openly, mouths and tongues a mess and heart in his throat, in his mouth, fogging up his head. It’s all he feels with. Love flows in and out of him, into Jungkook and back to Taehyung, and it’s such an open and freeing thing. Their bond is secure and healthy despite their time apart, because of it. This November does not feel like last November, because the things from back then don’t hurt like they used to. This November, Taehyung knows forgiveness. He knows pain and love. And he knows hope. Chapter End Notes the song is anyone_else_but_you by the moldy peaches. i put that line in there bc i love cheese! thank you guys for reading. seriously I started writing this in july/ august but I was nervous about posting all this time. im glad i did : > *EDIT: i finally made that twitter i once talked about. come talk to me i have no friends yet :) also i'll be talking about my current wip ^_^ Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!