Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1746725.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager
  Character:
      Eren_Yeager, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Mikasa_Ackerman, Armin_Arlert,
      Erwin_Smith, Hange_Zoë, Mike_Zacharias, Annie_Leonhart, Reiner_Braun,
      Bertolt_Hoover
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting, Age_Difference, Age_Swap,
      Young!Levi, Eventual_Smut, Mildly_Dubious_Consent, Underage_Sex,
      Reincarnation
  Series:
      Part 1 of The_Rubble_Or_Our_Sins
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-06-05 Completed: 2017-10-07 Chapters: 17/17 Words: 53791
****** And Sometimes You Close Your Eyes ******
by RainDancer
Summary
     "Always together, just like you promised.” Eren rambled frantically,
     while his hands helplessly applied pressure to his various wounds.
     “Some promises are made to be broken kid.” Levi smiled slightly,
     completely unfitting to the situation.
     “Not this one!” Eren cried, his tears dropping onto Levi’s face
     underneath him. “Any but this one.”
     “Sorry Eren.” He sighed, his eyes closing with the effort. “Not in
     this lifetime.”
     ...
     The night he’d held his true love as he’d died he’d made a promise to
     himself, when he was next with Levi he'd keep him safe, they'd see
     the world together with only each other to care for.
     2000 years later he was going to keep his promise. All Eren had to do
     was find him.
Notes
     Un-beta
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
Time seemed to stop as Eren took in the sight before him, his mind not
accepting what he was seeing. He was humanities strongest solider, there was no
way he was lying on the ground, gasping for his final breaths. The blood poured
from his various injuries, mixing with the wet mud he lay atop of but Eren
still refused to believe.
He didn’t call for help, he didn’t draw focus to himself, he lay perfectly
still, staring at the sky as he accepted his fate.
“Levi!” Eren called out, running towards the injured solider.
He dropped harshly down on his knees when he finally reached his side, the
sounds of battle rung all around him but his focus was solely on his fallen
love.
“You’re going to be okay Levi.” He whispered, lifting up his face and rubbing
the mud off of his cheeks. He knew Levi hated dirt and he was in no position to
clean himself.
“Not this time brat.” Levi said, wincing slightly at the movement.
“You will. You’ll get better in no time I know it. And we’re going to defeat
all the titans together and then break down the walls that keep us trapped.
Then we’ll go to the sea and see the world. Always together, just like you
promised.” Eren rambled frantically, while his hands helplessly applied
pressure to his various wounds.
“Some promises are made to be broken kid.” He smiled slightly, completely
unfitting to the situation.
“Not this one!” Eren cried, his tears dropping onto Levi’s face underneath him.
“Any but this one.”
“Sorry Eren.” He sighed, his eyes closing with the effort. “Not in this
lifetime.”
“We will, don’t talk like that!” He begged, Eren couldn’t handle his
negativity. Levi was always his rock, pushing him forward in the worst of
times. He couldn’t be giving up.
“Get out of here, get yourself safe.” He whispered with the last of his energy.
This was exactly how they’d got into this mess, Eren had been reckless and Levi
had tried to save him without thinking himself, resulting in serious injuries
and fatal casualties.
“Not without you Levi! I love you.” He sobbed, leaning closer to the limp body
that lay on the floor.
Eren pressed his lips against Levi’s but felt his blood turn cold when there
was no response from the other. The lips that usually set his body on fire,
that caused his heart to skip, that moaned against his own night after night
lay cold and lifeless.
“Levi.” He screamed, pulling back to see his chest completely still, no
movement with his breath. “Levi no!”
“Eren! We need to get out of here!” Mikasa shouted, dragging her brother into a
standing position and pulling him away from the dead corpse on the floor.
As they ran he continued to look back, watching as the body of Levi became
smaller and smaller, nobody bothering to help him, nobody bother to pay their
respects. All far too concerned in their own safety rather than their fallen
comrade.
“Levi! Levi!” Eren shouted repeatedly, as if the sound of his voice could save
him, could somehow bring him back from the hell he’d found himself in.
He shouted until he could no longer see the other man, until he was breathless,
until his sobs soon took over the words that escaped his mouth.
…
“Levi.” Eren gasped, bolting up in his bed, his body sweating from another
vivid flashback.
Every night his dreams were haunted by his past life, the person he’d once
been, the world that had once been his reality, the man he’d once loved.
His eyes always plagued his dreams, his touch and his kiss assaulting his mind
every time Eren closed his eyes, his moans and gasps turning him on each night.
Not in this lifetime.
Levi’s voice mocked him from the depths of his mind, a phrase he could never
get out of his head. The night he’d held his true love as he’d died he’d made a
promise to himself, when he was next with Levi he’d take him to the sea. He’d
promised they’d stand in the salty water together, hold hands for once without
any worries, only having each other to care about.
2000 years later he was going to keep his promise, he’d find Levi, he’d protect
him this time, ensure he was never in any danger in this world. They’d be happy
in this lifetime, they wouldn’t be torn from each other as they had before,
they’d live their lives to the full, together.
All Eren had to do was find him.
With a sigh he lay back down in his bed, hoping to get a few more hours of
sleep before he was due to get up for school.
…
“Eren are you even listening to me?” Mikasa asked, taking a sip of her black
coffee that managed to get her through the day.
“What?” Eren asked, mouth half full with the cereal he was currently eating.
Truth be told he hadn’t been listening at all, he was struggling enough to keep
his eyes open and stop his face from plummeting into his breakfast in
exhaustion let alone pay attention to whatever his sister was prattling open.
After watching Levi’s death for what felt like the millionth time he’d had a
very hard time getting back to sleep.
“You need to look into getting a job.” She groaned, wishing he’d be serious for
a moment.
“No I don’t, I have to worry about school not a job.” He said, dismissing her
concerns. “I’m too young to work.”
Mikasa rolled her eyes at him, although that line worked on their mother,
combined with his wide, innocent eyes, but she was not falling for it.
“You’re 18 Eren, you’re not a child.” She stated, shooting him a look.
“What’s the point? I’ll be going to university next year.” He shrugged, fed up
with his whole family nagging him to get a job.
“With what money?” Mikasa scoffed.
“I’ll get a loan.” Eren rolled his eyes. “Do you really think a year’s worth of
part time work is really going to cover the cost of university? That shit’s
expensive.”
“Right, you’ll have a loan for classes and rent. What about everything else?
Bills, food, going out, alcohol!” Mikasa moaned, completely exasperated. She
knew that Eren wasn’t thinking about the future, far too concerned with living
day to day.
“I’ll get an overdraft.” He shrugged, pushing himself up from the table to drop
his now empty bowl in the sink.
“Well it wouldn’t kill you to help out around here.” Mikasa said, smugly
bringing her drink up to her lips knowing she had got him.
Money had been quite tight in their home lately, with his father recently being
made redundant and his mum’s pay check not being nearly enough to support the
family of four. As soon as Mikasa had left school she’d started an
apprenticeship and the little money she was making with that she put towards
helping her parents out.
Eren felt guilty that he was quickly becoming a burden to his parents in their
current financial crises, he guessed earning some extra cash to help pay his
own way would be beneficial.
“Alright, I’ll have a look into some jobs.” He promised, offering her a quick
smile.
“I knew you’d see it my way.” Mikasa smiled, wrapping her arm around her
younger brother.
“Yeah, yeah.” Eren rolled his eyes.
“I’m serious, Mum and Dad will appreciate it.” She said quietly, pressing a
kiss into his shaggy, brown locks.
“I know.” He admitted, leaning back into her embrace for a moment before
disentangling himself. “Right, I got to go before I’m late again.”
“Yeah get out of here.” Mikasa laughed, ruffling his hair and giving him a push
on his way.
“Catch you later.” He shouted, grabbing his bag and walking out the door.
…
Students bustled around Eren on their way to the canteen while he stared
intently at the bullet-in board that advertised various jobs looking for part
time work. Plenty of companies wanted teen workers, they were cheap, eager and
always willing to please. He sighed slightly as he scanned the various jobs,
most of them were offering weekend positions when ideally he was looking for
after school work.
Weekends where his time to do with it what he pleased, not for working. He
focused his weekends on making sense of his dreams, trying to put some
chronological order to his previous life, mapping out what life was like inside
the walls, scouring any social media website he could find for a Levi Ackerman.
Mikasa always told him it was an unhealthy obsession but he knew when they were
reunited and they could keep both their promises it would be worth it.
“This is a sight I’d never thought I’d see.” Armin laughed, coming to a
standstill next to him. “Eren Jaeger looking for work.”
“Shut up.” He groaned, nudging his best friend with his shoulders.
“I’m serious, what brought all this one?” He questioned, tilting his head
towards his friend.
“Thought it would be nice to have a bit of working experience before uni.” He
shrugged.
“Really?” He asked, raising his eyebrow.
“Nah, Mikasa thinks it’s about time I learnt the value of money.”
“Sounds more like it.” Armin laughed again. “Pretty decent stuff here.”
“Yeah, all weekends though.” Eren moaned as the pair scanned the board.
“So? Money’s money.”
“I like to keep my weekends free.” He informed him, getting close to giving up
for the day.
“Oh yeah, Levi.” Armin said, nodding his head slightly.
Eren tried to ignore the tone his voice held, he knew that Armin, much like
Mikasa, thought his obsession with his dreams was unnecessary but just because
they didn’t remember didn’t mean their past didn’t exist.
“Right, well I’m hungry.” Armin announced, trying to move the conversation
forward. “I’m going to head down to the canteen.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.” Eren said, briefly acknowledging that he’d spoken
before going back to looking.
“Putting work before food? The word really has gone mad.” He muttered, walking
away.
Eren rolled his eyes slightly at the comment, doing one last scan before
calling it a day.
Suddenly, like a beacon of hope he found the only after school job on the
board. Babysitting. He could do that, easily. All he had to was play around
with a kid for a few hours then put them to bed and watch TV until the mum came
home.
Ripping the flyer off the board he typed the number into his phone as he walked
out the school doors, hoping to find a quiet place to make the call outside.
Sitting down on a wall he double checked the number before pressing call.
“Hello?” A woman’s voice answered.
“Hi, is this Raquel Bernard?” Eren asked, reading the name off the flyer.
“Yes, can I help you?” She asked, a hint of a smile in her voice. Least it
sounded that way to him.
“Yeah, I’m Eren Jaeger and I’m calling about the babysitting position you
advertised.” He explained, hoping the fact he was a boy wouldn’t hold too much
prejudice against him.
“Oh right, and do you have an experience with children?”
“Well I was one myself once.” He joked, relieved to hear her soft giggle come
down the phone. “But, experience, yeah. I have babysat for my neighbours quite
often, helped out at the crèche where my mum worked and look after younger
family members all the time.” He lied, hoping it sounded like a half decent
resume.
“Wow, sounds impressive.” She complimented. “Would you be able to come over
tonight so we can meet face to face and you could also meet my son?”
“Yeah, of course.” Eren agreed eagerly, hoping to land himself an easy job. “I
can come by after school if that’s okay?”
“That’s perfect, my address is on the flyer. It’s walking distance from the
school so hopefully it’s not too far from where you live.”
“Nope, it’s actually a couple of streets down from me.” He reassured, another
little white lie wouldn’t hurt. It wasn’t close but it was still walking
distance.
“Great, I’ll see you later then.” She said.
“Yeah you will. Bye.” He said, hanging up the phone.
He slipped his phone into his pocket with a smile, she sounded friendly and if
he continued to sweet talk her he was definitely a shoo-in for the job. With a
spring in his step he walked towards the canteen, joining all his friends for
lunch.
…
Eren bounced nervously on the balls of his feet as he rang the bell to Raquel’s
house, he was definitely better over the phone than he was face to face, but
for a some decent cash he’d just have to suck it up and try his best.
“Hi, Eren?” Raquel smiled, opening the door.
“Yeah, hi.” He nodded, offering his best confident smile in return.
“Come in, come in.” She exclaimed, ushering him inside.
He stepped inside and did a quick scan of the house, expecting a little child
to be running around their ankles but there appeared to be none.
“Can I get you a drink?” She asked, heading towards the kitchen.
“Sure, water will be nice.” He called after. “Where’s the kid?”
“He’s upstairs.” She laughed from the other room. “I wanted to talk to you
alone first.”
“Oh sure.” He replied, following after her.
“Have a seat.” She gestured to the breakfast table, placing a glass of water on
the wood.
“Sure.” He smiled, taking a gulp of water to calm his nerves. No matter how
relaxed the atmosphere was it just hit him that it was his first job interview.
Raquel made herself a cup of tea and Eren took the chance to do a quick once
over of her. She had a friendly face and aura surrounding her, but a slight
edge that suggested if you got on the wrong side of her she would make your
life hell. She was quite a short woman with a very petite frame, but the
towering heels by the front door suggested she carried herself confidently with
a height boost. She had silky, black hair in a choppy style and wide, dark
eyes. He couldn’t help but feel the colour of her eyes was familiar to him, the
soft grey comforting to him in a way he couldn’t explain.
“Right, Eren.” Raquel said, sitting down opposite him. “I work evenings, five
until ten, so I wouldn’t get home until about eleven and I’ll need to be gone
around four. Is that doable?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I can get here by four no problem.” He nodded, walking home
at eleven wasn’t exactly ideal but he could use some of his money earned to put
towards a cheap, second hand car.
“Great, and while you’re here you’re welcome to use whatever you want. Make
yourself completely at home.” She smiled warmly at him. “I was thinking £6 an
hour, about £42 a day. Is that okay?”
“That’s more than okay.” He cried out, he’d be making around £200 a week for
sitting on his ass all afternoon. He’d be able to afford a car before the end
of the month.
“Wonderful. Let me tell you about Levi.” Raquel smiled, the proud smile only a
mother gets.
But Eren barely had time to register the smile, his blood had turned cold with
the mention of that name. There was no way it was the same Levi, it had to be a
coincidence. He wasn’t about to see a child version of the man he was in love
with, the man who had been haunting his dreams, the man who he’s spent the
better part of five years looking for.
“My prince is 10 years old, he can be a little bossy at times and does like to
get his own way but he’s an only child with parents who divorced when he was
still in nappies so it’s to be expected. Least that’s what I tell myself.” She
laughed, completely oblivious to Eren’s discomfort. “He does like things to be
clean, it’s getting worse as he’s getting older.”
“A little clean freak.” Eren joked, his whole mouth turning dry the more she
described him.
“Yeah, you could say that.” She grinned at his comment. “He’s very caring but
he likes to keep it hidden, stubborn little bugger, he’ll be a little cold at
first with you but the longer you’re around him the more he’ll warm up to you
and he’ll be the sweetest little boy you’ve ever met.”
Raquel finally stopped talking and noticed the slight hesitance on his face,
she bit her lip slightly at his expression, worried she’d scared him off.
“He will love you, I promise.” She smiled reassuringly.
“Great, I look forward to meeting him.” He said, his eyes wide in shock.
“Shall we go meet the little man now then?” She asked, pushing herself up from
the table, disregarding the tea cooling on the table.
“Sure.” Eren agreed, standing up on wobbling legs.
“Don’t look so nervous, Levi is a tough critique but at the end of the day I do
get the final say.” She winked, leading him out of the room.
Eren followed after Raquel, shaking, as if he was walking to his life sentence
rather than to a child’s bedroom.
“Oh, one more thing about Levi.” She said, turning towards him at the bottom of
the stairs. “He’s a little obsessed with a world he’s created in his mind, all
about three cities and some giants that keep attacking them and eating the
people.”
Eren swallowed thickly at her statement, was it possible after all his
searching he’d accidentally stumbled upon Levi, his Levi. Ten years too early a
voice mocked in his mind, in their previous life Levi had been the older one, a
swap wasn’t what he’d expected.
“I know it’s a little bit gory but I think it’s just a phase, expressing
himself. It’s just a game to him and I shouldn’t worry too much about it. That,
or I’ve got a future author on my hands.” She smiled, heading up the stairs.
Eren broke out into a cold sweat, but he tried to reassure that he was getting
ahead of himself. Levi was a very common name, it could be any child up there
with a fixation with giants.
He shook his head slightly as he drew closer to the room, he knew that there
were too many similarities to all be a coincidence.
“Levi?” Raquel called out, walking over to her son and kneeling beside him.
“Say hello to Eren.”
“Hello Eren.” He said completely uninterested in the other person in his room,
never even glancing towards the door.
“Don’t be so rude.” She lightly scolded, ruffling the boy’s black hair.
Eren found himself utterly speechless, without even seeing his face he could
tell straight away that was his Levi. The same soft hair that he’d run his
fingers through many nights, the same deadpan voice, granted it was higher but
it still possessed his same tone, and the proud way he held himself despite
being a small child. It all screamed his Levi.
If that wasn’t a big enough clue the little world in front of him was a
giveaway. He had built three walls out of Lego, smallest in the middle and
slowly getting larger all protecting a kingdom in the middle. The walls weren’t
perfect circles but they were as close as he expected a child to get using
square blocks. He had small action figures with strings wrapped around them as
a crude attempt at 3-D maneuver gear and big action figures lying on the ground
around his walls where the titans had clearly been defeated.
As if moving on their own accord Eren’s feet carried him across the room, as if
there was an unknown pull towards this boy that he couldn’t fight. Mirroring
Raquel he knelt down on the ground next to the walls, finally seeing the face
he’d been denied for so long. At his approach Levi did look up, meeting the eye
of the older boy for the first time.
Eren felt himself gasp as he looked into the small boys eyes, they were his
Levi’s eyes. The same steel eyes staring back at him that he’d seen so much in
his dreams, but they seemed wider, more innocent than what he was used to. His
whole face was softer in fact, the scowl he’d perfected was long gone, the
weight of everything no longer wresting on his shoulders. There even appeared
to be a hint of a smile on his face that was always a rarity with Levi unless
there was crude humour involved.  
There were changes to him but Eren could tell it was his Levi, it was
definitely his Levi.
He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to hold
him close but he knew he couldn’t, he knew he had to regain his composure.
“Hi Levi.” He whispered, not realising how close to tears he was until he
spoke.
“Hello.” Levi calmly replied, eyes never leaving his face.
Eren waited for a look of recognition, some sort of memory, a flicker that Levi
understood how important they were to each other but there was nothing. Instead
Levi’s eyes flicked between the face of his mother and the stranger before
glancing back to his toys, picking up his game as if the whole exchange had
never happened.
Eren felt his heart sink rapidly at the dismissal, after all these years of
waiting, planning for their grand reunion, thinking of how perfect everything
would be when they were back in each other’s arms he had never considered this
possibility. Levi had no idea who he was.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     Un-beta
Eren watched helplessly as Levi continued his game, softly whispering to
himself as his various characters interacted. Eren had known Levi for as long
as he could remember, before he even knew what love was he’d felt it. But it
seemed it wasn’t the same for Levi, although he knew about their old lives and
the titans, the more personal details seemed to escape him.
“Oh shoot!” Raquel called out, drawing Eren’s attention to her once again. “I
left my tea downstairs.”
“Psho.” Levi mumbled, mimicking the 3D maneuver gear, completely ignoring his
mother’s comment.
“I’m going to go grab it, why don’t you stay here and get to know Levi.” She
smirked, lifting up tall and leaving the room.
Eren looked on as Levi played, he was once again with the love of his life but
could not act on his feelings. At first, all that bothered him had been the age
gap but he had known he could wait, he’d always wait. However, if Levi didn’t
know him who was to say he’d ever return his feelings, had he made an
unconscious decision to forget about him, to dedicate this life to starting
again? A fresh life.
“Can I play?” Eren asked, his voice cracking under all the emotions running
through his veins.
Happiness, relief, fear, dread, excitement, love. They all fought for dominance
inside his mind.
Levi looked up at him with confused eyes, trailing over his face and assessing
him, an act he hadn’t really bothered to do earlier when his mum had been in
the room. Eren felt his breath catch in his throat, under Levi’s intense gaze
his body began to heat up, flashbacks to steel eyes trailing his body in lust
during late nights.
“Okay.” Levi said in a quiet voice, finishing his assessment and deeming him
acceptable. “You can be him.”
Levi reached over to a discarded Spiderman figure with string around his middle
before handing him to Eren.
“Thanks.” He laughed slightly at the toy, knowing the hero didn’t really fit in
with the titans.
“But you have to listen to what I say because I’m in charge.” He explained,
frowning slightly.
“Really?” He asked with a smile.
“Yes, I’m the Corporal.” He told him, pride filling his voice.
“Of course.” Eren said with a smile.
So typical of Levi to take control even at such a young age, directing and
instructing everyone around him. Even if currently, it was only Eren.
He watched with a grin as Levi played, the happiness within him that only comes
from the innocence of childhood. Despite the gore he was acting out, the death
of both the titans and his squad the smile was ever present on Levi’s face.
Eren only wished he could have seen it more in their past, wished they had met
in better circumstances, wished fate didn’t love to play cruel tricks on them
by taking Levi away too early or depriving Levi of the memories of their love.
“Eren!” Levi shouted, the older boy jumping slightly at the authoritative tone,
a tone he’d heard often in the midst of a battle.
“Yes, Corporal.” He replied, realising for most of the game he’d been far too
absorbed in Levi’s facial expressions, Spiderman hanging uselessly off his
fingers via string.
“60m class!” He cried, grabbing a large, well-loved rabbit plush off his bed.
Levi made the bunny titan walk across his bedroom floor, coming to a stop next
to the Lego wall and placing his paws on the bricks.
Eren swung his own character through the air to land on top of the wall,
looking into the eyes of the titan.
“Colossal titan. Haven’t seen you in a while.” He said.
For a moment Levi froze, looking towards Eren in shock at his knowledge. Eren
worried slightly he’d ruined everything, that Levi would be far too scared to
be around the man who, as far as he was concerned, had read his mind. But as
soon as the surprise had come it left again, Levi continuing his game as if
nothing had happened.
“Eren?” Raquel said softly, announcing her return.
He looked up at the women who was watching the pair with a found smile, Levi
ignored his mum completely and instead pulled the titan’s leg back and kicked
the wall.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” She asked, gesturing Eren out the room with a
curl of her finger.
“Later mummy! Eren’s playing with me.” Levi answered for him, looking up at her
with a cross scowl.
“Levi, he can play giants with you later.” She laughed, completely unfazed by a
look that had once had Eren quacking in his boots.
 “They’re not giants, they’re titans.” He pouted as Eren placed the figure back
on the floor and pushed himself onto his feet.
Reluctantly Eren followed Raquel out of the room, glancing back to Levi as he
went, but the look was never fully returned. Stubbornly Levi looked up at him
through his eyelashes before picking up the character he’d dropped and
continuing his game.
“The walls have been breached.” Levi called as Raquel shut the door behind
them.
With a quick nod towards the stairs she lead them downstairs, the sounds of
Levi’s fun growing fainter and fainter, Eren yearning to run back into the room
and bask in his once grumpy love’s joy.
…
“How would you feel about a test run tonight?” Raquel asked, placing a tea and
biscuits in front of Eren on the table.
“Tonight?” He echoed in shock.
Granted, there was nothing he wanted more than to spend all the time possible
with Levi he just hadn’t expected to be given responsibility for someone else
so soon.
“I know it’s quick. Originally I’d hoped that I could stay with you today and
see how you and Levi are together but I got a call from work and they need me.”
She explained.
“Right.” Eren nodded, reaching out for a biscuit.
“I’ll be right at the end of a phone if you need me and Levi is quite an
independent child so he won’t be much work.” She smiled. “I’m really hoping
you’ll say yes so Levi doesn’t have to sleep in my office again.”
Raquel smiled hopefully up at him, eyes pleading with him to agree. It turned
out that this look was one she shared with her son and Eren had no control over
his words when he opened his mouth.
“Sure, I’ll do the trail.” He agreed.
“You will? Thanks so much.” She gushed, a smile spreading across her face.
“Don’t worry about it.” He smiled back.
How hard could it be? Eren added silently as Raquel made a grab for her keys
and handbag.
“Feed him with anything you can find in the fridge or the freezer.” She told
him pointing around the kitchen. “And obviously feed yourself. About eight send
him off for a shower then to bed for him to tell you a bed time story.”
“He’ll tell me a story?” He asked, wondering if he’d misheard her.
“Yeah, he loves telling people about the giants.”
“Titans.” Eren corrected automatically.
“Titans.” She said with a dismissive wave. “You’re new so there’s a lot to
catch up on.”
“I look forward to it.” He bluffed, hoping he could help Levi fill in his
blanks, remind him of the past they once shared. He’d obviously spare all the
intimate details but to know they were close was important.
“He’ll fall asleep around 9, so if he’s still talking just tell him he’ll have
to save the rest for another day.” She told him, with a smile.
Deciding that was enough information to take care of the small boy, Raquel
walked into the hallway and shouted up the stairs for Levi.
“My phone will be on my desk the whole time so if you’re confused about
anything, even the slightest thing, just give me a call.” She told him.
“Yes?” Levi asked, crossing his arms slightly when he arrived at the bottoms of
the stairs.
“Listen sweetie, mummy has got to go to work.” Raquel explained, bending down
to reach his eye line.
“Do I have to come too?” He sighed, Eren smiling at his eerily similar attitude
to the old Levi.
“No, Eren’s going to stay here and play with you.” She smiled.
“Okay.” Levi said slowly, eyeing up the older boy. Although he’d been willing
to play with him it was clear to see he was quite wary of being left alone with
him.
“You’ll have lots of fun together.” She reassured, pulling him into a hug. “You
going to be on your best behaviour for Eren?”
“Yes mummy.” He nodded against her neck.
“Good boy.” Raquel gave Levi a quick kiss before standing tall again.
Eren smiled at the exchange, Levi finally having the family love he’d always
deserved, that he’d once admitted to him late night in bed that he yearned for.
“Honestly Eren he’ll be no trouble. He’ll probably just be playing upstairs.”
She reassured.
For the first time since Eren had arrived Levi appeared shy, standing behind
Raquel as she checked the contents of her bag. The idea of his mum leaving him
with this stranger causing him slight nerves.
Apprehensively he stepped towards Eren, lightly slipping the Spiderman toy into
his hand in what he assumed was a silent invitation to continue their game.
“Oh Eren!” Raquel cried out, lifting her head from her bag. “I’ll show you how
to work the TV before I disappear. Levi, darling, you can go back and play.”
She took hold of Eren’s wrist and led him into the living room, clearly having
missed the whole exchange between her son and the older boy.
“Tch.” Levi muttered.
Eren snapped his head around so quickly he felt a slight twinge in his neck,
the simple phrase throwing him back to nights in the castle. Levi watching, and
judging, his every move.
Levi quickly shot Eren a look, obviously deeply offended that he’d chosen to
listen to his mother over him, before stomping back up the stairs.
Raquel frowned slightly as she heard him go but then quickly shrugged.
“It will pass.” She reassured before showing him the basics of the TV.
...
True to Raquel’s word Levi still hadn’t left his bedroom, Eren having sat and
watched TV for almost an hour now. He was tempted to go check on him but the
glare he’d received before Levi left told him to leave him alone. Even after
all these years he still knew how read him.
Feeling eyes on him Eren glanced towards the door to see Levi stood there,
hugging the once colossal titan bunny to his chest. Looking at him now Eren
realised that the Levi he knew was gone and in his place was a young, innocent
child.
Gone was the confident, if somewhat cocky, corporal who carried himself with an
aura of superiority. All that remained was a little boy who was left alone with
a strange man, a little boy who wanted to appear strong but underneath it all
he still needed comfort and reassurance.
Eren knew he had to start again with this Levi, he wasn’t his Levi anymore and
holding onto that would make things worse. Levi was unsure, just like in the
past he was a loner, never letting anyone get close, he knew if he came on too
strong he’d scare him away. But Eren had won Levi over once he could do it
again. Granted their relationship would have to be different this time but he
didn’t mind, as long as he could be with Levi once again he would be happy.
“Hi.” Eren said quietly as Levi slowly walked into the room.
“Are you one of mummy’s friends?” He asked, tightening his arms around the
rabbit.
Eren debated his answer, unsure of what Levi wanted to hear, what would make
the small boy trust him.
“Mummy’s friends come over sometimes for sleepovers but then they don’t stay
very long.” He explained.
“I’m not one of Mummy’s friends.” Eren shook his head, he was definitely not
one of those friends.
“Then why are you here?” He questioned, frowning slightly, Eren having to
suppress a grin at the look, the same look he’d use to intimidate young
trainees.
“I want to be your friend.” He smiled, wanting to reach his hand out to him but
forced it down. “Would that be okay?”
“I guess so.” He said, hesitantly walking over to the sofa and sitting with
him.
He was sat at the other end, as far away as he possibly could get, but at this
stage it was good. Small steps and he knew they would get there.
…
Eren washed up the plates that they had eaten dinner off, relieved to see that
Levi no longer carried the bunny around for protection, that he was happily
talking to him and that he’d eaten all of his dinner despite the slightly burnt
pizza base.
“Eren?” Levi asked, pulling himself up with a slight struggle onto the table.
“Yes?” He replied, glancing over his shoulder at him.
“Can I have some ice cream?” He questioned, smiling up at Eren innocently.
Earlier he and Levi had searched together for something to eat in the freezer
and of course Levi’s eyes had zoned in on the tub of vanilla at the back.
Looking at his happy face Eren found himself unable to say no, he’d never been
able to deny Levi.
“Alright, since you’ve been such a good boy.” He smiled, getting the treat out
of the freezer.
“Thank you Eren!” Levi exclaimed, eagerly taking the ice cream and spoon
offered to him.
Once he’d cleaned the kitchen he turned to Levi, happily eating his ice cream
while his legs swung back and forth. How simple his joy could be in this world,
all the troubles of the past were long gone and Eren couldn’t be more thankful.
“Do you want some?” He asked, holding out the spoon for Eren.
“Sure.” He agreed, walking over towards the other boy.
He leant down, ready for the treat, only to have the frozen, sticky ice cream
smeared across his nose where Levi had also been lifting his arm to his mouth.
The small boy watched with wide eyes as it dripped off his nose and landed with
a plop on the floor.
Suddenly, Levi’s grin grew twice as big before he broke into fits of giggles,
the loud, lyrical noise filling the room. Eren felt his throat turn dry at the
sound, he’d only heard a hollow chuckle coming from Levi before never such a
pure laugh.
Eren’s heart beat in double time, he wanted to reach out and pull Levi into his
arms, hold him tight and never let go. His perfect, precious Levi was finally
back in his life and he found himself still unconditionally, irreversibly in
love with every little part of him.
“You’re so silly Eren!” Levi tried to say between breaths, his whole body
shaking with laughter.
“I think this was actually your fault.” Eren said with a fond smile.
“Nu-uh! You’re the one who nose-dived into the spoon.” He said adamantly.
“And I didn’t even get any ice cream.” He pouted falsely for Levi’s benefit.
“Here you go.” He smiled, holding out the now empty spoon.
“Thanks.”
He sunk the spoon into the ice cream and dug down deep but instead of bringing
it to his mouth he pressed it against Levi’s cheek, giving the boy a matching
smear.
“Eren!” He cried out, giggling once again, Eren completely addicted to the
sound.
“Sorry.” He apologised, wiping some cream on his other cheek.
“You’re getting me all sticky.” He complained, going against the smile
spreading across his face.
“So I am, I’m not very good at this.” He sighed dramatically, finally moving
the spoon away from Levi’s face.
“I’ll help you!” Levi shouted, grabbing onto Eren’s hand and pushing the spoon
into his chin.
“I’ll get you for that.” Eren warning swiftly grabbing the ice cream out his
lap.
“No!” He screamed in excitement, jumping off the table ready to run.
Before he had a chance to escape Eren grabbed him around the waist and pulled
his back against his stomach. He leant down to cover the boy in ice cream when
his nose was filled with Levi’s scent, the familiar smell transporting him
back.
He was in the castle, holding Levi close as he deeply inhaled the scent that
drove him wild but made him feel safe all at the same time. He pressed open
mouthed kisses to his neck as the man in his arms gently ground against his
crotch, slowly arousing him and filling him with lust.
With a gasp Eren quickly released the squirming child in his arms, his whole
body turning cold at the disgusting thought he’d had around the boy. Levi
looked up in confusion that their game had ended to abruptly.
“Your mummy won’t be happy when she finds out I let you have ice cream and
wiped it all over your face.” He burst out in panic as he noticed the
beginnings of a pout forming on Levi’s lips.
“I won’t tell her.” He promised.
“You go have a shower and I’ll clean up this mess so she won’t know.” Eren
winked.
“Okay, I’ll call you when I’m finished.” Levi said, attempting to wink back but
just blinked at him.
Eren took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair once he was alone,
he couldn’t let himself have thoughts like that anymore, not now Levi was a
child. It was wrong, it was sick. He may have loved a man but that certainly
wasn’t what he had now.
…
“Eren! I’m ready!” A now clean Levi called down the stairs.
“Coming!” He shouted back, turning off the TV and heading up to the boy’s room.
He walked inside to see Levi already settled in his bed, eyes drooping as he
struggled to stay awake, his small mouth opening wide in a yawn.
“Ready for bed?” Eren asked, leaning against the door.
“Not yet.” He shook his head, rubbing at his watery, sleepy eyes. “We have to
have a story.”
“Okay.” He nodded, chest tightening at the word story.
It was one thing to hear Raquel call the Titans a story but with Levi doing it
too it was clear to him that he didn’t believe them either. To him it was just
a game, not a world that had once been, everything that happened back then was
just a dream.
He sat down on the chair at Levi’s desk and looked at him expectantly only to
have Levi shake his head at him.
“No, you have to get into my bed just like Mummy does.” He explained, shuffling
over and pulling the corner of his duvet back in invitation.
“I think I’ll stay over here Levi.” He said, swallowing thickly.
After what had happened in the kitchen Eren felt it best if he kept a safe
distance between them, keeping their physical contact to a minimum for a while.
“Please Eren.” He whined, the sad voice squeezing at Eren’s heart.
“Alright, just this once.” He relented, glancing at the clock, it would only be
for ten minutes and then he’d go. It would be fine.
Once under the covers Levi snuggled into Eren’s chest, wrapping his arms and
legs around his body like ivy. A tired Levi always was a more affectionate
Levi.
“So, you going to tell me about the titans?” Eren asked awkwardly, wanting
nothing more than to wrap his arms around the boy but knew he had to resist.
“There are four different class of titan. 5m, 7m, 15m and 60m.” He said, almost
losing the end of his sentence to a yawn.
“And where do they come from?” He asked.
“Nobody knows, where they come from or how they’re born.” He explained,
nuzzling his face into Eren.
“Maybe people can change into titans?” He pressed.
“No. People fight titans why would they want to be them?” He questioned.
Eren’s pulse quickened at his response, Levi’s mind hadn’t reached the titan
shifters yet, he hadn’t even reached the point where he and Eren met. There was
hope, he’d remember who they were one day, he’d remember their relationship,
he’d remember everything they meant to each other.
“Is there anyone else with you?” He continued his questioning, despite the slur
to Levi’s voice as he spoke.
“My friends.” He yawned, his breathing slowing as sleep began to take over.
“Who?” He asked but never got a response as Levi was gone.
He looked down at the mess of limbs wrapped around him, holding him tightly
even in sleep. He knew he should leave but instead he basked in the familiar
warmth and comfort that he always got from Levi’s embrace.
Subconsciously, his arms wrapped around the boy, pulling him flush against him,
their heart’s beating together once again.
“I’m so glad I found you.” Eren whispered, pressing a chaste kiss into Levi’s
soft hair.
***** Chapter 3 *****
“I should probably leave.” Eren whispered into the dark, shivering slightly at
the idea of returning to his cold dungeon.
“You do this every night, brat.” Levi moaned, sleepy eyes opening to send a
steely glare at the boy in his bed.
“Well I don’t want to overstay my welcome.” He mumbled, loosening the hold he
had around the older man’s chest.
Awkwardly, Eren tried to move back but was soon held in place by a strong grip
around his waist.
“How long until you’re going to stop this shit?” Levi asked, pulling Eren back
so their naked bodies once again laid flush against each other.
“Until I’m sure of how you feel about me.” He ventured, knowing it was a topic
that Levi never wanted to discuss, instead he’d just brush it off, pretend he
didn’t hear Eren’s love confessions when he was completely lost to the
pleasure.
“Actions speak louder than words.” Levi said shortly, hoping his firm tone
would put an end to this conversation but he should have known better.
“That’s not enough.” He whined, nuzzling his face into Levi’s neck, breathing
in the familiar scent of sex, sweat and the underlying soap that he smothered
himself in each morning.
“I’m tired, go to sleep.” He told him, turning away from Eren and breaking the
last of their contact.
Eren lay in the bed, eyes wide open as he watched Levi, purposely regulating
his breathing to trick him into thinking he’d already fallen asleep. But what
Levi didn’t realise was when he actually was asleep his breathing became quite
irregular, so much so that Eren had often woken up in the fear he was crying.
“In times like these people use relationships as a reassurance rather than for
emotions.” He spoke, knowing Levi would listen. “That making fake plans for the
future stops you from realising that your moments from death. During the times
when you can lose yourself you can imagine just for a moment you’re normal but
you don’t ever actually invest in the relationship, it’s just a way to appear
normal.”
“You’ve been speaking to Hanji again haven’t you?” Levi groaned, not even
bothering to continue with his charade.
“Is it true?” He asked.
“No it’s not fucking true!” He growled into the darkness. “You think if I was
just looking for a moment of release I’d let you stay the night? That I’d let
you see me at my most vulnerable and tell you things that I’ve never told
anyone else before? That I’d hold you night after night when you cry from your
dreams?”
Tears pricked the backs of Eren’s eyes as her threw himself at Levi, arms
clutching tightly around him, head resting between slightly damp shoulder
blades.
“Then say the words.” He whispered into the skin.
“Eren, I…” He sighed. “I care about you a lot, you know I do. I can’t say that,
I know it’s easy for you to say it to me but it’s not for me. But that doesn’t
mean I don’t feel it.”
Eren smiled and pressed feather light kisses into his back, he knew it was the
closest he was going to get to a confession from Levi.
“I’ve never said it before.” Levi continued. “But when I do you will be the
first person I say it to.”
“I love you.” Eren said, letting his eyes flicker shut, ready for sleep to take
over him.
“Me too brat.” He mumbled, just quiet enough for Eren to hear before he fell
into a slumber.
…
Eren woke up with a smile plastered to his face, the familiar comfort of Levi’s
embrace filling him, it always lingered after he had a dream like that but it
would soon fade within a few minutes.
But as he lay still with his eyes closed, basking in the last remains of these
feelings he found it wasn’t fading. If anything it was getting stronger, as if
he were back in the castle with Levi, holding him close as if he never wanted
to let him go.
Slowly and confused his eyes open, met with raven hair that his nose was buried
deep inside the locks, arms wrapped around a small frame, soft spluttering
breath against his neck.
With a contented sigh he pulled the warm body closer to him, writing the whole
thing off as an extremely vivid dream until he noticed the presence of a large,
stuffed rabbit in bed with them.
Eren shot up in the bed in shock, realising he was not in Levi’s chambers but
instead a child’s bedroom, in a bed with bright blue covers with some unknown
cartoon characters rather than the scratchy sheets from his memories.
“What’s going on?” Levi yawned, looking around his room in confusion.
Eren found himself completely speechless as he looked down at the young boy
turn to look at the other person in his bed, sporting the same bedhead he’s
seen many times in his dreams.
“Eren? Why are you in my bed?” He mumbled, slightly incoherently.
“We were talking about the titans and you fell asleep.” He fake smiled down at
the boy. “I was trying to leave without waking you.”
“You should be quieter next.” He scolded, snuggling down further into his bed.
“Sorry.” Eren apologised in a rush, clambering from the bed as quick as he
could.
There was no movement from the bed Eren assumed that the brief disturbance
hadn’t fully woken Levi and he was asleep again.
Once outside his room Eren took a deep breath and leant against the door, he
glanced at the clock and noticed it was 11 o’clock, two hours he’d been lying
in that bed and he hadn’t even noticed falling asleep. He’d only wanted to stay
for a few minutes, not to sleep, limbs tangled together as their breathing had
become one.
They’d often lay like that together in the past, refusing to get out of bed as
they listened to signs of life running around the castle. But it had been
acceptable then, Levi hadn’t been ten years old, too young to even understand
the romantic desires of an adult.
“Eren?” A voice called, making him jump where he stood.
Raquel was back, moments ago he’d been holding her son in an embrace, how would
she feel if she’d have seen that? If she’d have known that after less than a
day they were that comfortable, that familiar with each other?
Silently he descended the stairs and walked into the kitchen where she was
currently searching for him.
“Oh there you are!” She smiled.
“Hey, I was just checking on Levi.” He lied, gesturing upstairs.
“How is he?” She asked, tilting her head to one side in confusion.
“Fine, woke up a little when I went in but I’m pretty sure it was only for a
moment.” He reassured him.
“Right, can I get you a drink?” She asked, gesturing around as she took a large
gulp from her wine glass.
“No, I’m fine thanks.” He declined, he was sure getting drunk with your
potential future employers wasn’t a great idea.
“How was tonight?” She questioned, pulling up a chair, Eren mirroring her
action.
“Fine. Little strained at first but he warmed up to me pretty quick.” He
smiled.
“Really? Well that is unlike Levi, usually takes a few days.” She explained,
Eren’s heart doubling at the though.
“Obviously just a good judge of character.” Eren joked, earning a laugh from
Raquel.
“So, and please don’t let the fact that I’m getting desperate affect your
decision in the slightest, will you take the job?” She asked.
“Yeah I will do.” He smiled, her desperation holding no value in his choice, it
was all based around his own desperation to never lose Levi again.
…
Eren’s fingers shook as he walked home, excitement coursing through his entire
being, amazed that one simple day could change his whole life, that he’d
finally find what he’d been searching for.
With great effort he landed on Armin’s name in his phone contact list, far too
buzzed to text he pressed call and brought the phone up to his ear.
“Hello?” Armin yawned, answering the call.
“Hey, did I wake you?” Eren asked.
“Nope but this English homework is doing a good job sending me to sleep.” He
moaned.
“Shit, I haven’t even looked at mine yet.” He mumbled, biting his lip. He’d
planned to work once Levi had fallen asleep but had got far too distracted.
“Oh yeah, you had that job interview today. I take it went well?” Armin
questioned.
“Yep, got the job.” He smiled.
“Congrats.”
“Thanks. Listen, you busy?” Eren asked.
“No overly.” He admitted, glancing over at his English homework in disinterest.
“Think you could come to mine? Need to talk to you and Mikasa about something.”
He told him.
“Sure, you alright?” Armin asked, clearly concerned.
“Yeah, I’ll explain everything later.” He said, quickly hanging up the phone to
avoid any further questioning from his friend.
…
As he rounded the corner to his house he saw the familiar mop of blonde hair
walking from the other end of the street.
“Can you please just tell me what’s going on?” Armin asked as the pair drew
closer.
“No without Mikasa.” He shook his head, quietly unlocking his door.
“Come on.” He whined. “The suspense is killing me.”
“Soon.” He told him, pressing his fingers to his lips to quieten the excitable
boy, gesturing with his head to his dad asleep on the sofa.
Ever since he’d lost his job Grisha had taken to watching crime show re-runs
late into the night, falling asleep long before he could see the end and find
out who’d done it.
Slowly, the boys made their way up the stairs, freezing when an almighty creak
echoed through the house on the fourth step. But beyond a slight snuffle Grisha
didn’t wake up.
“Mikasa?” Eren whispered, lightly tapping on her door.
When they received no response they quietly walked inside, only to see the girl
spread eagled, face down on her bed, still dressed in the clothes she’d left
the house in this morning.
“Hey, wake up.” Eren said, shaking her slightly.
“What?” She groaned, tiredly trying to push him away.
“We need to talk.” He sighed, forcing her to turn over, her eyes adjusting
sleepily to see the two boy in her room.
“This better be important.” She pouted, crossing her arms over chest as she
tried to suppress a yawn.
“It is.” He confirmed, eagerly nodding as he thought back to his beautiful
little Levi, finally back in his life.
“Where have you two been all evening anyway?” She asked, glancing between the
best friends. She was used to them loudly messing around in Eren’s room when
she came home from work but today it had been surprisingly quiet.
“He’s got himself a job.” Armin told her, smiling proudly at him.
“Really?” She asked, head flicking towards her brother. “Doing what?”
“Babysitting.” He shrugged, not really wanting to discuss this when there were
more important things going on.
“Decent money?”
“Yes Mikasa.” Eren sighed. “I got £42 for the evening.”
“Not bad.” She said with an approving nod.
“More than I make in a week.” Armin complained.
“Look, the money is not important.” He growled, trying to reign the
conversation back in.
“Alright, what is so important that I had to come over here and almost
midnight?” Armin asked, looking towards Eren.
“I found him.” He grinned, bouncing excitedly on the soles of his feet. “At
work I found him.”
“You found who?” Mikasa asked.
“Levi! I finally found him.” He practically squealed, no longer trying to hide
his lovesickness.
“Oh.” Armin and Mikasa said, Eren’s mood dropping quickly when he realised they
didn’t share even an ounce of his joy.
“Come on, at least be slightly happy for me.” He pouted.
“Well, truth be told Eren, we never thought he was real.” Mikasa admitted,
nervously biting his lip.
“What?” He cried, glancing to Armin to see if he agreed with his sister.
“She’s right.” He nodded.
“But even after I told you everything you thought he was fake?” He questioned.
“We just thought it was simple recurring dreams, not a reincarnation.” Mikasa
explained.
“Well it’s not just dreams and I’ve found him again.” He stubbornly told them.
“Are you sure Eren?” She asked. “I mean you see a man who looks slightly like
this dream guy and you’re just jumping to conclusions.”
“I’m not jumping to conclusions.” He defended, he knew for a fact he had found
his Levi again.
“At least consider this poor man’s feelings.” Mikasa continued to rant. “He’s
married, has a child, he does not need some teenage boy coming into his home
and projecting his fantasies onto him.”
“He’s not the dad.” Eren mumbled.
“He’s not the dad?” Armin echoed. “I thought you said you met him at work.”
“I did, but I never said he was the dad.”
“If he’s not the dad then who is… Oh god Eren he’s not!” Mikasa exclaimed,
giving him a look.
“He’s not what?” Armin asked, completely missing the point.
“He’s the kid isn’t he? You think the man you’ve been dreaming about for years
is the kid you’re now babysitting.” She said.
“I don’t think, I know.” He defended.
“Jesus Eren!” Mikasa cried. “So what are you telling us here? That you’re in
love with a six year old child?”
“He’s ten…”
“Oh that’s fine then.” Mikasa cut him off in disgust.
“It’s not like that Mikasa. He’s still a child, I’m not so stupid that I can’t
see that but at this point I literally don’t care. All that matters to me is
that he’s alive and well again, age ten or age eighty I’m just glad I’ve found
him.” Eren shouted, very aware of how loud their voices were raising.
His dreams were not something he’d ever approached with his parents, they’d
worry about him far too much but if they continued this argument he didn’t
doubt they’d find out soon.
“Eren… I just…” She trailed off with a huff.
Armin and Mikasa shared a look, a silent conversation being held just by their
eyes, Eren watching helplessly as they no doubt discussed him and his current
mental health.
“Just say it, I know it’s about me.” He growled.
With a deep sigh Armin decided he would do the talking, he was always the more
level-headed and diplomatic of the two.
“We just feel that maybe it would be best if you forgot all about this little
dream world of yours. I mean, you’re almost an adult and that means growing out
of childish games.”
“It’s not a game, it’s all real. I know it is and Levi does too.” He reassured.
“Levi’s a child, he would claim to remember the First World War if you pushed
hard enough.” Mikasa scoffed, earning an eye roll from Eren.
“I didn’t even bring it up with him if you must know, he told me all about it
himself.” He said, slight smug smile on his lips. “Now try and tell me it’s all
made up.”
“But there are no records of these so called Titans, no evidence that they ever
existed.” Armin said with a sigh.
“I don’t care what the history books say I know it happened.” Eren crossed his
arms over his chest.
“I’ll admit this thing with Levi is a strange coincidence.” Armin offered with
a smile. “But that’s all it is. You can’t just make something out of nothing.”
“I’m not, I know what happened. Levi and I fought titans together, side by side
and in this lifetime we will be side by side again.” He recited, it was a line
he’d told them over and over as he looked endlessly to find Levi once again.
“We’re just worried about you.” Armin said.
“You don’t need to be, I’m not some reckless idiot. I know there are
limitations to our relationship this time around, I’m not going to act on it.
He’s too young, I understand that, but I’m just content to be with him in any
way possible.” Eren defended.
“Eren, you can’t compare a sexual relationship you thought you had with an
adult with looking after a ten year old boy.” Mikasa scolded.
“I’m not comparing, I’m just… Ugh!” He groaned, realising this conversation was
just going around in circles. “Neither of you can possibly understand what I
feel, what I’m going through. You’ve never been in love, you’ve never had to
watch that person you love die night after night knowing you can do absolutely
nothing to stop it.” He cried, the beginnings of tears forming at his eyes.
“You don’t have to believe me but I know in my heart that Levi is the one I’ve
been waiting for, my reason for coming back.”
“Eren…” Armin tentatively said, reaching a hand out for his best friend.
“Forget it.” He muttered, pressing the heels of his hands up to his eyes. “I’m
tired, I’m going to bed.”
Without waiting for a response Eren strode from the room, his hands shaking
slightly from his emotional outburst. Once safely inside his own room he
flopped down onto his bed, hugging his pillow tight and imagining it was his
precious Levi, not just a lifeless pile of feathers.
He tried to ignore the muffled conversation coming through the walls, quite
clearly talking about him, judging him but he stood by what he said they just
couldn’t understand what he was currently feeling.
They would never understand the joy of finally finding that one person again
who made your life make sense, to know that he would finally fulfil the
promises he made on the awful day as he’d watched the life drain from Levi, he
finally felt content now that his true love was back.
The more he thought about Levi the less he cared about what Armin and Mikasa
thought, Levi was back, he was a part of his life once again, and that was all
he really needed.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eren restlessly bounced his leg up and down as he watched the clock in his
final lesson of the day, the second hand moving far too slowly for his liking.
He only had to stick it out for another fifteen minutes and he’d be a free man.
It had only been a day but he was already addicted to having Levi back in his
life, being surrounded by his familiar aura, his safe smell. Eren felt like he
was finally whole again.
For as long as he could remember he’d felt like he was empty, missing a vital
part of his soul that he’d once had but it was harshly taken from him. When he
lost Levi on the battle field he’d lost his heart, ripped from his chest and
left on the cold, hard ground.
Now, like a shining light, Levi was back, his heart finally back in place yet
still fully owned by the other man. Only now he was just a boy, younger than
Eren had even been when he’d first heard of Levi.
He’d been thirteen when he’d heard of Levi, humanity’s most powerful, the
weapon that was going to help to defeat the titans. Eren had admired him long
before he’d even known who he was, he was everything he wished to be, he was
absolutely perfect.
He’d been fourteen when he’d finally seen Levi in the flesh, riding his horse
through the streets and he found himself completely awestruck by what he saw.
For someone so powerful he expected a large man with brute force but Levi was
delicate, he was graceful. Levi had scanned the crowd to see many admiring fans
and his eyes had met Eren’s, making the young boy blush, and to this day he
still swears there was a connection, almost as if they knew they were destined
for each other.
He’d been fifteen when he developed his crush on Levi, at first he was sure it
was hero worship, he’d saved his life and his friends. Eren remembered thinking
he looked majestic staring down at him, coat billowing in the wind as the sun
set behind him. The perfect hero. But as he spent time under Levi’s care,
blindly following the older man around, he realised his feelings ran deeper,
stronger than anything he’d ever felt before.
He’d been sixteen when he realised he was completely and utterly in love with
Levi. He’d berated himself mercilessly for the feelings, someone like Levi
would never look twice at a stupid boy like Eren, he was beneath him, he was a
filthy brat and nothing more.
He’d been seventeen when he got found out, Levi casually announcing to him over
some paper work that he’d noticed the other boy’s feelings. Eren had expected
to be shot down, to be laughed out, to be teased. He had never expected for
soft lips to meet his, for hands to wrap tenderly around his waist, for the man
of his dreams to love him back.
He’d been eighteen when it became public, living in such close quarters to his
entire squad there was only so long anything remained a secret, for them to
keep it private this long had been impressive. There had been mixed feelings
about their relationship among the soldiers, a few were shocked, a few were
sceptical, a few were angry, one or two were excited but neither man cared.
They were happy and that was all that was important to them.
He’d been nineteen when he’d held Levi as he’d died, as he’d watched the life
slowly leave the eyes he’d come to love, as he’d listened to the heart that
once beat for him stop. He’d been nineteen when he’d lost his entire world.
It had only been six years of his life but he’d never forgotten Levi, never
stopped loving Levi, never stopped longing for him. Now he was given a second
chance, now he got his Levi back he refused to ever let him go.
The bell rung out loudly in the classroom, snapping Eren out of his thoughts
and bringing him back to reality. With speeds he wasn’t even aware he was
capable of he packed up his belongings, rushing out the classroom before his
friends even had a chance to speak to him. He had far more important places to
be anyway.
…
“Oh, hello Eren.” Raquel smiled as Eren let himself in using the spare key
she’d given him last night.
“Hi Raquel.” He replied, looking around for the familiar mop of black hair.
“Where’s Levi?”
“Ah, about that.” She started, nibbling her lip.
“What about it?” He asked nervously, she couldn’t have changed her mind, he’d
refuse to leave, he needed Levi and he wasn’t going to let anyone stand in his
way.
“He’s got a friend over today, and his mother is fine with him staying if
you’re looking after them. But if you don’t want him to I completely
understand.” She said in a rush.
“No, that’s fine.” He agreed, relieved he wasn’t about to lose Levi a second
time around.
“Great, they’re in the garden.” She explained, heading outside with an unspoken
invitation for Eren to follow.
He walked outside to see Levi playing with a blonde boy, he was quite a bit
bigger that Levi both in height and width but they appeared to be the same age.
As they ran around they were both oblivious to the two adults who’d joined
them, far too wrapped up in their game.
For a moment the blonde glanced Eren’s way, offering a small smile before he
was knocked over by Levi, the pair tumbling into the grass in a chorus of
laughter. But Eren was too shocked to even notice their antics, his mind
whirling as he’d met those familiar blue eyes. His features were softer, his
hair messier, his smile brighter but he still recognised him in a heartbeat.
“Erwin.” Eren whispered, loud enough for the woman next to him to hear.
“Yeah, how do you know him?” Raquel asked in confusion.
“Oh, Levi mentioned him last night I just assumed.” He bluffed, his blood
beginning to boil.
Erwin had never approved of Eren, always believed Levi deserved better than a
scrappy little titan shifter. He’d always walked around with his air of
superiority, looking down on Eren, acting as if everything he did was wrong,
find pathetic reasons to nit-pick his very existence. He made it no secret that
he blamed Eren entirely for Levi’s death and continued to punish him for it, as
if watching the man he loved die wasn’t enough of a punishment.
“I need a horse.” Levi said, looking around the garden as if one were going to
materialise.
“I can be your horse.” Erwin offered, bending down onto all fours.
With a little giggle Levi climbed onto his friend’s back, laughing harder as
Erwin trotted around the garden, making noises with his tongue for the hooves.
Eren had no doubt that the reason Erwin had hated him so much was that he too
was hopelessly in love with Levi, he had that effect on people. Effortlessly
making them love him without even giving them a second glance. Erwin probably
believed they would be together once their war was over but then Eren had
turned up and stole Levi right from under him.
“Levi!” Raquel shouted, freezing the boys in their tracks.
The small boy looked over to the door and smiled widely when he noticed who was
stood with his mother, he quickly scrambled off Erwin’s back to rush over to
him. Eren felt his heart swell as Levi excitedly ran to him, an action Eren had
often done when Levi returned from expeditions.
“Eren.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around his waist and looking up at the
older boy. “Are you here to play with me again?”
“Eren’s going to be here a lot to play with you.” Raquel laughed slightly at
her son’s enthusiasm.
“Hello.” Erwin said, shyly looking at his feet, having followed his friend over
to the adults.
Eren felt powerful in that moment, the great Commander Erwin scared of him,
nervous around a little old soldier.
“Erwin, come meet my friend Eren.” Levi said, detaching himself from around
Eren. He reached out for his friend’s wrist and harshly pulled him to his side.
“Hi Erwin.” He smirked, feeling ever so intimidating.
“He’s my best friend.” Levi explained.
“Really?” Eren asked, Levi eagerly nodding.
“And we’re going to be best friends forever, aren’t we?” Erwin said, joining
in. Levi nodded once again before running back into the game, casting a glance
over his shoulder to encourage Erwin to join him.
Eren smiled slightly, how similar Erwin was to his former self, still needing
constant reassurance that Levi was his, that he still cared about him. But Eren
would let him get away with it now, he was far too young to realise how
important Levi and Eren’s bond was, so important that nobody would ever break
it.
…
Eren watched the two boys on the floor with a clenched fist, he knew it was
foolish to feel jealous over the friendship of two ten year old boys but yet
here he was, feeling irrationally envious as the children huddled under a
blanket to watch some mindless cartoon on the TV.
As much as he had wanted to trust Levi, he’d always been jealous of their
friendship and, if he was admitting it to himself, a little suspicious. Their
constant private meetings, late nights alone in each other’s chambers, secrets
that they never shared with anyone.
But this time he could be sure, they were young, they were innocent. They were
just friends and nothing more.
“What do you boys want for dinner?” Eren asked, glancing at the clock to
confirm it was nearing time for them to eat.
“Fish fingers and chips!” Erwin cried, having warmed up to Eren quite quickly,
effectively losing all his shyness.
“With carrot and peas!” Levi finished, the pair laughing slightly at their
request.
“But yesterday you told me you didn’t like peas.” Eren said, remembering a very
distinct fight between the pair when he’d tried to put some greens on his
plate.
“I know but today I want them.” He pouted, looking up at Eren with wide,
pleading eyes that he just couldn’t refuse.
“Alright, fish fingers, chips, carrots and peas coming up.” He relented,
leaving the living room in favour of the kitchen, excited whispers and giggles
following him out.
…
Eren watched the two boys in front of him in slight shock and intrigue, true to
his word Levi did not like peas and it appeared that Erwin was not fond of
carrots. So, each vegetable was painstakingly swapped, right down to the last
pea that had snuck under Levi’s chips, until they both had what they desired.
Eren found the whole exercise completely pointless but the wide grins of their
faces showed they were enjoying themselves.
Next time he wouldn’t mix them together and instead give them both separate
piles to save this whole palaver, Eren was halfway through his dinner before
either one of them had even begun.
“Why did you ask for peas and carrots if you only wanted one?” He asked them
both.
“Because then we wouldn’t be able to share.” Erwin said, as if it were
completely obvious.
“Best friends share.” Levi nodded.
“Do you have a best friend Eren?” The blonde asked, his eyes shining with
interest.
Eren find himself smiling at the pair’s childlike wonder, hanging on the edge
of their seats for his answer, to see if best friends still existed when you
were older or did you simply grow out the notion.
“Yeah. I have two in fact.” He laughed.
“You can’t have two.” Levi scrunched his face up in disgust, reminding Eren of
his perfected scowl. “Best means better than everyone, only one person can be
better than everything.”
“That’s true.” Eren nodded. “But sometimes you love two people so much you
can’t chose.”
“What are they like?” Erwin asked, Levi pretending he wasn’t listening but Eren
knew better than that.
“Mikasa is very strong and very protective of me, but she is my older sisters
so I guess that’s understandable. She puts on a very tough appearance but she’s
very caring underneath it, she just doesn’t like people knowing. Much like
someone else I know.” He shot a grin at Levi who stubbornly looked in the
opposite direction after being caught listening. “And Armin is very smart but
very selfless, he always puts others before himself but sometimes that’s
alright.”
“They sound very nice Eren. Maybe one day you can bring them here and we can
all play together. It would be fun if we could all do that. But my older
brother doesn’t like to play with us so they don’t have to if you don’t think
they’d want to.” Erwin rambled, as if he were trying to make up for his friends
lack of conversation.
“I’m sure they’d love to meet you both.” He smiled. “Now hurry up and eat, your
mum wants you home by seven.”
“Oh right.” He said, digging into his dinner, Levi reluctantly doing the same.
…
Eren looked up at the stars as he and Levi walked home, he’d always found space
fascinating. The same stars, the same moon, that had shone down on them the
first time around were still there. How much they would have seen. The world
destroyed over and over but always able to rebuild itself, come back striving
and move forward from near extinction.
Eren’s heart fluttered as he felt a nervous small hand slip into his grip,
softly interlinking their fingers and holding tightly.
And just like that he was that reckless boy ready to fight titans all over
again, slyly holding his Corporal’s hand under the cover of their cloaks. It
was seen as unprofessional to take romances outside the walls but before a
battle reassurance was sometimes needed, a reminder you had someone worth
coming back for.
“It’s sad we didn’t get to play together much today.” Levi said, never meeting
Eren’s eyes after his slightly awkward confession.
“Yeah, but we always have tomorrow.” Eren replied. “And your stories before
bed.”
“I can tell you all about Erwin tonight.” He smiled excitedly.
“Erwin?” He asked, stomach dropping. Of course he’d remember Erwin, he would
always be significant to Levi, always have a past that would outweigh any
passing romance the pair would have.
“Uh huh, he’s there and he grows to be so big Eren! Even bigger than you!” He
gushed, rising onto his tiptoes and stretching his hand up to the sky just to
portray how tall his friend would be.
“And what about you Levi? Are you tall?” He questioned with a gentle smile,
already knowing the answer and how much of a sore point it was.
“No. I’m not.” He pouted. “But mummy always says that good things come in small
boxes, like me.”
“Yeah, just like you Levi.” He smiled, unconsciously giving the boys hand a
squeeze.
…
Eren glanced at the time on his phone in confusion, Levi had been in the shower
for almost an hour now and he was beginning to worry. What exactly could he
doing in there?
Hesitantly he made his way up the stairs, freezing outside the bathroom door.
He probably shouldn’t go in there, not with their past, not with how intimately
Eren knew the body that was bathing in there. But it was in his job description
to protect Levi, he was under his care this time around and he needed to make
sure he was safe.
With a soft knock he pushed the door open, relieved to see that Levi hadn’t
knocked himself unconscious by slipping on bar of soap and was lying under the
shower spray. Instead, the boy was sitting happy in a bath of bubbly water with
a variety of light up ducks floating around him.
“Hello Eren.” Levi said calmly, turning the shampoo bottle upside down in his
hands and watching as the water rushed out.
“What are you doing?” Eren asked, as Levi refilled the bottle.
“Taking a bath before bed.” He explained, giggling slightly at the bubbles that
rose from his bottle.
“No, you were going to have a shower.” He scolded slightly. “Because you wanted
to play on the Wii before bed.”
“I changed my mind.” He shrugged, Eren almost growling at the infuriating
child.
He was clearly used to getting his own way, doing whatever he wanted whenever
he wanted without having to worry about the consequences. Eren would be lying
to himself if he hadn’t found his stubborn streak thrilling in the past but now
that it was aimed at him he was finding slightly annoying.
“Well you’re going to have to get out now.” Eren told him.
“But I don’t want to.” He whined, a sign that he was getting tired and needed
to be put to bed. “I want to play with you.”
“Tomorrow, now it’s time for bed.” He said, grabbing a towel off the radiator.
“Fine.” He sighed, standing tall and climbing out the bath.
Eren knew he shouldn’t look, he was just a child, his body wasn’t something to
be ogled at, to be lusted at. But he couldn’t help himself, his eyes freely
trailed up and down his soft skin, his body was so pure now, so unscarred, no
evidence of a previous tough life.
Levi took a step forward until he was pressed against the towel, and
inadvertently Eren’s own body. Moving on auto-pilot Eren wrapped the towel
around Levi’s small, shivering frame, inhaling deeply as he held the boy in his
arms.
Levi made no attempts at moving, clearly waiting for the other boy to dry his
skin off for him so he could get ready for bed. Eren knew he shouldn’t but god
how much he wanted to touch this boy stood in front of him.
Eren felt completely dirty as he gently caressed the young boy’s skin, finding
all the old markings of his corporal. The birthmark just below his hip bone,
the freckles he got on the bridge of his nose due to his fair completion, his
dimples on his pert buttocks.
He was broken out of his admiring by a loud yawn, small hands coming up to hid
the action from Eren but it was pointless, the noise was enough.
“You’re tired.” Eren stated, ruffling the boy’s hair until it stood up on all
ends.
He forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down after all the glimpses of
skin had filled his mind of a hot, naked Levi writhing underneath him while
Eren mercilessly pounded him into the mattress below.
“No I’m not.” Levi denied, rubbing at his watering eyes.
“Go get ready for bed.” He told him.
“But I’m not tired.” He protested, walking towards his bedroom anyway,
unabashedly naked.
Well, Levi had always been overly comfortable in his own skin, Eren didn’t
doubt that if the uniform wasn’t a regulation he would have been more than
happy in just a pair of shorts. He often wondered how many people had seen Levi
completely exposed, it was common knowledge that once he retired after dinner
his clothes would soon be gone. A lot of trainees, and some of the higher ups,
would take advantage of that situation and come to his room for “important
business” just for a glimpse of him. Although he liked to believe very few
succeeded beyond Eren himself.
“Eren!” An annoyed voice called from the other bedroom, obviously bored of
waiting.
“Coming.” Eren replied, quickly throwing the towel onto the rack and rushing
into his bedroom.
…
Eren looked down at the sleeping boy in his arms, his whole face completely
relaxed as his mind was filled with dreams of titans, of wars, of people that
he no longer knew. Levi had fallen asleep mid story and once again Eren found
it hard to leave.
He just wanted to hold him tightly and fall asleep himself, to dream of a world
where they were free, a world without any obstacles, a world where their love
could exist.
But he knew one day he would have everything he’d ever wanted, Levi would be
his physically, mentally and emotionally.
It would be frowned upon, an ex-babysitter dating his once client, and to top
that they both believed in a fantasy past where their lives had originally
crossed. But the words wouldn’t bother them, they never had done, all that
mattered to them was each other.
Slowly, Eren began to detach himself, sliding his arm out from underneath
Levi’s warm body before softly placing his head on the pillow. When he was out
the bed he grabbed the rabbit off the floor and slipped into Levi’s arms,
ending the whimpers that had begun once he’d lost Eren’s warmth.
Eren smiled as he listened to his gentle breathing, his chest slowly moving up
and down with each puff, plump lips parted slightly to allow the air in and out
of his body.
Without thinking, Eren leant forward, pressing his lips against Levi’s soft
ones in a kiss he’d been waiting for almost all his life. As they touched he
felt sparks flare up through his whole body, his stomach tighten as he nerve
endings burst with love.
“Goodnight Levi.” He whispered through tingling lips before slipping out the
room with a racing heart.
Chapter End Notes
     I feel like that chapter jumped around a little bit :/ sorry about
     that!
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eren lay across the sofa, barely paying attention to the quiz show he was
watching. The comedians featured kept making good jokes if the laughs from the
audience were anything to go by but his attention was captured by Levi.
He sat on the floor, hunched over pieces of paper while he furiously drew
pictures. They were of the titans, some of the city they’d once lived, a few of
himself and his comrades – least that’s what Eren assumed. No offence to Levi’s
artistic talent but his drawings were sometimes difficult to decipher.
It had been a few weeks since they’d been reunited and in that time Eren was
able to see more and more similarities between this Levi and his old Levi.
For example, old Levi when confused would work on paperwork. A pile that he’d
been ignoring for weeks on end would be finished within a matter of seconds as
he strived to avoid the problem.
Young Levi did not have the luxury of paperwork to help deal with his problems
so instead he drew, using the colours and lines to relieve his stress. It had
happened three times in the time Eren and Levi had spent together – once for an
argument he’d had with Erwin, once for the time he’d punched his friend for
calling him short, added guilt for the fact he had hit a girl, and once for
breaking his mum’s antique vase.
But each of this occasions Levi had drawn in a quiet anger before opening up to
Eren, so he knew exactly what to do. Wait it out and Levi would talk when he
wanted to.
And, as expected, after an hour of silence Levi’s quiet voice spoke up.
“You were in my dream last night.” He said.
“Really?” Eren asked, his heart beating in double time at this new information.
Was it possible he was finally getting exactly what he wished for? Levi would
finally remember who they once were.
“Yeah.” Levi nodded, letting his pencil fall from his hand and roll ominously
across the floor. “I dreamt that you were in this big hall and there were
people there watching you. You had your hands tied behind your back and you
couldn’t move.”
“Levi.” He said softly, knowing exactly what memory he’d had.
“I was there too and I walked over to you. You needed help so I thought that’s
what I was there for but I didn’t. I hurt you. I just kept kicking you until
you were bleeding.” He explained, hands shaking slightly as he spoke.
“Oh.” He whispered, of all the beautiful times they’d spent together he’d
remembered their fateful court room encounter. It was progress, Eren knew that,
but Levi’s young mind wouldn’t be able to comprehend the complexities behind
his past decisions.
“Mummy used to tell me a dream is a wish your heart makes but I don’t wish I
could hurt you.” He cried, tight fists coming up to rub at his eyes.
Eren watched his small shoulders shaking with his sobs, feeling completely at a
loss. Old Levi needed to be alone when he was upset but he was unsure about
young Levi, he’d yet to see him truly sad. He always had a smile on his face,
and Eren adored it.
Almost as if he could hear Eren’s debate, Levi crawled across the floor and up
onto the sofa. Ungracefully dropping down on top of Eren, head buried in his
chest as hot tears seeped through his shirt.
“It’s okay Levi.” He reassured, gently stroking the young boys back.
“I’m sorry.” He wept.
Eren knew Levi had always felt guilty for the way he’d treated a naïve 15 year
old in that court room and by the way Levi was acting now that guilt was still
there. Eating away at him despite it only being a dream, a simple memory that
haunted him.
“I forgive you.” He whispered, wishing it could reach the Levi he used to know.
…
After an hour Levi calmed down, his breathing becoming soft once again. Eren
was almost sure he’d fallen asleep on him if it weren’t for the occasional
fidgeting of his legs.
“Levi?” Eren asked.
“Yeah?” He croaked, his voice still raw from his tears.
“What if it wasn’t a dream?” He finally asked the big question.
“What do you mean?” He questioned, moving his head so he was looking up at Eren
with confused eyes.
“He titans, what if they weren’t dreams?”
“What else could they be?” He scoffed, Eren smiling at the sound coming from
such a young child.
“What is it’s a past life?” He asked, only to receive a blank stare from Levi.
“What if we already lived it Levi, we were those people once but now we’re
these people.”
“No, I would never want to hurt you Eren.” Levi defended, furiously shaking his
head.
“Maybe there was a reason behind it.” He probed but Levi was against it.
“There is no reason for violence.” He recited, almost as if he had perfected
the line but then Eren supposed Levi probably was quite a feisty child.
“I have the same dreams.” Eren said.
“You dream of me hurting you?” He asked, scrunching his nose in confusion.
“No, of everything. The titans, the walls, of us being there together as
friends.” He explained, choosing his words extremely carefully.
“How?” Levi pulled away slightly from the embrace.
“Because I was there.” He told him.
“No.” He shook his head. “Erwin is there too and he doesn’t dream. None of my
friends do.” He continued to fight.
“It was real Levi, it’s not just a dream. Everything you see in your mind I see
it too.” He tried to explain. “I remember everything, more than even you have
seen yet. I remember in the court room, sure you hurt me but you didn’t mean
to. You were doing what was for the best, what you needed to do.”
He looked down at Levi to see his gaze was far away, eyebrows furrowed in his
once permanent scowl, almost as if the explanation had broken him, uncovered
something deep from inside himself.
“Are you scared of me?” He asked, his voice sounding gruff as old Levi broke
through. Young Levi eyes glazed over, his mouth running on its own accord.
“No, I never was.” He whispered, gently brushing back all bangs that had fallen
across his face. “You saved me, without you they would have killed me.”
“I couldn’t let them do that brat.” He smirked.
Almost as soon as it began old Levi was gone, eyes focused again as if the
moment hadn’t just happened.
“Can we watch Adventure Time?” Levi asked, dropping back to his place on Eren’s
chest.
“Yeah sure.” He nodded, slightly confused.
Levi grabbed the remote and changed it from whatever re-run Eren had put on to
the kid’s channels, usually Eren watched whatever show Levi would put on but
today his wind was whirling.
What had just happened? That was definitely the old Levi, the Levi Eren had
known and loved but how? How had he managed to break to the surface, control
that small child’s body? Was it possible that talking about old memories had
found him, that little part of his brain that knew Eren, that knew everything
but was being locked away?
…
Eren watched Levi eat his dinner silently, trying to comprehend what had
happened earlier and, more importantly, how to make it happen again. He knew
there were plenty of memories he could bring up but what possibility did they
have of actually working? Or would he just be scarring a young child with his
sordid tales of the past?
“Halloween’s soon.” Levi spoke up, trying but miserably failing to twirl his
spaghetti like Eren.
“Yeah.” He nodded, only half invested in the conversation.
“Are you going to dress up?” He asked, holding his spaghetti high in the air
and lowering it into his mouth, getting sauce all over his cheeks.
“I’m not sure.” He sighed, getting up from the table to grab some kitchen
cloth.
“Why not?” Levi mumbled as Eren wiped the sauce from his cheeks, old Levi was
definitely long gone.
“I’d have nothing to dress up as.” He explained with a casual shrug. “What
about you?”
“No. Halloween’s stupid.” He pouted as the older boy sat back down at the
table.
“I don’t know, getting free sweets isn’t bad.” Eren joked but it failed to
rouse even the smallest of smiles out of Levi.
“Only if you have a good costume.” He complained.
“Yeah, true.” He agreed. “But what do you want to dress up as?”
“They won’t have it anyway.” He whined, Eren having to fight hard to resist the
urge to roll his eyes. Sometimes he forgot that Levi was just a child, and a
petulant one at that.
“You don’t know that.” He tried. “And if not maybe we could make it ourselves.”
“I doubt it.” He scoffed, pushing his half-finished meal away from him.
“Fine.” He shrugged, refusing to pander to the pouting child anymore. “You can
sulk all you like but I’m going to have some ice cream.”
Knowing Levi would be watching his every move, Eren strolled over to the
freezer and pulled out the Arctic Roll. Slowly he cut himself two large slices,
placing them both in a bowl before returning to the table.
“Eren. I want some too. Please.” Levi whined, a tactic that worked wonders on
his mother but Eren was a little stronger willed than that.
“You didn’t finish your dinner.” He told him, pointing to his plate.
“But I stopped being hungry.” He smiled, looking as if he was seconds away from
making a dive at Eren’s bowl. How easily children could be distracted.
“Then surely you’re too full for dessert.” He said, fake confusion seeping into
his tone.
“I wasn’t hungry but now I am again.” He tried to explain.
“Well, why don’t you finish your dinner?” He smirked, pushing the plate closer
to Levi.
“Because I’m not hungry for that! I’m hungry for ice cream.” He shouted, Eren
could tell he was getting annoyed but he wasn’t about to give into him.
“I’m not sure, it doesn’t sound very believable to me.” He shook his head.
“Uh huh.” Levi nodded enthusiastically. “Everyone knows dinner hunger is
different from dessert hunger!”
He was so adamant of his point that Eren had to stifle a smile but he also knew
he had him exactly where he wanted, Levi had played right into his plan.
“I’ll tell you what.” He said, thoughtfully tapping his chin with the end of
his spoon. “If you tell me what costume you want to wear I’ll share my dessert
with you.”
Levi debated his options silently, far more calculating than any other child
Eren had ever met, but as steel eyes kept darting to look in the bowl the
answer he was going to give was fairly obvious.
“Fine.” He sighed. “I want to dress up in a Survey Corps uniform but Mummy
doesn’t know what it looks like.”
“How about I make it for you?” Eren suggested, his throat turning dry at the
idea of Levi dressed as his old Corporal.
The belts caressing his soft skin, the tight trousers hugging his small,
slender frame, the cravat emphasising his strong jaw, the deep green cloak
contrasting with his pale complexion. Even at such a young age he knew Levi
would look gorgeous in his costume. Powerful.
“Okay, but it has to look good.” Levi warned with a slight frown.
“It will do, I promise.” He reassured but the boy was still watching him
uneasily. “Trust me.”
“I do.” He smiled. “Can I have some ice cream now?”
“Sure you can.” Eren laughed as Levi swiftly grabbed the bowl and spoon from
the elder’s hand.
…
Eren tiptoed into Levi’s room, knowing his Mum would be home soon and he’d have
to leave him for a whole weekend. He felt stupid to admit it but he missed Levi
helplessly, he’d wander around aimlessly without anything to do. He relied too
strongly on Levi for his own happiness, he knew that, but he couldn’t help it.
He also knew that Mikasa knew that and she didn’t approve if the looks she sent
his zombie like state at weekends were anything to go by.
Unthinking he walked over to Levi’s bed, gently crouching down and stroking his
soft hair, the young boy subconsciously leaning into his touch every time.
Eren hated himself, every night he’d watched Levi sleep, watch his chest rise
and wall with gentle breathing, watch his face screw up with a variety of
dreams, watch his soft lips part for his breath. Every night he’d fall more in
love with him.
“Good night Levi.” He whispered, pressing his lips against the others in a
delicate kiss.
And every night he wished Levi would kiss back.
As he turned to leave he felt his stomach lurch, his heart stutter, his body to
spark from one simple noise.
“Hmm, Eren.” Levi moaned, body curling in on itself as a small smile graced his
lip.
Eren’s hand shook, remembering all the nights he heard those moans, deep and
panted right in his ear. Desire shot through his body as he fought the urge to
touch Levi again, anywhere, just to hear those delicious sounds.
But this wasn’t the same as last time, laws changed, what was once acceptable
would never be approved of now. Eren was 18, Levi was 10, whatever romantic
spin you could put on it about past lives, star crossed lovers, it was wrong.
But why did it feel so right to him? Why wasn’t he disgusted when Levi cuddled
him? Why did he instead feel warm and safe? Why wasn’t he repulsed when he
kissed Levi? Why did he feel the spark return to him? Why wasn’t he sickened
when he saw Levi’s naked body night after night fresh and clean from his bath?
Why did he feel arousal shoot through his body until it settled south?
“I’m sorry Corporal.” He said softly shutting the door behind him, even if he
couldn’t find the energy to care he knew Levi would be revolted with who he had
become.
…
Eren patrolled the aisle of the children’s clothes department of the store,
hoping to find something he could fashion into a Survey Corps uniform.
So far he’d managed to find a plain white shirt, white jeans, boots and a
collection of belts – that he’d no doubt have to cut up later. He’d also
managed to pick up a cravat from the men’s section, he highly doubted they’d
have those in kid’s sizes. And he’d found some fabric pens and pieces of felt
for decoration.
As he journeyed he noticed a pair of brown leather trousers in the girls
section, vague shock at finding that type of clothing for children – this
coming from the man who was sexualising a ten year old boy so who was he to
judge. But he did suppose he could cut off the legs and create his main belt
that would hold his 3-D maneuver gear if he had any.
Sewing was one thing but welding was way out of Eren’s comfort zone.
His final item was again supposedly for girls – a cropped, brown, leather
jacket – and he couldn’t stop from feeling immensely satisfied with himself.
How many times had Levi asked his mum to recreate this exact outfit? Years
probably and Eren had managed to do it after less than two months.
God, he was even competing with his own mother for brownie points, when had his
life become this pathetic?
“Find everything okay?” A bored voice broke him out of his thoughts.
“Yeah, I did.” He smiled as he watched the cashier scan his items.
She was quite petite with blonde hair and not a hint of expression on her face.
She looked ridiculously familiar but he couldn’t place her, maybe they went to
school together. They looked to be roughly the same age.
“Halloween?” She asked, eyeing up the leather trousers.
“Yeah.” Eren nodded, handing over his cash.
“Your kid sister will look great.” She said, her fake customer smile bright on
her cheeks.
“He’s a boy.” He told her reaching for his bags.
“Brother then, whatever.” She rolled her eyes before greeting the next
customer.
Eren felt bile rise up in his throat. Kid brother. That’s what people would
believe when they saw the pair together. Brothers, not lovers. Why couldn’t he
just get that through his head?
He dropped his bags into the boot of his car – he’d been saving up for it the
moment he’d got his job and with a regular income he had no issues running this
old rust bucket. Once in the front seat he fished out his phone, knowing he’d
need reinforcements to make this costume and Mikasa would be at work until
late.
“Hello?” Armin’s voice answered.
“Hey, how is your sewing?” Eren asked, cutting straight to the chase.
“Mediocre at best.” He admitted.
“That’ll do.” He decided. “I’m on my way to yours now.”
“Why?” He asked, confused.
“I’ll explain when I get there.” He said.
“Wait, Eren. What is…” Armin didn’t get to finish before his words before he
was hung up on.
Dropping his phone in the glove compartment Eren sped to his best friend’s
house, excited to start creating his masterpiece.
…
Armin watched as Eren struggled to sew a homemade patch onto the arms of the
leather jacket.
“Shit.” He mumbled, sticking his finger in his mouth from where he’d stabbed it
for the umpteenth time.
“Can I ask a question?” Armin turned towards Eren.
“Sure.” He replied.
“What am I making?” He asked, holding up what could only be described as a
bizarre leather bondage outfit made from belts and bottom-less trousers.
“I told you.” Eren groaned, holding up his crude sketch again as if it answered
all questions. “We’re making a Halloween costume for Levi.”
“That involves belts and thigh highs?” He questioned, kicking the discarded
boots on his floor.
“You’re making it sound perverted.” He pouted.
“Well you said it.” He quipped.
“Look, Levi asked for the costume I’m just making it for him.” He huffed,
turning back to his sewing.
“Shouldn’t this be his mother’s responsibility?” He asked.
“No, she doesn’t remember.” Eren snapped.
At his comment everything fell into place for Armin, it was back to the titans
again. It was back to Eren’s sick obsession with a fantasy world that was now
affecting the life of a poor innocent child.
“We need to talk.” Armin said, walking over to Eren and pulling the jacket from
his hands.
“What about now?” He asked, making a grab for the clothes until he saw the look
on Armin’s face, he could tell it was serious.
“You are getting too attached to Levi.” He told him, leaning against the desk
Eren was sat at.
“No I’m not, he’s just…” He started but Armin cut him off with a held up hand.
“Stop arguing and listen to me.” He said sternly, Eren snapping his mouth shut.
“Look, I don’t know if your dreams are real or not, I don’t think I will ever
know but I want to trust you. God, I want to believe but when you’re getting a
child mixed up in it as well it’s making me uneasy.”
“He remembers Armin.” He protested but it was ignored.
“And I know you think you love him but you can’t. And don’t give me your
bullshit that love is love and there’s no age limit to love because yes that’s
true but there is a legal limit to love and currently you’re in danger of
breaching that.” He said.
“You can’t fight love! You don’t understand!” He shouted.
“I know I don’t but I’m trying to, honestly I am. If by some strange twist of
fate Levi is from your past, that once upon a time you were lovers, youhave to
understand that it’s not the case anymore. You’re not that person anymore and
neither is Levi. You cannot force something like love, maybe this time around
it’s not meant to be.” He tried to say calmly, not wanting to rile Eren up
anymore.
“You don’t think I get that?” He cried, letting his head drop forward into his
hands. “God I love him so much that it hurts and it pisses me off that I can’t
do anything about it. That I may never be able to do anything about it. What if
he remembers everything and he’s disgusted? What if he hates me? What if he
blames me for his death? I have absolutely no idea what he’s going to think and
I’m terrified.”
“Eren, it will be okay.” Armin said, gently stroking Eren’s back. “What will be
will be.”
“What if he wants nothing more to do with me?” He whispered, looking up at
Armin with wet eyes.
“Then you have to love him enough to let him go.” He told him with a soft
smile.
Pushing himself off the desk, Armin walked back to his bed to carry on making
his belt creation. The pair didn’t speak again, instead they worked in silence
as the thoughts spun around in Eren’s head.
He’d already lost Levi once he couldn’t bear to go through that again.
Chapter End Notes
     I’m so sorry that took so long to come! I’ve just been really busy
     lately, so sorry! Hope you’re still interested in it and I haven’t
     lost you all thanks to my slow uploading.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
…
Eren couldn’t control the grin spreading across his cheeks as he drove down the
street, he didn’t doubt that if anyone were to look into his car he would look
like a raving lunatic but at this point he literally couldn’t care less.
He was on his way to Levi’s – which in itself was a reason for his unstoppable
happiness – but the real reason was lying casually across his backseat.
For along his backseat was themost perfect, amazing costume ever made if he did
say so himself. After a few too many late nights with Armin, sewing, cutting,
styling until they thought their fingers were going to fall off they had
finally achieved the impossible.
Eren couldn’t wait to see the look on Levi’s face.
He pulled up on the drive and with an embarrassing spring in his step he
grabbed the costume before walking up to the front door.
He opened up using his spare key only to be greeted by a frazzled Raquel,
running her fingers through her usually immaculate hair.
“Everything alright?” He asked, pulling the door shut behind him.
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s Levi.”
“What’s wrong? Is he sick?” He panicked, he didn’t want to have gone through
all this trouble only for the outfit to go to waste.
“Oh nothing like that.” Raquel explained with a soft smile. “He’s sulking and
barricaded himself in his room, god knows what with.”
“Why?” Eren frowned.
“Halloween.” She offered and Eren understood straight away. “I always try to
get him off the idea of going in some made up costume, I even got him a
Spiderman costume but he was having known of it. Little brat.”
There was no real malice in her tone, only a mother who was reaching the end of
her tether.
“I have a costume for him.” Eren announced in a small voice.
“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry you wasted your money.” She smiled sadly at him. “He
will be in there all night.”
“Actually, he designed it.” He admitted, nervously rubbing the back of his
neck.
“Did you make a survey cops outfit?” She asked.
“Corps.” He corrected without a second thought.
“Same difference.” She said with a dismissive wave of the hand.
“Well, yeah I did.” He told her holding up the costume he’d had resting over
his arms.
“Eren.” She gasped. “You little star!”
“It was nothing.” He blushed slightly as Raquel examined the outfit.
“Well if you can somehow coerce him into coming out his room he will be
thrilled.” She grinned.
“I’ll give it a go.” Eren returned the smile before bounding up the stairs to
Levi’s room.
Out of instinct he tried opening the door only to find it opened an inch and
then stick, Raquel hadn’t been lying when she said Levi had blocked himself in.
“Go away!” Levi shouted, his sulk oozing into his tone.
“It’s Eren.” He offered as if that would somehow magically make Levi throw open
the door.
“Don’t care.” He retorted, Eren really should have expected that.
“Come on, I have something to show you.” He offered.
“There is nothing I want to see.” He childishly replied.
“You can’t stay in there all night.” Eren said, trying a different tactic.
“I can and I will!” He cried, throwing something at the door if the soft thud
was anything to go by.
“I’ve got a costume for you.” He tried to make his voice sound tempting but he
was afraid it came out sounding more like the child catcher.
“If it’s that stupid Spiderman costume then you can shove it!” Levi shouted,
Eren’s eyes widening slightly at his choice of language.
“No it’s not. It’s better than that.” He promised.
He heard a great sigh from inside the room before there was shuffling, creaking
and scrapping. Clearly from where Levi was moving the barrier from inside his
room.
“It better be.” Eren heard him mumble from the other side of the room.
Once the movement had stopped the door remained shut, obviously from where the
boy was stubbornly waiting for Eren to come in.
The older boy smugly waltzed into the room, smirking as he pulled the outfit
from behind his back. Watching in joy as Levi’s small mouth parted and his eyes
widened.
“It’s perfect!” He gasped, rushing forward to snatch the outfit from the other
boy’s hands.
“I thought you might like it.” He said, proudly placing his hands on his hips.
“I love it Eren.” He nodded, smiling up at the boy.
“Well hurry up and get changed so we can go Trick or Treating.” He told him.
“Okay!” Levi agreed enthusiastically, pulling his shirt off before Eren had
even had a chance to leave the room.
He quickly turned on his heel, it was one thing to see Levi undress when they
were alone but somehow with his mother in the house it felt wrong. Felt like
what he was doing was sinister in a way. But as his hand reached out for the
door handle a small voice spoke up, causing him to freeze in his tracks.
“I never told you what the outfit looked like.” Levi said, hair ruffled from
where it had been forced up by his collar.
“I know.” Eren agreed, turning back around to see the confused boy.
“Then how did you know?” He asked, taking a step back in shock. “How did you
get it so perfect?”
“I already told you.” He whispered, waiting for Levi to make the connections,
waiting for everything to click into place, waiting for Levi to remember
exactly who he was, who they were.
“You really do have the dreams too, don’t you?” Levi croaked.
“I do.” He nodded.
Without warning Levi dropped the costume and threw himself forward, running
towards Eren still at the door. He clenched his eyes shut ready for the attack,
ready for the anger but it never came. Instead he felt soft arms wrap around
his waist, a head bury into his chest.
“I’m glad we found each other again.” A voice whispered, but it wasn’t this
Levi, it was deep and gruff. It was old Levi.
“Levi.” Eren gasped, trying to release himself from the hug but struggled
against the young boys surprising grip.
He needed to see his Levi again, he needed to confirm it wasn’t his imagination
and the man he once knew was coming back. Was back for him.
“Never leave me again.” Levi begged, sounding desperate. A far cry from
anything he had ever heard before.
“Levi!” Eren cried, finally breaking away but it was too late. Levi was gone.
The small boy looked around the room in confusion, almost as if he didn’t
remember moving across the room, grabbing onto Eren as if he were his only
lifeline.
“You should get dressed.” Eren said softly, ruffling the boy’s hair.
“Okay.” He grinned, rushing over to his costume.
…
“How is he?” Raquel asked as Eren made his way downstairs.
“Getting ready.” He smiled.
“God, you’re amazing with him.” She gushed, grabbing her bag off the floor.
“Now, don’t hate me but I agreed with the other mum’s that you’d take Levi and
his friends out tonight.”
“Erwin?” Eren asked, trying to hide the disgust from his face.
“And a few others.” She bit her lip. “Is that alright?”
“Sure, it’s fine.” He agreed, as much as he hated Erwin – irrationally so
considering he was now a ten year old boy – he loved seeing a happy Levi more.
“Thanks.” She sighed in relief. “What would I do without you?”
Without waiting for a response she shouted a goodbye up the stairs at Levi
before slipping out the house, Eren assumed she was running late after all the
drama. She usually gave her little prince a kiss and a cuddle before she left,
always making Eren smile as Levi lapped up the affection.
Suddenly, he heard heavy boots clunking down the stairs. Turning on his heel he
felt the breath knocked out of him when Levi appeared, it was amazing how a
simple change of clothes made him so different. He was utterly speechless.
Here was the Levi he loved, sure he was younger but he still had the aura, the
power that he’d always possessed. That essence that made others quick in fear
and Eren was no exception, his knees were currently trembling as Levi sauntered
over to him.
He felt like he’d taken a leap back in time, Levi striding into the room to
address all the troops with disinterest, but there was always that subtle glint
in his eye. Nobody else would notice it but Eren would every time. When Levi
held his head up high, eyebrow raised slightly in challenge he knew the deeper
meaning. It was a promise.
A promise that he’d be in for a treat later, a promise that he’d be screaming
in pleasure shortly, a promise there would be no sleep tonight, a promise there
was going to be some soul shaking love.
It would be breakfast when he’d get the look at Eren would be half hard and
horny for the whole day but it was always worth it. Levi always kept his
promises and more.
He let his eyes trail the costume, lips turning dry as he took in the exact
same clothes they’d both once wore.
The same clothes that Eren would strip Levi of night after night, the same
belts that would clatter to the ground in Eren’s haste to get his corporal
undressed, the same trousers that Levi would subtlety palm him through under
the dinner table, the same jacket that had once been used as makeshift confines
when he’d tied Levi to the bed, the same cravat that he’d kept under his pillow
night after night once his love had died.
“Don’t I look amazing Eren?” Levi asked, excitedly shaking and pulling Eren
from his thoughts.
“Like a true Corporal.” He mumbled weakly.
The sound of the door knocking had Eren jumping slightly but Levi just smiled,
rushing over to his front door.
“That will be Erwin!” He exclaimed, exited to show off his costume.
When he opened the door he was met with a blonde boy dressed as Thor, much
larger than himself again, but this time it wasn’t Erwin. Eren had to suppress
a smile as the mini Thor strode into the house and over to him, sniffing the
air around him.
Even without the beard, Eren had recognised him straight away but nonetheless
that action would have given him away.
“Mike!” Levi scolded as the boy continued to hover around Eren.
“I’m sorry!” A woman at the door apologised, obviously young Mike’s mum. “He
has a habit of smelling people he’s just met.”
She rushed over to her son and pulled him back slightly, embarrassment evident
on her face at his seemingly strange behaviour.
“It’s fine, honestly.” He laughed, ruffling the young boy’s hair. Unsure if it
was a wig or if he just had long hair, judging by the softness of the feel it
was natural.
“LEVI!” A girl cried, running through the still open door and jumping onto the
young boy.
With a surprised squeal from Levi the pair tumbled to the ground, the girl
wrapping every possible limb she had around him.
Mike rolled his eyes and quickly detached himself from his mum and walked over
to the pair, pulling the girl off and into a standing position. She appeared to
be wearing an 80s outfit, making her look eerily similar to a miniature Madonna
from that film she was in that decade, Eren couldn’t remember the name of it
but he knew his mother adored it.
He thought it was a strange choice for a girl of ten to pick, the film having
come out at least thirty years prior, but when he met her eye he realised he
should have expected something quirky from the girl.
“Who’s this?” She asked bluntly as Levi stood up next to her.
“Eren.” Levi answered for him.
“Oh.” She nodded.
She walked over to him, silently assessing him as she went. For a moment Eren
felt his blood turn cold, he knew that look and it never ended well for him. It
usually resulted in some torturous tests that he’d just have to grin and bear.
He stared helplessly as Mike’s mum made her exit, suddenly afraid to be left
alone with the children.
“Hanji.” She announced, Eren nodding slightly.
“Hello.” He offered lamely.
“You’re not wearing a costume.” She frowned.
“I don’t have one.” He explained, unconsciously taking a step back.
“You could always go as Spiderman.” Levi grinned.
“It’s a little too small for me.” Eren disagreed.
“You have to go as something.” Mike calmly stated.
“I’m going as an adult.” He defended.
“That’s stupid!” Hanji protested.
“You keep complaining and I won’t take you at all.” He said sternly, walking
over to the door that had just been knocked on.
“Hello Eren!” Erwin greeted warmly, smiling up at the tall boy.
Eren smiled back in shock, never before had he seen such a genuine smile coming
from the man before. It was always fake, always smug and here the boy truly
liked him and he was letting his past make him bitter. Taking it out on a small
boy who had, technically, done nothing wrong.
“Hey Erwin.” He said, letting the pirate slip inside.
“Levi!” Erwin gasped the moment he noticed his best friend, rushing to his best
friend. “You look amazing!”
“Thanks.” Levi blushed, shyly toeing the carpet.
“It looks just like you always described it.” He whispered, as it were a secret
between the two of them alone.
And just like that all his hatred for the boy returned.
“Shouldn’t we be heading out?” Eren growled, unsure if any more blasts from his
past were going to come through that door.
“Great idea Eren!” Hanji exclaimed, obviously forgetting her early annoyance.
“The sooner we leave the more sweets we will get.”
With a bright smile, Hanji lead all the boys out the house and dictating their
journey in order to get the most amount of prizes.
…
Eren wanted to laugh at the irony of his evening, the four people who had once
looked after him, once protected, once nurtured him into being the best fighter
he could be were now under his care. Blissfully running up to houses, their
sugar filled tummies causing them to excitedly scream every time.
“Trick or treat!” They cried in unison, smiles bright.
“Well look at you!” The woman gushed, grabbing a bowl of candy. “Don’t you all
look amazing?”
“I’m Madonna!” Hanji exclaimed, as if her costume needed any explaining.
“I can see that.” She smiled. “And Thor. And a pirate. And… sorry sweetie I
don’t know who you are.”
Levi shrugged casually at the comment before speaking up.
“I’m Corporal Levi.” He said, proud smile on his lips as he glanced back at
Eren.
“Of course.” She agreed, assuming he was some children’s character she was too
old to know. “Help yourselves.”
The four children dived on the bowl, sieving through the contents to find that
one piece that they needed. Extra eager considering the last house had given
them boxes of raisins that all ended up in Eren’s pockets.
“Yes! Snickers!” Hanji sang.
He smiled fondly at the motley crew, Hanji dancing over her chocolate, Mike
sniffing the bars before deciding they weren’t what he was looking for and
putting them back, the usually composed Levi fighting for what he wanted and
even Erwin looked adorable while he took the easiest bar to grab and muttered a
thanks on behalf of everyone.
Eren offered the woman one last smile before following after the kids,
excitedly running to get to the next house.
“Right!” Eren called out, effectively freezing four pair of pattering feet.
“Your mum’s want you home by eight so we need to head back now.”
“What?” Hanji moaned. “One last house, please!”
“Nope.” He said firmly. “Home, now.”
“Ugh, fine.” She groaned.
She grabbed Mike by his arm and dragged him ahead of the rest, no doubt to
angrily mutter her distaste to him but Eren wasn’t overly bothered. He only
needed one person’s love and he didn’t doubt that he already had it.
Levi and Erwin followed after the pair slowly, looking in each other’s bags and
trading treats as they went.
What was with these two and their need to share? Eren though with a roll of his
eyes.
But he tried not to let it bother him, one day Levi would be all his and he
wouldn’t need to share him ever again.
…
Eren flopped down on the sofa, eternally grateful that three of his bundles of
joys had been picked up by their parents and taken home. He thought looking
after Levi on his own had been tiring but four of them was just killer.
He supposed it was karma for all the effort he had caused the four of them in
his last life. All the people who wanted him dead, all the times he
transformed, the cities he destroyed while transformed, all the secrets his
father kept.
All coming back to bit him in the ass in the form of four adorable yet tiring
children.
He listened to the familiar creaking of pipes as Levi showered, he would be a
nightmare to get to sleep with all that sugar. But he supposed it would mean
longer time spent in each other’s arms while Levi told him stories.
With a heavy sigh, Eren let his eye flicker shut, just resting them before Levi
came bounding down the stairs with wide dilated pupils from all the e-numbers
raging through his veins.
…
Of all the things Eren expected to wake up to the feel of Levi gently kissing
him was probably on the bottom of the list.
Sighing happily Eren leant into the kiss, letting his hands sneak up into soft
black locks only for his eyes to shoot open when he felt a wetness.
“Levi!” Eren gasped as all of his sleep induced confusion evaporated.
“You were asleep.” Levi grinned, leaning back to kiss Eren only for the older
boy to shoot back until his head was pressed firmly into the cushion of the
sofa.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“Kissing you.” He explained, frowning in confusion.
“Why?” He questioned, a small part of him wanting to leave but a bigger part
wanted to just lose himself in those lips.
“You do it to me.” He shrugged. “You come into my room when I sleep and kiss me
so I did the same to you. Then I wake up and you give me another kiss, which is
what I tried to do but you wouldn’t let me.
Levi pouted at the end of his sentence, clearly put out that he hadn’t been
able to give his second kiss. But Eren’s mind was too busy reeling. This whole
time Levi had known about the kisses and accepted them as if they were just a
normal act between two friends. What if he’d told his mother? She probably
wouldn’t see the whole thing quite as innocently as the young boy did, she
could forbid Eren from seeing Levi, take away the one thing that made his life
worthwhile again.
He couldn’t let that happen to him. He’d lost Levi once, he’d felt that pain
night after night as he lay alone in cold, empty bed. He couldn’t live without
him again.
He never knew something so small could be the wakeup call he needed. If he
wanted to keep Levi he’d have to stop. Armin had been right, legally he was
wrong, he was perverted. He may love Levi with his entire heart but the rest of
the world wouldn’t see it that way.
They’d see a poor innocent child abused by his supposed carer. They’d force
them apart, they wouldn’t understand their relationship.
“I think it’s time for bed.” Eren swallowed, his throat exceptionally dry all
of a sudden.
“Alright.” Levi sighed, walking out the room and up to his bedroom.
For the first time since he came Eren didn’t get into Levi’s bed with him, he
didn’t hold him close as he filled the silence with his stories and he didn’t
kiss him goodnight.
…
Chapter End Notes
     Okay, so people are asking how this relationship with Levi and Eren
     will be progressing, how much will happen while Levi is still a
     child. So I'm offering a warning now a lot will happen while he is
     young, it can be seen as child molestation/rape but yes there will be
     under-age sex
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eren felt his eyes glaze over as he stared at the TV screen, some mindless
kid’s film flashing brightly at Levi’s insistence. So far he hadn’t really been
able to follow the plot, too bored to even try. The fact that there was a bear
wearing boots and a small jacket was all he had managed to pick up, what kind
of drugs were some people on to come up with this shit?
It seemed his disinterest was shared as Levi eyes were drooping as he struggled
to stay awake, his head jolting every time it dropped forward onto his chest.
Tiredly he curled his legs up onto the sofa, leaning his body until it fell
ungracefully on Eren’s.
Eren felt his heart freeze from the contact, since he’d discovered Levi knew
about their kisses he’d been purposefully distant from the small boy. Keeping
their contact to a minimum, only initiated by him when it was absolutely
necessary.
He awkwardly shifted his arm, hoping the jostling would cause Levi to move but
instead he just settled in further, wrapping his small arms around his waist
with a contented sigh. Eren let his hand drop, hesitantly resting it against
Levi’s hip.
He tried desperately to control his breathing but it seemed after weeks of
denying himself simple pleasures his body was reacting in overdrive. His blood
surged as the familiar warmth of Levi seeped into his skin, the same scent he’d
had in this life and the last filling his senses.
Absentmindedly he traced small patterns against Levi’s skin, his fingers
burning from the simple touch. The smaller boy hummed in pleasure at the
treatment, burying his head further into Eren’s chest.
Eren forced himself to draw back, remembering that Levi was simply a child. His
actions had different connotations than his own. He was simply tired, looking
for comfort from another and nothing more.
He didn’t long for Eren’s touch, he didn’t crave closeness, he didn’t wish they
found each other later so that what happened between them didn’t seem so wrong.
That was all Eren.
“Eren?” Levi asked, shifting his head to look up at Eren through thick
eyelashes.
“Yes?” He replied, looking down at his sleepy eyes he half expected the boy to
ask to be carried to bed, Levi could be quite lazy when he was tired.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He yawned, rolling over slightly so his stomach was
against Eren instead of his hip.
“Course you can.” He nodded eagerly, hoping that Levi would tell him more
stories from the past, that he remembered who they were, that old Levi was
still there inside him just hidden away.
“I love you.” He smiled serenely, as if a weight had been lifted off his
shoulders by the confession.
“Really?” Eren stuttered, after trying for years before to get Levi to say
those three simple words here they finally were. Effortlessly said by a small
child.
“Yep, but you can’t tell anyone.” He giggled, pressing a finger to Eren’s lip
in an attempt at silencing him.
“I love you too.” He whispered against his soft finger.
“Good.” Levi smiled, dropping his chin down so that it rested against Eren’s
pec.
The gesture reminded Eren of years gone by, Levi resting against him as he
tried to focus – always finding the most inappropriate times to distract Eren.
He’d be attempting to work as Levi would drop to his side, face on his chest
and eyes sparkling with fake innocence.
Eventually Levi would grow tired of being ignored and his tongue would dart
out, lapping at Eren’s sensitive nipple through his thin cotton shirt. He
wouldn’t stop until he was hard against the wet material, moaning and begging
for more. Eren would always try and hold out, try to finish whatever work he
currently had but Levi would always succeed, always get his way.
“But it’s got to stay a secret.” Levi insisted, pulling Eren out of his
memories.
“Why?” He asked, he knew before Levi had been reluctant to share their
relationship but why would he feel this way now?
“Because a secret love is far more special.” Levi started, the exact same
speech he’d given him before.
“We don’t need to share it with anyone else, only us.” He finished.
“Exactly.” He nodded with a giggle.
“But our love is special enough, without being a secret.” Eren heard the same
pitiful protest from before escape his lips.
“Don’t be upset Eren!” Levi gasped, pushing himself up onto his knees.
“I’m fine.” He shook his head, berating himself for being so pathetic. He was
acting like a child, stubborn and sulking. He should just be happy that Levi
loved him at all, one day it would be something more he was sure – there bond
was too powerful to break – but for now he should be happy with what he had.
“We will have a sign!” He exclaimed, excitedly bouncing on the sofa.
“A sign?” He asked, raising his eyebrow.
“Yep, we’ll tap our noses.” He explained with a demonstration. “Then you’ll
know I’m telling you that I love you.”
“Alright.” Eren smiled, tapping his own nose in return.
With a satisfied sigh Levi settled back into Eren’s side, ready to watch the
rest of the film that was nearing its ending. For the next twenty minute they
sat in silence, Eren leisurely drawing shapes on Levi’s hip, his shirt having
ridden up again with all the movement.
Eren relished in the feel, soft as silk against his fingertips. Goosebumps
beginning to develop as Levi’s body reacted to the touch. Warmth from where his
blood spread through his body, pumping through his veins once again. After so
long here was his living, breathing love once again.
“Eren?” Levi spoke up as the credits began rolling.
“Yeah?” He asked, looking down to see silver eyes sparkling and staring into
his own.
“Can I kiss you?” It was such an innocent question but it still had Eren
blushing.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” He protested.
“But we used to, then we stopped.” He pouted, evidently Levi quite missed his
goodnight kiss. “We love each other that means we’re allowed to again.”
“Yes people in love do kiss but I’m an adult Levi.” He tried to explain.
“So is mummy and we kiss.” He shook his head.
Eren sighed in exasperation, how was he meant to explain to a child that they
couldn’t kiss, that Eren risked going to jail if they did. Without tainting his
innocence how could he fully explain the cruel and disgusting truth that was
the real world.
“Please Eren.” He begged, eyes wide and pleading.
No. That was the right answer, it was on the tip of his tongue but as those
eyes grew and Levi moved closer he found that answer was never able to leave
his lips.
“Okay.” He agreed.
With a pleased smile Levi moved his face closer to Eren’s, freezing for a
moment as they stared at each other. This close it didn’t seem so wrong, all
Eren could see was his eyes, all he could smell was his scent, all he could
feel was the pressure of another body. This close they weren’t a child and a
teenager. This close they were simply Eren and Levi.
Levi let his eyes flicker shut and pressed their lips together.
Eren didn’t know what he was expecting in truth but it was a chaste kiss that
lasted a mere two seconds before Levi pulled away, a happy grin on his face.
“Thank you Eren.” He said before pushing himself off the sofa to play with some
of the discarded toys on the floor.
Eren tried to steady his breathing, his fingers tightly gripping the material
of his trousers. He needed more, he craved more. It had been a mistake to let
Levi kiss him, the familiar fire was burning inside him once again, longing for
the love of his corporal. His lips tingled, sparking from the feel of being
with Levi, feeling him pressed against him after so long.
“Are you okay?” Levi asked, tilting his head to one side.
“I’m fine.” He hissed through gritted teeth.
“Are you sure?” He continued to probe, standing tall and making his way back
towards the older boy.
“Yeah, carry on playing.” Eren instructed.
Don’t come near me. I can’t control myself around you. I don’t want to touch
you.His mind screamed but once Levi slipped between his legs to get a closer
look all protests died.
“You don’t look good.” Levi frowned, innocently placing a hand on each of
Eren’s thighs.
“Thanks.” He chuckled, letting his own hands wind around the younger boy and
hold him close.
Stop! Don’t do this!The voice in his mind screamed, now realising it was Armin
but it was too late, he was in too deep.
“I’m going to kiss you again.” Eren said, it wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a
request it was a demand.
“Okay.” Levi was barely able to reply before his lips were captured.
Not quite as innocent as before, Eren sucked softly on Levi’s lower lip,
tasting him and feeling warmth at the memory, everything was just as he
remembered. Except Levi, he was different now.
Usually when Eren kissed him Levi would push him down, run his tongue along his
lip for more but now Levi tried to pull away, trying to end the kiss while
Eren’s hold remained firm. Soaking up all these feelings again.
Eventually he pulled away, peppering Levi’s soft skin with quick kisses,
muttering I love you’s so quiet he was unsure if the other boy heard him.
“What are you doing?” Levi asked, gasping as Eren moved to his neck.
“Giving you special kisses.” He whispered, grinning when he released the area
where shoulder met neck was still especially sensitive.
“Okay.” He accepted this explanation and let Eren work.
He longed to stain his skin, leave possessive marks on his pale neck but knew
he couldn’t, he couldn’t taint Levi like that.
“I like it more when you kiss my lips.” Levi panted.
Eren pulled away from his neck and looked at the boy, his pupils were blown
wide, arousal and excitement evident within his eyes, and a hint of confusion.
Levi didn’t know what he was doing, what he was feeling, he didn’t know the
extent of what was happening but he knew he liked it, he knew he wanted more.
Levi eagerly closed his eyes and puffed out his lips, Eren hungrily closing the
gap between them again. Their lips moulded together, applying pressure in their
need to be closer, to feel more.
Without thinking, Eren gathered Levi up in his arms, moving him until he was
pinned under him on the sofa. Unable to keep his hands in their original
position, Levi wrapped his arms around Eren’s neck, playing with the hairs at
the base of his neck as they shared kisses.
It was a position they’d found themselves in many times before, Eren pressing
down on Levi, holding him in place as the passion and lust between them grew –
and right now was no exception.
Eren knew he should stop, pull away and apologise, tell Levi they could never
do anything like this again but instead he slipped his tongue past his lips to
probe at Levi’s.
As an automatic response, Levi relented, gently parting his lips for Eren, his
tongue lying limp in his mouth. He whimpered in confusion as Eren pushed his
way inside, but it only fuelled the boy on further. He missed all those little
sounds Levi made, he needed to hear them again.
He stroked at Levi’s tongue, encouraging and pushing him into life until they
were both involved, kisses deepening as their tongues danced. The slick, wet
muscle caressing his own set his nerves on fire, his heart lost control. He
could feel Levi growing hot under him, his moans becoming more frequent as
these strange yet exciting feelings overtook his body.
They pulled apart to breath, both flushed as they took ragged breaths. Levi
looked up at Eren with wide eyes, innocently sparkling despite his red cheeks
and messed up hair. Eren removed his hand from where it tightly gripped Levi’s
thigh and tapped his nose. Slightly dazed, Levi returned the sentiment, mind
still trying to understand what had happened.
“I… I like Eren’s special kisses.” Levi stuttered, looking down slightly in
embarrassment.
Eren reached down and took hold of the younger boys chin, moving his face so
that they were eye to eye again. Instead of responding Eren kissed him again,
softly pressing their lips together in a loving gesture. It was Levi this time
who deepened the kiss, nervously slipping his tongue out and forcing it inside
Eren’s mouth, no courtesy questioning. Not that Eren was complaining, he
happily accepted him but suddenly it wasn’t enough. He needed more.
He grabbed Levi’s leg and pulled him closer, pressing their bodies together in
fiery passion, their kisses getting sloppier in a desperate need to be closer,
to feel more. Their kisses rang out loudly, long forgotten were Levi’s toys and
the show on the TV. All that mattered were each other.
…
You’re disgusting.The voice had returned as they ate dinner. He’s a child, what
the hell were you thinking? You’re a despicable human being. You should be
ashamed.
At ten years old, Eren hadn’t even known what making out with someone was let
alone been actively doing it. What sort of child kissed like that? Granted,
he’d started out roughly but Levi quickly got the hang of it.
Great, compliment his finesse.The voice sneered. Because that’s normal. You’re
sick.
He winced slightly as the insults swirled around in his mind, the truth and
consequences of his actions making him feel sick to the stomach. He glanced
towards Levi to see how he was coping but he seemed fine.
Happily pulling the pasta sheets out his lasagne to he could eat them
separately to his meat, he really did have strange eating habits. Eren didn’t
notice that in the past but he assumed they didn’t have much a choice, you ate
what you were given and quickly or Sasha would surely find you.
“Levi?” Eren asked, voice croaking with guilt.
“Yes Eren?” He smiled, bringing his cup up to his lips – he still awkwardly
held it by the rim of his glass.
“You were right earlier.” He ventured, trying to find some way he could make
this right, rescue the situation.
“About?” He tilted his head in confusion.
“About the secrets.” He smiled as Levi eagerly leant towards Eren. “We
shouldn’t tell anyone.”
“No.” He agreed, shaking his head.
“Which means the special kisses have to be secret too.” He instructed, hoping
the boy wouldn’t question it further. Levi wasn’t stupid, if he put Eren on the
spot he’d soon put two and two together and realise something was wrong.
“That makes sense.” He nodded thoughtfully. “We can still have special kisses
though, right?”
No. It was the answer Eren needed to give but after today he knew he had broken
the seal. He’d tried so hard to resist Levi but now that they had crossed that
boundary he realised there was no coming back. Now he’d had a taste he was
completely addicted and never wanted to be clean again.
“Of course we can.” He nodded.
…
Eren fell back onto his bed with a sigh, his body still shaking from his
evening spent with Levi. Almost as soon as he’d left he’d felt nothing but
guilt, sitting heavy in his stomach. Clawing at his skin and making him feel
sick.
God, what he wouldn’t give to have the ability to turn back time. To stop
himself from pushing Levi too far, from taking advantage of a small child. He
hadn’t been thinking straight, his whole mind consumed by how much he missed
Levi. But how could he miss someone when they were right there?
He supposed he didn’t just miss Levi as a person, he missed the idea of Levi as
well. He missed all the intimate moments they shared in his memories. He missed
Levi’s hot touch running along his skin, he missed his searing kiss burning
into his soul, he missed the pleasure of being with his corporal.
As his mind was filled with sweet yet sultry memories he felt the familiar heat
deep in his gut until he felt himself straining against the tight material of
his jeans. He closed his eyes with a groan, letting himself imagine he was
within the walls once again.
“Eren.” Levi whispered in his ear, breath hot against his skin. “Missing me?”
“Yes.” He moaned as Levi’s hand palmed him through his trousers – his own hand
offering similar treatment.
“Look at you, you’re like a dog in heat.” He teased. “Rubbing yourself against
me like that.”
“I need you.” He begged, feeling relief as his zipper was finally lowered.
“That can be arranged.” He agreed, letting his tongue trace the shell of his
ears.
Levi pushed his trousers and boxers to the ground, leaving him cold and
exposed, his cock red and pleading to be touched.
“Lick.” Levi instructed, holding his hand up to his mouth.
Eren eagerly took his fingers into his mouth, loudly sucking and slurping at
the digits in a purposeful show. He knew it was working as he felt Levi dig
into his back, arousal seeping into his veins.
“So desperate.” Levi sneered but never stopped Eren, let him rub his backside
against his erection.
Slowly, Levi pulled his fingers away from Eren, a string of salvia joining him
to the other man’s lips. He let his hand drop down and quickly pushed a finger
into Eren who moaned at the burn – even though in reality he had the modern day
luxury of lube.
“You’re always so willing and ready for me.” Levi complimented, pumping his
finger in and out of Eren’s hole. “Have you been doing this alone?”
“Yes.” He whined. “When I’m in the shower.”
“You’re insatiable.” He whispered, letting another finger slip inside.
Eren pushed back on Levi’s hand, trying to take him deeper, closer. Levi
smirked at the action, shifting his fingers so they reached that desired place.
“Levi!” He screamed, body jolting in pleasure.
“Do you like that?” Levi asked, pounding into Eren’s sweet spot. “Think you
could cum from just that?”
“No.” He cried. “I need more.”
“I guess that could be arranged.”
Levi let his free hand snake around Eren’s body, purposely ignoring his
throbbing cock and instead moving upwards, gently teasing his nipples with
strokes of his fingertips. Eren panted and let his head drop back as Levi
pinched, pulling and abusing the nubs until they were hard under his touch.
With a smirk, Levi lowered his hand, loosely wrapping it around Eren’s hard
dick, his thumb rubbing the slit until a small voice broke the moment, freezing
his entire body cold.
“Eren?”
The aforementioned boy whipped his head around, eyes widening in shock at what
he saw. Stood there was Levi, only it wasn’t the same Levi with his fingers
deep in his ass and hand around his cock. It was young Levi.
He was watching the pair with curious eyes, head tilted to the side as he
looked at their intimacy.
“Levi! Don’t look at me!” Eren yelled, moaning as the man behind him made no
attempts at stopping.
“What is he doing to you?” He asked, taking a step closer. “Is he hurting you?”
“No.” He denied with a gasp as Levi hit his target with his fingers. “Please
Levi, leave.”
Levi’s love for him was pure, he couldn’t see this, he didn’t need to hear as
Eren came undone.
“Hey, kid?” Older Levi spoke up, finally acknowledging the small child watching
them. “Why don’t you come help?”
With a small nod Levi walked forward, staring at the other Levi and waiting for
his next instructions.
“Kneel in front of him.” He commanded, the small boy obeying immediately.
“Levi, what are you doing?” Eren cried, unsure which one he was talking to at
this moment.
“Giving you what you wanted.” The man purred into his ear. “Open your mouth
kid.”
Meekly, the boy let his mouth drop open, staring up at Eren with wide,
expectant eyes. Before he could protest, Eren felt his hips being pushed
forward, his cock being guided into the awaiting heat.
As the dick filled his mouth, the boy looked up at Eren in confusion, shocked
as the shaft sat heavy in his mouth. Eren knew he should pull away, stop it
from getting any further but he found himself in too much pleasure. A Levi
behind him pumping his fingers, scissoring and slipping in another, and a Levi
in front of him, warm, wet and inviting.
Levi took control of the situation, moving Eren’s hips in time to his fingers
so that his cock thrust in and out the boy’s mouth. He choked slightly as the
head hit the back of his throat but made no attempts to pull away instead let
Eren use his body. Eren placed his hands on the wall behind the boy, letting
his eyes scrunch shut as the Levi’s bought him unimaginable amounts of
pleasure.
“What’s turning you on more?” Levi growled in his ear. “The kid’s tight little
mouth or my long fingers?”
“Both.” Eren whimpered, hips no longer pushed by the man but instead bucking on
their own accord.
“You filthy brat.” He teased. “Do you want me so much that you sexualise the
kid? Do you see me in him and become a mess?”
“Yes, I love Levi.” He told them both.
“And we love you too.” The man spoke, the boy’s throat vibrating in time with
his words as if he wished to say so too.
With a scream Eren came, his hole clenching around the man’s fingers stopping
him from escaping, his release trickling down the boy’s throat.
As he opened his eyes after his ecstasy he found himself very much alone,
staring at the ceiling in sweat and shame. The kissing had been one thing but
what he had just imagined, what he had just pleasured himself too, was sick and
wrong. He was wrong. He was disgusting, he was a pervert. He fanaticised about
a small, innocent boy.
Panting, he reached for his phone. Ready to text Raquel, ready to quit his job,
ready to find Levi again when he was older and safer from his advances but he
found his fingers frozen. No matter how much his brain told him this was wrong
in his heart it felt right, it beat for Levi and would do anything to be with
him again.
So, instead of sending the message, he dropped his phone onto his pillow and
went for a shower, he was not ready to give up Levi again.
Chapter End Notes
     Obviously, in no way do I condone or support Eren’s behaviour but for
     the sake of my story I am including it and there will be more
     incidents
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eren groaned into his pillow, it was a Saturday morning and he fully planned on
sleeping for the entire day but his phone had other plans. He glanced at the
clock and groaned, it was only six thirty, who the hell would be calling him?
“Hello?” He yawned, not bothering to check the caller id.
“Eren? It’s Raquel.” The voice answered.
That certainly woke Eren up, he shot up in bed, eyes wide while his heart beat
erratically.
Levi had told her, and why wouldn’t he? Kids told their mothers everything.
That was the only reason she would call him this early on a Saturday, and sound
like she was ready to tear him apart. There was no other reason.
“Listen, I have a small problem.” She sighed, not exactly small but he could
see how it was definitely a problem.
“And that is?” He squeaked, wondering how far he could get in his beat up car
before the police tracked him down.
“This weekend I’ve got to go on a business trip.” She explained and never in
his whole life had Eren been so relieved. “Levi was meant to be staying with
his father but apparently he’s planned a weekend away with his new family so
can’t anymore.”
“Okay.” Eren said, but the heavy breathing never stopped.
“I mean, it’s just ridiculous. This has been planned for months, you’d think
he’d be glad to finally see his son but no. The first excuse he can find he’s
running. I get that he’s got a new wife and kid now but that shouldn’t mean
Levi is any less important. Do you know how long it’s been since Levi has seen
his father?” She paused her rant to question, Eren unsure if she actually
wanted a response.
“I… Well…” He started but it seemed a reply wasn’t necessary.
“Over a year! I mean that’s disgusting. And it’s been months since they’ve
spoken over skype. Levi doesn’t act like it bothers him but that kid keeps
everything to himself so who knows what he’s really thinking. God, the man just
acts like Levi is an inconvenience to him, we may not have worked out but we
created something amazing and he needs to appreciate that more.” She snapped,
Eren growing increasingly confused as to why she called him so early to
complain about her personal life.
“Raquel, if you don’t mind me asking why does this involve me?” He questioned
when there was finally a long enough pause.
“Oh right, I was wondering if you were free this weekend to look after Levi. I
know it’s a lot to ask but it will only be for one night, I’ll be back on
Sunday. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t…”
“I’ll do it!” He eagerly interrupted, rational thought not with him this early
in the morning.
All he could think of was the chance to be alone with Levi, falling asleep with
him at night and waking up with him in the morning. It was going to be heaven.
“Really?” She asked, sounding completely relieved. “I don’t want to impose or
anything.”
“Honestly, it’s no problem at all.” He reassured.
“God Eren, you’re a star.” She gushed. “Thank you.”
“It’s fine.” He mumbled, he was nothing special if she knew the truth, the
entire story, she probably wouldn’t let him near her son.
“Do you think you could get here for about nine?” She asked.
“Sure, not a problem.” He nodded eagerly despite being on the phone.
“Great, thanks again Eren.” She said before hanging up.
He glanced at the clock, not even seven o’clock yet, he could probably go back
to sleep for at least another hour. But he found that his body was far too
awake, buzzing from the potential this weekend offered him. So, instead he
decided to go for a shower and get ready for the day.
And while he the water poured down on him his thoughts began to drift to Levi
and his hand travelled south. And once again he felt utterly disgusted with
himself.
…
Eren rang the doorbell to Levi’s house, his small overnight bag lying next to
him as he nervously rocked on the balls of his feet.
It reminded him of all the times he’d stood outside Levi’s bedroom door in the
past, nervously glancing down the corridors to check nobody had noticed him
sneak away after hours. His heart would always beat erratically until Levi
would finally open the door and he could slip inside to spend the rest of the
night under the other man’s touch.
But why was he feeling the same nerves? The same butterflies of anticipation?
He had made a promise to himself that he would not touch Levi at all anymore,
no kisses, no caresses, no embraces. Strictly a babysitter and child
relationship.
“I’ll get it!” He heard Levi shout from the other side of the door, never
before had he heard the other boy so excited.
But the bright smile quickly dropped when he opened the door to be replaced by
a confused frown.
“You’re not Dad.” Levi pouted.
“Erm, no I’m not.” Eren replied awkwardly, he assumed that Raquel would have
already explained the situation to him.
“Oh, Eren. You’re earlier than I expected.” Raquel said with a soft smile, the
tips of her hair still wet from where she’d obviously just left the shower.
“Ah, sorry.” He apologised, glancing at his watch to see that he was indeed ten
minutes early.
“Is Eren taking me to Dad’s?” Levi asked hopefully, although you could tell by
his eyes he’d already worked everything out.
“No he’s not.” Raquel shook her head, bending down so she was the same height
as her son. “Something had come up and your Dad is very busy so he won’t have
time to come see you this weekend. He says he’s very sorry sweetie and he will
make it up to you soon.”
“He never comes to see me.” Levi sighed.
“He’s just a very busy man and you know he wouldn’t cancel unless it was really
important.” She lied, although she absolutely hated her ex-husband he was still
Levi’s father and he didn’t want to taint that image for him.
“I know.” He nodded, hint of a pout still evident on his lips.
“Besides, Eren is going to stay instead and you love playing with him.” She
smiled, gently ruffling Levi’s black locks.
“Yeah, I do.” He said smiling shyly up at the boy.
“Right, I need to finish getting ready.” She told them both, standing up and
grabbing Eren’s bag as she went. “I’ll drop this in the spare room.”
With a quick smile she returned upstairs leaving the two boys alone, Eren
expected Levi to do something after the kisses they’d shared yesterday. Maybe
try and give him one now but instead he just walked into the living room,
knowing Eren would follow him, without even glancing back.
Obediently, Eren did follow and sat down on the sofa besides Levi, a strangely
large gap left between them as Levi shuffled to the other end of the furniture.
Eren felt his heart stutter, had Levi already grown bored of their intimacy? He
knew children could be fickle but surely he wouldn’t be cast aside like an old
toy after only a day. He knew what they were was wrong but deep down he knew it
felt right, Levi being with him felt right.
But, almost as if the younger boy could read him he slowly reached up and
tapped his nose, giggling slightly as he turned back towards the TV as if the
moment hadn’t happened. Obviously Levi was taking the secret very seriously, it
filled Eren with relief but it also made him feel sinister.
That was always what abused children said wasn’t it? That they were told to
keep it a secret. But Eren wasn’t like that, he loved Levi, he wasn’t just
looking to hurt him. He wanted to cherish him, wanted to celebrate in the
safety and security they couldn’t get the last time around. He just wanted to
be with his soulmate.
“Are you going to sleep in my room Eren?” Levi asked.
“Probably not.” He shook his head.
“Why?” He cried, whipping his head around so fast stray hairs covered his eyes.
“Whenever Erwin sleeps over he stays in my room.”
“That’s different.” He explained.
“But how are we meant to talk and play games and stay up almost all night?” He
protested, Eren fighting a smile, they probably thought they stayed up
extremely late but crashed at eleven.
“We can do all that in here.” He offered with a shrug.
“But you have to get into my bed in the morning and wait for breakfast.” He
frowned. “That’s what Erwin and I always do.”
The more he talked about how perfect Erwin was the more Eren wanted to agree
but he forced himself not to, he’d made a promise to himself. Even if being
around Levi made it harder and harder to keep his word, he was determined.
“We’ll see.” Eren said, official adult talk for no but at Levi’s age he hadn’t
quite learnt that yet.
“Alright, I’m off.” Raquel shouted from the hall way.
Quickly, Levi jumped off the sofa and ran to his mother, who was waiting with
her arms out wide.
“You be a good boy for Eren.” She said, giving him a tight squeeze.
“I will.” He nodded, wriggling free enough to give her a goodbye kiss. Which
Raquel eagerly returned with kisses all over his face, coaxing a soft giggle
out of her son.
“Thank you again Eren.” She smiled, standing up again.
“Really, it’s not a problem.” He reassured once again.
With one final kiss of Levi’s crown she walked to the front door, the young boy
eagerly following her with the intention of waving his mother off.
Before she climbed into the car she blew Levi one last kiss that the boy
playfully rolled his eyes at but Eren knew better. He could see beneath the
look and could tell his heart swelled with love, much like it had done with
himself in the past. He would try and act strong and independent, but deep down
he craved love just like the rest of the world.
As Raquel drove away Levi snuck his hand into Eren’s, weaving his fingers
through the others and tightly holding while resting his head against Eren’s
arm. His mother smiled as she waved, glad that her son had found someone he
cared for. If only she knew how deeply that love ran.
…
Eren watched as Levi built the familiar three cities out of Lego bricks, he
couldn’t help but notice it had been a while since Levi had played these games.
He supposed now they were back together the dreams had subsided, he knew he was
no longer plagued with nightmares of Levi’s death week after week.
But if the dreams stopped he may never remember what happened between them, the
love they grew to share.
Eren shook his head, he couldn’t think like that. Levi would remember, he had
to.
“Eren?” Levi said, glancing over his shoulder at the older boy.
“Yeah?” He replied, expecting Levi to ask him to play with him or at least help
him build.
“There’s a funfair today.” He smiled. “Dad was going to take but he can’t now,
will you take me?”
The hopeful smile Levi held had Eren yearning to say yes, he didn’t want to let
the boy down again. Not after his father had done. He may not be the paternal
figure the small boy needed but he was determined to make him happy, make him
feel loved. Stop him from becoming the closed off, sometimes cold man he had
once been.
“Sure, where is it?” He asked.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged, turning back towards his game.
Eren groaned as he pulled his phone out, of course Levi wouldn’t know where the
fair was taking place. Why should he? He researched any funfairs that were
happening in the area and found one on the field opposite Levi’s estate.
Granted it may not have been the one that Levi’s dad was going to take him to
but it was better than nothing.
“Alright brat, we better get ready.” Eren found himself freezing at the pet
name falling from his lips, the same name Levi had called him numerous times in
the past.
“Okay.” Levi nodded eagerly, abandoning his game and running up the stairs.
He hadn’t even noticed the name, he hadn’t even noticed how the name in itself
was an insult but yet in the context it was laced with affection and love.
Was that how Levi had seen him in the past? As Eren saw him now? As someone
younger who needed protecting? As someone he loved affectionately only for it
to grow and manifest into pure lust?
For a moment Eren finally understood Levi’s reluctance to share their
relationship, people would talk, they would judge. People didn’t trust what
they didn’t understand, they couldn’t explain why love would bloom in such an
unlikely place.
But it had, their love had been like a flower, blossoming in a once derelict
and hopeless surrounding. And while life had moved on, the once dry wasteland
of the Earth had flourished and grown but that small flower remained. It may
have closed up in years gone by but it was opening up again, searching for the
sun of their relationship to grow.
“I’m ready!” Levi called, stood in the doorway with his coat and half tied
shoes – obviously the boy had been in a rush to leave.
“Can’t take you anywhere.” Eren playfully rolled his eyes, walking over to the
boy and kneeling in front of him.
Quickly he tired Levi’s shoes for him as the other boy held onto his shoulders
for balance. Once he’d done he looked up, eye to eye with Levi, so close their
breath was fanning each other’s skin.
It was Levi who moved first, surging forward to join their lips once again in
eager kisses. Eren was forced to place one hand on the floor to stop the pair
from toppling over while his other snaked around Levi’s thin waist. He was
tempted to remind Levi of the fair and that this was just delaying their
arrival but as hands thread through his hair he found himself unable to pull
away.
He could feel the petals of their flower opening, basking in the warmth that
their love was providing, never planning to close up again.
…
Eren and Levi walked towards the fair, hands tightly weaved together. The older
boy had felt self-conscious at first, palms sweating as he felt everyone’s eyes
on the pair of them. But he knew it was stupid, nobody saw it as anything
disturbing. Just an older boy comforting someone younger.
Maybe you wouldn’t feel guilty if it weren’t so wrong.The voice in his head
sneered.
But it wasn’t wrong, he loved Levi and he would wait. Sure they had kissed but
that would be it, everything else would wait until Levi was ready.
“Oh sorry.” A blonde said, backing into Eren.
“It’s fine.” He frowned.
He had seen this girl before, he knew it. Granted, she worked at the local
supermarket on weekends but he felt like he really knew her. As if she was a
part of his life somehow.
She obviously felt self-conscious under Eren’s intense gaze that she felt she
needed to say something, anything to relieve this tension.
“Kid brother?” She asked, nodding towards Levi.
“Nah babysitter.” He shook his head, continuing his assessment of the girl.
“Hello.” She awkwardly said to Levi.
“Hi.” He smiled in return. “Who are you?”
“Annie. You?” She replied, Eren tightening his hold on the other boys hand.
How had he not made the connection sooner, Annie, the female titan was standing
right in front of him. He wasn’t sure why he was so surprised, plenty of faces
from the past had turned up so why shouldn’t she?
He felt himself getting irrationally angry as she talked to Levi, she shouldn’t
be allowed near him. Not after all she had done, all the people she had killed.
“Levi!” A voice shouted, dragging Eren out his thoughts as an excitable child
ran up to his side.
“Erwin.” Levi grinned as the other boy gently took his other hand.
“Let’s go on the rollercoaster.” He said, lightly pulling his friend who was
held back by Eren.
Levi glanced over his shoulder in confusion, wondering why the older boy
refused to let go of his hand. Eren knew it was stupid to hold a grudge from a
previous life but he had done. He still didn’t trust Erwin, even if he was just
a child he would grow up and he would still be too involved with Levi, try to
take what belonged to Eren.
“Levi, I don’t want you going off alone.” Eren shook his head.
“I won’t be alone, I’ll be with Erwin.” He explained, as if that made the
situation acceptable, but Eren supposed in his mind it did.
“I know but…” He started but was soon cut off by Annie.
“Come on Eren.” She sighed, the boy not remembering when he had told her his
name. “Let the kids have a little freedom.”
She gave him a look that he struggled to decipher, a look that said I want you
alone but he couldn’t fathom why. They’d met a few times it was true but he’d
never expressed any interest in the girl so why should she?
“Fine, but don’t go far.” He settled for, knowing he could see the
rollercoaster from here and step in if the situation needed it. He was in
charge of Levi’s care after all.
“Thank you!” Levi cried, running off with Erwin.
Eren smiled slightly as the boy turned around to lightly tap his nose, a
gesture the older boy was quick to return.
“It’s nice to see they’re still friends.” Annie said, breaking the silence.
“What do you mean?” Eren asked but slowly everything clicked into place.
Why she knew his name, why she wanted to be alone with him, the strange respect
she had for Levi despite him being a ten year old. Annie remembered everything.
“You remember?” He practically whispered, receiving a brief nod in response.
“How did you know I did?”
“I saw the way you practically recoiled when you worked out my name.” She
snorted.
“Well can you really blame me?” He snapped.
“It’s a different time, no use holding onto the past when there’s a future to
be had.” Annie smiled wistfully.
“I suppose.” He nodded, the comment hitting a little too close to home.
“I used to think I was the only person who remembered because of what I had
done, I shouldn’t have the right to forget all the people I wronged, the people
I killed.” She admitted. “Why should I lose all that guilt? But you wanted to
help, you tried to so hard to save the world that I don’t know why you would
remember.”
“I made a promise to myself that I would never forget and I would find the ones
I loved again.” He replied vaguely.
The pair stood in silence for a moment, Eren watching Levi as he squealed and
giggled on the rollercoaster while Erwin held their hands high up in the air.
Annie’s attention was on the boy next to him, smile soft and eyes loving.
“You know, we’ve all changed.” She said.
“What do you mean?” Eren asked, turning his attention back towards the girl.
“You, me, Levi, Erwin.” She listed. “We’re not the same people we once were. I
mean look at us, who’d have guessed we’d talk again without trying to kill each
other.”
“I suppose so.” He laughed slightly.
“Don’t try and force what used to be there.” Annie said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stammered with a blush.
“Sure.” She rolled her eyes. “Look, I know you used to have a thing for Levi
while we were training, and it may have developed into more after that but he’s
not the same person. All he shares with the Levi you loved is a name, don’t
push him.”
“You don’t know that.” He protested.
“I do, trust me. The world we lived in made us different, you didn’t love Levi
because of the titans but that shaped who he grew up to be. Made him the man
you cared for, he won’t be that man ever again. Circumstances makes a human who
they are and our circumstances are vastly different now.” She said, never once
commenting on the age barrier.
“God, that speech is making you sound like Armin.” He groaned.
“Armin?” She asked with a soft smile. “How is he?”
“He’s fine, doesn’t remember though.” He explained.
“Good, he shouldn’t have to.” Annie nodded.
“And I should?” He asked.
“You made a promise remember?” She replied.
They fell into silence once again until a pair of boys, one blonde and one
brunette, ran up to them, older than Levi but younger than himself and Annie.
Eren tilted his head, they looked so familiar but he couldn’t place them, they
were too young.
“Annie! I’m out of money, give me more for food.” The blonde boy whined.
“Reiner!” The brunette scolded, immediately jogging Eren’s memory. “You can’t
be so rude to your sister.”
Bertholdt smiled up at Annie with a soft blush on his cheeks, obviously the boy
still had a soft spot for her.
“Alright you two, let’s go something to eat.” Annie said with a sigh.
“I don’t want you to come with us.” Reiner protested, obviously being
chaperoned at his age was too much of an embarrassment.
“Well you can’t be trusted alone because you just waste it, I’m going to have
to monitor you.” She told them, ushering them towards the food stalls.
“Ugh, you’re so annoying Annie.” Her brother complained.
“Yeah, yeah.” She rolled her eyes, glancing over her shoulder to call back at
Eren. “See you around.”
“See you around Annie.” He smiled slightly, watching her take on the motherly
role he could never have pictured in before. Maybe she was right, maybe they
had all changed.
…
Eren sighed as he shifted position on the bench, his bum had been going numb
for a while now but it was the best view to keep an eye on Levi and Erwin as
they flitted around the fair.
The longer he spent alone the more he thought about what Annie had said, they
were completely different people now and was he just forcing a connection that
wasn’t even there anymore?
Sure Levi said that he loves him but was it in the way Eren wanted him to? He
was a child, could he distinguish between family love and partner love? He
loved his mum, he loved Erwin, at his age he loves everyone. Why did Eren think
he was special?
Was he nothing more than the father figure that Levi lacked and he was taking
advantage of this fact? Taking the younger boys innocence and trust and using
it to his own benefit, to salvage a relationship that had once been.
He shook his head slightly, trying to rid this thoughts and put his focus back
on the pair of boys he was monitoring. He watched as Erwin was collected by his
mother – least he assumed by the blonde hair and matching smile – before Levi
took off running back towards Eren.
He waved slightly at Erwin’s mother who smiled at him when she noticed who Levi
was hurtling towards before leaving with her son. He supposed it was getting
dark and he should take Levi home soon himself.
“Eren!” He cried, practically throwing himself on the other boy.
“Hello.” He smiled at the over-zealous child. “Did you have fun?”
“So much fun!” He nodded.
“Shall we head home then?” He asked.
“No, we can’t leave yet.” Levi shook his head furiously. “We haven’t been on
any rides together.”
“We haven’t.” He agreed, choosing not to add any petty remarks about how Levi
had run off and ditched him for Erwin.
“Let’s go on the Haunted House!” Levi decided, pulling on his arm.
“Alright.”
Eren let Levi pull him off the bench and towards the ride, although he’d rather
go on something more exciting that a predictable haunted house. But he imagined
the cheap animatronics would work terrify Levi plenty.
“You won’t get scared will you?” Eren teased.
“Nope!” He furiously denied. “I’m too brave to be scared by the kiddy ride.”
“Okay.” He nodded, but the hand shaking around his wrist told a different
story.
They climbed into the vampire bat seats, Levi sitting close to Eren and never
releasing his hold on his wrist. The worker locked the carriage before sending
them off.
They were barely into the first room before Levi practically scrambled into
Eren’s lap, holding him tightly around his waist in fear of what was yet to
come. All it took was a demonic doctor pulling out the insides of his patient
to ruin Levi, he let out a small yelp and buried his head in Eren’s chest.
With a soft laugh, Eren wrapped his arm around Levi to provide some comfort as
he whimpered and trembled against his side.
As the small boy clung to him Eren came to the horrifying realisation Annie had
been correct. Levi was not the man he once was, the man he loved. But just how
much was Eren going to try and change him to suit his own selfish desires?
The thought turned his blood cold and scared him worse than anything throughout
the whole ride.
Chapter End Notes
     I know Eren’s thoughts kind of flit around a lot in the chapter but I
     did it to show how confused he is and that there is a little bit of
     denial in him. Hope it wasn’t too annoying!
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eren made his way back from the fun fair with a still slightly shaky Levi in
his arms. He’d left the haunted house looking pale and sickly so Eren had
quickly wrapped him up in an embrace and carried him home.
As he bounced against Eren’s hip, Levi slowly calmed down feeling safe in the
other’s arms whilst surrounded by his scent. He always felt like that around
Eren, like there was something deeply rooted inside himself that loved him
without reason.
The more Eren was around the less Levi seemed to dream about the war between
the titans and humanity. They seemed to revolve around Eren, their history
together and the progression of their relationship. The feelings he was
beginning to feel towards Eren confused him, he didn’t know what they meant but
they were growing stronger.
Noticing Levi was distracted, Eren decided he needed to cheer the boy up. The
ghost train obviously had shaken up a lot more than he was letting on.
With a smile, Eren pretended to lose his hold on the young boy, letting his top
half fall while he tightly held him around his waist.
“Eren!” Levi squealed, giggling as he hung upside down.
“I can’t help it my arm has gone dead.” He complained, sighing as if holding
Levi was a great task.
“I’m going to fall.” He squirmed, despite having great faith that Eren would
never hurt him.
“It’s alright, your hair will cushion your fall.” He said, dropping him
slightly before grabbing him again.
“No, don’t!” He giggled loudly, reaching up to grab at Eren’s arm.
“Alright then.” Eren sighed, pulling the other boy up until he was upright
again.
Once he was safely back in Eren’s arms Levi gave him a quick thank you kiss on
the cheek.
“You’re very strong.” He complimented to a blushing Eren.
“You will be too one day.” He replied.
“Uh huh. I’m going to grow up huge and strong!” He gushed, stretching his arms
out.
“Maybe, who knows?” He nodded – he could potentially be strong but huge would
be very unlikely.
“And when I’m big I will carry you.” He decided with a nod.
“Really?” He laughed.
Sometimes in the past, when Eren was feeling particularly teasing, Levi would
carry him over his shoulder and throw him onto the bed. He loved to push Levi
right to the edge until he couldn’t hold back anymore and he simply ravished
him.
Lust bloomed inside him as he imagined being manhandled by Levi again, his
hands squeezing and pinching as he has his way with him. Now they’d be able to
have quick, passionate fucks and deep meaningful love making. They’d be able to
take their time without the threat of war just beyond the walls.
But all those moments would have to wait until Levi was ready, they wouldn’t
rush into their relationship this time as they had all the time in the world.
…
As they walked through the door Levi yawned loudly behind his hand, they’d
stayed longer than expected at the fair and it was past nine o’clock. But it
was a weekend so Eren supposed Levi was allowed to stay up a little later than
usual.
Once the door was locked Eren tried to place Levi back on the floor, but it was
proving to be quite a struggle as the younger boy refused to release his hold
around his neck.
“Come on trouble, let go.” Eren said, pinching his hips gently.
“No.” He shook his head with a smile.
Eren rolled his eyes and stood up again, Levi following after him until he was
on his very tip toes before he jumped and wrapped his arms around his waist.
Eren wobbled slightly at the sudden addition of weight but soon regained
himself, balancing against the wall with arm while Levi clung to him.
“Upstairs!” Levi cried, bouncing up and down on his hip.
Eren nodded before walking the pair to the stairs, if he had more focus he
would have commented on how lazy Levi was behaving but instead he was taking
calming breaths to rid the heat pooling in his gut.
He imagined Levi wrapped around him, grinding his hips against him mercilessly
as he whispered all the things he wanted to do directly into Eren’s ear until
he was a wobbling mess. Running down the corridors as he hurried to get Levi to
a bed, or chair, or a desk or any surface that he could pin him too and pound
into him.
Once they’d reached the top of the stairs, Levi wriggled out his arms and
landed gracefully on the floor.
“We need a bath before bed.” Levi said, walking towards the bathroom.
“Right, I’ll wait downstairs for you.” He said, turning towards the stairs.
“No.” He reached out and grabbed his hand. “We both need to have a bath.”
“Oh right, well I can just have one later.” He flustered.
“But it’s a sleepover so we have a bath together.” He frowned in confusion,
tugging on his hand.
“Levi, you’re a little too old for baths with other people.” He tried, hoping
he wouldn’t keep pushing for his own way.
“No!” He furiously denied. “I had one with Erwin at his house last weekend.”
Erwin. God he hated that name. No matter what happened he always managed to
trump Eren, in this life and the last. It was stupid but he always felt like he
was in competition with Erwin for Levi’s heart, he may have won once but who
knew if that would happen again?
But that couldn’t excuse what he was considering, debating whether bathing
naked with a young boy was an acceptable way to spend the evening. A young boy
who didn’t understand the insinuation of this act.
“We’re friends and that’s what they do.” He whined.
“I guess.” He nodded, letting Levi drag him towards the bathroom while hoping
he could think of an excuse.
Inside the bathroom, Levi began to fill the tub and pull his clothes off
eagerly, pouring in copious amounts of bubble bath.
Eren watched him with a stuttering heart, part of him wanted to just embrace
the moment and let himself be with Levi fully – and it was definitely over half
of him. But there was the rational voice in his mind that told him to just walk
away. Levi was a child and he was an adult, he could fuss and he could pout but
at the end of the day Eren’s word was law and he would have to deal with that.
Levi turned off the tap and climbed inside, looking back at Eren expectantly.
“You need to take off your clothes.” He giggled.
“There is not enough room.” He said weakly.
Levi gave him a look before glancing towards the other side of the bath, plenty
of room for another two adults in the luxurious bath let alone Eren.
“Yes there is.” Levi denied, curling his legs up just in case.
“Look Levi.” Eren sighed, kneeling down to look the boy in the eyes. “As you
get older you stop having baths with friends. And I am older so I don’t want
to, it’s not you it’s just me.”
“But special friends bath together.” He protested. “Daddy and Auntie Annabelle
do, they’ve got a bathroom in their room especially.”
Eren assumed Auntie Annabelle was his dad’s new wife or Levi’s family were even
more messed up this time around.
“Well yes but that’s because they’re all grown up.” He tried to explain but
Levi just frowned.
“But you said if you’re old you don’t want to.”
“I just… It’s complicated Levi.” He groaned, this conversation was just going
round and round.
Instead of replying Levi leant forward and captured his lips in a soft albeit
wet kiss, Eren moaned at the familiar warmth and knew in that second he was a
goner.
“Please Eren.” Levi whispered against his lips.
“Alright.” He sighed, standing tall again and shuffling out his clothes.
It would be fine, he would stay in his side of the bath, he wouldn’t touch Levi
at all and they’d be fine. He tried to reassure himself as he sunk into the hot
water, mere inches away from an equally naked Levi.
Levi gave him a satisfied smile before standing tall again, Eren swallowing
thickly as he watched the water and bubbles drip down his body, catching on his
curves.
“What’s wrong?” Eren asked, his voice cracking as he spoke.
“I need to get some toys.” Levi shook his head as if the answer were obvious.
Eren nodded as Levi turned around, carelessly leaning over the edge of the bath
to reach the box of toys. He threw the toys over his shoulder, not even
bothering to check they were missing Eren but he was distracted to notice.
Eren bit his lips as Levi’s cheeks separated and flashed his tight, virgin
entrance. He felt disgusting, the kissing was one thing but this was too much,
this was wrong. He knew he should look away, this leering after a child had to
stop but he was more than just a child. He was Levi and no matter what Levi
turned him on.
He felt himself stirring and hardening as he watched that pink, puckered hole
teasing him, begging him to touch, to enter. God he hoped Levi stayed on his
side of the bath.
But fate didn’t seem to be on his side, almost as soon as Levi had finished
depositing toys into the bath he moved through the water until he was resting
on Eren’s leg.
He could feel everything, his tight balls resting against his thigh, the head
of his soft dick grazing his skin, the heat between his cheeks that rested
against his knee.
“You know Eren, I remember more now.” Levi said calmly, as if he weren’t naked
and perched on his leg.
“Really? Like what?” He asked, shifting awkwardly. His own dick was threatening
to poke out the water as it rested against his stomach, painfully hard.
“Well, I remember that you and I were special friends back then too.” He
smiled, picking up a handful of bubbles and pressing them on Eren’s chin.
“Oh.” Eren stuttered, skin prickling under his bubble beard.
“Uh huh.” He nodded, eagerly adding to his beard. “We were at practise and you
did something stupid and broke a blade. So I said I was going to take you away
to be punished but I didn’t you know?”
“What did you do?” He asked, despite knowing exactly how this story ended.
“I took you away from everyone else and then once we were out of site you
kissed me. It was a very big kiss too, you pushed me against the wall and I
wrapped my legs around you.” He giggled slightly.
“Then what?” He whispered.
“Then I woke up.” He shrugged.
Eren supposed it was good that his dream had ended there, that he didn’t
remember that Eren had thrust into him with passion and fever. Their moans so
loud and pleasured that they were heard on the training field, thus ending the
reign of their secret relationship.
“Did you know we used to be special friends?” Levi asked curiously.
“Yes I did.” He nodded slowly.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He frowned.
“Because I wanted you to remember on your own.” He offered.
He felt torn, now that Levi knows his feelings could be no long one sided but
it also meant his dreams would grow more intimate. He’d have more questions for
Eren, more requests and he knew that he could never refuse his love.
“That’s stupid.” Levi shook his head, splashing Eren in the face with water.
“Hey!” Eren shouted as his beard melted off his face but Levi just giggled and
repeated the action. “That’s it.”
Eren reached out and tickled Levi’s sides, the young boy squirming and
squealing to escape his hands. He leaned closer to Eren and he froze when he
felt Levi pressed against his erection.
“What’s that?” Levi asked, moving the bubbles that hid Eren.
“Nothing.” Eren tried to stop him but it was too late.
“Why is it stood up?” He frowned, looking down at himself just to confirm the
difference.
“Because I love you so much, I get really happy when I’m around you.” He
explained in layman’s terms.
Curiously, Levi reached out causing Eren to moan as he tentatively touched the
slit.
“Did I hurt you?” Levi gasped, pulling his hand back quickly with a swish
through the water.
“No.” He shook his head. “It felt good.”
Biting his lip, Levi reached forward again and gently swirled his fingers
around the head, Eren’s breath shortening as he had to hold himself back from
thrusting into Levi’s touch. Feeling more confident Levi lightly gripped the
length moving it around carelessly in the water.
The rational part of his mind screamed to stop, to jump out of the bath and
stop everything. But he wanted to lose himself just for a moment, a moment let
himself feel and love Levi like he’d always dreamed.
Without questioning further, Eren wrapped his hands around Levi’s own, guiding
them so that together they gently pumped his erection.
“Like that.” He groaned.
Levi didn’t respond, instead he watched wide eyed as their hands moved in
tandem, the tip peeking through the water. His gaze moved up to Eren who was
breathing erratically as soft pleas fell from his lips.
It all felt familiar to Levi but he didn’t understand how, like this moment was
buried deep inside him but he couldn’t find it, couldn’t place it.
“Ah.” Eren stuttered, removing his hands to grip tightly at the edge of the
bath. 
Levi carried on working solo, a small desire deep inside him needing to hear
those moans again and more. He didn’t know what he was doing but it didn’t
matter to Eren, he’d been dreaming of the moment that Levi would finally touch
him again that he felt like his whole body was on fire.
Eren’s head rolled back as he felt the familiar hands touching him, teasing
him, giving him unimaginable amounts of pleasure. The hold was tight, his small
hands unable to fully wrap around him but it felt so good. The warmth
surrounded him and brought him closer and closer to release.
Eren’s toes began to curl as Levi was entirely entranced, unable to look away
or blink as he created ripples in the water with every stroke.
“Levi… Keep going… I’m… Close.” He panted.
The breathless moans fuelled Levi, his hand caressing faster working towards an
end goal that he wasn’t even sure of. But he knew he wanted to see it, he
wanted to see what Eren was close to, he wanted to see just how much the other
boy loved him.
With a cry, Eren’s hips shot forward with powerful spurts that flew out the
water like a volcano finally erupting after centuries spent dormant.
Levi watched in an amazement as white cream shot from Eren and landed heavy in
the bathwater. Suddenly he was timid again, pulling away and squirming on the
other side of the bath.
“It’s okay.” Eren reassured breathlessly. “That’s supposed to happen.”
Levi looked towards the sperm that was slowly beginning to sink in confusion.
It looked strange and unnatural, and whatever it was had caused Eren to look
like he was in pain as it had flown from his body. But he had also had another
look, the same look he got after they kissed deeply but he still didn’t know
what it meant.
Levi felt a deep heat building inside him, burying deep in his crotch. He
pulled his legs together tightly and wriggled, he wasn’t sure why but he liked
what he felt.
Eren watched him with a soft smile, watching as Levi discovered the pleasure
inside himself. He moved forward only for Levi to shake his head viciously, he
was embarrassed by what he was doing but yet he couldn’t stop.
“It’s natural Levi, don’t be ashamed.” Eren whispered, easily reading the boys
thoughts.
Gently, Eren separated Levi’s thighs and ran a slow finger along the length of
Levi’s erection, the young boy shuddering at the sensation.
“It will feel good.” Eren promised, delicately wrapping his fingers around
Levi’s small length.
He looked up at Eren in confusion, eyes scared and blown wide with excitement.
He wanted to stop while also wanting to feel more.
“I promise.” Eren smiled softly, resting his forehead against Levi’s.
Slowly Eren began pumping, soft breathy moans filling the room as Levi
experienced new realms of ecstasy. He reached out and grabbed Eren’s shoulders,
squeezing as his body helplessly thrust into Eren’s fist.
Levi felt pressure building inside him, unlike anything he’d ever felt before.
“Eren, stop.” He begged, he felt close to exploding.
“It’s okay.” He chanted. “It’s okay.”
“I need the toilet.” He said, tears building in his eyes as the feeling
bloomed.
“You don’t.” He shook his head, rubbing the slit softly with his thumb.
“Ah!” He cried. “Please stop.”
“Trust me.” Eren whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “It will feel
good.”
Levi gasped and moaned as Eren ignored his protests, he felt his whole body
tighten, coiling deep inside until he couldn’t handle the pressure anymore.
With a high pitched cry Levi came, his back arching as Eren pumped him through
his spurts.
Levi gasped desperately, trying to catch his breath as he bonelessly sunk into
the water. Eren reached forward and wrapped his arms around his small waist,
pressing soft kisses to his sweaty crown.
“We should get you cleaned up.” He mumbled into his hair.
“Yeah.” Levi agreed.
“Then go to bed.”
Levi hummed in agreement but had lost all energy to do any more.
Wordlessly, Eren cleaned Levi, watching all evidence of what happened dissolve
into the water and flow down the drain. He softly dried Levi, dressed him and
carried him to bed.
As he placed Levi down on the soft sheets of the spare bed he felt the guilt
seep into his veins, freezing him up in disgust. He had violated Levi, taken
this innocent child and forced him into things he didn’t understand.
He always had such good intentions but around Levi he seemed to lose control,
forget their reality and lose himself to their love. It felt right at the time
but after he knew it was wrong, he was wrong, but he also knew given the chance
he’d do it all again.
…
Eren lay on his side, watching Levi stare up at the ceiling with an unreadable
expression. Since the bath Levi hadn’t spoken, he’d barely even moved. It was
like his mind was processing everything, working through what had happened.
Did he know it was unacceptable, was he now repulsed by Eren and wanted nothing
to do with him? Would he tell his mother and stop Eren from ever seeing him
again?
“Eren?” He whispered, voice thick with sleep.
“Yeah?” He replied.
“I love you.” He said, turning his head to look at him.
“I love you too.” He smiled softly.
“And I like that we do special things together.” He told him.
“Me too.” He admitted in revulsion. “But they have to be secrets.”
“I know.” He nodded. Eren cringed at his wording, just how much did Levi really
know about what was happening between them?
Levi rolled over until he was next to Eren, placing his head on his chest and
letting himself, finally, fall to sleep. Dreamily, Eren stroked his hair,
listening as his breath slowed and he fell into dreams.
Eren hated himself, there were no excuses for his behaviour, he always lost his
head when it came to Levi. He had a one track mind and as long as he could have
Levi by his side he would continue to make mistakes.
Chapter End Notes
     So it’s begun, and I feel kinda gross writing it :/ oh dear!
***** Chapter 10 *****
Eren struggled to eat his lunch, his rice falling off his fork and onto the
table each time his arm was jostled. He wasn’t sure how it happened but at some
point during the meal, Levi had moved until he was situated on Eren’s lap. He’d
claimed that he just wanted to be closer to ‘his Eren’ but after yesterday why
would he?
He’d gone over every moment from the bath in that morning, once his mind was
cleared from pleasure and post-orgasmic bliss. What struck him the most was
that Levi had begged him to stop.
But he hadn’t, he had pushed him, forced him into things he hadn’t wanted.
Levi seemed fine this morning, as if the moment had never happened, there was
no mention of it at all. Beyond the slight increase in affection nothing had
altered between the pair.
Eren should be keeping his distance but Levi needed the comfort, he may not
realise it but his whole life had changed thanks to the older boy’s rash
decisions. While the other children were playing hide and seek Levi was fooling
around with a teenager. It wasn’t right, he shouldn’t have to behave this way
simply because Eren lacked self-control.
But that was exactly why Eren couldn’t draw back completely, he couldn’t let
Levi think he had done something wrong. Blame himself for everything Eren had
done to him.
At some point during his musings, Levi had grown tired of his own lunch and was
now watching Eren. A small smile on his face, not too dissimilar to the one
he’d had in the past.
He used to see it across the food hall, Levi pretending to be paying attention
to his comrades when in fact his focus was elsewhere. He’d be watching Eren,
thinking it was unnoticed by everyone but the boy always knew. Levi’s gaze
always felt hot against his skin, as if it were a caress on his body. Eren
would blush and his friends would tease him but he didn’t care, knowing that
even separated he was on Levi’s mind was enough for him.
“What’s up?” Eren asked, raising an eyebrow at Levi.
“Nothing.” Levi shrugged.
“You sure?” He laughed. “Because you’re food is getting cold.”
“I don’t want it.” He pouted.
“If you don’t eat lunch you won’t get a dessert.” He told him.
“Don’t want dessert.” He said, stubbornly turning his face away from the table.
With a sigh, Eren placed his fork on his plate, moving Levi in his arms until
he was facing him, forcing him to look him in the eyes.
“Alright, what’s wrong?” Eren asked.
“I don’t want you to leave.” Levi admitted, throwing himself forward and
wrapping his arms around Eren’s neck.
“I’ll be back tomorrow.” He laughed, gently stroking his back.
“But I want you to be here all the time.” He moaned.
“You don’t need me if Mummy’s here.” He said.
“But why can’t you both be here at the same time?” He asked. “I love you both
and I want you to stay.”
“I can’t.” He sighed, god he would give anything to stay with Levi forever, in
their little bubble of love and happiness. But he knew the harsh and cold
reality had to hit at some point.
“If you loved me you’d stay.” He snapped.
He felt Levi trying to escape his hold but Eren wouldn’t let go. It was strange
how the same insecurities could still be affecting Levi in this life. Everyone
who loved him left him, whether it be through choice or unforeseen
circumstances he was always left alone.
Before Levi had accepted it, resigned to the fact that he was never to have
love, to spend his life alone. But this Levi was fighting it, refusing to let
something go if he loved them. Eren was proud of this Levi, he was glad he was
allowing himself to believe his was worthy of love.
Even if it was Eren’s tainted love.
“You know I love you Levi.” Eren squeezed him. “But I have to go home.”
“Why?” Levi moaned into his neck.
“Because our love is secret.”
“But if I told Mummy she might let you stay.” He offered, pulling back and
looking at the older boy hopefully.
Eren felt his blood turn cold, Raquel could never find out the truth, he risked
going a jail sentence if this was revealed. In that moment he was reminded how
dirty this was, Levi’s innocence couldn’t truly comprehend why it had to be
secret, why the world couldn’t know about their love.
To Levi it was pure and it was special, if only Eren could be that blissfully
aware rather than have to constantly fight an internal battle.
“You can’t.” Eren said, his own voice sounding sinister in his ears. “It has to
be a secret.”
“I know.” Levi sighed, sagging back against Eren. “I just wish you could stay
with me all the time.”
Would he still feel that when he was older? When he was Eren’s age would he
look back on this would he feel disgusted, violated by someone who was meant to
care for him? Or would he still feel the same love that was so strong any
stupid decision seemed justified.
…
After finally finishing off their lunch the pair moved to the living room to
watch a film, Levi somehow managing to worm his way onto Eren’s lap once again.
“You know, it’s difficult to see the film with your head blocking my view.”
Eren complaining, tickling Levi’s sides.
“Don’t care.” Levi giggled, trying to squirm away from his hands.
“Well I care.” He scolded.
“Eren, stop.” He begged breathlessly.
“Not until you get out of my way.” He laughed himself at the panting boy.
“Okay, I will.” He wriggled, managing to roll away and land with a thud on the
ground.
“Levi!” Eren cried, leaning forward to see the small boy looking up at him with
wide and confused eyes. “You okay?”
“I hurt my head.” He said, rubbing the red patch on his forehead.
Eren could see his eyes growing watery but he was fighting it, trying hard to
keep the tears down. He’d reached that awkward age where he still wanted to be
held and comforted when he was hurt but at the same time wanted to be grown up.
“Come here.” Eren instructed, lifting Levi up until he was back in place on his
lap.
“I’m fine.” He protested despite leaning into Eren’s touch as he gently rubbed
his head.
Eren barely noticed Levi’s gaze fixed on him, too busy rubbing his head to find
any hidden bumps or lumps, not wanting to have inadvertently injured him.
He hadn’t realised the compromising position they were in until Levi reached
out and threaded his fingers through his hair. He looked down to see Levi
straddling his lap, crotches pressed together as Levi’s gaze slowly dragged
down to his lips.
He was shocked how quickly the air between them could shift, how it could go
from something as innocent as Eren checking Levi over to something sexual and
raw.
And yet he could never enjoy the moment, it was initiated by a child, a child
who shouldn’t know that if he dug his fingers into dark chestnut locks the
other man would turn a putty. A child who shouldn’t know that quickly darting
his tongue out would cause a man’s heart to palpitate. A child who shouldn’t
bite his lip as he debated his next move.
Eren had no chance to decide how he would react to the situation before Levi
was on him, hot desperate kisses against his lips. Tongue pushing inside his
own mouth in longing, an emotion Eren couldn’t help but cave to.
Levi didn’t know why he needed to kiss Eren, why he felt a strong tug deep
inside him when they were close to each other. It started small, a little
niggle to touch, to hug, to hold until it grew and grew and took over his whole
body. As if someone else were in control, someone who knew what they needed to
scratch that itch within.
And just like that he snapped, another person took control with a growl,
shocking Eren as the kisses became harder. Rough, bruising, forceful. Just like
old Levi. Soft hands that gently caressed his hair now gripped his shoulders,
nails digging in to his skin in a desperate attempt to get closer.
Slowly, Levi began to rock in an animalistic rut. It was a need deeply rooted
inside him, this strange yet uncontrollable desire to move, to gently roll his
hips against Eren’s.
In moments like this Eren could almost justify their relationship, through even
the smallest of mannerisms he could see the old Levi. He could feel him seeping
into the room, taking control of the entire situation.
Levi pulled back when he felt something pressing against him, something that
had grown through their grinding. He looked down at the bulge, fingers itching
to reach out and stroke that unfamiliar swell.
“No Levi.” Eren shook his head as small hands cupped him.
“Please Eren.” He begged, refusing to pull away. “Show me how much you love
me.”
Show me how much you love me.
That phrase echoed in his mind, over and over at night he’d hear the same
phrase. Each time he’d breathlessly tell Levi he loved him he’d reply with the
same phrase. Show me how much you love me.Grinning smugly as he watched cum
shoot across Eren’s toned stomach.
“What?” Eren gasped, looking into to the oh so familiar dark eyes clouded with
lust.
“Last night you said it’s because you love me that you get like this.” He
explained, squeezing his erection slightly and eliciting a moan from Eren. “I
want to see it again.”
The small boy didn’t wait for a response before he was eagerly undoing his
trousers, like a small child would on Christmas, lips pulled back in an
anticipatory smile.
“Levi, stop.” Eren protested, grabbing his hands in panic.
As he lay in bed that morning he had decided that anything more than kisses had
to stop. The kisses were what he deemed acceptable, children kissed on the
playground. Others would gather around and watch in amazement and slight shock
as the partners locked lips. But they never touched each other intimately, boys
wouldn’t gather in the toilets and watch as one boy tossed off another – least
he hoped they didn’t.
Levi may have experienced more than the average child, his memories of a past
life alone were enough to change the way he grew up. But Eren was determined to
make sure that nothing else would be different, push him into adulthood too
early.
“Why not?” He asked curiously.
“It’s not right.” He gasped, despite his protests Levi’s hands still attempt to
touch him through his boxers.
“It was right yesterday.” He frowned. “I won’t tell anyone, it will be our
special secret.”
Eren wanted to stop, his mind screamed at him to stop but yet he could never
deny Levi. He lost himself in those pleading eyes and knew now, and for the
rest of his life, he would give into to everything Levi wanted.
With a nod he let Levi roll down his boxers, allowing Eren’s hard cock to
spring free from its material confines. His finger reached out and gently
rubbed the head, swirling the precum around that had gathered.
Levi wrapped a hand around him and pumped, his movements nothing than last
night. They were powerful, they were confident, after just one simple night
Levi was back in control.
He moved off Eren’s lap to kneel by his side on the sofa, watching in amazement
as he moved, taking in every small detail he had overlooked the night before.
The way the head of Eren’s glistened, red and wet, the way his vein grew as the
pleasure became stronger, the way the muscle pulsed under his fingertips. It
showed Levi the love they shared, he knew he was the cause for all these
reactions, the cause of Eren moaning and gasping, gripping the nearest sofa
cushion he could find.
Suddenly, that itch was back, that need for more, to feel more. He wondered
what Eren would taste like, he wondered what Eren would feel against his own
smaller cock, he wondered what he would feel like inside him somehow.
He wasn’t sure how to experience these new dreams, fragments of their past
crackling behind his eyes, his head hurting at the speed pleasured memories
assaulted him.
Suddenly, Eren was screaming, his love shooting out his cock and landing
harshly on the hard wood floor.
Eren slumped against the sofa, boneless, breathless as he came down from his
high. Levi blinked and suddenly everything was forgotten. Everything he
wondered, all those glimpses into their past, that itch was gone.
“Are you okay?” Eren panted, reaching out and stroking Levi’s hair.
“Yeah.” He nodded, staring down at his own hands.
His body hadn’t been his for that moment, taken over by that strange other
person and yet he’d wanted it all the same. He may have felt locked in his own
brain but he couldn’t deny he loved each moment of it, he loved to make Eren
feel that ecstasy.
Eren leant forward and briefly kissed Levi’s lips in reassurance, he wasn’t
sure at this point who he was reassuring but he knew it was needed.
…
Eren knelt on his knees and scrubbed at the now hardened and dried cum on the
floor, he should have cleaned it up straight away but instead he’d held Levi.
They had both needed the comfort.
Said boy was now upstairs, playing with his action figures. Eren was amazed how
quickly the boys mind flitted to the next activity, carefree and playing as if
he hadn’t had Eren quivering at his touch mere minutes ago.
He moved his cloth and sighed at the stubborn stain, almost taunting him,
teasing him. Reminding him what a disgusting person he was, he’d spoiled Levi
just like he’d spoiled this floor. A filthy mark on a once pristine past.
“I’m sorry Levi.” Eren whispered as the final remains of what had happened
finally washed away.
Just as he rose to his feet he heard the front door open and the sound of
clicking heels followed by a wheeled suitcase filled the hall.
“Levi? Eren?” Raquel asked, walking into the living room.
“He’s upstairs.” Eren replied, guiltily screwing up the kitchen cloth in his
hands. “Sorry, I spilt some tea.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She laughed, grabbing the cloth from him. “I’ve raised
a boy, I’ve had my fair share of spills.”
“I can sort that out.” He panicked, reaching out for it.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll rinse it out later.” She dismissed him.
Raquel walked to the kitchen, dropping the cloth by the sink and getting
herself a drink. Eren watched helplessly, knowing how close he was to being
found out, how close she was to realising that it certainly wasn’t tea on that
cloth.
“Levi!” Raquel shouted, walking back into the hall.
“Mummy!” A voice cried, Eren diving for the cloth as he heard the excited
patter of feet down the stairs.
Eren joined the family in the hall just in time to see Levi fly into his
mother’s arms, burying his face into her neck just as he had done with Eren
earlier at the kitchen table.
“Oh my little prince!” She gushed, pulling back. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” He giggled as his mother peppered kisses on his cheeks.
“Did you have fun with Eren?” She asked, smiling up at the older boy whose
heart stuttered at the question.
This could be the moment, the moment that everything ended. The moment that
Levi told his mother the truth and ruined any chance they had to stay together.
“Lots of fun.” He nodded. “Eren took me to the fair.”
“Did he?” She smiled. “Now I have something special for you in my bag but I
have to check with Eren that you’ve been a good boy.”
And just like that the crisis had been averted, but Eren still felt on edge, he
still felt guilty, as if he deserved to be discovered and punished.
“I have!” Levi cried, eyes wide with excitement. “I’ve been on my best
behaviour.”
“He’s been an angel.” Eren croaked in response, his throat was slightly dry
still.
“I guess you can find your gift then.” Raquel winked.
Levi ran towards her bag, riffling through the contents until he found the blue
wrapped gift at the bottom. He tore into the gift with the same excitement he’d
undressed Eren, two vastly different situations and yet both filled Eren with
happiness to watch.
“Thank you Eren, you really came through for me this weekend.” She smiled.
“Don’t worry about it.” He weakly returned the smile, she certainly wouldn’t be
saying that if she knew the truth.
…
Once he was home Eren began frantically pacing his room, he needed to quit, he
knew he needed to but something held him back.
His love of Levi, his relief to have finally found him again scared him from
ever quitting.
He could never leave Levi again, after searching all this time to find him he
couldn’t walk away, he couldn’t let the best thing that ever happened to him
slip through his fingers again.
Night after night he dreamt of Levi’s death, watching the life slip from him,
his final breath escape his lips. He never wanted to have to experience
anything like that again.
As wrong as it was he would hold onto Levi for as long as he could, until the
boy told him to leave he would remain. Until Levi said he didn’t love him
anymore he would refuse to let go.
“I’m sorry Levi.” He apologised again, he deserved so much better than Eren.
…
Levi nestled into his mother’s side, relaxing into her comfort, her arm
slipping around his waist and squeezing him tighter.
The embrace felt so different from Eren’s, the love was still there, the
comfort was still there, but the itch wasn’t. That strange burning wasn’t
there.
He knew Eren always told him their love was a special love but he hadn’t quite
believed him until this moment. He loved his mum, he loved Erwin, he loved his
dad, he loved the next door neighbour’s cat. But it wasn’t the same love he had
for Eren.
It was stronger, it was deeper. The love he felt for everyone was a warm glow
but the love for Eren was a fiery burn that only seemed to grow the more they
were around each other. The pull towards Eren getting so strong, he felt it
overwhelming his whole body, consuming him until all he could think of was the
older boy.
It scared him but he readily accepted it, it terrified him yet exited him, it
was strange whilst also being familiar. It felt so right but for some reason
Eren wanted it to remain a secret.
His mother had always taught him that love was nothing to ashamed of, no matter
who you loved they were your special person and you should be proud of them.
And he was proud of Eren, he was proud that they loved each other.
So proud he wanted to tell his mother, why should it be a secret?
“Mummy?” Levi asked, dragging her attention away from the TV show.
“What is it baby?” Raquel smiled, brushing his hair out of his tired eyes. It
was later than his usual bedtime but after being apart for a whole weekend she
was willing to break a few rules. She was expecting him to tiredly admit he
wanted to sleep, not a bizarre confession.
“I love Eren.” He sighed, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
“Really?” She grinned, as if this were news. She’d seen the way Levi’s face
would light up when Eren was around, he absolutely adored him.
“Yeah, a lot.” He nodded. “But it’s a secret.”
“Oh, of course.” She laughed, placing a soft kiss on his crown.
She was glad he finally had a male figure in his life, someone to look up to
and care for him in return.
***** Chapter 11 *****
…
Eren awoke to blonde hair and blue eyes, leaning a little too close to comfort.
He rubbed his eyes until the concerned face of his best friend slowly came into
focus.
“Armin?” He yawned, stretching in bed. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.” He said seriously, eyes never leaving Eren as he sat
up in bed.
“At half seven in the morning?” He frowned glancing at his clock, it was half
an hour before his alarm was even due to go off.
“Yes.” He nodded, moving so he was sat at the opposite end of Eren’s bed.
“Well, I’m all ears.” He moaned sleepily, his head lolling and eyes dropping
slightly.
“I heard you last night.” Armin said bluntly, looking at Eren expectantly who
was too tired to try and fill in the blanks.
“Right, last night.” He nodded, he didn’t remember having a nightmare and
thrashing around, but even if he had why would Armin have been around to hear
it?
“You were pacing around, you sounded like something was bothering you.” He
pressed forward.
“I suppose so.” He admitted, not that he could ever tell Armin the real reason.
“And what is it?” He probed.
“Does it matter?” Eren groaned, crossing his arms.
“Of course it matters!” Armin cried. “I’m your friend and I want to know what
kept you pacing until about two in the morning.”
“Why were you even here at two in the morning?” He asked in an attempt at
changing the subject.
“I was with Mikasa.” He coughed awkwardly.
“All night?”
“Yes.” He nodded shyly.
“Why?” Eren frowned, as far as he knew he was the glue that tied Armin and
Mikasa, he wasn’t aware they often spent time together without him.
“No reason.” He blushed. “Look, that’s not why I am here. Please, talk to me
Eren.”
Eren sighed, he felt bad for Armin, they used to always confide in each other,
there was never any secrets between them. But what was happening with Eren,
this was bigger than friendship, it was something he knew he could never share.
It was the sort of secret someone would take to the grave.
“It’s just past stuff.” Eren said vaguely.
“Past stuff?” Armin repeated. “Does this involve Levi?”
“I guess so, slightly.” He shrugged, refusing to make eye contact with his
friend.
“Eren.” He groaned, running fingers through his blonde locks. “He’s not Levi
from your dreams, he’s just a child.”
“I know he’s a child but you’re wrong.” He shook his head. “He is Levi, he
knows he is. I can see it in his eyes, he has flashbacks just like me.”
“Look, I could support you before when you were just looking for Levi. Granted
you were obsessed but you weren’t hurting anyone. But now you’re dragging a
child into this imaginary world and it’s wrong!” Armin shouted, it was rare
that the boy would raise his voice but when he did Eren knew he was
exceptionally angry.
But for once his anger was unjustified, he didn’t understand, he couldn’t
understand. There was a whole world that he had forgotten existed, a whole
world that haunted both Eren and Levi.
“Armin we need each other, we’re the only two who know how it feels.” He shook
his head fiercely.
“Please, just listen to yourself for a moment. Listen to how crazy you sound.”
He begged.
“Yeah, well you’ve always thought I was crazy.” Eren scoffed, he knew full well
that neither Mikasa or Armin ever believed him.
“This is different, you are putting too much pressure on this child. What if he
grows out of this Titan phase? What if he refuses to believe anymore? Will you
let him go?” He asked.
“Of course I would.” He lied.
“You wouldn’t.” Armin shook his head. “It worries me that you can’t even see
how unhealthy this situation is.”
“It’s you who’s making it unhealthy!” He cried. “You’re taking something pure
and twisting it into something sinister. You just don’t trust something that
you can’t explain but sometimes in life you just have to accept things as they
are.”
“Eren, Mikasa and I have been talking.” Armin said calmly, ignoring Eren’s
outburst and harsh panting. “We think it is best if you quit your job.”
“What? No!” He shook his head, he may have considered the possibility himself
but he would never actually follow through. He knew that in his heart of
hearts.
“Just for a while.” He said calmly. “Then you can get some help.”
“I don’t need help!” He shouted.
“Eren.” A voice from the doorway said making the boy jump. “Listen to Armin.”
“I don’t need you two ganging up on me.” He hissed, his gaze flicking between
his sister and his best friend.
“It’s only because we care.” Mikasa said, walking into the room and placing her
hand on Armin’s shoulder. The pair shared a soft smile as she squeezed lightly.
“If you cared you’d let me stay with Levi.” He growled.
“We’re concerned Eren.” Mikasa’s hard look returned. “You’ve only been around
this kid a few weeks and you’re already obsessed, we just don’t want you to do
something stupid you might regret.”
Too late.Eren thought bitterly, but if he was completely honest with himself
did he really regret any of his actions? He knew he should, he knew he
shouldn’t keep letting it happen but what he knew and what he wanted were
vastly different things.
“The only regret I would have is letting him slip through my fingers again.” He
whispered, pushing himself out of bed and heading towards the bathroom.
Ignoring the worried whispers he left behind.
…
Eren’s fist clenched tightly around his steering wheel, eyes set forward, face
in a permanent scowl. He had successfully avoided Armin all day at school but
it still didn’t dissipate any of his anger.
Who did he think he was? Sticking his nose into things he had no business with,
things he could never understand. He’d never been in love like this, he’d never
had it ripping at his heart when he knew that the one he loved had died. He
never had to live with the guilt of ending the life of the person who was his
whole world.
He never knew the joy of finding that person again, the person you had yearned
for with your entire being.
Armin was smart when it came to facts and figures, to things that had a set
path and routine that they would always follow. But when it came to emotions
and feelings, things that were wild and unpredictable, Armin floundered. He
could never fully understand it.
Once he’d pulled up outside Levi’s house Eren took a deep calming breath, he
needed to relax before he saw the boy. He wasn’t going to let Armin’s words
taint their time together.
He wasn’t even aware how long he’d been sat out there until he heard a knock on
his window.
“Eren?” Raquel asked, frowning slightly. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, finally climbing out his car.
“You sure? You’ve been sat out here for about ten minutes.” She said, eyeing
him suspiciously.
“I have?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, just had a bit of a
disagreement with a friend.”
“Relationship troubles?” She grinned slightly.
“Something like that.” He agreed sheepishly.
“Don’t worry about it Eren.” She squeezed his shoulder. “This girl will come
around, I’m sure.”
Eren bit his lip, not wanting to correct her. If one truth was unveiled, how
long until the next one? Until Raquel knew more than she could understand too.
“Now, Erwin is here today but if you’ve got a lot on your mind I can send him
home?” She asked, giving him a concerned glance.
As much as he would love to get rid of Erwin he knew it would only upset Levi,
he may not like him but he was Levi’s best friend and he knew he had to at
least accept it.
“No, Erwin is never any trouble.” Eren declined.
“Okay.” Raquel smiled, walking towards her own car. “I have to dash, see you
later Eren.”
He gave her a quick wave as she drove away before walking inside, to see Erwin
and Levi with glazed over expressions as they stared at the TV.
Eren laughed slightly as neither boy would tear their gaze away from the game,
Lego dinosaurs chasing them around the kitchens.
“Do you want a drink?” He asked, once again being completely ignored. “Juice?”
After being blanked a third time, Eren took himself into the kitchen and got
himself a cup of tea.
He sat down on the sofa and watched the pair, whispering as they planned their
attacks, laughter at each other’s reactions, teasing when they couldn’t keep up
with the other.
Eren felt a pout slowly developing on his lips, he knew they were having fun
but he at least expected Levi to acknowledge him.
He knew he shouldn’t be jealous, kids were meant to be completely consumed by
video games, until it became their whole world. He deserved the innocence and
joy of childhood he didn’t get the first time around.
But you’ve already taken it away from him haven’t you? Already pulled away his
innocence far too early.A snide voice in his mind reminded him, and this time
he couldn’t deny it.
Already, he knew too much, did too much, had seen too much. And a huge part of
it was entirely his fault.
But that still didn’t mean he wanted to get ignored by someone who loved him.
“You going to play this all day?” He moaned, sounding immature even to his own
ears.
“Uh huh.” Erwin nodded mindlessly.
“Mummy brought it back from her holiday.” Levi explained, barely blinking.
“We need to finish it before I leave.” Erwin told him, which Eren rolled his
eyes at. He knew that would not be happening but it did mean he’d have to find
a way to entertain himself.
Groaning, Eren pulled himself off the sofa and towards the bookcase, grabbing a
photo album with a smile. It was a scrap book made by Raquel of Levi’s early
life.
It started out with ultrasound pictures, Raquel and what he assumed was Levi’s
dad holding her stomach. A picture of tiny Levi, eyes bright and wide, small
fingers reaching up for whoever was behind the camera as he lay in a hospital
cot.
Levi screeching as he took his first bath, a tired but beaming Raquel holding
him. Photos of Levi’s dad napping with him, his first meal, his first smile,
his first steps, first haircut, first play date – unfortunately Erwin – first
Halloween, first Christmas and Birthday. Photo after photo of Levi, slowly
getting bigger, stronger, growing, his father appearing in fewer photos until
only Raquel remained.
The last photo in the baby book was of Levi’s first day at school, jumper
sleeves hanging over his hands, trousers a little too baggy, shoes shiny from
first use. His smile was bright as he tightly clutched his book bag, ready for
his next stage of life.
What struck Eren most was how similar Levi was then to the boy sat on the floor
playing with Erwin. And he supposed he wasn’t much different, only six years
between that day and now.
So much had changed, did that boy have the flashbacks? Did he knew of the past?
Or was he still happy and young, without his first life haunting him. Even if
he still knew of the Titans he had been safe from Eren.
With a sigh, he placed the book back on the shelf. He decided to go make some
dinner, he needed the distraction before he realised that Armin may have been
right that morning.
…
Eren eat his dinner awkwardly averting his gaze, Erwin sat on the other side of
the table glaring at him.
He knew the reason for Erwin’s tantrum was something as simple as anger over
Eren turning the game off too early. But he couldn’t help but worry there was
more to it, that Levi had confided in him. Maybe Erwin knew what happened
between them was wrong, Levi may still be naïve but the blonde might not be.
He was getting sick of the fear, the constant fluttering and shakes inside his
body as he tried to guard this secret.
But as much as he wanted to protect Levi, from Eren, from himself, as the boy
looked up at him and gently tapped his nose he could never quit the boy. He was
wrong, he was perverse but the more he thought about it the more he accepted
what he couldn’t change.
He lusted after Levi, young or old, and whether that was right in the eyes of
the law it was right in his mind, in his heart.
Fate brought them back together, and while it may have been bad timing he
wasn’t willing to fight against it. And as he felt Levi’s foot gently but
deliberately nudge his own under the table he realised he wasn’t the only one.
…
After walking Erwin home and a quick bath, Levi was lying in bed, eyes wide and
awake as Eren placed a soft, loving kiss on his forehead.
“You not tired?” Eren asked, stroking his silky locks.
“No.” Levi shook his head, for once not fighting yawns.
“Well I guess it is early.” He said, glancing at the clock.
As usual, Eren lay on top of the covers, facing the ceiling as he waited for
Levi to curl into his side. But the other boy didn’t move, he just lay still
and watched Eren.
“What’s wrong?” Eren frowned, he could tell immediately something was on his
mind. He could feel it in the grey gaze racking over his face and body.
“I had a dream last night.” He blushed, finally moving his look.
“What happened?”
“You were in it.” He bit his lip.
“And was I fighting the Titans for you?” He teased, worried how quickly he had
settled into acceptance of their relationship. He should fight this more but he
didn’t want to, their love was a wild sea and he was ready to drown.
“No.” Levi shook his head with a smile.
“Then what?” He probed.
“I don’t know what you were doing.” He admitted.
“What do you mean?” Eren asked, moving Levi’s head so they were eye to eye.
“I can’t tell you.” He said shyly.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know what it was, but I liked it. I woke up and I was…” Levi
trailed off in embarrassment but Eren knew exactly what he meant.
“That’s a natural reaction.” He assured him. “Please tell me what you dreamt
about.”
“I don’t know how.” He moaned.
Eren watched as Levi moved, pushing the covers off himself so his body was
free, straddling the older boy and looking into his eyes with an expression
Eren knew well. Lust mixed with passion.
It was this moment that made their relationship acceptable, Levi wasn’t a
child. He was an adult trapped in a child’s body, and on some level he was sure
Levi knew this as well.
“I can’t tell you.” Levi whispered, his voice cracking under the sheer force of
his need. “But I can show you.”
Hands moved quickly, Levi undoing Eren’s trousers, the older boy helping him
until he was naked from the waist down. Levi stared at his cock, slightly hard
in anticipation of what was to come.
Levi shuffled down his body, licking his dry lips before swallowing thickly. He
reached forward and gently wrapped his hands around Eren’s cock. He pumped his
hand until he turned hard under his touch, Eren’s hands gripping his bright
covers tightly.
Once he was hard Levi moved, taking the tip inside his mouth, caressing with
his strong tongue as he gently sucked. It was small, so tight and wet in there
that Eren was not sure how long he would last.
“And is this was what we did in your dream?” Eren panted, holding his hips down
with great restraint.
Levi hummed in agreement, taking his cock further inside his mouth. He was
eager but he quickly choked, Eren’s nerves sparked at the sound, each
overzealous drop as he hoped for more.
“Don’t push yourself.” Eren moaned as Levi pulled off with a cough.
“You could do it in my dream.” He replied, his voice horse.
Before he could reassure him that it was a skill that came with practice, Levi
moved again, taking his cock back in his mouth.
He bobbed his head back and forth, mindful of what he could take and handle,
his hand working what he couldn’t reach.
Eren panted and moaned as he looked down, his cock wet with Levi’s spit,
disappearing into his petite mouth. He reached down and brushed Levi’s hair out
of his face, his cock twitching as he took in the view.
Levi’s eyes hidden by heavy lidded eyes, lips red and moist with both his own
and Eren’s juices, his hallowed cheeks filled every time Eren’s cock slipped
into his mouth.
The moment was perfect, he was just Eren and Levi was just Levi. They were
meant to be together, if the red string of fate could survive through the
battles and deaths of the past then it could survive now.
“You feel so good.” Eren groaned.
The words were like a switch had been flicked inside Levi, he moved faster,
taking Eren deeper and deeper with each downward motion.
He worked out of control, that strange burning desire inside him taking over,
another man’s voice filling his head, telling him what to do.
Telling him to pull back and tongue at the slit on the red tip of Eren’s cock.
Telling him to gently caress and palm at Eren’s balls that had him mewling
helplessly. Telling him to alternate between sucking his whole cock and just
his head. Telling him exactly what to do to have Eren crying, moaning, curling
as he slowly came undone.
“I’m going to cum.” He whispered.
Levi looked up in confusion, the words meaning nothing to him, never stopping.
Quickly, Eren forced Levi’s tight mouth off his cock, he was freed with a lewd
pop before he released. Hot, warm sperm shot out his cock and onto Levi’s
cheek, sprinkling across his face.
Both were panting breathlessly as the sexual moment slipped away, Levi’s tongue
darting out to lick at the substance dripping down, grimacing at the bitter
taste.
“Don’t do that.” Eren half-heartedly protested.
“But you did.” Levi complained, dropping down besides Eren on the bed.
“I’ll clean you up.” He offered, shuffling back into his trousers.
“Hey Eren?” Levi called as he started to walk out of his room.
“Yeah?” He glanced over his shoulder.
“I love you.” He smiled.
“I love you too.” He flushed, wishing Levi had been as free with his affections
in the past. How would his deep, gravelly voice sound telling him he loved him?
Eren walked into the bathroom and stuck a flannel under the tap, he caught
sight of himself in the mirror. He had post orgasm glow, lips pulled back into
an uncontrollable smile, pupils still blown wide.
He missed this feeling, it was guilt free, something he had finally accepted.
It was true love, nothing sinister and nothing wrong. It was destiny, something
neither of them could ever fight.
He walked back to the room with a smile as he saw Levi asleep on the bed. As
quietly as possible he cleaned Levi and tucked him back into bed, he pressed a
soft kiss on his lips before slipping from the room.
It didn’t matter what Armin thought, he loved Levi, he adored him and he would
fight for their love until his dying breath.
…
***** Chapter 12 *****
Eren squinted as the rain pelted down against his windshield, so heavy that he
struggled to see. He drove slowly down the back roads as he made his way to
Levi’s house. It made him smile that he referred to it as Levi’s house, despite
the fact that it was Raquel’s. In his mind there was no Raquel, no Erwin, only
Levi.
And it seemed like that sentiment was transferred to all areas of his life,
school was a quiet affair, only talking when it was absolutely necessary. At
home he spent all the time he wasn’t at work in his room. It was worse than
last time, he was more obsessed.
Before he had a goal, a distraction. He couldn’t focus solely on Levi, as much
as he would have liked to. The constant threat of Titans used to plague on his
mind, controlling the monster within him and the secrets that it contained.
He wondered if that hadn’t been a factor would his and Levi’s relationship be
different? Would they just spend all their days wrapped up in each other arms?
Never bothering to come up for air, never facing the outside world.
Or if they had that chance to be together openly, unlike now and the past, then
the thrill of secrets would be gone and then maybe they’d have more self-
control.
But if there were no Titans would they even meet? Eren liked to believe they
were meant to be, that whatever their fate they would find each other. They’d
found each other now and they would have found each other then.
He and Levi were destiny.
He’d been so caught up in his thoughts he’d arrived at Levi’s without noticing,
the route a second nature to him now he didn’t even need to think about it.
He grabbed his jacket off his passenger seat, threw it over his head and ran
into the house, shaking like a dog once he was inside.
“Still pouring down?” Raquel asked, head in a cupboard as she desperately
searched for an umbrella.
“Yeah, hasn’t lightened up all day.” Eren nodded.
Raquel ran a hand through her perfectly styled hair with a sigh, not looking
forward to the rain ruining her appearance.
“I guess if I don’t go now I never will.” She laughed, putting the umbrella out
the door before she followed after it.
With a smile, Eren walked into the living room to find Levi.
His face was pressed up against the window, eyes following the rain as it
rolled down the window, his breath condensating on the window with every sigh.
“What’s up slugger?” Eren asked, ruffling Levis hair as he stood behind him.
“I hate the rain.” He sighed, dragging his finger down the window with a drop.
“Why?” He frowned.
“It’s boring!” He cried, dramatically throwing himself away from the window and
onto the sofa. “There’s nothing to do.”
“That’s not true.” He shook his head, reminding himself of his own mother when
he and Mikasa made the same complaints as children.
“Yes it is.” He said, dragging out the last word.
“We could play board games? Colour? Bake something?” He listed, each one of his
suggestions being met with an unimpressed frown. “Go swimming?”
Suddenly, Levi’s face lit up, eyes sparkling at the idea.
“Yeah!” He shouted. “Let’s do that.”
“Okay.” He nodded. “Go get your trunks.”
Eren smiled as Levi sped out the room, moving faster than he had seen him move
in this lifetime. He half expected him to jump and spin through the air at
those speeds.
…
“Don’t run!” Eren shouted after Levi as he pushed all their belongings into a
locker.
The way he moved Eren was sure that the boy had never been swimming before,
there was far too much excitement for what was essentially a pit of water. He
strapped the locker key to his wrist and chased after Levi.
He grabbed the boy by the hand and pulled him back, not wanting the boy to run
in a puddle of water and crack his head open. He didn’t want to try and explain
that to Raquel.
“Why are you so excited?” Eren laughed.
“I haven’t been swimming in ages.” He bounced as they walked. “Dad used to take
me before he married Auntie Annabelle.”
“Why doesn’t Mummy take you?” He asked.
“Mummy doesn’t swim.” Levi scoffed, as if the answer were obvious.
He supposed in a way it was, Raquel didn’t exactly look like the type who
embraced the wet, bedraggled look.
As soon as the smell of chlorine hit them, Levi was attempting to run off
again. Unfortunately for the small boy, Eren had a firm grip on his hand this
time.
“Calm down, the pool isn’t going anywhere.” Eren laughed.
…
Eren swam through the pool, chlorine stinging his eyes as he attempted to keep
them open underwater. But he couldn’t close them, he had a goal and he was
floating just a few feet away.
He watched as Levi’s legs frantically treaded the water, probably searching for
Eren in the pool – who had successfully done a disappearing act mere moments
before.
He moved stealthily through the water like a shark, grabbing the smaller boy
around the waist. He vaguely heard the sounds of screams as he surfaced from
the water, holding Levi high above the water.
As soon as Levi made eye contact with Eren his eyes shone with delight, no
longer a threat but a simple game.
“Eren!” He giggled, kicking his legs uselessly in the air.
At the sound of his name he moved, flinging Levi up and into the pool, his
laughs and screams of joy echoing off the walls as he flew.
Eren covered his eyes slightly at the splash, for such a small person he’d
managed to make quite a disturbance.
Levi resurfaced, spluttering but still smiling. He moved through the water
quickly, back to where Eren was stood and threw himself against the older boy.
He pushed and pulled but seemed to have no luck in returning the favour.
“Just give it up.” Eren laughed, as Levi attached himself to his back.
“You know when I am older I will be able to dunk you.” Levi pouted, resting his
chin against his shoulder.
“I’m sure you will.” He smiled, ruffling the boy’s wet hair.
He couldn’t wait until he was older, free to be his love. They wouldn’t have to
hide it, they could shout it to the world.
“Levi!” A voice shouted, pulling the pair out of their moment.
Eren glanced to his left to see Mike stood by the side of the pool, face
neutral and eyes unreadable under his mop of blonde hair.
“Mike!” Levi greeted eagerly, letting go of Eren quickly to be with his friend.
He watched helplessly as Levi clambered out the pool, practically desperate to
get to the other boy. He knew it was exciting when kids saw their friends but
sometimes Eren really did hate how quickly he would get ignored if Levi’s were
around.
Maybe that was just who he was this time around, maybe to him friends came
before boyfriends.
Or maybe he doesn’t understand the concept of boyfriends given his age.
Eren winced at the voice, it had been a long time since he’d last heard the
snide comments. After readily accepting this relationship, this life path he
had chosen, he assumed all areas of his mind had also. But clearly, right at
the back, part of him knew it was wrong.
“Eren!” Levi shouted.
“Yeah?” He called back.
“Me and Mike are gonna go on the slides!” He pointed behind him. “Okay?”
The way he asked implied that it wasn’t really a question, just a courtesy that
he had let him know of his plans. He supposed Levi got away with this behaviour
quite regularly with Raquel, as lovely as she was she bent over backwards for
her ‘little prince’.
“Alright.” He nodded, he supposed he wasn’t much different.
Levi gave him a smile and taped his own nose, a gesture Eren eagerly returned,
before he followed Mike away.
…
Eren watched as Mike and Levi rode the slides over and over, no hint of a break
any time soon in their minds as they grabbed a double rubber ring.
He sighed slightly, he knew it was selfish but it was his idea to come here and
he had expected to be able to spend time with Levi. Not that he was begrudging
the boy some fun but he still wanted the attention on him once in a while.
He was busy sulking he barely noticed a blonde swimming up to him and leaning
against the pool wall.
“What’s with the pout?” Annie asked, gently nudging his shoulder.
“I’m not pouting.” He mumbled.
“Please.” She rolled her eyes. “That bottom lip is so far out it’s going to
need its own area code.”
“Cute.”
“Alright, what’s up with you?” She crossed her arms, giving him a side glance.
“Nothing, why do you think something’s bothering me?” He practically shouted.
“Because I haven’t seen you this pissed off since Jean was around.” She smiled
slightly at the memory.
“God, don’t miss that horse faced bastard.” He shook his head, but he knew if
he happened to run into him again he would bear him no ill will. He’d just be
pleased to see another survivor.
“You really not going to tell me?” She asked, obviously itching to get back to
swimming. Judging by her physic and muscle definition it was something she did
often.
“I’m just bored I guess.” He shrugged, watching Levi come out of the small
splash pool after the slide before running back to the queue.
“And it’s got nothing to do with shorty?” She asked, cocking her head in Levi’s
direction.
“No.” He snapped, which gave Annie the true answer.
“Eren, he’s just a kid. Maybe you shouldn’t take everything to heart.” She
advised.
“I’m not, I already told you I’m not bothered.” He said, hating how he sounded
like a stubborn child.
“You keep telling yourself that.” She shook her head. “But Eren, please
remember he is just a kid.”
“I know that, why does everyone think I need this reminder?” He groaned, he
really didn’t need another person poking their noses into his business. He was
fully aware of the situation but he was happy with his choices and nothing
anybody said or thought was going to change that. Not now.
“Because I see the way you look at him.” She said.
“And how’s that?” He asked defensively.
“Like you love him.” She told him, the scary truth that Armin and Mikasa were
too afraid to say.
“I… But… Is it that obvious?” He sighed, admitting defeat.
“No, I suppose to anyway else it just looks like a caring older brother. But to
me, someone who knows the past, it looks like something more.” She nervously
glanced down at the rippling water in front of her. “It’s not something more is
it?”
Eren knew he should deny it, stop any vicious rumours before they spread but he
was tired of bearing the weight of his actions alone. And if any person was
going to understand it would be Annie, she was the only person who had the same
ties to the past that were impossible to fight and impossible to forget.
But he didn’t need to answer, his silence told a thousand words.
“Oh Eren.” Annie sighed, slipping an arm around his shoulder.
“I’ve fucked up Annie, I really have.” He admitted, letting himself sag into
the embrace. “How could I have done this?”
“Because this isn’t a normal situation, everything from the past makes blurred
lines and we don’t know how to behave properly. We have the mind-set of the
past but we’ve been thrown into this world.” She said.
“I’m pretty sure it was still frowned upon to kiss ten year olds back then
too.” He chuckled bitterly.
“I suppose but Levi wasn’t exactly an innocent little child in the past.” She
shrugged, he knew she was trying to make him feel better but he heard the doubt
in her voice.
“I still should have waited, he knew who I was so why did I act so fast? I
could have given him an extra few years after waiting as long as I had.” He
said.
“But you know this isn’t right, that’s got to count for something right?” Annie
asked.
“Oh yeah, that will go down a treat at the pearly white gates. I know I have
sinned but surely knowing counts for something?” He attempted to joke.
“Well, maybe do as the Catholics do.” She suggested. “Stop your crimes and hope
for forgiveness.”
“Eren.” Levi said, both Annie and Eren looking up to see the boy stood above
them looking thoroughly unimpressed.
“Hi Levi, nice to see you again.” Annie smiled up at him.
“Hello.” He frowned, probably not remembering when they had last met. “Eren, I
want to go home.”
“What happened to Mike?” He asked, spinning around and feeling Annie’s arm slip
off his shoulder.
“He had to leave.” He shrugged, despite the fact that they could see Mike still
stood in the queue for the slides.
“Okay.” Eren said, giving him a confused look.
“Can we go?” Levi snapped, before turning on his heel and heading towards the
exit.
“Good luck.” Annie joked as Eren climbed out the pool.
“Thanks.” He laughed.
“I see he hasn’t lost his infamous temper.” She called as she quickly began her
laps again.
…
Eren could barely keep up with Levi as he practically ran straight past the
lockers and towards the changing rooms. He glanced over his shoulder to check
Eren was behind him before heading into a family unit.
Eren sighed and gathered their clothes and towels from the locker, then
followed after him. Wondering just what had caused the sudden strop. He walked
into the changing room to see Levi sat on the corner bench, hunched over and
staring at the floor.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, locking the door after him.
“Nothing.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to go home.”
“But you were having fun.” Eren sighed, wishing he could see what was going
through Levi’s head.
“So?” He snapped with a pout.
Rolling his eyes, Eren walked over to Levi and wrapped his towel around his now
shivering shoulders. But the other boy made no attempts to move, instead just
let it hang uselessly over his shoulders. Eren began to dry himself off,
knowing when he was ready Levi would talk.
And he was proved right because just as he was finishing drying his hair Levi
voiced the question in his mind.
“Who was she?”
Eren didn’t have to ask Levi to elaborate, he knew exactly which ‘she’ he was
referring to, but why she would bother Levi so much he couldn’t place.
“Annie.” He said simply. “You met her at the fair.”
“I don’t remember.” Levi shrugged, Eren had to bite his tongue to stop himself
saying he might have done if he’d spent more time with him and less running off
with Erwin. But this wasn’t about him, it was about making Levi happy again.
He crossed the room and sat beside the other boy, rubbing his shoulders through
the towel. They sat in silence for a while as Levi chewed on his lip, obviously
debating what to say next.
“Sometimes Hange and Erwin hold hands, I think they have even kissed a little.”
Levi said.
“Right.” Eren nodded, not entirely sure of the relevance.
“It’s weird and I told Mummy about it, but she said when I am older I will want
to kiss girls too.” He wrinkled his nose as if the idea was foreign and
horrible for him.
“Okay.” He frowned, he knew Raquel hadn’t meant any harm with her comment but
she had potentially created a sexuality crisis in her son at a very young age.
It wouldn’t be such a problem if he hadn’t been forced into a homosexual
relationship.
Eren brought his hand up to his head and rubbed, hoping it would get rid of
these horrible voices.
“But Eren is older.” Levi said softly. “So Eren wants to kiss girls.”
“Oh.” He said dumbly.
So that was the issue, he was worried that Eren was interested in Annie, he
almost wanted to laugh at the stupidity of the idea. But he decided it wouldn’t
go down well with the other boy.
“I don’t want to kiss girls.” Eren tried to reassure him, placing a gentle hand
on Levi’s shoulder.
“Then why was she hugging you?” He snapped, shucking the hand off.
“Look Levi, there is no need to be jealous she is just a friend.” He smiled,
even if he did feel exactly the same every time Erwin so much as looked at
Levi.
“I’m not jealous.” He crossed his arms. “You can kiss her for all I care.”
Eren had to hide a smile behind his hand, Levi was always terrible at sharing
his feelings. If anyone ever called him out on anything he’d snap, he’d get
defensive and try to blame it all on the other person. What he didn’t realise
it just made the hidden feelings all the more obvious.
“I don’t want to kiss her.” He denied and despite all of Annie’s words buzzing
around his head he couldn’t stop the next words from tumbling from his lips. “I
only want to kiss you.”
“Tch.” Levi snorted. “Prove it.”
Eren knew he should prove it with words, explain to Levi everything that was in
his heart. That it skipped whenever their eyes met, that his smile threatened
to break his face when he was near Levi, that as childish as the tapping nose
system was he adored it all the same.
But instead he found himself moving until he was kneeling on the floor in front
of Levi, leaning his face up to reach the younger boys.
“Okay.” He whispered. “I’ll prove it.”
He quickly pressed their lips together, soft and simple but still showing all
the love that Eren had flowing through his veins. He pulled away slightly to
kiss his nose, sharing love through their secret sign, Levi giggled before
kissing Eren on the lips again.
This time Eren didn’t hold back, he allowed himself to gently suckle on Levi’s
lower lip and god how he hated himself for becoming aroused at the moan he
earned. Levi’s hands slowly made their way into his hair as the kisses got
deeper and passionate. Eren was quick to follow, letting his fingers slip
around Levi’s waist and slide into the top of his trunks.
Levi whimpered as the hands squeezed and caressed his skin, arching his back
into the touch out of instinct rather than understanding. Eren smirked into the
kiss, loving how easily he still controlled Levi’s body, it craved his touch
and would do anything to get it.
Abruptly, Levi pulled away, cheeks flushed and eyes shining in embarrassment.
“What’s wrong?” Eren asked, frowning as Levi leaned away from him.
“We have to stop now.” He pouted avoiding meeting Eren’s gaze.
“Why?”
“Because.”
It was subtle but Eren noticed Levi’s gaze flick down before settling back on
the wall. He followed the look and found the source of the embarrassment, it
was right in front of him, straining against Levi’s trunks.
“It’s okay, that’s normal.” Eren reassured.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Levi bit his lip, cheeks burning.
“Really?” He smirked, moving his hand to trace the outline of Levi’s hard cock.
The small boy shuddered at the touch, it felt so good but it was wrong. At
school teachers always told them that they weren’t allowed to touch themselves
there, and especially not touch somebody else. But yet with Eren he wanted to
throw all the rules out the window, he wanted to touch and be touched in
return.
As if he could read Levi’s mind, Eren slowly lowered the wet trunks, letting
Levi’s dick free to stand proud between them.
“It’s okay, I will take care of it.” Eren whispered, kissing Levi one final
time before leaning back on his haunches.
Eren licked his lips as he looked at the sight in front of him, it might have
been smaller than before but it was just as beautiful. It still curved slightly
to the right, that the ever perfectionist Levi used to furiously deny, it was
as straight as an arrow he insisted – unlike the man himself.
“What are you going to do?” Levi asked, pupils wide in excitement.
“The same thing you did for me the other night.” Eren told him, as if saying
the word blow job would taint Levi’s innocence too much. Even he had to smile
at the irony of the situation.
He licked a slow and purposeful strip from the base to tip, keeping his eyes on
Levi for his reactions. But the way his fingers clenched and his breath hitched
he knew that Levi wanted this as much as he did.
Without a second thought Eren took him inside his mouth, amazed at the ease at
which he did so. Before it had taken weeks to get used to Levi’s size, to stop
choking as he got a little too overzealous. But right now he was small and he
fit inside perfectly.
He supposed it wouldn’t last long, Levi was going to grow but Eren would grow
with him. Getting used to each little spurt in size as it came, developing his
gag reflex a second time.
He swirled his tongue around the head, causing Levi to grip the bench so tight
his knuckles turned white. His breath was panting harshly, echoing around the
spacious changing room.
Eren pulled away with a pop, barely giving Levi a moment to regain himself
before he pumped his hand up and down the length.
“Does it feel good?” He asked Levi.
“Yes.” He gasped. “Better than in the bath.”
Eren smiled as he thought back to the last time he had pleasured Levi, how
scared he had been by these new feelings. But now he was allowing himself to
enjoy, not holding back as he moaned unabashedly.
He quickly took Levi back in his mouth, humming in gratitude as he tasted that
tang of pre-cum. He bobbed his head up and down quickly, just like he knew Levi
liked in the past and if the way his body responded now still liked.
His skin prickled in excitement, hairs standing on ends as Eren worked him,
pink nipples growing harder in the cold air, body trembling as he grew closer
and closer to the limit.
“Ah! Eren!” Levi moaned as two hands snaked around his waist to pinch and
squeeze at pert butt cheeks again.
His hips bucked wildly, wanting desperately to get deeper into the tantalizing
warmth but also loving the abuse they were receiving from behind.
Levi was overwhelmed with sexual sensations, Eren could tell by the way tears
slipped from his eyes. He had never liked to be caught doing so but if Eren was
doing something particularly pleasurable Levi was known to cry during sex. To
Eren it was utterly endearing but to Levi it was downright humiliating.
Levi cried out as the strange feeling began to coil in the pit of his stomach,
everything felt tight and ready to explode at any moment.
Eren knew it was a warning sign, that Levi was nearing his limit so he moved
back. Lapping at the head, tonguing at the slit, letting the sensitive tip slip
in and out of his lips over and over again.
Levi practically wailed as he came, body curling over Eren’s head as pleasure
shock him from his very core, spurts of hot cum shooting down the older boy’s
throat.
Eren let Levi lay on top of him as he cleaned up with his tongue, making sure
to have every last drop of what was offered to him, not wanting to waste a
single bead.
…
They were walking towards the car when suddenly Levi dashed off again, leaving
Eren in his dust.
“Levi.” Eren groaned, chasing after the child. “What are you doing?”
But Levi didn’t stop, still running until he was at the corner of the car park
and next to the puddle that had developed with the on and off rain from the
day. Eren could practically hear Levi’s mind work and knew he had to act fast.
“Levi!” He shouted. “Don’t you dare!”
But it was too late, Levi leapt forward and into the puddle with a huge splash.
He laughed loudly as he jumped around in the water, watching droplets fly
through the air and land with a ripple.
“Come jump with me!” Levi instructed, holding his hand out to Eren.
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to ruin my shoes.”
“They will dry.” Levi whined. “Please!”
Eren laughed softly to himself, it amazed him how quickly Levi could change. Go
from the sensual boy who had kissed him in the changing rooms to the innocent
child jumping in puddles. At times like these Eren was almost convinced it was
all his imagination and he had never touched Levi, it was all a sweet dream.
Levi was obviously getting displeased with being ignored because he jumped
closer to Eren, watching with satisfaction as the water sprayed his feet.
“Hey!” Eren shouted indignantly.
“Now you have no excuse.” Levi grinned cheekily at him.
Admitting defeat Eren jumped, letting his feet get soaked as he pranced around
in the water with Levi. Levi smiled as he grabbed Eren’s hand and dragged him
around the puddle, making sure no part was untouched.
“Hey kid, I think that’s enough.” Eren warned, eyeing up the dark clouds.
“Why?” He pouted just as the first spots started to fall.
“I think it’s going to pour.”
Eren pulled Levi’s hand and they ran back to car, Eren frantically searching
for his keys to get them in the dry before the storm.
And luck seemed to be on their side as they fell into the car just as the
heavens opened. Levi watched the rain splatter against the glass, tracing the
drops with his fingers.
“The sun is still shining.” Levi stated.
“Yeah.” Eren agreed as he changed out his shoes, he was not driving home in
soggy soaks. “And there’s the rainbow.”
Levi nodded as he followed the arch with his hand.
“That means someone has found their true love.” Levi said with a smile.
“What does? The rainbow?” He asked.
“Uh huh.” He nodded. “Mummy said every time you see a rainbow in the sky
somebody has just fallen in love. But not with just anybody, their special
someone they will spend the rest of their life with.”
“Really?” Eren smiled. “Now I never knew that.”
“Stupid Eren.” Levi muttered.
“Sorry.” He apologised.
Eren put his seatbelt on and pulled out the carpark, watching Levi turn in his
seat so he could always see the rainbow.
“Hey Eren?” Levi asked.
“Yeah?”
“I didn’t notice it at the time but I think there was a rainbow in the sky when
we met.” He said shyly.
“Yeah, I think so too.” He agreed, squeezing Levi’s hand softly before
returning it to the wheel.
Eren didn’t think it was possible but he loved Levi even more. He was so free
this lifetime, so happy in himself and Eren adored that. He hadn’t grown cold
from years of hardship and torture, life was still a blank canvas for the
taking.
A blank canvas that you have torn and disfigured.
Eren winced as he almost ran a red light, feet slamming down on the breaks. Why
couldn’t he just be free from this torment? Just love Levi in the way he
wanted.
***** Chapter 13 *****
I will be on my best behaviour. I will not touch Levi. I will be on my best
behaviour. I will not touch Levi. I will be on my best behaviour. I will not
touch Levi.
Eren grumbled this mantra over and over to himself as he drove to Levi’s house,
another weekend alone was just another chance for him to lose control.
But he wouldn’t, he would be strong. Their love was deeper than a physical
connection, it seemed he had forgotten that over the past few months. Being
with Levi was enough to satisfy the longing inside him, it just had to be.
He wasn’t allowed to make mistakes anymore, just one slip up and it would be a
lifetime in jail. No Levi and no freedom, once again. And he would not let his
life fall into those categories.
But despite himself his pulse still quickened as he turned into the familiar
road, his palms sweating as he imagined Levi’s sweet smile. He just wished he
could be stronger.
Levi had been stronger, he’d rejected Eren’s various attempts at seduction when
their relationship had still been new. At the time he’d been frustrated and
ridiculously horny when Levi would leave him night after night, painfully hard
in his boxers.
The first six months of their relationship had passed by in a flurry of rutting
and masturbation but when they finally had sex Eren knew it had been worth the
wait. His whole body felt alive, sparking and buzzing from every touch, each
roll of pleasure bloomed until it consumed him.
He’d just wished he had had an ounce of the restraint Levi had then perhaps
none of this would have happened.
…
When Eren let himself inside the usually calm house seemed in complete chaos,
frantic footsteps ran around upstairs as discarded bags littered the hallway.
“Eren!” A voice shouted, running out the kitchen and into his arms.
“Hey Levi.” He smiled, scooping the boy off the floor.
Before he had a chance to set Levi back on the floor he was pulled into a kiss,
his eyes wide as he checked for any signs of Raquel. The smaller boy seemed
completely unfazed, confident as he pressed for a deeper kiss.
“Where’s mummy?” Eren asked, pulling away breathlessly.
“Packing.” He shrugged, wriggling to indicate he wanted to return to the floor.
“Right, okay.” He nodded, hands still shaking. He knew that, he heard her
running about. He needed to be calmer, if she came down seeing him this shaken
she’d know something would be wrong.
“Levi!” Raquel shouted, finally coming down the stairs. “Where is my eye
liner?”
“On my desk.” He answered, Eren wondering what possible purpose a ten year old
would have for eye liner.
“I looked and it wasn’t there.” She gave him a tight-lipped smile, Eren easily
telling she was seconds away from snapping. Levi, unfortunately hadn’t got this
memo.
“Then it moved.” He told her, clearly having lost interest in the missing eye
liner.
“Could you go and find it please?” She asked, frowning when he made no attempts
to move. “Now.”
“Fine.” Levi sighed, stomping up the stairs.
“Hi Eren.” She smiled, finally acknowledging the boy. “He and Erwin were cats
last night, apparently they needed whiskers.”
“Right, of course.” He nodded, as if that explanation made anything clearer.
“Do you want a drink?” She asked, heading towards the kitchen.
“Sure.” He agreed, awkwardly dodging the bags that littered the floor – you
wouldn’t believe Raquel would only be gone for one night.
She boiled the kettle in silence as Eren searched his mind for something to
say, he realised since he got the job he was very rarely alone with Raquel.
Levi was usually nearby, holding onto some loose item of clothing Eren was
wearing and demanding the attention of both adults.
“I am sorry Eren.” She smiled softly, placing the cup in front of the boy.
“For what?” He frowned, burning his tongue despite blowing before he took the
first sip.
“For constantly taking away your weekend.” She admitted sheepishly. “I know
you’d probably prefer to be out with your friends.”
“It’s fine.” He disagreed. “I love spending time with Levi.”
They shared a small smile, united by their shared adoration of the small boy.
Even if one was somewhat deeper than the other.
“I’m really glad I met you.” Raquel said.
“Thanks.” Eren laughed at the unexpected compliment.
“It’s nice for Levi to have a father figure again. I know you’re young but Levi
really looks up to you. He completely adores you.”
“Well I…” Eren trailed off, what could he say? I adore him too. Even if she
took it as a father/son love it was still a bit heavy. “I’m very fond of him
too.”
“Of course, he’s quite the little charmer.” She winked. “Going to be a real
ladies man when he grows up, very good at sweet talking people into getting his
way.”
“Don’t I know it.” He laughed, least half of what she was assuming would come
true.
“You know, he told me a secret the other day.” She gave him a sly look over her
coffee.
“Did he?” Eren stuttered.
“Oh yeah, told me you and he were in love. But of course I wasn’t allowed to
tell anyone.” She smirked.
“Oh.” His eyes widened. “Well, I didn’t… I mean… He…”
“Pay it no worry Eren.” She laughed. “He’s only a kid, he doesn’t mean it like
that.”
“Right, of course.” He blushed, downing his still slightly too hot drink.
Despite the scolding liquid slipping down his throat he felt like cold water
had been poured over him. His little secrets with Levi weren’t quite as secret
as he thought, of course they wouldn’t be. Levi didn’t understand the true
repercussions of their relationship, what it would mean for him, what it would
mean for Eren.
“I found it!” Levi announced, holding the pencil high in the air as he rushed
into the room – complete with cat nose and whiskers.
“You’re a star!” Raquel gushed, taking the pencil and heading towards her bag.
Levi looked at Eren and mewled softly, waving his hands above his eyes as
makeshift ears.
In that moment Levi looked as young as his ten years, not a 30 plus man trapped
inside his body. Simply a boy. No amount of past lives, past love, could ever
make their relationship truly acceptable.
“Adorable.” Eren laughed, gently ruffling Levi’s hair. The young boy smiled at
the compliment before heading out to his mum.
As Eren watched another goodbye filled with hugs and kisses he felt sick to his
stomach. He wanted to cry and hold Levi, repeat over and over how sorry he was.
Instead he stood still, swearing to himself he would never touch Levi again,
but as the boy turned to him and tapped his nose in their secret symbol even he
doubted himself.
…
Eren almost wanted to pat himself on the back, it was nine o’clock, he had made
it through the day. There had been no kisses, there had been no inappropriate
touching, there had been no sexual activities. It had been a completely
innocent day with completely innocent events, colouring, games, play fights.
Nothing that a normal ten year old shouldn’t do.
And if the way Levi was practically crashed out beside him was anything to go
by this would continue to be a successful day. He just had to keep it up for
the next six years or live with a guilty conscious.
He laughed softly at the TV, he wasn’t entirely sure it was an appropriate TV
show for a ten year old but as Levi was currently falling asleep against his
shoulder he was sure it would be okay.
“Eren?” Levi asked, looking up at the other boy with side eyes.
“Yeah?” He replied, expecting a simple request to go to bed.
“What’s sex?” The question practically knocked all the breath out of Eren. It
was definitely not where he was expecting this conversation to go.
“Erm, why do you ask?” He questioned awkwardly, he wasn’t sure what Levi
already knew on the subject and what would be an appropriate answer for a
child.
“They were talking about it.” He shrugged, gesturing to the couple on the TV.
“Oh right.” Eren berated himself for letting Levi be exposed to such things –
not that it was anything compared to the stuff he had introduced Levi to.
“It’s… Well it’s kinda like… It’s a game?”
“A game?” Levi frowned, as if the boy didn’t believe there could possibly be a
game that he didn’t know about.
“Yeah, but a special game.” He offered, quickly deciding a career as a biology
teacher would be out of the question.
“What makes it so special?” He asked, clearly Eren wasn’t going to get out of
this easily.
“Well, you can only do it if you’re in love.” He said, but as he saw Levi’s
eyes light up at the words he knew it was the wrong thing to say.
“We’re in love, can we play sex?” He grinned.
“No! We can’t.” He said sternly, hoping for once in his life Levi would just
take no for an answer.
“Why not?” He pouted.
“Because I said so.”
“Please Eren!” He whined but the older boy stayed strong.
At least until Levi climbed into his lap, bouncing up and down with every
begged please, his small buttocks uncontrollably arousing Eren’s dick.
“Levi, I’ve already told you.” He groaned, despite himself.
“But I really want to.” He pleading, changing his bouncing tactic to kisses.
As he felt soft lips on his skin Eren felt himself crumbling, his mind shutting
down and just focusing on Levi. Not his age, not his innocence just the man he
loved. He moaned as small hands reached under his shirt and gently caressed his
stomach, even after all these years Levi knew exactly where to touch.
“Okay.” Eren panted, finally pulling away for air. “We can play.”
“Thank you Eren!” Levi gushed, looking at the other boy expectantly. “How do we
play?”
“We have to go upstairs, we need to play on the bed.” He explained, wishing he
could be more disgusted with the word play falling from his lips. This wasn’t a
game, this was a huge decision, a change in Levi’s life that should not be
taken lightly.
“Of course.” Levi nodded, as if he understood the rules of the game already.
Without another word, Levi jumped off Eren’s lap and grabbed his hand, pulling
until the other boy stood up and the pair went upstairs. His mind screamed at
him to stop but his heart had taken control and it needed Levi now more than
ever.
Once they got into Eren’s room he froze, realising he had no protection or lube
for tonight. He took his shirt off and lay it on the bed, that would at least
help with the clean-up but they still needed lubrication.
“Why did you take your shirt off?” Levi asked.
“Because you need to be naked to play.” He said.
Levi nodded and eagerly shed his clothes, jumping onto the bed to wait for
Eren.
Eren groaned at the sight, Jesus it shouldn’t be as sexy as it was. He was
propped up slightly on his knees, his limp dick hanging between his thighs, his
head innocently tilted to the side.
How many times in the past had he longed for a moment like this? Where he was
completely in control? Where Levi was as his mercy? Sure, he could take on the
role of the dominant one in the bedroom but there was always a slight
resistance, Levi knew what he wanted, what he expected.
But now their relationship was a blank canvas, ready for Eren to take the paint
brush and decide.
“Okay, just wait here I need to get something before we can play.” Eren said,
backing out the room. The last thing he saw was Levi’s obedient nod.
Eren ran into the bathroom, frantically searching for something they could use
as lube. He practically cried in delight when he noticed a bottle of aloe vera
on the side. He grabbed the bottle and rushed back in the room, Levi in the
exact same position as he left him in.
Levi eyed the bottle as it was placed on the bedside table but didn’t question
it.
“Right, I need you to lie down with your hips on my shirt.” Eren told him,
quickly disposing of his own clothes as the boy moved.
“Like this?” He asked, glancing towards the other boy for his approval.
“Good boy.” He complimented, the other boys body growing flushed with
gratitude.
Eren climbed onto the bed and swallowed as he looked down, Levi so gorgeously
sprawled out on the bed in front of him. Waiting, wanting.
He leant down and captured the other’s lips, letting himself enjoy the moment.
Even if it was wrong it felt so good in that moment it was difficult to care.
As they kissed, Eren’s hand reached out and grabbed the aloe, letting the cool
liquid seep onto his fingers.
“This might hurt a little.” He whispered against his lips, hoping to distract
him slightly.
He let his hand slide down Levi’s body, fingers trailing his tight, virgin
hole. He felt Levi tense up slightly at the fingers but he didn’t pull away, he
let Eren stroke, feel, explore.
Levi pulled away with a hiss when the first finger entered, his insides pushing
and fighting the intrusion.
“It’s okay.” Eren cooed, peppering kisses on his skin. “Just relax.”
“I’m not sure I like this game.” Levi whimpered, tears building up in the
corner of his eyes.
“It’s okay, it will feel better.” He reassured, if he could just find the spot.
He smiled in satisfaction as Levi’s body jolted, this time not in pain. He
continued to press into the bundle of nerves as Levi become more aroused and
receptive to the pleasure.
“I changed my mind.” Levi panted. “I really like this game.”
Eren nodded before slipping in another finger, making sure to continually
provide Levi with pleasure as he prepped him. Eren was amazed at how pliant
Levi’s body was, as if it were made to be manipulated in this way, opened to
take everything Eren had to give.
Levi helplessly gripped at the sheets, it wasn’t like anything else they had
ever done. It was more intense somehow, it felt better. It was so intimate, he
could feel Eren inside him, pushing and stretching, he wasn’t sure what the end
result was of this game but he was enjoying it all the same.
He pulled his fingers our when he felt Levi was ready, pouring the aloe on his
own cock and slathering the length. Levi watched him with interest, hole
gasping on air as it longed for the same paradise from before, and Eren was
happy to oblige.
He grit his teeth as he pushed inside, it was so tight, so warm, god it felt so
good. But as he watched a silent scream fall from Levi’s lips he knew the
pleasure was one sided.
“Take it out. Take it out.” He begged, his body burning from the inside out in
pain.
“It’s okay, you will get used to it.” He promised but Levi still tried to
squirm away.
“I don’t want to, I want to stop.” He cried.
“Okay, I’ll pull out.” He whispered, slowly pulling out.
He froze when Levi tightened around him, shouting in pain once again as Eren
remained half inside.
“It’s okay, I’m here Levi. I’m here.” He gingerly wrapped his arms around the
small boy and held him close, letting him cry into his shoulder. “I know it
hurts and I know you’re scared but you have to relax okay? Just take deep
breaths and it will be okay.”
Levi nodded and started breathing, Eren feeling the breaths against his neck.
They started off erratic but slowly he calmed down, he grew accustomed to the
burn and relaxed.
Eren tested the waters by gently rolling his hips, he knew he’d said he would
stop and if Levi was in pain again he would but the heat was too inviting to
refuse, he was too lost in the feeling now to give up.
Levi moaned as Eren hips were angled just right, the pain was quickly blocked
out by the small sparks of pleasure that rippled through him. Taking the small,
breathy gasps as encouragement Eren kept going, revelling in the ecstasy that
his body had previously been denied for so long.
The bed creaked under them, sighing with every thrust that had them both
groaning, bodies twitching and sweating as they moved.
“It feels good.” Levi moaned, pushing his hips back in a desperate attempt for
more.
Eren couldn’t help but smirk at the insatiable child, still so similar to his
past counterpart, but who was he to deny what the boy needed? He moved quicker,
snapping his hips back and forth as Levi cried out.
Levi felt the familiar tightening in his stomach that often came with Eren’s
touch, but it didn’t make sense. He hadn’t touched him therebut yet he still
felt as if he were going to explode.
“Eren… I…” He tried to warn him but the soft whine of his name just fuelled the
other boy. His thrusts became relentless, his cock pushing in and out in a
desperate attempt to reach a joint climax.
Soon the words that came out of Levi’s mouth became a jumbled of sounds and
breaths, no longer intelligible but it was enough for Eren to know he was
close.
With a particularly well aimed thrust to his prostate, Levi came across his own
chest, crying and convulsing as rode out his high. Eren worked him through it,
his own release quickly following as he watched his lover in such pleasure.
Once he felt his cock twitch with the final spurts of cum Eren slowly pulled
back, Levi wincing in overstimulation. He rolled to his side and watched Levi,
the boy completely spent and completely speechless.
“Levi?” Eren panted. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He croaked with a soft smile. “I’m okay.”
They lay in silence for a while afterwards, both catching their breath in
desperate pants, until Levi frowned in disgust.
“Something feels weird.” He complained, reaching down to feel what was leaking
out of him.
“Don’t worry, it’s supposed to happen.” Eren reassured him.
Levi shrugged and decided to trust Eren, turning slightly so he could snuggle
into the other boy. He looked up at Eren with tired eyes and tapped his nose
with a yawn.
“Levi, what we did today has to be a secret.” He warned, returning the gesture.
“I know.” He nodded. “It always is.”
“I mean it. Mummy would be upset if she found out how much we love each other.”
He said, skin prickling as he thought back to his previous conversation with
Raquel.
“She would?” He frowned.
“Yes, a lot of people would. Which is why we can’t tell anyone, okay?” He
asked, Levi biting his lip.
“Okay.” He reluctantly agreed.
“I love you so much Levi.” He said, pressing a kiss on his sweaty crown. “I
don’t want to lose you.”
“I love you too.” Levi replied, eyes drooping as his body finally succumbed to
sleep.
“Sweet dreams.” He whispered but got no response.
Sleep didn’t come so easy for Eren, his mind was whirling from today, both in
excitement and fear. But as much as he regretted what he had done it felt
magical, it felt like they had completed a full cycle of their relationship.
Eren had lost his virginity to Levi twice and he would never change that for
the world.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eren cringed with every gentle breath against his skin, goose bumps prickled
where it touched an others. Flashbacks from last night shot through his mind,
hands on bodies, lips touching, bodies and souls joining.
Levi was underaged, a minor. What they had done was disgusting, it was
unforgivable.
And yet, it was the best night of Eren’s new life.
He needed to feel worse about what he’d done, he needed to hate himself but he
couldn’t.
His heart was swollen with love and happiness. Watching Levi sleep, his
peaceful breathing, he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty.
He knew with time he would, the next evening when he was alone his conscience
would kick in. Picking and pulling the night apart until all he could see was
the ugly truth.
But for now he just wanted to enjoy the love they shared.
He smiled as he noticed Levi coming to, his nose wrinkling and eyes fluttering
open.
“Good morning.” Eren greeted.
“Morning.” Levi grumbled, moving forward to snuggle into Eren.
The older boy laughed and wrapped his arms around his slight frame, pressing a
kiss into his head.
Levi winced slightly as he moved, an unfamiliar ache deep in his bones. But it
was a satisfying ache, an ache he subconsciously enjoyed feeling, an ache he
strangely wouldn’t mind feeling again. He hummed in contentment as he lay in
Eren’s arms, his heart swelling in the knowledge that this is exactly where he
was supposed to be.
“What do you want to do today?” Eren asked, rubbing Levi’s back. Although he
would be more than content to lay in bed all day he knew Levi was restless. He
was full of energy and needed to explore.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Go to the park?”
“Sure.” He agreed.
Levi smiled and let his eyes drift closed again, despite his decision he was
clearly happy to sleep the day away.
“Come on, we need to get breakfast.” Eren teased.
“You can bring it to me in bed.” He smiled cheekily, obviously a treat he got
often from his mum at the weekends.
And Eren, just like Raquel, he could never say no to those stunning eyes.
“Fine.” He agreed with an exaggerated sigh.
He rolled out the bed and threw his trousers on, smiling as Levi buried into
his pillow with a blissed sigh.
With one final glance at his love he headed to the kitchen, knowing if he
didn’t force himself soon he never would leave.
When he got to the kitchen he grabbed his phone that he’d left on the side last
night, surprised by the amount of messages he had.
His friends, his parents, his sibling checking in on him. He grinned as he
replied to the messages, loving how perfect his life was. He’d lost so much
before, watched too many deaths, been left alone too many times but not now.
Now he had all he could ever want, all he dreamed of in his wildest fantasies.
“Eren?” Levi asked, standing in the doorframe in the shirt Eren had left on the
floor. He saw a glimpse of what their future could be in the moment and he
adored it, he yearned for it.
“I thought you were waiting in bed?” He asked, smiling at the adorable boy.
“You were taking too long.” He shrugged, sitting at the table expectantly.
“Right, sorry.” He laughed, turning to the breadbox and grabbing a loaf.
“Toast?”
“Yeah, with cheese!” He grinned, holding the ‘e’ sound.
“Coming up captain.” He saluted, Levi flushed slightly at the name.
As Eren prepared breakfast he wondered if Levi would ever enjoy the nickname,
in the past it had quite a different effect on the man. Nothing melted him into
a puddle quicker than a whispered captain, breathless and sultry in his ear. He
especially loved being pinned to the bed by Eren, helpless under his touch but
still be called captain, reminded that he was the superior.
“Breakfast is served.” Eren announced, placing the plate in front of the boy.
“Thank you.” Levi puckered his lips for a kiss, that Eren did not hesitate
giving him.
Levi filled most of the silence over breakfast, excitedly telling Eren a story
of something that had happened at school that week. In truth, the story didn’t
really capture his attention but the bright smile of the teller did, a sight he
would never get over no matter how many times he saw it.
…
Eren bit his lip as Levi awkwardly shuffled to the park, limping to compensate
for the ache at the base of his spine.
But if he resented Eren for the pain he didn’t show it. He acted the same as he
ever did despite the events that occurred last night, still smiling and
laughing, still tapping his nose lightly in confession.
As soon as they arrived at the park Levi noticed Hanji and ran off as quickly
he could, given the circumstances. He still winced as he moved, his muscles
clearly still sore but he was happy.
Eren sat on a bench and watched the pair with a smile, Hanji’s voice still loud
and carrying on the wind for miles. Levi still pretending she annoyed him but
in truth his eyes sparkled when she looked his way.
As they played he wondered what they would grow up to be, who they would be.
He’d never really considered his own future either, all he could focus on was
Levi and finding him again. But now they were together he could really plan,
there was a bigger picture this time that wouldn’t have the constant looming of
death.
Their lives weren’t pre-determined for them, it wasn’t a case of kill or be
killed anymore. They could be who they wanted to be, live the way they wanted.
But wherever the future ended up taking them he knew they’d be together.
…
Hanji frowned as she watched Levi land with a bump at the bottom of the slide,
his hiss of pain far too much for such a small fall.
She held her hand out and pulled Levi back onto his feet, only she didn’t let
go, she dragged him towards their den.
In truth the den was nothing more than an overgrown tree that’s branches and
leaves grew all the way to the ground. It was slightly scratchy to get inside
but once behind the canopy wall it was spacious and secret. Exactly the reason
Hanji and Levi, along with Mike and Erwin, had claimed it as their own.
“What are we doing here?” Levi asked, sitting down damp undergrowth.
“Something’s wrong with you.” She gave him a once over before sitting beside
him.
“No it’s not.” He denied.
“Yes it is!” She disagreed. “You’re acting weird.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re so weird it’s rubbing off on me.” He teased with no
real malice.
“That’s not even possible.” She giggled.
Levi laughed slightly but their noise was sure to reveal their secret location.
“Please tell me Levi.” She pleaded when her laughter had subsided.
“No.” He shook his head.
“You have to!” Hanji instructed him, giving him a serious look over her
glasses.
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to be a psycho-ologist one day and I can help.” She smiled.
“Plus we’re friends.”
Levi chewed his lip slightly, he knew he shouldn’t really tell anyone, Eren had
warned him over and over that it had to remain a secret but he didn’t
understand why. And Hanji could be trusted, she kept all of his secrets unlike
Erwin who had a tendency to be a bit of a blabber mouth.
With a sigh he held out his finger for Hanji.
“You have to pinkie swear you won’t tell anyone.” He told her seriously.
“Okay.” She nodded eagerly, hooking her finger around his. “It’s part of my
hypnotic oath after all.”
“It’s about Eren.” He whispered, leaning closer to her ear.
“What about him?” She gasped.
“He loves me.” He smiled. “And he gives me lots of kisses.”
“So? Adults give us kisses all the time. It’s because they think we’re cute.”
She rolled her eyes.
“It’s not like Mummy.” He shook his head. “It’s like how you love Erwin.”
“I don’t love Erwin!” She cried, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
“Then how come you’re always kissing him.” Levi teased with a smirk.
“I’m not always kissing him.” She blushed. “Just sometimes.”
“Nope.” He laughed. “Me and Mike always see you kissing on the playground. You
think you’re hidden but we know you’re behind the shed.”
“We’re just talking! I wouldn’t kiss a stinky boy!” She shouted, embarrassed
about her first crush.
Levi giggled at her blush, even if she denied it Erwin had confided in him that
Hanji kisses him whenever they are alone. Not that the blonde is complaining,
he was just as smitten with the girl himself.
But Hanji was keen to change the topic, not quite ready to admit her own
feelings.
“So is Eren your boyfriend?” She asked. “Do you hold hands and stuff?”
“Uh huh.” He nodded with pride. “We do special stuff that makes me feel tingly
all over.”
“Wow.” Hanji whispered, eyes sparkling slightly in awe.
“Levi!” Eren’s voice shouted, he may have seen them sneak into the tree but
he’d play along that they were hidden. “Where are you? It’s time to go home.”
“Coming!” He shouted back. “Remember, pinkie swear to keep it to yourself.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “And you can’t tell anyone I kissed Erwin.”
“Alright,” He nodded, slipping through the leaves to Eren’s side.
…
Eren smiled as he filled up the bathtub, Levi grabbing the necessary
entertainment from the box on the floor.
“Are you coming in too?” Levi asked, pulling his shirt over his head and
ruffling his hair.
“Probably not.” He shrugged, but the way Levi’s face fell he knew it was the
wrong answer.
“Oh.” He pouted, pulling off his trousers and underwear.
“I guess I could for a little bit.” He relented, pulling his own shirt over his
head.
“Good.” Levi smiled, climbing into the half-filled bath. “It’s more fun with
you.”
Eren wasn’t sure if that was meant innocently, just a casual statement that
things were more fun with friends. Or if he was calling back to earlier times
they spent together.
Eren waited until the bath was full and warm before he slid in himself, resting
against the side so Levi could settle between his legs. He mindlessly traced
patterns into Levi’s skin as the boy played a collection of aquatic animals.
The longer they sat in the bath the lower Eren’s hands got until they weren’t
on his arms but had travelled over his stomach and onto his thighs. Levi moaned
slightly at the touch, Eren’s own cock twitched at the sound.
With a sly smirk, Eren moved his hand and gently stroked Levi’s cock, the
length quickly turning hard under his touch.
“Eren.” He gasped, hips bucking uncontrollably into the touch.
“Levi.” He replied, pressing soft kisses into his wet skin.
The boy moaned and writhed under the touch, his noises enough to make Eren
hard. With his spare hand he moved his own dick, lining it up with Levi’s
cheeks, grinding and rubbing against the heat.
“It’s good.” Levi moaned, letting his head roll back against Eren’s shoulder.
Eren watched him as he brought them both pleasure, loving the moans that
spilled from his lips. The way his chest rose and fell with his pants. The way
his hands gripped the side of the tub in a desperate need for purchase.
“God Levi.” Eren growled, his hips faltering as he grew closer to his release,
and if the way the dick in his hand twitched he knew the other boy was close
too.
Just like they had done many nights in the past, with shared cries of each
other’s names they came together.
Levi slumped against Eren with a blissed out smile, carefully taking his hand
and threading their fingers together.
“I love you Levi.” Eren whispered into his ear.
“I love you too.” He replied.
Eren used his spare hand to gently stroke Levi’s wet hair, his eyes closing and
his breathing evening out. After a while he knew Levi had fallen asleep but he
didn’t have the heart to move him, not yet. Instead he just held him for a
little longer before the weekend was over and the act would begin again.
Even though he knew their relationship was frowned upon now one day they would
be openly together and he would be proud. Proud to hold Levi’s hand, proud to
show the world their love, proud that he had found a love that lasted over a
lifetime.
Chapter End Notes
     As the saying goes, pride comes before a fall
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Eren woke with a start when he heard the front door slam shut, glancing at the
clock to see it was way past midnight now. Far later than he was used to
staying at Levi’s.
“Sorry hun, did I wake you?” Raquel asked, dropping down onto the sofa with a
frazzled sigh.
“No, I was just resting my eyes.” He lied, and the look the woman shot him
showed she didn’t believe him.
“It’s fine.” She smiled. “I understand, I said I’d be back at 10.”
“Rough trip?” He asked, stretching his back with a moan.
“Yeah, an accident and they’ve closed some roads for road works. Why they think
it is more convenient to do it at night is beyond me.” She rolled her eyes,
still grumpy from her trip.
“You’d disagree if they tried to do them during rush hour.” He yawned.
“I suppose so.” She reluctantly nodded.
“Right, I better head off.” Eren said, forcing himself to stand up, his own bed
was really calling him.
“Sure, before you go there’s something I need to tell you.” She said, turning
to look at him.
“Okay, what’s up?” He asked nervously, hating how on edge he felt every time he
was in a room with her.
“I’m going to take tomorrow off work, I’m shattered and haven’t seen enough of
my little prince recently.” She smiled lovingly at the thought of her son.
“Alright.” He nodded, even if he did prefer to be alone with Levi it wouldn’t
be too bad if Raquel was there, Levi knew to keep their love a secret.
“So you can take the day off.”
“Oh.” He said stupidly, of course Raquel wouldn’t need him around if she wasn’t
working, she was quite capable of taking care of her son alone.
“Kind of a repayment for making you work the weekend.” She laughed.
“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” He shrugged.
“What did I do to deserve a star like you?” She asked.
“Must have been good in a previous life.” He teased.
“Ah, you’ve been spending too much time with Levi if you believe in past
lives.” She giggled, Eren joined in but it was half-hearted. Raquel would never
understand their dreams.
…
Eren impatiently tapped his pencil against the side of his desk, the teacher at
the front droning on about compound fractions. He really questioned the
importance of school, sure he knew it was to help him get a career, strive in
the future. But he’d managed to save a civilisation without even being able to
read, so how good could an education really be?
He glanced at the clock and smiled when he realised he had less than an hour
less of this torture then he’d be free. But what did he really have to rush
home for now? He wouldn’t be going to see Levi today and it was so long since
he’d seen his friends he was sure they’d forgotten what he looked like.
He hadn’t meant to become so obsessed with Levi, especially with the huge age
gap but it had happened all the same. He was like a drug to Eren, all he could
think about, all he dreamt about, all he wanted. And after that first hit he
could never see himself giving him up.
He remembered how annoyed Mikasa had been before, always thinking their love
was foolish and irritating. She’d practically gag when Eren would go on and on
about Levi, all hours of the day, the only time he wasn’t talking about him he
was with him.
And he knew Armin felt the same, sure he was quieter about it, more polite, but
Eren could see it in his eyes. Especially when Eren went into far too much
detail about their sex life, but he was young and excited, he found it hard to
keep it to himself.
He was quite impressed he’d managed to do it this time around, it was probably
the looming threat of the law.
“Eren.” His teacher’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“Yes?” He asked, cringing slightly at the look she was giving him.
“Care to answer my question?” She frowned.
“Erm, not particularly.” He mumbled, shrinking down further into his seat.
“Wrong answer Mr Jaeger, try again.” She smirked.
“Erm…” He glanced at Armin, trying to work out the number he was mouthing at
him. “2/5?”
“Well done Armin, you answered that without even using your voice.” She rolled
her eyes but wrote Eren’s answer down anyway.
Eren shot a grateful smile at Armin, seemed he hadn’t completely lost all his
friends just yet, even the others were really losing their patience with him.
…
Levi sat on the bottom step, watching the door impatiently as he waited. Eren
was usually here by now, he always arrived before his mum had to leave and that
was in ten minutes.
He hoped he hadn’t done something to upset Eren, he was sure he’d done
something wrong. Everything he did with Eren was new and different, and part of
him felt like they’d done it before in their past life but he still didn’t know
what he was doing. Not properly anyway.
What if Eren blamed him for his inexperience? What if he found someone better,
someone older? Levi couldn’t stand it if he left, if he didn’t get to see Eren
everyday he knew it would be torture.
Maybe it was that girl, he couldn’t remember her name but he saw her in his
mind. She was important to Eren but he wasn’t sure why, he knew they were close
but was it similar to the relationship they’d once had? She had a gift from
him, one from when they were just children. They were closer than Levi and Eren
had ever been so perhaps he’d left him for her this time.
But Eren wouldn’t do that to him. They loved each other, they did special
things together, Eren would stay with him forever. Wouldn’t he?
“Mum?” Levi called out when his own thoughts became too much for him.
“Yes sweetie?” She asked, walking out the kitchen with a cup of tea and a hot
chocolate, still dressed in her casual clothes. Levi frowned slightly at that.
“Where’s Eren?” He whined.
“He’s not coming today.” She smiled, handing him the hot chocolate.
“Why?” His eyes widened, maybe he had been right all along. Eren was bored with
him.
“Because I’m not going to work today.” She smiled. “Just you and me tonight.”
“Oh.” He pouted, taking a sip of his drink.
“Am I not good enough?” Raquel joked, sitting beside her grumpy son on the
stairs.
“I just miss Eren, that’s all.” He shrugged, blushing slightly at his
confession.
“But you saw him all weekend and I haven’t seen you at all.” She sighed
dramatically, leaning her head on Levi’s own.
“I guess.” He agreed.
“I missed you Levi.” She moaned, wrapping her arms around him. “I just love you
so much Levi, why don’t you love me Levi?!”
“Mum.” He giggled as she tickled his sides, trying hard not to spill his hot
chocolate. “Stop it.”
“Not until you tell me you love me.” She laughed, still holding on tightly to
the squirming boy.
“Alright, alright.” He relented. “I love you!”
“And don’t you forget it.” She nodded, sitting up. “So what do you want to do
slugger?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Maybe make a cake?”
“Hmm, I think I might have some Ferrero Rocher’s in the cupboard, so we could
make Ferrero Rocher cupcakes.” She suggested, knowing these were her son’s
favourite treats.
“Yeah!” He nodded eagerly. “Let’s make them!”
Without waiting for a response Levi shoved his hot chocolate into Raquel’s
hands and ran up the stairs.
“The kitchen is the other way.” She shouted after him.
“I need to wash my hands first!” He replied as if it were obvious.
“Of course.” She rolled her eyes, her little clean freak.
…
Eren stared at his fingers, finding a particular interest in his flaky nails
and peeling skin. He knew he should be paying attention to the conversation
going on around him but all he could think about was Levi.
“What do you think Eren?” Armin asked, forcing him to get involved.
“Oh... erm… whatever you just said.” He shrugged.
“You weren’t listening were you?” He shook his head fondly.
“Nope.”
“What is your problem?” Mikasa asked, throwing a pillow at his head.
“Nothing.” He grumbled, hugging the pillow to his chest.
“Yes there is.” She rolled her eyes. “We never see you and when we do you’re in
a shit mood.”
“I am not in a shit mood.” He defended himself with a glare.
“Yes you are!” She laughed in disbelief. “You’ve been pouting for the better
part of an hour!”
“I hate to say it but she’s right.” Armin bit his lip.
“Since when did you two start ganging up on me?” He complained.
“We’re not ganging up on you, drama queen.” Mikasa smirked.
“Why you in such a bad mood anyway?” Armin asked.
“No reason.”
“It’s Levi isn’t it?” Mikasa cut to the chase.
“No.” He shook his head but he knew they could both read the truth behind his
eyes.
“Jesus Eren! This obsession has got to stop.” She shouted.
“It is not an obsession, it’s just a job.” He lied.
“Okay, it’s just a job is it?” She asked.
“Mikasa.” Armin warned.
“We need more waiters at work, fewer hours and more cash. Why don’t you take
it?” She dared him with a raised eyebrow.
“I can’t just leave Raquel in the lurch like that.” He sighed.
“Convenient.” She snapped.
“Look just get off my back, I’m not hurting anyone, I’m not doing any harm. So
just drop it!” He shouted.
Armin awkwardly glanced between the two siblings, both stood up from their
seats, noses practically pressed together and hands clenched into fists at
their sides. After growing up with the stubborn pair this stance was nothing
new but he still wasn’t comfortable with it.
“Really? Can you honestly say you’re not doing any harm?” She hissed.
“Yes.” He glared, spinning on his heel and leaving the room. He didn’t need to
justify himself to the likes of Mikasa, she wouldn’t understand anyway.
Once he was in his room he dropped onto his bed, he hadn’t meant to so short
with Mikasa but he’d had an afternoon nap with a particularly horrible dream of
Levi’s death and was still on edge.
It had been a while since he dreamt of Levi’s death, they were always before
they’d met as if some cruel taunting of what had been. But why were they coming
back?
Was it just a grim reminder of what was to come, that their love was just fated
from the start. Since they’d found each other had a countdown just begun to the
inevitable pain where they lost each other again?
…
Raquel rolled her eyes as she watched Levi lick the frosting covered spoon and
bowl, chocolate around his lips as a gentle reminder of how young her little
boy really was. He may act older, believe he was mature but he was still a
child.
Despite the fact he had wanted to bake he hadn’t really helped at all, he’d
just wanted to lick everything and that was the extent of his involvement.
“How long until they are ready?” He asked, sucking on his sticky fingers.
“They’ve only just gone in.” She laughed in disbelief.
“But I’m hungry now.” He whined.
“Well you will have to wait.” She shrugged, sitting down at the table with him
and starting the timer.
Levi glared at her as if that would somehow speed up the process of baking, for
a short while she stared back. But she knew she could never beat Levi in a game
of stubbornness, instead she gave up and decided to change the subject.
“So what did you do with Eren this weekend?” She asked, the way his eyes lit up
she knew she had won.
“Special, secret things.” He grinned.
“Like what?” She whispered.
“I’m not allowed to tell you.” He sung, lightly tapping his nose.
“Why not?” She cried in fake outrage.
“Eren says mummy will be mad if she finds out.” He explained.
Suddenly the atmosphere changed in the room, it was no longer a joke. That was
not something a normal babysitter would say, alarm bells rang in Raquel’s mind.
She gestured to her lap, automatically wrapping her arms around Levi when he
moved closer.
“Levi, tell me what you do when you’re alone with Eren.” She said.
Levi shook his head slightly, avoiding looking her in the eye.
“Please.” She begged, trying to keep the desperation out her voice.
“Sometimes we kiss.” He admitted, Raquel’s blood turning cold. “Not like how I
kiss Mummy but proper kisses. And Eren touches me.”
“Where?” She asked, getting a simple point down to his crotch in return. “What
else?”
She felt the tears pricking the back of her eyes, she’d never dreaded anything
as much as she dreaded his answer.
“Because we love each other so much Eren let us have sex this weekend. It hurt
a bit but I love Eren so it’s okay.” He told her, finally looking up and
noticing the tears pouring down his mother’s cheeks. “Mummy? You are mad with
me aren’t you? I’m sorry Mummy!”
“No baby, I’m not mad with you.” She pulled him closer, burying his face in her
neck. “You’ve done nothing wrong, I promise Mummy is not mad at you.”
She gently stroked his hair, rocking them back and forth as she sobbed, Levi
too confused to question.
She could not believe she had let this happen, let some stranger into her
house, trusted him completely while he violated her son. Her poor precious
Levi, his whole life had been ruined all because she’d been neglectful, tried
to get away with a cheaper carer. She would never forgive herself, for as long
as she lived.
She wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, rocking on the hard dining room
chair until the timer echoed out in the otherwise quiet room. But she didn’t
move, she couldn’t move instead she just held Levi close, never wanting to let
go despite the smell of burning filling the kitchen
Chapter End Notes
     Sorry it’s so short! But I had to end it there rather than continue,
     you know for the drama! And sorry it's taken so long for this update!
     I have no excuses except lack of motivation and sheer laziness
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
     The grand finale! Sorry it’s a little shorter than usual
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Eren whistled as walked towards his car, school forgotten as he twirled his
keys around his fingers. Sure yesterday had been hard, a day away from Levi was
almost more than he could bear, especially after such a full on weekend. But
they had today, and they would always have tomorrow.
As he turned his car on a familiar tune filled the air, he quickly flicked the
volume up before pulling out his parking space.
“I was left to my own devices. Many days fell away with nothing to show.” He
sung as he pulled out the car park, waving at a couple of people from his
classes who he’d never cared to learn the name of.
“And the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love. Great clouds roll
over the hills bringing darkness from above.” He drummed his fingers against
his steering wheel.
Eren had always felt a connection to this song, it reminded him of the past.
How difficult life had once been for him, how he’d fought just to survive. But
he needed to stop dwelling on the past, not when he knew there was such a
bright future. No more battles, no more obstacles, just happiness.
“But if you close your eyes does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes does it feel like you’ve been here before?” He
danced in his chair as he turned down Levi’s street, his heart fluttering in
anticipation.
He knew it was ridiculous to get this excited over someone you got to see daily
but he was addicted. He always would be, in this lifetime and the next. He
would always love Levi, always completely adore him. And he just hoped Levi
would feel the same way.
“How am I gonna be an optimist about this?” He sung lowly as he turned off his
car, whistling the tune under his breath as he walked towards the door.
He let himself into the house and was soon unsettled by how quiet it was.
Usually he could hear Raquel get ready with her radio playing, or Levi would be
playing on his Xbox. But there was no noise, not even a creak of somebody
walking around upstairs.
“Hello?” Eren called out, audibly swallowing.
It felt familiar, he had flashbacks to Mikasa. How quiet her house had been,
the only sound was his own breathing and footsteps. But this life was
different, it was purer. Nothing went wrong, please keep that flawless record
intact.
Eren jumped when he saw Raquel sat at the kitchen table, her eyes trained to
the door. Her aura was dark and cold but least she was there.
“You scared me.” He said uselessly, his reaction to her would have been enough
of an indicator but he was desperate to break this silence.
“Sit.” She said, pointing to the chair in front of her.
“Erm, where’s Levi?” He asked, trying to defuse the situation.
“That’s not important.” Raquel snapped. Eren flinched at her tone and quickly
sat in the chair.
Raquel didn’t say anything at first, she was thinking hard, as if mentally
preparing herself for what she needed to say. Her whole body was shaking, her
skin looked clammy up close, without makeup she was almost sickly.
“This is a conversation I never thought I’d have to have.” She hissed, finally
looking Eren dead in the eye.
“What’s happened?” He frowned.
“Don’t you dare play dumb with me.” She shouted, the sound echoing off the
walls. “I trusted you Eren and this is how you repay me?”
“I… I don’t understand.” He stuttered. He understood exactly what she was
talking about but what he didn’t understand was how she had found out. Levi had
promised, they both had, to keep everything a secret. Just between them.
“You took advantage of an impressionable child, filled his head with crap about
being in love just so you could violate him.” She spat. “You knew how
suggestable he was, I confided in you about his obsessions with his supposed
past life so you could help him not so you could use it in your twisted games.”
“Look Raquel, please let me explain!” Eren begged.
“Oh, this I would like to hear.” She scoffed, crossing her arms.
“All of Levi’s dreams are real, I know because I have them too.” He said.
“Don’t even try to pull this shit with me, that may have worked on my innocent
Levi but it won’t stand with me.” She growled, eyes darting around as if she
was looking for something to throw at him.
“I know it’s hard to understand but I swear to you it’s the truth. Back then
Levi was my corporal, he was the elder of us and we were lovers. And I know
that doesn’t excuse what I did, believe me I know it’s sick and wrong but to me
Levi was never a child. He was always the man I once knew. And the fact we both
remember must mean something, like we were meant to be together.” He explained,
hoping his raw honesty would be enough.
Raquel was silenced for a moment, taking in what Eren had said, assessing him.
His eyes pleaded with her, wishing she would believe him, just understand why
he had behaved so inexcusably. His palms were sweating, his heart beating in
double time. She had to understand, she had to believe him. Or else what would
that mean for Eren? What would that mean for his and Levi’s love?
“I knew you were a pervert but I didn’t realise you were deluded as well.” She
shook her head.
“What? No!” He tried to defend. “I love him.”
“No you don’t, I love him! I love him and I left him with you. Do you have any
idea what it felt like for him to tell all the foul things you did to him?
Because if you really loved him you would have never touched him.” She slammed
her hand on the table. “You’ve ruined his whole life, do you understand that?
He was a child and you forced him to do things his mind and body weren’t ready
for.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” Eren bit his lip, tears forming in his eyes. He was too
busy thinking of himself that he never considered how it would change Levi’s
life.
“You ruined him!” She cried. “He trusted you, he loved you and you abused him.
How could you do that to him?”
“I’m so sorry. I will do anything to make this right. Please!” He begged.
“Just go, leave us so Levi can have some hope of a normal life.” She rubbed her
eyes angrily.
“And then what?” He swallowed, knowing others wouldn’t look too kindly on what
he’d done.
“I won’t be taking this to court if that’s what you mean. Don’t think I am
doing this for you, I don’t want to drag Levi through that, he’s been through
enough thanks to you.” She sighed. “Eren, I don’t think you’re a bad kid, you
just made an extremely bad decision. Go, get some medical help but I don’t want
to see you again.”
“Can I at least say goodbye to Levi?” He asked, already knowing the answer as
Raquel rose up from the table.
“I don’t think that would be appropriate.” She said.
Eren nodded solemnly, following Raquel as she walked towards the door. Part of
him wished he had known that the weekend was the last time he’d see Levi he
would have savoured it more. Appreciate all the small things that Levi did that
made him unique, the same things that he’d loved in the past.
What a cruel fate that their love was destined to fail, in this life and the
past. He didn’t want to give up on Levi again, he wanted to keep him by his
side forever but he knew he couldn’t. There was a saying that once said if you
love someone you have to let them go and hope they find their way back to you.
“Goodbye Eren.” She dismissed him, opening the front door.
“Goodbye.” He replied, dropping his spare keys into her hand. “Thank you.”
But what if Levi didn’t come back?
“I’m not doing it for you, I’m trying to protect what little childish innocence
my prince has left.” She muttered, harshly shutting the door and shutting Eren
out.
As he walked to his car he knew he was lucky, he could have lost the rest of
his life to a prison sentence but was it worth it? What good was a life without
Levi in it?
He walked around to his car door when he noticed a small bundle sat on the
road, leaning against the metal and chewing their lip.
“Hey Levi.” Eren said, tears pricking the backs of his eyes as he sat beside
him.
“I’m sorry I told Mummy.” Levi sobbed, throwing himself against Eren and
holding him around his neck. “You were right, she did get upset.”
“You did nothing wrong.” Eren assured, soothingly rubbing Levi’s back.
“Mummy said she was going to call the police but I said no.” He shook his head
furiously. “I would never get you into trouble.”
“Listen Levi, we can’t see each other for a while.” He pulled back slightly,
brushing the tears from Levi’s soft cheeks.
“Can we see each other again next month?” He asked.
“No, sorry Levi.” He shook his head.
“Please Eren! Don’t leave me!” He screamed, grabbing onto to Eren again. “I
didn’t mean to make you upset. I’m sorry! Please stay.”
“I can’t, when you’re older you’ll understand why I had to go.” He swallowed, a
lump rising up in his throat.
“You promised! You promised we’d always be together.” Levi cried.
“And we will Levi, even if we’re far apart we’ll always be together in our
dreams.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss into Levi’s crown.
“Levi?!” Raquel’s distressed voice called out, obviously just noticing his
disappearance.
“You have to go back to Mummy now.” Eren told him, trying to detangle his arms
from around him.
“No!” Levi shouted, loud enough for Raquel to hear. “If I let go you will leave
me forever.”
“Get off him!” Raquel exclaimed, grabbing Levi and roughly pulling him off, his
hands scratching Eren’s neck as he desperately tried to hold on.
“I may have been lenient because to protect my child but if you ever come near
my family again I will call the police.” Raquel threatened, her eyes narrowing
dangerously.
“I understand.” Eren nodded, standing up. “Goodbye Levi.”
“No.” He shook his head, fighting to free himself from his mother’s hold. “If I
don’t say goodbye then you can’t leave.”
“I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that.” He smiled softly. “I have to go, but
never stop dreaming Levi.”
Eren pulled his car door open, tapping his nose lightly so Levi would always
know that even if the world forced them to be apart he would love him. Levi
weakly returned the gesture through his tears, finally falling lip in his
mother’s arms.
With a sigh, Eren got in his car and drove away. His hear heavy with regret as
he watched the figures in his mirror slowly getting smaller and smaller.
He’d ruined everything. He could have just waited and he’d still be with him
now but he’d been too eager. He’d tried to run with their relationship before
they were even ready to walk. And now he’d lost Levi and he’d broken his
promise once again. He’d sworn they’d be together forever, but would they?
Would they ever see each other again?
Some promises are made to be broken kid.
He shook his head ruefully at the memory, truer words had never been spoken.
They’d both made mistakes and they’d both paid the price. Maybe he had been
wrong this whole time, perhaps fate kept them apart for a reason, a reason they
were too stubborn to see. Maybe they weren’t destined to be together in this
life and the next.
…
“You sure about this kid?” Levi asked, arching a perfect eyebrow at him.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Eren said, aiming for confidence despite his hands
nervously wringing his green cloak.
“People don’t trust what they don’t understand.” He shrugged. “Two men? It’s
more than their tiny fucking brains could handle.”
“In a world where life is so short why should we care where we find happiness?
As long as we find it somewhere.” He smiled, gently brushing black hair out of
his eyes.
“They’ll think you’re a fool, or convinced you’re fucking me for personal
gain.” Levi scoffed. “You could do better.”
“I disagree.” He shook his head. “Are you sure you’re not the one who’s not
ready to tell?”
“It’s not that.” He denied. “It’s just… I’ve had to fight my whole life to
prove myself, in a lot of people’s eyes I will always be nothing more than a
lowly thug.”
“Not to me.” Eren whispered.
“But this, us, it was always sacred. Nobody could taint it but if it’s out in
the open they will. They’ll try to keep us apart, they’ll try to ruin us.” He
admitted, eyes downcast to avoid embarrassment.
“Let them talk, I won’t hear a thing if I have you.” He reassured, hooking his
hands under Levi’s chin and forcing him to look him in the eye.
“But they’ll fill you with doubt.” He pouted.
“I don’t care what they say, they can try to separate us but they won’t. We
will always be together no matter what shit they try and throw at us. Because I
love you and I always will, this life time and the next.” He declared, knowing
public displays often embarrassed Levi.
“I love you too.” Levi mumbled, his cheeks reddening slightly.
“Good.” He grinned, giving him a soft kiss on the lips.
Eren let go and confidently reached for his hand, leading them both towards
their comrades, heads held high. Ready for everyone to see them, ready to be
exposed because they knew their love was stronger than words.
It always was and it always will be.
Chapter End Notes
     Right, this is where this story ends. Buuuut there will be a sequel!
     Part 2! Everyone love a part 2 right?
***** Author's note *****
Part 2! Part 2! Part 2!
 
https://archiveofourown.org/works/12291369/chapters/27941439
End Notes
     Not sure how I feel about this one :/ any feedback will be greatly
     appreciated. Thanks :)
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