Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2091414.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      James_Potter/Lily_Evans_Potter, Lily_Evans_Potter/Severus_Snape
  Character:
      Lily_Evans_Potter, Severus_Snape, James_Potter
  Additional Tags:
      Emotional_Manipulation, Loss_of_Virginity, Teenagers, MWPP_Era, Angst,
      Smut, Romance, Prompt_Fic, One_Shot, Explicit_Language, Explicit_Sexual
      Content, Cheating, Infidelity, Sneaking_Around
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-08-06 Words: 2646
****** And I'll Survive Every Night ******
by luna_plath
Summary
     Lily Evans finds herself running out of time on a particular problem,
     with Severus as her ideal answer. One shot written for silverdoefest
     on LJ.
Notes
     A big thanks to my beta 13alias31
     Prompt: “I have a weakness for losers. Invalids, foreigners, the fat
     boy of the class, the ones nobody ever wants to dance with. My heart
     beats for them. Maybe because I've always known that in some way I
     will for ever be one of them,” Peter Hoeg.
Lily sucks in a breath of cold, damp air, shifting her weight against the stone
floor. She’s sitting outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room, her
tailbone sore after remaining in the same position for close to an hour. It’ll
be past curfew soon, and even as Head Girl, she doesn’t have any right to be
this far from her common room after hours, no matter the reason.
Her waiting has proven fruitless so far, but she’ll come back tomorrow and the
day after, if necessary. She’ll wait until she can shake the hollow, sinking
idea that she is making a huge mistake.
A couple of lower classmen stare at her before whispering their password and
clamoring inside the rippling stonework. They share a look that she can’t
discern, an expression she hasn’t encountered much in Gryffindor house. Lily
dimly thinks that Hogwarts has done little to prepare her for the real world.
Just when she’s checking her watch for the last time—a gift from her parents
for making Head Girl, with a thin, brown leather strap and a gold face with
delicate hands—Severus enters the corridor, not the least bit surprised to see
her.
Her first urge is to scramble up, skittish as a cat, hoping he won’t dash off
once he spots her. But after a few seconds she realizes that one of the
students must have let him know that she was waiting out here, presumably for
him, which explains his lack of expression.
It also means that he’s at least a little interested in seeing what she has to
say. That, or he intends to give her a telling-off in person. Either option is
possible.
“Evans,” he says, and she is strongly reminded of James, of the antagonism
there used to be between them—until there wasn’t.
She can’t have them both, it seems.
“Can we talk?” Lily asks, now standing, but still a head shorter than him.
Severus’s hair is longer than she’s used to seeing it and oily from potion
fumes. Somehow, instead of being put off by his appearance, she is hit with a
torrential wave of nostalgia. It took her three months to get used to not
seeing him every day, and now that they’re within arm’s reach of each other,
the pain comes rushing back, sharper and more bitter than before.
“Now?”
“No, tomorrow during third period.”
For a moment it seems like he wants to ask her how she knows he has third
period free, but Severus isn’t stupid. He knows that she’s admitting to keeping
tabs on him, admitting, in a way, that she still cares.
“Fine. I’ll meet you in Bullstrode’s old classroom on the fourth floor.”
He retreats to the Slytherin common room without even offering a parting shot,
disappearing before she can breathe another word. Perhaps some people do
change.
-----
Her pulse beats faster from the moment she wakes up the next morning. She has a
secret, an unusual experience for her, and it would cause all sorts of problems
if any of her friends found out, most especially James.
But, as Lily discovers, being generally honest and well meaning gives her a
huge advantage. Even with her mind in a flurry of anticipation, the routines of
a typical school day unfold around her with banal normalcy. No one mentions
that she seems nervous, no one asks what’s on her mind, no one so much as
inquires if she slept well last night. She doesn’t even have to lie.
James sleepily pecks her on the cheek and tucks in to eggs and toast. His
quietness at breakfast is exactly what she’d counted on; he is not a morning
person, so a lack of early conversation between them is normal.
Before she knows it they’re in Transfiguration. Lily copies down every word
Professor McGonagall says, like she always does, but she’ll have to reread it
later if she hopes to learn anything from the lecture. Her brain jerkily shifts
from one topic to another, always returning to the plan she’s hatched for later
that day and how quickly it could go wrong.
Her worry is resigned to a small voice in the back of her head, with the rest
of her resolutely set on going through with it, even if what happens between
her and Severus ends in disaster.
It already has, she thinks, remembering their fall-out during the end of fifth
year. At the time she believed things between them couldn’t possibly get worse.
Now she realizes that she was wrong, knowing that worsening circumstances are a
real possibility on her horizon.
During Charms, James takes her hand under their shared desk and slides his
thumb along the sensitive inside of her wrist. She urges herself not to look at
him, to distance her mind from her body and lock those sensations up somewhere
in her brain, because the tenderness of the gesture is almost enough to make
her quit this whole thing and stand Severus up.
Almost.
After their second lesson James heads to arithmancy, a subject she attempted in
her third year and switched out of. Lily tells him that she’s supposed to meet
with Professor Slughorn during her free period to talk about a project for
potions, but that she’ll see him at lunch. He gives her a real kiss this time
but she cuts it short, shooing him off so she won’t make him late.
----
She lets James have a two-minute head start, hoping against hope that he’ll go
straight to arithmancy and not make any detours. The classroom that Severus had
picked is right down the hall from where James has his third period; Lily
wonders if the choice had been intentional, but then she reminds herself with
whom she’s dealing with and determines that he’s most definitely trying to send
some kind of message.
Unfortunately, they haven’t been on speaking terms for a year-and-a-half, which
leaves her Snape-interpreting skills severely lacking. She doesn’t understand,
but she hopes that Severus’s plan isn’t to expose her in any way. It wouldn’t
even be hard to do, with her boyfriend just down the hall, and it isn’t like
Severus has any loyalty to her anymore, not after she’d turned him out on his
ear a little over a year ago, despite their years of friendship.
But that would be truly vengeful, and although Snape can be cruel, it’s unusual
for him to start fights simply for the sake of chaos. That’s more in the spirit
of Sirius and James on their worst days.
Lily peers around every corner before walking down the corridor, cautious to a
fault. Finally she arrives at the classroom, opening the door just as Severus
is reaching for it. To leave, it looks like.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” she says, closing the door behind her.
From the looks of it he thought she wasn’t coming at all. Severus doesn’t
reply, he merely drops his bag on one of the desks. Suddenly this whole scheme
feels ridiculous, but also strangely appealing. She gets a rush of bravery and
steps closer to him.
“I feel like I’ve made a mistake,” she says, mimicking him as she sets down her
bag. “With you, I mean.”
One of his black eyebrows arches and it is so welcome. Just the change in
expression, even if it’s merely disbelief, is enough to make her smile. Lily
fights down the urge to tell him this, trying not to overwhelm him.
“How so?” he asks. His posture uncoils just the tinniest amount, and for the
first time she thinks that her plan may work.
“I miss you.”
If he was surprised before, he’s astounded now. She continues.
“And there’s something else I never told you about because . . . well, because
I was too shy.”
Before her words have sunk in she makes the few steps toward Severus and kisses
him, his lips warm and even softer than her own. He is frozen in a state of
shock, paralyzed by her actions until she brings her hand up to cup his cheek
while she sucks on his bottom lip, exhaling against his skin.
The sensation reanimates him. Severus places his arm around her lower back,
drawing her small frame closer to his and parting his lips. The air between
them is impenetrably thick, making her feel warm and lightheaded. His hair
against her cheek is silky, his hands on her back blazing a tingling pattern
over her skin—and she has a sudden, sinful urge to rub her hips against his, to
wrap her legs around his waist and hold on.
Lily reaches for the buttons on his shirt and everything changes very quickly.
He disentangles himself from her and steps back, wearing an expression that’s
too complicated for her distracted brain to translate.
“Lil, what the fuck? You’re still with Potter—I saw you at breakfast—“
“Yes, I am. But there’s something I want to do, with you specifically, and
there isn’t a lot of time. I’m an idiot, Sev. You deserve to be angry at me,
really, really angry.”
“I’m not angry, but how the hell did you think I’d react? You toss me out of
your life, ignore me for a year-and-a-half, and then you turn up out of nowhere
and snog me in an empty classroom? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“When you put it like that—no, it doesn’t. But I had reasons for all of those
things, and I’ll be happy to explain all of my decisions. And none of that
changes what I’m talking about now.”
“Fair enough. But you can’t even say what you want from me, can you? You don’t
mean it, Lily. If you did, we wouldn’t be meeting in secret while you’re going
out with another bloke, the character of whom I won’t even bring in to this
conversation, and you wouldn’t be too afraid to say it out loud.”
“I do mean it, Sev. I want you to take my virginity. There. It sounds corny and
stupid but I said it. Don’t answer now—just think about it.”
Her Gryffindor courage takes her as far as she can manage, depleting after she
says everything that’s important. It doesn’t matter that Severus doesn’t agree
to think about shagging her, because she knows he will for the same reason she
knows he’s thought about doing it for years. They’d been best friends at one
point, and it’ll take more than the war or James Potter to get in the way of
her understanding Severus Snape.
----
It’s been three days since she asked Snape to fuck her, and the lack of any
kind of response is slowly eating at her concentration. Lily thought—no,
assumed—that propositioning her old friend would somehow be as easy as
arranging a time to study for Transfiguration. She was sorely mistaken.
She watches Severus at every opportunity—in the Great Hall, during lessons, in
the corridors—and his refusal to acknowledge her very existence is more than
her teenaged self-esteem can handle. Her homework stares back at her,
unfinished and filled with crossed out passages and question marks, a poor
imitation of her usual work ethic. James never spends much time doing his work,
let alone attempting it in the library, so she set up camp here to clear her
head (and possibly run into Severus while she’s at it) without having to offer
any questionable explanations to her boyfriend.
A group of fifth-year Ravenclaws have their heads bent over practice OWL
sheets, each of them racing to see who can scribble fastest. If only
examinations were her sole concern, then maybe her life would be less
complicated. Or more lonely. Both options have more positives than she’d
normally anticipate.
As she rolls up her pitiful attempt at explaining the magical uses of aconite,
a lanky-haired boy ducks into the restricted section, his gait and carriage
unmistakable to her. Lily stuffs her excuse for an essay into her bag, crossing
the library with her heart in her throat.
She turns a corner around one of the stacks, watching as he scans the titles in
the more gruesome potions section. “Sev,” she says, only a few feet from him
now.
He meets her eyes with his unfeeling gaze and steps away from the shelves, his
body taunt like a bow. Severus pulls away and it stings, like it’s meant to. He
makes it almost to the end of the isle before he stops and indecision sweeps
across his retreating back.
Severus turns slightly, blatantly studying her with his eyes. Lily ignores the
burning crash of her insecurities and brings her hands to the top button of her
blouse, slowly undoing it. She can hear the Ravenclaws a few sections away
discussing their answers, but it resonates in her ears as white noise. The
second button on her shirt is released, and his eyes widen, taking in the pale,
forbidden sight before him.
In a few long strides he is upon her, pulling her mouth to his in a firm,
searing kiss and slipping his warn, calloused hands over her chest, touching
her roughly. It’s brutal and unromantic and exactly what she wants.
Lily offers a silent moan against his lips, smoother and fuller than her own,
and brings her hand up to stroke the hardness that’s pressing against her hip,
employing every trick she’s learned from fooling around with James, deftly
undoing the button and zipper of his trousers so she can bring her hand closer
to his length. He bites her exposed shoulder to keep from crying out, helpless
and wanton under her sure, full strokes. She leans her hips away from him and
reaches under her skirt, yanking her knickers down her legs and backing them up
against the shelves, her arms around his neck.
There is no question of what they’re about to do.
With a few more rapid strokes of his own hand he’s ready, his fingers searching
underneath her skirt and finding her wet and eager. Before fear and uncertainty
have a chance to emerge Lily takes him in her hand, angles him at her entrance
and squeezes her eyes shut at the almost unbearable rush of pain that follows.
Severus holds her hips in place, his lips pressed firmly in concentration. He
ignores her nearly inaudible whimpers of pain and continues pushing, burying
himself in her body, her skirt bunched up between their hips.
Once he’s firmly inside of her, he stalls for a moment, their foreheads
touching. She presses her mouth against his in a full, steady kiss. After a
period of stillness he begins to move, slowly at first, making shallow thrusts
inside her pelvis until the sensation is too much for him and he begins to grow
taut beneath her fingertips. Lily braces herself and holds onto him as his
orgasm approaches, bunching her hands in the collar of his shirt as he makes
his final thrusts, focusing on the odd sensation of his body emptying itself
into her.
They stand impenetrably still for what feels like days but is really only
minutes, the reality of what they’ve just accomplished ringing in her ears.
Severus pulls out of her and cleans them both up with a sweep of his wand,
vanishing the evidence. She steps back into her knickers and does up the front
of her shirt.
“Thank you,” she says, brushing her hair out of her eyes. He doesn’t reply.
Somehow “your welcome” doesn’t seem appropriate.
Severus rights his clothes, pressing his hand over his face for a moment, and
then he is lost to her once more—no longer her friend or lover, just a
classmate, a fellow student.
“See you around, Evans,” he says, his armor back in place.
Lily wants to kiss him goodbye, but thinks better of it. That would just be too
painful.
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